Leftover business cards 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, March 28

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Ohio Mom April Corcoran, who 
traded 11 year old daughter for heroin
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1797 Nathaniel Briggs patented a washing machine.  
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) ______________________________________________________ A kid comes home from college. His father is a farmer, and he's shoveling all the manure out of the outhouse onto the strawberries to fertilize them. The kid says, "Hey, Pop, learned in college there's an easy way to do everything." They go downtown and get some dynamite, they're gonna rig it up under the outhouse and blow the solids into the strawberry patch. They get it all rigged up, but they don't see Grandma coming to use the outhouse. BaBooom! The manure goes flying, and so does Grandma. Ploop!...she lands in the strawberries. They go running up to her... "Grandma, Grandma! My God, are you all right? Are you all right?" She says, "Yeah, I'm fine. Whoo! I'm certainly glad I didn't let that one go in the kitchen!" ______________________________________________________ A woman was complaining to a policeman about the neighbor across the way. She took him up to her abode and pointing across the court said, "It's an outrage the way those nudists are carrying on in that apartment--I'm ashamed." The cop looked across the court and said, "I can't see anything going on in there." "Is that so?" she cried, "you just put this chair up on that dresser and stand on it! Take these binoculars and you'll see plenty!" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Apri Corcoran 30, Pleasant Plain, Ohio Ohio Mom April Corcoran Traded Daughter For Heroin An Ohio mom accused of providing her 11-year-old daughter to a drug dealer for sex in exchange for heroin pleaded not guilty today. April Corcoran, 30, was indicted Monday on 27 felony counts, including complicity in rape, complicity in gross sexual imposition, endangering children, and human trafficking, Cincinnati.com reports. Authorities told the website that Corcoran allegedly injected heroin into her daughter. Corcoran pleaded not guilty to the charges on Thursday. Her bail was set at $5 million, according to the Associated Press. Prosecutors said the alleged crimes took place between Feb. 15 and June 6 of last year. Corcoran, of Pleasant Plain, would drop off her daughter at the home of accused drug dealer Shandell Willingham, 41, and pick up the girl later. Willingham was indicted on 26 felony accounts, including rape, human trafficking and for allegedly videotaping the sex crimes against the victim, according to USA Today. Authorities learned about the alleged crimes last June when the child told her father and stepmother about it. The girl is now in their custody, according to WCPO TV. Both Corcoran and Willingham could face life sentences if convicted, according to Hamilton County Prosecutor Joe Deters. He told Fox19.com the case is "exhibit A for how devastating heroin is to our communities." Ohio Attorney General Mike DeWine told the station the situation was "sad beyond measure." "Instead of protecting her daughter, the mother saw her as a way to get drugs because the lure of heroin was apparently too strong," he said. Considering the videos, conviction of the perverts is pretty well assured. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Olga Re: Old business cards Dear Webby, My address changed, so now I got a stack of business cards with the old address. Considering how much I paid for them, I'd hate to just toss them into the garbage. Is there ANY use for old business cards, at all? Olga Dear Olga Yes, sure. Considering the cost of post-it-notes, use them as notes. Get a stick of removeable glue. They are usually colored pale yellow, like the original post-it-notes. Some of your free notes you can use without glue, and the ones to stick up on the monitor frame or mirror or fridge or dash, rub the glue stick across the printed side. Simple, and works great. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children fell to discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." Then a third child brought the argument to a close: "They use the dog," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Window Cleaner Don't pay extra for Windex. Wait until your auto parts store has car windshield cleaner on sale and stock up. Save dollars by refilling your spray bottles at home. By Terri ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ "How long will it take to pull my tooth?" The patient asked the dentist. "Only two seconds" "How much will it cost?" "Fifty dollars." "For only two seconds of work?" "Well," The dentist answered coolly, "I can pull it very, very slowly and make it last an hour if you prefer." _____________________________________________________ A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $3.99 for a $2 item that she doesn't want but that is on sale. ____________________________________________________
These 10 Weird Hobbies Were All The Rage In The Victorian Era

Today in 
1797 Nathaniel Briggs patented a washing machine. 
1854 The Crimean War began with Britain and France 
 declaring war on Russia. 
1898 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a child born in the 
 U.S. to Chinese immigrants was a U.S. citizen. This meant 
 that they could not be deported under the Chinese Exclusion Act. 
1905 The U.S. took full control over Dominican revenues. 
1908 Automobile owners lobbied the U.S. Congress, supporting 
 a bill that called for vehicle licensing and federal registration. 
1910 The first seaplane took off from water at Martinques, 
 France. The pilot was Henri Fabre. 
1922 Bradley A. Fiske patented a microfilm reading device. 
1930 Constantinople and Angora changed their names to 
 Istanbul and Ankara respectively. 
1933 In Germany, the Nazis ordered a ban on all Jews in 
 businesses, professions and schools. 
1938 In Italy, psychiatrists demonstrated the use of 
 electric-shock therapy for treatment of certain mental illnesses. 
1939 The Spanish Civil War ended as Madrid fell to Francisco Franco. 
1941 The Italian fleet was defeated by the British at the Battle 
 of Matapan. 
1942 British naval forces raided the Nazi occupied French 
 port of St. Nazaire. 
1945 Germany launched the last of the V-2 rockets against 
 England. 
1968 The U.S. lost its first F-111 aircraft in Vietnam when it 
 vanished while on a combat mission. North Vietnam claimed 
 that they had shot it down. 
1979 A major accident occurred at Pennsylvania's Three Mile 
 Island nuclear power plant. A nuclear power reactor 
 overheated and suffered a partial meltdown. 
1986 The U.S. Senate passed $100 million aid package for 
 the Nicaraguan contras. 
1990 Jesse Owens received the Congressional Gold Medal from 
 U.S. President George H.W. Bush. 
1990 In Britain, a joint Anglo-U.S. "sting" operation ended 
 with the seizure of 40 capacitors, which can be used in the 
 trigger mechanism of a nuclear weapon. 
1991 The U.S. embassy in Moscow was severely damaged by fire. 
2010 China's Zhejiang Geely Holding Group Co. signed a deal 
 to buy Ford Motor Co.'s Volvo car unit.
2015  smiled.


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Ezinefinder still down after a week 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, March 27
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Michigan woman, who shot into MacDonalds
during Bacon-Rage
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1794 The U.S. Congress authorized the creation of the U.S. Navy. 
1836 In Goliad, TX, about 350 Texan prisoners, including their 
 commander James Fannin, were executed under orders from 
 Gen. Antonio López de Santa Anna. An estimated 30 Texans 
 escaped execution. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You can't think yourself out of a writing block, you have to write yourself out of a thinking block. --- John Rogers I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants. --- A. Whitney Brown Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner ______________________________________________________ George and Nancy get along just great, except that she's a "backseat driver" second to none. After years of putting up with her pestering, he finally decided he had enough and advised her that he would no longer drive with her in the car. Later that day, on his way home from doing some shopping at the mall, he heard his cell phone ring, just as he was merging onto a freeway. It was Nancy. By chance, she had entered the freeway right behind George. "Honey," she said, "your turn signal is still on. And put on your lights; it's starting to rain." ______________________________________________________ The pastor was doing is weekly "children's message" with the children gathered around him down front. He was talking to the youngsters on their level about being good and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?" "Heaven!" one of the girls cried out enthusiastically. "And what do you have to be to get there?" the preacher asked. "Dead!" yelled one of the boys. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shaneka Monique Torres, 30, Grand Rapids Michigan Michigan woman shot into MacDonalds during Bacon-Rage A jury today found a Michigan woman guilty of firing a shot into a McDonald’s drive-thru window after employees failed to put bacon on a cheeseburger she ordered. Shaneka Monique Torres, 30, was convicted of a felony firearms charge after only an hour of deliberations by the panel. Torres, seen above, faces a minimum of two years in state prison when she is sentenced next month. Torres fired a single shot into the McDonald’s at 3:10 AM last February 10, according to Grand Rapids police. The gunplay came after Torres and another woman “complained that the order was incorrect,” cops noted. When a McDonald’s employee walked away from the drive-thru window, “one shot was fired from the suspect vehicle,” reported police, who added that the bullet entered the eatery at “head level” and “traveled through the window, across the dining room, and exited the restaurant through another window on the east side of the restaurant.” Shortly after the shooting--which did not result in any injuries--cops located Torres and recovered the 9mm Glock handgun used during the bacon rage incident. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Ezinefinder Dear Webby, For the past couple weeks, I have not been able to get into the "Ezine Finder" to vote for the humor letter. Is my computer messed up or are they down? Below are the buttons from today's humor letter. Thanks. Keep up the good work, Jim Dear Jim Your computer is fine. Ezinefinder is down. I think they tried to update the vote counting to 2015, and have not been able to do it just yet. You can try writing to support@cumuli.com Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The Boy Scouts were out collecting bottles for a fund raising activity. One ambitious young man knocked on a door and a sour-faced lady came to the door and asked: "What do you want, Sonny?" "D-d-do you have any beer bottles for the Boy Scouts, M-m-m-ma'am?" he asked. "Look here, young man, do I look like the kind of lady who would drink beer?" replied the lady. "S-s-sorry, Ma'am," was his reply. "W-w-what about vinegar bottles?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baking Soda for Cleaning Old Linoleum Floors I read all the posts; tried them all and then some. After scrubbing and scrubbing I found it, the solution! I bought an old house and could not afford new flooring. By far the most effective thing to do is wet the floor and sprinkle baking soda over it. Wait 15 minutes. Then scrub with a brush and wipe dry. Mop off the residue with water. I cannot believe how sparkly clean it came and the wax did not wear off. By Marrabella [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Every newspaper in New York sent a reporter and a staff photographer to the office of a local ophthalmologist when it was learned that he recently performed a successful sight- saving operation on the wife of the country's most celebrated mural artist, who, in addition to paying the doctor's usual fee, had gratefully insisted on painting one of his contemporary masterpieces across an entire wall of the doctor's waiting room. The mural turned out to be an immense multicolored picture of a human eye, in the center of which stood a perfect miniature likeness of the good doctor himself. While cameras clicked and most of the newsmen crowded around the famous artist for his comments, one cub reporter drew the eye specialist aside and asked: "Tell me, if you can, Doctor-what was your first reaction on seeing this fantastic artistic achievement covering an entire wall of your office?" "To tell the truth," the physician replied, "my first thought was, thank goodness I'm not a hemorrhoid specialist!" _____________________________________________________ It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden. ------------------------------------ Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested. ____________________________________________________
These 10 Weird Hobbies Were All The Rage In The Victorian Era

Today in 
1794 The U.S. Congress authorized the creation of the U.S. Navy. 
1836 In Goliad, TX, about 350 Texan prisoners, including their 
 commander James Fannin, were executed under orders from 
 Gen. Antonio López de Santa Anna. An estimated 30 Texans 
 escaped execution. 
1836 The first Mormon temple was dedicated in Kirtland, OH. 
1841 The first steam fire engine was tested in New York City. 
1860 The corkscrew was patented by M.L. Byrn. 
1884 The first long-distance telephone call was made from 
 Boston to New York. 
1899 The first international radio transmission between 
 England and France was achieved by the Italian inventor 
 G. Marconi. 
1900 The London Parliament passed the War Loan Act that 
 gave 35 million pounds to the Boer War cause in South Africa. 
1900 The Russian army mobilized 250,000 troops for active duty. 
1901 Filipino rebel leader Emilio Aguinaldo was captured by the U.S. 
1904 Mary Jarris "Mother" Jones was ordered by Colorado state 
 authorities to leave the state. She was accused of stirring up 
 striking coal miners. 
1912 The first cherry blossom trees were planted in Washington, 
 DC. The trees were a gift from Japan. 
1931 Actor Charlie Chaplin received France’s Legion of Honor
1933 About 55,000 people staged a protest against Hitler in 
 New York City. 
1941 Tokeo Yoshikawa arrived in Oahu, HI, and began spying 
 for Japan on the U.S. Fleet at Pearl Harbor. 
1942 The British raided the Nazi submarine base at 
 St. Nazaire, France. 
1946 Four-month long strikes at both General Electric and 
 General Motors ended with a wage increase. 
1952 The U.S. Eighth Army reached the 38th parallel in Korea, 
 the original dividing line between the two Koreas. 
1958 The U.S. announced a plan to explore space near the moon. 
1989 The U.S. anti-missile satellite failed the first test
1997 Russian workers, nearly 2 million, held a nationwide 
 strike to protest unpaid wages. 
1998 In the U.S., the FDA approved the prescription drug Viagra. 
2004 NASA successfully launched an unpiloted X-43A jet that hit 
 Mach 7 (about 5,000 mph). 
2007 NFL owners voted to make instant replay a permanent 
 officiating tool.
2015  smiled.


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Duplicate folders in Outlook 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 26

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida perv used video on man 
using urinal at miniature golf park
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1911 In New York City, 146 women were killed in fire at the 
 Triangle Shirtwaist Company in New York City. The owners of 
 the company were indicted on manslaughter charges because some 
 of the employees had been behind locked doors in the factory. 
 The owners were later acquitted and in 1914 they were ordered 
 to pay damages to each of the twenty-three families that had sued. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --- Al Gore, when he was Vice President ______________________________________________________ Bill: "Hey, tex, how big is your farm?" Tex: "Let me put it this way. If I were to get in my truck at sunrise and kept driving untill sundown, I STILL wouldn't be to the other side of my spread!" Bill: "Oh, yeah, I know what you mean. I used to have a truck like that too once too!" ______________________________________________________ The housewife answered the phone and listened with relief to the voice in her ear. "How are you, dear? What kind of day are you having?" "Oh, mom, the baby won't eat, the washing machine is broken, I've not been able to get out of the house to shop, I twisted my ankle and have been hobbling around. On top of that, the house is a mess and we're supposed to have two couples over for dinner tonight." "Now dear, just stay calm. Sit down, relax, close your eyes, and I'll be over in 1/2 hour. I'll do the shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll take care of the baby when I get there and call a repairman I know who'll get the washing machine fixed. In fact, I'll call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George? Who's George?" "Why, that's your *husband*, dear." "Mom, I don't have a husband." "Is this 234-5678?" "Uh, no, it's not. I think you have a wrong number." The housewife paused, then got rather hysterical: "But, but, but, you're still going to come over and help me, aren't you?" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Geraldine Alcorn 28 Pittsburgh Pennsylvania Teacher sent thousands of texts to 11-year-old same sex student expressing 'deep love' An elementary teacher in Pennsylvania is behind bars after police say she sent thousands of texts to an 11-year-old student. In a criminal complaint released by Pittsburgh authorities on Tuesday, 28-year-old Geraldine Alcorn is accused of sending more than 2,400 texts to a female student, where she expressed a "deep love" for the child and talked of running away with the minor, according to WTAE. The child and teacher had allegedly kept their contact a secret for an unspecified amount of time before school officials were made aware of it in February. The child's mother first discovered messages from Alcorn on her daughter's iPod, along with handwritten letters labeled "Things Ms. Alcorn and I can do," "What we can do," and "When we can do it," according to WPXI. Alcorn was allegedly discovered going over to the child's home without permission from the mother. Among the thousands of texts, Alcorn also allegedly discussed adopting the child and running away together, according to CBS Pittsburgh. Alcorn taught several of the girl's classes. Even after Alcorn resigned from her position in March following a police investigation, police say she still attempted contact with the girl. More from the complaint: "On 3/13/2015, after Alcorn had resigned, she went to the school to collect her belongings. On 3/16/2015, the 11-year-old female discovered gifts and several letters, some encrypted, in her locker and desk. The letters, written by Alcorn instructed the 11-year-old female to contact her. Alcorn supplied the 11-year-old female with her telephone number that was encrypted on a math worksheet where the 11-year- old female was instructed to follow the numbers circled." Alcorn now faces a felony charge of interference with custody of children, and misdemeanor charges including luring a child into a vehicle and corruption of minors. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lynne Re: Duplicate folders in Outlook Dear Webby, I did everything you said to do to get my MailWasher and Microsoft programs to work together. Now I did get my email to come into Mailwasher but even though I followed your directions the washed email would not show up into Microsoft Outlook. I was so frustrated. Your directions always solve the problems. I knew I was missing something. But didn’t know where to look. My brother-in-law came to my rescue!! He suggested that I check the folders under the “Mail” listing on the left hand side of the Outlook email program to see if there were 2 Inbox folders and to also look to see if there were any other duplicate folders. I did check and found that the “Inbox and Sent Items” were listed in there 2 xs just like he suggested. I have no idea how that happened but I did find all my emails in the 2nd Inbox where they had been sitting all the time. I had noticed these duplicate folders before but my email programs were working just fine, until March 15th. Those were the last emails that I received until today!! I do have both programs working together again. I am not sure how to proceed with the extra folders. I want to be sure that they don’t get back in again. After I clear out my over 200 emails, I will proceed very carefully to determine which folders to get rid of. Have you ever heard of how these duplicate folders are created? Thank you so much for your help and I hope that others will be helped with this duplicate folders issue. Dear Lynne I have no idea how the extra folders were created. Cat walking over the keyboard? Overactive boobs? Routine Outlook malfunction? Microsoft is aware of the problem and says in Microsoft Live it is apparently not as bad. They don't have any definite remedies, just a bunch of complicated "You could try...", that all sound rather silly and not like a usable remedy. Probably the best method is to temporarily move the mails from both of duplicated folders, then delete one, and move the temporoarily stashed files into the remaining one. Keep in mind, if the INbox and the TRASH and the OUTbox get large, Outlook and especially Outlook Express, go nuts. Keep those three folders nice and trim. You can have as many mails as you want in 2014-Loveletters, just not in the critical 4.Outlook and Outlook Express have always had that problem. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ In a test of emergency systems some boy scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for by the emergency units. One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout lay "wounded" for several hours. When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note: "Have bled to death and gone to McDonalds for a refill." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baking Soda for Cleaning Old Linoleum Floors I read all the posts; tried them all and then some. After scrubbing and scrubbing I found it, the solution! I bought an old house and could not afford new flooring. By far the most effective thing to do is wet the floor and sprinkle baking soda over it. Wait 15 minutes. Then scrub with a brush and wipe dry. Mop off the residue with water. I cannot believe how sparkly clean it came and the wax did not wear off. By Marrabella [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ "I hope you didn't take it personally, Pastor," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon." "I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied. "It's not a reflection on you, sir," insisted the church goer. "Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a kid." _____________________________________________________ Girls are attracted to boys, even at an early age. At an early age, boys are attracted to dirt. ____________________________________________________
A Glass Labyrinth

Today in 
1026 Conrad II was crowned Holy Roman Emperor by Pope John XIX. 
1799 Napoleon captured Jaffa Palestine. 
1793 The Holy Roman Emperor formally declared war on France. 
1804 The U.S. Congress ordered the removal of Indians east 
 of the Mississippi to Louisiana. 
1885 Eastman Kodak (Eastman Dry Plate and Film Co.) produced 
 the first commercial motion picture film in Rochester, NY. 
1909 Russian troops invaded Persia to support Muhammad Ali 
 as shah in place of the constitutional government. 
1910 The U.S. Congress passed an amendment to the 1907 
 Immigration Act that barred criminals, paupers, anarchists 
 and carriers of disease from settling in the U.S. 
1917 At the start of the battle of Gaza, the British cavalry 
 withdrew when 17,000 Turks blocked their advance. 
1937 Spinach growers in Crystal City, TX, erected a statue of Popeye. 
1938 Herman Goering warned all Jews to leave Austria. 
1942 The Germans began sending Jews to Auschwitz in Poland. 
1945 The battle of Iwo Jima ended. 
1945 In the Aleutians, the battle of Komandorski began when the 
 Japanese attempted to reinforce a garrison at Kiska and were 
 intercepted by a U.S. naval force. 
1958 The U.S. Army launched America's third successful satellite, 
 Explorer III. 
1971 Sheikh Mujibur Rahman declared East Pakistan to be the 
 independent republic of Bangladesh. 
1979 The Camp David treaty was signed by Israel and Egypt that 
 ended the 31-year state of war between the countries. 
1992 In Indianapolis, heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson 
 was found guilty of rape. He was sentenced to 6 years in prison. 
 He only served three. 
1995 Seven of the 15 European Union states abolished border controls. 
1996 The International Monetary Fund approved a $10.2 billion loan 
 for Russia to help the country transform its economy. 
1997 The 39 bodies of Heaven's Gate members are found in a mansion 
 in Rancho Santa Fe, CA. The group had committed suicide thinking 
 that they would be picked up by a spaceship following behind the 
 comet Hale-Bopp. 
1998 In the U.S., the Federal government endorses new HIV test 
 that yields instant results. 
1999 The macro virus "Melissa" was reported for the first. 
1999 In Michigan, Dr. Jack Kevorkian was convicted of second-
 degree murder for giving a terminally ill man a lethal 
 injection and putting it all on videotape on September 17, 
 1998 for "60 Minutes." 
2000 The Seattle Kingdome was imploded to make room for a 
 new football arena. 
2000 In Russia, acting President Vladimir Putin was elected 
 president outright. 
2015  smiled.


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Gmail cookies for multiple accounts 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, March 25

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida perv used video on man 
using urinal at miniature golf park
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1911 In New York City, 146 women were killed in fire at the 
 Triangle Shirtwaist Company in New York City. The owners of 
 the company were indicted on manslaughter charges because some 
 of the employees had been behind locked doors in the factory. 
 The owners were later acquitted and in 1914 they were ordered 
 to pay damages to each of the twenty-three families that had sued. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Spare no expense to save money on this one. --- Samuel Goldwyn (1882 - 1974) "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --- Al Gore, when he was Vice President ______________________________________________________ An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, infinite wisdom, or infinite beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something." The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money." ______________________________________________________ You might be a Texan if you have ever had this conversation: "You wanna Coke?" "Yeah." "What kind?" "Dr. Pepper." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Panama Beach, Florida
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Justin Lynn Barrett Pasco County Florida Florida perv used video on man using urinal at miniature golf park An employee at a Florida miniature golf park is facing charges of video voyeurism after allegedly setting up a cellphone camera in a bathroom to film a man answering nature's call. Deputies from the Pasco County Sheriff's Office were called to Congo River Miniature Golf Saturday afternoon, after a man using the restroom noticed a cell phone leaning against the wall under a sink recording him, Bay News 9 reports. The victim called authorities and insisted he didn't give anybody permission to record him urinating, according to WFLA.com. Barrett, one of two employees working that day, was quickly determined to be the main suspect. Authorities said he admitted setting up the camera in the bathroom and said he did it because “he saw a hot man,” according to New Port Richey Patch. Barrett was charged with video voyeurism, a felony, and booked into the county jail. He was released from custody on Monday after posting $5000 bond. When Sheriff Chris Nocco discussed the case with the media, he didn't pull any punches. “This guy has some issues,”Nocco told Suncoast News. “As a father, you do what you can to protect your kids. This is one of those things where there’s some scumbag who will exploit people. He didn’t know who was going to use [the urinal]. It could have been a 5-year-old boy or a 50-year-old man.” Nocco also said Barrett attempted to destroy the evidence on the phone, TBO.com reports. Barrett allegedly told police this incident was the first time he had attempted to film people in the urinal, but Nocco suspects there are other victims “He said this was the first time he did it, but we’re skeptical," he said, according to the website. "I hope all of [Barrett’s] neighbors see and hear this. I wouldn’t let my children near his house. He’s the one who needs to be exposed.” ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Patrick Re: Gmail cookies Dear Webby, cookie problem: I used to experience that issue as I have a few different gmail accounts. Gmail now allows you to login to separate accounts by logging into your primary account, and then clicking on the little blue person icon in the top right corner of the page and selecting add an account. The first time you do this you will have to login to the second address as normal. Gmail will then place an additional cookie for each separate email account and you can login to any gmail account in any order you wish. Re RCMP. My uncle who is a retired member and avid motorcycle rider claims that he is the one in the story. He has spent the bulk of his career in Western Canada, so I suppose it is possible, but like any great story, I take it with a grain of salt. Patrick Dear Patrick Thanks for the info about the extra account cookies! Re RCMP: Well, SOME RCMP member did it. Might as well be him. Is he also the one, who was jogging in place beside a car stuck and spinning out in a snow drift in a blizzard near Black Diamond, with the drunk in it believing his speedometer and thinking the officer was jogging along at 80 Miles per hour? That apparently happened near here too. I am in Black Diamond. Say HI to him from me! Btw., the drunk was not me. I don't drink. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The local pastor noticed that Little Johnny hadn't been to Sunday school in a long time. He was not surprised that Johnny's parents had not been to church in a month of Sundays, but it was unusual for Johnny to miss Sunday school for so long. He went to Johnny's house and knocked on the door. Little Johnny answered the door, took one look at the pastor and called to his father, "Hey, Dad! That guy that collects money for God is here!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mark Sizes on Cake Pans I don't use cake tins often and I always have to measure them to ensure I have the right size. I painted the sizes (in centimetres) of the tins on their sides with ceramic paint and baked them in the oven to set the paint. Now, no more searching for a ruler when I make a cake or flan. By Ann.Mc [1] For easy and cheap permanent marking get a Nissen Marker. They are about $5 - $6, depending on which type you get. I prefer the ball pen type, just from old habit, but they have many different types. Nissen markers I used to use them to mark electric motors before putting them into the burn-out oven to burn all the insulation on the wires in them, to make it easy to remove the old wires prior to re-winding them. Red glowing cast iron did not obliterate the job numbers on the stators. In your oven the pans won't get half as hot as those big motors did. The ball pen type seals as soon as you stop writing. No fuss or brushes to clean. In the last 35 years I have used up a bunch of them, but none ever dried out on me. You can of course also use the Nissen Markers to permanently identify keys, tools, lunch boxes, jam jars, whatever. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it closely. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in a young boy's voice, he answered: "I THINK IT'S ADAM'S UNDERWEAR!" _____________________________________________________ Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him and busting their teeth on the counter here." ____________________________________________________
A lot of history here. Too bad it isn't open to the public ......yet.

Today in 
0421 The city of Venice was founded. 
1306 Robert the Bruce was crowned king of Scotland. 
1409 The Council of Pisa opened. 
1634 Lord Baltimore founded the Catholic colony of Maryland.
1655 Puritans jailed Governor Stone after a military victory 
 over Catholic forces in the colony of Maryland. 
1655 Christian Huygens discovered Titan. Titan is Saturn's 
 largest satellite. 
1669 Mount Etna in Sicily erupted destroying Nicolosi. 
 20,000 people were killed. 
1807 The first railway passenger service began in England. 
1807 British Parliament abolished the slave trade. 
1813 The frigate USS Essex flew the first U.S. flag in battle 
 in the Pacific. 
1820 Greece freedom revolt against anti Ottoman attack 
1821 Greece gained independence from Turkey. 
1856 A. E. Burnside patented Burnside carbine. 
1857 Frederick Laggenheim took the first photo of a solar eclipse. 
1865 The SS General Lyon at Cape Hatteras caught fire and sank. 
 400 people were killed. 
1895 Italian troops invaded Abyssinia (Ethiopia). 
1901 The Mercedes was introduced by Daimler at the five-day 
 "Week of Nice" in Nice, France. 
1901 It was reported in Washington, DC, that Cubans were 
 beginning to fear annexation. 
1902 Irving W. Colburn patented the sheet glass drawing machine. 
1902 In Russia, 567 students were found guilty of "political 
 disaffection." 95 students were exiled to Siberia. 
1905 Rebel battle flags that were captured during the American 
 Civil War were returned to the South. 
1905 Russia received Japan's terms for peace. 
1907 Nicaraguan troops took Tegucigalpa, the capital of Honduras. 
1909 In Russia, revolutionary Popova was arrested on 
 300 murder charges. 
1911 In New York City, 146 women were killed in fire at the 
 Triangle Shirtwaist Company in New York City. The owners of 
 the company were indicted on manslaughter charges because some 
 of the employees had been behind locked doors in the factory. 
 The owners were later acquitted and in 1914 they were ordered 
 to pay damages to each of the twenty-three families that had sued. 
1913 The Palace Theatre opened in New York City. 
1915 21 people died when a U.S. F-4 submarine sank off the 
 Hawaiian coast. 
1940 The U.S. agreed to give Britain and France access to all 
 American warplanes. 
1941 Yugoslavia joined the Axis powers. 
1941 The first paprika mill was incorporated in Dollon, SC. 
1947 A coalmine explosion in Centralia, IL, killed 111 people. 
1953 The USS Missouri fired on targets at Kojo, North Korea. 
1954 RCA manufactured its first color TV set
1957 The European Economic Community was established with the 
 signing of the Treaty of Rome. 
1960 A guided missile was launched from a nuclear powered 
 submarine for the first time. 
1970 The Concorde made its first supersonic flight. 
1975 King Faisal of Saudi Arabia was shot to death by a nephew. 
 The nephew, with a history of mental illness, was beheaded 
 the following June. 
1982 Wayne Gretzky became the first player in the NHL to score 
 200 points in a season. 
1983 The U.S. Congress passed legislation to rescue the U.S. 
 social security system from bankruptcy. 
1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan ordered emergency aid for the 
 Honduran army. U.S. helicopters took Honduran troops to the 
 Nicaraguan border.
1990 Estonia voted for independence from the Soviet Union. 
1991 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein launched a major counter-
 offensive to recapture key towns from Kurds in northern Iraq. 
1992 Soviet cosmonaut Sergei Krikalev returned to Earth after 
 spending 10 months aboard the orbiting Mir space station. 
1993 President de Klerk admitted that South Africa had built 
 six nuclear bombs, but said that they had since been dismantled. 
1994 United States troops completed their withdrawal from Somalia. 
1995 Boxer Mike Tyson was released from jail after serving 3 years. 
1996 An 81-day standoff by the antigovernment Freemen began at a 
 ranch near Jordan, MT. 
1998 A cancer patient was the first known to die under Oregon's 
 doctor-assisted suicide law. 
1998 The FCC nets $578.6 million at auction for licenses for new 
 wireless technology. 
1998 Quinn Pletcher was found guilty on charges of extortion. 
 He had threatened to kill Bill Gates unless he was paid $5 million. 
2004 The U.S. Senate voted (61-38) on the Unborn Victims of Violence Act
2015  smiled.


