Dear Webby's Humor Letter

Dear Webby's Humor Letter
widely read, forwarded, copied and imitated daily since 1994
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Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, December 5



      
 


1411 If  you  like  my
work,

Please  donate a dollar, 
 or two, if you can afford
it!

Please, help me stay online!
    

___________________________________________________
History: on this  day,  December 5, in
1932, German physicist Albert Einstein was granted a visa
making it possible for him to move to the U.S.
____________________________________________________     
Bonehed Award:

California man accused of throwing Motolov cocktail
toward police

_____________________________________________________
Q
The future will be better tomorrow.
--- Dan Quayle (1947 - )
____________________________________________________

An airliner is coming in to land at an airport obscured
by fog. Visibility is practically nil, the ILS system is
on the blink, so the pilot has to land on wits alone.
"Flaps, check," he says to the co-pilot, "Landing Gear,
check. Altitude, check. Right, we're going in. Hold on."

The plane lands and comes to a screeching, grinding halt;
just short of the edge of the runway. "Holy Cow!"
exclaims the pilot, "This must be the shortest runway
I've ever landed on!" The co-pilot looks left and right
and says "Yeah, and about the widest, too..."
__________________________________________________

That reminds me of a landing in Burwash in the Yukon
in 71. Burwash is at the end of Kluane Lake, beside
Kluane National Park. Very scenic. Also the worlds
windiest airport. There was a short dirt taxi-way and
parking area between the gravel runway and the
occasionally staffed airport building. We used an old
Piper Cub to get from there to Tincup Lake, where another
guy and me were pretending to be carpenters and built a
big fishing lodge without anybody ever catching on that
we were learning carpentry as we went.

We stayed in tents at Tincup Lake and once a week flew
out to Burwash for hot showers and a meal that we did not
have to poach, to pick up nails and other supplies, and
to flirt at the waitress.

Top speed of the old souped up Cub was about 85 miles
per hour when the tank was near empty. This one day the
wind
was 80, gusting to 90. Just before Burwash our route was
near the Alaska Highway. Cars on the highway below sure
looked fast whenever we were drifting backwards!

When we finally got to the airport, we realized that
there was just no way we would be able to taxi from the
runway across the wind over to the parking area without
getting flipped sideways. Gerry, who was just as crazy as
me, hovered over the taxi way like a tethered kite and
slowly forced the plane down to the tiedowns.

The tiedowns were 55 gallon drums filled with cast iron
engine blocks and old batteries. When we were low enough,
I climbed out onto the wing to the wheel support strut,
and while hanging on with one hand and one leg, fished
for the rope on the first barrel. After a few tries I got
hold of it and cinched down the left wing. With the
engine still running at full blast, I clambered over to
the other side, being careful not to touch the ground and
taking any weight off the little plane, and finally tied
down that side, just before we ran out fuel. After
climbing out, Gerry tied the stick to the seat, -yes, the
front had a real seat, not just a cooler- so that the
wind forced the tail down. Then we carried a couple of 10
gallon drums filled with concrete and chains over to the
tail to tie it down.

It's amazing how fast you can run while carrying those
drums, when you are in a hurry and you have an 80 mile
per hour wind at your back!

The waitress in Burwash didn't want us to fly back that
night and managed to persuade us to spend the night.
By morning the wind had slowed down considerably,
but we didn't need the real runway. The width of the taxi
strip was plenty.
__________________________________________________  

Reported by Rock:  
An  International Bonehead Award has been
earned by

Cassidy Russ,
32,
Corning,
California,
USA

California man accused of throwing Motolov cocktail
toward police

A California man is accused of throwing a Molotov
cocktail toward a police officer, not once but at least
two times.

According to police in Corning, California, officers were
investigating a loud banging noise coming from just
outside the department's building. When they checked
outside, officers tried to contact 32-year-old Cassidy
Russ, who was walking away from the police department's
building.

While trying to walk away and ignoring the officers
trying to stop him, Russ began "fumbling with an item
near the front of his waistband," Corning PD said in a
press release. As the officers gave the suspect verbal
commands, Russ lit a Molotov cocktail and threw it toward
police.

