Upgrade IQ chip 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, May 2

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DearWebby

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Arkansas elementary school teacher arrested for giving alcohol to minors Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 2, in 1982 The British submarine HMS Conqueror sank Argentina's only cruiser, the General Belgrano during the Falkland Islands War. More than 350 people died. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ "No matter how much cats fight, there always seems to be plenty of kittens." --- Abraham Lincoln There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it. --- Cicero (106 BC - 43 BC) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Swampy Marsh, the young Australian father-to-be, is waiting anxiously outside the maternity ward where his wife is having their first baby. He is pacing the floor when the nurse comes out and says, "You have a little boy, Mr. Marsh, but you had better go out and have a cup of coffee, because there may be another one." Swampy turns a little pale and leaves. Some time later he phones the hospital and is told that he the father of twins, but the nurse cautions, "There is another one on the way, so call back later." At that Swampy decides that coffee is not strong enough, so he goes to a bar and has some beer. When he phones the hospital again he is told that the third baby has arrived and a fourth is on the way. White-faced, he stumbles to the bar and orders a double scotch. Twenty minutes later, he tries to phone again, but he is so drunk that he dials the wrong number and gets the recorded cricket game score. When they pick him up off the floor the recording is still going strong: "The score is ninety-six all out," says the voice, "and the last one was a duck." He passed out.
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Two nuns were shopping at a 7-11 store. As they passed by the beer cooler, one nun said to the other, "Wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?" The second nun answered, "Indeed it would, sister. But I would not feel comfortable buying beer, since I am certain it would cause a scene at the checkout stand." "I can handle that without a problem," the other nun replied. Then she picked up a six-pack and headed for the check-out. The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with a six-pack of beer. "We use beer for washing our hair," the nun said. "Back at our nunnery, we call it catholic shampoo." Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks, and placed them in the bag with the beer. He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled, and said: "The curlers are on the house." ______________________________________________________ Two women were at a bar. One said, "You know, eighty percent of all men think the best way to end a fight is to make love." "Well," said the other, "if that caught on, that would definitely revolutionize the game of hockey!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to my dad for this picture: This one bloomed today. ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ryan William Dickson, 39, Des Moines, Iowa Arkansas elementary school teacher arrested for giving alcohol to minors A Sherwood elementary school teacher accused of giving alcohol to more than 30 minors at an after-prom party has been suspended, a district spokesman said Monday. Marcie Duncan, 48, who works at William Jefferson Clinton Elementary School, is suspended pending an internal investigation in accordance with district policy, Deb Roush of the Pulaski County Special School District said. Duncan teaches fourth grade and has worked at the school for eight years, according to the school's website. Duncan was arrested Sunday and charged with 33 counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor, 33 counts of furnishing alcohol to a minor, two counts of third-degree endangering the welfare of a minor and violation of the Arkansas Social Host Law, according to information provided by the Lonoke County jail. Deputies arrested Duncan after they responded around 4 a.m. to a party on her family's property near West Lewisburg Road, Lonoke County Sheriff John Staley said. They found several empty alcohol containers as well as a full-sized keg. Duncan, who appeared intoxicated while talking to police, said she had "everything under control" and didn't see a problem because she had been there the entire night making sure everyone was OK, according to a news release from the sheriff's office. Staley said that several intoxicated students between the ages of 15 and 18 were passed out throughout the premises. Others tried to hide in the nearby woods or escape in their cars, he said. Deputies called students' parents as well as an ambulance for those who were extremely intoxicated, Staley said. None was taken to a hospital for treatment. Duncan was released from the Lonoke County jail Sunday on a $21,000 bond, the sheriff said Monday. 4th grade, 15 - 18 years old and driving their own pick- ups? Must be Arkansas ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: None RE: No Question today No question Here is an ancient joke about tech support: Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly." Tech Support: "What does it say?" Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk." Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?" Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an intel inside. How do I get that one out? " Tech Support: "It's actually fairly easy if you had the IQ chip upgraded lately. Have you had that done?" Customer: "No, I don't think so. I'm always one of the last to get the new stuff." Tech Support: "OK, then go tell your manager that I said you qualify for an IQ upgrade." Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A study conducted by the American Psychiatric Association (ASA) today showed that over 40% of the practicing psychiatrists in the U.S. were themselves receiving psychiatric treatment of some kind. A spokeswoman for the ASA said the public should not be concerned, as the remainder were undergoing intensive drug-therapy. -------------- Dr Bubba Trailerjack, who bought his degree from Menthol State Unifercity, summed it up quite succinctly: "You gotta be nuts to go see a shrink!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sweet Potato Fries This is the easiest way I've found to make sweet potato (or any other type of) fries. Ingredients: sweet potato (1 or enough to serve your family/guests) Italian dressing (I use bottled "house" Italian) pepper (to taste) paprika (to taste) The Italian dressing takes care of most of the seasonings, and I do not need to add any more salt. Directions: Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Line a jelly roll pan with aluminum foil for easy clean up. Wash sweet potato and cut into quarter inch fries (I leave the skin on). Drizzle Italian dressing lightly over fries. The amount you use will depend on the number of potatoes you are serving. Sprinkle with seasonings (to taste). Toss lightly with your fingers to coat all the potatoes, then spread flat in one layer the cookie sheet. Bake for 20-30 minutes to desired crispness. Serve with Ranch dressing as a dip. Source: I saw something similar for regular potatoes in a magazine several years ago. Finally tried it with the sweet potato fries. Yum! By skeesics56 from NW OH ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Various organizational philosophies explained in "two cow" terms. Socialism: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor. Communism: You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk. Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk. Bureaucracy: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain. Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Corporate: You have two cows. You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows and then act surprised when it drops dead. Democratic: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you must sell them both in order to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow which was a gift from your government. Conservative: You have two cows. You hide one in the back yard and sell the milk from it to neighbors for cash to raise the money to pay for the tax on the front yard cow. California: You have two cows and paint minority rights slogans onto them. The government gives you two more cows. New York: You have two cows. You sell one cow so that you can afford to send the other one to an off-shore farm on an island that you can't find on the map. ___________________________________________________
42 times will get you to the moon!
____________________________________________________ After making a silly mistake, an instructor tried to excuse his absentmindedness by telling the class of his plans to propose marriage to his girlfriend later that day. A student spoke up and said that he had recently asked his girlfriend to marry him as well. "What was her answer?" the instructor asked. "I don't know," the student replied. "She hasn't e-mailed me back yet." __________________________________________________ When my neighbor's 3-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. His mother was not so pleased. She turned turned her mother and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Her mother smiled and then replied, "Oh, I remember..." ____________________________________________________
Dublin, Ireland from 100+ years ago.

Today on May 2
1670 The Hudson Bay Company was founded by England's 
 King Charles II.
1776 France and Spain agreed to donate arms to American 
 rebels fighting the British.
1797 A mutiny in the British navy spread from Spithead 
 to the rest of the fleet.
1798 The black General Toussaint L’ouverture forced British 
 troops to agree to evacuate the port of Santo Domingo.
1808 The citizens of Madrid rose up against Napoleon.
1813 Napoleon defeated a Russian and Prussian army at 
 Grossgorschen.
1865 U.S. President Andrew Johnson offered $100,000 reward for 
 the capture of Confederate President Jefferson Davis.
1885 The Congo Free State was established by King Leopold II 
 of Belgium.
1885 The magazine "Good Housekeeping" was first published.
1887 Hannibal W. Goodwin applied for a patent on celluloid 
 photographic film. This is the film from which movies are 
 shown.
1902 "A Trip to the Moon," the first science fiction film 
 was released. It was created by magician George Melies.
1926 U.S. Marines landed in Nicaragua to put down a revolt 
 and to protect U.S. interests. They did not depart until 
 1933.
1933 Hitler banned trade unions in Germany.
1941 Hostilities broke out between British forces in Iraq 
 and that country’s pro-German faction.
1945 Russians took Berlin after 12 days of fierce 
 house-to-house fighting. The Allies announced the surrender 
 of Nazi troops in Italy and parts of Austria.
1946 Prisoners revolted at California's Alcatraz prison.
1965 The "Early Bird" satellite was used to transmit television 
 pictures across the Atlantic.
1970 Student anti-war protesters at Ohio's Kent State University 
burn down the campus ROTC building. The National Guard took 
 control of the campus.
1974 Former U.S. Vice President Spiro T. Agnew was disbarred by 
 the Maryland Court of Appeals.
1974 The filming of "Jaws" began in Martha's Vineyard, MA.
1982 The British submarine HMS Conqueror sank Argentina's only 
 cruiser, the General Belgrano during the Falkland Islands War. 
 More than 350 people died.
1994 Nelson Mandela claimed victory after South Africa's first 
 democratic elections.
1999 In Panama, Mireya Moscoso de Grubar, of the Armulfista 
 Party, was elected president. 
2016  smiled.


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Copying just a small selection 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, May 1

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Iowa Man, who arrived at job interview for a taxi company drunk and hits 2 cars in the parking lot before going inside for his interview. Ryan William Dickson, is arrested for drunk driving in Des Moines. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 1, in 1707 England, Wales and Scotland were united to form Great Britain. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety. --- Aesop (620 BC - 560 BC) In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. --- John Adams (1735 - 1826) That is the greatest fallacy, the wisdom of old men. They do not grow wise. They grow careful. --- Ernest Hemingway (1899 - 1961) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of shopping at the mall. It was found by an honest little boy, who returned it to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmm, that's funny. When I lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."
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A circus owner walked into a bar to find everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside-down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!" "That's strange" said the duck's former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?" ______________________________________________________ A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!" Cashier: "Sir, you stepped away from the counter. We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now. That's the policy of the bank !" Customer: "Well, okay. Just thought you'd like to know you gave me hundred dollars too much. Bye, Bye. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ryan William Dickson, 39, Des Moines, Iowa Man arrives at job interview for a taxi company drunk and hits 2 cars in the parking lot before going inside for his interview. Ryan William Dickson, is arrested for drunk driving in Des Moines, Iowa. A Des Moines man was arrested Monday after he allegedly drove himself drunk to an interview with a taxi cab company, hitting parked cars in the lot. Ryan William Dickson, 39, arrived for his interview with Trans Iowa, a taxicab and shuttle company on Army Post Road, at 9:25 a.m., but had a little trouble parking. That’s likely because he blew a .273 on a preliminary breath test, which is three-times the legal limit to drive, according to a police report. A woman on her smoke break saw Dickson trying to maneuver into a parking space, but hit an adjacent car while he was backing up, the report states. Dickson straightened out and pulled into the space, but he crashed into the car in front of him. At first, Dickson told police he hadn’t been drinking, but admitted it later. He said he’d stopped drinking around 2 that morning and went to the hospital for his alcohol consumption. The hospital released him at about 8 a.m., Dickson said, but he drank another fifth of vodka afterward, the report states. When police asked him to complete a walk and turn test at the scene, Dickson began to fall and had to be caught by officers. He said he couldn’t complete the rest of the field sobriety test. He was arrested for operating while intoxicated and booked into the Polk County Jail, but was released later that day. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marge RE: Copy just portions of text Dear Webby Now for the real question. There are times when I want to save just one or two of the jokes but I can't seem to do it. What is the right way to do this? Marge Dear Marge Line up the joke that you want to copy so that all of it shows on the screen. Click at the begin of it, hold down the SHIFT key, and without letting go of it, click the mouse at the end of the joke. Now it is highlighted. Hit CTRL and C simultaneously to copy it. Jump to where you want to paste it, click at the spot where you want it, and hit CTRL V to paste it. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A man comes home late one night, drunk. "Where have you been?" asks his wife. "In the Golden Bar! They have golden chairs, golden glasses, golden beer, and even a golden urinal!" This sounds awfully suspicious to the wife. She calls the Golden Bar. "Do you have golden chairs?" "Yes." "Do you have golden glasses?" "Yes." "Do you have golden beer?" "Yes." "Do you have a golden urinal?" "Hold on." On the other end, she hears "Hey Bob! I think we have a line on the guy who messed up your tuba!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Kentucky Style Fried Chicken Found this at "The Cooking Nook". Ingredients 1 whole chicken, cut into pieces 2 - 3 eggs, beaten 3 - 4 Tbsp. oil for frying Coating Mixture: 2 cups flour 4 tsp. paprika 2 1/2 tsp. salt 1/2 - 1 tsp. pepper 1 tsp. poultry seasoning 1 tsp. thyme 1 tsp. oregano 1 tsp. tarragon 1/2 tsp. garlic salt 1/2 t. onion salt 1/2 tsp. celery salt Directions Mix together all the coating ingredients and place in a clean plastic bag. Dip each piece into beaten egg, then into the flour mixture in the bag. Coat the chicken completely with the flour mixture. Place the oil in a skillet and heat. Brown the chicken in oil slowly (225 degrees F, if you are using an electric skillet), uncovered. Cover the skillet and continue to fry at a very low heat until the chicken is fully cooked, approximately 1 hour. Drain well on paper towels. Tips and Variations: This recipe can be prepared using a deep fryer and is actually perfect for the fryer. Follow the directions on your fryer. Make sure your oil is hot before adding the chicken. The chicken shouldn't be greasy when it is cooked in hot oil, but if the oil is cool, it will absorb the grease. By redskin. from Brockville, Ont., Can. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ When I was working as a clerk at a sporting-goods store, a woman came up to my register with a package of white athletic socks. "Will you open this up so I can see how the socks feel?" she asked. Reluctantly I tore open the package, and she scrutinized the merchandise. She handed me the package, saying, "I like them." Relieved, I started to ring her up, until she interrupted me. "Can I have another pack? This one's been opened." ___________________________________________________
bohemian rhapsody - cool version :)
____________________________________________________ Bob was having a little trouble with a leg so he went to the doctor. "You have a touch of gout," the doctor said. "I recommend that you give up smoking, drinking and sex for a while." "What?" said the man. "Just so I can walk a little better? Forget it !" __________________________________________________ During her stay at an expensive hotel in Sue woke upin the middle of the night with an upset stomach. She called room service and ordered some soda crackers. When she looked at the charge slip, she was instantly furious. Sue calledroom service and raged, "I know I'm in a luxury hotel,but $11.50 for six crackers is ridiculous!" "The crackers are complimentary," the voice at the other end cooly explained........."Ma'am, I believe you are complaining about your room number sir." ____________________________________________________
Welcome to Longyearbyen, the Northernmost Town on Earth

Today on May 1
0408 Theodosius II succeeded to the throne of Constantinople.
1308 King Albert was murdered by his nephew John, because 
 he refused his share of the Hapbsburg lands. 
1486 Christopher Columbus convinced Queen Isabella to fund 
 an expedition to the West Indies. 
1707 England, Wales and Scotland were united to form Great Britain. 
1805 The state of Virginia passed a law requiring all freed 
 slaves to leave the state, or risk either imprisonment or 
 deportation. 
1863 In Virginia, the Battle of Chancellorsville began. 
 General Robert E. Lee's forces began fighting with Union 
 troops under General Joseph Hooker. Confederate General 
 Stonewall Jackson was mortally wounded by his own soldiers 
 in this battle. (May 1-4) 
1867 Reconstruction in the South began with black voter registration. 
1877 U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes withdrew all Federal 
 troops from the South, ending Reconstruction. 
1884 The construction of the first American 10-story 
 building began in Chicago, IL. 
1889 Asa Candler published a full-page advertisement in The 
 Atlanta Journal, proclaiming his wholesale and retail drug 
 business as "sole proprietors of Coca-Cola ... Delicious. 
 Refreshing. Exhilarating. Invigorating." Mr. Candler did 
 not actually achieve sole ownership until 1891 at a cost 
 of $2,300. 
1898 The U.S. Navy under Dewey defeated the Spanish fleet 
 at Manila Bay in the Philippines. 
1905 In New York, radium was tested as a cure for cancer. 
1915 A German submarine sank the U.S. ship Gulflight. 
1927 Adolf Hitler held his first Nazi meeting in Berlin. 
1931 The Empire State Building in New York was dedicated 
 and opened. It was 102 stories tall and was the tallest 
 building in the world at the time. 
1934 The Philippine legislature accepted a U.S. proposal 
 for independence. 
1937 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed an act of 
 neutrality, keeping the United States out of World War II. 
1944 The Messerschmitt Me 262, the first combat jet, 
 made its first flight. 
1945 Martin Bormann, private secretary to Adolf Hitler, 
 escaped from the Fuehrerbunker as the Red Army 
 advanced on Berlin. 
1945 Admiral Karl Doenitz succeeded Hitler as leader of 
 the Third Reich. This was one day after Hitler suicided. 
1948 The People's Democratic Republic of Korea (North Korea) 
 was proclaimed. 
1958 James Van Allen reported that two radiation belts 
 encircled Earth. 
1960 Francis Gary Powers' U-2 spy plane was shot down over 
 the Soviet Union. Powers was taken prisoner. 
1961 Fidel Castro announced there would be no more 
 elections in Cuba. 
1967 Anastasio Somoza Debayle became president of Nicaragua. 
1968 In the second day of battle, U.S. Marines, with the 
 support of naval fire, continue their attack on a North 
 Vietnamese Division at Dai Do. 
1970 Students at Kent State University riot in downtown 
 Kent, OH, in protest of the American invasion of Cambodia. 
1981 The Japanese government announced that it would limit 
 passenger car exports to the United States over the next 
 three years. 
1986 The Tass News Agency reported the Chernobyl nuclear 
 power plant accident. 
1986 Bill Elliott set a stock car speed record with his 
 Ford Thunderbird in Talladega, AL. Elliott reached a 
 speed of 212.229 mph. 
1992 On the third day of the Los Angeles riots resulting 
 from the Rodney King beating trial, King appeared in 
 public to appeal for calm, he asked, "Can we all get along?" 
1998 Arrow Air was fined $5 million for using spare parts 
 that lacked federal approval in the U.S. 
1999 On Mount Everest, a group of U.S. mountain climbers 
 discovered the body of George Mallory. Mallory had died in 
 June of 1924 while trying to become the first person to 
 reach the summit of Everest. At the time of the discovery 
 it was unclear whether or not Mallory had actually 
 reached the summit. 
2001 Chandra Levy was last seen in Washington, DC. Her 
 remains were found in Rock Creek Park on May 22, 2002. 
 California Congressman Gary Condit was questioned in 
 the case due to his relationship with Levy. 
2011 It was announced that U.S. soldiers had killed Osama 
 bin Laden in Pakistan.
2016  smiled.


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Is it necessary to back up drivers? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, April 30

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to an NC man arrested when he tried to pay bail with counterfeit money Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 30, in 1803 The U.S. purchased the Louisiana Territory from France for $15 million. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) There's a difference between a philosophy and a bumper sticker. --- Charles M. Schulz (1922 - 2000) "The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it." --- Franklin P. Jones _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Women hate self-service gas stations. The service is always so poor ... and slow too.
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family." "Your mother's side or your father's?" Doc asked. "Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family." "Oh, come now," Doc said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?" He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime!" ______________________________________________________ Three old pilots walking on the ramp. The first one says, "Windy, isn't it?" Second one yells in reply, "No, it's Thursday!" Third one hollers back, "So am I. Let's go get a beer!" ______________________________________________________ Taber ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Bailey, 31, Albany, Indiana Indiana REGIONAL Burglar sues homeowner claiming he suffered 'serious and permanent damage' when he was shot in the arm by the resident as he fled the scene A burglar who broke into an Indiana man's garage two years ago has sued the homeowner for shooting him during the incident. David Bailey, now 31, of Albany, Indiana, broke into David McLaughlin's Dunkirk garage on April 21, 2014, authorities said. McLaughlin, now 33, fired gunshots at the intruder as he fled, hitting Bailey in the left arm as he ran through an alley. Bailey's lawsuit, which was filed last week against McLaughlin, asks for 'a monetary award in an amount sufficient to compensate (Bailey) for all damages', according to KSDK. David Bailey (pictured), 31, of Albany, Indiana, broke into David McLaughlin's Dunkirk garage on April 21, 2014 ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Brie RE: Driver Updates Dear Webby Our consultant tried to sell us a program that backs up all the drivers for printers and so on. Do we really need that? Brie Dear Brie I used to back up drivers but found that to be a silly nuisance. Some of them won't install properly unless installed from the CD that came with the device they are for, and some have become obsolete. For example, if you send a printer to the garage sale and get a new one, do you really bother to get rid of the driver for the old one? The same goes for fax programs. Each one that you try and discard leaves behind a driver. That of course leads to a dangerous accumulation of drivers that may or may not interfere with each other or other programs. At best they waste time during start-up, at worst they prevent programs or devices from operating as well as they should. Drivers are easy enough to download from the manufacturers web site, and if you get a CD with a new device, store that in a ziplock bag taped to the side of the computer or desk. That way, if you replace the harddrive or the computer, you got everything handy. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ At 75 Millie still walked down to the park every day, sat on "HER" bench and fed old bread from the old folks home kitchen to the birds. One day she picked up a whole loaf that had gone past it's prime instead of the buns she usually got. Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each bird with joy. She sat there without being noticed by anyone in the rich suburban neighborhood. Then suddenly a man in his early 40's rained on her parade by telling her that she shouldn't throw away good food on a bunch of dumb birds that could find food anywhere when there are a lot of people starving in Africa. She smiled at him and exclaimed:" That is an excellent idea!" Then she handed him the half loaf of bread she still had, and said: "Here, you bring it to them." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Kentucky Style Fried Chicken Found this at "The Cooking Nook". Ingredients 1 whole chicken, cut into pieces 2 - 3 eggs, beaten 3 - 4 Tbsp. oil for frying Coating Mixture: 2 cups flour 4 tsp. paprika 2 1/2 tsp. salt 1/2 - 1 tsp. pepper 1 tsp. poultry seasoning 1 tsp. thyme 1 tsp. oregano 1 tsp. tarragon 1/2 tsp. garlic salt 1/2 t. onion salt 1/2 tsp. celery salt Directions Mix together all the coating ingredients and place in a clean plastic bag. Dip each piece into beaten egg, then into the flour mixture in the bag. Coat the chicken completely with the flour mixture. Place the oil in a skillet and heat. Brown the chicken in oil slowly (225 degrees F, if you are using an electric skillet), uncovered. Cover the skillet and continue to fry at a very low heat until the chicken is fully cooked, approximately 1 hour. Drain well on paper towels. Tips and Variations: This recipe can be prepared using a deep fryer and is actually perfect for the fryer. Follow the directions on your fryer. Make sure your oil is hot before adding the chicken. The chicken shouldn't be greasy when it is cooked in hot oil, but if the oil is cool, it will absorb the grease. By redskin. from Brockville, Ont., Can. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen. He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don't want to have to do what I dun back in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I walked home." ___________________________________________________
mason bee pulling a nail out of a cement block
____________________________________________________ Groan Alert ! From Ms Myrna What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef. __________________________________________________ An uncertain and nervous witness was being cross- examined. The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married?" "Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once." "Whom did you marry?" "Well, a woman." The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman. Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?" The witness said meekly, "MY mother did." ____________________________________________________
25 Cell Phone Towers Disguised to Look Like Something Else

Today on April 30
0030 Jesus of Nazareth was crucified. 
0313 Licinius unified the whole of the eastern empire.
1250 King Louis IX of France was ransomed for one million dollars. 
1803 The U.S. purchased the Louisiana Territory from France 
 for $15 million. 
1849 The republican patriot and guerrilla leader Giuseppe 
 Garabaldi repulsed a French attack on Rome. 
1864 Work began on the Dams along the Red River. The work would 
 allow Union General Nathaniel Banks' troops to sail over the 
 rapids above Alexandria, Louisiana. 
1900 Hawaii was organized as an official U.S. territory. 
1900 Casey Jones was killed while trying to save the runaway 
 train "Cannonball Express." 
1938 Happy Rabbit appeared in the cartoon "Porky's Hare Hunt." 
 This rabbit would later evolve into Bugs Bunny. 
1939 The first railroad car equipped with fluorescent lights 
 was put into service. The train car was known as the 
 "General Pershing Zephyr." 
1943 The British submarine HMS Seraph dropped 'the man who 
 never was,' a dead man the British planted with false 
 invasion plans, into the Mediterranean off the coast 
 of Spain. 
1945 Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun committed suicide. They had 
 been married for one day. One week later Germany surrendered 
 unconditionally. 
1947 The name of Boulder Dam, in Nevada, was changed back 
 to Hoover Dam. 
1964 The FCC ruled that all TV receivers should be equipped to 
 receive both VHF and UHF channels. 
1968 U.S. Marines attacked a division of North Vietnamese in 
 the village of Dai Do. 
1970 U.S. troops invaded Cambodia to disrupt North Vietnamese 
 Army base areas. The announcement by U.S. President Nixon 
 led to widespread protests. 
1972 The North Vietnamese launched an invasion of the South. 
1975 Communist North Vietnamese troops entered the 
 Independence Palace of South Vietnam in Saigon. 11 Marines 
 lifted off of the U.S. Embassy were the last soldiers to 
 evacuate. 
1980 Terrorists seized the Iranian Embassy in London. 
1984 U.S. President Reagan signed cultural and scientific 
 agreements with China. He also signed a tax accord that 
 would make it easier for American companies to operate 
 in China. 
1991 An estimated 125,000 people were killed in a cyclone 
 that hit Bangladesh. 
1998 NATO was expanded to include Poland, Hungary and the 
 Czech Republic. The three nations were formally admitted 
 the following April at NATO's 50th anniversary summit. 
1998 United and Delta airlines announced their alliance that 
 would give them control of 1/3 of all U.S. passenger seats. 
1998 In the U.S., Federal regulators fined a contractor 
 $2.25 million for improper handling of oxygen canisters on 
 ValuJet that crashed in the Florida Everglades in 1996. 
2002 Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf was 
overwhelmingly approved for another five years as 
president. 
2016  smiled.


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How to avoid network Logon hassle 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, April 29
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to an NC man arrested when he tried to pay bail with counterfeit money Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 29, in 1429 Joan of Arc lead Orleans, France, to victory over Britain. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much. --- Donald H. Rumsfeld The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, has been riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector. Finally, the conductor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up: "You've been on for five miles--that'll be 50p, please, and 10p for your suitcase." The Scotsman responds: "I ha'not, I want a ha'penny fare, just got on this vera moment." They begin to argue, and the ticket collector becomes more and more enraged and finally, as the bus is passing over London bridge, he grabs the Scotsman's suitcase, and hurls it out of the bus. It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, "Not only are ya trin' to overcharge me for the ticket -- but now you're gone 'n drowned me boy Jonny."
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During a readiness exerciseBob and Jim were guarding the entrance to a bunker-like structure where aircrafts were kept. When a pilot about to do a preflight check approached without his identification in plain view, Jim asked him for it. "I don't see why I have to show you my ID," the pilot snapped. "After all, it is my plane." "Sir, with all due respect, it may be your plane," replied Jim, "but it's sitting in my garage, and if you don't change your attitude right f....riendly now, you will never see it again!" ______________________________________________________ Liz: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests! Doctor: Don't worry about it. You'll pass eventually. Liz: I'm the examiner! ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jarious Treymayne Mock 20 High Point, North Carolina NC man arrested when he tried to pay bail with counterfeit money A 20-year-old High Point man's bail jumped from $200 to $2,000 tonight after authorities added charges that he tried to pay his original bail with counterfeit money. Magistrates said it all started when Jarious Treymayne Mock of 728 Forrest St. walked out of a Greensboro night club, saw nearby police officers and yelled, “Screw the police,” but in a more graphic manner. That got the Greensboro officers’ attention, magistrates said. The officers ran a check on Mock and found he was wanted on a warrant on a charge of failing to appear in court, a charge that normally carries a $200 bail. As he was processed in the Guilford County jail, officers asked him if he’d like to pay his bail with cash in his wallet. He agreed and officers pulled money out of the wallet. Authorities said a $100 bill and a $20 bill from the wallet were both counterfeit. Mock now faces a charge of possession of a counterfeit instrument or currency. He remains in the Guilford County jail. His bail is now $2,000. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Don RE: Network Logon Hassle Dear Webby my day would not be complete with out the Humor Letter, I love it, thanks for sending it to me. I have a problem, I recently sign up for SBC DSL and after installing the software for it, I now receive the following message every time I boot my computer: "Enter your network password for Microsoft Networking", I haven't put in a password because I don't want that message to come up every time the computer is booted. Can you tell me what to do to get rid of the message, so I don't have to click cancel every time I boot? Thank you for your help. Don Dear Don Try this: Click the Start menu, mouse over Settings, then click the control panel. Double-click the Network icon. Under "Primary Network Logon," selected the "Microsoft Network Logon." Depending on your version and set-up, you may have to mouse around a bit there till you find the spot to give the primary network user a name. Any short nickname usually does the trick. After restarting, when the logon window comes up, enter that user name, leave the password blank, and hit Enter. When your computer asks you to confirm that blank password, hit Enter again. After that, you should never see the logon screen again. That blank password trick does not work when the user has not been given a name. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Computer users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert. Novice Users - People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate Users - People who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it. Expert Users - People who press keys on other peoples computers. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycled Drink Bottle for Watering Seeds By ShirleyE [71 Posts, 53 Comments] Seeds and seedlings of course need watering carefully so they don't get battered or washed about. If you don't have a small watering can you can use a drink bottle. Carefully make holes in the lid. This is best done with a drill bit, but if you don't possess a drill you can use pointed scissors. Be very careful if using scissors as they can slip or pierce quite suddenly and injure you. Make sure you use a wooden board and press the scissor point directly downwards. Now you can fill the bottle, replace the lid and use it like a watering can. Do yourself a favor and use a nail to poke the holes. Scissors tend to suddenly close and hurt you. Nails won't do that. By the way, if you don't have a hammer, use a package of frozen ground meat as a hammer, not an expensive shoe! Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A teacher was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled 'p-u-t' or 'p-u-t-t'?" she asked the instructor. "'P-u-t-t' is correct," he replied. "'P-u-t' means to place a thing where you want it. 'P-u-t-t' means a vain attempt to do that." ___________________________________________________
for mother's day
____________________________________________________ Coming out of church, Mrs. Smith asked her husband, "Do you think that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?" "I didn't notice," admitted Mr. Smith. "And that dress Mrs. Davis was wearing," continued Mrs. Smith, "Really, don't tell me you think that's the proper outfit for a mother of two." "I'm afraid I didn't notice that either," said Mr. Smith. "Oh, for heaven's sake," snapped Mrs. Smith. "A lot of good it does you to go to church!" __________________________________________________ Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something his lover said. After marriage, many men fall asleep before their wife finishes talking. ____________________________________________________
A Giant Gallery of Unique Staircase Designs. I would fall through some of these!

