Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, June 9.

>From Bob in Maryland 
In regard to the monsters under the bed, 
every child should be informed that monsters are 
completely repulsed by the smell of toothpaste 
on anyone's breath. This lasts about eight hours 
after brushing.
Bob

Your wheels:
Here is Pris's Dream Car:

Pris


Thanks 
Pris!

Send me pictures of YOUR wheels, or dream wheels!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the 
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an
accomplice.
--- Marquis de la Grange

The sad truth is that excellence makes people nervous.
--- Shana Alexander


During class, the chemistry professor was demonstrating the
properties of various acids. "Now I'm going to drop this 
dime into this glass of acid. Will it dissolve?"

"No sir," one student called out.

"No?" queried the professor. "Perhaps you can explain why
the silver won't dissolve in this particular acid."

"Because if it would, you would have asked for MY dime
before you dropped it in."


Slash, a well-known murderer, had been on death row for
nearly 20 years. During that time, he had befriended the
Warden. Now, the Warden still had a job to do, but that
didn't stop him from treatin' Slash special from time to
time. A week before Slash was to go to the electric chair,
the Warden asked Slash if there was anything special he
would like. Slash thought for a bit and said he would like
the Warden to contact his wife and have her make meatloaf
for him the rest of his life (which by this time, was
short).

Of course, the Warden complied and each day, Slash sat down
and had a big feed of his wife's meatloaf.

The night before the big day, another prisoner was allowed to
visit Slash and asked him. "Aren't you afraid of dying tomorrow?"

Slash answered' "I ain't gonna die tomorrow."

The other prisoner then said, "but tomorrow is Friday and we all
know, that's the day they're sendin' you to the electric chair."

"Don't matter," said Slash, "if this meatloaf can't kill me,
nothin' can."
  

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for YOU! 
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Home Depot, and they will cut and deliver it. 
Half an afternoon of screwing around with a drill used as
a power screwdriver, and it is done. The second one will take
less than half an hour. Get the GardenRack now!



An elderly lady, who lived on the third floor of a boarding
house, broke her leg.  As the doctor put a cast on it, he
warned her not to climb any stairs.

Several months later, the doctor took off the cast.

"Can I climb stairs now?" asked the little old lady.

"Yes," he replied.

"Thank goodness!" she said.
"I'm sick and tired of shinnying up and down that drainpipe
every time I have to take the garbage out to the curb!"


Thanks to Lillemor for this picture of part of her garden.

Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Shavaughn Robinson, 27, Richmond, VA

Jailed After Delivering Baby Inside Medical Building 
Restroom, Leaving Baby To Die In Back Dumpster

Reported by The Weekly Vice
Shavaughn Robinson, a 27-year-old Virginia woman, has been 
jailed after she allegedly gave birth to a baby daughter 
while at work, bagged the newborn up and then threw her 
into a dumpster.

According to police, Robinson gave birth to a full-term baby 
girl in the restroom of the Lee Medical Building where she 
works as a massage therapist.

After giving birth to the child, Robinson then allegedly 
tossed the infant into a trash bag, covered her with toilet 
tissue, then tied the bag closed. The infant was then tossed 
into a dumpster behind the building where she reportedly 
died of asphyxiation.

Investigators say a female janitor entered the restroom a 
short time later and saw Robinson on her hands and knees 
cleaning up blood in front of a toilet. Robinson reportedly 
told the janitor that she had been having stomach problems.

Another janitor reported hearing baby cries coming from 
inside the restroom before Robinson was seen exiting the 
restroom with a trash bag that appeared full. The same 
janitor discovered the deceased child in the dumpster 
later that evening.

Robinson was booked into jail and charged with felony 
concealment of a dead body. Additional charges WILL be 
forthcoming, according to prosecutors.

At Robinson's arraignment on Monday, prosecutors asked 
that she be held without bond, claiming that she would 
be a flight risk. The judge disagreed, however, and set 
Robinson's bond at $10,000. 

Virginia does have a "Safe Haven" law. Babies can be 
dropped off at any hospital or ambulance by the mother,
with no questions asked, except, if she is the mother.
You can't drop off your neighbor's noisy brats.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Aline
Re: What is best for back-up?

Dear Webby
OK, so CD's are a bit finicky at times. What then is
best to use for back-ups? I have to back up all the
machines in the office.
Aline

Dear Aline
Home-made CDs are usually readable by the machine, that 
made them, but with older machines, others often have
trouble reading them.
That problem is eliminated with external USB hard drives.
There the writing and reading mechanism is always the same,
it just gets plugged into different USB ports.

In your case I would recommend a 1 TeraByte USB hard drive.
They cost from $65 to $125, depending on where you buy them.
At the same time also get USB hubs for each machine, since 
they probably don't have USB ports free. With a 7 - 12 port
hub that problem is eliminated and if you glue the hub to
an easy to get to place, it will save you from having to 
crawl under desks to plug in.

Some external hard drives take their power from USB, others
have a little power cube, that needs to be plugged into a
household power outlet. In some places, there are no free 
ones. In that case you also need a power bar to plug in
all the frivolous stuff and still have one slot free for 
your back-up drive. Since users will just plug in more 
silly stuff, when they see open slots on a power bar, take
some old power cubes from long obsolete modems, cut the
cables off and spraypaint them fluorescent orange. Then 
tell the users that those may never be unplugged.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Window Fans Before Air Conditioning
Our second floor bedroom gets very hot in the summer. 
I found a twin window fan at Goodwill for $3.50. 
Despite the fact that it has been over 90 degrees 
for several days the room has been comfortable and 
sometimes too cold for my always-too-warm husband! 
The fan has already paid for itself and we are hoping 
to use the air conditioning minimally if at all.

By Judy 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin
when she met up with Father Flaherty.
The Father said, "Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye
Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer husband 2 years
ago?"

She replied, "Aye, that ye did, Father."

The Father asked, "And be there any wee ones yet?"

She replied, "No, not yet, Father."

The Father said, "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week
and I'll light a candle for ye and yer husband."

She replied, "Oh, thank ye, Father."

They parted ways.

Some years later they met again. The Father asked,
"Well now, Mrs.Donovan, how are ye these days?"
She replied, "Oh, very well, Father!"

The Father asked, "And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?"

She replied, "Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and 4
singles, 10 in all!"

The Father said, "That's wonderful!" How is yer loving
husband doing?"

She replied, "E's gone to Rome to blow up yer damn candle."

special deal!; color:white; width:600px;">Have I got a deal for you!
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A woman went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of   
peat moss. She gave a personal check in payment and said to   
the clerk, "I suppose you will want some identification."   

He replied, without hesitation, "No ma'am, that won't be   
necessary."   

"How come?" asked the woman.   

"Crooks don't buy peat moss." answered the clerk.   





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman:
 "And what do you think is the
 best thing about being 104?"
 the reporter asked.
 She simply replied,
 "No peer pressure."



» Candlesticks




Today, June 9, in
1064 Coimbra, Portugal fell to Ferdinand, the King of Castile.
1534 Jacques Cartier became the first to sail into the river 
 he named Saint Lawrence.
1790 Civil war broke out in Martinique.
1923 Bulgaria’s government was overthrown by the military.
1934 Donald Duck made his debut in the Silly Symphonies 
 cartoon "The Wise Little Hen."
1940 Norway surrendered to the Nazis during World War II.
1945 Japanese Premier Kantaro Suzuki declared that Japan 
 would fight to the last rather than accept unconditional 
 surrender.
1959 The first ballistic missile carrying submarine, the 
 USS George Washington, was launched.
1978 Leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day 
 Saints struck down a 148-year-old policy of excluding 
 black men from the Mormon priesthood.
1985 Thomas Sutherland, an American educator, was kidnapped 
 in Lebanon. He was not released until November 1991.
1986 The Rogers Commission released a report on the Challenger 
 disaster. The report explained that the spacecraft blew up as 
 a result of a failure in a solid rocket booster joint.
 Few engineers beieved that BS.
1999 NATO and Yugoslavia signed a peace agreement over Kosovo.
2000 Canada and the United States signed a border security 
 agreement. The agreement called for the establishment of a 
 border-enforcement team.
2013  smiled

Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, June 8.

Enjoy
Ophelia


 
Please, help me stay online!

	


Tyrone was visiting Leroy and discussing Leroy's problems
with his wife when Leroy's doorbell rang. Leroy answered
the door and was handed a paper which the deliverer said
was a subpoena. Leroy showed it to Tyrone and asked him
if he knew what it was.

Tyrone in his pompous lack of knowledge said, "Dis here
is a subpeena."

"Wut is a sub-peena?" Leroy asked.

"Well," said Tyrone, "dat's law talk. Yo wife is suing you for
deevorce. We know dat 'sub' means 'unda' and 'peena' is Latin
for 'penis', so -- 'subpeena' means unda the penis which means
she done got you by da balls."



Subscribe a friend to Ophelia Dingbatter's News!

(They will receive a confirmation request)


 

>From Paul
The Reason Why I Fired My Secretary 
 
Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn't 
feeling too hot that morning anyway.  I went to breakfast 
knowing my wife would be pleasant and say Happy Birthday, 
and would probably have a present for me. 

She didn't even say Good Morning, let alone any Happy 
Birthday.   
I thought, Well, that's wives for you. Maybe the children
will remember. 

The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. 

When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and 
despondent. 
As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said, 
Good morning boss, Happy Birthday. 
So I felt a little better; someone had remembered. 

I worked until noon. Then Janet knocked on my door and 
said, You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's 
your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me. I said, 
By George, that's the best thing I've heard all day. Let's 
go. 

We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; 
we went out into the country to a little private place. 
We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. 

On the way back to the office, she said, 
You know, it's such a beautiful day. 
We don't need to go back to the office, do we? 
I said, No, I guess not. She said, Let's go to my 
apartment. 
After arriving at her apartment she said, Boss, if 
you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and 
slip into something more comfortable. 

Sure, I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom 
and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a big 
birthday cake, followed by my wife, children and dozens 
of our friends. 

All were singing Happy Birthday and there on the couch I 
sat... with nothing on except my socks. 

And that is why I fired my secretary! 


For clean, family safe humor and tech tips, 
try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter


Marty arrives home from work and as soon as he sets foot in 
the house, Sadie is on to him, telling him that their friend 
Marvin has finally quit smoking.

"Imagine that, Marty," she says, "someone who smoked 3 packs 
a day for 20 years has stopped smoking all of a sudden. Now 
that's what I call will power - something that you 
definitely don't have."

But Sadie hadn't finished.

"And that's not all. I hear that Bernie, that drunken friend 
of yours, is finally giving up drinking - another example of 
the kind of will power that you don't have."

"OK, Sadie," said Marty, "you want to see will power, 
do you? Well here's will power. I am going to sleep in the 
spare room from now on. I am going to prove to you that I won't 
be affected at all by not sleeping with you."

Marty keeps to his word.

One night, when he had been sleeping alone for a week, 
there is a knock on his bedroom door.

Marty shouts out, "What do you want?"

Sadie replies, "Marvin has started smoking again."


A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the
housework. They hired a most comely young woman for the job. She worked
out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat, and also
kept the gentleman of the household most satisfied indeed!.

One day, after about six months, she came in and said she would have to
quit. "But why?" asked the disappointed wife.

She hemmed and hawed and said she didn't want to say, but the wife was
persistent, so finally she said, "Well, I'm pregnant."

The wife said, "Look, we don't want to lose you. I am not able to have
children and my husband and I would dearly love children, so we'll adopt
your baby if you will stay." She talked to her husband and of course he
readily agreed, and the maid said she would stay. The baby came, they
adopted it, and all went well.

After several months though, the maid came in again and said that she
would have to quit. The wife questioned her, found out that she was
pregnant again, talked to her husband, and offered to adopt the baby if
she would stay. She agreed, had the baby, they adopted it, and life went
on as usual.

In a few months, however, she again said she would have to leave. Same
thing. She was pregnant. They made the same offer, she agreed, and they
adopted the third baby. She worked for another two months, but then
said, " I am definitely leaving this time."

"Don't tell me you're pregnant again?" asked the lady of the house.

"No," she said, "there are just too many bloody kids here to pick up
after!"









Enjoy!
Ophelia





Subscribe 




Since 1/1/12

   Countries

Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, June 7.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Thank you Moe!!

Your wheels:
My dream car is a Stutz Bearcat.  I read a book called
Her Father's Daughter by Gene Stratton Porter when I 
was about 12 years old and it sounded different and 
fun.  Then the show Alias Smith and Jones came along
and I got to see one being driven.  I've loved it ever since,
but not something I can have unless I win the lottery.  :)
Thanks for all you do,
Regards, Margee :)

Here is Margee's Dream Car:


Send me pictures of YOUR wheels, or dream wheels!


Thanks 
Margee!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the 
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious.
--- William Feather


Ms Elizabeth Gold was shopping at a produce stand in 
her neighborhood. She approached the vendor and asked,
"How much are these oranges?"

"Two for a quarter," answered the vendor.

"How much is just one?" she asked.

"Fifteen cents," answered the vendor.

"Then I'll take the other one," said Ms Gold.


Reading on Vacation
"What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the
heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed.

"Well, I went down to Busch Gardens on vacation and
decided to take a ride on the Loch Ness Monster...
As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed
a little sign by the side of the track.

I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't
make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round
again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see what
the sign said.

By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round
a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car
to get a better view."

"And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?"
asked the visitor.

"Yes," he said sheepishly, "Remain seated at all times!"
  

Hardware Diagnostics
If you are not sure, that the problem is messed up software,
get the Microscope V16 Software Hardware Diagnostics
With Over 250 Proprietary Functions. 
That's what the Pro's use to quickly determine what
needs to be replaced or upgraded.


Thanks to Ella for this story:
My husband and I decided to take our two children, then ages
seven and three, to our favorite "adult" restaurant for the
first time. The younger child refused to stay in her seat
and danced around our table. Her sister, tears rolling down
her face, laughed loudly at the three-year-old's antics and
pounded the table.

Beet-red with embarrassment, my husband warned them through
clenched teeth, "If you don't start behaving, you'll never
eat out with us again!"

The man at the next table leaned over to his wife. "Look
dear," he said. "Quality time!"




Click on the picture for the large version

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Mhai Scott, 38, Sterling, VA

Food Sample Server Goes On Rampage After 
Running Out Of Pizza, Shot Dead By Deputies

Reported by The Weekly Vice
Mhai Scott, a 38-year-old food sample server at Costco, 
was shot dead Wednesday afternoon after she allegedly 
threatened employees and then charged deputies with a 
knife because she ran out of pizza samples.

According to the Loudoun County Sheriff's Office, deputies 
were dispatched to a Sterling area Costco Wednesday after 
employees called 911 to report that a co-worker was 
threatening to harm other employees with a knife and a 
pair of scissors.

Investigators say Scott apparently became angry when she 
ran out of pizza, picked up the weapons and proceeded to 
a break room where she intended to confront another 
employee over the situation.

An employee at the store told local media that Scott was 
using the knife to threaten a supervisor while "making 
strange comments about the pizza."

Deputies who arrived on the scene asked Scott to put down 
the weapon, however, she refused and charged toward them 
instead. A deputy used a stun gun in an attempt to subdue 
Scott, however it had little to no effect, according to 
the arrest report.

