Durability of a DVD 




Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, September 19

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Ohio woman Charged In Sex Attack On Cabbie

______________________________________________________
Today, September 19 in
1876 Melville R. Bissell patented the carpet sweeper. 
More of today in history at HIstory
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You cannot make a man by standing a sheep on its hind legs. But by standing a flock of sheep in that position you can make a crowd of men. --- Max Beerbohm (1872 - 1956) ______________________________________________________ A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. When a clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?" he answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish." Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an egg to throw at that Pelosi poster." ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two old men were arguing the merits of their doctors. The first one said, "I don't trust your fancy doctor. He treated old Jake Waxman for a kidney ailment for nearly a year, and then Jake died of a liver ailment." "So what makes you think your doctor is any better?" asked his friend. "Because when my doctor treats you for a kidney ailment, you can be sure you'll die of a kidney ailment." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Approaching the counter at a local post office, Text-End said to the stern-faced woman on the other side, "Are you the Postmistress?" "No!" she replied testily. "I'm the Postmaster. Uncle Sam doesn't pay me enough to be anyone's mistress." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
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_____________________________________________________ "So, Mullany, how's it going with the ladies?" "Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects." "Really?" "Yep," Mullany shook his head. "Whenever I mention sex, they object." ___________________________________________________ What is it with the Googly Eyes? Liars and users of a certain type of dope all pose with strenuously wide open Googly Eyes, imitating Pet Rocks. Is that a political statement or a left wing salute? An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brittany Carter, 23, Cory Jackson, 20, Findlay, Hanstock County, Ohio Ohio woman Charged In Sex Attack On Cabbie An Ohio woman has been charged with raping and robbing a male taxi driver while an accomplice held the victim at knifepoint, according to investigators. Brittany Carter, 23, was named this month in a two-count felony indictment charging her with aggravated robbery and rape in connection with the alleged attack earlier this year in Findlay, a city about 40 miles south of Toledo. According to cops, two black males and a white female called for a cab to pick them up at a TownePlace Suites hotel around 4:25 AM. During the subsequent trip, police allege, passenger Cory Jackson, 20, pulled out a knife and placed it against the 29-year-old driver's throat. While the victim was being held at knifepoint, Carter allegedly performed a sex act on the Trinity Express Cab Service driver. Before fleeing the vehicle, Carter and Jackson took $32 from the victim's pocket, police charge. The driver, cops say, was not injured during the incident. Carter's indictment accuses her of having purposely compelled the victim to engage in sexual conduct by force or threat of force. Jackson has been charged with aiding and abetting Carter's rape of the taxi driver. He has also been indicted for aggravated robbery. The third passenger will be charged once he is identified, police say. Pictured above, Carter is being held at the Hancock County jail in lieu of $60,000 bond. Carter was indicted twice last year on felony drug charges, according to court records that show both cases are pending. One indictment accuses Carter of possessing heroin, while the second indictment alleges that she allowed her vehicle to be used in the trafficking of heroin. Jackson, who remains at large, is also wanted on a murder warrant issued in a neighboring Ohio county.
From: Dianne Re: Durability of DVDs Dear Webby: I think it's time to remind your readers again that DVDs don't last forever. Some friends of mine lost irreplaceable pictures of a family reunion, because they entrusted them to a DVD. It was the last reunion for some of the people there, and they can't go back to re-take the pictures. It was heartbreak to find out that all those pictures are gone. Dianne Dear Dianne Yes, nobody ever claimed that DVDs or CDs would last forever. If they are handled carefully and stored in a cool, dark place, they last a long time, but if they are handled frequently or shipped, their life span goes down accordingly. The safest storage is a portable USB hard drive kept in a safety deposit box far away from the computer. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Below, are examples of sixth grade research projects. Enjoy... 9. Queen Elizabeth was the Virgin Queen. As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted hurrah. 10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper. 11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet is an example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet. 12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained. 13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, A horse divided against itself cannot stand. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead. 14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career. 15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large. 16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this. 17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx invented Communist income tax so that the harder you work, the more days per week you work for the Government.
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Five Jewish men who influenced the history of Western civilization. Moses said the law is everything. Jesus said love is everything. Marx said capital is everything. Freud said sex is everything. Einstein said everything is relative. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Trash Cans for Sorting Clothing To make laundry sorting easier and faster I have a blue 10 gallon trash can for blue jeans, a white one for whites, and a green one for everything else. It wasn't hard training my children to use them either (even the 17 year old!) By Angie Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
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The Boab prison trees of Australia.
___________________________________________________ A woman and her five year old daughter were in a checkout line at a grocery store, when the young one became upset about something. She announced, "As soon as we get home I'm going to run away." Well, of course the best thing for the mother to do was to let her child come to her own realization that it wouldn't work, so she asked her, "Why wait until you get home. Why don't you just run away from here?" The child was ready with an answer, "Because I don't know my way to grandma's house from here." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Once there was a man who prided himself on having all of the latest gadgets for his car. One day a young man pulled up alongside his car in an old, beat up VW and waved a sheet of fax paper, yelling, "Look what I've got!" Not to be outdone, the man had a fax installed in his car that very afternoon. The next time he saw the VW, it was parked and the windows seemed to be steamed up. The man rapped on a window and when the young man appeared, waved a sheet of fax paper at him and said, "I've got one too." The young man gave him a disdainful look and said, "You got me out of the shower just to tell me that?" ____________________________________________________

Today, September 19 in
1356 The Battle of Poitiers was fought between England and
France. Edward "the Black Prince" captured France's King John. 

1777 The Battle of Saratoga was won by American soldiers during
the Revolutionary War. 

1876 Melville R. Bissell patented the carpet sweeper. 

1891 "The Merchant of Venice" was performed for the first time at
Manchester. 

1893 In New Zealand, the Electoral Act 1893 was consented to
giving all women in New Zealand the right to vote. 

1955 Argentina President Juan Peron was ousted after a revolt by
the army and navy. 

1957 The U.S. conducted its first underground nuclear test. The
test took place in the Nevada desert. 

1959 Nikita Khruschev was not allowed to visit Disneyland due to
security reasons. Khrushchev reacted angrily. 

1960 Cuban leader Fidel Castro, in New York to visit the United
Nations, checked out of the Shelburne Hotel angrily after a
dispute with the management. 

1982 Scott Fahlman became the first person to use :-) in an
online message. 

1983 Lebanese army units defending Souk el-Gharb were supported
in their effort by two U.S. Navy ships off Beirut.

1984 China and Britain completed a draft agreement transferring
Hong Kong from British to Chinese rule by 1997. 

1986 U.S. health officials announced that AZT, though an
experimental drug, would be made available to AIDS patients. 

1988 Israel successfully launched the Horizon-I test satellite. 

1990 Iraq began confiscating foreign assets of countries that
were imposing sanctions against the Iraqi government. 

1992 The U.N. Security Council recommended suspending Yugoslavia
due to its role in the Bosnian civil war. 

1994 U.S. troops entered Haiti peacefully to enforce the return
of exiled President Jean-Bertrand Aristide. 

1995 The commander of American forces in Japan and the U.S.
ambassador apologized for the rape of a schoolgirl committed by
three U.S. servicemen. 

1996 The government of Guatemala and leftist rebels signed a
peace treaty to end their long war. 

2002 In Ivory Coast, around 750 rebel soldiers attempted to
overthrow the government. U.S. troops landed on September 25th to
help move foreigners, including Americans, to safer areas. 

2003 It was reported that AOL Time Warner was going to drop "AOL"
from its name and be known as Time Warner Inc. The company had
announced its merger and name change on January 10, 2000
In the end, after Time Warner had harvested the AOL address 
books, list of advertisers and a few techs, they kicked them 
out. Eventually Verizon bought AOL becasue of their expertise 
in tech support.
2018  smiled.


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Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, September 18

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

English rapist who took his child victim out to a 
nightclub and plied her with Jagerbombs until 
3am, has been jailed for 14 years.

______________________________________________________
Today, September 18 in
1759 The French formally surrendered Quebec to the British. 
They don't speak English just yet
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I get a lot of cracks about my hair, mostly from men who don't have any. --- Ann Richards ______________________________________________________ A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit.... Man: "Hi! Am I ever happy to see you." Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" Man: "It's been ten years!" With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man cigarette. Man: "Oh thank you so much!" Girl: "So tell me how long its been since you had a drink?" Man: "It's been ten years" The girl unzips a little longer zipper on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives the man a drink. Man: "Oh... thank you so much. You are like a miracle!" Girl: [Starting to unzip the front of her wet suit.] "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?" Man: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there too?!" ------------- Glad I am not playing golf! ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but we until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody." The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the doorbell, because the young couple hasn't paid their last bill: "Are you Mrs. Smith? You're a month overdue, you know!" "How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman. "Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the man from the electric company. "What are you saying? It's in your files?????" "Absolutely." "Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight." That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next morning. "What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts. "Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us." "PAY you? and if I refuse?" "Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut you off." "And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks. "I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ One of my first duties as an Air Force officer was to set up a field medical-training program at our hospital. I conducted a class in triage -- sorting out battlefield casualties according to the likelihood of survival. We had applied theatrical makeup to several airmen to simulate different wounds. Pointing to one of the "casualties," I said to the group, "This man has severe brain damage. What would you do with him?" Came this reply from the back of the class: "Make him an officer!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ The 104-year-old building that had served as the priory and primary student residence of the small Catholic university where I work was about to be demolished. As the wrecker's ball began to strike, I sensed the anxiety and sadness experienced by one of the older monks whose order had founded the college. "This must be difficult to watch, Father," I said. "The tradition associated with that building, the memories of all the students and monks who lived and worked there. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you." "It's worse than that," the monk replied. "I think I left my PalmPilot in there." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by John Phoenix, 30 Leigh, Greater Manchester Britain English rapist who took his child victim out to a nightclub and plied her with Jagerbombs until 3am has been jailed for 14 years. John Phoenix, 30, coaxed the girl, 12, into a ‘long, protracted’ lesbian kiss (Oral sex) with his girlfriend after taking her drinking. He then took her back to his apartment, where she passed out. She woke up 14 hours later, with no recollection of what had happened. Tests showed that Phoenix had raped her while she lay unconscious. The court heard the girl’s ordeal began on September 21 last year after she met Phoenix on Snapchat. After swapping messages over a two week period, she was invited out for an evening at Cafe Stella club in Leigh. Police rescued the victim from Phoenix’s flat in Leigh, Greater Manchester following a three day search after her mother reported her missing the first night Phoenix sent a cab to pick her up. During the hunt, officers had made a public appeal for information about the girl’s whereabouts and Phoenix spotted a picture of her on social media which confirmed she was 12. He said: ‘Is that you?’ and she said ‘Yes’ – but he then kept her in his flat whilst he went out with friends. In England doors can be locked from the outside to prevent anybody from exiting, even in an emergency. When arrested he claimed he thought the girl was 17. She has since tried to kill herself. In a statement, the girl’s mother said: ‘This is every parent’s worst nightmare and I feel like I have failed in my parental duties. I felt so angry when he said that he thought she was 17. I am so worried about her, I have even contemplated sleeping by the front door just in case she tries to leave again. ‘She is so precious to me and I don’t want to hear how she blames herself for what happened and how she wants to die. When I found out what the female did to my daughter as well, I felt sick. I found it hard to comprehend.’ The girl said: ‘What happened with John Phoenix will change me forever; I thought he was a friend.
From: Neil Re: Get Firefox Bookmark Icon back Dear Webby: In the latest version of firefox click on the three bar menu, select options, drag the bookmarks star over to the box on the right hand side of the screen and click done at the bottom of the page. This will add the bookmarks star back where it belongs. Neil Dear Neil Thanks! Have FUN DearWebby

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Below, are examples of sixth grade research projects. Enjoy! 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. the climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. 2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada. 3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven porcupines. 4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth. 5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline. 6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java. 7. Julius Caesar extinquished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out Tee hee, Brutus. 8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest's much-loved roses. "Not bad," said the priest. "But they suffer from a disease peculiar to this area known as the black death." "What on earth is that?" asked the passerby, anxious to increase his garden knowledge. "Nuns with scissors." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use a Tea Light in Pillar Candles If you like to decorate with large pillar candles, but don't like it when they get short, just let them burn down to the height you like, pour out the extra wax to form a hollow inside of the candle. Slip in a tea light and and your pillar candles will last a long time. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
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Professionals at work.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Barry for this story: Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Southern Michigan, was being interviewed by a French journalist and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, 'What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' or is it 'Are you the one who killed my brother?' Nugent replied, 'Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, 'What am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the French.' The interview ended at that point. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with a pet dog he doted on. The dog finally died and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, the dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?" Father Patrick replied, "No, we cannot have services for an animal in the church, but there's a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they'll do something for the animal." Muldoon said "I'll go right now. Do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?" Father Patrick asked, "Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?" ____________________________________________________

Today, September 18 in
1759 The French formally surrendered Quebec to the British. 
They don't speak English just yet

1769 It was reported, by the Boston Gazette, that the first
piano had been built in North America. The instrument was named
the spinet and was made by John Harris. 

1810 Chile declared its independence from Spain. 

1830 The "Tom Thumb", the first locomotive built in America,
raced a horse on a nine-mile course. The horse won when the
locomotive had some mechanical difficulties. 

1850 The Fugitive Slave Act was declared by the U.S. Congress.
The act allowed slave owners to claim slaves that had escaped
into other states. 

1851 The first issue of "The New York Times" was published. 

1891 Harriet Maxwell Converse became the first white woman to
ever be named chief of an Indian tribe. The tribe was the Six
Nations Tribe at Towanda Reservation in New York. 

1895 Daniel David Palmer gave the first chiropractic
adjustment. 

1927 Columbia Phonograph Broadcasting System made its debut
with its network broadcast over 16 radio stations. The name was
later changed to CBS. 

1940 "You Can't Go Home Again" by Thomas Wolfe was published by
Harper and Brothers. 

1946 Mound Metalcraft was founded in Mound, MN. On November 23,
1955, the company changed its name to Tonka Toys Incorporated. 

1947 The United States Air Force was established as a separate
military branch by the National Security Act. 

1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush said that he would send
warplanes to escort U.N. helicopters that were searching for
hidden Iraqi weapons if it became necessary. 

1994 Haiti's military leaders agreed to depart on October 15th.
This action averted a U.S.-led invasion to force them out of
power.

1997 Ted Turner, U.S. Media magnate, announced that over the
next ten years he would give $1 billion to the United Nations. 

1998 The FDA approved a once-a-day easier-to-swallow medication
for AIDS patients. 

2018  smiled.


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Firefox bookmarking icon missing 




Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, September 17

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Russia's Dominos Pizza regrets telling 
customers they’ll get 100 years of pizza 
if they tattoo themselves with the Dominos logo

______________________________________________________
Today, September 17 in
1394 In France, Charles VI published an ordinance 
that expelled all Jews from France. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery. --- Dr. Joyce Brothers (1928 - ) Children are natural mimics who act like their parents in spite of every effort to teach them good manners. --- Socratex ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Out in space two alien forms are speaking with each other. The first spaceman says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based weapons." The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?" The first spaceman says, "I don't think so...They have them aimed at themselves." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient. "I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today." the caller said. "Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked. "No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette." ----------- Don't feel bad. I have been a diabetic for about a dozen years, but I still have no clue what being light headed means. Smart-Ass I know, but light-headed???? ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Benjamin is in the midst of a long dry spell in Las Vegas. Eventually he gambles away all his money and has to borrow a quarter from another gambler just to use the men's room. He finds a stall that happens to be open and pockets the quarter. Believing that his luck has finally changed, he puts the quarter in a slot machine and hits the jackpot. He takes his winnings and goes to the blackjack table and turns his modest winnings into a million dollars. Wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, Benjamin goes on the lecture circuit, where he tells his incredible story. He tells his audiences that he will always be eternally grateful to his benefactor, and if he ever finds the man, he will share his fortune with him. After months of speaking, a man in the audience jumps up and says, "I'm that man. I was the one who gave you the quarter." "Yes, I ! remember you well, but you aren't the one I'm looking for. I mean the guy who left the stall door open!" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dominos Pizza Russia Russia's Dominos Pizza regrets telling customers they’ll get 100 years of pizza if they tattoo themselves with the Dominos logo Domino’s Pizza have done a U-turn on a promotion that promised free pizzas for life to anyone who got a tattoo of their logo. The Russian branch of the fast food company promised those that got the inkings 100 free pizzas for the next 100 years. But it would appear the brand were not expecting so many people to take part, as they quickly had to change their promotion to the ‘first 350 people’ within days of it going live. And with many Russians desperate for their chance to have 10,000 free pizzas, the quota filled up at a rapid speed. ‘Friends, we already have 350 participants!’ Domino’s Russia urgently wrote on Facebook on September 10. ‘We are not receiving any new tattoos! ‘If you are at a tattoo artist’s and getting tattoos, we will include you in the list of participants. But we are waiting for pictures before 12:00 today. ‘For those [getting tattoos] later, we recommend cancelling the appointment, because unfortunately we will not be able to include you.’ The ‘Domino’s forever’ campaign had originally been due for two months, from August 31 until October 31. But while the promotion has now been officially closed, it would appear that some Russians have not quite got the memo. The latest image shared on Instagram was just four hours ago and is yet to warrant a reply from the company. While another picture posted yesterday depicting the logo embedded in a heart-shaped pizza has also been met with silence.
From: Bill Re: Firefox Bookmark Icon is gone Dear Webby: Until recently, I had a bookmark icon, a blue star, next to the address on all the Firefox pages. This has disappeared. How can I get it back? Thanks. Bill Dear Bill I have not used FireFox for probably half a dozen years, so I dusted it off and tried it again. Firefox Support has this to say: Bookmarks Icons disappeared | Firefox Support Forum | Mozilla Support https://support.mozilla.org/questions/1114505 Mar 16, 2016 - *"Remove from Toolbar" will remove this item from the Navigation Toolbar and moves it to the Customize palette ("3-bar" Firefox menu button > Customize) *"Move to Menu" will move this item to the "3-bar" Firefox menu button drop-down list *"Move to Toolbar" in the "3-bar" Firefox menu button drop-down list will move ... Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
"Prison officials in New Jersey, this week, had to use tear gas to break up a prison riot. You know what they call tear gas in New Jersey? Air freshener." ---Jay Leno
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The young suitor was determined to win the heart of the woman he wanted to marry, in spite of her rejection of his proposal. He began what can only be called a "Campaign" and sent her a token of his affection every day for a month to her house. The plan was successful too -- the young lady fell in love with the UPS man. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cooking Different Cuts of Meat Tough cuts of meat are best cooked with moisture like stewing or using a slow cooker. The moisture will soften tough cuts of meat and make them more appetizing. Tender cuts of meat should be cooked with dry heat by pan frying, barbecuing or oven roasting. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
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21 Simple but genius ideas that need to be implemented in every country immediately.
___________________________________________________ On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the under- ground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them. "What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?" I joked. "It would go out," he replied very matter-of-factly. "Really?" I asked, surprised to hear that. "Is there a lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?" "No," my co-worker continued. "The force from the explosion would blow out the match." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Two fathers-to-be met in the maternity waiting room. "Can you believe this? The first day of our vacation, and she goes into labor!" The second one looks at the first and says, "What do you have to complain about? This is our honeymoon!" ____________________________________________________

Today, September 17 in
1394 In France, Charles VI published an ordinance that expelled
all Jews from France. 

1778 The United States signed its first treaty with a Native
American tribe, the Delaware Nation. 

1787 The Constitution of the United States of America was
signed by delegates at the Constitutional Convention. 

1862 The Battle of Antietam took place during the American
Civil War. More than 23,000 men were killed, wounded, or
missing. The Rebel advance was ended with heavy losses to both
armies. 

1872 Phillip W. Pratt patented a version of the sprinkler
system. 

1911 The first transcontinental airplane flight started. It
took C.P. Rogers 82 hours to fly from New York City to
Pasadena, CA. 

1930 Construction on Boulder Dam, later renamed Hoover Dam,
began in Black Canyon, near Las Vegas, NV. 

1932 Sir Malcolm Campbell set a speed record when he reached
276.27 mph over a half mile. 

1939 The Soviet Union invaded Poland. Germany had invaded
Poland on September 1. Germany's invasion caused Britain to
declare war against Germany and start WWII. Russia invading the
other half of Poland was considered traditional European border
re-arrangement and quite OK.

1944 Operation "Market Garden" was launched by Allied
paratroopers during World War II. The landing point was behind
German lines in the Netherlands. 

1953 The Ochsner Foundation Hospital in New Orleans, LA,
successfully separated Siamese twins. Carolyn Anne and
Catherine Anne Mouton were connected at the waist when born. 

1962 U.S. space officials announced the selection of Neil A.
Armstrong and eight others as new astronauts. 

1965 "Hogan's Heroes" debuted on CBS-TV. 

1966 "Mission Impossible" premiered on CBS-TV. 

1972 "M*A*S*H" premiered on CBS-TV. 

1976 NASA unveiled the space shuttle Enterprise in Palmdale,
CA. 

1983 Vanessa Williams, as Miss New York, became the first black
woman to be crowned Miss America. 

1984 9,706 immigrants became naturalized citizens when they
were sworn in by U.S. Vice-President George Bush in Miami, FL.
It was the largest group to become U.S. citizens. 

1984 Gordon P. Getty was named the richest person in the U.S.
His fortune was $4.1 billion. 

1992 Lawrence Walsh called a halt to his probe of the Iran-
Contra scandal. The investigation had lasted 5 1/2 years. 

1995 Hong Kong held its last legislative election before being
taken over by China in 1997. 

1997 Northern Ireland's main Protestant party joined in peace
talks. It was the first time that all of the major players had
come together. 

1998 The U.S. announced a plan that would compensate victims in
the Kenya and Tanzania U.S. Embassy bombings on August 7, 1998.


2018  smiled.


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Zoomable Fonts 




Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, September 16

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Man Disguised as Woman Caught Filming 
Victim in Gas Station Bathroom

______________________________________________________
Today, September 16 in
1400 Owain Glyndwr was proclaimed Prince of Wales after
 rebelling against English rule. He was the last Welsh-born
 Prince of Wales. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I know nothing about sex because I was always married. --- Zsa Zsa Gabor (1919 - ) - More quotations on: [Writing] Most of the change we think we see in life is due to truths being in and out of favor. --- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking. --- Alfred Korzybski ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "You're in incredible shape," the doctor said. "How old are you again?" "I am 78." The man said. "78?" asked the doctor. "How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old." "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down." the man explained. "What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor. "I've pretty much lived an outdoor life." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A marketing survey specialist is asking Dan, a southern college kid, some questions about different products he uses. MSS - Which shaving cream do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Which aftershave do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Which deodorant do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Which toothpaste do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Okay, tell me, what is this 'Baba'? Is it an international company? Dan - Heck no. He's my room-mate. ______________________________________________________ From Dad: This one bloomed today _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ >From Ella Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where tests were performed to determine the source of the pain. My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone. I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral home now?" With a scornful look, the nurse turned to me and snapped, "Honey, he's not THAT sick!" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shawn Thomas Hallett, 38, Levelland, Texas Man Disguised as Woman Caught Filming Victim in Gas Station Bathroom Police arrested a man wearing a dress and wig after a woman accused him of filming her in the women’s bathroom of a Greenville, South Carolina, gas station. Shawn Thomas Hallett, 38, was arrested and charged with voyeurism after authorities received a call from the QuikTrip (QT) gas station on Academy Street near downtown Greenville, Fox Carolina reported. The victim said she was startled when she heard a male voice coming from a stall in which she could only see a pair of women’s shoes. Instead of leaving the bathroom, the victim used a different stall. But the woman said the situation escalated when she saw a hand holding a cell phone appear under the stall wall. Police took testimony from several witnesses who said they saw a man dressed as a woman leaving the bathroom. Greenville police found the accused near the gas station, still wearing the wig and women’s clothing. Police also said they found a video of the victim on Hallett’s cell phone.
From: Jay Re: Zoomable fonts Dear Webby I know you have used zoomable fonts for ages, but my webmaster insists that is not necessary if a computer is set up right. Well, my computer is set up the way I like it, and I can hardly read the pages on my company site. How do you make your fonts so that they can be zoomed? What do you suggest. Jay Dear Jay Dear Jay Some people claim to be webmasters, others ARE, and don't care what title you use for them. Using a word Processor and saving a WORD document as a web page is not the same as creating it with HTML. The same goes for kids using FrontPage. Basic stuff looks OK with it, but it's not quite up to standard and will bite you sooner or later. I would recommend that you get somebody who will do your site the way YOU want it, instead of implying that your computer is not set up right. That page you sent me to is useless. When I see something that is too small to read comfortably, and that can't be zoomed to a decent size, I'm out of there and on my way to a competitor. I have a hunch most people browse that way. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. I asked one nurse what the pin signified. "Nothing," she said with a smile. "It's just to keep the doctors away."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
>From Frieda: When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: "Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'" One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she wash and iron?" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Quick Homemade Waffles I have an eight year old and we're always rushed in the mornings, so I make up a batch of waffles ahead of time and freeze them in individual serving sizes. Then you take them out of the freezer and put them in the toaster and they come out awesome! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Biltmore Estate's Secret Passages
___________________________________________________ During taxi, the crew of a US Airways departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate lady who had the ground controller's spot at that moment screamed, "US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right on 'Charlie' taxiway; you turned right on 'Delta.' Stop right there! I know it's difficult to tell the difference between C's & D's, but get it right!" Continuing her lashing to the embarrassed crew, "You've screwed everything up; it'll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don't move until I tell you to! Then, I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" The humbled crew responded, "Yes, Ma'am." The ground control frequency went terribly silent; no one wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at La Guardia was running high. Then an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked, "Wasn't I married to you once?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A man walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Vince." "Who?" "Vince Sabio. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Vince every single time." "There are always a few clouds over everybody." "Not Vince. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star." "He was something, huh?" "He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out." "No wonder you remember him." "Well, I never actually met Vince." "Then how do you know so much about him?" "I married his widow." ____________________________________________________

Today, September 16 in
1400 Owain Glyndwr was proclaimed Prince of Wales after
rebelling against English rule. He was the last Welsh-born
Prince of Wales. 

1620 The Mayflower departed from Plymouth, England. The ship
arrived at Provincetown, MA, on November 21st and then at
Plymouth, MA, on December 26th. There were 102 passengers
onboard. 

1630 The village of Shawmut changed its name to Boston. 

1782 The Great Seal of the United States was impressed on
document to negotiate a prisoner of war agreement with the
British. It was the first official use of the impression. 

1810 The Mexicans began a revolt against Spanish rule. Miguel
Hidalgo y Costilla, a Catholic priest of Spanish descent,
declared Mexico's independence from Spain in the small town of
Dolores. 

1893 The "Cherokee Strip" in Oklahoma was swarmed by hundreds
of thousands of settlers. 

1908 General Motors was founded by William Crapo "Billy"
Durant. The company was formed by merging the Buick and Olds
car companies. 

1940 U.S. President Roosevelt signed into law the Selective
Training and Service Act, which set up the first peacetime
military draft in U.S. history. 

1940 Samuel T. Rayburn of Texas was elected Speaker of the U.S.
House of Representatives. He served for 17 years. 

1953 "The Robe" premiered at the Roxy Theater in New York. It
was the first movie filmed in the wide screen CinemaScope
process. 

1974 U.S. President Ford announced a conditional amnesty
program for draft-evaders and deserters during the Vietnam War.


1976 The Episcopal Church formally approved women to be
ordained as priests and bishops. 

1982 In west Beirut, the massacre of hundreds of Palestinian
men, women and children began in refugee camps of the Lebanese
Christian militiamen. 

1985 The Communist Party in China announced changes in
leadership that were designed to bring younger officials into
power. 

1987 The Montreal Protocol was signed by 24 countries in an
effort to save the Earth's ozone layer by reducing emissions of
harmful chemicals by the year 2000. 

1990 An eight-minute videotape of an address by U.S. President
George H.W. Bush was shown on Iraqi television. The message
warned that action of Saddam Hussein could plunge them into a
war "against the world." 

1994 Exxon Corporation was ordered by federal jury to pay $5
billion in punitive damages to the people harmed by the 1989
Exxon Valdez spill. 

1994 Two astronauts from the space shuttle Discovery went on
the first untethered spacewalk in 10 years. 

1998 Universal paid $9 million for the rights to the Dr. Seuss
classics "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and "Oh, the Places
You'll Go." 

2018  smiled.


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Mac Forum 




Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, September 15

5 cm (2") snow. 
Where is the Gullible Warming when you need it?
Is the ice age really coming?

Not really, it's just cycles, like the Farmer's Almanac and all
the old folks predicted. The Gullible Warming cycle is
finished, now we have the Ice Age Scare cycle, like we did when
the  do-gooders got mad at our muscle cars in the 70's.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Man accidentally shot self while 
fleeing fficers in Delaware County


______________________________________________________
Today, September 15 in
1959 Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev arrived in the U.S. to
begin a 13-day visit. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One day a bachelor who was a poor tipper walked into his favorite restaurant and ordered lunch. A new waitress served his meal and received a three cent tip. When he came in the next day, she thanked him for his "generosity" and she said she could tell the character of a diner by the way he tipped. "Well, what could you tell about me?" he asked. "You put three pennies in a neat row," said the waitress, "and that shows you are a very tidy person. The first penny tells me you are a frugal, and the second tells me that you are a bachelor." "That's true," he agreed. "But what does the third penny tell you?" "The third penny tells me your Father was a bachelor, too." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ "We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home." --- Gene Perret ______________________________________________________ Randa, Switzerland _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ The father of a teenage daughter was concerned with the amount of time she spent on the telephone; not so much for the time she wasted (he had given up on that long ago), but because nobody else could use the phone. So, as a happy solution, he had a telephone installed for her with her own private number and directory listing. Two or three days after her telephone had been installed, he came home to find her stretched out on the floor with her feet on the living room couch and chatting away on the family telephone. Her own telephone was resting silently on her dresser. "Why are you using our telephone," he yelled. "Why aren't you talking on your own telephone?" "I can't," she said, "I'm expecting an important call on my phone." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Keon Williams, 20, Chester. Pennsylvania Man accidentally shot self while fleeing fficers in Delaware County Police say a man was injured after his gun went off while he was fleeing from officers on Saturday in Delaware County. According to the Upland Borough Police Department, an officer pulled over a white Lincoln Sedan for an expired inspection. After approaching the car the officer smelled marijuana, police say, and told both people inside the car to provide identification and step out of the vehicle. Police say that's when one of the men, 20-year-old Chester resident Keon Williams, fled the scene on foot. Officers were in pursuit when they say Williams pulled a semi- automatic firearm from his waistband, causing it to fire. The bullet hit Williams in his lower body. Police took Williams into custody and then sent him to the hospital for treatment of non-life-threatening injuries. Investigators say the gun Williams was carrying had been reported stolen. Williams was also in possession of drugs, drug paraphernalia, and more than $2,300 in cash. Williams is being charged with weapons possession, narcotics possession and related offenses.
From: Barbara C Re: Mac Forum Hi Webby, Barbara C can go to śApple Support Communitiesť and ask a question there or look for a similar question from someone else for the answers to her questions. There’s no cost involved. Have a great day! Best Regards, Patricia Dear Patricia She probably knows that, but I will tell her anyway. Most important is to get rid of the infection and pirating, that BestBuy and WebRoot were not able to control. She can have wise discussions on the Apple Support Communities after that. The people on that forum like Webroot, but we already know, that did not help. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of prunes at the grocery store!" "Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store. A clerk answers and Tom says, "Can I please talk to the Vice President of prunes?" "Which one? Dried or canned?".
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
During her annual checkup, a well-built lady was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table. "Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you." "That's all right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You get undressed and tell me when you're through." In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness, "Doctor, I've undressed. What should I do with my clothes?" "Your clothes?" answered the doctor. "Put them over here, on top of mine!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buying Books Discount bookstores and used books stores usually sell books for half off cover price and online retailers can be even cheaper. The cheapest place to find books, by far, is garage sales and rummage sales. Books are usually only .25 to .50. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Incredible Paper Art from Japan's Mr. Riu
___________________________________________________ The pastor's sermon focused on how God know's which of us grows best in the sunlight and which of us needs shade. "For example," he said, "roses must be planted in the sun, but fuchsias thrive in the shade." After the service, a woman, her face beaming, approached him. "Your sermon did me so much good," she said. Before he had time to gloat too much, however, she added, "I always wondered what was wrong with my fuchsias." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
After our friend Tom had been a temporary Bachelor for several weeks, we stopped by his Home to visit him. My wife asked if he was eating Properly. "Well, I do eat a lot of dog food," Tom Told her. "Dog food!" my wife exclaimed, horrified. "I can't believe you would be eating anything Like that!" "Come to the kitchen and I'll show you," Tom replied. Opening the refrigerator door, He waved his hand at a row of doggie bags from half of the restaurants in town. ____________________________________________________

Today, September 15 in
1776 British forces occupied New York City during the American
Revolution. 

