How to fix up old GIF pictures? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, May 22
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
Cleveland man arrested after high-speed 
car chase in Wickliffe
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1570 Abraham Ortelius published the first modern atlas 
 in Belgium. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. --- Fran Lebowitz (1950 - ) ______________________________________________________ A man who smelled like a bar at closing time, flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained and his collar showed some liptsick smears. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say,Father, what causes arthritis?" "It's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man!" "Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have it, Father, I was just reading here that the Pope does." ______________________________________________________ "I would like some vitamins for my daughter Latreesha," the mother said as she walked into the pharmacy. "Vitamins A, B, or C?" asks the pharmacist. "It doesn't matter, she can't read either." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Similar to the view from the house I built in the Yukon, across the Yukon valley towards Mt Lorne range. I sold it fifteen years ago, but still regret that now and then.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tyrone C. Bell, Jr. 26, Cleveland, Ohio
Cleveland man arrested after high-speed car chase in Wickliffe WICKLIFFE, Ohio -- A 26-year-old Cleveland man is in custody after high-speed police pursuit down Euclid Avenue in Wickliffe. Tyrone C. Bell, Jr. was also found with various drugs and a handgun reported missing after a home burglary, police said. He is being held at the Lake County Sheriff's Office on a $20,000 bond. An officer started following Bell just before midnight Monday because he was driving 26 mph over the speed limit, according to a report. The officer tried to stop him near Euclid Avenue and East 200th Street. Bell fled police at speeds of up to 100 mph, reports show. The car chase ended in the parking lot of a Euclid Avenue bowling alley. Bell abandoned the car and ran, but was caught shortly after, police said. Detectives who searched the car found an open container of alcohol, marijuana, crack cocaine and a handgun that was stolen from a Madison Township home in 2013, police said. A 22-year-old East Cleveland man and 17-year-old Concord Township boy were also in the car. Police questioned the 22-year-old man, but later released him. The 17-year-old boy will face various drug and weapons charges in juvenile court. Bell faces numerous charges, including failing to comply with a police order, carrying a concealed weapon, receiving stolen property, possession of crack cocaine, obstructing official business and having a weapon as a felon. Bell was sentenced to five years in prison in 2009 for an aggravated robbery, court records show. He also has a prior conviction for carrying a concealed weapon. He is scheduled to appear in Willoughby Municipal Court at 1 p.m. May 28.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Wren Re: Improve grainy and fuzzy pictures Dear Webby, I inherited all of my mother's pictures. Unfortunately, in the early days of digital cameras her pictures were quite small, and horror of horrors, in GIF format. They are irreplaceable family pictures of reunions and similar events including people, who have long passed away. Is there any way to salvage those pictures? How? Wren Dear Wren First open them and save them as PNG, PSP or PSD. Then change their size to 1200 x 900. Yes, I know, that makes them look like cheap newsprint. Now soften them and soften them some more, until the pixels and jaggies have melted. It's OK if they look fuzzy. Next sharpen them, and sharpen them some more. Keep a close eye on contrast and brightness. You may have to adjust those between sharpenings. After that you can reduce the size to 800 x 600 or 600 x 480 for printing or adding to a page. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Morris and Abe have been at odds all through the school year, however, they decide to forgive each other for any unkind actions and thoughts before the summer holidays. "And," says Morris, "I wish you, what you would wish for me." Abe yelled, "Are you ALREADY starting getting hostile again?"
The world is full of willing people: some willing to work and some willing to let them. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dandelion Oil for Joint Pain Did you know that dandelions are one of the most useful plants to reduce joint pain and aching muscles? Dandelions have anti-inflammatory properties that have been proven to relieve pain associated with arthritis, gout, sore muscles, and joint pain. This dandelion infused oil can effectively relieve discomfort when massaged into skin. This is easy to make and half the ingredients are free!:) Approximate Time: 45 minutes to an hour Yield: 1 jar Supplies: clean glass jar dandelion blossoms to fill your jar extra virgin olive oil fabric rubberband Steps: Go out into your yard and pick enough dandelions to fill your chosen jar. To prepare them, blow on them and agitate the flower with your finger to remove any debris. If you try to rinse them in water, they close up, sealing any dirt or bugs inside. You will want to snip them with scissors just below the petals. A bit of the green part is completely fine, every part of this amazing plant is edible. Fill your chosen jar with cleaned blossoms. Pour in extra virgin olive oil just shy of the top. Cut a small piece of fabric and secure this with a rubber band to the top. Set in a sunny windowsill for 2 weeks to infuse thoroughly. Now you will want to strain your flowers out of your oil. Please don't throw them away, they are still very nutritious! I will be putting mine in pasta, with fish, and even scrambled eggs. As for your oil, pour it back into your jar and use a lid this time.:) Store in a cool, dry place. Or, you may store it in the fridge indefinitely. Enjoy! Source: Pinterest inspired By melissa [127] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers. _____________________________________________________ Man: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? Bystander: It's a girl. She's my daughter. Man: Oh, please forgive me, sir. I had no idea you were her father. Bystander: I'm not. I'm her mother. ____________________________________________________
Highlights from the 2015 Nat Geo Traveler Photo Contest. Some awesome photos here.

Today in 
1246 Henry Raspe was elected anti-king by the Rhenish 
 prelates in France. 
1455 King Henry VI was taken prisoner by the Yorkists at 
 the Battle of St. Albans, during the War of the Roses. 
1570 Abraham Ortelius published the first modern atlas 
 in Belgium. 
1819 The steamship Savannah became the first to cross 
 the Atlantic Ocean. 
1841 Henry Kennedy received a patent for the first 
 reclining chair. 
1849 Abraham Lincoln received a patent for the floating 
 dry dock. 
1868 Near Marshfield, IN, The "Great Train Robbery" 
 took place. The robbery was worth $96,000 in cash, 
 gold and bonds to the seven members of the Reno gang. 
1872 The Amnesty Act restored civil rights to Southerners. 
1882 The U.S. formally recognized Korea. 
1891 The first public motion picture was given in 
 Thomas Edison's lab. 
1892 Dr. Washington Sheffield invented the toothpaste tube. 
1900 A. DeVilbiss, Jr. patented his pendulum-type 
 computing scale. 
1900 Edwin S. Votey received a patent for the pianola 
 (a pneumatic piano player). It could be attached to any piano. 
1906 The Wright brothers received a patent their flying machine. 
1939 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini signed a military 
 alliance between Germany and Italy known as the "Pact of Steel." 
1947 The Truman Doctrine was enacted by the U.S. Congress to 
 appropriate military and economic aid to Turkey and Greece. 
1955 A scheduled dance to be headlined by Fats Domino was 
 canceled by police in Bridgeport, Connecticut because 
 "rock and roll dances might be featured." 
1969 A lunar module of Apollo 10 flew within nine miles of 
 the moon's surface. The event was a rehearsal for the first 
 lunar landing. 
1972 U.S. President Nixon became the first U.S. president 
 to visit Russia. He met with Soviet leader Leonid Brezhnev. 
1972 The island Ceylon adopted a new constitution and became 
 the republic of Sri Lanka. 
1986 Sylvester Stallone agreed to a 10-picture, six-year 
 deal with United Artists. He signed for a reported 
 $15 million for each film. 
1990 In the Middle East, North and South Yemen merged to 
 become a single state known as the Republic of Yemen. 
1990 Microsoft released Windows 3.0. 
1997 Kelly Flinn, the U.S. Air Force's first female bomber 
 pilot certified for combat, accepted a general discharge. 
 She thereby avoided court-martial on charges of adultery, 
 lying and disobeying an order. 
1998 New information came to light about the June 1996 
 bombing that killed 19 American airmen. The information 
 indicated that Saudi citizens had been responsible and 
 not Iranians as once believed. 
1998 A federal judge said that Secret Service agents could 
 be compelled to testify before a grand jury in Monica 
 Lewinsky investigation concerning U.S. President Clinton. 
1998 Voters in Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland 
 turned out to cast ballots giving approval to a Northern 
 Ireland peace accord. 
2002 Chandra Levy's remains were found in Washington, DC's 
 Rock Creek Park. She was last seen on April 30, 2001. 
 California Congressman Gary Condit was questioned in the 
 case due to his relationship with Levy. 
2002 In Birmingham, AL, a jury convicted former Ku Klux 
 Klansman Bobby Frank Cherry of murder in the 1963 church 
 bombing that killed four girls. 
2003 At the Colonial in Fort Worth, TX, Annika Sorenstam 
 became the first woman to play on the PGA tour in 58 years. 
 She ended the day at 1-over par.
2015  smiled.


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Kids by parcel post 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, May 21

Thank You, Nancy!


Thanks also to the half dozen people, 
who sent birthday greetings by email.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
two Floriduh men apparently preparing to 
attack small town.
Details at Boneheads

Today in
0996 Sixteen year old Otto III was crowned the Roman Emperor. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead. --- Erma Bombeck (1927 - 1996) There is scarcely anything in the world that some man cannot make a little worse, and sell a little more cheaply. The person who buys on price alone is this man's lawful prey. --- John Ruskin (1819 - 1900) ______________________________________________________ Not long after their wedding, the newlyweds awoke early one morning. The couple had been up for quite a while before they met again in the kitchen. Marriage was agreeing with the husband, and he greeted his new wife with glee and excitation that morning. "If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart," said the newlywed bride, "breakfast will be ready." "Great! What are we having for breakfast?" he asked. "Toast and juice." replied the bride. ______________________________________________________ Stalin appears before Russian President Vladimir Putin in a dream, and asks what he can do to help. "What can I do?" Putin groans. "The economy is collapsing, the miners are on strike, the army is useless and nobody treats us with any respect." "Shoot the entire government and then paint the Kremlin blue," says Stalin. "Why blue?" "I had a feeling you'd only want to discuss the second half." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Clyde S for this picture of one of his cacti: Click through for the big picture Clyde's Cactus
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christopher Conger, 32 and Jeremy Robertson, 29, Florida
Tipster Alerts Police To 'Rocket-Propelled Grenade' Attack On 'Norman Rockwell' Town Authorities in Florida made two arrests and confiscated a cache of weapons and drugs after receiving a tip that two men were planning to attack a police department, church and youth camp, with a "rocket-propelled grenade launcher." "They certainly had the means to carry out a threat," Eustis Police Chief Fred Cobb told The Huffington Post. Cobb's department, along with the Saint Mary of the Lakes Catholic Church and an Elks Lodge youth camp were the intended targets of the attack, according to a tip authorities received from a jail inmate on Friday. That tip led investigators to a Marion County property, where they seized 22 firearms, several containers of black powder, two bulletproof vests, over a pound of marijuana, powder and crack cocaine, prescription pills and drug paraphernalia, police said. Authorities say they found 32-year-old Christopher Conger and 29-year-old Jeremy Robertson inside an outbuilding, but were unable to locate the rocket launcher the tipster said the men planned to use in their alleged attack. "I happen to know the confidential informant," Cobb said. "Even though I would question his credibility, everything he provided proved to be accurate, other than the grenade launcher." The tipster allegedly told the Marion County Sheriff's Office that Conger and Robertson were motivated by recent "run-ins" with police, but Cobb said he is unaware of any ongoing issues with either man. "We've had interactions with them over the years, but nothing that stands out that would cause them to have, in my opinion, any ill will toward the police department," the chief said. "The fact that a rocket-propelled grenade launcher wasn't found doesn't mean it doesn't exist," Brevard told the news station. "We hope we can find it, if it's out there." Cobb said the grenade launcher was likely "nothing but bravado." "The weapons and bulletproof vests concern me more so than a grenade launcher, which is hard to come by for the average person," Cobb told HuffPost. Conger, of Umatilla, was charged with seven criminal counts and Robertson, of Ocala, faces eight counts. The alleged offenses include possession of cocaine with intent to sell, grand theft of a firearm, using or displaying a firearm during a felony and wearing a bulletproof vest during certain crimes. Neither man has been arrested in connection with the alleged grenade launcher attack. "We have a Norman Rockwell town with our streetscapes and lakefront property and the caliber of people that live in our community," said Cobb. "So it’s a sobering reminder that things like this can happen in Small Town USA."
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Irmgard Re: What is batch processing? Dear Webby, You mentioned it again, batch processing. While I can envision a batch of jam or even moonshine, how does that apply to resizing pictures? I hope you don't mean writing bats like we used to in the stone age! Irmgard Dear Irmgard No need to write bats anymore. It's all done with mousing around now. Select a folder, or a bunch of files, and in the resizer tell it what the final size should be. Hit OK and let it rattle down the list. With most resizers you can even specify whether it should ov erwrite the original files, or to leave them alone and put the resized ones somewhere else. Most of them also let you automatically rename the resized files, give them for example a prefix like 2015, and number them. Doing that for a whole batch of selected pictures is what is called batch processing. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Sign in a veterinarian's office: All unattended children will be given a free kitten.
The judge read the charges, then asked, "Are you the defendant in this case?" "No sir, your honor, sir," replied Jill, "I've got a lawyer to do the defendin'. I'm the person who done it." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sheets as Shade Cloth We recently needed a shade cloth for our greenhouse. As my husband is currently laid-off, we couldn't afford to buy one really. So we went to the local thrift store (which supports the local animal shelter, yay for that!) and bought twin sized sheets. We tacked and stapled them up to the rafters, and they are doing a fabulous job. Cooled the greenhouse off quite a bit, and the lettuce and cucumbers are much happier. By 4TruLady [4] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Only yesterday in 1898 it was made illegal to package children up and send them by parcel-post. Seems the kids kept getting out of their boxes and playing with the mail. _____________________________________________________ One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and ran out swinging her rolling pin. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold. An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned a half hour later with a black eye as well. "Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked. "No sir," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake." ____________________________________________________
This artist’s handmade, glass blown animal sculptures are amazing works of art.

Today in 
0996 Sixteen year old Otto III was crowned the Roman Emperor. 
1471 King Henry VI was killed in the tower of London. 
 Edward IV took the throne. 
1536 The Reformation was officially adopted in Geneva, 
 Switzerland. 
1542 Hernando de Soto died along the Mississippi River 
 while searching for gold. 
1602 Martha's Vineyard was first sighted by Captain 
 Bartholomew Gosnold. 
1790 Paris was divided into 48 zones. 
1819 Bicycles were first seen in the U.S. in New York City. 
 They were originally known as "swift walkers." 
1840 New Zealand was declared a British colony. 
1906 Louis H. Perlman received his patent for the 
 demountable tire-carrying rim. 
1924 Fourteen-year-old Bobby Franks was murdered in a 
 "thrill killing" committed by Nathan Leopold Jr. and 
 Richard Loeb. The killers were students at the 
 University of Chicago. 
1927 Charles A. Lindberg completed the first solo nonstop 
 airplane flight across the Atlantic Ocean. The trip began 
 May 20. 
1929 The first automatic electric stock quotation board was 
 used by Sutro and Company of New York City. 
1934 Oskaloosa, IA, became the first city in the U.S. to 
 fingerprint all of its citizens. 
1956 The U.S. exploded the first airborne hydrogen bomb in 
 the Pacific Ocean over Bikini Atoll. 
1968 The nuclear-powered U.S. submarine Scorpion, with 99 
 men aboard, was last heard from. The remains of the sub 
 were later found on the ocean floor 400 miles southwest 
 of the Azores. 
1970 The National Guard was mobilized to quell disturbances 
 at Ohio State University. 
1980 The movie "The Empire Strikes Back" was released. 
1982 The British landed in the Falkland Islands and 
 fighting began. 
1991 In Madras, India, the former prime minister, Rajiv Gandhi 
 was killed by a bouquet of flowers that contained a bomb. 
1998 An expelled student, Kipland Kinkel, in Springfield, OR, 
 killed 2 people and wounded 25 others with a semi-automatic 
 rifle. Police also discovered that the boy had killed his 
 parents before the rampage. 
1998 Microsoft and Sega announced that they are collaborating 
 on a home video game system. 
1998 In Miami, FL, five abortion clinics were hit by a 
 butyric acid-attacker.
2015  smiled.


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What is Batch Processing? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, May 20

Thanks for all the birthday wishes!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Iowa
Floriduh burglar fell asleep on the couch
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1874 Levi Strauss began marketing blue jeans with copper rivets. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Here's a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once. --- Tallulah Bankhead (1903 - 1968) It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them! --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900) ______________________________________________________ A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But I'm a university graduate," the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how." ______________________________________________________ In a traffic court of a large Midwestern city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer for a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a schoolteacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case so she could get to the school on time. A wild gleam came into the judge's eye. "You're a schoolteacher, eh?" he said. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. I've waited years to have a schoolteacher in this court. Sit down at that table and write 500 times: ‘I drove through a red light even though I knew it is against the law.' !" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Timothy Bontrager, 26, Sarasota, Florida
Burglar Falls Asleep During Heist A good night's sleep is essential for success in all things, and that apparently includes robbery. Police in Sarasota, Florida, arrested Timothy Bontrager, 29, Saturday morning after a homeowner woke up to find him sleeping on her couch, WTSP.com reports. Bontrager allegedly entered the home overnight through an unlocked sliding glass door in the rear of the house. When the homeowner woke up at about 7:20 a.m. and saw the suspect, she roused him from his sleep and asked why he was there. The suspect apologized and started pacing around the home, only to leave when the victim said she was calling the police, according to NBC-2.com. Officers arrived at the home at 8 a.m., at which point the victim discovered that her wallet, license, credit cards, cash and personal checks were missing, according to Bradenton.com. Police took Bontrager into custody a short time later, but he was in shorts, not the pants described by the victim. He was arrested after the victim positively identified him, Sarasota Patch reports. The pants were found a few hours later in a wooden area, along with the victim's wallet. Bontrager has been charged with a burglary of an occupied dwelling and taken to the Sarasota County Jail. He remains in custody on $25,000 bond.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Irmgard Re: What is batch processing? Dear Webby, You mentioned it again, batch processing. While I can envision a batch of jam or even moonshine, how does that apply to resizing pictures? I hope you don't mean writing bats like we used to in the stone age! Irmgard Dear Irmgard No need to write bats anymore. It's all done with mousing around now. Select a folder, or a bunch of files, and in the resizer tell it what the final size should be. Hit OK and let it rattle down the list. With most resizers you can even specify whether it should ov erwrite the original files, or to leave them alone and put the resized ones somewhere else. Most of them also let you automatically rename the resized files, give them for example a prefix like 2015, and number them. Doing that for a whole batch of selected pictures is what is called batch processing. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Old man Murphy had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned. The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the widow Murphy of her old man's death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but your poor husband passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned." She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?" "Knowing Murphy like I do, I don't think so," said the foreman, "He climbed out of the vat three times to go to the men's room."
The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him. "Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient. "You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. No, it's actually worse than that. I can never remember where I park my car, where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there -- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?" The doctor mused for a moment and considered the real priorities, then answered in his kindest tones, "Pay me in advance." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade "Croakies" Eyeglass Holders I'm experimenting with making my own rubber sleeves for the metal earpieces by repurposing rubber or vinyl adhesive weather stripping. To get them onto your glasses temple/ear pieces, cut off a section the desired length. Squeeze a couple of drops of dish washing or liquid hand soap into the hole at the end of the rubber tube and then slip it over your earpiece arm and cut off at other end. Also you can make a "loop" at the end by cutting a small hole into the rubber tube about 2 inches from the end. Push out the earpiece, loop the dangling rubber "tail" around and reinsert it over the ear piece tip again. You may need a drop of dish soap to slide on. Rubber weather stripping tubes usually come in both black or white and one side has a strip of wax paper covering the adhesive. The tricky part seems to be how to get rid of that sticky adhesive before wearing them. I think Goo Gone type solvents can do it. Or if you don't have hair, then just let the oil on your skin get at it! In the meantime, the sticky stuff may help hold your glasses tight to your temples! By MITCH [8] Why re-invent the wheel? Go to Home Depot or Home Hardware and get some Loctite Color Guard or Dipit Liquid rubber. Both come in many colors and also in black, and are a liquid rubber made for tool handles. They are extremely tough and made for tools, that get heavy and daily use in an industrial environment. I have some tools, that I dipped in the 80's, with the handles still soft and grippy. All you do is wipe oil and grease off the tools, and dip the handle into the can, then hang the tool up for an hour. You can do the same with the arms of your glasses. The Loctite Color Guard is, of course, dishwasher and industrial washer proof. DipIt is probably the same, just a different name on the can. Just look which product is sold closer to home. Both have good sites with store locators. People with arthritis or hand injuries: Dip the handles of anything from can openers, ladles, wooden spoons, even pens into Color Guard, to get a soft but very grippy handle, that you can grasp firmly without having to use painful force. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Apparently some convicts at the Pasco County jail are so upset about having to wear striped coveralls that make them look like convicted criminals, that they are seriously considering taking their business elsewhere in the future. _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Rusty for this one: There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years. Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?" After a dramatic pause and precisely six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered. "Yes. Yes, I will." The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges and they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?" He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me." ____________________________________________________
I love Norman Rockwell; he captured America with a sense of humor and truthfulness. His legacy will live forever.

Today in 
0325 The Ecumenical council was inaugurated by Emperor 
 Constantine in Nicea, Asia Minor. 
1303 A peace treaty was signed between England and France 
 over the town of Gascony. 
1347 Cola di Rienzo took the title of tribune in Rome. 
1506 In Spain, Christopher Columbus died in poverty. 
1520 Hernando Cortez defeated Spanish troops that had been 
 sent to punish him in Mexico. 
1690 England passed the Act of Grace, forgiving followers 
 of James II. 
1674 John Sobieski became Poland’s first King. 
1774 Britain's Parliament passed the Coercive Acts to 
 punish the American colonists for their increasingly 
 anti-British behavior 
1775 North Carolina became the first colony to declare its 
 independence. This is the date that is on the George state 
 flag even though the date of this event has been questioned. 
1784 The Peace of Versailles ended a war between France, 
 England, and Holland. 
1830 The fountain pen was patented by H.D. Hyde. 
1861 North Carolina became the eleventh state to secede 
 from the Union. 
1874 Levi Strauss began marketing blue jeans with copper rivets. 
1875 The International Bureau of Weights and Measures was 
 established. 
1899 Jacob German of New York City became the first driver to 
 be arrested for speeding. The posted speed limit was 12 miles 
 per hour. 
1902 The U.S. military occupation of Cuba ended. 
1902 Cuba gained its independence from Spain. 
1916 - Norman Rockwell’s first cover on "The Saturday 
 Evening Post" appeared. 
1927 Charles Lindbergh took off from New York to cross the 
 Atlantic for Paris aboard his airplane the "Spirit of St. 
 Louis." The trip took 33 1/2 hours. 
1930 The first airplane was catapulted from a dirigible. 
1932 Amelia Earhart took off to fly solo across the Atlantic 
Ocean. She became the first woman to achieve the feat. 
1939 The first regular air-passenger service across the 
 Atlantic Ocean began with the take-off of the "Yankee Clipper" 
 from Port Washington, New York. 
1941 Germany invaded Crete by air. 
1942 Japan completed the conquest of Burma. 
1961 A white mob attacked the Freedom Riders in Montgomery, AL. 
 The event prompted the federal government to send U.S. marshals. 
1969 U.S. and South Vietnamese forces captured Apbia Mountain, 
 which was referred to as Hamburger Hill. 
1970 100,000 people marched in New York supporting U.S. policies 
 in Vietnam. 
1978 Mavis Hutchinson, at age 53, became the first woman to 
 run across America. It took Hutchinson 69 days to run the 
 3,000 miles. 
1980 The submarine Nautilus was designated as a National 
 Historic Landmark by the U.S. Secretary of the Interior. 
1985 The FBI arrested U.S. Navy Chief Petty Officer John Walker. 
 Walker had begun spying for the Soviet Union in 1968. 
1990 The Hubble Space Telescope sent back its first photographs. 
1996 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down a Colorado measure 
 banning laws that would protect homosexuals from discrimination. 
1999 At Heritage High School in Conyers, GA, a 15-year-old 
 student shot and injured six students. He then surrendered 
 to an assistant principal at the school. 
2010 Scientists announced that they had created a functional 
 synthetic genome. 
2010 Five paintings worth 100 million Euro were stolen from 
 the Musée d'Art Moderne de la Ville de Paris. 
2015  smiled.


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Free Resizer for W7 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, May 19

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Iowa
Sex Attacker, who Claimed That Victim 
Was "Not Even Rapable" By His Standards
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1536 Anne Boleyn, the second wife of England's King Henry VIII, 
 was beheaded after she was convicted of adultery. 
1568 After being defeated by the Protestants, Mary the Queen 
 of Scots, fled to England where she was imprisoned by 
 Queen Elizabeth. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores. --- Terry Pratchett ______________________________________________________ A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets to the gates there are two lines. One has a sign over it that States "I did everything my wife told me to." The second line has a sign that states, "I made my own decisions." Joe comes up and gets in the first line that wraps around and around and goes on for eternity. As he's standing there he notices the second line only had one man standing in it. He asks the guys in front of him, "Who does he think he is? Yeah right he made his own decisions. " After long thought and not coming up with any reason for why this man was standing in the line by himself he goes up to him asks why he is in that line. The man replies, "I don't really know. My wife told me to stand over here." ______________________________________________________ Adam and Eve must have had a great marriage. Adam couldn't talk about his Mother's cooking, and Eve couldn't mention all the men she could/should have married. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture SkyBridge, Norway
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by William Milller, 36, Coralville, Iowa
Accused Sex Attacker Claimed That Victim Was "Not Even Rapable" By His Standards In denying that he sexually assaulted a woman, an Iowa man told cops that the victim was “not even rapable” by his standards, according to court records. William Miller, 36, was named in a May 7 criminal complaint charging him with felony sexual abuse in connection with the alleged attack last year. According to police, the victim “was with friends drinking and hanging out” at an Iowa City home. When “everyone went to sleep,” Miller removed the incapacitated woman’s pants and “began having sex with her.” The attack last May was interrupted by a friend of the victim, who ordered Miller to “get away.” Miller then d eparted the residence. The friend, cops report, “was able to wake the passed out victim and get her to the hospital for an exam.” When questioned by cops, Miller admitted having sex with the woman, but claimed that the encounter was consensual. As reported by the Iowa City Police Department, Miller “classified the victim as ‘not even rapable’ by his own standards.” Miller, who lives in Coralville, an Iowa City suburb, is pictured in the above mug shot. Locked up in lieu of $26,000 bail, Miller is also facing theft, public intoxication, and interference with official acts charges. In the last two years, Miller has been convicted of d omestic abuse, theft, harassment, marijuana possession, public intoxication, and trespass, court records show.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Don Re: Picture resizer for W7 Dear Webby, I was reminded when reading your newsletter today that Picture Resizer does not seem to work with Windows 7. I really liked that program, is there another one similar that will work with Windows7? Don S Dear Don There are tones of resizers available, if you google for them. Here is one of them: Free Picture Resizer Free Picture Resizer lets you perform basic image editing, such as resizing, rotating, and flipping a photo as well as applying filters and other color corrections. The software comes free of charge and also features batch file processing and an intuitive interface. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Finally, when he could take it any longer, he jumped up, and yelled above the noise, "For Pete's sake, Harold, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?!"
That reminds me, ... do you know the main difference between a violin and a viola ? A viola apparently burns longer. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making Hard Boiled Eggs First, put eggs in a pan and fill with enough cold water to cover eggs completely, then bring water to a rapid boil. As soon as the water reaches a rapid boil, remove pan from heat and cover pan tightly with a lid. The length of time it takes to hard boil an egg depends on the size and type of the egg. Let sit 12 minutes for regular-sized eggs, 17 minutes for large eggs and 20 minutes for jumbo eggs. Transfer eggs immediately to cold water (I add ice cubes to water) and let cool at least 10 minutes. This causes a layer of steam to develop between the shell and the egg white, which makes peeling the egg much easier. Store in the refrigerator. By mcw [80] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ It takes a second to become infatuated with someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone - but it takes a lifetime to forget some people. _____________________________________________________ A lady goes into the local sporting goods store to buy a fishing rod to give to her husband for his birthday. A salesman wearing dark glasses with a dog is behind the counter and asks, "Can I help you ma'am ?" "Well, I'd like to buy a fishing rod, can you tell me about this one?" she answers. The salesman replies, "I'm sorry ma'am but I am blind and can not see the rod your referring too. However, if you'll drop it on the counter I'll tell you all about it as I can tell from the sound it makes." The lady picks up the rod, and does what he says and drops it on the counter. He belts "That's a Zebco 2500, fiberglass, 6.5', medium action - $15." Lady - "Wow !" She finds another and does the same. "Thats an Orion 35C, graphite, 6', light action - best used with ultralight tackle - $20." Very impressed the lady decides to buy the second one. As the man is ringing up the sale, the lady feels the gasses produced by the beans at lunch to rumble and escape, but feels no need to apologize as the salesman is blind and has no idea who she is. Salesman says, "That'll be $25." "TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS !? YOU SAID $20?" "That's right mam, $20 for the rod, $3 for the duck call, and $2 for the stinkfish bait." ____________________________________________________
I love mysteries.

