How do I open .swf files?
Thursday, March 11, 2010, 03:15 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Thursday, March 11, 2010
You cannot escape the responsibility of
tomorrow by evading it today.
--- Abraham Lincoln:
Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while,
nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation.
--- Kin Hubbard
A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on their first
morning in Camp. He was surprised to see one of the
youngsters had an umbrella. The counselor asked,
"Why did you bring an umbrella to camp?"
The kid answered, "Did you ever have a mother?"
One Sunday a priest announced he was passing out minature
crosses made of palm leaves. "Put this cross in the room where
your family argues most," he advised. "When you look at it, the
cross will remind you that God is watching."
When the parishoners were leaving church, a woman walked up
to the priest, shook his hand and said, "I'll take five."
Thanks to my dad for this picture:
Dendrobium
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a 41 year old Swedish fake pilot
Bogus pilot arrested just before take-off
A Swedish man without a valid pilot's licence has been arrested at
Amsterdam as he was about to fly a jet with 101 passengers to Turkey.
The 41-year-old man said he had been flying for European
airlines for 13 years and had logged 10,000 hours, reports the BBC.
Police said he once had a licence to fly small planes but it had
expired and it did not allow him to fly large jets.
Reports say the man was relieved his long deception was
uncovered and tore off his pilot's stripes in the cockpit.
Turkey's Corendon Airlines said he had been flying for the
airline for two years and had "expertly misled the company
with his false papers".
The airline said it had been alerted by police and had a pilot
standing by to fly the Boeing 737 from Amsterdam's Schiphol
airport to Ankara.
Dutch police were acting on a tip-off from Swedish authorities.
The man is in custody awaiting trial for forging documents and
flying without a licence.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Phyllis
Re: How do I open .swf files?
Dear Webby,
First, I want to tell you how very much I enjoy this newsletter
on a daily basis! There is always something to smile about,
ponder, and learn from! Thank you so much!
Now, I have a question, and I hope you can help me. I have a
HP with Vista Home Premium program, and for some reason,
I can't open any attachment that is .swf. What is the reason,
and can I remedy the situation?
Thanks so much for your help, in advance!!!
Sincerely,
Phyllis
Dear Phyllis
Just go to my Tool Box and download the Adobe Flash Player.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss
their home lives, one said, "Seems like all Alfred and I do
anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds."
"Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend.
"Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least another
fifteen pounds first."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Scrapbooking Material From Surprising Sources
While I don't scrapbook, my new sewing machine gave me tons
of scrapbooking materials, if I was inclined! The manufacturer
published a second full manual in a language I don't speak or
understand. I can cut that up for scrapbooking pages -
there's diagrams, pictures, line art, and frames that
would be cool to use.
By Dorrie from Norman, OK
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
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A couple trying to break into society hosted a dinner party. As
the guests were enjoying their dinner salad, the maid called
the hostess from the table. The maid informed her that the cat
had climbed on the kitchen table and eaten a large portion of
the salmon's midsection.
The hostess decided to quickly drive to the store and get some
canned salmon to fill the eaten portion.
As the guests were enjoying the fish, the maid called the hostess
into the kitchen and announced while wringing her hands,
"Madam, the cat is dead."
The hostess and her husband informed the guests and
suggested it might be best if everyone went to the hospital and
had their stomachs pumped.
Returning home, the couple asked the maid where she had put
the cat. "It is still out on the road where you ran over it when
you went to get the canned salmon."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
A man was bragging about his sister who disguised herself
as a man and joined the army.
"But, wait a minute," said the listener, "She'll have to dress
with the boys and shower with them too. Won't she?"
"Sure," replied the man.
"Well, won't they find out?"
The man shrugged, "So far, none of them complained."
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Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
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How do I make destop links to sites?
Wednesday, March 10, 2010, 03:04 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Wenesday, March 10, 2010
There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else.
--- James Thurber
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
--- A. H. Weiler
Thanks to Cookie for this story:
Little Matthew was 9 years old and was staying with his
grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside
with the other kids for a while when he came into the
house and asked her,
'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the
same room and one is on top of the other?'
She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him
the truth. 'It's called sexual intercourse, darling.'
Little Matthew said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to
play with the other kids..
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily,
'Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse.. It's called
Bunk Beds..
And Jimmie's mom wants to talk to you.'
Thanks to Sandie for this story:
"I have a problem," Suzanne complained to her friend,
"I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining
that they can never reach me."
"Don't you have a phone in your car?" asked the friend.
"That was too expensive, so I did the next best thing.
I put a mailbox in my car."
"A mail box? Does that work?"
"Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."
"And why do you think that is?"
Suzanne thought for a moment, then replied,
"I figure it's because when I'm driving around,
my zip code keeps changing."
The first Norwegian Icebreaker heads up the Mississippi
As you may have seen on the news, it's been very cold in the
Midwest, so cold in fact that we have borrowed a Norwegian
Icebreaker from Minnesota to unclog the Mississippi, starting
near Davenport and working its way north. Here is the first
picture of it as it begins the hard work required to break up
the ice.
Tom W
Norwegian Icebreaker
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Alen Nguyen, 22, in Winter Haven, Florida
Tried to redeem winners at same store where stole the tickets
BARTOW, Fla. (AP) - A Winter Haven man was arrested after
authorities say he took a winning scratch-off ticket back to the store
he had stolen it from a day earlier.
The Polk County Sheriff's Office reports that 22-year-old Alen Nguyen
stole $70 worth of scratch-off lottery tickets from a Circle K store on
Sunday.
One of the tickets revealed a $50 prize.
When Nguyen went back to the store on Monday to claim the
money, a clerk who was aware of the theft asked Nguyen for his
driver's license and wrote down the information.
The clerk called the authorities, and deputies went to arrest Nguyen.
