Norton Adware after UN-installing Norton
Sunday, May 2, 2010, 09:36 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Sunday, May 2, 2010
Good Morning, !
Today we headed north from Holbrook to ganado, Chinle, and
Many Farms. There we took Indian Road 59 as a shortcut to
Kayenta. It is an unknown and largely ignored road, but has
good pavement and great scenery.
After gassing up in Kayenta we headed north into Utah and
Monument Valley. Still looks the same as last time we had
clear weather there for taking pictures, but we did detour
in to Goulding for lunch. Then we passed all the slow gawkers,
and made good progress on Highway 163 and 261 up to
Blanding. Don`t look for ANY signs or mention of SR95.
Just drive to Blanding. At the southern end of the village is
an inconspicuous sign that finally acknowledges that SR95
exists, and that it goes off to the left.
State Route 95 apparently is a secret.
It has excellent pavement, and truly AWESOME scenery.
Monument Valley and Valley Of The Gods are nice, but rather
boring by comparison. Keep going afterwards to Torrey, Utah,
and you have 175 miles of scenery overload.
The road is wide and the curves are gentle. You can take
anybody along on that road.
SR95 has just become my most scenic
road today. I will most definitely drive it again.
To get a rough idea of that road, fly it with Google Earth!
First do DIRECTIONS, from Blanding, UT to Torrey, UT.
Set the options for a camera angle of 85 degrees,
your altitude to 250 meters or 750 feet, and the speed to
SLOW. The faster you fly, the more Google Earth will round
things off. It will still look like everything is smoothed with
a thick layer of ice on your helicopter window, but you will
get a good idea of the terrain.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the
pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the
passengers take their seats and get prepared
for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight
attendants if everyone was buckled in and
ready.
"All set back here, Captain," came the reply,
"except one lawyer who is still going around
passing out business cards."
Two women are discussing marriage, and one
says, "We've been married 10 years, and
every night my husband has complained about
dinner. Not one night without complaining
about the food."
"That's awful," the other woman says. "That
must really bother you."
"No, not in the slightest," says the first one.
"You must be a saint," her friend says.
"Why should I object?" the first one says.
"A lot of people don't like their own cooking."
SR95, not my picture. My camera is still sandbagged by W7.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jayson Stevenson, Rico Razaly, Dennis Heinz
and some other hockey coaches from Cobourg Ontario.
Bad Example
Hockey brawls aren’t news. When they’re in a bar, that makes
them a little more interesting. When they’re in a bar and they
involve the DADS of the players….who are also the coaches…
now you’re talking.
So we’re pleased to bring you an update on the boozy battle
at the bar at the Holiday Inn Grand Island.
But first…let’s refresh your memory. Erie County sheriff’s
deputies were called to the bar last December. When they
arrived they were….and this is a direct quote from their press
release… “met by a bar full of belligerent, obnoxious,
intoxicated Ontario men”. Which kind of sums up most
Ontario men….but that’s another story.
The Canadians were in town for a youth hockey tournament.
Deputies say they were attacked the minute they entered the
bar….so they called for backup. That led to a bunch of American
cops and a bunch of Canadian hockey dads pretty much re-enacting
the War of 1812 (ironically, in the same area where the War of
1812 was actually fought). Oh yeah….one of the Canadians also
pulled his pants down.
So after the ruckus, three men from Cobourg Ontario were arrested.
The rest apparently got away. They were in Grand Island Town
Court last night.
Jayson Stevenson pleaded guilty to a reduced charge of attempted
obstructing governmental administration….had every other charge
dismissed…and paid a little over $700 in fines. Rico Razaly was told
if he stays out of trouble for six months, his case will be dismissed.
Dennis Heinz had his case adjourned till May 12th.
Stevenson and Heinz, by the way, both resigned their positions
as youth hockey coaches….you know, the whole “setting a bad
example for the kids” thing. But if they ever make “Slap Shot 4”,
these guys should be first in line for a consulting job.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Jean
re: Norton nagger after un-install
I've uninstalled Norton, and used your Norton Removal Tool
to get rid of it, but the Norton Online Backup Window keeps
coming up when I start the computer! I'm using Windows 7
knowing I should have gotten XP, but live and learn.
Any help in getting rid of it would be appreciated
Thanks,
Jean
Dear Jean
Is that ad-ware put onto your machine by some sleazy
seller of the machine?
Screech a temper tantrum at the obnoxious crooks, and
tell them you paid for your machine and that you won't
tolerate that the W7 lemon, that they conned you into,
is being used to earn commissions for a bunch of two-bit
con artists. Demand that they tell you instantly how to
get their obnoxious ad-ware off the machine.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Good jokes always come back. Here is an
Oldie Goldie that came back to me today:
What would Bible characters drive?
One theory is that God would tool around in an
old Plymouth because "the Bible says God
drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of
Eden in a Fury."
But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a
Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the
Lord to "pursue your enemies with your
Tempest and terrify them with your Storm."
Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks,
because Moses' followers are warned
not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn
sounds a long blast."
Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British
motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible
passage declaring that "the roar of Moses'
Triumph is heard in the hills."
Joshua also drove a Triumph, but with a hole in
its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard
throughout the land."
Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a
Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof,
they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where
Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of
my own Accord..." Thus following their
Master's lead, the Apostles car-pooled in a
Honda ...."All the Apostles were in one Accord."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Save Your Bread Bag Ties
Do not throw away your bread ties from the bread bags.
I reuse them for opened frozen veggies, or anything that
I open that needs a tie. Keep a stash in your kitchen
drawer, you will be amazed how handy they become.
By Justin from Yakima, WA
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
My mother always told me I wouldn't amount
to anything because I procrastinate.
I said, "Just wait."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
One day a salesman stopped by the Jammer
Jones farm, knocked, and Jammer's wife
Frannie came to the door.
"Is your husband home, Ma'am?" he asked.
"Sure is. He's over to the cow barn."
"Well, I got something to show him, Ma'am.
Will I have any difficulty finding him?"
"Shouldn't have any difficulties...
He's the one without horns."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
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How do I reclaim space used by Windows Live OneCare Backup
Saturday, May 1, 2010, 10:01 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Saturday, May 1, 2010
Good Morning, !
Today we headed north from Willcox, AZ, via Safford. The
part after Safford is a bit confusing, since it looks like
a 2-bit country road at first, but eventually 191 turns into
quite a decent highway. Next town is Clifton, a cute old
mining town, and Morenci a truly awesome, world class
copper mine.
From Morenci straight north to Alpine is a hundred miles
of pure fun for a curve carving, tire squealing adrenalin
junkie, but probably sheer terror for timid drivers, and
even worse for their passengers.
When you see signs saying
15 MPH
Motorcycles
use extreme caution!
then you know that hairpin is going to be a noisy squealer,
and most likely followed by another squealer in the
opposite direction.
Needless to say, there are no trucks on that road, and very
few cars. However, the pavement is excellent, and the
scenery superb. This was my second, but by no means last
time I drove that road.
That road dipps into some valleys but is mostly up high, and
some areas still had deep snow beside the road. Glow-bull
warming is definitely over for this cycle.
Also saw a bunch of white-tail deer beside the road. They
kept a safe distance when I stopped and backed up to take
pictures, but they didn't bolt into the forest.
Past Alpine there was Blue Vista, a view point definitely
worth stopping for. You look down over lower mountains
and the foothills and the rolling prairies, and the view
most definitely has a distinctly blue tinge.
After we got down to lower altitudes, it was mostly just
rolling prairies and fast, empty roads all the way to Holbrook.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
The brain is a wonderful organ. It
starts working the moment you get up
in the morning and does not stop until
you get into the office.
--- Robert Frost
It is a far, far better thing to have a
firm anchor in nonsense than to put out
on the troubled sea of thought.
--- John Kenneth Galbraith
Little Johnny was reading from a Hans
Christian Anderson book.
"Miss Figpot?" Little Johnny asked, "Does m-i-
r-a-g-e spell marriage?"
"No Johnny," sighed the teacher.
"But it should."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Travis E. Conner III, 18 in Chicago
Man charged after police track him through GPS in stolen taxi
CHICAGO (STMW) -- A man is charged with robbery and aggravated
vehicular hijacking after police found him at a gas station through
the GPS in a stolen taxi cab.
Travis E. Conner III, 18, of the 2900 block of West Fulton Street, is
charged with one count of robbery and aggravated vehicular
hijacking, according to a release from police News Affairs.
Conner allegedly forced a taxi cab driver out of his taxi at gun
point about 3:30 a.m. Sunday, the release said. He dropped
his cell phone at the scene before fleeing in the cab, which
is equipped with a Global Positioning System.
Using the GPS, police found Conner at a gas station in the
6300 block of North Central Avenue, the release said. He
was identified and a semi-automatic handgun was recovered.
Conner is scheduled for a bond hearing Monday, the release said.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Glenn
re: How do I reclaim space used by Windows Live OneCare Backup
Hi, Webby,
thank you so much for all of your helpful insights into computer
(usually) malfunctions. For several years I used Windows
Live One Care, till a virus wiped it out. So of course now
it doesn't work. I can't use any of the Microsoft programs
to restore the backups I made with Windows Live "Screw Up".
Nor can I delete the *** gigabytes of external hard disk
space used by that useless backup program. I had to do the
format recovery to save the hard disk, but have lost everything
I saved on the computer. No backup with Windows.
How do I remove all the read only memory protected files of
Live One "Don't Care" on that external hard disk?
Thanks, Glenn
Dear Glenn
I am not familiar with Windows Live One Care, and considering
the reputation it has, I don't plan to become familiar with it. If
you don't have other, good stuff on that drive, you can format it.
However, if you just want to get rid of certain parts of it, you
can go to that drive with the DOS command line and change
the file attributes. Let's assume that drive is drive E:
START
RUN
cmd
e:
attrib -R -A -S -H E:\*.* /D
then you should be able to delete that folder, and with any
luck subdirectories inside that folder.
You may have to repeat that for subdirectories.
Quite possibly One Care also set the back-up folder as a
network folder, as if it was across a LAN network, instead of
on the second drive or on the end of a USB cable, and took
ownership of that fake networked drive, just as if that drive
was on your Mother-In-Law`s computer at the other end
of the house, and she was the only one with access to it.
Find that back-up folder and select it.
In the right click menu, select Sharing and Security.
When the Sharing and Security tab of the Properties
dialog comes up, place a check mark in the middle section
- "Share this folder on the network."
Give the Share a name in the box for "Share Name".
And place a check mark in "allow network users to change files."
If necessary, change the attributes again after you set the
network permissions.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Delta Airlines recently introduced a special
half-fare rate for wives accompanying their
husbands on business trips.Anticipating some
valuable testimonials, the publicity department
of the airline sent out letters to all the wives
of businessmen who used the special rates,
asking how they enjoyed their trip.
Responses are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Dawn Dish Soap as a Stain Remover
I had a cat go on the carpet in my boy's bedroom. I was out
of carpet cleaner, so I got an old tea towel. I made it wet
with hot water and put Dawn dish soap on it. The stain came
out and then I tried it on other stains in the room that I had
already tried all kinds of cleaning products on that had
never came out.
The stains were gone and the carpet looks new again.
I am going to use Dawn dish soap on all my carpet spills,
and stains. With 3 kids, a dog and 2 cats I will always be
needing it.
By Kristie from Glen Rock, PA
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Jack's grandfather left him $10 million, and the
next week Diane agreed to marry him.
After three months of married life, Jack noticed
that his beautiful new wife was ignoring him
more and more. On the rare occasion that she
would go to bed with him she would be
indifferent, or even worse, called out other
men's names!
Whenever they went out in public, she ignored
him and flirted with other men. Finally, he
decided to confront her.
"Diane," he said, "the only reason you married
me was because my grandfather left me $10
million when he died."
"Don't be ridiculous," she replied, "I don't care
who gave you the money!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
When his eyes began to give him trouble, a
man went to a ophthalmologist in Prague.
The doctor showed the patient the eye chart,
displaying the letters
CVKPNWXSCZ.
"Can you read that?" the doctor asked.
"Can I read it?" the Czech replied. "I dated his
sister!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
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Can't read filled SD camera memory with Windows 7
Friday, April 30, 2010, 09:25 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Friday, April 29, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Good Morning, !
Today we drove another of my favorite roads, from Prescott,
Arizona, via Highway 89 A through Prescott National Forest
over the mountains to Sedona. It is not a fast road, but very
scenic and very curvy. Coming down from the pass it goes
through Jerome. My friend Jerome at spiritscents.com, the best
expert for converting Windows7 and Vista to XP, claims it
was NOT named after him, but I tell him that it was named in
his honor.
Jerome is an old silver mining town pasted onto a steep
mountain and quite a sight.
Then we drove east to the mountains past Camp Verde,
where we know of some cacti that grow in two very
different variations at the same location.
Normally, differences as drastic as that occur at locations
a thousand miles apart, yet, there they are within a few
feet from each other. It's a mystery we have not solved
yet.
Then heading south we saw snow beside the road above
Strawberry. No glow-bull warming there at all!
At Jakes Corner we took Hwy 87 towards Mesa, because
the weather in that direction was better. It is a fast and
very well made mountain freeway and a real pleasure to drive.
Beautiful mountainous desert in full bloom right now.
Turned back before geting to Mesa and went down Highway 188
along Roosevelt Lake to Globe.
Because of the time spent on Highway 87, we decided to take
a shortcut to Safford and Willcox instead of the long way via
Highway 77 through Mammoth. We'll try that next time.
By the time we got to Willcox it was quite dark.
Found out the hard way that the Super8 Hotel there blocks
out-going email. The desk clerk had no clue and there was
no support number. Nothing on the Super8 site either.
Luckily I have direct access to my servers and can send this
out directly. If you plan to send emails during a trip,
check that out beforehand, or establish a gmail address
beforehand and get your friends to whitelist that address.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Three weeks after her wedding day,
Joanna called her minister.
"Reverend," she wailed, "John and I
had a DREADFUL fight!"
"Calm down, my child," said the
minister, "it's not half as bad as you
think it is. Every marriage has to have
its first fight!"
"I know, I know!" said Joanna,
"but what am I going to do with the
BODY?"
One day my mother, father, younger sister and I
were traveling in the car. My sister turned to me
and asked, "What does horny mean?"
Being 12 years older then she was I did my best to
explain what horny meant in a 10 year olds world.
My mother and father helped between snickers.
After explaining the best we could I asked her
where she heard the word horny. Very seriously
she explained, Well, in science the other day we
were talking about what animals we will learn
about next week, an one of the is the Horny Toad!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Obama
Obama bans US flag in Haiti
http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2010 ... flap_N.htm
Following the devastating earthquake in Haiti , the United
States rushed in to help - with money, medicine, and manpower.
To date, we've already given over $179 million in humanitarian
aid... but Barack Obama has just ordered all U.S. installations
to take down their American flags, lest we be seen as an
"occupying army" rather than "international partners."
It is patently appalling that a president of the United States
would consider our flag to be a symbol of militaristic
takeovers and colonialism, especially when serving
(to a greater degree than any other nation on Earth)
a humanitarian purpose.
Additionally, who would think we'd want to occupy Haiti ?!
The US has in the past interceded in Haiti, and told unpopular
and ineffective dictators to get lost, but never occupied Haiti.
The current show of flags by all the countries helping out
is no more hostile than showing flags at a trade fair or sporting
event.
No other country giving aid in Haiti has lowered its flag.
But then again, no other country has a leader who is
offended by their own flag.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Me
re: Read SD data chips with Windows 7
No useful tips came in today about reading SD camera chips
on Blonde Windows.
Yes, I know it SHOULD work, since it works fine on XP and
Vista. Unfortunately W7 wants to format standard 2 GB chips,
instead of reading them, if they have been used by cameras.
So far the best recommendation is to format the computer
and put Linux or XP on it.
Somewhat skeptical of his son's
newfound determination to become
Charles Atlas, the father nevertheless
followed the teenager over to the
weight-lifting department, admiring a set
of weights.
"Please, Dad," pleaded the boy, "I
promise I'll use 'em every day."
"I don't know, Michael. It's really a big
commitment on your part," the father
pointed out.
"Please, Dad?" the boy continued.
"They're not cheap either," the father came back.
"I'll use 'em Dad, I promise. You'll see."
Finally won over, the father paid for the
equipment and headed for the door.
From the corner of the store he heard his son yelp,
"Wait! You mean I have to carry them to the car?"
One day, two guys decide to take a drive to a local
grocery store to get some lunch. On the way to the
store they ran into an intersection with a stoplight.
The light showed red. The man driving went right
through the red light. The passenger looked at
the driver and screamed, "What the heck are you
doing? You're going to get us killed!"
The driver responded, "Don't worry, my mother
always drives like this."
So later on, the two guys came to another stoplight
- and that too was red. The driver sped right
through the light. Again the passenger looked at
the driver and said, "I thought I told you, you're
gonna get us killed! Would you please stop this
nonsense!"
The driver looked at the passenger and
responded, "All right! I get it! But I told you my
mother drives like this all the time!"
Again, the two guys came to another light. This
time it was green. The Driver slammed on his
brakes and stopped the car totally.
"What the heck are you doing?" The passenger
screamed, "This is the third time you almost got
us killed. Why did you stop at a green light?"
"Because my mother might be coming the other
way!" the Driver replied.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Two guys were doing construction on a house.
The guy who was nailing down siding would reach
into his nail pouch, pull out a nail, and then either
toss it over his shoulder or nail it into the siding.
The other guy saw him tossing all the nails over
his shoulder and asked,
"Why are you throwing those nails away?"
The first guy said, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch
and it's pointed towards me, I throw it away 'cause
it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I
nail it into the siding."
The second guy was outraged. He yelled, "You
idiot! The nails pointed towards you aren't
defective! They're for the other side of the
house!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
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Can you read standard SD chips with Windows 7 ?
Thursday, April 29, 2010, 11:14 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Thursday, April 29, 2010
If you can find something everyone agrees on,
it's wrong.