Today on April 29
1289 Qala'un, the Sultan of Egypt, captured Tripoli.
1429 Joan of Arc lead Orleans, France, to victory over Britain.
1661 The Chinese Ming dynasty occupied Taiwan.
1672 King Louis XIV of France invaded the Netherlands.
1813 Rubber was patented by J.F. Hummel.
1852 The first edition of Peter Roget's Thesaurus published.
1858 Austrian troops invaded Piedmont.
1862 New Orleans fell to Union forces during the Civil War.
1913 Gideon Sundback patented an all-purpose zipper.
1924 An open revolt broke out in Santa Clara, Cuba.
1927 Construction of the Spirit of St. Louis was 
 completed for Lindbergh.
1945 The German Army in Italy surrendered 
 unconditionally to the Allies.
1945 In a bunker in Berlin, Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun 
 were married. Hitler designated Admiral Karl Doenitz 
 his successor.
1946 Twenty-eight former Japanese leaders were indicted 
 in Tokyo as war criminals.
1974 U.S. President Nixon announced he was releasing 
 edited transcripts of secretly made White House tape 
 recordings related to the Watergate scandal.
1975 The U.S. embassy in Vietnam was evacuated as North 
 Vietnamese forces fought their way into Saigon.
1984 In California, the Diablo Canyon nuclear reactor 
 went online after a long delay due to protests.
1990 The destruction of the Berlin Wall began.
1992 Exxon executive Sidney Reso was kidnapped outside 
 his Morris Township, NJ, home by Arthur Seale. Seale 
 was a former Exxon security official. Reso died while 
 in captivity.
1992 Rioting began after a jury decision to acquit 
 four Los Angeles policemen in the Rodney King beating 
 trial. 54 people were killed in 3 days.
1994 Israel and the PLO signed an agreement in Paris which 
 granted Palestinians broad authority to set taxes, 
 control trade and regulate banks under self-rule in the 
 Gaza Strip and Jericho.
1998 The U.S., Canada and Mexico end tariffs on $1 billion 
 in NAFTA trade.
1998 Brazil announced a plan to protect a large area of 
 Amazon forest. The area was about the size of Colorado.
2009 NATO expelled two Russian diplomats from NATO 
 headquarters in Brussels over a spy scandal in Estonia. 
 Russia's Foreign Ministry criticized the expulsions. 
2016  smiled.


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Adding a wireless machine to a wired W10 network 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, April 28

The fox at the end of the street has 2 young ones this year,
and they were outside the first time today, bouncing around,
chasing bugs and butterflies as if they had not made up their
mind whether they are going to be pups or kittens. I'll take
my camera along on my walk tomorrow evening.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a PA woman, who was arrested after she was found with counterfeit credit cards, fake IDs and erratically driving a $125,000 BMW, that was not hers. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 28, in 1789:A mutiny on the British ship Bounty took place when a rebel crew took the ship and set sail to Pitcairn Island. The mutineers left Captain W. Bligh and 18 sailors adrift. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ I'm not sure I want popular opinion on my side -- I've noticed those with the most opinions often have the fewest facts. --- Bethania McKenstry You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not? --- George Bernard Shaw _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ ==From Jennie Dear Webby, at one time you had some funny description of men and women as if they were chemical elements. Do you still have those and could you run them again? Please and Thank You Jenni=== Here they are: "Periodic Elements" Valuable scientific data. Two proposed new additions to the periodic table (from Chemistry class)elements: Element Name: WOMAN Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (don't even go there) Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen. Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known. Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: (180+/-50) Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol. Usage: Good methane source. Some specimens are able to produce large quantities especially at inappropriate times. Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you a wish, but only one - none of that three wishes jazz, OK?" The man thought for a minute and said, "Well, I have always wanted to go to Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying, and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So, I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii." The genie was taken aback a bit, but after some thought said, "No, I don't think I can do that; think about the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement and steal and concrete that would be needed. I'm sorry, you will have to choose another wish." The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "There is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why do they get upset at us so easily, what are their true desires and needs? What do they mean when they say "Nothing!". Basically what makes them tick?!" The genie stared at him and blinked a couple times. "So, do you want two lanes or four?" ______________________________________________________ An older couple regularly attended church. The pastor was much impressed by how harmonious and how in love they seemed. They always held hands all through the service. One day after church, the pastor couldn't resist going up to them to express his admiration. He said, "I find it so inspirational to see how deeply in love you are, even, after all these years, holding hands like that." The wife looked up sharply and said, "It's not love, Pastor, I'm just keeping him from cracking his knuckles." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Markia Cherise Williams, 19 Willington, Pennsylvania PA woman arrested after she was found with counterfeit credit cards, fake IDs and erratically driving a $125,000 BMW, that was not hers. Connecticut State Police arrested a Pennsylvania woman on identity theft charges after they stopped a 2016 BMW they said may have been purchased fraudulently. Officers arrested Markia Cherise Williams, 19, after police observed her driving erratically on I-84 in Willington Sunday, April 24, 2016 around 4 p.m. When they stopped the BMW X6 M-series, valued at $125,000, they found counterfeit credit cards and numerous fake IDs from Connecticut, Rhode Island and Florida, according to police. Her passenger had no identification. On paper, the car was purchased in New Jersey a week earlier by someone who lived in Virginia – but police believe that person’s identity may have been stolen to finance the luxury car. Police reported finding a slew of credit cards, bills and drivers licenses from several states in her possession. Neither the driver nor the passenger could explain how they ended up in the vehicle or where the registered owner was. Williams was charged with traveling at an unreasonable speed, credit card theft (five counts), credit card counterfeiting (five counts), identity theft (six counts), and forgery (six counts). The male passenger was not charged at the time, but police said they were still investigating. She is held on $15,000 bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Donna RE: Adding a wireless laptop to a wired network Dear Webby ..here's one for you. While I'm pretty well versed with computers in general, as far as networks and sharing goes, I'm a complete moron. My MAIN computer is the desktop here, hardwired into the cable modem. It has all the files on it I need to maintain. My new laptop is wireless and in the living room. Is it possible to set up some"thing" where the laptop can access the files that are on the desktop and update them THERE? Or am I just wishing on a star? Love, Donna UPDATE ============ As luck would have it, all the research I did, all the help and instructions you gave me, (the stonecarvers was going to be my last shot because the button on the modem also controls my TV wireless and a wifi extender)...the answer turned out to be RIDICULOUSLY SIMPLE. While on the phone with Time Warner yesterday with a cable TV related issue, he asked if he could help with anything else, and I jokingly mentioned the networking issue (figuring of course the TV tech support knew nothing of computer issues.) He gave me a password from Time Warner, and told me to start with the LAPTOP, since it was the "alien being" to the modem instead of starting with the desktop, when creating the Home Network. Well, sure enough, I created the Home Network on the Laptop (which gave me a different password) (and yes, the wi fi extender and the wi fi have passwords as well), then I came in HERE to the main computer, the desktop and added IT to the homegroup created by the "alien" laptop, entered the password and VOILA! I even went back to the laptop and successfully accessed files in HERE which was my main objective. So that might be something you want to note for Windoze 10 (which I know you just LOVE)....start with the NEW computer, create the Network, then add the ORIGINAL computer. Thanks for all your help...I LOVE the stonecarvers work. (and as always..hehehe) Love, Donna Dear Donna Thanks for that very valuable information! Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Associated Press, New Orleans, LA Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists have been operating, or planning to, in New Orleans. Louisiana Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 had been detained. The Police Commissioner stated that the terrorists Bin Sleepin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin have been arrested issues. The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the area. However, police are confident that anyone who looks like he's Bin Workin will be very easy to spot in the community. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cranberry Salsa By attosa [197 Posts, 474 Comments] I admit I used to only serve cranberry sauce at Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner because of the bright colour to add a little umph to the plate. Now that I make cranberry salsa, it's all about the amazing sweet, salty, spicy flavour! I get asked for this recipe ALL the time. I hope you enjoy it, too! Approximate Time: 25 minutes Ingredients: 1 pkg (12 oz) fresh or frozen cranberries 1/2 cup sugar 1/2 apple 2 limes 2 Tbsp water 3 green onions 1 jalapeno pepper 1/4 cup chopped cilantro salt and sugar to taste Steps: Empty your cranberries into a saucepan. Transfer 1/2 a cup of them to a bowl. Peel off a couple strips of zest from one of the limes, drop in with cranberries. Add the sugar and water to the pan and cook over low heat. Stir occasionally, cooking for about 10 minutes until the sugar melts and the cranberries are soft. Increase the heat to medium and let the cranberries burst. This takes about 5 minutes. While that's cooking down, peel and chop the 1/2 apple and coarsely chop reserved cranberries. Reduce heat to low and add to the pot. Stir for 2 minutes. Turn off heat and add lime juice. Chop your jalapeno and green onions, add to pot. Season with salt and sugar to taste. Refrigerate until ready to serve. Before serving, add chopped cilantro and mix well. Enjoy! ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Stress Test: If you see two dolphins in this picture, then your stress level is OK. If you see anything else, your stress level is too high and you need some chocolate. ___________________________________________________
The Raven - James Earl Jones
____________________________________________________ Q: What is a wedding tragedy? A: To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no money Q: How do I make my wife stop buying all these gloves? A: Buy her a diamond ring. Q: How can you tell the married men at a wedding reception? A: They're the ones dancing with everyone. __________________________________________________ Two good Catholic boys passed an Episcopalian minister. At the sight of the reversed collar, one of them automatically said, "Hello, Father." The other boy elbowed him in the ribs. "He's not a father, you dummy," said the second youth, "He's married and got three kids!" ____________________________________________________
Beautiful waterfalls around the planet.

Today on April 28
0357:Constantius II visited Rome for the first time.
1282:Villagers in Palermo led a revolt against French rule 
 in Sicily.
1635:Virginia Governor John Harvey was accused of treason 
 and removed from office.
1686:The first volume of Isaac Newton's "Principia
Mathamatic" was published.
1789:A mutiny on the British ship Bounty took place when a 
rebel crew took the ship and set sail to Pitcairn Island. 
The mutineers left Captain W. Bligh and 18 sailors adrift.
1818:U.S. President James Monroe proclaimed naval
disarmament on the Great Lakes and Lake Champlain.
1896:The Addressograph was patented by J.S. Duncan.
1902:A revolution broke out in the Dominican Republic.
1910:First night air flight was performed by Claude 
 Grahame-White in England.
1914:W.H. Carrier patented the design of his air
conditioner.
1916:The British declared martial law throughout Ireland.
1919:The League of Nations was founded.
1920:Azerbaijan joined the USSR.
1932:The yellow fever vaccine for humans was announced.
1937:The first animated-cartoon electric sign was displayed
 on a building on Broadway in New York City. It was created
 by Douglas Leight.
1945:Benito Mussolini and his mistress Clara Petacci were 
 executed by Italian partisans as they attempted to flee 
 the country.
1946:The Allies indicted Tojo with 55 counts of war crimes.
1947:Norwegian anthropologist Thor Heyerdahl and five
 others set out in a balsa wood raft known as Kon Tiki to 
 prove that Peruvian Indians could have settled in Polynesia.
 The trip began in Peru and took 101 days to complete the 
 crossing of the Pacific Ocean.
1952:The U.S. occupation of Japan officially ended when a 
 treaty with the U.S. and 47 other countries went into
 effect.
1953:French troops evacuated northern Laos.
1965:The U.S. Army and Marines invaded the Dominican 
 Republic to evacuate Americans.
1967:Muhammad Ali refused induction into the U.S. Army and 
 was stripped of boxing title. He cited religious grounds 
 for his refusal.
1969:Charles de Gaulle resigned as president of France.
1974:The last Americans were evacuated from Saigon.
1988:In Maui, HI, one flight attendant was killed when the 
 fuselage of a Boeing 737 ripped open in mid-flight.
1989:Mobil announced that they were divesting from South 
 Africa because congressional restrictions were too costly.
1994:Former CIA official Aldrich Ames, who had given U.S. 
 secrets to the Soviet Union and then Russia, pled guilty to 
 espionage and tax evasion. He was sentenced to life in
prison without parole.
1996:U.S. President Clinton gave a 4 1/2 hour videotaped 
 testimony as a defense witness in the criminal trial of his 
 former Whitewater business partners.
1997:A worldwide treaty to ban chemical weapons took
 effect. Russia and other countries such as Iraq and North 
 Korea did not sign.
2001:A Russian rocket launched from Central Asia with the 
 first space tourist aboard. The crew consisted of California
 businessman Dennis Tito and two cosmonauts. The destination
 was the international space station. 
2016  smiled.


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Icon maker 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, April 27


Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 2 arrested after child found in hot car outside Nashville strip club Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 26, in 1296 The Scots were defeated by Edward I at Battle of Dunbar. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need. --- Kahlil Gibran (1883 - 1931) Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier. --- Blore's Razor Since a politician never believes what he says, he is quite surprised to be taken at his word. --- Charles De Gaulle (1890 - 1970) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care." "Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam. Theoretically you should have gotten the hang of it by now. We have to study continuously to keep up to date with new models coming every month from 27 different makers!"
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
>From Roland This morning my neighbor came over and we shot a few lines of bull, and settled the world problems. When I asked him why he never brought his wife with him, his response was: "The last time she got ready to go out with me on the same day, was when the Fire Alarm Went Off." ______________________________________________________ A New York City yuppie moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks. "That's a lot of chicks," commented the proprietor. "I mean business," the city slicker replied. A week later the yuppie was back again. "I need another 100 chicks," he said. "Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming," the man told him. "Yeah," the yuppie replied. "If I can iron out a few problems." "Problems?" asked the proprietor. "Yeah," replied the yuppie, "I think I planted that last batch too close together." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kelsey McMurtry, 24, left, Summer Taylor, 19 Nashville, Tennessee 2 arrested after child found in hot car outside Nashville strip club A mother and her friend are facing charges after her child was found in a hot car outside a Nashville strip club. Police said they found the 9-month-old inside a PT Cruiser outside Deja Vu on Demonbreun Street at 4 p.m. Thursday. The responding officer talked to the mother's friend, Summer Taylor, who said she was helping to keep an eye on the child while her mother was on the stage stripping for an audition. Taylor said she had been coming outside to check on the child, but witnesses said Taylor never left the strip club. Two witnesses told police both women had been inside the strip club for at least 30 minutes before officers responded. According to the affidavit, all the windows in the car were rolled up. Police said the child was wearing a medium to heavy coat and was "drenched in sweat." At the time, temperatures outside were 70 degrees. In the affidavit, police estimated it may have been up to 101 degrees inside the vehicle. The girl was rushed to the hospital and is now in the care of the Tennessee Department of Children's Services. Police said the child's mother, Kelsey McMurtry, lied to them about her name. She reportedly had an outstanding warrant. Both McMurtry and Taylor have been charged with child neglect. McMurtry was also charged with criminal impersonation. Purnima Unni is the Pediatric Trauma Injury Prevention manager at Vanderbilt. She said most of the time parents don’t mean to hurt their children. It is usually an accident. “There is no time that is an acceptable time for a child to be left alone in a car. It’s as simple as that,” Unni said. With warmer temperatures on the way, medical professionals wanted to remind parents to be aware. Last year, 24 children were killed after being left in hot cars. Two have already died this year. “The child’s body temperature rises three to five times faster and higher than an adult,” Unni said. “So 104 degrees, you find the internal organs of the child begin to shut down. And when it’s 107 degrees, we can see near death.” ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Neil RE: Re Carols Automatic email Dear Webby She could make an icon using a selfie or her picture by going to this free converter site. http://www.rw-designer.com/image-to-icon Neil Thanks Neil! Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ On a recent evening my family sat in a darkened theater waiting to see the latest hit movie. As the screen lit up with a flashy ad for the theater's concession stand, we noticed the sound was missing. The unexpected silence continued for several moments. Then out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd demanded, "Okay, who's sitting on the remote?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Corn Dog Recipes By Cindy [111 Comments] This is the recipe my family has been using since the late 1950's. Corny Dogs 1 cup flour 1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder 1/2 teaspoon salt 2 tablespoons sugar 3/4 cup cornmeal 1 egg, well beaten 3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons milk Insert skewers into 8 frankerfurters. Dip franks into cornmeal mixture. Drop into deep fat and fry until golden brown. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Frieda had just finished her fish dinner. She was, however, not at all happy with it, so she called over the waiter and said: "I've sure tasted fresher fish!" "Not in here," replied the waiter. ___________________________________________________
birth to 12 years with a LOT of words
____________________________________________________ Goodman was a moderately successful stockbroker who dreamed of making the big money someday. He took his friend out for a drive, and he chose the route carefully in order to impress on him the possibilities of the brokerage business. "Look at that yacht," he said as they drove slowly past a marina. "That 96' beauty belongs to the senior partner at Merrill Lynch. That one over there 104' is owned by the head of Goldman, Sachs. And look at that huge 210' yacht out there. That's the pride and joy of the top seller at Prudential-Bache." His friend Morris was silent. Goodman turned to look at him and saw a pained look on his face. "What's the matter?" Goodman asked. "That economy rowboat rental down there beside the marina, " Morris said,. "is that for the people they have sold to?" __________________________________________________ The congregation of a small stone church decided that the stone which formed the step up to the front door had become too worn by its years of use, and would have to be replaced. Unfortunately, there were hardly any funds available for the replacement. Then someone came up with the bright idea that the replacement could be postponed for many years by simply turning the block of stone over. They discovered that their great-grandparents had beaten them to it and had already done that once. ____________________________________________________
Fawzia Fuad, Queen of Iran and Princess of Egypt, 1939 was extraordinarily beautiful!

Today on April 26
1296 The Scots were defeated by Edward I at Battle of Dunbar.
1509 Pope Julius II excommunicated the Italian state of Venice.
1521 Portuguese explorer Ferdinand Magellan was killed by 
 natives in the Philippines.
1565 The first Spanish settlement in Philippines was 
 established in Cebu City.
1805 A force led by U.S. Marines captured the city of Derna, 
 on the shores of Tripoli.
1813 Americans under Gen. Pike capture York (present day 
 Toronto) the seat of government in Ontario.
1861 U.S. President Lincoln suspended the writ of habeas 
 corpus.
1861 West Virginia seceded from Virginia after Virginia 
 seceded from the Union during the American Civil War.
1865 In the U.S. the Sultana exploded while carrying 
 2,300 Union POWs. Between 1,400 2,000 were killed.
1880 Francis Clarke and M.G. Foster patented the 
 electrical hearing aid.
1909 The sultan of Turkey, Abdul Hamid II, was overthrown.
1937 German bombers devastated Guernica, Spain.
1938 Geraldine Apponyi married King Zog of Albania. 
 She was the first American woman to become a queen.
1945 The Second Republic was founded in Austria.
1946 The SS African Star was placed in service. 
 It was the first commercial ship to be equipped 
 with radar.
1950 South Africa passed the Group Areas Act, which 
 formally segregated races.
1953 The U.S. offered $50,000 and political asylum 
 to any Communist pilot that delivered a MIG jet.
1965 "Pampers" were patented by R.C. Duncan.
1975 Saigon was encircled by North Vietnamese troops.
1978 Pro-Soviet Marxists seized control of Afghanistan.
1984 In London, Libyan gunmen left the Libyan Embassy 11 
 days after killing a policewoman and wounding 10 others.
1989 Student protestors took over Tiananmen Square in 
 Beijing.
1987 The U.S. Justice Department barred Austrian President 
 Kurt Waldheim from entering the U.S. He was accused of 
 aiding in the deportation and execution of thousands of 
 Jews and others as a German Army officer during WWII, 
 even though he was too young for that.
2005 The A380, the world's largest jetliner, completed 
 its maiden flight. The passenger capability was 840.
2006 In New York, NY, construction began on the 
 1,776-foot Freedom Tower on the site of former 
 World Trade Center. 
2016  smiled.


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Email Automatic 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, April 26


Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Woman with .708 Blood Alcohol in stolen truck arrested in South Dakota Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 26, in 1514 - Copernicus made his first observations of Saturn. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it. --- Tallulah Bankhead _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength. Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying. One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed. With a trembling voice he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope. The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, "Whenever it breaks."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
A burglar needing money to pay his income taxes decided to burgle the safe in a store. On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading, "Please don't use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob." He did so. Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises were floodlighted, and alarms started clanging. As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning, "Can't trust nobody anymore!" ______________________________________________________ At mighty USC pay your fee and get a "B" but at fancy UCLA for that you get an "A" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for an update on her sneaky roses: ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Marguerite Engle, 45, Rapid City, South Dakota Woman with .708 Blood Alcohol in stolen truck arrested in South Dakota The South Dakota woman recorded a mind-boggling .708 blood alcohol content after being arrested earlier this month when a state trooper found her passed out behind the wheel of a stolen truck. Engle's whopping BAC was measured by a Rapid City Police Department chemist who tested a blood sample drawn from Engle. Engle is pictured above in a mug shot taken earlier this year after she was arrested for assaulting a government employee and being intoxicated and disruptive. Engle was named in a two-count South Dakota Magistrate Court indictment charging her with driving under the influence and driving with a BAC beyond the .08 limit. A traffic ticket issued to Engle notes that she "bonded out- hospitalized" after being collared in Sturgis just before noon on December 1. Engle is also facing charges in connection with her possession of the stolen vehicle. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Carol RE: Email Automatic Dear Webby My mother's health is not good and I want her to have the absolute simplest way to page me. She forgets to get off- line and figures the line is busy when she tries to call me and so doesn't even try using her cell phone. Is there a way to make a desktop icon that will start a mail to my pager, with the subject line already filled in? Thanks Carol Dear Carol Yes, there is a way. On her machine go into her browser, click on bookmarks or favorites and find some old and obsolete bookmark. Right-click it and select Properties. Change the name of the bookmark to "ET CALL HOME" or something like that. Then in the URL slot, replace what is there with mailto:cell-email-address@domain.com?subject="CALL MOM" Of course, instead of "cell-email-address@domain.com" you use your actual pager or cellphone email address. Hit OK. Then go into her bookmarks again, find the "ET CALL HOME" bookmark, right-click it, choose SEND TO, and send it to the desktop. That will make a desktop shortcut icon. Find the icon and change the icon picture to one that is different from all the others and easily recognizable, then drag the icon to the top left or right corner where it is easy to find. Clicking that icon will open the mail program, start a new mail, fill in your cellphone or pager email address, fill in the subject line, and all she has to do is click on SEND and your phone will start beeping and show her address and the subject line. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Mary was married to a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework. That, he declared, was woman's work. But one evening Mary arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was going on. It turned out that Charley, her husband, had read a magazine article that suggested working wives would be more romantically inclined if they weren't so tired from having to do all the housework in addition to holding down a full-time job. The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her friends in the office. "How did it work out?" they asked. "Well, it was a great dinner," Mary said. "Charley even cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry and put everything away." "But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know. "It didn't work out," Mary said. "Charley was too tired." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Corn Dog Recipes By Cindy [111 Comments] This is the recipe my family has been using since the late 1950's. Corny Dogs 1 cup flour 1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder 1/2 teaspoon salt 2 tablespoons sugar 3/4 cup cornmeal 1 egg, well beaten 3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons milk Insert skewers into 8 frankerfurters. Dip franks into cornmeal mixture. Drop into deep fat and fry until golden brown. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ The following is a quote from a director of sports information in the Navy, regarding the theft of some mascots from the Naval Academy by Army rivals: "We knew Army cadets were involved because they cut through two fences to get to the goats, and 15 feet away there was an unlocked gate." ___________________________________________________
Glen Campbell - WilliamTell Overture - Hi Ho Silver!
____________________________________________________ Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, generally 35 children are enough. Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes school. Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving? A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant. Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A: When the kids have moved out. __________________________________________________ The fireman had rushed into a burning building and rescued a beautiful young lady who was clad only in the top half of her baby-doll nightgown. Even though she was not injured, he carried her in his arms down three flights of stairs. As they arrived safely outside the building, she looked at him with great admiration and said, "Oh, you are wonderful. It must have taken great strength and courage to rescue me the way you did." "Yes it did," the fireman admitted. "I had to fight off three other firemen who were trying to get to you." ____________________________________________________
People are awesome! For the month of April 2016.

Today on April 26
1478 - Pazzi conspirators attacked Lorenzo and killed 
 Giuliano de'Medici.
1514 - Copernicus made his first observations of Saturn.
1607 - The British established an American colony at Cape Henry, 
 Virginia. It was the first permanent English establishment in 
 the Western Hemisphere.
1865 - John Wilkes Booth was killed by the U.S. Federal Cavalry.
1929 - First non-stop flight from England to India was completed.
1964 - The African nations of Tanganyika and Zanzibar merged 
 to form Tanzania.
1968 - Students seized the administration building at Ohio 
 State University.
1985 - In Argentina, a fire at a mental hospital killed 79 
 people and injured 247.
1986 - The world’s worst nuclear disaster to date occurred 
 at Chernobyl, Ukraine. Thirty-one people died in the incident 
 and thousands more were exposed to radioactive material.
1998 - Auxiliary Bishop Juan Gerardi Conedera was bludgeoned 
 to death two days after a report he'd compiled on atrocities 
 during Guatemala's 36-year civil war was made public.
2000 - Charles Wang and Sanjay Kumar purchased the NHL's 
 New York Islanders.
2002 - In Erfurt, Germany, an expelled student killed 17 
 people at his former school. The student then killed himself. 
2016  smiled.


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Multiple outlet bars 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, April 25

We got the first real rain of the year.
All the brown lawns turned green in a matter of hours,
bushes and trees started showing buds and little leaflets,
and my raspberries made it quite clear which shoots are
live and which ones need to be cut.

I am going to have to invent pruning shears with long
handles at a right angle for operating without bending 
down or crawling on the ground. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Arkansas Pastor turned in by his wife after finding child pornography on their computer. Anthony Waller also raped two girls at the First Ass. Church of God in Jonesboro,Arkansas. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 24, in 1684 A patent was granted for the thimble. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. --- Horace Walpole (1717 - 1797) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ When the spread of the now protected seals and the fishing by foreign fleets made fishing less and less profitable in Newfoundland, Angus and Farley approached the Governemnt with a bid to dig a tunnel to the mainland. They asked for $100,000 each. "Considering equipment and labor costs", the Transport Dept asked them, "how do you propose to do the job for such a pittance?" "It's simple," the Angus replied. "My partner grabs a shovel, goes to the mainland and starts digging. I take another shovel and start digging from here. We dig until we meet -- and you've got a tunnel!" "But what if you never meet?" "Then you've got TWO tunnels for the price of one!"
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
During basic training for the Army Nurse Corps, we were required to spend one week in the field roughing it. It rained the entire week. We arose daily in our swampy tent, took a cold-water beauty bath from our helmets, donned our pistol belts and ponchos, and trudged through the mud to set up field hospitals. Obviously, our personal appearance frequently left much to be desired. The final blow to our feminine pride occurred while we waited in the mess line in the mud and rain. A young private came by with a camera and asked to take our picture. "It will prove to my girl," he said, "that she has NO reason to be jealous!" He lived, barely. ______________________________________________________ A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Anthony proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell." Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Anthony Waller, 39, Jonesboro, Arkansas Wife turns in Pastor after finding child pornography on their computer. Anthony Waller also raped two girls at the First Ass. Church of God in Jonesboro, Arkansas. Arkansas pastor whose wife discovered his horrendous child porn collection will serve two life sentences over the rape of girls at his church Anthony Waller, 39, raped two girls at the First Assembly Church of God in Jonesboro, Arkansas His wife found pornographic images on his computer and told police He was then found to have raped two girls in the bathroom at the church and also in other locations Waller is also facing charges of video voyeurism and child pornography A disgraced Arkansas pastor who was charged with the rape of two girls after his wife discovered his shocking collection of child pornography on their laptop, will serve two life sentences in prison. Anthony Waller, 39, was given no chance of parole after pleading guilty to two counts of rape on Tuesday, according to the Jonesboro Sun. The former children's pastor committed the offences while an employee at the First Assembly of God Church in Jonesboro, Arkansas, about 70 miles north-west of Memphis, Tennessee. The court heard Waller raped the girls in the bathroom of the church and at other locations. In addition to the rape charges, Waller still faces 50 counts of video voyeurism and one count of child pornography. Waller began working at the church in 1999, but his crimes were only discovered when his wife Angela found disturbing images of young girls on a computer they shared. After confronting her husband over what she had found, Mrs Waller handed the images over to police. Police praised the decision of Mrs Waller in what they described as one of the biggest child pornography cases they'd seen. A police detective testified to finding 400,000 images of child pornography and videos of young females inside the church bathroom on an external hard drive of Waller's. The detective says he found holes in the ceiling of the church bathroom and a place for a hidden camera nearby. In 2015, Waller told officers 'he had been addicted to child pornography for over 20 years'. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ramona RE: Multiple outlet bars Dear Webby I needed more electrical outlets for all the gadgets that connect to the laptop, so I got a second plug strip and plugged that into the first one. Everything worked fine, but when a friend of mine saw that, he freaked out and told me I would burn the house down by doing that. Both plug strips have surge protectors and little overload breakers, and the wall socket is also protected with a breaker at the panel. His explanation didn't make sense to me but he was dead serious. Is there anything I don't know about and that I should worry about ? Ramona Dear Ramona Except for your choice of friends, what you are doing is perfectly OK and absolutely nothing to worry about. The power used by all those gadgets doesn't amount to much. Most likely all of them together plus your laptop use less than a quarter of what a hair dryer would use. As long as you don't plug in kitchen appliances, hair dryers and vacuum cleaners like that, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. If you do, you will pop a breaker. However, in a normally wired building, nothing will overheat. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get Mother !" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Corn Dog Recipes By Cindy [111 Comments] This is the recipe my family has been using since the late 1950's. Corny Dogs 1 cup flour 1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder 1/2 teaspoon salt 2 tablespoons sugar 3/4 cup cornmeal 1 egg, well beaten 3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons milk Insert skewers into 8 frankerfurters. Dip franks into cornmeal mixture. Drop into deep fat and fry until golden brown. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Here is a joke that keeps coming back to me: A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat. She thinks to herself, "Here's another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat," so she pushes him back onto the seat. A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is still insulted so she refuses to let him up again. Finally, the man says, "Look, lady, you've got to let me get up. I'm twelve blocks past my stop already." ___________________________________________________
Desert Air. Switch to HD. It is in High Definition
____________________________________________________ That remids me.. At a a crowded and busy bus stop, a woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step, and, once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the top step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screamed, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!" The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends." __________________________________________________ And that reminds me of ANOTHER bus joke: Reverend George had minor surgery after a bad accident and gets on the bus to get back to the rectory. He looks quite bedraggled and more like he had been in a bar fight than being hit by a cab, and is still a bit groggy from the anesthetic. He staggers up the aisle, and sits down next to an elderly woman. She looks Reverend George up and down and screeches at him: "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!" The Reverend George jumps up out of his seat and shouts: "Hold it, driver! I'm on the wrong bus! I don't wanna go where SHE goes!" ____________________________________________________
One of a kind motorcycle.