Today in 
1535 French explorer Jacques Cartier set sail for North America. 
1536 Anne Boleyn, the second wife of England's King Henry VIII, 
 was beheaded after she was convicted of adultery. 
1568 After being defeated by the Protestants, Mary the Queen 
 of Scots, fled to England where she was imprisoned by 
 Queen Elizabeth. 
1588 The Spanish Armada set sail from Lisbon, bound for 
 England. 
1608 The Protestant states formed the Evangelical Union 
 of Lutherans and Calvinists. 
1643 The French army defeated a Spanish army at Rocroi, 
 France. 
1847 The first English-style railroad coach was placed in 
 service on the Fall River Line in Massachusetts. 
1857 The electric fire alarm system was patented by 
 William F. Channing and Moses G. Farmer. 
1858 A pro-slavery band led by Charles Hameton executed 
 unarmed Free State men near Marais des Cygnes on the 
 Kansas-Missouri border. 
1911 The first American criminal conviction that was based 
 on fingerprint evidence occurred in New York City. 
1921 The U.S. Congress passed the Emergency Quota Act, which 
 established national quotas for immigrants. 
1926 Thomas Edison spoke on the radio for the first time. 
1926 Benito Mussolini announced that democracy was 
 deceased. Rome became a fascist state. 
1926 In Damascus, Syria, French shells killed 600 people. 
1935 T.E. Lawrence "Lawrence of Arabia" died from injuries 
 in a motorcycle crash in England. 
1958 Canada and the U.S. formally established the North 
 American Air Defense Command. 
1962 Marilyn Monroe performed a sultry rendition of 
 "Happy Birthday" for U.S. President John F. Kennedy. The 
 event was a fund-raiser at New York's Madison Square Garden. 
1964 The U.S. State Department reported that diplomats had 
 found about 40 microphones planted in the U.S. Embassy 
 in Moscow. 
1967 U.S. planes bombed Hanoi for the first time. 
1974 Erno Rubik invented the puzzle what would later become 
 known as the Rubik's Cube. 
1988 In Jacksonville, FL, Carlos Lehder Rivas was convicted 
 of smuggling more than three tons of cocaine into the 
 United States. Rivas was the co-founder of Colombia's 
 Medellin drug cartel. 
1992 U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle criticized the CBS sitcom 
 "Murphy Brown" for having its title character decide to bear 
 a child out of wedlock. 
1992 In Massapequa, NY, Mary Jo Buttafuoco was shot and 
 seriously wounded by Amy Fisher. Fisher was her husband 
 Joey's teen-age lover. 
1998 In Russia, strikes broke out over unpaid wages. 
1999 "Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace" was released 
 in the U.S. It set a new record for opening day sales at 
 28.5 million. 
1999 Rosie O'Donnell and Tom Selleck got into an uncomfortable 
 verbal issue concerning gun control on O'Donnell's talk show. 
2000 The bones of the most complete and best-preserved 
 Tyrannosaurus rex skeleton went on display in Chicago. 
2000 Disney released the movie "Dinosaur." 
2003 It was announced that Worldcom Inc. would pay investors 
 $500 million to settle civil fraud charges over its $11 
 billion accounting scandal. 
2003 Hundreds of Albert Einstein's scientific papers, personal 
 letters and humanist essays were make available on the 
 Internet. Einstein had given the papers to the Hebrew 
 Universtiy of Jerusalem in his will. 
2005 "Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith" brought 
 in 50.0 million in its opening day.
2015  smiled.


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Pictures too large for email 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, May 18

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Utah man, who was motivated to rob a credit union
by his desire to bail out his girlfriend.

Details at Boneheads

Today in
1643 Queen Anne, the widow of Louis XIII, was granted 
 sole and absolute power as regent by the Paris parliament, 
 overriding the late king's will.  
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible. --- Alfred A. Knopf ______________________________________________________ 3 year-old Kelli went with her neighbor girl to church for First Communion practice. The pastor has the children cup their hands, and when he gives them the Host, -in this practise case, a piece of bread- he says: "God be with you." Apparently this made quite an impression on Kelli. She came home and told her mother to cup her hands and bend down. Kelli took a piece of bread from her sandwich, placed it in her mother's hands, and whispered, in her most angelic voice: "God will get you." ______________________________________________________ Two writers of modern poetry who had been bitter rivals for years met on a busy street corner. "You know, since we last met, my audience has increased!" the first said. "Congratulations!" the second one said. "How did you do it? By marriage or by adoption? " ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Newfies preparing to tow an iceberg out of the path towards a drilling platform.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Robert Phillip Rivas, 26, Pleasant Grove, Utah
Utah Man robbed credit union for girlfriend’s bail money Bailing a girlfriend out of jail motivated a man to rob a credit union, police said. Robert Phillip Rivas, 26, and Armando Jesse Ambriz, 28, robbed the Utah Community Credit Union at 105 E. State on May 4, according to the Pleasant Grove Police Department. “We later received information from one of Robert Rivas’ family members indicating that they were aware of a plot he had to rob a bank to obtain money to bail his girlfriend out of jail,” said Lt. Britt Smith. “ (With) search warrants we were able to find some receipts for bail bondsmen that indicated he had in fact bailed his girlfriend out of jail hours after the robbery here in Pleasant Grove.” The case was also unusual because police were able to arrest Ambriz before they even received a physical description of the robbers, according to Smith. “The bank they robbed was just a couple of blocks away from the police department and he was walking toward the police department wearing an obvious disguise, so officers responding from the police department to the bank passed by him first,” he said. “Obviously he stood out like a sore thumb wearing a wig, fake beard and fake eyebrows.” Both Ambriz and Rivas were booked into the Utah County Jail on suspicion of felony robbery and obstruction of justice. Rivas' girlfriend was released on bail, according to Smith. “I don’t know what her plans are now that (Rivas) is looking at some prison time,” Smith said.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Mary Re: Pictures are too big for email Dear Webby, The pictures from my new camera are way too big for email. I had the camera set to record pictures at 480 by something, but everybody was screaming at me about too small and fuzzy pictures. Now I got them large and fine, and they say they can't receive them! What do I do now? Mary Dear Mary Continue taking pictures in large and fine format. That allows you to crop them, cut them down to just the important parts. It also allows you to reduce them in size to what the recipients can handle. Just about everybody can handle 800 x 600, and still enjoy a sharp, fine-grained picture. To crop a picture or to reduce it in size you need some sort of graphcs program. Don't worry, you don't have to shell out big bucks for Photoship or spend a month learning GIMP. There are lots of free graphics programs available. Try a few of them until you come across one, that suits your style. For the pictures in the humor Letter I use about 600 wide for the "Thumbnail", and 1024 for the large picture. If a picture is tall and narro, then of course I have to change that and just make them 1100 tall. That seems to suit the majority. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Wife: "I'm happy to see that the neighbors finally returned our lawn mower before they moved. They certainly had it long enough." Husband: "*Our* lawn mower? I just bought it at the garage sale they're having." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray I'm trying to eliminate unwanted chemicals from our diet. I don't like the things in the non-stick aerosol can that I usually use. It struck me the other day; make your own! I had a tiny spray bottle I bought at Walmart for less than a dollar, I added my ingredients, very simple, and it worked great! One more healthy change and very little effort involved. It's even less expensive than the old kind. Approximate Time: 10 minutes? Yield: 2 ounces Ingredients: small fingertip spray bottle 1 ounce water 1 ounce grapeseed oil measuring cup funnel Supplies for Decorating the Spray Bottle old magazine scissors tape cookie cutter or stencil paper bag pen twine supplies Steps: Pour 1 ounce of water into your bottle with a funnel. All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray Pour 1 ounce of grapeseed, extra virgin olive oil, or any all natural healthy oil. Non-hydrogenated is very important. Shake well. All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray Cut a label from an old magazine and tape onto the front of your bottle. All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray Cut a label with a cookie cutter or stencil from a grocery bag for your label. All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray Label it and tape on. All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray Tie with some twine and you're good to go. All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray You don't have to do this, but I find cooking more enjoyable when the items I use are dressed up a bit.:) By melissa [122] I have used an Amway pistol grip sprayer originally intended for their LOC cleaner since the mid 80's for that. I just fill it with olive oil, and when needed, I lightly mist a pan or pot or baking sheet with it. Works fine, and the olive oil lubricates it nicely. It still works as well as on day one. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ One day little Johnny was in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decided to investigate. "Whatcha doin?" he asked. "My budgie bird died and I'm burying him," Johnny replied. "That's an awful big hole for a little bird, ain't it?" asked the neighbor. "That's because he's inside your stupid cat!" _____________________________________________________ Linda was with her mother while her older sister was being examined by a dentist. Linda kept herself busy playing with toys in the waiting room until she noticed that her mom was resting, her eyes closed. With about six other patients waiting, Linda marched up to her mother, looked her straight in the face and shook her shoulder. "Mommy," she yelled, "wake up! This is not church!" ____________________________________________________
Best B.C. Weather Window Photos of 2014

Today in 
1302 The weaver Peter de Coningk led a massacre of the 
 Flemish oligarchs. 
1642 Montreal, Canada, was founded. 
1643 Queen Anne, the widow of Louis XIII, was granted 
 sole and absolute power as regent by the Paris parliament, 
 overriding the late king's will. 
1652 In Rhode Island, a law was passed that made slavery 
 illegal in North America. It was the first law of its kind. 
1792 Russian troops invaded Poland. 
1802 Great Britain declared war on Napoleon's France. 
1804 Napoleon Bonaparte was proclaimed emperor by the 
 French Senate. 
1828 Battle of Las Piedras ended the conflict between 
 Uruguay and Brazil. 
1897 A public reading of Bram Stoker's new novel, "Dracula, 
 or, The Un-dead," was performed in London. 
1917 The U.S. Congress passed the Selective Service act, 
 which called up soldiers to fight in World War I. 
1926 Evangelist Aimee Semple McPherson vanished while visiting 
 a beach in Venice, CA. She reappeared a month later with the 
 claim that she had been kidnapped. 
1931 Japanese pilot Seiji Yoshihara crashed his plane in the 
 Pacific Ocean while trying to be the first to cross the ocean 
 nonstop. He was picked up seven hours later by a passing ship. 
1933 The Tennessee Valley Authority was created. 
1934 The U.S. Congress approved an act, known as the 
 "Lindberg Act," that called for the death penalty in 
 interstate kidnapping cases. 
1944 Monte Cassino, Europe's oldest Monastic house, was finally 
 captured by the Allies in Italy. 
1951 The United Nations moved its headquarters to New York City. 
1974 India became the sixth nation to explode an atomic bomb. 
1980 Mt. Saint Helens erupted in Washington state. 57 people were 
 killed and 3 billion in damage was done. 
1983 The U.S. Senate revised immigration laws and gave millions 
 of illegal aliens legal status under an amnesty program. 
1994 Israel's three decades of occupation in the Gaza Strip 
 ended as Israeli troops completed their withdrawal and 
 Palestinian authorities took over. 
1998 The U.S. federal government and 20 states filed a sweeping 
 antitrust case against Microsoft Corp., saying the computer 
 software company had a "choke hold" on competitors which denied 
 consumer choices by controlling 90% of the software market. 
1998 U.S. federal officials arrested more than 130 people and 
 seized $35 million. This was the end to an investigation of 
 money laundering being done by a dozen Mexican banks and two 
 drug-smuggling cartels. 
2014 Russian President Putin signed a bill to absorb Crimea 
 into the Russian Federation. 
2015  smiled.


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PPS Viewer 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, May 17

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Man Jailed For Copycat Facebook 
Police Death Threats
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1814 Denmark ceded Norway to Sweden. Norway's constitution, 
 which provided a limited monarchy, was signed. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
As a rule we disbelieve all the facts and theories for which we have no use. --- William James (1842 - 1910) ______________________________________________________ An obstetrician sometimes saw rather unusual tattoos when working in labor and delivery. One patient had some type of fish tattoo on her abdomen. "That sure is an unusual looking whale," he commented. With a sad smile she replied, "It used to be a dolphin." ______________________________________________________ Printed sign near door: Door Alarmed. Handwritten sign nearby: Window frightened. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Danxia, China
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Leshawn McCullum, 33, Iowa City, Iowa
Man Jailed For Copycat Facebook Police Death Threats Days AFTER a Georgia woman was arrested for a Facebook post advocating the shooting of “every white cop in the nation,” an Iowa man cribbed the threatening words for his own Facebook page, a copy and paste job that now has him locked up in jail. Michael Leshawn McCullum, 30, was arrested Tuesday by Iowa City cops on a warrant charging him with harassment. Pictured above, McCullum is being held on $100,000 bail on the aggravated misdemeanor count. According to investigators, McCullum earlier this month posted a Facebook message stating, “I’ve thought about shooting every white cop I see in the head until I’m either caught by the police or killed by them.” He added, “Ha!!!! I think I can pull it off. Might kill at least fifteen tomorrow. I’m plotting now.” McCullum’s post came in the days following the Baltimore riots. Police allege that he made the threat using the online alias “Mike Jones.” The threatening words attributed to McCullum first appeared on the Facebook page of Ebony Dickens, a 33-year-old mother from suburban Atlanta. As Baltimore rioters looted businesses and torched buildings, Dickens allegedly posted an April 27 Facebook message announcing that, “All Black ppl should rise up and shoot at every white cop in the nation starting NOW.” The message continued, “I condone black on white killing. I’ve thought about shooting every white cop I see in the head until I’m either caught by the police or killed by them. Ha!!!! I think I can pull it off. Might kill at least fifteen tomorrow. I’m plotting now.” Dickens’s arrest was widely reported, with many news accounts including transcripts of her alleged Facebook threat, which closed with the words “Death to all white cops nationwide.” Charged with making terroristic threats, Dickens is free on $10,000 bond and has been ordered to stop using her social media accounts. The criminal complaint charging McCullum with harassment lists the incident date as May 1, two days after Dickens was arrested. McCullum, now being held in the Muscatine County jail, has a lengthy rap sheet that includes convictions for drunk driving, pot possession, trespass, possession of drug paraphernalia, and assault on a peace officer. He is quite familiar with jail.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rita Re: PPS viewer Dear Webby, What program do you use for viewing PPS files? I am not going to buy Microsoft Office just for PPS. Thanks Rita Dear Rita There are many programs, that would do, but since I already have Open Office, it opens them quite nicely, unless some snooty idiot passworded them, requiring you to beg for an unlocked version. Usually those are a waste of time anyway. For my purposes, "Impress", included in Open Office, works well enough. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray I'm trying to eliminate unwanted chemicals from our diet. I don't like the things in the non-stick aerosol can that I usually use. It struck me the other day; make your own! I had a tiny spray bottle I bought at Walmart for less than a dollar, I added my ingredients, very simple, and it worked great! One more healthy change and very little effort involved. It's even less expensive than the old kind. Approximate Time: 10 minutes? Yield: 2 ounces Ingredients: small fingertip spray bottle 1 ounce water 1 ounce grapeseed oil measuring cup funnel Supplies for Decorating the Spray Bottle old magazine scissors tape cookie cutter or stencil paper bag pen twine supplies Steps: Pour 1 ounce of water into your bottle with a funnel. All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray Pour 1 ounce of grapeseed, extra virgin olive oil, or any all natural healthy oil. Non-hydrogenated is very important. Shake well. All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray Cut a label from an old magazine and tape onto the front of your bottle. All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray Cut a label with a cookie cutter or stencil from a grocery bag for your label. All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray Label it and tape on. All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray Tie with some twine and you're good to go. All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray You don't have to do this, but I find cooking more enjoyable when the items I use are dressed up a bit.:) By melissa [122] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ In the men's room at work, the boss placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it, "THINK!" The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at the sign and right below it, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read, "THOAP!" _____________________________________________________ A husband had been away for a few months and had a romantic evening planned for him and his wife. He sent the two older kids to the movies but could not persuade the youngest boy to go along. Finally he makes a deal with the boy. If the boy will go sit on the curb in front of their house, the father will give the boy $5 for every man he sees go by in a red hat. A while later the little boy comes running into the house and bangs on the bedroom door and shouts "Dad, are you sure you can afford that ? You'd better come outside, there's a Shriner convention in town and they are all marching up our street. Looks like about 650 of them." ____________________________________________________
These sheep are adorable and I love their wool!

Today in 
1540 Afghan chief Sher Khan defeated Mongul Emperor Humayun at Kanauj. 
1630 Italian Jesuit Niccolo Zucchi saw the belts on Jupiter's surface. 
1681 Louis XIV sent an expedition to aid James II in Ireland. As a 
 result, England declares war on France. 
1756 Britain declared war on France, beginning the French and 
 Indian War. 
1792 The New York Stock Exchange was founded at 70 Wall Street 
 by 24 brokers. 
1814 Denmark ceded Norway to Sweden. Norway's constitution, 
 which provided a limited monarchy, was signed. 
1877 The first telephone switchboard burglar alarm was installed 
 by Edwin T. Holmes. 
1926 The U.S. Embassy in Buenos Aires was damaged by bombs 
 that were believed set by sympathizers of Sacco and Vanzetti. 
1932 The U.S. Congress changed the name "Porto Rico" to "Puerto Rico." 
1939 The first fashion to be shown on television was broadcast in 
 New York from the Ritz-Carleton Hotel. 
1940 Germany occupied Brussels, Belgium and began the invasion 
 of France. 
1946 U.S. President Truman seized control of the nation's 
 railroads, delaying a threatened strike by engineers and 
 trainmen. 
1948 The Soviet Union recognized the new state of Israel. 
1956 The first synthetic mica (synthamica) was offered for 
 sale in Caldwell Township, NJ. 
1973 The U.S. Senate Watergate Committee began its hearings. 
1975 NBC TV bought the rights to show "Gone With the Wind." 
 The one time rights cost NBC $5,000,000. 
1980 Rioting erupted in Miami's Liberty City neighborhood 
 after an all-white jury in Tampa acquitted four former 
 Miami police officers of fatally beating black insurance 
 executive Arthur McDuffie. Eight people were killed in 
 the rioting. 
1985 Bobby Ewing died on the season finale of "Dallas" 
 on CBS-TV. He returned the following season. 
1987 An Iraqi warplane attacked the U.S. Navy frigate Stark 
 in the Persian Gulf, killing 37 American sailors. Iraq and 
 the United States called the attack a mistake. 
1990 Kelsey Grammer was sentenced to 30 days in jail for DWI. 
1996 U.S. President Clinton signed a measure requiring 
 neighborhood notification when sex offenders move in. Megan's 
 Law was named for 7-year-old Megan Kanka, who was raped and 
 killed in 1994. 
1997 Rebel leader Kabila declared himself president of the 
 Democratic Republic of the Congo, formerly Zaire. 
1999 Eric Ford, a tabloid photographer, was sentenced to 6 
 months at a halfway house, 3 years probation and 150 hours 
 of community service. The sentence stemmed from a charge 
 that Ford had eavesdropped on a call between Tom Cruise 
 and Nicole Kidman and then sold a recording of the conversation. 
2000 Thomas E. Blanton Jr. and David Luker surrendered to 
 police in Birmingham, AL. The two former Ku Klux Klan members 
 were arrested on charges from the bombing of a church in 
 1963 that killed four young black girls. 
2000 Austria, the U.S. and six other countries agreed on the 
 broad outline of a plan that would compensate Nazi-Era 
 forced labor. 
2006 The U.S. aircraft carrier Oriskany was sunk about 24 
 miles off Pensacola Beach. It was the first vessel sunk under 
 a Navy program to dispose of old warships by turning them 
 into diving attractions. It was the largest man-made reef 
 at the time of the sinking. 
2007 Trains crossed the border dividing North and South Korea 
 for the first time since 1953.
2015  smiled.


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Classic desktop for W7, W8, W8.1 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, May 16

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Partying Oklahoma Woman Left Child 
In Car On Mother's Day
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1770 Marie Antoinette, at age 14, married the future King 
 Louis XVI of France, who was 15.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Love truth, and pardon error. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) I'd rather work with someone who's good at their job but doesn't like me, than someone who likes me but is a ninny. --- Sam Donaldson (1934 - ) ______________________________________________________ The President was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon. "Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely to contain himself, "there's good news & bad news." "Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first." "The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet." "Gosh, and the good news?" "The good news, sir, is that they eat treehuggers, and sweat gasoline." ______________________________________________________ Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000." The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon. "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Janina for a picture of her frog Click through for the big picture Dear Webby, sharing my photo of the little frog I found hiding in my azaleas as I was getting water from the spigot. Unusual color so, I took some photos and share with you. Thanks for always sharing such great humor and advice to help us through our challenges :>)) Have fun, be well! Janina A., NJ
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Hayley Dawn Hampton, 28, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Partying Oklahoma Woman Left Child In Car On Mother's Day Hayley Dawn Hampton probably won't forget this past Mother's Day, thanks to an arrest for suspected child neglect. Hampton, 28, was allegedly left her 4-year-old child in the back seat of a gray Nissan Xterra on Monday while she was having drinks at a sports bar in Oklahoma City, KOCO.com reports. Police were called to Lumpy's Sports Bar after a bartender saw the child sitting alone in a car in the parking lot. When they approached Hampton, she said she was at the bar to pick up her boyfriend, but stayed when friends asked her to celebrate Mother's Day with a drink, according to NewsOK.com. Hampton said her boyfriend offered to stay outside to watch the child. A bartender said Hampton didn't notice when her boyfriend came back into the bar 15 minutes later. The bartender told authorities that Hampton drank a beer and a shot and was in the bar for an hour before police arrived, News9.com reports. Hampton was taken to the Oklahoma County Jail to schober up a bip, and her child was released to a family member. The boyfriend was not arrested, according to the station. Well, at least she had a sober dedicated driver instead of a DUI accident.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Charles Re: Classic Windows Desktop Dear Webby, A friend told me you mentioned a link for a Windows XP style desktop for the dreaded 8.1. Can you please tell me what that link was? Charles Dear Charles The Classic shell is at http://www.classicshell.net/ Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ You're in incredible shape," the doctor said. "How old are you again?" "I am 78." The man said. "78?" asked the doctor. "How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old." "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down." the man explained. "What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor. "I spent a lot of time in the great outdoors." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy Brownies I have been making homemade brownies for many years. This recipe is a winner for me, because they are easy, tasty, and moist. Approximate Time: Prep time 10 minutes Cooking time 25 minutes Yield: About 16 large brownies or 32 small onesplate of brownies Ingredients: 1/2 cup sugar 2 Tbsp butter 2 Tbsp water 1 1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips 2 eggs 1/2 tsp vanilla extract 2/3 cup flour 1/4 tsp baking powder 1/2 tsp salt Steps: Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Grease and flour an 8x8 inch square pan or dish. In a medium saucepan, combine the sugar, butter and water. Cook over medium heat until boiling. Remove from heat and stir in chocolate chips until melted and smooth. Mix in eggs and vanilla. Combine the flour, baking soda and salt; stir into chocolate mixture. Spread evenly into prepared pan. Bake for 25-30 minutes in preheated oven, until brownies are set. Do not over bake. Use a toothpick for doneness. Cool in pan completely before cutting into squares. Source: Just looking through different recipes on line, and mixing ideas from them. By Jackie H. [68] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them. "Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'come fly the friendly skies'?" Joe answered the correct airline. "Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it?" Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty. "Now John, Tell me which company bears the slogan, 'Just do it'?" And John answered, "Mom." _____________________________________________________ A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt very ignorant about all the new technology. A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials. "Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing," she said. "So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning machine." ____________________________________________________
I can't even do a hand stand on the ground let alone on a moving horse!

Today in 
1770 Marie Antoinette, at age 14, married the future King 
 Louis XVI of France, who was 15. 
1879 The Treaty of Gandamak between Russia and England set 
 up the Afghan state. 
1881 In Germany, the first electric tram for the public 
 started service. 
1888 The first demonstration of recording on a flat disc 
 was demonstrated by Emile Berliner. 
1888 The capitol of Texas was dedicated in Austin. 
1920 Joan of Arc was canonized in Rome. 
1946 "Annie Get Your Gun" opened on Broadway. 
1946 Jack Mullin showed the world the first magnetic 
 tape recorder. 
1960 A Big Four summit in Paris collapsed due to the 
 American U-2 spy plane incident. 
1960 Theodore Maiman, at Hughes Research Laboratory in 
 California, demonstrated the first working laser. 
1963 After 22 Earth orbits Gordon Cooper returned to Earth, 
 ending Project Mercury. 
1969 Venus 5, a Russian spacecraft, landed on the planet Venus. 
1975 Japanese climber Junko Tabei became the first woman to 
 reach the summit of Mount Everest. 
1977 Five people were killed when a New York Airways helicopter, 
 idling on top of the Pan Am Building in Manhattan, toppled over, 
 sending a huge rotor blade flying. 
1987 The Bobro 400 set sail from New York Harbor with 3,200 
 tons of garbage. The barge travelled 6,000 miles in search 
 of a place to dump its load. It returned to New York Harbor 
 after 8 weeks with the same load. 
1988 A report released by Surgeon General C. Everett Koop 
 declared that nicotine was addictive in similar ways as 
 heroin and cocaine. 
1988 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police do not have 
 to have a search warrant to search discarded garbage. 
1991 Queen Elizabeth II became the first British monarch 
 to address the U.S. Congress. 
1992 The Endeavour space shuttle landed safely after its 
 maiden voyage. 
1996 Admiral Jeremy "Mike" Boorda, the nation's top Navy 
 officer, died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound after 
 some of his military awards were called into question. 
1997 In Zaire, President Mobutu Sese Seko gave control of 
 the country to rebel forces ending 32 years of autocratic 
 rule. 
2000 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was nominated 
 to run for U.S. Senator in New York. She was the first 
 U.S. first lady to run for public office. She was given a 
 "safe" constituency and a house in new York to get her 
 out of the White House after President Bill Clinton's 
 Monika Lewinsky affair.
2015  smiled.