1821 Costa Rica, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua and El Salvador
proclaimed independence. 

1853 Reverend Antoinette Brown Blackwell was ordained becoming
first female minister in the United States. 

1857 Timothy Alder earned a patent for the typesetting machine.


1858 The first mail service begins to the Pacific Coast of the
U.S. under government contract. Coaches from the Butterfield
Overland Mail Company took 12 days to make the journey between
Tipton, MO and San Francisco, CA. 

1909 A New York judge ruled that Ford Motor Company had
infringed on George Seldon's patent for the "Road Engine." The
ruling was later overturned. 

1909 Charles F. Kettering applied for a patent on his ignition
system. His company Delco (Dayton Engineering Laboratories
Company) later became a subsidiary of General Motors. 

1916 During the Battle of the Somme, in France, tanks were
first used in warfare when the British rolled them onto the
battlefields. 

1917 Alexander Kerensky proclaimed Russia to be a republic. 

1923 Oklahoma was placed under martial law by Gov. John
Calloway Walton due to terrorist activity by the Ku Klux Klan.
After this declaration national newspapers began to expose the
Klan and its criminal activities. 

1928 Alexander Fleming discovered the antibiotic penicillin in
the mold Penicillium notatum. 

1935 The Nuremberg Laws were enacted by Nazi Germany. The act
stripped all German Jews of their civil rights and the swastika
was made the official symbol of Nazi Germany. 

1940 The German Luftwaffe suffered the loss of 185 planes in
the Battle of Britain. The change in tide forced Hitler to
abandon his plans for invading Britain. 

1949 "The Lone Ranger" premiered on ABC. Clayton Moore was the
Lone Ranger and Jay Silverheels was Tonto. 

1950 U.N. forces landed at Inchon, Korea in an attempt to
relieve South Korean forces and recapture Seoul. 

1953 The National Boxing Association adopted the 10-point
scoring system for all of its matches. 

1955 Betty Robbins became the first woman cantor. 

1959 Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev arrived in the U.S. to
begin a 13-day visit. 

1961 The U.S. resumed underground testing of nuclear weapons. 

1965 "Lost in Space" premiered on CBS TV. 

1965 "Green Acres" premiered on CBS TV. 

1971 Greenpeace was founded. 

1978 Muhammad Ali defeated Leon Spinks to win his 3rd World
Heavyweight Boxing title. 

1982 The first issue of "USA Today" was published. 

1983 The U.S. Senate joined the U.S. House of Representatives
in their condemning of the Soviet Union for shooting down a
Korean jet with 269 people onboard. 

1990 France announced that it would send an additional 4,000
soldiers to the Persian Gulf. They also expelled Iraqi military
attaches in Paris. 

1993 The FBI announced a new national campaign concerning the
crime of carjacking. 

1994 U.S. President Clinton told Haiti's military leaders "Your
time is up. Leave now or we will force you from power." 

1995 The U.N. Fourth World Conference on Women was held in
Beijing. 

1997 The domain name "google.com" was registered. 

1998 Ayatollah Ali Khamenei ordered the Iranian military to be
on full alert and massed troops on its border with Afghanistan.


1998 It was announced that 5.9 million people read The Starr
Report on the Internet. 606,000 people read the White House
defense of U.S. President Clinton. 

1999 The United Nations approved the deployment of a
multinational peacekeeping force in East Timor. 

2003 In Independence, MO, the birthplace of Ginger Rogers was
designated a local landmark. The move by the Independence City
Council qualified the home for historic preservation. 

2012 Legoland Malaysia opened in Nusajaya, Johor, Malaysia.

2018  smiled.


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Infected Mac 




Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, September 14
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Due to a total lack of Gullible Warming, we had snow today.
Obama says it's trump's fault.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Burglar drank 24 bottles of beer and 
Jägermeister and tried to escape on bike

______________________________________________________
Today, September 14 in
1812 Moscow was set on fire by Russians after Napoleon
 Bonaparte's troops invaded. One way to stop  looting!
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people. --- Lucille S. Harper Some people will never learn anything because they understand everything too soon. --- Alexander Pope (1688 - 1744) ----------or think they do ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The following was overheard at a recent high society party... "My ancestry goes all the way back to Alexander the Great," said one lady. She then turned to a second woman and asked, "How far does your family go back?" "I don't know," was the reply. "All of our records were lost in the flood." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A Statistician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house. The Physicist says: "The measurement wasn't accurate." The Biologist concludes: "They have reproduced." The Statistician says: "Now if another person enters the house, it'll be empty again." ______________________________________________________ Rugby hurts! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A mother may hope that her daughter will get a better husband than she did, but she knows her son will never get as good a wife as his father did. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jy Kennedy, 24, Weoley Castle, Birmingham England Burglar drank 24 bottles of beer and Jägermeister and tried to escape on bike A burglar downed 24 bottles of beer and a bottle of Jägermeister before he tried to escape from police on a bicycle. Jy Kennedy, who had also taken cocaine, was chased by police for a mile as he made a number of U-turns to shake them off. The 24-year-old eventually crashed into a police car and fell off, ending the chase on August 5 in Weoley Castle, Birmingham. Kennedy, of Pershore Road, Selly Oak, who had previously admitted burglary and theft, and had asked for three other burglaries to be taken into consideration, was jailed for two years. The chase began after two officers heard a burglar alarm go off in Bournville Lane and spotted Kennedy cycling along clutching a flat screen TV. Mark Phillips, prosecuting at Birmingham Crown Court, said: It was quite clear the defendant was drunk. He tried to run but did not get very far and was arrested. When police searched his home they found a number of items he had taken from the same address earlier laid out on his bed including a jewellery box, a camcorder and a watch. When quizzed, Kennedy said he had been recently released from prison and was bored. Mr Phillips said: ‘He took cocaine at about 6am and bought and drank 24 bottles of Budweiser followed by a bottle of Jagermeister. ‘It was in that state he had gone out to burgle.’ Judge Roderick Henderson said it was clear Kennedy had visited the address more than once and that he had taken some items of sentimental value which had never been recovered. Delroy Henry, defending, said Kennedy had shown a lack of maturity and still had a lot of growing up to do. He was soon to be a father and would miss his first born’s birth if sent to jail.
From: Barbara C Re: Infected Mac Hello Webby, I have had a Mac lap top for less than 2 years. A while back I allowed who I thought was An Amazon rep into the computer. When I realized the mistake the link was severed. Soooo I had Best Buy take a look because I wasn’t sure if it had been compromised. They added Webroot. Now it buffers and is slow to take commands. Is that protection really neccesary since I thought Mac was set up to be protected against attack. Can I just stop that program? Some help would be a appreciated. Thanks Barbara Dear Barbara I have not touched a Mac since the days, when you were still jail bait. However, I know that the concept that Macs are protected is just BS and advertising. As you found out, they are not protected. On the Humor Letter, you see the links for Malwarebytes. Get that to clean up your Mac and to protect it. Then you can UNinstall that webroot. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
One woman was talking to her friend, "You should listen to my neighbor," she says. "She is always bad-mouthing her poor husband behind his back. I think that's so rude. Look at me! My husband is fat, lazy and cheap; but have you ever heard me say a bad word about about him?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
> Uncle Chuk Life has taught me that no matter how dark it seems, there's always a light on at the Motel 6. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Socks Together Attach pairs of socks with a safety pin before putting them in the washer. Even better, pin them together when you take them off and toss them in the dirty clothes hamper. The best safety pins are diaper safety pins which are less likely to damage other clothing. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Wildly beautiful photos of Flamingos from the air.
___________________________________________________ Rosh Hashanah is a time for introspection, and purifying one's soul, In conjunction with this is the custom of Tashlich, where people take crumbs and throw them into a river or other body of water to symbolize throwing away one's sins and starting the new year fresh. However, times have changed... Taking a few crumbs to Tashlich from whatever old bread is in the house lacks subtlety, nuance and religious sensitivity. Instead, consider these options this year for Rosh Hashanah: For ordinary sins, use White Bread For exotic sins, French Bread For particularly dark sins, Pumpernickel For complex sins, Multi-grain For twisted sins, Pretzels For tasteless sins, Rice Cakes For sins of indecision, Waffles For sins committed in haste, Matzah For sins of chutzpah, Bread that's fresh For substance abuse, Poppy Seed For committing arson, Toast For committing auto theft, Caraway For being ill tempered, Sourdough For silliness, Nut Bread For jingoism,Yankee Doodles For excessive use of irony, Rye Bread For telling bad jokes, Corn Bread For hardening our hearts, Jelly doughnuts For war-mongering, Kaiser Rolls For immodest dressing, Tarts For causing injury or damage to others, Tortes For promiscuity, Hot Buns For being holier than thou, Bagels For unfairly upbraiding another, Challah For trashing the environment, Dumplings For sins of laziness, Any Very Long Loaf For lying, Baked Goods with Nutrasweet and Olestra For the sins of the righteous, Angel Food Cake For selling your soul, Devils Food Cake For lust in your heart, Wonder Bread For inhaling, Stoned Wheat For your convenience, your local delicatessen has pre-mixed bread crumbs for sale. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A hillbilly dragged his protesting son to a new school which had just opened in a nearby village . When they arrived, he took his son to see the teacher. "Howdy," said the hillbilly. "This here's my son, Arthur. Now what kind of learnin' are you teachin'?" "Oh, all the usual subjects," said the teacher, nodding at the boy. "Reading, writing, arithmetic." "What's this ?" interrupted the father. "Arith....arith... what did you say?" "'Arithmetic, Sir," said the teacher, "instruction in geometry, algebra and trigonometry." "Trigonometry!" cried the delighted hillbilly. "That's what my boy needs. He's the worst darn shot in the family." ____________________________________________________

Today, September 14 in
1812 Moscow was set on fire by Russians after Napoleon
Bonaparte's troops invaded. One way to stop  looting! 

1814 Francis Scott Key wrote the "Star-Spangled Banner," a poem
originally known as "Defense of Fort McHenry," after witnessing
the British bombardment of Fort McHenry, MD, during the War of
1812. The song became the official U.S. national anthem on
March 3, 1931. 

1847 U.S. forces took control of Mexico City under the
leadership of General Winfield Scott. 

1866 George K. Anderson patented the typewriter ribbon. 

1899 In New York City, Henry Bliss became the first automobile
fatality. 

1901 U.S. President William McKinley died of gunshot wounds
inflicted by an assassin. Vice President Theodore Roosevelt, at
age 42, succeeded him. 

1915 Carl G. Muench received a patent for Insulit, the first
sound-absorbing material to be used in buildings. 

1938 The VS-300 made its first flight. The craft was based on
the helicopter technology patented by Igor Sikorsky. 

1940 The Selective Service Act was passed by the U.S. Congress
providing the first peacetime draft in the United States. 

1959 Luna II, a Soviet space probe, became the first man-made
object on the moon when it crash landed on the surface. 

1960 The Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries
(OPEC) was founded. The core members were Iran, Iraq, Kuwait,
Saudi Arabia, and Venezuela. 

1963 Mary Ann Fischer gave birth to America's first surviving
quintuplets. 

1972 "The Waltons" premiered on CBS-TV. 

1975 Pope Paul VI declared Mother Elizabeth Ann Bayley Seton
the first U.S.-born saint. 

1978 "Mork & Mindy" premiered on ABC-TV. 

1983 The U.S. House of Representatives voted 416-0 in a
resolution condemning the Soviet Union for the shooting down of
a Korean jet on September 1. 

1984 Joe Kittinger became the first person to fly a balloon
solo across the Atlantic Ocean. 

1987 Tony Magnuson cleared 9.5 feet above the top of the U-ramp
and set a new skateboard high jump record. 

1998 Israel announced that they had successfully tested its
Arrow-2 missile defense system. The system successfully
destroyed a simulated target. 

2001 The FBI released the names of the 19 suspected hijackers
that had taken part in the September 11 terror attacks on the
U.S.

2009 Greyhound UK began operations as an hourly service between
London and Portsmouth or Southampton. 

2015 In Livingston, LA, and Hanford, WA, the Laser
Interferometer Gravitational-wave Observatory (LIGO) detectors
detected gravitational waves for the first time. The news was
reported on February 11, 2016. 

2018  smiled.


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Russian ISP 




Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, September 13

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Woman stabbed naked boyfriend 
in bed when he said no to sex

______________________________________________________
Today, September 13 in
1959 The Soviet Union's Luna 2 became the first space probe 
to reach the moon. It was launched the day before.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source. --- Ron Nesen Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner "ABC News says Americans spend $300 billion every year on games of chance, and that doesn't even include weddings and elections." --- Argus Hamilton ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this!" he exclaimed. "I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.'" "Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, "Get behind me, Satan!" "I did," replied his wife, "but then he said "It looks great from back here, too" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A widow recently married a widower. Soon after the marriage she was accosted by a friend who laughingly remarked - "I suppose, like all men who have been married before, your husband sometimes talks about his first wife?" "Oh, not any more, he doesn't," the other replied. "What stopped him?" "I started talking about my next husband." ______________________________________________________ Mandarin Duck _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A scientist found, to his great surprise, that he was lactose intolerant (unable to digest milk sugar). At dinner that night with his two young daughters (age 9 and 4 years), he mentioned that he had found out that he was lactose intolerant and tried to explain to them what that meant. A couple of months later, he took the kids to a local restaurant for a quick breakfast before shopping. The place was very busy, but the quality of the food and service were obviously not up to par. When they finally got their breakfast, his youngest daughter took a look at her father's omelet and burnt toast and declared very loudly to the waitress "My Daddy can't eat that toast, he is charcoal intolerant." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Vicky Ludlow, 37, Worcestershire, England Woman stabbed naked boyfriend in bed when he said no to sex A woman stabbed her boyfriend with a steak knife as they lay naked together in bed because he had turned her down for sex, a court heard. Vicky Ludlow, 37, left her boyfriend with a punctured lung in the stabbing at his flat in Fenton, Stoke-on- Trent. In the early hours of April 26, Ludlow who was drunk told her boyfriend: 'I'm going to stab you', Stoke-on-Trent Crown Court was told. The man managed to escape the house and lock Ludlow inside, but fell down the stairs where he was found naked by a neighbour with 'blood everywhere'. She has now been jailed for six years after admitting the attack. Prosecutor Glyn Samuel said the victim's injury 'felt like a punch because it made a thud'. 'It was only when the knife was withdrawn as it had a serrated edge that he realised what it was,' the prosecutor said. 'She had a steak knife in her hand. He pinned her down. He managed to twist her arm so the knife stabbed in the mattress. He fled. He locked her in the flat and called 999. He felt dizzy and fell down the stairs. His neighbour heard a commotion caused by the defendant banging on the inside of the door. She found the victim covered in blood. Ludlow, from Worcestershire, pleaded guilty to wounding with intent to cause grievous bodily harm.
From: Bill Re: Russian ISP Dear Webby, I have six computers, two of which are connected to the internet. I have had the same ISP for over ten years. I had a question, and called my ISP. He looked up my internet connection, and (sounding somewhat confused), he informed me that I was no longer connected to his company. He informed me that my ISP is in Russia. He then asked me if I would like to be connected to his company, since I have been paying them to be my ISP for the past ten years. I replied that being connected to his company rather than some ISP in Russia would be nice. I could tell no difference between the ISP in Russia and the local ISP. Just thought you might be interested. Thank you, Bill Dear Bill Next, I suppose, Mueller will investigate you for not voting for Broom Hilda. Sounds like bullshit to me. Are you using dial-up or DSL or cable or fibre? You can easily check your connection. In Windows, hit START, type cmd ENTER You will get DOS. Yes, you still have DOS underneath all the rigmarole. Type tracert webby.com ENTER DOS will trace your way to webby.com You can, of course, trace to any domain you want, including the one of your ISP. Here I get: Microsoft Windows [Version 6.1.7601] Copyright (c) 2009 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved. C:\Users\Helmut>tracert webby.com Tracing route to webby.com [167.114.65.134] over a maximum of 30 hops: 1 <1 ms <1 ms <1 ms 192.168.1.254 2 5 ms 15 ms 5 ms 10.145.156.1 3 54 ms 54 ms 54 ms toroonnlbr00.bb.telus.com [154.11.11.57] 4 55 ms 55 ms 55 ms mtl-1-6k.qc.ca [142.44.208.120] 5 57 ms 56 ms 56 ms be100-1325.bhs-g2-nc5.qc.ca [192.99.146.142] 6 * * * Request timed out. 7 149 ms 156 ms 147 ms be50-7.bhs-3b-a9.qc.ca [198.27.73.98] 8 55 ms 55 ms 55 ms webby.com [167.114.65.134] Trace complete. You should get something similar The potholes at hop #6 and the long time on #7 indicate that some major router, looks like Chicago, is down and the Internet re-routs around the problem via Montreal, but in the end gets to Webby.com in 55 Milliseconds. There are sites, that show you a map of your trace route. They are often very busy and very slow. https://www.iptrackeronline.com/index.php will even show you a satellite shot of where that IP number is located. However, even just the tracert will give you an idea where you are connected. If you were dialing to a Russian ISP, your phone bill would be astronomical. I would guess that whoever you talked to was a clueless politician, and was just bullshitting you. If you want to see your own IP number, browse to http://webby.com/ip Then you can send that IP number to me, and I will trace to it. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled. "I can't dear," she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room." The little boy replied with a shaking voice, "The big sissy."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An old guy went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up." "That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com How Many Meals When buying meat, calculate how many meals you think you can get out of the package and divide that by how much it costs. Try to get as many meals out of each meat purchase as possible. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Lets take a trip to St. Petersburg, Russia and see two palaces.
___________________________________________________ A priest, a pastor, and a rabbi are walking down the street on a hot day and are quite thirsty. They pass a busy bar and want to go in and get a drink but have no money. But the priest comes up with an idea that he thinks might work, so he goes in alone, telling to others that if his idea works they can all get free drinks. He orders his drink, and when he's finished with it, the bartender gives him his tab. The priest says, "But son,... I already paid for the drink!" The bartender says, "I'm terribly sorry father but it's really busy in here and I must have forgotten." The priest goes out and tells the pastor and the rabbi what happened, so the pastor goes in next. The pastor orders his drink and then informs the bartender that he already had paid when the bartender asks him for the money. Again the bartender apologizes. Finally the rabbi goes in and orders his drink. Again the bartender gives him the tab and the rabbi tells him, "Son, I paid you when I ordered the drink." "I'm terribly sorry rabbi," says the bartender, "I don't know what's wrong with me, but your the third man of the cloth that I've done this to." "I'm sorry son," says the rabbi, "but I'm in a terrible hurry,... Just give me my change for the $20 I gave you, and I'll be on my way!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A loaded minivan pulled in to the only remaining campsite. Four children leapt from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils. A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters' father, "That, sir, is some display of teamwork." The father replied, "I have a system; no one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up." ____________________________________________________

Today, September 13 in
1759 The French were defeated by the British on the Plains of
Abraham in the final French and Indian War. 

1789 The United States Government took out its first loan. 

1847 U.S. forces took the hill Chapultepec during the Mexican-
American War. 

1898 Hannibal Williston Goodwin patented celluloid photographic
film, which is used to make movies. 

1922 In El Azizia, Libya, the highest shade temperature was
recorded at 136.4 degrees Fahrenheit. 

1935 Aviator Howard Hughes, Jr., of Houston, set a new airspeed
record of 352 mph with his H-1 airplane (Winged Bullet). 

1943 Chiang Kai-shek became the president of China. 

1959 The Soviet Union's Luna 2 became the first space probe to
reach the moon. It was launched the day before. 

1960 The U.S. Federal Communications Commission banned payola. 

1971 In New York, National Guardsmen stormed the Attica
Correctional Facility and put an end to the four-day revolt. A
total of 43 people were killed in the final assault. A
committee was organized to investigate the riot on September
30, 1971. 

1971 The World Hockey Association was formed. 

1977 The first American diesel automobiles were introduced by
General Motors. Mercedes had made Diesel cars for decades, but
not in the US.

1981 U.S. Secretary of State Alexander M. Haig said the U.S.
had physical evidence that Russia and its allies used poisonous
biological weapons in Laos, Cambodia and Afghanistan. 

1988 Forecasters reported that Hurricane Gilbert's barometric
pressure measured 26.13. It was the strongest hurricane ever
recorded in the Western Hemisphere. 

1993 Israel and Palestine signed their first major agreement.
Palestine was granted limited self-government in the Gaza Strip
and in Jericho. 

2001 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell named Osama bin Laden
as the prime suspect in the terror attacks on the United States
on September 11, 2001. Limited commercial flights resumed in
the U.S. for the first time in two days. 

2018  smiled.
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Modem makes weird sound 




Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, September 12

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Parents separated from kid, after 
toddler handed cops drugs when mom 
was pulled over

______________________________________________________
Today, September 12 in
1918 During World War I, At the Battle of St. Mihiel, U.S. Army
personnel operate tanks for the first time. The tanks were
French-built. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I don't really trust a sane person. --- Lyle Alzado (1949 - 1992) A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. --- Milton Berle ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A woman passed out and her husband,Bubba, called 911. The operator said they would send someone out right away and asked, "Where do you live?" Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally, Bubba said, "How about I drag her over to Oak Street and you can meet us there?" -------- In Feldkirch, where I went to University, there was a Gasthaus (inn) on Gymnasium Street, that was very popular with students. It was a fairly common occurrence that students passed out upon leaving and getting to the fresh air. Cops did not like writing Gymnasium Street, so they always wrote Markt Street, the next street over, whether they drug the student over there or not. Passed out students could not remember the details anyway. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady. ______________________________________________________ Kei Truck Garden Contest _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business." ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Megan Karl, 33, Scott Hil, 26, New Scotland New York Parents separated from kid, after toddler handed cops drugs when mom was pulled over A 3-year-old girl got her mother and a friend into hot water during an upstate traffic stop ů when she handed a state trooper drugs and paraphernalia, police said Monday. The child was in the backseat of a 2000 Saturn when it was pulled over by cops during an ôoccupant-safetyö checkpoint on Route 32 in New Scotland just south of Albany on Thursday afternoon, according to New York State Police. The front-seat occupants ů 26-year-old driver Scott Hill and the little girlĆs mom, Megan Karl, 33 ů were observed making suspicious movements, police said. When they rolled down their windows, cops could smell burning marijuana, police said. As one trooper interviewed Hill, another checked on the child, according to the troopers. ThatĆs when the child ů who was not properly secured ů reached under the front seat and pulled out a pouch, police said. She opened it up to show the officer what was inside ů marijuana, a metal marijuana grinder and a pipe, both of which had remnants of the drug, police said. Cops also found an ashtray in the front seat containing marijuana cigarette butts, police said. The drugs and paraphernalia apparently belonged to Hill, according to police. Hill and Karl were arrested and charged with endangering the welfare of a child. Hill was also charged with unlawful possession of marijuana, police said. The girl was taken into the care of relatives, and child- protective services was notified of the incident.
From: Susan Re: Get knocked off-line and modem makes weird noise Dear Webby, Good Morning, We have been having a lot of trouble of falling off line once we are connected to Inet. We have a new provider so apparantly that was not the problem. When trying to connect, I sometimes notice strange noise...I have to shut down and restart. If the strange noise has stopped, it will then connect. We still may get dropped and have to reconnect. I think this is a modem problem. Do you think the modem needs to be replaced? It has been replaced once. Does heat have anything to do with this? (we have dial up) Read your humor letter and vote every time I am online. I do not trust just anyone's 'tech help' but I have never gone wrong with yours. Thank you for any help you can give me this time. Susan Dear Susan that would be either the modem re-dialing after your connection had broken, or some malicious program knocking you off and then dialing a long distance number. Is the sound similar to when you are normally connecting? if it sounds like a normal connecting, then reboot to get a clean slate, then click on START, RUN, then type cmd and hit Enter. You will get a black and white DOS screen. In there type tracert hotmail.com Click on EDIT, MARK, COPY, then paste that into a text file or email. Just save that. Then, next time you get knocked off and the modem dials you up with a weird noise, do that again. If it shows a different trace route, then you know some malicious program is connecting you to some expensive long distance. If it shows the same route as right after rebooting, then you can relax. Then it's just something interrupting your connection. That could be anything. When I was in the Yukon, my security system did a self-test at 01:00 and called in an "OK" to the monitoring station. That of course knocked me off-line. In Okotoks it was the gas meter, that phoned in the day's results at 02:00. Same thing. I got knocked off the net, at exactly the same time every night. If it happens more than once a day, ask the phone company to check the line and find out what interrupts the connection. Have FUN DearWebby

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The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances." During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up." At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner." And that is how the substitute became the regular organist! That is from the days before the left wing media made assholes famouos.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing An Extra Roll of Toilet Paper If you do not have cabinet bathroom storage space, or it just is not close enough to the toilet, store toilet paper spare roll this way. Cut the bottom out of a tall square tissue box and slip it over the top of the roll. It's both pretty and handy, sitting on the toilet top. By Linda If you can't find a suitable tissue box, use an empty bleach bottle, cut the bottom 2 inches off, and decorate the bottle with graffiti or paste cartoons or pictures on it. You can even tie a few mark-alls on strings so that visitors can sign or leave smart-ass remarks or wise comments. Start with a few quotes to give them the idea. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
London's secret nuclear reactor.
___________________________________________________ During a Law school lecture, the 'Audi alteramparten' rule was explained. Translated it means, "To hear the other party". After discussing the subject at great length, the lecturer asked if anyone didn't understand the rule. A man in the back of the class said, "Yes, my wife." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was blown off. Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, "This is good!" To which the king replied, "No, this is NOT good!"and proceeded to send his friend to jail. About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured himand took them to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and bound him to the stake. As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing a thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone that was less than whole. So untying the king, they sent him on his way. As he returned home, he was reminded of the event that had takenhis thumb and felt remorse for his treatment of his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend. "You were right," he said, "it was good that my thumb was blown off." And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. "And so I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this..." "No," his friend replied, "this is good!!" "What do you mean, 'This is good!'?? How could it be good that I sent my friend to jail for a year?!" "If I had not been in jail, I would have been with you, hunting!" ____________________________________________________

Today, September 12 in
1609 English explorer Henry Hudson sailed down what is now
known as the Hudson River. 

1814 During the War of 1812, the Battle of North Point was
fought in Maryland. 

1873 The first practical typewriter was sold to customers. 

1914 The first battle of Marne ended when the allied forces
stopped the German offensive in France. 

1916 Adelina and August Van Buren finished the first successful
transcontinental motorcycle tour to be attempted by two women.
They started in New York City on July 5, 1916. 

1918 During World War I, At the Battle of St. Mihiel, U.S. Army
personnel operate tanks for the first time. The tanks were
French-built. 

1922 The Episcopal Church removed the word "Obey" from the
bride's section of wedding vows. 

1938 In a speech, Adolf Hitler demanded self-determination for
the Sudeten Germans in Czechoslovakia. 

1940 The Lascaux paintings were discovered in France. The cave
paintings were 17,000 years old and were some of the best
examples of art from the Paleolithic period. 

1943 During World War II, Benito Mussolini was taken by German
paratroopers from the Italian government that was holding him. 

1944 U.S. Army troops entered Germany, near Trier, for the
first time during World War II. 

1953 U.S. Senator John F. Kennedy married Jacqueline Lee
Bouvier. 

1953 Nikita Krushchev was elected as the first secretary of the
Communist Party of the Soviet Union. 

1954 "Lassie" made its television debut on CBS. The last show
aired on September 12, 1971. 

1974 Violence occurred on the opening day of classes in Boston,
MA due to opposition to court-ordered school "busing." 

1974 Emperor Haile Selassie was taken out of power by
Ethiopia's military after ruling for 58 years. 

1977 South African anti-apartheid activist Stephen Biko died at
the age of 30. The student leader died while in police custody
which triggered an international outcry. 

1983 Arnold Schwarzenegger became a U.S. citizen. He had
emigrated from Austria 14 years earlier. 

1991 The space shuttle Discovery took off on a mission to
deploy an observatory that was to study the Earth's ozone
layer. 

1992 Police in Peru captured Shining Path founder Abimael
Guzman. 

1992 Dr. Mae Carol Jemison became the first African-American
woman in space. She was the payload specialist aboard the space
shuttle Endeavor. Also onboard were Mission Specialist N. Jan
Davis and Air Force Lieutenant Colonel Mark C. Lee. They were
the first married couple to fly together in space. And, Mamoru
Mohri became the first Japanese person to fly into space. 

2009 Steve Jobs announced that Apple's iTunes had 88% of the
legal U.S. music download market.

2018  smiled.
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Monitor causes eye strain 




Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, September 11

What were you doing when the world changed today in 2001?

