No movies and can't print coupons 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, September 1
Happy Labor Day!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Stripper, who took off clothes, masturbated in jail holding cell Details at Boneheads Today, in From the History section at the bottom: 1979 The U.S. Pioneer 11 became the first spacecraft to visit Saturn.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Things are more like they are now than they have ever been. --- Gerald R. Ford (1913 - 2006) "My father says, 'Marry a girl who has the same belief as the family.' I said, 'Dad, why would I marry a girl who thinks I'm a schmuck?'" --- Adam Sandler
Patient: Doctor, I have a problem. I feel unhealthy and depressed. Doctor: You should cut down on drinks. Patient: I don't touch a drop. Doctor: You should cut down on smoking. Patient: I don't smoke. Doctor: You should stop taking drugs. Patient: I don't do drugs. Doctor: You should cut down on womanizing. Patient: Haven't touched a woman in ten years. Doctor: In that case, get yourself a drink, learn to smoke, and find a couple of girlfriends.
At a dinner party, the speaker who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver his speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it. A guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife has sent you a KISS before you begin your speech. She must love you very much." The speaker replied, "You don't know my wife. The letters stand for "Keep it short, Stupid."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Carrier landing

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lakeisha Johnson, WEST PARK, Floriduh Tootsie's stripper takes off clothes, masturbates in jail Lakeisha Johnson was initially suspected of stealing an iPad. A stripper at a Miami Gardens nightclub took her profession to another level after she removed her clothing and masturbated inside a Hallandale Beach jail's holding cell. According to the Broward Sheriff's Office report, Lakeisha Johnson was initially suspected of stealing an iPad. Deputies say they spotted her jumping fences behind homes in the 5200 block of West Hallandale Beach Boulevard early Monday morning. Deputies say when they approached Johnson she began taking off her clothes and using vulgar language. She was eventually arrested on a charge of resisting an officer without violence and was held on $100 bond. The iPad wasn't found in her possession. While Johnson was in the holding cell, she masturbated and took off her clothes repeatedly, exposing her genitals, buttocks and breasts, according to the report. A corrections deputy says she also offered to perform a sex act in exchange for her release. The arrest report says Johnson works at Tootsie's in Miami Gardens. An attorney for Tootsies claims that Johnson does not or has not previously performed as an entertainer at the club. Tech Support Pits From: Penny Re: No movies and no coupon printing Hi Webby, Been a while since I have needed your advice, which is always appreciated. On Facebook I cannot watch videos that I have to leave the main page to watch. All I get is a black screen. Also after reading all the latest n"news" on FB, my computer will freeze. The only thing to do is hit< "control, Ault, delete". And trying to print out Walmart coupons from my e-mail, nothing happens. I'm thinking this all started after I updated Adobe. I ran a system restore thinking that would help. But NOPE ! Any ideas?? I just can't imagine getting injections in my eyes! Dang!! Will you have to do that for the rest of your life, or until you're cured or an operation??? I pray that all will be well with you. Thanks Webby Penny Dear Penny That sounds like your computer is not quite able to cope with the current Adobe Flash Player, and possibly a few other things. Be careful with those printable coupons! Many of them are fake and instead of coupons you get infections. When I get an email offering abuse@webby.com free Walmart coupons, then I dump that email very carefully, if MailWasher has not already marked it for deleting. You can try running Crap Cleaner from my Tool Box at http://webby.com/tools. I would also run a good virus scanner like McAfee and a Trojan cleaner like MalwareBytes. That might postpone the day, when you have to get a newer machine. Personally, I would not wait too long with that. Currently you can still get a Windows 7 machine, IF you try hard enough. However, soon all they will have is Windows 8. I would not recommend that to you. Re my eyes, hopefully soon the Macular Edema will be fixed and I won't need any more injections. Good Luck! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Getting All the Toothpaste out of the Tube When I can no longer get any more toothpaste out of the tube, I cut the tube into 2-3 inch sections and store them in a baggie. When I need toothpaste, I wet the brush and swipe some toothpaste from the cut sections. This extends the life of the tube for at least another week. By ilovesophie [19] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A father, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family at the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7 year old daughter out for a drive in the car. One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold that he really didn't feel like driving at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and decided that for this Sunday she would take their daughter out. They returned just before lunch and the little girl ran upstairs to see her father. "Well" the father asked, "did you enjoy your ride with mommy?" "Oh yes Daddy" the girl replied, "and do you know what, we didn't see a single bastard or moron! Today WE played the morons!"
"My ancestry goes all the way back to Alexander the Great," said one lady. She then turned to a second woman and asked, "How far does your family go back?" "I don't really know for sure." was the reply. "All of our records were lost in The Flood."

» Campfire Photos

Today in 
1810 The first plow with interchangeable parts was patented 
 by John J. Wood. 
1859 The Pullman sleeping car was placed into service. 
1878 Emma M. Nutt became the first female telephone operator 
 in the U.S. The company was the Telephone Dispatch Company 
 of Boston. 
1887 Emile Berliner filed for a patent for his invention of 
 the lateral-cut, flat-disk gramophone. It is a device that 
 is better known as a record player. Thomas Edison made 
 the idea work. 
1897 The first section of Boston's subway system was opened. 
1905 Saskatchewan and Alberta became the ninth and tenth 
 provinces of Canada. 
1939 World War II began when England turned Germany's invasion
 of Poland into more than a routine intra-European border 
 re-alignment and into a World War involving more than just 
 European countries. 
1942 A federal judge in Sacramento, CA, upheld the wartime 
 detention of Japanese-Americans as well as Japanese nationals. 
1945 The U.S. received official word of Japan's formal 
 surrender that ended World War II. In Japan, it was actually 
 September 2nd. 
1969 Col. Moammar Gadhafi came into power in Libya after the 
 government was overthrown. 
1979 The U.S. Pioneer 11 became the first spacecraft to visit 
 Saturn. 
1982 Mexican President Jose Lopez Portillo closed all the 
 country's private banks. 
1985 The Titanic was found by Dr. Robert Ballard and Jean 
 Louis Michel in a joint U.S. and French expedition. The 
 wreck site is located 963 miles northeast of New York 
 and 453 miles southeast of the Newfoundland coast. 
1997 In France, the prosecutor's office announced that the 
 driver of the car, in which Britain's Princess Diana was 
 killed, was over the legal alcohol limit. 
1998 The movie "Titanic" went on sale across North America. 
1998 Vietnam released 5,000 prisoners, including political 
 dissidents, on National Day. 
2014  smiled.


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Recognizing PayPal Scams 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday,  August 31

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Cedar Park woman, who stole wine to follow boyfriend to jail Details at Boneheads Today, in From the History section at the bottom: 1994 A cease-fire was declared by the Irish Republican Army after 25 years of bloodshed in Northern Ireland.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
It's so much easier to suggest solutions when you don't know too much about the problem. --- Malcolm Forbes (1919 - 1990)
This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made. The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes. The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes. But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes. When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way: The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures, AND I COULDN'T STOP TALKING!
A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: TAVURVUR VOLCANO Papua New Guinea Blew it's top on Friday

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Alicia Walicke, 22, Cedar Park, Texas Cedar Park woman stole wine to follow boyfriend to jail A woman told police she stole a bottle of cheap wine from a Cedar Park gas station so she could get arrested and see her boyfriend in the Williamson County Jail, according to a warrant. Cedar Park resident Alicia Walicke, 22, was charged with theft. Police found her Wednesday next to a Shell gas station at 1405 Whitestone Blvd. drinking a $3.99 bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 she had just stolen from the station, the warrant said. “Walicke advised her boyfriend was arrested earlier that evening by Cedar Park Officers and it was her fault so she wanted to make things right and go to jail,” according to the warrant. Mad Dog 20/20 is a slang word for a cheap wine made by Mogen David. Walicke has two previous convictions for theft, the warrant said. She was previously charged with assault against a public servant in March when she bit a Cedar Park police officer’s arm while officers were trying to restrain her after she became combative when they responded to a call about her making suicidal threats, a warrant said. Police believed she was under the influence of an unknown drug and were trying to get her medically evaluated, the warrant said. Walicke was released from the Williamson County Jail Friday after posting bond on bail set at $5,000, according to court records. Tech Support Pits From: Emily Re: How do you recognize PayPal scams? Dear Webby How could you jump that quickly to decide that the mail Len got was a scam? Couldn't it have been from PayPal after all? Emily Dear Emily I have dealt with PayPal for 14 or 15 years. They never send notices about anything expiring. They send notices about transactions, or notices, that you should log in and check this or that. However, PayPal NEVER sends a link in email. With MailWasher I see the real URL underlying links, and usually MailWasher recognizes those scams and flags them for deleting. Over the years I have seen countless of those scams, neatly flagged for deleting. Some of them are really funny, for example if they send an expiry notice to unsubscribe@webby.com, or to abuse@webby.com. Of course I don't waste time replying and inviting the scammer to show up at my door and collect some abuse, but I get a chuckle out of them anyway. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shucking Corn Cut off both ends of the corn. Peel off all but 2 -3 layers of the husk. Then either steam for 8 - 10 minutes (depending on how many ears you have) or wrap in a damp towel and microwave for 1 1/2 - 2 minutes per ear. Using a clean towel or pot holder, peel the rest of the husk off. The silk will easily rub off with the husk. Be careful, the ear is hot. Source: This was on a youtube video By Judy Dreyer [4] If you like your corn tender but juicy enough, so that it sprays a bit when you chew it off the cob, there is a much easier way! Microwave or boil the corn whatever length of time your equipment takes. Cut off the stem end at the largest diameter point. Grab the corn at the opposite end with a pot holder, lift it up and squeeze. You may have to gently shake it a bit to help it slide out. The cob will slide down and out onto a plate without ANY silk or leaves. Salt and pepper, and enjoy! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
A man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just a lazy old fart." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

» Campfire Photos

Today in 
1823 Ferdinand VII was restored to the throne of Spain 
 when invited French forces entered Cadiz. The event is known 
 as the Battle of Trocadero. 
1887 The kinetoscope was patented by Thomas Edison. The device 
 was used to produce moving pictures. 
1935 The act of exporting U.S. arms to belligerents was 
 prohibited by an act signed by U.S. President Roosevelt. 
1962 The Caribbean nations Tobago and Trinidad became 
 independent within the British Commonwealth. 
1964 California officially became the most populated state 
 in America. 
1980 Poland's Solidarity labor movement was born with an 
 agreement signed in Gdansk that ended a 17-day strike. 
1989 Great Britain's Princess Anne and Mark Phillips announced 
 that they were separating. The marriage was 16 years old. 
1990 East and West Germany signed a treaty that meant the 
 harmonizing of political and legal systems. 
1991 Uzbekistan and Kirghiziz declared their independence 
 from the Soviet Union. They were the 9th and 10th republics 
 to announce their plans to secede. 
1991 In a "Solidarity Day" protest hundreds of thousands 
 of union members marched in Washington, DC. 
1993 Russia withdrew its last soldiers from Lithuania. 
1994 A cease-fire was declared by the Irish Republican Army 
 after 25 years of bloodshed in Northern Ireland. 
1994 Russia officially ended its military presence in the 
 former East Germany and the Baltics after a half-century. 
1998 A ballistic missile was fired over Japan by North Korea. 
 The missile landed in stages in the waters around Japan. 
 There was no known target. 
2014  smiled.


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'PayPal Expiring' emails 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday,  August 30

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Woman responsible for previous DWI Death Arrested For Third DWI This Summer Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom:

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today, in A nation is a society united by delusions about its ancestry and by common hatred of its neighbors. --- William Ralph Inge (1860 - 1954) A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. --- Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977) I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays. --- Henny Youngman (1906 - 1998) If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; But if you really make them think, they'll hate you. --- Don Marquis
>From Lillemor Hey, I just read that the reason they are not arresting any LOOTERS in Ferguson is because Eric Holder's Justice Department has reclassified them. They are not LOOTERS anymore. They are now UNDOCUMENTED SHOPPERS The following items have NOT been stolen by the looters in Ferguson: Pens, pencils, resume kits, work boots, work gloves, work coveralls, father’s day cards and books.
>From Moe Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Ron's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three mates get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire. "Wow Ron, how long you been here? How did you talk your wife into letting you go?" "Well, I've been here since last night. After dinner at home yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'" I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing sexy brand new lingerie. She said she had been reading 'Fifty Shades of Grey' and she had a devilish look in her eyes!!! She took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want." So . . . . here I am!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jo Jackson, 53, FAYETTEVILLE, AR Woman responsible for previous DWI Death Arrested For Third DWI This Summer Jo Jackson, a Fayetteville woman previously convicted in a DWI death was arrested Sunday for the third time this summer on suspicion of driving while intoxicated, according to the Fayetteville Police Department. Jo Jackson, 53, was arrested Sunday afternoon on suspicion of several misdemeanor charges, including DWI, reckless driving, expired vehicle licensing and driving on a suspended license. A preliminary arrest report states she had a .21 blood-alcohol level at the time of her arrest. Her arraignment is set for Sept. 22, according to the report. Police on Sunday responded near College Avenue and Cleburn Street in reference to a vehicle that was swerving and stopping in the middle of the lanes meant for oncoming traffic, according to a preliminary report. An officer stopped the vehicle, but Jackson, the driver, had no license to give him, the report states. The reporting officer said he could smell alcohol on Jackson, and her speech was slurred. Also, the license plate on her vehicle expired in April, the preliminary report states. Jackson failed a field sobriety test, even though she was wearing pants this time, and officers found an open, half full bottle of Sutter Home wine in the vehicle’s center console, according to the report. Jackson’s license was suspended after she was convicted in the September 2011 death of veteran Fayetteville road worker Jackie Luper, 51, on Joyce Boulevard. She told officers she had taken prescription medications prior to the incident. Her 12-year-old daughter was in the car at the time, officials said. Following her negligent homicide conviction in June 2012, Jackson received a sentence of time served and was sentenced to no further jail or prison time, according to court records. She was also sentenced to 12 months of probation, which she fulfilled in June 2013, records show. The city renamed the section of Joyce Boulevard from College Avenue to Crossover Road the honorary Jack Luper Boulevard. Jackson was arrested Aug. 8 in a separate instance on suspicion of DWI, driving on a suspended license, reckless driving, having no proof of insurance and violating implied consent. She later posted a $2,000 bond out of the Washington County Detention Center, according to the Sheriff’s Office. Her arraignment in that case is set for Sept. 5. During that incident, police said Jackson admitted to drinking half a bottle of wine and taking Hydrocodone and Adavan prescription medications. Open wine containers were also found in the vehicle, the preliminary report states. Jackson failed a field sobriety test and was arrested and transported to jail, police said. Prior to that arrest, Jackson was also arrested June 8 on suspicion of DWI. The arresting officer in the case said she was not wearing pants or underwear during the field sobriety test. Jackson was booked into jail and released several hours later on $1,780 bond, according to the Sheriff’s Office. She's driving again. Tech Support Pits From: Len Re: PayPal expiring? Dear Webby Got this: Subject: We inform you that your Account PayPal expires in less than 48 hours From: service@intl.PayPal.com Is this for real or another scam? PLMK. Thanks. Len Dear Len Typical scam. Delete it and forget it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Artificial Plants and Flowers I spray Febreze generously onto the whole flower/foliage arrangement, tree, etc. This works just as well as commerical cleaners made specifically for silk flowers. Just spray, no wiping necessary. And you can choose the scent (or no scent) of your choice. By 2ndsight [1] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Rosie When my husband was a student at Tennessee Temple University, I often asked him to do errands after class, tying ribbons on his fingers to remind him. A good sport, he didn't protest, even though his classmates obviously noticed my little reminders. One day he had to have a mole removed from above his ear and emerged from the doctor's office with his head wrapped in a white bandage. When he walked into class, everyone just stared. Finally one student blurted out, "Whatever your wife wants you to remember today, it must be REALLY important."
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class: "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However," he continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah. Right."

» Campfire Photos

Today in 
1146 European leaders outlawed the crossbow. 
1645 American Indians and the Dutch made a peace treaty at 
 New Amsterdam. New Amsterdam later became known as New York. 
1682 William Penn sailed from England and later established 
 the colony of Pennsylvania in America. 
1780 General Benedict Arnold secretly promised to surrender 
 the West Point fort to the British army. 
1809 Charles Doolittle Walcott first discovered fossils 
 near Burgess Pass. He named the site Burgess Shale after 
 nearby Mt. Burgess. 
1862 The Confederates defeated Union forces at the second 
 Battle of Bull Run in Manassas, VA. 
1941 During World War II, the Nazis severed the last 
 railroad link between Leningrad and the rest of the 
 Soviet Union. 
1945 General Douglas MacArthur set up Allied occupation 
 headquarters in Japan. 
1951 The Philippines and the United States signed a 
 defense pact. 
1956 In Louisianna, the Lake Pontchartrain Causeway opened. 
1960 A partial blockade was imposed on West Berlin by 
 East Germany. 
1963 The "Hotline" between Moscow and Washington, DC, 
 went into operation. 
1982 P.L.O. leader Yasir Arafat left Beirut for Greece. 
1991 The Soviet republic of Azerbaijan declared independence
1994 Rosa Parks was robbed and beaten by Joseph Skipper. 
 Parks was known for her refusal to give up her seat on a 
 bus in 1955, which sparked the civil rights movement. 
1994 The largest U.S. defense contractor was created when 
 the Lockheed and Martin Marietta corporations agreed 
 to a merger. 
1996 An expedition to raise part of the Titanic failed when 
 the nylon lines being used to raise part of the hull snapped. 
1999 The residents of East Timor overwhelmingly voted for 
 independence from Indonesia. The U.N. announced the result 
 on September 4.
2014  smiled.


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Transparent icon text in Windows 7 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday,  August 26

Today I have to go to Calgary for more injections into my 
eyeballs. That means no newsletters for 2-3 days afterwards.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Texas babysitter, who set fire to home of 'disrespectful' kids Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1973 A U.S. Presidential Proclamation was declared that made August 26th Women's Equality Day. (August 24 is "Go Topless Day")
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Seeing ourselves as others see us would probably confirm our worst suspicions about them. --- Franklin P. Adams
An old lady is walking around in a supermarket calling out, "Crisco, Creeeesscohhhh!" Soon a store clerk approaches and says, "Lady, the Crisco is in aisle D." The old lady replies, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff. I'm calling my husband." The clerk is astonished. "Your husband's name is Crisco?" The old lady answers, "Oh no, no, no. I only call him that when we're out in public." "I see," said the clerk. "What do you call him at home?" "Lardo."
A synagogue had just opened for business while at the same time a Catholic church opened across the street. After some time the Rabbi noticed that a convent had been added to the church, More time later a Catholic school was built, then a gymnasium. Concerned the Rabbi called together his staff and expressed his concern, "We've been here the same amount of time as our neighbors and look, they've grown while we still have our same small temple - what are we doing wrong?" And so it was decided, they'd send Morris to attend a service on Sunday and check out what was going on over there. Sunday comes and all the men from the congregation are peeking thru the windows as Morris enters the church. Not 15 minutes later and Morris comes flying across the street, yelling and waving his arms. "So what happened?" says the Rabbi "Oy, you wouldn't believe it" says Morris "I go into the church, I sit down, then from the left a guy in a dress comes out unto the stage and he's chanting "I can play dominoes better than you can - I can play dominoes better than you can", then from the right of the stage some young boys swinging incense followed by another guy in a dress starts chanting "I bet you don't - I bet you don't" then back and forth they go "I can play dominoes better than you can - -I bet you don't", then from outta' the back four men in black suits come down the aisles and pick up the bets !!!"
Thanks to Jean for sending this:

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Martha Dreher, 57, Austin, Texas Texas babysitter, who set fire to home of 'disrespectful' kids A Texas babysitter was arrested after setting fire to the house of children she said “lacked respect.” Martha Dreher, 57, has pleaded not guilty to arson charges, ABC reported Saturday. The house fire occurred on August 9 at an Austin home belonging to Glenn Williams. Dreher had been babysitting Williams’ four children -- two preteen girls and 5-year-old twin boys -- for several months, KVUE reports. On the night of August 9, the daughters were on vacation with their father, and Dreher was watching the two boys at their mother’s house, according to the American-Statesman. The babysitter told police that she went to Williams’ residence at about 9 p.m. to get some popcorn. Police say that security cameras show that the fire started about 25 minutes after she got there, and that the blaze was escalating as the babysitter drove away. Dreher allegedly told cops she “never saw a fire.” Williams told KVUE that his teenage son noticed the fire when he returned home that night, and that whoever set it had closed the doors of the girls’ bedrooms as if to contain the fire to those rooms. “It was definitely a vendetta against the two girls," the children’s father told KVUE. “Before I left, she had taken the girls clothes shopping, and she said that it was horrible, that my oldest had been very disrespectful to her and she didn't think it was a good match and she probably didn't want to do this anymore." Though Drehey denied setting any fires, she allegedly described the girls to investigators as “out of control, lacking respect for her and having disciplines issues,” according to documents obtained by The Statesman. Tech Support Pits From: Bree (like Brie, but sweeter) Re: Icon text background Dear Webby How can I get rid of the ugly icon text background in Windoze 7? You showed me once how to do it in XP, but I have long forgotten how to do that. Thanks Bree Dear Bree It is a ridiculous rigmarole in Windows 7, just like it was in XP. You might want to print this out or keep it open. 1) MyComputer 2) Control Panel 3) System 4) Advanced System Settings 5) Advanced 6) Performance Settings 7) Scroll down to the second last checkbox: Use drop shadows for icon labels on the desktop 8) Put a checkmark in there 9) Hit OK 10) Hit OK until you are out of that thilly wigmarole. Yes, I agree it is absolutely moronic to hide a necessary function that far down. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com 2 Ingredient Pancakes Who knew you could make yummy pancakes with just 2 ingredients? All it takes is one banana and two eggs. These gluten free discs might not taste exactly like your standard pancake, but once you try them, you will be hooked. Sweet, custardy and guilt-free! Approximate Time: 10 minutes Yield: 10 mini pancakes Ingredients: 1 banana, peeled 2 eggs Steps: Mix the banana and eggs together to make a batter. Cook mini pancakes in a pan, as you would when making regular pancakes. By attosa [103] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Bob moved into an apartment and went shopping for cleaning equipment. His cart was loaded with a broom, mop, dust-pan, sponges and a full array of cleaning products. At the last minute he topped off his cart with a lone food purchase -- a large bag of potato chips. Seeing the checkout clerk's quizzical look, he explained, "I'm a very messy eater."
Nine year old Little Johnny, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission, to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge so that the cops could not follow them, and all the Israelites were saved." "Now, Johnny, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked, scornfully. "Well, no, Mom. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it."

