Precise positioning of pictures and and wrap in WORD 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, January 18

Did I scare you with my picture?


Telus, my ISP had some problems today.
The biggest, of course, was that the Taliban paid to do tech
support from Pakistan or thereabouts, have no clucking fue, 
and have no real Internet access. They just sit in some
laundromat and mumble and try to make clients believe, the
problem is on the client's side. The Taliban don't even know
what a trace route is!

In case you don't either, even if you are not a Taliban, 
Click on START
type cmd and hit ENTER
You get the scary black DOS screen.
Type 
tracert webby.com
and hit ENTER
(instead of webby.com you can type the name of your ISP, or
google.com)
After a second your computer will start doing a trace.
It will list all the sub stations and internet jumps between
you and your target.

If you see *, that means a pothole on the route.
Three stars means a sub station is in major trouble.

If the trace works fine for a few jumps, then goes to stars,
the problem is far away from you.

Sometimes, though rarely, hitting the reset button on your
modem will cause it to switch to a different DNS (Internet road
map) and will then get through if you try the tracert again.

Tracert is nothing new. No change with it since 1992.
However, I have yet to meet a Taliban who understands that if
your trace route goes 6 jump lines towards your destination,
then craps out, the problem is NOT in your computer. 
They just don't get it. Must be something religious.

Well, eventually, resetting my modem the trird time, I finally
got through to the net again.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Iowa Man wearing GPS tracker on ankle arrested 
for gas station robbery


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 18 in
1896 The x-ray machine was exhibited for the first time. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I once said cynically of a politician, 'He'll doublecross that bridge when he comes to it.' --- Oscar Levant (1906 - 1972) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An office reports that they have an answering machine that instructs callers to leave their name and address, and to spell any difficult words. Early one Monday when the secretary was reviewing the weekend messages, she heard an enthusiastic young woman recite her name and address and then confidently offer, "My difficult word is reconciliation. R-E-C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-I-O-N." ____________________________________________________ After Jane's son fell into the pond yet again and came home with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated Jane sent him to his room and washed and dried his clothes. A little later, Jane heard a commotion in the back yard. She called out "Are you out there wetting your pants again!?" There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep, masculine voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, I'm just reading the meter." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Fran for this story: Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same hand- some young man I married." "Honey," he replied, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!" _____________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Seith William Keith, 30, Davenport, Iowa Man wearing GPS tracker on ankle arrested for gas station robbery A Davenport parolee was arrested Tuesday afternoon in connection with an armed robbery at a Mount Joy gas station Monday. Seith William Keith, 30, last known address in the 400 block of West 4th Street, was booked into the Scott County Jail at 4:05 p.m. on charges of first-degree robbery, a Class B punishable by up to 25 years in prison, and assault while displaying a dangerous weapon, an aggravated misdemeanor. He also is charged with two counts of failure to register as a sex offender-second or subsequent offense, a Class D felony punishable by up to five years in prison. He is expected to make an initial appearance on the charges Wednesday morning. According to arrest affidavits released Tuesday night by the Scott County Sheriff’s Office: At 8:50 p.m. Monday, Keith walked into the Mt. Joy Amoco BP, displayed a knife and assaulted the clerk by pushing, hitting and cutting her arm. The injury to the clerk’s arm required stitches. He then tried to open the register but was unable to and fled the store. Surveillance video showed Keith’s face, which was positively identified by law enforcement. He is on parole and has a GPS ankle device that placed him at the gas station during the robbery. Keith was arrested at 1:34 p.m. during a traffic stop at East Locust and Iowa streets in Davenport. He admitted to law enforcement that he went to the store, displayed the knife and pushed the clerk to the ground and scuffled with her. Keith also admitted that he intended to take money and that he fled in the same vehicle he was arrested in. An officer who checked with Keith’s parole officer reported that he had been terminated from his job in September and did not report that information within five business days, which he is required to do under the Iowa Sex Offender Registry. Keith admitted that he had not worked at his former workplace for a few months, but said he reported the information. He has prior convictions for registry violations in 2008, 2010, and 2012, according to the affidavits. In January 2013, he was sentenced to up to 10 years in prison on two counts of delivery of a controlled substance and a concurrent sentence of up to five years in prison on a third- degree burglary charge. The sentences were ordered to run concurrent to a sentence of up to five years in prison imposed in October 2012 after a judge ruled that he violated his probation for a sex offender registry violation charge, court records show. He was released from prison in April, according to Iowa Department of Corrections online records. His parole is slated to be discharged in December, according to the IDOC website. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Allen Re: Precise picture positioning in WORD Dear Webby, How can I position a picture with word at the precise place where I want it, intead of where WORD wants to put it? Thanks Allen Dear Allen That's a secret, as far as Microsoft is concerned,but it can be done quite easily. Click on the picture to make it active. Then click on the little doggie icon for Text Wrap. Select TIGHT. The picture will probably scoot off to somewhere else, where it is not suppoded to be, often on the next page. Click on it a couple of times and then you can drag it to where it belongs. It will probably change it's width and hight in the process, but now you can squish it to the exact size you want, andyou can even rotate it. The TIGHT text wrap setting will make the text flow around it and match the contours. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A patient was waiting nervously in the examination room of a famous specialist. "So who did you see before coming to me?" asked the important doctor. "My local General Practitioner, Dr. Cohen." "Your GP?" scoffed the doctor. "What a waste of time. Tell me, what sort of stupid and useless advice did Cohen give you?" "He told me to go and see you."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Sandie for this story: There was a church that had a very big-busted organist. Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. One of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told her to mash up some green persimmons, and rub them on her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size but warned her to not eat any of the green persimmons though because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a while. She agreed to try it. The following Sunday morning the minister got up on the pulpit and said: "Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol we will not hath a thermon tewday ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Get the Most From Your Doctor's Visit Before visiting the doctor, make sure to write down any questions you have so that you don't forget to ask them. Doctors are usually in a hurry, so don't let them rush you and make sure all your questions are answered before he/she rushes off to the next customer. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ The pastor of a church was taking his first trip away on a Sunday, and he asked another pastor to come in and preach the service for him. The substitute pastor agreed to come. He was quite young, just outof seminary, and this was his first time preaching. When he got up to speak on Sunday, he tried to explain to the congregation why he'd come, and give them some comfort about it. He pointed up to the stained glass windows to illustrate this. "You see where there's a missing pane, and there's a piece of cardboard over it? That's sort of what I'm doing. I'm just filling in the space until your pastor returns." He went on about this a little bit, then went into his sermon. The young substitute pastor gave a wonderful, inspired talk that Sunday. After the service, a lovely old woman came up to him, took his hand, and said, "Pastor, don't you ever let anyone say that you're like that piece of cardboard. Believe me, you are the real pane!"
I wouldn't mind flying if I could fly in this plane!
"Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, January 18, in
1778 English navigator Captain James Cook discovered the
Hawaiian Islands, which he called the "Sandwich Islands." 

1788 The first English settlers arrived in Australia's Botany
Bay to establish a penal colony. The group moved north eight
days later and settled at Port Jackson. 

1871 Wilhelm, King of Prussia from 1861, was proclaimed the
first German Emperor. 

1886 The Hockey Association was formed in England. This date is
the birthday of modern field hockey. 

1896 The x-ray machine was exhibited for the first time. 

1911 For the first time an aircraft landed on a ship. Pilot
Eugene B. Ely flew onto the deck of the USS Pennsylvania in San
Francisco harbor. 

1919 The World War I Peace Congress opened in Versailles,
France. 

1939 Louis Armstrong and his orchestra recorded "Jeepers
Creepers." 

1943 During World War II, the Soviets announced that they had
broken the Nazi siege of Leningrad, which had began in
September of 1941. 

1943 U.S. commercial bakers stopped selling sliced bread. Only
whole loaves were sold during the ban until the end of World
War II. 

1957 The first, non-stop, around-the-world, jet flight came to
an end at Riverside, CA. The plane was refueled in mid-flight
by huge aerial tankers. 

1958 Willie O'Ree made his NHL debut with the Boston Bruins. He
was the first black player to enter the league. 

1964 The plans for the original World Trade Center in New York
were unveiled to the public. 

1967 Albert DeSalvo, who claimed to be the "Boston Strangler,"
was convicted in Cambridge, MA, of armed robbery, assault and
sex offenses. He was sentenced to life in prison. Desalvo was
killed in 1973 by a fellow inmate. 

1972 Former Rhodesian prime minister Garfield Todd and his
daughter were placed under house arrest for campaigning against
Rhodesian independence. 

1978 The European Court of Human Rights cleared the British
government of torture but found it guilty of inhuman and
degrading treatment of prisoners in Northern Ireland. 

1990 A jury in Los Angeles, CA, acquitted former preschool
operators Raymond Buckey and his mother, Peggy McMartin Buckey,
of 52 child molestation charges. 

1990 In an FBI sting, Washington, DC, Mayor Marion Barry was
arrested for drug possession. He was later convicted of a
misdemeanor. 

1991 Eastern Airlines shut down after 62 years in business due
to financial problems. 

1993 The Martin Luther King Jr. holiday was observed in all 50
U.S. states for the first time. 

1995 The "yahoo.com" domain was created. 

1995 A network of caves was discovered near the town of Vallon-
Pont-d'Arc in southern France. The caves contained paintings
and engravings that were 17,000 to 20,000 years old. 

1997 Hutu militiamen killed three Spanish aid workers and three
soldiers and seriously wounded an American in a night attack in
NW Rwanda. 

2000 The Chinese web services company Baidu, Inc. was
incorporated in Beijing. 

2002 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced the
approval of a saliva-based ovulation test. 

2012 Wikipedia began a 24-hour "blackout" in protest against
proposed anti-piracy legislation (S. 968 and H.R. 3261) known
as the Protect Intellectual Property Act (PIPA) in the Senate
and the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) in the House. Many
websites, including Reddit, Google, Facebook, Amazon and
others, contended would make it challenging if not impossible
for them to operate. 

2018  smiled.


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Power converters for traveling 





Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, January 17


No Gullible Warming here.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Teenager locked in Audi and raped by man 
offering a lift home ‘for her safety’


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 17 in
1893 The Kingdom of Hawaii's monarchy was overthrown when a
group of lawyers and businessmen and sugar planters forced
Queen Liliuokalani to abdicate. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The last time somebody said, 'I find I can write much better with a word processor.', I replied, 'They used to say the same thing about drugs.' --- Roy Blount Jr. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. --- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914) In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Bob had invited the pastor and his wife for dinner, and it was little Joey's job to set the table. But when it came time to eat, Joey's mother said with surprise, "Why didn't you give Mrs. Brown a knife and fork dear?" "I didn't think I needed to," as everyone listened as Joey explained, "I heard Daddy say she always eats like a horse." ____________________________________________________ During our church service one Sunday, a parishioner was speaking about an emotionally charged topic and had trouble controlling her tears. Finishing her remarks, she told the congregation, "I apologize for crying so much. I'm usually not such a big goob." The bishop rose to close the session and remarked, "That's okay. We like big boobs." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Ubud, Bali _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ "Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are, as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Andrew Green, 44, Atherton, England Teenager locked in Audi and raped by man offering a lift home ‘for her safety’ A man has been jailed after he offered a teenager a lift home ‘for her safety’ then raped her. The 18-year-old was waiting for a cab when Andrew Green pulled up in his white car. She mistook this for her taxi so got in. However, when she realised Green, 44, wasn’t a private hire driver, he locked the doors preventing her from getting out. She said she wanted to get out of the car but he told her he wanted to give her a lift home because his daughter was the same age and he hoped someone would help her if she was on her own. She offered him £10 to get away from the situation, but he then turned aggressive. Police said he then raped her ‘knowing she had nowhere to run and nowhere to hide’. Det Con Claire Hughes, of GMP’s Leigh CID, added: ‘It’s absolutely sickening that he tried to portray himself as a Good Samaritan when his only intentions were rape.’ Green, from Atherton, has was sentenced to six years and nine months in jail at Bolton Crown Court on Monday after earlier pleading guilty to rape. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Karen Re: Power Converters Dear Webby, What kind of power converters do I need for my laptop, camera and travel printer for traveling to Europe? Karen Dear Karen Most likely all you need is a light weight power bar like you use for very low power appliances like Christmas lights. Cut off the plug. When you get there, buy a cheap cord plug at any supermarket or electrical store, and put it at the cut end of your power cord. Almost all laptop and camera chargers are labeled 100V - 240V. They don't care. All you need to adapt is the plug at the end of your extension cord so that it fits into the quaint sockets, that they have over there. Most European countries use the same voltage, but differently shaped outlets, and some countries have more than one style. If you travel around much, you will soon accumulate a nice collection of plugs. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Manager: "For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high salary." Applicant: "Well, the work is much harder when you don't know what you're doing!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fruity Valentine Gelatin By joanWZ [118 Posts, 41 Comments] It's a fruity dessert for Valentine's Day! Not just for boyfriends and girlfriends but because I am a mom, for the whole family. I especially made this recipe for my two kids. Prep Time: 3 mins. Cook Time: 5 mins. Total Time: 10 mins. Ingredients: 3 cups water 1 sachet gelatin 1 cup white sugar 2 slices papaya, cut into small slices (or any fruit you want) 2 Tbsp sprinkles Steps: In a pan on low heat, add water and sachet of gelatin. adding gelatin packet Stir for 2 minutes on low heat. After 2 minutes add the sugar. Then, prepare the mold for the gelatin, and place the cut papaya fruit. After 5 minutes of stirring pour mixture through a strainer into the mold. This will eliminate lumps in the gelatin. Put it in the refrigerator for 30 minutes. Remove from mold. Decorate with sprinkles, chocolate chips, honey or anything you like. It is now ready to serve! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Make sure you use KNOX Gelatin for this recipe, NOT Jello, which is mostly sugar and 1/4 of the gelatin of a sachet of KNOX. If you use Jello, don't add sugar, and stir on low heat 5 minutes instead of 2. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Our Air National guard unit conducted weapons-qualifying at the firing range. We had been issued our last rounds of ammo and were firing at the silhouettes, when a great gust of wind ripped the targets from their frames, and they fluttered away. Firing stopped as we looked to the range officials. "Keep shooting, Boys," a voice yelled. "We've got 'em on the run now."
How about spending the night in an ice hotel modeled on A Game Of Thrones in Finland.
Thanks to Sandie for bringing back this classic: A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F." He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T." She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly. He again answered, "S-H-I-T." The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F." The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T." The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain. 'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank Goodness It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?" The man answered, "S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, January 17, in
1377 The Papal See was transferred from Avignon in France back
to Rome. 

1562 French Protestants were recognized under the Edict of St.
Germain. 

1773 Captain Cook's Resolution became the first ship to cross
the Antarctic Circle. 

1852 The independence of the Transvaal Boers was recognized by
Britain. 

1871 Andrew S. Hallidie received a patent for a cable car
system. 

1882 Thomas Edison's exhibit opened the Crystal Palace
Exhibition in London. 

1893 The Kingdom of Hawaii's monarchy was overthrown when a
group of lawyers and businessmen and sugar planters forced
Queen Liliuokalani to abdicate. 

1900 The U.S. took Wake Island where there was an important
cable link between Hawaii and Manila. 

1900 Yaqui Indians in Texas proclaimed their independence from
Mexico. 

1900 Mormon Brigham Roberts was denied a seat in the U.S. House
of Representatives for his practicing of polygamy. 

1905 Punchboards were patented by a manufacturing firm in
Chicago, IL. 

1912 English explorer Robert Falcon Scott reached the South
Pole. Norwegian Roald Amundsen had beaten him there by one
month. Scott and his party died during the return trip. 

1913 All partner interests in 36 Golden Rule Stores were
consolidated and incorporated in Utah into one company. The new
corporation was the J.C. Penney Company. 

1928 The fully automatic film-developing machine was patented
by A.M. Josepho. 

1934 Ferdinand Porsche submitted a design for a people's car, a
"Volkswagen," to the new German Reich government. 

1945 Soviet and Polish forces liberated Warsaw during World War
II. 

1945 Swedish diplomat Raoul Wallenberg disappeared in Hungary
while in Soviet custody. Wallenberg was credited with saving
tens of thousands of Jews. 

1959 Senegal and the French Sudan joined to form the Federal
State of Mali. 

1961 In his farewell address, U.S. President Eisenhower warned
against the rise of "the military-industrial complex." 

1966 A B-52 carrying four H-bombs collided with a refuelling
tanker. The bombs were released and eight crewmembers were
killed. 

1977 Double murderer Gary Gilmore became the first to be
executed in the U.S. in a decade. The firing squad took place
at Utah State Prison. 

1991 Coalition airstrikes began against Iraq after negotiations
failed to get Iraq to retreat from the country of Kuwait. 

1992 An IRA bomb, placed next to a remote country road in
County Tyrone, Northern Ireland, killed seven building workers
and injured seven others. 

1994 The Northridge earthquake rocked Los Angeles, CA,
registering a 6.7 on the Richter Scale. At least 61 people were
killed and about $20 billion in damage was caused. 

1995 More than 6,000 people were killed when an earthquake with
a magnitude of 7.2 devastated the city of Kobe, Japan. 

1997 A court in Ireland granted the first divorce in the Roman
Catholic country's history. 

1997 Israel gave over 80% of Hebron to Palestinian rule, but
held the remainder where several hundred Jewish settlers lived
among 20,000 Palestinians. 

1998 U.S. President Clinton gave his deposition in the Paula
Jones sexual harassment lawsuit against him. He was the first
U.S. President to testify as a defendant in a criminal or civil
lawsuit. 

2000 British pharmaceutical companies Glaxo Wellcome PLC and
SmithKline Beecham PLC agreed to a merger that created the
world's largest drugmaker. 

2001 Congo's President Laurent Kabila was shot and killed
during a coup attempt. Congolese officials temporarily placed
Kabila's son in charge of the government. 

2001 The director of Palestinian TV, Hisham Miki, was killed at
a restaurant when three masked gunmen walked up to his table
and shot him more than 10 times. 

2002 It was announced that Microsoft had signed a joint venture
agreement to produce software with two partners in China. The
two partners were Beijin Centergate Technologies (Holding) Co.
and the Stone Group.

2018  smiled.


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How to make a screen saver 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, January 16

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Killer arrested after he murdereed tow truck 
driver repossessing vehicle. 


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 16 in
1572 The Duke of Norfolk was tried for treason for complicity
in the Ridolfi plot to restore Catholicism in England. He was
executed on June 2. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur. --- Doug Larson Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo. --- H. G. Wells (1866 - 1946) I don't necessarily agree with everything I say. --- Marshall McLuhan I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated. --- Poul Anderson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child." "Sorry!" responded the underclassman. "I didn't realize you were pregnant." ____________________________________________________ An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for the little blue pill. The pharmacist asked "How many?" The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut each one into four pieces." The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through intimacy. The old fellow said, "Oh, I'm past ninety years old and I don't even think about intimacy much anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my new golf shoes." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ 'Stift Rein IX' in Eisbach, Styria, Austria No light reading in those days! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ You'll Know Yours Is A Redneck Church If: * The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. * People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em. * The pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering." Then five guys and two women stand up. * Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. * A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4- wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." * The choir is known as the "OK Chorale". * In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory. * Baptism is referred to as "branding". * There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic tank. * Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable. * High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling. * People think "rapture" is what you get when you slip while lifting a beer keg. * The baptismal font is a #2 galvanized washtub. * The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Towing and Junkyard. * The collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy. * Instead of a bell, you are called to service by an Ah-Oogha horn. * The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks. * The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink", in Styrofoam cups. " Thou shalt not covet" applies only to hunting dogs. * The final words of the benediction are, "Ya'll come back now!! Ya Hear" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Anton Robinson, 20, Petersburg, Virginia Killer arrested after he murdereed tow truck driver repossessing vehicle. According WTVR, Cindy and Jimmy Lee, owners of River City Recovery, are mourning the sudden and senseless death of their beloved employee, Allan Humphries. The 42-year-old man was murdered Thursday morning, shot in the back of the head while trying to repossess a car, according to Petersburg Police. The police officer had answered Allan`s phone, said Cindy. His best friend had called him to check on him and he hadn't answered the phone. Twenty-year-old Anton Robinson has been charged with first- degree murder in connection to the shooting. The Lees said Humphries never saw it coming. It wasn`t an altercation, because if there was an altercation, he would have left, said Jimmy. We`re all trained the same way. No vehicle is worth your life." The couple said that Humphries leaves behind a mother, brother, son, and young granddaughter. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marcy Re: Deleting individual cookies Good morning Webby I really like the picture of the 2 kids and the bird and would like to use it as a screen saver but I'm not sure how to do it. Could you tell me how to do it? I read your news letter the first thing every morning. peddlerfrank Dear Frank Make a new, easy to find, folder, name it Keepers Save the big version of the pictue to that folder. You can save all kinds of "keepers" to that folder. Open the Control Panel. Double-click on the display icon. Click the screen saver tab. Select Slideshow In there you can select the location of the files you want, your Keepers folder, and the delay and the duration of each picture. It is a good idea to make a subdirectory or two inside that Keepers directory. Make one for "Staging" (getting ready for Fathers Day) and one for "Bored", where you park the Christmas pictures, that you are bored with for now. Next December you can drag them upstairs to the Keepers directory, that the slide show looks for, and drag the Halloween pictures down to "Bored". You can have one or thousands of files in the Keepers folder. Set the delay to at least 30 seconds, so that the screen saver does not come on every time you stop to sneeze. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A tenant in an apartment house phoned the police that there was a fight going on in the apartment right over him. So when the policeman arrived at the upstairs apartment, he heard furniture being thrown around and signs of a good old family brawl. He rapped on the door with his night stick and the door was opened by a very determined and disheveled woman. "Who's head of the family here?" "You just wait a minute and I'll tell you. That's what we're trying to settle inside.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Our parish priest was making his visits to several homes in the neighborhood. He knocked on one door, and a little 4-year-old boy opened it. When he saw the priest, he called to his dad, "Hey, Dad! That guy that works for God is here!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Put a Pan Under Sink When Making Repairs If you change the faucet or drain in your kitchen or bathroom sink, put a shallow pan under the sink to catch any drips. Keep the pan there for 4 weeks to make sure water isn't accumulating. Check it periodically and tighten fixtures if necessary. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A college professor asked his class a question. "If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I?" One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon said "Professor you're 44.." The Professor said "You're absolutely correct, but tell me, how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?" The student said. "You see professor, I have a brother; he's 22, and he's half nuts."
The Worldâ s Steepest Cliff Railway Just Opened in the Swiss Alps
One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, "See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you'll never forget." They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a story. "Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting expedition in Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest my feet. I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep. I don't know how long I was asleep when I was awakened by a noise in the bushes. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest damn lion I'd ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this: RRROOAARRR!!! ...........I tell you, I just messed my pants." The young men looked astonished and one of them said, "I don't blame you, I would have messed my pants too if a lion jumped out at me." The old man shook his head and said, "No, no... not back then, just now, when I said RRROOAAARRR!!!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, January 16, in
1547 Ivan the Terrible was crowned Czar of Russia. 

1572 The Duke of Norfolk was tried for treason for complicity
in the Ridolfi plot to restore Catholicism in England. He was
executed on June 2. 

1759 The British Museum opened. 

1809 The British defeated the French at the Battle of Corunna,
in the Peninsular War. 

1866 Everett Barney patented the metal screw, clamp skate. 

1883 The United States Civil Service Commission was established
as the Pendleton Act went into effect. 

1900 The U.S. Senate consented to the Anglo-German treaty of
1899, by which the U.K. renounced rights to the Samoan islands.


1919 The 18th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which
prohibited the sale or transportation of alcoholic beverages,
was ratified. It was later repealed by the 21st Amendment. 

1920 Prohibition went into effect in the U.S. 

1920 The motion picture "The Kid" opened. 

1925 Leon Trotsky was dismissed as Chairman of the
Revolutionary Council of the USSR. 

1939 The "I Love a Mystery" debuted on NBC’s West-Coast
outlets. 

1944 General Dwight D. Eisenhower took command of the Allied
invasion force in London. 

1961 Mickey Mantle signed a contract that made him the highest
paid baseball player in the American League at $75,000 for the
1961 season. 

1964 "Hello Dolly!" opened at the St. James Theatre in New York
City. 

1970 Colonel Muammar el-Quaddafi became virtual president of
Libya. 

1970 Buckminster Fuller, the designer of the geodesic dome, was
awarded the Gold Medal of the American Institute of Architects.


1979 The Shah of Iran and his family fled Iran for Egypt. 

1982 Britain and the Vatican resumed full diplomatic relations
after a break of over 400 years. 

1985 "Playboy" magazine announced its 30-year tradition of
stapling centerfold models in the bellybutton and elsewhere
would come to an immediate end. 

1988 Jimmy "The Greek" Snyder was fired as a CBS sports
commentator one day after telling a TV station in Washington,
DC, that, during the era of slavery, blacks had been bred to
produce stronger offspring. 

1998 Researchers announce that an altered gene helped to defend
against HIV. 

1991 The White House announced the start of Operation Desert
Storm. The operation was designed to drive Iraqi forces out of
Kuwait. 

1992 Officials of the government of El Salvador and rebel
leaders signed a pact in Mexico City ending 12 years of civil
war. At least 75,000 people were killed during the fighting. 

1998 The first woman to enroll at Virginia Military Institute
withdrew from the school. 

1998 NASA officially announced that John Glenn would fly aboard
the space shuttle Discovery in October. 

1998 It was announced that Texas would receive $15.3 billion in
a tobacco industry settlement. The payouts were planned to take
place over 25 years. 

1998 Three federal judges secretly granted Kenneth Starr
authority to probe whether U.S. President Clinton or Vernon
Jordan urged Monica Lewinsky to lie about her relationship with
Clinton. 

2000 Ricardo Lagos was elected Chile's first socialist
president since Salvador Allende. 

2002 U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft announced that John
Walker Lindh would be brought to the United States to face
trial. He was charged in U.S. District Court in Alexandria, VA,
with conspiracy to kill U.S. citizens, providing support to
terrorist organizations, and engaging in prohibited
transactions with the Taliban of Afghanistan. 

2002 The U.N. Security Council unanimously adopted sanctions
against Osama bin Laden, his terror network and the remnants of
the Taliban. The sanctions required that all nations impose
arms embargoes and freeze their finances. 

2018  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, January 15

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man pulled over took 30 seconds to wake up


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 15 in
2001 Wikipedia was launched.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Time is that quality of nature which keeps events from happening all at once. Lately it doesn't seem to be working. --- Socratex Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. --- Aldous Huxley ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A friend, driving home from a fishing trip in northern Michigan with his boat in tow, had engine trouble a few miles inland from Lake Huron. He didn't have a cell phone or CB radio in his car, so he decided to use his marine radio to get help. Climbing into his boat, he broadcast his call letters and asked for assistance. A Coast Guard officer responded, "Please give your location." "I'm on Interstate-75, two miles south of Standish." The officer paused, "Could you repeat that?" "I-75, two miles south of Standish." A longer pause. Then an incredulous voice asked, "How fast were you going when you hit shore?" ____________________________________________________ A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, "Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!" The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use that kind of language in the Lord's House. The man said, "I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!" The preacher said, "No shit?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Judi was almost crazy with her three kids. She complained to her best friend, "They're driving me nuts. Such pests, they give me no rest and I'm half-way to the nut hatch." "What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself," her friend said. So Judi bought a playpen. A few days later, her friend called to ask how things were going. "Superb! I can't believe it," Judi said. "I get in that pen with my laptop and a thermos of coffee, and the kids don't bother me one bit!" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Moonhoon Choi, 36, Jacksonville, Florida Man pulled over took 30 seconds to wake up St. Johns County officials arrested Moonhoon Choi, 36, of Wisconsin, on Jan. 8 for drunk driving on U.S. 1 just South off Race Track Rd. with a breath alcohol test of 0.198. Responding to numerous complaints, officials found Choi asleep in the driver's seat of his car, parked in the right lane of U.S. 1 while traffic was free-flowing. After about 30 seconds of banging on the window to wake him up, Choi tried to drive forward, nearly hitting a PSA vehicle. Officers managed to stop the car, and Choi stepped out of the vehicle. An officer asked Choi where he was coming from, and Choi responded "Jacksonville." He then asked where he was headed and Choi responded "Jacksonville". Choi reportedly had the odor of alcohol emanating from his person, and claimed he "had a couple of beers" and that he and his friend were coming from the "brewery". Officers then asked Choi to do a few Field Sobriety tests, which he agreed to, and was unable to properly follow instructions. On at least three separate attempts he moved his head left and right instead of his eyes, he was unable to stay heel-to-toe on the line during the walk and turn test, and he was unable to do a one-leg stand without bending his knee or stepping down. Choi was arrested for operating a motor vehicle under the influence of alcohol. Choi's passenger, Changhyun Ahn, was also under the influence and, due to his inebriation, was unable to be left on the roadside without risking injury to himself or others. Unable to contact anyone they knew, police took Ahn to the county jail and placed him into protective custody. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marcy Re: Deleting individual cookies Dear Webby, Thank you for the information. Now for the stupid question ~How do I clear just that cookie? I have used a computer for about 7 years, but I really don't have much knowledge of how to do things unless someone tells me. I If you have the time, could you please tell me how to remove just one or two cookies? Thank you~ Marcy Dear Marcy The easiest way to sort out and clean your cookies is with CrapCleaner. In case you are one of the very few subscribers who have not gotten CrapCleaner yet, go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools and grab it. It's free! In CrapCleaner go to OPTIONS, COOKIES and drag the keepers (bank, Amazon, Barns&Noble, etc) to the right, and the ones you don't need to the left. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A young woman wasn't feeling well, and asked one her co-workers to recommend a physician. "I know a great one in the city, but he is very expensive. Five hundred dollars for the first visit, and one hundred dollars for each one after that." The woman went to the doctor's office and, trying to save a little money, cheerily announced. "I'm back!" Not fooled for a second, the doctor quickly examined her, squeezed a bit here and there, and said, "Very good, just continue the treatment I prescribed on your last visit."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I don't think I'll ever have a mother's intuition. My sister left me alone in a restaurant with my 10-month old nephew. I said, "What do I do if he cries?" She said "Give him some vegetables." It turns out that jalapeno is not his favorite. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Melanie's Greatest Ever Granola Mix: 1 cup of whole wheat flour, 4 cups of quick oatmeal, 1 cup of slivered almonds, 1 cup of coconut and 1/2 cup of brown sugar. Stir well, then add: 1/2 cup oil and 1/2 cup of honey. Directions: Combine it all well breaking up clumps then place on large cookie sheet and bake at 350 degrees F till golden brown. Use a spatula a few times and stir it around now and then. Can add raisins or dried fruit when done. Store in air tight container when cool. Great for breakfast with milk as a cereal or you can use in a granola bar recipe. By Melanie Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Morris went to his lawyer Birnbaum and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn't want to pay up. What should I do?" "Do you have any proof?" asked the lawyer. "Nope," Morris replied. "Okay, then write him a nasty letter asking him for the $1000 he owes you," said the lawyer Birnbaum. "But it's only $500," Morris insisted. "Precisely. That's what he will reply and we will then have the proof we need to nail him."
The World’s Steepest Cliff Railway Just Opened in the Swiss Alps
I look forward to the "Dear Webby's Humor Letter" every day. I enjoy the clean jokes, great tips, good thoughts/sayings, lots of valuable information. Plus, I don't have to worry about the grandchildren reading this e-mail. Keep up the good work Nellie ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, January 15, in
1559 England's Queen Elizabeth I (Elizabeth Tudor) was crowned
in Westminster Abbey. 

1624 Many riots occurred in Mexico when it was announced that
all churches were to be closed. 

1863 "The Boston Morning Journal" became the first paper in the
U.S. to be published on wood pulp paper. 

1870 A cartoon by Thomas Nast titled "A Live Jackass Kicking a
Dead Lion" appeared in "Harper's Weekly." The cartoon used the
donkey to symbolize the Democratic Party for the first time. 

1892 "Triangle" magazine in Springfield, MA, published the
rules for a brand new game. The original rules involved
attaching a peach baskets to a suspended board. It is now known
as basketball. 

1899 Edwin Markham's poem, "The Man With a Hoe," was published
for the first time. 

1913 The first telephone line between Berlin and New York was
inaugurated. 

1936 The first, all glass, windowless building was completed in
Toledo, OH. The building was the new home of the Owens-Illinois
Glass Company Laboratory. 

1943 The Pentagon was dedicated as the world's largest office
building just outside Washington, DC, in Arlington, VA. The
structure covers 34 acres of land and has 17 miles of
corridors. 