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How to remove TermBlazer 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, May 15
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you, Alfred!

Walter, the Stonecarver, had some very good news.
He is using Windows 8.1 on a laptop, but instead of the
rather useless 8.1 desktop is using a classic XP desktop.
With that it works just like an XP machine, except directory
sort and searches are much slower than on the XP.

Other than that it's just like an XP, and you can
get work done just like on an XP. 
And Eudora works just fine on 8.1.

Thanks to Walter for this link:
The XP or W7 desktop shell and various skins are at
http://www.classicshell.net/

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Breastfeeding Florida mom blames 
whiskey-soaked burgers for DUI
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1264 King Henry III was captured by his brother in law Simon 
 deMontfort at the Battle of Lewes in France. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Experience teaches slowly and at the cost of mistakes. --- James A. Froude (1818 - 1894) ______________________________________________________ An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in his efforts to sell a policy to a farmer. "Look at it this way." he said finally. "How would your wife carry on if you should die?" "Well..." drawled the weather-beaten man, "I don't reckon that'd be any concern of mine -- long as she behaves herself while I'm alive." ______________________________________________________ A young couple had a flat tire outside the fence of a mental institution. The wife was leery of the inmates wandering inside the compound, but there was a swift creek separating them and her husband said it was OK. He took off the four lug nuts and set them into the hubcap to keep them from rolling away. Well, when he rolled the spare tire along the car, he rolled it over the edge of the hubcap and the nuts went flying into the creek. He tried wrapping a coathanger around the lug bolts, but as soon as he lowered the car, the wheel popped off to the great amusement of the spectators behind the fence. After a few more similarly hilarious attempts, finally an inmate behind the fence told the young man to take one nut from each of the other tires and put them on the spare. It would be safe enough to get them to a service station a few miles away. "That's pretty smart for a guy in your place," the husband said. The inmate replied: "I may be crazy, but I'm not stupid." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Norway
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cateria Thomas, 33, New Smyrna Beach, Floriduh
Breastfeeding Floorida mom blames whiskey-soaked burgers for DUI A Florida mother accused of driving drunk with four small kids in the car allegedly told police the alcohol on her breath came from the four whiskey-soaked hamburgers she had consumed. Cateria Thomas, 33, was arrested early Tuesday morning in New Smyrna Beach, Florida, after Volusia County deputies noticed her car's tags were expired. Deputies said they noticed three children were improperly restrained and Thomas was breastfeeding a two-month-old child, according to WESH.com. Officers said Thomas' eyes were red, watery and glossy, and her speech was slurred. Three kids, ages 1, 3 and 4, were in the back seat and there was a full can of gas in the front passenger seat, ClickOrlando.com reports. After a relative picked up the children, Thomas failed field sobriety tests. Police said she told them she’d had four “hamburgers with whiskey on them,” the Daytona Beach News-Journal reports. No open bottle in the car. Thomas was charged with unlawful alteration of her car's tags, operating with a suspended license, DUI, a child act that could result in mental or physical injury, and resisting an officer without violence. She remains in the Volusia County Jail on $13,505. They didn't check the blood alcol level of the breastfed baby.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Suryakant Re: TermBlazer Dear Webby, How do I remove TermBlazer AdWare from my PC? Suryakant Dear Suryakant You probably saw me recommending Malwarebytes. http://webby.com/malwarebytes You will need that to get rid of TermBlazer. TermBlazer is not a virus, but some crap, that you agreed to install, either because you got conned into believing it was useful, or as payment for something else, that you believed was useful. Malwarebytes will get rid of TermBlazer. Unfortunately, when you had your gullibility attack, you might have agreed to all kinds of other bad stuff too. Keep a close eye out for any other nuisances, that might still be in your computer, and tell me what they are. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?" The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler." "I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield." The general said, "Drive on!" The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker." The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!" The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the the driver?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Heat Candlesticks to Remove Wax To remove wax from a metal or glass candlestick my way: Turn oven to 170 degrees C (about 325 degrees F) Place item on tray lined with baking paper. Leave for 5 minutes or until it looks like wax has melted. Remove HOT item with a cloth. Be careful not to burn yourself! Rub down with dry rag or paper towel and let cool. This is much less messy than the hot water method and quicker. By Coco333 [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A Congressman is awakened in the middle of the night by his wife who whispers, "I think there's a thief in the house." "Not in the House," her husband says. "In the Senate, yes, for sure, my dear, but not in the House." _____________________________________________________ Joe, John and Bob were moving furniture. While Joe and John were struggling with a particularly heavy oak wardrobe. Joe noticed that Bob was nowhere in sight. "John, where's Bob?" asked Joe. "He should be helping us with this thing." "He is helping," said John, "He's inside holding the clothes hangers in place!" ____________________________________________________
I can't even do a hand stand on the ground let alone on a moving horse!

Today in 
1602 Cape Cod was discovered by Bartholomew Gosnold. 
1614 An aristocratic uprising in France ended with the 
 treaty of St.Menehould. 
1618 Johannes Kepler discovered his harmonics law. 
1702 The War of Spanish Succession began. 
1768 Under the Treaty of Versailles, France purchased 
 Corsica from Genoa just in time for Napoleon to be born
 Frenchman.
1795 Napoleon entered the Lombardian capital of Milan. 
1849 Neapolitan troops entered Palermo, and were in 
 possession of Sicily. 
1911 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the dissolution of 
 Standard Oil Company, ruling it was in violation of 
 the Sherman Antitrust Act. 
1916 U.S. Marines landed in Santo Domingo to quell 
 civil disorder. 
1926 Roald Amundsen and Lincoln Ellsworth were forced down 
 in Alaska after a four-day flight over an icecap. Ice had 
 begun to form on the dirigible Norge. 
1930 Ellen Church became the first female flight attendant. 
1940 Nylon stockings went on sale for the first time in the U.S. 
1942 Gasoline rationing began in the U.S. The limit was 
 3 gallons a week for nonessential vehicles. 
1948 Israel was attacked by Transjordan, Egypt, Syria, 
 Iraq and Lebanon only hours after declaring its independence. 
1951 AT&T became the first corporation to have one million 
 stockholders. 
1957 Britain dropped its first hydrogen bomb on Christmas Island 
 in the Pacific Ocean. 
1958 Sputnik III, the first space laboratory, was launched in 
 the Soviet Union. 
1963 The last Project Mercury space flight was launched. 
1964 The Smothers Brothers, Dick and Tom, gave their first concert 
 in Carnegie Hall in New York City. 
1970 U.S. President Nixon appointed America's first two female generals. 
1970 Phillip Lafayette Gibbs and James Earl Green, two black 
 students at Jackson State University in Mississippi, were killed 
 when police opened fire during student protests. 
1972 Alabama Gov. George C. Wallace was shot by Arthur Bremer in 
 Laurel, MD while campaigning for the U.S. presidency. Wallace 
 was paralyzed by the shot. 
1975 The merchant ship U.S. Mayaguez was recaptured from 
 Cambodia's Khmer Rouge. 
1980 The first transcontinental balloon crossing of the United 
 States took place. 
1983 In Boston,MA, the Madison Hotel was destroyed by implosion. 
1988 The Soviet Union began their withdrawal of its 115,000 
 troops from Afghanistan. Soviet forces had been there for 
 more than eight years. 
1990 Vincent Van Gogh's "Portrait of Doctor Gachet" was sold 
 for $82.5 million. The sale set a new world record. 
1997 The Space shuttle Atlantis blasted off on a mission to 
 deliver urgently needed repair equipment and a fresh 
 American astronaut to Russia's orbiting Mir station. 
1999 The Russian parliament was unable a attain enough 
 votes to impeach President Boris Yeltsin. 
2014 The National September 11 Memorial Museum was dedicated 
 in New York City. 
2015  smiled.


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Why not use Skype for emergency calls? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, May 14

Thank you very much, Clyde!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Nebraska Man, who Details at Boneheads

Today in
1264 King Henry III was captured by his brother in law Simon 
 deMontfort at the Battle of Lewes in France. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Her own mother lived the latter years of her life in the horrible suspicion that electricity was dripping invisibly all over the house. --- James Thurber (1894 - 1961) That reminds me of a time, when I was working at the copper mine in the Yukon. In winter everybody plugged in their vehicles in the mine parking lot, because you couldn't send a spouse or kid out to start and run it a bit every four hours. Without plug-ins none of the vehicles would start after a twelve hour shift at -40 or colder. Everybody had an assigned spot. Most of us had a 15 foot extension cord permanently plugged in on the rail, and just connected that to a short cable from a power bar sticking out from under the carpet covering the grille, That saved us haviing to wind up and crack a cold cable. One day a new guy asked me if all those short cables from the center rails to empty spots might be leaking electricity into the snow. I suggested to kim to just tie a knot into his cable and he would be quite safe. He did that, and he never got electrocuted. If he is still alive, he probably still does that. ______________________________________________________ A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer's soul the preacher asked the man, "Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord my good man?" Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work the farmer replied, "Naw, these are soybeans." "You don't understand," said the preacher. "Are you a Christian?" With the same amount of interest as his previous answer the farmer said, "Nope my name is Jones. You must be lookin for Jim Christian. He lives a mile south of here." The young determined preacher tried again asking the farmer, "Are you lost?" "Naw! I've lived here all my life," answered the farmer. "Are you prepared for the resurrection?" the frustrated preacher asked. This caught the farmer's attention and he asked, "When's it gonna be?" Thinking he had accomplished something the young preacher replied, "It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day." Taking a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping his brow, the farmer remarked, "Well, don't mention it to my wife. She don't get out much and she'll wanna go all three days." ______________________________________________________ Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother!" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture One of the two fox pups in the den at the end of my street. The other one is rather shy, possibly because of kids throwing rocks at it. Their den is only 20 feet off the street.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gursham Gillett, 49, Cozad, Nebraska
Nebraska Man Steals Lawn Mower By Driving It Out The Store A Nebraska man has been accused of stealing a riding lawn mower from a Wal-Mart store and driving it off the lot. The Kearney Hub reports a sheriff's deputy found a man driving the mower Wednesday about 10 miles from the store where it was stolen during the weekend. Forty-nine-year-old Gursham Gillett, of Cozad, was arrested and charged with one count each of theft by shoplifting and criminal mischief. He's accused of stealing the mower from a Wal-Mart Supercenter in Lexington. Security footage shows a man entering the store, fueling up the lawn mower, cutting a chain link fence where the mower was stored and taking off on it. The video shows the man cutting another fence on Interstate 80 before driving out of the camera's view.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marina Re: Why not Skype to emergency numbers? Dear Webby, Why are there all these dire warnings on Skype to never use it to make any emerfgency calls like 911, etc ? Since Skype is much more reliable than our local phone, that seems very odd to me. Marina Dear Marina 911 and other emergency switchboards use fancy programs to tell exactly where you are, just in case somebody grabs your phone or you pass out and don't finish telling them where you are. If you use Skype, then they can't tell where you are. Also, 1-800 and 911 numbers don't work if your call comes in via the Skype switchboard in Luxembourg. When you dial 911 with a phone, it automatically connects you to the nearest emergency switchboard. Skype does not know where that would be. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained. A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm. "This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather for the remaining of the shoot. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks. Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?" The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "My TV is broken." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mark Shower for Correct Temperature If you have a shower and only one tap, you know you get cold water or boiling hot before getting the right temperature. All you have to do is mark the tap with a marker or whiteout once you find the right setting you like. No more freezing cold wake up calls. By coville123 [326] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Linda said: The preacher came to call the other day. He said at my age I should be thinking of the hereafter. I told him, "Oh I do it all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I ask myself, "Now, what am I here after?" _____________________________________________________ A fellow is talking to his Irish buddy and says, "I gotta stop drinking that Irish whiskey" "How come?" asked his friend. "Because every Saturday night I go out and drink a fifth of the stuff, come home, make mad passionate love to the wife, wake up Sunday morning, and go to church." "What's wrong with that?" the Irishman asks. "A lot of good Irishman go out on Saturday night, drink a fifth of good Irish whiskey, come home, make love to their wife, and go to mass on Sunday." "I know," said his friend, "but I'm Jewish." ____________________________________________________
Don't forget to breathe!

Today in 
1264 King Henry III was captured by his brother in law Simon 
 deMontfort at the Battle of Lewes in France. 
1509 In the Battle of Agnadello, French defeated Venitians 
 in Northern Italy. 
1610 French King Henri IV (Henri de Navarre) was assassinated 
 by a fanatical monk, François Ravillac. 
1643 Louis XIV became King of France at age 4 upon the death 
 of his father, Louis XIII. 
1796 The first smallpox vaccination was given by Edward Jenner. 
1804 William Clark set off the famous expedition from Camp 
 Dubois. A few days later, in St. Louis, Meriwether Lewis 
 joined the group. The group was known as the "Corps of Discovery." 
1811 Paraguay gained independence from Spain. 
1853 Gail Borden applied for a patent for condensed milk. 
1862 The chronograph was patented by Adolphe Nicole. 
1878 The name Vaseline was registered by Robert A. Chesebrough. 
1897 Guglielmo Marconi made the first communication by 
 wireless telegraph. 
1935 The Philippines ratified an independence agreement. 
1940 The Netherlands surrendered to Nazi Germany. 
1942 The British, while retreating from Burma, reached India. 
1948 Prime Minister David Ben-Gurion proclaimed the independent 
 State of Israel as British rule in Palestine came to an end. 
1955 The Warsaw Pact, an Easter European mutual-defense treaty, 
 was signed in Poland by eight communist bloc countries 
 including the Soviet Union. 
1973 Skylab One was launched into orbit around Earth as the 
 first U.S. manned space station. 
1975 U.S. forces raided the Cambodian island of Koh Tang and 
 recaptured the American merchant ship Mayaguez. All 40 crew 
 members were released safely by Cambodia. About 40 U.S. 
 servicemen were killed in the military operation. 
1985 The first McDonald's restaurant became the first 
 fast-food business museum. It is located in Des Plaines, Illinois. 
1988 In the Andean village of Cayara, Peru's military was 
 involved in a massacre of at least 26 peasants. 
1992 Former Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev addressed members 
 of the U.S. Congress, appealing to them to pass a bill to aid the 
 people of the former Soviet Union. 
1996 A tornado hit 80 villages in nothern Bangladesh. More than 440 
 people were killed. 
1998 The Associated Press marked its 150th anniversary. 
1999 North Korea returned the remains of six U.S. soldiers that had 
 been killed during the Korean War. 
2015  smiled.


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Internet Radio on dial-up 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, May 13

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Maryland woman after body scanner reveals heroin
in her vagina
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1787 Captain Arthur Phillip left Britain for Australia. He 
 successfully landed eleven ships full of convicts on January 18, 
 1788, at Botany Bay. The group moved north eight days later 
 and settled at Port Jackson. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable. --- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006) ______________________________________________________ "Hello, hello?" shrilled a spinsterish voice over the phone. "Is this the SPCA?" "Yes." "I want you to send somebody over right away." "What's wrong?" "There's a horrid magazine salesman sitting in a tree teasing my dog." ______________________________________________________ The trendy dresser fancied himself quite a romeo, and was delighted to find a note pinned inside a new shirt. It contained a girl's name and address, and asked the recipient to send a photograph. How romantic, he thought to himself, very taken with the idea of this mystery woman so eager to meet him, and promptly mailed off a note and a photo.Heart aflutter, he opened her response. It read, "Thanks for writing. I was just curious to see what kind of guy would buy such a goofy shirt." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to dad for this one: Click through for the big picture This one bloomed last night. To give you an idea how big that flower is, the spines (needles, thorns) are 10 cm (4 inches) ling, and strong enough to hang a coat onn them. The flower lasts just one night, and closes for good in the morning.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Patricia Lee Bembow, Brittany Ann Sapp, 23, Frederick County, Maryland
Body Scanner Reveals Heroin In Woman's Vagina A Maryland woman being processed at jail after her arrest was charged again when a body scanner detected heroin in her vagina. Brittany Ann Sapp, 23, was arrested Saturday after a deputy in Frederick County, Maryland, pulled her over for a traffic violation, according to the Associated Press. During the stop, a K-9 officer sniffed out the presence of narcotics in the car. A search discovered a substance suspected to be heroin, which led to Sapp's arrest, according to WUSA9.com. Sapp was taken to central booking at the Frederick County Adult Detention Center for processing. While she was there, authorities used a body scanner on her that detected a baggie in her vagina. It contained another 1.7 grams of heroin, WBALTV.com reports. She was transferred to a local hospital a short time later after she showed symptoms suggesting that she ingested at least some heroin, MyFoxDC reports. Sapp has been charged with possession of heroin and possession of contraband in a place of confinement, CorrectionsOne.com reports. She was released Saturday after posting $25,000 bail, and is due in court June 30.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Mark Re: Internet Radio Dear Webby, We live way out in the sticks and have an extremely limited choice, actually no satisfactory choice of radio station sout here. At times, when I do have time to listen, they usually have some leftwing nuts arguing and trying to make everybody feel guilty about something. Naturally, that is not good for the health of radios. One neighbor listens to some internet radio, and he definitely has decent music all day long. Can I do that with our dial-up? How do I pipe that to the PA that powers all the speakers on the entire farm? Thanks Mark Dear Mark Yes, sure you can. Go to http://accuradio.com and pick a suitable channel. There are over a Thousand of them. For the connection, have a look on the PA for a blue socket or connection screws, or unused red microphone inputs. Connect from the green sound output on the computer to that. That's all there is to it. By the way, cows are the most peaceful and calm for milking with Classic Country Music. Avoid the modern screechers. With AccuRadio you can rate your favorites and ban screechers. You will have it trained to your liking very quickly. And it is free. To be able to work on your Dial-Up, the music quality is of course not quite as good as from a just bought DVD, but plenty good enough for background, while you are working. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything." "That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything." The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?" he asked. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Healthy Banana Cookies (Gluten Free) Don't pitch out those overripe bananas, make some cookies! When freshly baked, these cookies are crispy on the outside and gummy on the inside. When stored in a container, they lose some of the crispness but are still yummy. They are gluten free, healthy, low in sugar and have no added fat. I figured that each cookie has approximately 52 calories. Approximate Time: less than an hour Yield: 9 two inch cookies Ingredients: 1 ripe banana 1 cup crushed Rice Chex 1/3 cup raisins Steps: Preheat oven 350 degrees F. I used my toaster oven. Place banana on a plate and mash it with a fork until mushy. Place Rice Chex in a bowl and crush them with your hands. It takes almost 2 cups to make 1 cup of crushed. Cut each raisin in half (optional). Stir Rice Chex, banana and raisins in a medium mixing bowl until mixed well. Place foil on a small baking sheet and spray it with Pam. Make 9 balls and place them on the foil. Press each ball down until it is cookie shaped. Bake 20 minutes at 350 degrees F or until browned. Remove from pan and cool on a rack. Source: I have seen several versions of this type cookie using oatmeal. I decided to try Rice Chex and found that it has a different taste and different texture. By Litter Gitter [118] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ One day a salesman stopped by the Jammer Jones farm, knocked, and Jammer's wife Frannie came to the door. "Is your husband home, Ma'am?" he asked. "Sure is. He's over to the cow barn." "Well, I got something to show him, Ma'am. Will I have any difficulty finding him?" "Shouldn't have any difficulties... He's the one with the beard and mustache, - and no horns." _____________________________________________________ A southern woman was rushing to get ready for church. She ran frantically throughout her house, tore through her closet, threw her clothes over her head and ran out the door to her car. When she arrived at the church, she saw a man coming towards her. "Tell me," she panted in her southern drawl, "is mass out?" "Nope," the man replied, yer ass is fine, but yer hat's on crooked." ____________________________________________________
This guy is ambidextrous!

Today in 
1607 Jamestown, Virginia, was settled as a colony of England. 
1779 The War of Bavarian Succession ended. 
1787 Captain Arthur Phillip left Britain for Australia. He 
 successfully landed eleven ships full of convicts on January 18, 
 1788, at Botany Bay. The group moved north eight days later 
 and settled at Port Jackson. 
1821 The first practical printing press was patented in the 
 U.S. by Samuel Rust. 
1846 The U.S. declared that war existed with Mexico. 
1861 Britain declared its neutrality in American Civil War. 
1865 The last land engagement of the American Civil War was 
 fought at the Battle of Palmito Ranch in far south Texas, 
 more than a month after Gen. Lee's surrender at Appomattox, VA. 
1873 Ludwig M. Wolf patented the sewing machine lamp holder. 
1880 Thomas Edison tested his experimental electric railway 
 in Menlo Park. 
1888 Slavery was abolished in Brazil. 
1913 Igor Sikorsky flew the first four engine aircraft. 
1917 Near Fatima, Portugal, three peasant children reported 
 seeing a vision of the Virgin Mary. 
1927 "Black Friday" occurred in Germany. 
1949 The first gas turbine to pump natural gas was installed 
 in Wilmar, AR. 
1954 U.S. President Eisenhower signed into law the St. Lawrence 
 Seaway Development Act. 
1958 French troops took control of Algiers. 
1958 U.S. Vice President Nixon's limousine was battered by rocks 
 thrown by anti-U.S. demonstrators in Caracas, Venezuela. 
1975 Hailstones the size of tennis balls hit Wenerville, TN. 
1985 A confrontation between Philadelphia authorities and the 
 radical group MOVE ended as police dropped an explosive onto 
 the group's headquarters. Eleven people died in the fire that 
 resulted. 
1998 India did a second round of nuclear tests. The first round 
 had been done 2 days earlier. Within hours the U.S. and Japan 
 imposed tough economic sanctions. India claimed that the tests 
 were necessary to maintain India's national security. 
1999 In Moscow, the impeachment of Russian President Boris 
 Yeltsin began. 
2003 The U.S. government unveiled a newly designed version of the 
 $20 bill. It was the first to be colorized in an effort to stop 
 counterfeiters. 
2015  smiled.


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Kudos for Thunderbird 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, May 12

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Florida Woman Fakes Bomb Threat 
In Hopes Of Getting A Ride
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1847 William Clayton invented the odometer.  
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid. --- Art Spander ______________________________________________________ A bunch of guys decided one morning that they would go deer hunting. So they all piled into the station wagon with their guns and took off down the road looking for a place to go hunting. After driving awhile they came across an old farm house with a large spread of woods behind it. One of the guys went to the door and asked the farmer if they could hunt in his woods. When asked, the farmer said "Yes, sure, but would you do me a favor? The ol' bull in the corall there beside the house is on his last legs and I know he is sufferin', would you kindly put him down for me? I don' have the heart to." As the hunter walked back to the station wagon, he decided to play a prank on his fellow hunters. So when he got back to the station wagon he pulled out his rifle and said "..I'll teach that old coot for not letting us hunt on his property!" and shot the old bull. After he fired the shot, he heard another shot and another one, and one of the other hunters proclaim, "Yea, we'll show him... I got the cow and the calf, too!" ______________________________________________________ Linda went into the local bookstore and saw this big display with a sign saying "Newly Translated from the Original French: 37 Mating Positions." Noticing the books were already wrapped in plain brown paper, she just had to buy one. Once safely at home, she opened it and found that she had just purchased a very expensive book about chess. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Phantom F4
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Patricia Lee Bembow, 44, Escambia, Florida
Florida Woman Fakes Bomb Threat In Hopes Of Getting A Ride She's accused of calling in a bomb threat to get a free ride, and she got one -- straight to jail. It's an unusual method Patricia Lee Bembow allegedly used Monday to get picked up from a Raceway gas station in Pensacola, Florida. Bembow called a U.S. Navy recruiting station at around 8:45 a.m. and asked if she had reached "the government," according to the Pensacola News Journal. She had -- the man who answered was First Class Petty Officer Charles Brockett. She then allegedly told him there was a bomb at an undisclosed location, according to NorthEscambia.com. Bembow demanded that someone come pick her up at the gas station or else, "(Expletive) was gonna go down," the Pensacola News Journal reported. Bembow also reportedly gave her real name, according to the police report. Brockett informed his superiors, who contacted the Escambia County Sheriff's Office, according to GulfLive.com. Deputies picked up Bembow at the gas station, but chose to drive her to the Escambia County Jail rather than her preferred destination. The suspect was charged with a felony bomb threat and remains in the Escambia County Jail with bond set at $5,000, WEAR TV reports.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Gyppo Re: Thunderbird is OK Dear Webby, Just to second your recommendation of Thunderbird. I switched to it when I changed from XP to Win 7 a while back. I had to contact my ISP to find out which ports to use, as it wasn't one they routinely supported. But apart from that it worked straight out of the box. I like my email fairly 'bare bones' so it suits me fine. Been using it for about a year now without nasty surprises, and it imported all the files from Outlook Express which I wanted to save. Took a long time, because there were lots of them, but it did it with no hang-ups. Like OE it seems to appreciate it if you don't let your inbox get too large. When it prompts you to compress folders just do it, it doesn't take long. Gyppo/John Dear Gyppo "Compressing folders" is just what used to be called "Compact Mailboxes" in Eudora. Windows allocates extra space to each file, in case of editing requiring space. That is great if you are composing a novel, but received email is never going to be edited. The most you'll do is add a flag or label. So Thunderbird, like the Eudora code underneath, stomps the file space allocations down to actually used numbers of bytes. At the same time the files get re-indexed to make searches faster. Currently there are about 30 Million active Thunderbird users, a number that is expected to triple in the near future because of new machines being shipped with W8.1 and / or W10 pre-installed at the factory. Guess who controls those factories in China? If Windows Live Mail does indeed get fixed for W10 and be brought up to be compatible with the International Open Standard, that prediction might change slightly, but probably not by much. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Q: What is the difference between a psychotic and a neurotic? A: A psychotic thinks that 2 plus 2 makes 5. A neurotic KNOWS that 2 plus 2 makes 4 -- but that is just not good enough for her. (or him) ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baby Food Snack Containers I love the little plastic containers that our son's baby food comes in. They have so many uses. I like to reuse them for his snacks, such as goldfish crackers and sandwich crackers. The lids snaps on securely and they fit easily into my purse. :) By lalala. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Harv had 9 children, and the Emergency room was a regular place to go at least once a month with one of them. Well one day she took one of her sons and there was a long wait for service. They were very busy; when they finally started calling people, the first four people they called had already gotten better and left! _____________________________________________________ The two teenagers were arrested for public lewdness and possession of marijuana when they were found naked, each smoking a joint, sitting on the edge of the fountain in the town square. The arresting officer told them they were entitled to a phone call, since he was unable to reach either parent. Some time later, a man entered the station and the sergeant said, "I suppose you're the kids' lawyer." "Nope," the chap replied. "I'm just here to deliver them a pizza." ____________________________________________________
Brave soldiers and an old plane.