» Nuts

Today in 
55 B.C. Britain was invaded by Roman forces under Julius Caesar.
1498 Michelangelo was commissioned to make the "Pieta." 
1847 Liberia was proclaimed as an independent republic. 
1896 In the Philippines an insurrection began against the 
 Spanish government. 
1934 Adolf Hitler demanded that France return the Saar 
 region to Germany. It had been awarded to France after WWI
1937 All Chinese shipping was blockaded by Japan. 
1939 The first televised major league baseball games were shown. 
 The event was a double-header between the Cincinnati Reds 
 and the Brooklyn Dodgers. 
1945 The Japanese were given surrender instructions on the 
 U.S. battleship Missouri at the end of World War II.
1957 It was announced that an intercontinental ballistic 
 missile was successfully tested by the Soviet Union. 
1957 The first Edsel made by the Ford Motor Company rolled 
 of the assembly line. 
1961 The International Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto opened. 
1973 A U.S. Presidential Proclamation was declared that made 
 August 26th Women's Equality Day. 
1978 Sigmund Jahn blasted off aboard the Russian Soyuz 31 and 
 became the first German in space. 
1981 The U.S. claimed that North Korea fired an antiaircraft 
 missile at a U.S. Surveillance plane while it was over 
 South Korea. 
1987 The Fuller Brush Company announced plans to open two 
 retail stores in Dallas, TX. The company that had sold its 
 products door to door for 81 years. 
1990 The 55 Americans at the U.S. Embassy in Kuwait left 
 Baghdad by car and headed for the Turkish border. 
1991 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev promised that 
 national elections would be held. 
1992 A "no-fly zone" was imposed on the southern 1/3 of 
 Iraq. The move by the U.S., France and Britain was aimed 
 at protecting Iraqi Shiite Muslims. 
1998 The U.S. government announced that they were 
 investigating Microsoft in an attempt to discover if 
 they "bullied" Intel into delaying new technology. 
2014  smiled.


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Wired or wireless connection in a new office? 




Good Morning,  !
Today is SMonday,  August 25

Tuesday, Aug 26, I will have to go to Calgary for more
injections into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters
for 2-3 days afterwards.


Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Montana man who called 911 to complain that a stripper would not have sex with him Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1972 In Great Britain, computerized axial tomography (CAT scan) was introduced.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If you would thoroughly know anything, teach it to others. --- Tryon Edwards (1809 - 1894) Seeing ourselves as others see us would probably confirm our worst suspicions about them. --- Franklin P. Adams
When I lived in a dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights. Dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets. Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most frequent target was the Resident Assistant. Approaching his room one afternoon, he noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door's edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he exclaimed, "You crazy guys actually thought you could fool me with THAT old gag!" It was then he realized that we had removed the drainpipe under the sink and turned the "U" trap to point at his crotch.
BACK IN MY DAY In my day, we didn't have no rocks. We had to go down to the creek and wash our clothes by beating them with our heads. Back in the 1970s we didn't have the space shuttle to get all excited about. We had to settle for men walking on the crummy moon. In my day, we didn't have hand-held calculators. We had to do addition on our fingers. In my day, we didn't have water. We had to smash together our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms. Kids today think the world revolves around them. In my day, the sun revolved around the world, and the world was perched on the back of a giant tortoise. In my day, we didn't have virtual reality. If a one-eyed, razorback barbarian warrior was chasing you with an ax, you had to kill him with a shovel.
Thanks to Jean for sending this:

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to William McDaniel,53, Butte, Montana Man Calls 911 To Complain That Stripper Would Not Have Sex With Him After paying $350 for a private dance at a gentlemen’s club, a Montana man called police to complain that the stripper did not have sex with him. William McDaniel, 53, paid for the dance Saturday evening at Sagebrush Sam’s Exotic Dance Club and Casino in Rocker, a Butte suburb. But when he did not get the expected sex, he dialed 911 to register a consumer complaint. This was a mistake on McDaniel’s part. After questioning McDaniel, police arrested him for offering money for sexual favors, a misdemeanor. He was booked into the Butte-Silver Bow Detention Center, from which he was released Sunday morning after posting $550 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Lynn Re: Wired or wireless? Dear Webby What is faster for a home office network, old fashioned cable or wireless? I know I can't go by what the computer magazines say, because those guys never paid for their toys and have to watch who pays for the ads. The machines are not used for high file traffic games, just for office work, but in 4 different rooms. We are moving and I need to quickly decide whether to have the new place cabled or not. Thanks Lynn Dear Lynn Professionally installing cables so that they are hidden, with neat and clean wall jacks, is neither cheap nor fast. If you go that route, check with burglar alarm system installers. They know how to securely hide cables so that absolutely nothing shows. Wireless will be cheaper, and can be set up in an evening. The file transfer speed of wireless is better than cable, as long as there are no fridges or metal file cabinets bouncing the signal around, and as long as the distance is not over 50 feet, otherwise the file transfer speed is lower than cable. If you have one or more "roaming" laptops, go with wireless. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Day Old Cinnamon Rolls for Bread Pudding For richer, sweeter bread pudding, get day old cinnamon rolls instead of bread. They taste so much better and you save money. The cinnamon rolls are always discounted. By mamacrafter Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Wendy was waiting her turn at the bakery, when she heard a prospective bride give the cake decorator a hard time as she previewed her wedding cake. She demanded many extras and was critical of the work he'd done so far. After she left, he muttered, "I'm glad I put my special golden award on this cake. That young woman is sure eligible for it." Curious, Wendy studied the cake closely, but saw nothing. Finally the decorator pointed to the tiny bridegroom atop the cake with his tiny bride and there it was. Barely visible was the "golden award", a tiny ring, inserted in the groom's nose.
Thanks to Sandie for these stats: A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study by the American Beer Institute found that the average American drinks 22 gallons of beer a year. This means, on average, Americans get approximately 41 miles per gallon. Not bad!!!

» Nuts

Today in 
1718 Hundreds of colonists from France arrived in Louisiana. 
 Some settled in present-day New Orleans. 
1814 The U.S. Library of Congress was destroyed by British 
 forces. 
1825 Uruguay declared independence from Brazil. 
1840 Joseph Gibbons received a patent for the seeding machine. 
1875 Captain Matthew Webb swam from Dover, England, to Calais, 
 France making him the first person to swim the English Channel. 
 The feat took about 22 hours. 
1920 The first airplane to fly from New York to Alaska 
 arrived in Nome. 
1941 Soviet and British troops invaded Iran. This was in reaction 
 to the Shah's refusal to reduce the number of German residents. 
1944 Paris, France, was liberated by Allied forces ending 
 four years of German occupation. 
1944 Romania declared war on Germany. 
1950 U.S. President Truman ordered the seizure of U.S. railroads 
 to avert a strike. 
1972 In Great Britain, computerized axial tomography (CAT scan) 
 was introduced. 
1978 The Turin shroud believed to be the burial cloth of 
 Jesus Christ went on display for the first time in 45 years. 
1981 The U.S. Voyager 2 sent back pictures and data about Saturn. 
 The craft came within 63,000 miles of the planet. 
1983 The U.S. and the Soviet Union signed a $10 billion 
 grain pact. That led to the USSR becoming a grain exporter
 instead of an importer.
1987 Saudi Arabia denounced the "group of terrorists" that 
 ran the Iranian government. 
1990 Military action was authorized by the United Nations 
 to enforce the trade embargo that had been placed on 
 Iraq after their invasion of Kuwait. 
1991 Belorussia declared independence from the Soviet Union. 
1992 It was reported by researchers that cigarette smoking 
 significantly increased the risk of developing cataracts. 
1995 Harry Wu, human rights activist, returned to the United 
 States. He said the spying case against him in China was 
 "all lies." 
1997 The tobacco industry agreed to an $11.3 billion 
 settlement with the state of Florida. 
2014  smiled.


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Camera for boat trip 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday,  August 24

Tuesday, Aug 26, I will have to go to Calgary for more
injections into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters
for 2-3 days afterwards.

Obama's Food Police: No more pink cookies

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Oklahoma teacher caught in a hotel room with a student. Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1932 Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across the U.S. non-stop. The trip from Los Angeles, CA to Newark, NJ, took about 19 hours.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) An important trip in life is meeting people half way. --- Socratex
A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night. Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up. Sitting up straight, embarrassed and red faced, sure that everyone in the place heard her, she turns to the waiter and demands, "Stop that!" The waiter looks at her dryly and says, "Sure lady, which way did you fire it ?"
Thanks to Irene for this story: For our 20th anniversary my husband and I vacationed in Hawaii, where we went snorkeling. After an hour in the water, everyone got back on the boat, except for me and one handsome young man. As I continued my underwater exploring, I noticed that everywhere I swam, he swam. I snorkeled for another 40 minutes. So did he. I felt very flattered and, as I took off my fins, asked him coyly why he had stayed in the water for so long. "I'm the lifeguard," he replied matter-of-factly. "I couldn't get out until you did."
Thanks to Jean for sending this: Sverd-i-fjell-Norwqay

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jennifer Caswell, 28, Hollis, Oklahoma Teacher Charged With Rape After Being Found With Teen In Hotel An Oklahoma teacher who was under investigation for an inappropriate relationship with a student faces a slew of charges -- including second-degree rape -- after police in Mississippi say they caught her in a hotel room with a 15-year-old student. Jennifer Caswell, a 28-year-old former English teacher at Hollis Middle School in Hollis, Oklahoma, resigned from her position in April amid allegations that she was having an illicit affair with a student. Prosecutors told the Oklahoman that initially, they didn't really have hard evidence in the case, only reports of suspicious behavior. “Things that raised kind of an eyebrow. People seeing a teacher alone with a child may or may not be anything. It could just be innocent contact,” Harmon County Assistant District Attorney Eric Yarborough told the newspaper. “The child said nothing’s going on, she’s just a nice teacher.” But then, on June 18, police in Olive Branch, Mississippi, say they caught Caswell with the boy at a Best Western. Authorities say a subsequent investigation revealed that the former teacher and the victim had sex multiple times in April and May of this year, including twice at school, according to the Lawton Constitution. In a police interview, the minor allegedly said that Caswell had sex with him in a classroom at school three days before resigning from her job, and then again several times in her car and at the victim's home in the weeks following her resignation. The Mississippi incident happened more than 650 miles away from her home town while he was away visiting his mother. The victim told police that he hopped a fence in a church parking lot to meet Caswell, who appears to have traveled from Oklahoma to rendezvous with the boy. Caswell now faces three counts of second-degree rape, two counts of enticing a child, and one count of forcible sodomy. According to the Oklahoman, Caswell had been married prior to the investigation into the alleged sex abuse. She was formerly known as Jennifer Sexton, but since obtaining a divorce from her husband, has restored her maiden name of Caswell. -------------- I wonder if the "child" considered himself a victim or a beneficiary. In my day, that was strictly beneficiary. Tech Support Pits From: Maria Re: Camera for boat trip Dear Webby What camera would you recommend for a long canoe trip? I don't really want to risk my big Canon, but want to be sure I get reasonably good pictures. Thanks Maria Dear Maria Just get a stack of regular disposable cameras, not the expensive underwater type or the flash type, just the cheap ones you see at gas stations and drug stores and supermarkets. They float, and immersion in water does not seem to bother them one bit. The only drawback I found with them is that they do tend to easily slip out of a shirt pocket and go for a dive whenever you lean over the side of the canoe to retrieve a beverage from the cooler net, or if you get a bit wild with the paddling in a rapid. It's not a real problem, you just wait after the rapids for the camera to catch up, and fish it out. They float a lot slower than a good canoe, so if you temporarily lose one, don't paddle like a maniac trying to catch up with it. It is behind you and will eventually catch up with you, if you simply wait for it. Cameras with a flash and batteries probably won't do so well in the water, but with the plain regular ones I have never had a problem. The pictures are more than good enough for scanning and using on the net. Try not to mix brands, though. They all use different color temperatures. Kodak has a yellow cast, Fuji a green and Agfa a blue cast. If a whole series of pictures has the same cast, the eye compensates for it, but if they are mixed, they look odd and amateurish, and you need to adjust the hue in a graphics program. Decide on one brand, and stick with it. If somebody tells you that you can't get them any more, because your gas station forgot to order them for the summer, go online! Disposable cameras from $2.95 and up Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Old Ink Stains From Clothing To get ink out of a white shirt or blouse that has already set in the dryer, try this. Place an old towel between the shirt so stain will not go through. Spray hair spray on all the ink spots. Do NOT blot spots. Wash in warm water with laundry detergent. Check again to make sure all stains are out before putting the item in the dryer By Mythi from WA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car. "Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by. From around the curve they heard a big splash. "Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says 'bridge out' instead?"
THREE BAD NUNS There were these three nuns and they were tired of being good all of the time, so they went to the priest and asked if they could be bad for one day. He said that they could do one thing wrong but they had to come straight back and tell him what they did. The first nun comes back. "What did you do wrong, Sister?" "I mooned the rabbi next door, and nearly gave him a heart attack." "Very well, go drink holy water." The Second nun comes back shortly afterwards. "And what did you do wrong, Sister" he asks again. "I spiked the fruit punch at the bingo ." "OK, go drink holy water." Just then the third nun comes up to the priest and again he asks, "And what did you do wrong, Sister." "I peed in the holy water."

» Nuts

Today in 
0079 Mount Vesuvius erupted killing approximately 20,000 
 people. The cities of Pompeii, Stabiae and Herculaneum 
 were buried in volcanic ash. 
0410 The Visigoths overran Rome. This event symbolized the 
 fall of the Western Roman Empire. 
1456 The printing of the Gutenberg Bible was completed. 
1572 The Catholics began their slaughter of the French 
 Protestants in Paris. The killings claimed about 70,000 
 people. 
1814 Washington, DC, was invaded by Canadians, who set fire 
 to what later became the White House, after it was whitewashed
 to cover the soot and partially burned wood, and the Capitol. 
1869 A patent for the waffle iron was received by Cornelius 
 Swarthout. 
1891 Thomas Edison applied patents for the kinetoscope and 
 kinetograph (U.S. Pats. 493,426 and 589,168). 
1932 Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across 
 the U.S. non-stop. The trip from Los Angeles, CA to Newark, 
 NJ, took about 19 hours. 
1949 The North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) went into 
 effect. The agreement was that an attack against on one of 
 the parties would be considered "an attack against them all." 
1954 The Communist Party was virtually outlawed in the U.S. 
 when the Communist Control Act went into effect. 
1959 Three days after Hawaiian statehood, Hiram L. Fong was 
 sworn in as the first Chinese-American U.S. senator while 
 Daniel K. Inouye was sworn in as the first Japanese-American 
 U.S. representative. 
1963 John Pennel pole-vaulted 17 feet and 3/4 inches becoming 
 the first to break the 17-foot barrier. 
1968 France became the 5th thermonuclear power when they 
 exploded a hydrogen bomb in the South Pacific. 
1985 27 anti-apartheid leaders were arrested in South Africa 
 as racial violence rocked the country. 
1986 Frontier Airlines shut down. Thousands of people were 
 left stranded. 
1989 "Total war" was declared by Columbian drug lords on 
 their government. 
1989 The U.S. space probe, Voyager 2, sent back photographs 
 of Neptune. 
1990 Iraqi troops surrounded foreign missions in Kuwait. 
1991 Russian President Mikhail Gorbachev resigned as the 
 head of the Communist Party. 
1992 China and South Korea established diplomatic relations. 
1998 U.S. officials cited a soil sample as part of the 
 evidence that a Sudan plant was producing precursors to 
 the VX nerve gas. And, therefore made it a target for U.S. 
 missiles on August 20, 1998. 
1998 A donation of 24 beads was made, from three parties, 
 to the Indian Museum of North America at the Crazy Horse 
 Memorial. The beads are said to be those that were used 
 in 1626 to buy Manhattan from the Indians. 
2001 In McAllen, TX, Bridgestone/Firestone agreed to settle 
 out of court and pay a reported $7.5 million to a family 
 in a rollover accident in their Ford Explorer. 
2001 U.S. District Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly was randomly 
 picked to take over the Microsoft monopoly case. The judge 
 was to decide how Microsoft should be punished for illegally 
 trying to squelch its competitors. 
2001 NASA announced that operation of the Upper Atmosphere 
 Research Satellite would end by September 30th due to budget 
 restrictions. The satellite is best known for monitoring 
 a hole in the ozone layer over Antarctica, but the ozone 
 hoax was not taken serious anymore.
2005 The planet Pluto was reclassified as a "dwarf planet" 
 by the International Astronomical Union (IAU). Pluto's 
 status was changed due to the IAU's new rules for an object 
 qualifying as a planet. Pluto met two of the three rules 
 because it orbits the sun and is large enough to assume a 
 nearly round shape. However, since Pluto has an oblong orbit 
 and overlaps the orbit of Neptune it disqualified Pluto as 
 a planet. 
2014  smiled.


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Free Famous Fonts 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday,  August 23

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a LA-Area Police Officer Arrested For Soliciting Las Vegas Undercover Cop Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1999 Robert Bogucki was rescued after getting lost in the Great Sandy Desert of Australia on July 11. During the 43 day ordeal Bogucki lost 44 pounds.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
There is no failure except in no longer trying. --- Elbert Hubbard
A young woman was suffering badly from hay fever. She was going to a fancy dinner party that night and figured she would need at least two handkerchiefs to get her through the evening. She didn't have any pockets, so she stuffed them both in her bra. Halfway through the night, she had already used up one handkerchief and was rummaging around in her bra for the other one. She was having trouble finding it, and soon she noticed that everyone at the table was looking at her. "What on earth are you doing?" asked one of her colleagues. She replied, "I could have sworn I had two when I arrived!"
A property manager of single-family residence was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions. "Professionally employed?" he asked. "We're a military family," the wife answered. "Children?" "Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly. "Animals?" "Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved."
Thanks to Jean for sending this:

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Johnson, 18, LA-Area Police Officer Arrested For Soliciting Las Vegas Undercover Cop A Southern California police officer has been charged with soliciting a prostitute after being caught in a sting involving an undercover cop in a Las Vegas casino. Vahak Mardikian, 48, of the Glendale Police Department, was arrested Aug. 8, after allegedly spending an hour chatting up a woman posing as a prostitute in the Flamingo Casino. When the suspect asked the undercover officer if she was a cop, she said no, according to the Las Vegas Review-Journal. Mardikian said he wasn’t an officer either. According to the arrest report, Mardikian and the undercover officer made plans to go to the woman's apartment for anal sex in exchange for $250 and gas money. The two agreed to meet separately at the woman's car in a parking garage to avoid suspicion, Fox5Vegas.com reports. Shortly after the suspect gave the undercover officer money for gas, he was arrested by nearby undercover detectives, police said. Mardikian was booked at the Clark County Detention Center on one count of soliciting prostitution, the Las Vegas Sun reports. This isn't Mardikian's first bout with controversy. He was demoted within the Glendale Police Dept. in 2012 for allegedly pressuring and harassing other officers, but was reinstated to his rank in 2013, according to the Glendale News-Press. ------------------- Somebody should tell him that "What happens in Las Vegas, stays in Las Vegas", the slogan that fuelled all the lights and glitter and the expansion of Las Vegas, is history. All the Millions of chambermaids, cooks, waitresses, and casino employees and their families are mostly quite religious new immigrants, and they vote. Prostitution is illegal in Las Vegas since the late 80's. Las Vegas is a town of churches and church goers, and City Hall promotes Family Fun, not what made it famous. Tech Support Pits From: Mary Re: Famous fonts Dear Webby I heard somebody is giving away famous fonts like CocaCola and Harry Potter and Starwars, etc. A fontaholic like me NEEDS those. Where can I get them? Thanks Mary Dear Mary Here is the link to Famous Fonts. They are all free. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Waterproof Address Labels To waterproof address labels, just rub a candle over the text. You will also save on sellotape. By Monique [98] With almost all mail going via the Internet nowadays, the only addressing I need is for packages and very rarely an envelope. Usually I just hand write it with a medium tipped black Mark-All. About the only times I actually print labels is for jars and containers. Since my printer is a Laser printer, the labels are waterproof anyway. Lasers use toner, which is colored wax, that is melted into the paper. Water just runs off it, and may dissolve areas, that are not printed, but printed areas are protected. Only if you use one of those short lived, expensive to use inkjet printers, would you need a candle to fake the waxy sheen of laser printing. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an argu- ment. "Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one. "There be two pints in a quart," confirmed the proprietor. They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order. "Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered to buy them for us." The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the fellows called out to the proprietor at the other end of the bar, "You did say two pints, didn't you?" "That's right," he called back, "two pints."
Wife: "I'm going to try something new this summer with the dog and kids." Husband: "What's that?" Wife: "I'm sending the dog to camp and the kids to obedience school."

» Muscle Cars

Today in 
1839 Hong Kong was taken by the British in a war with China. 
1892 The printed streetcar transfer was patented by Stedman.
1904 Hard D. Weed patented the grip-tread tire chain for cars. 
1914 Tsingtao, China, was bombarded as Japan declared war on 
 Germany in World War I. 
1939 Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union signed a 
 non-aggression treaty. 
1944 During World War II, Romanian prime minister Ion Antonescue 
 was dismissed. Soon after the country would abandon the Axis 
 and join the Allies, since they were now obviously winning. 
1944 Marseilles was captured by Allied troops during World War II. 
1952 The security pact of the Arab League went into effect. 
1959 In the Peanuts comic strip, Sally debuted as an infant. 
1962 The first live TV program was relayed between the U.S. and 
 Europe through the U.S. Telstar satellite. 
1982 The parliament of Lebanon elected Bashir Bemayel president. 
 He was assassinated three weeks later. 
1993 It was confirmed by Los Angeles police that Michael Jackson 
 was the subject of a criminal investigation. 
1996 U.S. President Clinton imposed limits on peddling cigarettes 
 to children. 
1998 Protestors in Sudan carried a sign that bore the resemblance 
 of Monica Lewinsky and the words "No War for Monika." The anti-U.S. 
 demonstration was in Khartoum, Sudan. 
1998 Boris Yeltsin dismissed the Russian government again. 
1999 Rescuers in Turkey found a young boy that had been buried 
 in rubble from an earthquake for about a week. 
1999 Robert Bogucki was rescued after getting lost in the Great 
 Sandy Desert of Australia on July 11. During the 43 day ordeal 
 Bogucki lost 44 pounds. 
2000 Richard Hatch was revealed as the winning castaway on CBS' 
 "Survivor." Hatch won $1,000,000 for his stay on the island of 
 Pulau Tida in the South China Sea. 
2014  smiled.