He was charged with retail theft and later released on $250 bail.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Carol
Re: How do I make destop links to sites?
Dear Webby,
how can I get links to sites I use frequently to be sent to my destop?
I use Windows XP Service pack 3.
Thanks!
Carol
Dear Carol
Browse to a site that you want a shortcut icon for,
then grab the little icon at the left side in the browser
address bar, and drag it to the desktop, or to a thematic
folder on the desktop.
That's all there is to it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Thanks to Roland for this story:
One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, "When we
were first married, you took the small piece of steak and
gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me
the smaller. You don't love me any more?"
"Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you just cook
better now."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Bleach Water to Control Gnats
Recently our house has been overrun with gnats. I followed all your
suggestions, nothing worked. I finally called an exterminator, he
couldn't come but he told us to pour scalding water down every
drain in our house and follow it up with bleach.
They said we may have to do it several times before we can see
it is effective. We used 2 gallons of scalding hot water for each
drain and followed up with a quart of bleach for each drain.
I wanted to pass this along cause it is really a problem this year.
By BJ from Mid Missouri
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Joan had a system for labeling leftover meals in the freezer .
She would carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or
"Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables" or "Chicken and
Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie."
Everyday when she asked her husband what he wanted for
dinner, he never asked for any of those meals. She decided
to stock the freezer with his various requests. What he really likes.
So now you'll see a whole new set of labels: "Whatever",
"Anything", "I Don't Know", "I Don't Care", "Something Good",
or "Food" .
No more frustration for Joan, because no matter what her
husband replies when she asks him what he wants for dinner,
it's there waiting.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Linda and Jill are having coffee when Linda notices
that Jill seems troubled and asks her, "Is something
bugging you? You look anxious."
"Well, my boyfriend just lost all his money and life
savings in the stock market," Jill explained.
"Oh, that's too bad," Linda sympathized. "I'm sure
you're feeling sorry for him."
"Yeah, I am," Jill said. "He'll miss me."
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Can you run Norton and McAfee together on one machine?
Tuesday, March 9, 2010, 02:54 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Tuesday, March 9, 2010
“America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the
system, but too early to shoot the bastards."
--- Fred Maslack
Bob and Katie were having a discussion about family finances.
Finally Bob exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house
wouldn't be here!"
Katie replied, "If it weren't for your money,
I wouldn't be here either."
A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being cross-examined.
The lawyer thundered at him: "Have you ever been married?"
"Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once."
"Whom did you marry?"
"Well, a woman."
The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman. Did
you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?"
And the witness said meekly, "MY mother did."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
Near Bogota, Columbia
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a woman in Bochum, Germany
German police summoned over forgotten vibrator
BERLIN (AFP) – A woman in Germany phoned police after hearing
"suspicious noises" in her flat, but much to her embarrassment
officers found the source was a vibrator, authorities said Friday.
The noise was so loud and strange, even over the telephone, that
police in Bochum in western Germany decided to send a patrol
car around to the "scene of the crime", a statement said.
"Daringly, and with the occupier's permission, one of the officers
opened the drawer of a wardrobe where the noise was coming from.
"Underneath some clothes he found a very personal, battery-operated
object which was switched on.
The tenant's face abruptly changed colour."
Police then "wished her a nice evening and left".
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Joyce
Re: Can you run Norton and McAfee together?
I was wondering if you can run Norton with McAfee
I have always used Norton & worked great until my computer
acted up the other day. Now i can't even open up other sites.
Can you tell me if you know if you can get a virus form
You Tube I am always cafefull on what i open
Thank You
Joyce
Dear Joyce
Your computer worked great, because you were careful,
probably not because you have Norton. As you found out,
Norton did not adequately protect you.
.
What makes it worse is that Norton is as difficult to remove
as a trojam pr virus, and makes virus removal even more
difficult.
There is a Norton Remover in my Tool Box. After using that,
you can do a clean install of McAfee or Kapersky
Running two different anti-virus programs is generally not
a good idea. Quite often they get into a pissing contest and
put each other's virus detection tables into Quarantine.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A traveling evangelist always put on a grand finale at his revival
meetings, When he was to preach at a church, he would secretly
hire a small boy to sit in the ceiling rafters with a dove in a cage.
Toward the end of his sermon, the preacher would shout for the
Holy Spirit to come down, and the boy in the rafters would dutifully
release the dove.
At one revival meeting, however, nothing happened when the
preacher called for the Holy Spirit to desend. He again raised his
arms and exclaimed: "Come down, Holy Spirit!"
Still no sign of the dove.
The preacher then heard the anxious voice of a small boy call
down from the rafters:
"Sir, a big black cat just ate the Holy Spirit.
Shall I throw down the cat?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Make Bag Salads for Camping
Camping is a great family time but you always don't have
lots of room for cooking and storage. I make what we call
a bag salad. You cook all your favorite ingredients (pasta or
potato salad) and put in a Ziploc bag. Add your seasonings
and dressing and just mix with bag closed, carefully squishing.
Store in cooler till ready to serve. You can serve from the
bag or put in a dish. Happy camping to all.
By Sillepeanut from Whitehall, MI
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A gentleman goes to an estate sale and notices that one of the
items for sale is a large parrot.
He's always wanted a talking bird, so when it comes up for bid he
offers $50.
The bidding proceeds hot and heavy with someone always
bidding ten dollars more than he until the parrot is finally sold to
him for $1,500. When he goes to get the bird, he asks the
auctioneer,
"Can the bird talk?"
The auctioneer replied, "Who do you think was bidding against
you?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
It was testimony night in the church. A lady got up and said,
"We are living in a wicked land where sin is on every hand. I have
had a terrible fight with the old devil all week."
Whereupon her husband, who was sitting glumly by her side said,
"It's not all the devil's fault; she's not that easy to get along with
either on some days."