Today in 
1588 King Henry III fled Paris after Henry of Guise 
 triumphantly entered the city. 
1847 William Clayton invented the odometer. 
1870 Manitoba entered the Confederation as a 
 Canadian province. 
1881 Tunisia, in North Africa became a French protectorate. 
1885 In the Battle of Batoche, French Canadians rebelled 
 against the Canadian government. 
1926 The airship Norge became the first vessel to fly over 
 the North Pole. 
1937 Britain's King George VI was crowned at Westminster Abbey. 
1940 The Nazi conquest of France began with the German army 
 crossing Muese River. 
1942 The Soviet Army launched its first major offensive 
 of World War II and took Kharkov in the eastern Ukraine 
 from the German army. 
1943 The Axis forces in North Africa surrendered during 
 World War II. 
1949 The Soviet Union announced an end to the Berlin 
 Blockade. 
1965 West Germany and Israel exchanged letters establishing 
 diplomatic relations. 
1975 U.S. merchant ship Mayaguez was seized by Cambodian 
 forces in international waters. 
1978 The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration 
 announced that they would no longer exclusively name 
 hurricanes after women. 
1982 South Africa unveiled a plan that would give voting 
 rights to citizens of Asian and mixed-race descent, but 
 not to blacks. 
1984 South African prisoner Nelson Mandela saw his wife 
 for the first time in 22 years. 
1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin dismissed Prime 
 Minister Yevgeny Primakov and named Interior Minister 
 Sergei Stepashin as his successor. 
2002 Former U.S. President Carter arrived in Cuba for a 
 visit with Fidel Castro. It was the first time a U.S. 
 head of state, in or out of office, had gone to the 
 island since Castro's 1959 revolution. 
2003 In Texas, fifty-nine Democratic lawmakers went into 
 hiding over a dispute with Republican's over a congressional 
 redistricting plan. 
2015  smiled.


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Windows 8 not Open Standards Compatible 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, May 11

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Waffle House Masturbator
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1573 Henry of Anjou became the first elected king of Poland. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) ______________________________________________________ Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through. So she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said "Oh, am I driving?" ______________________________________________________ Professor's Definitions Of A Kiss ------------------------------------- Professors of different subjects define the same word in different ways: Prof. of Computer Science: A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte. Prof. of Algebra: A kiss is two divided by nothing. Prof. of Geometry: A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines. Prof. of Physics: A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart. Prof. of Chemistry: A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts. Prof. of Zoology: A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria. Prof. of Physiology: A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris muscles in the state of contraction. Prof. of Dentistry: A kiss is infectious and antiseptic. Prof. of Accountancy: A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned. Prof. of Economics: A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply. Prof. of Statistics: A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 39-24-36. Prof. of Philosophy: A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old. Prof. of English: A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all. Prof. of Engineering: Huh, What? I'm not familiar with that term. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Guam
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Emanuel Williams, 36, Macon Georgia
Police Hunting Waffle House Masturbator A Waffle House employee who was videotaped by a fellow worker masturbating inside the open Georgia restaurant is being sought by police on an arrest warrant charging him with public indecency, cops report. Emanuel Williams, 36, is wanted in connection with the incident Monday afternoon in the dining room of a Waffle House in Macon, according to police. Williams, pictured above, is on the Bibb County sex offenders list due to a 1999 rape conviction for which the convicted felon served nearly a decade in state prison. Investigators who watched the video reported that it “clearly” shows Williams masturbating and “has a shot of his penis.” While pleasuring himself, Williams was “sitting at a booth facing a window,” according to a Bibb County Sheriff's Office report. As detailed in a second police report, Williams and a female coworker were the only employees in the eatery Monday when Williams announced that he was preparing to pleasure himself. The woman, who said she was on the phone at the time, told deputies that she did not take Williams seriously. Upon finishing her call, the woman “walked over to the suspect to see if he really was jacking his penis, and he was,” an investigator reported. The woman said that she began recording Williams with her phone because she “knew no one would believe her” when she later recounted the incident. “She stated that as she was recording him, she was telling him the whole time that she was recording him and that he was a pervert,” a deputy noted. “She stated that he responded by saying he wasn't a pervert he was just a freak." The coworker told investigators that when she told Williams that he should not be surprised if the video began circulating, he “stated that he didn’t care.” The woman said that Williams “continued on until he masturbated,” adding that she “told him she hopes he washes his hands.” The video of Williams subsequently was uploaded to Facebook and provided to a local TV news station. Williams was fired immediately after Waffle House corporate officials learned of the video. The restaurant worker told deputies that she decided to formally report the incident after she began receiving threatening Facebook messages from Williams and his girlfriend. The woman said that she was afraid to return to the Waffle House because “she thinks they are going to come to her job and fight her.”
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Walter Re: Live Mail not accepting Open Office documents Dear Webby, here is an update concerning sending a file as an attachment with an email from Open Office in Windows 8.1 All your suggestions unfortunately didn't work. It apparently ain't possible. Two technicians at the Geek Squad spent over an hour trying to make it happen but concluded that there is no email compatibility between 8.1 and Open Office. Be well, live long, and prosper, Walter Dear Walter, I don't have W8 or 8.1. It was Microsoft who claimed that 8.1 works. Now they claim that version 10 might work. The concept for Windows Live Mail was actually quite good, but the implementation obviously is not. You can try calling Microsoft Support, but make sure you use Skype! Otherwise they will waste your time until your phone battery dies. And use a headset. They do. I wouldn't bet on them being helpful or useful, but it would be good to know what excuse they have against Open Standards. If they admit that 8.1 is not Open Standard compliant and does not work, demand version 7 DVD. If they fail to supply one, you can still by Version 7 DVDs at Tiger, NewEgg and Futureshop. The alternative to all that is to install Thunderbird. It is built on the source code of Eudora. It doesn't come with all the goods of Eudora built in, you have to install everything above bare bones funtionality as add-ons. Since you probably never use most of them anyway, that makes the program smaller and faster. Just like Eudora was the standard from 1990 to 2014, when Qualcom killed it, Thunderbird is now taking it's place. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A New York woman was at her hairdresser's on Park Avenue getting her hair styled prior to a trip to Rome with her boyfriend. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?" "We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's left bank called Tes ... " "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?" "We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this wacky trip of yours. You're going to need it." A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome. "It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to First Class. The food was wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel -- it was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!" "Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me." "Oh, really? What'd he say?" He said, "Where did you get that sorry hairdoo?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy Egg Salad for Sandwiches Next time you are cooking scrambled eggs, cook a double quantity and leave half to cool. These can then be mashed with your preferred mayonnaise and freshly ground black pepper to taste. It saves all the palaver of shelling boiled eggs, and is easier to mix into the bargain. I normally scramble my eggs with salted butter - if you prefer to use only skimmed milk, you may wish to add salt. If I am not planning to use the sandwich filling immediately, I will usually store in the fridge for up to three days, covered with cling film. By Verity Pink [27] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at Tim Alley's Grocery Store. The owner Tim doesn't know what Junior's problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They say he is two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles shy of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they offer Junior his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always takes the nickel, they say, because it's bigger. One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, Tim got him off to one side and said, "Junior, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?" Junior said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd quit giving me nickles!" _____________________________________________________ A protestant moved into a completely Catholic community. Being good Catholics they welcomed him into their community. But, also because they were good Catholics, they did not eat red meat on Fridays. So, when their neighbor began barbecuing some juicy steak on Friday nights, they began to squirm. They were so annoyed that they went to talk to him about it. After much talk they convinced him to become Catholic. The next Sunday he went to the priest and the priest sprinkled holy water on him and said: You were born Protestant. You were raised Protestant. But now you are Catholic. And so, the next Friday, as the neighbors sat down to eat their fish, they were disturbed by the smell of roast beef coming from the neighboring house. They went over to talk to the new Catholic because he knew he was not supposed to eat beef on Fridays. When they saw him, he was sprinkling pepper on the beef steak saying: You were born a cow. You were raised a cow. But now you are fish. --------- Yes, I know, the Catholics gave up on that no-red-meat-on Fridays, and the next pope might be a woman, maybe even one, who is married to another woman. They are going to hang on to Easter Sunday though, for the time being. ____________________________________________________
Beautiful, odd, strange and lovely trees.

Today in 
0330 Constantinople, previously the town of Byzantium, was founded. 
1573 Henry of Anjou became the first elected king of Poland. 
1647 Peter Stuyvesant arrived in New Amsterdam to become governor. 
1689 French and English naval battle takes place at Bantry Bay. 
1745 French forces defeat an Anglo-Dutch-Hanoverian army at 
 Fontenoy. 
1792 The Columbia River was discovered by Captain Robert Gray. 
1857 Indian mutineers seized Delhi from the British. 
1889 Major Joseph Washington Wham takes charge of $28,000 
 in gold and silver to pay troops at various points in the 
 Arizona Territory. The money was stolen in a train robbery. 
1894 Workers at the Pullman Palace Car Company in Illinois 
 went on strike. 
1910 Glacier National Park in Montana was established. 
1927 The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences was founded. 
1934 A severe two-day dust storm stripped the topsoil from 
 the great plains of the U.S. and created a "Dust Bowl." The 
 storm was one of many. 
1944 A major offensive was launched by the allied forces in 
 central Italy. 
1947 The creation of the tubeless tire was announced by the 
 B.F. Goodrich Company. 
1949 Siam changed its name to Thailand. 
1960 Israeli soldiers captured Adolf Eichmann in Buenos Aires. 
1985 More than 50 people died when a flash fire swept a 
 soccer stadium in Bradford, England. 
1995 The Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty was extended 
 indefinitely. The treaty limited the spread of nuclear 
 material for military purposes. 
1996 An Atlanta-bound ValuJet DC-9 caught fire shortly after 
 takeoff from Miami and crashed into the Florida Everglades. 
 All 110 people on board were killed. 
1997 Garry Kasparov, world chess champion, lost his first 
 ever multi-game match. He lost to IBM's chess computer 
 Deep Blue. It was the first time a computer had beaten a 
 world-champion player. 
1998 India conducted its first underground nuclear tests, 
 in 24 years, three of them. The tests were in violation of 
 a global ban on nuclear testing. 
1998 A French mint produced the first coins of Europe's 
 single currency. The coin is known as the euro. 
2015  smiled.


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Chrome jumps to full screen 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, May 10
Happy Mother's Day!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Convicted felon nabbed for loaded firearm on back seat
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1773 The English Parliament passed the Tea Act, which taxed 
 all tea in the U.S. colonies and severely annoyed them. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others. --- Cyril Connolly (1903 - 1974) ______________________________________________________ A guy was visiting his friend in the hospital who was 'all torn up'. "What happened?" he asked. "Well," explained the patient, "we were hunting the Mumba snake. It has yellow and black stripes. It likes to sun itself lying across a pathway in the jungle. You catch it by grabbing the tip of its tail with one hand and quickly running your other hand up the length of its body so you can grab it behind the neck." "Go on," the friend said. He continued, "Well, at mid day the shadows and the lit parts of the jungle sometimes make it difficult to see every detail, so when I sneaked up to the snake lying across the jungle path, I pounced on it in a flying leap, grabbed it by the end and rapidly moved my other hand upward ... just as the procedure goes." "So why are you so beaten up?" the friend asked. The patient said slowly, "Did you ever goose a *tiger*??" ______________________________________________________ Five tourists travelling across Europe in an Audi Quattro arrive at a french border crossing. The Customs agent stops them and says, "It's illegal to put five people in a Quattro." "What do you mean it's illegal?" asks one of the tourists. "Quattro means four," replies the border official. "Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the tourist retorts disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five persons." "You can't pull that one on me," replies the Customs agent. "Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law." The tourist replies angrily, "You Goof! Call your supervisor over-I want to speak to someone with some intelligence!" "Sorry," responds the official, "he can't come. He's busy with two guys in a Fiat Uno." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Sailboats in Panama City, Florida at sunset. Taken on a Samsung Galaxy 5 by Luke Swims
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Andrea Vanderstek, 35, Flippin, Arkansas
Convicted felon nabbed for firearm Andrea Vanderstek, 35, of Flippin, was arrested and charged with felony possession of a firearm by certain persons on Wednesday night. The arrest stems from a traffic stop by the Flippin Police Department. According to Police Chief Dusty Smith, officers stopped Vaderstek for traffic violations and located a loaded assault rifle in the back seat of her vehicle. Vanderstek is a convicted felon and prohibited from possessing a firearm. Vanderstek was arrested without incident and transported to the Marion County Sheriff's Office. She was released on $5,000 bond, but according to Smith, Vanderstek is expected to face additional charges for probation violations. Her most recent mug-shot before this one was Sept 21, 2014.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Kayla Re: Chrome goes Full screen Dear Webby, Every now and then my Chrome goes Full Screen. Then I can't get it back to my usual window size. I use two monitors, and have Chrome usually on about half of the second monitor. Is that a problem? Thaks Kayla Dear Kayla Just hit F11, and the window jumps back to where it was before going Full Screen. Using two monitors is not a problem at all. Accidentally hitting F11 is what causes it to jump to Full Screen. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ I have been asked for more church bulletin board Ooopses. Most of these I have printed before at various times, but here is a batch that you can take to church today: *Women's Luncheon: Each member bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give the medication. *If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly. *We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the church building and the rector. *Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford" *Sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be water baptized on the table in the foyer. *Newsletters are not being sent to absentees because of their weight. *Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep. *The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level of St. Mary's Cathedral. *The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the church board. *As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof outing. *Fifth Sinday is Lent. *Thank you dead friends. *Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding. *Lent is that period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter. *For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing even to the dividing asunder of soup and spirit. *Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men. *Definition: Persons who are shut-in during bath weather. *Bring one dozen coolies wrapped for Christmas. *The lovers in the exhaust fan are not working. *Volunteers are needed to spit up food. *Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess *We pray that our people will jumble themselves. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy Egg Salad for Sandwiches Next time you are cooking scrambled eggs, cook a double quantity and leave half to cool. These can then be mashed with your preferred mayonnaise and freshly ground black pepper to taste. It saves all the palaver of shelling boiled eggs, and is easier to mix into the bargain. I normally scramble my eggs with salted butter - if you prefer to use only skimmed milk, you may wish to add salt. If I am not planning to use the sandwich filling immediately, I will usually store in the fridge for up to three days, covered with cling film. By Verity Pink [27] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home". Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again. "Johnatahan," she said, "I don't like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath." "Don't worry." replied her husband. "If the neighbors do see you, they'll buy curtains." _____________________________________________________ The happy couple were being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary. The society reporter asked, "In all that time, did you ever consider a divorce?" "Oh, no, not divorce, we're too old fashioned for that," the husband replied. "Murder occasionally," the wife offered "but never divorce." ____________________________________________________
Some really awesome photos of the 2015 photo contest.

Today in 
1503 Christopher Columbus discovered the Cayman Islands. 
1676 Bacon's Rebellion, which pits frontiersmen against 
 the government, began. 
1773 The English Parliament passed the Tea Act, which taxed 
 all tea in the U.S. colonies and severely annoyed them. 
1774 Louis XVI ascended the throne of France. 
1775 Ethan Allen and Colonel Benedict Arnold led an attack 
 on the British Fort Ticonderoga and captured it from the 
 British. 
1796 Napoleon Bonaparte won a brilliant victory against 
 the Austrians at Lodi bridge in Italy. 
1840 Mormon leader Joseph Smith moved his band of followers 
 to Illinois to escape the hostilities they had experienced 
 in Missouri. 
1857 The Seepoys of India revolted against the British Army. 
1865 Confederate President Jefferson Davis was captured by 
 Union troops near Irvinville, GA. 
1869 Central Pacific and Union Pacific Rail Roads meet in 
 Promontory, UT. A golden spike was driven in at the 
 celebration of the first transcontinental railroad in the U.S. 
1876 Richard Wagner’s "Centennial Inaugural March" was heard 
 for the first time at the Centennial Exposition in Philadelphia, PA. 
1898 A vending machine law was enacted in Omaha, NE. It cost 
 $5,000 for a permit. 
1908 The first Mother's Day observance took place during a 
 church service in Grafton, West Virginia. 
1924 J. Edgar Hoover was appointed head of the 
 Federal Bureau of Investigation. 
1927 The Hotel Statler in Boston, MA. became the first hotel 
 to install radio headsets in each of its 1,300 rooms. 
1933 The Nazis staged massive public book burnings in Germany. 
1940 Germany invaded Belgium, France, the Netherlands, and 
 Luxembourg, all in one day.
1941 England's House of Commons was destroyed by a German air raid. 
1941 Rudolf Hess, Adolf Hitler's deputy, parachuted into 
 Scotland on what he claimed was a peace mission. England 
 didn't want peace and jailed him for 40 years.
1942 U.S. forces in the Philippines began to surrender to 
 the Japanese. 
1943 U.S. troops invaded Attu in the Aleutian Islands to 
 expel the Japanese. 
1960 The U.S.S. Triton completed the first circumnavigation 
 of the globe under water. The trip started on February 16. 
1968 Preliminary Vietnam peace talks began in Paris. 
1978 Britain's Princess Margaret and the Earl of Snowdon 
 announced they were divorcing after 18 years of marriage. 
1997 An earthquake in northeastern Iran killed at least 
 2,400 people. 
1999 China broke off talks on human rights with the U.S.
 in response to NATO's "accidental" bombing of the Chinese 
 Embassy in Yugoslavia. 
2000 11,000 residents were evacuated in Los Alamos, NM, 
 due to a fire that was blown into a canyon. The fire had 
 been deliberately set to clear brush. 
2001 Boeing Co. announced that it would be moving its 
 headquarters to Chicago, IL. 
2001 In Ghana, 121 people were killed in a stampede at 
 a soccer game. 
2002 Robert Hanssen was sentenced to life in prison with 
 no chance for parole. Hanssen, an FBI agent, had sold U.S. 
 secrets to Moscow for $1.4 million in cash and diamonds. 
2002 Taiwan test fired a locally made Sky Bow II 
 surface-to-air missile for the first time. They also fired 
 three U.S.-made Hawk missiles. 
2002 Dr. Pepper announced that it would be introducing a new 
 flavor, Red Fusion, for the first time in 117 years. 
2011 It was announced that Microsoft had closed a deal to 
 purchase the internet phone service Skype for $8.5 billion. 
2013 In New York, NY, crane operators hoisted the final pieces 
 of the spire atop One World Trade Center (formerly called the 
Freedom Tower). 
     2015  smiled.


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Excel 2013 crashying when trying to open older spreadsheets 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, May 9

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Florida Parents Gave Kids Pot, 
Cocaine As 'Bargaining Tool'
to get them to go to school
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1671 Thomas "Captain" Blood stole the crown jewels from the 
 tower of London. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time. --- Tallulah Bankhead (1903 - 1968) For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. --- Johnny Carson (1925 - 2005) ______________________________________________________ If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. ______________________________________________________ A class from a nearby university was visiting a major drug manufacturer. The tour guide led the students to a glass- enclosed room. They could see several people in white lab coats. With her back to the glass, the guide announced: "In this room researchers are actively searching for a cure for cancer." She stopped short as the group broke out laughing. Puzzled, the guide turned to look. Through the glass she saw three scientists in animated debate, flipping through the pages of a Boston Pizza menu. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joey Mudd, 34, Char Mudd 36, St Petrersburg, Floriduh
Florida Parents Gave Kids Pot, Cocaine As 'Bargaining Tool' to get them to go to school A couple gave their teenage daughters cocaine and marijuana if they went to school and did household chores, authorities said. Chad and Joey Mudd, of Largo, a suburb in the Tampa-St. Petersburg area, gave their daughters, ages 13 and 14, drugs as a "bargaining tool" for school attendance and doing chores, Pinellas County Sheriff's detectives said. They were arrested Monday. According to an affidavit, the mother said she smoked pot with her daughters five times and the father snorted cocaine with the teens and one of his daughter's boyfriends in his truck. Chad Mudd, the 36-year-old father who works at an area beach bar, was charged with six counts of child abuse and one count of possession of cocaine. Joey Mudd, the girls' 34-year-old mom, was charged with two counts of child abuse. Arrest records say she works at a pediatrician's office. Joey Mudd was released Wednesday on bail and Chad Mudd was released Thursday on bail. Calls to telephone numbers belonging to the Mudds weren't answered because they were at work. It's unclear if they've retained an attorney. It's not clear who has taken custody of the children.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Elton Re: Problem with Excel 2013 Dear Webby, At my new job they use Office 2013, and as usual with Microsoft, it is not compatible with other Microsoft programs. Even trying to open a spreadsheet written with Excel 2007, it crashes. How am I supposed to work when the stupid thing keeps crashing? What is the solution? Time to upgrade to Open Office? Elton Dear Elton That is a known bug in 2013. Apparently you would have to butcher Excel and cut out EMET (Enhanced Mitigation Experience Toolkit) Excel and WORD work fine without that thilly nuissance. The only other method woul be to open the file with Open Office, and save it as an Excel 2013 type file. Don't ask me why! I haven't smoked that stuff sine 1972. If you call Microsoft, then apparently they blame you for a flakey installation, and that you should upgrade to Windows 8.1, which incidentally does not fix the problem. By that point most people slam the phone. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The only people who listen to both sides of an argument are the neighbors. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hairspray for Creased Jeans I recently got out an old bag of jeans I thought I would never fit into and also thought that they would be way out of style. #1. They fit. "Yeah!" And #2. The styles are all back in. I never thought I would imagine people wearing flared bottom jeans, we called them "Bell-bottoms" Ha, ha, ha. After losing some weight to an unfortunate health problem, all these jeans fit great. I am looking like the most styling grandmother of 11 grandchildren. They think I am the coolest. It takes their minds off the fact that I am sick, which is working well for all of us. I was ironing my jeans. Back in my day, we always had a crease in our jeans. After starting the crease, I sprayed lightly with a pump bottle of hairspray. It gave the jeans a really sharp crease and a softer touch. And those jeans never lost their look. At least I will be going out in style. :) There are many uses for hairspray! Be creative! Hairspray for Creased Jeans By Jackie H. [67] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A preacher was really hitting his stride one Sunday, delivering a sermon on sin. "Is there anyone here who is without SIN?" he shouted, glowering at the congregation. Embarrassed parishioners stirred nervously in their seats, but no one stood. Feeling he really had them this time, the preacher roared, "Is there anyone here who thinks he or she is PERFECT?" One small man, seated next to a rather imposing woman, rose nervously to his feet. "So, Brother Jones, you think YOU are PERFECT?" Quietly the man replied, "No, Reverend, I'm just standing for my wife's first husband." _____________________________________________________ An American journalist was stopped at a Russian Checkpoint in Chechnya. The Russian soldier said, "Get out of the car and open the trunk!" The American replied, "I'm sorry, but the handbrake on the rental car is broken. I can't take my foot off the brake or it'll roll back down the hill." So the Russian says, "Do you take me for a FOOL?!" as he slides into the passenger seat, and stamps his big boot onto the brake pedal. "Now, go and open the trunk!" So the journalist reluctantly complies with the soldiers request and goes and opens the trunk of the car. "Now", shouts the Russian from inside the car, "Is there any contraband in there?" ____________________________________________________
Some really awesome photos of the 2015 photo contest.

Today in 
1429 Joan of Arc defeated the besieging English at Orleans. 
1502 Christopher Columbus left Spain for his final trip to the 
 Western Hemisphere. 
1671 Thomas "Captain" Blood stole the crown jewels from the 
 tower of London. 
1754 The first newspaper cartoon in America showed a divided 
 snake "Join or die" in "The Pennsylvania Gazette." 
1785 Joseph Bramah patented the beer-pump handle. 
1825 The Chatham Theatre opened in New York City. It was 
 the first gas-lit theater in America. 
1915 German and French forces fought the Battle of Artois. 
1926 Americans Richard Byrd and Floyd Bennett became the first 
 men to fly an airplane over the North Pole. 
1936 Fascist Italy took Addis Abbea and annexed Ethiopia. 
1941 The German submarine U-110 was captured at sea by 
 Britain's Royal navy. 
1945 U.S. officials announced that the midnight entertainment 
 curfew was being lifted immediately. 
1946 King Victor Emmanuel II of Italy abdicated and was 
 replaced by Umberto. 
1955 West Germany joined NATO. 
1958 Richard Burton made his network television debut in the 
 presentation of "Wuthering Heights" on CBS-TV. 
1960 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved for 
 sale an oral birth-control pill for the first time. 
1962 A laser beam was successfully bounced off Moon for the 
 first time. 
1974 The House Judiciary Committee began formal hearings on 
 the Nixon impeachment. 
1978 The bullet-riddled body of former Italian Prime Minister 
 Aldo Moro was found in an automobile in the center of Rome. 
 The Red Brigades had abducted him. 
1980 A Liberian freighter hit the Sunshine Skyway Bridge over 
 Tampa Bay in Florida. 35 motorists were killed and a 1,400-foot 
 section of the bridge collapsed. 
1996 In video testimony to a courtroom in Little Rock, AR, U.S. 
 President Clinton insisted that he had nothing to do with a 
 $300,000 loan in the criminal case against his former Whitewater 
 partners. 
2002 In Bethlehem, West Bank, a deal was reached that would end 
 the 38-day standoff at the Church of the Nativity. Thirteen 
 suspected militants were to be deported to several different 
 countries. The standoff had begun on April 2, 2002. 
2002 In Kaspiisk, Russia, 39 people were killed and at least 130 
 were injurde when a remote-controlled bomb exploded during a 
 holiday parade. 
2002 In Bahrain, people were allowed to vote for representatives 
 for the first time in nearly 30 years. Women were allowed to 
 vote for the first time in the country's history.
2015  smiled.