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Gmail cookie problem 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 24

If you have been considering getting MailWasher,
get off your butt! Today is the last day to get it at 50% off!

We got snow again. Light, fluffy snow, about 5 inches.
No, not climate change due to your farting. It's  quite normal
to get a bit of snow here in the foothills of the Rockies in
March, April, and I have seen it even in May. 

Please continue farting and driving. Our grain fields and 
forests need the CO2. If you don't, we might have to ration 
your toilet paper allotment.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Virginia teacher, who had students 
wait in line for sex
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1832 Mormon Joseph Smith was beaten, tarred and feathered in Ohio. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. --- James M. Barrie (1860 - 1937) ______________________________________________________ A preacher said to the farmer,"Do you belong to the Christian family ?" "No", he said, " they live two farms down ". "No,no, I mean are you lost ?" "No, I've been here thirty years." "I mean are you ready for Judgement Day?" "When is it ?" "It could be today or tomorrow ". "Well, when you find out for sure when it is , you let me know . My wife will probably want to go both days !" ______________________________________________________ Just think, if it weren't for women, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Black Forest
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Erica Lynn Mesa, 28, Colonial Forge, Virginia Virginia teacher had students wait in line for sex A former math teacher and volleyball coach at a Virginia high school has pleaded guilty to multiple charges in a student sex case that broke at the beginning of the school year. Erica Lynn Mesa, 28, has been in jail since her arrest Sept. 29, according to WTVR. Mesa admitted to having sex with several students at Colonial Forge High School in Stafford County last year, police said. In a confession obtained by Stafford Sheriff's deputies, Mesa said she had sex with the boys, one of whom was underage at the time, because it made her feel "attractive and wanted." She told how she had sex with one victim in a car in a commuter lot on his eighteenth birthday. She also described how she had multiple students over at her house while her husband was away. She said she made one of the boys wait his turn in the basement while she had sex with another upstairs. "She is not a pedophile," her attorney, Mark Gardner, said in court Friday. "She was not preying on people who had no interest in participating." Sheriff's deputies began investigating Mesa in 2014 after they received a tip from administration at Colonial Forge. Investigators found a electronic trail linking Mesa to her victims, which included nude photos of herself that she'd sent to a 16-year-old student, according to WTOP. Mesa was charged with the sex abuse of two boys, but told police that she had sex with a total of four victims, according to the Fredericksburg Free Lance-Star. In exchange for her pleas, prosecutors reduced two charges against her, and dropped two others. She faces a maximum of 22 years in prison when she is sentenced May 21. In court Friday, her lawyer said that his client's poor choices cost her her marriage and her career. As part of her plea deal, Mesa will register as a sex offender. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Kay Re: Gmail cookie problem Dear Webby, Hope all is well with you. I need some information on cookies. Right now I'm working with IE. I have downloaded Mozilla Firefox. When I try to get into my Gmail it tells me that cookies are preventing me from opening my mail. My question is, is it safe to delete all cookies? Thank you for all of the help you have given me in the past. Kay Dear Kay You are the first one with that problem! Get CrapCleaner from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools With that you can sort out your cookies and dump any, that you don't recognize or like. After that, go through all your Gmail options, and ALLOW it to set cookies. You may have to click on ALLOW in each of your browsers. They are harmless, just store your preferences. Are you using Gmail raw, or hauling it down into a full-featured email program like Eudora, Thunderbird, Outlook, etc? Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Re marriage: "My mother says to look for a man who is kind. So that's what I'll do. I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and kinda cute." -Carolyn, AGE 8 ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bobbin as Lost Jeans Button When you lose the metal button for your jeans, use a metal sewing bobbin. It is the same size and the shank is perfect for the thicker denim. By Carole A. [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Supposedly true. Has been around the net again and again for twenty years, and the RCMP has never issued a disclaimer. An RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) officer stopped to help a stranded rider standing beside a stalled motorcycle in the Rockies just a bit east of here. It was quite cold for riding a bike at speed, and the rider was heavily dressed in a full face helmet, balaclava and snowmobile suit. In a shivering voice, the rider told the Mountie that the carburetor was frozen. "Well, pee on it," the Mountie said. "Can't," replied the rider. The helpful Mountie took out his own equipment and liberally hosed down the carburetor, and the bike soon fired up. A few days later, the local department received a thank you note from a father, grateful for the roadside assistance his young daughter had received from the RCMP. _____________________________________________________ Dogs prayer: Dear God, If we come back as humans in our next life, is that as punishment for jumping on the couch? ____________________________________________________
I love old barns, old log cabins and old historic homes.

Today in 
1379 The Gelderse war ended. 
1545 German Parliament opened in Worms. 
1720 In Paris, banking houses closed due to financial crisis.
1765 Britain passed the Quartering Act that required the 
 American colonies to house 10,000 British troops in 
 public and private buildings. 
1832 Mormon Joseph Smith was beaten, tarred and feathered in Ohio. 
1837 Canada gave blacks the right to vote 
1880 The first "hail insurance company" was incorporated in 
 Connecticut. It was known as Tobacco Growers’ Mutual 
 Insurance Company. 
1882 In Berlin, German scientist Robert Koch announced the 
 discovery of the tuberculosis germ (bacillus). 
1904 Vice Adm. Tojo sank seven Russian ships as the 
 Japanese strengthened their blockade of Port Arthur. 
1905 In Crete, a group led by Eleutherios Venizelos 
 claimed independence from Turkey. 
1906 In Mexico, the Tehuantepec Istmian Railroad opened 
 as a rival to the Panama Canal. 
1911 In Denmark, penal code reform abolished corporal 
 punishment. 
1924 Greece became a republic. 
1927 Chinese Communists seized Nanking and break with 
 Chiang Kai-shek over the Nationalist goals. 
1938 The U.S. asked that all powers help refugees fleeing 
 from the Nazis. 
1944 In Rome, The Gestapo rounded up innocent Italians and 
 shot them to death in response to a bomb attack that killed 
 32 German policemen. Over 300 civilians were executed. 
1946 The Soviet Union announced that it was withdrawing its 
 troops from Iran. 
1955 The first oil drill seagoing rig was put into service. 
1976 The president of Argentina, Isabel Peron, was deposed 
 by her country's military. 
1985 Thousands demonstrated in Madrid against the NATO 
 presence in Spain. 
1989 The Exxon Valdez spilled 240,000 barrels (11 million 
 gallons) of oil in Alaska's Prince William Sound after 
 it ran aground. 
1997 The Australian parliament overturned the world's first 
 and only euthanasia law. 
1998 In Jonesboro, AR, two young boys open fire at students 
 from woods near a school. Four students and a teacher 
 were killed and 10 others were injured. The two boys were 
 11 and 13 years old cousins. 
1999 The 7-mile tunnel under Mont Blanc in France was an inferno 
 after a truck carrying flour and margarine caught on fire. At 
 least 30 people were killed. 
2001 Apple Computer Inc's operating system MAC OS X went on sale. 
2005 The government of Kyrgyzstan collapsed. 
2006 In Spain, the Basque separatist group ETA announced a 
 permanent cease-fire. 
2014 It was announced that the U.S. and its allies would exclude 
 Russia from the G8 meeting and boycott a planned summit in 
 Sochi in response to Russia's takeover of Crimea.
2015  smiled.


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How soon are cards sent? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, March 22

If you have been considering getting MailWasher,
get off your butt! You have today and tomorrow left
to get it at 50% off!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Drunk driver, who wound up on 
underground railway 
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1998 Russian President Boris Yeltsin fired his Cabinet. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted. --- Aldous Huxley (1894 - 1963) ______________________________________________________ Two young medical students were standing on a street corner observing people as they passed and discussing any abnormalities with each other that they may have seen in passers-by. They saw this old fellow sort of duck waddling down the street at a slow pace. The two students introduced themselves to the gentleman and told him that they didn't agree with each others diagnosis of the old mans problem. One says, "My friend thinks you have a bad case of hemorrhoids, and I think you have a hernia." The old man said, "Well, I thought it was a going to be fart, but it looks like all three of us were wrong with our guessing." ______________________________________________________ At a school event a teacher stacked a pile of apples on one end of a table with a sign saying, "Take only one apple please - God is watching." On the other end of the table was a pile of cookies. A student had secretly placed a sign on saying, "Take all the cookies you want - God is watching the apples." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Your cats are ready to come in and punish you for not letting them in earlier.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by German soldier 31, Dortmund, Germany Drunk driver ends up on underground railway Early morning commuters on the Dortmund underground railway got a surprise - when a Ford Focus pulled into the station instead of a train. The driver, a 31-year-old off duty soldier, was drunk and had got lost around 5am. He had followed a tram into a tunnel, somehow managing to ignore warning signs - and also the fact the road gave way to a train track. U-Bahn trains in Dortmund run as trams for stretches on city streets above ground, before returning underground. The man, whose name has not been released, stopped at the first station he came to, Barop Parkhaus - blocking the U42 line. "I was in a nightclub, and like a real dummy I got behind the wheel," he told Bild newspaper. "After that my memory's blank. All I remember is two policemen approaching me on the platform." U-Bahn staff had to push the car back up out of the station by hand. Apparently none of them were sober enough to drive it out or to chain it to a tram and pull it out. Service was interrupted for several hours. The hapless driver only had a provisional licence, which he has now lost. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Carol Re: How soon are cards sent? Dear Webby, How soon is a card sent? Mine doesn't to be sending. Carol Dear Carol Cards are sent immediately, however some ISPs like Yahoo refuse to deliver them to the yahoos, who hallucinate that Yahoo is good enough. Just tell the recipients to get a respectable email account on the side, for example Gmail. Then they will get your cards within seconds. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ >From Connie Today at work, the boss wanted to know when Father's Day was. "Easy," I answered. "It's nine months before Mother's Day." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Soak Important Paperwork Instead of Shredding I get sick of shredding so sometimes I put papers in the sink with hot soapy water and let them soak while I do other things. When I come back to them, they are easy to tear and mix into tight balls. When dry, these balls will be impossible to break apart for any information. By lavonneann [5] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a attractive young woman asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk." That's fine," replied the woman. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old woman standing beside her. "Grandma will pay the bill," she smiled. _____________________________________________________ An IRS man asks a farmer, "How much is your prize bull worth?" The farmer says, "For tax purposes, or has he been hit by a train?" ____________________________________________________
So very beautiful.... I could live there!

Today in 
1026 Koenraad II crowned himself king of Italy. 
1066 The 18th recorded perihelion passage of Halley's 
 Comet took place. 
1490 The first dated edition of Maimonides "Mishna Torah" 
 was published. 
1657 France and England formed an alliance against Spain. 
1794 Josiah G. Pierson patented a rivet machine. 
1806 Explorers Lewis and Clark, reached the Pacific coast, 
 and began their return journey to the east. 
1808 Napoleon's brother Joseph took the throne of Spain. 
1836 The coin press was invented by Franklin Beale. 
1839 The first recorded printed use of "OK" [oll korrect] 
 occurred in Boston's Morning Post. 
1840 The first successful photo of the Moon was taken. 
1848 Hungary proclaimed its independence of Austria. 
1857 Elisha Otis installed the first modern passenger 
 elevator in a public building. It was at the corner 
 of Broome Street and Broadway in New York City. 
1858 Eleazer A. Gardner patented the cable streetcar. 
1861 London's first tramcars began operations. 
1880 John Stevens patented the grain crushing mill. 
 The mill increased flour production by 70 percent. 
1881 A gas lamp caused a fire in an opera house in 
 Nice, France. 70 people were killed. 
1889 U.S. President Harrison opened Oklahoma for 
 white colonization. 
1901 Dame Nellie Melba, revealed the secret of her 
 now famous toast. 
1901 It was learned that Boers were starving in 
 British concentration camps in South Africa. 
1901 Shots were fired at Privy Councilor Pobyedonostzev, 
 who was considered to be Russia's most hated man. 
1902 In Italy, the minimum legal working age was raised 
 from 9 to 12 for boys and from 11 to 15 for girls. 
1903 The Wright brothers obtained an airplane patent. 
1909 British Lt. Shackleton found the magnetic South Pole. 
1912 The Dixie Cup was invented. 
1917 Austrian Emperor Charles I made a peace proposal to 
 French President Poincare. 
1917 In the Midwest U.S., four tornadoes kill 211 people 
 over a four day period. 
1918 Lithuania proclaimed independence. 
1919 Benito Mussolini founded his Fascist political 
 movement in Milan, Italy. 
1921 Arthur G. Hamilton set a new parachute record when 
 he safely jumped from 24,400 feet. 
1925 The state of Tennessee enacted a law that made it a 
 crime for a teacher in any state-supported public school 
 to teach any theory that was in contradiction to the 
 Bible's account of man's creation. 
1932 In the U.S., the Norris-LaGuardia Act established 
 workers' right to strike. 
1933 The German Reichstag adopted the Enabling Act. The 
 act effectively granted Adolf Hitler dictatorial 
 legislative powers. 
1934 The U.S. Congress accepted the independence of the 
 Philippines in 1945. 
1936 Italy, Austria & Hungary signed the Pact of Rome. 
1937 The L.A. Railway Co. started using PCC streetcars. 
1942 The Japanese occupy the Andaman Islands. 
1942 During World War II, the U.S. government began evacuating 
 Japanese-Americans from West Coast homes to concentration 
 camps. 
1951 U.S. paratroopers descended from flying boxcars in a 
 surprise attack in Korea. 
1956 Pakistan became the first Islamic republic. It was still 
 within the British Commonwealth. 
1956 Sudan became independent. 
1957 The U.S. Army sold the last of its homing pigeons. 
1967 Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. called the Vietnam War 
 the biggest obstacle to the civil rights movement. 
1970 Mafia "Boss" Carlo Gambino was arrested for plotting to 
 steal $3 million. 
1972 Evel Knievel broke 93 bones after successfully jumping 
 35 cars. 
1980 The deposed shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, left 
 Panama for Egypt. 
1981 U.S. Supreme Court upheld a law making statutory rape a 
 crime for men but not women. 
1983 U.S. President Reagan first proposed development of 
 technology to intercept enemy missiles. The proposal became 
 known as the Strategic Defense Initiative and "Star Wars." 
1989 Joel Steinberg was sentenced to 25 years for killing his 
 adopted daughter. 
1989 Two electrochemists, Stanley Pons and Martin Fleischman, 
 announced that they had created nuclear fusion in a test tube 
 at room temperature. 
1990 Former Exxon Valdez Captain Joseph Hazelwood was ordered to 
 help clean up Prince William Sound and pay $50,000 in restitution 
 for the 1989 oil spill. 
1993 U.N. experts announced that record ozone lows had been 
 registered over a large area of the Western Hemisphere. It was BS.
1996 Taiwan held its first democratic presidential elections. 
1998 Germany's largest bank pledged $3.1 million to Jewish 
 foundations as restitution for Nazi looting. 
1998 Russian President Boris Yeltsin fired his Cabinet. 
1998 The movie "Titanic" won 11 Oscars at the Academy Awards. 
1998 The German company Bertelsmann AG agreed to purchase the 
 American publisher Random House for $1.4 billion. The merger 
 created the largest English-language book-publishing company 
 in the world. 
1999 NATO Secretary-General Javier Solana gave formal approval 
 for air strikes against Serbian targets. 
2001 Russia's orbiting Mir space station plunged into the South 
 Pacific after its 15-years of use.
2015  smiled.


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Comcast - Outlook problem 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, March 22

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
California man admits to fatal 
Halloween hit-and-run that 
killed three 13-year-olds
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Life is pain, anyone who says differently is selling something. --- William Goldman, ______________________________________________________ In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step, and, once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step. About this time,a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screamed, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!" The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends." ______________________________________________________ It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin ploughing." Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "The twelve hundred students who went to move 26 cars may now return to class." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Weasel Attacks Woodpecker
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jaquinn Ramone Bell, 32, Santa Ana, California California man admits to fatal halloween hit-and-run that killed three 13-year-olds A man who struck and killed three 13-year-old California girls as they were trick-or-treating last Halloween and then fled in his damaged sport utility vehicle, pleaded guilty on Friday to several felony charges, prosecutors said. Jaquinn Ramone Bell, 32, was convicted of three felony vehicular manslaughter counts, one felony fatal hit-and-run charge, a misdemeanor for driving with a suspended license, and received a sentencing enhancement for leaving the scene, the Orange County District Attorney's Office said in a statement. Twin sisters Lexia and Lexandra Perez and their friend Andrea Gonzales, all 13, were wearing costumes and carrying bags of candy as they crossed a street in Santa Ana, some 40 miles (65 km) southeast of Los Angeles, when they were struck by the SUV last Halloween evening. Prosecutors said Bell was driving at more than 60 mph (95 kph) at the time of the collision. The speed limit for the area was 45 mph (70 kph). Bell did not stop to help the dying girls, prosecutors said. All three were pronounced dead at the scene, triggering an outpouring of grief in working class Santa Ana and across Southern California. Authorities say Bell abandoned the vehicle, which had a damaged front end from the accident, near the scene and fled on foot. Bell was arrested in November at a Motel 6 in Stanton, California, not far from where the girls were hit on a crosswalk. His mother and half-sister were also initially arrested but later released when they were cleared of involvement in the collision. Bell faces a maximum of 13 years and eight months in state prison and is set to be sentenced on May 21, the statement said. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lynne Re: Comcast mail problem Dear Webby, Thank you for answering my previous call for help to keep MailWasher Pro and Microsoft Outlook working together. They were working together beautifully. The last Windows update was done on 3/13/15 – Both programs were working together at this point. The last email that I was able to receive on both programs was on 3/15/15 and until yesterday I was unable to get any email. With these 2 programs. I do have access to get my email through another account (gmail.com) and I can go out online and retrieve my Comcast.net email. But I do prefer to use the combination of MailWasher Pro and Microsoft Outlook. When they work together it is fantastic. MailWasher identifies spam, captures previously unwanted email and allows me to discard these unwanted emails without filling up my internal “deleted” folder. After going over and over checking all entries to both programs, I have discovered & resolved one problem – the “update automatically box” had been incorrectly checked. I have gone back in and checked the box to “alert me for updates”, which is the box I normally check to allow me to decide only what I want to update I apparently was able to get most of the information identical in each program and I am now getting email into Mail Washer, but now Outlook is not responding to “send and receive” to bring the email from MailWasher over into Outlook. But I have to be missing something. I still cannot keep them working together. Any clues on how to resolve this recurring problem would be helpful. Additional questions and Information: I have Fire Fox 35.01 currently with a new offer to update to 36.03. Good idea??? I never cancelled my Internet Explorer and have version 11.0.9600.17691 (there doesn’t seem to be any problem with having the two, with Internet explorer just sitting in the background.) I do not have Google Chrome would that program be a benefit to have or a hindrance ? Could any of these versions be another problem?? Somehow I have ended up with multiple questions. Can you answer any of them. Thanks, Lynne Hanniford Dear Lynne Sounds like Comcast changed the password, again. That is why Outlook can't do anything. They have done that to you before. Reset the password and put the new password into both MailWasher and into Outlook. That should fix the problem. By the way, MailWasher does not work WITH Outlook or WITH any email program. MailWasher simply looks at the email on the server, washes the spam from it, and then politely bowed out. On the way out, it hands the cursor focus over to Outlook, or whatever email program you use. It doesn't go into Outlook, just knocks on it's door to wake it up. Chrome is just a browser, like FireFox. I find it is a bit faster. However, FireFox works too. Chrome is just an alternative. Keeping the browsers reasonably current is usually a good idea, but the browsers have nothing to do with the Comcast password problem. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about a word his lover said. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before his wife finishes talking. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Add Hole To Hamburger Patties My son showed me how to keep my ground beef patties from swelling up like pillows. I am really old and didn't know this. I hope I am not the only one. When he cooks hamburgers he puts a thumb hole in the patty and it won't swell up. You don't have to keep smushing it down when it puffs up and this preserves the nice juices and you won't have dry burgers. It closes as it cooks so your burgers don't look like donuts when they are done. By Ms Marty Dick [151] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ The widow lay crying on her psychiatrist's couch. "We were married twenty-five years before he died," she said, dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those years." "Amazing," said the doctor. "How did you do it?" "Well, I outweighed him by seventy pounds." _____________________________________________________ An inter-church gathering was well attended when someone suddenly cried "FIRE!" The Methodists gathered in a corner to pray. The Baptists hollered "Everyone in the water !" The Lutherans nailed a paper to the door declaring fire was evil. The Episcopalians formed a procession and marched out in an orderly manner. The Unitarians concluded the fire had as much right to be there as anyone. The Christian Scientists agreed there really wasn't a fire. The 7th Day Adventists said it was "the vengeance of an angry God." The Presbyterians formed a committee to study the problem. The Catholics passed the plate to cover the damages. The janitor grabbed a fire extinguisher and put the fire out. ____________________________________________________
The Remember Song. I can relate to this!

Today in 
1457 Gutenberg Bible became the first printed book. 
1622 Indians attacked a group of colonists in the James 
 River area of Virginia. 347 residents were killed. 
1719 Frederick William abolished serfdom on crown property 
 in Prussia. 
1733 Joseph Priestly invented carbonated water (seltzer). 
1765 The Stamp Act was passed. It was the first direct 
 British tax on the American colonists. It was repealed on 
 March 17, 1766. 
1794 The U.S. Congress banned U.S. vessels from supplying 
 slaves to other countries. 
1841 Englishman Orlando Jones patented cornstarch. 
1872 Illinois became the first state to require sexual 
 equality in employment. 
1873 Slavery was abolished in Puerto Rico. 
1874 The Young Men's Hebrew Association was organized 
 in New York City. 
1882 The U.S. Congress outlawed polygamy. 
1895 Auguste and Louis Lumiere showed their first movie 
 to an invited audience in Paris. 
1901 Japan proclaimed that it was determined to keep Russia 
 from encroaching on Korea. 
1902 Great Britain and Persia agreed to link Europe and 
 India by telegraph. 
1903 Niagara Falls ran out of water due to a drought. 
1903 In Columbia, the region near Galera De Zamba was 
 devastated by a volcanic eruption. 
1904 The first color photograph was published in the London 
 Daily Illustrated Mirror. 
1905 Child miners in Britain received a maximum 
 8-hour workday. 
1907 Russians troops completed the evacuation of Manchuria 
 in the face of advancing Japanese forces. 
1907 In Paris, it was reported that male cab drivers 
 dressed as women to attract riders. 
1910 In Liberia, a telegraph cable linked Tenerife and Monrovia. 
1915 A German zeppelin made a night raid on Paris railway
1935 In New York, blood tests were authorized as evidence 
 in court cases. 
1935 Persia was renamed Iran. 
1941 The Grand Coulee Dam in Washington began operations. 
1943 The Dutch workweek was extended to 54 hours. 
1943 Obligatory work for woman ends in Belgium. 
1946 The first U.S. built rocket to leave the earth's 
 atmosphere reached a height of 50-miles. 
1948 The United States announced a land reform plan for Korea. 
1954 The first shopping mall opened in Southfield, Michigan. 
1960 A.L. Schawlow & C.H. Townes obtained a patent for the laser.
1965 U.S. confirmed that its troops used chemical warfare 
 against the Vietcong. 
1974 The Viet Cong proposed a new truce with the U.S. and 
 South Vietnam. The truce included general elections. 
1981 RCA put its Selectra Vision laser disc players 
 on the market. 
1987 A barge loaded with 32,000 tons of refuse left Islip, NY, 
 to find a place to unload. After being refused by several states 
 and three countries space was found back in Islip. 
1989 Oliver North began two days of testimony at his Iran-Contra 
 trial in Washington, DC. 
1990 A jury in Anchorage, Alaska, found Captain Hazelwood not 
 guilty in the Valdez oil spill. 
1991 Pamela Smart, a high school teacher, was found guilty in 
 New Hampshire of manipulating her student-lover to kill her husband. 
1992 A Fokker F-28 veered off a runway at New York's LaGuardia airport 
 and into Flushing Bay, killing 27 people. 
1993 Intel introduced the Pentium-processor (80586) 64 bits-
 60 MHz-100+ MIPS. 
1995 Russian cosmonaut Valeri Polyakov returned to Earth after 
 setting a record for 438 days in space. 
1997 Tara Lipinski, at 14 years and 10 months, became the youngest 
 women's world figure skating champion. 
2002 A collection of letters and cards sent by Princess Diana of 
 Wales sold for $33,000. The letters and cards were written to 
 a former housekeeper at Diana's teenage home.
2015  smiled.


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Does the current Windows Update take half an hour? Why? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, March 21
Happy Begin of Spring!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Oregon woman, who used cellphone
and hit 3 teen girls in crosswalk
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1525 Paris' parliament began its pursuit of Protestants. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity. --- Harlan Ellison (1934 - ) Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home. --- Bill Cosby (1937 - ) ______________________________________________________ >From Nanarina Regional Attitudes You may have heard on the news about a Southern California man who was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home. By Southern California standards, someone owning 100,000 rounds is considered "mentally unstable". In Michigan, he'd be called "The last white guy still living in Detroit". In Arizona, he'd be called "an avid gun collector". In Arkansas, he'd be called "a novice gun collector". In Utah and Florida he'd be called "moderately well prepared", but they'd probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of stored food. In Kansas, he'd be "A guy down the road you would want to have for a friend". In Montana, he'd be called "The neighborhood 'Go-To' guy". In Idaho, he'd be called "The gubernatorial candidate". In Georgia, he'd be called "an eligible bachelor". In North Carolina, Virginia, West Virginia, Mississippi, Tennessee, Kentucky, Alabama and South Carolina he would be called "a deer hunting buddy". And in Texas he'd just be "Bob, who's a little short on ammo." -- Limit all US politicians to two terms. One in office. One in prison ______________________________________________________ Morris needs a lawyer, so he grabs the yellow pages and picks out a law firm ---Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz & Schwartz. He calls up and says, "Is Mr. Schwartz in?" The man says, "No, he's out playing golf." Morris says, "All right, then let me speak to Mr. Schwartz." "He's not with the firm any more, he's retired." "Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz." "He's away in Boston, won't be back for a month." "Okay, then let me talk to the other Mr. Schwartz." He says, "Speaking!" ______________________________________________________ >From Clyde Click through for the big picture
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Elizabeth Rachel Dove 23 Gresham Oregon Oregon woman, who used cellphone and hit 3 teen girls in crosswalk Police have arrested a 23-year-old woman after she hit and injured three Centennial High School students in January as they crossed the street in a crosswalk in front of the school. Gresham police said Elizabeth Rachel Dove was recording video of herself with her cellphone Jan. 15 while driving when she hit the three freshmen girls. Police said her use of the cellphone while driving caused the crash. A grand jury indicted her on charges of third-degree assault, recklessly endangering and reckless driving. After her indictment, police arrested her March 4, booked her into jail with perfect glamor-shot make-up, including painted on eyebrows, and then released her. Using cellphones while driving is against the law unless the driver is using a “hands-free” device and is 18 and older. The three girls who were struck sustained broken bones but are expected to fully recover. The city has since installed flashing lights at the crosswalk where they were hit. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Christina Re: How long should a Windows update take? Dear Webby, How long should a Windows 7 update take? I heard at the office that it takes over half an hour this time. Is that true? And if it is true, why? Christina Dear Christina Yes, that is true. Budget 45 minutes, make sure you hit OK twice on the restart prompts, and go for a walk to some nice coffee shop. Why? Lots of stuff to fix in Windows, plus Adobe and Java also have urgent bug fixes. All that requires a few reboots, which, as you know, are very time consuming. Enjoy the walk in the spring air. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ >From Bob My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said, "I do." Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and my Mom said, "He better!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Add Hole To Hamburger Patties My son showed me how to keep my ground beef patties from swelling up like pillows. I am really old and didn't know this. I hope I am not the only one. When he cooks hamburgers he puts a thumb hole in the patty and it won't swell up. You don't have to keep smushing it down when it puffs up and this preserves the nice juices and you won't have dry burgers. It closes as it cooks so your burgers don't look like donuts when they are done. By Ms Marty Dick [151] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A teacher was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled 'put' or 'putt'?" she asked the instructor. "'Putt' is correct," he replied. "'Put' means to place a thing where you want it. 'Putt' means a klutzy but unsuccessful attempt to do the same thing." _____________________________________________________ George had minor surgery after a bad accident and gets on the bus one afternoon. He looks quite bedraggled and more like he had been in a bar fight than being hit by a cab, and is still a bit groggy from the anesthetic staggers up the aisle, and sits down next to an elderly woman. She looks George up and down and screeches at him: "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!" George jumps up out of his seat and shouts: "Hold it, driver. I'm on the wrong bus! I don't wanna go where SHE goes!" ____________________________________________________
My favorite is the baby Orangutan.

