Is CrapCleaner safe? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, November 27

Happy Thanksgiving Day, if you are in the USA!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Illinois crook, who faked a 911 call 
to avoid traffic ticket
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1970 Pope Paul VI, visiting the Philippines, was attacked at 
the Manila airport by a Bolivian painter disguised as a priest. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
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Take everything you like seriously, except yourselves. --- Rudyard Kipling (1865 - 1936) ______________________________________________________ A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable. The food is terrible. It´s too hot. It´s too cold. The accommodations are awful. The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. "Good luck will be followin´ ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone," the guide said. "Unfortunately, it´s being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow." "We can´t be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can´t kiss the stupid stone." "Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you´ll have the same good fortune." "And I suppose you´ve kissed the stone," the woman scoffed. "No, ma´am," the frustrated guide said, "but I´ve sat on it!!!" ______________________________________________________ At the outpatient surgery center where I work, the anesthesiologist often chatted with patients before their operations to help them relax. One day he thought he recognized a woman as a co-worker at the VA hospital where he had trained. When the patient confirmed that his hunch was correct, he said, "So, tell me, is the food still as bad there as it used to be?" "Well," she replied, "I'm still cooking it." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dawn for sending this picture: Click through for the big picture Old ice Pond, Maine ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jose Navarro Jr. also known as Jorge Navarro Jr. 23, Oak Lawn, Illinois. Jose Navarro Jr. Faked 911 Call To Avoid Traffic Ticket Nobody likes getting a traffic ticket, but calling in a fake shooting is not a way to get out of it. But that was the method Jose Navarro, Jr., allegedly used early Sunday morning after being pulled over by police in Oak Lawn, Illinois. Police said that during the traffic stop Navarro called 911 and falsely reported hearing eight gunshots. He also claimed that a man had been shot and was lying on the ground a few blocks away from where the police had stopped him, the Chicago Tribune reports. The idea, according to police, is that the officers who had pulled over Navarro would leave him to respond to the more serious call. It sort of worked: Several officers did drive to the scene with their emergency lights on, only to discover it was bogus, according to RedEye Chicago. Police then asked Navarro about the shooting and he allegedly admitted making it up to avoid getting traffic tickets, Patch Illinois reports. Navarro was arrested on a variety of charges including a felony charge for the made-up 911 call. He was also cited for illegal transportation of an open alcohol container, speeding, no seat belt, driving without lights and improper lane usage. He was ordered held on $50,000 bail on Sunday. The gang membership tattoo on his neck probably did not make the cops any more friendly than they were. Tech Support Pits From: Jerry Re: Is CrapCleaner safe Hi... I sent you an E-Mail last week and did'nt recive any reply... So, Guess I'll thy again... Can you tell me anything about the CrapCleaner... I've downloaded it,from your site here...but I don't want to use it unless I know its safe... Well it delete my files and/or programs that are on my Desktop ??? Thank You for any info... --- Jerry --- Dear Jerry Crap Cleaner is perfectly safe. It will just delete useless crap. If you are using cookies to sign in at the bank and places like that, take the checkmark off the cookies. Then it will leave those alone. It will show you first what it has found that is useless crap. You can look that over and un-check stuff if you think you might need. CrapCleaner will remember your preferences and next time not suggest anything that you had unchecked the last time. Quite often, if your machine slows down and gets close to stalling, running CrapCleaner will get things moving again and speed up the machine. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
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Just before their first long deployment two Navy buddies were talking about the stress of leaving their families. A senior officer, a veteran of many deployments, overheard the conversation and offered the following advice: "You must be sensitive to your wives' emotional needs," he said. "Never, ever, whistle while you pack!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com New Year, New Calendar As 2015 quickly approaches, I purchase a new calendar and write down all the birthdays of people I want to send a card/give a gift to. I use the 2014 calendar and go month by month to do that. For other appointments and important dates that I need to remember throughout the year, I purchase a small pack of sticky notes and I write just the appointment time and doctor's name or whatever on the sticky note and then I put it on the corresponding date of the appointment. For example, Dr Smith 2:45PM and I put the sticky note on the date i.e. January 13th. Dinner with Connie 6:00PM at Forrester's etc. etc. That way, if I have to change the appointment time, I don't have to scratch it off. I just move the sticky note and write the new time down, if necessary. That way, my calendar stays fairly neat looking without ink scratched off all over the place. There are a lot of sticky notes per pad and they are fairly inexpensive. Source: A co-worker from a long time ago By Kathy [57] Just get MyMemorizer from http://mymemorizer.com It is free and sends emails to you at intervals prior to the event, that YOU set, for example, 1 day before, 2,3,5 days, 1 week, 2, 3 weeks, 1 month before, etc. Plus it has a high visibility calendar that you can flip from month to month. Quite civilized, and free! Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ Our neighbor used the word hypochondriac to describe the phase her teen-age daughter was going though. One day the girl was convinced that the pain on her left side was appendicitis. Her mother explained that the appendix is on the right. "So that's why it hurts to much," her daughter said. "My appendix is on the wrong side." ______________________________________________________ Man to Ticket Agent: I want to buy a bus ticket for Norwald. Ticket Agent, Searching Book: "Norwald? Let me find that. Hmm... never heard of it. Let me see... Norwald. I don't see Norwald listed, and I can't find it on the map. Just where is Norwald, anyway?" Man: "Over there. He's my brother-in-law."


Triplet Images

Today in 
1889 Curtis P. Brady was issued the first permit to drive an 
  automobile through Central Park in New York City. 
1901 The Army War College was established in Washington, DC. 
1910 New York's Pennsylvania Station opened. 
1970 Pope Paul VI, visiting the Philippines, was attacked at 
  the Manila airport by a Bolivian painter disguised as a priest. 
1973 The U.S. Senate voted to confirm Gerald R. Ford as vice 
  president after the resignation of Spiro T. Agnew. 
1978 San Francisco Mayor George Moscone and City Supervisor 
  Harvey Milk, a gay-rights activist, were shot to death inside 
  City Hall by Dan White, a former supervisor. 
1983 183 people were killed when a Colombian Avianca Airlines 
  Boeing 747 crashed near Barajas airport in Madrid. 
1985 The British House of Commons approved the Anglo-Irish 
  accord giving Dublin a consulting role in the governing of 
  British-ruled Northern Ireland. 
1989 107 people were killed when a bomb destroyed a Colombian 
  jetliner minutes after the plane had taken off from Bogota's 
  international airport. Police blamed the incident on drug 
  traffickers. 
1992 In Venezuela, rebel forces tried but failed to overthrow 
 President Carlos Andres Perez for the second time in ten months.
2014  smiled.


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Audio drivers 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, November 26



Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Dopey Pennsylvania burglar found 
sleeping in school, with dope.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1992 The British government announced that Queen Elizabeth II 
  had volunteered to start paying taxes on her personal 
  income. She also took her children off the public payroll. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
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A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. --- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965) The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the fault finders. --- Foster's Law ______________________________________________________ A salesman attending a meeting on the coast was held up when a severe storm and a flood washed out the local airport. He wired his office: "Delayed by storm. Send instructions." His boss wired back: "We'll answer your calls. Your vacation has been approved to start immediately." ______________________________________________________ Upon retiring from the service, Don, needed a new ID card showing he had gone from active duty to retirement status. But the photo taken of him was not particularly good and he wasn't at all quiet about it. "If I have to carry that ID around with me for the rest of my life," he complained to the photographer, "I want a better picture." "Want a better picture?" asked the photographer defiantly. "Then bring us a better face!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dawn for sending this picture: Click through for the big picture Ouachita River in Louisiana ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John-Paul Sabara, 35, Middletown, PA Dopey burglar found sleeping in school, with dope Police outside Philadelphia say they found a man sleeping in a school hallway with a glass smoking pipe and a bag of synthetic marijuana marked "Scooby Snax." The Bucks County Courier Times reports police discovered John-Paul Sabara inside the Tawanka Learning Center in Lower Southampton around 3:20 a.m. Monday after spotting a bicycle parked outside the building. Police say the 35-year-old Middletown man growled, made strange sounds and acted aggressively toward officers trying to wake him. Police said Sabara also had a cellphone, memory cards and children's sneakers. He was arraigned on charges included criminal trespassing and drug possession and jailed in lieu of 10 percent of $500,000 bail. Sabara has previously served time for assault, burglary and firearm convictions. Tech Support Pits From: Jorge Re: Audio driver Hi Dear Webby, Working a problem with an installation of a Zoiper.com soft phone to use on my sonetel.com International phone setup. Installation program/diagnostics tell me that it is not finding my headset (earphones, microphone). I am trying to find out why and get this setup working. Activated, and ran my old inactive copy of DriverUpdate.net - got the latest update. Ran it and it tells me that there are 16 drivers either out-of-date or missing. Will cost me $30 to renew for another year. Was wondering if you had a favorite driver updater? Would rather seek your advice and buy through you than take a chance with this unknown. (Also their terms and conditions allow them a lot of leeway to bombard me with additional offers from them and all their friends/cousins/etc.!) Checked your list but didn't see any driver-updaters listed.... Am downloading a copy of Audacity to use it to see if my audio settings will work for it... test my Win 7 32 bit PC with something simpler than Zoiper... What say you, Sage of Alberta? What would you suggest? Kindest personal regards, Jorge Dear Jorge That is crooked bullshit. You can get free drivers from the manufacturer, IF you need them, AND for headsets you don't need any drivers. They just plug into the green socket for the earphones and the pink socket for the microphone. There is no software involved. Straight electrical. If you use a microphone older than you are, and speakers also older thna you are, they use the same audio drivers as the most modern headsets from Japan. Keep in mind, the Tooth fairie did not install new transistors into your audio amplifier while you were sleeping. There is NO change there, and the driver, that worked, when you bought your computer, still works. If your sockets are not damaged from throwing stuff onto the plugged in plugs, the speakers and the microphone work. It makes NO difference if you use a separate microphone or a mike on a head set. It is just electrical, not soft. Anybody telling you something different, is a crooked liar. Tell them to go ......... and to stick their phony driver updates where the sun don't shine! If you are worried your sockets have been damaged, try "Echo" on Skype. It will echo back to you what you have said. And yes, Audacity will be a good test too. It shows you a graph of the microphone input, and when you play it back, if you can't hear it, then your speaker socket is damaged. (Or the speakers are not powered. They need to be plugged in!) If the sockets are damaged, then you need to fix or replace them, and all the software updates in the world are not going to help there. If you are concerned about your audio drivers, get the Belarc Advisor from my tool box and see what kind of audio hardware you got installed. Then check if that company has a new driver. If they do, it will be free. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
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One day a co-worker told my friend, Stan, that she was going home early because she didn't feel well. Since Stan was just getting over something himself, he wished her well and said he hoped it wasn't something he had given her. A fellow worker piped up, "I sure hope not. She has morning sickness."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Turkey Breasts If you don't feel up to baking a whole turkey, the turkey breasts are a great option. They take much less time to thaw, give you lots of good breast meat and even have a gravy packet inside to help. If it is the day before Thanksgiving, unless you buy a fresh turkey, this may be your only option. Susan from ThriftyFun RIP ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ Men are good for only one thing! Upset over a newlywed squabble with my husband, I went to my mother to complain. Trying to console me, my dad said that men are not all like this all the time. "Nonsense," I said. "Men are good for only one thing!" "Yes," my mother interjected, "but how often do you have to parallel park?" ______________________________________________________ "Doctor!" said the woman as she loudly bounced into the room, "I want you to tell me very frankly what's wrong with me." He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you." "First, you need to lose at least twenty pounds. Second, you should use about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist - the doctor's office is on the next floor...."


Cool Braids

Today in 
1716 The first lion to be exhibited in America went on 
  display in Boston, MA. 
1789 U.S. President Washington set aside this day to observe 
  the adoption of the Constitution of the United States. 
1832 Public streetcar service began in New York City. 
1867 J.B. Sutherland patented the refrigerated railroad car. 
1917 The National Hockey League (NHL) was officially formed 
  in Montreal, Canada. 
1922 In Egypt, Howard Carter peered into the tomb of King 
  Tutankhamen. 
1940 The Nazis forced 500,000 Jews of Warsaw, Poland to 
  live within a walled ghetto. 
1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a bill 
  establishing the fourth Thursday in November as Thanksgiving 
  Day. In 1939 Roosevelt had signed a bill that changed the 
  celebration of Thanksgiving to the third Thursday of November. 
1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered nationwide 
  gasoline rationing to begin December 1. 
1942 The motion picture "Casablanca" had its world premiere 
  at the Hollywood Theater in New York City. 
1943 The HMS Rohna became the first ship to be sunk by a 
  guided missile. The German missile attack led to the death 
  of 1,015 U.S. troops. 
1949 India's Constituent Assembly adopted the country's 
  constitution The country became republic within the British 
  Commonwealth two months later. 
1950 China entered the Korean conflict forcing UN forces to retreat. 
1958 Maurice Richard (Montreal Canadiens) scored his 600th NHL 
  career goal. 
1965 France became the third country to enter space when it launched 
  its first satellite the Diamant-A. 
1973 Rose Mary Woods, told a federal court that she was responsible 
  for the 18-1/2 minute gap in a key Watergate tape. Woods was U.S. 
  President Nixon's personal secretary. 
1975 Lynette"Squeaky" Fromme was found guilty by a federal jury in 
  Sacramento, CA, for trying to assassinate U.S. President Ford 
  on September 5. 
1979 The International Olympic Committee voted to re-admit China 
  after a 21-year absence. 
1983 A Brinks Mat Ltd. vault at London's Heathrow Airport was 
  robbed by gunmen. The men made off with 6,800 gold bars worth 
  nearly $40 million. Only a fraction of the gold has ever been 
  recovered and only two men were convicted in the heist. 
1985 The rights to Richard Nixon's autobiography were acquired 
  by Random House for $3,000,000. 
1986 U.S. President Reagan appointed a commission headed by 
  former Sen. John Tower to investigate his National Security 
  Council staff after the Iran-Contra affair. 
1988 The U.S. denied an entry visa to PLO chairman Yasser 
  Arafat, who was seeking permission to travel to New York 
  to address the U.N. General Assembly. 
1990 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev met with Iraqi 
  Foreign Minister Tariq Aziz at the Kremlin to demand 
  that Iraq withdraw from Kuwait. 
1990 Matsushita Electric Industrial Co. agreed to acquire 
  MCA Inc. for $6.6 billion. 
1992 The British government announced that Queen Elizabeth II 
  had volunteered to start paying taxes on her personal 
  income. She also took her children off the public payroll. 
1995 Two men set fire to a subway token booth in the Brooklyn 
  borough of New York City. The clerk inside was fatally burned. 
1997 The U.S. and North Korea held high-level discussions at 
  the State Department for the first time. 
1998 British Prime Minister Tony Blair made a speech to the 
  Irish Parliament. It was a first time event for a 
  British Prime Minister. 
1998 Hulk Hogan announced that he was retiring from pro wrestling 
  and would run for president in 2000. 
2003 The U.N. atomic agency adopted a resolution that censured 
  Iran for past nuclear cover-ups and warning that it would be 
  policed to put to rest suspicions that the country had a 
  weapons agenda. 
2011 The Mars Science Laboratory/Curiosity spacecraft launched 
  from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, FL. The Mars rover 
  Curiosity landed on the floor of Gale Crater on August 6, 2012. 
2014  smiled.


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Restore lost desktop icons 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, November 25

Thank you, Sig!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Floriduh man accused of almost running 
down deputy in Kohl's parking lot
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1936 The Anti-Comintern Pact, an agreement between Japan and 
 Germany, was signed. The US started preparing for WWII 
 and Ford started building bombers.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
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Only the shallow know themselves. --- Oscar Wilde When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. --- Mark Twain ______________________________________________________ A little Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall for the first time. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father. "What is this, Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is". While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again, and a beautiful 24 year-old woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly "Son, go get your Mother." ______________________________________________________ Following an especially angry argument, Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to bed not speaking to each other. Needing to arise early the following morning, Mr. Smith left a note on his wife's bedside table that said, "Wake me at six." An exasperated Mr. Smith awoke at ten the following morning and rolled stiffly out of bed to see a note on his bedside table: "It's six, you bum! Get out of bed!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Janina for this picture: Click through for the big picture Dear Webby, Thank you for always sharing such good advice and humor to bring a smile to so many of us! Our temps are already 65f this morning - I know it's the jolt of warmth before the predicted Nor'easter comes through with winds, rains and snow on Wednesday and Thanksgiving. Just sharing a photo I was able to take of this Hawk visiting my area this morning. I heard a commotion of birds shrills outside, grabbed my camera and found this in the tree. Beautiful creature, don't you agree?! Janina from NJ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Alexander Ruff, Viera, Floriduh Floriduh man accused of almost running down deputy in Kohl's parking lot VIERA, Fla. Authorities in Brevard County are throwing the book at a man suspected of trying to run down an officer Alexander Ruff was wanted for stealing from a Kohl's Department Store in Viera on Monday, but now he's facing much more serious charges. Ruff is charged with aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer, fleeing and eluding, reckless driving, grand theft and more. A loss-prevention officer said he spotted Ruff stealing and called a deputy. In the parking lot of the store, the deputy injured his ankle as he dived away from Ruff's fleeing car. A chase ensued and covered about 14 miles to Cox Road in Cocoa. In court, prosecutors referred to Ruff's arrest record, which includes drug possession, credit card fraud, grand theft and dealing in stolen property. "He was originally placed on probation in these two cases in April of this year. Within a month he had violated," said prosecutor Gary Beatty. Ruff is being held without bail. Tech Support Pits From: Leesa Re: Lost desktop icons Hi Dear Webby, Greetings to you this fine morning. Hope all goes well in your world. I am stumped, and hope you can help me with this. Over the years the desktop icons and the Start Menu links to several games have been deleted. The games are still on the computer...see them in there when I did a Search...but I haven't a clue how to get them set up on the desktop and/or Start Menu so they can be played. Can't uninstall them because there is no way I could ever get them back. They were downloaded after purchase from various companies. I do have the registration codes for most of them. Your help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks a bunch. Havin' fun now Leesa Dear Leesa Yeah, Windows does loose desktop icons, especially if you change resolutions. 1) Search the games, 2) right-click 3) Make Desktop Shortcut 4) Drag the shortcut to the desktop. 5) Make a desktop folder and call it Games 6) Repeat steps 1,2,3,4 Drag the second icon into the Games folder. Now, the next time Windows looses it's marbles, you can simply CTRL-drag an icon from the Games folder onto the desktop. CTRL-drag will put a copy onto the desktop, without deleting the one in the Games folder. Windows will probably complain, that there is already one of those, even though it is not visible. Tell it to go ahead anyway. It may add [2] to the name of it, but that's OK. It will work just fine. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn't have a rifle. "That's no problem, son," said the sergeant. "Here, take this broom. Just point it at the enemy, and go 'Bangety Bang Bang.'" "But what about a bayonet, Sarge?" asked the young (and gullible) recruit. The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom, and attaches it to the handle end. "Here, use this ... just go, 'Stabity Stab Stab.'" The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his broom. Suddenly, an enemy soldier charges at him. The recruit points the broom. "Bangety Bang Bang!" The enemy falls dead. More enemies appear. The recruit, amazed at his good luck, goes "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" He mows down the enemy by the dozens. Finally, the battlefield is clear, except for one enemy soldier walking slowly toward him. "Bangety Bang Bang! shouts the recruit. The enemy keeps coming. "Bangety Bang Bang!" repeats the recruit, to no avail. He gets desperate. "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" It's no use. The enemy keeps coming. He stomps the recruit into the ground, mumbling "Tankety Tank Tank."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Litter Box Cover I have a large Rubbermaid-type storage container covering my kitty's litter box in my storage room. She used to kick litter all over the place. Now I have much less to sweep up, plus it looks much more pleasant for company. Turn the container upside-down and cut a doghouse-style opening in either the broad side or the end. Having the opening on the end will make an even more enclosed and private litter box. Use either a box cutter or strong shears, but be careful the plastic can be very tough. Once you've cut the opening, lay the lid on the floor. Place the box on top of it and snap the inverted container back on the lid. It only takes a few dollars and a few minutes to make a piece of furniture that is completely washable and will last practically forever. By Abigail A. [3] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ The man came home drunk at four in the morning, and his wife was all over him, yelling at him, crying because she thought he was with another woman. "No, honey, I swear, I was at this bar, and it was so fancy that even the urinals were made of gold." She said she didn't believe him so she called the bar. "Hello," she said, "I just want to ask one question. My husband claims to have spent the night at your bar and I have one question: "Are your urinals covered in gold?" To which she heard the bartender said, "Hey, Clarence, I think we found the drunk who peed into your tuba!" ______________________________________________________ "Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?" The father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't be right." "That's okay," replied Little Johnny, "but you could at least give it a try, couldn't you?"


Cool Braids

Today in 
1715 Sybilla Thomas Masters became the first American to be 
 granted an English patent for cleaning and curing Indian 
 corn. 
1758 During the French and Indian War, the British captured 
 Fort Duquesne at what is now known as Pittsburgh. 
1783 During the Revolutionary War, the British evacuated 
 New York. New York was their last military position in 
 the U.S. 
1837 William Crompton patented the silk power loom. 
1850 Texas relinquished one-third of its territory in 
 exchange for $10 million from the U.S. to pay its public 
 debts and settle border disputes. 
1867 Alfred Nobel patented dynamite. 
1884 J.B. Meyenberg received the patent for evaporated milk. 
1936 The Anti-Comintern Pact, an agreement between Japan and 
 Germany, was signed. The US started preparing for WWII.
1947 Movie studio executives meeting in New York agreed to 
 blacklist the "Hollywood 10," who were cited a day earlier 
 and jailed for contempt of Congress when they failed to 
 cooperate with the House Un-American Activities Committee. 
1973 Greek President George Papadapoulos was ousted in 
 military coup. 
1976 O.J. Simpson (Buffalo Bills) ran for 273 yards against 
 the Detroit Lions. 
1983 Mediators from Syria and Saudi Arabia announced a 
 cease-fire in the PLO civil war in Tripoli, Lebanon. 
1986 U.S. President Reagan and Attorney Gen. Edwin Meese 
 revealed that profits from secret arms sales to Iran had 
 been diverted to rebels in Nicaragua. National Security 
 Advisor John Poindexter resigned and Oliver North was fired. 
1990 Poland held its first popular presidential election. 
1992 The Czech parliament voted to split the country into 
 separate Czech and Slovak republics beginning January 1, 1993. 
1993 Egyptian Prime Minister Atef Sedki escaped an attempt 
 on his life when a bomb was detonated by Islamic militants 
 near his motorcade. 
1998 Britain's highest court ruled that former Chilean dictator 
 Augusto Pinochet, whose extradition was being sought by Spain, 
 could not claim immunity from prosecution for the crimes he 
 committed during his rule. 
1998 President Jiang Zemin arrived in Tokyo for the first visit 
 to Japan by a Chinese head of state since World War II. 
1998 The IMF (International Monetary Fund) approved a $5.5 billion 
 bailout for Pakistan.
2014  smiled.


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She can't get Actioncat cards 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, November 24

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Texan Bonehead, who Assaulted Girlfriend in
Hospital Before Biting Security Guard
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1998 AOL (America Online) announced a deal for their 
 purchase of Netscape for $4.21 billion. They killed and
 shelved Netscape and used Microsoft Internet Explorer
 instead of Netscape. There were no more updates or
 support for Netscape after AOL bought and killed it.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
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Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money. --- Arthur Miller A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students. --- John Ciardi ______________________________________________________ There are three ways to get things done: 1) do it yourself 2) hire someone to do it 3) forbid your kids to do it ______________________________________________________ A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!" The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dawn for sending this picture: Click through for the big picture Kentucky Fall ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Matthew Johnson, 23 Corpus Christie Texas Texan Bonehead Assaulted Girlfriend in Hospital Before Biting Security Guard A man in Corpus Christi, Texas, is behind bars after allegedly assaulting his girlfriend in a hospital while she was recovering from giving birth. The suspect, Matthew Johnson, 23, is also accused of biting a security guard who tried to remove him from Christus Spohn Hospital South. The alleged attack happened Tuesday after his 25-year-old girlfriend went to the nursery to see her child. When she returned, Johnson allegedly accused her of sleeping with hospital staff members and began punching her in the back of the head, according to KIII TV. Hospital staff and two security guards heard the ruckus and tried to remove Johnson from the premises, KZTV reports. The suspect allegedly refused and during an ensuing scuffle, police said Johnson bit a 56-year-old security guard on the thigh, breaking skin, according to the Corpus Christi Caller Times. Johnson was arrested for family violence assault and assault of a security officer, a third-degree felony. He was jailed in lieu of $11,000 bail. Tech Support Pits From: Courtenay Re: Can't get Actioncat.com cards Dear Webby! Hi again. I used Actioncat many times in the past with no problem with my yahoo account. Tonight I sent on from my gmail address to a gmail address and still nothing. There is no way to contact the person running the site... do you think it's more a website issue or still an email issue? Sent from my iPhone Dear Courtenay Meow! For Tester only! Tester sent you a postcard from Action Cat. To pick it up, just click on the link below: http://actioncat.com/platinum/ActionCatcard.cgi?1123233611044532 It works fine for me. Maybe your phone thinks you are a yahoo, or maybe you logged onto the net via Yahoo. Actioncat sends out the card pick-up notices to whatever you specified as the recipient address. Actioncat does not care what you specified. If there is any censoring, it is at the recipient end. Some days, when the card sending is hectic, it may take up to ten minutes until your card pick-up notice arrives, but it WILL arrive, unless there is censoring at your end. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
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A wealthy executive boarded a New York to Chicago train. He explained to the porter, "I'm a heavy sleeper, but I want you to be sure and wake me up at 3:00 am for the stop in Buffalo. I don't care what I say, you just make sure I get off in Buffalo." The next morning the executive woke up in Chicago. He was furious. He found the porter and really gave him an earful before hustling off to purchase a return ticket. After he left, a co-worker said to the porter, "How can you stand there and let that passenger abuse you like that?" "That's nothing," said the porter. "You should have heard the guy I kicked out in Buffalo!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bagel Slicer for Vegetables I constantly need to slice veggies like zucchini, eggplant and onions thinly for recipes and to dehydrate. Finally today I realized I could use the bagel slicer I received as a gift (and that I use so rarely) for this project too and make it more multifunctional! It held the onion firmly enough to get some great slices without any 'slips'! Just thought it might benefit my friends who may also have trouble slicing safely and thinly! :D By Donna [168] Look for a Borner V-Slicer. They are like a "Mandolin", but the blades are in V formation. With that you can slice veggies as thin as paper or about 3/16" thick (about the same as with your bagel slicer). The veggies or fruit are held by a computer mouse size grip to keep your hands safe, and you just slide the mouse back and forth in the tray. Works very fast! You can also cut tomatoes or potatoes or fruit into into cubes. I have used them since the 70's. The blades last about 15 years with heavy use. A paper thin slice of hot, red onion will do wonders for any hamburger or sandwich, and few people can figure out why it tastes so fresh and refreshing. This is not an ad. I just love my V-Slicer. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest tranquilizers used regularly." On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers worked?" "Yes" the mother answered. "And how is your son now?" he asked. "Who cares?" she replied. ______________________________________________________ Anna gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to economy because she doesn't have a first class ticket. Anna replies, "I'm beautiful, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the woman to leave and she says, "I'm beautiful, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The stewardesses don't know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they get the co-pilot. The co-pilot goes up to Anna and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the economy section. The head stewardess asked the co-pilot what he said to get her to move. The co-pilot replied, "My wife has the same hair color. I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica".


Amphibious Machines

Today in 
1615 French King Louis XIII married Ann of Austria. They 
 were both 14 years old. 
1859 Charles Darwin, a British naturalist, published 
 "On the Origin of Species." It was the paper in which he 
 explained his theory of evolution through the process of 
 natural selection. 
1863 During the Civil War, the battle for Lookout Mountain 
 began in Tennessee. 
1874 Joseph F. Glidden was granted a patent for a barbed 
 fencing material. 
1903 Clyde J. Coleman received the patent for an electric 
 self-starter for an automobile. 
1940 Nazis closed off the Jewish ghetto in Warsaw, Poland
 after they had staged a bloody riot. Over the next three 
 years the population dropped from 350,000 to 70,000 due 
 to starvation, disease and deportations to concentration 
 camps. 
1944 During World War II, the first raid against the Japanese 
 capital of Tokyo was made by land-based U.S. bombers. 
1947 The "Hollywood 10," were cited for contempt of Congress 
 for refusing to answer questions about alleged Communist 
 influence in their industry. 
1963 Dallas nightclub owner Jack Ruby shot and killed Lee 
 Harvey Oswald live on national television. 
1969 Apollo 12 landed safely in the Pacific Ocean bringing 
 an end to the second manned mission to the moon. 
1971 Hijacker Dan Cooper, known as D.B. Cooper, parachuted 
 from a Northwest Airlines 727 over Washington state with 
 $200,000 in ransom. 
1983 The Palestine Liberation Organization released six 
 Israeli prisoners in exchange for the release of 4,500 
 Palestinians and Lebanese held by the Israelis. 
1985 In Malta, Egyptian commandos stormed an Egyptian 
 jetliner. 60 people died in the raid. 
1987 The U.S. and the Soviet Union agreed to scrap short- 
 and medium-range missiles. It was the first superpower 
 treaty to eliminate an entire class of nuclear weapons. 
1989 Czechoslovakia's hard-line party leadership resigned 
 after more than a week of protests against its policies. 
1992 In China, a domestic jetliner crashed, killing 141. 
1993 The U.S. Congress gave its final approval to the 
 Brady handgun control bill. 
1993 Robert Thompson and Jon Venables (both 11 years old) 
 were convicted of murdering 2-year-old James Bulger of 
 Liverpool, England. They were both sentenced to 
 "indefinite detention". and released after five years. 
1995 In Ireland, the voters narrowly approved a 
 constitutional amendment legalizing divorce. 
1998 AOL (America Online) announced a deal for their 
 purchase of Netscape for $4.21 billion. They killed and
 shelved Netscape and used Microsoft Internet Explorer
 instead of Netscape. There were no more updates or
 support for Netscape after AOL bought and killed it.
2014  smiled.


