Dear Webby's Humor Letter
widely read, forwarded, copied and imitated daily since 1994
Dear Webby's Humor Letter, daily since 1994

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Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, September 26
___________________________________________________
History on this day, september 26, in
1980, The Cuban government abruptly closed Mariel Harbor to
end the freedom flotilla of Cuban refugees that began the
previous April.
____________________________________________________
international bonehead award

PENNSYLVANIA MAN ACCUSED OF BUYING,
SELLING HUMAN SKIN AND ORGANS

____________________________________________________
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the
hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out
of jury duty.
--- Norm Crosby

Humankind cannot stand very much reality.
--- T. S. Eliot (1888 - 1965)

Facebook even less. I got blocked again.

FaceCrack "Fact Checker" snivels and whines to tell
you when something is a true fact.
Commies can't handle facts.

Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are
decent,
hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two
percent
that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them.
--- Lily Tomlin (1939 - )
___________________________________________________

>From Dorothy
At breakfast one day, I eagerly waited for my husband to
com-
ment on my first attempt at homemade cinnamon rolls.

After several minutes with no reaction, I asked, "If I baked
these commercially, how much do you think I could get for
one of them?"

Without looking up from his paper my husband replied, "About
10 years."

--------
The BEST Cinnamon Buns I ever had were at the "Cinnamon Bun
Strip" (Braeburn Lodge), even better than the ones at
Johnson's Crossing.

There was even a country song called "Cinnamon Bun Strip",
about the rural air strip across the "Mayo Road", now paved
and called the "Dawson Highway". One time in the late 70s my
dad visited from Austria. He didn't believe me when I told
him about Cinnamon Bun Strip and people flying to there,
even when I played him that song on the radio.

So I drove him there. We sat in the restaurant. The air
strip is across the highway and of course we watched it.
Dad still didn't believe me.
Within a minute a small plane landed and a pilot and 3
passengers got out, tied down to some gravel filled 45
gallon drums, and ambled across the highway and came inside
the restaurant.

The proprietor greeted them and asked "Cinnamon Buns, as
usual?" They just laughed and he put 4 large plates on a
tablet and slapped 8" diameter 1 1/2" high cinnamon buns
onto the plates.

In the meantime the waitress had brought our coffee and
cinnamon buns and a big smile, all without asking. She knew
me.

Dad became a believer and he told the story about Cinnamon
Bun Strip and the song about it on the radio to anybody who
would listen, and some who didn't.

The Cinnamon Bun Strip still exists!
____________________________________________________

A German, a Frenchman, and a Jew were out working in the
desert. Finally they got back into town and went into the
tavern.

Says the German:  "I'm tired and thirsty, I must have a
glass of beer."

Says the Frenchman:  "I'm tired and thristy, I must have a
glass of wine."

Says the Jew:  "I'm tired and thirsty, I must have
diabetes."
__________________________________________________

reported by Rock
an international bonehead award
has been earned by

Jeremy Lee Pauley,
40,
Enola,
Pennsylvania,
USA

PENNSYLVANIA MAN ACCUSED OF BUYING,
SELLING HUMAN SKIN AND ORGANS

 Pennsylvania, was arrested on Aug. 18, 2022, for dealing in
the proceeds of unlawful activities, abuse of a corpse, and
two counts of receiving stolen property — crimes police say
are tied to their discovery of three buckets of flesh and
bones in his basement.
Receiving stolen property is a third-degree felony, and each
count carries a sentence of up to seven years behind bars
and a $15,000 fine.

The case seems to have begun on June 14, when Pauley’s wife,
Sarah, tipped off officers about a sale on Facebook
Marketplace involving “possible” human remains, according to
a criminal complaint filed by Shope.

On July 8, Pauley’s wife reported finding three buckets of
remains in the basement. That triggered a raid by East
Pennsboro Police detectives and personnel from Cumberland
Country Forensics and the coroner’s office. They counted a
heart, a kidney, a spleen, some fat, a skull with hair, a
trachea, and a child’s mandible with teeth, plus two livers,
two brains, two lungs, and six pieces of skin stuck to fat.