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How to get rid of lsas.blaster.keylogger
Monday, March 8, 2010, 03:33 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Monday, March 8, 2010
Most advances in science come when a person for one reason or
another is forced to change fields.
--- Peter Borden
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is
the belief that one's work is terribly important.
--- Bertrand Russell
A wife sent her husband and their daughter to the health food
store with a carefully prepared shopping list. They returned
with brussel sprouts, organically grown tomatoes, wild rice, tofu,
veggie burgers, celery stalks, ....
and a box of chocolate cookies.
The man noticed his wife's hostile glare when she pulled out the
cookies. So he said, "Hey, this box of cookies has one-third
less sugar AND fat than usual!"
"Really? And just why is that?" she asked icily.
"We ate a third of the cookies on the way home," he grinned.
Marcy walks into a drug store and asks the clerk if she can use
the store's baby scale.
"Sorry, ma'am," says the clerk. "Our baby scale is broken. But we
can figure the baby's weight if we weigh mother and baby
together on the adult scale, and then weigh the mother
alone, and subtract the second number from the first."
"Oh, that won't work," says Marcy.
"Why not?" asks the clerk.
"Because," she answers, "I'm not the mother - I'm the aunt."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Megan Mariah Barnes, 37 from the Flodiduh Keys
Driver lacked razor-sharp focus
BY ADAM LINHARDT Citizen Staff
alinhardt@keysnews.com
As authorities nationwide warn motorists of the dangers of
driving while texting, Florida Keys law enforcement officers
add a new caution: Don't try to shave your privates, either.
Florida Highway Patrol troopers say a two-vehicle crash
Tuesday at Mile Marker 21 on Cudjoe Key was caused by
a 37-year-old woman driver who was shaving her bikini area
while her ex-husband took the wheel from the passenger seat.
"She said she was meeting a boyfriend in Key West and
wanted to be ready for the visit," Trooper Gary Dunick said.
"If I wasn't there, I wouldn't have believed it. About 10 years
ago I stopped a guy in the exact same spot ... who had three
or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal
and I thought, 'Nothing will ever beat this.' Well, this takes it."
If that weren't enough, Megan Mariah Barnes was not supposed
to be driving and her 1995 Ford Thunderbird was not supposed
to be on the road.
The day before the wreck, Barnes was convicted in an Upper
Keys court of DUI with a prior and driving with a suspended
license, said Monroe County Assistant State Attorney Colleen
Dunne. Barnes was ordered to impound her car, and her driver's
license was revoked for five years, after which time she must
have a Breathalyzer ignition interlock device on any vehicle she
drives, Dunne said. Barnes also was sentenced to nine months'
probation.
Barnes and Charles Judy were southbound in her Thunderbird
at 11 a.m. when they slammed into the back of a 2006 Chevrolet
pickup driven by David Schoff of Palm Bay. His passengers were
a man and two women; the latter were treated for minor injuries
at Lower Keys Medical Center, FHP spokesman Alex Annunziato said.
Schoff had slowed to about 5 mph to make a turn when the
Thunderbird hit him.
Barnes allegedly drove another half-mile, then switched seats with
Mr Judy, who allegedly claimed to be driving, Annunziato said.
"She jumps in the back seat and he moves over," Dunick said. "It was
like the old comedy bit, 'Who's on first?' "
Burns on Judy's chest from the passenger-side airbag deploying
belied their story, Dunick said. The airbag in the steering wheel
did not deploy, he said.
Troopers charged Barnes with driving with a revoked license,
reckless driving, leaving the scene of a wreck with injuries and
driving with no insurance. Mr Judy was not charged.
Barnes faces a maximum of a year in jail if found guilty of violating
her probation due to the wreck, Dunne said.
"My phone has been ringing off the hook all day, and I know there's
a funny side to this, but it's also deadly serious. This is a scary road
and a lot of bad wrecks are caused by dumb stuff like this," Dunick said.
"It is unbelievable. I'm really starting to believe this stuff only happens in
the Keys."
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Jai
Re: lsas.blaster.keylogger
Dear Webby
The worm/virus lsas.blaster.keyloger has taken over
my pc. It will not alllow me to do anything on it at all.
It will not let into it to do any repairs. We went to a site
on google by typing in lsas, and it had a removal
suggestion, and a stop process there. It will not allow
me to do either of them. It will throw up the window for
a minisecond, and then it is gone.
Can you nelp me, do you know what to do??? I am on a
neighbors pc, and have my lappie right here too.
Please help me asap...
Thanks,
Jai
Dear Jai
Try using that remover in Safe Mode.
Reboot your computer and keep hitting F8 during the boot,
until you get the choice of boot type.
Select Safe Mode,
then run that remover.
If that doesn't help,
restart in Safe Mode with networking
and try this:
http://darfuns.com/remove-trojan-lsas-b ... keylogger/
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Dear Webby
Your fix worked perfectly! The nasties are gone, and I have
my pc back without having to pay for it as they were demanding.
I knew you would know how to fix it, thank you sooo much for
helping.
Jai
In the back woods of Tennessee, a redneck's wife went into labor
in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist
in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed
the father-to-be a lantern and said,
"Here, you hold this high so I can see what I am doing."
Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
"Whoa there," said the doctor,
"Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's
another one coming".
Sure enough, within minutes, he had delivered a baby girl.
"Hold that lantern up, don't set it down, there's another one!" said
the doctor.
Within a few minutes he had delivered another baby girl.
"No, no, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern.
..it seems there's yet another one coming!"
cried the doctor. The redneck scratched his head in
bewilderment, and asked the doctor,
"You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Take Your Lunch in a Cloth Tote Bag
To save paper and money, I take my lunch to work every
day in a cloth tote bag that I bought at the Dollar Store.
It is about 10x10 inch square and has a nice handle.