--- Mo Udall
I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you
clean.
--- G. K. Chesterton
Few things are harder to put up with than the
annoyance of a good example.
--- Mark Twain
Good Morning, !
Did the emails while dad went for breakfast, and was able
to leave Las Vegas just after morning rush-hours. Gained more
time yet by sneaking out via Eastern Avenue.
The Hoover Dam bridge looks quite impressive now. One section
still needs decking, and the side rails still have to be completed.
However, it probably won't be opened for this summer traffic.
The approaches on the Arizona side won't be ready. The work
on the bridge progressed a lot faster than they expected.
I can't show you the pictures I took, because Blonde Windoze
still can't read camera chips without wanting to format the chip
and destroying the pictures. Yes, I got stuck with a W7 machine
for this trip, because my laptop expired two days before the
trip and I had no time to get an XP laptop.
No, I am not the least bit impressed with Blonde Windoze.
It may be cutesy, but it is not good enough for somebody, who
expects everything to work and to get some work done in a
hurry.
Possibly I find a patch or utility, that will let me read the camera
chip, but unless I do, you will have to wait until I get to an XP
machine.
The highway in Arizona was smooth and fast with little traffic.
Just south-east of Wikiup is the turn-off to one of my favorite
roads, Highway 97 to Bagdad. I can't resist that. It is a
beautifully paved roller coaster laid into the hills without
moving much dirt. They just laid it out for maximum fun and
paved it. I sincerely hope that they never straighten or level
that road!
Just past Bagdad is the big Phelps Dodge copper mine, one of
the biggest in the world. Have a look at it with Google Earth:
Bagdad, AZ It is huge and very colorful.
A few miles northeast of the mine we had found some Buoflama
cacti many years ago. They are nearly extinct, so we go check
up on them and re-plant those, that have been knocked loose by
animals or the February rains. They were doing fine, and one,
that I had re-planted last year, had two flowers on it.
After that we took Highway 96 to Prescott and got there half
an hour before sunset.
Sure had a lot of email waiting for me!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A lady dropped her handbag in the bustle of
weekend shopping. An honest, little boy
noticed her drop the handbag, so he picked it
up and returned it to her.
The lady looked into her handbag and
commented, "Hmm.... That's funny.
When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it.
Now there are twenty $1 bills."
The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The
last time I found a purse, the owner didn't have
any change for a reward."
Thanks to Chuck for this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Samuel Collins, 28, of Fort Lauderdale, FL
Man tries to wash down marijuana with double cheeseburger
NEW PORT RICHEY — When a Pasco sheriff's deputy approached
the window of Samuel Collins' Honda Del Sol about 2:30 a.m.
Saturday, Collins had a baggy of marijuana in his mouth, the
deputy reported.
But that was just the appetizer. To swallow the baggy,
Collins, 28, grabbed a double cheeseburger with both hands
and began "shoving the burger into his mouth," according
to the report.
The deputy, who stopped Collins off U.S. 19 and State Road
54 after seeing a McDonald's bag fly out his window, yelled
for Collins to spit it out. Yet Collins continued to chew and
swallow, the report states, until the deputy grabbed him
by his left arm and pulled him to the ground.
Collins spit out the baggy and a small clear wrapper of marijuana,
and the deputy found a joint on the passenger seat, the report
states. Collins, who showed signs of drug and alcohol use, said
he was sorry for trying to swallow the "weed" and told deputies
he had a suspended license and was afraid of being arrested,
the report states.
Collins was charged with marijuana possession, tampering with
evidence and driving without a license.
Collins, a Fort Lauderdale native, paid his bond and was
released from the Land O'Lakes jail Sunday. He was last
arrested New Year's Day for failing to appear on a marijuana
possession charge, records show.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Me
re: Read SD data chips with Windows 7
I am trying to read the pictures on an SD data chip,
and copy them to a Windows 7 computer, just like I have done
for over a dozen years with Windows98 and XP computers.
Windows 7 wants to format the SD chip and destroy the
pictures.
Is there a patch or utility that allows Blonde Windows to
read standard SD data chips from normal cameras?
?????????
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Starting a Garden Journal
Start a vegetable garden journal now, so you can begin
planning for next year. Use a notebook of any sort and
notate things you think would be helpful in future planning.
These are the things I'm including in mine:
* Dollars spent on seeds, fertilizer, soil and such.
* Names of the seeds planted, date planted, and dates
of first harvest.
* Cost of vegetable plants to track savings from starting
from seed. At $3.50 per plant versus $1 per seed packet,
I saved $96.This will motivate me to start seeds on time.
* Names and types of fertilizers along with how often applied.
* Number of each vegetable planted.
* Map of garden so I'll remember what was planted where.
* General notations about diseases, problems, what worked and what didn't.
* Log the weight of the produce as it comes in to track real grocery store savings.
Happy gardening!
By Tracey from Jacksonville, FL
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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Highly recommended!
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The teacher advised the class to start the day
with the Pledge of Allegiance, and instructed
them to put their right hands over their hearts
and repeat after him. He looked around the
room as he started the recitation, "I pledge
allegiance to the flag..."
When his eyes fell on Little Johnny, he noticed
his hand over the right cheek of his buttocks.
"Little Johnny, I will not continue till you put
your hand over your heart."
Little Johnny replied, "It is over my heart."
After several attempts to get Little Johnny to
put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked,
"Why do you think that is your heart?"
"Because, every time my Grandma comes to
visit, she picks me up, pats me here, and
says, 'Bless your little heart,' and my Grandma
wouldn't lie."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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Having lost weight over the past few years, a
lady was discarding things from her wardrobe
that no longer fit. Her seven-year-old daughter
was watching as she held up a huge pair of
slacks.
"Wow," the lady said, "I must have worn these
when I was a hundred and eighty."
Her daughter looked puzzled and asked,
"How old are you now?"
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Not all mice have drivers for tilt wheel
Wednesday, April 28, 2010, 07:51 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Wednesday, April 28, 2010
"The best rule of friendship is to keep your
heart a little softer than your head."
--- Socratex
"There are well-dressed foolish ideas just as
there are well- dressed fools."
--- Nicolas Chamfort
No one appreciates the value of constructive
criticism more thoroughly than the one who's
giving it.
--- Hal Chadwick
I'm in Las Vegas, and by the time you read this, I will be
on the highway, heading down to Arizona.
The flight here was fine, and the pilot even made a little
detour to show us a close-up of the new Hoover Dam bridge.
It is not officially open yet. There were still people on it
working on railings and things like that, but it is
substantially completed. It looks like the grand opening
could be before the end of the school year and the big
summer traffic.
Before the flight, though, there were a lot of very
unhappy people. To help the US to cope with tourists from
Canada, and also with Americans returning from Canada,
Calgary built a huge US Customs facility right into the
airport about 9 years ago, in line with the security check
section.
The customs facility has booths for 14 US customs
officers, to check if anybody is smuggling Canadina Maple
Syrup or Canadian Bacon into the US. There are 12 for
passengers and two for crew.
They had four (4) customs officers there, and they were in
a friendly, chatty mood, taking their sweet time. People were
freaking out, and stewardesses from held up planes were
coming back, picking out their passengers and dragging them
through the crew lanes. Especially American travelers were
getting quite uptight at what seemed a deliberate slow-down.
I have no idea whether the slow-down and work-to-rule effort
was a union issue or politically motivated, but the slow shuffle
through the half mile US style serpentine sure made a lot
of people very unhappy.
Security after that was a breeze. The all Taliban or Pakistani
crews were not fazed a bit by the rivets on my jeans and
whatever causing more beeps than you would expect from
a fully armed Marine, but it gave the girl an excuse to grope
a bit. Now I know where to stash stuff, if I ever want to do
any serious smuggling. But they were fast.
All security lanes, including those in the alternate route,
were fully staffed and there were none of the usual line-ups
in the security area at all, except a few people queueing
AFTER Security for the chairs to sit on for putting shoes
and boots back on.
I made it to my plane on time, and was not the last at all.
We took off a bit late, but as is usual with WestJet, we
arrived 15 minutes early for the traditional race to the
smoking area outside the terminal. No, I didn't win it this
time, but I was in the top 10.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the
doctor for a check-up. He said, "I feel terrible.
Please examine me and tell me what is wrong."
"Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor,
"Do you drink much?"
"Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaler. Never
touch a drop."
"How about smoking?" asked the doctor.
"Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad, and I
have strong principles against it."
"Well, uh." asked the doctor, "do you have much
sex life?"
"Oh, no," said the man. "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by
10:30 every night and I always have been."
The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and
asked, "Well, do you have pains in your head?"
"Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head."
"O.K.," said the doctor. "That's your trouble. Your
halo is on too tight!!
Thanks to Chuck for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Charles Byrd, 23 and Timothy Donahue, 25,
of Sugar Hill, Georgia
DUI chase leads to marijuana grow house
A fleeing DUI suspect led police on Saturday to his Gwinnett County marijuana grow house, authorities said.
Thanks to the man's apparently drunken flight, police were
able to arrest two people while confiscating pot worth more
than $327,000, police said Monday.
The fleeing suspect, 23-year-old Charles Byrd of Sugar Hill,
was charged with driving under the influence and possession
of marijuana with the intent to sell, among other things.
Timothy Donahue, 25, was found hiding at the house, and
also received a drug-selling charge.
Around 10:17 p.m., a DUI task force officer tried to stop a
green Chrysler Sebring after seeing the car break several
traffic laws, police said.
Rather than pull over for the officer, however, the driver --
Byrd -- leaped from the car and ran to a nearby home in
the 5000 block of Cumming Highway in an unincorporated
area of Gwinnett near Buford, Gwinnett police spokesman
Brian Kelly said.
When Byrd ran into the house and locked the door, more
police were called to the scene.
After surrounding the home, police approached, and Byrd
soon emerged from inside.
Out from behind the man crept a strong smell of pot, police
noticed. So he was arrested.
While dealing with Byrd, officers found Donahue hidden inside
the house, Kelly said.
After obtaining a search warrant, police found and seized 69
marijuana plants in varying stages of maturity, 1,490 grams
of processed pot, and marijuana-cultivating equipment.
In addition to drug charges, Byrd was charged with driving
with an expired tag and no headlights after dark, making an
improper turn, and not having his license with him while
driving.
Donahue also has an outstanding warrant with the
Alpharetta police.
Both men are being held in the Gwinnett County Detention
Center without bond.
Police continue to investigate and add more charges.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Frank
re: Mouse problems on Windows
Dear Webby
Eileen and you probably expect Microsoft mice to be as
modern as Logitech mice. They aren't. Forget about trying
to use the tilt wheel. Sure, the hardware DOES have a tilt
wheel on most modern mice, but Microsoft drivers don't
recognize it. There is no way to assign any function to
the left and right tilt of the scroll wheel with even the
newest downloaded Microsoft drivers. The hardware is willing,
but the software is lacking.
If you want, and are used to the tilt wheel functions, you
have to buy a Logitech mouse.
Frank
Dear Frank
I started to suspect that, and am grateful you confirmed
my suspicions. I won't waste any more money on Microsoft mice.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Two men were talking. "My son asked me
what I did during the Sexual Revolution," said
one. "I told him I was captured early and spent
the duration doing the dishes.
The other day I needed to call home from
downtown, but the only pay phone I could find
was in use. So I stood to the side to politely
wait until it was free, thinking it would only be a
couple of minutes. Five minutes went by, and
still the man was on the phone. He was just
standing there, not saying a word. Two
minutes later, he was still not talking.
Finally, I tapped him on the shoulder and
asked if I could use the phone. I really wouldn't
be long, but needed to make an important call.
"Hold your horses," he responded, covering
the receiver. "I'm talking to my wife."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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The crowded cafeteria sported a large sign
reading: "Watch Your Hat And Overcoat."
Ira sure did. He kept turning every minute,
almost choking over his food. His pal, Barney,
kept on eating, without thought of his own coat
on the hook. Finally Barney said, "Ira, you
Schmuck...stop watching our overcoats."
"I'm only watching mine," replied Ira. "Yours
has been gone for over half an hour."
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Mice erratic on Windows 7
Tuesday, April 27, 2010, 11:04 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Living the past is a dull and lonely business;
looking back strains the neck muscles,
causing you to bump into people not going
your way."
--- Edna Ferber
I write down everything I want to remember.
That way, instead of spending a lot of time
trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I
spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it
down on.
--- Beryl Pfizer
Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a
friends house. Knowing his sweet tooth
Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes
and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second
piece of cake."
"No," replied Tommy, "but I asked Mrs. Smith
for the recipe so you could make some just
as good, and she gave me two more pieces
without me having to ask."
A boss tells his new employee, "I'll give you 8
bucks an hour starting today, and in three
months, I'll raise it to 10 bucks an hour. So
when would you like to start?"
The employee replies, "How about in 3
months?"
Thanks to Joann for this picture:
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a Quandria (KWAN'-dree-ah) Bailey, 28 in Meriden, Conn
Woman tried to use 911 as free taxi service
NEW HAVEN, Conn. (AP) - Police in one Connecticut city have
a warning for nightclub patrons: Don't call 911 for a ride home.
New Haven police say that's what 28-year-old Quandria
(KWAN'-dree-ah) Bailey did, calling the emergency line six
times to request a ride from a nightclub back to her Meriden
home.
Bailey was charged with six counts of misuse of the 911
system early Sunday. She was released on a $1,000 bond
and is scheduled to appear in court May 5.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Eileen
re: Mouse problems on W7
Dear Webby
Your pasting mishaps in today's (Monday's) newsletter reminded
me of the problems I have with mice on W7. Just about any mouse
I try has some problem. For example, he MS Laser Mouse 6000
pastes (right side-button) on proximity, if I even get close to it.
Probably what happened to you yesterday.
On my other current mouse, an Explorer Mini Mouse, the scroll
doesn't work in all programs. Yet in some it works fine.
Can that be fixed, or do I have to keep buying mice until I find
one that works with W7?
Eileen
Dear Eileen
Don't use the mouse drivers, that are built into W7.
Un-install those. And don't use the mouse drivers, that are
on the CD, that came with the mouse. Download the current
driver from Microsoft. There are still some problems,
but fewer of them.
Because W7 is not really meant for work but for playing and
high speed gaming, W7 is set to take mouse input instantly,
without requiring even a micro-second dwell to verify that
you really mean to do that. Until somebody writes a fix
for that, you may have better luck with a Logitech or other
multi-button mouse.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Mother: "Why are you home from school so
early?"
Son: "I was the only one who could answer a
question."
Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?"
Son: "Who threw the tomato at the principal?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Make Your Own Hamburger Patties
When forming burgers, I use a hamburger press. I would then
flatten the burgers with my hands to make them thinner.
This way when cooked on the grill, they don't get too thick.
If the burgers are formed thin, they will be almost like the
fast food restaurant burgers, depending on the type of
ground beef that is used. If someone likes a thicker burger,
they can put two burgers on their bun.
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
A redneck boy came home from class and his
redneck father asked, "What did you learn in
algebra class today, son?"
"Well, I learned Pi R Square," replied the boy.
"Now, hold on there son," he quickly replied,
"you may think I am stupid, but everybody
knows that pie are round."
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Monday, April 26, 2010, 06:45 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Monday, April 26, 2010
"There comes a time in the affairs of a man
when he has to take the bull by the tail and
face the situation."
--- W.C.Fields
"The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow."
---H. G. Wells
Friend: "I suppose you carry a memento of
some sort in that locket of yours?"
Woman: "Yes, it's a lock of my husband's
hair."
Friend: "But your husband is still alive."
Woman: "I know, but his hair is gone."Friend: "I suppose you carry a memento of
some sort in that locket of yours?"
Woman: "Yes, it's a lock of my husband's
hair."
Friend: "But your husband is still alive."
Woman: "I know, but his hair is gone."
The middle-aged man was shuffling along,
bent over at the waist, as his wife helped him
into the doctor's waiting room.
A woman in the office viewed the scene in
sympathy.
"Arthritis with complications?" she asked.
The wife shook her head,
"Noooo....Do-it-yourself,"
she explained, "with concrete blocks."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a 52 year old dopey fugitive in Albion, Indiana
Police find suspect neck-deep in liquid manure pit
ALBION, Ind. (AP) - Police said that officers searching for
a man wanted on methamphetamine charges found him
hiding neck-deep in a liquid manure pit at a northeastern
Indiana farm. Noble County sheriff's deputies thought
they'd lost the man until an officer spotted him in the
tank beneath an outbuilding floor on the farm near
Albion.
Chief Deputy Doug Harp said the man, 52, had been
neck-deep in the combination of hog and dog feces
for at least an hour Tuesday evening. He later became
combative and had to be shocked twice with a
stun gun.
The suspect was treated at a hospital for hypothermia
before he being taken to jail.
A Steuben County magistrate on Wednesday ordered
the suspect held without bail because he missed
court hearings in February and March.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Helene
re: Can't download Spybot
Dear Webby:
Sorry to be a pain but have a big problem trying to get
Spybot from your site to let me have a download. I've
copied the address to mail a check to: Patrick Kolla,
Safer-Networking Ltd., POBox 16, Greystones, Co. Wicklow,
Ireland, so when I get I get my meager SS payment in
and the few other bills paid, I'll then be able to forward
a check to them. However, no matter how hard I try,
the site will not let me download without first paying or
charging. Is there any way to download the service
they offer without being blackmailed for it first? Would
appreciate any help you can offer. Thank you so much
in advance.
Helene
Dear Helene
They are only sincerely asking for help, not demanding it.
You can still download the real Spypot-Search&Destroy free:
http://www.safer-networking.org/en/ownm ... index.html
If something is stopping you from doing that, then it is
AOL or infection in your computer. Most of the newer viruses
prevent you from downloading or installing programs,
that could wipe them out.
You might have to clear up that problem first.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
George had invited the pastor and his wife for
dinner, and it was little Joey's job to set the
table. But when it came time to eat, Joey's
mother said with surprise, "Why didn't you give
Mrs. Brown a knife and fork dear?".
