Dear Webby's Humor Letter
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Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, May 28

June 2nd I have to go to  Calgary for injections into 
my eyeballs. There won't be any newsletters sent out on
June 3, 4 and 5.

There almost wasn 't going to be a newsletter today.
I was asked to volunteer for the Griffiths Senior Center,
a web hosting client, and help count money at a casino.
They provide volunteers, and get a nice big chunk of money
for that. I just got back at 4:45 am. That is why your
Satrurday newsletter is going to be a bit later than usual.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Twisted Idaho father took 14 year old daughter to Missouri to marry her 24-year-old rapist Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 28, in 585 BC Thales Miletus predicted a solar eclipse. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. --- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914) Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing. --- Wernher von Braun (1912 - 1977) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Tammy for this story: My husband, son and I had stopped to take in a spectacular sunset and were on our way back to our car, when four Buddhist monks walked by. When our son asked about them, I explained, "Their life is a quest for enlightenment." "I wonder what kind of car they drive," my husband said and jokingly suggested, "A Ford Focus?" "Or a Honda Odyssey," I said. The monks got into a Nissan Pathfinder.
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
* Lerman's Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money. Corollary: You are never given enough time or money. * Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five. * Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed. * The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay. * Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens. * First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else. * Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale. * Kenny's Law of Auto Repair: The part requiring the most consistent repair or replacement will be housed in the most inaccessible location. * The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag. * Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot. * Loftus' Law: Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even which book it is. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Ellie for this one: To confirm her suspicions my sister needed to purchase a pregnancy test kit. Since I was going to the pharmacy, she asked me to pick one up for her. I didn't stop to think how I appeared to the clerk when I waddled up, nine months pregnant, to pay for the kit. "Honey," she said, "I can save you $15 right now. You're definitely pregnant." ______________________________________________________ Nepal ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Twisted Idaho father took 14 year old daughter to Missouri to marry her 24-year-old rapist Keith Strawn, Idaho A depraved Idaho dad forced his 14-year-old daughter to marry her 24-year-old rapist. Keith Strawn was sentenced to four months in prison after telling the judge: "If you get them pregnant then you marry them,” Fox 31 reported. “While you spend those 120 day in jail, perhaps you will think about the 120 days your daughter was in a vile farce of a marriage to a rapist,” District Judge Greg Moeller said during Tuesday's sentencing, according to the station. Last year Strawn took his teen daughter and her attacker, Aaron Seaton, to Missouri to get married. Seaton is now serving a 15-year sentence after pleading guilty to rape earlier this year. A depraved Idaho dad forced his 14-year-old daughter to marry her 24-year-old rapist. Keith Strawn was sentenced to four months in prison after telling the judge: "If you get them pregnant then you marry them,” Fox 31 reported. “While you spend those 120 day in jail, perhaps you will think about the 120 days your daughter was in a vile farce of a marriage to a rapist,” District Judge Greg Moeller said during Tuesday's sentencing, according to the station. Last year Strawn took his teen daughter and her attacker, Aaron Seaton, to Missouri to get married. Seaton is now serving a 15-year sentence after pleading guilty to rape earlier this year. Strawn's lawyer had asked for a light six-day sentence, saying his client might have had a "religious motivation." Aaron Seaton is now serving a 15-year sentence after pleading guilty to rape earlier this year. Aaron Seaton is now serving a 15-year sentence after pleading guilty to rape earlier this year. "(The victim) told me herself that her father asked her several times during the trip to Missouri, and even the day of the marriage, if it was something she wanted to do,” Douglas Knutson said, according to Fox 31. Strawn had been initially charged with two felony injury to a child charges and one felony charge of accessory to rape. He pleaded guilty to felony injury to a child charge as part of a plea deal, according to the station. "I love my daughter very much and I would never do anything to intentionally harm her or put her in harm’s way,” Strawn said, according to the station. "I made the wrong decision, and I made that decision in duress.” ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Drew RE: Intermittent sound problems Dear Webby On occasion, when running a program, I lose the sound for a while and sometimes it comes back on. What can cause this and what can I do to prevent it from happening again? This occurs when I am playing games or running a child's program for my Granddaughter. Drew Dear Drew One possibility is a bad speaker cord or plug. That is the most common. Another is that you need to clean out your tmporary Internet files and spybots and reboot. Good Luck! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Two English men are walking along O'Connell Street in Dublin, Ireland when they see a sign in a shop window. Suits $15.00, shirts $2.00, trousers $2.50. One said to the other one "Look at that - we could buy a lot of that gear and, when we get back to England we could make a fortune, When we go into the shop don't say anything, let me do all the talking, cause if they hear our accent they might not serve us, so I'll speak in my best Irish accent." They go in and he orders, 50 suits at $15.00, 100 shirts at $2.00 and 50 trousers at $2.50 The owner of the shop says "You're English aren't you?" The Englishman replies "Oh bother... Yes, how did you know that?" The owner says, "This is a dry cleaners..." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Banana Peels and Tea Bags for Roses By MELISSA [2 Posts, 2 Comments] Give your rose bushes your used tea bags and banana peels. They will love you for it. Also hydrangeas will love your water from when you boil potatoes. You can also use the potato peels at the bottom of your plants. By tennis4two from Madison, IN ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ One day at a trial, an eminent psychologist was called to testify. A severe no nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair unaware that it's rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform. "Will you state your name?" asked the district attorney. Tilting back in her chair she opened her mouth to answer, but instead catapulted head-over-heels backward and landed in a stack of exhibits and recording equipment. Everyone watched in stunned silence as she extricated herself, rearranged her dishevelled dress and hair and was reseated on the witness stand. The glare she directed at onlookers dared anyone to so much as smirk. "Well, doctor," continued the district attorney without changing expression, "we could start with an easier question." ___________________________________________________
the day the music died (2-3-59)
____________________________________________________ Paul wore a toupe. One Sunday morning he was fussing about how bad it looked and everyone would know he wore a toupe. His 7 year old daughter told him "No they won't... no one I told, had known!" ____________________________________________________ One time, sitting in the Phoenix airport, they announced that the flight to Vegas was full. The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats. In exchange, they'd give you a $100 voucher for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later. About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer. About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter announced: "If there is anyone else, OTHER than the flight crew, who'd like to volunteer, please step forward..." ____________________________________________________
The 2016 National Geographic Travel Photographer of the Year Contest

