Monday, February 8, 2010, 10:28 PM
Good Morning, !
It's Tuesday, February 9, 2010
All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
--- Sean O'Casey
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones
who will choose your rest home.
--- Phyllis Diller
The basketball coach stormed into the University President's office
and demanded a raise right then and there.
"Please," protested the college President, "you already make more
than the entire History department."
"Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with,"
the coach blustered. "Look, I'll Give you an example."
The coach went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging
down the hallway.
"Run over to my office and see if I'm there," he ordered.
Three minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath.
"You're not there, sir," he reported.
"Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the University President,
scratching his head. "I would have phoned first."
A man went to get his driver's license renewed. The line
inched along for almost an hour until the man finally got his
license. He inspected his photo for a moment and
commented to the clerk,
"I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty
grouchy in this picture."
The clerk looked at his picture closely. "It's okay," she
reassured the man. "That's how you're going to look when
the cops pull you over anyway."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Roger Mayes, 49, of Pinson, Alabama
Can't cope with gas station
PINSON, Ala. (UPI) -- Police in Alabama said a man drove
his truck through a gas station's plate-glass window because
he was angry about a pre-pay-only pump.
County resident Roger Mayes, 49, was charged with attempted
murder, Jefferson County Chief Deputy Randy Christian said
Police said Mayes angrily stormed into the BP service station
convenience store in Pinson about 6:45 a.m. Sunday and
complained the pump he was trying to use was not turned
on, The Birmingham (Ala.) News reported Wednesday.
Christian said the service station had a pre-pay only system
because of too many pump-and-runs, and Mayes's pump had
not been turned on because he hadn't paid yet.
"You are going to die and go to hell," the chief deputy quoted
Mayes as telling the store clerk.
Investigators said Mayes left the store, got back into his 2001
Ford Explorer and drove the sport utility vehicle through the
window of the shop, crashing through the coffee counter and
cashier's counter.
"If the clerk had not jumped out the way, he would have run
over the clerk," Christian said.
Mayes was subdued with a stun gun after he attempted to
charge an arresting deputy, police said. He was charged
with attempted murder and resisting arrest and jailed on
$63,000 bond.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Eileen
Re: Text too small
Dear Webby,
I've read your site for quite a while & truly love it.
I have a question I hope you can give an easy solution to.
I lost use of my computer a few weeks ago & it had to be
completely restored. That is done, but I'm trying to find
out how to enlarge the text. Before it died on me, I had
an icon allowing me to enlarge the text, but that is no
longer there. Is there a way I can enlarge it on my own?
Many thanks for any help you're able to give me.
I am not too computer literate but am able to follow
easy directions.
Eileen
Dear Eileen
RIGHT Click on the desk top
Properties
Settings
Advanced
General
and in there choose a larger or CUSTOM setting for the fonts.
In a browser you can also usually hold down CTRL and roll
the scroll wheel on the mouse to zoom font sizes.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
The young teacher of the earth science class was lecturing
on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude,
degrees and minutes the teacher asked Morris,
"Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 25 degrees,
4 minutes north latitude and 130 degrees, 15 minutes West
longitude...?"
After a confused silence and a glance at Google Earth,
Morris replied, "I guess you'd be eating alone.
That's halfway to Hawaii, and I can't swim."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Safe and Friendly Drain Cleaner
To safely clean drains, I pour baking soda into the drain
followed by table salt. If the clog isn't bad, I just use cold
water to flush it down. If the clog is bad, you will need to use
boiling water. Since this will not harm pipes or the environment,
you can use this weekly to keep drains from becoming clogged.
By Kris from New Albany, IN
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Randy, was on a hunting trip up in West Virginia. He
became rather cold and thirsty so decided to stop in at
his Mother in law's place and ask for something to drink.
She said, "You look really cold, how about a bowl of
soup."
There was a wee Vietnamese pig running around the
kitchen, running up to Randy and giving him a great deal of
attention.Randy commented, "That pig sure is friendly."
Bill, his father in law replied:
"Arnold's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request .
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
A study conducted by the American Psychiatric
Association (ASA) today showed that over 40% of the
practicing psychiatrists in the U.S. were themselves
receiving psychiatric treatment of some kind.
A spokeswoman for the ASA said the public should not be
concerned, as the remainder were undergoing intensive
drug-therapy.
-----
You gotta be nuts to go see a shrink! (Beetle Bailey)
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Well, , that's all for today.
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your
favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and
greet you properly from then on.
If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend,
but don't have time to subscribe her or him,
just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you.
To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to humor@webby.com
If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time,
then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift
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Filtering spam from multiple addresses
Sunday, February 7, 2010, 11:47 PM
Good Morning, !
It's Monday, February 8, 2010
It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.
--- Mick Jagger
If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.
--- Isaac Newton
The class assignment was to write about something
unusual that happened during the past week.
Little Susie got up to read hers,
"My brother was fighting with me, and he fell in the well
last week..." she began.
"Good heavens," shrieked Mrs. Koop. "Is he all right now?"
"He must be," said Little Susie. "He stopped yelling yesterday."
The nice part about living in a small town is that when you
don't know what you're doing, everybody else does,
often long before you actually get around to doing it.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a 26 year old shoplifter in Riverton, Wyoming
Dumbest shoplifter
RIVERTON, Wyo. — Police say a man suspected of stealing a
bottle of Schnapps from a Wyoming grocery store didn’t have the
best escape route planned.
Riverton police say the 26-year-old ran out of the store after
grabbing the bottle of liquor and a package of cough drops
Wednesday and hid in a nearby building, which happened to
be the police station.
Police say the man then ran out of the police station, but not
before a dispatcher had spied him on the station’s surveillance
camera and alerted officers.