Today in 
1349 3,000 Jews were killed in Black Death riots in Efurt Germany. 
1556 Thomas Cranmer, the Archbishop of Canterbury, was burned at 
 the stake at Oxford after retracting the last of seven 
 recantations that same day. 
1788 Almost the entire city of New Orleans, LA, was destroyed 
 by fire. 856 buildings were destroyed. 
1804 The French civil code, the Code Napoleon, was adopted. 
1824 A fire at a Cairo ammunitions dump killed 4,000 horses. 
1851 Yosemite Valley was discovered in California. 
1857 An earthquake hit Tokyo killing about 107,000. 
1902 In New York, three Park Avenue mansions were destroyed 
 when a subway tunnel roof caved in. 
1908 A passenger was carried in a bi-plane for the first 
 time by Henri Farman of France. 
1909 Russia withdrew its support for Serbia and recognized 
 the Austrian annexation of Bosnia-Herzegovina. Serbia 
 accepted Austrian control over Bosnia-Herzegovina on 
 March 31, 1909. 
1928 U.S. President Calvin Coolidge gave the Congressional Medal of 
 Honor to Charles Lindbergh for his first trans-Atlantic flight. 
1934 A fire destroyed Hakodate, Japan, killing about 1,500. 
1945 During World War II, Allied bombers began four days of 
 bombing raids over Germany. 
1960 About 70 people were killed in Sharpeville, South Africa, 
 when police fired upon demonstrators. 
1963 Alcatraz Island, the federal penitentiary in San Francisco 
 Bay, CA, closed. 
1965 The U.S. launched Ranger 9. It was the last in a series 
 of unmanned lunar explorations. 
1971 Two U.S. platoons in Vietnam refused their orders to advance. 
1972 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that states could not require 
 one year of residency for voting eligibility. 
1974 An attempt was made to kidnap Princess Anne in London's 
 Pall Mall. 
1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced to the U.S. Olympic 
 Team that they would not participate in the 1980 Summer Games in 
 Moscow as a boycott against Soviet intervention in Afghanistan. 
1982 The United States, U.K. and other Western countries condemned 
 the Soviet intervention in Afghanistan. 
1984 A Soviet submarine crashed into the USS Kitty Hawk off the 
 coast of Japan. 
1985 Police in Langa, South Africa, opened fire on blacks marching 
to mark the 25th anniversary of the Sharpeville shootings. At least 
 21 demonstrators were killed. 
1990 Namibia became independent of South Africa. 
1991 The U.N. Security Council lifted the food embargo against Iraq. 
1994 Dudley Moore was arrested for hitting his girlfriend. 
1994 Wayne Gretzky tied Gordie Howe's NHL record of 801 goals. 
1994 Bill Gates of Microsoft and Craig McCaw of McCaw Cellular 
 Communications announced a $9 billion plan that would send 
 840 satellites into orbit to relay information around the globe. 
2002 In Paris, an 1825 print by French inventor Joseph Nicephore 
 Niepce was sold for $443,220. The print, of a man leading a horse, 
 was the earliest recorded image taken by photographic means. 
2015  smiled.


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Why is there no Windows 9? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, March 20
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida man, who stalked women while pantless
in his car
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1525 Paris' parliament began its pursuit of Protestants. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Martyrdom... is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) ______________________________________________________ A minister in a little church had been having trouble with the collections. One Sunday he announced, "Now, before we pass the collection plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the chickens from Farmer Condill's henhouse please refrain from giving any money to the Lord. The Lord doesn't want money from a thief!" The collection plate was passed around, and for the first time in months everybody gave. ______________________________________________________ The Cohens were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Cohen made it clear he was in a big hurry. "No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered. "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with." "I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?" Mr. Cohen turned to his wife... "Sarah, show him your tooth!." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Dillon Beach, California
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Wilfredo Nazario, 31, Kissimee Floriduh Florida man stalked women while pantless A Florida man exposed himself to jail time after allegedly flashing two women and stalking one of them. Wilfredo Nazario, 31, was arrested Monday afternoon in the parking lot of a 7-Eleven in Kissimmee, Florida, and charged with indecent public exposure and stalking, the Orlando Sentinel reports. One of the victims, a 29-year-old female, told Osceola County Sheriff's deputes that she was in her car at an intersection when a man later identified as Nazerio pulled up next to her in a white Toyota. The man was allegedly pantsless and began touching himself inappropriately, according to AroundOsceola.com. The victim said the suspect followed her all the way to a motel where she was staying and drove into the parking lot. She then asked motel staff to contact the authorities. "I was walking really fast because I was scared. Like, this guy is going to kill me," the unidentified victim told ClickOrlando.com. "He targeted me because... I saw him doing that." A second female called deputies after she spotted Nazario allegedly touching himself in his car in a 7-Eleven parking lot shortly after the first incident. "Both victims were very scared, especially the first one," Osceola County Sheriff's spokeswoman Twis Lizasuain told WFTV.com. Officers caught up with Nazerio a short time later, about three miles from the alleged flashing. He allegedly admitted to following the first victim, but denied exposing himself to anyone. Cops arrested Nazerio after both victims identified him. They booked him in Osceola County Jail, where he was held on $4,000 bond. He has since been released, according to jail records. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Frieda Re: Why is there no Windows 9 Dear Webby, Everybody talks about Windows 10 being the fix for the Windows 7 and Windows 8 mess. What happened to Windows 9? Frieda Dear Frieda During the days of Windows 95 and Windows 98, some sloppy programmer decided to use Windows 9x to differentiate it from Windows 3x. That is built in since then, deep down in the core, and nobody knows how to fix that. So Windows 9x is out. They COULD have called it 9.0 to get around that, but it did not occur to them. Possibly some religious reason in India or Pakistan, where most of the programmers are nowadays. Anyway, they decided to skip version 9 and jump to version 10. Version 10 will be available free as a fix for users of Version 7 and 8. However, if you have an XP machine, it won't work. Version 10 is way too big and klutzy to run on an XP machine. If you want to keep your XP machine, make sure you keep your XP CD in a safe place. You can't buy them any more, but if you have one, then you can format your drive and make it as fast as it was on day 1, or install a new hard drive and put XP onto that. Alternately, if speed is important, put Linux on it. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother, Mrs. Goldberg, he has fallen in love and is going to get married. He says to his mother, "Just for fun, Momma, tomorrow I'm going to bring three women to your house to meet you, and you can try and guess which one I'm going to marry." Of course, Mrs. Goldberg agrees. The next day he brings three beautiful women into his mother's house and sits them all down on her couch. They chat for a while with Mrs. Goldberg, who serves them coffee and pastries. That evening, after the three women have left Mrs. Goldberg's home, the son says, "Okay, Momma. Guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The redhead." "That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?" "I don't like her." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Carry Jewelry in Pill Case When taking a trip or going away from home, I use a pill case to stash my rings, earrings and necklaces. They stay safe and separated! By Donna [208] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ You don't stop laughing because you grow old, but your age gets mentioned when you stop laughing. _____________________________________________________ Daughter: Mom, Can I have some money for a new dress? Mother: Go ask your father, dear. You are getting married in a month and you need the practise. ____________________________________________________
Life aboard the Space Station

Today in 
0141 The 6th recorded perihelion passage of Halley's Comet
1413 Henry V took the throne of England upon the death of 
 his father Henry IV. 
1525 Paris' parliament began its pursuit of Protestants. 
1602 The United Dutch East Indian Company (VOC) was formed. 
1616 Walter Raleigh was released from Tower of London to 
 seek gold in Guyana. 
1627 France & Spain signed an accord for fighting Protestantism. 
1739 In India, Nadir Shah of Persia occupied Delhi and took 
 possession of the Peacock throne. 
1760 The great fire of Boston destroyed 349 buildings. 
1792 In Paris, the Legislative Assembly approved the use of 
 the guillotine. 
1800 French army defeated the Turks at Helipolis, Turkey, 
 and advanced into Cairo. 
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte entered Paris after his escape from 
 Elba and began his "Hundred Days" rule. 
1852 Harriet Beecher Stowe’s book "Uncle Tom’s Cabin," 
 subtitled "Life Among the Lowly," was first published. 
1865 A plan by John Wilkes Booth to abduct U.S. President 
 Abraham Lincoln was ruined when Lincoln changed his plans 
 and did not appear at the Soldier’s Home near Washington, DC. 
1868 Jesse James Gang robbed a bank in Russelville, KY, of $14,000. 
1883 The Unity treaty of Paris was signed to protect industrial 
 property. 
1885 John Matzeliger of Suriname patented the shoe lacing 
 machine. 
1886 The first AC power plant in the U.S. began commercial 
 operation. 
1891 The first computing scale company was incorporated in 
 Dayton, OH. 
1896 U.S. Marines landed in Nicaragua to protect U.S. 
 citizens in the wake of a revolution. 
1899 At Sing Sing prison, Martha M. Place became the first woman 
 to be executed in the electric chair. She was put to death for 
 the murder of her stepdaughter. 
1906 In Russia, army officers mutiny at Sevastopol. 
1915 The French called off the Champagne offensive on the 
 Western Front. 
1918 The Bolsheviks of the Soviet Union asked for American aid 
 to rebuild their army. 
1922 U.S. President Warren G. Harding ordered U.S. troops back 
 from the Rhineland. 
1922 The USS Langley was commissioned. It was the first aircraft 
 carrier for the U.S. Navy. 
1932 The German dirigible, Graf Zepplin, made the first flight to 
 South America on regular schedule. 
1933 The first German concentration camp was completed at Dachau. 
1934 Rudolf Kuhnold gave a demonstration of radar in Kiel Germany. 
1940 The British Royal Air Force conducted an all-night air raid 
 on the Nazi airbase at Sylt, Germany. 
1943 The Allies attacked Field Marshall Erwin Rommel's forces on 
 the Mareth Line in North Africa. 
1947 A blue whale weighing 180-metric tons was caught in the 
 South Atlantic. 
1952 The U.S. Senate ratified a peace treaty with Japan. 
1956 Mount Bezymianny on Kamchatka Peninsula (USSR) exploded. 
1964 The ESRO (European Space Research Organization) was 
 established. 
1965 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson orders 4,000 troops to 
 protect the Selma-Montgomery civil rights marchers. 
1969 U.S. Senator Edward Kennedy called on the U.S. to close 
 all bases in Taiwan. 
1976 Patricia Hearst was convicted of armed robbery for her role 
 in the hold up of a San Francisco Bank. 
1981 Argentine ex-president Isabel Peron was sentenced to eight 
 years in a convent. 
1982 U.S. scientists' return from Antarctica with the first land 
 mammal fossils found there. 
1984 The U.S. Senate rejected an amendment to permit spoken 
 prayer in public schools. 
1985 Libby Riddles won the 1,135-mile Anchorage-to-Nome dog race 
 becoming the first woman to win the Iditarod. 
1990 Namibia became an independent nation ending 75 years of 
 South African rule. 
1990 Imelda Marcos, widow of ex-Philippines dictator Ferdinand 
 Marcos, went on trial for racketeering, embezzlement and bribery. 
1991 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled unanimously that employers could 
 not exclude women from jobs where exposure to toxic chemicals could 
 potentially damage a fetus. 
1991 The U.S. forgave $2 billion in loans to Poland. 
1995 About 35,000 Turkish troops crossed the northern border of Iraq 
 in pursuit of the separatist rebels of the Kurdistan Workers Party (PKK). 
1995 In Tokyo, 12 people were killed and more than 5,500 others 
 were sickened when packages containing the nerve gas Sarin was 
 released on five separate subway trains. The terrorists belonged 
 to a doomsday cult in Japan. 
1996 The U.K. announced that humans could catch CJD (Mad Cow Disease). 
2000 Former Black Panther Jamil Abdullah Al-Amin, once known as 
 H. Rap Brown, was captured following a shootout that left a sherriff's 
 deputy dead. 
2002 Actress Pamela Anderson disclosed that she had hepatitis C. 
2002 Arthur Andersen pled innocent to charges that it had shredded 
 documents and deleted computer files related to the energy company Enron. 
2003 Cisco Systems Inc. announced it was buying The Linksys Group INc. 
 for $500 million in stock. 
2003 U.S. and British forces invaded Iraq from Kuwait.
2015  smiled.


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Should you wait for Windows 10? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 19

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
KJentucky home owner, who was found to have
Five stolen barrels of Wild Turkey bourbon
in his house.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1969 British invaded Anguilla.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Most people have seen worse things in private than they pretend to be shocked at in public. --- Edgar Watson Howe (1853 - 1937) ______________________________________________________ When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at. ______________________________________________________ On a balmy day in the South Pacific, a navy ship spied smoke coming from one of three huts on an island they thought was deserted. Upon arriving at the shore they were met by a survivor. He said, "I'm so glad you're here! I've been alone on this island for more than three years!" The captain of the ship replied, "But we saw THREE huts." The survivor said, "Oh. We'll, I live in one, and go to church in another." "What about the THIRD hut?" asked the captain. "That's where I USED to go to church." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Danakil Depression
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gilbert Curtsinger, 45 Frankfort Kentucky Five stolen barrels of Wild Turkey bourbon recovered in Kentucky Kentucky police said an anonymous tip led them to five stolen barrels of Wild Turkey bourbon at a home where they also found 25 guns and a stash of steroids. Franklin County Sheriff Pat Melton said the Frankfort home of Gilbert Curtsinger, 45, was searched Wednesday after deputies received anonymous information from the "Text-A-Tip" line. Investigators discovered five barrels of Wild Turkey bourbon, 25 guns and a large amount of anabolic steroids in the home. Melton said the barrels are believed to have been stolen from the Wild Turkey distillery in Lawrenceburg. He said each barrel was worth an estimated $3,500-$6,000. "We have a lot of different cases that we work, and nothing seems to surprise me anymore, but five full whole barrels, straight from a distillery, yeah, that's a little surprising," Melton told WLKY-TV. The sheriff's office said Wild Turkey is cooperating with the investigation. "We will work in full cooperation with the Franklin County Sheriff's Office regarding their current investigation. We thank the authorities for their efforts on this case and have immediately begun our own internal investigation," Wild Turkey officials said in a statement. Melton said Curtsinger works at the Buffalo Trace Distillery, where about $25,000 worth of Pappy Van Winkle bourbon was stolen in October 2013. He said detectives are looking into whether the cases are connected. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Carla Re: Wait for Windows 10 Dear Webby, My XP computer is getting too old and slow. Should I get Windows 7, Windows 8 or wait for Windows 10? Thanks Carla Dear Carla Just optimize the machine with the programs I have mentioned a bunch of times, defragment it, and make it last a bit longer. XP updates are still comming through every month, plus if you have McAfee and MalwareBytes, you are safe anyway. Windows 10 is still flakey, but soon Windows 10.1 should be available. It is free as a fix for Windows 7 and Windows 8, but you will get it with a new machine anyway. There they pay the computer vendors for putting it onto the machine. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ >From Aldo AS PART of an effort at Fort Sill, Okla., to improve relations with the surrounding community, my unit held a car wash in the parking lot of a downtown business, with the profits to go to local charities. Volunteers received three-day passes, so there was no shortage of manpower, and we all decided to wear our camouflage uniforms to clearly identify us as soldiers. But it never occurred to us that the purpose of the "Company C Charity Car Wash" might be misunderstood until we overheard a man telling his wife, "These defense cutbacks must be really serious!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hook Keychain Ring to Zipper If you have kids, you know their zippers are always coming down on certain pants. Hook a keychain ring on the part with the little hole on the zipper pull. Zip it up and hook it over the button and do up the button. No more flying low. By coville123 [322] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ >From Chuck Security and peace of mind were part of the reason we moved to a gated community. Both flew out the window the night I called a local pizza shop for a delivery. "I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza, please," I said, then gave him the address of our condominium. "We'll be there in about half an hour," the kid at the other end replied. "Your gate code is still 1238, right?" _____________________________________________________ One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold. An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned 1-1/2 hours later with a bloody nose and a black eye. "Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked. "No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake." ____________________________________________________
Drone explores Hang Son Doong, world's largest cave in Vietnam.

Today in 
1571 Spanish troops occupied Manila. 
1644 200 members of the Peking imperial family/court 
 committed suicide. 
1687 French explorer La Salle was murdered by his own men 
 while searching for the mouth of the Mississippi River, 
 in the Gulf of Mexico. 
1702 Upon the death of William III of Orange, Anne Stuart, 
 the sister of Mary, succeeds to the throne of England, 
 Scotland and Ireland. 
1748 The English Naturalization Act passed granting Jews 
 right to colonize in the U.S. 
1831 The first bank robbery in America was reported. The 
 City Bank of New York City lost $245,000 in the robbery. 
1866 The immigrant ship Monarch of the Seas sank in Liverpool 
 killing 738. 
1900 U.S. President McKinley asserted that there was a need 
 for free trade with Puerto Rico. 
1900 Archeologist Arthur John Evans began the excavation of 
 Knossos Palace in Greece. 
1903 The U.S. Senate ratified the Cuban treaty, gaining 
 naval bases in Guantanamo and Bahia Honda. 
1908 The state of Maryland barred Christian Scientists 
 from practicing without medical diplomas. 
1918 The U.S. Congress approved Daylight-Saving Time. 
1918 A German seaplane was shot down for the first time 
 by an American pilot. 
1920 The U.S. Senate rejected the Versailles Treaty for 
 the second time maintaining an isolation policy. 
1931 The state of Nevada legalized gambling. 
1940 The French government of Daladier fell. 
1945 About 800 people were killed as Japanese kamikaze 
 planes attacked the U.S. carrier Franklin off Japan. 
1945 Adolf Hitler issued his "Nero Decree" which ordered 
 the destruction of German facilities that could fall into 
 Allied hands as German forces were retreating. 
1947 Chiang Kai-Shek's government forces took control of 
 Yenan, the former headquarters of the Chinese Communist Party. 
1949 The Soviet People's Council signed the constitution of the 
 German Democratic Republic, and declared that the 
 North Atlantic Treaty was merely a war weapon. 
1954 Viewers saw the first televised prize fight shown in color 
 when Joey Giardello knocked out Willie Tory in round seven at 
 Madison Square Garden in New York City. 
1954 The first rocket-driven sled that ran on rails was tested 
 in Alamogordo, NM. 
1963 In Costa Rica, U.S. President John F. Kennedy and six 
 Latin American presidents pledged to fight Communism. 
1964 Sean Connery began shooting his role in "Goldfinger." 
1965 Indonesia nationalized all foreign oil companies. 
1969 British invaded Anguilla. 
1972 India and Bangladesh signed a friendship treaty. 
1976 Buckingham Palace announced the separation of 
 Princess Margaret and her husband, the Earl of Snowdon, 
 after 16 years of marriage. 
1977 France performed a nuclear test at Muruora Island. 
1981 During a test of the space shuttle Columbia two 
 workers were injured and one was killed. 
1981 The Buffalo Sabres set an NHL record when they 
 scored 9 goals in one period against Toronto. 
1984 A Mobile oil tanker spilled 200,000 gallons into 
 the Columbia River. 
1985 IBM announced that it was planning to stop making the 
 PCjr consumer-oriented computer. 
1987 Televangelist Jim Bakker resigned from the PTL due to 
 a scandal involving Jessica Hahn. 
1988 Two British soldiers were killed by mourners at a 
 funeral in Belfast, North Ireland. The soldiers were shot 
 to death after being dragged from a car and beaten. 
1990 Latvia's political opposition claimed victory in the 
 republic's first free elections in 50 years. 
1994 The largest omelet in history was made with 160,000 
 eggs in Yokohama, Japan. 
1998 The World Health Organization warned of tuberculosis 
 epidemic that could kill 70 million people in next two decades. 
1999 53 people were killed and dozens were injured when a 
 bomb exploded in a market place in southern Russia. 
2001 California officials declared a power alert and ordered the 
 first of two days of rolling blackouts. 
2002 Operation Anaconda, the largest U.S.-led ground offensive 
 since the Gulf War, ended in eastern Afghanistan. During the 
 operation, which began on March 2, it was reported that at 
 least 500 Taliban and al Qaeda fighters were killed. Eleven 
 allied troops were killed during the same operation. 
2003 U.S. President George W. Bush announced that U.S. forces 
 had launched a strike against "targets of military opportunity" 
 in Iraq. The attack, using cruise missiles and precision-guided 
 bombs, were aimed at Iraqi leaders thought to be near Baghdad.
2015  smiled.


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Sending files via FaceBook 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wenesday, March 18

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Minnesota man, who stole back Christmas
gift he gave neighbors
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1673 Lord Berkley sold his half of New Jersey to the Quakers 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless. --- Thomas A. Edison (1847 - 1931) ______________________________________________________ It's official: Rap music does cause crime. Research shows that in over half the shootings that occur on our street, the gunman is aiming at the boombox. ______________________________________________________ The tourist was admiring the Native's necklace. "What is it made of?" she asked. "Alligator's teeth," he replied. "I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us." "Actually", he replied, "here the alligator hunters get paid more than the oyster cutters at the packing plant." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Cameron Falls in Alberta
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alfred Joseph Guercio, 54, Burnsville, Minnesota Man Stole Christmas Gift He Gave Neighbors A Minnesota man broke into a neighbor’s home to take back a set of knives he gave as a Christmas present because he believed the recipients “did not appreciate” the gift, police allege. According to cops, Alfred Joseph Guercio, 54, last Wednesday night forced his way into a neighboring residence in Burnsville, a city about 15 miles south of Minneapolis. Before bum-rushing the home, Guercio argued at the front door with a female resident “about the knife set,” according to a probable cause statement. Guercio, cops noted, was upset that the woman “did not appreciate the knife set and wanted it back.” After telling Guercio that she would retrieve the knives, the woman tried to close her door. Guercio, however, placed his foot in the door, rebuffing her several attempts to shut it. Guercio then allegedly pushed his way into the house, shoved the woman, and swiped the knife set. During subsequent police questioning, Guercio said that he had given the knives to his neighbors as a gift and “was upset that she was not using the knives in the way they had agreed for her to use them and he wanted them back.” Guercio admitted entering the home after the woman “slammed the door in his face” because he “felt like she wasn’t going to get the knives.” The court filing does not indicate how Guercio thought the knives were to be used. Pictured above, Guercio was charged with felony burglary, which carries a maximum 10-year prison term. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Gary Re: Sending files via FB Dear Webby, I am trying to send some music to a friend, but FB calims it is too big. What do you suggest? Gary Dear Gary Just use Skype. I have never run up against any file size limits with Skype in the 15 years, that I have been using it. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A wife and husband both talked in their sleep.She loved auctions; his hobby was golf. One night, the golfer yelled, "Fore!". His wife yelled back, "Four and a quarter!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Damp Cloth Keeps Cutting Board from Slipping In order to keep the cutting board from sliding around while slicing potatoes, put a slightly damp washcloth under it. Here I am perilously close to a hundred and I didn't know this! Source: My son, Steve showed me this one. By Marty Dick [150] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Tom had won a toy at a raffle. He called his 5 kids together to ask which one should have the present. "Who is the most obedient?" he asked. The children all stared back at him in silence. Then he asked, "Who never talks back to mother?" Again the kids appeared to be mystified by the question. Then Tom asked, "Who does everything she says?" With that question, the kids were finally able to come to a conclusion. The five small voices answered in unison, "Okay, dad, you get the toy." _____________________________________________________ An English professor announced to the class; "There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is "gross" and the other is "cool." From the back of the room a voice called out, "So, what are these gross and cool words? ____________________________________________________
These ice sculptures are magnificent!

Today in 
0037 The Roman Senate annuls Tiberius’ will and proclaims 
 Caligula emperor. 
1190 Crusaders killed 57 Jews in Bury St. Edmonds England. 
1532 The English parliament banned payments by English 
 church to Rome. 
1541 Hernando de Soto observed the first recorded flood 
 of the Mississippi River. 
1673 Lord Berkley sold his half of New Jersey to the Quakers 
1813 David Melville patented the gas streetlight. 
1834 The first railroad tunnel in the U.S. was completed. 
 The work was in Pennsylvania. 
1850 Henry Wells & William Fargo founded American Express. 
1874 Hawaii signed a treaty giving exclusive trading rights 
 with the islands to the U.S. 
1891 Britain became linked to the continent of Europe 
 by telephone. 
1899 Phoebe, a moon of the planet Saturn, was discovered. 
1902 In Turkey, the Sultan granted a German syndicate the 
 first concession to access Baghdad by rail. 
1903 France dissolved the Catholic religious orders. 
1909 Einar Dessau of Denmark used a short wave transmitter 
 to become the first person to broadcast as a "ham" operator. 
1911 Theodore Roosevelt opened the Roosevelt Dam in Arizona.
 It was the largest dam in the U.S. at the time. 
1916 Russia countered the Verdun assault with an attack at 
 Lake Naroch. The Russians lost 100,000 men and the 
 Germans lost 20,000. 
1921 The steamer "Hong Koh" ran aground off of Swatow China. 
 Over 1,000 people were killed. 
1931 Schick Inc. displayed the first electric shaver. 
1938 Mexico took control of all foreign-owned oil properties on its soil. 
1938 New York first required serological blood tests of pregnant women. 
1945 1,250 U.S. bombers attacked Berlin. 
1949 The North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) was ratified. 
1950 Nationalist troops landed on the mainland of China and capture 
 Communist held Sungmen. 
1952 In Philadelphia, PA, the first plastic lenses were fitted 
 for a cataract patient. 
1954 RKO Pictures was sold for $23,489,478 to Howard Hughes.
1965 Cosmonaut Alexei Leonov became the first man to spacewalk 
 when he left the Voskhod II space capsule while in orbit around 
 the Earth. He was outside the spacecraft for about 20 minutes. 
1966 Scott Paper began selling paper dresses for $1. 
1968 The U.S. Congress repealed the requirement for a gold reserve. 
1969 U.S. President Nixon authorizes Operation Menue. It was the 
 ‘secret’ bombing of Cambodia. 
1971 U.S. helicopters airlifted 1,000 South Vietnamese soldiers 
 out of Laos. 
1974 Most of the Arab oil-producing nations ended their five-month 
 embargo against the United States, Europe and Japan. 
1975 Saigon abandoned most of the Central Highlands of Vietnam to Hanoi. 
1975 The Kurds ended their fight against Iraq. 
1981 The U.S. disclosed that there were biological weapons 
 tested in Texas in 1966. 
1989 A 4,400-year-old mummy was discovered at the Pyramid of 
 Cheops in Egypt. 
1990 The first free elections took place in East Germany. 
1992 Leona Hemsly was sentenced to 4 years in prison for tax evasion. 
1992 White South Africans voted for constitutional reforms 
 that would give legal equality to blacks. 
1994 Zsa Zsa Gabor filed for bankruptcy. 
1997 A Russian AN-24 crashed killing 50 people. 
2015  smiled.


