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Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, May 29
Today I have to go to Calgary for injections into my
eyeball. That means no newsletters on Tuesday, Wednesday and
Thursday.
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History: Today, May 29 in
1953, Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tenzing Norgay became first
men to reach the top of Mount Everest.
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Bonehead
An unarmed 11-year-old was shot by the very Mississippi police
officer he called to help protect his mum
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Q
The human race has one really effective weapon,
and that is laughter.
--- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
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A man was driving along a dusty road, when he ran out
of gas. The man walked to the nearest house and asked
if he could get some gas. The owner of the house said
that he could stay the night if he wished, since the
gas stations were now closed. "But I must warn you,"
said the owner, "there's a monster in the garage. No
matter what you do, don't touch it."
With that, the owner went upstairs to sleep. But the
man was curious, and went out to the garage. He flipped
on the lights, and saw a huge, horrible, reptilian
monster, curled up in a heaving, grunting ball in the
corner. He walked close and stuck out his tongue at it.
Nothing. He made a nasty face at it. Nothing. He called
him some evil names. He made fun of his mother.
Absolutely nothing. So he put out his finger and
touched the monster. All of a sudden, the monster
sprung up and roared. The man wasted no time and took
off running -- with the monster in hot pursuit, and
gaining.
The man found himself on the edge of a cliff with
nowhere to go, and the pounding steps of the monster
getting closer and closer. Then the monster was upon
and with one giant claw put his finger on the man's
shoulder.
"You're it."
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A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I would
like to live very long. What should I do?"
"I think that is a wise decision," the doctor replies.
"Let's see, do you smoke?"
"Oh.. Half a pack a day."
"Starting NOW, no more smoking." The man agrees.
The doctor then asks, "Do you drink?"
"Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my
meals, and a beer or two every once in a while."
"Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions."
The man is a bit upset, but also agrees.
The doctor asks, "How do you eat?"
"Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff."
"Starting now you are going on a very strict diet.
You are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no
dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese."
The man is now really worried. "Doc, is all this
really necessary?"
"Do you want to live long?"
"Yes."
"Well then, it's absolutely necessary. And don't
even think of breaking the diet." The man is
quite restless, but the doctor continues, "Do
you have sex?"
"Yeah, once a week or so..., only with my wife!"
he adds hurriedly.
"As soon as you get out of here you are going to
buy twin beds. No more sex for you. None."
The man is appalled. "Doc... Are you sure I'm
going to live longer this way?"
"I have no idea, but whatever you live, I assure
you is going to seem like an eternity!"
______________________________________________________
Roseate Spoonbill
© Steven Blandin
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been reported by Rock
Greg Capers,
Indianola,
Mississippi,
USA
An unarmed 11-year-old was shot by the very Mississippi
police officer he called to help protect his mum
Aderrien Murry was ‘shot in the chest’ Saturday morning by an
Indianola Police Department officer responding to a domestic
call at his mother’s home.
His mum, Nakala, asked him to dial 911 at about 4am after an
ex-partner showed up outside their home.
The man was not Aderrien’s father. His sister and Nakala’s
three-year-old nephew were also at the home on BB King Road.
He ‘called the police to come to his mother’s rescue, he
called his grandmother to come to his mother’s rescue, the
police came there and escalated the situation,’ lawyer Carlos
Moore said.
The officer stormed into the home ‘gun blazing’, Moore told
The Washington Post.
Nakala said no one was armed and, as Aderrien complied with
the officer’s orders to come out with his hands up, the
officer shot him in the chest.
‘He shot him immediately when his hands were up, and he’s
coming around the corner,’ Moore said.
‘His words were, “Why did he shoot me? What did I do?” and he
started crying,’ the boy’s mother said at a news conference on
Monday.
Nakala covered her son’s wound and applied pressure as blood
pooled beneath her palm before medics arrived.
Aderrien was taken to the University of Mississippi Medical
Centre for treatment.
He was placed on a ventilator and chest tube having suffered a
collapsed lung, fractured ribs and a lacerated liver, Moore
said.
Aderrien is now recovering at home and is expected to make a
full recovery.
Indianola City Attorney Kimberly Merchant confirmed to The
Enterprise-Tocsin that the officer who shot the little boy was
Greg Capers.