Today on April 25
1590 The Sultan of Morocco launched his successful attack  
 to capture Timbuktu.
1644 The Ming Chongzhen emperor committed suicide by 
 hanging himself.
1684 A patent was granted for the thimble.
1707 At the Battle of Almansa, Franco-Spanish forces 
 defeated the Anglo-Portugese.
1792 The guillotine was first used to execute highwayman 
 Nicolas J. Pelletier.
1846 The Mexican-American War ignited as a result of disputes 
 over claims to Texas boundaries. The outcome of the war 
 fixed Texas' southern boundary at the Rio Grande River.
1859 Work began on the Suez Canal in Egypt.
1860 The first Japanese diplomats to visit a foreign power 
 reached Washington, DC. They remained in the U.S. capital 
 for several weeks while discussing expansion of trade 
 with the United States.
1862 Union Admiral Farragut occupied New Orleans, LA.
1864 After facing defeat in the Red River Campaign, 
 Union General Nathaniel Bank returned to Alexandria, LA.
1867 Tokyo was opened for foreign trade.
1882 French commander Henri Riviere seized the citadel of 
 Hanoi in Indochina.
1898 The U.S. declared war on Spain. Spain had declared war 
 on the U.S. the day before.
1901 New York became the first state to require license 
 plates for cars. The fee was $1.
1925 General Paul von Hindenburg took office as 
 president of Germany.
1926 In Iran, Reza Kahn was crowned Shah and choose 
 the name "Pehlevi."
1928 A seeing eye dog was used for the first time.
1945 U.S. and Soviet forces met at Torgau, Germany 
 on Elbe River.
1952 After a three-day fight against Chinese Communist 
 Forces, the Gloucestershire Regiment was annihilated 
 on "Gloucester Hill," in Korea.
1957 Operations began at the first experimental sodium 
 nuclear reactor.
1959 St. Lawrence Seaway opened to shipping. The water 
 way connects the Great Lakes and the Atlantic Ocean.
1961 Robert Noyce was granted a patent for the 
 integrated circuit.
1962 The U.S. spacecraft, Ranger, crashed on the Moon.
1971 The country of Bangladesh was established.
1974 Portuguese dictator Antonio Salazar was overthrown 
 in a military coup.
1976 Portugal ratified a constitution. It was first 
 revised on October 30, 1982.
1980 In Iran, a commando mission to rescue hostages was 
 aborted after mechanical problems disabled three of the 
 eight helicopters involved. During the evacuation, a 
 helicopter and a transport plane collided and exploded. 
 Eight U.S. servicemen were killed. The mission was aimed 
 at freeing American hostages that had been taken at the 
 U.S. embassy in Tehran on November 4, 1979. The event 
 took place April 24th Washington, DC, time.
1982 In accordance with Camp David agreements, Israel 
 completed its Sinai withdrawal.
1983 The Pioneer 10 spacecraft crossed Pluto's orbit, 
 speeding on its endless voyage through the Milky Way.
1984 In France, over one million people demonstrated 
 to show they favored the decentralization of education.
1984 David Anthony Kennedy, the son of Robert F. Kennedy, 
 was found dead of a drug overdose in a hotel room.
1987 In Washington, DC, 100,000 people protested the U.S. 
 policy in Central America.
1988 In Israel, John "Ivan the Terrible" Demjanuk was 
 sentenced to death as a Nazi war criminal.
1990 Sandinista rule ended in Nicaragua.
1990 The U.S. Hubble Space Telescope was placed into 
 Earth's orbit. It was released by the space shuttle 
 Discovery.
1992 Islamic forces in Afghanistan took control of most of 
 the capital of Kabul following the collapse of the 
 Communist government.
1996 The main assembly of the Palestine Liberation Organization 
 voted to revoke clauses in its charter that called for an 
 armed struggle to destroy Israel.
1998 U.S. first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton on was questioned 
 by Whitewater prosecutors on videotape about her work as a 
 private lawyer for the failed savings and loan at the center 
 of the investigation.
2003 Winnie Madikizela-Mandela, the anti-apartheid leader and 
 ex-wife of former President Nelson Mandela, was sentenced 
 to four years in prison for her conviction on fraud and theft 
 charges. She was convicted of 43 counts of fraud and 25 of 
 theft of money from a women's political league. 


2016  smiled.


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Cleaning a dirty keyboard 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, April 24

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Texas Youth Pastor Beaten by Witnesses Who Caught Him Sexually Assaulting Kindergartner Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 24, in 1967 The newest Greek regime banned miniskirts. Greeks have never forgiven their government. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner If marriage were outlawed, then only outlaws would have inlaws. --- Socratex _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ I met a man who had been married for 66 years. "Amazing. 66 years!" I said. "What's the secret to such a long, happy marriage?" "Well," he replied, "It's like this. The man makes all the big decisions ... and the woman just makes the little decisions." "Really?" I responded. "Does that really work?" "Oh, yes," he said proudly. "66 years, and so far, not one big decision!"
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
An old blacksmith realized he was soon going to quit working so hard. He picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the boy. "Just do whatever I tell you to do." One day the old blacksmith took a nicely glowing piece of iron out of the forge and with his long metal tongs held it it over the horn of the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard." Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith.... ______________________________________________________ Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this picture The roses are actually behind the hedge, but growing up through the hedge. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Willie Lee Bell Jr., 29 Cedar Hill, Texas Texas Youth Pastor Beaten by Witnesses Who Caught Him Sexually Assaulting Kindergartner Police arrested Willie Lee Bell Jr., 29, a children’s minister at First United Church of Cedar Hill, after he was reportedly caught molesting a 6-year-old. Witnesses beat a Texas youth pastor whom they allegedly caught sexually assaulting a 6-year-old he had lured behind an apartment building. The report did not state how thoroughly the pastor was beat up, but he was not able to limp away when the police finally showed up. Police arrested Willie Lee Bell Jr., 29, a children's minister at First United Methodist Church in Cedar Hill, on Thursday, Fox 4 News reports. According to the news station, Bell's recent arrest was not the first time the youth pastor has been charged with sexual assault. He's currently facing two charges of sexually assaulting little boys at a Dallas apartment in February. The two boys reportedly told police that they were abused behind an apartment complex. The boys said that the man was wearing "church shoes." Despite those charges, Fox 4 reports that Bell continued working around children at the church until his most recent arrest. "It's painful. It's devastating. It's a nightmare," the mom of the most recent alleged victim, who did not want to be iden tified, told the news station. She said that she doesn't know Bell and nor does her family, adding that her son was outside playing when Bell lured him behind an apartment building. Bystanders noticed Bell and the child behind the building and attacked him. Police were called and arrested Bell. "If it wasn't for them, he probably would have done more to my child," the mom said. United Methodist Church of North Texas issued a statement to Fox 4 noting that it had "no knowledge of any criminal acts happening at the church, and that it is cooperating with police." ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ellen RE: Cleaning a keyboard Dear Webby What is the best way to clean a keyboard? My husband's keyboard is starting to look utterly disgusting with everything from pizza to cake permanently attached to it. Thanks Ellen Dear Ellen Whack it upside down on a newspaper covered table or sidewalk to shake crumbs and paperclips and French Fries out. Then take a soft bath sponge and hot soapy water and while somebody holds the keyboard upside down, scrub it thoroughly with the sponge. After that, just let it drip dry in the sun. If you scrubbed hard enough, it will be like new. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A voice on the government building loudspeaker announced: "We will be testing the speaker system to make sure it will work properly in case of emergency." My confidence in this safety precaution faded when the voice added: "If you are unable to hear this announcement, please contact Security." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Custard Layer Cake By April [9 Posts, 74 Comments] A unique cake with a custard center. Easier than it looks. It starts out as basic cake batter and turns into a custard layer cake. Be sure to try the chocolate version too! http://www.thriftyfun.com/Chocolate-Custard-Cake.html Approximate Time: 20 minutes to prep, 1 hour to bake Yield: 9-12 pieces Ingredients: 4 eggs (room temperature) 3/4 cup sugar 8 Tbsp butter, melted 1 tsp vanilla 3/4 cup all purpose flour 2 cups lukewarm milk powdered sugar for dusting top Steps: Line 8 x 8" baking dish with parchment paper. Separate eggs. Beat whites until stiff, set aside. Beat the yolks and sugar until light and fluffy. Add butter and vanilla. Beat 2 mins. Add the cocoa and flour, and mix thoroughly. Slowly add the milk and beat until everything is well blended. Gently fold in the egg whites using a spatula, a third at a time. Repeat until all the whipped egg whites are folded in. You will no longer have large white clumps. Pour batter into baking dish and bake approx. 60 min. until top is lightly golden. Cool to room temperature, and then chill. Dust top with powdered sugar. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A husband reading a newspaper says to his wife, "You know, honey, I think there might be some real merit to what this article says, that the intelligence of a father often proves a stumbling block to the son." "Well, thank heaven," said the wife, "at least our James has nothing standing in his way." ___________________________________________________
Desert Air. Switch to HD. It is in High Definition
____________________________________________________ Father teaching his daughter to drive: "Stop on red, go on green, and slow down when I turn purple." __________________________________________________ Some people must have been put on this world just to amuse! I got this spam today with the subject line: Subject: Get a Diploma from a pretigous University Their hilarious spelling of prestigious makes me wonder in which California trailer court that University is located. The area code is 310, and they don't require any tests, classes books or interviews. Just your credit card info. Judging by the spelling, the teachers of that con artist probably got their diplomas the same way. ____________________________________________________
One of a kind motorcycle.

Today on April 24
1519 Envoys of Montezuma II attended the first Easter mass 
 in Central America.
1547 Charles V's troops defeated the Protestant League of 
 Schmalkalden at the battle of Muhlburg.
1558 Mary, Queen of Scotland, married the French dauphin, 
 Francis.
1805 The U.S. Marines attacked and captured the town of 
 Derna in Tripoli.
1833 A patent was granted for first soda fountain.
1877 Russia declared war on the Ottoman Empire.
1877 In the U.S., federal troops were ordered out of 
 New Orleans. This was the end to the North's post-Civil War 
 rule in the South.
1884 Otto von Bismarck cabled Cape Town that South Africa 
 was now a German colony.
1889 The Edison General Electric Company was organized.
1898 Spain declared war on the U.S., rejecting America's 
 ultimatum for Spain to withdraw from Cuba.
1915 During World War I, the Ottoman Turkish Empire began 
 the mass deportation of Armenians.
1916 Irish nationalists launched the Easter Rebellion against 
cBritish occupation forces. They were overtaken several 
 days later.
1944 The first B-29 arrived in China, over the Hump of the 
 Himalayas.
1961 U.S. President Kennedy accepted "sole responsibility" 
 following Bay of Pigs invasion of Cuba.
1962 MIT sent a TV signal by satellite for the first time.
1967 Soviet astronaut Vladimir Komarov died when his craft 
 crashed with a tangled parachute.
1967 The newest Greek regime banned miniskirts.
1970 The People's Republic of China launched its first satellite.
1973 Albert Sabin reported that herpesviruses were factors in 
 nine kinds of cancer.
1989 Thousands of students began striking in Beijing.
1990 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off from Cape 
 Canaveral, FL. It was carrying the $1.5 billion Hubble 
 Space Telescope.
2016  smiled.


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Showing file name extensions 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, April 22
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Pennsylvania father arrested after 'recklessly' waving gun and killing 4 year old daughter Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 22, in 1500 Portuguese navigator Pedro Alvares Cabral discovered Brazil. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment. --- Willis Player _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely quiet. She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen anything like it before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why are you so well behaved and quiet?" Finally, after much urging, little Sally spoke up and said, "Well, one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you would drop dead."
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Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Doctor: "I see you're over a month late for your appointment. Don't you know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention? What's your excuse?" Patient: "I was just following your orders, Doc." Doctor: "Following my orders? What are you talking about? I gave you no such order." Patient: "You told me to avoid people who irritate me." ______________________________________________________ Maxine reported for her final examination which consisted of Yes / No answers. She took her seat in the examination hall, stared at the question paper, and then in a bit of inspiration, took a quarter out of her purse. She started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet "Yes" for heads and "N" for tails. Within 30 minutes she was all done whereas the rest of the class was still sweating it out. During the last few minutes of the exam period, Maxine frantically started flipping the coin again. The moderator, concerned about what she was doing, stopped by her desk and asked if she was ok. "Oh yes, I'm fine. I finished the exam a half hour ago--but," explaining the frantic coin tossing, "I'm going back thru and checking my answers!" ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Maurice Phillips, 30, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Pennsylvania father arrested after 'recklessly' waving gun and killing 4 year old daughter Authorities allege that a Philadelphia father was "carelessly and recklessly" waving a gun around a bedroom with seven children present when it went off, killing his 4-year-old daughter. Thirty-year-old Maurice Phillips is charged with third-degree murder, involuntary manslaughter, child endangerment and reckless endangerment in Saturday's death of 4-year-old Tahirah Phillips. Homicide division Capt. James Clark said Monday the girl and her six siblings were watching television when Phillips came in and started waving the weapon around. It discharged and hit the girl in the back of the head. Police allege that Phillips then struck his 5-year-old daughter and wiped blood onto her shirt in an apparent effort to shift blame. Police previously believed the girl's 5-year- old sibling was the shooter. Phillips fled but later turned himself in and ultimately confessed. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Barb RE: File name extensions Dear Webby My machine at work shows the extensions of files and I can see for example if a picture is a GIF or a JPG. How do I trick my home machine to do that too? Barb Dear Barb Go into the File Explorer and click on Tools Folder Options View Turn ON the radio button that says: "Show hidden files and folders" Take the ckeckmark OFF "Hide Extensions for known file types" Click OK, and it's done. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A doctor sees an old man merrily walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm and recognizes him as one of his clients whom he had not seen in quite a few years. Half a year later he sees the old man and his young companion at the bank in line ahead of him. The doctor says, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" "Just doing what you told me, Doctor. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful." "I didn't say that... I said, You've got a heart murmur, be careful..." "Too late!", the woman replied, "we like the other version better and got married 3 years ago!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Jar Snow Globe By audrey5682.844 [11 Posts] Here is a cute personalized snow globe you can make with anything you have gotten from other places. This project has simple steps and uses limited supplies. It is a fun way to spice up your desk or dresser. Approximate Time: 15minJar Snow Globe Supplies: glass jar, a canning style works well glue objects of interest glitter Steps: Unscrew the lid from the jar and collect your object. Glue your object onto the lid of the jar. Let object sit until dry. Fill the jar with water. Add colored glitter in the amount wanted. Put the lid on and tip it upside down and your done! ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately she began flirting at him and and flattering him outrageously. Naturally he liked the young ladys attention, but he was taken a bit aback by her fast and ardent pitch. He was utterly amazed when after 30 minutes she seriously proposed marriage. "Look," he said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other." "You're wrong," the young lady declared. "For the past 5 years your paycheck has been automatically deposited to the bank where I work. Just because you prefer to use the ATM machine outside, that doesn't mean I don't know all about you!" ___________________________________________________
Aurora from space
____________________________________________________ An old fellow came into the hospital truly on death's door due to an infected gallbladder. The surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant that his patients be up and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots forming in the leg veins. Once an hour the nurses walked the patient in the hall, a nurses aide on each side with his arms over their sholders. Behind them the floor nurse stomped along, gesticulating with all kinds of fearsome devices and explaining just what kind of enema he would need if he stopped walking. After a week, the patient was ready to go home. His family came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely for what he had done for their father. The surgeon was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told them that it was really a simple operation but that they had been lucky to get him to the hospital in time. "But doctor, you don't understand," his daughter said, "Dad hasn't walked in over five years!" __________________________________________________ A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of red roses. "Tsk Tsk!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help." So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?" "Fishin', sir." "Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?" The old man stood put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of vodka and a fine cigar. His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch today ?" The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!" ____________________________________________________
Model Swims With Sharks On Fashion Shoot

Today on April 22
1500 Portuguese navigator Pedro Alvares Cabral discovered Brazil. 
1509 Henry VIII ascended to the throne of England
1529 Spain and Portugal divided the eastern hemisphere in the 
 Treaty of Saragosa. 
1792 U.S. President George Washington proclaimed American 
 neutrality in the war in Europe. 
1861 Robert E. Lee was named commander of Virginia forces. 
1864 The U.S. Congress passed legislation that allowed the 
 inscription "In God We Trust" to be included on one-cent 
 and two-cent coins. 
1889 At noon, the Oklahoma land rush officially started as 
 thousands of Americans raced for new, unclaimed land. 
1898 The first shot of the Spanish-American war occurred 
 when the USS Nashville captured a Spanish merchant ship. 
1915 At the Second Battle Ypres the Germans became the 
 first country to use poison gas. 
1918 British naval forces attempted to sink block-ships 
 in the German U-boat bases at the Battle of Zeeburgge. 
1930 The U.S., Britain and Japan signed the London Naval 
 Treaty, which regulated submarine warfare and limited 
 shipbuilding. 
1931 James G. Ray landed an autogyro on the lawn of the 
 White House. 
1944 During World War II, the Allies launched a major 
 attack against the Japanese in Hollandia, New Guinea. 
1952 An atomic test conducted in Nevada was the first 
 nuclear explosion shown on live network television. 
1954 The U.S. Senate Army-McCarthy televised hearings began. 
1993 The U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum was dedicated in 
 Washington, DC. 
1997 In Lima, Peru government commandos storm and capture 
 the residence of the Japanese ambassador ending a 126-day 
 hostage crisis. In the rescue 71 hostages were saved. 
 Those killed: one hostage (of a heart attack), two soldiers, 
 and all 14 rebels. 
2002 Filippino President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo ordered a 
 state of emergency in the city of General Santos in 
 response to a series of bombing attacks the day before. 
 The attacks were blamed on Muslim extremists. 
2010 The Boeing X-37 began its first orbital mission. It 
 successfully returned to Earth on December 3, 2010.
2016  smiled.


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Virtual Drive 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, April 21

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Wisconsin man reports car stolen, is arrested for drunk driving for the 4th time. Brian Primm was pulled over for speeding in his own car. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 21, in 753 BC Today is the traditional date of the foundation of Rome. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) The secret of happiness is to make others believe they are the cause of it. --- Al Batt "U.S. educators are reeling from the low math and science test scores of American students. We bombed in history too. Over 90 percent of American students think BC means Before Cable." --- Argus Hamilton _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Hair Cuts Women's version: Woman1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute! Woman2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking? Woman1: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think. Woman2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable, and you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck. Woman1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line. Woman2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier......... Men's version: Man1: Got your ears lowered? Man2: Yeah. Man1: Beer tonight? Man2: Yeah, sure.
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A russian wife shouts at her husband: " Drunkard! I can`t stand it any longer! Why are you constantly drinking vodka?" He replied: "I drink it becausche itsch liquid. If it wasch scholid, I`d chew it." ______________________________________________________ Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked. "Yeah, my mom have one," the other replied. "What's it for?" "It's a cussing machine," the second boy answered. "Every time mom stands on hers she gets really mad." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brian Primm 39, Madison, Wisconsin Wisconsin man reports car stolen, is arrested for drunk driving for the 4th time. Brian Primm was pulled over for speeding in his own car. A Madison man who reported his car stolen was later arrested for his fourth operating while intoxicated offense early Thursday morning. According to a release from the Madison Police Department, an officer spent over six minutes on the phone talking to 39-year-old Brian M. Primm after he had called 911 around 1:00 a.m. to report his car stolen. Primm told the officer that he last saw his car parked in the 100 block of W. Dayton Street. Police said UW-Madison Police officers executed a high- risk traffic stop around 1:40 a.m. near N. Breese Terrace after they spotted Primm's car because they believed the person behind the wheel was a thief. It turned out to be the car's owner, Primm. Primm failed to call police back and let them know he had found his car. When Primm was asked why he had not called back to let authorities know he had found his car, he shrugged his shoulders. Apparently he was too embarassed to admit that it was where he had parked it. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Adamo RE: Virtual drive Dear Webby I read once that there is a way to declare a deep down and difficult to get to folder in Explore as a virtual drive. How is that done in W7 ? Dear Adamo In the days of DOS that would have taken 2 seconds to do. In Windows 7 it's way more work and hassle than it's worth. There is a workaround though. Put your mouse on a free spot on the deskto, right-click, NEW, Shortcut, navigate to that "deep down and difficult to get to" folder, click OK, then give it a short nickname, click OK, and you have a shortcut right from your desktop into an Explorer window pre-set to that location. If you put an e xclamation mark at the front of the name of that shortcut, for example !-in-from-Skype, then it will sort alphabetically on top in Explorer. If you have a number of those and use them for example for sorting ind weeding out music or pictures, you could make a desktop folder and call that "Weeding", and drag all of them into that "Weeding" task folder. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Kids' Science Answers: "The wind is like the air, only pushier." "Rain is called a soft water, the opposite is hard water. I call it hail." "Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the lid on." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Spray Nozzle for Dish Soap Container By KIM HOGGAN [35 Posts, 61 Comments] Here is a way to control how much soap comes out of your dish soap container. Get a sturdy spray nozzle from an old bottle and just screw it on. Make the adjustment as to how stong or soft you want the spray to be. You will save soap, plus it will spray out more evenly over dishes. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Bigamy is against the law, you can't have your Kate and Edith , too! ___________________________________________________
Aurora from space
____________________________________________________ Before our daughter went off to college, our family took a vacation in Colorado. So we flew to Denver and rented a car. We visited the Royal Gorge Bridge, which is more than 1000 feet above the Arkansas River. Walking out onto the bridge, I noticed it swaying in the wind. Then a car went past us, and the wood-plank roadway moved beneath my feet. "I don't think I want to drive the car across this bridge," I finally said. "What are you worried about?" our daughter replied. "It's a rental car." __________________________________________________ Fisherman: "Hey, pal! You've been standing there watching me fish for three hours! Why don't you get a rod and reel and do some fishing yourself?" Onlooker: "No, thanks. I don't have the patience for it." ____________________________________________________
Holy cow!

Today on April 21
753 BC Today is the traditional date of the foundation of Rome. 
43 BC Marcus Antonius was defeated by Octavian near Modena, Italy. 
1526 Mongol Emperor Babur annihilated the Indian Army of 
 Ibrahim Lodi. 
1689 William III and Mary II were crowned joint king and queen 
 of England, Scotland and Ireland. 
1836 General Sam Houston defeated Santa Anna at the Battle of 
 San Jacinto. This battle decided the independence of Texas. 
1856 The Mississippi River was crossed by a rail train for the 
 first time (between Davenport, IA, and Rock Island, IL). 
1892 The first Buffalo was born in Golden Gate Park. 
1898 The Spanish-American War began. 
1914 U.S. Marines occupied Vera Cruz, Mexico. The troops 
 stayed for six months. 
1916 Bill Carlisle, the infamous ‘last train robber,’ 
 robbed a train in Hanna, WY. 
1918 German fighter ace Manfred von Richthofen, "The Red Baron," 
 was shot down and killed during World War I. 
1959 Alf Dean caught a 16-foot, 10-inch white shark that weighed 
 2,664 pounds. At the time it was the largest catch with a rod and reel. 
1960 Brasilia became the capital of Brazil. 
1961 The French army revolted in Algeria. 
1967 In Athens, Army colonels took over the government and 
 installed Constantine Kollias as premier. 
1972 Apollo 16 astronauts John Young and Charles Duke explored 
 the surface of the moon. 
1975 South Vietnam president, Nguyen Van Thieu, resigned, 
 condemning the United States. 
1984 In France, it was announced that doctors had found 
 virus believed to cause AIDS. 
1985 Manuel Ortega proposed a cease-fire for Nicaragua. 
1994 Jackie Parker became the first woman to qualify to fly 
 an F-16 combat plane. 
1998 Astronomers announced in Washington that they had 
 discovered possible signs of a new family of planets 
 orbiting a star 220 light-years away. 
2000 In Sinking Spring, PA, a man chased his estranged 
 girlfriend through town and then forced her car into the 
 path of an oncoming train. The woman and her 3 passengers 
 were killed. 
2000 North Carolina researchers announced that the heart of 
 a 66 million-year-old dinosaur was more like a mammal or 
 bird than that of a reptile. 
2002 In the city of General Santos, 14 people were killed 
 and 69 were injured in a bomb attack on a department store. 
 The attack was blamed on Muslim extremists. 



2016  smiled.


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What happened to Internet Explorer on W10 ? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, April 20

Beautiful full moon out! 
It is still warm out too,  but not as hot as it was in the 
afternoon. My Saskatoon bushes are about to burst into
bloom any day now, and the raspberries are showing tiny 
green leaflets, reminding me to cut the old shoots and 
restring the hay wire to bring in the new shoots, that
decided to shoot up outside the  wire. As soon as I find
my garden snips, or when the UFOs that borrowed them, 
bring them back, I'll do that. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Ohio woman charged with livestreaming rape of teen friend Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 20, in 1879 First Winnebago (horse drawn) was used in a journey from London to Cyprus. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand. --- Leonardo da Vinci (1452 - 1519) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Keep in mind that in Australia this is the hot season. The weather was very hot, so this preacher wanted desperately to take a dive in the nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So, he undressed and got into the water. After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket, which lay on the sandy beach. He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with relief. The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said, "You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds." "Impossible," said the embarrassed preacher, "You really know what I'm thinking?" "Yes," the lady replied, "I know that you think that the bucket you're holding in front of you has a bottom in it."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
"Flight 1234," the control tower advised, "turn right 45 degrees for noise abatement, RIGHT NOW!." "Roger," the pilot responded, "but we're at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir," the radar man replied, "have you ever heard the noise you get when a 727 gooses a 747?" ______________________________________________________ A couple went out for a romantic dinner for Valentines Day. Their teenage daughters said they would fix a dessert and leave it waiting. When they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note that read: "Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn't do!" "Something that THEY would not do.....", the husband mused, "I suppose, we could clean the house." ______________________________________________________ My neighbor's Mt Rainier Cherries bloomed today. The bees were having a feast. There are no flowers yet, not even dandylions. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Marina Lonina, 18, Franklin County, Ohio Ohio woman charged with livestreaming rape of teen friend A 17-year-old was raped by a man with whom she had been drinking and her 18-year-old female friend livestreamed the attack on the social media app Periscope, a prosecutor said Wednesday in announcing a rape and kidnapping indictment. Authorities learned of the assault when an out-of-state friend of the accused woman saw the images, Franklin County Prosecutor Ron O'Brien said. Marina Lonina and Raymond Gates, 29, were charged with rape, kidnapping, sexual battery and pandering sexual matter involving a minor. The rape charge involved intercourse by force and was not related to the 17-year- old's age, O'Brien said. Lonina was also charged with illegal use of a minor in a nudity-oriented material or performance. Lonina and the victim were socializing with Gates at a home in Columbus on Feb. 27 when Gates raped the 17-year-old, O'Brien said. Lonina had also livestreamed pictures of the girl in the nude the night before at Lonina's house, he said. Lonina "categorically denies these charges," said her attorney Josh Bedtelyon. Gates is scheduled for arraignment Friday. Court records don't list an attorney for him who could comment on the charges. They each face up to 40 years in prison, if convicted. O'Brien said the motive for the livestreaming was unclear, but he said alcohol was a factor. Gates, Lonina and the victim had all been drinking, he said. "People need to know and understand that the use of a smartphone to video events can constitute serious felony crimes," O'Brien said. "They should think twice before they use their smartphones to either photograph or video anything that's of a sexual nature." ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ginger RE: What happened to Internet Explorer on W10? Dear Webby What happened to my Internet Explorer? While I was busy using Chrome, it seems to have been replaced by Microsoft Edge. Is it okay to download another copy of Internet Explorer or would that mess things up with this Windows 10 ?? Help! Ginger Dear Ginger Stick with Chrome. It is much more secure than Internet Explorer, and can do everything it can do. Even Microsoft agreed that Internet Explorer is to be retired and forgotten, so they came up with Edge. You CAN use Internet Explorer on W10, but keep in mind, it is not very secure and might attract bad stuff. Just use Chrome and Edge. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ They gave a hoot. "Each evening birdlover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation." Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband." Then it dawned on them. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ajax for Water Spots By ajbblondie1210 [1 Post] My brother parks his car on the street and every night the sprinklers go on. When he wakes up in the morning, he has water spots on the right side of his car. He tried washing his car but the spots would not come off. He also tried Windex, white vinegar, brake cleaner, anything you could think of! Then my mom said, "Hey, try this Ajax!" With a little bit of water, the spots came right off! So the trick is AJAX! Hope this helps. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error. "I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband in a con- ciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right." He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first. "I'm wrong," she said. The last thing he remembers is saying: "You're right!" ___________________________________________________
Piano Juggler
____________________________________________________ The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially the new acquisition was no problem, but one morning I was taking my shower when I heard my wife call out to me from the kitchen. "The garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it." "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower "You can reset it yourself!" "I am scared!" She pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" (Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second." So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statement about how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence. I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. That is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, without respect to my circumstances. Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I took the bait under the sink. At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like kitten claws. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. The sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me out cold. At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk. "What's the matter, cat got your tongue?" If they had only known. __________________________________________________ Mike's parents have four children. Their names are Penny, Dime and Quarter. What is the fourth child's name? ____________________________________________________
Nope, nope, nope, nope! Driving on these roads can be hazardous to your health!