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Bigger Clock 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 17

Happy St Patrick's Day!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Two Floriduh shoplifters abandoned their  3 kids locked
into a car in the Walmart parking lot

Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1776 British forces evacuated Boston to Nova Scotia 
 during the Revolutionary War. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Only the shallow know themselves. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) This is like deja vu all over again. --- Yogi Berra (1925 - ) ______________________________________________________ Daniel walks into a dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse me, can you help me? I think I'm a moth." "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist." "Yes, I know." "So, why did you come in here?" "The light was on." ______________________________________________________ In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture The Rock of Cashel, in South Tipperary, Ireland is known as “St. Patrick’s Rock”.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tosheba Hope, 30, and Gerald Moultrie, 24, Lauderdale Lakes, Florida Walmart Shoplifters Left Kids In Vehicle -After getting arrested last night for shoplifting at Walmart, a Florida couple failed to mention that their three young children were alone in a locked car in the store’s parking lot, where the youngsters were discovered seven hours after the pair’s jailing. According to investigators, Tosheba Hope, 30, and Gerald Moultrie, 24, drove last night to a Walmart in Lauderdale Lakes. They were accompanied by Hope’s three children (ages two, five, and seven). Moultrie is the father of Hope's youngest child. Around 7 PM, Hope and Moultrie, pictured above, were detained after they allegedly sought to walk out of the retailer with $660 worth of tools and automotive accessories, according to a police report. The couple was subsequently arrested by Broward Sheriff’s Office deputies and charged with grand theft, a felony. After Hope and Moultrie were booked into the county jail, seven hours passed before investigators learned that their three children had been abandoned in the parking lot (Walmart workers spotted the minors and called 911). Deputies located the minors around 2 AM and turned them over to child welfare officials. While distressed, the children were unharmed. In addition to the felony theft rap, the couple is also expected to face child neglect charges. According to court records, Moultrie’s rap sheet includes previous arrests for marijuana possession and driving without a license. During a court appearance this morning, Hope told a judge that she is “probably pregnant” with her fourth child. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ben Re: Bigger clock Dear Webby, the tiny clock in the right bottom corner is too small for my eyes, and there is no way to adjust it's size. All the cute "gadget" clocks are a No-No, because they come with built in hijackers, that take advantage of a big hole, that Microsoft left in there. Yeah, I know. Found out the hard way. What do you use? Ben Dear Ben I use ALARM, a very tiny and perfectly clean little program from http://bluefive.pair.com/alarm.htm It does not go outside and call in the time and hijackers, it just uses the system time, that your machine already has. It looks like a small digital alarm clock: You can use the built in sound, or load any music file you want. You can also select the font and a few other preferences. If you use Arial, 72 point, the time shows in 5/8" size numbers. You can, of course use any size you want. After that, you simply set the time for the alarm to go off. Until that time, it just quietly displays the time. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Angel Winks from http://angelwinks.net for this one: A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But a new express- way bypass meant an alarming increase in traffic. In fact, it was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three a day. So he called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens." So the next day the sheriff went out and put up a sign that read: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING Three days later the farmer called again and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The School Crossing sign seems to make them go faster." So, again, the sheriff went out and put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY No good. So the farmer calls again...and again, everyday for three weeks, but the sheriff just doesn't have time to put up signs every week. Finally, the telephone calls stop and the sheriff becomes very curious. So he drives out to the farmer's house, and just beyond the jam of VERY slow moving traffict he sees a new black sign. Written in large yellow letters on it are the words: NUDIST COLONY ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com TV Dinner Trays As Drawer Organizers I always thought that the trays your t.v. dinner comes in could be useful for something. Then it came to me, drawer organizers! We all have messy drawers, in the kitchen, bathroom, bedroom.... These trays are just so perfect for organizing things. Not only are they free, they make your drawers look so nice! By melissa [99] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A wife chewed out her husband at the company picnic a while back. "Doesn't it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times?" "Not a bit," the husband replied. "I just tell them I'm filling up the plate for you." _____________________________________________________ ===Thanks to Roland for this one: Dear Friends and Relatives: We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee to raise five thousand dollars for a monument of Bill Clinton. We originally wanted to put him on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enough room for two more faces. We then decided to erect a statue of Bill Clinton in the Washington, D.C. Hall of Fame. We were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed. It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside Jessie Jackson, who never told the truth, since Bill Clinton could never tell the difference. We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest Democrat of them all. He left not knowing where he was going, did not know where he was, returned not knowing where he had been, and did it all on someone else's money. If you are one of the fortunate people who have anything left after taxes, we expect a generous contribution to this worthwhile project. Thank you, Bill Clinton Monument Committee PS: In six months of dedicated fundraising we have already collected a whopping $1.35 so far! ____________________________________________________
Amsterdam Light Festival

Today in 
0461 Bishop Patrick, St. Patrick, died in Saul. Ireland 
 celebrates this day in his honor.
1756 St. Patrick's Day was celebrated in New York City 
 for the first time. The event took place at the Crown 
 and Thistle Tavern. 
1776 British forces evacuated Boston to Nova Scotia 
 during the Revolutionary War. 
1884 In Otay, California, John Joseph Montgomery made the 
 first manned, controlled, heavier-than-air glider flight 
 in the United States. 
1886 20 Blacks were killed in the Carrollton Massacre in 
 Mississippi. 
1891 The British steamer Utopia sank off the coast of 
 Gibraltar. 
1909 In France, the communications industry was paralyzed 
 by strikes. 
1910 The Camp Fire Girls organization was founded by Luther 
 and Charlotte Gulick. It was formally presented to the 
 public exactly 2 years later. 
1914 Russia increased the number of active duty military 
 from 460,000 to 1,700,000. 
1930 Al Capone was released from jail. 
1944 During World War II, the U.S. bombed Vienna. 
1950 Scientists at the University of California at Berkeley 
 announced that they had created a new radioactive element. 
 They named it "californium". It is also known as element 98. 
1958 The Vanguard 1 satellite was launched by the U.S. 
1959 The Dalai Lama (Lhama Dhondrub, Tenzin Gyatso) fled Tibet 
 and went to India. 
1962 Moscow asked the U.S. to pull out of South Vietnam. 
1966 A U.S. submarine found a missing H-bomb in the 
 Mediterranean off of Spain. 
1970 The U.S. Army charged 14 officers with suppression of 
 facts in the My Lai massacre case. 
1973 The first American prisoners of war (POWs) were released 
 from the "Hanoi Hilton" in Hanoi, North Vietnam. 
1982 In El Salvador, four Dutch television crewmembers were 
 killed by government troops. 
1985 U.S. President Reagan agreed to a joint study with 
 Canada on acid rain. 
1989 A series of solar flares caused a violent magnetic storm 
 that brought power outages over large regions of Canada. 
1992 In Buenos Aires, 10 people were killed in a suicide 
 car-bomb attack against the Israeli embassy. 
1999 A panel of medical experts concluded that marijuana had 
 medical benefits for people suffering from cancer and AIDS. 
1999 The International Olympic Committee expelled six of its 
 members in the wake of a bribery scandal. 
2000 In Kanungu, Uganda, a fire at a church linked to the 
 cult known as the Movement for the Restoration of the 
 Ten Commandments killed more than 530. On March 31, officials 
 set the number of deaths linked to the cult at more than 900 
 after authorities subsequently found mass graves at various 
 sites linked to the cult. 
2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 800 million applications 
 downloaded.
2015  smiled.


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Registry Programs 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, March 16

Thank you, Virginia!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
illegal Immigrant, who used a silicon mask for a bank robbery
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1190 The Crusaders began the massacre of Jews in York, England. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur. --- Doug Larson ______________________________________________________ When Kevin came home, his wife, Liz, was crying. "Your mother insulted me," Liz sobbed. "My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the world?" Kevin asked. "I know. But this morning a letter from her addressed to you and marked "Confidential" arrived. I opened it because I was curious." "And?" "At the end of the letter it said, 'PS. Dear Liz, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to Kevin.'" ______________________________________________________ This is a Classic from 2001: Hello Mr Saddam," a heavily Irish accented voice says, "This is Paddy down in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that I am officially declaring war on you!!" "Well, Paddy," Saddam replies, "This is indeed important news! Tell me, how big is your army?" "At this moment in time," says Paddy, after a moments calculation, "there's myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbour Gerry and the entire dominoes team from the pub - that makes 8!" Saddam sighs and says, "I must tell you Paddy that I have more than a million men in my army waiting to move on my word." "Oh sh**!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, the next day Paddy rings back. "Right Mr Sadham, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!" "What equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asks. "Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Murphy's tractor from the farm." Once more Saddam sighs and says "I must tell you Paddy that I have 16 thousand tanks, 2 thousand mine layers, 14 thousand armoured cars and my army has increased to 1 and a half million since we last spoke." "Bejaize!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Right Mr Sadham, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've kitted out old Ted's cropsprayer with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit .... and the bridge team have joined us as well!" Once more Saddam sighs and says, "I must tell you Paddy that I have 10 thousand bombers and 20 thousand MIG 109 high manoeuvrability attack planes and my military complex is surrounded by laser guided surface to air missile sites. Oh! By the way, since we last spoke, my army has increased to 2 million." "Oh blarney!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Right Mr Sadham, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war." "I'm very sorry to hear that" says Saddam "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," says Paddy "We've all had a chat and there's no way we can feed 2 million prisoners!" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Benoit Constant 28, Charlotte North Carolina Police Arrest Bank Robbery Suspect, Who Wore Lifelike Old Guy Mask During Armed Stickup Police have arrested a suspect in the robbery of a North Carolina bank that was stuck up by a gunman wearing a lifelike silicone mask that made him appear to be an elderly white man. Benoit Constant, 28, was arrested following a traffic stop Sunday in Texas. Investigators allege that Constant wore the disguise during the December 29 robbery of the Carolinas Telco Federal Credit Union in Cornelius, a town about 20 miles north of Charlotte. Police probing the robbery traced the license plate of a minivan spotted outside the bank to a female relative of Constant. A subsequent search of the vehicle turned up the silicone mask worn by the bank robber as well as the striped bag he carried. In addition to facing a pair of felony charges, Constant is also being held on a federal immigration detainer, according to jail records. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rolly Re: Registry Optimizer Dear Webby, Advance Registry Optimizer: Is this something one should have, or not: Rolly Dear Rolly If you got PC-Mechanic and SmartFix, then that program is about as necessary as an ex-mother-in law in the back seat. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Bob went over to his friend Joe's house and was amazed at how well Joe treated his wife. He often told her how attractive she was, complimented her on her cooking and showered her with hugs and kisses. "Gee," Bob remarked later, "you really make a big fuss over your wife". "I started to appreciate her more about six months ago," Joe said. "It has revived our marriage and we couldn't be happier." Inspired, Bob hurried home, hugged his wife and told her how much he loved her and said he wanted to hear all about her day. But she burst into tears. "Honey," Bob said, "whats' the matter?". "This has been the worst day," she replied. "This morning Billy fell off his bike and broke his ankle, then the washing machine broke. Now to top it off, you come home drunk !" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cool Bathroom Shelving Recently, I moved into a home that had 2 white shelves leaning up against the wall. There was a perfect space in front of a window, but I didn't have the ability to use brackets. I went to a thrift shop and got 4 cups, all the same height. I used them for shelf supports. My bathroom is red and black and white so I stayed with those colors. They turned out nice and are easy to move, leaving no holes in anyone's walls. N-JOY! By Sandi/Poor But Proud [418] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ This country is so full of opportunity. Where else can a woman hire another woman to do her housework so that she can volunteer at the Day Care Center where the cleaning woman leaves her child? And have it all paid for by Social Services? _____________________________________________________ Plumber to wife of would-be handyman: "To ensure properly functioning plumbing, keep foreign objects out of your sinks and tubs, flush soap suds away with hot water -- and above all, hide your husband's wrenches." ____________________________________________________
Winter Waltz In Austria

Today in 
1190 The Crusaders began the massacre of Jews in York, England. 
1521 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan reached the 
 Philippines. He was killed the next month by natives. 
1527 The Emperor Babur defeated the Rajputs at the Battle 
 of Kanvaha in India. 
1621 Samoset walked into the settlement of Plymouth Colony, 
 later Plymouth, MA. Samoset was a native from the Monhegan 
 tribe in Maine who spoke English. 
1871 The State of Delaware enacted the first fertilizer law. 
1907 The world's largest cruiser, the British Invincible was 
 completed at Glasgow. 
1908 China released the Japanese steamship Tatsu Maru. 
1909 Cuba suffered its first revolt only six weeks after 
 the inauguration of Gomez. 
1913 The 15,000-ton battleship Pennsylvania was launched 
 at Newport News, VA. 
1917 Russian Czar Nicholas II abdicated his throne. 
1926 Physicist Robert H. Goddard launched the first 
 liquid-fuel rocket. 
1928 The U.S. planned to send 1,000 more Marines to Nicaragua. 
1935 Adolf Hitler ordered a German rearmament and violated 
 the Versailles Treaty. 
1939 Germany occupied the rest of Czechoslovakia. 
1945 Iwo Jima was declared secure by the Allies. However, 
 small pockets of Japanese resistance still existed. 
1947 Martial law was withdrawn in Tel Aviv. 
1950 Congress voted to remove federal taxes on oleomargarine. 
1968 U.S. troops in Vietnam destroyed a village consisting 
 mostly of women and children. The event is known as the 
 My-Lai massacre. 
1988 Mickey Thompson and his wife Trudy were shot to death in 
 their driveway. Thompson, known as the "Speed King," set 
 nearly 500 auto speed endurance records including being the 
 first person to travel more than 400 mph on land. 
1993 In France, ostrich meat was officially declared fit for 
 human consumption. 
1994 Tonya Harding pled guilty in Portland, OR, to conspiracy 
 to hinder prosecution for covering up the attack on her skating 
 rival Nancy Kerrigan. She was fined $100,000. She was also 
 banned from amateur figure skating. 
1998 Rwanda began mass trials for 1994 genocide with 125,000 
 suspects for 500,000 murders. 
1999 The 20 members of the European Union's European Commission 
 announced their resignations amid allegations of corruption 
 and financial mismanagement.
2015  smiled.


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His address is not working 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, March 15

Ides of March

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Arizona Teacher, who Smoked Pot With Students, 
Sent Nude Photos
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 


More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends. --- Baltasar Gracian ______________________________________________________ The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "He's probably a basketball coach." ______________________________________________________ There was an old country preacher who had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought along the line of choosing a profession. Like many young men, then and now, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do- and he didn't seem overly concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. What he did was, he went into the entrance and placed on the hat table these three objects: a Bible, a silver dollar, and a bottle of whiskey. "Now then," the old preacher said to himself, "I'll just hide behind the door here, and when my son comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which of these three objects he picks up. If he picks up the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be o.k. too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a drunkard - a no-good drunkard and Lord, what a shame that would be." The old man was anxious as he waited, and soon he heard his son's footsteps as he came in the house whistling. He deposited his books on the hat table, as a matter of routine, and as he turned around to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With a curious set in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. What he finally did was, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink. "Lord have mercy," the old man whispered, "He's gonna be a politician!" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Rainbow over Carlingford Lough
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joseph James Pagel, 33, Bullhead City, Arizona Teacher Smoked Pot With Students, Sent Nude Photos A high school teacher in Bullhead City, Arizona smoked marijuana with students, and sent nude photos and sexually explicit texts to one of them, police allege. Joseph James Pagel, 33, a math teacher at Mohave High School, was arrested Friday by Bullhead City Police after an investigation that began earlier this month. A female student had come forward with explicitly sexual texts allegedly sent by Pagel, according to ABC15.com. The text messages include a request to perform oral sex. Pagel also allegedly sent two nude photos via text. Police said Pagel also received a partially nude photo of the student, according to the Havasu News. Detectives interviewed several students and said there was evidence the suspect had gotten high with students in his home. On multiple occasions Pagel allegedly gave students pills that were believed to be Percocet while on school grounds, AZCentral reports. Pagel is facing charges of attempted sexual conduct with a minor, furnishing harmful items to minors, electronic furnishing of harmful items to minors, luring a minor and transfer of marijuana, according to Fox 5 Las Vegas. Pagel is currently on administrative duty pending resolution of the charges. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: James Re: Address not working Dear Webby, I just received a phone call from a client. My email address on my web site does not forward to my ....@shaw.ca address. It doesn’t work. Please fix ASAP. James Dear James 99% of the time the cause of that is a lame excuse of somebody, who was too lazy to write, and 1% of the time they accidentally put a space in front or behind the address. It DOES work. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year. That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position. Hopkins wrote, "The climate didn't agree with me." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cut Thread at an Angle For Easier Threading Cut your sewing thread at an angle to thread it through the hole easier. By lnygaard [94] Pulling the part of the thread to be cut alongside a candle or bar of soap prior to cutting also helps. DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Two Cajun commercial fishermen, Boudreaux & Thibodeaux, went out in the Gulf fishing. They were gone a couple of months. On their return, they noticed a Taco Bell had been built while they were away. Boudreaux turns to Thibodeaux and says "Sacri Bleu! Look it dat! You run over a fone pole an it takes 9 mons ta get Southern Bell ta put in a new pole an fix da fone. We go fish a bit, an dem Mexicans done come over here an build a whole telifone company!" _____________________________________________________ Success is relative - the more success, the more relatives. ____________________________________________________
Almost Everyone in this Small Alaskan Town Lives in this One Building

Today in 
44 BC Roman Emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated by 
high ranking Roman Senators. 
1341 During the Hundred Years War, an alliance was signed 
 between Roman Emperor Louis IV and France's Philip VI. 
1493 Christopher Columbus returned to Spain after his first 
 New World voyage. 
1781 During the American Revolution, the Battle of Guilford 
 Courthouse took place in North Carolina. British General 
 Cornwallis' 1,900 soldiers defeated an American force of 4,400. 
1892 New York State unveiled the new automatic ballot voting 
 machine. 
1892 Jesse W. Reno patented the Reno Inclined Elevator. It 
 was the first escalator. 
1903 The British conquest of Nigeria was completed. 500,000 
 square miles were now controlled by the U.K. 
1904 Three hundred Russians were killed as the Japanese shelled 
 Port Arthur in Korea. 
1916 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson sent 12,000 troops, under 
 General Pershing, over the border of Mexico to pursue bandit 
 Pancho Villa. The mission failed. 
1934 Henry Ford restored the $5 a day wage. 
1935 Joseph Goebbels, German Minister of Propaganda banned 
 four Berlin newspapers. 
1938 Oil was discovered in Saudi Arabia. 
1939 German forces occupied Bohemia and Moravia, and part 
 of Czechoslovakia. 
1944 Cassino, Italy, was destroyed by Allied bombing. 
1949 Clothes rationing in Great Britain ended nearly four years 
 after the end of World War II. 
1951 General de Lattre demanded that Paris send him more troops 
 for the fight in Vietnam. 
1951 The Persian parliament voted to nationalize the oil industry. 
1955 The U.S. Air Force unveiled a self-guided missile. 
1990 The Ford Explorer was introduced to the public. 
1990 The Soviet parliament ruled that Lithuania's declaration of 
 independence was invalid and that Soviet law was still in force 
 in the Baltic republic. 
1991 Four Los Angeles police officers were indicted in the beating 
 of Rodney King on March 3, 1991. (California) 
1996 The aviation firm Fokker NV collapsed. 
2002 Libyan Abdel Baset Ali Mohmed Al-Megrahi began his life sentence 
 in a Scottish jail for his role in the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 
 on December 21, 1988. 
2002 In the U.S., Burger King began selling a veggie burger. The 
 event was billed as the first veggie burger to be sold nationally 
 by a fast food chain. 
2002 In Texas, Andrea Yates received a life sentence for drowning 
 her five children on June 20, 2001. 
2002 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell told the Associated Press 
 that the U.S. would stand by a 24-year pledge not to use nuclear 
 arms against states that don't have them. 
2004 Clive Woodall's novel "One for Sorrow: Two for Joy" was 
 published. Two days later Woodall sold the film rights to 
 Walt Disney Co. for $1 million. 
2015  smiled.


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Spell Checking in Open Office 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, March 14
Just before 9:30 the time will be 3/14/15 9:26.53
That is exactly pi, what the Flat Earthers and 
anti-scientific gullible warmers call the "Evil Number".


Today the moon goes "over itself".
Ideal time for sowing or planting anything, of which you
harvest above ground parts, like grains, flowers, etc.
If you plant potatoes now, they will try to peek and work
their way to the surface, instead of seeking nutrients 
from deep down. Carrots will have phantastic greens but 
pathetic roots. Stick to above ground harvestable plants
for the next week or two.

This is also an ideal time for bringing firewood indoors 
or under a roof, even if it is wet.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
Tampa perverts, who shot a dog and tied her to the 
railroad tracks
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom to 
 Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Most new books are forgotten within a year, especially by those who borrow them. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) ______________________________________________________ Ron has been telling his wife for 37 years that diamonds look tacky on younger women. So far, it has worked. ______________________________________________________ A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, "We've got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning." Her husband replied, "Well, lots of dogs can do that." The wife responded, "But we've never subscribed to any papers!" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kenny Bell, 21, Natwan Callaway, 17, Darnell Devlin, 18, Bobby Hollinger, 17. Hillsborough Co. Jail booking photos Tampa dog shot, tied to railroad tracks Tampa Police on Thursday arrested two additional suspects in connection with a disturbing animal cruelty case that made headlines around the world. Also on Thursday, a Hillsborough County juvenile court judge allowed home detention for one of two Tampa teens previously arrested in the case. Natwan Callaway and Bobby Hollinger, ages 17, appeared in a Hillsborough County juvenile court on Thursday morning. The pair was arrested Wednesday. They are accused of trying to kill a dog that had been purchased for fighting. Investigators say the teens and other unnamed suspects decided to kill the dog because it would not fight. Tampa Police officers rescued the severely injured dog by untying her from railroad tracks on March 4. They were responding to multiple 911 calls about shots fired in the area when they came across the dog. The female dog survived and has since been nicknamed Cabella. Investigators released new details about the crime after the teen's arrest on Wednesday. They say Hollinger threw the dog into the woods and fired at her. The dog then ran back home and sat injured on the front porch. The teens allegedly caught her and brought her back to the tracks and then tied her to the tracks where Callaway allegedly shot her several more times. The boys then left the area. The teens appeared in court for the first time on Thursday morning. Callaway was charged with aggravated animal cruelty, armed trespassing and possession of a firearm. A Hillsborough County judge on Thursday ordered Callaway be held in secure detention, because of the weapon possession charge. Hollinger was charged with aggravated animal cruelty and trespassing. On Thursday, the judge released Hollinger from custody and allowed him to have home detention and monitoring, because he is not charged with possession of a weapon. The teens are scheduled to appear in court again on April, 8. Tampa Police on Thursday arrested two men who owned Cabela prior to her shooting; Darnell Devlin, 18, and Kenny Bell, 21. Tampa Police officers and Hillsborough County Animal Services conducted a search warrant at a home on North 16th Street where Cabela lived before the shooting. Investigators say they found two additional dogs that had injuries consistent with dog fighting. Detectives say they also discovered evidence of dog fighting in the backyard. Investigators say Devlin and Bell admitted to owning the dogs as well as Cabela. Both men were charged with two counts of possessing a dog for dog fighting. WFLA News Channel 8 spoke with Alicia Young, who is the mother of Darnell Devlin and Kenny Bell. She insists her boys are innocent, they did not own Cabella, they did not sell Cabella and they are not in the fighting dog business at all and they were in church when they ...didn't shoot the dog. It's all just propaganda, because they are pooah black boys. Hillsborough County Animal Services took custody of both dogs. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Walter Re: No Spell Checker in Opne Office Dear Webby, as the preeminent scholar on how 'Open Office' works, can you please explain to me how I can get spell check to work in Open Office? No matter what I try, or do, spell check does not work and no red squiggles ever appear underneath deliberately misspelled words. As always my sincere thanks. Be well, live long, and prosper, Walter Dear Walter ALL of my past professors have turned into high speed augers at your mention of me as a scholar. There could be one of two reasons. One is some other "As-you-type" spell checker holding it off. The other is a hasty install without the language dictionaries. However, if the spell check did work at one time, then that is not the cause. The complete troubleshooting guide is at https://forum.openoffice.org/en/forum/viewtopic.php?t=16512 If all else fails, re-install. Let me know what you find! Have FUN! DearWebby Hi Dear Webby, I apparently did not have a spell checker installed. I downloaded the American English Spell Checker as per your link and the spell checker now works perfectly. You are a true genius! Be well, live long, and prosper, Walter _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A Priest at a Church picnic was ogling a member of his parish wearing the tiniest of bikinis. A Nun walked over and said, "Shame on you Father, staring at that woman like that!" The Priest replied, "Sister Mary Elizabeth, I know you to be on a diet, and yet I saw you ogling the buffet." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dry Ice for Removing Dents from Your Car Removing small dents in your car is easy to do using a iece of dry ice. This saves you money having them taken out by a professional. Wearing a pair of gloves, just hold the ice over the dent until it pops right out. This does take a little time, so be patient. Simple and inexpensive. Source: Dad By Spacecase [11] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more." "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. Imma just tellun my friend, da bishop from Milano, how to spella Mississippi." _____________________________________________________ A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders.He says, "What on earth is that all about?" The farmer says, "We had a fire in the chicken coop two months ago and all his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep him warm." "Okay, but that was two months ago. Why does he still wear them?" The farmer replied, "There ain't nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other." ____________________________________________________
Was this hedge trimmer in for a surprise!

Today in 
1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom to 
 Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty. 
1647 During the Thirty Years War, France, Sweden, Bavaria 
 and Cologne signed a Treaty of Neutrality. 
1757 British Admiral John Byng was executed by a firing 
 squad on board HMS Monarch for neglect of duty. 
1794 Eli Whitney received a patent for his cotton gin. 
1864 Samuel Baker discovered another source of the Nile 
 in East Africa. He named it Lake Albert Nyanza. 
1891 The submarine Monarch laid telephone cable along the 
 bottom of the English Channel to prepare for the first 
 telephone links across the Channel. 
1900 U.S. currency went on the gold standard with the 
 ratification of the Gold Standard Act. 
1900 In Holland, Botanist Hugo de Vries RE-discovered 
 Mendel's laws of heredity. 
1903 The U.S. Senate ratified the Hay-Herran Treaty that 
 guaranteed the U.S. the right to build a canal at Panama. 
 The Columbian Senate rejected the treaty. 
1905 French bankers refused to lend money to Russia until 
 after their war. 
1905 The British House of Commons cited a need to compete 
 with Germany in naval strength. 
1906 The island of Ustica was devastated by an earthquake. 
1914 Henry Ford announced the new continuous motion method 
 to assemble cars. The process decreased the time to make 
 a car from 12½ hours to 93 minutes. 
1915 The British Navy sank the German battleship Dresden 
 off the Chilean coast. 
1932 George Eastman, the founder of the Kodak company, 
 committed suicide. 
1936 Adolf Hitler told a crowd of 300,000 that Germany's 
 only judge is God and itself. 
1939 Hungary occupied the Carpatho-Ukraine. Slovakia 
 declared its independence. 
1945 In Germany, a 22,000 pound "Grand Slam" bomb was 
 dropped by the Royal Air Force Dambuster Squad on the 
 Bielefeld railway viaduct. It was the heaviest bomb 
 used during World War II. 
1947 The U.S. signed a 99-year lease on naval bases in 
 the Philippines. 
1947 Moscow announced that 890,532 German POWs were held 
 in the U.S.S.R. 
1951 U.N. forces recaptured Seoul for the second time 
 during the Korean War. 
1954 The Viet Minh launched an assault on Dien Bien Phu 
 in Saigon. 
1958 The U.S. government suspended arms shipments to the 
 Batista government of Cuba, thereby sealing the fate of Cuba.
1978 An Israeli force of 22,000 invaded south Lebanon. The 
 PLO bases were hit. 
1979 Near Peking, China, at least 200 people died when a 
 Trident aircraft crashed into a factory. 
1980 A Polish airliner crashed while making an emergency 
 landing near Warsaw. 87 people were killed. A 14-man U.S. 
 boxing team was aboard the plane. 
1981 Three Pakistani airline hijackers surrendered in Syria 
 after they had exchanged 100 passengers and crewmen for 
 54 Pakistani prisoners. 
1989 Imported assault guns were banned in the U.S. under 
 President George H.W. Bush. 
1991 The "Birmingham Six," imprisoned for 16 years for 
 their alleged part in an IRA pub bombing, were set free 
 after a court agreed that the police fabricated evidence. 
1995 American astronaut Norman Thagard became the first 
 American to enter space aboard a Russian rocket. 
1996 U.S. President Bill Clinton committed $100 million 
 for an anti-terrorism pact with Israel to track down and 
 root out Islamic militants. 
1998 An earthquake left 10,000 homeless in southeastern Iran. 
2002 A Scottish appeals court upheld the conviction of a Libyan 
 intelligence agent for the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103. 
 A five-judge court ruled unanimously that Abdel Basset Ali 
 al-Megrahi was guilty of bringing down the plane over 
 Lockerbie, Scotland. 
2003 Robert Blake was released from jail on $1.5 million bail. 
 Blake had been jailed for the murder of his wife Bonny Lee Bakley.
2015  smiled.