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Ideal Text Editor 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, May 8
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Drunken Indiana Man Driving 
Lawn Mower Had Whopping Blood 
Alcohol Content
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1096 Peter the Hermit and his army reached Hungary. They 
 passed through without incident. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation. --- Kin Hubbard (1868 - 1930) ______________________________________________________ >From Roland When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School. One of the questions they asked us to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect. Those who answered SPINE are doctors today. The rest of us are sending jokes via email. ______________________________________________________ The company I worked for had an employee-suggestion competition, the entire staff was to submit entries that would save money for the firm. The winner was a man in my department who suggested we post corporate memos on bulletin boards, instead of printing 200 individual copies for distribution. He got a helium balloon with the company logo and one share of stock. A memo announcing the prize was printed and mailed out to 200 people who walked past the bulletin board every day. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Trevor Bates, 27, Evansville Indiana
Drunken Indiana Man Driving Lawn Mower Had Whopping Blood Alcohol Content In what appears to be a record for drunken lawn mower joyriding, an Indiana man’s blood alcohol content was nearly six times the legal limit, according to cops who received reports that the suspect was driving in traffic with his daughter on his lap. Trevor Bates, 27, was cited Saturday after witnesses called 911 to report that an intoxicated man was driving a lawn mower erratically on an Evansville street. Police report that Bates had a .445 blood alcohol content (the legal limit is .08). Bates was not arrested at the scene since he was not atop the lawnmower when officers arrived. Instead, Bates was given a summons for public intoxication. Court records show that Bates’s rap sheet includes two drunk driving arrests, two public intoxication busts, and collars for battery and resisting arrest. He is pictured above in a mug shot taken following an arrest last year.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Chris Re: Text editor Dear Webby, You mentioned once a text editor, that you really liked. Unfortunqately, I did not need one at that time, and did not mark it dow. Do you still use that one? Chris Dear Chris Yes, sure I am still using it, since 1997 to be exact. It is called NoteTab and you get it from htttp://notetab.com NoteTab has tabs, like they have become fashionable with browsers. You can copy back and forth between different documents, convert from HTML to Txt and back, click on links, and hundreds of different other tricks. I would feel severely handicapped, if I could not use it. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this one: An elderly couple was watching television one evening. "I am going to get a dish of ice cream now," the wife said. Kindly, the husband offered to get the ice cream for his wife. "I'll write it down so you don't forget," she said. "I won't forget," the old gent said. "But, I want chocolate syrup and nuts on it. So, I'll write it down," she replied. "I will get you the ice cream. Don't you worry," replied the husband. A few minutes later, the old man returned with bacon and eggs. His wife said, "See, I should have written it down because you forgot the toast." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Crystal Clear Roof Rain Gutters Crystal Clear Roof Rain GuttersMy traditional metal gutters worked more like car washes; clogging, overflowing and rotting the fascia boards. I took them off but then had too much water hitting the porch over front door. By MITCH ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A reporter from New York was visiting an old colleague who now edited a newspaper in a tiny Vermont town. "I don't see how you do it," the NY reporter said. "How can you drum up interest in the news when everybody in town knows what everybody else is doing and with whom?" "Sure they know," the editor said, "but they read the paper to see who got caught at it." _____________________________________________________ Bubba was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey. His lawyer put him on the stand and asked the jurors to look carefully at his client. "Now, Ladies and Gentleman of the jury," concluded the lawyer, "you've looked carefully at the defendant. "Can you sit there in the jury and honestly believe that if my client had ANY whiskey he would sell it?" He was acquitted. ____________________________________________________
Mother Nature...wow.. The photographer spent many hours in making this video and must have a fantastic zoom and how about the slo-mos!!

Today in 
1096 Peter the Hermit and his army reached Hungary. They 
 passed through without incident. 
1450 Jack Cade's Rebellion-Kentishmen revolted against King 
 Henry VI. 
1541 Hernando de Soto reached the Mississippi River. He called 
 it Rio de Espiritu Santo. 
1794 Antoine Lavoisier was executed by guillotine. He was the 
 French chemist who discovered oxygen. 
1846 The first major battle of the Mexican War was fought. The 
 battle occurred in Palo Alto, TX. 
1847 The rubber tire was patented by Robert W. Thompson. 
1879 George Selden applied for the first automobile patent. 
1886 Pharmacist Dr. John Styth Pemberton invented what 
 would later be called "Coca-Cola." 
1904 U.S. Marines landed in Tangier to protect the Belgians. 
1914 The U.S. Congress passed a Joint Resolution that designated 
 the second Sunday in May as Mother's Day. 
1919 The first transatlantic flight took-off by a navy 
 seaplane. 
1921 Sweden abolished capital punishment. 
1933 Gandhi began a hunger strike to protest British 
 oppression in India. 
1943 The Germans suppressed a revolt by Polish Jews and 
 destroyed the Warsaw Ghetto. 
1945 U.S. President Harry Truman announced that World War II 
 had ended in Europe. 
1956 Alfred E. Neuman appeared on the cover of "Mad Magazine" 
 for the first time. 
1958 U.S. President Eisenhower ordered the National Guard out of 
Little Rock as Ernest Green became the first black to graduate 
 from an Arkansas public school. 
1959 Mike and Marian Ilitch founded "Little Caesars Pizza Treat". 
1960 Diplomatic relations between Cuba and the Soviet Union 
 resumed. 
1970 Construction workers broke up an anti-war protest on New York 
 City's Wall Street. 
1973 Militant American Indians who had held the South Dakota hamlet of 
 Wounded Knee for 10 weeks surrendered. 
1984 The Soviet Union announced that they would not participate 
 in the 1984 Summer Olympics Games in Los Angeles. 
1985 "New Coke" was released to the public on the 99th anniversary 
 of Coca-Cola. It was a dud.
1986 Reporters were told that 84,000 people had been evacuated from 
 areas near the Chernobyl nuclear plant in Soviet Ukraine. 
1998 A pipe burst leaving a million residents without water in 
 Malaysia's capital area. This added to four days of shortages 
 that 2 million already faced. 
1999 The first female cadet graduated from The Citadel military college. 
2015  smiled.


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No Question 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, May 7

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Florida Man Chokes Physician's 
Assistant With Stethoscope
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1429 The English siege of Orleans was broken by Joan of Arc. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation. --- Kin Hubbard (1868 - 1930) ______________________________________________________ Two nuns were driving down a country road when they ran out of gas. They walked to a farmhouse and a farmer gave them some gasoline; but the only container he had was an old bedpan. The nuns were happy to take whatever they were offered and returned to their car. As they were pouring the gasoline from the bedpan into the tank of their car, a minister drove by. He stopped, rolled down his window and said, "Excuse me, sisters. I'm not of your religion, but I couldn't help admiring your faith....!" ______________________________________________________ A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one." The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Croatia
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by John Connelly, 52, Englewood, Florida
Florida Man Chokes Physician's Assistant With Stethoscope A man in Englewood, Florida, is facing assault charges after allegedly choking a physician's assistant with a stethoscope. Officials said John Connelly, 52, entered the Sarasota Family Medical Walk-In Clinic yesterday in hopes of upgrading a prescription for pain medication, according to TBO.com. A doctor reportedly wasn't available and the on-duty physician's assistant couldn't alter the prescription. At that point, the suspect allegedly started yelling profanities and was asked to leave, MySuncoast.com reports. Connelly did leave, but came back a short time later to find the physician's assistant. Then he allegedly grabbed the assistant's stethoscope and used it to choke the man, ABC Action News reports. A witness managed to pull Connelly off the P.A., who suffered bruising and marks on his neck, Sarasota Patch reports. Connelly was arrested and charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. He is currently being held without bond, according to MyFoxTampaBay.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Re: No question Dear Webby, No Question Dear No answer Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Late one afternoon, the Air Force guys out at Area 51 are surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impound the aircraft and haul the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story is that he took off out of Las Vegas, got lost and found the base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force starts a full security check on the guy and hold him overnight. The next day they are finally convinced that the guy really was lost and is not a spy. They gas up his airplane, give him a terrifying "you did not see a base" briefing complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison. They say Vegas is that-a-way on this heading and send him off. The next day, here comes the Cessna again. Once again the MPs surround the plane, only this time there are two people in the plane. The same pilot jumps out and says: "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and SHE DEMANDS to know where I was last night." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vinegar to Clean Shower Head Get a baggy and fill with vinegar. Tie it around the shower head, leave on overnight. Wipe grime off in morning. It works well. By coville123 [324] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and that no way, no how, does he belong in heaven. Fidel must go to hell. So Fidel goes to hell where Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself at home. Then Fidel notices that he left his luggage in heaven and tells Satan, who says, "No hay problema, I'll send a couple of little devils to get your stuff." When the little devils get to heaven they find the gates are locked - St.Peter is having lunch - and they start debating what to do. Finally, one comes up with the idea that they should go over the wall and get the luggage. As they are climbing the wall, two little angels see them, and one angel says to the other, "My goodness! Fidel has been in hell no more than ten minutes and we're already getting refugees!" _____________________________________________________ It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA; they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime. As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, Dr. Braun, the head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States. He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it. "Mr. President," said Dr. Braun, grinning broadly, "after twelve years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars." He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown. He said, "But that's impossible . . . we could never do it. . . yes Mr. President," and hung up the phone. He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously. "I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now that we've found intelligent life on Mars . . . he wants us to try to find some in Congress." ____________________________________________________
I love old photos but did not know there were color photos of this quality in the early 1900's. I love to see the style of clothes of over 100 years ago from any where in this big old world.

Today in 
0558 The dome of the church of St. Sophia in Constantinople 
 collapsed. It was immediately rebuilt as ordered by Justinian. 
1274 The Second Council of Lyons opened in France to regulate 
 the election of the pope. 
1429 The English siege of Orleans was broken by Joan of Arc. 
1525 The German peasants' revolt was crushed by the ruling 
 class and church. 
1663 The first Theatre Royal was opened in London. 
1763 Indian chief Pontiac began all out war on the British 
 in New York. 
1800 The U.S. Congress divided the Northwest Territory into 
 two parts. The western part became the Indiana Territory and 
 the eastern section remained the Northwest Territory. 
1898 The first Intercollegiate Trapshooting Association meet 
 was held in New Haven, CT. 
1912 The first airplane equipped with a machine gun flew over 
 College Park, MD. 
1915 The Lusitania, a civilian ship carrying poison gas,
 was sunk by a German  submarine. 1,201 people were killed. 
1926 A U.S. report showed that one-third of the nation's 
 exports were motors. 
1937 The German Condor Legion arrived in Spain to assist 
 Franco’s forces. 
1939 Germany and Italy announced a military and political 
 alliance known as the Rome-Berlin Axis. 
1940 Winston Churchill became British Prime Minister. 
1942 In the Battle of the Coral Sea, Japanese and American 
 navies attacked each other with carrier planes. It was the 
 first time in the history of naval warfare where two enemy 
 fleets fought without seeing each other. 
1943 The last major German strongholds in North Africa, 
 Tunis and Bizerte, fell to Allied forces. 
1945 Baseball owner Branch Rickey announced the organization 
 of the United States Negro Baseball League. There were 6 teams. 
1945 Germany signed unconditional surrender ending World War II. 
 It would take effect the next day. 
1946 Tokyo Telecommunications Engineering Corp. was founded. 
 The company was later renamed Sony. 
1951 Russia was admitted to participate in the 1952 Olympic 
 Games by the International Olympic Committee. 
1954 French Colonial Forces surrendered to the Vietminh at 
 Dien Bien Phu after 55 days of fighting. 
1954 The United States and the United Kingdom rejected the 
 Soviet Union's bid to join NATO. 
1958 Howard Johnson set an aircraft altitude record in F-104. 
1960 Leonid Brezhnev became president of the Soviet Union. 
1975 U.S. President Ford declared an end to the Vietnam War. 
1977 Rookie Janet Guthrie set the fastest time on opening day 
 of practice for the Indianapolis 500. Her time was 185.607. 
1984 A $180 million out-of-court settlement was announced in 
 the Agent Orange class-action suit brought by Vietnam veterans 
 who claimed they had suffered injury from exposure to the 
 defoliant while serving in the armed forces. 
1987 Shelly Long, as Diane Chambers, made her last appearance 
 as a regular on the TV show "Cheers." 
1992 A 203-year-old proposed constitutional amendment barring 
 the U.S. Congress from giving itself a midterm pay raise was 
 ratified as the 27th Amendment. 
1994 The Edvard Munch painting "The Scream" was recovered 
 after being stolen 3 months earlier from an Oslo Museum. 
 This version of "The Scream", one of four different versions, 
 was painted on paper. 
1996 The trial of Serbian police officer Dusan Tadic opened 
 in the Netherlands. He was later convicted on murder-torture 
 charges and was sentenced to 20 years in prison. 
1997 A report released by the U.S. government said that 
 Switzerland provided Nazi Germany with equipment and credit 
 during World War II. Germany exchanged for gold what had been 
 plundered or stolen. Switzerland did not comply with postwar 
 agreements to return the gold. 
1998 Daimler-Benz bought Chrysler Corp. for close to $40 
 billion. It was the largest industrial merger on record. 
1999 A jury ruled that "The Jenny Jones Show" and Warner Bros. 
 were liable in the shooting death of Scott Amedure. He was 
 killed by another guest on the show. The jury's award was $25 million. 
1999 In Belgrade, Yugoslavia, three Chinese citizens were killed 
 and 20 were wounded when a NATO plane mistakenly bombed the Chinese 
 embassy. 
2003 In Washington, DC, General Motors Corp. delivered six fuel cell 
 vehicles to Capitol Hill for lawmakers and others to test drive 
 during the next two years. 
2015  smiled.


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Sending from Open Office to Live Mail 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, May 6

Re yesterday's bird:
Looks like a Blue Jay to me!  ~  Janice

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Maryland woman under the influence crashed 
her school bus on Whiskey Bottom Road
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1527 German troops began sacking Rome, bringing about the 
 end of the Renaissance.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) ______________________________________________________ Two husbands, Bill and Doug, were discussing their married lives. Although happily married, they admitted that there were argument sometimes. Then Bill said, "I've made one great discovery. I now know how to always have the last word." "Wow!" said Doug, "How do you manage that?" "It's easy," replied Bill. "My last words are always 'Yes, Dear.'" ______________________________________________________ Over dinner one evening, a wife says to her husband, "I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me. He used really bad language. He even threatened me!" "How did you meet this fellow?" her husband asked, very concerned. "Well," she says, "we met by accident. I hit his wheelchair with the car." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Stacy Jean McKinney 33 Laurel, Md.
Woman Under The Influence Crashed Her School Bus On Whiskey Bottom Road Howard County police say a school bus driver is accused of driving while impaired after running off the road Tuesday afternoon with 44 students aboard. The bus was traveling down Whiskey Bottom Road at Northgate when police say it left the roadway and hit a mailbox and a water runoff drain. No one was seriously hurt. The bus was carrying 44 students from Forest Ridge Elementary School when the accident happened. Police were called to the scene and the driver, 33-year-old Stacy Jean McKinney of Laurel, Md. was arrested. She faces multiple charges including driving while impaired, drug possession, and negligent driving.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Walter Re: Open Office to Live Mail Dear Webby, I have another Open Office question for my preeminent guru. How do I establish an association in Live Mail to send an Open Office file as an email? Be well, live long, and prosper, Walter Dear Walter You have to set Live Mail as the default mail program instead of what you normally use. Save your file, then ALT F DD (or mouse to File, Send) In there you have the options to Send as Email Email as Open Document Text Email as Microsoft Word doc Email as PDF If it is a form that requires precise formatting, send it as PDF. PDF is like a fax or a print job, and it will look precisely the same, no matter what kind of machine or operating system or program the recipient uses. If it's just a regular email and formatting is not important, then use the default: Send as Email. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A young mother finds out she is pregnant again, and she tells the good news to anyone who will listen. One day when the woman and the boy are out shopping, a friend of the mother asks the little boy if he was excited about the new baby. "Oh, yes!" the little tyke says. And having overheard some of his parents' private conversations, he adds, "And I know what we are going to name it, too. If it's a girl we're going to call it Mary, and if it's another boy we're going to call it Quits." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Cake Mix Bag For Decorating Use the cake mix bag as a frosting bag.When I make cupcakes from a cake mix, I always save the bag. I rinse the bag out, dry it, clip a corner and insert a decorating tip inside. It makes a perfect disposable frosting bag and these bags are super strong. By NoRulesArt ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hill in the Highlands. They had been silent for a while, when the lass said, "A penny for your thoughts." The lad was a bit abashed, but he finally said, "Well, I was thinkin' how nice it would be if ye'd give me a wee bit of a kiss." So she did so. But he again lapsed into a pensive mood which lasted long enough for the lass to ask him, "What are ye thinkin' now?" To which the lad grumbled, "Well, I was hopin' ye hadn't forgot the penny!" _____________________________________________________ What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner? A power failure. Sounds like there might be a population explosion in California next winter. ____________________________________________________
A beautiful floating flower garden that must smell heavenly.

Today in 
1527 German troops began sacking Rome, bringing about the 
 end of the Renaissance. 
1529 Babur defeated the Afghan Chiefs in the Battle of Ghagra, India. 
1682 King Louis XIV moved his court to Versailles, France. 
1851 The mechanical refrigerator was patented by Dr. John Gorrie. 
1851 Linus Yale patented the clock-type lock. 
1877 Chief Crazy Horse surrendered to U.S. troops in Nebraska. 
1882 The U.S. Congress passed the Chinese Exclusion Act. The act 
 barred Chinese immigrants from the U.S. for 10 years. 
1889 The Universal Exposition opened in Paris, France, marking the 
 dedication of the Eiffel Tower. Also at the exposition was the 
 first automobile in Paris, the Mercedes-Benz. 
1910 Kind Edward VII of England died. He was succeeded by his 
 second son, George V. 
1937 The German airship Hindenburg crashed and burned in 
 Lakehurst, NJ. Thirty-six people (of the 97 on board) were killed. 
1941 Joseph Stalin assumed the Soviet premiership. 
1942 During World War II, the Japanese seized control of the 
 Philippines. About 15,000 Americans and Filipinos on Corregidor 
 surrendered to the Japanese. 
1945 Axis Sally made her final propaganda broadcast to Allied 
 troops. 
1959 The Pablo Picasso painting of a Dutch girl was sold for 
 $154,000 in London. It was the highest price paid (at the time) 
 for a painting by a living artist. 
1960 Britain's Princess Margaret married Anthony Armstrong 
 Jones. They were divorced in 1978. 
1962 The first nuclear warhead was fired from the Polaris 
 submarine. 
1981 A jury of international architects and sculptors unanimously 
 selected Maya Ying Lin's entry for the design of the Vietnam 
 Veterans Memorial. 
1994 The Chunnel officially opened. The tunnel under the English 
 Channel links England and France. 
1994 Former Arkansas state worker Paula Jones filed suit against 
 U.S. President Clinton. The case alleged that he had sexually 
 harassed her in 1991. 
1997 Army Staff Sgt. Delmar G. Simpson was sentenced to 25 years 
 in prison for raping six trainees at Aberdeen Proving Ground 
 in Maryland. 
1997 Four health-care companies agreed to a settlement of $600 
 million to hemophiliacs who had contracted AIDS from tainted 
 blood between 1978-1985. 
1999 A parole board in New York voted to release Amy Fisher. 
 She had been in jail for 7 years for shooting her lover's 
 wife, Mary Jo Buttafuoco, in the face. 
2001 Chandra Levy's parents reported her missing to police 
 in Washington, DC. Levy's body was found on May 22, 2002 
 in Rock Creek Park. 
2002 "Spider-Man" became the first movie to make more than 
 $100 million in its first weekend.
2015  smiled.


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What kind of mouse for Copy/Paste? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, May 5

Thank You, Rose!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an 
College student caught on 
surveillance camera poisoning 
roommates' food
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1494 Christopher Columbus sighted Jamaica on his second trip.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster. --- Quentin Crisp ______________________________________________________ I accompanied my husband when he went to get a haircut. Reading a magazine, I found a hairstyle I liked for myself, and I asked the receptionist if I could take the magazine next door to make a copy of the photo. "Leave some ID, a driver's license or a credit card," she said. "But my husband is here getting a haircut," I explained. "Yes," she replied. "But I need something you'll come back for." ______________________________________________________ After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, a lady stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for her son. She brought her selection - a baseball bat to the cash register. "Cash or charge," the clerk asked. "Cash," she snapped. Then apologizing for her rudeness, she explained, " I've spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau. I am not too sane right now!!" "Shall I gift -wrap the bat?" the clerk asked sweetly, "Or are you going back?" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Argentinian finch
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Walter, The Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Hayley King, 22, Columbia, South Carolina
College student caught on surveillance camera poisoning roommates' food A University of South Carolina student faces charges after she was caught on camera spitting and putting window cleaner in her roommates' food. In the video, 22-year-old Hayley King can be seen taking out containers of food from the refrigerator shared with two other women in an off-campus house. King can then be seen allegedly spraying Windex on the food and pouring glass cleaner into the containers, according WIS-TV. One of the roommates said that she ate out of a container that had been diluted with spit and Windex, according to The State. King and her roommates were having multiple altercations leading up to the incident, according to the police report. King's other roommates had been trying to get her to move out because of the fight, but King had refused to leave. The other roommates said they installed the surveillance cameras out of concern over what King may have been doing at the house in their absence. A police investigator contacted King after viewing the video, where the student "confessed to the incident," according to the police report. "The aftermath...caused me to fall behind in my classes," one of King's roommates told WIS-TV. "I was forced to switch out of one of my courses because I was so distracted with everything going on. This not only affected me physically, having to deal with the repercussions of the incident, but also mentally from the anxiety that came along with it." King has been charged with unlawful, malicious tampering with human drug product or food -- a Class C Felony -- and could face up to 20 years in prison if convicted, according to WIS-TV. King was released a day after her arrest after posting a $5,000 bond.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Tammy Re: Copying with the mouse Dear Webby, You have mentioned occasionally that you copy and paste with your mouse. What kind of mouse will I need to be able to do that? Thanks Tammy Dear Tammy Any mouse with five or more buttons will do that. Cheapest one seems to be Gigabit at NewEgg. Highest quality is probably the one from Logitech. Naturally, that one is more expensive. So is the one from Microsoft. Unless the 7 button Gigabit is not working well for you, it is a very good mouse. Interesting is the ability to change resolution on the fly. That is handy for working on large graphics, and probably also for any flight simulator or space war games. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Anthony and Kathy married. Anthony thought this would be a modern marriage which meant equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, Anthony brought Kathy breakfast in bed. Kathy wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "A poached egg? I wanted scrambled!" Undaunted, the next morning, Anthony brought her a scrambled egg. Kathy wasn't having any of it. "Why can't I have some variety? I wanted poached this morning!" Determined to please Kathy, the next morning he brought her two eggs - one scrambled and one poached. "Here, my love... enjoy!" Kathy was furious, "You Bozo, you scrambled the wrong egg!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Extend the Shelf Life of Bananas When you get home from grocery shopping, separate all the bananas from the bunch and place in a bowl or basket. By doing this, it will slow down the ripening process. By mcw ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Tom was being evaluated for mental problems and was asked by the doctor, "If a train was coming down the hallway toward you, what would you do?" Tom replied, "I would get in my helicopter and fly away!" The doctor then asked, "Where did you get a helicopter from?" Tom replied, "The same place you got your silly train!" _____________________________________________________ Two men were talking one day. "My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the garden market," said the first man. "So were you able to find some?" the second man, asked. "Well when I got to the market, I asked the produce clerk, 'These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?' "The produce clerk said 'No, she'll have to do that herself.' " ____________________________________________________
How did ancient man build this elaborate 18 level underground city that could house 20,000 people?

Today in 
1494 Christopher Columbus sighted Jamaica on his second trip.
1798 U.S. Secretary of War William McHenry ordered that the 
 USS Constitution be made ready for sea. The frigate was 
 launched on October 21, 1797, but had never been put to sea. 
1809 Mary Kies was awarded the first patent to go to a woman. 
 It was for technique for weaving straw with silk and thread. 
1814 The British attacked the American forces at Ft. Ontario, 
 Oswego, NY. 
1834 The first mainland railway line opened in Belgium. 
1862 The Battle of Puebla took place. It is celebrated as 
 Cinco de Mayo Day. 
1865 The Thirteenth Amendment was ratified, abolishing slavery 
 in the U.S. 
1891 Music Hall was dedicated in New York City. It was later 
 renamed Carnegie Hall. 
1892 The U.S. Congress extended the Geary Chinese Exclusion Act 
 for 10 more years. The act required Chinese in the U.S. to be 
 registered or face deportation. 
1901 The first Catholic mass for night workers was held at the 
 Church of St. Andrew in New York City. 
1916 U.S. Marines invaded the Dominican Republic. 
1917 Eugene Jacques Bullard becomes the first African-American 
 aviator when he earned his flying certificate with the French 
 Air Service. 
1925 John T. Scopes, a biology teacher in Dayton, TN, was 
 arrested for teaching Darwin's theory of evolution. 
1926 Eisenstein's film "Battleship Potemkin" was shown in 
 Germany for the first time. 
1926 Sinclair Lewis refused a 1925 Pulitzer for "Arrowsmith." 
1936 Edward Ravenscroft received a patent for the screw-on 
 bottle cap with a pour lip. 
1945 The Netherlands and Denmark were liberated from Nazi 
 control. 
1945 A Japanese balloon bomb exploded on Gearhart Mountain 
 in Oregon. A pregnant woman and five children were killed. 
1955 The Federal Republic of Germany (West Germany) became 
 a sovereign state. 
1956 Jim Bailey became the first runner to break the four-minute 
 mile in the U.S. He was clocked at 3:58.5. 
1961 Alan Shepard became the first American in space when he 
 made a 15 minute suborbital flight. 
2015  smiled.


