Free Email with many Gigabytes of storage
Wednesday, May 16, 2012, 06:44 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, May 16
Thank you Don!
Just to see what the spammers are up to these days, I peeked
at the mails, that the MailWasher had
marked for deletion. That is always good for a chuckle.
In there, I saw a bill from Verizonwireless, supposedly,
for $1475. Yeah, right. My only connection to Verizon Wireless
is reading the tales of woe from people in rural California,
whose Verizon Air Card takes 96 hours to download a routine
McAfee update, and who get billed by the minute. Since
MailWasher had already marked it for deletion,
for one reason or another, I did not have to do anything,
except wonder, how many people fell for that scam.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
0955 Alberich II, illegitimate son of Octavianus elected pope
1527 Florence becomes a republic
1568 Mary Queen of Scotland flees to England
1804 Senate & Tribune declare Napolean leader of France
1817 Mississippi River steamboat service begins
1861 Kentucky proclaims its neutrality
1866 Charles Elmer Hires invents root beer
1869 Cincinnati Reds play their 1st baseball game, win 41-7
1872 Metropolitan Gas Company lamps lit for 1st time
1888 CPR opens Hotel Vancouver, Vancouver BC
1911 Remains of a neanderthal man found in Jersey UK
1941 Italian army under Aosta surrenders to Britain
at Amba Alagi Ethiopia
1941 Last great German air attack on Great Britain
1943 Jewish resistance in the Warsaw ghetto ends
after 30 days of fighting
1943 RAF bombs Möhne & Eder (Battle of Ruhr)
1948 Egyptians enter the Gaza
1965 Bomb destroys USAF base Bien Hoa South Vietnam
1983 Lebanese parliament accept peace accord with Israel
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Don't knock the weather.
If it didn't change once in a while,
nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation.
--- Kin Hubbard
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---
no matter what she's reading."
--- Steve Jobs
A railway inspector in Arkansas was making the
rounds of a railway station and yard in a small town.
He located Hank, a man who had worked in the
rail yard for almost forty years.
He questioned Hank about various safety considerations
and seemed to be satisfied that Hank was genuinely
knowledgeable about railway safety.
As a last question, he asked Hank what he would do if
he saw two trains approaching each other, on the same
track, travelling at speeds of 50 miles per hour?
Hank said "I'd yell R.T."
The railway inspector, puzzled by
this, asked, "What's an R.T. ?"
Hank said, "R.T.'s my buddy and he's got one of them
deegital cameras!"
Imagic Photo - Image And Photo Enhancement Software
Imagic Software
This is not just a course, but the actual software!
You got to read this one out loud!
"Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance
Company."
"Would you spell that, please?"
"Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye.
W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you."
"Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."
Thanks to dad for this picture.
Click on the picture for the large version
This one bloomed today.
It is a aporocactus flagiliformus.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Roland Thomas Smith II, 32, of Spotsylvania, Virginia
Burglar forgot his USB hard drive
Roland Smith, a 32 year old Virginia "man", was arrested
Friday for stabbing his girlfriend after discovering her being
with somebody else at an Econo Lodge motel. The 36-year-old
victim, who told cops Smith stabbed her in the abdomen,
was transported to a hospital for treatment of her wounds,
according to a press release issued today by the Spotsylvania
County Sheriff’s Office.
Arrested at the scene, Smith “had blood on his hands and a
knife was recovered from his person,” cops reported.
As seen in the above mug shot, Smith appears to be something
of a Latin enthusiast. He is now jailed without bond.
Tech Support Pits:
From: Danny K
RE: free email
Dear Webby,
Can you recommed a good e-mail services.
That works well with dial-up and firefox..that is free and have lots
of on line storage.That has three or four gig's.Gmail does not work
right with dial-up...hot-mail does not work right with firefox. Our
new windstream ISP is a bunch of crap and will not let us get our
mail.Have been on the phone three times for about a hour each.We don't
want out-look express.
Hope you can help us.Thanks for your help and I enjoy your humor letter.
Danny K
Dear Danny
Gmail works fine with dial-up. People even use it with Air-Cards
(cell phone modems).
Gmail is the only company, who will donate that many Gigabytes
of space to you. Everybody else will kick you out and tell you to
go to hell, if you reach even ONE GigaByte. They are not in the
business of donating storage space to you. Actually neither
is Gmail, but they have enough paying customers, so that
they can afford to do a bit of donating.
I would recommend that you read the instructions at Gmail
and set it up right. Then you can use it with your dial-up.
You can download Eudora from
http://webby.com/eudora
Once you have installed it, let me know, and I will send you a
registration code.
Eudora works just fine with Gmail. You simply set your
Gmail to POP, and then download the mail whenever you are
online. Gmail has excellent tutorials for setting it up with Eudora,
and Millions of people are using it.
With Gmail and Eudora you can also use MailWasher
and reduce the amount of mail you need to download.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Proper attire is required in the cafeteria at the University
of Maine. To enforce that rule, the management posted this
notice: "Shoes are required to eat in this cafeteria."
Next to it, a student added, "Socks can eat wherever they
want."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use an Empty Can as a Utensil Holder When Cooking
Here is what I use to prevent spilled mess on my counter
when I am cooking. I usually use more than one utensil
when I am cooking but never know where to place them
during the cooking time as I am still using them. Well,
since I usually use some type of canned goods with all
my meals, I came up with the following idea.
I rinse the can that I used, then I use it as a utensil holder
while I am cooking. Once I am done cooking, I place the
utensils in the sink, rinse the can again and recycle it.
So it's kinda like recycling it twice. The bonus is that it
saves a mess to clean off my counter or a plate.
By tomnsaby from Albuquerque, NM
I use a heavy, old style, 6 cup Pyrex
measuring cup 3/4 full of water for that. It is a lot less
tippy than a can and utensils don't get dry or crusty sitting
in water.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Despite his best sales pitch, a life insurance salesman
was unable to get a couple to sign up for a policy.
"I certainly don't want to frighten you into a decision,"
he announced, standing up to leave.
"Please sleep on it tonight, and if you wake up in the
morning, let me know what you think."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Government organization is like a tree full of monkeys,
all on different limbs at different levels, some
climbing up, some fooling around, some simply
just idling.
The monkeys on top look down and see a tree
full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see
nothing but "as***." (you can fill in the blank).
[ add comment ]
|
permalink |
( 3 / 5 )
PayPal related scams / spams
Tuesday, May 15, 2012, 05:37 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, May 15
From Walter:
Dear Webby,
thanks for publishing the 'Find A Human' in your letter.
I had a problem with Comcast about unauthorized charges
and could get nowhere with half a dozen people at Comcast
with whom I spoke.
I then sent an email to the email address given in 'Find a Human'
and had a friendly, helpful individual call me a day later and resolved
the matter to my satisfaction.
Walter
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
0756 Abd-al-Rahman I becomes emir of Cordova Spain
1492 Cheese & Bread rebellion: German mercenaries kills 232 Alkmaarse
1536 Anna Boleyn & Lord Rochford accused of adultery/incest
1618 Johannes Kepler discovers harmonics law
1718 James Puckle, a London lawyer, patents world's 1st machine gun
1885 Canadian Méti insurgent Louis Riel captured, Saskatchewan
1902 Lyman Gilmore is 1st person to fly a powered craft
1902 Portugal bankrupt by revolt in Angola
1905 Las Vegas NV founded
1926 British general strike ends, but mine workers go on strike
1928 Mickey Mouse made his 1st appearance
1930 Ellen Church becomes 1st airline stewardess
1940 1st successful helicopter flight in US: Vought-Sikorsky US-300
1940 German armor division moves into Northern France
1940 Nylon stockings go on sale for 1st time
1941 1st British turbojet flies
1943 Warsaw ghetto uprising ends, in it's destruction
1944 14,000 Jews of Munkacs Hungary deported to Auschwitz
1948 28 year old British Mandate over Palestine ends
1951 AT&T becomes 1st corporation to have one million stockholders
1955 Vienna Treaty: Britain, France, US & USSR
restores Austria's independence
1958 USSR launches Sputnik III
1960 Sputnik 4 launched into Earth orbit; later recovery failed
1960 Taxes took 25% of earnings in US
1962 US marines arrive in Laos
1966 South Vietnamese army battle Buddhists, about 80 die
1970 Elizabeth Hoisington & Anna Mae Mays named 1st female
US generals
1971 Radio Nordsee International's pirate radio ship bombed
1988 Moscow begins withdrawing its 115,000 troops in Afghánistán
1991 President Bush takes Queen Elizabeth to Oakland A's-
Baltimore Oriole game
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
--- George Burns
One evening during a poker game, a man was bragging to
his friends about how his sister disguised herself as a
man and was able to join the Navy, without having to go
onto.the waiting list for women.
"But, wait a minute," said one listener. "Your sister
will have to dress with the boys and shower with them,
too. Won't she?"
"Sure," replied the man.
"Well, won't they find out?" asked another poker player.
The first man shrugged his shoulders and replied,
"Sure. But who is gonna tell?"
Need to cure Registry Problems?
With Windows 7 that is even more important.
Get RegCure
Thanks to Orilla for this:
As the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse under
the seat. Later, when I called the company I was quite relieved
that somebody had given the purse to the driver.
When I went to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers
surrounded me. One man handed me my purse, two
typewritten pages and a box containing the contents of my
purse.
"We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he
explained. "I think you'll find everything there."
As I started to put my belongings back into the purse, the
man continued, "I hope you don't mind if we watch. Even
though we all tried, none of us could fit everything into your
purse and we'd like to see just how you do it."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Sir Squirrel for alerting me to this Bonehead!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Dallas Naljahih, 18, in Orem, Utah
Burglar forgot his USB hard drive
An 18-year-old Utah man was arrested on suspicion of burglary
after police say he left his homework at the crime scene.
Police in Orem say they tracked a USB drive found at the
burglarized home to Dallas Naljahih. They say the computer
hard drive contained his homework and was in a backpack
abandoned in the backyard.
A 75-year-old man and his wife reported their home had been
burglarized early Saturday. The husband says he was woken
up by a light in his office, and found a man who was looking
through a desk.
The suspect punched the man and fled on foot.
Police say that Naljahih was found asleep at his house along
with evidence connecting him with the burglary.
The backpack also contained narcotics paraphenalia.
More charges may be pending, for example assaulting a senior.
Tech Support Pits:
From: Carl
Re: PayPal related scams
Dear Webby,
I have read your column for years and appreciate all you do.
I can't imagine the internet without you. I especially
appreciated the article today about pay pal. I've used it
for years on ebay and such. I might advise you to mention
to your reader base though that pay pal is one of the
spammers biggest targets (I'm sure you already know this).
Hardly a day or week goes by that I do not receive a email
from a really good look-a-like site advising me to log onto
my pay pal account for some important information or such.
It is very deceiving and worthy of mention.....
Good day and good health to you my friend....
Carl
Dear Carl
I guess with MailWasher I lead a very sheltered life and
don't see the crap and crud you poor people in the jungle
are exposed to.
With MailWasher you see the underlying actual links,
and soon see the similarities in all that crap. As soon as
you see any similarity or anything, that they have in common,
you make a filter.
From that moment on you just see that crap as part of the
pie chart, that shows you what percentage of the nuked
spam got nailed by which of your filters.
Good for a gleeful grin, but nothing to worry about.
Just like with spam about fake Rolaids watches or home-made
Vagira with Vitamin K or whatever, you can set MailWasher to
nuke all that stuff right on the server. Why download it, if you
don't want to see it anyway?
The first time making a filter is a bit scary, but what isn't
scary the first time? After that, like most actions, that are
initially a bit scary, it turns into fun and games, because it
is really easy, and the effects are immediately noticeable.
Dig the coins out of the couch and get MailWasher!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
I noticed the neighbor down the street was home every day,
so after a few weeks I asked him what was going on.
He replied, "I left my job because of illness and fatigue."
A few weeks later, his wife gave me the real truth of
what happened . . .
Turns out my neighbor's boss got sick and tired of him.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Spray Inside of Tin Foil When Baking
Before you cover your baking items with foil, spray the
side of the foil that touches the food with non-stick cooking
spray. No more sticking to the foil and no more ruining
your pretty dish.
By cschatz from Springville, AL
The oil used in those grossly overpriced non-stick cooking
sprays is not really healthy at all.
You can accomplish the same by using an old Windex or
similar trigger action spray bottle filled with some healthy
olive oil. You will be surprised how long a refill lasts!
And instead of buying a ridiculously expensive spray can,
you just pour a few ounces of healthy olive oil into the
spraybottle.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Golfer: "I've played so poorly all day; I think I'm going to
go drown myself in that lake."
Caddy: "I doubt you could keep your head down that long."
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to be able to break 100
on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven. You've already moved most of the earth."
Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before!"
Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before, sir."
Golfer: "Caddy, do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Oh yes, sir! You miss the ball much closer
than you used to."
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time,
caddy. It's distracting!"
Caddy: "This isn't a watch, sir, it's a compass!"
Golfer: "Caddy, do you think it is a sin to play golf on
Sunday?"
Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin any day
of the week!"
Golfer: "That can't be my ball, caddy. It looks
far too old."
Caddy: "Your ball has been beat up and aropund for a long
time, sir."
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Olga and Cherie had been friends for many decades. Over
the years they had shared all kinds of activities and
adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to
meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other
and said, "Now don't get mad at me..... I know we've been
friends for a long time..... but I just can't think of your
name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it.
Please tell me what your name is."
Cherie glared at her. For at least three minutes she just
stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
[ add comment ]
|
permalink |
( 3 / 10 )
Is PayPal good for buyers ?
Monday, May 14, 2012, 07:51 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday,May 14
Thank you, Doug!
Spring has sprung, finally!
The raspberries agaisnt the south wall have little leaves
on them, and the Saskatoon bushes in the back have buds,
that will blossom probably within a week.
I mowed the front half, and probably will mow the back
tomorrow. Got to show the dandylions who is the boss!
The rhubarb has woken up and is growing almost fast enough
to watch it. I'll have rhubarb on my oatmeal in a few days.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
1264 Baron's War fought in England
1607 1st permanent English settlement in New World, Jamestown VA
1664 Turkish great Köprülü attacks 120,000 Donau soldiers
1767 British government disbands Americans import duty on tea
1787 Delegates gather in Philadelphia to draw up US constitution
1796 1st smallpox inoculation administered, by Edward Jenner
1804 Lewis & Clark set out from St Louis for the Pacific Coast
1862 Adolphe Nicole of Switzerland patents the chronograph
1894 Fire in the Boston bleachers spreads to 170 adjoining buildings
1908 1st passenger flight in an airplane
1921 Florence Allen is 1st woman judge to sentence a man to death
1932 "We Want Beer!" parade in New York
1940 Netherlands surrender to Germany
1945 Kamikaze-Zero strikes US aircraft carrier Enterprise
1945 US offensive on Okinawa, Sugar Loaf conquered
1948 Jordan's Arab League captures Atarot, north of Jerusalem
1948 PM David Ben-Gurion establishes State of Israel
1948 US grants Israel de facto recognition
1955 Warsaw Pact is signed by the Soviet Union, Albania, Bulgaria,
Czechoslovakia, East Germany, Hungary, Poland & Romania
1969 Abortion & contraception legalized in Canada
1969 Last Chevrolet Corvair built
1973 Skylab launched, the 1st Space Station
1974 Symbionese Liberation Army destroyed in shoot-out, 6 killed
1976 Oil tanker Urqui Ola explodes off Spanish coast
Since 1897: Ireland : Feis Ceoil music festival
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Human beings are the only creatures that allow
their children to come back home.
--- Bill Cosby
"The spirit in which a thing is given determines how
the debt is acknowledged; it's the intention,
not the face-value of the gift, that's weighed."
--- Seneca the Younger
Here is a nice old classic:
This happened about a month ago just outside of
Willmar, a little town in the back country of Minnesota,
and while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale,
it's real.
This out of state traveler was on the side of the
road, hitchhiking on a real dark night in the middle
of a thunderstorm. Time passed slowly and no cars went by.
It was raining so hard he could hardly see his hand in
front of his face. Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly,
approaching and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It
slowly and silently crept toward him and stopped.
Wanting a ride real bad the guy jumped in the car and
closed the door; only then did he realize that there was
nobody behind the wheel, and no sound of an engine to
be heard over the rain.
Again the car crept slowly forward and the guy was
terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running.
The guy saw that the car was approaching a sharp
curve and, still too scared to jump out, he started to pray
and began begging for his life; he was sure the ghost car
would go off the road and into a nearby lake and he would
surely drown!
But just before the curve a shadowy figure appeared
at the driver's window and a hand reached in and turned
the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend.
Then, just as silently, the hand disappeared through the
window and the hitchhiker was alone again!
Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand
reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally the guy,
scared to near death, had all he could take and jumped
out of the car and ran and ran, into town, into Willmar.
Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and voice quavering,
ordered two shots of whiskey, then told everybody about his
supernatural experience.
A silence enveloped and everybody got goose bumps when
they realized the guy was telling the truth (and was not
just some drunk).
About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar
and one says to the other,
"Look Ole, ders dat idiot that rode in our
car when we wuz pushin it in the rain."
Need to cure Registry Problems?
With Windows 7 that is even more important.
Get RegCure
Keeping up with your children can send to you a psychologist.
Trying to figure them out is a task that no one has conquered
as this next joke shows.
Little Johnny has been bringing his drawings home from
kindergarten everyday since he started a month ago. Each
day his mother admires the pictures and hangs them on the
refrigerator. One thing starts bothering her though.
Little Johnny only uses black and browns for his drawings.
Fearing a problem with her young son and not wanting to
make it worse, she decides to take him to a child psychologist.
The psychologist delicately goes to work. He gives Johnny
a battery of psychological tests. He chats with Johnny.
Everything seems perfectly normal.
Everyday for two weeks, the tests continue. Yet everyday,
little Johnny continues to bring home drawings in only black
and brown.
Frustrated at not being able to get to the root of the problem
and fearful that something is terrible wrong, the child
psychologist decides to give little Johnny some paper and a
box of crayons and observe what happens.
Little Johnny opens the box of crayons and yells "Oh boy!
A new box of crayons! At school we only have old boxes.
The only ones left in mine are black and brown!"
Click on the picture for the large version
Alaska Moonrise
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Christina Beasley, 23, from Lumberton, North Carolina
Charged With Attempting To Burn Down
Boyfriend's House…. A Second Time
Christina Beasley, a 23-year-old North Carolina woman was
jailed for allegedly trying to burn down her boyfriend's house
....a second time.
According to police, Beasley attempted to burn down her
boyfriend's home after she had bailed out of jail for the
exact same crime.
Investigators say Beasley had been charged in December
with second-degree arson and burning personal property
after she allegedly tried to set her boyfriend's home on fire.
The damage was estimated to be $10,000.
When Beasley was released on bail, her boyfriend reportedly
invited her to return to his home. On Tuesday, the boyfriend
asked Beasley to leave his home following an argument.
In retaliation, Beasley piled firewood up against the boyfriend's
home and tried to ignite it.
Beasley was booked into jail and charged with first-degree arson
and injury to real property.
