Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, May 22

OK, so now I am officially an ornery old goat.
I got about 300 birthday wishes by email and FB messages,
and even got some pictures of cupcakes. 
Not a penny from PayPal. 
Rather dismal 70th birthday. 
Is that a hint that maybe it is time to retire?

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Today, May 22 in
1972 The island Ceylon adopted a new constitution 
and became the republic of Sri Lanka.
 More of today in history at History
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Today's Bonehead Award: 
Drunk Man Rode A Lawn Mower Into Cop Car

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Those who agree with us may not be right, 
but we admire their astuteness.
--- Cullen Hightower

Adventure is just bad planning.
--- Roald Amundsen (1872 - 1928) 

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to
learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable
for their apparent disinclination to do so."
--- Douglas Adams

 If you want to cut down on the number of relatives who are
 hanging around, borrow money from the rich ones and lend
 money to the ones who are poor. You will never see any of
 them again.
--- Socratex
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During a friendly argument, my husband asked me why I
married him in the first place. "I was just stupid," I
teased. When he said he was happy to hear that, I requested
an explanation.

"People get divorced all the time because they fall out of
love," he said. "But I've never heard of anybody falling out
of stupid."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Gary Wayne Anderson, 
68, 
Haines City,
Floriduh

Drunk Man Rode A Lawn Mower Into Cop Car


Police arrested Gary Wayne Anderson, 68, for a DUI charge after
he crashed his lawn mower into a Haines City police vehicle.

Anderson's driver's license has been suspended since 1978. He has
two prior DUI convictions.

Anderson failed the field sobriety test and was taken to the
Haines City Police Department. At the department, Anderson told
officers he had been poisoned by police and demanded to be taken
to a hospital, the HCPD said.

At Heart of Florida Regional Medical Center, his blood-alcohol
level was .241   more than three times the legal limit of 0.08%,
according to Mike Ferguson, a spokesman for the HCPD. Cocaine was
also found in Anderson's system, police reported.

The crash caused minor damage to the rear bumper of the police
car.

According to Chief Elensky of the Haines City, Police Department,
 It's never a good idea to get behind the wheel drunk, even if
that wheel is to a Craftsman, Massey Ferguson or John Deere. 


From: Jim
Re: myMemorizer

Dear Webby
I enjoy starting every day with your email and thank Martin
(RIP) for recommending it.

Check out mymemorizer.com and consider recommending it.  
Like so many people, I was forgetting appointments etc and 
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daily.

Jim

Dear Jim
I have recommended myMemorizer a few times.
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DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

A group of Montana high schooler students played a
prank: they let three goats loose in the school
building.

But before they let them go, they painted numbers
on the sides of the goats: 1, 2 and 4.

The best part of the prank was when, after they had
rounded up the three goats, the school
administrators spent the rest of the day looking
for goat #3.

-------------------
We did that with 3 cows in the 60s after we had learned that cows
can walk UP stairs, but not down. They had to be carried down.



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After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his
clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her
with a hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug and kiss when he
left.

Later, the wife's roommate commented: 
"Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine."

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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Back To School Routine
Start getting your back to school routine started. Have your kids
wake up and go sleep at the same time they will the week before
school starts. Also serve dinner at the same time you will when
school starts. It will make the transition much easier for them
and for you.
thriftyfun.Com


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I've never had "scuppernong wine" but I've had lots of wild muscadine jelly.

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Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer, 
while a telephone repairman worked nearby.  One preacher 
claimed, "Kneeling is definitely best." 

"No," another contended.  "I get the best results standing 
with my hands outstretched to Heaven." 

"You're both wrong," the third insisted.  "The most effective 
prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor." 

The repairman could contain himself no longer.  "Hey, 
fellas," he interrupted, "the best prayin' I ever did 
was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole
in a thunderstorm." 

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The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his
front door onto the porch.

Someone called 911.

When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain
consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.

"It was enough to make anybody faint," he said.