1945 CBS Radio debuted "House Party". The show was on the air
for 22 years. 

1953 Harry S Truman became the first U.S. President to use
radio and television to give his farewell as he left office. 

1955 The first solar-heated, radiation-cooled house was built
by Raymond Bliss in Tucson, AZ. 

1967 The first National Football League Super Bowl was played.
The Green Bay Packers defeated the Kansas City Chiefs of the
American Football League. The final score was 35-10. 

1973 U.S. President Nixon announced the suspension of all U.S.
offensive action in North Vietnam. 

1974 "Happy Days" premiered on ABC-TV. 

1987 Paramount Home Video reported that it would place a
commercial at the front of one of its video releases for the
first time. It was a 30-second Diet Pepsi ad at the beginning
of "Top Gun." 

2001 Wikipedia was launched. 

2003 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the U.S. Congress had
permission to repeatedly extend copyright protection. 

2006 NASA's Stardust space probe mission was completed when
it's sample return capsule returned to Earth with comet dust
from comet Wild 2. 

2018  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, January 14

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
British teenager bought bomb off dark web 
to kill parents ‘because they didn’t like 
his girlfriend’


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 14 in
1878 Alexander Graham Bell demonstrated the telephone for
Britain's Queen Victoria. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought. --- Simon Cameron (1799 - 1889) (Not like McCain) Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer when pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion. --- Robertson Davies ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer." He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way. About a month later the little lady came in to his shop. "And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly. "The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?" ____________________________________________________ Judy was speeding and an officer pulled her to the side of the road. She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window. After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?" "Yes, I do, officer," she replied. "Well," asked the officer, "do you always do it up with it looped through your steering wheel?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Angkor Wat Cambodia _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A noted psychiatrist was a guest at an artists gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' The hostess thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history...." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gurtej Randhawa, 19, Birmingham, England British teenager bought bomb off dark web to kill parents ‘because they didn’t like his girlfriend’ Gurtej Randhawa, 19, was arrested after he took delivery of what he believed was a remotely detonated explosive in May last year. But officers had replaced the package with a dummy device before it was delivered. A court heard Randhawa was planning to murder his parents after his mum discovered he was in a relationship with a girl she disapproved of. Fearing his parents would try to end the relationship, the teen hatched a plot to save losing his girlfriend. Gurtej Randhawa, 19, was seen collecting a package he believed were explosives he bought from the dark web. The National Crime Agency’s Armed Operations Unit arrested him after seeing him test the device. Randhawa pleaded guilty to attempting to import explosives and in November, he was found guilty of maliciously possessing an explosive substance with intent to cause serious injury. He was jailed for eight years at Birmingham Crown Court yesterday. Tim Gregory, from the NCA’s Armed Operations Unit, said: ‘The explosive device Randhawa sought to purchase online had the potential to cause serious damage and kill many people if he had been successful in using it. ‘He was not involved in an organised crime group or linked to terrorism, but his actions show he is someone who poses a significant risk to the community.’ Andy Young, from the CPS International Justice and Organised Crime Division, said: ‘Randhawa denied he planned to use the explosives to cause injury but the CPS demonstrated to the jury that this was a lie and Randhawa was observed attempting to test his device before being arrested. ‘Randhawa had used the dark web in an attempt to avoid detection but instead he is now serving a significant prison sentence.’ _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Leo Re: Step Skype back to before last update Dear Webby, Skype somehow managed to sneak in an unauthorized update, and it is a POS. Aside from making it klutzier and more space consuming, like all their updates do, it craps out frequently, and it uses more resources. How do I go back to previous versions? Leo Dear Leo Keep in mind, making those unwanted updates keeps huge herds of Microsoft employees off Welfare, and they don't like it when you dump their updates. They make it sound like you are going to lose everything, including that chocolate bar at the bottom of the computer case. Don't worry. The history and the addresses are safely up on the cloud. I have done it, and did not loose anything. The first step is to UNinstall Skype. Control Panel, Programs, Uninstall, Skype. Ignore the scary warnings by the Microsoft inmates, who want you to use the thilly new version. Just UNinstall the flakey new version. Then go to http://OldVersion.com or any of the sites, that have old versions, select a version you want, and download it. If you use Skype for business purposes, on the side of open spreadsheets or documents, then you might prefer a 6.x version, from before the hated bloating started. Version 7.16 is not as compact, but not as bloated as the current version, and unlike the current version, it is stable and does not suicide every few hours. It is also a lot easier on the resources. Oldversion.com is frequently VERY busy, and you might have to wait a few minutes. Take that as a sign of how valuable they are, and just go get some coffee. Once you have downloaded the file, run it. When Skype comes up, it will have found your user name and password and put your 5000 contacts in, ready to run. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Thanks to Cookie for this story: The homeowner got into his grubbiest clothes on Saturday morning and set about all the chores he'd been putting off for weeks. He'd cleaned the garage, pruned the hedge, and was halfway through mowing the lawn when a woman pulled in the driveway and yelled out her window, "Say, what do you get for yard work?" The fellow thought for a minute, then answered, "The cute lady who lives here lets me sleep with her."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!" Cashier: "Sir, you stepped away from the counter. We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now. That's the policy of this bank !" Customer: "Well, okay. Just thought you'd like to know that you gave me hundred dollars too much. Bye. " ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Grocery Bags for Cleaning the Litter Box If you use scoop-able cat litter, the bags you get at grocery stores work great for disposing of the litter. Just keep some near the litter box. Tie the bag handles together before throwing away and it will help cut down on odors in your garbage can. ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for more phone fun: Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it. The brand-new $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby and had acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola. From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by calls not for her. Since she had the same phone number for years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the motel management to change its number. Naturally, the management refused, claiming that it could not change its stationery. The phone company was not helpful, either. A number was a number, and just because a customer was getting someone else's calls 24 hours a day didn't make it responsible. After her pleas fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to take matters into her own hands. At 9 o'clock the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling the motel and asked for a room for the following Tuesday. Leoloa said, "No problem. How many nights?" A few hours later Dallas checked in. A secretary wanted a suite with two bedrooms for a week. Emboldened, Leola said the Presidential Suite on the 10th floor was available for $600 a night. The secretary said that she would take it and asked if the hotel wanted a deposit. "No, that won't be necessary," Leola said. "We trust you." The next day was a busy one for Leola. In the morning, she booked an electric appliance manufacturers' convention for Memorial Day weekend, a college prom and a reunion of the 82nd Airborne veterans from World War II. She turned on her answering machine during lunchtime so that she could watch the Oprah, but her biggest challenge came in the afternoon when a mother called to book the ballroom for her daughter's wedding in June. Leola assured the woman that it would be no problem and asked if she would be providing the flowers or did she want the hotel to take care of it. The mother said that she would prefer the hotel to handle the floral arrangements. Then the question of valet parking came up. Once again Leola was helpful. "There's no charge for valet parking, but we always recommend that the client tips the drivers." Within a few months, the Ribrock Plaza Motel was a disaster area. People kept showing up for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and Sweet Sixteen parties and were all told there were no such events. Leola had her final revenge when she read in the local paper that the motel might go bankrupt. Her phone rang, and an executive from Marriott said, "We're prepared to offer you $200,000 for the motel."
34th Harbin International Ice and Snow Festival
A man traveling in southern Indiana was headed for the Kentucky border ...when he saw a large sign, , , , "LAST CHANCE FOR $3.25 GAS!!!" He still had more than a quarter of a tank left, but figured he'd better take advantage of this opportunity to fill-up his tank. As he was getting his change from the attendant, he asked, "How much is gas in Kentucky?" The attendant replied, " $3.10 ". ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, January 14, in
1639 Connecticut's first constitution, the "Fundamental
Orders," was adopted. 

1784 The United States ratified a peace treaty with England
ending the Revolutionary War. 

1858 French emperor Napoleon III escaped an attempt on his
life. 

1873 John Hyatt's 1869 invention ‘Celluloid’ was registered as
a trademark. 

1878 Alexander Graham Bell demonstrated the telephone for
Britain's Queen Victoria. 

1907 An earthquake killed over 1,000 people in Kingston,
Jamaica. 

1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first U.S.
President to fly in an airplane while in office. He flew from
Miami, FL, to French Morocco where he met with British Prime
Minister Winston Churchill to discuss World War II. 

1953 Josip Broz Tito was elected president of Yugoslavia by the
country's Parliament. 

1954 Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were married. The marriage
lasted nine months. 

1954 The Hudson Motor Car Company merged with Nash-Kelvinator.
The new company was called the American Motors Corporation. 

1969 An explosion aboard the U.S. aircraft carrier Enterprise
off Hawaii killed 25 crew members. 

1985 Martina Navratilova won her 100th tournament. She joined
Jimmy Connors and Chris Evert Lloyd as the only professional
tennis players to win 100 tournaments. 

1986 "Rambo: First Blood, Part II" arrived at video stores. It
broke the record set by "Ghostbusters", for first day orders.
435,000 copies of the video were sold. 

1993 The British government pledged to introduce legislation to
criminalize invasions of privacy by the press. 

1994 U.S. President Clinton and Russian President Boris Yeltsin
signed Kremlin accords to stop aiming missiles at any nation
and to dismantle the nuclear arsenal of Ukraine. 

1996 Juan Garcia Abrego was arrested by Mexican agents. The
alleged drug lord was handed over to the FBI the next day. 

1998 Whitewater prosecutors questioned Hillary Rodham Clinton
at the White House for 10 minutes about the gathering of FBI
background files on past Republican political appointees. 

1998 In Dallas, researchers report an enzyme that slows the
aging process and cell death. 

1999 The impeachment trial of U.S. President Clinton began in
Washington, DC. 

1999 The U.S. proposed the lifting of the U.N. ceilings on the
sale of oil in Iraq. The restriction being that the money be
used to buy medicine and food for the Iraqi people. 

2000 A U.N. tribunal sentenced five Bosnian Croats to up to 25
years for the 1993 massacre of over 100 Muslims in a Bosnian
village. 

2004 In St. Louis, a Lewis and Clark Exhibition opened at the
Missouri History Museum. The exhibit featured 500 rare and
priceless objects used by the Corps of Discovery. 

2005 A probe, from the Cassini-Huygens mission, sent back
pictures during and after landing on Saturn's moon Titan. The
mission was launched on October 15, 1997.

2018  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, January 13

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Remember the Harbin Ice Festival?
Check out Barb's Bonus link! Lots of pictures.

Todays Bonehead Award:
Wanted Arizona man applies for job with police,
gets arrested.


Bonehead

Time to nag the Ezinefinder to update the voting to 2018.
You can try writing to 
support@cumuli.com
lewis@cumuli.com
You can still vote, but the votes count for 2017,
not for this year.
______________________________________________________
Today, January 13 in
1128 Pope Honorius II granted a papal sanction to the military
order known as the Knights Templar. He declared it to be an
army of God. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) Elections are won by men and women chiefly because most people vote against somebody rather than for somebody. --- Franklin P. Adams (1881 - 1960) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Sarah Goldstein once gave her son two sweaters for his birthday. The next time he visited, he made sure to wear one. As he entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, "What's the matter? You didn't like the other one?" ____________________________________________________ It's forty below zero one winter night in Alaska. Gary is drinking at his local saloon and the bartender says to him, "You owe me quite a bit on your tab." "Sorry," says Gary, "I'm flat broke this week." "That's okay," says the bartender. "I'll just write your name and the amount you owe me right here on the wall." Gary pleads, "I don't want any of my friends to see that." "They won't," says the bartender. "I'll just hang your parka over it until it's paid." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ ____________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?" "Manure," the farmer replied. "What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy. "Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer. "You should live here," the little boy advised him. "We put sugar on ours." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alberto Saaverda Lopez,32, Phoenix, Arizona Wanted Man Applies For Job With Police, gets arrested. In the latest installment of World’s Dumbest Criminals, a 32- year-old Phoenix man was arrested last week on suspicion theft while he worked at a Bank of America. In October of 2016, Bank of America told the Cottonwood Police Department that they suspected their employee, 32-year-old Alberto Saavedra Lopez, had stolen $5,000 from the bank over a three-month period. Lopez then quit his job at the bank, moved to Phoenix and refused to answer any calls or questions pertaining to the theft allegations, police said. Here’s where Lopez’s case of stupid comes in. After avoiding police for about a year, Lopez decided it would be a good idea to apply for a dispatcher job with the Cottonwood Police Department. Don’t adjust your computer screen. You read that correctly. A man who was wanted in connection to a theft investigation thought it was a great idea to apply to work at a police department. Of course, much like any law enforcement job, the Cottonwood Police did a background check on Lopez. Sure enough, the warrant for Lopez came up in their system, so authorities decided to make their job super easy by scheduling an interview with him. Little did Lopez know that the cops only set up the interview to make the arrest. The USA Today reported that Cottonwood Police said that Lopez was “out of the running for employment with the police department.” _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Cindy Re: Font sizes Dear Webby, Hi Webby, I so look forward to receiving your humor letter every day. It's by far the best on the web....as proven by all the votes you get. I've saved so many of the tips you've given. Today someone messed with my computer and changed the size of the fonts. I looked everywhere on the computer for a place to fix it. I couldn't find it anywhere. I looked in the tips I'd saved from you, since I knew you'd mentioned it more than once......but it seems I didn't save that tip. So I went to your letter to find out how to contact you to ask you a question I know you must have answered way too many times... ......and here is the answer right at the beginning, top right of the side menu, of the letter. Wow! what a help you are! Thanks from all of us who have a smoother life because of you!!! Your fan forever, Cindy Dear Cindy! Good for you! Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. While working in the psychology department at Glen Oaks Community College in Centreville, MI, I was asked to enlarge a chart for a meeting. I called the copy room and asked, "Can I get something blown up down there?" After a pause the voice on the line replied, "I think you want the chemistry lab."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
We were used to hearing my father proclaim, "Take it, Max," as he flipped on the cruise control during long trips in our station wagon. Recently, I was traveling with my parents in their new car when we hit a wide-open expanse of highway. My dad leaned back and said, "I think I'll let Tom drive for a while." "Tom who?" I asked. My mother translated for me: "Tom Cruise, of course." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Squeaky Dress Shoes The easiest solution to a fixing a squeaky shoe is to sprinkle some baby powder in the heel, under the insole if possible. If that doesn't work, it could be the nails that hold the shoe together are producing the squeak. You can fix that by carefully hammering the shoe on the sole. ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this story: An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed. "Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me." "But grandpa, I really don't lika guns. Howz about you leava me your Rolex watch instead?" "Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business. you gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa & lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple a bambinos." "Somma day you gonna comma home and maybe find you wife inna bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say "Times up"?
Lead up to the Harbin Ice and Snow Sculptures.
I hate it when people forward bogus warnings...but this one is real, and it's important. So please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list. If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!! IT IS A SCAM; they only want to see you naked. I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so silly now. Dolly P ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, January 13, in
1128 Pope Honorius II granted a papal sanction to the military
order known as the Knights Templar. He declared it to be an
army of God. 

1854 Anthony Faas of Philadelphia, PA, was granted the first
U.S. patent for the accordion. He made improvements to the
keyboard and enhanced the sound. 

1898 Emile Zola's "J'accuse" was published in Paris. 

1900 In Austria-Hungary, Emperor Franz Joseph decreed that
German would be the language of the imperial army to combat
Czech nationalism. 

1906 Hugh Gernsback, of the Electro Importing Company,
advertised radio receivers for sale for the price of just $7.50
in "Scientific American" magazine. 

1928 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson gave the first public
demonstration of television. 

1942 Henry Ford patented the plastic automobile referred to as
the "Soybean Car." The car was 30% lighter than the average
car. The media did not like it.

1966 Robert C. Weaver became the first black Cabinet member
when he was appointed Secretary of Housing and Urban
Development by U.S. President Johnson. 

1984 Wayne Gretzky extended his NHL consecutive scoring streak
to 45 games. 

1990 L. Douglas Wilder of Virginia, the nation's first elected
black governor, took the oath of office in Richmond. 

1992 Japan apologized for forcing tens of thousands of Korean
women to serve as sex slaves for Japanese soldiers during World
War II. 

1998 NBC agreed to pay almost $13 million for each episode of
the TV show E.R. It was the highest amount ever paid for a TV
show. 

1998 ABC and ESPN negotiated to keep "Monday Night Football"
for $1.15 billion a season. 

2002 Japan and Singapore signed a free trade pact that would
remove tariffs on almost all goods traded between the two
countries.

2002 U.S. President George W. Bush fainted after choking on a
pretzel. 

2009 Ethiopian military forces began pulling out of Somalia,
where they had tried to maintain order for nearly two years. 

2018  smiled.


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Rule 240 at airports 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, January 12
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Wanted Texan has social security number 
tattooed on his forehead


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 12 in
1940 Soviet bombers raided cities in Finland. Finland asked
Germany for help. Finland switched sides to the Allied side
shortly before WWII was over.

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ First you're an unknown, then you write one book and you move up to obscurity. --- Martin Myers You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart. --- Fred Allen (1894 - 1956) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Farmer wins the ten million dollar lottery and is being interviewed. He is asked what he is going to do with all the money. "Oh, I guess the first thing I'll do is go and pay a few bills." "And what about the rest?" the reporter asks. Farmer shrugs. "Well, I guess they'll just have to wait" ____________________________________________________ There was a little old lady from a small town in Arkansas who had to go to Texas. She was amazed at the size of her hotel and her suite. She went into the huge cafe and said to the waitress, who took her order for a cup of coffee, that she had never before seen anything as big as the hotel or her suite. "Everything's big in Texas ma'am," said the waitress. The coffee came in the biggest cup the old lady had ever seen. "I told you, ma'am, that everything is big in Texas," said the waitress. On her way back to her suite, the old lady got lost in the vast corridors. She opened the door of a darkened room and fell into an enormous swimming pool. "Please!" she screamed. "Don't flush it!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Automatic window washer ____________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ From Rosa Our family owned restaurant is the setting for many of our discussions about how to handle the customer who asks, "What's good tonight?" Obviously, we would never serve anything we didn't think was good. I braced myself one Saturday night when I heard the dreaded question posed to my husband. He calmly replied, "Anything over $13.95." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Robert Wooten, 40, Houston, Texas Wanted Texan has social security number tattooed on his forehead Is Robert Wooten’s identity worth stealing? The 40-year-old Texan is a career criminal whose rap sheet includes multiple felony convictions and prison terms. He is currently wanted in connection with a series of armed robberies in Houston. It is not hard to identify Wooten (seen above) since he has his own social security number tattooed on his forehead (not to mention Houston’s area code, 713, inked on his throat). Members of the public are being asked to call the Houston Police Department or Crime Stoppers of Houston if they have information about Wooten’s whereabouts. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Glenis Re: Rule 240 Dear Webby, Dear Webby, You travel a lot. What is "Rule 240" really about, and how does it apply under the current security restrictions? Glenis Dear Glenis Actually, I have not travelled for a few years now. I bet you saw somebody march up to a ticket counter, mentioned "Rule 240"and was instantly given wads of hotel vouchers and tickets. "Rule 240" used to be the federal compensation schedule for passengers inconvenienced by delays due to air line mess-ups. Nowadays each airline has their own "Rule 240" filed with the DOT. The "Rule 240" filings are usually quite straight forward. IF you were at the gate on time, and IF there was no force majeure" events: weather, strikes, "acts of God," or other occurrences that the airlines say they cannot control, or you miss a connection because they were late, they promise to put you up in a decent hotel, give you alternate tickets and meal vouchers. Where the fun comes in is that 99% of the airport counter staff have at one time or another heard about "Rule 240", but have no clue where they can find the copy that is supposed to be at each counter. So they usually fall all over themselves to err on the safe side, rather than get in trouble. You can get the "Rule 240" filings at http://www.mytravelrights.com/travellaw.cfm?ai=3 If the take-off is delayed because of security problems, then the air line is theoretically off the hook, but very few counter staffers know enough about "Rule 240" to intelligently dispute the points, and so they rather give you vouchers. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. From Myrna One morning I was called to pick up my son at the school nurse's office. When I walked through the main entrance, I noticed a woman, curlers in her hair, wearing pajamas. "Why are you dressed like that?" I asked her. "I told my son," she explained, "that if he ever did anything to embarrass me, I would embarrass him back. He was caught cutting school. So now I've come to spend the day with him!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you," the doctor told his anxious patient, "You only have six months to live." The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes. Regaining his composure, he apologetically told his physician that he had no medical insurance -- "I can't possibly pay you in that time." "OK," said the doctor, "Let's make it a year." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Squeaky Door You can easily fix a squeak door by spraying the hinges with WD40. A little Vaseline or even cooking spray will also do the trick. If it is your own house, then you might want to use a dry moly lubricant spray. It dries to a slick, waxy surface that does not attract dust and grit. It is perfectly clear and the only way you can tell it's presence, is that areas where you over-sprayed beside the hinge, feel slippery to the touch. But they are dry and none of the waxy coating comes off and onto your fingers. It also works very well in locks. You won't be hit with a cleaning charge if a locksmith has to work on it to re-key it, as you would, when you used graphite or WD40. DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Phil from Oz for this story: One day some soldiers from a nearby Army camp saw a boy leading a donkey. They thought they would have some fun with him. "Say, boy," called out one of the soldiers. "You sure are keeping a tight rein on your brother, aren't you?" "Sure am," said the boy. "If I didn't he would probably join the Army."
An iBand! Cool!
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "My goodness, doc, exactly what's my problem?" Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, January 12, in
1519 Holy Roman Emperor Maximilian I died. 

1773 The first public museum in America was established in
Charleston, SC. 

1866 The Royal Aeronautical Society was founded in London. 

1875 Kwang-su was made emperor of China. 

1879 The British-Zulu War began when the British invaded
Zululand. 

1882 Thomas Edison's central station on Holborn Viaduct in
London began operation. 

1896 At Davidson College, several students took x-ray
photographs. They created the first X-ray photographs to be
made in America. 

1904 Henry Ford set a new land speed record when he reached
91.37 miles per hour. 

1908 A wireless message was sent long-distance for the first
time from the Eiffel Tower in Paris. 

1938 Austria recognized the Franco government in Spain. 

1940 Soviet bombers raided cities in Finland. Finland asked
Germany for help. Finland switched sides to the Allied side
shortly before WWII was over.

1942 U.S. President Roosevelt created the National War Labor
Board. 

1943 The Office of Price Administration announced that standard
frankfurters/hot dogs/wieners would be replaced by 'Victory
Sausages.' Most people called them Victory Wieners.

1945 During World War II, with US help the Soviet forces began
a huge offensive against the Germans in Eastern Europe. 

1948 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that states could not
discriminate against law-school applicants because of race. 

1960 Dolph Schayes of the Syracuse Nationals became the first
pro basketball player in the NBA to score more than 15,000
points in his career. 

1964 Leftist rebels in Zanzibar began their successful revolt
against the government and a republic was proclaimed. 

1966 U.S. President Johnson said in his State of the Union
address that the United States should stay in South Vietnam
until Communist aggression there was ended. 

1966 "Batman" debuted on ABC-TV. 

1967 "Dragnet" returned to NBC-TV after being off the network
schedule for eight years. 

1970 The breakaway state of Biafra capitulated and the Nigerian
civil war came to an end. 

1971 "All In the Family" debuted on CBS-TV. My Hero!

1973 Yassar Arafat was re-elected as head of the Palestinian
Liberation Organization. 

1986 Space shuttle Columbia blasted off with a crew that
included the first Hispanic-American in space, Dr. Franklin R.
Chang-Diaz.

1991 The U.S. Congress passed a resolution authorizing
President Bush to use military power to force Iraq out of
Kuwait. 

1995 Northern Ireland Secretary Patrick Mayhew announced that
as of January 16 British troops would no longer carry out
daylight street patrols in Belfast. 

1998 Tyson Foods Inc. pled guilty to giving $12,000 to former
Agriculture Secretary Mike Espy. Tyson was fined $6 million. 

1998 19 European nations agreed to prohibit human cloning. 

1998 Linda Tripp provided Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr's
office with taped conversations between herself and former
White House intern Monica Lewinsky. 

1999 Mark McGwire's 70th home run ball was sold at auction in
New York for $3 million to an anonymous bidder. 

2000 The U.S. Supreme Court, in a 5-4 ruling, gave police broad
authority to stop and question people who run at the sight of
an officer. 

2005 NASA launched "Deep Impact". The spacecraft was planned to
impact on Comet Tempel 1 after a six-month, 268 million-mile
journey. 

2018  smiled.


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Best location for computer 





Good Morning, ,
Today Thursday, January 11

Thank you, Ron!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:

Foster dad accused of more than 900 rapes 
and violent acts against 13 - 17 yr old girls 


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 11 in
1770 The first shipment of rhubarb was sent to the United
States from London.

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength. --- Eric Hoffer (1902 - 1983) "Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use." --- Wendell Johnson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A teacher asked one of the boys in her class, "Can people predict the future with cards?" His response was, "My mother can." The teacher replied, "Really?" The young boy was quick to explain, "Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home." ____________________________________________________ A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote:"I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?" An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Cape Canaveral Lighthouse, 150 years ____________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A very refined young man comes to a small food shop and sees fruit. "Give me two kilograms of oranges and wrap every orange up in a separate piece of paper, please," he says to the saleswoman. She does it. "And three kilograms of cherries, please, and wrap up every berry in a separate piece of paper, too." She does. "And what is it there," he asks pointing out at something dark in the corner. "Raisins," says the saleswoman, "but they're not for sale." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Viktor Lishavsky,34, Komsomolsk-on-Amur, Russia Foster dad accused of more than 900 rapes and violent acts against 13 - 17 yr old girls Reports in Russia say if convicted Viktor Lishavsky could be the ‘world’s worst paedophile’ after allegedly treating five schoolgirls as his ‘personal harem’. According to Ren TV, 34-year-old Lishavsky is alleged to have ‘had sex with one or another foster daughter every other day, or every third day’ at an apartment he rented with money earnt as a foster parent. Lishavsky, viewed as a model father by officials in the Khabarovsk region of east Russia, allegedly abused the girls over the course of five years. Police were alerted after one of the foster girls complained to a teacher and he was arrested in June last year in Komsomolsk-on-Amur. But he has only now been identified as more details of his alleged crimes have been released. Lishavsky is accused of 248 rapes and 358 ‘violent sexual acts’ against girls aged 13 or under, and also faces charges of more than 270 sex attacks involving girls aged between 12 and 17. The Sun reported he has also been accused of another 22 ‘violent acts of a sexual nature’ against girls below 14-years- old. He also allegedly committed a further 11 rapes or sexual attacks in which he threatened murder or serious harm to health. In total, he faces 919 charges, with all but a handful involving sex abuse. Social services in Khabarovsk have also been accused of negligence in putting vulnerable children, including orphans, under his supervision. He is said to have had three children of his own with his common law wife Olga, and fostered up to nine children with her. No charges have been brought against her. Education chief Alla Kuznetsova said thefamily passed repeated social service inspections and there were ‘no alarms at all’. The five girls he allegedly abused have been sent back to the orphanage. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Allan Re: Location for computer Dear Webby, Dear Webby, What is a better location for my computer, in a snug cubbyhole on my desk, or on the floor below the desk? Allan Dear Allan On the floor, without any doubt whatsoever. You have to be able to get at the cable sockets on the back. That alone rules out a snug cubbyhole. However, the most important reason is cooling. There is nothing that kills a computer faster than inadequate cooling. It needs unresticted air flow that it can draw through the computer ONCE. Not re-use the heated air for that. Just put it on the floor and once or twice a year vacuum out the dust bunnies and clean the heat sinks. It helps if yopu can set it onto some bricks or 2 x 4. The dust bunnies and all their kids cruise on the floor. A few inches above the floor will miss all that traffic. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A new convert to Catholicism decided to go to confession to deal with his transgression. In the confessional, he told the priest that he had sinned. "What was your sin, my son?" asked the priest. "I stole some lumber, Father," replied the man. "How much lumber did you steal?" asked the priest. "Father, I built my German Shepherd dog a nice new doghouse." The priest replied, "Well, that's not so bad." The man continued, "Father, I also built myself a 4-car garage." "Well, now, that's a little more serious." "Father, there's more. In addition to the doghouse, the 4-car garage, I also built a 5 bedroom, 4 bath house!" With a pause, the priest finally spoke. "That is a little more serious. I'm afraid you'll have to make a novena." "Father, I'm not sure what a novena is, but if you've got the blueprints, I've got the lumber!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
From Goldie: The preacher came over the other day. He said that, at my age, I should be thinking of the hereafter. I told him that I do it all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I ask myself, "Now, what am I here after?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Insulating Windows By CPJ [60 Posts, 123 Comments] We live in an older rental home and almost all the windows are singled paned so before the Arctic weather arrived I went to Home Depot and bought 4 x 8 panels of insulation at $8.95 a sheet. It is it's in the building/contractor section, and is silver on one side and 1/2 an inch white foam on the other. None of the windows match. Some are little frames 10 inches by 7.5 inches, others are a little larger and a few that are large. I trimmed and cut pieces to be placed directly on the glass. Silver side touching the glass, white side facing inside the room. From the outside of the house it looks like all the windows are covered with aluminum foil. I figured out a way to be able to attach and remove the larger pieces of insulation with Velcro strips to hold it in place. Part of the Velcro on the window frame and part on the insulation, so I would have light. Every day at 4 PM I put the insulation back in the windows. We kept the house at 74 and during the night it would drop down to 63-64 in the den. For about the same price you can get greenhouse panels. They are similar to the plastic election signs, but 1/4 to 1" thick, and they are clear. Not as clear as glass, but you can recognize people outside. After twenty years they get a bit less clear, but the sun still shines through and you see and recognize people on the outside. Dad got over 25 years so far out of a greenhouse with just those panels and aluminum framework. No glass. He never removes them, just lets the rain and snow clean them. And he grows cacti in there. In your case, it would be like adding double pane windows with a high efficiency air gap. The benefit of the suns heat and light are worth much more than the difference in price! Just do one window at a time! Bubble Wrap is an ultra-cheap alternative. Attach it with double-sided tape. You get the free heat and light from the sun, which is worth a lot! Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ A wealthy man is having an affair with an Italian woman and has continued the affair for a few years. One night, over dinner at the mistress's favorite Italian restaurant, she confides in him that she's pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he offers to pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. And if she stayed in Italy, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agrees, but asks how he would know when the baby was born. To keep everything discreet, he tells her to mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. Upon receiving the postcard, he would then arrange for child support. About 9 months later, the man comes home to his extremely confused wife. "Honey," she replies, "you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he says. The wife obeys, and watches as her husband reads the card, turns white, and faints. On the card was written, "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."
IPhotos of historic events that some people never knew existed.
Thanks to Cookie for this story: Dear Diary...... DAY ONE I am all packed and ready to get on the cruise ship. I've packed all my pretty dresses and make-up. I'm really excited. ___________________________________________________ DEAR DIARY. DAY TWO We spent the entire day at sea. It was beautiful and we saw some whales and dolphins. What a wonderful vacation this has started to be. I met the Captain today and he seems like a very nice man. __________________________________________________ DEAR DIARY. DAY THREE I spent some time in the pool today. I also did some shuffle boarding and hit some golf balls off the deck. The Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. I felt honored and we had a wonderful time. He is a very attractive and attentive gentleman. ___________________________________________________ DEAR DIARY. DAY FOUR Went to the ship's casino. Did OK ... Won about $80. The Captain invited me to have dinner with him in his state room. We had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night but I declined. I told him there was no way I could be unfaithful to my husband. ___________________________________________________ DEAR DIARY .. DAY FIVE Went back to the pool today and got a little sunburned. I decided to go to the piano bar and spend the rest of the day inside. The Captain saw me and bought me a couple of drinks. He really is a charming gentleman He again asked me to visit him for the night and again I declined. He told me that if I didn't let him have his way with me he would sink the ship. I was appalled. ___________________________________________________ DEAR DIARY . DAY SIX I saved 1600 lives today...... Twice. ----------------- That reminds me... ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, January 11, in
1569 England's first state lottery was held. 

1770 The first shipment of rhubarb was sent to the United
States from London. 

1867 Benito Juarez returned to the Mexican presidency,
following the withdrawal of French troops and the execution of
Emperor Maximilian. 

1878 In New York, milk was delivered in glass bottles for the
first time by Alexander Campbell. 

1902 "Popular Mechanics" magazine was published for the first
time. 

1913 The first sedan-type car was unveiled at the National
Automobile Show in New York City. The car was manufactured by
the Hudson Motor Company. 