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McAfee Remover 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, November 23

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Floriduh drunk who expected service at a Taco Bell
after 3 am, and then grabbed a cop.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1889 The first jukebox made its debut in San Francisco, 
 at the Palais Royale Saloon.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
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Lack of money is no obstacle. Lack of an idea is an obstacle. --- Ken Hakuta We don't bother much about dress and manners in England, because as a nation we don't dress well and we've no manners. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) ______________________________________________________ Kyle and Justin were sitting down to eat their supper with the baby sitter when 6 year old Kyle saw the baby sitter sit down in his daddy's seat. "You can't sit in Daddy's seat!" Kyle exclaimed. "Daddy's not home," the baby sitter replied, matter-of-factly. "Since I'm responsible for you while he's gone, I can sit here. Today I'm the boss." Justin, the 4 year old, quickly piped up, "If you're the boss, you have to sit over there in Mommy's chair!" ______________________________________________________ Harold the Computer Guy I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Harold, the computer guy, to come over. Harold clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?" He replied, "It was an 'ID ten T' error." I didn't want to appear stupid, but I nonetheless inquired, "An ID ten T Error? What's that, in case I need to fix it again?" Harold grinned. "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?" "No," I replied. "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out." So I wrote it down. I D 1 0 T I used to like Harold. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dawn for sending this picture: Click through for the big picture KansasS600 Fall ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gabriel Harris, 33 New Smyrna Beach, Floriduh Floriduh drunk who expected service at a Taco Bell after 3 am, and then grabbed a cop. A drunken New Smyrna Beach bicyclist whose drive-through order at Taco Bell was rejected because he was too late and because he wasn't in a car, refused to leave the restaurant area and then tussled with police, according to an arrest report. Gabriel Harris, 33, was charged with resisting an officer with violence in the late-night incident and was out of the Volusia County Branch Jail on $1,000 bail, records show. According to the report, Taco Bell workers called police at 3:10 a.m. Sunday after Harris and a woman, both intoxicated, would not leave the restaurant area at 1860 State Road 44 in New Smyrna Beach. Police found Harris on a bicycle by the menu speaker, a report states. Aron Tobler, the employee, said he refused service to Harris and Sarah Haliburton because “they placed an order on bicycles” in the drive through window, the report states. Orders have to be placed at the menu speaker, not at the pick-up window, and before closing time. Haliburton was not charged. Police said Harris got to the restaurant after it closed at 3 a.m. As police were asking Harris to leave, they spotted a red Swiss Army knife on Harris' belt loop and tried to reach for it. Harris grabbed the officer's wrist and Harris was promptly wrestled to the ground and handcuffed. Harris suffered a scraped forehead from that, police said. Tech Support Pits From: Cherie Re: McAfee remover Dear Webby! Dear Webby, I hve noticed that on your website you have a link to get rid of Norton.... do you have one to get rid of Mcafee Security Center??? Cherie Dear Cherie Unlike Norton, McAfee can be cleanly UNinstalled from the Control Panel, Add/Remove Programs. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
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>From Ben A few years ago I went to visit my brother who was stationed in Germany. I assumed that enough Germans would speak English so that I could at least get around. But I found that many people spoke only their native tongue - including the ticket inspector on the train. He punched my ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. I just nodded from time to time to show him that I was interested. When he had gone, an American woman soldier in the compartment leaned forward and asked if I spoke German. "No," I confessed. "Then that explains," she said, "why you didn't bat an eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong train, going in the wrong direction, and that there was no scheduled stop for another hour."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Litter Box Tending Easier Get 4 or 5 litter boxes of the same size. Fill each one with a few inches of litter, or however much you use. Stack one on top of another. My cat can jump into the top box. When it's time to change the litter just remove the top most box. I use inexpensive plastic "busing" tubs that I get from a webrestaurant supply store. They are 7 inches high, less than four dollars each and stack-able. If you put enough litter in each box and dispose of it before any moisture gets to the bottom of pan, you can just pour the used litter out and the bottom of the pan will be clean. I use wood stove pellets for litter. By jean99 [5] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ After the christening of his baby brother in church, little five-year-old Johnny sat in the back seat, unusually quite. Very softly he started to cry until his father noticed him sobbing. "What's wrong, little Johnny?" asked his father. Between sniffles little Johnny replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a good Christian home, but I want to stay with you guys instead!" ______________________________________________________ A teacher announced that to practice spelling, each member of the class would say what their father did for a living an then spell the occupation. A girl named Mary went first. "My dad is a baker, b-a-k-e-r, and if he were here, he would give each of us a cookie." Next came Tommy. "My dad is a banker,b-a-n-k-e-r, and if he were here, he'd give each of us a quarter." Third came Jimmy. "My dad is an electrician. But after struggling through a number of attempts to spell the word, the teacher asked him to sit and think about it for a moment while she called on someone else. She then turned to little Johnny. "My dad is a bookie, b-o-o-k-i-e," Johnny said. "And if he were here, he'd lay you 8-to-5 that Jimmy ain't never gonna spell electrician!"


Amphibious Machines

Today in 
1765 Frederick County, MD, repudiated the British Stamp Act. 
1835 Henry Burden patented the horseshoe manufacturing 
 machine. 
1889 The first jukebox made its debut in San Francisco, 
 at the Palais Royale Saloon. 
1890 Princess Wilhelmina became Queen of the Netherlands 
 at the age of 10 when her father William III died. 
1943 During World War II, U.S. forces seized control of 
 Tarawa and Makin from the Japanese during the Central 
 Pacific offensive in the Gilbert Islands. 
1945 The U.S. wartime rationing of most foods ended. 
1948 Dr. Frank G. Back patented the "Zoomar" lens. 
1961 The Dominican Republic changed the name of its capital 
 from Ciudad Trujillo to Santo Domingo. 
1971 The People's Republic of China was seated in the United 
 Nations Security Council. 
1979 In Dublin, Ireland, Thomas McMahon was sentenced to life 
 imprisonment for the assassination of Earl Mountbatten. 
1980 In southern Italy, approximately 4,800 people were killed 
 in a series of earthquakes. 
1983 The first Pershing II missiles were deployed in West 
 Germany. In response, the U.S.S.R. broke off International 
 Nuclear Forces (INF) talks in Geneva. 
1985 Larry Wu-tai Chin, a retired CIA analyst, was arrested 
 and accused of spying for China. He committed suicide a 
 year after his conviction. 
1985 Gunmen hijacked an Egyptian jetliner en route from Athens 
 to Cairo. The plane was forced to land in Malta. 
1988 Wayne Gretzky scored his 600th National Hockey League 
 (NHL) goal. 
1989 Lucia Barrera de Cerna, a housekeeper who claimed she 
 had witnessed the slaying of six Jesuit priests and two 
 other people at the Jose Simeon Canas University in 
 El Salvador, was flown to the U.S. 
1994 About 111 people, mostly women and children, were 
 killed in a stampede after Indian police baton-charged 
 tribal protesters in the western city of Nagpur.
1998 Dennis Rodman filed for an annulment from Carmen 
 Electra. The two had been married on November 14, 1998. 
1998 The tobacco industry signed the biggest U.S. civil 
 settlement. It was a $206-billion deal to resolve 
 remaining state claims for treating sick smokers. 
1998 A U.S. federal judge rejected a Virginia county's 
 effort to block pornography on library computer calling 
 the attempt unconstitutional. 
2010 North Korea shelled Yeonpyeong Island. 
2014  smiled.


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Update Chrome 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, November 22

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
NJ woman fighting crosswalk ticket, 
saying she was scared of the padded duck.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1963 U.S. President Kennedy was assassinated while riding in 
 a motorcade in Dallas, TX. Texas Governor John B. Connally 
 was also seriously wounded. Vice-President Lyndon B. Johnson 
 was inaugurated as the 36th U.S. President. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
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A writer is a person for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people. --- Thomas Mann (1875 - 1955) The first marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. The second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. The third marriage is the triumph of stupidity. -- Lydia (on my 4th) ______________________________________________________ One October my wife and I spent a vacation on Washington's Olympic Peninsula. We were eager to visit the rain forests near the coast, but we heard that snow slides had made some of the roads impassable. Although apprehensive about the conditions we might run into, we drove on. Sure enough, we had gone only a short way up the High Rain Forest road when we saw a sign: "Ice 10 miles." Five miles farther on there was another: "Ice 5 miles." The next one was: "Ice 1/2 mile." We practically crept that half-mile. We came to the last sign. It was outside a small grocery, and it read: "Ice 75 cents." ______________________________________________________ >From Laura When I was a 20-something college student, I became quite friendly with my study partner, a 64-year-old man, who had returned to school to finish his degree. He confessed, with a wink, that he had once thought more than friendship might be a possibility between us. "So what changed your mind?" I asked him. "I went to my doctor and asked if he thought a 40-year age difference between a man and woman was insurmountable. He looked at my chart and said, 'You're interested in someone who's 104?'" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dawn for sending this picture: Click through for the big picture Indiana Fall ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Karen Haigh River Edge, Fort Lee NJ Woman fighting crosswalk ticket, saying she was scared of the padded duck. Police in New Jersey used an undercover cop dressed in a Donald Duck costume to bust dozens of drivers for failing to yield to a pedestrian on Halloween. There are new traffic problems in Fort Lee — motorists who don’t yield to Donald Duck. Police in the New Jersey town used an undercover officer, dressed in a Donald Duck costume, to bust dozens of drivers for failing to yield to a pedestrian on Halloween. The costumed cop was hard to miss — the costume made the officers wearing it seem like they were 6-foot-4. Whenever Donald Duck stepped into a crosswalk and a motorist did not stop, uniformed cops pulled them over down the road and gave them a moving violation carrying a $230 fine, ABC News reported. Plus 2 points on their license. The cop was well padded in the high visibility duck costume to reduce injuries, when drivers did not stop, and was more than obvious enough, so that nobody could claim, they did not see him. One bimbo complained, that she was scared of the big duck! “They told me I was getting a ticket for not stopping for a duck,” motorist Karen Haigh told the TV station. “But it scared me. I’m a woman. This huge duck scared me.” Let's hope she will be charged with attempted murder! They need a cop dressed as a granny or grampa, and swinging a lead pipe to take out those expensive headlights, to mark the perps. Then painted fishlips won't have an excuse. Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: Chrome Update Dear Webby! Dear Webby, Need you help once again. This morning McAfee advised of updates and one of those was for Chrome. The Chrome update needed to be accomplished directly from Chrome. I've attempted to download but once it shows the completion of the download it goes to the page screen printed below and I do not know what to do next. Chrome's site is not much help. Hence, I defer to you. Frank Dear Frank I use the "Downloads Button" from http://singleclickapps.com/downloads-app/ It shows in the left lower corner what has been downloaded. So I hit that and get the request to RUN the update. Without that button, you have to find where the update got saved to. In my case, that is in E:\Tools\Chrome but only you know where you saved it to on your machine. If you can't find it easily, just download it again, and this time park it in an easy to find spot. You might want to start some organization, like I do with E:\Tools\Chrome E:\Tools\FireFox E:\Tools\McAfee E:\Tools\RoboForm etc., and always save stuff where it belongs. Makes life a lot easier than having to search for it. You CAN search for "ChromeSetup.exe" or "ChromeSetup", and double-click that, when you find it. That will work too. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
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Wilbur got a job on the railways as a steward. For the first day he accompanied another steward to learn the ropes. "It's very simple," said his tutor, "Just use diplomacy." "What's diplomacy?" asked Wilbur. "Watch me I'll show you". Off they went down the train corridor, rattling compartment doors, opening them with special keys and offering tea or coffee. When the tutor steward flung open one door he was confronted with a buck naked woman. Without batting an eyelid he asked "Tea or coffee, sir?" The surprised woman took the cup of tea and he shut the door. "Wow, did you see that cutie!" Wilbur said excitedly. "She had no clothes on. But hey, why did you call her sir?" "That's diplomacy! I did not want to embarrass her". Wilbur was most impressed with his teacher. The next day, on his own now, he flung open a door to a compartment and found a couple making love on the bed. "Tea or coffee, sir?" "Tea" the man replied. "And for your brother?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Your Own Funnel Need a funnel in a pinch? Cut off the bottom of a 2 liter or 1/2 liter bottle. This works great, and only costs 10 cents (which is the deposit price in Michigan). You can make it as tall or short as you want. By melmarr from Michigan Gallon jugs with the nice and convenient handle work very well too, especially for making a funnel to top off the motor oil or windshield washer fluid. Put the funnel, that you use for motor oil, into an empty shopping bag, so that it does not attract dust. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dave for ths story: The parents in our cycling group were discussing the subject of teenagers and their appetites. Most agreed that teenagers would eat anything, anywhere and at any time. Some were concerned that such appetites always made it hard to judge when you should feed them because they were always grazing. A veteran parent of six children told us of his method for judging the true hunger of teenagers. "I would hold up a piece of cold, cooked broccoli, and if they were jumping and snapping at it, I figured they were hungry enough to be fed." ______________________________________________________ Co-workers sympathized as Ellie complained that her back was really sore from moving furniture. "Why don't you wait till your husband gets home?" someone asked. "I could," Ellie told the group," but the couch is easier to move when he's not on it."


Amphibious Machines

Today in 
1699 A treaty was signed by Denmark, Russia, Saxony and Poland 
 for the partitioning of the Swedish Empire. 
1718 English pirate Edward Teach (a.k.a. "Blackbeard") was 
 killed during a battle off the coast of North Carolina. 
 British soldiers cornered him aboard his ship and killed 
 him. He was shot and stabbed more than 25 times. 
1899 The Marconi Wireless Company of America was incorporated 
 in New Jersey. 
1910 Arthur F. Knight patented a steel shaft to replace wood 
 shafts in golf clubs. 
1928 In Paris, "Bolero" by Maurice Ravel was first performed 
 publicly. 
1935 The first trans-Pacific airmail flight began in Alameda, 
 CA, when the flying boat known as the China Clipper left for 
 Manila. The craft was carrying over 110,000 pieces of mail. 
1942 During World War II, the Battle of Stalingrad began. 
1943 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt, British Prime Minister 
 Winston Churchill and Chinese leader Chiang Kai-shek met in 
 Cairo to discuss the measures for defeating Japan. 
1963 U.S. President Kennedy was assassinated while riding in 
 a motorcade in Dallas, TX. Texas Governor John B. Connally 
 was also seriously wounded. Vice-President Lyndon B. Johnson 
 was inaugurated as the 36th U.S. President. 
1972 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon lifted a ban on American 
 travel to Cuba. The ban had been put in place on February 8, 1963. 
1975 Juan Carlos I was proclaimed King of Spain upon the death of 
 Gen. Francisco Franco. 
1975 "Dr. Zhivago" appeared on TV for the first time. NBC paid 
 $4 million for the broadcast rights. 
1977 Regular passenger service on the Concorde began between 
 New York and Europe. 
1983 The Bundestag approved NATO's plan to deploy new U.S. 
 nuclear missiles in West Germany. 
1985 38,648 immigrants became citizens of the United States. 
 It was the largest swearing-in ceremony. 
1986 An Iranian surface-to-surface missile hit a residential 
 area in the Iraqi capital of Baghdad, wounding 20 civilians. 
1986 Mike Tyson became the youngest to wear the world 
 heavyweight-boxing crown. He was only 20 years and 4 months old. 
1989 Rene Moawad, the president of Lebanon, was assassinated less 
 than three weeks after taking office by a bomb that exploded 
 next to his motorcade in West Beirut. 
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush and his wife, Barbara
 shared Thanksgiving dinner with U.S. troops in Saudi Arabia. 
1993 Mexico's Senate overwhelmingly approved the North American 
 Free Trade Agreement. 
1994 Inside the District of Columbia's police headquarters a 
 gunman opened fire. Two FBI agents, a city detective and 
 the gunman were killed in the gun battle. 
1994 In northwest Bosnia, Serb fighters set villages on fire 
 in response to a retaliatory air strikes by NATO. 
1998 CBS's "60 Minutes" aired a tape of Jack Kevorkian giving 
 lethal drugs in an assisted suicide of a terminally ill patient. 
 Kevorkian was later sentenced to 25 years in prison for 
 second-degree murder. 
2005 Angela Merkel was elected as Germany's first female chancellor. 
2013 The discovery of Siats meekerorum was announced. The dinosaur 
 skeleton, more than 30 feet long, was found in eastern Utah. 
2014  smiled.


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Pictures not showing in Gmail 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, November 21
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Woman charged with child abuse 
after mixing in at a girl fight
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1980 An estimated 83 million viewers tuned in to find out 
 "who shot J.R." on the CBS prime-time soap opera Dallas. 
 Kristin was the character that fired the gun.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
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I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) ______________________________________________________ A visitor to a college campus paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall. "It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway." "Actually," said the guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation." "Oh? Was Joshua Hemingway a writer also?" "Yes, indeed. He wrote a check." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: Husband: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger? Wife: I clean the toilet. Husband: How does that help? Wife: I use your toothbrush. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dawn for sending this picture: Click through for the big picture Sawtooth Mountains, Idaho ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Patria Delois Holman, 39, Fort Walton Beach, Floriduh Woman charged with child abuse after mixing in at a girl fight FORT WALTON BEACH - A 39-year-old Fort Walton Beach woman is charged with participating in a fight between teenage girls in front of a drug store. Okaloosa County Sheriff’s deputies were called for a large crowd of juveniles fighting in the parking lot of CVS, according to the arrest report. One of the participants said she and her cousins were at McDonalds when another woman and her daughters pulled up at CVS. An argument started in the parking lot, after which a fight broke out, the report said. One of the youths said she heard Patria Delois Holman screaming, “send her to the hospital,” encouraging one of the girls to continue striking another. While one of the girls was “on the ground,” Holman “kicked (the victim) in the face and in the stomach,” according to the report. A witness reported seeing Holman kick the girl and yell encouragement at another girl. Holman said she went to the Beal Parkway pharmacy to pick up medicine when a group of girls began taunting a relative, the report said. Holman told deputies that she was just “a mother” who didn’t want to see a child hurt and that the “situation is terrible.” She denied striking anyone, according to the report. The girl had injuries to her face, arm and leg. Holman is charged with child abuse without great bodily harm and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Her next scheduled court date is Dec. 16. Most courts frown upon anyone mixing into a fight in progress and participating. It will be interesting to see what the results will be. Tech Support Pits From: Patti Re: No pictures in gmail Dear Webby! Dear Webby, I just switched from corecomm webmail to Gmail. Only problem, the graphics don't come through.Only the semaphone flag as shown above. having fun, Patti Dear Patti The pictures DO come through, it's just that you have them turned off in the quickie-preview. The Web page on-line Quickie preview in gmail is just that, a preview, to sneak a peek at your mail at the cyber cafe at lunch or while away from your main machine. Once back at work or at home, wherever your main machine is, you haul your mail down with Eudora, Thunderbird, Outlook, whatever. To speed things up at the cybercafe, the sneak preview has the pictures turned off by default. You CAN turn them on easily enough after a bit of hunting around in the options. They change the ways for turning the pictures on quite often, but usually you can get at that by right-clicking the icon for the hidden pictures. Gmail is an excellent program, and it is great at what it does, but it is not intended to be the final sorting and filing program. Eudora, Thunderbird, Outlook, whatever, do that. If you don't bother sorting mail into different boxes and just want to use Gmail as your one and only mail program, spend half an hour customizing it to your liking, and turn the pictures on at the same time. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
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On the first day of school, the kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How is that gonna help?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Double Up Flat Pillows Pillows, we all know, are costly but here is a tip to to stretch dollars for those buying new pillows. What I do when they go flat is to put two flat pillows in my pillow shams to have a nice plump sham. I even will use two in regular pillow covers for a nice big pillow, made out of two tired old flat ones. By Leigh H. [1] You can plump up flat pillows by putting a squirt of hair conditioner into the final rinse when washing them. Then dry them with a tennis ball in the dryer, or on the line, when the moon goes over high up, not near the horizon. It makes no difference how much of the moon you see, just where it goes over, high or low. That makes a huge difference with feather pillows, but is quite noticeable too with shredded foam pillows. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ >From Robert A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 30mph for it to start. She said "fine!" hopped into her car and drove off. I sat there fuming wondering what she could be doing. A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 40 mph, I suddenly realized that I should have been a bit clearer with my directions... ______________________________________________________ It has been proven that Adam was a Mennonite. Only a Mennonite man could stand in front of a naked woman and be tempted by an apple.


Pictures of different types of eggs

Today in 
1620 The Mayflower reached Provincetown, MA. The ship 
 discharged the Pilgrims at Plymouth, MA, on Dec 26, 1620. 
1783 The first successful flight was made in a hot air balloon. 
 The pilots, Francois Pilatre de Rosier and Francois Laurent, 
 Marquis d'Arlandes, flew for 25 minutes and 5½ miles over Paris. 
1871 M.F. Galethe patented the cigar lighter. 
1877 Thomas A. Edison announced the invention of his phonograph.
1929 Spanish surrealist Salvador Dali had his first art exhibit. 
1942 The Alaska Highway across Canada was formally opened. 
1953 British Natural History Museum authorities announced that 
 "Piltdown Man" was a hoax. 
1962 U.S. President Kennedy terminated the quarantine measures 
 against Cuba. 
1979 The U.S. Embassy in Islamabad, Pakistan, was attacked by 
 a mob that set the building afire and killed two Americans. 
1980 An estimated 83 million viewers tuned in to find out 
 "who shot J.R." on the CBS prime-time soap opera Dallas. 
 Kristin was the character that fired the gun.
1980 87 people died in a fire at the MGM Grand Hotel-Casino 
 in Las Vegas, NV. 
1985 Former U.S. Navy intelligence analyst Jonathan Jay 
 Pollard was arrested after being accused of spying for Israel. 
 He was later sentenced to life in prison. 
1987 An eight-day siege began at a detention center in Oakdale, 
 LA, as Cuban detainees seized the facility and took hostages. 
1989 The proceedings of Britain's House of Commons were 
 televised live for the first time. 
1992 U.S. Senator Bob Packwood, issued an apology but refused 
 to discuss allegations that he'd made unwelcome sexual 
 advances toward 10 women in past years. 
1993 The U.S. House of Representatives voted against making the 
 District of Columbia the 51st state. 
1994 NATO warplanes bombed an air base in Serb-held Croatia 
 that was being used by Serb planes to raid the Bosnian 
 "safe area" of Bihac. 
1995 France detonated its fourth underground nuclear blast 
 at a test site in the South Pacific. 
1999 China announced that it had test-launched an unmanned 
 space capsule that was designed for manned spaceflight. 
2000 The Florida Supreme Court granted Al Gore's request to 
 keep the presidential recounts going. 
2001 Microsoft Corp. proposed giving $1 billion in computers, 
 software, training and cash to more than 12,500 of the 
 poorest schools in the U.S. The offer was intended as part 
 of a deal to settle most of the company's private antitrust 
 lawsuits. 
2002 NATO invited Latvia, Estonia, Lithuania, Bulgaria, Romania, 
Slovakia and Slovenia to become members. 
2014  smiled.


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Nazis in Germany tricked 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, November 20

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Nazis in Germany, that were 
tricked into marching and fund raising for Anti-Nazis.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1995 Princess Diana admitted being unfaithful to Prince 
 Charles in an interview that was broadcast on BBC. Since
 Princess Diana was the darling of British media, Charles 
 was blamed for that.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
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If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much. --- Donald H. Rumsfeld (1932 - ) ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Connie for this story: My uncle Joe and his best buddy, Bubba, went hunting a couple of weeks ago. Somehow they got lost. Uncle Joe reassured his buddy, though. "Don't worry. All we have to do is shoot into the air three times, stay where we are, and someone will find us." They shot in the air three times, but no one came. After a while, they tried it again. Still no response. When they decided to try once more, Bubba said, "It better work this time. We're down to our last three arrows." ______________________________________________________ A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian. "What is it made of?" she asked. "Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied. "I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us." "Yes, they do, brave oyster wrestler!" ______________________________________________________ GROAN ALERT One day in the forest, three animals were discussing who among them was the most powerful. "I am," said the hawk, "because I can fly and swoop down swiftly at my prey." "That's nothing," said the mountain lion, "I am not only fleet, but I have powerful teeth and claws." "I am the most powerful," said the skunk, "because with a flick of my tail, I can drive off the two of you." Just then a huge grizzly bear lumbered out of the forest and settled the debate by eating them all. . . . hawk, lion, and stinker. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Jean for sending this picture: Click through for the big picture Japanese Maple ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to NeoNazis in Germany Neo-Nazis tricked into marching and Fundraising for Anti-Nazis Neo-Nazis were tricked into raising money for an Anti-Nazi charity through their annual march in a small town in Germany. Neo-Nazis were tricked into raising money for an anti-Nazi charity through their annual march in a small town in Germany. Supporters of Hitler's Third Reich march through Wunsiedel - the burial site of Rudolf Hess - every November to mark National Heroes' Remembrance Day. But this year, campaign group Right against Right convinced residents to donate 10 euro to a charity that helps people leave extremist groups for each metre the neo-Nazis marched. Villagers even put up motivational signs along the route, and showered the neo-Nazis with confetti when they finished. And they set up a stall providing snacks for the walkers under the banner 'Mein Mampf' - which translates as 'My Fight'. "It was an absolute success," Inge Schuster, spokesman for the mayor of Wunsiedel, told The Local online newspaper. "It created something positive out of the march, including the 10,000 euro donation for EXIT-Deutschland." A Right Against Right spokesman said residents were sick of the sight of Neo-Nazis walking through their community each year. "We could not stop them - but we could make them walk for something meaningful: and that is how for the first time a right-wing memorial march became a charity walk - without the participants knowing," he said. The Neo-Nazis, who fight against illegal Muslim immigrants, thought "Exit Deutschland" was about getting illegal Muslim immigrants out, not getting nazis out. "For every metre they walked, 10 euros went to EXIT-Deutschland - a Nazi opt-out programme. The result: 10,000 euros and lots of surprised right-wing extremists." Details and pictures Tech Support Pits From: -- Re: No question Dear Webby! Dear webby , no question -- Dear -- No answer Have FUN! DearWebby
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>From Bonnie It was our second anniversary, and my husband sent me flowers at the office. He told the florist to write "Happy Anniversary, Year Number 2" on the card. I was thrilled with the flowers, but not so pleased with the card. It read "Happy Anniversary. You're Number 2."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Household Cleaner This is the best all-purpose household cleaner I know of. I make a batch and put it in an old spray bottle that once held a commercial cleaner. I keep the extra in an old gallon sized vinegar bottle. Ingredients 1 gallon water 1 cup ammonia (not the sudsy kind) 1 cup white vinegar 1 cup washing soda Directions Mix the ingredients until dissolved. You may want to test it on painted surfaces before using. I've never had it fade any paint, but you never know. By Copasetic 1 from North Royalton, OH ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ Jill complained to Nina, "Rosey told me that you told her the secret I told you not to tell her." "Well," replied Nina in a hurt tone", I told her not to tell you I told her." "Oh dear!" sighed Jill. "Well, don't tell her I told you that she told me". ______________________________________________________ We had just finished eating a beautiful dinner that my mother had prepared for our family. As I glanced up at the chandelier over the table, I was mesmerized by the creative handiwork a spider had woven around the prisms and lightbulbs. "Don't look up there!" my mother screamed. "It's the one thing I was too tired to clean!" "Don't look where?" my brother asked. "There!" my mother pointed. "It's my own personal web sight!"


FoxTail Lily

Today in 
1818 Simon Bolivar formally declared Venezuela independent 
 of Spain. 
1873 Budapest was formed when the rival cities of Buda and 
 Pest were united to form the capital of Hungary. 
1901 The second Hay-Pauncefoot Treaty provided for 
 construction of the Panama Canal by the U.S. 
1910 Francisco I. Madero led a revolution that broke out 
 in Mexico. 
1929 The radio program "The Rise of the Goldbergs," later 
 known as "The Goldbergs," made its debut on the NBC Blue 
 Network. 
1943 During World War II, U.S. Marines began their landing 
 on Tarawa and Makin atolls in the Gilbert Islands. 
1945 24 Nazi leaders went before an international war 
 crimes tribunal in Nuremberg, Germany. 
1947 Britain's Princess Elizabeth married Philip Mountbatten, 
 Duke of Edinburgh in Westminster Abbey. 
1959 Britain, Norway, Portugal, Switzerland, Austria, Denmark 
 and Sweden met to create the European Free Trade Association. 
1962 The Cuban Missile Crisis ended. The Soviet Union removed 
 its missiles and bombers from Cuba and the U.S. ended its 
 blockade of the island. 
1967 The Census Clock at the Department of Commerce in 
 Washington, DC, went past 200 million. 
1969 The Nixon administration announced a halt to residential 
 use of the pesticide DDT as part of a total phase out of the 
 substance. 
1977 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat became the first Arab 
 leader to address Israel's parliament. 
1987 Police investigating the fire at King's Cross, London's 
 busiest subway station, said that arson was unlikely to be 
 the cause of the event that took 31 lives. 
1988 Egypt and China announced that they would recognize the 
 Palestinian state proclaimed by the Palestine National Council. 
1989 Over 200,000 people rallied peacefully in Prague, 
 Czechoslovakia, demanding democratic reforms. 
1990 Saddam Hussein ordered another 250,000 Iraqi troops 
 into the country of Kuwait. 
1992 A fire seriously damaged the northwest side of Windsor 
 Castle in England. 
1993 The U.S. Senate passed the Brady Bill and legislation 
 implementing NAFTA. 
1994 The Angolan government and rebels signed a treaty in 
 Zambia to end 19 years of war. 
1995 Princess Diana admitted being unfaithful to Prince 
 Charles in an interview that was broadcast on BBC. Since
 Princess Diana was the darling of british media, Charles 
 was blamed for that.
1998 Afghanistan's Taliban militia offered Osama bin Laden 
 safe haven. Osama bin Laden had been accused of 
 orchestrating two U.S. embassy bombings in Africa and later 
 terrorist attacks on New York City and the Pentagon. 
1998 Forty-six states agreed to a $206 billion settlement of 
 health claims against the tobacco industry. The industry 
 also agreed to give up billboard advertising of cigarettes. 
2001 The U.S. Justice Department headquarters building was 
 renamed the Robert F. Kennedy building by President 
 George W. Bush. The event was held on what would have been 
 Kennedy's 76th birthday.
2014  smiled.