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Arrested for triple murder 
in Connecticut

______________________________________________________
Today, September 11 in
1875 "Professor Tidwissel's Burglar Alarm" was featured in 
the New York Daily Graphic and became the first comic strip 
to appear in a newspaper. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. --- William Blake (1757 - 1827) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was The President of The United States." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them. "Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?" "Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss the folks I shoot at." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said, "I do." Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and my Mom said, "He better!" ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ruth Correa, 23, Griswold, Connecticut Arrested for triple murder in Connecticut For more than four months, 21-year-old Matthew Lindquist was considered a suspect in the murders of his parents, found inside their burned-out home in Griswold, Conn., on Dec. 20. All the time, he was lying dead 1,500 feet away, a third victim of what police describe as a fake robbery turned real. According to an arrest affidavit released Tuesday, Lindquist had offered his father's guns to a man in exchange for drugs, so long as the man staged the scene to look like a burglary. That's not what happened. Now charged in the case, 23-year-old Ruth Correa reportedly told police her brother, Sergio Correa, hit Lindquist in the head with a machete after Lindquist panicked, per the Washington Post. The siblings then stabbed Lindquist, leaving his body in the woods near his parents' home, which they entered through a basement door they knew to be unlocked, per the affidavit. When Kenneth and Janet Lindquist appeared, 26-year-old Sergio hit Kenneth, 56, with a baseball bat while Ruth told Janet that "her son had set her up," the affidavit states, per NBC Connecticut. The document says Sergio then choked Janet, 61, and hit her in the head with the bat before he and his sister set the house alight and took off with stolen goods and Matthew Lindquist's car, later found burned. After reportedly telling police that her brother might be planning to kill her, Ruth Correa was arrested on charges of murder, home invasion, arson, and robbery on May 12, a week after Matthew Lindquist's body was found. At the time, police said additional arrests were expected. Sergio Correa has yet to be charged, though. He's in police custody following a February arrest for probation violations and "maintains he had nothing to do with this," his lawyer tells the Hartford Courant.
From: Lucy Re: Eye strain Dear Webby, I am working on a large but very important project, but lately after half a day or so, my eyes get tired and sandy. When that happens, I can't concentrate and all I want to do is go for a nap. Is there a solution for that? Lucy Dear Lucy First check the air currents in the room. If necessary, get a smoker to assist you. Especially in a darkened room a flashlight and some smoke will quickly tell you if air from anywhere is bouncing off the monitor or keyboard into your face and drying your eyes. If it is, deflect the air somehwre else. Secondly, raise the monitor or lower the chair so that you sit in the sexy positioning like the typists before the Libber age, chest out, back and neck straight, head slightly raised so that a ruler placed under your chin and pointing forward, points slightly upward, not level or down. Your neck and head circulation will improve instantly, and your eyes will feel a lot better. As a fringe benefit, especially if you combine that pre-Libber body posture with a silly grin about it, works as an anti- depressant and mood optimizer. You will also get a lot more compliments! Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A good piece of chocolate has about 200 calories. As I enjoy two servings per night and a few more on weekends, I consume 3,500 calories of chocolate in a week, which equals to one pound of weight per week. Therefore, in the last three and a half years, I have had a chocolate caloric intake of about 180 pounds. I only weigh 165 pounds, so without chocolate, I would have wasted away to nothing about three months ago. I owe my life to chocolate!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A mother looked out a window and saw Johnny playing church with their three kittens. He had them lined up and was preaching to them. The mother turned around to do some work. A while later she heard meowing and scratching on the door. She went to the window and saw Johnny baptizing the kittens. She opened the window and said, "Johnny, stop that! You'll drown those kittens." Johnny looked at her and said with much conviction in his voice: "They should have thought of that before they joined my church." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com September Home and Garden Bargains September is a great month to get items for your home and garden at clearance prices. Keep an eye out for seeds, plants, planters, deck stain, outdoor grills and garden tools. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
The Coconut Palace of the Philippines
___________________________________________________ An American is taking a train from London to Manchester. During the trip he starts complaining about the British to the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment. "You English are too stuffy," the American says. "You think your stiff upper lips set you above the rest of us. Look at me: I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Indian blood and some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?" Says the Englishman dryly, "Very sporting of your mother." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "are there any gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "Ain't been any for years!" Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming toward the shore. As he got closer to shore he shouted to the guy again "What did you do to get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em all." ____________________________________________________

Today, September 11 in
1297 Scotsman William Wallace defeated the English forces of
Sir Hugh de Cressingham at the Battle of Stirling Bridge. 

1499 French forces took over Milan, Italy. 

1609 Explorer Henry Hudson sailed into New York harbor and
discovered Manhattan Island and the Hudson River. 

1695 Imperial troops under Eugene of Savoy defeated the Turks
at the Battle of Zenta. 

1709 An Anglo-Dutch-Austrian force defeated the French in the
Battle of Malplaquet. 

1714 Spanish and French troops broke into Barcelona and ended
Catalonia's sovereignty after 13 months of seige. 

1776 A Peace Conference was held between British General Howe
and three representatives of the Continental Congress (Benjamin
Franklin, John Adams and Edward Rutledge). The conference
failed and the American war for independence continued for
seven more years. 

1777 American forces, under General George Washington, were
forced to retreat at the Battle of Brandywine Creek by British
forces under William Howe. The Stars and Stripes (American
flag) were carried for the first time in the battle. 

1814 The U.S. fleet defeated a squadron of British ships in the
Battle of Lake Champlain, VT. 

1842 1,400 Mexican troops captured San Antonio, TX. The
Mexicans retreated with prisoners. 

1855 The siege of Sevastopol ended when French, British and
Piedmontese troops captured the main naval base of the Russian
Black fleet in the Crimean War. 

1875 "Professor Tidwissel's Burglar Alarm" was featured in the
New York Daily Graphic and became the first comic strip to
appear in a newspaper. 

1877 The first comic-character timepiece was patented by the
Waterbury Clock Company. 

1883 The mail chute was patented by James Cutler. The new
device was first used in the Elwood Building in Rochester, NY. 

1897 A ten-week strike of coal workers in Pennsylvania, WV, and
Ohio came to an end. The workers won an eight-hour workday,
semi-monthly pay, and company stores were abolished. 

1904 The U.S. battleship Connecticut was launched in New York. 

1910 In Hollywood, the first commercially successful electric
bus line opened. 

1926 In Honolulu Harbor, HI, the Aloha Tower was dedicated. 

1936 Boulder Dam in Nevada was dedicated by U.S. President
Franklin D. Roosevelt by turning on the dam's first
hydroelectric generator. The dam is now called Hoover Dam. 

1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt gave orders to attack
any German or Italian vessels found in U.S. defensive waters.
The U.S. had not officially entered World War II at this time. 

1941 Charles A. Lindbergh brought on charges of anti-Semitism
with a speech in which he blamed "the British, the Jewish and
the Roosevelt administration" for trying to draw the United
States into World War II. 

1941 In Arlington, VA, the groundbreaking ceremony for the
Pentagon took place. 

1951 Florence Chadwick became the first woman to swim the
English Channel from both directions. 

1952 Dr. Charles Hufnagel successfully replaced a diseased
aorta valve with an artificial valve made of plastic. 

1954 The Miss America beauty pageant made its network TV debut
on ABC. Miss California, Lee Ann Meriwether, was the winner. 

1959 The U.S. Congress passed a bill authorizing the creation
of food stamps. 

1965 The 1st Cavalry Division (Airmobile) arrived in South
Vietnam and was stationed at An Khe. 

1974 "Little House On The Prairie" made its television debut. 

1977 The Atari 2600 was released. It was originally sold as the
Atari VCS. The system was discontinued on January 1, 1992. 

1985 A U.S. satellite passed through the tail of the Giacobini-
Zinner comet. It was the first on-the-spot sampling of a comet.


1991 Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev announced that
thousands of troops would be drawn out of Cuba. 

1997 Scotland voted to create its own Parliament after 290
years of rule by England. 

1998 Independent counsel Kenneth Starr sent a report to the
U.S. Congress accusing President Clinton of 11 possible
impeachable offenses. 

2001 In the U.S., four airliners were hijacked and were
intentionally crashed. Two airliners hit the World Trade
Center, which collapsed shortly after, in New York City, NY.
One airliner hit the Pentagon in Arlington, VA. Another
airliner crashed into a field in Pennsylvania. About 3,000
people were killed. 

2012 Terrorists attacked the U.S. consulate in Benghazi, Libya.
Ambassador Stevens and four other Americans were brutally
murdered and ten others were injured. 

2018  smiled.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, September 10

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Florida Woman Facing Criminal 
Charges For Ruff Sex 

______________________________________________________
Today, September 10 in
1846 Elias Howe received a patent for his sewing machine. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Crime does not pay ... as well as politics. --- Alfred E. Newman, Hillary ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged Caumeneur." The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular, wine, but was used to the infusion of French words into the local vocabulary. "Could you please spell that?" she asked. "You know," said the woman impatiently, "C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ From when I was filling in for Stormy and her supposedly daily animal stories: One time a summer storm got a bit carried away and tree branches and pine cones and squirrels and pieces of bark and who knows what were flying along horizontally. Luckily my workshop was sheltered bythe garage on the windy side and all the windows were on the safe sides. I watched how the dogs were coping with it. Most were lying down in their favorite naptime configurations, except Dora. She stood there, facing the wind, snapping at pine cones and whatever flew by. Then she actually caught a squirrel! Either she or the squirrel must have made a certain noise, because instantly all the other dogs were on their feet and playing the same game, catching wind-blown stuff, and having a great time. It only lasted about a few minutes, then the wind slowed down. The dogs all turned to look down to the workshop and giving short barks, as if they were trying to coax me to turn the wind on again. ______________________________________________________ North Korean Military Parade last week, the first one since the Trump meeting, showed no more nukes, no more Intercontinental missiles, but more military women in mini skirts showing off trim legs, and medals. They are rubbing it in to Trump, that THEY can afford a parade and no Democrat mayor is going to stop them. They have camps for mayors like that. They still showed impressive numbers of tanks and artillery, but most impressive were the legions of women in mini skirts. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?" ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ashley Miller, 18, Bradenton, Florida Florida Woman Facing Criminal Charges For Ruff Sex A Florida woman has been charged with engaging in sexual activity with her pit bull, according to cops who found photos of the canine encounters stored on the suspect’s cell phone. In the course of an investigation into the transmission of harmful material to a minor, police earlier this month searched the phone of Ashley Miller, an 18-year-old Bradenton resident, according to an arrest warrant affidavit. In a folder titled "2-face fun," investigators found 17 photos of a "canine performing oral sex on an unknown white female." In a subsequent interview with cops, Miller acknowledged she was the woman in the photos and that she was being licked by her dog "2-face." Miller said that the female dog, which she has owned since 2006, has "licked her vagina on approximately 30 to 40 occasions" police reported. Miller further explained that she "would call 2-face into her room, take her pants off, open her legs and 2-face would lick her vagina." She added that a prior dog, named "Scarface", also licked her on a similar number of occasions. Seen in the above mug shot, Miller was arrested Friday and charged with two misdemeanor counts of sexual activities involving animals. Miller was freed from jail Saturday after posting $1000 bond.
From: Pam Re: Export Chrome bookmarks Dear Webby, How do I back up the Chrome Bookmarks? All the info I can find is obsolete and does not work with current versions of Chrome. Pam Dear Pam Ctrl SHift o Hit the 3 dots in the right top of the Bookmark Page, not the browser page. Now it acts as if it is in a snit because you are using forbidden shortcuts and makes you wait. Eventually, it brings up the Save page, suggesting that you save it to some Windows typical and very forgettable location. Change that to a place you can find easily. You can even select your USB Key-fob. For the file name, it suggests something like bookmarks_9_9_18.html That is nicely descriptive. The Windows lady must have been on maternity leave when they programmed that! If you have another computer networked, and have a directory there with permissions for you to save to it, you can save it to there. Then you can IMPORT the bookmarks to that computer. You can, of course do that too by sticking your USB key fob drive into the other machine. Saves you messing with permissions. If you don't have a keyfob USB drive for a "Sneaker Net", you can save the bookmarks onto a camera chip. It doesn't take much room. Mine is 265 KB, the equivalent of a very small picture. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
When I worked as a technical-support specialist for a service company, customer help calls ranged from the mundane to the bizarre. One memorable problem I had to trouble-shoot came from a man who complained that every time he flushed his toilet, his computer would reboot. It turned out that he lived in a rural area with water supplied by a well with an electric pump. Every time he flushed, it would turn on the pump, causing a dip in the electric power, which in turn would cause his computer to restart itself. I recommended a UPS (Uninterruptible Power Supply), just a cheap one with 5 minutes capacity. Actually, even the ones built into some overpriced power bars promise that, but don't deliver that outside of the store. For stuff like that you need one that has a motorcycle battery or a drone battery pack. The motorcycle battery is usually much cheaper, and will give you plenty of time for a proper shut-down if the lights go out. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Woman comes home and tells her husband, the local minister: "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone." "No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?" His wife replies: "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It worked! The headaches are all gone." Well, that is wonderful" Said the husband. His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!" The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she Sees him standing at the mirror and saying, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife!" His funeral service will be held on Friday. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save All The Receipts Save all the receipts from back to school shopping so you can return items that turn out to not be needed. Also, your child may decide they want to wear a different style clothes after school starts, keep tags and receipts so unwanted (and unused) items can be returned. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Coral Castle is the Stonehenge of Florida.
___________________________________________________ This is an oldie. I ran it before. Let's see if you can do better this time! Can you find the names of 16 books from the Bible in the paragraph below without the aid of your bible? (One minister found 15 of the books in 20 minutes, but it took him weeks to find the last one.) I once made the remark about the hidden books of the Bible. It was a lulu; kept people looking so hard for facts... and for others it was a revelation. Some were in a jam, especially since the names of the books were not capitalized. But the truth finally struck home to numbers of our readers. To others it was a real job. We want it to be a most fascinating few moments for you. Yes, there will be some really easy ones to spot. Others may require judges to help them. I will quickly admit it usually takes a minister to find one of them, and there will be loud lamentations when it is found. A little lady says she brews a cup of tea so she can concentrate better. See how well you can compete. Relax now, for there really are sixteen names of books of the Bible in this paragraph. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Pilot: "Pilot to tower. I am 300 miles from land. 600 feet over water and running out of fuel. Please instruct!" Tower: "Tower to pilot. Tower to pilot. Repeat after me, 'Our Father, who art in heaven...'" ____________________________________________________

Today, September 10 in
1608 John Smith was elected president of the Jamestown, VA
colony council. 

1813 The first defeat of British naval squadron occurred in
the Battle of Lake Erie during the War of 1812. The leader of
the U.S. fleet sent the famous message "We have met the
enemy, and they are ours" to U.S. General William Henry
Harrison. 

1845 King Willem II opened Amsterdam Stock exchange. 

1846 Elias Howe received a patent for his sewing machine. 

1897 British police arrest George Smith for drunken driving.
It was the first DWI. 

1913 The Lincoln Highway opened. It was the first paved
coast-to-coast highway in the U.S. 

1919 New York City welcomed home 25,000 soldiers and General
John J. Pershing who had served in the First Division during
World War I. 

1919 Austria and the Allies signed the Treaty of St.-Germain-
en-Laye. Austria recognized the independence of Poland,
Hungary, Czechoslovakia and Yugoslavia. 

1921 The Ayus Autobahn in Germany opened near Berlin. The
road is known for its nonexistent speed limit. 

1923 The Irish Free state joined the League of Nations. 

1926 Germany joined the League of Nations. 

1939 Canada declared war on Germany. 

1940 In Britain, Buckingham Palace was hit by German bomb. 

1942 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt mandated gasoline
rationing as part of the U.S. wartime effort. 

1943 German forces began their occupation of Rome during
World War II. 

1948 Mildred "Axis Sally" Gillars was indicted for treason in
Washington, DC. Gillars was a Nazi radio propagandist during
World War II. She was convicted and spent 12 years in prison.


1951 Britain began an economic boycott of Iran. 

1953 Swanson began selling its first "TV dinner." 

1955 "Gunsmoke" premiered on CBS. 

1956 Great Britain performed a nuclear test at Maralinga,
Australia. 

1963 Twenty black students entered public schools in Alabama
at the end of a standoff between federal authorities and
Alabama governor George C. Wallace. 

1979 U.S. President Carter granted clemency to four Puerto
Rican nationalists who had been imprisoned for an attack on
the U.S. House of Representatives in 1954 and an attempted
assassination of U.S. President Truman in 1950. 

1981 Pablo Picasso's mural Guernica was received in the town
of Guernica. 

1989 Hungary gave permission to thousands of East German
refugees and visitors to immigrate to West Germany. 

1990 Iran agreed to resume full diplomatic ties with past
enemy Iraq. 

1990 Iraq's Saddam Hussein offered free oil to developing
nations in an attempt to win their support during the Gulf
War Crisis. 

1998 Northwest Airlines announced an agreement with pilots,
ending a nearly two-week walkout. 

1999 A bronze sculpture of a war horse just over 24 feet high
was dedicated in Milan, Italy. 

2002 Florida tested its new elections system. The test
resulted in polling stations opening late and problems
occurred with the touch screen voting machines. 

2002 The "September 11: Bearing Witness to History" exhibit
opened at the Smithsonian's National Museum of American
History. 

2002 Switzerland became the 190th member of the United
Nations. 

2018  smiled.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, September 9

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Good Samaritan unknowingly stopped to 
help man who had been hired to kill him

______________________________________________________
Today, September 9 in
490 B.C. The Battle of Marathon took place between the
invading Persian army and the Athenian Army. The marathon
race was derived from the events that occurred surrounding
this battle. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two poets, who had been bitter rivals, met each other on a street corner. Naturally the old rivalry resumed itself. "You know, " said the first poet, "since we last met, my readership has increased!" "Oh congratulations!" the second poet replied. "I didn't know you got married!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The Matchmaker goes to see Mr Cohen, a confirmed bachelor for many years. "Mr Cohen, don't leave it too late. I have exactly the one you need. You only have to say the word and you'll meet and be married in no time!" says the Matchmaker. "Don't bother," replies Mr Cohen, "I've two sisters at home, who look after all my needs." "That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife." "I said 'two sisters'. I didn't say they were MY sisters!" ______________________________________________________ Langkawi Sky Bridge, Malaysia Hovering 400 feet above the ground the sky bridge has closed multiple times for maintenance but is now fully accessible to the public. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Vickey for this GROANER: A MECHANIC AND HIS DOG A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named Mace. Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass in the mechanic's lawn, so the mechanic had to keep Mace inside. The grass eventually became overgrown. One day the mechanic was working on a car in his backyard and dropped his wrench losing it in the tall grass. He couldn't find it for the life of him so he decided to call it a day. That night, Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in the backyard. The next morning, the mechanic went outside and saw his wrench glinting in the sunlight. Realizing what had happened, he looked up to the heavens and sang out loudly, proclaiming... (Are you ready for this?) "A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound that saved a wrench for me!" ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kelsey Terrance McFoley, 28, Benjamin Bascom, 24, Melissa Rios Roque, Deltona, Florida Good Samaritan unknowingly stopped to help man who had been hired to kill him The killing of Carlos Cruz-Echevarria, a 60-year-old Army veteran, seemed random at first. But authorities now say it was all too deliberate. The body of Cruz-Echevarria was found Nov. 11—Veterans Day—near a disabled, stolen car on the side of a Deltona, Fla., road, the Orlando Sentinel reports. He had been shot in the head multiple times. His own truck was gone, later discovered burned some 30 miles away. This week, authorities arrested three suspects in the killing, which they now believe is connected to a murder-for- hire plot hatched to keep Cruz-Echevarria from testifying in a road rage case. Six months before he was murdered, Cruz- Echevarria honked at a vehicle that didn’t move when a traffic signal turned green. The driver of the other car—later identified as Kelsey Terrance McFoley, 28—caught up with Cruz-Echevarria and brandished a gun. Cruz-Echevarria got McFoley’s license plate number and later identified him in a police photo lineup. With a record that included 29 felony charges, per the AP, McFoley was facing serious prison time. He discovered Cruz-Echevarria’s address on a court document and, authorities say, hired Benjamin Bascom, 24, to kill the man before his Dec. 7 deposition. Driving around the area near Cruz-Echevarria’s home, authorities say, Bascom’s vehicle got stuck in a ditch. Cruz- Echevarria pulled up to help, and Bascom shot him in the head. The case went unsolved for months, and the road rage charges against McFoley were dropped. Later, though, investigators used DNA evidence and phone records to link McFoley, Bascom, and McFoley’s girlfriend, Melissa Rios Roque, to the slaying of Cruz-Echevarria. All three face first-degree murder charges, and after many years of court battles, will be eligible for the death penalty.
From: Hilla Re: Editor program Dear Webby, I need a plain text editor to edit and annotate text and simple HTML, that I can thenpaste into other programs or use as is. Thanks Hilla Dear Hilla I use NoteTab from http://notetab.com You can have dozens of documents open and shown in tabs, like the browsers do too nowadays. You can copy/paste between the documents, and to and from it's own Clipboard, and copy into spreadsheets or Writer or WORD documents, or upload as web pages. You can even save a web page, convert it to plain text, and use that for your purposes. It has, of course all the frills expected today like spell check, Find, Replace, Wordwrap on/off, and hundreds of other things. I have used NoteTab since 1997 for writing the Humor letter, and still occasionally find handy tools in it, that I have never needed before. I can highly recommend NoteTab! Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A stewardess was getting very annoyed by three little children on the plane. They had been bugging her since take- off, complaining that they were hungry or bored or tired or thirsty or needed to go to the bathroom or whatever else you could imagine a small child commenting on and complaining about. Well, the stewardess had had enough. The next time the children said that they were bored, the stewardess told them to go play outside.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Sandie for this: When I went to the doctor for my yearly physical, my blood pressure was high, my cholesterol was high, I'd gained some weight and I didn't feel so hot. My doctor said that eating right doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve my physical problems. He said, "Just think in colors. Fill your plate with bright colors of greens, yellows, reds, etc." So, I went right home and emptied an entire bag of M&Ms onto a plate, ate them and sure enough, I felt better! ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com The Night Before School Starts The reporter met the plane that brought back soldiers from their year in Iraq. He wanted to write a human interest story, and asked one soldier, "What's the first thing you'll do when you get home?" The soldier immediately replied, "Spend an hour in bed with my wife." The reporter realized he'd never get that printed, and asked, "Oh. Well, and what will you do after that ?" "Take off these stupid combat boots!" Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Sinister Sparkle Gallery: 13 Mysterious & Cursed Gemstones
___________________________________________________ A lady on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park said to her guide, "Look at all those big rocks. Wherever did they come from?" "The glaciers brought them down," said the guide. "But where are the glaciers?" The lady asked. "The glaciers," said the guide in a weary voice, "have gone back for more rocks." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A mother wanted to teach her daughter a moral lesson. She gave the little girl a quarter and a dollar for church. "Put whichever one you want in the collection plate and keep the other for yourself," she told the girl. When they were coming out of the church, the mother asked her daughter which amount she had given. "Well," said the little girl, "I was going to give the dollar, but just before the collection the man in the pulpit said that we should all be cheerful givers. I knew I'd be a lot more cheerful if I gave the quarter, so I did." ____________________________________________________

Today, September 9 in
490 B.C. The Battle of Marathon took place between the
invading Persian army and the Athenian Army. The marathon
race was derived from the events that occurred surrounding
this battle. 

1776 The second Continental Congress officially made the term
"United States", replacing the previous term "United
Colonies." 

1904 Mounted police were used for the first time in the City
of New York. 

1911 Italy declared war on the Ottoman Turks and annexed
Libya, Tripolitania, and Cyrenaica in North Africa. 

1919 The majority of Boston's police force went on strike.
The force was made up of 1,500 men. 

1919 Alexander Graham Bell and Casey Baldwin's HD-4, a
hydrofoil craft, set a world marine speed record. 

1942 Japan dropped incendiaries in an attempt to set fire to
the forests in Oregon and Washington. The forests were wet
and did not ignite. 

1943 During World War II Allied forces landed at Taranto and
Salerno. 

1948 North Korea became the People's Democratic Republic of
Korea. 

1965 French President Charles de Gaulle announced that France
was withdrawing from NATO to protest the domination of the
U.S. in the organization. 

1971 Gordie Howe of the Detroit Red Wings retired from the
National Hockey League (NHL). 

1981 Nicaragua declared a state of economic emergency and
banned strikes. 

1983 The Soviet Union announced that the Korean jetliner that
was shot down on September 1, 1983 was not an accident or an
error. 

1986 Frank Reed was taken hostage in Lebanon by pro-Iranian
kidnappers. The director of a private school in Lebanon was
released 44 months later. 

1986 Gennadiy Zakharov was indicted by a New York jury on
espionage charges. Zakharov was a Soviet United Nations
employee. 

1993 Israeli and PLO leaders agreed to recognize each other. 

1994 The U.S. agreed to accept about 20,000 Cuban immigrants
a year. This was in return for Cuba's promise to halt the
flight of refugees. 

1994 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off on an 11-day
mission. 

1997 Sinn Fein, the IRA's political ally, formally renounced
violence as it took its place in talks on Northern Ireland's
future. 

1998 Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr delivered to the U.S.
Congress 36 boxes of material concerning his investigation of
U.S. President Clinton. 

1998 Four tourists who had paid $32,500 each were taken in
submarine to view the wreckage of the Titanic. The ship is 2
miles below the Atlantic off Newfoundland. 

1999 The Sega Dreamcast game system went on sale. By 1:00pm
all Toys R Us locations in the U.S. had sold out. 

2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 100 million applications
downloaded. 

2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 1.8 billion applications
downloaded. 

2014 Apple unveiled the iPhone 6, iPhone 6 Plus, Apple Watch,
Apple Watch Sport and Apple Watch Edition. 

2018  smiled.
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Bookmarks program 




Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, September 8

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Brit faked his own KIDNAP and demanded 
that his terrified pregnant girlfriend 
wire Ł80 ransom from HIS OWN account to 
his buddy, so he could get drunk with him.

______________________________________________________
Today, September 8 in
1565 A Spanish expedition established the first permanent
European settlement in North America at present-day St.
Augustine, FL. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law? --- Dick Clark An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered. --- G. K. Chesterton ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace. "How many of you," he asked, "would say you're opposed to war?" Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked, "Who'll give us the reason for being opposed to war?" A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised his hand. "Johnny?" the teacher said. "I hate war," Johnny said, "because wars make history, and I hate History!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Today in 1975 three men were on their way in to rob the Royal Bank of Scotland at Rothesay, when they got stuck in the revolving doors. They had to be helped free by the staff and, after thanking everyone, sheepishly left the building. A few minutes later they returned and announced their intention of robbing the bank, but none of the staff believed them. When they demanded 5,000 pounds in cash, the head cashier laughed at them, convinced that it was a practical joke. Then one of the men jumped over the counter, but fell to the floor clutching his ankle. The other two tried to make their getaway, but got trapped in the revolving doors again. ______________________________________________________ Just fishing, right? _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ One day this old lady walks into the doctors office and is shown into a room. When the doctor comes in and asks what the problem is she answers, "I have awful gas, but it doesn't bother me. You see, it's completely silent, and doesn't smell at all." So the doctor, after examining her thoroughly gives her some pills and tells her to take one everyday and come back in a week. So the old lady comes back, and when the doctor asks if her problem is any better she replies, "Well I don't know what you gave me but now my gas smells terribly!" The doctor replies "Well now that we've got your sinuses cleared up let's work on your hearing!"' ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Leigh Ford, 45, Zoe Doyle, Blackpool Britain Brit faked his own KIDNAP and demanded that his terrified pregnant girlfriend wire Ł80 ransom from HIS OWN account to his buddy, so he could get drunk with him. His girlfriend earned a bonehead award too, for forgiving him. Leigh Ford told his partner Zoe Doyle his kidnappers had threatened to break his legs, cut off his genitals and throw boiling water over him Leigh Ford’s partner Zoe Doyle said she had been left frantic after receiving a call demanding ransom money The alleged kidnap sparked a major 24-hour police operation costing Ł30,000 that eventually saw Ford’s claims fall to pieces after CCTV footage showed him leaving a shop with two friends carrying booze. But incredibly, partner Zoe Doyle has forgiven Ford for the cruel hoax that saw him jailed for 16 weeks in February and miss the birth of their child. The 35-year-old, from Blackpool, said: “At first, I just thought he was winding me up. But he sounded really scared. The phone went dead and then it rang again. I could hear men shouting in the background, threatening to break Leigh’s legs and throw boiling water over him. “They were threatening to mutilate him, cut off his genitals, and I was panic-stricken.” Zoe, who was 35 weeks pregnant at the time, said: “Leigh was screaming, begging me to pay their ransom. I told him I would send everything I had in the bank, over to the account they gave me.” Zoe transferred Ł80 – all she had – into the designated account before calling police. A helicopter and trained negotiator was called in to deal with the situation that lasted through the night. It wasn’t until the early hours of the following day in January this year that Ford himself came home – and was immediately arrested, questioned and charged with wasting police time. Zoe said: “He appeared in court the following day and I was stunned when I heard the truth. I just couldn’t believe that Leigh would do that. He had wasted all those police resources. He had put me through hell. “The silly thing was, it was his own money. He could have spent it if he had wanted. It just didn’t make sense. “Leigh was full of apologies, he said his friends had put him up to it and he had thought it was a prank that wouldn’t go as far as it did. He’d had a few drinks and he got carried away. “I was absolutely furious. I felt like strangling him. He had caused so much stress and worry and it was all for nothing.” Ford, 45, admitted wasting police time and collapsed in the dock at Blackpool Magistrates’ Court as he was jailed for 16 weeks in February. But incredibly, Zoe has since forgiven her partner. She said: “He was a total idiot. I’ve made that clear to him. But it was one-off and our relationship is otherwise very strong. I know Leigh loves me and he has done his best to make things up to me.
From: Olga Re: Alternative to Bookmarks or Favorites Dear Webby, Is there a way to tag your favorites (bookmarks) so that the regularly used ones stay on top and don't get shuffled in with new ones? Thanks Olga Dear Olga There are dozens of bookmark managers available. Most are a total waste of time. Most of them have way too many features, that you will never understand or use. Two popular ones are deactivated: http://www.xmarks.com/ https://del.icio.us/ Here is one, that you might like: http://deweyapp.io/ Dewey is one of the very few, that will actually use your 17 Million old bookmarks. You can sort them by date, title, or URL. The most recently used ones are on top if you sort by date. It takes a bit of getting used to, like all of them, but you will soon find it handy. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Two women were paired together as partners in a club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time. After introductions, the first golfer asked, "What's your handicap?" "Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied. "Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that she was paired up with her. "Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Billy for this story: I was the last to leave the office one Friday evening and managed to lock myself out without my overcoat and wallet. Kneeling in a deserted hallway to try picking an electronic lock with a paper clip, I heard the seam of my suit trousers rip apart. About then I realized I needed a screwdriver to remove the lock plate, and said so, aloud. Seconds later the elevator doors next to my office opened, revealing a screwdriver in the middle of the floor. There was a crackle from the wall speaker next to the elevator. "This is security," said a voice. "There's your screwdriver. Sorry, but I don't have a needle or thread for your pants!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com The Night Before School Starts On the night before school, have your child lay his or her clothing out, have lunches and backpacks packed and a quick and easy to prepare breakfast on hand for the morning. Make sure your kids set their alarm clocks and establish an "out the door time". Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
ACat Pictures and Cat Care Resources
___________________________________________________ My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me, when I was a little boy myself, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing. One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder muscles. He said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he could. After a while he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than a full minute! Next, he started putting potatoes in the sacks. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
I took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler. On my very first call, I introduced myself, "Hello, this is a telephone poll." The man replied, "Yeeeah, and this is a street lamp!" ____________________________________________________

Today, September 8 in
1565 A Spanish expedition established the first permanent
European settlement in North America at present-day St.
Augustine, FL. 