Tech Support Pits:
From: Olive (not the other reindeer)
Re: Is PayPal safe for buyers?
Dear Webby,
OK, so PayPal is the favorite tool of the Billionaire merchants,
what about us poor buyers?
What is the best deal for us?
Thanks
Olive (not the other reindeer)
Dear Olive
PayPal is definitely the best deal for buyers.
The seller pays for the transaction. If you grow some spinach
or herbs on your balcony, and sell that online, then you pay
about 29 cents per transaction and 0.02% of the total.
The buyer just pays whatever you specify for the price.
You don't have to be a Billionaire or big merchant to use
PayPal to accept payments. If you put the results of your
spring cleaning onto eBay, like Millions of people do, then
you can use PayPal to collect the money, before you actually
ship anything.
PayPal also includes excellent buyer protection. If whatever
you buy is not what you expected, PayPal will get your money
back. It is not instant. They check it out and that can take a
few days, but normally, if there is a dispute, you get your
money back in the same week.
With that protection at the ready, the buyer can relax and
click a payment for a purchase ot an invoice without any
worry.
You can set your PayPal to use money in it, for example
from your herb sales, or to draw money from your bank
account like a debit card does, or a combination of those
methods. It is entirely up to you. Once it is set up, you can
pay for invoices or purchases by just entering your password,
no need to dig out the credit card and typo in that long
number.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
According to a recent survey, men say that the first thing
they notice about a woman are their eyes.
Women say that the first thing they notice about men is
that they're a bunch of liars.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Spice Up Your Coffee With Cinnamon Stick
Give yourself a no-calorie treat by adding a drop of quality
real vanilla to your coffee. A sprinkle of cinnamon powder
or pumpkin pie spice can also be added for those
wanting a spicier fare.
Also, instead of buying chocolate coffee creamer, you
can use plain chocolate syrup that you may already
have in your fridge to your coffee along with a bit
of cream.
Another favorite of mine is to add a tablespoon of
Tang to my coffee. This reminds me of the coffee
served with orange zest I was once served at a fancy
coffee bar back in the early 70's (before there was
Starbucks).
For an extra-special treat, turn your coffee into a
dessert, by adding a squirt of whipped cream. A great
way to use canned whipped cream left over from
potlucks and family get-togethers.
By Cyinda
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he
wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle
a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.
The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age
of 93.
When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren,
35 great grandchildren and
a fifteen foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Hiram lay breathing his last. He rose on one elbow and told
the bedside gathering his last wishes, then began recounting
financial matters. "Don't forget Samuel owes me $7,000."
His wife, Miriam, said, "What a mind the man has, clear as a
bell to the very end."
"And I owe my partner Sid $210,000 for..."
At that point, his wife cut in, "Pay no attention to the poor
man's ravings, he's obviously out of his head."
[ add comment ]
|
permalink |
( 3 / 15 )
How safe is PayPal for sellers when compared to credit cards?
Sunday, May 13, 2012, 04:53 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday,May 13
Happy Mothersday!
Proof that Alaska is hoarding snow and maliciously lowering
the ocean levels in Florda and messing with Gullible Warming
predictions:
May 12: Alyeska Closed Again for Avalanche Danger
40” Past Few Days; 77” in May; 944” This Year
Alyeska
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
1110 Crusaders march into Beirut causing a bloodbath
1568 Mary Queen of Scots is defeated by English
1588 King Henri III flees Paris
1637 Cardinal Richelieu of France creates the table knife to
reduce the number of fatal and messy arguments at his table
1654 Venetian fleet under Admiral Adeler beats Turkish
1828 US passes Tariff of Abominations
1846 US declares war on México, 2 months after fighting begins
1913 1st 4 engine aircraft built & flown (Igor Sikorsky-Russia)
1934 Great dustbowl storm
1940 British bomb factory at Breda blows up
1942 Helicopter makes its 1st cross-country flight
1950 Diner's Club issues its 1st credit cards
1968 1,000,000 French demonstrate against De Gaulle & Pompidou
1991 South African activist Winnie Mandela convicted of abducting 4 blacks
1992 3 astronauts simultaneous walked in space for the 1st time
1997 Eddie Murray is 6th baseball player to play in 3,000 games
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
The easiest way for your children to learn about money,
is for you not to have any.
--- Katharine Whitehorn
The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery
of California, to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the
$3 - $5 range.
Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart
brand into their shopping carts, but "there is a market for cheap
wine",said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing.
She said: "But the right name is important."
Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most
attractive name for the Wal-Mart brand.
The top surveyed names in order of popularity are:
10. Chateau Traileur Parc
9. White Trashfindel
8. Big Red Gulp
7. World Championship Riesling
6. NASCARbernet
5. Chef Boyardeaux
4. Peanut Noir
3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar!
2. Grape Expectations
And the number 1 name for Wal-Mart Wine:
1. Nasti Spumante
The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served
with either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).
Need to cure Registry Problems?
With Windows 7 that is even more important.
Get RegCure
Isaac and Aaron are in a bank when armed robbers break in.
One robber rushes the teller windows, one guards the door
and the third bank robber stands in the middle of the bank
and yells, "Right! Everyone up against the wall and empty
your pockets. We want valuables, watches and wallets."
Aaron jams something into his buddy 's hand.
"What's this?" asks his friend without looking down.
"It's that $100 I owe you" answers his friend.
----------------
That reminds me of a raid on an opium den in Vancouver's
Chinatown I witnessed in the early 70's. The cops had cordoned
off the sidewalk and part of the street, so that anybody
exiting the building had nowhere to go but into one of the
four paddy-wagons with open doors on the other side of the
street.
Then one of them entered the building with a siren and a
strobe light on an extension cord plugged into a portable
genset.
In short order a steady stream of elder Chinese men
staggered out of the building, shading their eyes against
the bright sunlight, and each of them passing hunks of
dope to others, returning what they owed or had borrowed.
Between the building exit and the paddy wagons most pieces
of dope seemed to change ownership 4 - 5 times.
It was hilarious to watch, and I wondered why they did not
just drop the dope.
Click on the picture for the large version
Alyeska, AK
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Artia Patrice Davis, 30 in Clearwater, Florida
Teacher - Jailed After Police Discover
Disabled Student In Her Bed
Artia Patrice Davis, a 30-year-old teacher's aide at
Hamilton Disston School was jailed after she was allegedly
caught with a 16-year-old disabled student in her bed.
According to police, an investigation was launched after
receiving several reports that Davis was having an
inappropriate relationship with an underage student.
Officers had gone to the teacher's home to investigate
further when they discovered the same 16-year-old
student lying in her bed.
The alleged relationship between Davis and the student
began in November, 2011 and continued until May of this year.
Davis was booked into the Pinellas County Jail and charged
with unlawful sexual activity with a minor. Her bond has
been set at $10,000.
Davis was previously arrested in March of this year after
she was allegedly caught driving on a suspended or revoked
license. Davis was charged with a felony in the arrest
because she has been designated a habitual offender.
Tech Support Pits:
From: Craig
Re: Is PayPal safe for sellers?
Dear Webby,
How safe is PayPal for sellers when compared to credit cards?
Thanks
Craig
Dear Craig
PayPal is perfecly safe, both for consumers and for
merchants. If there is a dubious payment, they will just
hold that payment while they investigate and confirm it.
They won't block your entire account and hold ALL your
money, like for example Card Services International does.
Also PayPal's rates and fees compare very favorably.
Credit card systems have not improved in the last twenty
years, they just got a lot more expensive for merchants.
It seems, every time you check, they have tacked on some
other fee, and nowadays with credit card acceptance you
have to budget about 5% or more for those miscellaneous
fees and rates.
With PayPal it seems to be the opposite. Their rates
and fees remained stable, but every time you check,
they have added some more features and goodies
that make life easier for merchants, without raising
their rates.
To top it all off, you can now use PayPal to process
credit card payments at the same low rates as regular
PayPal payments.
PayPal is very strict against gambling, porno or selling
illegal drugs. If they catch you selling that, they saw off
your account for good, and then you HAVE to use cedit cards.
Nowadays, if a company does not accept PayPal, then quite
possibly they have been caught doig something, that PayPal
frowns on.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Thanks to Dave for this one:
When we brought our new-born son to the pediatrician for his first
checkup, the doctor said, "You have a cute baby."
Smiling, I said, "I'll bet you say that to all the new parents."
"No," he replied, "just to those whose babies are really
good-looking."
"So what do you say to the others?" I asked.
"He looks just like you."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Organize Coupons In Card Sheet Protectors
I was having a hard time keeping up with my coupons.
So a friend of mine bought me a binder for my birthday,
and I bought a pack of baseball card holder sleeves and a
pack of dividers. Now I am so organized it's scary. My son
says what is scary is that I actually know what coupons I
have! It's a race to see how many I can use before they
expire. I also have a steno pad where I write down for each
store what I will use with a coupon.
Source: Money Saving Mom
By Paula from Weldon
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Negotiations between union members and their employer were
at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were
flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions.
One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief
negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper,
"This man," he announced, "Called in Sick yesterday!"
There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly
ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament
with an excellent score.
The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator.
"Wow," he said. "Think of what kind of score he could have
had if he hadn't been sick!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Two bored dealers are waiting around for someone to
walk up and try their luck at the craps table. A very
well built lady comes in and wants to bet twenty-
thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. The
dealers agree.
She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much
luckier when I'm half naked." With that she strips
naked from the waist up, and rolls the dice while
bouncing up and down and whispering,
"Momma needs clothes!"
She then begins jumping up and down and hugging
each of the dealers.
"YES! I WIN! I WIN!" With that she picks up the money
and clothes and quickly leaves.
The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded.
Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?"
The other answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were
watching the dice!"
[ add comment ]
|
permalink |
( 3 / 33 )
Using Linux to rescue a Windows machine from Norton malfunction
Saturday, May 12, 2012, 06:15 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday,May 12
Thank you, Patricia!
Yesterday, in 1189 Emperor Frederik I Barbarossa & 100,000
crusaders departed Regensburg in Bavaria, to walk all the way
to Jerusalem, looting and killing all along the way there and
back, to teach whoever was in charge in Jerusalem, about peace
and friendliness. The Christian way of doing jihad. I sure am
glad they got it out of their system and smartened up after that.
It is mindboggling, though, to imagine 100,000 armed barbarians
marching along, and the problems they must have had feeding
that kind of army!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
0254 St Stephan I replaces Lucius I as Catholic Pope
1096 The Jews of Regensburg, who resisted forced conversion, were killed
1551 San Marcos University in Lima Peru, opens
1733 Maria Theresa crowned queen of Bohemia in Prague
1777 1st ice cream advertisement (Philip Lenzi-New York Gazette)
1792 Toilet that flushes itself at regular intervals is patented
1835 Charles Darwin visits copper mines in North Chile
1885 Battle of Batoche, French Canadians rebel against Canada
1925 Uzbekistan & Kirgizistan become autonomous Soviet republics
1928 Mussolini ends woman's rights in Italy
1928 Opium laws enforced in USA
1940 Nazi blitz conquest of France began by crossing Meuse River
1942 1,500 Jews gassed in Auschwitz
1943 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill arrives in US
1944 900+ 8th Air Force bombers attack Zwikau, Bohlen & Brüx
1949 West begins Berlin Airlift to get supplies around Soviet blockade
1951 1st H Bomb test, on Enewetak Atol
1980 1st nonstop crossing of US via balloon (Maxie Anderson & son Chris)
1997 Russia & Chechnya sign peace deal after 400 years of conflict
1997 Susie Maroney, 22, of Australia, is 1st to swim from Cuba to Florida
1997 Tornado narrowly misses downtown Miami
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
--- Euripides
Nobody got anywhere in the world by simply being content.
--- Louis L'Amour
A son comes home from the Army. After a few hours, he
finally gets to talk to his father alone behind the barn.
"So, son, what did the Army teach you?" asked the father.
"Well, they taught me how to kill people," said the son.
"With what?" asked father.
"We used all kinds of things, like guns and knives, but
my favorite was the grenade," said the son.
"What's a grenade?" asked the father.
"Well, I brought one home to show you. You just pull this
pin out and throw it as far as you can," said the son.
The son proceeded to give a demonstration. Lo and
behold, the son throws the grenade and it lands just twenty
feet behind the outhouse.
BOOM!!! The outhouse is demolished. All the lumber and
everything else lands in a heap in the yard.
Grandpa sticks his head out of the pile and says,
'Whew, glad I didn't let that one loose in the house!"'
Need to cure Registry Problems?
With Windows 7 that is even more important.
Get RegCure
A woman went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of
peat moss. She gave a personal check in payment and said to
the clerk, "I suppose you will want some identification."
He replied, without hesitation, "No ma'am, that won't be
necessary."
"How come?" asked the woman.
"Crooks don't buy peat moss." answered the clerk.
Click on the picture for the large version
Hanging On!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Kamil Mezalka, 21,
Perp tried to destroy child porno on his computer
by stabbing computer with sword.
MAY 10--In an apparent attempt to destroy evidence, a
Florida man stabbed his computer with a samurai sword as
FBI agents raided his home in connection with a child
pornography probe, according to court records.
When federal investigators arrived early Tuesday at the
Palm Coast residence of Kamil Mezalka, 21, nobody answered
their “knock and announcement.” So agents “executed a
mechanical breach of the door” and stormed the home.
As recounted in an affidavit, Mezalka emerged from his second-
floor bedroom, spotted the federal interlopers, and returned
to his room and closed the door.
After Mezalka ignored demands to exit the bedroom, agents
entered the chamber, where they spotted him “standing in his
underwear, holding a two-handed samurai sword which he had
stabbed into the side of a desktop computer.”
Mezalka ignored directions to drop the sword. When Mezalka
began to remove the sword from the computer, agents pounced
on him to “eliminate any potential danger.”
Agents had secured a search warrant for Mezalka’s residence
after an undercover FBI agent recently downloaded illicit
images and videos from Mezalka’s computer via a peer-to-peer
file sharing service.
During an interview with FBI agents, Mezalka admitted “having
a file sharing program on his computer which he used to
download pornography, including child pornography.”
Mezalka, who used the online handle “Wolfcarven,” reportedly
told investigators that he was “attracted to teenage girls
13 to 18 years in age.” He also admitted that it was “possible”
he downloaded pornographic images of girls younger than 13,
MacDonald reported.
An FBI forensic examiner who reviewed the hard drive of
Mezalka’s desktop computer--which survived the samurai
sword stabbing--discovered hundreds of files depicting
“the sexual abuse of children,” according to MacDonald.
Charged with possession of child pornography, Mezalka is
currently locked up in advance of a detention hearing
Friday in U.S. District Court in Jacksonville
Tech Support Pits:
From: DJ
Re: Windows machine saved via linux
Bless you, Dear Webby . . .
for pointing me to that Norton Removal Tool! My son inherited
a poorly maintained/protected Dell Dimensions XP computer
awhile back and it soon got into an unbootable state with
the installed Norton software continuously shutting down
Windows "for it's own good."
Unable to get around it in any other way, I booted the machine
from a Ubuntu Linux CD and trashed what I could of the
Norton software by brute force (i.e. dragging it to the trash).
After that I was able to boot into Windows and deal with all
the malware and registry errors.
The system operated for a couple of weeks before once again
giving us the Blue Screen of Death and refusing to boot. This
time I was unable to mount the HDD using the Linux workaround
and was really stuck. At last it was the Ultimate Boot CD v5.1.1
that saved my bacon when I ran ViVard v0.4, Viva Surface Test
with Remapping. That repaired the bad block and enabled
Windows XP to boot.
This is now my third day of running repeated virus and malware
scans using AVG, Malwarebytes, and Housecall from TrendMicro.
AVG initially found 2 viruses, then Malwarebytes found 2 more
viruses and 416 other threats(!), and finally Housecall removed
yet one more hacker threat the other two scanners had missed.
With all three scanners now showing negative results for malware
infections, I then used the Norton Removal Tool and cleaned up
a boat load of crap left behind in my previous attempts to
uninstall Norton!
Just thought you might like to reference Ultimate Boot CD and
Malwarebytes in your great bag o' tricks. And thanks again for
your trustworthy tech tips. I like getting that information in small
doses amid the fun stuff!
DJ
Dear DJ
Thanks for the info!
Yes, Norton does occasionally fail to protect machines and
instead gets carried away marking spots on the hard drive as bad
to hide itself in there. That is one of the reasons I carry that
Norton Removal Tool in my Tool Box.
I have heard about the Ultimate Boot CD.
If anybody wants to build one, check it out at http://www.ubcd4win.com/
A word of caution: You will need to read a bunch of instructions!
Building the Ultimate Boot CD requires an XP Setup CD
with SP1 or SP2, and following detailed instructions.
The Linux version is simple by comparison, but requires some
familiarity with Linux. The Linux Ultimate Boot CD is at
http://www.ultimatebootcd.com/
A Boot CD is not something, that you can just download.
You have to BUILD an ISO image of the CD, and then use
an ISO burner program (also in my tool box) to burn the
image onto a CD.
The same ISO burner program is also used to make bootable
Linux "Live CDs" for trying different flavors of Linux, and
booting into them from CD, without killing Windows.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Thanks to Stephanie forthis one:
Like most babies, mine is not finicky about what he puts
in his mouth. He Eats anything. But the day he swallowed
a quarter, I panicked and called the doctor.
"What should I do?" I pleaded over the phone.
My extremely laid-back doctor answered calmly, "Swallowing a
quarter is nothing to worry about. But if he does it again
and a can of pop shoots out of his rear, give me a call."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cleaning Vinyl Records
To clean the grooves of old records, dip a shaving brush
in a mixture of equal parts distilled water and triple distilled
vodka. Brush the mixture into the grooves of the record
and dry with a tack cloth.
By duckie-do from Cortez, CO
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to judy for this story:
Two brawny men came to my house to install some new floor
covering in the kitchen. Once they had moved the stove and
refrigerator out of the way, it was not long before the job
was done.
As they were getting ready to leave, I asked them to put the
heavy appliances back in place. The two men said that would
cost an additional $45 service fee, stating it was not in
their contract. I really had no choice but to pay them.
As soon as they left, however, the doorbell rang. It was the
two men. They asked me to move my car, which was blocking
their van.
I told them my fee: $55.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting
of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit.
"They must be British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so
beautiful. Clearly, they are French."
"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out,
"they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this
is paradise. They are Russian."
[ add comment ]
|
permalink |
( 3 / 32 )
Friday, May 11, 2012, 06:43 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday,May 11
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Thank you, Robert!
I woke up to a blizzard again, and 3 inches of fresh snow.
The blizzard left and by 9 am the sky was clear. It was so
bright out with the May sun on the fresh snow, that it hurt
my eyes. However,the hike up to the hospital and back was
quite enjoyable.
I read an interesting article, that tried to explain why Alaska
and Canada had a record cold winter, and why Alaska and
the arctic ocean got more ice than normal, with the Bering
still choked up with ice, while the lower 48 states had a
warm and short winter. They claimed that the big North was
under thousands of years old cyclical effects, whereas the
comparatively small South was showing the effects of
man-made gullible warming, and that the lower ocean levels
in Florida are due to the Alaskans and Canadians hogging
all the ice.
