Choppers Rules......... 

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven’t sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet…Faggot.

2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer– it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog… ‘Killer, come here! I said get your arse over here, Killer!’ Now think about how you call a cat…’Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!’ Jeeezus, you’re pitched, you’re so queer.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man’s world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases. 5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you’re as camp as a row of tents. A straight man will never be heard ordering a ‘Decaf Soy Latte’. If you’ve put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you’ve had a man there too.

6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free arse passes. A real man doesn’t have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a ‘fressier’ is you’re gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are poofter.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you’re dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to beep at a slow-arsed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge on being an arse puncher.





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Laws of Applied Terror 

First Law of Applied Terror:
When reviewing your notes before an exam, the most important will be illegible.

Second Law of Applied Terror:
The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want.

Third Law of Applied Terror:
80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed and the one book you didn't read.

Fourth Law of Applied Terror:
Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor's course.

Fifth Law of Applied Terror:
The night before the English History mid-term, your biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.

Sixth Law of Applied Terror:
If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

Seventh Law of Applied Terror:
If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.





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From 1960: How hot is it?  

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that in August it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

I am glad it doesn't get quite THAT hot any more!




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Irritating Things 

There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address.

You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.

There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at everything.

You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.

You slice your tongue licking an envelope.

Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get a reading.

You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.

The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.

A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling.

You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7 p.m. Instead of 7 a.m.

People behind you on a super-market line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up.

You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because
you don't know how to spell it.

You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing.

You had that pen in your hand only a second ago and now you can't find it.

You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up.





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Mr Bean 

One of my Favourites







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A Dummies' Guide For Dummies 

- Don't throw a brick straight up.

- Don't take long naps while driving.

- Walk around toxic waste dumps, not through them.

- Your body has the correct number of holes in it. Don't make any more.

- Don't microwave yourself too often.

- Don't stick body parts into electrical outlets.

- When using an acetylene torch, don't feel the flame to see if it's sufficiently hot.

- If you're on a ball field and someone shouts "Heads up!" don't actually raise your head up.
Cover it with your arms and duck.

- Don't tie yourself to an airplane propeller.

- When you are in bed remember to close your eyes.

- No matter how tempting it is to be one with nature, stay on the outside of all fences at the zoo.

- When sticking thumb tacks into bulletin boards, press on the flat end.

- Under no circumstances should you ever reproduce.

- When you find a prize in a box of "Crackerjacks" there is no need to report it on your income tax return.

- "Time" magazine is not suitable to wear on your wrist. Get a watch.

- One + one = two. Try to remember that.

- Don't count the peas in a can. It is not an exact science.

- If you discover that February only has 28 days, don't report it to the Consumer Fraud Department. Likely they will ignore your complaint.

- For faster elevator service press the elevator button many times.




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Another Global Warming Theory 


Well that explains it....




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A Couple Of Jokes 

It was Elroy's first day in second grade.

When he came home his mama asks him how school was...

"How was school my boy?"

"It was nice mama - the teacher asked me to draw a cat and when I did she give me a gold star - is it because I am Black?"

"No Elroy - its because you are so clever"

Next day Elroy comes home and mama asks him how school was...

"How was school Elroy?"

"The teacher asked me to draw a dog - and when I did she gave me a gold star - Is it because I am black?"

"No Elroy - it is because you are so clever"

Third day - Elroy comes home from school

"How was school Elroy?"

"Mama - I am confused, today we were changing for sports. All the white boys have these little pee pees and I have this huge schlong - is it because I am black?

"No Elroy - it is because you are twenty-one"





One day Jesus was walking by the pearly gates when St. Peter asked him to watch the gates for a few minutes. Jesus agreed and in a few minutes he saw an old, old man approach. He walked very slowly, had a halting gait, and long white hair and beard.

"How did you spend your life on earth my son?" asked Jesus.

"I was a simple carpenter for sixty years" replied the old man.

"And what do you hope to find here in heaven" asked Jesus.

"I hope to find my son" said the man

"Well there are millions upon millions of people here, how will you find him?"

"I'll recognize him by the nail holes in his hands and feet," states the old man.

Jesus does a double take, thinks for a moment and says,

"Father???"

The old man looks at Jesus and says, "Pinocchio?"




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Classical Typewriter 

Funny Stuff! http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=G4 ... amp;sns=em




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What did you do today? 


A man came home from work and found his 3 children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn around garden.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and no sign of the dog, walking in the door, he found ..an even bigger mess.

A lamp had been knocked over, the throw rug was against one wall, In the front room the TV was on loudly with the cartoon channel, the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife.

He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.

As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor.

Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel...

She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?'

She again smiled and answered,

'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world do I do all day?...

''Yes," was his incredulous reply..

She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.'





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Warped Humour 

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion,
I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.
I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!

The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did ....
she's 21 and her name's Lucy.

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night.
Locals were shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me,
just because my girlfriend is 21and I'm 50.
It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.