Today on April 20
1139 The Second Lateran Council opened in Rome. 
1534 Jacques Cartier, a French explorer, set sail from 
 St. Malo to explore the North American coastline. 
1653 In England, Oliver Cromwell expelled the Long Parliament 
 for trying to pass the Perpetuation Bill that would have 
 kept Parliament in the hands of only a few members. 
1769 Ottawa Chief Pontiac was murdered by an Illinois 
 Indian in Cahokia. 
1775 American troops began the siege of British-held Boston. 
1792 France declared war on Austria, Prussia, and Sardinia. 
 It was the start of the French Revolutionary wars. 
1809 Napoleon defeated Austria at Battle of Abensberg, 
 Bavaria. 
1832 Hot Springs National Park was established by an act 
 of the U.S. Congress.
1841 In Philadelphia, PA, Edgar Allen Poe's first detective 
 story, "The Murders in the Rue Morgue," was published
1861 Robert E. Lee resigned from U.S. Army. 
1865 Safety matches were first advertised. 
1879 First mobile home (horse drawn) was used in a journey 
 from London to Cyprus. 
1902 Scientists Marie and Pierre Curie isolated the 
 radioactive element radium. 
1916 Sir Roger Casement landed in Ireland to incite rebellion 
 against the British. Casement, a British diplomat, was 
 captured within hours and was hanged for high treason 
 on August 3. 
1919 The Polish Army captured Vilno, Lithuania from the Soviets. 
1940 The First electron microscope was demonstrated by RCA. 
1942 Pierre Laval, the premier of Vichy France, in a radio 
 broadcast, establishes a policy of "true reconciliation 
 with Germany." 
1945 Soviet troops began their attack on Berlin. 
1945 During World War II, Allied forces took control of the 
 German cities of Nuremberg and Stuttgart. 
1951 General MacArthur addressed the joint session of Congress 
 after being relieved by U.S. President Truman. 
1953 Operation Little Switch began in Korea. It was the 
 exchange of sick and wounded prisoners of war. Thirty 
 Americans were freed. 
1953 The Boston marathon was won by Keizo Yamada with a record 
 time of 2:18:51. 
1961 FM stereo broadcasting was approved by the FCC. 
1962 The New Orleans Citizens' Council offered a free one-way 
 ride for blacks to move to northern states. 
1967 U.S. planes bombed Haiphong for first time during the 
 Vietnam War. 
1972 The manned lunar module from Apollo 16 landed on the moon. 
1981 A spokesman for the U.S. Navy announced that the U.S. was 
 accepting full responsibility for the sinking of the Nissho 
 Maru on April 9. 
1984 Britain announced that its administration of Hong Kong 
 would cease in 1997. 
1987 In Argentina, President Raul Alfonsin quelled a military revolt. 
1988 The U.S. Air Forces' Stealth (B-2) bomber was officially unveiled. 
1989 Scientist announced the successful testing of high-definition TV. 
1992 The worlds largest fair, Expo '92, opened in Seville, Spain. 
1998 Kenyan runner Moses Tanui, 32, won the Boston Marathon for the 
second time. He also registered the third fastest time with 2 hours 
7 minutes and 34 seconds. 


2016  smiled.


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How to copy and print pictures from the newsletters 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, April 10

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Georgia man charged with assaulting pregnant wife, cruelty to children Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 19, in 1587 English admiral Sir Francis Drake entered Cadiz harbor and sank the Spanish fleet. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable. --- Socratex _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One lovely morning, Ben and Thomas were out golfing. Ben slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. Ben searches diligently throughout the thick underbrush and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. Ben excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: "Hey Thomas, come here, I got big trouble down here." Thomas comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: "What's the matter Ben?" Ben shouts back in a nervous voice: "Throw me my 7-iron! Looks like you can't get out of here with an 8-iron."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
The minister's little six-year-old girl had been so naughty during the week, that her mother decided to give her the worst kind of punishment. She told her she couldn't go to the Sunday School Picnic on Saturday. When the day came, her mother felt she had been too harsh and changed her mind. When she told the little girl she could go to the picnic, the child's reaction was one of gloom and unhappiness. "What's the matter? I thought you'd be glad to go to the picnic." her mother said. "It's too late!" the little girl said. "I've already prayed for rain!" ______________________________________________________ A physician presented his bill to the attorney representing a deceased person's estate. Each of them knew the other, having tangled quite a few times in court, where the doctor was often called as an "expert witness." The Doctor asked the lawyer if he wanted the bill sworn to. "No," replied the lawyer, "the death of my client is suf- ficient evidence that you attended him professionally." "Be that as it may," replied the doctor, "the fact that you handled his affairs is probably why he couldn't afford to pay this bill on time in the first place." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ryan Paquette, 35, Appling, Georgia. Georgia man charged with assaulting pregnant wife, cruelty to children A Columbia County man turned himself into the Columbia County Sheriff’s Office Sunday afternoon for allegedly abusing his wife. Ryan Paquette, 35, of Appling, allegedly abused his wife for more than a decade, with the latest incident happening on Saturday. Four of the couple’s children were home at the time and the alleged victim is also pregnant. According to an incident report, Ryan Paquette’s wife claims he beat her after he complained she purchased the wrong kind of bread on a sub sandwich she picked up at the grocery store. Paquette is charged with Battery and Cruelty to Children in the Third Degree. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ron RE: Copy pictures from Humor Letter Dear Webby I would like to copy some of the cool pictures you put in your Humor Letter but can't figure out how to print just the pic. without the rest of the letter. When I right click I get a box with "copy" in it but it don't work. Can you help? tx. Ron Dear Ron The COPY IMAGE command just copies the picture into the clipboard memory. Open a graphics program. ANY graphics program, even Windows PAINT will do. When you have it open, Hold CTRL and hit V. That pastes it into the Graphics program. Then you can print the picture with CTRL P. You can also crop the picture to use only a part of it, or edit it. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A group of women were talking together. One woman said, "Our congregation is sometimes down to 30 or 40 on a Sunday." Another said, "That's nothing. Sometimes our congregation is down to six or seven." A maiden lady in her seventies added her bit, "It's so bad in our church now on Sundays that when the minister says 'dearly beloved,' it makes me blush." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ajax for Water Spots By ajbblondie1210 [1 Post] My brother parks his car on the street and every night the sprinklers go on. When he wakes up in the morning, he has water spots on the right side of his car. He tried washing his car but the spots would not come off. He also tried Windex, white vinegar, brake cleaner, anything you could think of! Then my mom said, "Hey, try this Ajax!" With a little bit of water, the spots came right off! So the trick is AJAX! Hope this helps. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Two elderly women were out driving in a large car; both ladies could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was again red, and again they went right through. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention at the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through. At this point she turned to her friend and said, "Mildred! Do you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could get killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Holy Moly! Am I driving?" ___________________________________________________
world class skier
____________________________________________________ >From Linda Only two of my personalities are schizophrenic, but one of them is paranoid and the other one is out to get her. __________________________________________________ Woman cleaning fish at sink to angler husband: "Why can't you be like the rest of the men? They never catch anything." "I can't afford that much beer." ____________________________________________________
Blue is my favorite color!

Today on April 19
1012 Aelfheah was murdered by Danes who had been ravaging 
 the south of England. Aelfhear became the 29th Archbishop 
 of Canterbury in 1005. 
1539 Emperor Charles V reached a truce with German 
 Protestants at Frankfurt, Germany. 
1587 English admiral Sir Francis Drake entered Cadiz harbor 
 and sank the Spanish fleet. 
1689 Residents of Boston ousted their governor, Edmond Andros. 
1713 Holy Roman Emperor Charles VI issued the Pragmatic Sanction, 
 which gave women the rights of succession to Hapsburg possessions. 
1764 The English Parliament banned the American colonies from 
 printing paper money. 
1770 Captain James Cook discovered New South Wales, Australia. 
 Cook originally named the land Point Hicks. 
1775 The American Revolution began as fighting broke out at 
 Lexington, MA. 
1782 The Netherlands recognized the new United States. 
1794 Tadeusz Kosciuszko forced the Russians out of Warsaw. 
1802 The Spanish reopened the New Orleans port to American 
 merchants. 
1861 Thaddeus S. C. Lowe sailed 900 miles in nine hours in 
 a hot air balloon from Cincinnati, OH, to Unionville, SC. 
1861 The Baltimore riots resulted in four Union soldiers and 
 nine civilians killed. 
1861 U.S. President Lincoln ordered a blockade of 
 Confederate ports. 
1892 The Duryea gasoline buggy was introduced in the U.S. 
 by Charles and Frank Duryea. 
1897 The first annual Boston Marathon was held. It was the 
 first of its type in the U.S. 
1927 In China, Hankow communists declared war on 
 Chaing Kai-shek. 
1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt issued a proclamation 
 that removed the U.S. from the gold standard. 
1938 General Francisco Franco declared victory in the Spanish 
 Civil War. 
1943 The Warsaw Ghetto uprising against Nazi rule began. The 
 Jews were able to fight off the Germans for 28 days. 
1951 General Douglas MacArthur gave his "Old Soldiers" speech 
 before the U.S. Congress. In the address General MacArthur 
 said that "Old soldiers never die, they just fade away." 
1951 Shigeki Tanaka won the Boston Marathon. Tanaka had 
 survived the atomic blast at Hiroshima, Japan during WWII. 
1956 Actress Grace Kelly became Princess Grace of Monaco 
 when she married Prince Rainier III of Monaco. The civil 
 ceremony took place on April 18. 
1967 Surveyor 3 landed on the moon and began sending photos 
 back to the U.S. 
1971 Russia launched the Salyut into orbit around Earth. 
 It was the first space station. 
1975 India launched its first satellite with aid from the USSR. 
1981 In Davao, Philippines, thirteen people were killed when 
 members of the New People's Army threw hand grenades into 
 the Roman Catholic cathedral during Easter services. 
1982 The U.S. announced a ban on U.S. tourist and business 
 traval to Cuba. The U.S. charged the Cuban government with 
 subversion in Central America. 
1987 In Phoenix, AZ, skydiver Gregory Robertson went into a 
 200-mph free-fall to save an unconscious colleague 3,500 
 feet from the ground. 
1987 The last California condor known to be in the wild was 
 captured and placed in a breeding program at the San Diego 
 Wild Animal Park.
1989 A gun turret exploded aboard the USS Iowa. 47 sailors 
 were killed. 
1989 A giant asteroid passed within 500,000 miles of Earth. 
1993 The Branch-Davidian’s compound in Waco, TX, burned to 
 the ground. It was the end of a 51-day standoff between 
 the cult and U.S. federal agents. 86 people were killed 
 including 17 children. Nine of the Branch Davidians escaped 
 the fire. 
1994 A Los Angeles jury awarded $3.8 million to Rodney King 
 for violation of his civil rights. 
1995 The Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, OK, 
 was destroyed by a bomb. It was the worst bombing on U.S. 
 territory. 168 people were killed including 19 children, 
 and 500 were injured. Timothy McVeigh was found guilty of 
 the bombing on June 2, 1997. 
1998 Wang Dan, a leader of 1989 Tienanmen Square pro 
 democracy protests, was freed by the Chinese government. 
2000 In the Philippines, Air Philippines GAP 541 crashed 
 while preparing to land. 131 people were killed. 
2002 The USS Cole was relaunched. In Yemen, 17 sailors were 
 killed when the ship was attacked by terrorists on October 
 12, 2000. The attack was blamed on Osama bin Laden's 
 Al-Qaida network. 
2016  smiled.


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How to stop saving pictures in PNG format 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, April 18

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Mesa man arrested for bestiality and for exploiting minors Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 18, in 1521 Martin Luther confronted the emperor Charles V in the Diet of Worms and refused to retract his views that led to his excommunication. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers. --- Alfred Lord Tennyson (1809 - 1892) I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) Man's best possession is a sympathetic wife. -- Euripides (484 BC - 406 BC) (or to belong to a sympathetic wife) Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will. --John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ After four years of separation, my wife and I finally divorced amicably. I wanted to date again, but I had no idea of how to start, so I decided to look in the personals column of the local newspaper. After reading through all the listings, I circled three that seemed possible in terms of age and interest, but I put off calling them. Two days later, there was a message on my answering machine from my ex-wife. "I came over to your house to borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in the paper. Don't call the one in the second column. That's my ad. and don't call the one in the fourth column. That is my mother's ad."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
A golfer's drive lands on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decides to hit it where it lies. He gives a mighty swing. A cloud of dirt and sand and ants explodes from the end of his club, but the golf ball remains in the same spot. So he lines up and tries another shot. A cloud of dirt and sand and ants goes flying again. The golf ball doesn't even wiggle. Two ants survive. One dazed ant says to the other, "Whoa. What are we going to do?" Says the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball. ______________________________________________________ Sherry and Barbie got together on a regular basis, and they usually discussed families or local gossip. One day they decided to change things a bit, and discuss important political issues; the Middle East, Afghanistan, North Korea, etc. Barbie said, "But what about Red China?" Sherry responded, "Fantastic... it looks especially good on a white tablecloth!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Aaron Thomas Usery, 21, Mesa, Arizona Mesa man arrested for bestiality, exploiting minors Mesa police arrested a 21-year-old man Tuesday after investigators said he was involved in a sexual relationship with a pair of 12-year-old Kansas girls and had engaged in sexual activity with a dog, according to court records. Police said Aaron Thomas Usery was arrested on suspicion of sexual exploitation of a minor and bestiality after police found messages and videos on his computer and phone. Police said Usery met the girls on an art-sharing website and went by the name "Zel the Wolf," documents reported. The relationship started in September 2014 and ended in February 2015, according to court records. Mesa police said investigators from Overland Park, Kansas, reported the relationship after the mother of one of the girls told police about the relationship. Investigators found nude pictures and videos on both Usery's and the girls' phones, including a video of Usery engaging in bestiality with the family dog, according to court records. According to reports, the relationship started friendly then gradually turned sexual as Usery and the girls used Skype and Google Hangouts to keep in touch. In the messages, police said Usery admitted that he knew the relationship was wrong but that he continued doing it. Usery was being held on a $25,000 bond and is scheduled to appear at Maricopa County Superior Court on April 20. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Kay RE: Computer saves pictures in PNG format Dear Webby I would like to thank you for all of your previous help. I have a question about saving pictures that are sent to me in my email. Always before when I would save a picture it would save it as a jpg, now when I save a picture it saves it as a PNG (*.png) even though it shows the picture as a jpg. Thank you for such a great newsletter and all the help and advice on computer questions. Kay Dear Kay Most graphics programs let you save in a great variety of formats, including PNG. PNG is actually a much better format than JPG, because it does not degrade the picture every time you save it. Usually, whatever format you save something in, is the default format from then on. If you prefer to save pictures in JPG, select that. Usually you can select that in the second line, below the file name line. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A young lady died and went to heaven. St. Peter met her at the gate. He told her, "In order to enter here you must tell me the name of the Lord." The young lady wrinkled her brow and said, "Oh, I do know it, just a minute, let me think. Um -- um -- oh yes, it's Andy!!" St. Peter said, "Andy? ANDY? Where did you ever get THAT name?" "Well, you know, it's in that song -- we sang it all the time in church!" she said defensively. Then she proceeded to sing the song, "Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me ..." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Spice Jar Labels By Amanda Cope [3 Posts, 19 Comments] I have accumulated about 40 spice jars and want to have them displayed on my counter on one of those 3 tier expandable shelves. I want to label them, but my Dymo labels don't stick very well. They do fine on everything else. Any suggestions? Acope You can wash your spice jars in hot dish water. They all have tight fitting caps. If they haven't been washed for twenty years, they will need a bit more effort, but they will come just as clean as your wine glasses. Then anything will stick properly. However, Dymo labels look rather tacky in the kitchen and heat will make them curl up. 2" x 3/4" Avery return address labels look the best, but they have tons of different sizes. To make them washable, spray them with spray varnish after you stick them onto the jars. Since you will need just one sheet of labels, you can give sheets to friends and relatives, and for some even print the labels for them for Christmas. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A baby sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers. ___________________________________________________
moose fighting in the neighborhood
____________________________________________________ Matt went into Doc Steven's office for his annual checkup, and the Doc asked if there was anything unusual he should know about. That left it pretty wide open, so he told the Doc that he found it real strange how his suit must've shrunk just sittin' in his closet, because it didn't fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently. The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sittin' there. You probably just put on a few pounds." "That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single pound since the last time I wore it." "Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of Furniture Disease." "What in the world is Furniture Disease?" Matt asked. "Furniture Disease, Matt, is when you reach that stage in life when your chest starts slidin' down into your drawers." __________________________________________________ >From Donna Every year or so somebody asks you to bring again that one about some guy trying to spell the name of an insurance company to a phone operator. This year, it's me. Can you please bring it again? Thanks Donna Here it is: "Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor." ____________________________________________________
The oldest hotel in the world that was built in 705 AD. It has been owned and operated by the same family for 52 generations, 1,311 years!
Power of puppies

Today on April 18
1521 Martin Luther confronted the emperor Charles V in the 
 Diet of Worms and refused to retract his views that led to 
 his excommunication. 
1676 Sudbury, Massachusetts, was attacked by Indians. 
1818 A regiment of Indians and blacks were defeated at the 
 Battle of Suwann, in Florida, ending the first Seminole War. 
1846 The telegraph ticker was patented by R.E. House 
1847 U.S. troops defeated almost 17,000 Mexican soldiers 
 commanded by Santa Anna at Cerro Gordo. (Mexican-American War) 
1853 The first train in Asia began running from Bombay to Tanna. 
1877 Charles Cros wrote a paper that described the process of 
 recording and reproducing sound. In France, Cros is regarded 
 as the inventor of the phonograph. In the U.S., Thomas Edison 
 gets the credit. 
1895 New York State passed an act that established free 
 public baths. 
1906 San Francisco, CA, was hit with an earthquake. The 
 original death toll was cited at about 700. Later information 
 indicated that the death toll may have been 3 to 4 times 
 the original estimate. 
1910 Walter R. Brookins made the first airplane flight at night. 
1934 The first Laundromat opened in Fort Worth, TX. 
1937 Leon Trotsky called for the overthrow of Soviet leader 
 Josef Stalin. 
1942 James H. Doolittle and his squadron, from the USS Hornet, 
 raided Tokyo and other Japanese cities. 
1942 The Vichy government capitulated to Adolf Hitler and 
 invited Pierre Laval to form a new government in France. 
1943 Traveling in a bomber, Japanese Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto, 
 was shot down by American P-38 fighters. 
1949 The Republic of Ireland was established. 
1950 The first transatlantic jet passenger trip was completed. 
1954 Colonel Gamal Abdel Nasser seized power in Egypt. 
1956 Actress Grace Kelly and Prince Rainier of Monaco were married. 
 The religious ceremony took place April 19. 
1960 The Mutual Broadcasting System was sold to the 3M Company of 
 Minnesota for $1.25 million. 
1978 The U.S. Senate approved the transfer of the Panama Canal to 
 Panama on December 31, 1999. 
1983 The U.S. Embassy in Beirut was blown up by a suicide car-bomber. 
 63 people were killed including 17 Americans. 
1984 Daredevils Mike MacCarthy and Amanda Tucker made a sky dive 
 from the Eiffel Tower. The jump ended safely. 
1985 Ted Turner filed for a hostile takeover of CBS. 
1989 Thousands of Chinese students demanding democracy tried to 
 storm Communist Party headquarters in Beijing. 
1999 Wayne Gretzky (New York Rangers) played his final game 
 in the NHL. He retired as the NHL's all-time leading scorer 
 and holder of 61 individual records. 
2002 Actor Robert Blake and his bodyguard were arrested in 
 connection with the shooting death of Blake's wife about 
 a year before. 
2002 The Amtrack Auto Train derailed in a remote area of 
 north Florida. Four people were killed and 133 were injured. 
2002 The city legislature of Berlin decided to make Marlene 
 Dietrich an honorary citizen. Dietrich had gone to the United 
 States in 1930. She refused to return to Germany after 
 Adolf Hitler came to power. 
2016  smiled.


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Cheap computer desk 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, April 17

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Wisconsin English Teacher Charged With Sexual Assault of a Student Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 17, in 1421 Dikes at Dort Holland break, 100,000 drown More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from a religious conviction. --- Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662) God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago. "Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked. "Not very likely," his wife said. "It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store. With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these." He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop. Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!" The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be ready Thursday," he said calmly.
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he'd dreamed of working since a young boy. He was trying to impress the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Sub School. The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, "Listen, 'sir', it's real simple: If the hatch or a door drips, don't open it." ______________________________________________________ Bill's wife uses curlers in her hair after she washes it. When they were over for a weekend visit, she came into the front room where my office is. I guess I stared at her funny because she said, "I just set my hair." The last thing I remember saying was, "Oh, really? And what time does it go off?" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sara Domres, 29, New Berlin, Wisconsin Wisconsin English Teacher Charged With Sexual Assault of a Student A Wisconsin high school teacher is facing charges of sexual assault following an alleged sexual relationship with a student, including on the night of her husband's bachelor's party. Sara Domres, a 29-year-old former teacher at the New Berlin West High School, was charged last week for sexual assault of a student by school staff following an alleged relationship with a 16-year-old lasting approximately ten months. According to the criminal complaint, the sophomore was in Domres' English class, where they became fast friends, and texted each other frequently, the police report stated. During their relationship, lasting between April 2015 and January 2016, they reportedly exchanged over 1,100 messages. One of the many text messages said, "I love being your baby boo. (heart emoji) run away with me!!! I want you forever," according to the criminal complaint. According to the police statement, the boy was allegedly "a virgin prior to having sexual intercourse" with the teacher. One of the counts she is being charged with was for an encounter in Domres' car in a park-and-ride lot in July, according to the criminal complaint. The boy was 16 at the time. The other count she is being charged with responded to their encounter in a Motel 6, where she had paid for a single bed with cash, and it was discovered that the boy's phone was connected to the WiFi on the same day, authorities said. According to police, a message was sent the night before: "You're extremely attractive to me!!! I can't wait for our night we are doing it no matter what!!!" However, the boy as well as witnesses reportedly told the police that the couple had sex more frequently than the two instances. According to WISN, they even had sex on the night of Domres' now-husband's bachelor party. The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reported that Domres was married in August, in the midst of her relationship with the student. The police report also said that the couple had passed handwritten notes "of a sexual nature" to each other. One of them allegedly read: "I want to do you (smiley face) NOW!!" According to a police report, three juveniles reported the relationship on January 16. Police later uncovered multiple Internet searches from the student's phone from the previous day, the police report stated. One was a Yahoo search for, "how to delete a sent snapchat?" Another was a google search for "what evidence does a judge need to charge a teacher with sexual assault." The school had reportedly discovered the relationship sometime in January and she was immediately let go. Read: Man Raped 17-Year-Old Girl While Her Friend Recorded Attack on Periscope: Prosecutors Domres was released on $1,000 bail following the arrest, on the condition that she has "no contact with victim/witness/and family members, New Berlin West High School, students or staff listed in the Criminal Complaint," the Wisconsin Circuit Court noted on their website. She has pleaded not guilty to the charges, and her next hearing is on May 4. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Maria RE: Cheap computer desk Dear Webby I need a computer desk but they all cost way more than my budget allows. Do you have any ideas that might help me? Thanks Maria Get some bedside nightstands at a second hand store, preferably the type that has a bunch of drawers. Then get an interior door and cut it to fit into the space you have. They are usually hollow and easy to cut. Put that door over your nightstands and your desk is finished. Use it like that for a week or more until you have adjusted and shuffled everything just right before you glue anything down. However, normally the weight of the monitor will hold everything quite nicely and gluing won't be necessary. Use the door with the hole for the lock towards the wall or away from you. It is perfect to bing up power and phone cords. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Heard on a United Express flight during the exit announcement: "Please remove all personal items from the aircraft. Any items left on board can be found at my yard sale next Sunday." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Quick Vetkoek By Benetta [226 Posts, 121 Comments] Vetkoek (fried dough bread) is another well-loved part of our South African food heritage. Whenever we have church bazaars, you can bet your bottom dollar that vetkoek will be sold at one of the food stalls. It can be served with savory mince, or cheese and honey, or cheese and jam. When I was forced to go gluten-free (due to health concerns), it was one of the first recipes that I played around with until I managed to come up with a good gluten- free version. Here goes... Approximate Time: 20 minutes Yield: 6-7 vetkoek, depending on the size Ingredients: 1 cup Health Connection gluten free self-raising cake flour 1/2 cup soda water (carbonated water) 1/4 tsp salt 1 egg cooking oil Steps: Sift together the flour and salt. Add the egg and soda water. Mix all the ingredients together to get a smooth batter. Add enough oil to a pan so that the oil will measure 1cm up the side of the pan. Place over medium-high heat and heat the oil. Drop spoonfuls of batter in the warm oil and fry until golden brown on both sides. Allow to cool down a bit, before serving with mince, or with butter, cheese and honey. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ How often have we heard that television watching can be detrimental? A pastor carried that message one Sunday morning in an impassioned sermon on the evils of TV. "It steals away precious time that could be better spent on other, more worthwhile things," he said. He advised the congregation to do what he and his family had done. "We put our TV away in the closet." "That's right," his wife muttered to the woman next to her, "and it gets awfully crowded in there!" ___________________________________________________
the double date
____________________________________________________ If garbage workers in your community ever go out on strike, you might like to know how a wise New Yorker disposed of his refuse for several days when sanitation workers were on strike. Each day he wrapped his garbage in gift paper. Then he put it in a shopping bag. When he parked his car, he left the bag on the front seat with the window open. When he got back to the car, the garbage had always been collected. __________________________________________________ Martin was known among his friends for the punctuality with which he sent his ex-wife her alimony payment each month. When asked the reason for his haste, he shivered and explained: "I'm afraid that if I should ever fall behind in my payments, she might decide to repossess me." ____________________________________________________
What amazing strength and ability.
Power of puppies

Today on April 17
1421 Dikes at Dort Holland break, 100,000 drown
1492 Christopher Columbus signed a contract with Spain to 
 find a passage to Asia and the Indies.
1521 Martin Luther was excommunicated.
1524 New York Harbor was discovered by Giovanni Verrazano.
1629 Horses were first imported into the colonies by the 
 American Massachusetts Bay Colony.
1808 Bayonne Decree by Napoleon I of France ordered 
 the seizure of U.S. ships.
1810 Pineapple cheese was patented by Lewis M. Norton.
1824 Russia abandoned all North American claims south of 54' 40'.
1860 New Yorkers learned of a new law that required fire 
 escapes to be provided for tenement houses.
1895 China and Japan signed the Treaty of Shimonoseki. 
 It was the end of the first Sino-Japanese War. In the 
 treaty China ceded Taiwan to Japan.
1941 Igor Sikorsky accomplished the first successful 
 helicopter lift-off from water near Stratford, CT.
1946 The last French troops left Syria.
1961 About 1,400 U.S.-supported Cuban exiles invaded Cuba 
 at the Bay of Pigs in an attempt to overthrow Fidel Castro. 
 It was an unsuccessful attack.
1964 Jerrie Mock became first woman to fly an airplane 
 solo around the world.
1964 The Ford Motor Company unveiled its new Mustang model.
1975 Khmer Rouge forces capture the capital of Cambodia, 
 Phnom Penh. It was the end of the five-year war.
1983 In Warsaw, police routed 1,000 Solidarity supporters.
1985 In Lebanon, the cabinet resigned as Shiites took W. Beirut.
1987 In Sri Lanka, Tamil guerrillas killed 122 people 
 in a road ambush.
1989 In Poland, courts gave Solidarity legal status.
1993 A federal jury in Los Angeles convicted two former police
 officers of violating the civil rights of beaten motorist 
 Rodney King. Two other officers were acquitted.
1996 Erik and Lyle Menendez were sentenced to life in prison 
 without parole for killing their parents.
2016  smiled.