I guess you got to be a believer for it to make sense to you.
It is still amusing, though.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
1189 Emperor Frederik I Barbarossa & 100,000 crusaders depart Regensburg
1330 Constantinople (Istanbul) becomes new capital
for Eastern Roman Empire
1421 Jews are expelled from Styria
1751 1st US hospital founded (Pennsylvania Hospital)
1752 1st US fire insurance policy issued (Philadelphia)
1792 Columbia River discovered & named by US Captain Robert Gray
1812 Waltz introduced into English ballrooms - Most observers
consider it disgusting & immoral. No wonder it caught on!
1814 Americans defeat British at Battle of Plattsburgh
1818 Cincinnati Reds Hod Eller no-hits St Louis Cardinals, 6-0
1833 "Lady-of-the-Lake" strikes iceberg & sinks in N Atlantic; kills 215
1850 Work starts on 1st brick building in San Fransisco
1916 Einstein's Theory of General Relativity presented
1921 Tel Aviv is 1st all Jewish municipality
1928 General Electric opens 1st TV-station (Schenectady NY)
1929 1st regularly scheduled TV broadcasts (3 nights per week)
1931 Credit-Anstalt, Austria's largest bank, fails
beginning financial collapse of Central Europe
1942 Japanese troops conquer Kalewa
1943 US 7th division lands on Attu, Aleutian
1947 BF Goodrich manufactures 1st tubeless tire, Akron OH
1949 1st Polaroid camera sold $89.95 (NYC)
1951 Jay Forrester patents computer core memory
1955 Israel attacks Gaza
1962 US sends troops to Thailand
1967 100,000,000th US phone connected
1978 Margaret A Brewer is 1st female general in the US Marine Corps
1987 1st heart-lung transplant take place (Baltimore)
1989 President Bush orders nearly 2,000 troops to Panamá
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Few people can see genius in someone
who has offended them.
--- Robertson Davies
"I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the
world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to
plan the day."
--- E. B. White
"With 60 staring me in the face, I have developed inflammation
of the sentence structure and a definite hardening of the
paragraphs."
--- James Thurber
"I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a "learning
experience." Then again, I like to think of anything stupid
I've done as a "learning experience." It makes me feel less
stupid."
--- P. J. O'Rourke
"NEXT," the conference emcee announced, "we have the
Chief of the State Patrol, Roger Ledding, who is
here with his lovely wife, Beverly."
The chief took his place at the lectern. "I'm a little nervous,"
he began, "getting up before this distinguished audience
and speaking today. But not nearly as nervous as I will be
tonight when I must go home with my wife, *Audrey*, and
try to explain Beverly to her!"
Need to cure Registry Problems?
With Windows 7 that is even more important.
Get RegCure
One day a man went to an auction.
While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird,
so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but
kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.
Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the
bid - the parrot was his at last!
As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer,
"I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid
this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"
"Don't worry," said the auctioneer,
"He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Andres Martinez, 24,
Man led police on low-speed chase
while rolling a joint
HOUSTON (UPI) -- Houston police said they arrested an
intoxicated man accused of leading officers on a low-speed
chase and attempting to run over an officer.
Police said Andres Martinez, 24, led police on a 20-minute
low-speed chase Sunday morning on the Gulf Freeway and
swerved his car in an alleged attempt to hit an officer who was
laying down a spike strip in the road, KHOU-TV, Houston,
reported Monday.
The officer jumped out of the way of the vehicle and was not
harmed, police said.
Martinez told officers after his arrest he was not
trying to strike the officer and his car swerved because he
was trying to roll a joint while calling his "peeps" to tell
them about his impending arrest.
Martinez appeared in court Monday on charges of evading
arrest and attempted intoxication assault. Prosecutors had
sought an attempted murder charge, but the judge said
there was not enough probable cause to support the count.
Martinez has a long rap sheet that includes several drug
charges and assault on a family member.
Tech Support Pits:
From: Nellie
Re: Voting
Dear Webby,
Good Luck with your test.
I know you miss that cookie every two hours.
Ordered ink from the site on your page.
It has arrived and I am so pleased.
Where do you get all your beautiful pictures?
Should I vote everyday?
Enjoy your Site.
South, USA
Nellie
Dear Nellie
The nurse had problems drawing blood,
so she got a different nurse, who wasn't buttoned
up quite so close to the chin.
No problem at all after she bent low over my hand.
She reminded me of a nurse in Switzerland. At one place
I worked there, once a month everybody hiked a mile up to
the hospital and donated blood. I had to lie down on a cot
and some cute nurse came by, started the needle in my
arm, and while her right boob was only an inch from my
open palm, said "Squeeze!"
So I did.
She was a bit startled, but did not pull away,
and after a few seconds even grinned.
If she was here, I'd still donate a Liter of blood
every month!
Re the voting:
It looks like they got it fixed. Yes, please vote every day!
Each newsletter competes every day, and more important yet,
I check the number of votes and enter them into a graph.
That tells me whether I delivered what you wanted,
or whether I missed.
Good for you re the ink!
I have used AtlanticInkjet.com ink for about a dozen years
and been quite satisfied with them.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Thanks to Cookie for this one:
I do have the courage, but not always the skills, to tackle
any home repair project.
And yes I tackle almost all of them.
For example, in my garage are pieces of a lawnmower I once
tried to fix.
A couple of my neighbors were walking by my house,
and found me in the garage attacking my vacuum cleaner with
a screwdriver.
"I can't get this thing to cooperate,"I explained when I saw them.
Joyce suggested, "Why don't you drag it over to the other side
of the garage and show it what you did to the lawnmower?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Give Each Child Their Own Color
I have four kids in my house. To make things easier, each
kid has their own color (green, blue, red, pink/yellow). we
have three boys and a girl. Most things come in green, blue,
red, and yellow like plates, bowls, cups, tooth brushes, etc.
Our only girl likes the color pink, but most of the time I
can't find pink so I get her yellow. That is why her color is
pink/yellow.
The main reason for the color system was when the kids were
done eating dinner they all wanted dessert. The rule is "you
have to finish what is on your plate to get dessert". There
was always one plate that was left with food still on it, but
each kid said, "That's not my plate! I ate all mine!" I never
knew whose it was, but with the color system, NOW I know.
These days, everything in our house comes in colors.
By runningonempty1971 from Columbus, OH
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Bob for this:
Both sides of our family turned out for my wife's college
graduation. After the dean finished awarding all the
diploma's, he requested, "Will all the 'cum laudes' please
stand up?"
My mother-in-law leaned over and whispered, "Wow! The Cum
Laude family sure has a lot of kids!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
SINGLE BLONDE FEMALE...
Seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant.
I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play.
I love long walks in the
woods, riding in your pickup truck,
hunting, camping, and fishing trips,
cozy winter nights lying by the fire.
Candlelight dinners will have me eating
out of your hand. Rub me the right way and
watch me respond. I'll be at
the front door when you get home from work,
wearing only what nature gave me.
Kiss me and I'm yours.
Call 123-4567 and ask for Dixie."
Over 150 men found themselves talking to the Local
Humane Society,
about a 4 months old Yellow Lab pup.
[ add comment ]
|
permalink |
( 3 / 31 )
Personal Information Managers
Thursday, May 10, 2012, 06:01 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday,May 10
Today I have to go for one of those blood tests, where you
have to fast before it. That seems funny to me. I used to
be quite casual about eating and frequently skipped a meal
or two. Then with diabetes, and fighting it, I was told to
not only eat regularly, but to ensure I ate at least a plain
oat meal cookie or something every two hours. OK, so I
got used to that. And now I am supposed to revert to my
old wicked ways?
It's not a big deal, just seems funny.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
1267 Vienna's church orders all Jews to wear a distinctive garb
1278 Jews of England imprisoned on charges of coining
1427 Jews are expelled from Berne Switzerland
1497 Italian navigator Amerigo Vespucci leaves for
1st voyage to New World
1503 Columbus discovers Cayman Islands
1534 French navigator Jacques Cartier reaches Newfoundland
1655 Jamaica captured by English
1752 Benjamin Franklins 1st tests the lightning rod
1797 1st Navy ship, the "United States" is launched
1823 1st steamboat to navigate the Mississippi River arrives
at Fort Snelling
1908 1st Mother's Day observed (Philadelphia)
1910 1st aircraft air display held (Hendon, England)
1933 Paraguay declares war on Bolivia
1940 French troops arrive in Zealand/Brabant Netherlands
1940 Nazi armies invade the Benelux countries of Netherlands,
Belgium & Luxembourg
1941 Adolf Hitler's deputy Rudolf Hess parachutes into Scotland
1941 England's House of Commons & Holborn Theater
destroyed in a blitz
1944 Chinese offensive in West-Yunnan
1945 Allies capture Rangoon from the Japanese
1945 A week after Germany surrendered, Russian troops
occupy Prague
1948 1st attack by Egyptian irregular forces at Kfar Darom Israel
1959 Soviet forces arrive in Afghanistan
1960 US atomic sub USS Triton completes 1st circumnavigation
of globe under water
1968 Vietnam peace talks began in Paris between the US &
North Vietnam
1969 Apollo 10 transmit 1st color pictures of Earth from space
1969 US troops begin attack on Hill 937/Hamburger Hill
1994 Nelson Mandela sworn in as South Africa's 1st
black president
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
"Opportunity is often difficult to recognize;
we usually expect it to beckkon us with beepers
and billboards."
--- William Arthur Ward
From Andy:
I went to the bar the other night and told the 'keep, "A glass of
your finest Less, please."
"'Less'? Never heard of it," he said.
"C'mon, surely you have."
"No, really, we don't stock it. What is it? Some kind of foreign
beer?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "It was my doctor who mentioned it.
He said I should 'drink Less.'"
Need to cure Registry Problems?
With Windows 7 that is even more important.
Get RegCure
My cousin, the first year he was a practicing attorney, drafted wills
for an elderly husband and wife who had been somewhat
apprehensive about discussing death.
When they arrived to sign the documents, he ushered the couple
into his office. "Now," he said to them, "which one of you wants to
go first?"
Click on the picture for the large version
Irresistible
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Motorist, 12, Busted For Wild Pizza Joy Ride
MAY 4--A 12-year-old Indiana boy was arrested last night
after he allegedly stole $20 from a neighbor, took his mother’s
Ford Taurus, and went on a pizza run to Little Caesars with
two younger children in the vehicle, police report.
The child was collared after leading cops on a chase that
included him striking another vehicle, an accident that left
his passengers--a girl, 6, and her brother, 7--with minor
injuries. The driver told officers that he knew police
“were attempting to stop him, but did not stop because he
was afraid.”
The boy, whose name was redacted from a Beech Grove Police
Department report, was booked last night on a variety of
criminal charges and placed into a juvenile detention facility.
According to investigators, the boy said that he took his
mother’s car keys and first drove to an Indianapolis park to
show his young passengers “where he plays baseball.”
While there, a witness spotted the boy driving and called
911. However, Indianapolis cops were unable to locate the child.
From there, the boy drove about three miles to Little Caesars,
where he bought a pizza “using a $20 bill which he had stolen
from a neighbor.”
A witness, Melynda Golden, called cops when she spotted the
boy drive away with “two younger children in the vehicle, but
no adults.”
Golden, 45, told police that she had earlier encountered
the boy inside the pet shop where she works. Golden asked
the child if he was with a parent, “to which the boy
responded ‘no.’”
When Golden saw the boy drive away from Little Caesars, she
“attempted to block his escape with her own vehicle,” but he
“drove over the business sidewalk to evade her.” Golden,
who called police while following the Taurus, reported that
the boy’s young passengers were “un-buckled and were being
jostled about the car.”
A Beech Grove cop eventually joined the pursuit as the boy
weaved around cars, drove on the road’s shoulder, and
struck a Jeep at an intersection (which left the Taurus
leaking coolant).
As officers prepared to use “stop sticks” to slow the boy
down, he ran into traffic, allowing a cop to block the
Taurus and take the child into custody.
Medics were summoned to treat the three children for
injuries suffered during the chase (the girl had a
“large contusion to her forehead”).
Jessica Strode, the mother of the two passengers, told
police that she believed her children were being watched
by Kimberly Terry, the mother of the 12-year-old driver.
Terry, however, said that she was unaware that the
younger children had even been at her home.
The underage motorist told police that he had gone to
Little Caesars because “the other children were hungry.”
Tech Support Pits:
From: Erika
Re: PIM Personal Information manager
Dear Webby,
Is there a PIM for use on a desktop and laptop computer
that you can recommend?
All the ones I have tried so far are klunky and awkward,
and often expensive.
Erika
Dear Erika
They are all klunky and awkward..
Especially until you get used to one.
Don't expect a PIM to be a total solution, unless you
make it yourself. I find a spreadsheet like Quattro or
Excel comes closest to an ideal PIM.
Prioritizing is a snap, you have layers for in-depth
recording and details, inside and outside links are easy,
and you have total flexibility.
The drawback is that you have to be reasonably comfortable
with spreadsheets.
Second best is PlanPlus from FranklinCovey.
It's basically just the good old Franklin Planner brought
onto the computer. Like the Franklin Planner, it is based
on Benjamin Franklins concept of prioritizing instead of
focusing on time, like the DayTimers.
It handles prioritizing smoothly, allows drag-and-drop
rescheduling, and all the other stuff that lesser PIMs
and PDAs have. It also synchronizes with Palm OS
handhelds.
The drawback is it's price, normally around $100, but
occasionally discounted. If I was to buy one, instead of
using spreadsheets, that one might be my choice. (If my.
budget allowed it)
If you want a free or cheap PIM, ArtPlus has EasyNoter
for free at http://www.artplus.hr/adapps/eng/downloads.htm
It's definitely a lightweight, but surprisingly good for
a it's price. It has thoughtful touches like a link to the
HungerSite on it's cover, a smoothly working photo-album
that you can use for storing screenshots of maps or
diagrams.
Drawback is that prioritizing and rescheduling is rather
awkward. Scheduled but not completed items tend
to scroll out of the visible range, if you aren't watching
for them and re-schedule them.
However, other than that, it is quite good and beats many
$50 PIMs.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Rodney and Bill were at a bar talking about how highly
their wives thought of them.
Bill said, "My wife thinks so much of me that she won't
let me do any work around the house. It's incredible."
Not to be out done, Rodney said, "That's nothing.
My wife thinks I'm God."
Confused Bill asked, "She thinks you're God?
What makes you say that?"
"Easy. Every night she places a burnt offering before me."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Get Books From The Library
I am an avid reader, and would haunt book stores and buy a
minimum 3 or 4 books a month. Then I started frequenting
thrift stores and would come home with 10 or 12 at a time.
I would donate my used books to a local senior center thrift
store. Then I realized the library was across the street from
the senior center thrift store and membership is free.
Now I can read my favorite author from the first book to
the most recent in order, and if the library doesn't have one
of the books, they can get it from another library for me.
Also, the library has subscriptions to many of the magazines
I read, so I no longer subscribe to them. Sometimes I just go
and spend a few hours reading the magazines at the library.
Once in a while, I do find something I want to add to my
personal library, however, all of this has saved me a lot of
money in a year.
By Dakota from CO
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A CHILD'S PERSPECTIVE ON ADULT BEHAVIOR
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.
Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like
sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
--Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who
they're going to marry. God decides it all way before,
and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
--Kirsten, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person
FOREVER by then.
--Camille,age 10
No age is good to get married at.
You got to be a fool to get married. It just leads to
fighting and kids.
--Freddie, age 6
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, depending on whether they seem
to be yelling at the same kids.
--Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids. --Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know
each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long
enough.
--Lynnette, age 8
On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets
them interested enough to go for a second date.
--Martin, age 10
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
--Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess
with that.
--Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you
should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right
thing to do.
--Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys.
Boys need someone to clean up after them.
--Anita, age 9
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE
DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
--Kelvin, age 8
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks
like a garbage truck.
-- Katrina, age 10
Take the garbage out to the curb at night, so that the
morning does not start with a fight.
-- Peter, age 7
I would build a treehouse for the kids, as far away as
possible, for some peace and quiet when I want to
cuddle up with my wife on the couch.
-- Thomas, age 8
The husband should not start laughing every time the
smoke detector goes off in the kitchen and make the
wife mad for the rest of the day.
-- Barbie
If the daddy brings home some flowers, even if they are
the weird ones from the cemetery, then the mom forgets
what she was going to argue about and they smile and
smooch instead.
-- Holly
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Reverend Smith, a respected church leader, arrived in a
town to deliver a series of speeches. At a banquet the
first evening, he noticed some reporters in the audience.
Because he wanted to use some of the stories he told that
night in his speeches the next day, he asked the reporters to
omit them from their articles. One article that came out the
next day, written by a cub reporter, concluded with this
line: "Reverend Smith also told a number of stories that
cannot be printed."
[ add comment ]
|
permalink |
( 3.1 / 35 )
Wednesday, May 9, 2012, 07:19 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday,May 9
I went to Walmart to buy a battery for my phone. Just a
regular, cheap portable phone, that I had bought at Walmart
a few years ago.
"Oh, we don't sell batteries for the phones we sell. Otherwise
people just buy batteries instead of new phones."
Now I am looking for a store, where they are not quite that
sleazy.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
1502 Columbus left Spain on his 4th & final trip to New World
1519 Austrian uprising against central government
1788 English parliament accepts abolishing of slave trade
1896 1st horseless carriage show in London (featured 10 models)
1899 Lawn mower patented
1914 President Wilson proclaims Mother's Day
1944 Country singer Jimmie Davis becomes Governor of Louisiana
1945 Week after end of WWII Czechoslovakia liberated from Nazi
occupation (National Day)
1945 Jersey liberated from Nazis
1949 Prince Rainier III becomes leader of Monaco
1960 US is 1st country to use the birth control pill legally
1970 100,000s demonstrate against Vietnam War
1989 Vice President Dan Quayle says in United Negro College Fund
speech: "What a waste it is to lose one's mind" instead of
"a mind is terrible thing to waste"
1997 1st US ambassador since Saigon fell arrives in Vietnam
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A small town is someplace where everybody knows
whose whiskey is good,
and whose wife isn't.
--- Socratex
The truth that makes men free is for the most part the
truth which men prefer not to hear.
--- Herbert Agar
> Thanks to Mona for this:
I was having trouble with the idea of turning 30 and was
oversensitive to any signs of advancing age. When I found
a prominent gray hair in my bangs, I pointed to my forehead.
"Have you seen this?" I indignantly asked my husband.
"What?" he asked. "The wrinkles?"
Need to cure Registry Problems?
With Windows 7 that is even more important.
Get RegCure
PRAYERS AROUND THE ZODIAC
ARIES: Dear God, please give me patience ...
and could you do it right now?
TAURUS: Dear God, help me accept change,
but let's do it my way.
GEMINI: Dear God! Who is God? Where is God? Why is God?
CANCER: Dear God!!! Why me?
LEO: Yes? Hello God...are you listening to me?
VIRGO: Dear God, please make us perfect and don't mess it
up like You did the last time.
LIBRA: Dear God, please help me to be decisive, but on the
other hand, what do you think is best?