My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job.
I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year!
You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."

Just been to the gym.
They've got a new machine in.
Could only use it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick.
It's great though.
It provides me with everything I need -
KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the lot.."

Question - Are there too many immigrants in America?
17% said yes; 11% said No;
72% said "I am not understanding the question please."

The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me
because she can't afford batteries.

A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead".
The operator says, "How do you know?"
He says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated
but must come back as a different creature.
She said she would like to come back as a cow.
I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."

My wife has been missing a week now.
The police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I had to go down to the charity shop to get all of her clothes back.

I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented iPod
after realizing that "iTouch Kids" is not a good product name.

There's a new Muslim clothing shop that opened in our shopping center,
but they threw me out after I asked if I could look at some of the bomber jackets.

The Red Cross just knocked on my door
and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan.
I said we'd love to,
but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway.





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Rules for Cat 







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The Ultimate Ethnic Joke 

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan, an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans all walk into a very fine restaurant –

"I'm sorry," says the maĂtre d', after scrutinizing the group........."You can't come in here without a Thai. "





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Tweet Of The Week 

Tomorrow I'm going to open a time capsule I buried when I was a kid. I can't wait to see how big my puppy got...





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I Want This T Shirt 






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Good Advice 

"Moving Day"
Lawrence Brotherton

In the last 30 or so years, my wife and I have moved at least 12 or 13 times. Sometimes it was across town and sometimes it was from one country to another. This is my advice for those who are getting the urge to splurge with a new house.

1. Hire the cheapest mover in the Yellow Pages. Every mover will break or scratch the same quota of items, so it is better not to pay them so much to do it.

2. Forget about marking boxes. Marking boxes to move is somewhat akin to assembling you kid's bicycle, because there will be parts left over you don't know where they go. There will be rooms in the new house that do not fit the rooms they came from.

3. Forget any communications between you and the mover. One, they will forget where you are moving from and lose their directions to where you are moving to. Two, do not expect the mover to be on time. After waiting all day for him to arrive, just as you sit down for the evening meal a truck the size of a football field will pull up on your lawn expecting to get everything done before dark.

4. Do not watch the movers pack. Watching the movers pack is somewhat akin to looking in the kitchen of your favorite restaurant. It will make you sick with an irrepressible urge to throw up.

5. Two days before the movers promise to arrive, send your children off to camp for a month. Movers get along with children like mailmen get along with dogs. Before the day is over, it is inevitable that either a child will be accidentally boxed, or the mover will trip over a child and sue you for everything you own.

6. As soon as you get into your new house and replace all the broken and missing items, nail everything to the floor. You and your wife cut your wrists, cross arms, and make a blood vow never to move again.

7. The three most important things to remember about moving are...
1. Plan ahead
2. Don't do it
3. Consider the cost of the move as three times the cost of your new house.





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Lucky 

A guy is strolling down the street in Vegas when he comes across an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it vigorously, and out pops a genie.

The genie offers to grant him one wish, to which the guy replies; "I've had terrible luck my whole life, I just wish I could have some good luck for a change."

"And so it shall be" says the genie as he disappears in a puff of smoke.

So off the guy strolls, wondering if this will really change his life, when he spies $10 on the sidewalk. Not a bad start he thinks. As he picks it up, he notices a betting shop across the road. He strolls over, looks through the racing list, and sees a horse named Lucky Lad at 100/1 odds. He puts the $10 on the nose, and what do you know, the horse comes in first.

Feeling on a bit of a roll, he heads to the nearest casino, fronts up at the roulette table and puts the whole $1,010 on "Lucky seven." Round and round the wheel spins, and "bang!" - Lucky Seven.

Now he's really flying.... what better way to celebrate than to head to the local brothel for a bit of horizontal folk dancing. He knocks and enters, when all of a sudden he is showered with streamers and handed a glass of champagne. The madam of the establishment puts her arm around him and says,

"Welcome sir! We have much pleasure in informing you that you are our lucky 1,000th customer, and you have won the right to enjoy the pleasures of any girl who works here, absolutely free of charge."

The guy says that he's always fancied making it with an Indian girl.... so he's ushered into one of the rooms and in strolls themost gorgeous Indian woman he has ever seen. Not much time passes before clothing is strewn around the room and the Karma Sutra (pp 101 to 532) is being well and truly tested. At one point the guy pauses and says to the girl,

"You are one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life. I can't believe how lucky I am to be with you. But there is one thing I don't really like about Indian women. I don't like that red spot that you all have on your forehead."

The Indian girl looks him in the eye and says, "Sir, I am here to please you and succumb to your every desire. If you wish to see my caste mark gone, then please scratch it off."

So the guy goes at it with his fingernail. All of a sudden he leans back and starts killing himself laughing.

"What's wrong, what's wrong?" asks the Indian girl.

To which the guy replies, "You're never going to believe this, but I've just won a car!"