The man, who police say was drunk, was caught soon after.
He was taken into custody on preliminary charges of resisting
arrest and shoplifting.
A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night.
All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out.
"Jesus is gonna get you."
The robber ignored it, and unplugs the TV.
Again, the parrot cries out.
"Jesus is gonna get you."
The robber started to get a little worried.
"What's your name, birdie?"
"Moses."
"What dummy named you Moses?"
"The same dummy who called his rottweiler Jesus."
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Rosie
Re: too many addresses to check
Dear Webby
I have a bunch of different addresses, so that if any one
company sells my address, I can just dump that address.
That works fairly well, but over the years, they have gotten
onto various spam lists anyway. Is there a way I can weed
out the spam on many addresses at the same time, or do
I need to buy a spam protection program for each address?
Rosie
Dear Rosie
With MailWasher you can check as many different addresses
as you want all at the same time. They can be at totally
different providers.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After his check up, the doctor called his wife into his
office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a
very serious disease, combined with horrible stress.
If you don't do the following, your husband will die.
Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast.
Be reasonably pleasant and try to get him into a good mood.
For lunch, fix him something hot.
For dinner, prepare something hot and fairly nutritious.
For a while, don't burden him too much with unnecessary chores.
Try not to discuss your stress about the house work and the
soap operas too much when he is worrying about the
family business, that would just make him feel worse.
And most importantly, you must be intimate with your
husband at least one day of every week.
If you can do this for at least 10 months to a year,
I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife,
"What did the doctor say to you?"
"You're gonna die."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Pledge Cleans More Than Wood
If you look on the back of your Pledge bottle, you will see that
Pledge not only polishes your wood, but is also great for
cleaning stainless steel, leather, granite and marble. I love it,
especially for my stainless steel appliances and leather couches.
I've tried at least 5 different expensive stainless steel cleaners
and pledge outshines them all! It gently cleans to leave a
brilliant shine that resists fingerprints. I also use it on my
leather couches and it works better than any of the expensive
leather cleaners I used to use. Plus, as an added bonus, I
have a lot more space in my cleaning cabinet now that 3
cleaners have been replace by 1. A win win win all around!
By Christi from Lake Worth
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
(This one you have to read out loud)
"Information? I need the number for Caseway Trasnport."
"Would you spell that, please?"
"Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as
in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in
are. Y as in you."
"Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request .
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Just saw a headline on the news ticker:
"Scientists say English Foot and Mouth out of control"
hmmm, I know some Irish who have been saying that for years!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today.
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Saturday, February 6, 2010, 11:49 PM
Good Morning, !
It's Sunday, February 7, 2010
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
--- Noelie Altito
One can survive everything, nowadays, except death,
and live down everything except a good reputation.
--- Oscar Wilde
Help! Help" cried the young woman as she ran up the steps
of the police station. "An Irishman molested me!"
How do you know he was Irish? inquired the sergeant at
the desk.
"I had to help him" she gasped.
In a lot of Southern towns, the influence of the Baptist
Church is felt in many different walks of life. For example,
sexual relations between two unmarried adults is illegal.
It seems, they felt, it might lead to dancing.
Blue Heron baby
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to David R. Small, 37, of Occum, Connecticut
Dim Burglar
NORWICH, Conn. - Norwich police have arrested a man with a
long list of burglary convictions on arson and burglary charges in
connection with a fire Wednesday morning at a vacant building
in Occum.
David R. Small, 37, is accused of stealing copper tubing from
a vacant building and starting a small fire in the basement during
the theft, police said.
In an interview after his arrest, police said, Small admitted starting
the fire because he needed light to see what he was doing.
Police said Small went across the street to another vacant house
in an attempt to steal more copper pipes but left when he didn’t
find any. Small was arrested while leaving the area, police said.
Angus was returning to Scotland after a year in exile
and was met at the station by his two brothers Lorne
and Neil.
"Lorne!, Neil!, What did you grow beards for while
I was away?"
Lorne replied angrily "What do you expect?
You took the razor blade with you!"
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Catherine
Re: DTX SDK license
Hi Webby:
thanks for all the good information you put out.
Can you please tell me what the following is
His came on my computer: You need a DTX SDK license!
Never heard of it-have you?
Thank You
Catherine
Dear Catherine
One of your IE tool bars was created by using a free trial version of the DTX SDK programming kit.
You have to get rid of that tool bar.
1. Open IE
2. Click on Tools
3. Click on Manage Add-ons
4. Click on Toolbars and Extensions
5. Click on each Toolbar listed to highlight and then click the disable button
6. Repeat number 5 until you have all of the toolbars disabled
7. Re-enable the toolbars one by one until you receive the error message.
This will identify the toolbar with the problem
8. Leave the bad toolbar disabled,
and write to the cheap parasites, who conned you into installing it.
There is no need to be diplomatic about it. It's quite OK to use
a free trial to see if that is indeed the program one wants, but
most definitely NOT for producing commercial software.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Church Bulletin Board Bloopers:
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for
more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and
requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
-------------
The senior choir invites any member of the congregation
who enjoy sinning to join the choir.
------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb
entertainment, and gracious hostility.
------------
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
-----------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10.
All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the
B.S. is done.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Banana Splits for Valentine's Day
I started a tradition when my oldest son was 4 years old.
Since our "sweethearts" are our children, we celebrate
Valentine's Day by having banana splits for dinner! I make
sure to have anything a person could desire for toppings.
Our dining table looks just like a malt shop. (You should see
the huge bowl of cherries that adorns the center of the
table!) All with the benefit of having a fun intimate family
meal, and the cost is the same or less than what we would
have spent if we went to eat at an ice cream shop. And we
get to keep the left over ingredients! Valentine's Day is the
one time a year my children can look forward to eating dessert
for dinner, just as they count on turkey for Thanksgiving.