SCORPIO: Our Father, forgive us our debts as we forgive
our debtors, even though the low-life scum don't deserve it!
SAGITTARIUS: Dear Lord, if I've told you once, I've told
you a million times, help me stop exaggerating.
CAPRICORN: Dear God! I'd like to ask you to help me,
but I learned a long time ago not to rely on anyone else!
AQUARIUS: Dear God, I know I like change, but this chaos
is ridiculous!!
PISCES: Dear Lord, as long as I'm going to drink this fifth
of Scotch tonight, please use the stimulation for Thy glory.
Thanks to Cheryl for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
Hi Webby,
This is the "super moon" Santa Cruz California style.
Best Regards,
Cheryl
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Jami Toler, 27 in Phoenix, Arizona
Charged With Pretending To Have Cancer To
Raise Money For Breast Implants
Jami Toler, a 27-year-old Phoenix woman was jailed Wednesday
after she allegedly faked having cancer to raise money for
breast implants.
According to Mesa Police, in August of 2011, Toler told her
co-workers at Hallmark Hospice that she had been diagnosed
with breast cancer, and that she needed a double-mastectomy.
She also stated that she would need to have her breasts
augmented, and that she was unable to come up with the
money needed for the surgeries.
Toler asked her co-workers and family members to raise
money for her medical expenses, so they held fund-raisers
and deposited $8,000 to an account opened by Toler.
In November, Toler used most of the money to pay for breast
implants, but did not receive any treatment for her alleged
breast cancer.
Investigators say co-workers became suspicious when
Toler missed work and was unable to provide a doctor's
note when she returned from medical leave. Detectives
looked at her medical records and was unable to find
any indication that she had been diagnosed with breast
cancer or received cancer treatment of any kind.
After being exposed as a fraud, Toler quit her job and
began working at a car dealership, where she was
apprehended.
Toler was booked into the Maricopa County Jail on
felony fraud and theft charges. She was released
and ordered to wear an ankle monitor. She was also
told not to contact the 17 co-workers she lied to.
Tech Support Pits:
From: Terry
Re: Blacklist or filters?
Dear Webby,
What is better for controlling spam, blacklisting,
or filters?
Terry
Dear Terry
Whenever you spot a pattern, make a filter.
Filters are permanent.
Your blacklist grows large and unwieldy very quickly,
but is usually quite useless, since spammers never
re-use the same forged sending address anyway,
except for your own address.
The only difference you'll notice when you dump your
blacklist, is that the program works faster.
Filters can work on the body of the email, not just on the
usually forged sender address, and they do that, no matter
how misleading the subject line is.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW
1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2. 2,000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement =
1 bananosecond
5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Spray Bottle With Diluted Dish Soap
To save on dish soap, fill a spray bottle one-quarter full
of soap and top it off with water, give the mixture a good
shake to mix well, and close the bottle. Spraying this on
dishes cuts grease and saves a little money.
By duckie-do from Cortez, CO
That is a fast way to find out, which dish soaps have
already been diluted and relabled.
A quart of Simple Green Automotive makes 60 quarts of
quite powerful dishsoap, and has a fresh mint smell.
Non-toxic.
I have used it for decades.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Dave for this one:
I recall a time when my son was about 18 months old.
I had him strapped in a backpack and was rushing to catch
the bus. Apparently I mis-stepped and fell down an entire
flight of stairs, (13 to be exact). I was bruised,
bleeding and I had torn my jeans ... but my main concern
was, naturally, for my child.
My fears were alleviated though, when from behind me I
heard a gleeful giggle followed by, "Do it again, Daddy!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Thanks to Annie for this story:
While picking up a prescription, I noticed that the woman who
gave me my medication was wearing a beautiful mother's ring.
"I love your ring," I said. "It's very similar to mine." And I held out
my hand to show her. Each ring had three birthstones.
"You have three children too?" I asked.
"Well, no," the woman replied. "When my daughter picked
this out for me, she liked the rings with three settings the
best. So I have birthstones for two daughters, and this one,"
she said while pointing to the center gem, "is for the dog."
[ add comment ]
|
permalink |
( 3 / 38 )
How to completely get rid of Norton?
Tuesday, May 8, 2012, 06:46 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday,May 8
Here is the latest re AtlanticInkjet.com and the webby coupon:
Use the webby coupon to get these discounts at AtlanticInkjet.com
20% off refills, (just toner/ink and chip)
15% off compatible cartridges, (no-name-brand cartridges)
10% off remanufactured cartridges, (refilled name brand cartridges)
and there is 0% on original brand (OEM) for example HP brand
Avoid shipping plastic back and forth,
when all you need is ink or toner!
Shipping is free on orders over $50 (US) or $60 (Canada)
------------------
I received a letter from the bank about an agent accidentally
opening my Safe Deposit Box and that i needed to supply
a signature for a new card. Naturally, I was rather concerned
about that, not because there is anything big in there, but
just the concept! The fuss they make, pretending that there
is no spare key and that one has to pay for drilling it open
if one loses a key, and so on.
So I went to the bank, prepared to raise a major fuss.
It turned out that with "agent opened your box by mistake.."
they actually meant that they had screwed up, when they
set up my box account twelve years ago, and that the little x
indicating where I should sign and my signature was in
the wrong slot. And that they were too dense to draw
a widdle arrow indicating, that the signature actually
belonged in the line above.
So instead of a bunch of yelling and screaming, I quietly
told her that when it comes to boxes, they should use the
term "set up" for setting up an account, not "open".
She almost understood that, I think.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
1429 French troops under Joan of Arc rescues Orléans
1541 Hernando de Soto discovers Mississippi River
1792 British Captain George Vancouver sights, names Mount Rainier WA
1792 US establishes military draft
1794 US Post Office established
1847 Robert Thompson patents rubber tire
1885 Sarah Ann Henley survives 76-meter (250') jump from
Clifton Bridge, Avon, England
1886 Atlanta pharmacist (Jacob's Pharmacy) Dr John Styth
Pemberton invents Coca Cola (contained cocaine)
1895 China cedes Taiwan to Japan under Treaty of Shimonoseki
1942 Battle of Coral Sea ends; Aircraft carrier Lexington sunk by
Japanese air attack
1944 1st eye bank opens (NYC)
1945 V-E Day; Germany signs unconditional surrender
1945 Chinese counter attack at Tsjangte, supports by 14th air fleet
1950 Chiang Kai-shek asks US for weapons
1952 Mad Magazine debuts
1960 USSR & Cuba resume diplomatic relations
1961 1st practical sea water conversion plant-Freeport TX
1963 JFK offers Israel assistance against aggression
1967 Muhammad Ali is indicted for refusing induction in US Army
1970 Construction workers break up an anti-war rally in
NYC's Wall Street
1971 Joe Frazier beats Muhammad Ali at Madison Square Garden
1979 Radio Shack releases TRSDOS 2.3
1993 16 year old Keron Thomas disguises himself as a motorman
& takes NYC subway train & 2,000 passengers on a 3 hour ride
1994 President Clinton announces US will no longer
repatriate boat people
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side
in a quarrel.
--- Robert Frost
A small town is someplace where everybody knows
whose whiskey is good,
and whose wife isn't.
--- Socratex
A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas
tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to
display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a
stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing
with men and soon, the ship had left port and was
streaming out of the channel.
The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the
deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record
for getting a destroyer under way.
The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not
all surprised when another seaman approached him with
a message from the captain.
He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a
radio message, and he was even more surprised when
he read, "My personal congratulations upon completing
your underway preparation exercise according to the book
and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you
have overlooked one of the unwritten rules -- make sure
the Captain is aboard before getting under way."
Need to cure Registry Problems?
With Windows 7 that is even more important.
Get RegCure
The police recently busted a man selling ' secret formula'
tablets he claimed gave eternal youth. When going through
their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught
for commiting this same criminal medical fraud.
He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
Dalarna, Sweden
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Mistie Atkinson, 32, in Napa, California
Sexual Relationship With 16-Year-Old
Biological Son
Mistie Atkinson, a 32-year-old California woman was jailed
after she engaged in a sexual relationship with her 16-year-
old biological son, whom she had, when SHE was 16.
According to Napa police, Atkinson was arrested after police
found her and her 16-year-old son in a motel room in Ukiah,
California.
Investigators say Atkinson, who has no custody rights to
the boy, began sending nude photographs of herself to him
some time after December, 22, 2011. The two reportedly
exchanged sexually explicit messages and discussed the
idea of running away together.
Detectives also discovered videos on the boy's cell phone
that showed Atkinson performing oral sex on the boy and
engaging in sexual intercourse with him.
"Atkinson and the victim are aware they are biological mother
and son," investigators wrote in an arrest affidavit.
The boy's father, who has sole custody, has obtained a
restraining order against Atkinson, according to court records.
Atkinson was booked into the Napa County Jail and charged
with incest, oral copulation of a minor, contact with a minor
for a sexual offense and sending harmful matter to a minor.
Her bail was set at $200,000 and her next court appearance
has been scheduled for May 10.
Tech Support Pits:
From: Isac
Re: Get rid of Norton
Dear Webby,
How do I completely get rid of Norton?
It is much more hassle than it is worth.
It was on this computer, when I bought it, and I should have
known better than to activate the free trial. Is this machine
now forever possessed with Norton, or do you know of a way
to exorcise it? Just uninstalling leaves parts of it hidden and
active.
Thanks
Isac
Dear Isac
I used to be a fan of Norton until they started marking good
areas of the hard drive as bad and hiding stuff in there.
At about the same time they spent Millions advertising that
it takes Norton to make Windows 98 complete. Somebody
at Microsoft seems to have been irked by that, and after
that Norton did not quite mesh with Windows like it did before.
What is also irksome is that normal UNinstall methods are not
quite sufficient for getting rid of it.
I have a Norton Remover in my Tool Box. It is quaite a ways
down, just above the IE7 and IE8 blockers.
You might find all kinds of useful goodies there. For example Launchy
It lets you launch programs with a key or two, as if you were on UNIX.
Hit ALT and SPACEbar, and type the first letter of the program
you want, and it launches it. If there are more than one starting
with the same letter, it shows you a list. You use the UP/Down
arrow to highlight the one you want, and hit ENTER.
Launchy is also a really handy calculator with horizontally
scrolling "tape". You see all the entries and can correct them.
Hit ESC and it is gone.
Hit ALT and SPACEbar, and it shows you the last calculation
again.
And it is FREE!
The downside is that there are a bazillion free "skins" available,
and you can easily waste an evening browsing for the one,
that is perfect for you.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was
responsible for returning equipment to the proper
owners at the end of the season.
When I walked into the surgery department carrying a
bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed
several patients and their families in a waiting area.
"Look, honey," one man said to his wife. "Here comes
your anesthesiologist."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Tape Recipes Inside Cabinet Doors
For years, I have taped my favorite recipes inside my cupboard
doors. I know exactly which door to open to make my zucchini
soup or my favorite party punch. This is normally wasted space
and the insides of the doors are covered!
I also include handy tips, substitutions - almost anything I
am bound to forget. I doubt myself too often not to have the
recipe right in front of me. It's also handy for grocery
shopping. If I want to make something special, I just glance
at the recipe while making out my list so that I don't forget
a needed ingredient. This saves time by not digging through
my recipe boxes or any cookbooks.
By omato3g1b from San Antonio, TX
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
>From Rosie
My first grade daughter and her friend both needed new
boots The friend got in the car one morning and finally
had gotten her boots.
"Tina," I commented, "I see you got new boots!
Where did you get them?"
"At the store," she answered. "Which one?" I asked.
She began looking at her new boots and after a pause
said, "Both of them!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
An older gentleman had an appointment to see a urologist
who shared an office with several other doctors. The
waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached
the receptionist desk he noticed that the receptionist was
a very large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo
wrestler. He gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE
YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR
ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads
around to look at the very embarrassed man.
He recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice
replied,
"NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE
OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME QUACK
WHO DID YOURS."
[ add comment ]
|
permalink |
( 3 / 35 )
Mysterious [SPAM] labels on good email
Monday, May 7, 2012, 07:31 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday,May 7
Here is the latest re AtlanticInkjet.com and the webby coupon:
20% off refills, (just toner/ink and chip)
15% off compatible cartridges, (no-name-brand cartridges)
10% off remanufactured cartridges, (refilled name brand cartridges)
and there is 0% on original brand (OEM) for example HP brand
I always buy the refill kits including chip.
Refilling is really easy and fast.
------------------
Cindy and a few others wrote to tell me that there is
no such thing as "Needing A Hernia Transplant".
Right, Cindy.
There isn't. It is just a polite way of saying, that
somebody found something so hilarious,
that they laughed their ass off.
---------------------
Yes, I know that Ezinefinder is down again,
and I have written to them yesterday.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
1355 1,200 Jews of Toledo Spain killed by Count Henry of Trastamara
1429 English siege of Orléans broken by Joan of Arc
1660 Isaack B Fubine of Savoy, in The Hague, patents macaroni
1727 Jews are expelled from Ukraine by Empress Catherine I of Russia
1765 Admiral Nelson's sailboat HMS Victory runs aground
1792 Captain Robert Gray discovers Grays Harbor (Washington)
1873 US marines attack Panamá
1888 George Eastman patents "Kodak box camera"
1909 Construction begins on first 100 houses in Ahuzat Bayit (Tel Aviv)
1913 British House of Commons rejects woman's right to vote
1914 US Congress establishes mother's day
1915 Lusitania sunk by German submarine; 1198 lives lost
1928 England lowers age of women voters from 30 to 21
1934 Part of Khabarovsk becomes a Jewish Autonomous Region
1938 Dutch Minister of Justice Goseling calls fugitives of
Nazi-Germany "undesired aliens"
1939 Germany & Italy announced an alliance known as the Rome-Berlin Axis
1941 British House of Commons votes for Churchill (477-3)
1941 Glenn Miller records "Chattanooga Choo Choo" for RCA
1942 Battle of Coral Sea ends stopping Japanese expansion
1945 German General Keitel repeats surrender signing in Berlin for the benefit
of the Russians; WWII ends in Europe
1954 France surrenders to Vietminh after 55-day siege at Dien Bien Phu
1966 Mamas & Papas "Monday Monday" hits #1
1970 "Long & Winding Road" becomes Beatles' last American release
1975 President Ford declares an end to "Vietnam Era"
1993 South Africa agrees to multi-racial elections
1994 Gary Hart's girlfriend Donna Rice (36) weds Jack Hughes (42)
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
If you don't know where you are going,
you will probably end up somewhere else.
--- Laurence J. Peter
The man who doesn't read good books
has no advantage over the man who can't read them.
--- Mark Twain
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting
attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed,
"that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the
question. "Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars
to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.
The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over
and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."
Need to cure Registry Problems?
With Windows 7 that is even more important.
Get RegCure
While I was in the men's section of a department store,
a woman asked me to help her choose a white dress
shirt for her husband. When I asked about his size, the
woman had to stop and think for a minute.
Then her face brightened. She held up her hands,
forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs, and
then tried to put them around my neck.
Then she said, "I don't know his size, but my hands
fit perfectly around his neck, your neck is about two
inches bigger around."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
Kata Noi Beach
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Patricia Krentcil, 44, Nutley, New Jersey
Jailed After Forcing 5-Year-Old Daughter To Tan,
Resulting In Severe Burns
Patricia Krentcil, a 44-year-old Nutley resident was jailed
after she allegedly forced her 5-year-old daughter into a
tanning booth, which resulted in serious burns.
According to the Nutley Township Police Department, officers
were called to the child's school after nurses discovered
that she was suffering from what appeared to be a severe
sunburn. The child stated that her mother made her stand
in a tanning booth with her, causing her to develop severe
burns.
Investigators say Krentcil admitted to taking her daughter
to a tanning booth a week prior to her arrest. Because
state laws ban children under the age of 14 from tanning
at a facility, she had to sneak the child into the booth
without the knowledge or consent of employees.
Krentcil was booked into the Essex County Jail and
charged with felony child endangerment, She was
released after posting $25,000 bail.
Tech Support Pits:
From: Carolyn
Re: Mystery Spam label
Dear Webby,
Lately all kinds of legitimate mail arrives with a [SPAM] label.
I don't know what is causing it, or how to stop that nuisance.
What's going on?
Carolyn
Dear Carolyn
That sounds like some well meaning but clueless family
member changed the settings in your McAfee, and told it
to check your mail for spam.
McAfee is excellent for guarding against malware, the Best,
actually, but as I have mentioned before, they are no good
at sorting out the email. It is like using a very sharp
thin bladed fish knife as a screwdriver.
Just open the McAfee Settings, and turn off Email / Spam
controls.
If you want good and competent spam control, use MailWasher.
It was better at Spam Control in the 90's than McAfee is now.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A man entered a stationery store and asked the clerk for a
birthday/anniversary card.
The clerk replied, "We have birthday cards and we have
anniversary cards. Why not take one of each?"
The man said, "You don't understand. I need a card that
covers *both* events! You see, we're celebrating the
thirteenth anniversary of my wife's thirty-fourth birthday."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Make Washcloth Mitten to Keep Shampoo Out of Eyes
My littlest granddaughter likes to have a washcloth for her
eyes when she showers during the hair washing time.
I took some washcloths, folded them in half, and stitched
two sides shut. She can now slide her hand and arm into
the mitten cloth and hold it better over her eyes.
By T and T Grandma from Benson, MN
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Joe sets up his friend Mike on a blind date with Sharon,
a lady-friend of his. But Mike is a little worried about going
out with someone he's never seen before. "What do I do if
she's really scary looking?" says Mike. "I'll be stuck with
her all night."
"Don't worry," Joe says, "just go up to her door and meet
her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes
as planned. If you don't just shout 'Aaaaaauuuggghhh!' and
fake an asthma attack."
So that night, Mike knocks at the girl's door and when she
comes out he is pleasantly surprised. He's about to speak
when the girl suddenly shouts: "Aaaaaauuuggghhh!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Nancy went into her local hardware store and bought two
instant barbeques - the ones with the pictures of succulent
foods on the lid. The next day, she returned one of these to
the customer service desk at the store complaining that
there was no food inside!
The assistant patiently told her that these were just
barbeque trays and that the food was not supplied with
them.
"Oh dear" said the lady. "I'd better take the other one out
of the freezer then"!
[ add comment ]
|
permalink |
( 2.9 / 52 )
Sunday, May 6, 2012, 05:58 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday,May 6
Yesterday morning I expected bright sunshine to wake me up.
It didn't. So I figured I had woken up too early and turned
over for an extra snooze.
Still dark and dingy.
So I put my glasses on and had a closer look.
There was a blizzard going on, and the neighbor's house was
stuckoed with snow!
Oh, well, I was not going to do any lawn mowing anyway.
Sure was tempting, though, to go back for another snooze!