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Obnoxious program on new laptop 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, April 16

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Ohio "Fun Mom" Charged With Her 16-Year-Old Son's Heroin Overdose Death. His grandmother has been charged as well. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 16, in 1982 Queen Elizabeth proclaimed Canada's new constitution in effect. The act severed the last colonial links with Britain. Canada was already metric since 1970 and not using the British Imperial units of measurement anymore. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ "Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." --- Robert Heinlein If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in. --- Bradley's Bromide _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ 3 Cajuns and 3 Texans are taking a train to attend a conference. At the station, each Texan buys a ticket, but they notice that only one Cajun buys a ticket. "Don't you-all need tickets?" they ask. "Mais Non," reply the Cajuns, "one is more dan enough, boo." Once they board the train, the Texans take their seats and notice that all 3 Cajuns cram themselves into a toilet. As the conductor passes through the car, he knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door cracks ever so slightly, a hand passes out a ticket, and then the door quickly closes. "Ahhh... very clever" think the Texans. After the conference, the 3 Cajuns and the 3 Texans are again at the train station for the return trip. Since the Texans are now so 'money-wise', they smirk as they only purchase one ticket... but then they notice that the Cajuns don't buy a ticket at all. "How will you-all get back without even a single ticket?" they ask. "Mais, we don need dat, us on de back trip!" say the Cajuns. Once they board the train, the 3 Texans cram themselves into the largest toilet (naturally), and the 3 Cajuns ease into another toilet. As the train begins to move away from the station, one of the Cajuns leaves the toilet and knocks on the door of the Texans' toilet and yells, "Ticket Please."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
A college student with a young child was pleased when her daughter became eligible to attend the day care center at the University. The director of the day care gave the mother a tour of the facilities. To assure herself of the center's high standards, the young mother asked about the curriculum. "Well," said the director, eyes twinkling, "today we are studying the children's favorite philosopher: Play-Doh." ______________________________________________________ A doctor told Mrs. McMurphy to give her husband one pill a day and one drink of whiskey to improve his stamina. A month later, when Mrs. McMurphy came in for another visit, the doctor asked, "How are we doing with the pill and the whiskey?" Mrs. McMurphy answered, "Well, he's a little behind with the pills, but he's about six years ahead with the whiskey." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Heather Frye, 31, Brenda Frye, 52 Green, Ohio "Fun Mom" Charged With Her 16-Year-Old Son's Heroin Overdose Death. His grandmother has been charged too. Heather Frye, 31, and her mother Brenda, 52, are charged with the involuntary manslaughter of Heather's biological son Andrew's death as well as corrupting another with drugs, child endangering, and tampering with evidence, the Akron Beacon Journal reports. The 16-year-old was found facedown dead in a Green, Ohio, Super 8 motel room after partying with the two women. According to the Washington Post, Heather and Brenda were also high on heroin and fentanyl when Andrew died, and it appears they "had a hand in obtaining and disseminating heroin among themselves" at the motel party, Summit County Sheriff Steve Barry said. Two of the women's friends were also partying with them. Andrew was pronounced dead on the scene, and investigators found drug paraphernalia and syringes in the motel room. After she was arrested, Heather told police she wanted to be Andrew's "fun weekend mom," the Cleveland Plain Dealer reports. Heather had not had custody of Andrew since he was 6 months old when she gave him up for adoption to his great-aunt Tammy Smith. When Smith's fiancé died in 2010, Andrew had a hard time coping, Tammy said. He then began seeking out his biological mother's company. Heather, who was in prison three times between 2007 and 2014 for drug-related charges, would visit a few times a year, but "never in a million years did we think she would get him into heroin," Tammy's daughter Julie Andrea said. "We think the only reason he did it was to get her approval." She reportedly told Andrew to shoot up in the bathroom of the motel room because she didn't like watching him use drugs. Should they be convicted, Heather and Brenda face up to 11 years in prison. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Donna RE: Obnoxious program on new laptop Dear Webby OK,so I bit the bullet and bought a new laptop, which of course came with Windoze 10. I'm managing fine with Windoze 10 Pro on my desktop, but the laptop came with Windoze 10 home (no big difference) so of course upon it's arrival I powered it up and started unstalling the JUNK I didn't want on it. There's one program I cannot seem to get rid of, every time I try and uninstall it is says it cannot uninstall it because it's running. If I alt/ctl/delete and bring up Task Manager, it does NOT show. It's called KNCTR and is some dumb phone program and says "click here to activate your free phone. I'm thinking of booting the laptop up in safe mode and trying to delete it that way. Any thoughts oh wise one? Love, Donna :) PS. It is absolutely AMAZING what MalwareBytes finds on an clean, out of the box laptop. ====================== I swear, just writing to you is magical. It was in the "load in startup" commands. You are a true magician! Donna Dear Donna I am glad that worked. Your tip about checking the start-up commands will hopefully help others too! Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ An old man was a witness in a burglary case. The defense lawyer asked Sam, "Did you see my client commit this burglary?" "Yes," said Sam , "I saw him plainly take the goods." The lawyer asks Sam again, "Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?" "Yes" says Sam, "I saw him do it." Then the lawyer asks Sam, "Sam listen, you are 80 years old and your eye sight probably is bad. Just how far can you see at night?" Sam says, "I can see the moon, how far is that"? ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Tomato Paste By Sweezykay [7 Posts, 10 Comments] What is the best way to store tomato paste for future use? Frozen is best but not in the can. Fill ice cube trays with left over tomato paste and freeze. Once frozen, remove from the trays and store in a freezer bag for 2-3 months. This trick works for pasta sauce too. Often just a cube works wonders for a stew that needs "something" to be perfect. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?" "I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests." "I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you prepared spiritually?" "Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey." ___________________________________________________
How did he DO this?
____________________________________________________ A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son replied, "Hmmm, if you had done that too, I would be the son of the president and would have a much faster computer!" __________________________________________________ Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids. ____________________________________________________
The Breathtaking Melissani Cave in Greece
Power of puppies

Today on April 16
0069 Otho committed suicide after being defeated by 
 Vitellius' troops at Bedriacum.
1065 The Norman Robert Guiscard took Bari. Five centuries 
 of Byzantine rule in southern Italy ended.
1705 Queen Anne of England knighted Isaac Newton.
1746 The Duke of Cumberland defeated Bonnie Prince Charlie 
 (and his Jacobites) at the battle of Culloden.
1818 The U.S. Senate ratified Rush-Bagot amendment to form 
 an unarmed U.S.-Canada border.
1854 San Salvador was destroyed by an earthquake.
1905 Andrew Carnegie donated $10,000,000 of personal money 
 to set up the Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement 
 of Teaching.
1912 Harriet Quimby became the first woman to fly across 
 the English Channel.
1917 Vladimir Ilyich Lenin returned to Russia to start 
 Bolshevik Revolution after years of exile.
1922 Annie Oakley shot 100 clay targets in a row, to set 
 a women's record.
1942 The Island of Malta was awarded the George Cross in 
 recognition for heroism under constant German air attack.
1943 In Basel, Switzerland, chemist Albert Hoffman 
 accidently discovered the the hallucinogenic effects of 
 LSD-25 while working on the medicinal value of 
 lysergic acid.
1944 The destroyer USS Laffey survived immense damage from 
 attacks by 22 Japanese aircraft off Okinawa.
1947 The Zoomar lens, invented by Dr. Frank Back, was 
 demonstrated in New York City. It was the first lens 
 to exhibit zooming effects.
1947 In Texas City, TX, the French ship Grandcamp, carrying 
 ammonium nitrate fertilizer, caught fire and blew up. The 
 explosions and resulting fires killed 576 people.
1951 75 people were killed when the British submarine Affray 
 sank in the English Channel.
1968 The Pentagon announced that troops would begin coming 
 home from Vietnam. The Vietnam war became a defeat from home.
1972 Apollo 16 blasted off on a voyage to the moon. It was 
 the fifth manned moon landing.
1975 The Khmer Rouge Rebels won control of Cambodia after 
 five years of civil war. They renamed the country Kampuchea 
 and began a reign of terror.
1982 Queen Elizabeth proclaimed Canada's new constitution 
 in effect. The act severed the last colonial links with Britain.
1983 China shelled the Vietnam border in retaliation for raids.
1983 Brazil detained four Libyan planes en route to Nicaragua 
 after finding weapons, explosives and ammunition on planes.
1987 The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) sternly 
 warned U.S. radio stations to watch the use of indecent 
 language on the airwaves.
1987 The U.S. Patent Office began allowing the patenting of 
 new animals created by genetic engineering.
1992 The House ethics committee listed 303 current and former 
 lawmakers who had overdrawn their House bank accounts.
1995 The European Union and Canada agreed to protect 
 threatened fish stocks in the north Atlantic.
1996 An Italian court found former Prime Minister Bettino 
 Craxi guilty on charges of corruption. He was sentenced to 
 eight years and three months in prison.
1999 Wayne Gretzky announced his retirement from the 
 National Hockey League (NHL).
2002 The U.S. Supreme Court overturned major parts of a 1996 
 child pornography law based on rights to free speech.
2007 In Blacksburg, VA, a student killed 33 people at Virginia 
 Tech before killing himself. 

2016  smiled.


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Moving Eudora with all filters and settings to W8 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, April 15
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a NJ Woman, who set apartment on fire after learning her boyfriend is now gay. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 15, in 1989 In Sheffield, England, 96 people were killed and hundreds were injured at a soccer game at Hillsborough Stadium when a crowd surged into an overcrowded standing area. Ninety-four died on the day of the incident and two more later died from their injuries. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something. --- Wilson Mizner "A couple of months in the laboratory can save a couple of hours in the library." --- Westheimer's Discovery _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ My neighbor is engaged in a major custody battle. His wife doesn't want him... and his mother won't take him back.
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
"Why do the Irish always fight amongst themselves?" "Everybody else is relatively sober by comparison" ______________________________________________________ Cindy said: "I come from a wealthy divorced family. My mom's wealthy, my dad's divorced." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lakishette Williams, 25, Trenton, New Jersey Woman sets apartment on fire after learning her boyfriend is now gay. A woman accused of starting fires in her apartment was burning love letters from her boyfriend after she discovered he was gay and cheating on her, the woman's defense attorney said Friday. Lakishette Williams, 25, appeared for a bail reconsideration hearing Friday - four months after she was charged with aggravated arson for the incident. Police said at the time that they pulled Williams from her apartment on North Gouverneur Avenue and found that she had started fires in two rooms. Prosecutors said Friday that police found evidence of the first fire on a stovetop in the kitchen where they discovered remnants of charred paper on a burner. After investigating the rest of the apartment, they found broken glass and evidence of more burned papers in the living room and an aerosol can nearby, prosecutors said. They added that the building held other apartments, including one that was occupied when Williams lit the fires. Prosecutors believe Williams intended to damage the building. Caroline Turner, an attorney representing Williams, said that the 25-year-old wasn't trying to light the apartment on fire – she was just burning love letters from her boyfriend. Williams had recently discovered online that her boyfriend was gay and in relationships with other men, Turner said. Distraught over her failed relationship, the 25-year-old mother of two decided to get rid of the love letters, Turner said. "She was devastated." ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: David RE: Transfer Eudora to W8 Dear Webby Thanks for the advice on the classic shell for windows 8. Now the next problem. On my old machine in Eudora I have saved a number of emails and set up a number of filters. Is there any way to transfer this info to my new machine short of having to recreate each one individually? Thanks again. David L Dear David Yes, that part is easy. I have done that since Windows 3.1 If your machines are networked, copy the Eudora setup file to the new machine and set it up. That puts it into the registry. Next drag the entire Eudora directory over to the new machine. Make a shortcut for Eudora.exe and drag it to the task bar or the desktop. That's all there is to it. After that Eudora on the new machine will be identical to how it was on the old one, including filters and preferences. If you don't have the Eudora Setup file, come onto Skype. My handle is, of course, dearwebby Then I can slide you version 6.2.5.6 (paid mode) That is the last good version, before they went to 7. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ On vacation a nine-year-old boy and his father were at the pool, where two very attractive women wearing skimpy bikinis were sunning themselves. The father noticed that his son kept staring at the girls and would occasionally glance back at him. He was bracing himself for questions his son might have when they got up to leave. His son watched the girls very closely as they left, then he turned to his father and said, "Dad, can I take that candy bar those girls left behind?" ---------- Times sure have changed ! I would have waited till they were out of sight of my father, then sprinted after them with their candy bar, and I would have gotten a hug, maybe even a kiss. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy Asian Soup By Donna [321 Posts, 336 Comments] A quick and delicious soup using left over chicken, pork, or beef. Much healthier, cheaper and better than any canned soup you can buy. Approximate Time: 20 minutes Yield: 4 servings Ingredients: 1/2 onion, chopped 1 rib celery, chopped 1 carrot, chopped 1 Tbsp olive oil 2 garlic cloves, minced small piece of fresh ginger, minced or sprinkle of dried ginger 2 cups chicken broth 1 1/2 cup water 1 cup leftover chicken, pork or beef 1 Tbsp soy sauce 2 Tbsp lime juice Steps: Chop onion, celery and carrot. I use a Black and Decker mini chopper that I found in a free box at a garage sale and love it! Saves a lot of time and energy. Cook vegetables in a heavy pot in olive oil until tender; about 3 minutes. Add minced garlic and ginger to taste. Add chicken broth and water. Bring to simmer. Add cooked meat to mix and simmer for 10 minutes. Stir in soy sauce and lime juice. Optional: Add noodles or rice if desired. Enjoy! ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ At the company water cooler, bragged about the children's world travels: one son was teaching in Bolivia, another was working in southern Italy, and the daughter was completing a year-long research project in India. One co-worker's quip, however, stopped short. "What is it about you," he asked, "that makes your kids want to get so far away from you?" ___________________________________________________
the piano player
____________________________________________________ The crumbling, old church building needed remodeling, so the preacher made an impassioned appeal, looking directly at the richest may in town. At the end of the message, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1,000." Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. He promptly stood again and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000." Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again and he screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge." He sat down and an even larger chunk of plaster fell, this time hitting him on the head. He stood once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!" This prompted a deacon to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!" __________________________________________________ British bus drivers always like stopping in the biggest puddle on the block, but this one seems to have gotten a bit carried away. ____________________________________________________
We celebrate the heroes of history, why do we not celebrate the heroines of which there are many?
Power of puppies

Today on April 15
1784 The first balloon was flown in Ireland.
1813 U.S. troops under James Wilkinson attacked the Spanish
 held city of Mobile that would be in the future state of 
 Alabama.
1850 The city of San Francisco was incorporated.
1858 At the Battle of Azimghur, the Mexicans defeated 
 Spanish loyalists.
1861 U.S. President Lincoln mobilized the Federal army.
1871 "Wild Bill" Hickok became the marshal of Abilene, Kansas.
1892 The General Electric Company was organized.
1899 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Portland Cement Co
1912 The ocean liner Titanic sank in the North Atlantic 
 after hitting an iceberg the evening before. 1,517 people 
 died and more than 700 people survived.
1917 The British defeated the Germans at the battle of Arras.
1919 British troops killed 400 Indians at Amritsar, India.
1923 Insulin became generally available for people suffering 
 with diabetes.
1940 French and British troops landed at Narvik, Norway.
1948 The Arabs were defeated in the first Jewish-Arab battle.
1952 The first B-52 prototype was tested in the air.
1953 Charlie Chaplin surrendered his U.S. re-entry permit 
 rather than face proceedings by the U.S. Justice Department. 
 Chaplin was accused of sympathizing with Communist groups.
1959 Cuban leader Fidel Castro began a U.S. goodwill tour.
1983 Tokyo Disneyland opened.
1986 U.S. F-111 warplanes attacked Libya in response to the 
 bombing of a discotheque in Berlin on April 5, 1986.
1989 Students in Beijing launched a series of pro democracy 
 protests upon the death of former Communist Party leader 
 Hu Yaobang.
1989 In Sheffield, England, 96 people were killed and hundreds 
 were injured at a soccer game at Hillsborough Stadium when 
 a crowd surged into an overcrowded standing area. Ninety-four 
 died on the day of the incident and two more later died 
 from their injuries.
1994 The World Trade Organization was established.
1998 Pol Pot died at the age of 73. The leader of the Khmer 
 Rouge regime thereby evaded prosecution for the deaths of 
 2 million Cambodians.
1999 In Rawalpindi, Pakistan, a panel of two Lahore High Court 
 judges convicted former Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto and 
 her husband, Asif Ali Zardari, of corruption.
2000 600 anti-IMF (International Monetary Fund) protesters 
 were arrested in Washington, DC, for demonstrating without 
 a permit. 
2016  smiled.


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BASH on Windows 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, April 14

Daniel wrote that he uses the ridiculously expensive
aerosol cans, that cause brain damage and kill people,
in his work restroring old padlocks.

Tiny air compressors that produce up to 300 pounds 
per square inch compressed air for inflating tires
and come with all kinds of fittings, incuding a needle
tip for inflating balls, are $15 - $20. 
Just google for "small air compressors" and take your pick.
Find one sold locally, so that you don't have to pay 
shipping. For $15 - $20 once, you will never have to buy
dangerous cans again.

By the way, the easiest method to get cookie crumbs and dirt
out of keyboards is to lay some newspaper onto the floor, 
and slam the keyboard upside down onto the newspaper.
Do it a few times and teach it a lesson about all those 
typos!

After that just use a sponge moistened with  dish water or
window cleaner, and rub the still upside down keyboard.
Then slam it, still upside down, onto a towel on the floor.

After that is is like new and didn't cost you anything.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Drunk Pennsylvania guy, who made a fake DUI checkpoint, gets charged with DUI Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 14, in 1988 In New York, real estate tycoons Harry and Leona Helmsley were indicted for income tax evasion. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. --- Will Rogers _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An expectant mother was being rushed to the hospital, but didn't quite make it. She gave birth to her baby on the hospital lawn. Later, the father received a bill, listing "Delivery Room Fee: $1500." He wrote the hospital and reminded them the baby was born on the front lawn. A week passed, and a corrected bill arrived: "Greens Fee: $500."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
A golfer who was known for his bad temper walked into the pro shop one day and plunked down big bucks for a new set of Woods. The staff all watched to see what would happen after he used them for the first time - more than half expecting he'd come in and demand his money back. But the next time he came in, he was all smiles. "They're the best clubs I've ever had," he said. "In fact, I've discovered I can throw them at least 10 yards farther than I could my last ones." ______________________________________________________ Dubai Gardens ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Logan Shaulis, 20, Somerset, Pennsylvania Drunk guy makes fake DUI checkpoint, gets charged with DUI A Pennsylvania man set up a fake drunken-driving checkpoint only to be charged with drunken driving himself when real troopers arrived to investigate. The (Somerset) Daily American says 20-year-old Logan Shaulis will be sentenced June 27. He pleaded guilty Thursday to drunken driving, possessing instruments of crime, and impersonating a public servant. Police say Shaulis used a flashing blue light bar, parked diagonally across state Route 601 and set up road flares about 4 a.m. on May 30. A motorist who stopped says Shaulis claimed he was a trooper with the “drug and alcohol division” and demanded to see her identification. When police arrived, Shaulis tried to hand a BB pistol to the car’s passenger, saying he couldn’t get caught with it. Shaulis’ attorney says Shaulis has since completed substance abuse treatment. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ria RE: Linux BASH on Windows? Dear Webby I heard that W10 Now has access to thge Linux Bash shell or will really soon. Is that true? Is it a real Linux/UNIX bash shell, or just a relabled DOS shell? How easy is it to get it, and how reliable is it, compared to real Linux? Ria Dear Ria First, it is not easy to get. You have to sign up for all kinds of stuff and agree, that there won't be any guarantees whatsoever. Microsoft says it COULD work. After that, and joining some insider developers gang, you can download and install it. I would highly recommend that you first save a mirror image of your hard drive onto a spare drive. Eventually most bash commands, that you use on Linux, should work, just like DOS commands work when you go to the command line in Windows with START, cmd. That does not mean you can run Linux programs or Linux versions of programs. For that you need real Linux. If you have a bunch of BASH programs (Linux/UNIX equivalent of DOS bat files), then you can now use those for sorting and weeding out files on Windows 10, just like you do on your Linux machines. By the time they force us to "upgrade" to Windows 15 or 16, Windows will have a version that is just another flavor of Linux, like Linux Ubuntu is a flavor. That has been announced a long time ago. Windows is getting too big and slow because of trying to cope with old versions of software, so they are going to make a clean break some day and possibly split off a professional version, that runs Linux Microsoft. The big problem is that Linux is free, and Microsoft is allergic to that concept. It will be interesting! But not yet. For now you are better off converting your bash files to DOS bat files. DOS is alive and well deep down inside of Windows. I use a bat file that uses xcopy with a bunch of neat switches to do my backup to an external drive. That backup bat file is from Windows 3.1, just has a lot more lines added to it. Xcopy is the DOS equivalent of UNIX rsync, but without the silly authentication rigmarole, and with more switches than rsync has. Yes, sometimes I wish there was a DOS shell for Linux. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Salt Spout Mason Jar By lalala... Don't throw that empty salt container away. You can remove the top with the spout and cut it down to fit inside a mason jar ring! Now you can put all kind of things in the jar and easily pour out the amount you want. For best results dip the cardboard cut-out from the salt box in spar varnish or any good, waterproof varnish. Even spray on varnish works. You will have to wiggle the spout a bit while the varnish is setting up, so that it does not lock. When I was living in the bush in the Yukon I even used pasta sauce jars with screw top caps, marked and poked a hole into the lid and then glued one of my varnished cardboard toppers onto the screw-on cap. No need to buy expensive mason jars for that. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Ole and Lena went to the hospital so Lena could deliver their first baby. As Ole waited in the lobby, the doctor came out to talk to him. The doctor said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you have a normal baby boy. The bad news is that it is a cesarean." Ole started crying, and said, "Vel, I'm glad it is a healthy baby, but being from Minnasohta, I vas kinda hoping it vould be Norvegian. ___________________________________________________
fight for your life - Fed Ex Flight 705 - Intense
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Father Time for this one: At Heathrow Airport, a 300-foot long red carpet stretches out to Air Force One and Mr. Bush strides to a warm but dignified h and shake from Queen Elizabeth II. They ride in a silver 1934 Bentley limousine to the edge of central London where they then board an open 17th century coach pulled by six magnificent white matching horses. They ride toward Buckingham Palace, each looking sideways and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons. So far everything is going well. Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous, earth-rending, eye-smarting blast of flatulence ever heard in the British Empire and so powerful,that it shakes the coach. Uncomfortable, but under control, the two Dignitaries of State do their best to ignore the incident. But, embarrassed, the Queen decides it's impossible to ignore it. "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I'm sure you understand that there are some things not even a Queen can control." Ever the Texas gentleman, the President replies, "Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said something, I would have thought it was one of the horses." __________________________________________________ Short on funds, Lisa decided with some apprehension to let her roommate, a professional dog groomer, give her a haircut. To her relief, she did a terrific job. "It's great!" she said. "But how can I be sure to get the same style the next time I go to the beauty shop?" "Simple," she answered. "Just say you want the top cut like a poodle, the sides like a schnauzer, and the back like a Lhasa apso." ____________________________________________________
Where's my back pack!
Power of puppies

Today on April 14
1775 The first abolitionist society in U.S. was organized 
 in Philadelphia with Ben Franklin as president.
1793 A royalist rebellion in Santo Domingo was crushed by 
 French republican troops.
1860 The first Pony Express rider arrived in San Francisco 
 with mail originating in St. Joseph, MO.
1865 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln was assassinated in 
 Ford's Theater by John Wilkes Booth. He actually died 
 early the next morning.
1894 First public showing of Thomas Edison's kinetoscope 
 took place.
1902 James Cash (J.C.) Penney opened his first retail store 
in Kemmerer, WY. It was called the Golden Rule Store.
1912 The Atlantic passenger liner Titanic, on its maiden 
 voyage hit an iceberg and began to sink. 1,517 people lost 
 their lives and more than 700 survived.
1931 King Alfonso XIII of Spain went into exile and the 
 Spanish Republic was proclaimed.
1946 The civil war between Communists and nationalist 
 resumed in China.
1953 Viet Minh invaded Laos with 40,00 troops.
1956 Ampex Corporation of Redwood City, CA, demonstrated 
 the first commercial magnetic tape recorder for sound 
 and picture.
1981 America's first space shuttle, Columbia, returned 
to Earth after a three-day test flight. The shuttle 
orbited the Earth 36 times during the mission.
1984 The Texas Board of Education began requiring that 
 the state's public school textbooks describe the evolution 
 of human beings as "theory rather than fact".
1986 U.S. President Reagan announced the U.S. air raid on 
 military and terrorist related targets in Libya.
1987 Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev proposed banning all 
 missiles from Europe.
1988 Representatives from the U.S.S.R., Pakistan, Afghanistan 
 and the U.S. signed an agreement that called for the 
 withdrawal of Soviet forces from Afghanistan starting on 
 May 15. The last Soviet troop left Afghanistan on 
 February 15, 1989.
1988 In New York, real estate tycoons Harry and Leona 
 Helmsley were indicted for income tax evasion.
1998 The state of Virginia ignored the requests from the 
 World Court and executed a Paraguayan for the murder of 
 a U.S. woman.
1999 Pakistan test-fired a ballistic missile that was capable 
 of carrying a nuclear warhead and reaching its rival neighbor 
 India.
2002 Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez returned to office two 
 days after being arrested by his country's military.
2008 Delta Air Lines and Northwest Airlines announced they were 
 combining. 
2016  smiled.


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Killed by aerosol duster, that was recommended by morons 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, April 13

Voting is finally working again!
Do you remember how?
Please try to vote!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Naked Fresno man watering his lawn arrested after confronting deputies with 8-inch knife Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 13, in 1598 King Henry IV of France signed the Edict of Nantes which granted political rights to French Protestant Huguenots. 1829 The English Parliament granted freedom of religion to Catholics. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel. --- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets. Someone asked her what the bracelet was for. She replied, "I'm allergic to nuts and raw eggs." The person asked, "Are you allergic to cats?" The girl said, "I don't know.... I don't eat raw cats."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of rum they had received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. When she walked back to Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "Please give us some wisdom before you die." She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said…”Don't sell that cow.” ______________________________________________________ MtRainier-Hood-Adams ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Robert Lopez, 37, Fresno, California Naked man watering his lawn arrested after confronting deputies with 8-inch knife Neighbors called police after seeing a naked man watering his lawn Wednesday evening. When deputies got there they say he was sitting in his yard drinking a beer - yes - still naked. According to a press release, 37-year-old Robert Lopez refused to put on clothes when asked, throwing the glass beer bottle at them. The bottle missed, but Lopez continued threatening the deputy, saying "that he would get a gun and shoot him." With the situation escalating, the deputy called for backup, and got his rifle from the car for protection. Lopez eventually put on a pair of shorts and went inside, coming back out with a knife with an 8-inch blade that he threw at the deputy. Once backup arrived, they used a bean bag round from a shotgun, which hit Lopez, and allowed authorities to place him into custody. Lopez faces felony charges of assault with a deadly weapon on a peace officer, resisting arrest, and a misdemeanor for indecent exposure. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Irene RE: Compressed air cans for cleaning Dear Webby I remember that you always get right irate and obnoxious when some idiot recommends using canned air for cleaning keyboards or computers, or even having it in the house. I was reminded of your tirades when I read that a 36 year old woman in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, died from huffing aerosol keyboard cleaner in the washroom at the local Staples. Dead from huffing aerosol keyboard cleaner There are none of those cans in my house, -I am not stupid-, but maybe it is time to remind the rest of the subscribers to check the garage and basement and toss any cans that might still be lurking. What is actually deadly in it? Irene Dear Irene It definitely is no secret that those aerosol cans designed to blow dirt to harder to reach places are deadly. It never ceases to amaze me that otherwise almost sane people still recommend them. Aside from the fact, that they kill people, they just move dirt to harder to reach places. DUH! Real moron malfunction. Any vacuum cleaner, even a rechargeable car vacuum like you used to get for subscribing to Popular Mechanics or similar magazines, will get rid of dirt and dust and cookie crumbs. Not move it, but get rid of the dirt! The dangerous stuff in the cans is a Tetrafluoroethan gas. It doesn't always kill. Sometimes it just causes brain damage. Major brand car vacuum cleaners like Dirt Devil or ArmorAll or Dust Buster are about $25 - $30. They all work and get rid of dirt and crumbs and dust bunnies. And of course your regular vacuum cleaner with the crevice attachment works even better. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Carole was planning her upcoming wedding and asked to wear her mother's wedding gown. When she tried it on, it was a perfect fit on her petite frame. Suddenly, her mother's eyes filled with tears. Putting an arm around her, Carole lovingly said, "Don't cry, Mom. Remember, you aren't losing a daughter, you're gaining a son." "Oh, forget about that sillinyess!" her mother sobbed. "You know and I know that he is an idiot, but has a steady job and is just barely smart enough not to argue with you or me. That doesn't bother me." "Then what is it, Mom?", Carole pleaded. "Waaaaaaaa! Sob, Sniff! I, I, I used to fit into that gown!", her mother wailed. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Lipstick From Inside a Dryer By nanaskids0611 [1 Post] Lipstick in your dryer is easily removed by using Comet with bleach. I tried so many things and nothing worked, so I took my Comet with beach and started cleaning my dryer and wow it took it all out. It was so easy. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Seen on a tee-shirt: That's enough of that!!! I'm Calling Grandma! ___________________________________________________
German engineering - backhoe climbing a tower
____________________________________________________ Seen in the paper... "Dr. Benjamin Porter visited the school yesterday and lectured on 'Destructive Pests.' A large number were present." __________________________________________________ The principal was ready to teach little Johnny a lesson. He told Johnny to take a seat, he wanted to tell him a story. He said, "Johnny, the other day I decided to go duck hunting, but I only had two shots. So, I fired my first shot and killed two ducks. They were falling out of the sky and fell into a tree, where they hit four squirrels, and killed them. So, the two ducks and four squirrels came falling to the ground where they hit two rabbits and killed them. Just as I was going to gather up my animals, a bear came out and started to get them. Then the weirdest thing happened. A little dog showed up out of nowhere and attacked the bear, so I was able to get all the animals I had killed. Now, little Johnny, you believe that story don't you?" Little Johnny said, "Sure I do, That's my dog and that's the third bear she's got this year!" ____________________________________________________
Where's my back pack!
Power of puppies

Today on April 13
1598 King Henry IV of France signed the Edict of Nantes which 
 granted political rights to French Protestant Huguenots. 
1759 The French defeated the European allies in Battle of Bergen. 
1829 The English Parliament granted freedom of religion to Catholics. 
1849 The Hungarian Republic was proclaimed. 
1860 The first mail was delivered via Pony Express when a westbound 
 rider arrived in Sacremento, CA from St. Joseph, MO. 
1861 After 34 hours of bombardment, the Union-held Fort Sumter 
 surrenders to Confederates. 
1916 The first hybrid seed corn was purchased for 15-cents a 
 bushel by Samuel Ramsay. 
1919 British forces killed hundreds of Indian nationalists in 
 the Amritsar Massacre. 
1933 The first flight over Mount Everest was completed by 
 Lord Clydesdale. 
1941 German troops captured Belgrade, Yugoslavia. 
1945 Vienna fell to Soviet troops. 
1949 Philip S. Hench and associates announced that cortizone 
 was an effective treatment for rheumatoid arthritis. 
1960 The first navigational satellite was launched into Earth's orbit. 
1961 The U.N. General Assembly condemned South Africa due to apartheid. 
1962 In the U.S., major steel companies rescinded announced price 
 increases. The John F. Kennedy administration had been applying 
 pressure against the price increases. 
1970 An oxygen tank exploded on Apollo 13, preventing a planned 
 moon landing. 
1976 The U.S. Federal Reserve introduced $2 bicentennial notes. 
1979 The world's longest doubles ping-pong match ended after 101 hours. 
1984 U.S. President Reagan sent emergency military aid to El Salvador 
 without congressional approval. 
1990 The Soviet Union accepted responsibility for the World War II 
 murders of thousands of imprisoned Polish officers in the Katyn Forest. 
 The Soviets had previously blamed the massacre on the Nazis. 
1998 Dolly, the world's first cloned sheep, gave natural birth to a 
 healthy baby lamb. 
1999 Jack Kervorkian was sentenced in Pontiac, MI, to 10 to 25 
 years in prison for the second-degree murder of Thomas Youk. 
 Youk's assisted suicide was videotaped and shown on "60 Minutes"
2002 Twenty-five Hindus were killed and about 30 were wounded when 
 grenades were thrown by suspected Islamic guerrillas near Jammu-Kashir. 
2002 Venezuela's interim president, Pedro Carmona, resigned a day 
 after taking office. Thousands of protesters had protested 
 over the ousting of president Hugo Chavez. 
2016  smiled.


