Dear Webby's Humor Letter
widely read, forwarded, copied and imitated daily since 1994
Dear Webby's Humor Letter, daily since 1994

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Good Morning, ! >Today is Saturdayday, February 4 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

  
Ophelia
Dingbatter 1411If  you  like  my work,
Please  donate a dollar,
or two, if you can afford it!
Please, help me stay online!

   
___________________________________________________ History: on this  day,  February 3, in 1783, Spain recognized the independence of the United States. ____________________________________________________    Bonehead Awards: Chickenshit "male" arrested for sexually assaulting woman who was jogging, Peoria Police say __________________________________________________ Q Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) We learn something every day, and lots of times it's that what we learned the day before was wrong. --- Bill Vaughan ________________________________________________ Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked. "Yeah, my mom and dad have one," the other replied. "What's it for?" asked the first boy. "I don't know," the second boy answered. "But if grown-ups stand on it, don't go near them for ten minutes. That thing makes them mad." __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________   Reported by Rock An  International Bonehead Award has been earned by Steven Ryan Michael, 27 Peoria, Arizona, USA Chickenshit "male" arrested for sexually assaulting woman who was jogging, Peoria Police say A Phoenix man was arrested after police say he sexually assaulted a woman who was jogging on a Peoria trail. On Jan. 28, 27-year-old Steven Ryan Michael reportedly came up behind a woman jogging on Skunk Creek Trail near 75th Avenue and Bell Road and threw her to the ground. He "got on top of her and sexually abused her. The victim aggressively fought Steven, and was able to get away to call 911," police said. Court documents say while Michael was on top of the woman, she punched him, but then he grabbed her chest. As she screamed for help and told him to stop, she continued to fight back and kick him in the groin – which is when he got off of her, and she ran away. The woman didn't have her phone on her, so she ran home to tell her husband, and he called 911. Michael was found near where the alleged incident happened and was arrested after he reportedly ran from officers at first. Police say once they took him into custody, his story didn't add up. First, he told officers he took a bus from Phoenix to the area to go hiking but wasn't wearing hiking clothes and wasn't near a hiking trail. Then he told officers he was waiting for Arrowhead Towne Center to open. He was booked into jail on suspicion of several felony counts, including, sexual abuse, attempted sexual assault, aggravated assault and kidnapping. __________________________________________________________ © Jeanne Schmidt __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ____________________________________________________ The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace. "How many of you," he asked, "would say you're opposed to war?" Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked, "who'll give us the reason for being opposed to war?" A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised his hand. "Johnny?" The teacher said. "I hate war," Johnny said, "because wars make history, and then some poor, innocent kid has to memorize all about it." ------------- That was me. And a second after the exam, I dumped it all. ____________________________________________________ © ___________________________________________________   "The thrill is gone from my marriage," Alan told his friend Don. "Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?" Don suggested. "But what if my wife finds out?" "Heck, these are the '2K's, Alan. Go ahead and tell her about it!" So Alan went home and said, "Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together." "Forget it," said his wife. "I've tried that six times already. It never worked." __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! _____________________________________________________ Good Morning, Helmut-End-Of-List! Today is Friday, June 25 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Stolen ambulance crashes in Visalia ___________________________________________________ Today, June 25 in 1941 Finland declared war on the Soviet Union, and then asked Germany to help them. They chnaged sides and kicked the Germans out in late spring 1945, when it had become obvious, that the allies would win. ____________________________________________________ A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) ____________________________________________________ Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked. "Yeah, my mom and dad have one," the other replied. "What's it for?" asked the first boy. "I don't know," the second boy answered. "But if grown-ups stand on it, don't go near them for ten minutes. That thing makes them mad." ____________________________________________________ © Jeanne Schmidt ____________________________________________________ The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace. "How many of you," he asked, "would say you're opposed to war?" Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked, "who'll give us the reason for being opposed to war?" A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised his hand. "Johnny?" The teacher said. "I hate war," Johnny said, "because wars make history, and then some poor, innocent kid has to memorize all about it." ------------- That was me. And a second after the exam, I dumped it all. ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Mariah Chaffin, 38, Visalia, California, USA Stolen ambulance crashes in Visalia The Visalia Police Department responded to a call around 3:38 p.m. on Monday near the 700 block of E. Noble to assist medical professionals. According to police, Mariah Chaffin, 38, drove off in an ambulance that was left running. Police say they were able to catch up with Chaffin, who was driving the stolen ambulance with both emergency lights and sirens on. They caught up with her in downtown Visalia near Acequia and Locust, where she later crashed into another ambulance that was carrying a patient. She also crashed into a police car. Chaffin was taken into custody and later to the hospital. A Visalia Police Officer was also taken to the hospital for injuries received during the collision with the stolen ambulance. Police say Chaffin will be booked for assault with a deadly weapon, resisting arrest, and possession of a stolen vehicle once released from the hospital. ---------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------- Dearwebby's Tech Support Pits from: Bill (The other one) RE: W-11 Dear Webby What's this about W-11 coming out from Microsoft? Did we stop bitching about the klutzy W-10 ? Bill (The other one) Dear Bill (The other one) Keep in mind that Microsoft owns significant portions of DELL and all the Chinese computer manufacturers. W-11 will initially be cuckood into new machines only, and eventually, once there is a wide enough user base to provide good enough support, by download on demand. W-11 includes a host of cosmetic upgrades, such as a new Start button, a revamped task bar and sounds, woohoo! Apparently some guy in California had complained about the racist look of the START button. W-11 will make it easier for 3rd party programmers to write apps, which will make great profits for Malware fighters. Some of the annoyances in W-10 will apparently be fixed, and just to keep you bitching, everything will be either shuffled around or hidden. It is not known yet, if W-11 requires new hardware, since apparently you can downgrade W-10 to W-11 with a download. Whether that slows W10 down some more is not known yet. Have FUN! DearWebby ---------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------- "The thrill is gone from my marriage," Alan told his friend Don. "Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?" Don suggested. "But what if my wife finds out?" "Heck, these are the '2K's, Alan. Go ahead and tell her about it!" So Alan went home and said, "Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together." "Forget it," said his wife. "I've tried that six times already it never worked." --------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------- If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ - If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. - A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities. - Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners. - In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah. - A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits from: Bill (The other one) RE: W-11 Dear Webby What's this about W-11 coming out from Microsoft? Did we stop bitching about the klutzy W-10 ? Bill (The other one) Dear Bill (The other one) Keep in mind that Microsoft owns significant portions of DELL and all the Chinese computer manufacturers. W-11 will initially be cuckood into new machines only, and eventually, once there is a wide enough user base to provide good enough support, by download on demand. W-11 includes a host of cosmetic upgrades, such as a new Start button, a revamped task bar and sounds, woohoo! Apparently some guy in California had complained about the racist look of the START button. W-11 will make it easier for 3rd party programmers to write apps, which will make great profits for Malware fighters. Some of the annoyances in W-10 will apparently be fixed, and just to keep you bitching, everything will be either shuffled around or hidden. It is not known yet, if W-11 requires new hardware, since apparently you can downgrade W-10 to W-11 with a download. Whether that slows W10 down some more is not known yet. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ - If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. - A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities. - Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners. - In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah. - A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population. ____________________________________________________ Today, February 3 in 1488, The Portuguese navigator Bartholomeu Diaz landed at Mossal Bay in the Cape, the first European known to have landed on the southern extremity of Africa. 1690, The first paper money in America was issued by the Massachusetts colony. The currency was used to pay soldiers that were fighting in the war against Quebec. 1783, Spain recognized the independence of the United States. 1809, The territory of Illinois was created. 1815, The world's first commercial cheese factory was established in Switzerland. 1862, Thomas Edison printed the "Weekly Herald" and distributed it to train passengers traveling between Port Huron and Detroit, MI. It was the first time a newspaper had been printed on a train. 1869, Edwin Booth opened his new theatre in New York City. The first production was "Romeo and Juliet". 1874, A patent was issued to Samuel W. Francis for the spork. 1900, In Frankfort, KY, gubernatorial candidate William Goebels died from an assasin's bullet wounds. On August 18, 1900, Ex-Sec. of State Caleb Powers was found guilt of conspiracy to murder Gov. Goebels. 1913, The 16th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. It authorized the power to impose and collect income tax. 1916, In Ottawa, Canada's original parliament buildings burned down. 1917, The U.S. broke off diplomatic relations with Germany, which had announced a policy of unrestricted submarine warfare. 1918, The Twin Peaks Tunnel began service. It is the longest streetcar tunnel in the world at 11,920 feet. 1927, The Federal Radio Commission was created when U.S. President Calvin Coolidge signed a bill. 1941, In Vichy, France, the Nazis used force to restore Pierre Laval to office. 1945, Russia agreed to enter World War II against Japan. 1946, The first issue of "Holiday" magazine appeared. 1947, Percival Prattisbecame the first black news correspondent admitted to the House and Senate press gallery in Washington, DC. He worked for "Our World" in New York City. 1951, Dick Button won the U.S. figure skating title for the sixth time. 1951, The Tennessee Williams play, "The Rose Tattoo", opened on Broadway in New York. 1966, The first rocket-assisted controlled landing on the Moon was made by the Soviet space vehicle Luna IX. 1969, At the Palestinian National Congress in Cairo, Yasser Arafat was appointed leader of the PLO. 1972, The first Winter Olympics in Asia were held at Sapporo, Japan. 1984, Challenger 4 was launched as the tenth space shuttle mission. 1989, South African politician P.W. Botha unwillingly resigned both party leadership and the presidency after suffering a stroke. 1998, Texas executed Karla Faye Tucker. She was the first woman executed in the U.S. since 1984. 1998, In Italy, a U.S. Military plane hit a cable causing the death of 20 skiers on a lift. 2009, Eric Holder was sworn in as attorney general. He was the first African-American to hold the post. 2010, The Alberto Giacometti sculpture L'Homme qui marche sold for $103.7 million. 2015, The British House of Commons voted to approve letting scientist create babies from the DNA of three people. 2022 smiled.