Blizzards do that to me.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
1527 Spanish & German Imperial troops sack Rome; ending the Renaissance
1536 King Henry VIII, orders a bible be placed in every church
1642 Ville Marie (Montréal) forms
1733 1st international boxing match: Bob Whittaker beats Tito di Carni
1833 John Deere makes 1st steel plow
1851 Dr John Gorrie patents a "refrigeration machine"
1851 Linus Yale patents Yale-lock
1882 Chinese Exclusion Act: US Congress ceases Chinese immigration
1890 Mormon Church renounces polygamy
1906 "Temporary" permit to erect overhead wires on Market St San Fransisco
1919 Paris Peace Conference disposes of German colonies;
German East Africa is assigned to Britain & France,
German Southwest Africa to South Africa
1937 Dirigible Hindenburg torched at Lakehurst NJ (36 die)
1941 Joseph Stalin became premier of Russia
1950 Liz Taylor's 1st marriage (Conrad Hilton Jr)
1955 West Germany joins NATO
1959 Iceland gunboats shoot at British fishing ships
1968 Battle between students & troops in Paris France, 1000 injured
1968 Spain closes border to Gibraltar except to Spaniards
1978 South Africa military goes into Angola
1994 Chunnel linking England & France officially opens
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
"My son has a new nickname for me, 'Baldy.' I've got a new
word for him... 'heredity.'"
--- Dan Savage
On a visit to Boston, I noticed a parking meter with a paper
sack over it that said: "Broken." A skeptical parking officer
removed the bag, inserted a quarter in the meter and turned
the dial. It worked perfectly.
As the officer began to write a parking ticket, the car's
owner rushed out of a nearby building. "What are you doing?"
he yelled after a quick glance at the meter. "There's plenty
of time left!"
Need to cure Registry Problems?
With Windows 7 that is even more important.
Get RegCure
If You Love Something Variations
THE ORIGINAL VERSION:
If you love something,
Set it free...
If it comes back, it's yours,
If it doesn't, it never was yours....
THE PESSIMIST VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, well, as expected, she never was.
THE OPTIMIST VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
Don't worry, she will come back.
THE SUSPICIOUS VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, ask her why.
THE IMPATIENT VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't comes back within some time limit,
forget her.
THE PATIENT VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back, continue to wait
until she comes back ...
THE PLAYFUL VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she comes back, and if you love her still,
set her free again, repeat
THE LAWYER'S VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the second
amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom Act clearly states that...
THE BILL GATES VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she comes back,
I think we can charge her for re-installation fees
and tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.
THE STATISTICIAN'S VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she loves you, the probability of her coming back is high
If she doesn't, your relationship was improbable anyway.
THE POSSESSIVE VERSION:
If you love somebody
don't ever set her free.
THE MBA VERSION: If you love somebody
set her free...
instantaneously...
and look for others simultaneously.
THE PSYCHOLOGIST'S VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
If she comes back, her super ego is dominant
If she doesn't come, back her id is supreme
If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.
THE FINANCE EXPERT VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans.
If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.
THE MARKETING VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
If she comes back, she has brand loyalty
If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new markets.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Cedric Livingston, 31 in Lake Worth, Florida
Jailed After Shooting Neighbor's Roosters,
Because They Kept Waking Him Up
Cedric Livingston, a 31-year-old Florida man was jailed
after he allegedly killed his neighbor's roosters with a
hammer and gun.
According the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office, an
investigation was launched in mid-April after a Lake Worth
man complained that his neighbor had killed several roosters
on his property.
Investigators say Livingston first pounded on his neighbor's
door, complaining about the noise the roosters were making.
When the victim refused to answer the door, Livingston walked
into the back yard and beat the birds to death with a hammer
before slitting their throats.
Undaunted by the incident, the victim purchased two new
roosters and placed them in his back yard.
When Livingston was awaken by the new roosters again, he
allegedly grabbed a gun and fired 5 shots, killing them both.
Livingston was booked into the Palm Beach County Jail and
charged with possession of a weapon by a convicted felon,
discharging a firearm in public and two counts of animal cruelty.
Tech Support Pits:
From: Sandie
Re: Font sizes on web pages
Dear Webby,
I so agree about font colors on pages. If some moron picks
difficult to read font colors, then he or she is indeed a moron.
Unfortunately, now and then some timid soul feels, that the
web work needs to be delegated to the inbred runt of her
cousins brood, to keep the peace in the family.
The person supplying the text might be quite smart and her
text well worth reading, the problem is just the moron messing
with FrontPage.
When that happens, you can set the browser to use YOUR choice
of colors. In FireFox, click on Tools, Options, Colors,
take the bottom checkmark off and pick your own colors.
Unfortunately, those morons usually hide or have no valid
contact address for the owner. They probably know people
would complain about the crappy pages. However, sometimes
there is a usable address, and you can write to the owner.
Sandie
Dear Sandie
Very good point!
I would imagine, the owner might appreciate your letter,
so that she or he can use it to dump the incompetent
relative and get somebody a bit smarter to do the pages.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
The first-time father, beside himself with excitement over the
birth of his son, was determined to do everything right.
"So tell me, Nurse," he asked as his new family headed out the
hospital door, "what time should we wake the little guy in the
morning?"
The nurse, a mother of five kids, required a hernia transplant
after that.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Linseed Oil to Treat Garden Handles
Rub the handles of of pitchforks and shovels once in
awhile with a rag dipped in linseed oil. You'll find the
shafts both last longer and are much more pleasant
to use.
By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Marriage is like the army. Everybody complains,
but you'd be surprised at how many reenlist.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
On a recent flight I was on, this elderly woman kept peering
past me out the window. (I always pick window seats, so that
I can lean against the wall and snooze)
Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the
wing tip light.
Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.
"I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you
should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on
and has been for some time."
[ add comment ]
|
permalink |
( 2.9 / 50 )
Saturday, May 5, 2012, 07:18 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday,May 5
Thank you Nancy!
Had some decent spring weather. Walking to the post office
and back was a real pleasure.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
1382 Battle of Beverhoutsveld - population beats up drunken army
1430 Jews are expelled from Speyer Germany
1764 Smolny-institution forms in St Petersburg for noble girls
1809 Citizenship is denied to Jews of Canton of Aargau Switzerland
1842 City-wide fire burns for over 100 hours (Hamburg Germany)
1862 French army intervenes in Puebla México: Cinco de Mayo
1865 1st US train robbery (North Bend OH)
1881 Anit-Jewish rioting in Kiev Ukraine
1916 US marines invade Dominican Republic, stay until 1924
1920 Polish troops occupy Kiev
1944 Gandhi freed from prison
1948 1st air squadron of jets aboard a carrier
2000 conjunction of Sun, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn & Moon
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Abstract art is a product of the untalented,
sold by the unprincipled
to the utterly bewildered.
--- Al Capp
If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were
laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
--- Dorothy Parker
I got a message that there had been a call from "Josh" at
the bank regarding my account. So, I called my bank and
the operator asked me what Josh's last name was and
I explained that he hadn't left his last name.
When she asked for his department, I said that I didn't know.
"There are 1500 employees in this building, Sir!," she told
me rather sharply.
So I asked her for her name.
"Danielle," she said.
"And your last name?" I asked.
"Sorry," she replied, "we're not allowed to give last names."
"Well, in that case," I replied, "tell the Josh with no last name
and no department to send me an email."
And I hung up.
If you want to start a WordPress Blog on free hosting,
this course teaches you everything you need to know.
Wordpress Crash Course Videos
Learn Wordpress In Less Than One Day Instead Of Weeks!
Very High Quality Video Training At A Low Price
> From Brent
I was working in the sun all day, putting finishing touches
on the new deck outside my house. My sister pulled into the
driveway, greeted me, and looked over my work.
"Wow," she gushed, "you're an expert."
Feeling complimented and satisfied, but...trying not to seem
egotistical, I responded... "Once you get going, it's pretty
easy!"
She looked puzzled and wondering if I'd misunderstood her I
asked, "What did you just say?"
She replied, "I said, your neck is burned!"
A Preacher was doing his "Children's Church" sermon where all the
youngsters come down front and hear a story. The pastor was discussing
the story of Jonah. He quoted the scriptures from Jonah, "...and the
Lord spoke to the fish, and it vomited out Jonah upon the dry land."
When the Pastor finished the scripture quotation, he started trying to
solicit input from the youngsters to help him complete his mini-sermon.
He asked thoughtfully, "What does the fish vomiting Jonah out on dry
land indicate to us today.
One of the youngsters spoke with great enthusiasm for the entire
congregation to hear, "It proves, even a fish can't stomach a bad
preacher!"
Click on the picture for the large version
I think that is a Heron
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Suresh A. Chapman, of Gainesville, Florida
Charged With Felony Beverage Abuse
Upset that his order wasn't prepared correctly, a 30-year-old
man is accused of throwing his soda on a cash register at a
Taco Bell in Gainesville on Sunday night, shutting down the
restaurant's computer network for several hours.
Suresh A. Chapman, of Gainesville, was charged with damaging
a computer resulting in a loss of $5,000 or more, a second-
degree felony.
Police said he threw his soft drink at the register and credit
card machine at the Taco Bell at 3408 Archer Road at about
8 p.m., causing an estimated $2,500 worth of damage.
The damage to the computer network meant the store lost
about $3,000 in revenue, according to a Gainesville Police
Department report.
GPD spokeswoman Cpl. Angelina Valuri said Officer Sean
Borges was right to charge Chapman with the second-
degree felony, which can carry a 15-year prison sentence.
“That was the appropriate charge, based on the damage
that was done to the business,” Valuri said. “That's not
a way to handle your problems if you're upset with your
order.”
Because of the arrest, Chapman also was charged with
violating his probation on a 2011 child abuse case,
according to the arrest report.
Tech Support Pits:
From: Olaf
Re: Hard to read font colors
Dear Webby,
Some people use very difficult to read font colors, like
for example silver on white, or dark blue on black. Is
there a way to make that easier to read ?
Thanks
Olaf
Dear Olaf
Why ?
Have you ever found anything worth reading on a site whose
writer was afflicted with that type of insanity ?
I haven't, and I don't waste my time on that kind of site.
There are plenty of sites with good content presented in
easy to read color combinations.
However, if you think you HAVE to read a site like that,
hit
CTRL A
to select and highlight All.
That makes it appear as if the writer had a positive IQ number.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
There's a church-sponsored basketball league in the Atlanta area
that makes awards to players at the end of every game. Young
players will get awards for best defense, best offense, best
sportsmanship, and an award for being the most "Christlike."
I asked a mother how a player would qualify for that award. "It's
easy," she said. "If the crowd moans 'Oh, Jesus!' every time one
particular player gets the ball, he gets the award."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Organizing Curling Irons
With teen girls in the house, it is a pain to keep curling
irons, hair dryers, and flat irons tidy. I had an extra
clean wastebasket (the small kind) and had an idea.
It fits under my sink and I stand all of the above
appliances inside. What a help! :)
By Carol from Landisville, PA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Billy-Bob and Bubba were driving a semi down a road when
they came to an overpass. The sign said 10 feet zero inches,
so they got out to measure their truck. Unfortunately, the truck
was just over 11 feet high. They didn't know what to do, when
finally Bubba looked in both directions and said,
"I don't see any cops, let's go for it.!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Thanks to Dianne for this classic:
, traveling a country road in England, tired
and hungry, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading:
"George and the Dragon."
knocked.
The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window.
"Could ye spare some food?", asked.
The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor
condition. "No!" she said rather sternly.
"Could I have a pint of ale?"
"No!" she said again.
"Could I at least sleep in your stable?"
"No!" By this time she was shouting.
asked, "Might I please...?"
"What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently.
"D'ye suppose," asked,
"I might have a word with George?"
[ add comment ]
|
permalink |
( 2.9 / 57 )
Ink and toner discount coupon
Friday, May 4, 2012, 05:21 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday,May 4
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
If you tried ordering ink or toner from http://www.atlanticinkjet.com/
yesterday morning, you may have been too early to use the
20% discount coupon. Try again now. It was set up mid-day
yesterday.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
1471 Battle of Tewkesbury - King Edward IV vs Ex-queen Margaretha
1493 Spanish Pope Alexander VI divides non-Christian world between Spain & Portugal
1494 Christopher Columbus lands in Jamaica
1626 Indians sell Manhattan Island for $24 in cloth & buttons
1715 French manufacturer debuts 1st folding umbrella
1776 Rhode Island declares independence from England
1783 Herschel reports seeing a red glow near lunar crater Aristarchu
1910 Tel Aviv founded
1916 At request of US, Germany curtails its submarine warfare
1917 Arabs sack Tel Aviv
1923 Bloody street battles between Nazis, socialist & police in Vienna
1923 New York state revokes Prohibition law
1932 Al Capone, convict of income tax evasion, enters Atlanta Penitentiary
1945 German troops in Netherlands, Denmark & Norway surrender
1961 Malcolm Ross & Victor Prather reach 34,668 meters (113,739') in balloon
1966 Soviet Government signs accord about building Fiat factory in USSR
1970 National Guard kills 4 at Kent State in Ohio
1972 Vietcong forms revolutionary government in Quang Tri South Vietnam
1984 Dave Kingman's fly ball never comes down (stuck in Metrodome ceiling)
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
"There is small disproportion betwixt a fool who useth not
wit because he hath it not
and him that useth it not when it should avail him."
--- Elizabeth I
"If California can't solve the energy crisis, it will spread
to the rest of the nation, and the economy will collapse,
and we will become a primitive society where we all run
around naked with spears and refuse to attend meetings.
Wouldn't that be GREAT?"
--- Dave Barry
My friends and I had joined a weight-loss organization. At
one meeting the instructor held up an apple and a candy bar.
"What are the attributes of this apple," she asked,
"and how do they relate to our diet?"
"Low in calories" and "lots of fiber" were among the answers.
She then detailed what was wrong with eating candy, and
concluded, "Apples are not only more healthful but also
less expensive. Do you know I paid 75 cents for this candy
bar?"
We stared as she held aloft the forbidden treat.
From the back of the room a small voice spoke up, "I'll give
you a dollar for it."
If you want to start a WordPress Blog on free hosting,
this course teaches you everything you need to know.
Wordpress Crash Course Videos
Learn Wordpress In Less Than One Day Instead Of Weeks!
Very High Quality Video Training At A Low Price
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down
to drink a beer.
After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said,
"Who owns the big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said,
"I do, ... Why?"
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said,
"I just thought you would like to know that your horse is
about dead outside!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside, and sure enough,
Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion.
The Lone Ranger got the horse water, and soon, Silver was s
tarting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto
and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you
can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."
Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe," and took off running circles
around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone
Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.
A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and
asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's
wrong with him this time?"
The cowboy looks him in the eye and says,
"Nothing, but you left your Injun runnin'."
A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your
relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better
than I like mine."
WIFE: The 2 things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie.
HUSBAND: Which is this?
NEWLYWED: Do you want dinner?
SPOUSE: Sure, what are my choices?
NEWLYWED: Yes and no.
That reminds me,....
If you want all the basic cooking information in one spot,
try Public Radio Org's Boiling Water 101
Click on the picture for the large version
Ready for spring!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Kristi Diane Clark
Lumpy Bra
SARASOTA COUNTY - A sheriff's deputy who stopped a speeding
driver also halted a marijuana deal, the Sheriff's Office says.
At 1:20 a.m. today, a deputy stopped a driver going 63 mph
in a 45 mph zone at East Laurel Road and the North Tamiami
Trail. He reported that the driver and passenger appeared
nervous and that he smelled smoked marijuana.
The driver reportedly removed a .22-caliber handgun and
three bags of cannabis from her bra. A search of the car
revealed more bags of marijuana.
The woman and her passenger were expected to meet two
customers on South Casey Key Road, who had admitted to
deputies they intended to buy $200 worth of marijuana.
Deputies arrested driver Kristi Dane Clark, 23, of Lakeland,
on charges that include carrying a concealed weapon,
possession with intent to sell cannabis and possession of a
firearm in the commission of a crime.
They arrested her passenger — Michael James McCoy Jr.,
22, of Lakeland — on a charge of possession with intent to
sell cannabis.
Tech Support Pits:
From: Ann
Re: Coupon code
Dear Webby
the coupon does not work yet.
Ann
Dear Ann
I checked with atlanticinkjet.com.
Seems you were faster than them.
Try it now.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
>From Brenda
After a long, bumpy flight, our passengers were glad to
finally land. They disembarked, and the other attendants
and I checked for items left behind.
In a seat pocket, I found a bag of home-made cookies
with a note saying, "Much love, Mom."
Quickly, I gave the bag to our gate agent in hopes it would
be reunited with its owner.
A few minutes later, an announcement came over the
public-address system in the concourse: "Would the
passenger who lost his cookies on Flight 502, please
return to the gate?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Fixing Loose Screws in Wood
If a screw keeps turning in something that is wooden,
simply remove the screw, put a toothpick in the hole,
break it off at the top of the hole, insert the toothpick
part and replace the screw.
By stanwitham from Oregon City, OR
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
>From Bill
A perfect spring day is when the sun is shining,
the breeze is blowing,
the birds are singing,
and the lawn mower is broken.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
> From Ann
I accompanied my husband to get a haircut. While flipping
through a magazine I found a hairstyle that would look
good on me. I asked the receptionist if I could take the
magazine next door to make a copy of the haristyle photo.
"Well, okay," she replied, "but leave some ID--a driver's
license or credit card."
"But my husband is here getting his hair cut," I explained.
"Yeah... but we need something you'll come back for."
[ add comment ]
|
permalink |
( 2.9 / 61 )
Printer and refill recommendation
Thursday, May 3, 2012, 06:15 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, May 3
Shelley asked about a printer recommendation,
just black and nothing fancy, but low cost.
Finding a good deal for her was easy, for that I usually go
to the small or medium business section at DELL.
I found a fast, 20 page per minute laser printer for $78.
That is a fantastic deal!
It turns out, that is an introductory price, like my 1320c
was five years ago. I sure am glad I jumped at that!
Because it is an introduction, toner refills are not listed
yet at Atlantic Inkjet. No problem. I contacted Dimitris,
the big boss there, and an hour later had the price and
order number for the toner refill kit.
The price Dimitris offered is going to knock some socks off!
Less than a penny per page! If you are used to 16 cents per
page ink from Walmart or Staples, that looks irresistible!
Details are down in the Tech Support Pit section.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
1455 Jews flee Spain
1494 Jamaica discovered by Christopher Columbus; he names it "St Iago"
1515 Persian Gulf: Portugese fleet occupies Ormuz
1830 1st regular steam train passenger service starts
1846 Mexican army surrounds fort in Texas
1851 Most of San Fransisco destroyed by fire; 30 die
1855 Antwerp-Rotterdam railway opens
1861 Lincoln asks for 42,000 Army Volunteers & another 18,000 seamen
1901 Fire destroyed 1,700 buildings in Jacksonville FL
1906 British-controlled Egypt takes Sinai peninsula from Turkey
1921 West Virginia imposes 1st state sales tax
1926 British general strike-3 million workers support miners
1945 Allies kidnap German nuclear physicist Werner Heisenberg
1945 German ship "Cap Arcona" sinks in East Sea, 5,800 killed
1952 1st landing by an airplane at geographic North Pole
1965 1st use of satellite TV, Today Show on the Early Bird Satellite
1994 US space probe Clementine launched
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
--- Socratex
Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to
recognize a mistake when you make it again.
--- Franklin P. Jones
The real problem is not whether machines think
but whether men do.
--- B. F. Skinner
A man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his
front door onto the porch. Someone called 911.