Capers, she added, is no longer on active duty and has been
suspended with pay.
‘The reason why we cannot comment, and I know that it’s
frustrating for folks, but it is a personnel matter,’ she
added.
The Indianola Police Department also confirmed that the
officer was Caper but declined to comment further, according
to CNN.
‘No officers were injured during the incident. A minor
occupant of the residence received significant injuries and
has been transported to a local hospital,’ the agency said.
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An attendant on a cross-country flight nervously announced:
"I don't know how this happened, but we have 103 passengers
aboard and only 40 dinners." When the passengers' muttering
had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to
give up his meal so someone else can eat will receive free
drinks for the length of the flight."
Her next announcement came an hour later. "If anyone of you
singing drunks wants to change his mind, we still have 29
dinners available!"
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Somewhat skeptical of his son's newfound determination to
become the next Charles Atlas, the father nevertheless
followed the teenager over to the weight-lifting department.
"Please, Dad," whined the boy, "I promise I'll use them every
day."
"I don't know, Michael. It's really a big commitment on your
part," the father pointed out.
"Please, Dad?"
"They're not cheap either."
"I'll use them Dad, I promise. You'll see."
Finally won over, the father paid for the equipment and headed
for the door.
>From the corner of the store he heard his son yell, "What!
You
mean I have to carry them to the car?!"
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DearWebby's Tech Support Pits
From: Rhea
RE: Why FireFox for Forms?
Dear Webby,
Judy mentioned that she uses Chrome for browsing and FireFox
for form filling.
Why?
Rhea
Dear Rhea
FireFox traditionally offers the last used entry for a
particular form. Like Auto-Correct, that can be a blessing, or
a curse. If you DON'T want the browser to fill in the
previous
filling, for example "September", then use Chrome.
If you DO want it to fill in reusable stuff, then use Firefox.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please
donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please,
help me stay online!
_____________________________________________
John says, "I received a party invitation last night
and it plainly said 'Black Tie' only. But when I got
there, everyone was wearing suits too!"
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Bernie had never been on a deep-sea fishing boat before,
and he was now thinking it was the stupidest thing he'd
ever done in his life. Who would ever have believed that
seasickness could be this awful?
With every pitch and roll, Bernie wondered how he was
going to survive the remaining two hours of the trip.
One of the deckhands came up to him and said, "Don't worry,
young fella. Nobody ever died of seasickness."
"Oh noooo!!" Bernie wailed... "You've just taken away my
last hope for relief!"
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YOU KNOW YOU'RE TRAILER TRASH WHEN
The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than
your spouse.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner
table in front of her kids.
You've been married three times and still have the same
in-laws.
You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on
a different night.
Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms
so clean.
Someone in your family died right after saying:
"Hey watch this."
You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your junior prom had a daycare.
You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner
are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded
right off its wheels.
The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down,
depending on how much gas is in it.
You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
One of your kids was born on a pool table.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a
freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's
a law against it.
You think "loaded dishwasher" means your wife is drunk.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
Your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs.
Your whole family went to the "dental express" at one time
to get all their teeth pulled.
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©
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Face it, you will have to go outside eventually. Sure,
Amazon.com
will deliver right to your door and now even Taco Bell does
deliveries, but, mark my words: some day you're going to HAVE
to
push away from the computer and go... OUTSIDE. Scary, I
know, but to assist you with the basics, here's a guide:
1. Wear pants or a skirt Countless
attempts to better oneself have been
cut tragically short by leaving the
house without proper attire.
2. Use Your Real Name - Sorry, but
nobody will be impressed if you go by
the name "2HOT4U", "Monarch" or
SATAN666." Names like "Steve" or
Greg" or "Peggy" are just fine.
3.The Telephone is Your Friend Hear
that ringing sound? Pick up the phone. Now speak into it.
4. If Your Car Crashes, You Cannot Simply
Reboot It.
5. Do Not Be Surprised That Nobody Looks
Like Gillian Anderson.
6. Do Not Flame People - Comparing everyone
you disagree with to unclean primates
will not win you friends. In fact, you
may get into a physical fight. If so,
the next tip may be of help.
