Making pictures larger 




Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, August 3
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you Allene!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Pennsylvania babysitters accused of forcing 
kids to lay on nails, drink their own urine
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 3 in
1914 Germany declared war on France. The next day 
World War I began when Britain declared war on Germany. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
All that is human must retrograde if it does not advance. --- Edward Gibbon (1737 - 1794) A man can stand anything except a succession of ordinary days. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832) "I can't do it" never yet accomplished anything; "I will try" has performed wonders. --- George P. Burnham "I will do it", gets the job done. --- DearWebby ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the creator of the world-famous detective, Sherlock Holmes, was not above telling tales about himself in which he was the laughing-stock. In one situation, he was waiting at a taxi stand outside the railway station in Paris. When a taxi pulled up, he placed his suitcase in the car and took a seat next to it. "Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?'' asked the taxi driver. Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver whether he knew him by sight. "No, sir, I have never seen you before." The puzzled Doyle asked him how he knew he was Conan Doyle. The driver said, "This morning's paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you're a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. And so, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle." Doyle remarked, "This is truly amazing. You are a real life counterpart to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes." "There is one other thing that gave you away," the driver said, after pocketing his tip. "What is that?" questioned Doyle. The driver said, "Your name is on the front of your suitcase." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The Bridge Of Immortals… Huangshan China _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A couple was taking a stroll through a park, when they came upon a wishing well. The woman leaned over, made a wish and threw a quarter down the well. Her husband decided that he also wanted to make a wish. Unfortunately, he leaned over too far and fell down the well. The woman stood there in shock for a moment and said, "Wow! It really works!" ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shyann Hills Jayako Frye Towanda, Pennsylvania Pennsylvania babysitters accused of forcing kids to lay on nails, drink their own urine A Pennsylvania couple was arrested on child abuse charges for allegedly torturing two kids in their care for nearly a week. State police said Shyann Hills and Jayako Frye were watching a 7-year-old and a 9-year-old for six days. In that time, troopers said the couple tied the kids up, and they wouldn’t let the children eat, sleep, or even use the bathroom. Troopers took Hills and Frye into custody from their trailer on Crimson Maple Drive in Rome. They face a slew of charges, including aggravated assault. The two children needed to be hospitalized after the abuse they endured. Neighbors were shocked to hear the news. “It’s hard to believe, actually. I’ve seen them, and I can’t believe it happened, actually,” Tammy Vanderpol told WNEP. State police said the couple forced the young kids to lie down in a planking position with sharp nails underneath them, so if the kids went down, they would fall onto the nails. Troopers said Hills and Frye also tied the kids to a dog cage and a cabinet. The couple also forced other children to hit the victims while they were restrained. “They should get the same treatment if not worse. That’s just nasty,” Vanderpol said. Hills and Frye are both locked up in the Bradford County jail, Hills on a $500,000 bail and Frye on $750,000.
Tech Support Pits From: Fred Re: Making a picture larger Dear Webby, I have a digital picture that measures 548 x411 pixels but the company requires a minimum of 700 x 500. Would you please advise me how to increase the pixel size. Thank you, Fred Dear Fred Any graphics program will do that, even Windows Paint, though that is really scraping the bottom of the barrel. First increase the color depth to 16 Million. Then soften the contrast just slightly, about 2 - 3 %. Next, increase the picture size to what you need. And finally, sharpen the contrast 6 - 10%. If picture quality is not that important, you can skip the softening and sharpening. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Kati for bringing back this classic: He had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down. The Pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc. The kitty would not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the Pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and pulled it until the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten. That's what he did, all the while checking his progress in the car. He then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten. But as he moved the car a little further forward, the rope broke. The tree went "boing!" and the kitten instantly sailed through the air - out of sight. The Pastor felt terrible. He walked all over the neighborhood asking people if they'd seen a little kitten. No. Nobody had seen a stray kitten So he prayed, "Lord, I just commit this kitten to your keeping," and went on about his business. A few days later he was at the grocery store, and met one of his church members. He happened to look into her s hopping cart and was amazed to see cat food. This woman was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her, "Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats so much?" She replied, "You won't believe this," and then told him how her little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept refusing. Then a few days before, the child had begged again, so the Mom finally told her little girl, "Well, if God gives you a cat, I'll let you keep it." She told the Pastor, "I watched my child go out in the yard, get on her knees, and ask God for a cat. And really, Pastor, you won't believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky, with its paws outspread, and landed right in her lap. She has not let off holding and petting and smooching the kitten."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two elderly ladies met at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health, one asked how the other's husband was doing. "Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!" "Oh dear! I'm very sorry." replied her friend "What did you do?" "Opened a can of peas instead." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shop Around For Checks Don't assume that your bank has the best price on checks. You can often find checks for as much as half the cost from other check suppliers. Just carefully check your bank numbers and personal information as you would with any box of checks. I use ASAP-Cheques.com They are not only much faster than the bank, but cost only about a quarter of what the bank charges. I also get the deposit books from them. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
31 unusual places in North America people can actually visit.
___________________________________________________ "Now this is the verbal part of your employment test," said the interviewer. "Can you tell me what gross aggrandized annuity means?" "Certainly," replied the applicant. "It means I didn't pad my bra enough to get the job." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Mr. Doggins was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The birds were ruining his prize winning flower beds. The neighbor told Doggins that the chickens had the right to go where they wanted. Two weeks later, a friend visited Doggins and noticed his flower beds were doing great. The flowers were even beginning to bloom! The friend asked, "How did you get your neighbor to keep his hens in his own yard?" Doggins said, "Easy! One night I hid a dozen eggs under a bush by my flower bed. The next day I let my neighbor see me gather them. I haven't been bothered by his stupid chickens since." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 3 in
1492 Christopher Columbus left Palos, Spain with three
ships. The voyage led him to what is now known as the
Americas. He reached the Bahamas on October 12. 

1750 Christopher Dock completed the first book of teaching
methods. It was titled "A Simple and Thoroughly Prepared
School Management." 

1777 During the Siege of Fort Stanwix the first U.S. flag
was officially flown during battle. 

1880 The American Canoe Association was formed at Lake
George, NY. 

1900 Firestone Tire & Rubber Co. was founded. 

1914 Germany declared war on France. The next day World War
I began when Britain declared war on Germany. 

1933 The Mickey Mouse Watch was introduced for the price of
$2.75. 

1936 The U.S. State Department advised Americans to leave
Spain due to the Spanish Civil War. 

1936 Jesse Owens won the first of his four Olympic gold
medals. 

1943 Gen. George S. Patton verbally abused and slapped a
private. Later, Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower ordered him to
apologize for the incident. 

1956 Bedloe's Island had its name changed to Liberty
Island. 

1981 U.S. traffic controllers with PATCO, the Professional
Air Traffic Controllers Organization, went on strike. They
were fired just as U.S. President Reagan had warned. 

1985 Mail service returned to a nudist colony in Paradise
Lake, FL. Residents promised that they'd wear clothes or
stay out of sight when the mailperson came to deliver. 

1988 The Iran-Contra hearings ended. No ties were made
between U.S. President Reagan and the Nicaraguan Rebels. 

1988 The Soviet Union released Mathias Rust. He had been
taken into custody on May 28, 1987 for landing a plane in
Moscow's Red Square. 

1990 Thousands of Iraqi troops pushed within a few miles of
the border of Saudi Arabia. This heightened world concerns
that the invasion of Kuwait could spread. 

1992 The U.S. Senate voted to restrict and eventually end
the testing of nuclear weapons. 

1992 Russia and Ukraine agreed to put the Black Sea Fleet
under joint command. The agreement was to last for three
years. 

1995 Eyad Ismoil was flown from Jordan to the U.S. to face
charges that he had driven the van that blew up in New
York's World Trade Center. 

2004 In New York, the Statue of Liberty re-opened to the
public. The site had been closed since the terrorist
attacks on the U.S. on September 11, 2001. 

2004 NASA launched the spacecraft Messenger. The 6 1/2 year
journey was planned to arrive at the planet Mercury in
March 2011. On April 30, 2015, Messenger crashed into the
surface of Mercury after sending back more than 270,000
pictures. 

2009 Bolivia became the first South American country to
declare the right of indigenous people to govern
themselves. 

2018  smiled.


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When computers are too old to fix 




Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, August 2

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Jacksonville woman arrested 
for multiple armed robberies
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 2 in
1939 Albert Einstein signed a letter to President Roosevelt
urging the U.S. to have an atomic weapons research
program.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough --- Mario Andretti (1940 - ) How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live. --- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One day, farmer Jones was in town picking up supplies for his farm. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket and an anvil, then stopped by the livestock dealer to buy a couple of chickens and a goose. Now he had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home. The livestock dealer said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Hey, thanks!" the farmer said, and off he went. While walking he met a fair young lady. She told him she was lost, and asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1515 Mockingbird Lane?" The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I'm going to visit my brother at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let's take a short cut and go down this alley. We'll save half the time to get there". The fair young lady said, "How do I know that when we get in to the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull down my skirt and ravish me?" The farmer said, "I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, 2 chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" The young lady said, "Set the goose down, put the bucket over the goose, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens." "Sounds good!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ >From Eddie The company I work for offers tours through the historic district of Anapolis, MD, led by guides dressed in Colonial clothing. While leading a group, one of our guides, Dave, tripped and fell, breaking his wrist. He went to the hospital, and as he sat in the emergency room, a policeman walked by. Doing a double-take at Dave in his 18th century garb, he asked, "Just how long have you been waiting?" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Monica Hutchinson, 38, Jacksonville, Florida Jacksonville woman arrested for multiple armed robberies Monica Hutchinson, 38, of Jacksonville, was arrested Friday as a suspect in an armed gas station robbery, according to the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office. On July 22, police responded to a Circle K on Normandy Blvd. in reference to an armed robbery. Related Headlines Cases of hand, foot, and mouth disease on the rise, local doctor says Ex-husband of murder suspect knew she was using alias New law forces some Florida gun owners to surrender weapons According to a police report released by JSO, Hutchinson walked into the gas station and pointed a gun at the cashier, waving it around several times. The report says the cashier gave Hutchinson about $50 to $70 cash and that she set the gun on the counter when receiving the money. The manager of the business gave police surveillance video showing Hutchinson getting out of the passenger side of a gray Kia and later getting back into the vehicle. Witnesses described the robber as a white female, about 5 feet 6 inches tall, 110 pounds, with dark brown hair, wearing a hat and sunglasses, appearing to be in her mid- 40's and wearing a blue jacket and black legging pants with holes in them. The man stated it looked like she "previously had acne on her face and was a drug addict." The report says the vehicle appeared to have damage on the front of the hood and right fender. On Sunday, July 27, an officer patrolling the area of Cahoon Rd. and W Ramona Blvd. saw a vehicle matching that description, the report says. The officer said the damage to the hood and right fender was very distinguishable, and recognized the vehicle from the multiple robberies. The officer notified other units and conducted a traffic stop. According to the report, all occupants were detained. The report says it should be noted that Hutchinson was detained wearing the same black leggings worn in the Circle K robbery, as seen on surveillance, and that they had a very distinctive design. Hutchinson was arrested and charged for the armed robbery at the Circle K, and the other two people from the vehicle were arrested on local charges, the report says.
Tech Support Pits From: Scott Re: Too Old Computers Dear Webby Our club gets, among other things, old computers donated to us, so that we can try to convert them into cash for charitable purposes. However, quite a few are so old, that we can't do anything with them and just wind up paying disposal fees. Do you have any ideas? Thanks Scott Dear Scott Hold a Computer Smashathon. Provide safety goggles and a sledge hammer and charge a dollar per hit. You'll be surprised how much money you will raise! When they are all smashed to bits, glue them together into a big abstract sculpture, take good pictures of it and sell it on eBay. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
>From Stormy Take the batteries out of that blasted smoke alarm," Ethel snapped at her husband. "It bleeps no matter what I'm cooking." Her husband argued, "I don't think that's a good idea." One look at his cranky wife however, and he dismantled it. She grumbled, I wish you could dismantle the blasted parrot." The parrot that had a huge repertoire of sounds. He drove Ethel to distraction daily, imitating sounds like the phone ringing, barking dogs, crying kids, doors slamming. It sang TV commercials, almost any sound, if the bird heard it enough, it would imitate. He loved to say, "Ethel" over and over. Ethel slid the turkey into the oven. She was in a hurry, had more shopping to do as company was coming. As she went out the door, the bird called, "Goodbye Ethel." She yelled back, "Just shut up." The parrot sang over and over, "Shut up, Shut up, Shut up," until he tired. Dealing with a bad mood, had made Ethel careless. She had turned the oven temperature too high. It wasn't long before smoke curled around the stove. Neighbours heard the smoke detector. Knowing no one was home, they dialled 911.The fire dept. arrived, turned off the oven, then tossed the blackened turkey out the door. They looked for a smoke alarm, but it wasn't there. The parrot was sitting on the table watching. Everyone jumped when he lit into an ear piercing siren of a smoke alarm. Ethel was visibly shaken finding the firefighters in her home. Her parrot was preening from all the attention he was getting. She turned white when the neighbours told her what had happened. She held the parrot, "I guess you better stay after all." The bird responded, "Shut up Ethel, Just, Shut up!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Bob and his three golf buddies were out playing and were just starting on the back nine when Bob paused, looked down the fairway, and began to sob uncontrollably. The other three gathered around him and asked, "What's wrong?" Bob looked down at his feet, sniffed, and dried his eyes some, then apologized for his emotional outburst. "I'm sorry, I always get emotional at this hole -- it holds very difficult memories for me." One of his buddies asked, "What happened? What could have gotten you so upset?" Bob stared silently off in the distance, then said in a low voice, "This is where my wife and I were playing 12 years ago when she suddenly died of a heart attack -- right at this very hole!" "Oh no!" the other golfers said. "That must have been horrible!" "Horrible? You think it's horrible! ?" Bob cried in disbelief. "It was worse than that! Every ho le for the rest of the day, all the way back to the clubhouse it was... hit the ball, drag Alice, hit the ball, drag Alice..." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baby Food Jars For Small Items Baby food jars are great for storing small nails, screws and other items so that they are easy to see. You can attach the metal lids to the underside of a shelf, the jars can then hang from the shelf and be seen easily. When I was living in a hastily built cabin in the Yukon while building a new house, after the other one had burned down, I used a similar system. I trimmed a small log to took like a 6-sided banister post, and suspended it between two "L" brackets with a big screw in each end. Each of the six sides held a different group of items, and I could just turn it to whichever side I needed. It was like a horizontal "Lazy Susan". Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
31 unusual places in North America people can actually visit.
___________________________________________________ >From Ginny My boss is without peer when it comes to the rules and regulations that customs officials must follow. But when it comes to the law, well, that's a different story. We were attending a court case in which we were prosecuting a smuggler. The judge asked the court, "Who is making these allegations?" My boss stood up and proclaimed, "I am the alligator, your honor." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband. "Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?" "Er, yes, I did," said the husband. "But I couldn't spell convenience, so I made it risk." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 2 in
1776 Members of the Continental Congress began adding their
signatures to the Declaration of Independence. 

1791 Samuel Briggs and his son Samuel Briggs, Jr. received
a joint patent for their nail-making machine. They were the
first father-son pair to receive a patent. 

1858 In Boston and New York City the first mailboxes were
installed along streets. 

1887 Rowell Hodge patented barbed wire. 

1892 Charles A. Wheeler patented the first escalator. 

1926 John Barrymore and Mary Astor starred in the first
showing of the Vitaphone System. The system was the
combining of picture and sound for movies. 

1938 Bright yellow baseballs were used in a major league
baseball game between the Brooklyn Dodgers and the St.
Louis Cardinals. It was hoped that the balls would be
easier to see. 

1939 Albert Einstein signed a letter to President Roosevelt
urging the U.S. to have an atomic weapons research program.

1939 U.S. President Roosevelt signed the Hatch Act. The act
prohibited civil service employees from taking an active
part in political campaigns. 

1945 The Allied conference at Potsdam was concluded. 

1964 The Pentagon reported the first of two North
Vietnamese attacks on U.S. destroyers in the Gulf of
Tonkin. 

1983 U.S. House of Representatives approved a law that
designated the third Monday of January would be a federal
holiday in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. The law was
signed by President Reagen on November 2. 

1987 "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" was re-released. The
film was 50 years old at the time of its re-release. 

1990 Iraq invaded the oil-rich country of Kuwait. Iraq
claimed that Kuwait had driven down oil prices by exceeding
production quotas set by OPEC. 

1995 China ordered the expulsion of two U.S. Air Force
officers. The two were said to have been caught spying on
military sites. 

2018  smiled.


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Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, August 1
Thank you Don!
Thank you James!!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Unlicensed Florida teen leads police 
on chase, crashes after hitting a pothole
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 1 in
1774 Oxygen was isolated from air successfully by 
chemist Carl Wilhelm and scientist Joseph Priestly. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The dead might as well try to speak to the living as the old to the young. --- Willa Cather (1873 - 1947) The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him. --- Henry Stimson (1867 - 1950) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just a lazy old fart." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Lighthouse is safe _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Several women, each trying to one-up the other, appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived. The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed, "Okay, I'm ready to hear the evidence...I'll hear the oldest first." The case was dismissed for lack of testimony. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Timothy Magruder, 18, Jacksonville, Florida Unlicensed Florida teen leads police on chase, crashes after hitting a pothole An 18-year-old man led the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office on a chase that ended when he fled and hid on top of a metal shed, police said in a report. Timothy Magruder, 18, is facing multiple charges after the July 17 incident. JSO said Magruder was spotted driving at a high rate of speed in a 1995 Lincoln Town Car on Rayford Street. Magruder nearly crashed the big sedan while trying to turn onto Day Ave., JSO said. During a police chase, Magruder kept driving faster, JSO said, until he finally hit a pothole and crashed into a tree. Magruder ran, JSO said, and briefly got away by hiding on top of a metal shed. With the aid of a police K-9, Magruder was quickly located and arrested. The suspect told JSO that he believed he broke his leg when he crashed the car. He also had cuts on his hands from the metal shed and was noticeably bleeding, the report said. Magruder had crack cocaine on him, the report said. He was charged with drug possession, reckless driving and resisting arrest. Magruder, who had two other teenagers with him in the car that crashed, has never been issued a valid Florida driver's license, the report said. The report did not specify where the car had been stolen.
Tech Support Pits From: Jack Re: REMOVE!!! Take me off your mail list!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I get one more email from you I WILL turn you in to the FCC. Jack Quirk jack@kjprod.......... Hi Jack Go right ahead and make the FCC laugh about you. You can also try the FTC, and for good measure FTD. You don't have an account with us, so I can't remove you from anything. However, I would recommend that you get somebody to 'splain to you what a spoof is, and how to recognize a spoof. Then you can stop barking at the wrong tree, just to amuse me. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Patient: Doctor, I have a problem. I feel unhealthy and depressed. Doctor: You should cut down on drinks. Patient: I don't touch a drop. Doctor: You should cut down on smoking. Patient: I don't smoke. Doctor: You should stop taking drugs. Patient: I don't do drugs. Doctor: You should cut down on womanizing. Patient: Haven't touched a woman in my life. Doctor: In that case, get yourself a drink, learn to smoke, and find a couple of girlfriends.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
At a dinner party, the speaker who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver his speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it. A guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife has sent you a KISS before you begin your speech. She must love you very much." The speaker replied, "You don't know my wife. The letters stand for "Keep it short, Stupid." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remove Hard Water Deposits From Faucets Cleaning a Toaster First unplug the toaster. Open the crumb catch tray, making sure you open it over a garbage can or outside to avoid getting crumbs everywhere. To get it super clean, you can use some compressed air like you use for cleaning inside of electronic device. Never clean the inside with water. Do NOT use canned compressed air! Don't even allow it anywhere near your home! Kids inhale it to get stoned, and hundreds a year die from that. If you think you need to shoot petrified bread crumbs into your eyes and down your cleavage, use a tire pump or electric air compressor. However, unless you have weird fetishes like putting runny jam onto your toast before putting it into the toaster, it's enough to turn it upside down over your bird feeder or sidewalk, and slapping it a few times. If the neighbors are watching, tell them that your toaster is haunted and has been misbehaving. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
The oldest Native American to have ever lived.
___________________________________________________ A father, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family at the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7 year old daughter out for a drive in the car. One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold that he really didn't feel like driving at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and decided that for this Sunday she would take their daughter out. They returned just before lunch and the little girl ran upstairs to see her father. "Well" the father asked, "did you enjoy your ride with mommy?" "Oh yes Daddy" the girl replied, "and do you know what... ....we didn't see a single bastard or moron!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
"My ancestry goes all the way back to Alexander the Great," said one lady. She then turned to a second woman and asked, "How far does your family go back?" "I don't know," was the reply. "All of our records were lost in The Flood." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 1 in

1498 Christopher Columbus landed on "Isla Santa"
(Venezuela). 

1774 Oxygen was isolated from air successfully by chemist
Carl Wilhelm and scientist Joseph Priestly. 

1790 The first U.S. census was completed with a total
population of 3,929,214 recorded.

1834 Slavery was outlawed in the British empire with an
emancipation bill. 

1873 Andrew S. Hallidie successfully tested a cable car.
The design was done for San Francisco, CA. 

1893 Shredded wheat was patented by Henry Perky and William
Ford. 

1894 The first Sino-Japanese War erupted. The dispute was
over control of Korea. 

1907 The U.S. Army established an aeronautical division
that later became the U.S. Air Force. 

1914 Germany declared war on Russia at the beginning of
World War I. 

1936 Adolf Hitler presided over the Olympic games as they
opened in Berlin. 

1943 In the Solomon Islands, the U.S. Navy patrol torpedo
boat PT-109 sank after being hit by the Japanese destroyer
Amagiri. The boat was under the command of Lt. John F.
Kennedy. Eleven of the thirteen crew survived. 