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Problem with mail from Yahoo groups 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, November 19


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida dope for backing into opposing taffic and 
almost ramming a deputy.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1954 Two automatic toll collectors were placed in service 
 on the Garden State Parkway in New Jersey. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
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Television has raised writing to a new low. --- Samuel Goldwyn (1882 - 1974) Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. --- H. L. Mencken ______________________________________________________ Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while stuck behind bars. On the bus, one convict turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?" The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Grandma Moses of Jail". Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?" The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire and gin, and any number of games." The third convict was sitting quietly aside grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?" The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. "I brought these." The other two were puzzled and asked - "What can you do with those?" He grinned and pointed to the box and said, "Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating..." ______________________________________________________ **Diary Of A Regular Joe** For my birthday this year my wife purchased me a week of private lessons at the local health club. Though still in great shape from when I was on the varsity chess team in high school, I decided it was a good idea to go ahead and try it. I called and made reservations with someone named Tanya, who said she is a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and athletic clothing model. My wife seemed very pleased with how enthusiastic I was to get started. They suggested I keep an "exercise diary" to chart my progress: Day 1. Started the morning at 6:00 AM. Tough to get up, but worth it when I arrived at the health club and Tanya was waiting for me. She's something of a goddess, with blond hair and a dazzling white smile. She showed me the machines and took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She seemed a little alarmed that it was so high, but I think just standing next to her in that outfit of hers added about ten points. Enjoyed watching the aerobics class. Tanya was very encouraging as I did my sit ups, though my gut was already aching a little from holding it in the whole time I was talking to her. This is going to be GREAT! Day 2. Took a whole pot of coffee to get me out the door, but I made it. Tanya had me lie on my back and push this heavy iron bar up into the air. Then, she put weights on it, for heaven's sake! Legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made it the full mile. Her smile made it all worth while. Muscles ALL feel GREAT. Day 3. The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the tooth brush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I am certain that I have developed a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer. I parked on top of a Volkswagen. Tanya was a little impatient with me and said my screaming was bothering the other club members. The treadmill hurt my chest so I did the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by the invention of elevators? Tanya told me regular exercise would make me live longer. I can't imagine anything worse. Day 4. Tanya was waiting for me with her vampire teeth in a full snarl. I can't help it if I was half an hour late, it took me that long just to tie my shoes. She wanted me to lift dumbbells. Not a chance, Tanya. The word "dumb" must be in there for a reason. I hid in the men's room until she sent Lars looking for me. As punishment she made me try the rowing machine... It sank. Day 5. I hate Tanya more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. If there was any part of my body not in extreme pain I would hit her with it. She thought it would be a good idea to work on my triceps. Well I have news for you Tanya - I don't HAVE triceps. And if you don't want dents in the floor don't hand me any barbells. I refuse to accept responsibility for the damage. YOU went to sadist school, YOU are to blame. The treadmill flung me back into a science teacher, which hurt like crazy. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like a music teacher, or social studies? Day 6. Got Tanya's message on my answering machine, wondering where I am. I lacked the strength to use the TV remote so I watched eleven straight hours of the weather channel. Day 7. Well, that's the week. Thank goodness that's over. Maybe next time my wife will give me something a little more fun, like a gift certificate for a root canal. ______________________________________________________ A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." And why not?" "You know that it always gives you a headache next morning." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Jean for this picture: Click through for the big picture Gapstow Bridge, New York, USA ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kyndric Wilson, 23, Mary Esther, Floriduh Driver nearly collided with deputy; jailed on drug charges A 23-year-old Mary Esther man was arrested on drug charges after allegedly backing up against traffic, nearly colliding with a deputy. The Okaloosa County Sheriff’s deputy was doing traffic enforcement on Hickory Street in Niceville on Nov. 8, according to the arrest report. He saw a vehicle driven by Kyndric Dallas Wilson backing up “in the opposite direction of traffic onto Range Road,” requiring the deputy to brake to prevent a collision. The deputy pulled Wilson over, and smelled marijuana coming from inside the vehicle, the report said. When asked about the marijuana, Wilson pulled out a small bud from the door and a glass jar with 23.5 grams of marijuana from the back seat. Wilson was arrested and a search found five rocks of crack cocaine in the vehicle, according to the report. He is charged with possession of cocaine and possession of more than 20 grams of marijuana. His next scheduled court date is Dec. 16. Tech Support Pits From: Richb70 Re: Yahoo malfunction Dear Webby! Dear webby , not to be a bother but I'm having trouble receiving my emails from other groups, I looked thru my yahoo addy and it says my account has been suspended? And I don't know why or how, I've talked to comcast about it and they said I needed to reset my pw but that doesn't seem to work and I have no idea what to do, any ideas or thots you can give? I would appreciated it. Even tho I reset my pw its still telling me that my acct is still suspened , this is the first time this has ever happened and I don't know what or why its doing it.. Tyvm I still receive reg emails not group emails, I find it kind or weird that this is just started happening Richb Dear Richb70 That is normal and to be expected from Yahoo. They do that to all the yahoos every now and then, for no apparent reason. Just routine Yahoo malfunction. You can try screeching a temper tantrum at Yahoo support, sometimes that helps. I am a member of the "Freecycle" group, a clean and well behaved group with a very low volume of mail, but half the time it does not work either. Since the group organizers refuse to move away from Yahoo, there is nothing anybody can do about it. Except laugh at the thilly yahoos. Have FUN! DearWebby
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>From Edsel Discovering that I'd overslept, I abandoned my usual morning routine and rushed out. In the van, though, I realized I had time to stop for a take-out coffee. I got my coffee and returned to the van, only to find I had not only left it running but had locked it! The day was going from bad to worse. I returned to the shop, sheepishly explained my situation to the clerk and asked if I could borrow a broom. I managed to open a side window and pop the lock on the back door using the broom handle. When I returned the broom, the clerk said, "I know you're having a bad day, but..." "I know, I know," I interrupted. "You want to know how I can unlock my van with a broom." "No," she said. "I wanted to tell you that your shirt is on inside out."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remedies for Athlete's Foot To treat fungus on feet, soak feet in white vinegar for at least 20 minutes each time. Continue three days in a row and the fungus should be done. By duckie-do from Cortez, CORemedies for Athlete's Foot Rubbing the feet, especially between toes and on toenails with freshly cut potato pieces 2 - 3 times a day is also said to be effective, if you don't have any vinegar in the house. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ >From Barb I know my company has made a big effort to be family friendly, but I was baffled when I read this holiday an- nouncement posted on the bulletin board: "All employees are invited to the annual Christmas party. All children under the age of ten will receive a gift from Santa. Employees who have no children may bring grandchildren." ______________________________________________________ Jimmie, an 80-year-old gentleman, retired to Florida after his wife of 58 years had passed away. He was quite alone in the world and longed for companionship. One day, as he was walking through a public park, he spied what he considered to be a very pretty silver-haired lady sitting alone on a park bench. Getting his nerve up, he approached the lady and asked graciously, "Pardon me, ma'am, but may I sit here with you." The silver-haired Marcia looked up to see a distinguished looking white-haired gentleman and replied, "Why certainly," and scooted over gently to give him room to sit down. For the next two hours the two sat and talked about everything. They discovered that they came from the same part of the country, liked the same big band music, voted for the same presidential candidates, had long happy marriages and lost their spouses in the last year, and in general agreed about almost everything. Finally, the old gentleman cleared his throat and asked sheepishly, "Ma' am, may I ask you two questions?" With great anticipation Marcia replied, "Why certainly!" The old gentleman removed a handkerchief from his coat pocket and spread it out on the ground before her. He very gingerly got down on one knee and looked her softly in the eyes. "Marcia, I know we've only known each other for a couple of hours, but we have so much in common. I feel I have known you all my life. Will you marry me and be my wife?" Marcia grabbed at Jimmie's hands and said, "Why, yes, I will marry you! You have made me so very happy!" She reached over and kissed him gently on the cheek. Then Marcia said, "You said you had two questions to ask me. What is the second question?" Jimmie scratched his neck and said, "Will you help me get up?"


FoxTail Lily

Today in 
1794 Britain's King George III signed the Jay Treaty. It 
 resolved the issues left over from the Revolutionary War. 
1850 The first life insurance policy for a woman was issued. 
 Carolyn Ingraham, 36 years old, bought the policy in 
 Madison, NJ. 
1863 U.S. President Lincoln delivered his Gettysburg Address 
 as he dedicated a national cemetery at the site of the Civil 
 War battlefield in Pennsylvania. 
1893 The first newspaper color supplement was published in 
 the Sunday New York World. 
1895 The "paper pencil" was patented by Frederick E. 
 Blaisdell. 
1919 The U.S. Senate rejected the Treaty of Versailles with 
 a vote of 55 in favor to 39 against. A two-thirds majority 
 was needed for ratification. 
1928 "Time" magazine presented its cover in color for the 
 first time. The subject was Japanese Emperor Hirohito. 
1942 During World War II, Russian forces launched their 
 winter offensive against the Germans along the Don front. 
1954 Two automatic toll collectors were placed in service 
 on the Garden State Parkway in New Jersey. 
1959 Ford Motor Co. announced it was ending the production 
 of the unpopular Edsel. 
1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles Conrad and Alan Bean made 
 man's second landing on the moon. 
1970 Hafiz al-Assad seized power in Syria. 
1977 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat became the first Arab 
 leader to set foot in Israel on an official visit. 
1981 U.S. Steel agreed to pay $6.3 million for Marathon Oil. 
1990 NATO and the Warsaw Pact signed a treaty of nonaggression
1994 The U.N. Security Council authorized NATO to bomb rebel 
 Serb forces striking from neighboring Croatia. 
1997 In Carlisle, IA, septuplets were born to Bobbi McCaughey. 
 It was only the second known case where all seven were born 
 alive. 
1998 The impeachment inquiry of U.S. President Clinton began. 
1998 Vincent van Gogh's "Portrait of the Artist Without Beard" 
 sold at auction for more than $71 million. 
2002 The oil tanker Prestige broke into two pieces and sank 
 off northwest Spain. The tanker lost about 2 million gallons 
 of fuel oil when it ruptured November 13th and was towed 
 about 150 miles out to sea. 
2002 The U.S. government completed its takeover of security 
 at 424 airports nationwide. 
2014  smiled.


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Static remedy 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, November 18


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Balloon-wielding man busted after rampage 
at Fort Pierce auto dealer
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1477 William Caxton produced "Dictes or Sayengis of the 
 Philosophres," which was the first book to be printed in England. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
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Cynics regarded everybody as equally corrupt... Idealists regarded everybody as equally corrupt, except themselves. --- Robert Anton Wilson ______________________________________________________ An older lady was expecting a gentleman friend to call on her later in the day. She was nervous because her eyesight was failing and was afraid her friend might reject her because she was less than perfect. So, she came up with a plan to prove to him that she could see perfectly. She put a straight pin in a tree that was about 200 feet from her front porch. When her beau arrived, they sat in the porch swing and were talking when she suddenly stopped the conversation and asked, "Is that a pin sticking in that tree?" Her friend squinted his eyes and said, "I don't see a thing." "Well, I'm going to go see," she said as she jumped up, ran toward the tree, and collided with a cow. ______________________________________________________ When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" I asked. "Yes," Chris said. "She's come to visit us for Christmas." "How nice," I said. "Where does she live?" "At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her." ______________________________________________________ Marge was telling her friend Grace how she gets her son out of bed in the morning. "I just open his door and toss the cat on his bed. He sleeps with his dog." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Jean for this picture: Click through for the big picture Tearoom in Llanrwst, North Wales ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to James Touchstone, 48, Fort Pierce, Florida Balloon-wielding man busted after rampage at Fort Pierce auto dealer A man accused of running around a car dealership with balloons after downing a bottle of booze and possibly chasing people with a machete was arrested, according to statements in a recently released arrest affidavit. The case against James Touchstone, 48, began about 5:45 p.m. as a St. Lucie County Sheriff’s deputy went to the listed address of a Kia dealership on South U.S. 1 to help with an impaired driver, the affidavit states. The deputy spotted a Kia Sorrento with a damaged fender in the parking lot. The doors were open and an empty bottle of Seagram’s gin was on the floorboard. Touchstone, who smelled of booze, was in custody outside another deputy’s vehicle “yelling profanities and attempting to flee,” the affidavit states. Touchstone yelled that he’d imbibed “a bottle of alcohol but has been off crack for three years,” the affidavit states. Meanwhile, witnesses said Touchstone pulled in the parking lot and started cursing and throwing things at customers and staff members. “He then ran across the street to (another) dealership, grabbed some balloons, returned and started to run around the parking lot with the balloons in hand while yelling at anyone he came in contact with,” the affidavit states. After Touchstone, listed as a “violent felony offender of special concern,” was put in the back of a patrol car, he kicked out the rear passenger window. A passenger in Touchstone’s vehicle told investigators that Touchstone hit a light pole in a parking lot in the area of Avenue M and North 13th Street. That person also said Touchstone got a machete and chased people at a gas station. Touchstone, of Wilton Manors, was arrested on charges including criminal mischief, DUI, driving while license suspended, habitual offender and resist officer without much violence. Tech Support Pits From: Dianne Re: Get rid of static Dear Webby! DearWebby tell ur readers that if they ad a table spoon to their water bucker or whatever they use to mop floors, to ad some liquid fabric softner to prevent shocks. Dianne Dear Dianne That is an easy enough remedy and well worth trying, if somebody gets shocks. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The physics professor, checking to see how many people had actually read the assignment, asked "What are the two types of light?" The lab fell quiet until a small voice came from the back of the room, "Uhhh, Bud and Coors?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tip: Use Scrubbing Bubbles for Hard Water Spots My husband read so many solutions on removing hard water spots on windows, but nothing ever worked for him. The windshield on our motor home was so stained from the water that would run down it, that we tried everything on the market just like so many others. We bought so many products from acid wash, scrub with SOS, to Comet. I always use Scrubbing Bubbles for everything in my house. I told my husband for so long to try Scrubbing Bubbles but he always told me, "No that isn't going to work", until one day when he was frantic, he did try Scrubbing Bubbles along with extra fine steel wool. He couldn't believe his eyes. The glass is crystal clear and just like new. Now he won't use anything else just like I won't use any other product except for Scrubbing Bubbles inside. So every one who is at their worst with hard water spots please use this product. It really does work. I know this sounds like a infomercial, just try for yourself. Scrubbing Bubbles Fan! By Peewee the Cat and Family from San Bernardino ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ A man was in his usual place, sitting at the table, reading the newspaper during breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player, who was known primarily for his lack of brains and common sense. He turned to his wife with a look of bewilderment on his face and said, "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives" His wife said, "Why, thank you, dear!" ______________________________________________________ After the holidays and all those delightful, seasonal treats, a husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tells your fortune and weight. He dropped in a coin and eagerly read the results. "Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and an absolutely fantastic lover." "Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too. Looks like you picked up the card from the previous user."


Whitewater Adrenaline Rush: Extreme Kayaking

Today in 
1477 William Caxton produced "Dictes or Sayengis of the 
 Philosophres," which was the first book to be printed in England. 
1820 Captain Nathaniel Palmer became the first American to sight 
 the continent of Antarctica. 
1865 Samuel L. Clemens published "The Celebrated Jumping Frog 
 of Calaveras County" under the pen name "Mark Twain" in the 
 New York "Saturday Press." 
1883 The U.S. and Canada adopted a system of standard time zones. 
1903 The U.S. and Panama signed a treaty that granted the U.S. 
 rights to build the Panama Canal. 
1916 Douglas Haig, commander of the British Expeditionary Force 
 in World War I, called off the Battle of the Somme in France. 
 The offensive began on July 1, 1916. 
1928 The first successful sound-synchronized animated cartoon 
 premiered in New York. It was Walt Disney's "Steamboat Willie," 
 starring Mickey Mouse. 
1936 Germany and Italy recognized the Spanish government of 
 Francisco Franco. 
1966 U.S. Roman Catholic bishops did away with the rule against 
 eating meat on Fridays. 
1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles "Pete" Conrad Jr. and 
 Alan L. Bean landed on the lunar surface during the second 
 manned mission to the moon. 
1976 The parliament of Spain approved a bill that established 
 a democracy after 37 years of dictatorship. 
1983 Argentina announced its ability to produce enriched uranium 
 for use in nuclear weapons. 
1987 CBS Inc. announced it had agreed to sell its record 
 division to Sony Corp. for about $2 billion. 
1988 U.S. President Reagan signed major legislation provided 
 the death penalty for drug traffickers who kill. 
1993 The U.S. House of Representatives joined the U.S. Senate 
 in approving legislation aimed at protecting abortion 
 facilities, staff and patients. 
1993 Representatives from 21 South African political parties 
 approved a new constitution. 
1997 First Union Corp. announced its purchase of CoreStates 
 Financial Corp. for $16.1 billion.
2014  smiled.


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Keyboard in the dishwasher 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Nonday, November 17


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Robber pretends to be 
witness after pizza heist
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1968 NBC cut away from the final minutes of a New York Jets-
 Oakland Raiders game to begin a TV special, "Heidi," on schedule. 
 The Raiders came from behind to beat the Jets 43-32. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
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Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own. --- Doug Larson You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions. --- Senator Patrick Leahy ______________________________________________________ Elementary Science Some of these are too good to ignore. *Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers. *We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on. *Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do up there. *Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does. *Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail. *In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes. *A blizzard is when it snows sideways. *A monsoon is a French gentleman. *Thunder is a rich source of loudness. *It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places. *The wind is like the air, only pushier. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: The woman applying for the job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job. "Look miss," said the foreman. "Do you have any experience in picking lemons?" "Well, as a matter if fact, yes!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Vicky for this story: A young Jewish mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten. "Behave, my bubaleh" she says. "Take good care of yourself and think about your Mother, tataleh!" "And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh." "Mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!" At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs to her son on and hugs him. "So tell mommy. . . what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?" The boy answers, "I've learned that my name is Melvin." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Jean for this picture: Click through for the big picture Rosy Maple Moth ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joseph Wantz 26 West Boca, Floriduh Robber pretends to be witness after pizza heist Pizza delivery man robbed at gunpoint in West Boca West Boca man accused of robbing a pizza delivery man tried to come forward as a witness and accused his cousin of being the robber, according to a Palm Beach County sheriff's arrest report. Joseph Wantz, 26, faces charges of robbery and aggravated assault with a firearm after the robbery on Tuesday. The Pizza Hut delivery man of two years said he went to a home in the 11000 block of Watergate Circle on 10:30 p.m. after getting an order for $107 worth of pizza, bread sticks and soda. The caller said the food was for a party and then another phone call from another number had a woman asking the driver to bring cash for change, according to the report. But when the driver got there, he told a deputy he grew suspicious when he saw no cluster of cars for a party. That's when Wantz put a gun to the delivery man's head and demanded all the money and food before walking away, according to the report. A deputy said he learned two people had stepped forward as witnesses. One of them was Wantz, who told the deputies he saw the robbery and that his cousin did it, according to the report. As deputies, they got a call on Wednesday about a disturbance between Wantz and another man at a residence. Inside the home, deputies said they saw two empty pizza boxes in the trash. After the delivery man identified Wantz in a photo lineup as the robber, investigators questioned a friend of Wantz's. She said Wantz came up to her at about 1 a.m. Wednesday and showed her a gun and told her he did a "lick," or robbery. Deputies said the gun later was found to be a BB gun. When deputies questioned Wantz, he implicated his cousin in the robbery, the report said. He said his cousin looked similar to him. He went on to say he wasn't "the only one going down for this," according to the report. Wantz was booked into Palm Beach County Jail, where he is held without bail. Tech Support Pits From: Vince Re: Keyboard in the dishwasher Dear Webby! My wife put my fashionably dirty keyboard into the dishwasher. It looks great now, but is it safe to plug in again? Vince Dear Vince Most modern keyboards can handle that without any problem. Take the screws off the back and take the back off, and let it dry half a day face-up and half a day face-down. After that, attach the back cover again and try it. Most likely it will work just fine. Have FUN! DearWebby
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"HANG HIM HIGH, BOYS!! ...Okay, now a little to the left. Oooh! Stop right there. Perfect!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Problems with Fabric Dryer Sheets I bought a new dryer and continued using those fabric dryer sheets. This dryer would kick off with the clothes not dry. I was thinking the timer was bad so called out a repairman. He changed the sensor in the dryer and told us those "dryer sheets" had coated it, causing a false signal that turned off the dryer. He told us to stop using them. Now we only use liquid with our wash and no more trouble. By Kenneth B. [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ A very thirsty man goes into a bar. He sits down and waits for the bartender to see him. The man next to him calls for the bartender saying, "I'll have another waterloo." The bartender gives him a tall, ice cold drink, then asks the newcomer what he would like to drink. Wanting to try this new drink, he says, "I'll have a waterloo too." The bartender gives him a tall, ice cold drink. The man takes a big drink from the glass and says, "HEY! This isn't any good. It tastes just like water!" The man next to him looks at the bartender and says, "Well, it is water . . . right Lou? ______________________________________________________ Lisa and Linda are walking down the street. Lisa finds a little mirror, and looks in it. She looks again, and again. Puzzled, she says to her friend, "I just know I've seen this face before!" "Give it to me", says Linda. She looks in the mirror and says, "Of course you have, silly! It's me!"


Whitewater Adrenaline Rush: Extreme Kayaking

Today in 
1558 Elizabeth I ascended the English throne upon the death 
 of Queen Mary Tudor. 
1603 Sir Walter Raleigh went on trial for treason. 
1796 Catherine the Great of Russia died at the age of 67. 
1798 Irish nationalist leader Wolfe Tone committed suicide 
 while in jail awaiting execution. 
1869 The Suez Canal opened in Egypt, linking the Mediterranean 
 and the Red seas. 
1903 Russia's Social Democrats officially split into two groups 
 Bolsheviks and Mensheviks. 
1913 The steamship Louise became the first ship to travel 
 through the Panama Canal. 
1913 In Germany, Kaiser Wilhelm banned the armed forces from 
 dancing the tango. 
1922 Siberia voted for union with the U.S.S.R. 
1968 NBC cut away from the final minutes of a New York Jets-
 Oakland Raiders game to begin a TV special, "Heidi," on schedule. 
 The Raiders came from behind to beat the Jets 43-32. 
1970 The Soviet Union landed an unmanned, remote-controlled 
 vehicle on the moon, the Lunokhod 1. The vehicle was released 
 by Luna 17. 
1979 Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini ordered the release of 13 female 
 and black American hostages being held at the U.S. Embassy 
 in Tehran. 
1988 Benazir Bhutto became the first woman leader of an Islamic 
 country. She was elected in the first democratic elections 
 in Pakistan in 11 years. 
1990 A mass grave was discovered by the bridge over the River 
 Kwai in Thailand. The bodies were believed to be those of 
 World War II prisoners of war. 
1997 62 people were killed by 6 Islamic militants outside the 
 Temple of Hatshepsut in Luxor, Egypt. The attackers were 
 killed by police. 
2010 Reasearchers trapped 38 antihydrogen atoms. It was the 
 first time humans had trapped antimatter. 
2014  smiled.


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How difficult is Open Office? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, November 16


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Tennessee man for being the world's
worst deadbeat dad with 26 kids.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1973 U.S. President Nixon signed the Alaska Pipeline measure 
 into law. That pipeline is still working well.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
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The average person's idea of a good sermon is one that goes over his head and hits a neighbor. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ A young man was talking to a girl that he had just met, and asked her name. "I don't want to tell you," she said, "I'm named after both of my parents, and it's kind of embarrassing." "Well, what could be so bad about that?" the young man asked. "My mother's name is Eliza, and my father's name is Ferdinand." the girl answered. "Well, those are nice names" the guy replied. "It would be if they wouldn't have named me FerdEliza!" ______________________________________________________ I was on vacation, playing the slot machines. It was my first time in a casino, and I wasn't sure how the machines operated. "Excuse me." I said to a casino employee. "How does this work?" The worker showed me how to insert a bill, hit the spin button, and operate the release handle. "And where does the money come out?" I asked. He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying, "Usually at the ATM." ______________________________________________________ Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks. Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and yelled, "There will be no eating or drinking in this room! You'll have to get rid of that coffee." The officer said meekly, "Sure, but why?" "Because a coffee spill could short the keyboard and wipe out all of the data!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Jean for this picture: Click through for the big picture Lilac-Breasted Roller ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Terry Turnage 50 Memphis, Tennessee Worst Deadbeat Dad Now Has 26 Kids The Tennessee deadbeat who has fathered 26 children with 20 different women has again been ordered by a judge to make child support payments, this time for a two-year-old Arkansas boy, court records show. Terry Turnage, a 50-year-old Memphis resident, was ordered this month to pay $60 per week to Miesha Davis, mother of the pair’s son Ja’Voin. The support order came as a result of a paternity complaint filed on Davis’s behalf by Arkansas’s Office of Child Support Enforcement. A Circuit Court judge also ordered Turnage to “maintain health care insurance” for the child “when reasonably available” through his employer, and pay $365 in court fees. In addition to Davis, two other Arkansas women have recently secured child support orders against Turnage, who has gained notoriety for impregnating assorted Tennessee women (many of whom also have secured child support orders to which Turnage has failed to adhere). According to Arkansas court records, state officials have filed income withholding notices with a Memphis company that operates a McDonald’s restaurant where Turnage has supposedly worked (and earned $247.28 weekly). However, it appears that Turnage has a stake in a Forrest City, Arkansas nightclub that lists its owner as Turnage’s son, Terry Jr.. The elder Turnage is a regular at Club Envy, where he last month hosted a two-day party celebrating his 50th birthday. The club’s address is listed as Turnage’s residence in some court papers. In addition to his assorted child support cases, Turnage is facing a felony charge of making terroristic threats. Investigators allege that Turnage threatened a Forrest City businessman from whom he had purchased an automobile that did not run any more. In a June 2 written statement, the victim told cops that Turnage warned that if he did not have the Chevrolet repaired and delivered to the Club Envy parking lot, “he would shoot me or my wife.” The man added that Turnage “led me to believe that he had a gun and that he was willing and able to carry through” on his repeated threats. Turnage, who is unwilling to support his offspring, paid the businessman $10,000 in cash for the 2005 Corvette. If convicted of the felony charge, Turnage faces a maximum of six years in state prison. He is being represented by a public defender after filing an “affidavit of indigency” in late-September. Tech Support Pits From: Karen Re: How difficult is Open Office? Dear Webby! I know you like Open Office. How difficult is it to learn how to use it? I just need a woprd processor, spreadsheet, and the occasional PowerPoint presentation. Thanks Karen Dear Karen It's about the same as Microsoft Office, picks up Open Standard and Microsoft proprietary files and saves them in whatever format you select. Changing from Microsoft Office to Open Office is about as difficult as changing browsers, for example changing from Internet Explorer, when that has security problems, to FireFox or Chrome. Some menu items are in different places, and a few commands have names, that make more sense. Not a big deal at all. Sure, for a few days you'll be slowed down a bit, until you get used to the new locations of some of the menu selections, but I found it very intuitive and no problem at all. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
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Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?" But the initials really stand for "What would Jesus drive?" One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury." But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm." Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast." Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills." Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land."And, following the Master's lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda: "The Apostles were in one Accord."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Aluminum Foil as Alternative to Fabric Sheets A ball of aluminum foil to prevent static in the dryer. If you don't have fabric sheets or just don't want to buy them, try using aluminum foil instead! Crumple up a sheet of aluminum foil into a ball and toss it into the dryer. It eliminates static cling, lasts a long, long time, and costs practically nothing! By Marilyn from Colfax, LA ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish". The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me." The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I have been married and divorced four times. All of my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say "nothing" and how I can make a woman truly happy." After a few minutes God said, "Do you want two lanes or four on that bridge?" ______________________________________________________ John asks his wife, Mary what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. "Would you like a new Mink Coat?" he asks. "Not really," says Mary. "Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?" says John. "No," she responds. "What about a new vacation home in the country?" he suggests. She again rejects his offer with a "No thanks." "Well what would you like for your anniversary?" John asks. "John, I'd like a divorce," answers Mary. "Sorry, I wasn't planning to spend quite that much," says John.