When I come home, I just put my lunch bag in the fridge
so I can find it fast in the morning. I never run out of
paper bags, I save money, and it's a good way to
reduce waste.
By Laurie from Portland, OR
You can step that up to deluxe, if you
put a bubble-wrap lined padded manila envelope with
re-sealable flap into it. If you have to fly, you just slide
the envelope into your laptop or brief-case, and avoid those
horendously overpriced stale airline sandwiches, that you
can buy nowadays instead of the free meal you used to get.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A pastor was giving a lesson to a group of children on the 23rd
Psalm. He noticed that one of the little boys seemed disquieted
by the phrase
"Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my
life..."
"What's wrong with that, Johnny?" the pastor asked.
"Well," answered Johnny, "I understand about having goodness
and mercy folowing me around.
But I don't want Shirley following me around all the time. She's a
gossip and a spoilsport!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
The average income of the modern teenager is about 2 a.m.
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Sunday, March 7, 2010, 02:25 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Sunday, March 7, 2010
Machines take me by surprise with great frequency.
--- Alan Turing
The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy
people who are not in them.
--- Socratex
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to
be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew
before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
--- Paul Dirac
There was a fairly wealthy 70 year-old man who had just
married a beautiful 25-year-old young lady.
One of his long time friends said to him, "How did you get
that gorgeous woman to marry a 70 year-old guy like you?"
The man leaned over and whispered to his friend,
"It was easy. I simply told her that I was 90 and had heart
problems, and she instantly fell in love with me."
People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
Snow drifts on frozen lakes
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to 41-year-old Kim Yoo-chul and his 25-year-old wife,
Choi Mi-sun in Seoul, Korea
Baby Starved as Couple Nurtured Virtual Kid
(March 5) -- A South Korean couple addicted to the Internet
left their 3-month-old daughter to starve to death while they
raised a virtual daughter online during 12-hour bouts at a
cyber cafe, police said.
The husband and wife had been on the run since their baby,
born prematurely, died five months ago of severe dehydration
and malnutrition, police said. They were arrested this week
near their home south of the capital Seoul and charged today
with child abuse and neglect.It is not likely that they will ever
be allowed onto the Internet again.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Sharon
Re: Download Spybot
Dear Webby;
Hi again. I just went to your tools to check on Spybot but
there are several places to download it. Which one do you
recommend to download free? Also how big is it? This way
I'll know how long to gibve it to download. i have 100 Mbps now.
Thanks
Sharon
Dear Sharon
Any of those places are fine. If one is a bit slow at the moment,
pick the next one.
At 100 Mbps you will probably get about 2/3 of that in actual
download speed,
and it will take just slightly longer than a quickie.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Two not too very bright city guys decided to go into the dairy
business. They drove up to a dairy farm and asked the owner if
he had any cows for sale.
The owner had been trying to get rid of a non performing bull for
years told them he would let his best producing cow go for a
mere one thousand dollars.
The 2 guys said wonderful and loaded up the bull and left.
They got back to their place and tried to milk the bull but didn't
get any milk. So one of the guys ran back to the farmer to find out
how to get the milk flowing. The farmer told them they had to
make the cow drink plenty of water and then pump the tail up and
down. Satisfied the city slicker went back and he and his partner
pushed the bull down to the stream.
Well, the bull wasn't very thirsty and didn't drink so one guy held
the bulls head in the water and the other guy pumped igorously
with the tail. About that time the bull decided to take advantage of
the raised tail and to dump some solids. The guy pumping yelled
to his friend "Raise his head he is sucking mud."
--------
Well, he sure would not try to hold the head of one of the 2500
pound bulls they have around here. Those bulls flip a car over if
they don't like it's color.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Dispose of Prescription Bottles Safely
Be especially safe with your old prescription bottles.
Be sure and mark through the name of person and
drug name with a marker before putting in trash as
some people would try to get it filled, especially if
it is for a pain pill. God Bless you and stay safe!
By DCW from TN
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The Midlothian Council in the UK, in a handbook issued to
teachers, has listed 'lying' as a recognized disability, thereby
branding it an ''illness'' which requires tolerance and assistance
from those not afflicted by this "illness", and of course this will
make the persons suffering from this incurable "illness" eligible
for some sort of disability compensation and disability pension.
Also listed, as a "genuine disability", is the inability to spell
correctly. Teachers there can no longer mark down for bad
spelling.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
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He, Luigi, you are a man of the world.
"What is an operetta?"
"That'sa da girl who works the switchboard at da
teliphone company."
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printer driver for Ubuntu inside XP
Saturday, March 6, 2010, 03:12 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Saturday, March 6, 2010
Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children
have teenagers of their own.
--- Doug Larson
Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age.
--- William Feather
"Doctor!" said the woman as she loudly bounced into the
room, "I want you to tell me very frankly what's wrong with
me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam,"
he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you."
"First, you need to lose at least twenty pounds in your lower
half.
Second, you should use only about one tenth as much
rouge and lipstick as you did this morning.
And third, I'm an artist - the doctor's office is on the next
floor."
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his
father, a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your
grades up, study your bible a little, and get your hair cut, then
we will talk about it."
A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if
they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought
your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you
didn't get hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know dad,
I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair,
Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had
long hair."
His father replied, "yeah, nobody ever lent them a car either!"
Thanks to Guinn for this picture:
Hi, Webby. I thought you might like this picture I took this
afternoon of a male roufous sided towhee. Towhees are a bit smaller
than robins, larger than sparrows.
Guinn
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Moira Williams, 67, of Sault Ste. Marie, Ont.,
Sent in by Jackie
SAULT STE. MARIE, Ont. - A Northern Ontario woman was charged
with mischief on Tuesday after police say she wouldn't stop calling 911
to ask them to pick her up some smokes.
Police say that Moira Williams, 67, of Sault Ste. Marie, Ont., had been
drinking and ran out of cigarettes when she repeatedly called the
emergency line to ask police to go to the store and buy her some.
