Dear Webby's Humor Letter
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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday,  August 26

Today I have to go to Calgary for more injections into my 
eyeballs. That means no newsletters for 2-3 days afterwards.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Texas babysitter, who set fire to home of 'disrespectful' kids Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1973 A U.S. Presidential Proclamation was declared that made August 26th Women's Equality Day. (August 24 is "Go Topless Day")
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Seeing ourselves as others see us would probably confirm our worst suspicions about them. --- Franklin P. Adams
An old lady is walking around in a supermarket calling out, "Crisco, Creeeesscohhhh!" Soon a store clerk approaches and says, "Lady, the Crisco is in aisle D." The old lady replies, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff. I'm calling my husband." The clerk is astonished. "Your husband's name is Crisco?" The old lady answers, "Oh no, no, no. I only call him that when we're out in public." "I see," said the clerk. "What do you call him at home?" "Lardo."
A synagogue had just opened for business while at the same time a Catholic church opened across the street. After some time the Rabbi noticed that a convent had been added to the church, More time later a Catholic school was built, then a gymnasium. Concerned the Rabbi called together his staff and expressed his concern, "We've been here the same amount of time as our neighbors and look, they've grown while we still have our same small temple - what are we doing wrong?" And so it was decided, they'd send Morris to attend a service on Sunday and check out what was going on over there. Sunday comes and all the men from the congregation are peeking thru the windows as Morris enters the church. Not 15 minutes later and Morris comes flying across the street, yelling and waving his arms. "So what happened?" says the Rabbi "Oy, you wouldn't believe it" says Morris "I go into the church, I sit down, then from the left a guy in a dress comes out unto the stage and he's chanting "I can play dominoes better than you can - I can play dominoes better than you can", then from the right of the stage some young boys swinging incense followed by another guy in a dress starts chanting "I bet you don't - I bet you don't" then back and forth they go "I can play dominoes better than you can - -I bet you don't", then from outta' the back four men in black suits come down the aisles and pick up the bets !!!"
Thanks to Jean for sending this:

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Martha Dreher, 57, Austin, Texas Texas babysitter, who set fire to home of 'disrespectful' kids A Texas babysitter was arrested after setting fire to the house of children she said “lacked respect.” Martha Dreher, 57, has pleaded not guilty to arson charges, ABC reported Saturday. The house fire occurred on August 9 at an Austin home belonging to Glenn Williams. Dreher had been babysitting Williams’ four children -- two preteen girls and 5-year-old twin boys -- for several months, KVUE reports. On the night of August 9, the daughters were on vacation with their father, and Dreher was watching the two boys at their mother’s house, according to the American-Statesman. The babysitter told police that she went to Williams’ residence at about 9 p.m. to get some popcorn. Police say that security cameras show that the fire started about 25 minutes after she got there, and that the blaze was escalating as the babysitter drove away. Dreher allegedly told cops she “never saw a fire.” Williams told KVUE that his teenage son noticed the fire when he returned home that night, and that whoever set it had closed the doors of the girls’ bedrooms as if to contain the fire to those rooms. “It was definitely a vendetta against the two girls," the children’s father told KVUE. “Before I left, she had taken the girls clothes shopping, and she said that it was horrible, that my oldest had been very disrespectful to her and she didn't think it was a good match and she probably didn't want to do this anymore." Though Drehey denied setting any fires, she allegedly described the girls to investigators as “out of control, lacking respect for her and having disciplines issues,” according to documents obtained by The Statesman. Tech Support Pits From: Bree (like Brie, but sweeter) Re: Icon text background Dear Webby How can I get rid of the ugly icon text background in Windoze 7? You showed me once how to do it in XP, but I have long forgotten how to do that. Thanks Bree Dear Bree It is a ridiculous rigmarole in Windows 7, just like it was in XP. You might want to print this out or keep it open. 1) MyComputer 2) Control Panel 3) System 4) Advanced System Settings 5) Advanced 6) Performance Settings 7) Scroll down to the second last checkbox: Use drop shadows for icon labels on the desktop 8) Put a checkmark in there 9) Hit OK 10) Hit OK until you are out of that thilly wigmarole. Yes, I agree it is absolutely moronic to hide a necessary function that far down. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com 2 Ingredient Pancakes Who knew you could make yummy pancakes with just 2 ingredients? All it takes is one banana and two eggs. These gluten free discs might not taste exactly like your standard pancake, but once you try them, you will be hooked. Sweet, custardy and guilt-free! Approximate Time: 10 minutes Yield: 10 mini pancakes Ingredients: 1 banana, peeled 2 eggs Steps: Mix the banana and eggs together to make a batter. Cook mini pancakes in a pan, as you would when making regular pancakes. By attosa [103] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Bob moved into an apartment and went shopping for cleaning equipment. His cart was loaded with a broom, mop, dust-pan, sponges and a full array of cleaning products. At the last minute he topped off his cart with a lone food purchase -- a large bag of potato chips. Seeing the checkout clerk's quizzical look, he explained, "I'm a very messy eater."
Nine year old Little Johnny, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission, to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge so that the cops could not follow them, and all the Israelites were saved." "Now, Johnny, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked, scornfully. "Well, no, Mom. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it."

» Nuts

Today in 
55 B.C. Britain was invaded by Roman forces under Julius Caesar.
1498 Michelangelo was commissioned to make the "Pieta." 
1847 Liberia was proclaimed as an independent republic. 
1896 In the Philippines an insurrection began against the 
 Spanish government. 
1934 Adolf Hitler demanded that France return the Saar 
 region to Germany. It had been awarded to France after WWI
1937 All Chinese shipping was blockaded by Japan. 
1939 The first televised major league baseball games were shown. 
 The event was a double-header between the Cincinnati Reds 
 and the Brooklyn Dodgers. 
1945 The Japanese were given surrender instructions on the 
 U.S. battleship Missouri at the end of World War II.
1957 It was announced that an intercontinental ballistic 
 missile was successfully tested by the Soviet Union. 
1957 The first Edsel made by the Ford Motor Company rolled 
 of the assembly line. 
1961 The International Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto opened. 
1973 A U.S. Presidential Proclamation was declared that made 
 August 26th Women's Equality Day. 
1978 Sigmund Jahn blasted off aboard the Russian Soyuz 31 and 
 became the first German in space. 
1981 The U.S. claimed that North Korea fired an antiaircraft 
 missile at a U.S. Surveillance plane while it was over 
 South Korea. 
1987 The Fuller Brush Company announced plans to open two 
 retail stores in Dallas, TX. The company that had sold its 
 products door to door for 81 years. 
1990 The 55 Americans at the U.S. Embassy in Kuwait left 
 Baghdad by car and headed for the Turkish border. 
1991 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev promised that 
 national elections would be held. 
1992 A "no-fly zone" was imposed on the southern 1/3 of 
 Iraq. The move by the U.S., France and Britain was aimed 
 at protecting Iraqi Shiite Muslims. 
1998 The U.S. government announced that they were 
 investigating Microsoft in an attempt to discover if 
 they "bullied" Intel into delaying new technology. 
2014  smiled.
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