Hurricane season almost done

Today in 
1776 British troops captured Fort Washington during the 
 American Revolution. 
1864 Union Gen. William T. Sherman and his troops began 
 their "March to the Sea" during the U.S. Civil War. 
1885 Canadian rebel Louis Riel was executed for high treason. 
1915 Coca-Cola had its prototype for a countoured bottle 
 patented. The bottle made its commercial debut the next year. 
1933 The United States and the Soviet Union established 
 diplomatic relations for the first time. 
1952 In the Peanuts comic strip, Lucy first held a football 
 for Charlie Brown. 
1969 The U.S. Army announced that several had been charged 
 with massacre and the subsequent cover-up in the My Lai 
 massacre in Vietnam on March 16, 1968. 
1973 Skylab 3 carrying a crew of three astronauts, was launched 
 from Cape Canaveral, FL, on an 84-day mission. 
1973 U.S. President Nixon signed the Alaska Pipeline measure 
 into law. That pipeline is still working well.
1981 A vaccine for hepatitis B was approved. The vaccine had 
 been developed at Merck Institute for Therapeutic Research. 
1985 Colonel Oliver North was put in charge of the shipment 
 of HAWK anti-aircraft missiles to Iran. 
1988 Estonia's parliament declared that the Baltic republic 
 "sovereign," but stopped short of complete independence. 
1997 China released Wei Jingsheng, a pro-democracy dissident 
 from jail for medical reasons. He had been incarcerated 
 for almost 18 years. 
1998 In Burlington, WIsconsin, five high school students, 
 aged 15 to 16, were arrested in an alleged plot to kill a 
 carefully selected group of teachers and students. 
1998 It was announced that Monica Lewinsky had signed a 
 deal for the North American rights to a book about her 
 affair with U.S. President Clinton. 
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court said that union members could 
 file discrimination lawsuits against employers even when 
 labor contracts require arbitration. 
1999 Chrica Adams, the pregnant girlfriend of Rae Carruth, 
 was shot four times in her car. She died a month later 
 from her wounds. The baby survived. Carruth was sentenced 
 to a minimum of 18 years and 11 months in prison for his 
 role in the murder. 
2000 Bill Clinton became the first serving U.S. president 
 to visit Communist Vietnam. 
2004 A NASA unmanned "scramjet" (X-43A) reached a speed of 
 nearly 10 times the speed of sound above the Pacific Ocean.
2014  smiled.


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NSA recording all your calls 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, November 15

US-CERT released an alert about a serious vulnerability in
Internet Explorer, all versions of Windows. 

Microsoft has not identified any workarounds for this vulnerability.
Until the next Patch-Tuesday updates, don't use Microsoft 
PowerPoint and avoid using Internet Explorer except on sites,
that you know for sure are clean, like for example your bank.

Even if your bank has been hacked and your data stolen and sold,
it is extremely unlikely that an attack onto your computer
would be coming from a bank. Their data might be easy, but
their user interfaces are way too complicated for hackers 
to use. 

For anything other than your bank or Webby, don't use 
Internet Explorer and Powerpoint until you got them patched.

Chrome, FireFox and Open Office are not affected by this
vulnerability. For most PPS files you can safely use 
Open Office Impress. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida shoplifter, who stuffed a chainsaw down his shorts
right in front of the camera
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1901 Miller Reese patented an electrical hearing aid. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
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Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead. --- Charles Bukowski ______________________________________________________ >From Mim As the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse under the seat. Later I called the company and was relieved that the driver had found my bag. When I went to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers surrounded me. One man handed me my pocketbook, two typewritten pages and a bushel box containing the contents of my purse. "We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained. "I think you'll find everything there." As I started to put my belongings back into the pocketbook, the man continued, "I hope you don't mind if we watch. Even though we all tried, none of us could fit everything into your purse. And we'd like to see just how you do it." ______________________________________________________ I was attending an outdoor music concertwith a young woman I'd recently met. Standing at the back of the crowd, we wrapped our arms around each other, swaying to the music. After a particularly romantic song, my date turned to face me. With a loving smile, she said, "I wish we were closer..." Totally thrilled, I looked into her eyes and whispered, "Do you mean our houses or our philosophies?" She replied, "To the stage." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Craig for this one: Like a lot of married men, I got the "You just don't appreciate me" speech once from Juanita. I promised to treat her royally for the remainder of the day. I took her to lunch at Burger King and Dairy Queen for dessert. She's never mentioned it since. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Bill for this movie clip: Tire change at car races 1950 and 2013 ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Anthony Ballard, 28, Port St. Lucie Floriduh Florida shoplifter, who stuffed a chainsaw down his shorts right in front of the camera Is that a chainsaw in your shorts or are you just excited for some Weird News? A Florida man is accused of shoplifting a chainsaw by stuffing the heavy machinery down his shorts and under his T-shirt, the TC Palm reports. Footage of the incident posted by the newspaper to YouTube, shows the suspect, 28-year-old Anthony Ballard, as he appears to steal the chainsaw from Treasure Coast Lawn in Port St. Lucie. Ballard reportedly asked for change before attempting to conceal the tool. Ballard fled on a bicycle (which police later found was also stolen) before ditching the chainsaw in a vacant lot. A police search for him was unsuccessful, but a Treasure Coast Lawn employee found him and held him until police arrived. Ballard was arrested and transported to the St. Lucie County Jail, according to WPTV. He was charged with grand theft. Tech Support Pits From: Ed Re: Phone surveillance Dear Webby! I read that the US Justice department and the NSA are now recording all phone conversations. What is that causing to happen? And, is there a way to stop that? Ed Dear Ed The only result of that is Billions of Dollars sent to Singapore for fancy Terabyte hard drives. It's no big deal that all your hot calls to your mistresses, or spiritual advisors, are recorded for posterity. It's the same as all the traffic light cameras recording 24 hours a day. As long as there is no accident, nobody looks at the recording. However, if an accident had happened at 4 am, then they copy the relevant 5 minutes and use them in court. And maybe even post them on YouTube. Take for example the Boston Marathon bombers. A month AFTER the bombing they found in the recorded phone conversations leads to other terrorists and people, who knew of the event but did not do anything to stop it. They did not listen to their phone conversations live, they had just recorded them. The surveillance keeps tens of thousands of Americans gainfully employed, and they would be very annoyed if you stopped their cushy jobs. As long as you don't hang out with terrorists or dope dealers, you have nothing to worry about. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
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There's this cathedral that's still being worked on, and the workers have rigged a "cage elevator" inside so they can get material up and down to the upper floors. A characteristic of these "cage elevators" is that the doors (gate) must be closed manually for them to be "called" to another floor. One day one of the workers, Peter by name, takes the elevator to the top floor, and it is subsequently needed on the first floor by the sexton. Unfortunately, Peter forgot and left the door open. After the sexton rings for the elevator a couple times, to no avail, he yells up for the worker to send the lift back down. Visitors to the cathedral were treated to this sight: The sexton of the cathedral, head tipped up, yelling to the heavens: "Peter! CLOSE THE GATE!!!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Baking Soda for Coffee and Tea Cups I keep a saucer with baking soda in it by my kitchen sink. That way, when I have a cup which is stained, I can get rid of those stains right away with no fuss or bother. I wet my fingers, dip my fingers in the baking soda, and then rub them on the inside of the cup where the stains are. In a flash the stains are gone! Source: I learned this habit from my mother and so I have the added bonus of remembering her every time I use the baking soda. By Bellevillelady from Belleville, Ontario, Canada ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ Police House Calls My partner and I were in our police car when we were dispatched to break up a domestic dispute. We spoke with the couple and the problem was quickly resolved. On leaving, I was admiring the craftsmanship of their turn-of-the-century home and reached for what I thought was the front door. Realizing my mistake, I was turning away in embarrassment when I heard my partner say: "If you have any more problems, we'll be in your closet." ______________________________________________________ Tony, having his second son christened, was much concerned about getting the correct name on the birth certificate. "Will you please name the baby just as I give it to you?" "Certainly," answered the minister, "why shouldn't I?" "Well you see, it's like this," replied Tony. "When I told you I wanted to name my first boy Tom, you wrote on his birth certificate 'Thomas.' This boy I want to name Jack."


Pasta Gallery

Today in 
1777 The Continental Congress approved the Articles of Confederation.
1806 Explorer Zebulon Pike spotted the mountaintop that became known 
 as Pikes Peak. 
1867 the first stock ticker was unveiled in New York City. 
1889 Brazil's monarchy was overthrown. 
1901 Miller Reese patented an electrical hearing aid. 
1902 Anarchist Gennaro Rubin failed in his attempt to murder 
 King Leopold II of Belgium. 
1940 The first 75,000 men were called to Armed Forces duty under 
 peacetime conscription. 
1965 The Soviet probe, Venera 3, was launched from Baikonur, 
 Kazakhstan. On March 1, 1966, it became the first unmanned 
 spacecraft to reach the surface of another planet when it 
 crashed on Venus. 
1969 In Washington, DC, a quarter of a million protesters 
 staged a peaceful demonstration against the Vietnam War. 
1985 Britain and Ireland signed an accord giving Dublin an 
 official consultative role in governing Northern Ireland. 
1986 A government tribunal in Nicaragua convicted American 
 Eugene Hasenfus of charges related to his role in delivering 
 arms to Contra rebels. He was sentenced to 30 years in prison 
 and was pardoned a month later. 
1986 Ivan F. Boesky, reputed to be the highest-paid person on 
 Wall Street, faced penalties of $100 million for insider 
 stock trading. It was the highest penalty ever imposed by 
 the SEC. 
1988 The Palestine National Council, the legislative body of 
 the PLO, proclaimed the establishment of an independent 
 Palestinian state at the close of a four-day conference 
 in Algiers. 
1992 Richard Petty drove in the final race of his 35-year 
 career. 
1993 A judge in Mineola, NY, sentenced Joey Buttafuoco to 
 six months in jail for the statutory rape of Amy Fisher. 
 Fisher was serving a prison sentence for shooting and 
 wounding Buttafuoco's wife, Mary Jo. 
1995 Texaco agreed to pay $176 million to settle a race-
 discrimination lawsuit. 
1999 Representatives from China and the United States signed 
 a major trade agreement that involved China's membership in 
 the World Trade Organization (WTO). 
2000 Three police officers from the Rampart division of the 
 Los Angeles police department were convicted on several 
 counts of conspiracy to obstruct justice. One other officer 
 was acquitted. The case was the first major case against 
 the anti-gang unit. 
2005 In Amiens, France, Isabelle Dinoire became the first 
 person to undergo a partial face transplant. She had been 
 attacked by a dog earlier in the year. 
2006 Andy Warhol's painting of Communist Party Chairman 
 Mao Zedong sold for $17.4 million. At the same auction 
 "Orange Marilyn" sold for $16.2 million and "Sixteen Jackies" 
 sold for $15.6 million.
2014  smiled.


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Appointment calendar, that sends emails 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, November 14
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you, Jim, HMCM!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
Drunk Motorist Hit Pedestrian, 
Kept Driving With Victim 
"Halfway Through The Vehicle's 
Windshield"
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1956 The USSR crushed the Hungarian uprising. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
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We live in a Newtonian world of Einsteinian physics ruled by Frankenstein logic. --- David Russell Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees on something or other, reach for your wallet, because you're being had. --- Michael Crichton (1942 - 2008), ______________________________________________________ >From Nanarina The Real Truths in Life 1. A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing it. 2. We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes. 3. Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks - PRICELESS. 4. Breaking News: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband. 5. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Carlsberg & Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available. 6. I haven't verified this on Urban Legends, but it sounds legit. A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it. ______________________________________________________ Those of us who worked at the front desk of a convention hotel in Williamsburg, Va., prided ourselves on making the guests feel special. When someone arrived at reception, credit card in hand, we would sneak a peek at it and address him by name. Once during a particularly busy check-in, one of our guests presented a corporate credit card. "Welcome to Williamsburg, Mr. Bell," the desk clerk said. "Oh, please," the man replied, "call me Taco." ______________________________________________________ They were burying Irish Pat today and the Irish Priest was explaining to the congregation that before they could put Pat to rest, someone had to get up and say something nice about Pat, even though Pat was a womanizer, a drunk and a fighter. No one got up. So the priest got up again and said,"Maybe I didn't explain me-self properly. Before we can put Paddy in his grave, one of you MUST get up and say something nice about the man. It's our duty as Irishmen and Catholics." So as the priest sat down again, Little Murphy in the back pew got up, cleared his throat, and with his porkpie hat in his hand said, "His brother was even worse!". ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Jean for this picture: Thanks to Walter, the Stonecarver, for this picture Click through for the pig p;icture Mandarin Fish ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Marcos Ortega, 33, Ocean Township, New Jersey Drunk Motorist Hit Pedestrian, Kept Driving With Victim "Halfway Through The Vehicle's Windshield" After striking a pedestrian with his car, a drunk New Jersey bonehead drove for more than a mile with the critically injured victim lodged in the vehicle’s windshield, investigators allege. Responding to a report Monday of an erratic driver, an Ocean Township Police Department officer spotted an auto “with what appeared to be a person lying on the hood of the vehicle.” A cop initiated a traffic stop around 7 PM and found “a person halfway through the vehicle’s windshield,” according to prosecutors. A subsequent investigation determined that driver Marcos Ortega, 33, struck the victim when he crossed onto the shoulder on Route 9. Cops estimated that Ortega drove “approximately 1.5 miles” with Kenneth Moeller, 61, lodged in the car’s windshield. Moeller was extricated from the vehicle by emergency service workers and transported to the Jersey Shore University Medical Center, where he is listed in critical condition. The drunk Ortega was charged with drunk driving and leaving the scene of an accident. He was booked into the county jail in lieu of $150,000 bail. Tech Support Pits From: Iana Re: Reminder Dear Webby! I need a reliable reminder service, where I can enter appointments and get email reminders in time to plan my week. What do you recommend? Iana Dear Iana I have used a href="http://mymemorizer.com">http://mymemorizer.com for many years. It is free, and you can set it to remind you on four different time intervals, for example, a month, week, 3 days, 1 day in advance, and even tell it at what time of the day to send you the reminder emails. You don't have to set those intervals all the same, but can vary them for each event. It also has a nice calendar where it shows you the booked events in the colors of your choice. I am quite happy with it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The story is told of a Russian named Ivanovich who visited the Moscow zoo for the first time. To his amazement, he found a little lamb sharing the cage with a big fierce lion. Ivanovich expressed surprise to his guide. The guide smiled and said, "That is peaceful coexistence." When Ivanovich shook his head in a doubtful way, the guide explained, "Of course, we have to put in a fresh lamb every morning."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Trash Can Liners Most people have several trash containers throughout their house: kitchen, bathroom, bedrooms, office, etc. Most trash that is tossed is dry. If you reserve one trash container for wet trash (kitchen would be a logical one), you can simply empty the others into it on trash day, instead of bagging them all individually. Saves on trash can liners. By Leann D ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ A handsome young man walks into a chemist shop which is owned and run by two old spinster sisters. The man said to the two old women, "Every time I see a woman, I get the urge to hug and kiss her, and to make mad, passionate love. Is there anything you can give me for this?" The two old women whispered to each other for a moment, and then one of them replied, "My sister and I will give you $200 a week and the two-room flat above the shop." ______________________________________________________ A gentleman goes to Africa and asks his tourist guide while walking in the jungle, "Are we safe here? Aren't there cannibals around here?" The tourist guide says, "Yes, it's safe. You can be sure there are no cannibals in Africa." The tourist replied, "But I heard there may still be some cannibals around here." The guide answered, "There are NO cannibals here. I'm sure. We ate the last one yesterday."


20 weird pictures

Today in 
1832 The first streetcar went into operation in New York 
 City, NY. The vehicle was horse-drawn and had room for 
 30 people. 
1851 Herman Melville's novel "Moby Dick" was first 
 published in the U.S. 
1881 Charles J. Guiteau's trial began for the assassination 
 of U.S. President Garfield. Guiteau was convicted and 
 hanged the following year. 
1889 New York World reporter Nellie Bly (Elizabeth Cochrane) 
 began an attempt to surpass the fictitious journey of Jules 
 Verne's Phileas Fogg by traveling around the world in less 
 than 80 days. Bly succeeded by finishing the journey the 
 following January in 72 days, 6 hours and 11 minutes. 
1922 The British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) began 
 domestic radio service. 
1935 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt proclaimed the 
 Philippine Islands a free commonwealth after its new 
 constitution was approved. The Tydings-McDuffie Act planned 
 for the Phillipines to be completely independent by July 4, 
 1946. 
1940 During World War II, German war planes destroyed most 
 of the English town of Coventry when about 500 Luftwaffe 
 bombers attacked. 
1951 The first telecast of a world lightweight title fight 
 was seen coast to coast. Jimmy Carter beat Art Aragon in 
 Los Angeles. 
1956 The USSR crushed the Hungarian uprising. 
1968 Yale University announced it was going co-educational. 
1969 Apollo 12 blasted off for the moon from Cape Kennedy
1969 During the Vietnam War, Major General Bruno Arthur 
 Hochmuth, commander of the Third Marine Division, became 
 the first general to be killed in Vietnam by enemy fire. 
1972 Blue Ribbon Sports became Nike. 
1973 Britain's Princess Anne married a commoner, Capt. 
 Mark Phillips, in Westminster Abbey. They divorced in 
 1992, and Princess Anne re-married. 
1979 U.S. President Carter froze all Iranian assets in the 
 United States and U.S. banks abroad in response to the 
 taking of 63 American hostages at the U.S. embassy in 
 Tehran, Iran. 
1983 The British government announced that U.S.-made 
 cruise missiles had arrived at the Greenham Common air 
 base amid protests. 
1989 The U.S. Navy ordered an unprecedented 48-hour 
 stand-down in the wake of a recent string of serious 
 accidents. 
1991 After 13 years in exile Cambodian Prince Norodom 
 Sihanouk returned to his homeland. 
1994 U.S. experts visited North Korea's main nuclear 
 complex for the first time under an accord that opened 
 such sites to outside inspections. 
1995 The U.S. government instituted a partial shutdown, 
 closing national parks and museums while most government 
 offices operated with skeleton crews.
2014  smiled.


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MS-Office 2003 vs 2007 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, November 13

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
Michael Brown's mother named as robbery attacker
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1805 Johann Georg Lehner, a Viennese butcher, invented a 
 recipe and called it the "frankfurter." It became known as
 the "Wiener".
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
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Rogues are preferable to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest. --- Alexandre Dumas (1802 - 1870) ______________________________________________________ A middle-aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, "How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?" "No, ma'am," explained the officer, "it's your foot." ______________________________________________________ A kind-hearted motorist saw a man struggling to change a tire alongside the highway, and pulled over to see whether he could help. The man had a very red face, and a dark smear across it where he'd wiped off sweat with dirty hands. His tie was undone and his shirt collar askew, and it was clear he had also wiped his hands on his once-white shirt. Close to him stood an immaculately neat woman who was speaking in quick, agitated tones. "Hello, there," said the motorist. "Say, I've changed a lot of tires . . . maybe I can help here." "You sure can," the man with the flat tire replied wearily. "My wife is an expert, too. If you will just do all the arguing with her about how this tire ought to be changed, I can concentrate on the dirty work and get the job done." ______________________________________________________ You never know when a little blessing will pop up in your life. Just the other day I was running late for work and probably doing about 15 miles over the limit when some dud pulled right in front of me. I didn't have the opportunity to pull around him and was forced to slow way down. Let me put it this way...I yelled a few things I wouldn't care to reprint here. Just then we rolled through an intersection and there was a cop in a police cruiser pointing his radar gun at oncoming traffic as plain as can be. 60 seconds earlier and he would have pinched me for sure. So I actually apologized to the guy in front of me...even though he couldn't hear it...or the stuff I was yelling at him earlier, but I felt he deserved it for saving me from that ticket. In fact, he saved me a lot of frustration and aggravation, because that one little bit of luck really improved my mood for the rest of the day. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Walter, the Stonecarver, for this picture ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lesley McSpadden, 34, Ferguson, Missouri Michael Brown's mother named as robbery attacker NOVEMBER 6--A police report detailing a fight last month between members of Michael Brown’s family over the sale of commemorative t-shirts identifies the late teenager’s mother as one of the “attackers” who beat and robbed vendors selling the merchandise from a tent in a Ferguson, Missouri parking lot. A copy of the Ferguson Police Department report was provided yesterday by city attorney Stephanie Karr. When TSG requested the document two weeks ago, Karr noted that Brown’s mother, Lesley McSpadden, was “described in the report” and had “specifically requested that the report be withheld from the media.” Karr added, “Knowing this, do you still want a copy of the report?” The violent October 18 ransacking--which police have classified as felony armed robbery--remains under active investigation, said Karr. “No charges have been filed yet and no decision about charges will be made until the investigation is concluded,” the lawyer told TSG yesterday. Since they were not charged for looting white businesses in August, it could get very complicated if they were charged for looting and robbing relatives. The police probe of the attack, which left one victim hospitalized, is occurring at the same time a grand jury is weighing possible criminal charges against the Ferguson cop who shot the unarmed Brown during an August confrontation. According to the report, Pearlie Gordon, 54, and two men were selling “Justice for Mike Brown” merchandise on a Saturday afternoon when “a large group of about 20-30 subjects ‘jumped out of vehicles and rushed them.’” Gordon is the mother-in-law of Michael Brown Sr., McSpadden's ex-husband. Gordon told police that McSpadden, 34, approached her and said, “You can’t sell this shit.” Gordon replied, according to the report, that “unless McSpadden could produce documentation stating that she had a patent on her son’s name she (Gordon) was going to continue to sell her merchandise.” McSpadden’s mother, Desureia Harris, began to rip down t-shirts hanging on a line, Gordon told officers. Then, she added, other members of McSpadden’s mob began “tearing her booth apart.” Gordon said that during the melee she was repeatedly struck in the head and knocked to the ground. At one point, Gordon recalled, she heard McSpadden “yell to an unknown subject, ‘That’s Calvina’s mom, get her ass.” [Calvina is the first name of Michael Brown Sr.'s wife.] “McSpadden then ran up and punched Gordon,” according to the report. Gordon’s male associates were also beaten--reportedly with a pipe--during the confrontation, and one of the men was transported by EMS workers to a local hospital for treatment of “injuries sustained during the assault.” Gordon identified McSpadden (seen above), McSpadden's spouse, Harris, and several others as the “attackers.” More than $1500 in merchandise and $400 in cash “was stolen by McSpadden’s mob”, who fled before police arrived, the report notes. A witness whose name was redacted from the report told cops that she watched the attack from her car while at a red signal. The woman said she saw several individuals enter the tent from opposite sides and begin “assaulting (punching) the vendors.” That witness has since disappeared. Tech Support Pits From: Kelly Re: MS Office 2003 and 2007 Dear Webby! Dear Webby, I got both 2003 and 2007 mixed up on my computer, which is a hand-me-down, or up, from my son. I get along with 2003, if I have to, but hate 2007. 2007 is apparently a trial version, but Microsoft says the only way to uninstall it is to buy the 2007 or 2010 CD. Why would I buy 2007, just to get rid of the silly crap? What do you recommend? Kelly Dear Kelly A lot of people feel the same way about 2007, and even 2003. Personally, if I don't use Corel Quattro or Open Office Calc, I use Excel 2000. After all, I just want to get work done, not gush about how pwetty the new version is. Corel Quattro is not free. It is part of Corel Office. You can get older versions of Corel office on ebay for $10 - $15. No real changes between the versions. Open Office, of course is free. You get it at http://www.openoffice.org/ Most of Europe and Asia, and a lot of big companies here have switched to Open Office. When they have 500, 1000, or 5000 computers, the cost of Microsoft Office versus the free Open Office makes a big difference. Open Office is close enough to Microsoft Office, that you can easily adjust your habits to it. Open Office picks up Microsoft Office files, and even saves them back in that format, if you want. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
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Jim strolls into the paint section of a hardware store and walks up to the assistant. "I'd like a pint of canary-colored paint," he says. "Certainly," says the clerk. "Mind if I ask why you need it?" "My parakeet," says Jim. "See, I want to enter him in a canary contest. He sings so sweetly that I know he's sure to win." "Well, you can't do that!" the assistant says. "The chemicals in the paint will almost certainly kill the poor thing!" "No, they won't," Jim replies. "Listen, Buddy, I'll bet you ten bucks your parakeet dies if you try to paint him." "You're on!" says Jim. Two days later Jim comes back looking very sheepish and puts ten dollars on the counter in front of the clerk. "So the paint killed your bird?" "Indirectly," Jim says. "He seemed to handle the paint okay, but he didn't survive the sanding between coats." ------- Should have used dye. No need to sand clothes and feathers between dunking.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Egg Crates for Veggie Storage Use egg crates as a base for vegetables. If a veggie becomes "weepy" before you can use it, it won't drip onto the others. Cut the crates to fit your basket or shelf. Extra: Because you can ripen tomatoes in a brown paper bag, the cardboard crates are great for green tomatoes. By Kelli [17] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ Airman Johnson was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Johnson had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Johnson's sales pitch. Johnson explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000." "Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Nina from Oz for this story: Neville the Aborigine had been out of work for a long time and when he was offered the job at the council as a garbage collector he decided to take it up. On his first day things were going great until he arrived at one house and noticed there was no wheelie bin out the front. Neville thought to himself, "I wanna do a good job and not get fired from here but if they find out I missed one house then I will get fired." So he went up to the door and knocked on it. To his surprise it was a fellow Aborigine who answered. Neville breathed a sigh of relief and said to the other bloke, "Where's ya bin?" The man replied, "I bin on 'olidays." Neville then said, "Na, mate, where's ya BIN?" "I bin on 'olidays I tell ya," was the reply. Neville, slightly frustrated, says, "Na, ya silly idiot. Where's ya Wheelie Bin?" The other bloke looked round to see who might be listening. "Well," he said. "I weally bin in jail but I'm tellin' everyone I bin on 'olidays, eh!"


SkyStreaks

Today in 
1775 During the American Revolution, U.S. forces captured 
 Montreal. 
1789 Benjamin Franklin wrote a letter to a friend in which 
 he said, "In this world nothing can be said to be certain, 
 except death and taxes." 
1805 Johann Georg Lehner, a Viennese butcher, invented a 
 recipe and called it the "frankfurter." It became known as
 the "Wiener".
1927 The Holland Tunnel opened to the public, providing 
 access between New York City and New Jersey beneath the 
 Hudson River.
1933 In Austin, MN, the first sit-down labor strike in 
 America took place. 
1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a measure 
 lowering the minimum draft age from 21 to 18. 
1956 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down laws calling for 
 racial segregation on public buses. 
1971 The U.S. spacecraft Mariner 9 became the first spacecraft 
 to orbit another planet, Mars. 
1977 The comic strip "Li'l Abner" by Al Capp appeared in 
 newspapers for the last time. 
1982 The Vietnam Veterans Memorial was dedicated in Washington
1984 A libel suit against Time, Inc. by former Israeli Defense 
 Minister Ariel Sharon went to trial in New York. 
1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan publicly acknowledged that 
 the U.S. had sent "defensive weapons and spare parts" to Iran. 
 He denied that the shipments were sent to free hostages, but 
 that they had been sent to improve relations. 
1994 Sweden voted to join the European Union. 
1998 "The Wizard of Oz" was released on the big screen by 
 Warner Bros. 59 years after its original release. 
1998 Monica Lewinsky signed a deal with St. Martin's Press 
 for the North American rights to her story about her affair 
 with U.S. President Bill Clinton. 
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush signed an executive order 
 that would allow for military tribunals to try any foreigners 
 captured with connections to the terrorist attacks on the 
 United States on September 11, 2001. It was the first time 
 since World War II that a president had taken such action. 
2009 NASA announced that water had been discoved on the moon. 
2014  smiled.


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Return Key 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, November 12

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Massachusetts man, who got arrested for dual 
attempted murder over dog poop dispute
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1859 The first flying trapeze act was performed by Jules 
 Leotard at Cirque Napoleon in Paris, France. He was also 
 the designer of the garment that is named after him.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
Being a woman is a terribly difficult task since it consists principally in dealing with men. --- Joseph Conrad (1857 - 1924) A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience. --- Miguel de Cervantes ______________________________________________________ At long last the good-humored boss was compelled to call Fisk into his office. "It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium you have to take your aunt to the doctor." "You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Fisk. "I didn't realize it. You don't suppose she's faking it, do you?" ______________________________________________________ A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?" The woman, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?" "Yes granddaughter, it's me." "It's really, really you, grandmother?", the woman repeats. "Yes, it's really me, granddaughter." The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?" "Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me." The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you." "Anything, my child." "Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?" ______________________________________________________ >From Dora We had built our dream house several years ago, and furnished it with quality pieces as we could afford them. Now the delivery truck carrying the last purchase, a new bedroom suite, was pulling into the driveway. "Finally!" I exclaimed, flinging open the front door as the driver walked up to the house. "I've been waiting twelve years for this!" "Don't blame me, lady," he said. "I just got the order this morning." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dawn for this picture Click through for the large picture Georgia ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Valentin, Attempted Double Homicide After Dog-Poop Dispute in Massachusetts A dispute between neighbors about a dog's bodily waste in Springfield, Massachusetts, has resulted in a tenant being charged with felony assault and attempted murder. Michael Valentin, 33, was arrested Saturday for allegedly stabbing a 46-year-old woman and her 23-year-old daughter. Police said the attacks stemmed from an argument between Valentin and the victims about their pit bull, which Valentin said had defecated on the rear stairs and in the side yard, MassLive reports. The deputies first showed up at the apartment building around 9:30 a.m. and sought to resolve the problem with the help of the landlord. After they left, Valentin allegedly erupted into violence by attacking his second floor neighbors. The mother was stabbed several times in the back while the daughter was stabbed in the face and neck. The mother was taken to the hospital with injuries that are not life-threatening, and has been upgraded from critical to stable condition, according to WTNH.com. The daughter is reportedly in good condition. Valentin was arrested and charged with armed assault with intent to murder, mayhem as well as assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, according to the Associated Press. Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: Return Key Dear Webby! Dear Webby, I keep seeing soemthing that says to use the "return" key to get back to something previoulsy viewed. What is the retuen key? I susally use the back arrow button on the taskbar. Just curious. Thanks again. Sharon Dear Sharon With electric typewriters, that's the Carriage Return key that looks like the Enter key on a computer keyboard. Some silly bozos call the BackSpace key a "Return key". That is usually due to too much booze and/or dope and not remembering that the phrase is supposed to be: To return to the previous page, hit the Backspace key. By the way, in the really old days, before electric typewriters, you had to slap the carriage to return it to the right. That led to a few hilarious moments when typists switched to Wang Word Processors, IBM DisplayWrite or PCs, as you can see in this movie. Return! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
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A woman went to her doctor's office where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about four minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out screaming and ran down the hallway. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was. She told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor and demanded: "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Smith is 59 years old, has four grown children, seven grandchildren and you told her she was pregnant?!?! The new doctor continued writing on his clipboard and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Egg Crates for Veggie Storage Use egg crates as a base for vegetables. If a veggie becomes "weepy" before you can use it, it won't drip onto the others. Cut the crates to fit your basket or shelf. Extra: Because you can ripen tomatoes in a brown paper bag, the cardboard crates are great for green tomatoes. By Kelli [17] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ Two guys are drinking in a bar. One says, “Did you know that lions have sex 10 to 15 times a night?” “Dang,” says his friend, “and I just joined The Elks!!” ______________________________________________________ A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill, at after hours, over-time rate." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.