Williams was warned several times to stop calling unless she had
an emergency, police said. By 3:15 a.m., police drove to her
home and arrested her.
She is to appear in court April 12.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: John
Re: Ubuntu inside XP printer driver
Dear Webby,
I am running a 2 year old version of Ubuntu inside XP.
Everything works fine except for my Lexmark X3479 printer.
I don't seem to be able to find compatible drivers for it to work
in Ubuntu. I get an error message, sometimes. stating that
Ubuntu doesn't think my printer is connected.
Any ideas on how I can get my printer to work while in Ubuntu?
Thanks,
John
Dear John
That is a bit too specialized for me. Try one of the Linux forums.
Try http://www.linuxquestions.org/questions/
I have received excellent and very fast help from there.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Two redneck guys go on a fishing trip.
They spend a fortune renting all the equipment: the reels,
the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even
a cabin in the woods.
The first day they go fishing,but don't catch anything.
The same thing happens on the second day and the third .
This goes on until finally, on the last day of their vacation,
one of the men catches a fish.
While driving home One guy turns to the other ...
"Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us
nearly $1500?"
The other guy says, "Wow!
It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cut Your Brillo In Half
Instead of using a whole Brillo pad, I cut one in half.
It's great if you only need to clean a couple of pots or pans.
Instead of wasting a whole pad.
By Lynda from Kearny, NJ
Instead of the quickly used up Brillo pads you can use scratchy
sponge pads. Usually they have a yellow sponge (avoid the ones
that have yellow foam!) glued onto an abrasive pad. The pads
are color coded. They use the same color code as floor buffing
pads, and in the 70's they were the actual punched out centers
of buffing pads.
White is the softest, and you can still get those hockey puck
shaped scouring pads for facial scrubbing in cosmetic stores.
Quite pricey, considering they are the throw-away waste of
floor buffing pads.
Nowadays the scouring part is cut from thinner material and
in rectangular form. Green colored pads on the yellow sponge
is excellent for most dishwashing and household scrubbing,
and dark blue works well on the outside bottom of pots and other
difficult challenges.
Those abrasive mesh backed sponges clean about as well as
Brillo pads, but are much kinder to your hands.
The major difference, though, is that they are not throw-aways!
If you rinse and gently wring them after use, each one lasts for
a year or more, and they are perfectly safe to use in today's
flimsy non-stick pots and pans.
Just make sure you get the sponge type, with the holes in
the sponge of all different sizes, like bread,
NOT the ones that use a yellow foam with uniform hole size.
The foam type is rather useless on the foam side, whereas
the firmer sponge type does an amazing amount of cleaning.
You rarely have to flip it to the abrasive side.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The man approached a very beautiful woman in a very large
supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in
the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" she asks.
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife
instantly appears out of nowhere."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
A minister was asked to inform a man with a heart condition that he
had just inherited a million dollars. Everyone was afraid the shock
would give him a heart attack.
So the minister went to the man's house and said, "Joe, what would you
do if you inherited a million dollars?"
Joe replied, "Well, pastor, I think I would give half of it to the
church."
At which the pastor fell over dead.
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Friday, March 5, 2010, 03:24 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Friday, March 5, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
None are so busy as the fool and knave.
--- John Dryden
A guy goes to a doctor and says:
"Doctor, my wife has lost her voice, a week ago...."
"And you are afraid she'll find it again ?"
Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following
problem to one of her arithmetic classes:
"A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth
is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to
his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?"
After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised
his hand. The teacher called on Little Morris for his answer.
With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Morris answered,
"A lawyer!"
Thanks to my dad for this picture:
Looking down at the birds
Eagels or Glacier Crows or some birds like that are playing in the
strong updraft at the Valuga in Austria. This is high above the tree
line and they are definitely not looking for something to eat, but
simply goofing around and enjoying the updraft.
There were whisps of cloud just below the peak and above
the birds, causing a very interesting effect.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Jonathon Michael Smith, 22 in Fairbanks, Alaska
Fairbanks man arrested again after trying to buy 4th truck
with forged check
by Chris Freiberg / cfreiberg@newsminer.com
FAIRBANKS — A Fairbanks man is accused of trying to purchase a
$28,000 pickup truck with a forged check for the fourth time this year.
Jonathon Michael Smith, 22, was arraigned Tuesday on new felony
charges of attempted first-degree theft and second-degree forgery.
He still faces more than a dozen other charges stemming from the
previous incidents, and had been out on bail for only about two
weeks when he allegedly tried to pull the scam Monday at
Seekins Ford.
Smith reportedly told a Seekins employee that he had recently
come into a large sum of money, and he intended to purchase
a 2007 Ford F-150 pickup truck.
However, the manager became suspicious of the check from
USAA and accompanying letter stating the check was valid,
and contacted another local dealership that was allegedly
swindled by Smith.
USAA is a financial services company serving military members
and their families.
Smith was a Fort Wainwright soldier who was discharged in
January following his initial arrest. He was AWOL from his unit
for two years, said Maj. Bill Coppernoll, a spokesman for U.S.
Army Alaska.
Fairbanks police Officer Jim O’Malley responded to the dealership
soon after the manager became aware that something was amiss.
O’Malley was aware of Smith’s history and asked him what he
was doing.
Smith said that he was “being stupid,” according to a criminal
complaint filed in court.
Magistrate Bethany Harbison set Smith’s bail at $20,000. If he
is released from jail, he is not allowed on the premises of a car
dealership and he cannot possess checks or items purported
to be checks.
Smith allegedly used forged checks to purchase two trucks
worth $70,000 from Kendall Honda in January. About the same
time, he also tried to purchase a $25,000 truck from Gene’s
Chrysler, but employees became suspicious of the checks
Smith wrote and refused to deliver the vehicle.