"I didn't think I needed to," Joey explained,
"I heard Daddy say she always eats like a
horse."
An acquaintance of mine who is a veterinarian
told this story about her then-four-year-old
daughter. On the way to pick her up from
kindergarten, she had left her stethoscope on the
car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began
playing with it. Oh, wow, thought my friend, my
daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!
Then the child spoke into the instrument:
"Welcome to McDonald's. Do you want fwies wif that?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
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Matt went into Doc Steven's office for his annual
checkup, and the Doc asked if there was anything
unusual he should know about.
That left it pretty wide open, so he told the Doc
that he found it real strange how his suit must've
shrunk just sittin' in his closet, because it didn't fit
when he went to get ready for a wedding recently.
The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sittin' there.
You probably just put on a few pounds, Matt."
"That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single
pound since the last time I wore it."
"Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of
Furniture Disease."
"What in the world is Furniture Disease?" Matt
asked.
"Furniture Disease, Matt, is when you reach that
stage in life when your chest starts slidin' down
into your drawers."
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How to change file associations in Windows 7
Sunday, April 25, 2010, 07:27 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Sunday, April 25, 2010
History is the version of past events
that people have decided to agree upon.
--- Napoleon Bonaparte
History is the version of past events
that the winners have decided to agree upon.
--- Dwight D Eisenhower
A woman was driving her old car on the
highway with her 7 year old son, Little Johnny.
She tried to keep up with traffic but they were
flying by her. After getting caught in a large
group of cars speeding down the road, she
looked at her speedometer and saw that she
was going 15 miles over the speed limit.
Slowing down, she moved over to the side
and got out of the clump that soon left her
behind. She looked up and saw the flashing
lights of a police car.
Pulling over she waited for the officer to come
up to her car. As he did he said,
"Ma'am do you know why I pulled you over?"
From the back seat, Little Johnny yelled,
"I do! Because with that big clunky lemon of
yours you couldn't catch the fast cars!"
After a long, dry sermon, the minister
announced that he wished to meet with the
church board following the close of the
service.
The first man to arrive and greet the minister
was a total stranger.
"You misunderstood my announcement. This
is a meeting of the board members," explained
the minister.
"I know," said the man, "but if there is anyone
here more bored than I am, then I'd like to
meet him."
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Christina Cifaldi, 22, of Cape Coral, Florida
Police arrest woman for urinating on clothes at Walmart
8:35 P.M. UPDATE — Police have found and arrested a woman
suspected of urinating on clothes at a Walmart store in Cape Coral.
Christina Cifaldi, 22, of Cape Coral was charged with criminal
mischief and property damage.
Employees at the store on Del Prado Boulevard told officers
that they saw her take $163 in clothes off the racks and
go into a fitting room.
The employees told police that the woman then urinated on
the clothes and left the store.
Police found Cifaldi because she left her wallet, with her
driver’s license, in the changing room along with the
urine-soaked clothes.
She was released today from the Lee County Jail after
paying $500 bail. Her next court appearance on the criminal
mischief charge is May 11. There was no mention of any
health or medical related emergency, urgency or accident.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Christine
re: File Associatons in Windows 7
Dear Webby
I too got raped by W7, against my wishes and choice. Until
I can convert it to XP or Linux, I am reminded a hundred times
a day of the salesman saying: "You will get used to everything
being slower. You are not as fast any more as you once were."
Well, he had one foot up on a box of paper and my knee was
still a lot faster than his balls. Luckily his manager and some
other employees saw it, sided with me, and he got fired.
That doesn't help me cope with this alien crap.
How does one change the file association? There is no "File Types"
in Folder Options, and "Default Programs" in the Control Panel is a
perverted way to waste time and does not work right either.
What rigmarole do I have to go through now?
Christine
Dear Christine
I hope you did not hurt your knee!
Open the File Explore, and find a file of that type.
Highlight it, right-click it and select Properties.
Hit CHANGE beside "Opens With" and browse to the program you
want to use. It might not be listed there, and you may have to
browse to where it is located Doubleclick it to select it.
Look for another file of that type to see if it is correctly
associated with your chosen program.
Depending on how your File Explore works, you may also see
a sub menu bar with
Organize - Open \/ - Print - Burn - NewFolder
Hit that little down arrow beside Open and you will be able to
select from SOME of the installed programs and also set the
default program.
You can also go to
Control Panel
All Control Panel Items
Default Programs
ASSociate A File Type
That is roughly equivalent to TOOLS, Folder Options, File Types,
just a lot less user friendly.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A young woman was suffering badly from hay
fever. She was going to a fancy dinner party
that night and figured she would need at least
two handkerchiefs to get her through the
evening. She didn't have any pockets, so she
stuffed them both in her bra. Halfway through
the night, she had already used up one
handkerchief and was rummaging around
in her bra for the other one. She was having
trouble finding it, and soon she noticed that
everyone at the table was looking at her.
"What on earth are you doing?" asked one of
her colleagues.
She replied, "I could have sworn I had two
when I arrived".
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Magic Eraser for Clean Sneakers
I can't stand having dirty sneakers. I used to use white
shoe polish but it smells, takes a while to dry and can stain.
I've found that using a Mr. Clean magic erase block
(or similar store brand erase block) works wonderful at
whitening even the oldest dingy sneakers. I tried using
bleach on one shoe and the erase block on the other
and I was surprised to find the shoe I used the erase
block on looked much better.
By Rachel G. from Port Orchard, WA
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
With the help of a fertility specialist,
a 65 year old woman has a baby. All
her relatives come to visit and meet
the newest member of their family.
When they ask to see the baby, the 65
year old mother says
"not yet."
A little later they ask again to see the baby.
Again the mother says "not yet."
Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?"
And the mother says, "When the baby cries."
They all ask, "Why do we have to
wait until the baby cries?"
The new mother says, "because I
forgot where I put it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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A man was wheeling himself frantically down
the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just
before his operation.
A nurse stopped him and asked,
"What's the matter?"
He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very
simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be
all right.'"
"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so
frightening about that?"
"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to
the doctor!"
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Saturday, April 24, 2010, 09:30 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Saturday, April 24, 2010
" It is easier to forgive an enemy
than to forgive a friend. "
--- William Blake
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to
have his head examined.
--- Samuel Goldwyn
Don't worry about avoiding temptation.
As you grow older, it will avoid you.
--- Socratex
At a fancy reception a young man was asked
by a widow to guess her age. "You must have
some idea," she urged when he hesitated.
"I have several ideas," he admitted with a
smile, "the trouble is that I don't know whether
to make it ten years younger because
of your looks or ten years older because of
your wisdom."
As we drove along a Los Angeles thoroughfare
lined with spectacular advertising signs, nine-
year-old Billy exclaimed:
"Look at all the bullboards!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Brian Splain, 46,Brian Splain, 46, in Marathon, Florida
Man Charged With Sand Theft
The Monroe County Sheriff's Office said deputies responded to
reports Sunday of a truck stuck in the sand at Coco Plum Beach
in Marathon and three deputies arrived to find Brian Splain, 46,
with his 1989 Ford F-150 loaded with sand from the beach, the
Miami Herald reported Tuesday.
The deputies said Splain, who failed field sobriety tests, told
them he needed the sand for a job.
Splain was arrested and booked into the Monroe County jail
on charges of grand theft of the sand, criminal mischief and
driving while impaired.
----------
Even though people are complaining about beaches widening,
there are still laws against taking sand without a permit.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Brigitta
re: Excel on Windows 7
Dear Webby
Sheelagh sure was spot on by calling Windows 7 "Blonde Windows".
It's an advertisement for Linux, and even Macs are starting
to look like a usable alternative!
I almost got fired because of it, well actually because of
unplugging a brand new computer and throwing it at the guy
who had plugged it in.
I use M$ Office and on the old XP computer Excel spreadsheets
pop up almost as fast as they do on Quattro on my even older
computer at home. Normal spreadsheets full of numbers and
graphs.
The new computer came with a trial of the newest M$ Office
good for 25 uses. To transfer the files, the new machine was
put beside the old one and connected to the same network.
The same spreadsheets are pathetically slow on the W7 machine,
way too slow for getting the work done, that I am expected
to do every day. The new machine has four times the CPU
speed, twice the RAM, and a near empty, uncluttered hard
drive without any fixit utilities slowing it down.
I didn't quite apologize for throwing the computer, but I
promised to ask you, if there was a way to make it usable
for big spreadsheets.
So I did.
Brigitta
Dear Brigitta
You can download and install Open Office. It is free.
That is one reason most businesses are switching to it.
It's spreadsheets are a little bit faster than Excel.
Quatto would be faster yet, and with more features,
but don't use an XP 32 bit Quattro on a W7-64 bit machine.
Windows 7 does not deal with it very well.
You will have to use Quattro for W7 from Corel Office X5,
but X5 costs about $100, unless you can find an OEM
issue on eBay.
In the long run, though, the best solution would be to put
XP or Linux onto that machine. Those are made for work,
not for looking cutesy.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A married couple was celebrating their 60th
wedding anniversary. At the party everybody
wanted to know how they managed to stay
married so long in this day and age. The
husband responded "When we were first
married we came to an agreement. I would
make all the major decisions and my wife
would make all the minor decisions.
And in 60 years of marriage we have never
needed to make a major decision."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Donate Usable Yard Sale Leftovers
Most of us "thrifty people" have yard sales occasionally.
We usually have in the contents of our sale, items that we
no longer use or want. After a sale there are always items
that didn't sell.
Let's all remember the less fortunate and donate our
leftover items. Most community churches will accept
donations to help victims of fire, flood, etc.
Speaking as a tornado victim, I know firsthand how the
smallest things, such as toys for a child, or clothing for
the elderly are appreciated. When a family loses everything,
there will be not one item that goes to waste.
By vguy from Earle, AR
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
74 year old Harold tripped on the stairs and
broke his leg. The doctor put a cast on it and
warned that he wasn't to use the stairs until
the cast came off.
A month later he removed the cast and
pronounced him well on the way to recovery.
"Oh good," he responded. "Is it all right for me
to walk the stairs now?"
"Yes," said the doctor, "if you will promise to
be careful."
"I can't tell you what a relief it will be," Harold
sighed. "It was such a nuisance crawling
outside and shinnying up and down that
drainpipe all the time!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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.
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The little boy was caught swearing by his
teacher. "Billy," she said, "you shouldn't use
that kind of language. Where did you hear it?"
"My daddy said it," he responded.
"Well, that doesn't matter," she explained,
"I don't want to hear that language in here
again."
After a moment, she whispered aloud,
"At least he doesn't know what it means."
"I do, too," Billy corrected.
"It means the car won't start."
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Background colors in Blonde Windows
Friday, April 23, 2010, 07:39 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Friday, April 23, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Never explain--your friends do not need it
and your enemies will not believe you anyway.
--- Elbert Hubbard
I daresay one profits more by the mistakes one
makes off one's own bat than by doing the right
thing on somebody's else advice.
--- W. Somerset Maugham,
A redneck family from the hills was visiting the
city and they were in a mall for the first time in
their life. The father and son strolled around
while the wife shopped. They were amazed by
almost everything they saw, but absolutely
mezmerised by the two shiney, silver walls
that moved apart, then slide back together
again.
The boy asked,"Pa, what's 'at?"
The father, also never having seen an elevator
responded,"Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen
anything like that in all my life. I just ain't
got no idea what it could be."
While the boy and his father watched in
amazement, an older fat lady in a wheel chair
rolled up to the moving walls and pushed a
button. The walls opened up, and the lady
rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed, and the boy and his father
watched the small circular numbers light up
sequentially. They watched until it reached the
last number, and a few seconds later the
numbers lit up one by one in reverse
sequence until the number 1 lit up, the walls
opened up again, and this voluptuous 24 year
old blonde stepped out and strolled away.
The father, not being able to take his eyes of
the woman leaned over and quietly said to his
son,"Boy, go get your Momma!!!!!!
A minister, after listening to an impromptu
campaign speech on main street,
"Before I vote for you for sheriff, I'd like to know
if you partake of intoxicating beverages?"
Candidate for sheriff, "Before I answer, tell me
if this is an inquiry or an invitation."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Amy Teresa Ricks, 37, in Salt Lake City, Utah
Utah woman sentenced in 'surprise' hammer beating
Apr 21, 9:28 PM (ET)
SALT LAKE CITY (AP) - A Utah woman has been sentenced to
30 days at home with an ankle monitor for blindfolding her husband
and promising him a surprise before hitting him in the head
with a hammer three years ago.
Amy Teresa Ricks also was sentenced to probation and
community service Monday in 3rd District Court. The
37-year-old pleaded guilty to second-degree felony
aggravated assault in February.
Prosecutors have agreed to reduce the conviction to a
third-degree felony after Ricks completes probation. They
also agreed to let Ricks seek expungement of the crime
after seven years.
Ricks' husband suffered minor injuries in the May 2007
attack. At the time of her plea, Ricks' defense attorney said
the two were still married but were separated.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Sheelagh
re: Windows 7 colors
Dear Webby
I am temporarily stuck with a machine that has Blonde
Windows on it. Yuck! Aside from hitting everything three
times because it seems as if the first two double-clicks
didn't do anything, I find the few available color schemes
as limited as a kindergartner's toy plastic jewelry.
I did find the sneaky way to get to an XP style Appearance
setting panel, and it does change the background color
from freaking white to a more pleasant and productive color,
in OTHER APPLICATIONS and programs, but not in Blonde
internal stuff like Explorer, Control Panel, etc. Seems
Blonde Windows is not compatible with itself.
Good old programs like Eudora, that isn't even sold any more
and outlived it's makers like the pyramids do, or Mailwasher,
all change their backgrounds to what I set 7 levels deep in
the Control Panel, but Blonde Windows itself refuses to
budge from bright white.
Do you know of a way to make the panel backgrounds less
hard on the eyes?
Thanks
Sheelagh
Dear Sheelagh
Windows 7, or "Blonde Windows" as you call it, wasn't designed
to be kind to it's victims. It is punishment for bitching about
bugs in previous versions.
As far as I know, there is no way to make the Windows 7
explorer windows act like they were Windows compliant.
You will have to look for a third party file management
utility.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
The trouble with hitting the jackpot on a slot
machine is that it takes so long to put the
money back into the slot..
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Pick Up Litter for Earth Day
For Earth Day and any day, I would suggest picking up litter.
Even if it is just in your yard, every little bit of litter
picked up makes a difference.
Picking up litter is great exercise that produces
quick results.
By Betty
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport.
After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude,
the captain made an announcement over the
intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this
is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight
Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los
Angeles. The weather ahead is good and
therefore we should have a smooth and
uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH
MY GOD!"
Then silence.
Then, the captain came back on the intercom
and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so
sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was
talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of
coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You
should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing.
He should see the back of mine!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
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City Boy: Say, Dad, how many types of milk
are there?
Father: Well, there's evaporated milk,
buttermilk, malted milk, and
--but why do you ask?
City Boy: Oh, I'm drawing a picture of a cow,
and I want to know how many "spigots" to put
on it.
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Resolution setting with new video card
Thursday, April 22, 2010, 06:48 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Thursday, April 22, 2010
Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history
that man can never learn anything from history.
--- George Bernard Shaw
A superstition is a premature explanation that overstays its time.
--- George Iles
Did you ever see the customers in health-food stores?
They are pale skinny people who look half-dead.
In a steak house you see robust, ruddy people.
They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.
--- Bill Cosby
There was once a young man who, in his
youth, professed a desire to become a
"great" writer.When asked to define "great", he
said: "I want to write stuff that the whole
world will read, stuff that people will react to on
a truly emotional level,
stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail,
howl in pain, desperation and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft writing error
messages.
During a service at an old synagogue in
Eastern Europe, when the Shema prayer was
said, half the congregants stood up and half
remained sitting.
The half that was seated started yelling at
those standing to sit down, and the ones
standing yelled at the ones sitting to stand up.
The rabbi, learned as he was in the Law and
commentaries, didn't know what to do.
His congregation suggested that he consult a
housebound 98-year old man, who was one of
the original founders of their temple. The rabbi
hoped the elderly man would be able to tell him
what the actual temple tradition was,
so he went to the nursing home with a
representative of each faction of the
congregation.
The one whose followers stood during Shema
said to the old man, "Is the tradition to stand
during this prayer?"
The old man answered, "No, that is not the
tradition."
The one whose followers sat down, asked,
"Is the tradition to sit during Shema?"
The old man answered, "No, that is not the
tradition."
Then the rabbi said to the old man, "The
congregants fight all the time, yelling at each
other about whether they should sit or stand!"
The old man interrupted, exclaiming,
"THAT is our tradition!"
The aged patient doddered into the doctor's
office with a serious complaint.
"Doc, you've got to do something to lower my
sex drive."
"Come on now SquirrelBait," the doctor said,
"your sex drives all in your head."
"That's what I mean, I need it a bit lower down."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Katrina Purll, 29 in Perth, Scotland
Woman who lost purse with cocaine arrested
PERTH, Scotland, April 21 (UPI) -- Scottish police said a
woman who visited the station to collect her lost purse
was arrested immediately for possession of the cocaine
found inside the bag.
Authorities in Perth said Katrina Purll, 29, pleaded guilty
Tuesday to possession of $23 worth of cocaine and was
ordered to pay a $460 fine, The Daily Record, Glasgow,
reported Wednesday.
Police said Purll left the bag at a pub in November and
was immediately arrested when she arrived at a police
office to collect the purse.
"It seems not to have crossed her mind that the first thing
we do with a bag which is handed in is have a good look
through it," a police source told the Record. "There was a
small bag of cocaine and no one expected the owner to
ask for it back."
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Frank
re: Video Setting
Dear Webby
I had a video card replaced yesterday and my screens don't
look exactly like they did previously.
What is the normal screen resolution setting? Keep in mind
I'm a senior and the eyes aren't what they were 30 years ago.