1664 The Dutch surrendered New Amsterdam to the British, who
then renamed it New York. 

1866 The first recorded birth of sextuplets took place in
Chicago, IL. The parents were James and Jennie Bushnell. 

1893 In New Zealand, the Electoral Act 1893 was passed by the
Legislative Council. It was consented by the governor on
September 19 giving all women in New Zealand the right to vote.


1935 U.S. Senator Huey P. Long, "The Kingfish" of Louisiana
politics, was shot and mortally wounded. He died two days
later. 

1945 In Washington, DC, a bus equipped with a two-way radio was
put into service for the first time. 

1945 Bess Myerson of New York was crowned Miss America. She was
the first Jewish contestant to win the title. 

1951 A peace treaty with Japan was signed by 48 other nations
in San Francisco, CA. 

1960 NASA's Marshall Space Flight Center in Huntsville, AL, was
dedicated by U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower. The facility
had been activated in July earlier that year. 

1974 U.S. President Ford granted an unconditional pardon to
former U.S. President Nixon. 

1975 In Boston, MA, public schools began their court-ordered
citywide busing program amid scattered incidents of violence. 

1997 America Online acquired CompuServe. 

1999 Russia's Mission Control switched off the Mir space
station's central computer and other systems to save energy
during a planned six months of unmanned flights. 

2015 British researchers announced that evidence of a larger
version of Stonehenge had been located about 2 miles from the
Stonehenge location. There were 90 buried stones that had been
found by ground penetrating radar. 

2018  smiled.
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Are LED light bulbs a scam? 




Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, September 7
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Naked Intruder Arrested After Being Found 
Masturbating in Sleeping Girl’s Bedroom

______________________________________________________
Today, September 7 in
1812 Napoleon defeated the Russian army of Alexander I 
at the battle of Borodino. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty without any proof. --- Ashley Montague The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ I WAS in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the checkout line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ I WAS WAITING in line at my county clerk's office one afternoon and noticed a hand-lettered sign that read: "Any child left unattended will be given a free kitten and a large candy bar." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ I NEEDED a passport and I needed it quickly. Luckily, a sign in the passport office told me exactly how long I could expect to wait: "Allow 10 minutes for regular processing and 15 minutes for expedited processing." ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jonathan Emmanuel Ward, 21, Fontana, California Naked Intruder Arrested After Being Found Masturbating in Sleeping Girl’s Bedroom Police on Tuesday said they were searching for possible additional victims of a man accused of entering a Fontana home and masturbating in a 13-year-old girl's bedroom. Officers responded to the 14100 block of Stanislaus Court last Thursday after a resident called around 2:42 a.m. to report a male intruder in her home, according to a Fontana Police Department news release. The woman told police that a naked man went into her teen daughter's bedroom and started masturbating while she slept, the release stated. The victim woke up to find the man hovering over her and screamed, causing the suspect to flee, according to police. He ran from the girl's room, down the stairs and left the home. Officers arrived at the home within minutes, but the man was gone by then. However, they were able to obtain surveillance video from the residence that showed the naked man inside. At one point, he "looked directly into the camera and placed his finger over his lips as if signaling to be quiet," the release said, describing what some of the footage showed. Detectives quickly identified the suspect as 21-year-old Jonathan Emmanuel Ward of Fontana. He was arrested at his home in the 7000 block of Nebraska Street later that same day, authorities said. When detectives interviewed Ward, they identified other potential victims -- and believe there could be others who haven't contacted police yet, according to the release. Ward possibly focused on a dance studio in the Inland Empire, though they did not give the name or area where it was located. He allegedly "became infatuated with several young girls" at the studio, police said. The suspect is accused of targeting girls through social media, using photos posted to their accounts to figure out where they lived. "Ward would often enter the rear yards of the victim’s residence and on occasion, enter their homes when he would find an unlocked door," the release stated. He was booked into the West Valley Detention Center on suspicion of burglary, child annoyance and indecent exposure, according to inmate records. Because of a similar arrest last year in Fontana, a $1 million bail enhancement was issued. Police have scheduled a news conference for Wednesday morning where they are expected to release images and video of the suspect as they try to locate other possible victims.
From: Edoard Re: Lights Dear Webby, Not a web question, Sorry! What's the story about the LED lightbulbs? I am disenchanted with the pig tail fluorescents, that were promised to last 25 years. On my porch motion detector light, they last a year, max. And in cold weather they take forever to light up. Now they promise 25 years for the LED lightbulbs. And they are almost as expensive as the pig-tail lights were initially. Same BS? Edoard Dear Edoard The BS is the same. They are just re-using the same old propaganda, without having a clue about it. However, the good news are that the LED lights don't mind -40 at my front door, they turn on instantly when a deer or a magpie trigger the motion detector, and have been working steadily for over 2 years. One got smashed by horizontal golf ball size hail a couple of years ago, but that hail would have smashed any kind of lightbulb. If you put them into a jam-jar fixture, then they should survive horizontal hail quite nicely. So far I am quite impressed with the LED lighbulbs and use them to replace any bulb that burns out. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
SO MUCH FOR PEACE OF MIND Security and peace of mind were part of the reason we moved to a gated community. Both flew out the window the night I called a local pizza shop for a delivery. "I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza, please," I said, then gave him the address of our condominium. "We'll be there in about half an hour," the kid at the other end replied. "Your gate code is still 1238, right?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A truck driver was having lunch at a truck stop when 8 motorcyclists came in. They ate his crackers, drank his water, etc., and he made no move to object. After he left one of the group laughed and said, "He wasn't much of a man, was he?" The waitress behind the counter, looking out the window said, "He's not much of a truck driver, either. He just ran over 8 motorcycles!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Check Around Your Home's Foundation Check the grading around your house to make sure the ground is sloping away from your house and no plants or dirt is in contact with your siding. Inspect and patch any cracks in your foundation. Remove mildew with a solution of 1 part chlorine bleach to 3 parts water. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Amazing Images: The Best Science Photos of the Week
___________________________________________________ A group of young children were sitting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions. First she asked, "Davy, what noise does a cow make?" He responded, "It goes moo." The she asked, "Alice, what noise does a cat make?" Alice replied, "It goes meow." Next she asked, "Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?" Her response was, "It goes baa." Finally she questioned one last child, "Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?" She replied, "Er, it goes ... click!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Classic! This used to be an all too common service call: Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly." DearWebby: "What does it say?" Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk." DearWebby: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?" Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an intel inside. How do I get that one out? " ____________________________________________________

Today, September 7 in
1812 Napoleon defeated the Russian army of Alexander I at the
battle of Borodino. 

1813 The nickname "Uncle Sam" was first used as a symbolic
reference to the United States. The reference appeared in an
editorial in the New York's Troy Post. 

1822 Brazil declared its independence from Portugal. 

1880 George Ligowsky was granted a patent for his device that
threw clay pigeons for trapshooters. 

1888 Edith Eleanor McLean became the first baby to be placed in
an incubator. 

1896 A.H. Whiting won the first automobile race held on a
racetrack. The race was held in Cranston, RI. 

1901 China and the Eight-Nation Alliance signed the Boxer
Protocol ending the Boxer Rebellion (Boxer Uprising, Yihequan
Movement). 

1915 Johnny Gruelle received a patent for his Raggedy Ann doll.
(U.S. Patent D47789) 

1921 Margaret Gorman of Washington, DC, was crowned the first
Miss America in Atlantic City, NJ. 

1927 Philo T. Farnsworth succeeded in transmitting an image
through purely electronic means by using an image dissector. 

1930 The cartoon "Blondie" made its first appearance in the
comic strips. 

1940 London received its initial rain of bombs from Nazi
Germany during World War II. 

1942 During World War II, the Russian army counter attacked the
German troops outside the city of Stalingrad. 

1971 "The Beverly Hillbillies" was seen for the final time on
CBS-TV. 

1977 The Panama Canal treaties were signed by U.S. President
Carter and General Omar Torrijos Herrera. The treaties called
for the U.S. to turn over control of the canal's waterway to
Panama in the year 2000. 

1979 ESPN, the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network,
made its debut on cable TV. 

1983 In Ireland, voters approved a constitutional ammendment
that banned abortion. 

1984 American Express Co. issued the first of its Platinum
charge cards. 

1986 President Augusto Pinochet survived an assassination
attempt made by guerrillas. 

1986 Desmond Tutu was the first black to be installed to lead
the Anglican Church in southern Africa. 

1987 Erich Honecker became the first East German head of state
to visit West Germany. 

1989 Legislation was approved by the U.S. Senate that
prohibited discrimination against the handicapped in
employment, public accommodations, transportation and
communications. 

2018  smiled.
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65,000 search engines 




Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, September 6

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Fleeing deputies, drunk crashes truck, 
then jumps into ocean to sober up,
arrested with .214 and booze in truck

______________________________________________________
Today, September 6 in
1620 The Pilgrims left on the Mayflower from Plymouth, England 
to settle in the New World. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. [info][add][mail][note]Voltaire (1694 - 1778) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Ross for this story: Tom was in his early 50’s retired and started a second career. However, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Everyday, 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, real sharp, so the Boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day he called him into the office for a talk. "Tom, I have to tell you. I like your work ethic. You do a bang-up job, but you're being late so often is quite bothersome." "Yes, I know Boss, and I am working on it." "Well, good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though, you're coming in late. I know you're retired from the Air Force. What did they say if you came in late there?" They said, "Good morning, General." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A teen-aged boy with spiked hair, nose ring, and baggy clothes was overheard telling a friend, "I don't really like to dress like this, but it keeps my parents from dragging me everywhere with them." ______________________________________________________ Big fish, or small submarine? _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Her husband had passed on and the new widow was so distraught that she sought out a spiritualist who told her that her husband was just fine. She added further that he was eagerly awaiting a reunion with her. "Is there anything he needs ?" the distraught woman asked, between tears. The spiritualist went into a transient state, then replied, "He says he'd love a package of cigarettes." "I'll send a carton immediately." the woman said joyfully. "But did he say where I should send them ?" "No." replied the Seer somberly. "But he didn't ask for matches ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nicholas Tralka, 31, Duck Key, Florida Fleeing deputies, drunk crashes truck, then jumps into ocean to sober up, arrested with .214 and booze in truck A drunken man led Monroe County sheriff's deputies on a high- speed chase early Sunday, eventually crashing his pickup truck into the entrance sign for Duck Key and jumping into the ocean, authorities said. Deputies on a Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission boat whisked him from the water, but not before the man tried to elude authorities by hiding under a bridge, clinging to a piling, said Adam Linhardt, a spokesman for the Monroe County Sheriff's Department. After his rescue, he reportedly told deputies that the morning's events would make for "a great story" to tell his friends and family. Nicholas Tralka, 31, faces a number of charges, including driving while under the influence, causing property damage and resisting arrest. Linhardt said a deputy saw a pickup truck leave a bar along the Overseas Highway in Marathon at a high rate of speed just before 4 a.m. Before the deputy could attempt a traffic stop, Tralka slammed into a concrete median and kept going, Linhardt said. Deputies gave chase as Tralka reached speeds of more than 100 mph and swerved erratically across the northbound lanes of the Overseas Highway, Linhardt said. Deputies deployed tire spikes near mile marker 60.5 to stop the truck, but Tralka kept driving eventually crashing into a light pole and a palm tree and finally rolling into the Duck Key entrance sign, Linhardt said. When the truck finally came to a stop, Tralka bailed out of the vehicle and jumped over a nearby seawall, according to the arrest report. Deputies repeatedly called out for Tralka to stop, but he kept swimming toward Toms Harbor Channel Bridge, where he hid from authorities for about 30 minutes, the report said. A fisherman alerted deputies that Tralka was under the bridge, staying afloat by holding onto piling, the report said. Tralka eventually surrendered and was pulled aboard the FWC boat by Key Colony Beach police officers, the report said. A search of Tralka's truck found three empty 100 milliliter bottles of Fireball whiskey along with a full one, Linhardt said. Tralka told deputies that he had been drinking and got scared. "I f***ed up. I'm sorry," he told deputies, according to the arrest report. Deputies said Tralka would alternate between apologizing and bragging about his high-speed antics, the report said. Once arrested, Tralka resisted taking a blood alcohol test, saying "I'm already going to jail, so why?" the report said. When deputies tested Tralka's blood alcohol level, it was .214 -- more than double the legal limit of .08.
From: Irene Re: 65,000 Search Engines Dear Webby, I got an ad from a seemingly respectable company about submitting my site to 65,000 different search engines for $129. Is that a good deal? Irene Dear Irene How many different search engines do you use? One? Two? How many different search engines do your clients use? Search for example for recognize a spoof on Google, Bing, MSN, Yahoo. They all will show you relevant and useful answers, and there is no need to check any other search engines. In addition to that, the better search engines totally ignore submissions, especially from paid submission services. If you know of any search engine that specializes on your topic and is used by your clients, you can try submitting your site to that one. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The happy couple were being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary. The society reporter asked, "In all that time, did you ever consider a divorce?" "Oh, no, not divorce, we're too old fashioned for that," the husband replied. "Murder occasionally," the wife offered "but never divorce."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family." "Your mother's side or your father's?" Doc asked. "Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family." "Oh, come now," Doc said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?" He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organize Your Sandwich Fixings Try keeping most of your sandwich making items in a plastic basket in your refrigerator. Not only does this save multiple trips to and from opening the door each time but your kids won't require much help at snack time! By Melody Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
The Forgotten Firsts: 10 Vintage Versions of Modern Technology
___________________________________________________ "What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed. "Well, I went down to Busch Gardens on vacation and decided to take a ride on the Loch Ness Monster... As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view." "And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor. "Yes," he said sheepishly, "Remain seated at all times." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
An office technician got a call from a computer user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech concluded that her computer needed to be brought in and serviced. He told her, "Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I'll fix it for you." About ten minutes later she showed up at his door... with the electrical cord in her right hand. ____________________________________________________

Today, September 6 in
1620 The Pilgrims left on the Mayflower from Plymouth, England
to settle in the New World. 

1819 Thomas Blanchard patented a machine called the lathe. 
It had been in use for centuries, but never patented.

1837 The Oberlin Collegiate Institute of Ohio went co-
educational. 

1876 The Southern Pacific rail line from Los Angeles to San
Francisco was completed. 

1899 Carnation processed its first can of evaporated milk. 

1901 U.S. President William McKinley was shot and mortally
wounded (he died eight days later) by Leon Czolgosz. Czolgosz,
an American anarchist, was executed the following October. 

1909 Robert Peary, American explorer, sent word that he had
reached the North Pole. He had reached his goal five months
earlier. 

1939 South Africa declared war on Germany. 

1941 Jews in German-occupied areas were ordered to wear the
Star of David with the word "Jew" inscribed. The order only
applied to Jews over the age of 6. 

1944 At the end of World War II, the British government relaxed
blackout restrictions and suspended compulsory training for the
Home Guard. 

1948 Queen Juliana of the Netherlands was crowned. 

1952 In Montreal, Canadian television began broadcasting. 

1975 Martina Navratilova requested political asylum while in
New York for the U.S. Open Tennis Tournament. 

1990 Iraq warned that anyone trying to flee the country without
permission would be put in prison for life. 

1991 The State Council of the Soviet Union recognized the
independence of the Baltic states. 

1991 The name St. Petersburg was restored to Russia's second
largest city. The city was founded in 1703 by Peter the Great.
The name has been changed to Petrograd (1914) and to Leningrad
(1924). 

1992 A 35-year old man died ten weeks after receiving a
transplanted baboon liver. 

1993 Renault of France and Volvo of Sweden announced they were
merging. Volvo eventually canceled the deal the following
December. 

1995 U.S. Senator Bob Packwood was expelled by the Senate
Ethics Committee. 

2008 The Federal Housing Finance Agency (FHFA) announced that
Fannie Mae (Federal National Mortgage Association) and Freddie
Mac (Federal Home Loan Mortgage Corporation) would be placed in
government conservatorship. 

2018  smiled.
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Can Google Earth be put onto the second drive? 




Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, September 5

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Orlando man arrested for shooting up home 
after woman left negative restaurant review

______________________________________________________
Today, September 5 in
1914 The Battle of the Marne began. The Germans, British 
and French fought for six days killing half a million people.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in. --- Arlo Guthrie (1947 - ) There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid the labor of thinking. --- Thomas A. Edison A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her. --- Oscar Wilde ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Ross for bringing back this classic: A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a Priest and asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the Priest says, “My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays." The man thinks: “What does a priest know about sex?” So he goes to a Minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter. He queries the Minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath! Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority: a man of thousands of year’s tradition and knowledge. In other words, he goes to a Rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, “My son, sex is definitely play." The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?" The Rabbi softly speaks, "If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received a visit from one of her fellow church members. "How are you feeling?" the visitor asked. "Oh," said the lady, "I'm just worried sick!" "What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked. "You look like you're in good health. They are taking care of you, aren't they?" "Yes, they are taking very good care of me." "Are you in any pain?" she asked. "No, I have never had a pain in my life." "Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again. The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly explained her major worry. "Every close friend I ever had has already died and gone on to heaven. I'm afraid they're all wondering where I went." ______________________________________________________ Canopy Walk, Ghana This isn’t your average stroll through the rainforest. Suspended 40 feet in the air, visitors literally get the opportunity to walk through the trees! From birds to monkeys, it’s not just the bridge that is scary! Also you can’t just turn back and run if you get scared, the bridge is over a 1,000 feet in length! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Back in those days, it was required that in order for a student to receive credit for a particular course, a card (listing of his/her courses) had to be signed by the instructor/lecturer. It was, at the time, policy that students attend their courses. But depending on the size of the class, it was often quite possible to receive credit, even after not attending the class regularly. Not so, with this physics professor...if he didn't recognize you, you would have to repeat the course (& attend!). On one occasion, a student handed his card to be signed. The professor looked at the name, then at the student, and said, "I've never seen you in my class," and handed back the card. Now being a science student, he naturally thought quickly, and proceeded to the end of the line. When he was at the front again, he handed his card to the prof. The prof looked at the name, then at the student, and said, "You look familiar. OK," and signed the card. ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Norman Auvil 42, Orlando, Florida Orlando man arrested for shooting up home after woman left negative restaurant review A Florida man was arrested Thursday evening, 10 days after he allegedly shot up a home after one of its residents complained about an experience at a restaurant, the Orange County Sheriff's Office said. On Aug. 20, deputies were called to a home after Norman Auvil, 42, of Orlando -- riding in an SUV driven by Michael Johnson, the restaurant owner's son -- shot the home three times before Johnson drove away, according to an arrest report. The report said one of the bullets pierced a window, narrowly missing the head of Kenneth Walley, who was watching television in the living room. "I actually could feel the air from the bullet as it passed by me," Walley said. "It missed me by about 4 inches." On Aug. 19, Walley's wife, Diana Walley, had been denied service at the Daybreak Diner, so their daughter, Monica Walley, called the diner and spoke with several workers about her mother's visit, the report said. Monica Walley said that she left a negative review on Facebook after her disabled mother was denied service on her birthday. She said the restaurant workers were "unnecessarily rude." "It's my right to be able to tell others what my experience is and what happened and stand up for my mother," Monica Walley said. "I think that anybody in my shoes would have done the same thing." According to the report, Monica Walley was unsatisfied with the diner's response, so she launched a social media campaign against the diner, alleging that they mistreated her mother because of a disability. "The social media campaign resulted in negative online reviews, negative social media posts and harassing and angry phone calls to the restaurant," the report said. "The restaurant's owner, Lizabeth Johnson, later stated she felt that day that her business was ruined as a result of the negative social media campaign." Apparently she did not realize that theb reviews were based on fact. Investigators said that Michael Johnson and his girlfriend, Stephanie Knight, worked at the diner that they intended to inherit someday. The report said Knight and Michael Johnson had been driving a 2013 white Ford Flex registered to Knight's father. The SUV matched the description of the one recorded by a surveillance camera approaching the shooting scene, the report said. Investigators said Michael Johnson and Jesse Martin told them that on Aug. 20, they were drinking beer with Auvil at the home where they all live. Deputies said the men were angry about the damage to the diner's reputation and the negative social media campaign, so Martin used an internet search engine to determine Monica Walley's identity from her Facebook post and to find her address. "(Michael) Johnson drove the white Ford Flex while Martin navigated from the back passenger seat and Auvil rode in the front passenger seat," the report said. "(Michael) Johnson and Martin contend they drove to the Walley residence with the intent to harm someone (via physical fight) or to cause property damage (slashing tires or similar vandalism)." Deputies said Auvil fired the shots when Michael Johnson stopped outside the home. Investigators said the men tried to dispose of the evidence after Michael Johnson drove away. Auvil was arrested Thursday at South Bumby Avenue and Nancy Street, near the Lake Como home where the three men live, deputies said. Detectives said Auvil expressed loyalty to Michael Johnson and Knight and said he had drunk six to eight beers with his friends while discussing the issue and before going for a ride with Michael Johnson and Martin. Investigators said that although Auvil wouldn't discuss his involvement in the incident, he told them that he understands that it "looked bad" for him. Auvil, who was honorably discharged from the U.S. Army, said he drinks beer "most days," investigators said. Auvil was arrested on charges of shooting into an occupied dwelling, shooting from a vehicle within 1,000 feet of a person and abuse of a disabled adult. "I didn't think anybody was crazy enough to do something like this over something so small," Monica Walley said.
I am still testing password managers. From: Erin Re: Google Earth onto second drive Dear Webby, I trid to install Google-Earth onto my second hard drive, but it insists on going to my C: drive, where I don't have enough space. Is there a way around that bug? Erin Dear Erin Unfortunately, there isn't. The blithering moron who wrote the Google-Pack installer seems to be ignorant of the fact that 52% of computer uers have more than one hard drive. It seems that Google-Earth has been designated as a program for small children, and the install program has been simplified accordingly. They claim that they need to install your user name and prefereces in the registry and can't do that if the program is anywhere except on the C: drive. They do that fine with Gmail, but seem to refuse doing it with Google Earth. That is a pity, because I do like Google Earth. Grown-ups and advanced users have to get a second computer with enough space on the C: drive to install Google-Earth there. Yeah, I know it's rather dumb, but you can't argue with Google. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though they were a very large mammal, their throat was very small. The little girl stated Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated a whale could not swallow a human; it was impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah." The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Bob for this report: I attended Palm Beach Atlantic College in Florida. It's only about a mile from the ocean, so students frequently go to the beach, even between classes. One day I was meeting with our dean, when he stopped me in the middle of our conversation and asked if I was an "A" student. Puzzled, I replied, "Mostly, why do you ask?" "You don't have a tan," he explained. "Around here, the darker the tan, the lower the grade." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Selling Clothing at Garage Sales To get the most money for your clothing items, makes sure to wash and fold them so they look their best. Lay folded clothing out on a table so people don't have dig through your bags or a big pile. Display dresses and jackets by using hangers. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
The Forgotten Firsts: 10 Vintage Versions of Modern Technology
___________________________________________________ >From Stormy BRIDE GOES SPLASH What a beautiful wedding! Everything had been perfect. The wedding had taken place on a white sandy beach with a lake as the backdrop. It was time to take photo's The groom was a shy man who had arrived from overseas a few months ago. He had courted his bride until she finally said yes to his pleas of marriage. His family was a bit reserved as he didn't know the girl that well. However, today all was well. The bride decided she wanted to have her and her new husbands photo taken on the dock, leading out into the lake. They were posed, the groom leaned in for a kiss, over tumbled the bride, splat, into the lake. My Irishwolfhound jumped right in after her. The groom was screaming in his own language. My dog was having a horrid time trying to find the bride in the ballooning poufs of her white gown. He got to her head, grabbed on to her veil to swim to shore. Dead silence. My dog had taken her veil all right, along with a long blonde wig she wore. Her new husband along with all his relatives got a good look at what he had married. Short, stubby grey hair. It was bedlam, it was hilarious. My dog brought his prize to me, he was praised well. Someone else had jumped in and brought the sobbing bride to shore. It didn't end well. There wasn't going to be a honeymoon. The foolish groom had fallen in love, not so much with the lady, but her pretty blonde hair. Someone tied the wig and the veil to my dog's head. The poor groom was led away crying. All for blonde curls. Stormy ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf holds for men. Mary: TELL me about it! I went golfing with my ex one time, and he told me I asked too many questions! Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game. What questions did you ask? Mary: I thought I asked legitimate questions..like, "Why did you hit the ball into that lake?" ____________________________________________________

Today, September 5 in
1698 Russia's Peter the Great imposed a tax on beards. 

1774 The first session of the U.S. Continental Congress
convened in Philadelphia. The delegates drafted a declaration
of rights and grievances, organized the Continental
Association, and elected Peyton Randolph as the first president
of the Continental Congress. 

1793 In France, the "Reign of Terror" began. The National
Convention enacted measures to repress the French Revolutionary
activities. 

1836 Sam Houston was elected as the first president of the
Republic of Texas. 

1877 Sioux chief Crazy Horse was killed by the bayonet of a
U.S. soldier. The chief allegedly resisted confinement to a
jail cell. 

1881 The American Red Cross provided relief for disaster for
the first time. The disaster was the Great Fire of 1881 in
Michigan. 

1885 Jake Gumper bought the first gasoline pump to be
manufactured in the U.S. 

1900 France proclaimed a protectorate over Chad. 

1905 The Treaty of Portsmouth was signed by Russia and Japan to
end the Russo-Japanese War. The settlement was mediated by U.S.
President Theodore Roosevelt in New Hampshire. 

1914 The Battle of the Marne began. The Germans, British and
French fought for six days killing half a million people. 

1917 Federal raids were carried out in 24 cities on
International Workers of the World (IWW) headquarters. The
raids were prompted by suspected anti-war activities within the
labor organization. 

1930 Charles Creighton and James Hagris completed the drive
from New York City to Los Angeles and back to New York City all
in reverse gear. The trip took 42 days in their 1929 Ford Model
A. 

1939 The U.S. proclaimed its neutrality in World War II. 

1945 Iva Toguri D'Aquino was arrested. D'Aquino was suspected
of being the wartime radio propagandist "Tokyo Rose". She
served six years and was later pardoned by U.S. President Ford.


1953 The first privately operated atomic reactor opened in
Raleigh, NC. 

1958 The first color videotaped program was aired. It was "The
Betty Freezor Show" on WBTV-TV in Charlotte, NC. 

1958 Boris Pasternak's "Doctor Zhivago" was published for the
first time in the U.S. 

1960 Cassius Clay of Louisville, KY, won the gold medal in
light heavyweight boxing at the Olympic Games in Rome, Italy.
Clay later changed his name to Muhammad Ali. 

1977 The U.S. launched Voyager . 

1980 The St. Gotthard Tunnel opened in Switzerland. It is the
world's longest highway tunnel at 10.14 miles long. 

1982 Eddie Hill set a propeller-driven boat water speed record
when he reached 229 mph. 

1983 U.S. President Reagan denounced the Soviet Union for
shooting down a Korean Air Lines jet. Reagan demanded that the
Soviet Union pay reparations for the act that killed 269
people. 

1983 "Sports Illustrated" became the first national weekly
magazine to use four-color process illustrations on every page.


1984 The space shuttle Discovery landed after its maiden
voyage. 

1984 Mortimer Zuckerman purchased the newsmagazine, "U.S. News
& World Report" for $163 million. 

1985 Rioting in South Africa spilled into white neighborhoods
for the first time. 

1986 NASA launched DOD-1. 

1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein urged for a Holy War
against the West and former allies. 

1991 Soviet lawmakers created an interim government to usher in
the confederation after dissolving the U.S.S.R. The new name
the Union of Sovereign States was taken. 

1992 A General Motors Corporation strike ended with a new
agreement being approved. Nearly 43,000 workers were on strike,
forcing GM to shift more production overseas. 

1995 France set off an underground nuclear blast in the South
Pacific. 

2003 In London, magician David Blaine entered a clear plastic
box and then suspended by a crane over the banks of the Thames
River. He remained there until October 19 surviving only on
water. 

2018  smiled.
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Has Roboform gone bad? 




Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, September 4


>From Annie
Well, Dear Webby, I see you just couldn't break your record!Â
You said last week you have never had a Labor Day off and if
there were no Humor Letter today it would be your first.Â
Since it followed your two eye injections I thought just maybe
you might take this one off.  Had to peek though...and there
you were!  You deserve that ol' vote I cast today!  Thanks
for the laughs and info you provide, albeit through your pain.Â
God bless those ol' eyes...real good.

Annie


Thanks, Annie!


