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Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, May 17
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Bonehead Award
Missouri children kidnapped by mother without custody
found in Arizona
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On May 16 in
1996, U.S. President Clinton signed a measure requiring
neighborhood notification when sex offenders move in.
Megan's Law was named for 7-year-old Megan Kanka, who was
raped and killed in 1994.
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There is always more misery among the lower classes than
there is humanity in the higher.
--- Victor Hugo (1802 - 1885)
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four
Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness.
Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then
it's you.
--- Rita Mae Brown
We live in a Newtonian world of Einsteinian physics
ruled by Frankenstein logic.
--- David Russell
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>From Bobbie
I'm a Technician at a Chevrolet dealer where, a number of
years ago, a somewhat irate customer insisted we look at
her car before the handful of people that were in line
ahead of her. There was a hideous buzzing noise
emanating from the dash - you guessed it! - her battery
powered lover had turned itself on inside the glove box!
As we removed it from the car to display the cause, she was
instantly silenced while the surrounding customers could
barely contain themselves.
Needless to say, we never saw that customer again.
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if you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it!
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Owing to the advance in medical technology, surgical
technique and the fact that silicone breast implants have
been determined to be perfectly safe, a California
cosmetic surgery practice is opening a new office where
breast augmentation surgery is done on an outpatient
basis in about 30 minutes, not counting the paperwork,
which you can do online at home.
They are calling the practice "Jiffy Boob."
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© Korban Schwab
Calgary's official bird.
Black-capped Chickadee
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>From Ed
Bought my girlfriend a mood ring the other day.
When she's in a good mood it turns green.
When she's in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on my
forehead.
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The stockbroker called his client and said, "Sam, I have
good news and bad news."
Sam said, "Tell me the bad news first."
The stockbroker said, "Sam, I'm sorry, but I lost all of
your money."
Sam said, "What's the good news?"
The stockbroker replied, "I got laid last night."
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Reported by Rock
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Brittany Barnes and Ceairah Beverly,
Missouri,
USA
Missouri children kidnapped by mother without custody
found in Arizona
Three children who were reportedly kidnapped in Missouri
have been found safe in Arizona.
U.S. Marshals say Brittany Barnes didn't have custody of
her three kids, ages 8, 9 and 10, when she took them on
March 23. They were found on May 13 at Casino Del Sol in
Tucson.
Officials said Barnes and her wife, Ceairah Beverly, had
fled with the kids without permission during a scheduled
visitation.
An arrest warrant was issued on April 8, and investigators
discovered information that placed all five of them in
Arizona.
Marshals began doing surveillance days earlier after
tracking them down to a hotel near Tucson.
Eventually, authorities found their vehicle parked outside
of Casino Del Sol, and confirmed that the group had been
staying at the hotel there.
Barnes and her wife were both arrested and are awaiting
extradition to Missouri.
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If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please
donate what you can!
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DearWebby's Tech Support Pits
From: Ian
Re: Investment advice
Dear Webby
What do you think about all those investment advice
newsletters out there?
Ian
Dear Ian
If any of those investment advisors knew what they are
doing, then they would invest in their own scams, not try
to get you to invest in them.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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Ed and Ted met for the first time in twenty years. "So,
how's life been for you?" Ed asked.
"Not too good," Ted replied. "My first wife died of
cancer, my second wife turned out to be a lesbian and ran
off with another woman and took all our savings, my son's
in prison for trying to kill me, my daughter got run over
by a bus, my house was hit by a low-flying aircraft, my
vintage car rolled off the dockside into the sea, I had
to have my dog put down recently, my doctor says that I
have an incurable disease and to cap it all, my business
has just gone bust."
"Oh dear, that sounds terrible." Ed said. "What business
were you in?"
"I sell lucky charms," said Ted.
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Every night after dinner, Harry took off for the local
watering hole. He would spend the whole evening there and
always arrive home, well inebriated, around midnight each
night.
He usually had trouble getting his key to fit the keyhole
and couldn't get the door open. And, every time this
happened, his wife would go to the door and let him in.
Then, she would proceed to yell and scream at him for his
constant nights out and coming home in a drunken state.
But, Harry still continued his nightly routine.
One day, the distraught wife was talking to a friend
about her husband's behavior.
The friend listened and suggested, "Why don't you treat
him a little differently when he comes home? Instead of
berating him, why don't you give him some loving words
and welcome him home with a kiss? Then, he might change
his ways."
The wife thought that this might be a good idea.
That night, Harry took off again after dinner. And, at
about midnight, he arrived home in his usual condition.
His wife heard him at the door. She quickly opened it and
let Harry in.
Instead of berating him as she had always done, this time
she took his arm and led him into the living room. She
sat Harry down in an easy chair, put his feet up on the
foot stool, and took his shoes off. Then, she went behind
him and started to cuddle him a little. After a short
while, she whispered to Harry, "It's pretty late, dear. I
think we should go upstairs to bed now, don't you think?"
