Dear Webby's Humor Letter
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Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, April 16.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an NC man, who shot up strip club after getting kicked out Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1982 Queen Elizabeth proclaimed Canada's new constitution in effect. The act severed the last colonial links with Britain. Have FUN! DearWebby
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He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace. --- John Mason Brown (1900 - 1969) "Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." --- Robert Heinlein
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC! Boost Computer Speed Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows® Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain." "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back." "But, officer, I just wanted to say..." "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
eStore Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and other malicious programs. Kasperski
Thanks to Tim for this story: When my mother was called for jury duty, she felt confident of her ability to answer the questions asked of prospective jurors. As a young attorney, I had filled her in on what to expect. Asked about the occupations of family members, Mom answered, "My son is a lawyer." As a follow-up, she was asked if she had ever used the services of an attorney. "Only to mow my lawn."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version 13 year old girl in Kazakhstan
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mario Chavez, 33, Gaston, NC NC man, who shot up strip club after getting kicked out A man accused of trying to feel up a strip club dancer got touchy when he was kicked out of the North Carolina nudie bar. After being forced to leave the Leather & Lace Strip Club for trying to reach inside a dancer's underwear, Mario Chavez, 33 allegedly fired 13 shots into the strip joint on Thursday. “He told the bouncer that he’d done apologized to me and the bouncer told him that I’d done gave him a warning and he was going to have to leave,” the dancer, who wished to remain anonymous, said according to RawStory.com. Chavez allegedly went to his truck, grabbed a .40-caliber Beretta handgun and fired it into the club. When that gun jammed, Chavez allegedly went back to the truck and grabbed a 9 mm Taurus handgun. Investigators said he then fired seven more shots at the building and two more shots as he drove away, the Gaston Gazette reports. The gunfire sent the 18 people inside the club into a panic. One of the bullets flew over two pool tables and in a sofa, MyFox8.com reported. No one was injured. Chavez was arrested a short time later and charged with 18 counts of counts of assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill, shooting into an occupied building and one count of sexual battery. The suspect is currently in the Gaston County Jail on $1 million bond. Tech Support Pits From: Renee Re: Outlook Limit Dear Webby I read that Outlook suicides and loses all the mail if you have too much mail in it. Is that true, and if so, what are the limits? Thanks Renee Dear Renee Yes, unfortunately that is true. The limits are not hard and not predictable. Usually it is fairly save to keep a year's worth of mail in it, as long as the IN, OUT and other most used mailboxes are kept small and tidy. Some people have been able to keep it going for two-three years, but sooner or later the inevitable crash happened. If you need to keep mail for over a year for business purposes, then I would recommend Eudora or Thunderbird. With those you can easily split off months or years or clients and store them on a CD, and return them if and when needed. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Lotion to Protect Sore Nose As you have sinuses, your nose eventually gets raw from all that blowing. But today I have a cure! :O All you do is apply baby lotion or any other kind and smear it on a thin layer over the rawness. (NO BATH AND BODY WORKS, I learned the hard way) If you have a bad case of it, you will need some Blistex or chapstick! I hope that helped. By Skylar McMinn [1] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Jim As a department head stationed on a Navy vessel, I was con- cerned about one of my senior enlisted men. He was a superb technician, but he had a problem taking orders. One day I took him aside and suggested he try something that had worked for me. "Whenever an officer gives you a directive that you think is stupid," I told him, "just say, 'Yes, sir.' But in your mind, think, 'You're a f****n idiot!' Will this work for you?" He smiled at me and replied, "Yes, sir!"
Two men working in a facory were talking. "I know how to get some time off," said one. "How are you going to do that?" "Watch," he said, and climbed up on a rafter. The foreman asked what he was doing up there, and the man replied. "I'm a lightbulb." "I think you need some time off," the foreman said said, and the first man walked out of the factory. After a moment, the second man followed him. "Where do you think you're going?" the foreman shouted. "I can't work in the dark," he said.

» Stylish Duct Tape

Today in 
0069 Otho committed suicide after being defeated by 
 Vitellius' troops at Bedriacum.
1065 The Norman Robert Guiscard took Bari. Five centuries 
 of Byzantine rule in southern Italy ended.
1705 Queen Anne of England knighted Isaac Newton.
1746 The Duke of Cumberland defeated Bonnie Prince Charlie 
 (and his Jacobites) at the battle of Culloden.
1818 The U.S. Senate ratified Rush-Bagot amendment to form 
 an unarmed U.S.-Canada border.
1854 San Salvador was destroyed by an earthquake.
1905 Andrew Carnegie donated $10,000,000 of personal money 
 to set up the Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement 
 of Teaching.
1912 Harriet Quimby became the first woman to fly across 
 the English Channel.
1917 Vladimir Ilyich Lenin returned to Russia to start 
 Bolshevik Revolution after years of exile.
1922 Annie Oakley shot 100 clay targets in a row, to set 
 a women's record.
1942 The Island of Malta was awarded the George Cross in 
 recognition for heroism under constant German air attack.
1943 In Basel, Switzerland, chemist Albert Hoffman 
 accidently discovered the the hallucinogenic effects of 
 LSD-25 while working on the medicinal value of 
 lysergic acid.
1944 The destroyer USS Laffey survived immense damage from 
 attacks by 22 Japanese aircraft off Okinawa.
1947 The Zoomar lens, invented by Dr. Frank Back, was 
 demonstrated in New York City. It was the first lens 
 to exhibit zooming effects.
1947 In Texas City, TX, the French ship Grandcamp, carrying 
 ammonium nitrate fertilizer, caught fire and blew up. The 
 explosions and resulting fires killed 576 people.
1951 75 people were killed when the British submarine Affray 
 sank in the English Channel.
1968 The Pentagon announced that troops would begin coming 
 home from Vietnam. The Vietnam war became a defeat from home.
1972 Apollo 16 blasted off on a voyage to the moon. It was 
 the fifth manned moon landing.
1975 The Khmer Rouge Rebels won control of Cambodia after 
 five years of civil war. They renamed the country Kampuchea 
 and began a reign of terror.
1982 Queen Elizabeth proclaimed Canada's new constitution 
 in effect. The act severed the last colonial links with Britain.
1983 China shelled the Vietnam border in retaliation for raids.
1983 Brazil detained four Libyan planes en route to Nicaragua 
 after finding weapons, explosives and ammunition on planes.
1987 The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) sternly 
 warned U.S. radio stations to watch the use of indecent 
 language on the airwaves.
1987 The U.S. Patent Office began allowing the patenting of 
 new animals created by genetic engineering.
1992 The House ethics committee listed 303 current and former 
 lawmakers who had overdrawn their House bank accounts.
1995 The European Union and Canada agreed to protect 
 threatened fish stocks in the north Atlantic.
1996 An Italian court found former Prime Minister Bettino 
 Craxi guilty on charges of corruption. He was sentenced to 
 eight years and three months in prison.
1999 Wayne Gretzky announced his retirement from the 
 National Hockey League (NHL).
2002 The U.S. Supreme Court overturned major parts of a 1996 
 child pornography law based on rights to free speech.
2007 In Blacksburg, VA, a student killed 33 people at Virginia 
 Tech before killing himself. 
2014  smiled.
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