1922 At Toronto General Hospital, Leonard Thompson became the
first person to be successfully treated with insulin. 

1935 Amelia Earhart Putnam became the first woman to fly solo
from Hawaii to California. 

1942 Japan declared war against the Netherlands. The same day,
Japanese forces invaded the Dutch East Indies. 

1943 The United States and Britain signed treaties
relinquishing extraterritorial rights in China. 

1964 U.S. Surgeon General Luther Terry released a report that
said that smoking cigarettes was a definite health hazard. 

1973 The Open University awarded its first degrees. 

1973 Owners of American League baseball teams voted to adopt
the designated-hitter rule on a trial basis. 

1977 France released Abu Daoud, a Palestinian suspected of
involvement in the massacre of Israeli athletes at the 1972
Munich Olympics. 

1978 Two Soviet cosmonauts aboard the Soyuz 27 capsule linked
up with the Salyut 6 orbiting space station, where the Soyuz 26
capsule was already docked. 

1980 Nigel Short, age 14, from Bolton in Britain, became the
youngest International Master in the history of chess. 

1988 U.S. Vice President George Bush met with representatives
of independent counsel Lawrence E. Walsh to answer questions
about the Iran-Contra affair. 

1991 An auction of silver and paintings that had been acquired
by the late Ferdinand Marcos and his wife, Imelda, brought in a
total of $20.29 million at Christie's in New York. 

1996 Ryutaro Hashimoto become Japan's prime minister. He
replaced Tomiichi Murayama who had resigned on January 5, 1996.


2001 The Texas Board of Criminal Justice released a review of
the escape of the "Texas 7." It stated that prison staff missed
critical opportunities to prevent the escape by ignoring a fire
alarm, not reporting unsupervised inmates and not demanding
proper identification from inmates. 

2001 The U.S. Federal Trade Commission approved the merger of
America Online and Time Warner to form AOL Time Warner.

2018  smiled.


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SMTP Filtering 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, January 10

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:

Hunt underway for mother, boyfriend in 
torture and death of 4-year-old


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 10 in
2002 In France, the "Official Journal" reported that all women
could get the morning-after contraception pill for free in
pharmacies. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something. --- Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988 The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky. --- Solomon Short It is a great ability to be able to conceal one's ability. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. --- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Sister Mary, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a gas station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gas, and carried the full bedpan back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two men watched from across the street. One of the them turned to the other and said, "If it starts, I'm turning Catholic." ____________________________________________________ Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church ladies' group bake sale in Tuscaloosa, but she forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets she found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying her hair and dressing and helping her son Bryan pack up for Scout camp. But when Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured. She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake." This cake was so important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of new friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found it in the bathroom -- a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect! Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened at 9:30, and to buy that cake and bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found that the attractive perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her Mom. Alice was horrified she was beside herself. Everyone would know, what would they think? Oh, my she wailed! She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed. All night Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing their fingers at her and talking about her behind her back. The next day, Alice promised herself that she would try not to think about the cake and she would attended the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a friend of a friend and try to have a good time. Alice did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP 'd she could not think of a believable excuse to stay home. The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old South... and to Alice's horror, the CAKE in question was presented for dessert. Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake, she started, out of her chair to rush to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "What a beautiful cake!" Alice, who was still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, Thank you, I baked it myself." Alice smiled and thought to herself, "GOD is good." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ ____________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Two psychiatrists were at a convention. As they conversed over a drink, one asked, "What was your most difficult case?" The other replied, "I had a patient who lived in a pure fantasy world. He believed that an uncle in South America was going to die and leave him a fortune. All day long he waited for a letter to arrive from an attorney. He never went out, he never did anything, he merely sat around and waited for this fantasy letter from this fantasy uncle. I worked with this man eight years." "What was the result?" "It was an eight-year struggle. Every day for eight years, but I finally cured him. And then that stupid letter arrived!" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Old mug shots from previous arrests Candice Renea Diaz, 24, Brad Edward Fields, 28, Sumpter, Michigan Hunt underway for mother, boyfriend in torture and death of 4-year-old Michigan authorities are searching for a mother and her boyfriend who are accused of torturing and killing her four- year-old daughter. The young girl, found by family on New Year’s Day at the Rawsonville Woods mobile home community, was unresponsive with her limbs covered in severe burns, Fox2 reported. There were attempts to revive her and she was rushed to St. Joseph Mercy Hospital in Ann Arbor where she was pronounced dead. Candice Renea Diaz, 24, and Brad Edward Fields, 28, have been charged with felony murder, murder in the second degree, first degree child abuse and torture, Sumpter Township police said. An autopsy on Jan. 3 ruled the girl’s death a homicide. It also revealed further traumatic injuries and evidence of Battered Child Syndrome, police said. Fields was also charged as a habitual offender, previously arrested for domestic violence. Police say the couple are believed to be driving black 2002 Chevrolet Cavalier with the Michigan license plate DTR1854. Too late for details: .. marshals arrested 24-year-old Candice Renea Diaz and 28- year-old Brad Edward Fields as they drove near Lake Park, Georgia. Police from Sumpter, the couple’s home town, confirmed the arrest just before 4 p.m. EST but didn’t have further details. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Allan Re: SMTP filtering Dear Webby, Dear Webby, My ISP, Telus, is dumping too much of my outgoing mail with their mis-configured SMTP filters. How do I get around that? Writing to their support is useless, they apparently filter and dump their own responses too. Thanks Allan Dear Allan Telus DSL is OK for areas where you can't get other ISPs, but I agree that their mail is often a problem. Luckily it's easy enough to get around them, or any ISP, by using a remote SMTP server. A very popular and easy to use remote SMTP is at Softstack It's easy to set up and it's free. If you want something fancier with more options, there is PostCastServer for $49. A fringe benefit of using a remote SMTP is that you never have to change it when you travel. Considering that only very few hotels nowadays allow you to use their SMTP, you are never stuck when you use a remote one like Postcast. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance. "Teddy," he called, "how many more times do I have I to tell you to come downstairs quietly? Now, go back upstairs and come down like a civilized human being." There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room. "That's better," said his father. "Now in the future you will always come downstairs like that." "OK," said Teddy. "I slid down the railing."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A spiritualist who'd recently been widowed met a colleague and reported excitedly that she'd just received a message from her dead husband - asking her to send him a pack of cigarettes. "The only thing is," she mused, "that I don't know where to send them." "Why not?" asked her friend. "Well, he didn't actually say that he was in Heaven - but I can't imagine he'd be in Hell." "Hm," responded the friend. "Well, maybe I shouldn't bring this up, but...he didn't mention anything about including matches in the package, did he?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Hardwood Floors Daily cleaning of hardwood floors can be a challenge, especially if you have pets. The best tool I have found for daily maintenance of my hardwood floors is a good vacuum cleaner. Mine has a low setting made for flat floors and it works well for pet hair, dust and paw prints. Make sure you let muddy paw prints dry before trying to vacuum. ____________________________________________________ At the retreat, Sam and Anni were told to individually write a sentence using the words 'sex' and 'love.' Anni wrote: 'When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and that they respect each other very much, just like Sam and I, it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the act of physical sex with one another.' Sam wrote: 'I love sex.'
It's a Southern thing.
Jack had gone to propose to his girlfriend and returned home crying bitterly. "What happened, son?" his father asked, eagerly awaiting her response. "Did she accept?" "No, she sure didn't," sobbed Jack. "When I told her what you advised me to say, she slapped my face and told me to get out." "Did you begin by telling her what I told you to say, what I told your mother when she accepted my proposal? 'Sweetheart, time stands still when I look in your eyes.' Did you tell her that?" asked his father. "Oh boy, dad, did I get it all wrong," Jack groaned. "I said, 'My Dear, you have a face that would stop a clock'!" __________________________________________________ Days of the month: January 1 New Year's Day 1 First Foot Day 1 Polar Bear Swim Day 1 First Cheese Factory Opened 2 Drinking Straw patented 3 Festival of Sleep Day 3 National Chocolate Covered Cherry Day 4 Trivia Day 4 Tennis Day 4 Flower Basket Day 4 National Spaghetti Day 5 National Whipped Cream Day 5 Bird Day 6 Bean Day 7 Old Rock Day 7 Panama Canal Day 7 Typewriter Patented 8 Rock 'n' Roll Day 8 First Computer Patented 10 Peculiar People Day 10 Volunteer Fireman's Day 11 Secret Pal Day 11 International Thank You Day 11 Pharmacist's Day 11 National Milk Day (milk delivered in bottles for first time- 1878) 12 Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day 13 Make Your Dreams Come True Day 14 National Dress Up Your Pet Day 15 Hat Day 16 Hot and Spicy Food International Day 16 Religious Freedom Day 16 National Fig Newton Day 16 National Nothing Day 17 Pig Day 17 Ben Franklin's Birthday (born 1706) 18 Winnie the Pooh Day 19 National Popcorn Day 19 Archery Day 19 Robert E. Lee's Birth Anniversary (born 1807) 20 Cheese Day 20 Basketball Day 21 Hat Day 21 National Hugging Day 23 National Handwriting Day 23 National Pie Day 23 Measure Your Feet Day 24 National Peanut Butter Day 24 Eskimo Pie Patent Day (by Christian Nelson in 1922) 24 Gold discovered in California (Sutter's Mill in 1848) 24 National School Nurse Day 25 Opposite Day 25 Observe the Weather Day 26 National Popcorn Day 26 National Peanut Brittle Day 27 National Chocolate Cake Day 27 Australia Day (the day Sydney, Australia was settled in 1778) 27 National School Nurse Day 28 National Kazoo Day 28 Bald Eagle Day 29 National Rattle Snake Roundup Day 29 National Puzzle Day 29 National Corn Chip Day 30 Escape Day 31 National Popcorn Day 31 National Backwards Day ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, January 10, in
1776 "Common Sense" by Thomas Paine was published. 

1840 The penny post, whereby mail was delivered at a standard
charge rather than paid for by the recipient, began in Britain.

1863 Prime Minister Gladstone opened the first section of the
London Underground Railway system, from Paddington to
Farringdon Street. 

1870 John D. Rockefeller incorporated Standard Oil. 

1901 Oil was discovered at the Spindletop oil field near
Beaumont, TX. 

1911 Major Jimmie Erickson took the first photograph from an
airplane while flying over San Diego, CA. 

1920 The League of Nations ratified the Treaty of Versailles,
officially ending World War I with Germany. 

1920 The League of Nations held its first meeting in Geneva. 

1927 Fritz Lang's film "Metropolis" was first shown, in Berlin.

1928 The Soviet Union ordered the exile of Leon Trotsky. 

1978 The Soviet Union launched two cosmonauts aboard a Soyuz
capsule for a redezvous with the Salyut VI space laboratory.

1981 In El Salvador, Marxist insurgents launched a "final
offensive". 

1984 The United States and the Vatican established full
diplomatic relations for the first time in more than a century.

1990 Chinese Premier Li Peng ended martial law in Beijing after
seven months. He said that crushing pro-democracy protests had
saved China from "the abyss of misery." 

1990 Time Inc. and Warner Communications Inc. completed a $14
billion merger. The new company, Time Warner, was the world's
largest entertainment company. 

1994 In Manassas, VA, Lorena Bobbitt went on trial. She had
been charged with maliciously wounding her husband John. She
was acquitted by reason of temporary insanity. 

1997 Shelby Lynne Barrackman was strangled to death by her
grand-father when she licked the icing off of cupcakes. He was
convicted of the crime on September 15, 1998. 

2000 It was announced that Time-Warner had agreed to buy
America On-line (AOL). It was the largest-ever corporate merger
priced at $162 billion. The Federal Trade Commission (FTC)
approved the deal on December 14, 2000. 

2001 American Airlines agreed to acquire most of Trans World
Airlines (TWA) assets for about $500 million. The deal brought
an end to the financially troubled TWA. 

2002 In France, the "Official Journal" reported that all women
could get the morning-after contraception pill for free in
pharmacies. 

2003 North Korea announced that it was withdrawing from the
global nuclear arms control treaty and that it had no plans to
develop nuclear weapons. 

2018  smiled.


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aWhich FTP program is best? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, January 9

Thank You, Michael!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:

Suspect's attempted getaway on ATV 
ended up in the dirt


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 9 in
1902 New York State introduced a bill to outlaw 
flirting in public. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable. --- Fran Lebowitz (1950 - ) Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual. --- Terry Pratchett ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Irma for this story: One day, while driving with my 5 year old daughter Melanie, I beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at me as if she was demanding an explanation. I said, "I did that by accident..." She replied, "I know that....'cause you didn't yell 'You @#$%&!' after beeping!" ____________________________________________________ A woman was getting swamped with calls from strangers. The reason? A billing service had launched an 800 number that was identical to hers. When she called to complain, she was told to get a new number. "I've had mine for twenty years," she pleaded. "Couldn't you change yours?" The company refused, so she said, "Fine. From now on, I'm going to tell everyone who calls that their bill is paid in full." The company got a new number the next day. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ ____________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Dave for this story: As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of the season. When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area. I heard one man say to his wife, "Look, honey, here comes your anesthesiologist." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Juan Mendoza, Madera, California Suspect's attempted getaway on ATV ended up in the dirt A California police department shared an officer's dash cam footage of a suspect on an ATV attempting a getaway that failed in spectacular fashion. The Madera Police Department posted a video to Facebook showing dashboard camera footage from Officer Abraham's patrol vehicle during an attempted traffic stop. The officer had attempted to stop a man riding an ATV on the road without proper safety gear and running through a stop light, but the man refused to yield to Abraham's lights and siren. The video shows the chase weave through neighborhood streets before the suspect, Juan Mendoza, attempts to go off-road -- causing his vehicle to flip. "As you can see, Mendoza did not reach the outcome he was looking for and luckily only his pride was hurt," police wrote. "Traffic laws apply to all motor vehicles on roadways. We understand that off-road vehicles can be fun to operate, but please do this in the appropriate areas and use safety gear." _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Angie Re: FTP Dear Webby, Dear Webby, I have always used browser FTP to up and download files, but with my new web host I can't do that any more. I was told to get a proper, grown-up FTP program. Snobs! I looked around and there are hundreds of them availale. Which one would you recommend, preferably one that is not too expensive? Angie Dear Angie FileZilla is the Best, most popular, and it is free. Just download it from https://filezilla-project.org/ Get the CLIENT version. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. The pastor shocked the congregation when he announced that he was resigning from the church and moving to a drier climate. After the service, a very distraught lady came to the pastor with tears in her eyes, "Oh, Pastor Bob, we are going to miss you so much. We don't want you to leave!" The kindhearted pastor patted her hand and said "Now, now, Carolyn, don't carry on. The pastor who takes my place might be even better than me". "Yeah", she said, with a tone of disappointment in her voice, "That's what they said the last time too...."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com College Kids and Credit Cards Credit card companies fall over themselves to offer credit to new college students. If you have a child heading off to college, be sure to warn them about this because they can quickly amass high interest credit card debt that could haunt them, and you, for years to come. ____________________________________________________ A man was stranded on the proverbial deserted Pacific island for years. Finally one day a boat comes sailing into view, and the man frantically waves and draws the skipper's attention. The boat comes near the island, and the sailor gets out and greets the stranded man. After awhile the sailor asks, "What are those three huts you have here?" "Well, that's my house there." "What's that next hut?" asks the sailor. "I built that hut to be my church." "What about the other hut?" "Oh, that's where I used to go to church."
Roy D Mercer - Dead Rooster
At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 4 men and 8 women: Defendant: "Your Honor, I wish to change my plea." Judge: "Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to change your mind?" Defendant: "No sir, when I pled 'Not Guilty' I didn't know there would be women on the jury. Since I can't ever get anything past my wife, I'll never be able to convince 8 women jurors." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, January 9, in
1793 Jean-Pierre Blanchard made the first successful balloon
flight in the U.S. 

1799 British Prime Minister William Pitt the Younger introduced
income tax, at two shillings (10p) in the pound, to raise funds
for the Napoleonic Wars. 

1894 The New England Telephone and Telegraph Company put the
first battery-operated switchboard into operation in Lexington,
MA. 

1902 New York State introduced a bill to outlaw flirting in
public. 

1905 In Russia, the civil disturbances known as the Revolution
of 1905 forced Czar Nicholas II to grant some civil rights. 

1929 The Seeing Eye was incorporated in Nashville, TN. The
company's purpose was to train dogs to guide the blind. 

1936 The United States Army adopted the semi-automatic rifle. 

1940 Television was used for the first time to present a sales
meeting to convention delegates in New York City. 

1951 The United Nations headquarters officially opened in New
York City. 

1969 The supersonic aeroplane Concorde made its first trial
flight, at Bristol. 

1972 The ocean liner Queen Elizabeth was destroyed by fire in
Hong Kong harbor. 

1972 British miners went on strike for the first time since
1926. 

1981 Hockey Hall of Famer, Phil Esposito, announced that he
would retire as a hockey player after the New York Rangers-
Buffalo Sabres hockey game. The game ended in a tie. (NHL) 

1986 Kodak got out of the instant camera business after 10
years due to a loss in a court battle that claimed that Kodak
copied Polaroid patents. 

1991 U.S. secretary of state Baker and Iraqi foreign minister
Aziz met for 61/2 hours in Geneva, but failed to reach any
agreement that would forestall war in the Persian Gulf. 

1995 Russian cosmonaut Valeri Poliakov, 51, completed his 366th
day in outer space aboard the Mir space station, breaking the
record for the longest continuous time spent in outer space. 

1997 Tamil rebels attacked a military base in Sri Lanka. 200
soldiers and 140 rebels were killed. 

2002 The U.S. Justice Department announced that it was pursuing
a criminal investigation of Enron Corp. The company had filed
for bankruptcy on December 2, 2001. 

2003 Archaeologists announced that they had found five more
chambers in the tomb of Qin Shihuang, China's first emperor.
The rooms were believed to cover about 750,000 square feet. 

2007 Steve Jobs, Apple Inc.'s CEO, announced the first
generation iPhone. 

2018  smiled.


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No sound in earphones 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, January 8
Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:

Pessnyslvania police chief tried to solicit 
sex from agent posing as 14 year old girl


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 8 in
1815 The Battle of New Orleans began. The War of 1812 had
officially ended on December 24, 1814, with the signing of the
Treaty of Ghent. The news of the signing had not reached
British troops in time to prevent their attack on New Orleans. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Men have become the tools of their tools. --- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." The husband says "WHAT??" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife. We'll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each. And then goes to the Jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says "but you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it." The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says "I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register." The husband says," no - no - no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife's face goes blank. "No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." Her face gets really red and she is about to explode and then the husband says, "You must not be in tune with my emotional state about unbalanced checkbooks and overdrawn VISAs!" ____________________________________________________ I was in my car one day listening to a guy on the radio help callers with their home problems. One woman called up hysterical after finding a skunk in her basement. "Leave a trail of breadcrumbs or cat food from your basement to your backyard," suggested the show's host. "That'll get rid of it." An hour later the woman called back, even more upset. "Now I have TWO skunks in my basement!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ ____________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A seafood restaurant had a sign in the window that read, "Big Lobster Tales, $5 each." Amazed at the great value, a man stopped in and asked the waitress, "Five dollars each for lobster tails -- is that correct?" "Yes," she said. "It's our special just for today." "Well," he said, "they must be little lobster tails." "No," she replied, "it's the really big lobster." "Big red lobster tails, $5 each?" he said, amazed. "They must be old lobster tails!" "No, they're definitely today's." "Today's big red lobster tails -- $5 each?" he repeated, astounded. "Yes," she insisted. "Well, here's my five dollars," he said. "I'll take one." She took the money and led him to a table where she invited him to sit down. She then sat down next to him, put her hand on his shoulder, leaned over close to him, and said, "Once upon a time there was a really big, red lobster..." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael W. Diebold, 40, Leechburg, Pennsylvania Pessnyslvania police chief tried to solicit sex from agent posing as 14 year old girl State prosecutors are accusing the police chief in a small Pennsylvania town of trying to solicit sex online from an undercover agent posing as a 14-year-old girl. The attorney general's office on Friday arrested 40-year-old Leechburg Police Chief Michael W. Diebold at a spot in Westmoreland County where he had allegedly hoped to meet up with the girl. Prosecutors say he's charged with two felonies: unlawful contact with a minor and criminal attempt to commit involuntary deviate sexual intercourse. A telephone message left at Diebold's home wasn't immediately returned. An officer answering the Leechburg Police phone says he learned of the arrest late Friday from news reporters. Part of Diebold's left arm was amputated last year in a fireworks accident during a fire company carnival. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Nancy Re: No sound in earphones Dear Webby, Dear Webby, Wondered if you could help me. I purchased a set of headphones to plug into my Dell laptop so I could listen to music or watch a DVD without disturbing my husband. BUT, I can't seem to get the headphones to work! I am unable to get any sound out of them. Any thoughts? Nancy in Oregon Dear Nancy Try the other two of the 3 similar looking sockets with mysterious and hard to see symbols. If you have the machine connected to external speakers, unplug those and plug the headphones into that socket. If you have sound coming from the internal squeakers, that internal squeaker sound will instantly stop, when you have found the right socket. if it doesn't, then call Dell about warranty. If the squeaker sound stops when you have found the right socket, but there is no sound in the headphone, then return the headphones and get different ones. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?" --------------------- Believe it or not, they actually do that! They asked me that question in Las Vegas. So I told her that the empty shirts are on the other side of the counter, but that I was real and needed that suitcase. I had to wait a day for it.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A two-year-old daughter was with her mother while her older sister was being examined by a dentist. The two-year-old kept herself busy playing with toys in the waiting room until she noticed that her mom was resting, with her eyes closed. With about six other patients waiting, the child toddled up to her mother, looked her straight in the face and shook her. "Mommy," she yelled, "wake up! This is not church!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Old phones are security risks Phones are security risks The Associated Press has uncovered a piece of information that could save you a lot of embarrassment or worse. It turns out that when you upgrade to a new cell phone and get rid of your old one, those old text messages may go with it. "Resetting" the phone to clear the slate can be a lot more difficult than owners think, meaning the new owner can get a look at a lot of sensitive information. Used phones checked by the Virginia security company, Trust Digital, contained information ranging from sensitive corporate negotiations to a married man's chit-chat with his girlfriend to bank account numbers and passwords. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com A guaranteed safe way to get rid of old phones is the Phone Throwuing World Championship: http://www.mobilephonethrowing.fi/ There are quite a few local events too. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Style and fashion intrude into all walks of our lives. Two fellows who had been rivals all their lives followed different career paths. One eventually became an Admiral in the Navy, the other went into the Catholic Church and became a Bishop. As fate would have it, they happened to meet at the Airport. The Bishop spied the Admiral first and said loudly, "Oh Porter, from what gate is the flight to Dallas leaving?" The Admiral approached, bowed, and said "Gate 7 Madame, but should you be traveling in your condition?"
Roy D Mercer - Dead Rooster
A chief and an admiral were sitting in the barber shop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves--the barbers were reaching for some aftershave to slap on their faces. The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a house of ill repute!" The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife has never worked in a house of ill repute." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, January 8, in
1642 Astronomer Galileo Galilei died in Arcetri, Italy. 

1675 The first corporation was chartered in the United States.
The company was the New York Fishing Company. 

1790 In the United States, George Washington delivered the
first State of the Union address. 

1815 The Battle of New Orleans began. The War of 1812 had
officially ended on December 24, 1814, with the signing of the
Treaty of Ghent. The news of the signing had not reached
British troops in time to prevent their attack on New Orleans. 

1838 Alfred Vail demonstrated a telegraph code he had devised
using dots and dashes as letters. The code was the predecessor
to Samuel Morse's code. 

1856 Borax (hydrated sodium borate) was discovered by Dr. John
Veatch. 

1877 Crazy Horse (Tashunca-uitco) and his warriors fought their
final battle against the U.S. Cavalry in Montana. 

1886 The Severn Railway Tunnel, Britain's longest, was opened. 

1889 The tabulating machine was patented by Dr. Herman
Hollerith. His firm, Tabulating Machine Company, later became
International Business Machines Corporation (IBM). 

1894 Fire caused serious damage at the World's Columbian
Exposition in Chicago, IL. 

1900 U.S. President McKinley placed Alaska under military rule.


1900 In South Africa, General White turned back the Boers
attack of Ladysmith. 

1908 A catastrophic train collision occurred in the smoke-
filled Park Avenue Tunnel in New York City. Seventeen were
killed and thirty-eight were injured. The accident caused a
public outcry and increased demand for electric trains. 

1916 During World War I, the final withdrawal of Allied troops
from Gallipoli took place. 

1918 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson announced his Fourteen
Points as the basis for peace upon the end of World War I. 

1935 The spectrophotometer was patented by A.C. Hardy. 

1958 Bobby Fisher, at the age of 14, won the United States
Chess Championship for the first time. 

1959 Charles De Gaulle was inaugurated as president of France's
Fifth Republic. 

1962 Leonardo da Vinci's Mona Lisa was exhibited in America for
the first time at the National Gallery of Art in Washington,
DC. The next day the exhibit opened to the public. 

1973 Secret peace talks between the United States and North
Vietnam resumed near Paris, France. 

1973 The trial opened in Washington, of seven men accused of
bugging Democratic Party headquarters in the Watergate
apartment complex in Washington, DC. 

1982 American Telephone & Telegraph (AT&T) settled the Justice
Department's antitrust lawsuit against it by agreeing to divest
itself of the 22 Bell System companies. 

1982 The U.S. Justice Department withdrew an antitrust suit
against IBM. 

1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush collapsed during a state
dinner in Tokyo. White House officials said Bush was suffering
from stomach flu. 

1993 Bosnian President Izetbegovic visited the U.S. to plead
his government's case for Western military aid and intervention
to halt Serbian aggression. 

1994 Tonya Harding won the ladies' U.S. Figure Skating
Championship in Detroit, MI, a day after Nancy Kerrigan dropped
out because of a clubbing attack that injured her right knee.
The U.S. Figure Skating Association later took the title from
Harding because of her involvement in the attack. 

1998 Ramzi Yousef was sentenced to life in prison for his role
of mastermind behind the World Trade Center bombing in New
York. 

1998 Scientists announced that they had discovered that
galaxies were accelerating and moving apart and at faster
speeds. 

1999 The top two executives of Salt Lake City's Olympic
Organizing Committee resigned amid disclosures that civic
boosters had given cash to members of the International Olympic
Committee. 

2009 In Egypt, archeologists entered a 4,300 year old pyramid
and discovered the mummy of Queen Sesheshet. 

2018  smiled.


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Leaving USB cables connected 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, January 7
Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Thank you Cly6de!!!
Thank You, Norm!!


Todays Bonehead Award:

Connecticut woman tried to snort
white christmas in police HQ
lghch 

Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 6 in
1540 King Henry VIII of England was married to 
Anne of Cleves, his fourth wife. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity. --- Frank Leahy That sums up Al Gore! ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ What is love? A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think: "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca- age 8 "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4 "Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." Karl - age 5 "Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy - age 6 "Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4 "Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7 "Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss" Emily - age 8 "Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." Bobby - age 7 (Wow!) "If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate," Nikka - age 6 "Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." Noelle - age 7 "Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy - age 6 "My mommy loves me more than anybody . You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." Clare - age 6 "Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the very best piece of chicken." Elaine-age 5 "Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 7 "Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4 "I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren - age 4 "When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." Karen - age 7 "You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. 'Cus people sometimes forget." Jessica - age 8 ____________________________________________________ The census taker knocked on an old lady's door. He asked her several questions and she answered all of them except one. She refused to tell him her age. "But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said. "Did Miss Maisy Hill and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she asked stubbornly. "Certainly," the census taker replied. Then the lady snapped, "Well, I'm the same age as they are." So, the census taker remarked: OK, I'll put down, "As old as the Hills." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ ____________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work one day, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two." The husband started glowing with happiness. He kissed his wife and said, "Oh darling, this makes me the happiest person in the world." And she said, "I'm so happy you feel this way. I was worried that you wouldn't like my mother moving in." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nicole Hunter, 25, Ledyard Connecticut Connecticut woman tried to snort white christmas in police HQ While waiting to be booked for causing a disturbance on Christmas Day, the 25-year-old Connecticut resident removed some cocaine from her pocket and attempted to snort the drug inside the local police department, cops allege. Hunter was collared after Ledyard police received reports of a reckless driver behind the wheel of a Kia SUV. After cops located the suspect vehicle in Hunter’s driveway, she allegedly became belligerent and charged at officers, resulting in her arrest. After being transported to Ledyard’s police headquarters, Hunter--who was waiting to be searched--removed a bindle of cocaine from her pocket and sought to snort the white powder. Her attempt was unsuccessful, cops say. Pictured above, Hunter was charged with narcotics possession, disorderly conduct, and interfering with a police officers. Free on bond, Hunter is scheduled for a January 8 court appearance. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: USB cables connected Dear Webby, Dear Webby, Thanks for the fun letter! I finally did invest in a digital camera. Have just begun to read the book. I have 2 questions. 1) Would it be ok to connect the usb cable to the pc & leave it plugged in even when not connected to the camera? My connection is at the base of the pc which is on the floor & it is sometimes difficult to get down to connect it. 2) I haven't tried sending the pic to the pc yet so I can email them to family & friends but am curious as to what size would good to send. Some pics I have received have are so big they seem to take so long to download. Any size suggestions? Thanks so much for your help. This will be a new experience for me. Sharon Dear Sharon Yes, sure you can leave the cable plugged into the PC. Just put the open end into a cup, in case any electrons drip out. Just kidding about anything dripping out, but it's a good idea to put the open end into an empty bud vase or a pencil cup or anything that will securely hold it on the desk. If it falls down on the floor and you drive over the cable end with your chair, the cable is ruined. The best size for mailing pictures is the size I use in the Humor Letter: 600 pixels wide. You can always tell them that, if they want a bigger size for printing it out to specify what size they want. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A child was on his first visit to the country at his grandparents' ranch and feeding the chickens fascinated him. Early one morning he caught his first glimpse of a peacock strutting in the yard. He rushed into the house, where his grandmother was making breakfast and screamed, "Grandma, come and see! One of the chickens is in bloom!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Johnnie's Teacher paid a visit to his house one day. When little Johnny opened the door, she asked "Johnnie, are your father and mother in?" "They was in, but they is out." he answered. The teacher gasped, "Why, Johnnie, it is 'They were in, they are out' Where's your grammar?" "She's in jail. Mom and dad is gone to bail her out" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com The Benefits of Buying Used Cars You can save a bundle on your next car purchase by buying a used car. One of the common concerns I hear from people about used cars is that they will require expensive repairs sooner than new cars. There is no question that repair bills can be outrageously expensive but here's one way to look at it. If a new car costs you $15,000 (or more) and a five year old version of the same car costs $5,000, the difference in price leaves you a lot of room to make repairs and still come out on top. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she charged. "You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded. "Counting your ribs," said Eve.
Incredible art work from a pencil!
Thanks to Phil for this report: My boss wanted a "Clean Desk" policy, so he sent a memo saying that any paper left on desks would be removed at night and we would have to fill out a form to get it back. So we left all our garbage paper on our desks every night. next day, the boss had an office full of garbage, and we never heard about the policy again. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, January 7, in
1558 Calais, the last English possession on mainland France,
was recaptured by the French. 

1610 Galileo Galilei found four of Jupiter's moons. He named
them Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Callisto. They have since been
misplaced and you can't find them any more.

1782 The Bank of North America opened in Philadelphia. It was
the first commercial bank in the United States. 

1785 French aeronaut/balloonist Jean-Pierre Blanchard
successfully made the first air-crossing of the English Channel
from the English coast to France. 

1789 Americans voted for the electors that would choose George
Washington to be the first U.S. president. 

1887 Thomas Stevens completed the first worldwide bicycle trip.
He started his trip in April 1884. Stevens and his bike
traveled 13,500 miles in almost three years time. 

1894 W.K. Dickson received a patent for motion picture film. 

1896 The "Fannie Farmer Cookbook" was published. 

1904 The distress signal "CQD" was established. Two years later
"SOS" became the radio distress signal because it was quicker
to send by wireless radio. 

1927 Transatlantic telephone service began between New York and
London. 31 calls were made on this first day. 

1927 In Hinckley IL, the Harlem Globetrotters played their
first game. 

1929 The debut of "Buck Rogers 2429 A.D." occurred in
newspapers around the U.S. The title of the comic strip was
later changed to "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century." 