When Scott raised the knife and charged again, deputies 
fired several shots killing her. At that close range, 
no shots missed and nobody else was hit.

Scott reportedly worked for Club Demonstration Services, 
which provides food product samples inside Costco's stores.

One deputy was injured during the altercation and treated 
at a local hospital. Both deputies who responded to the call 
have been placed on administrative leave while officials 
evaluate the officers' conduct to assure appropriate 
procedures were followed.

Charging at fully armed deputies with a knife and scissors
qualifies her for not just a Bonehead Award, but a 
Darwin Award for voluntarily taking herself out of the 
gene pool.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Yara
Re: Shaky tripod

Dear Webby
I have to use a tripod to take pictures at work for
maintenance planning. Flash is useless when distance
is involved and the lighting requires long exposures.
Combined with slightly vibrating floors and a shaky,
well worn tripod, the pictures turn out crappy. Is there
a fix fo that?
Yara

Dear Yara
A modern camera with digital anti-shake technology 
takes care of that without any tripod at all.
However, stay away from fancy SLR cameras like
the Canon Rebel. They are too fussy for that kind
of work. A Canon Powershot at a quarter the cost
will do fine. Turn the automatic flash off in the settings
and if necessary, tape down the flash.

For the tripod  use big gobs of two component rubber, 
like they use for patching conveyor belts, or a fast setting
silicon caulk and attach tennis balls to the feet of the 
tripod.

Then use a piece of coathanger wire to hang a metal
weight off the wing-bolt or star wheel that is used to
attach the camera. Do NOT use stretchable string or
soft weights. Only a solid metal-to-metal connection
lets you take advantage of the inertia of the mass in
the weight, and forces the tennis balls to absorb any
vibration. If you used a bungee cord and a sand bag,
the sandbag would be perfectly still, but the camera
would still vibrate.

A hanging weight is not perfect, but it will cause a
remarkable improvement. However, without the tennis balls 
or other small balls, the weight makes no difference.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Washing Small Items in the Dishwasher
A lingerie bag is a great help in an automatic dishwasher 
for washing small, unbreakable items. Fill the bag, zip it 
closed and lay it in the top rack. Clothes pin it to the 
prongs if needed, if you feel it may bounce around. Items 
will stay in the bag, but the holes in it will let the items 
come real clean. This works great for plastic silverware, 
plastic figurines, and most anything that won't break.

By Laura from Elberta, AL

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

An American tourist in London decided to skip his
tour group and explore the city on his own.   He wandered
around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a
quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads,
and have a pint of Guinness.

    After awhile, he found himself in a very high class
neighborhood..... big, stately residences... no pubs, no
stores, no restaurants, and worst of all... NO PUBLIC
RESTROOMS.

    He really, really had to go, after all those pints of
Guinnesss.  He found  a narrow side street, with high walls
surrounding the adjacent buildings and decided to use the
wall to solve his problem.

    As he was unzipping, he was tapped on the
shoulder by a London bobbie, who said, "I say, sir, you
simply cannot do that here, you know."

    "I'm very sorry, officer," replied the American, "but
I really, really HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public
restroom."

    "Ah, yes," said the Bobbie..."Just follow me".
He led him to a back "delivery alley", then along a
wall to a gate which he opened.

    "In there," pointed the Bobbie.  "Whiz away,...
anywhere you want."

    The fellow entered and found himself in the most
beautiful  garden he had ever seen -- manicured grass lawns,
statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of
gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.

    Since he had the cop's blessing, he zipped down
and unburdened himself and was greatly relieved.  As he
went back through the gate, he said to the bobbie, "That
was really decent of you .... is that "British Hospitality?".

    "No" replied the Bobbie, with a satisfied smile on his
face, "that is the French Embassy

Have I got a deal for you!
Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97!

  

What's Aquaponics? It's top secret technology some pros use
to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two 
to ten times the crop per square foot? 
Yes, it sure is!

It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces
all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that 
clean that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish.
Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal!

You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book
tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes
and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs.

If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab
Aquaponics, while it is on sale!
AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books!

NO WEEDING with Aquaponics!


As the X-Ray tech walked down the aisle to say the marriage
vows with a former patient, a co-worker Nurse whispered to
a doctor seated next to her, 
"Wonder what she saw in him?"





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

The personnel office received an email requesting a listing
of the department staff broken down by age and sex. The
personnel office sent this reply:

"Attached is a list of our staff.  We currently have no one
broken down by age or sex. However, we have a few alcoholics."



» Yard Deer




Today, June 7, in
1494 Spain and Portugal divided the new lands they had 
 discovered between themselves.
1498 Christopher Columbus left on his third voyage of 
 exploration.
1654 Louis XIV was crowned king of France.
1712 The Pennsylvania Assembly banned the importation of 
 slaves.
1775 The United Colonies changed their name to the United States.
1776 Richard Henry Lee of Virginia proposed to the Continental 
 Congress a resolution calling for a Declaration of Independence.
1863 Mexico City was captured by French troops.
1892 J.F. Palmer patented the cord bicycle tire.
1900 Boxer rebels cut the rail links between Peking and 
 Tientsin in China.
1903 Professor Pierre Curie revealed the discovery of Polonium.
1929 The sovereign state of Vatican City came into existence 
 as copies of the Lateran Treaty were exchanged in Rome.
1932 Over 7,000 war veterans marched on Washington, DC, 
 demanding their bonuses.
1939 King George VI and his wife, Queen Elizabeth, arrived 
 in the U.S. It was the first visit to the U.S. by a 
 reigning British monarch.
1942 The Battle of Midway ended. The sea and air battle lasted 
 4 days. Japan lost four carriers, a cruiser, and 292 aircraft, 
 and suffered 2,500 casualties. The U.S. lost the Yorktown, 
 the destroyer USS Hammann, 145 aircraft, and suffered 307 
 casualties.
1942 Japan landed troops on the islands of Attu and Kiska in 
 the Aleutians. The U.S. invaded and recaptured the Alutians 
 one year later.
1944 Off of the coast of Normandy, France, the Susan B. Anthony 
 sank. All 2,689 people aboard survived.
1948 The Communists completed their takeover of Czechoslovakia.
1966 Sony Corporation unveiled its brand new consumer home videotape recorder. The black and white only unit sold for $995.
1965 In the U.S., the Gemini 4 mission was completed. The mission 
 featured the first spacewalk by an American.
1968 In Operation Swift Saber, U.S. Marines swept an area 10 miles 
 northwest of Danang in South Vietnam.
1981 Israeli F-16 fighter-bombers destroyed Iraq’s only 
 nuclear reactor.
1983 The U.S. ordered Nicaragua to close all six of its consulates 
 and informed 21 Nicaraguan consular officials that they could 
 no longer remain in the U.S.
2000 U.S. Federal Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ordered the 
 breakup of Microsoft Corporation. Microsoft appealed.
2013  smiled

Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, June 6

Today, in 1944 The D-Day invasion of Europe took place 
on the beaches of Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied 
Canadian, American and British troops were involved.
Thanks to those brave troops we have a Free Enterprise
system, instead of what Hitler wanted.


Send me pictures of YOUR wheels, or dream wheels!

Here is Anthony's Landrover

Hi Webby,
These are my wheels :) It is a 2007 Landrover Defender with 
a set of BFGoodrich KM2 Mud Terrains.

Really enjoy your daily newsletter, been receiving it for 
more than a decade.
Anthony from Malta/Europe

Thanks 
Anthony!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the 
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




I went to a fight the other night, 
and a hockey game broke out.
--- Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004) 

Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent.
--- Langston Coleman

Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
-- Alfred E. Newman

If knowledge can create problems, it is not through
ignorance that we can solve them.
-- Isaac Asimov


At the end of the college year, a star football player celebrated
the relaxation of team curfew by attending a late night campus
party.

Soon after arriving, he became captivated by a beautiful young
thing and eased into a conversation with her by asking if she
met many dates at parties.

"Oh, I have a 3.9, so I'm much more attracted to the strong
academic types than to dumb party animals," she said. "What's
your G.P.A.?"

Grinning from ear to ear, the jock boasted, "I get about 27 in
the city and 38 on the highway."

Daffinitions:

SALESMAN -- man with ability to convince wife she'd look
fat in mink.

CANNIBAL -- person who likes to see other people stewed.

EGOCENTRIC -- a person who believes he is everything you
know you are.

MAGAZINE -- bunch of printed pages that tell you what's
coming in the next issue.

COLLEGE: The four-year period when parents are permitted
access to the telephone.

EMERGENCY NUMBERS: Police station, fire department and
places that deliver.

OPERA: When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of
bleeding he sings for half an hour.

BUFFET: A French word that means "Get up and get it yourself."

BABY-SITTER: A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so
that the adults who are out can behave like teen-agers.

TRAFFIC LIGHT -- apparatus that automatically turns red when
your car approaches.

PIONEER -- early American who was lucky enough to find his
way out of the woods.

PEOPLE -- some make things happen, some watch things happen,
and the majority have no idea what's happened.

SELF-CONTROL -- the ability to eat only one peanut.

TATTOO: Permanent proof of temporary insanity.
  

Hardware Diagnostics
If you are not sure, that the problem is messed up software,
get the Microscope V16 Software Hardware Diagnostics
With Over 250 Proprietary Functions. 
That's what the Pro's use to quickly determine what
needs to be replaced or upgraded.


As a distinguished matron approached the church entrance, a
little boy stepped aside and held the door for her.

"What a polite little doorman," she said as she walked
through. "Is there a tip involved?"

"Oh, no," answered the young man. "My mother taught me never
to be good for money, but always to be good for nothing."


Thanks to Robert for this one:
The new  Miss Kentucky.
The picture that will haunt her for the rest of her life:
 
Make-up and hair style ................... $500
New dress for the show ...................$700
Giant stuffed bear ........................... $100
 
Not knowing how to hold the bear with a corded
microphone in her hand..........Priceless!!!


Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Gerardo Perez, 50, Chicago, Ill

Jailed for Smashing Kitten To Death When 
Boyfriend Tried To Break Off Relationship

Reported by The Weekly Vice
Anaeli DeJesus, a 23-year-old Massachusetts bonehead, was 
jailed Thursday after she allegedly killed a 6-week-old 
kitten because her boyfriend tried to break up with her.

According to Lawrence police, officers were dispatched to 
the home of Roberto Jordan after receiving a report that 
a 6-week-old kitten had been killed during an argument between 
Jordan and his girlfriend, Anaeli DeJesus.

Investigators say DeJesus became angry when Jordan attempted 
to end their relationship. In retaliation, DeJesus picked up 
a 6-week-old kitten and violently smashed it against a wall. 
The kitten dropped to the floor and shook until it passed away.

DeJesus then packed up the couple's dog, various recording 
equipment, a computer and several video games before fleeing 
to a residence on Gale St.

When officers arrived at the Gale St. residence and asked 
DeJesus if she knew why they were there, DeJesus allegedly 
told them it was because she had killed a kitten.

DeJesus and Jordan share a 1-year-old child together and 
DeJesus is now pregnant with their second baby.

DeJesus was booked into jail and charged with animal cruelty.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Lilly
Re: Spreadsheets

Dear Webby
Which spreadsheet do you recommend?
Everybody seems fanatic about their favorite, but
they can't explain why. Hope you can!
Lilly

Dear Lilly
The big two are Quattro from Corell Office (used to be
Word perfect office and before that Borland Quattro),
and Microsoft Excel.
Less popular and not quite as good is Open Office Calc
and the Google Docs Online Spreadsheets.

Quattro and Calc will pick up spreadsheets started by other
formats. Excel will pick up a few formats.

The Google Online Spreadsheet is handy, if you need access
to a VERY BASIC spreadsheet from different locatons and don't
want to be bothered with up and downloading it into different
machines. However, it is still VERY limited. Forget fancy 
graphs or formatting or layered spreadsheets. They are free.

Also free is Open Office Calc. Calc is very popular in Europe
and Asia, and is slowly getting to be very close to Microsoft 
Excel. You can do most spreadsheet work with Calc, and it is 
free.

Excel has been battling with Quattro since the 80's. 
In the 2000's they diverged slightly, with Excel focusing on
entry level ease of use, and Quattro remaining the heavy duty
spreadsheet for the corporate office. That does not mean Quattro
is difficult to use. It just goes further into complicated 
or difficult stuff. Both have layered spredsheets since the
mid 90's. You can for example have separate spreadsheets for
each month in layers, and then a top layer,where you pull
results from each month. That "Drilling Down" might not be
necessary for what you want to do, but it is handly to have.

For fancy graphs Quattro goes a bit further. 
You can, though, use a simple Excel spreadsheeet for 
accumulating data, then import that into Quattro for the
corporate analysis stuff and fancy presentation graphs.

That seems to be the norm in business in North America, 
however, i have never understood, why they don't use Calc
for the entry level and data input, like they do in Europe
and Asia.

If you want a reasonably good but free spreadsheet, get
Open Office. Calc is included.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Grass Stain Remover
For a cheap grass stain remover that truly works, combine 
equal portions of white vinegar, liquid dish washing soap, 
and water. Shake well and work the solution into the spot. 
Let stand a few minutes and then launder as usual. 

It also works on fruit or beverage stains. This got all 
of the grass stains out of my son's light colored pants. 
I will never buy expensive stain removers again!

Source: The Queen of Clean by Linda Cobb

By Windchime from Maple Falls, WA 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

An elderly couple, Marty and Helen, along with some friends agreed to try a Thai Restaurant. While looking at the menu, Helen
noticed her husband looking at the vegetarian section of the menu. "What would you like Marty?"
she asked. 


"I'm looking at this Eggplant Spicy dish." He replied.

"Marty, you like meat and potatoes. You won't like that dish." 
Helen said.

"What do you know," answered Marty, "I'm getting it."

"Marty, I'm telling' you, you are a meat and potatoes 
kind of guy. You won't like it!" Helen exclaimed.

"I'm getting it and that is the last word!" says Marty.

A short while later the meals arrive at the table. 
Marty looks down and his dish and says to Helen, 
"Where are my eggs?"

Have I got a deal for you!
Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97!

  

What's Aquaponics? It's top secret technology some pros use
to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two 
to ten times the crop per square foot? 
Yes, it sure is!

It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces
all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that 
clean that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish.
Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal!

You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book
tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes
and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs.

If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab
Aquaponics, while it is on sale!
AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books!

NO WEEDING with Aquaponics!


An airliner is coming into land at an airport obscured by fog. 
Visibility is practically nil, the radar system is on the blink, 
so the pilot has to land on wits alone. 

"Flaps, check," he says to the co-pilot, 
"Landing Gear, check. 
Altitude, check. 
Right, we're going in. HANG ON!" 

The plane lands and comes to a screeching, grinding halt,
just short of the edge of the runway. 
"Holy Cow!" exclaims the pilot, 
"This must be the shortest runway I've ever landed on!" 

The co-pilot looks left and right and says 
"Yeah, and about the widest, too."





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Two rednecks were driving a semi down a road when they came 
to a viaduct. The sign said 10 feet zero inches, so they got 
out to measure their truck. Unfortunately, the truck was just 
over 11 feet high. 

They didn't know what to do, when finally one of them 
looked both directions and said, "I don't see any cops, 
let's go for it!" 