It's a treat we all love! Now, we have a brood of 15, 10 and 4.
We've been celebrating Valentine's Day with banana splits for
11 years and my kids proclaim they will pass this family
tradition down to their own children some day!
By Jennifer from Hill Air Force Base, Utah
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A popular blonde cheerleader bounced into the local
card shop, looked around, then approached the clerk.
"Do you have any, like, real special birthday cards?"
she asked.
"Yes, we do," he replied. "As a matter of fact, here's
a new one. It's inscribed, "To the Man Who Was My First"
"Wow, neat!" she squealed. "I'll take the whole box."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request .
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
A woman picked up a few items in the supermarket,
then headed for the express line. The clerk had
his back turned to her, so she said, "Excuse me.
I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?"
The clerk turned, looked her up and down and
said, "Not bad looking at all, for your age."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today.
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Saturday, February 6, 2010, 12:52 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Saturday, February 6, 2010
Reality continues to ruin my life.
--- Bill Watterson
The world's as ugly as sin, and almost as delightful
--- Frederick Locker-Lampson
Did you know that .....
In Seattle, Washington residents may not carry concealed
weapons longer than six feet.
"I presume, Mrs Murphy, you carry a memento of some
sort in that locket of yours?"
"Indeed I do, sir, it's a lock of my Dan's hair."
"But your husband is still alive."
"that he is," said she "but his hair is long gone!"
OK, here are some more gators.Unfortunately, the setting sun
was behind me, so the depth of the picture is not as good as
I had tried to get.
The big meanie on the right side wanted my camera or something,
so I had to leave in a hurry.
If you click on the picture, you'll get the 1024 x 768 size.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Anthony Chiofalo, New York
Deputy locked in dog cage after DUI stop
It's hasta la pasta for the marijuana meatballs cop.
A state appeals court has upheld the NYPD's firing of a veteran
detective who blamed a failed drug test on his wife spiking his
meatballs with pot.
Anthony Chiofalo, a 22-year-veteran, challenged his 2006
termination by Commissioner Raymond Kelly, but the
Appellate Division shot it down.
The panel of judges agreed with Kelly that the high levels of
marijuana found in Chiofalo's hair samples could not have come
from accidentally ingesting the drug in food or from second-hand
smoke.
Chiofalo argued that the hair-sample test was not authorized by
the NYPD's collective-bargaining agreement with his union.
"The Court of Appeals has held that the Commissioner was
empowered to choose the method of drug testing, and that choice
was not subject to collective bargaining," the judges wrote in a
decision made public Thursday.
Chiofalo's wife, Catherine, smokes marijuana for back pain and
admitted to investigators that she laced her husband's meatballs
in hopes that he would be fired before getting killed on the job.
Casey and Riley agreed to settle their dispute by a fight,
and it was understood that whoever wanted to quit should
say "Enough."
Casey got Riley down and was hammering him unmercifully
when Riley called out several times, "Enough!"
As Casey paid no attention, but kept on administering
punishment, a bystander said, "Why don't you let him up?
Don't you hear him say that he's had enough?"
"I do," says Casey, "but he's such a liar, you can't believe
him."
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Svend
Re: SD versus SDHC chips
Dear Webby,
Thanks for your Humor Letter, I have been a subscriber for
many a year now.
Saw the piece about not being able to use SDHC cards in
Canon Powershot cameras in your Humor Letter this morning.
It must be in just some of the Powershot cameras, because my
2-year-old Powershot S5 IS uses SDHC cards just fine.
And by the way, you can get those cards for about half price
through many ebay dealers.
This is how it looked at our place yesterday.
See attached.
Thanks again.
Svend
Dear Svend
Yes, my Powershot is a S2 IS and a few years old.
It turns out that cameras made before 2006 use the old
DOS FAT16 format, which limits them to memory chips
of less than 4 GB.
Since 2006 they use the SDHC format, which is good
for up to 32 GB, or SDXC, which is good for up to 2 TB.
Using the cheap 2 GB chips is not really a problem,
as long as one knows about the limit.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Two Irish mothers were talking about their sons. The first
said, "My Patrick is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't
smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in
over two years."
The other woman said, "Well, my Francis is a saint himself.
Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in over three
years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that
time."
"My word," the first Irish mother said. "You must be so
proud."
"I am," the second mother replied. "And when he's paroled
next month, I'm going to throw him one heck of a big party."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Change Clothes in Dryer Before It Stops
When doing laundry, remove clothing from the dryer before it stops
on its own, and put the next load in. This way, the dryer doesn't cool
down and then have to heat up again for each load. The clothes are
dry by then, and if you get them folded right away, you won't need
to worry about wrinkles.
By Mary from Hummelstown, PA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Maureen was feeling a bit ill, and not recovering from a night out
anywhere near as fast as Paddy. So he sent her off to the doctor.
She came back shortly with a puzzled frown and said:
"Oh, Paddy, he wants a "Specimen", but fo the life o me I don't
know if we have one or if we can affod t'buy one!"
Paddy hemmed and hawed for a while, but couldn't figure it out
either. So he finally suggested: "me lass, why don't you go
upstairs and ask Maud O'Reilly, she used to work the streets in
town and she'll know."
So Maureen climbed up the stairs and knocked. Not a minute
later, screaming and cussing and the noise of a ferocious fight
echoed down the stairwell, soon followed by much banging
and clatter as poor Maureen came tumbling down the stairs.
As Paddy helped her up he asked her what happend.
"Oh Paddy, she's so mean! All I did was ask her what a
'specimen' was, and she told me to 'piss in abottle'!
So of course I told her to shit in a hat, and the fight was on."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request .
