Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, March 12.

Today I have to drive to Calgary for measurements regarding
my Cataract operation in July.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to 
a N.M. woman jailed for assaulting mother with a vibrator.
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1985 Former U.S. President Richard M. Nixon announced that 
 he planned to drop Secret Service protection and hire his 
 own bodyguards in an effort to lower the deficit by $3 million.


Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only 
skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, 
an adorable pancreas?
--- Jean Kerr  

Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody 
trusts an unidentified source.
--- Ron Nesen   


Fix, Clean and Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs
Rated 5 Cows at Tucows!

"Call me Tex!" was the cowboy's reply.

"Well, Tex, where in Texas are you from?" the policeman 
asked.

"Nah, I'm from Louisiana, but Ah shore don't want you to
call me Louise!"


Early in the marriage, Helen, the wife's lifelong friend,
came to dinner.  During the course of the meal, she broke
a fork in half.

"Don't worry about it, Helen," said the husband. "It's just one
of those cheap sets you get for subscribing to that recipe
magazine."

The wife turned to the husband and announced,
"Honey, Helen gave us that set as a wedding gift!"





Click on the picture for the large version
Leona, get the kids! They are driving me batty!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Jules Bahler, 21, Bay City, Michigan

Jailed for Assaulting Mother With Vibrator

Cara Claffy, a 35-year-old New Mexico woman, was jailed 
Sunday after she allegedly assaulted her own mother with 
a vibrator.

According to police, officers were dispatched to an 
Albuquerque residence Sunday night after Sheryl Claffy, 
60, called to report that her daughter, Clara, "struck 
her on the head with a vibrator" and was attempting to 
flee the scene.

When officers arrived at the residence, Sheryl Claffy 
pointed them towards a nearby truck and told them that she 
believed her daughter was inside. Officers noted that Sheryl 
Claffy was "bleeding profusely" from her head.

Officers inspected the truck and found a male driver inside 
with a vibrator laying on the passenger side floor. Cara 
Claffy was not inside the truck, however, she was detained 
moments later as she exited a neighbor's home.

During a police interview, Claffy admitted to arguing with 
her mother but denied striking her with a vibrator. She 
then insisted that her mother's injury was self inflicted.

Officers interviewed Sheryl Claffy who stated that she and 
her daughter were watching television when an argument ensued. 
That's when her daughter allegedly picked up a vibrator and 
struck her in the head with it.

Cara Claffy was booked into the Bernalillo County Jail and 
charged with aggravated battery and domestic violence. Her 
bond has been set at $3,500.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Clyde
Re: Scam virus report

Dear Webby,
I got two phone calls yesterday from a foreign sounding 
woman. My cable TV screen gave a name and number, I think 
area code 717. The one who called said my computer with 
a windows operating system had a virus or some problem. 
The first time I just hung up. The second time, an adress 
came up and she apparently knew my address. It is in the 
telephone book. I told her I did not have a computer and 
she seemed confused.
I assume it was a scam. Any comments?
Clyde Senger

Dear Clyde
Yes, definitely a scam.
Just put them on hold until they hang up.
That wastes their time without wasting yours.

If your computer was infected and used in a bot-net to
attack a server, the attacked server would just block your
IP. Since those attacks usually involve tens of thousands 
of infected computers, it would be impossible to call all
of their owners.

One of my servers carries maidanua.org, a Human Rights
watchdog and reporting site in Ukraine. It is currently
under steady attack from huge bot-nets. The bot-nets
are tens of thousands of infected computers all ganging
up on the Maidan sites, without the owners of those machines
knowing about it. 

Naturally, we use a big Linux machine, that can handle that
sustained attack, and as you can see at http://maidanua.org/,
it doesn't even slow it down much. 

The idea of calling tens of thousands of grannies and grampas
to tell them, that their Windoze is infected, would just
cause some grins here, but nobody would consider doing that.

So if some tele-sl** tries to BS you, put her on hold.

Scanning your machine on a regular basis ensures, that YOUR
machine is not part of a Russian controlled bot-net.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing Soap Build Up from Laundry 

I have a front load washer that saves energy with the 
water and electricity. I have found that my clothes 
are in need of softening up. There seemed to be a soap 
build up in them. I have a "rinse only" button on my 
machine. 