» Yard Deer




Today, June 6, in
1674 Sivaji crowned himself King of India.
1813 The U.S. invasion of Canada was halted at 
 Stony Creek, Ontario.
1882 The first electric iron was patented by H.W. Seely.
1924 The German Reichtag accepted the Dawes Plan. It was 
 an American plan to help Germany pay off its war debts.
1925 Chrysler Corporation was founded by Walter Percy Chrysler.
1932 In the U.S., the first federal tax on gasoline went into 
 effect. It was a penny per gallon.
1933 In Camden, NJ, the first drive-in movie theater opened.
1936 The first helicopter was tested in a building in Berlin, Germany.
1941 The U.S. government authorized the seizure of foreign ships 
 in U.S. ports.
1942 The first nylon parachute jump was made by Adeline Gray 
 in Hartford, CT.
1944 The D-Day invasion of Europe took place on the beaches 
 of Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied American, British and 
 Canadian troops were involved.
1968 U.S. Senator Robert F. Kennedy died at 1:44am in Los 
 Angeles after being shot by Sirhan Sirhan. Kennedy was was 
 shot the evening before while campaigning for the Democratic 
 presidential nomination.
1982 Israel invaded southern Lebanon in an effort to drive 
 PLO guerrillas out of Beirut.
1985 The U.S. Senate authorized nonmilitary aid to the Contras. 
 The vote authorized $38 million over two years.
1993 Mongolia held its first direct presidential elections.
2005 The United States Supreme Court ruled that federal 
 authorities could prosecute sick people who smoke marijuana 
 on doctor's orders. The ruling concluded that state medical 
 marijuana laws did not protect uses from the federal ban.
2013  smiled

Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, June 5

Send me pictures of YOUR wheels, or dream wheels!
Here is Cookie's 1955 T-Bird


Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the 
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




To err is human, but to really foul things up 
requires a computer.
--- Farmers' Almanac, 1978


While working in the psychology department at 
Glen Oaks Community College in Centreville, MI, 
I was asked to enlarge a chart for a
Meeting. I called the copy room and asked,

"Can I get something blown up down there?"

After a pause the voice on the line replied,

"I think you want the chemistry lab."



The case concerned a will and Kelly was a witness.

"Was the deceased," asked the attorney, "In the habit of
talking to himself when he was alone?"

"I don't know," said the  Irishman.

"Come now man, you don't know and yet you pretend you
were intimately acquainted with the deceased?"

"Well, Mr. Lawyer," said Kelly, "I never happened to be
with him when he was alone. "
  

Hardware Diagnostics
If you are not sure, that the problem is messed up software,
get the Microscope V16 Software Hardware Diagnostics
With Over 250 Proprietary Functions. 
That's what the Pro's use to quickly determine what
needs to be replaced or upgraded.


Working as a cargo handler for a major package delivery
company, I came across an express envelope with shipping
instructions that puzzled me, particularly the line
describing the contents.

I finally realized the parcel contained some kind of manual
and was addressed to a church.  But at first I thought I
was processing one of our company's most momentous pieces
of freight.

The description read, "Instructions for the Assembly of God."




Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Gerardo Perez, 50, Chicago, Ill

Jailled for screwing dog in the pound

Reported by The Weekly Vice
Gerardo Perez, a 50-year-old Illinois bonehead, was jailed 
Saturday after he allegedly had sex with a pit bull while 
touring the local city pound.

According to police, Perez was found inside a cage with a 
white and grey pit bull after he entered a restricted area 
of the Chicago Animal Care and Control Facility and proceeded 
to have sex with the dog.

Perez was reportedly touring the facility with others when 
the incident took place. He was discovered by an employee 
who works at the facility.

Investigators say Perez was found on his hands and knees 
next to the dog and appeared to have just had sex with the 
animal. Perez then made statements to employees that 
supported their suspicions of his activity.

Perez was booked into jail and charged with felony sexual 
conduct with an animal and burglary.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Fran
Re: Portable Hard Drive

Dear Webby
How difficult is it to connect a portable hard drive to an
XP computer? And how do you do it?
Fran

Dear Fran
Not difficult at all.
You plug it into a USB port, Windows recognizes it as a
new device the first time you do it.
If necessary Windows offers to install a driver for it.
After that, it simply shows as an additional hard drive.
Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Grass Stain Remover
For a cheap grass stain remover that truly works, combine 
equal portions of white vinegar, liquid dish washing soap, 
and water. Shake well and work the solution into the spot. 
Let stand a few minutes and then launder as usual. 

It also works on fruit or beverage stains. This got all 
of the grass stains out of my son's light colored pants. 
I will never buy expensive stain removers again!

Source: The Queen of Clean by Linda Cobb

By Windchime from Maple Falls, WA 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Mr. Goldblatt was known far and wide as a hard-nosed boss 
who watched his employees like a hawk. He was making one 
of his regular tours of the factory when he spotted a young 
man leaning against a pile of boxes just outside the foreman's 
office. Since George, the foreman, wasn't around, Goldblatt 
stood off to the side and watched to see just how long the 
young man would stand around doing nothing.

The young man yawned, scratched his head, looked at his 
watch, and sat on the floor. He took out a nail file and 
began cleaning his nails. Then he stretched, yawned again, 
and leaned back on the pile of boxes.

Goldblatt stepped from his hiding place and walked up to 
the young man. "You!" he boomed. "How much do you in a week 
make?"

The young man looked up indifferently. "Four hundred and fifty 
dollars," he said.

Goldblatt swooped into the cashier's office, took $450 from 
the cash box, and returned. "Take it," he said, "and get out! 
Don't let me see you around here again!"

The young man took the cash, put it in his pocket, and left.

Goldblatt snorted at his lack of remorse, embarrassment, or 
any other emotion. Then he went looking for George. When he 
found him, Goldblatt was red with anger. "That idler in front 
of your office," Goldblatt said. "I just gave him a week's 
pay and fired him. What's the matter with you, letting him 
stand around as though he had nothing to do?"

"You mean the kid in the red shirt?" George asked.

"Yes! The kid in the red shirt!"

"He was waiting for the two dollars we owe him for lunch," 
George said. "He works for the coffee shop around the 
corner."

Have I got a deal for you!
Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97!

  

What's Aquaponics? It's top secret technology some pros use
to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two 
to ten times the crop per square foot? 
Yes, it sure is!

It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces
all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that 
clean that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish.
Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal!

You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book
tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes
and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs.

If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab
Aquaponics, while it is on sale!
AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books!

NO WEEDING with Aquaponics!


Thanks to Bill for this story:
Our mom needed a new mattress for her antique bed, so my
brother, Josh, and I decided to buy her one as a gift. The
problem was we weren't sure what to get, because it was an
odd size. Fortunately, my brother happened to be visiting
my mother one day when I called home.

"Measure the bed frame before you leave," I told him.

"I don't have a tape measure."

"You can use a dollar bill," I suggested, "each one is six
inches long."

"Can't," he replied after digging through his wallet, "I
only have a ten."





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game.

The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and was
watching the action.  A substitute was put into the game, and
as he was running onto the field to take his position, the boy
said to his girlfriend, "Take a good look at the fellow.  I expect
him to be our best man next year."

His girlfriend snuggled closer and said to the surprised
young man, "That's the strangest way I ever heard of for
a fellow to propose to a girl.
Regardless of how you said it, I accept!"



» Dubai Miracle Garden




Today, June 5, in
1595 Henry IV's army defeated the Spanish at the Battle 
 of Fontaine-Francaise.
1752 Benjamin Franklin flew a kite for the first time to 
 demonstrate that lightning was a form of electricity.
1783 A hot-air balloon was demonstrated by Joseph and Jacques 
 Montgolfier. It reached a height of 1,500 feet.
1827 Athens fell to the Ottomans.
1917 American men began registering for the World War I draft.
1924 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson transmitted the first facsimile 
 message across the Atlantic Ocean.
1933 President Roosevelt signed the bill that took the U.S. off 
 of the gold standard.
1940 During World War II, the Battle of France began when Germany 
 began an offensive in Southern France.
1956 Premier Nikita Khrushchev denounced Josef Stalin to the 
 Soviet Communist Party Congress.
1967 The Six Day War between Israel and Egypt, Syria and Jordan began.
1975 Egypt reopened the Suez Canal to international shipping, 
 eight years after it was closed because of the 1967 war 
 with Israel.
1981 In the U.S., the Center for Disease Control and Prevention 
 reported that five men in Los Angeles were suffering from a 
 rare pneumonia found in patients with weakened immune systems. 
 They were the first recognized cases of what came to be 
 known as AIDS.
1986 A federal jury in Baltimore convicted Ronald W. Pelton of 
 selling secrets to the Soviet Union. Pelton was sentenced to 
 three life prison terms plus 10 years.
1998 A strike began at a General Motors Corp. parts factory 
 near Detroit, MI, that closed five assembly plants and idled 
 workers across the U.S. for seven weeks.
1998 Volkswagen AG won approval to buy Rolls-Royce Motor Cars 
 for $700 million, outbidding BMW's $554 million offer.
2013  smiled

Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, June 4

Thank you Fred!



Send me pictures of YOUR wheels, or dream wheels!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the 
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




An ounce of loyalty is worth a pound of cleverness.
--- Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)

Behold the turtle: He only makes progress
when he sticks his neck out.
--- James Bryant Conant


A good looking woman walked into an orchard and found a
lovely pool in it, and decided to go skinny-dipping. She
looked around, didn't see anyone, undressed and was just
about to dive in when the owner of the orchard appeared
from behind a bush and told her that swimming was
not allowed.

"You could have told me that before I undressed!" she
scolded him.

He replied, "Hey! You can sun tan all you want,
but swimming in my drinking water is not allowed."
  

Hardware Diagnostics
If you are not sure, that the problem is messed up software,
get the Microscope V16 Software Hardware Diagnostics
With Over 250 Proprietary Functions. 
That's what the Pro's use to quickly determine what
needs to be replaced or upgraded.


Mr. Schwartz was the oldest of 7 children, so he
had to quit school and work to help support his
younger brothers and sisters. He never learned to
read. So, when he married and started a checking account,
he signed his checks just, "XX".

He started his own business, which soon prospered.
He soon was a very rich man. One day, he got a
call from his bank. "Mr. Schwartz, I wanted to ask
you about this check. We weren't sure you had
really signed it. All these years, you've been signing
your checks, 'XX'; this one is signed with
three XXX's."

Mr. Schwartz answered, "Since I've become so
wealthy, my wife thought I ought to have a middle name!"




Click on the picture for the large version
It is too wet!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Tyler Deutsch, 25, Roy, Washington

Charged With Placing Baby In Freezer 
Before Taking Hour-Long Nap

Reported by The Weekly Vice
 Tyler Deutsch, a 25-year-old Washington man, was jailed 
Saturday after he allegedly placed his 6-week-old baby 
daughter in the freezer because he had grown tired of 
the child's crying and wanted to take a nap.

According to the Pierce County Sheriff's Office, 
deputies were dispatched to the couple's trailer home 
after Deutsch's girlfriend saw him remove the child 
from their freezer.

When deputies arrived at the couple's home and questioned 
Deutsch, he admitted to placing the baby girl into the 
freezer and then closing the door because she wouldn't 
stop crying. Deutsch then settled in for a little nap.

The child's mother, who was out running errands during 
the incident, returned to find Deutsch attempting to 
remove the child from the freezer before she walked into 
the residence.

When the mother attempted to call 911, Deutsch grabbed 
the phone away from her stating that he didn't want to 
get into trouble. The woman then ran out of the trailer 
home and alerted neighbors who called 911 for her.

The baby is believed to have been inside the freezer 
for about an hour before she was removed and her core 
temperature was about 84 degrees when arrived at the 
hospital. Doctors say the child will likely survive,  
but it is too soon to determine what health complications 
might persist since a baby's small size make it especially 
vulnerable to hypothermia and hypothermia related injury.

Prosecutors say the child also sustained two broken bones 
and a head injury during the incident, however, an 
explanation for those injuries has not yet been made 
available.

Deutsch was booked into the Pierce County Jail and charged 
with first-degree assault of a child, first-degree criminal
mistreatment and first-degree interfering with the reporting 
of domestic violence. His bail has been set at $1 million.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: George
Re: Sticky Keys

Dear Webby,
My son has a problem with Sticky Keys! What is the best
way to get rid of Sticky Keys? And lock them out?
George

Dear George
Hitting the SHIFT, CTRL or ALT key 5 times turns sticky
keys on or off. To permanetly turn them off, go to the
Control Panel, and click on the Ease of Access line.
Click on the Change how Your Keyboard Works.
By default, under the Make It Easier to Type section, 
most of the items should be unchecked.
Click on the Set Up Sticky Keys link to reach the 
configuration screen.
On this screen, you want to uncheck the Turn on Sticky Keys 
when SHIFT Is Pressed Five Times box. That will prevent 
Windows from asking if you want to turn the feature on.

Hit OK a few times to get out of that, and it is done.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Credit Cards on Vacation
Call your credit card company(ies) before you leave. 
Let them know where you're headed and what kind of 
purchases you are likely to be making outside your 
normal spending pattern. This ensures they know your 
card hasn't been stolen, so they won't potentially 
freeze your account while they investigate.

By sooz 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note
of caution: "I should warn you. . .you may not want to try
these techniques at home."

"Why not?" asked someone from the back of the audience.

"Well, I speak from personal experience," the expert explained.

"For years, I watched my wife's routine at breakfast. She
made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and
cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time.

"So finally one day I made a suggestion: 'Hon,' I said,
'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"

The voice from the back persisted, "And didn't that save
time?"

The expert replied, "Actually, yes. It used to take her
20 minutes to get breakfast ready.
Now I do it in seven."

Have I got a deal for you!
Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97!

  

What's Aquaponics? It's top secret technology some pros use
to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two 
to ten times the crop per square foot? 
Yes, it sure is!

It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces
all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that 
clean that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish.
Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal!

You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book
tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes
and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs.

If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab
Aquaponics, while it is on sale!
AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books!

NO WEEDING with Aquaponics!


One evening I was driving my six-year-old daughter to her   
grandparents' home for an overnight stay. It was late,   
there was little traffic and we were enjoying a peaceful   
ride. It was a far cry from the usual chaos surrounding   
us when I drive her to various activities during rush hour.   

My daughter seemed deep in thought when she said, "I have   
a question."   

"What do you want to know?"   

"Mom, when you're driving," she asked, "are you ever the   
idiot?"   





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

A University of Alabama football player was visiting a Yankee
relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and
met a pretty co-ed.  He was attempting to start up a conversation
with the line, "Where does you go to school?"  The coed, of course,
was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, but
did answer his question.

"Yale," she replied.

The UA student took a big, deep breath and shouted,
"WHERE DOES YOU GO TO SCHOOL?"