1932 Chancellor Heinrich Brüning declared that Germany cannot,
and will not, resume reparations payments. 

1935 French Foreign Minister Pierre Laval and Italian Prime
Minister Benito Mussolini signed the Italo-French agreements. 

1940 "Gene Autry’s Melody Ranch" debuted on CBS Radio. The show
aired for 16 years. 

1941 The NBC Blue radio network presented "The Squeaky Door"
for the first time. The show was later known as "Inner
Sanctum." 

1942 The World War II siege of Bataan began. 

1949 The announcement of the first photograph of genes was
shown at the University of Southern California in Los Angeles. 

1953 U.S. President Harry Truman announced the development of
the hydrogen bomb. 

1954 The Duoscopic TV receiver was unveiled this day. The TV
set allowed the watching of two different shows at the same
time. 

1959 The United States recognized Fidel Castro's new government
in Cuba. 

1975 OPEC agreed to raise crude oil prices by 10%, which began
a time of world economic inflation. 

1979 Vietnamese forces captured the Cambodian capital of Phnom
Penh, overthrowing the Khmer Rouge government. 

1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter signed legislation that
authorized $1.5 billion in loans for the bail out of Chrysler
Corp. 

1989 Crown Prince Akihito became the emperor of Japan following
the death of his father, Emperor Hirohito. 

1990 The Leaning Tower of Pisa was closed to the public. The
accelerated rate of "leaning" raised fears for the safety of
its visitors. 

1996 Alvaro Arzu was elected president of Guatemala. 

1996 One of the biggest blizzards in U.S. history hit the
eastern states. More than 100 deaths were later blamed on the
severe weather. 

1998 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky signed an
affidavit denying that she had an affair with U.S. President
Clinton. 

1999 U.S. President Clinton went on trial before the Senate. It
was only the second time in U.S. history that an impeached
president had gone to trial. Clinton was later acquitted of
perjury and obstruction of justice charges. 

2002 Microsoft Corp. chairman Bill Gates introduced a new
device code named Mira. The device was tablet-like and was a
cross between a handheld computer and a TV remote control. 

2009 Russia shut off all gas supplies to Europe through
Ukraine. Prime Minister Vladimir Putin publicly endorsed the
move and urged greater international involvement in the energy
dispute. 

2018  smiled.


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Find lost files 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, January 6
Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:

Woman arrested in New Year's Day car jacking and 
murder of young mother at Florida BP station.
Typical BLM.
lghch 

Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 6 in
1540 King Henry VIII of England was married to 
Anne of Cleves, his fourth wife. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity. --- Frank Leahy ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ .From Clyde Thanks for your daily e-mail. It makes my day. Best Buy just informed me they have discontinued their relationship with Kaspersky Labs. I have that software on my computer. They offer me the newest version of Trend Micro™ internet security software. I have never that I recall heard of that. What do you recommend? Clyde Hi Clyde Just use Malwarebytes from http://webby.com/malwarebytes It replaces all of the others. Hvae Fun! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ The owner of a business was confused about paying a bill, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help... "If I were to give you $200, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her. The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ ____________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ "Hello?" Linda responded, answering the phone. "I bet you want me to come over to your house, take you into the bedroom, undress you, lick you from head to toe, and then make mad passionate love to you all night long," the male voice whispered sensuously. "Wow!," she replied. "You could tell all that just from me saying 'hello?'" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tairrah McGriff, 22, Jacksonville, Florida Woman arrested in New Year's Day car jacking and murder of young mother at Florida BP station. Typical BLM. An arrest has been made in the killing of a young Jacksonville mother. Sahara Barkley, 24, was shot on New Year’s Day during a carjacking at the BP station on Stockton Street in Riverside. Barkley, the mother of a 1-year-old, was taken to the hospital, where she was pronounced dead. The Jacksonville Sheriff's Office said late Friday night that 22-year-old Tairrah McGriff was arrested for Barkley's murder. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: Find lost files Dear Webby, Firstly, have a Happy and Healthy New Year. I've been searching for some files in MS Word and cannot seem to locate them. Is there a way to 'search' for missing files? If so please keep explanation in the form of "See spot chase puff". Peace Frank Dear Frank I would need skis to chase puff. You may have seen me mention SearchEverything. Download the Installer at https://www.voidtools.com/downloads/ It is the best searcher in this galaxy. And it is free. You can customize the search to speed it up, for example just documents or just pictures or just programs, etc., with a simple click. One of these decades I am going to read the manual, but not just yet. It works well enough. When Done with it, close it. It does use some memory when it is running. Unless you have tons of memory, just quit it when done. If things slow down, use CTRL SHIFT ESC to get the Windoze task manager, highlight SearchEverything, and end it. Just type a part of the file name that you are looking for. It will find all occurrences of that fragment. You will love that Power-toy! Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. The future father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support a family?" The surprised groom-to-be replied, "Well, no. I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Three Pastors in the South were having lunch in a diner. One said "You know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I've tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to scare them away." Another said "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the narthex attic. I've even had the place fumigated and they won't go away." The third said, "I baptized all mine, made them members of the church and asked for donations. Haven't seen one back since!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com 20% Down on New Cars When buying a new or used car from a dealer, make a down payment of at least 20%. That will be a enough to cover taxes and most of the vehicles first year depreciation. Dealerships will gladly sell you a car with less down, but that will leave you with an upside down loan for years. An upside down loans means you owe more than the car is worth. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was no where to be found. Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes returned with the lens in her hand. "How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked. "We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."
Recently discovered photos of civilian life in the Wild West years.
The young suitor was determined to win the heart of the woman he wanted to marry, in spite of her rejection of his proposal. He began what can only be called a "Campaign" and sent her a token of his affection every day for a month to her house. The plan was successful too -- the young lady fell in love with the UPS man. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, January 6, in
0871 England's King Alfred defeated the Danes at the Battle of
Ashdown. 

1205 Philip of Swabia was crowned as King of the Romans. 

1453 Frederick III erected Austria into an Archduchy. 

1540 King Henry VIII of England was married to Anne of Cleves,
his fourth wife. 

1720 The Committee of Inquiry on the South Sea Bubble published
its findings. 

1838 Samuel Morse publicly demonstrated the telegraph for the
first time. 

1896 The first American women’s six-day bicycle race was held
at Madison Square Garden in New York City. 

1900 In India, it was reported that millions of people were
dying from starvation. 

1900 Off of South Africa, the British seized the German steamer
Herzog. The boat was released on January 22, 1900. 

1930 The first diesel-engine automobile trip was completed
after a run of 792 miles from Indianapolis, IN, to New York
City, NY. 

1931 Thomas Edison executed his last patent application. 

1941 Richard Widmark made his debut on radio in "The Home of
the Brave." 

1942 The first commercial around-the-world airline flight took
place. Pan American Airlines was the company that made history
with the feat. 

1945 The Battle of the Bulge ended with 130,000 German and
77,000 Allied casualties. 

1950 Britain recognized the Communist government of China. 

1952 "Peanuts" debuted in Sunday papers across the United
States. 

1963 "Wild Kingdom" premiered on NBC. 

1967 U.S. and South Vietnamese forces launched a major
offensive, known as Operation "Deckhouse V", in the Mekong
River delta. 

1982 William G. Bonin was convicted in Los Angeles, CA, of
being the "freeway killer" who had murdered 14 young men and
boys. 

1987 After a 29-year lapse, the Ford Thunderbird was presented
with the Motor Trend Car of the Year Award. It was the first
occurrence of a repeat winner of the award. 

1994 Figure skater Nancy Kerrigan was clubbed on the right leg
by an assailant at Cobo Arena in Detroit, MI. Four men were
later sentenced to prison for the attack, including Tonya
Harding's ex-husband. 

1998 The spacecraft Lunar Prospect was launched into orbit
around the moon. The craft was crashed into the moon, in an
effort to find water under the lunar surface, on July 31, 1999.


2004 In the United Arab Emirates, construction began on the
Burj Khalifa skyscraper. Upon completion it was the world's
largest building. 

2018  smiled.


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Satellite modem 





Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, January 5
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:

Lancaster man sentenced up to 30 years for 
beating woman, already serving 10 years for 
sex abuse of minor


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 5 in
1885 The Long Island Railroad Company became the first to
offer piggy-back rail service which was the transportation of
farm wagons on trains. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Autobiography is an unrivaled vehicle for telling the truth about other people. --- Philip Guedalla (1889 - 1944) But what is the difference between literature and journalism? ...Journalism is unreadable and literature is not read. That is all. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900), ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The colonel had three Second Lieutenants eligible for promotion. The problem was, he only had one First Lieutenant Slot available. The colonel called the first butter-bar into his office and said, "This is a promotion test. If I was to tell you that I wanted a flag pole erected in front of Post HQ by 1700, what would you do?" The Lt. thought about it for a second, and said, "Sir. I would get a shovel, head for HQ and start digging . . . " "You're not ready to be promoted," the Colonel interrupted. The colonel asked the same question of the next candidate. "Sir," said the next butter-bar, "I would fill out a CE work order, making sure I made provisions for the appropriate environmental study and . . . " "You are definitely not ready to be promoted," the Colonel said. The Colonel asked the question of the final candidate. Without hesitation, the Lieutenant said, "Sir. I would call the First Sergeant, and say, 'Top, I want a @#$#@ flag pole set up in front of HQ by 16:30, standing perfectly straight!" "You're ready to be promoted," the Colonel said. ____________________________________________________ From Paul: My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four Mounties and a police dog to keep us apart. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ ____________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ I just came across this old tech support story. Totally obsolete, but too good to just let it die. Keep in mind that this is from a very long time ago, when Windows came on a stack of floppy disks and when a Mac's standard way of dealing with a PC floppy was to destroy all data on it and format it. An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong. Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer." Training stresses that we are "not the Software Police," so I let the little act of piracy slide. Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?" Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns out they weren't initialized." Tech Support: "Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am?" Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it?'" Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?" Customer: "After they were initialized, all the disks appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work, and I can't read them in the A: drive; the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alexander Ramos-Pacheco, Lancaster, Pennsylvania Lancaster man sentenced up to 30 years for beating woman, already serving 10 years for sex abuse of minor A Lancaster man serving a 10-year federal sentence for sex abuse of a child was sentenced up to 30 more years for beatings of a woman, according to the Lancaster County district attorney's office. Alexander Ramos-Pacheco, 27, was sentenced in Lancaster County Court to 13 to 30 years in state prison on charges including aggravated assault and use of an electronic incapacitation device. Ramos-Pacheco pleaded guilty in November to a series of beatings of the woman at his Lancaster city home. Over years he strangled the woman and abused her with a stun gun, zapping her more than 20 times and leaving marks and scars on her body, the district attorney's office said. In court last week Judge Donald Totaro called the abuse "sadistic." Lead investigator Lancaster city police Det. Randy Zook told the judge the woman would have likely become a homicide victim if police had not intervened. Assistant District Attorney Karen Mansfield played a 5-minute recording taken by Ramos-Pacheco on his cellphone during one beating. Totaro ordered the sentenced be served consecutively to the 10-year federal term Ramos-Pacheco was sentenced to February 2016. Ramos-Pacheco also pleaded guilty to three counts of simple assault, making terroristic threats and stalking. He is serving the 10-year federal sentence for sexually abusing a 15-year-old girl he contacted online then drove out of state to meet. The FBI assisted Lancaster city police and the U.S. Attorney's Office prosecuted in that case. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ellen Re: Satellite modem Dear Webby, Can I use a satellite dish and a satellite modem for our business here in Montana? Thanks Ellen Dear Ellen Theoretically, yes. Practically, no. I would not advise satellite modems for business purposes anywhere north of the Mason/Dixon line. Even though you can get a beautiful TV picture even up in Alaska, the signal has to travel through too much polluted air to be able to maintain a high speed connection reliably at all times in Montana. Sure, you could use a satellite modem and connect quite often. However, "quite often" is not good enough for a business. Even in Florida or Texas or Arizona, practically directly below the satellite, you need a land line dial-up back-up for times of bad weather. That has nothing to do with the satellite dish or the channel dealer. It's strictly a matter of dirty air and bad weather interfering with high speed data transfer. In your area it is probably best to just use the satellite dish for TV. You might be able to get line of sight wireless from your ISP. For a business, that is an excellent solution, and you can get fantastic speeds. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility. One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't looked after it?" After a moment, her 5-year-old son replied quizzically, "Er.... Once?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the under- ground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them. "What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?" I joked. "It would go out," he replied very matter-of-factly. "Really?" I asked, surprised to hear that. "Is there a lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?" "No," my co-worker continued. "The force from the explosion would blow out the match." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Rolling Existing Car Loans Into a New Car Purchase Don't buy a new car if you haven't paid off your old one unless you have equity accumulated. One common practice at dealerships is to offer to roll the balance of an existing loan into the financing for a new car. It usually creates a situation where you are taking a loan that is greater than the value of the car you are buying. While this makes it easy to leave the car lot with a sparkling new car, it's bad practice for consumers and a financial boon for dealers and lenders. Anything that is good for them, is usually bad for you. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ We were discussing the "don'ts" of public speaking in the PR class I teach. "Don'ts" include a man reaching into his pants pocket and jangling change as he speaks, which is very distracting. To illustrate my point, I asked for a student volunteer, saying, "I need a man with coins in his pocket." What I got instead was a girl yelling out, "Hey, so do I!"
What an incredible library!
Dear Webby, I just wanted to thank you for having Babelfish. I used it for the first time to translate a letter into Dutch, and am so very pleased, as I have a hard time understanding my Dutch friends, and I know they must have a bit of a problem understanding me, as it has been 20 years since they were in Canada. So thank you for having this on your page. Yours truly, Fummer Amazing what you can find in that side menu! ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, January 5, in
1781 Richmond, VA, was burned by a British naval expedition
led by Benedict Arnold. 

1885 The Long Island Railroad Company became the first to
offer piggy-back rail service which was the transportation of
farm wagons on trains. 

1896 It was reported by The Austrian newspaper that Wilhelm
Roentgen had discovered the type of radiation that became
known as X-rays. 

1900 In Ireland, Nationalist leader John Edward Redmond
called for a revolt against British rule. 

1903 The general public could use the Pacific cable for the
very first time. 

1914 Ford Motor Company announced that there would be a new
daily minimum wage of $5 and an eight-hour workday. 

1933 In California, construction of the Golden Gate Bridge
began. 

1940 The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) got its very
first demonstration of FM radio. 

1948 Warner Brothers-Pathe showed the very first color
newsreel. The footage was of the Tournament of Roses Parade
and the Rose Bowl football classic. 

1956 In the Peanuts comic strip, Snoopy walked on two legs
for the first time. 

1972 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon ordered the development
of the space shuttle. 

1987 U.S. President Ronald Reagan underwent prostate surgery.


1993 The state of Washington executed Westley Allan Dodd. It
was America's first legal hanging since 1965. Dodd was an
admitted child sex killer. 

1998 U.S. Representative Sonny Bono died in skiing accident. 

2002 A 15 year-old student pilot, Charles Bishop, crashed a
small plane into a building in Tampa, FL. Bishop was about to
begin a flying lesson when he took off without permission and
without an instructor. 

2018  smiled.


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Petitions 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, January 4

Thank you, Lillemor and Gene!!!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:

Florida woman charged with DUI 
while riding horse

Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 4 in
1951 During the Korean conflict, North Korean and Communist
Chinese forces captured the city of Seoul. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Never learn to do anything: if you don't learn, you'll always find someone else to do it for you. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) When things start to make sense, THAT'S when to hit the panic button. --- Pat D An expert is a person who avoids small errors as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy. --- Benjamin Stolberg ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roberta for this story: Thibodeau wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. "Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." "Witout numbers?" Thibodeau says, "Dat is easy." And he proceeds to draw three trees. "What's this?" the boss asks. "Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says Thibodeau. "Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99." Thibodeau stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go." The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" "Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99." The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this guy, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100." Thibodeau stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred." The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!" Thibodeau leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little doggie came along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, dat make one hundred. So, when I start?" ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Moe for this picture: _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ ____________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it snaps off or comes out of the ground easily, it was a valuable plant. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Donna Byrne, 53, Lakeland, Florida Florida woman charged with DUI while riding horse A Florida judge says a sheriff's office must retain custody of a horse whose owner was charged with drunken driving while riding the animal. In a report by The Lakeland Ledger, Polk County Judge Sharon Franklin said 53-year-old Donna Byrne was unfit to care for the horse. Franklin also said Byrne must complete treatment for alcohol addiction. Byrne was arrested Nov. 2 after riding her horse down a highway. Police said her blood-alcohol level twice Florida's legal limit. Byrne's attorney, Craig Whisenhunt, says he will revisit the custody issue at a Jan. 11 hearing regarding additional pending charges of disorderly intoxication, animal endangerment and culpable negligence. Whisenhunt questions whether the charges applied to Byrne, saying she had not been disorderly and was a pedestrian under the law. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Dani Re: Petitions Dear Webby, I receive a lot of petitions like the one below. Can you tell me if it will actully be sent to the people intended and does it do any good or is it just trashed as junk mail? Thanks for your help. Dani ---- PETITION FOR: President Trump and Schwarzenegger .... Dear Dani Looks like garbage to me. There is nothing that Trump or Schwarzenegger can do about it. They are not the ones who make your laws. All they do is make suggestions, then your Senate and Congress twist those around to suit themselves, which usually is the opposite, and then Trump and Arnold wind up having to take the blame for those laws, and explain them to the people. Petitions like that one carry exactly the same amount of clout as any other nonsense forwards coming out of AOL. Even if it was sent to the White House, some spam technician would say "Buncha Morons!" and hit the Delete key. A few hundred names on a non-verified list don't count for more than spam about snake oil or fake watches. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Bubba takes a photo of the front of his house to the local copy store and asks the clerk to put it on disk for him. He does. They are both looking at the monitor to see the results, and the man asks if the picture can be turned. "Sure" says the clerk. The man replies, "Good, I need a shot of the back of my house also."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
What happens when you have deja vu and amnesia at the same time? You have the feeling that you're forgetting the same thing all over again. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Refurbishing A Faded Patio Umbrella One day Little Johnny's teacher, decided to play a spelling game. She gave a letter of the alphabet and the kids have to spell a word starting with that letter, then use it in a sentence. Starting with "A" Little Johnny's hand was continually in the air, but the teacher ignored him. Little Johnny had a propensity for lewd remarks and could turn the simplest of statements into sexual innuendo. The teacher was afraid to let Johnny use any letter that he could turn into a lewd statement. "All right now, Susan, you first?" said the teacher. "A is for Ape, A-P-E, An ape likes bananas" answered Susan. "Excellent " said the teacher. She continues on through the alphabet. Finally she reaches F. Now she will NOT let Little Johnny answer this under any circumstances so she asks Mary. "F is for Fairy F-A-I-R-Y, they're little girls who live among the flowers", Mary replies. "Great", says the teacher. "Now we get to G". Only Little Johnny has his hand up so the teacher thinks about this and decides "G" is a safe one. "Yes Johnny?" She asks. "G is for Gnome G-N-O-M-E. A Gnome lives among the flowers too". "Johnny! That's Excellent!" Exclaims the teacher, very happy that for once he wasn't out of line. Little Johnny goes on to say, "yes, teacher, he's the one who knocks up the fairies!" Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Came across this one in my archives. Thanks to *Sandie for this story: When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise , God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter." Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man. God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him." God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?" The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here." --------- *Sandie Remember that 30 year old Ferro cactus a couple of days ago? Here is Sandie claiming that this 200 year old Ferro wants to go home with her. It is an old picture. Sandie got her wings 4 years ago.
Beautiful butterfly murals on buildings. Hurry up Spring and Summer so we can see these beautiful "flutter bys" as I call them.
Thank you so very much for a wonderful newsletter. You are makimng a huge difference in many lives. Joe W. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, January 4, in
1850 The first American ice-skating club was organized in
Philadelphia, PA. 

1884 The socialist Fabian Society was founded in London. 

1936 The first pop music chart based on national sales was
published by "Billboard" magazine. 

1944 The attack on Monte Cassino was launched by the British
Fifth Army in Italy. 

1948 Britain granted independence to Burma. 

1951 During the Korean conflict, North Korean and Communist
Chinese forces captured the city of Seoul. 

1953 Tufted plastic carpeting was introduced by Barwick
Mills. 

1958 The Soviet satellite Sputknik I fell to the earth from
its orbit. The craft had been launched on October 4, 1957. 

1962 New York City introduced a train that operated without
conductors and motormen. 

1965 The Fender Guitar Company was sold to CBS for $13
million. 

1974 U.S. President Nixon refused to hand over tape
recordings and documents subpoenaed by the Senate Watergate
Committee. 

1984 Wayne ‘The Great One’ Gretzky scored eight points (four
goals and four assists) for the second time in his National
Hockey League (NHL) career. Edmonton Oilers defeated the
Minnesota North Stars, 12-8. The game was the highest-scoring
NHL game to date. 

1991 The U.N. Security Council voted unanimously to condemn
Israel's treatment of the Palestinians in the occupied
territories.

1997 The Greek Cypriot government signed an agreement to buy
S-300 surface-to-air missiles from Russia. 

1999 A drifting Nicaraguan fishing boat was found by the
Norwegian oil tanker Joelm. The fisherman had been lost at
sea for 35 days after the engine of their vessel quit
working. 

1999 Former professional wrestler Jesse Ventura was sworn in
as Minnesota's 37th governor. 

2007 Nancy Pelosi became Speaker of the U.S. House of
Representatives. She was the first woman to hold the
position. 

2010 In Dubai, United Arab Emirates, the Burj Dubai (Dubai
Tower) opened as the world's tallest tower at 2,625 feet. 

2018  smiled.


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Medium-Low Security 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, January 3

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:

Palm Coast man accused of trying to 
electrocute pregnant ex-wife

Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 3 in
1962 Pope John XXIII excommunicated Cuban prime minister
Fidel Castro because he was a communist. Because poor people
donate more to the church, the current pope is more communist
than the current Cuban leader, Raol Castro. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. --- Doug Larson Money doesn't always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars. --- Hobart Brown ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Martin for this story: We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the \ "seniors's special" was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99. "Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs." Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her. "You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" My wife asked incredulously. "YES!!" "I'll take the special." "How do you want your eggs?" "Raw and in the shell," my wife replied. She took the two eggs home and used them in a cake. ____________________________________________________ After the christening of his baby brother in church, little five-year-old Johnny sat in the back seat, unusually quiet. Very softly he started to cry until his father noticed him sobbing. "What's wrong, little Johnny?" asked his father. Between sniffles little Johnny replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a good Christian home, but, but, but I want to stay with you guys!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Ferocactus-hamanthacanthus. It is now 30 years old and 25 cm (10") diameter. ____________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Di Ann had been divorced for a few years and very lonely, and finally consented to going out on a date with Tony, the gentleman her daughter fixed her up with. Tony picked her up and they went on a picnic in a very secluded spot. Tony also had been divorced for a long time and found himself very attracted to Di Ann, and despite her resistance to his advances at first, he finally was able to make love to her. Later, Di Ann was mortified at her lack of self control and sobbed "I don't know how I can face my daughter, knowing in a time of weakness, I sinned twice!" Tony said "What do you mean "twice" we only did it once?" Di Ann looked at Tony and said, "Well, we are going to stop at my place for a coffee, arent we?" _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Walter, the Stonecarver, for reporting this: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Scott Wilson, 32, Knoxville, Tennessee Palm Coast man accused of trying to electrocute pregnant ex-wife A Palm Coast man faces charges of attempted aggravated battery and grand theft after authorities say he rigged a door in order to electrocute his pregnant wife. Deputies from the Flagler County Sheriff's Office arrested Michael Scott Wilson, 32, Thursday in Knoxville, Tennessee, after they issued an arrest warrant for him. On Dec. 26, deputies responded to 110 White Hall Drive in Palm Coast to conduct a security check after the homeowner reported suspicious statements made by his son-in-law, who told a child in the home not to touch the front door. Man accused of raping woman in Jacksonville Beach condo worked at 3rd Street Diner Deputies said the front door appeared to be barricaded and noted burn marks near the door handle. A deputy kicked the door, which caused a large spark, authorities added. After a thorough investigation, deputies said Wilson rigged the door in an attempt to cause great bodily harm to his estranged wife. Deputies also reported that Wilson stole a firearm belonging to his father-in-law from the house. Wilson is charged with two counts of attempted aggravated battery on a pregnant person and one count of grand theft of a firearm. He is being held on $150,000 bond and will be extradited to the Flagler County Detention Facility to face charges. “This is one of the most bizarre domestic violence cases I have seen in my career,” Sheriff Rick Staly said. “Not only did this man plan to electrocute his wife, but he could have injured a deputy or any person attempting to enter this residence. Thankfully, this man was found and taken into custody before he could cause the harm he intended.” This is an ongoing investigation, and additional charges are pending. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Daniel Re: Medium-Low Dear Webby, i want to change the security setting under internet options from medium to medium low,but it keeps going back to medium.is there a way to keep it at medium low? thanks again, the pest Dear Daniel It's not recommended to go below medium, except for brief and very carefully monitored exceptions. Just be glad that something in your machine returns the setting to a more reasonable one for you. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked. "Yeah, my mom has one," the other replied. "What's it for?" "It's a cussing machine," the second boy answered. "Every time she stands on it she gets really mad and starts cussing at me or dad."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Leroy was visiting a friend in the hospital. He was trying to stop smoking and was chewing on an unlit cigar when he got on the elevator. A lady said to him with a snarl, 'Sir, there's no smoking in here.' "Leroy said, "Lady, I'm not smoking." "But you have a cigar in your mouth!", the woman said. "'Lady", Leroy answered, "I'm wearing Jockey shorts, too, but I don't ride horses indoors either." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Refurbishing A Faded Patio Umbrella By Carol from Iowa [14 Posts, 40 Comments] patio table with umbrella downOur deck table needed an umbrella and someone threw one out. It was faded but otherwise in pretty good shape. I decided to spray paint it using an indoor/outdoor paint that is good for wood, metal, and more. It worked perfectly and I have had no problems with the paint running or fading. The umbrella is a little lopsided in the photo but it really isn't crooked! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ My little boy sometimes had difficult bowel movements. One day, we were browsing together in a novelty and gift store. There were many wooden signs of "words of encouragement" hanging on display. Suddenly, he pointed to one of the signs and said to me, "Mum, I think we should get this one and hang it in the toilet." I looked at the sign he was indicating. It read: P. U. S. H. "Pray Until Something Happens."
At least they don't have to mow their lawns or shovel snow.
Being a teenager and getting a tattoo seem to go hand in hand. I wasn't surprised when a friend of my daughter showed me a Japanese symbol on her hip. "Please don't tell my parents," she begged. "I won't," I promised. "By the way, what does that stand for?" She replied, "Honesty." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, January 3, in 
1496 References in Leonardo da Vinci notebooks suggested that
he tested his flying machine. The test didn't succeed and he
didn't try to fly again for several years. 

1521 Pope Leo X excommunicated Martin Luther. 

1777 The Battle of Princeton took place in the War of
Independence, in which George Washington defeated the British
forces, led by Cornwallis. 

1815 By secret treaty, Austria, Britain, and France formed a
defensive alliance against Prusso-Russian plans to solve the
Saxon and Polish problems. 

1823 Stephen F. Austin received a grant from the Mexican
government and began colonization in the region of the Brazos
River in Texas. 

1825 The first engineering college in the U.S. , Rensselaer
School, opened in Troy, NY. It is now known as Rensselaer
Polytechnic Institute. 

1833 Britain seized control of the Falkland Islands in the
South Atlantic. About 150 years later, Argentina seized the
islands from the British, but Britain took them back after a
74-day war. 

1868 The Shogunate was abolished in Japan and Meiji dynasty
was restored. 

1871 Henry W. Bradley patented oleomargarine. 

1888 The drinking straw was patented by Marvin C. Stone. 

1924 English explorer Howard Carter discovered the
sarcophagus of Tutankhamen in the Valley of the Kings, near
Luxor, Egypt. 

1925 In Italy, Mussolini announced that he would take
dictatorial powers. 

1938 The first broadcast of "Woman in White" was presented on
the NBC Red network. The program remained on radio for 10
years. 

1938 The March of Dimes was established by U.S. President
Franklin Delano Roosevelt. The organization fights
poliomyelitis. The original name of the organization was the
National Foundation for Infantile Paralysis. 

1947 In Trenton, NJ, Al Herrin, passed away at age 92. He had
claimed that he had not slept at all during his life. 

1957 The Hamilton Watch Company introduced the first electric
watch. 

1959 In the U.S., Alaska became the 49th state. 

1961 The U.S. severed diplomatic relations with Cuba. 

1962 Pope John XXIII excommunicated Cuban prime minister
Fidel Castro because he was a communist. Because poor people
donate more to the church, the current pope is more communist
tha the current Cuban leader, Raol Castro.

1967 Jack Ruby died in a Dallas, TX, hospital. 

1973 The Columbia Broadcasting System (CBS) sold the New York
Yankees to a 12-man syndicate headed by George Steinbrenner
for $10 million. 

1984 A woman died at Disneyland after falling from a ride.
She had apparently unfastened her seatbelt while on the
Matterhorn bobsled. 

1990 Ousted Panamanian leader Manuel Noriega surrendered to
U.S. forces, 10 days after taking refuge in the Vatican's
diplomatic mission. 

1991 The British government announced that seven Iraqi
diplomats, another embassy staff member and 67 other Iraqis
were being expelled from Britain. 

1993 U.S. President George H.W. Bush and Russian President
Boris Yeltsin signed the second Strategic Arms Reduction
Treaty (START) in Moscow. 

1998 China announced that it would spend $27.7 billion to
fight erosion and pollution in the Yangtze and Yellow river
valleys. 

2000 Charles M. Schulz's final original daily comic strip
appeared in newspapers. 

2001 The ATF (Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms)
charged the "Texas 7" with weapons violations. An autopsy
showed that Officer Aubrey Hawkins, killed by the convicts,
had been shot 11 times and run over with a vehicle. 

2004 NASA's Spirit rover landed on Mars. The craft was able
to send back black and white images three hours after
landing.

2017  smiled.


