Task manager top menu 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, July 28

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Minnesota man shot 3 women who wouldn't sing 'Happy Birthday' Details at Boneheads Today in 1866 The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress for the standardization of weights and measures throughout the United States. However, because Seantors feared losing votes, it has not been made mandatory. Only electricians cheerfully adopted it, because it is so much easier. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Man is only miserable so far as he thinks himself so. --- Jacopo Sannazaro Man seeketh in society comfort, use and protection. --- Sir Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Here is a joke that I cleaned up and re-wrote to this version a few years ago and that came back to me now unchanged, just the way I put it: On some air bases, the military is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day, on just such a field, the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If you are a commercial airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If you are an Air Force aircraft, it is 1500 hours. If you are a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If you are an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If you are a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon. If you are in the National Guard, it's still a couple of hours until happy hour in the lounge." ______________________________________________________ This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. Thursday at 5:00 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study. ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for having used a picture, that had been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that some day somebody will demand payment, AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make off the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. Hopefully none of those have been uploaded for entrapment purposes. ______________________________________________________ An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught." ______________________________________________________ Here is a picture from subscriber Bill: Payette River NW of Boise, Idaho ______________________________________________________ The young wife was in tears when she opened the door for her husband. "I've been insulted," she sobbed. "Your mother insulted me." "My mother!" he exclaimed. "But she is a hundred miles away." "I know, but a letter marked "Private, for George only" came for you this morning and I opened it." He looked stern, "I see, but where does the insult come in?" "In the postscript," she answered. "It said: 'Dear Alice, don't forget to give this letter to George.' ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Delonte Thomas, 20, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Minnesota man shot 3 women who wouldn't sing 'Happy Birthday' A Minnesota man who shot three women at a birthday party last July after they refused to sing "Happy Birthday" to his girlfriend has been sentenced to 27 years in prison. Delonte Thomas, 20, was sentenced on Monday after being convicted of one count of attempted first-degree murder and three counts of attempted second-degree murder on June 16, according to KARE11.com. Authorities said on July 9, 2014, Thomas shot three women at a birthday party in Minneapolis after attendees sang "Happy Birthday" to the guest of honor, but not to his date, who shared the same birthday. The lack of interest in the girlfriend's birthday angered Thomas, who left the party in a huff and returned 20 minutes later with a semi-automatic handgun, according to the New York Daily News. Thomas then fired the gun, focusing on one woman who objected to his song request by shooting her nine times, the paper reports. Another woman was shot eight times, including once in the center of her chest, while a third woman was shot eight times in her legs, the Minneapolis Star-Tribune reports. All three victims survived but required surgery for their injuries, according to KSTP.com. Defense lawyers argued that Thomas should only serve 16 years behind bars, while Hennepin County attorney thought the accused should serve all the sentences consecutively, more than 40 years. The judge split the difference with the 27-year sentence, according to a release by the Hennepin County District Attorney. Thomas requested leniency at his sentencing hearing, according to the release.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Mary Re: Task Manager top menu Dear Webby, How do I get my Task Manager back to it's original form, with the multi functions available? Mary Dear Mary Use CTRL SHIFT ESC to open the task manager. It should open in default mode with the six tabs on top, unless you have W8. Have Fun! DearWebby Thanks for the quick response. Your answer didn't work (Windows7), but it did prompt me to ask the "right" question. Thanks for that inadvertent prompt, lol. Windows help and support - " Why does Task Manager look different? Where have the menus and tabs gone? Task Manager has two different views. To see the view that includes menus and tabs, double-click the border of the Task Manager window. To switch back to the view without menus and tabs, double-click anywhere in the border around the tabs." I fixed it, thanks! Mary, Dear Mary That is interesting! All these years I had never double-clicked on the frame, or needed a Task manager without a top menu. Thanks for the tip! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A group Winnebago drivers on route back to Alaska for the summer were sitting in a truck stop. To blend in with the truckers, they had to complain about something, so they were exchanging notes about their ailments. "My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup." "Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't see to pour the coffee." "I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck." "My blood pressure pills make my dizzy." "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old." "Well, it's not all bad. We should be thankful that we can still drive!" ______________________________________________________ A couple were being given a guided tour of Pico da Bandeira, one of the highest mountains in the Americas. Their guide pointed out where a young couple, petrified by lava, had been discovered. They had been surprised in the act of making love. "How awful !" exclaimed the wife. "Si, but what a great way to spend eternity." added the guide. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Five Minute Chocolate Mug Cake When you need a quick delicious dessert for one or two. Mix these ingredients in a mug, microwave 3 minutes and it's done! Approximate Time: 5 minutes Yield: one or two per mug Ingredients: 1 coffee mug 4 Tbsp plain flour 4 Tbsp sugar 2 Tbsp baking cocoa 1 egg 3 Tbsp milk 3 Tbsp oil splash of vanilla 3 Tbsp chocolate chips (optional) Steps: Add dry ingredients (flour, sugar, cocoa) into cup and mix together. Add egg and mix. Add milk, oil and vanilla and mix. If adding chocolate chips, add them at this time. Place mug in microwave and cook for 3 minutes. The cake will rise over the mug but mine never spilled over. Just watch it and don't be alarmed when it rises high. Allow the mug to cool. I ran a knife around the inside of the cup and the cake came right out or you may eat it right from the mug. The chips will be soft, hot and wet, sort of like a molten cake mix. At this point you may sprinkle powdered sugar, add a dollop of ice cream or just eat it as is. It's moist enough. Now you can have chocolate cake any time of the day in only 5 minutes. You're welcome! : ) By Donna [255] For those of us, who have outgrown the need for huge amounts of sugar, 1 1/2 teaspoons of honey will sweeten it enough. The milk does not have to be fresh milk. Powdered milk dissolved in 3 TBSP water works just fine. If you are tick and sired of vanilla, a teaspoon of instant coffee makes a nice change. Actually, so will any flavor. One time I added some almond butter from the Bulk Barn and worked it into the wet ingredients. WOW! The recipe is sturdy enough so that you can experiment all you want, and it will still turn out fine. Btw., leave it in the Microwave an extra minute or two. You can watch it rise high over the cup, open the door and watch it slowly retract to just a finger's width over the cup. You can also reverse the mixing and mix the wet ingredients first and then add the dry ingredients. Especially if you have wiped the inside of the cup with butter beforehand, cleanup is faster. No matter what you do, with this recipe you can't go wrong. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A minister who was very fond of pure, hot horseradish always kept a bottle of it on his dining room table. He offered some to a guest, who took a big spoonful. When the guest finally was able to speak, he gasped, "I've heard many ministers preach hellfire, but you are the first one I've met who passed out a sample of it." ____________________________________________________
choirboys singing Meow
____________________________________________________ "How did you lose your job at the dress shop?" a woman asked her friend. "Well, after trying on about 25 dresses, the customer said to me, 'I think I would look nicer in something flowing' . . . and I suggested the Mississippi." ____________________________________________________
Wow! These glass sculptures are amazing!

Today in 
1821 Peru declared its independence from Spain. 
1865 The American Dental Association proposed its first 
 code of ethics. 
1866 The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress 
 for the standardization of weights and measures throughout 
 the United States. However, because Seantors feared losing 
 votes, it has not been made mandatory. Only electricians
 cheerfully adopted it, because it is so much easier.
1914 World War I officially began when England used Austria-
 Hungaria's march into their Serbian protectorate, after 
 Serbia refused to hand over the assassin of the crown prince. 
1932 Federal troops forcibly dispersed the "Bonus Army" of 
 World War I veterans who had gathered in Washington, DC. 
 They were demanding money they were not scheduled to 
 receive until 1945. 
1942 L.A. Thatcher received a patent for a coin-operated 
 mailbox. The device stamped envelopes when money was inserted. 
1945 A U.S. Army bomber crashed into the 79th floor of New 
 York City's Empire State Building. 14 people were killed and 
 26 were injured. 
1965 U.S. President Johnson announced he was increasing the 
 number of American troops in South Vietnam from 75,000 to 
 125,000. 
1982 San Francisco, CA, became the first city in the U.S. to 
 ban handguns. 
1998 Bell Atlantic and GTE announced $52 billion deal that 
 created the second-largest phone company. 
1998 Serbian military forces seized the Kosovo town of 
 Malisevo. 
1998 Monica Lewinsky received blanket immunity from 
 prosecution to testify before a grand jury about her 
 relationship with U.S. President Clinton. 
2006 Researchers announced that two ancient reptiles had 
 been found off Australia. The Umoonasaurus and 
 Opallionectes were the first of their kind to be found 
 in the period soon after the Jurassic era.
2015  smiled.


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Does W10 have forced updates? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, July 27

There were quite a few comments about unsalted butter being 
healthier, because it is marked that it lasts only a
month, versus salted butter marked to last four months.
That is mostly just for getting a few gullible people
to throw out perfectly good butter and buy fresh butter.

If butter is kept in an airtight butter container in the 
fridge, it won't go bad. Salted butter uses the salt as an 
additional preservative. 

Just keep it in an airtight butter container in the fridge 
and don't worry about it. You will use it up long before it 
goes bad. 

It will go bad only if you keep it uncovered on the counter
or table. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a NJ man, who snuck into home of former girlfriend, hid under bed for 5 days. Details at Boneheads Today in 1955 The Allied occupation of Austria ended. I remember that! Rationing ended and I got my first Hot Dog. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds. --- Sir Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626) We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward. --- Dan Quayle ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man entered a stationery store and asked the clerk for a "birthday/anniversary card." The clerk replied, "We have birthday cards and we have anniversary cards. Why not take one of each?" The man said, "You don't understand. I need a card that covers both events. You see, we're celebrating the fifteenth anniversary of my wife's twenty-ninth birthday." ______________________________________________________ After listening to an impromptu campaign speech, the minister said, "Before I vote for you for sheriff, I would like to know if you partake of intoxicating beverages?" The candidate for sheriff said, "Before I answer, tell me if this is an inquiry or an invitation." ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for having used a picture, that had been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that some day somebody will demand payment, AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make off the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. Hopefully none of those have been uploaded for entrapment purposes. ______________________________________________________ A Mormon acquaintance once pushed Mark Twain into an argument on the issue of polygamy. After long and tedious expositions justifying the practice, the Mormon demanded that Twain cite any passage of scripture expressly forbidding polygamy. "Nothing easier," Twain said. "No man can serve two masters." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jason Hubbard 23, SPOTSWOOD, N.J.
NJ man snuck into home of former girlfriend, hid under bed for 5 days Police in New Jersey announced details late Tuesday of a bizarre break-in. Authorities say the suspect, Jason Hubbard, broke into the Adamcewicz home on Ellenel Boulevard in Spotswood and camped out under the bed in a spare room for as many as five days. Just before 7 p.m. on May 10, police responded to a 911 for a report of an intruder in the house. Upon arrival, officers came in contact with Hubbard in the home. Police subsequently placed him under arrest for criminal trespass. "He was hiding upstairs underneath the bed, in my daughter's bedroom," Margaret Adamcewicz said. "He used to date my daughter five years ago...It didn't end well...He didn't say why he came back. He just picked our house to hide out in. He didn't have a home to live in." The daughter had in the meantime moved away, but apparently he remembered how to sneak into the daughter's bedroom. Further investigation revealed that Hubbard entered the home through an open door when one resident was taking out the garbage. After entering the house, he proceeded into the spare bedroom, where he stayed under the bed for days. He also began charging his four cell phones utilizing an electric outlet under the bed. "I haven't heard from him in five years," Margaret said. "I wasn't scared, I was just angry." Hubbard remained living under the bed in the spare bedroom until her husband heard a noise in the bedroom. When he looked under the bed, he found Hubbard and immediately called police. The couple's 28-year-old son corralled Hubbard until officers arrived. "I don't think he was eating," Margaret said. "I think he just had water under the bed." Asked what her message would be to Hubbard, she said, "To stay away from this house and never come back." At the conclusion of the investigation, Hubbard was also charged with burglary and theft of services (electric current). He was transported to Spotswood Police Headquarters, where he was processed. He was then transported to Middlesex County Adult Corrections Center in lieu of $50,000.00 bail.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Cory Re: Forced updates in W10 Dear Webby, Is it true that Windows 10, due in two days for those who accidentally clicked that uninvited W10 button, will have forced updates of W10 and main apps? That sounds rather scary to me! Cory Dear Cory Yes, that is indeed the plan Microsoft has. If they discover a major OOOPS, and they are bound to with a new operating system, they will push out a fix immediately, whether you like it or not, and in Microsoft style, whether the fix works or not. Unless you are a 14 year old dweeb with half a dozen pens in your pocket protector, and have to brag about having the newest OS in your daddy's old machine, there is really no need to jump to W10 at this time. The included Edge browser is apparently better than IE, but not nearly as good as Chrome or FireFox. Almost all the other "cool" items to impress teens and brag about in highschool are already available as extensions and add-ons for W7 and W8.1, IF you actually need them. Which is very doubtful. There has not been much demand for them. Windows Media Center will be gone. Dead. Just a fond memory. Don’t upgrade to Windows 10 if you rely on and use Windows Media Center on a daily basis! There will be third party apps to take it's place probably within a few months, but initially they might be a bit buggy, especially trying to cope with frantic bug fixes of W10. The same goes for all other third party apps, that you use. Some of them might work OK with W10 initially, but die after one of the forced W10 updates. Some developers will simply give up and wait until W10.1 or until W10.? is stable enough, so that there won't be any more drastic changes. You might remember the W8 chaos, and the quick change to W8.1, and the overtime effort to bring out W10 as fast as possible, so that you might hopefully forget W8. W10 COULD be a great operating system, or it could continue the Microsoft tradition. We will know by the time a new president is elected in the US. Unless you absolutely need to jump to W10, don't rush. The free "update" is good for a year anyway, and if you buy a new computer from China, W10 will be already pre-installed. That is another reason for the forced updates. DELL and other sellers of Chinese computers have cloned the hard drives of many tens of thousands of machines with W10, as it was a few months ago. By now Microsoft may have found some really bad bugs, that need to be fixed immediately. For a year or so you will have to expect forced updates. Developers of third party apps are really worried about those forced updates, since they won't get any advance notice about involved changes. Personally, I am not going to rush into W10 and won't even consider it until year's end. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The owner of a manufacturing facility was complaining in a staff meeting one day, that he wasn't getting any respect. Next morning morning, he came in with a small sign that read, "I am the Boss!" and attached it to his office door. Later that day, when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that read, "Your wife called. She wants her sign back!" ______________________________________________________ A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions. "Davy, what noise does a cow make?" "It goes moo." "Alice, what noise does a cat make?" "It goes meow." "Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?" "It goes baaa." "Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?" "Errr.., it goes.. click!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Healthy Microwave Popcorn I'd been thinking about buying a popcorn machine for the longest time after I found out just how surprising unhealthy microwaveable popcorn was. It is full of chemicals and preservatives! I had no clue. All you need for some perfect fresh popcorn is some popcorn kernels, a microwaveable bowl, a microwaveable plate that fits on top of it, and, if you so desire, a pat of butter (I prefer coconut oil). Pour your kernels into your bowl. Here, I did about 1/3 of a cup. Place your plate on top. Put a pat of butter on the plate. Microwave for about 2 1/2 minutes. You'll notice you have a bowl of popcorn and a plate with melted butter. Using oven mitts, take out the bowl and plate, tip the melted butter on to the popcorn (salt if you want), and enjoy! You will probably have some unpopped kernels. Save them for the next round! By attosa [109] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A little boy was taken to the dentist. The dentist discovered that the boy had a cavity that needed to be filled. "Now, young man," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?" The little boy replied, "Chocolate, please." ____________________________________________________
Don't Send a Man for Groceries
____________________________________________________ The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jimmy interrupted. "My Mommy looked back once while she was DRIVING," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a wrong driveway and crunched a gate!" ____________________________________________________
A husband and wife team perform a funny vaudeville-style act. I thought they were hilarious!

Today in 
1214 At the Battle of Bouvines in France, Philip Augustus 
 of France defeated John of England. 
1245 Frederick II was deposed by a council at Lyons after 
 they found him guilty of sacrilege. 
1663 The British Parliament passed a second Navigation Act, 
 which required all goods bound for the colonies be sent in 
 British ships from British ports. 
1689 Government forces defeated the Scottish Jacobites at the 
 Battle of Killiecrankie. 
1777 The marquis of Lafayette arrived in New England to help 
 the rebellious American colonists fight the British. 
1866 Cyrus Field successfully completed the Atlantic Cable. 
 It was an underwater telegraph from North America to Europe. 
1909 Orville Wright set a record for the longest airplane flight. 
 He was testing the first Army airplane and kept it in the air 
 for 1 hour 12 minutes and 40 seconds. 
1914 British troops invaded the streets of Dublin, Ireland, and 
 began to disarm Irish rebels. 
1918 The Socony 200 was launched. It was the first concrete barge 
 and was used to carry oil. 
1921 Canadian biochemist Frederick Banting and associates 
 announced the discovery of the hormone insulin. 
1940 Bugs Bunny made his official debut in the Warner Bros. 
 animated cartoon "A Wild Hare." 
1944 U.S. troops completed the liberation of Guam. 
1953 The armistice agreement that ended the Korean War was 
 signed at Panmunjon, Korea. 
1955 The Allied occupation of Austria ended.
 I remember that! Rationing ended and I got my first Hot Dog.
1964 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson sent an additional 5,000 
 advisers to South Vietnam. 
1965 In the U.S., the Federal Cigarette Labeling and 
 Advertising Act was signed into law. The law required health 
 warnings on all cigarette packages. 
1967 U.S. President Johnson appointed the Kerner Commission 
 to assess the causes of the violence in the wake of urban rioting. 
1974 The U.S. Congress asked for impeachment procedures against 
 President Richard Nixon. 
1980 The deposed shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, died in a 
 hospital near Cairo, Egypt. 
1993 IBM's new chairman, Louis V. Gerstner, Jr., announced an 
 $8.9 billion plan to cut the company's costs. 
1999 The U.S. space shuttle Discovery completed a five-day mission 
commanded by Air Force Col. Eileen Collins. It was the first 
 shuttle mission to be commanded by a woman. 
2003 It was reported by the BBC (British Broadcasting Corp.) that 
 there was no monster in Loch Ness. The investigation used 600 
 separate sonar beams and satellite navigation technology to trawl 
 the loch. Reports of sightings of the "Loch Ness Monster" began 
 in the 6th century. 
2006 Intel Corp introduced its Core 2 Duo microprocessors.
2015  smiled.


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Gas at Costco 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, July 23

Today I have to go to Calgary for injections into my 
eyeballs. That means nothing,including my newsletter, 
will be sent out for Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

>From Unk Wes
One thing I only recently found out about the Costco AM 
Card is that it will give you 3% back on gas no matter 
where the gas is purchased !
Unk Wes



Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Big S.C. jackass, who struck little waitress after she asked him to stop using racial slurs Details at Boneheads Today in 1829 - William Burt patented the typographer, which was the first typewriter. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. --- National Lampoon The future will be better tomorrow. --- Dan Quayle (1947 - ) The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. --- Socrates ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man was invited for dinner at a friends house. Every time the host needed something, he precede his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "that's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." "Well, to tell you the real truth," the host whispered, " I've forgotten her name." ______________________________________________________ The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger. One of the wise men was exceptionally tall, and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. "Jesus Christ!" he exclaimed. Joseph said, "Write that down, Mary; that's a LOT better than Melvin Clyde!" ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for having used a picture, that had been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that some day somebody will demand payment, AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make of the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. Hopefully none of those have been uploaded for entrapment purposes. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dustin Lowery, 23, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Big jackass struck little waitress after she asked him to stop using racial slurs A hulking restaurant patron who told South Carolina cops that he “had been joking with an African American family and calling them racial slurs” was arrested Saturday night after allegedly assaulting a female waitress who asked him to leave the eatery due to his behavior. According to police, Dustin Lowery, 23, struck waitress Megan Churchill in the face during the incident at Shuckers, a raw bar in Myrtle Beach. The 260-pound, 6’ 4” Lowery, seen above, was charged with misdemeanor battery. Churchill told police that Lowery and his family “were causing a disturbance and using racial slurs towards another family.” Churchill said the diatribe was “so bad” that the other family left the restaurant. The 23-year-old waitress added that Lowery slapped her in the face when he was asked to leave Shuckers. When questioned by police, Lowery--who smelled strongly of booze--said that he had been jokingly directing racial slurs at the other family, claiming that while “he did not know the family...he didn’t believe they minded” being denigrated. Lowery, who works for a construction firm, claimed that he only struck Churchill after she hit him. Lowery, cops noted, outweighs Churchill by 120 pounds and is 13 inches taller than her. A witness corroborated Churchill’s account of the encounter, saying that the diner “tried to leave without paying and was cursing and using racial slurs.”
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Unc Wes Re: Gas from Costco Dear Webby, One thing I only recently found out about the Costco AM Card is that it will give you 3% back on gas no matter where the gas is purchased ! Unk Wes Dear Unk Wes That is an excellent deal, even better than what we get in Canada. We get only 2% back. The best deal, though, is to get the gas from the fast Self Serve pumps at Costco, where the gas prices are usually 10% less than downtown. Plus get 2%, or 3% in the US back. It is rare these days to get such a good deal. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Two guys were at a bar talking about how highly their wives thought of them. The first guy said, "My wife, she thinks so much of me that she won't let me do any work around the house. It's incredible." The second guy says, "That's nothing. My wife thinks I'm God." "She thinks you're God? What makes you say that?" "Easy. Every night she places a burnt offering before me." _____________________________________________________ Old man Johnson limped into the doctor's office and said, "Doc, my knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!" The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then said, "Mr. Johnson, just how old are you?" "98!" Johnson announced proudly. The doctor just sighed, and looked at him again. . . Finally he said, "Sir, I'm sorry. I mean, just look at you. You're practically one hundred years old, and you're complaining that your knee hurts? Well, what did you expect?" The old man said, "Well, my other knee is 98 years old too, and it don't hurt!" ______________________________________________________ A man was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The neighbor kept talking about chickens being great creatures, and as such they had the right to go where they wanted. The man was having no luck keeping the chickens out of his flower beds, and he had tried everything. Two weeks later, on a visit a friend noticed his flower beds were doing great. The flowers were beginning to bloom. So the friend asked him how he managed to keep the neighbors chickens away. "How did you make your neighbor keep his hens in his own yard?" "One night I hid half a dozen eggs under a bush by my flower bed, and the next day I let my neighbor see me gather them. He built an 8 foot tall chainlink fence and I wasn't bothered by his chickens after that." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Unsalted Butter I like the taste of salted butter, but it recently occurred to me that a lot of the things that I have with it - peanut butter, cheese, yeast extract - contain a fair amount of salt themselves. So I experimented with spreading bread or toast with unsalted butter when using these fillings, and found that I didn't miss the salt. In fact, unsalted butter tastes better with peanut butter than salted - its slight sweetness is a good complement. By Verity Pink [32] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters' place. They put up a big bold sign which read: "WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!" Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign: "WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS" ____________________________________________________
Paper is not dead
____________________________________________________ Our seven-year-old daughter was thrilled when we took her to Disney World for the first time, and she headed straight for Space Mountain. I worried that the roller coaster would be too scary for her, but she insisted. To her delight, we rode it twice. The next year we returned to the Magic Kingdom, and my daughter, now eight, again dragged me to Space Mountain. As we stood in line, though, I could see her soberly studying the signs that warn about the ride's speed. "Dad," she said, "I don't think I want to go." I asked her why she would be nervous when she had enjoyed herself last time. She replied, "This year, I can read." ____________________________________________________
A husband and wife team perform a funny vaudeville-style act. I thought they were hilarious!

Today in 
1715 - The first lighthouse in America was authorized for 
 construction at Little Brewster Island, Massachusetts. 
1827 - The first swimming school in the U.S. opened in 
 Boston, MA. 
1829 - William Burt patented the typographer, which was the 
 first typewriter. 
1886 - Steve Brodie, a New York saloonkeeper, claimed to 
 have made a daredevil plunge from the Brooklyn Bridge into 
 the East River. 
1904 - The ice cream cone was invented by Charles E. Menches 
 during the Louisiana Purchase Exposition in St. Louis, MO. 
1914 - Austria-Hungary issued an ultimatum to Serbia following 
 the killing of Archduke Francis Ferdinand by a Serb assassin. 
 England sided with the Serbs and started World War I. 
1945 - The first passenger train observation car was placed 
 in service by the Chicago, Burlington and Quincy Railroad. 
1952 - Egyptian military officers led by Gamal Abdel Nasser 
 overthrew King Farouk I. 
1958 - The submarine Nautilus departed from Pearl Harbor, Hawaii, 
 under orders to conduct "Operation Sunshine." The mission 
 was to be the first vessel to cross the north pole by ship. 
 The Nautils achieved the goal on August 3, 1958. 
1962 - The "Telstar" communications satellite sent the first 
 live TV broadcast to Europe. 
1972 - Eddie Merckx of Belgium won his fourth consecutive 
 Tour de France bicycling competition. 
1972 - The U.S. launched Landsat 1 (ERTS-1). It was the first 
 Earth-resources satellite. 
1984 - Miss America, Vanessa Williams, turned in her crown 
 after it had been discovered that nude photos of her had 
 appeared in "Penthouse" magazine. She was the first to 
 resign the title. 
1985 - Commodore unveiled the personal computer Amiga 1000. 
1986 - Britain's Prince Andrew married Sarah Ferguson at 
 Westminster Abbey in London. They divorced in 1996. 
1998 - U.S. scientists at the University of Hawaii turned 
 out more than 50 "carbon-copy" mice, with a cloning 
 technique. 
2000 - Lance Armstrong won his second Tour de France. 
2015  smiled.


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Is Costco a good deal? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, July 22

Tomorrow, Thursday, July 23, I have to go to Calgary for
injections into my eyeballs. That means nothing,including
my newsletter, will be sent out for Friday, Saturday and 
Sunday.