» Raised Beds




Today, June 4, in
1615 The fortress of Osaka, Japan, fell to shogun Ieyasu 
 after a six month siege.
1647 The British army seized King Charles I and held him 
 as a hostage.
1674 Horse racing was prohibited in Massachusetts.
1717 The Freemasons were founded in London.
1784 Marie Thible became the first woman to fly in 
 a hot-air balloon. The flight was 45 minutes long and 
 reached a height of 8,500 feet.
1792 Captain George Vancouver claimed Puget Sound for Britain.
1794 British troops captured Port-au-Prince, Haiti.
1805 Tripoli was forced to conclude peace with U.S. after 
 conflicts over tribute.
1878 Turkey turned Cyprus over to Britain.
1911 Gold was discovered in Alaska's Indian Creek.
1919 The U.S. Senate passed the Women's Suffrage bill.
1931 The first rocket-glider flight was made by 
 William Swan in Atlantic City, NJ.
1935 "Invisible" glass was patented by Gerald Brown 
 and Edward Pollard.
1939 The first shopping cart was introduced by Sylvan 
 Goldman in Oklahoma City, OK. It was actually a folding 
 chair that had been mounted on wheels.
1940 The British completed the evacuation of 300,000 
 troops at Dunkirk, France.
1942 The Battle of Midway began. It was the first major 
 victory for America over Japan during World War II. 
 The battle ended on June 6 and ended Japanese 
 expansion in the Pacific.
1944 The U-505 became the first enemy submarine 
 captured by the U.S. Navy.
1944 During World War II, the U.S. Fifth Army 
 entered Rome, which began the liberation of the Italian capital.
1954 French Premier Joseph Laniel and Vietnamese Premier 
 Buu Loc initialed treaties in Paris giving 
 "complete independence" to Vietnam.
1960 The Taiwan island of Quemoy was hit by 500 
 artillery shells fired from the coast of Communist China.
1974 The Cleveland Indians had "Ten Cent Beer Night". 
 Due to the drunken and unruly fans the Indians 
 forfeited to the Texas Rangers.
1985 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a lower court ruling 
 striking down an Alabama law that provided for a 
 daily minute of silence in public schools.
1989 In Beijing, Chinese army troops stormed Tiananmen 
 Square to crush the pro-democracy movement. It is 
 believed that hundreds, possibly thousands, of 
 demonstrators were killed.
2008 The United Kingdom and Canada became the first 
 countries to be able to buy and rent films at the 
 iTunes Store. 
2013  smiled

Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, June 3

Thank you Attila!

Lillemor sent me a link to an interesting article on Forbes 
about the end of Gullible Warming. 


To The Horror Of Global Warming Alarmists, Global Cooling 
Is Here - Forbes

Did somebody actually pay attention to what I have been 
writing about that for a dozen years?

Now watch the "Ice Age Is Coming" alarmists coming out of 
the woodwork! 

Since the drastic increase in wheat fuel (CO2) production
had no influence on climate, and since atmospheric CO2 was
just an indicator of something else, like I had writen dozens 
of times, we can now all go back to muscle cars and having 
fun!

Like this guy!


Send me pictures of YOUR wheels, or dream wheels!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the 
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Anything too stupid to be said is sung.
--- Voltaire (1694 - 1778)


There was this 35 year old couple who had been married
for ten years. They had a healthy and giving marriage.
One morning the wife said, "I wish I was six again."

What the wife didn't know was that her husband had
heard her while shaving in the bathroom. So at
breakfast he told his wife, "Change in plans, let's
take a break from spring cleaning today and go out."

Surprised, his wife agreed. First he took her to the
movies to see a sobby romance film she had been dying
to see. Next, they went to a rollerblading park and
skated for hours. Afterwards, the husband took his wife
to a carnival, that was in town for the week. They rode the
Ferris wheel and bought some cotton candy and He even
won her an unreasonably oversized stuffed animal. After
the carnival, they went for ice-cream and a sub.

That night in bed her husband said, "So, how did it
feel to be six again?"

His wife replied somewhat confused, "Oh you silly idiot!
This morning I meant my dress size!"
  

Hardware Diagnostics
If you are not sure, that the problem is messed up software,
get the Microscope V16 Software Hardware Diagnostics
With Over 250 Proprietary Functions. 
That's what the Pro's use to quickly determine what
needs to be replaced or upgraded.


A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his
voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you
Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500
American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10
pints of Guinness back-to-back." The room is quiet and
no one takes up the Texan's offer.

One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same
gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on
the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the
Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10
pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into
all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-
back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in
amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya
don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30
minutes you were gone?".

The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down
the street to see if I could do it first".



Sorry re all the requests for lots more pictures of the 
Calgary Stampede Princesses. The only other one I got is
this one, from just before I asked Catherine to tilt up
het hat to get sunshine onto her face.

Click on the picture for the large version
Catherine Morneau and two other princesses

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Anthony Berry, 57, Lake Worth, Florida

Charged With Sexually Assaulting Door

Reported by The Weekly Vice
Anthony Berry, a 57-year-old Lake Worth man, was jailed Monday 
after he allegedly had sex with a door that belonged to a 
local business.

According to Lantana Police, officers were dispatched at 
around 2:00 p.m. when an employee at a local business called 
to report that a man was masturbating himself up against the 
front doors of the building.

The employee reportedly used her iPhone to capture the action 
as Berry exposed his penis and began jiggy-jamming the door.

Investigators say Berry then proceeded to a nearby bus stop, 
sat on the bench and basked in his short-lived afterglow. 
Officers arrived on the scene and took Berry and his penis 
into custody.

Berry was booked into the Palm Beach County Jail and charged 
with lewd or lascivious exhibition. He was released two 
hours later.

According to court records, this is at least his 32nd arrest 
since 1979. He has been arrested on an array of charges, 
including cocaine possession, trespassing, robbery, and 
sexual assault. 

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Helen
Re: Get rid of Delta search

Dear Webby,
I love your newsletter and look forward to getting it every 
day.  I have learned a lot and smiled a lot.
 
I hope you can advise me, because I have a very unique problem:
 
I use Windows XP SP3. I have Firefox as my browser of choice.  
I open the browser and search.  Everything is fine.  If I open 
a second browser tab, it goes to Delta Search.  Of course I 
ignore it and use Bing or Google in the taskbar search area.
 
I have researched this for several months.  I have followed every 
suggestion and it still will not go away.  Nothing can find it.  
I have run: 
ü  MalwareBites 
ü  CrapCleaner 
ü  Spybot 
ü  Avast
ü  HiJackThis
ü  Zsoft Uninstaller
ü  RootKillerKit
ü  RevoUninstallerPro
ü  RegistryCleaner
ü  Checked in FireFox Add-ons, and Plug-ins
ü  Checked in “Manage Search Engines List”
ü  Cleaned Cookies, temp files, & cache
ü  Checked Control Panel “add/remove programs”
 
It did not show up in any of the above searches. 
(I have also used IE and it also comes up on 
the second browser tab.)
 
Everything on the internet makes it seem like an easy task, 
but as you can see, it is hidden “where the sun don’t shine”.
Helen

Dear Helen
type in "about:config" in the url 

accept "I'll be careful I promise" 

type in "new tab browser" 

find the delta search bogus garbage, 
and double click the url link. 

replace it with what ever you like, google, yahoo, bing, 
about:blank, whatever you want.

After that everything will be the way it should be. 

That will clean that uninvited nuisance off your machine. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Water Down Dish Detergent To Save Money
I keep a dish detergent dispenser on the sink. When I refill it, 
I fill it with about 1/3 water and the rest with soap. I shake a 
little to mix. I find it works just as well as full strength 
detergent. Half of the time my family uses too much anyway and 
the detergent is a little too thick for me. Saves quite a bit 
on soap.

By Barbara from Park Ridge, IL

Using a shampoo style pump dispenser also helps to regulate
dish soap usage. AND, they don't leak and get sticky.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com





Have I got a deal for you!
Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97!

  

What's Aquaponics? It's top secret technology some pros use
to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two 
to ten times the crop per square foot? 
Yes, it sure is!

It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces
all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that 
clean that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish.
Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal!

You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book
tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes
and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs.

If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab
Aquaponics, while it is on sale!
AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books!

NO WEEDING with Aquaponics!


Anni and Wendy rented a boat and fished in a lake every
day. On this particular day they caught over 50 fish.  Anni
turned to Wendy said, "Mark this spot so that we can come
back here tomorrow."

The next day when they were driving to rent the boat, Anni
said, "You did you mark the spot, right?"

Wendy replied, "Yeah, I painted a big X on the floor 
of the boat."

Anni said, "You fool! What if we don't get that 
same boat today?" 





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

A young lady was describing to her grandfather her experience   
at the theater the preceding evening. "Why, I was really   
shocked," the young girl said. "Everybody in the place was   
making out."   

"Making out? What in the world is that?" her grandpa asked.   

"It's the same thing you called necking, Grandpa."   

"Maybe so," Grandpa replied. "But now I call it reminiscing." 



» Ingomar Club (aka The Carson Mansion)




Today, June 3, in
1098 Christian Crusaders of the First Crusade seized 
 Antioch, Turkey.
1539 Hernando De Soto claimed Florida for Spain.
1621 The Dutch West India Company received a charter 
 for New Netherlands (now known as New York).
1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tripoli was 
 completed in the captain's cabin on board the USS Constitution.
 Libya did not stop being a problem.
1851 The New York Knickerbockers became the first 
 baseball team to wear uniforms.
1856 Cullen Whipple patented the screw machine.
1918 The Finnish Parliament ratified its treaty 
 with Germany.
1923 In Italy, Benito Mussolini granted women the 
 right to vote.
1937 The Duke of Windsor, who had abdicated the 
 British throne, married Wallis Warfield Simpson.
1952 A rebellion by North Korean prisoners in the 
 Koje prison camp in South Korea was put down by 
 American troops.
1965 Edward White became the first American astronaut 
 to do a "space walk" when he left the Gemini 4 capsule.
1970 Har Gobind Khorana and colleagues announced the 
 first synthesis of a gene from chemical components.
1989 Chinese army troops positioned themselves to begin a 
 sweep of Beijing to crush student-led pro-democracy 
 demonstrations in Tiananmen Square.
1999 Slobodan Milosevic's government accepted an 
 international peace plan concerning Kosovo. NATO 
 announced that airstrikes would continue until 
 40,000 Serb forces were withdrawn from Kosovo.
2013  smiled

Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, June 2

Thank you Dr Bill!

Thank you Jeris!

Saturday we had our annual parade.
They marshalled on the other side of the soccer field, and 
a bunch of bands tuned up on the soccer field. This was the
view from the office window:


More pictures of the parade further down.

The Saskatoon bushes are in full bloom now:




It was a bit too windy for bees, but the blooms usually stay
lit until they have been found by bees. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the 
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




"My father says, 'Marry a girl who has the same belief as   
the family.' I said, 'Dad, why would I marry a girl who   
thinks I'm a schmuck?'" 
---Adam Sandler 

People want economy and they will pay any price to get it.
--- Lee Iacocca


Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and   
baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father   
stork is trying to calm him.   

"Don't worry, son. Your mother will come back. She's only   
bringing people babies and making them happy."   

The next night, it's father's turn to do the job. Mother   
and son are sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying.   

The mother is saying, "Son, your father will be back as   
soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies   
and daddies."   

A few days later, the stork's parents are desperate: their   
son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn,   
he returns and the parents ask him where he's been all   
night.   

The baby stork says, "Aw, Nowhere. Just scaring the heck   
out of college students!"   
  

Hardware Diagnostics
If you are not sure, that the problem is messed up software,
get the Microscope V16 Software Hardware Diagnostics
With Over 250 Proprietary Functions. 
That's what the Pro's use to quickly determine what
needs to be replaced or upgraded.


A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the   
letter "R" and all the other kids were, of course, teasing   
him about it.   

To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice   
at home: "Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting   
the rabbit so rare."  In class a few days later, the teacher   
asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud.   

The boy nervously eyed his classmates - many of them already   
laughing at him - then replied, "Bob gave Dick a poke in the   
side because the bunny wasn't cooked enough."   



Click on the picture for the large version
Catherine Morneau, a Princess from the Calgary Stampede, 
the Cowboy world's equivalent of Miss Universe


Jim from the Hellshalfacres.com Turner Valley Oilfield Society, 
a long time hosting customer.


Our prime minister's wife usually rides in our parade. 
I think she was in this bunch, or one like it. She was born 
here and just fits in comfortably, no big fuss.


These guys mean business. Cowboys don't like cattle rustlers.
Unlike Obama's Marine honor guards, who have to take the 
bolts out of their guns, so that they can't shoot him, these
cowboys are fully armed. And you can bet they also have some
fairly long barreled revolvers within easy reach. 
They are not in the parade for security, just to show off
how well prepared they are to deal with rustlers on the range.
However, if somebody did try something improper, they got
enough ammo to deal with any emergency. And one even 
carried a sabre!


Quite the opposite were the Mini Horses. Kids go nuts
over them, and they get excellent hay mileage.


Mini donkeys


Politician in nicely polished antique car. 

I hope you enjoyed watching some highlights of the hour long parade.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Megan Garland,28, Milwaukee, WI

Teacher - Caught Having Sex With Student 
In School Parking Lot

Reported by The Smoking Gun
Megan Garland, a 28-year-old science teacher at Messmer 
High School, was jailed after she was allegedly caught 
having sex with a 14-year-old student outside a school 
event at another high school.

According to police, an adult attending a school event at 
Destiny High School in north Milwaukee became suspicious 
after noticing a car in the parking lot with fogged up 
windows.

The adult opened the car door and found Garland inside the 
vehicle performing a sex act on a 14-year-old student.

Garland and the teen were detained at the scene until police 
arrived, however, Garland cut herself in a failed attempt of 
suicide after her activity with the teen was discovered.

Garland was taken to a local hospital for treatment and then 
charged with second-degree sex assault of a child under the 
age of 16.

During the investigation, police learned of a second potential 
victim that Garland may have had sexual contact with. 
Charges have not yet been filed in that case.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Bill
Re: Get rid of Zone Alarm search

Dear Webby,
I downloaded an update for Shockwave and Foxit Reader two 
days ago. Since then, when I open Firefox, I get a 
http://search.zonealarm.com/ page. In my options, I have 
set "open with blank page". My "home page" is also blank.

How can I get rid of http://search.zonealarm.com/?
Thanks.
Bill

Hi Bill
Your machine seems to be infected with ZoneAlarm.
From what I read while searching for an easy solution for you, 
some people have, once upon a time, long, long ago, signed up 
for a free version of Zone Alarm, and totally forgot, that 
they elbowed the AGREE, without reading the 27 pages of 
small print.
Apparently somewhere in there, they agreed to automatic 
updates. ZoneAlarm used that back-door to sneak in that 
crappy nuisance.

Most likely the same happened with you.
Well, a lot of people got conned into it, and there is good 
info on the net for getting rid of that infection.
Here is one:

Totally uninstall Zone Alarm (the Windows FireWall does
everything nowadays, that Zone Alarm once promised):
If you don't have the Secure Uninstaller 
you can use the Revo Uninstaller.
Download and run the free version of Revo Uninstaller.
It is at http://www.revouninstaller.com/revo_uni ... nload.html

Select Zone Alarm and click Uninstall.
Set it to 'Advanced' and click Scan.
Revo will do this:
Step 1. Create restore point.
Step 2. Run the official Zone Alarm uninstaller.
Step 3. When uninstaller finishes, click Scan in Revo 
and it will search for remnants (make sure it is set to 
Advanced). Delete everything found (Select All, Delete All).
Reboot if asked to. 