It was unlawful to own those remains, Shope wrote in the
criminal complaint, but Pauley also possessed a collection
of oddities that included “at least three full human
skeletons, over seven glass jars containing infant human
remains, over five human skulls, and over 50 rib bones” that
apparently arrived legally from museums and medical centers.

Facebook messages, however, allegedly revealed Pauley was
trying to buy more remains from an Arkansas woman, Candace
Scott, including half of a head, a whole head minus the
skull cap, brains with a skull cap, a heart, a liver, a
lung, kidneys, some hands, a female pelvis, and a piece of
skin with nipple.

Authorities said personnel from the FBI, US Postal Service
agents, and Pennsylvania State Police intercepted the
parcels and discovered the remains belonged to the
University of Arkansas.

They had allegedly been diverted from a mortuary to Pauley,
who was “selling those body parts to people for monetary
gain,” according to the complaint.

“This is one of the most bizarre investigations I have
encountered in my 33 years as a prosecutor,” District
Attorney Seán M. McCormack said in a prepared statement.
_____________________________________________________

One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash
his own sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted
to
his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," she replied.  "What does it say on your
shirt?"

He yelled back, "Chicago Bears"

Naturally she replied, "Cold water only gentle cycle."
_____________________________________________________



© Sergey Plash
Ukraine, Sept 2022
_________________________________________________
I have a friend who filled his car with gas at a self-
service gas station.  After he had paid and driven away, he
realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car.  He
stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost.

Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people
must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going
back to look by the side of the road since even if he
couldn't find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one
that fit.  Sure enough, he hadn't been searching long when
he found a gas cap.  He tried it on, and it went into place
with a satisfying click.

"Great," he thought, "I lost my gas cap, but I found another
one that fits.

And this one's even better because it locks."
_____________________________________________________



© Neil Andreson
Sleepy Squirrel
___________________________________________________

A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks
down. He jumps out and starts fiddling under the hood.
About five minutes later, he hears some thumping sounds and
looks around to see someone taking stuff out of his trunk.
He runs around and yells, "Hey, bud, this is my car!"

"Okay," the man says, "Yo take the front and I'll take the
back."
_________________________________________________


Dearwebby's tech support pits
From:Paul
Re: Control cookies

Dear Webby,
could you please tell how to find cookies and how to control
them.
thank you for the nice email about my account.
Paul

Dear Paul
Cookies don't really amount to beans,
and since you are neither a Terrorist nor a politician,
there is no need to get uptight about them.

However, if you do want to nuke your cookies,
try this:

Google Chrome
Click the “Show advanced settings” link at the bottom of the
Settings page. Click the “Content settings” button under
the
Privacy header. Under Cookies, select “Keep local data only
until
I quit my browser” and click “OK”. When you close Chrome, it
will now automatically clear your cookies.

Have FUN!
Dear Webby
___________________________________________________

Several women, each trying to one-up the other, appeared in
court,
each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were
having
in the apartment building where they lived.

The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed, "Okay, I'm
ready to
hear the evidence...I'll hear the oldest first."

The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.

_____________________________________________________

The shoe dealer was interviewing a potential salesman.
"Suppose," he said, "a lady customer were to remark while
you were trying to fit her, 'Don't you think one of my
feet is bigger than the other?' What would you say?"
"I would say, 'On the contrary, Ma'am, one is smaller
than the other.'"
"The job is yours."
_____________________________________________
ophelia dingbatter's
news no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes
and fun  for grownups. Read it on-line
or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-
in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

today, september 26, in
1777, Philadelphia was occupied by British troops during the
American Revolutionary War.

1892, "The King of Marches" was introduced to the general
public.

1908, In "The Saturday Evening Post" an ad for the Edison
Phonograph appeared.

1914, The U.S. Federal Trade Commission was established.

1918, During World War I, the Meuse-Argonne offensive
against the Germans began. It was the final Allied offensive
on the western front.

1950, U.N. troops recaptured the South Korean capital of
Seoul from the North Koreans during the Korean Conflict.

1955, The New York Stock Exchange suffered its worst decline
since 1929 when the word was released concerning U.S.
President Eisenhower's heart attack.

1960, The first televised debate between presidential
candidates Richard M. Nixon and John F. Kennedy took place
in Chicago, IL.

