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Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, September 26
___________________________________________________
International Bonehead Award
Fake Craigslist "Group Sex" Bust
_____________________________________________________
Today, September 26 in
1985 Shamu was born at Sea World in Orlando, FL. Shamu was the
first killer whale to survive being born in captivity.
_____________________________________________________
Formerly, when religion was strong and science weak, men mistook
magic for medicine; now, when science is strong and religion
weak, men mistake medicine for magic.
--- Thomas Szasz
_____________________________________________________

A Florida officer pulls over eighty-six-year-old Mrs. Pooshpa
because her hand signals were confusing.

"First you put your hand up, like you're turning right, then you
wave your hand up and down, then you turn left," said the
officer.

"I decided not to turn right," she explains.

"Then why the up and down?" asks the officer.

"Officer," she sniffs, "I was erasing!"

_____________________________________________________

 


 Maia Matar
___________________________________________________

An old man decided his old wife was getting hard of hearing. So
he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing
checked.

The Doctor said he could see her in two weeks, and meanwhile
there's a simple, informal test the husband could do to give the
doctor some idea of the dimensions of the problem.
"Here's what you do. Start about 40 feet away from her, and
speak in a normal conversational tone and see if she hears you.
If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a
response."

So that evening she's in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he's in
the living room, and he says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet
away, let's see what happens." "Honey, what's for supper?"

No response.
So he moves to the other end of the room, about 30 feet away.
"Honey, what's for supper?"

No response.
So he moves into the dining room, about 20 feet away. "Honey,
what's for supper?"

No response.
On to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for
supper?".

No response.
So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for supper?"
"For the fifth time," she screams, "CHICKEN!"

___________________________________________________



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by 

Philip James Conran, 
42, 
West Hartford,
Connecticut,
USA

Fake Craigslist "Group Sex" Bust

In a bid to torment a female neighbor with whom he was fighting, the Connecticut man allegedly placed a phony Craigslist ad directing men seeking 'group sex' to the woman's home, police charge. Conran, a 42-year-old chef, today made his initial court appearance in connection with reckless endangerment and harassment counts filed as a result of the fake April 5 online classified. Investigators tied Conran to the Craigslist 'casual encounters' posting--which was purportedly placed by a 'West Hartford soccer mom' and headlined 'looking for lust'--through an analysis of records obtained from Craigslist and AT&T Internet Services, according to an arrest affidavit. When cops tracked an IP address to Conran's home, he confessed to posting the 'party sex' ad directing men to next-door neighbor Terry Sharp's Dartmouth Avenue home. Conran, free on $75,000 bond, is the second person to be arrested as a result of the Craigslist posting. Richard Zeh, one of about a dozen men who showed up to answer the ad, was charged with burglary, sexual assault, and trespassing after he groped and made obscene comments to a 18-year-old woman. Zeh, a 29- year-old personal trainer, accosted the woman after mistakenly going to the wrong West Hartford address. Zeh told police that he was 'bored' when he decided to answer the Craigslist ad. He acknowledged that the button on his shorts had 'fallen off' and that his 'pubic hair and his erect penis could have been sticking out of his pants' when he walked into the teenager's residence.

DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Maryann RE: Colors in W10 Dear Webby, It used to be easy to change colors for different components of Windows, so of course they screwed that up with W10. How is it done now? I want to change the colors of SELECTED items. Since apparently nobody selects the f*ggy liberals, that word is no longer in there. How is it done now? Thanks Maryann Dear Maryann Yes, the unselected liberals did indeed murder the word SELECTED. The politically correct term is now "Accented". Yeah, how schdooopid is THAT! Click on START, SETTINGS, PESONALIZATION, COLORS. In there you can mess around all you want. Make 300% sure you do NOT choose "High Contrast" unless the lid on the dumpster is open. That setting will screw everything up. Other than that, you might wind up with a weird color scheme, but you can safely reverse that and get back to usable colors. And "SELECTED" is now "Accented". Excuse me while I puke! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,
Please donate a dollar,
or two, if you can afford it!
Please, help me stay online!

_____________________________________________

When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his
first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for
sale. Touched by his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman
found him a perch near the American flag. Later, Jose wrote home
enthusiastically about his experience.

"And the Americans, they are so friendly!" he concluded. "Before
the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and sang,

'Jose, can you see?'"

____________________________________________ 

A 4-year-old boy who was asked to return thanks before
Christmas dinner. The family members bowed their heads in
expectation.

He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends,
naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy,
Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts
and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food.

He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit
salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the
Cool Whip. Then he paused, and everyone waited--and waited.
After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his
mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't
he know that I'm lying?"

____________________________________________ 

Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES
WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE
BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN?

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND
UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC.
WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS
A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR.

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE,
BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO
GET LESSONS.

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING.
(PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK).
____________________________________________ 

Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________ Go to TOP


Today September 26 in 
1777 Philadelphia was occupied by British troops during the
American Revolutionary War.

1789 Thomas Jefferson was appointed America's first Secretary of


1908 In "The Saturday Evening Post" an ad for the Edison
Phonograph appeared.

1918 During World War I, the Meuse-Argonne offensive against the
Germans began. It was the final Allied offensive on the western
front.

1950 U.N. troops recaptured the South Korean capital of Seoul
from the North Koreans during the Korean Conflict.

1955 The New York Stock Exchange suffered its worst decline
since 1929 when the word was released concerning U.S. President
Eisenhower's heart attack.

1960 The first televised debate between presidential candidates
Richard M. Nixon and John F. Kennedy took place in Chicago, IL.

1962 "The Beverly Hillbillies" premiered on CBS-TV.

1980 The Cuban government abruptly closed Mariel Harbor to end
the freedom flotilla of Cuban refugees that began the previous
April.

1981 The Boeing 767 made its maiden flight in Everett, WA.

1984 Britain and China initialed a draft agreement on the future
of Hong Kong when the Chinese take over ruling the British
Colony.

1985 Shamu was born at Sea World in Orlando, FL. Shamu was the
first killer whale to survive being born in captivity.

1986 William H. Rehnquist became chief justice of the U.S.
Supreme Court following the retirement of Warren Burger.

1991 Four men and four women began their two-year stay inside
the "Biosphere II." The project was intended to develop
technology for future space colonies.

1993 The eight people who had stayed in "Biosphere II" emerged
from their sealed off environment.  It was scrapped when they
got caught ordering pizza.

1996 Shannon Lucid returned to Earth after being in space for
188 days. she set a time record for a U.S. astronaut in space
and in the world for time spent by a woman in space.

2000 The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Born-Alive
Infants Protection Act. The act states that an infant would be
considered to have been born alive if he or she is completely
extracted or expelled from the mother and breathes and has a
beating heart and definite movement of the voluntary muscles.

2000 Slobodan Milosevic conceded that Vojislav Kostunica had won
Yugoslavia's presidential election and declared a runoff. The
declared runoff prompted mass protests.

2001 In Kabul, Afghanistan, the abandoned U.S. Embassy was
stormed by protesters. It was the largest anti-Amercian protest
since the terror attacks on New York City and Washington, DC, on
September 11.

2001 Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat and Israeli Foreign
Minister Shimon Peres announced plans to formalize a cease-fire
and end a year of fighting in the region.

2006 Facebook was openened to everyone at least 13 years or
older with a valid email address.

2020  smiled.
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