1944 In Warsaw, Poland, an uprising against Nazi occupation
began. The revolt continued until October 2 when Polish
forces surrendered. 

1946 In the U.S., the Atomic Energy Commission was
established. 

1953 The first aluminum-faced building was completed. It
was the first of this type in America. 

1956 The Social Security Act was amended to provide
benefits to disabled workers aged 50-64 and disabled adult
children. 

1957 The North American Air Defense Command (NORAD) was
created by the United States and Canada. 

1995 Westinghouse Electric Corporation announced a deal to
buy CBS for $5.4 billion. 

1998 The U.S. books and music chain Borders opens its first
European outlet with a 40,000-square-foot store on London's
Oxford Street. 

2006 Cuban leader Fidel Castro turned over absolute power
when he gave his brother Raul authority while he underwent
an intestinal surgery.

2018  smiled.


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Finddirections.co 




Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday,  July 31

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Ex-superintendent proven to have repeatedly shit on HS
track plans to sue cops over mug shot
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 31 in
1980 China's population reached 1 billion. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Television – a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done. --- Ernie Kovacs The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. --- Franklin P. Jones If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; But if you really make them think, they'll hate you. --- Don Marquis ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The month of July this year will have 5 Sundays, 5 Mondays and 5 Tuesdays. Check your calendar. This happens once every 823 years. The Chinese call it "pocket full of money"ť and suggest you send this message to all your friends and within 4 days, the money will surprise you. Based in Feng Shui, those who do not forward this message can lose a great opportunity. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made. The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes. The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes. But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes. When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way..... The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures... AND I COULDN'T STOP TALKING! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Thomas Tramaglini, 42, Holmdel, New Jersey Ex-superintendent proven to have repeatedly crapped on HS track plans to sue cops over mug shot. The now former Kenilworth schools superintendent accused of repeatedly pooping at a high school track near his home has notified Holmdel police he plans to file a lawsuit over the mug shot taken after his arrest, according legal documents filed by his attorney. Thomas Tramaglini claims Holmdel police should not have photographed him at police headquarters because the public defecation, lewdness and litter charges, which remain pending, were low-level municipal offenses. "It’s like getting photographed and fingerprinted for a speeding ticket," his attorney Matthew Adams said in an email to NJ Advance Media. "On May 1, 2018, officers or agents of the Holmdel Police Department unlawfully took Dr. Tramaglini's photograph and distributed and disseminated the 'mug shot' to third parties, including the media with the intent to harm Dr. Tramaglini," according the court filing. The filing, known as a tort claim notice, by Tramgalini is a required legal step in advance of a full lawsuit. It lists potential damages of more than $1 million due to loss of income, harm to his reputation, emotional distress and invasion of privacy. “It is our position that the photograph that has been widely disseminated was unlawfully taken and maliciously distributed,” Adams said in a phone interview Friday. The Kenilworth board of education announced Thursday that it had accepted Tramaglini's resignation from his superintendent job, which paid $147,500 annually plus a potential bonus. He also made $5,700 per semester as a part-time lecturer at Rutgers University, according to his legal filing. Tramaglini, 42, of Aberdeen, was arrested at 5:50 a.m. on May 1 at the Holmdel High School track. The Kenilworth board of education announced Thursday that it had accepted Tramaglini's resignation from his superintendent job, which paid $147,500 annually plus a potential bonus. He also made $5,700 per semester as a part-time lecturer at Rutgers University, according to his legal filing. Tramaglini, 42, of Aberdeen, was arrested at 5:50 a.m. on May 1 at the Holmdel High School track. Police began monitoring the track, which is about three miles from Tramaglini's townhouse, after receiving reports of human feces being found daily, authorities said. Officials were soon able to identify Tramaglini as the person responsible for defecating on the track, according to Holmdel police. According to the arrest report, there are two DVDs with surveillance video footage. Tramaglini made a first appearance in court June 12 and has since pleaded not guilty. He is due back in Holmdel municipal court at 11 a.m. on Aug. 13. Tramaglini had been on paid leave from his superintendent job since his arrest. The Kenilworth board of education accepted Tramaglini's resignation on Thursday. An email and voicemail sent by the board of education to staff that evening said his resignation is effective Sept. 30. He was hired in February 2016.
Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Finddirections.co Dear Webby A good morning to you. Another question. When I open my Firefox, I get this popup. Is this something to be concerned with? Should I do anything to "fix" it or just ignore it as I have done for a few days. Many thanks for your reply and many thanks for your great newsletters. Jim Dear Jim finddirections.co is phony. FRAUD! It is a domain, that is apparently taken over by scammers. That is quite common with domains, that are no longer in use. Not surprising that Malwarebytes blocks it. Check the extensions or whatever they are called in FireFox, and see if you still have an extension calling for that domain. It USED to be a map and direction finding program, that is no longer in use. There has been a big shake-up with those programs, and most of them I don't trust. Usually I use Google Earth, straight from Google Earth, without allowing any parasites, that try to sneak in, or mapquest. Those two are still good. The pictures of the day for the last two days were from Google Earth. By the way, ONE lady wrote that she spotted the woman in the badlands first, before the guy. Congratulations, Barbara! Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
One of the airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for business women to take their hubands along on business trips. Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the husbands of business women who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Responses are still pouring in asking, "What trip???"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Greg and Ron were in a lodge, making small talk. Greg asked Ron, "So, what do you hunt?" Ron answered, "I hunt unicorns." Greg was startled, but said, "Really? How do you do that?" Ron answered "I find a virgin and hire her to help me. The virgin sits around in the woods until a unicorn comes to her. When it does, it sets off a snare." Greg said "Boy, they must be hard to find. I've heard of them, but I've never seen one." Ron replied "Yeah, and there aren't many unicorns around, either!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remove Hard Water Deposits From Faucets To remove vinegar deposits that accumulate on faucets from hard water, fill a bag with vinegar and tie the bag to the faucet. Allow the faucet to soak in the vinegar for a couple of hours. When you remove the bag, the deposits should be gone. Repeat if necessary. The ends of cucumbers work quite well too. I have afaucet that leaks a tiny bit where it swivels, and produces a white calcium stain from our very hard water. Putting an end of a cucumber on that stain makes it disappear overneight. For tap stems and fixtures you can rip an old t-shirt into strips and wrap them tightly around the fixtures, then soak them with vinegar. After an hour you can undo the strips and use them to polish off what mineralization remains. Plain white vinegar works just fine. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
The most amazing archival treasures digitized in 2017
___________________________________________________ A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?" ____________________________________________________

Today, July 31 in
1498 Christopher Columbus, on his third voyage to the
Western Hemisphere, arrived at the island of Trinidad. 

1790 The first U.S. patent was issued to Samuel Hopkins for
his process for making potash and pearl ashes. The
substance was used in fertilizer. 

1792 The cornerstone of the U.S. Mint in Philadelphia, PA,
was laid. It was the first building to be used only as a
U.S. government building. 

1919 Germany's Weimar Constitution was adopted. 

1928 MGM’s Leo the lion roared for the first time. He
introduced MGM’s first talking picture, "White Shadows on
the South Seas." 

1932 Enzo Ferrari retired from racing. In 1950 he launched
a series of cars under his name. 

1945 Pierre Laval of France surrendered to Americans in
Austria. 

1955 Marilyn Bell of Toronto, Canada, at age 17, became the
youngest person to swim the English Channel. 

1959 The Euskadi Ta Askatasuna (ETA) was founded. The group
is known for being an armed Basque nationalist and
separatist organization. 

1964 The American space probe Ranger 7 transmitted pictures
of the moon's surface. 

1971 Men rode in a vehicle on the moon for the first time
in a lunar rover vehicle (LRV). 

1980 China's population reached 1 billion. 

1982 Yugoslavia imposed a six-month freeze on prices. 

1989 A pro-Iranian group in Lebanon released a videotape
reportedly showing the hanged body of American hostage
William R. Higgins. 

1989 The Game Boy handheld video game device was released
in the U.S. 

1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush and Soviet President
Mikhail Gorbachev signed the Strategic Arms Reduction
Treaty. 

1995 The Walt Disney Company agreed to acquire Capital
Cities/ABC in a $19 billion deal. 

1999 The spacecraft Lunar Prospect crashed into the moon.
It was a mission to detect frozen water on the moon's
surface. The craft had been launched on January 6, 1998. 

2007 The iTunes Music Store reached 2 million feature
length films sold. 

2018  smiled.


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Good Morning, !
Today is Monday,  July 30

Did ANYBODY find the big guy and his wife in yesterday's picture?