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Copying pictures from PPS 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, January 2
Bright Supermoon! But still cold out.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:

Wisconsin Man arrested after he threw beer 
bottle at bartender for putting on christmas music

Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 2 in
1492 The leader of the last Arab stronghold in Spain
surrendered to Spanish forces loyal to King Ferdinand II and
Queen Isabella I. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ There is no kind of dishonesty into which otherwise good people more easily and frequently fall than that of defrauding the government. --- Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Linda A relative called and asked me if I could loan her $400 to help her pay her rent. I told her...give me a minute let me check my account and I'll call you right back." Before I could check my funds, my aunt called and said, "Don’t give her any money because she's lying". My aunt proceeded to tell me that she wants to use that $400 to get her boyfriend out of jail because she wants to be under the same roof with him for the holidays!!! So I thought about it for a minute, and decided to go ahead and give her the $400. I called and said, "Come on, I got you." A couple hours later, I got a call from the County Jail, and it was her... "Why did you give me counterfeit money?!" I replied with the best answer I could: "So you and your boyfriend would be under the same roof for the holidays. You’re welcome." ____________________________________________________ Fromm Betty I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist when I noticed his diploma hanging on the wall. It bore his full name and I suddenly remembered a tall, handsome dark-haired boy with the same name. He had been in my high school class some 40-odd years before and I wondered, "Could he be the same guy I had a secret crush on way back then?" When I got into the treatment room I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was much too old to have been my secret crush... or was he? After he examined my teeth I asked if he had attended Morgan Park High School. "Yes, I did. I'm a Mustang!" He said, gleaming with pride. "When did you graduate?" I asked. "1959. Why do you ask?" he answered. "Well, you were in my class!" I exclaimed. To which the ugly, old, wrinkled jerk asked, "What did you teach?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ ____________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?" Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby." "Really!? Like a newborn baby!?" "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants. _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Walter, the Stonecarver, for reporting this: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christopher Gamboeck, 33, Madison, Wisconsin Wisconsin Man Throws Beer Bottle at Bartender for Putting on Christmas Music A man in Madison, Wisconsin, was arrested after he threw a beer bottle at a bartender who changed music in the bar from Black Sabbath to a Christmas tune, according to police. Officers came to Farm Tavern Bar at 1701 Moorland Road just before 4 p.m. last Thursday over a report of a disturbance and determined the suspect left the bar, police said in a release posted Monday. An officer spoke to many patrons of the bar and identified the suspect as Christopher Gamboeck, calling him intoxicated and violent, according to police. The 33-year-old was upset because the bartender changed the music in the bar from Black Sabbath to Christmas music. Gamboeck “chugged his glass bottle of Budweiser beer, and slammed it down on the counter,” according to the release. He threw a bottle of beer in the direction of the female bartender’s head after he yelled expletives at her, the release stated. Other patrons in the bar prevented Gamboeck from going behind the counter as he circled the bar with his fists clenched, according to the release. His uncle eventually intervened and directed Gamboeck to the door. He left the bar, but pulled down a Christmas tree and broke several delicate ornaments, according to police. Police came to his residence and he rushed toward officers, the release said. He was threatened with a Taser before he was taken to custody. He said gender-based obscenities toward a female officer before he was taken to Dane County Jail. Gamboeck is facing disorderly conduct and criminal damage to property charges. His attorney information wasn’t immediately available. Resisting arrest may be added later. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Leesa Re: saving pictures from PPS Dear Webby, I see someone else has questions about PPS files today, so thought I'd ask you about this one. I love these pictures, and would like to use them as my desktop wall paper..... one at a time, of course. How can I save them individually into my wallpaper folder? Obviously, I can't right click 'cause the save option isn't there. Appreciate your help, again. Have a wonderful day. Leesa Dear Leesa You need a graphics program like for example PSP (PaintShopPro) for that. Open that, then open the PPS slide show. When you get to a picture that you want, hit the PrintScreen key. That prints the picture into the clipboard. Then use ALT ESC to jump to PSP, hit CTRL V to paste the clipboard as a new picture. Save the picture to your Wallpaper folder and zoom the view down to thumbnail size. (Just the view, not the picture size.) ALT ESC back to the PPS slide show, proceed until you get to the next picture that you want, and repeat the procedure. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" "Nope," he replied, "Arthritis."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand-new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS. He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES. The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read: MAIN ENTRANCE. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Carry Extra Zip-Lock Bags When Traveling When you travel, throw in a few extra zip-lock bags. They are great for wet swimsuits, a half-full bottle of shampoo, some animal crackers for the car, or even to fill with ice at the motel to use in the cooler while you drive. - Kate Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com I also use them for e-tickets, maps, map-quest print-outs, and rental car paperwork. When hiking, I use them for keeping the camera dry in sudden rain squalls, and quite often I have filled them with berries or mushrooms I found on route. DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Keli was having trouble with her computer. So she called Paul, the computer guy, over to her desk. Paul clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, Keli called after him, "So, what was wrong?" And Paul replied, "It was an ID Ten T Error." A puzzled expression ran riot over Keli's face. "An ID Ten T Error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again??" Paul gave her a grin... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID Ten T Error before?" "No," replied Keli. "Write it down," Paul said, "and I think you'll figure it out." (She wrote...) I D 1 0 T She did not seem to like him after that.
Ancient roadways in France and England.
The nurse was walking down the hospital corridor when her supervisor spotted her. The supervisor couldn't believe it: The nurses hair was unkempt, her dress wrinkled, and to top off her overall dishevelment, one of her breasts was hanging out of the open front of her uniform! "MISS JENNINGS! How can you account for parading around the hospital not only looking like a derelict, but with your breast exposed!" "Oh," said the nurse, as she stuffed her breast into her uniform, "It's those darn interns! They NEVER put anything back when they're through using it!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, January 2, in 
1492 The leader of the last Arab stronghold in Spain
surrendered to Spanish forces loyal to King Ferdinand II and
Queen Isabella I. 

1842 In Fairmount, PA, the first wire suspension bridge was
opened to traffic. 

1859 Erastus Beadle published "The Dime Book of Practical
Etiquette." 

1872 Brigham Young, the 71-year-old leader of the Mormon
Church, was arrested on a charge of bigamy. He had 25 wives. 

1879 Thomas Edison began construction on his first generator.


1882 The Standard Oil Trust agreement was completed and
dated. The document transferred the stock and property of
more than 40 companies into the control of nine trustees lead
by John D. Rockefeller. This was the first example of what
became known as a holding company. 

1892 Ellis Island opened as America's first federal
immigration center. Annie Moore, at age 15, became the first
person to pass through. 

1900 U.S. Secretary of State John Hay announced the Open Door
Policy to prompt trade with China. 

1900 The Chicago Canal opened. 

1910 The first junior high school in the United States
opened. McKinley School in Berkeley, CA, housed seventh and
eighth grade students. In a separate building students were
housed who attended grades 9-12. 

1917 Royal Bank of Canada took over the Quebec Bank. 

1921 The first religious broadcast on radio was heard on KDKA
Radio in Pittsburgh, PA, as Dr. E.J. Van Etten of Calvary
Episcopal Church preached. 

1921 DeYoung Museum in Golden Gate Park opened. 

1929 The United States and Canada reached an agreement on
joint action to preserve Niagara Falls. 

1935 Bruno Richard Hauptmann went on trial for the kidnap-
murder of Charles Lindberghs baby. Hauptmann was found guilt
and executed. 

1942 The Philippine capital of Manila was captured by
Japanese forces during World War II. 

1955 Panamanian President Jose Antonio Remon was
assassinated. 

1957 The San Francisco and Los Angeles stock exchanges
merged. 

1960 U.S. Sen. John F. Kennedy of Massachusetts announced his
candidacy for the Democratic presidential nomination. 

1968 Fidel Castro announced petroleum and sugar rationing in
Cuba. 

1971 In the U.S., a federally imposed ban on television
cigarette advertisements went into effect. 

1974 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon signed a bill requiring
all states to lower the maximum speed limit to 55 MPH. The
law was intended to conserve gasoline supplies during an
embargo imposed by Arab oil-producing countries. Federal
speed limits were abolished in 1995. 

1983 The musical "Annie" closed on Broadway at the Uris
Theatre after 2,377 performances. 

1985 The Rebels of UNLV beat Utah State in three overtime
periods. The final score of 142-140 set a new NCAA record for
total points in a basketball game (282). The game took over
three hours to play. 

1996 AT&T announced that it would eliminate 40,000 jobs over
three years. 

1998 Russia began circulating new rubles in effort to keep
inflation in check and promote confidence. 

2004 NASA's Stardust space probe collected samples from the
comet Wild 2. The samples returned to Earth on January 15,
2006. 

2008 The price of oil hit $100 per barrell for the first
time. 

2017  smiled.


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Sending PPS to oler computers 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, January 1


Happy New Year, !

-34, no Gullible Warming. 
We are definitely in the "Ice Age Is Coming" ripple.
Al Gore says it is YOUR fault.
CNN says it's Trump's fault.

I predicted that it is cycles, and I am right AGAIN.

Here is a brief video showing what happens when you
toss boiling water into the wind at this temperature.
Instant ice fog.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman wanted for armed robbery left 
debit card at crime scene
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 1 in
1892 Ellis Island Immigrant Station formally opened in New
York.

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life. --- Robert Byrne I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. --- Margaret Thatcher (1925 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Whoops! IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of the parachuting enthusiasts who bought our Easy Sky Diving book, please make the following correction: on page 8, line 7, the words "state zip code" should have read "pull rip cord." Yesterday we mistakenly reported that a talk was given by a bottle-scared hero. We apologize for the error. We obviously meant that the talk was given by a battle-scarred hero. Miss Rumson has been appointed supervisor of Work Area Six, not (as stated in our last issue) Sex Work Area. ____________________________________________________ The maiden aunt is visiting her family for the holidays. One night, the talk around the dinner table turns to what the older people did when they were young. The aunt interrupts and says, "I don't want to talk about my girlhood." "Why, auntie?" one of her nephews asks. "What did you do?" "Nothing," says the older woman. "That's why I don't want to talk about it." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Soon! ____________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A Sunday School teacher asked her class, "Does anyone know what we mean by sins of omission?" A small girl replied, "Aren't those the sins we should have committed, but omitted?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tyshea Sheree Thomas, 41, Mannheim, Pennsylvania Woman wanted for armed robbery left debit card at crime scene Losing your debit card is generally pretty bad. It's even worse when you leave it behind when you're accused in an armed robbery. Tyshea Sheree Thomas, 41, no fixed address, did just that this weekend during a robbery at A-Plus on the 1200 block of Lititz Pike, Manheim Township police said. Thomas is accused of approaching the store clerk just after 4:30 p.m. on Dec. 24, pointing a black and silver handgun at the woman, and demanding cash. Thomas then climbed over the counter and aimed the gun at the clerk's head, police said. When the woman opened the register, Thomas took cash from the drawer and fled on foot. Police said the clerk was not injured. Thomas left her debit card on the counter and investigators determined she had used it at a nearby ATM prior to the robbery. Thomas is charged with felony counts of robbery and making terroristic threats, as well as a misdemeanor count of theft by unlawful taking. Anyone with information as to her whereabouts is asked to contact Manheim Township police _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ann Re: PPS Dear Webby, ...'sme again. Is there some way to forward something to a person that is still using Windows 98? I have sent a PPS file to my friend but he cannot open it. I think because he is still using 98. Do I have to save the data to my computer and then send each thing one at a time? I am forwarding the email to you separately because it is so incredible and I think you will appreciate it. Thanks for you help. Hugs Ann Dear Ann Windows 98 has nothing to do with that. All he needs is the normal pps PowerPoint viewer. He can get it free from Microsoft. The easiest way to get it is to go to http://webby.com/pps That forwards to the mile long link at Microsoft. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A little girl was asked what she wanted most for her birthday and she declared: "A baby brother." "Daddy and I would like to give you a baby brother," said her mom, "but there isn't time before your birthday." "Why don't you do like they do down at Daddy's factory when they want something in a hurry? Put more men on the job."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Our college just completed a new three-story building. While walking down a hall on the 2nd floor, I overheard a student say, "I really like the skylights on the 3rd floor." "Me too," remarked the second student. "I don't know why they didn't just put some on the 2nd floor too." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baby Powder for Sand Carry baby powder with you to the sandbox or beach. After the children get off the of sand, sprinkle them with the baby powder. It dries up the sand and causes it to fall right off! No more tracking sand in the house or car! - Amy Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ From Greta My violin teacher was teaching a large group class. She showed them her violin and said, "This violin was made in the early 1800s." Someone in the audience raised their hand and asked, "So, you got it used?"
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! Amazing places on our planet to end the year 2017 with.
An old nun who was living in a convent next to a Brooklyn construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways. She decided she would take her lunch, sit with the workers and talk with them. She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating. She walked up to the group and with a big smile said, "Do you men know Jesus Christ?" They looked at each other and shook their heads. One of the workers looked up into the steelwork and yelled, "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?" One of the steelworkers yelled down asking, "Why"? The worker yelled back, "His wife's here with his lunch." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, January 1, in 
0404 The last gladiator competition was held in Rome. 

1622 The Papal Chancery adopted January 1st as the beginning
of the New Year (instead of March 25th). 

1772 The first traveler's checks were issued in London. 

1785 London's oldest daily paper "The Daily Universal
Register" (later renamed "The Times" in 1788) was first
published. 

1797 Albany became the capital of New York state, replacing
New York City. 

1801 The Act of Union of England and Ireland came into force.


1801 Italian astronomer Giuseppe Piazzi became the first
person to discover an asteroid. He named it Ceres. 

1804 Haiti gained its independence. 

1808 The U.S. prohibited import of slaves from Africa. 

1840 The first recorded bowling match was recorded in the
U.S. 

1863 U.S. President Lincoln signed the Emancipation
Proclamation, which declared that all slaves in the rebel
states were free. 

1887 Queen Victoria was proclaimed empress of India in Delhi.


1892 Ellis Island Immigrant Station formally opened in New
York. 

1892 Brooklyn and New York merged to form the single city of
New York. 

1894 The Manchester Ship Canal was officially opened to
traffic. 

1895 In Battle Creek, MI, C.W. Post created his first usable
batch of Monks Brew (later called Postum). It was a cereal-
based substitute for caffeinated drinks. 

1898 Manhattan, the Bronx, Brooklyn, Queens and Staten Island
were consolidated into New York City. 

1900 Hawaii asked for a delegate to the Republican national
convention. 

1900 Nigeria became a British protectorate with Frederick
Lagard as the high commissioner. 

1901 The Commonwealth of Australia was founded. Lord Hopetoun
officially assumed the duties as the first Governor-General. 

1902 The first Tournament of Roses (later the Rose Bowl)
collegiate football game was played in Pasadena, CA. 

1909 The first payments of old-age pensions were made in
Britain. People over 70 received five shillings a week. 

1913 The post office began parcel post deliveries. 

1924 Frank B. Cooney received a patent for ink paste. 

1926 The Rose Bowl was carried coast to coast on network
radio for the first time. 

1930 "The Cuckoo Hour" was heard for the first time on the
NBC-Blue Network, which later became ABC Radio. 

1934 Alcatraz Island officially became a Federal Prison. 

1934 The Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC) began
operation. 

1936 The "New York Herald Tribune" began microfilming its
current issues. 

1937 The First Cotton Bowl football game was played in
Dallas, TX. Texas Christian University (T.C.U.) beat
Marquette, 16-6. 

1939 The Hewlett-Packard partnership was formed by Bill
Hewlett and Dave Packard. 

1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt and British Prime
Minister Winston Churchill issued a declaration called the
"United Nations." It was signed by 26 countries that vowed to
create an international postwar World War II peacekeeping
organization. 

1945 France was admitted to the United Nations. 

1956 Sudan gained its independence. 

1958 The European Economic Community (EEC) started
operations. 

1959 Fidel Castro overthrew the government of Fulgencio
Batista, and seized power in Cuba. 

1968 Evel Knievel, stunt performing daredevil, lost control
of his motorcycle midway through a jump of 141 feet over the
ornamental fountains in front of Caesar's Palace in Las
Vegas. 

1971 Tobacco ads representing $20 million dollars in
advertising were banned from TV and radio broadcast. 

1973 Britain, Ireland, Denmark and Norway joined the EEC. 

1975 The magazine "Popular Electronics" announced the
invention of a person computer called Altair. MITS, using an
Intel microprocessor, developed the computer. 

1979 The United States and China held celebrations in
Washington, DC, and Beijing to mark the establishment of
diplomatic relations between the two countries. 

1981 Greece joined the European Community. 

1984 AT&T was broken up into 22 Bell System companies under
terms of an antitrust agreement with the U.S. Federal
government. 

1986 Spain and Portugal joined the European Community (EC). 

1987 A pro-democracy rally took place in Beijing's Tiananmen
Square (China). It did not go over well.

1990 David Dinkins was sworn in as New York City's first
black mayor. 

1992 The ESPN Radio Network was officially launched. 

1992 In Kuala Lumpur, the groundbreaking ceremony for the
Petronas Towers took place. 

1993 Czechoslovakia split into two separate states, the Czech
Republic and Slovakia. The peaceful division had been
engineered in 1992. 

1994 Bill Gates, Chief Executive Officer of Microsoft and
Melinda French were married. 

1994 The North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) went
into effect. 

1995 Frederick West, an alleged killer of 12 women and girls,
was found hanged in his jail cell in Winston Green prison, in
Birmingham. West had been under almost continuous watch since
his arrest in 1994, but security had reportedly been relaxed
in the months preceding the apparent suicide. 

1995 The World Trade Organization came into existence. The
group of 125 nations monitors global trade. 

1998 A new anti-smoking law went into effect in California.
The law prohibiting people from lighting up in bars. 

1999 The euro became currency for 11 Member States of the
European Union. Coins and notes were not available until
January 1, 2002. 

1999 In California, a law went into effect that defined
"invasion of privacy as trespassing with the intent to
capture audio or video images of a celebrity or crime victim
engaging in a personal of family activity." 

2001 The "Texas 7," rented space in an RV park in Woodland
Park, CO. 

2007 Binney & Smith Company became Crayola LLC under its
parent company Hallmark. 

2017  smiled.


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NotifyAlert.exe 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, December 31


Norah Head lighthouse NSW Australia

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
English Woman rode motorbike naked, got fingered 
in the street and punched a blind man and a cop
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, December 31 in
1974 Private U.S. citizens were allowed to buy and own gold
for the first time in more than 40 years. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae. --- Kurt Vonnegut (1922 - 2007) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to make a perfect turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner, but there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store. "Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has six legs!" They all asked the farmer how it tasted. "I don't know," said the farmer. "I can't catch him!" ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Lisa for this story: I was on vacation, playing the slot machines. It was my first time in a casino, and I wasn't sure how the machines operated. "Excuse me." I said to a casino employee. "How does this work?" The worker showed me how to insert a bill, hit the spin button, and operate the release handle. "And where does the money come out?" I asked. He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying, "Usually at the ATM machine down there....." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ ____________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A Texan is bragging to his cousin in Montana. "On mah fahrm in Taxas," he drawls, "I can git on mah tractor, ride all daiy long, and still be on mah fahrm by nightfohl." "Yeah", replies his cousin, "I know what you mean. I once used to have a John Deere tractor like that too." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Natasha Claus, 36 Woking, England English Woman rode motorbike naked, got fingered in the street and punched a blind man and a cop A woman has been jailed and banned from entering Woking after she punched a blind man and was caught in the middle of a sex act in the street. Natasha Claus, 36, was described as ‘a mess’ by a judge after she turned up to court four hours late to be handed a 13-month prison sentence. The judge revealed that she had also been caught riding through the Surrey town naked on a motorbike, but added that she was not being sentenced for that particular incident. She pleaded guilty outraging public decency after she was caught in the middle of a sex act that Judge Peter Ross said was ‘no doubt for money’. Prosecutor John Upton said she was spotted in Goldsworth Road, Woking, ‘being fingered by a man’ on July 29 this year. A mother with her two children asked her to stop and Claus responded by threatening to punch her. When she was arrested at the scene, police said her jeans were pulled up, but her knickers were in her handbag. Mr Upton told Guildford Crown Court that she was in the habit of befriending vulnerable men then taking advantage of them. Trouble flared when one of those men was threatened with being kicked out of his flat by the local council because of her anti-social behaviour. They argued and Claus attacked him. Because he was registered blind, he couldn’t tell if it was with her palm or fist. When being arrested for the attack, she assaulted two police officers calling one of them a ‘P**i c**t’. Defence barrister Timothy Leete said that she was addicted to inhaling butane gas, leading Judge Moss to tell her ‘your life is a mess.’ The judge added: ‘Any assault on a vulnerable person is very serious indeed, as is any attack on the police officers who we have a moral obligation to protect.’ The judge also made reference to a further indecent incident, saying: ‘I had the impression there was some reference to her riding around on a motorbike with no clothes on, but that has nothing to do with the charges today.’ He told her: ‘You are a mess. Your life is a mess. I spoke to your son earlier and it is a testament to something in your son’s life that he’s never been to court and finds this whole situation awful. ‘I have made a criminal behaviour order against you, restricting your movements and behaviour.’ She was jailed for three months for the assault on the blind man, and two months for each attack on the police officer, two months for being racist to one of the officers, one month for outraging public decency and another month for abusing the woman who asked her to stop the sex act. She was also jailed for four months for breaching a suspended jail sentence. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Debi Re: NotifyAlert.exe Dear Webby, I enjoy your newsletter every day! Today I have a computer question that has been bugging my computer for some time. I continually get a “Notifyalert.exe." Hwo do I get rid if that? Debi Dear Debi Malwarebytes usually gets rid of that automatically. You can try using SearchEverything to find it and dump it. Notifyalert.exe could be from Novell, or from Dell, and most likely are due to transferring files from an old mqchine. Whatever the origin, you donèt need it, and most sources say you should get rid of it, since it opens a back door to malware. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Thanks to Mona for this story: Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time." I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson. The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
During the banquet celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" an anonymous voice yelled from the back of the room. Tom responded, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, self- restraint, meekness, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't need if you stayed single." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tablecloths for Fabric If you sew, a great way to find cheap fabric is to look at garage sales for tablecloths. Even if they have a stain or two, there will be plenty of good fabric for you to use for other projects. Tablecloths come in a variety of thicknesses, sizes and patterns so you can find fabric for a variety of projects. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Kids in the back seat cause accidents, and accidents in the back seat cause kids.
Medieval Monarchs Who Died In The Most Embarrassing Ways Imaginable.
A man and a woman had been married for ten years and decided to try and have kids. They had not been using birth control for the entire time they had been married, so they thought they may have a problem conceiving.The woman decided to go to the gynecologist and see if the problem was with her. She had been hard of hearing since she was little. The doctor examined her and came in to give her the conclusions. He said, "I'm sorry, but the problem is with you. You have insufficient passion and if you ever have a baby it will be a miracle." The woman was very upset and went home crying. Her husband got home and asked her what was wrong. She said, "The doctor told me I've got a fish up my passage and if I ever have a baby it will be a mackerel." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, December 31, in 
1687 The first Huguenots set sail from France for the Cape of
Good Hope, where they would later create the South African
wine industry with the vines they took with them on the
voyage. 

1695 The window tax was imposed in Britain, which resulted in
many windows being bricked up. 

1711 The Duke of Marlborough was dismissed as commander-in-
chief. 

1775 The British repulsed an attack by Continental Army
generals Richard Montgomery and Benedict Arnold at Quebec.
Montgomery was killed in the battle. 

1841 The State of Alabama enacted the first dental
legislation in the U.S. 

1857 Britain's Queen Victoria decided to make Ottawa the
capital of Canada. 

1879 Thomas Edison gave his first public demonstration of
incandescent lighting to an audience in Menlo Park, NJ. 

1891 New York's new Immigration Depot was opened at Ellis
Island, to provide improved facilities for the massive
numbers of arrivals. 

1897 Brooklyn, NY, spent its last day as a separate entity
before becoming part of New York City. 

1923 In London, the BBC first broadcast the chimes of Big
Ben. 

1929 Guy Lombardo and his Royal Canadians played "Auld Lang
Syne" as a New Year's Eve song for the first time. 

1946 U.S. President Truman officially proclaimed the end of
hostilities in World War II. 

1947 Roy Rogers and Dale Evans were married. 

1953 Willie Shoemaker broke his own record as he won his
485th race of the year. 

1955 General Motors became the first U.S. corporation to earn
more than one billion dollars in a single year. 

1960 The farthing coin, which had been in use in Great
Britain since the 13th century, ceased to be legal tender. 

1961 In the U.S., the Marshall Plan expired after
distributing more than $12 billion in foreign aid. 

1967 The Green Bay Packers won the National Football League
championship game by defeating the Dallas Cowboys 21-17. The
game is known as the Ice Bowl since it was played in a wind
chill of 40 degrees below zero. (NFL) 

1974 Private U.S. citizens were allowed to buy and own gold
for the first time in more than 40 years. 

1978 Taiwanese diplomats struck their colors for the final
time from the embassy flagpole in Washington, DC. The event
marked the end of diplomatic relations with the U.S. 

1979 At year end oil prices were 88% higher than at the start
of 1979. 

1986 A fire at the Dupont Plaza Hotel in San Juan, Puerto
Rico, killed 97 and injured 140 people. Three hotel workers
later pled guilty to charges in connection with the fire. 

1996 NCR Corp. became an independent company. 

1997 Michael Kennedy, 39-year-old son of the late U.S. Sen.
Robert F. Kennedy, was killed in a skiing accident on Aspen
Mountain in Colorado. 

1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin resigned. Prime Minister
Vladimir Putin was designated acting president. 

1999 Five hijackers left the airport where they had been
holding 150 hostages on an Indian Airlines plane. They left
with two Islamic clerics that they had demanded be freed from
an Indian prison. The plane had been hijacked during a flight
from Katmandu, Nepal to New Dehli on December 24. 

2004 In Taiwan, the Taipei 101 skyscraper opened to the
public. 

2017  smiled.


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Easy F-stop for digital cameras 





Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, December 30

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Texas lawyer got date so drunk, that she
ruined $300 K worth of his art collection
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, December 30 in
1853 The United States bought about 45,000 square miles of
land from Mexico in a deal known as the Gadsden Purchase. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Sometimes what's right isn't as important as what's profitable. --- Trey Parker and Matt Stone ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A new senate page was reporting for duty on Capitol Hill in Washington. The department head who was giving him his instructions said, "And another thing. You must remember the telephone number here. IF you are ever calling in from an outside line you must dial Capitol 4-3121." Then, noticing the puzzled look on the page's face, he said, "What's the matter? You look as though you don't understand." "Oh, nohtin , Senor," the new page said. "I jus donnow how to dial ta capital four!" ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Connie for this: My mother-in-law says that she can not understand how the lackluster, low mentality, loser that her daughter had the misfortune to marry could have produced such smart, intelligent, beautiful, and wonderful grandchildren. She is inclined to believe that genetics skips every other generation. Therefore she is not holding out much hope for her great-grandchildren. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ ____________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked if it was dead or alive. "Dead," she was informed. "How do you know?", she asked. "Because I pssed in his ear and it didn't move," said the child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?", the teacher squealed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'pssst' and he didn't move." _____________________________________________________ Reported by Walter, the stone carver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lindy Lou Layman, 29, Dallas, Texas Texas lawyer got date so drunk, that she ruined $300 K worth of his art collection Authorities say an intoxicated Dallas woman who was on a first date with a prominent Houston trial lawyer, caused at least $300,000 in damage to his art collection, including two Andy Warhol paintings. Lindy Lou Layman, 29, was arrested Saturday on criminal mischief charges after her date with Anthony Buzbee. She was released on $30,000 bond. Online court records don't list an attorney for her. Prosecutors say Buzbee, 49, told investigators that Layman got too intoxicated on their date, so he called her an Uber after they returned to his home. Buzbee said Layman refused to leave and hid inside the home, and that when he found her and called a second Uber, she got aggressive. Authorities said she tore down several paintings and poured red wine on some while yelling obscenities. She also allegedly threw two $20,000 sculptures across the room and shattered them. The damaged Warhol paintings were each valued at $500,000 in court documents. Buzbee has represented high-profile figures, including former Texas Gov. Rick Perry in an abuse-of-power case. Then- candidate Donald Trump also visited his home last year when Buzbee held a fundraiser and donated $250,000 to Trump's presidential campaign. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Allison Re: Darken picture setting Dear Webby, is there an easy way to darken an evening landscape with a digital camera like you would on a film camera by chosing a higher f-stop number? And still leave everything else set the same? Thanks Allison Dear Allison Yes, sure there is! Just flip open the flash. Even though the camera's computer knows that flash won't have any effect on distant landscapes or clouds, a good camera takes the hint and shortens the exposure time a bit. The result is the same as if you had closed the iris by one or two f-stops. Another trick is to change the setting from night to day. Not all, but many cameras take the hint. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. From Chuck W Speaking of Jackie, his two sons, Aaron and Ty, spent the night with me last week. Aaron always writes me a story when here, and Ty-Ty likes for me to scan and print cartoon pages he can color. I always give them folders to put their work in. When they got home, Marijane was unpacking their bag and said she nearly fainted. Ty-Ty had two folders -- one was clearly marked "fineshit" and the other "unfineshit." She said she called him in and shrieked, "What is this -- what IS this!?" Ty-Ty looked at her, clearly puzzled. "That one," he said, pointing to the first one, is "finished," and that one is "unfinished."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I was helping a friend of mine with his roadside farm stand when a man stopped by and asked how much the eggs were. "Sixty cents for the small, seventy cents for the medium, ninety cents for the large and thirty cents for the cracked ones," I answered. "All right," he said, "crack me a dozen of the large ones." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Leftover cereal for casseroles use leftover or stale cereal as a casserole topper. Just crumble it up and use in place of or in addition to crackers. Not all types of cereal work well for this. For example, fruit loops (or other sweetened cereal) probably wouldn't work well as a casserole topper, but cheerios and corn flakes can taste fantastic. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A waitress became violently ill while at work and was rushed by ambulance to the emergency room. In typical hospital fashion, she was placed on an examining table and then all but ignored for the next half-hour. Finally, she noticed a doctor out in the hall and yelled, "Please help me!" "Sorry," he replied, "it's not my table."
Removing 200 years of varnish from a painting.
The farmer took pity on a young passerby and agreed to hire him for a day. His first assignment was to paint the barn, which he did, including the tail of the donkey that poked through knot hole in the barn. The farmer was furious, but promised to give the boy another chance. This time he told him to string barb wire around the farm land, which he did, but when the rooster wouldn't stay out of the way he nailed him by accident to the fence post. The farmer this time was more furious that the last time, but again promised to give the boy one last chance. This time he told him to mow the yard, which he did, but the grass was so high he didn't see the cat hiding in the grass, and he ran the poor kitty over, hurting him badly. The farmer got so furious this time he called the sheriff. When the sheriff arrived, he asked the farmer why he wanted be boy arrested. "Well Officer," the farmer replied, "First he painted my ass red, Next he nailed my cock to the fence and finally, he ran over my wife's pussy with a lawn mower!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, December 30, in 
1460 At the Battle of Wakefield, in England's Wars of the
Roses, the Duke of York was defeated and killed by the
Lancastrians. 

1853 The United States bought about 45,000 square miles of
land from Mexico in a deal known as the Gadsden Purchase. 

1879 Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Pirates of Penzance" was
first performed, at Paignton, Devon, England. 

1880 The Transvaal was declared a republic. Paul Kruger
became its first president. 

1887 A petition to Queen Victoria with over one million names
of women appealing for public houses to be closed on Sundays
was handed to the home secretary. 

1903 About 600 people died when fire broke out at the
Iroquois Theater in Chicago, IL. 

1919 Lincoln's Inn, in London, admitted the first female bar
student. 

1922 The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR) was
formed. 

1924 Edwin Hubble announced the existence of other galactic
systems. 

1927 The first subway in the Orient was dedicated in Tokyo,
Japan. 

1935 Italian bombers destroyed a Sweedish Red Cross unit in
Ethiopia. 

1936 The United Auto Workers union staged its first sit-down
strike, at the Fisher Body Plant in Flint, MI. 

1940 California's first freeway was officially opened. It was
the Arroyo Seco Parkway connecting Los Angeles and Pasadena.


1944 King George II of Greece proclaimed a regency to rule
his country, virtually renouncing the throne. 

1947 King Michael of Romania abdicated in favor of a
Communist Republic. He claimed he was forced from his throne.


1948 "Kiss Me Kate" opened at the New Century Theatre in New
York City. Cole Porter composed the music for the classic
play that ran for 1,077 performances. 

1954 James Arness made his dramatic TV debut in "The Chase".
The "Gunsmoke" series didn’t begin for Arness until the fall
of 1955. 

1961 Jack Nicklaus lost his first attempt at pro golf to Gary
Player in an exhibition match in Miami, FL. 

1972 The United States halted its heavy bombing of North
Vietnam. 

1976 The Smothers Brothers, Tom and Dick, played their last
show at the Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas and retired as a team
from show business. Both continued as solo artists and they
reunited several years later. 

1980 "The Wonderful World of Disney" was cancelled by NBC
after more than 25 years on the TV. It was the longest-
running series in prime-time television history. 

1993 Israel and the Vatican established diplomatic relations.

1996 A passenger train was bombed by Bodo separatists in
India's eastern state of Assam. At least 26 people were
killed and dozens were seriously injured. 

1996 About 250,000 striking workers shut down vital services
across Israel in protests against budget cuts proposed by
Prime Minister Netanyahu. 

1997 More than 400 people were massacred in four villages in
the single worst incident during Algeria's insurgency.

2017  smiled.