Today on May 28
585 BC Thales Miletus predicted a solar eclipse.
585 BC The Persian-Lydian battle ended.
1533 England's Archbishop declared the marriage of 
 King Henry VIII to Anne Boleyn valid.
1805 Napoleon was crowned in Milan, Italy.
1863 The first black regiment left Boston to fight 
 in the U.S. Civil War.
1900 Britain annexed the Orange Free State.
1918 Azerbaijan declared independence.
1928 Chrysler Corporation merged with Dodge Brothers, Inc.
1937 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt pushed a button in 
 Washington, DC, signaling that vehicular traffic could 
 cross the newly opened Golden Gate Bridge in California.
1940 During World War II, Belgium surrendered to Germany.
1976 The Peaceful Nuclear Explosion Treaty was signed, 
 limiting any nuclear explosion regardless of its purpose 
 to a yield of 150 kilotons.
1987 Mathias Rust, a 19-year-old West German pilot, landed 
 a private plane in Moscow's Red Square after evading 
 Soviet air defenses. He was released August 3, 1988.
1995 An earthquake in the Russian town Neftegorsk killed 
 at least 2000 people. It had a magnitude of 7.5.
1996 U.S. President Clinton's former business partners 
 in the Whitewater land deal were convicted of fraud.
1998 Dr. Susan Terebey discovered a planet outside of 
 our solar system with the use of photos taken by the 
 Hubble Space Telescope.
1999 In Milan, Italy, Leonardo de Vinci's "The Last Supper" 
 was put back on display after more than 20 years of 
 restoration work.
2002 Russia became a limited partner in NATO with the 
 creation of the NATO-Russia Council.



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