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Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, May 25

Thank you, Richard!

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida ex-con who assaulted her 70 year old father with 
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1994 U.S. President Clinton renewed trade privileges for 
 China, and announced that his administration would no longer 
 link China's trade status with its human rights record. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You cannot slander human nature; it is worse than words can paint it. --- Charles Haddon Spurgeon (1834 - 1892) ______________________________________________________ Most women have these two complaints: nothing to wear and not enough closet space! ______________________________________________________ An off-duty bylaw officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate. The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result. "This guy must have messed up the settings way too much," the off-duty officer thought. A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt! ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Shiprock, New Mexico, located on the Navajo Reservation.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Elaine Robinson, 47, Pinellas County, Florida
Florida ex-con assaulted her 70 year old father with Lysterine A career criminal is locked up on a domestic battery rap for allegedly dousing her 70-year-old father with a bottle of Cool Mint Listerine during an argument at the Florida home they share. According to police, Elaine Robinson, 47, became “agitated” as she quarrelled Wednesday afternoon with her father Marvin. At one point, Robinson retrieved a “1 Liter bottle of Listerine Cool Mint and splashed” the mouthwash all over her father’s face. The incident, cops noted, was observed by an independent witness. The elder Robinson was not injured in the mouthwash attack. Robinson was arrested for misdemeanor domestic battery and booked into the Pinellas County jail, where she is locked up in lieu of $5000 bond. While a police report notes that Robinson, pictured above, does not have any prior battery convictions, her lengthy rap sheep includes a voluntary manslaughter conviction for which she served seven years in prison. Robinson, who has been in and out of state prison over the past 25 years, has also been convicted of grand theft, cocaine sales, possession of stolen property, and disorderly intoxication.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Roland Re: Defrag Dear Webby, May sound like an Idiot but can not find how to defrag my Computer Roland and Ruth Ann Dear Roland Windows does have a defragger built in, but I have not gotten any improvement with that one. The same company, that makes the Crap Cleaner, that you probably have, also makes Defraggler. Just use the QuickDefrag in it. It works well enough and won't take forever to finish. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Make love, not war. Or, if you want to do both, get married! ______________________________________________________ Linda and Marion were comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business. "I started a new practice last year," Linda said. "I insist that each of my employees take at least a week off every three months." "Why in the world would you do that?" Marion asked. "It's the best way I know of to learn which ones I can do without," Linda said. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Rid Your Bag of Popcorn Seeds After you're done popping your popcorn in the microwave, and before you open the bag, put it over the garbage can and shake the bag really hard. Make sure the opening of the bag is down. All your unpopped seeds will go into the garbage, no more seeds. By coville123 [326] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Morris bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday.. A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles." "She did," he replied. "But where was I gonna find a fake Jeep?" _____________________________________________________ Johnny came home from school and told his dad: "Hey, Dad, I lerned that we decended from apes! Neat, huh ?" That didn't go over well at all, so Johnny was told in no uncertaint terms: "YOU might have apes for ancestors, but I sure don't!" ____________________________________________________
There is so much about history we have forgotten.

Today in 
0017 Germanicus of Rome celebrated his victory over the Germans. 
1328 William of Ockham was forced to flee from Avignon by 
 Pope John XXII. 
1521 Martin Luther was banned by the Edict of Worms because 
 of his religious beliefs and writings. 
1647 A new law banned Catholic priests from the colony of 
 Massachusetts. The penalty was banishment or death for 
 a second offense. 
1736 The British and Chickasaw Indians defeated the French 
 at the Battle of Ackia. 
1791 The French Assembly forced King Louis XVI to hand over 
 the crown and state assets. 
1805 Napoleon Bonaparte was crowned King of Italy in 
 Milan Cathedral. 
1831 Russians defeated the Poles at battle of Ostrolenska. 
1835 A resolution was passed in the U.S. Congress stating that 
 Congress has no authority over state slavery laws. 
1896 The last czar of Russia, Nicholas II, was crowned. 
1908 In Persia, the first oil strike was made in the Middle East. 
1913 Actors’ Equity Association was organized in New York City. 
1926 In Morocco, rebel leader Abd el Krim surrendered. 
1940 The evacuation of Allied troops from Dunkirk, France, 
 began during World War II. 
1946 A patent was filed in the United States for an H-bomb. 
1946 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill signed a military 
 pact with Russian leader Joseph Stalin. Stalin promised a 
 "close collaboration after the war." 
1956 The first trailer bank opened for business in Locust Grove, 
 Long Island, NY. The 46-foot-long trailer took in $100,000 in 
 deposits its first day. 
1959 The word "Frisbee" became a registered trademark of Wham-O. 
1961 A U.S. Air Force bomber flew across the Atlantic in a 
 record time of just over three hours. 
1969 The Apollo 10 astronauts returned to Earth after a 
 successful eight-day dress rehearsal for the first manned 
 moon landing. 
1975 American stuntman Evel Knievel suffered severe spinal 
 injuries in Britain when he crashed while attempting to 
 jump 13 buses in his car. 
1977 George H. Willig was arrested after he scaled the 
 South Tower of New York's World Trade Center. It took him 
 3 1/2 hours. 
1978 The first legal casino in the Eastern U.S. opened 
 in Atlantic City, NJ. 
1987 Sri Lanka launched Operation Liberation. It was an 
 offensive against the Tamil rebellion in Jaffra. 
1988 The Edmonton Oilers won their fourth NHL Stanley Cup 
 in five seasons. They swept the series 4 games to 0 against 
 the Boston Bruins. 
1991 A Lauda Air Boeing 767 crashed in Thailand, killing 
 all 223 people aboard. 
1994 U.S. President Clinton renewed trade privileges for 
 China, and announced that his administration would no longer 
 link China's trade status with its human rights record. 
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that Ellis Island was mainly 
 in New Jersey, not New York. 
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police officers in 
 high-speed chases are liable for bystander injuries only 
 if their "actions shock the conscience." 
1998 The Grand Princess cruise ship made its inaugural cruise. 
 The ship measured 109,000 tons and cost approximately $450 
 million, making it the largest and most expensive cruise ship 
 ever built to that date. 
2015  smiled.
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