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Numeric keypad for laptop 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday,  August 22
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a New Mexico man who drove a hot cart to meet a probation officer Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1996 U.S. President Clinton signed legislation that ended guaranteed cash payments to the poor and demanded work from recipients. That did not last long.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable. --- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006) The closest to perfection anyone ever comes is when he or she fills out a job application form. --- Socratex
When the family car developed a slight knock, the husband asked his wife if she had bought premium or regular gas, but she couldn't remember. "You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for the engine running so rough." "No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly. "Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband probingly. "It cost the same as always." said the wife. "I told the man to put in the usual ten dollars worth."
Thanks to Dianne for this story: I feel inadequate when talking with a mechanic, so when my vehicle started making a strange noise, I sought help from a friend. He drove the car around the block, listened carefully, then told me how to explain the difficulty when I took it in for repair. At the shop I proudly recited, "The timing is off, and there are premature detonations, which may damage the valves." As I smugly glanced over the mechanic's shoulder, I saw him write on his clipboard, "Lady says it makes a funny noise."
Thanks to jean for sending this:

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Johnson, 18, Man Drives Hot Cart To Meet Probation Officer AUGUST 20 The 18-year-old New Mexico man was arrested Monday after allegedly driving a stolen Walmart electric shopping cart to a meeting with his probation officer. Johnson drove the hot cart to the Metropolitan Courthouse in Albuquerque. Johnson, whose rap sheet includes several arrests, is on probation for a conviction earlier this year. According to a criminal complaint, when Megan Cutler, Johnson’s probation officer, asked him where he got the shopping cart, he admitted to taking it from a Walmart about five miles from the courthouse. Johnson added that he “did not have permission to take the cart.” An Albuquerque Police Department officer subsequently contacted a Walmart official who said that the electric cart is worth $1845 and that the retailer wanted to press charges. Johnson was then arrested for larceny and receiving stolen property and booked into the Bernalillo County jail, where he remains locked up. The teenager is facing an additional charge for violating terms of his probation. He was arrested last year for battery against a household member and interference with communications. In May, he pleaded guilty to the latter count, which usually relates to somehow preventing a victim from contacting police. Johnson lives about 11 miles from the courthouse. The complaint does not reveal when he took the Walmart cart or how far he drove it to the courthouse. Tech Support Pits From: Helga Re: Numeric keys for laptop Dear Webby The numeric keypad keys on my laptop are dual-function keys embedded in the regular keyboard. It does have the numbers again on top, but I can't get any speed going with those. Is there a solution for that? Thanks Helga Yes, you can get numeric keypads quite cheaply. For example: V7, wired, $7 Targus wireless $22 If you go to a surveyors or engineering supply store, you can get thigh holsters for the wireless Targus. You have probably seen surveyors on the side of the road peering through their instruments and fingering something on their thigh. Most likely what you saw was that Targus wireless numeric keypad in a thigh holster. If your desk space is limited, or if you are using your lap as your desk, the thigh holster will also be really handy. You can get fantastic speed with one of them. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Purse with Shopping Bags I don't know if you have this problem, but I do. I try to use reusable grocery bags as much as possible, but I forget to bring them into the store! Same with my coupons and sometimes even my shopping list! The Solution: Now at home, I place my purse directly "into" one of my reusable, cloth grocery bags and add my coupons, list and key ring to a hook on the bag as well. Then I hang this bag by the door. Every time I get home, I immediately place my purse in that hanging bag and the keys on the ring. Now when I am going shopping, I bring the purse "still" in the bag with me to carry in to the store together. I can store or add additional folded bags in the bottom of that same bag (as well as coupons and shopping list in a little pocket on the front of the bag and bring it "all" into the store with me on shopping day! Once home and unpacked, I make sure to put them all back into that main bag along with my purse once again and place it back on its designated hook. By Donna [128] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

THEN…In walked a very stern looking English teacher and a hush fell over the room as the kids scurried to their seats. The stern teacher silently panned his gaze across all the kids. After about a minute or so, he spoke: "From the outset, I want you all to know that there are two words that are absolutely unacceptable in this classroom. You cannot use them as you recite, or in any of your papers, tests, or homework. Using these words even once, will get you a failing grade for that quarter. The first one is "gross". And the other one is "cool". Are there any questions?" After a few moments of silence, this gawky teen at the back of the room raises his hand, and the teacher calls upon him. In a pubescent croaking voice, the kid asks: "So, what are these gross and cool words?"
A hospital posted a notice in the nurses' break room saying: "Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the most dangerous." Underneath, a nurse had written: "The last five are pretty scary too."

» Farm Crops

Today in 
1485 The War of the Roses ended with the death of England's 
 King Richard III. He was killed in the Battle of Bosworth 
 Field. His successor was Henry V II. 
1567 The "Council of Blood" was established by the Duke of 
 Alba. This was the beginning of his reign of terror in 
 the Netherlands. 
1642 The English Civil War began when Charles I called 
 Parliament and its soldiers traitors. 
1770 Australia was claimed under the British crown when 
 Captain James Cook landed there. 
1775 The American colonies were proclaimed to be in a state 
 of open rebellion by England's King George III. 
1846 The U.S. annexed New Mexico. 
1851 The schooner America outraced the Aurora off the English 
 coast to win a trophy that became known as the America's Cup. 
1865 A patent for liquid soap was issued to William Sheppard. 
1906 The Victor Talking Machine Company of Camden, NJ began 
 to manufacture the Victrola. The hand-cranked unit, with 
 horn cabinet, sold for $200. 
1910 Japan formally annexed Korea. 
1911 It was announced that Leonardo da Vinci's "Mona Lisa" 
 had been stolen from the Louvre Museum in Paris. The 
 painting reappeared two years later in Italy. 
1932 The BBC (British Broadcasting Corporation) began its 
 first TV broadcast in England. 
1941 Nazi troops reached the outskirts of Leningrad during 
 World War II. 
1972 Due to its racial policies, Rhodesia was asked to 
 withdraw from the 20th Olympic Summer Games. 
1973 Henry Kissinger was named Secretary of State by U.S. 
 President Nixon. Kissinger won the Nobel Peace Prize in 
 the same year. 
1984 The last Volkswagen Rabbit rolled off the assembly 
 line in New Stanton, PA. 
1986 Kerr-McGee Corp. agreed to pay the estate of the late 
 Karen Silkwood $1.38 million to settle a 10-year-old 
 nuclear contamination lawsuit. 
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush signed an order for calling 
 reservists to aid in the build up of troops in the Persian Gulf. 
1990 The U.S. State Department announced that the U.S. Embassy 
 in Kuwait would not be closed under President Saddam 
 Hussein's demand. 
1990 Angry smokers blocked a street in Moscow to protest the 
 summer-long cigarette shortage. 
1991 Mikhail S. Gorbachev returned to Moscow after the 
 collapse of the hard-liners' coup. On the same day he purged 
 the men that had tried to oust him. 
1992 In Rostock, Germany, neo-Nazi violence broke out 
 against foreigners. 
1996 U.S. President Clinton signed legislation that ended 
 guaranteed cash payments to the poor and demanded work 
 from recipients. 
2004 In Oslo, Norway, a version of Edvard Munch's "The Scream" 
 and his work "Madonna" were stolen from the Munch Museum. 
 This version of "The Scream," one of four different versions, 
 was a tempera painting on board. 
2014  smiled.


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How long to keep your blacklist? 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, August 21

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Man arrested for murder in R.I. home invasion Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1923 In Kalamazoo, Michigan, an ordinance was passed forbidding dancers from gazing into the eyes of their partner.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. --- W. C. Fields (1880 - 1946)
The impish girl turned on the tractor and pushed the outhouse into the creek. Later, her father told her the story of George Washington chopping down his father's cherry tree but wasn't spanked because he had told the truth. The girl proudly announced, "I cannot tell a lie. I pushed the outhouse into the creek." He told her to bend over and the shocked child protested that George Washington had not been punished. The father replied, "Well, George's father wasn't IN the cherry tree when it got chopped down!"
>From Len I think the pilot on my last trip was pretty new to his job. I base that on his pre-flight announcement, 'We're going to be taking off in a few... OOOPS! Here we go!'


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rudy Chavez, 43, ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. Man arrested for murder in R.I. home invasion The man believed to be responsible for the shooting death of 26-year-old Richard Catalano in North Providence on Sunday has been arraigned at the hospital. 24-year-old Dari Max Garcia has been charged with first degree murder, 2 counts assault with a deadly weapon, burglary, assault with intent to commit a felony, and several firearms charges. Garcia has an extensive criminal record and has served time behind bars in the past. Garcia was arraigned on charges yesterday inside Rhode Island Hospital where he is being treated for a self inflicted gunshot wound. The incident happened just before midnight on Sunday when the suspect allegedly showed up at the Eliot Avenue attempting to gain access. When he entered he had a gun and struggled with the victim's mother and step father. During the struggle police say that Garcia bit Catalano's mother's finger off and shot her in the throat. Catalano was also shot and he was pronounced dead on the scene. Police say when they arrived Garcia attempted to kill himself and was unsuccessfull. He was brought to the hospital to be treated for injuries while in police custody. Catalano's mother is currently recovering from her injuries at Rhode Island Hospital. WPRI reports that Garcia has a "lengthy" criminal history, punctuated by an incident in February in which he was shot in the abdomen during an altercation with a police officer. He had just finished a two-year prison sentence for narcotics violations, and after the shooting he was charged with domestic assault and possession of heroin, among other charges. He is out on bail awaiting trial on those charges. Police are looking into whether the incident may be connected to a earlier incident involving a bogus shoe sale at an event at Brown University. Tech Support Pits From: Fanny Re: Blacklist size Dear Webby I noticed that the blacklist is getting quite huge. That must be slowing things down badly. What size would you call the maximum size? Thanks Fanny Dear Fanny What a nice and delightful name! Spammers never use the same address twice, unless they forge your name as the sender name. It is quite safe to age off the blacklist in three days. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Ice Scraper for Cleaning Using my favorite and best cooking pot, I put some green beans on to cook and went to the computer to check the weather while the strings beans were coming to a boil. While checking on the weather, I got distracted by something else that struck my interest and I completely forgot the green beans. Next thing I knew, the smoke alarm was blaring and the green beans were burned and stuck to the bottom of the pot. I tried all different methods to clean the pot and thought the Teflon finish was pitted and my pot ruined. Then, my husband suggested I try using the little plastic ice scraper I had stuck back in the "catch it all" drawer. It worked wonders and I was able to get my pot back in tip top shape. The finish on the pot was not harmed. By Litter Gitter [103] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A doctor said to his patient: "You have a slight heart con- dition, but I wouldn't worry about it." "Really, Doc?" the patient replied. "Well, if you had a slight heart condition I wouldn't worry about it either."
After trying a new shampoo for the first time. A guy fired off an enthusiastic letter of approval to the manufacturer. Several weeks later he came home from work to a large carton in the middle of the floor. Inside were free samples of the many products the company produced: soaps, detergents, tooth paste, and paper items. "Well, what do you think" his wife asked smiling. "Next time," he replied. "I'm writing to Mercedes!

» Farm Crops

Today in 
1680 The Pueblo Indians drove the Spanish out and took 
 possession of Santa Fe, NM. 
1831 Nat Turner, a former slave, led a violent insurrection 
 in Virginia. He was later executed. 
1841 A patent for venetian blinds was issued to John Hampton. 
1888 The adding machine was patented by William Burroughs. 
1923 In Kalamazoo, Michigan, an ordinance was passed 
 forbidding dancers from gazing into the eyes of their partner. 
1943 Japan evacuated the Aleutian island of Kiaska. Kiaska 
 had been the last North American foothold by the Japanese. 
1945 U.S. President Truman ended the Lend-Lease program that 
 had shipped about $50 billion in aid to America's Allies 
 during World War II. 
1959 Hawaii became the 50th state. U.S. President Eisenhower 
 also issued the order for the 50 star flag. 
1963 In South Vietnam, martial law was declared. Army troops 
and police began to crack down on the Buddhist anti-
 government protesters. 
1989 Voyager 2, a U.S. space probe, got close to the Neptune 
 moon called Triton. 
1991 The hard-line coup against Soviet President Mikhail 
 Gorbachev ended. The uprising that led to the collapse 
 was led by Russian federation President Boris Yeltsin. 
1993 NASA lost contact with the Mars Observer spacecraft. 
 The fate of the spacecraft was unknown. The mission cost 
 $980 million. 
1997 Hudson Foods Inc. closed a plant in Nebraska after it 
 had recalled 25 million pounds of ground beef that was 
 potentially contaminated with E. coli 01557:H7. It was 
 the largest food recall in U.S. history. 
1997 Afghanistan suspended its embassy operations in the 
 United States. 
2002 In Pakistan, President General Pervez Musharraf 
 unilaterally amended the Pakistani constitution. He 
 extended his term in office and granted himself powers 
 that included the right to dissolve parliament. 
2014  smiled.


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Identical spams to multiple addresses 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Wedenesday, August 20.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a a N.M. Robber who was caught after showering, and shaving in elderly victim's home. Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1985 The original Xerox 914 copier was presented to the Smithsonian Institute's Museum of American History. Chester Carlson was the man who invented the machine.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An expert is a person who avoids small errors as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy. --- Benjamin Stolberg The whole world is in revolt. Soon there will be only five Kings left--the King of England, the King of Spades, The King of Clubs, the King of Hearts, and the King of Diamonds. --- King Farouk of Egypt (1920 - 1965) "Hell begins the day God grants you the vision to see all you could have done, should have done and would have done -- but did not do." --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
I went to a medical clinic for an electrocardiogram. While the technician was lining up her machine, I told her I have dextrocardia. "What's that?" she asked. "It means my heart is on the right side of my chest rather than on the left," I answered. "You should set up your machine to accommodate that." As she attached the wires, she asked casually, "Tell me, have you had that for long?"
The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books. Willie came up to the teacher's desk and said, "Miss Francis, I ain't got no crayons." "Willie," Miss Francis said, "you mean, "I don't have any crayons. You don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons. They don't have any crayons. Do you see what I'm getting at?" "Not really," Willie said, "If nobody ain't got no crayons, then what happened to all them crayons that nobody ain't got?"


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rudy Chavez, 43, ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. Robber Caught After Showering, Shaving In Elderly Victim's Home Police say a suspect accused of robbing a 94-year-old Albuquerque, New Mexico, man was caught after he shaved and showered in the victim's home - and left behind his fingerprints. The Albuquerque Journal reports authorities said 43-year-old Rudy Chavez was arrested Saturday. According to a criminal complaint, Chavez held Glen Miller at gunpoint while Chavez showered, shaved, dressed in Miller's clothes, and then left with Miller's car, television and cash. The complaint says Chavez told Miller he was committing the robbery because he had just been released from prison and couldn't find work. Albuquerque Police Lt. Paul Szych said investigators identified Chavez through fingerprints on the shaver and a bottle of mouthwash. Chavez faces a number of charges including kidnapping. He is held on $100.000 cash bail. Tech Support Pits From: Eric Re: HAR* spam Dear Webby Lately I have received a lot of spam supposedly about HAR* and loans and similar topics, to all of my email addresses, and there are many of those. The letters seem to be identical. What's the story and how do I get them to stop? Eric Dear Eric Something you downloaded reported all of your email addresses to some hacker, who probably sold them to a bunch of spammers. Since you probably can't change your email addresses, the only alternative is to get decent spam control, like MailWasher. It will identify the spam and mark it for deleting. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Tops From Sticking to Bottles To keep tops from sticking on bottles of things such as finger nail polish, glue, or other adhesives, rub a very small amount of Vaseline around the ridges before replacing the top. By Ann Reese Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Ellen Needing to shed a few pounds, my husband and I went on a diet that had specific recipes for each meal of the day. I followed the instructions closely, dividing the finished recipe in half for our individual plates. We felt terrific and thought the diet was wonderful--we never even felt hungry! But when we realized we were gaining weight, not losing it, I checked the recipes again. There, in fine print, was: "Serves 6."
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?" The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license plate number!" "That's no help," Bubba replied, "I'm using the license plate I stole off the mayor's truck to cut down on the speeding tickets."

» Farm Crops

Today in 
1741 Danish navigator Vitus Jonas Bering discovered Alaska. 
1882 Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture" debuted in Moscow. 
1914 German forces occupied Brussels, Belgium, during WW I. 
1923 The first American dirigible, the "Shenandoah," was 
 launched in Lakehurst, NJ. The ship began its maiden voyage 
 from the same location on September 4. 
1940 France fell to the Germans during World War II. 
1953 It was announced by the Soviet Union that they had 
 detonated a hydrogen bomb. 
1955 In Morocco and Algeria hundreds of people were killed 
 in anti-French rioting. 
1968 The Soviet Union and other Warsaw Pact nations began 
 invading Czechoslovakia to crush the "Prague Spring"
1977 Voyager 2 was launched by the United States. The 
 spacecraft was carrying a 12 inch copper phonograph record 
 containing greetings in dozens of languages, samples of 
 music and sounds of nature. 
1985 The original Xerox 914 copier was presented to the 
 Smithsonian Institute's Museum of American History. Chester 
 Carlson was the man who invented the machine. 
1991 A rally of more than 100,000 people occurred outside 
 the Russian parliament building to protest the coup that 
 removed Gorbachev from power. 
1997 Britain began voluntary evacuation of its Caribbean 
 island of Montserrat due to the volcanic activity of the 
 Soufriere Hills. 
1998 Canada's Supreme Court announced that Quebec could 
 not secede without the federal government's consent. 
1998 U.S. military forces attacked a terrorist camp in 
 Afghanistan and a chemical plant in Sudan. Both targets 
 were chosen for cruise missile strikes due to their 
 connection with Osama bin Laden. 
1998 The U.N. Security Council extended trade sanctions 
 against Iraq for blocking arms inspections. 
2014  smiled.


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How to get McAfee onto a second or third machine 





Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, August 19.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Seattle Woman, 33, Arrested After "Humping" Lawn Chairs, Exposing Self Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1960 Two dogs were launched in a satellite into Earth's orbit by the Soviet Union.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane. --- Jimmy Buffett To be pleased with one's limits is a wretched state. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)
>From Tim One night at an economy motel, I ordered a 6 a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, I awoke before 6, but the phone did not ring until 6:30. "Good morning," a young man said sheepishly. "This is your wake-up call." Annoyed, I let the hotel worker have it. "You were supposed to call me at 6!", I complained. "What if I had a million-dollar deal to close this morning, and your oversight made me miss out on it?" "Well, sir," the desk clerk quickly replied, "if you had a million-dollar deal to close, you wouldn't be staying in this motel!"
Thanks to Sandie for these Call Center recordings: Customer: "I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?" Operator: "Where did you get that number, sir?" Customer: "It's on the door of your business." Operator: "Sir, those are the hours that we are open." ------------------------- Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe ) "If I register my car in France , and then take it to England , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?" ------------------------ Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?"


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sila Hans, 33, Seattle, WA Seattle Woman, 33, Arrested After "Humping" Lawn Chairs, Exposing Self A Washington woman who was wearing a short dress and no underwear is facing an indecent exposure charge after allegedly “humping” lawn chairs, exposing herself to a woman and two children, and urinating in public, according to police. Sila Hans, 33, was arrested earlier this month by cops responding to a report of “an intoxicated female exposing herself and urinating on the lawn” of a Seattle residence. A female witness told officers that Hans, seen above, “had come onto her lawn and was ‘humping’ the lawn chairs,” according to a Seattle Police Department report. The woman added that she and her two children--ages 15 and 11-- watched Hans’s late-afternoon performance from a window in their home. After grinding on the lawn chairs, Hans allegedly “exposed her vagina,” and then “smacked” her genitals “with her hand multiple times.” Additionally, the witnesses reported that Hans relieved herself on the lawn and “bent over and exposed her bottom.” Cops who confronted Hans reported that she was “extremely intoxicated” and “displaying erratic behavior.” She was “wearing a short dress with no underwear,” noted Officer Nicolas Olsen, who arrested Hans for indecent exposure. He probably double-checked and was quite sure that she had no underwear. Tech Support Pits From: Dwayne Re: Getting McAfee onto my second machine Dear Webby I tried to get my McAfee onto my second machine, but it wants my Serial number. More civilized programs show the license number when you hit Help/About, but McAfee is not amongst those. I tried to chat Customer Service, but the Taliban there took forever translating via Yahoo, and did not quite get it for a long time. Eventually she sent me to Tech Support, even though it is a customer service issue. Once somebody woke up there, they gave me a link to the shopping cart. DUH! The program is great, but their support sure isn't. How do I get the number? Dwayne Dear Dwayne First get your user name and password. You probabaly have it in your RoboForm. Skype it or somehow send it to Machine #2. Then, on Machine #2, go to https://home.mcafee.com/Secure/Protected/Login.aspx?ErrCode=PLEASE_LOGIN Log in with your user name and password. Then you can download McAfee and install it. It even tells you your serial number, that the Taliban could not give you. From there on it is clear sailing. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hot Thighs Better than Hot Wings Buy a family pack of chicken thighs. Slice a 1/2 inch filet from each side of thigh, leaving the bone-in piece. This yields three finger-dipping size of meaty pieces. Roll in hot wing rub. Place in oven at 350 degrees F for 30 minutes or deep fry until crispy and done. Approximate Time: 30 minutes Yield: 3 per thigh By Avis [10] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Rosie The "BUT FIRST" Syndrome. We all have it. You decide to do the laundry. So you start down the stairs with the laundry, but then you see the newspapers on the table. OK, you'll do the laundry......... BUT FIRST you decide to put the newspapers away. On your way to put the newspapers away, you notice the mail on the table. OK, you'll put the newspapers away........ BUT FIRST you'll pay that bill that needs to be paid. You look for the checkbook. Oops... there's the baby's bottle from yesterday on the floor. OK, you'll pay the bill........ BUT FIRST you need to put the bottle in the sink. You head for the kitchen. There's the remote for the TV. What's it doing in here? OK, you'll put the bottle in the sink..... BUT FIRST you need to put the remote away. Head for the TV room. Aaagh!!! stepped on the cat! Cat needs to be fed. OK, you'll put the remote away... BUT FIRST you need to feed the cat. At the end of the day...... The laundry is not done; newspapers are still on the floor; baby's bottle is on the table; bills are still unpaid; checkbook is still lost; cat ate the remote control....... And when you stop to figure out how come nothing got done all day, you are baffled because......you know you were busy ALL DAY!!
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO... I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

» Chocolate B.C.

Today in 
1812 "Old Ironsides" (the USS Constitution) won a battle 
 against the British frigate Guerriere east of Nova Scotia. 
1848 The discovery of gold in California was reported by 
 the New York Herald. 
1856 Gail Borden received a patent for his process of 
 condensing milk by vacuum. 
1909 The first car race to be run on brick occurred at the 
 Indianapolis Motor Speedway. 
1919 Afghanistan gained independence from Britain. 
1929 "Amos and Andy," the radio comedy program, made its 
 debut on NBC starring Freeman Gosden and Charles Correll. 
1934 Adolf Hitler was approved for sole executive power in 
 Germany as Fuehrer. 
1940 The new Civil Aeronautics Administration awarded honorary 
 license #1 to Orville Wright. 
1942 About 6,000 Canadian and British soldiers launched a raid 
 against the Germans at Dieppe, France. They suffered about 
 50 percent casualties. 
1960 Francis Gary Powers, an American U-2 pilot, was convicted 
 of espionage in Moscow. 
1960 Two dogs were launched in a satellite into Earth's orbit 
 by the Soviet Union. 
1974 During an anti-American protest in Nicosia, Cyprus, U.S. 
 Ambassador Rodger P. Davies was fatally wounded by a bullet 
 while in the American embassy. 
1981 Two Libyan SU-22s were shot down by two U.S. Navy F-14 
 fighters in the Gulf of Sidra. 
1998 The first piece of the 351 foot bronze statue of 
 Christopher Columbus arrived in San Juan, Puerto Rico. 
1999 In Belgrade, thousands of Serbs attended a rally to 
 demand the resignation of Yugoslavia's President 
 Slobodan Milosevic. 
2004 Google Inc. stock began selling on the Nasdaq Stock 
 Market. The initial price was set at $85 and ended the day 
 at $100.34 with more than 22 million shares traded.
2014  smiled.