Thanks again for the response to these basic questions.
Frank
Dear Frank
I run my monitors at 1600 x 1200.
The more pixels you got, the finer and sharper everything is.
You can always crank the font size percentage in the
Advanced part to whatever is comfortable.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Dear Webby,
Much better, my only choices were 1600 x 1024 or 1680 x 1050.
I chose the first one, then increased the font size.
As always, thank you for you timely assistance
Frank
The minister had just finished an excellent
chicken dinner at the home of a member of his
congregation when he saw a rooster come
strutting through the yard.
"That's certainly a proud-looking rooster you
have there," the minister commented.
"Yes, sir," replied the farmer. "He has reason
to be proud -- one of his daughters has just
entered the ministry!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Mark Spool Thread Slot With Red Nail Polish
As I become a WOW (wise older woman), I find it easier to
see if I mark the slot on a spool of thread (the little slot that
holds the thread to keep it from unwinding) with a dot of
red nail polish.
By Cookie from Warrenton, VA
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
At a local coffee shop, a young woman was
expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to
some of her friends. "The man I marry must
be a shining light amongst company. He must
be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home
at night!"
A little old lady at the next table overheard and
spoke up, "Girl, what you described is a
television set!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
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A college senior takes his his new girlfriend to
a football game. The young couple found seats
in the crowded stadium and were watching the
action. A substitute was put into the game, and
as he was running onto the field to take his
position, the boy said to his girfriend,
"Take a good look at that fellow. I expect him
to be our best man next year."
His girfriend snuggled closer and said to the
surprised young man,
"That's the strangest way I ever heard of for a
fellow to propose to a girl. But regardless of
how you said it, I accept!"
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Changing the Windows Start-Up sound
Wednesday, April 21, 2010, 08:26 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Its amazing what you can accomplish if you
do not care who gets the credit.
--- Harry S. Truman
"In the end, the love you take is equal
to the love you make."
---Paul McCartney
My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow
things from each other. Not long ago, when I
requested his ladder, he told me he had lent it
to his son. Recalling a saying my grandmother
used to repeat, I recited, "You should never
lend anything to your kids, because you will
never get it back."
With that, he responded, "Well, it's not even
my ladder. It's my dad's."
An avid golfer was late coming home from his
weekly game. As he dragged himself wearily
through the door, his worried wife met him.
"Honey," she said, "How was your game? Why
are you so late?"
"Well," he replied, "this had to be the worst,
hardest game of my life. Jack died out there on
the golf course. Just had a heart attack at the second
hole and then died."
"Oh, no!" she cried. "How awful for you! He
was your best friend! No wonder you are
late....."
"Yes, the ordeal really wore me out.," he said,
"the whole rest of the game it was hit the ball,
drag Jack, hit the ball, drag Jack......"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Ezequiel Cardoso, 29, of Dorchester, Mass
Drunk Securitas employee arrested after wild chase
Chugging Hennessy cognac, wearing sunglasses after dark and
driving his company car, a security official trying to outrun police
rattled a memorial service, crashed into a cruiser and had to be
pepper-sprayed into submission, authorities alleged.
Ezequiel Cardoso, 29, of Dorchester, who police say worked
for the Boston branch of Securitas - an international security
services firm - “had bloodshot eyes,” reeked of booze and
refused a Breathalyzer test.
Officers said Cardoso was drinking from the bottle of the 40
percent alcohol even as they busted a window of Securitas’
marked vehicle to get at him, according to a police report.
Police caught up to Cardoso at another traffic light, wearing s
unglasses and a stocking cap, but said he refused to acknowledge
them and sped off.
Officers in pursuit followed Cardoso into Everett, where they said
he was “changing lanes in an unsafe manner” and “passed recklessly”
by a memorial gathering before crashing into a state police cruiser.
The trooper reported seeing Cardoso continue to drink as he used his
baton to break the driver’s window. At that point, police said Cardoso
“opened his mouth in such a manner that it appeared that he was going
to bite the officers.”
Cardoso is facing a long list of charges, including assault and battery
with a dangerous weapon and drunken driving. His manager at
Securitas did not return calls.
He was arraigned in Chelsea District Court,
where he pleaded not guilty.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Anita
re: Change Windows start-up sound
Dear Webby
Is there a way to get rid off or changing the Windows start-up
noise? Even the sounds my hubby makes, when he impersonates
a coffee maker, would be more welcome in the morning that that
pompous "Tadaa!"
Thanks
Anita
1. Go to the Control Panel.
2. Click the Sounds and Audio Devices icon,
3. Click the Sounds tab.
4. Under "Program Events", select Start Windows.
You can select a sound from the drop-down menu or
click Browse to select a .wav file.
If you don't want Windows to play any sound during
startup, select (None) from the drop-down menu.
You can also browse to your collection of wav files and select
one from there. There is no limit, you can pick even long
songs.
Keep in mind that no matter what you select, sooner or
later you will get tired of it. You might get a laugh the first
few times you hear "When Daddy Cut the Big one at the
Horn Lake Mississippi Missionary Baptist Church", but after
a few days that will get annoying.
The best way to deal with that is to make a new folder,
and every time you come across a suitable wav file, put a
copy of it in there. (CTRL Drag copies).
Rename the first one 1.wav.
Select that 1.wav for the start up sound.
When you get tired of that one, rename it to 2.wav and
rename another one to 1.wav. Windows will play whatever
is called 1.wav after you select that once. You can just
quickly change the 1.wav and don't have to go through
the Sound selection rigmarole.
Personally, I have used BUBBLE2.WAV for years. It is a tiny
2 KB wav that sounds like one single drop of water falling into
a puddle, and about as quiet too.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
The gigantic computer took up a whole wall,
dwarfing the programmer and the
mathematician standing before it. After much
flashing and humming a sliver of paper
emerged from the vitals of the machine.
The mathematician, after studying it gravely,
turned to the programmer and said with awe,
"Do you realize that it would take four hundred
ordinary mathematicians a hundred years of
calculations.....
....to make a mistake this big?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Garnish Wine With Frozen Grapes
Freeze grapes before they go bad. They make a wonderful garnish
in wine and keep it cool! Place red grapes in white wine,
and white grapes in red wine! You'll be the hit of the
party. Enjoy
By Darnie from Langley, BC Canada
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Little Johnny, burst into the house, crying his
eyes out. His Mama asked him what the
problem was.
"Pop and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant
fish. Really big. Then, when he was reeling it
in, the line busted, ....and the fish got away."
"Now come on, Johnny," his mother said, "a
big boy like you shouldn't be crying about an
accident like that. You should have laughed."
"That's what I did, Mama."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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.
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A little old lady goes to the doctor and says,
"Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it
really doesn't bother me too much because
they never smell and are always silent. As a
matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times
since I've been here in your office."
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and
come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady goes back to his office.
"Doctor," she says, "I don't know what you
gave me, but now my farts, although still
silent, stink terribly!"
The doctor says, "Good, Now that we've
cleared up your sinuses,
let's work on your hearing."
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Can't read PDF files with Adobe
Tuesday, April 20, 2010, 07:51 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Americans will put up with anything provided
it doesn't block traffic.
--- Dan Rather
It's useless trying to hold a person to
anything s/he says while s/he's in
love, drunk or running for office.
--- Socratex
Murphy's Technology Law #347:
Technology is regulated by those who
manage what they do not understand.
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a National
Organization for Women gathering, and his
hostess naturally broached the subject in
which the doctor was most at ease.
"Would you mind telling me, Doctor,"
she asked, "how you detect a mental
deficiency in somebody who appears
completely normal?"
"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a
simple question which everyone should
answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that
puts you on the right track."
"What sort of question?"
"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made
three trips around the world and died during
one of them. Which one?'
The woman thought a moment, then said with
a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have
another example, would you? I must confess I
don't know much about history."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:
Rotterdam
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Paul Hutton, 40 in Essex, England
Man loses licence after drunk-driving in toy Barbie car
A man who was caught drink-driving in a toy car with a top
speed of 4mph has been banned from driving.
Paul Hutton, 40, was pulled over by police as he drove an electric
Barbie car, which moves slower than a mobility scooter,
near his home in Essex.
Mr Hutton, who has four children, admitted being a 'complete twit'.
Speaking after the hearing at Colchester magistrates court,
he said: "You have to be a contortionist to get in, and then
you can't get out.
"I was very surprised to get done for drink-driving but I was
a twit to say the least.
"It is designed for three-to-five-year-olds.
"Originally it was a pink Barbie car but I put bigger wheels
on it but it's not fast.
Mr Hutton, who is divorced, is a former RAF aeronautical
engineer who now studies electrical engineering at
Colchester Institute.
He explained: "I'm in the third year of my electrical
engineering course and it was a little project I was doing
with my son who is doing a car mechanics course.
"When it was done I couldn't resist the temptation to
take it out."
He was given a mandatory three-year ban because he had
received another drink-drive ban within the past ten years.
Magistrates also gave him a 12-month conditional discharge
and ordered him to pay £85 court costs.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Guinn
re: Can't read PDF
HI, Webby.
I am having trouble downloading a pdf file (a manual for a GPS)
from the disk that came with the unit.
I have tried to install Adobe Reader 9 three times but when
I check for it, all I can find is Adobe Flash Player 10.
Do you have any ideas about this? Is it related to the fact I use
Firefox and Open Office?
Any help would be appreciated,
Guinn
Dear Guinn
That has nothing to do with FireFox or Open Office.
Adobe Flash reader and Adobe Acrobat PDF reader are
not the same.
Go to my tool box and scoot way down to just below the
SP3 blocker.
There you find the Foxit PDF reader and the Adobe PDF reader.
Normally both of those set the registry to associate PDF fils
with the. It IS possible, though, that you have the reistry
locked against any changes. In that case, you have to first
temporarily unlock it before installing any PDF reader.
To check that, open a file explorer, click on Tools,
Folder Options, File Types. Go down to PDF files and
associate them with any PDF reader that you got on the
machine. If you indeed have Adobe PDF Reader 9
installed, -not the Adobe Flash reader-, then you should
be able to associate that with PDF files.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Hi Webby
About 5 years ago you had a joke about a
bridge to Hawaii. Can you dig it out and run it
again ?
Thanks
Archie B.
Sure, Archie, no problem. here it is:
A man was walking along the beach and found
a bottle. He looked around and didn't see
anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and
thanked the man for letting him out. The genie
said, "For your kindness I will grant you a wish,
but only one - none of that three wishes jazz,
OK?"
The man thought for a minute and said, "Well,
I have always wanted to go to Hawaii but have
never been able to because I'm afraid of flying,
and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So,
I wish for a road to be built from here to
Hawaii."
The genie was taken aback a bit, but after
some thought said, "No, I don't think I can do
that; think about the pilings needed to hold up
the highway and how deep they would have to
be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of
all the pavement and steel and concrete that
would be needed. I'm sorry, you will have to
choose another wish."
The man thought for a minute and then told the
genie, "There is one other thing that I have
always wanted. I would like to be able to
understand women. What makes them laugh
and cry, why do they get upset at us so easily,
what are their true desires and needs?
What do they mean when they say
'Oh, Nothing'.
Basically... what makes them tick?!?"
The genie stared at him and blinked a couple
times, then finally sayd: "So, on that silly bridge,
do you want two lanes or four?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cleaning Up Pet Hair
Summer is almost here and so is cat shedding time.
This is a tip to keep the animal hair cleaned up. Take
a piece of terry cloth (I use old towels cut up) wet a
good size piece, and wring it out. Wrap it around four
fingers and rub it in a circular motion. Lift up after about
four motions, and you will be amazed at the cat hair
you have picked up. Take the hair off the rag, and do
it again and again. This works on couches, cloth chair
seats, bedspreads, and in the car, anywhere!
By letageraldine from Tucson, AZ
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing
problems for a number of years. He got fitted
for a set of hearing aids that allowed him to
hear 100%.
He went back in a month to the doctor and the
doctor said, "your hearing is perfect. Your
family must be really pleased that you can
hear again."
To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't
told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to
the conversations. I've changed my will three
times already!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Granny was visiting town for the first time. She
checks in at the hotel, and the bellboy takes
her bags. She follows the boy, and as the door
closes, she looks around and shakes her fist
at him. "Young man, I may be old, and straight
from the hills, but that don't mean I'm stupid!
I paid good money, and this room won't do at
all! It's too small, and without a proper
window! Why there's not even a bed!"
The bellhop looks at her and says, "Ma'am,
this isn't your room, it's the elevator."
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Phonetic Alphabet: Alpha, Bravo,...
Monday, April 19, 2010, 06:51 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Monday, April 19, 2010
Sometimes when you cry,
no one sees the tears....
Sometimes when you are happy,
no one bothers to see the smile....
BUT FART ONCE
AND EVERYONE NOTICES!
--- Socratex
In Africa some of the native tribes have a
custom of beating the ground with clubs and
uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists
call this a form of primitive self-expression.....
In America we call it golf.
Five-year-old Becky answered the door when
the census taker came by. She told the
census taker that her daddy was a doctor and
wasn't home because he was performing
an appendectomy.
"My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big
word for such a little girl. Do you know
what it means?"
"Sure do! Fifteen-hundred bucks, and that
doesn't even include the anesthesiologist!"
Thanks to Janina for this great picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Andrew J. Garcia, 30 in San Ysidro, NM
Burning off residue on his bong led to arson charge
Las Cruces, NM (The Weekly Vice) - Andrew J. Garcia, a
30-year-old San Ysidro man, was jailed after he allegedly
used a bong to set his mobile home on fire.
According to Dona Ana County police, authorities were
contacted after an off-duty sheriff witnessed Garcia driving
away from his burning home.
A police chase through the community ensued, which the
officer abandoned for safety reasons. Garcia was apprehended
later at his residence.
Investigators say Garcia was cleaning his bong with alcohol
when he ignited the alcohol on purpose, setting fire to his
curtains and causing an estimated $20,000 damage. His wife
and children were not home at the time of the incident and
no injuries were reported.
Garcia admitted to authorities that he was suffering from a
drug addiction and he was distraught.
Garcia underwent a psychiatric evaluation at a local hospital
and was then booked into Dona Ana County Detention center
on charges of arson and fleeing a law-enforcement officer.
He is being held on $30,000 bond.
-------
Most likely the speedy escape was to bring his stash, worth
more than the old trailer, to a safe place.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Brenda
re: Voice alphabet
Dear Webby
When I have to spell my name on the phone I often grasp
for suitable words to clarify each letter. I am not quite as
bad as that Caseway joke you had a few years ago, please
bring it again! However, sometimes people make me feel like
I am just as bad at clarifying the letters in my long last name.
Isn't there a standard list of words for doing that?
Thanks
Brenda
Dear Brenda
Indeed there is: The International Morse Alphabet menonic.
This not the original code developed for Morse, but the German
Gerke version, which became the International Morse code
about 150 years ago. Certain vowels represent dots, others
represent dashes. That helped people memorize the morse code.
Even though the Morse Code has become obsolete, the Morse
Alphabet is still in popular use for clarifying the spelling in
voice communication.
I used to print it on the back of business cards. Here is the
picture for that. At 96 dots per inch it will be exactly the
size of a business card.
Business Card Size
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Here is the Caseway joke. You have to read it out loud.
"Information? I need the number for Caseway Transport."
"Would you spell that, please?"
"Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye.
S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why.
A as in are. Y as in you."
"Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Make a Fence Look Nice on Both Sides
When you put up a wooden fence, you usually nail the
pickets to one side, then the other side of the fence doesn't
look all that great. But if you keep alternating the pickets,
nailing the first to your neighbor's side and the next to your
side, you will end up with a fence that looks something like
basket weave and will look good on both sides.
By Amuck
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The patient was lying in bed, still groggy from
the effects of the recent operation. His doctor
came in, looking very glum.
"I can't be sure what's wrong with you," the
doctor said. "I think it's the drinking."
"No problem," the patient said patiently.
"I'm sure by tomorrow some doctor will sober
up. I'm still a bit tired from that operation
anyway."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of
a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the
table was a large pile of apples. The
nun had made a note,
"Take only one, God is watching,"
Moving through the line, to the other end of the
table, was a large pile of chocolate chip
cookies. One of the boys had written a note,
"Take all you want,
God is watching the apples."
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Unsolicited Windows updates
Sunday, April 18, 2010, 06:20 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Sunday, April 18, 2010
Men stumble over the truth from time to time,
but most pick themselves up and hurry off as if
nothing happened.
--- Winston Churchill
I have never let my schooling interfere with my
education.
--- Mark Twain
A sad-faced Todd walked into a flower shop
early one morning. The clerk was ready to take
his order for a funeral piece, based on the look
on Todd's face, but soon realized his
assumption was wrong as Todd asked for a
basket of flowers sent to his wife for their
anniversary.
"And what day will that be?" the clerk asked.
Glumly he replied, "Yesterday."
A little girl had just finished her first week of
school.
"I'm wasting my time," she said to her mother.
"I can't read, I can't write - and they won't let
me talk!"
Thanks to Janina for this great picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Glenn Watson, 58 of Bango, Maine
Falling pants lead to man's arrest on drug charges
BANGOR, Maine — A 58-year-old Hampden man who led police on
a car chase, then a brief foot chase Wednesday night is back
behind bars one week after completing a 15-month jail sentence
for cocaine trafficking.
The suspect’s attempted flight to freedom ended abruptly when
his pants fell down around his ankles, causing him to fall to the
ground, police said Thursday.
Glenn Watson, who was released from jail on April 7, became
the subject of a joint investigation by Bangor police and the Maine
Drug Enforcement Agency after city police received a tip Wednesday
evening that Watson was selling cocaine from a Bangor motel room.
City police officers assigned to MDEA were called in to co-ordinate.
MDEA agents put Watson’s motel room under surveillance and when
Watson left, agents asked Bangor police to stop the car.