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Move icon to the task bar 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, April 12

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Virginia auto repair shop robber Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 12, in 1204 The Fourth Crusade sacked Constantinople. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ A person is always startled when he hears himself seriously called an old man for the first time. --- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809 - 1894) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Mother: "How's your history paper coming?" Son: "Well, my history professor suggested that I use the Internet for research and it's been very helpful. Mother: "Really?" Son: "Yes, I checked Effectivepapers.com and they have everything I need to pass."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
A nurse was showing some student nurses through the hospital. "This is the most hazardous section in the hospital for you. The men on this floor are almost well." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dad for this picture: Amarilis ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Thomas Earl Lewis Jr. 28, Newport news, Virginia Virginia auto repair shop robber The suspect involved in a robbery of auto repair shop workers is behind bars. Police say that on Tuesday, Thomas Earl Lewis Jr. left his vehicle at the shop located in the 11000 block of Jefferson Avenue for repairs. Lewis came back to the shop and asked for his vehicle, which was still being worked on. When told his vehicle was not ready, Lewis reportedly became angry and pulled out a handgun. Lewis then robbed two shop workers of their cell phones, car keys and other items. Lewis then left the scene in a silver colored vehicle. The shop workers then called 911. Police located Lewis after noticing the vehicle in the victim’s description at a traffic light. Lewis was arrested and charged with two counts of robbery and two counts of use of a firearm in the commission of a felony. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sharon RE: Move icon to the task bar Dear Webby I am trying out how to put a desktop icon on the taskbar also. On my desktop I have a shortcut icon for "Outlook Express" & would like to also have the icon on the taskbar.I want it on the taskbar and on the desktop too. Thanks, Sharon Dear Sharon Just drag the icon onto the taskbar next to the START button. If you hold down SHIFT while you do that, it will MOVE it, if you hold down CTRL, it will leave the old one and put a copy onto the taskbar. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends and took along a few pictures to show the hostess. She looked at the photos and commented "These are very good! You must have a good camera." He didn't make any comment, but, as he was leaving to go home he said: "That was a really delicious meal! You must have a very good stove." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Soda Can Lantern as Outdoor Decor By KIM HOGGAN [34 Posts, 60 Comments] Approximate Time: 5 minutes Supplies: soda can a little knife battery tea light a hook such as a paper clip Steps: Gather your supplies. Get any soda can and begin to cut about an inch below top of rim. Carefully and slowly cut 9 lines of equal width. Use a pencil, spatula handle, or anything else to seperate the rows. Bend the center of each row. Make one opening a bit bigger to insert the tea light. Once done, using both hands the can should easily bend and spring up and down. Pull the cap up and hang a paper clip or hook. Finally hang wherever you'd like. My spiral wind spinner already had a hole at the end and so I hung it there. Enjoy! :) ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ While a friend and I were visiting Annapolis, we noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand. "What are they doing?" I asked our tour guide. "Each year," he replied with a grin, "The upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard." When we were out of earshot of the freshmen, my friend asked our guide: "So what's the answer?" The guide replied: "One." ___________________________________________________
Dixie with Ella and Elvis
____________________________________________________ A man told his friend, "I haven't been feeling very well, so I visited the doctor yesterday." His friend was concerned and asked, "Did he find out what you had?" "Almost," answered the man. "What do you mean by 'almost'?" asked his friend. "Well," the man continued, "I had $76.50 and he charged me $75.00." ____________________________________________________ A bus of politicians is driving by a farm where a man lives alone. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and crashes into the ditch. The farmer comes out and finding the politicians, buries them. The next day, the police are at the farm questioning the man. "So you buried all the politicians?" asked the police officer. "Were they all dead?" The man answered, "Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie." ____________________________________________________
TWhere's my back pack!
Power of puppies

Today on April 12
1096 Peter the Hermit gathered his army in Cologne. 
1204 The Fourth Crusade sacked Constantinople. 
1606 England adopted the original Union Jack as its flag. 
1782 The British navy won its only naval engagement against 
 the colonists in the American Revolution at the Battle 
 of Saints, off Dominica. 
1799 Phineas Pratt patented the comb cutting machine. 
1811 The first colonists arrived at Cape Disappointment, 
 Washington. 
1833 Charles Gaylor patented the fireproof safe. 
1861 Fort Sumter was shelled by Confederacy, starting 
 America's Civil War. 
1864 Confederate Gen. Nathan Bedford Forrest captured Fort 
 Pillow, in Tennessee and slaughtered the black Union 
 troops there. 
1892 Voters in Lockport, New York, became the first in the 
 U.S. to use voting machines. 
1911 Pierre Prier completed the first non-stop London-Paris 
 flight in three hours and 56 minutes. 
1916 American cavalrymen and Mexican bandit troops clashed 
 at Parrel, Mexico. 
1927 The British Cabinet came out in favor of women 
 voting rights. 
1938 The first U.S. law requiring a medical test for a 
 marriage license was enacted in New York. 
1944 The U.S. Twentieth Air Force was activated to begin 
 the strategic bombing of Japan. 
1945 In New York, the organization of the first eye bank, 
 the Eye Bank for Sight Restoration, was announced. 
1955 The University of Michigan Polio Vaccine Evaluation 
 Center announced that the polio vaccine of Dr. Jonas Salk 
 was "safe, effective and potent." 
1961 Soviet Yuri Alexeyevich Gagarin became first man to 
 orbit the Earth. 
1963 Police used dogs and cattle prods on peaceful civil 
 rights demonstrators in Birmingham, AL. 
1981 The space shuttle Columbia blasted off from Cape 
 Canaveral, FL, on its first test flight. 
1982 The British Navy began enforcing a blockade around 
 the Falkland Islands. 
1984 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Challenger made 
 the first satellite repair in orbit by returning the 
 Solar Max satellite to space. 
1984 Israeli troops stormed a bus that had been hijacked 
 the previous evening by four Arab terrorists. All the 
 passengers were rescued and 2 of the hijackers were killed. 
1985 U.S. Senator Jake Garn of Utah became the first senator 
 to fly in space.
1985 In Spain, an explosion in a restaurant near a U.S. base 
 killed 17 people. 
1985 Federal inspectors declared that four animals of the 
 Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus were not 
 unicorns. They were goats with horns that had been surgically 
 implanted. 
1987 Texaco filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy after it failed to 
 settle a legal dispute with Pennzoil Co. 
1988 Harvard University won a patent for a genetically altered 
 mouse. It was the first patent for a life form. 
1989 In the U.S.S.R, ration cards were issued for the first 
 time since World War II. The ration was prompted by a sugar 
 shortage. 
1993 NATO began enforcing a no-fly zone over Bosnia and 
 Herzegovina. 
2000 More than 1,500 anti-drug agents raided four cities 
 in Colombia and arrested 46 members of the "most 
 powerful" heroin ring. 
2000 Israel's High Court ordered the release of eight 
 Lebanese detainees that had been held for years without 
 a trial. 
2002 It was announced that the South African version of 
 "Sesame Street" would be introducing a character that 
 was HIV-positive. 


2016  smiled.


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Scam phone calls 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, April 8
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


There won't be any newsletters on Saturday, Sunday or Monday.
I have to go to Calgary for injections into my eyeballs 
today.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Floriduh man, who was arrested after he left his own wallet with ID at the scene of an armed robbery. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 8, in 1525 Albert von Brandenburg, the leader of the Teutonic Order, assumes the title "Duke of Prussia" and passed the first laws of the Protestant church, making Prussia a Protestant state. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ No tyranny is so irksome as petty tyranny: the officious demands of policemen, government clerks, and electromechanical gadgets. --- Edward Abbey (1927 - 1989) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A woman went to a computer dating service and said she didn't care about looks, income or background. All she wanted was a man of upright character. Then a man came in and told them the only thing he was seeking in a woman was intelligence. The service matched them together instantly. They both had identical scores on the BS meter.
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
A third grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell "before." He stands up and says, "Before, B-E-P-H-O-R." The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?" Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R." Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, can you spell 'before'?" Little Johnny stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E." "Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?" Little Johnny says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Devonte Levoris Pace, 28, Panama City, Floriduh Floriduh man, who was arrested after he left his own wallet with ID at the scene of an armed robbery. A man accused of robbing two men of their wallets allegedly dropped his own wallet while fleeing the scene, according to arrest records. Devonte Levoris Pace, 28, was arrested Tuesday as a principal to armed robbery and grand theft following the incident. Panama City Police reports allege Pace was one of three men involved in an armed robbery Jan. 16 outside the Watershed, 1118 Bayview Ave. PCPD reported that the trio walked up on two men sitting in a car and pulled a gun on the victims, demanding their money and wallets. The men stole about $600 in cash and then fled on foot, PCPD reported. However, during the getaway, Pace allegedly dropped his own wallet, which contained his Florida ID. He was also allegedly captured on surveillance video, police reported. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Vi Re: Scam calls Dear Webby I got this forward from a cousin and looked to see if it was on the Hoax list. I didn't see it but thought you might know about it. > I received a telephone call last evening from an individual identifying > himself as an AT&T Service technician who was conducting a test on > telephone lines. He stated that to complete the test I should touch > nine(9), zero(0), > the pound sign (#), and then hang up. .... Vi Dear Vi That trick with forwarding the phone works in some areas, but not exactly the same way all across the country. However, REAL phone techs NEVER ask you to do silly stuff like that. They have much easier ways to check your line, without bothering you.. Depending on your mood at the time, there are various ways to respond if somebody asks you to punch ANY numbers on the phone. You could for example tell him that he must have the wrong number because you don't have a phone. Feel free to practise any insults that you remember from your teen years. What the scammers are trying to do is get you to forward the call, on YOUR billing, to some Caribbean or Asian country and then call all day on your bill. By the way, all phone companies recommend that if something like that happens, that you DO NOT punch in any number and immediately afterward dial zero for the operator and tell them all about it. They can trace the last call, and they will send some really big phone techs over there to tune the crook in to phone company policy. They get right miffed when some two-bit crook is trying to give them a bad name. Calling the operator may or may not work with your phone company. You might have to look up their operator's number in the GET A HUMAN link on the right side-menu here. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A deputy stopped a man for speeding in a residential neighborhood. The man begged the deputy not to give him a ticket, saying that he was handling an emergency. The deputy asked if the emergency was life threatening. The man said, "When my wife finds out I got another ticket, it will be." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Soda Can Lantern as Outdoor Decor By KIM HOGGAN [34 Posts, 60 Comments] Approximate Time: 5 minutes Supplies: soda can a little knife battery tea light a hook such as a paper clip Steps: Gather your supplies. Get any soda can and begin to cut about an inch below top of rim. Carefully and slowly cut 9 lines of equal width. Use a pencil, spatula handle, or anything else to seperate the rows. Bend the center of each row. Make one opening a bit bigger to insert the tea light. Once done, using both hands the can should easily bend and spring up and down. Pull the cap up and hang a paper clip or hook. Finally hang wherever you'd like. My spiral wind spinner already had a hole at the end and so I hung it there. Enjoy! :) ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ John brought his new colleague, Peter, home for dinner. As they arrived at the door his wife rushed up, threw her arms around John and kissed him passionately. "My goodness", said Peter, "and how long have you been married?" "22 years", replied John. "You must have a fantastic marriage if your wife greets you like that after all those years." "Don't be fooled! She only does it to make the dog jealous." ___________________________________________________
poor little boy got his head stuck
____________________________________________________ Whenever my aunt went to the doctor, she would complain to me about the long delay she always endured. One day, when my aunt's name was finally called, she was asked to step on the scale. "I need to get your weight today," said the nurse. Without a moment's hesitation, my aunt replied, "One hour and 45 minutes!" ---------- I usually just have a nap and embarrass them into calling me sooner than they do others, who are not napping. ____________________________________________________ >From Glenda After booking my 96 year old aunt on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her needs. The representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my aunt because of her arthritis and impaired vision and absentmindedness.. My apprehension lightened a bit when the woman assured me that everything would be taken care of. I thanked her profusely. "Oh, you're welcome," she replied. I was about to hang up when she cheerfully asked, "And will your aunt need a rental car?" ____________________________________________________
The Entire Alphabet Carved Into Mechanical Pencil Lead
Power of puppies

Today on April 8
1513 Explorer Juan Ponce de Leon claimed Florida for Spain.
1525 Albert von Brandenburg, the leader of the Teutonic Order, 
 assumes the title "Duke of Prussia" and passed the first laws 
 of the Protestant church, making Prussia a Protestant state. 
1832 About 300 American troops of the 6th Infantry left 
 Jefferson Barracks, St. Louis, to confront the Sauk Indians 
 in the Black Hawk War. 
1873 Alfred Paraf patented the first successful oleomargarine. 
1939 Italy invaded Albania. 
1942 The Soviets opened a rail link to the besieged city of Leningrad. 
1952 U.S. President Truman seized steel mills to prevent a nationwide strike. 
1953 The bones of Sitting Bull were moved from North Dakota to South Dakota. 
1962 Bay of Pigs invaders got thirty years imprisonment in Cuba. 
1985 India filed suit against Union Carbide for the Bhopal disaster. 
1985 Phyllis Diller underwent a surgical procedure for permanent eyeliner 
 to eliminate the need for eyelid makeup. 
1986 Clint Eastwood was elected mayor of Carmel, CA. 
1990 In Nepal, King Birendra lifted the 30-year ban on political parties. 
1992 In Britain, the last issue of "Punch Magazine" was published. 
1994 Smoking was banned in the Pentagon and all U.S. military bases. 
2002 Ed McMahon filed a $20 million lawsuit against his insurance company, 
 two insurance adjusters, and several environmental cleanup contractors. 
 The suit alleged breach of contract, negligence and intentional infliction 
 of emotional distress concerning a toxic mold that had spread through 
 McMahon's Beverly Hills home. 
2016  smiled.


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Formatting DVDs 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, April 7

The Ezinefinder is working again!
Got 29 votes. Looks like a lot of steady voters have
retired.
Let's show them that we did not forget how to vote!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Oklahoma Salad bar slob arrested for assaulting off-duty cop Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 7, in 1712 A slave revolt broke out in New York City. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ He who will not reason is a bigot; he who cannot is a fool; and he who dares not is a slave. --- Sir William Drummond The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. --- Arthur C. Clarke _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A young mother paying a visit to a friend and her husband, who was the village doctor. She made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, "I hope, doctor, you don't mind Johnny being in there." "No," said the doctor calmly, "He'll be quiet soon. Those are just different snake poisons."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Linda is from New Jersey, a state where pumping your own gas is prohibited. So when she moved to Florida, she had to get used to to self-serve stations. Linda was embarrassed when she stopped for gas in Orlando and couldn't figure out how to use the pump. Finally she went into the station and confessed to the women behind the counter that she needed help. One said, "Honey, are you a widow, or are you from New Jersey?" ______________________________________________________ Snoqualmie Falls Washington ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lindsay Williams, 29, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma Salad bar slob arrested for assaulting off-duty cop An Oklahoma woman who kept using her bare hands to scoop lettuce from a salad bar bowl allegedly punched an off-duty cop in the face after being told to cease her unsanitary behavior. According to investigators, a female sheriff’s deputy was having lunch Friday afternoon with her two children at Mazzio’s Pizza when she was assaulted by Lindsay Williams, 29. As detailed in an Oklahoma City Police Department report, Deputy Adebola Atoka was “at the salad bar selecting food for her plate” when she spotted Williams using “her bare hands to grab salad out of the salad bowl.” Atoka, cops noted, alerted restaurant staffers, “who changed out the salad.” After the lettuce had been replaced, Williams returned to the salad bar and again dug in with her hands, prompting Atoka to tell her that, “she should not do that.” Williams, police allege, responded by punching Atoka in the face, a blow that knocked the deputy’s glasses off. Seen above, Williams was subsequently arrested for assault and battery. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lee Re: Formatting DVDs Dear Webby I've recently reformated some DVD-r's which I had personal data on. In reformating the computer says all will be lost. Is that absolutely true? I don't want a reuser to gain anything from them. Thanks, Lee Dear Lee Yes, formatting erases everything. For absolute military grade security, put them into the Microwave for 45 seconds and watch the miniature lightning storm. They look quite cute after that and can never be re-used. NOTHING can recover anything after that. They make really cute coasters. When AOL was still sending their CDs around, I exorcised them that way. Those coasters last for many years. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A Sunday-school teacher was trying to explain about saying grace before meals. One of the pupils was the young son of the minister of that church, so she started the discussion by asking him, "Jerry, what does you father say when the family sits down to dinner?" Jerry answered, "He says 'Go easy on the butter, kids -- it's four bucks a pound!'" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Honey Lemon Cake By attosa [191 Posts, 467 Comments] Approximate Time: 50 minutes Yield: 10 servingsHoney Lemon Cake Ingredients: 1 cup all purpose flour 1/4 tsp baking soda 1 tsp baking powder 1/2 tsp salt 1 egg 1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce 1/2 cup honey 1 Tbsp butter or oil 1 Tbsp lemon zest 1/4 cup lemon juice Glaze 3/4 cup powdered sugar 3 tsp lemon juice and some lemon zest Steps: Preheat oven to 350 F and grease a 9 x 9 inch baking pan. Combine egg, applesauce, honey, butter or oil, zest and lemon juice. Whisk thoroughly. Combine flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. Whisk thoroughly. Fold dry ingredients into wet, eliminating all lumps. Pour batter into pan. Bake in 25 to 30 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean. Remove and cool. To make the glaze, combine the powdered sugar, lemon juice and zest. Mix with a clean whisk until it is smooth. Pour over the cooled cake. In this example, I cut my 9 inch cake and half, put a bit of glaze on layer one, then most on the very top. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Father O'Malley answers the phone: "Hello, is this Father O'Malley?" "It is" "This is the IRS. Can you help us?" "I can" "Do you know a Ted Houlihan?" "I do" "Is he a member of your congregation?" "He is" "Did he donate $10,000 to the church?" "He will". ___________________________________________________
Discussing who gets the car tonight :D
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this one: An elderly man went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up." "That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down." ____________________________________________________ A young man walked into the insurance office to purchase coverage for his new motorcycle. Only one question confused him. "Do you have a lien holder on the vehicle?" It has a kickstand," he replied. "Is that the same thing?" ____________________________________________________
An amazing aerial hoop performance on “The World’s Greatest Cabaret” French television show.
Power of puppies

Today on April 7
1712 A slave revolt broke out in New York City. 
1864 The first camel race in America was held in Sacramento, 
 California. 
1922 U.S. Secretary of Interior leased Teapot Dome naval oil 
 reserves in Wyoming. 
1930 The first steel columns were set for the Empire State Building. 
1933 Prohibition ended in the United States. 
1943 British and American armies linked up between Wadi Akarit 
 and El Guettar in North Africa to form a solid line against 
 the German army. 
1945 The Japanese battleship Yamato, the world’s largest 
 battleship, was sunk during the battle for Okinawa. The fleet 
 was headed for a suicide mission. 
1953 IBM unveiled the IBM 701 Electronic Data Processing 
 Machine. It was IBM's first commercially available scientific 
 computer. 
1963 Yugoslavia proclaimed itself a Socialist republic. 
1963 Josip Broz Tito was proclaimed to be the leader of 
 Yugoslavia for life. 
1966 The U.S. recovered a hydrogen bomb it had lost off 
 the coast of Spain. 
1967 Israel reported that they had shot down six Syrian MIGs. 
1969 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously struck down laws 
 prohibiting private possession of obscene material. 
1970 John Wayne won his first and only Oscar for his role 
 in "True Grit." He had been in over 200 films. 
1971 U.S. President Nixon pledged to withdraw 100,000 more 
 men from Vietnam by December. 
1980 The U.S. broke diplomatic relations with Iran and imposed 
 economic sanctions in response to the taking of hostages 
 on November 4, 1979. 
1983 Specialist Story Musgrave and Don Peterson made the first 
 Space Shuttle spacewalk. 
1983 The Chinese government canceled all remaining sports and 
 cultural exchanges with the U.S. for 1983. 
1985 The Soviet Union announced a unilateral freeze on 
 medium-range nuclear missiles. 
1988 Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev agreed to final terms of 
 a Soviet withdrawal from Afghanistan. Soviet troops began 
 leaving on May 16, 1988. 
1988 In Fort Smith, AR, 13 white supremacists were acquitted 
 on charges for plotting to overthrow the U.S. federal government. 
1989 A Soviet submarine carrying nuclear weapons sank in the 
 Norwegian Sea. 
1990 In the U.S., John Poindexter was found guilty of five counts 
 at his Iran-Contra trial. The convictions were later reversed 
 on appeal. 
1998 Mary Bono, the widow of Sonny Bono, won a special election 
 to serve out the remainder of her husband's congressional term. 
1999 Yugoslav authorities sealed off Kosovo's main border crossings 
 to prevent ethnic Albanians from leaving. 
2000 U.S. President Clinton signed the Senior Citizens Freedom 
 to Work Act of 2000. The bill reversed a Depression-era law 
 and allows senior citizens to earn money without losing 
 Social Security retirement benefits. 
2006 The Boeing X-37 conducted its first flight as a test drop 
 at Edwards Air Force Base, CA. 
2009 Former Peruvian President Alberto Fujimori was sentenced 
 to 25 years in prison for ordering killings and kidnappings 
 by security forces. 
2016  smiled.


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Classic children stories 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, April 6

The Ezinefinder is working again!
The votes from the first third of the year were not counted,
but theoretically, any new votes will count.
let's show them that we did not forget how to vote!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Massachusetts man, who was angry that Taco Bell was closed, rammed ATM vestibule, knocked himself out. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 6, in 1814 Granted sovereignty in the island of Elba and a pension from the French government, Napoleon Bonaparte abdicates at Fountainebleau. He was allowed to keep the title of emperor. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them. --- Lily Tomlin (1939 - ) Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. --- Euripides (484 BC - 406 BC) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ At the conclusion of his lecture to a group of young recruits, the legendary paratrooper asked for questions. A hand shot up. "What made you decide to make that first jump, sir?" Without hesitating, the paratrooper replied, "An airplane at eighteen thousand feet with a bad engine." ______________________________________________________ >From Max My wife doesn't complain often, but once she was having a old-fashioned "heart-to-heart" with me and said, "Hon, you never listen to me. Every time I try to talk to you, you get this far-away look in your eyes after only a few seconds. Please promise me you'll try to work on that." The last thing I remember was replying, "I'm sorry, what was that you were saying?" ______________________________________________________ Lemua ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Derrick LaForest, 33, Pittsfield, Massachusetts. Massachusetts man, who was angry that Taco Bell was closed, rammed ATM vestibule, knocked himself out. A city man was knocked unconscious early Thursday when he rammed his car into an unused ATM vestibule after becoming upset that Taco Bell was closed. Derrick C. LaForest, 33, allegedly told police he had, "no idea," how he hit the building. Witnesses said LaForest, of Argyle Road, pulled up to the Taco Bell drive-thru window shortly after 1:30 a.m. and began honking his horn. When no one answered at the window, LaForest allegedly "laid on the horn for at least two minutes," before a staff member went outside and told him the restaurant was closed. LaForest then sped through the drive-thru lane and accelerated through the Taco Bell parking lot at high speeds, witnesses said. He then struck a curb, lost control of the car, hit a second curb and smashed into a small structure which formerly housed a TD Bank ATM. The vehicle's airbag deployed and both the vehicle and the building suffered "extensive" damage, according to police. Several Taco Bell employees went to the car and dragged LaForest's unconscious body out while police were en route. He had a cut over his eye and refused medical treatment, police said. LaForest told police he went to the restaurant and when he learned it was closed, drove away and somehow hit the building. He pleaded not guilty in Central Berkshire District Court to charges of reckless operation of a motor vehicle and vandalism. Judge William O'Grady released LaForest on $500 bail and ordered him back in court on May 3 for a pretrial hearing. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Martha Re: Classic Children Stories Dear Webby You had a link once for the traditional, classical children stories. Can you please find that again ? Thanks Martha Dear Martha The best presentation of the classical Grimm Brothers tales in English is probably at the National Geographic site: http://www.nationalgeographic.com/grimm/ Keep in mind, these are ancient stories written down in the 1800's from oral tradition, and may not necessarily all be politically correct in modern suburbia. They are still good stories though, and since they are frequently referred to in all kinds of literature, I would definitely recommend them. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ When the family car developed a slight knock, the husband asked his wife if she had bought regular or premium gas, but she couldn't remember. "You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for the engine running so rough." "No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly. "Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband. "It cost the same as always," said the wife. "I bought the usual ten dollars worth to get me home." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Honey Lemon Cake By attosa [191 Posts, 467 Comments] Approximate Time: 50 minutes Yield: 10 servingsHoney Lemon Cake Ingredients: 1 cup all purpose flour 1/4 tsp baking soda 1 tsp baking powder 1/2 tsp salt 1 egg 1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce 1/2 cup honey 1 Tbsp butter or oil 1 Tbsp lemon zest 1/4 cup lemon juice Glaze 3/4 cup powdered sugar 3 tsp lemon juice and some lemon zest Steps: Preheat oven to 350 F and grease a 9 x 9 inch baking pan. Combine egg, applesauce, honey, butter or oil, zest and lemon juice. Whisk thoroughly. Combine flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. Whisk thoroughly. Fold dry ingredients into wet, eliminating all lumps. Pour batter into pan. Bake in 25 to 30 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean. Remove and cool. To make the glaze, combine the powdered sugar, lemon juice and zest. Mix with a clean whisk until it is smooth. Pour over the cooled cake. In this example, I cut my 9 inch cake and half, put a bit of glaze on layer one, then most on the very top. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday? SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend. ___________________________________________________
push ups with a polar bear
____________________________________________________ BOY : Since we met, I haven't been able to eat or drink. GIRL : Why not ?? BOY : I'm broke. BOY : I think the poorest people are the happiest. GIRL : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple. ____________________________________________________ I was in line at the store checkout. In front of me was a mother with her college-age son and his girlfriend. It was in the middle of the lunch rush, and many customers were restless at the long wait, but the young couple, holding hands and kissing, were oblivious to everything around them. Although clearly not approving, the mother was silent until one prolonged kiss when the young man had his face and hands buried in his girlfriend's long, curly locks. "Do you have to do that here?" the embarrassed mother asked. "I'm not doing anything, Mom," came her son's muffled voice. "My nose ring is caught in her hair." ____________________________________________________
This Guy Carves Miniature Artworks Onto the Tips of Pencils.....how does he do that!
Power of puppies

Today on April 6
1199 English King Richard I was killed by an arrow at the 
 siege of the castle of Chaluz in France. 
1652 Jan van Riebeeck established a settlement at Cape Town, 
 South Africa. 
1814 Granted sovereignty in the island of Elba and a pension 
 from the French government, Napoleon Bonaparte abdicates 
 at Fountainebleau. He was allowed to keep the title of emperor. 
1830 Joseph Smith and five others organized the Mormon Church 
 in western New York. 
1830 Relations between the Texans and Mexico reached a new low 
 when Mexico would not allow further emigration into Texas by 
 settlers from the U.S. 
1875 Alexander Graham Bell was granted a patent for the multiple 
 telegraph, which sent two signals at the same time. 
1896 The first modern Olympic Games began in Athens, Greece. 
1909 Americans Robert Peary and Matthew Henson claimed to be 
 the first men to reach the North Pole. 
1916 Charlie Chaplin became the highest-paid film star in the 
 world when he signed a contract with Mutual Film Corporation 
 for $675,000 a year. He was 26 years old. 
1917 The U.S. Congress approved a declaration of war on Germany 
 and entered World War I on the Allied side. 
1938 The United States recognized the German conquest of Austria. 
1941 German forces invaded Greece and Yugoslavia. 
1953 Iranian Premier Mossadegh demanded that the shah's power 
 be reduced. 
1965 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson authorized the use of 
 ground troops in combat operations in Vietnam. 
1967 In South Vietnam, 1,500 Viet Cong attacked Quangtri and 
 freed 200 prisoners. 
1981 A Yugoslav Communist Party official confirmed reports of 
 intense ethnic riots in Kosovo. 
1983 The U.S. Veteran's Administration announced it would give 
 free medical care for conditions traceable to radiation exposure 
 to more than 220,000 veterans who participated in nuclear tests 
 from 1945 to 1962. 
1998 Federal researchers in the U.S. announced that daily 
 tamoxifen pills could cut breast cancer risk among high-risk women.
1998 Pakistan successfully tested medium-range missiles capable of 
 attacking neighboring India. 
2016  smiled.