1962, "The Beverly Hillbillies" premiered on CBS-TV.

1964, "Gilligan's Island" premiered on CBS-TV. The show
aired for the last time on September 4, 1967.

1969, "The Brady Bunch" series premiered on ABC-TV.

1980, The Cuban government abruptly closed Mariel Harbor to
end the freedom flotilla of Cuban refugees that began the
previous April.

1981, The Boeing 767 made its maiden flight in Everett, WA.

1984, Britain and China initialed a draft agreement on the
future of Hong Kong when the Chinese take over ruling the
British Colony.

1985, Shamu was born at Sea World in Orlando, FL. Shamu was
the first killer whale to survive being born in captivity.

1986, The episode of "Dallas" that had Bobby Ewing returning
from the dead was aired.

1986, William H. Rehnquist became chief justice of the U.S.
Supreme Court following the retirement of Warren Burger.

1990, The Motion Picture Association of America announced
that it had created a new rating. The new NC17 rating was to
keep moviegoers under the age of 17 from seeing certain
films.

1991, Four men and four women began their two-year stay
inside the "Biosphere II." The project was intended to
develop technology for future space colonies.

1991, The U.S. Congress heard a plea from Kimberly Bergalis
concerning mandatory AIDS testing for health care workers.

1993, The eight people who had stayed in "Biosphere II"
emerged from their sealed off environment. They got fired
for ordering pizza.

1995, The warring factions of Bosnia agreed on guidelines
for elections and a future government.

1996, Shannon Lucid returned to Earth after being in space
for 188 days. she set a time record for a U.S. astronaut in
space and in the world for time spent by a woman in space.

2000, The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Born-
Alive Infants Protection Act. The act states that an infant
would be considered to have been born alive if he or she is
completely extracted or expelled from the mother and
breathes and has a beating heart and definite movement of
the voluntary muscles.

2000, Slobodan Milosevic conceded that Vojislav Kostunica
had won Yugoslavia's presidential election and declared a
runoff. The declared runoff prompted mass protests.

2001, In Kabul, Afghanistan, the abandoned U.S. Embassy was
stormed by protesters. It was the largest anti-Amercian
protest since the terror attacks on New York City and
Washington, DC, on September 11.

2001, Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat and Israeli Foreign
Minister Shimon Peres announced plans to formalize a cease-
fire and end a year of fighting in the region.

2006, Facebook was openened to everyone at least 13 years or
older with a valid email address.

2022 ! smiled.
<(")

 