When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain
consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.
"It was enough to make anybody faint," he said.
"My son asked me for the keys to the garage,
and instead of driving the car out, he came out
with the lawn mower."
If you want to start a WordPress Blog on free hosting,
this course teaches you everything you need to know.
Wordpress Crash Course Videos
Learn Wordpress In Less Than One Day Instead Of Weeks!
Very High Quality Video Training At A Low Price
"I understand, Doctor, that many husbands snore,"
said the young wife, "but you've got to help me stop mine.
He's a ventriloquist and snores on both sides of me at
the same time!"
Lorne McGinty was looking for a gift for a friend of his.
Everything he saw in the store was too expensive. Then he
came across a glass vase that had been broken, which could
be purchased for next to nothing.
The tightwad asked the store clerk to send the gift, hoping
his friend would think that the vase had been broken during
transit.
A couple of weeks later, he received an acknowledgment for
the gift.
"Thanks for the vase," read the card.
"It was so thoughtful of you to wrap each piece separately."
Thanks to Dad for this one:
Click on the picture for the large version
"This one bloomed today."
Imagine sitting in your breakfast nook, with the rising sun
on your back, and a few minutes later, as you are peacefully
buttering your bread, this Phylocactus opens up in front of
you, with an 8 inch wide blossom!
And the smell as it opens!
The secret to get them to bloom like that year after year,
is dedicated neglect, a large pot with lots of room for the
roots, a bit of water from the bottom three - four times
a year and a very brief misting or dew once a month,
And the same as with any cactus: LOTS of wind!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Analise Garner, 19, in Lake In The Hills, Ill.
Drunk bonehead bit mother and dog
Analise Garner, a 19-year-old Illinois female was jailed Sunday
after she attacked her mother and then repeatedly bit the
family bull dog.
According to police, officers were dispatched after neighbors
reported hearing loud screaming and pounding coming from
a residence Garner shares with her mother.
Investigators say Garner had returned home early Sunday
morning from a weekend of drinking when she allegedly got
into an argument with her mother.
Garner allegedly scratched her 37-year-old mother and
bit her on the hand.
Garner then allegedly went after the family's bull dog.
Investigators found three distinct bite marks on the dog's back.
"The bulldog eventually did bite (Garner) back in self-defense,"
stated Police Sgt. Mike Smith. "There were no charges against
the 4-legged dog."
Garner was booked into the McHenry County Jail and charged
with animal cruelty, domestic battery and underage drinking.
Tech Support Pits:
From: Shelley
Re: Need a printer recommendation
Hey webby
I love your newsletter, thanks for the smiles! Quick question
from a broke student, I need a reliable printer that doesn't
have to be fast, noiseless, fancy, or tiny but that I can
read reasonably well for school and doesn't cost an arm
and a leg to print on. I don't even mind if it is just black
and white. The ones you get now are either disposable
and break as soon as the receipt is dry and/or the ink
costs more than the printer did.
Thank you for your wisdom!
Shelley
Dear Shelley
Forget the free and cheap printers. They are just traps to
get you locked into having to buy expensive ink.
Sorry for not answering faster. I was haggling out a better
deal for you.
You can get a DELL 1130 black Laser Printer for $79,
and be quite safe in expecting it to last longer than your
stay at college and university, even though all your friends
will come over to print their stuff.
I use it's color version, the DELL 1320c for the 5th year now,
and it still prints like it did when it was new.
You can get Toner refill kits for the DELL 1130 from
Atlantic Inket. com
It is not listed on their site yet, but they will show it by
the time you need a refill.
Here is the order number and price, in case you need a
refill sooner:
195-478-01: Dell 1130,
1133 MFP, 1135 (2MMJP / 330-9523) refill with chip (2500 yield)
$27.99
In addition to that fantastic price, if you use coupon code
webby , you will get another 20% discount.
Calculate that out! $27.99 - 20% = $22.392
$22.392 / 2500 = 0.0089568
That works out to 0.896 CENTS! Not dollars, CENTS!
Less than a penny per page!
And your friends, who have ink on their fingers,
pay 10 - 16 cents per page!
With a Laser printer, all of your acquaintances with
overpriced inkjets, that need expensive 16 cents per page
ink, will become VERY friendly very suddenly. If you charge
them 2 cents per page, they still get an excellent deal,
and your own printing is more than paid for.
Go for that DELL 1130 while it is on sale at $79 in the
Small and Medium Business section,
and print out this letter, so that you have the order number
and the coupon code, when you need it.
In case you were wondering, YES, all subscribers can use the
coupon code webby , and get a 20% discount
off the already low catalog price at Atlantic Inket. com.
It works on any ink or toner.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A big, burly man visited his pastor's home and asked to see
the minister's wife, a woman well known for her charitable
impulses.
"Madam," he said in a broken voice, "I wish to draw your
attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this
district. The father of the family is dead, the mother is
too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They
are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless
someone pays their rent, which amounts to $800."
"How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher's wife. "May I ask
who you are?"
The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his
eyes. "I'm Jacob Schwartz, the landlord," he sobbed.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Socks for Dusting
Use the lonely lost sock from the dryer as a duster. I turn
it inside out and spray furniture polish on it that swipe
it were ever there is a hint of dust and voila!, the dust
is on the sock. Tube socks with the terry cloth on the
inside work the best. When done just wash and dry it
and wonder where that extra sock came from.
Like I do.
By Rhondakitley from Warren, MN
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A Harvard School of Public Health survey found that people
report more noise and other disruptions in binge-drinking
college neighborhoods than in other neighborhoods.
And a $4 million study by University of Buffalo Research
Institute on Addictions revealed that employees are much
more likely to call in sick if they have drunk alcohol the night
before.
No kidding ?
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said,
"I'm so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe daddy will do
the trick he has been promising us."
The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that my dear,"
she asked.
The little boy replied, "I heard daddy tell mommy that he
would climb the walls if you came to visit us again."
[ add comment ]
|
permalink |
( 3 / 68 )
Cutting home-made business cards
Wednesday, May 2, 2012, 06:11 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, May 2
From John
That is an interesting picture of the church where you grew
up, but it would be even more interesting if you told us
where it is.
John
It is in Rankweil, VB, Austria
Here it is at night, from a different angle:
Rankweil is in the Western part of Austria, about 30 km (20 miles)
South of Lake Constance, 10 km (8 miles) east of Switzerland
and about the same distance northeast of Liechtenstein.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
1497 John Cabot departs to North-America
1670 King Charles II charters Hudson Bay Company
1776 France & Spain agree to donate arms to American rebels
1833 Czar Nicolas bans public sale of serfs
1865 President Johnson offers $100,000 reward for capture of Jefferson Davis
1887 Hannibal W Goodwin patents celluloid photographic film
1890 Territory of Oklahoma created
1902 The 1st science fiction film, "A Trip To The Moon", is released
1933 In Germany, Adolf Hitler bans trade unions
1934 Nazi-Germany begins People's court
1941 Nazi occupied Netherlands lay off Jewish journalists
1942 Japanese troops occupy Mandalay Burma
1945 German Army in Italy surrenders
1945 Russia takes Berlin; General Weidling surrenders
1956 US Lab detects high-temperature microwave radiation from Venus
1968 Israeli television begins transmitting
1992 Yugoslav Army seize Bosnian President Alija Izetbegovic
1995 Serb missiles exploded in the heart of Zagreb, killing six
1997 Republic of Texas security chief Robert Scheidt surrenders
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
'The man who will not act until he knows all will never act at all.'
--- Jim Elliot
Abstract art is a product of the untalented,
sold by the unprincipled
to the utterly bewildered.
--- Al Capp
Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French
And
It's all organized by the Swiss.
Hell is Where:
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss
And
It's all organized by the Italians.
>From Rose:
I was listening to a lady who called a radio pastor. The pastor was a
wise, grandfatherly gentleman who had that calm reassuring
voice that can melt all fear.
The lady, who was obviously crying, said, "Pastor, I was
born blind, and I've been blind all my life. I don't mind so
much being blind but I have some well meaning friends who
tell me that if I had more faith I could be healed."
The pastor asked her, "Tell me, do you carry one of those
white canes?"
"Yes I do," she replied.
"Then the next time someone says that, hit them over the
head with the cane," he said. "Then tell them 'If you
had more faith that wouldn't hurt' "!
A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date,
but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her
eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into
the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement,
she readily consented.
He said, "Why have you been avoiding me all this time?
You wouldn't even make eye contact."
"Oh," said the waitress, "I thought you wanted more coffee!"
Thanks to Dad for this one:
Click on the picture for the large version
"This one bloomed today."
Somewhere behind those blossoms is the cactus,
that produced them.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Garrett Bryant, 19, in Lawrenceburg, Kentucky
Pot bought online goes to wrong address
LAWRENCEBURG, Ky., April 27 (UPI) -- A Kentucky teenager who
allegedly scored a pot deal over the Internet was arrested
after the package arrived at the wrong house, police said.
Garrett Bryant, 19, admitted arranging to buy a pound of
marijuana from a California person he met playing Xbox
Live online, WLKY-TV, Louisville, Ky., reported.
Bryant had the contraband sent to him under the false name
of David Smith but it was sent to the wrong address.
Lawrenceburg police officer Josh Satterly said the resident
opened the package without looking at the intended address
and after discovering the marijuana, called police who called
the postmaster who sent out a postal inspector.
"There was a name on the package of David Smith. Garrett
Bryant accepted the package from the postal inspector.
When he accepted the package and advised his name was
David Smith, we executed a search warrant on the residence
and that's when we recovered the pound of marijuana,"
Satterly said.
Bryant admitted to police he had paid $2,300 for the marijuana
and was hoping to sell it to "help his mother pay bills".
How mama's boy got the $2,300 was not mentioned. He probably
plans to sue the Post Office for ruining a $23,000 business
opportunity and getting a poor innocent boy like him in trouble.
Tech Support Pits:
From: Sherry
Re: Cutting business cards
Dear Webby,
What is the best way to cut business cards when one
does not want to buy the outrageously high priced
perforated ones?
Sherry
Dear Sherry
Gate type cutters, like you probably remember from school,
are cheap, especially at garage sales. but it's not easy to
be accurate with them, unless you bolt them down and
clamp a solid stop block in front of them.
Some of them have pull-out stops that look neat, but they
tend to move, and by the time you realize that they have moved,
you have ruined a lot of good paper.
Bolt the cutter table down onto a shelf, so that the gate is
ACROSS the shelf, not parallel with the shelf.
That way, instead of the cut-offs sailing across the room,
will neatly fall onto the shelf. And you can use a cheap
"C" clamp to fix a stop in front of it.
Rolling wheel cutters are more expensive, but their prices
have come down quite nicely. They produce the cleanest cut,
but unfortunately are still so new, that you probably will
not find them at garage sales and will have to buy them new.
Here is a Carl 12" trimmer for $10
If I didn't have an old 18" gate cutter screwed down on a shelf,
I would probably be lusting after that one.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Before marriage, a woman will lie awake all night thinking
about something a man said.
After marriage, he will fall asleep
before she finished talking.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Create Computer Troubleshooting Binder
I love my computer but must admit that I'm not savvy on it
at all. I am forever coming across a problem that I don't
know how to fix and having to call HP, AOL or somebody to
help me. I found I was calling lots of times over and over for
the same problems. Finally I came up with an idea and it's
saved me countless phone calls.
Now when I have a problem and have to call, while I'm on
the phone I take detailed notes. Then when I'm done I immediately
write up the problem and everything that was done to fix the
problem on the computer (or hand write it, either way).
I keep a notebook binder on the desk now with lots of page
protectors in it. Into each page protector goes the problem
and fix. Then I stick a tab on the edge with a short "label" of
what the problem was.
This has saved me a lot of headaches and a lot of time.
It's so much faster and easier than trying to call these
companies!
By Cricketnc from Parkton, NC
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Saba was telling the little ones of how it was when he was
a young boy in Brooklyn, in Manhattan's immigrant ghetto.
"When I was a kid," he said, "we didn't even have a radio.
So our dad bored a hole through the wall into the neighbor's
living room to hear all the great boxing fights.
After a year we discovered,
that they didn't have a radio either."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
>From Tina
When my husband, Mark, took his beat-up pickup truck to our
insurance agent for a pre-insurance inspection, the teen-age
receptionist was sent to look over the truck. Armed with a
checklist and a few simple questions, she breezed through
the chore. When she asked, "What are the age and make of the
vehicle?"
Mark replied, "It's a '65 Ford." Apologetic about its des-
perate condition, he added, "It's an old fossil." Inside,
the office assistant entered the data into her computer and
frowned. "Is there a problem?" asked Mark.
"Mr. Evans, no matter what I try," she explained,
"but the computer can't find a Ford Fossil."
[ add comment ]
|
permalink |
( 3 / 79 )
Dealing with telemarketers
Tuesday, May 1, 2012, 07:22 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, May 1
That is the church in the village, where I grew up.
Every year on May 1 there was a pilgrimage to that church,
because miracles happened.
People came from all over Europe and the pilgrimage
culminated with a candle / torch march in the evening
around the rock, on which the church sits and then up to
the church. The ring road is exactly one Kilometer long,
and during the day, there was a 25 lap junior and 100
lap grown-ups bicycle race around the rock.
They hung big speakers along the whole circuit, and people
were watching the race 4 - 5 deep on both sides of the road.
Local and provincial businesses used to pledge pretty hefty
prizes for winning the lap with their house number or the next
lap or the next tenner, and some of the racers made prretty
good money.
Somehow, the lag in the sound from the next speakers
created a neat echo, that somehow made the race more special.
In the evening, when the pilgrims, plus local and nearby clubs,
carried their candles or torches on the same circuit plus up to
the church and back down again. the same speakers were used
for prayers and hymns. Praying or singing along with thousands
of people was quite neat too.
A few years after I left both the bicycle race and the
pilgrimage with candle finish fizzled out. Apparently there
was nobody left, who was competent enough to organize it.
I still have fond memories of those annual events, though.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
1006 Supernova observed by Chinese & Egyptians in constellation Lupus
1544 Turkish troops occupy Hunga
1625 Portuguese & Spanish expedition recaptures Salvador
1703 Battle at Rultusk: Swedish army beats Russians
1704 Boston Newsletter publishes 1st newspaper ad
1707 England, Wales & Scotland form UK of Great Britain
1757 Austria & France divide Prussia
1840 1st adhesive postage stamps ("Penny Blacks" from England) issued
1841 1st emigrant wagon train leaves Independence MO for California
1844 Samuel Morse sends 1st telegraphic message
1857 William Walker, conqueror of Nicaragua, surrenders to US Navy
1873 1st US postal card issued
1886 US general strike for 8 hour day, begins
1889 1st International Workers Day, according to the 2nd International
1889 Bayer introduces aspirin in powder form (Germany)
1926 British coal-miners go on strike
1931 Empire State Building opens in New York NY
1935 Hoover Dam completed
1935 Canada's 1st silver dollar is circulated
1939 Batman Comics hit the street
1943 Food rationing begins in US
1944 Messerschmitt Me-262 Sturmvogel, first operational jet aircraft
(twin-jet fighter), makes 1st flight
1945 Admiral Karl Doenitz forms German government (post Hitler)
1945 Soviet army reach Rostock
1947 Radar for commercial & private planes 1st demonstrated
1948 North Korea proclaims itself People's Democratic Republic of Korea
1950 Mayor of Brussels bans May Day parade
1951 600,000 march for peace & freedom in Germany
1959 West Germany introduces 5 day work week
1960 Russia shoots down Francis Gary Powers' U-2 spy plane over Sverdlovsk
1961 1st US airplane hijacked to Cuba
1961 Fidel Castro announces there will be no more elections in Cuba
1962 JFK authorizes Area Redevelopment Act (ARA)
1965 USSR launches Luna 5; later impacts on Moon
1966 US troops shooting targets in Cambodia
1978 1st black mayor of New Orleans (Ernest Morial) inaugurated
1981 Radio Shack releases Model III TRSDOS 1.3
1986 Tass reports Chernobyl nuclear power plant mishap
1992 Rickey Henderson steals his 1,000th base
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
"The time for action is now. It's never too late to do something."
--- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
>From Jean:
We had spent the day moving from our farmhouse into a new
apartment house in town. Very early the next morning, our
3 1/2 -year-old ran into our bedroom to wake us up. I dressed
him and told him to play in the yard and to quit bothering us.
About 20 minutes later, he came running back. "Mommy,
Mommy," he exclaimed, "Everybody has doorbells - and they
all work!"
A couple was arranging for their wedding, and asked the bakery
to inscribe the wedding cake with "1 John 4:18" which reads
"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear."
The bakery evidently lost, smudged or otherwise misread
the noted reference, and beautifully inscribed on the cake
"John 4:18":
"For you have had five husbands, and the man you have now
is not your husband."
When you're hospitalized, it pays to be nice to your nurse,
even when you're feeling miserable. A bossy businessman
learned this the hard way after ordering his nurses around
as if they were his employees. But the head nurse stood
up to him. One morning she entered his room and
announced, "I have to take your temperature."
After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled
down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
"No, I'm sorry," the nurse stated," but for this reading, I
can't use an oral thermometer."
This started another round of complaining, but eventually
he rolled over and bared his bottom. After feeling the
nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce,
"I have to get something. Now you stay just like that
until I get back!"
She left the door to his room open on her way out, and
he cursed under his breath as he heard people walking
past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's
doctor came into the room.
"What's going on here?" asked the doctor.
Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc?
Haven't you ever seen someone having their
temperature taken?"
"Yes," said the doctor. "But never with a carnation."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Anita R. Joost, 46 in Elgin, Illinois
Thanks to Walter, THE Stonecarver, for alerting me to this:
Elgin mom encouraged daughter to attack teen rival
An Elgin mother is due in Kane County court May 9, accused
of encouraging her 15-year-old daughter to beat up another
teenager while recording the altercation with her cell phone,
according to police.
Anita R. Joost, 46, was charged Wednesday with aggravated
battery and contributing to the delinquency of a minor in the
April 2 incident at a local park. She is free from jail after
posting 10 percent of a $50,000 bond, but declined to
comment Friday morning.
Police said Joost was in the car about 6 p.m. April 2
with her 14-year-old son and 15-year-old daughter, along
with two of her daughter’s friends. Joost’s daughter told her
she got a call from another 15-year-old girl, and she wanted
to meet the girl to attack her at Shadow Hill Park, which is
located on the corner of Comstock Drive and Ballad Road,
according to a police report.
Joost allegedly dropped the girls off at the park and stayed
in her car to watch the fight, police said.
Police say the incident happened on April 2. Joost was in a
car with her daughter, two of the girl's friends and Joost's
14-year-old son when the daughter got a call from a friend.
The caller told the girl a 15-year-old girl she had been
feuding with wanted to meet at a park and talk things out,
police said.
The girl told her mother she wanted to go to the park, but to
fight the girl, not talk, police said. The mother drove to
Shallow Hill Park at 340 Cassidy Lane and dropped the
girl off along with her friends, police said.
Joost then drove around the park and pulled up to her
daughter and friends as they spoke with the 15-year-old
girl and her friends, police said. The 15-year-old told the
daughter she wanted to talk about their problems and
began walking away, police said.