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Observations 

Children seldom misquote you.
In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself
that there are children more awful than your own.

Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your children.

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.

I love to give homemade gifts...which one of my kids do you want?

You spend the first 2 years of your kids life teaching them to walk and talk.
Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and be quiet.





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Old Age... 







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From A Loving Mother 






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If You Love Something Variations 

THE ORIGINAL VERSION:
If you love something,
Set it free...
If it comes back, it's yours,
If it doesn't, it never was yours....

THE PESSIMIST VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, well, as expected, she never was.

THE OPTIMIST VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
Don't worry, she will come back.

THE SUSPICIOUS VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, ask her why.

THE IMPATIENT VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't comes back within some time limit, forget her.

THE PATIENT VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back, continue to wait until she comes back ...

THE PLAYFUL VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she comes back, and if you love her still, set her free again, repeat

THE LAWYER'S VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the second amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom Act clearly states that...

THE BILL GATES VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she comes back,
I think we can charge her for re-installation fees and tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.

THE STATISTICIAN'S VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she loves you, the probability of her coming back is high
If she doesn't, your relationship was improbable anyway.

THE POSSESSIVE VERSION:
If you love somebody
don't ever set her free.

THE MBA VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
instantaneously...
and look for others simultaneously.

THE PSYCHOLOGIST'S VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
If she comes back, her super ego is dominant
If she doesn't come, back her id is supreme
If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.

THE FINANCE EXPERT VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans.
If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.

THE MARKETING VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
If she comes back, she has brand loyalty
If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new markets.






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Punography 

I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. But he says he can stop any time.

How did Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Than it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity and I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off.

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer.

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

I do not enjoy computer jokes. Not one bit.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.




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The Humane Society 





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Sad News 







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Misc. Quotes 

"Apparently, I'm supposed to be more angry about what Mitt Romney does with his own money than what Barack Obama does with mine." --- Lillemor

The sages do not consider that making no mistakes is a blessing. They believe, rather, that the great virtue of man lies in his ability to correct his mistakes and continually make a new man of himself. --- Wang Yang-Ming

Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at. --- Jimmy Demaret

"The amount of sleep required by the average person is about five minutes more." --- Max Kauffmann




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Politician 

An old doctor and his nurse were on the train, going to a Medical Conference. Opposite them was a man furiously scratching his elbow.

"I wonder what's the matter with him?" asked the nurse.

"He's a patient of mine and, in confidence, I can tell you that he suffers badly from hemorrhoids," replied the doctor.

"Well, why he's scratching his elbow?" asked the puzzled nurse.

"Oh, he's a politician, and he doesn't know his ass from his elbow."-





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Oh Boy! 

I exercise regularly.
I eat moderate amounts of healthy food.
I make sure to get plenty of rest.
I see my doctor once a year and my dentist twice a year.
I floss every night.
I've had chest x-rays, cardio stress tests, EKG's and colonoscopies.
I've seen a psychologist once, and she thought I was A-OK.
I have a variety of hobbies to reduce stress.
I don't drink and drive.
I quit smoking a long time ago.
I don't do drugs.
I try not to disparage others.
I don't have crazy, reckless sex with strangers.


If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I'm gonna be really pissed.





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The "Experts" Are Always Right--Right? 

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year."
The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957

"But what is it good for?"
Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.

"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
Bill Gates, 1981

This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication.
The device is inherently of no value to us,"
Western Union internal memo, 1876.

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"
David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.

"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible,"
A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)

"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper,"
Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind."

"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make,"
Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out,"
Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible,"
Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.

"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this,"
Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads.

"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil?
You're crazy,"
Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.

"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau."
Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University , 1929.

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value,"
Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre , France .

"Everything that can be invented has been invented,"
Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, US Office of Patents, 1899.

"The super computer is technologically impossible. It would take all of the water that flows over Niagara Falls to cool the heat generated by the number of vacuum tubes required."
Professor of Electrical Engineering, New York University

"I don't know what use any one could find for a machine that would make copies of documents. It certainly couldn't be a feasible business by itself."
the head of IBM, refusing to back the idea, forcing the inventor to found Xerox.

"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction."
Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse , 1872

And last but not least...

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977





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Final TSA report for 2011 ... 

Listen up all you naysayers. Those of you who whine about airport body scanners being an infringement of your rights under the Constitution, who rail about unwelcome and illegal invasions of your privacy, who complain of egregious and unwarranted government intrusion- you need to lighten up. The TSA performs a useful function on behalf of air travelers.

TSA Report for 2011 The Year 2011 is over. Homeland Security has provided their end-of-the-year statistics on airport screenings here in the U.S.

It is truly amazing what those full-body scanners have shown.

* Terrorist Plots Discovered: 0
* Transvestites: 743
* Enlarged Prostates: 19,249
* Breast Implants: 209,350
* Colon problems: 27,298
* Natural Blondes: 3





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Man Boobs: A Watcher's Guide 


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Julia Sweeney "Sex Ed." Monologue 







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