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Woman charged after attacking bus 
w. car jack, trying to run over driver

______________________________________________________
Today, September 4 in
0476 romulus augustulus, the last emperor of the western roman
empire, was deposed when odoacer proclaimed himself king of
italy. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to. --- Elvis Presley (1935 - 1977) With most men, unbelief in one thing springs from blind belief in another. --- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be. --- Socratex ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give to an old lady in the park. Her mother was touched by the child's kindness and gave her the required sum. "There you are, my dear," said the mother. "But, tell me, isn't the lady able to work any more?" "Oh yes," came the reply. "She sells candy." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Maggie has a particularly outrageous rapport with her son. He argues and fights with her all the time. Finally having had enough, she takes her son to a psychologist. After two sessions, the doctor speaks with the mother. "Madam, your son suffers from an Oedipus Complex." "Oedipus, Schmoedipus," replies Maggie, "It's all the same to me. The important thing is that he loves his mother!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: As the lone female in our household, I find that certain male habits have really begun to get on my nerves. One day, I emerged from my teenage son's bathroom completely exasperated when I bumped into my husband. "What is it with guys that they won't replace the toiler paper!" I raged. "I know." he said, nodding in agreement. "I noticed that when I was just in there." ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Mariana Silver, 20, Washington, DC Woman charged after attacking bus w. car jack, trying to run over driver A woman was caught on cell phone video smashing the window of a Greyhound bus in Northeast D.C. with a car jack before attempting to run over the bus driver with her car as he tried to stop her from fleeing the scene. According to D.C. police, the woman, who has been identified as 20-year-old Mariana Silver, of Northeast D.C., illegally passed the bus in the 1800 block of Bladensburg Road and sideswiped another driver in the process. When the driver tried to make contact with the woman, she grew irate and an argument broke out. After witnessing the accident and ensuing argument, the bus driver got involved, saying, "You're a crazy driver, you need to get off the road," according to a police report. That's when Silver got a bat from the trunk of her car and started hitting the driver's side bus window before retrieving a car jack that she used to smash the window, which is where the cell phone video picks up. In the video, the bus driver is seen standing in front and jumping on the hood of her car in an attempt to keep her from fleeing the scene. Silver then continues to drive off with the bus driver on the hood of her car until he falls off. She was eventually arrested later in the day. By that time there was no dope in her car, aside from her.
From: Carol Re: Has Roboform gone bad? Dear Webby, Two friends told me to get rid of Roboform. You used to recommend it. What is the story now? Carol Dear Carol Your friends are right! The current version of RoboForm is extremely toxic and leads to VERY VERY bad language. Try to export all your passwords to a civilized password manager NOW! RFN! RIGHT Farting NOW!!! Due to utter and complete moron malfunction Roboform is now using a Master Password, that they expect you to memorize. DUH!! What is a password manager for? Apparently nobody 'splained that to the @#$%^^& morons. Then they demand that the password be totally complicated and impossible to remember. And finally, in about a month, Roboform forgets or changes the Master Password. Due to their total moron malfunction there is no way to retrieve the Master Password. RoboForm has sent all your 1800 differfent passwords to hell, irretrievably. Many of those 1800 passwords are probably obsolete, but all the currently used ones are destroyed too. Roboform support is absolutely useless. They just tell you that you had been told to remember that impossible to remember Master Password. I even asked my friend and mentor Jerome in Idaho. You may remember how I occasionally, if somebody had a really tricky problem, that I could not solve, sent them to Jerome. Well, it turns out that Jerome was cussing too and loading his big gun. So I searched and tested the available password managers. I am still testing. Roboform is out. Dashlane is out. Same brain-dead concept. I will keep testing until I find a password manager that I can recommend. In the meantime, try to back up your passwords, and if possible, export them to a CSV file at a place, that you can find again. You will need it to import your passwords when I finde one, that is worth the hassle. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately she began flirting at him and and flattering him outrageously. He liked the young lady, but he was taken a bit aback by her fast and ardent pitch. He was really amazed when after 30 minutes she seriously proposed marriage. "Look," he said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other." "You're wrong," the young lady declared. "For the past 5 years I've been working in the back office at the bank where you have your account. I know all I ned to know about you."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A bright young Scottish lad named Shamus had the opportunity to go to university in London. So he packed his bags and said good-bye to his mother and left the highlands for the big city. After the first week his mother called to see how her boy was holding up. "I love it here Mother," Shamus told her, "but these English students are the oddest people ever! Why the boy who lives in the dormitory room next to me bangs his head against the wall until midnight every night. And the boy in the room above me stomps around until midnight every night. And the boy right below me blasts his stereo until midnight every night." "Why don't you complain to the Dean of students?" asks his mother. "Well, it doesn't bother me much," answers Shamus. "I'm usually up until that time quietly practising my bagpipes anyway." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bring Your Own Beverages If you are in the habit of purchasing beverages or snacks from vending machines at work or school, consider buying cases of drinks and snacks so you can bring your own. Vending machines usually charge double what grocery stores do. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Some of the best of People Are wesome!
___________________________________________________ Ever consider what pets must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul - chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A Chicago salesman on a business trip to Boston had a few hours to kill before catching a plane home. Remembering an old friend's advice to try some broiled scrod, a favorite fish in Boston, he hopped into a cab and asked the driver, "Say, do you know where I could get scrod around here?" The driver replied, "Pal, I've heard that question a thousand times, but this is the first time, ever, in the passive pluperfect subjunctive." ____________________________________________________

Today, September 4 in
0476 Romulus Augustulus, the last emperor of the western Roman
Empire, was deposed when Odoacer proclaimed himself King of
Italy. 

1609 British navigator Henry Hudson began exploring the island
of Manhattan. 

1781 Los Angeles, CA, was founded by Spanish settlers. The
original name was "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora La Reina de Los
Angeles de Porciuncula," which translates as "The Town of the
Queen of Angels." 

1825 New York Governor Clinton ceremoniously emptied a barrel
of Lake Erie water in the Atlantic Ocean to consummate the
"Marriage of the Waters" of the Great Lakes and the Atlantic. 

1833 Barney Flaherty answered an ad in "The New York Sun" and
became the first newsboy/paperboy at the age of 10. 

1882 Thomas Edison's Pearl Street electric power station began
operations in New York City. It was the first display of a
practical electrical lighting system. 

1885 The Exchange Buffet opened in New York City. It was the
first self-service cafeteria in the U.S. 

1886 Geronimo, and the Apache Indians he led, surrendered in
Skeleton Canyon in Arizona to Gen. Nelson Miles. 

1888 George Eastman registered the name "Kodak" and patented
his roll-film camera. The camera took 100 exposures per roll. 

1894 A strike in New York City by 12,000 tailors took place to
protest sweatshops. 

1899 An 8.3 earthquake hit Yakutat Bar, AK. 

1917 The American expeditionary force in France suffered its
first fatalities in World War I. 

1921 The first police broadcast was made by radio station WIL
in St. Louis, MO. 

1923 The first American dirigible, the "Shenandoah," began its
maiden voyage in Lakehurst, NJ. 

1944 During World War II, British troops entered the city of
Antwerp, Belgium. 

1948 The Dutch Queen Wilhelmina left her throne for health
reasons. 

1949 The longest pro tennis match in history was played when
Pancho Gonzales and Ted Schroeder played 67 games in five sets.


1951 The first live, coast-to-coast TV broadcast took place in
the U.S. The event took place in San Francisco, CA, from the
Japanese Peace Treaty Conference. It was seen all the way to
New York City, NY. 

1957 The Arkansas National Guard was ordered by Governor Orval
Faubus to keep nine black students from going into Little
Rock's Central High School. 

1957 The Ford Motor Company began selling the Edsel. The car
was so unpopular that it was taken off the market after only
two years. 

1967 "Gilligan's Island" aired for the last time on CBS-TV. It
ran for 98 shows. 

1967 Michigan Gov. George Romney said during a TV interview
that he had undergone "brainwashing" by U.S. officials while
visiting Vietnam in 1965. 

1972 Swimmer Mark Spitz captured his seventh Olympic gold medal
in the 400-meter medley relay event at Munich, Germany. Spitz
was the first Olympian to win seven gold medals. 

1981 The Soviet Union began war games with about 100,000 troops
on the Polish border. 

1983 U.S. officials announced that there had been an American
plane, used for reconnaissance, in the vicinity of the Korean
Air Lines flight that was shot down. 

1986 South African security forces halted a mass funeral for
the victims of the riot in Soweto. 

1989 A reconnaissance satellite was released by the Air Force's
Titan Three rocket. The Titan Three set over 200 satellites
into space between 1964 and 1989. 

1993 Pope John Paul II started his first visit to the former
Soviet Union. 

1993 Jim Abbott (New York Yankees) pitched a no-hitter. Abbott
had been born without a right hand. 

1995 The Fourth World Conference on Women was opened in
Beijing. There were over 4,750 delegates from 181 countries in
attendance. 

1998 In Mexico, bankers stopped approving personal loans and
mortgages. 

1998 The International Monetary Fund approved a $257 million
loan for the Ukraine. 

1998 Google was incorporated as a privately held company. 

1998 While in Ireland, U.S. President Clinton said the words
"I'm sorry" for the first time about his affair with Monica
Lewinsky and described his behavior as indefensible. 

1999 The United Nations announced that the residents of East
Timor had overwhelmingly voted for independence from Indonesia
in a referendum held on August 30. In Dili, pro-Indonesian
militias attacked independence supporters, burned buildings,
blew up bridges and destroyed telecommunication facilities. 

2003 Keegan Reilly, 22, became the first parapalegic climber to
reach the peak of Japan's Mount Fuji. 

2018  smiled.
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Filter for U-Tube spoofs 




Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, September 3

Thank You, Wes!!!

I wonder if Pelousi or Mad Maxine will get as many Democrats 
at their funeral as traitor McCain did?

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Florida couple built drive-thru window 
at mobile home to sell heroin and fentanyl

______________________________________________________
Today, September 3 in
1939 British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain, in a radio
 broadcast, announced that Britain and France had declared 
 war on Germany and started WWII. 
 Germany had invaded Poland on September 1. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
We all have strength enough to endure the misfortunes of others. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) Let him that would move the world, first move himself." --- Socrates ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two little boys were looking for a way to cool off on a hot summer day. Their dad wouldn't let them play in the sprinkler because he was mowing the lawn, so the boys set out to find a way to get wet and cool without getting into trouble. They sat on the curb brainstorming the solution, when suddenly one of them jumped up and declared, "I know! Lets get baptized!" Well, both boys had seen enough to know that you can get wet at a baptism, so they trotted on down to the church on the corner and told the pastor they wanted to get baptized. The irritated pastor finally relented after about 10 minutes of begging, and he finally dragged the boys to the men's room and dunked them both head first into the toilet, then sent them on their way. The boys sat on the curb, slightly disappointed with the whole adventure, when one of them asked the other, "Hey, what religion are we now?" "I don't know," replied the other. "If we were Baptists, he would have filled up the big tub and dunked our whole body like he did for Uncle Jim, and if we were Catholic, he would have poured it on our heads from a pitcher..." They sat and thought about it for a while longer when the first one said in a small voice, "Since he stuck our head in the toilet, I think that it means that we're 'pisscapalian." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ This Lady needed her bedroom painted. She called a painter to paint it for her. He came and painted it a beautiful color. She was so proud of it. That night her husband came home, and she said, "Look honey, what a beautiful room." The husband, being tired, leaned his hand against the wall and told her how pretty it was, but the paint, still being wet, smeared a little. The lady was rather upset that he had smeared the wall. The next day, the painter comes over to get paid, and the lady says, "Oh, you must come in and see where my husband put his hand last night." The painter replied, "Sorry, I can't do that, lady, but I will split a beer with you." ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by William Parrish Jr. ,32, McKenzee Dobbs, 20, Ocala, Florida Florida couple built drive-thru window at mobile home to sell heroin and fentanyl A Florida couple was arrested last week after they were caught allegedly selling drugs out of a drive-thru window they constructed out of the side of their mobile home. William Parrish Jr. and McKenzee Dobbs of Ocala, Florida, were arrested on August 23 after investigators raided their mobile home following reports of four drug overdoses in the area, WFTV reported. Ocala Police said the couple had turned a kitchen window into a drive-thru so customers would not have to constantly enter and exit their home, potentially drawing unwanted attention, WFTV reported. The house had signs directing people where to drive and indicated whether it was open or closed, police said. “We were seeing some overdose incidents that were happening in this particular area, specifically at this particular location,” said Ocala Police Capt. Steven Cuppy. “There [were] some heroin sales that were going on there. Subsequently, through the investigation, we were able to determine that product was laced with fentanyl.” Parrish, 32, was charged with driving under the influence, keeping a dwelling used to sell drugs, possession of drugs with intent to sell and resisting arrest without violence, according to Marion County Sheriff’s Office inmate records. Dobbs, 20, has been charged with keeping a dwelling used to sell drugs, possession of drugs with intent to sell, possession of fentanyl and possession of fentanyl with intent to sell, court records show. William Parrish Sr. told WFTV his son had been “trying to get himself straightened out” and maintained reports of overdoses were a “lie.” Ocala is located inland, about 66 miles west of Daytona Beach.
From: Dani Re: Filter for U-Tube spoofs Dear Webby, How do I filter out crap like this? I KNOW I am not on any video, and since the barbecue blew up this spring, I am not even on any photo! I am actually contemplating becoming a muslim until my hair grows back. :( In addition to that, MailWasher tells me that it is linking to somewhere else. Here is a typical example: === this i not good. If this video gets to her husband your both dead. see for yourself... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQrTPGpMziX [links to 74.132.117.201/] === I am sure you get them too. How do you filter them? Dani Dear Dani I had to root around the restore bin to find an example. The same 7BIT filter that I described before, also gets this type of virus generated spam. IF the entire header contains 7BIT, then delete, without warning. They fly right by, straight to hell, unseen by anybody, except when you send me to check the restore bin. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A customer at Greenbaum's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence. "Tell me, Greenbaum, what makes you so smart?" "I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Greenbaum replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant." "You sell them here?" the customer asks. "Only $4 apiece," says Morris. The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter. "You didn't eat enough, " says Greenbaum. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry. "Hey, Greenbaum," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I just found out I can buy the whole fish for $2. You're ripping me off!" "You see?" says Morris. "You're smarter already."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day he called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens." "What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff. "I don't care, just do something about those drivers." So the next day he had the county go out and put up a sign that said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING. Three days later the farmer called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing sign seems to make them go faster." So, again, the sheriff sends out the county and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY. And that really sped them up. So the farmer called and called and called everyday for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Is it all right for me to put up my own sign?" The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign." He was going to let the farmer do just about anything in order to have him stop calling. Well, the sheriff got no more calls from the farmer. Three weeks after the farmers last call, the sheriff decided to call him. "How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?" "Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." And he hung up the phone. The sheriff thought to himself, "I'd better go to that farmer's house and look at that sign... There might be something there that WE could use to slow down drivers..." So the sheriff drove out to the farmer's house, and he saw the sign. It was a whole sheet of plywood. And written in large yellow letters on bright red background were the words: SLOW: NUDIST COLONY. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Applying Stain To Wood Sand wood and remove any dust before staining. A clean, used pair pantyhose works well for applying stain to wood. The nylon provides an even coat and doesn't leave behind any lint. Wear rubber gloves and old clothes. It usually takes at least two coats to get a uniform look. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Be aware of this plant, it's very dangerous.
___________________________________________________ For his wife's birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription: "You are not getting older. You are just getting better." Asked how he wanted the message arranged, he said, "Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top and 'You are just getting better' at the bottom." It wasn't until the good doctor was ready to serve the cake that he discovered that the cake read: "YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP. YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sandie for this update from Florida IT'S SO HOT and DRY IN FLORIDA. .... the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground .....the trees are whistling for the dogs. .....the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance. .... hot water now comes out of both taps. .....you can make sun tea instantly. .....you learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron. .....the temperature drops below 95 F (35 C) and you feel the icy breeze. .....you discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car. .....you discover that you can get sunburned through your car window. .....you actually burn your hand opening the car door. .....you break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. .....your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?" .....you realize that asphalt has a liquid state. .....the potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter. (in the garden) .....the cows are giving evaporated milk. .....people are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs. (in the country) .....you can't fry eggs on the tank of your bike, if they got hard boiled in the carton on the way across the parking lot. .....the hot air from the Algorians provides a welcome cooling breeze. ____________________________________________________

Today, September 3 in
1189 England's King Richard I was crowned in Westminster. 

1783 The Revolutionary War between the U.S. and Great
Britain ended with the Treaty of Paris. 

1833 The first successful penny newspaper in the U.S., "The
New York Sun," was launched by Benjamin H. Day. 

1935 Sir Malcolm Campbell became the first person to drive
an automobile over 300 miles an hour. He reached 304.331 MPH
on the Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah. 

1939 British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain, in a radio
broadcast, announced that Britain and France had declared
war on Germany and started WWII. 
Germany had invaded Poland on September 1. 

1943 After Italy had switched sides, Italy was invaded by
the Allied forces during World War II. 

1954 "The Lone Ranger" was heard on radio for the final time
after 2,956 episodes over a period of 21 years. 

1967 Nguyen Van Thieu was elected president of South Vietnam
under a new constitution. 

1967 In Sweden, motorists stopped driving on the left side
of the road and began driving on the right side. 

1976 The U.S. spacecraft Viking 2 landed on Mars. The
unmanned spacecraft took the first close-up, color photos of
the planet's surface. 

1981 Egypt arrested more than 1,500 opponents of the
government. 

1986 Peat Marwick International and Klynveld Main Goerdeler
of the Netherlands agreed to merge and form the world’s
largest accounting firm. 

1989 The U.S. began shipping military aircraft and weapons,
worth $65 million, to Columbia in its fight against drug
lords. 

1994 Russia and China announced that they would no longer be
targeting nuclear missiles or using force against each
other. 

1999 Mario Lemieux's ownership group officially took over
the National Hockey League's Pittsburgh Penguins. Lemieux
became the first player in the modern era of sports to buy
the team he had once played for. 

2013 Hunters in Mississippi caught a 727-pound alligator. 

2018  smiled.
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Hiberfil.sys 




Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, August 30
By the time you read this, I will be on the way to Calgary
for injections into my eyeballs. Ouch and Ouch.
Darren, a neighbor, will drive me back afterwards.

There won't be any newsletters or emails sent out on
Friday, Saturday or Sunday. 

Monday is Labor Day. Come to think of it, I have NEVER in
my life had Labor Day off. Extra pay for working on Labor
Day, sure, but never had Labor Day off. So, if there is no
newsletter in your mail on Monday, I will celebrate my
first Labor Day!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Mexifornia Man Accused of Serial 
Dining-and-Dashing, Leaving Dates 
to Pay, Faces Multiple Felonies

______________________________________________________
Today, August 30 in
1645 American Indians and the Dutch made a peace treaty at
New Amsterdam. New Amsterdam later became known as New
York. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person. --- Ethel Mumford ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Well, times are changing. Twenty years ago, if I told a woman that I wanted to google her Wiki with my Palm Pilot, she would probably have either slapped or kissed me. Today she'll offer to guide me in. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this story: A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag... "Darn!" says the little old lady....."I' d better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!" "Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?" "Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the fence, I say: $20 or off it comes!" "Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?" "Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "Macho" and went out walking with one of the hired hands. Walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried to impress the ranch hand and started a conversation. "Say, look at that big bunch of cows." The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd'." "Heard what?" "Herd of cows." "Sure, I've heard of cows. There's a big bunch of 'em right over there!" ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Paul Guadalupe Gonzales, 45 Pasadena, Mexifornia Mexifornia Man Accused of Serial Dining-and-Dashing, Leaving Dates to Pay, Faces Multiple Felonies A man criticized as the “dine-and-dash dater” after being accused of meeting women at restaurants across the Los Angeles area only to leave them with the bill pleaded not guilty to charges of theft and extortion on Monday, prosecutors said. Paul Guadalupe Gonzales, 45, allegedly connected with a string of women through dating apps and websites and invited them out to dinner between May 2016 and this April with the intent of using them as a meal ticket, the L.A. County District Attorney’s Office said in a release. He arranged dates at restaurants in Pasadena, Long Beach, Burbank and Los Angeles, where he ordered and consumed food and drinks, then disappeared before the bill had been paid, the DA’s office said. Eight women told prosecutors they’d footed the bill, one of them under the belief that Gonzales would pay her back. And at least twice, the restaurant paid its own check — making those businesses victims in the criminal complaint, officials said. In total, Gonzales is accused of defrauding the women of more than $950. Expecting big city women's libbers to pay for dinner is of course considered quite naughty! He’s also charged with receiving hair salon services, then leaving before paying. Investigators obtained an arrest warrant for Gonzales on July 3, and inmate records show he was taken into custody Saturday, Aug. 25, in Pasadena. He was subsequently charged with seven counts of extortion, two counts of attempted extortion and one count of grand theft — all felonies. He also faces two misdemeanor counts each of defrauding an innkeeper and petty theft. If convicted as charged, the defendant could spend up to 13 years in state prison, prosecutors said. Gonzales is scheduled to return to court in Pasadena for a preliminary hearing on Sept. 7.
From: Leanne Re: hiberfil.sys Dear Webby, I got this huge file called hiberfil.sys, and it's fragmented so badly that even DisKeeper can't do anything about it. Actually, it's the only fragmented file it shows on the C: drive. Is there a way to get rid of it? Leanne Dear Leanne hiberfil.sys is just a snapshot of what you got open and running, what Windows will return to when it wakes up from hibernating. If you get rid of, or move hiberfil.sys then Windows has nothing to return to when you get back from lunch. That is why DisKeeper won't touch it. The only safe way to get rid of hiberfil.sys is to turn of Hibernation. Go to Control Panel Power Hibernation Apply Then reboot. The file is gone. Now tell Diskeeper to do a defrag and snug everything up. You will wind up with a lean and mean and fast C: drive with zero fragments. After that, you can turn hibernation on again. It's a good idea to do that once or twice a year. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head with the cast iron frying pan. "I found a piece of paper in your pant pocket with the name "Marylou" written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation." "Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on." The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again. "What was that for?" he complained. "Your dog called last night."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?" The girl says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you." The guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shopping By The Seasons By preparing meals with foods that are in season you can save a lot of money. Other seasonal deals to look for are meat sales around the holidays. Some examples are hot dogs before the 4th of July and specialty meats like ham or turkey for Easter, Thanksgiving or Christmas. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Be aware of this plant, it's very dangerous.
___________________________________________________ Supposedly a true story, but it sounds like an Urban Legend. A British doctor examining a young woman with abdominal pains asked her if she was sexually active. She said that she wasn't. A later examination showed that she was pregnant. Asked why she said that she was not sexually active, the woman replied: I'm not, I just lie there. When asked if she knew who the father was, with a puzzled look she replied, "No. Who?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
The church next door welcomes all denominations, but mainly they prefer tens and twenties. ____________________________________________________

Today, August 30 in
1146 European leaders outlawed the crossbow. The Swiss
disagreed and even put the cross bow onto their coat of
arms and flag. They soundly defeated the Empire army of
armored knights. Their tin suits were no match for cross
bows. 

1645 American Indians and the Dutch made a peace treaty at
New Amsterdam. New Amsterdam later became known as New
York. 

1682 William Penn sailed from England and later established
the colony of Pennsylvania in America. 

1780 General Benedict Arnold secretly promised to surrender
the West Point fort to the British army. 

1809 Charles Doolittle Walcott first discovered fossils
near Burgess Pass. He named the site Burgess Shale after
nearby Mt. Burgess. 

1862 The Confederates defeated Union forces at the second
Battle of Bull Run in Manassas, VA. 

1905 Ty Cobb made his major league batting debut with the
Detroit Tigers. 

1928 The Independence of India League was established in
India. 

1941 During World War II, the Nazis severed the last
railroad link between Leningrad and the rest of the Soviet
Union. 

1945 General Douglas MacArthur set up Allied occupation
headquarters in Japan. 

1951 The Philippines and the United States signed a defense
pact. 

1956 In Louisianna, the Lake Pontchartrain Causeway opened.


1960 A partial blockade was imposed on West Berlin by East
Germany. 

1963 The "Hotline" between Moscow and Washington, DC, went
into operation. 

1965 Thurgood Marshall was confirmed by the U.S. Senate as
a Supreme Court justice. Marshall was the first black
justice to sit on the Supreme Court. 

1982 P.L.O. leader Yasir Arafat left Beirut for Greece. 

1983 The space shuttle Challenger blasted off with Guion S.
Bluford Jr. aboard. He was the first black American to
travel in space. 

1984 The space shuttle Discovery lifted off for the first
time. On the voyage three communications satellites were
deployed. 

1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan, and several others, were
inducted into the Sportscasters Hall of Fame. 

1991 The Soviet republic of Azerbaijan declared its
independence. 

1994 Rosa Parks was robbed and beaten by Joseph Skipper.
Parks was known for her refusal to give up her seat on a
bus in 1955, which sparked the civil rights movement. 

1994 The largest U.S. defense contractor was created when
the Lockheed and Martin Marietta corporations agreed to a
merger. 

1996 An expedition to raise part of the Titanic failed when
the nylon lines being used to raise part of the hull
snapped. 

1999 The residents of East Timor overwhelmingly voted for
independence from Indonesia. The U.N. announced the result
on September 4. 

2002 Conoco Inc. and Phillips Petroleum merged to create
ConocoPhillips. The new company was the third largest
integrated energy company and the second largest refining
company in the U.S. 

2018  smiled.
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Underline shortcut letters 




Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, August 29

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

A Kansas City woman arrested for 
letting men rape her 2-year-old daughter.

______________________________________________________
Today, August 29 in
1886 In New York City, Chinese Ambassador Li Hung-chang's
chef invented chop suey. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Never judge a book by its movie. --- J. W. Eagan ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The gynecologist complimented the young woman on his examination table. "Go home and tell your husband to prepare for a baby." "But I don't have a husband," the girl replied. "Then, go home and tell your lover." "But I don't have a lover. I've never had a lover!" "In that case," the doctor sighed, "go home and tell your mother to prepare for the second coming of Christ." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A programmer, an accountant and a lawyer are all standing around at a party discussing if it's better to have a wife or a girlfriend. The accountant says, "A girlfriend! No commitments, no hassles. When you get tired, you just move on." The lawyer says, "One needs a wife. That way you have a representative; an extension of yourself at important gatherings with influential people". The programmer says, "You're both wrong. You need a wife AND a girlfriend. That way the wife thinks you're with the girlfriend; the girlfriend thinks you're with the wife and all the while you're at the office creating programs!" ______________________________________________________ Phoning and eating while driving _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ During a baseball game, a woman kept shouting threats at the umpire. No matter what happened on the field, she continuously yelled, "Kill the umpire!" This went on for an hour. Finally, another fan called out, "Lady, the umpire hasn't done anything wrong!" "Hey," she yelled back, "How would you know? That's my husband, not yours!" ------------------- out of Atlanta comes this comment: Americans should be ashamed ! We've eaten so many billions of Buffalo wings, that many kids today...have never seen a buffalo fly. ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Azzie Watson, 25 Independe3nce, Missoury A Kansas City woman arrested for letting men rape her 2-yr-old daughter. A Kansas City woman has been charged with letting men rape her 2-year-old daughter. Twenty-five-year-old Azzie Watson, of Independence, was charged Tuesday with child abuse and endangerment. Bond is set at $75,000. No attorney is listed for her in online court records. WDAF-TV reports that court documents say Watson's boyfriend recorded Watson talking about repeatedly taking her daughter to a house where her daughter was raped about five times. She says on the recording that she watched. Police were given the recording last month while responding to a rape report at a hospital. Court documents say Watson told detectives that what she said in the recording was a lie because she was scared of her boyfriend. Watson also claimed she didn't know how her daughter contracted a sexually transmitted disease.
From Crystal Re: Underlined shortcut letters Dear Webby, I have used the underlined letters in menus as short-cut keys for ages. Now my cute but rather klutzy hubby did a whole lot of changes and somehow disabled them. He does not remember which of the dozens of changes he made could have caused that. We use W7. Help! Crystal Dear Crystal Open Control Panel / Ease of Access Center / Make the Keyboard easier to use. This option is at the bottom of the window. Underline keyboard shortcuts and access keys. Checkmark that and OK out of there. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A friend mentioned tying her dog to a table leg and the dog dragging the table. That reminded me of a similar experience: I will always remember one eveing in 75, when I chained two of my sled dogs, pure-bred mutts, to the welded on eye bolts on opposite ends of the step bumper on my Ford Pick- up, while I went into the McRae truck stop on the Alaska Highway to eat. When they spotted a blackbear sauntering across the parking lot, they both took off after it like bullets. The 3/8" tow chain I had used, was stronger than the "slighlty" rusty bumper bolts, and with the bumper clattering along behind them, they went after the bear. The poor bear had probably never been that scared before in it's life, and remembered how he used to climb trees as a pup. He went up a telphone pole faster than a lineman three minutes before quitting time. I have been VERY choosy about what I tie dogs to ever since.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room said, "Yeah, right." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Repairing Holes in Wood Use a mixture of wood glue and sawdust to fill holes in wood furniture or molding. If you can use sawdust from the same wood, or something similar, the repair will be less noticeable when you stain it. Be very careful in your selection of glue! Most modern carpenter's glues will shed stain lilke butter sheds water. Use the finest sanding dust that you can get by sanding the back of the same wood, and make glue with regular, unbleached flour and water. Pour or smear some of it into the hole, then mix the rest with the sanding dust and tamp the mixture into the hole. Tamp it very hard and a bit higher than the surrounding wood, and let it dry overnight or longer. After sanding it, it will blend in nicely, and take a stain just like real wood. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Five unusual circular buildings.
___________________________________________________ There was this man who, many years ago, worked for a large business. That was his lifetime employment, but he wasn't happy there. He wanted to go in business for himself. He saved his money and finally had enough that he could quit and start his own business. About two years later, I was on vacation and was going through the town where his business was located. I stopped by for a visit. "Hey John, I heard that the first year is the hardest for a new business." "Yeah, the first year was pretty rough, but we are doing pretty good now. In fact, I'm getting to where I only have to work half a day." "Wow, that's pretty nice. Maybe I should think about going into business for myself." "Yeah, and the nicest part of it is that it doesn't matter which twelve hours you work." ---------- I am not that far yet, but 18 hours is better than 20 hours! ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
>From Erin: As I was dropping off my son at his daycare the other day, I overheard some of the other children talking about their siblings. "My brother takes karate lessons," bragged one little boy. "My sister takes gymnastics," said another. Not to be outdone, the littlest child in the group piped up. "My sister takes antibiotics!" ____________________________________________________

Today, August 29 in
1828 A patent was issued to Robert Turner for the self-
regulating wagon brake. 

1833 The "Factory Act" was passed in England to settle
child labor laws. 

1842 The Treaty of Nanking was signed by the British and
the Chinese. The treaty ended the first Opium War and gave
the island of Hong Kong to Britain. 

1885 The first prizefight under the Marquis of Queensberry
Rules was held in Cincinnati, OH. John L. Sullivan defeated
Dominick McCaffery in six rounds. 

1886 In New York City, Chinese Ambassador Li Hung-chang's
chef invented chop suey. 

1892 Pop (Billy) Shriver (Chicago Cubs) caught a ball that
was dropped from the top of the Washington Monument in
Washington, DC. 

1944 During the continuing celebration of the liberation of
France from the Nazis, 15,000 American troops marched down
the Champs Elysees in Paris. 

1945 U.S. General Douglas MacArthur left for Japan to
officially accept the surrender of the Japanese. 

1949 At the University of Illinois, a nuclear device was
used for the first time to treat cancer patients. 

1957 Senator Strom Thurmond of South Carolina set a
filibuster record in the U.S. when he spoke for 24 hours
and 18 minutes. 

1962 The lower level of the George Washington Bridge
opened. 

1965 Gemini 5, carrying astronauts Gordon Cooper and
Charles ("Pete") Conrad, splashed down in the Atlantic
Ocean after eight days in space. 

1983 Two U.S. marines were killed in Lebanon by the militia
group Amal when they fired mortar shells at the Beirut
airport. 

1983 The anchor of the USS Monitor, from the U.S. Civil
War, was retrieved by divers. 

1991 The Communist Party in the Soviet Union had its bank
accounts frozen and activities were suspended because of
the Party's role in the failed coup attempt against Mikhail
Gorbachev. 

1991 The republics of Russia and Ukraine signed an
agreement to stay in the Soviet Union. 

1992 The U.N. Security Council agreed to send troops to
Somalia to guard the shipments of food. 

1994 Mario Lemieux announced that he would be taking a
medical leave of absence due to fatigue, an aftereffect of
his 1993 radiation treatments. He would sit out the
National Hockey Leagues (NHL) 1994-95 season. 

2004 India test-launched a nuclear-capable missle able to
carry a one-ton warhead. The weapon had a range of 1,560
miles.