That will clean that uninvited nuisance off your machine. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use a Marble Inside Spray Bottles
When at the bottom of a spray bottle's contents and nothing 
comes out but foam, just drop in a marble. Every last bit 
of cleaner will be used up. Sometimes I drop in the marble 
when I first use the cleaner. It works every time.

By Janette

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Have I got a deal for you!
Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97!

  

What's Aquaponics? It's top secret technology some pros use
to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two 
to ten times the crop per square foot? 
Yes, it sure is!

It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces
all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that 
clean that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish.
Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal!

You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book
tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes
and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs.

If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab
Aquaponics, while it is on sale!
AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books!

NO WEEDING with Aquaponics!


There was a farmer who sold a pound of butter to the baker. One day the
baker decided to weigh the butter to see if he was getting a pound and
he found that he was not. This angered him and he took the farmer to
court. 

The judge asked the farmer if he was using any measure. The farmer
replied, your Honor, I am primitive. I don't have a proper measure, but
I do have a scale." 

The judge asked, "Then how do you weigh the butter?" 

The farmer replied "Your Honor, long before the baker started buying
butter from me, I have been buying a pound loaf of bread from him. Every
day when the baker brings the bread, I put it on the scale and give him
the same weight in butter. If anyone is to be blamed, it is the baker."

------------------------
At one time bakers were hanged, if they sold underweight 
bread. A dozen rolls were supposed to weigh a pound. Since
they traditionally sold underweight, they tossed in an extra
roll, when they suspected, that the customer had a scale.
Ever since then, 13 has been called a "Baker's Dozen". 





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

Here is a real classic:
 After experiencing difficulties with his computer, a poor, incognizant
 user called the system maker's technical support line for assistance...
Technician: Hello. How can I help you today?

Customer: There's smoke coming from the power supply on my 
 computer.

Technician: Looks like you need a new power supply.

Customer: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup 
files.

Technician: Sir, what you described is a faulty power supply. 
You need to replace it.

Customer: No way! Someone told me that I just had to change 
the system startup files to fix the problem! All I need is 
for you to tell me the right command.

For the next ten minutes, in spite of the technician's 
efforts to explain the problem and its solution, the customer 
adamantly insisted that he was right. So, in frustration, 
the technician responded:

Technician: I'm sorry. We don't normally tell our customers 
this, but there's an undocumented command that should fix 
the problem.

Customer: I knew it!

Technician: Just add the line 'LOAD NOSMOKE.COM' at the end of
the autoexec.nt  file and everything should work fine. 
Let me know how it goes.

About ten minutes later, the technician received a call 
back from the customer.

Customer: It didn't work. The power supply is still 
smoking.

Technician: Well, what version of Windows are you using?

Customer: Windows NT

Technician: Well, that's your problem. That version 
of Windows doesn't  include NOSMOKE. You'll need to 
contact Microsoft and ask them for a  patch. Let me 
know how it all works out.

When nearly an hour had passed, the phone rang again.

Customer: I need a new power supply.

Technician: How did you come to that conclusion?

Customer: Well, I called Microsoft and told the technician
what you said,  and he started asking me questions about
the make of the power supply.

Technician: What did he tell you?

Customer: He said my power supply isn't compatible with
NOSMOKE.



» Rare Clouds




Today, June 2, in
1537 Pope Paul III banned the enslavement of Indians.
1774 The Quartering Act, which required American colonists 
to allow British soldiers into their houses, was reenacted.
1793 Maximillian Robespierre initiated the "Reign of Terror". 
 It was an effort to purge those suspected of treason 
 against the French Republic.
1851 Maine became the first U.S. state to enact a law 
 prohibiting alcohol.
1883 The first baseball game under electric lights was 
 played in Fort Wayne, Indiana.
1896 Guglieimo Marconi's radio was patented in the U.S.
1897 Mark Twain, at age 61, was quoted by the New York 
 Journal as saying "the report of my death was an 
 exaggeration." He was responding to the rumors that 
 he had died.
1924 All American Indians were granted U.S. citizenship 
 by the U.S. Congress.
1928 Nationalist Chiang Kai-shek captured Peking, China.
1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt accepted the 
first swimming pool to be built inside the White House.
1946 Italians voted by referendum to form a republic 
 instead of a monarchy.
1953 Elizabeth was crowned queen of England at 
 Westminster Abbey.
1954 U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that there 
 were communists working in the CIA and atomic weapons plants.
1966 Surveyor 1, the U.S. space probe, landed on the moon and 
 started sending photographs back to Earth of the Moon's 
 surface. It was the first soft landing on the Moon.
1969 Australian aircraft carrier Melbourne sliced the 
 destroyer USS Frank E. Evans in half off the shore of 
 South Vietnam.
1979 Pope John Paul II arrived in his native Poland on 
 the first visit by a pope to a Communist country.
1995 Captain Scott F. O'Grady's U.S. Air Force F-16C 
 was shot down by Bosnian Serbs. He was rescued six days later.
1998 Royal Caribbean Cruises agreed to pay $9 million to settle 
 charges of dumping waste at sea.
1998 Voters in California passed Proposition 227. The act 
 abolished the state's 30-year-old bilingual education program 
 by requiring that all children be taught in English.
2003 In Seville, Spain, a chest containing the supposed remains 
 of Christopher Columbus were exhumed for DNA tests to determine 
 whether the bones were really those of the explorer. The tests 
 were aimed at determining if Colombus was currently buried in 
 Spain's Seville Cathedral or in Santo Domingo in the Dominican 
 Republic.
2013  smiled

Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, June 1

Thank you Jeris!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the 
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers?
Have the people we've been bombing over the years
been complaining?
--- George Wallace


Caution! This story from Martin contains some words
in Australian, and might not be suitable for reading
from the church pulpit.

This Chinese man moved into his new home in Australia.
His Aussie neighbor, being the nice Aussie bloke that he
was, decided to make him feel welcome. He went next door
to wish him welcome.

He was shocked to see the Chinese man in his nice backyard
chasing ten chickens around like mad.
"Must be a Chinese custom" he thought to himself. Deciding
he could put off the welcome till a later date, he went home.

The next day, he decided he was going to welcome the
Chinese man When he looked through his window, he saw
the Chinese man urinate into a cup and drink it.
"Must be a Chinese custom" he thought to himself. Deciding
he could put off the welcome till tomorrow, he went on with
other stuff.

The third day, he was determined he had to welcome the
Chinese man. At his gate, he saw the Chinese man with his
ear pressed against a cow's big butt.

He became angry and went up to the Chinese man. "I'm sorry
sir, I want to wish you a welcome, but I cannot stand your
crazy Chinese customs!" He yelled in the Chinese man's face.

The Chinese man looked confused and answered.
"Solly sir, I think you awe mistaken. These awe
actually Austwalian customs. I was told, to become an
Austwalian, you have to chase chicks, get piss dwunk,
and lissen to boohll sheet."
  

Hardware Diagnostics
If you are not sure, that the problem is messed up software,
get the Microscope V16 Software Hardware Diagnostics
With Over 250 Proprietary Functions. 
That's what the Pro's use to quickly determine what
needs to be replaced or upgraded.


Thanks to Bob for this story:
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift.
One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said,
"I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"

"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her.

With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of
paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make
five "blank" copies.



Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Jennifer Morrow, 38, and Andrea Mobley, 36, Ocala, Florida

Women Busted After "Bucket List" Theft Of 
Swimsuits, Beef Jerky From Walmart

Reported by The Smoking Gun
Two women whose joint “bucket list” included stealing from 
a retail store were jailed Wednesday after being caught 
swiping bathing suits and beef jerky from a Walmart in Florida.

Jennifer Morrow, 38, and Andrea Mobley, 36, were collared 
for petty theft following their outing to an Ocala Walmart. 

he women are lifelong friends who had not seen each other 
in 15 years prior to recently reconnecting. For some reason, 
their reunion included a “bucket list” of things the duo 
wanted to accomplish while together, according to an 
Ocala Police Department report quoting the pair.

Morrow and Mobley are pictured in the above mug shots.
Morrow is the one, who looks like she feels she was
entitled to that beef jerkey, and it is YOUR fault
that she got caughts, and that she is going to make
YOU pay for that.

After being booked into the Marion County jail for 
misdemeanor theft, the women were each released on 
$250 bond. Cops say that Mobley stashed the bathing 
suits in her purse, while Morrow ate the beef jerky 
as she walked through the store. The items were valued 
at $73.78.

The police report does not indicate what else was on 
the Morrow/Mobley “bucket list,” which investigators 
noted was "commonly a term used for a list of things 
to do before one dies."

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Ellie
Re: Picasa

Dear Webby,
I heard of a program called Picasa that helps store and sort
pictures, but don't know where I can get it.
Can you please tell me?
Ellie

Dear Ellie
You can download it from Download Picasa
It is free.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Less Ingredients When Baking 

When making cookies and squares, I never find that I need 
as many chocolate chips or nuts as the recipe calls for. 
Manufacturers are trying to sell their product. I don't 
believe in reducing the amount too much. By only putting 
in what is needed, I have reduced the fat content of the 
sweets and have some ingredients left over for the 
next batch. 

By Kathy

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Have I got a deal for you!
Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97!

  

What's Aquaponics? It's top secret technology some pros use
to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two 
to ten times the crop per square foot? 
Yes, it sure is!

It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces
all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that 
clean that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish.
Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal!

You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book
tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes
and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs.

If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab
Aquaponics, while it is on sale!
AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books!

NO WEEDING with Aquaponics!


>Thanks to Dave for this story
My father is a skilled CPA who is not great at self-promotion. So when
an advertising company offered to put my father's business placard in
the shopping carts of a supermarket, my dad jumped at the chance. Fully
a year went by before we got a call that could be traced to those
placards. 

"Richard Larson, CPA?" the caller asked.

"That's right," my father answered proudly. 
"May I help you?"

"Yes," the voice said. "One of your shopping carts is in 
my yard, and I want you to come and get it."





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

The whole neighborhood shook from the ear splitting explosion   
in a nearby Pharmacy. As 911 was called, shopkeepers ran   
outside to see what happened, people spotted the pharmacist   
staggering out of his smoldering building.   

His white uniform was now scorched black. He looked like   
Frankenstein. He went up to a shaken and shivering old lady   
standing nearby.   

"Lady!" he said, "Would you please ask your doctor to write   
that prescription again. And this time insist he better,   
PRINT IT!"   



» Rare Clouds




Today, June 1, in
1533 Anne Boleyn, Henry VIII’s new queen, was crowned.
1774 The British government ordered the Port of Boston closed.
1869 Thomas Edison received a patent for his electric 
 voting machine.
1877 U.S. troops were authorized to pursue bandits into Mexico
1915 Germany conducted the first zeppelin air raid over England.
1916 The National Defense Act increased the strength of the 
 U.S. National Guard by 450,000 men.
1921 A race riot erupted in Tulsa, OKlahoma. 85 people were 
 killed.
1935 The Ingersoll-Waterbury Company reported that it had 
 produced 2.5 million Mickey Mouse watches during its 
 2-year association with Disney.
1938 Baseball helmets were worn for the first time.
1939 The Douglas DC-4 made its first passenger flight from 
 Chicago to New York.
1941 The German Army completed the capture of Crete 
 as the Allied evacuation ended.
1942 The U.S. began sending Lend-Lease materials to the 
 Soviet Union.
1944 Siesta was abolished by the government of Mexico.
1958 Charles de Gaulle became the premier of France.
1963 Governor George Wallace vowed to defy an injunction 
 that ordered the integration of the University of Alabama.
1970 Zimbabwe came into existence. It was formerly known 
 as Rhodesia.
1998 A $124 million suit was brought against Goodyear Tire 
 & Rubber that alleged discrimination towards black workers.
2008 The Phoenix Mars Lander became the first NASA spacecraft 
 to scoop Martian soil.
2009 General Motors filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy. 
2013  smiled

Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, May 31.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the 
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
--- Anais Nin (1903 - 1977)

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow
why the things he predicted yesterday
didn't happen today.
--- Laurence J. Peter


Way down upon the Mississippi, two tugboat captains who had
been friends for years, would always scream "Aye!" and
furiously blow their whistles whenever they passed each
other.

A new crewman asked his boat's mate,
"What do they do that for?"

The Cajun mate looked surprised and replied, "You dumbo,
ya say you neva heard of...
'an aye for an aye and a toot for a toot'?"
  

Hardware Diagnostics
If you are not sure, that the problem is messed up software,
get the Microscope V16 Software Hardware Diagnostics
With Over 250 Proprietary Functions. 
That's what the Pro's use to quickly determine what
needs to be replaced or upgraded.


During a dinner party, the hosts' two little children entered
the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the
table.

The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended
nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. The
guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing
extraordinary was happening.

There was a moment of silence at the table, during which
the little girl was heard to say to her brother,
"You see, it *IS* vanishing cream!"



Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Jennifer Lowery, 35, West Haven, CT

Hoe Called Police Over Pimp 
While Attempting To Service John

Reported by The Weekly Vice
Jennifer Lowery, a 35-year-old West Haven woman, was jailed 
Sunday after she allegedly called police to complain about 
her pimp, then attempted to turn a quick trick while waiting 
for police to arrive.

According to police, officers were dispatched to a Super 8 
Motel in West Haven after Lowery called to report that her 
pimp was verbally harassing her.

When officers arrived on the scene, they were unable to 
locate the reported "pimp" but did find Jennifer in a motel 
room with a man who had just paid her $200 for sex.

When asked why she would be foolish enough to call police 
right before committing a crime, Lowery reportedly told 
investigators "I thought it would take police awhile to 
show up, so I figured I'd just turn a trick." 

The alleged john, identified as 60-year-old Richard Burford, 
appeared to be less than impressed by the whole ordeal in 
his mugshot.

Lowery was booked into jail and charged with prostitution. 
Burford was charged with patronizing a prostitute.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Rhonda
Re: Locate De-Sorted pictures

Dear Webby,
My not too bright hubby moved around all of my pictures
while I was away on a course. Instead of in twelve neat
category sub-folders in one folder, they are now all over
the computer, and most I can't even find! He says, at the
time his system made more sense to him, but even he
can't find most of them.
HELP! How do I get them back?
At least he didn't get W7, as he had threatened.
Rhonda

Dear Rhonda
Add another category folder and call it "UNSORTED".
Click on START, Search, and search for *.jpg

When the search is completed, open a Windows File
Explorer and line up your categories folder.
Then, back in the Search window, look for the VIEW Icon
on the top. It's the one with six dots in it and a pull-down
arrow beside it. Pull that down and select "Thumbnails".

Windows will start making a thumbnail for each picture.
If you have thousands of pictures, this will take some time.
Best is to not touch anything while it is doing this. Just
let it run until that task is completed.

Open a File Explorer beside it, and drag any of the pictures,
that look like they might be yours, over into the "UNSORTED"
folder. There might be a ton of useless crap like the silly
Incredimail footer doo-dads, and logos and footers from spam 
emails. You can delete those or ignore them.

Once you have all the keepers over in your "UNSORTED" foolder,
close the search window, 
and open the "UNSORTED" folder wide open.
Now you can drag the pictures from there into the 12 sorted 
folders.