Fire fighters curled up on the ground in the back yard of
the house they just saved the night before, resting up for
the next shift in their battle with the  #CarrFire.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Naked guy nabbed for exercises 
in Mcdonald's women's bathroom 
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 30 in
1945 The USS Indianapolis was torpedoed by a Japanese
submarine. The ship had just delivered key components of
the Hiroshima atomic bomb to the Pacific island of Tinian.
Only 316 out of 1,196 men aboard survived the attack. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. --- Robert Benchley (1889 - 1945) If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; But if you really make them think, they'll hate you. --- Don Marquis ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A magazine reporter is traveling through a rainforest in search of a fabled cannibalistic tribe. He wanders through the thick jungle for days upon days, and it seems like his journey's going to amount to nothing. As he ventures deeper into it, his attention is drawn to something hanging overhead in the canopy and decides to take a closer look. Suddenly, he falls into a trap, is knocked unconscious and wakes up tied to a stake with a fire burning slowly underneath him. He cries out for help, and is answered by what is obviously one of the tribesmen, who informs him that he is going to be served as dinner to the leader of the tribe. "But you don't understand!" he cries, "You can't do this to me! I'm an editor for the New Yorker magazine!" "Ah," replies the tribesman, "Well soon you will be editor- in-chief!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Grand Prismatic Spring 44.525049, -110.83819 Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming, USA _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brody Young, 25, Nashville, Tennessee Naked guy nabbed for exercises in Mcdonald's women's bathroom A naked man who police found doing jumping jacks in the women’s bathroom of a McDonald’s in Tennessee was arrested Monday on public indecency, trespass, and public intoxication charges. Police were summoned to a McDonald’s in Nashville due to a “male subject who was locked in the womens restroom naked,” according to a court affidavit. Restaurant management reported that the man had “been there all day.” A patrolman reported encountering Brody Young, 25, in the bathroom. Young, the cop added, “was indeed naked.” Young, seen at right, was “erratic and doing jumping jacks and hitting the wall,” reported the cop, who noted a strong chemical odor in the bathroom, evidence that the intoxicated Young had likely been huffing. Deemed a “danger to himself and others,” Young was taken into custody and charged with several misdemeanors. “Mr. Young has priors for huffing,” the affidavit states. During a court appearance this morning, Young pleaded guilty to criminal trespass and was fined $329. Prosecutors dropped indecency and public intoxication counts. Young, who is barred from entering the McDonald’s (seen below), remains locked up in the county jail due to an outstanding warrant.
Tech Support Pits From: Jai Re: Icon text Boxes Dear Webby I just added a new desktop photo, and it looks awful with all those black boxes all over the screen. Blah! Alas, I am so bad, I cannot find it in Tweak IU. There is no setting there, I went thru every tiny part of it and could not find it. Would it be possible for you to give me more information as to "how to"? I sure would appreciate it. I really want the transparent backgrounds!!! Thanks my friend, Jai Dear Jai couldn't remember how to do it, so I looked it up. Seems I last wrote about it in May 2005: The icon text background transparency has absolutely nothing to do with system performance, but that's where the toggle for it is. 1. Open the Control Panel 2. Click System 3. Click the Advanced tab 4. Click Settings in the Performance section 5. Select Custom 6. Check the "Use drop shadows for icon labels on the desktop" checkbox 7. Click OK until you close the windows Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Bob moved into an apartment and went shopping for cleaning equipment. His cart was loaded with a broom, mop, dust-pan, sponges and a full array of cleaning products. At the last minute he topped off his cart with a lone food purchase -- a large bag of potato chips. Seeing the checkout clerk's quizzical look, he explained, "I'm a very messy eater."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Nine year old Little Johnny, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission, to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge so that the cops could not follow them, and all the Israelites were saved." "Now, Johnny, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked, scornfully. "Well, no, Mom. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No More Soggy Sandwiches Instead of making the sandwich before you leave, pack the sandwich ingredients separately. Put the bread, meat and cheese in one bag or container and the veggies in another. Use small reusable condiment containers to bring your favorite condiments. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
The great stone walls of Avila.
___________________________________________________ A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class: "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However," he continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah. Right." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
>From Lilly When my husband was a student at Tennessee Temple University, I often asked him to do errands after class, tying ribbons on his fingers to remind him. A good sport, he didn't protest, even though his classmates obviously noticed my little reminders. One day he had to have a mole removed from above his ear and emerged from the doctor's office with his head wrapped in a white bandage. When he walked into class, everyone just stared. Finally one student blurted out, "Whatever your wife wants you to remember today, it must be REALLY important." ____________________________________________________

Today, July 30 in
1502 Christopher Columbus landed at Guanaja in the Bay
Islands off the coast of Honduras during his fourth voyage.


1729 The city of Baltimore was founded in Maryland. 

1898 "Scientific America" carried the first magazine
automobile ad. The ad was for the Winton Motor Car Company
of Cleveland, OH. 

1942 The WAVES were created by legislation signed by U.S.
President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The members of the Women's
Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service were a part of the
U.S. Navy. 

1945 The USS Indianapolis was torpedoed by a Japanese
submarine. The ship had just delivered key components of
the Hiroshima atomic bomb to the Pacific island of Tinian.
Only 316 out of 1,196 men aboard survived the attack. 

1956 The phrase "In God We Trust" was adopted as the U.S.
national motto. 

1965 U.S. President Johnson signed into law Social Security
Act that established Medicare and Medicaid. It went into
effect the following year. 

1987 Indian troops arrived in Jaffna, Sri Lanka, to disarm
the Tamil Tigers and enforce a peace pact. 

1990 In Spring Hill, TN, the first Saturn automobile rolled
off the assembly line. 

1991 In China, construction began on the Oriental Pearl
Radio & TV Tower. 

1998 A group of Ohio machine-shop workers (who call
themselves the Lucky 13) won the $295.7 million Powerball
jackpot. It was the largest-ever American lottery. 

2001 Lance Armstrong became the first American to win three
consecutive Tours de France. 

2003 In Mexico, the last 'old style' Volkswagen Beetle
rolled off an assembly line. 

2018  smiled.


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Wired or wireless network at home? 




Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday,  July 29

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:

Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 29 in
1914 The first transcontinental telephone service was
inaugurated when two people held a conversation between New
York, NY and San Francisco, CA. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The most radical revolutionary will become a conservative the day after the revolution. --- Hannah Arendt (1906 - 1975) Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers. --- Daniel J. Boorstin (1914 - ) Seeing ourselves as others see us would probably confirm our worst suspicions about them. --- Franklin P. Adams ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ When I lived in a dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights. Dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets. Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most frequent target was the Resident Assistant. Approaching his room one afternoon, he noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door's edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he exclaimed, " You crazy guys actually thought you could fool me with THAT old gag!" It was then he realized we had removed the drainpipe under the sink and turned the "U" trap to point at his crotch. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The Badlands Guardian and his wife 50° 0’38.20?N 110° 6’48.32?W Walsh, Alberta, Canada Who do you see first? The guy or his wife? _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ >Thanks to Linda for this one: A social worker from a big city in Massawhosits recently transferred to the mountains of West Virginia and was on the first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life. Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door. "Anybody home?" she asked. "Yep," came a kid's voice through the door. "Is your father there?" asked the social worker. "Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in," said the kid. "Well, is your mother there?" persisted the social worker. "Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here," said the kid. "But," protested the social worker, "are you never together as a family?" "Sure, but not here," said the kid through the door. "This is the outhouse.” ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by William Grappy, 30, Tampa, Florida Florida man stole ice cream truck A 30-year-old unemployed man apparently decided to be an ice cream truck driver for the night after he stole a pink and white ice cream truck from Angler Avenue on Okaloosa Island early Friday morning, lawmen say. William Grappy, a California man whose current address is listed in Tampa, opened the unlocked ice cream truck shortly after midnight and found the keys inside, according to a press release from the Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office. The truck owner’s girlfriend saw Grappy drive off in the vehicle and followed him. Grappy ditched the truck behind the Tom Thumb at 1209 Miracle Strip Parkway and ran away, the press release said. Okaloosa County sheriff’s deputies found Grappy, who they said apologized for “being an idiot.” There was about $1,200 worth of ice cream inside the unlocked $10,000 vehicle. Grappy was charged with burglary, grand theft of a motor vehicle and possession of marijuana. Two “nuggets” of marijuana were found in his pants pockets, according to the release.
Tech Support Pits From: Lucille Re: Wired or wireless? Dear Webby What is faster for a home office network, old fashioned cable or wireless? I know I can't go by what the computer magazines say, because those guys never paid for their toys and have to watch who pays for the ads. The machines are not used for high file traffic games, just for office work, but in 4 different rooms. We are moving and I need to quickly decide whether to have the new place cabled or not. Thanks Lucille Dear Lucille Professionally installing cables so that they are hidden, with neat and clean wall jacks, is neither cheap nor fast. If you go that route, check with burglar alarm system installers. They know how to securely hide cables so that absolutely nothing shows. Wireless will be cheaper, and can be set up in an evening. Pretty well all modern modems have wireless antennas. The only work involved will be setting passwords and permissions. If you are not comfortable with doing that, you can probably entice a neighborhood kid to do that for a nice chocolate cake or bag of beef jerky. The file transfer speed of wireless is better than cable, as long as there are no fridges or metal file cabinets bouncing the signal around, and as long as the distance is not over 50 feet, otherwise the file transfer speed is lower than cable. Ethernet cable speed is not likely to improve in the future. That is a set standard. However, wireless is getting better by the season. If you have one or more "roaming" laptops, go with wireless. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
BACK IN MY DAY In my day, we didn't have no rocks. We had to go down to the creek and wash our clothes by beating them with our heads. Back in the 1970s we didn't have the space shuttle to get all excited about. We had to settle for men walking on the crummy moon. In my day, we didn't have hand-held calculators. We had to do addition on our fingers. To subtract, we had to cut off somebody's fingers. In my day, we didn't have water. We had to smash together our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms. Kids today think the world revolves around them. In my day, the sun revolved around the world, and the world was perched on the back of a giant tortoise. In my day, we didn't have virtual reality. If a one-eyed, razorback barbarian warrior was chasing you with an ax, you had to kill him with a shovel.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The new inmate at the mental hospital announced in a loud voice that he was the famous British naval hero, Lord Nelson. This was particularly interesting, because the institution already had a "Lord Nelson." The head psychiatrist, after due consideration, decided to put the two men in the same room, feeling that the similarity of their delusions might prompt an adjustment in each that would help in curing them. It was a calculated risk, of course, for the two men might react violently to one another, but they were introduced and then left alone and no disturbance was heard from the room that night. The next morning, the doctor had a talk with his new patient and was more than pleasantly surprised when he was told "Doctor, I've been suffering from a delusion. I know now for a fact that I am not Lord Nelson." "That's wonderful," said the doctor. "Who are you?" Smiling coyly, the patient replied, "I'm Lady Nelson." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning the Microwave Fill a microwave safe bowl 3/4 of the way with water. Add a slice of lemon (or vinegar) to the water and then heat it until steaming in the microwave. Remove the hot bowl of water and wipe the microwave out with a damp sponge. Food splatters should wipe off easily. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Cropmarks: How dry weather can reveal hidden archaeological sites.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Kati for this classic: An old lady is walking around in a supermarket calling out, "Crisco, Crisssssssco!" Soon a store clerk approaches and says, "Lady, the Crisco is in aisle D." The old lady replies, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff. I'm calling my husband." The clerk is astonished. "Your husband's name is Crisco?" The old lady answers, "Oh no, no, no. I only call him that when we're out in public." "I see," said the clerk. "What do you call him at home?" "Lardo." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A synagogue had just opened for business while at the same time a Catholic church opened across the street. After some time the Rabbi noticed that a convent had been added to the church, More time later a Catholic school was built, then a gymnasium. Concerned the Rabbi called together his staff and expressed his concern, "We've been here the same amount of time as our neighbors and look, they've grown while we still have our same small temple - what are we doing wrong?" And so it was decided, they'd send Morris to attend a service on Sunday and check out what was going on over there. Sunday comes and all the men from the congregation are peeking thru the windows as Morris enters the church. Not 15 minutes later and Morris comes flying across the street, yelling and waving his arms. "So what happened?" says the Rabbi "Oy, you wouldn't believe it" says Morris "I go into the church, I sit down, then from the left a guy in a dress comes out unto the stage and he's chanting "I can play dominoes better than you can - I can play dominoes better than you can", then from the right of the stage some young boys swinging incense followed by another guy in a dress starts chanting "I bet you don't - I bet you don't" then back and forth they go "I can play dominoes better than you can - I bet you don't", then from outta' the back four men in black suits come down the aisles and pick up the bets !!!" ____________________________________________________

Today, July 29 in
1588 The English defeated the Spanish Armada in the Battle
of Gravelines. 