One of the computer magazines had a headline:
"A tribute to Windows 8: If it hadn't been so bad, 
Windows 10 wouldn't be almost ready yet."
Windows 10.2, SP2 in 2020 is supposedly going to be 
awesome. Take your time. I am too busy working to 
have time for that anyway.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Maryland dog watcher, who demanded sex from owner Details at Boneheads Today in 1376 The legend of the Pied Piper of Hamelin leading rats out of town is said to have occurred on this date. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Imagine what it would be like if TV actually were good. It would be the end of everything we know. --- Marvin Minsky ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Bambi, a young lady sidled up to a guest at the party. She had heard him addressed as doctor and now she said diffidently, "Doctor, may I ask a question?" "Certainly," he said. "Lately," said Bambi, "I have been having a funny pain right here over my heart..." The guest interrupted uncomfortably and said, "I'm terribly sorry, Bambi, but the truth is, I'm a doctor of philosophy." "Oh," said Bambi, "I'm sorry!" She turned away, but then overcome with curiosity, she turned back. "Just one more question, doctor. Tell me, what kind of disease is philosophy?" ______________________________________________________ An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution, "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked someone from the back of the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. Then I suggested that she try carrying several things at once." The voice from the back asked, "Did it save time?" The expert replied, "Actually, yes. It used to take her twenty minutes to get breakfast ready. Now, I do it in seven." ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for having used a picture, that had been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that some day somebody will demand payment, AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make of the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. Hopefully none of those have been uploaded for entrapment purposes. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Edward Lewis Thompson, 23, Frederick, Maryland
Maryland dog watcher, who demanded sex from owner A Maryland man is accused of demanding sexual favors as payment for watching a woman's dog while she stepped inside a business. Edward Lewis Thompson, 23, was indicted July 10 on charges of an attempted second-degree sex offense and second-degree assault, according to WUSA9.com. On June 11, Thompson allegedly agreed to watch a pit bull for a woman who needed to go inside a local business in Frederick. The woman told police that when she left the building Thompson asked her for “sexual favors in return for watching her dog,” according to the Washington Post. The woman said the suspect followed her to an alley, grabbed her and again demanded sexual favors. The victim's dog jumped to her aid and scared away the suspect, allowing her to escape and contact police. Frederick police identified Thompson after several interviews and watching video surveillance. Thompson was arrested for the assault charge on June 24 and indicted for the sex offense charge on July 10, an official told The Huffington Post. Good Doggie!
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Freeda Re: Costco Dear Webby, You have mentioned Costco quite favorably a number of times. My neighbor has no good word about them. What's the story? Freeda Dear Freeda I used to be annoyed at them, because at that time they accepted only American Express, and I wanted to get air miles with my VISA. Well, that was a long time ago. Then I had a heart attack and needed meds on the way home from the Rockyviw hospital, where they had totally misdiagnosed me. Well, Costco was the only pharmacy still open that late. So I got my prescription there. I didn't have COPD and pneumonia and this and that and the other thing, so the next day I staggered up to the local hospital, where a kindly old country doc told me that I didn't have any of that stuff, that I was just a walking dead with a heart attack, and that they could fix that. They did, and gave me a new prescription list. This time I phoned the pharmacy down the street, and Costco, for prices. Costco was half price. So I got a Costco membership card. You don't really need one for just medication, but they had all kinds of really good deals. In addition to that, they usually have about a dozen ladies in there giving you samples, pizza, pickled asperagus, chicken nuggets, potato salad, fruit salad, and on and on and on. By the time I have hiked through the store, I am filled up with all kinds of delicacies. AND, most of them are on jaw-dropping introductory sales. I also found out that they quite cheerfully take cash. So I budget myself according to how much cash I want to spend. At the tills they pack your stuff into boxes and put them into a cart. They don't wheel it out to your vehicle, but that is no big deal. It's all smooth pavement. In Canada Costco and AMEX have split their sheets and Costco now accepts Mastercard. They even have their own, where you get 2% back. I didn't think they would give one to me, considering how badly indebted I am, but they approved one right in the store and printed one out to use until a plastic one arrived in the mail. I just use it at the self-serve gas pumps. Fuel is also by far the cheapest at Costco. For members only. That alone is worth the $50 annual membership fee. If you commute or drive a lot, the membership will be paid for in a week, two at most. After that it's clear profit. Another HUGE advantage is their warranty. It is totally the opposite from Walmart, where returning anything is a major hassle. At Costco they ask what the problem was, and they don't argue one bit. Their second question is whether you want cash or have the amount put on your credit card. Done with a smile. Huh? Yep, here is the cash, Sir. Also, unlike Walmart, the employees are not hiding, but hike around and if I look lost or confused, some kind lady flirts at me and guides me to where the stuff is, that I had been looking for. I can highly recommend Costco and I am kicking myself, that I was so boneheaded about the credit cards 15 years ago! Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A friend and I were driving to the mall when we came to a bridge under construction. The road narrowed to one lane, with a red light at either end. We stopped at the red light on our side and when it turned green we started up again. Halfway through we met another car coming towards us. The driver leaned out his window and shouted, "I don't back up for idiots!" Putting his car into reverse, my friend called back, "No problem. I know how to do that." _____________________________________________________ "Sir," she inquired, "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?" The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. However there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this here cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse." ______________________________________________________ If GH can stand for P as in Hiccough If OUGH can stand for O as in Dough If PHTH can stand for T as in Phthisis If EIGH can stand for A as in Neighbor If TTE can stand for T as in Gazette If EAU can stand for O as in Plateau Then the right way to spell POTATO should be: "GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clove for Toothache Take a clove and let it sit in your mouth for a minute or until soft, then apply over the painful area until the pain goes away. By Katie M. [9] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet. She had been told the combination, but couldn't quite remember it. Finally she went to the pastor's study and asked for help. The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial. After the first two numbers he paused and stared blankly for a moment. Finally he looked serenely heavenward and his lips moved silently. Then he looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the final number, and opened the lock. The teacher was amazed. "I'm in awe at your faith, pastor," she said. "It's really nothing," he answered. "The number is on a piece of tape on the ceiling." ____________________________________________________
Helium Beer
____________________________________________________ "I just hope it's not Alzheimer's," confessed the gentleman to his doctor. "Maybe there's some kind of memory medicine you can give me. See, I'm getting terribly forgetful; I lose track of where I'm going or what I'm supposed to do when I get there. What should I do?" he asked glumly. "Pay me in advance," the doctor promptly suggested. ____________________________________________________
How do they do that!

Today in 
1376 The legend of the Pied Piper of Hamelin leading rats 
 out of town is said to have occurred on this date. 
1587 A second English colony was established on Roanoke 
 Island off North Carolina. The colony vanished under 
 mysterious circumstances. 
1796 Cleveland was founded by General Moses Cleaveland. 
1798 The USS Constitution was underway and out to sea 
 for the first time since being launched on October 21, 1797 
1812 English troops under the Duke of Wellington defeated 
 the French at the Battle of Salamanca in Spain. 
1933 Wiley Post ended his around-the-world flight. He had 
 traveled 15,596 miles in 7 days, 18 hours and 45 minutes. 
1943 American forces led by General George S. Patton captured 
 Palermo, Sicily. 
1975 Confederate General Robert E. Lee had his U.S. citizenship 
 restored by the U.S. Congress. 
1987 The U.S. began its policy of escorting re-flagged Kuwaiti 
 tankers up and down the Persian Gulf to protect them from 
 possible attack by Iran. 
1998 Iran tested medium-range missile, capable of reaching 
 Israel or Saudi Arabia. 
2000 Astronomers at the University of Arizona announced that 
 they had found a 17th moon orbiting Jupiter. 
2003 In northern Iraq, Saddam Hussein's sons Odai and Qusai 
 died after a gunfight with U.S. forces. 
2003 In Paris, France, a fire broke out near the top of the 
 Eiffel Tower. About 4,000 visitors were evacuated and no 
 injuries were reported. 
2009 The longest total solar eclipse of the 21st century, 
 lasting up to 6 minutes and 38.8 seconds, occurred over 
 parts of Asia and the Pacific Ocean. 
2011 Space Shuttle Atlantis landed successfully at Kennedy 
 Space Center after completing STS-135. It was the final 
 flight of NASA's space shuttle program.
2015  smiled.


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Magnifying icons 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, July 21

On Thursday, July 23, I have to go to Calgary for
injections into my eyeballs. That means nothing,including
my newsletter, will be sent out for Friday, Saturday and 
Sunday.



The frantic search by the CIA in Jordan to find a cab driver,
who might have influenced the Chatanooga killer, remind me of
the drunk, who was looking for his key under a street light,
because it was too dark where he dropped it over where his 
car was.

If Abdulazeez had been planning for that long, he would 
have chosen different target locations and killed a lot 
more people. Even the idiotic KKK reject kid in Charleston 
killed more people.

And he most definitely would not have gotten drunk and 
dopey.
That is expressly forbidden in Islam. No ISIS fanatics
would ever even think of doing that. Ever!
DUH!

Most likely, after he was caught on his DIU and was facing 
court, he flipped as the court date got close.
He suddenly remembered his Islamic roots and how his
drinking and dope smoking clashed with that.
 
He realized, that the only way to clear the shame
off his and his family's name was to become a martyr.
So he rented a car, loaded his guns and without any real
planning, went off to become a martyr.

We should be grateful he did not get radicalized in Jordan 
or anywhere. Otherwise he could easily have killed hundreds.
That incident was simply "Chickenshit Suicide By Cop" of a 
religious fanatic. 

No need to hassle cab drivers in Jordan.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Hulking Florida man, who was arrested after he urinated on his pregnant girlfriend Details at Boneheads Today in 1925 The "Monkey Trial" ended in Dayton, TN. John T. Scopes was convicted and fined $100 for violating the state prohibition on teaching Darwin's theory of evolution. The conviction was later overturned on a legal technicality because the judge had set the fine instead of the jury. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them. --- Alfred Adler (1870 - 1937) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The famous monkey trial today in 1925 reminded me of this: came home from school and mentioned evolution. Dad hit the roof and started screaming that evolution was nonsense. "You migt have descended from an ape!" he yelled, "But I sure didn't!" ______________________________________________________ A small boy was asked by his teacher, "What is the size of the Government?" "About 5 feet 2 inches," he replied promptly. "No, no, no," said the teacher. "I mean, how many members does the Government have? How did you get 5 feet 2 inches anyway?" "Well," replied the boy, "my father is 6 feet tall and every night he puts his hand to his chin and says, "I have had it up to HERE with the Government!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Noella for this picture Clicks through to the big picture Juanita K. Hammons Hall ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christian Betts 26, St. Petersburg, Florida
Hulking Florida man was arrested after he urinated on his pregnant girlfriend A hulking McDonald’s employee was arrested yesterday after allegedly urinating on his pregnant girlfriend during an argument in their Florida home. Christian Betts, 26, is locked up on a felony aggravated battery count following his bust by St. Petersburg cops. According to police, the 400-pound, 6’ 8” Betts was arguing with the victim--who is five months pregnant--when he “aimed his penis at her and urinated on her.” Betts then shoved the woman and left their apartment after gathering up some of his belongings. A criminal complaint does not disclose where in the couple's apartment the incident occurred. Seen in the above mug shot, Betts is scheduled this afternoon for a Circuit Court hearing during which a judge could set bail. Betts was released from jail late last night after posting $5000 bond.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Maggi Re: Magnifier Dear Webby, Hello, first of all, I thoroughly enjoy your web site. Now the question. I live in a nursing home and across the hall from me is a young lady with MS. I have been trying to help her use her computer which is a nice, new touchscreen Samsung laptop. She has a voice program which works well. The problem is her eyesight. She can't differentiate the icons and can't see the web sites or apps when voice opens them. Is there a program that magnifies the entire screen? It would be wonderful for her to be able to see good enough to enjoy her computer. Thanks for anything help you can offer even if it's a no. Maggi Dear Maggi Have you ever noticed the cutesy little picture I painted in the 90's showing a mouse and a curved arrow over the scroll wheel? Its at the top left of the side menu. That trick, holding down CTRL (or SGRG in Europe) and turning the scroll wheel will work on almost anything. Click on the desktop, and try that. The icons zoom larger if you turn the scroll wheel away from you, or smaller, when you turn it towards you. The same also works in the Humor letter. It zooms not just the fonts but also the pictures. Thry the Hunger Site from the links on the side menu. Many programs also respect that command, for example Open office Write and Calc, and all web sites, that you visit with modern browserrs. The problem with magnification is that you loose the overview. In the long run she will need a large monitor. Check out what 32, 36 or 48 inch monitors cost at your local Costco. They are surprisngly cheap, and they deliver. She might have the money for one, or might be able to get a relative to donate the money. If necessary, check out GoFundMe.com. She might be able to raise enough money in a day. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Worried that his son was spending too much money on dates, Angus McInnes asked the boy how much his last date had cost. The son calculated a minute then replied, "Oh, about $15 or so I think." "Well," said the Father, "I'm proud of you for finally coming up with an inexpensive evening." "To be honest Dad," the son went on, "we'd have spent more, but that was all the money she had." ______________________________________________________ "Watch out," the wife cautioned her husband, who was driving. "Don't you see that car is braking?" Then she snapped, "Don't pass that truck - his tire is wobbling." The husband turned on his CB and informed the trucker about his loose wheel. The wife, in a nasty mood because of a headache, was irritated by the incessant squealing of the CB. "Why do you always get so much static?" she asked. "Because," her long-suffering husband replied, "I'm married." ______________________________________________________ I noticed the neighbor down the street was sitting on his porch all day every every day, so after a few weeks I asked him what was going on. He replied, "I left my job because of illness and fatigue." A few weeks later, his wife gave me the real truth of what happened. Turns out his boss got sick and tired of him. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cake Mix Banana Bread A great way to use up over ripe bananas. Very quick to make. Yield: 2 loaves Ingredients: 1 box yellow cake mix 3 eggs 1/3 cup oil 3-5 mashed bananas (I used 3 very ripe bananas) 1 cup chopped pecans Optional: you could add raisins, craisins or chocolate chips, too. Steps: Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease and flour 2 loaf pans. Add the ingredients in the order listed. Add eggs one at a time. Blend well. Pour into the two loaf pans. Bake 30-35 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Remove from oven and place on a wire rack for 10 minutes before taking out of the pan. Cool completely on the wire rack. Source: Duncan Hines Website By Judy Pariser S. [17] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ For the second time in a row, Jill was forced to impose on the woman with whom she carpooled to her children's soccer practices. Jill phoned and explained that her husband had the car again, so she wouldn't be able to take her turn. A few minutes before she was due to pick up her son, her husband showed up. Since it was too late for her to call and say she could drive after all, Jill asked her husband to hide the car in the garage and to stay inside. She also explained to her son that he shouldn't mention anything about his father's whereabouts. Unfortunately, her husband forgot and was in front of the house chatting with a friend when her carpool partner arrived. When her son returned from practice, Jill asked him if she had noticed. "Yes," he replied, "she asked me which of the two men in front of the house was my father. But don't worry. I told her I didn't really know for sure." ____________________________________________________
Funny Ballet
____________________________________________________ A patient was waiting nervously in the examination room of a famous specialist. "So who did you see before coming to me?" asked the doctor. "My local General Practitioner." "Your GP?" scoffed the doctor. "What a waste of time. Tell me, what sort of dumb and useless advice did he give you?" "He told me to come and see you." ____________________________________________________
Hang on.... just 4 more days until Friday.

Today in 
1831 Belgium became independent as Leopold I was proclaimed 
 King of the Belgians. 
1861 The first major battle of the U.S. Civil War began. It was 
 the Battle of Bull Run at Manassas Junction, VA. 
 The Confederates won the battle. 
1925 The "Monkey Trial" ended in Dayton, TN. John T. Scopes 
 was convicted and fined $100 for violating the state prohibition 
 on teaching Darwin's theory of evolution. The conviction was 
 later overturned on a legal technicality because the judge had 
 set the fine instead of the jury. 
1940 Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia were annexed by the 
 Soviet Union. 
1944 American forces landed on Guam during World War II. 
1954 The Geneva Conference partitioned Vietnam into North Vietnam 
 and South Vietnam. 
1958 The last of "Arthur Godfrey’s Talent Scouts" programs 
 aired on CBS-TV. 
1959 A U.S. District Court judge in New York City ruled that 
 "Lady Chatterley’s Lover" was not a dirty book. 
1961 Captain Virgil "Gus" Grissom became the second American 
 to rocket into a sub-orbital pattern around the Earth. He 
 was flying on the Liberty Bell 7. 
1968 Arnold Palmer became the first golfer to make a million 
 dollars in career earnings after he tied for second place 
 at the PGA Championship. 
1980 Draft registration began in the United States for 
 19 and 20-year-old men. 
1997 The U.S.S. Constitution, which defended the United States 
 during the War of 1812, set sail under its own power for 
 the first time in 116 years. 
2002 WorldCom Inc. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. 
 At the time it was the largest bankruptcy in U.S. history. 
2004 White House officials were briefed on the September 11 
 commission's final report. The 575-page report concluded 
 that hijackers exploited "deep institutional failings 
 within our government." The report was released to the 
 public the next day. 
2007 The seventh and last book of the Harry Potter series, 
 "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," was released. 
2011 Space Shuttle Atlantis landed at Kennedy Space Center in
 Florida. It was the last flight of NASA's space shuttle program. 
2015  smiled.


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Automatic save on power failure 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, July 20

On Thursday, July 23, I have to go to Calgary for
injections into my eyeballs. That means nothing,including
my newsletter, will be sent out for Friday, Saturday and 
Sunday.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida man, who was arested at Disney for Dine and Dash for the 6th time Details at Boneheads Today in 1969 Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin E. Aldrin, Jr. became the first men to walk on the moon. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death. --- Dave Barry (1947 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A young executive is leaving the office one evening when he comes across the company president standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand. "Listen," says the president, "this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly," says the young executive. He turns the machine on, and steps back. "Excellent, excellent," says the president as he shoves his stack of papers into the slot. "I need just one copy." ______________________________________________________ Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one. "No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven." "You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor." The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas, " he interrupted, "the most powerful prayin' I ever did was while hangin' upside down from a power pole during a lightning storm." ______________________________________________________ >From Dad Clicks through to the big picture Tough Rose! ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jerry Moody, 51, Orlando, Florida
Florida man was arested at Disney for Dine and Dash for the 6th time Authorities say a man has made Walt Disney World his happiest place on Earth for dining and dashing. Fifty-one-year-old Jerry Moody was arrested Tuesday after the manager of a lounge at Disney's Contemporary Resort says he racked up a $92 bar tab and tried to leave without paying. The Orlando Sentinel says that according to an arrest report, a waitress recognized him as fitting the description of a man who tried to do the same thing at another lounge the previous night. Both lounges are on Disney property but not inside the theme park. Many Disney restaurants and lounges don't require admission fees. Police say Moody acknowledged that he shouldn't be at the resort but told detectives he likes to go to Disney World. Reports show Moody's been arrested on Disney properties five times. He's being held on a $5,100 bond.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Allene Re: Automatic save on power failure Dear Webby, Does my computer automatically save everything if it shuts down due to a power failure? If not, is there a program that will do that? Thanks Allene Dear Allene No, there isn't. Even with laptops, that will keep on running in the dark until their battery runs down, there is no automatic save. It is up to you to either save manually, or tell the programs, that you use, to auto-save every so often. I have set Write and Calc in Open Office to save every five minutes automatically. No matter what happens, there is a safety copy, that is less than five minutes old. You can probably do the same with most other programs too. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A pastor was preaching an impassioned sermon on the evils of television. "It steals away precious time that could be better spent on other things," he said. He advised the congregation to do what he and his family had done. "We put our TV away in the closet." "That's right," his wife quipped, "but it sure gets awfully crowded in there!" ______________________________________________________ An expectant mother was being rushed to the hospital, but didn't quite make it. Assisted by the cab driver, she gave birth to her baby on the hospital lawn. Later, the father received a bill, listing "Delivery Room Fee: $500." He wrote the hospital and reminded them the baby was born on the front lawn. A week passed, and a corrected bill arrived: "Greens Fee: $200." ______________________________________________________ The young couple invited their aged parson for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. "Goat," the little boy replied. "Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?" "Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Pa say to Ma, 'Might as well have the old goat for dinner today as any other day.'" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Fruits and Vegetables in a Cool Place Years ago when our family started getting larger, we needed more refrigeration space so I purchased a small dorm type refrigerator without a freezer compartment. It was great for keeping soft drinks and other items cold. When not needed, I cut the temperature down low just to keep it running. I soon discovered that with the temperature at 50-55 degrees F, this refrigerator was great for keeping potatoes, tomatoes, apples, blueberries, onions and even bananas longer. The banana skins do not turn black either. I didn't realize how much difference it did make until I lent it to a friend for 3 weeks while he was having refrigeration problems. Now when family comes home, I don't give up my small refrigerator for keeping extra food in. It's full of fruits and vegetables that taste much better when not kept at real cold temperatures. By Litter Gitter [124] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ From Lindsey Hi Webby, a few years ago you had a joke about a druggist with all kinds of bad luck and a short temper on the phone. Can you please find it and run it again? Lindsey Sure, Lindsay, I remember that one. It's rather long, but priceless: Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the Pharmacist, he insulted me terribly this morning on the telephone." Immediately the husband drove downtown to the pharmacy to demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the pharmacist told him, "Now, just a minute - listen to my side of it." "This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I hurried out to the car, but I'll be damned if I didn't lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting in line. One little old lady thought I ws trying to get ahead of her in the line and smashed my glasses with her umbrella. I finally got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels, the phone is still ringing - when I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the floor and broke. The phone is still ringing with no let up, and so, while I was sitting on the floor in a puddle of perfume and broken glass , I answered it. It was your wife - she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. Well, Mister, I TOLD HER!" ____________________________________________________
Toilet Office prank
____________________________________________________ A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use, on the average, only 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. He said, "What?" ____________________________________________________
Emily Kinch performs “The Chandelier” at “The World’s Greatest Cabaret.”

Today in 
1801 A 1,235 pound cheese ball was pressed at the farm of 
 Elisha Brown, Jr. The ball of cheese was later loaded on 
 a horse-pulled wagon and presented to U.S. President 
 Thomas Jefferson at the White House. 
1810 Colombia declared independence from Spain. 
1868 Legislation that ordered U.S. tax stamps to be placed 
 on all cigarette packs was passed. 
1871 British Columbia joined Confederation as a Canadian 
 province. 
1881 Sioux Indian leader Sitting Bull, a fugitive since 
 the Battle of the Little Big Horn, surrendered to federal 
 troops. (Montana) 
1917 The draft lottery in World War I went into operation. 
1942 The first detachment of the Women's Army Auxiliary Corps, 
 (WACS) began basic training at Fort Des Moines, Iowa. 
1944 An attempt by a group of German officials to assassinate 
 Adolf Hitler failed. The bomb exploded at Hitler's Rastenburg 
 headquarters. Hitler was only wounded. 
1944 U.S. President Roosevelt was nominated for an unprecedented 
 fourth term of office at the Democratic National Convention 
 in Chicago. 
1969 Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin E. Aldrin, Jr. 
became the first men to walk on the moon. 
1974 Turkish forces invaded Cyprus. 
1976 America's Viking I robot spacecraft made a successful 
 landing on Mars. 
1982 U.S. President Ronald Reagan pulled the U.S. out of 
 comprehensive test ban negotiations indefinitely. 
1985 Treasure hunters began raising $400 million in coins 
 and silver from the Spanish galleon "Nuestra Senora de 
 Atocha." The ship sank in 1622 40 miles of the coast of 
 Key West, FL. 
1992 Vaclav Havel, the playwright who led the Velvet 
 Revolution against communism, stepped down as president 
 of Czechoslovakia. 
1998 Russia won a $11.2 billion loan from the International 
 Monetary Fund to help avert the devaluation of its currency. 
2003 In India, elephants used for commercial work began 
 wearing reflectors to avoid being hit by cars during 
 night work.
2015  smiled.


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Which mouse lasts longer? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, July 19

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Knife-Wielding Michigan Intruder, who told victim: 'you're going to smoke some weed with me right now!' Details at Boneheads Today in 1848 The Women's Rights Convention took place in Seneca Fall, NY. Bloomers were introduced at the convention. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ There are more fools in the world than there are people. --- Heinrich Heine (1797 - 1856) A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B. --- "Fats" Domino "If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?" --- Will Rogers (1879-1935) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this!" he exclaimed. "I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.'" "Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, 'Get behind me, Satan!'" "I did," replied his wife, "but then he said, 'It looks great from this angle, too.'" ______________________________________________________ Nita's therapist told her the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what she starts. So far today, she has finished 2 bags of chips and a Chocolate cake. She must be feeling better already because her tech support requests slowed down. ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for using a picture, that has been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that somebody will demand payment AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make of the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Seth Lewis, 36, Cadillac, Michigan
Knife-Wielding Michigan Intruder Told Victim: 'You're Going To Smoke Some Weed With Me Right Now!' A man in Cadillac, Michigan, had a shocking wake-up call early Wednesday when a knife-wielding intruder insisted they get high together, police say. The unidentified man was sleeping on his couch around 2:30 a.m. when another man woke him up and allegedly said, "You're going to smoke some weed with me right now," according to Fox 17 news. Cadillac Police Detective Lt. Todd Golnick told The Huffington Post that the intruder was holding a 7-inch blade. According to police, the victim managed the stall the forced pot-smoking until the attacker put the knife down. At that point, the victim grabbed the weapon and ran to the next home, where he banged on the door. Golnick said the neighbor, unaware of what happened next door and fearing his own home was being invaded, called 911. Police were then dispatched to the scene. "It's a little bit confusing, but the officers saw a man carrying a knife walking towards them and thought it was the invader," Golnick said. "But it was the victim, and he quickly explained what had happened in his own house." Fox 17 reports that officers found the alleged intruder behind the victim's residence, where he had fallen down a steep hill. Golnick said Seth Lewis, 36, has been taken into custody as a suspect in the case. Lewis was taken to the Wexford County Jail and booked on charges of home invasion, resisting and obstructing police, as well as violating probation. Along with the knife, police found a marijuana pipe, Golnick told HuffPost. Golnick said it appears the two men were neighbors, but did not know one another. He told the Cadillac News that break-ins where an intruder is intoxicated or just looking for a place to sleep happen a few times a year, but that this one was extreme. "This was different because he was armed and engaged the first person he saw with an extremely bizarre request," he told the paper. "This was extremely random, and we don’t know what was really going on with this guy. He hasn’t cooperated to let us know what his intent really was.”
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lorry Re: Lasting mouse Dear Webby, Which mouse lasts the longest before it needs a new battery? I am going on a drive to relatives in the country and don't want to worry about batteries. Is it OK to charge my laptop from their little gasoline powered generator, or is there a better way? Dear Lorry A Logitech wireless mouse is good for about a year. If you put a couple neww batteries in before you leave, you shouldn't have to worry. For the laptop, yes, a gas generator works OK, as long as it can keep it's rated speed. A better method is to use a Statpower DC > AC inverter, that you plug into the cigarette lighter in a vehicle or connect to a vehicle battery. If your relatives live way out in the country, off the electrical grid, then they probably have a few Solar panels for lights and just use the generator for power tools. If they have Solar panels, then they will have a bank of 12 Volt batteries. You can connect your StatPower inverter to those and the laptop into that. The Statpower produces clean 110 Volt AC, cleaner than you get off the grid at home. I have done that for many years in the Yukon. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office." The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, lady," he said, "but I think it's too late!" ______________________________________________________ Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. "So how was it?" his mother asked as they returned home. "Great," Little Johnny replied. "Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother. "Yeah, Daddy liked it too." exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, "You should have seen him when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1 !" ______________________________________________________ "Ode to the Spell Checker!" Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My chequer tolled me sew. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Rain-X to Remove Ink from Dryer Use Rain-X X-treme Clean for baked on ink. Put some on a dry cloth and rub for 10 seconds. It removes it easily and without damage to the dryer surface. Clean after with a wet cloth. Soft Scrub may work too, but may be overly abrasive. You can remove the dryer door for easier access. By mokalabs [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ >From Bobby in Tennessee: If English was good enough for Jesus Christ and King James, then it's good enough for me. Statistics show that teen age pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25. The Ark was not metric, and neither are two-by-fours. America is a free country and we are going to keep using Imperial measurements whether the rest of the world likes it or not. ____________________________________________________
405 Airline
____________________________________________________ "A Woman's Dream" A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when a tall, exceptionally handsome and extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward them. Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition." Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she gladly pressed into the young man's hand. She looked deeply into his eyes and slowly and meaningfully said... "Clean my house." ____________________________________________________
Sand art that must be sad because some in the audience are crying.

Today in 
1525 The Catholic princes of Germany formed the Dessau 
 League to fight against the Reformation. 
1553 Fifteen-year-old Lady Jane Grey was deposed as 
 Queen of England after claiming the crown for nine days. 
 Mary, the daughter of King Henry VIII, was proclaimed 
 Queen. 
1799 The Rosetta Stone, a tablet with hieroglyphic 
 translations into Greek, was found in Egypt. 
1848 The Women's Rights Convention took place in Seneca 
 Fall, NY. Bloomers were introduced at the convention. 
1870 France declared war on Prussia. 
1939 Dr. Roy P. Scholz became the first surgeon to use 
 fiberglass sutures. 
1942 German U-boats were withdrawn from positions off the 
 U.S. Atlantic coast due to effective American 
 anti-submarine countermeasures. 
1943 During World War II, more than 150 B-17 and 112 B-24 
 bombers attacked Rome for the first time. 
1946 Marilyn Monroe acted in her first screen test. 
1975 The Apollo and Soyuz spacecrafts separated after being 
 linked in orbit for two days. 
1979 In Nicaragua, the dictatorship of the Somozas was 
 overthrown by the Sandinista National Liberation Front 
1982 The U.S. Census Bureau reported that 14% of the 
 population had an income below the official poverty level.
1985 George Bell won first place in a biggest feet contest 
 with a shoe size of 28-1/2. Bell, at age 26, stood 
 7 feet 10 inches tall. 
1985 Christa McAuliffe of New Hampshire was chosen to be 
 the first schoolteacher to ride aboard the space shuttle. She 
 died with six others when the Challenger exploded the 
 following year. 
2015  smiled.