The Molotov cocktail missed the officer and blew up near
a parked vehicle. Following the explosion, Russ led
police on a foot chase before being tackled to the
ground.

Russ was eventually placed into custody and booked into
jail after resisting baton strikes, Corning PD said in a
press release.

The fire started by Russ was eventually extinguished and
as of Thursday evening, no injuries were reported.

According to Corning PD, this wasn't the first time Russ
tossed a Molotov cocktail toward cops. Russ is also
accused of throwing a Molotov cocktail near Corning PD's
staging area for marked patrol vehicles back in July 26,
2022.

Russ is expected to face 3 attempted murder charges,
Corning PD said.
___________________________________________________



©

___________________________________________________

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber chair eating a snack cake
while her dad gets his hair cut. The barber says to her,
"Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."

She says,
"Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."
___________________________________________________  
If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it!
___________________________________________________



©
The beauty of aloe vera flower.
_________________________________________________

Three wives were bemoaning their husbands' attitudes
towards leftovers:

"It gets rough," one said.  "My husband is a movie
producer and he calls them reruns."

"You think you have it bad," was the reply.  "Mine is a
quality control engineer and he calls them rejects!"

"That's nothing compared to me," said the third lady.
"My husband is a mortician.  He calls them remains!"
_______________________________________________

Although we were being married in New Hampshire, I wanted
to
add a touch of my home state, Kansas, to the wedding. My
fiancee, explaining this to a friend, said that we were
planning to have wheat rather than rice thrown after the
ceremony.

Our friend thought for a moment. Then he said solemnly,
"It's a good thing she's not from Idaho."
__________________________________________________
If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it!
___________________________________________________

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to
himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.

Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are
you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework,
Mom."

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the
mother asked.

"Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day,
"What are you teaching my son in math?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning
addition."

The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two
plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I
taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is
four."
________________________________________________________

The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in
progress and the country preacher talked at length
of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest
man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father
he was.

Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of
her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin
and see if we're at the right funeral."
________________________________________________________

DearWebby's Tech Support Pits

From: Elke
Re: How big are those camera chips?

Dear Webby
Those caera chips that you recommend, how big are they?
Elke

Dear Elke
The ones I use are about 3/4 inch wide by 1 inch long and
less than a 1/8" thick.

There ARE much smaller sizes, but I find that those are a
nuisance with my big fingers.

The amount of data they can hold ranges from 8 GB to 4
TB, which is probably way more than your hard drive can
hold.

Don't get too greedy! Figure out the different topics,
for example one for each boyfriend or kid, or back-up for
different machines.
Then hold them or tape the end with the little gold
strips, and spray paint the chip with a different color.
That way they are nicely color coded.
Finally, put them into a small zip-lock baggie and tape
that to the side of the monitor or the fridge or the
folder you take along to the bank.
If you don't, you WILL loose some of thse tiny chips.

Have FUN
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________

Reverend Smith, a respected church leader, arrived in a
large city to deliver a series of speeches.  At a banquet
the first evening, he noticed some reporters in the
audience.

Because he wanted to use some of the stories he told that
night in his speeches the next day, he asked the
reporters
to omit them from their articles.

One article that came out the next day, written by a cub
reporter, concluded with this line: "Reverend Smith also
told a number of stories that cannot be printed."
_____________________________________________________
Ophelia
Dingbatter's  News  no  sermon and not suitable for
church, just  jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line
or
subscribe. If  you  subscribe,  look  for  the double
opt-in confirmation request.   
____________________________________________________
Today, December 5 in

1560, Charles IX succeeded as King of France on the death
of Francis II.

1766, James Christie, founder of the famous auctioneers,
held his first sale in London.

1776, In Williamsburg, VA, at the College of William and
Mary the first scholastic fraternity in America, Phi Beta
Kappa, was organized.

1782, The first native U.S. president, Martin Van Buren,
was born in Kinderhook, NY.

1797, Napoleon Bonaparte arrived in Paris to command
forces for the invasion of England.

1812, Napoleon Bonaparte left his army as they were
retreating from Russia.

1848, U.S. President Polk triggered the Gold Rush of '49
by confirming the fact that gold had been discovered in
California.