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer
in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and
take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked
outside.
One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend
didn't see us or recognize my pickup."
The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it
make. God knows we're in here... and he's the only one
who counts."
The first deacon countered, "But God won't tell my wife."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today.
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Can you use SDHC chips instead of SD?
Friday, February 5, 2010, 01:52 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Friday, February 5, 2010
Time to wear something red to show your support for the troops!
I won't take my religion from any man
who never works except with his mouth.
--- Carl Sandburg
If I only had a little humility, I'd be perfect.
--- Ted Turner
Pierre from Montreal was in a hotel in Edmonton and
phoned room service for some pepper.
"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.
"Noose pepper!"
The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was
asked whether or not she'd have children if she had to do
over again.
"Sure," she replied, "but not the same ones."
In the evening sun these two old gators in the Everglades
looked blue! First time I have seen that.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Samuel Monroe Bledsoe, 47 in Blountville, Tennessee
Deputy locked in dog cage after DUI stop
Feb 3, 3:38 PM (ET)
BLOUNTVILLE, Tenn. (AP) - A Tennessee sheriff's deputy arrested
on a drunken driving charge wound up in a dog house before he was
taken to the big house. The Kingsport Times-News reported the details
of a Tennessee Highway Patrol arrest report, which said 47-year-old
Samuel Monroe Bledsoe was kicking the windows of a trooper's cruiser
on his way to a hospital for a blood test.
The report said Bledsoe was then locked inside the cruiser's K-9 cage
for his safety.
Trooper David Osborne said in the report that Bledsoe performed poorly
during a field sobriety test - even after it was explained to Bledsoe 18 times.
The Sullivan County Sheriff's Office later fired Bledsoe.
Bledsoe was free Wednesday on $1,500 bond.
A married couple in New York's "Little Italy" went to
their Priest to discuss birth control, since they already
had five children. The husband inquired if perhaps
oral sex would be an acceptable substitute in the
eyes of the Church.
The Priest explained that it was still considered a sin
and frowned upon by the church.
The wife spoke up fuming:
"Look Father, you no play-a da game,
you no make-a da rules."
From the Tech Support Pits:
From:Me
Re: Can SDHC memory chips be used instead of SD
Can SDHC memory chips be used in cameras instead of SD ?
Well today I found out the hard way, in Canon cameras
you can't. They fit in just like the SD chips, and I thought
I would take along a new 8 GB chip, because I knew the
2 GB chip was getting full.
Well, it fit in OK, but the Canon Powershot camera won't
have anything to do with it.
Emma, the friendly lady at CompUSA cheerfully exchanged
it for two 2 GB chips and some cash back.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed
several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin
designed to look like an apple. I asked one nurse what the
pin signified.
"Nothing," she said with a smile.
"It's just to keep the doctors away."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Plant Veggies In Your Flower Bed
Even if you don't have garden space you can get a few homegrown
foods by adding a few choice vegetable plants to the scheme of
your flower bed. Just pick your favorite veggies in unusual varieties.
Good greens are lettuce, mustard, turnips, spinach, kale - curly or flat,
come in all shades of green, red, purple, yellow and black. You can
get cabbages in purple, red, bluish as well as green. If you get the
winter decorative cabbages they even come in pink!- and they're
still edible. You can grow beans as a great vine with flowers that
are purple or red. There is a super ornamental pepper with all
the hot colors, yellow, orange, and red, that covers the plant
with edible peppers. And of course my most favorite, tomatoes,
can be found in small or tall plants and the yellow, pink, red or
even white fruit. They all add just as much color and texture as
flowers but with the plus of produce.
By Trace from Wartburg
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A soldier was asked to report to the camp office for
assignment. The sergeant said: "We have a critical shortage
of typists. I'll give you a little test. Type this," he ordered,
giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and
pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter
and an adding machine.
The soldier, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made
a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work
contained as many errors as possible.
The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance.
"That's fine," he said. "Report for work at 8 tomorrow."
"But aren't you going to check the test?" the prospective
clerk asked.
The sergeant grinned. "You passed the test," he replied,
"when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the
adding machine."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request .
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
A Southern preacher was using the new sound system of the
church for the first time and jerking the microphone cord along
behind him as he briskly moved about the platform. He had
never heard his voice amplyfied like that and was getting right
into the spirit of things and gesticulating just as wildly as he was
yelling into the microphone.
As he moved farther over to one side, he got wound up in the
cord and nearly tripped before jerking it free again. After
several circles and jerks, Little Johnny leaned toward his mother
and whispered, "If he gets loose, we better run!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
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Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
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How do you assign 7 mouse functions?
Wednesday, February 3, 2010, 11:02 PM
Good Morning, !
It's Thursday, February 4, 2010
As long as people will accept crap,
it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
--- Dick Cavett
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A woman will pay $3.99 for a $2 item that she
doesn't want but that is on sale.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change,
but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change
but she does.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Ula Webb-Chambers, 40, of Gainesville, Florida
Pick it up so I can hit you again
A Gainesville woman is accused of hitting a former boyfriend
on the head with a tire iron and then ordering him to pick it
up so she could hit him again.
Ula Webb-Chambers, 40, of 2928 S.W. 39th Ave., was arrested
Wednesday afternoon on charges of aggravated domestic battery
and aggravated domestic assault.
According to an arrest report by Gainesville police Officer Shawn Barnes,
Webb-Chambers and the man had lived together for about 15 months
before separating earlier this month.
The man told police Webb-Chambers drove up to him near the
St. Francis House and began arguing with him over money. The man
said he began walking away but Webb-Chambers put her car into
reverse and accelerated as she drove backward toward him. He told
police he ran between two Dumpsters at the back of the homeless
shelter to avoid being hit.