According to a joint news release by Bangor police Sgt. Paul Edwards
and MDEA Division Commander Darrell Crandall, Bangor police
Officer Jamie Fanning was near Interstate 95 and Union Street when
she spotted Watson’s vehicle. Though she activated her blue
lights as the vehicle turned from Union Street onto Sixteenth Street,
Watson did not pull over.
Fanning reported that when she activated her police siren, Watson
continued on, running a red light, then speeding down Ohio Street
at speeds clocked at 55 to 60 mph. From Ohio Street, the pursuit
turned onto Boynton Street, then around the block back to Ohio Street,
where it continued through a red light at Hammond and Ohio,
according to Fanning. Watson then turned onto High Street, again
at speeds of 55 to 60 mph, police said.
The car chase ended when Watson failed to negotiate a sharp turn
on High Street and crashed his vehicle into a parked car, Fanning
wrote. No one was injured.
Watson then got out of his vehicle. According to Fanning, the
suspect appeared to be holding up his pants, which she said
appeared to be undone. Watson then took off, running toward
an apartment complex. Fanning and fellow Bangor police Officer
Michael Brennan chased Watson on foot down a set of stairs.
The chase ended when Watson’s pants “fell completely down
around his ankles, causing him to fall down the steps and onto
the ground,” the release said.
Police seized more than 2 ounces of cocaine — valued at
nearly $7,000 — from Watson, who has been charged with
aggravated trafficking in cocaine, driving to endanger,
eluding a police officer and three stop sign and red light v
iolations.
Watson, who has a lengthy criminal record in Maine going
back to 1988, remained at Penobscot County Jail on Thursday
night, unable to make bail set at $7,500 cash, according to a
jail official.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Cathy
re: Update hassles
Hi there I am Cathy fro Coquitlam and I am bothering you again.
Can you please tell me why I cannot vote for you? It seems I
have now got windows 8 and boy I cannot do anything like
I used to. Is there any way to get rid of this??
Sometimes at night the computer says updating -do not turn of
computer as it will go off by itself. Sorry to bother you but any
help you can give me would be appreciated.
Thank You Cathy
Dear Cathy
To stop getting backstabbed by unwanted updates,
go into the control panel, System, Automatic Updates,
and set that to
"Notify me, but don't automatically download or install them"
As for the browser, just upgrade to FireFox. Sooner or later
you will anyway, and be glad you did. Then you can vote again
and everything will work normally again.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write
a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he
asked.
"God tells me."
"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things
out?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Baking Soda for Coffee and Tea Cups
I keep a saucer with baking soda in it by my kitchen sink.
That way, when I have a cup which is stained, I can get
rid of those stains right away with no fuss or bother. I wet
my fingers, dip my fingers in the baking soda, and then rub
them on the inside of the cup where the stains are. In a flash
the stains are gone!
Source: I learned this habit from my mother and so I have
the added bonus of remembering her every time I use the
baking soda.
By Bellevillelady from Belleville, Ontario, Canada
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Hospitality is making your guests feel at home,
even if you wish they were.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
A preacher was winding up his temperance
sermon with great fervor, "If I had all the beer
in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the
river."
And the congregation cried, "Amen!"
"And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it
and throw it in the river."
And the congregation cried, "Amen!"
"And if I had all the whiskey and demon rum in
the world, I'd take it all and throw it in the river."
And the congregation cried, "Hallelujah!"
The preacher sat down.
The song leader stood up very tentatively and
announced, "For our closing song, let us sing
hymn #365, 'Shall we gather at the river."
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How to become VISTA administrator
Saturday, April 17, 2010, 08:31 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Saturday, April 17, 2010
The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross
and which to burn.
--- David Russell
People are like stained glass windows.
They sparkle and shine when the sun is out,
but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed
only if there is a light from within.
---Elizabeth Kubler Ross
As you journey through life take a minute every
now and then to give a thought for the other fellow.
He could be plotting something.
--- Hagar the Horrible
Busy is a state of mind and a matter of priorities.
--- DearWebby
The Nurse was taking Joe's blood pressure.
She caused him some concern by rechecking
it twice, then saying,
"Hmmmm. That's odd -- it's normal."
He replied that he had taken his high blood
pressure medicine less than an hour ago.
She said, "Thank goodness. I thought I was
losing it. Normally when I take the men's BP
readings they're always on the high side."
The showers in my daughter's dorm turned scalding hot
whenever a toilet was flushed. To warn others, residents would
yell out, "Flushing!" each time they flushed the toilets.
During one of my daughter's visits home, a friend stopped by to
chat for a while. I was explaining how my daughter was acting
more distant now that she was in college, and that she didn't tell
me all about her life the way she used to.
Suddenly we heard my daughter call out from the bathroom,
"Flushing!"
"Good grief," said my friend, "How much more do you want to
know?"
Thanks to Janina for this great picture:
Dear Webby,
You kindly share your wonderful flower and nature photos with us -
now it's MY turn to share a close-up of our cherry blossoms in full
bloom now, here in New Jersey.
Enjoy!
Janina
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Daniel Hammond, 21 in Sevenoaks, England
Serial hoaxer claimed he was raped by whale
A BRAZEN prankster claimed he was raped by a whale and gave
his name as Ben Dover during one of many hoax calls to the
emergency services.
Daniel Hammond made nuisance calls for eight months, telling
busy emergency operators he lived in Doctor Who's TARDIS.
On one occasion, he reported that his manhood fell off because
he smoked too much weed and was struggling to have sex.
Another time, the lanky 21-year-old impersonated Saddam Hussein
and claimed he hid a bomb on a train, a court in Sevenoaks,
England, was told.
Prosecutor James Nichols said Hammond enjoyed the thrill of
wasting the emergency services' time with his bizarre and
persistent tales. The court was told that Hammond was caught
when he called to report threats he claimed he was receiving,
and police recognised his mobile phone number.
When Hammond was finally arrested, he said he "couldn't remember"
all of the disturbing details of the calls but admitted the offenses.
Defence lawyer Laura Hollingham said her client's behaviour was a
result of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.
The court was also told that Hammond suffered from depression and
that his family was struggling to cope with his "many problems".
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: BETTY
re: VISTA administrator logon required
DOES THE 'HOW TO BECOME WINDOWS ADMIN. QUESTION ALSO
APPLY TO WINDOWS VISTA??
Dear Betty
I don't allow VISTA onto Webby computers, so I don't really know.
However, there is info about making yourself the Vista administrator
at this site:
http://snipurl.com/vistaadmin
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Overheard downtown:
"My wife and I have structured conversations:
firstly, she gives me her opinion,
then she gives me my opinion."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Coffee Filters for Small Servings of Food
A great use for coffee filters are single serving plates for
chips (or anything that is not moist or leaky) for kids.
This is especially handy in a group or class, and combines
easy clean-up with much less waste than a regular plastic
or paper plate.
By Mrs. Putty from Barrie, Ont.
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Have you ever worked in an office where someone insisted upon
listening to their voice mail using the speakerphone (at full
volume, naturally). It can really begin to bother you after a while.
I found a fairly easy fix for that, though. I ask a lady friend, whom
she has never heard, call her desk when she's not there, and
leave a message like
"Hi, this is Candy from 1-900-HOT-BABE. You haven't paid for
the 'toys' we sent you, you naughty girl! You wouldn't want me to
come over there and spank you, would you ?"
That is probably the last time you ever hear that particular
speakerphone.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Linda's son was in the process of being potty
trained. One summer day, he came in from
outside, all wet. Linda asked, "Did you have an
accident?".
Yes, he replied. Well, what did you do, water
the trees, the bushes,...?"
"Oh, no," he replied. "I went in the garage."
Shocked, Linda responded, "Well, you
shouldn't do that. It will start to stink, draw
flies; now I'll have to go out and hose down the
garage."
Her son replied cheerfully: " But Mom, it's OK,
I didn't go in our garage, I went in Jill's
garage!!"
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How to become Windows Administrator?
Friday, April 16, 2010, 09:32 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Friday, April 16, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds.
--- Malaclypse the Younger
You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing
the means he uses to frighten you.
--- Eric Hoffer
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask,
"Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me,
"This is going to take more than one night."
--- Charles M. Schulz, Charlie Brown in "Peanuts"
Dogs look up to us.
Cats look down on us.
Pigs treat us as equals.
--- Sir Winston Churchill
An old lady had always wanted to travel
abroad. Now that she was getting on in
years, she thought she would really like
to do so before she died.
But until now, she'd never even been out of
the country. So she began by going in
person to the Passport Office and asking
how long it would take to have one issued.
"You must take the loyalty oath first,"
responded the passport clerk.
"Raise your right hand, please."
The old gal raised her right hand.
"Do you swear to defend the Constitution of
the United States against all its enemies,
domestic or foreign?" was the first
question.
The little old lady's face paled and her
voice trembled as she asked in a small voice:
"Uhhh... all by myself? Well, I suppose
somebody is going to have to start doing that."
A couple drove several miles down a country
road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion
had led to an argument, and neither wanted to
concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs,
the wife sarcastically asked,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
Ice fishing on the Bow River
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to British supermarket giant Marks & Spencer
Marks & Spencer threatens granny for eating cookie
AN 86-year-old grandmother was threatened with being thrown
out of a British supermarket cafe after she started nibbling a
cookie she bought in the same store.
A female shop assistant told "humiliated" Thelma Williams that
she could be escorted out and fined for dunking her chocolate
chip cookie into a cup of tea at a branch of British supermarket
giant Marks & Spencer (M&S).
Williams bought a scone and cookie from the food section, and
then her daughter bought her a sandwich and a cup of tea in the cafe.
An assistant told her she could not eat it because of the consumer
tax difference between cafe and shop-bought food.
"The staff made me feel as though I was a common criminal -
yet I was just eating one of their biscuits," Ms Williams said.
"This woman over-reacted. All the customers were looking at me.
It was so embarrassing and very distressing."
"Our policy is that cafe customers must only consume items
bought in the cafe area." an M&S spokesman said.
----------
Britain and many other countries have a VAT (Value Added
Tax). In Britain it is 17.5%, or possibly higher by now. in Canada
it is called GST and is 5%.
Bulk food items are generally excempt, but individual servings
are taxed. If you buy ONE bun, you pay tax. If you buy a dozen,
they are tax free. That aplies at the point of buying.
After checking out of one section of the store, those cookies
were her property, as if she had baked them at home.
While restaurants generally object to you bringing your own
food, making a fuss about the tax difference on one cookie
is rather sleazy and definitely deserves a bonehead award.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Carol
re: Windows administrator logon required
Hi Webby,
Here I am again!!!!! I went to order underware from a store on line,
my McAfee would not let me see the pictures so I could decide which
style I wanted. When I went into the McAfee program to see if I could
"fix" the problem (BTW, I only get big red MCAFEE words where the
picture should be), I noticed that the parental control is on. We're retired,
have no grandchildren and do not want our computer restricted...
I really want to be able to see what I'm buying. When I tried to change
the parental control it told me I could not because I'm not logged on as
administrator. We do not use a password when we boot up the computer,
we just start it up and click "OK" when necessary. Is there anything I can
do to fix this problem of not seeing a bra that I want to purchase?
Thanks, Carol
Dear Carol
To see how to log on as administrator, go to
http://snipurl.com/log-on-as-admin
The info you need is at the bottom of that page.
It's actually quite easy, when you know the trick.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
When Jerry's daughter, Dani, was about 5
years old, she was thoroughly impressing her
grandparents with her knowledge of insects
while they were out for a walk. She readily
identified ants, grasshoppers, crickets,
ladybugs and such.
When they happened upon a small beetle she
did not immediately recognize, she looked at it
thoughtfully, raised her foot and stomped it into
oblivion on the sidewalk.
'That one', she said, 'is a Squashed Bug.'
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Crab Apples for Pest Repellent
There are no chemicals involved so I guess it's a green tip.
If you have a problem with roaches, ants, mice, or other
pests inside the house, gather some crab apples and place
them around your basement, crawl space, and foundation
of your house. My in-laws have done this for years and
haven't seeneven a trace of a pest or rodent.
By Tammy from Cookeville, TN
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A couple just started their Lamaze class and
they were given an activity requiring the
husband to wear a bag of sand - to give him
an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The
husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This
doesn't feel so bad."
The instructor then dropped a pen and asked
the husband to pick it up.
"You want me to pick up the pen as if I were
pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the
husband asked.
"Exactly," replied the instructor.
To the delight of the other husbands, he turned
to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen
for me."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
A customer in a bakery was observed carefully
examining all the rich-looking pastries
displayed on trays in the glass cases.
When a clerk approached him and asked,
"What would you like?"
he answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered,
cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut
and that cheese Danish."
Then with a sigh he added,
"But I'll take an oat-bran muffin."
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Windows update reboot trashing my desktop
Thursday, April 15, 2010, 09:55 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Thursday, April 15, 2010
Forgive your enemies,
but never forget their names.
---John F. Kennedy
Professor's Definitions Of A Kiss
Professors of different subjects define the same
word in different ways:
Prof. of Computer Science:
A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.
Prof. of Algebra:
A kiss is two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry:
A kiss is the shortest distance between two
straight lines.
Prof. of Physics:
A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the
expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry:
A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between
two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology:
A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary
bacteria.
Prof. of Physiology:
A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris
muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry:
A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Accountancy:
A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when
returned.
Prof. of Economics:
A kiss is that thing for which the demand is
higher than the supply.
Prof. of Statistics:
A kiss is an event whose probability depends on
the vital statistics of 39-24-36.
Prof. of Philosophy:
A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy
for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of English:
A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction;
it is more common than proper; it is spoken in
the plural and it is applicable to all.
Prof. of Engineering:
Huh, What? I'm not familiar with that term.
Linda was with her mother while her older sister was being
examined by a dentist. Linda kept herself busy playing with
toys in the waiting room until she noticed that her mom was
resting, her eyes closed.
With about six other patients waiting, Linda marched up to
her mother, looked her straight in the face and shook her
shoulder.
"Mommy," she yelled, "wake up! This is not church!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Julie Root, 27, of East Hampton, CT
2 and 3 year olds in diapers away from home, mom arrested
An East Hampton, Connecticut, woman is facing several charges
after her 2- and 3-year-old sons were playing in the woods for
hours wearing nothing but diapers on Friday morning, police said.
Julie Root, 27, was arrested shortly after coming home from work.
A neighbor called East Hampton police when she had heard the
children playing alone by the road in the rain for at least an hour.
When two officers arrived, they found the two small boys walking
in the woods on the south side of Flatbrook Road near a stream.
The boys were wearing no clothing other than their diapers and
they were freezing cold, police said.
An ambulance was called and the boys were taken to Marlborough
Clinic for a medical evaluation.
While all of this was taking place, Root walked up to the scene
and said she had returned from working third shift at 7:30 a.m.
and had possibly dozed off, allowing the boys to slip out of the
house.
Root, who is wearing the t-shirt that reads “I Love Weed” in her
mug shot, was heavily under the influence of prescription pain
medication, police said.
The allegedly bad mother said that the boys’ father, Scott Root,
was also home but he had been sleeping during the incident.
The boys were released to the custody of their father after leaving
Marlborough Clinic with no significant medical findings or injuries,
police said.
Julie Root was released from custody on a $10,000 non-surety
bond and is scheduled to appear at Middlesex Superior Court in
Middletown, CT., on April 20. She is charged with two counts of
risk of injury to a minor and two counts of reckless endangerment.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Julie
re: Desktop trashed by Windos update
Dear Webby
Is there a way to stop Windows update from trashing and
reorganizing my desktop? Or at least to restore it?
I get so frustrated I could kill, when the required restart
after an update messes everything up. When I reboot
normally once a month, everything stays in place, so
why does an update restart screw everything up?
Sorry, didn't mean to yell and while at you, but you are
the only one I know who actually listens.
Julie
Dear Julie
I know how you feel!
You are definitely not the only one who is severely annoyed
by that problem.
Go to my Tool Box at http://webby.com/tools and download
Save My Desktop
Hit that and save your desktop after each time you add or move
icons, or at least before doing a Windows update.
When the dektop gets trashed, you can hit that icon, after you
find where Windows shuffled it to, and hit it, but select RESTORE
instead of SAVE.
Another trick that seems to help is to shut all programs down
before doing the silly update mandated restart.
The problem seems to be with interrupted shutdowns. If the
shutdown is stopped because of an unsaved file, then that
virtually guarantees that your desktop gets trashed.
Instead of saving a snapshot to disk, as if you had told it to
hibernate, Windows just loses it's marbles.
Best of course is to do both. Save the desktop
AND shut down every program before letting Windows do that
nuisance reboot.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs
out at Tim Alley's Grocery Store. The owner Tim
doesn't know what Junior's problem is, but the
boys like to tease him. They say he is two
bricks shy of a load, or two pickles shy of a
barrel. To prove it, sometimes they offer Junior
his choice between a nickel and a dime.
He always takes the nickel, they say, because
it's bigger.
One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, Tim got
him off to one side and said, "Junior, those boys
are making fun of you. They think you don't
know the dime is worth more than the nickel.
Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger,
or what?"
Junior replied, "Nah, if I took the dime,
they'd quit giving me nickles!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Tracking Credit Card Rewards
Make sure to check your monthly statements to see if you can
redeem any of your reward points. Many credit cards accumulate
reward points based on the amount you spend. Eventually those
reward points expire, so use them before you lose them. You
can earn everything from gift cards to cash!
By Lewis from Port Orchard, WA
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Two elderly women were out driving in a large
car-both could barely see over the dashboard.
As they were cruising along they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red but they
just went on through. The woman in the
passenger seat thought to herself "I must be
losing it, I could have sworn we just went
through a red light."
After a few more minutes they came to another
intersection and the light was red again and again
they went right though.
This time the woman in the passenger seat was
almost sure that the light had been red but was
really concerned that she was losing it. She
was getting nervous and decided to pay very
close attention to the road and the next
intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light
was definitely red and they went right through.
So she turned to the other woman and said,
"Mildred! Did you know we just ran through
three red lights in a row! You could have killed
us!"