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Is a major cyber-attack coming? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, July 18

Thank you, Ian!!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Woman, who told police Obama legalized counterfeiting Details at Boneheads Today in 0064 The Great Fire of Rome began. Private houses had been all wood up to then. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. --- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "What do you love most about me," a husband asked his wife, "my tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?" "What I love most about you," responded the man's wife, "is your incredible sense of humor." ______________________________________________________ Linda and Marion were comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business. "I started a new practice last year," Linda said. "I insist that each of my employees take at least a week off every three months." "Why in the world would you do that?" Marion asked. "It's the best way I know of to learn which ones I can do without," Linda said. ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for using a picture, that has been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that somebody will demand payment AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make of the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Pamela Downs, 45, Kingsport, Tennessee
Woman Tells Police Obama Legalized Counterfeiting When Pamela Downs was arrested for trying to pass counterfeit money, she supposedly gave the cops what she thought was a reasonable explanation: Obama made it legal. Downs, 45, was arrested after an incident Sunday night when she allegedly gave a gas station employee in Kingsport, Tennessee, a suspicious-looking $5 bill. The arresting officer noted that the curious currency appeared to have been printed on a home printer with two sides glued together, according to RawStory.com. According to police, Downs said she had received the counterfeit cash from a gas station but never inspected it. After she consented to a search of her purse, the officer said he found a fake $100 bill printed in black and white. The back of the bill was upside down, according to the Kingsport Times-News. The police allegedly found receipts from Walmart for a printer and copy paper. At that point, Downs was arrested and charged with counterfeiting, according to the paper. Officers said when Downs was at the jail, she said that she had read online about a law that allowed people on fixed incomes to print their own money. “I don’t give a f**k, all these other ba*****s get to print money, so I can too,” she allegedly told police, according to CBS Washington. Downs was apparently referring to a 2009 article entitled "Obama Wants Citizens to Print Their Own Money" from The Skunk, a news parody website that provides "Tasteless American Satire For The Ill-Informed." Officers who searched Downs' home said they found counterfeit bills totaling between $30,000 to $50,000. Downs is being held at the Sullivan County Jail, with a court date on Thursday. Bail is expected to be high, and in real money.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lynn Re: Cyberattack coming Dear Webby, What do you think about all these warnings about a major cyber-attack coming soon and that the hackers stealing all the Government data are only practising and preparing? Thanks Lynn Dear Lynn Half of that practising and preparing is mostly just pranking, people trying to see if they can do it. The other half is selling the data to spammers and scammers. Those spammers and scammers would get extremely uptight if they had paid tens of Millions of dollars for the data, and then some turkey messed up the Internet or the electrical power grid. They need the Internet to make back their investment and to make the expected profit. It is a good idea, though, to back up all important data on a removeable drive or camera chip, just in case something goes wrong with your computer. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A Jewish lady goes into a furniture store owned by a Jewish man. She picks out a lamp she likes and brings it to the counter. She finds out the price is $69.95 and says, "Oy, down the street at Goldstein's these are only $49.95!" The owner asks why she doesn't buy it from Goldstein's, and she says, "Because they just ran out of them." The owner throws up his hands and says, "Ha! When I'm out of them, they're only $41.95! ______________________________________________________ There was an expectant father who had spent quite some time waiting for the offspring to arrive - at his in- laws place. As his leave balance had gone into the red, he tells his father-in-law: "When my son comes, do not call up office and say that I have become a father of a boy, etc. otherwise I'll have to shell out a lot for parties etc. Just tell me that the clock has arrived. This will be our code for the arrival of the baby." The offspring does arrive one day, but it's a daughter. The father-in-law now thinks - "If I tell him that the clock has not arrived, he'll misunderstand that some thing has happened to the baby and come rushing over." So he sends the message - " The clock has arrived, ... one without a pendulum." ______________________________________________________ A feisty 70 year-old woman had to call a furnace repairman. After a quick inspection, the man put some oil into the motor and handed her a $70 bill for the service call. "Service! One hour?" she exclaimed. "It only took you five minutes!" The repairman explained that his company had a minimum one-hour charge on every house call, since it included travelling time. "Well, I want my remaining 55 minutes of service," the lady responded, and she handed him a rake. The repairman spent the next 55 minutes in her yard bagging leaves. ---I guess for the next furnace emergency service call she might as well write to the Government or pray for warm weather. Emergency repair people have long memories and busy schedules. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Prevent Bitter Tea Tea is better if it's made by the sun, bringing water to a boil on the stove creates 'bitter' tea. And sun tea does not necessarily mean that it has to sit in the sun. Tea bags will make tea sitting on the counter or in the fridge, it just takes time. By llpensinger [15] You might get some violent arguments about that from tea fanatics, but when it comes to ice-tea, I agree 100%. It tastes much better when made in the sun in a big old gallon pickle jar. Take the teabags out when it has almost the right color, - it will darken more on it's own-, add a pinch of salt and the juice from a quarter of a lemon, and if you are in the South, a few TBSP of sugar. Sure beats ANY instant ice tea! Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ How was your trip to New Jersey?" "Well, a mugger stopped me and said, 'Gimme your money, or I'll blow your brains out.' " "What did you do?" "I told him to go ahead and shoot. He was so shocked, he ran away." "Wow! He told you to give him your money or he'd blow your brains out, and you told him to go ahead and shoot?" "Yeah. You don't need brains to live in New Jersey, but you can't get along without money." ____________________________________________________
Free kitten
____________________________________________________ An IRS agent goes into a synagogue looking for the rabbi. "Rabbi", he says when he sees him," do you know a Mr. Morris Katz?" "Yes, I do," says the rabbi. "Is he a member of your congregation?" asks the agent. "Yes, he is,"says the rabbi. "Did he make the $100,000 donation to the synagogue, that he claims on his tax return?" asks the IRS agent. "I can assure you that he will!" says the rabbi. ____________________________________________________
I love Animusic! The guys who came up with this have quite the imagination and musical talent.

Today in 
0064 The Great Fire of Rome began. Private houses had been all 
 wood up to then.
1536 The authority of the pope was declared void in England. 
1789 Robespierre, a deputy from Arras, France, decided to 
 back the French Revolution. 
1812 Great Britain signed the Treaty of Orebro, making peace 
 with Russia and Sweden. 
1830 Uruguay adopted a liberal constitution. 
1872 The Ballot Act was passed in Great Britain, providing 
 for secret election ballots. 
1914 Six planes of the U.S. Army helped to form an aviation 
 division called the Signal Corps. 
1932 The U.S. and Canada signed a treaty to develop the 
 St. Lawrence Seaway. 
1935 Ethiopian King Haile Selassie urged his countrymen to 
 fight to the last man against the invading Italian army. 
1936 The first Oscar Meyer Wienermobile rolled out of General 
 Body Company’s factory in Chicago, IL. 
1936 The Spanish Civil War began as Gen. Francisco Franco led 
 an uprising of army troops based in Spanish North Africa. 
1942 The German Me-262, the first jet-propelled aircraft to 
 fly in combat, made its first flight. 
1944 U.S. troops captured Saint-Lo, France, ending the battle 
 of the hedgerows. 
1944 Hideki Tojo was removed as Japanese premier and war 
 minister due to setbacks suffered by his country in WWII. 
1971 New Zealand and Australia announced they would pull their 
 troops out of Vietnam. 
2001 A train derailed, involving 60 cars, in a Baltimore 
 train tunnel. The fire that resulted lasted for six days and 
 virtually closed down downtown Baltimore for several days.
2015  smiled.


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Can you upload to a web site from a Mac? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, July 17
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Diner Expects Jesus To Pay Buffet Bill Details at Boneheads Today in 1212 The Moslems were crushed in the Spanish crusade. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Anybody who has doubts about the ingenuity or the resourcefulness of a plumber never got a bill from one. --- George Meany Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. --- Bill Watterson, cartoonist "Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company." --- Mark Twain (1835-1910) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat. She thinks to herself, "Here's another male chauvinist pig trying to keep suppressing the independence of a woman by implying she is obligated to be grateful for a lousy seat", and she pushes him back onto the seat. A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is insulted again and refuses to let him up. Finally, the man says, "Lady, you'll have to go molest somebody else now. I'm two miles past my stop already and got to get off the bus." ______________________________________________________ A man and woman are having marriage problems, and decide to end their union after a very short time together. After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple goes to court to finalize their break-up. The judge asks the husband, "What has brought you to the point that you are now at, where you are not able to keep this marriage together?" The husband says, "In the six weeks we've been together, we haven't been able to agree on one thing." The wife says, "Six and a half weeks." ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for using a picture, that has been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that somebody will demand payment AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make of the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by April Lee Yates, 51, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Diner Expects 'Jesus' To Pay Buffet Bill The Lord may provideth, but don't expect Jesus to pay your restaurant tab. The Olive Garden restaurant in Jerusalem is still trying to collect for his Last Supper. April Lee Yates, 51, was arrested Sunday for allegedly refusing pay for a $26 seafood buffet at Bennetts Calabash in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Police arrived after employees said she'd been at the restaurant for four hours and was disturbing other patrons, according to CountOn2.com. Yates also allegedly refused to pay for her meal, saying she had no money. Officers said when Yates was asked what she had planned to do about the bill, she told them that Jesus would pay it for her, according to WBMF TV. No one named Jesus came forward with the money. At that point, Yates was arrested and charged with defrauding a restaurant. She was taken to the Myrtle Beach Jail.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Minnie (NOT mini) Re: Putting pictures onto a site with a Mac Dear Webby, I somehow inherited the task to update my dad's business site after mom fired the secretary, who used to do that. Yeah, right. She used a PC for doing that. All I have is a Mac. Will that work? I did learn HTML in Highschool and still remember most of it. Minnie Dear Minnie Yes, sure. There are probably a dozen people using Macs for writing pages and uploading them and the pictures. Apparently it is not as easy as with a PC and requires reading some instructions. That is why many Millions of people use PCs for that, and either Windows or Linux. Download and install FileZilla FTP, and carefully follow the instructions. If it doesn't work right, skype me. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work: "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two." The husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his wife said: "Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world." But then she said: "I'm glad that you feel this way about my mother moving in with us." ______________________________________________________ Employed by the human-development center of a corporation in the Midwest, my friend trains employees in proper dress codes and etiquette. One day as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man casually dressed in jeans and a golf shirt got on with her. Thinking of her responsibilities, she scolded, "Dressed a little casually today, aren't we?" The man replied, "That's one benefit of owning the company." ______________________________________________________ A sergeant in a parachute regiment regularly took part in night-time exercises. One night he was seated next to a lieutenant, fresh from Jump School. He was quiet, sad, and looked a bit pale, so the sergeant struck up a conversation. "Scared, Lieutenant?", he asked. "No, just a bit apprehensive," said the lieutenant. The sergeant asked, "What's the difference?" The Lieutenant replied, "That means I'm too chicken to admit that I am scared!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Refreshing Frozen Yogurt Bars Healthy and delicious frozen yogurt bars can be made with a handful of ingredients and your blender. Approximate Time: 5 minutes Yield: 4-6 mini bars Ingredients: 1.5 cup full fat yogurt 1 banana 1 cup strawberries 2 Tbsp honey 1/3 cup sugar Steps: Puree the strawberries, banana, yogurt, honey, and sugar in a blender until smooth. Pour the mixture into the ice pop molds or paper cups. Place them in the freezer until frozen. Release the pops from the molds or cups. Enjoy! You can use any fruit you like or even leave chunks of fruit for a yummy texture! By attosa [108] You can leave out the sugar and it works even better. After all, with yoghurt you do expect a bit of tartness. Just use 2 cups of yoghurt. That makes a better thirst quencher. Don't forget to stick posicle sticks into the center before the cones harden! Popsicle molds and sticks are available at many dollar stores. Have FUN! DearaWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions. One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "Called in SICK yesterday!" There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score. The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator. "Wow," he said. "Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!" ____________________________________________________ A woman who plays cards one night a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke up her husband when she came home around 11:30 p.m. One night she decided to try not to rouse him. She undressed in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom - only to find her husband sitting up in bed reading. "Dangit woman!" he exclaimed. "Did you lose EVERYTHING?" ____________________________________________________
This is amazing what magic music sounds have!

Today in 
1212 The Moslems were crushed in the Spanish crusade. 
1453 France defeated England at Castillon, France, which 
 ended the 100 Years' War. 
1785 France limited the importation of goods from Britain. 
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte surrendered to the British at 
 Rochefort, France. 
1821 Spain ceded Florida to the U.S. 
1866 Authorization was given to build a tunnel beneath 
 the Chicago River. The three-year project cost $512,709. 
1898 U.S. troops under General William R. Shafter took 
 Santiago de Cuba during the Spanish-American War. 
1917 The British royal family adopted the Windsor name. 
1941 Brigadier General Soervell directed Architect G. Edwin 
 Bergstrom to have basic plans and architectural perspectives 
 for an office building that could house 40,000 War 
 Department employees on his desk by the following Monday 
 morning. The building became known as the Pentagon. 
1945 U.S. President Truman, Soviet leader Josef Stalin and 
 British Prime Minister Winston S. Churchill began meeting 
 at Potsdam in the final Allied summit of World War II. 
 During the meeting Stalin made the comment that 
 "Hitler had escaped." 
1946 Chinese communists opened a drive against the Nationalist 
 army on the Yangtze River. 
1960 Francis Gary Powers pled guilty to spying charges in a 
 Moscow court after his U-2 spy plane was shot down over the 
 Soviet Union. 
1966 Ho Chi Minh ordered a partial mobilization of North 
 Vietnam forces to defend against American air strikes. 
1975 An Apollo spaceship docked with a Soyuz spacecraft in 
 orbit. It was the first link up between the U.S. and 
 Soviet Union. 
1979 Nicaraguan President Anastasio Somoza resigned and 
 fled to Miami in exile. (Florida) 
1986 The largest bankruptcy filing in U.S. history took place 
 when LTV Corporation asked for court protection from more 
 than 20,000 creditors. LTV Corp. had debts in excess of 
 $4 billion. 
1997 After 117 years, the Woolworth Corp. closed its 
 last 400 stores. 
1998 Biologists reported that they had deciphered the genome 
 (genetic map) of the syphilis bacterium. 
2008 In China, construction of the Shanghai World Financial 
 Center was completed. 
2015  smiled.


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Are these 16 Windows updates safe? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, July 16
Thanks Ronna
Thanks Alfred!


"If you give a woman or a man for that matter without 
his or her knowledge a drug and then have sex with that 
person, that's rape." Obama said. 

Hmmm, so if some guy goes to bed with a "Budweiser Fox"
and wakes up with a "Hangover Warthog", does he cuss at
Budweiser, or file a rape claim? 

I have not been to a bar or pub for years, but I can
envision courts getting really busy. Last time I was at one,
the off-prime ladies were still plying victims with beer.

Maybe Obama will get a real law degree after all. At least 
an honorary one from a liberal university in exchange for 
a suitable donation.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Man who entered US illegally and was arrested in Michigan on kidnapping and sexual assault charges Details at Boneheads Today in 1969 Apollo 11 blasted off from Cape Kennedy, FL, and began the first manned mission to land on the moon. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done. --- Fred Allen (1894 - 1956) When ideas fail, words come in very handy. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe He's the kind of a guy who lights up a room just by flicking a switch. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One of my daughter's wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she and her husband tried it out. Almost immediately, smoke billowed out of the toaster. "Get the owner's manual!" my daughter's husband shouted. "I can't find it anywhere!" cried my daughter a short time later. "Oops!" came a voice from the kitchen. "Well, the toast is fine, but the owner's manual's burned to a crisp." ______________________________________________________ A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said, "I'd love to be ten again." On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park --the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. Everything there was, she had a go. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Into McDonalds they went, where she was given a Double Big Mac with extra fries and a strawberry shake. Then off to a theater to see Star Wars--more burgers, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually I meant dress size." ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for using a picture, that has been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that somebody will demand payment AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make of the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Aurelio Hernandez-Gomez, 23, South Haven, Michigan
Man who entered US illegally arrested in Michigan on kidnapping, sexual assault charges An illegal Mexican immigrant allegedly kidnapped a 13-year-old girl from her Florida home last week and sexually abused her before police located the pair in Michigan, Fox 28 reported. The Van Buren County sheriff's office in southwestern Michigan says 23-year-old Aurelio Hernandez-Gomez was arraigned Friday in South Haven. The girl was last seen Tuesday and reported missing to the Polk County sheriff's office in Florida. Police learned she was at a home in Hartford Township, southwest of Grand Rapids. Authorities in Michigan found the girl and Hernandez-Gomez in the home. Hernandez-Gomez faces extradition to Floriduh and a hearing Wednesday in South Haven District Court. The girl was placed in protective custody while arrangements were being made to return her to her family.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: Are these Windows updates safe? Dear Webby, Are these Windows updates safe? KB30... ... Frank Dear Frank Yes, they are all safe. They are just a bunch of bug fixes and security fixes. Go ahead and update. You will have to reboot some time after that, but not immediately afterward. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A middle-aged guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday. He says, "So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?" She says, "Bernie, I want a divorce." He looked at her soberly for a time. "I know this must hurt," she said, trying to soften the blow. "Oh, it's not that," he said. "It's just that I wasn't planning on spending quite that much." ______________________________________________________ Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it forever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dry Clothing on Hangers When drying your laundry outdoors, instead of using pegs, hang as much washing on clothes hangers as possible. Separate the hangers using pegs to stop them gravitating together. Using hangers in this way has 4 advantages: Your clothes stay in good shape. You can fit far more on the washing line. You can bring your washing in much more quickly if it starts to rain. Once dry, anything that doesn't need ironing is immediately ready to hang straight in the wardrobe. Also those peggy hangers that are meant for your smalls can also be used for larger items such as small towels and pillow cases. This also frees up space and helps to bring your washing in quickly By ShirleyE [7] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A woman was at home with her children when the telephone rang. In going to answer it, she tripped on a rug, grabbed for something to hold on to and seized the telephone table. It fell over with a crash, jarring the receiver off the hook. As it fell, it hit the family dog, who leaped up, howling and barking. The woman's three-ear-old daughter, startled by this noise, broke into loud screams. The woman mumbled some colorful words. She finally managed to pick up the receiver and lift it to her ear, just in time to hear her husband's voice on the other end say, "Nobody's said hello yet, but I'm positive I have the right number." ____________________________________________________ A married college student, noticeably pregnant, keeps rubbing her side during a final exam. Before she leaves, the professor asks if she is OK. "I noticed you were holding onto your side," he says. "Oh, I'm fine," she answers. "It's just that my baby was pushing his foot up and down my ribs, and it hurt a little." "Well, that's good," the professor says, feeling genuinely relieved. "Yes," she continues. "It's strange. We both normally sleep during your class." ____________________________________________________
What a lot of work goes into the making of handmade mosaic tiles, and they are beautiful!

Today in 
1774 Russia and the Ottoman Empire signed the treaty of 
 Kuchuk-Kainardji, ending their six-year war. 
1779 American troops under General Anthony Wayne captured 
 Stony Point, NY. 
1791 Louis XVI was suspended from office until he agreed 
 to ratify the French constitution. 
1875 The new French constitution was finalized. 
1912 Bradley A. Fiske patented the airplane torpedo. 
1926 The first underwater color photographs appeared in 
 "National Geographic" magazine. The pictures had been 
 taken near the Florida Keys. 
1935 Oklahoma City became the first city in the U.S. to 
 install parking meters. 
1940 Adolf Hitler ordered the preparations to begin on the 
 invasion of England, known as Operation Sea Lion. 
1942 French police officers rounded up 13,000 Jews and held 
 them in the Winter Velodrome. The round-up was part of an 
 agreement between Pierre Laval and the Nazis. Germany had 
 agreed to not deport French Jews if France arrested 
 foreign Jews. 
1944 Soviet troops occupied Vilna, Lithuania, in their drive 
 toward Germany. 
1945 The United States detonated the first atomic bomb in a 
 test at Alamogordo, NM. 
1950 The largest crowd in sporting history was 199,854. 
 They watched Uruguay defeat Brazil in the World Cup soccer 
 finals in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. 
1951 J.D. Salinger's novel "The Catcher in the Rye" was 
 first published. 
1957 Marine Major John Glenn set a transcontinental speed 
 record when he flew a jet from California to New York in 
 3 hours, 23 minutes and 8 seconds. 
1969 Apollo 11 blasted off from Cape Kennedy, FL, and began 
 the first manned mission to land on the moon. 
1973 Alexander P. Butterfield informed the Senate committee 
 investigating the Watergate affair of the existence of 
 recorded tapes. 
1979 Saddam Hussein became president of Iraq after forcing 
 Hasan al-Bakr to resign. 
1981 After 23 years with the name Datsun, executives of 
 Nissan changed the name of their cars to Nissan. 
2009 In Chicago, Sears Tower was renamed Willis Tower. 
2015  smiled.


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Locked browser size 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, July 15
Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Colorado Sword thief taken down by wench Details at Boneheads Today in 1099 Jerusalem fell to the Crusaders. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income. --- Samuel Butler (1835 - 1902) A true friend is one that lets his grass grow as tall as yours. --- Socratex Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. --- Peter De Vries ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Lawyer's question to a Juror: Q. During deliberations would you change your position merely because the other jurors disagree with you? A: No, because the judge told us to sit at the same seat each time. ______________________________________________________ While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, Joe was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down at his uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," he answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," Joe told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot towards him, "would you please tie my shoe?" ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for using a picture, that has been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that somebody will demand payment AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make of the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Connor Ward, 22, Larkspur, Colorado
Sword thief taken down by wench A man is facing charges of theft and resisting arrest after authorities say he crashed a jousting performance at the Colorado Renaissance Festival and tried to make off with a sword. A witness says the man was chased down by two women in costume Saturday. Steve Chapman says they chased him up a hill and one of them, dressed as a wench, held him in a headlock for about five minutes until her husband, in a knight's costume, caught up and held him down until security arrived. Douglas County Sheriff's Office spokesman Sgt. Ron Hanavan confirmed that bystanders were able to stop 22-year-old Connor Ward.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Andre Re: Recover from full-screen browser Dear Webby, I think you mentioned the trick once, or maybe more than once, how to recover from full screen, when a browser or program accidentally goes to full monitor size and there is no top bar to click on. What is the trick to recover from that? Thanks Andre Dear Andre Hit F11 That will get you back to controllable part screen size views. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." And why not, darling?" "You know that you always have a headache next morning after wearing that suit!" ______________________________________________________ The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could out do anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the young guy replied. The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then he turned to the young man and said, "Alright. Get in." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Quick and Safe Strawberry Hulling Many suggestions are floating around for this chore, but yesterday I found the winner. Many of the tools are dangerous (e.g., a paring knife). However, I took a pair of needle-nosed pliers to the task. All I did was slide the pliers under the hull, catching the stem, and lift the hull off. I did two quarts in a very short amount of time. Wish I had discovered this earlier. At 81, I have done quart after quart in my lifetime. This method is also safe for young people, no sharp points or edges. By Jean Rabe [4] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ The doorbell rang and the little girl ran to open the door. In the doorway stood a man with a clipboard. He explained that he was from the Census Bureau and wanted to know how many were in the family. Walking to the door, drying her hands on her apron, the mother said, "Let's see. There's me and my husband, and my children: Tracy, Katherine, Amanda, Edward, Alfred, Martin . . ." The census taker interrupted, saying, "I'm not interested in the names, ma'am. The numbers will be enough." The little girl said, "We don't use numbers yet. So far we haven't run out of names yet!" ____________________________________________________ Bill was having a really bad day on the golf course. Right around the 14th hole, it seems he had missed one putt too many. He let loose with a fairly impressive string of profanities, grabbed his putter, and stormed off toward the lake by the 15th tee. "Uh-oh," said his caddie to one of his playing partners, "There goes that club." "You think so?" said his partner. "I've got five bucks saying he misses the water!" ____________________________________________________
What an engineering feat to build this train track! It goes through some really beautiful country.

Today in 
1099 Jerusalem fell to the Crusaders. 
1410 Poles and Lithuanians defeated the Teutonic knights 
 at Tannenburg, Prussia. 
1789 The electors of Paris set up a "Commune" to live without 
 the authority of the government. 
1806 Lieutenant Zebulon Pike began his western expedition 
 from Fort Belle Fountaine, near St. Louis, MO. 
1813 Napoleon Bonaparte's representatives met with the Allies 
 in Prague to discuss peace terms. 
1834 Lord Napier of England arrived in Macao, China as the 
 first chief superintendent of trade. 
1888 "Printers’ Ink" was first sold. 
1901 Over 74,000 Pittsburgh steel workers went on strike. 
1916 In Seattle, WA, Pacific Aero Products was incorporated 
 by William Boeing. The company was later renamed Boeing Co. 
1918 The Second Battle of the Marne began during World War I. 
1922 The duck-billed platypus arrived in America, direct 
 from Australia.
1942 The first supply flight from India to China over the 
 'Hump' was carried to help China's war effort. 
1958 Five thousand U.S. Marines landed in Beirut, Lebanon, 
 to protect the pro-Western government. The troops withdrew 
 October 25, 1958. 
1965 The spacecraft Mariner IV sent back the first close-up 
 pictures of the planet Mars. 
1968 Commercial air travel began between the U.S. and the 
 U.S.S.R., when the first plane, a Soviet Aeroflot jet, 
 landed at Kennedy International Airport in New York. 
1972 NASA's Pioneer 10 spacecraft became the first to enter 
 the asteroid belt. 
1987 Taiwan ended thirty-seven years of martial law. 
2006 The social networking service Twitter was launched. 
2015  smiled.


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Recover from full-screen browser 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, July 14
Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Dopey Long Island man forgets 3 year old daughter at Subway. Details at Boneheads Today in 1789 French Revolution began with Parisians stormed the Bastille prison and released the seven prisoners inside. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he barked at him: "What do you want?" "Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "just here to hook up your telephone." ______________________________________________________ Lady: Waiter, please bring me coffee without cream. Waiter: I'm afraid we've run out of cream. Would you like it without milk? ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for using a picture, that has been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that somebody will demand payment AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make of the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Stanley Fredrique, 34 Long island
Dopey dad left daughter behind at Subway Stanley Fredrique, 34, took Natalie to the store in Harlem, New York He then bought the youngster a meal before walking out of the restaurant Girl started screaming 'daddy, daddy', so he promised he would be back But an employee took her to a police station when he didn't return. Fredrique told police he had forgotten her and tried to report her missing the next day. Another man who said he was outside the Subway when Frederique split suspected the irresponsible father was on synthetic weed, called K2 or spice. “He was standing around here all night long, this strip is a hotbed,” Jerry Smith, 29. “The guy that did that was heavy on K2 — I don't think he was, I know he was.” Nataleigh arrived home in her mother’s arms Sunday evening. Her dopey dad was taken to Bellevue Hospital Center. Frederique has been arrested at least three times on drug charges and spent three years behind bars, from 2005 to 2008. In 2010, he also was charged with endangering the welfare of a child because of an argument a male relative had with a woman over child care, according to the Long Island Press.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Andre Re: Recover from full-screen browser Dear Webby, I think you mentioned the trick once, or maybe more than once, how to recover from full screen, when a browser or program accidentally goes to full monitor size and there is no top bar to click on. What is the trick to recover from that? Thanks Andre Dear Andre Hit F11 That will get you back to controllable part screen size views. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ >Fom Ed The other day I was playing golf and saw an unusual thing. A golfer became so mad that he threw his brand new set of golf clubs into the lake. A few minutes later he came back, waded into the lake, and retrieved his clubs. He proceeded to take his car keys out of the bag -- then threw the clubs back into the water. ______________________________________________________ A lady was driving from her husband's office to the kids' school, with twelve youngsters in the car, when she blew past a red light, and a police car. Much to the delight of the kids, the police officer pulled her over, wrote her a ticket, lectured her on traffic safety, and finished by saying, "Lady, don't you know when to stop?" Tomato red in the cheeks, the embarrassed woman said, "Officer, only seven of them are mine!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Toothpaste to Clean Diamond Earrings Take some toothpaste and use your hand or a brush of sorts and brush the jewel. Then rinse and by then you have a sparkling piece of jewlery. By Katie M. [9] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Louise's Cookbook MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. TUESDAY: Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper. WEDNESDAY: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any. THURSDAY: Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led up to Bob asking me why I was rolling around in the garden. FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left. SATURDAY: Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy). For some reason Bob keeps counting to ten. SUNDAY: Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast. All I could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment. GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob. If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with Chocolate Moose. ____________________________________________________ As part of the admission procedure in the hospital where Jill work, she asks the patients if they are allergic to anything. If they are, she prints it on an allergy band placed on the patient's wrists. Once when she asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies, she said she couldn't eat bananas. Imagine Jill's surprise, when several hours later a very irate son came out to the nurses' station screaming: "Who's responsible for labeling my mother 'bananas'?" ____________________________________________________
A beautiful bookstore in Romania. I could live there!

Today in 
1223 In France, Louis VIII succeeded his father, Philip Augustus. 
1430 Joan of Arc, taken prisoner by the Burgundians in May, 
 was handed over to Pierre Cauchon, the bishop of Beauvais. 
1456 Hungarians defeated the Ottomans at the Battle of Belgrade. 
1789 French Revolution began with Parisians stormed the Bastille 
 prison and released the seven prisoners inside. 
1868 Alvin J. Fellows patented the tape measure. 
1891 The primacy of Thomas Edison's lamp patents was upheld 
 in the court decision Electric Light Company vs. U.S. 
 Electric Lighting Company. 
1900 European Allies retook Tientsin, China, from the 
 rebelling Boxers. 
1911 Harry N. Atwood landed an airplane on the lawn of the 
 White House to accept an award from U.S. President William Taft. 
1914 Robert H. Goddard patented liquid rocket-fuel. 
1933 All German political parties except the Nazi Party 
 were outlawed. 
1940 A force of German Ju-88 bombers attacked Suez, Egypt, 
 from bases in Crete. 
1941 Vichy French Foreign Legionaries signed an armistice in 
 Damascus, which allowed them to join the 
 Free French Foreign Legion. 
1945 American battleships and cruisers bombarded the 
 Japanese home islands for the first time. 
1946 Dr. Benjamin Spock’s "The Common Sense Book of Baby 
 and Child Care" was first published. 
1958 The army of Iraq overthrew the monarchy. 
1965 The American space probe Mariner 4 flew by Mars, and 
 sent back photographs of the planet. 
1998 Los Angeles sued 15 tobacco companies for $2.5 billion 
 over the dangers of secondhand smoke. 
2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 10 million applications 
 downloaded. 
2008 In Japan, construction began on the Tokyo Skytree tower. 
2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 1.5 billion 
 applications downloaded. 
2015  smiled.