The man said he tried to get away from Webb-Chambers by running
across the street toward a Gainesville fire station but Webb-Chambers
followed, taking a tire iron from the trunk of her car and running toward
him screaming things like, "I got something for you," and,
"The firemen ain't gonna help you."
According to police, Webb-Chalmers caught up with the man about a
block away and hit him on the back of the head with the tire iron. The
man said Webb-Chambers then dropped the tire iron and screamed
at him, saying, "Pick that thing up so I can hit you again."
The man told police that he was dazed but able to get away and that a
friend picked him up and drove him to an area hospital.
In an arrest report, Barnes wrote that the man had a large bump on the
back of his head and likely had a concussion. Webb-Chambers reportedly
denied having an part in the incident.
Webb-Chambers was booked into the Alachua County jail.
A women goes to her boyfriends parents house for dinner.
This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very
nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The
woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her
nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are
almost making her eyes water.
Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a
bit and lets out a dainty little fart.
It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her
boyfriends father looked over at the dog that had been
snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern
voice, "Ginger!"
The woman thought, "this is great!" and a big smile came
across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning
to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate.
She let a much louder and longer fart rip.
The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Ginger!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought, "Great!"
A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip.
This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip with a
fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing.
Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled,
"dad gomit Ginger, get away from her before you smell like her!"
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Sandie
Re: How do you utilize 7 mouse buttons?
Dear Webby
I got a new Logitech mouse, and it has seven functions.
What should I assign all those to?
Sandie
Dear Sandie
You can change those assignments any time, but here is how I
set them. The regular left and right clickers are best left
as they are.
3 Pushing the scroll wheel down I assign to double-click / Enter.
4 Thumb button: Back a page
5 Pinkie (right side) button: Forward a page
6 Tilting the scroll wheel LEFT: Copy
7 Tilting the scroll wheel RIGHT: Paste
With Microsoft mice the pinkie button is farther forward,
and you can use Thumb / Pinkie for copy / paste,
which seems more logical,
but with Logitech it is too far back and you WILL accidentally
activate it quite often. Accidentally jumping a page forward
is not a big deal, but accidentally pasting whatever has been
copied last, is a major nuisance.
Because the pinkie button on Logitech mice is so poorly
situated and much too trigger-happy, you might want to
assign it to do nothing at all. Otherwise you will do a lot
of cussing about an otherwise quite good mouse.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
To get acquainted with his new Parish, the Priest decided to
call on someone daily. One he selected was a young
widow, her husband, according to the index card, had died
two years ago.
After knocking at the door, he was greeted by a young lady
with a baby in her arms.
He said, "I'm sorry, I must have the wrong address, I was
looking for the widow Laffitte."
"You've found her Father." smiled the lady.
"Well, according to the card here, it says your husband died
over two years ago." he said glancing at the baby in her
arms.
"That's correct Father, he surely did... but I didn't."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Photos to Make Greeting Cards
I have not bought a greeting card of any kind for more years than
I can remember. How easy it is to make all kinds of beautiful
cards with personalized photos from your own computer.
Print Shop is the software I began with but I have used
Print Artist for years. My grandchildren have made their
own school valentines using this program. I can't remember
the time they bought Valentine's cards for their friends. If
you are a photography buff many of your very own photos
can be easily inserted in your cards. And pick your own words
or special quote to insert inside the card. When you are
finished you will wonder why you ever spent money on those
store bought cards.
By Karen from Davis, CA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening
worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house.
Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled,
"Stop! Acts 2:38!"
(Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of
Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven).
As the burglar stopped dead in his tracks, the woman calmly
called the police and explained what she had done. Shortly,
several officers arrived and took the man into custody.
As he was placing the handcuffs on the burglar, one of the
officers asked
"Why did you just stand there? Was it her Bible quote ?"
"Bible Quote???" screeched the burglar.
"She said she had an AXE and TWO 38's!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request .
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple
decided that was enough, as they had no room in the
trailer for a larger bed.
So the husband went to his doctor/veterinarian and
told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to
have any more children. The doctor/veterinarian told
him that was a procedure called a vasectomy that could
fix the problem but that it was expensive.
A less costly alternative, said the
doctor/veterinarian, was to go home, get a cherry bomb
(fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in
a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count
to 10.
The Alabamian said to the doctor/veterinarian,
"I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I
don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next
to my ear is going to help me."
"Trust me," said the doctor. So the man went home,
lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held
the can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4,
5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can
between his legs, and resumed counting on his other
hand.
This procedure is aparently also approved in West Virginia and
Arkansas.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder: 
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Well, , that's all for today.
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Tuesday, February 2, 2010, 10:53 PM
Good Morning, !
It's Wednesday, February 3, 2010
The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem.
It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.
--- Albert Einstein
Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all.
--- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
The Boy Scouts were out collecting bottles for a fund
raising activity. One ambitious young man knocked on
a door and a sour-faced lady came to the door and asked:
"What do you want, Sonny?"
"D-d-do you have any beer bottles for the Boy Scouts,
M-m-m-ma'am?" he asked.
"Look here, young man, do I look like the kind of lady
who would drink beer?" replied the lady.
"S-s-sorry, Ma'am," was his reply. "W-w-what about
vinegar bottles?"
Every newspaper in New York sent a reporter and a staff
photographer to the office of a local ophthalmologist when
it was learned that he recently performed a successful sight-
saving operation on the wife of the country's most
celebrated mural artist, who, in addition to paying the
doctor's usual fee, had gratefully insisted on painting one of
his contemporary masterpieces across an entire wall of the
doctor's waiting room.
The mural turned out to be an immense multicolored picture
of a human eye, in the center of which stood a perfect
miniature likeness of the good doctor himself.