Mildred turned to her and said
"Oh, am I driving?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
And here is a real groaner of a pun:
Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with
stealing several paintings from the Louvre.
However, after planning the crime, getting in and
out past security, he was captured only 2
blocks away when his Ford Econoline ran out
of gas. When asked how he could mastermind
such a daring and otherwise brilliant crime and
then make such an obvious error...
... He replied:
"I 'ad no Monet to buy Degas to make de Van
Gogh."...
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Computer video to old style TV
Wednesday, April 14, 2010, 06:52 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Wednesday, April 14, 2010
A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty,
and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
--- Robert Benchley
People will buy anything that is one to a customer.
--- Sinclair Lewis
Thanks tp Roland for this story:
Being the office supervisor, I had to have a word with a new
employee who never arrived at work on time. I explained that
her tardiness was unacceptable and that other employees had
noticed that she was walking in late every day.
After listening to my complaints, she agreed that this was a
problem and even offered a solution. "Is there another door
I could use?"
The happy couple were being interviewed on
their Golden Wedding Anniversary. The
society reporter asked, "In all that time, did
you ever consider a divorce?"
"Oh, no, not divorce, we're too old fashioned
for that," the husband replied.
"Murder quite frequently," the wife offered
"but never divorce."
Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Michael Mowry, 33, and Jethra Guzman, 32.
Monitoring bracelets aid Berwick police in identifying two burglars
BERWICK, Maine — Electronic monitoring bracelets helped police identify
two people responsible for four residential burglaries in January.
Arrests warrants have been drafted for the two suspects, but
they have yet to be arrested because they are in custody in
New Hampshire for unrelated crimes.
The burglaries happened in mid-January on Cemetery Road,
Pine Hill Road, Little River Road and Blackberry Road. Cash,
jewelry and electronics were all stolen from the homes.
Capt. Jerry Locke said the big break in the case came at the
last burglary on Jan. 31, at the Blackberry Road residence.
A witness took down the plate number of the vehicle the two
suspects were in and police in Somersworth were able to
stop them.
Police identified the pair as Michael Mowry, 33, last known
address of 1 Thomas St., Rochester and Jethra Guzman, 32,
last know address of 5 Woodside Commons Park, Somersworth.
Upon further investigation, police learned that both suspects
were on electronic monitoring because of pending drug-related
cases out of New Hampshire.
Locke said police were able to look at the records of the
monitoring devices and track the two to the other burglary
locations on the days they occurred.
Mowry is currently incarcerated in the New Hampshire
State Prison in Concord for his drug-related charges,
while Guzman is being held at the Strafford County jail.
Both will be facing burglary charges when police get a chance
to arrest them. Burglary is a Class B crime punishable by up
to 10 years in prison.
Locke said the pair may also be involved in other burglaries
in the area as well, but noted those burglaries are still under
investigation.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Fast Eddie
re: Use an old TV as a monitor
Hey Mr Webby;
Got a question for you!
I want to watch a video from my PC to my TV.
Now is it better to to get another video card to watch TV
or get a "VGA Splitter?"
And the cords? What will I need?
I have thee old TV, in which does not have the updated hook
ups. Though I have a DVD Player that may have what I need to
get connected.
Thanks & have a great day/week.
Eddie
Dear Eddie
You would need a video card that has TV output and the same
kinds of sockets in the back as you got on a VCR. Then you
plug the TV into those sockets instead of the VCR.
Keep in mind that the video on an old TV is VERY crappy
compared to even a very old computer monitor.
You can get perfectly good 20" 1600 x 1200 monitors for as
little as $115 at
http://www.nextag.com/1600x1200-monitor/products-html
I doubt that you can get a video card with VCR output for that price.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?
Outlaws are wanted.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Carry Insulated Shopping Bag in Your Car
Frugal and Green! Purchase one of those heavy duty insulated
shopping bags and keep it in your car for when you're grocery
shopping, especially here in the South, and in the summer.
You will be surprised at how beneficial it will be and how
often you'll be glad you have it handy. They are very
inexpensive, fold flat, take up little storage space in your
car when not in use and open to a generous size bag.
I bought mine at Sam's Club, but they are available
elsewhere.
By Sandy from Elon, NC
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Nancy, a city girl, married a farmer. One
morning, before the farmer went out to the field,
he said, "Honey, today the artificial
insemination man is coming over to impregnate
one of the cows. I put a nail in a two-by-four
over the stall. Please show him which one it it is."
When he arrived, Nancy led him down the row
of stalls until she saw the nail.
She pointed to the stall and he asked her,
"Are you sure?"
"It's the one with the nail," said Nancy.
"What's the nail for?" asked the man.
"I guess it's to hang your pants on," replied Nancy.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
What's the definition of an optimist?
An liberal arts major with a pager.
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Getting and turning on ActiveX
Tuesday, April 13, 2010, 08:12 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Tuesday, April 13, 2010
The most erroneous stories are those we think we know best -
and therefore never scrutinize or question.
--- Stephen Jay Gould
Karaoke bars combine two of the nation's greatest evils:
people who shouldn't drink with people who
shouldn't sing."
--- Tom Dreesen
A husband, proving to his wife that women
talk more than men, showed her a study
which indicated that men use, on the
average, only 15,000 words a day, whereas
women use 30,000 words a day.
She thought about this for a while and then
told her husband that women use twice as
many words as men because they have to
repeat or explain everything they say.
He replied, "What do you mean?"
A young minister sitting down to dinner was
about to say Grace when he opened the
casserole dish that his thrifty bride had
prepared from all of the refrigerator leftovers.
"I don't know," he said dubiously, "but it
seems to me that I've blessed all this stuff
already."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Ronald Washington, 33, of Uniontown, Pennsylvania
PA. dad jailed for pot in son's Elmo backpack
- The Associated Press
UNIONTOWN, PA. — A western Pennsylvania father has been jailed
after police say he went to his son's elementary school to
retrieve nearly four ounces of marijuana from the boy's
Elmo backpack.
State police say 33-year-old Ronald Washington, of Uniontown,
called Menallen Elementary School to ask if his son had arrived
for kindergarten Thursday morning. Police say Washington told
school officials he needed to get something from the Sesame
Street-themed backpack, prompting school officials to search it.
School officials called police when they found the pot, and troopers
were waiting to arrest Washington when he arrived shortly before
9 a.m.
Washington was jailed when he was unable to post $100,000 bond.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Shirley
re: Turn on Active X
Dear Webby,
You have helped me in the past and have really appreciated all your help.
Where do I find ActiveX on a windows XP? Can't seem to find it anywhere.
Keep up the news letter and you make my day. Love your computer tips which is what I check first.
Thank you
Shirley
Dear Shirley
Active X is included with the regular Windows updates and patches.
You just have to enable it.
In Internet Explorer
Tools > Internet Options > Security > Custom Level
Now scroll down and check the boxes that say Javascript
and Active X.
Or use FireFox. It doesn't need the ActiveX training wheels
to work.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Dog looks at human and thinks:
"My hero, my friend, my buddy."
Cat looks at human and thinks:
"My can-opener."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Plastic Boxes as Litter Boxes
Way too long for here. Read it at
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A rather awkward freshman finally got up the
nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the
homecoming. She gave him the once-over and
said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child."
"Please forgive me," responded the
underclassman. "I didn't realize you were
pregnant."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Having been married ten years and still living
in an apartment, the wife would often complain
about anything, as she was tired of saving
every penny to buy a "dream home".
Trying to placate her, the husband found a
new apartment, within their budget. However,
after the first week, she began complaining
again.
"Johnatahan," she said, "I don't like this place
at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom.
The neighbors can see me every time I take a
bath."
"Don't worry." replied her husband.
"If the neighbors do see you, they'll buy curtains."
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Monday, April 12, 2010, 08:10 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Monday, April 12, 2010
Maturity is only a short break in adolescence.
--- Jules Feiffer
The average person thinks he isn't.
--- Father Larry Lorenzoni
When you're through changing,
you're through.
--- Bruce Barton
I don't think I'll ever have a mother's intuition.
A friend left me alone in a restaurant with
her 16-month-old kid.
I asked, "What do I do if he cries?"
She said, "Give him some vegetables."
It turns out that jalapenos are not his
favorite vegetable
and I will not be asked to babysit again.
There are three ways to get something
done: Do it yourself,
hire someone to do it,
or forbid your children to do it.
Thank to dad for these pictures:
Same picture large
Same picture large
He bought one small leaf about a dozen years ago,
now he has to trim it and give leaves to visitors, AND use a
steel pipe and a hoop to keep it from spreading and turning
into a fence.
Each blossom lasts just one day. On the second picture you
also see yesterday's blossom, and the start of the next leaf.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Michael Kelly, 31 of Salisbury, NC, and his mother
Bad April Fools Joke
Salisbury, NC (The Weekly Vice) Michael Kelly, a 31-year-old
Salisbury man, was arrested April 1st for speeding when an
April Fools joke went horribly wrong.
According to Rowan County deputies, Kelly was first noticed
when he ran a red light. Deputy Williams began to follow Kelly
but Kelly just went faster.
Deputy Williams tried to stop Kelly but when the pursuit reached
speeds up to 120mph, the deputy called for assistance. After a
brief chase, Kelly slowed down and Deputy Williams was able to
take him in to custody.
According to officers, Kelly's reason for the high-speed
chase was because his mother had called from a nearby city to
inform him that his 9-year-old son was missing and she was frantic
and yelling.
During processing, Deputy Williams answered Kelly's cell phone
and asked Kelly's mother if the boy had been located. It was at
this point that Williams and Kelly learned that it was all a joke.
Kelly was booked in the Rowan County Detention Center on charges
of felony speeding to elude arrest, driving with a suspended license
and failure to stop at a red light.
Michael Kelly, 31 of Salisbury, NC
It is not known at this time if the "prank" was arranged after the
chase startd or before. Running red lights on a suspended license
and doing 120 in town sure did not get him any closer to his far
away son.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Donna
Re: uTube problem
Dear Webby,
My husband recently got a new computer with Windows XP, but
when he gets an email with a link to a You Tube video, he cannot
open it. Is there something that should be installed in order for him
to open these?
As usual...thanks so much...
Donna
Dear Donna
Without knowing whatever error message he gets, I don't want
to put my foot into my mouth too far.
He needs the current version of Adobe Flash Player,
and he needs Javascript enabled in hs browser.
If he uses IE instead of FireFox, he also needs Active-X,
and possibly even Active-X for Adobe.
There is good info at http://kb2.adobe.com/cps/191/tn_19166.html
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Picture this: A Santa Clara County
Department of Correction bus is heading for
Civic Center after transporting inmates to
Elmwood Correctional Facility.
All of a sudden, the driver notices he's being
followed. Odd, he thinks. It's even more odd
when he drives the bus down the intake
ramp into the main jail and two vehicles
-- a pickup truck and a minivan --
continue to follow right behind.
The gates slam shut, officers question the occupants
of the two vehicles and the reason for the
follow-the-leader routine finally becomes
clear. There's been a bit of drinking going
on, and the guys think the bus is a
greyhound and figure it will lead them to its
depot and the restrooms they so
desperately need.
They get a rest, all right.
The pickup driver is arrested for drunken
driving. The minivan driver is cited for driving
with a suspended license. Their vehicles are
impounded.
Correction officers are bemused.
"We at DOC have heard of voluntary surrender, but this
is ridiculous,'' says department spokesman Mark Cursi.
"We're now wondering if folks can take the
next step: self-booking.''
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Looking At Everyday Household Energy Usage
Way too long for here. Read it at
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
In the middle of World War II, a draftee goes
in for his physical wearing a truss, and with a
little convincing acting, gets his papers
marked M.E. for Medically Exempt.
Not long after, a friend gets his orders to
report for a physical, and he borrows the
other fellow's truss. At the end of the
examination, the doctor stamped M.E. on his
papers.
"Does that mean I'm medically exempt?" he
asked.
"No," the examining doctor says. "M.E.
stands for Middle East. Anyone who can
wear a truss upside-down can certainly
ride a camel."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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Little Jimmy was laying about on a hillock in
the middle of a meadow on a warm spring
day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he
pondered their shape.
Soon, he began to think about God. "God?
Are you really there?" Jimmy said out loud.
To his astonishment a voice came from the
clouds. "Yes, Jimmy? What can I do for
you?"
Seizing the opportunity, Jimmy asked, "God?
What is a million years like to you?"
Knowing that Jimmy could not understand
the concept of infinity, God responded in a
manner to which Jimmy could relate,
"A million years to me, Jimmy, is like a
minute."
"Oh," said Jimmy. "Well, then, what's a
million dollars like to you?"
"A million dollars to me, Jimmy, is like a
penny."
"Wow!" remarked Jimmy, getting an idea.
"You're so generous...can I have one of your
pennies?"
God replied, "Sure thing, Jimmy! Just a minute."
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Currently best map and route planning site
Sunday, April 11, 2010, 09:17 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Sunday, April 11, 2010
Do not condemn the judgement of another
because it differs from your own.
You may both be wrong.
--- Dandemis
As Morris and his wife Sherry were planning a
vacation. They ended up in an argument, "It's
'Hawaii', I'm telling you!" Sherry said.
"I never KNEW someone so stubborn!
'Havaii' is how it's pronounced!" he replied.
And so it went all the way to the vacation...
As they got off the airplane, they passed a
man. Morris abruptly stopped his wife and
turned to the man to ask, "Now that we're on
the island, you can settle an argument
between my wife and me. Is this 'Hawaii' or
'Havaii?'"
"This is Havaii," the man replied.
"Ha!" the husband gloated to his wife. "See,
didn't I tell you never to argue with me?"
As they began to walk away, Morris turned
back and gave the man a hearty "Thank you!"
"You're Ferry Velcome!" the Hawaiian called
back.
After much urging by his wife, Uncle Joe
applied for work on a farm. The foreman
decided to give him a try and told him to
milk a cow, equipping him with a stool and a
bucket.
An hour later Uncle Joe returned dirty and
sweaty, the bucket in one hand and the
broken stool in the other.
"Extracting the milk was easy," he explained.
"The worst part was getting the cow to sit on
the stool!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to John Marika, 25, in Port Richey, Florida
Mugger on bicycle has no chance against scooter
From 10Connects, Tampa, Florida
Port Richey, Florida - Sometimes news happens when you're out
covering other news. And that's just what happened Friday.
We were out at Wal-Mart Friday doing a interview with Charles
Salvatore, who will ride his motorized scooter from Zephyrhills to
Alaska to raise awareness of liver diseases for the American
Liver Foundation.
While we were interviewing Salvatore, a man on a bicycle grabbed
a money container from Salvatore's 10-year-old nephew who was
helping the family with the fundraiser. The suspect took off from the
Wal-Mart and bystanders and family gave chase.
So did Charles on his 50cc scooter.
They caught up with the suspect, and Salvatore, who looks like
he is a head taller and 150 pounds heavier than the mugger,
tackled him and held him until police arrived.
The suspect was arrested and will most likely be charged with
strong armed robbery.
As the officer was putting the suspect into the cruiser he
apologized to Charles, and cursed at our cameraman.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: MaryLee
Re: Is Google Earth Pro worth it?
Dear Webby,
I used to plan trips by using Google Earth, but found
out the hard way, that they dumbed it down, possibly
for all the silly nitwits who got conned into wide screen
monitors. And you can't use multiple points any more,
and can't import lists of way points any more either,
unless you buy Google Earth Pro.
I searched all over, but have not found any positive
comments about Google Earth Pro.
I know you do detail planning for your trips. What do you
use for that?
MaryLee
Dear MaryLee
Yes, Google did indeed "dumb down" Google Earth, to the point
where it is a rather useless kid's toy.
The $400 Google Earth Pro is the same, except they allow
you multiple way points and let you import them from a
spreadsheet, just like the old, GOOD, version let you do for
a small annual fee. I certainly won't pay $400 just for that.
And I too have not found a single positive mention of it.
Google Maps hasn't been dumbed down quite that much,
probably just enough, so that Vista and W7 won't crash on
it. It works OK for spot checking, but is no longer good
enough for extensive route planning.
Nowadays I use MapQuest. It has not been dumbed down
for the new versions of Windows. Actually, they added some
small improvements. They still use the big, fat, mushy lines
for the route, but other than that, Mapquest is quite good.
Booking hotels right from Mapquest is a breeze, even looking
for restaurants or sights.
There is plenty of room for improvements, but right now
Mapquest beats Google by a good margin.
Then there is Microsoft's Bing.com/maps.
It has better graphics, and a nice thin and sharp route line.
However, when you zoom in, it tends to lose the route line,
or sometimes the point flag wanders off a few miles.
That "feature" takes some getting used to!
And you can't pop up hotels, restaurants, etc. And it still
needs customization options, like road name font sizes,
the ability to toggle the route line layer below road names,
or auto-center and zoom on double-click, and actually quite
a long wish list.
Yet.
It definitely is a work in progress, but looks promising.
If they keep at it, in a year or two they will beat both
Google and Mapquest. I will keep an eye on it,
and check their progress.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
At Sunday school, the teacher asked Johnny,
"Johnny, could you tell me what are we
supposed to do to deserve the salvation?"
"Yeah, of course" Little Johnny replied.
"We're supposed to do a whole bunch of sinning first,
so that we got something to be forgiven for!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Flower Pot Air Fresheners
Make some cute, all-natural flower pot air fresheners! You will need:
Supplies:
* small terra cotta flower pots (about 4 inch height)
* lacy fabric or cheesecloth cut into 8 inch circles
* 30 inches of ribbon
* baking soda
* essential oils
Instructions:
First, stop any holes in the bottom of the pots with tape. Fill them with
baking soda and mix in about 10 drops or so of your favorite
essential oil. Place the circle of fabric over the pot and secure
by tying the ribbon around the rim with a bow.
To freshen just stir in a few more drops of oil, and change the
baking soda every few months. I love these little pots, they
leave a nice, subtle scent without chemicals or synthetic
perfumes.
