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Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, July 29
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!
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Todays Bonehead Award: Georgia man won $3 million in lottery, used money to build failed crystal meth empire Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, July 29, in 1914 The first transcontinental telephone service was inaugurated when two people held a conversation between New York, NY and San Francisco, CA. More of what happened on this day in history.
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______________________________________________________ The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid. --- Art Spander A gossip is someone who talks to you about others, a bore is someone who talks to you about himself, and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself. --- Lisa Kirk ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ There was a woman who spent some months serving God in Kenya. On her final visit to a remote township she attended a medical clinic. As the Maasai women there began to sing together, she found herself deeply moved by their hauntingly beautiful harmonies. She wanted to always remember this moment and try to share it with friends when she arrived home. With tears flowing down her cheeks, she turned to her friend and asked, "Can you please tell me the translation of the words to this song?" Her friend looked at her and solemnly replied, "If you boil the water, you won't get the shits."
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SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING (and ruin a beautiful resume): --Education: College, August 1880-May 1984. --Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse. --Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget. --I'm a rabid typist. --Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation. ______________________________________________________ On a curvy mountain highway late one night, Bob was complaining about the car behind us. "That guy must be drunk!" he said. "Every time I move over to let him pass, he slows down. When I get back on the road, he gets closer and stays on my tail." Thirty minutes later, the car turned on a set of flashing blue lights. Coming up to his window, the officer said, "Sir, I'd like you to take an alcohol test. You've been swerving on and off the road for half an hour." -------------------- That happened to me too once. However, I knew the road and decided to outrun the "drunk". His buddies were waiting for me in the next town in the morning, when I stopped for coffee. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this picture bfrom Sweden Sweden ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Reported by Annette An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ronnie Music Jr., 45, Brunswick, Georgia Georgia man won $3 million in lottery, used money to build failed crystal meth empire It didn’t work out for Ronnie Music Jr., 45, who won $3 million in a scratch-off lottery game last year and decided to invest that money in a crystal meth trafficking ring, according to the Atlanta Journal Constitution. According to federal prosecutors, Music pleaded guilty last week on federal drug trafficking and firearms charges. His co-conspirators were caught trying to sell 11 pounds of crystal meth worth about $500,000 in September 2015. Music was then identified as the supplier, prosecutors said. He allegedly used money from his lottery win to buy the meth so he could resell it. During the investigation, agents seized more than $1 million in meth along with guns, ammunition, vehicles and $600,000 in cash. “Music decided to test his luck by sinking millions of dollars of lottery winnings into the purchase and sale of crystal meth,” said U.S. Attorney Ed Tarver. Tarver said the “unsound investment strategy” could result in a life sentence. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Kay RE: Mysterious dial-up Dear Webby, My internet dial up screen keeps poping up...not so much when I'm on the internet, but when I'm working off there any thing I can do to correct this? Thanks again for all the laughs and good information that you send every day. Kay Dear Kay Usually that is a sign of some spy-ware trying to report on you, or of some mal-ware trying to dial you up via a Caribbean connection. I would most urgently advise to run MalwareBytes, McAfee, and Spybot-Search&Destroy, in that order, immediately! In very rare occasions that mystery dialling can be cause by a wrong setting in your mail program AND your dial-up set- up. If the mystery dialling stops if all Internet related programs like the mail program are shut down, then that would indicate that the mail program is trying to check the mail every so many minutes even when you are off-line. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger co-worker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong. Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I saw two men from the gas company running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Cocoa Brownie Recipe By Robin [5,891 Posts, 29 Comments] Ingredients 3/4 cup flour 1 cup sugar 1/4 tsp. salt 1/4 cup cocoa 1/2 cup soft butter 2 eggs 1 tsp. vanilla 1/2 cup chopped nuts Directions Greased 8x8 inch pan. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Sift dry ingredients together into large mixing bowl. Add butter, eggs, and vanilla. Beat for 2 minutes on medium speed. Clean off beater and remove. Stir in nuts with a wooden spoon until just distributed. Turn into prepared pan and spread out to even thickness. Bake 20-22 minutes or until barely done. Mark, cool in pan on cake rack, then cut and store like brownies. Makes 16 (2 inch) brownies. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Summer Break was over and the teacher was asking the class about their vacations. She turned to little Johnny and asked what he did over the break. "We visited my grandmother in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania," he replied. "That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher said. "Can you tell the class how you spell 'Punxsutawney'?" Little Johnny thought about it and said, "You know, come to think of it, we went to Ohio." ___________________________________________________
When The Roses Bloom Again: Billy Bragg and Wilco
____________________________________________________ A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school clothes. ____________________________________________________ > From Phil I went to a medical clinic for an electrocardiogram. While the technician was lining up her machine, I told her I have dextrocardia. "What's that?" she asked. "It means my heart is on the right side of my chest rather than on the left," I answered. "You should set up your machine to that side or the signals will be too weak and confusing." As she attached the wires, she asked casually, "Tell me, have you had that for long?" ____________________________________________________
PEOPLE ARE AWESOME! Best of the week July, 2016

Today on July 29

1588 The English defeated the Spanish Armada in the Battle
of Gravelines. 

1754 The first international boxing match was held. The 25-
minute match was won when Jack Slack of Britain knocked out
Jean Petit from France. 

1874 Major Walter Copton Winfield of England received U.S.
patent for the lawn-tennis court. 

1914 The first transcontinental telephone service was
inaugurated when two people held a conversation between New
York, NY and San Francisco, CA. 

1940 John Sigmund of St. Louis, MO, completed a 292-mile
swim down the Mississippi River. The swim from St. Louis to
Caruthersville, MO took him 89 hours and 48 minutes. 

1957 The International Atomic Energy Agency was established.

1958 The National Aeronautics and Space Administration
(NASA) was authorized by the U.S. Congress. 

1968 Pope Paul VI reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's
stance against artificial methods of birth control. 

1975 OAS (Organization of American States) members voted to
lift collective sanctions against Cuba. The U.S. government
welcomed the action and announced its intention to open
serious discussions with Cuba on normalization. 

1981 England's Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer were

1985 General Motors announced that Spring Hill, TN, would be
the home of the Saturn automobile assembly plant. 

1993 The Israeli Supreme Court acquitted retired Ohio
autoworker John Demjanjuk of being Nazi death camp guard
"Ivan the Terrible." His death sentence was thrown out and
he was set free. 

1997 Minamata Bay in Japan was declared free of mercury 40
years after contaminated food fish were blamed for deaths
and birth defects. 

1998 The United Auto Workers union ended a 54-day strike
against General Motors. The strike caused $2.8 billion in
lost revenues. 

2005 Astronomers announced that they had discovered a new
planet (Xena) larger than Pluto in orbit around the sun.

2016  smiled.
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