SkyStreaks

Today in 
1799 Andrew Ellicott Douglass witnesses the Leonids meteor 
 shower from a ship off the Florida Keys. 
1859 The first flying trapeze act was performed by Jules 
 Leotard at Cirque Napoleon in Paris, France. He was also 
 the designer of the garment that is named after him. 
1918 Austria and Czechoslovakia were declared independent 
 republics. 
1921 Representatives of nine nations gathered for the start 
 of the Washington Conference for Limitation of Armaments. 
1927 Joseph Stalin became the undisputed ruler of the Soviet Union. 
 Leon Trotsky was expelled from the Communist Party leading to 
 Stalin coming to power. 
1931 Maple Leaf Gardens opened in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.
1942 During World War II, naval battle of Guadalcanal began 
 between Japanese and American forces. The Americans won a major 
 victory. 
1944 During World War II, the German battleship "Tirpitz" was 
 sunk off the coast of Norway. 
1948 The war crimes tribunal sentenced Japanese Premier Hideki 
 Tojo and six other World War II Japanese leaders to death. 
1954 Ellis Island, the immigration station in New York Harbor, 
 closed after processing more than 20 million immigrants since 1892. 
1979 U.S. President Carter ordered a halt to all oil imports from 
 Iran in response to 63 Americans being taken hostage at the U.S. 
 embassy in Tehran, Iran on November 4. 
1980 The U.S. space probe Voyager I came within 77,000 miles of 
 Saturn while transmitting data back to Earth. 
1984 Space shuttle astronauts Dale Gardner and Joe Allen snared 
 the Palapa B-2 satellite in history's first space salvage. 
1987 The American Medical Association issued a policy statement 
 that said it was unethical for a doctor to refuse to treat 
 someone solely because that person had AIDS or was HIV-positive. 
1990 Japanese Emperor Akihito formally assumed the 
 Chrysanthemum Throne. 
1995 The space shuttle Atlantis blasted off on a mission to dock 
 with the Russian space station Mir. 
1997 The UN Security Council imposed new sanctions on Iraq for 
 constraints being placed on UN arms inspectors. 
1997 Ramzi Yousef was found guilty of masterminding the 1993 
 bombing of the World Trade Center. 
1998 Daimler-Benz completed a merger with Chrysler to form 
 Daimler-Chrysler AG. 
2001 American Airlines flight 587 crashed just minutes after 
 take off from Kennedy Airport in New York. The Airbus A300 
 crashed into the Rockaway Beach section of Queens. All 260 
 people aboard were killed. 
2001 It was reported that the Northern Alliance had taken the 
 Kabul, Afghanistan, from the ruling Taliban. The Norther 
 Alliance at this point was reported to have control over 
 most of the northern areas of Afghanistan. 
2002 Stan Lee filed a lawsuit against Marvel Entertainment Inc. 
 that claimed the company had cheated him out of millions of 
 dollars in movie profits related to the 2002 movie 
 "Spider-Man." Lee was the creator of Spider-Man, the Incredible 
 Hulk and Daredevil. 
2013 A series of portraits of Lucian Freud by the British 
 painter Francis Bacon known as Three Studies of Lucian Freud 
 sold for $142.4 million at an auction in New York City. 
2014  smiled.


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Is the current FF good? 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, November 11
Veterans Day, Remembrance Day

At 11:00 play this:
A Pittance of time


They fought and some died for their homeland
They fought and some died now it’s our land
Look at his little child, there’s no fear in her eyes
Could he not show respect for other dads who have died?

Take two minutes, would you mind?
It’s a pittance of time
For the boys and the girls who went over
In peace may they rest, may we never forget why they died.
It’s a pittance of time

God forgive me for wanting to strike him
Give me strength so as not to be like him
My heart pounds in my breast, fingers pressed to my lips
My throat wants to bawl out, my tongue barely resists

But two minutes I will bide
It’s a pittance of time
For the boys and the girls who went over
In peace may they rest, may we never forget why they died.
It’s a pittance of time

Read the letters and poems of the heroes at home
They have casualties, battles, and fears of their own
There’s a price to be paid if you go, if you stay
Freedom is fought for and won in numerous ways

Take two minutes would you mind?
It’s a pittance of time
For the boys and the girls all over
May we never forget our young become vets
At the end of the line it’s a pittance of time

It takes courage to fight in your own war
It takes courage to fight someone else’s war
Our peacekeepers tell of their own living hell
They bring hope to foreign lands that the hatemongers can’t kill.

Take two minutes, would you mind?
It’s a pittance of time
For the boys and the girls who go over
In peacetime our best still don battle dress
And lay their lives on the line.
It’s a pittance of time

In Peace may they rest, lest we forget why they died.
Take a pittance of time


If that plays rough at 11:00, it is because Millions are 
playing it, and Millions more are listening to it, when 
stores, factories and offices play it for the 2 minutes
of silence at 11:00. If you want to play it at your business,
save it beforehand and then play the saved version at 11:00.





In Flanders fields the poppies blow
      Between the crosses, row on row,
   That mark our place; and in the sky
   The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
   Loved and were loved, and now we lie
         In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
   The torch; be yours to hold it high.
   If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
         In Flanders fields.





Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
wannabe kidnapper in Utah, who gave up his 5 year old victim
when threatened with dire consequences by her foster father.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1918 World War I came to an end when the Allies and Germany 
 signed an armistice. This day became recognized as Veteran's 
 Day in the United States and Remebrance day in Commonwealth 
 countries.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
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Imagination is more important than knowledge... --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying. --- Ronald Reagan ______________________________________________________ One day, Uncle Joe got fired from his construction job. His nephew asked him what happened. "You know what a foreman is?" he asked. "The one who stands around and watches the other men work?" "What's that got to do with it?" he asked. "Well, he just got jealous of me," Uncle Joe explained. "Everyone thought I was the foreman." ______________________________________________________ A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in- law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. The wife cried, "What are we going to do?" "Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The stupid lion got himself in trouble, let him get himself out of it." ______________________________________________________ Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami. They had been meeting that park every sunny day, for over 12 years, chatting and enjoying each others' friendship. One day, the younger of the two ladies, turns to the other and says, "Please don't be angry with me dear, but I am embarrassed. After all these years, what is your name? I am trying to remember, but I just can't." The older friend stares at her, looking very distressed, says nothing for 2 full minutes, and finally with tearful eyes, says, "How soon do you have to know?" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dawn for this picture Click through for the large picture Delaware ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Troy Morley, 48 of Roy, Utah wannabe kidnapper in Utah gave up his 5 year old victim when threatened with dire consequences by her foster father. A set of Utah parents were awakened Friday to an unsettling noise for 4:30 in the morning: the sound of their front door opening and their 5-year-old daughter talking. When the father rushed outside in his pajama pants and hoodie he saw the terrifying sight of his 5-year-old stepdaughter in the arms of a stranger who was carrying her away across the front lawn. The man had snatched the girl out of her bed in the basement moments earlier after coming in the house through an unlocked door, police said. The father confronted the man, demanding that he give the girl back. Without a fight, the intruder handed her over, and then fled the scene. "There was a man in my home and he took my 5-year-old daughter," said the mother, crying, in a 911 call moments later. "I happened to wake up and he had my daughter outside. My husband ran out there and got her from him. But he took my daughter." "But do you have your daughter back now?" said the dispatcher. "Yeah, but he's out there somewhere," she said. "He came in my home...He took my daughter from my house." A man later identified as Troy Morley, 48, of Roy, Utah, was caught two blocks away after breaking into another house in a middle-class neighborhood in the Salt Lake City suburb of Sandy. Morley was arrested and booked on charges of child kidnapping, burglary, trespassing and resisting arrest. The 5-year-old girl wasn't hurt in the frightening experience, but the incident has evoked haunting echoes of when 14-year-old Elizabeth Smart was snatched out of her Salt Lake City bedroom in 2002. She was held captive for nine months before being found. The abduction attempt was not targeted, but a random incident, said Sandy Police Sgt. Dean Carriger. The family said they don't know Morley. The intruder was in the family's basement searching through things when he came upon the girl sleeping in her bedroom, Carriger said. Police don't know what his motive was. "It obviously was a very scary, traumatic situation," Carriger said. "The sanctity of our home is huge and for somebody to enter that and grab your child, it's got to be one of the worst nightmares a parent could face. ... If those parents were not awakened to go out and investigate, he could have easily left undetected with the girl." After the 911 call, officers set up a perimeter, and with the help of police dogs, launched a search. The suspect went into a second home two blocks away through a doggy door in an attempt to evade capture. Luckily, the bonehead was too stupid to realize that a doggie door big enough for him, would indicate good size dogs. Those dogs at that house alerted the residents, who yelled at police already in the area to come get him. The dogs chased him outside again, where a police dog promptly took him to ground. Police captured Morley outside the second home thanks to a police dog that bit the suspect in the upper shoulder, and held on. Morley isn't on Utah's sex offender registry and online court records only show a pair of divorces and DUI charges. Holman called it a miracle that the parents woke up in time. "Thirty seconds later and it would have been all over," Holman said. "He would have been long gone." "Things like that just don't happen around here," said Melissa Johnson, 26, who is staying in her parents' house that is next to the home where the abduction event occurred. She said her younger sibling heard screams and commotion in the early morning and came to sleep with her downstairs. Johnson said they attend the same Mormon congregation as the family. Johnson and other neighbors say it's a scary thought that a man capable of snatching a child was roaming their neighborhood in the night. About 45 miles north in Roy, where Morley lived, neighbors said they weren't the least bit surprised to find out the man known as a super creep had been accused of trying to abduct a girl. Next-door neighbor Andrea Shearer, 33, said she forbid her children to interact with Morley after a series of bizarre and inappropriate conversations. Shearer said Morley had been caught sneaking into backyards, including hers. She obtained a no trespass order on him from police. She said she believes Morley had a meth addiction. He talked about a satanic cult causing his wife to leave him and having critters crawling through the attic, she said. "He scared me. I'm so glad he's gone," said Shearer, a health care professional. "You always hear people saying about their neighbor that they seemed so quiet and normal. Not him, I'm not surprised." Tech Support Pits From: Amy Re: FireFox update Dear Webby! Dear Webby, my granddaughter told me to skip the current FireFox update. She says it is crap and does not get along with Adobe Flash. Since I watch a lot of Youtube movies, that all seem to require Adobe Flash, I am concerned. What do you recommend? Amy Dear Amy I would agree with your grand daughter. Skip it. The new "Forget it" icon might be important to people, who want to hide their tracks, but I doubt that you need that. The new version also tends to forget the tabs you had open, when you close FF or reboot. Just skip this update and see if the next one will be better. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
A Kiwi was hoping to immigrate to Australia. Upon arriving in Australia, he was questioned by a customs officer, "What is your business in Australia?" "I wish to immigrate," was the Kiwi's reply. The customs officer then asked, "Do you have a conviction record?" Confused, the Kiwi then replied, "I didn't think you still needed one."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Getting Crayon Marks Off of Walls Good way to get crayon marks off of walls is to take your hair dryer and hold the heat on the crayon for a couple of minutes. It will start to melt the crayon. Then take a rag with warm water and it will wipe off. By Debbie N from Tacoma, WA WD40 works too on most types of wall paint. http://www.thriftyfun.com/ ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ One psychiatrist has discovered a great way to get his patients to talk freely. He puts a cell phone in their hands. ______________________________________________________ Actual Bumper Stickers Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. Cover me. I'm changing lanes. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. Sometimes I wake up grumpy, Other times I let him sleep. I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. It is as bad as you think, and they are out to get you. Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check? If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? Forget about World Peace... Visualise Using Your Turn Signal! Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear. Give me ambiguity or give me something else. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. He who laughs last thinks slowest Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. i souport publik edekasion Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. Three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't. Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word? Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!' ...till you can find a big rock.


this is what NO SNOW looks like

Today in 
1620 The Mayflower Compact was signed by the 41 men on the 
 Mayflower when they landed in what is now Provincetown 
 Harbor near Cape Cod. The compact called for "just and 
 equal laws." 
1831 Nat Turner, a slave and educated minister, was hanged 
 in Jerusalem, VA, after inciting a violent slave uprising. 
1851 The telescope was patented by Alvan Clark. It had been 
 in use for centuries, but never patented before.
1880 Australian outlaw and bank robber Ned Kelly was hanged 
 at the Melbourne jail at age 25. 
1887 Labor Activists were hanged in Illinois after being 
 convicted of being connected to a bombing that killed 
 eight police officers. 
1918 World War I came to an end when the Allies and Germany 
 signed an armistice. This day became recognized as Veteran's 
 Day in the United States and Remebrance day in Commonwealth 
 countries.
1918 Poland was reestablished shortly after the surrender 
 of Germany. 
1920 The body of an unknown British soldier was buried in 
 Westminster Abbey. The service was recorded with the first 
 electronic recording process developed by Lionel Guest 
 and H.O. Merriman. 
1921 The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier was dedicated at 
 Arlington Cemetery in Virginia by U.S. President Harding. 
1940 The Jeep made its debut. 
1942 During World War II, Germany completed its occupation 
 of France. 
1952 The first video recorder was demonstrated by John Mullin 
 and Wayne Johnson in Beverly Hills, CA. 
1965 The government of Rhodesia declared its independence 
 from Britain. The country later became known as Zimbabwe. 
1966 The U.S. launched Gemini 12 from Cape Kennedy, FL. The 
 craft circled the Earth 59 times before returning. 
1972 The U.S. Army turned over its base at Long Bihn to the 
 South Vietnamese army. The event symbolized the end of 
 direct involvement in the Vietnam War by the U.S. military. 
1975 Civil war broke out when Angola gained independence 
 from Portugal. 
1981 Stuntman Dan Goodwin scaled the outside of the 100-story 
 John Hancock Center in Chicago in about six hours. 
1981 The U.S.S. Ohio was commissioned at the Electric Boat 
 Division in Groton, CT. It was the first Trident class submarine. 
1984 The Reverend Martin Luther King Sr. died in Atlanta at age 84. 
1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan accepted the Vietnam Veterans 
 Memorial as a gift to the nation from the Vietnam Veterans 
 Memorial Fund. 
1984 Gary Coleman, at age 13, underwent his second kidney 
 transplant in Los Angeles. He had his first transplant at age 5. 
1986 Sperry Rand and Burroughs merged to form "Unisys," becoming 
 the second largest computer company. 
1987 Vincent Van Gogh's "Irises" was sold for a then record 53.9 
 million dollars in New York. 
1988 Police in Sacramento, CA, found the first of seven bodies 
 buried on the grounds of a boardinghouse. Dorothea Puente was 
 later charged in the deaths of nine people, convicted of three 
 murders and sentenced to life in prison. 
1991 The U.S. stationed its first diplomat in Cambodia in 
 16 years to help the nation arrange democratic elections. 
1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin told U.S. senators in a 
 letter that Americans had been held in prison camps after 
 World War II. Some were "summarily executed," but others 
 were still living in his country voluntarily. 
1992 The Church of England voted to ordain women as priests. 
1993 Walt Disney Co. announced plans to build a U.S. history 
 theme park in a Virginia suburb of Washington. The plan was 
 halted later due to local opposition. 
1993 In Washington, DC, the Vietnam Women's Memorial was 
 dedicated to honor the more than 11,000 women who had served 
 in the Vietnam War. 
1994 In Gaza, a suicide bomber detonated his explosives at 
 an Israeli military checkpoint killing three soldiers. 
1996 The Vietnam Veterans Memorial Fund unveiled "The Wall 
 That Heals." The work was a half-scale replica of the 
 Vietnam Veterans Memorial that would tour communities 
 throughout the United States. 
1997 The Eastman Kodak Company announced that they were 
 laying off 10,000 employees. 
1998 Jay Cochrane set a record for the longest blindfolded skywalk. 
 He walked on a tightrope between the towers of the Flamingo Hilton 
 in Las Vegas, NV. The towers are 600 feet apart. 
1998 Israel's Cabinet ratified a land-for-peace agreement with the 
 Palestinians. 
2002 Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates pledged $100 million to fight 
AIDS in India. 
2014  smiled.


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Rural wireless broadband 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, November 10

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
man in Florida, who pestered a 911 dispatcher for a date.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1871 Henry M. Stanley, journalist and explorer, found David 
 Livingstone. Livingston was a missing Scottish missionary 
 in central Africa. Stanley delivered his famous greeting: 
 "Dr. Livingstone, I presume?" 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it. --- Cullen Hightower ______________________________________________________ A woman gets onto a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "There's no call for that. You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you." Some day, after the swelling goes down, he will be able to see again. ______________________________________________________ A police officer pulls over a car load of nuns.... Officer: "Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway -- why are you going so slow?" Sister: "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65." Officer: "Oh Sister, that's not the speed limit. That's the name of the highway you're on!" Sister: "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful." At this point the officer looks in the back seat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. Officer: "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something terrible." Sister: "Oh, we just got off of highway 119." Officer: "Ten miles ahead is the 401. The speed limit there is 65, not 401. We DO have jets that go that fast. They will shoot you down if they catch you doing 401." ---- The #401 has been renamed since then to the "Highway of Heroes" to commemorate the soldiers who died in Afghanistan and were repatriated on that highway. ______________________________________________________ Only women of a certain era will fully appreciate this ....true story. A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing in a small new England town where Paul Newman and his family often visited. One Sunday morning, the woman got up early to take a long walk. After a brisk five-mile hike, she decided to treat herself to a double-dip chocolate ice cream cone. She hopped in the car, drove to the center of the village and went straight to the combination bakery/ice cream parlor. There was only one other patron in the store. Paul Newman, sitting at the counter having a doughnut and coffee. The woman's heart skipped a beat as her eyes made contact with those famous baby-blue eyes. With a slow smile, the actor nodded graciously and the star struck woman smiled demurely. Pull yourself together! She chides herself. You're a happily married woman with three grown children, you're fifty years old, not a teenager! The clerk filled her order and she took the double-dip chocolate ice cream cone in one hand and her change in the other. Then she went out the door, avoiding even a glance in Paul Newman's direction. When she reached her car, she realized that she had a handful of change but her other hand was empty. Where's my ice cream cone? Oh for heavens sake did I leave it in the store? Back into the shop she went, expecting to see the cone still in the clerk's hand or in a holder on the counter or something. No ice cream cone was in sight. With that, she happened to look over at Paul Newman. His face broke into his familiar warm friendly grin and he said to the woman, "You put it in your purse." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dawn for this picture Click through for the large picture ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to

Stephen Ramsey, 45, Naples, Florida Florida man arrested for calling 911 to ask dispatcher for a date Stephen Ramsey, 45, is accused of calling 911 to ask for a date. Not being able to find a date might seem like an emergency, but it's not a reason to call 911. Case in point: Stephen Ramsey, 45, of Naples, Florida was arrested Tuesday after allegedly calling 911 three times and asking the dispatcher if she was interested on going on a date, WZVN TV reports. For the record, she wasn't. Still, Ramsey kept her on the phone for more than six minutes and asked her if she was "into handcuffs," the Florida Sun-Sentinel reports. He then laughed before finally hanging up the phone. A deputy was sent to the suspect's home. Ramsey allegedly told him he was "looking for a date or escort service to help him pass the time." The officer said Ramsey was "slurring his speech heavily" and had a "strong odor of an alcoholic beverage coming from his breath," according to Fox4Now.com. Ramsey was charged with misuse of 911 and is currently in the Collier County Jail on $2,000 bond.
Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: Wireless broadband Internet Dear Webby! Dear Webby. I love your humor. I've told many of your jokes to many people. Thanks for sharing them & your pics. I was asked by a friend if there was any wireless internet service she could check into that did not require a land phone line. I believe she uses a cell phone only & does not have cable tv either. I told her I would ask someone who would probably know. Your tech dept has been a lot of help. Sharon Dear Sharon Verizon and a few others have a cell modem. It works slightly better than dial-up, but everybody I know that uses it, hates it. They consider it an emergency measure until they can get back to DSL or cable. Then there is Wireless High Speed Internet in some areas. Some towns have it, but most don't. Many rural areas in Canada have it, but in the US, most don't have it. A lot of businesses in both the US and Canada and many parts of Europe have WiFi, which is basically just a home network with a bit of extra muscle. Most hotels and motels have it by now, also most hamburger joints and coffee shops. Tell her to search online for what is available in HER area. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An elderly Jewish man is sitting on a park bench reading Louis Farrakhan's newspaper. His best friend walks by, sees the paper, and stops - in shock. "What are you doing reading that paper?" he says. "You should be reading the 'Jewish Journal'!" The elderly man replies, "The Jewish Journal has stories about anti-Semitism, problems in Israel - all kinds troubles of the Jewish people. I like to read about good news." His friend gasps, "WHAT good news could possibly be in that paper???" "Well, Farrakhan's paper says the Jews have all the money, the Jews control the banks, the Jews control the press, the Jews control Hollywood -- see? All *good* news it is!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Privacy Window Using Contact Paper I decided that I didn't want to use curtains on our bathroom window so I was trying to find an alternative. I looked at the window films that they sell and didn't like how expensive they were. So instead, I purchased a roll of contact paper and cut out shapes that nested together. I did just the lower half of the window to allow light in. The neat part is that clear contact paper actually appears frosted on glass. I absolutely love it! Approximate Time: 2-3 hours By lalala... [495] Complete instructions For about the same price you can get liquid stained glass at all the better craft stores. They have plain colors and many different frostings, that produce actual 3D raised profiles. They also have liquid "lead", which is actually just a silicone in a needle tip squeeze tube. You mark the divisions with anything, that writes on glass. Then run a bead of the "lead" along your traces, and let it dry a few minutes. After that, pour color into each division, and add a drop of frosting, if desired. Done. You can do a window in 5 minutes, not counting time spent dreaming up a design. You can practise on plexiglass, and if your plexiglass is the right size, just snap it onto your window. You can have seasonal stained glass inserts and just change them now and then. From a few feet away you can not tell whether there is actually cut pieces of stained glass leaded together, or liquid stained glass. Just get a few colors and play! You can also practise on unused mirrors. You HAVE to lay them flat for pouring the colors and let them dry a few minutes. Have FUN! DearWebby http://www.thriftyfun.com/ ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ Four older ladies are sitting around playing bridge. The first lady says, "You know girls, I have known you all a long time and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a Kleptomaniac. But, don't worry, I have never stolen from you and I never will; we have been friends for too long." The second lady says, "Well, since we are having true confessions here, I must get something off my chest too. I am a Nymphomaniac. But don't worry, I have not hit on your husbands. They don't interest me and never will; we have been friends for too long." "Well," says the third lady, "I, too, must confess something. I am a Lesbian. But do not worry, I will not hit on you. You are not my type. We have been friends too long for me to ruin our friendship." The fourth lady stands up, says, "I have a confession to make also. I am an uncontrollable gossip, and I have some phone calls to make!" ______________________________________________________ A little girl was playing quietly while her mom and another lady friend were talking. The little girl let out a big fart. Her mother said "What do you say Suzy?", expecting the reply, "Excuse me." What she said instead was "Watch out, here comes another one!"


this is what NO SNOW looks like

Today in 
1775 The U.S. Marines were organized under authority of the 
 Continental Congress. The Marines went out of existence 
 after the end of the Revolutionary War in April of 1783. 
 The Marine Corps were formally re-established on July 11, 
 1798. This day is observed as the birth date of the United 
 States Marine Corps. 
1801 The U.S. state of Tennessee outlawed the practice of 
 dueling. 
1871 Henry M. Stanley, journalist and explorer, found David 
 Livingstone. Livingston was a missing Scottish missionary 
 in central Africa. Stanley delivered his famous greeting: 
 "Dr. Livingstone, I presume?" 
1917 41 suffragists were arrested in front of the White House. 
1928 Michinomiya Hirohito was enthroned as Emperor of Japan. 
1951 Direct-dial, coast-to-coast telephone service began when 
 Mayor M. Leslie Denning of Englewood, NJ, called his 
 counterpart in Alameda, CA. 
1954 The Iwo Jima Memorial was dedicated in Arlington, VA. 
1970 The Great Wall of China opened for tourism. 
1975 The U.N. General Assembly approved a resolution that 
 equated Zionism with racism. The resolution was repealed 
 in December of 1991. 
1975 The Edmund Fitzgerald, an ore-hauling ship, and its 
 crew of 29 vanished during a storm in Lake Superior. 
1976 The Utah Supreme Court gave approval for Gary Gilmore 
 to be executed, according to his wishes. The convicted 
 murderer was put to death the following January. 
1980 CBS News anchor Dan Rather claimed he had been 
 kidnapped in a cab. It turned out that Rather had refused 
 to pay the cab fare. 
1982 Soviet leader Leonid I. Brezhnev died of a heart attack 
 at age 75. He was suceeded by Yuri V. Andropov. 
1982 In Washington, DC, the Vietnam Veterans Memorial was 
 opened to visitors. 
1993 John Wayne Bobbitt was acquitted on the charge of marital 
 sexual assault against his wife who sexually mutilated him. 
 Lorena Bobbitt was later acquitted of malicious wounding her 
 husband. 
1993 The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Brady Bill, 
 which called for a five-day waiting period for handgun purchases. 
1994 U.S. officials announced that it planned to stop enforcing 
 the arms embargo against the Bosnian government the following 
 week. The U.N. Security Council was opposed to lifting the ban. 
1994 Iraq recognized Kuwait's borders in the hope that the action 
 would end trade sanctions. 
1995 Nigeria's military rulers hanged playwright Ken Saro-Wiwa 
 along with several other anti-government activists. 
1995 In Katmandu, Nepal, searchers rescued 549 hikers after a 
 massive avalanche struck the Himalayan foothills. The disaster 
 left 24 tourists and 32 Nepalese dead. 
1997 A jury in Virginia convicted Mir Aimal Kasi of the murder of 
 two CIA employees in 1993. 
1997 A judge in Cambridge, MA, reduced Louise Woodward's murder 
 conviction to manslaughter and sentenced the English au pair 
 to time served. She had served 279 days in the death of 
 8-month-old Matthew Eappen. 
1998 At the White House, "The Virtual Wall" website (www.thevirtualwall.org) 
 was unveiled. The site allows visitors to experience The Wall 
 through the Internet. 
2001 The World Trade Organization approved China's membership. 
2014  smiled.


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Which browser for what? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, November 9

Thank you, Frank!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a


Details at Boneheads

Today, in 


More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them. --- Lily Tomlin (1939 - ) ______________________________________________________ Working as a secretary at an international airport, my sister had an office adjacent to the room where security temporarily holds suspects. One day security officers were questioning a man when they were suddenly called away on another emergency. To the horror of my sister and her colleagues, the man was left alone in the unlocked room. After a few minutes, the door opened and he began to walk out. Summoning up her courage, one of the secretaries barked, "Get back in there, and don't you DARE come out until you're told!" The man scuttled back inside and slammed the door. When the security people returned, the women reported what had happened. Without a word, an officer walked into the room and released one very frightened telephone repairman. ______________________________________________________ A minister who was very fond of pure, hot horseradish always kept a bottle of it on his dining room table. He offered some to a guest, who took a big spoonful. When the guest finally was able to speak, he gasped, "I've heard many ministers preach hellfire, but you are the first one I've met who passed out a sample of it." ______________________________________________________ A couple were being given a guided tour of Pico da Bandeira, one of the highest mountains in the Americas. Their guide pointed out where a young couple, petrified by lava, had been discovered. They had died in the act of making love. "How awful !" exclaimed the wife. "Si, but what a great way to spend eternity." added the guide. "They probably died from the smoke and did not feel the lava." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Jean for this picture Click through for the large picture Milky Way over Devils Tower ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to

Deborah Delane Asher, 37, Laurel County, Kentucky Kentucky woman wearing 'I Love Crystal Meth' shirt arrested, for meth A Kentucky woman arrested on meth charges while wearing an "I love crystal meth" t-shirt now has one very ironic mugshot for her records. Deborah Delane Asher, 37, was busted on Tuesday for alleged trafficking in a controlled substance and possession of methamphetamine, according to Fox-17. Richard Jeffrey Rice, 57, was also charged in the case. "The arrests were the result of a drug investigation conducted there after deputies located 2 subjects in possession of 3.37 grams of crystal meth and a set of digital scales," police in Laurel County said.
Tech Support Pits From: Ellis Re: Best browser Dear Webby! I am getting fed up with IE. Which browser do you recommend? Ellis Dear Ellis I UNinstalled IE years ago, and use Chrome for regular work and FireFox for Internet Radio in the background. FireFox works well for slow and leisurely browsing, and for Internet Radio. You can leave that on for days without resetting the browser. It is not that good for hectic searching, especially if the pages have flash ads on the side. (Small movies for ads) Chrome does not like those either and will eventually bung up, but tolerates that kind of stuff a little bit better. Safari is great for reading e-books or long texts, but not really for much else. If you do a fair bit of reading, then get Safari as a spare browser. Not as your main browser, because it doesn't seem to be able to cope with a lot of hectic pages, but is a great reader. Both FireFox and Chrome have pretty good recovery from a crash, and usually re-open all your previously open tabs. With Chrome there is also Session-Buddy, a marvellous Add-On, that tracks your sessions like a properly organized History. Highly recommended! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"Watch out," the wife cautioned her husband, who was driving. "Don't you see that car is braking?" Then she snapped, "Don't pass that truck, his tire is wobbling." The husband turned on his CB and informed the trucker about his loose wheel. The wife, in a nasty mood because of a headache, was irritated by the incessant squealing of the CB. "Why do you always get so much static?" she asked. "Because," her long-suffering husband replied, "I'm married."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy Cheesy Lemon Bars Ingredients: 1 pkg lemon cake mix 1/2 cup margarine melted 1 egg 1 pkg creamy white frosting mix 1 (8 oz) pkg cream cheese softened Directions: Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Combine cake mix, margarine, and 1 egg. Stir until moist. Pat in 13x9 inch pan, greased on bottom only. Blend frosting mix into softened cream cheese. Reserve 1/2 cup for frosting mixture. Beat 3-5 minutes. Spread over base. Bake 30-40 minutes. Cool. Frost with frosting and cut into bars. By Sandy from Graettinger, IA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ A young doctor had just opened office and felt really excited. His secretary told him a man was here to see him. The young doctor told her to send him in. Pretending to be a busy doctor, he picked up the phone just as the man came in. "Yes, that's right. The fee is $200. Yes, I'll expect you ten past two. Alright. No later. I'm a very busy man." He hung up and turned to the man waiting. "May I help you?" "No," said the man, "I just came in to install the phone...." ______________________________________________________ Lori, the pert and pretty Nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. "Doctor, you must help me." she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week." "I see." nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter." "For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the Nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."