While cameras clicked and most of the newsmen crowded
around the famous artist for his comments, one cub reporter
drew the eye specialist aside and asked:
"Tell me, if you can, Doctor-what was your first reaction
on seeing this fantastic artistic achievement covering an
entire wall of your office?"
"To tell the truth," the physician replied, "my first thought
was, thank goodness I'm not a hemorrhoid specialist!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Joshua Algers, 28, in Colorado Springs
Drunk dad told kids to bite officers
COLORADO SPRINGS (UPI) -- Police in Colorado said a drunken
man arrested in a McDonald's play area told his young kids to
"bite the officers' faces off."
Colorado Springs Police said Joshua Algers, 28, was found
passed out drunk in a McDonald's play area at about 4 p.m.
Wednesday and officers placed him under arrest upon learning
there was a warrant out for his arrest, the Colorado Springs
Gazette reported.
Algers became aggressive when police called the mother of the
children to come pick them up, and then instructed the kids to
"bite the officers' faces off," a police report said.
The suspect resisted the officers and was subdued with a Taser,
police said.
He was arrested on suspicion of assaulting a police officer and
the original warrant, which officers did not specify.
A kid comes home from college. His father is a farmer, and
he's shoveling all the manure out of the outhouse onto the
strawberries to fertilize them.
The kid says, "Hey, Pop, learned in college there's an easy
way to do everything."
They go downtown and get some dynamite, they're gonna
rig it up under the outhouse and blow the solids into the
strawberry patch. They get it all rigged up, but they don't
see Grandma coming to use the outhouse. BaBooom!
The manure goes flying, and so does Grandma.
Ploop!...she lands in the strawberries. They go running up
to her... "Grandma, Grandma! My God, are you all right?
Are you all right?"
She says, "Yeah, I'm fine. Whoo! I'm certainly glad I didn't
let that one go in the kitchen!"
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Tunia
Re: Need more disk space
Dear Webby
I desperately need more disk space quickly. My daughter keeps
sending me pictures from her honeymoon, to keep for her, in
case the silly dingbat loses her camera again. I already
cleaned out anything that I think isn't absolutely necessary,
but she keeps sending more and more pictures every night.
Tunia. I tried an HP USB connected DVD burner last year,
but even the local computer shop could not get that to work
right.
Dear Tunia
You need a USB connected hard drive. You can get 1 TeraByte
(1000 GigaByte) drives in a USB enclosure for under $90 at
Tiger, CompUSA, Walmart, BestBuy and many other places.
They simply plug in and work. No fuss at all.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A woman was complaining to a policeman about the
neighbor across the way. She took him up to her abode
and pointing across the court said,
"It's an outrage the way those nudists are carrying on in that
apartment--I'm ashamed."
The cop looked across the court and said,
"I can't see anything going on in there."
"Is that so?" she cried, "you just put this chair up on that
dresser and stand on it! Take these binoculars and you'll
see plenty."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Save Juice from Canned Fruit
Save your juice from canned peaches. Freeze it in ice cube
trays then when solid move over to a Ziploc bag and store in
freezer. Use them in your glass instead of ice when drinking
iced tea. It is good with any tea, but especially good with
raspberry tea.
By Mom from Missouri
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon
full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past.
Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian
dog. The children fell to discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
Then a third child brought the argument to a close...
"They use the dog," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request .
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
"How long will it take to pull my tooth?" The patient
asked the dentist.
"Only two seconds"
"How much will it cost?"
"Fifty dollars."
"For only two seconds of work?"
"Well," The dentist answered coolly, "I can pull it very,
very slowly and make it last an hour if you prefer."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today.
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
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How to test your Internet connection speed?
Monday, February 1, 2010, 11:43 PM
Good Morning, !
It's Tuesday, February 2, 2010
There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what
the neighbors will say.
--- Cyril Connolly
The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease.
Sometimes it gets replaced.
--- Vic Gold
Computer games don't affect kids, I mean if Pac Man affected us as kids,
we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching pills and
listening to repetitive music.
--- Marcus Brigstocke
The housewife answered the phone and listened with relief
to the voice in her ear. "How are you, dear? What kind of
day are you having?"
"Oh, mom, the baby won't eat, the washing machine is
broken, I've not been able to get out of the house to shop, I
twisted my ankle and have been hobbling around. On top
of that, the house is a mess and we're supposed to have
two couples over for dinner tonight."
"Now dear, just stay calm. Sit down, relax, close your
eyes, and I'll be over in 1/2 hour. I'll do the shopping, clean
up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll take care of
the baby when I get there and call a repairman I know
who'll get the washing machine fixed. In fact, I'll call George
at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help
out for once."
"George? Who's George?"
"Why, that's your *husband*, dear."
"Mom, I don't have a husband."
"Is this 234-5678?"
"Uh, no, it's not. I think you have a wrong number." The
housewife paused, then got rather hysterical:
"But, but, but, you're still going to come over and help me,
aren't you?"
"I hope you didn't take it personally, Pastor," an
embarrassed woman said after a church service,
"when my husband walked out during your sermon."
"I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied.
"It's not a reflection on you, sir," insisted the church goer.
"Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a kid."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a 43 year old robber in San Diego
Robber calls police to complain about interruption
SAN DIEGO — A man who was busy robbing his elderly victim
Saturday became so upset when a bystander tried to break up
the crime by punching the robber in the face, that he, the robber,
called police to report an assault.
Bad move.
Once they put two and two together, police officers located the
83-year-old victim, who confirmed the crime, and arrested the
43-year-old man for suspected elder abuse and robbery, said
San Diego police Officer David Stafford.