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Make a desktop icon for a site URL 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, May 4

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an 
Oregon Father-Son duo caught of stealing 
$72,000 in health and beauty aids
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1626 Dutch explorer Peter Minuit landed on Manhattan 
 Island. Native Americans later sold the island (20,000 acres) 
 for $24 in cloth and buttons.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age. --- George Burns (1896 - 1996) ______________________________________________________ Mary and Jane are old friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long time; Mary is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore. "As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Mary cries. "I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day." replies Jane. "Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!" ______________________________________________________ Jill was selling tickets at the movie house when she got a phone call. This woman said, "How much is a ticket?" Jill said, "Nine dollars." She said, "How much for children?" Jill said, "Same price, nine dollars per seat." She said, "The airlines charge half fare for children." Jill said, "OK, put the kids on a plane somewhere, and you come to the movie. You'll enjoy it a lot more that way." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Walter, The Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Robert Stephen Ellwood, 56, Robert William Ellwood, 28, Beaverton, Oregon
Father-Son duo caught of stealing $72,000 in health and beauty aids Rogaine, razors and pregnancy strips are just some of the more than $72,000 worth of health and beauty items an Oregon father and son are accused of stealing from stores in several states across the Northwest. Police in Beaverton on Friday announced the arrest of 56-year-old Robert Stephen Ellwood and his 28-year-old son, Robert William Ellwood, both of Hermiston. The father and son duo targeted a number of retail stores, including Safeway and Albertsons, during an eight-week shoplifting spree in Idaho, Montana, Oregon and Washington, according to police. "They had been stealing thousands of dollars of health and beauty aids," Beaverton police said in a Friday press release. The father and son were arrested after they allegedly sold the stolen merchandise to an undercover investigator. Authorities have charged both men with aggravated theft. They are being held at the Washington County Jail in lieu of a $2,000 bond.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bonnie Re: Desktop link Dear Webby, My ISP is not very reliable and half the time I don't get my Humor Letter in the email. How can I create a link to it on the desktop, so that that I can just click on that to get the online version? Thanks Bonnie Dear Bonnie Browse to the online version at http://webby.com/humor Look at the address bar, where you had typed the URL. To the left of your typing is a tiny littlle icon. Drag that to an empty spot on your desktop. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Ray and Randy were riding the New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Randy adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Ray, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a five, and gladly hands it to the beggar with a smile. The beggar thanks him profusely and continues on to the other passengers. Randy is outraged by his friend's act of generosity. "What on EARTH did you do that for???" shouts Randy. "You know damn well he's only going to use it on booze!!!" Ray replies, "And we weren't?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Straw for Removing Strawberry Tops I have seen this on Thriftyfun before and have just tried it. It works! Use a straw to remove the cap and stem from strawberries. Poke the straw through the bottom of the strawberry and out the top. The straw will push the cap up making it easy to remove. By Litter Gitter [117] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Henry was very old - in fact, he was about to celebrate his eighty-third birthday. He went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor gave him a thorough going-over, and then said, "For a man who's about to be eighty-three, you're in marvelous shape. But why a physical just a day before your birthday?" The old man explained that that very afternoon he was going to marry an eighteen-year-old girl. The doctor tried with a great deal of effort to dissuade him. "I'm goin' ahead with it no matter what," the old man said. "Got any other suggestions, Doc?" "Just one. If you want a really peaceful marriage, I suggest that you take in a boarder." The old man thought about it and said that it sounded like a good idea. The next time the doctor met the old man it was at a church fund-raising affair, half a year later. The old man came up to him and said, "Doctor, congratulate me! My wife's pregnant!" The doctor tried to maintain his poise, and said, "Well, so at least you followed my good advice and took in a boarder." "Oh, sure," said the old man, with a wicked grin, "and the boarder's pregnant too!" _____________________________________________________ As the passengers settled in on a West Coast commuter flight, a flight attendant announced, "We'd like you folks to help us welcome our new co-pilot. He'll be performing his first commercial landing for us today, so be sure to give him a big round of applause when we come to a stop." The plane made an extremely bumpy landing, bouncing hard a few times times before smoothing out. Still, the passengers applauded. Then the attendant's voice came over the intercom, "Thanks for flying with us. And don't forget to let our co-pilot know which of his three landings you liked best." ____________________________________________________
Wire mesh sculptures. It never ceases to amaze me the mediums artists find to work with.

Today in 
1471 In England, the Yorkists defeated the Landcastrians 
 at the battle of Tewkesbury in the War of the Roses. 
1493 Alexander VI divided non-Christian world between 
 Spain and Portugal. 
1626 Dutch explorer Peter Minuit landed on Manhattan 
 Island. Native Americans later sold the island (20,000 acres) 
 for $24 in cloth and buttons. 
1715 A French manufacturer debuted the first folding umbrella. 
1814 Napoleon Bonaparte disembarked at Portoferraio on the 
 island of Elba in the Mediterranean. 
1886 A bomb exploded on the fourth day of a workers' strike 
 in Chicago, IL. Eight people died in the violence during 
 violence that day. 
1886 Chichester Bell and Charles S. Tainter patented the 
 gramophone. It was the first practical phonograph. 
1916 Germany agreed to limit its submarine warfare after 
 a demand from U.S. President Wilson. 
1942 The Battle of the Coral Sea commenced as American and 
 Japanese carriers launched their attacks at each other. 
1942 The United States began food rationing. 
1970 The Ohio National Guardsmen opened fire on students 
 during an anti-Vietnam war protest at Kent State University. 
 Four students were killed and nine others were wounded. 
1979 Margaret Thatcher became Britain's first woman PM. 
1987 Live models were used for the first time in Playtex 
 bra ads. 
1994 Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin and PLO leader 
 Yasser Arafat signed a historic accord on Palestinian 
 autonomy that granted self-rule in the Gaza Strip and Jericho. 
2000 The citizens of London elected their mayor for the first time. 
2010 Pablo Picasso's "Nude, Green Leaves and Bust" sold for 
 $106.5 million.
2015  smiled.


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Dry cleaning the monitor 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, May 2

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida Couple Stuffed $300 
Worth Of Meat In Woman's Pants
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1670 The Hudson Bay Company was founded by England's 
 King Charles II. Hudson's Bay Company is still going
 strong. The Hudson's Bay Company (HBC), chartered 
 2 May 1670, is the oldest incorporated joint-stock 
 merchandising company in the English-speaking world. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing. --- Wernher von Braun (1912 - 1977) ______________________________________________________ >From Barb A friend of mine just came back from visiting a CVS in Baltimore. He said all that was left was suntan lotion and Fathers Day cards. ______________________________________________________ Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of prunes at the grocery store!" "I doubt that!" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store. A clerk answers and Tom says, "Can I please talk to the Vice President of prunes?" The clerk replies, "Sure, Canned or Dried?" ______________________________________________________ From Dad Click through for the big picture SmugglersNotchStateParkVermont-.jpg Smugglers Notch State Park, Vermont
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Walter, The Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Doris Rowe 48, Kenneth Edwards 54, Deland, Floriduh
Florida Couple Stuffed $300 Worth Of Meat In Woman's Pants A man and woman have been arrested in central Florida after police say they stole more than $300 worth of meat from a grocery store. Deputies told The Daytona Beach News-Journal 48-year-old Doris Rowe and 54-year-old Kenneth Edwards drove 26 miles to a Winn-Dixie store in DeLand where a store manager saw Rowe stuffing meat products and other items into her pants. Deputies say the manager stopped Rowe and she hit the manager in the neck, dropping pork ribs, two packs of detergent and three water filters. Rowe fled the store and got into Edwards' truck. Deputies apprehended them at a traffic stop. Both were charged with grand theft and robbery. Deputies found ribeye steaks, ground beef, bacon, pork ribs and a gallon of bleach in the car valued at $361.00.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rose Re: Dry cleaning monitor Dear Webby, I got a new monitor and with it came a cloth and instructions to clean it dry, without liquid. What's up with that? Rose Dear Rose They want to sell you another monitor soon. Normal window cleaner does not hurt the monitor. Just don't use any weird stuff like ammonia. Whatever works well on your glasses and camera, will also work well on your monitor. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A young woman, a military dependant, came into the dental clinic with a problem tooth. She had several children and appeared to be quite ready to give birth to another one at almost any moment. It was necessary to use X-rays to locate the source of her problem, so she was conducted to the dental unit with an X-ray machine, and her husband followed. The X-ray technician was lining up the cone of the machine preparatory to making the first exposure, when he noticed that the young woman's husband was standing beyond her, but in a position where he would receive some radiation after it passed through her teeth. Being well trained, the technician stopped and asked the fellow to move to a safer position. "Sir, please step over there. Too much of this radiation will make you sterile." A broad smile appeared on the young woman's face, he eyes grew wide with excitement, and she clapped her hands while saying, "Joe, come here, hold my hand!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making Hard Boiled Eggs First, put eggs in a pan and fill with enough cold water to cover eggs completely, then bring water to a rapid boil. As soon as the water reaches a rapid boil, remove pan from heat and cover pan tightly with a lid. The length of time it takes to hard boil an egg depends on the size and type of the egg. Let sit 12 minutes for regular-sized eggs, 17 minutes for large eggs and 20 minutes for jumbo eggs. Transfer eggs immediately to cold water (I add ice cubes to water) and let cool at least 10 minutes. This causes a layer of steam to develop between the shell and the egg white, which makes peeling the egg much easier. Store in the refrigerator. By mcw [78] Or save electricity with an egg boiler: 6 minutes @375 Watts for hard boiled, instead of 12 minutes @1500 Watt. Tip them into cold water when it beeps. Do the next half dozen while you peel the first batch. You can also set them for 3 minutes for fancy "breakfast eggs" with the yolk thick but still runny. You will need the fancy egg holders from the Dollar Store, but it's a nice treat now and then. Set the egg(s) into the egg holder, crack and peel the top, cut the top quarter off with a spoon, add a tiny pinch of salt and pepper into the liquid yolk, and spoon it out with a small spoon. Delicious! With a $15 egg boiler they will come out precisely the same every time. No more guess-work, plus you save a dollar on the electricity every time you use it. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ One evening a preschooler, Krystal, and her parents were sitting on the couch chatting. Krystal asked, " Daddy, are you the boss of the house?" Her father proudly replied, "Yes, I am the boss of the house." But Krystal quickly burst his bubble when she added, "Did Mommy tell you that you can play boss tonight, Daddy?" _____________________________________________________ Two mothers are talking about a friend who has just given birth to triplets. "You know, that only happens one in 12,000 times," says one. "Amazing," says the other. "How did she ever find time to do any housework?" ____________________________________________________
So apparently there’s a fox sanctuary in Japan.

Today in 
1670 The Hudson Bay Company was founded by England's 
 King Charles II. 
1776 France and Spain agreed to donate arms to American 
 rebels fighting the British. 
1797 A mutiny in the British navy spread from Spithead 
 to the rest of the fleet. 
1798 The black General Toussaint L’ouverture forced 
 British troops to agree to evacuate the port of 
 Santo Domingo. 
1808 The citizens of Madrid rose up against Napoleon. 
1813 Napoleon defeated a Russian and Prussian army 
 at Grossgorschen. 
1885 The Congo Free State was established by King 
 Leopold II of Belgium. 
1885 The magazine "Good Housekeeping" was first published. 
1887 Hannibal W. Goodwin applied for a patent on celluloid 
 photographic film. This is the film from which movies are shown. 
1902 "A Trip to the Moon," the first science fiction film 
 was released. It was created by magician George Melies. 
1926 In India, Hindu women gained the right to seek 
 elected office. 
1926 U.S. Marines landed in Nicaragua to put down a revolt 
 and to protect U.S. interests. They did not depart until 1933. 
1933 Hitler banned trade unions in Germany. 
1941 Hostilities broke out between British forces in Iraq 
 and that country’s pro-German faction. 
1945 Russians took Berlin after 12 days of fierce house-to-house 
 fighting. The Allies announced the surrender of Nazi troops 
 in Italy and parts of Austria. 
1946 Prisoners revolted at California's Alcatraz prison. 
1960 Caryl Chessman was executed. He was a convicted sex 
 offender and had become a best selling author while on 
 death row. 
1965 The "Early Bird" satellite was used to transmit 
 television pictures across the Atlantic. 
1970 Student anti-war protesters at Ohio's Kent State 
 University burn down the campus ROTC building. The National 
 Guard took control of the campus. 
1982 The British submarine HMS Conqueror sank Argentina's 
 only cruiser, the General Belgrano during the Falkland 
 Islands War. More than 350 people died. 
1994 Nelson Mandela claimed victory after South Africa's 
 first democratic elections. 
2015  smiled.


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Incandescent versus Spiral lightbulbs 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, May 1
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Georgia woman busted for 
"Kill White Cops" Facebook post
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1707 England, Wales and Scotland were united to form 
Great Britain. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. --- John Adams (1735 - 1826) That is the greatest fallacy, the wisdom of old men. They do not grow wise. They grow careful. --- Ernest Hemingway (1899 - 1961) ______________________________________________________ In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled and screamed, it was called witchcraft; today, it is called golf. ______________________________________________________ Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said, "Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds." "Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend. "Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first." ______________________________________________________ From Dad Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Walter, The Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Deshawn Isabelle, 15, Chicago, Illinois
Georgia woman busted for "Kill White Cops" Facebook post APRIL 29--As rioters rampaged across Baltimore Monday evening, a Georgia woman decided it was the perfect time to go on Facebook and announce that “All Black ppl should rise up and shoot at every white cop in the nation starting NOW,” police allege. After being alerted to the online threat--which appeared on the page of “Tiffany Milan”--investigators tracked the post back to Ebony Dickens, a 33-year-old mother from East Point, an Atlanta suburb. Dickens, pictured at right, was arrested yesterday for making terroristic threats. During a search of her apartment, police seized computers and a handgun, cops reported. “I condone black on white killing,” the Facebook post declared. “I’ve thought about shooting every white cop I see in the head until I’m either caught by the police or killed by them. Ha!!!! I think I can pull it off. Might kill at least fifteen tomorrow. I’m plotting now.” Apparently aware that the post would draw law enforcement scrutiny, Dickens allegedly wrote, “They reading this shit too right now. Freedom of speech tho.” She added that the post would be deleted, but only after “you can absolutely show me in the 1st amendment where it explicitly says you can’t say ‘kill all cops’...Other than that... NOPE!” The post concluded, “Death to all white cops nationwide.” A judge today set Dickens's bond at $10,000 and ordered her to cease using her social media accounts.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Eva Re: Spiral light bulbs Dear Webby, I know the dogooders are hysterical about everybody using the Chinese spiral lightbulbs, and the traditional ones are getting hard to find. I know their claims that the spiral lightbulbs last 25 years are plain lies. What's the real story? Eve Dear Eva Yes, the 25 year claim is a lie. They last just a bit less than standard 4 foot fluorescent tubes. Like fluorescent tubes, they use a bit less electricity than incandescent lights, however, they are rather useless for outdoor or cool areas. Forget about using them in a fridge or freezer or walk-in cooler or cold basement. Spiral lights are also useless on an outdoor motion detector light, unless you are living in the South. And yes, standard incandescent lights can be hard to find unless you go to Home Depot, Home Hardware or Ace Hardware. Walmart won't sell incandescent lightbulbs, because incandescent lightbulbs are made in the USA instead of China. Spiral lights are quite Ok in low light areas. For example for a desk lamp with a reflective hood a 7 Watt spiral bulb is enough, and a 13 spiral Watt bulb just a bit too much. To light your kitchen properly you would need half a dozen 27 Watt spiral bulbs, but to just light the coffee maker corner with a motion detector activated light, a 7 Watt spiral bulb is plenty. If the location is warm and the light requirements are low, then the spiral lamps are OK. Interesting to note is that the cost of incandescent bulbs has risen quite drastically. The cause of that is not because of manufacturing costs, but "in store costs", i.e. shoplifting. Also, the stores could not afford to pay staff for handling a 15 cent lightbulb, even though that is three times what Sylvania charges them. That is why a 15 cent lightbulb now costs $4.29 or more. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A young boy about five or six years was talking on the telephone. As his dad listened on, the youngster told his grandparents dejectedly, "Mom is in the hospital, so the twins and Roxie and Billy and Sally and Max-the-dog and me and Dad are home all alone." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Repair Punctures with Hot Glue So many times, a small hole or a puncture ruins a perfectly good cup, mug, bucket, vase, etc. Hot glue from a hot glue gun is the easiest and most perfect way to repair it. Just dab a drop of hot glue over the puncture or hole and wait for it to cool. Voila, it's waterproof! By josem [3] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ For his wife's birthday party, George ordered a cake with this inscription: "You are not getting older. You are just getting better." Asked how he wanted the message arranged, he said, "Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top and 'You are just getting better' at the bottom." It wasn't until the maid served the cake that he discovered, that the cake read: "YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP. YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM." _____________________________________________________ A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art and the best I could find." "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?" "Twelve thirty." ----------- I got one of those too! ____________________________________________________
Beautiful Drone Scenes

Today in 
0408 Theodosius II succeeded to the throne of Constantinople.
1308 King Albert was murdered by his nephew John, because 
 he refused his share of the Habsburg lands. 
1486 Christopher Columbus convinced Queen Isabella to fund 
 an expedition to the West Indies. 
1707 England, Wales and Scotland were united to form Great Britain. 
1805 The state of Virginia passed a law requiring all freed 
 slaves to leave the state, or risk either imprisonment or 
 deportation. 
1863 In Virginia, the Battle of Chancellorsville began. 
 General Robert E. Lee's forces began fighting with Union 
 troops under General Joseph Hooker. Confederate General 
 Stonewall Jackson was mortally wounded by his own soldiers 
 in this battle. (May 1-4) 
1867 Reconstruction in the South began with black voter registration. 
1877 U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes withdrew all Federal 
 troops from the South, ending Reconstruction. 
1884 The construction of the first American 10-story 
 building began in Chicago, IL. 
1889 Asa Candler published a full-page advertisement in The 
 Atlanta Journal, proclaiming his wholesale and retail drug 
 business as "sole proprietors of Coca-Cola ... Delicious. 
 Refreshing. Exhilarating. Invigorating." Mr. Candler did 
 not actually achieve sole ownership until 1891 at a cost 
 of $2,300. 
1898 The U.S. Navy under Dewey defeated the Spanish fleet 
 at Manila Bay in the Philippines. 
1905 In New York, radium was tested as a cure for cancer. 
1915 A German submarine sank the U.S. ship Gulflight. 
1927 Adolf Hitler held his first Nazi meeting in Berlin. 
1931 The Empire State Building in New York was dedicated 
 and opened. It was 102 stories tall and was the tallest 
 building in the world at the time. 
1934 The Philippine legislature accepted a U.S. proposal 
 for independence. 
1937 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed an act of 
 neutrality, keeping the United States out of World War II. 
1944 The Messerschmitt Me 262, the first combat jet, 
 made its first flight. 
1945 Martin Bormann, private secretary to Adolf Hitler, 
 escaped from the Fuehrerbunker as the Red Army 
 advanced on Berlin. 
1945 Admiral Karl Doenitz succeeded Hitler as leader of 
 the Third Reich. This was one day after Hitler suicided. 
1948 The People's Democratic Republic of Korea (North Korea) 
 was proclaimed. 
1958 James Van Allen reported that two radiation belts 
 encircled Earth. 
1960 Francis Gary Powers' U-2 spy plane was shot down over 
 the Soviet Union. Powers was taken prisoner. 
1961 Fidel Castro announced there would be no more 
 elections in Cuba. 
1967 Anastasio Somoza Debayle became president of Nicaragua. 
1968 In the second day of battle, U.S. Marines, with the 
 support of naval fire, continue their attack on a North 
 Vietnamese Division at Dai Do. 
1970 Students at Kent State University riot in downtown 
 Kent, OH, in protest of the American invasion of Cambodia. 
1981 The Japanese government announced that it would limit 
 passenger car exports to the United States over the next 
 three years. 
1986 The Tass News Agency reported the Chernobyl nuclear 
 power plant accident. 
1986 Bill Elliott set a stock car speed record with his 
 Ford Thunderbird in Talladega, AL. Elliott reached a 
 speed of 212.229 mph. 
1992 On the third day of the Los Angeles riots resulting 
 from the Rodney King beating trial, King appeared in 
 public to appeal for calm, he asked, "Can we all get along?" 
1998 Arrow Air was fined $5 million for using spare parts 
 that lacked federal approval in the U.S. 
1999 On Mount Everest, a group of U.S. mountain climbers 
 discovered the body of George Mallory. Mallory had died in 
 June of 1924 while trying to become the first person to 
 reach the summit of Everest. At the time of the discovery 
 it was unclear whether or not Mallory had actually 
 reached the summit. 
2001 Chandra Levy was last seen in Washington, DC. Her 
 remains were found in Rock Creek Park on May 22, 2002. 
 California Congressman Gary Condit was questioned in 
 the case due to his relationship with Levy. 
2011 U.S. President Barack Obama announced that U.S. 
 soldiers had killed Osama bin Laden in Pakistan.
2015  smiled.


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Version 10 or Version 7 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, April 30,

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Son turned in by mom after she recognized him on photos 
of his gruesome sex assault in a Chicago train.
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1803 The U.S. purchased the Louisiana Territory from France 
 for $15 million. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) There's a difference between a philosophy and a bumper sticker. --- Charles M. Schulz (1922 - 2000) ______________________________________________________ You just might be a redneck, If you find more cars than you expected, when you mow the grass. ______________________________________________________ Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. (I guess that's why Pat stores her spare batteries in her fridge) ______________________________________________________ From Dad Click through for the big picture This one opened up today
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Walter, The Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Deshawn Isabelle, 15, Chicago, Illinois
Mom Turns In Son After Recognizing Photos In Gruesome Chicago Sex Assault A 15-year-old who, police said, brutalized, sexually assaulted and robbed a woman on a Chicago train was turned into police by his mom, after she recognized surveillance photos released by authorities. Deshawn Isabelle is charged as an adult with robbery and sexual assault, according to Chicago ABC affiliate WLS-TV. In court Thursday, prosecutors said surveillance video from the CTA Blue Line train shows Isabelle grabbing the 41-year old woman from behind, sexually assaulting her and robbing her around 3 p.m. Monday on a CTA Blue Line train near the Oak Park stop. Isabelle allegedly kicked and punched the victim and pushed her head against the ground, according to NBC Chicago. The teen then allegedly stuck his hands inside the victim's pants and sexually assaulted her. After he stole $2,000 and an iPhone from the victim, prosecutors said, Isabelle left the train and the victim was able to alert authorities. The woman said the reason she had so much cash on her was because she was planning on wiring it to relatives. When questioned by police, Isabelle allegedly confessed to the crime and said he spent the $2,000 on Air Jordan jumpsuits and candy. Outside the courthouse, Isabelle's mom, whose name was not reported, declined comment when approached by a reporter at the Chicago Tribune. But she did confront Assistant State’s Attorney Joe DiBella, who spoke to reporters after Isabelle was ordered held on $1 million bond. Apparently she did not want him to talk to the media.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Walter Re: Windows 10 Dear Webby, Hi Dear Webby, I received an email for a free download of Windows 10 for my Windows 8.1 Should I accept or wait for #10 and its inevitable updates before using it? Be well, live long, and prosper, Walter Dear Walter Wait for 10.1 10.0 is still too experimental, and the reviews are not that good. Sooner or later you will have to succumb to it, because Microsoft figures it is suitable punishment for badmouthing them and cursing them every time Windows crashes, but you don't have to be early. 10.1 will have a lot of the problems of 10.0 fixed, and by then the magazines and guru sites will have fixes and work-arounds. Version 10 was rushed, just like version 8, because everybody bitched about version 7. 7, 8 and 10 were simply to create demand for more powerful machines from their Chinese computer factories, not because any users wanted that. Microsoft claims 8 and 10 are fixes for the botched 7, and that the "fixes" are free if you are a victim. Actually, though, they are just incentives to buy more powerful machines. That is why 8 and 10 are free. So, relax and wait for the fixes. A better deal is to buy a version 7 from NewEgg or Tiger. Do you remember when I urged readers to buy extra copeis of XP? Version 7 has been fixed and improved, and is quite comfortable now. Consider a version 7 rather than a version 10. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ It was testimony night in the church. A lady got up and said, "We are living in a wicked land where sin is on every hand. I have had a terrible fight with the old devil all week." Whereupon her husband, who was sitting glumly by her side said, "It's not all the devil's fault; she's not that easy to get along with either." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Cough Drops Well these work great, taste wonderful, and are completely natural, even good for you! One of the ingredients is coconut oil, which improves immunity by fighting viruses. Bonus! Try these, I think you will be pleasantly surprised. They taste so good I even use them as a quick treat sometimes. Nice little pick me up.:) Approximate Time: About 1 hour Yield: Around 40 Ingredients: 1 cup of honey, organic would be ideal 2 Tbsp coconut oil, this must be organic in order to retain it's health benefits. small pot candy thermometer whisk parchment paper empty jar, mayo jar works great Steps: Bring your honey and coconut oil to a boil in your pot. Homemade Cough Drops Reduce to a simmer and cook until your thermometer reads *300 F. This will take around 15 minutes or more. Be sure to whisk the entire time. Remember when you clip your thermometer to your pot that if your end is on the bottom of the pot, it will give you a false reading. You want the end in the mixture, but not touching the bottom. Pour your mixture on a greased cookie sheet. You will of course want to let it cool for a few minutes so you can handle it. Stirring it around with a spatula will speed the cooling time up. Important to remember, you only have a few minutes before this mixture sets up. It is important to work fast! Tearing off small pieces of the mixture, shape it into the desired size. A little football maybe? Or press it a little flat in the center? The key is to let them rest on parchment paper when cooling. I tried greased wax paper, everything! The "only" thing these will not adhere to like cement is parchment paper. It is available at your grocery store. When cool, wrap them like candy in a small square of this paper to store them in your air-tight jar. This part was actually really fun, they look so cute and old-fashioned wrapped up.:) Proper name would actually be "Cough Lozenges". Regular coconut oil works too. Blocks or brick versions, that you have to warm to liquify, are best. It's quite OK to add some lemon juice and even lemon zest. Some people add herbal essences. Experiment with the basic recipe to find what you like best. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Linda and Jill are having coffee when Linda notices that Jill seems troubled and asks her, "Is something bugging you? You look anxious." "Well, my boyfriend just lost all his money and life savings in the stock market," Jill explained. "Oh, that's too bad," Linda sympathized. "I'm sure you're feeling sorry for him." "Yeah, I am," Jill said. "He'll miss me." _____________________________________________________ One Sunday a priest announced he was passing out minature crosses made of palm leaves. "Put this cross in the room where your family argues most," he advised. "When you look at it, the cross will remind you that God is watching." When the parishoners were leaving church, a woman walked up to the priest, shook his hand and said, "I'll take five." ____________________________________________________
Beautiful Drone Scenes

Today in 
0030 Jesus of Nazareth was crucified. 
0313 Licinius unified the whole of the eastern empire.
1250 King Louis IX of France was ransomed for one million dollars. 
1803 The U.S. purchased the Louisiana Territory from France 
 for $15 million. 
1849 The republican patriot and guerrilla leader Giuseppe 
 Garabaldi repulsed a French attack on Rome. 
1864 Work began on the Dams along the Red River. The work would 
 allow Union General Nathaniel Banks' troops to sail over the 
 rapids above Alexandria, Louisiana. 
1900 Hawaii was organized as an official U.S. territory. 
1900 Casey Jones was killed while trying to save the runaway 
 train "Cannonball Express." 
1938 Happy Rabbit appeared in the cartoon "Porky's Hare Hunt." 
 This rabbit would later evolve into Bugs Bunny. 
1939 The first railroad car equipped with fluorescent lights 
 was put into service. The train car was known as the 
 "General Pershing Zephyr." 
1943 The British submarine HMS Seraph dropped 'the man who 
 never was,' a dead man the British planted with false 
 invasion plans, into the Mediterranean off the coast 
 of Spain. 
1945 Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun committed suicide. They had 
 been married for one day. One week later Germany surrendered 
 unconditionally. 
1947 The name of Boulder Dam, in Nevada, was changed back 
 to Hoover Dam. 
1964 The FCC ruled that all TV receivers should be equipped to 
 receive both VHF and UHF channels. 
1968 U.S. Marines attacked a division of North Vietnamese in 
 the village of Dai Do. 
1970 U.S. troops invaded Cambodia to disrupt North Vietnamese 
 Army base areas. The announcement by U.S. President Nixon 
 led to widespread protests. 
1972 The North Vietnamese launched an invasion of the South. 
1975 Communist North Vietnamese troops entered the 
 Independence Palace of South Vietnam in Saigon. 11 Marines 
 lifted off of the U.S. Embassy were the last soldiers to 
 evacuate. 
1980 Terrorists seized the Iranian Embassy in London. 
1984 U.S. President Reagan signed cultural and scientific 
 agreements with China. He also signed a tax accord that 
 would make it easier for American companies to operate 
 in China. 
1991 An estimated 125,000 people were killed in a cyclone 
 that hit Bangladesh. 
1998 NATO was expanded to include Poland, Hungary and the 
 Czech Republic. The three nations were formally admitted 
 the following April at NATO's 50th anniversary summit. 
1998 United and Delta airlines announced their alliance that 
 would give them control of 1/3 of all U.S. passenger seats. 
1998 In the U.S., Federal regulators fined a contractor 
 $2.25 million for improper handling of oxygen canisters on 
 ValuJet that crashed in the Florida Everglades in 1996. 
2002 Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf was overwhelmingly 
 approved for another five years as president. 
2015  smiled.