But Joost told her daughter to "kick her ass," and then
screamed the same thing out the window, according to
the police report. After Joost's taunting, her daughter
tried to get the other girl to fight but the girl tried to
"defuse" the situation, police said.
Joost then called one of her daughter's friends on her
cell phone and told her, "Enough's enough, either kick
her ass or let's go home."
Joost's daughter started beating the girl as a friend
recorded the fight, police said.
After the fight, Joost drove her daughter to a nearby house
and encouraged her to begin another fight with the same
girl, police said. The owners of the home came outside and
ordered the Joosts to leave, police said.
Authorities say they pursued charges after becoming aware
of the recording. Joost's daughter was charged as a juvenile
with aggravated battery in the public way and was detained
at the Kane County Youth Home.
Police have received a number of videos of the incident
and plan to use them in court.
Tech Support Pits:
From: Danielle
Re: Telemarketers
Dear Webby,
I have been told not to be rude to telemarketers, just in
case they are potential clients. I know you have a
dangerously wicked sense of humor and have had some
good tips about that in the past, but unfortunately I did
not save them. What do you recommend?
Danielle
Dear Danielle
Just tell the telemarketer that they should be talking to
Farley Marblemouth and to hold on. Then, before they
can reply to that, put them on hold.
Eventually you'll hear the beeping that indicates a dead
line.
An alternative is to tell them that you, or whoever they
want to talk to are too busy and that they should send an
email. They never do, but if you suspect that they might,
you can always give them a bogus addres like
farley.marblemouth.III@aol.com
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about a
zillion years by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is
semi-affectionately known as "Bonkistry." He has been
around forever, so I wouldn't put it past him to come up
with something like this.
Anyway, one year there were these two guys who were
taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the
quizzes and the midterms and labs, etc., such that going
into the final they had a solid A.
These two friends were so confident going into the final
that the weekend before finals week (even though the
Chem final was on Monday), they decided to go up to
University of Virginia and party with some friends up there.
So they did this and had a great time. However, with their
hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday
and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday
morning.
Rather than taking the final then, what they did was to find
Professor Bonk after the final and explain to him why they
missed the final. They told him that they went up to University
of Virginia for the weekend, and had planned to come back
in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back
and didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long
time and so were late getting back to campus.
Bonk thought this over and then agreed that they could
make up the final on the following day. The two guys
were elated and relieved.
So, they studied that night and went in the next day at
the time that Bonk had told them. He placed them in
separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet
and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem, which was something
simple about polarity and solutions and was worth 5 points.
"Cool" they thought, "this is going to be easy."
They did that problem and then turned the page. They were
unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page.
It said:
(95 points) Which tire?
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Create Computer Troubleshooting Binder
I love my computer but must admit that I'm not savvy on it
at all. I am forever coming across a problem that I don't
know how to fix and having to call HP, AOL or somebody to
help me. I found I was calling lots of times over and over for
the same problems. Finally I came up with an idea and it's
saved me countless phone calls.
Now when I have a problem and have to call, while I'm on
the phone I take detailed notes. Then when I'm done I immediately
write up the problem and everything that was done to fix the
problem on the computer (or hand write it, either way).
I keep a notebook binder on the desk now with lots of page
protectors in it. Into each page protector goes the problem
and fix. Then I stick a tab on the edge with a short "label" of
what the problem was.
This has saved me a lot of headaches and a lot of time.
It's so much faster and easier than trying to call these
companies!
By Cricketnc from Parkton, NC
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A Hunter walking through the jungle found a huge dead
elephant with a pigmy standing beside it.
Amazed, he asked: "Did you kill that?"
The pigmy said, "Yes."
The hunter asked, "How could a little bloke like you kill a
huge beast like that?"
"With my club."
The astonished hunter asked, "How big is your club?"
The pigmy replied, "There's about 60 of us."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A man was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his
chickens fenced in. The neighbor kept talking about chickens
being great creatures, and as such they had the right to go
where they wanted.
The man was having no luck keeping the chickens out of his
flower beds, and he had tried everything.
Two weeks later, on a visit a friend noticed his flower beds
were doing great. The flowers were beginning to bloom.
So the friend asked him how he managed to keep the chickens
away. "How did you make your neighbor keep his hens in his
own yard?"
"One night I hid a dozen eggs under a bush by my flower bed,
and the next day I let my neighbor see me gather them.
He built a fence that same morningand I wasn't bothered
after that."
[ add comment ]
|
permalink |
( 2.9 / 91 )
Change my subscriber name
Monday, April 30, 2012, 06:28 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, April 30
My daffodils are holding out until warmer May weather.
I expected them to bloom weeks ago, but no luck yet.
On the other hand, the dandylions are holding back too and
the lawns are just starting to get a greenish hue of brown.
Yeah, I know, in Alabama they have already sold and shipped
the first harvest of hay. Somebody here was joking that
Gullible Warming happens only in states, where people
believe in it.
Well, I believe I still have a couple of weeks to get my
lawnmower cleaned up and tuned up.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
0311 Emperor Galerius recognizes Christians legally in the Roman Empire
1006 Brightest supernova in recorded history is observed
1349 Jewish community at Radolszell Germany, exterminated
1396 Crusaders & Earl of Nevers depart from Dijon
1492 Columbus is given royal commission to equip his fleet
1562 1st French colonists in US Jean Ribaut & Hugenots at Parris Island NC
1563 Jews are expelled from France by order of Charles VI
1789 George Washington inaugurated as 1st President of US
1803 US doubles in size through the Louisiana Purchase ($15 million)
1860 Navaho Indians attack Fort Defiance
1861 President Abraham Lincoln ordered Federal Troops to evacuate Indian Territory
1871 Apaches in Arizona surrender to white & Mexican adventurers;
1885 Boston Pops Orchestra forms
1898 Championship wrestling match at the Metropolitan turns into a brawl
1900 USA annexes Hawaii
1904 Ice cream cone makes its debut
1911 Portugal approves woman suffrage
1941 Spread of Judaism begins in Croatia
1945 Lord Haw-Haw calls for crusade against the bolsheviks
1952 Mr Potato Head is 1st toy advertised on television
1955 West German unions protest for 40-hour work week & more wages
1961 Premier Fidel Castro of Cuba receives Lenin-Peace Prize
1967 Highest tower in the world finished, 537 meters (1762 feet) USSR
1970 US troops invade Cambodia
1975 Last US helicopter leaves US embassy grounds in Vietnam, Saigon surrenders
1980 Terrorists seize Iranian Embassy in London
1982 Iranian offensive in Khusistan
1991 In Bangladesh a cyclone kills over 131,000 & leaves 9 million homeless
1994 Soccer great Pele (53) weds psychologist Assiria Seixas Lemos (36)
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
--- J. Paul Getty
"If you would persuade, you must appeal to interest
rather than intellect."
--- Benjamin Franklin
"A man who contemplates revenge keeps his wounds green."
--- Francis Bacon
A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos
for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone,
staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?"
"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles
back up the trail."
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back!?!"
"A tough call," nodded the hunter, "but I figured no one is
going to steal Henry."
For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at
long last, he had collected sufficient courage to ask
her the most momentous of all questions:
"There are quite a lot of advantages to being a
bachelor," he began, "but there comes a time when one
longs for the companionship of another being--a being
who will regard one as perfect, as an idol, whom one
can treat as one's absolute own, who will be kind and
faithful when times are hard, who will share one's joys
and sorrows."
To his delight he saw a sympathetic gleam in her eyes.
Then she nodded in agreement.
Finally, she responded, "I think its a great idea!
Do you want me to go to the pound with you and help
you pick out a suitable puppy dog?"
Today's reading is from the Book of Political Life,
Chapter 1, verses 1-15:
1. In the beginning was the Plan.
2. And then came the Assumptions.
3. And the Assumptions were without form.
4. And the Plan was without Substance.
5. And darkness was upon the face of the Voters.
6. And the Voters spoke among themselves saying, "It
is a crock of shit and it stinks."
7. And the Voters went unto their Delegates and
said, "It is a crock of dung and we cannot live with
the smell."
8. And the Delegates went unto their Representatives saying,
"It is a container of organic waste, and it is very
strong, such that none may abide by it."
9. And the Representatives went unto their Senators, saying,
"It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its
strength."
10. And the Senators spoke among themselves, saying to
one another, "It contains that which aids plant growth,
and it is very strong."
11. And the Senators went to the Vice President,
saying unto them, "It promotes growth, and it is very
powerful."
12. And the Vice President went to the President,
saying unto him, "It has very powerful effects."
13. And the President looked upon the Plan and saw that
it was good.
14. And the Plan became Policy.
15. And that is how crap happens.
Click on the picture for the large version
Cinema Cannes, in Cannes, France
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Davis Williams, 54, currently in OKMULGEE COUNTY, Oklahoma
Meth lab explodes in man's pants
A portable meth lab exploded in a Mounds man's pants early
Friday morning as he struggled with an Oklahoma Highway
Patrol trooper.
The Oklahoma Highway Patrol says meth was leaking down Davis
Williams' leg as he tried to run away from a trooper just after
midnight.
The trooper had stopped an SUV for speeding on 221st Street
South in Okmulgee County. After giving the driver a ticket, the
trooper began to question the passenger, Davis Williams, about
a chemical smell.
The OHP says Williams, 54, then took off running, but the
trooper caught him and a struggle ensued.
"After a brief struggle it was determined there was an active
meth lab in his pants that burst during the struggle and got
all over his body," said OHP trooper Shiloh Hall.
Medical personnel checked out Williams and the road was
closed so emergency crews could clean up the scene.
Williams was booked into the Okmulgee County jail on a
complaint of manufacture of a controlled and dangerous
substance. The driver of the SUV was not arrested.
The OHP says the driver was taking Williams to his semi
at the time of the incident.
Tech Support Pits:
From: Dave
Re: Correct my name
Dear Webby,
Please correct greeting to Dave
Thank you for all the work you do!
Dave
Dear Dave
Done
-----------
Every time somebody asks me to correct their name, I also
correct any others on the same page.
Dave's was easy, he had put "dave" as his First Name, when
he subscribed.
Some others do give me a chuckle: When I imagine the name
Mrs Ernestine Fogharty-Smythe III
filled into a joke, where I use your name insted of
"Little Johnny", it gets rather ridiculous.
If what you put in there as your "First Name" when you
subscribed is not what you want to see, when I say Good Morning
to you, then tell me! It only takes me a second to correct that.
I typo real fsa!t
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat
together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel
operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen
in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his
wife, "Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having
a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore and
dock it."
So she drove the boat to shore.
Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where
her husband was watching television. She sat down next to him,
switched the TV channel, and said to him, "Please go into the
kitchen, dear. Pretend I'm having a heart attack and set the
table, cook dinner and wash the dishes."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Nail Brushes for Cleaning Small Spaces
I rarely use a nail brush to clean under my nails, as I use
the end of a nail file. So I have a small collection of nail
brushes I've saved from gift sets (frugal people save
anything they think they will eventually find a use for).
I keep a couple of them by the sink in the laundry room and
have found they are great for scrubbing small spaces -
a little larger than an old toothbrush and smaller than a
traditional scrub brush. They have come in handy time
and time again.
By Marie from West Dundee, IL
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
George goes to the Birth Registration Office to register his
newborn son.
The man behind the counter asks the name he wants to give to
the boy, and the father replies: "Euro."
The man says that such a name is not acceptable, because
it's a currency.
Says George: "What? There weren't any objections when I
called my first two sons Mark and Frank."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours
the Tech Support Center was open. I told him, "The number you
dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."
He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"
Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."...
[ add comment ]
|
permalink |
( 2.9 / 89 )
How to restore the task bar to the bottom
Sunday, April 29, 2012, 08:24 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, April 29
If you are running low on ink or toner, get refills THIS week!
Atlantic Inkjet has Earth Week discounts this week.
You get free shipping even on small orders,
and a 10 % discount with this coupon code:
EARTH2012
Due to noisy demand, Earth Week has been extended to April 30
That is today and tomorrow!
Looks like Russa does not want NATO to repeat their general
weapons testing exercise as in Libya, where they killed almost
three times as many civilians as Quadafi had. So they parked
their newest ships in front of Syria, with an alert looking
sailor ready to hold off NATO.
NATO forces are circling the Russian ships with small yachts
loaded with shivering bikini models and a lot of very modern
cameras and surveillance gear.
Quite likely the Russians are also showing off their new
ships and probably hope to sell a bunch of them.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
1429 Joan of Arc leads Orleans France, to victory over English
1553 Flemish woman introduces practice of starching linen into England
1623 11 Dutch ships depart for the conquest of Peru
1644 Farm leader Li Zicheng becomes emperor of China & flees Peking
1661 Chinese Ming dynasty occupies Taiwan
1707 English/Scottish parliament accept Act of Union, form Great Britain
1781 French fleet stops Britain from seizing the Cape of Good Hope
1813 Rubber is patented
1856 End of Crimean War
1862 100,000 federal troops prepare to march into Corinth MS
1901 Anti semitic riot in Budapest
1912 108º F (42º C), Tuguegarao Philippines (Oceania record)
1913 Gideon Sundback of Hoboken patents all-purpose zipper
1916 Irish nationalists set post office on fire in Dublin
1930 Telephone connection England-Australia goes into service
1940 Norwegian King Haakon & government flees to England
1945 Adolf Hitler marries Eva Braun
1965 Australian government announces it will send troops to Vietnam
1970 50,000 US & South Vietnamese troops invade Cambodia
1975 US Forces pull out of Vietnam
1975 Ethiopia nationalizes (conficates) all ground/earth
1990 Wrecking cranes began tearing down Berlin Wall at Brandenburg Gate
1991 Croatia declares independence
1992 Jury acquits Los Angeles police officers of beating Rodney King, riots begin
1994 Israel & PLO sign economic accord
Japan : Emperor Hirohito's Birthday
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
"He who boasts of his ancestry
is praising the deeds of another."
--- Seneca the Younger
Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity
for taking things for granted.
--- Aldous Huxley
A ten-year-old girl asked and received help from a
librarian on how to use the card catalog. In a little
while, the girl approached the librarian again, wanting
to know how to spell "tequila."
"T-e-q-u-i-l-a," spelled the librarian. The girl thanked
her and went back to her search.
A short time later she came to the desk, looking quite
distraught. "I just can't find it." she said.
"What book are you looking for, honey?" the librarian
asked.
And the little girl said, "Tequila Mockingbird."
Need to fix a birth certificate?
Learn
Photoshop in a Day!
A Complete Photoshop Guide For People Who Hate Normal Manuals,
Aimed At Beginners And Moves On To Advanced Level.
Learning Photoshop The Easy Way.
A Clearly Written And Illustrated E-book With A
New Method Of Learning.
Change the red car to a blue one. YOU can do it!
Easy to follow step-by-step tutorials.
Get Photoshop in a Day!
An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a
convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the
priest's much-loved roses.
"Not bad," said the priest, "but they suffer from a disease
peculiar to this area known as the black death."
"What on earth is that?" asked the passerby, anxious to
increase his garden knowledge.
"Nuns with scissors."
Guess what this is!
Click on the picture for the large version
It is near Bartholomäberg, 6780, Austria
in case you have Google Earth
Here is the same thing, opened:
Click on the picture for the large version
It is a former 4 seater chair lift seat, tossed out to make
room for 6-seaters. They were placed along scenic roads
as park benches, including the clear plexiglass hoods,
that make resting and enjoying the scenery more pleasant in
rough weather. When it is sunny, they tend to turn into
saunas, but the hood opens up with a finger tip.
This is along one of my dad's favorite hiking routes.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Aldwin Caceres, 18, in Tampa, Florida
Jailed After Head-Butting Mother,
Burning Down Her House Over Cell Phone
Tampa, FL (The Weekly Vice) - Aldwin Caceres, an 18-year-old
bonehead with a blonde afro was jailed Sunday after he allegedly
head-butted his mother, then burned her house down during an
argument over a cell phone.
According to police, the 275 pound Caceres became angry
Saturday night while arguing with his mother over a cell phone.
In retaliation, Caceres allegedly grabbed his mother by the
wrists, pushed her onto a bed and then head-butted her twice
on the forehead.
Caceres then reportedly doused two couches and his mother's
bed with gasoline before setting them ablaze. The fire was
started shortly after midnight and completely destroyed the home.
Caceres was booked into the Hillsborough County Jail and
charged with first-degree arson and domestic battery.
Tech Support Pits:
From: Jan
Re: Moved task bar
Dear Webby,
Something happened to my desktop. (had kids
around)
Instead of the task bar being on the bottom it
is now located at the top of the screen, I sure
would appreciate it if you could tell me how to
get it back to the original spot. I suppose I can
live with it if I have to, but, I'm old and a
creature of habit.
Please help me!
Thanks, Jan
Enjoy this day!
- Jan
Dear Jan
Just click on a blank spot on the task bar
and drag it back down, where it belongs.
It does not drag smoothly, it acts like it is stuck
until your mouse almost reaches the new position,
then it jumps to there.
You can also put it onto a side of the screen, if you want.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A man was visiting his elderly neighbor and
was given a tour of his home. In the den was
a stuffed lion. The neighbor asked, "When did
you bag him?"
The old man said proudly, "That was three
years ago, when I went hunting with my
ex-wife and her mother."
"What's he stuffed with?" asked the neighbor.
"My ex-wife and her mother," replied the old man.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Dog Tag for Medical Information
I purchased a dog tag from PetSmart and on one side I have
my name and phone number, on the other side I list O-POS /
DIABETIC. It's attached to my key chain just in case of an
emergency and can easily be seen.
By CaroleeRose from Madison, AL
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to mark for this:
The other night, my friend and I were going out.
She sat there and put on foamies, eyebrow pencil, eye shadow,
eyeliner, plastic eyelashes, foundation, mascara, toner,
blush, trim, siding, and lipstick,
then turned to me and said, "Does this look natural?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was
interviewing a prospective student and asked,
"Why have you chosen this career?"
The young man said, "I dream of making a million dollars
in farming, like my father."
"Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed
the dean.
"No," replied the applicant, "but he always dreamed of it."
[ add comment ]
|
permalink |
( 3 / 81 )
Saturday, April 28, 2012, 06:06 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, April 28
Thank you, Sig!
--------------
If you are running low on ink or toner, get refills THIS week!
Atlantic Inkjet has Earth Week discounts this week.
You get free shipping even on small orders,
and a 10 % discount with this coupon code:
EARTH2012
Due to noisy demand, Earth Week has been extended to April 30
---------------
Betty wrote:
Hi Webby, I am impressed with the prices of the ink cartridges
for my printer From Atlantic. Thank you for that info.
Can you please tell me if there are duty charges from the
US border crossing when I pick them up? It mentions we are
responsible for that, but I don’t rem you talking about it, or
how costly it is.
Thanks for your help & info.
TC, Betty
Dear Betty
On small orders Canada Post just lets them slip through,
on large ones you pay the 5% GST, as if you had bought
the toner downtown. Duty is the same as GST.
In Socialist provinces you may have to pay additional
provincial sales tax, but you are used to that anyway.