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Is CrapCleaner interfering? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, March 13
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Alabama babysitter, whose 2 year old victim 
drank her methadone laced pop.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
2012 After 244 years of publication, Encyclopædia Britannica 
 announced it would discontinue its print edition.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
He who hesitates is a damned fool. --- Mae West (1892 - 1980) ______________________________________________________ >A classic brought back by Nanarina Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked her, 'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?' She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'Well, dear, it's called sexual intercourse.’ ‘Oh,’ Little Tony said, 'OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you.' ______________________________________________________ >From Dan The Redneck Book of Manners ***GENERAL*** 1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. 3. Its considered poor taste to take a cooler to church. 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets. 5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home! *** DINING OUT *** 1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label. 2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs. 3. Slow dancing at the local Waffle House is acceptable provided you pay your fair share of the jukebox. *** ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME *** 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist. 2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are. 3. The beer keg shold not obstruct anyone's path walking through the middle of the living room. *** PERSONAL HYGIENE *** 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys. 2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money. 3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods. *** DATING (Outside the Family) *** 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date. 2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago." 3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say tomorrow! ; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time. 4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, "ya sure don't sweat much for a fat broad." *** WEDDINGS *** 1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift. 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot. 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance. 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion. 5. Remember, the buffet food should be consumed on the premises and not for your personal takeout for tomorrow's dinner. 6. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack. *** DRIVING ETIQUETTE *** 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight. 2. When approaching a four way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way. 3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape. 4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer. 5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving. 6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession. *** TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER *** 1. All the DNA is the same. 2. There are no dental records. 3. Same evidence: Murderer was last seen leaving the crime scene in a beat up pickup truck. ______________________________________________________ From Clyde: Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cassie Townsend 31, Bessemer, Alabama Child Dies After Drinking Babysitter's Methadone Laced Grape Soda Alabama police say a toddler has died after drinking from a bottle of grape soda believed to be laced with methadone. Sgt. Charlie Burton was quoted by Al.com as saying that 31-year-old Cassie Townsend was babysitting the 2-year-old boy Friday and noticed that a bottle containing methadone was not where she left it. Methadone is a medication used to treat addiction to heroin and other opioid drugs, because it is more powerful and more addictive than heroin. Police say Townsend brought the boy to a local hospital because he appeared to be sick. Burton says the boy was unresponsive and later died. Townsend was initially charged with chemical endangerment of a child. It was not known if she had an attorney. Jefferson County Chief Deputy Coroner Bill Yates says toxicology tests will be performed on the boy. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Carolyn Re: Crap Cleaner and Ad Aware Dear Webby, I run Ad-aware once a week. If I install Crap Cleaner will I have a problem? Seem like some programs are not compatible with it. Thanks- you are always helpful!!! Carolyn Dear Carolyn Should be no problem at all. They go after totally different things and Crap Cleaner exits cleanly after doing it's work. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ "Your honour, " explained the young man, "I have to get married, please." "All right, what is your age?" "I'm 22, sir." "And the age of the bride?" "She's 15, sir." "15??? That's too young -- marrying you would be against the law!" "I see, " said the young man. "Could you try explaining that to the fella behind me, the one with with the shotgun?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Strawberry Sauce I created this recipe when my husband said he was running to the store to get strawberry sauce for ice cream. I always have strawberries in the freezer and whipped this up. It's now a family favorite. It's super easy and so versatile. You can serve this sauce over ice cream, waffles or pancakes, on top of pound cake, stir into some lemonade, etc. Approximate Time: 10 minutes Ingredients: 1 lb frozen strawberries 2 Tbsp lemon juice* 1/4 cup water 1/2 cup sugar pinch salt Homemade Strawberry Sauce *The lemon juice is optional. It just brings out the berry flavor. Steps: Place berries in sauce pan. Add water, lemon juice and salt. Heat over medium heat. Stir occasionally. The berries will start to soften after a couple of minutes. Homemade Strawberry Sauce Add sugar once the mixture is easily stirred. Once berries are completely softened, mash with a potato masher. If you don't want chunks of strawberries, you can throw the sauce in a food processor or use a stick blender. I personally like the pieces of berries. Homemade Strawberry Sauce Heat for a few more minutes to thicken the sauce. Let cool. Refrigerate. By Becky [32] That works with raspberries and plums too. For even better flavor use honey instead of sugar. Have FUN! Dear Webby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. Later the lawyers speak and the judge listens. _____________________________________________________ During an arctic training exercise in Alaska intense cold played havoc with vehicles and equipment. One harassed battery commander was trying to cope with vehicles that wouldn't run and machinery that wouldn't work. He was wondering what else could go wrong when the tent flap opened and a soldier rushed in to announce, "Hey, captain, the northern lights are out!" Exasperated and without looking, the captain barked, "Well, go get the generator mechanic and have him fix the @#$% lights!" ---- With northern lights the phrase "the lights are out" goes back a lot farther than electric lights, and actually means "the northern lights have come out from behind the clouds, they are visible". ____________________________________________________
Interesting and beautiful places on earth.

Today in 
0607 The 12th recorded passage of Halley's Comet occurred. 
1519 Cortez landed in Mexico. 
1660 A statute was passed limiting the sale of slaves in 
 the colony of Virginia. 
1777 The U.S. Congress ordered its European envoys to appeal 
 to high-ranking foreign officers to send troops to reinforce 
 the American army. 
1781 Sir William Herschel discovered the planet Uranus. 
1861 Jefferson Davis signed a bill authorizing slaves to be 
 used as soldiers for the Confederacy. 
1877 Chester Greenwood patented the earmuff. 
1884 Standard time was adopted throughout the U.S. 
1901 Andrew Carnegie announced that he was retiring from 
 business and that he would spend the rest of his days 
 giving away his fortune. His net worth was estimated 
 at $300 million. 
1902 In Poland, schools were shut down across the country 
 when students refused to sing the Russian hymn 
 "God Protect the Czar." 
1902 Andrew Carnegie approved 40 applications from libraries 
 for donations. 
1908 The people of Jerusalem saw an automobile for the first 
 time. The owner was Charles Glidden of Boston. 
1911 The U.S. Supreme Court approved corporate tax law. 
1915 The Germans repelled a British expeditionary force 
 attack in France. 
1918 Women were scheduled to march in the St. Patrick's 
 Day Parade in New York due to a shortage of men due 
 to wartime. 
1925 A law in Tennessee prohibited the teaching of evolution. 
1930 It was announced that the planet Pluto had been discovered 
 by scientist Clyde Tombaugh at the Lowell Observatory. 
1935 Three-thousand-year-old archives were found in Jerusalem 
 confirming some biblical history. 
1941 Adolf Hitler issued an edict calling for an invasion of the 
 U.S.S.R. 
1943 Japanese forces ended their attack on the American troops 
 on Hill 700 in Bougainville. 
1946 Reports from Iran indicated that Soviet tanks units were 
 stationed 20 miles from Tehran. 
1946 Premier Tito seized wartime collaborator General Draja 
 Mikhailovich in a cave in Yugoslavia. 
1951 Israel demanded $1.5 billion in German reparations for 
 the cost of caring for war refugees. 
1957 Jimmy Hoffa was arrested by the FBI on bribery charges. 
1963 China invited Soviet President Khrushchev to visit Peking. 
1969 The Apollo 9 astronauts returned to Earth after the 
 conclusion of a mission that included the successful 
 testing of the Lunar Module. 
1970 Cambodia ordered Hanoi and Viet Cong troops to leave. 
1970 Digital Equipment Corp. introduced the PDP-11 minicomputer. 
1974 The U.S. Senate voted 54-33 to restore the death penalty. 
1974 An embargo imposed by Arab oil-producing countries 
 was lifted. 
1980 A jury in Winamac, IN, found Ford Motor Company innocent 
 of reckless homicide in the deaths of three young women that 
 had been riding in a Ford Pinto. 
1990 The U.S. lifted economic sanctions against Nicaragua. 
1991 Exxon paid $1 billion in fines and for the clean-up 
 of the Alaskan oil spill. 
2002 Fox aired "Celebrity Boxing." Tonya Harding beat 
 Paula Jones, Danny Banaduce beat Barry Williams and 
 Todd Bridges defeated Vanilla Ice. 
2003 Japan sent a destroyer to the Sea of Japan amid 
 reports that North Korea was planning to test an 
 intermediate-range ballistic missile. 
2003 A report in the journal "Nature" reported that 
 scientists had found 350,000-year-old human footprints 
 in Italy. The 56 prints were made by three early, 
 upright-walking humans that were descending the side 
 of a volcano. 
2012 After 244 years of publication, Encyclopædia Britannica 
 announced it would discontinue its print edition.
2015  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 12


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Illinois mother, who shot TV because kids are couch potatoes
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1496 Jews were expelled from Syria.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why. --- Mignon McLaughlin ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dan, here is the famous Southern Dictionary: BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck." JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida. Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck." MUNTS - noun. A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts." IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Auburn Alumni." Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!" RANCH - noun. A tool. Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago." AWL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts awl in my pickup truck." FAR - noun. A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the awl in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far." BAHS - noun. A supervisor. Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!" TAR - noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup truck." TIRE - noun. A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime." HOT - noun. A blood-pumping organ. HOD - adverb. Not easy. Usage: "A broken hot is hod to fix." RETARD - Verb. To stop working. Usage: "My granpaw retard at age 65." TARRED - adverb. Exhausted. Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred." RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats." LOT - adjective. Luminescent. Usage: "I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair." FARN - adjective. Not local. Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country." DID - adjective. Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim." EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA). Usage: "He can't breathe ... give 'em some ear!" BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence." JU-HERE - a question. Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach Jimmy Johnson recently toured the University of Alabama?" HAZE - a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert." SEED - verb, past tense. VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?" HEAVY DEW - phrase. A request for action. Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?" GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Great ... ANOTHER gummit shutdown! Ah: The thing you see with, and the personal pronoun used denoting individuality. "Ah think Ah've got somethin' in mah ah." Ast: To interrogate or inquire, as when a revenue agent seeks information about illegal moonshine stills. "Don't ast me so many question. It makes me mad." Attair: Contraction used to indicate the specific item desire. "Pass me attair gravy, please" Awl: An amber fluid used to lubricate engines. "Ah like attair car, but it sure does take a lot of awl." Bawl: What water does at 212 degrees Fahrenheit. "That gal cain't even bawl water without burnin' it." Bleeve: Expression of intent or faith. "Ah bleeve we ought to go to church this Sunday." Cent: Plural of cent. "You paid five dollars for that necktie? Ah wouldn't give fiddy cent for it." Co-cola: The soft drink that started in Atlanta and conquered the world. "Ah hear they even sell Co-cola in Russia." Cyst: To render aid. "Can Ah cyst you with those packages, ma'am." Dayum: A cuss word Rhett Butler used in "Gone With the Wind." "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a dayum." Everwhichaways: To be scattered in all directions. "You should have been there when the train hit attair chicken truck. Them chickens flew everwhichaways. Far: A state of combustion that produces heat and light. "Ah reckon it's about time to put out the far and call in the dawgs." Flahres: The colorful, sweet-smelling part of a plant. "If yo wife's mad at ya, it's smart to take her some flahres." Fur: Measure of distance. "It's a fur piece ta Etlanna." Fur: Because of or to indicate possession. "Fur yew ta get attair new car yew gotta go see Bubba bout a loan." Good ole boy: Any Southern male between age 16 and 60 who has an amiable disposition and is fond of boon companions, strong drink, hound dawgs, fishin', huntin', and good lookin' women, but not necessarily in that order. " Bubba's a good ole boy." Griyuts: What no Southern breakfast would be without - grits. "Ah like griyuts with butter and sawt on'em, but Ah purely love'em with red-eye gravy." Hale: Where General Sherman is going for what he did to Etlanna. (Atlanta) "General Sherman said "War is Hale" and he made sure it was." Hep: to aid or benefit. "Ah can't hep it if Ah'm still in love with you." Idinit: Term employed by genteel Southerners to avoid saying Ain't. "Mighty hot today, idinit?" Jew: Did you. "Jew want to buy attair comic book, son, or just stand there and read it here?" Kumpny: Guests. "Be home on time. We's havin' kumpny for supper." Law: Police, or as Southerners pronounce it, POH-leece. "We better get outta here. That bartender's doen called the law." Likker: Whiskey; either the amber kind bought in stores or the homemade white kind that federal authorities frown upon." Does he drink? Listen, he spills more likker than most people drink.' Mash: To press, as in the case of an elevator button. "Want me to mash yo floor for you, Ma'am?" Muchablige: Thank you. "muchablige for the lift, mister." Nawthun: Anything that is not Southern. "He is a classic product of the superior Nawthun educational system." (sarcasm) Ovair: In that direction. 'Where's yo paw, son?" He's ovair, suh." Phraisin: Very cold. "Shut that door. It's phraisin in here." Plum: Completely. "Ah'm plum wore out." Retch: To grasp for. "The right feilder retch over into the stands and caught the ball." Saar: The opposite of sweet. "These pickles Sure are saar." Shovelay: A GM car. "Nobody could drive a Shovelay like Junior Johnson." Sinner: Exact middle of. "Have you been to the new shoppin' sinner." Sugar: A kiss. "Come here and give me some sugar." Tarred: Fatigued. "Ah'm too tarred to go bowlin' nonight." Tar Arns: A tool employed in changing wheels. "You cain't change a tar without a tar arn." Uhmurkin: Someone who lives int he United States of Uhmurka. "Thomas Jefferson was a great Uhmurkin." War: Metal strands attached to posts to enclose domestic animals. "Be careful and don't get stuck on that bob war." Whup: To beat or to strike. "OOOEEE!!! Yer mama's gonna whup you fer sayin' a cuss word." Yankee shot: A Southern child's navel. "Momma, what's this on mah belly?" "That's yo Yankee Shot." Zat: Is that. "Zat yo dawg?" BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck." JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida. Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck." MUNTS - noun. A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts." IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Auburn Alumni." Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!" RANCH - noun. A tool. Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago." AWL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck." FAR - noun. A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far." BAHS - noun. A supervisor. Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!" TAR - noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup truck." TIRE - noun. A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eifel Tire in Paris sometime." HOT - noun. A blood-pumping organ. HOD - adverb. Not easy. Usage: "A broken hot is hod to fix." RETARD - Verb. To stop working. Usage: "My granpaw retard at age 65." TARRED - adverb. Exhausted. Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred." RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for our rats." LOT - adjective. Luminescent. Usage: "I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair." FARN - adjective. Not local. "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country." DID - adjective. Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim." EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA). Usage: "He can't breathe ... give 'em some ear!" BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence." JU-HERE - a question. "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach, Jimmy Johnson, recently toured the University of Alabama?" HAZE - a contraction. "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert." SEED - verb, past tense. VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun. "I ain't never seed New York City" HEAVY DEW - phrase. A request for action. "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?" WARSH - verb. To clean. SQUARSH - noun. A vegetable (also verb - to flatten). "Warsh that squarsh, Bubba ... you don't know where its been!" GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution. "Great ... ANOTHER gummit shutdown!" Cole's Law: Thinly shredded cabbage "Ya'll Come Back Now, Ya hear?" Good bye, said even after a major faht. Southerners do have manners, ya'll know! ______________________________________________________ >From Connie in Kansas In my next life -- I Want to be a Bear... If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too. If you're a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that. If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them, too. I could deal with that. If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. Yup..... I wanna be a bear. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award have been earned by Jennifer Ullery, 40, Algonquin, Illinois Illinois mother shot TV because kids are couch potatoes An Illinois mother wanted her children to watch less TV so she allegedly fired a Ruger .22 long rifle at the 50-inch flatscreen. Police charged Jennifer Ullery, 40, with reckless discharge of a firearm, unlawful possession of a firearm without a license and three counts of endangering the health and safety of a child, ABC Chicago reports. Ullery pleaded not guilty on Monday to charges from the alleged incident that happened Jan. 20 in her Algonquin home. Deputy Police Chief Andrew Doles said the children – ages 15, 11, and six– were watching a music video by the rock bank Primus. All of a sudden, Ullery entered the room and fired "multiple rounds" at the TV, Algonquin Deputy Andrew Doles told the Northwest Herald. "Mom didn't say anything, she just walked into the room and started shooting the TV," Doles said. No one was injured from the shooting. The police visited the house on Feb. 9 after getting a tip from the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services. Officers noticed there had been no attempt to clean up the shards from the shattered TV screen and found a rifle, magazine and ammo, CBS Chicago reports. The kids were placed in the care of another relative, who has a working TV. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Moe Re: Windows shortcuts Dear Webby, Super Duper Top Secret Windows 7 Shortcuts Collection Shortcuts Moe Dear Moe That is quite a thorough list. About the only one missing is SHIFT-DELETE for cutting highlighted text to be pasted elsewhere. Other than that, the list is complete and very handy. Well worth bookmarking or even printing. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Q. What do you get when you cross a lion and an ocelot? A. A political animal called a Lialot, close relative of the Cheetalot. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cooktop Cleaner for Bathtub Stains Today I tried bleaching, Oxiclean, and Lysol foam cleaner. Nothing worked. I wish I had taken a before picture. I decided to try the cleaner that I use to clean my ceramic cook-top. It worked. Right before my eyes, the dirt came clean. I figured if it could clean grease off the cook-top it could dissolve body oils too. I bought it my local grocery store. It is a paste like cleaner and comes in a tub similar to car wax. It also comes with a small scrubbing sponge. The brand name is Carbona Ceramic Cooktop Power Cleaner. I did have to use the sponge that came with it and scrub a little, but it came off in minutes. By maymay [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Joan, the town gossip and supervisor of the town's morals, recently accused George, a local man, of being an alcoholic because she saw his pickup truck parked outside the town's only bar. George stared at her for a moment, and said nothing. Later that evening, he parked his pickup truck in front of her house and left it there all night. _____________________________________________________ The young man told his father, "I want to marry a beautiful woman, a good woman, a smart woman, one who'll be a good mother to our kids, a woman who will make me happy." His father told him he'd better make up his mind. ____________________________________________________
Unique Hotels. I’ll take the one in the Maldives.

Today in 
1496 Jews were expelled from Syria. 
1609 The Bermuda Islands became an English colony. 
1664 New Jersey became a British colony. King Charles II 
 granted land in the New World to his brother James
1809 Britain signed a treaty with Persia forcing the 
 French to leave the country. 
1889 Almon B. Stowger applied for a patent for his automatic 
 telephone system. 
1894 Coca-Cola was sold in bottles for the first time. 
1911 Dr. Fletcher of Rockefeller Institute discovered the cause 
 of infantile paralysis. 
1912 The Girl Scout organization was founded. The original 
 name was Girl Guides. 
1923 Dr. Lee DeForest demonstrated phonofilm. It was his 
 technique for putting sound on motion picture film. 
1930 Ghandi began his 200-mile march to the sea that 
 symbolized his defiance of British rule over India. 
1933 President Paul von Hindenburg dropped the flag of the 
 German Republic and ordered that the swastika and empire 
 banner be flown side by side. 
1938 The "Anschluss" took place as German troops entered Austria. 
1940 Finland surrendered to Russia ending the Russo-Finnish War. 
1944 Britain barred all travel to Ireland. 
1947 U.S. President Truman established the "Truman Doctrine" to 
 help Greece and Turkey resist Communism. 
1959 The U.S. House joined the U.S. Senate in approving the 
 statehood of Hawaii. 
1985 Former U.S. President Richard M. Nixon announced that he 
 planned to drop Secret Service protection and hire his own 
 bodyguards in an effort to lower the deficit by $3 million. 
1994 A photo by Marmaduke Wetherell of the Loch Ness monster 
 was confirmed to be a hoax. The photo was taken of a toy 
 submarine with a head and neck attached. 
1994 The Church of England ordained its first women priests. 
1998 Astronomers cancelled a warning that a mile-wide asteroid 
 might collide with Earth saying that calculations had been off 
 by 600,000 miles. 
1999 Hungary, Poland and the Czech Republic became members of the 
 North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). All three countries 
 were members of the former Warsaw Pact. 
2002 Conoco and Phillips Petroleum stockholders approved a proposed 
 merger worth $15.6 billion. 
2003 In Utah, Elizabeth Smart was reunited with her family nine months 
 after she was abducted from her home. She had been taken on 
 June 5, 2002, by a drifter that had previously worked at the 
 Smart home. 
2003 The U.S. Air Force announced that it would resume 
 reconnaissance flights off the coast of North Korea. The 
 flights had stopped on March 2 after an encounter with four 
 armed North Korean jets. 
2009 It was announced that the Sears Tower in Chicago, IL, 
 would be renamed Willis Tower, so as notn to annoy Arab 
 terrorists. 
2015  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, March 11


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award and Darwin Award goes to a
Wisconsin criminal, who knocked down a cop.
Briefly.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1998 The International Astronomical Union issued an alert that 
 said that a mile-wide asteroid could come very close to, and 
 possibly hit, Earth on Oct. 26, 2028. The next day NASA's 
 Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that there was no chance 
 the asteroid would hit Earth.  
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether what you're doing is work or play. --- Warren Beatty (1937 - ) Friendship is being there when someone's feeling low and not being afraid to kick them. --- Randy K. Milholland ______________________________________________________ Q. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? A. Just one, but it will take a long time, and the bulb has to really want to change." ______________________________________________________ James Drake, in Vernon Township, New Jersey headed out late one afternoon to rob his local bank. Before getting out of the car he put on his ski mask and then went to the door and tried opening it by pushing and pulling it. When he realized the door was locked HE STARTED BANGING ON THE DOOR, as if anyone was going to open the doors one minute after closing time, especially for someone wearing a ski mask! Concerned that this might set a precedent and that other people too might expect to be let in after official closing time, employees called the police. Drake was arrested. That'll teach him a lesson. Annoying the pretty ladies at the bank is very boneheaded! ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Kilt Rock Scotland
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award have been earned by Tony Robinson 19, Madison, Wisconsin Today's Bonehead Award and Darwin Award goes to a Wisconsin criminal, who knocked down a cop. Briefly. The unarmed Wisconsin teenager who was shot to death last night during a confrontation with a Madison cop pleaded guilty last year to armed robbery and recently began serving a three-year probation term for that felony conviction, court records show. According to police, an officer responded Friday to a 911 call about a man who had assaulted a victim and was dodging cars in traffic. The cop followed the suspect into a nearby apartment, where the man allegedly struck the officer on the head, knocking him to the ground. During an ensuing struggle, patrolman Matt Kenny eventually shot the suspect. Family and friends have identified the victim as Anthony “Tony” Robinson, a 19-year-old Madison resident. “The initial finding at the scene did not reflect a gun or anything of that nature that would have been used by the subject," said Madison Police Chief Mike Koval. Robinson’s mother, Andrea Irwin, said that, “My son has never been a violent person. And to die in such a violent, violent way, it baffles me.” Appqarently she doesn't consider armed home invasion robbery or assaulting people or knocking down a cop as violent. Robinson, pictured above, was arrested last April following an armed home invasion at a Madison residence, according to police records. Cops were called to the scene around 6 AM by a neighbor who “spotted several men, one of them armed with a long gun, entering an apartment building,” according to a police report. Police arrived at the home “just as the armed robbery was ending” and a group of suspects was fleeing “with electronics and other property.” Cops subsequently recovered a shotgun and a facsimile handgun used during the robbery, as well as some of the stolen property. Robinson was one of five suspects (each of whom was 18 at the time of their arrest) busted for the home invasion. In October, he pleaded guilty to armed robbery and was later sentenced to six months in jail, though a judge stayed the execution of the custodial term. Robinson was also placed on three years probation, which he began serving in late-December. That clueless sentence was what killed Robinson. Any violent criminal put on probation will commit serious violence to avoid going to jail after his next criminally violent act. Two of Robinson’s codefendants have also pleaded to armed robbery, while the felony cases against the remaining two defendants are pending. Robinson was also the defendant in a paternity action filed last year by a 24-year-old Madison woman. The civil matter ended with a paternity judgment being served on Robinson with regard to the child, a boy who just turned one. A judge ruled that, “parties will have joint legal custody; no placement order and no child support order entered as neither party appeared to provide info.” On his Twitter account, Robinson yesterday included a link to a story about the scathing Department of Justice probe into the Ferguson, Missouri police department. On Thursday, he tweeted, “I need a babe to take care of me when I'm off the drugs.” In other tweets, the teen--whose handle included the name “Tony Montana”--frequently referred to marijuana and described himself as a “Real nigga from the start till the casket shut.” ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ellen Re: What are incoming links Dear Webby, What are those "Incoming Links" that you and others mention so often? Ellen Dear Ellen When some other site, for example Ophelia Dingbatter's site, has a link to the Humor Letter, then that is an INcoming link. My link to her site is INcoming for her. Or my link to the Mammogram site, is an INcoming link for them. The whole Internet is a web of links, that is why it is often called "the web". Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Bad Karma Or is that bad Bika ? She's a real biker babe. Watch how she checks for traffic before taking off! ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cooktop Cleaner for Bathtub Stains Today I tried bleaching, Oxiclean, and Lysol foam cleaner. Nothing worked. I wish I had taken a before picture. I decided to try the cleaner that I use to clean my ceramic cook-top. It worked. Right before my eyes, the dirt came clean. I figured if it could clean grease off the cook-top it could dissolve body oils too. I bought it my local grocery store. It is a paste like cleaner and comes in a tub similar to car wax. It also comes with a small scrubbing sponge. The brand name is Carbona Ceramic Cooktop Power Cleaner. I did have to use the sponge that came with it and scrub a little, but it came off in minutes. By maymay [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Here is an oldie I came across while looking for the "Southern Dictionary" that a reader requested. Still looking, but here is an oldie-goldie in the meantime: Betty-Sue walked into the Emergency Room of a hospital in a small town. She walked up to a nurse and said, "Ah wants to see a Uptern." The nurse looked at her kinda funny and said, "Don't y'all mean Intern?" The girl replied, "Okay, if'n y'all say so, but ah wants a contamination." The nurse is a little confused and says, "Don't y'all mean examination?" The girl replied, "Uptern, intern, contamination, examination, ah don caire, ah ain't demonstrated for 6 months and an ah thinks ah'm stagnant. _____________________________________________________ Jill's husband was called into his bank to discuss his accounts. "Your finances are in terrible shape," the lady behind the counter stated. "Your checking account is overdrawn, your loan is overdue." "Yes, I know." said the man. "It's my wife Jill, she is out of control." "Why do you allow your wife to spend more money than you make?" asked the bank teller.. "Frankly," replied the man with a deep sigh, "because I'd rather argue with you than with her." ____________________________________________________
Worse Days

Today in 
537 The Goths began their siege on Rome. 
1302 The characters Romeo and Juliet were married this day. 
1649 The peace of Rueil was signed between the Frondeurs (rebels) 
 and the French government. 
1810 The Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte was married by proxy to 
 Archduchess Marie Louise of Austria. 
1865 Union General William Sherman and his forces occupied 
 Fayetteville, NC. 
1867 In Hawaii, the volcano Great Mauna Loa erupted. 
1888 The "Blizzard of '88" began along the U.S. Atlantic 
 Seaboard shutting down communication and transportation lines. 
 More than 400 people died.(March 11-14) 
1900 British Prime Minister Lord Salisbury rejected the peace 
 overtures offered from the Boer leader Paul Kruger. 
1901 Britain rejected an amended treaty to the canal agreement 
 with Nicaragua. 
1901 U.S. Steel was formed when industrialist J.P. Morgan 
 purchased Carnegie Steep Corp. The event made Andrew Carnegie 
 the world's richest man. 
1904 After 30 years of drilling, the north tunnel under the 
 Hudson River was holed through. The link was between Jersey 
 City, NJ, and New York, NY. 
1905 The Parisian subway was officially inaugurated. 
1907 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt induced California to 
 revoke its anti-Japanese legislation. 
1935 The German Air Force became an official department of 
 the Reich. 
1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt authorized the 
 Lend-Lease Act, which authorized the act of providing war 
 supplies to the Allies Ammo convoys to England and Russia). 
1946 Pravda exposed Winston Churchill as anti-Soviet and 
 a warmonger. 
1965 The American navy began inspecting Vietnamese junks in 
 an effort to end arms smuggling to the South. 
1969 Levi-Strauss started selling bell-bottomed jeans. 
1978 Bobby Hull (Winnipeg Jets) joined Gordie Howe by getting 
 his 1,000th career goal. 
1988 A cease-fire was declared in the war between Iran and Iraq. 
1990 Lithuania declared its independence from the Soviet Union. 
 It was the first Soviet republic to break away from 
 Communist control. 
1992 Former U.S. President Nixon said that the Bush 
 administration was not giving enough economic aid 
 to Russia. 
1993 North Korea withdrew from the Nuclear Non-Proliferation 
 Treaty refusing to open sites for inspection. 
1997 An explosion at a nuclear waste reprocessing plant caused 
 35 workers to be exposed to low levels of radioactivity. The 
 incident was the worst in Japan's history. 
1998 The International Astronomical Union issued an alert that 
 said that a mile-wide asteroid could come very close to, and 
 possibly hit, Earth on Oct. 26, 2028. The next day NASA's 
 Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that there was no chance 
 the asteroid would hit Earth. 
2002 Two columns of light were pointed skyward from ground 
 zero in New York as a temporary memorial to the victims of 
 the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. 
2015  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 10