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Go to TOP Good Morning, ! Today is Monday, September 26 ___________________________________________________ History on this day, september 26, in 1980, The Cuban government abruptly closed Mariel Harbor to end the freedom flotilla of Cuban refugees that began the previous April. ____________________________________________________ international bonehead award PENNSYLVANIA MAN ACCUSED OF BUYING, SELLING HUMAN SKIN AND ORGANS ____________________________________________________ When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. --- Norm Crosby Humankind cannot stand very much reality. --- T. S. Eliot (1888 - 1965) Facebook even less. I got blocked again. FaceCrack "Fact Checker" snivels and whines to tell you when something is a true fact. Commies can't handle facts. Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them. --- Lily Tomlin (1939 - ) ___________________________________________________ >From Dorothy At breakfast one day, I eagerly waited for my husband to com- ment on my first attempt at homemade cinnamon rolls. After several minutes with no reaction, I asked, "If I baked these commercially, how much do you think I could get for one of them?" Without looking up from his paper my husband replied, "About 10 years." -------- The BEST Cinnamon Buns I ever had were at the "Cinnamon Bun Strip" (Braeburn Lodge), even better than the ones at Johnson's Crossing. There was even a country song called "Cinnamon Bun Strip", about the rural air strip across the "Mayo Road", now paved and called the "Dawson Highway". One time in the late 70s my dad visited from Austria. He didn't believe me when I told him about Cinnamon Bun Strip and people flying to there, even when I played him that song on the radio. So I drove him there. We sat in the restaurant. The air strip is across the highway and of course we watched it. Dad still didn't believe me. Within a minute a small plane landed and a pilot and 3 passengers got out, tied down to some gravel filled 45 gallon drums, and ambled across the highway and came inside the restaurant. The proprietor greeted them and asked "Cinnamon Buns, as usual?" They just laughed and he put 4 large plates on a tablet and slapped 8" diameter 1 1/2" high cinnamon buns onto the plates. In the meantime the waitress had brought our coffee and cinnamon buns and a big smile, all without asking. She knew me. Dad became a believer and he told the story about Cinnamon Bun Strip and the song about it on the radio to anybody who would listen, and some who didn't. The Cinnamon Bun Strip still exists! ____________________________________________________ A German, a Frenchman, and a Jew were out working in the desert. Finally they got back into town and went into the tavern. Says the German: "I'm tired and thirsty, I must have a glass of beer." Says the Frenchman: "I'm tired and thristy, I must have a glass of wine." Says the Jew: "I'm tired and thirsty, I must have diabetes." __________________________________________________ reported by Rock an international bonehead award has been earned by Jeremy Lee Pauley, 40, Enola, Pennsylvania, USA PENNSYLVANIA MAN ACCUSED OF BUYING, SELLING HUMAN SKIN AND ORGANS Pennsylvania, was arrested on Aug. 18, 2022, for dealing in the proceeds of unlawful activities, abuse of a corpse, and two counts of receiving stolen property — crimes police say are tied to their discovery of three buckets of flesh and bones in his basement. Receiving stolen property is a third-degree felony, and each count carries a sentence of up to seven years behind bars and a $15,000 fine. The case seems to have begun on June 14, when Pauley’s wife, Sarah, tipped off officers about a sale on Facebook Marketplace involving “possible” human remains, according to a criminal complaint filed by Shope. On July 8, Pauley’s wife reported finding three buckets of remains in the basement. That triggered a raid by East Pennsboro Police detectives and personnel from Cumberland Country Forensics and the coroner’s office. They counted a heart, a kidney, a spleen, some fat, a skull with hair, a trachea, and a child’s mandible with teeth, plus two livers, two brains, two lungs, and six pieces of skin stuck to fat. It was unlawful to own those remains, Shope wrote in the criminal complaint, but Pauley also possessed a collection of oddities that included “at least three full human skeletons, over seven glass jars containing infant human remains, over five human skulls, and over 50 rib bones” that apparently arrived legally from museums and medical centers. Facebook messages, however, allegedly revealed Pauley was trying to buy more remains from an Arkansas woman, Candace Scott, including half of a head, a whole head minus the skull cap, brains with a skull cap, a heart, a liver, a lung, kidneys, some hands, a female pelvis, and a piece of skin with nipple. Authorities said personnel from the FBI, US Postal Service agents, and Pennsylvania State Police intercepted the parcels and discovered the remains belonged to the University of Arkansas. They had allegedly been diverted from a mortuary to Pauley, who was “selling those body parts to people for monetary gain,” according to the complaint. “This is one of the most bizarre investigations I have encountered in my 33 years as a prosecutor,” District Attorney Seán M. McCormack said in a prepared statement. _____________________________________________________ One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his own sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "Chicago Bears" Naturally she replied, "Cold water only gentle cycle." _____________________________________________________ © Sergey Plash Ukraine, Sept 2022 _________________________________________________ I have a friend who filled his car with gas at a self- service gas station. After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost. Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn't find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit. Sure enough, he hadn't been searching long when he found a gas cap. He tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click. "Great," he thought, "I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits. And this one's even better because it locks." _____________________________________________________ © Neil Andreson Sleepy Squirrel ___________________________________________________ A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks down. He jumps out and starts fiddling under the hood. About five minutes later, he hears some thumping sounds and looks around to see someone taking stuff out of his trunk. He runs around and yells, "Hey, bud, this is my car!" "Okay," the man says, "Yo take the front and I'll take the back." _________________________________________________ Dearwebby's tech support pits From:Paul Re: Control cookies Dear Webby, could you please tell how to find cookies and how to control them. thank you for the nice email about my account. Paul Dear Paul Cookies don't really amount to beans, and since you are neither a Terrorist nor a politician, there is no need to get uptight about them. However, if you do want to nuke your cookies, try this: Google Chrome Click the “Show advanced settings” link at the bottom of the Settings page. Click the “Content settings” button under the Privacy header. Under Cookies, select “Keep local data only until I quit my browser” and click “OK”. When you close Chrome, it will now automatically clear your cookies. Have FUN! Dear Webby ___________________________________________________ Several women, each trying to one-up the other, appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived. The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed, "Okay, I'm ready to hear the evidence...I'll hear the oldest first." The case was dismissed for lack of testimony. _____________________________________________________ The shoe dealer was interviewing a potential salesman. "Suppose," he said, "a lady customer were to remark while you were trying to fit her, 'Don't you think one of my feet is bigger than the other?' What would you say?" "I would say, 'On the contrary, Ma'am, one is smaller than the other.'" "The job is yours." _____________________________________________ ophelia dingbatter's news no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ today, september 26, in 1777, Philadelphia was occupied by British troops during the American Revolutionary War. 1892, "The King of Marches" was introduced to the general public. 1908, In "The Saturday Evening Post" an ad for the Edison Phonograph appeared. 1914, The U.S. Federal Trade Commission was established. 1918, During World War I, the Meuse-Argonne offensive against the Germans began. It was the final Allied offensive on the western front. 1950, U.N. troops recaptured the South Korean capital of Seoul from the North Koreans during the Korean Conflict. 1955, The New York Stock Exchange suffered its worst decline since 1929 when the word was released concerning U.S. President Eisenhower's heart attack. 1960, The first televised debate between presidential candidates Richard M. Nixon and John F. Kennedy took place in Chicago, IL. 1962, "The Beverly Hillbillies" premiered on CBS-TV. 1964, "Gilligan's Island" premiered on CBS-TV. The show aired for the last time on September 4, 1967. 1969, "The Brady Bunch" series premiered on ABC-TV. 1980, The Cuban government abruptly closed Mariel Harbor to end the freedom flotilla of Cuban refugees that began the previous April. 1981, The Boeing 767 made its maiden flight in Everett, WA. 1984, Britain and China initialed a draft agreement on the future of Hong Kong when the Chinese take over ruling the British Colony. 1985, Shamu was born at Sea World in Orlando, FL. Shamu was the first killer whale to survive being born in captivity. 1986, The episode of "Dallas" that had Bobby Ewing returning from the dead was aired. 1986, William H. Rehnquist became chief justice of the U.S. Supreme Court following the retirement of Warren Burger. 1990, The Motion Picture Association of America announced that it had created a new rating. The new NC17 rating was to keep moviegoers under the age of 17 from seeing certain films. 1991, Four men and four women began their two-year stay inside the "Biosphere II." The project was intended to develop technology for future space colonies. 1991, The U.S. Congress heard a plea from Kimberly Bergalis concerning mandatory AIDS testing for health care workers. 1993, The eight people who had stayed in "Biosphere II" emerged from their sealed off environment. They got fired for ordering pizza. 1995, The warring factions of Bosnia agreed on guidelines for elections and a future government. 1996, Shannon Lucid returned to Earth after being in space for 188 days. she set a time record for a U.S. astronaut in space and in the world for time spent by a woman in space. 2000, The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Born- Alive Infants Protection Act. The act states that an infant would be considered to have been born alive if he or she is completely extracted or expelled from the mother and breathes and has a beating heart and definite movement of the voluntary muscles. 2000, Slobodan Milosevic conceded that Vojislav Kostunica had won Yugoslavia's presidential election and declared a runoff. The declared runoff prompted mass protests. 2001, In Kabul, Afghanistan, the abandoned U.S. Embassy was stormed by protesters. It was the largest anti-Amercian protest since the terror attacks on New York City and Washington, DC, on September 11. 2001, Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat and Israeli Foreign Minister Shimon Peres announced plans to formalize a cease- fire and end a year of fighting in the region. 2006, Facebook was openened to everyone at least 13 years or older with a valid email address. 2022 ! smiled. <(")
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Click here for Large Print (it's back)
Return to Webby homepage   Hosting | Software | Contacts  You have a friend @Webby!
High traffic web space on reliable SUN UNIX servers with the fastest connectivity.


High traffic web space on reliable SUN UNIX servers with the fastest connectivity.