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She left him on the sofa when the phone rang, and was back in a few seconds. "Who was it?" he asked. "My husband," she replied. "I better get going," he said. "Where was he?" "Relax. He's downtown playing poker with you."
When the surgeon came to see Rita on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat hesitantly just how long it would be before she could resume her sex life. "Uh, I hadn't really thought about it" replied the stunned surgeon. "You're the first one ever to ask that after a nose job...."
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their clothes. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their clothes, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?", calls one of the nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two women look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door. "Wow," says the man, "nice boobs!! Where do you want these venetian blinds....?"
Back in the mid-1800's, Cyrus and Matilda were courting, and Cyrus took Matilda for a buggy ride one sunny Sunday afternoon. After a while, Cyrus began to feel some discomfort, and said, "Matilda, I'm afraid Nature is calling. Would you mind waiting in the buggy while I go into the woods?" She replied, "Of course not, Cyrus. I understand," and with that, he walked into the forest. Cyrus was gone for quite a long time, and after ten minutes or so, Matilda became very concerned. Worried, but respecting his privacy, she sat patiently in the buggy, looking off into the woods to see if he was on his way back. While she gazed into the trees, she saw swirls of dust and leaves and branches being disturbed, and this caused her to be somewhat alarmed, but still she sat, respecting Cyrus' privacy. After nearly half an hour, a pale and shaken Cyrus emerged from the woods and returned to the buggy. "My word, Cyrus," Matilda exclaimed. "Castor oil never did that to me!" "Probably not," Cyrus replied, "but then again, you never had your balls caught in a wolf trap, either."
In the middle of the harvesting, one of the farmhands had to obey the call of nature. He went to the edge of the field and started peeing. Most unfortunately, he was stung by a bee right on the "tip". The pain was unbearable, but he knew a piece of good advice. He went to the farmer's house and put his penis in buttermilk. At that moment the farmer's daughter came in. With her face red, she stood perfectly still looking at him. "Have you never seen one of these before?" the farmhand asked. To which the girl replied: "Yes, but this is the first time I've seen one being reloaded!" ====================================================== Thanks to Norm for this picture: ****Image Norm's a30**** Sorry, that picture is just for subscribers who are old enough to get a PayPal or Credit Card or checking account. That is why the full version has a token $1 per month cover charge. Tell me when you are old enough.
>Thanks to DD: ****Image a30**** Sorry, that picture is just for subscribers who are old enough to get a PayPal or Credit Card or checking account. That is why the full version has a token $1 per month cover charge. Tell me when you are old enough.

===========================================================
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Getting rid of unused programs 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, April 29,

Have FUN!
DearWebby

>From Dan
Hi All-
For the record, if you have a Paypal account, all 
legitimate correspondence from Paypal will greet 
you by name, just as our humour letter from 
Webby does!
Dan


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Floriduh Burglar Arrested Wearing 
'Warning: I Do Dumb Things' T-Shirt
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1945 In a bunker in Berlin, Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun 
 were married. Hitler designated Admiral Karl Doenitz 
 his successor.  
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Every person takes the limits of their own field of vision for the limits of the world. --- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860) ______________________________________________________ 1960: The average income of the modern teenager is about 2 a.m. ______________________________________________________ A pastor was giving a lesson to a group of children on the 23rd Psalm. He noticed that one of the little boys seemed disquieted by the phrase "Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life..." "What's wrong with that, Johnny?" the pastor asked. "Well," answered Johnny, "I understand about having goodness and mercy folowing me around. But I don't want Shirley following me around all the time. She's a gossip and a spoilsport!" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture 4 Rainbows!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Walter, The Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Durham, 40, Naples, Floriduh
Floriduh Burglar Arrested Wearing 'Warning: I Do Dumb Things' T-Shirt The 40-year-old Florida man was sporting a telling T-shirt when he was arrested Thursday in connection with a series of vehicle burglaries in Naples. It read: "Warning: I Do Dumb Things," according to the Florida Sun-Sentinel. Deputies said one surveillance video shows Durham breaking into a car after smashing the window, while another shows him walking around a parking lot and attempting to open car doors, according to the Naples Herald. Officers also said they saw the suspect attempting another car break-in earlier this month. Durham was collared on charges of grand theft, burglary, and criminal mischief. Authorities said Durham admitted to committing the crimes at the time of his arrest, NBC-2.com reports. Coincidentally, Durham isn't the first person to be arrested in the "Warning: I Do Dumb Things" T-shirt. In February, Luciano Gutierrez, 66, was wearing the same shirt when officials in Bell County, Texas, arrested him on his ninth drunk driving charge.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Richard Re: Shouldiremoveit Dear Webby, I am always getting emails on how to speed up my PC etc. My brother sent a link to http://www.shouldiremoveit.com/ to purge clutter and speed up my PC do these work? Richie Dear Richie That looks like a clone of good old Decrapifier, http://www.pcdecrapifier.com/ It might work the same and probably accomplish about the same as Decrapifier has for a decade. Be careful, though, about programs like that demanding payment before they actually work. Even Decrapifier, that used to be totally free, is now $5.00 Be EXTREMELY careful with "PC Speedup", especially when UnInstalling that. During the UNinstall it tries to load you with all kinds of totally undesirable programs and trojans, and get you to agree to them. Unless you pay very close attention and deny each of those, then you "agree" to be loaded with weird games and stuff, that you would never voluntarily install. It is best to totally avoid programs like that. Some of that stuff is impossible to get rid off, unless you get Malwarebytes. McAfee, Kasperski or Norton won't touch them, because you unwittingly agreed to them. By the way, Malwarebytes is still just under $25 for 3 machines. Re Optimizing: Even though I often test programs that subscribers are curious about or have problems with, personally I use PCmechanic It takes care of optimizing my machine quite nicely, without any fuss. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Bob and Katie were having a discussion about family finances. Finally Bob exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" Katie replied, "If it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here either." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com White Wine for Countertop Stains A scientist in Oregon has discovered that white wine not only disinfects countertops and kills salmonella, but it removes stains from countertops as well. So for you ladies who have a stain on the counter, pour a little wine on it and see if it helps. Source: Sciencedaily.com, a great site for newest discoveries, written for the average person. Amazing. By Pikka from Westminster, CO ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A traveling evangelist always put on a grand finale at his revival meetings, When he was to preach at a church, he would secretly hire a small boy to sit in the ceiling rafters with a dove in a cage. Toward the end of his sermon, the preacher would shout for the Holy Spirit to come down, and the boy in the rafters would dutifully release the dove. At one revival meeting, however, nothing happened when the preacher called for the Holy Spirit to desend. He again raised his arms and exclaimed: "Come down, Holy Spirit!" Still no sign of the dove. The preacher then heard the anxious voice of a small boy call down from the rafters: "Sir, a big black cat just ate the Holy Spirit. Shall I throw down the cat?" _____________________________________________________ A gentleman goes to an estate sale and notices that one of the items for sale is a large parrot. He's always wanted a talking bird, so when it comes up for bid he offers $50. The bidding proceeds hot and heavy with someone always bidding ten dollars more than he until the parrot is finally sold to him for $1,500. When he goes to get the bird, he asks the auctioneer, "Can the bird talk?" The auctioneer replied, "Who do you think was bidding against you?" ____________________________________________________
Be sure to read the paragraph below the video before watching the short video.

Today in 
1289 Qala'un, the Sultan of Egypt, captured Tripoli. 
1429 Joan of Arc led Orleans, France, to victory over Britain. 
1661 The Chinese Ming dynasty occupied Taiwan. 
1672 King Louis XIV of France invaded the Netherlands. 
1813 Rubber was patented by J.F. Hummel. 
1852 The first edition of Peter Roget's 
 Thesaurus was published. 
1858 Austrian troops invaded Piedmont. 
1862 New Orleans fell to Union forces during the Civil War. 
1879 In Cleveland, OH, electric arc lights were used 
 for the first time. 
1913 Gideon Sundback patented an all-purpose zipper. 
1918 Germany's Western Front offensive ended in World War I. 
1924 An open revolt broke out in Santa Clara, Cuba. 
1927 Construction of the Spirit of St. Louis was 
 completed for Lindbergh. 
1945 The German Army in Italy surrendered unconditionally 
 to the Allies. 
1945 In a bunker in Berlin, Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun 
 were married. Hitler designated Admiral Karl Doenitz 
 his successor. 
1945 The Nazi death camp, Dachau, was liberated. 
1946 Twenty-eight former Japanese leaders were indicted 
 in Tokyo as war criminals. 
1952 IBM President Thomas J. Watson, Jr., informed his 
 company's stockholders that IBM was building "the most 
 advanced, most flexible high-speed computer in the world." 
 The computer was unveiled April 7, 1953, as the IBM 701 
 Electronic Data Processing Machine. 
1975 The U.S. embassy in Vietnam was evacuated as 
 North Vietnamese forces fought their way into Saigon. 
1984 In California, the Diablo Canyon nuclear reactor went 
 online after a long delay due to protests. 
1990 The destruction of the Berlin Wall began. 
1992 Exxon executive Sidney Reso was kidnapped outside his 
 Morris Township, NJ, home by Arthur Seale. Seale was a 
 former Exxon security official. Reso died while in captivity. 
1992 Rioting began after a jury decision to acquit four 
 Los Angeles policemen in the Rodney King beating trial. 
 54 people were killed in 3 days. 
1994 Israel and the PLO signed an agreement in Paris which 
 granted Palestinians broad authority to set taxes, control 
 trade and regulate banks under self-rule in the Gaza Strip 
 and Jericho. 
1997 Staff Sgt. Delmar Simpson, a drill instructor at Aberdeen 
 Proving Ground in Maryland, was convicted of raping six female 
 trainees. He was sentenced to 25 years in prison and was 
 dishonorably discharged. 
1997 Astronaut Jerry Linenger and cosmonaut Vasily Tsibliyev went 
 on the first U.S.-Russian space walk. 
1998 The U.S., Canada and Mexico end tariffs on $1 billion 
 in NAFTA trade. 
1998 Brazil announced a plan to protect a large area of Amazon 
 forest. The area was about the size of Colorado. 
2009 NATO expelled two Russian diplomats from NATO headquarters 
 in Brussels over a spy scandal in Estonia.
2015  smiled.


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He can't view videos 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Mondayday, April 27,

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Woman steals cheese, beer, 
sprays perfume, leaves cellphone 
at scene of burglary
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 


More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. --- Plato (427 BC - 347 BC) ______________________________________________________ One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him. The scientist walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost." God listened very patiently and kindly to the man. After the scientist was done talking, God said, "Very well, how about this? Let's say we have a man-making contest." To which the scientist replied, "Okay, great!" But God added, "Now, we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam." The scientist said, "Sure, no problem" and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt. God looked at him and said, "Nah, you got to make your own dirt!" ______________________________________________________ The man approached a very beautiful woman in a very large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why?" she asks. "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Camaceyes, Aguadilla, PuertoRico
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Walter, The Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kelly Mayer, 37, Madison, Wisconsin
Woman steals cheese, beer, sprays perfume, leaves cellphone at scene of burglary A woman who stole cheese and beer from a Far East Side home in a burglary Tuesday afternoon also doused herself in perfume and left her cellphone inside the house she broke into, Madison police said Wednesday. Officers were called to Mallory Circle at 4 p.m. Tuesday after the homeowner, a 39-year-old man, returned from work to find 37-year-old Kelly L. Mayer in his house, according to police. The man had to push his way inside after Mayer tried to keep his front door closed, police said. She was wearing a backpack with the man’s laptop inside; the man took the bag back, then pushed Mayer outside, police spokesman Joel DeSpain said. “She responded by eating a chunk of cheese,” DeSpain said. “Cheese that had been in the victim’s refrigerator.” Mayer then left the scene, but witnesses pointed responding officers toward a nearby bike path and woods where they soon found her, police said. “They not only spotted her hiding, they could smell her,” DeSpain said. During the burglary, police said, Mayer went inside the bedroom of the homeowner’s daughter and sprayed herself with perfume. She sprayed enough of it that officers could match the woman’s scent with the smell that still hung in the house. In one of Mayer’s pockets, police found a can of Guinness that had been taken from the man’s house, DeSpain said, along with stolen electronics and money. “While officers were taking inventory, she asked about her cellphone,” DeSpain said. “They called her number, and back at the victim’s home a phone began to ring inside a living room cabinet.” Mayer was held on a tentative charge of burglary, police said. Though the Guinness can was unopened, DeSpain said, “It did appear she had been drinking.”
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ron Re: Video won't play Dear Webby, Hi Webby I think Java did an update and now I get a message " Error loading player" and I cannot play any news videos. I think I saw a brief message that my version of windows was out of date I am still using XP as long as I can. What do you think why no videos? Thanks Ron Dear Ron That type of Videos are usually using Adobe Shockwave or some other Adobe stuff. Update Adobe and you should be able to see those videos again. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A minister was asked to inform a man with a heart condition that he had just inherited a million dollars. Everyone was afraid the shock would give him a heart attack. So the minister went to the man's house and said, "Joe, what would you do if you inherited a million dollars?" Joe said, "Well, pastor, I think I would give half of it to the church." At which the pastor fell over dead. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use chocolate chips for an easy frosting. While your cake or brownies are still warm, put chocolate chips on let sit a few minutes to warm them. Once they begin to melt, spread with a table knife. By Cory [12] Even though semi-sweet chips have much more flavor, unless you can smear them very thinly, use milk chocolate chips for this. A thick layer of dark chocolate is difficult to cut and breaks into huge chucnks when you try. If you want to use semi-sweet, warm them with a heaped teaspoon of butter for one minute in the microwave, frantically stir the butter into them for 5 seconds, then quickly spread with a rubber spatula. Still keep it fairly thin, though. With fragrant semi-sweet you don't need as much chocolate anyway. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ There was a very wealthy 60 year-old man who had just married a beautiful 25-year-old young lady. One of his long time friends said to him, "How did you get that gorgeous woman to marry a 60 year-old guy like you?" The man leaned over and whispered to his friend, "It was easy. I simply told her that I was 90 and had heart problems, and she instantly fell in love with me." -------- As soon as I am wealthy enough, I am going to try that! _____________________________________________________ The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them. ____________________________________________________
Osprey. Awesome bird!

Today in 
1296 The Scots were defeated by Edward I at the Battle of Dunbar. 
1509 Pope Julius II excommunicated the Italian state of Venice. 
1521 Portuguese explorer Ferdinand Magellan was killed by natives 
 in the Philippines. 
1565 The first Spanish settlement in Philippines was established 
 in Cebu City. 
1805 A force led by U.S. Marines captured the city of Derna, on 
 the shores of Tripoli (Lybia). 
1813 Americans under Gen. Pike capture York (present day Toronto) 
 the seat of government in Ontario. 
1865 In the U.S. the Sultana exploded while carrying 2,300 Union 
 POWs. Between 1,400 2,000 were killed. 
1880 Francis Clarke and M.G. Foster patented the electrical hearing aid. 
1909 The sultan of Turkey, Abdul Hamid II, was overthrown. 
1938 Geraldine Apponyi married King Zog of Albania. She was the first 
 American woman to become a queen. 
1945 The Second Republic was founded in Austria. 
1946 The SS African Star was placed in service. It was the first 
 commercial ship to be equipped with radar. 
1950 South Africa passed the Group Areas Act, which formally 
 segregated races. 
1953 The U.S. offered $50,000 and political asylum to any Communist 
 pilot that delivered a MIG jet. 
1953 Five people were killed and 60 injured when Mt. Aso erupted 
 on the island of Kyushu. 
1960 The submarine Tullibee was launched from Groton, CT. It was 
 the first sub to be equipped with closed-circuit television. 
1961 The United Kingdom granted Sierra Leone independence. 
1965 "Pampers" were patented by R.C. Duncan. 
1975 Saigon was encircled by North Vietnamese troops. 
1978 Pro-Soviet Marxists seized control of Afghanistan. 
1982 The trial of John W. Hinckley Jr. began in Washington. 
 Hinckley was later acquitted by reason of insanity for the 
 shooting of U.S. President Reagan and three others. 
1984 In London, Libyan gunmen left the Libyan Embassy 11 
 days after killing a policewoman and wounding 10 others. 
1989 Student protestors took over Tiananmen Square in Beijing. 
1987 The U.S. Justice Department barred Austrian President 
 Kurt Waldheim from entering the U.S. They claimed that he had 
 aided in the deportation and execution of thousands of Jews 
 and others as a German Army officer during World War II, 
 even though he had been way too young to have any authority.
 The socialists/communists in Austria didn't like him, and the
 US media believed them over the facts. 
1992 The Federal Republic of Yugoslavia was proclaimed in Belgrade 
 by the Republic of Serbia and its ally Montenegro. 
1992 Russia and 12 other former Soviet republics won entry into 
 the International Monetary Fund and the World Bank. 
2005 The A380, the world's largest jetliner, completed its maiden 
 flight. The passenger capability was 840. 
2005 Russian President Vladimir Putin became the first Kremlin 
 leader to visit Israel. 
2006 In New York, NY, construction began on the 1,776-foot Freedom 
 Tower on the site of former World Trade Center. 
2015  smiled.


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Some banks DO like FireFox and Chrome 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, April  23,

Today I have to go to Calgary for eye injections. 
That means, no Friday, Saturday or Sunday issues 
will get sent out.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida man keeps cottonmouth snake
in pillow case on his bed, and gets bit on his lip.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1348 The first English order of knighthood was founded. 
 It was the Order of the Garter. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900) ______________________________________________________ Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her asthmatic classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Morris for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Morris answered, "A lawyer!" ______________________________________________________ A patient had broken his leg and it was going to have to be set. To get him ready for this painful event, he was heavily sedated. While in this "state", he spoke rather freely with the hospital staff and with his wife. She apparently learned several things about her husband. When it was time to reverse the medication, the wife said "Wait! not yet. I have some more questions I want to ask". ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Walter, The Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Austin Lane Hatfield, 18, Wimauma Florida
Florida Man Bitten By Cottonmouth Snake That He Was Keeping In Pillowcase On His Bed An 18-year-old Wimauma man who was bitten on the lip by a cottonmouth he was keeping in a pillowcase on his bed is recovering at Tampa General Hospital, officials said. The snake, also known as a water moccasin, escaped around 11:45 p.m. Saturday and slithered across the stomach of Austin Lane Hatfield, said Gary Morse, spokesman for the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. When Hatfield tried to recapture it, the snake bit him, Morse said. A bite from a cottonmouth can be deadly with its venom causing massive swelling. Hatfield was rushed to the emergency room. “His condition has improved today and he is expected to recover,” Morse said. Hatfield had captured the snake sometime last week and was illegally possessing it, Morse said. Because cottonmouths are venomous, a state permit is required to keep them. FWC is investigating and Hatfield could face charges, Morse said. The snake was captured and euthanized so a proper identification could be made, he said. A spokeswoman for The cottonmouth, a member of the viper family, gets its name from the cotton-white interior of its mouth. When threatened, the snake often coils and opens its mouth. They are the only venomous water snakes in Florida and are usually found in swamp-like habitats. Adult snakes are dark in color and can grow to between 2 and 4 feet. They have broad, triangular heads and a dark stripe that runs through their eyes. There is a deep pit between their eyes and nostrils. Those who come across the snakes should give them a wide berth, Morse said. “It really doesn’t want to eat you but it will protect itself,” Morse said. “Cottonmouths have a reputation of being somewhat skittish when you get near them and they will readily defend themselves.”
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Roland Re: Some Banks DO cope with FireFox Dear Webby, We use Fire Fox and check our two banks daily with no problems. Roland and Ruth Ann Dear Roland Yes, seems to work just fine with the better banks. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ "Doctor!" said the woman as she loudly bounced into the room, "I want you to tell me very frankly what's wrong with me." He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you." "First, you need to lose at least twenty pounds in your lower half. Second, you should use only about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick as you did this morning. And third, I'm an artist - the doctor's office is on the next floor." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Luffa Sponge for Soap Stand I cut a slice from my new luffa sponge to use under my soaps to keep them dry and firm in my soap dishes. I just used a sharp bread knife on a dry luffa sponge. Easy! By Donna [222] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Two redneck guys go on a fishing trip. They spend a fortune renting all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. The first day they go fishing,but don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day and the third . This goes on until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish. While driving home one guy turns to the other ... "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us nearly $1500?" The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!" _____________________________________________________ A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman. She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!" The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Heyyy!Stop! I'm on the wrong bus! I don't wanna go where SHE goes!" ____________________________________________________
Wow! All I can say is Wow! He must be a horse whisperer

Today in 
1348 The first English order of knighthood was founded. 
 It was the Order of the Garter. 
1500 Pedro Cabal claimed Brazil for Portugal. 
1521 The Comuneros were crushed by royalist troops in Spain. 
1759 The British seized Basse-Terre and Guadeloupe in the 
 Antilies from France. 
1826 Missolonghi fell to Egyptian forces. 
1861 Arkansas troops seized Fort Smith. 
1895 Russia, France, and Germany forced Japan to return the 
 Liaodong peninsula to China. 
1896 The Vitascope system for projecting movies onto a 
 screen was demonstrated in New York City. 
1900 The word "hillbilly" was first used in print in an 
 article in the "New York Journal." It was spelled "Hill-Billie". 
1945 The Soviet Army went into Berlin. 
1950 Chaing evacuated Hainan, leaving mainland China to 
 Mao and the communists. 
1951 The Associated Press began use of the new service of 
 teletype setting. 
1967 The Soyuz 1 was launched by Russia. 
1971 The Soyuz 10 was launched. 
1981 The Soviet Union conducted an underground nuclear test 
 at their Semipaltinsk (Kazakhstan) test site. 
1985 The Coca-Cola Company announced that it was changing its 
 99-year-old secret formula. New Coke was not successful, 
 which resulted in the resumption of selling the original version. 
1988 A U.S. federal law took effect that banned smoking on 
 flights that were under two hours. 
1988 In Martinez, CA, a drain valve was left open at the 
 Shell Marsh. More than 10,000 barrels of oil poured into 
 the marsh adjoining Peyton Slough. 
1988 Kanellos Kanelopoulos set three world records for 
 human-powered flight when he stayed in the air for 74 miles 
 and four hours in his pedal-powered "Daedalus". 
1996 An auction of the late Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis' 
 possessions began at Sotheby's in New York City. 
 The sale brought in $34.5 million. 
1997 An infertility doctor in California announced that a 
 63-year-old woman had given birth in late 1996. The child 
 was from a donor egg. The woman is the oldest known woman 
 to give birth. 
2004 U.S. President George W. Bush eased sanctions against 
 Libya in return for Moammar Gadhafi's agreement to give up 
 weapons of mass destruction. Gadhafi donated the chemical 
 weapons he had bought from the US to the US and invited US
 military to come in and destroy the rest of them.
2005 The first video was uploaded to YouTube.com. 
2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 1 billion applications 
 downloaded. 
2015  smiled.


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His bank can't cope with FireFox 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, April 22

Tomorrow,  Thursday, April  23, I have to go to Calgary
for eye injections. That means, no Friday, Saturday or 
Sunday issues will get sent out.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida woman arrested for battering 
live-in boyfriend with bowl of 
eggs following breakfast beef
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1500 Portuguese navigator Pedro Alvares Cabral discovered Brazil
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) ______________________________________________________ >From Barb UK Suicide Bombers Go On Strike Reported by an English newspaper. Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement. The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this April from 72 to 54. A spokesman said that increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife. The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth." Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands , Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands." They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures, or laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up. Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England , Ireland , Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway. According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many Muslim Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages. ______________________________________________________ MacTavish's little boy was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson. "If you had five pounds," said the teacher, "and I asked you for the loan of three pounds, how many would you have left?" "Five," said young MacTavish firmly. "Five?" the teacher said "How do you make it five?" "Well," replied young MacTavish "You can ask for a loan of three pounds, but that doesn't mean you will get it." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Whitehaven Beach in Australia
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Walter, The Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Destini Oliver, 22, Palmetto Florida
Woman Arrested For Battering Live-In Boyfriend With Bowl Of Eggs Following Breakfast Beef A dispute over the preparation of breakfast ended yesterday morning with a Florida woman under arrest for battering her live-in boyfriend with a bowl of raw eggs, police report. Destini Oliver, 22, and Lorenzo Dixon, 23, quarreled Sunday in their Palmetto home over Oliver not wanting to cook breakfast, according to a police report. The dispute turned physical when Oliver, seen above, allegedly “threw a bowl of raw eggs” at Dixon, striking him in the back. Cops on the scene reported spotting egg splatter on Dixon, as well as on a wall and a couch. Oliver, pictured above, was arrested for misdemeanor battery and booked into the county jail, where she remains locked up in lieu of $500 bond. Dixon, a salesman at a Ford dealership in Sarasota, was not injured in the egg attack.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Hank Re: Bank can't cope with FireFox Dear Webby, I have used Firefox as my browser for several years. In the last week, I received two notices of "Secure Connection Failed." One was my bank where I use Internet banking. I called the bank and the customer service rep. Told me that I could only use IE. She said Firefox did not come up to standard with their security. Do you know anything about this? I just don't like to use IE. Thanks so much for your help! Regards, hank Dear Hank FireFox is actually more secure, but their system checks for only one browser, the default browser that all the grannies and grampas use, if they don't know any better. There is no point arguing with the idjit. Just use Internet Explorer for that bank, and close it quickly afterward. It is a security hazard. I use Chrome with my bank, Royal Bank Of Canada, and it works fine, but FF works well too. Have not tried Internet Exploder there, and am not going to. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A lady on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park said to her guide, "Look at all those big rocks. Wherever did they come from?" "The glaciers brought them down," said the guide. "But where are the glaciers?" The lady asked. "The glaciers," said the guide in a weary voice, "have gone back for more rocks." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baked "Hardboiled" Eggs I'll never boil eggs again! I found a recipe online for baked eggs and it's just too simple to ever bother with watching a pot again. Place eggs in a muffin tin or directly on your oven rack. And bake at 325 degrees for 30 minutes. Remove and plunge into an ice water bath, then peel and serve. By aubergine [3] Do you have free electricity? Oven for 30 minutes is expensive! Just get an egg boiler, put half a dozen eggs in, add half a cup of water, and set the timer for 5 minutes. When it DINGs and shuts off, they are done. You can of course also set them for 3 Minute breakfast eggs, with the yolk thick but still runny. An egg boiler uses 1/10 the electricity that your baking uses! Egg cookers are sold by all the companies, that make coffee machines, and are usually $15 - $20. Check Amazon for egg boiler Some even have extra trays for poaching eggs. 5 minutes at 0.35 KW instead of 30 minutes at 1.5 KW Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Two friends, one an optimist and the other a pessimist, could never quite agree on any topic of discussion. One day the optimist decided he had found a good way to pull his friend out of his continual pessimistic thinking. The optimist owned a hunting dog that could walk on water. His plan? Take the pessimist and the dog out duck hunting in a boat. They got out into the middle of the lake, and the optimist brought down a duck. The dog immediately walked out across the water, retrieved the duck, and walked back to the boat. The optimist looked at his pessimistic friend and said, "What do you think about that?" The pessimist replied, "That dog can't swim, can he?" He had to swim back to shore. _____________________________________________________ A guy goes to a doctor and says: "Doctor, my wife has lost her voice a week ago...." "And you are afraid she'll find it again ?" ____________________________________________________
Ethereal Wire Fairy Sculptures, these are beautiful works of art.