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Get rid of yaimo 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, August 18.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Woman who poisoned roommates after they caught her having sex with their dog Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1920 Tennessee ratified the 19th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. The Amendment guaranteed the right of all American women to vote.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
There are two kinds of light--the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures. --- James Thurber (1894 - 1961) I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. --- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
The census taker knocked on Donna's door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age. "But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said. "Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she asked. "Certainly," he replied "Well, I'm the same age as they are," she snapped. "As old as the Hills," he intoned as he wrote on his form.
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC! Boost Computer Speed Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows® Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

Thanks to Tim for this story: A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at a speed of at least 30mph for it to start. She said fine, hopped into her old 5 ton Caddillac and drove off. I sat there fuming, wondering what she could be doing. A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 40 mph, I realized that I should have been a bit clearer with my directions.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shari Walters, 53, Albuquerque, NM Woman poisoned roommates after they caught her having sex with their dog Police say a New Mexico woman who was arrested for allegedly poisoning her roommates admitted that she did so because they caught her having sex with their dogs. Shari Walters, 53, was arrested Wednesday in Albuquerque after her roommates told Bernalillo County Sheriff’s deputies that she'd admitted putting rubbing alcohol and toilet bowl cleaner in their food. They said that the alleged poisoning occurred two weeks ago, the evening after her female roommate, Beverly Bradley, allegedly discovered Walters "lying nude in a backyard shed with her German shepherd, Spike," according to Raw Story. She confessed it wasn't the first time. According to the Albuquerque Journal, Walters said she'd been having sex with dogs since she was 14. KOAT reports: After the encounter, the complaint says, Walters admitted to having sex with both her roommates’ dogs. Walters was dating a male roommate and, according to the complaint, he broke up with her. During dinner the night after the incident, both roommates noticed that their food tasted weird, and said Walters encouraged them to eat. When they confronted her, Walters allegedly said that she'd "stop trying to kill [them] if Jeffrey would be with her," according to KOAT. Jeffrey is Beverly Bradley's brother and other roommate. "That's psycho to me. I don't understand it," Beverly Bradley told the station. Walters was taken to a hospital for psychiatric evaluation and then booked in Metropolitan Detention Center on charges including aggravated battery, cruelty or extreme cruelty to animals, and assault with intent to commit a violent felony. Tech Support Pits From: Dianne Re: My browsers go to Yaimo Dear Webby My browser defaults to yaimo, no matter how often I change the HOME page back to mine. And everything is slowed down. How can I fix that? I have Superantispyware, but that is no help. Dianne Dear Dianne That is nasty crap! You probably got it as a "Free Bonus" hidden on page 27 of the user agreement of some cutesy program you downloaded from Cnet or some similar place full of ads trying to sidetrack you into clicking on the wrong link. Yes, Superantispyware won't touch it, neither will 99% of the programs, that claim they would. AnviSoft and Regcure are some that I remember being a big waste of time. They might possibly be useful for something else, but did not help in getting rid of yaimo. Usually yaimo opens a back door for even more malicious and more dangerous stuff. MalwareBytes will get rid of most of that, and trim yaimo down to a harmless browser nuisance, that changes the home page and the chosen search engine. Pretty well all reputable instructions for getting rid of yaimo INCLUDE running Malwarebytes as one of the first steps involved. A good method is at im-infected.com Keep in mind, no matter which programs and methods you use, it is going to be tedious and time consuming. Good Luck! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from
Thriftyfun.com No More Paper Products! This was something that put more money in our pockets instantly! We stopped using napkins and paper towels. We were spending at least $5.00 a week just to wipe our mouths and clean our house. Every week, my cart would be loaded with another round of paper products. Every week, I kept thinking "there has got be a better way!" And there is! For napkins at mealtime, we use cotton cloths that I crochet. You can whip up at least two from a $1.47 ball of cotton yarn at your local chain store. I use my kids' favorite colors so they can use them for an entire day and not get them mixed up before throwing in the wash. Or, simply use a value pack of inexpensive washcloths that can be purchased for a mere $4.00 at Walmart! As far as paper towel substitutes, I simply cut up our old t-shirts, sweat-pants, etc. They work like a charm for windows, mirrors and bathrooms. Saves the environment, space in my shopping cart, and money in my wallet. I can't believe I didn't do this years ago! :) By melissa [1] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Thanks to Sandie for this one: A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin". "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times.?" "Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. "Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me. "Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. "Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. "Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method. "Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. "Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it. "Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it. "Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it. "Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was. .......... God I miss him. "But now that I've married you, I'm so excited". "Wonderful", said the husband, "but why? "Your're with the "GOVERNMENT"... This time I KNOW I'm gonna get SCR....D."
A man went into the proctologist's office for his first exam. The doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes. Well, when the man sat down in the examination room, he noticed that there were three items on a stand next to the doctor's desk: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer. When the doctor came in, the man said, "Look Doc, this is my first exam.. I know what the K-Y is for... and I know what the glove is for... but what's the BEER for?" At this instant, the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, "Dammit, nurse!!! I said a BUTT LIGHT!!!"

» Chocolate B.C.

Today in 
1227 The Mongol conqueror Ghengis Khan died. 
1587 Virginia Dare became the first child to be born on 
American soil of English parents. The colony that is now 
Roanoke Island, NC, mysteriously vanished. 
1894 The Bureau of Immigration was established by the 
 U.S. Congress. 
1914 The "Proclamation of Neutrality" was issued by U.S. 
 President Woodrow Wilson. It was aimed at keeping the U.S. 
 out of World War I, but England persuaded the US to 
 participate and boost the economy. 
1920 Tennessee ratified the 19th Amendment to the U.S. 
 Constitution. The Amendment guaranteed the right of all 
 American women to vote. 
1937 The first FM radio construction permit was issued in 
 Boston, MA. The station went on the air two years later. 
1938 The Thousand Islands Bridge was dedicated by U.S. 
 President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The bridge connects 
 the U.S. and Canada. 
1940 Canada and the U.S. established a joint defense plan 
 against the possible enemy attacks during World War II. 
 Hitler was too dumb to realize, that the deck was already
 stacked agaisnt him.
1958 Vladimir Nabokov's novel "Lolita" was published. 
1966 The first pictures of earth taken from moon orbit were 
 sent back to the U.S. 
1990 The first shots were fired by the U.S. in the Persian 
 Gulf Crisis when a U.S. frigate fired rounds across the 
 bow of an Iraqi oil tanker. 
1991 An unsuccessful coup was attempted in against President 
 Mikhail S. Gorbachev. The Soviet hard-liners were responsible. 
 Gorbechev and his family were effectively imprisoned for 
 three days while vacationing in Crimea. 
1998 Mrs. Field's Original Cookies announced that they would 
 acquire the Great American Cookie Co. 
2014  smiled.


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Can Open Office handle Microsoft Office files? 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, August 17.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Arkansas teacher who got caught messing with a 13 year old and leaving a trail of naked pictures on Snapchat Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1807 Robert Fulton's "North River Steam Boat" (known as the "Clermont") began heading up New York's Hudson River on its successful round-trip to Albany.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The phrase "action speaks louder than words," is most easily proven by a swift kick to the genitals. --- Devin J. Monroe (1983 -
Thanks to Susan for this story: After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up not talking to each other for days. Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his shirts was. "Oh," I said, "So now you're speaking to me." He looked confused, "What are you talking about?" "Haven't you noticed I haven't spoken to you for three days?" I challenged. "No," he said, "I just thought we were getting along."
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC! Boost Computer Speed Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows® Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to give their escorts every chance to be gallant. She said, "Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step around and open the door for you." Then, returning to reality, she added, "But, if the guy is in the restaurant flirting at the waitress, don't wait any longer."
Thanks to Jean for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by William An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mary Faith McCormick, Arkansas teacher who got caught messing with a 13 year old and leaving a trail of naked pictures on Snapchat A sixth-grade teacher in the rural northwest corner of Arkansas was arrested on Wednesday and charged with having multiple sexual encounters with a 13-year-old boy. The teacher is 32-year-old Mary Faith McCormick, reports local CBS affiliate KFSM. She is a sixth-grade teacher at Siloam Springs Intermediate School. Local police, who began investigating last week after receiving a few anonymous reports, say the forbidden love began on a dare. Specifically, one of the unnamed 13-year-old boy’s friends dared the kid to call McCormick. One thing led to another, and the 19 years separating McCormick and the student proved to be no physical barrier. One of the trysts occurred after the boy and a friend took in a movie at McCormick’s residence. (It’s not clear if it was the same friend who proposed the dare.) Like a good wingman, the friend left after the flick was over. McCormick and her 13-year-old lover then allegedly had sex. There’s also the very impressive trail of Snapchat messages, which includes nude photographs and much raunchiness. A police investigation of McCormick’s Snapchat account uncovered a treasure trove of photos and videos related to the affair. A 12-year-old female friend of the 13-year-old boy came across one of the Snapchat sessions when she was using the boy’s phone, and as girls always do, snooped around. Among the messages was a photo of McCormick wearing just a towel. Another photo shows a pair of breasts that police believe belong to McCormick — but investigators say they can’t be sure until they can get her to s trip for them. An unidentified witness told police about a photo of McCormick — with wet hair and breasts mostly bare — and text reading. “I’m not dirty anymore,” according to the KFSM. The CBS affiliate notes that McCormick is currently married and has a daughter. Her father is a teacher in the local school district. The full, three-page arrest affidavit has been made publicly available by the station. Highlights include the 13-year-old boy telling police that he used Snapchat to send McCormick a picture of “his ‘boner.’” The 12-year-old girl who borrowed the phone said she recalled a message on the photo-messaging application from McCormick to the 13-year-old that read “I want to climb your cock,” or something similar. Also, the 13-year-old boy told police that McCormick had picked him up in her car just a couple weeks ago and drove him to a plot of land “where she is building her new house.” The teen then fondly reconstructed the events that transpired by explaining that McCormick was “sucking his dick.” McCormick faces at least one felony rape count. She was released from jail on Thursday after posting bond of $50,000. School district officials have suspended her with pay. Tech Support Pits From: Irene Re: Can Open Office open MS Office files? Dear Webby I have a lot of files that I wrote at work over the years with the MS Office we have there. Yeah, I know, naughty, naughty! The problem is, now that I am retired, I had to get my own computer, but there is no way I am going to pay the outrageous price for MS Office. I uploaded all my stuff to DropBox, and can retrieve it from there. Actually, I have already downloaded most of it. Can I open those MS Weird and MS Excel files with Open Office? Thanks Irene Dear Irene Yes, sure. You can open and edit them with Open Office, and even save them back into Microsoft format, or into Open Office format. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Coin Purse for Broken Keyless Remote My keychain/car remote broke. The small end that had a hole that allowed the metal ring to loop through it broke so I couldn't hook the key ring to the remote anymore. They are EXPENSIVE to replace and I wanted the convenience of the remote and the keys hooked together. I thought about the shape and rummaged through my 'junk drawer' for an old plastic coin purse that my kids used to use. If you squeeze the ends, it opens to put coins OR to put my remote in there! I am sure they are in dollar stores everywhere. It fit great over the entire remote and I could hook my keys to it again. Just a little thing to make my life easier and I've used it happily every since! By Donna [126] You can also take an old key, lay it on the back of the remote, so that the eyelet sticks out beyond it, and mark where the battery door is. Saw it off there. They are brass and easy sawing. Cover the battery door with some tape and epoxy the key onto the back, and you will have a much sturdier eyelet than the original plastic. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

From Nanarina Did you know these connections? ABC News executive producer Ian Cameron is married to Susan Rice, National Security Adviser. CBS President David Rhodes is the brother of Ben Rhodes, Obama’s Deputy National Security Adviser for Strategic Communications. ABC News correspondent Claire Shipman is married to Whitehouse Press Secretary Jay Carney ABC News and Univision reporter Matthew Jaffe is married to Katie Hogan, Obama’s Deputy Press Secretary ABC President Ben Sherwood is the brother of Obama’s Special Adviser Elizabeth Sherwood CNN President Virginia Moseley is married to former Hillary Clinton’s Deputy Secretary Tom Nides. ------------- Not a joke, but rather funny anyway.
A middle aged man wasn't feeling well, so he went to the doctor for a check up. After a thorough examination, the doctor said, "Well, based on my examination, the best thing for you is to cut out all sweets and fatty foods, give up alcohol, and stop smoking." The man said, "Well, to be honest with you Doc, I don't deserve the best. What's the second best?"

» Puppy Power

Today in 
1790 The capital city of the U.S. moved to Philadelphia 
 from New York City. 
1807 Robert Fulton's "North River Steam Boat" (known as 
 the "Clermont") began heading up New York's Hudson River 
 on its successful round-trip to Albany. 
1815 Napoleon began serving his exile when he arrived at 
 the island of St. Helena. 
1859 A hot air balloon was used to carry mail for the first 
 time. John Wise left Lafayette, IN, for New York City with 
 100 letters. He had to land after only 27 miles. 
1863 Federal batteries and ships bombarded Fort Sumter in 
 Charleston, SC, harbor during the Civil War. 
1896 The Klondike gold rush was set off by George Carmack 
 discovering gold on Rabbit Creek in the Yukon. 
1903 Joseph Pulitzer donated a million dollars to Columbia 
 University. This started the Pulitzer Prizes in his name. 
1915 Charles F. Kettering received a patent for an 
 electric ignition device like the ones used in cars for 
 20 years. 
1943 The Allied conquest of Sicily was completed as U.S. 
 and British forces entered Messina. 
1945 The nationalists of Indonesia declared their 
 independence from the Netherlands. 
1961 The Communist East German government completed the 
 construction of the Berlin Wall. 
1978 Maxie Anderson, Ben Abruzzo and Larry Newman became 
 the first to land after a successful trans-Atlantic balloon 
 flight. The voyage began in Presque Isle, ME and ended in 
 Miserey, France. 
1982 The U.S. Senate approved an immigration bill that granted 
 permanent resident status to illegal aliens who had arrived 
 in the United States before 1977. 
1985 A year-long strike began when 1,400 Geo. A. Hormel and Co. 
 meat packers walked off the job. 
1992 Woody Allen admitted to being romantically involved with 
 Soon-Yi Previn. The girl was the adopted daughter of Mia 
 Farrow, Allen's longtime companion. 
1996 A military cargo plane crashed in Wyoming killing eight 
 crewmembers and a Secret Service employee. The plane was 
 carrying gear for U.S. President Clinton. 
1998 U.S. President Clinton admitted to having an improper 
 relationship with Monica Lewinsky, a White House intern. 
1998 NationsBank and BankAmerica merge to create the largest 
 U.S. bank. 
1998 Russia devalued the ruble. 
2014  smiled.


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What is the difference between spoof and spam? 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday,  August 16.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Hawaiian 19-Year-Old 'Mastermind' who robbed 3 banks, got a root canal, bragged on Facebook, with picture Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1960 Cyprus was granted independence by Britain.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages. --- William H. Mauldin (1921 - 2003) A waist is a terrible thing to mind. --- Jane Caminos
A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC! Boost Computer Speed Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows® Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

I was a Bible seller a few years ago when I was down on my luck a bit. Trying to sell Bibles on the corner was tough and I wasn't doing too well when this young fellow with a really bad stutter came up to me and said, "Wha wha what are you, you, try try trying to s s s sell?" I said I'm selling Bibles and I'm not doing too well. Well with that he made me an offer I couldn't refuse. "C c c can I t t ttake a couple and s s s sell them them d d door to d d door for you?" he asked. So I gave him three Bibles and he was off, but only for twenty minutes and he was back cash in hand, amazing! So with no hesitation he was off with six more, and again about half an hour later, all gone! Incredible, too good to be true, so I thought I'd follow him and see what his secret was! He tapped on the door of his next house and I heard him say to the householder,"W ww wo wou would you you you li li li like t t t to b b b buy a B B BIble or would y y y you you you li li li like like m m me t t t ta read it t t to you?!!
Thanks to Janina for this picture from her garden: Click on the picture for the large version Dear WEbby, Hope you enjoy this photo I caught in my garden this afternoon. Thanks for always sharing a great humor letter and so much useful information. I hope you continue to feel better and wish you all the best! Janina from NJ
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Helen An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Marcus Kalani Watson, also known as Kiki Seui, 19, Oahu, HI Hawaiian 19-Year-Old 'Mastermind' who robbed 3 banks, got a root canal, bragged on Facebook, with picture A 19-year-old mastermind of armed robberies at a recycling center and three Oahu banks used part of the nearly $41,000 stolen on dental work, according to an FBI affidavit filed in federal court. Marcus Kalani Watson, also known as Kiki Seui, pointed a pistol at the chest of a Reynolds Recycling worker and threatened to shoot him after the worker threw cash on the ground during the April 22 robbery, court documents show an informant told the FBI. Two days later, Watson posted a photo of himself on Facebook holding a large amount of cash, the FBI said. The worker "was the one acting tough," Watson told the informant, according to the FBI. "He almost got shot right in the chest . . . I cocked the gun. I aimed it right at him." Watson also is accused of holding up tellers at the Wahiawa branch of Central Pacific Bank and the Pearlridge and Salt Lake branches of American Savings Bank in May. The FBI said Rogussia Eddie Allen Danielson, 19, was involved in the American Savings Bank robberies, while AJ Williander, 18, was the getaway driver in the Pearlridge branch robbery. Tech Support Pits From: Don Re: Is spoof and spam the same? Dear Webby Is " spoof " and " spam " the same thing ? Thanks for writing a great newsletter Don, " The Big Guy " Dear Don Spam is just junkmail, for example some idiot trying to sell you breast enlargement pills or snake oil fuel enhancers, or similar useless stuff. A spoof is a malicious spam, for example those phony eBay and PayPal notices, that try to con you into donating your user name and password, or phony postcard pick-up notices from unidentified senders like "a classmate" or "a worshipper". Those infect your computer with a virus if you click on them. If you don't have MailWasher, then reveal the headers on anything the slightest bit suspicious and get the hang of reading the gobbledigook in the header. If the link underlying the phoney PayPal link is some long and weird Url, then dump it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy Camping Firestarters My son used to be in Boy Scouts and they loved to make a fire at night during the summer. For fire starters, we took the cardboard from toilet paper and taped one end shut. Then he filled the tube up with dryer lint and taped the end shut. When starting a fire, put a few in the fire for fire starters. The log catches quick and the fire soon spreads to the wood. It makes a little smoke when burned, so throw a few in the fire when the bugs come out and the smoke chases them away. By Kathy Lynn [2] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Tower: "Alpha Charlie, climb immediately to four thousand feet for noise abatement." Pilot: "How can I possibly be creating excess noise at three thousand feet?" Tower: "At four thousand feet, you will miss that ugly helicopter ahead of you. They make a big racket when you hit them."
Old man Zack had an incredible mule. They had been together for years and stayed pretty much to themselves. One day, Zack and his mule were walking down the road when a passerby asked if Zack needed a ride to town. Zack accepted the offer and the driver asked, "What about your mule?" Zack said, "Oh, don't worry about him. He'll keep up." Then Zack got into the truck while his mule ran along behind. The driver was a little cruel and decided to speed up a little. The mule was right in back of them as they reached 55 mph. The driver accelerated and the mule and stayed with them. They reached 70 miles per hour and the mule was still right behind them. The driver couldn't believe this. He turned to Zack and said, "I'm worried about your mule. His tongue is hanging out." Zack said, "Which way?" The driver said, "Left." And Zack said, "Well, stay in this lane, he's about to pass."

» Puppy Power

Today in 
1777 During the American Revolutionary War, the Battle of 
 Bennington took place. New England's minutemen routed the 
 British regulars. 
1812 Detroit fell to Indian and British troops in the War 
 of 1812. 
1858 A telegraphed message from Britain's Queen Victoria to 
 U.S. President Buchanan was transmitted over the recently 
 laid trans-Atlantic cable. 
1861 U.S. President Lincoln prohibited the Union states 
 from trading with the states of the Confederacy.
1923 Carnegie Steel Corporation put into place the eight
 hour workday for its employees. 
1960 Cyprus was granted independence by Britain. 
1960 The free-fall world record was set by Joseph Kittinger. 
 He fell more than 16 miles (about 84,000 feet) before 
 opening his parachute over New Mexico. 
1978 Xerox was fined for excluding Smith-Corona Mfg. from 
 the copier market. The fine was $25.6 million. 
1995 Voters in Bermuda rejected independence from 
 Great Britain. 
1999 In Russia, Vladimir V. Putin was confirmed as prime 
 minister by the lower house of parliament. 


2014  smiled.


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How to make Gmail filters 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday,  August 15
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Floriduh duo busted for x-rated romp in parking lot Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1057 Macbeth, the King of Scotland, was killed by the son of King Duncan.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history. --- Dan Quayle (1947 - )
Thanks to Liz for his story: To confirm her suspicions, my sister needed to purchase a pregnancy test kit. Since I was going to the pharmacy, she asked me to pick one up. I didn't stop to think how I appeared to the clerk when I waddled up nine months pregnant to pay for the kit. "Honey," she said, "I can save you $15 right now. You're definitely going to have a baby."
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>From Lorraine On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great- grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living. I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free pro- fessional advice. Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Helen An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to April Newcomb, 42, and Brandon Tinyes, 20, Bradenton, Floriduh Floriduh duo busted for x-rated romp in parking lot AUGUST 13--A Florida woman who once was busted for cheering on her teenage daughter during a videotaped brawl with a classmate was arrested yesterday after cops spotted her having sex with a 20-year-old man while standing outside a pickup truck parked in front of a Beef ‘O’ Brady’s restaurant. Responding to a 6 PM report of “two individuals engaging in sexual activity on the side of a red pickup truck,” cops discovered April Newcomb, 42, and Brandon Tinyes,20 , trysting. The couple was standing next to the open driver’s side door of a “red pickup truck with the tailgate down and both doors open.” The parking lot was “full of foot travel by people.” Apparently it got too hot inside the parked truck. As detailed in an explicit Manatee County Sheriff’s Office report, a deputy spotted Tinyes “thrusting his hip back and forth” while the “moaning” Newcomb’s legs were wrapped around him. Newcomb and Tinyes were both naked from the waist down and had their genitals exposed, according to the report. After Tinyes “moved away from between” Newcomb’s legs, the pair explained that “they were friends and having sex.” Newcomb and Tinyes (pictured above) were arrested for lewd and lascivious behavior and exposure of sexual organs, both misdemeanors. Newcomb, a Bradenton resident, remains locked up in the county jail on $620 bond. Tinyes, who was also hit with a marijuana possession count, bailed out of custody earlier today. Newcomb was previously in the news in September 2010, when she was arrested for felony child abuse after she was seen on YouTube videos loudly encouraging her daughter to fight another teenager (a still from one of those videos is below). One video shows Newcomb, serving as her child’s corner man, yelling, “Don’t fucking stop” and “Punch her in the fucking body.” I remember considering her for a bonehead award, but at that time she got beat out by an even dumber crook. Tech Support Pits From: Janice Re: Gmail filters Dear Webby You have mentioned Gmail filters, but I never paid attention. Now that HAR* spam is going on my nerves. Can you please tell us again how to make filters? Thanks Janice Dear Janice Type the common search criteria into the search on top of Gmail. Pull down the little arrow on the right of the search and fine-tune the search. For example put "Harper" into the "Doesn't have" field. Yes, they finally added at least one Boolean field. Not like the 16 in MailWasher, but even one is a help. Then at the right bottom of that is a link to make a filter with that info. In the next window you specify what is to be done with the found stuff, for example "Delete it". Don't forget to put a checkmark at the bottom into "Also apply to matching conversations" That's snooty yuppy talk for "Stuff already found in your account, not just stuff, that might show up in the future". After you hit make this filter, it will take some time, but eventually your inbox will be updated without the obnoxious Har* crap. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Using An Iron For Candle Wax Cleanup I always do the same thing no matter where the wax has dripped; once on expensive (not mine) speakers. Let the iron heat up to a medium/light setting and have many paper towels (or paper bags ripped into squares) ready. You put down the paper or paper bag then place the iron on the spot. As soon as you see the paper (bag) getting a wet look to it remove it. Do the same thing over again and again until it's all removed. It works on wood, fabric, even walls (that you can't scrape). I have only once had a color stain left. That time I used a baking soda mixture to remove the small reddish stain left behind. Sometimes the easy things seem too simple, but try it. I have never had it fail. Make sure you don't let too much absorb at once, keep replacing the paper towels. The time I didn't have paper towels was when I cut a grocery brown bag up into squares and it worked also. Good luck! By Luana M. from San Diego, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

The Boy Scouts were out collecting bottles for a fund raising activity. One ambitious young man knocked on a door and a sour-faced, older lady came to the door and barked out, "What do you want, Sonny?" "D-d-do you have any beer bottles for the Boy Scouts, ma'am?" "Look here, young man, do I look like the kind of lady who would drink beer?" replied the lady. "S-s-sorry, Ma'am," was his reply. "W-w-what about vinegar bottles?"
>From Ashton I had an offer from a large company and they offered to fly me out to the meeting on business class. During the return flight we were given gourmet brownies and cookies. Not hungry, I decided to save them for later, so I placed them in a sick bag. After the plane landed I got up to leave and a stewardess approached me. "Sir, would you like for me to dispose of that for you?" I said, "No thanks, I'm saving it for my kids."