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Make W8 look like W7 or XP 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, July 13

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Alabama burglar who was chased by cops and a bull Details at Boneheads Today in 1099 The Crusaders launched their final assault on Muslims in Jerusalem. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A couple that have been married for 40 years decide to celebrate their anniversary with a renewal of their vows. In planning the ceremony with the help of a friend, the wife says she has decided to wear silver instead of white. At that point, her husband chimes in, "Yep, silver. To match her hair." Glaring at the husband's bald spot, the wife's friend inquires, "So, I guess you are going naked?" ______________________________________________________ A sweet young lady who had just been shopping is pulled over by a traffic cop and given a ticket for speeding. Rather than fight the ticket, the woman writes a check for the amount of the fine and puts it in the mail. However, the young woman is worried. Her husband always examines her checkbook carefully, and she doesn't want him to know about the incident. Then inspiration strikes, and she scribbles on the check stub: "One pullover, $125." ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for using a picture, that has been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that somebody will demand payment AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make of the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brad Lynn Hemby 26, Arab, Alabama
Robbery suspect chased by bull An Alabama robbery suspect got into some serious beef when he ran across a bull while allegedly fleeing police Wednesday. Police in the city of Arab, in the northern part of the state, said suspect Brad Lynn Hemby, 26, and a female accomplice were chased from a house they were robbing after the homeowner caught them in the act. Hemby and the woman drove off in a Chevrolet truck with officers in pursuit. They crashed near a cow pasture, and Hemby ran. "The driver... fled across a cow pasture and grabbed the attention of a bull roaming the field. The bull also gave chase along with deputies," Marshall County Sheriff Scott Walls told WHNT. The chase ended when Hemby ran into a barbed wire fence and surrendered, according to WAFF. Police said the female suspect ran into a wooded area near the crash site and remains at large. After apprehending Hemby, police recovered stolen items from the truck. Hemby is charged with burglary, criminal mischief and attempting to elude a police officer and a bull.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Helen Re: Make W8 look like W7 or XP Him Webby. I'm just looking for the program you told us about that makes W8 act like XP. I can't seem to find it, and I know you had it in your newsletter just recently. Thank you so much, Alice Dear Alice The XP or W7 desktop shell and various skins are at http://www.classicshell.net/ By the way, with your Windows Mail you CAN put the message into the BODY part. No need to jam it all onto the subject line. The Subject line should be just a very brief topic, just a phrase, so that the recipient can easily tell at a glance what the topic is. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ In a Supermarket, Hong Kong: FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE. ______________________________________________________ Old George was a priest in a small German town. He had always been a good man and lived by the Bible. One day God decided to reward him, with the answer to any three questions George would like to ask. Old George did not need much time to consider, and the first question was: "Will there ever be married Catholic priests?" God promptly replied: "Not in your life-time." George thought for a while, and then came up with the second question: "what about female priests then, will we have that one day?" Again God had to disappoint Old George: "Not in your life-time, I'm afraid." George was sorry to hear that, and he decided to drop the subject. After having thought for a while, he asked the last question: "Will there ever be another German pope?" God answered quickly and with a firm voice, "Not in MY life time." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cornstarch Play Dough Fun play dough to make for your kids! it is super cheap to make, super easy, and non-toxic. Did I mention it only has 3 ingredients? Approximate Time: Under 15 minutes Yield: 3 large circles of fun! :) Supplies: 1 cup water 2 cups baking soda 1 cup cornstarch Steps: Add all of your ingredients to a large pan. Cook over low to medium heat for about 8 minutes, stirring continuously. I decided to separate the dough so that I could make a few different colors. I gave each of my kiddos a tiny container of a couple teaspoons of water. It was a tiny bit crumbly, but they worked in the water and it did the trick! You can either air-dry your creations, then paint them and keep them for display, or store your dough in the fridge for future use. Have fun! :) Source: A book called Little Hands By melissa [162] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ The case concerned a will and Kelly was a witness. The attorney asked:"Was the deceased in the habit of talking to himself when he was alone?" "I don't know," said Kelly. "Come now man, you don't know and yet you pretend you were intimately acquainted with the deceased?" "Well, Mr. Lawyer," said Kelly, "I never happened to be with him when he was alone. " ____________________________________________________ Car rental brochure, Tokyo: WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE, THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOR. Dry cleaner's, Bangkok: DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS. ____________________________________________________
Dogs are great at looking guilty.

Today in 
1099 The Crusaders launched their final assault on Muslims 
 in Jerusalem. 
1534 The Ottoman armies captured Tabriz in northwestern Persia. 
1558 Led by the court of Egmont, the Spanish army defeated the 
 French at Gravelines, France. 
1812 The first pawnbroking ordinance was passed in New York City. 
1832 Henry Schoolcraft discovered the source of the Mississippi 
 River in Minnesota. 
1835 John Ruggles received patent #1 from the U.S. Patent Office 
 for a traction wheel used in locomotive steam engines. All 9,957 
 previous patents were not numbered. 
1863 Opponents of the Civil War draft began three days of rioting 
 in New York City, which resulted in more than 1,000 casualties. 
1875 David Brown patented the first cash-carrier system. 
1878 The Congress of Berlin divided the Balkans among 
 European powers. 
1931 A major German financial institution, Danabank, failed. 
 This led to the closing of all banks in Germany until August 5. 
1941 Britain and the Soviet Union signed a mutual aid pact, 
 that provided the means for Britain to send war material 
 to the Soviet Union. 
1954 In Geneva, the United States, Great Britain and France 
 reached an accord on Indochina which divided Vietnam into 
 two countries, North and South, along the 17th parallel. 
1978 Lee Iacocca was fired as president of Ford Motor Co. 
 by chairman Henry Ford II. 
1984 In Arkansas, Terry Wallis was injured in a car accident 
 and was left comatose. He came out of the coma in June of 2003. 
1998 "Image of an Assassination" went on sale. The video 
 documentary is of Abraham Zapruder's home video of U.S. 
 President Kennedy's assassination in Dallas. 
2000 The United States and Vietnam singed a major trade 
 agreement. The pact still needed to be approved by the 
 U.S. Congress.
2015  smiled.


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Lost Excel worksheet 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, July 12

Thank you Allene!!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 82-year-old Illinois woman, who attacked city employee Details at Boneheads Today in 1870 The first rotary can opener with a cutting wheel was patented by William W. Lyman. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Events in the past may be roughly divided into those which probably never happened and those which do not matter. --- William Ralph Inge (1860 - 1954) If God had intended for man to use the metric system, he would have given us 10 commandments, not 12. --- Hillary Clinton ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Benefit of old age: Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. ______________________________________________________ A new addition to the periodic table of chemical elements Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: 180+ Physical properties: Solid at room temperature but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KID (Element: Child) for prolonged periods of time. Neutralizes by saturating with alcohol. Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good specimens are able to produce large quantities on command. Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell. ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for using a picture, that has been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that somebody will demand payment AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make of the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Margaret Gaul, 82, Macomb, Illinois
82-year-old Macomb woman attacked city employee An 82-year-old woman faced a criminal charge after she allegedly attacked one of two city workers who went to her house to tell her to mow her lawn. Two city employees went to the Macomb, Illinois home of Margaret Gaul a third time on Monday to remind her they had complaints about her lawn, and that it needed to be mowed, according to a report from WGEM. Gaul was accused of venting her anger by repeatedly punching one of the workers, knocking the worker to the ground, and trying to break the worker’s arm by pulling it around a post. Following that part of the alleged attack, Gaul reportedly went into her home and returned, armed with hedge clippers. When police arrived, they knocked the clippers out of Gaul’s hand and placed her under arrest. “She was just upset they came back again to tell her to mow her lawn,” said Macomb Police Chief Curt Barker. “It was just one of those freak things.” The worker suffered bruises but was otherwise okay. Gaul was charged with misdemeanor battery. Online records showed she was released from the McDonough County Jail July 7 after she posted bond.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Helen Re: Lost Excel work Dear Webby, One of my Excel files mysteriously disappeared. This morning, when I tried to save it before starting work, it said it could not save to that name, I should save it under a different name. Well, I thought that was silly and closed it, and rstarted it. Well guess what, it had somehow broken that worksheet and hid the pieces. Gone. Not in the Recycle bin either. Is there any way to get it back? There better be a way! Otherwise I am going to be extremely pissed off. There is many years of work and data in that! Helen Dear Helen That is typical and to be expected with Excel. It doesn't do it often, just when it hurts the most. If you don't back up your Excel files, the UFOs or Microsoft are going to steal them sooner or later. Actually, they are going to do it anyway, but if you have saved them to another drive or camera memory chip, it's no big deal. To save them I use an old-fashioned DOS bat. Just open NoteTab or Wordpad and make a plain text file and save it as backup.bat in an easy to find location, like c:\ If you use Notepad, make sure it does not add .txt to the end of the file name. In it write something like this xcopy /D /C /H /R /K /Y /Z C:\*.xl* H:\ xcopy /D /C /H /R /K /Y /Z C:\*.qpw H:\ xcopy /D /C /H /R /K /Y /Z C:\docs\*.* H:\docs\ echo Done pause That is assuming that you have an external drive H: You can of course use any safe location. All that gobbledigook there is just options for xcopy so that it copies only files, that are newer on the source than on the destination. It won't waste time on files, that have not been changed, and it won't stall and give up if it encounters a problem with one file, for example one that is still open. The way it works is Xcopy, /options, Source, Destination * is the shortcut for "Anything". You can add as many lines as you want. The "pause" command asks you to "Hit any key". That way you know it is done. When you hit any key, the program closes and the scary black window goes away. Once upon a time, long long ago, all programs ended with the request to hit any key and there are still jokes about that floating around. Now you know what that is all about. Now save that backup.bat and close it. Next right-click on the desktop and select NEW, Shortcut Make a shortcut to your backup.bat and assign a cute icon to it. From now on you can just hit that icon and it backs up all the stuff you specified in it. You can add more at any time. I am sorry that I can't do anything about the lost Excel file, but at least now you know how to prevent a recurrence of that tragic event. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment: shave, shampoo, manicure and haircut, he placed the boy in the chair. Then he said, "I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade. I'll be back in a few minutes." When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you." "That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut'." ______________________________________________________ Little Johnny was having problems in English class, so his teacher decided to stop by on her way home to speak with his parents. When she rang the bell, Little Johnny opened the door. The teacher said, "Hello, Johnny. I would like to talk to your mother or your father." Little Johnny said, "Sorry, but they ain't here." The teacher said, "Johnny, what is it with your grammar?" "Beats me," said Little Johnny, "but dad sure was mad that they had t'go bail her out again." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com All Natural Copper/Brass Polish It never ceases to amaze me how natural ingredients we have around the house could be performing the same tasks as store-bought chemicals, but without the harsh ingredients and toxins. This is quick, easy and works fantastically. Enjoy! :) I almost forgot to mention that this is very inexpensive, too! Approximate Time: A few minutes Yield: Around 1 cup Supplies: 1/2 cup flour 1/2 cup salt 1/2 cup vinegar 1/2 cup hot water 2 tsp lemon juice Add all of your ingredients to a bowl. Mix well. This is the process: Simply rub the mixture all over your surface with a soft cloth. Rinse well with water and dry well. All done! Source: From a book called Homemade By melissa [162] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ "Doctor!" whined the patient. "I keep seeing spots before my eyes." The physician scratched his head, "Why have you come to me? Have you seen an opthalmologist?" "No," replied the patient, "just spots." _____________________________________________________ Stopped at a friends house the other day and found him stalkin around with a flyswatter. When I asked if he was gettin any flies, he answered, "Yeah, three males and two females". Curious, I inquired as to how he could tell the difference. He answered, "Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone". ____________________________________________________
An amazing feather balancing act.

Today in 
1096 Crusaders under Peter the Hermit reached Sofia, Bulgaria. 
 There they met their Byzantine escort, which brought them 
 safely the rest of the way to Constantinople. by August 1. 
1543 England's King Henry VIII married his sixth and last 
 wife, Catherine Parr. 
1690 Protestant forces led by William of Orange defeated 
 the Roman Catholic army of James II. 
1691 William III defeated the allied Irish and French armies 
 at the Battle of Aughrim, Ireland. 
1790 The French Assembly approved a Civil Constitution 
 providing for the election of priests and bishops. 
1806 The Confederation of the Rhine was established 
 in Germany. 
1864 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln witnessed the battle 
 where Union forces repelled Jubal Early's army on the 
 outskirts of Washington, DC. 
1870 The first rotary can opener with a cutting wheel 
 was patented by William W. Lyman. 
1933 A minimum wage of 40 cents an hour was established 
 in the U.S. 
1941 Moscow was bombed by the German Luftwaffe for the 
 first time. 
1946 "The Adventures of Sam Spade" was heard on ABC radio 
 for the first time. 
1960 Manufacturing began for the Etch A Sketch®. 
1982 "E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial" broke all box-office 
 records by surpassing the $100-million mark of ticket 
 sales in the first 31 days of its opening. 
1982 The last of the distinctive-looking Checker taxicabs 
 rolled off the assembly line in Kalamazoo, MI. 
1998 1.7 billion people watched soccer's World Cup finals 
 between France and Brazil. France won 3-0. 
1999 Walt Disney Co. announced that it was merging all of 
 its Internet operations together with Infoseek into Go.com. 
2000 Russia launched the Zvezda after two years of delays. 
 The module was built to be the living quarters for the 
 International Space Station (ISS.) 
2015  smiled.


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Is Windows 10 really ready? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, July 11

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a murderous couple in Missouri Details at Boneheads Today in 1786 Morocco agreed to stop attacking American ships in the Mediterranean for a payment of $10,000. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble. --- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A principal is making his rounds in the school when he hears a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms. He rushes in and spots one boy, taller than the others, who seems to be making the most noise. He seizes the lad, drags him to the hall, and tells him to wait there until he is excused. Returning to the classroom, the principal restores order and lectures the class for half an hour about the importance of good behavior. "Now," he says, "are there any questions?" One girl stands up timidly. "Please sir," she asks, "may we have our teacher back?" ______________________________________________________ During exams at England's Cambridge University, a bright young student asks the proctor to bring him cakes and ale. "Sorry, no," says the proctor. "Sir, I really must insist," says the student, taking out a copy of the 400 year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect. He points to a section which reads (roughly translated): "Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require cakes and ale." The proctor gives in, but since cakes and ale aren't readily available, he and the student agree that hamburgers and beer can be substituted, and the student sits there, writing his examination and happily slurping away. Three weeks later, the same student is fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination. ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for using a picture, that has been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that somebody will demand payment AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make of the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin Award has been earned by Gypsy Blanchard, 23, Springfield, Missouri Nicholas Godejohn 26, Big Bend, Wisconsin
Mystery, public deception and murder Greene County prosecuting attorney said Tuesday morning that Gypsy Blanchard, 23, and her boyfriend, Nicholas Godejohn, 26, of Big Bend, Wisconsin. are charged with first-degree murder and armed criminal action for the stabbing death of Dee Dee Blancharde, Gypsy's mother. The murder follows what Greene County Sheriff Jim Arnott said is a long history of "mystery and deception" that involves financial fraud. Claudineea had for many years run a scam pretending Gypsy was seriously ill and mentally handicapped. They conned all kinds of organizations and people out of money and services. Details are emerging that Gypsy Rose Blanchard has a secret life, as did Dee Dee too. In previous news reports, Gypsy Rose was reported to suffer from muscular dystrophy and leukemia, and use a wheel chair. In an interview about their new Habitat for Humanity House in 2008, after she and her mother moved here from Louisiana after Hurricane Katrina, her age was listed as 12. That was all just BS. Dee Dee (Claudineea) used drugs on Gypsy to make her teeth fall out and shaved her head to make it look like she had had chemothereapy. And she kept her always within arms reach. Gypsy COULD have gotten away by simply calling the cops or one of the organizations, that were donating money to them. There was no need for murder. Dee Dee would have been locked up for years for her scamming, and Gypsy would have gotten all kinds of help to rehabilitate. Investigators say the awful comments posted on Dee Dee and Gypsy Blancharde’s joint Facebook account, which alerted friends, were both authored by Gypsy. Investigators say Gypsy called Nicholas Godejohn, her boyfriend, and he traveled to Springfield to pick her up and kill her mother because she asked him to do so. Dee Dee Blancharde was found with stab wounds in her bed late Sunday night.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ed Re: Is Windows 10 really ready? Dear Webby, Dear Webby, I know the paid shills at the magazines are paid to gloss over problems and gush about how great Windows10 is going to be, but some admit, it's a definite "going to be" and not really ready yet. What's the truth? Ed Dear Ed PC-World's headline today was New Windows 10 build 10166 squashes bugs, adds Microsoft Wi-Fi access. 10166 was last night's compile. There will probably be a few more before July 29, the official release. And there will be a LOT more, after thousands of eager beavers try it out after July 29, probably without being able to go back. Wait until the worst of the complaint storm is over, and the worst of the bugs have been fixed. There is no rush. Give them a year or two. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A state legislator is awakened in the middle of the night by his wife, who whispers, "I think there's a thief in the house." "Not in the House, my dear," her husband says. "In the Senate, sure, but not in the House." ______________________________________________________ Two women are paired together as partners in a club tournament and meet on the putting green for the first time. After introductions, the first golfer asks, "What's your handicap?" "Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replies. "Really," says the first woman, suitably impressed and thinking they might have a shot at the championship. "Yes," says her partner, "I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Liquid Dishwasher Detergent If you prefer liquid detergent for your dishwasher, then this is for you! This is super inexpensive and easy to make. No more harsh chemicals, no more suds bubbles when you pour water into your clean cups. Cheaper and healthier, sounds good to me! Approximate Time: a few minutes Yield: a little over 3 cups Supplies: 3 Tbsp pure castile liquid soap 3 cups water 1 cup washing soda empty jar Steps: Add 3 cups hot water to a large bowl. Add your washing soda and castile soap. Mix well. Pour into a clean jar, I used a pickle jar. See how it tends to separate? Simply shake it every half hour or so for a couple hours and then before use in the dishwasher. Use 2 tablespoons per load. If you have hard water, you may want to add vinegar and coarse salt to the prewash to reduce film or water stains. Enjoy! Source: Pinterest inspired By melissa [159] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Angus McInnes is dying. On his deathbed, he looks up and says: "Is my wife here?" "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you," his wife replies. "Are my children here?" he asks. "Yes, daddy, we are all here." "And my other relatives? Are they also here?" "Yes, we are all here," says one. "Then why is the light on in the kitchen?" _____________________________________________________ What's the difference between education and experience? If you read the instructions, you have education. If you don't read the instructions, you WILL get experience. ____________________________________________________
Beautiful pictures. The ice cave in Russia is very strange looking.

Today in 
1346 Charles IV of Luxembourg was elected Holy Roman Emperor
 in Germany. 
1533 Henry VIII, who divorced his wife and become head of 
 the church of England, was excommunicated from the Catholic 
 Church by Pope Clement VII. 
1786 Morocco agreed to stop attacking American ships in the 
 Mediterranean for a payment of $10,000. 
1798 The U.S. Marine Corps was formally re-established by 
 "An Act for Establishing a Marine Corps" passed by the 
 U.S. Congress. The act also created the U.S. Marine Band. 
 The Marines were first commissioned by the Continental 
 Congress on November 10, 1775. 
1804 The United States' first secretary of the treasury, 
 Alexander Hamilton, was killed by Vice President Aaron Burr 
 in a duel. 
1918 Enrico Caruso recorded "Over There" written by 
 George M. Cohan. 
1962 The first transatlantic TV transmission was sent through 
 the Telstar I satellite. 
1972 U.S. forces broke the 95-day siege at An Loc in Vietnam. 
1979 The abandoned U.S. space station Skylab returned to 
 Earth. It burned up in the atmosphere and showered debris 
 over the Indian Ocean and Australia. 
1985 Dr. H. Harlan Stone announced that he had used zippers 
 for stitches on 28 patients. The zippers were used when he 
 thought he may have to re-operate. 
1995 Full diplomatic relations were established between the 
 United States and Vietnam. 
1999 A U.S. Air Force jet flew over the Antarctic and dropped 
 off emergency medical supplies for Dr. Jerri Nelson after 
 she had discovered a lump in her breast. Nelso was at the 
 Amundsen-Scott South Pole Research Center. 
2000 The video "Jaws," the Anniversary Collector's Edition, 
 was released. 
2015  smiled.


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Windows 10 naggers 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, July 19
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Georgia woman, who battered beau over sex denial Details at Boneheads Today in 1778 In support of the American Revolution, Louis XVI declared war on England. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it. --- Tallulah Bankhead (1903 - 1968) A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions. --- Wilson Mizner ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Bonnie There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory. I forget the other two. ______________________________________________________ A woman approached the minister after the sermon, and thanked him for his discourse. "I found it so helpful," she said. The minister replied: "I hope it will not prove as helpful as the last sermon you heard me preach." "Why, what do you mean?" asked the astonished woman. "Well," said the minister, "that sermon lasted you three years." ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for using a picture, that has been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that somebody will demand payment AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make of the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin Award has been earned by Tabatha Lee Grooms, 35, Augusta, Georgia
Georgia woman battered beau over sex denial A Georgia woman is facing a pair of battery charges after she attacked her live-in boyfriend for refusing to have sex with her, police allege. Tabatha Lee Grooms, 35, is accused of leaving her beau Carlos Rodrecus Grace, 30, bloodied following a June 25 confrontation in their Augusta home (which the couple shares with her 66-year-old mother). According to a Richmond County Sheriff’s Office report, Grace had a bite mark on his left forearm and “visible scratches to his face, head and neck that were still bleeding slightly” when deputies interviewed him. Grace told investigators that “Grooms was mad from earlier in the day because he would not have sex with her.” After a night of boozing, Grooms returned to the residence and announced that she had “fucked everyone else because [Grace] would not fuck her,” Deputy Phillip Clark reported. Following that proclamation, Grooms allegedly scratched and bit Grace, who was seated on a couch. Grooms, who declined to answer police questions about the fight, admitted that she had been drinking (Clark noted that she appeared to be “highly under the influence of alcohol”). In addition to the alleged attack on Grace, Grooms was also charged with a second misdemeanor count for allegedly punching her mother in the eye. Court records show that Grooms has previously pleaded no contest to leaving the scene of an accident. She is also facing a misdemeanor drunk driving charge.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Mike Re: Windows 10 naggers Dear Webby, Dear Webby, I am getting encouraged to update to Windows 10. What are your thoughts on Windows 10? I currently have Windows 7. Thanks !!! Mike Dear Mike Wait for 10.1, SP2 Let them fix it first. It was only a month ago that utilities came out for making W8 look and act like XP or W7, so that people could focus on getting work done, instead of on cussing at an unwieldy and hostile user interface. There is no rush at all. W10 probably won't go away soon. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business, much like his own, opened up next door and erected a huge sign, which read, "BEST DEALS." He was horrified when another competitor opened up on the other side, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading, "LOWEST PRICES." The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put a sign over his own shop. It read: "MAIN ENTRANCE." ______________________________________________________ An extremely shy fellow brings his date a bouquet of flowers. She's so overcome she throws her arms around him and kisses him long and hard. After the kiss, red-faced, he turns and bolts for the door. "Oh, I'm sorry," she says. "I didn't mean to offend you." "You didn't," he replies. "I'm just running down to the cemetery for more flowers." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Salt Water for Tarnished Silver Ring After using household bleach for cleaning I realized my favorite silver ring had been tarnished and I was freaking out! I had the impulse to rub it with salt as it is an alkaline and submerge my ring in salted boiling water. It worked in about 25-30 mins! By mariah c-t. [1] The traditional method of 1 teaspon of baking soda sprinkled onto aluminum foil in a small pot or pan, 1/4 cup warm water and the ring added, and agitated slightly, works in a couple of minutes. Works not only on jewelry, but is the recommended method for fine, real silver cutlery, that naturally turns black when not used frequently. The black is just silver oxide. Aluminum WANTS that oxygen, and when helped by the baking soda, rips it off, leaving clean silver behind. No pitting, no abrasion. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable. _____________________________________________________ One Sunday afternoon, the Pastor's wife dropped into an easy chair saying, "Boy! Am I ever tried!" Her husband looked over at her and said, "I had to conduct two special services last night, three today, and give a total of five sermons. Why are you so tired?" "Dearest," she replied, "I had to listen to all that BS and pretend to be impressed!" ____________________________________________________
The Most Amazing Sand Sculptures You Will See Today

Today in 
1609 The Catholic states in Germany set up a league under 
 the leadership of Maximillian of Bavaria. 
1679 The British crown claimed New Hampshire as a 
 royal colony. 
1776 The statue of King George III was pulled down in 
 New York City. 
1778 In support of the American Revolution, Louis XVI 
 declared war on England. 
1821 U.S. troops took possession of Florida. The territory 
 was sold by Spain. 
1866 Edison P. Clark patented his indelible pencil. 
1900 ‘His Master’s Voice’, was registered with the U.S. 
 Patent Office. The logo of the Victor Recording Company, 
 and later, RCA Victor, shows the dog, Nipper, looking 
 into the horn of a gramophone machine. 
1910 W.R. Brookins became the first to fly an airplane 
 at an altitude of one mile. 
1913 The highest temperature ever recorded in the U.S. 
 was 134 degrees in Death Valley, CA. 
1919 The Treaty of Versailles was hand delivered to the 
 U.S. Senate by President Wilson. 
1928 George Eastman first demonstrated color motion 
 pictures. 
1938 Howard Hughes completed a 91 hour flight around 
 the world. 
1940 The 114-day Battle of Britain began during WWII. 
1949 The first practical rectangular television was presented. 
 The picture tube measured 12 by 16 and sold for $12. 
1951 Sugar Ray Robinson was defeated for only the second time 
 in 133 fights as Randy Turpin took the middleweight crown. 
1953 American forces withdraw from Pork Chop Hill in Korea 
 after heavy fighting. 
1962 The Telstar Communications satellite was launched. 
 The satellite relayed TV and telephone signals between 
 Europe and the U.S. 
1973 Britain granted the Bahamas their independence after 
 three centuries of British colonial rule. 
1985 Coca-Cola resumed selling the old formula of Coke, 
 it was renamed "Coca-Cola Classic." It was also 
 announced that they would continue to sell "New" Coke. 
1991 U.S. President Bush lifted economic sanctions against 
 South Africa, citing its "profound transformation" 
 toward racial equality. 
1997 Scientists in London said DNA from a Neanderthal 
 skeleton supported a theory that all humanity descended 
 from an "African Eve" 100,000 to 200,000 years ago. 
1998 The World Bank approved a $700 million loan to Thailand. 
2002 Peter Paul Rubens' painting "The Massacre of the Innocents" 
 sold for $76.2 million at Sotheby's. 
2015  smiled.


