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Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, April 18

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Illinois Man, who fatally assaulted 
baby who urinated on him.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1847 U.S. troops defeated almost 17,000 Mexican soldiers 
 commanded by Santa Anna at Cerro Gordo. (Mexican-American War) 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers. --- Alfred Lord Tennyson (1809 - 1892) ______________________________________________________ >From: sexysassysatin An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: Dr. Geezer's clinic. "Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000." Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic. This is what transpired. Dr. Young: --- "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth can you please help me? Dr. Geezer: --- "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth." Dr. Young: --- Aaagh !! -- "This is gasoline!" Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500." Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money. Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything." Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth." Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, -- that is gasoline!" Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500." Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see !!!! Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so -- " Here's your $1000 back." Dr. Young: "But this is only $500..." Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500." Moral of story -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer " !!!! ______________________________________________________ Two guys sat down for lunch in the office cafeteria. "Hey, whatever happened to Pete in payroll?" one asked. "He got this hare brained notion he was going to build a new kind of car," his coworker replied. "How was he going to do it?" "He took an engine from a Pontiac, tires from a Chevy, seats from a Lincoln, hubcaps from a Caddy and well, you get the idea." "So what did he end up with?" "1 1/2 years in jail and 100 hours of community work." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Martin Alvarado 23 Chicago Illinois Illinois Man Fatally Assaulted Baby Who Urinated On Him An Illinois man has been charged with first-degree murder in the death of an 18-month-old child who urinated on him. Police in Cicero said Martin Alvarado Jr., 23, assaulted his girlfriend's son multiple times on Thursday after the child urinated on him. Alvarado was changing the child's diaper at the time, ABC Chicago reports. An autopsy conducted on Friday determined that Edwin Eli O'Reilly died of blunt force trauma. The death was ruled a homicide. During questioning, police said Alvarado made incriminating statements and allegedly confessed to the fatal assault on videotape, according to the Chicago Tribune. This may not be the first time Alvarado has been reported for alleged child abuse. A spokeswoman for the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services said that the agency has had previous contact with the family, Newser reports. A sibling of the victim was removed from the house and taken into protective custody. Alvarado is due in bond court today. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Judy Re: Which Graphics program is best overall? Dear Webby, You have mentioned various graphics programs that are good, but which one is the best? Judy Dear Judy The answer is "Yes!" Your question is like "Which tool is the best?" What might be the best tool for digging ditches is probably not the best tool for welding. Get one graphics program and get good at using it. For example, I know that PSP is probably not the ideal program for 60 foot billboards, but I don't make billboards graphics. I work with mug shots and with 1024 pixel wide pictures of the day, and logos and business cards. For that PSP works very well, and I am used to it since about 1990. I know the hot keys and the shortcuts. THAT is the important part. Whatever program you use, get good and fast at it. That is much more important than the brand name of the program. As long as you are not required by a chool or employer to use any certain program, just get whatever is comfortable for you, Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ On my first day of school my parents told me to go to the nursery. There I was...surrounded by trees and bushes, having a great time. It's too bad they got more specific about which nursery when there was no semester report card. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Hiding House Key for Emergency Personnel We all have our favorite key hiding places for our own use. However, to tell the location of a well-hidden key for a 911 call may not be easy, especially by the person who may be in need of emergency personnel. I'm not about to suggest where you could hide your key, but suggest that emergency ituations need to be considered. By Linda [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ According to George, home is where you can say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to you anyway. _____________________________________________________ Millie: What do you do at your Bible Studies meeting ? Susan: We try to figure out how much can we can get away with and still go to heaven. ____________________________________________________
Honza Bláha is an awesome horse trainer who teaches his horses without reins.

Today in 
1521 Martin Luther confronted the emperor Charles V in the 
 Diet of Worms and refused to retract his views that led to 
 his excommunication. 
1676 Sudbury, Massachusetts, was attacked by Indians. 
1818 A regiment of Indians and blacks were defeated at the 
 Battle of Suwann, in Florida, ending the first Seminole War. 
1846 The telegraph ticker was patented by R.E. House 
1847 U.S. troops defeated almost 17,000 Mexican soldiers 
 commanded by Santa Anna at Cerro Gordo. (Mexican-American War) 
1853 The first train in Asia began running from Bombay to Tanna. 
1877 Charles Cros wrote a paper that described the process of 
 recording and reproducing sound. In France, Cros is regarded 
 as the inventor of the phonograph. In the U.S., Thomas Edison 
 gets the credit. 
1895 New York State passed an act that established free 
 public baths. 
1906 San Francisco, CA, was hit with an earthquake. The 
 original death toll was cited at about 700. Later information 
 indicated that the death toll may have been 3 to 4 times 
 the original estimate. 
1910 Walter R. Brookins made the first airplane flight at night. 
1934 The first Laundromat opened in Fort Worth, TX. 
1937 Leon Trotsky called for the overthrow of Soviet leader 
 Josef Stalin. 
1942 James H. Doolittle and his squadron, from the USS Hornet, 
 raided Tokyo and other Japanese cities. 
1942 The Vichy government capitulated to Adolf Hitler and 
 invited Pierre Laval to form a new government in France. 
1943 Traveling in a bomber, Japanese Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto, 
 was shot down by American P-38 fighters. 
1949 The Republic of Ireland was established. 
1950 The first transatlantic jet passenger trip was completed. 
1954 Colonel Gamal Abdel Nasser seized power in Egypt. 
1956 Actress Grace Kelly and Prince Rainier of Monaco were married. 
 The religious ceremony took place April 19. 
1960 The Mutual Broadcasting System was sold to the 3M Company of 
 Minnesota for $1.25 million. 
1978 The U.S. Senate approved the transfer of the Panama Canal to 
 Panama on December 31, 1999. 
1983 The U.S. Embassy in Beirut was blown up by a suicide car-bomber. 
 63 people were killed including 17 Americans. 
1984 Daredevils Mike MacCarthy and Amanda Tucker made a sky dive 
 from the Eiffel Tower. The jump ended safely. 
1985 Ted Turner filed for a hostile takeover of CBS. 
1989 Thousands of Chinese students demanding democracy tried to 
 storm Communist Party headquarters in Beijing. 
1999 Wayne Gretzky (New York Rangers) played his final game 
 in the NHL. He retired as the NHL's all-time leading scorer 
 and holder of 61 individual records. 
2002 Actor Robert Blake and his bodyguard were arrested in 
 connection with the shooting death of Blake's wife about 
 a year before. 
2002 The Amtrack Auto Train derailed in a remote area of 
 north Florida. Four people were killed and 133 were injured. 
2002 The city legislature of Berlin decided to make Marlene 
 Dietrich an honorary citizen. Dietrich had gone to the United 
 States in 1930. She refused to return to Germany after 
 Adolf Hitler came to power. 
2015  smiled.
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