1754 The first international boxing match was held. The 25-
minute match was won when Jack Slack of Britain knocked out
Jean Petit from France. 

1914 The first transcontinental telephone service was
inaugurated when two people held a conversation between New
York, NY and San Francisco, CA. 

1940 John Sigmund of St. Louis, MO, completed a 292-mile
swim down the Mississippi River. The swim from St. Louis to
Caruthersville, MO took him 89 hours and 48 minutes. 

1950 Disney's adaptation of Robert Louis Stevenson's
"Treasure Island" was released. 

1957 The International Atomic Energy Agency was
established. 

1958 The National Aeronautics and Space Administration
(NASA) was authorized by the U.S. Congress. 

1968 Pope Paul VI reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's
stance against artificial methods of birth control. 

1975 OAS (Organization of American States) members voted to
lift collective sanctions against Cuba. The U.S. government
welcomed the action and announced its intention to open
serious discussions with Cuba on normalization. 

1981 England's Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer were
married. 

1985 General Motors announced that Spring Hill, TN, would
be the home of the Saturn automobile assembly plant. 

1993 The Israeli Supreme Court acquitted retired Ohio
autoworker John Demjanjuk of being Nazi death camp guard
"Ivan the Terrible." His death sentence was thrown out and
he was set free. 

1997 Minamata Bay in Japan was declared free of mercury 40
years after contaminated food fish were blamed for deaths
and birth defects. 

1998 The United Auto Workers union ended a 54-day strike
against General Motors. The strike caused $2.8 billion in
lost revenues. 

2005 Astronomers announced that they had discovered a new
planet (Xena) larger than Pluto in orbit around the sun. 

2018  smiled.


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Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday,  July 28

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:

Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 28 in
1866 The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress
for the standardization of weights and measures throughout
the United States. The metric system dates back to 1668.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Man is ready to die for an idea, provided that idea is not quite clear to him. --- Paul Eldridge ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: I feel inadequate when talking with a mechanic, so when my vehicle started making a strange noise, I sought help from a friend. He drove the car around the block, listened carefully, then told me how to explain the difficulty when I took it in for repair. At the shop I proudly recited, "The timing is off, and there are premature detonations, which may damage the valves." As I smugly glanced over the mechanic's shoulder, I saw him write on his clipboard, "Lady says it makes a funny noise." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Hussaini Hanging Bridge, Pakistan _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ THEN…In walked a very stern looking English teacher and a hush fell over the room as the kids scurried to their seats. The stern teacher silently panned his gaze across all the kids. After about a minute or so, he spoke: "From the outset, I want you all to know that there are two words that are absolutely unacceptable in this classroom. You cannot use them as you recite, or in any of your papers, tests, or homework. Using these words even once, will get you a failing grade for that quarter. The first one is "gross". And the other one is "cool". Are there any questions?" After a few moments of silence, this gawky teen at the back of the room raises his hand, and the teacher calls upon him. In a pubescent croaking voice, the kid asks: "So, what are they?" ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gary Smith, 46, Michael Christian Simmons, 48, Southport, N.C. Entire North Carolina police department suspended after arrest of chief, lieutenant An entire police department in North Carolina was put on leave after the arrest of the department’s chief and lieutenant, according to WECT. The Southport Police Department’s police chief and lieutenant were arrested Thursday for allegedly moonlighting as truck drivers while officially on the clock at the police department. All police operations in the city were suspended after the arrests, and the whole police force is out on paid administrative leave. SPD Chief Gary Smith, 46, and Lt. Michael Christian Simmons, 48, face charges of conspiracy to obtain property by false pretenses, willful failure to discharge duties and obstruction of justice. Smith and Simmons are accused of driving overnight shifts for a trucking company while on the clock at the Southport Police Department. The name of the trucking company has not been released. The allegations state that the trucking jobs took to the two high-ranking officers out of the city and county while they were supposed to be on patrol in Southport. Smith was arrested Thursday morning and placed under a $10,000 unsecured bond. He posted bail and was released, WECT reports. Simmons was arrested during a Thursday afternoon news conference regarding the investigation. “It is indeed that I get before you today with a heart laden with grief for all these events that happened today,” said Southport Mayor Jerry Dove, according to WECT. “It was a shock to me to hear all these, being a former chief and knowing the officers that worked in that department and hired at least half of them.” The mayor and city’s board of alderman request the Brunswick County Sheriff’s Office to lead law enforcement in Southport until further notice.
Tech Support Pits From: Helga Re: Numeric keys for laptop Dear Webby The numeric keypad keys on my laptop are dual-function keys embedded in the regular keyboard. It does have the numbers again on top, but I can't get any speed going with those. Is there a solution for that? Thanks Helga Dear Helga Numeric keypads used to be quite cheap, but because of the huge demand, the price went up. Honeywell sells one for $530, obviously for Government use only. However, even a Targus currently costs twice as much as a standard keyboard, that has the numeric keypad on it. I have always travelled with a standard 18" keyboard, that just fits into my laptop backpack. Those keyboards have been with me on many mountains and through most American deserts. Just find a standard keyboard, that will fit into your laptop case or backpack. They are from $12 up, and just plug into any USB port. For $50 you can even get them wireless, but that seems to me to be a waste of money, unless you plan to use a big 48" monitor 8 feet away from the couch and you being 10 feet away from the laptop. Measure your laptop case and then get a suitable keyboard at Walmart or Staples. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A hospital posted a notice in the nurses' break room saying: "Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the most dangerous." Underneath, a nurse had written: "The last five are pretty risky, too."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physical examination whereupon the doctor said "You are in fine shape for your age, but tell me, do you still have intercourse?" "Just a minute, I'll have to ask my husband," she said. She went out to the reception room and said: "Jake do we still have intercourse?" Jake answered, "Nah, I told you last time already. We have Blue Cross!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Frugal Weight Loss Eat an apple and drink a full glass of water before eating dinner. Both are good for you and will allow you to feel full more quickly. This will prevent you from eating too much of the actual dinner, which may not be as good for you. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Cropmarks: How dry weather can reveal hidden archaeological sites.
___________________________________________________ A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car. "Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by. >From around the curve they heard a big splash. "Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says 'bridge out' instead?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
THREE BAD NUNS There were these three nuns and they were tired of being good all of the time, so they went to the priest and asked if they could be bad for one day. He said that they could do one thing wrong but they had to come straight back and tell him what they did. The first nun comes back. "And what did you do wrong, Sister?" "I mooned the rabbi next door, and nearly gave him a heart attack." "Very well, go drink holy water." The Second nun comes back shortly afterwards. "And what did you do wrong, Sister" he asks again. "I spiked the fruit punch at the bingo ." "Very well, go drink holy water." Just then the third nun comes up to the priest and again he asks, "And what did you do wrong, Sister." "I peed in the holy water." ____________________________________________________

Today, July 28 in
1821 Peru declared its independence from Spain. 

1865 The American Dental Association proposed its first
code of ethics. 

1866 The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress
for the standardization of weights and measures throughout
the United States. 

1914 World War I officially began when Austria-Hungary
demanded that Serbia turn over the assassin of the Austrian
Crown Prince.

1932 Federal troops forcibly dispersed the "Bonus Army" of
World War I veterans who had gathered in Washington, DC.
They were demanding money they were not scheduled to
receive until 1945. 

1942 L.A. Thatcher received a patent for a coin-operated
mailbox. The device stamped envelopes when money was
inserted. 

1945 A U.S. Army bomber crashed into the 79th floor of New
York City's Empire State Building. 14 people were killed
and 26 were injured. 

1965 U.S. President Johnson announced he was increasing the
number of American troops in South Vietnam from 75,000 to
125,000. 

1982 San Francisco, CA, became the first city in the U.S.
to ban handguns. 

1998 Bell Atlantic and GTE announced $52 billion deal that
created the second-largest phone company. 

1998 Serbian military forces seized the Kosovo town of
Malisevo. 

1998 Monica Lewinsky received blanket immunity from
prosecution to testify before a grand jury about her
relationship with U.S. President Clinton. 

2006 Researchers announced that two ancient reptiles had
been found off Australia. The Umoonasaurus and
Opallionectes were the first of their kind to be found in
the period soon after the Jurassic era.

2018  smiled.