"My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead
of driving the car out,  he came out with the lawn mower."

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Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


Laws of the Universe

1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with
grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee. 

2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the
least accessible corner. 

3. Law of probability: The probability of being watched is
directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. 

4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never
get a busy signal. 

5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work
because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have
a flat tire. 

6. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one
you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in
now. (works every time). 

7. Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the
telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone
you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be
seen with. 

9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a
machine won't work, it will. 

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Today May 22 in
1246 Henry Raspe was elected anti-king by the Rhenish prelates in
France. 

1455 King Henry VI was taken prisoner by the Yorkists at the
Battle of St. Albans, during the War of the Roses. 

1570 Abraham Ortelius published the first modern atlas in
Belgium. 

1761 In Philadelphia, the first life insurance policy was issued
in the U.S. 

1819 The steamship Savannah became the first to cross the
Atlantic Ocean. 

1841 Henry Kennedy received a patent for the first reclining
chair. 

1849 Abraham Lincoln received a patent for the floating dry dock.

1868 Near Marshfield, IN, The "Great Train Robbery" took place.
The robbery was worth $96,000 in cash, gold and bonds to the
seven members of the Reno gang. 

1872 The Amnesty Act restored civil rights to Southerners. 

1882 The U.S. formally recognized Korea. 

1891 The first public motion picture was given in Thomas Edison's
lab. 

1892 Dr. Washington Sheffield invented the toothpaste tube. 

1900 The Associated Press was incorporated as a non-profit news
cooperative in New York. 

1900 A. DeVilbiss, Jr. patented his pendulum-type computing
scale. 

1900 Edwin S. Votey received a patent for the pianola (a
pneumatic piano player). It could be attached to any piano. 

1906 The Wright brothers received a patent their flying machine. 

1939 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini signed a military alliance
between Germany and Italy known as the "Pact of Steel." 

1947 The Truman Doctrine was enacted by the U.S. Congress to
appropriate military and economic aid for Turkey and Greece. 

1955 A scheduled dance to be headlined by Fats Domino was
canceled by police in Bridgeport, Connecticut because "rock and
roll dances might be featured." 

1969 A lunar module of Apollo 10 flew within nine miles of the
moon's surface. The event was a rehearsal for the first lunar
landing. 

1972 U.S. President Nixon became the first U.S. president to
visit Russia. He met with Soviet leader Leonid Brezhnev. 

1972 The island Ceylon adopted a new constitution and became the
republic of Sri Lanka. 

1986 Sylvester Stallone agreed to a 10-picture, six-year deal
with United Artists. He signed for a reported $15 million for
each film. 

1990 In the Middle East, North and South Yemen merged to become a
single state known as the Republic of Yemen. 

1990 Microsoft released Windows 3.0. 

1997 Kelly Flinn, the U.S. Air Force's first female bomber pilot
certified for combat, accepted a general discharge. She thereby
avoided court-martial on charges of adultery, lying and
disobeying an order. 

1998 New information came to light about the June 1996 bombing
that killed 19 American airmen. The information indicated that
Saudi citizens had been responsible and not Iranians as once
believed. 

1998 Voters in Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland
turned out to cast ballots giving approval to a Northern Ireland
peace accord. 

2002 Chandra Levy's remains were found in Washington, DC's Rock
Creek Park. She was last seen on April 30, 2001. California
Congressman Gary Condit was questioned in the case due to his
relationship with Levy. 

2002 In Birmingham, AL, a jury convicted former Ku Klux Klansman
Bobby Frank Cherry of murder in the 1963 church bombing that
killed four girls. 

2003 At the Colonial in Fort Worth, TX, Annika Sorenstam became
the first woman to play on the PGA tour in 58 years. She ended
the day at 1-over par. 

2012 In Japan, the Tokyo Skytree tower opened. 

2019  smiled.


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Well, 
, that's all for today.



Have FUN !

Dear Webby from Webby.com


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