» Puppy Power

Today in 
1057 Macbeth, the King of Scotland, was killed by the son 
 of King Duncan. 
1848 The dental chair was patented by M. Waldo Hanchett. 
1877 Thomas Edison wrote to the president of the Telegraph 
 Company in Pittsburgh, PA. The letter stated that the word, 
 "hello" would be a more appropriate greeting than "ahoy" 
 when answering the telephone. 
1911 The product Crisco was introduced by Procter & Gamble 
1914 The Panama Canal was officially opened to commercial 
 traffic as an American ship sailed from the Atlantic to 
 the Pacific Ocean. 
1918 Diplomatic ties between the U.S. and Russia were 
 severed. 
1943 Because of his special talent to use food scraps 
 in both unusual and appetizing recipes, the U.S. War 
 Department awarded Sgt. Edward Dzuba the Legion of Merit. 
1944 The Allied forces of World War II landed in southern 
 France. 
1947 India became independent from Britain and was divided 
 into the countries of India and Pakistan. India had been 
 under British about 200 years. 
1948 The Republic of Korea was proclaimed. 
1949 In San Francisco, a stunt leap off the Golden Gate 
 Bridge was performed for the first time. 
1961 East German workers began construction of Berlin Wall. 
1971 U.S. President Nixon announced a 90-day freeze on wages, 
 rents and prices. 
1986 The U.S. Senate approved a package of economic sanctions 
 against South Africa. The ban included the importing of steel, 
 uranium, textiles, coal, and produce from South Africa. 
1997 The U.S. Justice Department decided not to prosecute FBI 
 officials in connection with the deadly 1992 Ruby Ridge siege 
 in Idaho. The investigation dealt with an alleged cover-up. 
2001 Astronomers announced the discovery of the first solar 
 system outside our own. They had discovered two planets 
 orbiting a star in the Big Dipper. 
2014  smiled.


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Forwarding movies 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, August 14

Thank you, Nancy!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a NC burglar caught draggiing safe through town Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1953 The whiffle ball was invented.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You cannot make a man by standing a sheep on its hind legs. But by standing a flock of sheep in that position you can make a crowd of men. --- Max Beerbohm (1872 - 1956)
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him, he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man said, "No problem." With that, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair... try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair of false teeth... try them." The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker."
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Amy and Jamie are Old Friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long time. Amy is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore. "As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Amy cries. "I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day." replies Jamie. "Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!"
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Reported by Helen An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ryan James Mullins, 22, Swansboro, NC Burglar caught dragging safe behind truck A Swansboro man is accused of stealing a safe from a drug store during an early-morning break-in. Police say 22-year-old Ryan James Mullins was dragging the safe when he was caught Tuesday. He's charged with safecracking, breaking and entering, larceny after breaking and entering, possession of stolen goods, trafficking of opium or heroin and several traffic violations. Officers responding to an alarm say they found Mullins driving down a road towing the safe. The safe in the incident was about 8 feet tall and about 2 feet deep and was used to hold medications, according to Public Safety Chief Bob Ritchie. It's believed that Mullins was trying to get controlled substances from the safe. That must have woken up half of Swansboro! Remember the sound of students dragging dumpsters filled with drunk youngsters around town during spring break celebrations? That safe must have made a similar racket. Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Forwarding movies Good morning, Dude! Another question for you. Ophelia sometimes has these video clips that I would like to copy to send to friends but I have had no luck figuring out how. Help!? Thanks again....you're the greatest! Jim Dear Jim Why not just send them the URL to her newsletter or her Blog archive? Even if you manage to save them and get them to work on your machine, which can be very tricky, it is a big gamble whether they will work on your buddy's machine. In her blog scroll to the bottom of THAT day, and click on the tiny PERMA-LINK link. That gives you a URL, that goes straight to that day, even if it is from years ago. With any luck your buddy will sign up and make her day. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Blanket Curtain Without Sewing This blanket was the perfect size, color, and price to cover my closet. But my sewing machine is in storage so... I got 10 binder clips and a package of shower curtain rings from the dollar store, and made them work. Now that I have done this, I can advise you to use something just a bit thinner for the rings. I couldn't get them through, but one of the loops to click them. So anything would work; bigger key rings, etc. Looks nice, huh? Total cost: $2.95. N-JOY! By Sandi/Poor But Proud [397] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

SCIENCE: BREAD IS DANGEROUS 1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users. 2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread- consuming households score below average on standardized tests. 3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations. 4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread. 5. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat, begged for bread after as little as two days. 6. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cream cheese. 7. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey, bread-pudding person. 8. Newborn babies can choke on bread. 9. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 450 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than two minutes. 10. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless AlGorian statistical babbling.
A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale sucking in his stomach. Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, "I don't think that's going to help" "Sure it does, " he says, "it's the only way I can see the numbers."

» Puppy Power

Today in 
1248 The rebuilding of the Cologne Cathedral in Cologne, 
 Germany, began after being destroyed by fire. 
1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tunis was signed 
 on board the USS Constitution. 
1848 The Oregon Territory was established. 
1880 The Cologne Cathedral in Cologne, Germany was completed 
 after 632 years of rebuilding. 
1888 A patent for the electric meter was granted to Oliver 
 B. Shallenberger. 
1896 Gold was discovered in Canada's Yukon Territory. Within 
 the next year more than 30,000 people rushed to the area 
 to look for gold. 
1900 An international force, consisting of eight nations, 
 lifted the siege of Peking. It was the end to the Boxer 
 Rebellion, which was aimed at purging China of foreigners. 
1917 China declared war on Germany and Austria during 
 World War I. 
1919 About 1 million tons of ice and rock broke off of a 
 glacier near Mont Blanc, France. Nine people were killed 
 in the incident. 
1935 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the 
 Social Security Act into law. The act created unemployment 
 insurance and pension plans for the elderly. 
1936 The first basketball competition was held at the 
 Olympic Games in Berlin, Germany. The U.S. defeated 
 Canada, 19-8. 
1941 The U.S. Congress appropriated the funds to construct 
 the Pentagon (approximately $83 million). The building 
 was the new home of the U.S. War Department. 
1944 The federal government allowed the manufacture of 
 certain domestic appliances to resume on a limited basis. 
1945 It was announced by U.S. President Truman that Japan 
 had surrendered unconditionally. The surrender ended 
 World War II. 
1947 Pakistan became independent from British rule. 
1953 The whiffle ball was invented. 
1962 A U.S. mail truck was held up in Plymouth, MA. The 
 robbers got away with more that $1.5 million dollars. 
1969 British troops arrived in Northern Ireland to 
 intervene in sectarian violence between Protestants 
 and Roman Catholics. 
1973 The U.S. bombing of Cambodia ended. The halt marked 
 the official end to 12 years of combat in Indochina 
 by the U.S. 
1976 A charity softball game began for the Community General 
 Hospital in Monticello, NY. The game was eventually called 
 off due to weather after 30 hours. The final score was 
 Gager's Diner's 491 to Bend 'n Elbow Tavern's 467. 
1980 People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) was 
 incorporated. 
1992 The U.S. announced that emergency airlifts of food 
 to Somalia would begin. The action was being taken to 
 stop mass deaths due to starvation. 
1995 Shannon Faulkner became the first female cadet in the 
 history of The Citadel, South Carolina's state military 
 college. She quit the school less than a week later. 
2000 Valujet was ordered to pay $11 million in fines and 
 restitution for hazardous waste violations in the crash 
 that killed 110 people in 1996.
2014  smiled.


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What to do when he can't upload pictures 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, August 13

Thank you, Nancy!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Delaware burglar caught cooking crab cakes Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1961 Berlin was divided by a barbed wire fence to halt the flight of East Germans to the West. Two days later work on the Berlin Wall began.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You cannot make a man by standing a sheep on its hind legs. But by standing a flock of sheep in that position you can make a crowd of men. --- Max Beerbohm (1872 - 1956)
The Japanese eat very little fat, and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat, and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Japanese drink very little red wine, and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine, and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.
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Over dinner, a woman said to her husband, "I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me; he used really bad language; he even threatened me!" "How did you meet this fellow?" He asked, very concerned. She said, "Well, we met by accident, I hit him with the car."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Stephen Quinn, 41, Delaware Burglar caught cooking crab cakes A burglar was arrested after being caught cooking crab cakes at the restaurant he broke into. Most thieves are usually desperate to get in and out as quickly as possible, but not Stephen L. Quinn who was busy preparing a midnight snack in the kitchen after breaking the glass front door at Delaware's Planet X Cafe. But before he could sit down and enjoy his meal-for-one, police arrived on the scene and captured the 41-year-old after he tried to give officers the slip. Quinn, who had also stolen a bottle of alcohol to accompany his food, was charged with burglary, theft under $1,500, criminal mischief, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct, reports Delmarvanow. Tech Support Pits From: Ellen Re: Delete redundant URL and form choices in Chrome Dear Webby, Thanks so very much for your daily humor letter. I will try to upload some of your photos to Facebook or e-mails and I get This error message;"Can't Read Files Your photos couldn't be uploaded. Photos should be saved as JPG, PNG, GIF or TIFF files." Sometimes it just reads "Error." I have copied some and then scanned the copy and itd is still the same. How do I get photos in JEPG? I thought all my photo files were JEPG. Thanks so much for help...I need all the help I can get! Dear Hank Make sure the file names do not have spaces in them. Busty Blonde.jpg won't work BustyBlonde.jpg will work fine. There should not be ANY empty spaces in the file names, including at the end. When you scan something, save it as JPG, not as TIF. Some scanners come pre-set for TIFF, especially if they are Scan/Fax combos. TIFF has it's uses, but can be a real nuisance, and most browsers don't accept it. You can use any graphics program to convert TIF or TIFF pictures to JPG. Don't just rename them, that makes them useless. You have to actually convert them. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vanilla Extract Room Freshener Recently I wanted to freshen up my home and had no air freshener on hand. Instead I took a small pot and placed some water in it, added a few drops of vanilla and some ground ginger. I then put it on the stove at the lowest setting and let it simmer. The whole house smelled wonderful! By countryheart from Marianna, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A Sunday school teacher was instructing her class. Just before she dismissed them to go to church she asked them, "Why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Little Johnny was quick to blurt out what he was certain was the correct answer, "Because most of the people are sleeping!"
Bob was on vacation, playing the slot machines. It was his first time in a casino, and he wasn't sure how the machines operated. "Excuse me." he said to a casino employee. "How does this work?" The worker showed him how to insert a bill, hit the spin button, and operate the release handle. "And where does the money come out?" he asked. He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying, "It comes out at the ATM over there."

» Puppy Power

Today in 
1521 Present day Mexico City was captured by Spanish conqueror 
 Hernando Cortez from the Aztec Indians. 
1704 The Battle of Blenheim was fought during the War of the 
 Spanish Succession, resulting in a victory for English and 
 Austrian forces. 
1792 French revolutionaries took the entire French royal 
 family and imprisoned them. 
1889 A patent for a coin-operated telephone was issued 
 to William Gray. 
1932 Adolf Hitler refused to take the post of vice-chancellor 
 of Germany. He said he was going to hold out 
 "for all or nothing." 
1942 Henry Ford unveiled his "Soybean Car." It was a 
 plastic-bodied car that weighed about 1000 lbs. less than 
 a steel car. 
1959 In New York, ground was broken on the $320 million 
 Verrazano Narrows Bridge. 
1960 "Echo I," a balloon satellite, allowed the first 
 two-way telephone conversation by satellite to take place. 
1961 Berlin was divided by a barbed wire fence to halt the 
 flight of East Germans to the West. Two days later work 
 on the Berlin Wall began. 
1985 The engagement of Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger 
 was announced. 
1990 Iraq transferred $3-4 billion in bullion, currency, and 
 other goods seized from Kuwait to Baghdad. 
1992 Woody Allen began legal action to win custody of his 
 three children. A judge ruled against Allen in 1993. 
1994 It was reported that aspirin not only helps reduce 
 the risk of heart disease, but also helps prevent 
 colon cancer.
2014  smiled.


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Weed out Chrome Auto-Complete 





Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, August 12.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Las Vegas MMA fighter, who beat up his girlfriend. Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1981 - IBM unveiled its first PC.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have paradise in a few years. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
A boy and his dad were playing with toy cars. The father had the police car and pretended to pull over the car that the boy was playing with. "Do you have a drivers license?" he asked the boy. "No," the boy answered seriously. "Are you resisting arrest?" asked the father. The boy hesitated, then said, "Yes, I'm not sleepy yet."
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On her way back from the concession stand, Sally asked a man at the end of the row, "Pardon me, but did I step on your foot before?" Expecting an apology, the man said, "Indeed you did." The woman nodded. "Oh good. Then this is my row."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jonathan Koppenhaver, Las Vegas, NV Porn Star Christy Mack Hospitalized After MMA Fighter Attacks, Flees Las Vegas police are searching for a mixed martial arts fighter who they believe attacked his girlfriend and then fled. Jonathan Koppenhaver is accused of beating porn star Christy Mack on Friday evening in an attack that left her with "serious" but not "life-threatening" injuries, cops told the Las Vegas Review-Journal. She has more tattoos, but Koppenhaver, a trained boxer and MMA fighter, outweighs her almost two to one. His name on Twitter is WarMachine170 ------------- War Machine ? @WarMachine170 I only wish that man hadn't been there and that Christy & I would behappily engaged.I don't know y I'm so cursed.One day truth will come out War Machine @WarMachine170 · 22h I'm not a bad guy, I went to surprise my gf, help her set up her show and to give her an engagement ring and ended up fighting for my life. ----------- There is no news about the man who made him fight for his life, and who apparently left before Koppenhaver took his frustrations out on his girlfriend. His tweets hint towards a UPS driver. Considering his tattoos and addiction to muscle building gyms, he will probably be caught soon. Tech Support Pits From: Ellen Re: Delete redundant URL and form choices in Chrome Dear Webby, Chrome is trying to be helpful when I fill out forms or type URLs. Usually that is great, but when a typo is higher in the alphabet, it shows that on top, and after a while, there is just too much useless crap on top to make that feature a nuisance, not a help. How do I weed that out? Ellen Dear Ellen Scroll down th list of choices that Chrome offers, highlight a bad one, and hit SHIFT DELETE. Just Delete alone won't help. With SHIFT DEL you can weed out the choices one by one. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Grass Skirts From Tissue Paper In the old days when they made pom poms we used a form of tissue paper. Well I thought to be easy and so children can help, use tissue paper of any colors. You can use the same color or different colors. It is a fun way of doing it and the children love helping. They can do the cutting or the pasting on the material that is used for the waist band. That is how we make a grass skirt. By Georgett from Hacienda Heights, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury aquitted him. Later that day, Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing. "Your honor," he said, "I want to get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine." "Why?" asked the judge. "He won your aquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for?" "Well, your honor," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole..."
A man goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes." The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen an Optometrist?" The man replies, "No, just spots."

» Puppy Power

Today in 
1676 - "King Phillip's War" came to an end with the killing 
 of Indian chief King Phillip. The war between the Indians 
 and the Europeans lasted for two years. 
1851 - Isaac Singer was issued a patent on the double-headed 
 sewing machine. 
1865 - Disinfectant was used for the first time during surgery 
 by Joseph Lister. 
1877 - Thomas Edison invented the phonograph and made the first 
 sound recording. 
1898 - The Spanish-American War was ended with the signing 
 of the peace protocol. The U.S. acquired Guam, Puerto Rico 
 and the Philippines. Hawaii was also annexed. 
1915 - "Of Human Bondage", by William Somerset Maugham, was 
 first published. 
1918 - Regular airmail service began between Washington, DC, 
 and New York City. 
1939 - "The Wizard of Oz" premiered in Oconomowoc, WI. Judy 
 Garland became famous for the movie's song "Somewhere Over 
 the Rainbow." The movie premiered in Hollywood on August 15th. 
1953 - The Soviet Union secretly tested its first hydrogen bomb. 
1960 - The balloon satellite Echo One was launched by the U.S. 
 from Cape Canaveral, FL. It was the first communications 
 satellite. 
1962 - The Soviet Union launched Pavel Popovich into orbit. 
 Popovich and Andrian Nikolayev, who was launched a day 
 before, both landed on August 15. 
1977 - The space shuttle Enterprise passed its first solo 
 flight test. 
1981 - IBM unveiled its first PC. 
1985 - A Japan Air Lines Boeing 747 crashed into a mountain 
 killing 520 people. 
1986 - It was announced by NASA that they had selected a 
 new rocket design for the space shuttle. The move was made 
 in an effort at correcting the flaws that were believed to 
 have been responsible for the Challenger disaster. 
1992 - The U.S., Canada, and Mexico announced that the 
 North American Free Trade Agreement had been created after 
 14 months of negotiations. 
1993 - U.S. President Clinton lifted the ban on rehiring air 
 traffic controllers that had been fired for going on strike 
 in 1981. 
1994 - Major league baseball players went on strike rather 
 than allow team owners to limit their salaries. The strike 
 lasted for 232 days. As a result, the World Series was wiped 
 out for the first time in 90 years. 
1998 - Swiss banks agreed to pay $1.25 billion as restitution 
 to World War II Holocaust victims. 
1999 - Hang Thu Thi Ngyuen shot an arrow from a bow with her 
 feet on "Guinness World Records: Primetime" and hit a target 
 that was 16 feet and 5 inches away. 
2014  smiled.


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Painful laptop keyboard 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, August 11.


Those models sure get around!
Marseilles
Iraq
Lybia
Iran
Where else have you seen them?

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a NC man arrested after beating cops in a donut eating contest. Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1994 A U.S. federal jury awarded $286.8 million to about 10,000 commercial fishermen for losses as a result of the 1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting. --- John Russell Late to bed and late to wake will keep you long on money and short on mistakes. --- Aaron McGruder
>From Dianne: What are some cultural differences between Canadians and Americans? How do you get 100 New Yorkers out of the pool? Answer: Say “Every one STAY in the pool! How do you get 100 Californians out of the pool? Answer: Say “This pool has been CHEMICALLY TREATED for your protection! How do you get 100 Republicans out of the pool? Answer: Say “Being in this pool shows your support for the Obama. How do you get 100 Democrats out of the pool? Answer: Say “This pool will be FUNDED COMPLETELY by the people in the pool!’ The difference between Canadians and Americans? HOW DO YOU GET 100 CANADIANS OUT OF THE POOL? ANSWER: SAY “Please get out of the pool.”
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When I attended a convention once of oil men, the first speaker was from Texas. He rambled on about stuff for a good half hour and then introduced the next gent, who happened to be from Oklahoma. The Texas man said, "Oklahoma, an outlying province of Texas." The second speaker said, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, but, just to set the record straight, there ain't NO state that can out-lie Texas."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bradley Hardison, 24, of Elizabeth City, NC Burglar Caught After Beating Cops In Doughnut-Eating Contest The sweet victory for a North Carolina man who beat police officers in a doughnut-eating contest this week soured after a newspaper story about the win led to his arrest on breaking and entering charges. Bradley Hardison, 24, of Elizabeth City downed eight doughnuts in two minutes during a contest Tuesday night at an anti-crime event hosted by the city's police department, according to a story in the Daily Advance. That report caught the eye of Camden County Sheriff's Lieutenant Max Robeson, who said his detectives had been trying to interview Hardison for about nine months after suspecting him in break-ins at two local businesses. Robeson said they brought Hardison in for questioning on Wednesday. "I said, 'Congratulations on your win last night,'" Robeson recalled, before arresting the man on criminal charges of breaking and entering and injury to real property. Hardison remained in jail on Friday, the sheriff's lieutenant said. Tech Support Pits From: Maureen Re: Painful laptop keyboard Dear Webby, Since I switched to a laptop, my hands cramp and hurt. Is that due to trhe heat from the laptop coming up between the keys, or me getting old, or what? What do you recommend? Maureen Dear Maureen Dig out one of your old keyboards and plug that into a USB port of the laptop. If you got rid of them already, just buy a regular keyboard. The cramps and pain will be gone in a few days. That will also eliminate the hassle of not having a numeric keypad. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Red Wine To Attract Fruit Flies I tried the fruit in a pretty vase and the red-wine vinegar traps that you so graciously shared. Thank you. Although they attracted a few, the hands-down winner was using actual red wine. I used a small container (dipping-sauce bowl, or espresso cup), and poured in some wine (enough that they can drown). I then put the plastic wrap over the top, poked a few holes, and put it where they were flying about. By the next morning, there were a good 30+ in these containers (whereas the fruit and red wine vinegar traps had 5 or so). It took a good three days of new traps, but over 95% were gone. Thanks for the tips. Hope this feedback is helpful. By Oscar from Canada Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Two Rednecks rob a Brink's Armored truck and all they get away with are two sacks, so they keep one each. After awhile they meet again and one asks the other, "What did you find in your sack?" "Half a million bucks." "Aw... that's a lot! What did you do with all that cash?" "I bought a house and a boat. How about your sack?" "Bah... mine was full o' bills" "And what did you do with them?" "Eh well . . . little by little, I'm paying them off . . ."
Joe was a successful lawyer but he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his career and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across an old country doctor who solved the problem. "The good news is that I can cure your headaches ... The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine, and the pressure creates a terrible headache. The only way to relieve the condition is to remove your testicles." Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered whether he had anything to live for. He couldn't even concentrate long enough to answer his own question, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital after the surgery he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he also felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought: "That's what I need ... a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit", and picked one out. The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see ... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years." Joe tried on the suit and it fit him perfectly. As Joe admired himself, the salesman said, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe, and said, "34 sleeve and a 16 1/2 neck." Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years." Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman said, "How about new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe's feet, and said, "Let's see 9-1/2 E." Joe was astonished, "How did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years." Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman said, "How about some new underwear? "Joe thought for a second, and said, "Sure." The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see ... size 36." Joe laughed, "Ah ha. I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old. The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear size 34. A 34 underwear would press your testicles up against your spine and give you a hell of a headache."