Harry replied in his inebriated state, "Heck, I guess we
might as well. I'll get in trouble when I get home
anyway!"
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--------From Linda
What did Gallileo Gallilei get jailed for?
He was an astronomer and inventor, as far as I remember
school.
Linda--------
Hi Linda
Gallileo Gallilei wrote about the sun being the center of
the solar system, not the earth and Rome, and with the
earth rotating around the sun, much like the moon is
rotating around the earth.
Rome, the Catholice church, did not like that idea.
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Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not
suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for
the double opt-in confirmation request.
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Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks
from her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog. When
asked why by her former employer, she answered:
"I never forget a friend. This was for cleaning the
dishes all the time!"
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Today, May 17, in
1540, Afghan chief Sher Khan defeated Mongul Emperor
Humayun at Kanauj.
1630, Italian Jesuit Niccolo Zucchi saw the belts on
Jupiter's surface.
1681, Louis XIV sent an expedition to aid James II in
Ireland. As a result, England declares war on France.
1756, Britain declared war on France, beginning the French
and Indian War.
1792, The New York Stock Exchange was founded at 70 Wall
Street by 24 brokers.
1814, Denmark ceded Norway to Sweden. Norway's
constitution, which provided a limited monarchy, was
signed.
1875, The first Kentucky Derby was run at Louisville, KY.
1877, The first telephone switchboard burglar alarm was
installed by Edwin T. Holmes.
1926, The U.S. Embassy in Buenos Aires was damaged by bombs
that were believed set by sympathizers of Sacco and
Vanzetti.
1932, The U.S. Congress changed the name "Porto Rico" to
"Puerto Rico."
1939, The first fashion to be shown on television was
broadcast in New York from the Ritz-Carleton Hotel.
1940, Germany occupied Brussels, Belgium and began the
invasion of France.
1946, U.S. President Truman seized control of the nation's
railroads, delaying a threatened strike by engineers and
trainmen.
1948, The Soviet Union recognized the new state of Israel.
1954, The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled for school
integration in Brown vs. Board of Education of Topeka. The
ruling declared that racially segregated schools were
inherently unequal.
1956, The first synthetic mica (synthamica) was offered for
sale in Caldwell Township, NJ.
1973, The U.S. Senate Watergate Committee began its
hearings.
1975, NBC TV bought the rights to show "Gone With the
Wind." The one time rights cost NBC $5,000,000.
1980, Rioting erupted in Miami's Liberty City neighborhood
after an all-white jury in Tampa acquitted four former
Miami police officers of fatally beating black insurance
executive Arthur McDuffie. Eight people were killed in the
rioting.
1985, Bobby Ewing died on the season finale of "Dallas" on
CBS-TV. He returned the following season.
1987, An Iraqi warplane attacked the U.S. Navy frigate
Stark in the Persian Gulf, killing 37 American sailors.
Iraq and the United States called the attack a mistake.
1990, Kelsey Grammer was sentenced to 30 days in jail for
DUI.
1996, U.S. President Clinton signed a measure requiring
neighborhood notification when sex offenders move in.
Megan's Law was named for 7-year-old Megan Kanka, who was
raped and killed in 1994.
1997, Rebel leader Kabila declared himself president of the
Democratic Republic of the Congo, formerly Zaire.
1997, Sylvester Stallone and Jennifer Flavin were married
in London.
1999, Eric Ford, a tabloid photographer, was sentenced to 6
months at a halfway house, 3 years probation and 150 hours
of community service. The sentence stemmed from a charge
that Ford had eavesdropped on a call between Tom Cruise and
Nicole Kidman and then sold a recording of the
conversation.
2000, Thomas E. Blanton Jr. and David Luker surrendered to
police in Birmingham, AL. The two former Ku Klux Klan
members were arrested on charges from the bombing of a
church in 1963 that killed four young black girls.
2000, Austria, the U.S. and six other countries agreed on
the broad outline of a plan that would compensate Nazi-Era
forced labor.
2000, It was announced that Terra Networks SA and Lycos
would be merging with the new name to be Terra Lycos. Terra
made the deal happen with the purchase of $12.5 billion in
stock.
2002, Legoland Deutschland opened in Günzburg, Germany.
2006, The U.S. aircraft carrier Oriskany was sunk about 24
miles off Pensacola Beach. It was the first vessel sunk
under a Navy program to dispose of old warships by turning
them into diving attractions. It was the largest man-made
reef at the time of the sinking.
2007, Trains crossed the border dividing North and South
Korea for the first time since 1953.
2016, The U.S. Senate approved legislation that would allow
families of the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks to sue
the government of Saudi Arabia.
2022 smiled.
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