Dear Webby's Humor Letter
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Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, July 3
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Thank you, Lynn!!

Have FUN!

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______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Geporgia man, who put Roundup in a coworker's water. Details at Boneheads Today in 1790 In Paris, the marquis of Condorcet proposed granting civil rights to women. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm. --- Vince Lombardi The best way to become acquainted with a subject is to write a book about it. --- Benjamin Disraeli "I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him." --- Galileo Galilei (1564-1642) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Moe A Retired Person's Perspective: 1. I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out. 2. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now. 3. You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she's probably ticked. 4. Gone are the days when girls cooked like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers. 5. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you've just met? That's common sense leaving your body. 6. I don't like making plans for the day because, then, the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom. 7. I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes 1,500 days in a row. 8. I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it 'the Jim'. I feel so much better saying I went to 'the Jim' this morning. 9. Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers: If you find one, what's your plan? 10. Everyone has a right to be stupid. Politicians just abuse the privilege. ______________________________________________________ I've noticed the oddest behavior with yuppettes. The only time they won't look in a mirror is when they're pulling out of a parking space. Two Yuppies were discussing their current relationships: "At first she seemed dull and uninteresting, but when you finally get to know her, she's downright boring." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click through to the big picture The first time that happened to me, I did not dismount that gracefully. It takes some practise! ______________________________________________________
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Anthony Dunton 65, Acworth, Georgia
Georgia man tried to poison his co-worker MULTIPLE TIMES by putting weedkiller in his water bottle A Georgia man has been arrested after police say he put weed killer in his co-worker's water bottle. Multiple news outlets report Anthony Dunton was arrested Saturday and charged with four counts of aggravated assault after police say he put Roundup weed and grass killer in the victim's water. Acworth police say Dunton's co-worker realized his water tasted funny and foamed when shaken. Police say the co-worker set up a camera in his office and filmed two videos from two different days showing Dunton entering the office, removing the bottle and returning it moments later. The employee alerted management, who alerted police. Authorities arrested Anthony Dunton after an investigation. Dunton's co-worker was not seriously injured, but sought treatment after experiencing kidney pain.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ann Re: Laser gas Dear Webby What kind of gas is released when by Laser printers when they melt the toner into the paper? It's not an offensive smelly gas, but definitely noticeable. What is it? Ann Dear Ann That is just Ozone. The stuff the treehuggers said was getting short and that holes in the ozone layer were letting the sun through and tanning you without having to buy artificial tanning spray. The ozone shortage scare has since then be debunked when they invented other stuff to scare you with. The Ozone in the Laser printer is generated by the high voltage wires. You also smell it after a nearby lightning strike or in a welding shop. In small quantities like that it is totally harmless. Ozone is also used for keeping swimming pools clean, especially if somebody does not like chlorine. You frequently smell a bit of ozone at waterfalls and at the ocean, if you are suddenly get there from far away and your nose is not already bored with it and ignores it. It is quite safe. Don't worry about it. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too cold, then he asked it be turned down because he was too hot, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. Finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest. "Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile. "We don't have an air conditioner anyway." ______________________________________________________ While the US stock market is at an all time high, the ups and downs frighten a lot of small investors like me. Bob went to his financial advisor at the bank and ask if he were worried. He replied that he slept like a baby. Bob was amazed and asked, "Really ??? Even with all the fluctuations?" He said, "Yes. I sleep for a couple of hours, then wake up and cry for a couple of hours." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Cleaning Nicotine Off Walls Our apartment has been smoked in for 15 years. All walls were originally painted white, but now are a lovely shade of yellow/brown. We decided to stop smoking (yay us!), so now I have begun the arduous task of cleaning walls. I've tried many of the tips here. Great tips all, however, none quite up to the challenge. Last week, I spilled some Dr. Bronner's almond castile soap on my grill. The grease disappeared completely when I wiped it off! Today, I tackled the smallest room. I put the castile soap directly on a Dobie, scrubbed the wall, wiped it with a hot damp microfiber and voila! Came. Right. Off! I didn't even wear gloves, and the smell is fantastic! Next comes the fresh paint! Hope this helps someone. I love this site :) By Lina D [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Bob and his wife have structured conversations: firstly, she gives him her opinion, then she gives him his opinion. _____________________________________________________ A guy walks in a bar, and buys a huge beer. Then he sees someone he knows, and decides to go and say Hi ! to them, but he does not want to take his beer mug with him. So he keeps it on a table, along with a note "I spit in this beer" thinking that no one will have it then. Upon return, he sees it half empty and another note saying "Me too!" ____________________________________________________
Can you hula hoop like this?

Today in 
1608 The city of Quebec was founded by Samuel de Champlain.
1790 In Paris, the marquis of Condorcet proposed granting 
 civil rights to women. 
1844 Ambassador Caleb Cushing successfully negotiated a 
 commercial treaty with China that opened five Chinese ports 
 to U.S. merchants and protected the rights of American 
 citizens in China. 
1863 The U.S. Civil War Battle of Gettysburg, PA, ended 
 after three days. It was a major victory for the North 
 as Confederate troops retreated. 
1871 The Denver and Rio Grande Western Railroad Company 
 introduced the first narrow-gauge locomotive. It was 
 called the "Montezuma." 
1878 John Wise flew the first US dirigible in Lancaster, PA. 
1898 During the Spanish American War, a fleet of Spanish 
 ships in Cuba's Santiago Harbor attempted to run a blockade 
 of U.S. naval forces. Nearly all of the Spanish ships were 
 destroyed in the battle that followed. 
1903 The first cable across the Pacific Ocean was spliced 
 between Honolulu, Midway, Guam and Manila. 
1937 Del Mar race track opened in Del Mar, CA. 
1939 Chic Young’s comic strip character, "Blondie" was first 
 heard on CBS radio. 
1940 Bud Abbott and Lou Costello debuted on NBC radio. 
1944 The U.S. First Army opened a general offensive to break 
 out of the hedgerow area of Normandy, France. 
1944 During World War II, Soviet forces recaptured Minsk. 
1945 The first civilian passenger car built since February 
 1942 was driven off the assembly line at the Ford Motor 
 Company plant in Detroit, MI. Production had been diverted 
 due to World War II. 
1950 U.S. carrier-based planes attacked airfields in the 
 Pyongyang-Chinnampo area of North Korea in the first 
 air-strike of the Korean War. 
1954 Food rationing ended in Great Britain. 
1974 The Threshold Test Ban Treaty was signed, prohibiting 
 underground nuclear weapons tests with yields greater than 
 150 kilotons. Nobody limited their tests.
1981 The Associated Press ran its first story about two rare 
 illnesses afflicting homosexual men. One of the diseases 
 was later named AIDS. 
1986 U.S. President Reagan presided over a ceremony in New 
 York Harbor that saw the relighting of the renovated Statue 
 of Liberty. 
1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush formally inaugurated 
 the Mount Rushmore National Memorial in South Dakota. 
2015  smiled.
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