To create the checks, Smith allegedly altered a USAA check
another man posted on his blog after removing the account
and routing numbers. He would print the altered check from
e-mails and try to pass them as real to the employees of local
car dealerships, court documents allege.
All of the forged checks had blurry printing, inconsistent fonts
and lacked routing numbers, according to court records.
In January, he told police he did not know why the checks
had not been honored since he had money market and mutual
fund accounts with USAA. He also claimed to have received
an inheritance recently from his mother after she passed away.
A USAA representative told Fairbanks police that Smith has a
checking account with them with a zero balance, as well as
an overdrawn credit card.
The company does not e-mail checks to customers, according
to court filings.
At his arraignment Tuesday, Smith said he plans to hire his
own lawyer.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Annette
Re: Infected laser printer
Dear Webby,
I bought a Dell 1320c color laser when you recommended it
a few years ago. It works flawlessly and is easy on the toner,
especially when we use it in toner saving mode. Copies of
invoices and stuff like that really don't have to be in crisp,
bright color, so we usually print in black plus toner saving.
Sure, the prints look like the currently fashionable faggy
pages with grey text on white, that are difficult for straight
people to read, but for a copy of an invoice, that most likely
will never be looked at again anyway, that's good enough.
Sorry about my rambling. So, while the printer works just
fine, wehen my desk got moved closer to it last week, I
noticed that every now and then it's lights come on, it makes
mysterious whirring sounds like it was preparing to print,
but then shuts down again. Is that a virus in it?
Annette
Dear Annette
That is nothing to worry about at all. When not used for a
day, it simply wakes up to do a self test and stirs up the toner
powder, so that it doesn't clump or cake onto the walls of
the toner cartridges. It is actually supposed to do that.
As long as it does that self test and powder stirring at
least once every second unused day, it is fine and ready
to print, even after not being used for a year or two.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A patient had broken his leg and it was going to have to be
set. To get him ready for this painful event, he was heavily
sedated.
While in this "state", he spoke rather freely with the hospital
staff and with his wife. She apparently learned several things
about her husband. When it was time to reverse the
medication, the wife said
"Wait! not yet. I have some more questions I want to ask".
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Rags Instead of Paper Towels
Keep a rag on your paper towel rack and quit buying paper
towels altogether! Use newspaper for washing windows. Use
cheap paper napkins for food as needed. You'll be surprised
at how often you'll grab that rag to wipe up a spill and you
are saving lots of money. Have a bunch on hand and just wash
up a load every once in a while.
By Laura from Mason, OH
As I am slowly learning to "act my age", well
not trying too hard, I am wrecking my jeans not nearly as
often as I used to. However, the legs of old jeans make
excellent rags. They are very absorbent, and take a long
time to dry. Whenever you need a moist rag, they are unbeatable.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A lonely wife brought a man she had just met at a bar home
to her bedroom one evening when she thought her husband
was out of town. They immediately tore each other's clothes
off and started going at it. She sat up quickly in bed as she
heard the key in the lock.
"Quick!" she said to the man, "it's my husband! You've got
to get out of here quick!"
"Where's the back door?" the man asked as he grabbed his
clothes.
"There isn't one," she replied.
"Where would you like one?" he asked.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
One day a co-worker told my friend, Stan, that she was
going home early because she didn't feel well. Since
Stan was just getting over something himself, he wished her
well and said he hoped it wasn't something he had given her.
A fellow worker piped up, "I sure hope not. She has
morning sickness."
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( 3 / 6 )
What do I need to view PPSX files?
Thursday, March 4, 2010, 03:11 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Thursday, March 4, 2010
Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's
opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.
--- Oscar Wilde
A 3-year-old went with his dad to see a litter
of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly
informed his mother that there were two boy
kittens and two girl kittens.
"How did you know?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked
underneath," he replied. "I think it's
printed on the bottom."
An English soldier, an American solider and a Russian soldier
found themselves sharing a table in a Bosnian restaurant, and
the conver sation turned towards how well fed each of them was.
"In the Russian army we have 2000 calories of food a day" said
the Russian.
"Well", said the Englishman, "In the British army we are given
4000 calories of food a day."
"That's nothing", said the American, "in the US army we have
8000 calories of food a day".
At this the Russian got very annoyed.
"Nonsense", he said, "how could one man eat that much
cabbage!!!."
Thanks to Walter the Stonecarver for this picture:
and 9 months later, there was an AirBus
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a 42-year-old drunk in Sheboygan Falls, Wisconsin
Drunk driver caught out by footprints in snow
A US man who claimed his car had been stolen after he crashed
it into a snow drift was arrested after police followed his footsteps
back to the bar where he'd been drinking.
The 42-year-old, of Sheboygan Falls, Wisconsin, now faces
up to three years in jail and a $10,000 fine is he is convicted
with that police said was his fifth drink driving charge.
He rang police at 2.30am to say his car had been stolen
from the town's Tapper's Bar where he had been drinking,
reports the Sheboygan Press.
Police quickly discovered the car crashed into a snow bank
about half a mile away from the bar - and then found footprints
in the snow matching the man's boots leading back to the bar.
When questioned by police, the man, who later failed a field
sobriety test, admitted that he had been driving the vehicle
and lost control of it before crashing into the snow bank.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Clyde
Re: PPSX files
Dear Webby,
Love your letters, especially the picture and tech sections.
I just got a .ppsx file which would not open with my older
version of Microsoft Power Point Viewer or with Open Office.
Is this a new format which requires a new viewer?
Clyde
Dear Clyde
Yes, it is a new type.
Instead of using standard formats that everybody can use,
like Open Office does, Microsoft keeps coming up with new and
different formats that require yet another different type of viewer.
I don't play that stupid game and just tell the sender to use a
standard format.
Usually it's just time wasting crap anyway.