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Facebook movies don't work for her 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, July 9

Thank you, Master Chief Jim!
Happy 92nd Birthday!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Former Texas judge, who posted fake sex ads of ex-girlfriends Details at Boneheads Today in 0118 Hadrian, Rome's new emperor, made his entry into the city. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics. --- Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ At the company barbecue a lady stood up and said that it was time to get ready for the celebrations. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every man to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. The bartender was almost crushed to death. ______________________________________________________ A man is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in the back seat. The two women just won't leave the poor man alone. His mother-in-law says, "You're driving too fast!" His wife says, "Stay to the right!" After several more orders from both of them the man breaks down and barks at his wife, "Who's driving this car, anyway, you or your mother?" ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for using a picture, that has been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that somebody will demand payment AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make of the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin Award has been earned by Christopher Dupuy, 43, Galveston, Texas
Former Texas Judge Posted Fake Sex Ads Of Ex-Girlfriends A former Texas state judge is facing charges of online harassment after allegedly placing two bogus sex-for-hire ads featuring two of his ex-girlfriends. Christopher Dupuy, 43, was arrested on July 2 in Galveston and remains behind bars on $600,000 bail, the Houston Chronicle reports. Dupuy posted escort ads on Backpage.com using pictures of the former girlfriends, according to an investigation by the Galveston County District Attorney's Office and the Harris County Sheriff's Office. Adam Poole, an assistant Galveston County district attorney, told TexasLawyer.com that the photos of the victims were used without permission in an attempt to harass them. Between 2010 and 2013, Dupuy served as a Galveston County Judge. He resigned after being charged with multiple counts of lying under oath and abuse of office. He went to work as an attorney and is currently serving two years of probation in connection with those charges, according to YourHoustonNews.com. Officials were able to trace the ads to Dupuy, who placed them under the fake name "Don Tequila," HoustonPress.com reports. That's also the name of a commenter who criticized Dupuy while he was a judge. "The first victim was getting all kinds of calls and texts from prospective johns," Poole told the website. "And the detective working the case reached out to the second victim." One of the women told police she hired Dupuy to handle her divorce, but that he wanted to have a relationship with her. That woman had dated Dupuy six years ago when she was single, court records show. When she declined to rekindle the romance, she said Dupuy started harassing her on Facebook by sending photos with insulting remarks. She broke off all communication with Dupuy after the divorce was finalized, at which point, an ad with her phone number appeared on Backpage.com promising "a sexy nurse" who was "very fetish friendly." Another ad that investigators traced to Dupuy featured pictures of the second woman's breasts. She told police she'd broken up with the suspect last August and that she texted the photos while they were dating, but said he'd been harassing her since the break-up, according to HoustonPress.com. Dupuy has asked for a court-appointed attorney to represent him.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Diana Re: can't open videos on facebook Dear Webby, I really enjoy your newsletter. You have helped me in the past and hopefully you can help me now. I just purchased a refurbished Dell. I can open videos from Godvine but not from facebook. What am I missing? Diana Dear Diana Videos on Facebook usually require Shockwave. Install all the free Adobe stuff, and the videos should play OK. If you just want the video player, go to http://www.adobe.com/devnet/flashplayer/stagevideo.html Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Kids never understand parent's logic. They always fail to see why they have to go to bed when the parents are tired. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Soft Scrub I was out of my usual noxious bleach cleanser, but needed to clean my sinks. I decided to whip something up myself. To my delight, it actually worked! This is an all natural, fume free way to clean your sinks or any other surface you may want, showers, etc. It is very inexpensive too! Approximate Time: A few minutes Yield: About 1 1/2 cups Supplies: 1 1/2 cup baking soda 1/2 cup lemon juice large bowl clean jar with lid Steps: In a large bowl, combine your baking soda and lemon juice concentrate. I learned the hard way that this fizzes and initially becomes much larger than it will end up. So if you want to avoid a big mess, use a big bowl.:) Add your mixture to a clean glass jar with a lid to store for future use. By melissa [159] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ The difference between the Supreme Court now and the Klu Klux Klan is that the Supreme Court wears black robes and scares the hell out of white people. _____________________________________________________ An octogenarian who is an avid golfer moves to a new town and joins the local country club. The first time he goes to the club to play, however, he-s told there isn-t anybody he can play with because all the members are already out on the course. The old fellow repeats several times that he really wants to play. Finally the assistant pro agrees to go out with him. The pro also says he-ll give the man a 12 stroke handicap. "I really don't need a handicap," he says. "I have been playing quite well. The only real problem I have is getting out of sand traps." And he does play well, though on the 18th hole, after a long drive, his ball lands in a sand trap. Still, when he shoots from the trap, he hits a very high ball that bounces onto the green and rolls into the hole. The pro walks over to the sand trap where his opponent is still standing. "Nice shot," he says, "but I thought you said you have a problem getting out of sand traps?" Replies the octogenarian, "I do. Please give me a hand and help me up out of this blasted sandpit." ____________________________________________________
Danish artist Thomas Dambo makes sculptures from scrap wood.

Today in 
0118 Hadrian, Rome's new emperor, made his entry into the city.
0455 Avitus, the Roman military commander in Gaul, became 
 Emperor of the West. 
1540 England's King Henry VIII had his 6-month-old marriage 
 to his fourth wife, Anne of Cleves, annulled. 
1609 In a letter to the crown, the emperor Rudolf II granted 
 Bohemia freedom of worship. 
1776 The American Declaration of Independence was read aloud 
 to Gen. George Washington's troops in New York. 
1789 In Versailles, the French National Assembly declared 
 itself the Constituent Assembly and began to prepare a 
 French constitution. 
1790 The Swedish navy captured one third of the Russian 
 fleet at the naval battle of Svensksund in the Baltic Sea. 
1808 The leather-splitting machine was patented by 
 Samuel Parker. 
1816 Argentina declared independence from Spain. 
1847 A 10-hour work day was established for workers in 
 the state of New Hampshire. 
1872 The doughnut cutter was patented by John F. Blondel. 
1877 Alexander Graham Bell, Gardiner Greene Hubbard, 
 Thomas Sanders and Thomas Watson formed the 
 Bell Telephone Company. 
1878 The corncob pipe was patented by Henry Tibbe. 
1900 The Commonwealth of Australia was established by 
 an act of the British Parliament, uniting the separate 
 colonies under a federal government. 
1943 American and British forces made an amphibious 
 landing on Sicily. 
1947 The engagement of Britain's Princess Elizabeth to 
 Lt. Philip Mountbatten was announced. 
1951 U.S. President Truman asked Congress to formally 
 end the state of war between the United States and Germany. 
1953 New York Airways began the first commuter passenger 
 service by helicopter. 
1971 The United States turned over complete responsibility 
 of the Demilitarized Zone to South Vietnamese units. 
1997 Mike Tyson was banned from the boxing ring and fined 
 $3 million for biting the ear of opponent Evander Holyfield. 
2005 Danny Way, a daredevil skateboarder, rolled down a 
 large ramp and jumped across the Great Wall of China. 
 He was the first person to clear the wall without 
 motorized aid.
2015  smiled.


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What are registry errors? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, July 8

Thank you, William

Google self-driving cars had two accidents in June, both caused 
by non-Google humans.
In both incidents, a self-driving test car was rear-ended 
at a stop light. No injuries occurred.

No injuries were reported in either incident, Google said 
in its monthly report that lists accidents involving its 
fleet of autonomous cars. Both collisions involved test 
cars from Google’s fleet of Lexus sport utility vehicles, 
which are equipped with autonomous driving technology. 

Self-driving test cars have a much better record than 
texting humans.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Oklahoma child molester Details at Boneheads Today in 1099 Christian soldiers on the First Crusade march around in Jerusalem. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it. --- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties and nations, it is the rule. --- Friedrich Nietzsche ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An artist asks the gallery owner if there has been any interest in his paintings that are on display. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replies. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "The guy was your doctor." ______________________________________________________ A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum." The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?" "No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does." ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for using a picture, that has been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that somebody will demand payment AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make of the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin Award has been earned by Eric Sean Absher, 40, Duncan, Oklahoma
Oklahoma mom walks in on man molesting children, beats him with pool stick An Oklahoma man was arrested after a mom walked in on him molesting four of her young children and beat him with a pool stick, police said. Eric Sean Absher, 40, was captured two days after the woman discovered him forcibly touching her sons and daughters, all under the age of 12, in her bedroom in Duncan on Wednesday, the Stephens County Sheriff's Office said. The woman, who had been in the next room, "became enraged" and hit Absher with a nearby pool stick and chased him out of the home, police told the Lawton Constitution. "He was able to stop a passerby saying 'this woman was crazy.' Not knowing what had just occurred, that guy takes him away from the scene," Sheriff Wayne McKinney told KSWO. Absher later told the driver that the situation was a misunderstanding after one of the children grabbed him, leaving his penis exposed accidentally, Deputy Jason Riggle said. A 6-year-old girl told police "'the bad guy' choked her with his 'bad spot'" and made her perform oral sex, according to an affidavit. "There's not any more serious of a crime, in my opinion, against humanity to molest a small child. We are talking 4-, 5- and 6-year-olds," McKinney said. Tips from the public led authorities to find Absher and arrest him Friday as he wore a shirt saying, "Has anyone told you today that JESUS loves you?" He was charged with five felony counts of lewd acts with a child under 12 on Tuesday. He could face life in prison if convicted. Police did not say why he was in the woman's home in the first place. Absher was out on bond at the time of his arrest after he had exposed himself to a 5-year-old girl and forced her to touch him in February, police told the Lawton Constitution. He was also wanted on a forgery charge. "He's a very dangerous individual, especially to children, and I think he's proved that," McKinney said.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bonnie Re: what are Registry Errors? Dear Webby what are Registry Errors? I run a program called Auslogics Registry Cleaner every day or so and it shows me registry errors to repair... why? does it improve speed or connectivity? thanks - love your daily newsletter... Richie Dear Richie I could write pages about that and really confuse you. What it all boils down to, is this: Registry errors are often a sign of some kind of infection or setup problem, or Windows malfunction. They can be due to improperly UNinstalled programs or due to hastily nuked infections. Regardless of what caused them, they do slow things down, and it is a good idea to fix them. Most registry fixers are a hoax and just report fake errors, and then pretend to fix those. Those fixers won't make a difference in performance and speed. The ones, that actually make a difference, like Uniblue, see the link below here, often have a free trial version, that will let you see first hand, how effective they are. I also use PC-Mechanic, which has some handy extra utilities included. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Sara, it is OK to let your mind go blank, but please turn off the sound. ______________________________________________________ A man walks into an animal hospital with a gigantic parrot and asks to have the bird's beak and wings trimmed. The owner warns the veterinarian's assistant that the bird dislikes these procedures and is apt to bite. The assistant puts on thick gloves and cautiously opens the cage. The parrot steps out, then looks up at the wary assistant. "Don't worry," the parrot squawks, "this won't hurt a bit, ...... and you wanted a vasectomy anyway." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mosquito Trap Today, I made two mosquito traps from soda bottles. I did not have any black construction paper but did have black ground cloth. I cut a piece to cover the bottle and stapled the fabric on the bottom so it would sit flat. This should last longer than paper. Using duct tape, I secured the fabric and the two pieces of the bottle. Now I am ready to see how many mosquitoes I trap today. By Angela R. W. [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ According to statistics, last year over 19 million American families paid a lot of money for things that looked funny and didn't work. Seven million of these were antiques; the rest were college students. _____________________________________________________ A young man from the city goes to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle shows him the usual things, the livestock, the crops. After three days, however, it is obvious that the nephew is getting bored, and the uncle is running out of things to amuse him with. Finally, the uncle has an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?" This seems to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm, off he goes. After a few hours, the nephew returns. "How did you enjoy that?" his uncle asks. "It was great," the nephew says. "I kinda like those dogs, so I took the cats instead. Got any more cats?" ____________________________________________________
From fierce dragons to rabbits, the amazing things this man can make out of driftwood are awesome.

Today in 
1099 Christian soldiers on the First Crusade march around 
 in Jerusalem. 
1608 The first French settlement at Quebec was established 
 by Samuel de Champlain. 
1663 King Charles II of England granted a charter to 
 Rhode Island. 
1709 Peter the Great defeated Charles XII at Poltava, 
 in the Ukraine, The Swedish empire was effectively ended. 
1755 Britain broke off diplomatic relations with France as 
 their disputes in the New World intensified. 
1794 French troops captured Brussels, Belgium. 
1815 Louis XVIII returned to Paris after the defeat of
 Napoleon. 
1865 C.E. Barnes patented the machine gun. 
1879 The first ship to use electric lights departed from 
 San Francisco, CA. 
1881 Edward Berner, druggist in Two Rivers, WI, poured 
 chocolate syrup on ice cream in a dish. To this time 
 chocolate syrup had only been used for making ice-cream 
 sodas. 
1889 John L. Sullivan defeated Jake Kilrain, in the last 
 championship bare-knuckle fight. The fight lasted 75 rounds. 
1950 General Douglas MacArthur was named commander-in-chief 
 of United Nations forces in Korea. 
1960 The Soviet Union charged Gary Powers with espionage. He 
 was shot down in a U-2 spy plane. 
1963 All Cuban-owned assets in the United States were frozen. 
1981 The Solar Challenger became the frist solar-powered 
 airplane to cross the English Channel. 
1986 Kurt Waldheim was inaugurated as president of Austria 
 despite controversy over his alleged ties to Nazis when 
 he was a youngster.
1997 The Mayo Clinic and the U.S. government warned that the 
 diet-drug combination known as "fen-phen" could cause serious 
 heart and lung damage. 
1997 NATO invited Poland, Hungary, and the Czech Republic to 
 join the alliance in 1999. 
2010 The Solar Impulse completed the first 24-hour flight by a 
 solar powered plane.  
2015  smiled.


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How to forward the picture? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, July 7

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Maine man, who died after igniting fireworks on his head Details at Boneheads Today in 1846 U.S. annexation of California was proclaimed at Monterey after the surrender of a Mexican garrison. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ We live in a Newtonian world of Einsteinian physics ruled by Frankenstein logic. --- David Russell The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other. --- Will Rogers ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Here is an explanation of the school homework policy: Students should not spend more than 90 minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner: 15 minutes looking for assignment. 11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment. 23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children. 8 minutes in the bathroom. 10 minutes getting a snack. 7 minutes checking the TV Guide. 6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment. 10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment. ______________________________________________________ Did you hear about the constipated Mexican Ghost? He was full of sheet. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Victor for this one: Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for using a picture, that has been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that somebody will demand payment AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make of the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin Award has been earned by Devon Staples, 22, Calais, Maine
Man killed after igniting fireworks on his head A former Walt Disney World employee has died after igniting fireworks on his head, multiple news outlets reported Sunday. Authorities said Devon Staples, 22, of Calais, Maine, was drinking at a party Saturday when he lit a fireworks mortar tube on his head, according to The Associated Press. He died instantly. "When he suggested he was going to do this, his friends gathered around him and they thought they had convinced him not to do it," Maine Department of Public Safety spokesman Stephen McCausland told the Bangor Daily News. But Staples' brother, Cody, who witnessed the incident, told the New York Daily News that Devon was just holding a lighter near the fireworks, causing them to accidentally fire. When the mortar went off into his head, he died instantly.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bonnie Re: How to send on the picture? Dear Webby I love the picture in today's humor letter & would like to send it to some friends who would get a real laugh from it too. How can I send it on? I am a technology impaired senior citizen, so please make it simple. Your new color combination is wonderful. Very easy on the eyes. Keep up the good work. My day wouldn't be complete without a giggle or two from you. Thanks a lot. Have a great day. Bonnie Dear Bonnie You can simply forward the Humor Letter to your friends, or you can send them a link to where it is on-line: http://webby.com/humor That web address is also easy enough to remember, so that you can read the humor letter at any library or cyber cafe while travelling, and let the real letter continue to go to your home address. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Tony and John met for the first time in twenty years. "So, how's life been for you?" Tony asked. "Not too good," John replied. "My first wife died of cancer, my second wife turned out to be a lesbian and ran off with another woman and took all our savings, my son's in prison for trying to kill me, my daughter got run over by a bus, my house was hit by a low-flying aircraft, my vintage car rolled off the dockside into the sea, I had to have my dog put down recently, my doctor says that I have an incurable disease and to cap it all my business has just gone bust." "Oh dear, that sounds terrible." Tony said. "What business were you in?" "I sell lucky charms," said John. ______________________________________________________ A loaded minivan pulls into the only remaining campsite. Four children leap from the vehicle and begin feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rush to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils. A nearby camper marvels to the youngsters' father, "That, sir, is some display of teamwork." "I have a system," says the father. "No one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Checking Eggs for Freshness We have 2 chickens and the eggs can stack up quickly sometimes. We collect our eggs in a basket on the counter. Then when the basket gets full, we put them into a sink full of water (at least a few inches above the eggs) to check their freshness and clean them. It's very easy to tell: If it FLOATS, it's bad and should be thrown out. If it STANDS ON END in the bottom of the sink, it's getting old and should be used first. If it LAYS ON ITS SIDE, it's great and very fresh. By lalala... ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Trigonometry for farmers: swine and cowswine. _____________________________________________________ Porridge: Budget conscious parent will tell you that it is a traditional, nutritious, lovingly prepared hot cereal breakfast dish. Kids will tell you that the name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE." ____________________________________________________
Dogs are awesome!

Today in 
1846 U.S. annexation of California was proclaimed at 
 Monterey after the surrender of a Mexican garrison. 
1862 The first railroad post office was tested on the 
 Hannibal and St. Joseph Railroad in Missouri. 
1885 G. Moore Peters patented the cartridge-loading machine. 
1917 Aleksandr Kerensky formed a provisional government 
 in Russia. 
1920 A device known as the radio compass was used for the 
 first time on a U.S. Navy airplane near Norfolk, VA. 
1930 Construction began on Boulder Dam, later Hoover Dam, 
 on the Colorado River. 
1937 Japanese forces invaded China. 
1950 The U.N. Security Council authorized military aid 
 for South Korea. 
1969 Canada's House of Commons gave final approval to a 
 measure that made the French language equal to English 
 throughout the national government. 
1983 Eleven-year-old Samantha Smith of Manchester, Maine, 
 left for a visit to the Soviet Union at the personal 
 invitation of Soviet leader Yuri V. Andropov. 
1994 Amazon.com, Inc. was founded in Seattle, Washington 
 under the name "Cadabra." 
1998 A jury in Santa Monica, CA, convicted Mikail Markhasev 
 of murdering Ennis Cosby, Bill Cosby's only son, during 
 a roadside robbery. 
2000 Cisco Systems Inc. announced that it would buy 
 Netiverse Inc. for $210 million in stock. It was the 13th 
 time Cisco had purchased a company in 2000. 
2000 Amazon.com announced that they had sold almost 400,000 
copies of "Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire," making it 
 the biggest selling book in e-tailing history. 
2015  smiled.


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Printer for all machines 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, July 6

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Texan admits he killed his wife to 'Stop her talking' Details at Boneheads Today in 1885 Louis Pasteur successfully tested his anti-rabies vaccine. The child used in the test later became the director of the Pasteur Institute. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles. --- Frank Lloyd Wright (1869 - 1959) Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. --- Maryon Pearson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Just before our first long deployment, two Navy buddies and I were talking about the stress of leaving our families. A senior officer, a veteran of many deployments, overheard our conversation and offered the following advice: "You must be sensitive to your wives' emotional needs," he said. "Never, ever, whistle while you pack!" ______________________________________________________ A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger were unconscious and being attended to by an ambulance crew. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said, "I wish you could talk." The monkey looked up at the officer and nodded his head up and down. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer. Again, the monkey nodded his head up and down. "Well, did you see this?" "Yes," motioned the monkey. "What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth. "They were drinking beer?" asked the officer. The monkey nods his head "Yes." "What else?" The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth. "They were smoking marijuana?" The monkey nods his head "Yes." "What else?" The monkey motioned "kissing." "They were kissing, too?" asked the astounded officer. The monkey nods his head "Yes." "Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and kissing before they wrecked." The monkey nods his head "Yes." "What were you doing during all this?" ......."Driving" motioned the monkey. ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for using a picture, that has been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that somebody will demand payment AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make of the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin Award has been earned by Jonathan Edelen, 34 Dallas, Texas
Man Admits He Killed His Wife To 'Stop her talking' A Texas man has confessed to smothering his wife with a pillow to "keep her quiet," according to reports. Jonathan Edelen, 34, told an officer to "put the cuffs on me and take me to jail," The Dallas Morning News reported. "I killed my wife,” Edelen told Dallas police, according to the Morning News. Edelen is now charged with murder in the death of Ceaira Ford, 28. Edelen told authorities that he and Ford argued Monday night after they purchased some marijuana and went to the grocery store. According to CBS Dallas-Fort Worth: Edelen complained that his wife wouldn’t stop talking. He picked up their television and took it onto the patio to destroy it so she would quiet down. When that didn’t work, Edelen said he put his hand over her mouth and she flipped over the patio railing onto a grassy area below. The fight then moved to the bedroom, where Edelen allegedly held a pillow over Ford's face until she stopped talking. Edelen did not call police until early Wednesday, according to NBC Dallas-Fort Worth. He confessed and was arrested some time after. He is charged with murder, with bond set at $500,000, according to jail records.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Dani Re: Laser for all computers? Dear Webby I hope all is well with you. Will Laser Printers work with all computers? I have Window 7. Thanks, Dani Dear Dani Yes, they work with all computers and all operating sytems. A few Billion of them are used on Windows XP and W7 machines. A word of caution: Check the cost of replacement cartridges! For example, Staples sometimes sells a color laser printer for under $100, but expects you to pay $149 each for the 4 toner replacement cartridges. EACH. Drop THAT on their toes! Overall I found DELL to be a good and reliable deal for printers. They don't make them. They just sell them. Often they are the same machine as what Xerox sells, and use the same toner cartridges. Just different label on the machine. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ "Look at ME!" boasted a man to a group of young people. "Every morning I do fifty push-ups, fifty sit- ups and walk two miles. I'm fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why? I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't stay up late, and I don't chase after women!" He smiled at them, teeth white, eyes glittering, "And tomorrow, I'm going to celebrate my 45th birthday!" "Oh, really?" drawled one of the young onlookers, "How, with a bran muffin ? ______________________________________________________ That reminds me: A clerk in a bakery notices a customer carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. "What would you like?" the clerk asks. "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish," the customer says. With a sigh he adds, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Checking Eggs for Freshness We have 2 chickens and the eggs can stack up quickly sometimes. We collect our eggs in a basket on the counter. Then when the basket gets full, we put them into a sink full of water (at least a few inches above the eggs) to check their freshness and clean them. It's very easy to tell: If it FLOATS, it's bad and should be thrown out. If it STANDS ON END in the bottom of the sink, it's getting old and should be used first. If it LAYS ON ITS SIDE, it's great and very fresh. By lalala... ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ "That new girl in the typing pool is driving me crazy!" bemoaned Rich to Ernie. "That girl is a real mirage." "Aren't you using the wrong word?" asked Ernie. "A mirage is something you can see but that isn't quite all there." "Yeah," came the reply "That describes her exactly!" _____________________________________________________ The first week they were married Mick gave his wife almost all his wages for that week, except for fifty pence, which he kept for himself. The next pay-day his wife said to him "Mick, it must have been hard to manage on fifty pence for the week, I don't know how you did it." "You will" he said grimly, "It's your turn to have fifty pence this week." ____________________________________________________
The amazing, hardy people of Mongolia.

Today in 
1483 King Richard III of England was crowned. 
1699 Captain William Kidd, the pirate, was captured in 
 Boston, MA, and deported back to England. 
1777 British forces captured Fort Ticonderoga during the 
 American Revolution. 
1858 Lyman Blake patented the shoe manufacturing machine. 
1885 Louis Pasteur successfully tested his anti-rabies 
 vaccine. The child used in the test later became the director 
 of the Pasteur Institute. 
1905 Fingerprints were exchanged for the first time between 
 officials in Europe and the U.S. The person in question was 
 John Walker.
1917 During World War I, Arab forces led by T.E. Lawrence 
 captured the port of Aqaba from the Turks. 
1919 A British dirigible landed in New York at Roosevelt 
 Field. It completed the first crossing of the Atlantic 
 Ocean by an airship. 
1923 The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics was established. 
1966 Malawi became a republic within the Commonwealth with 
 Dr. Hastings Banda as its first president. 
1967 The Biafran War erupted. The war lasted two-and-a-half 
 years. About 600,000 people died. 
1981 Former President of Argentina Isabel Peron was freed 
 after five years of house arrest by a federal court. 
1981 The Dupont Company announced an agreement to purchase 
 Conoco, Inc. (Continental Oil Co.) for $7 billion. At the 
 time it was the largest merger in corporate history. 
1983 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that retirement plans could 
 not pay women smaller monthly payments solely because of 
 their gender. 
1988 Several popular beaches were closed in New York City 
 due to medical waste and other debris began washing up on 
 the seashores. 
1989 The U.S. Army destroyed its last Pershing 1-A missiles 
 at an ammunition plant in Karnack, TX. The dismantling was 
 under the terms of the 1987 Intermediate-range Nuclear 
 Forces Treaty. 
1997 The Mars Pathfinder released Sojourner, a robot rover 
 on the surface of Mars. The spacecraft landed on the red 
 planet on July 4th. 
1997 In Cambodia, Second Prime Minister Hun Sen ousted First 
 Prime Minister Norodom Ranariddh and claimed to have the 
 capital under his control. 
1998 Protestants rioted in many parts of Northern Ireland 
 after British authorities blocked an Orange Order march 
 in Portadown. 
2000 A jury awarded former NHL player Tony Twist $24 million 
 for the unauthorized use of his name in the comic book 
 Spawn and the HBO cartoon series. Co-defendant HBO settled 
 with Twist out of court for an undisclosed amount. 
2015  smiled.


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Is there a Laser for all computers? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, July 5

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Texan jumped into bayou at night, with predictable results Alligator killed him. Details at Boneheads Today in 1865 William Booth founded the Salvation Army in London. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. --- Truman Capote (1924 - 1984) For every person who wants to teach there are approximately thirty people who don't want to learn--much. -- W. C. Sellar and R. J. Yeatman ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Gotta love them Southern boys. We visited Raleigh, NC, where a state cop stopped a drunken driver. While he was ticketing the man, there was a multi-car accident on the other side of the divided highway. The highway patrolman told the drunk to wait. The patrolman went across the highway to sort out the accident. After awhile the drunk figured he'd waited long enough and he drove on home and told his wife that if anybody asked she should say he had been in bed with the flu all day. Within the hour, two state patrolmen appeared at the home of the drunken driver and asked to see him. He came from the bedroom wrapped in a robe and coughing and wheezing. The patrolman asked if he'd been drinking that evening, and he said he'd been sick in bed. They apologized for bothering him and asked if they could take a look at his car. The drunk escorted them to the garage and inside was - a highway patrol car, the blue lights still flashing. ______________________________________________________ A shoplifter is caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Listen," says the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble. What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?" The manager agrees, writes up the sales slip and hands it to the would-be thief. The crook looks at the slip and says, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?" ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for using a picture, that has been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that somebody will demand payment AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make of the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Walter, the Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin Award has been earned by Tommie Woodward, 28 Burkart's Marina, Texas
Man mocks alligators, jumps into the water and is killed A man who apparently mocked alligators, then jumped into the water -- despite warning signs -- is dead after being attacked in Texas. Orange County Police were called to Burkart's Marina near the Louisiana state line early Friday morning after reports that Tommie Woodward, 28, and an unidentified woman were swimming in a bayou and had been attacked by a large alligator. Woodward's body was found several hours later. The woman was not injured. Orange County Justice of the Peace Rodney Price told CNN affiliate KFDM that Woodward ignored verbal warnings and a posted "No Swimming Alligators" sign and seemed to mock the deadly creatures before going in the water. "He removed his shirt, removed his billfold ... someone shouted a warning and he said '@#$% the alligators' and jumped in to the water and almost immediately yelled for help," Price said. The "No Swimming Alligators" sign was posted this week after a 10-foot alligator was spotted in the bayou waters. Witness heard 'An alligator's got him' "Please do not go swimming, there's a bigger alligator out here. Just please stay out of the water," witness and marina employee Michelle Wright said she told Woodward. She said the next thing she heard was the woman screaming, "An alligator's got him." Wright said she used a flashlight in the darkness to scan the water. In an emotional interview with KFDM, Wright said, "I saw his body floating face down. And then he's out there for a couple of seconds and then he's dragged back down. And then he comes back up still face down and then he gets pulled down again. And then he just disappears." Wright, who said she knew the victim and his family, said it was a moment she would never forget. She described the events that started out as a late night swim as "heartbreaking." Woodward had recently moved to the area from St. Louis with his twin brother and was working at a nearby shipyard. 'If the sun is down, stay out of the water' Alligators are predatory and territorial. According to Texas Parks and Wildlife, the creature "will eat anything it can catch," and should be treated with caution. "If the sun is down, stay out the water. That's when they're eating. That's when they're hunting," alligator expert Arlie Hammonds told the affiliate. Although there have been numerous fatal alligator attacks in Florida, the Orange County attack may be the first of its kind in Texas.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Dani Re: Laser for all computers? Dear Webby I hope all is well with you. Will Laser Printers work with all computers? I have Window 7. Thanks, Dani Dear Dani Yes, they work with all computers and all operating sytems. A few Billion of them are used on Windows XP and W7 machines. A word of caution: Check the cost of replacement cartridges! For example, Staples sometimes sells a color laser printer for under $100, but expects you to pay $149 each for the 4 toner replacement cartridges. EACH. Drop THAT on their toes! Overall I found DELL to be a good and reliable deal for printers. They don't make them. They just sell them. Often they are the same machine as what Xerox sells, and use the same toner cartridges. Just different label on the machine. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A mother and father are talking about how to improve the behavior of their seemingly incorrigible son. "Maybe we should buy him a bike for his birthday," the mother suggests. "Do you really believe that will help improve his behavior?" her husband asks. "Well, no," she admits. "But it would spread the damage over a wider area." ______________________________________________________ Two young women -- best friends -- try to do everything together. One day, one announces that she is going to start a diet to lose the pounds she has recently gained. "Good," the other exclaims. "I'm ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. And when I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I'll call you first." "Great," the first woman replies. "I'll ride with you. Let's go to Burger King." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Key Hook from Binder Clip Keys hanging from a binder clip. I recently found some keys from my roommate's yard sale stash. I was looking around and found one of these wonderful binder clips on a shelf unit. I flipped up the top and voila', instant key hook. By Sandi/Poor But Proud ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100." The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the money!" _____________________________________________________ One day, Little Johnny visited a doctor for a vaccination. After the doctor gave him an injection, he tried to bandage Little Johnny's arm. "I think you'd better bandage the other arm", said Little Johnny. "But, why? I'm supposed to bandage the injected part of your arm to let your friends know not to touch it." "Doc, you really don't have a clue about how those idiots behave!" ____________________________________________________
Great idea, wood pallet floors!