1876, The Stillson wrench was patented by D.C. Stillson.
The device was the first practical pipe wrench.

1904, The Russian fleet was destroyed by the Japanese at
Port Arthur, during the Russo-Japanese War.

1908, At the University of Pittsburgh, numerals were
first used on football uniforms worn by college football
players.

1913, Britain outlawed the sending of arms to Ireland.

1932, German physicist Albert Einstein was granted a visa
making it possible for him to move to the U.S.

1933, Prohibition came to an end when Utah became the
36th state to ratify the 21st Amendment to the U.S.
Constitution.

1934, Fighting broke out between Italian and Ethiopian
troops on the Somalian border.

1934, The Soviet Union executed 66 people charged with
plotting against Joseph Stalin's government.

1935, In Montebello, CA, the first commercial hydroponics
operation was established.

1936, The Soviet Union adopted a new Constitution under a
Supreme Council.

1944, During World War II, Allied troops took Ravenna,
Italy.

1945, The so-called "Lost Squadron" disappeared. The five
U.S. Navy Avenger bombers carrying 14 Navy flyers began a
training mission at the Ft. Lauderdale Naval Air Station.
They were never heard from again.

1951, The first push button-controlled garage opened in
Washington, DC.

1955, The American Federation of Labor and the Congress
of Industrial Organizations merged to form the AFL-CIO.

1956, British and French forces began a withdrawal from
Egypt during the Suez War.

1958, Britain's first motorway, the Preston by-pass, was
opened by Prime Minister Macmillan.

1961, United Nations forces launched an attack in
Katanga, the Congo, near Elizabethville.

1962, The U.S. and the Soviet Union agreed to cooperate
in the peaceful uses of outer space.

1971, The Soviet Union, at United Nations Security
Council, vetoed a resolution calling for a cease-fire in
hostilities between India and Pakistan over Kashmir.

1976, Jacques Chirac re-founded the Gaullist party as the
RPR (Rassemblement pour la République).

1977, Egypt broke diplomatic relations with Syria, Libya,
Algeria, Iraq and South Yemen due to peaceful relations
with Israel.

1978, The American space probe Pioneer Venus I, orbiting
Venus, began beaming back its first information and
picture of the planet.

1979, Sonia Johnson was formally excommunicated by the
Mormon Church due to her outspoken support for the
proposed Equal Rights Amendment to the Constitution.

1983, In west Beirut, Lebanon, more than a dozen people
were killed when a car bomb shattered a nine-story
apartment building.

1984, Iran's official news agency quoted the hijackers of
a Kuwaiti jetliner parked at Tehran airport as saying
they would blow up the plane unless Kuwait released 14
imprisoned extremists.

1986, The Soviet Union said it would continue to abide by
the SALT II treaty limits on nuclear weapons. This was
despite the decision by the U.S. to exceed them.

1988, Jim Bakker and former aide Richard Dortch were
indicted by a federal grand jury in North Carolina on
fraud and conspiracy charges.

1989, Israeli soldiers killed five heavily armed Arab
guerrillas who crossed the border from Egypt. The
guerrillas were allegedly going to launch a terrorist
attack commemorating the anniversary of the Palestinian
uprising.

1989, East Germany's former leaders were placed under
house arrest.

1992, Russian President Boris Yeltsin kept the power to
appoint Cabinet ministers, defeating a constitutional
amendment that would have put his team of reformers under
the control of Russia's Congress.

1998, James P. Hoffa became the head of the Teamsters
union, 23 years after his father was the head. His father
disappeared and was presumed dead.

2001, In Germany, Afghan leaders signed a pact to create
a temporary administration for post-Taliban Afghanistan.
Two women were included in the cabinet structure. Hamid
Karzai and his Cabinet were planned to take over power in
Afghanistan on December 22.

2010, NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft became the longest-
operating spacecraft ever sent to Mars. The Odyssey
entered orbit around Mars on October 23, 2001.

2014, NASA's Orion Multi-Purpose Crew Vehicle (MPCV)
debuted when it was launched for a four hour test flight.
It landed in the Pacific Ocean.

2022  smiled.
 

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