They're lovely in smaller rooms like the kitchen or bathroom,
and inexpensive to make. I even used some old lace curtains
for the fabric. The only trick is to place them where kids, pets
(or you!) won't knock them over too easily.
By Tapestry Lady from England
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The teacher said, "Now class, we know their
are 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in
an hour, 24 hours in a day, and 365
days in a year, so who can tell me how
many seconds there are in a year?"
All the kids looked baffled by the question
except Rufus, who raised his hand and
waved it excitedly.
"Yes, Rufus, how many seconds are there
in a year?" the teacher asked.
Replied Rufus, "Twelve, m'am. January
second, February second,
March second..."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Linda had gotten a new job as a reporter at
her local newspaper and she was brought
in to meet the crusty old editor on her first
day on the job.
"Names, names," the old editor insisted to
the new reporter. "No story is complete
without the names of everyone involved."
Linda assured him she would make him
proud of her reporting abilities, and her first
assignment was to write an article on a
local disaster. She came back a few hours
later and filed this report:
Three farms in our area were affected by
severe lightning storms that struck
Thursday night. Mr. and Mrs. Horace
Greene reported a fire in their barn. Michael
Arlington said several trees were knocked
down by the violence of the storm. And
Fred Morse reported that three of his cows
were struck by lightning. Their names were
Bessie, Elsie and Bertha.
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Printer prints purplish-pink
Saturday, April 10, 2010, 06:46 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
It's Saturday, April 10, 2010
Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain.
--- Friedrich von Schiller
Only the shallow know themselves.
--- Oscar Wilde
Correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't the fine line
between sanity and madness gotten finer?
--- George Price
Morris bought his wife a beautiful diamond
ring for her birthday..
A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted
one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles."
"She did," he replied. "But where was I
gonna find a fake Jeep?"
came home from school and told dad:
"Hey, Dad, I lerned that we decended from apes! Neat, huh ?"
That didn't go over well at all, so
was told in no uncertaint terms:
"YOU might have apes for ancestors,
but I sure don't!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Stanislaw Muchy, 39, in Warsaw, Poland
Burglary by mail
Police in Poland have arrested a man for a series of raids
in which he allegedly climbed into large parcels and posted
himself to businesses.
Stanislaw Muchy, 39, would then apparently climb out at night
after staff had clocked off and burgle the premises, reports Metro.
He made his getaway by sealing both himself and his loot into
another box addressed to his Warsaw home, say police.
His scheme came to an end after he fell out with an accomplice,
whose job was to deliver him to courier firms, who contacted police.
After being tipped off, police said:
"We arranged a special delivery of our own, right to the jail."
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Carol
Re: Printer prints purplish-pink
Dear Webby,
I was happy to read about the ink cartridge question.
My printer has individual ink cartridges, and all cartridges are
almost full....however all of a sudden I get little color when
printing except this purplish-pink. When I print a document
it's fine in black ink. Can you give me any clues?
I've gone to start and went through the cleaning of the
printer menu.
Thanks. Carol
Dear Carol
That sounds like your color cartridges are drying up.
Look at them carefully and find the air breather hole, and
cover that with a bit of duck tape. Then lay the cartridge
into a dish with warm water for half an hour.
After that, dry it off, peel the tape, and use it to print in
THAT color right away.
Just make a painting that has half the page in that color.
USUALLY, that clears up that problem.
If it doesn't, get remanufactured cartridges from
Atlantic Inkjet .com.
Those will be refillable and you can get a refill kit from them.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is
the opposite of progress?
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Calculate the Best Prices at Supermarkets
Today's tip is way too long for here. You can read it at
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Sammy has stolen the rabbi's gold watch.
He didn't feel too good about it, so he
decided, after a sleepless night, to go
to the rabbi.
'Rabbi, I stole a gold watch.'
'But Sammy! That's forbidden! You should
return it immediately!'
'What shall I do?'
'Give it back to the owner.'
'Do you want it?'
'No, I said return it to its owner.'
'But he doesn't want it.'
'In that case, you can keep it.'
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon
was asked by the doctor,
"Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"
"My father said it'd be a good idea, sir."
"Oh? And what does your father do?"
"He's in the Army, sir."
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Friday, April 9, 2010, 06:32 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
It's Friday, April 9, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
--- Dave Barry
And other skiers too!
Linda invited some people to dinner. At the
table, she turned to her six- year-old daughter
and said,"Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I don't know what to say," she replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," her
mother told her.
The daughter bowed her head and said:
"Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these
ungrateful nuts to dinner?"
Most women have these two complaints:
nothing to wear and not enough closet space!
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to William Ferris, 27, Cincinnati, Ohio
Reported himself for paying a hooker
William Ferris, an Ohio man yesterday paid a prostitute $50
with the understanding that he would receive a full menu of
sexual services in the bathroom of a White Castle in Cincinnati.
However, when the hooker only performed oral sex on him,
Ferris--who was also expecting vaginal sex--contacted police
to report that he had just been robbed. When Hamilton County
Sheriff's Office deputies responded to Ferris's 911 call, his
"story began to fall apart," according to an arrest report.
Ferris admitted that he was not, in fact, robbed by his
unidentified paid date. In an interview, a frustrated Ferris
told TSG that he expected "all of it for $50," but just got
"kissing and sucking" during the 20-minute bathroom
encounter. He added that the hooker picked the White Castle
for their assignation since its bathroom locked
(and not because of the eatery's tasty belly bombers).
The unemployed Ferris, charged with solicitation and making
a false police report, was scheduled to be arraigned today on
the misdemeanor counts. He also will be charged with
trespassing if he returns to the White Castle on Harrison Avenue.
Just as dumb, but not as cute as yesterday's Bonehead.
From Kathy
I agree with you about the morons. I use your Squirrel e cards
all the time. My friends love it.
Have a great rest of the week. Thank you for all your great information.
I have learned a lot.
Kathy
Dear Kathy
I don't want to take the credit for that site.
It is owned and designed and maintained by a lady named
Barbara Kee
We just supply the basic templates and the UNIX engine
under the hood, that ensures that
1) nobody can attach anything malicious to the cards,
and
2) delivers them to the recipient address.
and
3) tells the sender about the pick-up event.
You can open a postcard page or site too, if you have a
dozen or more pictures. We even supply the templates to get
started. You can of course edit them any way you want, but
you get a head-start and don't have to figure things out the
hard way.
The FREE BASIC version is free. It is kept very basic, so
that you can quickly and easily see how things flow, without
getting overwhelmed by a Million options.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Carolyn
Re: Printer ink
Dear Webby,
my printer has been a good one through the years (HP)
but the cartridges for it are expensive. How do you feel about
refilling the ink cartridges? Will it mess up my printer?
My cartridges are over $40 each.
Thanks, Webby
and thanks for your
great website!
Carolyn
Dear Carolyn
We have refilled our ink cartridges with ink from Atlantic Inkjet
for probably 10 or more years. Never a problem with the ink.
HPs usually fail in the electronics. They are not meant to last
forever, ya know.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
This is next joke is not a new and current
news event, but a story I reprint almost every
year:
An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar
guns, drove through a school zone within the
legal speed limit when the flash of a camera
went off, taking a picture of his license plate.
The officer, thinking the radar was in error,
drove by again; even more slowly. Another
flash. He did it again for a third time, at an
even slower speed. Same result.
"This guy must have messed up the settings
way too much," the off-duty officer thought.
A few weeks later, when he received the
violations in the mail, he discovered three
traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat
belt!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Save Seeds from Store Bought Tomatoes
I bought a tomato at the store and squeezed the seeds onto
a paper towel. After they dried, I cut the paper around the
seed and planted them in good potting soil. Keep damp and
you will have tomato plants in about a week. I tried planting
seeds immediately after squeezing the tomato and they did
not grow, so you must dry the seeds.
By Dajavooi from Independence, MO
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Two assassins are hired to kill a dictator in
South America. They follow his every move
for months, and find out that every day at
noon he goes outside and does his
stretching exercises.
So the assassins set up shop right across the street,
get all of their sights set, load the guns, and have
everything ready to go.
Noon comes, no dictator......
10 minutes longer........no dictator.
One assassin turns to the other
and says, "Gee, I hope nothing
happened to him."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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Linda and Marion were comparing notes on
the difficulties of running a small business.
"I started a new practice last year,"
Linda said. "I insist that each of my
employees take at least a week off every
three months."
"Why in the world would you do that?"
Marion asked.
"It's the best way I know of to learn which
ones I can do without," Linda said.
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Thursday, April 8, 2010, 07:35 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Thursday, April 8, 2010
Architecture is the art of how to waste space.
--- Philip Johnson
A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper
cannot be understood.
--- Mark Ardis
"When you exit this vehicle, please lower
your head and watch your step.
If you fail to do so, please lower your voice
and watch your language. Thank you."
While meeting with a client he wished to
impress, a big executive flipped on his
intercom and barked to his secretary,
"Miss Jones, get my broker on the line."
"Yes sir," came back a loud voice,
"stock or pawn or marriage?"
Thanks to Angie for this picture:
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Tasha Lee Cantrell, 19, of Fort Walton Beach, Florida
Underage drinking in cop carTasha Lee Cantrell. The
19-year-old Floridian was riding in a car early Monday morning
when the vehicle's driver was pulled over and arrested for DUI.
As a tow truck arrived to remove her friend's car, a stranded
Cantrell asked Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office Deputy
Mitchell Landis for a ride home to her Fort Walton Beach
residence.
Landis agreed, but only after checking Cantrell's purse for any
contraband, according to an offense report. While chauffeuring
Cantrell, Landis heard the teenager "open a can of some sort"
in the back of the cruiser. The can had not been in her purse,
or it would have been confiscated during the purse check.
"As I looked at my in car video I observed Cantrell drinking
out of an unknown can." Landis stopped his car and, upon
further investigation, determined that Cantrell had popped
open a can of Steel Reserve, a malt liquor known for its high
alcohol content.
"When I opened the rear passenger door I observed Cantrell
attempting to hide the can between her legs. I retrieved this can
and noticed it was Steel Reserve Beer," reported Landis, who
immediately arrested Cantrell for underage drinking. Instead of
being shuttled to her doorstep, Cantrell, pictured in the below mug
shot, was rerouted to the sheriff's office, where she was booked
on the misdemeanor charge.
Tasha Lee Cantrell, 19, of Fort Walton Beach, Florida
Glamor shot courtesy of the sheriff's office.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Elen
Re: Fake virus alert
I have been advised from two different email addresses that
I recently tried to use to send to that the Disturbing Squirrel
Postcards website - http://www.greysquirrel.net/postcards2.html -
which is part of your network, tried to load a virus into the
message. I am not sure you are the right person to report
this to - but I did not see another address for problems.
This was detected by Norton Utilities.
Thank you,
Ellen Stenstrom
Dear Ellen
Some disturbed morons lied to you.
The postcards are on a UNIX server, not on a Windows
computer. It is physically impossible for Mypostcards.com type
cards to carry a virus, and they are purposely designed
so that they can't carry ANY attachments. Site owners like
GreySquirrel just supply pictures, music, and safe text.
Card senders can select from those pictures and music
and text, and can add their own text. That's it. Nobody
can add a virus or any form of malware.
We control the hard compiled UNIX software on the servers,
and nobody can mess with that.
Don't worry about the postcards, worry about those morons!
Either their machines are infected and giving them false warnings,
encouraging them to download fake anti-virus stuff that actually
contains trojan programs, or else they are just making up
lies to rattle your chain and make you look silly.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Two die-hard golfers saw some kids fishing
at the lake. One said to the other,
"Look at those idiots fishing in the rain!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Knit Shawls in the Spring
It's Spring and scarf season is over - so if you are a knitter -
switch over to rectangular shawls. It's the same only a bit
longer and wider! And you can use up leftover yarn by using
a different yarn per each row or so.
By Pamphyila from LA, CA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
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Golfer: "Well caddy, do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good, sir! But personally I prefer golf."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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.
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A car was involved in an accident. As one
might expect, a large crowd gathered. A
newspaper reporter, anxious to get his
story, pushed and struggled to get near the
car. Being a clever sort, he started
shouting loudly, "Let me through!
Let me through please! I am the son of the
victim."
The crowd made way for him.
Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
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Wednesday, April 7, 2010, 07:23 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Wednesday, April 7, 2010
A coupla months in the laboratory can save a coupla hours in
the library.
--- Westheimer's Discovery
Language is the source of misunderstandings.
--- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Sound travels slowly. Sometimes the things you
say when your kids are teenagers don't reach
them till they're in their 40s.
There was a Captain of a ship, and everyday at
a certain time he would lock himself up in his
cabin and look inside a mysterious black box.
He did this every day, but he told nobody what
was inside that box. Then one day he died and
in his testament he wrote: "Now you can open
the black box."
So they opened the black box. And what they
found was a piece of paper, on it was written
"Starboard is right, port is left."
Thanks to Kay for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Donald Wolfe, 55, Brookville, Pennsylvania
Drunk man tried to revive roadkill
A US man has been charged with public drunkenness after he
tried to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to roadkill.
Police arrested Donald Wolfe, 55, after witnesses reported
seeing him trying to revive a long dead possum, reports
the Philadelphia Inquirer.
One reported seeing Mr Wolfe kneeling before the animal
and gesturing as though he were conducting a seance.
Another reported seeing him give mouth to mouth resuscitation
to the carcass on a highway north-east of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
State police trooper Jamie Levier said the animal had been
dead a while.
Trooper Levier says the Brookville man was "extremely intoxicated"
and "did have his mouth in the area of the animal's mouth, I guess".
A possum is about the size of a domestic cat. The animals are
known for feigning death when threatened, hence the phrase
"playing possum".
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Elvira
Re: File Error Notification
Dear Webby
I got this email telling me about some file error notification,
and to click on some weird address to diagnose and fix it.
Is that legit?
Elvira
Dear Elvira
Do NOT click on anything in that email.
Delete it, then dump it from the trash.
If you click on that, your computer is infected with a
ransom-ware trojan virus, that you probably can't get
rid off without formatting and re-installing Windows.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat
and drink beer all day.
Give him a modem,
and he won't bother you all night.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Grate Orange Rind Before Eating
No new tip today
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Upon her engagement, the exuberant
young woman went to her mother and said,
"I've found a man just like father!"
Her mother replied, "So what do you want
from me, sympathy?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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.
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Ms Leibovitz heard rumors that there was
sexual harrassment going on at New York
City Transit and went to work there.
However, when nobody lived up to that
rumor and provided her with any sexual
harrassment, she sued the Transit
authority, that having to worry about getting
sexually harrassed or not, was a form of
sexual harrassment and caused her to gain
weight.
She was originally awarded $60 000,
however last Wednesday the Second
Circuit Court of Appeals threw out the jury
award and reversed a lower court judge's
ruling supporting it.
As of now, not getting sexual harrassment
is not a form of sexual harrassment.
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please vote for it at the
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Which LCD monitors are better?
Tuesday, April 6, 2010, 09:06 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original,
you will have to ram it down their throats.
--- Howard Aiken
The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase;
if you pursue happiness you'll never find it.
--- C. P. Snow
A young woman was preparing a ham dinner. After she cut
off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking. Her
friend asked her,"Why did you cut off the end of the ham"?
And she replied ,"I really don't know but my mother always
did, so I thought you were supposed to."
Later when talking to her mother she asked her why she cut
off the end of the ham before baking it, and her mother
replied,"I really don't know, but that's the way my mom
always did it."
A few weeks later while visiting her grandmother, the young
woman asked, "Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end
of a ham before you bake it?"
Her grandmother replied ,"Well dear, otherwise it would never
fit into my baking pan."
Little Johnny was rough housing with his dog. His mother said to
him, "Now, Johnny, I know you love Wilbur, but you're loving him
too much. How would you feel if someone huge picked you up and
squeezed you so hard you couldn't breathe?"
Little Johnny thought a moment and then said,
"I guess I'd feel like it was my birthday and
Aunt Agnes was here to squeeze the cake out of me!"
Careful!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Alexa Gonzalez in New York City
US girl sues for $1m over arrest for desk scribble
Alexa Gonzalez was led out of her school in handcuffs by police
A 12-year-old US schoolgirl is suing the New York City authorities
for $1m (£650,000) in damages after she was arrested for
writing on her desk.
Alexa Gonzalez was led out of her school in handcuffs by
police after she was caught scribbling a message to her
friends with an erasable, green marker.
Miss Gonzalez and her mother are suing the police and
education departments in New York City. They are claiming
for excessive use of force and violation of her rights.
Miss Gonzalez was caught scribbling "I love my friends
Abby and Faith" on her desk during a Spanish class in
February. The 12-year-old said her Spanish teacher then
"dragged" her to the dean's office, where eventually
police had to be called to deal with her.
Miss Gonzalez told the New York Daily News she broke down
as she was led out of Junior High School 190 in Queens
in handcuffs.
She said she was then held at a local school precinct for
hours in what she calls a traumatising and excessive ordeal.
New York City officials, considering that the schools and
police have too much money, chose not to back them up and
announced the arrest was a mistake, saying better judgement
should have been used by the arresting officers.
Miss Gonzalez was suspended from school and tried in a
family court, where she was given eight hours of community
service and ordered to write an essay about lessons to be
learned from the incident.
Her family's lawyer said the school had overreacted by
calling the police. He of course did not mention any
difficulties the dean's office had in dealing with her.
"We want to stop this from happening to other young
children in the future," the lawyer, Joseph Rosenthal,
told the New York Daily News.
Even if the schools and the police get off, the public admission
of a mistake, instead of an internal action, will cost the city
a lot of lawyer bills.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Andy
Re: LCD monitors
Dear Webby
While shopping for an LCD monitor I noticed that some of them
have a soft and flexible surface and others have a hard glass
surface. Which are better?
Andy
Dear Andy
The hard glass surface monitors are a class better than the
ones with the soft plastic surface. The glass does not scratch
and is not fussy about how you clean it.