Now you have the thumbnails on the right, and your twelve
category folders on the left, and you simply drag each
picture into the correct category.

This obviously is going to take some time. It will work
best if your hubby in the meantime cleans up the kitchen
and cooks meals, while you repair the damage.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Less Ingredients When Baking 

When making cookies and squares, I never find that I need 
as many chocolate chips or nuts as the recipe calls for. 
Manufacturers are trying to sell their product. I don't 
believe in reducing the amount too much. By only putting 
in what is needed, I have reduced the fat content of the 
sweets and have some ingredients left over for the 
next batch. 

By Kathy

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Have I got a deal for you!
Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97!

  

What's Aquaponics? It's top secret technology some pros use
to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two 
to ten times the crop per square foot? 
Yes, it sure is!

It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces
all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that 
clean that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish.
Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal!

You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book
tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes
and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs.

If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab
Aquaponics, while it is on sale!
AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books!

NO WEEDING with Aquaponics!


Thanks to Gina for this story:
Upset over a newlywed squabble with my husband, I went to
my mother to complain. Trying to console me, my dad said
that men are not all like this all the time.

"Nonsense," I said. "Men are good for only one thing!"

"Yes," my mother interjected, "but how often do you have to
parallel park?"





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

Thanks to Martin for this classic:
Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome.
One has a cross in front of him; the other one, the Star
of David. Many people go by and look at both beggars,
but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting
behind the cross.

A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving
money to the beggar behind the cross, but none give to the
beggar behind the Star of David.

Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star
of David and says, "My poor fellow, don't you understand?
This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism.
People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with
a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're
sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would
probably give to him just out of spite,"

The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest,
turned to the other beggar with the cross and said:
"Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers
about marketing."



» Rain Forest Creatures




Today, May 31, in
1433 Sigismund was crowned emperor of Rome.
1859 In London, Big Ben went into operation. 
1870 E.J. DeSemdt patented asphalt.
1884 Dr. John Harvey Kellogg patented "flaked cereal."
1889 In Johnstown, PA, more than 2,200 people died after 
 the South Fork Dam collapsed.
1900 U.S. troops arrived in Peking to help put down the 
 Boxer Rebellion.
1902 The Boer War ended between the Boers of South Africa 
 and Great Britain with the Treaty of Vereeniging.
1907 The first taxis arrived in New York City. They were 
 the first taxis in the United States.
1910 The Union of South Africa was founded.
1913 The 17th Amendment went into effect. It provided for 
 popular election of U.S. senators.
1915 A German zeppelin made an air raid on London.
1927 Ford Motor Company produced the last "Tin Lizzie" 
 in order to begin production of the Model A.
1947 Communists seized control of Hungary.
1961 South Africa became an independent republic.
1962 Adolf Eichmann was hanged in Israel. Eichmann was a 
 Gestapo official.
1970 An earthquake in Peru killed tens of thousands of people.
1974 Israel and Syria signed an agreement on the Golan Heights.
1977 The trans-Alaska oil pipeline was finished after 3 
 years of construction.
1979 Zimbabwe proclaimed its independence.
1994 The U.S. announced it was no longer aiming long-range 
 nuclear missiles at targets in the former Soviet Union.
1995 Bob Dole singled out Time Warner for "the marketing 
 of evil" in movies and music. Dole later admitted that he 
 had not seen or heard much of what he had been criticizing.
2003 In North Carolina, Eric Robert Rudolph was captured. 
 He had been on the FBI's 10 Most Wanted list for five years 
 for several bombings including the 1996 Olympic bombing.
2013  smiled

Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, May 30.

Had to go to the bank, 20 miles away, so of course I took
the car. While in the bank, some bozo backed into it and
crunched some plastic. A pretty lady watched him do it, 
get out and inspect the damage, and take off. 
She got the licence plate number. A Govt pick-up truck.

I did not look at the front of the car, when I came out 
of the bank, and took off, while that lady was busy scribbling
a note. So she chased me to the grocery store at the other 
end of town, and gave me the info, which I gave to the cops
later on. Now I'll have to get some estimates. 
Plastic for a 1991 Chrysler LeBaron is probably getting 
rather scarce, and could be expensive.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the 
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source.
--- Ron Nesen

Don't fight a problem, solve it!
--- Millard Fuller


A troop of Boy Scouts was being used as "guinea pigs" in a
test of emergency systems. A mock earthquake was staged,
and the Scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to
be picked up and cared for by the emergency units.

One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his
rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the
Scout lay "wounded" for several hours.

When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was
supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note: "Have
bled to death and gone to McDonalds to refill."
  

Hardware Diagnostics
If you are not sure, that the problem is messed up software,
get the Microscope V16 Software Hardware Diagnostics
With Over 250 Proprietary Functions. 
That's what the Pro's use to quickly determine what
needs to be replaced or upgraded.


At the construction site of a new church, the contractor
stopped to chat with one of his workmen.

"Paddy," he asked casually, "didn't you once tell me that
you had a brother who was a bishop?"

"That I did, sir."

"And you are a bricklayer!  It sure is a funny old world.
Things in life aren't divided equally, are they?"

"No, that they ain't sir," agreed Paddy, as he proudly slap-
ped the mortar along the line of bricks.  "My poor brother
is such a miserable klutz, he couldn't do this to save his life!"



Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Luis Briones, 25, Albuquerque, NM

He drove drunk while having sex, 
crashed, hid behind cactus

Thanks to Dianne for sending this in:
Reported by The Calgary TV News
 A New Mexico man faces multiple charges after police say 
he was having sex with a woman while driving drunk and 
crashed, ejecting the woman from the vehicle.

The Albuquerque Journal reports 25-year-old Luis Briones 
was found with one shoe on and his shorts on inside-out 
Monday night after he wrecked his Ford Explorer in 
Albuquerque.

Police say Briones' female passenger was found naked outside 
the sport utility vehicle after being ejected. She had deep 
cuts to her face and head.

Authorities allege Briones tried to drive away after the 
crash and abandon his passenger, but a witness grabbed his 
keys from the ignition. He also allegedly tried to hide 
from responding officers behind a cactus.

Briones is charged with aggravated driving while 
intoxicated, reckless driving and evading police.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Veronica
Re: quiet and washable keyboard

Dear Webby
I am a home care nurse and spend a large part of my time
"just being there" with terminally ill patients. I know some
of them are overly sensitive or just want to complain about
something, but the noise from my laptop when I write my
reports or whatever, caused a few complaints. Is there a
really quiet keyboard that I could use?
Janice

Dear Janice
Yes, there sure is!
The flexible Indestructible keyboard is totally quiet,
and you can safely disinfect or wash it without worrying
about damaging it. 

They are full size 52 cm (20") keyboards, but you can roll
them up to fit into a purse, or for cleaning, to fit into even
the smallest sink or disinfectant basin.

You can see them at http://grandtec.com/products-vik.html

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Safe and Effective Mosquito Repellent
A safe mosquito repellant is 2 ounces of water and 
2 ounces of pure vanilla extract. Put in a spray bottle. 
They "hate" the smell. Make sure you use pure vanilla 
extract and not imitation vanilla extract.

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Have I got a deal for you!
Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97!

  

What's Aquaponics? It's top secret technology some pros use
to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two 
to ten times the crop per square foot? 
Yes, it sure is!

It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces
all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that 
clean that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish.
Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal!

You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book
tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes
and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs.

If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab
Aquaponics, while it is on sale!
AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books!

NO WEEDING with Aquaponics!


David and Bernice had just given their teenage daughter 
family-car privileges. On Saturday night she returned home 
very late from a party. 

The next morning her father went out to the driveway to 
get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. 
At 11:30am the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, 
and her father asked her, "Sarah, what time did you get 
in last night?"

"Not too late, Dad." she replied nervously.

Dead-panned, her father said, "Then I'll have to talk with 
the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire 
of the car."





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

A father from Eastern Europe is visiting his son in America
for the very first time. They are at the local supermarket
going up and down the aisles.

Dad: "Vas diss, powdered orange juice?"

Son: "Yeah, Dad. You just add a little water, and you
have fresh orange juice!"

A few minutes later, in a different aisle the father
says: "Und vas dis, powdered milk?"

Son: "Yeah, Dad. You just add a little water, and you
have fresh milk!"

A few minutes later, in a different aisle the father
says: "Und give look here. Baby Powder! Vat a country!
Dey take da fun outta making everyting!"



» Rain Forest Creatures




Today, May 29, in
1416 Jerome of Prague was burned as a heretic by the Church.
1431 Joan of Arc was burned at the stake in Rouen, France, 
 at the age of 19.
1527 The University of Marburg was founded in Germany.
1539 Hernando de Soto, the Spanish explorer, landed in Florida 
 with 600 soldiers to search for gold.
1814 The First Treaty of Paris was declared, which returned 
 France to its 1792 borders.
1848 W.G. Young patented the ice cream freezer.
1883 Twelve people were trampled to death in New York City 
 in a stampede due to a rumor that the Brooklyn Bridge was in 
 danger of collapsing.
1889 The brassiere was invented.
1896 The first automobile accident occurred in New York City.
1911 Ray Harroun won the first Indianapolis Sweepstakes. 
 The 500-mile auto race later became known as the 
 Indianapolis 500. Harroun's average speed was 74.59 miles 
 per hour.
1912 The U.S. Marines were sent to Nicaragua to protect 
 American interests.
1921 The U.S. Navy transferred the Teapot Dome oil reserves 
 to the Department of the Interior.
1943 American forces secured the Aleutian island of Attu 
 from the Japanese during World War II.
1967 Daredevil Evel Knievel jumped 16 automobiles in a row 
 in a motorcycle stunt at Ascot Speedway in Gardena, CA.
1971 Mariner 9, the American deep space probe blasted off 
 on a journey to Mars.
1982 Spain became the 16th NATO member. Spain was the first 
 country to enter the Western alliance since West Germany in 1955.
1989 The "Goddess of Democracy" statue (33 feet height) was 
 erected in Tiananmen Square by student demonstrators.
2003 Peter Jennings was sworn in as a U.S. citizen
2013  smiled

Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, May 29.

Thank you Andrew!

From Mike:
Hi Dear Webby,
 
Thanks for brightening my day each morning! I really 
look forward to reading your humor every day.
 
The last time I contributed was close to a year ago, 
so when my budget allows, I will be sending you 
another contribution this year.
 
Your joke about the senior citizen and the college 
student is one of my favorites, being an 
almost-senior-citizen myself. I find it particularly 
appropriate that the original version was actually 
attributed to Ronald Reagan in his biography: 
Mike


Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the 
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




"In a new interview, Uma Thurman says that when she wants to   
lose weight, she keeps her food intake down by eating in the   
nude.  Actually, I tried that once, but I was kicked out of   
Denny's." --Conan O'Brien   


My cousin Marion and the church organist were discussing
music for Marion's wedding service.  A first-time bride at 30,
she said she'd like a song from Fiddler on the Roof.

"You mean 'Sunrise, Sunset'?" the organist asked.

"Actually," Marion replied, "I was thinking of
'Miracle of Miracles.'"
  

Hardware Diagnostics
If you are not sure, that the problem is messed up software,
get the Microscope V16 Software Hardware Diagnostics
With Over 250 Proprietary Functions. 
That's what the Pro's use to quickly determine what
needs to be replaced or upgraded.


>Thanks to Rosie for this:
On his way home from work recently, my husband came upon   
a 'Road Closed' sign. Undeterred, he maneuvered his truck   
around it and continued on. But he didn't get very far.   
The pavement ended with a 20 foot deep trench, 
and another, larger sign:   
"What Part of 'Road Closed' 
did you not understand?"   


Thanks to Lillemor for this picture!

Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Jeremy Lovitt, 23, and Gabriel Gonzaels, 19, Stockton, Calif

Jeremy Lovitt, Gabriel Gonzalez, Robbers 
Stranded When Burger King Employee Takes Getaway Car 

Reported by The Hufington Post
Two alleged robbers were left high and dry Thursday when a 
Burger King employee hid their getaway car, Fox 40 reported.

Police in Stockton, Calif., say Jeremy Lovitt, 23, and 
Gabriel Gonzales, 19, held up the fast food restaurant 
at gunpoint at about 9:45 p.m.

While the manager and another employee handed over the 
money, a third employee says he exited the restaurant 
through the back and noticed that there was a car with 
the engine running in the parking lot, according to 
News 10/KXTV.

The employee figured the vehicle was the suspects' 
getaway car, so he drove it around the corner and 
hid it, CBS 13 reported.

When the two men ran out of the Burger King, they 
found their car was gone and attempted to flee to 
a nearby field, but cops quickly caught up to them.

When they were all tired out from running, they were 
arrested and taken to the San Joaquin County Jail.

All the robbed money was recovered by police.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Mellie
Re: Pictures too big

Dear Webby
when I take pictures with my digital point and shoot, 
or my Galaxy SII cameraphone, they're always one to two 
megs in size. How can I reduce the file size to a 
reasonable level? I don't have Photoshop, I have Photo Filtre.
  Thanks for all your help.  
  Mellie 

Dear Mellie
You don't need Photoshop or Paint Shop Pro or any of those 
big programs. Just about any graphics program lets you 
resize pictures.

Straight off the camera they are usually 1600 x 1200 or bigger.
The pictures you see in the humor letter are 600 x 480,
a size, that is comfortable in emails.

Most likely your "Photo Filtre" will let you resize the 
pictures. Save the resized picture with a descriptive name, 
and try not to overwrite the original. That way you can 
always make other, good quality, clones of it.
If "Photo Filtre" can't do resizing, let me know, and I 
will find you a free program, that does.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


It workded!! Yeaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!  
Thanks so much for the help!   
mellie





If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Chrome Mirrored Trays For Bathroom Bottles
Yes, all those bottles! I still use one of the old chrome 
and metal mirrored bottom trays with chrome pipe sides. 
They are easy to clean and all the bottles, tubes and such 
are contained in a small area. I think you can still buy 
the trays at bath stores and I have seen them at resale 
shops, too. You can spray paint to match your taste. 

By Shelly from Florida

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Have I got a deal for you!
Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97!


What's Aquaponics? It's top secret technology some pros use
to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two 
to ten times the crop per square foot? 
Yes, it sure is!

It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces
all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that 
clean that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish.
Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal!

You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book
tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes
and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs.

If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab
Aquaponics, while it is on sale!
AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books!

By the way, there is NO WEEDING necessary with Aquaponics!


>From Susan
During my brother's wedding, my mother managed to keep from   
crying---until she glanced at my grandparents. My grandmother   
had reached over to my grandfather's wheelchair and gently   
touched his hand. That was all it took to start my mother's   
tears flowing.   

After the wedding, Mom went over to my grandmother and told   
her how that tender gesture triggered her outburst.   

"Well, I'm sorry to ruin your moment," Grandmother replied,   
"but I was just checking if he was awake." 





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

>From Alex
One night at about 3am my wife was getting up from the   
toilet to return to bed when she heard a little noise. It   
was a suspiciously rodent like sound that seemed to be   
right in the bathroom with her.   

She, of course, froze and listened attentively for any   
further sign of invaders. After a moment, satisfied that   
she was alone, she took a step for the door. Rodent   
scratchy sounds again! She froze, not breathing. Silence.   
Her heart beat fast as she once again tried to retreat   
from the bathroom.   