The World's 20 Most Amazing Dams

Today in 
1872 A fire destroyed about 800 buildings in Boston, MA. 
1906 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt left for Panama to 
 see the progress on the new canal. It was the first foreign 
 trip by a U.S. president. 
1911 George Claude of Paris, France, applied for a patent on 
 neon advertising signs. 
1918 Germany's Kaiser Wilhelm II announced he would abdicate. 
 He then fled to the Netherlands. 
1923 In Munich, the Beer Hall Putsch was crushed by German 
 troops that were loyal to the democratic government. The 
 event began the evening before when Adolf Hitler took control 
 of a beer hall full of Bavarian government leaders at 
 gunpoint. 
1938 Nazi troops and sympathizers destroyed and looted 7,500 
 Jewish businesses, burned 267 synagogues, killed 91 Jews, and 
 rounded up over 25,000 Jewish men in an event that became 
 known as Kristallnacht or "Night of Broken Glass." 
1961 Major Robert White flew an X-15 rocket plane at a world 
 record speed of 4,093 mph. 
1963 In Japan, about 450 miners were killed in a coal-dust explosion. 
1963 In Japan, 160 people died in a train crash. 
1965 The great Northeast blackout occurred as several states 
 and parts of Canada were hit by a series of power failures lasting 
 up to 13 1/2 hours. 
1967 A Saturn V rocket carrying an unmanned Apollo spacecraft 
blasted off from Cape Kennedy on a successful test flight. 
1979 The United Nations Security Council unanimously called 
upon Iran to release all American hostages "without delay." 
Militants, mostly students had taken 63 Americans hostage at 
the U.S. embassy in Tehran, Iran, on November 4. 
1981 U.S. troops began arriving in Egypt for a three-week 
 Rapid Deployment Force excercise. Somalia, Sudan and Oman 
 were also involved in the operation. 
1981 The Internation Monetary Fund approved a $5.8 billion 
 load to India. It was the highest loan to date. 
1982 Sugar Ray Leonard retired from boxing. In 1984 Leonard 
 came out of retirement to fight one more time before becoming 
 a boxing commentator for NBC. 
1989 Communist East Germany opened its borders, allowing its 
 citizens to travel freely to West Germany. 
1990 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev signed a 
 non-aggression treaty with Germany. 
1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin, visiting London, 
 appealed for assistance in rescheduling his country's debt, 
 and asked British businesses to invest. 
1998 A federal judge in New York approved the richest 
 antitrust settlement in U.S. history. A leading brokerage 
 firm was ordered to pay $1.03 billion to investors who had 
 sued over price-rigging of Nasdaq stocks. 
1998 PBS aired its documentary special "Chihuly Over Venice." 
2004 U.S. First Lady Laura Bush officially reopened 
 Pennsylvania Avenue in front of the White House to 
 pedestrians.
2014  smiled.


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Fake virus alerts 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, November 8

Thank you, Frank!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Minnesota woman who beat her boss with a metal plate,
claimed she had to, because he was discriminating and
picking on her just because of her being late again.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1997 Chinese engineers diverted the Yangtze River to make 
 way for the Three Gorges Dam. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Irrigation of the land with seawater desalinated by fusion power is ancient. It's called 'rain'. --- Michael McClary Feel the fear and do it anyway. --- Susan Jeffers It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time. --- Tallulah Bankhead (1903 - 1968) ______________________________________________________ Judy came home from her first day commuting into the city. Her husband noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?" "Not really," she replied. "I'm nauseous from sitting backward on the train." "Poor dear," he said. "Why didn't you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?" "I couldn't," she replied, "there was no one there." ______________________________________________________ I was helping a friend of mine with his roadside farm stand when a man stopped by and asked how much the eggs were. "Sixty cents for the small, seventy cents for the medium, ninety cents for the large and thirty cents for the cracked ones," I answered. "All right," he said, "crack me a dozen of the large ones." ______________________________________________________ A waitress became violently ill while at work and was rushed by ambulance to the emergency room. In typical hospital fashion, she was placed on an examining table and then all but ignored for the next half-hour. Finally, she noticed a doctor out in the hall and yelled, "Please help me!" "Sorry," he replied, "it's not my table." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dawn for this picture Click through for the large picture ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to

Waasohn Senite Dorliae, 25, Mendota Heights, Minnesota Attacked Boss Over Worries She Might Be Fired When a woman in Mendota Heights, Minnesota, was reprimanded by her boss for being late, she allegedly reacted by hitting him five times with a metal plate. As a result, she has not only lost her job, but now faces felony assault charges. The alleged incident happened Oct. 30, when the woman, identified as Waasohn Senite Dorliae was angry after her boss scolded her. The victim told the accused that she would most likely not have a job the next day. At that point, Dorliae allegedly picked up a large piece of metal and struck her boss in the face and head at least five times. As a result, the victim suffered multiple cuts on his face, chin, and back of the head. When Dorliae's boss fell to the ground in pain, she walked away, only to turn around and strike him with the metal piece one last time in the knee, according to the complaint. Dorliae admitted hitting her boss, but said she needed to be violent toward him because he was "discriminating," and "nit-picking" on her, CBS Minnesota reports. Dorliae, 25, has been charged with a felony count of second-degree assault. If convicted, she faces a maximum seven years in prison and/or $14,000 fine, but will probably get off a lot easier. Plus she got fired. That most likely means zero UI money.
Tech Support Pits From: Sandra Re: Virus coming Dear Webby! Is this real? VIRUS COMING! I received this from a friend so I’m passing it on to you VIRUS COMING! I received this from a friend so I’m passing it on to you Hi All, I checked with Norton Anti-Virus, and they are gearing up for this virus! I checked Snopes, and it is for real. Get this E-mail message sent around to your contacts ASAP. PLEASE FORWARD THIS WARNING AMONG FRIENDS, FAMILY AND CONTACTS! ... Sandra Dear Sandra That is an ancient hoax, that has been coming around since the days when you were still jail bait and your mom thought you were a good girl. Norton does not "gear up" for any virus. When virus definitions come around from McAfee or Kasperski, they simply add them to their automatic updates. They don't inform certain yahoos about that. It's just daily routine for them. All you have to remember is that real postcards mention the name and email address of the sender, not an anonymous class mate or no-name family member, and real postcards don't have any attachments or anything to download. Real postcards just give you the pick-up number and pick-up URL, and it will be a reputable postcard site, like for example http://actioncat.com or http://angeleyes1.com, etc. Anybody who sends you stupoid fake virus alerts is not only a moron, but apparently considers you a gullible moron. Dump their moron bait, and remember who it was, that assumed you were a gullibhle moron. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
For the second time in six weeks a man had fallen off his horse and broken some ribs. Coincidentally, the doctor in the emergency room at the hospital was the same both times. Since there isn't much that can be done for broken ribs, he prescribed a pain killer and sent the man on his way. As the man turned to leave, he jokingly asked, "Is there anything you can recommend for my horse?" The doctor paused and thought for a moment, then said, "If it were me, I'd get a different rider."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bamboo Rod With Coffee Mugs Save yourself several cup hooks. Instead of one hook for each cup, use two to hold a slender rod. I used a disassembled bamboo placemat, cost:$1, and it has been used before for similar needs. Slip your cups onto the rod and set it onto the cup hooks. I saved one hook on one side of the cabinet and two on the side with four cups! The cups can still be used with very little effort of carefully lifting an end of the rod off one of the hooks and taking the cup(s) off. My espresso cups are seldom used and take up valuable cabinet space so in hanging them for display they are no longer in the way! By melody_yesterday from Otterville, MO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ A sad Bassett Hound was relating his troubles to his friend. "I'm really depressed all the time and I think negative thoughts. I'm always bored, I feel listless and I am always tired." "Why not go see a psychiatrist?" suggested the friend. "Well, I would," said the Bassett Hound, "except that I'm not allowed on the couch. ______________________________________________________ At the airport check-in counter, I overheard a woman ask for window seats for both herself and her husband. The clerk pointed out that this would prevent them from sitting together. "Sweetie," the woman replied, "I've just spent 10 days of quality time in a compact rental car with this man. I *know* what I'm requesting!"


The Eulogy of the Pillsbury Doughboy

Today in 
1793 The Louvre Museum, in Paris, opened to the public for 
 the first time. 
1805 The "Corps of Discovery" reached the Pacific Ocean. The 
 expedition was lead by William Clark and Meriwether Lewis. 
 The journey had begun on May 14, 1804, with the goal of 
 exploring the Louisiana Purchase territory. 
1887 Doc Holliday died at the age of 35. The gun fighting 
 dentist died from tuberculosis in a sanitarium in Glenwood 
 Springs, CO. 
1895 Wilhelm Roentgen while experimenting with electricity 
 discovered the scientific principle involved and took the 
 first X-ray pictures. 
1910 William H. Frost patented the insect exterminator. 
1923 Adolf Hitler made his first attempt at seizing power 
 in Germany with a failed coup in Munich that came to be 
 known as the "Beer-Hall Putsch." 
1933 The Civil Works Administration was created by executive 
 order by U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The organization 
 was designed to create jobs for more than 4 million unemployed 
 people in the U.S. 
1942 The U.S. invaded Morocco and Algeria. 
1942 During World War II, Operation Torch began as U.S. and 
 British forces landed in French North Africa. 
1950 During the Korean conflict, the first jet-plane battle 
 took place as U.S. Air Force Lt. Russell J. Brown shot down 
 a North Korean MiG-15. 
1956 After turning down 18,000 names, the Ford Motor Company 
 decided to name their new car the "Edsel," after Henry Ford's 
 only son. 
1966 Ronald Reagan was elected governor of California. 
1980 Scientists at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in California 
 announced that they had discovered a 15th moon orbiting the 
 planet Saturn. 
1981 Egyptian President Hosni Mubarek asserted that Egypt was 
 "an African State" that was "neither East nor West". 
1986 Vyacheslav M. Molotov died at age 96. During World War II, 
 Molotov ordered the mass production of bottles filled with 
 flammable liquid later called the "Molotov cocktail." 
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered more troop 
 deployments in the Persian Gulf, adding about 150,000 
 soldiers to the multi-national force fighting against Iraq. 
1991 The European Community and Canada imposed economic 
 sanctions on Yugoslavia in an attempt to stop the Balkan 
 civil war. 
1992 About 350,000 people rallied in Berlin against racist 
 violence. 
1997 Chinese engineers diverted the Yangtze River to make 
 way for the Three Gorges Dam. 
2000 In Florida, a statewide recount began to decide the 
 winner of the 2000 U.S. presidential election. 
2000 Waco special counsel John C. Danforth released his 
 final report that absolved the government of wrongdoing in 
 the 1993 siege of the Branch Davidian compound in Texas. 
2014  smiled.


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W7 Log-off sound 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, November 7
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Floriduh man arrested for 
shooting neighbor over dog poop
Detailacs at Boneheads

Today, in 
1837 In Alton, IL, abolitionist printer Elijah P. Lovejoy was 
 shot to death by a mob (supporters of slavery) while trying 
 to protect his printing shop from a third destruction. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Charm is the quality in others that makes us more satisfied with ourselves. --- Henri-Frédéric Amiel ______________________________________________________ The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is for recorders to operate at all times in courts of law. * Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?" * Witness: "I only have one, you know." * Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?" * Witness: "By death." * Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?" * Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?" The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail. * Lawyer: "What is your birth day?" * Witness: "July 15th." * Lawyer: "What year?" * Witness: "Every year." * Lawyer: "Can you tell us what was stolen from your house?" * Witness: "There was a rifle that belonged to my father that was stolen from the hall closet." * Lawyer: "Can you identify the rifle?" * Witness: "Yes. There was something written on the side of it." * Lawyer: "And what did the writing say?" * Witness: "'Winchester'!" * Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?" * Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks." * Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?" * Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask." * Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?" * Witness: "Er...his face." * Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?" * Witness: "Yes." * Lawyer: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?" * Witness: "I forget." * Lawyer: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?" * Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?" * Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which." * Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?" * Witness: "Forty-five years." * Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?" * Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'" * Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?" * Witness: "My name is Susan." * Lawyer: "Sir, what is your IQ?" * Witness: "Well, I can see pretty well, I think." * Lawyer: "Did you blow your horn or anything?" * Witness: "After the accident?" * Lawyer: "Before the accident." * Witness: "Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it." * Lawyer: "Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?" * Witness: "Yes." * Lawyer: "Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?" * Witness: "Yes, sir." * Lawyer: "What did she say?" * Witness: "'What disco am I at?'" * Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?" * Witness: "No." * Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?" * Witness: "No." * Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?" * Witness: "No." * Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?" * Witness: "No." * Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?" * Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar." * Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?" * Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere." * Lawyer: "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?" * Lawyer: "And you check your radar unit frequently?" * Officer: "Yes, I do." * Lawyer: "And was your radar unit functioning correctly at the time you had the plaintiff on radar?" * Officer: "Yes, it was malfunctioning correctly." * Lawyer: "What happened then?" * Witness: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'" * Lawyer: "Did he kill you?" * Witness: "No." * Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--" * Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment." * Lawyer: "You were there until the time you left, is that true?" * Lawyer: "So you were gone until you returned?" * Lawyer: "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?" * Lawyer: "Were you alone or by yourself?" * Lawyer: "How long have you been a French Canadian?" * Witness: "He was about medium height and had a beard." * Lawyer: "Was this a male or a female?" * Lawyer: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?" * Witness: "I went to Europe, sir." * Lawyer: "And you took your new wife?" * Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture." * Witness: "That's me." * Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?" * Lawyer: "Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?" * Lawyer: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? * Witness: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________________________ Five Jewish men who influenced the history of Western civilization. Moses said the law is everything. Jesus said love is everything. Marx said capital is everything. Freud said sex is everything. Einstein said everything is relative. ______________________________________________________ A city slicker was driving too fast when he came over a hill and encountered a flock of chickens in the middle of the country road. He slammed on the brakes and scattered the flock, but ran over the rooster. Wanting to do the right thing, he stopped at the farmhouse to report what had happened. When the old farmer came to the door, the motorist confessed, "I just ran over your rooster, but I'm willing to replace him". "Fine", said the farmer. "Let me hear you crow". ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dawn for this picture Click through for the large picture Arkansas. Do you see the two people in the picture? ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to

Joshame Sewell, Floriduh man arrested for shooting neighbor over dog poop A man in Tampa, Florida, is behind bars and accused of shooting his neighbor because of an argument over dog poop. Police said that on October 24 Joshame Sewell, 20, argued with his neighbor, Donte Roberson, 30 because Robertson's dog defecated in Sewell's yard. Sewell was so enraged that he allegedly grabbed a rifle and shot the dog's owner several times in the leg and once in the right hand, MyFoxTampaBay reports. Then Sewell fled the scene. He managed to elude capture until Sunday afternoon, when he was arrested in Belle Glade, Florida, nearly 200 miles away, ABC Action News reports. As of Monday, Sewell was being held at the Palm Beach County Jail, awaiting extradition to Hillsborough County, according to the Tampa Tribune. Roberson is recovering at the Tampa General Hospital.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Bill Re: Change Log-Off sound in Windows 7 Dear Webby! That really works! I do appreciate the effort you put in to find this solution for me. I have been trying for weeks but came up with nothing. Now..... if I could find a similar solution for the "logoff" sound, I would be ecstatic. Thanks again. Bill Dear Bill Some say you should be able to do it through the Control Panel, but that method does not work with my version of W7. I am still searching for a method, that will work with all versions of W7. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A woman and her five year old daughter were in a checkout line at a grocery store, when the young one became upset about something. She announced, "As soon as we get home I'm going to run away." Well, of course the best thing for the mother to do was to let her child come to her own realization that it wouldn't work, so she asked her, "Why wait until you get home. Why don't you just run away from here?" The child was ready with an answer, "Because I don't know my way to grandma's house from here."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Crust Cover from Metal Pie Plate With the holidays coming and after wasting countless strips of aluminum foil just to cover my pie crusts when baking, I tried cutting up an old aluminum pie pan to place over my pie crusts while baking. It worked! Use craft scissors and cut cleanly so you leave no sharp edges. I would suggest you wear work gloves and possibly use needle nose pliers to bend down and crimp closed the cut ends after cutting the circle out of the bottom just to guarantee no cuts! I intend to reuse these again and again. By Dee [160] http://www.thriftyfun.com/ ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ Once there was a man who prided himself on having all of the latest gadgets for his car. One day a young man pulled up alongside his car in an old, beat up VW and waved a sheet of fax paper, yelling, "Look what I've got!" Not to be outdone, the man had a fax installed in his car that very afternoon. The next time he saw the VW, it was parked and the windows seemed to be steamed up. The man rapped on a window and when the young man appeared, waved a sheet of fax paper at him and said, "I've got one too." The young man gave him a disdainful look and said, "You got me out of the shower just to tell me that?" ______________________________________________________ It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the campus intercom: "The students who have parked their cars on the right side of Circle drive need to move their cars off Circle drive to facititate snow plowing." Half an hour later: "The 2700 students who left to move seventeen cars may return to classes now." They did not hear the second announcement in the pub across the street.


Heavy snow looks like this

Today in 
1637 Anne Hutchinson, the first female religious leader in 
 the American colonies, was banished from the Massachusetts 
 Bay Colony for heresy. 
1811 The Shawnee Indians of chief Tecumseh were defeated 
 by William Henry Harrison at the Battle of Wabash (or Tippecanoe). 
1837 In Alton, IL, abolitionist printer Elijah P. Lovejoy was 
 shot to death by a mob (supporters of slavery) while trying 
 to protect his printing shop from a third destruction. 
1874 The Republican party of the U.S. was first symbolized 
 as an elephant in a cartoon by Thomas Nast in Harper's Weekly. 
1876 The cigarette manufacturing machine was patented by 
 Albert H. Hook. 
1893 The state of Colorado granted its women the right to vote. 
1895 The last spike was driven into Canada's first 
 transcontinental railway in the mountains of British Columbia. 
1917 Russia's Bolshevik Revolution took place. The provisional 
 government of Alexander Kerensky was overthrown by forces led 
 by Vladimir Ilyich Lenin. 
1918 During World War I, a false report through the United Press 
 announced that an armistice had been signed. 
1933 Voters in Pennsylvania eliminated sports from Pennsylvanian 
 "Blue Laws." 
1940 The middle section of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in Washington 
 state collapsed during a windstorm. The suspension bridge had 
 opened to traffic on July 1, 1940. 
1944 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first 
 person to win a fourth term as president. 
1965 The "Pillsbury Dough Boy" debuted in television commercials. 
1967 Carl Stokes was elected the first black mayor Cleveland, OH, 
 becoming the first black mayor of a major city. 
1967 The U.S. Selective Service Commission announced that college 
 students arrested in anti-war demonstrations would lose their 
 draft deferments. 
1973 The U.S. Congress over-rode President Nixon's veto of the 
 War Powers Act, which limits a chief executive's power to wage 
 war without congressional approval. 
1985 The Colombian army stormed the country's Palace of Justice. 
 The siege claimed the lives of 100 people, including 11 Supreme 
 Court Justices. The Palace had been seized by leftist guerrillas 
 belonging to the April 19 Movement. 
1987 Tunisia's president Habib Bourguiba was overthrown. He had 
 been president since the country's independence in 1956. 
1988 Sugar Ray Leonard knocked out Donnie LaLonde. 
1989 L. Douglas Wilder won the governor's race in Virginia, 
 becoming the first elected African-American state governor 
 in U.S. history. 
1989 David Dinkins was elected and become New York City's 
 first African-American mayor. 
1991 Magic Johnson (NBA) announced that he had tested 
 positive for the virus that causes AIDS, and that he was 
 retiring from basketball. 
1991 Pro- and anti-Communists rallies took place in Moscow 
 on the 74th anniversary of the Bolshevik Revolution. 
1995 In a Japanese courtroom, three U.S. military men admitted 
 to the rape of a 12-year-old Okinawan schoolgirl. 
2000 Hillary Rodham Clinton made history as the first president's 
 wife to win public office. The state of New York elected her to 
 the U.S. Senate. (New York) 
2001 The new .BIZ domain extension was officially launched. 
2001 After a 16-month stoppage the Concorde resumed flying.
2014  smiled.


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How to change the Windows 7 start-up sound 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, November 6

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's Bonehead Award goes to a California woman, who became the dumbest dope ever Details at Boneheads Today, in 1894 William C. Hooker received a patent for the mousetrap. More of what happened on this day in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Slap a mask on a drunk and you're going to have trouble. It's like having a live reenactment of anonymous forum comments. --- Randy K. Milholland When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other. --- Eric Hoffer
A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. When a clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?" he answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish." Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin."
Approaching the counter at a local post office, said to the stern-faced woman on the other side, "Are you the Postmistress?" "No!" she replied testily. "I'm the Postmaster. Uncle Sam doesn't pay me enough to be anyone's mistress."
A young woman was driving the speed limit in freeway traffic. Car after car passed her, so she speeded up. Still car after car passed her. Suddenly, in the rear view mirror, she saw the flashing lights of a police cruiser behind her. She pulled over and rolled down her window. The patrol officer walked up and asked her, "Do you know why I stopped you?" The young woman replied, "Yes. I was the only slow enough for you to catch!" "No, you got a burned out tail light."
Thanks to Dad for this picture Click through for the large picture Oetztal, Tirol
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to

Sylvia Mahiah, 33, in a California jail now California woman, who became the dumbest dope ever A California woman who had 27 pounds of methamphetamine hidden in her car successfully got through a Customs checkpoint last night, but then mistakenly drove her vehicle into a lot reserved for suspect vehicles to be examined by federal agents. During the ensuing search of Sylvia Mashiah’s car, which had not been ordered, investigators found 17 packages of meth concealed in the 2006 Ford Focus’s rear quarter panels. The 33-year-old Mashiah, was alone in her car when she approached the Otay Mesa Port of Entry at 7:45 PM Monday. The border crossing is one of three that connects San Diego with Tijuana, Mexico. As reported in a probable cause statement, Mashiah, a Los Angeles resident, was cleared for entry into the U.S. after a “primary” inspection. However, she “drove the vehicle to the secondary lot where Customs and Border Protection Officers inspected the vehicle.” She probably was planning to park there and wait for her accomplice to walk across without any dope on her or him. A “secondary” inspection involves a more thorough questioning of the driver, a closer inspection of the vehicle, and a canine review of the auto. The “secondary” inspection is usually ordered due to the suspicions of the agent who first contacted the driver (as well as any passengers). After tearing apart Mashiah’s Ford, agents found 12.45 kilos of methamphetamine. As a result, she was arrested on a felony drug importation count, carrying a MINIMUM five-year prison term.

Tech Support Pits
From: Bill Re: Change start-up sound in Windows 7 Dear Webby! In XP I had great, IMHO, logon and logoff sounds. I am unable to reproduce them in W7. I right-click on the desktop and select "personalize"/"sounds" as the option. Scrolling down to "Logoff" then "Logon", I browse to the desired sounds and click "Apply". The sound screen window changes from "windows default" to "windows default (modified)". When I reboot, I still get the barely audible windows sounds. I know that this is not a huge problem, but I would love to be able to "personalize" my computer sounds. Thanks. Bill Dear Bill Due to an embarrassing screw-up that method only works in the Pakistani version of Windows, but not in the English versions, and the Europeans are not happy either. If you feel comfortable hacking the imagers.dll, which I do not recommend, then you could do it by following some complicated instructions. But sometimes that does not work. Luckily some good people got fed up with that situation and created a program to do all that for you. You need to have your new start-up sound ready in .wav format, not MP3 or MP4 and just renamed to WAV, but actually converted to WAV. Then download the Startup-Sound Changer, and follow the very simple instructions. PLAY REPLACE RESTORE EXIT That's all folks! No, I do not know why Microsoft has to be such a pain in the nuisance with even very simple stuff like the start-up sound. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy Wood Locally I heat with wood. At first, I was getting it delivered to my home, which is 12 miles from town on a mountain, was expensive. This winter, I queried neighbors and found 2 guys on my mountain that are much cheaper. When possible buy local, is the tip here. By Shirley from Tallassee, TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.

An older friend, recently returned from her home town in North Carolina, says they've spruced up the churchyard cemetery since her last visit several years back. "Lots of new greenery," she said. "And families are together now." "Together?" I asked, puzzled. "Well, years ago they never much worried where they buried someone because everyone was a neighbor anyhow. They'd just dig a grave wherever it seemed to balance things. But they've redone it so people are with their children and grandchildren, instead of scattered all over." "You mean they exhumed all those people and re-buried them?" "Oh no," she said. "They just moved the headstones. Everyone agrees it looks ever so much nicer."
A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil. As he passed sulphurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as a politician snuggling up to a beautiful woman. "That's unfair!" he cried. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that crook gets to spend it with a beautiful woman." "Shut up", barked the devil, jabbing the man with his pitchfork. "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"


The World of Minature Flowers
Today in 
1789 Father John Carroll was appointed as the first Roman 
 Catholic bishop in the United States of America. 
1860 Abraham Lincoln was elected to be the sixteenth 
 president of the United States. 
1861 Jefferson Davis was elected as the president of the 
 Confederacy in the U.S. 
1894 William C. Hooker received a patent for the mousetrap. 
1913 Mohandas K. Gandhi was arrested as he led a march of 
 Indian miners in South Africa. 
1917 During World War I, Candian forces take the village of 
 Passchendaele, Belgium, in the Third Battle of Ypres. 
1923 Jacob Schick was granted a patent for the electric shaver. 
1952 The first hydrogen bomb was exploded at Eniwetok Atoll 
 in the Pacific Ocean. 
1962 The U.N. General Assembly adopts a resolution that 
 condemned South Africa's racist apartheid policies. The 
 resolution also called for all member states to terminate 
 military and economic relations with South Africa. 
1965 The Freedom Flights program began which would allow 
 250,000 Cubans to come to the United States by 1971. 
1967 Phil Donahue began a TV talk show in Dayton, OH. The 
 show was on the air for 29 years. 
1975 King Hassan II of Morocco launches the Green March, a 
 mass migration of 300,000 unarmed Moroccans, that march 
 into the nation of Western Sahara. 
1977 39 people were killed when an earthen dam burst, sending 
 a wall of water through the campus of Toccoa Falls Bible 
 College in Georgia. 
1983 U.S. Army choppers dropped hundreds of leaflets over 
 northern and central Grenada. The leaflets urged residents 
 to cooperate in locating any Grenadian army or Cuban 
 resisters to the U.S led invasion. 
1985 Leftist guerrillas belonging to Columbia's April 19 
 Movement seized control of the Palace of Justice in Bogota. 
1986 Former Navy radioman John A. Walker Jr., was sentenced 
 in Baltimore to life imprisonment. Walker had admitted to 
 being the head of a family spy ring. 
1986 U.S. intelligence sources confirmed a story run by the 
 Lebanese magazine Ash Shiraa that reported the U.S. had been 
 secretly selling arms to Iran in an effort to secure the 
 release of seven American hostages. 
1989 In the hopes of freeing U.S. hostages held in Iran, the 
 U.S. announced that it would unfreeze $567 million in Iranian 
 assets that had been held since 1979. 
1995 Mark Messier scored his 500th NHL goal. 
1998 The Islamic militant group Hamas exploded a car bomb 
 killing the two attackers and injuring 21 civilians. 
1999 Australian voters rejected a referendum to drop Britain's 
 queen as their head of state. 
2001 In Madrid, Spain, a car bomb injured about 60 people. The 
 bomb was blamed on Basque separatists. 
2001 Disney's "Mickey's Magical Christmas Snowed In at the 
 House Of Mouse" was released on video and DVD. 
2014  smiled.