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Choosing a Head Set 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, December 29
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Georgia man pulls gun at Burger King 
after complaining about slow service
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, December 29 in
1170 St. Thomas Becket, the 40th archbishop of Canterbury,
was murdered in his own cathedral by four knights acting on
Henry II's orders. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people. --- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860) Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories - those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost. --- Russell Baker ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. For bathroom facilities, they had to use an outhouse. The little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer, cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the water. One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and pushed. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away. That evening his dad sternly told him to sit down. Knowing he was in trouble, the little boy asked why. The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it, son?" The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth." The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in that cherry tree!" ____________________________________________________ Jack was driving home after a hard days work, and he was not in a good mood. Nothing at the office had gone right, and so when he was about to make the turn off and a car came wildly careening around the corner in his lane, he was furious! To make matters worse, the lady driving the car, a former neighbor whom he knew well, stuck her head out the window and screamed, "PIG! PIG!" Jack couldn't contain himself any longer. He rolled down his window, stuck his head out, and shouted, "OLD BATTLE AXE!" Still fuming, he drove around the corner . . . and ran into a pig, standing in the middle of the road. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ While looking for a nice picture I cam across this one from 2008. Had to laugh about the description I had given it: The view from my desk showed a smokey sunset again last night. Those forest fires just south of the border have been putting more greenhouse gases and hot air into the atmosphere every day, than all the politicians of the world combined can do in a year. If those fires are not extinguished soon, then all the global warming and ice age fear mongering theories will have to be reversed AGAIN. Those theory reversals just make the ecologists sound like McCain or Kerry. Amusing, but not very credible. ____________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Coming through the door after school one day, Little Johnny hollers out..."Okay everyone in the house, please stand advised that I, Little Johnny Elvis Smith, have on this date made a complete ass of myself in sex-education class, by repeating stories concerning storks, as told to me by certain parties residing in this house!" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Emanjula Daracus Brown, Lawrenceville, Georgia Georgia man pulls gun at Burger King after complaining about slow service A man threw a drink and pointed a gun at Burger King employees in Georgia on Dec. 23 because he and his family were not served promptly, according to a police report. Emanjula Daracus Brown was with his wife and three children at the Burger King in Lawrenceville waiting for food, according to the report. Employees told police that Brown and his wife, who was not arrested, became “irate” and began throwing drinks at the employees while waiting for their order. Brown also pulled a gun out and pointed it at the employees, they told police. Brown and his family had left the restaurant by the time officers arrived, but an officer soon pulled Brown’s car over, the report said. Brown told the officer that he was being “respectful and polite” at the Burger King, where he was in a long line of people waiting for food. Brown said he saw a manager on her phone, not helping prepare food, and asked her to get off her phone and assist in completing the orders. The manager “responded very rudely and began to get in his face,” Brown told police. Brown said he continued to be polite, but the manager threw a cup of liquid at him. Brown then threw a cup of liquid at the manager and demanded a refund, he told police. The manager then threw a cup of coffee at Brown and threatened to throw hot oil at him, Brown told police. Brown’s wife got a gun from their car, but Brown took it from her and put it in his back pocket, he told police. While Brown was stopped and interviewed by a police officer, another officer reviewed surveillance footage and interviewed the manager that Brown said threw beverages at him. Brown was arrested, and the manager was not. Brown has been charged with simple battery, battery, aggravated assault, criminal trespass damage, possession of a firearm or knife during the commission of a felony, misdemeanor third-degree child cruelty and felony third- degree child cruelty. More charges may be added. Bullshitting the police is frowned upon. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Tiny Re: Headset Dear Webby, I'm interested in getting a mic. for my computer. Preferably one with a headset. Could you reccomend a good one with little or no feedback and distortion? Thanks in advance! Tiny Dear Tiny Modern headsets don't have feedback or distortion problems. As long as you avoid the single ear types, just about any headset will be fine. Cup types are more comfortable than ON-Ear, and those are more comfortable than IN-Ear. With Cup and ON-Ear the leather (or fake leather) cushion types are more comfortable and usually have better acoustics than the bare foam cushion types, but are also more expensive. Unless you have "tall hair", traditional over-the-head hoops are more comfortable than behind-the-head horizontal hoops. If you browse to http://dalco.com and type headset into the search field, you will see about 10 headsets ranging from $6 to just over $20. They even have a wireless headset for under $10. If you want top quality sound, try their Cyber Accoustics Pro, but if you are just going to use it for hands free phone calls via Skype, the $6 headset is quite good enough. Skype is quite good at filtering out non-essential backgrounds. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. There was a farmer who sold a pound of butter to the baker. One day the baker decided to weigh the butter to see if he was getting a pound and he found that he was not. This angered him and he took the farmer to court. The judge asked the farmer if he was using any measure. The farmer replied, your Honor, I am primitive. I don't have a proper measure, but I do have a scale." The judge asked, "Then how do you weigh the butter?" The farmer replied "Your Honor, long before the baker started buying butter from me, I have been buying a pound loaf of bread from him. Every day when the baker brings the bread, I put it on the scale and give him the same weight in butter. If anyone is to be blamed, it is the baker."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories - those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost. --- Russell Baker ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Empty Tennis Ball Containers If you have a tennis player in the family, save those empty tennis ball containers. They are the perfect size for bringing silverware to a cookout or picnic. You can also use them to hold you tent stakes when you go camping. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ "Oh Doctor, My husband thinks he is a chicken." "Oh no - how long has this been going on?" "About a year!" "A year! Why did you wait so long to come see me?" "Well, we needed the eggs."
Removing 200 years of varnish from a painting.
A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them. "Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'come fly the friendly skies'?" Joe answered the correct airline. "Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it?" Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty. "Now John, Tell me which company bears the slogan, 'Just do it'?" John answered, "Mom." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, December 29, in 
1170 St. Thomas à Becket, the 40th archbishop of Canterbury,
was murdered in his own cathedral by four knights acting on
Henry II's orders. 

1812 The USS Constitution won a battle with the British ship
HMS Java about 30 miles off the coast of Brazil. Before
Commodore William Bainbridge ordered the sinking of the Java
he had her wheel removed to replace the one the Constitution
had lost during the battle. 

1813 The British burned Buffalo, NY, during the War of 1812. 

1837 Canadian militiamen destroyed the Caroline, a U.S.
steamboat docked at Buffalo, NY. 

1848 U.S. President James Polk turned on the first gas light
at the White House. 

1860 The HMS Warrior, Britain's first seagoing iron-hulled
warship, was launched. 

1888 The first performance of Macbeth took place at the
Lyceum Theatre. 

1890 The U.S. Seventh Cavalry massacred over 400 men, women
and children at Wounded Knee Creek, SD. This was the last
major conflict between Indians and U.S. troops. 

1895 The Jameson Raid from Mafikeng into Transvaal, which
attempted to overthrow Kruger's Boer government, started. 

1911 Sun Yat-sen became the first president of a republican
China. 

1913 "The Unwelcome Throne" was released by Selig’s Polyscope
Company. This was a moving picture and the first serial
motion picture. 

1934 Japan renounced the Washington Naval Treaty of 1922 and
the London Naval Treaty of 1930. 

1940 During World War II, Germany began dropping incendiary
bombs on London. 

1945 The mystery voice of Mr. Hush was heard for the first
time on the radio show, "Truth or Consequences", hosted by
Ralph Edwards. 

1945 Sheb Wooley recorded the first commercial record made in
Nashville, TN. 

1949 KC2XAK of Bridgeport, Connecticut became the first
ultrahigh frequency (UHF) television station to begin
operating on a regular daily schedule. 

1952 The first transistorized hearing aid was offered for
sale by Sonotone Corporation. 

1975 A bomb exploded in the main terminal of New York's
LaGuardia Airport. 11 people were killed. 

1985 Phil Donahue and a Soviet radio commentator hosted the
"Citizens’ Summit" via satellite TV. 

1986 The Biltmore Hotel in Coral Gables, FL, reopened for
business after eighteen years and $47 million expended on
restoration. 

1989 Following Hong Kong's decision to forcibly repatriate
some Vietnamese refugees, thousands of Vietnamese 'boat
people' battled with riot police. 

1989 Vaclav Havel was elected president of Czechoslovakia by
the country's Federal Assembly. He was the first non-
Communist to hold the position in more than four decades. 

1996 The Guatemalan government and leaders of the leftist
Guatemalan National Revolutionary Union signed a peace accord
in Guatemala City, ending a civil war that had lasted 36
years. 

1997 Hong Kong began killing 1.25 million chickens, the
entire population, for fear of the spread of 'bird flu.' 

1998 Khmer Rouge leaders apologized for the 1970s genocide in
Cambodia that claimed 1 million lives. 

1999 The Nasdaq composite index closed at 4,041.46. It was
the first close above 4,000.

2017  smiled.


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OE Address book pilfered 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, December 28

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Ohio wannabe store robber caught with 
VERY fake gun
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, December 28 in
1869 William E. Semple, of Mt. Vernon, OH, patented an
acceptable chewing gum.

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. --- Carl Jung ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A guy takes his greenhorn wife hunting on a ranch. When they reach their deer blinds, the guy says, "If you shoot a deer, be sure not to let somebody else say he's the one who shot it. Otherwise, he'll take the deer from you. The deer belongs to whoever shoots it." The guy goes to his own blind. Ten minutes later, he hears his wife shooting from her blind nearby. He rushes over and finds her pointing her rifle at a cowboy who's hollering, "Awright, lady, awright - you can have your freaking deer! Just lemme get my saddle off it....!" ____________________________________________________ A guy is walking down the street with his friend. He says to his friend, "I'm a walking economy." His friend replies, "How's that?" "It's like this -- my hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of these factors is putting me into a depression." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Bank is closed today ____________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined. After the trial he asked the judge, "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true. "Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action. The man then proceeded to look directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jeffrey Derringer, 48, Akron, Ohio Ohio wannabe store robber caught with VERY fake gun Employees and customers of a convenience store in Akron fought back during an attempted robbery. It happened at about 2 p.m. Monday at the Circle K on North Main Street. Akron police said the suspect, who is a known customer, entered the building and waved what appeared to be a rifle above his head. The man, identified as Jeffrey Derringer, told everyone to get on the floor, police said. He wanted the cash register open. One employee ran and called police. That’s when a second employee realized the gun was fake, ran around the counter and confronted Derringer, with the help of three customers. Derringer ran from the store, but was caught by workers and witnesses. He was detained until police arrived. The 48-year-old Akron man was charged with aggravated robbery and taken to the Summit County Jail. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ted Re: OE Address book pilfered Dear Webby, Somehow someone got into my address book and is sending virus laden messages with my e-mail address as the sender to another person in my address book. My Virus checker (McAfee) says I have no known viruses Is it spyware that does that? How do I prevent it in the future? Thanks, Ted Dear Ted That is one of the reasons some of us don't like Outlook or Outlook Depressed. Probably some spyware harvested your Outlook Depressed address book and passed the information on. About all you can do now is change your address, so that at least you won't get the bounce-backs. For the future I would highly recommend upgrading to a another mail program, and to run Spybot-Search&Destroy now and then. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. "Make me one with everything," the Buddhist monk said to the hot-dog vendor who was hawking food near the temple. The vendor made a frank with mustard, ketchup, relish, and onions. The monk took it and handed over a twenty-dollar bill. The vendor stashed the cash in his apron and turned his attention to the next customer. "But where's my change?" the monk inquired. "Change must come from within, my friend," said the vendor.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Dave for this story: One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice." "Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Bedding, Clothing and Soft Toys This is a great idea to store all your bedding, out of season clothes, material and stuffed animals. Simply use heavy duty garbage bags and fill them as full as you can but still able to gather the top together. Put your vacuum attachment into the opening close the top around it. Hold it tightly turn on your vacuum and watch it shrink to about 1/4 of the size. By Brenda Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Now you cann get clear, heavy dyty grbage bags. Then you can see at a glance what the contents are. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ The computer swallowed grandma Yes, honestly it's true. She pressed 'control' and 'enter' And disappeared from view. It devoured her completely, The thought just makes me squirm. She must have caught a virus Or been eaten by a worm. I've searched through the recycle bin And files of every kind; I've even used the Internet, But nothing did I find. In desperation, I asked Jeeves My searches to refine. The reply from him was negative, Not a thing was found 'online.' So, if inside your 'Inbox,' My Grandma you should see, Please 'Copy,''Scan' and 'Paste' her And send her back to me! This is a tribute to all the Grandmas who have been fearless and learned to use the computer... They are the greatest!!! -------------- And some GreatGrammas too!
The fainting goats of Tennessee.
Garden Grass Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why. A couple in Morro Bay, California, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent chilly spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. (?) It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream. The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor. His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance. The attendants rushed in, wouldn't listen to his protests and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out. About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical! Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital. The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor man. He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief. But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa. The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her. The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed 11 stitches. The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that he had been bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat. By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake. The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife. The little snake again crawled out from under the sofa. One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke it started a fire in the drapes. The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car. Meanwhile, the burning drapes, were seen by the neighbors who called the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire truck ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out). Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car, and all was right with their world. A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants! for the night. That's when he left her and moved to Alaska, where they dont have any snakes ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, December 28, in 

1065 Westminster Abbey was consecrated under Edward the
Confessor. 

1694 Queen Mary II of England died after five years of
joint rule with her husband, King William III. 

1732 "The Pennsylvania Gazette," owned by Benjamin
Franklin, ran an ad for the first issue of "Poor Richard’s
Almanack." 

1836 Mexico's independence was recognized by Spain. 

1869 William E. Semple, of Mt. Vernon, OH, patented an
acceptable chewing gum. 

1877 John Stevens applied for a patent for his flour-
rolling mill, which boosted production by 70%. 

1879 In Dundee, Scotland the central portion of the Tay
Bridge collapsed as a train was passing over it. 75 people
were killed. 

1895 In Paris, the first commercial public screening of
cinematographic films took place. 

1897 "Cyrano de Bergerac," the play by Edmond Rostand,
premiered in Paris, France. 

1908 An earthquake killed over 75,000 at Messina in Sicily.


1912 The first municipally-owned street cars were used on
the streets of San Francisco, CA. 

1917 The New York Evening Mail published a facetious essay
by H.L. Mencken on the history of bathtubs in America. 

1926 The highest recorded cricket innings score of 1,107
runs was hit by Victoria, against New South Wales, in
Melbourne. 

1937 The Irish Free State became the Republic of Ireland
when a new constitution established the country as a
sovereign state under the name of Eire. 

1942 R.O. Sullivan crossed the Atlantic Ocean for the 100th
time. 

1945 The U.S. Congress officially recognized the "Pledge of
Allegiance." 

1964 Initial filming of the movie "Dr. Zhivago" began on
location near Madrid, Spain. The movies total running time
is 197 minutes. 

1973 The Chamber of Commerce of Akron, OH, terminated its
association with the All-American Soap Box Derby. It was
stated that the race had become "a victim of cheating and
fraud." 

1973 Alexander Solzhenitsyn published "Gulag Archipelago,"
an expose of the Soviet prison system. 

1981 Elizabeth Jordan Carr, the first American test-tube
baby, was born in Norfolk, VA. 

1982 Nevell Johnson Jr. was mortally wounded by a police
officer in a Miami video arcade. The event set off three
days of race riots, that left another man dead. 

1987 The bodies of 14 relatives of R. Gene Simmons were
found at his home near Dover, AR. Simmons had gone on a
shooting spree in Russellville that claimed two other
lives. 

1989 Alexander Dubcek, who had been expelled from the
Communist Party in 1970, was elected speaker of the Czech
parliament. 

1991 Nine people died in a rush to get into a basketball
game at City College in New York. 

1995 Pressure from German prosecutors investigating
pornography forced CompuServe to set a precedent by
blocking access to sex-oriented newsgroups on the Internet
for its customers. 

2000 U.S. District Court Judge Matsch held a hearing to
ensure that confessed Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh
understood that he was dropping his appeals. McVeigh said
that he wanted an execution date set, but wanted to reserve
the right to seek presidential clemency.  

2017  smiled.


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Using a PC as a fax machine 





Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, December 27

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Fugitive arrested when he tried to rob 
Newark airport store
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, December 27 in
1845 Dr. Crawford Williamson-Long used anesthesia for
childbirth for the first time. The event was the delivery
of his own child in Jefferson, GA. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ "More Americans can name the three stooges than the three branches of government. Well, that's because the three stooges are more likely to get something done." --- David Letterman ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One Sunday in a Midwest city, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew, but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!" _____________________________________________________ The new Supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn. I don't buy toilet paper there any more. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ ____________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Our five-year-old grandson couldn't wait to tell his grand- father about the movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark, "What made the submarine sink, was it the octopus?" With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "No, Grampa, it was the 20,000 leaks!" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ernesto Rodriguez-Zazueta, 46, Newark, NJ Fugitive arrested when he tried to rob Newark airport store One man was taken into custody Friday morning when he tried to rob an electronics store in Newark Airport, authorities said. Ernesto Rodriguez-Zazueta, 46, who authorities said was a fugitive from the Drug Enforcement Agency, was arrested by Port Authority Police inside the airport. Rodriguez-Zazueta allegedly entered a Blue Wire Electronics store in Terminal C of Newark Airport Friday around 7 a.m., authorities said. He went behind the counter, and used a pen to mimic a weapon while demanding cash from a shop worker, they said. The worker struggled with Rodriguez-Zazueta, but was able to call Port Authority Police. Officers apprehended and arrested Rodriguez-Zazueta. One officer sustained minor injuries while in a struggle with Rodriguez-Zazueta, but was quickly treated, authorities said. During processing, police said Rodriguez-Zazueta gave several false names before officers discovered his true identity. Records show that Rodriguez-Zazueta was the subject of a federal arrest warrant for illegal drug sales, and was listed on the DEA's most wanted list. The report was filed by St. Louis DEA officials, but Rodriguez-Zazueta's last listed address was in Norfolk, Nebraska. Rodriguez-Zazueta was charged with robbery, resisting arrest and for hindering apprehension. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Eddie Re: Using my PC for a Fax machine Dear Webby, I have "Windows 10".... So can it work? and how much does this cost? Eddie Dear Eddie All it will cost you is reading the instructions. You got the Fax already included in w10 and just have to set it up. It acts just like a printer. When you hit CTRL P to print, then you select FAX instead of the regular printer. If, for some reason, your built in fax does not work, or if you dont have a spare connection to your phone line, then browse to https://faxzero.com/ You can use that from anywhere, even if you dont have access to a phone line, for example if you are using the WiFi at the donut shop. You can send 5 pages for free, and a small nominal fee, ($1,99) for 25 pages. I have used https://faxzero.com/ for many years. Never any problem, as long as the recipient has paper in their fax machine. I use them mainly because I dont like receiving junk faxes, which is a real problem when you have a business number. So I dont have Winfax set up or even a phone line connected to the computer. For the few faxes I send, FaxZero is the perfect solution. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man, replied, "it's Thursday." The third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Italian Vermicelli Soup By suz1230 [8 Posts, 20 Comments] There's nothing like a hot bowl of beefy soup when it's cold outside. This is one of those soups that are really fail safe in that you can't really hurt it if you don't follow the directions exactly. Prep Time: 20 min approx Cook Time: 2 and 1/2 hrs approx. Total Time: Start to finish about 2.5 hrs-3hrs Ingredients: 3-4 lb chuck roast 2-3 Tbsp oil (to sear the chuck roast) 3/4 cup chopped white or yellow onion 2-3 leaves bay leaves 1/4 tsp salt or to taste preference 1/4-1/3 tsp pepper 1/4-3/4 tsp Italian seasoning 2-4 cubes beef bouillon 4-5 cups water 1/2 lb spaghetti pasta or Vermicelli pasta 1 can petite diced tomatoes Steps: Sear the chuck roast meat. You want a really good sear on both sides. Almost to the point where you think its going to burn it, but don't burn it. Cook at a medium high heat about 7ish minutes on each side. You'll know when it's super browned you've got that great sear. Coarsely chop your onion while the chuck roast is searing. When the meat is seared real good on both sides, throw your chopped onion into the same pot. Cook the onion on the medium high heat with your meat until the onions are caramelized slightly. Pour in your water and spices. Turn the heat down to the lowest simmer and put on a lid. The meat with the water and spices are going to now cook for 2-3 hrs, depending on when the meat is tender to your preference. Check the pot about every 45 min to an hour or so, because you may need to add 1/8 of a cup of water to it in a hour to an hour and a half, as it will reduce. In another pot cook your pasta, then drain it and just put a little oil on it, as to keep it from sticking together, and stir that around in the pot it cooked in just to get the pasta "oiled very very lightly", as you'll be adding that to the beef stock when the meat is done cooking. When the meat is done to your desired tenderness (mine was about 2.5 hrs), then turn off the pot of stock and using a meat fork, remove the meat from the pot so you can cut or tear it up into bite size pieces. Now add your cooked and drained pasta back into the beef stock. Now add your cut or torn up Chuck roast back into the pot with the stock and pasta. Add the diced tomatoes and a touch of salt and pepper on top of all that. Now it's ready. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com For the busy bachelor version you can use Italian or Farmer sausage for the meat cut in half lengthwise and then sliced. Sear it with the onion. Go ahead and just use the whole onion. Add a teaspoon of Minsestrone soup powder from the Bulk Barn instead of the oxo cubes. For the pasta, when done, "scare it" with a cup of cold water to make it non-stick, just like the Italian chefs do, before you tip it into the colander. For the tomatoes I use "stewed tomatoes", unless I have a fresh one handy. Either way, the tomatoes need to be stired in and simmered for a few minutes to get the real Italian flavor going. I usually have leftovers for the next day and simply add veggies. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Maria for this story: A man is traveling with his wife and mother-in-law in a far east country. At a place of honor, his mother-in-law makes a careless remark, which the native people take as an insult to the royal family. The man is dragged off to court with his wife and mother- in-law and are sentenced to corporal punishment. Each of them are to receive 50 lashes on the rear end with a cane. But because the royal family doesn't want to appear hostile to foreigners, they grant the guests in their country a wish beforehand, as long as it can be fulfilled. The man's wife is first and she requests that a pillow be bound to her rear end before the lashings. The wish is granted, but because the pillow is too small, and the executioner also hits her back a couple of times, she receives a few blows. Next it is the man's mother-in-law's turn. Since she saw what happened to her daughter, she requests a pillow to be bound on her rear end and a pillow be bound on her back before the lashings. The mother in law's wish is granted and she receives her fifty lashes, but hardly feels the pain through the pillows. Then it is the man's turn, and he tells the leader of the royal family, "I have two wishes. Do you want to fulfill them for me?" The leader says, "Because you are a guest in our country, we want to fulfill your wishes for you, as long as they are reasonable." So, the man says, "I would like a hundred lashes instead of fifty." The executioner is surprised, but says, "Yes, that is a pious wish, it shall be granted to you. And what is your second wish?" And the man says, "I would like to have my mother-in-law bound to my back."
The beautifully painted Monasteries of Romania. It's amazing to me what colorful paintings ancient men did without the modern paints we have today.
To get acquainted with his new Parish, the Priest decided to call on some members daily. One he selected was a young widow, her husband, according to the index card, had died two years ago. After knocking at the door, he was greeted by a young lady with a baby in her arms. He said, "I'm sorry, I must have the wrong address, I was looking for the widow Laffitte." "You've found her Father." smiled the lady. "Well, according to the card here, it says your husband died over two years ago." he said glancing at the baby in her arms. "That's correct Father, he surely did... but I didn't." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, December 27, in 
1703 The Methuen Treaty was signed between Portugal and
England, giving preference to the import of Portuguese
wines into England. 

1831 Charles Darwin set out on a voyage to the Pacific
aboard the HMS Beagle. Darwin's discoveries during the
voyage helped him form the basis of his theories on
evolution. 

1845 Dr. Crawford Williamson Long used anesthesia for
childbirth for the first time. The event was the delivery
of his own child in Jefferson, GA. 

1900 Carrie Nation staged her first raid on a saloon at the
Carey Hotel in Wichita, KS. She broke each and every one of
the liquor bottles that could be seen. 

1904 James Barrie's play "Peter Pan" premiered in London. 

1927 Leon Trotsky was expelled from the Communist Party. 

1938 The first skimobile course in America opened in North
Conway, NH. 

1945 The World Bank was created with an agreement signed by
28 nations. 

1947 The children's television program "Howdy Doody,"
hosted by Bob Smith, made its debut on NBC. 

1949 Queen Juliana of the Netherlands granted sovereignty
to Indonesia after more than 300 years of Dutch rule. 

1951 In Cincinnati, OH, a Crosley automobile, with a
steering wheel on the right side, became the first vehicle
of its kind to be placed in service for mail delivery. 

1965 The BP oil rig Sea Gem capsized in the North Sea, with
the loss of 13 lives. 

1978 Spain adopted a new constitution and became a
democracy after 40 years of dictatorship. 

1979 Soviet forces seized control of Afghanistan. Babrak
Karmal succeeded President Hafizullah Amin, who was
overthrown and executed. 

1985 Palestinian guerrillas opened fire inside the Rome and
Vienna airports. A total of twenty people were killed,
including five of the attackers, who were slain by police
and security personnel. 

1985 Dian Fossey, an American naturalist, was found
murdered at a research station in Rawanda. 

1992 The U.S. shot down an Iraqi fighter jet during what
the Pentagon described as a confrontation between a pair of
Iraqi warplanes and U.S. F-16 jets in U.N.-restricted
airspace over southern Iraq. 

1996 Muslim fundamentalist Taliban forces retook the
strategic air base of Bagram, solidifying their buffer zone
around Kabul, the Afghanistan capital. 

1997 In Northern Ireland, Billy Wright was assassinated. He
was imprisoned as a Protestant paramilitary leader. 

2000 Mario Lemeiux (Pittsburgh Penguins) returned to the
National Hockey League (NHL) as a player after over 3 years
of retirement. He was the first owner-player in the modern
era of pro sports. Lemieux had purchased the Pittsburgh
Penguins during his retirement from playing. 

2001 U.S. President George W. Bush granted China permanent
normal trade status with the United States. 

2002 North Korea ordered U.N. nuclear inspectors to leave
the country and said that it would restart a laboratory
capable of producing plutonium for nuclear weapons. 

2002 Clonaid announced the birth of the first cloned human
baby. The baby had been born December 26. 

2002 In Chechnya, at least 40 people were killed when
suicide bombers attacked the administartion of Grozny.

2017  smiled.


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How long should you keep a blacklist? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, December 26
Happy Boxing Day!

Thank You, Ian!
Thank you Nancy!

-28 and a brutal wind filled with drifting snow made my
walk so uncomfortable, that I shortened my route. It was
a reminder of Carl Sagans "Ice Age is Coming" rant from
the 70s, that got you feeling guilty about fun muscle cars.

So you got rid of powerful cars, and got Gullible Warming.
What now, is the cause of the current cold ripple? 

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Older Couple Caught With 60 Pounds Of Pot 
Said It Was For Christmas Gifts
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, December 26 in
1865 The coffee percolator was patented by James H. Mason.

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. --- Carl Zwanzig A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on. --- William S. Burroughs (1914 - 1997) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb? Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb? Border Collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid lamp! Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry. Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me! Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . . . Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I? Malamute: Let the Border collie do it.. You can feed me while he's busy. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark. Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch. Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark. Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there... Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares? Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle... Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb? _____________________________________________________ One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last! As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!" "Don't worry," said the auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Split Rock, Minnesota ____________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ 'LOST' screamed the ad in a local paper in Celina, Ohio. 'Female medium-size gray tiger cat. Answers to Lucy, sometimes, or Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, sometimes, or the sound of an electric can opener, always.' _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Patrick Jiron, 80, Clearlake Oaks, California Older Couple Caught With 60 Pounds Of Pot Said It Was For Christmas Gifts The street value of the Christmas haul was estimated at $336,000. A routine traffic stop in York County, Nebraska, on Tuesday turned out to be anything but routine. That’s because officers found 60 pounds of pot in the vehicle, which was occupied by an older couple traveling on Interstate 80, according to the York News-Times. Deputies in York County stopped a Toyota Tacoma after it crossed the center line and the driver failed to signal. Deputies said they immediately smelled what appeared to be raw marijuana. When drug-sniffing dogs confirmed their suspicion, officers searched the pickup and found the weed in boxes inside the pickup topper, the newspaper reported. York County sheriff’s Lt. Paul Vrbka told the paper he estimated the confiscated cannabis to be worth about $336,000. Patrick Jiron, 80, was arrested on charges of possession of marijuana with the intent to deliver and having no drug tax stamp, both felonies. Jiron was released after he posted 10 percent of his $100,000 bond, according to the York News-Times. His wife, 70-year-old Barbara Jiron, was cited but not jailed due to what Vrbka described as ”some medical issues.” Vrbka said the couple told police they were traveling to Vermont from Clearlake Oaks, California, and intended to give out the weed as Christmas presents, according to WOWT.com. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Eliza Re: How long to keep blacklist? Dear Webby, You mentioned at one time how long to keep addresses in the Mailwasher blacklist. I am quite happy with MailWasher, but I noticed that the blacklist file is getting quite large, and sooner or later that must be putting a load on my machine. And how do you deal with spammers that keep changing their forged sending addresses? Eliza Dear Eliza MailWasher generally ignores the sender address, unless it is in the blacklist, since most spammers forge their sender address anyway. MailWasher checks the content of spam. Persistent spammers like the Bed & Bath crooks are best dealt with a filter. It takes 20 seconds to make a filter, and you never see mail from those crooks again. To keep the blacklist short and fast, I age it off in two days. By then the spammers usually change their address anyway. For those of you who haven't got MailWasher yet, click on the MailWasher button in the right side menu and get a free trial copy. DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A man is sitting down on a public toilet when suddenly, the guy in the stall next to him says: Hi, how are you? Um...fine, answers the man. What are you up to? asks the other guy. I?m traveling, the man says hesitantly. "Are you coming over soon?" "Excuse me?" Mind if I stop over?? What? ARE YOU CRAZY? Don?t even think of coming over here!" Hey, Ill call you back, says the other guy. The idiot in the next stall thinks I am talkin to him.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Put Luggage to Use This is a handy tip if you don't use your luggage regularly. Instead of storing it empty, fill it up with out of season clothing or extra blankets. Attach a tag that lists to contents on the handle so you can see what is in it at a glance. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A motorist driving by a Texas ranch hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth. "Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out." The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer. "Here," he said, "is a check for $900. It's postdated six years from now."
The beautifully painted Monasteries of Romania. It's amazing to me what colorful paintings ancient men did without the modern paints we have today.
Six-year old Angie, and her four-year old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two big men in gangster suits standing by the door? They're hushers." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, December 26, in 
1620 The Pilgrim Fathers landed at New Plymouth, MA, to
found Plymouth Colony, with John Carver as Governor. 

1776 The British suffered a major defeat in the Battle of
Trenton during the American Revolutionary War. 

1865 The coffee percolator was patented by James H. Mason. 

1898 Marie and Pierre Curie discovered radium. 

1908 Texan boxer "Galveston Jack" Johnson knocked out Tommy
Burns in Sydney, Australia, to become the first black
boxer
to win the world heavyweight title. 

1917 During World War I, the U.S. government took over
operation of the nation's railroads to prevent strikes. 

1921 The Catholic Irish Free State became a self-governing
dominion of Great Britain. 

1927 The East-West Shrine football game featured numbers on
both the front and back of players’ jerseys. 

1941 Winston Churchill became the first British prime
minister to address a joint meeting of the U.S. Congress. 

1941 U.S. President Roosevelt signed a resolution that set 
a fixed-date, the fourth Thursday of November, for the
Federal Thanksgiving Day holiday. 

1943 The German battlecruiser Scharnhorst was sunk in the
North Sea, during the Battle of North Cape. 

1944 Tennessee Williams' play "The Glass Menagerie" was
first performed publicly, at the Civic Theatre in Chicago,
IL. 

1947 Heavy snow blanketed the Northeast United States,
burying New York City under 25.8 inches of snow in 16
hours. The severe weather was blamed for about 80 deaths. 

1953 "Big Sister" was heard for the last time on CBS Radio.
The show had run for 17 years. 

1956 Fidel Castro attempted a secret landing in Cuba to
overthrow the Batista regime. All but 11 of his supporters
were killed. 

1959 The first charity walk took place, along Icknield Way,
in aid of the World Refugee Fund. 

1982 The Man of the Year in "TIME" magazine was a computer.
It was the first time a non-human received the honors. 

1986 Doug Jarvis, age 31, set a National Hockey League
(NHL) record as he skated in his 916th consecutive game.
Jarvis eventually set the individual record for most
consecutive games played with 964. 

1986 "Search for Tomorrow" was seen for the last time on
CBS-TV. The show had been on the air for 35-years. 

1991 The Soviet Union's parliament formally voted the
country out of existence. 

1995 Israel turned dozens of West Bank villages over to the
Palestinian Authority. 

1996 Six-year-old beauty queen Jon Benet Ramsey was found
beaten and strangled in the basement of her family's home
in Boulder, CO. 

1998 Iraq announced that it would fire on U.S. and British
warplanes that patrol the skies over northern and southern
Iraq. 

1999 Alfonso Portillo, a populist lawyer, won Guatemala's
first peacetime presidential elections in 40 years. 

2000 Michael McDermott, age 42, opened fire at his place of
employment killing seven people. McDermott had no criminal
history. 

2002 The first cloned human baby was born. The announcement
was made the December 27 by Clonaid. 

2004 Under the Indian Ocean, a 9.0 magnitude earthquake
sent 500-mph waves across the Indian Ocean and Bay of
Bengal. The tsunami killed at least 283,000 people in a
dozen countries, including Sri Lanka, Indonesia, Sumatra,
Thailand and India.

2017  smiled.