This time the noise was accompanied by something touching   
the back of her leg! That was too much to bear. She   
literally flew the 8 feet to the bed, clearing the foot   
board by a couple feet, to land screaming by my side.   

The culprit was right there in plain sight, a trail of   
toilet paper neatly marked the path from bed to the bath-   
room. 



» Yarn Bombs




Today, May 29, in
1453 Constantinople fell to Ottoman Sultan Mehmed II, 
 ending the Byzantine (Eastern half of Roman) Empire.
1660 Charles II was restored to the English throne 
 after the Puritan Commonwealth.
1765 Patrick Henry denounced the Stamp Act before 
 Virginia's House of Burgesses.
1849 A patent for lifting vessels was granted to Abe  Lincoln.
1910 An airplane raced a train from Albany, NY, to New York City.
 The airplane pilot Glenn Curtiss won the $10,000 prize.
1911 The first running of the Indianapolis 500 took place.
1912 Fifteen women were dismissed from their jobs at the 
 Curtis Publishing Company in Philadelphia, PA, for 
 dancing the Turkey Trot while on the job.
1916 U.S. forces invaded Dominican Republic and remained 
 until 1924.
1922 Ecuador became independent.
1932 World War I veterans began arriving in Washington, DC. 
 to demand cash bonuses they were not scheduled to receive 
 for another 13 years.
1951 C.F. Blair became the first man to fly over the 
 North Pole in single engine plane.
1953 Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tenzing Norgay became 
 first men to reach the top of Mount Everest and live.
1985 Thirty-nine people were killed and 400 were injured 
 in a riot at a European Cup soccer match in Brussels, Belgium.
1986 Colonel Oliver North told National Security Advisor 
 William McFarlane that profits from weapons sold to 
 Iran were being diverted to the Contras.
1988 U.S. President Reagan began his first visit to the 
 Soviet Union in Moscow.
1999 Space shuttle Discovery completed the first 
 docking with the International Space Station.
2000 Fiji's military took control of the nation and 
 declared martial law following a coup attempt by 
 indigenous Fijians in mid-May.
2001 In New York, four followers of Osama bin Laden 
 were convicted of a global conspiracy to murder Americans. 
 The crimes included the 1998 bombings of two U.S. 
 embassies in Africa that killed 224 people.
2001 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer 
 Casey Martin could use a cart to ride in tournaments.
2013  smiled

Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, May 28.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the 
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to 
borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
--- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914)

Basic research is what I am doing when I don't 
know what I am doing.
--- Wernher von Braun (1912 - 1977)

An open ear is the only believable sign of an open heart.
--- David Augsburger


Thanks to Tammy for this story:
My husband, son and I had stopped to take in a spectacular
sunset and were on our way back to our car, when four
Buddhist monks walked by.

When our son asked about them, I explained, "Their life is
a quest for enlightenment."

"I wonder what kind of car they drive," my husband said
and jokingly suggested, "A Ford Focus?"

"Or a Honda Odyssey," I said.

The monks got into a Nissan Pathfinder.
  

Hardware Diagnostics
If you are not sure, that the problem is messed up software,
get the Microscope V16 Software Hardware Diagnostics
With Over 250 Proprietary Functions. 
That's what the Pro's use to quickly determine what
needs to be replaced or upgraded.


* Lerman's Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be 
overcome given enough time and money. 
Corollary: You are never given enough time or money. 

* Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband 
to pick up five items at the store and then you add one 
more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five. 

* Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important 
you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or 
absence is noticed. 

* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to 
increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect 
on your take-home pay. 

* Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything 
except what happens. 

* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you 
always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else. 

* Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out 
hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will 
harden when stale. 

* Kenny's Law of Auto Repair: The part requiring the most 
consistent repair or replacement will be housed in the most 
inaccessible location. 

* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the 
way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the 
grocery bag. 

* Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you 
will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet 
the boss in the parking lot. 

* Loftus' Law: Some people manage by the book, even though 
they don't know who wrote the book or even which book it is. 



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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Latasha Renee Love, 37, Charlotte, North Carolina

Mom Has Child Busted For Theft 
Of Her Pop-Tarts

Reported by The Smoking Gun
A North Carolina mother had her son arrested this week for 
taking her Pop-Tarts without permission, police report.

The child was busted on a larceny charge, according to the 
Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department, whose officers were 
summoned Monday night to a Charlotte home by 
Latasha Renee Love, the accused juvenile’s 37-year-old mother.

A police report notes that “the known suspect stole Pop-tarts 
belonging to his mother at their home at 530 Goldstaff Ln. 
The suspect was juvenile arrested at the time of the offence.”

Cops described the stolen goods as “Foodstuffs” valued at $5.

Love, who reportedly has had discipline issues with her child, apparently decided to have him arrested as some kind of a 
lesson. Love is pictured above in a mug shot snapped after a 
September 2009 drunk driving arrest.

The misdemeanor case against the boy will be handled in 
juvenile court.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Bonny
Re: Fuzzy pictures

Dear Webby
I have a bunch of older digital pictures that are quite fuzzy
by today's standards. How do you make fuzzy pictures clear
and sharp?
Bonny

Dear Holly
As long as it is not motion blur or jitters, you have a very
good chance at clarifying the pictures. If you have Paintshop
Pro, increase the image size 10-15%, then use the "Clarify"
button. Increase the size again and clarify once more. By
now the pricture is probably getting rather coarse looking.
Now use the Effects tool and select "Edge Preserving Smooth".
After that, shrink the picture to original size. It should be
quite acceptable now.

This trick works pretty well on original pictures, but nothing
works, if a picture has been saved a few times with a high
JPG compression. Always work in PSP or PSD or PNG format, 
until all work is completed. Then save in that format first 
before doing a final save in JPG format. If it is for the web,
you can leave it in PNG format. Most browsers can handle that.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Freeze and Bake a Few Cookies at a Time 
My husband and I are what I call "cookie pigs"! If I make 
30 cookies, we'll eat 30 cookies. Needless to say, we 
don't need 30 cookies. What I do now, since we came to 
our senses, is make a double batch of our favorite 
cookie recipe, bake a few for now, and put the others 
in the freezer. 

I prepare them just as if I were going to bake them 
now and place closely together on a cookie sheet. 
After they're frozen very hard (I wait a night), 
I put them in a plastic container separated with 
waxed paper. Then when we want cookies, I can bake 
4 (they're small!) and we have 4. Sure helps to 
control our eating but still allows us to have treats. 

By Judi 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Have I got a deal for you!
Aquaponics is on special for $27 instead of the normal $97!


What's Aquaponics? It's top secret technology some pros use
to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two 
to ten times the crop per square foot? 
Yes, it sure is!

It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces
all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that 
clean that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish.
Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal!

You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book
tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes
and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs.

If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab
Aquaponics, while it is on sale!
AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books!

By the way, there is NO WEEDING necessary with Aquaponics!


Thanks to Sandie for this story:
A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing
an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician
asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body
dressed. He points out that the man does look good
in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her
husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him
in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and
says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have
my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight,
she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with
a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to
the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You
did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did
you spend?"

To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the
blank check. "There's no charge," he says.

"No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that
exquisite blue suit!" she says.

"Honestly, ma'am," the mortician says, "It cost nothing.
You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's
size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday,
and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his
wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black
suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as
he looked nice.

So I switched the heads."





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

A very self-important college freshman at a recent football
game took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen
sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older
generation to understand his own.

"You grew up in a different, actually almost primitive,
world,"  the student said loud enough for the whole crowd
to hear.

"We young people today grew up with television, jet planes,
space  travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships
have visited Mars...We even  have nuclear energy, electric
and hydrogen cars, computers with  light-speed processing
and  uh.."

Taking advantage of a pause for breath in the student's
litany, the "wizened" one said,
"You're right, Son.  We didn't have those things when
we were young........so we invented them...... you arrogant
little TURKEY!!
All you invented so far is rap, saggy pants and and rear 
cleavage. 
Now......what else are you doing for the next generation??"



» Red Clover




Today, May 27, in
585 BC Thales Miletus predicted a solar eclipse.
585 BC The Persian-Lydian battle ended.
1533 England's Archbishop declared the marriage of 
 King Henry VIII to Anne Boleyn valid.
1805 Napoleon was crowned in Milan, Italy.
1863 The first black regiment left Boston to fight 
 in the U.S. Civil War.
1900 Britain annexed the Orange Free State.
1918 Azerbaijan declared independence.
1928 Chrysler Corporation merged with Dodge Brothers, Inc.
1937 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt pushed a button in 
 Washington, DC, signaling that vehicular traffic could 
 cross the newly opened Golden Gate Bridge in California.
1940 During World War II, Belgium surrendered to Germany.
1976 The Peaceful Nuclear Explosion Treaty was signed, 
 limiting any nuclear explosion regardless of its purpose 
 to a yield of 150 kilotons.
1987 Mathias Rust, a 19-year-old West German pilot, landed 
 a private plane in Moscow's Red Square after evading 
 Soviet air defenses. He was released August 3, 1988.
1995 An earthquake in the Russian town Neftegorsk killed 
 at least 2000 people. It had a magnitude of 7.5.
1996 U.S. President Clinton's former business partners 
 in the Whitewater land deal were convicted of fraud.
1998 Dr. Susan Terebey discovered a planet outside of 
 our solar system with the use of photos taken by the 
 Hubble Space Telescope.
1999 In Milan, Italy, Leonardo de Vinci's "The Last Supper" 
 was put back on display after more than 20 years of 
 restoration work.
2002 Russia became a limited partner in NATO with the 
 creation of the NATO-Russia Council.
2013  smiled

Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, May 27.

I wish all American readers a happy and safe Memorial Day. 
Whether you're relaxing at home or traveling with family, 
enjoy your long weekend, and give a thought or two to the
heroes, who paid for your freedom with their lives and limbs.


Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the 
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




I am not young enough to know everything.
--- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at
science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?
--- Kelvin Throop III


Jim's doctor tells him he has only one day to live. When   
Jim goes home to share the bad news with his wife, she asks   
what he wants to do with the little bit of time he has left.   

"All I want," Jim tells his beloved wife, "is to spend my   
last few hours reliving our honeymoon." Which is exactly   
what they did.   

But after hours of blissful romance, she announces that   
she's tired and wants to go to sleep.   

"Oh, come on," Jim whispers in her ear.   

"Look," his wife snaps, "I've got to get up in the morning.   
You don't!"   
  

THE 30 MOST COMMON PC ISSUES AND FIXES
This book includes the best solutions posted on the Internet 
(blogs,forums,manuals,etc) combined with the 10 years of PC 
repair experience of the author Sebastian Nesh. It can be 
used anytime by anyone. No specialized knowledge required. 
You don't need to be tech guy to use this book!
Get the FIXES!


A hunter walking through the jungle, found a huge, dead
dinosaur, with a pigmy standing beside it.  Amazed, he asked,
"Did you kill that?"

The pigmy said, "Yes."

The hunter asked, "How could a little bloke like you kill
a huge beast like that?"

The pigmy said, "I killed it with my club."

The astonished hunter asked, "How big is your club?"

The pigmy replied, "Not counting the Women's Auxiliary, 
there are about two hundred of us."



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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Rodney Wold, 64, Louisville, KY

Jailed After Threatening Neighbor 
With Rifle Over Wabbits

Reported by The Weekly Vice
Rodney Wold, a 64-year-old Kentucky man, was jailed after 
he allegedly threatened a neighbor with an AK-47 because 
the neighbor had been shooting at wabbits, err  rabbits.

According to Louisville Police, Wold became angry when he 
caught his neighbor sitting on his back porch shooting at 
rabbits.

In retaliation, Wold retrieved a loaded AK-47 rife from 
his home, pointed it at his neighbor and yelled "if you 
want to hunt something, you can hunt me."

When officers arrived on the scene, the neighbor admitted 
to shooting at rabbits with an air rifle because they were 
damaging his garden.

The neighbor's wife, who witnessed the incident, told officers 
that they had previously had problems with Wold.

After obtaining permission to search Wold's residence, officers 
located the AK-47 between the mattress and box spring of his bed. 
Officers found the rifle loaded with a magazine that held 19 
rounds, according to the arrest affidavit.

Wold was booked into jail and charged with wanton endangerment. 
His bond has been set at $5,000.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Holly
Re: Picture clarity

Dear Webby
Why are some pictures on the net and in email so fuzzy
and others are sharp and clear? is that because of the
type of camera used?
Holly

Dear Holly
Usually that has nothing to do with the camera, but with
how the camera was used, and especially how the pictures
were saved.

Some people are on slow servers and have to reduce the
size of their files, so that they finish loading before the
visitor's attention span runs out. That is done by chosing
a high compression ratio. With the JPG files, that are used
on the web, the compression is "lossy". When pixels are
thrown away, color depth and clarity naturally suffers.

This is made even worse if a picture is edited and saved
multiple times. Each time the compression loses more
pixels and the picture gets fuzzier and more washed out
looking.

Lost pixels can never be returned. 
For editing I recommend using PSP, PSD, or PNG format, and
only convert the picture to JPG as a last step before
uploading. You can even leave them in PNG format. Most modern
browsers can handle PNG pictures.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Spray Pans With "No Stick" Spray in Dishwasher
When spraying your baking and frying pans with no stick 
spray, open your dishwasher door and place the item on it. 
Spray your cooking pans as desired and simply close the 
dishwasher door. No oily mess to clean off the counters 
and items on your counter in the general area and especially 
not on the floors making an extreme slipping hazard. 

Close the door and easily clean it all up the next time 
you run your dishwasher through the cycles leaving a shiny 
clean inside door and no residue to clean while trying to 
prepare your food saving time, energy and money by not 
having to purchase as much cleaning supplies. Simple and 
easy, try it and guaranteed you will use this trick often, 
I know I do! 

By Beau D from Vancouver, WA 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com



Grow food with a minimum amount of work 
in a minimum amount of space with Food4Wealth.

Absolutely everything you need to know to grow 
healthy, 
fresh organic food, without all the problems.

Finally, a method of growing food that is reliable. 
It also produces an abundance of food and is easy to 
understand. This package includes a fully illustrated 
step by step manual, PLUS AudioBook and over 
60 minutes of video. 

Get your veggies on your balcony or back yard, 
and stop worrying about harmful chemicals!

Get Food4Wealth Now!
60 day money back guarantee!




Little Johnny and his family were having  Sunday dinner
at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around
the table as the food was being served. When little Johnny
received his plate, he started eating right away.

"Johnny wait until we say our prayer."

"I don't have to," The boy replied.

"Of course, you do," his mother insisted.
"We say a prayer, before eating, at our house."

"That's at our house," Johnny explained. "But this is
Grandma's house and her food always turns out good!





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

My mother-in-law just ran me over!"
the shaken man told the police officer.

"The car hit you from behind," the officer said.
"How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?"

And the man said, "I recognized the laugh!"