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When IE can not display pages 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, November 5

Election is over. No surprises.
Barely worth it to crank up Thanksgiving ads now.
Christmas commercials will start any day now.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Massachusets rapist sent to jail without bail after he cut off his GPS bracelet. Details at Boneheads Today, in 1963 Archaeologists found the remains of a Viking settlement at L'Anse aux Meadows, Newfoundland. Hagar's great-grandfather was there centuries before Columbus found the Caribbean islands.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The only sure thing about luck is that it will change. --- Bret Harte (1836 - 1902)
My niece's class assignment was to interview a senior citizen about his or her life, so she asked me, "What was the biggest historical event that happened during your childhood?" "I'd have to say the moonwalk," I replied. She looked disappointed. "That dance was so important to you?" I asked her if she knew where the moon is, or if kids nowadays are totally clueless.
The 104-year-old building that had served as the priory and primary student residence of the small Catholic university where I work was about to be demolished. As the wrecker's ball began to strike, I sensed the anxiety and sadness experienced by one of the older monks whose order had founded the college. "This must be difficult to watch, Father," I said. "The tradition associated with that building, the memories of all the students and monks who lived and worked there. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you." "It's worse than that," the monk replied. "I think I left my PalmPilot in there."
Below, are examples of sixth grade research projects. Enjoy! 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. the climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. 2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada. 3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven porcupines. 4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people and without em we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth. 5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. His wife killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline. 6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java. 7. Julius Caesar extinquished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out Tee hee, Brutus. 8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.
Thanks to Dawn for this picture Click through for the large picture Sedona
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD Gregory Lewis, 26, Massachusets No Bail For Rape Suspect Accused Of Cutting Off GPS Monitoring Bracelet Gregory Lewis, an alleged serial rapist arrested last week in Fort Edward after a nationwide manhunt, was arraigned Monday in Worcester, Mass., Superior Court. Lewis was returned Friday to Worcester from Washington County to face charges in the case that began his nationwide crime spree, a Sept. 15 attack on his stepfather in Southbridge, Mass., during which he allegedly took the man's Jeep and fled the state. Lewis had been charged with the Aug. 6 alleged rape and assault of a 13-year-old girl in Southbridge and had an ankle bracelet put on him as a condition of his bail, authorities said, After assaulting his family Sept. 15 and taking the vehicle, Lewis cut off the anklet and tossed it onto the front lawn of the rape victim's home and began his alleged multi-state crime spree. Lewis, 26, of Southbridge was arraigned Monday on 17 felony counts before Judge James R. Lemire. Lewis pleaded not guilty to two counts of rape of a child aggravated by age difference, two counts of indecent assault and battery on a child, indecent exposure and receiving stolen property in the Aug. 6 incident. In a second indictment opened Monday, dealing with the Sept. 15 incident, Lewis faces charges of aggravated kidnapping, armed robbery and assault and battery on an elderly person as well as larceny, weapons and intimidation charges, according to Tim Connolly, spokesman for the office of Worcester District Attorney Joseph Early Jr. Lewis was sent to jail without bail. Another hearing on bail, called a dangerousness hearing in Massachusetts, is scheduled for Nov. 10, Connolly said. Following that hearing, if the judge determines Lewis to be a danger to the community, he will be returned to jail without bail for 90 days, at which time the process would be repeated, Connolly said. Lewis is suspected of committing rapes and other crimes in several states over the six-week period he was on the run. Charges also have been drawn up against Lewis in Denver, Colo., according to Lynn Kimbrough, spokeswoman for the Denver District Attorney. In that city, Lewis was indicted on charges attempted murder, sexual assault, assault and aggravated robbery charges. Lewis allegedly made arrangements to meet a woman in Denver, then attacked and sexually assaulted her and robbed her at gunpoint, Kimbrough said. Lewis was arrested in Fort Edward late Oct. 28 after he crashed a Jeep into the Hudson River while trying to elude police. He pointed a gun at a man who went to his aid and was tracked down by a sheriff's deputy and his dog, Fort Edward police said. During the next six weeks, police said, Lewis drove around the country, robbing and raping female escorts in Colorado, Oregon, North Carolina and other states. Tech Support Pits From: JoAnn Re: IE can't display pages Dear Webby! I found that there are a lot of people having the same problem as me and you are my first place to ask for some help. I went to the to pay my bill as usual and found this message and no matter what I tried, and later my son tried to no avail to fix this problem. Robocop is my mail way of going to my websites to pay my bills by the way. Has worked for Many years. So many that I do not think that my 80 yr. old brain can redo the info I have there. That will be another story pretty soon. Internet Explorer cannot display the webpage Anyway, not all sites were not available. Mainly the major sites like American Express, Discover,Visa etc. My Chase acct. worked fine but my other two banks didn't. I sounded like some kind of security thing but we just were not able to get around things to correct this. I used Mozilla to get my bills paid. I do not know how to go about changing things with the Robocop so that it would use the Mozilla automatically. Have you run into this hit and miss site problem recently? This started with me some last month but not until November have I had this happen as described above with my bank and other accounts. I thank you for your attention to my problem. Take care of your eyes!! The rest of you too come to think of it. Yours, JoAnn Dear JoAnn You are the second subscriber reporting this same problem this morning. Since you can get in there with FireFox, just make FireFox your default browser. Or Chrome. I have dumped Internet Exploder years ago, for that and a few other reasons, and have not missed it even once. Go to one of those banks with FireFox, or Chrome if you prefer. Click on FILE, SAVE, and save the page to an easy to find spot on your hard drive. It's OK to jog all the way up to C:\ Right-click START, Windows File Explorer look for that saved file Right-click it Choose Default Program (at the bottom of the choices) There you see all the browsers, that you have installed. Choose FireFox or Chrome That's all there is to it. From now on the computer will use your chosen browser for that type of file. Keep in mind, banks sometimes use shtm or other file name extensions, not just .htm, and you might have to do the same, once, for all the different types of file names they use. You can also go after that preference through the control panel, but that is a bit more confusing. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest's much-loved roses. "Not bad," said the priest. "But they suffer from a disease peculiar to this area known as the black death." "What on earth is that?" asked the passerby, anxious to increase his garden knowledge. "Nuns with scissors."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy Halloween Candy After Halloween I asked my husband last night, what is the best time to buy Halloween candy, and he said the day after Halloween. I had to laugh because that is "All Saints Day." By Carol L. from South Bend, IN http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

The latest telephone poll taken by the Texas Governor's office, asked whether people who live in Texas think illegal immigration is a serious problem: 29% of respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem." 71% of respondents answered: "No es una problema seriosa"
A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with a pet dog he doted on. The dog finally died and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, the dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?" Father Patrick replied, "No, we cannot have services for an animal in the church, but there's a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they'll do something for the animal." Muldoon said "I'll go right now. Do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?" Father Patrick asked, "Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?"


Great pictures of food




Today in 
1605 The "Gunpowder Plot" attempted by Guy Fawkes failed 
 when he was captured before he could blow up the English 
 Parliament.
1844 In California, a grizzly bear underwent a successful 
 cataract operation at the Zoological Garden. 
1872 In the U.S., Susan B. Anthony was fined $100 for 
 attempting to vote in the presidential election. She never 
 paid the fine. 
1895 George B. Selden received the first U.S. patent for 
 an automobile. He sold the rights for $200,000 four years 
 later. 
1911 Italy officially annexed Tripoli. 
1935 The game "Monopoly" was introduced by Parker Brothers
1940 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt won an unprecedented 
 third term in office. 
1946 John F. Kennedy was elected to the U.S. House of 
 Representatives at the age of 29. 
1955 The Vienna State Opera House in Austria formally re-opened. 
1956 British and French forces began landing in Egypt during 
 the Suez Canal Crisis. A cease-fire was declared 2 days later. 
1963 Archaeologists found the remains of a Viking settlement 
 at L'Anse aux Meadows, Newfoundland. 
1986 The White House reaffirmed the U.S. ban on the sale of 
 weapons to Iran. 
1987 In South Africa, Goban Mbeki was released after serving 
 24 years in the Robben Island prison. He had been sentenced 
 to life for treason. 
1998 Scientists published a genetic study that showed strong 
 evidence that Thomas Jefferson fathered at least one child 
 (Eston Hemings) of his slave, Sally Hemings.
1990 Rabbi Meir Kahane, founder of the Kach movement, was shot 
 to death after a speech at a New York Hotel. His assassin, 
 Egyptian El Sayyid, was later convicted of the murder and 
 was sentenced to life in prison for his part in the World 
 Trade Center bombing. 
1992 Malice Green, a black motorist, was beaten to death in 
 Detroit during a struggle with police. Two officers were 
 later convicted in his death and sentenced to prison. 
1994 Former U.S. President Reagan announced that he had 
 Alzheimer's disease. 
1994 George Foreman, 45, became boxing's oldest heavyweight 
 champion when he knocked out Michael Moorer in the 10th 
 round of their WBA fight in Las Vegas, NV. 
1998 The U.N. announced that the Taliban militia had killed 
 up to 5,000 civilians in a takeover of an Afghani town. 
1999 U.S. District Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ruled that 
 Microsoft Corp. enjoyed "monopoly power". 
2001 It was announced that European aircraft manufacturer 
 Airbus and Dubai-based Emirates airlines set up a joint 
 venture specializing in airline services. 
2009 At Fort Hood, near Kileen, TX, Nidal Malik Hasan killed 
 13 people and wounded 30 others.
2014  smiled.


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How to zoom fonts 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, November 4

If you are in the US, get out and vote!
If you are in Illinois, vote early and vote often!
If you are in Florida, vote and try again a few times.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's Bonehead Award goes to a man in Florida arrested wearing 'Go Directly to Jail' t-shirt Details at Boneheads Today, in 1979 Iranian militants seized the U.S. embassy in Tehran and took 63 Americans hostage (90 total hostages). The militants, mostly students, demanded that the U.S. send the former shah back to Iran to stand trial. Many hostages were later released, but 52 were held for the next 14 months.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. --- Rita Mae Brown Against logic there is no armor like ignorance. --- Laurence J. Peter "According to a new study, polar bears will probably be ex- tinct by the year 2050. So enjoy eating them while you can." --- Dave Letterman
Benjamin is in the midst of a long dry spell in Las Vegas. Eventually he gambles away all his money and has to borrow a quarter from another gambler just to use the men's room. He finds a stall that happens to be open and pockets the quarter. Believing that his luck has finally changed, he puts the quarter in a slot machine and hits the jackpot. He takes his winnings and goes to the blackjack table and turns his modest winnings into a million dollars. Wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, Benjamin goes on the lecture circuit, where he tells his incredible story. He tells his audiences that he will always be eternally grateful to his benefactor, and if he ever finds the man, he will share his fortune with him. After months of speaking, a man in the audience jumps up and says, "I'm that man. I was the one who gave you the quarter." "Yes, I ! remember you well, but you aren't the one I'm looking for. I am looking for the guy who left the stall door open!"
The young suitor was determined to win the heart of the woman he wanted to marry, in spite of her rejection of his proposal. He began what can only be called a "Campaign" and sent her a token of his affection every day for a month to her house. The plan was successful too -- the young lady fell in love with the UPS man.
On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the under- ground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them. "What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?" I joked. "It would go out," he replied very matter-of-factly. "Really?" I asked, surprised to hear that. "Is there a lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?" "No," my co-worker continued. "The force from the explosion would blow out the match."
Thanks to Dawn for this picture Click through for the large picture Oak Mountain State Park Alabama
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD Micah Dailey, 20, of Cape Coral, Floriduh Man arrested wearing 'Go Directly to Jail' t-shirt A man from Florida was arrested while wearing a Monopoly- themed t-shirt with the words 'Go Directly to Jail' printed across it. Micah Dailey was dressed accordingly for his mugshot after being nabbed for possession of marijuana of no more than 20 grams and possession of drug paraphernalia, according to the Lee County Sheriff's Department. Unfortunately for the suspect, he didn't have a get-out-of-jail-free card in his back pocket and was instead forced to post $6,500 bail. "It had an element of humor to it," Sgt. Scott Lineberger told The New York Daily News, which first reported the story. Tech Support Pits From: Ruth Re: Zooming fonts Dear Webby! You write about zoomable fonts as if everbody knew how to zoom them. Maybe you explained that at one time, but that must have been before I subscribed. Can you please tell us again? Ruth Dear Ruth On most browsers like Chrome or FireFox, you just hold down CTRL and turn the scroll wheel on the mouse. On Internet Explorer you hold down CTRL and hit the + or the - on the keyboard. CTRL and + and - work on Chrome and FireFox too, but are rather klutzy compared to just using CTRL and the scroll wheel. CTRL plus Scroll Wheel zooms pictures too, not just fonts. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two fathers-to-be met in the maternity waiting room. "Can you believe this? The first day of our vacation, and she goes into labor!" The second one looks at the first and says, "What do you have to complain about? This is our honeymoon!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy Halloween Candy After Halloween I asked my husband last night, what is the best time to buy Halloween candy, and he said the day after Halloween. I had to laugh because that is "All Saints Day." By Carol L. from South Bend, IN http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Two youngsters were walking home from Sunday School, each deep in his own thoughts. Finally one said, "What do you think about all this devil business we studied today?" The other boy replied thoughtfully, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. This is probably just your Dad, too."
One of my first duties as an Air Force officer was to set up a field medical-training program at our hospital. I conducted a class in triage -- sorting out battlefield casualties according to the likelihood of survival. We had applied theatrical makeup to several airmen to simulate different wounds. Pointing to one of the "casualties," I said to the group, "This man has severe brain damage. What would you do with him?" A reply from the back of the class: "Make him an officer!"


Ribbons




Today in 
1846 A patent for an artificial leg to Benjamin Palmer.
1847 Scottish obstetrician James Young Simpson discovered 
 the anethestic qualities of chloroform. 
1880 James and John Ritty patented the first cash register. 
1922 In Egypt, Howard Carter discovered the entry of the 
 lost tomb of Pharaoh Tutankhamen. 
1939 During World War II, the U.S. modified its neutrality 
 stance with the Neutrality Act of 1939. The new policy 
 allowed cash-and-carry purchases of arms by belligerents. 
1939 At the 40th National Automobile Show the first 
 air-conditioned car was put on display. 
1942 During World War II, Axis forces retreated from El 
 Alamein in North Africa. It was a major victory for the 
 British.
1952 In the United States, the National Security Agency 
 (NSA) was established. 
1956 Soviet forces enter Hungary in order to suppress the 
 uprising that had begun on October 23, 1956. 
1965 Lee Ann Roberts Breedlove became the first woman to 
 exceed 300 mph when she went 308.5 mph. 
1979 Iranian militants seized the U.S. embassy in Tehran 
 and took 63 Americans hostage (90 total hostages). The 
 militants, mostly students, demanded that the U.S. send 
 the former shah back to Iran to stand trial. Many hostages 
 were later released, but 52 were held for the next 14 months. 
1981 The second scheduled flight of the space shuttle Columbia 
 was canceled with only 31 seconds left in the countdown. 
1984 Nicaragua held its first free elections in 56 years. 
1989 About a million East Germans filled the streets of East 
 Berlin in a pro-democracy rally. 
1990 Iraq issued a statement saying it was prepared to fight 
 a "dangerous war" rather than give up Kuwait. 
1991 Ronald Reagan opened his presidential library in Simi 
 Valley, CA. The dedication ceremony was attended by President 
 Bush and former U.S. presidents Jimmy Carter, Gerald R. Ford 
 and Richard M. Nixon. It was the 1st gathering of 5 U.S. 
 chief executives. 
1995 Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin, 73 years old, was 
 assassinated by right-wing Israeli Yigal Amir after attending 
 a peace rally. 
1999 The United Nations imposed economic sanctions against the 
 Taliban that controlled most of Afghanistan. The sanctions 
 were imposed because the Taliban had refused to turn over 
 Osama bin Laden, who had been charged with masterminding the 
 1998 bombings of the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania. 
2001 Hurrican Michelle hit Cuba destroying crops and thousands 
 of homes. The United States made the gesture of sending 
 humanitarian aid. On December 16, 2001, Cuba received the 
 first commercial food shipment from the U.S. in nearly 40 years. 
2014  smiled.


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Zoomable Fonts 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, November 3

Thank you, Dennis!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Alabama Subway Robber, who claimed failed 'Jared Diet' as excuse Details at Boneheads Today, in 1957 Sputnik II was launched by the Soviet Union. It was the second manmade satellite to be put into orbit and was the first to put an animal into space, a dog named Laika.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home. --- Bill Cosby (1937 - )
During taxi, the crew of a US Airways departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate lady who had the ground controller's spot at that moment screamed, "US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right on 'Charlie' taxiway; you turned right on 'Delta.' Stop right there! I know it's difficult to tell the difference between C's & D's, but get it right!" Continuing her lashing to the embarrassed crew, "You've screwed everything up; it'll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don't move until I tell you to! Then, I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" The humbled crew responded, "Yes, Ma'am." The ground control frequency went terribly silent; no one wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at La Guardia was running high. Then an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked, "Wasn't I almost married to you once?"
Official sign near door: Door Alarmed. Handprinted sign nearby: Window frightened.
A man walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Vince." "Who?" "Vince Sabio. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Vince every single time." "There are always a few clouds over everybody." "Not Vince. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star." "He was something, huh?" "He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out." "No wonder you remember him." "Well, I never actually met Vince." "Then how do you know so much about him?" "I married his widow."
Thanks to Dawn for this picture Click through for the large picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD Zachary Torrance, 18, Hueytown, Alabama Alabama Subway Robber, who claimed failed 'Jared Diet' as excuse A man accused of robbing four Alabama Subway sandwich shops allegedly confessed he wanted revenge as a disgruntled customer. He was mad that the "Jared Diet" didn't work for him and wanted his money back, according to police. Zachary Torrance, 18, was arrested Thursday night and charged with first-degree robbery for a robbery the previous day at the Hueytown Subway. Torrance allegedly entered the store around 8:42 p.m. and demanded the cashier open the register, according to a post on the Hueytown Police Department's Facebook page. Surveillance video shows a man later identified as Torrance taking money from the register and fleeing the store. Torrance was arrested after a citizen saw the robbery footage and recognized the suspect from shopping at the Hueytown Walmart. Hueytown police tracked down Torrance, who was wearing the same clothes and shoes as the robbery suspect, Alabamas13.com reports. Hueytown Police Chief Chuck Hagler said Torrance admitted to the Hueytown holdup, and gave a bizarre motive. "I don't know if he was kidding or not, but he said he had tried the Jared diet and it hadn't worked for him so he wanted his money back,'' Hagler told Al.com. The "Jared Diet" Torrance allegedly mentioned is a weight-loss plan created by Jared Fogle, who, in 1998 and 1999, went from 425 pounds to 180 pounds with a daily diet that focused on two low-fat sandwiches purchased at Subway. He famously appeared in commercials for Subway touting his physical transformation. Torrance is currently in the Jefferson County Jail on $250,000. Torrance is suspected of robbing three other Subways in Birmingham, Midfield and Adamsville, and will be charged for those robberies at a later date. Tech Support Pits From: Jay Re: Zoomable fonts Dear Webby! I know you have used zoomable fonts for ages, but my webmaster insists that is not necessary if a computer is set up right. Well, my computer is set up the way I like it, and I can hardly read the pages on my company site. How do you make your fonts so that they can be zoomed? What do you suggest. Jay Dear Jay Using a word Processor and saving a WORD document as a web page is not the same as creating it with HTML. The same goes for kids using FrontPage. Basic stuff looks OK with it, but it's not quite up to standard and will bite you sooner or later. I would recommend that you get somebody who will do your site properly, instead of implying that your computer is not set up right. That page you sent me to is useless. When I see something that is too small to read comfortably, and that can't be zoomed to a decent size, I'm out of there and on my way to a competitor. I have a hunch most people browse that way. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
This is a real oldie, from the days when Windows came on a stack of floppy disks. An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong. Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer." Training stresses that we are "not the Software Police," so I let the little act of piracy slide. Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?" Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns out they weren't initialized." Tech Support: "Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am?" Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it?'" Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?" Customer: "After they were initialized, all the disks appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work, and I can't read them in the A: drive; the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com George Forman Grill to Make Bear Paws I have little counter space so everything on it has to be a useful appliance! I regularly make grilled cheese or grilled vegetables on an open George Forman grill or zucchini fritters on it. This weekend, I decided to try to make waffles! I just used my Bisquick for the batter and poured a small circle onto the upper portion of the heated grill and let it run down the grill a bit. Don't add too much! I did close it and turned the waffles after the top was slightly browned in some areas. They turned out looking like Bear Paws to me so that's what I now call them! You could name them Pet Paws or Monster Claws. By Dee [157] http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Out in space two alien forms are speaking with each other. The first spaceman says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based weapons." The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?" The first spaceman says, "I don't think so...They have them aimed at themselves."
A nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient. "I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today." the caller said. "Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked. "No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."


7 Wonders to Modern World




Today in 
1507 Leonardo DaVinci was commissioned by the husband of 
 Lisa Gherardini to paint her. The work is known as the 
 Mona Lisa. 
1631 The Reverend John Eliot arrived in the Massachusetts 
 Bay Colony. He was the first Protestant minister to 
 dedicate himself to the conversion of Native Americans 
 to Christianity. 
1839 The first Opium War between China and Britain erupted.
 China did not want Opium Trade, Britain demanded it, and won.
1892 The first automatic telephone went into service at 
 LaPorte, IN. The device was invented by Almon Strowger. 
1903 Panama proclaimed its independence from Columbia. 
1911 Chevrolet Motor Car Company was founded by Louis 
 Chevrolet and William C. Durant. 
1941 U.S. Ambassador to Japan John Grew warned that the 
 Japanese may be planning a sudden attack on the U.S. 
1957 Sputnik II was launched by the Soviet Union. It was 
 the second manmade satellite to be put into orbit and 
 was the first to put an animal into space, a dog named 
 Laika. 
1973 The U.S. launched the Mariner 10 spacecraft. 
 On March 29, 1974 it became the first spacecraft to reach 
 the planet Mercury. 
1979 Five members of the Communist Workers' Party are shot 
 to death in broad daylight at an anti-Ku Klux Klan rally 
 in Greensboro, NC. Eight others were wounded. 
1986 The Ash-Shiraa, pro-Syrian Lebanese magazine, first 
 broke the story of U.S. arms sales to Iran to secure the 
 release of seven American hostages. The story turned 
 into the Iran-Contra affair. 
1987 China told the U.S. that it would halt the sale of 
 arms to Iran. 
1991 Israeli and Palestinian representatives held their 
 first-ever face-to-face talks in Madrid, Spain. 
1994 Susan Smith of Union, SC, was arrested for drowning 
 her two sons. Nine days earlier Smith had claimed that 
 the children had been abducted by a black carjacker. 
1995 U.S. President Clinton dedicated a memorial at Arlington 
 National Cemetery to the 270 victims of the bombing of 
 Pan Am Flight 103. 
1998 A state-run newspaper in Iraq urged the country to prepare 
 to battle "the U.S. monster." 
1998 Minnesota elected Jesse "The Body" Ventura, a former pro 
 wrestler, as its governor. 
2003 In Kabul, Afghanistan, a post-Taliban draft constitution 
 was unveiled.
2014  smiled.


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Tame the icon chaos 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, November 2

Thank you, Jim!

Fall back an hour. We are on winter time now,
same as Europe.
Except Saskatchewan and parts of Arizona.
As far as I am concerned, we could happily stay on summer 
time. I am really not looking forward to all the snow 
shoveling. Last night during my walk, it snowed. 

Dad told me on Skype yesterday, that some of the ski slopes 
there are opening, and the resorts are clamoring for 
waitresses and chambermaids. Usually those people don't
show up until the last week of December, so now there is
major panic. Gullible warming is definitely over. 
Many of the lifts and cablecars and chair lifts are running,
but the thousands of hotels and pensions are still dark.
I guess they will just have to hire their staff for November
for the next 25 0 30 years until the next Gullible Warming
part of the cycles.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Texas woman tried to force fellatio on victim Details at Boneheads Today, in 1947 Howard Hughes flew his "Spruce Goose," a huge wooden airplane, for eight minutes in California. It was the plane's first and only flight.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Discretion is not the better part of biography. --- Lytton Strachey (1880 - 1932) Let everyone sweep in front of his own door and the whole world will be clean. --- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
"You're in incredible shape," the doctor said. "How old are you again?" "I am 78." The man said. "78?" asked the doctor. "How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old." "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down." the man explained. "What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor. "I've pretty much lived an outdoor life."
Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where tests were performed to determine the source of the pain. My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone. I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral home now?" With a scornful look, the nurse turned to me and snapped, "Honey, he's not THAT sick!"
A marketing survey specialist is asking Dan, a southern college kid, some questions about different products he uses. MSS - Which shaving cream do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Which aftershave do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Which deodorant do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Which toothpaste do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Okay, tell me, what is this 'Baba'? Is it an international company? Dan - Heck no. He's my room-mate.
Thanks to Dawn for this picture Click through for the large picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD Megan Hoelting, 31, Williamson County, Texas Texas woman tried to force fellatio on victim A Texas woman walked into the home of a male friend of her husband’s and sexually assaulted the man while he was sleeping, police allege. According to court records, Megan Davis Hoelting, 31, entered the victim’s Williamson County residence Monday night through an unlocked gate. Once inside the property, Hoelting, who was wearing a nightgown, went into the man’s bedroom, where he was sleeping. A felony criminal complaint charges that Hoelting fondled the man’s genitals and attempted to “perform fellatio upon him.” The man told a Williamson County Sheriff’s Office deputy that he “awoke to the feeling of an unknown party on top of him,” adding that he “felt the offender placed his penis in her mouth.” Aided by a flashlight application on his cell phone, the victim recognized Hoelting, whose breasts were exposed, as “his friend’s wife.” He directed her to leave the residence, but when Hoelting refused to leave, he dialed 911. During subsequent questioning, Hoelting reportedly admitted getting into the victim’s bed, where she “kissed him and wrapped her legs around his waist.” Hoelting added that she was wearing a nightgown when she entered the home, but removed the garment and was “wearing only panties when she got into the bed”, with the victim’s knowledge. Hoelting, seen in the above mug shot, was arrested on a felony charge of burglarizing a home with the intent of committing a sexual assault. She was booked Monday night into the county lockup, where she remains in custody. Jail records show that Hoelting has been arrested three other times this month. On October 14 she was busted for theft. Two days later she was jailed for assault, and on October 21 she was collared for public intoxication. Tech Support Pits From: Earline Re: Icon Chaos Dear Webby I got total icon chaos on my desktop and quite frequently can't find an icon, that I need. Windows seems to dump the occasional one now and then, when I am not looking, and other times moves them around. Yeah, I know, changing the resolution totally trashes the desktop, but even when I don't, some icons always disappear. Whqat is the Master's trick to get that under control? Earline Dear Earline You could make desktop folders and drag icons into them, but they are usually a nuisance, becasue you can't see what is in them, and icons in them seem to disappear too. On Linux you have "shelves" for different categories of icons. You can arrange your icons similarly. First, to reduce the disappearance of icons, move them all away from the edge. Those are the most endangered ones. Next get or paint a bookshelf, and enlarge the picture to the number of pixels of resolution you got set. Label each shelf with a category or topic, for example Tools, Music, Movies, Recipes, Receipts, Orders, etc. Make that picture the desktop wallpaper. Now move all icons onto the shelves, where they belong. You can't reduce the shelves to an icon like in Linux, but at least you will have the chaos under control. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. I asked one nurse what the pin signified. "Nothing," she said with a smile. "It's just to keep the doctors away."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com String Cheese Witch Brooms In an effort to offer multiple healthy treats at my daughter's Halloween party, we set up a station to make string cheese witch brooms. We set out a bowl of stick pretzels, a plate of string cheese (pre-cut), and plastic knives for them to cut the broom bristles. These are easy enough for even younger kids to make. :) By lalala... [513] http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: "Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'" One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she wash, iron, and cook?"
Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry, son. Your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy." The next night, it's father's turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and mother is saying "Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies." A few days later, the stork's parents are desperate: their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he's been all night. The baby stork says, "Nowhere. Just scaring the crap out of college students!"


7 Wonders to Modern World




Today in 
1721 Peter the Great (Peter I), ruler of Russia, changed 
 his title to emperor. 
1867 "Harpers Bazaar" magazine was founded. 
1883 Thomas Edison got a patent for an electrical indicator 
 using the Edison effect lamp (U.S. Pat. 307,031). 
1895 In Chicago, IL, the first American gasoline powered car 
 contest
1917 British Foreign Secretary Arthur Balfour expressed 
 support for a "national home" for the Jews of Palestine. 
1920 The first commercial radio station in the U.S., 
 KDKA of Pittsburgh, PA, began regular broadcasting. 
1930 Haile Selassie was crowned emperor of Ethiopia. 
1930 The DuPont Company announced the first synthetic 
 rubber. It was named DuPrene. 
1947 Howard Hughes flew his "Spruce Goose," a huge wooden 
 airplane, for eight minutes in California. It was the 
 plane's first and only flight. The "Spruce Goose," 
 nicknamed because of the white-gray color of the spruce 
 used to build it, never went into production. 
1960 In London, the novel "Lady Chatterly's Lover," was 
 found not guilty of obscenity. 
1963 South Vietnamese President Ngo Dihn Diem was 
 assassinated in a military coup. 
1966 The Cuban Adjustment Act allows 123,000 Cubans to 
 apply for permanent residence in the U.S. 
1979 Joanna Chesimard, a black militant escaped from a New 
 Jersey prison, where she'd been serving a life sentence for 
 the 1973 murder of a New Jersey state trooper. 
1983 U.S. President Ronald Reagan signed a bill establishing 
 a federal holiday on the third Monday of January in honor of 
 civil rights leader Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. 
1984 Velma Barfield became the first woman to be executed in 
 the U.S. since 1962. She had been convicted of the poisoning 
 death of her boyfriend. 
1985 The South African government imposed severe restrictions 
 on television, radio and newspaper coverage of unrest by both 
 local and foreign journalists. 
1989 Carmen Fasanella retired after 68 years and 243 days of 
 taxicab service in Princeton, NJ. 
1992 Magic Johnson retired from the NBA again, this time for 
 good because of fear due to his HIV infection. 
1993 The U.S. Senate called for full disclosure of Senator Bob 
 Packwood's diaries in a sexual harassment probe. 
2001 The computer-animated movie "Monsters, Inc." opened. 
 The film recorded the best debut ever for an animated film 
 and the 6th best of all time. 
2003 In the U.S., the Episcopal Church diocese consecrated the 
 church's first openly gay bishop.
2014  smiled.