Police were called at 4 p.m. to Akins Avenue at 62nd Street
near a trolley station, where the robber had the elderly man
pinned against a wall and was rifling through his pockets when
the bystander interrupted the crime, Stafford said.
No other information was available about the robber, or the
35-year-old man who came to the victim’s aid.
In a test of emergency systems some boy scouts
impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked
up and cared for by the emergency units. One Scout was
supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers,
but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout
lay "wounded" for several hours.
When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was
supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note:
"Have bled to death and gone to McDonalds for a refill."
Girls are attracted to boys, even at an early
age. At an early age, boys are attracted to dirt.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Peggy
Re: How do I find my Connection speed
Dear Webby
How do I find my connection speed on the computer I am using?
Thank you,
Peggy
Dear Peggy
Here are 3 free sites to test your connection speed:
http://internetfrog.com/mypc/speedtest/
http://us.mcafee.com/root/speedometer/test_3000.asp
http://www.pcpitstop.com/internet/bw.asp
Have FUN!
DearWebby
The pastor was doing is weekly "children's message"
with the children gathered around him down front.
He was talking to the youngsters on their level about
being good and going to heaven. At the end of his talk,
he asked, "Where do you want to go?"
"Heaven!" one of the girls cried out enthusiastically.
"And what do you have to be to get there?" the
preacher asked.
"Dead!" yelled one of the boys.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Simple Household Bookkeeping System
I keep every receipt (utilities, grocery, medical, etc.)
in a plain legal sized envelop labeled for the month
(Example: Jan 09) until the end of the year. I keep
them in a drawer with my bank statements.
At the end of the year I have 12 legal envelopes the same
size as my 12 bank statements. I bundle them with rubber
bands. I begin a new check register each January 1, and
stop with Dec. 31. I put the check register with the bundled
envelopes.
At the end of the year I store them in plastic totes. On the
envelope I will write whether there are important receipts for
items which could possibly need to be exchanged like a new
appliance. I have done this for over 20 years.
By Jeanne from Elysian Fields, TX
While that is a paper keeping system, it is not really a
bookkeeping system.
Since you DO have access to a computer, you can use a simple
spreadsheet. Spreadsheets are a LOT easier to use than you
imagine.
Label the cells in the first column with numbers starting with 0.
There is a button for doing that automatically.
Label the top cell to the right of it DATE.
Label the top cells in the columns to the right of it with the
categories you need for tax purposes, like Meds, or categories
you want to track, like utilities, maintenance, groceries, etc.,
and a comment column at the end.
Let's say your first receipt is for medication. Write a 1onto
it's top corner, type the date from the receipt into the date
column, and the amount on the same row but in the MEDS column,
and a comment, if you want, on the same row in the comment
column.
One of the biggest advantages of a journal like that is that
you not only can find any specific item fast, but that you
SEE your expenses. You can spot trends.
You can give each column a different color background,
and use a different color font for different months.
And yes, you most certainly can sub-total each month,
and of course total each column at year end.
My description may sound difficult and tedious at first
reading, but it's actually really easy and even fun.
I would be surprised, if you don't some day highlight a
month and hit the GRAPH button. You can make a colorful
pie chart showing how your money is used, or a line
graph showing trends. "Hmmm, fuel expenses are creeping
up. Will have to have a word with Junior!"
Each category will have a different colored line and you
can tell at a glance if there is a change.
To find a receipt, you check the number in the first
column, then dig out the receipt with that number in the
top right corner.
Doing the taxes is of course a lot less tedious if you have
the yearly totals of each category at the bottom.
And you can of course do the same with income.
Spreadsheets like Calc (in Open Office), Quattro (in Corel
Office), Excel (Microsoft), etc, are free or cheap. The only
part that is difficult is getting started with them.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
George and Nancy get along just great, except that she's a
"backseat driver" second to none. After years of putting up
with her pestering, he finally decided he had enough and
advised her that he would no longer drive with her in the
car.
Later that day, on his way home from doing some shopping
at the mall, he heard his cell phone ring, just as he was
merging onto a freeway.
It was Nancy. By chance, she had entered the freeway right
behind George.
"Honey," she said, "your turn signal is still on. And put on
your lights; it's starting to rain."
George did have the grace to say "Thank you!",
before he tossed his last cell phone out the window.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request .
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today.
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
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How to install Spybot-Search&Destroy
Sunday, January 31, 2010, 10:00 PM
Good Morning, !
It's Monday, February 1, 2010
In archaeology you uncover the unknown.
In diplomacy you cover the known.
--- Thomas Pickering
The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards.
--- Arthur Koestler
An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean
that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior,
the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth,
infinite wisdom, or infinite beauty. Without hesitating,
the dean selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke
and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the
dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At
length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."
The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
As an elderly lady was boarding the plane, she said to the
flight attendant, "Do these things crash very often?"
The attendant replied,
"No -- just once!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Jason Miles, 22 of Crestview, Florida
"Man You Don't Know How Much Weed I Smoke"
CRESTVIEW -- A man pulled over for failing to maintain a
single lane and for speeding was arrested after telling police
he had $2,000 worth of "weed" in his trunk.
The 25-year-old Crestview man was stopped Jan. 22 after a
Crestview Police Department officer noticed him speeding
on James Lee Blvd. The driver, Jason Miles, appeared nervous
and there was a strong odor of marijuana coming from inside
the truck, the officer noted.
When the officer asked him if there was anything illegal in
the truck, Miles said, "I got $2,000 worth of weed in the truck!"
During a search, police found 110 grams of marijuana, two
digital scales and a package of peach-flavored cigars. He was
charged with possession of marijuana with intent to distribute
and possession of paraphernalia.
After being read his rights, Miles told police he only sold the
marijuana on weekends because he was a full-time student
during the week. He also said he sold some and kept some.