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HTML from MS-WORD 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, December 25

Merry Christmas!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Car jackers caught thanks to navigation system
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, December 25 in
1223 St. Francis of Assisi assembled one of the first
Nativity scenes, in Greccio, Italy. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ How hard it is, sometimes, to trust the evidence of one's senses! How reluctantly the mind consents to reality. --- Norman Douglas ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Several weeks after Christmas, I stopped by my sister's house and my 7 year old nephew greeted me with, "Thanks for the Sea Scout Signal Whistle you gave me for Christmas! It's the best present I ever got." "That's great, Did you learn how to pipe any signals on it?" "Oh, I don't play with it," the little guy said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to blow it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to blow it at night." _____________________________________________________ Anni got a part time job in a local restaurant to pick up a little spare change. She was concerned about being able to carry the heavy trays and serve from them but a co-worker explained that there were tray stands placed throughout the restaurant. A nervous Anni served all the lunches successfully last Saturday utilizing every stand he could find. Afterward Anni was concerned about an elderly couple that had finished some time ago and paid their check, but remained sitting at the table. When Anni asked if everything had been all right, the man said quietly, " Yes, It was fine, dear," , "but my wife and I would like to leave now and we were wondering if she could please have her walker back?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ ____________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ When the famous politician and orator William Jennings Bryan (1860-1925) was a young man, he went to the home of the father of his prospective wife to ask him for her hand in marriage. Bryan was determined to impress the father by quoting from the Bible, and he chose Proverbs 18:22: "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD." Bryan was unnerved when the father replied by quoting Paul: "So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better." (1 Corinthians 7:38) Bryan, never at a loss for words, said: "Yes, but Paul had no wife and Solomon had 700. Therefore, I believe Solomon ought to be the better judge as to marriage." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christopher Bellamy, 25, of West Palm Beach Elias Evans, 19, of Riviera Beach, Floriduh Car jackers arrested Two men are being held without bond at the Palm Beach County Jail after they allegedly carjacked a man of a vehicle he had just purchased, according to an arrest report. Christopher Bellamy, 25, of West Palm Beach and Elias Evans, 19, of Riviera Beach are each facing charges of carjacking with a firearm and robbery with a firearm. The carjacking victim, who is 22 and from Lantana, was forced at gunpoint Friday to give up his 2009 BMW, his gold teeth, a belt and $143 in cash, the report said. A passenger in the BMW was robbed of $20 and an iPhone. The passenger, a 17-year-old boy, told Riviera Beach police he was contacted by a man he knows only as “Deandre” to hang out on the 1100 block of West 23rd Street, just north of Blue Heron Boulevard. After about 30 minutes, the 17- year-old called his friend, the BMW owner, to pick him up, the report said. As the BMW was pulling away, Deandre knocked on a rear window and asked for a ride to the store. He got into the car along with Bellamy and Evans, the report said. Deandre then allegedly pulled a gun and put it in the driver’s face. “This is how it is going to go down,” Deandre told the driver. After robbing the driver and passenger, the three men jumped into the BMW and left. The vehicle was equipped with a navigation system that allowed police to track its location. Riviera Beach police, assisted by West Palm Beach police, arrested Bellamy and Evans as they exited the car at 10th Street and Tamarind Avenue in West Palm Beach. The man known as Deandre has not yet been arrested. Bellamy and Evans refused to speak to police after their arrest, the report said. A phone belonging to the BMW’s owner was allegedly found in Bellamy’s possession, police say. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Maria Re: HTML from MS WORD Dear Webby, I write my web pages by saving MS WORD docs as HTML. Usually that works OK. When it didn't, I asked my ISP to look at it and fix it. He got quite rude about it and was of no help. Can you fix it for me? Maria Dear Maria No, I won't, but I'll try not to get rude about it. The HTML produced by WORD does sorta work, but it is definitely not suitable for quick fixes or updating. The code looks awful and any fixes are very time consuming, especially when compared to clean HTML. Your best bet is to just write a new doc and convert that, or use a proper HTML editor to write your pages. I doubt that you will find any volunteer to fix that page. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her now ex-husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about on TV. "Honey," his wife said, while reading the newspaper, "it looks like our government is going to cut overhead and trim down the military forces. They are going to retire six overaged destroyers." To which the husband replied, "Oh...I'm sorry to hear your mother will be out of work."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to the Folks from Erie for this story: Got my new truck ! I just got my new Chevy pickup, but had to take it back to the dealer because I couldn't figure out how the radio worked. The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated. "Watch this." He said "NELSON." The radio replied "Ricky or Willie?" He said "WILLIE" - - and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers. I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say "BEETHOVEN" I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said "BEATLES" I'd get one of their awesome songs. One day, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new truck but I swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled "AS******S!" The French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Michael Moore, backed up by John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on booze. Darn, I LOVE my truck! ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sock Puppet Craft Turn a lonely sock into a sock puppet. You can use buttons for the eyes and nose or buy googly eyes at a craft store. Make a head of hair for you puppet out of yarn. Craft felt can be used for further embellishments. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ At an international conference, an American, a British and a Russian were discussing the shortcomings of their diagnoses. "I can't stand it some time. We treat people for cancer, and then they die of AIDS." "I know what you mean." said the British. "We treat them for yellow fever, and it turns out they had malaria. Then, of course, they die." "That is not a problem in our country" said the Russian doctor. "When we treat people for a disease, they die of *that* disease."
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL! My all time favorite....Holdman Christmas Lights 2010 - Complete Show
Thanks to Phil for this: "A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always count on the support of Paul." Of course, Paul's support is obvious, but it is equally obvious that to rob from Peter to pay Paul will make Peter very, very angry. My question is this: "How can you run a good government with a sore Peter?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, December 25, in 
0800 Charlemagne was crowned first Holy Roman Emperor in
Rome by Pope Leo III. 

1066 William the Conqueror was crowned king of England. 

1223 St. Francis of Assisi assembled one of the first
Nativity scenes, in Greccio, Italy. 

1776 Gen. George Washington and his troops crossed the
Delaware River for a surprise attack against Hessian forces
at Trenton, NJ. 

1818 "Silent Night" was performed for the first time, at
the Church of St. Nikolaus in Oberndorff, Austria. That
church is now a chapel honoring that event. 

1868 U.S. President Andrew Johnson granted an unconditional
pardon to all persons involved in the Southern rebellion
that resulted in the Civil War. 

1914 During World War I, British and German troops observed
an unofficial truce and even playing football together on
the Western Front. 

1917 The play "Why Marry?" opened at the Astor Theatre in
New York City. "Why Marry?" was the first dramatic play to
win a Pulitzer Prize. 

1926 Hirohito became the emperor of Japan after the death
of his father Emperor Taisho. 

1930 The Mt. Van Hoevenberg bobsled run at Lake Placid, New
York opened to the public. It was the first bobsled track
of international specifications to open in the U.S. 

1937 Arturo Toscanini conducted the first broadcast of
"Symphony of the Air" over NBC radio. 

1939 "A Christmas Carol," by Charles Dickens, was read on
CBS radio for the first time. 

1941 Hong Kong surrendered to the Japanese. 

1962 The Department of Commerce Census Clock in Washington,
DC, recorded the U.S. population on this day as
188,000,000.

1972 The Nicaraguan capital Managua was hit by an
earthquake. Over 10,000 people were killed. 

1979 The USSR invaded Afghanistan in a bid to halt civil
war and protect USSR interests. 

1989 Ousted Romanian President Nicolae Ceausescu and his
wife, Elena, were executed following a popular uprising. 

1989 Dissident playwright Vaclav Havel was elected
president of Czechoslovakia. 

1991 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev went on
television to announce his resignation as leader of a
Communist superpower that had already gone out of
existence. 

1998 Seven days into their journey, Richard Branson, Steve
Fossett and Per Lindstrand of Sweden gave up their attempt
to make the first nonstop round-the-world balloon flight.
They ditched near Hawaii. 

2000 Over 300 people were killed and dozens were injured by
fire at a Christmas party in the Chinese city of Luoyang.
The incident occurred at the Dongdu Disco.

2017  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, December 24

When I went for my walk the wind was getting gusty. There
was still about a foot of powder snow on the trees, looking
quite Christmassy. So I dug out my big Yukon scarf. It is
still in very good shape after all these years.

A block later the street lights down by the High School
dimmed. Oh-Oh! A gust was blowing a snow drift as high as
their lights. I watched it approach and turned my back to
it. A second later I was flat in the snow, making a face
print.

I had expected a push, but not quite THAT much of a push.
Well, it was a good warning. The rest of my walk I was
ready for gusts. 

We have to expect some wicked snow drifts by morning!

Have Fun!
Dearwebby


Todays Bonehead Award:
Killer said he “felt disrespected”
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, December 24 in
1818 Franz Gruber of Oberndorf, near Salzburg, Austria,
composed the music for "Silent Night" to words written by
Josef Mohr. 

Their church organ broke down during practise, so Franz
Gruber, the village teacher, was asked to come up with
something, that he could play on his guitar. He did.

He and his students practised singing "Silent Night" on the
afternoon of the 24th and performed it at Midnight Mass.
It was a hit! Within 10 years it had swept the German
speaking parts of Europe and some translations had been
made.

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards. ---Arthur Koestler (1905 - 1983) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Three small boys were bragging about their fathers. The first boasted that his dad owned a farm. The second said his dad owned a factory. The third boy, a pastor's son, replied, "That's nothin'. My dad owns hell." "No way," another boy scoffed. "How can a man own hell?" "Sure he can," the preacher's son said. "My mom told my grandma that them elders of our church gave it to him last night." _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Bill for this story: Each Friday night I drove my wife to the train station so she could go visit her sister who was ill. Ten minutes later, my sister arrived by train so that she could manage our household over the weekend while my wife was gone. On Sundays this procedure worked in reverse with my sister departing by train ten minutes before my wife arrived. One evening after my sister left and while I awaited my wife's arrival, a porter sauntered over. "Mister," he said, "you are sure some man! But one of these days you are goin' to get caught!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ ____________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Two sisters had been given parts in a play at their church. At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role. Finally the 12-year-old said to her 8-year-old younger sister, "Well, you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel!" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kervin Pierce, 25 Milwaukee, Wisconsin Killer said he “felt disrespected” 25-year-old Kervin Pierce of Milwaukee now faces multiple charges in connection with the fatal shooting of his own mother and beating of his brother. It happened at an Oak Creek apartment complex on Tuesday, December 19th. Pierce faces the following criminal charges: First degree intentional homicide, use of a dangerous weapon Attempted first degree intentional homicide, use of a dangerous weapon Strangulation & suffocation Battery by prisoners According to the criminal complaint, police received a 911 call from a man (later identified as Pierce) who said "there was a female inside of the residence that had been shot to the face and an unconscious male that had been pistol whipped." When officers arrived on the scene, they found Bonita Pierce deceased -- lying on the floor in a bedroom. Pierce's brother was found with injuries to his head and "a large amount of blood on his face." When questioned by police about what happened, Pierce said "he has felt disrespected by both his mother and brother for 2 to 3 months and was very upset about that." On December 19th, Pierce said "he felt intense disrespect today and was overwhelmed" -- and that "his mother was nagging him about little things." The complaint indicates Pierce said he shot his mother because he was "just fed up." The complaint says Pierce "planned to shoot his brother next, however the gun jammed." He said he intended to shoot both his mother and brother and then call the police. Pierce was taken into custody when officers arrived on the scene. On December 20th, while Pierce was at the Milwaukee County Jail, the criminal complaint says a correctional officer noticed Pierce "pacing by the phone banks." The correctional officer completed a phone call from the medical unit and when she put the receiver down, "the defendant grabbed her throat, shook her with both hands, and threw her to the ground while continuing to strangle her." The officer's radio fell from her belt -- and she had no way to call for help. The complaint indicates the attack against the correctional officer lasted about 15 seconds and "ended when three inmates intervened by pulling the defendant off" the officer until security staff arrived. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Gary Re: AutoPlay Dear Webby, I have a question for you that I may have asked before.. I don't remember..but here it is. When I insert a cd into my cd player I have to manually go into wmp..it won't come up automaticly as it once did.. please help....thank you in advance. Gary Dear Gary Enabling AutoPlay on a data and audio CD: Open My Computer or Explorer Highlight the CD-ROM drive, right click the CD-ROM drive and click properties. Click the AutoPlay tab. Within this section you will be able to specify all Windows AutoPlay features. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being cross- examined. The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married?" "Yes, sir, once" said the witness in a low voice. "Whom did you marry?" "Well, a woman." The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman ! Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man ?" The witness replied meekly, "MY mother did."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Full Moon Fever http://www.space.com/fullmoonfever/ ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sock Puppet Craft Turn a lonely sock into a sock puppet. You can use buttons for the eyes and nose or buy googly eyes at a craft store. Make a head of hair for you puppet out of yarn. Craft felt can be used for further embellishments. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ We are now seeing a new, redesigned $20 bill. This is part of an anti-counterfeiting program to redesign all of our old currency, which has become too easy to duplicate with modern color photocopiers- a fact that was made all too clear when Xerox, in its 2017 annual report, reported profits of "$850 Billion, mostly in $20's".
It's almost Christmas! 2017 Nisley Family Light Show
There was a beer party out in the woods and, all of a sudden there was a downpour of rain and thunder. Two young men ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, and finally reached their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other. All of a sudden an old man's face appeared outside the passenger window, and he tapped lightly on the window! The man on the passenger side screamed out, "Ahhhhhhh! Look at my window!!! There's an old guy's face there!" The old man kept knocking, so the driver said, "Well, open the window a little and ask him what he wants!" So, the passenger rolled his window down part way and, scared out of his wits, said, "What do you want?" The old man softly replied, "Do you have any cigarettes?" The passenger, terrified, looked at the driver and said, "He wants a cigarette." "Well, give him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver replies. So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells to the driver, "Step on it!!!", rolling up the window in terror. Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calm down, and they start laughing again, and the passenger says, "What do you think of that?" The driver replies, "I don't know. How could that be? I am going pretty fast." Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock, and there is the old man again. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaah, there he is again!" the passenger yells. "Well, see what he wants now!" yells back the driver. He rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says, "Yes?" "Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks. The driver throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window and yells, "STEP ON IT!" They are now going about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling beer, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden again there is more knocking! "OH MY GOD! HE'S BACK!" The passenger rolls down the window and screams in stark fear, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" The old man replies, "You want some help getting out of the mud?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, December 24, in 
1814 The War of 1812 between the U.S. and Britain was ended
with the signing of the Treaty of Ghent in Belgium. 

1818 Franz Gruber of Oberndorf, Austria, composed the music
for "Silent Night" to words written by Josef Mohr. 

1828 William Burke who, with his partner William Hare, dug
up the dead and murdered to sell the corpses for
dissection, went on trial in Edinburgh. 

1851 A fire devastated the Library of Congress in
Washington, DC, destroying about 35,000 volumes. 

1865 Several veterans of the Confederate Army formed a
private social club in Pulaski, TN, called the Ku Klux
Klan. 

1906 Reginald A. Fessenden became the first person to
broadcast a music program over radio, from Brant Rock, MA. 

1914 In World War I, the first air raid on Britain was made
when a German airplane dropped a bomb on the grounds of a
rectory in Dover. 

1928 The first broadcast of "The Voice of Firestone" was
heard. 

1943 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt appointed Gen.
Dwight D. Eisenhower supreme commander of Allied forces as
part of Operation Overlord. 

1944 The Andrews Sisters starred in the debut of "The
Andrews Sisters’ Eight-To-The-Bar-Ranch" on ABC Radio. 

1944 A German submarine torpedoed the Belgian transport
ship S.S. Leopoldville with 2,235 soldiers aboard. About
800 American soldiers died. The soldiers were crossing the
English Channel to be reinforcements at the battle that
become known as the Battle of the Bulge. 

1948 For the first time ever, a midnight Mass was broadcast
on television. It was held at St. Patrick’s Cathedral in
New York City. 

1948 The first completely solar-heated house became
occupied in Dover, MA. 

1951 Libya achieved independence as the United Kingdom of
Libya, under King Idris. 

1965 A meteorite landed on Leicestershire. It weighed about
100lbs. 

1966 Luna 13 landed on the moon. 

1968 Three astronauts, James A. Lovell, William Anders and
Frank Borman, reached the moon. They orbited the moon 10
times before coming back to Earth. Seven months later man
first landed on the moon. 

1979 Soviet troops invaded Afghanistan in support of the
country's Marxist government. 

1981 In Eastern Kazakh/Semipalatinsk, the Soviet Union
performed a nuclear test. 

1985 Fidel Castro, the Cuban president, announced that he
had become a non-smoker. 

1989 Ousted Panamanian ruler Manuel Noriega took refuge at
the Vatican's diplomatic mission in Panama City. 

1990 Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman were married. 

1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush pardoned former
Defense Secretary Caspar Weinberger and five others in the
Iran-Contra scandal. 

1997 Ilich Ramirez Sanchez, known as "Carlos the Jackal,"
was sentenced by a French court to life in prison for the
1975 murders of two French investigators and a Lebanese
national. 

1998 At Disneyland in Anaheim, CA, a tourist was hit by a
piece of flying metal while waiting to board a ride. The
man's wife and a Disneyland employee were also injured.
Luan Phi Dawson died December 26th from his injuries. 

1999 Ivory Coast President Henri Konan Bédié was overthrown
in a coup. 

1999 An Indian Airlines plane was seized during a flight
from Katmandu, Nepal, to New Delhi. In Afghanistan, the 150
hostages were freed on December 31 after India released
three Kashmir militants from prison. 

2000 36 minutes after the end of a game, both the New
England Patriots and the Miami Dolphins were called back to
the playing field. The teams had to play the final 3
seconds of the game which the Dolphins had won 27-24. The
end result did not change. 

2000 The "Texas 7," seven convicts that had escaped a Texas
prison, robbed a sports store in Irving, TX. The suspects
killed Officer Aubrey Hawkins, stole $70,000, 25 weapons
and clothing. The men had escaped on December 13.

2017  smiled.


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Saving IE bookmarks 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, December 23

Thank you, Don !!

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Often deported Mexican caught with 
$1 Million worth of dope
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, December 22 in
1775 A Continental naval fleet was organized in the
rebellious American colonies under the command of Ezek
Hopkins. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I believe that people would be alive today if there were a death penalty. --- Nancy Reagan ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A bachelor kept a cat for companionship, and loved his cat more than life. He was planning a trip to England and entrusted the cat to his brother's care. As soon as he arrived in England he called his brother. "How is my cat?" he asked. "Your cat is dead," came the reply. "Oh my," he exclaimed. "Did you have to tell me that way?" "How else can I tell you your cat's dead?" inquired the brother. "You should have led me up to it gradually," said the bachelor. "For an example, when I called tonight you could have told me my cat was on the roof, but the Fire Department is getting it down. When I called tomorrow night, you could have told me that they dropped him and broke his back, but a fine surgeon is doing all he can for him. Then, when I called the third night, you could have told me the surgeon did all he could but my cat passed away. That way it wouldn't have been such a shock. "By the way," he continued, "how's Mother?" "Mother?" came the reply. "Oh, she's up on the roof, but the Fire Department is getting her down." _____________________________________________________ One of our patients wasn't taking any chances. Prior to her operation, she taped notes to her body for the surgeon... "Take your time," "Don't cut yourself," "No need to rush," "Wash your hands..." After surgery, as I helped the patient back into her bed, we discovered a new note taped to her, this one from the doctor, "Has anyone seen my wristwatch?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ So much for Algorian Warming! ____________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ I spent 20 minutes explaining life insurance options to one of our employees. After reviewing the different plans and monthly deductions, he decided to max out, choosing $100,000 worth of life insurance. But he had one last question. "Now," he said, "what do I have to do to collect the money?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Miguel Angel Garcia-Jimenez, 45, Landisville, Pennsylvania Often deported Mexican caught with $1 Million worth of dope A Lancaster County Drug Task Force investigation ended in the seizure of 180 pounds of marijuana from a Landisville home with a street value of $1 million, or more, in what officials call one of the largest marijuana seizures in county history, December 21, 2017. photos provided by Lancaster County District Attorney office Miguel Angel Garcia-Jimenez, 45, is charged with felony drug-dealing in the Lancaster County Drug Task Force investigation which resulted in a seizure on December 14. Garcia-Jimenez is a Mexican national who has been deported from the United States multiple times. He is being held on a federal detainer, obtained by ICE. A Lancaster County Drug Task Force investigation ended in the seizure of 180 pounds of marijuana from a Landisville home with a street value of $1 million, or more, in what officials call one of the largest marijuana seizures in county history, December 21, 2017. Since Landisville is not a Sanctuary town, Miguel Angel Garcia-Jimenez might get jail time instead of a free ticket back to Mexico to get more import goods. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Allan Re: How to save bookmarks in IE Dear Webby, You wrote about it before, but I did not save that tip. How do you save the bookmarks in IE ? Thanks Allan Dear Allan I have not had IE on my computer for a dozen years, or more, so I looked this up on old Humor Letters. ALT FINE Hold down the ALT key, hit F I N E and hit Enter a bunch of times. You can even specify the file name that will have the bookmarks in it, for example C:\bookmarks171222.html Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Why did the chicken cross the road? DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems. OPRAH: Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens. GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here. DONALD RUMSFELD: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road. ANDERSON COOPER/CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road. JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am for it now, and will remain against it. JUDGE JUDY: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks. PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American. MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told. ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone. JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's why they call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that! GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough. BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road. JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace. ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2006, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken. The Platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^( C\ ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken? BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken? AL GORE: I invented the chicken! COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one? TRUMP: Many chickens threaten to leave, unfortunately, none of them have the guts to actually leave. ============ I don`t pay attention to the war of Trump vs the communist media, but if you do, maybe you can send me some updates to that collection.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Ever mindful of the congregation, the Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog, and knew that the dog also had to be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted. The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife. "Fetch the Bible,"he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner. "Now find Psalm 23," he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw. The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog. That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were very impressed. One man asked, "Can he do regular dog tricks, too?" "I haven't tried yet" the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at the dog."HEEL!" the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl. The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, "Oh!! NO!! He's Pentecostal!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Doilies to Accent Gift Wrap By HellofromMhay [73 Posts, 27 Comments] I love using paper doilies to accent gifts. It adds an elegant touch and is inexpensive. In this case I attached doilies on a plain pink birthday card and gift bag (for a little friend) with a glue stick. Then I decorated them with glitter alphabet and strawberry stickers. (I bought the paper doilies at Michaels.) Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com You can also use a paper doily as a mask for spray painting. Attach the doily with removable glue stick to a shopping bag, and spray paint it with one or more colors. When the paint is dry, remove the doily and use it on the next bag. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Little Mary was attending a wedding for the first time. As she sat in the church, she watched the bride slowly approach the altar. Mary whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought about this for a moment, then said: "So why is the groom wearing black?"
12 88 Piano Keys Control 500,000 Christmas Lights!
From Ed in Illinois Late one night I stopped at one of those 24-hour gas station mini-marts to get myself a fresh-brewed cup of coffee. When I picked up the pot, I could not help noticing that the brew was as black as asphalt and just about as thick. "How old is the coffee you have here?" I asked the woman who was standing behind the store counter. She shrugged. "I don't know. I've only been working here two weeks." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, December 23, in 
1788 Maryland voted to cede a 100-square-mile area for the
seat of the national government. About two-thirds of the
area became the District of Columbia. 

1823 The poem "A Visit from St. Nicholas" by Clement C.
Moore (" 'Twas the night before Christmas...") was
published. 

1834 English architect Joseph Hansom patented his 'safety
cab', better known as the Hansom cab. 

1852 The Theatre of Celestial John opened on Telegraph Hill
in San Francisco, CA. It was the first Chinese theatre in
the U.S. 

1856 Ralph Collier was issued a U.S. patent for the first
rotary egg beater with rotating parts. 

1880 Thomas Edison incorporated the Edison Electric Light
Company of Europe. 

1888 Following a quarrel with Paul Gauguin, Dutch painter
Vincent Van Gogh cut off part of his own earlobe. 

1893 The Engelbert Humperdinck opera "Hansel und Gretel"
was first performed, in Weimar, Germany. 

1919 The first ship designed to be used as an ambulance for
the transport patients was launched. The hospital ship was
named USS Relief and had 515 beds. 

1922 The British Broadcasting Corporation began daily news
broadcasts. 

1930 Ruth Elizabeth Davis, an unknown actress, arrived in
Hollywood, under contract to Universal Studios. Universal
changed her name to Bette Davis for the movies. 

1941 During World War II, American forces on Wake Island
surrendered to the Japanese. 

1942 Bob Hope agreed to entertain U.S. airmen in Alaska. It
was the first of the traditional Christmas shows. 

1943 "Hansel and Gretel," the opera, was televised on New
York's WRBG. It was the first complete opera to be
televised. 

1947 John Bardeen, Walter H. Brattain and William Shockley
invented the transistor. 

1948 Former Japanese premier Hideki Tojo and six other
Japanese war leaders were executed in Tokyo. They had been
found guilty of crimes against humanity. 

1951 A National Football League (NFL) championship game was
televised nationally for the first time. The Los Angeles
Rams beat the Cleveland Browns 24-17. The DuMont Network
had paid $75,000 for the rights to the game. 

1953 Soviet secret police chief Lavrenti Beria and six of
his associates were shot for treason following a secret
trial. 

1954 The Walt Disney movie "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea"
was released. 

1965 A 70-mph speed limit was introduced in Britain. 

1968 The crew of the U.S. Navy ship, Pueblo, was released
by North Korea. The Captain of the Pueblo, Commander Lloyd
M. Bucher, and 82 of his crew were held for 11 months after
the ship was seized by North Korea because of suspected
spying by the Americans. 

1970 In New York, the topping out ceremony for original One
World Trade Center (North Tower) took place. The South
Tower's ceremony took place on July 19, 1971. 

1981 NASA approved a plan to continue the Voyager II
spacecraft on a trajectory that would take it within 66,000
miles of Uranus on July 24, 1986. 

1986 The experimental airplane Voyager, piloted by Dick
Rutan and Jeana Yeager, completed the first non-stop,
around-the-world flight without refueling as it landed
safely at Edwards Air Force Base in California. 

1987 Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme, serving a life sentence for
the attempted assassination of U.S. President Ford in 1975,
escaped from the Alderson Federal Prison for Women in West
Virginia. She was recaptured two days later. 

1989 Ousted Romanian President Nicolae Ceausescu and his
wife, Elena, were captured as they were attempting to flee
their country. 

1990 Elections in Yugoslavia ended, leaving four of its six
republics with non-Communist governments. 

1995 A fire in Dabwali, India, killed 540 people, including
170 children, during a year-end party being held near the
children's school. 

1995 The bodies of 16 members of the Solar Temple religious
sect were found in a clearing near Grenoble, France. 14
were presumed shot by two people who then committed
suicide. 

1997 Terry Nichols was convicted by a Denver jury on
charges of conspiracy and involuntary manslaughter in the
1995 federal building bombing in Oklahoma City. The bomb
killed 168 people. 

1998 Guerrillas in south Lebanon fired dozens of rockets at
northern Israel.

2017  smiled.


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Slow virus scanning of zip files 





Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, December 22
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Today is the shortest day of the year.
Now the days will get longer again.

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Dopey Veterinarian Shot Neighbor's Barking Dog
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, December 22 in
1775 A Continental naval fleet was organized in the
rebellious American colonies under the command of Ezek
Hopkins. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ There are people who, instead of listening to what is being said to them, are already listening to what they are going to say themselves. --- Albert Guinon (1863 - 1923) Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye. --- Miss Piggy ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ During a jury selection process, the first lawyer began his questioning as an intimidating showman. He looked over the prospective jurors and asked, "Do any of you here today dislike lawyers?" Before the pause became too long, the judge said, "I do." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A married couple, trying to live up to a snobbish life- style went to a party. The conversation turned to Mozart. "Absolutely brilliant, magnificent, a genius!" The woman, wanting to join in the conversation, remarked casually, "Ah, Mozart. You're so right. I love him. Only this morning I saw him getting on the number five bus going to Coney Island." There was a sudden hush, and everyone looked at her. Her husband was mortified. He pulled her away and whispered, "We're leaving right now. Get your coat and let's get our of here." As they drove home, he kept muttering to himself. Finally, his wife turned to him and said, "You're angry about something." "Oh really? You noticed?" he sneered. "I've never been so embarrassed in my life! You saw Mozart take the number five bus to Coney Island? How could you say that? Everyone knows the number five bus doesn't go to Coney Island !" ______________________________________________________ Canyon in Utah ____________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A reporter from New York was visiting an old colleague who now edited a newspaper in a tiny Vermont town. "I don't see how you do it," the NY reporter said. "How can you drum up interest in the news when everybody in town knows what everybody else is doing?" "Sure they know," the editor said, "but they read the paper to see who got caught at it." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kelly Folse, 35, Harahan, Louisiana Dopey Veterinarian Shot Neighbor's Barking Dog Louisiana veterinarian Kelly Folse's prescription for a barking dog next door was a bullet, police say. Folse, 35, was booked on aggravated cruelty to an animal Tuesday, the New Orleans Times-Picayune reports. She also faces charges of drug possession and illegal discharge of a firearm. Police say Folse shot Bruizer, her next-door neighbor's 15-month-old American bulldog, in the head when her neighbor was out on the afternoon of Dec. 13. The family took the wounded animal to the Abadie Veterinary Hospital in Harahan, where Folse works, but it died from its injuries the next day. Folse was not involved in caring for the dog, authorities say. The hospital fired Folse on Tuesday. Police say the neighbor, suspecting Folse had shot her dog, showed them hostile messages from the vet complaining about constant barking. Narcotics were found in the vet's home after police obtained a search warrant. "This is crazy, a veterinarian shooting a dog of her next-door neighbor," Sheriff Joseph Lopinto said Tuesday. "This is nuts. I don't know how else to put it." He added: "This is not supposed to be normal. Someone lost a pet today ... I don't care how much it barks; this is not appropriate behavior," per the Advocate. --------------- I used to have sled dogs when I was in the Yukon, and know they really got annoying at times, especially when I was working night shift and trying to sleep during the day, and they decided that I should get up and shoot a porcupine, that was sauntering around just out of reach of their chains. A dozen sled dogs can make quite a racket, but I never shot one of them. I just put some industrial quality yellow ear plugs into my ears, and continued my sleep. Not a big deal. I hope that dingbat gets thrown in the slammer for a few years! _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sunny Re: Slow virus scanning Dear Webby, When I do a virus scan and it gets to big zip files, everything slows down and it takes a long time to get past those zip files. Is there a way to speed that up? Thanks Sunny Move those zip files an old camera chip or onto CDs or DVDs, and delete them off your computer. You are obviously not actively using them, just storing them, so you might as well store them elsewhere. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Ted Nugent on Deer Hunting While on a European tour, Ted was being interviewed by a French journalist. The journalist asked, "What do you think the last thought is in the head of a deer before you shoot it? Is it, `Are you my friend?`or is it `Are you the one who killed my brother?'" Nugent replied, "They aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, 'What am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the French."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Johnny for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Johnny answered, "A lawyer!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Laundry Detergent You can save money on household cleaners like laundry detergent by only using what you need. For example, if you are washing clothing that is not very soiled, you can usually get by using half as much laundry detergent as the manufacturer recommends. Manufacturer recommendations are overkill because they want their product to be effective regardless of how soiled the clothing is. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Bob phones home from his office and says to his wife, "I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I have to leave right away. Pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up." Bob rushes home to grab everything. He hugs his wife, apologizes for the short notice, and then hurries off. A week later, Bob returns and his wife asks, "Did you have a good trip, dear?" Bob replies, "Yep, the fishing was great...but you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas." His wife smiles and says, "Oh, no I didn't forget them. I put them in your tackle box."
12 Nature Photos That Are Guaranteed To Give People Nightmares
When Jill decided to improve her computer skills, she threw herself into it with enthusiasm. Every week she'd check out two or three instructional books from the library. After about a month the librarian commented, "Wow! You must really be getting knowledgeable at this stuff." "Thanks," Jill said. "What makes you say that?" The librarian answered, "Only one of the books you're checking out this week has 'For Dummies' in the title." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, December 22, in 
1715 James Stuart, the "Old Pretender", landed at
Petershead after his exile in France. 

1775 A Continental naval fleet was organized in the
rebellious American colonies under the command of Ezek
Hopkins. 

1807 The U.S. Congress passed the Embargo Act, designed to
force peace between Britain and France by cutting off all
trade with Europe. 

1864 During the American Civil War, Union Gen. William T.
Sherman sent a message to U.S. President Lincoln from
Georgia. The message read, "I beg to present you as a
Christmas gift the city of Savannah." 