2018  smiled.
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Printing photos 




Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, August 28

Thank you, Andy!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award:
Las Vegas mother separated from kids
after she was arrested for murder

______________________________________________________
Today, August 28 in
1830 "The Tom Thumb" was demonstrated in Baltimore, MD. It
was the first passenger-carrying train of its kind to be
built in America. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn. --- Albert Camus (1913 - 1960) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ As soon as she had finished convent school, a bright young girl named Lena shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and made her way to New York where before long, she became a successful performer in show business. Eventually she returned to her home town for a visit and on a Saturday night went to confession in the church where she had always attended as a child. In the confessional Father Sullivan recognized her and began asking her about her work. She explained that she was an acrobatic dancer, and he wanted to know what that meant. She said she would be happy to show him the kind of thing she did on stage. She stepped out of the confessional and within sight of Father Sullivan, she went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits, handsprings and back flips. Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two middle- aged ladies. They witnessed Lena's acrobatics with wide eyes, and one said to the other, "Will you just look at the penance Father Sullivan is givin' out this night, and me without me bloomers on!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee when she spotted a charming little farmhouse with a hand- lettered "For Sale" sign out front. After briskly introducing herself and her associate to the startled occupant, the agent cruised from room to room, opening closets and cupboards, testing faucets, and pointing out where a "new light fixture here and a little paint there" would help. Pleased with her assertiveness, the woman was hopeful that the owner would offer her the listing. "Ma'am," the man said, "I appreciate the home-improvement tips and all, but I think you read my sign wrong. It says, 'HORSE for sale.'" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ On a long drive from Virginia, I thought I was traveling at a reasonable speed, but the flashing blue lights in my rear-view mirror made me realize that I'd been over the limit. I handed the officer my license and made small talk while my wife dug through the glove compartment for the registration. "I'm usually very careful about my speed," I told him as my wife handed me the paperwork. The officer studied it and then gave it back. "Sir," he said gruffly, "this is not your registration." It was a warning ticket I had received for speeding in South Carolina. ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Juwuan Terry, 18, Jason Epeards, 18, Jasean Dale, 19, Indianapolis, Indiana Las Vegas mother separated from kids after she was arrested for murder Police arrested a Las Vegas mother after investigators searching for a missing toddler found the body of a young girl in a duffel bag at the woman’s apartment Thursday night, authorities said. Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department Homicide Lt. Ray Spencer said the girl was reported missing just before 9 p.m. on the 6800 block of East Lake Mead Boulevard near Hollywood Boulevard. According to initial reports, the mother, identified as 29- year-old Aisha Thomas, was walking to Albertson’s with her four children and was on the phone when one of her kids wandered off and went missing, Las Vegas television station KVVU reported. Detectives from Metro police’s Missing Persons Detail responded and began searching the neighborhood. Detectives set up a command post in the parking lot of the Albertson’s for additional resources, Spencer said. Meanwhile, officers began looking for the girl inside Thomas’s apartment, but they were unable to find the child at first. Officers then conducted a second search since Thomas’s story began showing inconsistencies, according to Spencer. During the second search, police noticed a heavy duffel bag inside the master bedroom’s closet that was “emitting a mildew smell.” They found garbage bags when they opened the duffel bag, Spencer said. They opened the bags and found the body of the missing 3-year-old. Thomas was arrested on suspicion of murder, Las Vegas police said. The other three children were placed in the care of Child Protective Services. According to Spencer, police believe the girl was killed within the last three days. Four days ago, the girl’s father had been arrested after a domestic violence call was placed, according to Spencer.
From: Anton Re: Printng photos Dear Webby, When I try to print pictures, they don't come out anywhere near as good as the samples they had at the store and claimed they had printed with that kind of printer. Did they use prints from a different printer or am I doing something wrong? Anton Dear Anton Most likely they used the most expensive photo paper. They also probably used a picture formatted for 300 or more pixels per inch. If you save a picture off a browser, it will be 72 pixels per inch. That is a huge difference in the number of dots on a picture. If you use JPG format and any amount of compression, then you also lose picture quality very quickly. JPG compression is for sending pictures to your aunt on her slow dial-up, but not for printing. If you want a nice print, set the compression to 1. Watch the file size, though! For example, a picture of the "Eye Of God" (Helix nebula) off the browser might be 30 KB on some sites that use compression, 250 KB on mine at Eye Of God 800 x 600, but if you use the original, sized to 10" x 7.5" at 320 DPI, it's over 2.5 MB. In summary, use good paper, good ink, 300 or more DPI, and absolutely no compression in any step between camera and printer. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The college football player knew his way around the locker room better than he did the library, so when my husband's co-worker saw the gridiron star roaming the stacks of books looking confused, she asked how she could help. "I have to read a play by Shakespeare," he said. "Which one?" she asked. He scanned the shelves and answered, "William, I think."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"Excuse for Republicans driving sports cars that cost more than their fathers ever made in a year: It's cheaper than marrying a woman half my age." --P.J. O'Rourke ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organizing Cooking Sheets Buy a piece of corner molding at your local hardware store and cut it into pieces that are about the depth of your kitchen cabinets. Nail the pieces of molding to the bottom of your cabinet perpendicular to the opening and you can then store your cookie sheets upright. When I design a kitchen, I always put a narrow, floor to countertop drawer beside the stove, with no sidewall on the stove side. Into the top I put a towel rack, and in the bottom a chrome wire guard or fence to hold cookie sheets upright and from tipping against the stove side. The waste heat from the stove dries the towels and stove cloths, and the library of cookie sheets and cake pans is easily accessible. Now if I could find some decent flour bins, the kitchen would be perfect. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Destination hot springs and camping.
___________________________________________________ A salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in a department store. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress. Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack. Without missing a beat, he bravely held up both halves of the 'unbreakable' comb for everyone to see and said, "And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an unbreakable comb looks like on the inside." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Bob for this revelation: My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women were coming up to me, they'd sniff, exclaim, "Married!", and walk off. So, gents, that's how they mark their territory! You can take off that ring, but it's hard to get that "April fresh scent" out of your clothes. ____________________________________________________

Today, August 28 in
1609 Delaware Bay was discovered by Henry Hudson. 

1619 Ferdinand II was elected Holy Roman Emperor. His
policy of "One church, one king" was his way of trying to
outlaw Protestantism. 

1830 "The Tom Thumb" was demonstrated in Baltimore, MD. It
was the first passenger-carrying train of its kind to be
built in America. 

1833 Slavery was banned by the British Parliament
throughout the British Empire. 

1907 "American Messenger Company" was started by two
teenagers, Jim Casey and Claude Ryan. The company's name
was later changedto "United Parcel Service." 

1916 Italy's flipping to the winning side and declaration
of war against Germany took effect duringWorld War I. 

1917 Ten suffragists were arrested as they picketed the
White House. 

1922 The first radio commercial aired on WEAF in New York
City. The Queensboro Realty Company bought 10 minutes of
time for$100. 

1939 The first successful flight of a jet-propelled
airplane took place. The plane was a German Heinkel He 178.


1963 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., gave his "I Have a Dream"
speech at a civil rights rally in Washington, DC. More than
200,000 people attended. 

1972 Mark Spitz captured the first of his seven gold medals
at the Summer Olympics in Munich, Germany. He set a world
record when he completed the 200-meter butterfly in 2
minutes and 7/10ths of a second. 

1990 Iraq declared Kuwait to be its 19th province and
renamed Kuwait City al-Kadhima. 

1995 The biggest bank in the U.S. was created when Chase
Manhattan and Chemical Bank announced their $10 billion
deal.

1996 A divorce decree was issued for Britain's Charles and
Princess Diana. This was the official end to the 15-year
marriage.

1998 The Pakistani prime minister created new Islamic order
and legal system based on the Koran. 

2004 George Brunstad, at age 70, became the oldest person
to swim the English Channel. The swim from Dover, England,
to Sangatte, France, took 15 hours and 59 minutes. 

2008 In China, the Shanghai World Financial Center
officially opened. The observation decks opened on August
30. 

2014 Google announced its Project Wing. The project was
aimed at delivering products across a city using unmanned
flying vehicles. 

2018  smiled.
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Computer noisy in the afternoon 




Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, August 27

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award:
Indiana teens murder delivery man, 
then ate the pizza

______________________________________________________
Today, August 27 in
1859 The first oil well was successfully drilled in the
U.S. by Colonel Edwin L. Drake near Titusville, PA. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside. --- Robert X. Cringely ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ I used to do some locksmithing and still get called out for all types of emergencies. Just this morning, I received a call from a young lady telling me she had locked her keys in her truck. She was very frantic, as she had to get to work. I told her the cost, found out where she was, and I was on my way. Since she told me she thought the keys were in the truck (but couldn't remember for sure where she had put them,) I began working on opening the passenger door of her truck. As I was maneuvering my tool to unlock the door, I looked across at the driver door and noticed... it was unlocked. Without a word, I walked around and opened the door for her. 'Thank you!' she said. 'I didn't even know you could unlock the driver's door from the passenger side.'" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Diane for this story: In a small mid western conservative town, a new bar/tavern started a building to open up their business. The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers. Work progressed, however right up till the week before opening, when a lightning strike hit the bar and it burned to the ground. The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means. The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the buildings demise in its reply to the court. As the case made it's way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented, "I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that doesn't. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ "What do you love most about me," a husband asked his wife, "my tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?" "What I love most about you," responded the man's wife, "is your hilarious sense of humor." ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Juwuan Terry, 18, Jason Epeards, 18, Jasean Dale, 19, Indianapolis, Indiana Indiana teens murder delivery man, then ate the pizza Three teens who ordered pizza in Indiana allegedly killed the delivery man and ate the food, according to officials. Police said LaVon Drake, 24, was shot to death Monday night in a robbery while delivering Papa John’s pizzas to a vacant home in Indianapolis, news station WXIN reported. The suspects — Juwuan Terry, 18, Jason Epeards, 18, and Jasean Dale, 19 — allegedly placed the delivery after breaking into the residence. Drake’s body was found in the empty home around 7:45 p.m. Authorities said they were able to track down the suspects Tuesday since a neighbor saw the teens’ car and wrote down the license plate. The trio allegedly confessed to gunning down Drake. Murder charges were filed against all three of the teens. Epeards and Terry also face additional charges for robbery, according to court records. Drake, a manager at Papa John’s, was covering for his co- workers the night he was killed, according to WXIN. “He was a good young man, a great employee and a great manager,” his colleague Cheyenne Pryor told The Indianapolis Star. “I’m going to miss him so much.”
From: Elvira Re: Noisy computer Dear Webby, My computer works fine in the morning, but in the afternoon it gets noisy and most programs slow down. The wanna-be son-in-law who claims to be a computer guru, said it's just getting old and that he would give me $50 trade-in value for it if I bought a new $1600 computer from him. My computer is only two years old, and in the morning is still quite a speed demon. What's the real story? Elvira Dear Elvira That guy is not a guru, he is a gooron, or a crook. Or possibly both. Your computer is simply overheating in the afternoon, because it has not been cleaned out for a long time. Take the side cover off. If you can do that and comfortably lie down on the floor in front of it, do it there, otherwise unplug everything and set the computer on top of some spread newspapers on the kitchen table. Then take the vaccum cleaner with the furniture crevice tool attached and clean out all the dust bunnies and dirt. Clean the heat sinks with Q-tips. "Heat Sinks" are those finned metal blocks that cover the CPU and other hard working chips. Some heatsinks have shrouds over them. Those can normally be removed wihout any tools. Just look at them and push on different sides and places. They are a bit tricky, but any woman, who can take a food processor apart and put it back together, has a huge advantage over men who have not acquired that skill. The heat sinks under shrouds frequently look rather gross, but no worse than the inside of a stove exhaust hood. Fold a kleenex or paper towel around a business card or credit card and slide it between the fins to clean them. If they don't come perfectly clean with just that, drip some rubbing alcohol or Windex onto the paper. Don't think of the project as a tedious nuisance. Consider it a battle against the evil dust bunnies in their secret castle and it's a fun ten minutes. Also clean the blades of any fan in there. Afterwards your computer will run fine all day and never get so hot that the fans go into noisy overdrive or that it slows down the CPU because it is getting too hot. When you put the computer back, put it onto some bricks or old phone books to raise the dust bunny entrance portal a bit above the floor. And don't forget to tell your daughter that her pet gooron is an idiot. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Linda for this story: In high school I was always self-conscious about my height. Once I was asked out by a lifeguard. I had never stood next to him and didn't know how tall he was, so the night of the date I took out two pairs of shoes, one with heels, one flat. I arranged with my brother to answer the door, compare his height with my date's, and run upstairs to let me know which pair of shoes to wear. When I heard the doorbell, I waited. Then my brother showed up and told me: "Go barefoot."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." "Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce." "I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don't get any more shopping trips, no more wintering down South, no more summers up North, no more spare car in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband. "Ours is prettier," she replied. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Using a Plunger In a Bathroom Sink One problem with using a plunger in a bathroom sink is that the plunger can not create a true seal because of the overflow opening. Before plunging, cover the overflow with a piece of tape or hold a cloth against it. This will allow the plunger to do it's work efficiently. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
The Skeleton of Jeremy Bentham
___________________________________________________ During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Little Johnny's mother was horrified. She pinched him and told him to be silent. After church she asked, "Johnny, whatever made you do such a thing?" Little Johnny said quite honestly, "I asked God to teach me how to whistle and all of a sudden, He did!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill." Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense. Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on. "Well," said the other brother, "You said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 27 in
1660 The books of John Milton were burned in London due to
his attacks on King Charles II. 

1789 The Declaration of the Rights of Man was adopted by
the French National Assembly. 

1828 Uruguay was formally proclaimed to be independent
during preliminary talks between Brazil and Argentina. 

1858 The first cabled news dispatch was sent and was
published by "The New York Sun" newspaper. The story was
about the peace demands of England and France being met by
China. 

1859 The first oil well was successfully drilled in the
U.S. by Colonel Edwin L. Drake near Titusville, PA. 

1889 Charles G. Conn received a patent for the metal
clarinet. 

1889 Boxer Jack "Nonpareil" Dempsey was defeated for the
first time of his career by George LaBlanche. 

1892 The original Metropolitan Opera House in New York was
seriously damaged by fire. 

1894 The Wilson-Gorman Tariff Act was passed by the U.S.
Congress. The provision within for a graduated income tax
was later struck down by the U.S. Supreme Court. 

1921 The owner of Acme Packing Company bought a pro
football team for Green Bay, WI. J.E. Clair paid tribute to
those who worked in his plant by naming the team the Green
Bay Packers. (NFL) 

1928 The Kellogg-Briand Pact was signed by 15 countries in
Paris. Later, 47 other nations would sign the pact. 

1938 Robert Frost, in a fit of jealousy, set fire to some
papers to disrupt a poetry recital by another poet,
Archibald MacLeish. 

1939 Nazi Germany demanded the Polish corridor and Danzig.
It had been awarded to Poland after WWI and was used by
England as an Ultimatum for starting WWII.

1945 American troops landed in Japan after the surrender of
the Japanese government at the end of World War II. 

1962 Mariner 2 was launched by the United States. In
December of the same year the spacecraft flew past Venus.
It was the first space probe to reach the vicinity of
another planet. 

1972 North Vietnam's major port at Haiphong saw the first
bombings from U.S. warplanes. 

1981 Work began on recovering a safe from the Andrea Doria.
The Andrea Doria was a luxury liner that had sunk in 1956
in the waters off of Massachusetts. 

1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan announced that the first
civilian to go into space would be a teacher. The teacher
that was eventually chosen was Christa McAuliffe. She died
in the Challenger disaster on January 28, 1986. 

1985 The Space Shuttle Discovery left for a seven-day
mission in which three satellites were launched and another
was repaired and redeployed. 

1989 The first U.S. commercial satellite rocket was
launched. A British communications satellite was onboard. 

1990 The U.S. State Department ordered the expulsion of 36
Iraqi diplomats. 

1991 The Soviet republic of Moldavia declared its
independence. 

1996 California Governor Pete Wilson signed an order that
would halt state benefits to illegal immigrants. 

1998 "Titanic" became the first movie in North America to
earn more than $600 million. 

1999 The final crew of the Russian space station Mir
departed the station to return to Earth. Russia was forced
to abandon Mir for financial reasons. 

2001 The U.S. military announced that an Air Force RQ-1B
"Predator" aircraft was lost over Iraq. It was reported
that the unmanned aircraft "may have crashed or been shot
down." 

2001 Work began on the future site of a World War II
memorial on the U.S. capital's historic National Mall. The
site is between the Washington Monument and the Lincoln
Memorial. 

2018  smiled.
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Washing a keyboard 




Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, August 26

Yesterday's smoke map:



Have FUN!
Dearwebby

>From Marlene
Dear Webby, 
I used to spend hours every day hunting for decent pictures
to use in my newsletter. Some were OK, but a lot of time
people bitched. Then a friend told me to just steal them
from you. So I did. No more complaints, and a lot of time
saved.
Thank you very much!
Marlene


Today's Bonehead Award:
Dad severely beat baby daughter for 
falling while learning to walk

______________________________________________________
Today, August 26 in
55 B.C. Britain was invaded by Roman forces under 
Julius Caesar.  
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You don't have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone. --- John Ciardi (1916 1986) What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Mia I put a roast in the oven one noon hour and set the timer, a feature I hadn't used yet. Before leaving work that afternoon, I phoned my 14-year-old son to ask him to check the roast and peel some potatoes. Minutes later he called back. "Mom, the roast isn't cooked. The oven didn't come on." The roast was on the menu again the following day, but this time, since I stopped by the house after a business lunch, I decided to turn the oven on myself. Again before leaving work, I called my son to check the roast and get the potatoes started. Again he called me back. "The roast still isn't cooked." "Listen," I said. "I know the oven's on. I turned it on before I left. I didn't use the timer." "Oh, the stove's working fine," he told me. "It's just that the roast is still in the refrigerator." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ My friend Bev and her husband were reshingling their roof. As soon as they started, they realized they needed more supplies, so Bev grabbed the checkbook, jumped into her car, and drove the 45 miles to the nearest lumberyard. After gathering the items she needed, Bev went up to the cashier and wrote a check. "I really need to see a photo ID," the clerk said. "I don't have one on me," Bev replied. The cashier called over the manager, who examined the check. Then the manager looked up and asked Bev, "Who is the Avon lady in your town?" Puzzled, Bev responded, "Maxine Thompson." "Take her check," the smiling manager said to the cashier. "Maxine is my grandmother." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A college professor had the mysterious habit of walking into the lecture hall each morning, removing a tennis ball from his jacket pocket. He would set it on the corner of the podium. After giving the lecture for the day, he would once again pick up the tennis ball, place it into his jacket pocket, and leave the room. No one ever understood why he did this, until one day. . . A student fell asleep during the lecture. The professor never missed a word of his lecture while he walked over to the podium, picked up the tennis ball and threw it, hitting the sleeping student squarely on the top of the head. The next day, the professor walked into the room, reached into his jacket, removed a baseball. No one ever fell asleep in his class the rest of the semester! ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Anthony Williams, 27, El Paso, Texas Dad severely beat baby daughter for falling while learning to walk A Texas dad is behind bars after police say he severely beat his baby girl, leaving her with life-threatening injuries. According to KFOX-TV, Anthony Williams, 27, of El Paso, was arrested Friday and charged with injury to a child after police received a report of possible family violence. When officers arrived, they found Williams' 1-year-old daughter unresponsive and critically injured, police said. She was taken to a nearby hospital. Investigators believe that "Williams struck the victim several times after she kept falling while he was 'teaching' her to walk," El Paso police said in a news release Monday. He is being held on a $750,000 bond at the El Paso County Detention Facility, the release said.
From Amanda Re: Wash Keyboard Dear Webby, I spilled soup onto my keyboard. It is only a few months old, and I don't want to replace it just yet. How do I clean it? Amanda Dear Amanda Just rinse it off in the shower, then let it drip-dry with the key side down. Modern keyboards can handle that quite OK. They are not as fast as the keyboards of the 70's and 80s and early 90s, but they are washable. Some people have even put them into a dishwasher and they survived. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
On my first day in basic training, we were lined up in a row, each of us in turn having to shout our last names. After the guy next to me had yelled, "Florence," it was my turn. I had no sooner called out my name when the training instructor was in my face, demanding to know if I was some kind of smart aleck. Satisfied that I wasn't, the red-faced TI told me never to stand next to that guy again. --- By Charles W. Nightingale
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two snooty women were sitting in the living room, waiting for their hostess, who was slightly delayed in another room. The daughter of the family was with the two women, on the theory that she would keep the visitors occupied during the wait. The child was about six years old. She was snub nosed, spotted with splotchy freckles, buck toothed, and bespectacled. She maintained a deep silence and the two ladies peered doubtfully at her. Finally, one of the women muttered to the other, "She's not very p - r - e - t - t - y, is she?" Whereupon the child piped up, "Maybe not, but I'm quite s - m - a - r - t and I can s - p - e - l - l." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Get Rid of Monthly Storage Fees Sort through your storage unit and keep what you want, but sell or give the rest to the needy. Get out of paying those monthly storage fees! That's money wasted that you could have invested or used for vacation. A storage locker for 5 years at $75 a month would cost $4,500! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Mesa Verdes cliffs where some of the oldest buildings in North America are.
___________________________________________________ A sad-faced Todd walked into a flower shop early one morning. The clerk was ready to take his order for a funeral piece, based on the look on Todd's face, but soon realized his assumption was wrong as Todd asked for a basket of flowers sent to his wife for their anniversary. "And what day will that be?" the clerk asked. Glumly he replied, "Yesterday." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A guy walked into his friend's office, he found him sitting at his desk, looking very depressed. "Hey, what's up with you?", he asks. "Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She's hired a new secretary for me." "Well, nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette or a redhead ?" "Neither. Her grandfather is bald." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 26 in
55 B.C. Britain was invaded by Roman forces under Julius
Caesar. 

1498 Michelangelo was commissioned to make the "Pieta." 

1842 The first fiscal year was established by the U.S.
Congress to start on July 1st. 

1847 Liberia was proclaimed as an independent republic. 

1873 The school board of St. Louis, MO, authorized the
first U.S. public kindergarten. 

1896 In the Philippines an insurrection began against the
Spanish government. 

1920 The 19th amendment to the U.S. Constitution went into
effect. The amendment prohibited discrimination on the
basis of sex in the voting booth. 

1934 Adolf Hitler demanded that France return the Saar
region to Germany. It had been taken by France after WWI

1937 All Chinese shipping was blockaded by Japan. Some
historians claim that was the real start of WWII. 

1939 The first televised major league baseball games were
shown. The event was a double-header between the Cincinnati
Reds and the Brooklyn Dodgers. 

1945 The Japanese were given surrender instructions on the
U.S. battleship Missouri at the end of World War II. 

1957 It was announced that an intercontinental ballistic
missile was successfully tested by the Soviet Union. 

1957 The first Edsel made by the Ford Motor Company rolled
of the assembly line. 

1961 The International Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto
opened. 

1978 Sigmund Jahn blasted off aboard the Russian Soyuz 31
and became the first German in space. 

1981 The U.S. claimed that North Korea fired an
antiaircraft missile at a U.S. Surveillance plane while it
was over South Korea. 

1987 The Fuller Brush Company announced plans to open two
retail stores in Dallas, TX. The company that had sold its
products door to door for 81 years. 

1990 The 55 Americans at the U.S. Embassy in Kuwait left
Baghdad by car and headed for the Turkish border. 

1991 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev promised that
national elections would be held. 

1992 A "no-fly zone" was imposed on the southern 1/3 of
Iraq. The move by the U.S., France and Britain was aimed at
protecting Iraqi Shiite Muslims. 

1998 The U.S. government announced that they were
investigating Microsoft in an attempt to discover if they
"bullied" Intel into delaying new technology. 

2018  smiled.
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Rechargeable battery for wireless mouse? 




Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, August 25

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

San Francisco: To improve their crappy image, 
San Francisco Public Works has a $72.5 million-a-year
street cleaning budget — including spending $12 million a
year on what essentially have become housekeeping services
for homeless encampments.

The costs include $2.8 million for a Hot Spots crew to wash
down the camps and remove any biohazards, $2.3 million for
street steam cleaners, $3.1 million for the Pit Stop
portable toilets, plus the new $830,977-a-year Poop Patrol
to actively hunt down and clean up human waste.

By the way, the poop patrolers earn $71,760 a year, which
swells to $184,678 with mandated benefits.

Why does San Francisco have such a crappy image?
As a Sanctuary City they attract a lot of illegals who
believe because they are illegal, they can't be put in jail
or deported. They don't really want to work, otherwise they
would move to a rural town, where there is zero
unemployment. And why should they?

Life is good. Camp on a sidewalk or under an overpass, free
food at any Salvation Army soup kitchen, dope is cheap and
hookers accept dope as payment.

For sport and to protest that there is no WiFi on your
favorite sidewalk, you crap onto a sidewalk or parking lot,
where they do have WiFi. 

Except for the $184,678 / year poop patrollers, nobody
expects to see any change.

I wonder if I have to be an Illegal and registered Democrat
to be able to get that job? 



>From Kate
I love the way you deal with tele@#$%S, especially your
"Yellow", when they are fishing for your name! 
You sure got their number!

I have been using your suggestion from a few years ago to
instantly hang up if it is a robo-call waiting for me to
hit a number. Saves a lot of time!
Thanks!
Kate

Today's Bonehead Award:
St. Augustine man returns home to find 
clothes ablaze; girlfriend arrested

______________________________________________________
Today, August 25 in
1718 Hundreds of colonists from France arrived in
Louisiana. Some settled in present-day New Orleans.  
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You don't have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone. --- John Ciardi (1916 - 1986) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From James  Gee, I always wondered about this... --- If you stand naked on the front porch and the neighbors can't see you…it's rural. --- If you stand naked on the front porch and the neighbors call the cops on you…it's suburban. --- If you stand naked on the front porch and the neighbors ignore you…it's urban. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked. The young man thought for a moment, and said, "No, just engrave the words - To My One And Only Love - Forever! That way, if we break up, I can use it again." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be . . . until the looting started. ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sharon McGrath, 36, St Augustine Beach, Florida St. Augustine man returns home to find clothes ablaze; girlfriend got arrested A St. Johns County man called police after his girlfriend would not let him back into the house Wednesday, according to a St. Augustine Beach Police report. Officers arrested Sharon McGrath, 36, for criminal mischief. She is suspected of torching her boyfriend's clothes by stuffing them into a barrel and lighting them on fire, police said. The officer stated in the report that McGrath repeatedly said she would do "anything" if the officer would stop the patrol car in an effort to avoid going to jail. Aside from attempted bribe, that is the equivalent of admitting guilt. The report said that officers responded to the call off 11th Street just before 6:30 a.m. Wednesday. Police said in the report they could see smoke from behind the house as they arrived. The man told the officers that the shelf where all his clothes were supposed to be was empty. An officer asked to go to the backyard to see what was causing all the smoke, and that's when the barrel with the burned clothes was discovered, the report said. The man said the value of his missing clothes was around $2,000.
From Paddy Re: Rechargeable Batteries Dear Webby, Is it safe to use rechargeable batteries in a wireless mouse? Paddy Dear Paddy Yes, perfectly safe. When the voltage falls below safe levels, Windows will tell you it's time to change the batteries. I have used rechargeable batteries in my mouse for a long time and never had a problem with it. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Mrs. Spiegelbaum was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "This is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Spiegel, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Drying Wet Shoes Don't put wet shoes near a heat source, this can shrink your shoes. You want to dry shoes at room temperature. Fill the shoes with newspaper or cloth to absorb the moisture in the inside. Change the newspaper or cloth and replace with dry every few hours until dry. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Vaseline jar mystery menacing Calgary.
___________________________________________________ Mary was almost crazy with her three young kids. She complained to her best friend Judy: "They're driving me nuts! They give me no rest! I'm half way to the funny farm!" "What you need," said Judy, "is a playpen." So Mary bought a playpen. A few days later, Judy called to ask how things were going. "Superb! I can't believe it," Mary said. "I get in that pen with my laptop, a coffee and a chocolate bar, and the kids don't bother me for hours!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
It was very crowded at the supermarket, and this customer had a large order. As the harried-looking clerk lifted the final bag for her, its bottom gave way, sending the ontents crashing to the floor. "They just don't make these bags like they used to," the clerkblurted to the customer. "That was supposed to happen in your driveway!" ____________________________________________________

Today, August 25 in
1718 Hundreds of colonists from France arrived in
Louisiana. Some settled in present-day New Orleans. 

1814 The U.S. Library of Congress was destroyed by British
forces. 

1825 Uruguay declared independence from Brazil. 

1840 Joseph Gibbons received a patent for the seeding
machine. 

1875 Captain Matthew Webb swam from Dover, England, to
Calais, France making him the first person to swim the
English Channel. The feat took about 22 hours. 

1920 The first airplane to fly from New York to Alaska
arrived in Nome. 

1921 The U.S. signed a peace treaty with Germany. 

1939 The movie "Wizard of Oz" opened around the United
States. 

1940 Arno Rudolphi and Ann Hayward were married while
suspended in parachutes at the World’s Fair in New York
City. 

1941 Soviet and British troops invaded Iran. This was in
reaction to the Shah's refusal to reduce the number of
German residents. 

1941 Allied forces invaded Iran. Within four days the
Soviet Union and England controlled Iran. 

1941 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed the bill
appropriating funds for construction of the Pentagon. 

1944 Paris, France, was liberated by Allied forces ending
four years of German occupation. 

1944 Romania declared war on Germany. 

1950 U.S. President Truman ordered the seizure of U.S.
railroads to avert a strike. 

1972 In Great Britain, computerized axial tomography (CAT
scan) was introduced. 

1978 The Turin shroud believed to be the burial cloth of
Jesus Christ went on display for the first time in 45
years. 

1981 The U.S. Voyager 2 sent back pictures and data about
Saturn. The craft came within 63,000 miles of the planet. 

1983 The U.S. and the Soviet Union signed a $10 billion
grain pact. 

1987 Saudi Arabia denounced the "group of terrorists" that
ran the Iranian government. 

1988 Iran and Iraq began talks in Geneva after ending their
eight years of war. 

1990 Military action was authorized by the United Nations
to enforce the trade embargo that had been placed on Iraq
after their invasion of Kuwait. 

1991 Byelorussia declared independence from the Soviet
Union. 

1992 It was reported by researchers that cigarette smoking
significantly increased the risk of developing cataracts. 

1995 Harry Wu, human rights activist, returned to the
United States. He said the spying case against him in China
was "all lies." 

1997 The tobacco industry agreed to an $11.3 billion
settlement with the state of Florida. 

1998 A survey released said that 1/3 of Americans use the
Internet.

2018  smiled.
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Slow mail program 




Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, August 24
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Some tele@#$% called today, with the call display claiming 
"Private Caller". Well, I do have some not very bright
acquaintances, who forge "Private Caller", and even my
doctor's receptionist falls into that category.

Caller: Hello?
 Me: Yellow
Caller: Hello?
 Me: Yellow 
Caller: This is the (gobbledigook) bank cal
 Me: I don't deal with that bank
Caller: We got a check here for you
 Me: Put it into my account or else stuff it where the sun
don't shine. KLICK!

I really don't have time for those idjits.
Real banks don't call me if they have a check from or for
me, and besides, they have my email address. Also, banks
don't fake "Private Caller".