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Change Windows start-up sequence 




Good Morning, !
Today is Friday,  July 27
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Kentucky man tried fighting deputy
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 27 in
1921 Canadian biochemist Frederick Banting and associates 
announced the discovery of the hormone insulin. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. --- Calvin Trillin (1935 - ) Punctuality is the virtue of the bored. --- Evelyn Waugh (1903 - 1966) Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. --- Jackie Mason (1934 - ) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks for Cookie for bringing back this classic: Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce a year before. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it." Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding." Jennifer just smiled at her mother. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?" The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license plate number!" "That's no help," Bubba replied, "I'm using the license plate I stole off the mayor's truck to cut down on the speeding tickets." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Robert Kazee 39, London, Kentucky Kentucky man tried fighting deputy A London, Kentucky, man was about to be arrested, but he was determined not to go down without a fight. The Laurel County Sheriff’s Office said Deputy Taylor McDaniel responded to a call that Robert Kazee was “walking down the road, screaming and causing a disturbance” on Green Acres Road, eight miles south of London, about 3:50 p.m. Monday. When McDaniel arrived, Kazee, 39, of London, was still in the road, according to the sheriff’s office. McDaniel told Kazee that he was under arrest, and Kazee responded by taking his shirt off and fighting McDaniel. “Deputy McDaniel was finally able to get Kazee into his cruiser,” but while McDaniel was driving to the jail, Kazee started kicking the windows of the cruiser, so McDaniel had to stop “and subdue Kazee,” the sheriff’s office said. “During this time, Kazee assaulted Deputy McDaniel and Major Chuck Johnson,” according to the sheriff’s office. Kazee was taken to the Laurel County Detention Center. He is charged with two counts of third-degree assault of a police officer, as well as public intoxication, resisting arrest, disorderly conduct and menacing.
Tech Support Pits From: A few people Re: Windows start-up sequence Dear Webby How can I re-arrange the start-up sequence for different programs in Windows to get to the mail faster? Dears Messing with the start-up sequence is more of a black art than a clear science. Windows doesn't really start things one at a time, but more like the "But first..." joke from a few days ago. And before all that, it loads parts of Internet Explorer to make magazine testers think MSIE loads faster than Chrome, Firefox or Oprera, when you open a browser. Then it starts loading stuff, but while it is waiting for the hard drive to deliver what it needs for that, it starts loading more stuff. Even though it appears as insane as a Chinese Fire Drill in Vancouver, it does actually finish loading everything in the shortest possible time. If you mess with it, it is probably going to take longer. You can probably get better results if you simply use the Tools in CrapCleaner and dump no longer fashionable utilities and stuff right out of the start-up sequence. You can also get to your mail faster if you reduce the restore period in MailWasher to the minimum. If you don't miss any mail in one day, you are probably not going to root through the spam restore bin a few days later. Also age off the blacklist in 2 days max. Spammers don't use the same forged name twice in a row anyway. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A friend of mine was trying to figure out the best way to break up with her boyfriend. She seemed awfully concerned that he not be angry. "Are you afraid he'll spread lies about you?" I asked. "I don't mind the lies, but if he ever tells the truth, I'll break his bloody neck," she answered.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The closest to perfection anyone ever comes is when he or she fills out a job application form. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Check the Date When Buying Dairy When buying milk or any dairy product at the grocery store, be sure to check the "use by" or "sell buy" date on the packaging. If the date is not to your liking, grab a carton from the back of shelf. There is no sense is buying products that will go bad before you can use them. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
A Bulgarian Monastery, Rila Monastery "Saint Ivan of Rila"
___________________________________________________ When the family car developed a slight knock, the husband asked his wife if she had bought prmium or regular gas, but she couldn't remember. "You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for the engine running so rough." "No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly. "Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband probingly. "It cost the same as always." said the wife. "I told the man to put in the usual ten dollars worth." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
NEW DEFINITIONS Seamstress \seem'-stres\: Describes 250 pounds in a size six. Selfish \sel'-fish\: What the owner of a seafood store does. Subdued \sub-dood'\: Like, a guy, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man. Sudafed \sood'-a-fed\: Bringing litigation against a government official. Arbitrator \ar'-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. Avoidable \uh-voy'-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to do. Baloney \buh-lo'-nee\: Where some hemlines fall. Bernadette \burn'-a-det\: The act of torching a bill. Burglarize \bur'-gler-ize\: What a crook sees with. Control \kon-trol'\: A short, ugly inmate. ____________________________________________________

Today, July 27 in
1214 At the Battle of Bouvines in France, Philip Augustus of France
defeated John of England. 

1245 Frederick II was deposed by a council at Lyons after they found
him guilty of sacrilege. 

1663 The British Parliament passed a second Navigation Act, which
required all goods bound for the colonies be sent in British ships
from British ports. 

1689 Government forces defeated the Scottish Jacobites at the Battle
of Killiecrankie. 

1784 "Courier De L’Amerique" became the first French newspaper to be
published in the United States. It was printed in Philadelphia, PA. 

1777 The marquis of Lafayette arrived in New England to help the
rebellious American colonists fight the British. 

1778 The British and French fleets fought to a standoff in the first
Battle of Ushant. 

1866 Cyrus Field successfully completed the Atlantic Cable. It was an
underwater telegraph from North America to Europe. 

1909 Orville Wright set a record for the longest airplane flight. He
was testing the first Army airplane and kept it in the air for 1 hour
12 minutes and 40 seconds. 

1914 British troops invaded the streets of Dublin, Ireland, and began
to disarm Irish rebels. 

1918 The Socony 200 was launched. It was the first concrete barge and
was used to carry oil. 

1921 Canadian biochemist Frederick Banting and associates announced
the discovery of the hormone insulin. 

1940 Bugs Bunny made his official debut in the Warner Bros. animated
cartoon "A Wild Hare." 

1944 U.S. troops completed the invasion of Guam. 

1953 The armistice agreement that ended the Korean War was signed at
Panmunjon, Korea. 

1955 The Allied occupation of Austria ended. 

1964 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson sent an additional 5,000 advisers
to South Vietnam. 

1965 In the U.S., the Federal Cigarette Labeling and Advertising Act
was signed into law. The law required health warnings on all
cigarette packages. 

1967 U.S. President Johnson appointed the Kerner Commission to assess
the causes of the violence in the wake of urban rioting. 

1974 The U.S. Congress asked for impeachment procedures against
President Richard Nixon. 

1980 The deposed shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, died in a
hospital near Cairo, Egypt. 

1995 The Korean War Veterans Memorial was dedicated in Washington,
DC, by U.S. President Clinton and South Korean President Kim Young-
sam. 

1999 The U.S. space shuttle Discovery completed a five-day mission
commanded by Air Force Col. Eileen Collins. It was the first shuttle
mission to be commanded by a woman. 

2003 It was reported by the BBC (British Broadcasting Corp.) that
there was no monster in Loch Ness. The investigation used 600
separate sonar beams and satellite navigation technology to trawl the
loch. Reports of sightings of the "Loch Ness Monster" began in the
6th century. 

2006 Intel Corp introduced its Core 2 Duo microprocessors.

2018  smiled.


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Eudora slowed down after 7 years 




Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday,  July 26

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Drunk Texan woman bit off, 
swallowed chunk of victim's nose 
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 26 in
1881 Thomas Edison and Patrick Kenny execute a patent application
for a facsimile telegraph (U.S. Pat. 479,184). 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Rogues are preferable to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest. --- Alexandre Dumas (1802 - 1870) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Too klutzy for eating candy A Michigan woman is claiming that a Mars candy turned into locked her jaw, and now she's suing Mars. Victoria McArthur said she locked her jaw while eating Starburst candies. She said a piece of the candy caused her top and bottom teeth to stick together, resulting in a condition called "temporal mandibular joint dysfunction." McArthur is demanding $25,000 from the Mars Corp. to pay for her rehabilitation, plus compensation for her pain and suffering. She may have difficulty proving in court that she locked her jaw because of eating a Mars candy, and not because of trying to say "temporal mandibular joint dysfunction" while eating another brand of candy. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ "My wooden leg was hurting me something fierce last night," complained Art, a Viet Nam Vet. That's impossible," said his neighbour, "How can a wooden leg hurt you?" The vet replied, "My old lady hit me over the head with it when I came in late." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jessica Collins, 41, Spring, Houston, Texas Drunk Texan woman bit off, swallowed chunk of victim's nose A Texan woman is facing an assault charge after allegedly biting off and swallowing a large chunk of the nose of a female victim, according to investigators. Jessica Collins, 41, was arrested Thursday for the bloody attack in Spring, a Houston suburb. Collins, seen at right, was released from custody after posting $1000 bond on the misdemeanor charge. She is scheduled for a July 19 court appearance. Collins, who lives in Conroe, another Houston suburb, was staying with a female neighbor of the 28-year-old victim. After spending Wednesday evening at a local bar, the three women returned to the victim’s home, where Collins--seeking to keep the party going--asked her host for booze and cigarettes. Instead, the victim asked Collins to leave her residence, a request that allegedly prompted Collins to attack the woman. After yanking the victim to the floor by her hair, Collins allegedly bit off a large piece from the bridge of the woman’s nose. The woman, who needs emergency plastic surgery, told KTRK that she tried to fight off Collins, “but I couldn't. All I could remember was the taste of blood in my mouth.” She also recalled calling her husband while in an ambulance: “I was screaming, like, ‘I don't have a nose. I’m 28 years old and I don't have a nose anymore.’” A court filing accuses Collins of intentionally causing bodily injury to the victim by “biting Complainant with her mouth.” As a condition of her bond, Collins, a divorced mother of three, has been ordered to have no contact with the victim. According to her Facebook page, Collins works at Michaels, the arts and crafts chain, and has studied therapeutic massage. A friend of the victim has started a GoFundMe campaign to raise $12,000 to cover medical costs. “Because of the missing piece was never recovered, my friend now needs reconstructive plastic surgery,” notes the solicitation, which adds that the victim was assaulted by a “mentally unstable person” who “lunged at my friend, biting off her nose and swallowing it.”
Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Slow Eudora Dear Webby I did everything that you suggested. There is a bit of an improvement, but Eudora still hangs. The only way that I know around this annoyance is to delete the program through "task master" then restart it. Also programs still are slow to open. For example, PowerChute, my battery backup program takes 23 seconds to open. Then it takes 10 seconds to close it. Do you have any other suggestions to improve the performance of my old W 7 machine, other than formatting the HD and starting over? Thanks again. Bill Dear Bill In Eudora, move all mail except July from the INBOX to a new box that you name, for example PRE-JULY-18 Same thing with the OUT box. Dump the trash Look for where the attachments go. Same thing, move most of them to a new box with a different name. Look for where the EMBEDDED files go. You might have a gazillion Incredimail butterflies and crap. Browse that file with PSP or your favorite graphics program. Sort them by size. 99% of the small crap IS crap. You might be able to tag 10,000 of them and dump them. Just keep the real keepers. Dump the trash again. IN, OUT, EMBEDDED, ATTACHMENTS and TRASH should be as lean as possible. Then Eudora will be fast. You might also want to do some drastic weeding out with your backup. Back up onto a 16 or 32 GB camera chip, then dump the backup on the machine. If it has to check a Gazillion files if they are older or newer, that takes time. The backup program probably does not delete 10 year old files, that are long obsolete. Dump it, and then do a fresh backup. ------------------- Bill wrote back to tell me that Eudora does not hang anymore, and is fast now. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO... I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I went to a medical clinic for an electrocardiogram. While the technician was lining up her machine, I told her I have dextrocardia. "What's that?" she asked. "It means my heart is on the right side of my chest rather than on the left," I answered. "You should set up your machine to accommodate that." As she attached the wires, she asked casually, "Tell me, have you had that for long?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Growing Celery From Kitchen Scraps By Judy [472 Posts, 9,363 Comments] When you are finished with the bunch of celery, put it in a glass of water to root. Then put it in a pot with potting soil. When it gets bigger plant in the ground. Water it regularly and you will have celery. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Japanese mini-truck garden contest and they are awesome.
___________________________________________________ The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books. Willie came up to the teacher's desk and said, "Miss Francis, I ain't got no crayons." "Willie," Miss Francis said, "you mean, "I don't have any crayons. You don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons. They don't have any crayons. Do you see what I'm getting at?" "Not really," Willie said, "If nobody ain't got no crayons, then what happened to all them crayons that nobody ain't not got?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Kati for this story: A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his Mom is baking. He puts his Hand in the flour and then wipes it all over his face."Mamacita, look, I'm a white boy." His Mom slaps his face and says, "Go show your Father." He goes to his Dad in the living room and says, "Look Papacita, I'm a white boy." His Dad slaps him hard in the face and says, "Go show you Grandmother." The boy goes in his grandmother's room and says, "Mira, Abuelita, I'm a white boy." His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his Mother. His mother says, "What did you learn from that?" The boy replies: "I have only been white for five minutes and already I don't like you Mexicans!" ____________________________________________________