We got to stand up for ourselves, otherwise every silly dingbat
will come out with yet another new and incompatible format.
If you really think it is worth wasting time on, you can go to my
Tool Box and download the current PowerPoint Viewer. According
to Microsoft, it should open PPSX files.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
MacTavish's little boy was being questioned by the
teacher during an arithmetic lesson. "If you had five
pounds," said the teacher, "and I asked you for the loan
of three pounds, how many would you have left?"
"Five," said young MacTavish firmly.
"Five?" the teacher said "How do you make it five?"
"Well," replied young MacTavish "You can ask for a
loan of three pounds, but that doesn't mean you will
get it."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Reuse Packing Paper for Crafts
Now that many places are using recycled or green packing
materials, we get lot of brown scrunched paper in the boxes
when we order items online. If you smooth out that paper,
it's often 4-6 feet long and 2-3 feet wide - absolutely perfect
for kids to use to color, trace their bodies, draw pirate maps,
or do various other fun crafty things with. You can also ask
newspapers for their discarded end rolls of newsprint.
By Emily from RI
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A lady on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park
said to her guide, "Look at all those big rocks.
Wherever did they come from?"
"The glaciers brought them down," said the guide.
"But where are the glaciers?" The lady asked.
"The glaciers," said the guide in a weary voice,
"have gone back for more rocks."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Two friends, one an optimist and the other a pessimist, could
never quite agree on any topic of discussion. One day the
optimist decided he had found a good way to pull his friend
out of his continual pessimistic thinking.
The optimist owned a hunting dog that could walk on water.
His plan? Take the pessimist and the dog out duck hunting in
a boat. They got out into the middle of the lake, and the
optimist brought down a duck. The dog immediately walked
out across the water, retrieved the duck, and walked back to
the boat.
The optimist looked at his pessimistic friend and said,
"What do you think about that?"
The pessimist replied, "That dog can't swim, can he?"
Luckily the pessimist was wearing a life jacket,
when he got tossed into the icy water and had to swim
all the way back to shore..
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Microsoft advises not to hit F1
Wednesday, March 3, 2010, 04:36 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Most men are within a finger's breadth of being mad.
--- Diogenes the Cynic
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
--- Albert Einstein, (attributed)
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation.
If you work at it, it's golf.
--- Bob Hope
Thanks to Dave for this story:
(Dave used to be the wholesaler, that I bought computer components
from, when I was still building computers in the early and mid 90's.)
Old guys...yep that's us......
I was in Canadian Tire store the other day, pushing my cart around
when I collided with a young guy pushing his cart.
I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife
and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my
wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.
I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife
look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair,
big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white
shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"
I said, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."
Most old guys are helpful like that.
A truck driver who had been delivering radioactive waste for
the local reactor begins to feel sick after a few years on the job.
He decided to seek compensation for his ailment.
Upon his arrival at the workers' compensation department,
he is interviewed by an assessor.
Assessor: I see you work with radio-active materials and wish
to claim compensation.
Trucker: Yeah, I feel really sick.
Assessor: Alright then, Does your employer take measures to
protect you from radiation poisoning?
Trucker: Yeah, he gives me a lead suit to wear on the job.
Assessor: And what about the cabin in which you drive?
Trucker: Oh yeah. That's lead lined, all lead lined.
Assessor: What about the waste itself? Where is that kept?
Trucker: Oh, the stuff is held in a lead container, all lead.
Assessor: Let me see if I get this straight. You wear a lead
suit, sit in a lead-lined cabin and the radio-active waste is kept
in a lead container.
Trucker: Yeah, that's right. All lead.
Assessor: Then I can't see how you could claim against him
for radiation poisoning.
Trucker: I'm not. I claiming for lead poisoning.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a drunk in Bremerton, Washington
Stopped for Speeding, DUI Suspect Backs into Cop's Car
By Kitsap Sun staff
Published Monday, March 1, 2010
A 29-year-old Bremerton man backed into the cruiser of the
police officer who pulled him over early Sunday, according to
Bremerton police reports. He was arrested for DUI.
The man was pulled over near the corner of Sheridan Road and
Spruce Avenue shortly after 2 a.m. after the officer said he
clocked the man 38 mph in a 25 mph zone. Just as both cars
were stopped on the side of the road, the man’s car began rolling
backward, hitting the cop car at about 5 mph, reports said.
When the cop asked the driver why he’d backed into the cruiser,
police said the man replied, “What?”
No damage was reported to either car.
The man’s passenger said he told the 29-year-old he wasn’t in
park when they stopped, but he didn’t listen.
The driver said he’d had “a few” drinks, and a breathylizer said
his blood-alcohol level was .10, above the .08 legal limit. He was
taken to the Kitsap County jail for DUI.
Considering that less than a month ago cops shot and hit a guy
in the same county when he assaulted them with his car,
that is a dumb place to pull a stunt like that!
That article is here: http://snipurl.com/ulwhk [www_kitsapsun_com]
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Dianne
Re: Microsoft advises not to hit F1
Dear Webby,
Microoft admitted another security hole and advises not to hit
F1, since that could unleash all kinds of trouble.
http://www.switched.com/2010/03/02/micr ... t-press-f1
Better warn the subscribers!
Dianne
Dear Dianne
Thanks for the heads-up!
What they are not really making very clear is that only when a
web site or a program tells you to hit F1, is it a problem.
If nothing and nobody tells you to hit F1, then it is OK to hit it.
If you are concerned that a family member might fall for a
request to hit F1, then you have two choices:
1) You can assume administrator role and paste this at the
command prompt:
echo Y | cacls "%windir%\winhlp32.exe" /E /P everyone:N
or 2) You can pry off the F1 key with a spoon, and epoxy it
onto their alarm clock.
Hmmmm, I wonder if my CAPS LOCK key is still glued to the
coin operated copier at Walmart?