"Man, you don't know how much weed I smoke," he told the officer.
He has a March 2 court date.
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the
blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said:
"Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know,
would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes, sir," the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am
standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't
run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "'Cause yer feet ain't empty."
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Hubcap
Re: How do I install Spybot
Dear Webby
I would like to download Spybot search and destroy on my
Vista home premium computer from you web site but don't know
quite how to do it. Any help appreciated.
Hubcap
Dear Hubcap
Just click on the Spybot-Search&Destroy button in the left side menu.
Scroll down to where it says DOWNLOAD and click on the blue cube.
That gets you to the Mirrors. Depending on your connection speed,
pick the one closest to you.
It will ask you where on your computer you want it.
Most people are fanatic Easter Egg Hunters and tell it to put it ANYWHERE,
and then go hunt for it later.
I tell it to put it into E:\TOOLS\Spybot
After it has downloaded, tell it to RUN.
It will again ask you where you want the program to be set up.
Again, tell it to do it in a place like E:\TOOLS\Spybot
or let it go to the Windows default place at
C:\Program Files\Miscellaneous\Stuff and Such\Programs\More Stuff\
In your case it probably makes little difference, since it
produces a desktop icon anyway.
When it finishes the installation, run it.
It will show you what it found, and you can un-check stuff that
you might want to keep, for example the cookies from your bank.
Then hit the "Fix It" button, and it does.
That's all there is to it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
You are 100% Texan if you have ever had this
conversation :
"You wanna Coke?"
"Yeah."
"What kind?"
"Dr. Pepper."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Set Up A Pet Care Savings Account
I see a lot of requests for advice about sick pets from people
unwilling or unable to go to the vet due to the expense. Here
is what has worked for me. I have added pet care into my
weekly budget. I started a savings account and each payday
the amount I have determined I can afford goes directly into
that account. I do not use it for anything except vet costs.
It adds up quickly and I always have enough for at least a
checkup in that account. Pets who receive regular checkups
have less emergencies in the long run, as trouble can be
detected before it is too late. We owe them nothing less.
By Kelly from Portland, OR
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man and his little girl were on an overcrowded elevator.
Suddenly a woman in front turned around, slapped him and
left in a huff.
The little girl remarked, "That's okay, Daddy, I didn't like her
either, she was stepping all over my toes. That's why I
pinched her."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request .
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a
sign saying "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on
the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog
asleep on the floor..
He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are
supposed to beware of?"
"Yep, that's him," he replied.
The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly
doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world
would you post that sign?"
"Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign,
people kept tripping over him and knocking their teeth out
on the counter."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today.
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Saturday, January 30, 2010, 11:34 PM
Good Morning, !
It's Sunday, January 31, 2010
Spare no expense to save money on this one.
--- Samuel Goldwyn
Bureaucrats write memoranda both because they appear to be busy
when they are writing and because the memos, once written,
immediately become proof that they were busy.
--- Charles Peters
History is more or less bunk.
--- Henry Ford
A preacher said to the farmer,"Do you belong to the Christian
family ?" "No", he said, " they live two farms down ".
"No,no, I mean are you lost ?"
"No, I've been here thirty years."
"I mean are you ready for Judgement Day?"
"When is it ?"
"It could be today or tomorrow ".
"Well, when you find out for sure when it is , you let me know .
My wife will probably want to go both days !"
A golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her
swing when his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the
back of her skirt. Needless to say this was embarrassing to
both of them since their relationship had been purely
platonic up to that point anyway. They decided to walk
together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse where
certainly a pair of needle-nosed pliers would fix the
problem.
Just as they turned the corner to the clubhouse a German
Shepherd ran up and threw a bucket of water on them.
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
under a Live Oak in Ft Myers, FL
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Douglas J. Koufman in Palm Beach
MIAMI -- Authorities say a Miami man cleaned out his elderly
mother's savings, worth over $800,000.
Douglas J. Koufman is charged with exploitation of an elderly
person or disabled adult for more than $100,000. The 57-year-old
surrendered Tuesday at the Palm Beach County Jail and posted
bail Wednesday.
According to an affidavit by the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office,
Koufman misappropriated at least $873,000 from his mother's trust fund.
His mother, Charlotte Koufman, is now 88 and suffers from dementia.
Records show the woman's trust contained over $2 million in July 2004.
Three residents at the Funny-Farm are at the doctor's office for
their annual intelligence test.
The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?"
"274," he replies.
The doctor asks the second man, "What is three times three?"
"Tuesday," replies the second man.
The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three
times three?"
"Nine," says the third man.
"That's great!" says the doctor.
"How did you get that?"
"Easy," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Johnny
Re: Spybot
Dear Webby
Wish I knew about the Spyware two weeks ago.
Had to shut my computer down until son could fix it.
Johnny
Dear Johnny
It pays to look at the side menu in the Humor Letter every
now and then. I have donated free space there for
Spybot-Search&Destroy for 10 years now.
Everything you see there is an "Essential" that we put on
every Webby computer, before we let a user touch it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Lucy went to college. However, she really worried her
folks because all she ever wrote home about was boys and
good times. Her mother decided to have a serious talk with
Lucy when she came home for a weekend. The mother
started out by saying, "Now, dear, if you are only going to
college to find a husband, it certainly will be expensive
shopping."
"Yes, I know, Mom," said Lucy, "but what a supermarket."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Store Important Items In Dishwasher in an Emergency
If you ever need to leave in a hurry because of a flood approaching,
a good place to store important items (computer tower, pictures, etc.)
is in your dishwasher. It has a watertight seal that will protect your
items. You could also put items in your front loading clothes washer.
It will not work with a top loader clothes washer.
By Fred from Michigan
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request .
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today.
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
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