Today, July 26 in
1775 A postal system was established by the 2nd Continental Congress
of the United States. The first Postmaster General was Benjamin
Franklin. 

1881 Thomas Edison and Patrick Kenny execute a patent application 
for a facsimile telegraph (U.S. Pat. 479,184). 

1893 Commercial production of the Addressograph started in Chicago, 
IL. 

1907 The Chester was launched. It was the first 
turbine-propelled ship. 

1908 U.S. Attorney General Charles J. Bonaparte issued an order that
created an investigative agency that was a forerunner of the FBI. 

1948 U.S. President Truman signed executive orders that prohibited
discrimination in the U.S. armed forces and federal employment. 

1952 King Farouk I of Egypt abdicated in the wake of a coup led by
Gamal Abdel Nasser. 

1953 Fidel Castro began his revolt against Fulgencio Batista with an
unsuccessful attack on an army barracks in eastern Cuba. Castro
eventually ousted Batista six years later. 

1956 Egyptian President Gamal Abdel Nasser confiscated and 
nationalized the Suez Canal. 

1971 Apollo 15 was launched from Cape Kennedy, FL. 

1998 AT&T and British Telecommunications PLC announced they were
forming a joint venture to combine international operations and
develop a new Internet system. 

1999 1,500 pieces of Marilyn Monroe's personal items went on display
at Christie's in New York, NY. The items went on sale later in 1999. 

2016 Hillary Clinton became the first woman to top a majority party
ticket for President of the United States

2018  smiled.


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How to find your IP number 




Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday,  July 25

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
North Carolina daycare raided in 
massive drug bust
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 25 in
1394 Charles VI of France issued a decree for the general 
expulsion of Jews from France. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
It's not the voting that's democracy, it's the counting. --- Tom Stoppard (1937 - ) "According to a new study, children that snore get lower grades...especially if they're snoring in class." --- Jay Leno ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Tim for this story: A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at a speed of at least 30mph for it to start. She said fine, hopped into her car and drove off. I sat there fuming, wondering what she could be doing. A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 50 mph, I realized that I should have been a bit clearer with my directions. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Tongue Twister A duel was fought between Alexander Shott and John Nott in June 1849. Nott was shot and Shott was not. In this case it is better to be Shott than Nott. Some said that Nott was not shot. But Shott says that he shot Nott. It may be that the shot Shott shot, shot Nott, or it may be possible that the shot Shott shot, shot Shott himself. We think, however, that the shot Shott shot, shot not Shott, but Nott. Anyway it is hard to tell who was shot and who was not. ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Victoria Everett, 34, Reshod Everett, 32, Davis III, 27, Fayetteville, North Carolina North Carolina daycare raided in massive drug bust Authorities arrested three people and seized more than 100 pounds of marijuana in two drug busts, one involving a child care center in North Carolina. On Tuesday, the Fayetteville Police Department’s Gang Unit executed a search warrant for a residence on the 1000 block of Ronald Reagan Drive. Detectives learned the residence was also a childcare center known as Tori’s Playhouse, and waited until the childcare center was closed so that no children would be present for the search. Detectives seized more than 100 pounds of marijuana as well as marijuana-laced gummies and cookies and half a dozen guns. Tori’s Playhouse Owner and Operator Victoria L. Everett, 34, and Co- Operator Reshod J. Everett, 32, were both arrested on a number of drug charges. Victoria Everett faces charges of: trafficking in marijuana by possession (Level II) – 62.8 lbs. trafficking in heroin by possession (Level III) – 31 gm trafficking in heroin by manufacture (Level III) – 31 gm possession with intent to sell and deliver marijuana – 381 gm maintaining a dwelling for keeping/selling controlled substances conspiracy to traffic in heroin Reshod Everett faces charges of: trafficking in marijuana by possession (Level I) – 37.8 lbs. trafficking in marijuana by manufacture (Level I) – 37.8 lbs. Reshod Everett trafficking in cocaine by possession (Level III) – 443 gm. trafficking in cocaine by manufacture (Level III) – 443 gm. conspiracy to traffic in marijuana conspire to traffic in cocaine maintaining a dwelling for keeping/selling controlled substances (2 counts) trafficking in marijuana by possession (Level II) – 62.8 lbs. trafficking in heroin by possession (Level III) – 31 gm trafficking in heroin by manufacture (Level III) – 31 gm possession with intent to sell and deliver marijuana – 381 gm conspiracy to traffic in heroin Both were jailed in Cumberland County, Victoria Everett under a $287,500 secured bond and Reshod Everett under a $430,000 secured bond. The daycare drug bust followed a day after another Fayetteville drug bust at the Addison Ridge Apartment complex on Monday. At the apartment, police seized: • 275.5 grams of marijuana Davis III • 1 ounce of marijuana wax • 437 grams of cocaine • A Smith & Wesson .380 handgun • A Scorpion 9mm handgun Police arrested Alvin Davis III, 27, of Fayetteville and charged him with two counts each of trafficking marijuana, trafficking cocaine and conspiracy to traffic. He also faces one count each of maintaining a dwelling for controlled substance, maintaining a vehicle for controlled substances and carrying a concealed weapon. Davis, who worked at a Food Lion Distribution Center, was taken to jail. He posted bail and has since been released. Over 36 hours, the gang unit seized more than 100 pounds of marijuana, half a kilogram of cocaine, more than an ounce of heroin, 10 guns, a 2013 Audi Q7 SUV and more than $70,000. These arrests were made with help from the Central District Community Empowerment Team and the Violent Criminal Apprehension Team as part of an ongoing investigation into gang activity and narcotics.
Tech Support Pits From: Alexa Re: Find my IP number Dear Webby I am on dial-up and my IP number is dynamically assigned. How do I find out what my current IP number is? Thanks Alexa Dear Alexa Browse to http://webby.com/ip That site will show you your current IP number. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A man went into the proctologist's office for his first exam. The doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes. Well, when the man sat down in the examination room, he noticed that there were three items on a stand next to the doctor's desk: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer. When the doctor came in, the man said, "Look Doc, this is my first exam.. I know what the K-Y is for... and I know what the glove is for... but what's the BEER for?" At this instant, the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, "Dammit, nurse!!! I said a BUTT LIGHT!!!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
>From Marnie The "BUT FIRST" Syndrome. We all have it. You decide to do the laundry. So you start down the stairs with the laundry, but then you see the newspapers on the table. OK, you'll do the laundry......... BUT FIRST you decide to put the newspapers away. On your way to put the newspapers away, you notice the mail on the table. OK, you'll put the newspapers away........ BUT FIRST you'll pay that bill that needs to be paid. You look for the checkbook. Oops... there's the baby's bottle from yesterday on the floor. OK, you'll pay the bill........ BUT FIRST you need to put the bottle in the sink. You head for the kitchen. There's the remote for the TV. What's it doing in here? OK, you'll put the bottle in the sink..... BUT FIRST you need to put the remote away. Head for the TV room. Aaagh!!! stepped on the cat! Cat needs to be fed. OK, you'll put the remote away... BUT FIRST you need to feed the cat. At the end of the day...... The laundry is not done; newspapers are still on the floor; baby's bottle is on the table; bills are still unpaid; checkbook is still lost; cat ate the remote control....... And when you stop to figure out how come nothing got done all day, you are baffled because......you know you were busy ALL DAY!! ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Getting Dishes Unstuck When two dishes are stuck, one nested in the other, pour cold water in the top dish while dipping the bottom dish in warm water. The warm water will make the bottom dish expand while the top dish contracts. Works with glasses and bowls. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Why do many historic buildings in the UK have so many bricked up windows?
___________________________________________________ >From Tim One night at an economy motel, I ordered a 6 a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, I awoke before 6, but the phone did not ring until 6:30. "Good morning," a young man said sheepishly. "This is your wake-up call." Annoyed, I let the hotel worker have it. "You were supposed to call me at 6!", I complained. "What if I had a million-dollar deal to close this morning, and your oversight made me miss out on it?" "Well, sir," the desk clerk quickly replied, "if you had a million-dollar deal to close, you wouldn't be staying in this motel!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sandie for these Call Center recordings: Customer: "I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?" Operator: "Where did you get that number, sir?" Customer: "It's on the door of your business." Operator: "Sir, those are the hours that we are open." ____________________________________________________

Today, July 25 in
0326 Constantine refused to carry out the traditional pagan 
sacrifices. 

1394 Charles VI of France issued a decree for the general expulsion
of Jews from France. 

1564 Maximillian II became emperor of the Holy Roman Empire. 

1587 Japanese strong-man Hideyoshi banned Christianity in Japan and
ordered all Christians to leave. 

1593 France's King Henry IV converted from Protestantism to Roman
Catholicism. 

1759 British forces defeated a French army at Fort Niagara in Canada.

1799 Napoleon Bonaparte defeated the Ottomans at Aboukir, Egypt. 

1805 Aaron Burr visited New Orleans with plans to establish a new
country, with New Orleans as the capital city. 

1845 China granted Belgium equal trading rights with Britain, France
and the United States. 

1850 Gold was discovered in the Rogue River in OR. 

1854 The paper collar was patented by Walter Hunt. 

1861 The Crittenden Resolution, which called for the American Civil
War to be fought to preserve the Union and not for slavery, was
passed by the U.S. Congress. 

