Dear Webby's Humor Letter
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Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, February 7

Have FUN!
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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Floriduh store thief left cell phone and puddles behind. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, February 7, in 1882 The last bareknuckle fight for the heavyweight boxing championship took place in Mississippi City. History ______________________________________________________ I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) I take the view, and always have, that if you cannot say what you are going to say in twenty minutes you ought to go away and write a book about it. --- Lord Brabazon (1884 - 1964) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Sometimes... when you cry, no one sees your tears. Sometimes... when you are in pain, no one sees your hurt. Sometimes... when you are worried, no one sees your stress. Sometimes... when you are happy, no one sees your smile. But fart just ONE TIME...! ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ Medical Dictionary: Adult - One who has stopped growing except in the middle Alcoholic - A man who has worked his way from bottoms up Anatomy - Something that everyonehas, but it looks better on some than others. Arthritis - Twinges in the hinges. Baldness - Hair today and gone tomorrow. Delinquent Children - Those who have reached the age where they want to do what mama and papa are doing. Dentist - A professional who bores you to tears. Dermatologist - Specialises in rash predictions. Diet - A short period of starvation preceding a gain of five pounds. Doctor a specialist who tells you if you don't cut out something, something will be cut out of you. Doctor's Prescription - Something that looks as if it had been written on a subway train with a post office pen. Ego - The only thing that can keep on growing without nourishment. Expert - one who can take something you already know and make it sound confusing. Headache - Aspirin deficiency. Hospital - A place where they wake you up to give you a sleeping pill. Hypochondriac - One who can't leave well enough alone. Indigestion - The failure of a round stomach to adjust to a square meal. Life - 1. a span of time of which the first half is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children. 2. what happens to us while we are making other plans Neurotic - One who builds castles in the air. Obesity - A condition caused by an overactive fork Overeating - Action that shapes our future Physician - One who pours drugs of which they know little into a body of which they know less. Professors - Those who go to college and never get out. Psychiatrist - One who collects rent from psychotics and neurotics living in their castles in the air Psychologist - An expert you pay to ask you questions your spouse asks you for nothing Psychotic - One who moves into the castles in the air Research - An organised method for keeping you reasonably dissatisfied with what you have Specialist - People with one-track minds Statistics - The art of drawing a crooked line from an unproved Assumption to a foregone conclusion. Sunburn - Getting what you basked for. Ulcer - A stomach disorder that you get not from what you eat but from what you have to swallow. Virus - A Latin word used by doctors to mean "Your guess is as good as mine." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brooke Amber Sutton, 27, Miramar Beach, Floriduh Floriduh store thief left cell phone and puddles behind. A 27-year-old Florida woman accused of stealing thousands of dollars in merchandise from outlet stores. She left behind two key pieces of evidence — her cell phone and puddles of urine, police say. Brooke Amber Sutton was arrested over the weekend and charged with felony retail theft, the Walton County Sheriff’s Office said in a press release. Police say they found $2,100 in merchandise stolen from stores at the Silver Sands Outlets in Miramar Beach in Sutton’s car. Sutton is accused of peeing on the floor of the dressing room and on some merchandise, the Walton County Sheriff’s Office said in its police report, according to Northwest Florida Daily News. Police said Sutton also urinated on several items of merchandise in the Ann Taylor store, according to the arrest report. Sutton told police she went into the Ann Taylor store and took several items into the fitting room, where she removed price tags and security devices. She left the store with 18 items she did not pay for, according to her arrest report. Deputies responded to the outlet mall after an employee at Ann Taylor found several security tags in a dressing room that had been removed by Sutton, the sheriff’s office said. “Along with the tags was a cell phone left by the suspect,” the sheriff’s office said Police said Sutton then went to Saks Off Fifth and went into a dressing room with between 15 to 20 pairs of jeans, hidden under a men’s suit jacket. She then left the dressing room with six pairs of the jeans, valued at more than $1,000, hidden under the jacket, and exited the store, police said in her arrest report. She set off the security alarm at the Saks outlet, police said. Police Found Designer Jeans, Costume Jewelry & Other Clothing in Her Car After Tracking Her Down Through Her Husband. Police tracked down Sutton by calling her husband, on speed dial on her phone, and getting a description of the vehicle she was driving, the sheriff’s office said. Sutton was found in the parking lot of the Silver Sands Outlet, near the Ann Taylor store. Deputies said they found the six pairs of designer jeans from Saks and $1,100 worth of costume jewelry and other clothing from Ann Taylor. She was arrested at the outlet mall. Sheriff Michael Adkinson Jr. praised the work of his deputies, who tracked down Sutton by using her cell phone. “This is a prime example of quick thinking done by our deputies,” Adkinson said. They used the phone to get a description of the suspect’s vehicle and were able to make an arrest quickly. That’s good police work.” Sutton was arrested on two counts of felony retail theft and booked into the Walton County Jail on Friday. She posted $5,000 bail on Saturday and is awaiting trial. According to online court records she has applied for criminal indigent status. Sure has expensive taste, though! ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Mia Re: What accessories do you need for traveling with a laptop? Dear Webby one time you mentioned a source for all the stuff one needs for a laptop when you travel. Do you still have that info? Thanks, Mia Dear Mia Times have changed. Nowadays all you need are adapter plugs to fit the outlets in the countries that you plan to t ravel to, for example an adapter, that goes into a German outlet, and into which you can plug your power bar. You can get those adapters at hardwaree stores, NewEgg, RadioShack, etc. Definitely take along a power bar, so that you can plug all of your stuff into that. The laptop charger and pretty well all of your electronics don't care if you use 110 or 200 Volt. Most trains have regular outlets the same as what you get in homes and hotels in that country. Planes usually have the small automotive type outlets, not the large cigarette lighter type. You can get adapters to go into those, so that you can plug in a regular StatPower inverter, that changes 12 Volt DC into 110 Volt AC. Check before you book a flight if that airline allows laptop use during the flight or not. Some do, some don't, and some allow only the Pay-Per-View movies, that they sell. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Bernie came into the principals office looking somewhat tired and bedraggled, but anxious to explain his nearly one hour tardiness. “Our chickens have been disappearing.” He said. “And Pa made up his mind to put a stop to it. But nothing happened for several nights. Then last night about 3 o’clock, Pa got me and Ol’ Blue, our dog, and his shot gun, all cocked and loaded, to go out with him to the chicken house to see what was going on.” He went on. “Well, Pa sleeps in his birthday suit, and as he bent over to go into the chicken house, Ol’ Blue cold-nosed Pa where he didn’t expect it. Both barrels went off. Ever since then we’ve been up a-cleanin’ and a-pluckin’ more than 50 chickens. I missed the bus and had to walk 3 miles to school. " As I handed him his “Excused” slip, he muttered, “I sure hope we don’t have no chicken for lunch this week.” ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Peeling Pickles I love dill pickles, but I do not like biting into one of the rock-like black things on the skin. It sends shivers up my spine not to mention the feeling on the teeth. So I peel my pickles before I eat them. By lnygaard 104 ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100." The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon... and it takes eight people to collect all the money!" ___________________________________________________
A Finger, Two Dots and then Me
____________________________________________________ Those men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of women. Men hate self-service. It's always so damn bad ... and slow too. Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something his lover said. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before his wife finishes talking. ____________________________________________________ A farmer runs into the pastor of his church after missing the morning service. "I missed you at service this morning," the pastor says. "Well, Reverend", the farmer says, "I had some hay to put up. I figured there would be less cussing if I sat on a dry bale of hay thinking about church, than to sit in a dry church thinking about the hay getting rained on." ____________________________________________________
28 hand built houses from around the world. I really like ’The Seagull house’ in Devon, England.

Today, February 7, in
1882 The last bareknuckle fight for the heavyweight boxing
 championship took place in Mississippi City. 
1893 Elisha Gray patented a machine called the telautograph. 
 It automatically signed autographs to documents. 
1913 The Turks lost 5,000 men in a battle with the Bulgarian 
 army in Gallipoli. 
1940 "Pinocchio" world premiered at the Center Theatre in
1943 The U.S. government announced that shoe rationing would 
 go into effect in two days. 
1944 During World War II, the Germans launched a 
 counteroffensive at Anzio, Italy. 
1962 The U.S. government banned all Cuban imports and 
 re-export of U.S. products to Cuba from other countries. 
1974 The nation of Grenada gained independence from Britain. 
1976 Darryl Sittler (Toronto Maple Leafs) set a National Hockey
 League (NHL) record when he scored 10 points in a game against
 the Boston Bruins. He scored six goals and four assists. 
1977 Russia launched Soyuz 24. 
1984 Space shuttle astronauts Bruce McCandless II and Robert L.
 Stewart made the first untethered space walk. 
1985 "Sports Illustrated" released its annual swimsuit edition.
 It was the largest regular edition in the magazine’s history 
 at 218 pages. 
1986 Haitian President-for-Life Jean-Claude Duvalier fled 
his country ending 28 years of family rule. 
1991 The Rev. Jean-Bertrand Aristide was sworn in as Haiti's
 first democratically elected president. 
1999 NASA's Stardust space probe was launched. The mission 
 was to return comet dust samples from comet Wild 2. The 
 mission was completed on January 15, 2006 when the sample 
 return capsule returned to Earth. 
2000 California's legislature declared that February 13 
 would be "Charels M. Schulz Day." 
2008 The Space Shuttle Atlantis launched with the mission 
 of delivering the Columbus science laboratory to the 
 International Space Station. 
2015  smiled.
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