» Therapy Animals




Today, May 27, in
1647 Achsah Young, a resident of Windsor, CT, was executed 
 for being a "witch."
1668 Three colonists were expelled from Massachusetts for 
 being Baptists.
1896 255 people were killed in St. Louis, MO, by a tornado.
1907 The Bubonic Plague broke out in San Francisco.
1919 A U.S. Navy seaplane completed the first transatlantic 
 flight.
1931 Piccard and Knipfer made the first flight into the 
 stratosphere, by balloon.
1937 In California, the Golden Gate Bridge was opened to 
 pedestrian traffic. The bridge connected San Francisco 
 and Marin County.
1941 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt proclaimed an 
 "unlimited national emergency" amid rising world tensions.
1941 The German battleship Bismarck was sunk by British 
 naval and air forces. 2,300 people were killed.
1942 German General Erwin Rommel began a major offensive 
 in Libya with his Afrika Korps.
1960 A military coup overthrew the democratic government of Turkey.
1977 George H. Willig was fined for scaling the World Trade Center 
 in New York on May 26. He was fined $1.10.
1982 Japan announced the elimination of tariffs on 96 
 industrial goods.
1986 Mel Fisher recovered a jar that contained 2,300 emeralds 
 from the Spanish ship Atocha. The ship sank in the 17th century.
1996 Russian President Boris Yeltsin negotiated a cease-fire 
 to the war in Chechnya in his first meeting with the leader 
 of the rebels.
1997 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the sexual harassment 
 suit filed by Paula Jones could continue while President 
 Clinton was in office.
1998 Michael Fortier was sentenced to 12 years in prison for 
 not warning anyone about the plot to bomb an Oklahoma City 
 federal building.
1999 In The Hague, Netherlands, a war crimes tribunal indicted 
 Slobodan Milosevic and four others for atrocities in Kosovo. 
2013  smiled

Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, May 26.

The snow we got during the week and the icy rain
did not delay the Rhubarb one bit. With blatant disregard
for climate and weather it shook off the snow and virtually
exploded. From now until the end of September it will produce
more than I can use.

During the afternoon it looked like a major storm was 
approaching, but I managed to mow the back half before it 
broke. 

The Saskatoon bushes in the back are just starting to bloom.
If we get some sunshine, I'll take some pictures.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the 
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




No matter what side of the argument you are on, 
you always find people on your side 
that you wish were on the other.
--- Jascha Heifetz (1901 - 1987)

The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy
is inefficiency. An efficient bureaucracy is the greatest
threat to liberty.
--- Eugene McCarthy


A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his
wife made no attempt to restrain her four-year-old son,
who was ransacking an adjoining room.

But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt
her to say, "I hope, doctor, you don't mind Johnny
being in there."

"No," said the doctor calmly, "He'll be quiet soon.
That stuff is cheap but quite poisonous."
  

THE 30 MOST COMMON PC ISSUES AND FIXES
This book includes the best solutions posted on the Internet 
(blogs,forums,manuals,etc) combined with the 10 years of PC 
repair experience of the author Sebastian Nesh. It can be 
used anytime by anyone. No specialized knowledge required. 
You don't need to be tech guy to use this book!
Get the FIXES!


How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.

Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to
pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at
predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None. Candles only, but they must be
bees wax candles.

Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and
three committees to approve the change and decide who
brings the potato salad.

Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to
mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the
old bulb was.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four
wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in
favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if
in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work
for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or
compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the
next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number
of light bulb traditions including incandescent, fluorescent,
three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally
valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright,
dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light
bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting
service is planned for Sunday.Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five
men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish: What's a light bulb?

------------------
If you have any other definitions, plelase send them to me.



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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Joseph Meacham, 39, St louis, Missouri

Flees From Police During Traffic Stop, 
Attempts To Hide Inside Police Headquarters

Reported by The Weekly Vice
Joseph Meacham, a 39-year-old St. Louis man was jailed 
Wednesday after he allegedly ran into a police department 
while trying to flee officers.

According to the Clayton Police, an officer was attempting 
to pull Meacham over for an unknown traffic violation when 
Meacham stopped the vehicle and fled on foot.

As Meacham was being chased by the officer, he unknowingly 
ran into the St. Louis County police office looking 
for a place to hide.

Investigators say detectives watched as Meacham darted in 
and out of hallways, clearly not knowing where he was going.

Eventually, Meacham ran into an office occupied by the 
Chief of Police. That's when he realized that he had hit a 
dead end, dropped to the floor and curled up into a ball. 
Meacham was then taken into custody at gun point.

"He acted like if he didn't look up and couldn't see us, 
then we couldn't see him," said St. Louis County Lt. Bryan Ludwig.

Meacham was booked into jail and issued several court 
summonses. He was later released without bail.

A female who was a passenger in Meacham's vehicle during the 
arrest was also taken into custody, but has been cooperating
with police. 

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Rheta
Re: Lost browser

Deat Webby;
Will here I am again. With another question. Some how I have
AOL as my browser. I have no idea how I lost my Internet 
explorer. How do I get it back? Please.
Rheta

Dear Rheta
Click on start and type 
iexplore
and hit enter.

If you have FireFox installed somewhere, you can type
firefox
and hit Enter.

When you hit Enter, the selected browser will start up,
and ask you, if you want to make it the default browser.

Most likely you have an icon for your favorite browser
somewhere in your forest of desktop icons.
Send a youngster on a scavenger hunt to find it.
When it is found, right-click the status bar, 
and make sure it is not locked.

Then drag the found icon onto the status bar next to START.
Now it will always be handy and won't get lost again.
After that, you can lock the tool bar again.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Sugar Scrub
I know most of you have heard of sugar scrubs as a facial, 
so I thought I would try a homemade version. I put about 
a tablespoon of sugar in my hand and add any lotion on 
top of it, then rub it onto my face and neck for about 
a minute or as long as you like. Rinse well. My face and 
neck feel so soft and looks smoother.

By stronium from Grayson, KY 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com



Grow food with a minimum amount of work 
in a minimum amount of space with Food4Wealth.

Absolutely everything you need to know to grow 
healthy, 
fresh organic food, without all the problems.

Finally, a method of growing food that is reliable. 
It also produces an abundance of food and is easy to 
understand. This package includes a fully illustrated 
step by step manual, PLUS AudioBook and over 
60 minutes of video. 

Get your veggies on your balcony or back yard, 
and stop worrying about harmful chemicals!

Get Food4Wealth Now!
60 day money back guarantee!




As chaplain in a university residence hall,
I am supposed to uphold all of the school rules,
which include a ban on pets.


That changed when a kitten adopted me.


The freshmen in my dorm kept my secret.
They covered for me by calling my kitten
"the Book,"
since I had so many in my room.

One morning I was leaving the dorm
with the kitten in a beer case converted
to a kitten carrier.
A student stopped me and asked,
"Where are you taking the Book?"

I explained that I was taking the kitten to the vet.
"She's getting fixed today," I told him.

"Hmmm," the student responded,
"no sequels."





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

When Bob came home, his wife was crying.
"Your mother insulted me," she sobbed.

"My mother?  How could she do that when she is on
vacation on the other side of the world?" Bob asked.

"I know.  But this morning a letter addressed to you 
arrived. I opened it because I was curious."

"And?"

"At the end of the letter she wrote:

PS.  Dear Diane, when you have finished reading this letter,
don't forget to give it to my son."



» Ambigrams




Today, May 26, in
0017 Germanicus of Rome celebrated his victory over the Germans.
1328 William of Ockham was forced to flee from Avignon
1521 Martin Luther was banned by the Edict of Worms because 
 of his religious beliefs and writings.
1647 A new law banned Catholic priests from the colony of 
 Massachusetts. The penalty was banishment or death for 
 a second offense.
1660 King Charles II of England landed at Dover after being 
 exiled for nine years.
1670 A treaty was signed in secret in Dover, England, between 
 Charles II and Louis XIV ending the hostilities between them.
1736 The British and Chickasaw Indians defeated the French 
 at the Battle of Ackia.
1791 The French Assembly forced King Louis XVI to hand over 
 the crown and state assets.
1805 Napoleon Bonaparte was crowned King of Italy in Milan
1831 Russians defeated the Poles at battle of Ostrolenska.
1896 The last czar of Russia, Nicholas II, was crowned.
1908 In Persia, the first oil strike was made in the Middle East.
1913 Actors’ Equity Association was organized in New York City.
1940 The evacuation of Allied troops from Dunkirk, France, began
1946 A patent was filed in the United States for an H-bomb.
1946 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill signed a military 
 pact with Russian leader Joseph Stalin.
1956 The first trailer bank opened for business in Locust Grove, 
 Long Island, NY. The 46-foot-long trailer took in $100,000 
 in deposits its first day.
1959 The word "Frisbee" became a registered trademark of Wham-O.
1961 A U.S. Air Force bomber flew across the Atlantic in a 
 record time of just over three hours.
1969 The Apollo 10 astronauts returned to Earth after a successful 
 eight-day dress rehearsal for the first manned moon landing.
1975 American stuntman Evel Knievel suffered severe spinal 
 injuries in Britain when he crashed while attempting to jump 
 13 buses in his car.
1977 George H. Willig was arrested after he scaled the 
 South Tower of New York's World Trade Center. It took him 
 3 1/2 hours.
1991 A Lauda Air Boeing 767 crashed in Thailand, killing all 
 223 people aboard.
1994 U.S. President Clinton renewed trade privileges for China, 
 and announced that his administration would no longer link 
 China's trade status with its human rights record.
2013  smiled

Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, May 25.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the 
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Man is ready to die for an idea, provided that idea is not quite clear to him.
--- Paul Eldridge

Life is full of obstacle illusions.
--- Grant Frazier


A man entered a stationery store and asked the clerk for a
birthday/anniversary card.

The clerk replied, "We have birthday cards and we have an-
niversary cards. Why not take one of each?"

The man said, "You don't understand. I need a card that
covers BOTH events! You see, we're celebrating the fifth
anniversary of my wife's thirty-fourth birthday."
  

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The ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received
a visit from one of her fellow church members.

"How are you feeling?" the visitor asked.

"Oh," said the lady, "I'm just worried sick!"

"What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked.

"You look like you're in good health. They are taking
care of you, aren't they?"

"Yes, they are taking very good care of me."

"Are you in any pain?" she asked.

"No, I have never had a pain in my life."

"Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again.

The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly
explained her major worry. "Every close friend I ever had
has already died and gone on to heaven. I'm afraid they're
all wondering where I went."



Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Gregory Stambaugh, 57, and Karen Harrelson, 48 in York, PA

Couple Jailed After Stabbing One Another 
During Argument Over American Idol

Reported by The Weekly Vice
Gregory Stambaugh, 57, and Karen Harrelson, 48, were jailed 
last Wednesday after they allegedly stabbed each other 
during an argument over which contestant should win 
'American Idol.'

According to police, Stambaugh and Harrelson had been 
watching the show at Stambaugh's home Wednesday evening 
when they got into an argument over who should win the 
season's title.

Investigators say one of the suspects went to the kitchen, 
grabbed a knife and stabbed the other.  In retaliation, the 
other suspect grabbed the knife and stabbed back.

When police arrived at the scene, both Stambaugh and 
Harrelson argued about who stabbed first.

Police believe alcohol was likely a factor in the altercation,
and since they did not leak much and were internally antiseptic,
Stambaugh and Harrelson were booked into the York County Prison 
and charged with assault. 

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Sharon
Re: Ad Blocking

Deat Webby;
Thanks for the camera hints on pixel size for emailing. I
saved the pic to the pc then cut them down in size &
emailed them. The receipants said they came thru really well.

I read some where a long time ago that there is a way to
stop the ad banners while surfing a site. Do you know 
how to do this?

Also I am curious if using instant messenger for chatting
w/ family & friends is a way of getting a virus? I do a virus
scan twice a week & have one that is on auto protect all
the time.

Thanks for your wonderful help.
Sharon

Dear Sharon
There are ways to block all ads.
The easiest is not to go to sites, that use ads to help pay
for their web space.

Contrary to popular opinion, web space is not paid for by
the Easter Bunny.

When I really like a site, I click on every ad they have.
I know they will get a few pennies per 1000 exposures,
and I don't begrudge them that. The same when I buy
something over the net, I try to approach it through an
ad on a site that I like. It does not cost me any extra, 
but it may make the difference between them staying alive
or not.

If you do the opposite, and block ads, then you are looking
for trouble. Many sites consider that as being a parasite,
and they redirect your browser away from their good pages.
Where they redirect you to, that's anyones guess and
depends on how much they dislike parasites. Often those
redirect targets are bad news.

Nobody is getting rich off the ads any more, but they do
help with the expenses of running a site.

Re Instant Messengers: If you use AOL Instant messenger
or MSN messenger or Yahoo messenger, then you better have
VERY good security up and running,
and pray a lot. 
Especially AIM seems to be a real trouble magnet.

On the other end of the spectrum is Skype. It is encrypted
and hostile stuff just does not make it through that encryption.
We use Skype for tech support and there has never been
even the slightest hint of any problem. And it's free!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Cardboard To Clean Keyboard
I found to my surprise that using cardboard from a toilet paper roll, about the size of a large paperclip, makes an excellent hair and debris picker-upper from off the keyboard.

By Robyn 

A vacuum cleaner works well too.
Since I stopped smoking a bit over two years ago, keyboards
require a lot less cleaning. Nowadays I just hit them
upside down over the garbage can, then give them a squirt
of window cleaner and vacuum them. One swipe with the carpet 
beater is enough and all the keys are bright and shiny again.

Today's keyboards are very sturdy and can take all kinds 
of abuse.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com



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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it
cost to get married?"

The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying for
it."





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time
playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy to
focus more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to
his son, "When Lincoln was your age, he was studying books
by the light of the fireplace."

The son replied, "But Dad, when Lincoln was your age, he
was President of The United States!"



» Ambigrams




Today, May 25, in
585 BC The first known prediction of a solar eclipse was 
 made in Greece.
1085 Alfonso VI took Toledo, Spain from the Moslems.
1810 Argentina declared independence from Napoleonic Spain.
1844 The gasoline engine was patented by Stuart Perry.
1895 Oscar Wilde, a playwright, poet and novelist, was 
 convicted of a morals charge and sentenced to prison in London.
1927 Ford Motor Company announced that the Model A would 
 replace the Model T.
1953 In Nevada, the first atomic cannon was fired.
1961 America was asked by U.S. President Kennedy to work 
 toward putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade.
1970 Boeing Computer Services was founded.
1977 An opinion piece by Vietnam verteran Jan Scruggs appeared 
 in "The Washington Post." The article called for a national 
 memorial to "remind an ungrateful nation of what it has done 
 to its sons" that had served in the Vietnam War.
1979 An American Airlines DC-10 crashed during takeoff at 
 Chicago's O'Hare International Airport. 275 people were killed.
1981 Daredevil Daniel Goodwin scaled Chicago's Sears Tower, 
 while wearing a "Spiderman" costume, in 7 1/2 hours.
1985 Bangladesh was hit with a hurricane and tidal wave that 
 killed more than 11,000 people.
1997 Poland adopted a constitution that removed all traces 
 of communism.
2001 Erik Weihenmeyer, 32, of Golder, CO, became the first blind 
 climber to reach the summit of Mount Everest.
2008 NASA's Phoenix Mars Lander landed in the arctic plains 
 of Mars.
2009 North Korea announced that it had conducted a second 
 successful nuclear test in the province of North Hamgyong.
2013  smiled