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What does SMTP stand for? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, November 1

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's Bonehead Award goes to a NM burglar, who forgot to flush Details at Boneheads Today, in 1979 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini urged all Iranians to demonstrate on November 4 and to expand their attacks against the U.S. and Israel. On November 4, Iranian militants seized the U.S. embassy in Tehran and took 63 Americans hostage.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate; now what's going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House? --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) "We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home." ---- Gene Perret
The father of a teenage daughter was concerned with the amount of time she spent on the telephone; not so much for the time she wasted (he had given up on that long ago), but because nobody else could use the phone. So, as a happy solution, he had a telephone installed for her with her own private number and directory listing. Two or three days after her telephone had been installed, he came home to find her stretched out on the floor with her feet on the living room couch and chatting away on the family telephone. Her own telephone was resting silently on her dresser. "Why are you using our telephone," he yelled. "Why aren't you talking on your own telephone?" "I can't," she said, "I'm expecting an important call on my phone."
Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of prunes at the grocery store!" "Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store. A clerk answers and Tom says, "Can I please talk to the Vice President of prunes?" The clerk replied, "Dried or canned?"
A college senior took his new girlfriend to the Super Bowl. The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and were watching the action. A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his girlfriend, "Take a good look at that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year." His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, "That's the strangest way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl. Regardless of how you said it, I accept!"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture Click through for the large picture Our sun
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD Ramon Herrera Burglar nabbed using DNA after he forgot to flush A New Mexico burglar who broke into a vacationing family's home has been nabbed with the help of DNA he left behind after downing a can of Coke and then using the toilet and failing to flush. Ramon Herrera, 33, is accused of stealing $250,000 from a home in Albuquerque in September. Police combed the scene and found a can of Coca-Cola with a note that read 'Sorry.' By then the thief had fled the scene, but cops found what was left of his soda. According to the Albuquerque Journal, the homeowners found their sliding back door smashed when they arrived home. The homeowners also discovered footprints leading out to a field and a sweatshirt stashed behind a wall near the house. Police swabbed the can of Coke and also a flashlight that had been left behind. Lucky for them, investigators didn't need to swab the sullied toilet. '(The detective) failed to collect any samples from the used toilet,' says a court filing. What they did collect, authorities say led them to Ramon. He was booked on charges of residential burglary and larceny over $20,000. Herrera has since pleaded not guilty. Considering that his DNA and fingerprints were on file, he is apparently not new at this. Tech Support Pits From: Dianne Re: What does SMTP stand for So what does SMTP stand for… its an abbreciation of some kind, rite???? Dianne Dear Dianne It stands for Simple Mail Transport Protocol and goes back to about 20 years before Windows. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000." The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon. "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making Your Jack-O-Lanterns 3-D When carving that face into your pumpkin this year, why not give it a 3-D effect. Use the pieces that you remove to create a tongue, ears, or even a ponytail. Simply attach the 3-d pieces with a toothpick. Be creative and have fun! By lalala... [502] http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility. One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't looked after it?" After a moment, her youngest son replied quizzically, "Once?"
The pastor's sermon focused on how God know's which of us grows best in the sunlight and which of us needs shade. "For example," he said, "roses must be planted in the sun, but fuchsias thrive in the shade." After the service, a woman, her face beaming, approached him. "Your sermon did me so much good," she said. Before he had time to gloat too much, however, she added, "I always wondered what was wrong with my fuchsias."


Spiral Staicases




Today in 
1512 Michelangelo's paintings on the ceiling of the Sistine 
 Chapel were first exhibited to the public. They were not 
 prudified until the 1980s and 1990s.
1604 "Othello," the tragedy by William Shakespeare, was 
 first presented at Whitehall Palace in London. 
1611 "The Tempest," Shakespeare's romantic comedy, was first 
 presented at Whitehall Palace in London. 
1755 At least 60,000 people were killed in Lisbon, Portugal 
 by an earthquake, its aftershocks and the ensuing tsunami. 
1765 The British Parliament enacted The Stamp Act in the 
 American colonies. The act was repealed in March of 1766 
 on the same day that the Parliament passed the Declaratory 
 Acts which asserted that the British government had free 
 and total legislative power of the colonies. 
1800 U.S. President John Adams became the first president 
 to live in the White House when he moved in. 
1848 The first medical school for women, founded by Samuel 
 Gregory, opened in Boston, MA. 
1856 The first photography magazine, Daguerreian Journal, 
 was published in New York City, NY. 
1864 The U.S. Post Office started selling money orders. 
 The money orders provided a safe way to payments by mail. 
1870 The U.S. Weather Bureau made its first meteorological 
 observations using 24 locations that provided reports via 
 telegraph. 
1879 Thomas Edison executed his first patent application 
 for a high-resistance carbon filament (U.S. Pat. 223,898). 
1894 Russian Emperor Alexander III died. 
1911 Italy used planes to drop bombs on the Tanguira oasis 
 in Libya. It was the first aerial bombing. 
1936 Benito Mussolini made a speech in Milan, Italy, in 
 which he described the alliance between Italy and Nazi 
 Germany as an "axis" running between Berlin and Rome. 
1940 "A Night in the Tropics" was released. It was the 
 first movie for Abbott and Costello. 
1949 In Washington, 55 people were killed when a fighter 
 plane hit an airliner. 
1950 Two Puerto Rican nationalists tried to assassinate 
 U.S. President Harry Truman. One of the men was killed 
 when they tried to force their way into Blair House in 
 Washington, DC. 
1952 The United States exploded the first hydrogen bomb 
 on Eniwetok Atoll in the Marshall Islands. 
1954 Algeria began to rebel against French rule. 
1963 The USSR launched Polyot I. It was the first satellite 
 capable of maneuvering in all directions and able to 
 change its orbit. 
1979 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini urged all Iranians to 
 demonstrate on November 4 and to expand their attacks 
 against the U.S. and Israel. On November 4, Iranian 
 militants seized the U.S. embassy in Tehran and took 
 63 Americans hostage. 
1985 In the village of Ignacio Aldama, 22 members of a 
 Mexican anti-narcotics squad were killed by alleged drug 
 traffickers. 
1989 Tens of thousands of refugees fled to the West when 
 East Germany reopened its border with Czechoslovakia. 
1989 Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega announced the end 
 of a cease-fire with the Contra rebels. 
1998 Nicaraguan Vice President Enrique Bolanos announced 
 that between 1,000 and 1,500 people were buried in a 
 32-square mile area below the slopes of the Casita volcano 
 in northern Nicaragua by a mudslide caused by Hurricane Mitch. 
1998 Iridium inaugurated the first handheld, global satellite 
 phone and paging system.
2014  smiled.


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What is an SMTP? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, October 31
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Tennessee dope, who claimed to be Washington Denzel, when he was arrested Details at Boneheads Today, in 1981 Antigua and Barbuda became independent of Great Britain.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
There's always somebody who is paid too much, and taxed too little - and it's always somebody else. --- Cullen Hightower
>From Nanarina Med school entrance exam When I was young my intent was to go to an American medical school, but I was confused by the entrance exam. One of the questions was, "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell an important part of the human body that is more useful when erect." Those who spelled SPINE became doctors. The rest ended up in Congress.
>From Sarah Your joke about the wrong side of the confessional reminded me of this: In the Jewish faith we have the custom of Tashlich, where people take crumbs and throw them into a river or other body of water to symbolize throwing away one's sins and starting the new year fresh. However, times have changed... Taking a few crumbs to Tashlich from whatever old bread is in the house lacks subtlety, nuance and religious sensitivity. Instead, consider these options this year for Rosh Hashanah: For ordinary sins, use White Bread For exotic sins, French Bread For particularly dark sins, Pumpernickel For complex sins, Multi-grain For twisted sins, Pretzels For tasteless sins, Rice Cakes For sins of indecision, Waffles For sins committed in haste, Matzah For sins of chutzpah, Bread that's fresh For substance abuse, Poppy Seed For committing arson, Toast For committing auto theft, Caraway For being ill tempered, Sourdough For silliness, Nut Bread For jingoism,Yankee Doodles For excessive use of irony, Rye Bread For telling bad jokes, Corn Bread For hardening our hearts, Jelly doughnuts For war-mongering, Kaiser Rolls For immodest dressing, Tarts For causing injury or damage to others, Tortes For promiscuity, Hot Buns For being holier than thou, Bagels For unfairly upbraiding another, Challah For trashing the environment, Dumplings For sins of laziness, Any Very Long Loaf For lying, Baked Goods with Nutrasweet and Olestra For the sins of the righteous, Angel Food Cake For selling your soul, Devils Food Cake For lust in your heart, Wonder Bread For inhaling, Stoned Wheat Remember, you don't have to show your crumbs to anyone.
A hillbilly dragged his protesting son to a new school which had just opened in a nearby village . When they arrived, he took his son to see the teacher. "Howdy," said the hillbilly. "This here's my son, Arthur. Now what kind of learnin' are you teachin'?" "Oh, all the usual subjects," said the teacher, nodding at the boy. "Reading, writing, arithmetic." "What's this ?" interrupted the father. "Arith....arith... what did you say?" "'Arithmetic, Sir," said the teacher, "instruction in geometry, algebra and trigonometry." "Trigonometry!" cried the delighted hillbilly. "That's what my boy needs. He's the worst darn shot in the family."
Click through for the large picture Mighty hunter
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD Catherine Butler, Tennessee dopey claims to be Denzel Washington during arrest A Tennessee man being arrested on charges of illegal marijuana possession told police he was Academy Award- winning actor Denzel Washington. Officers told 21-year-old Justin Lee Seay of Memphis he wasn't fooling anyone — and quickly found that he had violated his probation on a separate case. The Daily News Journal reported that police arrested Seay on Monday night after responding to a complaint of noise at his apartment. While being arrested, police say, Seay declared he was Washington. His real identity surfaced after police booked him. Officers say they found several bags of marijuana inside the apartment. Seay is being held in the Rutherford County Jail. Tech Support Pits From: Elsa Re: What IS an SMTP Dear Webby You are throwing fancy terms around without explaining what they are. What IS an SMTP ? Elsa Dear Elsa If you use "real" email, not just web mail, then you have a POP server for IN-coming mail, and an SMTP server, that accepts your OUT-going mail. With web mail, like Gmail, you don't have those, since everything stays on the web. With traditional email you pull all the mail down into your computer, and you can read it later, even when you are not connected to the net at that time. You can also write all your mails at the beach, and then fire them out in a few seconds when you visit McDonalds. Or, you could answer and write your emails at homme, and fire them out when you get to work and can use the company's WiFi. POP email programs are usually called "Full Featured" email programs. Web mail programs are rather skimpy by comparison, because there the program sits on the cloud and you have to access the program via the net, at the same time as Millions of others also try to do that. The main function of the SMTP server is to authenticate you, and to make sure nobody sends mail out while pretending to be you. Once you are safely authenticated, you can fire out all of your emails instantly. The SMTP server puts the time and date stamp on it, your IP number and fills out the complete invisible header data. Many ISPs force their victims to use the ISP's name after the @ in the address. For example, if I was to use the SMTP of Telus, I would have to change my address to humor78934@telus.net. Since that is not good enough for me, I am using the SMTP server at Webby.com and can continue to use humor@webby.com If I didn't have Webby.com, I would go to SMTP2GO.COM, and use their SMTP server, so that I could continue to use my address. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?" Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear." Wife to husband: "What? At 2 a.m?!" Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sharpen Kitchen Knives with a Belt I learned this in my woodcarving club and it is valuable for our kitchen knives as well. You can use the "back" of a real leather belt to sharpen knives! This description is for the NON serrated blades only (the straight edged ones) although it could be used on a serrated blade as well if you keep your knife pinned flat down on the belt. No need to wet the belt nor knife. Just lie the belt on a flat surface. Lie the knife FLAT down with your fingers BEHIND the blade and pull AWAY from the sharp part of the blade!! AWAY FROM THE SHARP side!!!!!!! That's important! You will dull the knife the other way. Doing this will rub off any burrs or bumpy edges of the blade, resharpening it. Flip the knife to the other side then pull it AWAY from the blade side in that direction to finish it up. Don't use your finger to test the sharpness!!!! If you must test, woodcarvers will LIGHTLY touch their finger nail on the blade. You can tell if it's sharp by the feel of the knife on your nail. Note: Don't try to rub the knife back and forth like an olden day barber in the movies! That can cause the knife edge to create a ROLL of metal on the edge of the knife blade, dulling it. By Dee [156] http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

One day a bachelor who was a poor tipper walked into his favorite restaurant and ordered lunch. A new waitress served his meal and received a three cent tip. When he came in the next day, she thanked him for his "generosity" and she said she could tell the character of a diner by the way he tipped. "Well, what could you tell about me?" he asked. "You put three pennies in a neat row," said the waitress, "and that shows you are a very tidy person. The first penny tells me you are a frugal, and the second tells me that you are a bachelor." "That's true," he agreed. "But what does the third penny tell you?" "The third penny tells me your Father was a bachelor, too."
CONGRESS EMBRACES INTERNET TECHNOLOGY IN CAMPAIGN FINANCE REFORM Priceline.com's stock soared and Ebay created an entire new section on their online auction site to accommodate the US Congress' overhaul of campaign financial law. Nancy Pelosi, in a speech from Capitol Hill, praised fellow politician's choice to "name your own price" for Congressional influence. "This is significant legislation that will turn around a stagnant economy by pouring millions into politicians' pockets." In the new law, private citizens will be able to log onto Priceline.com and "name their own price" to influence a member of the House. Citizens wishing to purchase a Senator still need to log on to Ebay, but need to be aware that Senators don't stay bought.


Height Difference




Today in 
1517 Martin Luther posted the 95 Theses on the door of the 
 Wittenberg Palace Church. The event marked the start of the 
 Protestant Reformation in Germany. 
1914 The Ottoman Empire (Turkey) joined the Central Powers 
 (Germany, Austria-Hungary, and Bulgaria). 
1922 Benito Mussolini became prime minister of Italy. 
1926 Magician Harry Houdini died of gangrene and peritonitis 
 resulting from a ruptured appendix. His appendix had been 
 damaged twelve days earlier when he had been punched in the 
 stomach by a student unexpectedly. During a lecture Houdini 
 had commented on the strength of his stomach muscles and 
 their ability to withstand hard blows. 
1940 The British air victory in the Battle of Britain 
 prevented Germany from invading Britain. 
1941 Mount Rushmore was declared complete after 14 years of 
 work. At the time the 60-foot busts of U.S. Presidents George 
 Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt and Abraham 
 Lincoln were finished. 
1941 The U.S. Navy destroyer Reuben James was torpedoed by a 
 German submarine near Iceland. The U.S. had not yet entered 
 World War II. More than 100 men were killed.
1952 The U.S. detonated its first hydrogen bomb. 
1954 The Algerian National Liberation Front (FLN) began a 
 revolt against French rule. 
1955 Britain's Princess Margaret announced she would not marry 
 Royal Air Force Captain Peter Townsend. 
1956 Rear Admiral G.J. Dufek became the first person to land 
 an airplane at the South Pole. Dufek also became the first 
 person to set foot on the South Pole. 
1959 Lee Harvey Oswald, a former U.S. Marine from Fort Worth, 
 TX, announced that he would never return to the U.S. At the 
 time he was in Moscow, Russia. 
1968 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson ordered a halt to all 
 U.S. bombing of North Vietnam. 
1969 Wal-Mart Discount City stores were incorporated as 
 Wal-Mart Stores, Inc. 
1981 Antigua and Barbuda became independent of Great Britain. 
1983 The U.S. Defense Department acknowledged that during the 
 U.S. led invasion of Grenada, that a U.S. Navy plane had 
 mistakenly bombed a civilian hospital. 
1984 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was assassinated 
 near her residence by two Sikh security guards. Her son, 
 Rajiv, was sworn in as prime minister. 
1992 In Liberia, it was announced that five American nuns 
 had been killed near Monrovia. Rebels loyal to Charles 
 Taylor were blamed for the murders. 
1994 68 people were killed when an American Eagle ATR-72
  plunged into a northern Indiana farm. 
1997 Louise Woodward, British au pair, was sentenced to 
 life in prison after being convicted of second-degree murder 
 in the death of 8-month-old Matthew Eappen. She was released 
 after her sentence was reduced to manslaughter. 
1998 Iraq announced that it was halting all dealings with 
 U.N. arms inspectors. The inspectors were investigating the 
 country's weapons of mass destruction stemming from Iraq's 
 invasion of Kuwait in 1990. 
1999 EgyptAir Flight 990 crashed off the coast of Nantucket, 
 MA, killing all 217 people aboard. 
1999 Leaders from the Roman Catholic Church and the Lutheran 
 Church signed the Joint Declaration on the Doctrine of 
 Justification. The event ended a centuries-old doctrinal 
 dispute over the nature of faith and salvation. 
2001 Microsoft and the U.S. Justice Department reached a 
 tentative agreement to settle the antitrust case against 
 the software company.
2014  smiled.


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Magic SMTP 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, October 30

Thank you, Roy!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's Bonehead Award goes to a NY woman arrested for DWI twice in 3 hours Details at Boneheads Today, in 1989 Mitsubishi Estate Company announced it would buy 51 percent of Rockefeller Group Inc. of New York.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them. --- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963)
Free beer for workers who finish timesheets MINNEAPOLIS (UPI) -- A Minneapolis ad agency is encouraging employees to fill out their timesheets with a machine that trades a completed sheet for a free glass of beer. The Tapserver at Minneapolis firm Colle + McVoy asks employees to scan their keycards and the system then verifies that the worker's time sheet has been completed. The worker is rewarded with their choice of beer from the machine's "multi-keg beer deployment system," which includes several different brews. "The technology used includes several Arduinos, a Node-based server, solenoids and a Raspberry Pi. The software was written to tie seamlessly with Colle + McVoy's timekeeping application," the company said. The company said timesheet completion has improved by 90 % since the machine was deployed.
>From Bill My wife-to-be and I were at the county clerk's office to get our marriage license. After recording the vital information; names, dates of birth, etc. the clerk handed me our license and deadpanned, "No refunds, no exchanges, no warranties."
We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church, and several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance. At one point, our minister had the children gather at the altar for a talk about the importance of the day. He began by asking, "Does anyone know what the bishop does?" There was silence. Finally, one little boy answered gravely, "He's the one you can move diagonally."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD Catherine Butler, NY woman arrested for DWI twice in 3 hours On Saturday morning, police in Gates, New York, arrested Catherine Butler twice in three hours for DWI. Butler, 26, was first arrested around 2 a.m. for DWI and for operating a vehicle without headlights. A friend picked her up at the police station and took her home. Less than three hours later, Butler was allegedly caught swerving on a local road and charged a second time with DWI, WHEC.com reports. Police said Butler's blood alcohol level was .11 percent the first time and .09 percent the second time. Both were above the legal limit of .08 percent, 13WHAM.com reports. Police said the second DWI marked Butler's fourth arrest for driving drunk. The other two were in 2006 and 2011. Despite the earlier arrests, police said Butler had a valid driver's license because her earlier DWI charges were reduced to impaired driving, allowing her to keep driving legally. Tech Support Pits From: Chris Re: Magic SMTP Dear Webby What is the name of the magic SMTP company, that allows you to use your own domain name for the SMTP, even if your ISP does not allow that? Chris Dear Chris It's http://smtp2go.com They have free accounts for low volume mail and paid accounts fro large companies. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Cheese To keep cheese fresh, upon arriving home from the market take out the cheese and wrap first in wax paper and use tape to make it snug. Then wrap in plastic wrap. Mark each pkg with the type and date purchased. Then freeze what you don't think you'll use somewhat quickly. This maybe a pain to do but it sure beats throwing out moldy cheese and pouring money down the drain. Also, keep your Saran Wrap in the fridge as it dramatically helps it come out smoother and is easy to "handle". By Jeffs pics [2] http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Signs warning of closed roadways are frequently ignored in rural Minnesota, so highway workers barely took notice when a woman drove past their sign and over the hill to the trench they had dug in the middle of the road. The workers explained the detour route to town, and she went on her way. They were surprised, however, to see the same woman coming toward them from town a couple of hours later. "Oh," she said distractedly as she again pulled up next to the trench crew. "Is it closed in this direction too?"
One woman was talking to her friend, "You should listen to my neighbor," she says. "She is always bad-mouthing her poor husband behind his back. I think that's so rude. Look at me! My husband is fat, lazy and cheap; but have you ever heard me say a bad word about about him?"


Norman Rockwell Museum/a>



Today in 
1817 The independent government of Venezuela was established 
 by Simon Bolivar. 
1831 Escaped slave Nat Turner was apprehended in Southampton 
 County, VA, several weeks after leading the bloodiest slave 
 uprising in American history. 
1875 The constitution of Missouri was ratified by popular vote. 
1893 The U.S. Senate gave final approval to repeal the Sherman 
 Silver Purchase Act of 1890. 
1894 The time clock was patented by Daniel M. Cooper of 
 Rochester, NY. 
1938 Orson Welles' "The War of the Worlds" aired on CBS radio. 
 The belief that the realistic radio dramatization was a live 
 news event about a Martian invasion caused panic among 
 listeners. 
1945 The U.S. government announced the end of shoe rationing. 
1953 General George C. Marshall was awarded the Nobel Peace 
 Prize. 
1961 The Soviet Union tested a hydrogen bomb with a force of 
 approximately 58 megatons. 
1961 The Soviet Party Congress unanimously approved an order 
 to remove Joseph Stalin's body from Lenin's tomb. 
1972 U.S. President Richard Nixon approved legislation to 
 increase Social Security spending by $5.3 billion. 
1972 In Illinois, 45 people were killed when two trains 
 collided on Chicago's south side. 
1975 Prince Juan Carlos assumed power in Spain as dictator 
 Francisco Franco was near death. 
1975 The New York Daily News ran the headline 
 "Ford to City: Drop Dead." The headline came a day after U.S. 
 President Gerald R. Ford said he would veto any proposed 
 federal bailout of New York City. 
1982 Portugal's constitution was revised for the first time 
 since it was ratified on April 25, 1976. 
1984 In Poland, police found the body of kidnapped pro-
 Solidarity priest Father Jerry Popieluszko. His death was 
 blamed on four security officers. 
1989 Mitsubishi Estate Company announced it would buy 51 
 percent of Rockefeller Group Inc. of New York. 
1993 Martin Fettman, America's first veterinarian in space, 
 performed the world's first animal dissections in space, 
 while aboard the space shuttle Columbia. 
1993 The United Nations deadline concerning ousted Haitian 
 President Jean-Bertrand Aristide passed with country's 
 military still in control. 
1995 Federalist prevailed over separatists in Quebec in a 
 referendum concerning secession from the federation 
 of Canada. 
1998 The terrorist who hijacked a Turkish Airlines plane 
 and the 39 people on board were killed when anti-terrorist 
 squads raided the plane. 
2001 In New York City, U.S. President George W. Bush threw 
 out the first pitch at Game 3 of the World Series between 
 the New York Yankees and the Arizona Diamondbacks. 
 Unlike Obama, Bush knew how to pitch.
2001 Michael Jordan returned to the NBA with the Washington 
 Wizards after a 3 1/2 year retirement. The Wizards lost 
 93-91 to the New York Knicks.

2014  smiled.


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Yahoo failing to deliver postcard pick-up notices 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, October 29

Thank you, Sig!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Ex-Boyfriend,. who stole woman's "Obama Phone" Details at Boneheads Today, in 1998 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off with John Glenn on board. Glenn was 77 years old. In 1962 he became the first American to orbit the Earth.
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A billion here, a billion there pretty soon it adds up to real money. --- Senator Everett Dirksen (1896-1969) "ABC News says Americans spend $300 billion every year on games of chance, and that doesn't even include weddings and elections." --- Argus Hamilton
>From Dianne I went into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one wall, there's a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates Then the priest comes in. I say to him, "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be." He replies: " Get out, you moron, you're on my side. "
An old guy went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up." "That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down...."
A priest, a pastor, and a rabbi are walking down the street on a hot day and are quite thirsty. They pass a busy bar and want to go in and get a drink but have no money. But the priest comes up with an idea that he thinks might work, so he goes in alone, telling to others that if his idea works they can all get free drinks. He orders his drink, and when he's finished with it, the bartender gives him his tab. The priest says, "But son,... I already paid for the drink!" The bartender says, "I'm terribly sorry father but it's really busy in here and I must have forgotten." The priest goes out and tells the pastor and the rabbi what happened, so the pastor goes in next. The pastor orders his drink and then informs the bartender that he already had paid when the bartender asks him for the money. Again the bartender apologizes. Finally the rabbi goes in and orders his drink. Again the bartender gives him the tab and the rabbi tells him, "Son, I paid you when I ordered the drink." "I'm terribly sorry rabbi," says the bartender, "I don't know what's wrong with me, but your the third man of the cloth that I've done this to." "I'm sorry son," says the rabbi, "but I'm in a terrible hurry. Just give me my change for the $20 I gave you, and I'll be on my way."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD Desmond Ty’Quan Gray, 22, Spartanburg, Florida Ex-Boyfriend Stole Her "Obama Phone" During Tussle A South Carolina woman told police yesterday that her former boyfriend stole her “Obama phone” during a confrontation yesterday morning, according to an incident report. Tasha Mallory, 29, said that she was on her phone when Desmond Ty’Quan Gray, 22, “entered her apartment uninvited” Monday morning and “began to ask her who she was on the phone with.” Mallory and Gray “are not dating but have one child in common,” cops noted. According to Mallory, Gray tried to grab her phone, but she held it close to her chest “so Mr. Gray could not get to it.” Gray, Mallory alleged, then pushed her to the floor, bit her shoulder, and scratched her arm. He also allegedly wrested her Obama phone away and then fled the residence in a green vehicle. “Ms. Mallory described the cell phone as an ‘Obama phone,’” (free phone provided by Welfare) according to a Spartanburg Police Department report. While talking with cops, Mallory pulled out a “second cell phone that she had” and showed text messages from Gray “stating that he did not want the relationship to end.” Police subsequently sought to locate Gray for questioning, but were unsuccessful (they planned to consult with a judge about the incident). Gray, seen in the above mug shot, has prior arrests for drug possession, shoplifting, domestic violence, attempted burglary, and peeping, according to court records. Tech Support Pits From: Beverly Re: Yahoo censoring Actioncat cards Thanks. I clicked on the link and rec'd the actioncat card. I also had a phone call from a friend that I had sent an actioncat card to who also has a yahoo email address. She didn't get it. When I do an actioncat card, if I write down the number it assigns for pickup and email that to friends, would they be able to follow a link to actioncat.com and insert the card number to view the card? Again, thanks for your suggestions. Beverly Dear Beverly Yes, if you send the pick-up number to other yahoos, then they can pick it up quite easily. It's just the emails to their victims, that Yahoo censors. As far as I know, they are not censoring web sites. Just tell your friends to get a respectable email address on the side. Protonmail and Gmail are free. They don't have to give up their Yahoo mail and groups and stuff. They simply get reliable email on the side. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A loaded minivan pulled in to the only remaining campsite. Four children leapt from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils. A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters' father, "That, sir, is some awesome display of teamwork." The father replied, "I have a system; no one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Discolored Coffee Cups I have trouble with my coffee cups and mugs becoming discolored because my husband drinks lots of coffee. All I have to do to take out the stains is to let them soak in a a sink full of water with a about 1/4 cup bleach added. Just be sure to rinse them well. Works great! By Robin http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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The following was overheard at a recent high society party... "My ancestry goes all the way back to Alexander the Great," said one lady. She then turned to a second woman and asked, "How far does your family go back?" "I don't know," was the reply. "All of our records were lost in the flood."
A Statistician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house. The Physicist says: "The measurement wasn't accurate." The Biologist concludes: "They have reproduced." The Statistician says: "Now if another person enters the house, it'll be empty again."


Multiple-Budded Fruit Trees




Today in 
1618 Sir Walter Raleigh was beheaded under a sentence that 
 had been brought against him 15 years earlier for conspiracy 
 against King James I. 
1652 The Massachusetts Bay Colony proclaimed itself to be 
 an independent commonwealth. 
1682 William Penn landed at what is now Chester, PA. He was 
 the founder of Pennsylvania. 
1901 Leon Czolgosz, the assassin of U.S. President McKinley, 
 was electrocuted. 
1923 Turkey formally became a republic after the dissolution 
 of the Ottoman Empire. The first president was Mustafa Kemal, 
 later known as Kemal Ataturk. 
1929 America's Great Depression began with the crash of the 
 Wall Street stock market. 
1940 The first peacetime military draft began in the U.S. 
1945 The first ballpoint pens to be made commercially went 
 on sale at Gimbels Department Store in New York at the 
 price of $12.50 each. 
1956 Israel invaded Egypt's Sinai Peninsula during the Suez 
 Canal Crisis. 
1959 General Mills became the first corporation to use 
 close-circuit television. 
1960 Muhammad Ali (Cassius Clay) won his first professional fight. 
1969 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered an immediate end to all 
 school segregation. 
1973 O.J. Simpson, of the Buffalo Bills, set two NFL records. 
 He carried the ball 39 times and he ran 157 yards putting him 
 over 1,000 yards at the seventh game of the season. 
1974 U.S. President Gerald Ford signed a new law forbidding 
 discrimination in credit applications on the basis of sex or 
 marital status 
1985 It was announced that Maj. Gen. Samuel K. Doe had won the 
 first multiparty election in Liberia. 
1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to hold Saddam Hussein's 
 regime liable for human rights abuses and war damages during 
 its occupation of Kuwait. 
1991 The U.S. Galileo spacecraft became the first to visit an 
 asteroid (Gaspra). 
1991 Trade sanctions were imposed on Haiti by the U.S. to 
 pressure the new leaders to restore the ousted President 
 Jean-Bertrand Aristide to power. 
1992 Depo Provera, a contraceptive, was approved by the Food 
 and Drug Administration. 
1998 South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission 
 condemned both apartheid and violence committed by the 
 African National Congress. 
1998 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off with John Glenn 
 on board. Glenn was 77 years old. In 1962 he became the first 
 American to orbit the Earth. 
1998 The oldest known copy of Archimedes' work sold for 
 $2 million at a New York auction. 
2014  smiled.


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