Today in 
1500 Portuguese navigator Pedro Alvares Cabral discovered Brazil. 
1509 Henry VIII ascended to the throne of England
1529 Spain and Portugal divided the eastern hemisphere in the 
 Treaty of Saragosa. 
1792 U.S. President George Washington proclaimed American 
 neutrality in the war in Europe. 
1861 Robert E. Lee was named commander of Virginia forces. 
1864 The U.S. Congress passed legislation that allowed the 
 inscription "In God We Trust" to be included on one-cent 
 and two-cent coins. 
1889 At noon, the Oklahoma land rush officially started as 
 thousands of Americans raced for new, unclaimed land. 
1898 The first shot of the Spanish-American war occurred 
 when the USS Nashville captured a Spanish merchant ship. 
1915 At the Second Battle Ypres the Germans became the 
 first country to use poison gas. 
1918 British naval forces attempted to sink block-ships 
 in the German U-boat bases at the Battle of Zeeburgge. 
1930 The U.S., Britain and Japan signed the London Naval 
 Treaty, which regulated submarine warfare and limited 
 shipbuilding. 
1931 James G. Ray landed an autogyro on the lawn of the 
 White House. 
1944 During World War II, the Allies launched a major 
 attack against the Japanese in Hollandia, New Guinea. 
1952 An atomic test conducted in Nevada was the first 
 nuclear explosion shown on live network television. 
1954 The U.S. Senate Army-McCarthy televised hearings began. 
1993 The U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum was dedicated in 
 Washington, DC. 
1997 In Lima, Peru government commandos storm and capture 
 the residence of the Japanese ambassador ending a 126-day 
 hostage crisis. In the rescue 71 hostages were saved. 
 Those killed: one hostage (of a heart attack), two soldiers, 
 and all 14 rebels. 
2002 Filippino President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo ordered a 
 state of emergency in the city of General Santos in 
 response to a series of bombing attacks the day before. 
 The attacks were blamed on Muslim extremists. 
2010 The Boeing X-37 began its first orbital mission. It 
 successfully returned to Earth on December 3, 2010.
2015  smiled.


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Get rid of Salesplus pop-ups 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, April 21

On Thursday, April  23, I have to go to Calgary
for eye injections. That means, no Friday, Saturday or 
Sunday issues will get sent out.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Michael Dick in Oregon for being a dick.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
753 BC Today is the traditional date of the foundation of Rome. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) ______________________________________________________ Nancys nephew was 4 when she was pregnant with her first kid. She allowed him to place his hand on her belly and feel the baby kick.His little face scrunched and said, "How does the baby get out of there?" She wanted to keep it simple so she said, "The doctor will help." His eyes widened in amazement as he exclaimed, "You've got a DOCTOR in there, too?!" ______________________________________________________ Bill said the power went out recently. His wife, Kathy heard a plane flying low overhead. She noticed the plane's landing lights were on and said, "Must not be a widespread power outage -- the plane's lights are on." She was lucky she was not downtown. I heard that during the latest power failure in Los Angeles thousands of people were trapped for hours on store escalators. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Logan Pass Glacier National Park
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Walter, The Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Dick, 53, Gresham, Oregon
Oregon man Michael Dick busted for allegedly masturbating publicly near Tickle Creek An Oregon man called Michael Dick has been arrested for allegedly masturbating in the Tickle Creek area, reports KOIN 6. The ironically named 53-year-old was detained Wednesday. Cops had received reports of a naked, wig-wearing man pleasuring himself in the also aptly-monikered road. Officers claim that Dick matched the description of a repeat flasher. Witnesses said that the naked man would drive up to women in the street, which is near Gresham, before jumping out of his pick-up and pleasuring himself. Convicted sex offender Dick was charged with three counts of public indecency. And, due to his past criminal history, they have been classed as felonies.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Hermon Re: Salesplus pop-ups Dear Webby, I am getting popups from salesplus. Is it safe to download Malwarebytes and send payment over the net? Hermon Dear Hermon Yes, it is safe to get and pay for Malwarebytes over the net. http://webby.com/malwarebytes I use it myself too. Which browser are you using? Have FUN! DearWebby Dear Webby, Malwarebytes did the trick..........thanks for the tip.. Hermon in Kentucky _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The visiting church school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class who broke down the walls of Jericho. Little Johnny replies that he does not know, but it definitely is not him. The supervisor, taken aback by this lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident. The principal replies that he knows little Johnny as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them, if little Johnny said that he did not do it, he as principal is satisfied that it is the truth. Even more appalled the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story. After listening he replies: "I cannot see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotations and we'll choose a contractor to fix the silly wall." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Peeling Hard Boiled Eggs When peeling hardboiled eggs, roll eggs on center divider of sink under cold running water. Squeezing the egg with your hands. The shell will peel off easily and the membrane holds the shell almost whole. By Great Granny Vi from Moorpark, CA ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A 3-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother that there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "How did you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom." _____________________________________________________ There once was a conservative college in the east coast that had a standing rule, the heat was to be turned off in the dormitories when the school went on summer daylight savings time. Unfortunately, this year, winter decided to stick around a bit longer. Students in both the men's and women's dormitories complained about the bitter cold, but were told that nothing could be done. After days of no heat and no respite in immediate sight, the ladies realized that their dorm faced the equally cold men's dorm. They turned a bed sheet into a banner with the message, "TURN ON THE HEAT OR WE'LL TURN ON THE BOYS!" The thermostat was turned up rather hastily. ____________________________________________________
Creatures of the deep. Gigantic school of Rays, The most ever seen at one time.

Today in 
753 BC Today is the traditional date of the foundation of Rome. 
43 BC Marcus Antonius was defeated by Octavian near Modena, Italy. 
1526 Mongol Emperor Babur annihilated the Indian Army of 
 Ibrahim Lodi. 
1689 William III and Mary II were crowned joint king and queen 
 of England, Scotland and Ireland. 
1836 General Sam Houston defeated Santa Anna at the Battle of 
 San Jacinto. This battle decided the independence of Texas. 
1856 The Mississippi River was crossed by a rail train for the 
 first time (between Davenport, IA, and Rock Island, IL). 
1892 The first Buffalo was born in Golden Gate Park. 
1898 The Spanish-American War began. 
1914 U.S. Marines occupied Vera Cruz, Mexico. The troops 
 stayed for six months. 
1916 Bill Carlisle, the infamous ‘last train robber,’ 
 robbed a train in Hanna, WY. 
1918 German fighter ace Manfred von Richthofen, "The Red Baron," 
 was shot down and killed during World War I. 
1959 Alf Dean caught a 16-foot, 10-inch white shark that weighed 
 2,664 pounds. At the time it was the largest catch with a rod and reel. 
1960 Brasilia became the capital of Brazil. 
1961 The French army revolted in Algeria. 
1967 In Athens, Army colonels took over the government and 
 installed Constantine Kollias as premier. 
1972 Apollo 16 astronauts John Young and Charles Duke explored 
 the surface of the moon. 
1975 South Vietnam president, Nguyen Van Thieu, resigned, 
 condemning the United States. 
1984 In France, it was announced that doctors had found 
 virus believed to cause AIDS. 
1985 Manuel Ortega proposed a cease-fire for Nicaragua. 
1994 Jackie Parker became the first woman to qualify to fly 
 an F-16 combat plane. 
1998 Astronomers announced in Washington that they had 
 discovered possible signs of a new family of planets 
 orbiting a star 220 light-years away. 
2000 In Sinking Spring, PA, a man chased his estranged 
 girlfriend through town and then forced her car into the 
 path of an oncoming train. The woman and her 3 passengers 
 were killed. 
2000 North Carolina researchers announced that the heart of 
 a 66 million-year-old dinosaur was more like a mammal or 
 bird than that of a reptile. 
2002 In the city of General Santos, 14 people were killed 
 and 69 were injured in a bomb attack on a department store. 
 The attack was blamed on Muslim extremists. 
2015  smiled.


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Excel OR formula 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, April 20

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Man Accused Of Arson, 
Microwaving Neighbor's Wallet
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1775 American troops began the siege of British-held Boston.  
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest. --- Hermann Hesse (1877 - 1962) ______________________________________________________ A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The city-slicker attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. He did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check and cashed it in the store, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You are really a country hick, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!" The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning." ______________________________________________________ A rather boring joke I heard today reminded me of a fun incicent. Many years ago when I was taking a required course in the process of becoming an electrician, we also had to take some basics physics. Personally, I always loved physics, probably because deep down inside I am still a kid that is fascinated by anything that makes noise or moves. Most of the people in the class hated physics, and one guy in particular did a lot of complaining about it and asking why it was necessary. Finally the instructor had enough and he told him that physics was required to save his live. Naturally the guy fell for that straight line and asked how physics would save his live. "It saves lives", the instructor yelled at him, "because it keeps you from finishing the course, and because if you passed my class and then later burned down a house with your lack of knowledge, I'd have to go and shoot you." That guy quit the course right there ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Looking East at sunset and storm clouds from my deck at 7:15PM. We’ve had lots of rain lightning and thunder today and expecting more tonight. I thought the light was pretty looking East.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Mohammed Almarri, 21, Tampa, Florida Man Accused Of Arson, Microwaving Neighbor's Wallet A Florida man forced his neighbor onto a balcony and then microwaved his wallet during a bizarre dispute Sunday morning, police say. Mohammed Almarri, 21, allegedly broke into the neighbor's Tampa home and "threatened the owner of the apartment until he retreated to the balcony," TBO reports. Authorities say that Almarri took the homeowner's wallet and microwaved it, and then proceeded to stack several lighters near an electric heater. Firefighters responded to the luxury apartment building and smelled smoke, but found no active fire, according to the Tampa Bay Times. Almarri was arrested on charges including arson and false imprisonment. The damage to the apartment is estimated at approximately $1,000, according to WTSP. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ellen Re: OR formula in Excel Dear Webby, That was brilliant putting the text onto other sheets, where they can be edited independently of the formulas, without having to touch the formulas. While you are in Excel, I got a problem with OR formulas. Can't get them to work the way i want them to. Can you explain them in your usual way, so that I can understand them? Thanks Ellen Dear Ellen The OR formula is just a YES/NO formula. To make it useful you have to combine it with the IF formula. =IF(OR(condition1,condition2)Result1,Result2) The way that works is like this: IF either condition1 OR condition2 is true, then it shows whatever is Result1, else, if neither condition is true, then it shows Result2 Condition 1 could be a date comparison like (T3>TODAY()-5) Condition 2 could be for example an invoice minimum set in $Z$1 like (R3>$Z$1) So, if the date in cell T2 is larger than Today - 5 OR the Invoice amount in R3 is larger than the minimum set in Z1, then show the text from Result1 else if neither condition is true, then show the text from Result2 I apologize to those of you, who are not familiar with spreadsheets. To you this must look like gobbledigook, but I assure you, to people who do use spreadsheets, this makes perfect sense. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Californians are a strange people. They'll put every chemical known to man up their nostrils, and get so warped from snorting, that they tell you it's bad for you if you put sugar in your coffee! ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Gorilla Glue from Granite Soak the spot with Orange Glo. Take a sharp knife and gently scrape away the glue. Wipe off the dried glue and cover area again with the Orange Glo, let sit, and wipe clean. Easy! By jdarocy [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Frank Green of San Antonio Texas, when sentenced to seven years in jail, carried on about how seven was his unlucky number, pleading and begging the judge not to give him seven years. So the judge gave him eight years instead. _____________________________________________________ A truck driver who had been delivering radioactive waste for the local reactor begins to feel sick after a few years on the job. He decided to seek compensation for his ailment. Upon his arrival at the workers' compensation department, he is interviewed by an assessor. Assessor: I see you work with radio-active materials and wish to claim compensation. Trucker: Yeah, I feel really sick. Assessor: Alright then, Does your employer take measures to protect you from radiation poisoning? Trucker: Yeah, he gives me a lead suit to wear on the job. Assessor: And what about the cabin in which you drive? Trucker: Oh yeah. That's lead lined, all lead lined. Assessor: What about the waste itself? Where is that kept? Trucker: Oh, the stuff is held in a lead container, all lead. Assessor: Let me see if I get this straight. You wear a lead suit, sit in a lead-lined cabin and the radio-active waste is kept in a lead container. Trucker: Yeah, that's right. All lead. Assessor: Then I can't see how you could claim against him for radiation poisoning. Trucker: I'm not. I claiming for lead poisoning. ____________________________________________________
Creatures of the deep. Gigantic school of Rays, The most ever seen at one time.

Today in 
1139 The Second Lateran Council opened in Rome. 
1534 Jacques Cartier, a French explorer, set sail from 
 St. Malo to explore the North American coastline. 
1653 In England, Oliver Cromwell expelled the Long Parliament 
 for trying to pass the Perpetuation Bill that would have 
 kept Parliament in the hands of only a few members. 
1769 Ottawa Chief Pontiac was murdered by an Illinois 
 Indian in Cahokia. 
1775 American troops began the siege of British-held Boston. 
1792 France declared war on Austria, Prussia, and Sardinia. 
 It was the start of the French Revolutionary wars. 
1809 Napoleon defeated Austria at Battle of Abensberg, 
 Bavaria. 
1832 Hot Springs National Park was established by an act 
 of the U.S. Congress.
1841 In Philadelphia, PA, Edgar Allen Poe's first detective 
 story, "The Murders in the Rue Morgue," was published
1861 Robert E. Lee resigned from U.S. Army. 
1865 Safety matches were first advertised. 
1879 First mobile home (horse drawn) was used in a journey 
 from London to Cyprus. 
1902 Scientists Marie and Pierre Curie isolated the 
 radioactive element radium. 
1916 Sir Roger Casement landed in Ireland to incite rebellion 
 against the British. Casement, a British diplomat, was 
 captured within hours and was hanged for high treason 
 on August 3. 
1919 The Polish Army captured Vilno, Lithuania from the Soviets. 
1940 The First electron microscope was demonstrated by RCA. 
1942 Pierre Laval, the premier of Vichy France, in a radio 
 broadcast, establishes a policy of "true reconciliation 
 with Germany." 
1945 Soviet troops began their attack on Berlin. 
1945 During World War II, Allied forces took control of the 
 German cities of Nuremberg and Stuttgart. 
1951 General MacArthur addressed the joint session of Congress 
 after being relieved by U.S. President Truman. 
1953 Operation Little Switch began in Korea. It was the 
 exchange of sick and wounded prisoners of war. Thirty 
 Americans were freed. 
1953 The Boston marathon was won by Keizo Yamada with a record 
 time of 2:18:51. 
1961 FM stereo broadcasting was approved by the FCC. 
1962 The New Orleans Citizens' Council offered a free one-way 
 ride for blacks to move to northern states. 
1967 U.S. planes bombed Haiphong for first time during the 
 Vietnam War. 
1972 The manned lunar module from Apollo 16 landed on the moon. 
1981 A spokesman for the U.S. Navy announced that the U.S. was 
 accepting full responsibility for the sinking of the Nissho 
 Maru on April 9. 
1984 Britain announced that its administration of Hong Kong 
 would cease in 1997. 
1987 In Argentina, President Raul Alfonsin quelled a military revolt. 
1988 The U.S. Air Forces' Stealth (B-2) bomber was officially unveiled. 
1989 Scientist announced the successful testing of high-definition TV. 
1992 The worlds largest fair, Expo '92, opened in Seville, Spain. 
1998 Kenyan runner Moses Tanui, 32, won the Boston Marathon for the 
second time. He also registered the third fastest time with 2 hours 
7 minutes and 34 seconds. 
2015  smiled.


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Calling a value from another Excel sheet 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, April 19

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Great Cornholio runs form cops
after TV interview
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1943 The Warsaw Ghetto uprising against Nazi rule began. The 
 Jews were able to fight off the Germans for 28 days. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I have given two cousins to war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother. --- Artemus Ward (1834 - 1867) You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was. --- Irish Proverb ______________________________________________________ Woman cleaning fish at sink to angler husband: "Why can't you be like the rest of the men? They never catch anything." "I can't afford that much beer." ______________________________________________________ A woman went to the Governor of Alabama about getting an early release for her husband who was serving time in a state penitentiary. " What's is in for ?", asked the Governor. " For stealing a ham." " That doesn't sound too bad. Is he a good worker?" " No, I couldn't say that. He's very lazy." " Oh...well, he's good to you and the children, isn't he ?" " No, he is not. He's very mean to us, if you want to know the truth." " Why would you want a man like that out of prison?" " Well, Governor, we've been out of ham for quite a spell." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jerado Alfanzo Silva 23 Hayward, California Great Cornholio runs form cops after TV interview If you're going to flee a traffic stop and later claim your car was stolen, it's probably best not to look right into a news camera and say "how ya doing?" first. That's what allegedly happened in Hayward, California, last month when a man who was pulled over for a carpool lane violation fled from police -- after he spoke to KRON 4 reporter Stanley Roberts who was filming a "People Behaving Badly" segment. Police initially pursued the driver, but chose to let him go rather than endanger other motorists in a chase. After all, the driver's car, face and voice were all caught on camera by Roberts, who had dubbed him "The Great Cornholio" in his initial segment, based on the alter-ego of Beavis from "Beavis and Butt-head." About 15 minutes after the traffic stop, the driver called the authorities to report that his car had been stolen. Last week, however, the long arm of the law finally caught up with "The Great Cornholio." Jerado Alfanzo Silva was arrested and charged with filing a false stolen vehicle police report, reckless driving, driving on a suspended license and resisting, delaying or obstructing a peace officer from the performance of his or her duties, according to Roberts. The carpool ticket, on the other hand, would've been a non-moving violation. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Samantha Re: Xcel formula to show text Dear Webby, I need an excel formula that shows one text if a date is befor and a different one if the date is after a third date. The texts are fairly large and have line breaks in them, and need to be updated occasionally. Right now I got a confusing mess, that does not work. I know you dostuff like that with your invoicing, so you must know! Help! Please! Samantha Dear Samantha Put your texts way over to the side or onto a different sheet. If they are, for examplpe on sheet 5 in cells A1 and A2, then you can call them as Sheet5!$A$1 and Sheet5!$A$2 Not as clean and easy as in Quattro, but it works. Now for the formula: =IF(D2<$D$1,Sheet5!$A$1,Sheet5!$A$2) D1 is the permanent comparison date. The $ makes sure that as the formula rattles down the sheet, the comparison is always looked up at D1. So, if D2 is smaller than the comparison date, then the cell shows the text from Sheet5 A1, if not, then it shows the content of Sheet 5 cell A2 The formula works cleanly if you paste it down the whole column. In case you are going to copy the content of that cell into an email or print it, make the first word of that text different. That way you can narrow the column to show just barely the first word, and still know you got the right stuff to mail or print. Another benefit of this method is that you can edit the texts on sheet 5 and instantly change the text for the entire sheet 1. On Quattro from Corel Office you would use letters instead of "sheet". Sheet 2 would be B:, sheet 3 would be C: and so on. They started the stacks of sheets, and used letters, so Microsoft had to come up with something slightly different, and used the designations Sheet1!, Sheet2!, Sheet3!, etc. It's the same thing and works just as well. You CAN use Quattro to set up pages and then save them as Excel. Open Office Calc works the same way. You can save that in Excel format too. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Marcy called to make flight reservations: "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York." The travel agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, of course I am sure! What flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "Do you by any chance mean Buffalo ?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Exfoliate and Moisturize at the Same Time I have dry flaky winter skin around my eyebrows and the bridge of my nose. Quite by chance, I found a remedy that removes the flakes and moisturizes at the same time without leaving my face all shiny. While in the shower, I put a small amount of hair conditioner on my exfoliating glove and gently scrub the dry area, and the rest of my face while I'm at it. I leave it on until I'm ready to get out of the shower then rinse it off. I like it because my skin is clean of the dry flakes, it doesn't leave red marks from the scrubbing and my face skin is very soft. I don't need to use any extra moisturizer. It works for me and it might for you too. By Mina2184 [23] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A woman went to the Governor of Alabama about getting an early release for her husband who was serving time in a state penitentiary. "What's is in for ?", asked the Governor. "For stealing a ham." "That doesn't sound too bad. Is he a good worker?" "No, I couldn't say that. He's very lazy." "Oh...well, he's good to you and the children, isn't he ?" "No, he is not. He's very mean to us, if you want to know the truth." "Why would you want a man like that out of prison?" "Well, Governor, we've been out of ham for quite a spell." _____________________________________________________ After the last child moves out of the house, Mom and Dad announce that they're getting a divorce. The kids are totally distraught and pay for a session with the world's most famous marriage counselor as a last effort at keeping their parents together. The counselor works for hours, tries all of his methods, but the couple still won't even talk to each other. Finally he goes over to a closet, brings out a beautiful violin and begins to play. After a minute, the couple start talking. The therapist keeps soloing on the violin and the couple discover that they're not actually that far apart and decide to give their marriage another try. The kids are amazed and ask the doctor how he managed to do it. He replies, "Well, I've never yet seen a couple that wouldn't talk through a violin solo." ____________________________________________________
Sparkle tables

Today in 
1012 Aelfheah was murdered by Danes who had been ravaging 
 the south of England. Aelfhear became the 29th Archbishop 
 of Canterbury in 1005. 
1539 Emperor Charles V reached a truce with German 
 Protestants at Frankfurt, Germany. 
1587 English admiral Sir Francis Drake entered Cadiz harbor 
 and sank the Spanish fleet. 
1689 Residents of Boston ousted their governor, Edmond Andros. 
1713 Holy Roman Emperor Charles VI issued the Pragmatic Sanction, 
 which gave women the rights of succession to Hapsburg possessions. 
1764 The English Parliament banned the American colonies from 
 printing paper money. 
1770 Captain James Cook discovered New South Wales, Australia. 
 Cook originally named the land Point Hicks. 
1775 The American Revolution began as fighting broke out at 
 Lexington, MA. 
1782 The Netherlands recognized the new United States. 
1794 Tadeusz Kosciuszko forced the Russians out of Warsaw. 
1802 The Spanish reopened the New Orleans port to American 
 merchants. 
1861 Thaddeus S. C. Lowe sailed 900 miles in nine hours in 
 a hot air balloon from Cincinnati, OH, to Unionville, SC. 
1861 The Baltimore riots resulted in four Union soldiers and 
 nine civilians killed. 
1861 U.S. President Lincoln ordered a blockade of 
 Confederate ports. 
1892 The Duryea gasoline buggy was introduced in the U.S. 
 by Charles and Frank Duryea. 
1897 The first annual Boston Marathon was held. It was the 
 first of its type in the U.S. 
1927 In China, Hankow communists declared war on 
 Chaing Kai-shek. 
1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt issued a proclamation 
 that removed the U.S. from the gold standard. 
1938 General Francisco Franco declared victory in the Spanish 
 Civil War. 
1943 The Warsaw Ghetto uprising against Nazi rule began. The 
 Jews were able to fight off the Germans for 28 days. 
1951 General Douglas MacArthur gave his "Old Soldiers" speech 
 before the U.S. Congress. In the address General MacArthur 
 said that "Old soldiers never die, they just fade away." 
1951 Shigeki Tanaka won the Boston Marathon. Tanaka had 
 survived the atomic blast at Hiroshima, Japan during WWII. 
1956 Actress Grace Kelly became Princess Grace of Monaco 
 when she married Prince Rainier III of Monaco. The civil 
 ceremony took place on April 18. 
1967 Surveyor 3 landed on the moon and began sending photos 
 back to the U.S. 
1971 Russia launched the Salyut into orbit around Earth. 
 It was the first space station. 
1975 India launched its first satellite with aid from the USSR. 
1981 In Davao, Philippines, thirteen people were killed when 
 members of the New People's Army threw hand grenades into 
 the Roman Catholic cathedral during Easter services. 
1982 The U.S. announced a ban on U.S. tourist and business 
 traval to Cuba. The U.S. charged the Cuban government with 
 subversion in Central America. 
1987 In Phoenix, AZ, skydiver Gregory Robertson went into a 
 200-mph free-fall to save an unconscious colleague 3,500 
 feet from the ground. 
1987 The last California condor known to be in the wild was 
 captured and placed in a breeding program at the San Diego 
 Wild Animal Park.
1989 A gun turret exploded aboard the USS Iowa. 47 sailors 
 were killed. 
1989 A giant asteroid passed within 500,000 miles of Earth. 
1993 The Branch-Davidian’s compound in Waco, TX, burned to 
 the ground. It was the end of a 51-day standoff between 
 the cult and U.S. federal agents. 86 people were killed 
 including 17 children. Nine of the Branch Davidians escaped 
 the fire. 
1994 A Los Angeles jury awarded $3.8 million to Rodney King 
 for violation of his civil rights. 
1995 The Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, OK, 
 was destroyed by a bomb. It was the worst bombing on U.S. 
 territory. 168 people were killed including 19 children, 
 and 500 were injured. Timothy McVeigh was found guilty of 
 the bombing on June 2, 1997. 
1998 Wang Dan, a leader of 1989 Tienanmen Square pro 
 democracy protests, was freed by the Chinese government. 
2000 In the Philippines, Air Philippines GAP 541 crashed 
 while preparing to land. 131 people were killed. 
2002 The USS Cole was relaunched. In Yemen, 17 sailors were 
 killed when the ship was attacked by terrorists on October 
 12, 2000. The attack was blamed on Osama bin Laden's 
 Al-Qaida network. 
2015  smiled.


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