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How to deal with Chain Letter Believers 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, April 5

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
SPECIAL EASTER EGG from McAfee McAefee Total Protection $29.99 March 25 - 28
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Alabama math teacher arrested for sex with student Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 5, in 1806 Isaac Quintard patented the cider mill. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old Sarah started using her pinwheel as a magic wand, pretending she was a fairy godmother. "Make three wishes," she told her mother, "and I'll grant them." Her mom first asked for world peace. Sarah swung her wand and proclaimed the request fulfilled. Next, her mother requested for a cure for all ill children. Again, with a sweep of the pinwheel, Sarah obliged. The mother, with a glance down at her rather ample curves, made her third wish, "I wish to have a trim figure again." The miniature fairy godmother started waving her wand madly, and throwing furtive glances at her mother, checking for the first signs of any results. Finally she sighed and exclaimed: "For THAT I'll need more power!" ______________________________________________________ An older Jewish man is on the operating table awaiting surgery. He has insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he is about to receive the anesthesia, the patient asks to speak to his son. "Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, do your best, and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife." ______________________________________________________ Weeping Cherry Tree, Tokyo A weeping cherry tree at Rikugien Garden in Tokyo's Bunkyo Ward is seen almost in full bloom on March 29, 2016. The place is designated as a national spot of scenic beauty, and its famous weeping cherry tree -- about 15 meters tall and 20 meters wide -- is now 80 percent in bloom. The faint pink-colored cherry blossom can be enjoyed until early April. The tree is lit up after sunset through April 3. (Mainichi) ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jeannie Shiver, 37, Phoenix City, Alabama Alabama math teacher arrested for sex with student An Algebra teacher at Central High Freshman Academy in Phenix City is accused of having sex with a student. Jeannie Shiver, 37, was arrested Wednesday and charged with school employee engaging in a sex act or deviant sexual intercourse with a student under the age of 19 years, Phenix City police stated in a release. According to Central High Freshman Academy's website, Shiver is an alum of Central High School and Columbus State University. It was her ninth year teaching at Central High Freshman Academy. Her current employment status wasn't released. Phenix City police were notified by the Phenix City Board of Education on March 3 that Shiver was believed to be having an inappropriate relationship with an underage student. "It appears the school may have had information as early as February," Phenix City Police Chief Ray Smith told the Ledger-Enquirer. "There is information that the employee had been warned to stay away from the student sometime in February, but that information was not made known to law enforcement until March. We're still investigating that part of it." The school also apparently issued a warning letter to Shiver in February, police say. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Amanda Re: Chain letters Dear Webby where is your page, the one you made to send to those silly chain letter believers? On AOL apparently they still believe that Microsoft will send them $245 if they forward that chain letter to 500 people. Dear Amanda That page is at http://webby.com/humor/fert.html Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A friend, driving home from a fishing trip in northern Michigan with his boat in tow, had engine trouble a few miles inland from Lake Huron. He didn't have a phone in his car, so he decided to use his marine radio to get help. Climbing into his boat, he broadcast his call letters and asked for assistance. A Coast Guard officer responded, "Please give your location." "I'm on Interstate-75, two miles south of Standish." The officer paused, "Could you repeat that?" "I-75, two miles south of Standish." A longer pause. Then an incredulous voice asked, "How fast were you going when you hit shore?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Permanent Marker (Sharpie) on a Microfiber Couch I was with my son when he purchased his microfiber furniture. The salesman SHOWED us how to remove Sharpie on the sample. He just used regular rubbing alcohol. He just poured it on the marks he made and it took it right out. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ My husband and I were browsing in a crafts store when he noticed a display of country-style musical instruments. After looking over the flutes, dulcimers and recorders, he picked up a shiny, one-stringed instrument he took to be a mouth harp. He put it to his lips and, much to the amusement of other shoppers, twanged a few notes on it. After watching from a distance, I walked up and whispered in his ear, "I hate to tell you this, honey, but you're trying to play a cheese slicer." ___________________________________________________
wooden ball plays Bach
____________________________________________________ Someone in our neighborhood put a huge sofa out by the curb for trash collection. Since it was in good shape, many motorists slowed down for a look. But when they saw how enormous it was, they'd leave. Eventually a compact car pulled up, and two men got out. "This I've got to see," I thought. They removed the cushions, turned the sofa upside down, and shook it hard. Then they picked up all the coins that tumbled out and drove off. ____________________________________________________ A priest was vested in his surplice and cassock ready to proceed at the beginning of the service. His surplice was very ornate, and he was swinging the incense pot which had smoke coming from it. Lance's visiting friend from San Francisco touched the priest on the shoulder and said, "Darling, I love your dress, but your purse is on fire!" ____________________________________________________
The Winners of Smithsonian’s 13th Annual Photo Contest
Power of puppies

Today on April 5
1242 Russian troops repelled an invasion attempt by the 
 Teutonic Knights.
1614 American Indian Pocahontas married English colonist 
 John Rolfe in Virginia. 
1806 Isaac Quintard patented the cider mill. 
1843 Queen Victoria proclaimed Hong Kong to be a British 
 crown colony. 
1887 Anne Sullivan taught Helen Keller the meaning of the 
 word "water" as spelled out in the manual alphabet. 
1892 Walter H. Coe patented gold leaf in rolls. 
1908 The Japanese Army reached the Yalu River as the Russians 
 retreated. 
1923 Firestone Tire and Rubber Company began the first regular 
 production of balloon tires. 
1930 Mahatma Ghandi defied British law by making salt in India. 
1941 German commandos secured docks along the Danube River in 
 preparation for Germany’s invasion of the Balkans. 
1951 Americans Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were sentenced to 
 death for committing espionage for the Soviet Union. 
1955 Winston Churchill resigned as British prime minister. 
1986 A discotheque in Berlin was bombed by Libyan terrorists. 
 The U.S. attacked Libya with warplanes in retaliation on 
 April 15, 1986. 
1998 The Akashi Kaikyo Bridge in Japan opened becoming the 
 largest suspension bridge in the world. It links Shikoku 
 and Honshu. The bridge cost about $3.8 billion. 
1999 Two Libyans suspected of bombing a Pan Am jet in 1988 
 were handed over so they could be flown to the Netherlands 
 for trial. 270 people were killed in the bombing. 
2004 Near Mexico City's international airport, lightning 
 struck the jet Mexican President Vicente Fox was on. 
2009 North Korea launched the Kwangmyongsong-2 rocket, 
 prompting an emergency meeting of the United Nations 
 Security Council. 



2016  smiled.


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Retrurn W8, W10 to classic look 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, April 4

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
SPECIAL EASTER EGG from McAfee McAefee Total Protection $29.99 March 25 - 28
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida Man arrested after he was bitten by his own pit bull while fleeing from officers. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 4, in 1581 Francis Drake completed the circumnavigation of the world. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. --- Robert Heinlein _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for while and then said, "You must have been REALLY wicked to turn ALL of grandma's hairs white!" ______________________________________________________ A couple decided to take their teenage daughter to a shopping mall in a nearby town one weekend. As they were getting ready to go, the girl came downstairs dressed in short shorts and a spaghetti string top. An anticipated fight broke out between her and the husband over her inappropriate attire. In order to keep the peace, the mother stepped in and reminded her husband that when they were young she had dressed the same way, it was the style. He said, "Yeah! Well if you remember right I had something to say about that, too!" "Yes dear," she said, "you did . . . you asked me for my phone number!" ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Avery Davis, 26, Riviera Beach, Florida Florida Man arrested after he was bitten by his own pit bull while fleeing from officers. As Avery Davis ran from Riviera Beach police officers Monday morning, he released his pit bull and directed the animal to attack the officers, according to authorities. However, the dog apparently had other ideas. Davis’ pit bull bit him in the buttocks and tried to bite his head before Davis ran and hid in a nearby apartment complex, according to a police arrest report made public Tuesday. The 26-year-old Riviera Beach man eventually was caught in the 1500 block of West 29th Street. He was arrested on two counts of aggravated assault on a law-enforcement officer and one count resisting an officer with violence. He remained in custody Tuesday at the Palm Beach County Jail. The scene reportedly unfolded shortly before 8 a.m. Monday. According to the report, police officers were in the area investigating a reported burglary in the 2300 block of Avenue S. Officers observed Davis, who matched the description of the suspect. He reportedly was carrying hair care products. Officers ordered Davis to lay on the ground. He did so while hugging the dog. Davis reportedly told officers, “Y’all gonna have to kill us” before getting up and running away. An officer fired a stun at Davis, temporarily knocking him back to the ground. Davis reportedly got up and ran again. As officers pursued, Davis released the dog from its leash and yelled, “Kill ’em boy, kill ’em,” while pointing at the officers, the report said. Officers later found Davis hiding under an SUV in an apartment complex on Avenue R. He ran again but was caught on West 29th Street. Davis was treated at St. Mary’s Medical Center in West Palm Beach and then released into police custody. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: David Re: W7 look and feel for W8 Dear Webby I was given a computer with Windows 8 on it. I thought I remembered a program you recommended to give 8 the look of 7. Do I remember that correctly? If so, where do I find it? At this point do you recommend upgrading to 10? Thanks David L Dear David To get the Classic look and feel get Classic Shell Wait with W10 until about W10.1 or 10.2 Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ One day a co-worker told my friend, Stan, that she was going home early because she didn't feel well. Since Stan was just getting over something himself, he wished her well and said he hoped it wasn't something he had given her. A fellow worker piped up, "I sure hope not. She has morning sickness." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tip: Getting Rid of Smell on Vintage Coats Take a bunch of newspapaers wad them up and fill the arms of the coat, get one of those dry cleaning garment bags, and put the coat with the newspaper inside of it, adding more newspaper, close it and seal it with tape to make it air tight. Wait about 3-4 days open it up and remove some of the newspaper, the newspaper should smell like the coats. Newspaper absorbs ordors and I have had wonderful luck with it getting out the vintage smell in clothes. You may have to take out the newspaper and refill the coat a couple times but, works wonders. By shelly [4 Posts, 4 Comments] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ When a teenage girl smiles at a boy, he tries to decide what makes him so sexy. When a young lady smiles at a man in his fifties, he turns around to see who's the handsome dude behind him. But when a female of any age smiles at a man of 80, he looks down to see if he's unzipped. ___________________________________________________
Beauty in the Back Yard from TED Talks
____________________________________________________ The doorbell rang and the little girl ran to open the door. In the doorway stood a man with a clipboard. He explained he was from the Census Bureau and wanted to know how many were in the family. Coming over, drying her hands on her apron, the mother said, "Let's see. There's me and my husband, and my children Tracy, Katherine, Amanda, Alfred, Benjamin--" The census taker interrupted, saying, "I'm not interested in the names. The numbers will be enough." The little girl pitched in. "We don't use numbers yet. So far we haven't run out of names, an my brothers always make up new ones for me anyway!" ____________________________________________________ "How did the wedding go?" asked the preacher's wife. "Just fine until I asked the bride if she would obey and she said, 'Do you think I'm nuts?' and the groom said, 'I do,' and then things really began to happen fast." ____________________________________________________
Incredible USA Counties Map Made from Over 3,000 Carved Wooden Blocks

Today on April 4
1541 Ignatius of Loyola became the first superior-general 
 of the Jesuits. 
1581 Francis Drake completed the circumnavigation of the world. 
1687 King James II ordered that his declaration of indulgence 
 be read in church. 
1850 The city of Los Angeles was incorporated. 
1902 British Financier Cecil Rhodes left $10 million in his 
 will that would provide scholarships for Americans to 
 Oxford University in England. 
1905 In Kangra, India, an earthquake killed 370,000 people. 
1914 The first known serialized moving picture opened in 
 New York City, NY. It was "The Perils of Pauline". 
1917 The U.S. Senate voted 90-6 to enter World War I 
 on the Allied side. 
1918 The Battle of Somme, an offensive by the British 
 against the German Army ended. 
1932 After five years of research, professor C.G. King, 
 of the University of Pittsburgh, isolated vitamin C. 
1945 Hungary was liberated from Nazi occupation. 
1945 During World War II, U.S. forces liberated the Nazi 
 death camp Ohrdruf in Germany. 
1949 Twelve nations signed a treaty to create The North 
 Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). 
1967 The U.S. lost its 500th plane over Vietnam. 
1967 Johnny Carson quit "The Tonight Show." He returned 
 three weeks later after getting a raise of $30,000 a week. 
1968 Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated at the age of 39. 
1969 Dr. Denton Cooley implanted the first temporary artificial heart. 
1971 Veterans stadium in Philadelphia, PA, was dedicated this day. 
1975 More than 130 people, most of them children, were killed 
 when a U.S. Air Force transport plane evacuating Vietnamese 
 orphans crashed just after takeoff from Saigon. 
1979 Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, the president of Pakistan, was 
 executed. He had been convicted of conspiring to murder 
 a political opponent. 
1981 Henry Cisneros became the first Mexican-American elected mayor 
 of a major U.S. city, which was San Antonio, TX. 
1983 At Cape Canaveral, the space shuttle Challenger took off on 
 its first flight. It was the sixth flight for the shuttle program. 
1984 U.S. President Reagan proposed an international ban on 
 chemical weapons. 
1986 Wayne Gretzky set an NHL record with his 213th point of 
 the season. 
1987 The U.S. charged the Soviet Union with wiretapping a 
 U.S. Embassy. 
1988 Arizona Governor Evan Mecham was voted out of office by 
 the Arizona Senate. Mecham was found guilty of diverting 
 state funds to his auto business and of trying to impede 
 an investigation into a death threat to a grand jury witness. 
1991 Pennsylvanian Senator John Heinz and six others were 
 killed when a helicopter collided with Heinz's plane over 
 a schoolyard in Merion, PA. 
1994 Netscape Communications (Mosaic Communications) was founded. 
1995 U.S. Senator Alfonse D'Amato ridiculed judge Lance Ito 
 using a mock Japanese accent on a nationally syndicated radio 
 program. D'Amato apologized two days later for the act. 
2016  smiled.


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Email program for older machines 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, April 3

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
SPECIAL EASTER EGG from McAfee McAefee Total Protection $29.99 March 25 - 28
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Texas mother arrested after she got drunk, let sex offender tattoo her three kids Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 3, in 1829 James Carrington patented the coffee mill. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Love many, hate few, learn to paddle your own canoe. --- Socratex _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Little Suzie ran into the house, crying as though her heart would break. "What's wrong, dear?" asked her mother. "My doll! Johnny broke it!" she sobbed. "How did he break it, Suzie?" "I hit him over the head with it." ______________________________________________________ https://www.facebook.com/upliftingdaily2/videos/965550283521578/ An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked somebody from the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" "Did it save time?" the person in the audience asked. "Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ashley Nikole Weir 31, Lago Vista, Texas Texas mother arrested after she got drunk, let sex offender tattoo her three kids A Central Texas mother got drunk and allowed a sex offender to tattoo her three underage children, according to police. Ashley Nikole Weir, 31, was arrested Monday in Lago Vista and charged on three counts of tattoos prohibited for certain persons, a Class A misdemeanor. If convicted, Weir could spend up to three years in prison. The father of the three children told Lago Vista police that his 13-year-old son called and asked him to pick them up from Weir's house, according to an arrest affidavit. The son told the father that "they had a surprise for him and that he might not like it," the affidavit said. Weir was "passed out drunk" in bed when the father arrived, the father told police. The three children were unsupervised. All three had fresh tattoos on their ankles: the 13-year- old son had a tattoo of a cross on his right ankle, the 10-year-old daughter had a cross and infinity symbol on her left ankle and the 9-year-old daughter had a heart- and-arrow design on her right ankle, according to police. The 13-year-old told police that Weir wanted the children to get tattoos when they arrived at their mother's house, the affidavit reads. Two men were there at the time: Weir's boyfriend and his brother — who is a sex offender, according to the Texas Department of Public Safety's sex offender registry. The children told police that Weir told them to get the tattoos "but not to cry or whine about it when it hurts," according to the affidavit. Weir's boyfriend's brother tattooed the three children, the children told police. The father asked police to conduct a welfare check on Weir, according to the affidavit. Police said Weir smelled of alcohol and that she "wobbled, swayed and was unsure on her feet while walking." Weir told police that she allowed the children to get tattoos but wouldn't say who actually performed the act of tattooing the children. The 31-year-old woman said she, her boyfriend and her boyfriend's brother were the only adults in the home at the time. Weir also knew the design of each tattoo, according to the affidavit. Weir is currently being held in Travis County Jail on a $15,000 bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Harold Re: Email program for older machines Dear Webby I used to think it was so cute that our kids were already using email at six and seven, that I forgot to delete Outlook Express. Considering that 99.9% of all viruses are written to take advantage of some of Outlook's "features" to break in and do their dirty deed, it should actually have been quite predictable that either "Not Me!" or "Me Neither!" would click on something dangerous. Now "Not Me" and "Me Neither" are banished to two older machines that I set up for them. Do you know of an email program that will work with older versions of Windows? Thanks Harold K Dear Harold Try Pegasus. They have one version that not only works in all older versions of Windows, but even works in DOS. Pegasus has had mail filtering for a twenty years now and has such niceties as mail merge, multiple identities with separate address books, expandng nicknames, etc. And it is still free. You can download it from http://www.pmail.com/ Pegasus has been around since 1990 and has always been free. They will still click on interesting looking links, but if you put McAfee and Malwarebytes onto the machines, they should eliminate most malware. Both of those services are good for three machines anyway. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Linda: What's that you're reading? Judie: A diary. Linda: What's in it? Judie: I can't tell you that. A diary is a highly personal and confidential affair; It has important secret dreams and secret yearnings. It's private. It's not meant to be shared lightly with other people. And besides, this diary belongs to Margaret. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tip: Stain Wood With Shoe Polish If you have small pieces of unfinished wood that you would like stained, use liquid shoe polish. The applicator on the top helps keep your hands clean. By Diane ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. "Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?" he asked his mother. "He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness. Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and said, "I'm glad you don't do any thinking. You would look silly without long hair." ___________________________________________________
little boy playing with his shadow
____________________________________________________ The years that a woman subtracts from her age are not lost. They are added to the age of the women that she talks about. ____________________________________________________ From Georgina I was nervous the night my husband and I brought our kids to an upscale restaurant for the first time. My husband ordered a bottle of wine with the meal. When the waitress brought it, our children became quiet as she began the ritual uncorking. When she poured a small amount for my husband to taste, our six-year-old piped up, "Let Mom try it. Mom can drink a lot more than that!" ____________________________________________________
A cross between a terrarium and indoor ‘grow light’.

Today on April 3
1829 James Carrington patented the coffee mill. 
1860 The first Pony Express riders left St. Joseph, MO and 
 Sacramento, CA. The trip across country took about 10 days. 
 The Pony Express only lasted about a year and a half. 
1865 Union forces occupy Confederate capital of Richmond, VA. 
1866 Rudolph Eickemeyer and G. Osterheld patented a blocking 
 and shaping machine for hats. 
1882 The American outlaw Jesse James was shot in the back 
 and killed by Robert Ford for a $5,000 reward. There was 
 later controversy over whether it was actually Jesse James 
 that had been killed. 
1910 Alaska's Mt. McKinley, the highest mountain in North 
 America was climbed. 
1942 The Japanese began their all-out assault on the U.S. and 
 Filipino troops at Bataan. 
1946 Lt. General Masaharu Homma, the Japanese commander 
 responsible for the Bataan Death March, was executed. 
1948 U.S. President Harry Truman signed the Marshall Plan to 
 revive war-torn Europe. It was $5 billion in aid for 16 
 countries. 
1967 The U.S. State Department said that Hanoi might be 
 brainwashing American prisoners. 
1972 Charlie Chaplin returned to the U.S. after a 20 year absence. 
1983 It was reported that Vietnamese occupation forces had 
 overrun a key insurgent base in western Cambodia. 
1985 The U.S. charged that Israel violated the Geneva Convention 
 by deporting Shiite prisoners. 
1986 The U.S. national debt hit $2 trillion. 
1987 Riots disrupted mass during the Pope's visit to 
 Santiago, Chili. 
1996 An Air Force jetliner carrying Commerce Secretary Ron 
 Brown crashed in Croatia, killing all 35 people aboard. 
1996 Unabomber suspect Theodore Kaczynski was arrested. He 
 pled guilty in January 1998 to five Unabomber attacks in 
 exchange for a life sentence without chance for parole.

2016  smiled.


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How does BMP fit in the world of GIF, JPG. PNG, PSP, PSD? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, April 2

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
SPECIAL EASTER EGG from McAfee McAefee Total Protection $29.99 March 25 - 28
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Alabama teacher couple, both arrested for sex with students Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 2, in 1801 During the Napoleonic Wars, the Danish fleet was destroyed by the British at the Battle of Copenhagen. The Danes were pro-democracy and Britain was against it. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ A little learning is a dangerous thing but a lot of ignorance is just as bad. --- Bob Edwards _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Roland Sally was puzzled recently by the odd messages she kept getting on her voice mail. Day after day, all she'd hear, from friends, family, and customers alike, would be their message and then they'd ALL say, "BEEP." We were talking about something else at the moment but I had her check her voice mail message anyway to see if there was a clue. She discovered the solution to the BEEP riddle when she dialed her own phone number. Her message said, "I'm not available right now, so please leave a beep after the message." ______________________________________________________ These two ol' boys from Beaumont bought a new mule, but had trouble getting him in their barn. Every time they would get him to the door, his ears would brush the top of the doorway and he'd start kicking and go wild. Finally, they decide the best way to solve the problem is to jack up the barn. So, they go out and get a half dozen jacks. The two Texians are scrambling from jack to jack to try to get the barn raised when this Cajun walks up. "Wot chall doin?" Boudreaux asks. "We's raisin thuh barn, yuh stoopid Cajun," Billy Bob says. "Why you do dat?" "Cause thuh mule's ears keep touchin' thuh doorway when we try to put him in iss-here barn and he goes haf-crazy wild," Billy Bob says. "He kicked Ernest Wayne plumb in thuh haid twicet already." "Why come you don' just dig a four inch lower in de doorway? Dat way him got to go down when he get to de do' an him ear don't touch nutin." "Ya stoopid Cajun," Ernest Wayne chimes in. "It's his ears at's too long, not his laigs!" ______________________________________________________ Amazonian Royal Flycatcher from FB Visit The world of birds ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jamie Franklin Parker Charli Parker Alabama Alabama teacher couple, both arrested for sex with students Jamie Franklin Parker and his wife Charli seem like any young private school teachers at Pickens Academy. Both Jamie and Charli coached the Alabama school’s sports teams and served as teachers, sculpting their young minds and pushing them towards a bright future. Like millions of others, they fell in love in college and got married in 2010. Not long after that they brought a baby boy into the world. But there was something much darker that this cheerful couple was hiding from their peers. The students and faculty at Pickens Academy were in for a shock when the two were arrested, just two days apart, for an all-too-common crime these days. According to AL.com, Charli was arrested Monday on the charges of engaging in a sex act with a student under the age of 19. Just two days later, Jamie would be arrested for the same crime. Charli had sex with a male student, while Jamie’s relationship was with a female who used to attend the school. While these instances are similar, the couple’s crimes were not related. According to WVTM all of the acts took place away from school grounds. Due to the crimes status as a Class B Felony, both teachers could potentially serve a prison sentence of two to 20 years. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Doug Re: How does BMP fit in the world of GIF, JPG. PNG, PSP, PSD Dear Webby How does BMP fit in the world of GIF, JPG. PNG, PSP, PSD? Doug Dear Doug BMP, the old Microsoft DOS Bit-Map-Picture format is still used a bit for desktop backgrounds and start-up logo screens, and icons. You can paint icons 64 x 64 or 32 x 32, save them as a .BMP file, close the file, and rename it to a .ico file, and it will be a regular icon that you can assign to any program or shortcut. Other than that and start-up logos, .BMP is not used anymore now. Web browsers can read GIF and JPG and PNG. That's it. PNG, PSP and PSD are used for work in progress, which is then saved as JPG before uploading to a web site. PNG is also used for archiving, because it does not degrade pictures like JPG does. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A State Police Officer exited the freeway near one of those chicken restaurants and noticed that a customer had left a bucket of chicken on top of his car and was driving out of the parking lot. The officer decided to pull him over and perform a community service by giving the driver his chicken. So, he pulled him over, walked up to the car, pulled the bucket off the roof and offered it to the driver. The driver said, "No thanks, I just bought some." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tip: Stain Wood With Shoe Polish If you have small pieces of unfinished wood that you would like stained, use liquid shoe polish. The applicator on the top helps keep your hands clean. By Diane ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ How does Janice like being pregnant?" Bob asked his friend John. "Oh, she's not pregnant," John replied, "she's expecting." "What's the difference?" Bob pressed. "Well, John explained, "She's expecting me to cook dinner, she's expecting me to do the housework, she's expecting me to rub her feet, she's expecting me to do anything and everything but wipe her nose." ___________________________________________________
Amish move house by hand
____________________________________________________ One evening after dinner, my five-year-old son noticed that his mother had gone out and he asked, "Where did mommy go?" In answer to his questions, I told him, "Mommy is at a Tupperware party." This explanation satisfied him for only a moment. Puzzled, he asked, "What's a Tupperware party, Dad?" I've always given my son honest answers, so I figured a simple explanation would be the best approach. "Well, son," I said, "at a Tupperware party, a bunch of ladies sit around and sell plastic bowls to each other." He nodded, indicating that he understood this curious pastime. Then he burst into laughter. "Come on, Dad," he said. "What is it really?" ____________________________________________________ One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice." "Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?" ____________________________________________________
25 mind bending photos. I like the model city built out of toothpicks that took 36 years to build.

Today on April 2
1513 Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon sighted Florida.
1801 During the Napoleonic Wars, the Danish fleet was 
 destroyed by the British at the Battle of Copenhagen. 
 The Danes were pro-democracy and Britain was against it.
1872 G.B. Brayton received a patent for the gas-powered 
 streetcar. 
1889 Charles Hall patented aluminum. 
1905 The Simplon rail tunnel officially opened. The tunnel 
 went under the Alps and linked Switzerland and Italy. 
1910 Karl Harris perfected the process for the artificial 
 synthesis of rubber. 
1917 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson presented a declaration 
 of war against Germany to the U.S. Congress. 
1935 Sir Watson-Watt was granted a patent for RADAR. It had
 been shown in Germany two years before, but not patented. 
1947 The U.N. Security Council voted to appoint the U.S. as 
 trustee for former Japanese-held Pacific Islands. 
1960 France signed an agreement with Madagascar that proclaimed 
 the country an independent state within the French community. 
1963 Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King began the first 
 campaign in Birmingham, AL. 
1966 South Vietnamese troops joined in demonstrations at Hue and 
 Da Nang for an end to military rule. 
1967 In Peking, hundreds of thousands demonstrated against Mao 
 foe Liu Shao-chi. 
1972 Burt Reynolds appeared nude in "Cosmopolitan" magazine. 
1982 Argentina invaded the British-owned Falkland Islands. The 
 following June Britain took the islands back. 
1984 In Jerusalem, three Arab gunmen wounded 48 people when they 
 opened fire into a crowd of shoppers. 
1986 On a TWA airliner flying from Rome to Athens a bomb exploded 
 under a seat killing four Americans. 
1989 General Prosper Avril, Haiti's military leader, survived a 
 coup attempt. The attempt was apparently provoked by Avril's 
 U.S.-backed efforts to fight drug trafficking. 
1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein threatened to incinerate half 
 of Israel with chemical weapons if Israel joined a conspiracy 
 against Iraq. 
1992 Mob boss John Gotti was convicted in New York of murder and 
 racketeering. He was later sentenced to life in prison. 
1996 Russia and Belarus signed a treaty that created a political 
 and economic alliance in an effort to reunite the two former 
 Soviet republics. 
1996 Lech Walesa resumed his old job as an electrician at the 
 Gdansk shipyard. He was the former Solidarity union leader who 
 became Poland's first post-war democratic president. 
2002 Israeli troops surrounded the Church of the Nativity. More 
 than 200 Palestinians had taken refuge at the church when Israel 
 invaded Bethlehem. 
2016  smiled.