Thank you Jim, HMCM, USN
Thank you Larry!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
teenage burglars, who thought ashes were dope
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
0241 BC The Roman fleet sank 50 Carthaginian ships in the 
 Battle of Aegusa. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular. Adlai E. Stevenson Jr. (1900 - 1965) ______________________________________________________ Farmer Josh killed a pig and hung it up for the night, intending to butcher it in the morning, but the next day it was gone. He didn't tell a soul about it, and nothing happened for more than two months. Then another farmer, who lived down the road, came by and said, "By the way Josh, did you ever find out who stole your pig?" "Nope," said Josh. "Not until just now." ______________________________________________________ When Nathan Radlich's house was burgled, thieves left his TV, his VCR, and even left his watch. What they did take was "generic white cardboard box filled with greyish-white powder." (That at least is the way the police described it.) A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale police said "that it looked similar to cocaine and they'd probably thought they'd hit the big time." Then Nathan stood in front of the TV cameras and pleaded with the burglars: "Please return the cremated remains of my sister, Gertrude. She died three years ago." Well, the next morning, the bullet-riddled corpse of a drug dealer known as Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan's doorstep. The cardboard box was there too; about half of Gertrude's ashes remained. And there was this note. It said: "Hoochie sold us the bogus blow, so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry we snorted your sister. No hard feelings. Have a nice day." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture The dark layers are rain and run-off from a mountain
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD Devin Gesell 17, St. Peters, Missouri Teen Burglar Devin Gesell Tasted Dead Man's Stolen Ashes, Thought They Were Cocaine He looks like the cops told him about the story of Hoochie. Back in November 2014, a trio of accused teenaged burglars in St. Peters, Missouri, happened upon a wooden box while they were pilfering jewelry, Xbox consoles and prescription medication at a home, The Smoking Gun reports. The two teens who broke into the home looked inside, saw some powder and assuming it was cocaine, nicked the box as well. It turns out that the box contained the cremated remains of the burglary victim's father. As they drove away from the scene, 17-year-old Devin Gesell, who told cops he'd acted as a lookout, tasted the contents of the box to make sure his 15 and 16-year-old accomplices had in fact stolen a box of blow, according to the police report. Gesell determined the powder was not cocaine, and promptly chucked the container out the window of the car. The victim, Deborah Matthews, said she and her family were away visiting relatives in California for Thanksgiving when the break-in occurred. She couldn't believe the teens stole her father's ashes. "I was sick, sick to my stomach," Matthews told KSDK. Cops were able to find Gesell by tracking the IP address of one of the stolen Xboxes. Gesell was charged Friday with multiple felonies. His companions face charges as juveniles and were not identified. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sam Re: Submitting to Search Engines Dear Webby, I usually submit my sites to about a dozen search engines after every uopdate. Id that a waste of time? Sam Dear Sam Yes, it is. Submitting has been abused too much, and all the serious search engines ignore it. Good, clean HTML and lots of text will get you catalogued well. INcoming links from other sites will notify the search engine robots to crawl your site and catalog them. Meta text on top is also a waste of time. It has been abused way too much and proven a total nuisance. Some search engines actually penalize you, if you have meta stuff on top. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Rosita got lost in her car in a snowstorm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got lost in a snowstorm, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot now, but you can follow me over to K-Mart" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Magazine Cover Bows Did you know that magazine covers can be curled just like curling ribbon? I'm sure you have tons of magazines around. Get cracking with the strips of paper, scissors, and glue sticks. It looks fabulous especially when some are left straight. Directions: By lnygaard [93] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ From today in 2001 ===From My-Lil-Empress Dear Dear Webby I wish I could tell you how grateful I am to you for keeping my husband and coach alive even though he died in an accident four years ago today. While everybody else calls me nicknames like "half-pint" and "evil-runt" and worse, Roy always called me "My-Lil-Empress" and in his eyes I was a real person, not just a half size. The more everybody else put me down, the more Roy always did things to build up my self confidence and make me feel good about myself. Giving me a subscription to the Humor Letter under the name that he used for me, that was one of those things. Even though he is long dead, every morning when the Humor Letter greets me with "Dear My-Lil-Empress !", it's Roy boosting me up, and even though I am only 4' 6", I walk tall ! Thanks Roy, and Thanks Webby! My-Lil-Empress=== Dear My-Lil-Empress It's real people like you who are the reason that I don't mind if the sky turns pink in the east before my previous day's shift is over, as long as the Humor Letter goes out. DearWebby _____________________________________________________ During a friendly argument, Jim asked his wife why she married him in the first place. "I was just stupid," she teased. When he said he was happy to hear that, she was surprised and requested an explanation. "Well, people get divorced all the time because they fall out of love," he said. "But I've never heard of anybody falling out of stupid." ____________________________________________________
Worse Days

Today in 
0241 BC The Roman fleet sank 50 Carthaginian ships in the 
 Battle of Aegusa. 
0049 BC Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon and invaded Italy. 
1496 Christopher Columbus concluded his second visit to the 
 Western Hemisphere when he left Hispaniola for Spain. 
1629 England's King Charles I dissolved Parliament and did 
 not call it back for 11 years. 
1792 John Stone patented the pile driver. 
1804 The formal ceremonies transferring the Louisiana Purchase 
 from France to the U.S. took place in St. Louis. 
1806 The Dutch in Cape Town, South Africa surrendered to the 
 British. 
1814 In France, Napoleon Bonaparte was defeated by a combined 
 Allied Army at the battle of Laon. 
1848 The U.S. Senate ratified the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, 
 which ended the war with Mexico. 
1876 Alexander Graham Bell made the first successful call with 
 the telephone. He spoke the words "Mr. Watson, come here, 
 I want to see you." 
1893 New Mexico State University canceled its first graduation 
 ceremony because the only graduate was robbed and killed the 
 night before. 
1902 The Boers of South Africa scored their last victory over 
 the British, when they captured British General Methuen 
 and 200 men. 
1902 Tochangri, Turkey, was entirely wiped out by an earthquake. 
1903 Harry C. Gammeter patented the multigraph duplicating machine. 
1903 In New York's harbor, the disease-stricken ship Karmania 
 was quarantined with six dead from cholera. 
1906 In France, 1,200 miners were buried in an explosion at 
 Courrieres. 
1909 Britain extracted territorial concessions from 
 Siam and Malaya. 
1910 Slavery was abolished in China. 
1912 China became a republic after the overthrow of the 
 Manchu Ch'ing Dynasty. 
1924 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a New York state law forbidding 
 late-night work for women. 
1927 Prussia lifted its Nazi ban allowing Adolf Hitler to 
 speak in public. 
1933 Nevada became the first U.S. state to regulate drugs. 
1941 Vichy France threatened to use its navy unless Britain 
 allowed food to reach France. 
1944 The Irish refused to oust all Axis envoys and denied 
 the accusation of spying on Allied troops. 
1945 American B-29 bombers attacked Tokyo, Japan, 100,000 were killed. 
1949 Nazi wartime broadcaster Mildred E. Gillars, also known as 
 "Axis Sally," was convicted in Washington, DC. Gillars was 
 convicted of treason and served 12 years in prison. 
1953 North Korean gunners at Wonsan fired upon the USS Missouri. 
 The ship responded by firing 998 rounds at the enemy position. 
 They almost hit the North Koreans.
1966 The North Vietnamese captured a Green Beret camp at 
 Ashau Valley. 
1966 France withdrew from NATO's military command to protest 
 U.S. dominance of the alliance and asked NATO to move its 
 headquarters from Paris. 
1969 James Earl Ray pled guilty in Memphis, TN, to the 
 assassination of Martin Luther King Jr. Ray later repudiated 
 the guilty plea and maintained his innocence until his death 
 in April of 1998. 
1975 The North Vietnamese Army attacked the South Vietnamese 
 town of Ban Me Thout. 
1980 Iran's leader, Ayatollah Khomeini, lent his support to 
 the militants holding American hostages in Tehran. 
1982 The U.S. banned Libyan oil imports due to their 
 continued support of terrorism. 
1990 Haitian President Prosper Avril was ousted 18 months 
 after seizing power in a coup. 
1991 "Phase Echo" began. It was the operation to withdraw 
 540,000 U.S. troops from the Persian Gulf region. 
1994 White House officials began testifying before a federal 
 grand jury about the Whitewater controversy. 
1998 U.S. troops in the Persian Gulf began receiving the 
 first vaccinations against anthrax. 
2002 The Associated Press reported that the Pentagon informed 
 the U.S. Congress in January that it was making contingency 
 plans for the possible use of nuclear weapons against 
 countries that threaten the U.S. with weapons of mass 
 destruction, including Iraq and North Korea. 
2003 North Korea test-fired a short-range missile. The event 
 was one of several in a pattern of unusual military maneuvers.
2015  smiled.


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65,000 Search Engines 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, March 9

In case your clocks are confusing you,
we are now on Summer time.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Dean, who shot a student in the head
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 

More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
He who excuses himself accuses himself. --- Gabriel Meurier ______________________________________________________ Tom was in his early 50’s retired and started a second career. However, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Everyday, 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, real sharp, so the Boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day he called him into the office for a talk. "Tom, I have to tell you. I like your work ethic. You do a bang-up job, but you're being late so often is quite bothersome." "Yes, I know Boss, and I am working on it." "Well, good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though, you're coming in late. I know you're retired from the Air Force. What did they say if you came in late there?" They said, "Good morning, General." ______________________________________________________ A tourist parked his car in downtown Washington, D.C. He said to a man standing near the curb, "Listen, I'm going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?" "What?" the man huffed. "Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Senate?" "Well no," the tourist said, "I didn't realize that. Guess I better find somebody a bit more respectable." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Walter, the Stonecarver. An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shaun Harrison, 55, Boston Dean shot student in the head By all appearances Shaun Harrison was living an exemplary life. He was a dean at a Boston public high school. He mentored young people. And, Harrison regularly attended services at a local church for a decade, before leaving in 2012, according to the church's pastor. Now, Harrison is charged with armed assault with intent to murder, aggravated assault and battery with a dangerous weapon. He's also facing multiple weapons charges. Harrison is accused of shooting one of his students in the head. While he was working as "dean of academy" at English High, Harrison was also running a marijuana distribution enterprise, according to Suffolk County Assistant District Attorney, David Bradley. At an arraignment hearing Thursday, Bradley said the 55-year-old now-former dean shot a 17-year-old student he had allegedly hired to sell marijuana. The teenager, who called Harrison "Rev" told authorities he was regularly mentored by Harrison, according to police documents. Bradley said in a news release that the two got into a dispute after leaving Harrison's home Tuesday evening. They were walking along a street when Harrison then "produced a handgun, pointed it at the back of the victim's head and fired," Bradley said in a news release. The incident was captured on surveillance footage, but the police have not released it yet. The teen, who has not been named by police yet, was shot behind the right ear, according to a police report. He is expected to survive his injuries, Bradley's release said. Harrison had worked in various positions with the Boston Public Schools since 2010. He had been "dean of academy" at English High School since January 5, where "he provided services, like finding housing for homeless students or social services or disciplinary alternatives to suspension," said Denise Snyder, a representative for Boston Public Schools. His employment has been "terminated effective immediately," Snyder said. The Rev. Dr. Gregory Groover, pastor of the Charles Street AME Church where Harrison attended services said the allegations against Harrison aren't consistent with the man he knows. "I was stunned beyond description," Groover said when he heard about Harrison's arrest. Groover said Harrison was already an ordained Baptist minister when he came to the Charles Street AME Church. He recalled Harrison usually attended services alone, but he "got along with everyone." "He seemed to consistently care with a deep heart for saving young people who were in the streets or gang related, prison-involved," Groover said. "That was the population that his life seemed to center around." A not guilty plea was automatically entered on Harrison's behalf. He posted $250,000 bail and is under house arrest, according to police documents. He has been ordered to "stay away and have no contact with the victim" and wear a GPS monitor, the DA's release said. He is scheduled to be back in court on April 6. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Irene Re: 65,000 Search Engines Dear Webby, I got an ad from a seemingly respectable company about submitting my site to 65,000 different search engines for $129. Is that a good deal? Irene Dear Irene How many different search engines do you use? One? Two? How many different search engines do your clients use? Search for example for recognize a spoof on Google, MSN, Yahoo. They all will show you relevant and useful answers, and there is no need to check any other search engines. In addition to that, the better search engines totally ignore submissions, especially from paid submission services. If you know of any search engine that specializes on your topic and is used by your clients, you can try submitting your site to that one. Save your money, and send 10% of it to me. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ After a spring break, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent the holidays. One child wrote the following: "We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona. Now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed, because it is all right now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts. My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night, "Early Birds". Some of the people can't get past the man in the doll house to go out. So the ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck. My Grandma says Grandpa's worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded some day too. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Styrofoam Peanuts in Bottom of Hanging Baskets When planting hanging baskets, put Styrofoam peanuts in the bottom instead of stones. The plants do not stand in water and the baskets will not be so heavy. By soochatty from Middletown, DE ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A little boy and girl are playing in a sandbox. The little boy has to go to take a pee and he was told by his mother to always Be Polite and don't talk about private matters in public. At first he holds it in for a little while because he does not know what to say to the little girl to excuse himself. Then he remembers what his Mom had said at the restaurant to excuse herself from the table. So he turns to the little girl and says "Will you excuse me I have to go powder my nose". And saying that he leaps out of the sandbox and runs to the washroom. When he comes back the little girl looks up at him and asks "Did you powder your nose?" "Yes" said the little boy stepping back into the sandbox. "Well then" says the little girl, "You'd better close your purse because your lipstick is hanging out!" _____________________________________________________ The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good. Private Brandy will be setting the pace on our morning run.' With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Brandy was overweight and terribly slow. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement: "Now for the bad news. Private Brandy will be driving the ambulance, that we might need for those who don't manage to stay ahead of me." ____________________________________________________
Awesome Machines

Today in 
1617 The Treaty of Stolbovo ended the occupation of Northern 
 Russia by Swedish troops. 
1734 The Russians took Danzig (Gdansk) in Poland. 
1745 The first carillon was shipped from England to Boston, MA. 
1788 Connecticut became the 5th state to join the United States. 
1793 Jean Pierre Blanchard made the first balloon flight in 
 North America. The event was witnessed by U.S. President 
 George Washington. 
1796 Napoleon Bonaparte and Josephine de Beauharnais were 
 married. They were divorced in 1809. 
1799 The U.S. Congress contracted with Simeon North, of 
 Berlin, CT, for 500 horse pistols at the price of $6.50 each.
1812 Swedish Pomerania was seized by Napoleon. 
1822 Charles M. Graham received the first patent for 
 artificial teeth. 
1839 The French Academy of Science announced the 
 Daguerreotype photo process. 
1858 Albert Potts was awarded a patent for the letter box. 
1862 During the U.S. Civil War, the ironclads Monitor and 
 Virginia fought to a draw in a five-hour battle at Hampton 
 Roads, Virginia. 
1897 A patent was issued to William Spinks and William 
 Hoskins for cue chalk. 
1905 In Egypt, U.S. archeologist Davies discovered the royal 
 tombs of Tua and Yua. 
1905 In Manchuria, Japanese troops surrounded 200,000 
 Russian troops that were retreating from Mudken. 
1905 In Congo, Belgian Vice Gov. Costermans committed suicide 
 following an investigation of colonial policy. 
1906 In the Philippines, fifteen Americans and 600 Moros were 
 killed in the last two days of fighting. 
1909 The French National Assembly passed an income tax bill. 
1911 The funding for five new battleships was added to the 
 British military defense budget. 
1916 Mexican raiders led by Pancho Villa attacked Columbus, 
 New Mexico. 17 people were killed by the 1,500 horsemen. 
1932 Eamon De Valera was elected president of the Irish Free 
 State and pledged to abolish all loyalty to the British Crown. 
1936 The German press warned that all Jews who vote in the 
 upcoming elections would be arrested. 
1945 During World War II, U.S. B-29 bombers launched incendiary 
 bomb attacks against Japan. 
1946 The A.F.L. accused Juan Peron of using the army to establish 
 a dictatorship over Argentine labor. 
1949 The first all-electric dining car was placed in service on 
 the Illinois Central Railroad. 
1954 WNBT-TV (now WNBC-TV), in New York, broadcast the first local 
 color television commercials. The ad was Castro Decorators of 
 New York City. (New York) 
1956 British authorities arrested and deported Archbishop Makarios 
 from Cyprus. He was accused of supporting terrorists. 
1957 Egyptian leader Nasser barred U.N. plans to share the tolls 
 for the use of the Suez Canal. 
1959 Mattel introduced Barbie at the annual Toy Fair in New York. 
1964 Production began on the first Ford Mustang. 
1965 The first U.S. combat troops arrived in South Vietnam. 
1967 Svetlana Alliluyeva, Josef Stalin's daughter defected to 
 the United States. 
1975 Work began on the Alaskan oil pipeline. 
1975 Iraq launched an offensive against the rebel Kurds. 
1977 About a dozen armed Hanafi Muslims invaded three buildings 
 in Washington, DC. They killed one person and took more than 130 
 hostages. The siege ended two days later. 
1983 The official Soviet news agency TASS says that U.S. President 
 Reagan is full of "bellicose lunatic anti-communism." 
1986 U.S. Navy divers found the crew compartment of the space 
 shuttle Challenger along with the remains of the astronauts. 
1989 In the U.S., a strike forced Eastern Airlines into 
 bankruptcy. 
1989 In the U.S., President George H.W. Bush urged for a 
 mandatory death penalty in drug-related killings. 
1993 Rodney King testified at the federal trial of four Los 
 Angeles police officers accused of violating his civil rights.
1995 The Canadian Navy arrested a Spanish trawler for illegally 
 fishing off of Newfoundland. 
2000 In Norway, the coalition government of Kjell Magne Bondevik 
 resigned as a result of an environmental dispute.
2015  smiled.


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Email substitute 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, March 8

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Ohio man called 911 to report wife stole his cocaine
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
0322 BC Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, died. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. --- Jay Leno (1950 - ) ______________________________________________________ On vacation one year Joe went to a resort in Wyoming. As part of the usual activities, a neighboring ranch invited guests from the resort to participate in a cattle drive. After watching 20 make-believe cowpokes whooping and hollering, Joe rode up to the ranch-owner and asked her how many cowboys it normally takes to drive a herd of that size. "One," she replied, "and yappy dog. It's the noise that'll get the cattle to move." ______________________________________________________ "My wooden leg was hurting me something fierce last night," complained Art. "That's impossible," said his neighbour, "How can a wooden leg hurt you?" The vet replied, "My old lady hit me over the head with it when I came home drunk." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture North-Yorkshire
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michelle Smart, 30, Spartanburg, South Carolina Denied Sex, Woman Pulled Gun On Boyfriend -After having her “sexual advances” rejected by her live-in boyfriend, a South Carolina woman allegedly threatened to shoot her beau, cops allege. Ryan Rucker, 33, was sleeping early yesterday when Michelle Smart, by her own admission, “attempted to make some sexual advances toward” him, according to a police report detailing the 2 AM incident. Rucker told cops that he pushed the 30-year-old Smart off of him, which prompted an argument during which Smart “told him she would shoot him with his own gun, because she has the gun now.” Smart told officers that after Rucker “rejected her and pushed her off of him,” he punched and kicked her multiple times. Cops noted that Smart “continually was changing her story throughout the investigation,” adding that, “For these reasons, Ms. Smart’s account became less believable.” Smart, judged the “primary aggressor” by cops, was arrested for domestic violence since Rucker “feared for his safety when Ms. Smart pulled the gun out and threatened to use it.” Cops seized a Ruger handgun and six bullets, which were placed into evidence. Seen in the above mug shot, Smart spent about eight hours in custody before bonding out of jail Sunday afternoon on the misdemeanor charge. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Email Substitute Webby, Hi Webby: A lady asked "I want a toolbar so I can forward e-mail to without having to open outlook express. I am not to thrill with google toolbar." Any suggestions or remedies? Thanks, Bill Dear Bill I would recommend a steady diet of Smarties and competent supervision. To forward email without opening her email program she would have to delve deeper into spirituology than I want to venture. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ In the dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights. Dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets. Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most frequent target was the resident assistant. Approaching his room one afternoon, he noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door's edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he thought, 'Those crazy guys actually thought they could fool me with that old gag!' It was then he realized that "those crazy guys" had removed the drainpipe beneath the sink and turned the "U" shaped part of it to point just below his waistline. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bracelet to Fix Broken Camera Hinge After someone accidentally broke my camera's hinged opening, I couldn't keep it closed to use it anymore. Rather than get another one, I tried fitting one of those rubber bracelets around the camera to hold it shut. Works perfectly! By Donna [204] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but was meeting with considerable sales resistance. "Shucks, I'd sooner spend my money on a cow," said the farmer. "Ah," replied the salesman, "but think how silly you'd look riding around on a cow." "Humph!" retorted the farmer. "Not near as silly as you would look trying to milk a bicycle!" _____________________________________________________ An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what's wrong with me." "Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor, "Do you drink much?" "Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaler. Never touch a drop." "How about smoking?" asked the doctor. "Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it." "Well, uh." asked the doctor, "do you have much sex life?" "Oh, no," said the man. "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by 9:30 every night and I always have been." The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked, "Do you have pains in your head?" "Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head." "O.K.," said the doctor. "That's your trouble. Your halo is on too tight!! _____________________________________________________
Awesome Machines

Today in 
1618 Johann Kepler discovered the third Law of Planetary Motion. 
1702 England's Queen Anne took the throne upon the death of 
 King William III. 
1782 The Gnadenhutten massacre took place. About 90 Indians 
 were killed by militiamen in Ohio in retaliation for raids 
 carried out by other Indians. 
1855 A train passed over the first railway suspension bridge 
 at Niagara Falls, NY. 
1880 U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes declared that the 
 United States would have jurisdiction over any canal built 
 across the isthmus of Panama. 
1887 The telescopic fishing rod was patented by Everett 
 Horton. 
1911 British Minister of Foreign Affairs Edward Gray declared 
 that Britain would not support France in the event of a 
 military conflict. 
1933 Self-liquidating scrip money was issued for the first 
 time at Franklin, IN. 
1941 Martial law was proclaimed in Holland in order to 
 extinguish any anti-Nazi protests. 
1942 During World War II, Japanese forces captured Rangoon, 
 Burma. 
1943 Japanese forces attacked American troops on Hill 700 
 in Bougainville. The battle lasted five days. 
1946 The French naval fleet arrived at Haiphong, Vietnam. 
1948 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that religious instruction 
 in public schools was unconstitutional. 
1965 The U.S. landed about 3,500 Marines in South Vietnam. They 
 were the first U.S. combat troops to land in Vietnam. 
1966 Australia announced that it would triple the number of 
 troops in Vietnam. 
1982 The U.S. accused the Soviets of killing 3,000 Afghans 
 with poison gas. 
1989 In Lhasa, Tibet, martial law was declared after three days 
 of protest against Chinese rule. 
1999 The White House, under President Bill Clinton, directed 
 the firing of nuclear scientist Wen Ho Lee from his job at the 
 Los Alamos National Laboratory. The firing was a result of 
 alleged security violations. 
2005 In norther Chechnya, Chechen rebel leader Aslan Maskhadov 
 was killed during a raid by Russian forces.
2015  smiled.


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W7 freezes without notice 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, March 7

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Ohio man called 911 to report wife stole his cocaine
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
0322 BC Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, died. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) ______________________________________________________ A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window... "Pull over!" "No," she shouts back, "Socks!" ______________________________________________________ Frantic Woman on phone: "Doctor, my Son just swallowed a nickel, and he's coughing up dimes. What do I do?!?" Doctor: "Keep feeding him Nickels!!!" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robert Collins, 39, Alliance, Ohio Man Calls 911 To Report Wife Stole His Cocaine March 6 An Ohio man called 911 to report that his wife had stolen his cocaine, according to cops who subsequently arrested him on drug and other charges. Robert Collins, 39, dialed the police emergency line late Wednesday night to report the cocaine theft, according to an Alliance Police Department report that does not detail the wherabouts of Collins’s spouse or the cocaine. When officers arrived at Collins’s residence, he apparently had a change of heart and “refused to tell police why he called 911.” Investigators reported that Collins, who “had a pipe used to smoke marijuana in his possession,” was “arrested and charged with misuse of 911 and drug paraphernalia.” He also had an active arrest warrant in connection with a 2013 criminal case. Collins, pictured above, was booked into the Stark County jail on the misdemeanor counts. He is scheduled for arraignment today in Municipal Court in Alliance, a city about 60 miles from Cleveland. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ann Re: Computer freezing up Webby, Hi Webby: Hope all is going good with you. I have a quick question. My PC keeps freezing up and no matter what browser I use it still freezes. I am currently using the up to date Firefox. I tried everything to fix this, ran malware, anti virus, Mr. Fix it, etc. they can't find a thing wrong. Can you help??? Using Windows 7 Home, PC is 7 years old Ann Dear Ann That sounds like a connection problem. Connection problems are a real nuisance, because you can't really test anything, while the PC is frozen. Sometimes you can hit CTRL SHIFT ESC and start the task manager, and from there end programs, that are not needed at the moment. At the same time, look for programs in there, that are new or unusual. You can sort the programs various different ways. I prefer "Processes", and dump the ones, that hog too many resources. Even though the jam had been caused by connectivity problems, taking a load off the machine usually helps it to recover. To sort out connectivity problems you have to contact your ISP. On a long shot, it could also be possible, that your Adobe Flash Player is out of date and needs to be updated. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside? A: K9P ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Lemon and Baking Soda for Cleaning Microwave To get the caked on food in your microwave to wipe right off, follow this tip. I learned this years ago and it makes my life a little easier. Fill a microwave-safe container with water. I add a few lemon slices and a few tablespoons of baking soda to remove any odors. Microwave on high for 3 minutes. Let the container stay in the microwave for about 5 minutes. It will create a sauna in there. After 5 minutes, carefully remove the container and wipe down the inside of the microwave. It will come off so easily. By Becky [28] A saucer full of water is plenty, unless you let beans explode and cake to the walls and ceiling of the microwave for years. An easy tip to avoid the mess in the first place is to use a plastic cake cover to cover your food, and once a season toss the cake cover into the dishwater. Disposable "Cake Domes" cost about ten cents. Get one with a handle molded into the top, not the expensive ones with metal handles. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Monica N. wrote: "... I was wandering around the 'net recently, and GOSH! I found a whole bunch of PHILATELISTS. And then I discovered groups populated by THESPIANS and HOMO SAPIENS. And I found hundreds -- not dozens, but HUNDREDS -- of educational institutions funded by MY TAX DOLLARS... teaching people to MATRICULATE. We need to pass laws to control the Internet and protect our children!" _____________________________________________________ Morris complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis." The doctor got rather upset that his word was doubted and yelled: "You just wait until the autopsy, then you will see that I was right." _____________________________________________________
Animals have a sense of humor.

Today in 
0322 BC Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, died. 
1774 The British closed the port of Boston to all commerce. 
1799 In Palestine, Napoleon captured Jaffa and his men 
 massacred more than 2,000 Albanian prisoners. 
1848 In Hawaii, the Great Mahele was signed. 
1849 The Austrian Reichstag was dissolved. 
1854 Charles Miller received a patent for the sewing machine. 
1876 Alexander Graham Bell received a patent for his telephone. 
1901 It was announced that blacks had been found enslaved in 
 parts of South Carolina. 
1904 The Japanese bombed the Russian town of Vladivostok. 
1904 In Springfield, OH, a mob broke into a jail and shot a 
 black man accused of murder. 
1906 Finland granted women the right to vote. 
1908 Cincinnati's Mayor Leopold Markbreit announced before 
 the city council that, "Women are not physically fit to 
 operate automobiles." 
1911 Willis Farnworth patented the coin-operated locker. 
1911 In the wake of the Mexican Revolution, the U.S. sent 
 20,000 troops to the border of Mexico. 
1918 Finland signed an alliance treaty with Germany. 
1925 The Soviet Red Army occupied Outer Mongolia. 
1933 The board game Monopoly was invented. 
1935 Malcolm Campbell set an auto speed record of 276.8 mph 
 in Florida. 
1936 Hitler sent German troops into the Rhineland in 
 violation of the Locarno Pact and the Treaty of Versailles. 
1942 Japanese troops landed on New Guinea. 
1945 During World War II, U.S. forces crossed the Rhine River 
 at Remagen, Germany. 
1951 U.N. forces in Korea under General Matthew Ridgeway launched 
 Operation Ripper against the Chinese. 
1954 Russia appeared for the first time in ice-hockey competition. 
 Russia defeated Canada 7-2 to win the world ice-hockey title in 
 Stockholm, Sweden. 
1959 Melvin C. Garlow became the first pilot to fly over a 
 million miles in jet airplanes. 
1965 State troopers and a sheriff's posse broke up a march by 
 civil rights demonstrators in Selma, AL. 
1968 The Battle of Saigon came to an end. 
1971 A thousand U.S. planes bombed Cambodia and Laos. 
1981 Anti-government guerrillas in Colombia executed the 
 kidnapped American Bible translator Chester Allen Bitterman. 
 The guerrillas accused Bitterman of being a CIA agent. 
1987 Mike Tyson became the youngest heavyweight titleholder 
 when he beat James Smith in a decision during a 12-round 
 fight in Las Vegas, NV. 
1989 Poland accused the Soviet Union of a World War II 
 massacre in Katyn. 
1994 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that parodies that poke 
 fun at an original work can be considered "fair use" that 
 does not require permission from the copyright holder. 
1994 In Moldova, a referendum was rejected by 90% of voters 
 to form a union with Rumania. 
2002 A federal judge awarded Anna Nicole Smith more than 
 $88 million in damages. The ruling was the latest in a legal 
 battle over the estate of Smith's late husband, 
 J. Howard Marshall II. 
2009 NASA's Kepler Mission, a space photometer for searching 
 for extrasolar planets in the Milky Way galaxy, was launched 
 from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, Florida. 
2015  smiled.