» Puppy Power

Today in 
1860 The first successful silver mill in America began 
 operations. The mill was in Virginia City, NV. 
1874 A patent for the sprinkler head was given to 
 Harry S. Parmelee. 
1877 The two moons of Mars were discovered by Asaph Hall, 
 an American astronomer. He named them Phobos and Deimos. 
1896 Harvey Hubbell received a patent for the electric light 
 bulb socket with a pull-chain. 
1909 The American ship Arapahoe became the first to ever 
 use the SOS distress signal off the coast of Cape Hatteras, NC. 
1934 Alcatraz, in San Francisco Bay, received federal 
 prisoners for the first time. 
1945 The Allies informed Japan that they would determine 
 Emperor Hirohito's future status after Japan's surrender. 
1954 Seven years of fighting came to an end in Indochina. 
 A formal peace was in place for the French and the 
 Communist Vietminh. 
1962 Andrian Nikolayev, of the Soviet Union, was launched 
 on a 94-hour flight. He was the third Russian to go into space. 
1965 The U.S. conducted a second launch of "Surveyor-SD 2" 
 for a landing on the Moon surface test. 
1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was preparing for his 
 weekly radio broadcast when, during testing of the microphone, 
 the President said of the Soviet Union, "My fellow Americans, 
 I am pleased to tell you that I just signed legislation that 
 would outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes." 
1990 Egyptian and Moroccan troops joined U.S. forces in 
 Saudi Arabia to help protect from a possible Iraqi attack. 
1994 A U.S. federal jury awarded $286.8 million to about 10,000 
 commercial fishermen for losses as a result of the 1989 Exxon 
 Valdez oil spill. 
1995 All U.S. nuclear tests were banned by President Clinton. 
 He didn't want the US to be stronger than Mexico.
1997 U.S. President Clinton made the first use of the line-item 
 veto approved by Congress, rejecting three items in spending 
 and tax bills. 
1998 British Petroleum became No. 3 among oil companies with 
 the $49 billion purchase of Amoco. It was the largest foreign 
 takeover of a U.S. company. 
2002 US Airways announced that it had filed for bankruptcy. 
2003 Charles Taylor, President of Liberia, flew into exile after 
 ceding power to his vice president, Moses Blah. 
2003 In Kabul, NATO took command of the 5,000-strong peacekeeping 
 force in Afghanistan.
2014  smiled.


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Using just the microphone of a headset 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, August 10.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Church Leader Jerald Hill Arrested for Attempted Dog Sex Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1885 The first electric streetcar, to be used commercially, was operated in Baltimore, MD, by Leo Daft.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. --- Wendell Johnson The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. --- Franklin P. Jones
The loaded mini-van pulled in to the only remaining campsite. Four children leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils. A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters' father, "That, sir, is some great display of teamwork." The father replied, "I have a system: no one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up."
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While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, Wine, and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer. The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it. The first nun replied that she would handle that without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier had a surprised look so the nun said, "This is for washing our hair." Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer saying, "Here, don't forget the curlers."
Thanks to Nanarina for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Parking in the shade guaranteed!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jerald Hill, 56, Roach, Missouri Church Leader Jerald Hill Arrested for Attempted Dog Sex A church leader in Roach, Missouri, is out of a job after being arrested for allegedly trying to arrange a sexual encounter with a dog. Jerald Hill, 56, was arrested Tuesday on suspicion of attempted unlawful sex with an animal and attempted animal abuse. Authorities began investigating Hill after the Boone County Sheriff’s Department Cyber Crimes Task Force got a tip about a Craigslist post by a man looking for two types of animals for sex. One of the chosen animals was a dog, but investigators declined to mention the other type of animal, the Columbia Tribune reports. An undercover detective contacted Hill by email and offered a dog for sex. The two then arranged a meeting in Columbia. When Hill arrived, he was arrested without incident, according to CBS St. Louis. Hill was released after paying $1,000 bail. The allegations have had a negative effect on Hill's job as the CEO of the Windermere Baptist Conference Center. A day after Hill's arrest, church leaders released a statement saying that the organization is "concerned for the well-being of Jerry," but will meet next week to start "the process of looking for a new president and CEO,” according to APBnews.com. Tech Support Pits From: Daniel Re: Can I use a headset as a microphone? Dear Webby, I have external speakers plugged into the green socket on my computer. The sound works well. Can I plug just the pink plug from my headset into the pink socket on the computer and ignore the green plug? How close do I have to get to the microphone? Daniel Dear Daniel That works well. Most headset microphones are sensitive enough, so that you can hang the headset up nearby and it will work fine. Pull off that foam cover from the microphone, and it's range will be greatly extended. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cooking with Frozen Tomatoes I use my frozen tomatoes in soups and stews. But the big thing I do is save them until I have enough to can them and I make my own spaghetti sauce. I thaw them and make my sauce and then I have lots on hand. If I have extra I make some chili sauce also. You can use frozen tomatoes in canning just like fresh ones and once thawed the skins slip off nice and easy! By Artena from Tahsis, BC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

The nursery school teacher decided to tell her class about patriotism. "We live in a great country," she said. "One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free." One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said: "I'm not free. I'm four."
SHOPPING MATH A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need. GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

» Puppy Power

Today in 
1792 King Louis XVI was taken into custody by mobs during 
 the French Revolution. He was executed the following 
 January after being put on trial for treason. 
1869 The motion picture projector was patented by O.B. Brown. 
1881 Thomas Edison's exhibit opened the Paris Electrical 
 Exhibition. 
1885 The first electric streetcar, to be used commercially, 
 was operated in Baltimore, MD, by Leo Daft. 
1914 Austria-Hungary invaded Russia. 
1927 Mount Rushmore was formally dedicated. The individual 
 faces of the presidents were dedicated later. 
1944 U.S. forces defeated the remaining Japanese 
 resistance on Guam. 
1945 The day after the atomic bombing of Nagasaki, Japan 
 announced they would surrender. The only condition was 
 that the status of Emperor Hirohito would remain unchanged. 
1947 William Odom completed an around-the-world flight. 
 He set the solo record by completing the flight in 73 hours 
 and 5 minutes. 
1948 On ABC, "Candid Camera" made its TV debut. The original 
 title was "Candid Microphone." 
1954 Construction began on the St. Lawrence Seaway. 
1988 U.S. President Reagan signed a measure that provided 
 $20,000 payments to Japanese-Americans who were interned 
 by the U.S. government during World War II. 
1994 U.S. President Clinton claimed presidential immunity 
 when he asked a federal judge to dismiss, at least for 
 the time being, a sexual harassment lawsuit filed by 
 Paula Corbin Jones. 
1999 Near an India-Pakistan border area an Indian fighter 
 jet shot down a Pakistani naval aircraft. Sixteen people 
 were killed. 
2003 Ekaterina Dmitriev and Russian cosmonaut Yuri 
 Malenchenko were married. Malenchenko was about 240 miles 
 above the earth in the international space station. It 
 was the first-ever marriage from space. 
2014  smiled.


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Can a spreadsheet be spread over two monitors? 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, August 9.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Oklahoma teacher, who turned up drunk and without pants Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1945 The U.S. dropped an atomic bomb on Nagasaki. The bombing came three days after the bombing of Hiroshima. About 74,000 people were killed. Japan surrendered August 14.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
That is the greatest fallacy, the wisdom of old men. They do not grow wise. They grow careful. --- Ernest Hemingway (1899 - 1961)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, so that you don't lose this page)
A couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 40 years of marriage. During the celebration a fairy appeared! "Because you have been such a loving couple all those years, I would like to give you each one wish." The wife quickly chimed in, "I want to travel around the world." The fairy waved her wand and, POOF! She had the tickets in her hand. Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a wife 30 years younger than me." The fairy picked up her wand and, POOF! He was 90.
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Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying, "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him and bashing their teeth out on the counter."
Thanks to Nnanarina for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lorie Ann Hill, 49, in Wagoner, Oklahoma Oklahoma teacher, who turned up drunk and without pants Don't worry about forgetting your homework; this teacher forgot her pants, witnesses said. Oklahoma schoolteacher Lorie Ann Hill, 49, was allegedly spotted drunk and without pants on her first day of work at Wagoner High School Monday, Fox 23 reported. “She was found in a room kind of disoriented,” Police Chief Bob Haley told Tulsa World. “By the time we got there she was in a room and wearing shorts.” Hill was hired by the school this year for a special education position, according to the Muskogee Phoenix. She allegedly admitted to drinking vodka before coming to work, and was charged with public intoxication. Classes do not start in Wagoner until Thursday. Tech Support Pits From: Bree Re: Could a spreadsheet be stretched over two monitors? Dear Webby, My Excel spreadsheet is getting too wide for one monitor. Would it work if it is spread over two monitors? I have a real monitor on my desktop, not a laptop. Bree Dear Bree Yes, that works fine, as long as both monitors are the same size. If they are different sizes, the spreadsheet rows don't line up and will drive you nuts. Until you get a second monitor, try holding down CTRL and scrolling the mouse wheel to reduce the zoom. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Solar Lights For Indoor Lighting I would like to submit the following tip to your newsletters. Maybe it will help some folks! There was a recent tip in the Dollar Stretcher newsletter about using a solar yard lamp during a thunderstorm. I can take that one step further. When I lived with two roommates, we had little extra spending money. We were always looking for ways to save a buck or two. Electricity was one area where we thought we had done enough, but we were wrong! During a trip to a local hardware store to pick up some nails, we noticed that there were two types of solar yard lamps available - fixed (on a spike or stake), or hanging (from a hook, sometimes connected to a stake). We saw that it was only $20 for a three-pack of solar lamps (I've since seen four packs for the same price, on sale). We bought two packs of them and six of those pretty plant hangers that people sometimes use for their hanging plants (the ones that look like pretty shelf brackets, but with hooks). When we got home, we mounted the plant hangers over or next to four windows in our house and put the solar lamps on them. Then, we hung the other two on the house, next to the front and back doors. In the late afternoon or early evening, we would open up the blinds to allow the sunlight to "charge" the indoor lights. The outdoor lights took care of themselves. At night, we had free household lighting that would last until sunrise if we'd charged them long enough! We kept a piece of nice material in rooms that we needed to sleep in, in order to cover the lights when it was time to go to sleep. The day after we started doing this, we had a neighbor call us to let us know that we'd left both our porch lights on overnight. We asked if it had disturbed her. "No," she said, "I was just worried about your electric bill. Actually, I felt safer when I came home from work and they were on, because I could see to put my key into the lock!" "Well," said my roommate, "You'll feel safer every night then, because we're leaving them on from now on. In fact, we can't turn them off! They're solar lamps and the power is free!" I hope that this tip is useful to all of you and to your readers. Thanks, Miss Elisha Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Here is a delightful old classic: Many many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red. My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed. This made my dad my son-in-law And changed my very life. My daughter was my mother, For she was my father's wife. To complicate the matters worse, Although it brought me joy, I soon became the father Of a bouncing baby boy. My little baby then became A brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle, Though it made me very sad. For if he was my uncle, Then that also made him brother To the widow's grown-up daughter Who, of course, was my step-mother. Father's wife then had a son, Who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, For he was my daughter's son. My wife is now my mother's mother And it makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, She is my grandma too. If my wife is my grandmother, Then I am her grandchild. And every time I think of it, It simply drives me wild. For now I have become The strangest case you ever saw. As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa.
Another classic: By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it." The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time," said the Marine. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came into the room," the Marine explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."

» Puppy Power

Today in 
1678 American Indians sold the Bronx to Jonas Bronck for 
 400 beads. 
1790 The Columbia returned to Boston Harbor after a three 
 year voyage. It was the first ship to carry the American 
 flag around the world. 
1831 The first American steam locomotive began its first 
 trip between Schenectady and Albany, NY. 
1854 "Walden" was published by Henry David Thoreau. 
1859 The escalator was patented by Nathan Ames. 
1892 Thomas Edison received a patent for a two-way telegraph. 
1910 A.J. Fisher received a patent for the electric 
 washing machine. 
1930 Betty Boop had her beginning in "Dizzy Dishes" created 
 by Max Fleischer. 
1936 Jesse Owens won his fourth gold medal at the Berlin 
 Olympics. He was the first American to win four medals 
 in one Olympics. 
1942 Mohandas K. Gandhi was arrested Britain. He was not 
 released until 1944. 
1944 The Forest Service and Wartime Advertising Council 
 created "Smokey the Bear." 
1945 The U.S. dropped an atomic bomb on Nagasaki. 
 The bombing came three days after the bombing of Hiroshima. 
 About 74,000 people were killed. Japan surrendered August 14. 
1945 The first network television broadcast occurred in 
 Washington, DC. The program announced the bombing of 
 Nagasaki, Japan. 
1965 Singapore proclaimed its independence from the Malaysian 
 Federation. 
1973 The U.S. Senate committee investigating the Watergate 
 affair filed suit against President Richard Nixon. 
1974 U.S. President Richard Nixon formally resigned. 
 Gerald R. Ford took his place, and became the 38th president 
 of the U.S. 
1975 The New Orleans Superdome as officially opened when the 
 Saints played the Houston Oilers in exhibition football. 
 The new Superdome cost $163 million to build. 
1988 Wayne Gretzky (Edmonton Oilers) was traded. The trade 
 was at Gretzky's request. He was sent to the Los Angeles Kings. 
1996 Boris Yeltsin was sworn in as president of Russia for 
 the second time. 
1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin fired Prime Minister 
 Sergei Stepashin and his entire cabinet for the fourth 
 time in 17 months. 
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush announced he would 
 support federal funding for limited medical research 
 on embryonic stem cells. 
2004 Trump Hotel and Casion Resorts announced plans to 
 file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.
2014  smiled.


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How to stop Outlook Express from duplicating mails 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, August 8.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Oregon Dope, who falls into the river while masturbating, and needs to be rescued. Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1945 During World War II, the Soviet Union declared war on Japan. After Hiroshima.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Play: Work that you enjoy doing for nothing. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995)
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>From Ann New to town, I was eager to meet people and make friends. So one day I struck up a conversation with the only other woman in the gym. Pointing to two men playing racquetball in a nearby court, I said to her, "There's my husband." Then I added, "The thin one--not the fat one." After a slightly uncomfortable silence she replied, "And that's my husband - the fat one."
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The tourist in London climbed into a cab and noticed by the license that his cab driver's name was "Winston Churchill." Trying to make conversation, he said, "I see your name is Winston Churchill." The driver simply said, "Yep. That's my moniker." The passenger, not willing to give up yet on some banter said, "That's a pretty famous name." The driver responded with: "As well it should be too. I've been driving a cab here for over forty years."
Thanks to Bill for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ernest Kirk, 31, Oregon City Oregon dope falls into the river while masturbating Ernest Michael Kirk was charged with public indecency and harassment. OREGON CITY POLICE DEPT. Ernest Michael Kirk was charged with public indecency and harassment. A naked and drunk Oregon man fell into a river while masturbating in a park in broad daylight, authorities said. Ernest Michael Kirk, 31, needed to be rescued after falling into the Willamette River while gratifying himself in Clackamette Park in Oregon City, according to the Portland Tribune. Cops received a phone call shortly after 2 p.m. Saturday and when they arrived at the scene they caught Kirk in the act, so to speak, the newspaper reported. Kirk, who was on a cliff bank just a few feet from the water, reportedly continued to masturbate with authorities at the scene. Apparently drunk and disoriented, he soon fell in the water and needed to be rescued. After a stay in the hospital, Kirk was charged with public indecency and harassment, and was hit with a parole violation. Cops say they believe he may have been using drugs, according to the Oregonian. Tech Support Pits From: Dianne Re: How do I stop Outlook Express from duplicating mails? Dear Webby, All of my mails get duplicated. What's up with that? How do I stop that nonsense? Dianne Dear Dianne Do a Search for Pop3uidl.dbx and delete it. After that you will get a whole bunch of mail the nect time you check it, but after that is should be OK. You might also consider upgrading to a more modern email program like Thunderbird or Windows Live Mail. Outlook Express is too easy for hackers to infect, as you have noticed. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Don't Try to Burn Poison Oak I know what NOT to do. Don't try to burn it. I had a friend try this and she got very sick from inhaling the fumes. I suggest wearing disposable gloves so the oil isn't transferred to anything else. Good luck! By Susan E. from Peoria, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears. "Oh, Mom, I tried to make Grand-mother's meatloaf for dinner tonight and it's just awful! I followed the recipe exactly, and I know I have the recipe right, because it's the one you gave me. But, it just didn't come out right and I'm so upset. I wanted this to be so special for George, because he loves meatloaf. What could have gone wrong"? Her mother replied soothing-ly, "Well, dear, let's go through the recipe. You read it out loud, and tell me exactly what you did at each step and to-gether we'll figure it out." "Okay," the bride sniffled. "Well, it starts out, 'Take fifty cents worth of ground beef.'
One day a man called the church office. He said, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?" The secretary thought she heard what he said, but said, "I'm sorry, who?" The caller repeated, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?" She said, "Well, if you mean the preacher, then you may refer to him as 'Pastor,' or 'Brother,' but I prefer that you not refer to him as the 'head hog at the trough'!" To this the man replied, "Well, I was planning on giving $100,000 to the building fund...." To this the secretary quickly responded "Hang on, I think the big fat pig just waddled in!"

» Puppy Power

Today in 
1356 Edward "the Black Prince" began a raid north from Aquitaine. 
1588 The Spanish Armada was defeated by the English fleet 
 ending an invasion attempt. 
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte set sail for St. Helena, in the 
 South Atlantic. The remainder of his life was spent there 
 in exile. 
1844 After the killing of Joseph Smith, Bringham Young was 
 chosen to lead the Mormons. 
1876 Thomas Edison received a patent for the mimeograph. 
 The mimeograph was a "method of preparing autographic 
 stencils for printing." 
1899 The refrigerator was patented by A.T. Marshall. 
1940 The German Luftwaffe began a series of daylight air 
 raids on Great Britain. 
1945 During World War II, the Soviet Union declared war 
 on Japan. After Hiroshima.
1953 The U.S. and South Korea initiated a mutual security pact. 
1956 Japan launched an oil tanker that was 780 feet long and 
 weighed 84,730 tons. It was the largest oil tanker in the 
 world. 
1966 Michael DeBakey became the first surgeon to install an 
 artificial heart pump in a patient. 
1974 U.S. President Nixon announced that he would resign 
 the following day. 
1978 The U.S. launched Pioneer Venus II, which carried 
 scientific probes to study the atmosphere of Venus. 
1988 It was announced that a cease-fire between Iraq 
 and Iran had begun. 
1990 American forces began positioning in Saudia Arabia. 
1994 The first road link between Israel and Jordan opened. 
1994 Representatives from China and Taiwan signed a 
 cooperation agreement. 
2000 The submarine H.L. Hunley was raised from ocean bottom 
 after 136 years. The sub had been lost during an attack on 
 the U.S.S. Housatonic in 1864. The Hunley was the first 
 submarine in history to sink a warship.
2014  smiled.


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Check connection speed 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, August 7

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Iowa man jailed for "accidentally" exposing himself through window beside parking lot Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1960 The Cuban Catholic Church condemned the rise of communism in Cuba. Fidel Castro then banned all religious TV and radio broadcasts.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it. --- Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826) The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children. --- King Edward VIII Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye. --- Miss Piggy
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An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed a wrinkled up old lady shuffled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady walked between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father turned to his son and said, "Go get your Mother."
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Wacky laws: Louisiana: It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault." New Mexico: Females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public. Oklahoma: Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog. Pennsylvania: No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife. A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling. Washington: All lollipops and guns are banned. A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town.
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Reported by Walter, the Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dustin Hills, 35, Iowa City, Iowa Iowa man jailed for "accidentally" exposing himself through window beside parking lot In an apparent attempt to explain why a woman twice spotted him pleasuring himself in his apartment window, an Iowa man told cops that the indecent exposure was an accident, adding that he was “on an adult website at the time of the second incident.” Despite that explanation, Dustin Hills, 35, was arrested last night and booked into the Johnson County jail, where he remains locked up on a serious misdemeanor charge. A female victim told cops that, on two separate occasions last month, she was “outside in a parking lot” when she “noticed a man displaying his penis and pleasuring himself while standing in a nearby apartment window.” The man hid when she yelled at him, the woman reported. When questioned by investigators, Hills, seen in the mug shot, “admitted to accidentally displaying his erect penis to others outside” his Iowa City home, according to a criminal complaint. Hills added that he was “on an adult website” when the woman spotted him the second time. Tech Support Pits From: Noella Re: Did Chrome slow down? Dear Webby, It could be her ISP too. Remember I wrote about mine a few weeks ago. I'd done everything I could think of. Finally I called my ISP. I'd been paying for 12 mbps since November 2011, but when Repair checked, they found I was only getting 3 mpbs. They had to manually hook me up to a line that would handle the faster speed, plus I got a fairly nice refund. Noella Dear Noella Right! You can test your speed at http://www.speedtest.net Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze Ground Coffee After trying various methods for storing the large canister of coffee (more thrifty), I settled on freezing it. I noticed the aroma from the un-brewed coffee deteriorated with all the other methods. This way, one doesn't get that sharp smell when opening the container. No need to thaw; just measure, brew, and enjoy! By Cay from Green Cove Springs, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

My friend Don, a minor-league umpire, is used to being heckled by fans. But imagine his surprise when he was rushing to umpire an exhibition game at Coors Field in Denver. After a long search for a place to change clothes, Don finally located a room with a neatly lettered sign: "Dressing Room, Umpires Only." As he was about to go in, however, he inspected the sign more closely. Below the printed legend was the same message... written in Braille.
>From Ellen It was our second anniversary, and my husband sent me flowers at the office. He told the florist to write "Happy Anniversary, Year Number 2" on the card. I was thrilled with the flowers, but not so pleased about the card. It read "Happy Anniversary. You're Number 2."

» Puppy Power

Today in 
1782 George Washington created the Order of the Purple Heart.
1888 Theophilus Van Kannel received a patent for the 
 revolving door. 
1914 Germany invaded France. 
1934 The U.S. Court of Appeals upheld a lower court ruling 
 striking down the government's attempt to ban the 
 controversial James Joyce novel "Ulysses." 
1942 U.S. forces landed at Guadalcanal, marking the start 
 of the first major allied offensive in the Pacific during 
 World War II. 
1947 The balsa wood raft Kon-Tiki, which had carried a 
 six-man crew 4,300 miles across the Pacific Ocean, crashed 
 into a reef in a Polynesian archipelago. 
1959 The U.S. launched Explorer 6, which sent back a picture 
 of the Earth. 
1960 The Cuban Catholic Church condemned the rise of 
 communism in Cuba. Fidel Castro then banned all religious 
 TV and radio broadcasts. 
1964 The U.S. Congress passed the Gulf of Tonkin resolution, 
 which gave President Johnson broad powers in dealing with 
 reported North Vietnamese attacks on U.S. forces. 
1974 French stuntman Philippe Petit walked a tightrope strung 
between the twin towers of New York's World Trade Center. 
1976 Scientists in Pasadena, CA, announced that the Viking 1
 spacecraft had found strong indications of possible life 
 on Mars. 
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered U.S. troops and 
 warplanes to Saudi Arabia to guard against a possible 
 invasion by Iraq. 
2003 In California, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that he 
would run for the office of governor. 
2003 Stephen Geppi bought a 1963 G.I. Joe prototype for $200,000.
2014  smiled.