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How to get rid of BSOD 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, April 1
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
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If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to Tulsa, OK stripper and friends arrested for kidnapping and robbing an invited visitor. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 1, in 1578 William Harvey of England discovered blood circulation. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. --- A. H. Weiler (1909 - 2002) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "Mom," said the little girl, "Is it alright to say you are going to water the horse when you are giving him a drink of water?" Yes," said her mother, "that is the correct thing to say." Well then, I'm going to milk the parrot!" ______________________________________________________ Ending his sermon, a preacher announced that he would preach on Noah and the Ark on the following Sunday, and gave the scriptural reference for the congregation to read ahead of time. A couple of boys noticed something interesting about the placement of the story in the Bible. They slipped into the church and glued two pages of the pulpit Bible together. The next Sunday, the preacher got up to read his text. "Noah took unto himself a wife," he began, "and she was" - he turned the page to continue - "three hundred cubits long, fifty cubits wide and thirty cubits high." He paused, scratched his head, turned the page back, read it silently, and turned the page again. Then he looked up at his congregation and said, "I've been reading this old Bible for near fifty years, but there are some things in it that still amaze me." ______________________________________________________ Slovenia ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Bobby Willhite, 24, Anastasia Pitts, 19, Chang Saulsberry,33, Tulsa, Oklahoma Tulsa, OK stripper and friends arrested for kidnapping and robbing an invited visitor. According to Tulsa Police, a man who went to meet a stripper at her house was attacked and kidnapped by two men and the woman. As the victim walked into the stripper's residence Saturday night, two men jumped him, tied him up, pulled his shirt over his head and started to beat him. Then after he was robbed, they threw him into the trunk of his own car, where the suspects drove around for an hour, according to the victim. Once the vehicle came to a stop and the victim heard the suspects leave the vehicle, he kicked the seats in the back of the car open, and was able to escape before they returned. When the victim got out of the vehicle, he noticed he was in Catoosa in the Hard Rock Casino parking lot. He immediately told casino security what had happened and they contacted Catoosa Police. All three suspects, a white male, a white female and a black male, were arrested at the casino by Catoosa Police. Tulsa Police were called in to work the scene where the kidnapping took place in Tulsa. 19-year-old Anastasia Pitts, 24-year-old Bobby Willhite and 33-year-old Chang Saulsberry were all arrested Sunday, March 27 on robbery, kidnapping and stolen vehicle charges. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Nancy Re: How to get rid of B SOB Dear Webby My prob is one that only a genius like you can solve. A very LOUD page opens with dire warnings and never shuts off. It reads BSOB D11 register server fail. And a Microsoft phone number that will ask for money to fix it. Restarting does not help, it is always there. How can I get rid of it for good? Thank you sir. Nancy M. Dear Nancy "Bad SOB" is Ransom Ware and really bad shit. You need to download and install MalwareBytes and Adwarecleaner Be careful to download those ONLY from those safe links, and not from Cnet or other dubious sources, that may trick you into getting crappy "payloads" added. Then, after you have downloaded and installed those, here are the instructions: Remove BSOD They are too long to print here, but very nicely presented step by step on that page. Print them out, so that you can follow them even when you have your browser closed. Your machine got infected when you downloaded something without carefully watching and also downloaded the B SOB. It's not really difficult to remove the "Bad SOB", just tedious. Don't do it when you are in a hurry. Depending on the speed of your computer and your connection, it may take you half an hour to an hour to clean up. Good Luck! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ When my aunt's son was 3, he wanted a cuss word that he could use without getting yelled at. To appease the kid she told him that he could say, "Dag nabbit." Well, the problem was that next time his toy crane fell over it sounded like: "Damn Wabbit !!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Best Ever Split Pea Soup By Abigail A. [17 Posts, 1,124 Comments] Best Ever Split Pea Soup By Abigail A. [17 Posts, 1,124 Comments] This is the best and most frugal split pea soup recipe I know how to make. You can use yellow or green split peas. Approximate Time: overnight Ingredients: 6 cups water 2 cups dry split peas, green or yellow 1 smoked ham hock 2 Tbsp fat 2 Tbsp flour 4 cups milk salt and pepper Steps: Put water, split peas and ham hock in a crock pot. Cook on low until peas are very mushy, and the ham falls off the bone. Remove ham hock. Cut up ham meat and discard bone. Place fat and flour in a pot on the stove. Heat until foamy. Add milk and scald. Add ham meat and cooked peas. Mix well. Season with salt and black pepper. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Little Sally went to the store with her grandmother. On the way home, she looked through her bags to see what gramma had purchased. In one package, Little Sally found some panty hose and she began to sound out the words "Queen Size." She then turned to her grandmother and exclaimed, "Wow Gramma, you're as big as Mom's bed!" ___________________________________________________
Amish move house by hand
____________________________________________________ A young and arrogant pilot wanted to "show off" on the aviation frequencies as he was approaching an airfield during the night. So, he disregarded policy and, instead of making an official request to the tower, he said, "Guess who?" The air traffic controller switched the field lights off and replied, "Guess where?" ____________________________________________________ Sue: "I like cats, do you?" Bob: "Yes, I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes." ____________________________________________________
10 Astonishing Wood Sculptures

Today on April 1
0527 Justinianus became the emperor of Byzantium. 
1572 The Sea Beggars under Guillaume de la Marck landed 
 in Holland and captured the small town of Briel. 
1578 William Harvey of England discovered blood circulation. 
1621 The Plymouth, MA, colonists created the first treaty 
 with Native Americans. 
1748 The ruins of Pompeii were found. 
1778 Oliver Pollock, a New Orleans businessman, created 
 the "$" symbol. 
1793 In Japan, the volcano Unsen erupted killing about 53,000. 
1853 Cincinnati became the first U.S. city to pay fire fighters
 a regular salary. 
1873 The British White Star steamship Atlantic sank off 
 Nova Scotia killing 547. 
1881 Anti-Jewish riots took place in Jerusalem. 
1889 The first dishwashing machine was marketed (in Chicago). 
1905 The British East African Protectorate became the 
 colony of Kenya. 
1924 Adolf Hitler was sentenced to five years in prison 
 for high treason in relation to the "Beer Hall Putsch." 
1927 The first automatic record changer was introduced by 
 His Master's Voice. 
1928 China's Chiang Kai-shek began attacking communists. 
1929 Louie Marx introduced the Yo-Yo. 
1931 An Earthquake devastated Managua Nicaragua killing 2,000. 
1933 Nazi Germany began the persecution of Jews by boycotting 
 Jewish businesses. 
1937 Aden became a British colony. 
1938 The first commercially successful fluorescent lamps 
 were introduced. 
1939 The U.S. recognized the Franco government in Spain at 
 end of Spanish civil war. 
1945 U.S. forces invaded Okinawa during World War II. It was 
 the last campaign of World War II. 
1948 The Berlin Airlift began. 
1950 Italian Somalia became a United Nations trust territory 
 under Italian administration. 
1952 The Big Bang theory was proposed in "Physical Review" 
 by Alpher, Bethe & Gamow. 
1960 France exploded 2 atom bombs in the Sahara Desert. 
1960 The U.S. launched TIROS-1, the first weather satellite. 
1971 The United Kingdom lifted all restrictions on gold ownership. 
1972 North Vietnamese and Viet Cong troops renewed their 
 offensive in South Vietnam. 
1973 Japan allowed its citizens to own gold. 
1976 Apple Computer began operations. 
1979 Iran was proclaimed to be an Islamic Republic by 
 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini after the fall of the Shah. 
1982 The U.S. transferred the Canal Zone to Panama. 
1985 World oil prices dropped below $10 a barrel. 
1986 The U.S. submarine Nathaniel Green ran aground 
 in the Irish Sea. 
1987 Steve Newman became the first man to walk around the 
 world. The walk was 22,000 miles and took 4 years. 
1991 The Warsaw Pact was officially dissolved. 
1998 A federal judge dismissed the Paula Jones' sexual 
 harassment lawsuit against U.S. President Clinton saying 
 that the claims fell "far short" of being worthy of a trial. 
1999 In Zhytomyr, Ukraine, Anatoliy Onoprienko was sentenced 
 to death for the deaths of 52 men, women and children. 
 43 of the killings occurred in a 6-month period. 
1999 The Canadian territory of Nunavut was created. It was 
 carved from the eastern part of the Northwest Territories 
 and covered about 772,000 square miles. 
2001 China began holding 24 crewmembers of a U.S. surveillance 
 plane. The EP-3E U.S. Navy crew had made an emergency landing 
 after an in-flight collision with a Chinese fighter jet. The 
 Chinese pilot was missing and presumed dead. The U.S. crew 
 was released on April 11, 2001. 
2001 Former Yugoslav President Slobodan Milosevic was arrested 
 on corruption charges after a 26-hour standoff with the police 
 at his Belgrade villa. 
2003 North Korea test-fired an anti-ship missile off its west coast. 
2004 U.S. President George W. Bush signed the Unborn Victims of 
 Violence Act. The bill made it a crime to harm a fetus during 
 an assault on a pregnant woman. 
2009 Albania and Croatia joined NATO. 
2010 The U.S. Congress cut Medicare reimbursements to 
 physicians by 21%, so half of them moved to Mexico. 
2016  smiled.


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Recover spreadsheet files 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 31

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
SPECIAL EASTER EGG from McAfee McAefee Total Protection $29.99 March 25 - 28
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to Bumbling Miami bank robbers locked out after firing warning shots Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 31, in 1492 King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain issued the Alhambra edict expelling Jews who were unwilling to convert to Christianity. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer. --- Anon Start by doing what's necessary, then do what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible. --- Saint Francis of Assisi _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Sandie After attending a community meeting that adjourned at 10 p.m., my mother realized she had locked her keys in the car. The only place open was a bar and grill down the street. When Mom walked in, the bartender asked her what she'd like. "I need a coathanger," she replied. "Lady," he said, "I've made a lot of drinks in my time, but I've never heard of that one." ______________________________________________________ Confusion is one woman plus one multiple choice left turn; Excitement is two women plus one secret; Bedlam is three women plus one bargain; Chaos is four women plus one lunch check and one coupon. ______________________________________________________ From Jean Waterfall Island at Iguazu Falls ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Franklin Yamill Cuevas, 32, Miami, Floriduh Bumbling Miami bank robbers locked out after warning shots It took a few days, but police finally caught up with a pair of bumbling would-be bank robbers whose warning shots outside a Miami bank backfired — giving an employee inside enough warning to lock the front door. Unable to get inside, the defeated duo took off, without any money. “That’s an astute employee,” Miami Police Detective Kenia Fallat said. “He took a chance and ran to the door. He did the right thing.” A day after last Friday’s attempted heist, one of the men — who told police he was concerned after seeing bank surveillance video of himself on television — turned himself in. On Tuesday, his buddy did the same. Franklin Yamill Cuevas, 32, was charged with armed robbery with a deadly weapon and discharging a firearm in public. His buddy Kevin Alberto Reyes, 25, was charged as an accessory after the fact. Cuevas remained in jail Wednesday without bond. Police say it was just before 6 p.m. March 18 when Reyes parked his red, four-door Nissan Altima in front of Region’s Bank at 2800 NW Seventh St. Then, police said, Reyes got out of the car, walked through its glassed-encased ATM foyer and opened the bank’s front door to make sure it wasn’t locked. At the same time, the affidavit says, Cuevas walked outside the ATM entrance and “pulled out a semi-automatic pistol, inserted a magazine, cocked the gun, and shot three times in the air while standing by the door of the bank.” While firing his weapon, police said, Cuevas screamed, “This is a robbery, mother...” It scared the employees and customers enough to dive for cover, police said. But one worker leaped into quick action, locking the bank’s front door while Cuevas was going gangster outside. Stunned the door wouldn’t open, police said Cuevas backpedaled and jumped into the Altima while Reyes gunned the engine and took off. Reyes would later explain to police that he was out drinking with Cuevas before they headed to the bank. It was only after Cuevas got out of the car, Reyes said, that he heard the gunshots. Police said Reyes told them he was unaware Cuevas had a weapon. “But he did drive off with him after,” an officer wrote in Reyes’ arrest affidavit. Reyes also didn’t attempt to contact police until he saw his picture on television. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Donna Re: Spreadsheet recovery Dear Webby I love Open Office....it crashed with a spread sheet open the other day...and although it can recover it, it has to "recover" it every time I try and open it. It's always the same, regardless of what spreadsheet I try and open -- the first time the recovery fails, the second time it is successful. I even upgraded to the newest version of Open Office this morning thinking maybe Open Office was corrupt, but the problem persists. A friend opening the same spreadsheet (shared in a group) doesn't get the message. Any ideas, oh great computer guru friend of mine? Donna Dear Donna Save it under a new name. Excel does the same. Just save it under a new name, and then later save it back with the old name. That usually fixes that common spreadsheet bug. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ The most common form of marriage proposal: "YOU'RE WHAT!?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep a Medication List By Carol Swanson [37 Posts, 242 Comments] At the suggestion of my allergist, I keep an updated list of my medications in my handbag. She tells me that if you are taken to the hospital, it is very difficult to reconstruct a list of medicines for the patient. One never knows if they will be in an auto accident or suffer a stroke or other episode and not be able to speak for themselves. I keep my list on my computer so it is easy to update and to print out, but handwritten is good too. I also list non prescription items my doctors want me to have. Men can make a list to keep in their wallet. That way every time you leave your house you will have it with you. Source: My physician Don't forget your home! EMTs are trained to expect to see that list on your fridge. That way they instantly know about heart or diabetes or allergy conditions, instead of having to guess why you are on the floor making weird gestures. It doesn't have to be a big print, a post-it note size is enough. That can save your life. A month after my heart failure a few years ago friend once called the EMTs on me, when I didn't respond to her Skype messages because I was busy mopping the floors. They came storming in like a SWAT team, and ran to the fridge to look for my medication list. Luckily I do have one pinned up with a fridge magnet. Once they saw me mopping the floor they relaxed, but they pointed to the list and said they wished everybody had one pinned up on the fridge. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Delivering his speech at the opening banquet of a national convention, the visiting minister told several anecdotes he expected to repeat at meetings the next day. Because he wanted to use the jokes again, he requested that the reporters omit them from any accounts they might turn in to their newspapers. A cub reporter, in commenting on the speech, ended his piece with the following: "The minister told a number of stories that cannot be printed here." ___________________________________________________
baby elephant tries to figure out his trunk
____________________________________________________ >From Karla I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative phoned asking me to take part in a door-to-door fund-raising effort. "Sorry," I replied, "but I've been incapacitated." Undaunted, the caller kept trying to convince me to change my mind and volunteer. I interrupted and said, "I'm incapacitated. Do you know what that means?" She hesitated. "It means your head was cut off?" -------------- Reminds me of the time I told a telemarketer that the reason I was not interested in her long distance scam was because I didn't have a phone. She apologized for calling. ____________________________________________________ Q: What is the most dangerous part of a car? A: The nut that holds the steering wheel. ____________________________________________________
Beautiful Britain.

Today on March 31
1492 King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain issued the 
 Alhambra edict expelling Jews who were unwilling to 
 convert to Christianity. 
1776 Abigail Adams wrote to her husband John that women 
 were "determined to foment a rebellion" if the new 
 Declaration of Independence failed to guarantee their rights. 
1779 Russia and Turkey signed a treaty concerning military 
 action in Crimea. 
1854 The U.S. government signed the Treaty of Kanagawa with 
 Japan. The act opened the ports of Shimoda and Hakotade to 
 American trade. 
1880 Wabash, IN, became the first town to be completely 
 illuminated with electric light. 
1889 In Paris, the Eiffel Tower officially opened. 
1900 In France, the National Assembly passed a law reducing the 
 workday for women and children to 11 hours. 
1904 In India, hundreds of Tibetans were slaughtered by the British. 
1905 Kaiser Wilhelm arrived in Tangier proclaiming to support for 
 an independent state of Morocco. 
1908 250,000 coal miners in Indianapolis, IN, went on strike to 
 await a wage adjustment. 
1909 Serbia accepted Austrian control over Bosnia-Herzegovina. 
1917 The U.S. purchased and took possession of the Virgin Islands 
 from Denmark for $25 million. 
1921 Great Britain declared a state of emergency because of the 
 thousands of coal miners on strike. 
1932 The Ford Motor Co. debuted its V-8 engine. 
1933 The U.S. Congress authorized the Civilian Conservation Corps 
 to relieve rampant unemployment. 
1939 Britain and France agreed to support Poland if Germany 
 threatened invasion. 
1941 Germany began a counter offensive in North Africa. 
1946 Monarchists won the elections in Greece. 
1948 The Soviets in Germany began controlling the Western 
 trains headed toward Berlin. 
1949 Winston Churchill declared that the A-bomb was the only 
 thing that kept the U.S.S.R. from taking over Europe. 
1949 Newfoundland entered the Canadian confederation as its 
 10th province. 
1966 An estimated 200,000 anti-war demonstrators march in 
 New York City. (New York) 
1966 The Soviet Union launched Luna 10, which became the first 
 spacecraft to enter a lunar orbit. 
1980 U.S. President Carter deregulated the banking industry. 
1986 167 people died when a Mexicana Airlines Boeing 727 crashed 
 in Los Angeles. 
1989 Canada and France signed a fishing rights pact. 
1991 Iraqi forces recaptured the northern city of Kirkuk from 
 Kurdish guerillas. 
2004 Air America Radio launched five stations around the U.S. 
2004 Google Inc. announced that it would be introducing a 
 free e-mail service called Gmail.
2016  smiled.


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Find and weed out files 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, March 30

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
SPECIAL EASTER EGG from McAfee McAefee Total Protection $29.99 March 25 - 28
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Texas woman arested after she brings her drugs to police to get them tested for Ebola Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 30, in 1814 The allied European nations against Napoleon marched into Paris. They did not like his ideas of democracy. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ If you believe the doctors, nothing is wholesome; if you believe the theologians, nothing is innocent; if you believe the military, nothing is safe. --- Lord Salisbury Never exaggerate your faults. Your friends will attend to that. --- Sir Francis Bacon _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Jean The Irish are a wonderful bunch of people, always willing to help in a pinch ..... Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Air Atlantic flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don't know how this has happened, but we have 120 passen- gers on board and unfortunately, we received only 100 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience. When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5 hour flight " Her next announcement came about 3-1/2 hours later: "If anyone is hungry, we still have 100 dinners available". ______________________________________________________ There were 3 sisters on a train and they had been talking for some time when they decided to pass the time by telling each other what their greatest sins where. The first sister got up and said, "My greatest sin is sex. Every year I go out for a week and become a prostitute. Of course I put all the money I earn in the poor box, but that is my greatest sin." The second sister got up and said, "My greatest sin is drinking. Every year take the money out of the poor box and drink for one week straight." The third sister was sitting there being very quite. The others told her: "come on now, we told you our worst sins, what is yours?" The third sister got up and said, "Well, I don't really have any great sins, but I do gossip a bit now and then." ______________________________________________________ Smog Hills, Sausalito ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Miranda Johns, 21, Naples, Floriduh Texas woman arested after she brings her drugs to police to get them tested for Ebola A Texas police department posted a fake news alert on Facebook warning of drugs contaminated with Ebola, and, incredibly, one woman actually showed up for the “screening” and was promptly arrested. “This morning, we had our first concerned citizen notify the Granite Shoals Police Department that they believed their methamphetamine may be tainted. Our officers gladly took the item for further testing,” the department posted on its official Facebook page with the hashtag #notkidding. Police also posted the booking photo of a smiling Chasity Eugina Hopson, who now faces drug-related charges. Hopson was the first to respond to this “breaking news” alert. I looked all over to see if this was a hoax, but all the news services reported it as a true story. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Caralee Re: Sort and weed out files Dear Webby ... Now for my question, is there a Pro tip for sorting out files, that is less cumbersome than dragging them to different drives and directories? Thanks Caralee Dear Caralee First get "Search Everything" from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools forget the Windows search, it is too slow and might crash your machine. Make desktop shortcuts to MID, MP3, MP4, etc., not too far from the Recycle bin. Then with Search Everything search for *.mid and set the Search for Audio The first time you use it, it will be slow, because it catalogs all your drives. After that it will be lightning fast. Then go through the found list. Don't worry, unlike the Windows search, it won't disappear when you click in it. SHIFT Drag the keepers into the MID shortcut, and the rest into the recycle bin. Then do the same with MP4, and of course pictures and videos. There is no program, that will know which ones are keepers, and which ones are not. Sorting the found bunch by size does help. Most of the really small stuff is just nuisance anyway. Just take your time and and wade through them. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy. Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: NO, SIR! ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Emergency Laundry Detergent Substitutions If you run out of laundry detergent towards the end of the month and don't want to spend your last $'s, regular dish liquid will work great. I use 3 big squirts for a normal size load to get clean clothes with no foaming. By Margaret ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Here is an oldie-goldie that came back via the Folks from Erie: An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish New York City building. A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of Expensive perfume. She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, "Romance" by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!" Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, "Channel No. 5, $200 an ounce!" About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, then bends over and trumpets a fart like the finale of an opera. Just before the elevator doors close behind her, she turns and whispers into the eyewatering fumes: "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound." ___________________________________________________
daddy-daughter song The fireworks show had just ended, but she thought she kept hearing them outside. So we sang to keep her mind preoccupied. In the end, nothing competes with fireworks.
____________________________________________________ Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something 'practical' for her birthday. "Suppose we open a savings account for you?" mother suggested. Cathy was delighted. "It's your account, Cathy," mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application." Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for 'Name of your former bank.' After a slight hesitation, she put down 'Piggy.' ____________________________________________________ I went with my daughter to visit a prestigious university. Our student guide pointed out the nationally ranked library and state-of-the-art science facilities. She told us that the professors were the best in the country, and she re- commended my daughter apply early to improve her chances for admission. "We get so many applicants," she boasted, "because of the stature of the school." After the tour I asked our guide, "So, why did you choose this school?" "Oh," she replied matter-of-factly, "my boyfriend graduated here and works at the McDonalds across the street, and he has a car." ____________________________________________________
People are AWESOME, best of the month for March 2016.

Today on March 30
1533 Henry VIII divorced his first wife, Catherine of Aragon. 
1814 The allied European nations against Napoleon marched 
 into Paris. They did not like his ideas of democracy.
1822 Florida became a U.S. territory. 
1842 Dr. Crawford W. Long performed the first operation 
 while his patient was anesthetized by ether. 
1855 About 5,000 "Border Ruffians" from western Missouri 
 invaded the territory of Kansas and forced the election of 
 a pro-slavery legislature. It was the first election in Kansas. 
1858 Hyman L. Lipman of Philadelphia patented the pencil. 
1867 The U.S. purchased Alaska from Russia for $7.2 million.
1909 The Queensboro bridge in New York opened linking Manhattan 
 and Queens. It was the first double decker bridge. 
1909 In Oklahoma, Seminole Indians revolted against meager pay 
 for government jobs. 
1916 Pancho Villa killed 172 at the Guerrero garrison in Mexico. 
1936 Britain announced a naval construction program of 38 warships. 
1940 The Japanese set up a puppet government called Manchuko in 
 Nanking, China. 
1941 The German Afrika Korps under General Erwin Rommel began its 
 first offensive against British forces in Libya. 
1944 The U.S. fleet attacked Palau, near the Philippines. 
1945 The U.S.S.R. invaded Austria after World War II. 
1946 The Allies seized 1,000 Nazis attempting to revive 
 the Nazi party in Frankfurt. 
1950 The invention of the phototransistor was announced. 
1950 U.S. President Truman denounced Senator Joe McCarthy as 
 a saboteur of U.S. foreign policy. 
1964 John Glenn withdrew from the Ohio race for U.S. Senate 
 because of injuries suffered in a fall. 
1972 The British government assumed direct rule over 
 Northern Ireland. 
1972 The Eastertide Offensive began when North Vietnamese 
 troops crossed into the Demilitarized Zone (DMZ) in the 
 northern portion of South Vietnam. 
1975 As the North Vietnamese forces moved toward Saigon South 
 Vietnamese soldiers mob rescue jets in desperation. 
1981 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was shot and wounded in 
 Washington, DC, by John W. Hinckley Jr. Two police officers 
 and Press Secretary James Brady were also wounded. 
1987 Vincent Van Gogh's "Sunflowers" was bought for $39.85 million. 
1993 In Sarajevo, two Serb militiamen were sentenced to death for 
 war crimes committed in Bosnia. 
1993 In the Peanuts comic strip, Charlie Brown hit his first 
 home run. 
1994 Serbs and Croats signed a cease-fire to end their war in 
 Croatia while Bosnian Muslims and Serbs continued to fight each other. 
1998 Rolls-Royce was purchased by BMW in a $570 million deal. 
2002 An unmanned U.S. spy plane crashed at sea in the Southern 
 Philippines. 
2002 Islamic militants set off several grenades at a temple in 
 Indian-controlled Kashmir. Four civilians, four policemen and 
 two attackers were killed and 20 people were injured.
2016  smiled.


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Simple calendar 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 29

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida woman charged after she recorded herself having sex with two dogs Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 29, in 1974 Mariner 10, the U.S. space probe became the first spacecraft to reach the planet Mercury. It had been launched on November 3, 1973. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ "According to a new study, children that snore get lower grades...especially if they're snoring in class." --- Jay Leno The important thing is not to stop questioning. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Sitting by the window in her convent, Sister Anne opened a letter from home and found a $10 bill inside. As she read the letter, she caught sight of a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against a lamppost below. Quickly she wrote, "Don't despair, Sister Anne" on a piece of paper, wrapped the $10 in it and dropped it out the window. The stranger picked it up and, with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street. The next day Sister Anne was told that a man was at the door, insisting on seeing her. She went down and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a roll of bills. "What's this?" she asked. "That's the 60 bucks you have coming. 'Don't Despair' paid five to one." ______________________________________________________ A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 30mph for it to start. She said fine, hopped into her car and drove off. I sat there fuming wondering what she could be doing. A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 50 mph, I realized that I should have been a bit clearer with my directions. ______________________________________________________ Rainbow Clouds in Scotland ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Miranda Johns, 21, Naples, Floriduh Florida woman charged after she recorded herself having sex with two dogs A Florida woman was charged Monday with engaging in sexual conduct with animals. Collier County Sheriff’s Office deputies say Miranda Johns, 21, of Naples, recorded herself while she had sex with her two dogs, NBC affiliate WBBH-TV reports. Johns allegedly sent the videos to her boyfriend, according to WBBH-TV. The boyfriend later told officials about the footage during a domestic complaint call. Investigators allegedly found videos of the sexual encounters involving Johns’ two dogs and arrested her on three counts of engaging in sexual conduct with animals, and plastered her picture and name onto all the Florida news. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jeanne Re: Simple Calendar Dear Webby I need a simple calendar program, not to enter stuff into it, just for looking up what kind of weekday certain dates are. Thanks Jeanne Dear Jeanne get Windows to show the date in the right hand bottom corner, if it doesn't already. Just doubleclick the date, and a calendar pops up. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Arthur called in a repairman to fix his electric clock. He examined it and told him, "There's nothing wrong with the clock. You didn't have it plugged in." Arthur replied, "I don't want to waste electricity, so I only plug it in when I want to know what time it is." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recipe: Banana Bars By Robin [5,892 Posts, 29 Comments] Ingredients 1/2 cup margarine 1 1/2 cups sugar 1 cup mashed bananas 2 eggs 3/4 cup sour cream 1 tsp. vanilla 2 cups flour 1/4 tsp. salt 1 tsp. soda Frosting: 1 pkg. cream cheese (8oz.) 1/2 cup margarine 1 box powdered sugar (1lb.) 1 tsp. almond extract Directions Mix together above ingredients. Bake at 350 degrees F for 30 minutes or until golden brown. Frost, when cooled, with cream cheese frosting For frosting, mix together all ingredients until smooth. By Robin from Washington, IA ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ While on a car trip, an old couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. The old woman unfortunately left her glasses on the table, but didn't miss them until they were back on the highway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around. The old man fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant. When they finally arrived, as the old woman got out of the car to retrieve her glasses, the old man said, "While you're in there, you may as well get my hat, too." ___________________________________________________
the Voca People
____________________________________________________ A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly. "How did you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the preacher said: 'Four better, four worse, four richer, four poorer.' " ____________________________________________________ The young Ensign approached the crusty old Chief and asked him about the origin of the commissioned office insignias. "Well, Ensign, it's history and tradition. First, we give you a gold bar representing that you're valuable BUT malleable. The silver bar of a Lieutenant Junior Grade represents value, but less malleable. When you make Lieutenant, you're twice as valuable so we give you two silver bars. As a Captain, you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As an Admiral, you're obviously a star. That answer your question?" "Yes Sir, but what about Commanders and Lieutenant Commanders?" "Now that goes waaaaaay back in history. Back to the Garden of Eden even. You see, we've always covered our ***** with leaves. " ____________________________________________________
A man turns a single tree stump into a beautiful work of art.

Today on March 29
1461 Edward IV secured his claim to the English throne by 
 defeating Henry VI’s Lancastrians at the battle of Towdon. 
1638 First permanent European settlement in Delaware.
1847 U.S. troops under General Winfield Scott took possession 
 of the Mexican stronghold at Vera Cruz. 
1848 Niagara Falls stopped flowing for one day due to an ice jam. 
1867 The British Parliament passed the North America Act to 
 create the Dominion of Canada. 
1903 A regular news service began between New York and London 
 on Marconi's wireless. 
1906 In the U.S., 500,000 coal miners walked off the job 
 seeking higher wages. 
1936 Italy firebombed the Ethiopian city of Harar. 
1941 The British sank five Italian warships off the 
 Peloponnesus coast in the Mediterranean. 
1943 In the U.S. rationing of meat, butter and cheese 
 began during World War II. 
1951 The Chinese reject MacArthur's offer for a truce in Korea. 
1951 In the United States, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were 
 convicted of conspiracy to commit espionage. They were 
 executed in June 19, 1953. 
1962 Cuba opened the trial of the Bay of Pigs invaders. 
1967 France launched its first nuclear submarine. 
1971 Lt. William Calley Jr., of the U.S. Army, was found 
 guilty of the premeditated murder of at least 22 Vietnamese 
 civilians. He was sentenced to life imprisonment. The trial 
 was the result of the My Lai massacre in Vietnam in 1968. 
1971 A jury in Los Angeles recommended the death penalty for 
 Charles Manson and three female followers for the 1969 
 Tate-La Bianca murders. The death sentences were later 
 commuted to life in prison. 
1973 The last U.S. troops left South Vietnam.
1974 Mariner 10, the U.S. space probe became the first 
 spacecraft to reach the planet Mercury. It had been launched 
 on November 3, 1973. 
1974 Eight Ohio National Guardsmen were indicted on charges 
 stemming from the shooting deaths of four students at Kent 
 State University on May 4, 1970. All the guardsmen were 
 later acquitted. 
1975 Egyptian president Anwar Sadat declared that he would 
 reopen the Suez Canal on June 5, 1975. 
1979 The Committee on Assassinations Report issued by U.S. 
 House of Representatives stated the assassination of President 
 John F. Kennedy was the result of a conspiracy. 
1987 Hulk Hogan took 11 minutes, 43 seconds to pin Andre the 
 Giant in front of 93,136 at Wrestlemania III fans at the 
 Silverdome in Pontiac, MI. 
1992 Democratic presidential front-runner Bill Clinton said 
 "I didn't inhale and I didn't try it again" in reference to 
 when he had experimented with marijuana. 
1993 The South Korean government agreed to pay financial support 
 to women who had been forced to have sex with Japanese troops 
 during World War II. 
2004 Bulgaria, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Romania, Slovakia and 
 Slovenia became members of NATO.
2016  smiled.


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