I rinse the clothes first with white vinegar to remove 
any soap build up. Then I wash with 1/2 the soap and 
fabric softener, plus put the load on a light wash cycle. 
I have found my clothes are softer and the cost to do 
a load is less. 

By Sheila 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog

Dentist - "Try to relax. I'll pull your aching tooth in five minutes."

Patient - "How much will this cost?"

Dentist - "It`ll be $100."

Patient - "That much for just five minutes work?"

Dentist - "Well if you prefer, I can pull it out very slowly
and make it last half an hour."




Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist
if she can give him something for the hiccups.

The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps
the man's face.

"What did you do that for?" the man asks.

"Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore do you?"

The man says, "No, but my wife out in the car still does!"


>From Edna
When my younger brother was very young, he always
walked up to the church altar with my mother when she took
communion. On one occasion, he tugged at her arm and
asked, "What's that latin stuff the priest says when he
gives you the bread?"

Mom whispered something in his ear. Imagine his shock
many years later when he learned that the priest
doesn't say, "Be quiet or I'll knock your block off!"



» Pet Power





Today in 
1496 Jews were expelled from Syria.
1609 The Bermuda Islands became an English colony.
1664 New Jersey became a British colony. King Charles II 
 granted land in the New World to his brother James (The 
 Duke of York).
1755 In North Arlington, NJ, the steam engine was used for 
 the first time in America.
1809 Britain signed a treaty with Persia forcing the 
 French to leave the country.
1879 The British Zulu War began.
1889 Almon B. Stowger applied for a patent for his 
 automatic telephone system.
1894 Coca-Cola was sold in bottles for the first time.
1903 The Czar of Russia issued a decree providing for 
 nominal freedom of religion throughout his territory.
1904 After 30 years of drilling, the tunnel under the 
 Hudson River was completed. The link was between 
Jersey City, NJ, and New York, NY.
1905 In Rome, Premier Giovanni Giolli was forced out 
 of office by continued civil strife.
1909 Three U.S. warships were ordered to Nicaragua to 
 stem the conflict with El Salvador.
1911 Dr. Fletcher of Rockefeller Institute discovered 
 the cause of infantile paralysis.
1912 The Girl Scout organization was founded. The original 
 name was Girl Guides.
1923 Dr. Lee DeForest demonstrated phonofilm. It was his 
 technique for putting sound on motion picture film.
1930 Ghandi began his 200-mile march to the sea that 
 symbolized his defiance of British rule over India.
1933 President Paul von Hindenburg dropped the flag of 
 the German Republic and ordered that the swastika and 
 empire banner be flown side by side.
1938 The "Anschluss" took place as German troops 
 entered Austria.
1940 Finland surrendered to Russia ending the 
 Russo-Finnish War.
1944 Britain barred all travel to Ireland.
1947 U.S. President Truman established the "Truman Doctrine" 
 to help Greece and Turkey resist Communism.
1959 The U.S. House joined the U.S. Senate in approving 
 the statehood of Hawaii.
1985 Former U.S. President Richard M. Nixon announced that 
 he planned to drop Secret Service protection and hire his 
 own bodyguards in an effort to lower the deficit by $3 million.
1989 About 2,500 veterans and supporters marched at the 
 Art Institute of Chicago to demand that officials remove 
 an American flag placed on the floor as part of an exhibit.
1993 In the U.S., the Pentagon called for the closure of 31 
 major military bases.
1994 The Church of England ordained its first women priests.
1999 Hungary, Poland and the Czech Republic became members 
 of NATO. All three countries were formerly members of the 
 Warsaw Pact.
2003 In Utah, Elizabeth Smart was reunited with her family 
 nine months after she was abducted from her home. She had 
 been taken on June 5, 2002, by a drifter that had previously 
 worked at the Smart home.
2003 The U.S. Air Force announced that it would resume 
 reconnaissance flights off the coast of North Korea. The 
 flights had stopped on March 2 after an encounter with 
 four armed North Korean jets.
2009 It was announced that the Sear Tower in Chicago, IL, 
 would be renamed Willis Tower. 
2014  smiled.

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