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Page numbering in Open Office 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, March 6
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


The moon is full. 
Morning stars are Mercury, Neptune and Saturn. 
Evening stars are Jupiter, Mars, Uranus and Venus. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Floriduh idiot, who shot his sister with a BB gun after
she gave him a penis shaped birthday cake. 
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1997 Britain's Queen Elizabeth II launched the first official 
 royal Web site. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. --- George Burns (1896 - 1996) ______________________________________________________ My sister landed a good job with an accounting firm, and after a while she got a generous raise. The day she found out about it, her husband picked her up from work, and they stopped for ice cream. As they continued home, my sister blurted out, "Isn't it hard to believe that I have a job that pays this much money?" Just then, she went to toss the last of her ice cream cone out the window. However, the window was closed, and it smacked against the glass. Her husband replied dryly, "Yes." ______________________________________________________ Shelia walked into the kitchen to find her husband, Fred, stalking around with a fly swatter. "And what are we doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies" he responded. "Oh? Killing any?" she asked, with a smirk. "Yep! Got 4 males, 3 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How the heck can you tell?" "Simple." He replied, "4 were on a beer can, 3 were on the phone." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Cloudfall
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christopher Taft, 21, Holly Hill, Florida Man Shoots Sister With BB Gun Over Phallic Birthday Cake When Christopher Taft's sister made him a penis-shaped birthday cake on Sunday, it was supposed to be a joke. What happened next is no laughing matter: Taft allegedly shot her in the buttocks, according to the Florida Sun-Sentinel. The incident happened at Taft's home in Holly Hill, Florida, at a party honoring his 21st birthday. When Taft's sister brought out the penis-shaped cake, he thought it was a funny prank. However, he allegedly thought one good turn deserved another. So Taft allegedly shot the sister in the buttocks with a BB gun, ClickOrlando.com reports. The BB shot from Taft's gun got embedded in his sister's skin, requiring her to go to a local hospital, according to the New York Daily News. The sister, whose name and age have not been released, called the cops on Taft, who was arrested on aggravated battery and battery, according to the Daily Mail. Taft's sister declined to press charges, but he was taken to the Volusia County Jail anyway. He has since been released. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Walter Re: Page Numbering in Open Office Webby, Hi Dear Webby, I have another question for the foremost answer man. How can I insert continuing page numbers with Open Office similar to what is possible with Microsoft 'Word'? As always, my sincerest thanks, Be well, live long, and prosper, Walter Dear Walter The short answer is: Put your cursor where you want the numbers, Click on Insert > Fields > Page Number That's all. If you want ALL the info like putting the numbers and book title into the headers, or restarting the numbering after a preface or index, go to Page Numbering in OO Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Judge: "You admit breaking into the dress shop four times?" Defendant: "Yes, your honor." Judge: "What did you steal?" Defendant: "A dress, Your Honor." Judge: "One dress? And yet you admit breaking in four times!" Defendant: "Well, your Honor, you see the first three times my wife didn't like the color." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Your Sewing Scissors Whether you have kids, grandkids, or even a husband, your sewing scissors may be in danger! If you have a nice pair of sewing scissors, you probably try to keep them hidden so that they aren't used on paper or glue-covered projects. Well here is a solution, it may be excessive, but not in my house. :) Find or purchase a small padlock that will fit through both parts of the handle and lock them up when not in use. Now they can't be used. I found a lock that had a flexible cable that worked really well and even allowed me to lock up my little snipping scissors. By lalala... [584] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ One morning as Professor Thompson was leaving for the college his wife told her absent-minded husband, "Don't forget we are moving today. If you come to this house this afternoon it will be empty." Predictably he didn't remember until he found the house vacated that afternoon. He mumbled to himself, "And where was it we were moving to?" He went out in front of the house and asked a little girl, "Did you see a moving van here today, little girl?" "Yes," she replied. "Can you tell me which way it went?" She looked up at him and said, "Yes, Daddy, I'll show you." _____________________________________________________ We had spent the day moving from our farmhouse into our new house in town. Early the next morning, our 3 1/2-year old ran into our bedroom to wake us up. I dressed him and told him to play in the yard and to quit bothering us. About 20 minutes later, he came running back. "Mommy, Mommy," he exclaimed, "everybody here has doorbells.... ... and they all work." _____________________________________________________
It's mesmerizing to watch this murmuration of starlings move as one in the air.

Today in 
1521 Ferdinand Magellan discovered Guam. 
1820 The Missouri Compromise was enacted by the U.S. Congress 
 and signed by U.S. President James Monroe. The act admitted 
 Missouri into the Union as a slave state, but prohibited 
 slavery in the rest of the northern Louisiana Purchase territory.
1834 The city of York in Upper Canada was incorporated as Toronto. 
1836 The thirteen-day siege of the Alamo by Santa Anna and his
 army ended. The Mexican army of three thousand men defeated 
 the 189 Texan volunteers. Remember the Alamo!
1854 At the Washington Monument, several men stole the Pope's 
 Stone from the lapidarium. 
1899 Aspirin was patented by German researchers Felix Hoffman 
 and Hermann Dreser. 
1900 In West Virginia, an explosion trapped 50 coal miners 
 underground. 
1901 An assassin tried to kill Wilhelm II of Germany in Bremen. 
1928 A Communist attack on Peking, China resulted in 3,000 dead 
 and 50,000 fled to Swatow. 
1939 In Spain, Jose Miaja took over the Madrid government after 
 a military coup and vowed to seek "peace with honor." 
1944 During World War II, U.S. heavy bombers began the first 
 American raid on Berlin. Allied planes dropped 2000 tons of 
 bombs. 
1946 Ho Chi Minh, the President of Vietnam, struck an agreement 
 with France that recognized his country as an autonomous 
 state within the Indochinese Federation and the French Union. 
1947 Winston Churchill announced that he opposed British troop 
 withdrawals from India. 
1947 The first air-conditioned naval ship, "The Newport News," 
 was launched from Newport News, VA. 
1957 The British African colonies of the Gold Coast and Togoland 
 became the independent state of Ghana. 
1960 Switzerland granted women the right to vote in municipal 
 elections. 
1960 The United States announced that it would send 3,500 troops 
 to Vietnam. 
1967 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson announced his plan to 
 establish a draft lottery. 
1970 Charles Manson released his album "Lies" to finance his 
 defense against murder charges. 
1973 U.S. President Richard Nixon imposed price controls on 
 oil and gas. 
1975 Iran and Iraq announced that they had settled their 
 border dispute. 
1980 Islamic militants in Tehran said that they would turn 
 over American hostages to the Revolutionary Council. 
1981 U.S. President Reagan announced a plan to cut 37,000 federal jobs. 
1985 Yul Brynner played his his 4,500th performance in the musical 
 "The King and I." 
1987 The British ferry Herald of Free Enterprise capsized in the 
 Channel off the coast of Belgium. 189 people died. 
1990 The Russian Parliament passed a law that sanctioned the 
 ownership of private property. 
1991 In Paris, five men were jailed for plotting to smuggle 
 Libyan arms to the Irish Republican Army. 
1992 The computer virus "Michelangelo" went into effect. 
1997 A gunman stole "Tete de Femme," a million-dollar Picasso 
 portrait, from a London gallery. The painting was recovered 
 a week later. 
1997 Britain's Queen Elizabeth II launched the first official 
 royal Web site. 
1998 A Connecticut state lottery accountant gunned down three 
 supervisors and the lottery chief before killing himself.
2015  smiled.


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MultiAuth Helper 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 5

Back in the saddle again!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Man Arrested With Sword In Cane Trying To Visit Jailed Son
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1912 The Italians became the first to use dirigibles for 
 military purposes. They used them for reconnaissance flights 
 behind Turkish lines west of Tripoli. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. --- Oscar Wilde ______________________________________________________ >From Roy Do What is Right! Whilst strolling round the Harbour this morning about 11 a.m., I noticed a terrorist who slipped from the quayside and fell into the water. He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the explosives he was carrying. If he didn't get help he would surely drown. Being a responsible British citizen, and abiding by the law of the land that requires you to help those in distress, I informed the Police, the Coastguard, the Immigration Office and even the Fire Dept. It is now 4 p.m., he has drowned, and none of the authorities have yet responded. I'm starting to think I wasted four stamps. ______________________________________________________ The old pastor made it to a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. He jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states. One lad snickered, "Yes, but in those days there were only 13." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jose Gonzalez 53, San Antonio Texas Man Arrested With Sword In Cane Trying To Visit Jailed Son A San Antonio man trying to visit his jailed son also landed behind bars after being caught with a combination cane and 2-foot sword. The Bexar County Sheriff's Office says 53-year-old Jose Gonzalez faces a charge of unlawfully carrying a weapon. Sheriff's spokesman James Keith said Wednesday that the cane, with a handle fashioned like the head of a snake, was confiscated. Keith says the father was able to walk through a scanner on Monday without needing the cane, which went through another security device. An alarm went off. An officer twisted off the top of the cane and drew out the sword, and the father was arrested. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jannie Re: MultiAuth Helper Webby, When I clear the history, something still shows up: MultiAuth Helper... what is that? Also I suddenly can't get two games that I was playing daily, including on Yahoo. Thanks Jannie Dear Jannie Unless you are loggin in via two different ISPs, that could indicate a serious problem. MultiAuth Helper is used to log in and authenticate with two different ISPs, for example AOL plus invisibly some pirate host in the Caribbean or North Korea. There COULD possibly be a harmless explanation. If you work next door and go online with Verizon wireless, then take your laptop home and log on at AOL, without logging off Verizon, then you would need the MultiAuth Helper to untangle the unholy pissing contest between the two ISPs. If that is not the case with you, then AOL is not your only ISP. Then some pirates are using your machine. It is doubtful, that they just copy your collection of prayers. Generally they use a slave machine for spamming and also to provide cheap long distance telephone service, especially if the pirates are in the Caribbean or North Korea. They won't run up your phone bill or do anything, that you might notice. They just use something like a Skype server or relay on your machine and let their clients use it to call different continents. Sometimes the slave machines are also used for DDOS (Distributed Denial Of Service), where they gang up tens of thousands of pirated machines to overload a target server like Sony or some Government. In summary, unless you KNOW about logging on to different ISPs or Phone providers, get some experts to get rid of it. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Before his daring escape from prison, an infamous criminal had been photographed from four different angles. The FBI sent copies of the pictures to police chiefs all across the land, with orders to notify Washington the moment an arrest was made. The next day, the Bureau received a faxed reply from the ambitious sheriff of a small Southern town: "PICTURES RECEIVED. ALL FOUR SHOT DEAD WHILE RESISTING ARREST." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Carnival-Worthy Funnel Cakes On the few occasions that we've gone to a fair or amusement park, my kids beg for the funnel cakes. I just couldn't pay so much money for a glorified donut! I was watching a cooking show one day, and they were making funnel cakes. Who knew you could make them at home? Anyway, I've tried a few different recipes and every one has come out wonderful. It's a special treat and my kids don't feel like they are missing out. Plus, it's so quick and inexpensive to make. Approximate Time: 20 minutes Yield: 3 or 4, depending on size Ingredients: 1 1/3 cup flour 3/4 tsp baking powder 1/2 tsp baking soda 1/4 tsp salt 1 egg, beaten 2 Tbsp sugar 1 cup milk oil for frying powdered sugar Add any other toppings you may want on there; ice cream, strawberries, chocolate sauce, whipped cream, etc. Steps: Sift the dry ingredients together (flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt). Whisk the egg and sugar together until mixture turns a pale yellow color. I whisked for about 2 minutes. Add milk to the egg mixture. Gently fold egg mixture into flour mixture. The batter should be a little thicker than pancake batter but thin enough to pour. Add more milk to loosen it, if needed. Pour oil into a large frying pan or pot, until it's 2 inches deep. Heat oil to 375 degrees F. In the original recipe, you are supposed to use a funnel to pour the batter into the oil. You put the batter in the funnel, keeping your finger at the bottom to plug the hole. Then, once over the oil, let the batter drizzle in a crazy pattern. Since my funnels are always missing because my kids play with them in the bathtub, I just improvised. I put the batter in a container and poured it out slowly. Cook on the first side until the funnel cake floats and is a golden brown color. Flip over. Cook until the bottom is golden brown. Take cake out of the oil and let drain on paper towels. Dust with powdered sugar. Add any additional toppings. Source: This recipe is from Sunny Anderson. By Becky [25] Connie in Arkansas City, Kansas bought me my first funnel cake at the Arkalalah! festival. That was many years ago. I almost married Connie, but when the mother of her son's fiance pressured Connie into setting a deadline for me, I left Kansas. A few months later that woman forbid Connie to attend her son's wedding and threatened to have her arrested, if she showed up. I am quite glad I escaped. Back to Funnel cakes. The ones at the Arkalahlah! were delicious, but ridiculously overpriced. So I watched very closely how they made them, and later experimented a bit. I found, just about any powder dough (not yeast) will work, anything from pancake to cake mix. One very important ingredient becky missed, is vanilla. Funnel Cake does have to have real vanilla in it. At the festival you can smell it a hundred feet away. For the oil I prefer a deep and narrow pot. Anything else splatters and makes a mess. For the funnel I use a large one with an opening just the size of a wooden spoon. I set the funnel into a jar, stick the spoon into the opening, pour the batter into the funnel, take the funnel to the almost smoking hot oil pot, raise the wooden spoon and control the flow of the batter by how much I raise the spoon. Just waving the funnel around a bit will create the required crazy pattern. You can start with figure 8's, advance to pretzels, name initials, whatever. For best results, have few cross- overs, and no parallel touches. After I have done the second side, which usually takes just a few seconds, I fish them out with a slotted spoon and put them onto an oven rack and let them drip into a cake pan. Wasting good oil on paper towel is silly. If the oil was hot enough, the funnel cakes don't feel greasy, but I still dust them a bit with icing sugar mixed with vanilla powder. They would probably consider it a sacrilege in Kansas, but I prefer funnel cakes with hot cider or mulled wine. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers, and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!" _____________________________________________________ A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, Susie?" "You know that you always have you a headache next morning after wearing that suit!" _____________________________________________________
These 29 Animals Have Made Horrible Decisions - And They REALLY Regret Them

Today in 
1623 The first alcohol temperance law in the colonies 
 was enacted in Virginia. 
1624 In the American colony of Virginia, the upper class 
 was exempted from whipping by legislation. 
1766 The first Spanish governor of Louisiana, Antonio de 
 Ulloa, arrived in New Orleans. 
1770 "The Boston Massacre" took place when British troops 
 fired on a crowd in Boston killing five people. Two 
 British troops were later convicted of manslaughter. 
1793 Austrian troops defeated the French and recaptured Liege. 
1836 Samuel Colt's Patent Arms Manufacturing of Paterson, 
 New Jersey, was chartered by the New Jersey legislature. 
1842 A Mexican force of over 500 men under Rafael Vasquez 
 invaded Texas for the first time since the revolution. 
 They briefly occupied San Antonio, but soon headed back 
 to the Rio Grande. 
1845 The U.S. Congress appropriated $30,000 to ship camels 
 to the western U.S. 
1867 An abortive Fenian uprising against English rule took 
 place in Ireland. 
1872 George Westinghouse patented the air brake. 
1900 Two U.S. battleships left for Nicaragua to halt 
 revolutionary disturbances. 
1901 Germany and Britain began negotiations with hopes of 
 creating an alliance. 
1902 In France, the National Congress of Miners decided 
 to call for a general strike for an 8-hour day. 
1907 In St. Petersburg, Russia, the new Duma opened. 
 40,000 demonstrators were dispersed by troops. 
1910 In Philadelphia, PA, 60,000 people left their jobs 
 to show support for striking transit workers. 
1912 The Italians became the first to use dirigibles for 
 military purposes. They used them for reconnaissance flights 
 behind Turkish lines west of Tripoli. 
1918 The Soviets moved the capital of Russia from Petrograd 
 to Moscow. 
1922 "Annie Oakley" (Phoebe Ann Moses) broke all existing records 
 for women's trap shooting. She hit 98 out of 100 targets. 
1923 Old-age pension laws were enacted in the states of 
 Montana and Nevada. 
1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered a four-day 
 bank holiday in order to stop large amounts of money from 
 being withdrawn from banks. 
1933 The Nazi Party won 44 percent of the vote in German 
 parliamentary elections. 
1934 In Amarillo, TX, the first Mother's-In-Law Day was 
 celebrated. 
1943 Germany called fifteen- and sixteen-year-olds for 
 military service due to war losses. 
1946 Winston Churchill delivered his "Iron Curtain Speech". 
1946 The U.S. sent protests to the U.S.S.R. on incursions 
 into Manchuria and Iran. 
1953 Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin died. He had been in 
 power for 29 years. 
1956 The U.S. Supreme Court affirmed the ban on segregation 
 in public schools. 
1970 A nuclear non-proliferation treaty went into effect 
 after 43 nations ratified it. 
1984 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that cities had the right 
 to display the Nativity scene as part of their Christmas display. 
1984 The U.S. accused Iraq of using poison gas. 
1993 Cuban President Fidel Castro said that Hillary Clinton 
 was "a beautiful woman." 
1993 Sprinter Ben Johnson was banned from racing for life by 
 the Amateur Athletic Association after testing positive for 
 banned performance-enhancing substances for a second time. 
1997 North Korea and South Korea met for first time in 25 
 years for peace talks. 
1998 NASA announced that an orbiting craft had found enough 
 water on the moon to support a human colony and rocket 
 fueling station. 
2015  smiled.


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No Question 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wedbnesday, March 4

I am back home again.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida police chief fired for soliciting sting hookers.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds. --- Malaclypse the Younger ______________________________________________________ "Mummy, tomorrow I have an oral exam. One question the teacher will ask me is "who made you?" What shall I say?" asked Little Johnny. "Say God made you." replied his mother. The next day, when the question came up, poor Little Johnny forgot what his mother had said, so he explained, "Teacher, until yesterday I was sure it was my father who made me. But then my mother said it was someone else - but I can't remember who she said it was." ______________________________________________________ If you think your problems are behind you, chances are you make your kids stay on the back seat when you drive. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Thor’s-Well-Oregon
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Stephen Johnson 53 police chief of Miami Gardens, Florida. Police Chief Stephen Johnson Arrested For Soliciting '2-Girl Special' When deputies for the Broward County Sheriff's Department set up a sting operation targeting the solicitation of prostitution, they expected they'd get some bites from johns. They didn't expect one of them would be Stephen Johnson, the police chief of Miami Gardens, Florida. Johnson, 53, was arrested Friday for soliciting a prostitute in Dania Beach after he allegedly answered an escort ad placed on Backpage and called the number, NBC Miami reports. Authorities said Johnson arranged for the "two-girl special," for $100, and agreed to meet the two prostitutes at a Dania Beach hotel. Johnson knocked on the door around 6:20 p.m. only to discover two undercover cops posing as prostitutes. He was arrested and charged with soliciting a prostitute, according to the Florida Sun-Sentinel. A few hours later, he was fired from his job as Miami Gardens police chief, a $165,000 position he had held since last May. When Johnson bonded out of the Broward County Jail Saturday morning, he apologized for the arrest, which he blamed on job stress. “I want to apologize to the community, and I want to apologize to my elected officials,” he said, according to the Miami Herald. “The stress overwhelmed me, and I made a very bad decision to deal with that moment I’ve never experienced before.” During his brief remarks, Johnson referred to an incident on Friday morning involving a 10-year-old girl who was struck by an unmarked Miami Gardens police car. According to the paper, Johnson did not explain how the incident was connected to his arrest, except to say it was a stressful situation. Johnson was hired last May after former top cop Matthew Boyd resigned amid allegations of departmental harassment and illegal tactics, Newser reports. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Re: No question Dear Webby, No Answer Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ "I'm ashamed of the way we live," a young wife said to her lazy husband who refused to find a job. "My father pays our rent. My mother buys all of our food. My sister buys our clothes. My aunt bought us a car. I'm just so ashamed." The husband rolled over on the couch. "You *should* be ashamed," he agreed. "Those two worthless brothers of yours never give us a penny." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Paper Clip as Masking Tape Marker I don't know if anyone does this already but I discovered something that helps me tremendously! Put a paper clip at the start of the tape. When you need some, take your length and then put the paper clip in place before tearing it off. Now you'll always know where the end is, no more turning and turning and searching. :) By Stacey S. [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ "Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas," Little Johnny said to his Uncle Rodney, the first time he saw him after the holidays. "It's the best Christmas present I ever got." "That's great," said his Uncle Rodney. "Do you know how to play it?" "Oh, I don't play it," Little Johnny said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night. _____________________________________________________ Walking through the hallways at the middle school where I work, I saw a new substitute teacher standing outside his classroom with his forehead against a locker. I heard him mutter, "How did you get yourself into this?" Knowing that he was assigned to a difficult class, I tried to offer moral support. "Are you okay?" I asked. "Can I help?" He lifted his head and replied, "I'll be fine as soon as I get this kid out of his locker." _____________________________________________________
Saturday Evening Post- The vintage superheroes meet Norman Rockwell

Today in 
1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA.
1681 England's King Charles II granted a charter to William 
 Penn for an area that later became the state of Pennsylvania. 
1766 The British Parliament repealed the Stamp Act, which 
 had caused bitter and violent opposition in the U.S. colonies. 
1813 The Russians fighting against Napoleon reached Berlin. 
 The French garrison evacuated the city without a fight. 
1826 The first railroad in the U.S. was chartered. It was 
 the Granite Railway in Quincy, MA. 
1877 Emile Berliner invented the microphone. 
1880 Halftone engraving was used for the first time when 
 the "Daily Graphic" was published in New York City. 
1904 In Korea, Russian troops retreated toward the 
 Manchurian border as 100,000 Japanese troops advanced. 
1908 The New York board of education banned the act of 
 whipping students in school. 
1914 Doctor Fillatre successfully separated Siamese twins. 
1947 France and Britain signed an alliance treaty. 
1952 U.S. President Harry Truman dedicated the "Courier," 
 the first seagoing radio broadcasting station. 
1952 Ronald Reagan and Nancy Davis were married. 
1954 In Boston, Peter Bent Brigham Hospital reported the 
 first successful kidney transplant. 
1975 Queen Elizabeth knighted Charlie Chaplin. 
1989 Time, Inc. and Warner Communications Inc. announced 
 a plan to merge. 
1991 Sheik Saad al-Jaber al-Sabah, the prime minister of Kuwait, 
returned to his country for the first time since Iraq's invasion.
1994 Bosnia's Croats and Moslems signed an agreement to form a 
 federation in a loose economic union with Croatia. 
1997 U.S. President Clinton barred federal spending on human cloning. 
1998 Microsoft repaired software that apparently allowed hackers 
 to shut down computers in government and university offices 
 nationwide. 
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court said that federal law banned on-the-job 
 sexual harassment even when both parties are the same sex. 
1999 Monica Lewinsky's book about her affair with U.S. President 
 Clinton went on sale in the U.S. 
2002 Canada banned human embryo cloning but permitted government-
 funded scientists to use embryos left over from fertility 
 treatment or abortions. 
2012 Vladimir Putin won re-election in Russia's presidential 
 election.
2015  smiled.


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Wall filters 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 3

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Irish car burglar, who is dumber than a brick
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1945 During World War II, Finland changed to the winning side and
 declared war on the Axis. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Books to the ceiling, Books to the sky, My pile of books is a mile high. How I love them! How I need them! I'll have a long beard by the time I read them. --- Arnold Lobel ______________________________________________________ At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately she began flattering him outrageously. The guy liked the young lady, but was taken a bit aback by her fast and ardent pitch. He was amazed when after 30 minutes she seriously proposed marriage. "Look," he said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other." "You're wrong," she smiled. "For the past 5 years I've been working in the back of the bank where you have your account. I know all I need to know about you." ______________________________________________________ Being able to turn your grandchildren into spoiled brats is God's reward for not killing your children. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Loch Tay
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Irish Man ID and mugshot protected by Irish laws Dumber than a brick A would-be thief in Ireland attempted to break into a car by throwing a brick into the vehicle's window, only for the brick to bounce back and knock the man unconscious, CCTV video obtained by the Irish Independent shows. The owner of the nearby Pheasant pub and the car that fought back, Gerry Brady, came out to investigate and saw the man lying in a pool of his own blood. That's when the suspect attempted to blackmail him, he said. More from the Independent: “When the Gardaí picked him up, he started claiming that I attacked him. He was still telling them that in the station when I came in with the footage of him getting knocked out by his own brick.” “You should have heard the gardai laughing when they saw the video. They were in stitches. Credit to them, they were straight out when we called and found the guy within minutes.” The man was quickly collected by authorities, and the incident remains under investigation. Items he had stolen from other cars were returned. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Tom Re: Telephone filters Dear Webby, We get a lot of interference on our phones, too, because of DSL. Our ISP supplies filters which plug in at each phone jack, Unplug the phone line, insert the filter, plug the phone line into the back end of the filter and Voila!! No more static or interference. Hope this helps. tom Dear Tom If that helps, good for you! Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A first-grade girl came home from school. She was very happy, and her Mom noticed this. Mom asked, "What makes you so happy today?" The girl said, "Mom, we learned how to make babies in school today!" Thinking that first grade was a bit early for that, she asked her daughter to tell her how. "It's easy, Mom -- you just drop the 'y', and add 'i-e-s', " the daughter said. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Seedling Pots From Phone Book Pages I still tape my homemade seedling pots as I have not mastered the crimping technique. I would like to add though, if you have access to phone books, the pages are the perfect size for seedling pots. Without any cutting, and depending the size of your form and how the page is folded, you can make pots in a variety of sizes. Very small pots will require only one page, while large pots should be made with two to three layers of pages. By likekinds [63] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Several women, each trying to one-up the other, appeared in ourt, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived. The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed, "Okay, I'm ready to hear the evidence...I'll hear the oldest first." The case was dismissed for lack of testimony. _____________________________________________________ My Grandmother is ninetyfive and still doesn't need glasses... She drinks straight out of the bottle. An elderly couple were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Greg noticed something funny about Keli's ear and he said, "Keli, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Keli answered, "I have? A suppository?" She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Greg, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I know why my farts sound so loud." _____________________________________________________
Beautifully painted feathers. The dogs and hawk are my favorite.

Today in 
1812 The U.S. Congress passed the first foreign aid bill. 
1817 The first commercial steamboat route from Louisville to 
 New Orleans was opened. 
1845 The U.S. Congress passed legislation overriding a 
 U.S. President’s veto. It was the first time the Congress 
 had achieved this. 
1857 Britain and France declared war on China. 
1878 Russia and the Ottomans signed the treaty of San Stenafano. 
 The treaty granted independence to Romania, Serbia, Montenegro, 
 and the autonomy of Bulgaria. 
1900 Striking miners in Germany returned to work. 
1903 In St. Louis, MO, Barney Gilmore was arrested for spitting. 
1903 The U.S. imposed a $2 head tax on immigrants. 
1904 Wilhelm II of Germany made the first recording of a political 
 document with Thomas Edison's cylinder. 
1905 The Russian Czar agreed to create an elected assembly. 
1906 A Frenchman tried the first flight in an airplane with tires. 
1908 The U.S. government declared open war on on U.S. anarchists. 
1909 Aviators Herring, Curtiss and Bishop announced that airplanes 
 would be made commercially in the U.S. 
1910 Nicaraguan rebels admitted defeat in open war and resorted to 
 guerrilla tactics in the hope of U.S. intervention. 
1918 The Treaty of Brest Litovsky was signed by Germany, Austria 
 and Russia. The treaty ended Russia's participation in WW I. 
1931 The "Star Spangled Banner," written by Francis Scott Key, was 
 adopted as the American national anthem. The song was originally 
 a poem known as "Defense of Fort McHenry." 
1939 In Bombay, Ghandi began a fast to protest the state's 
 autocratic rule. 
1941 Moscow denounced the Axis rule in Bulgaria. 
1945 During World War II, Finland changed to the winning side and
 declared war on the Axis. 
1952 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld New York's Feinberg Law that 
 banned Communist teachers in the U.S. 
1956 Morocco gained its independence. 
1969 Apollo 9 was launched by NASA to test a lunar module. 
1969 Sirhan Sirhan testified in a Los Angeles court that he 
 killed Robert Kennedy. 
1973 Japan disclosed its first defense plan since WWII. 
1974 About 350 people died when a Turkish Airlines DC-10 
 crashed just after takeoff from Orly Airport in Paris. 
1978 The remains of Charles Chaplin were stolen from his 
 grave in Cosier-sur-Vevey, Switzerland. The body was 
 recovered 11 weeks later near Lake Geneva. 
1980 The submarine Nautilus was decommissioned. The vessels 
 final voyage had ended on May 26, 1979. 
1987 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a package of 
 $30 million in non-lethal aid for the Nicaraguan Contras. 
1991 Rodney King was severely beaten by Los Angeles police 
 officers. The scene was captured on amateur video.
1994 The Mexican government reached a peace agreement with 
 the Chiapas rebels. 
1995 A U.N. peacekeeping mission in Somalia ended. Several 
 gunmen were killed by U.S. Marines in Mogadishu while 
 overseeing the pull out of peacekeepers. 
1999 In Egypt, 19 people were killed when a bus plunged 
 into a Nile canal. 
1999 Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones began their attempt to 
 circumnavigate the Earth in a hot air balloon non-stop. 
 They succeeded on March 20, 1999.
2015  smiled.


