Dear Webby's Humor Letter
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Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, October 23

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's Bonehead Award: A Californian woman gets stuck in the chimney of a former date in her second attempt to enter his home from the roof while he was not there. Details at Boneheads Today, in 1989 Hungary became an independent republic, after 33 years of Soviet rule.
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In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it. --- Terry Pratchett
A truck driver in Alabama was having lunch at a truck stop when 8 motorcyclists came in. They ate his crackers, drank his water, etc., and he made no move to object. After he left one of the group laughed and said, "He wasn't much of a man, was he?" The waitress behind the counter, looking out the window said, "He's not much of a truck driver, either. He just ran over 8 motorcycles!"
A group of young children were sitting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions. First she asked, "Davy, what noise does a cow make?" He responded, "It goes moo." The she asked, "Alice, what noise does a cat make?" Alice replied, "It goes meow." Next she asked, "Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?" Her response was, "It goes baa." Finally she questioned one last child, "Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?" She replied, "Er, it goes ... click!"
This is a classic, that has been around before: Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversations". Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband!"
Thanks to Nanarina for this picture: Click through for the large picture Gorge At Watkins Glen
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a DARWIN AWARD goes to Genoveva Nunez-Figueroa,30, Thousand Oaks, California A Californian woman gets stuck in the chimney of a former date in her second attempt to enter his home from the roof while he was not there. Genoveva Nunez-Figueroa, 30, was arrested Sunday morning after police say she spent a few hours stuck in a chimney of a home of a man who had recently ended a relationship with her. A neighbor heard the suspect crying at about 5:45 a.m. and called 911. The Ventura County Fire Department's search and rescue squad came to the scene and found Nunez-Figueroa stuck in the chimney about eight feet from the top. She had been there an estimated two hours, Capt. Renee Ferguson of the Ventura County Sheriff’s Department told KTLA TV. In order to free Nunez-Figueroa, the rescue crew had to dismantle the chimney and lubricate her with dish soap. The suspect was finally removed from the chimney around 8:15 a.m. and was transported to a hospital to be evaluated. After the evaluation, Nunez-Figueroa was arrested on suspicion of illegal entry and giving false information to police, NBC Los Angeles reports. The suspect's bail was set at $2,500 and she is due in court on Tuesday. The homeowner, who only gave his name as "Lawrence," was away from the house when the incident happened. He told CBS Los Angeles that he knew Nunez-Figueroa. “It wasn’t Santa Claus, for sure,” Lawrence told the station. “Having someone in your chimney is like kind of a weird thing you wouldn’t expect to come home to." Lawrence told authorities he had met the suspect online and went out with her six times before ending things recently. “It’s actually the second attempt for her trying to access the inside of my house, from the roof,” Lawrence told CBS Los Angeles. “Which just goes to show you,” he said, “you have to be careful who you meet online.” Although Lawrence now has to deal with a dismantled chimney, Nunez-Figueroa's family has offered to pay for the repair, saying the suspect is a good person. Tech Support Pits From: Irene Re: 65,000 Search Engines Dear Webby, I got an ad from a seemingly respectable company about submitting my site to 65,000 different search engines for $129. Is that a good deal? Irene Dear Irene How many different search engines do you use? One? Two? How many different search engines do your clients use? Search for example for recognize a spoof on Google, MSN, Yahoo. They all will show you relevant and useful answers, and there is no need to check any other search engines. In addition to that, the better search engines totally ignore submissions, especially from paid submission services. If you know of any search engine that specializes on your topic and is used by your clients, you can try submitting your site to that one. They will probably just trash the submission, but the effort might point out ways to improve your site. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dryer lint for fire starter My parents are taking us camping. We always have to buy those expensive fire starter logs. I had the idea to save our dryer lint and stuff it inside our empty toilet paper rolls. It's free and you never run out of it. It is very easy to catch on fire. We've tried it before and it lights up like a torch. By purplerose [1] http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Housewives aren't the only ones struggling in the suburbs. One nursery in my town advertised, 'Desperate Houseplants- 25% off!'
The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace. "How many of you," he asked, "would say you're opposed to war?" Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked, "Who'll give us the reason for being opposed to war?" A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised his hand. "Johnny?" the teacher said. "I hate war," Johnny said, "because wars make history, and I hate History!"
Thanks to Billy for this story: I was the last to leave the office one Friday evening and managed to lock myself out without my overcoat and wallet. Kneeling in a deserted hallway to try picking an electronic lock with a paper clip, I heard the seam of my suit trousers rip apart. About then I realized I needed a screwdriver to remove the lock plate, and said so, aloud. Seconds later the elevator doors next to my office opened, revealing a screwdriver in the middle of the floor. There was a crackle from the wall speaker next to the elevator. "This is security," said a female voice. "There's your screwdriver. Sorry, but I don't have a needle or thread for your pants!"


Stoned bridges




Today in 
1910 Blanche S. Scott became the first woman to make a 
 public solo airplane flight in the United States. 
1915 Approximately 25,000 women demanded the right to 
 vote with a march in New York City, NY. 
1929 In the U.S., the Dow Jones Industrial Average plunged 
 starting the stock-market crash that began the Great 
 Depression. 
1942 During World War II, the British began a major offensive 
 against Axis forces at El Alamein, Egypt. 
1956 Hungarian citizens began an uprising against Soviet 
 occupation. On November 4, 1956 Soviet forces enter Hungary 
 and eventually suppress the uprising. 
1958 Russian poet and novelist Boris Pasternak was awarded 
 the Nobel Prize for literature. He was forced to refuse 
 the honor due to negative Soviet reaction. Pasternak won 
 the award for writing "Dr. Zhivago". 
1962 The U.S. Navy reconnaissance squadron VFP-62 began 
 overflights of Cuba under the code name "Blue Moon." 
1971 The U.N. General Assembly voted to expel Taiwan and 
 seat Communist China. 
1973 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon agreed to turn over 
 the subpoenaed tapes concerning the Watergate affair. 
1978 China and Japan formally ended four decades of 
 hostility when they exchanged treaty ratifications. 
1985 U.S. President Reagan arrived in New York to address 
 the U.N. General Assembly. 
1989 Hungary became an independent republic, after 33 
 years of Soviet rule. 
1992 Japanese Emperor Akihito became the first Japanese 
 emperor to stand on Chinese soil. 
1995 Russian President Boris Yeltsin and U.S. President 
 Bill Clinton agree to a joint peacekeeping effort in the 
 war-torn Bosnia. 
1998 Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and 
 Palestinian Chairman Yasser Arafat reach a breakthrough 
 in a land-for-peace West Bank accord. 
1998 Japan nationalized its first bank since World War II. 
2000 Universal Studios Consumer Products Group (USCPG) and 
 Amblin Entertainment announced an unprecedented and 
 exclusive three-year worldwide merchandising program with 
 Toys "R" Us, Inc. The deal was for the rights to exclusive 
 "E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial" merchandise starting in fall 
 2001. The film was scheduled for re-release in the spring 
 of 2002. 
2014  smiled.
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