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Is page loading in Chrome slowing down after a few months? 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, August 6

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to A Florida mom who got drunk in the bar while her kid was alone in the car Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1945 The American B-29 bomber, known as the Enola Gay, dropped the first atomic bomb on an inhabited area. The bomb named "Little Boy" was dropped over the center of Hiroshima, Japan. An estimated 140,000 people were killed. (8:16am Japanese time)
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. --- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006) In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing. --- Theodore Roosevelt
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A out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here." "You'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the harried waiter. "I can only serve one table at a time."
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The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was inter- viewing a prospective student, "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked. "I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," the student replied. "Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the dean much impressed. "No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it."
Thanks to Bill for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Walter, the Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Krastina Yankova Gesheva, 36, ST. PETERSBUR, Floriduh A Florida mom who got drunk in the bar while her kid was alone in the car Police in Florida say a woman faces DUI and child neglect charges after her son was left alone in her Mercedes while she drank at a nearby bar in St. Petersburg. The Tampa Bay Times reports the 8-year-old boy went into Tryst Lounge several times, apparently looking for his mother. St. Petersburg police say when 36-year-old Krastina Yankova Gesheva finally left the bar around 3 a.m. Monday, she backed into two cars. She was visibly impaired when officers arrived. Her blood alcohol level was 0.177, more than twice the legal limit to drive in Florida. The boy, who was sitting in the car, was released to a guardian. Gesheva was released from jail later Monday after posting $10,500 bail. Tech Support Pits From: Darla Re: Did Chrome slow down? Dear Webby, Since you mentioned Chrome today, I have been having problems with unresponsive pages. When I first started using Chrome about 3 months ago, it seemed a lot faster. Now, I'm having problems with pages loading. Is this a common problem ? Thanks, Darla Dear Darla That seems to be more a problem with your computer. Try running CrapCleaner from my ToolBox. It is free. You could also run Defragler. Basic version of that is free too. It is also possible that your computer is hot and slowing down the CPU. However, since page loading is more a modem and hard drive issue, and not a CPU issue, I would check the other things first. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Towel To Speed Dryer Time When putting clothes into the dryer, add one large clean dry towel. This will absorb the wetness and your whole load will dry twenty minutes sooner. I do this with each load, except with dark clothes. You don't want the lint getting on dark clothing. Saves time and energy efficient! Source: I may have read this somewhere in a magazine. By Jackie H. [1] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Two highway patrolmen stopped a guy for speeding on the state highway in Waxahachie, Texas. As they were writing up the ticket, one cop turned to the other and said, "How do you spell Waxahachie?" The other one replied, "I don't know." So the first one said, "Well what are we gong to do? If we spell it wrong, the ticket will get dismissed." The second cop said, "Why don't we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Waco?"
A 92 year old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. At his follow up visit, the doctor talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'" The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful." "Too late!", he replied, "We are getting married next month!"

» Puppy Power

Today in 
1787 At the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia debate 
 began on the first draft of the U.S. Constitution. 
1806 The Holy Roman Empire went out of existence as Emperor 
 Francis II abdicated. 
1825 Bolivia declared independence from Peru. 
1879 The first Australian rules football game to be played 
 at night took place at the Melbourne Cricket Ground. The 
 game was to promote the introduction of electricity to 
 the city of Melbourne. 
1914 Austria-Hungary declared war against Russia. Serbia 
 declared war against Germany. 
1926 Warner Brothers premiered its Vitaphone system in 
 New York. The movie was "Don Juan," starring John Barrymore. 
1945 The American B-29 bomber, known as the Enola Gay, 
 dropped the first atomic bomb on an inhabited area. The 
 bomb named "Little Boy" was dropped over the center of 
 Hiroshima, Japan. An estimated 140,000 people were killed. 
 (8:16am Japanese time) 
1960 Nationalization of U.S. and foreign-owned property 
 in Cuba began. 
1962 Jamaica became an independent dominion within the 
 British Commonwealth. 
1981 Fire fighters in Indianapolis, IN, answered a false 
 alarm. When they returned to their station it was ablaze 
 due to a grease fire. 
1990 The U.N. Security Council ordered a worldwide trade 
 embargo with Iraq. The embargo was to punish Iraq for 
 invading Kuwait. 
1995 Thousands of glowing lanterns were set afloat in rivers 
 in Hiroshima, Japan, on the 50th anniversary of the first 
 atomic bombing. 
1996 NASA announced the discovery of evidence of primitive 
 life on Mars. The evidence came in the form of a meteorite 
 that was found in Antarctica. The meteorite was believed 
 to have come from Mars and contained a fossil. 
1997 Apple Computer and Microsoft agreed to share technology 
 in a deal giving Microsoft a stake in Apple's survival. 
1998 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky spent 8 1/2 
 hours testifying before a grand jury about her relationship 
 with U.S. President Clinton. 
2014  smiled.


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Is FireFox 31 OK ? 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, August 5

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Russian naked woman, who jumped out of a car, when police wanted to check the driver, and ran down the street. Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1986 It was revealed that artist Andrew Wyeth had secretly created 240 drawings and paintings of his neighbor. The works of Helga Testorf had been created over a 15-year period.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
There is no reciprocity. Men love women, women love children, children love hamsters. --- Alice Thomas Ellis The average person thinks he isn't. --- Father Larry Lorenzoni
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This week in Texas, a fire broke out in a warehouse destroying 2,000 pounds of marijuana. Officials say more than 60 firefighters and 2,000 college students responded to the blaze.
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>From C Not a joke, but well worth the space: There was a young woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things "in order," she contacted her pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes. She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in. Everything was in order and the pastor was preparing to leave when the young woman suddenly remembered something very important to her. "There's one more thing," she said excitedly. "What's that?" came the pastor's reply. "This is very important," the young woman continued. "I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand." The pastor stood looking at the young woman, not knowing quite what to say. "That surprises you, doesn't it?" the young woman asked. "Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request," said the pastor. The young woman explained. "My grandmother once told me this story, and from there on out, I have always done so. I have also, always tried to pass along its message to those I love and those who are in need of encouragement." "In all my years of attending church socials and potluck dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, 'Keep your fork.' It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance! So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder "What's with the fork?" Then I want you to tell them: "Keep your fork...the best is yet to come." The pastor' s eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the young woman good-bye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the young woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did. She had a better grasp of what heaven would be like than many people twice her age, with twice as much experience and knowledge. She KNEW that something better was coming. At the funeral people were walking by the young woman's casket and they saw the pretty dress she was wearing and the fork placed in her right hand. Over and over, the pastor heard the question "What's with the fork?" And over and over he smiled. During his message, the pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the young woman shortly before she died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her. The pastor told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either.
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Chineese Waterfall
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Walter, the Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Russian Mugshot? Cute! Yulia Vorokova, 24, Ufa, south-western Russia Naked woman jumps out of car Police were left standing after stopping a car in a routine check - and a naked woman jumped out and ran off down the road. Two traffic officers stopped the car in Ufa, a city in south-western Russia, as part of a routine documents check. As one officer walked to talk to the driver, the passenger door opened and a young woman, wearing only shoes and socks, leapt out and ran off into oncoming traffic. Unable to follow as cars veered left and right, the police officers could only stand and watch in amazement as she then crossed over to the other side of the road and carried on down the busy street. The woman, later identified as Yulia Vorokova, 24, was eventually caught by police and taken to hospital to undergo drugs and alcohol tests. She also had slight bruising after apparently being hit by one of the cars although it was not going fast of the time. The car's driver was questioned but eventually released without charge after police decided they were not sure exactly what to charge him with over the incident. He declined to say why the woman was naked. Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: Is FireFox 31 OK? Dear Webby, I've received notice that Firefox now has new version 31.0 available for download. You were not enthralled with some of the other versions. Do you have any feelings about the latest version or is it a 'wait and see' before downloading? Peace Frank Dear Frank I briefly checked 31. Very briefly. For now I am going to use Chrome. Sure, Chrome has some bugs too, like closing when ignored for a while, but you can get back all of your open tabs with CTRL SHIFT T. I am still learning tricks, and not in any hurry to go back to FireFox. It seems that Firefox is suffering from terminal bloat. They definitely lost control of memory usage with their silly method of keeping the pages from open tabs in memory. If you are quickly searching a bunch of pages for a certain article or item, soon the memory used by FireFox, as seen in the Windows Task Manager, goes over 1 GB and FireFox really slows down. Then you have to axe and re-start FireFox. Until they stop that nonsense, I am going to boycott FireFox. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remember Passwords Easily Choose a category that interests you; Premier League Footballers, Wild Flowers or whatever. Find a name for all of the more commonly used letters of the alphabet (Iris for I, Jasmine for J, etc). Your password for any given site will be the name that starts with the same initial letter, plus whatever combination of numbers or other characters you select. I have moved to this method since starting to do online surveys, and it makes it so easy to remember what my password is. If you do need a written key to the names that you picked, though - please don't store it on your desktop! By Verity Pink [13] By far the best method for passwords is Roboform. You can store thousands of passwords on the cloud. Even if you lose your computer, all your passwords are safe. The only password you have to remember is your password to Roboform. When you go to a site, where you have to log in, Roboform presents you with the different user names, that you have used on that site. You select one, and hit Submit. Roboform lets you sync logins on different computers, for example work, home, laptop, etc. If you change or add a login on one machine, the others will automatically sync. You can get the basic version free at http://roboform.com I have used it for about 15 years and it never let me down. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Jack When I picked up my wife from work one afternoon, she seemed irritated. She confessed that the day hadn't gone well, and on top of everything else, a young customer had addressed her as "ma'am." "I'm not that old," she insisted. "I deserve more respect!" She vented the whole way home while hitting the scan button on the radio. Finally I asked, "What are you looking for?" She replied, "The oldies station."
On a family vacation one summer, we crossed Wyoming and noted several historical points of interest. The children were especially interested because they enjoyed the computer game "Oregon Trail," which gives players a taste of the hardships the pioneers endured. We stopped at the famous South Pass to look at the wagon tracks still visible in the dirt. Squinting out over the desolate, wind-swept landscape, my daughter nodded and said grimly, "This is where my oxen always die."

» Gourmet Paper Mache

Today in 
1833 The village of Chicago was incorporated. The population 
 was approximately 250. 
1861 The U.S. federal government levied its first income tax. 
 The tax was 3% of all incomes over $800. The wartime measure 
 was rescinded in 1872. 
1914 Electric traffic lights were installed in Cleveland, Ohio. 
1921 The first play-by-play broadcast of a baseball game was 
 done by Harold Arlin. KDKA Radio in Pittsburgh, PA described 
 the action between the Pirates and Philadelphia. 
1944 Polish insurgents liberated a German labor camp in Warsaw. 
 348 Jewish prisoners were freed. 
1953 During the Korean conflict prisoners were exchanged at 
 Panmunjom. The exchange was labeled Operation Big Switch. 
1963 The Limited Test Ban Treaty was signed by the United 
 States, Britain, and the Soviet Union. The treaty banned 
 nuclear tests in space, underwater, and in the atmosphere. 
1964 U.S. aircraft bombed North Vietnam after North Vietnamese 
 boats attacked U.S. destroyers in the Gulf of Tonkin. 
1969 The Mariner 7, a U.S. space probe, passed by Mars. 
 Photographs and scientific data were sent back to Earth. 
1981 The U.S. federal government started firing striking 
 air traffic controllers. 
1986 It was revealed that artist Andrew Wyeth had secretly 
 created 240 drawings and paintings of his neighbor. The 
 works of Helga Testorf had been created over a 15-year 
 period. 
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush angrily denounced the 
 Iraqi invasion of Kuwait. 
1991 An investigation was formally launched by Democratic 
 congressional leaders to find out if the release of American 
 hostages was delayed until after the Reagan-Bush presidential 
 election. 
1991 Iraq admitted to misleading U.N. inspectors about 
 secret biological weapons. 
1998 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein began not cooperating 
 with U.N. weapons inspectors. 
1998 Marie Noe of Philadelphia, PA was arrested and charged 
 with first-degree murder, accused of smothering eight of 
 her children to death between 1949 and 1968. Noe later 
 received 20 years' probation. 
2002 The U.S. closed its consulate in Karachi, Pakistan. 
 The consulate was closed after local authorities removed 
 large concrete blocks and reopened the road in front of 
 the building to normal traffic. 
2011 NASA announced that its Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter had 
 captured photographic evidence of possible liquid water on 
 Mars during warm seasons. 
2011 Juno was launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station 
 on a mission to Jupiter. It was the first solar-powered 
 spacecraft to go to Jupiter. Instrumentation and cameras 
 were solar powered, not propulsion.
2014  smiled.


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Positioning of computer 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, August 4

46 Degrees (110 in Olde British Imperial Fahrenhide)
on the West side of the house. I skipped my walk
and mopped the floors instead. The last Chinook had
brought a lot of ash from the forest fires on the
other side of the rockies and some fine sand.
I have no idea where it picked up that sand, but it is
not good for the floors.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a New mexico naked man, who broke into home, had a nap Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1991 The Oceanos, a Greek luxury liner, sank off of South Africa's southeast coast. All of the 402 passengers and 179 crewmembers survived.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better. --- Socratex In these matters the only certainty is that nothing is certain. --- Pliny the Elder (23 AD - 79 AD)
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Fred, an avid fisherman is returning from a fishing trip with six large size salmon in his creel. Nosy Parker comes along and asks if the man been fishing. "Yes!" replied old Fred. Asked what bait he had been using our hero replied that he had used chewing tobacco. Parker asked how one used chewing tobacco as bait, and Fred replied, "I put the tobacco on the hook in the normal way, cast in the normal way and when the fish strikes I haul back on the line to hook it. When the fish comes up to spit, I hit it on the head with the butt of my rod!
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Thanks to Robert for this story: Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today. A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February & March for their annual service charges on her credit card, & added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank here's the exchange: Family Member:"I am calling to tell you she died in January." Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees & charges still apply." Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections." Citibank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been." Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?" Citibank: "Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!" Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?" (I really liked this part!!!!) Citibank: "Excuse me?" Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you the part about her being dead?" Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor." (Duh!) (Supervisor gets on the phone): Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January." Citibank: "The account was never closed, so the late fees and charges still apply." (This must be a phrase taught by the bank!) Family Member: "Do you mean you want to collect from her estate?" Citibank: (Stammering) "Are you her lawyer?" Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew." Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?" Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given) After they get the fax: Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help." Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I really don't think she will care." Citibank: "Well, the late fees & charges do still apply." (What is wrong with these people?!?) Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?" Citibank: "Yes, that will help." Family Member: " Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69." Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!" Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Triglav National Park near the town of Bovec, Slovenia
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Walter, the Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Freddy Shelby, 30, Albuquerque, NM Naked Man Breaks Into Home, Takes Nap A New Mexico man faces charges after authorities say a couple found him naked and sleeping in their bed. Investigators say 30-year-old Freddy Shelby of Albuquerque was arrested Sunday after the homeowners called police to report their unwanted mystery guest. According to a criminal complaint, Shelby broke into the couple's home through a window and grabbed a Sprite from the refrigerator before falling asleep in the master bedroom. Authorities say the homeowners found a disrobed Shelby in a deep sleep. Officers arrived and called to the man, but he slept through it. Authorities say Shelby woke up only after an officer ripped the blankets off him. Shelby told officers he thought he was at his girlfriend's house. He was charged with breaking and entering. Tech Support Pits From: Angela Re: Computer positioning Dear Webby, I have a question about the CPU unit of my desk top. I am rearranging my work/study area and was wondering if it is safe to lay the CPU down on its side and set my printer on top of it gain more space on my computer desk. I do not want to place it on the floor because I have too many animals living in my house and do not fully trust them all to behave with it on the floor. Angela Dear Angela The CPU doesn't care, and the hard drives don't care as long as you don't put it with the front side up or down. The most important consideration is good air flow behind it. Don't shove it into a desk hutch cubbyhole, no matter which way you turn it. Laying flat, with the removable side cover side up, is just fine. That is actually better than standing upright on the floor, where the main air intake at the front bottom sucks in all the dust bunnies and pet hairs off the floor and drastically reduces cooling. Yes, I know it's stupid, but they don't want computers to last forever. Try to lay it flat on the left rear corner of your desk, with the former bottom pointing away from you. That way it sucks fresh air from the left of the desk. Especially in summer, cooling of the computer is very important. While you are moving it, pop the side cover open and vacuum it out. If you are scared of large herds of dust bunnies, get somebody else to do it, but don't neglect that chore! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Deodorant To Deter Nesting Birds We know that most birds are very sensitive to smell and odors, remember the old "canary in the coal mines" story? I have found that if you put up a "Stick-Up" deodorant disk in the corners of your patio, birds will attempt to visit the corner but they will quickly fly away. I replace them once each spring. Works especially well with nesting barn swallows! By Jeanette Jacobs [4] Canaries were used because they were cheap. When the Carbon monoxide or lack of Oxygen killed them in their cages on the floor, and they stopped chirping, then it was time to get out fast, "RFN" in Miner's lingo. They saved countless lives in the coal mines all over the world. Have Fun! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Thanks to Sandie for this story: I had purchased a talking metronome while I was attending a conference in New York for music teachers. Before my son and I boarded our flight home, I hefted my carry-on bag onto the security check conveyor belt. The guard's eyes widened as he watched the monitor. He asked what I had in the bag, then slowly pulled out the six-by-three-inch black box covered with dials and switches. Other travelers, sensing trouble, vacated the area. "A metronome," I replied weakly, as my son cringed in embarrassment. "It's a talking metronome," I insisted. "Look, I'll show you." I took the box and flipped a switch, realizing that I had no idea how it worked. "One, two, three, four," it said. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. As we gathered our belongings, my son whispered, "Aren't you glad it didn't go 'four, three, two, one'"?
The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she would write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right. A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up. A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're Looking good! How are they treating you?" Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew...... "Dumb Bastids won't let me fart!"

» Castles

Today in 
1735 Freedom of the press was established with an acquittal 
 of John Peter Zenger, a writer of the New York Weekly Journal 
 who had been charged with seditious libel by the royal 
 governor of New York. The jury said that "the truth is 
 not libelous." 
1753 George Washington became a Master Mason. 
1790 The Revenue Cutter Service was formed. This U.S. 
 naval task force was the beginning of the U.S. Coast Guard. 
1914 Britain declared war on Germany in World War I. The U.S. 
 proclaimed its neutrality. 
1944 Nazi police raided a house in Amsterdam and arrested 
 eight people. Anne Frank, a teenager at the time, was one 
 of the people arrested. Her diary would be published after 
 her death.
1954 The uranium rush began in Saskatchewan, Canada. 
1956 William Herz became the first person to race a motorcycle 
 over 200 miles per hour. He was clocked at 210 mph. 
1957 Florence Chadwick set a world record by swimming the 
 English Channel in 6 hours and 7 minutes. 
1958 The first potato flake plant was completed in Grand Forks, ND. 
1972 Arthur Bremer was found guilty of shooting George Wallace, 
 the governor of Alabama. Bremer was sentenced to 63 years in prison. 
1977 U.S. President Carter signed the measure that established 
 the Department of Energy. 
1984 Upper Volta, an African republic, changed its name to Burkina Faso. 
1987 The Fairness Doctrine was rescinded by the Federal 
 Communications Commission. The doctrine had required that radio and 
 TV stations present controversial issues in a balanced fashion. 
1990 The European Community imposed an embargo on oil from Iraq 
 and Kuwait. This was done to protest the Iraqi invasion of the 
 oil-rich Kuwait. 
1991 The Oceanos, a Greek luxury liner, sank off of South 
 Africa's southeast coast. All of the 402 passengers and 179 
 crewmembers survived. 
1997 Teamsters began a 15-day strike against UPS (United Parcel 
 Service). The strikers eventually won an increase in full-time 
 positions and defeated a proposed reorganization of the 
 company's pension plan. 
2009 North Korean leader Kim Jong-il pardoned two American 
 journalists, who had been arrested and imprisoned for illegal 
 entry earlier in the year. 
2014  smiled.