Today in 
1806 A Spanish army repelled the British during their attempt 
 to retake Buenos Aires, Argentina. 
1811 Venezuela became the first South American country to 
 declare independence from Spain. 
1830 France occupied the North African city of Algiers. 
1832 The German government began curtailing freedom of the 
 press after German Democrats advocate a revolt against 
 Austrian rule. 
1839 British naval forces bombarded Dingai on Zhoushan 
 Island in China and then occupied it. 
1863 U.S. Federal troops occupied Vicksburg, MS, and 
 distributed supplies to the citizens. 
1865 William Booth founded the Salvation Army in London. 
1865 The U.S. Secret Service Division was created to 
 combat currency counterfeiting, forging and the altering 
 of currency and securities.. 
1892 Andrew Beard was issued a patent for the rotary engine. 
1916 Adelina and August Van Buren started on the first 
 successful transcontinental motorcycle tour to be attempted 
 by two women. They started in New York City and arrived in 
 San Diego, CA, on September 12, 1916. 
1935 U.S. President Roosevelt signed the National Labor 
 Relations Act into law. The act authorized labor to organize 
 for the purpose of collective bargaining. 
1940 During World War II, Britain and the Vichy government 
 in France broke diplomatic relations. 
1941 German troops reached the Dnieper River in the Soviet Union. 
1943 The battle of Kursk began as German tanks attack the 
 Soviet salient. It was the largest tank battle in history. 
1946 The bikini bathing suit, created by Louis Reard, made 
 its debut during a fashion show at the Molitor Pool in Paris. 
 Micheline Bernardini wore the two-piece outfit. 
1950 U.S. forces engaged the North Koreans for the first time 
 at Osan, South Korea. 
1951 Dr. William Shockley announced that he had invented the 
 junction transistor. 
1962 Algeria became independent after 132 years of French rule. 
1984 The U.S. Supreme Court weakened the 70-year-old 
 "exclusionary rule," deciding that evidence seized with 
 defective court warrants could be used against defendants 
 in criminal trials. 
1991 Regulators shut down the Pakistani-managed Bank of Credit 
 and Commerce International (BCCI) in eight countries. The 
 charge was fraud, drug money laundering and illegal 
 infiltration into the U.S. banking system. 
1998 Japan joined U.S. and Russia in space exploration with 
 the launching of the Planet-B probe to Mars. 
2000 Jordanian security agents shot and killed a Syrian hijacker 
 after he threw a grenade that exploded and wounded 15 passengers 
 aboard a Royal Jordanian airliner. 
2000 Euan Blair, the oldest son of British prime minister 
 Tony Blair, was arrested after police found him drunk and 
 lying on the ground in London's Leicester Square. 
2015  smiled.


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Humor: Wall Soap 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, July 4

Happy Independence Day!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


ths
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Chicago man killed girlfriend and bragged about it on Facebook Details at Boneheads Today in 1776 The amended Declaration of Independence, prepared by Thomas Jefferson, was approved and signed by John Hancock, the President of the Continental Congress in America. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them. --- Galileo Galilei (1564 - 1642) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The factory of the future will have two employees, a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog, and the dog will be there to keep the man from touching the computers. ______________________________________________________ A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill." ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for using a picture, that has been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that somebody will demand payment AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make of the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by James E. Thomas, 49 Chicago, Illinois
Just days before the killing, police officers transported James E. Thomas, 49, to Stroger Hospital for a mental evaluation, police said. Thomas is now charged with first-degree murder and aggravated assault to a peace officer with a weapon. Thomas posted on Vanessa Taylor's Facebook page: " My gitlfriend was part. Of the mob she came to kill me so i killed her " After that, police found Vanessa V. Taylor, 49, unresponsive at about 2:30 a.m. Tuesday in the apartment she shared with Thomas in the 4300 block of W. Flournoy. She had been strangled with a computer cord, police said. Police had responded to another disturbance at the apartment, Sunday night. Thomas was not arrested at that time but was transported to Stroger Hospital for a mental evaluation, police said. He was released from the hospital the next day and less than 24 hours later Taylor was dead, according to the couple’s landlord, Jana Hardwick.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: DJ Re: Soap Dear Webby could you ask linda where she found that soap. there's nothing like that in milwaukee DJ Hi DJ You can go to thriftyfun.com and post feedback to Lina D http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning-Nico ... lls-3.html At the bottom of that. Also, Dr Bronner does have a site: https://www.drbronner.com/DBMS/category/ALMOND.html and the more expensive vegetarian stores will probably have it. Be aware, though, that fancy Castille Almond stuff is extremely expensive! $64 per gallon ! You can accomplish the same with Simple Green from the automotive care products isle at Home Depot or Walmart. TSP from the paint products isle works too. With Simple Green and TSP you dilute them with water. Be aware that if you toss the used wash water when using TSP out onto your lawn, you will get a darker green splotch. That TSP used to be the active part of laundry soap and dish soap, and caused vegetation in rivers and canals to become a real problem by the late 60's. Since the early 70's many laundry detergents advertise "No phospates!", meaning "No TSP". Painters and professional cleaners still use the stuff, and you can too. Just don't keep using it for laundry all year long and other stuff once your walls are clean. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ David's wife was mad at him, because he forgot her birthday. Quick-witted, David said, "But how do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?" ______________________________________________________ One day a man called the church office. He said, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?" The secretary thought she heard what he said, but said, "I'm sorry, who?" The caller repeated, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?" She said, "Well, if you mean the preacher, then you may refer to him as 'Pastor,' or 'Brother,' but I prefer that you not refer to him as the 'head hog at the trough'!" To this the man replied, "Well, I was planning on giving $100,000 to the building fund...." To this the secretary quickly responded "Hang on, I think the big fat pig just waddled in!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vinegar Fruit Fly Trap To catch fruit flies in the house, I keep apple cider vinegar in a couple of 6 ounce jelly jars placed around the house and accessible all the time. I like the jar idea because the plastic is held in place with a jar band. The container is small and can easily be placed in any area of the house. To make this trap, fill about 1/3 or the jar with apple cider vinegar. Cover it with plastic wrap and screw the jar band on. Punch a small hole in the middle of the plastic on top. Trim off the excess plastic wrap on outside of jar. The fruit fly goes in and can't get out. By Litter Gitter [123] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ At one point in my life I had considered joining the Baptist Church. For those of you who don't know, the Baptists practice total body immersion to baptize a person. Luckily I even knew a minister in that faith, having dated his daughter, and I asked him if he would consider performing the service. He paused a minute or two, gave me a long thoughtful look and said, "If you're serious about this, a dipping just won't do it for you. We'll have to find a place to anchor you overnight." _____________________________________________________ Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't eat. And then there are those of us who consider a recipe as an approximate starting point for wild experiments and wacky changes, and who get impatient when other people can't get the same delicious results when they follow a simple recipe. ____________________________________________________
The many shades of red hair.

Today in 
1776 The amended Declaration of Independence, prepared by 
 Thomas Jefferson, was approved and signed by John Hancock, 
 the President of the Continental Congress in America. 
1803 The Louisiana Purchase was announced in newspapers. 
 The property was purchased, by the U.S. from France, was 
 for $15 million (or 3 cents an acre). The "Corps of 
 Discovery," led by Meriwether Lewis and William Clark, 
 began the exploration of the territory on May 14, 1804. 
1817 Construction began on the Erie Canal, to connect 
 Lake Erie and the Hudson River. 
1845 American writer Henry David Thoreau began his 
 two-year experiment in simple living at Walden Pond, 
 near Concord, MA. 
1884 Bullfighting was introduced in the U.S. in Dodge City, KS. 
1886 The first US rodeo in America was held at Prescott, AZ. 
1892 The first double-decked street car service was 
 inaugurated in San Diego, CA. 
1894 After seizing power, Judge Stanford B. Dole declared 
 Hawaii a republic. 
1901 William H. Taft became the American governor of the 
 Philippines. 
1910 Race riots broke out all over the United States after 
 African-American Jack Johnson knocked out Jim Jeffries 
 in a heavyweight boxing match. 
1934 Boxer Joe Louis won his first professional fight. 
1934 At Mount Rushmore, George Washington's face was 
 dedicated. 
1946 The Philippines achieved full independence for the 
 first time in over four hundred years. 
1960 The 50-star U.S. flag made its debut in Philadelphia, PA. 
1966 U.S. President Johnson signed the Freedom of 
 Information Act, which went into effect the following year. 
1982 The Soviets performed a nuclear test at Eastern Kazakhl 
 Semipalitinsk. 
1987 Klaus Barbie, the former Gestapo chief known as the 
 "Butcher of Lyon," was convicted by a French court of 
 crimes against humanity and sentenced to life in prison. 
1997 The Mars Pathfinder, an unmanned spacecraft, landed 
 on Mars. A rover named Sojourner was deployed to gather 
 data about the surface of the planet. 
1997 Ferry service between Manhattan and Staten Island 
 was made free of charge. Previously, the charge had 
 ranged from 5 cents to 50 cents. 
2005 NASA's Deep Impact spacecraft took pictures as a 
 space probe smashed into the Tempel 1 comet. The mission 
 was aimed at learning more about comets that formed 
 from the leftover buidling blocks of the solar system. 
 The Deep Impact mission launched on January 12, 2005. 
2009 North Korea launched seven ballistic missiles into 
 waters off its east coast that defied U.N. resolutions. 
2009 The Statue of Liberty's crown reopened to visitors. 
 It had been closed to the public since 2001. 
2015  smiled.


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Gas from printer 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, July 3
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you, Lynn!!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Geporgia man, who put Roundup in a coworker's water. Details at Boneheads Today in 1790 In Paris, the marquis of Condorcet proposed granting civil rights to women. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm. --- Vince Lombardi The best way to become acquainted with a subject is to write a book about it. --- Benjamin Disraeli "I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him." --- Galileo Galilei (1564-1642) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Moe A Retired Person's Perspective: 1. I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out. 2. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now. 3. You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she's probably ticked. 4. Gone are the days when girls cooked like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers. 5. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you've just met? That's common sense leaving your body. 6. I don't like making plans for the day because, then, the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom. 7. I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes 1,500 days in a row. 8. I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it 'the Jim'. I feel so much better saying I went to 'the Jim' this morning. 9. Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers: If you find one, what's your plan? 10. Everyone has a right to be stupid. Politicians just abuse the privilege. ______________________________________________________ I've noticed the oddest behavior with yuppettes. The only time they won't look in a mirror is when they're pulling out of a parking space. Two Yuppies were discussing their current relationships: "At first she seemed dull and uninteresting, but when you finally get to know her, she's downright boring." ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for using a picture, that has been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that somebody will demand payment AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make of the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Anthony Dunton 65, Acworth, Georgia
Georgia man tried to poison his co-worker MULTIPLE TIMES by putting weedkiller in his water bottle A Georgia man has been arrested after police say he put weed killer in his co-worker's water bottle. Multiple news outlets report Anthony Dunton was arrested Saturday and charged with four counts of aggravated assault after police say he put Roundup weed and grass killer in the victim's water. Acworth police say Dunton's co-worker realized his water tasted funny and foamed when shaken. Police say the co-worker set up a camera in his office and filmed two videos from two different days showing Dunton entering the office, removing the bottle and returning it moments later. The employee alerted management, who alerted police. Authorities arrested Anthony Dunton after an investigation. Dunton's co-worker was not seriously injured, but sought treatment after experiencing kidney pain.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ann Re: Laser gas Dear Webby What kind of gas is released when by Laser printers when they melt the toner into the paper? It's not an offensive smelly gas, but definitely noticeable. What is it? Ann Dear Ann That is just Ozone. The stuff the treehuggers said was getting short and that holes in the ozone layer were letting the sun through and tanning you without having to buy artificial tanning spray. The ozone shortage scare has since then be debunked when they invented other stuff to scare you with. The Ozone in the Laser printer is generated by the high voltage wires. You also smell it after a nearby lightning strike or in a welding shop. In small quantities like that it is totally harmless. Ozone is also used for keeping swimming pools clean, especially if somebody does not like chlorine. You frequently smell a bit of ozone at waterfalls and at the ocean, if you are suddenly get there from far away and your nose is not already bored with it and ignores it. It is quite safe. Don't worry about it. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too cold, then he asked it be turned down because he was too hot, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. Finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest. "Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile. "We don't have an air conditioner anyway." ______________________________________________________ While the US stock market is at an all time high, the ups and downs frighten a lot of small investors like me. Bob went to his financial advisor at the bank and ask if he were worried. He replied that he slept like a baby. Bob was amazed and asked, "Really ??? Even with all the fluctuations?" He said, "Yes. I sleep for a couple of hours, then wake up and cry for a couple of hours." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Nicotine Off Walls Our apartment has been smoked in for 15 years. All walls were originally painted white, but now are a lovely shade of yellow/brown. We decided to stop smoking (yay us!), so now I have begun the arduous task of cleaning walls. I've tried many of the tips here. Great tips all, however, none quite up to the challenge. Last week, I spilled some Dr. Bronner's almond castile soap on my grill. The grease disappeared completely when I wiped it off! Today, I tackled the smallest room. I put the castile soap directly on a Dobie, scrubbed the wall, wiped it with a hot damp microfiber and voila! Came. Right. Off! I didn't even wear gloves, and the smell is fantastic! Next comes the fresh paint! Hope this helps someone. I love this site :) By Lina D [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Bob and his wife have structured conversations: firstly, she gives him her opinion, then she gives him his opinion. _____________________________________________________ A guy walks in a bar, and buys a huge beer. Then he sees someone he knows, and decides to go and say Hi ! to them, but he does not want to take his beer mug with him. So he keeps it on a table, along with a note "I spit in this beer" thinking that no one will have it then. Upon return, he sees it half empty and another note saying "Me too!" ____________________________________________________
Can you hula hoop like this?

Today in 
1608 The city of Quebec was founded by Samuel de Champlain.
1790 In Paris, the marquis of Condorcet proposed granting 
 civil rights to women. 
1844 Ambassador Caleb Cushing successfully negotiated a 
 commercial treaty with China that opened five Chinese ports 
 to U.S. merchants and protected the rights of American 
 citizens in China. 
1863 The U.S. Civil War Battle of Gettysburg, PA, ended 
 after three days. It was a major victory for the North 
 as Confederate troops retreated. 
1871 The Denver and Rio Grande Western Railroad Company 
 introduced the first narrow-gauge locomotive. It was 
 called the "Montezuma." 
1878 John Wise flew the first US dirigible in Lancaster, PA. 
1898 During the Spanish American War, a fleet of Spanish 
 ships in Cuba's Santiago Harbor attempted to run a blockade 
 of U.S. naval forces. Nearly all of the Spanish ships were 
 destroyed in the battle that followed. 
1903 The first cable across the Pacific Ocean was spliced 
 between Honolulu, Midway, Guam and Manila. 
1937 Del Mar race track opened in Del Mar, CA. 
1939 Chic Young’s comic strip character, "Blondie" was first 
 heard on CBS radio. 
1940 Bud Abbott and Lou Costello debuted on NBC radio. 
1944 The U.S. First Army opened a general offensive to break 
 out of the hedgerow area of Normandy, France. 
1944 During World War II, Soviet forces recaptured Minsk. 
1945 The first civilian passenger car built since February 
 1942 was driven off the assembly line at the Ford Motor 
 Company plant in Detroit, MI. Production had been diverted 
 due to World War II. 
1950 U.S. carrier-based planes attacked airfields in the 
 Pyongyang-Chinnampo area of North Korea in the first 
 air-strike of the Korean War. 
1954 Food rationing ended in Great Britain. 
1974 The Threshold Test Ban Treaty was signed, prohibiting 
 underground nuclear weapons tests with yields greater than 
 150 kilotons. Nobody limited their tests.
1981 The Associated Press ran its first story about two rare 
 illnesses afflicting homosexual men. One of the diseases 
 was later named AIDS. 
1986 U.S. President Reagan presided over a ceremony in New 
 York Harbor that saw the relighting of the renovated Statue 
 of Liberty. 
1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush formally inaugurated 
 the Mount Rushmore National Memorial in South Dakota. 
2015  smiled.


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How does a laser printer work? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, July 2

TV Land pulls reruns of 'Dukes of Hazzard'

Until the hysterical hypocrites in the leftist media stole 
the rebel flag and renamed it back to "confederate flag", 
a name it had long graduated from, it was just the Rebel Flag. 

The Rebel flag is NOT the KKK flag. The KKK always used 
the regular US flag. In all their parades and posturing,
the KKK always had regular US flags.

Since WWII or even before, the flag with the Scottish 
St Andrews Cross was the Rebel Flag.
It stood for rebellion against the feds, authority and just 
general adolescent rebellion, high speed driving, BBQ, and 
the Dukes of Hazard.
Incuding Daisy.



There is a petition against martyring the Dukes at Change.org, 
at an awfully long address, so I made a TinyURL for it:
http://tinyurl.com/SaveTheDukes

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Armed Rick Ross and bodyguard kidnapped and beat up an unarmed victim. Details at Boneheads Today in 1937 American pilot Amelia Earhart disappeared in the Central Pacific during an attempt to fly around the world at the equator. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ People find life entirely too time-consuming. --- Stanislaw J. Lec (1909 - 1966) Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings. --- George Will ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to give their escorts every chance to be gallant. "Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step around and open the door for you." she said. Then, returning to reality, she added, "But... if the big, dumb galoot is in the restaurant flirting at the waitress, don't wait any longer." ______________________________________________________ A famous author was autographing copies of his new novel in a Cleveland department store. One gentleman pleased him by bringing up not only his new book for signature, but reprint editions of his two previous ones as well. "My wife likes your stuff," he remarked apologetically, "I thought I'd give her these signed copies for a birthday present." "A surprise, eh?" hazarded the author. "I'll say," agreed the customer. "She's expecting a new blender." ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for having used a picture, that had been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that somebody will demand payment AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make of the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rick Ross, 39, Fayette County, Georgia
Rapper Rick Ross Arrested on Kidnapping, Assault Charges Rapper Rick Ross is accused of forcing a man into a guesthouse at his suburban-Atlanta mansion and beating him in the head with a handgun, chipping his teeth and mangling his jaw so badly that he's unable to chew food, authorities say in court records. Ross was taken into custody Wednesday by a U.S. Marshals Service fugitive task force and sheriff's deputies at the mansion in Fayette County, south of Atlanta. Ross, 39 — whose real name is William Roberts — was jailed without bail on kidnapping, aggravated assault and aggravated battery charges, said Jim Joyner, a supervisor with the Marshals Service task force. Ross' bodyguard, 42-year-old Nadrian James, faces kidnapping and aggravated battery charges stemming from the same incident, arrest warrants state. The June 7 attack left the man with injuries that included two chipped teeth and a neck injury, authorities said. "The victim lost use of his jaw and is restricted to soft foods and liquid diet only as a result of not being able to chew food," an arrest warrant states. Ross and James are both accused of forcing the man into the guesthouse, down a hallway and into a bedroom, resulting in the kidnapping charges. Both are also accused of assaulting him. Ross also faces an aggravated assault charge involving a Glock handgun. He's accused of using the gun to strike the man in the head and body, and also pointing the weapon at him. "The victim was then questioned under duress and forced to answer questions at gunpoint," one of the arrest warrants states. The court papers do not indicate what led to the attack, nor do they outline the relationship between Ross, the bodyguard and the man who was injured. When officers armed with the arrest warrants showed up at the mansion, once owned by boxer Evander Holyfield, someone inside refused to open the gate leading to the home, authorities said. BOOOM! "They refused to open the gate, so we opened the gate for them," Joyner said. Once officers got past the gate, someone inside opened the front door so they didn't have to break it down too, Joyner said. Ross and the bodyguard were then taken into custody without incident, Joyner said. Ross made an initial appearance before a magistrate judge Wednesday morning and the judge denied bail, Fayette County sheriff's spokesman J. Allen Stevens said. It was second time in the past two weeks Ross has been arrested in Fayette County. On June 10, Ross was booked into the county jail on a misdemeanor charge of marijuana possession. In that case, Ross and a passenger were pulled over because the windows of the Bentley in which they were riding violated tinting regulations, Stevens, the sheriff's spokesman, said at the time. The officer smelled marijuana and found some inside the car, Stevens said. A Florida Department of Corrections spokesman confirmed Wednesday — and Ross has previously said — that he worked as a correctional officer at a Miami prison in the mid-1990s.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Inge Re: Why does Laser ink not go dry? Dear Webby You imply that Laser printers don't mind if you don't use them regularly, and nothing happens if they dry out. How come? How does a Laser printer work? Inge Dear Inge Lasers use a dry powder. A drum is charged with door knob type static electricity, that is discharged wherever the laser beam hits it, as it passes under the lasers. Then the drum turns over the toner trays and where the charge has been discharged, it picks up toner. That used to be accomplished with magnetism and iron powder in the toner, but nowadays they usually just use more static. Then the drum turns very close to the paper, where it is stretched around a roller, and where it is again charged with a different type of static. That causes the toner powder to jump from the drum to the paper. Finally, the paper goes around a heated roller, that melts the toner powder into the fibres of the paper. Sounds confusing? Just remember that the Laser printer toner is a dry waxy powder that is shot at the paper with door knob static and then melted into the paper. Since it is already dry, it won't go bad. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ I was with a friend in a cafe' when a noisy car alarm interrupted our conversation. "What good are car alarms when no one pays any attention to them?" I wondered aloud. "Some are quite effective," my friend corrected me. "Last summer, my teenager spent a lot of time at the neighbors'. Whenever I wanted him home, I'd go out to the driveway and kick his car." ______________________________________________________ >From Connie: If I WISH I WAS A BEAR . . . If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could do that. Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I do that, too. If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers you or your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. And no one tells the cops. Your husband expects you to growl when you wake up. He expects you to have hairy legs and excess body fat. I wish I was a bear. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Nicotine Off Walls Our apartment has been smoked in for 15 years. All walls were originally painted white, but now are a lovely shade of yellow/brown. We decided to stop smoking (yay us!), so now I have begun the arduous task of cleaning walls. I've tried many of the tips here. Great tips all, however, none quite up to the challenge. Last week, I spilled some Dr. Bronner's almond castile soap on my grill. The grease disappeared completely when I wiped it off! Today, I tackled the smallest room. I put the castile soap directly on a Dobie, scrubbed the wall, wiped it with a hot damp microfiber and voila! Came. Right. Off! I didn't even wear gloves, and the smell is fantastic! Next comes the fresh paint! Hope this helps someone. I love this site :) By Lina D [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with George, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy roomed with George and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They asked, 'Man, what happened to you? He said, 'George snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night. ' The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing - hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, 'Man, what happened to you? You look awful!' He said, 'Man, that George shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night .' The third night was Pete's turn. Pete was a big burly ex-Navy man; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. ' Good morning,' he said. They couldn't believe it! They said, 'Man, what happened?' He said, 'Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked George into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. George sat up and watched me all night.' _____________________________________________________ After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for our anniversary. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight." he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams." He spent the night on the couch. ____________________________________________________
I love hummingbirds and go through 10 pounds, or more, of sugar a week to keep them feed during the summer.

Today in 
1298 An army under Albert of Austria defeated and killed 
 Adolf of Nassua near Worms, Germany. 
1625 The Spanish army took Breda, Spain, after nearly a 
 year of siege. 
1644 Lord Cromwell crushed the Royalists at the Battle of 
 Marston Moor near York, England. 
1776 Richard Henry Lee’s resolution that the American 
 colonies "are, and of right ought to be, free and 
 independent States" was adopted by the Continental Congress. 
1850 Prussia agreed to pull out of Schlewig and Holstein, 
 Germany. 
1850 Benjamin Lane patented a gas mask with a breathing 
 apparatus. (Patent US7476 A) 
1857 New York City’s first elevated railroad officially 
 opened for business. 
1858 Czar Alexander II freed the serfs working on imperial 
 lands. 
1937 American pilot Amelia Earhart disappeared in the 
 Central Pacific during an attempt to fly around the 
 world at the equator. 
1939 At Mount Rushmore, Theodore Roosevelt's face was 
 dedicated. 
1944 American bombers, as part of Operation Gardening, 
 dropped land mines, leaflets and bombs on German-
 occupied Budapest. 
1947 An object crashed near Roswell, NM. The U.S. Army 
 Air Force insisted it was a weather balloon, but 
 eyewitness accounts led to speculation that it might 
 have been an alien spacecraft. 
1962 Wal-Mart Discount City opened in Rogers, Arkansas. 
 It was the first Walmart store. 
1967 The U.S. Marine Corps launched Operation Buffalo in 
 response to the North Vietnamese Army's efforts to seize 
 the Marine base at Con Thien. 
1976 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled the death penalty was 
 not inherently cruel or unusual. 
1976 North Vietnam and South Vietnam were reunited. 
1981 Soyuz T-6 returned to Earth. 
1982 Larry Walters ("Lawnchair Larry") took flight in his 
 homeade airship that consisted of a lawnchair with 45 
 helium-filled weather balloons attached to it.
1985 General Motors announced that it was installing 
 electronic road maps as an option in some of its 
 higher-priced cars. 
1995 "Forbes" magazine reported that Microsoft's chairman, 
 Bill Gates, was the worth $12.9 billion, making him the 
 world's richest man. In 1999, he was worth about $77 billion. 
1998 Cable News Network (CNN) retracted a story that alleged 
 that U.S. commandos had used nerve gas to kill American 
 defectors during the Vietnam War. 
2000 In Mexico, Vicente Fox Quesada of the National Action 
 Party (PAN) defeated Francisco Labastida Ochoa of the 
 Institutional Revolutionary Party (PRI) in the presidential 
 election. The PRI had controlled the presidency in Mexico 
 since the party was founded in 1929. 
2015  smiled.


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Ink or Laser printer? When is it time to change? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, July 1

Thank you, David!!