Here in Alberta, where there is no provincial extortion,
it's just the 5% GST/Duty, and if that is below a secret
threshold, the Post Office won't bother figuring it out and
let it slide through free.
Two toners for my DELL 13020c slide through free. On
Monday I expect a shipment of three toners, that I ordered
on Thursday, and I have a hunch, they will slide through for
free too.
So I get 10% off for EarthWeek with the EARTH2012
coupon, free shipping donated by Atlantic Inkjet
and no GST, thanks to my good friends at the Post Office.
That is why I have bought ink and toner from Atlantic Inkjet
for over a dozen years.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
0585 War between Lydia & Media ended by solar eclipse
1376 English parliament demands supervision on royal outlay
1635 Virginia Governor John Harvey accused of treason & removed from office
1655 English Admiral Blake beats Tunen pirate fleet
1770 Captain James Cook in Endeavor lands at Botany Bay in Australia
1789 Fletcher Christian leads Mutiny on HMS Bounty & Captain Bligh
1818 Monroe proclaims naval disarmament on Great Lakes & Lake Champlain
1935 Moscow underground opens (81 km long)
1941 Last British troops in Greece surrenders
1956 Last French troop leave Vietnam
1961 Lieutenant Colonel Georgi Mossolov takes E-66A to 34,714 meter altitude
1965 US marines invade Dominican Republic, stay until October 1966
1967 Muhammad Ali refuses induction into army & stripped of boxing title
1975 Last Americans evacuated from Saigon
1995 Gas explosion in South Korean metro, 103 die
1996 Meg Mallon wins LPGA Sara Lee Golf Classic
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
"A good man gone wrong is usually a bad man found out. "
If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.
--- Mel Brooks
Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly
while he's overcharging you.
--- Kin Hubbard
"It's no good, sir," said the hopeless pupil to his English
teacher. "I try to learn, but everything you say goes in both
ears and out the other."
"Goes in both ears and out the other?" asked the puzzled
teacher. "But you only have two ears, boy."
"Guess I'm no good at math, either!"
Need to fix a birth certificate?
Learn
Photoshop in a Day!
A Complete Photoshop Guide For People Who Hate Normal Manuals,
Aimed At Beginners And Moves On To Advanced Level.
Learning Photoshop The Easy Way.
A Clearly Written And Illustrated E-book With A
New Method Of Learning.
Change the red car to a blue one. YOU can do it!
Easy to follow step-by-step tutorials.
Get Photoshop in a Day!
was selling tickets at the movie house when she got a phone
call. This woman said, "How much is a ticket?"
said, "Seven dollars."
She said, "How much for children?"
said, "Same price, seven dollars."
She said, "The airlines charge half fare for children."
said, "OK, put the kids on a plane somewhere, and you
come to the movie. You'll enjoy it a lot more that way."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Stacey Ann Ortiz, 34, Port St. Lucie, Florida
Jailed After Attacking Boyfriend Because He
Refused To Have Sex With Her right now
Stacey Ann Ortiz, a 34-year-old Port St. Lucie resident
was jailed after she attacked her boyfriend because he refused
to have sex with her.
According to Port St. Lucie County Police, Ortiz and her
boyfriend were drinking at a friend's house when they
decided to call it a night and head home.
When Ortiz hinted that she was in the mood for a a little
something-something, her boyfriend rejected the idea and
stated that would rather relax and watch television instead.
That's when Ortiz launched a physical attack on her boyfriend.
Investigators say the boyfriend attempted to run away, but
Ortiz chased him down the street while he was wearing
only underwear and a cel phone.
The victim was able to call 911.
When officers arrived, they noted that the boyfriend had
several minor abrasions, including a cut on his forehead
and scratches on his chest.
Ortiz reportedly told investigators that she and her boyfriend's
argument was only verbal at first, but claimed that he
head-butted her, which turned it into a physical fight.
She admitted to using a metal mop handle to break the
windshield of the victim's truck, and to chasing him down
the street because she was angry.
Ortiz was booked into the St. Lucie County Jail and charged
with domestic battery. She was released on her own
recognizances, and is due to appear in court on May 8th.
Tech Support Pits:
From: Elaine
Re: Copy files from a certain date
Dear Webby, you mentioned copying files from a set date on.
How do you do that in Windows 7?
Elaine
Dear Elaine
Open the File Explorer, browse to the directory, where those
files are, and click on DATE on top, to sort them by date.
Doing that in XP is pretty well instant, but in W7, if there
are a lot of files in there, will take some time. If it is
for example a folder with all the embedded and attached
pictures, go clean out the coffee machine and the counter,
while Windows is doing that.
When you come back, sometimes it has done it, other times
you have to click on DATE again and go do more chores.
Eventually, the files are sorted by date, and you can
highlight the date range that you want and copy or move or
delete them.
If you are in a hurry, go up a level, so that you see the name
of that folder, highlight it, SHIFT Rightclick to get the
advanced menu, select OPEN DOS COMMAND PROMPT HERE.
That gives you the scary black DOS screen
and a prompt telling you what directory you are in.
Type color 9e
that gives you a dark blue screen with yellow text.
Then type
xcopy *.* x:\folder\subfolder /D:m-d-y
The *.* means ALL files that qualify
Instead of x:\folder\subfolder you put the destination, where you want
the files copied to.
/D:m-d-y is the date
For files after April 10, 2010 you would use
/D:04-10-2010
If you use just /D, with no specidic date, then the Xcopy
command copies only those files, that are newer at the
source than at the destination. You can probably imagine
how that trick makes backing up really fast! It does not
bother with the 3 Million files, that you already got on the
back-up drive, and just copies the 7 new files.
To see all the handy "Switches" for the Xcopy command,
type xcopy /?
yeah, WOW!
We had that since the days of DOS-3, long before the first
Windows, but most of us kept it a secret from the mousers.
You can note the switches, that you want and write a bat
that has them built in. You can write bats with any clean
text editor, and save them into the c:\Windows directory.
Here is one I wrote when you were still jailbait: xx.bat
@echo off
xcopy %1 %2 /D /E /C /H /R /K /Y /Z
echo === copied %1 to %2
pause
I'll explain what each line does:
@echo off tells it to NOT echo each command onto the screen.
You already know what it does, since you wrote it.
xcopy %1 %2 takes source and destination from your command
line input
If you type
xx c:\noise\wav\*.* f:\sounds\new\wav
then the bat takes c:\noise\wav\*.* as %1 and f:\sounds\new\wav as %2.
After that it applies the list of conditional switches
/D /E /C /H /R /K /Y /Z
Whatever source or destination you specify, the xx.bat will
always use those conditional switches.
Then it tells you, what it has done, and asks you to hit the
ANY key, after you have seen that message.
You can, of course, "hardwire" source and destination for
frequent backups, for example xwav.bat (saved to the Windows folder)
@echo off
xcopy c:\noise\wav\*.* f:\sounds\new\wav /D /E /C /H /R /K /Y /Z
echo === copied c:\noise\wav\*.* f:\sounds\new\wav
pause
After you have saved the xwav.bat, make a desktop shortcut to it.
Whenever you click that, it will back up all your wavs and
ask you to hit the ANY key, when it is done.
By the way, if you don't like the yellow on blue screen, type
color /? and get a list of the color names.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
While talking with my semi-deaf uncle one evening, I
noticed that his "hearing aid" was actually an earphone
from a transistor radio. The wire had been cut and was
sticking into his shirt.
"How does that help your hearing?" I asked.
"Don't help my hearing none," he replied.
"Makes people talk louder."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Make Envelopes From Magazines
I have done this for years. Our library has magazines in
their bookstore for a quarter each. After I read them, I
make envelopes from the most colorful pages and tear out
all the cologne ads (woman's magazines) that have the
scent under the flap. When I am ready to mail a handmade
card or letter I lift the tab on the scent and rub it on the
inside of my magazine made envelope. Makes it a pleasant
surprise for the recipient.
There are several envelope templates for downloading on
the web available for free. The larger the magazine pages,
the more choices you have for your envelope size. I have
also used maps and old sheet music. You will need to add
a label for the address. I use my return address sticker to
seal the envelope in the back. Food, art, garden, travel, and
animal magazines have some great photos.
Source: My idea as far as using the scents. Envelopes from
magazines have been around for some time.
By NoRulesArt from FL
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
>From Phil:
While riding the bus, my mother noticed a young man, who
was holding onto the same pole, staring at her.
Eventually, he said, "Excuse me. This is my stop."
Since she wasn't blocking his way, she was confused.
"Well," she said,"go ahead."
"And this is my pole," he said.
My mother was completely perplexed until the young man
added, "I just bought it at the hardware store to hold
up my shower curtain."
And with that, he picked up his pole and carried it off
the bus.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old
man who had become disoriented. They decided to take him
to the hospital for evaluation. En route, with siren going,
they questioned the man to determine his level of awareness.
Leaning close, one paramedic asked,
"Sir, do you know what we're doing right now?"
The old man slowly looked up at him, then gazed out the
ambulance window. He slowly turned back to the paramedic
and said, "Oh, I'd say about 50, maybe 55."
[ add comment ]
|
permalink |
( 2.9 / 91 )
How to get the Command Line in Windows 7 Explorer?
Friday, April 27, 2012, 07:59 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, April 27
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Yesterday I noticed water running down at the edge of the
road on the North side, but no rain. So I checked on the
West side. There water was spouting up in the middle of the
road at a rate of about 40 Liters (10 US Gallons) a minute.
Water main break!
Just as I was looing for an after hours number for the town,
one of their guys showed up and marked with a spray can
where the road needed to be dug up.
Then another guy showed up and they started searching for
shut-off valves, while I frantically filled every pot with water.
I even walked over to Barb in the next block. She had borrowed
my 5 gallon Chilie pot some time ago. I got back in time to
fill that too, before they shut things off.
Then today a crew showed up with a big tracked hoe, and
carved open a hole big enough for a small house. They cheerfully
smashed the old style sewer line, but were very gentle about
exposing the water main.
Once the water main was exposed, it showed two holes the
size of cookies about a hand's width apart. Apparently that
was a weak spot in the steel pipe, and somebody slamming
a valve shut too quickly somewhere, blew out those weak
spots.
They put a wrap-around sleeve onto the main, replaced the
smashed part of the sewer line with plastic, put the dirt back
into the hole and tamped it down. Three hours after that crew
had shown up, they drove away.
And I had water again!
--------------
If you are running low on ink or toner, get refills THIS week!
Atlantic Inkjet has Earth Week discounts this week.
You get free shipping even on small orders,
and a 10 % discount with this coupon code:
EARTH2012
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
4977 -BC- Johannes Kepler's date for creation of universe
1509 Pope Julius II excommunicates Italian state of Venice
1565 1st Spanish settlement in Philippines, Cebu City
1773 British Parliament passes the Tea Act (eventually leads to
Boston Tea Party on December 16)
1805 US Marines attack shores of Tripoli (pirates)
1813 in revenge for the Canucks burning down the White House in 1812,
Americans under General Pike capture Toronto today in 1913; Pike is killed
1861 West Virginia secedes from Virginia after Virginia secedes from US
1870 Heinrich Schliemann discovers Troy
1881 Pogroms against Russian Jews start in Elisabethgrad
1920 Pogrom leader Petljoera declares Ukraine Independence
1923 Mussolini government on the side of the winners at the end of WWI takes South Tirol
1941 German troops occupy Athens Greece
1945 2nd Republic of Austria forms, however, that did not stop Allied bombing
1946 1st radar installation aboard a commercial ship installed
1960 1st atomic powered electric-drive submarine launched (Tullibee)
1965 RC Duncan patents "Pampers" disposable diaper
1976 Arabic Monetary Fund established in Abu Dhabi
1977 Bloody riots in Soweto South Africa
1978 Afghanistan revolution, pro-Russian, anti CIA military coup
1987 US bars Austrian Chancellor Waldheim from entering US, due to his aid of
Nazi Germany as a juvenile during WWII
1989 Beijing students take over Tiananmen Square in China
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
"A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy,
and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes."
--- Robert Frost
A Cajun was stopped by a game warden in South Louisiana
recently with two ice chests of fish, leaving a bayou well
known for its fishing.
The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license
to catch those fish?"
"Naw, ma fren, I ain't got none of dem, no. Deez here are
my pet fish."
"Pet fish?"
"Ya. Avery night I take deez here fish down to de bayou
and let dem swim 'round for a while. Den I whistle and
dey jump rat back inta dis here ice chest and I take dem
home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
The Cajun looked at the game warden for a moment and
then said, "It's de truth ma' fren. I'll show you.
It really works."
"Okay, I've GOT to see this!"
The Cajun poured the fish into the bayou and stood and
waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned
to him and said, "Well?"
"Well, what?" said the Cajun.
"When are you going to call them back?"
"Call who back?"
"The FISH!"
"What fish?"
Learn
Photoshop in a Day!
A Complete Photoshop Guide For People Who Hate Normal Manuals,
Aimed At Beginners And Moves On To Advanced Level.
Learning Photoshop The Easy Way.
A Clearly Written And Illustrated E-book With A
New Method Of Learning.
Change the red car to a blue one. YOU can do it!
Easy to follow step-by-step tutorials.
Get Photoshop in a Day!
The computer swallowed grandma.
Yes, honestly its true.
She pressed 'control' and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.
It devoured her completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.
I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind;
I've even used the Internet,
But nothing did I find.
In desperation, I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found 'online'.
So, if inside your 'Inbox,'
My Grandma you should see,
Please 'Copy', 'Scan' and 'Paste' her
And send her back to me!
If you print that with a fancy font on some art paper,
maybe on top of a nice picture, I think it would make
a great Mothers Day present fro grandma!
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Yusra Farhan, 50, in Phoenix, AZ
Iraqi Woman Arrested After Beating,
Tying Her Daughter to Bed for Talking to Man
An Iraqi woman living in Phoenix has been arrested after
admitting to beating her daughter and shackling the
19-year-old to a bed as punishment for speaking with a
man. After the mother admitted to the crime and explained
the catalyst was her “Iraqi culture,“ all elements bear the
markings of an ”honor beating.”
Phoenix Police arrested 50-year-old Yusra Farhan Wednesday
night at St. Joseph’s Hospital where her daughter was being
treated for her injuries. The young woman told police her
mother beat her with with a shoe before ultimately shackling
her waist to a bed to prevent her from leaving the house.
550KFYI reports that the rope was secured by a padlock.
Farhan told officers that in Iraqi culture, females are not
allowed to have contact with males, thus a daughter is
not permitted to have a boyfriend.
Farhan resisted arrest and called out to other family
members present to help her fight off police, according
to court paperwork. Those family members also jumped
into the fray and had to be restrained in the hospital’s
emergency area, according to police.
Farhan was arrested on charges of aggravated assault,
unlawful imprisonment, and resisting arrest.
The victim claims her father also struck her several times
prior to enduring the assault by her mother.
The battered woman reported that she was set free only to
attend school the morning of the 8th. When the victim
arrived at school, she disclosed the details of her assault
and was transported to the hospital by the Phoenix Fire
department.
That barbarian bonehead, Yusra Farhan, needs to be
deported back to Iraq!
Tech Support Pits:
From: Omar
Re: Command Line in W7
Dear Webby
In XP we had TweakUI to set up a line in the right-click
menu, that let us "Open Command Line Here".
How do we get that in Blonde Windows?
Omar
Dear Omar
Contrary to all expectations, some rebel at Microsoft
listened to demands to have that included. It is hidden
from the innocent babes, but it IS there!
In the file explorer, hold down SHIFT and right-click a folder.
Then you get a full menu, just as if you had installed TweakUI,
and forgotten you did.
Whenever you need to go to the command line, for example to
copy or move files limited by date, you can do it just as
easily as if you were in XP.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside -
I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL -
"If you don't clean up your act,
I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me about JUSTICE -
"One day you will have kids,
and I hope they turn out just like YOU..
THEN you'll see what it's like."
MOM TAUGHT ME RELIGION
"You better pray that will come out of that carpet!"
MOM TAUGHT ME LOGIC
"Because I said so, that's why!"
MOM TAUGHT ME IRONY
"Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about!"
MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT THE SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT CONTORTIONISM
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck?"
MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT STAMINA
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone!"
MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT WEATHER
"It looks like a tornado went through your room!"
MOM TAUGHT ME HOW TO SOLVE PHYSICS PROBLEMS
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would
you listen then?"
MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT HYPOCRISY
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times-don't exaggerate!"
MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
"Stop acting like your father!"
And most of all.....
MOM TAUGHT ME THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
"I brought you into this world, I can take you out!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Remove Condensation from Car Windows
When your windshield steams up on you, a clean blackboard
eraser kept in the glove compartment of your car or truck can
be quite handy for wiping off the moisture. The eraser is less
bulky than a cloth and doesn't shed lint on the glass.
By duckie-do from Cortez, CO
If you see a "Tunnel" sign, crank down the windows,
turn the air onto the windows and grab your eraser.
Quite often the sudden coolness of a tunnel will cause
the windows to fog up, especially if you have a bunch of
noisy kids in the vehicle.
Tell them to close their mouths and cover them with their
hands, or else the tunnel ghost will kill them.
With tunnels, acidents due to kids fogging up the windows
are a very close second to impaired driving, however, since
tunnel accidents are usually fatal, it is sometimes impossible
to tell whether an impared driver got spooked by the sudden
fogging up of the windows, and would have been OK, if that
had not happened.
Prepare the kids before any vacation trip.
Whenever you scream "TUNNEL", that means "Shut up and
hold your yap, and grab the eraser or cloth, ready to clean
the window."
Being prepared for that sudden fogging up may save a whole
bunch of lives!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Linda for this one:
My husband is wonderful with our baby daughter, but often
he turns to me for advice. Recently, I was in the shower
when he poked his head in to ask, "What should I feed Lily
for lunch?"
"That's up to you," I replied. "There's all kinds of food.
Why don't you pretend I'm not at home?"
A few minutes later, my cell phone rang. I answered it to
hear my husband asking, "Yeah, hi, Honey. Uh..what should
I feed Lily for lunch?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Two Irish mothers were talking about their sons. The first
said, "My Patrick is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't
smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in
over two years."
The other woman said, "Well, my Francis is a saint himself.
Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in over three
years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that
time."
"My word," the first Irish mother said. "You must be so
proud."
"I am," the second mother replied. "And when he's paroled
next month, I'm going to throw him one heck of a
big party."
[ add comment ]
|
permalink |
( 3 / 85 )
Next
» Grave Addiction
Click on the picture for the large version
Click on the picture for the large version
Click on the picture for the large version
Click on the picture for the large version
Click on the picture for the large version
Click on the picture for the large version
Click on the picture for the large version
Click on the picture for the large version
Click on the picture for the large version
Click on the picture for the large version
Click on the picture for the large version
Click on the picture for the large version
Click on the picture for the large version
Click on the picture for the large version
Click on the picture for the large version
Click on the picture for the large version
Click on the picture for the large version
Click on the picture for the large version
Click on the picture for the large version
Click on the picture for the large version
Click on the picture for the large version
Recognize
a spoof
Web
Tools
Babelfish
Translator
HungerSite
BreastCancer
Site
Calendar
