Dear Webby's Humor Letter
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Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, October 22

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's Bonehead Award AND a Darwin award go to a 21 year old Mexican, who shot a selfie with a '38. Details at Boneheads Today, in 1797 Andre-Jacques Garnerin made the first recorded parachute jump. He made the jump from about 3,000 feet.
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Only sick music makes money today. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)
>From Donna AS A NURSE in a maternity unit, I've had to answer all kinds of questions from patients and their families. I couldn't help but notice that one expectant father seemed particularly interested in the electronic fetal monitor. "Would it hurt anything if I just turned this dial up and down from time to time?" he asked. "No," I answered, "but why would you want to do that?" Smiling wistfully, the dad explained, "I know from experience it's the only time in a child's life I'll be able to control the volume."
I was on board the USS Kitty Hawk when we docked in the Sri Lankan capital, Colombo. One morning, as the local fishing fleet passed by on its way out to sea, a boat came too close to our ship. A Marine held up a sign warning the captain to stay away, and he complied. But the next day, the boat was back. This time, the fisherman held something. The nervous Marine pointed to his rifle. The fisherman lifted the object and unfurled it, revealing a sign of his own. In perfect English it read, "Your Sign Is Upside Down."
Selma and Irving receive an invitation in the mail. Since it was many years since they were invited anywhere, they read it with glee, very excited that they were asked to attend a wedding. All was fine until they reached the last line. Confused, Irving asks Selma, "Selma, vat does this "RSVP" mean?" Selma was at a loss, as for the life of her, she simply couldn't remember. Finally, after racking her brain for hours, she cries out: "Vait! Vait! I remember! I remember! RSVP!! It means.. "Remember, Send Vedding Present!"
Thanks to Nanarina for this picture: Click through for the large picture Japanese Maple Portland Oregon
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a DARWIN AWARD goes to Oscar Otero Aguilar, 21, Mexico City, Mexico Mexican Veterinarian took a fatal selfie with a '38 It may seem obvious, but if you must take a gun selfie, it’s probably best you point the barrel away from your head. Oscar Otero Aguilar learned that lesson the hard way, accidentally killing himself while posing for a selfie with a .38 pointing toward – that’s right – his head. The incident happened last weekend just north of Mexico City. Reports suggest the 21-year-old veterinarian had been partying with friends, and grabbed his smartphone – and a gun – for a selfie that he intended to post on Facebook. Neighbor Manfredo Paez Paez told local news media that he heard the tragic accident take place. “I heard a gunshot, and then I heard somebody screaming and realized somebody had been hurt,” Paez said, adding, “I called the police straight away and when they arrived they found that he was still alive.” Medics battled to save the man, but he died on the way to hospital. Aguilar was something of a selfie obsessive, with a desire to take ever more impressive selfies and other snaps of himself to post on social media” as part of a growing collection that included photos of himself “in front of fast cars, sitting on expensive motorbikes, hugging beautiful women, and posing in a band to make himself appear something, that he was not. Tech Support Pits From: Elsa Re: Monitor interference Dear Webby, While we are renovating, we are using a door laying flat on four short file cabinets as a desk. I sit on the handle side and my hubby sits on the hinge side. The monitors sit side by side in the middle, one facing east, one facing west. Neat solution, right? NOT! When both monitors are on, they flicker like crazy and the colors are weird. Obviouly they are interfering with each other. Moving them apart makes the seating awkward and is not a solution. So, what IS the solution? Elsa Dear Elsa Sounds like you have good, old-fashioned 4:3 aspect ratio CRT monitors, not the sawed off modern ones with stretched pictures. Good for you! Take the side cover off one of your computers, and stick it between the monitors. A real tin cookie sheet will work too, but not aluminum or stainless steel. The cheap side-covers of computers made from melted down Chevys and Fords are ideal. The cheaper the iron, the more it shields EMF. You will be amazed how suddenly the flickering stops when you slide that metal in between the monitors. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade fly trap Take any jar and squirt some jelly inside. Put a funnel in the jar. Some flies will go into the jar through the funnel and some will hang around the outside lid of the jar. Vacuum the outside flies, then lift the funnel a bit and vacuum the inside flies that are still flying around, not the ones that have died. When you vacuum the flies from the jar, look around the room, near the ceiling for other flies, and vacuum them too. Now, locate the food source of the flies. It could be a compost pail, a garbage pail, cat litter or even a piece of fruit that has fallen behind the stove. Once you have gotten rid of your current infestation, change the litter, compost, etc. every 6 or 7 days. This will prevent any fly maggots from maturing to the adult stage, because it takes them at least 8 days. You can use a similar process for killing outdoor mosquitoes. Give them one or more dishes of water, placed in the shade, like under a bush. The female will lay her eggs in the water. Change the water every six days, which is not long enough for the eggs to hatch. By jean99 [1] http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

AS PART of an effort at Fort Sill, Okla., to improve relations with the surrounding community, my unit held a car wash in the parking lot of a downtown business, with the profits to go to local charities. Volunteers received three-day passes, so there was no shortage of manpower, and we all decided to wear our camouflage uniforms to clearly identify us as soldiers. But it never occurred to us that the purpose of the "Company C Charity Car Wash" might be misunderstood until we overheard a man telling his wife, "These defense cutbacks must be really serious!"
Security and peace of mind were part of the reason we moved to a gated community. Both flew out the window the night I called a local pizza shop for a delivery. "I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza, please," I said, then gave him the address of our condominium. "We'll be there in about half an hour," the kid at the other end replied. "Your gate code is still 1238, right?"


BearsDowny feathers




Today in 
1746 The College of New Jersey was officially chartered. It 
 later became known as Princeton University. 
1797 Andre-Jacques Garnerin made the first recorded parachute 
 jump. He made the jump from about 3,000 feet. 
1836 Sam Houston was inaugurated as the first constitutionally 
 elected president of the Republic of Texas. 
1844 This day is recognized as "The Great Disappointment" among 
 those who practiced Millerism. The world was expected to come 
 to an end according to the followers of William Miller. 
1879 Thomas Edison conducted his first successful experiment 
 with a high-resistance carbon filament. 
1907 The Panic of 1907 began when depositors began withdrawing 
 money from many New York banks. 
1954 The Federal Republic of Germany was invited to join the 
 North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). 
1962 U.S. President Kennedy went on radio and television to 
 inform the United States about his order to send U.S. forces 
 to blockade Cuba. The blockade was in response to the discovery 
 of Soviet missile bases on the island. 
1968 Apollo 7 splashed down in the Atlantic Ocean. The spacecraft 
 had orbited the Earth 163 times. 
1979 The ousted Shah of Iran, Mohammad Riza Pahlavi was allowed 
 into the U.S. for medical treatment. 
1981 The Professional Air Traffic Controllers Organization was 
 decertified by the federal government for its strike the 
 previous August. 
1999 China ended its first-ever human rights conference in which 
 it defied Western definitions of civil liberties. 
1999 The U.N. Security Council voted to send 6,000 troops to 
 Sierra Leone to oversee a peace plan that had been signed in July. 
2010 The Internation Space Station set the record (3641 days) for 
 the longest continuous human occupation of space. It had been 
 continously inhabited since November 2, 2000. 
2014  smiled.
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