 

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Good Morning, ! >Today is Saturdayday, February 4 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

  
Ophelia
Dingbatter 1411If  you  like  my work,
Please  donate a dollar,
or two, if you can afford it!
Please, help me stay online!

   
___________________________________________________ History: on this  day,  February 3, in 1783, Spain recognized the independence of the United States. ____________________________________________________    Bonehead Awards: Chickenshit "male" arrested for sexually assaulting woman who was jogging, Peoria Police say __________________________________________________ Q Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) We learn something every day, and lots of times it's that what we learned the day before was wrong. --- Bill Vaughan ________________________________________________ Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked. "Yeah, my mom and dad have one," the other replied. "What's it for?" asked the first boy. "I don't know," the second boy answered. "But if grown-ups stand on it, don't go near them for ten minutes. That thing makes them mad." __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________   Reported by Rock An  International Bonehead Award has been earned by Steven Ryan Michael, 27 Peoria, Arizona, USA Chickenshit "male" arrested for sexually assaulting woman who was jogging, Peoria Police say A Phoenix man was arrested after police say he sexually assaulted a woman who was jogging on a Peoria trail. On Jan. 28, 27-year-old Steven Ryan Michael reportedly came up behind a woman jogging on Skunk Creek Trail near 75th Avenue and Bell Road and threw her to the ground. He "got on top of her and sexually abused her. The victim aggressively fought Steven, and was able to get away to call 911," police said. Court documents say while Michael was on top of the woman, she punched him, but then he grabbed her chest. As she screamed for help and told him to stop, she continued to fight back and kick him in the groin – which is when he got off of her, and she ran away. The woman didn't have her phone on her, so she ran home to tell her husband, and he called 911. Michael was found near where the alleged incident happened and was arrested after he reportedly ran from officers at first. Police say once they took him into custody, his story didn't add up. First, he told officers he took a bus from Phoenix to the area to go hiking but wasn't wearing hiking clothes and wasn't near a hiking trail. Then he told officers he was waiting for Arrowhead Towne Center to open. He was booked into jail on suspicion of several felony counts, including, sexual abuse, attempted sexual assault, aggravated assault and kidnapping. __________________________________________________________ © Jeanne Schmidt __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ____________________________________________________ The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace. "How many of you," he asked, "would say you're opposed to war?" Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked, "who'll give us the reason for being opposed to war?" A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised his hand. "Johnny?" The teacher said. "I hate war," Johnny said, "because wars make history, and then some poor, innocent kid has to memorize all about it." ------------- That was me. And a second after the exam, I dumped it all. ____________________________________________________ © ___________________________________________________   "The thrill is gone from my marriage," Alan told his friend Don. "Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?" Don suggested. "But what if my wife finds out?" "Heck, these are the '2K's, Alan. Go ahead and tell her about it!" So Alan went home and said, "Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together." "Forget it," said his wife. "I've tried that six times already. It never worked." __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! _____________________________________________________ Good Morning, Helmut-End-Of-List! Today is Friday, June 25 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Stolen ambulance crashes in Visalia ___________________________________________________ Today, June 25 in 1941 Finland declared war on the Soviet Union, and then asked Germany to help them. They chnaged sides and kicked the Germans out in late spring 1945, when it had become obvious, that the allies would win. ____________________________________________________ A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) ____________________________________________________ Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked. "Yeah, my mom and dad have one," the other replied. "What's it for?" asked the first boy. "I don't know," the second boy answered. "But if grown-ups stand on it, don't go near them for ten minutes. That thing makes them mad." ____________________________________________________ © Jeanne Schmidt ____________________________________________________ The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace. "How many of you," he asked, "would say you're opposed to war?" Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked, "who'll give us the reason for being opposed to war?" A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised his hand. "Johnny?" The teacher said. "I hate war," Johnny said, "because wars make history, and then some poor, innocent kid has to memorize all about it." ------------- That was me. And a second after the exam, I dumped it all. ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Mariah Chaffin, 38, Visalia, California, USA Stolen ambulance crashes in Visalia The Visalia Police Department responded to a call around 3:38 p.m. on Monday near the 700 block of E. Noble to assist medical professionals. According to police, Mariah Chaffin, 38, drove off in an ambulance that was left running. Police say they were able to catch up with Chaffin, who was driving the stolen ambulance with both emergency lights and sirens on. They caught up with her in downtown Visalia near Acequia and Locust, where she later crashed into another ambulance that was carrying a patient. She also crashed into a police car. Chaffin was taken into custody and later to the hospital. A Visalia Police Officer was also taken to the hospital for injuries received during the collision with the stolen ambulance. Police say Chaffin will be booked for assault with a deadly weapon, resisting arrest, and possession of a stolen vehicle once released from the hospital. ---------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------- Dearwebby's Tech Support Pits from: Bill (The other one) RE: W-11 Dear Webby What's this about W-11 coming out from Microsoft? Did we stop bitching about the klutzy W-10 ? Bill (The other one) Dear Bill (The other one) Keep in mind that Microsoft owns significant portions of DELL and all the Chinese computer manufacturers. W-11 will initially be cuckood into new machines only, and eventually, once there is a wide enough user base to provide good enough support, by download on demand. W-11 includes a host of cosmetic upgrades, such as a new Start button, a revamped task bar and sounds, woohoo! Apparently some guy in California had complained about the racist look of the START button. W-11 will make it easier for 3rd party programmers to write apps, which will make great profits for Malware fighters. Some of the annoyances in W-10 will apparently be fixed, and just to keep you bitching, everything will be either shuffled around or hidden. It is not known yet, if W-11 requires new hardware, since apparently you can downgrade W-10 to W-11 with a download. Whether that slows W10 down some more is not known yet. Have FUN! DearWebby ---------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------- "The thrill is gone from my marriage," Alan told his friend Don. "Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?" Don suggested. "But what if my wife finds out?" "Heck, these are the '2K's, Alan. Go ahead and tell her about it!" So Alan went home and said, "Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together." "Forget it," said his wife. "I've tried that six times already it never worked." --------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------- If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ - If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. - A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities. - Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners. - In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah. - A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits from: Bill (The other one) RE: W-11 Dear Webby What's this about W-11 coming out from Microsoft? Did we stop bitching about the klutzy W-10 ? Bill (The other one) Dear Bill (The other one) Keep in mind that Microsoft owns significant portions of DELL and all the Chinese computer manufacturers. W-11 will initially be cuckood into new machines only, and eventually, once there is a wide enough user base to provide good enough support, by download on demand. W-11 includes a host of cosmetic upgrades, such as a new Start button, a revamped task bar and sounds, woohoo! Apparently some guy in California had complained about the racist look of the START button. W-11 will make it easier for 3rd party programmers to write apps, which will make great profits for Malware fighters. Some of the annoyances in W-10 will apparently be fixed, and just to keep you bitching, everything will be either shuffled around or hidden. It is not known yet, if W-11 requires new hardware, since apparently you can downgrade W-10 to W-11 with a download. Whether that slows W10 down some more is not known yet. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ - If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. - A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities. - Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners. - In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah. - A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population. ____________________________________________________ Today, February 3 in 1488, The Portuguese navigator Bartholomeu Diaz landed at Mossal Bay in the Cape, the first European known to have landed on the southern extremity of Africa. 1690, The first paper money in America was issued by the Massachusetts colony. The currency was used to pay soldiers that were fighting in the war against Quebec. 1783, Spain recognized the independence of the United States. 1809, The territory of Illinois was created. 1815, The world's first commercial cheese factory was established in Switzerland. 1862, Thomas Edison printed the "Weekly Herald" and distributed it to train passengers traveling between Port Huron and Detroit, MI. It was the first time a newspaper had been printed on a train. 1869, Edwin Booth opened his new theatre in New York City. The first production was "Romeo and Juliet". 1874, A patent was issued to Samuel W. Francis for the spork. 1900, In Frankfort, KY, gubernatorial candidate William Goebels died from an assasin's bullet wounds. On August 18, 1900, Ex-Sec. of State Caleb Powers was found guilt of conspiracy to murder Gov. Goebels. 1913, The 16th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. It authorized the power to impose and collect income tax. 1916, In Ottawa, Canada's original parliament buildings burned down. 1917, The U.S. broke off diplomatic relations with Germany, which had announced a policy of unrestricted submarine warfare. 1918, The Twin Peaks Tunnel began service. It is the longest streetcar tunnel in the world at 11,920 feet. 1927, The Federal Radio Commission was created when U.S. President Calvin Coolidge signed a bill. 1941, In Vichy, France, the Nazis used force to restore Pierre Laval to office. 1945, Russia agreed to enter World War II against Japan. 1946, The first issue of "Holiday" magazine appeared. 1947, Percival Prattisbecame the first black news correspondent admitted to the House and Senate press gallery in Washington, DC. He worked for "Our World" in New York City. 1951, Dick Button won the U.S. figure skating title for the sixth time. 1951, The Tennessee Williams play, "The Rose Tattoo", opened on Broadway in New York. 1966, The first rocket-assisted controlled landing on the Moon was made by the Soviet space vehicle Luna IX. 1969, At the Palestinian National Congress in Cairo, Yasser Arafat was appointed leader of the PLO. 1972, The first Winter Olympics in Asia were held at Sapporo, Japan. 1984, Challenger 4 was launched as the tenth space shuttle mission. 1989, South African politician P.W. Botha unwillingly resigned both party leadership and the presidency after suffering a stroke. 1998, Texas executed Karla Faye Tucker. She was the first woman executed in the U.S. since 1984. 1998, In Italy, a U.S. Military plane hit a cable causing the death of 20 skiers on a lift. 2009, Eric Holder was sworn in as attorney general. He was the first African-American to hold the post. 2010, The Alberto Giacometti sculpture L'Homme qui marche sold for $103.7 million. 2015, The British House of Commons voted to approve letting scientist create babies from the DNA of three people. 2022 smiled.


Go to TOP
Subscribe    |   Give a Gift Subscription    |   Unsubscribe   
Click here for Large Print (it's back)
Return to Webby homepage   Hosting | Software | Contacts  You have a friend @Webby!
High traffic web space on reliable SUN UNIX servers with the fastest connectivity.


High traffic web space on reliable SUN UNIX servers with the fastest connectivity.