The soft plastic does not protect the fragile glass behind it,
it just glosses over the coarse resolution of a cheap monitor.
It gives you, at first glance, the impression that you got a
reasonably high resolution, but when you look closer you see
that fine details are mushy.
Glass front monitors are usually more expensive, but provide
a class better resolution. For example, on the Lenovo LP201p,
that I use, writing that can be covered up with a wooden match,
is perfectly legible, sharp and without jaggies, and it has the
1600 x 1200 resolution, that I need. yes, you CAN get
1600 x 1200 LCDs with proper 4:3 ratio, but not at Walmart
or other bargain places.
Even though good monitors costs more than bargain monitors,
they still cost less than eye glasses.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
I find it strange that all those psychics claim they know my future
and the winning lottery numbers, yet they fail miserably in
predicting that I dump their mail without reading it.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Grate Orange Rind Before Eating
Before I eat an orange, or use the juice of a lemon,
I always grate the rind off, and keep frozen in a container.
Then when a recipe calls for either, I always have some
zest on hand. Handy to have to whip up a special salad
dressing, too!
By Pergammano from Galiano, B.C.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
If olive oil comes from olives,
where does baby oil come from?
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
A young minister, in the first days of his first
parish, was obliged to call upon the widow of an
eccentric man who had just died. Standing
before the open casket and consoling the
widow, he said, "I know this must be a
very hard blow, Mrs. Jones. But we must
remember that what we see here is the husk
only, the shell --
the nut has gone to heaven."
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Which mouse lasts longest?
Monday, April 5, 2010, 06:45 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Monday, April 5, 2010
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the
one I've never tried before.
--- Mae West
John: I got this great new hearing aid the
other day.
Mary: Are you wearing it now?
John: Yup. Cost me four thousand dollars,
but it's the best that money can buy.
Mary: What kind is it?
John: Twelve-thirty.
Morris was at his usual place sitting at the
table, reading the paper after breakfast. He
came across an article about a beautiful
actress that was about to marry a football
player who was known primarily for his lack
of smarts and common sense.
He turned to his wife Sherry, with a look of
question on his face.
"I'll never understand why the biggest bozos
get the most attractive wives."
His wife replies, "Why thank you, dear!"
Late one night at the insane asylum one
inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another one said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "Because God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted,
"I did NOT !!"
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this piture:
Should I pounce on my sister, or should I have a nap?
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Franchesca Dominique Edwards, 25 from Norfolk, Virginia
Naked in elevator
A Norfolk woman was arrested at the new Hilton Hotel & Spa
in Short Pump Friday night after being found nude in an
elevator with a toy gun. According to Henrico Police,
25-year-old Franchesca Dominique Edwards was found after
“strange noises” were heard in the elevator around 8:30 p.m.
A hotel staff member asked Edwards to leave. When she
refused, she pulled a fake gun, reportedly a cap pistol,
on the employee, who then called police.
Glamor Shot at the Cop Shop
tastefully dressed in a prison shirt.
The woman was arrested by authorities at the hotel, in the
12000 block of West Broad Street, in the parking lot.
Edwards was charged with indecent exposure and brandishing
a weapon.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Maryann
Re: Which mouse lasts the longest?
Dear Webby
I use my computer a lot, and when I don't, my hubby does.
It used to be that a decent mouse lasted as long as a computer,
but that sure doesn't seem to be the case any more.
My half year old Logitech mouse starts freezing the curser,
and only unplugging it for a moment or moving it to another
USB port gets it working again. Then it works for a few
minutes, and freezes up again.
Even though crawling under the table and unplugging and
replugging the stupid mouse in the dark is probably good
exercise, I am sick and tired of it.
It's not the USB port. When I got fed up enough I borrowed
an old mouse, on which the Paste button is worn out, from
my son. Other than the missing Paste, it works fine and
never freezes the curser. Is there any way to fix my wired
Logitech Laser mouse?
If not, which mouse lasts the longest?
Thanks
Maryann
Dear Maryann
That mouse has timed out, and is not fixable. If you bought
it at Staples and you stil have the receipt, you can trade it
in for another one. For the first six months, that is a great
mouse, unfortuunately they die young if used a lot.
If you don't have a receipt, or if you bought it at Walmart,
dispose of it.
The mice I get the most hours out of are Microsoft mice.
The Laser 6000 and the Intellimouse Explorer both last a
couple of years. They don't seem to count the usage hours,
and their weak point is the first few inches of cable,
not the electronics. THAT is easily fixable. Just shorten
the cable a few inches, and it is good for another year
or two.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and
didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too.
"A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry," she
told him.
"Really?" asked the boyfriend, "And just how many men are you
intending to marry?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Cereal Bags to Leftover Store Ham
This is the perfect way to save your Easter ham. A big ham
fits perfectly in a recycled bag from a large box of cereal.
For ham, I especially like the very large corn flakes bags.
It's wonderful as you have no mess with going in and out
of the bag as anything messy stays inside the bag. The
ham can be "carefully" sliced inside the bag, if you're just
slicing a small amount and don't want the mess. You can
save the messy stuff inside the bag for future recipes.
I save all cereal bags when the box of cereal has been
eaten as they are too good to throw away. In my opinion,
they are better than anything you can buy to store food
or other things in. They're even good to cover seeds,
that you have started indoors. Like Thrifty Fun, cereal bags
are absolutely wonderful!
By Suzy from Clinton, TN.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Neither of Sue's kids ever understood her logic.
Somehow they failed to see why THEY had to go to bed
when SHE was tired.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
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please vote for it at the
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Sunday, April 4, 2010, 07:36 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Sunday, April 4, 2010
Happy Easter, !
Remember what Easter is all about?
Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.
--- Sam Brown, Washington Post, 1977
I base my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
--- Gilda Radner
The world is full of willing people:
some willing to work
and some willing to let them.
A baby-sitter is a teenager
acting like an adult
while the adults are out acting like
teenagers.
When a physician remarked on a new
patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion,
he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It
comes from my family."
"Your mother's side or your father's?" the
doctor asked.
"Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family."
"Oh, come now," I said. "How could your
wife's family give you high blood pressure?"
He sighed.
"You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Apolonio Lopez, 44, of Apolonio Lopez, 44, NM
Sent in by Cat
18th DUI
Man arrested 18 times for DWI
Published : Friday, 02 Apr 2010, 11:27 PM MDT
ALBUQUERQUE (KRQE) - An Albuquerque man who has 17 prior DUI
arrests on his record was busted again Friday night after a
Bernalillo County Sheriff's Deputy said the man almost
rear-ended his police cruiser going 87 miles per hour.
Apolonio Lopez, 44, was driving behind a deputy around
midnight on Interstate 25 near the Albuquerque Sunport when
he approached the deputy's car at a high rate of speed,
according to a report from BCSO.
The deputy said he was forced to swerve to avoid being hit
by Lopez.After that, the deputy got behind Lopez and pulled
him over. According to the report, Lopez smelled of alcohol
and was slurring his speech.
Lopez had a 0.18 percent blood-alcohol level, more than twice
the legal limit, a BCSO spokesman said.
He was out on probation Friday night for driving on a
revoked license. "He has no reason to stop, he has none,"
Atkinson said. "Going through the court system seems to be a
hobby for him."
In addition to his 18th DWI arrest Friday, Lopez was also
arrested for reckless driving and speeding.
BCSO said the car he was driving belonged to someone
he lives with.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Nub
Re:
Hey Webby,
Got a problem with the images in your letters. There aren't
any, displayed anywhere, all I see are little boxes. If I click
on a box, I get transferred to a copy of the letter with the
images included. Sometimes I get a copy of the same letter
I had to start with, sometimes to a letter which is completely
different. I have Gmail and it has always served me well.
I have had your letters for many years and never a problem.
I enjoy your no nonsense, straight forward approach to the
giving of advise to old goats like me that are Computer
challenged. Thank you sir...
Nub
Dear Nub
That sounds like a typical IE "feature".
It seems that Microsoft is trying to start a pissing contest
with Google. There have been no changes in the Humor Letter.
The only thing that changed is the recent IE updates.
The solution is switching to FireFox or any browser other than IE.
The same emails suddenly look just fine and the way they are
supposed to, when you view them with FireFox, Chrome, Opera,
Safari or Camino.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Thanks to Jai for this one:
How would you pronounce this child's name?
"Le-a"
Leah?? NO
Lee - A?? NOPE
Lay - a?? NO
Lei?? Guess Again.
This child attends a school in Kansas City, Mo. Her mother is irate
because everyone is getting her name wrong.
It's pronounced "Ledasha", When the Mother was asked about the
pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."
SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please
remember to pronounce the dash.
If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.
An ifn dey axe you how to ponounce
L8r=a,
it's like the honkeys would pronouce Latreesha,
but wif an ebonic haxent.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Shaving Cream for Emergency Carpet Cleaning
After coming home from a twelve hour day at work, I was
greeted by my loving, newly adopted Boxer! I was also met
with a stench that would wake the dead, and when I looked
inside my home. I saw a dog parent's worst nightmare:
projectile diarrhea on my light beige carpet covering
approximately 15 square feet!
Having no name brand carpet cleaners in the house, I had
to get creative and fast before I passed out from the sight
and smell.
To my surprise and delight the following procedure worked
flawlessly for the stain and smell. I ran into the shower and
grabbed my Gillette Foamy shaving cream.
(After cleaning up what I could wearing gloves and a respirator),
I squirted the foam on each of the separate 18 (yes 18)
soiled areas. I let it sit for about 10-15 minutes.
Then, with a towel that was dampened with hot water, I agitated
the spots and EVERYTHING came out instantly! I have found
this works better than all the name brand, expensive carpet-stain
removers on the market!
By Greg from Columbia, SC
Editor's Note: Be sure to use the old fashioned white shaving
cream. Using a gel based shaving product will not have the
same effect and may stain your carpet.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Man: "Just look at that young person with
the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?"
Bystander: "It's a girl. She's my daughter."
Man: "Oh, please forgive me, sir. I had no
idea you were her father."
Bystander: "I'm not. I'm her mother."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
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Is it safe to uninstall IE8?
Saturday, April 3, 2010, 08:29 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Saturday, April 3, 2010
The great thing in the world is not so much where we
stand, as in what direction we are moving.
— Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr
One night, a lady stumbled into the police
station with a black eye. She claimed she
heard a noise in her back yard and ran out
swinging her rolling pin. The next thing she
knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked
out cold.
An officer was sent to her house to
investigate, and he returned a half hour
later with a black eye as well.
"Did you get hit by the same person?" his
captain asked.
"No sir," he replied. "I stepped on the same
rake."
"I would like some vitamins for my son," the
mother said as she walked into the
pharmacy.
"Vitamins A, B, or C?" asks the pharmacist.
"It doesn't matter, he can't read yet."
Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Thaylin Shawn Pierce, of Billings, Montana
Drunk at 11th DUI sentencing
BILLINGS, Mont. (AP) - A 49-year-old Montana man who was
intoxicated when he came to court for his trial on a felony
drunken driving charge has pleaded no contest to his 11th DUI.
Thaylin Shawn Pierce, of Billings, entered the plea Thursday.
He's free on bond until his sentencing June 22, and will
probably make it an even dozen by then.
Pierce was charged in November 2008 after he tried to drive
after being kicked out of a casino. His trial was scheduled to
begin Wednesday, but the judge suspected Pierce was intoxicated.
A breath test showed Pierce had a blood-alcohol level of
0.093 percent.
Negotiations for a plea agreement began. One of the conditions
was that Pierce had to return to court sober the next morning
to enter his plea.
Pierce has nine previous drunken driving convictions in Colorado
and another one in Wyoming.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Guinn
Re:
Dear Webby,
Hi, Webby.
We got a new computer that should have had IE6 installed
but find we have IE8 instead. I know that we can download IE6
but is it safe to do so and then uninstall IE8 and install IE6?
Will it mess anything up?
Thanks for any help you can give us,
Guinn
Dear Guinn
I doubt that you can uninstall IE8 safely.
Just use FireFox and don't worry about it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A man who smelled like a bar at closing time,
flopped on a subway seat next to a
priest. The man's tie was stained and his
collar showed some liptsick smears.
He opened his newspaper and began
reading. After a few minutes the disheveled
guy turned to the priest and asked,
"Say,Father, what causes arthritis?"
"It's caused by loose living, being with
cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol
and a contempt for your fellow man!"
"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered,
returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said,
nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very
sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong.
How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father, I was just reading
here that the Pope does."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Save Glass Jars for Homemade Iced Tea
Save money, calories and chemicals going into your body by
re-purposing store-bought glass tea jars for homemade ice tea.
Clean the bottles after you're finished with your drinks (or get
friends to give you some), then make a big batch of tea on the
stove by boiling water and adding the tea bags to steep. I add
some honey to mine and then when it cools down, I pour it into
the glass bottles. I keep these in the fridge (make caffeine-free
and caffeinated ones separately) and grab when I'm going out
the door. I save money on the tea, limit calories of a caffeinated
soda, and don't have to ingest all those chemicals that come
from a soda!
By Erin from Blue Bell, PA
Once it gets warm enough to really enjoy ice tea, you can easily
make it in gallon pickle jars set in a sunny spot that is sheltered
from the wind. In spring and fall you can use a miniature
greenhouse like the ones made for growing herbs on window
sills or a tomato cage with a clear plastic bag to shelter the jar.
Make sure you don't put the lid on tight, because with a mini
greenhouse it will come to a boil quite easily.
Depending on my mood, I also toss a quarter lemon or orange
in with the teabags.
A one CDN gallon jug will fill 18 250 ml drinking bottles but
only need 3 - 4 tea bags for sun tea.
With the smaller US gallon jugs (3.8 Liters instead of 4.5 Liters)
you can fill 15 of the 250 ml drinking bottles and 3 teabags
are usually enough.
To decant from the jug into drinking bottles, put a small non-slip
pillow or sponge near the edge of the counter, set the jug
on it and tilt it. If you have arthritis or klutzy members of the
household, you can get a jug tipper for $16.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Morris and Sam have been at odds all
through the school year, however, they
decide to forgive each other for any unkind
actions and thoughts for the holiday.
"And," says Morris, "I wish you, what you
would wish for me."
Sam yelled, "Are you ALREADY starting
getting hostile again?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
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Copy to another machine on the home network
Friday, April 2, 2010, 06:46 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Friday, April 2, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
A philosopher is a sort of intellectual yokel who gawks
at things that sensible people take for granted."
--- Alan W. Watts
Thanks to Art for this story:
A property manager of single family residence was showing a unit to
prospective tenants and asking the usual questions.
"Professionally employed?" he asked.
"We're a military family," the wife answered.
"Children?"
"Oh, yes! Ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly.
"Animals?"
"Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved."
Stalin appears before Vladimir Putin in a dream,
and asks what he can do to help.
"What can I do?" Putin groans.
"The economy is collapsing, the miners are
on strike, the army is useless and nobody
treats us with any respect."
"Shoot the entire government and then
paint the Kremlin blue," says Stalin.
"Why blue?"
"I had a feeling you'd only want to
discuss the second half."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Rep. Hank Johnson, D-Georgia
Rep. Hank Johnson: Guam could 'tip over and capsize'
Johnson expressed his worries during a House Armed Services
Committee hearing on the defense budget Thursday.
Addressing Adm. Robert Willard, who commands the Navy's
Pacific Fleet, Johnson made a tippy motion with his hands and
said sternly, "My fear is that the whole island will become so
overly populated that it will tip over and capsize."
Talking very strained and slowly, like somebody who was was
trying to sound sophishicated after a large breakfast of
spiked water melon and hash brownies, he also mentioned
that he ish very concerned about glow-bull warming.
Video of it is at http://snipurl.com/hankjo
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Megan
Re: Copy to another machine on the home network
Dear Webby,
I need to copy a bunch of files from my laptop to the desktop
once a day, but really don't want the rigmarole of manually
stepping 27 levels deep down into Documents and Settings, etc.
on both machines. There MUST be a better way for doing that!
Megan
Dear Megan
First make sure you got the address bar on top of the
File Explorer turned on.
Next clear a spot on your desktop big enough for two icons,
preferably along the edge, where you let the important icons
peek around open windows.
Open a File Explorer and waddle down to that folder on one
machine.
Open a second File explrer and waddle down to that folder on
the other machine, ready to drag the files from one machine
to the other.
Now look at the address bar on top of each File Explorer.
At the left of the address bar you will see a tiny icon.
Drag that to the prepared spot on the desktop, and rename
it to for example DskTop
Do the same with the File Explorer showing the laptop, and
rename the shortcut LAP
From now on you just hit those two icons, and File Explorers
will open up already set to those specific directories, ready for
you to drag the files across.
If you are not scared of the raw DOS command line, and if you
or anybody is interested in it, I'll show you how to make a bat,
that will copy the files across whenever you click on ONE icon.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
The judge read the charges, then asked,
"Are you the defendant in this case?"
"No sir, your honor, sir," replied Jill, "I've got
a lawyer to do the defendin'. I'm the person
who done it."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Finding Extra Plants in Pony Packs
I'm frugal, but do afford myself the "luxury" of buying the
small plants for my backyard raised garden and flower
beds. Today I decided to get started with the planting and
stopped to by a few plants from a mom and pop's roadside
stand not far from home. Upon examining the little four-packs,
which they sell for $1.25, I realized that many of the packs
had two or more plants growing in each of the four cups.
By spending a little extra time looking, I was able to buy
packs with as many as 9 plants in them rather than the 4
which are usually in the ones which come from the big box
garden centers who get them from huge greenhouse
operations. I saved money; I kept the profit to the merchant
in our community; and I got very healthy plants that hadn't
gone through several days of shipping and stocking.
By Sandy from Elon, NC
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Only yesterday in 1898 it was made
illegal to package children up and
send them by parcel-post.
Seems the kids kept getting out of their boxes
and playing with the mail.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Sign in a veterinarian's office:
All unattended children will be given
a free kitten.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
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