1895 German physicist Wilhelm Röntgen made the first X-ray,
of his wife's hand. 

1939 Gloria Jacobs became the first girl to hold a world
pistol record when she shot 299 out of a possible 300
points. She was 17 years old at the time. 

1943 Sporting goods manufacturers received permission to
use synthetic rubber for the core of baseballs. 

1941 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill arrived in
Washington for a wartime conference with U.S. President
Franklin Roosevelt. 

1956 Colo, the first gorilla to be born in captivity, was
born at the Columbus, Ohio zoo. 

1956 The last British and French forces evacuated Egypt. 

1961 James Davis became the first U.S. soldier to die in
Vietnam, while U.S. involvement was still limited to the
provision of military advisers. 

1984 New York City resident Bernhard Goetz shot four black
youths on a Manhattan subway. Goetz claimed they were about
to rob him. 

1989 Romania's hard-line Communist ruler, Nicolae
Ceausescu, was overthrown in a popular uprising. 

1990 Lech Walesa was sworn in as Poland's first popularly
elected president. 

1991 The body of Lt. Col. William R. Higgins, an American
hostage murdered by his captors, was found along a highway
in Lebanon. 

1996 A car bomb exploded in Belfast, injuring a known IRA
supporter. Police suspected that Protestant loyalists were
responsible for the attack. 

1998 A unit of RJR Nabsico pled guilty to attempting to
smuggle cigarettes into Canada. 

2001 Thirty Afghans, including two women, were sworn in as
part of the new interim government in Afghanistan. Hamid
Karzai was the head of the post-Taliban government.

2017  smiled.


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Are Ad blockers OK? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, December 21

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Chicago Day Care Workers Arrested 
After Mom Demands Video
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, December 21 in
1620 The "Mayflower", and its passengers, pilgrims from
England, landed at Plymouth Rock, MA. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument. --- William G. McAdoo (1863 - 1941) Words ought to be a little wild for they are the assaults of thought on the unthinking. --- John Maynard Keynes (1883 - 1946) Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair. --- George Burns ---------------- And the brainwashed Hillarites at CNN, who have never worked an honest day in their lives. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A Classic for the start: The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day the Japanese won by a mile. The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommend corrective action. The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering. After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the American team's management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers, and a new performance review system for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive. The next year, the Japanese won by two miles! Humiliated, the American corporation laid off the rower for poor performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering the problem. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ My sister-in-law was married to a surgeon who was a member of operating teams at both St. Francis Hospital and Christ Hospital in the Chicago area. He would operate in the morning, then field calls about his patients in the evening. Once when I was visiting his home, he was on the phone talking to a resident at Christ Hospital when the other phone rang. My sister-in-law answered, then whispered to her husband, "It's St.Francis calling." He whispered back, "Tell St. Francis I'll have to call back. I'm talking to Christ." ______________________________________________________ ____________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Barbie, a waitress, decided to put her matchmaking skills to the test with our mutual friend Mike. She figured that Sandy, another friend who seemed to have much in common with Mike, would be an ideal date. One day Mike came into the restaurant when Sandy was also there. Barbie dragged Mike over to Sandy's table and introduced the two. Then she watched as Mike put his arm around the young woman and said in his best mock-seductive voice, "Helloooou, Sandy," whereupon Sandy broke up in roaring laughter. "You guys know each other?" Barbie asked. "We sure do," said Mike. "She's my sister." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lizandra Cosme, 32, Susana Gonzalez, 27, Chicago, Illinois Day Care Workers Arrested After Mom Demands Video Toddlers were burned with hot glue gun Two workers at a Chicago day care were fired and arrested after a disturbing incident that left five toddlers injured. Police say surveillance video captured one of the workers burning the 2-year-olds with a hot glue gun while the other woman watched and laughed, People reports. Lizandra Cosme, 32, has been charged with five counts of aggravated battery of a child causing great bodily harm, the Chicago Sun-Times reports. Susana Gonzalez, 27, faces five misdemeanor charges of causing the circumstances of child endangerment over the Dec. 1 incident at the Children's Place day care. It's not clear how seriously the children were injured. Prosecutors say Cosme, who brought the glue gun for a Christmas project, was captured on video applying the hot glue directly to the hands and arms of the three girls and two boys. "Each of the child victims winced and some whined at the hot glue gun application," a prosecutor said during a Monday court appearance. Prosecutors said Cosme tried to cover up the incident, asking a father whether his child had been burned at home, ABC7 reports. They said her actions were discovered when one child's mother, an ER physician, saw the burns and demanded to see surveillance footage. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: Ad Blocker Dear Webby, I use Firefox as my browser and I've got a 7 day free trial for Ad Remover. Please provide your candid (as always) opinion on the following. Is it worth a year subscription? Don't want to waste $$. Frank Dear Frank Waste of money. #1 The sites you go to are not funded by Santa or the Easter Bunny. They are scraping by on what little they get from ads. Sure, some ADS are funded by rich companies like Energizer, but the site, that shows their ad, is lucky to get $7 a month from them. And $3 from Verizon ads. And so on. Don't confuse the rich advertisers with the poor schmucks who host their ads. If you go to http://webby.com/humor/ you will see an ad, an ad from some rich company. Google decides what ad to show to you. It is usually an ad somehow related to something, that you recently searched for. Last month I got $7.34 from Google It helped. And you want to cut off that token income for all the sites you visit? Morally, it is much better to just ignore the ads, or if you really like the horrorscope or dating site, that you visited, pound the ads on their site. I do, even though I don't go to horrorscope or dating sites, but if I appreciate the content, that somebody scraped together for me, then I pound the ads on top. OK, enough of THAT rant. #2 Because all the sites have to pay for their web hosting expenses, especially if they don't get cheap hosting from me, if everybody blocks their ads, they have to stop and go shovel snow instead. Like poor Ophelia. Some sites will have a niece or nephew studying informatics, and will get them to fix them a redirect. When their page detects an ad blocker, it redirects your browser to a child porno site and registers you there for automatic pop-ups whenever they add new pictures. Those redirects have been around for some time. Nothing new. Many sites feel justified in retaliating against ad blocker users, even though they now call them Ad Removers and Ad Controllers. So I would strongly advise against using ad blockers, and especially against paying for them. Just ignore the ads, or if the site deserves a penny, pound the ad on them. Unfortunately, a lot of the ads nowadays pay only if you actually buy something there, but some, like the battery ads, are still a penny per click. So, please be kind to us poor schmucks, and avoid getting redirected to naughty sites. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. An effusive client brought a litter of golden-retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. She loved them so much, she couldn't keep from remarking about their cute habits. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished. After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I never realized they had to be baptized."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Tracy goes to get her haircut. The stylist cuts for about 30 minutes, then hands the girl a mirror and asks, "How do you like it?" Tracy looks at the cut carefully, evaluating it from every angle. Finally, she says, "It's okay, but could you make it just a little longer in the back?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Displaying Stray Socks We installed a cork board in the laundry room to put stray socks on. Each time I fold socks I take the strays and pin them up to the board. Next time I have strays, I check the board which usually has the match I am looking for. It makes the stray socks easy to see when I need to find a match. By Amy Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where in tarnation have you been all night?" she demands. "At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works - heck, even the urinal's gold!" The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband's story. "Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone. "Yes it is," bartender answers. "Do you have huge golden doors?" "Sure do." "Do you have golden floors?" "Most certainly do." "What about golden urinals?" There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed into your tuba last night!"
What a great way to slow down drivers.
A Woman's Poem He didn't like the casserole, And he didn't like my cake. He said my biscuits were too hard... Not like his mother used to make. I didn't perk the coffee right, He didn't like the stew. I didn't mend his sock, The way his mother used to do. I pondered for an answer, I was looking for a clue. Then I turned around and smacked him Like his MOMMA used to do. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, December 21, in 
1620 The "Mayflower", and its passengers, pilgrims from
England, landed at Plymouth Rock, MA. 

1849 The first ice-skating club in America was formed in
Philadelphia, PA. 

1879 Ibsen's "A Doll's House" was first performed in
Copenhagen, Denmark, with a revised happy ending. 

1898 Scientists Pierre and Marie Curie discovered the
radioactive element radium. 

1913 Arthur Wynne published a new "word-cross" puzzle in
the "New York World" in England. The name was later changed
to "crossword." 

1914 Marie Dressler, Charlie Chaplin, Mabel Normand and
Mack Swain appeared in the first six-reel, feature-length
comedy. The film was entitled "Tillie’s Punctured Romance".

1925 Eisenstein's film "Battleship Potemkin" was first
shown in Moscow. 

1937 Walt Disney debuted the first, full-length, animated
feature in Hollywood, CA. The movie was "Snow White and the
Seven Dwarfs." 

1944 Horse racing was banned in the United States until
after the end of World War II. 

1945 U.S. Gen. George S. Patton died in Heidelberg,
Germany, of injuries from a car accident. 

1948 The state of Eire (formerly the Irish Free State)
declared its independence. 

1958 Charles de Gaulle was elected to a seven-year term as
the first president of the Fifth Republic of France. 

1968 Apollo 8 was launched on a mission to orbit the moon.
The craft landed safely in the Pacific Ocean on December
27. 

1971 The U.N. Security Council chose Kurt Waldheim to
succeed U Thant as secretary-general. 

1978 Police in Des Plaines, IL, arrested John W. Gacy Jr.
and began unearthing the remains of 33 men and boys that
Gacy was later convicted of killing. 

1988 270 people were killed when Pan Am Boeing 747 exploded
over Lockerbie, Scotland, due to a terrorist attack. 

1990 In a German television interview, Saddam Hussein
declared that he would not withdraw from Kuwait by the UN
deadline. 

1991 Eleven of the 12 former Soviet republics proclaimed
the birth of the Commonwealth of Independent States. 

1995 The city of Bethlehem passed from Israeli to
Palestinian control. 

1996 After two years of denials, U.S. House Speaker Newt
Gingrich admitted violating House ethics rules. 

1998 A Chinese court sentenced two dissidents to long
prison terms for attempting to organize an opposition
party. A third man was sentenced to 12 years in prison on
December 22, 1998. 

1998 The first vaccine for Lyme disease was approved. 

2001 The Islamic militant group Hamas released a statement
that said it was temporarily suspending suicide bombings
and mortar attacks in Israel. 

2002 Larry Mayes was released after spending 21 years in
prison for a rape that maintained that he never committed.
He was the 100th person in the U.S. to be released after
DNA tests were performed. 

2017  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, December 20

Tonight, while  walking, it was light out!
Just light pollution reflecting from fog and light snowing.

After years of bitching they finally converted the high
wattage street lights, that wasted 3/4 of the light shining
sideways and up, with low wattage lights with at least
partial reflectors, but enough light pollution still made
the sky light enough, that you could read headlines on
papers and brand names on tossed away kid`s lunches.

However, light snow was gently falling and burying all the
garbage. 

The Christmas lighting revealed their owner`s frugality.
The old fashioned incandescent lights melted the snow off
them and they shone brightly. The more modern LED lights
had snow on them and looked twice as nice shining through
the snow. And used 1/20 the amount of electricity.

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Husband caught school teacher 
in bed with 15 year old student
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, December 20 in
1803 The United States Senate ratified a treaty that
included the sale of Louisiana Territories from France for
$15 million. The transfer was completed with formal
ceremonies in New Orleans. 

1820 The state of Missouri enacted legislation to tax
bachelors between the ages of 21-50 for being unmarried.
The tax was $1 a year. 

1990 The world's first website and server go live at CERN.
The first website was
http://info.cern.ch/hypertext/WWW/TheProject.html. It still
works!

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ No matter what side of the argument you are on, you always find people on your side that you wish were on the other. --- Jascha Heifetz (1901 - 1987) Abstract art is a product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered. --- Al Capp (1909 - 1979) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Woman phones up her husband at work for a chat. HIM "I'm sorry dear but I'm up to my neck in work today." HER "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear." HIM "OK darling, but as I've got no time now, just give me the good news." HER "Well, the air bag worked." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ An orchestra is playing Beethoven's 9th Symphony. There is a passage in the middle when, for about 20 minutes, the bass violinists have nothing to do. So they decide to slip out to a bar and drink a few beers. After a while one says, "Hey, we better get going." But another says, "No, wait. I tied several pages of the conductor's sheet music together, so we'll have a couple of extra minutes while he sorts it out." So they stay for another round. Finally when they go staggering back to their places. It was the bottom of the ninth, the score was tied, and the bassists were loaded. ______________________________________________________ Body Language! ____________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens." Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it. Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand. Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks." Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it. Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy says "It's a pussy willow." Old man says "Wait up.... I'll get my hat...." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Andrea Nicole Barber, 29, Cottage Grove, Oregon Husband caught school teacher in bed with 15 year old student A now former Christian school teacher faces charges after her husband reportedly busted her having an affair with a 15-year-old student. Andrea Nicole Barber, 29, was arrested Friday at her home in Cottage Grove, Oregon, just days after her spouse allegedly walked in on her and the student in bed, The News-Review reported. He must have heard their noise and had a camera. Soon after they were caught, the teen’s father received an anonymous email asking whether he knew his son and the Logan Christian Academy teacher were in a sexual relationship, authorities said. In the Dec. 12 message, photos were attached of the boy in bed with the English teacher. The anonymous email was reported to authorities who determined that Barber allegedly had sex “on a regular basis” with the student, according to The Register-Guard. Deputies said that Baber began a relationship in 2016 with the teen and often provided him with alcohol and pot. She was booked Friday at Douglas County Jail on charges including sodomy, rape and contributing to the sexual delinquency of a minor. Authorities said that Baber was no longer employed at Logan Christian Academy, but her staff biography remained Monday on the school website. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Steve Re: Folder options Dear Webby, I really enjoy your humor page. I make sure I read it every day. I have a question about folders. Some folders seem to just stay organized in the way things are added to them, but others alphabetize themselves. I have tried making a folder with songs that I want to burn to a CD, but am still trying to work out the order. Unfortunately, every time I close the folder, it alphabetizes itself. I've tried unchecking the "Auto Arrange", but that doesn't work. Steve Dear Steve At the top you see the column headings. If you click on DATE or MODIFIED, then they get ordered by date. If you click on NAME, then it sorts them by name, If you rename your files with a number at the front, then NAME will have them sorted by those numbers. Some versions of Windows will sort numbers literally, and show the files like this: 1,10,11,12,...19,2,20,21,... I know, it is rather goofy, but you can get used to it. You can, of course use letter prefixes like aa_music.mp4, ab_musicale.mp4, etc. Think about which method you want to use for the rest of your life, and then stick to that. You'll get used to it. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Harry was describing a 30 pound bass he'd caught recently after fighting it for three hours. Bill interrupted the story saying, "I saw the picture you took of that fish. You're lucky if it even weighed 10 pounds." Harry replied, "Well . . . a fish can lose an awful lot of weight during three hours of fighting."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Tired of having to stare at the luscious young kitten on the other side of the chain link fence, bold Tommy Tomcat decided to visit her one day. Settling back on his haunches, he gave a mighty leap and landed on the other side; impressed, the lovely cat sauntered over. "That was quite a leap," she remarked. "Want to go somewhere and cuddle?" "Afraid not," said Tommy, a pained expressions on his face. "The fence was higher than I thought." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pasta Christmas Ornaments By attosa [483 Posts, 2,616 Comments] I am in love with making these ornaments out of dry pasta. Some of my favourite pasta shapes to create with are penne and rotelle, but any variety can be used. Go ahead and experiment! Pasta Christmas Ornaments - ornaments against a wood backgroundI am in love with making these ornaments out of dry pasta. Some of my favourite pasta shapes to create with are penne and rotelle, but any variety can be used. Go ahead and experiment! Total Time: 90 minutes Yield: 3 ornaments Supplies: dry penne and rotelle pasta hot glue gun with glue paints paintbrush glitter string Total Time: 90 minutes Yield: 3 ornaments Supplies: dry penne and rotelle pasta hot glue gun with glue paints paintbrush glitter string Steps: To make the large snowflake ornament, glue 2 pieces of penne pasta together so it makes a downward pointing arrow shape. glue 2 pieces of penne pasta Continue to make more so you have four arrows in total. Only the backsides should have glue all over them. make 4 Take some rotelle pasta and glue them together in the shape of a cross. Now glue the penne arrows in the spaces between the rotelle. To make the small snowflake ornament, evenly glue 6 pieces of rotelle around 1 in the center. Glue 6 more pieces of rotelle evenly around the outside. To make the Christmas tree ornament, glue together 6 rows of rotelle with the top row having 1 rotelle, the bottom having 6 rotelle. Glue one under the last line as the tree trunk. To make the Christmas tree's ornaments, gently press on your hot glue gun to make tiny little balls of glue. Gently pick up all the ornaments to see if there are any areas that need more glue. Remember that only the backsides should have the hot glue on them; keep the front areas clean. If you're using paint with a brush, use the side of the brush to dab downwards on the pasta. Paint the tiny balls of glue and attach them to the tree as ornaments. If you're using spray paint, lay down some newspaper outside and spray from angles to get inside the the holes. Sprinkle on some glitter when the paint is almost dry. When fully dry, attach strings to the tops of the ornaments. Hang in your tree and enjoy! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com You can get dozens of different shapes of pasta at the Bulk Barn quite cheaply. Make a kid safe glue from flour and water, and let the kids go nuts with gluing ornaments together. They can, of course, also add shells and anything interesting. The best fisnish for pasta ornaments is spray or dip in chrome, silver color or bright zink paint, then when that is good and dry, a light coat of Candy Apple spray paint. Candy Apple can be faked by mixing clear acrylic varnish with a bit of wine red acrylyc paint. That makes the project washable. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ While down south on a visit, the young Yankee made a date with a local lovely. When he called for her, she was clad in a low-cut, tight-fitting, short dress. He remarked, "That's certainly a beautiful dress." "Sho 'nough?" she asked sweetly. "Yes, it does," he replied.
The 2017 Nat Geo Nature Photographer of the Year Winners are Here and Amazing!
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, December 20, in 
1606 The "Susan Constant," "Godspeed" and "Discovery" set
sail from London. Their landing at Jamestown, VA, was the
start of the first permanent English settlement in America.


1699 Peter the Great ordered that the Russian New Year be
changed from September 1 to January 1. 

1790 The first successful cotton mill in the United States
began operating at Pawtucket, RI. 

1803 The United States Senate ratified a treaty that
included the sale of Louisiana Territories from France for
$15 million. The transfer was completed with formal
ceremonies in New Orleans. 

1820 The state of Missouri enacted legislation to tax
bachelors between the ages of 21-50 for being unmarried.
The tax was $1 a year. 

1860 South Carolina became the first state to secede from
the American Union. 

1864 Confederate forces evacuated Savannah, GA as Union
Gen. William T. Sherman continued his "March to the Sea." 

1879 Thomas A. Edison privately demonstrated his
incandescent light at Menlo Park, NJ. 

1880 New York's Broadway became known as the "Great White
Way" when it was lighted by electricity. 

1892 Alexander T. Brown and George Stillman patented the
pneumatic tire. 

1928 Mail delivery by dog sled began in Lewiston, ME. 

1933 The film "Flying Down to Rio" was first shown in New
York. 

1938 Vladimir Kosma Zworykin patented the iconoscope
television system. 

1946 In Indochina (Vietnam), full-scale guerrilla warfare
between Vietnam partisans and French troops began. 

1954 Buick Motor Company signed Jackie Gleason to one of
the largest contracts ever entered into with an
entertainer. Gleason agreed to produce 78 half-hour shows
over a two-year period for $6,142,500. 

1963 The Berlin Wall was opened for the first time to West
Berliners. It was only for the holiday season. It closed
again on January 6, 1964. 

1973 The Spanish premier Carrero Blanco was assassinated in
Madrid. 

1987 More than 3,000 people were killed when the Dona Paz,
a Philippine passenger ship, collided with the tanker
Vector off Mindoro island, setting off a double explosion. 

1989 General Noriega, Panama's former dictator, was
overthrown by a United States invasion force invited by the
new civilian government. The project was known as Operation
Just Cause. 

1990 The world's first website and server go live at CERN.
The first website was
http://info.cern.ch/hypertext/WWW/TheProject.html. It still
works!

1991 Ante Markovic resigned as federal Prime Minister of
Yugoslavia. 

1994 Marcelino Corniel, a homeless man, was shot and
mortally wounded by White House security officers. He had
brandished a knife near the executive mansion. 

1995 An American Airlines Boeing 757 en route to Cali,
Colombia, crashed into a mountain, killing all but four of
the 163 people aboard. 

1996 Doctors reported that a Cypriot woman who had taken
fertility drugs was carrying about 11 embryos. 

1998 In Houston, TX, a 27-year-old woman gave birth to the
only known living set of octuplets. 

1999 The Vermont Supreme Court ruled that homosexual
couples were entitled to the same benefits and protections
as wedded couples of the opposite sex. 

1999 Sovereignty over the colony of Macao was transferred
from Portugal to China. 

2001 The U.S. Congress passed a $20 billion package to
finance the war against terrorism taking place in
Afghanistan. 

2001 Argentina's President Fernando De la Rua resigned
after two years in power. 

2001 The first British peacekeepers arrived in Afghanistan
to help the nation heal after decades of war.

2017  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, December 19

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
"Criminal Santa" gets stuck in chimney during 
burglary attempt. Has to call 911.
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, December 19 in
1972 Apollo 17 splashed down in the Pacific, ending the
Apollo program of manned lunar landings. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ To be pleased with one's limits is a wretched state. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Where all think alike, no one thinks very much. --- Walter Lippmann ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a general practice (GP) physician, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist. A bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated. "I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I will have to get a second opinion." And of course by that time, the bird was long gone. Another bird appeared in the sky thereafter. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. "I'll have to do some more investigations," he muttered, as the creature made good its escape. Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey's identity. "Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma. Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon's weapon pointed skywards. BOOM!! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him. "Go see if that was a duck, will you?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A lady had just finished taking a CPR course, and was on the lookout for a chance to try it out. As she left the shopping center, she saw a man lying on the floor with a lot of people around him. Screaming, "I know CPR!", she ran to the person, threw her bag down, loosened all tight clothing and got ready to start mouth-to-mouth. At this stage, a huge policeman tapped her on the shoulder and asked, "Do you mind, ma'am? I'm trying to arrest this man for groping a woman!" ______________________________________________________ Borzicactus-roseiflorus ____________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention, so he asked one of his employees to write him a punchy, 20-minute speech. When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious. "What's the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?" he demanded to know. "Half the audience walked out before I finished." The employee was baffled. "I wrote you a 20-minute speech," he replied. "I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for." _____________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jesse Berube, 32, Citrus Heights, California "Criminal Santa" gets stuck in chimney during burglary attempt. Has to call 911. Authorities say a Northern California man tried to burglarize a business by entering through the chimney only to become stuck. Police in the Sacramento-area city of Citrus Heights said Friday that 32-year-old Jesse Berube was uninjured but now faces one count of burglary. According to police, Berube slid down the chimney of the business Wednesday and then found himself lodged inside. The Rocklin man was able to reach his cellphone and dial 911 for help. The Sacramento Fire Department responded and used special equipment to extricate him. Police called Berube a "criminal Santa" who "does not have the same skills as the real deal." _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jerry Re: Supersensitive mouse Dear Webby, I replaced my original mouse that came with my Gateway a thousand years ago. The new one is a Logitech Optical Mouse and if I even look at it crossways, I get popup menus all over the place. Needless to say, this is extremely annoying. Do I have to live with it or do you have another miracle solution? Jerry Dear Jerry Run the install CD that came with that mouse, or download the driver from Logitech. That will give you a desktop icon to it's settings menu. There you can tweak all the settings to suit you. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. An applicant was being interviewed for admission to a pro- minent medical school. "Tell me," inquired the interviewer, "where do you expect to be five years from now?" "Well, let's see," replied the student. "It's Wednesday afternoon. I guess I'll be on the golf course by now."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I gaze at the brilliant moon. The same one, I think to myself, at which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell Plato that I live in the country that has come closest to Utopia and I show him a copy of the Constitution. I tell Aristotle that we have found many more than four basic elements and I show him a periodic table. Then I get a box of kitchen matches and strike one. They gasp with wonder. We spend the rest of the night lighting farts. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organizing Socks for the Family Instead of using those plastic over-the-door shoe organizers for shoes, I use mine to organize our socks! After taking the socks out of the dryer, I just roll them up and place a pair in each pocket of the shoe organizer (I do this with pantyhose and knee-highs too). No scrambling to match socks on a busy morning! By Lisa Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ On the border of Kentucky and Tennessee there's a small forest. Half of the forest belongs to a Kentucky farmer, while the other half belongs to a Tennessee man. One day, while out for a walk in the woods, the Tennessee man comes across a wolf caught in a trap. He rushes back to his house and calls his Kentucky neighbor. "There's one of your wolves caught in a trap on my side of the forest." "How do you know it's one of *our* wolves?" the Kentucky farmer asked. "Well," the Tennessee man replied, "he's already chewed off three of his legs and he's still trapped." ------------- If you are in Kentucky, reverse Kentucky and Tennessee.
It's Christmas where you are. Merry Christmas to our troops.
Anyone who's ever ridden in a cab in Washington DC knows they're some of the world's most brazen drivers. Oddly enough though, their current accident rate isn't all that bad. I asked one of the drivers one day the reason for that. "Easy," he said. "all the really bad drivers are dead now." ___________________________________________________ December Dec. 01. Apple Day Dec. 01. Day Without) Art Dec. 01. Pie Day Dec. 01. World AIDS Day Dec. 01. National Day in Central African Republic Dec. 01. Independence Day in Portugal Dec. 01. National Day in Romania Dec. 02. Abolition of Slavery Day Dec. 02. National Day in Laos Dec. 02. National Holiday in United Arab Emirates Dec. 03. Disabled Persons Awareness Day Dec. 04. Cookie Day Dec. 04. Santa's List Day Dec. 05. Play Hooky Day Dec. 05. Bathtub Fun Day Dec. 05. Discovery Day in Haiti Dec. 05. National Day in Thailand Dec. 06. Pawnbrokers Day Dec. 06. Saint Nicholas Day Dec. 06. Independence of Quito Day in Ecuador Dec. 06. Independence Day in Finland Dec. 06. Constitution Day in Spain Dec. 07. Civil Aviation Day Dec. 07. Cotton Candy Day Dec. 07. Letter-Writing Day Dec. 07. Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day Dec. 07. Teacher Appreciation Day Dec. 08. Brownie Day Dec. 08. Lady of Camarin Day in Guam Dec. 08. Feast of the Immaculate Conception in Nicaragua Dec. 08. Constitution Day in Uzbekistan Dec. 09. Homemade Gift Day Dec. 09. Independence Day in Tanzania Dec. 10. Thai Constitution Day in Thailand Dec. 11. National Day in Burkina Faso Dec. 12. Poinsettia Day Dec. 12. Independence Day in Kenya Dec. 12. Guadalupe Day in Mexico Dec. 12. Constitution Day in Russia Dec. 12. Neutrality Day in Turkmenistan Dec. 13. Cocoa Day Dec. 13. Shareware Day Dec. 13. Republic Day in Malta Dec. 13. Santa Lucia Day in Sweden Dec. 14. Email Tag Day Dec. 15. Bill of Rights Day Dec. 15. Kingdom Day in Curacao Dec. 15. Navidades in Puerto Rico Dec. 16. Stupid Toy Day Dec. 16. Independence Day in Bahrain Dec. 16. Victory Day in Bangladesh Dec. 16. Posadas in Mexico Dec. 16. Christmas Observance in Philippines Dec. 16. Reconciliation Day in South Africa Dec. 17. Wright Brothers Day Dec. 18. Bake Cookies Day Dec. 18. Wear A Plunger On Your Head Day Dec. 18. Republic Day in Niger Dec. 19. Oatmeal Muffin Day Dec. 19. Underdog Day Dec. 20. Go Caroling Day Dec. 21. Don't Be A Scrooge Day Dec. 21. Flashlight Day Dec. 21. Forefathers' Day Dec. 21. Winter Solstice Dec. 21. World Peace Day Dec. 21. Yalda Dec. 22. Yule Dec. 23. Emperor's Birthday in Japan Dec. 24. Christmas Eve Dec. 24. Last-Minute Shopper's Day Dec. 24. Independence Day in Libya Dec. 25. Christmas Dec. 25. Pumpkin Pie Day Dec. 25. Birthday of Quaid-I-Azam in Pakistan Dec. 25. Constitution Day in Taiwan Dec. 26. Boxing Day Dec. 26. Kwanzaa Begins Dec. 26. Whiner's Day Dec. 26. Junkanoo in Bahamas Dec. 26. Boxing Day in Canada Dec. 26. Day of the Wren in Ireland Dec. 26. Independence Day in Slovenia Dec. 26. Goodwill Day in South Africa Dec. 26. Boxing Day in United Kingdom Dec. 28. Card Playing Day Dec. 28. Chocolate Day Dec. 28. Holy Innocents Day (Childermas) Dec. 28. Proclamation Day in Australia Dec. 30. Rizal in Philippines Dec. 31. Make Up Your Mind Day Dec. 31. New Year's Eve Dec. 31. New Year's Resolutions Dec. 31. Samoan Fire Dance in Western Samoa ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, December 19, in 
1154 Henry II became King of England. 

1562 The Battle of Dreux was fought between the Huguenots
and the Catholics, beginning the French Wars of Religion. 

1732 Benjamin Franklin began publishing "Poor Richard's
Almanac." 

1776 Thomas Paine published his first "American Crisis"
essay. 

1777 General George Washington led his army of about 11,000
men to Valley Forge, PA, to camp for the winter. 

1842 Hawaii's independence was recognized by the U.S. 

1843 Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" was first
published in England. 

1871 Corrugated paper was patented by Albert L. Jones. 

1887 Jake Kilrain and Jim Smith fought in a bare knuckles
fight which lasted 106 rounds and 2 hours and 30 minutes.
The fight was ruled a draw and was halted due to darkness. 

1903 The Williamsburg Bridge opened in New York City. It
opened as the largest suspension bridge on Earth and
remained the largest until 1924. It was also the first
major suspension bridge to use steel towers to support the
main cable. 

1907 A coalmine explosion in Jacobs Creek, PA, killed 239
workers. 

1917 The first games of the new National Hockey League
(NHL) were played. Five teams made up the league: Toronto
Arenas, Ottawa Senators, Quebec Bulldogs, the Montreal
Canadiens and the Montreal Wanderers. 

1918 Robert Ripley began his "Believe It or Not" column in
"The New York Globe". 

1932 The British Broadcasting Corp. began transmitting
overseas with its "Empire Service" to Australia. 

1957 Meredith Wilson’s "The Music Man" opened at the
Majestic Theatre in New York City. It ran for 1,375 shows. 

1957 Air service between London and Moscow was inaugurated.


1959 Walter Williams died in Houston, TX, at the age of
117. He was said to be the last surviving veteran of the
U.S. Civil War. 

1961 "Judgment At Nuremberg" opened in New York City. 

1972 Apollo 17 splashed down in the Pacific, ending the
Apollo program of manned lunar landings. 

1973 Johnny Carson started a fake toilet-paper scare on the
"Tonight Show." 

1979 ESPN televised its first NHL game. The teams were the
Washington Capitals and the Hartford Whalers. 

1984 Wayne Gretzky, 23, of the Edmonton Oilers, became only
the 18th player in the National Hockey League (NHL) to
score more than 1,000 points. 

1984 Britain and China signed an accord returning Hong Kong
to Chinese sovereignty on July 1, 1997. 

1986 The Soviet Union announced it had freed dissident
Andrei Sakharov from internal exile, and pardoned his wife,
Yelena Bonner. 

1989 U.S. troops invaded Panama to overthrow the regime of
General Noriega. 

1996 The school board of Oakland, CA, voted to recognize
Black English, also known as "ebonics." The board later
reversed its stance. 

1997 "Titanic" opened in American movie theaters. 

1998 U.S. President Bill Clinton was impeached on two
charges of perjury and obstruction of justice by the U.S.
House of Representatives. 

1998 A four-day bombing of Iraq by British and American
forces ended. 

2000 The U.N. Security Council voted to impose sanctions on
Afghanistan's Taliban rulers unless they closed all
terrorist training camps and surrender U.S. embassy bombing
suspect Osama bin Laden. 

2008 U.S. President George W. Bush signed a $17.4 billion
rescue package of loans for ailing auto makers General
Motors and Chrysler.

2017  smiled.


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