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Nancys nephew was 4 when she was pregnant with her first
kid. She allowed him to place his hand on her belly and feel
the baby kick.His little face scrunched and said,
"How does the baby get out of there?"
She wanted to keep it simple so she said,
"The doctor will help."
His eyes widened in amazement as he exclaimed,
"You've got a DOCTOR in there, too?!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Wash New Clothes With Similar Colors
When you purchase new clothes in dark or bright colors, take
advantage of the dye bleeding in the wash by adding faded
clothes of the same color. The faded clothes will become brighter!
By Tammy from Udall, Kansas
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
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Bill said the power went out recently. His wife, Kathy heard a
plane flying low overhead. She noticed the plane's landing
lights were on and said,
"Must not be a widespread power outage -- the plane's lights
are on."
She was lucky she was not downtown. I heard that during the
latest power failure in Los Angeles thousands of people were
trapped for hours on store escalators.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
The visiting church school supervisor asks little Johnny during
Bible class who broke down the walls of Jericho. Little Johnny
replies that he does not know, but it definitely is not him.
The supervisor, taken aback by this lack of basic Bible
knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole
incident.
The principal replies that he knows little Johnny as well as his
whole family very well and can vouch for them, if little Johnny
said that he did not do it, he as principal is satisfied that it is
the truth.
Even more appalled the inspector goes to the regional Head of
Education and relates the whole story.
After listening he replies: "I cannot see why you are making
such a big issue out of this; just get three quotations and
we'll choose a contractor to fix the silly wall."
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Tuesday, March 2, 2010, 04:53 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Tuesday, March 2, 2010
We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the
end we become disguised to ourselves.
--- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Never answer a critic, unless he's right.
--- Bernard M. Baruch
In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine
snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a
newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like
"well-aged Caumeneur."
The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular, wine, but
was used to the infusion of French words into the local
vocabulary.
"Could you please spell that?" she asked.
"You know," said the woman impatiently,
"C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e."
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit
filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing
from the section through which the railroad passed. The
rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.
The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the
peace in the back room of the general store. The city-slicker
attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher
and tried to get him to settle out of court.
He did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to
take half of what he was asking.
After the rancher had signed the release and took the check
and cashed it in the store, the young lawyer couldn't resist
gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher,
"You are really a country hick, old man, but I put one over on
you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was
asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train
went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one
witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"
The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you young feller, I
was a little worried about winning that case myself, because
that durned bull came home this morning."
Thanks to Walter the Stonecarver for sending this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to one of Bridgeton, NJ's town drunks
Drunk calls 911 from the back of police car
BRIDGETON — State police said an intoxicated man being driven
to his southern New Jersey home by troopers called 911 and
claimed they were kidnapping him.
The incident began after the Bridgeton man - whose name was
not disclosed - was taken to the state police barracks in that
Cumberland County community.
Law enforcement officers had found him while investigating a
disorderly persons call in Bridgeton and decided to transport
him home, putting him in the cruiser's back seat.
After making the fake 911 call, he continued to be disorderly
despite repeated warnings. When the troopers pulled over and
tried to arrest him, he resisted but was eventually restrained
and taken back to the barracks.
He was charged with disorderly conduct, resisting arrest
and obstruction.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Nita
Re: What's a PPS ?
Dear Webby,
Please explain to me what you meant about Joan's picture.
What is a PPS?
Thanks for the "Good old days" picture.
Nita
Dear Nita
a PPS is a Power Point Show, a slide show.
Usually, they are quite huge and would take way too long to
download with your dial-up. Out of consideration for that,
people won't normally send them to you.
If you ever decide to get High Speed, people will send 2-3 a
day to you, and you will probably pass them on to others just
as frequently..
I looked for a tiny one and attached it.
It is called The_Window.pps
(For the rest of you, I uploaded it: The Window )
You may need to download the PowerPoint Viewer from my
Tool Box to view PPS files.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A rather boring joke I heard today reminded
me of a fun incicent. Many years ago when I was taking a
required course in the process of becoming an electrician,
we also had to take some basics physics. Personally, I
always loved physics, probably because deep down inside
I am still a kid that is fascinated by anything that makes noise
or moves. Most of the people in the class hated physics, and
one guy in particular did a lot of complaining about it and
asking why it was necessary.
Finally the instructor had enough and he told him that
physics was required to save his live.
Naturally the guy fell for that straight line
and asked how physics would save his live.
"It saves lives", the instructor thundered at him,
"because it keeps you from finishing the course, and because
if you passed my class and then later burned down a house
with your lack of knowledge,
I'd have to go and shoot you."
That guy quit the course right there
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Cola as a Cheap Steak Marinade
My husband is a retired butcher and I am certified in
Culinary Arts. Marinades are expensive. Try soaking your
beef steak or roast in Cola or Dr. Thunder from Walmart.
Cover for 24 hrs. Then season and cook. Unbelievably tender!
By Jeanne from Elysian Fields, TX
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Californians are a strange people.
They'll put every chemical known to man up their nostrils,
and get so warped from snorting,
that they tell you it's bad for you
if you put sugar in your coffee!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
At a clearance sale, the wife of a federal district court
judge found a green tie that was a perfect match for one
of her husband's sports jackets. Soon after, while the
couple was vacationing at a resort complex to get his mind
off a rather complicated cocaine conspiracy case, he noticed
a small, round disc sewn into the design of the tie.
The judge showed it to a local FBI agent, who was equally
suspicious that it might be a 'bug' planted by the conspiracy
defendants. The agent sent the device to FBI headquarters
In Washington, DC for analysis.
Two weeks later, the judge phoned the Washington office
to learn the results of their tests. "We're not sure where
the disc came from," the FBI told him, "but we discovered
that when you press it, it plays 'Jingle Bells.'"
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