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Wired or wireless keyboard and mouse? 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, August 3

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to women in Lake Charles, LA, who left their kids alone in cars. Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1992 The U.S. Senate voted to restrict and eventually end the testing of nuclear weapons. They did not want the US to be more powerful than Mexico.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you. --- Rita Mae Brown Once the game is over, the King and the pawn go back in the same box. --- Italian Proverb "I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant." --- Robert McCloskey
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>From Karen I was on the phone trying to set up a furniture delivery. "If you would like to arrange a delivery date, please press one," the automated voice prompted me. "If you would like to confirm delivery, please press two." At that moment my three-year-old daughter let out an ear-piercing shriek. "I'm sorry," the automated voice said, "that is not a valid response."
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>From Enrica I KNOW my company has made a big effort to be family friendly, but I was baffled when I read this holiday announcement posted on the bulletin board: "All employees are invited to the annual Family Day and BBQ party on August 4. All children under the age of ten will receive a gift from the CEO. Employees who have no children may bring grandchildren."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
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Reported by Walter, the Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Princess Marks, 25, of Lake Charles, Louisiana Woman abandoned kids in car so she could perform oral sex on boyfriend in his car CALCASIEU PARISH SHERIFF'S OFFICE Princess Marks, 25, of Lake Charles, La., was arrested after she allegedly left two young children alone in her car while she performed oral sex on a boyfriend. Two Louisiana women were arrested in separate incidents on the same day for abandoning their children in cars — so they could partake in the joys of shopping and fellatio. Princess Marks, 25, of Lake Charles, left her two young children, ages 5 and 7, in an SUV so she could perform oral sex on her boyfriend about 12:40 a.m. Friday, authorities said. "Both of them were crying hysterically," Officer Kim Myers the Calcasieu Parish Sheriff's Office told the Daily News. "While the deputies were trying to calm the children down, Princess walked up about 15 minutes later." At that point, she admitted she was on the other side of the parking lot in her boyfriend's car performing oral sex, authorities said. Marks was arrested, charged with child desertion and released on a $5,000 bond. Deputies from Calcasieu Parish Sheriff's Office learned of the incident when a concerned citizen walked by the car and called the police. The SUV's windows were down. The children were placed in the care of family members. ------------- A 7 year old "crying hysterically" ? I can envision them fighting or singing like they were in the shower, but "crying hysterically" seems a bit exaggerated, unless both kids are seriously retarded. ========================= While we are in Lake Charles, LA... Later that day, about 2:30 p.m., Calcasieu Parish Sheriff's Office deputies responded to a similar call — only this time, the car was hot. Faith D. LaFleur, 26, Lake Charles left 3 children in her car in 130 degree-heat while she shopped. "A woman left three babies in a car at the Prien Lake Mall. When we did a test of the temperature, it reached 130 degrees in the car," Myers said. Faith D. LaFleur, 26, also from Lake Charles, allegedly admitted she abandoned her three children — an 11-month-old, a 5-year-old and 2-year-old — so she could go shopping. Two of the children were strapped in child seats while the other played with the keys in the ignition. An ambulance was called on scene and the children were found to be sweaty, dirty and hungry. LaFleur was arrested and charged with three counts of cruelty to a juvenile. Her bond was set at $100,000. These incidents follow several other high-profile cases of parents abandoning their children in cars — sometimes with fatal consequences. Tech Support Pits From: Kim Re: Wired or wireless keyboard and mouse Dear Webby, What is better, a wired keyboard and mouse, or a wireless combo? Kim Dear Kim Dear Kim That depends on your priorites. If you are a neat freak and the sight of the cables causes you trauma and bad dreams, then spend the extra money on a wireless combo. If faster performance and never having to pause to change batteries in the middle of an important conference call, is more important, then go for the old fashioned wired keyboard and mouse. Some manufacturers claim that their wireless combos are fast enough. That may be true for SOME users, but is not true when working at my speed. I also find it very disruptive, having to stop at the most inopportune times, to change the silly batteries. I have used wireless mice and keyboards, but nowadaus I save the $50 - $100 difference and stay with a wired keyboard and mouse. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Flyswatters as a Drain Filter Don't throw away old flyswatters. They are great drain filters for the bathtub or sink in a pinch. By Robyn [364] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for some free professional advice. "What kind of toy would you suggest giving a little boy on his third birthday?" she asked. "First I'd have to know more about the child," the psychologist hedged. The woman took a deep breath. "He's very bright and quick witted and exceptionally advanced for his age," she said. "He has good coordination, expresses himself very well..." "Oh, I see," the psychologist said, "It's YOUR child!"
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher

» Funny Icebergs

Today in 
1492 Christopher Columbus left Palos, Spain with three ships. 
 The voyage would lead him to what is now known as the 
 Americas. He reached the Bahamas on October 12. 
1900 Firestone Tire & Rubber Co. was founded. 
1914 World War I began when Britain declared war on Germany. 
1933 The Mickey Mouse Watch was introduced for the price of 
 $2.75. 
1936 The U.S. State Department advised Americans to leave Spain 
 due to the Spanish Civil War. 
1936 Jesse Owens won the first of his four Olympic gold medals. 
1943 Gen. George S. Patton verbally abused and slapped a 
 private. Later, Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower ordered him to 
 apologize for the incident. 
1956 Bedloe's Island had its name changed to Liberty Island. 
1958 The Nautilus became the first vessel to cross the 
 North Pole underwater.
1979 "More American Graffiti" was released. 
1981 U.S. traffic controllers with PATCO, the Professional 
 Air Traffic Controllers Organization, went on strike. 
 They were fired just as U.S. President Reagan had warned. 
1985 Mail service returned to a nudist colony in Paradise 
 Lake, FL. Residents promised that they'd wear clothes or 
 stay out of sight when the mailperson came to deliver. 
1988 The Soviet Union released Mathias Rust. He had been 
 taken into custody on May 28, 1987 for landing a plane 
 in Moscow's Red Square. 
1989 Hashemi Rafsanjani was sworn in as the president of Iran. 
1990 Thousands of Iraqi troops pushed within a few miles 
 of the border of Saudi Arabia. This heightened world 
 concerns that the invasion of Kuwait could spread. 
1992 The U.S. Senate voted to restrict and eventually end 
 the testing of nuclear weapons. They did not want the US 
 to be more powerful than Mexico.
1992 Russia and Ukraine agreed to put the Black Sea Fleet 
 under joint command. The agreement was to last for three 
 years. 
1995 Eyad Ismoil was flown from Jordan to the U.S. to face 
 charges that he had driven the van that blew up in New 
 York's World Trade Center. 
2004 In New York, the Statue of Liberty re-opened to the 
 public. The site had been closed since the terrorist 
 attacks on the U.S. on September 11, 2001. 
2004 NASA launched the spacecraft Messenger. The 6 1/2 
 year journey was planned to arrive at the planet Mercury 
 in March 2011. 
2009 Bolivia became the first South American country to 
 declare the right of indigenous people to govern themselves. 

2014  smiled.


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Does Google Chrome have Session Restore? 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, July 29.

Today I have the final check-up after the cataract 
operation, and tomorrow I am scheduled for injections 
into my eyeballs, IF health care pays for that, even
though I am 65. If they want $5,000 or a significant 
portion of that, I'll have to pass.
Either way, Thursday to Saturday there most likely
won't be any newsletters.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a South Carolina woman who stabbed her roommate for refusing to stop listening to the Eagles Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2005 Astronomers announced that they had discovered a new planet (Xena) larger than Pluto in orbit around the sun.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy. --- Henry Kissinger (1923 - ) Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
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On a Cathay Pacific 747 in Taipei, the following announcement was heard over the cabin PA system: "Ladies and gentlemen, we are overbooked and are offering anyone $1,000 plus a seat on the next flight in exchange for their seat on this flight." After a short pause, the offer was repeated with the amendment that it did not apply to the crew assigned to the flight.
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A little boy was roughhousing with his dog. His mother said to him, "Now, Peter, I know you love Wowser, but you're loving him too much. How would you feel if someone huge picked you up and squeezed you so hard you couldn't breathe?" The boy thought a moment and then said, "I guess I'd feel like it was my birthday and Aunt Doreen was here!"
Click on the picture for the large version Prunerov, CZ, coal fired power plant in Czech Republic.
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Reported by Walter, the Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Vernett Bader, North Charleston, SC South Carolina, 54, woman who stabbed her roommate for refusing to stop listening to the Eagles Police in South Carolina arrested a North Charleston woman Monday night after she allegedly stabbed her roommate multiple times for refusing to stop playing music by the classic rock band The Eagles. According to the official report, Vernett Bader, 54, became irritated with her 64-year-old roommate (and one-time boyfriend) after he rejected her pleas to turn off the Eagles and told her to "shut up." Bader then entered the kitchen and grabbed a serrated knife, which she subsequently used to stab her roommate several times in the arm, hand, and elbow. The roommate and his brother managed to wrestle the knife away from Bader, but she quickly retrieved another knife from the kitchen. All three were intoxicated at the time, per the report. It's unclear which of the band's songs drove Bader over the edge, but police have narrowed down the possible suspects to "Witchy Woman," "Take It Easy," "Peaceful Easy Feeling," "Take It to the Limit," "One of These Nights," "Tequila Sunrise," and "Hotel California" on repeat. Bader confessed to the crime, but claimed it was an act of self-defense to counter her roommate's choking. Investigators say Bader did not have any visible marks on her neck. Police charged Bader with criminal domestic violence of a high and aggravated nature and she was booked into the Charleston County jail, where she remained held as of this afternoon. Tech Support Pits From: Chris Re: Does Chrome have a Session restore? Dear Webby, I tried Chrome after you suggested it. It is indeed a lot faster than FireFox. However, it sure seems to be missing some ameninties. It is way too easy to accidentally closing it. For example, if you need to see the HTML of a page, it's CTRL U, just like in Firefox. So far so good. However, when you want to close the Code View with ALT F4, just like in FireFox, then you close Chrome and all your open tabs are GONE. VERRRY BARRRBARRRIC! I learned the hard way that I have to pay attention and close the Code View with CTRL F4 instead. When absentminded habit takes over, Chrome shuts down and forgets all the tabs. Is there some way to do a Session Restore in Chrome? Thanks Chris Dear Chris I agree that some parts of Chrome are still incompetent. Same as with Gmail, some snooty yuppies decide what is good for you. What works some of the time is to hit CTRL SHIFT T a few seconds after Chrome re-opens, and restore closed tabs. You can hit the 3 bars at the right top, Settings and change the ON STARTUP choice to "Continue where I left off" It helps most of the time, but is a bit erratic. There is a third party extension called Session Buddy, that seems to be very popular for saving your sessions. You can get it free from Session Buddy Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stopping the Burn from Spicy Food If you cook something that is very hot and spicy, I suggest that you serve it with some milk to drink with the meal. Milk products help stop the burn left in your mouth from hot, spicy food. Also, you could have ice cream or something like that for dessert! By Robin from Washington, IA Better yet is some bread. A lot of people have a lactose intolerance and can't drink milk, but even people with gluten allergies can take a bit of bread. Most of the gluten is in the crust, but it is the soft inner part, that sponges the hot stuff off the tongue. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

For best results, read this one out loud! "Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." The operator pauses. "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."
When I was younger, I believed the line was "Lead a snot into temptation." I thought I was praying for my little sister to get into trouble. ------ When my older brother was very young, he always walked up to the church altar with my mother when she took communion. On one occasion, he tugged at her arm and asked, "What does the priest say when he gives you the bread?" Mom whispered something in his ear. Imagine his shock many years later when he learned that the priest doesn't say, "Be quiet until you get to your seat."

» Funny Icebergs

Today in 
1588 The English defeated the Spanish Armada in the Battle 
 of Gravelines. 
1754 The first international boxing match was held. The 
 25-minute match was won when Jack Slack of Britain knocked 
 out Jean Petit from France. 
1914 The first transcontinental telephone service was 
 inaugurated when two people held a conversation between 
 New York, NY and San Francisco, CA. 
1940 John Sigmund of St. Louis, MO, completed a 292-mile 
 swim down the Mississippi River. The swim from St. Louis 
 to Caruthersville, MO took him 89 hours and 48 minutes. 
1957 The International Atomic Energy Agency was established. 
1958 The National Aeronautics and Space Administration 
 (NASA) was authorized by the U.S. Congress. 
1968 Pope Paul VI reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's 
 stance against artificial methods of birth control. 
1975 OAS (Organization of American States) members voted 
 to lift collective sanctions against Cuba. The U.S. 
 government welcomed the action and announced its intention 
 to open serious discussions with Cuba on normalization. 
1981 England's Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer were 
 married. 
1985 General Motors announced that Spring Hill, TN, would 
 be the home of the Saturn automobile assembly plant. 
1993 The Israeli Supreme Court acquitted retired Ohio 
 autoworker John Demjanjuk of being Nazi death camp guard 
 "Ivan the Terrible." His death sentence was thrown out 
 and he was set free. 
1997 Minamata Bay in Japan was declared free of mercury 
 40 years after contaminated food fish were blamed for 
 deaths and birth defects. 
1998 The United Auto Workers union ended a 54-day strike 
 against General Motors. The strike caused $2.8 billion 
 in lost revenues. 
2005 Astronomers announced that they had discovered a 
 new planet (Xena) larger than Pluto in orbit around the sun.
2014  smiled.


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Has Firefox gone bad? 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, July 28.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a NY Woman, who trashed salon over bad hairdo Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1866 - The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress for the standardization of weights and measures throughout the United States. Most states still don't teach it. 1945 - A U.S. Army bomber crashed into the 79th floor of New York City's Empire State Building. 14 people were killed and 26 were injured.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. --- Thomas Szasz,
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Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?" "Yeah," says the other cowboy. "Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction." Just then the Indian raises his head and says: "White Ford Pick-Up, 4 people in front, a dozen in the back, big party" "Wow, you can tell all that by listening to the ground ?" "Nah, I fell off the truck"
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A young man said to his girlfriend's father, "I realize that this is only a formality, but would you mind me marrying your daughter?" "Who says it's ONLY A FORMALITY?" roared the father angrily. "Her obstetrician and her lawyer!" replied the young man.
Click on the picture for the large version Temelin town and powerplant, color overlaid with Infrared picture. Look at the heat of the town compared to the warm power plant chimneys. And note the clean, but warm air from the chimneys. They take air from ground level and blow it through huge radiators to cool the used steam from the powerplant. What they blow out at the top is simply warm air. No CO2 or pollutants of any kind added.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rachel Meyers, 26, New York City, NY Woman trashed salon over bad hairdo Incensed over an allegedly botched hairdo, a New York City woman tore up a Manhattan salon, throwing chairs, hair dryers, and assorted beauty products in a rampage that ended with her in handcuffs, according to investigators. Rachel Meyers, 26, was arrested Friday afternoon following the ruckus at the Century 27 Beauty Salon on Beaver Street in the financial district. Meyers, a Manhattan resident, was charged with five misdemeanors, including assault, harassment, and criminal possession of a weapon. During her meltdown, Meyers threw a curling iron stand at another patron, according to a criminal complaint sworn by Officer Robert Rastetter. The stand struck the 52-year-old victim, “causing a laceration, bruising, and substantial pain in her knee,” Rastetter noted. Meyers, pictured above, reportedly quarreled with stylists over treatment that left her hair in knots. Meyers is next due in Manhattan Criminal Court on September 10. Tech Support Pits From: Amanda Re: Has Firefox gone bad? Dear Webby, Is it just my machine, or is the current FireFox a slow dud, that keeps bunging up? I have to keep dumping it with the task manager and restarting it all the time. Is there another browser, that you would recommend? Thanks Amanda Dear Amanda Yes, the current version is indeed a dud. So was the previous one. You would have to go back about five versions to get a fast one. Currently FireFox can not be recommended any more. Maybe they will recover some day. Nobody knows. You can try Google Chrome. It is very fast and does not bung up. However, Chrome takes a bit of getting used to. Chrome does not have a big, bulky top. You can set HotKeys to open things like RoboForm. I set CTRL R for RoboForm. Like I said, it takes some getting used to, but unlike Windows 7 and 8, their stuff makes sense. Not having a whole window-wide bar for Roboform shaves half an inch or more off the top bars when not needed, and goes away after use. The color rendering seems to be more crisp and the fonts are nice and sharp, just as good as Safari. Safari is the Mac browser. It works on Windows machines, but is rather primitive compared to FireFox, Internet Explorer, Opera and Chrome. Safari is still the browser of choice for reading eBooks or long User Agreements, but few Windows users use Safari for anything else. Internet Explorer has security issues and does not mesh with a lot of programs, and is rather slow. Opera is not free any more and crashes ocasionally. So, in summary, currently Chrome is the best browser. Take a bit of time getting used to it. It's not rocket science and almost all of it you'll figure out without clicking on help. For example, you can "Show the Bookmarks Bar", and drag the little icon from the left of the address bar onto it. It is called "favicon". You can cut the sample bookmark, that they got in it. The Bookmarks Bar has a folder to get started. Rename that to F1 or F and drag favicons onto it. Make more topical folders for different topics and keep the bar from getting too crowded. It is actually quite neat once you get used to it. And it is fast! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Natural Ideas for Ant Control My neighbor had a huge pile of cement ants. She used a mix of 50/50 baking soda and powered sugar. They were gone the next day. I thought the sugar would attract them but it worked. I have used soapy water as well. Ants don't like peppermint either, use oil not candy. By roberta paige [1] Cinnamon works quite well too, and corn starch, also cement, lime (construction, not the fruit), and probably a lot of other fine ground materials. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A FARM WAS SOLD to some city folks. The old farmer next door was out one day and saw the new neighbor planting in his garden. The farmer watched as the man would dig a hole, set a tomato plant and pour in a shot of whiskey. The farmer couldn’t help but ask what he was planting. “Stewed tomatoes,” was the reply.
Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under ... you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Shakey. Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars." "Is that so! How?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Nobody under there now."

» Butchart Gardens

Today in 
1821 - Peru declared its independence from Spain. 
1866 - The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress
 for the standardization of weights and measures throughout 
 the United States. Most states still don't teach it.
1914 - World War I officially began when Austria-Hungary 
 declared war on Serbia, a state of the empire, for not 
 handing over the assassin of the crown prince and his wife, 
 and England decided to side with far away Serbia. Then
 Russia also joined England.
1932 - Federal troops forcibly dispersed the "Bonus Army" 
 of World War I veterans who had gathered in Washington, DC. 
 They were demanding money they were not scheduled to 
 receive until 1945. 
1942 - L.A. Thatcher received a patent for a coin-operated 
 mailbox. The device stamped envelopes when money was 
 inserted. 
1945 - A U.S. Army bomber crashed into the 79th floor of 
 New York City's Empire State Building. 14 people were 
 killed and 26 were injured. 
1965 - U.S. President Johnson announced he was increasing 
 the number of American troops in South Vietnam from 
 75,000 to 125,000. 
1982 - San Francisco, CA, became the first city in the U.S. 
 to ban handguns. 
1994 - Kenny Rogers (Texas Rangers) pitched the 14th perfect 
 game in major league baseball history. 
1998 - Bell Atlantic and GTE announced $52 billion deal 
 that created the second-largest phone company. 
1998 - Serbian military forces seized the Kosovo town 
 of Malisevo. 
1998 - Monica Lewinsky received blanket immunity from 
 prosecution to testify before a grand jury about her 
 relationship with U.S. President Clinton. 
2006 - Researchers announced that two ancient reptiles 
 had been found off Australia. The Umoonasaurus and 
 Opallionectes were the first of their kind to be found 
 in the period soon after the Jurassic era.
2014  smiled.


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How not to loose text in power failure 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, July 27.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Drunk woman sleeping in a car at the mall Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1980 The deposed shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, died in a hospital near Cairo, Egypt.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. --- Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790), How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live. --- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)
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>From Sandie A SOUTHERNER vacationing in Maine stopped at a small convenience store to buy some souvenirs. As he stood in line to pay for his purchases, the southerner was amused by the accent of some local lobster fishermen, who were in the store discussing the day’s catch. Stepping up to the cash register, the tourist commented to the clerk, “Some people around here sure talk with funny accents.” “Aye-yuh,” the clerk replied, “but thay’ll all be gohne by Laybor Day.”
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Garden Classic: GOD: Frank , you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colours by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles. Saint FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass. GOD: Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colourful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there? ST. FRANCIS : Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn. GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy. ST. FRANCIS : Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it --sometimes twice a week. GOD: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay? ST. FRANCIS : Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags. GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it? ST. FRANCIS : No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away. GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away? ST. FRANCIS : Yes, Sir. GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work. ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it. GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life. ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away. GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose? ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves. GOD: And where do they get this mulch? ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch. GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight? ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It's a story about.... GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Suzanne Morales, 45, Boca Raton, Florida Florida woman in lingerie tried to run over cop Florida police say a woman wearing only lingerie tried to run over an officer who woke her while she slept in her car. No one was injured, but according to WPTV.com, police allegedly had to break out a window to subdue 45 year old Suzanne Morales, of Boca Raton. The incident occurred Monday morning in the parking lot of the Town Center Mall in Boca Raton. Someone who saw a scantily clad woman inside a vehicle, called the Boca Raton Police Department at about 9 a.m., the Sun Sentinel reports. According to Browardpalmbeach.com, responding officers suspected Morales was drunk because they could smell alcohol. The officers reportedly knocked on one of the car windows. Morales allegedly refused to roll down her windows or exit the vehicle. It was at that point, police say, that their investigation took a dangerous turn. Morales, according to WPTV.com, backed her car up, nearly hitting an officer and scraped another car in the mall parking lot before her vehicle came to a stop. After breaking out the rear window of the vehicle, police took Morales into custody and charged her with aggravated assault and obstructing an officer without violence. Morales is being held at the Palm Beach County Jail in lieu of $10,000 bail. Tech Support Pits From: Ellie Re: Lost poem again Dear Webby, Two problems: 1. I am three verses into “Dear Lord” poem today. 5 minutes ago. Screen goes blank and I DID NOT HIT A KEY AT ALL! I was still on the page but had no poem and could not retrieve it and it was good but no longer in my memory. What would you have done if it were you, could you have saved it? 2. A few days ago we had to remove a lot of bad downloads added since I got my new computer last year and I noticed I no longer get my daily Humor Letter. Could you please sign me up again, I did really enjoy it. Thanks, Ellie Dear Ellie Judging by the "“" microslop in your email, you are using Microsoft Word or something similar. You can set Auto-Save in that. Just hit F1 when in that program, and search for AutoSave. I write stuff either in Eudora, my email program, or in NoteTab. Both have Auto-Save. NoteTab is at http://notetab.com You can have dozens of tabs open, with unfinished poems. Just set the AutoSave at 2 minutes. Save each poem under a new name as soon as you start it. The AutoSave will save it automatically. Then, when one is finished, I can paste it into a card or email or web page. Re your Humor Letter: k********@gmail.com IS subscribed. Check your SPAM folder. You may have to make a filter to keep it out of SPAM. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Rain for Cleaning Throw Rugs I found out by accident the best way to clean my old throw rugs. I washed them and hung them on the clothesline outside. Then it rained, and rained and rained. To my surprise, they were cleaner then when I first hung them out. No more machine washing of rugs for me, now I just hang them out on the line when I hear it's going to rain. By April [7] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a female pedestrian. She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention. She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the truck's path, and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the curb and stopped. I rushed to the woman's side to see if she was all right. "I'm fine," she assured me, "but I hate to think what could have happened to me if that dog hadn't honked."
Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Bill didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Bill hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Bill lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him. A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill, but one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold! --there sat Bill! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, "For crying out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?" Bill replied, "I have been in jail." "Jail?" cried Sam. "What in the world for?" "Well," Bill said, "you know Sue, that cute little redheaded waitress at the coffee shop that we sometimes go to?" "Yeah," said Sam, "I remember her. What about her?" "Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty' and the judge gave me 30 days for perjury."

» Butchart Gardens

Today in 
1214 At the Battle of Bouvines in France, Philip Augustus 
 of France defeated John of England.
1245 Frederick II was deposed by a council at Lyons after 
 they found him guilty of sacrilege.
1663 The British Parliament passed a second Navigation Act, 
 which required all goods bound for the colonies be sent in 
 British ships from British ports.
1689 Government forces defeated the Scottish Jacobites at 
 the Battle of Killiecrankie.
1777 The marquis of Lafayette arrived in New England to 
 help the rebellious American colonists fight the British.
1778 The British and French fleets fought to a standoff in 
 the first Battle of Ushant.
1866 Cyrus Field successfully completed the Atlantic Cable. 
 It was an underwater telegraph from North America to Europe.
1909 Orville Wright set a record for the longest airplane 
 flight. He was testing the first Army airplane and kept it 
 in the air for 1 hour 12 minutes and 40 seconds.
1914 British troops invaded the streets of Dublin, Ireland, 
 and began to disarm Irish rebels.
1918 The Socony 200 was launched. It was the first concrete 
 barge and was used to carry oil.
1921 Canadian biochemist Frederick Banting and associates 
 announced the discovery of the hormone insulin.
1940 Bugs Bunny made his official debut in the Warner Bros. 
 animated cartoon "A Wild Hare."
1944 U.S. troops completed the liberation of Guam.
1947 The World Water Ski Organization was founded in 
 Geneva, Switzerland.
1953 The armistice agreement that ended the Korean War 
 was signed at Panmunjon, Korea.
1955 The Allied occupation of Austria ended.
 I remember that! All school kids got speeches 
 and a BIG hotdog!
1964 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson sent an additional 
 5,000 advisers to South Vietnam.
1965 In the U.S., the Federal Cigarette Labeling and 
 Advertising Act was signed into law. The law required 
 health warnings on all cigarette packages.
1967 U.S. President Johnson appointed the Kerner 
 Commission to assess the causes of the violence in the 
 wake of urban rioting.
1974 The U.S. Congress asked for impeachment procedures 
 against President Richard Nixon.
1980 The deposed shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, 
 died in a hospital near Cairo, Egypt.
1993 IBM's new chairman, Louis V. Gerstner, Jr., announced 
 an $8.9 billion plan to cut the company's costs.
2003 It was reported by the BBC (British Broadcasting Corp.) 
 that there was no monster in Loch Ness. The investigation 
 used 600 separate sonar beams and satellite navigation 
 technology to trawl the loch. Reports of sightings of the 
 "Loch Ness Monster" began in the 6th century.
2006 Intel Corp introduced its Core 2 Duo microprocessors.
2014  smiled.


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