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award:
Woman run over by train after stranger 
pushed mother onto tracks

______________________________________________________
Today, August 24 in
1572 The Catholics began their slaughter of the French
Protestants in Paris. The killings claimed about 70,000
people.  
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The greatest mistake is trying to be more agreeable than you can be. --- Walter Bagehot (1826 - 1877) Let's have some new cliches. --- Samuel Goldwyn (1882 - 1974) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where conversation turned to the subject of marriage. Dave had been saving for an engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a new computer. Mary was understanding, telling Dave they had the rest of their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a computer instead. During dessert, Dave suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring. Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted, "Well, don't you have something to ask me?" Dave then got down on bended knee. "Honey," he said, "will you buy me a new computer?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Francisca Waiting for our aerobics class to begin, several of us were standing around in our leotards chatting about fitness and diets. One woman said that her brother-in-law had quit smoking, gone on a diet and lost weight all at the same time. Thinking to myself that no human being could possibly do this without acquiring at least one other undesirable habit for compensation, I jokingly asked her, "What did he start doing instead of these things?" After a slight pause, she smiled and said, "Well, my sister is pregnant now." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A wholesale dealer who had a lot of trouble in getting a certain retailer to pay his bills finally lost patience and wrote the merchant a threatening letter. He received the following reply: "Dear Sir: What do you mean by writing me a letter like that? Every month I place all my bills in a hat and then figure out how much money I have to pay on my accounts. Then I have my bookkeeper draw as many bills out of the hat as I have money to pay. If you don't like my way of doing business, I won't even put your bills in the hat." ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christopher Brooklin, 28, Atlanta, Woman run over by train after stranger pushed mother onto tracks A Milwaukee woman was run over by a train in Atlanta, after investigators say a stranger pushed the woman's mother onto the tracks as the train approached. Katie Wenszell jumped onto the tracks to save her mother's life. The 28-year-old is now fighting for her own life. Wenszell and four of her sisters were in Atlanta with their mother for a girl's trip when the unthinkable happened. It was supposed to be a memorable trip, but the memories made weren't what the family ever expected. "It's been up and down," said Jerry Wenszell, Katie's father. Jerry Wenszell was at home in Wisconsin when it happened. He got a call on Sunday, Aug. 19. "She said 'Mom and Katie have been involved in a train accident.' That's just not a normal statement. That just isn't," said Wenszell. The women were at Atlanta's Midtown MARTA station when investigators say Christopher Brooklin, 28, pushed Susan Wenszell onto the tracks. "Katie seeing this, as an oncoming train is coming, jumped down to move Sue off the tracks," said Jerry Wenszell. The train went over Katie and Susan Wenszell, and Katie was wearing a backpack. "She was caught and beaten between the railroad tracks and the undercarriage of the vehicle," said Jerry Wenszell. She was dragged and critically injured, while her mother was OK. She's fighting for her life at an Atlanta hospital, in a medically-induced coma, with broken bones in her face and a severely injured shoulder. Additionally, part of her foot had to be amputated. Her father called her a hero. "Had she not done that, my wife would be coming home in a funeral box," said Jerry Wenszell. Brooklin was arrested and charged with aggravated assault and battery. Jerry Wenszell said he plans to head to Atlanta Thursday, Aug. 23 to be with his daughter. Meanwhile, a GoFundMe.com account has been set up to help pay medical expenses.
From Beth Re: Slow mail Dear Webby, My mail program is getting slower by the day, it seems. How do I fix that? Beth Dear Beth First clean out your IN mailbox. It should only have today's unread mail in it. (If you tell me I should do what I preach, you can get your own coffee!) While that may not be practical or possible, consider it a goal to strive towards. Move mail immediately, after glancing at it, to mailboxes that you name as: Urgent Soon Rainy-day Tips Ideas Friends Family Recipes Second, shorten your spam blacklist, or dump it. Spammers nowadays just forge their sending addresses anyway and never use the same one twice, so why bother with a huge blacklist? Just set the blacklist ot "age off" in 2 days. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
On a wall in a men's room: "My wife follows me everywhere" Written just below it: "I do not"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness, stopped and said: "Your honor, a juror is asleep." The Judge ruled: "You put him to sleep; YOU wake him up." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Razor Blades in Matchbooks "Dear Dad," read the young soldier's first letter home. "I cannot tell you where I am, but yesterday I shot a polar bear." Several months later came another letter: "Dear Dad, I still cannot tell you where I am, but yesterday I danced with a hula girl." Two weeks later came yet another note: "Dear Dad, I still cannot tell you where I am, but yesterday the doctor told me I should have danced with the polar bear and shot the hula girl." Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Vaseline jar mystery menacing Calgary.
___________________________________________________ An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked, "Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your country and then sue the landowners for lots of money?" Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partner and started speaking rapidly in Italian. When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law. "No, no," one replied. "We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items. She headed for the express line where the clerk was talking on the phone with his back turned to her. "Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?" The clerk turned, looked her up and down, and smiled, "Not bad. Quite cute, actually! But this till won't work until I talk the manager into rebooting the computer." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 24 in
0079 Mount Vesuvius erupted killing approximately 20,000
people. The cities of Pompeii, Stabiae and Herculaneum were
buried in volcanic ash. 

0410 The Visigoths overran Rome. This event symbolized the
fall of the Western Roman Empire. 

1456 The printing of the Gutenberg Bible was completed. 

1572 The Catholics began their slaughter of the French
Protestants in Paris. The killings claimed about 70,000
people. 

1814 Washington, DC was invaded by British forces that set
fire to the White House and Capitol. 

1869 A patent for the waffle iron was received by Cornelius
Swarthout. 

1891 Thomas Edison applied for patents for the kinetoscope
and kinetograph (U.S. Pats. 493,426 and 589,168). 

1912 A four-pound limit was set for parcels sent through
the U.S. Post Office mail system. 

1932 Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across
the U.S. non-stop. The trip from Los Angeles, CA to Newark,
NJ, took about 19 hours. 

1949 The North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) went
into effect. The agreement was that an attack against one
of the parties would be considered "an attack against them
all." 

1954 The Communist Party was virtually outlawed in the U.S.
when the Communist Control Act went into effect. 

1959 Three days after Hawaiian statehood, Hiram L. Fong was
sworn in as the first Chinese-American U.S. senator while
Daniel K. Inouye was sworn in as the first Japanese-
American U.S. representative. 

1963 John Pennel pole-vaulted 17 feet and 3/4 inches
becoming the first to break the 17-foot barrier. 

1968 France became the 5th thermonuclear power when they
exploded a hydrogen bomb in the South Pacific. 

1985 27 anti-apartheid leaders were arrested in South
Africa as racial violence rocked the country. 

1986 Frontier Airlines shut down. Thousands of people were
left stranded. 

1989 Pete Rose, the manager of the Cincinnati Reds, was
banned from baseball for life after being accused of
gambling on baseball. 

1989 "Total war" was declared by Columbian drug lords on
their government. 

1989 The U.S. space probe Voyager 2, sent back photographs
of Neptune. 

1990 Iraqi troops surrounded foreign missions in Kuwait. 

1991 Russian President Mikhail Gorbachev resigned as the
head of the Communist Party. 

1992 China and South Korea established diplomatic
relations. 

1998 U.S. officials cited a soil sample as part of the
evidence that a Sudan plant was producing precursors to the
VX nerve gas. And, therefore made it a target for U.S.
missiles on August 20, 1998. 

1998 A donation of 24 beads was made, from three parties,
to the Indian Museum of North America at the Crazy Horse
Memorial. The beads are said to be those that were used in
1626 to buy Manhattan from the Indians. 

2001 In McAllen, TX, Bridgestone/Firestone agreed to settle
out of court and pay a reported $7.5 million to a family in
a rollover accident in their Ford Explorer. 

2001 The remains of nine American servicemen killed in the
Korean War were returned to the U.S. The bodies were found
about 60 miles north of Pyongyang. It was estimated that it
would be a year before the identies of the soldiers would
be known. 

2001 U.S. District Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly was
randomly picked to take over the Microsoft monopoly case.
The judge was to decide how Microsoft should be punished
for illegally trying to squelch its competitors. 

2001 NASA announced that operation of the Upper Atmosphere
Research Satellite would end by September 30th due to
budget restrictions. Though the satellite is best known for
monitoring a hole in the ozone layer over Antarctica, it
was designed to provide information about the upper
atmosphere by measuring its winds, temperatures, chemistry
and energy received from the sun. 

2006 The planet Pluto was reclassified as a "dwarf planet"
by the International Astronomical Union (IAU). Pluto's
status was changed due to the IAU's new rules for an object
qualifying as a planet. Pluto met two of the three rules
because it orbits the sun and is large enough to assume a
nearly round shape. However, since Pluto has an oblong
orbit and overlaps the orbit of Neptune it disqualified
Pluto as a planet. 

2018  smiled.
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AOL Subscription problems 




Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, August 23

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award:
Pennsylvania men face 1,460 counts each
of sex with animals

______________________________________________________
Today, August 23 in
1839 Hong Kong was taken by the British in a war with
China. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe. --- H. G. Wells (1866 - 1946) History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon. --- Napoleon Bonaparte History is the version of past events that the winners have decided to agree upon. --- Dwight D Eisenhower ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The elderly pastor was searching his closet for his collar before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing 3 eggs and 1200 $1 bills. He called his wife into the closet to ask her about the box and its contents. Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box for their entire 25 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her, "WHY?" The wife replied that she hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings. He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time during their marriage that he delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an egg in the box. The pastor felt that 3 poor sermons in 25 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the $1200 was for. She replied, "Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbors for $1. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A swimming instructor at a Los Angeles university was quizzing a group of students on Red Cross life saving and water safety techniques . They answered all of her questions easily until she posed this one: "Which article of clothing would you remove last if you fell from a boat or dock fully clothed?" Everyone mentioned something different. It was evident that no one knew the correct answer, so the instructor helped out. "The blouse," she said, "because the air gets under the blouse and acts like a buoy!" The subsequent uproar ended the class. ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Terry Wallace, 41; Marc Measnikoff, 34; and Matthew Brubaker, 32; Clearfield County, Pennsylvania Pennsylvania men face 1,460 counts of sex with animals Three Pennsylvania men face a slew of charges that includes more than 1,400 counts of having sex with animals. Terry Wallace, 41; Marc Measnikoff, 34; and Matthew Brubaker, 32; are all facing 1,460 counts of sexual intercourse with animals, according to the Clearfield District Attorney's Office. The three have also been charged with animal cruelty, endangering the welfare of children and corruption of minors. State police said in an affidavit that they received information from a 16-year-old boy living at the residence where the three men were allegedly having sex with animals, including dogs, horses, a cow, and goat. The juvenile was able to describe a specially designed "V" shaped pen that was used to facilitate the sexual contact, prosecutors allege. In the early morning hours of August 18, state police served a search warrant on the property, and took the three men into custody. A search of the property revealed a large amount of homemade videos, along with recording equipment and cameras, according to the affidavit. The teen, who police say was living on the makeshift farm, is now in protective custody. District Attorney William Shaw Jr. said in a release Monday that no evidence suggests that the 16-year-old had been sexually abused, but the investigation is ongoing "to determine the extent of mental or physical abuse the juvenile may have been exposed to." According to the release, the arrests followed what Shaw said was one of the most extreme cases of animal abuse that his office has handled. Bail has been set at $100,000 for each defendant.
From: Tuck Re: Not getting subscription Dear Webby This is the second week that i'm not getting the Humor letter. Don't know what's going on, know you are sending them just not getting them. Got this one after I replyed last week, but not any since this one. Whats going on? Tuck Dear Tuck Your subscription is being sent out towards you every day. Either you or AOL are blocking it. You will have to talk to AOL support Or get gmail. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says "not yet." A little later they ask again to see the baby. Again the mother says "not yet." Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?" And the mother says, "When the baby cries." They all ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?" The new mother says, "because I forgot where I put it."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A man and a woman are driving down the highway when another car passes them. The woman notices that the occupants of the other car are young and obviously in love. The girl is sitting very close to her boyfriend as they cruise on down the highway. This causes the woman to think back when she and her husband were young and in love, and wondering where the show of affection had disappeared to over the years. Finally she says to her husband, "Remember when we used to be like that young couple? Where did the love go, honey?" Her question was met with a few moments of silence. Then, after glancing at his gnarled hands on the steering wheel he quietly replied, "I haven't moved." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Razor Blades in Matchbooks Empty matchbooks can be used to store razor blades. Just insert the razor blade into the bottom part of the matchbook. The strike plate can even be used to sharpen the blade in a pinch. Mark the matchbook so you know what's in it. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Origami is a real art form. I never knew you could fold one sheet of paper in so many different ways!
___________________________________________________ A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?" He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'" "She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?" "She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Friend: "I suppose you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours?" Woman: "Yes, it's a lock of my husband's hair." Friend: "But your husband is still alive." Woman: "I know, but his hair is gone." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 23 in
1838 The first class graduated from Mount Holyoke Female
Seminary in South Hadley, MA. It was one of the first
colleges for women. 

1839 Hong Kong was taken by the British in a war with
China. 

1858 "Ten Nights in a Barroom" opened in New York City at
the National Theater. It was a melodrama about the evils of
drinking. 

1892 The printed streetcar transfer was patented by John H.
Stedman. 

1902 Fannie Merrit Farmer opened her cooking school, Miss
Farmer’s School of Cookery, in Boston, MA. 

1904 Hard D. Weed patented the grip-tread tire chain for
cars. 

1914 Tsingtao, China, was bombarded as Japan declared war
on Germany in World War I. 

1939 Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union signed a non-
aggression treaty. 

1944 During World War II, Romanian prime minister Ion
Antonescue was dismissed. Soon after the country would
abandon the Axis and flip to the Allies. 

1944 Marseilles was captured by Allied troops during World
War II. 

1952 The security pact of the Arab League went into effect.

1959 In the Peanuts comic strip, Sally debuted as an
infant. 

1962 The first live TV program was relayed between the U.S.
and Europe through the U.S. Telstar satellite. 

1979 Soviet dancer Alexander Godunov defected while the
Bolshoi Ballet was on tour in New York City. 

1982 The parliament of Lebanon elected Bashir Bemayel
president. He was assassinated three weeks later. 

1987 Robert Jarvik and Marilyn Mach vos Savant were
married. The event was called the "Union of Great Minds"
since Savant had an IQ of 228 and Jarvik was the inventor
of the artificial heart. 

1990 President Saddam Hussein appeared on Iraqi state
television with a group of Western detainees that he
referred to as "guests." He told the group that they were
being held "to prevent the scourge of war." 

1993 It was confirmed by Los Angeles police that Michael
Jackson was the subject of a criminal investigation. 

1996 U.S. President Clinton imposed limits on peddling
cigarettes to children. 

1998 Boris Yeltsin dismissed the Russian government again. 

1999 Rescuers in Turkey found a young boy that had been
buried in rubble from an earthquake for about a week. 

1999 Robert Bogucki was rescued after getting lost in the
Great Sandy Desert of Australia on July 11. During the 43
day ordeal Bogucki lost 44 pounds. 

2000 Richard Hatch was revealed as the winning castaway on
CBS' "Survivor." Hatch won $1,000,000 for his stay on the
island of Pulau Tida in the South China Sea. 

2018  smiled.
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IE messes with fonts 




Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, August 22

Interesting how the fires know!
600 + Fires out of control in Socialist BC, 
2 out of control in Free Enterprise Alberta.
The green dots are fires, that are contained and
controlled, yellow are fires in the rocks that 
can't go anywhere and will fizzle on their own.
Gray is smokey area.



Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award:
Voyeurism charges following incident 
involving 12-year-old girl

______________________________________________________
Today, August 22 in
1865 A patent for liquid soap was issued to 
William Sheppard. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
It's never just a game when you're winning. --- George Carlin (1937 - 2008) Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there. --- E. H. Gombrich (1909 - ) Time you enjoyed wasting, was not wasted. --- John Lennon 1940-1980 ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Ed My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. Finally she said, "I know I had my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it!" I replied, "Aren't you talking on it!?" There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in - followed by, "You are NOT going to tell anybody about this!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.00. "That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. "That's still quite a bit," Tim complained. Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. "What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap." The clerk handed him a mirror. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ One of my co-workers got a speeding ticket and was attending a defensive-driving course to have points erased from her license. The instructor, a poice officer, emphasized that being on time was crucial and that the classroom doors would be locked when each session began. Just after one class started, someone knocked on the locked door. The officer opened it and asked, "Why are you late?" The student replied, "I didn't realize how much longer it takes to get here within the speed limit.." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jorge Leon-Alfaro, 36, Salt Lake City, Utah Voyeurism charges following incident involving 12-year-old girl Salt Lake City police arrested 36-year-old Jorge Leon- Alfaro after witnesses said he tried to record the girl from an adjacent dressing room stall inside the Rue 21 store at Brickyard Plaza on Saturday, according to KSTU. The girl's mother tracked the man down and recorded her comments toward him as she waited for police to arrive. “This right here is what a predator looks like,” says the woman in the video. “I caught this guy underneath my daughter's stall while she was changing at Rue 21.” The emotional video uploaded to Facebook has been viewed more than four million times. “Not today, buddy. Not today” says the woman in the video. “I'm going to make sure your face gets out, so that you're not in any more stalls, looking under little girls dressing.” Salt Lake City police say they had witness statements and enough evidence to make an arrest. “People are aware of what's going on and paying attention,” said Detective Greg Wilking of the Salt Lake City Police Department. “Other people were paying attention, too and saw similar things that concerned them and that led to his arrest.” Leon-Alfaro faces felony charges of voyeurism of a child under 14. “I’m going to be at every, single court date,” says the woman in the video.
From: Frank Re: IE reverting to wrong font size Dear Webby Why do you state to 'stack upside down'? Secondly, Every time I open MS Internet Explorer I must change the text size from small to medium. How do I save the medium text setting to preclude changing it daily. Thank you Frank 1) The smarter coolers are a bit wider at the open end, so that you can stack them inside each other. Especially for desert or water trips, where you want to keep the dust or the water out of your stuff, coolers are very handy suitcases. Before you know it, you have accumulated a big pile of them. If you stack them upside down in the off-season, dew and dust won't accumulate in them. 2) IE will take whatever font size the program used before it had been using, or the last program before it that had a font change setter built in. Just change the overall font size through Desktop, Properties, Appearance, Settings, Advanced, DPI settings. Experiment to find the ideal font size for your eyes and monitor distance, without having to change the IE setting. Chances are that the program, which had been leaving it's font settings for IE to trip over, will now appear to have larger fonts, but they will be easier to cope with than too small fonts in IE. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
I was at the drugstore and noticed a young male cashier staring at the pretty girl in front of me. Her total came to $16.42, and after handing over a $100 bill, she waited for change. "Here you go," said the cashier, smiling as he returned the proper amount. "Have a great day!" Now I placed my items on the counter. The tally was $32.79, and I too gave the cashier a $100 bill. "I'm sorry, Sir. We can't accept anything larger than a fifty," he told me, pointing to a sign stating store policy. "But you just accepted that last girl's hundred," I reasoned. "I had to," he said. "It had her phone number on it."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You admit having broken into the dress shop four times?" asked the judge. "Yes," answered the suspect. "And what did you steal?" "A dress, Your Honor," replied the subject. "One dress?" echoed the judge. "But you admit breaking in four times!" "Yes, Your Honor," sighed the suspect. "The first three times my wife didn't like the color." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Eliminate Food Waste Make sure to freeze leftovers if you don't think you will be able to eat them soon. Don't buy more dairy, fruits or vegetables than you can eat before they go bad. When you buy meat, always have a plan for it. Return foods to the grocery store that spoil before their expiration date. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Amazing Images: The Best Science Photos of the Week
___________________________________________________ One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches. An alter boy witnessed the scene and ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen. "Son, you've just witnessed a miracle," the priest said. "Tell me where is this man now?" "Flat on his face over by the holy water," said the boy. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A Texan, a Russian, and a New Yorker are sitting in a restaurant in London. The waiter says, "Excuse me, but the steak on the menu is not available, as there's a shortage." The Texan asks, "What's a shortage?" The Russian asks, "What's a steak?" The New Yorker asks, "What the bloody hell does 'excuse me' mean?" ____________________________________________________

Today, August 22 in
1485 The War of the Roses ended with the death of England's
King Richard III. He was killed in the Battle of Bosworth
Field. His successor was Henry V II. 

1567 The "Council of Blood" was established by the Duke of
Alba. This was the beginning of his reign of terror in the
Netherlands. 

1642 The English Civil War began when Charles I called
Parliament and its soldiers traitors. 

1770 Australia was claimed under the British crown when
Captain James Cook landed there. 

1775 The American colonies were proclaimed to be in a state
of open rebellion by England's King George III. 

1846 The U.S. annexed New Mexico. 

1851 The schooner America outraced the Aurora off the
English coast to win a trophy that became known as the
America's Cup. 

1865 A patent for liquid soap was issued to William
Sheppard. 

1902 In Hartford, CT, U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt
became the first president of the United States to ride in
an automobile. 

1906 The Victor Talking Machine Company of Camden, NJ began
to manufacture the Victrola. The hand-cranked unit, with
horn cabinet, sold for $200. 

1910 Japan formally annexed Korea. 

1911 It was announced that Leonardo da Vinci's "Mona Lisa"
had been stolen from the Louvre Museum in Paris. The
painting reappeared two years later in Italy. 

1932 The BBC (British Broadcasting Corporation) began its
first TV broadcast in England. 

1941 Nazi troops reached the outskirts of Leningrad during
World War II. 

1951 75,052 people watched the Harlem Globetrotters
perform. It was the largest crowd to see a basketball game.


1959 Stephen Rockefeller married Anne Marie Rasmussen. Anne
had once been a maid for the powerful and wealthy
Rockefeller family. 

1972 Due to its racial policies, Rhodesia was asked to
withdraw from the 20th Olympic Summer Games. 

1973 Henry Kissinger was named Secretary of State by U.S.
President Nixon. Kissinger won the Nobel Peace Prize in the
same year. 

1984 The last Volkswagen Rabbit rolled off the assembly
line in New Stanton, PA. 

1986 Kerr-McGee Corp. agreed to pay the estate of the late
Karen Silkwood $1.38 million to settle a 10-year-old
nuclear contamination lawsuit. 

1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush signed an order for
calling reservists to aid in the build up of troops in the
Persian Gulf. 

1990 The U.S. State Department announced that the U.S.
Embassy in Kuwait would not be closed under President
Saddam Hussein's demand. 

1990 Angry smokers blocked a street in Moscow to protest
the summer-long cigarette shortage. 

1991 It was announced by Yugoslavia that a truce ordered on
August 7th with Croatia had collapsed. 

1991 Mikhail S. Gorbachev returned to Moscow after the
collapse of the hard-liners' coup. On the same day he
purged the men that had tried to oust him. 

1992 In Rostock, Germany, neo-Nazi violence broke out
against foreigners. 

1996 U.S. President Clinton signed legislation that ended
guaranteed cash payments to the poor and demanded work from
recipients. 

2018  smiled.
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Accelerated Dial-Up vs DSL 




Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, August 21

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award:
Nassau County man, 39, batters 
78-year-old girlfriend

______________________________________________________
Today, August 21 in
1959 Hawaii became the 50th state. U.S. President
Eisenhower also issued the order for the 50 star flag.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Perpetual devotion to what a man calls his business, is only to be sustained by perpetual neglect of many other things. --- Robert Louis Stevenson (1850 - 1894) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ There are doctors and there are doctors. That's a lesson a young woman at a barbecue learns when she introduces herself to another guest. She had heard him addressed as 'doctor,' so she says, "Doctor, may I ask a question?" "Certainly," he says. "Well, I have been having a funny pain right here, above the heart." The guest interrupts her, "I'm terribly sorry, but the truth is, I'm a doctor of philosophy." "Oh," says the young woman, "I'm sorry." Embarrassed, she turns away, but curiosity gets the better of her. "Just one more question, Doctor," she says. "What kind of disease is philosophy?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A young fellow just out of medical school moves out to a small community to replace a doctor who is retiring. The older gent suggests the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community can become used to a new doctor. At the first house a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my stomach." "Well," says the older doctor, "you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?" As they leave the younger man says, "You didn't even examine that woman. How did you come to your diagnosis so quickly?" "I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick." "Huh," the younger doctor says, "Pretty clever. I'll have to remember that." Arriving at the next house, they spend several minutes talking with a young woman. She complains that she just doesn't have the energy she once did. "I'm feeling terribly run down lately," she says. "You've probably been doing too much work for the church," the younger doctor tells her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps." As they leave, the older man says, "Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?" "Well, just like you at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope. When I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A father attends a PTA meeting where the principal explains that the school's sex education classes are to begin soon and urges the parents to have some basic discussions with their kids at home first. The father had given his older boy a "birds and bees" talk two years before and wants to spare himself the ordeal again. When he gets home, he calls the boy into the study and asks him to give his younger brother the instruction he had been given two years before. The boy agrees and rushes off to talk with his younger brother. "Hey, bro," he says, "want to know something?" "What?" the younger lad asks. "You know how a man and a woman get together when they want to have kids?" "Yeah?" "Well, Dad wants me to tell you that birds and bees and flowers do the same thing." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Mann, 39, Brycesville, Florida Nassau County man, 39, batters 78-year-old girlfriend A 39-year-old Nassau County man has been jailed after his arrest for battery on a person over the age of 65. The Nassau County Sheriff's Office said on a report that David Mann, who lives with his 78-year-old girlfriend, was involved in an argument over an unpaid DirecTV bill. Mann was very angry when services to the Brycesville home were turned off, the report said. Mann is accused of throwing his girlfriend down on a bed and putting his hands around her neck. The victim called deputies after the incident, the report said. Deputies discovered ammunition in the home. Mann is a convicted felon and is not allowed to live in a home with ammunition, so an additional weapons charge was added, the report said.
From Lyn Re: Dial-Up versus DSL Dear Webby With these dial-up accelerators available now, is it worth paying extra for DSL? I read that we can now get this five times faster dial-up, that is cheaper than DSL but supposedly almost as fast.. Lyn Dear Lyn Yes, some expensive bicycles are almost as fast as a car. But not quite. The accelerated dial-ups make long music downloads faster than regular dial-up, but when it comes to surfing to places that you have not been to before, or uploading files, then there is no noticeable difference from regular dial-up. If DSL is available in your area, that is your better choice. In addition to that, you will save a phone number. Dial-up and accelerated dial-up need a phone line and number. DSL doesn't. It just piggybacks as an inaudible "fuzz" on a regular voice line and does not interfere with phone and fax on that line. Once you deduct the cost of a phone line, DSL becomes actually quite cheap. One thing to keep in mind though: If your DSL ever does go down, and it CAN happen, though very rarely, get the kids or anybody who blushes easily, out of the house. Going from DSL to a temporary dial-up account does tend to cause a lot of cussing, because on DSL you do get spoiled quickly. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A little boy comes home from the playground with a bloody nose, a black eye and torn clothing. It is obvious he was in a bad fight and he lost. While his father is patching him up, he asks his son what happened. "Well, Dad," says the boy, "I challenged a kid at school to a duel, and I gave him his choice of weapons." "Uh-huh," says the father, "that seems fair." "I know, but I never thought he'd choose his big sister!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
In a small town in the Northeast, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned that the factory might be practicing discrimination, a local woman calls on the manager and asks him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak? Dumb? Cantankerous? What?" "Not at all, ma'am," the manager replies. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Camping Coolers Before storing your coolers between camping trips, wash, dry completely and fill with crumpled newspapers. This will eliminate musty odors and mildew. It also works for camper refrigerators and iceboxes. If the coolers are properly washed with dish soap or water with a little bit of bleach, and then dried open in bright sunlight for a day, they can be stacked upside down in a shed, garage, camper or boat. Fridges are best stored with the door open. If the fridge is big enough for a small kid or pet to crawl in, you are required by law to remove the door or chain it open. Newspapers are still a good idea for hiking boots and fishing boots and waders. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Amazing Images: The Best Science Photos of the Week
___________________________________________________ An aged farmer and his wife are leaning against the edge of their pigpen when the old woman wistfully recalls that the next week will mark their golden wedding anniversary. "Let's have a party, Homer," she suggests. "We can kill a pig." The farmer scratches his grizzled head. "Gee," he says, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened 50 years ago." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
The old family doctor still makes house calls. One afternoon he is called to a house where a housewife is in terrible pain. He goes into the bedroom to examine her. The doctor comes out of the bedroom after only a minute and asks her husband, "Do you have a hammer?" The puzzled husband goes to the garage and returns with a hammer. The doctor thanks him and goes back into the bedroom. A minute later, he comes out and asks, "Do you have a chisel?" The husband gets him one. In the next 10 minutes, the doctor asks for and receives a pair of pliers, a screwdriver and a hacksaw. The last request gets to the man. "What are you doing to my wife?" "Not a thing," replies the doctor. "I can't get my instrument bag open." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 21 in
1680 The Pueblo Indians drove the Spanish out and took
possession of Santa Fe, NM. 

1831 Nat Turner, a former slave, led a violent insurrection
in Virginia. He was later executed. 

1841 A patent for venetian blinds was issued to John
Hampton. 

1878 The American Bar Association was formed by a group of
lawyers, judges and law professors in Saratoga, NY. 

1888 The adding machine was patented by William Burroughs. 

1923 In Kalamazoo, Michigan, an ordinance was passed
forbidding dancers from gazing into the eyes of their
partner. 

1943 Japan evacuated the Aleutian island of Kiaska. Kiaska
had been the last North American foothold held by the
Japanese. 

1945 U.S. President Truman ended the Lend-Lease program
that had shipped about $50 billion in aid to America's
Allies during World War II. 

1959 Hawaii became the 50th state. U.S. President
Eisenhower also issued the order for the 50 star flag. 

1963 In South Vietnam, martial law was declared. Army
troops and police began to crack down on the Buddhist anti-
government protesters. 

1984 Clint Eastwood was given a star on the Hollywood Walk
of Fame. 

1989 Voyager 2, a U.S. space probe, got close to the
Neptune moon called Triton. 

1991 The hard-line coup against Soviet President Mikhail
Gorbachev ended. The uprising that led to the collapse was
led by Russian federation President Boris Yeltsin. 

1993 NASA lost contact with the Mars Observer spacecraft.
The fate of the spacecraft was unknown. The mission cost
$980 million. 

1994 Ernesto Zedillo won the Mexican presidential election.

1997 Hudson Foods Inc. closed a plant in Nebraska after it
had recalled 25 million pounds of ground beef that was
potentially contaminated with E. coli 01557:H7. It was the
largest food recall in U.S. history. 

1997 Afghanistan suspended its embassy operations in the
United States. 

2002 In Pakistan, President General Pervez Musharraf
unilaterally amended the Pakistani constitution. He
extended his term in office and granted himself powers that
included the right to dissolve parliament. 

2003 In Ghana, businessman Gyude Bryant was selected to
oversee the two-year power-sharing accord between Liberia's
rebels and the government. The accord was planned to guide
the country out of 14 years of civil war.

