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Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, April 30

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to an NC man arrested when he tried to pay bail with counterfeit money Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 30, in 1803 The U.S. purchased the Louisiana Territory from France for $15 million. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) There's a difference between a philosophy and a bumper sticker. --- Charles M. Schulz (1922 - 2000) "The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it." --- Franklin P. Jones _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Women hate self-service gas stations. The service is always so poor ... and slow too.
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When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family." "Your mother's side or your father's?" Doc asked. "Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family." "Oh, come now," Doc said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?" He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime!" ______________________________________________________ Three old pilots walking on the ramp. The first one says, "Windy, isn't it?" Second one yells in reply, "No, it's Thursday!" Third one hollers back, "So am I. Let's go get a beer!" ______________________________________________________ Taber ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Bailey, 31, Albany, Indiana Indiana REGIONAL Burglar sues homeowner claiming he suffered 'serious and permanent damage' when he was shot in the arm by the resident as he fled the scene A burglar who broke into an Indiana man's garage two years ago has sued the homeowner for shooting him during the incident. David Bailey, now 31, of Albany, Indiana, broke into David McLaughlin's Dunkirk garage on April 21, 2014, authorities said. McLaughlin, now 33, fired gunshots at the intruder as he fled, hitting Bailey in the left arm as he ran through an alley. Bailey's lawsuit, which was filed last week against McLaughlin, asks for 'a monetary award in an amount sufficient to compensate (Bailey) for all damages', according to KSDK. David Bailey (pictured), 31, of Albany, Indiana, broke into David McLaughlin's Dunkirk garage on April 21, 2014 ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Brie RE: Driver Updates Dear Webby Our consultant tried to sell us a program that backs up all the drivers for printers and so on. Do we really need that? Brie Dear Brie I used to back up drivers but found that to be a silly nuisance. Some of them won't install properly unless installed from the CD that came with the device they are for, and some have become obsolete. For example, if you send a printer to the garage sale and get a new one, do you really bother to get rid of the driver for the old one? The same goes for fax programs. Each one that you try and discard leaves behind a driver. That of course leads to a dangerous accumulation of drivers that may or may not interfere with each other or other programs. At best they waste time during start-up, at worst they prevent programs or devices from operating as well as they should. Drivers are easy enough to download from the manufacturers web site, and if you get a CD with a new device, store that in a ziplock bag taped to the side of the computer or desk. That way, if you replace the harddrive or the computer, you got everything handy. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ At 75 Millie still walked down to the park every day, sat on "HER" bench and fed old bread from the old folks home kitchen to the birds. One day she picked up a whole loaf that had gone past it's prime instead of the buns she usually got. Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each bird with joy. She sat there without being noticed by anyone in the rich suburban neighborhood. Then suddenly a man in his early 40's rained on her parade by telling her that she shouldn't throw away good food on a bunch of dumb birds that could find food anywhere when there are a lot of people starving in Africa. She smiled at him and exclaimed:" That is an excellent idea!" Then she handed him the half loaf of bread she still had, and said: "Here, you bring it to them." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Kentucky Style Fried Chicken Found this at "The Cooking Nook". Ingredients 1 whole chicken, cut into pieces 2 - 3 eggs, beaten 3 - 4 Tbsp. oil for frying Coating Mixture: 2 cups flour 4 tsp. paprika 2 1/2 tsp. salt 1/2 - 1 tsp. pepper 1 tsp. poultry seasoning 1 tsp. thyme 1 tsp. oregano 1 tsp. tarragon 1/2 tsp. garlic salt 1/2 t. onion salt 1/2 tsp. celery salt Directions Mix together all the coating ingredients and place in a clean plastic bag. Dip each piece into beaten egg, then into the flour mixture in the bag. Coat the chicken completely with the flour mixture. Place the oil in a skillet and heat. Brown the chicken in oil slowly (225 degrees F, if you are using an electric skillet), uncovered. Cover the skillet and continue to fry at a very low heat until the chicken is fully cooked, approximately 1 hour. Drain well on paper towels. Tips and Variations: This recipe can be prepared using a deep fryer and is actually perfect for the fryer. Follow the directions on your fryer. Make sure your oil is hot before adding the chicken. The chicken shouldn't be greasy when it is cooked in hot oil, but if the oil is cool, it will absorb the grease. By redskin. from Brockville, Ont., Can. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen. He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don't want to have to do what I dun back in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I walked home." ___________________________________________________
mason bee pulling a nail out of a cement block
____________________________________________________ Groan Alert ! From Ms Myrna What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef. __________________________________________________ An uncertain and nervous witness was being cross- examined. The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married?" "Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once." "Whom did you marry?" "Well, a woman." The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman. Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?" The witness said meekly, "MY mother did." ____________________________________________________
25 Cell Phone Towers Disguised to Look Like Something Else

Today on April 30
0030 Jesus of Nazareth was crucified. 
0313 Licinius unified the whole of the eastern empire.
1250 King Louis IX of France was ransomed for one million dollars. 
1803 The U.S. purchased the Louisiana Territory from France 
 for $15 million. 
1849 The republican patriot and guerrilla leader Giuseppe 
 Garabaldi repulsed a French attack on Rome. 
1864 Work began on the Dams along the Red River. The work would 
 allow Union General Nathaniel Banks' troops to sail over the 
 rapids above Alexandria, Louisiana. 
1900 Hawaii was organized as an official U.S. territory. 
1900 Casey Jones was killed while trying to save the runaway 
 train "Cannonball Express." 
1938 Happy Rabbit appeared in the cartoon "Porky's Hare Hunt." 
 This rabbit would later evolve into Bugs Bunny. 
1939 The first railroad car equipped with fluorescent lights 
 was put into service. The train car was known as the 
 "General Pershing Zephyr." 
1943 The British submarine HMS Seraph dropped 'the man who 
 never was,' a dead man the British planted with false 
 invasion plans, into the Mediterranean off the coast 
 of Spain. 
1945 Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun committed suicide. They had 
 been married for one day. One week later Germany surrendered 
 unconditionally. 
1947 The name of Boulder Dam, in Nevada, was changed back 
 to Hoover Dam. 
1964 The FCC ruled that all TV receivers should be equipped to 
 receive both VHF and UHF channels. 
1968 U.S. Marines attacked a division of North Vietnamese in 
 the village of Dai Do. 
1970 U.S. troops invaded Cambodia to disrupt North Vietnamese 
 Army base areas. The announcement by U.S. President Nixon 
 led to widespread protests. 
1972 The North Vietnamese launched an invasion of the South. 
1975 Communist North Vietnamese troops entered the 
 Independence Palace of South Vietnam in Saigon. 11 Marines 
 lifted off of the U.S. Embassy were the last soldiers to 
 evacuate. 
1980 Terrorists seized the Iranian Embassy in London. 
1984 U.S. President Reagan signed cultural and scientific 
 agreements with China. He also signed a tax accord that 
 would make it easier for American companies to operate 
 in China. 
1991 An estimated 125,000 people were killed in a cyclone 
 that hit Bangladesh. 
1998 NATO was expanded to include Poland, Hungary and the 
 Czech Republic. The three nations were formally admitted 
 the following April at NATO's 50th anniversary summit. 
1998 United and Delta airlines announced their alliance that 
 would give them control of 1/3 of all U.S. passenger seats. 
1998 In the U.S., Federal regulators fined a contractor 
 $2.25 million for improper handling of oxygen canisters on 
 ValuJet that crashed in the Florida Everglades in 1996. 
2002 Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf was 
overwhelmingly approved for another five years as 
president. 
2016  smiled.
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