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Noisy telephone 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, March 2

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida drunk, who torches his place, because niec
refuses to take him on a beer run.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1866 Excelsior Needle Company began making sewing machine needles.
More of what happened on this day in history at History

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. Timothy Leary (1920 - 1996) ______________________________________________________ Musician Kid Rock came under fire for posting a photo of himself holding a cougar that he had just killed. People were outraged until they realized the cougar was one of the "Real Housewives of Orange County." ______________________________________________________ When Little Johnny's family moved into a new double wide trailer one of their former neighbors dropped by. Seeing Johnny out front, he asked, "So, how do you like your new place?" "It's terrific," Little Johnny answered. "I have my own room, my brother has his own room, and my sister has her own room. But poor mom is still in with dad." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Jerome Clemons, 44, Boynton Beach, Florida Burned ATV, house when niece refused 'beer run' When Jerome Clemons' niece refused to drive him to a liquor store, he got all fired up. So much so that he torched a vehicle and burned part of his home. Clemons, 44, was arrested and charged with one count of arson on Wednesday for the heated incident at his house in Boynton Beach, Florida. Clemons had already been drinking when he asked his niece, Robineisha Felton, to drive him to the liquor store to replenish the beer supply, the Florida Sun-Sentinel reports. When she declined, the two argued but Felton left because tempers had flared. Clemons' brother, James Clemons, who was also at the house, told police Jerome kept mumbling about how he was "tired of it all," the Miami New Times reports. The brother started making dinner when he observed Jerome pouring gas over a large area rug placed on top of a four-wheeled ATV. The suspect then allegedly set the ATV on fire with a lighter, according to a police report obtained by The Huffington Post. Soon, the rug, the ATV, a garbage can, and miscellaneous plates and clothing were all ablaze. James Clemons put out the fire with a garden hose before calling the police. Officers said Jerome Clemons had multiple burns, blisters and peeling skin on his right arm from his fingers to his shoulder. He also smelled of gasoline. He was taken to the hospital to be treated for second-degree burns before getting hauled off to jail. Although a corner of the house was burned, damage was minimal. This isn't Clemons first arrest in unique circumstances. In October, 2012, he charged with disorderly conduct after dialing 911 and telling the dispatcher he had a cold and wanted medical attention, according to the Palm Beach Post. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Wendy Re: Noisy Telephone Dear Webby, Pray you're having a fantastic holiday and that all is going well. My question is this: sometimes I need to be on the computer and also on the phone at the same time if there's a problem somewhere. I'm on DSL as we live in the country and there's no high-speed anything here! HA! HA! When I have the computer plugged into the phone jack on the wall and use a splitter to plug the phone in as well, there's so much static that you can't call anyone or hear anyone if anyone calls. So, I've taken the phone and plugged it into another jack in another room and all is well. Any idea what might be wrong and possibly how I can fix it? You've helped much in the past and I'm hoping you have the answer to this question as well. Cheers, Wendy Dear Wendy That could be due to different causes. If you got DSL, then the Internet is peeled off the line and separated, just like a different TV channel is separated from your TV feed. If you are trying to use the peeled off Internet line for phone purposes, then you probably get not much more than static. The other potential problem is static from the computer. I get that too. I have to plug in some distance away from the computer, but I can plug the base station in in the next room, and then use the wireless hand set right at the computer. The wireless connection is at a much higher frequency and not bothered by the static coming from the computer. Just try the same thing andplug in the base station as far away from the computer as possible. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to leave, because otherwise they are all going to fall. They were not able to name that person, until the woman held a very touching speech. She said that she will voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a woman she is used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Seedling Pots From Phone Book Pages I still tape my homemade seedling pots as I have not mastered the crimping technique. I would like to add though, if you have access to phone books, the pages are the perfect size for seedling pots. Without any cutting, and depending the size of your form and how the page is folded, you can make pots in a variety of sizes. Very small pots will require only one page, while large pots should be made with two to three layers of pages. By likekinds [63] Brown paperbags work fine too, without putting toxins into your dirt. A dab of flour glue will quickly glue down errant corners. Brown paper completely disappears by mid summer. The easiest way to make seedling pots is to wet the brown paper, lay it over a plastic seedliing cup or plastic coffee cup, punch it down with a drinking glass or pill bottle, smooth the top edges and if necessary fold them inwards, and if necessary glue them with flour glue. (1 TBSP unbleached flour and enough water to turn it into a thick paste.) If the paper has been soaked a bit, it is limp and very cooperative. Seedling pots made from brown paper don't fall apart, when you transplant them from the germination trays to the garden. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ >From Arca Following the birth of my second child, I called our insurance company to inquire about my short-term disability policy. "I just had a baby," I proudly announced to the representative who picked up the phone. "Congratulations! I'll get all of your information and activate your policy," she assured me. After taking down basic facts like my name and address, she asked, "Was this a work-related incident?" _____________________________________________________ A motorist was on trial for hitting a pedestrian. The motorist's lawyer made this point: "Your honor, my client has been driving for over thirty years." To which the lawyer for the plaintiff retorted: "Your honor, if we are going to judge this case by experience, may I remind you that my client has been walking for over sixty years, and has never hit a car in all that time!" _____________________________________________________
A River Runs Through It

Today in 
1807 The U.S. Congress passed an act to "prohibit the 
 importation of slaves
1836 Texas declared its independence from Mexico and an 
 ad interim government was formed. 
1866 Excelsior Needle Company began making sewing machine 
 needles. 
1897 U.S. President Cleveland vetoed legislation 
 that would have required a literacy test for immigrants 
 entering the country. 
1899 Mount Rainier National Park in Washington was established 
 by the U.S. Congress. 
1900 The U.S. Congress voted to give $2 million in aid to 
 Puerto Rico. 
1901 The U.S. Congress passed the Platt amendment, which 
 limited Cuban autonomy as a condition for withdrawal of 
 U.S. troops. 
1903 The Martha Washington Hotel opened for business in 
 New York City. The hotel had 416 rooms and was the first 
 hotel exclusively for women. 
1906 A tornado in Mississippi killed 33 and did $5 million 
 in damage. 
1907 In Hamburg, Germany, dock workers went on strike after 
 the end of the night shift. British strike breakers were 
 brought in. The issue was settled on April 22, 1907. 
1908 In New York, the Committee of the Russian Republican 
 Administration was founded. 
1908 In Paris, Gabriel Lippmann introduced three-dimensional 
 color photography at the Academy of Sciences. 
1917 The Russian Revolution began with Czar Nicholas II 
 abdicating. 
1917 Citizens of Puerto Rico were granted U.S. citizenship 
 with the enactment of the Jones Act. 
1925 State and federal highway officials developed a nationwide 
 route-numbering system and adopted the familiar U.S. shield
 -shaped, numbered marker. 
1929 The U.S. Court of Customs & Patent Appeals was created
1933 The motion picture King Kong had its world premiere in
 New York. 
1946 Ho Chi Minh was elected President of Vietnam. 
1949 The B-50 Superfortress Lucky Lady II landed in Fort Worth,
 TX. The American plane had completed the first non-stop 
 around-the-world flight. 
1969 In Toulouse, France, the supersonic transport Concorde 
 made its first test flight. 
1983 The U.S.S.R. performed an underground nuclear test. 
1984 The first McDonald's franchise was closed. A new location 
 was opened across the street from the old location in 
 Des Plaines, IL. 
1985 The U.S. government approved a screening test for AIDS 
 that detected antibodies to the virus that allowed possibly 
 contaminated blood to be kept out of the blood supply. 
1986 Corazon Aquino was sworn into office as president of 
 the Philippines. Her first public declaration was to restore 
 the civil rights of the citizens of her country. 
1987 The U.S. government reported that the median price for a 
 new home had gone over $100,000 for the first time. 
1989 Representatives from the 12 European Community nations all 
 agreed to ban all production of CFCs (chlorofluorocarbons) by 
 the end of the 20th century. 
1995 Russian anti-corruption journalist Vladislav Listyev was 
 killed by a gunman in Moscow. 
1995 Nick Leeson was arrested for his role in the collapse 
 of Britain's Barings Bank. 
1998 Images from the American spacecraft Galileo indicated 
 that the Jupiter moon Europa has a liquid ocean and a source 
 of interior heat. 
2000 In Great Britain, Chile's former President Augusto Pinochet 
 Ugarte was freed from house arrest and allowed to return to Chile. 
 Britain's Home Secretary Jack Straw had concluded that Pinochet 
 was mentally and physically unable to stand trial. Belgium, France, 
 Spain and Switzerland had sought the former Chilean leader on 
 human-rights violations. 
2003 Over the Sea of Japan, there was a confrontation between four 
 armed North Korean fighter jets and a U.S. RC-135S Cobra Ball. 
 No shots were fired in the encounter in international airspace 
 about 150 miles off North Korea's coast. The U.S. Air Force 
 announced that it would resume reconnaissance flights on March 12. 
2004 NASA announced that the Mars rover Opportunity had discovered 
 evidence that water had existed on Mars in the past. 
2015  smiled.


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How to make your own business cards 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, March 1

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to  
Hawaiian crooks who were arrested for stealing donations jar
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1873 E. Remington and Sons of Ilion, NY, began the 
 manufacturing the first practical typewriter. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. --- Steve Martin (1945 - ) ______________________________________________________ I asked Mom if I was a gifted child... she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me. ______________________________________________________ Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Jeffrey Kleinschmidt, 57, Kristin Johnson, 45, Pahoa Hawaii Hawaiian crooks arrested for stealing donations jar A man and woman were arrested by Hawaii police on Wednesday after video surveillance allegedly showed them stealing a jar of donations for a young girl fighting for her life. The footage shows Jeffrey Kleinschmidt, 57, and Kristin Johnson, 45, inside a Big Island smoke shop on Monday. Kleinschmidt can allegedly be seen removing the donation jar from a countertop and shoving it into his pants when an employee turns away. The shop's manager, Jose Miranda, said he set up the jar in an effort to raise money for Madisyn Tamaki, an 8-year-old who is in desperate need of a heart transplant. The couple was taken into custody after being recognized at another Big Island smoke shop. Miranda was able to pick them out of a line-up on Wednesday afternoon. According to local news outlet KITV, Kleinschmidt was charged with theft following the pair's arrest. According to Hawaii News Now, police records indicate that he has 31 prior offenses. Johnson, however, has been released pending further investigation. Miranda said the best thing to come out of the situation was an outpouring of community support for Tamaki. "People calling us wanting to replace the money that was taken. A few people called saying they wanted to donate double what was taken. It just was unreal the support that's flowing from this situation for her," he told Hawaii News Now. Tamaki was recently transported to Seattle Children's Hospital where she awaits a heart transplant. She is in critical but stable condition.4______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Alfred Re: Business cards Dear Webby, How good are do-it-yourself business cards? And how do I make them? Alfred Dear Alfred Today's do-it-yourself business cards are every bit as good as those from print shops. You can get the blanks at Staples and similar office product stores. Then go to http://avery.com/print and either select one of their thousands of pre-made templates or select ablank one, and paste your pre-made picture into it. Selecting your perfect template is the big challenge. Lots of them are good, some are great. Once you have selected one and typed in your info, select print. Make sure you don't have printing set to "fit to page". That would ruin their formatting. Take that checkmark off, and let it rip. Afterward you just have to break the cards along the perforations. I found that works best with about 5 sheets at a time. Done! Then you just have to find or make a box to keep them in. Staples will donate a folded up business card box with their logos and ads printed all over it. They work very well for me. If you don't want their ads on it, use it as a termplate and make your own box. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A fellow who's just reached his 150th birthday was giving a press conference to the assembled media. "Excuse me, sir," one of the reporters said, "but how did you come to live to 150? "It's actually quite simple," the old fellow replied. "I just never argue." "That's impossible," the reporter responded. "There must be something else, like diet, or meditation, or something. Just not arguing won't keep you alive for 150 years!" The old fellow shrugged his shoulders and said: "Hmmm, could be you're right." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Damp Cloth Keeps Cutting Board from Slipping In order to keep the cutting board from sliding around while slicing potatoes, put a slightly damp washcloth under it. Here I am perilously close to a hundred and I didn't know this! Source: My son, Steve showed me this one. By Marty Dick [149] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Parking in the driveway after their first date, Roger leaned over and gave Linda a passionate kiss. When she responded warmly, he unzipped his fly and pulled her hand towards it. Furious, Linda opened the door and jumped out of the car. "I've got just two words for you," she screamed. "Drop dead!" And I've got just two words for you," Roger screamed back. "Let go!" _____________________________________________________ At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately she began flattering him outrageously. The guy liked the young lady, but was taken a bit aback by her fast and ardent pitch. He was amazed when after 30 minutes she seriously proposed marriage. "Look," he said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other." "You're wrong," she smiled. "For the past 5 years I've been working in the back of the bank where you have your account. I know all I need to know about you." _____________________________________________________
She's got you......

Today in 
1498 Vasco de Gama landed at what is now Mozambique on his 
 way to India. 
1562 In Vassy, France, Catholics massacred over 1,000 
 Huguenots. The event started the First War of Religion. 
1692 In Salem Village, in the Massachusetts Bay Colony, 
 the Salem witch trials began. Four women were the first 
 to be charged. 
1784 In Great Britain, E. Kidner opened the first 
 cooking school. 
1810 Sweden became the first country to appoint an Ombudsman, 
 Lars August Mannerheim. 
1811 Egyptian ruler Mohammed Ali massacred the leaders of 
 the Mameluke dynasty. 
1815 Napoleon returned to France from the island of Elba. 
 He had been forced to abdicate in April of 1814.
1845 U.S. President Tyler signed the congressional resolution 
 to annex the Republic of Texas. 
1862 Prussia formally recognized the Kingdom of Italy. 
1864 Louis Ducos de Hauron patented a machine for taking 
 and projecting motion pictures. The machine was never built. 
1869 Postage stamps with scenes were issued for the first time. 
1872 The U.S. Congress authorized the creation of Yellowstone 
 National Park. It was the world's first national park. 
1873 E. Remington and Sons of Ilion, NY, began the 
 manufacturing the first practical typewriter. 
1879 The library of Hawaii was established. 
1896 The Battle of Adowa began in Ethiopia between the forces 
 of Emperor Menelik II and Italian troops. 
 The Italians were defeated. 
1900 In South Africa, Ladysmith was relieved by British troops
 after being under siege by the Boers for more than four months.
1907 In Odessa, Russia, there were only about 15,000 Jews 
 left due to evacuations. 
1907 In Spain, a royal decree abolished civil marriages. 
1907 In New York, the Salvation Army opened an anti-suicide 
 bureau. 
1912 Captain Albert Berry made the first parachute jump 
 from a moving airplane. 
1927 The Bank of Italy became a National Bank. 
1932 The 22-month-old son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh 
 was kidnapped. The child was found dead in May. 
1937 U.S. Steel raised workers’ wages to $5 a day. 
1937 In Connecticut, the first permanent automobile license 
 plates were issued. 
1941 FM Radio began in Nashville, TN, when station W47NV 
 began operations. 
1941 Bulgaria joined the Axis powers by signing the 
 Tripartite Pact. 
1947 The International Monetary Fund began operations. 
1949 Joe Louis announced that he was retiring from boxing 
 as world heavyweight boxing champion. 
1950 Klaus Fuchs was convicted of giving U.S. atomic 
 secrets to the Soviet Union. 
1954 The United States announced that it had conducted a 
 hydrogen bomb test on the Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Ocean. 
1954 Five U.S. congressmen were wounded when four Puerto Rican 
 nationalists opened fire from the gallery of the U.S. House 
 of Representatives. 
1959 Archbishop Makarios returned to Cyprus from exile. 
1961 The Peace Corps was established by U.S. President Kennedy. 
1966 The Soviet probe, Venera 3 crashed on the planet Venus. 
 It was the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the surface 
 of another planet. 
1966 Ghana ordered all Soviet, East German and Chinese 
 technicians to leave the country. 
1971 A bomb exploded in a restroom in the Senate wing of 
 the U.S. Capitol. There were no injuries. A U.S. group 
 protesting the Vietnam War claimed responsibility. 
1974 Seven people were indicted in connection with the 
 Watergate break-in. 1984 The U.S.S.R. performed a nuclear 
 test at Eastern Kazakhstan, Semipalatinsk, U.S.S.R. 
1987 S&H Green Stamps became S&H Green Seals. The stamps 
 were introduced 90 years earlier. 
1988 Soviet troops were sent into Azerbaijan after ethnic 
 riots between Armenians and Azerbaijanis. 
1989 In Washington, DC, Mayor Barry and the City council 
 imposed a curfew on minors. 
1990 In Cairo, 16 people were killed in a fire at the 
 Sheraton Hotel. 
1992 Bosnian Serb snipers fired upon civilians after a 
 majority of the Moslem and Croatian communities voted in 
 favor of Bosnia's independence. 
1992 King Fahd of Saudi Arabia announced major political 
 reforms that ceded some powers after 10 years of 
 disciplined rule. 
1992 Bosnian Muslims and Croats voted to secede from Yugoslavia. 
1993 The U.S. government announced that the number of 
 food stamp recipients had reached a record number of 26.6 million. 
1994 Israel released about 500 Arab prisoners in an effort to 
 placate Palestinians over the Hebron massacre. 
1995 The European Parliament rejected legislation that would
 have allowed biotechnology companies to patent new life forms. 
1995 Yahoo! was incorporated. 
1999 The Angolan Embassy in Lusaka, Zambia, exploded. Four 
 other bombs went off in the capital. 
1999 In Uganda, eight tourists were brutally murdered by 
 Hutu rebels. 
2002 Operation Anaconda began in eastern Afghanistan. Allied 
forces were fighting against Taliban and Al Quaida fighters. 
2003 In the U.S., approximately 180,000 personnel from 22 
 different organizations around the government became part 
 of the Department of Homeland Security. This completed the 
 largest government reorganization since the beginning of 
 the Cold War. 
2003 Khalid Shaikh Mohammed was captured by CIA and Pakistani 
 agents near Islamabad. He was the suspected mastermind 
 behind the terrorist attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001.
02015  smiled.


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Turn pictures into wallpaper 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, February 28

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an 
Iowa mother, who kicked daughter while drunk 
on hand sanitizer
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1849 Regular steamboat service to California via Cape Horn 
 arrived in San Francisco for the first time. The SS California 
 had left New York Harbor on October 6, 1848. The trip took 4 
 months and 21 days. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money. --- Jules Renard (1864 - 1910) Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one. --- A. J. Liebling (1904 - 1963) ______________________________________________________ A fellow decided to decorate his bedroom. He wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper he would need but he knew that the Irishman who lived next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size. "Murphy," he asked, "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?" "Twenty" said Murphy. So the fellow bought the twenty rolls of paper and did the job. It looked wonderful, but he had 12 rolls of wallpaper left over. "Murphy," he said. "I bought twenty rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 12 left over!" "Dat's funny," said Murphy. "So did I." ______________________________________________________ Miss Prissy was going over Melvin's records with his anxious parents. On one page was the statement, "Melvin used fowl language today." Mr. Messpot, hoping to put the teacher in a bad light, snickered, "Ha! You spelled foul wrong." Miss Prussy corrected, "No, I meant F-O-W-L. Your child called me a 'dumb cluck' ." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Jennifer Jane Olney, 48, Des Moines, Iowa Kicked Daughter While Drunk On Hand Sanitizer A mother in West Des Moines, Iowa, is facing child endangerment charges after allegedly kicking her daughter while drunk on hand sanitizer. Jennifer Jane Olney, 48, was arrested Tuesday after officers responded to a report of medication and alcohol hand sanitizer overdose at her residence, KCCI.com reports. Police said Olney's speech was slurred and she was acting aggressively. Witnesses told the responding officers that Olney had been behaving erratically and threatened to take all of her medications at once. She allegedly called her daughter's elementary school to scream at employees, according to the Des Moines Register. Olney's mental state was such that her father went in her place to pick up the girl at school. After talking with Olney, officers gave her two choices: Turn her daughter over to the Iowa Department of Human Services, or check herself into a hospital for treatment, according to the New York Daily News. After much crying and yelling, Olney agreed to seek help. She then got off the couch and allegedly kicked her daughter in the leg, which caused the girl to burst into tears. When officers went to arrest Olney, she allegedly fought back by kicking and screaming, the Des Moines Register reports. Olney was charged with child endangerment and interference with official acts inflicting bodily injury. She’s being held at the Polk County Jail on $3,000 bond. The daughter was left in her grandfather’s care, according to the Associated Press. 4______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Puzzled Pat Re: turn pictures into wallpaper Dear Webby, Some of your pictures are very nice, and would look nice as wallpaper on my home page. When I right click on the icture, I do not wee options to SAVE AS WALLPAPER. Can you tell me step-by-step how to save the picture, and then use it as wallpaper on my computer? I would be grateful if you could. Signed, Puzzled Dear Puzzled Pat Most browsers have lost that ability. With Chrome you can get an extension to do that. Desktop Wallpaper Tool With that you can turn your own, saved images into wallpaper, or anything you can sang on the web. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear that word one more time, I'll quit!" Everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen." This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "You have to do something about the roads and sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen." The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your own wife fell three times this week already, and your daughter fell twice!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Damp Cloth Keeps Cutting Board from Slipping In order to keep the cutting board from sliding around while slicing potatoes, put a slightly damp washcloth under it. Here I am perilously close to a hundred and I didn't know this! Source: My son, Steve showed me this one. By Marty Dick [149] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Son: Why is Father singing to the baby so much tonight? Mother: He is trying to sing her asleep. Son: Well, If I were her, I'd pretend I was asleep. _____________________________________________________ A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, "I hope you don't mind Johnny being in there." "No," said the doctor calmly, "He'll be quiet shortly. It sounds like he found the poisons." _____________________________________________________
She's got you......

Today in 
1844 Several people were killed aboard the USS Princeton 
 when a 12-inch gun exploded. 
1849 Regular steamboat service to California via Cape Horn 
 arrived in San Francisco for the first time. The SS California 
 had left New York Harbor on October 6, 1848. The trip took 4 
 months and 21 days. 
1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 50 
 slavery opponents began the new political group. 
1885 AT&T (American Telephone and Telegraph) was incorporated. 
 The company was capitalized on only $100,000 and provided long 
 distance service for American Bell. 
1893 Edward G. Acheson showed his patent for Carborundum. 
1911 Thomas A. Edison, Inc. was organized. 
1951 A Senate committee issued a report that stated that there 
 were at least two major crime syndicates in the U.S. 
 House and Senate?
1953 In a Cambridge University laboratory, scientists James D. 
 Watson and Francis H.C. Crick discovered the double-helix 
 structure of DNA. 
1956 A patent was issued to Forrester for a computer memory core. 
1983 "M*A*S*H" became the most watched television program in 
 history when the final episode aired. 
1986 Swedish Prime Minister Olof Palme was assassinated in 
 Stockholm.
1993 U.S. Federal agents raided the compound of an armed 
 religious cult in Waco, TX. The ATF had planned to arrest 
 the leader of the Branch Davidians, David Koresh, on federal 
 firearms charges. Four agents and six Davidians were killed 
 and a 51-day standoff followed. 
1994 NATO made its first military strike when U.S. F-16 
 fighters shot down four Bosnian Serb warplanes in violation 
 of a no-fly zone over central Bosnia. 
1995 The Denver International Airport opened after a 
 16-month delay. 
1998 Serbian police began a campaign to wipe out 
 "terrorist gangs" in the Yugoslav province of Kosovo. 
2001 The Northwest region of the U.S., including the state of 
 Washington, was hit by an earthquake that measured 6.9 on 
 the Richter Scale. There were no deaths reported. 
2002 In Ahmadabad, India, Hindus set fire to homes in a 
 Muslim neighborhood. At least 55 people were killed in 
 the attack. 
2002 Sotheby's auction house announced that it had identified 
 Peter Paul Reubens as the creator of the painting "The Massacre 
 of the Innocents." The painting was previously thought to be by 
 Jan van den Hoecke. 
2013 Benedict XVI resigned as pope. He was the first pope to 
 resign since Gregory XII in 1415 and the first to resign 
 voluntarily since Celestine V in 1294. 
2015  smiled.


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Is PC-Decrapifier safe? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, February 27
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an 
Indecency Charge Filed Against Oregon 
Library Cam Girl
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1922 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the 19th Amendment that 
 guaranteed women the right to vote. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving. --- Russell Green ______________________________________________________ > From Daniel There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard of people having Guts or having Balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions: GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the boys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?' BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.' I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically, speaking there is no difference in the outcome. Both are fatal! ______________________________________________________ A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. When he finally gets home, he starts tiptoeing up the stairs. Halfway up the stairs, he falls over backwards. An empty pint bottle in his back pocket broke, and carved up his buttocks. A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror and noticed the injury. He repaired the damage as well as he could under the circumstances and went to bed. The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom. "Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?" "I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers." "A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered !" "What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?" he asked. "Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of Band-Aids stuck to the mirror." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Extreme zoom
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Kendra Sunderland, 19, Corvallis, Oregon Indecency Charge Filed Against Library Cam Girl Prosecutors have filed a public indecency charge against the former Oregon State University student who last month filmed an X-rated webcam show inside the school’s main library, according to court records. Kendra Sunderland, 19, was named last week in a misdemeanor criminal information filed in Circuit Court in Benton County. The February 17 charging document alleges that Sunderland, a Corvallis resident, “did and with the intent of arousing the sexual desire of defendant or another person, expose her genitals” while inside the university’s Valley Library. Investigators allege that Sunderland’s lewd performance occurred on the evening of January 27 while she was seated at a desk on the library’s sixth floor. During her 31-minute webcam performance, Sunderland is seen exposing her breasts and vagina, masturbating, and licking herself. While doing this, she took typed directions from someone watching the action live online. Sunderland apparently used the library’s wi-fi connection to broadcast the webcam performance via her laptop. While Sunderland has attended Oregon State, she is not currently registered for classes. Sunderland is scheduled to be arraigned Thursday on the indecency charge, which carries a maximum one-year prison term and a $6250 fine. After the teenager enters a plea, a judge will set a status conference date, according to a court clerk. Sunderland has embraced the notoriety stemming from her illicit library antics. While continuing her webcam business, she has posed for Playboy, signed a deal to front for a sugar daddy web site, and done radio and TV interviews. Her Twitter account--which now has more than 74,000 followers--features a steady stream of racy photos and career updates (most of which include the hashtag “#LibraryGirl”). In a message yesterday, Sunderland reported, “Holy shit! I'm the 56th most popular pornstar on @Pornhub.” The arrest related publicity definitely propelled her career towards stardom. 4______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Punk Re: Highlight disappears? Dear Webby, Hope you are enjoying the time with your Dad. Glad both of you are able to visit and enjoy each other. I am curious about the following.... http://www.pcdecrapifier.com/download In reading their disclaimer they take no responsibility for anything. I did not purchase my PC off the shelf, I had it built with limited programs and have downloaded only McAfee and Mailwasher, MalwareBytes per your encouragement and recommendations. Do I need or should I download pcdecrapifier and if so is it truly safe? Be safe heading back Peace Frank Dear Frank Yes, it is quite safe. However, if you don't have crap on your machine, then you don't need it. The disclaimer is just for those, who use it to delete Windows or something, that they might still need. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preventing Rust Rings To keep the unsightly 'rust rings' off your bath tub, put some clear nail polish on the bottom of your shaving cream container. By CDC from FL ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ During a phone conversation, my niece mentioned that she was taking a psychology course at university. "Oh, great," I said, "Now you'll be analyzing everyone in the family." "No, no," she replied. "I don't take abnormal psychology until next semester." _____________________________________________________ > From Max The other night I was waiting for a date getting ready to go out. She sat there and put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes, mascara, toner, blush and lipstick and all kinds of stuff I don't even know the names of, then turned to me and said, "Does this look natural?" _____________________________________________________
Really Cool Pictures

Today in 
1700 The Pacific Island of New Britain was discovered. 
1827 New Orleans held its first Mardi Gras celebration. 
1861 In Warsaw, Russian troops fired on a crowd protesting 
 Russian rule over Poland. Five protesting marchers were 
 killed in the incident. 
1867 Dr. William G. Bonwill invented the dental mallet. 
1883 Oscar Hammerstein patented the first cigar-rolling 
 machine. 
1896 The "Charlotte Observer" published a picture of an X-ray 
 photograph made by Dr. H.L. Smith. The photograph showed a 
 perfect picture of all the bones of a hand and a bullet 
 that Smith had placed between the third and fourth fingers 
 in the palm. 
1900 In South Africa, the British received an unconditional 
 surrender from Boer Gen. Piet Cronje at Paardeberg. 
1922 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the 19th Amendment that 
 guaranteed women the right to vote. 
1933 The Reichstag, Germany's parliament building in Berlin, 
 was set afire. The Nazis accused Communist for the fire. 
1949 Chaim Weizmann became the first Israeli president. 
1951 The 22nd Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified, 
 limiting U.S. Presidents to two terms. 
1973 The American Indian Movement occupied Wouned Knee in 
 South Dakota. 
1981 Chrysler Corporation was granted an additional $400 million 
 in federal loan guarantees. Chrysler had posted a loss of 
 $1.7 billion in 1980. 
1982 Wayne B. Williams was convicted of murdering two of the 
 28 black children and young adults whose bodies were found in 
 Atlanta, GA, over a two-year period. 
1990 The Exxon Corporation and Exxon Shipping were indicted 
 on five criminal counts in reference to the 1989 Exxon Valdez 
 oil spill. 
1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush announced live on television 
 that "Kuwait is liberated." 
1997 In Ireland, divorce became legal. 
1998 Britain's House of Lords agreed to give a monarch's 
 first-born daughter the same claim to the throne as any 
 first-born son. This was the end to 1,000 years of male 
 preference. 
2002 In Boston, twenty people working at Logan International Airport 
were charged with lying to get their jobs or security badges. 
2015  smiled.


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