2018  smiled.
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Multiple data plug-in units 




Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, August 20

Still smokey and cold ash falling. Feels weird, like tiny
drops of rain, that evaporate, before they hit the
sidewalk, and don't leave a dark spot. Reminds me that we
are lucky. We only have smoke and ash, on the other side of
the Rockies they have 600 wild fires, most of them out of
control. I sure feel sorry for those people!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award:
Police arrest man after third 
break-in in one week at same daycare

______________________________________________________
Today, August 20 in
1741 Danish navigator Vitus Jonas Bering, sailing for the
Russian navy, discovered Alaska. 
Outsiders first discovered Alaska in 1741 when Danish
explorer Vitus Jonassen Bering sighted it on a voyage from
Siberia. Russian whalers and fur traders on Kodiak Island
established the first settlement in Alaska in 1784.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget. --- Thomas Szasz, ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Steve considers himself fairly strong, but was dismayed that that he couldn't even lift the 35 pound barbell in the Sporting Goods area. He tried but just simply couldn't lift it. So he tried the 15 pound bar. He still couldn't budge it and looked quite depressed about his own physical strength. I have never done any weight lifting, but after spending many years in the bush and in mines, those silly toys looked like no problem at all. So I grabbed one and yanked it up with a good tug, - and knocked the display over. OOOPS! That's when we realized they had been epoxied onto the shelves. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to María Guadalupe for this story: Two Mexicans are riding along Pacific Coast Highway on a motorcycle. They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the Mexicans ask him for a lift. He tells them he has no room in as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls. The Mexicans put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back with their bike will he take them and he agrees. They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of the trailer, so the driver shuts the doors and gets on his way. By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down. Sure enough the Highway Patrol pulls him over for speeding. The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which he replies jokingly-- "Mexican eggs". The policeman obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look. He opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it. He gets on his radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible. The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires so many officers. "I've got a Tractor-trailer here with 20,000 Mexican eggs in it - 2 have hatched and they have already managed to steal a motorcycle. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A woman loses both ears in an accident. A plastic surgeon she consults tells her that ear transplants are still in the testing stage, but he will do what he can. The woman undergoes the operation, and after a time she returns to the surgeon's office to have the bandages removed and the stitches taken out. After examining her, the doctor tells her everything seems to have gone well, and she seems pleased with his work. The next day, however, she calls the plastic surgeon in a rage. "You know what you did?" she screams. "You gave me a man's ears." "Well," says the surgeon, "an ear is an ear. What's wrong? Can't you hear?" "I hear everything," she says. "The problem is I don't understand anything I'm told." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Liddell McGrier, 43, Jacksonville, Florida Police arrest man after third break-in in one week at same daycare A man is facing charges after officers found him hiding in the ceiling of a Jacksonville day care. Taki Starkes-Parrish said she had just left Juzt Kidz Learning Center on Winton Road Sunday when she got a call from her security company. Taki Starkes-Parrish, Owner The company told her there was an unauthorized entry to her day care – for the third time in a week. The suspected burglar – 43-year-old Liddell McGrier – was still there when she and police got there. Officers surrounded the building and found him inside the attic. “He had literally punched a hole in the ceiling, climbed into it some type of way,” Starkes-Parrish said. They could literally see the insulation going up and down, up and down. Guess he was breathing hard.” Starkes-Parrish said Mcgrier fell through the ceiling as officers tried to escort him out of the attic. “It’s a great deal of damages,” she said. “You can see insulation, you can see sheet rock all on the floor.” McGrier is facing a burglary charge. Starkes-Parrish said she believes he’s behind two other break-ins at the daycare. A computer, food and paper goods were stolen. Starkes- Parrish said the burglar or burglars also made sandwiches during the break-ins. “If you were hungry, I mean really, we would’ve fed you,” she said. She said she is grateful to the officers who arrested him. “To go up in a dark attic and look for a criminal who could’ve actually had a gun, could’ve had a knife. They put themselves in harm's way and I’m just really grateful.”
From: Jerry Re: Multi-Plug-In unit Dear Webby First of all, thanx for offering the large type option to those of us who are superannuated. I go back to the days when your connections to accessories (printers, scanners, etc.) and you had many sizes and fittings. My Dell (surprise) has only a few ports for my accessories. Is there a multi-plug unit available so I can keep my connectors in one place? Thank you Jerry Dear Jerry Yes, there sure is. There are some, rather expensive, docking stations still qavailable from the days when we had serial and parallel ports and things like that. Nowadays everything connects via USB ports. All you need is one or two USB hubs, and maybe a USB extension cord. Plug the USB extension cord into the computer and bring it up to the monitor. Attach your USB hubs to the side of the monitor, where they USB outlets SHOULD be. Anybody listening? The monitor runs off USB and could easily handle a dozen USB sockets! Glue or velcro your USB hubs to the side of the monitor. Attach the chinzy short cable of the first USB hub to your USB extension cable, and connect the short cable of the second hub into one socket on the first hub. You can, if necesary, daisy-chain any number of USB hubs like that. After you glue the hubs to the side of the monitor, you can plug and UNplug devices without crawling under the desk and messing around in the dark. With the new, flat monitors you can glue the hubs behind it, so that just the sockets stick out on the side. You will be the envy of all your acquaintances. Monitors with built in USB hubs won't be available for a few years yet. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Two confirmed bachelors are talking and their conversation drifts from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook last Christmas," says the first, "but I could never do anything with it." "Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asks the second. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way, 'Take a clean dish and ...'" -------------- I have a few years ago reverted to being an untamed bachelor, but I learned in the 70s that washing dishes is the best way to heal hands, that have work related wounds, especially concrete sores. So I quite enjoy washing dishes. Putting them away is another story, though :D
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two sweet young ladies are driving through Louisiana. When they reach the town of Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the name. They argue back and forth until they stop for lunch. As they stand at the counter, one asks the manager, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please tell us where we are? We're having trouble deciding how to pronounce it." The manager leans over the counter and says, "Goodness Gwecious Nee, you ahh at Belga Kink." (Burger King) ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Meat Make multiple meals with the same cut of meat. For example, if you buy ham or roast, plan on making a large pot of soup with the leftovers. Whole chickens can be less expensive than chicken pieces and the bones can be used for soup stock. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Italian Sculpture Garden
___________________________________________________ Ancient Classic: Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat. He said "Jack, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother, and said, 'Here, try these on.' "So, she did and said, 'These are too big, I can't wear them.' "I replied, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' "Ever since that night we have never had any problems." "Hmmm, "said Jack. He thought that might be a good thing to try. So on his honeymoon, Jack took off his pants and said to Jill, "Here try these on." So she did and said, "These are too large, they don't fit me." Jack said, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will, and I don't want you to ever forget that." Then Jill took off her pants and handed them to Jack and said, "Here, you try on mine." So he did and said, "I can't get into your pants." Jill said, "Exactly. And if you don't change your smart ass attitude, you never will." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A man is away on a business trip for a few days, and when he returns, his wife tells him that the dog really missed him. "She spent every night at the front door, awaiting your return," she says. "What an example of true love," her husband replies. "I wonder if you would be that concerned about me?" "Honey," she answers, "if you were gone overnight, and I didn't know where you were, you can be sure I'd be waiting for you at the front door, marble rolling pin in hand." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 20 in
1741 Danish navigator Vitus Jonas Bering, sailing for the
Russian navy, discovered Alaska. 
Outsiders first discovered Alaska in 1741 when Danish
explorer Vitus Jonassen Bering sighted it on a voyage from
Siberia. Russian whalers and fur traders on Kodiak Island
established the first settlement in Alaska in 1784.

1866 The National Labor Union in the U.S. advocated an
eight-hour workday. 

1866 It was formally declared by U.S. President Andrew
Johnson that the American Civil War was over. The fighting
had stopped months earlier. 

1882 Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture" debuted in Moscow. 

1914 German forces occupied Brussels, Belgium, during World
War I. 

1918 The British opened its Western Front offensive during
World War I. 

1923 The first American dirigible, the "Shenandoah," was
launched in Lakehurst, NJ. The ship began its maiden voyage
from the same location on September 4. 

1940 France fell to the Germans during World War II. 

1953 It was announced by the Soviet Union that they had
detonated a hydrogen bomb. 

1955 In Morocco and Algeria hundreds of people were killed
in anti-French rioting. 

1955 Colonel Horace A. Hanes, a U.S. Air Force pilot, flew
to an altitude of 40,000 feet. Hanes reached a speed of
822.135 miles per hour in a Super Sabrejet. 

1967 The New York Times reported about a noise reduction
system for album and tape recording developed by
technicians R. and D.W. Dolby. Elektra Record's subsidiary,
Checkmate Records became the first label to use the new
Dolby process in its recordings. 

1968 The Soviet Union and other Warsaw Pact nations began
invading Czechoslovakia to crush the "Prague Spring"
liberalization. 

1977 Voyager 2 was launched by the United States. The
spacecraft was carrying a 12 inch copper phonograph record
containing greetings in dozens of languages, samples of
music and sounds of nature. 

1985 The original Xerox 914 copier was presented to the
Smithsonian Institute's Museum of American History. Chester
Carlson was the man who invented the machine. 

1991 A rally of more than 100,000 people occurred outside
the Russian parliament building to protest the coup that
removed Gorbachev from power. 

1997 NATO troops seized six police stations in Banja Luka
that had been held by troops controlled by former Bosnian
Serb President Radovan Karadzic. 

1997 Britain began voluntary evacuation of its Caribbean
island of Montserrat due to the volcanic activity of the
Soufriere Hills. 

1998 Canada's Supreme Court announced that Quebec could not
secede without the federal government's consent. 

1998 U.S. military forces attacked a terrorist camp in
Afghanistan and a chemical plant in Sudan. Both targets
were chosen for cruise missile strikes due to their
connection with Osama bin Laden. 

1998 The U.N. Security Council extended trade sanctions
against Iraq for blocking arms inspections. 

2010 The last American combat brigade exited Iraq after
more than seven years after the U.S.-led invasion began. 

2018  smiled.
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If Mailwasher seems stuck 




Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, August 19

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award:
Brit vacationer demands compensation because
there were too many Spaniards in Spain

______________________________________________________
Today, August 19 in
1960 Two dogs were launched in a satellite into Earth's
orbit by the Soviet Union. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
- More quotations on: [Morning] No one goes there nowadays, it's too crowded. --- Yogi Berra (1925 - ) If you look good and dress well, you don't need a purpose in life. --- Robert Pante ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The new preacher was a dead ringer for Conway Twitty. One day he decided to visit some of the church members who hadn't been to service lately. He went to the first lady's house and knocked on the door. When she answered the door, she said, "Conway Twitty!" "No ma'am," he replied. "I'm your new pastor, and I just stopped by to have a prayer with you." So she said come right on in. He visited several more homes, and everyone thought he was Conway Twitty. Then he came to a widow woman's house on the end of the street. She was taking a shower at the time, so she just wrapped a towel around her and opened the door. When she saw her caller, she threw up her hands - which allowed the towel to fall to the floor. "Oh my God!" she exclaimed. "It's Conway Twitty!" And he said, "Hello, Darlin!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A minister was asked to inform a man with a heart condition that he had just inherited a million dollars. Everyone was afraid the shock would give him a heart attack. So the minister went to the man's house and said, "Joe, what would you do if you inherited a million dollars?" And Joe said, "Well, pastor, I think I would give half of it to the church." At which the pastor fell over dead. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ There was a very wealthy 70 year-old man who had just married a beautiful 25-year-old young lady. One of his long time friends said to him, "How did you get that gorgeous woman to marry a 70 year-old guy like you?" The man leaned over and whispered to his friend, "It was easy. I simply told her that I was 90 and had heart problems, and she instantly fell in love with me." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Freda Jackson, 81, Blackburn, Lancashire, England Brit vacationer demands compensation because there were too many Spaniards in Spain Toni Mayor, the President of the Benidorm Hotel Owners Association, thinks Brits keep complaining about things just so they can get compensation. He was reacting to the case of Freda Jackson, an 81-year-old British grandmother, who recently said there were too many Spanish people at her hotel in Benidorm. Ms Jackson, from Blackburn, Lancashire, said: ‘The hotel was full of Spanish holidaymakers and they really got on our nerves because they were just so rude. ‘One evening a Spanish guy nearly knocked me flying and he just walked off without even apologising. ‘The entertainment in the hotel was all focused and catered for the Spanish – why can’t the Spanish go somewhere else for their holidays?’ She had demanded compensation from Thomas Cook after calling the locals rude and saying they got on her nerves.
From: Ann Re: Mailwasher stuck Dear Webby Could you tell me why Mail Washer Pro, isn't working right??? All of a sudden, I have to separate the spam myself, and the icon doesn't blink anymore when new e mail arrives. Yesterday, it stopped working altogether and all my mail went into my outlook, I unchecked the boxes, send and receive e mail on start up and, check for messages every so many minutes Thanks Ann Dear Ann I had to ask the good folks at MailWasher about that. Jeremy told me that it seems that a power failure or crash shut it down too quickly, before it could tuck it's marbles away and close it's restore bin and training archive. No panic. Click on HELP, About, and on the link to where those files are at the bottom there. Then close MailWasher. Windows can't delete those files while MailWasher is trying to open them. Once MailWasher is closed, delete the "Trash.rot135" file and the "Training" Folder. After that MailWasher will start up normally and work fine. Jeremy also suggested that you might be due for a free update to the current version. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. Entertain. And stay home at night!" An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Girl, if that's all you want, get a TV!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money at Starbucks Save money at Starbucks by ordering smaller beverages. If you currently order a grande, try scaling back to a tall. You can also try to make Starbucks a reward rather than a daily habit. It's a bit beyond me why anybody would want to pay big money for burned dish water, no refills, and work as waiter or waitress on top of it. Must be some weird cult! Luckily there are usually some restaurants close by, where one can get a sandwich and a decent coffee, with free refills, served with a smile, for what ONE paper cup of self serve burned dish water from a snooty "barista" costs at Starbucks. DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Walter the Stone Carver. Take a look at his galleries, he's very talented.
___________________________________________________ A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's department store. Shyly, he walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "Yeah... Um... I'da... I'd like to buy a bra for my wife." "What type of bra?" asked the clerk. "Type?" inquired the man. "There's more than one type?" "Look around," said the saleslady, as she brought his attention to a sea of bras in every shape, size color and material imaginable. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras," informed the sales clerk. Confused, the man asked what she meant. The saleslady said, "As I said, 4 types: The Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, the Presbyterian type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?" Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?" The lady responded plainly, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, the Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Doug and Bill were at the racetrack. Doug says, "You know, if you win $600 on a race, the track tells the government." Bill says, "Well it could be worse." Doug replies, "What could be worse than telling the government you won $600." Bill sighs, "Telling your wife." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 19 in
1812 "Old Ironsides" (the USS Constitution) won a battle
against the British frigate Guerriere east of Nova Scotia. 

1848 The discovery of gold in California was reported by
the New York Herald. 

1856 Gail Borden received a patent for his process of
condensing milk by vacuum. 

1909 The first car race to be run on brick occurred at the
Indianapolis Motor Speedway. 

1917 Team managers John McGraw and Christy Matthewson were
arrested for breaking New York City's blue laws. The crime
was their teams were playing baseball on Sunday. 

1919 Afghanistan gained independence from Britain. 

1929 "Amos and Andy," the radio comedy program, made its
debut on NBC starring Freeman Gosden and Charles Correll. 

1934 Adolf Hitler was approved for sole executive power in
Germany as Fuehrer. 

1940 The new Civil Aeronautics Administration awarded
honorary license #1 to Orville Wright. 

1942 About 6,000 Canadian and British soldiers launched a
raid against the Germans at Dieppe, France. They suffered
about 50 percent casualties. 

1960 Francis Gary Powers, an American U-2 pilot, was
convicted of espionage in Moscow. 

1960 Two dogs were launched in a satellite into Earth's
orbit by the Soviet Union. 

1974 During an anti-American protest in Nicosia, Cyprus,
U.S. Ambassador Rodger P. Davies was fatally wounded by a
bullet while in the American embassy. 

1981 Two Libyan SU-22s were shot down by two U.S. Navy F-14
fighters in the Gulf of Sidra. 

1991 Soviet hard-liners announced that President Mikhail
Gorbachev had been removed from power. Gorbachev returned
to power two days later. 

1998 The first piece of the 351 foot bronze statue of
Christopher Columbus arrived in San Juan, Puerto Rico. 

1999 In Belgrade, thousands of Serbs attended a rally to
demand the resignation of Yugoslavia's President Slobodan
Milosevic. 

2004 Google Inc. stock began selling on the Nasdaq Stock
Market. The initial price was set at $85 and ended the day
at $100.34 with more than 22 million shares traded. 

2016 A federal judge ordered Hillary Clinton to answer
questions from the watchdog group Judicial Watch in writing
about her use of a private email server while she was
secretary of state. 

2018  smiled.
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Part of a CD to bookmark or favorite 




Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, August 18

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Burglary suspect arrested after 
stealing Oklahoma deputy’s patrol car
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 18 in
1587 Virginia Dare became the first child to be born on
American soil of English parents. The colony that is now
Roanoke Island, NC, mysteriously vanished. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing. --- Michael Pritchard Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees on something or other, reach for your wallet, because you're being had. --- Michael Crichton (1942 - 2008) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen. "Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him. "I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" exclaimed Johnny. "There's a BIG ole' alligator down there!" "Now don't you mind that ole' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for many years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" "Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Jill was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car just died. It was a busy intersection and the traffic behind her starting growing. The guy in the car directly behind her started honking his horn continuously as Jill continued to try getting the car to start up again. Finally Jill gets out of her car and approaches the guy in the car behind her. "I can't seem to get my car started," Jill said, smiling. "Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can get it started for me. I'll stay here in your car and honk your horn like a demented idjit for you." ______________________________________________________ The Lady Gouldian finch is a small, multi-colored bird. Both sexes are covered in green, yellow, blue, purple, red, and black. They are endemic to Australia, preferring tropical savanna woodland habitats in the northern part of the country. In 1992, it was classified as endangered in the wild with less than 2,500 specimens. This bird is, however, popular with people and in the late 1990’s, there were over 13,000 in captivity. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the three lawyers. "Watch and you'll see," answers one of the engineers. They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the lawyers decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed lawyer. "Watch and you'll see," says one of the engineers. When they board the train the three lawyers cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the lawyers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jason Ostrom, Ninnekah, Oklahoma Burglary suspect arrested after stealing Oklahoma deputy’s patrol car An easily-identifiable suspect is behind bars after he allegedly stole a patrol car on Monday night. On Monday night, deputies with the Grady County Sheriff’s Department were investigating the burglary of a home in Ninnekah. When they arrived at the scene, deputies were able to take Jason Ostrom into custody. After handcuffing Ostrom, a deputy placed him in the backseat of a patrol car while he spoke with the victim of the burglary. According to the Chickasha Express Star, Ostrom was able to climb into the front seat and take off in the deputy’s patrol car. Authorities say Ostrom collided with the side of a Ninnekah patrol car, led officers on a chase and crashed the deputy’s car into a ditch. Ostrom was taken into custody a short time later. He is now facing charges of second-degree burglary, leaving the scene of an accident, malicious injury to property, obstructing an officer, drug possession, eluding, unauthorized use of a vehicle and escape after lawful arrest.
From: Daniel Re: CD to Favorite Dear Webby another question. is it possible to add a song that i am playing from a cd on my computer to " favorites " ? thanks again, daniel Dear Daniel With some browsers you can, but you can always make a desktop shortcut to it. It will only work when you got that particular CD in the machine. If you want it to work at all times, copy that song to the hard drive and THEN make a desktop shortcut to it. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family of seven) answered with a sad and disappointed voice, "Thou shall not kill."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says "Gonna catch some chicken." Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chicken with chicken wire!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chicken caught in it. Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand. Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks." Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it. Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy says "It's a pussy willow." Old man says "Wait up.... I'll get my hat." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use a blower or broom to clean grass clippings off your walkways and mower. Make sure to remove grass from any drains to prevent clogging. Compost bagged clippings instead of throwing them away or just leave them to mulch the lawn. If you try composting lawn grass, make sure you mix in fluff, or it will kill your compost. Anything loose will work. Peat moss is fine, left over garden soil, kitchen garbage, shredded cardboard, etc. Without that you will get a locking layer that will stop the compost from working until you dig it over into the alternate bin. Usually it is much easier to just mulch the lawn clippings right back onto the lawn. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Tattooing in the Civil War Was a Hedge Against Anonymous Death
___________________________________________________ A man in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited. "Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!" the man said. "Aw, Dad, it's okay" the son said. "The police car right behind us did the same thing." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Walking through the hallways at the middle school where I work, I saw a new substitute teacher standing outside his classroom with his forehead against a locker. I heard him mutter, "How did you get yourself into this?" Knowing that he was assigned to a difficult class, I tried to offer moral support. "Are you okay?" I asked. "Can I help?" He lifted his head and replied, "I'll be fine as soon as I get this kid out of his locker." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 18 in
1227 The Mongol conqueror Ghengis Khan died. 

1587 Virginia Dare became the first child to be born on
American soil of English parents. The colony that is now
Roanoke Island, NC, mysteriously vanished. 

1846 Gen. Stephen W. Kearney and his U.S. forces captured
Santa Fe, NM. 

1894 The Bureau of Immigration was established by the U.S.
Congress. 

1914 The "Proclamation of Neutrality" was issued by U.S.
President Woodrow Wilson. It was aimed at keeping the U.S.
out of World War I. 

1919 The "Anti-Cigarette League of America" was formed in
Chicago IL. 

1937 The first FM radio construction permit was issued in
Boston, MA. The station went on the air two years later. 

1938 The Thousand Islands Bridge was dedicated by U.S.
President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The bridge connects the
U.S. and Canada. 

1940 Canada and the U.S. established a joint defense plan
against the possible enemy attacks during World War II. 

1958 Vladimir Nabokov's novel "Lolita" was published. 

1963 James Meredith graduated from the University of
Mississippi. He was the first black man to accomplish this
feat. 

1966 The first pictures of earth taken from moon orbit were
sent back to the U.S. 

1990 The first shots were fired by the U.S. in the Persian
Gulf Crisis when a U.S. frigate fired rounds across the bow
of an Iraqi oil tanker. 

1991 An unsuccessful coup was attempted against President
Mikhail S. Gorbachev. The Soviet hard-liners were
responsible. Gorbechev and his family were effectively
imprisoned for three days while vacationing in Crimea. 

1997 Beth Ann Hogan became the first coed in the Virginia
Military Institute's 158-year history. 

1998 Mrs. Field's Original Cookies announced that they
would acquire the Great American Cookie Co. 

2004 Donald Trump unveiled his board game (TRUMP the Game)
where players bid on real estate, buy big ticket items and
make billion-dollar business deals.

2018  smiled.


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Remove, he said 




Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, August 17
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


The smoke is back. 
BC has 566 wildfires burning out of control and flying
embers and burning branches starting new fires every day. 

So far this year more than 1,800 fires have charred some
380,000 hectares (939,000 acres).

Last year saw 1.2m hectares (2,965,264 acres) scorched by
fires raging in the BC province. 
Even though that is only aboout one third of the fires from
last year and a long way from a record, we seem to get
more
smoke than usual.
Yukon, please send us some fresh, cool air!

Congratulations to Gary and Pam, subscribers in the Yukon,
who are getting married today!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man arrested for smashing police cruiser 
window with a brick charged with a hate crime
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 17 in
1998 U.S. President Clinton admitted to having an improper
relationship with Monica Lewinsky, a White House intern.  
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Frank Wilczek (1951 - ) Silent gratitude isn't very much use to anyone. --- Gertrude Stein (1874 - 1946) Today's scientists have substituted mathematics for experiments, and they wander off through equation after equation, and eventually build a structure which has no relation to reality. --- Nikola Tesla, Modern Mechanics and Inventions, July, 1934 (Tesla was the inventor of ALL the AC motors) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility. One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't looked after it?" After a moment, her 5-year-old son replied quizzically, "Er.... Once?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ IF WEBSITES HAD WARNING LABELS Google: "Warning! You may actually find more than what you're looking for." Blogs: "Will cause drowsiness." Microsoft: "Warning! Bill Gates isn't *ever* going to share his money with YOU." Facebook: "Age, gender, and attractiveness of members may differ from what is posted." Apple Computers: "Warning! High Smug Advisory." Wikipedia: "Warning label does not exist. Would you like to create warning label?" iTunes: "Be alert for falling album sales and shifting music industry paradigms." YouTube: "Warning! Contents may be stupid." Match.com: "Contents may just be fictitious." ______________________________________________________ Commuter Broom _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ If the car ad claims... It really means: - rough condition... too bad to lie about - parts car... beyond repair - immaculate... recently washed - engine quiet... if you use 90-weight oil - needs minor overhaul... needs engine - needs major overhaul... Phone the junkyard - burns no oil... (it all leaks out) - rebuilt engine... Cleaned the spark plugs. - Drive it away... I live on a hill. - Drive it anywhere... (within 10 miles) - desirable classic... No one wants it. - rare classic... No one wanted it even when it was new. - stored 20 years... (in a farmer's field) - ran when stored... Won't start - my grandmother's car... First gear is worn out - good rubber.... A few years ago - needs inspection.... Can't find a mechanic who will lie - was just driven by a little old lady... I actually fell for that when I was a new immigrant in 1970. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Devon Adams-Almstad, 20, Hartford, Connecticut Man arrested for smashing police cruiser window with a brick charged with a hate crime A police department in the state of Connecticut is arguing that recent attacks against police officers involving a man who threw bricks through a cruiser window are guilty of committing a “hate crime.” Why? Because the man said he “hated white cops.” Ironically, the suspect himself is white. What a world we live in, right? You can’t make this stuff up. A Connecticut police department is arguing that attacks against officers count as a hate crime after a man threw a brick through a cruiser window and reportedly said he “hates white cops.” The Hartford Courant reported that 20-year-old Devon Adams- Almstad was charged with first-degree criminal mischief, assault on police, reckless endangerment, hate crime and breach of peace after throwing the brick that narrowly missed an officer’s head and left him with cuts from the window’s broken glass. According to the police report, the man claimed he “he hates white police officers because they shoot black people and that he hates all of us” at some point during the incident. Perhaps a nice stint in prison will help straighten this guy out and help him grow up a bit. Nayve it is not too late to cleanse his brain of liberalism and try to make something out of his life.
From: Hugh@ Yahoo Re: REMOVE! Hugh Roberts wrote: Please remove my address from all your servers. Dear Hugh You don't have an account with us and I can't remove your address from anything. Most likely you have been fooled by some spoofs, that were sent to you by the Yahoo Spoof&Spam server. Can't help you there. You will have to contact Yahoo yourself. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A church had a man in the choir who couldn't sing. Several people hinted to him that he could serve in other places, but he continued to come to the choir. The choir director became desperate and went to the pastor. "You've got to get that man out of the choir," he said. "If you don't, I'm going to resign. The choir members are going to quit too. Please do something." So the pastor went to the man and suggested, "Perhaps you should leave the choir." "Why should I get out of the choir?" he asked. "Well, five or six people have told me you can't sing." That's nothing," the man snorted. "Fifty people have told me that you can't preach!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
FACTS OF LIFE Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content. Home is where you can say anything you like, 'cause nobody listens to you anyway. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. I don't have a big ego. I'm way too cool for that. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'? Regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while driving. If God had intended for man to use the metric system, Jesus would have only had ten disciples! I have learned there is little difference in husbands, you might as well keep the first. Travel is very educational. I can now say "Kaopectate" in seven different languages. I was on a date recently, and the guy took me horseback riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters." Women should not have children after 35. Really... 35 children are enough. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys. After all is said and done, usually more is said than done. I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been giving me lately! "No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning." I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign: CHECKOUT TIME IS 18." "How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?" How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on. On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was... surrounded by trees and bushes. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Workshop Outlets Clean Getting sawdust or other matter in your outlets can be dangerous. Put child safety covers on outlets that are not in use in your workshop. You can use a vacuum or canned air to clean them out. DON'T use canned air! Don't even allow it near your house! If you HAVE to fling sawdust and stuff into your eyes and down your cleavage, use a tire pump, either a manual or an electric one. Those cheap 12 Volt emergency tire pumps connected to a trickle-charger work quite fine, especially for blowing across epoxy varnish to suck the bubbles out. But don't let those air cans near your house if you have teens! They "huff" the stuff to get high, and every year a bunch of them die. Ideal is an old canister vaccuum placed outside and in a large plastic garbage can with a hole in the lid. The plastic garbage can muffles the noise, and you can attach a return hose to bring the filtered air back inside. If you don't have a return hose, the air removed by the vacuum is replaced by uncontrolled drafts, which might be quite undesirable in some climates. By the way, vaccum cleaner extension hoses cost $25 - $50 at the store. Vacuum cleaners that don't work any more, are $2 - $5 at garage sales. You can join different model hoses with a short piece of bicycle inner tube and a hose clamp or a tie made from haywire. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Let's wander Mongolia
___________________________________________________ Traveling through New England, a motorist stopped for gas in a tiny village. "What's this place called?" he asked the station attendant. "All depends," the native drawled. "Do you mean by them that has to live in this dad-blamed, moth-eaten, dust- covered dump, or by them that's merely enjoying its quaint and picturesque rustic charms for a short spell ?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Every morning for years, at about 11:30, the telephone operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call from a man asking the exact time. One day the operator summed up nerve enough to ask him why the regularity. "I'm foreman of the local sawmill," he explained. "Every day I have to blow the whistle at noon so I call you to get the exact time." The operator giggled, "That's really funny," she said. "All these year we've been setting our clock by your whistle. ____________________________________________________

Today, August 17 in
1790 The capital city of the U.S. moved to Philadelphia
from New York City. 

1807 Robert Fulton's "North River Steam Boat" (known as the
"Clermont") began heading up New York's Hudson River on its
successful round-trip to Albany. 

1815 Napoleon began serving his exile when he arrived at
the island of St. Helena. 

1859 A hot air balloon was used to carry mail for the first
time. John Wise left Lafayette, IN, for New York City with
100 letters. He had to land after only 27 miles. 

1863 Federal batteries and ships bombarded Fort Sumter in
Charleston, SC, harbor during the Civil War. 

1896 The Klondike gold rush was set off by George Carmack
discovering gold on Rabbit Creek in the Yukon, Canada. 

1903 Joseph Pulitzer donated a million dollars to Columbia
University. This started the Pulitzer Prizes in his name. 

1915 Charles F. Kettering received a patent for the first
electric ignition device. It had been used for many years,
but never patented.

1943 The Allied conquest of Sicily was completed as U.S.
and British forces entered Messina. 

1945 The nationalists of Indonesia declared their
independence from the Netherlands. 

1961 The Communist East German government completed the
construction of the Berlin Wall. 

1977 Florists Transworld Delivery (FTD) reported that in
one day the number of orders for flowers to be delivered to
Graceland had surpassed the number for any other event in
the company's history. 

1978 Maxie Anderson, Ben Abruzzo and Larry Newman became
the first to land after a successful trans-Atlantic balloon
flight. The voyage began in Presque Isle, ME and ended in
Miserey, France. 

1982 The U.S. Senate approved an immigration bill that
granted permanent resident status to illegal aliens who had
arrived in the United States before 1977. 

1985 A year-long strike began when 1,400 Geo. A. Hormel and
Co. meat packers walked off the job. 

1992 Woody Allen admitted to being romantically involved
with Soon-Yi Previn. The girl was the adopted daughter of
Mia Farrow, Allen's longtime companion. 

1996 A military cargo plane crashed in Wyoming killing
eight crewmembers and a Secret Service employee. The plane
was carrying gear for U.S. President Clinton. 

1998 U.S. President Clinton admitted to having an improper
relationship with Monica Lewinsky, a White House intern. 

1998 NationsBank and BankAmerica merge to create the
largest U.S. bank. 

1998 Russia devalued the ruble. 

2002 In Santa Rosa, CA, the Charles M. Schulz Museum opened
to the public. 

2018  smiled.


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