7. That Red Stuff is Called Blood - Not to
be confused with ketchup, blood is what
keeps you alive. If you are leaking, the
real world offers human tech support in
the form of doctors and hospitals.
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Unaware that Indianapolis is on Eastern Standard Time and
Chicago
on Central Standard Time, Bob inquired at the Indianapolis
airport
about a plane to Chicago.
"The next flight leaves at 1:00 p.m.," a ticket agent said,
"and
arrives in Chicago at 1:01 p.m."
"Would you repeat that, please?" Bob asked.
The agent did so and then inquired, "Do you want a
reservation?"
"No," said Bob, "But I think I'll hang around and watch that
thing take off."
----------
WestJet flights from here, Calgary, Alberta, to
Vancouver, BC, usually arrive half an hour before they take
off.
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Today, May 29 in
1453, Constantinople fell to Ottoman Sultan Mehmed II, ending
the Byzantine Empire.
1660, Charles II was restored to the English throne after the
Puritan Commonwealth.
1721, South Carolina was formally incorporated as a royal
colony.
1765, Patrick Henry denounced the Stamp Act before Virginia's
House of Burgesses.
1790, Rhode Island became the last of the original thirteen
colonies to ratify the U.S. Constitution.
1827, The first nautical school opened in Nantucket, MA, under
the name Admiral Sir Isaac Coffin’s Lancasterian School.
1848, WIsconsin became the 30th state to join the United
States.
1849, A patent for lifting vessels was granted to Abraham
Lincoln.
1910, An airplane raced a train from Albany, NY, to New York
City. The airplane pilot Glenn Curtiss won the $10,000 prize.
1912, Fifteen women were dismissed from their jobs at the
Curtis Publishing Company in Philadelphia, PA, for dancing the
Turkey Trot while on the job.
1916, The official flag of the president of the United States
was adopted.
1916, U.S. forces invaded Dominican Republic and remained
until 1924.
1922, Ecuador became independent.
1922, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that organized baseball was
a sport, not subject to antitrust laws.
1932, World War I veterans began arriving in Washington, DC.
to demand cash bonuses they were not scheduled to receive for
another 13 years.
1951, C.F. Blair became the first man to fly over the North
Pole in single engine plane.
1953, Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tenzing Norgay became first
men to reach the top of Mount Everest.
1962, Buck (John) O’Neil became the first black coach in major
league baseball when he accepted the job with the Chicago
Cubs.
1965, Ralph Boston set a world record in the broad jump at 27-
feet, 4-3/4 inches, at a meet held in Modesto, CA.
1973, Tom Bradley was elected the first black mayor of Los
Angeles.
1974, U.S. President Nixon agreed to turn over 1,200 pages of
edited Watergate transcripts.
1978, In the U.S., postage stamps were raised from 13 cents to
15 cents.
1981, The U.S. performed a nuclear test at the Nevada Test
Site.
1985, Thirty-nine people were killed and 400 were injured in a
riot at a European Cup soccer match in Brussels, Belgium.
1986, Colonel Oliver North told National Security Advisor
William McFarlane that profits from weapons sold to Iran were
being diverted to the Contras.
1988, U.S. President Reagan began his first visit to the
Soviet Union in Moscow.
1988, NBC aired "To Heal A Nation," the story of Jan Scruggs'
effort to build the Vietnam Veterans Memorial.
1990, Boris Yeltsin was elected president of the Russian
republic by the Russian parliament.
1997, The ruling party in Indonesia, Golkar, won the
Parliament election by a record margin. There was a boycott
movement and rioting that killed 200 people.
1999, Space shuttle Discovery completed the first docking with
the International Space Station.
2000, Fiji's military took control of the nation and declared
martial law following a coup attempt by indigenous Fijians in
mid-May.
2001, In New York, four followers of Osama bin Laden were
convicted of a global conspiracy to murder Americans. The
crimes included the 1998 bombings of two U.S. embassies in
Africa that killed 224 people.
2001, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey
Martin could use a cart to ride in tournaments.
2015, The Obama adminstration removed Cuba from the U.S.
terrorism blacklist. The two countries had severed diplomatic
relations in January of 1961.
2023, smiled.
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