Happy Canada Day! 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Teen, who lead mob in ransacking of Georgia Walmart Details at Boneheads Today in 0051 Vikings started a colony in Newfoundland More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Most of our so-called reasoning consists in finding arguments for going on believing as we already do. --- James Robinson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair. There were plenty of other cars around me going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?" "Ever go fishing?" the policeman asked the man. "Ummm, yeah... so," the startled man replied. The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch ALL the fish?" ______________________________________________________ When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him. "Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!" "Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?" the manager asked. "That's the one!" That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?" "Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his guide dog bit me." ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for having used a picture, that had been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that somebody will demand payment AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make of the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kharron Green, 17, Macon, Georgia
Teen lead mob in ransacking of Georgia Walmart Led by a teenage boy throwing gang signs, a mob of vandals descended on a Walmart store in Georgia early Sunday and trashed the business in a reported attempt to “see how much damage they could cause,” police allege. During the 1:45 AM ransacking of the Walmart in Macon, rioters pulled a patron from an electric wheelchair and dragged him to the floor, according to a Bibb County Sheriff’s Office report. Investigators say that a “crowd of 40-50 individuals consisting of black males and females” were led into the store by Kharron Green, 17, who can be seen on surveillance video “presenting gang signs in the air with his hands.” For about five minutes, Green & Co. ran through store aisles “destroying merchandise and vandalizing the property,” cops reported. Upon arriving at the trashed Walmart, a deputy noted that one aisle was “destroyed and coated with broken merchandise” and that the “length of the store from front to rear was lined with items which had been shattered, destroyed, turned over and thrown about.” Green, pictured above, was arrested at the scene. A Walmart employee interviewed by cops said that he spoke with Green in the store’s parking lot and that the teen “stated that this was a planned event, and that they had planned to see how much damage they could cause.” A Walmart manager estimated the value of damaged merchandise at $2000. While Green refused to identify any of his fellow marauders, he told cops that the group “had all come from a party and are entitled to have a little fun.” Charged with criminal street gang activity, inciting to riot, and criminal damage to property, Green is locked up in the county jail in lieu of $11,200 bond. Citing the ongoing investigation, a sheriff’s spokesperson declined to release Walmart surveillance video of the rampage. Though if investigators have trouble identifying other suspects, the footage could be released in an attempt to generate tips from the public.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ralph Re: Ink or Laser printer? Dear Webby At what kind of volume of printing should I switch from inkjet to a Laser printer? Ralph Dear Ralph Ten pages a day, or more than three day long occasional pauses between printing. Inkjet printers or their cartridges go bad if they are not used every day or at least every second day. With laser printers it makes no difference at all how long they sit unused. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ My wife's grandmother complained to her doctor that she was afraid that her husband was losing his "interest" in her. "When did you first notice this?" the doctor asked. Gram replied, "Last night . . . "And again this morning." ______________________________________________________ After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug and kiss when he left. Later, the wife's roommate commented, "Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Savory Rice Rice is the perfect side dish to dinner in my opinion. It is nutritious, low in fat and very inexpensive. We have it nearly every night. Here is a simple, easy and tasty way to prepare it. Approximate Time: About 50 minutes Yield: About 2 cups Ingredients: 2 cups chicken broth, I used reduced sodium. Vegetable broth would also work nicely. 1 cup brown rice 1 tsp extra virgin olive oil Steps: Add your broth and oil to a pot. Bring to a boil. broth in pan Add rice and reduce to a simmer. Cook about 45 minutes. I add butter and "Bragg's Amino Acids" to the rice before eating, available at most health food stores. It is similar to soy sauce, but even better! It is so healthy, and a little goes a long way. Lot's of flavor! Enjoy! By melissa [154] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A rather pompous executive is to meet with a client he wants to impress. When his secretary calls him on the intercom to tell him the client is in the office, the executive says, "Before you send him in, could you get my broker on the line?" "Yes, sir," the secretary replies over the intercom. "Stock or pawn?" _____________________________________________________ One way for a husband to learn about do-it-yourself is to criticize his wife's housekeeping. ____________________________________________________
AMAZING COCHRANE MURAL THIS IS ABSOLUTELY AWESOME! Look closely by clicking on any part of the mural.

Today in 
0051 Vikings started a colony in Newfoundland
0096 Vespasian, a Roman Army leader, was hailed as a Roman 
 Emperor by the Egyptian legions. 
1543 England and Scotland signed the peace of Greenwich. 
1690 The French defeated the forces of the Grand Alliance 
 at Fleurus in the Netherlands. 
1798 Napoleon Bonaparte took Alexandria, Egypt. 
1847 The U.S. Post Office issued its first adhesive stamps. 
1862 The U.S. Congress established the Bureau of 
 Internal Revenue. 
1863 During the U.S. Civil War, the first day's fighting 
 at Gettysburg began. 
1867 Canada became an independent dominion. 
1874 The Philadelphia Zoological Society zoo opened as the 
 first zoo in the United States. 
1876 Montenegro declared war on the Turks. 
1893 The first bicycle race track in America to be made 
 out of wood was opened in San Francisco, CA. 
1898 During the Spanish-American War, Theodore Roosevelt 
 and his "Rough Riders" waged a victorious assault on 
 San Juan Hill in Cuba. 
1909 Thomas Edison began commercially manufacturing his 
 new "A" type alkaline storage batteries. 
1916 The massive Allied offensive known as the Battle of 
 the Somme began in France. The battle was the first to 
 use tanks. 
1940 In Washington, the Tacoma Narrows Bridge was opened 
 to traffic. The bridge collapsed during a wind storm on 
 November 7, 1940. 
1941 Bulova Watch Company sponsored the first TV commercial 
 in New York City, NY. 
1942 German troops captured Sevestopol, Crimea, in the 
 Soviet Union. 
1943 The U.S. Government began automatically withholding 
 federal income tax from paychecks. 
1946 The U.S. exploded a 20-kiloton atomic bomb near 
 Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Ocean. 
1950 American ground troops arrived in South Korea to stem 
 the tide of the advancing North Korean army. 
1960 Somalia gained its independence from Britain through 
 the unification of Somaliland with Italian Somalia. 
1961 British troops landed in Kuwait to aid against Iraqi 
 threats. 
1961 The first community air-raid shelter was built. The 
 shelter in Boise, ID had a capacity of 1,000 people and 
 family memberships sold for $100 per month. 
1963 The U.S. postmaster introduced the five-digit ZIP code. 
1968 The Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty was signed by 60 
 countries. It limited the spreading of nuclear material 
 for military purposes. On May 11, 1995, the treaty was 
 extended indefinitely. 
1969 Britain's Prince Charles was invested as the Prince 
 of Whales. 
1974 Isavel Peron became the president of Argentina upon 
 the death of her husband, Juan. 
1979 Sony introduced the Walkman. 
1980 "O Canada" was proclaimed the national anthem of Canada. 
1989 The Montreal Protocol, an international treaty, went 
 into effect. It limited the production of ozone-destroying 
 chemicals. 
1991 The Warsaw Pact dissolved. 
1994 Yasser Arafat of the Palestinian Liberation Organization 
 visited the Gaza Strip. 
1997 The sovereignty over Hong Kong was transferred from 
 Great Britain to China. Britain had controlled Hong Kong 
 as a colony for 156 years. 
2003 In Hong Kong, thousands of protesters marched to show 
 their opposition to anti-subversion legislation.
2015  smiled.


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How many pictures can you attach? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, June 30

Happy Canada Day tomorrow! 
Have you got your fireworks? 
In most towns there are public fireworks set off
by professionals. The organized towns have information 
about that on their web site. Ours doesn't.

Check your local bylaws! In many places fireworks 
within town limits are illegal. People set them off anyway,
keeping a watchful eye out for the bylaw cops parading
around in their Chrysler Chargers. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Mom busted for hitting daughter who flushed her pot Details at Boneheads Today in 1908 A meteor explosion in Siberia knocked down trees in a 40-mile radius and struck people unconscious some 40 miles away. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself, but talent instantly recognizes genius. --- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (1859 - 1930) People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs. --- Socratex Man who sink into womans arms soon have arms in womans sink. --- Confucius "Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage." --- H.L. Mencken ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Witte We left the ship at high tide, for a visit to the entertainment section of the island. Later that day, ( tides out ) we returned to the ship, and my companion said, This isn't our ship, ours was much taller. ______________________________________________________ Ted decides to try horseback riding, even though he has had no lessons or prior experience. He mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but Ted begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, he grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. He tries to throw his arms around the horse's neck, but he slides down the side off the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up his frail grip, Ted leaps away from the horse to try to throw himself to safety. Unfortunately, his foot has become entangled in the stirrup and he is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as his head is struck against the ground again and again. As his head is battered against the ground, he is mere moments away from unconsciousness when ... the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to dad for this picture: Clicks through to the big picture Silvretta Lake, an artificial power dam lake at 9000 ft level. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kyle Mullane, 46, Vero Beach, Floriduh
Mom busted for hitting daughter who flushed her pot JUNE 29--A Florida woman battered her daughter after the teenager discovered her mother’s marijuana stash and flushed the pot down the toilet, cops allege. According to an arrest affidavit, Ashley Mullane, 18, last night found the weed on a counter when she went into the kitchen of her family’s Vero Beach home to get a drink. Mullane told cops that she “believed that it belonged to her mother, Kyle Mullane, so she flushed it down the toilet.” When Mullane, 46, saw her child disposing of the pot, she got in the teen’s face and “began to yell at her... and calling her names.” After Ashley told her mother to back off and threatened to dial 911, “her mother slapped her in the face,” investigators report. During police questioning, Kyle Mullane denied striking her daughter, though she acknowledged that the teen “did flush her weed down the toilet.” Mullane added, however, that “it was no big deal because she would just go out and get more.” Since Mullane has a prior domestic battery conviction, she was charged with a felony for hitting her daughter. Mullane’s rap sheet includes prior collars for theft, trespass, and disorderly intoxication.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Megan Re: Attachments Dear Webby How many pictures can I attach to email without having to zip them up? Megan Dear Megan That depends on the size of the pictures and the mail program you use, and your provider. If they are huge originals, send four or less. If they are smaller, then you can send more. Check with the recipient to find out if they got them, and if necessary, send fewer. You can also use DropBox and upload the pictures onto the cloud. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A couple of Redneck hunters in the rural south are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?" ______________________________________________________ At a session with a marriage counselor, the prim English wife snapped at her husband: "That's not true ! I do so enjoy sex !" Then, turning to the counselor, she explained: "But this blimey bloke expects it four or five times a year !" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Warm Leather to Remove Smoke Odor Here is what I did: I heated up the leather article in the oven! My idea is that the tobacco smell arrived by heat and through the air, so maybe it can depart again the same way. To do this, I put the leather item into the oven at the lowest setting (150 degrees F) for about an hour and a half. I opened the oven (and the outside door of the kitchen) several times along the way to let the newly-evaporated tobacco tars and oils escape. And it worked. It worked really well. About 95% of the tobacco smell was gone. There was no detectable "drying out" effect on the natural oils in the leather at all. If there had been, I would have applied replacement oils from a bottle of leather conditioner that I already owned. Hurrah! I'm posting in the hope that this will help someone else with the same problem. By Garry W [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A farmer named O'Rourke lived alone in the countryside with a pet dog which he loved and doted on... After many long years of companionship, the dog finally died so O'Rourke went to the parish priest: "Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the poor creature?" Father Michael replied, "I am so very sorry to hear about your dog's death. But, unfortunately we cannot have services for an animal in the church. However, there's a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they'll do something for the animal." O'Rourke said, "I'll go right now. Do you think $500 is enough to donate for the service?" Father Michael jumped up: "Now, now... why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?" _____________________________________________________ Brother Smith called his bishop and said: "I know today is General Conference but, the 49'ers are in the playoffs. Bishop I am a long- time fan. I've got to watch the 49'ers game on TV." The bishop responds: Brother, that's what VCR's are for." Brother Smith is surprised. "You mean I can tape General Conference?" ____________________________________________________
I like these much better in color.

Today in 
1097 The Crusaders defeated the Turks at Dorylaeum. 
1841 The Erie Railroad rolled out its first passenger train.
1859 Charles Blondin became the first person to cross 
 Niagara Falls on a tightrope. 
1894 Korea declared independence from China and asked for 
 Japanese aid. 
1908 A meteor explosion in Siberia knocked down trees in 
 a 40-mile radius and struck people unconscious some 
 40 miles away. 
1912 Belgian workers went on strike to demand universal 
 suffrage. 
1913 Fighting broke out between Bulgaria and Greece and 
 Spain. It was the beginning of the Second Balkan War. 
1915 During World War I, the Second Battle Artois ended 
 when the French failed to take Vimy Ridge. U.S. President 
1922 Irish rebels in London assassinate Sir Henry Wilson, 
 the British deputy for Northern Ireland. 
1930 France pulled its troops out of Germany’s Rhineland. 
1934 Adolf Hitler purged the Nazi Party by destroying the 
 SA and bringing to power the SS in the "Night of the 
 Long Knives." 
1935 Fascists caused an uproar at the League of Nations 
 when Haile Selassie of Ethiopia speaks. 
1936 Margaret Mitchell’s book, "Gone with the Wind," 
 was published. 
1950 U.S. President Harry Truman ordered U.S. troops into 
 Korea and authorizes the draft. 
1951 On orders from Washington, General Matthew Ridgeway 
 broadcasts that the United Nations was willing to discuss 
 an armistice with North Korea. 
1953 The first Corvette rolled off the Chevrolet assembly 
 line in Flint, MI. It sold for $3,250. 
1955 The U.S. began funding West Germany’s rearmament. 
1957 The American occupation headquarters in Japan was 
 dissolved. 
1960 The Katanga province seceded from Congo (upon Congo's 
 independence from Belgium). 
1964 The last of U.N. troops left Congo after a four-year 
 effort to bring stability to the country. 
1971 The Soviet spacecraft Soyuz 11 returned to Earth. The 
 three cosmonauts were found dead inside. 
1977 U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced his opposition 
 to the B-1 bomber. 
1985 Yul Brynner left his role as the King of Siam after 
 4,600 performances in "The King and I." 
1986 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that states could 
 outlaw homosexual acts between consenting adults. 
1994 The U.S. Figure Skating Association stripped Tonya 
 Harding of the 1994 national championship and banned her 
 from the organization for life for an attack on rival 
 Nancy Kerrigan. 
2000 U.S. President Clinton signed the E-Signature bill 
 to give the same legal validity to an electronic signature 
 as a signature in pen and ink. 
2004 The international Cassini spacecraft entered Saturn's 
 orbit. The craft had been on a nearly seven-year journey. 
2015  smiled.


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Still looking for a fast typist! 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, June 29

Thanks Kenneth!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a PA Bank Robber Busted After He Stops For Biscuits Details at Boneheads Today in 1804 Privates John Collins and Hugh Hall of the Lewis and Clark Expedition were found guilty by a court-martial consisting of members of the Corps of Discovery for getting drunk on duty. Collins received 100 lashes on his back and Hall received 50. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be. --- Kurt Vonnegut (1922 - 2007) "The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side." - James Baldwin He must have been in tech Support ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An organization is like a tree full of monkeys. They are all on different limbs... at different levels. Some are climbing up, some are climbing down. The monkeys on the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but a bunch of butts. ______________________________________________________ At a dinner party, the speaker who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver his speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it. A guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife has sent you a KISS before you begin your speech. She must love you very much." The speaker replied, "You don't know my wife. The letters stand for "Keep it short, Stupid." ______________________________________________________ Click through to the big picture ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shane Lindsey, Arnold, Pennsylvania
Bank Robber Busted After He Stops For Biscuits A man who was arrested for robbing a western Pennsylvania bank when he stopped to eat biscuits at a nearby restaurant will spend two to four years in prison. The Pittsburgh Tribune-Review (http://bit.ly/1K0lDr8) reports 32-year-old Shane Lindsey, of Arnold, was sentenced by a Westmoreland County judge on Wednesday after pleading guilty. Lindsey was arrested about 20 minutes after he robbed the Citizens Bank in downtown New Kensington on Jan. 14. That's when witnesses saw a bald man matching Lindsey's description run toward a restaurant after the heist. Police knew the business had surveillance video and went inside to view it hoping for clues as to where the suspect went — only to find Lindsey eating at a booth. Police say Lindsey used the restaurant's bathroom to discard a coat and hood he wore during the robbery.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: David Re: Speech to Text program DearWebby Is there a voice to text program, that you can recommend? I need to translate/transcribe a recorded speech into editable text. The programs I tried are all a total waste of time, and some, like "voicetotext" from Cnet download install a bunch of trojans and hijackers, but no program at all. That was a major piss-off. Isn't there something that is safe and that works? David. Dear David No. You can try "Dragon Naturally Speaking". It costs about $80 for the cheapest version, and can be trained to eventually understand YOU, as long as you speak slowly and clearly and pronounce each word always the same. "Enter!" and "enter?" are NOT the same. If somebody has LOTS of time and patience, they can even use it to edit the mess it makes of your own speech. You are right about that voicetotext from Cnet.com download. It is an evil bunch of trojans and hijackers. Luckily Malwarebytes gets rid of that crap, even the Dregol hijacker, that makes it nearly impossible to regain control of your browser. Be EXTREMELY careful when downloading anything from Cnet's download. A lot of the stuff there is just thinly disguised malware. They don't seem to give a hoot about what the hackers upload. If one of the subscribers knows of a program that does work for transcribing recorded speech, please tell me! I have been looking for one for quite a while. Right now I am looking for a human, who can do that! Once upon a time, long, long ago, there used to be a lot of pretty ladies, who could type as fast as any speech, look around and make faces and voice smart-ass comments about the speech. Where are they now? Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A cruise ship docked at a Mexican port during a very high tide. Everyone on board was forced to use the ship's narrow gangplank as a passageway to the dock far below. The staff stood motionless when a passenger in her 90s appeared at the top of the plank. There wasn't room for anyone to assist her, so she edged along slowly and finally made it down to the dock safely, to everyone's relief. As she stepped onto solid ground, she turned, looked back at the top of the plank and shouted, "It's okay, Mother, you can come down now." ______________________________________________________ Two elderly ladies met at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health, one asked how the other's husband was doing. "Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!" "Oh dear! I'm very sorry." replied her friend "What did you do?" "Opened a can of peas instead." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Flip Caps for the Last Drop of Lotion I suggest that you collect a random assortment of flip caps. Remove the pump, select a flip cap that fits and prop the bottle upside down to drain. There won't be 1/10th of an ounce wasted. I used a flip cap from hand sanitizer on my wife's expensive hand lotion. By george burnett [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Jimmy is almost 29 years old, his friends have already gotten married, and Jimmy just dates and dates. Finally a friend asks him, 'What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you that particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?' 'No,' Jimmy replies. 'I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my Mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!' 'Listen,' his friend suggests, 'Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole Mother?' Many weeks go by and again Jimmy and his friend get together. 'So, Jimmy, did you find the perfect girl yet? One that's just like your Mother?' Jimmy shrugs his shoulders, 'Yes I found one just like Mom. My Mother loved her, they quickly became friends.' 'Are you and this girl engaged, yet?' 'I'm afraid not, my Father can't stand her!' _____________________________________________________ From a passenger ship, everyone can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving his hands. A passenger asks the captain, "Who is that man, and why is he so upset?" "I've no idea," the captain says, "but every year when we pass by, he goes nuts." "OOOPS!" Splash. "Sorry, Captain. We'll see you too go nuts next year." ____________________________________________________
I don’t like black and white photography but I love the old trees.

Today in 
1236 Ferdinand III of Castile and Leon took Cordoba in Spain. 
1652 Massachusetts declared itself an independent commonwealth. 
1767 The British Parliament approved the Townshend Revenue Acts. 
 The acts imposed import duties on glass, lead, paint, paper and 
 tea shipped to America. 
1804 Privates John Collins and Hugh Hall of the Lewis and Clark 
 Expedition were found guilty by a court-martial consisting of 
 members of the Corps of Discovery for getting drunk on duty. 
 Collins received 100 lashes on his back and Hall received 50. 
1860 The first iron-pile lighthouse was completed at 
 Minot’s Ledge, MA. 
1880 France annexed Tahiti. 
1888 Professor Frederick Treves performed the first 
 appendectomy in England. 
1903 The British government officially protested 
 Belgian atrocities in the Congo. 
1905 Russian troops intervened as riots erupted in ports 
 all over the country. Many ships were looted. 
1917 The Ukraine proclaimed independence from Russia. 
1925 Marvin Pipkin filed for a patent for the frosted 
 electric light bulb. 
1926 Fascists in Rome added an hour to the work day in 
 an economic efficiency measure. 
1932 Siam’s army seized Bangkok and announced an end to 
 the absolute monarchy. 
1946 British authorities arrested more than 2,700 Jews in 
 Palestine in an attempt to end terrorism. 
1950 U.S. President Harry S. Truman authorized a sea 
 blockade of Korea. 
1951 The United States invited the Soviet Union to the 
 Korean peace talks on a ship in Wonson Harbor. 
1953 The Federal Highway Act authorized the construction of 
 42,500 miles of freeway from coast to coast. 
1954 The Atomic Energy Commission voted against reinstating 
 Dr. J. Robert Oppenheimer's access to classified information. 
1955 The Soviet Union sent tanks to Poznan, Poland, to put down 
 anti-Communist demonstrations. 
1956 Marilyn Monroe and Arthur Miller were married. They were 
 divorced on January 20, 1961. 
1966 The U.S. bombed fuel storage facilities near the North 
 Vietnamese cities of Hanoi and Haiphong. 
1967 Israel removed barricades, re-unifying Jerusalem. 
1972 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the death penalty could 
 constitute "cruel and unusual punishment." The ruling 
 prompted states to revise their capital punishment laws. 
1982 Israel invaded Lebanon. 
1995 The shuttle Atlantis and the Russian space station Mir 
 docked, forming the largest man-made satellite ever to 
 orbit the Earth. 
2007 The first generation Apple iPhone went on sale. 
2011 The state of Nevada passed the first law that permitted 
 the operation of autonomous cars on public roads. The law 
 went into effect on March 1, 2012 and did not permit the 
 use of the cars to the general public. Google received the 
 first self-driving vehicle license in the U.S. on 
 May 4, 2012 in Nevada. 
2015  smiled.


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Voice to text 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, June 28

Thank you, Gary!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Georgia woman arrested for stealing 131 pairs of underwear Details at Boneheads Today in 1960 In Cuba, Fidel Castro confiscated American-owned oil refineries without compensation, causing 55 years of American hostility and anti-Cuban sanctions. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of labor by taking up another. --- Anatole France (1844 - 1924) ".do it now. There may be a law against it tomorrow." --- Laurence Peter ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17. " The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying." ______________________________________________________ Not too long ago a large seminar was held for ministers in training. Among the speakers were many well known motivational speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, " That woman was my mother!" The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech which, went over well. About a week later one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It seemed a bit foggy to him this morning. Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!" His congregation sat shocked. After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out "...and I can't remember who she was!" ______________________________________________________ Click through to the big picture He is MINE! ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Julia Marie Jones, 22, Jasper, Georgia
Georgia woman arrested for stealing 131 pairs of underwear Cobb County Jail Talk about getting your panties in a bunch. A woman in Jasper, Georgia, faces felony shoplifting charges after authorities said she stole 131 pairs of underwear from a Walmart in nearby Kennesaw on Sunday night, according to WSBTV.com. The purloined panties were worth $749.95 in all. Police said Julia Marie Jones, 22, tried to hide the garments in her purse, a handbag and grocery bags, according to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. Jones was charged with felony theft by shoplifting and booked Monday into the Cobb County Jail. She was released Tuesday after posting $5,000 bond, according to WFSB.com.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: David Re: Speech to Text program DearWebby Is there a voice to text program, that you can recommend? I need to translate/transcribe a recorded speech into editable text. The programs I tried are all a total waste of time, and some, like "voicetotext" from Cnet download install a bunch of trojans and hijackers, but no program at all. That was a major piss-off. Isn't there something that is safe and that works? David. Dear David No. You can try "Dragon Naturally Speaking". It costs about $80 for the cheapest version, and can be trained to eventually understand YOU, as long as you speak slowly and clearly and pronounce each word always the same. "Enter!" and "enter?" are NOT the same. If somebody has LOTS of time and patience, they can even use it to edit the mess it makes of your own speech. You are right about that voicetotext from Cnet.com download. It is an evil bunch of trojans and hijackers. Luckily Malwarebytes gets rid of that crap, even the Dregol hijacker, that makes it nearly impossible to regain control of your browser. Be EXTREMELY careful when downloading anything from Cnet's download. A lot of the stuff there is just thinly disguised malware. They don't seem to give a hoot about what the hackers upload. If one of the subscribers knows of a program that does work for transcribing recorded speech, please tell me! I have been looking for one for quite a while. Right now I am looking for a human, who can do that! Once upon a time, long, long ago, there used to be a lot of pretty ladies, who could type as fast as any speech, look around and make faces and voice smart-ass comments about the speech. Where are they now? Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression. She posed this question to her students: "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, "A basketball coach?" ______________________________________________________ Little Tony was so happy to see his grandmother that he ran up and gave her a big hug. "I'm so happy to see you, grandma. Now daddy will have to do that trick he promisied to do!" His grandmother was curious. "What trick is that, sweetie?" The little guy smiled at her, "I heard daddy tell mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit us again!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Washing Soda for Cleaning Sponges Washing soda is best for cleaning sponges and cleaning cloths. It will remove soap, dirt, or anything else remaining within. Things caught in the sponge will cause odors as well as give germs a place to fester. I even clean my micro cloths this way. It is safe enough to clean Enjo mops and cloths. By katesnanna [12] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ In a physics lab, which involved light, electricity and magnetism, one requirement of the course was to read the week's experiment before coming to class. At one lab session the instructor wanted to see how many people had actually done so. "What are the two types of light?" he asked. The lab fell quiet until one wise guy raised his hand and said, "Uhhh, Miller and Budweiser?" _____________________________________________________ This guy was walking along the beach one day and ran across a lamp (what a surprise). He picked it up a rubbed it and a genie popped out (ohh, another big surprise). The genie told him he would grant the man three wishes. "First," the guy began, "I'd like a million dollars." POOF! A million dollars was suddenly showing on his checkbook balance. "Second," he continued, "I'd like a new Mercedes." POOF! A Mercedes appeared right in front of him. "Third," the guy smirked, "I'd like to be irresistible to women." POOF! He turned into a box of chocolates. ____________________________________________________
This guy's street drawings are so realistic!

Today in 
1635 The French colony of Guadeloupe was established in 
 the Caribbean. 
1675 Frederick William of Brandenburg crushed the Swedes. 
1709 The Russians defeated the Swedes and Cossacks at the 
 Battle of Poltava. 
1776 American Colonists repulsed a British sea attack on 
 Charleston, SC. 
1778 Mary "Molly Pitcher" Hays McCauley, wife of an 
 American artilleryman, carried water to the soldiers 
 during the Battle of Monmouth and, supposedly, took 
 her husband's place at his gun after he was overcome 
 with heat. 
1902 The U.S. Congress passed the Spooner bill, it 
 authorized a canal to be built across the isthmus 
 of Panama. 
1914 Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria, the heir to 
 the Austro-Hungarian throne, was assassinated in 
 Sarajevo along with his wife, Duchess Sophie. 
1919 The Treaty of Versailles was signed ending World War I
 exactly five years after it began. The treaty also 
 established the League of Nations. 
1921 A coal strike in Great Britain was settled after 
 three months. 
1930 More than 1,000 communists were routed during an 
 assault on the British consulate in London. 
1939 Pan American Airways began the first transatlantic 
 passenger service. 
1942 German troops launched an offensive to seize Soviet 
 oil fields in the Caucasus and the city of Stalingrad. 
1945 U.S. General Douglas MacArthur announced the end of 
 Japanese resistance in the Philippines. 
1949 The last U.S. combat troops were called home from 
 Korea, leaving only 500 advisers. 
1950 North Korean forces captured Seoul, South Korea. 
1954 French troops began to pull out of Vietnam’s Tonkin 
 Province. 
1960 In Cuba, Fidel Castro confiscated American-owned oil 
 refineries without compensation, causing 55 years of 
 American hostility and anti-Cuban sanctions. 
1964 Malcolm X founded the Organization for Afro American 
 Unity to seek independence for blacks in the Western 
 Hemisphere. 
1965 The first commercial satellite began communications 
 service. It was Early Bird (Intelsat I). 
1967 Israel formally declared Jerusalem reunified under 
 its sovereignty following its capture of the Arab sector 
 in the June 1967 war. 
1971 The U.S. Supreme Court overturned the draft evasion 
 conviction of Muhammad Ali. 
1972 U.S. President Nixon announced that no new draftees 
 would be sent to Vietnam. 
1978 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the medical school at 
 the University of California at Davis to admit Allan Bakke. 
 Bakke, a white man, argued he had been a victim of reverse 
 racial discrimination. 
1997 Mike Tyson was disqualified for biting Evander Holyfield's 
 ear after three rounds of their WBA heavyweight title fight 
 in Las Vegas, NV. 
1998 Poland, due to shortage of funds, is allowed to lease 
 U.S. aircraft to bring military force up to NATO standards. 
2000 Six-year-old Elián González returned to Cuba from the 
 U.S. with his father. The child had been the center of an 
 international custody dispute. 
2001 Slobodan Milosevic was taken into custody and was handed 
 over to the U.N. war crimes tribunal in The Hague, 
 Netherlands. The indictment charged Milosevic and four 
 other senior officials, with crimes against humanity and 
 violations of the laws and customs of war in Kosovo. 
2001 The U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia 
 Circuit set aside an order that would break up Microsoft 
 for antitrust violations. However, the judges did agree that 
 the company was in violation of antitrust laws. 
2004 The U.S. resumed diplomatic ties with Libya after a 
 24-year break. 
2004 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that enemy combatants 
 could challenge their detention in U.S. Courts. 
2007 The American bald eagle was removed from the 
 endangered species list. 
2010 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that Americans have the 
right to own a gun for self-defense anywhere they live. 
2015  smiled.


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How to clip pictures from a movie 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, June 27

Thank you, Patricia !!

I read that Obama claimed a great victory for divorce
lawyers, since same sex couples split and divorce much
more frequently than traditional couples. That will cause
a noticeable boom in the construction of yachts and high
end mansions, and the wages of the construction workers
will trickle down to everybody.

It won't offset the job exports from the Asian trade deal,
but it might help a bit.


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Man Tried To Smuggle Oxycodone Hidden Inside McDonald's Double Cheeseburger To Jailed Wife Details at Boneheads Today in 1954 The world's first atomic power station opened at Obninsk, near Moscow. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900) The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do. --- B. F. Skinner (1904 - 1990) Everybody is ignert, just on different topics. --- Socratex If you want to cut down on the number of relatives who are hanging around, borrow money from the rich ones and lend money to the ones who are poor. You will never see any of them again. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Pastor Tim Here's hoping there is no one like this at your workplace. Faced with hard times, the company offered a bonus of one thousand dollars to any employee who could come up with a way of saving money. The bonus went to a young woman in accounting who suggested limiting future bonuses to ten dollars. ______________________________________________________ Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner. On the first hole, he sliced into the rough. His opponent heard him mutter "Hoover!" under his breath. On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water hazard. "Hoover!" again, a little louder this time. On the third hole, a miracle occurred and Fr. Murphy's drive landed on the green only six inches from the hole! "Praise be to God!" He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in. "HOOVER!!!!" By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his curiosity any longer, and asked why the priest said "Hoover". "It's the biggest dam I know." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to BigGeekDad for this picture: Click through to the big picture Let's GIT! ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Timothy Lee Thompson 31, Red bay, Alabama
Man Tried To Smuggle Oxycodone Hidden Inside McDonald's Double Cheeseburger To Jailed Wife An Alabama man tried to smuggle Oxycodone to his imprisoned wife by hiding the pills between the patties of a McDonald’s double cheeseburger that he dropped off at the local jail, cops report. Timothy Lee Thompson’s bid to get two powerful pain pills into the tiny Red Bay city jail was thwarted when a police employee searched the McDonald’s grub and discovered the narcotics. Pictured above, Thompson, 31, was arrested Friday for promoting prison contraband. He was subsequently freed on $2500 bond after being booked on the felony count. Thompson’s spouse Ashley--who is facing a theft charge-- remains locked up in the jail, which houses up to four inmates, according to Red Bay Police Department Chief Jana Jackson. Jackson told TSG that her department allows inmates to receive food and care packages from friends and family, but added that the items are checked before entering the lockup. Thompson was aware of this, since he had previously dropped off a book for his wife and watched as an officer did a page-by-page examination of the volume. Since inmates are fed bologna sandwiches and Hot Pockets, the dropping off of other food has been allowed by police. However, following the Oxycodone smuggling attempt, food items brought to the jail for inmates must now be “sealed,” Jackson said.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Hermon Re: Clip pictures from movies Good Friday Morning, DearWebby As always, thanks for the best way to start my day, A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones. Need some help, just finished my 50th class reunion and one of my classmates sent me his reunion pictures on a youtube video. any way to cut the video into original pictures? Thanks ,Hermon in Ky. Dear Hermon You need a graphics program for that. Pretty well any graphics program will work fine. Open the graphics program and then the movie. Run the movie, and when you get to a memorable spot, stop it. Do a screen capture with the graphics program, or hit ALT PrintScreen ALT TAB to the Graphics program CTRL V to paste the screen shot. Crop it down to what is worth keeping and save it with a descriptive file name into a location, that you can easily find. Then do the same with the next shot that you want to keep. There is no way or reason to keep each frame, since there are 16 frames per second. It would drive you nuts trying to find the right frame amongst thousands. You just have run the movie till you get to interesting spots, stop it and cclip a few good frames. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ >From Samantha Sometimes you are sad ....and no one sees your tears. Sometimes you are happy ....and no one sees your smile. But fart just ONE time..... ______________________________________________________ Passing by the primate area one day, a zoo attendant happens to notice a chimpanzee sitting on a rock with an open book in either hand, looking first at one and then at the other. Upon closer examination, he identifies the books: the Bible, and Darwin's "Origin of Species". Curious, he asks the chimp, "What's with the books?" The chimp replies, "I'm trying to decide whether I'm my brother's keeper, or my keeper's brother." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Washing Soda for Cleaning Sponges Washing soda is best for cleaning sponges and cleaning cloths. It will remove soap, dirt, or anything else remaining within. Things caught in the sponge will cause odors as well as give germs a place to fester. I even clean my micro cloths this way. It is safe enough to clean Enjo mops and cloths. By katesnanna [12] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ 15 Of The Most Stupid Questions Ever Asked In Class. 1. "Is Alaska a real state, or are you just messing with me?" 2. In class we were discussing the hole in the ozone layer. Some girl blurts out "Oh! That is the hole that the space shuttle flies through, right?" 3. We had a big presentation near the end of my 4th year of high school. It as one of those, “Things to know before you graduate” type things. One of the topics was choosing your area of study for college/university. One kid said, “I’m not a liberal, and my dad is pretty conservative. Am I still allowed go to school for liberal arts?” 4. Our 9th grade English teacher was collecting food and stuff to send to Japan after the tsunami, namely rice. A girl raised her hand and asked if it was to soak up all the water. 5. "Wait, volcanoes are real? I thought they were made up." This was a high school freshman... 6. In my World History class a student was put on the spot and mumbled out the following question, "wait, did food exist back then?" My teacher simply said, “Nope. The ancient Greeks used photosynthesis.” 7. We were discussing forest fires that were going on somewhere in the midwest at the time, and a girl asked, "How can the fires keep burning for more than one day? Do they start back up again every morning?" 8. "Hey teacher, how many seconds are in a meter?" 9. I had to explain to basically 75% of a science class in high school that ants were animals, they didn't believe me so I had them go to the teacher, they were shocked: "bugs are animals". 10. On the first day of class I was doing my standard introductions and I told my class that I was from Portland, Oregon. In response to this, a girl in her mid-twenties asked me: "So do you speak Portuguese then?" 11. High school chemistry class, we were working on a lab where we had to make little squares on a piece of plastic to perform tests in, and the squares had to have 2 cm long sides. This kid at my lab table, who had already proven to be not so bright in class many times beforehand, got our teacher's attention, then asked what a centimeter was. After the teacher thoroughly explained what a centimeter is, and where exactly to find them on the ruler in front of him, the student turned to us and said: "I'm still not understanding this centimeter thing." --- I used to 'splain the Metric system with a sugar cube. Each side measures 1 centimeter long, wide or high. Each square has 1 square centimeter surface. The volume is 1 cubic centimeter. If you have an ice cube the size of a sugar cube, it weighs one gram. If you have water in a container the size of a sugar cube, it takes one calorie to raise it's temperature one degree celsius. Can you ask for something more simple than that? 12. The following exchange took place in my grade 11 history class. We were discussing Egypt, and one girl actually said, "Egypt really exists? I thought it was just some place from Jimmy Neutron." Somebody else in the class also spoke up, saying, "What do you mean place, I thought Egypt was a religion." 13. Our class was discussing American history and the topic of the Vietnam war came up. One student mentioned that he is actually from Vietnam, and that he had family members who had gone through the war. A teenaged girl raised her hand and said, completely seriously, “How can you be from Vietnam? Vietnam is a war, not a place.” 14. I’ll never forget this moment. Now given this was in the eighth grade, but still… a girl asked me how to spell "GPS". 15. Girl in my high school earth science class felt compelled to ask this one:"Where does the sun go at night?" _____________________________________________________ Ball Mason Jar commercial ____________________________________________________
I've always wanted to be an archaeologist and discover ancient civilizations and mysterious structures.

Today in 
0363 The death of Roman Emperor Julian brought an end to 
 the Pagan Revival. 
1743 King George II of England defeated the French at 
 Dettingen, Bavaria, in the War of the Austrian Succession. 
1787 Edward Gibbon completed "The Decline and Fall of the 
 Roman Empire." It was published the following May. 
1801 British forces defeated the French and took control 
 of Cairo, Egypt. 
1847 New York and Boston were linked by telegraph wires. 
1871 The yen became the new form of currency in Japan. 
1885 Chichester Bell and Charles S. Tainter applied for 
 a patent for the gramophone. It was granted on May 4, 1886. 
1893 The New York stock market crashed. By the end of the 
 year 600 banks and 74 railroads had gone out of business. 
1905 The battleship Potemkin succumbed to a mutiny on the 
 Black Sea. 
1918 Two German pilots were saved by parachutes for the 
 first time. 
1923 Yugoslav Premier Nikola Pachitch was wounded by 
 Serb attackers in Belgrade. 
1927 The U.S. Marines adopted the English bulldog as 
 their mascot. 
1929 Scientists at Bell Laboratories in New York revealed 
 a system for transmitting television pictures. 
1931 Igor Sikorsky filed U.S. Patent 1,994,488, which 
 marked the breakthrough in helicopter technology. 
1940 Robert Pershing Wadlow was measured by Dr. Cyril 
 MacBryde and Dr. C. M. Charles. They recorded his height 
 at 8' 11.1." He was only 22 at the time of his death on 
 July 15, 1940. 
1944 During World War II, American forces completed their 
 capture of the French port of Cherbourg from the German army. 
1950 Two days after North Korea invaded South Korea, U.S. 
 President Truman ordered the Air Force and Navy into the 
 Korean conflict. The United Nations Security Council had 
 asked for member nations to help South Korea repel an 
 invasion from the North. 
1954 The world's first atomic power station opened at 
 Obninsk, near Moscow. 
1955 The state of Illinois enacted the first automobile 
 seat belt legislation. 
1967 The world's first cash dispenser was installed at 
 Barclays Bank in Enfield, England. The device was 
 invented by John Sheppard-Barron. The machine operated 
 on a voucher system and the maximum withdrawal was $28. 
1972 Bobby Hull signed a 10-year hockey contract for 
 $2,500,000. He became a player and coach of the Winnipeg 
 Jets of the World Hockey Association. 
1973 Former White House counsel John W. Dean told the 
 Senate Watergate Committee about an "enemies list" that 
 was kept by the Nixon White House. 
1973 Nixon vetoed a Senate ban on bombing Cambodia. 
1980 U.S. President Carter signed legislation reviving 
 draft registration. 
1985 Route 66 was officially removed from the United 
 States Highway System. 
1986 The World Court ruled that the U.S. had broken 
 international law by aiding Nicaraguan rebels. 
1995 Qatar's Crown Prince Sheik Hamad bin Khalifa al-Thani 
 ousted his father in a bloodless palace coup. 
1998 An English woman was impregnated with her dead husband's 
 sperm after two-year legal battle over her right to the sperm. 
2005 In Alaska's Denali National Park, a roughly 70-million year 
 old dinosaur track was discovered. The track was form a 
 three-toed Cretaceous period dinosaur.
2015  smiled.


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Blue Parrot Fish 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, June 26
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you, Jospeh


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Indiana toad licker locked up on trespass charge Details at Boneheads Today in 1959 U.S. President Eisenhower joined Britain's Queen Elizabeth II in ceremonies officially opening the St. Lawrence Seaway. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as well as the earth! --- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From RoseAnn DearWebby, a few years ago you had a hilarious piece to send to people who pester you with chain letters. Can you send that again ? Thanks RoseAnn, Denver, CO Hi RoseAnn I saved it onto a web page that time, and it is still at Club ______________________________________________________ The old man was a witness in a burglary trial.The defense lawyer asks Sam, "Did you see my client commit this burglary?" "Yes," said Sam , "I saw him plainly take the goods." The lawyer asks Sam again, "Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?" "Yes" says Sam, "I saw him do it." Then the lawyer asks Sam, "Sam listen, you are 80 years old and your eyesight probably is bad. Just how far can you see at night?" Sam says, "I can see the moon, how far is that?" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click through to the big picture This Flounder weighed in at 102 kilograms 190 cm long. Tommie Johnsson,the fisherman felt 'wore out' for two days after the catch in Scandinavian waters. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Richard Mullins, 41 La Porte, Indiana
Toad Licker Is Locked Up On Trespass Charge An Indiana man who was licking a toad while dancing by himself on an Indiana sidewalk is locked up after ignoring a trespass warning issued by cops, according to a police report. La Porte Police Department officers were called to a bar early Sunday morning when Richard Mullins, 41, refused to leave the property after being escorted outside by security. The barefoot Mullins would not provide bouncers with ID when he walked into JJ’s Side Out Bar & Grill, cops reported. After being steered out of the business--but before police arrived--Mullins began dancing in the bar’s parking lot. “The subject then reportedly picked up a toad and was licking it prior to our arrival,” Officer Vincent Bowman noted. When questioned by cops, Mullins had a “blank look on his face but no pupil dilation to suggest he was under the influence of any drugs.” Officers warned Mullins that if he returned to the bar’s property he would be arrested. Mullins seemed to understand the warning, Bowman wrote, “as when he was dancing he would walk right up to the property line that we pointed out and then walk back.” But a few minutes after receiving the trespass warning, Mullins returned to the bar’s parking lot. When police subsequently approached Mullins, “he was holding another toad.” Charged with misdemeanor trespassing, Mullins was booked into the La Porte County jail, where he is being held in advance of a June 30 court appearance. Since the police report does not identify what kind of toad Mullins was licking, it is impossible to determine the amphibian’s potential psychoactive properties or its toxicity.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Svend Re: Parrot fish I just don't buy it, Dear Webby, Svend >From Janice By Pat Cegan | Published September 2, 2012 | Full size is 700 × 559 ... Less 700 x 559 49.6KB patcegan.wordpress.com Not photoshopped Parrot Fish eating coral Found this guy just a munching away, he ignored me for most of the time I video'd him youtube.com 00:23 3 years ago Janice Thanks, Janice! Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. The police came and took the drunk guy to jail.The next day the man went before the judge. The judge asked the man, "Where do you work? " The man said, "Here and there." The judge asked the man, "What do you do for a living?" The man said, "This and that." The judge then said, "Take him away." The man said, "Wait, judge, when will I get out?" The judge said to the man, "Sooner or later..." ______________________________________________________ The Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name. She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in Tallahassee." The cop put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again." ------------ Reminds me of my student days. It was common knowledge there that nobody EVER got arrested while on Gymnasium Street. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Current Contest Contender! I liked the many suggestions for using paper towel and toilet paper rolls to make fire starters. My problem was that I didn't have a good way to stuff the rolls and pour or dip them in wax. Then I remembered my camp craft class where we made paper baskets (this was a looong time ago!). Cut paper towel rolls in thirds. Fold one end and make a cut about 3/4 inches through both layers. Open the fold up and fold again so that the cut ends are now on the edges. Make another cut about 3/4 inches and open up the fold. Fold the four cut edges so they cover each other (like a box). The paper roll can now stand up and be filled with dryer lint, sawdust, etc. Pour the melted wax into the open end. I also put these on a styrofoam tray (the kind meat comes on works well) and set my rolls up one against the other on the tray so that any wax that seeps through will pool on the tray and not make a mess of my work surface. By Joan C. [1] When I was living and travelling in the bush in the Yukon, I used to stuff a small ball of newspaper into one end of the roll, then fill the roll with crushed tiny, dry twigs from low on spruce trees, and the mossy "beards", and close the roll with another golf ball size ball of paper. When travelling by dogsled I used to put one roll inside my jacket, so that it was nice and warm and had no frost or snow powder on it. For lighting, I just pull out one of the end balls a bit and pull it partially apart, and light that. If there was no frost or windblown snow on the tiny dry branches at the bottom of trees and bushes, then of course I used those and saved the roll starter. Next time you venture beyond the patio and get to a forest, collect a gunny-sack full of the tiny, dry branches at the bottom of the trees. They light faster and burn hotter than waxed dryer lint or even navel lint. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Abdicate - v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. Esplanade - v., to attempt an explanation while drunk. Willy-nilly - adj., impotent. Flabbergasted - adj., appalled over how much weight you have gained. Negligent - adj., describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightie. Lymph - v. To walk with a lisp. Gargoyle-n., an olive-flavored mouthwash. Bustard - n., a very rude Metrobus driver. Coffee - n., a person who is coughed upon Flatulence - n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. Balderdash - n., a rapidly receding hairline. Semantics - n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers. Rectitude - n., the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you. Marionettes - n., residents of Washington D.C. who have been jerked around by the mayor. Oyster - n., a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions. Circumvent - n., the opening in the front of boxer shorts. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. Tatyr: A lecherous Mr. Potato Head. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. Burglesque: A poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate) Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer. Glibido: All talk and no action. _____________________________________________________ A man answers the phone and has the following conversation: "Yes, mother, I've had a hard day. Gladys has been most difficult - I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard. Well, you know how she is. "Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that she was a vile creature who would make my life miserable and you begged me not to marry her. "You were perfectly right. "You want to speak with her? All right." He looks up from the telephone and calls to his wife in the next room: "Gladys, your mother wants to talk to you!" ____________________________________________________
All it takes is imagination and some work to turn these buses into rides too cool for school.

Today in 
1096 Peter the Hermit's crusaders forced their way across 
 Sava, Hungary. 
1243 The Seljuk Turkish army in Asia Minor was wiped 
 out by the Mongols. 
1483 Richard III usurped himself to the English throne. 
1794 The French defeated an Austrian army at the Battle 
 of Fleurus. 
1804 The Lewis and Clark Expedition reached the mouth of 
 the Kansas River after completing a westward trek of 
 nearly 400 river miles. 
1819 The bicycle was patented by W.K. Clarkson, Jr. 
1870 The first section of the boardwalk in Atlantic City, 
 NJ, was opened to the public. 
1894 The American Railway Union called a general strike 
 in sympathy with Pullman workers. 
1900 The United States announced that it would send troops 
 to fight against the Boxer rebellion in China. 
1900 A commission that included Dr. Walter Reed began the 
 fight against the deadly disease yellow fever. 
1907 Russia's nobility demanded drastic measures to be 
 taken against revolutionaries. 
1908 Shah Muhammad Ali's forces squelched the reform 
 elements of Parliament in Persia. 
1917 General John "Black Jack" Pershing arrived in France 
 with the American Expeditionary Force. 
1925 Charlie Chaplin's comedy "The Gold Rush" premiered 
 in Hollywood.
That was the only movie about the Yukon and Alaska, that
I had seen before immigrating and moving to the Yukon.
1924 After eight years of occupation, American troops 
 left the Dominican Republic. 
1936 The Focke-Wulf Fw 61 made its first flight. It is 
 often considered the first practical helicopter. 
1942 The Grumman F6F Hellcat fighter was flown for 
 the first time. 
1945 The U.N. Charter was signed by 50 nations in 
 San Francisco, CA. 
1948 The Berlin Airlift began as the U.S., Britain 
 and France started ferrying supplies to the isolated 
 western sector of Berlin. 
1951 The Soviet Union proposed a cease-fire in the 
 Korean War. 
1959 U.S. President Eisenhower joined Britain's 
 Queen Elizabeth II in ceremonies officially opening 
 the St. Lawrence Seaway. 
1961 A Kuwaiti vote opposed Iraq's annexation plans. 
1963 U.S. President John Kennedy announced "Ich bin 
 ein Berliner" (I am a Berliner) at the Berlin Wall. 
1971 The U.S. Justice Department issued a warrant for 
 Daniel Ellsberg, accusing him of giving away the 
 Pentagon Papers. 
1975 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi declared a 
 state of emergency due to "deep and widespread conspiracy." 
1976 The CN (Canadian National) Tower in Toronto, Canada, 
 opened. 
1979 Muhammad Ali, at 37 years old, announced that he was 
 retiring from boxing. 
1981 In Mountain Home, Idaho, Virginia Campbell took her 
 coupons and rebates and bought $26,460 worth of groceries. 
 She only paid 67 cents after all the discounts. 
1996 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the Virginia Military 
 Institute to admit women or forgo state support. 
1997 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down the Communications 
 Decency Act of 1996 that made it illegal to distribute 
 indecent material on the Internet. 
1997 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld state laws that allow 
 for a ban on doctor-assisted suicides. 
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that employers are always 
 potentially liable for supervisor's sexual misconduct toward 
 an employee. 
2000 Indonesia's President Abdurrahman Wahid declared a state of emergency in the Moluccas due to the escalation of fighting between Christians and Muslims. 
2002 WorldCom Inc. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection.
2015  smiled.


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How to make W8.1 look like W7 or XP  



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, June 25

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Dad Arrested for cooking 2 year old girl in hot car for 16 hours Details at Boneheads Today in 1876 Lt. Col. Custer and the 210 men of U.S. 7th Cavalry were killed by Sioux and Cheyenne Indians at Little Big Horn in Montana. The event is known as "Custer's Last Stand." More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Aristotle was famous for knowing everything. He taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons. --- Will Cuppy "The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, HE was a genius." --- Sid Caesar Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. --- Mark Twain Sure does not seem to apply for women ! Lady Godiva got the taxes reduced in her county, and some of the best chocolates on this planet are named after her. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength. Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying. One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed. With a trembling voice he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope. The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, "Whenever it breaks." ______________________________________________________ No wonder kids are confused today. Half the adults tell them to find themselves; the other half tell them to get lost. ______________________________________________________ Click through to the big picture Not photoshopped ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Wilbert Carter, 31 Baltimore,
Dad Arrested for cooking 2 year old girl in hot car for 16 hours Tragedy in Baltimore, where a 2-year-old girl died yesterday after being left in a hot car. Police say her father, Wilbert Carter, left her in the car sometime Sunday, and WBAL-TV reports that she was inside it for at least 16 hours. Carter, 31, is also reportedly the one who found her the next day around 5pm and ran to call police, who found little Leasia Carter in the locked car. A witness says she saw Wilbert Carter walking down the street, crying. "A lady comes out of the house or walks out the street and they just start screaming." Another witness says Carter was "sitting there like, 'Somebody's dead, somebody's dead,' and we couldn't make out what he was saying, but we know he was saying somebody was dead." He was later arrested on second-degree murder and child abuse charges. Carter told police he had five drinks on Sunday, was drinking into the wee hours of Monday, and couldn't remember what happened, but the Washington Post reports that he said a friend drove his car to the location where the girl was later found. "The father went home at some point in time last night," a police official said yesterday. "This afternoon when he woke up, he discovered that his child wasn't there." Adds a police spokesperson today, "When he woke up around 4pm yesterday afternoon, that's when he began searching for his daughter." He reportedly asked his mother and aunt where she was and they said they saw him come home at 7am and assumed the girl was with his sister, but he found her after a cousin called to alert him to where his car was parked. The child was not breathing when she was found, and she suffered second-degree burns in the 90-degree heat. So far, no protests or looting are planned.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ginger Re: Make W8.1 look like W7 or XP Hi DearWebby, I just bought my husband a new all-in-one touchscreen computer with Windows 8. He will NEVER be able to figure it out. He's still sad they did away with Windows 3.1 !! You talked about a program that would make Windows 8 look like Windows 7 which he uses now. What is it and would it work with the touch screen? Ginger Dear Ginger I agree with your hubby, and that is indeed the most frequent question about W8: "How do I make it look and act like W7 or XP, so that I can get some work done?" Here is how: Make W8 or 8.1 look like Windows 7 or XP Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ "I noticed you always carry my photo in your handbag. Why?" a husband asked his wife. "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem always disappears," she said. The man smiled. "You see how good I am for you?" he asked. "Yes," she said. "I see your picture and say to myself, 'Is this really a problem, -compared to him?'" ______________________________________________________ Did you hear about the Indian chief who traded in his forty year old wife for two twenty year olds? A couple of weeks later a fellow brave saw him back with his original forty-year old wife. He said, "What happened to your two twenty- year-olds?" The Chief replied, "Hmmph, not wired for 220!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Spray Deodorant for Removing Ink Stains Spray deodorant on the stain, then rub with a cloth. It should come off. If it doesn't come off straight away, but instead only fades after you have rubbed it, then spray more deodorant on the stain. :) Source: My brother By marcyyyyyyyyy [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Leroy goes to the doctor for a vasectomy. Unlike the usual patients, he shows up in a limo, and he's sitting in the doctor's office in a rented tuxedo with black tie. The doctor says "I've done a lot of these, but I've never seen a limo and tuxedo before. What's the story?" To which Leroy responds "If I'm gonna BE m-potent, I'm gonna LOOK im-potent!" _____________________________________________________ College is that bright interlude of freedom a young man has between subjection to his mother and control by his wife. ____________________________________________________
I want her to paint my rooms!

Today in 
0841 Charles the Bald and Louis the German defeated Lothar 
 at Fontenay. 
1080 At Brixen, a council of bishops declared Pope Gregory 
 to be deposed and Archbishop Guibert as antipope Clement III. 
1580 The Book of Concord was first published. The book is a 
 collection of doctrinal standards of the Lutheran Church. 
1658 Aurangzeb proclaimed himself emperor of the Moghuls in India. 
1767 Mexican Indians rioted as Jesuit priests were ordered home. 
1864 Union troops surrounding Petersburg, VA, began building 
a mine tunnel underneath the Confederate lines. 
1867 Lucien B. Smith patented the first barbed wire. 
1868 The U.S. Congress enacted legislation granting an 
 eight-hour day to workers employed by the Federal government. 
1870 In Spain, Queen Isabella abdicated in favor of Alfonso XII. 
1876 Lt. Col. Custer and the 210 men of U.S. 7th Cavalry 
 were killed by Sioux and Cheyenne Indians at Little Big Horn 
 in Montana. The event is known as "Custer's Last Stand." 
1877 In Philadelphia, PA, Alexander Graham Bell demonstrated 
 the telephone for Sir William Thomson (Baron Kelvin) and 
 Emperor Pedro II of Brazil at the Centennial Exhibition. 
1910 The U.S. Congress authorized the use of postal savings
 stamps. 
1917 The first American fighting troops landed in France. 
1920 The Greeks took 8,000 Turkish prisoners in Smyrna. 
1921 Samuel Gompers was elected head of the AFL for the 
 40th time. 
1941 Finland declared war on the Soviet Union. 
1946 Ho Chi Minh traveled to France for talks on Vietnamese 
 independence. 
1948 The Soviet Union tightened its blockade of Berlin by 
 intercepting river barges heading for the city. 
1950 North Korea invaded South Korea initiating the 
 Korean War. 
1951 In New York, the first regular commercial color TV 
 transmissions were presented on CBS using the FCC-approved 
 CBS Color System. The public did not own color TV's then. 
1959 The Cuban government seized 2.35 million acres under a 
 new agrarian reform law. 
1962 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the use of unofficial 
 non-denominational prayer in public schools was 
 unconstitutional. 
1964 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson ordered 200 naval personnel 
 to Mississippi to assist in finding three missing civil 
 rights workers. 
1970 The U.S. Federal Communications Commission handed down a 
 ruling (35 FR 7732), making it illegal for radio stations to 
 put telephone calls on the air without the permission of the 
 person being called. 
1973 White House Counsel John Dean admitted that U.S. President 
 Nixon took part in the Watergate cover-up. 
1975 Mozambique became independent. Samora Machel was sworn in 
 as president after 477 years of Portuguese rule. 
1981 The U.S. Supreme Court decided that male-only draft 
 registration was constitutional. 
1986 The U.S. Congress approved $100 million in aid to the 
 Contras fighting in Nicaragua. 
1987 Austrian President Kurt Waldheim visited Pope John Paul II 
 at the Vatican. The meeting was controversial due to 
 allegations that Waldheim had hidden his Nazi past. 
1990 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the right of an individual, 
 whose wishes are clearly made, to refuse life-sustaining 
 medical treatment. "The right to die" decision was made in the 
 Curzan vs. Missouri case. 
1991 The last Soviet troops left Czechoslovakia 23 years after 
 the Warsaw Pact invasion. 
1991 The Yugoslav republics of Slovenia and Croatia declared 
 their independence from Yugoslavia. 
1993 Kim Campbell took office as Canada's first woman prime 
 minister. She assumed power upon the resignation of Brian Mulroney. 
1997 The Russian space station Mir was hit by an unmanned cargo vessel. 
 Much of the power supply was knocked out and the station's Spektr 
 module was severely damaged. 
1997 U.S. air pollution standards were significantly tightened by 
 U.S. President Clinton. 
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court rejected the line-item veto thereby 
 striking down presidential power to cancel specific items in 
 tax and spending legislation. 
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that those infected with HIV 
 are protected by the Americans With Disabilities Act. 
1999 Germany's parliament approved a national Holocaust 
 memorial to be built in Berlin. 
2000 U.S. and British researchers announced that they had 
 completed a rough draft of a map of the genetic makeup 
 of human beings. The project was 10 years old at the time 
 of the announcement. 
2000 A Florida judge approved a class-action lawsuit to 
 be filed against American Online (AOL) on behalf of hourly 
 subscribers who were forced to view "pop-up" advertisements. 
2015  smiled.


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