1866 Ulysses S. Grant was named General of the Army. He was the first
American officer to hold the rank. 

1871 Seth Wheeler patented perforated wrapping paper. 

1907 Korea became a protectorate of Japan. 

1909 French aviator Louis Bleriot flew across the English Channel in
a monoplane. He traveled from Calais to Dover in 37 minutes. He was
the first man to fly across the channel. 

1914 Russia declared that it would act to protect Serbian
sovereignty. 

1924 Greece announced the deportation of 50,000 Armenians. 

1941 The U.S. government froze all Japanese and Chinese assets. 

1943 Italian Fascist dictator Benito Mussolini was overthrown in a
coup. 

1946 The U.S. detonated an atomic bomb at Bikini Atoll in the
Pacific. It was the first underwater test of the device. 

1952 Puerto Rico became a self-governing commonwealth of the U.S. 

1978 Louise Joy Brown, the first test-tube baby, was born in Oldham,
England. She had been conceived through in-vitro fertilization. 

1984 Soviet cosmonaut Svetlana Savitskaya became the first woman to
walk in space. She was aboard the orbiting space station Salyut 7. 

1994 Israel and Jordan formally ended the state of war that had
existed between them since 1948. 

1999 Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France. He was only the second
American to win the race. 

2010 WikiLeaks leaked to the public more than 90,000 internal reports
involving the U.S.-led War in Afghanistan from 2004-2010. 

2016 Verizon Communications agreed to purchase Yahoo!'s operating
business for $4.83 billion with the intention to merge it with AOL. 

2018  smiled.


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How to find the real sender of spam 




Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday,  July 24

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
St. Johns County woman bit boyfriend, 
stabbed him with scissors, robbed him
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 24 in
1847 Mormon leader Brigham Young and his followers arrived in 
the valley of the Great Salt Lake in present-day Utah. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence. --- Charles Austin Beard (1874 - 1948) Ask yourself the easy questions and you’ll have a hard life, ask yourself the hard questions and you’ll have an easier life! --- Peter Thomson ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ I was a Bible seller a few years ago when I was down on my luck a bit. Trying to sell Bibles on the corner was tough and I wasn't doing too well when this young fellow with a really bad stutter came up to me and said, "Wha wha what are you, you, try try trying to s s s sell?" I said I'm selling Bibles and I'm not doing too well. Well with that he made me an offer I couldn't refuse. "C c c can I t t ttake a couple and s s s sell them them d d door to d d door for you?" he asked. So I gave him three Bibles and he was off, but only for twenty minutes and he was back cash in hand, amazing! So with no hesitation he was off with six more, and again about half an hour later, all gone! Incredible, too good to be true, so I thought I'd follow him and see what his secret was! He tapped on the door of his next house and I heard him say to the householder,"W ww wo wou would you you you li li li like t t t to b b b buy a B B BIble or would y y y you you you li li li like like m m me t t t ta read it t t to you?!! _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Tower: "Alpha Charlie, climb immediately to four thousand feet for noise abatement." Pilot: "How can I possibly be creating excess noise at three thousand feet?" Tower: "At four thousand feet, you will miss that ugly helicopter ahead of you. They make a big racket when you hit them." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jessica Allen, 21, Jacksonville, Florida St. Johns County woman bit boyfriend, stabbed him with scissors, robbed him A St. Augustine woman is in the St. Johns County Jail after she forcibly stole money from her boyfriend and stabbed him with scissors, an arrest report said. Jessica Allen, 21, bit her boyfriend of six months and stabbed him in the back of the leg, deputies said. The boyfriend also said that he had been attacked before and was once hospitalized as a result. Allen is charged with battery and larceny is in the St. Johns County Jail on a $4,000 bond. Records show she has been arrested five times in St. Johns County, including one in 2015 for battery.
Tech Support Pits From: Karen Re: How do I find the real sender of spam or spoofs? Dear Webby This is probably a very dumb question. How do I find the real sender of spam or spoofs? Sometimes I suspect that it's a spoof, but how can I tell for sure? Karen Dear Karen If you get MailWasher, you will see the actual linking going on, right in the preview, before even downloading the complete mail. You will see, for example, that a message pretending to be from PayPal or from MyPostcards has been sent with Outlook. That alone proves that the mail is a spoof, since big companies don't use Outlook. Then you see stuff like PayPal.com (links to ....... a bunch of numbers and weird addresses). You can look a lot further, but that's already more than enough proof that that mail is crooked. There is no point, really, in investigating further, since they probably forged the sender address anyway. Just mark it for deleting, and if you get a lot of them, make a filter to dump them automatically, unseen. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Old man Zack had an incredible mule. They had been together for years and stayed pretty much to themselves. One day, Zack and his mule were walking down the road when a passerby asked if Zack needed a ride to town. Zack accepted the offer and the driver asked, "What about your mule?" Zack said, "Oh, don't worry about him. He'll keep up." Then Zack got into the truck while his mule ran along behind. The driver was a little cruel and decided to speed up a little. The mule was right in back of them as they reached 55 mph. The driver accelerated and the mule and stayed with them. They reached 70 miles per hour and the mule was still right behind them. The driver couldn't believe this. He turned to Zack and said, "I'm worried about your mule. His tongue is hanging out." Zack said, "Which way?" The driver said, "Left." And Zack said, "Well, stay in this lane, he's about to pass."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A middle aged man wasn't feeling well, so he went to the doctor for a check up. After a thorough examination, the doctor said, "Well, based on my examination, the best thing for you is to cut out all sweets and fatty foods, give up alcohol, and stop smoking." The man said, "Well, to be honest with you Doc, I don't deserve the best. What's the second best?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reduce Static On Carpets To cut down on those annoying static shocks from walking on your carpet, mix 1 part fabric softener to 5 parts water in a clean spray bottle. Put the spray bottle on its widest setting and spray your carpet with a light mist. That makes your hallways smell nice, but on some carpets may increase the static when the water dries. Plus it can get rather expensive! Most hotels, that have static problems on long hallways, use a bottle cap full of vinegar in a quart sprayer and the rest of it filled with water. That is the sorta familiar, but hard to indentify, fresh scent that you smell in the hallways of many of the better hotels. At a dollar per gallon it's also a lot cheaper. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
For train lovers.
___________________________________________________ The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: "I'm afraid we're going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you." "Well, if it's just because of them, I'd rather pay for them if you just leave me alone." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Susan for this story: After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up not talking to each other for days. Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his shirts was. "Oh," I said, "So now you're speaking to me." He looked confused, "What are you talking about?" "Haven't you noticed I haven't spoken to you for three days?" I challenged. "No," he said, "I just thought we were getting along." ____________________________________________________

Today, July 24 in
1847 Mormon leader Brigham Young and his followers arrived in the
valley of the Great Salt Lake in present-day Utah. 

1847 Richard M. Hoe patented the rotary-type printing press. 

1923 The Treaty of Lausanne, which settled the boundaries of modern
Turkey, was concluded in Switzerland. 

1929 U.S. President Hoover proclaimed the Kellogg-Briand Pact, which
renounced war as an instrument of foreign policy. 

1948 Soviet occupation forces in Germany blockaded West Berlin. The
U.S.-British airlift began the following day. 

1969 The Apollo 11 astronauts splashed down safely in the Pacific
Ocean. 

1987 Hulda Crooks, at 91 years of age, climbed Mt. Fuji. Hulda became
the oldest person to climb Japan’s highest peak. 

2018  smiled.


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What to do about spoofs 




Good Morning, !
Today is Monday,  July 23

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Memphis Man Steals Date's Car, 
Goes on Another Date
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 23 in
1829 William Burt patented the typographer, which was the first typewriter. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater. --- Gail Godwin If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. --- Henry David Thoreau ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him, he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man said, "No problem." With that, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair... try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair of false teeth... try them." The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Amy and Jamie are Old Friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long time. Amy is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore. "As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Amy cries. "I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day." replies Jamie. "Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kelton Griffin, Memphis Tennessee Memphis Man Steals Date's Car, Goes on Another Date Police in Memphis say a man stole his date's car And drove it to a date with another woman. Police say a woman reported her car stolen after Kelton Griffin went to her house to take her on a date. WMC-TV reports that Griffin stopped at a gas station and asked the woman to get him some cigars. A police report says while she was gone, he drove off in her Volvo. Later in the same Saturday evening, another woman contacted the victim and told her that Griffin had taken her on a date. That woman led police to a drive-in movie theater, where they found the Volvo. Griffin was in the driver's seat and police arrested him and charged him with theft of property.
Tech Support Pits From: Elizabeth Re: What to do about spoofs Dear Webby, The weird characters you mentioned today also come from mail written with Microsoft WEIRD and Microsoft Live Mail. There apparently ARE ways to fix that and force their crap to use standard encoding, but one would have to read the instwuckshions. That unfortunately is not fashionable with THAT crowd. Now for today's question: There is a real epidemic of spoofs coming into my mail box. I know they are just caused by a virus, or rather by people who are too stupid to protect their machines from viruses, and I don't blame ebay or PayPal or Mypostcards or Hallmark or Citibank for being spoofed about, but isn't there something that can be done about it? We can put people into space and eavesdrop on terrorists, you'd think these scammers could be nailed with today's technology! I know the government is useless and the politicians are busy trying to guarantee themselves a warm place to shit and have other prioities than the tax payers, but can't the IT industry come up with a solution? Yeah, I know, look at Vista! Some solution! In the meantime, what do YOU suggest for dealing with this unholy crap? Elizabeth Dear Elizabeth Yes, I know that the government COULD use the spamcops to identify the scammers, but as you said, they have other priorities, and most likely some bleeding heart liberal judges would make identifying scammers just as illegal as eavesdropping on terrorists. Look how it took Russian hackers to expose Broom Hilda's crimes, which are now ignored and the witch hunt is about who might have gotten groped or laid by Trump. As mentioned before, I use Mailwasher. It recognizes those spoofs and marks them as KNOWN and to be deleted. When you hit F6 to process, it dumps them without ever downloading more than a few lines of the header. You can even make filters. For example, if you don't know anybody in Russia or Nigeria, then you can set it so that mail from there gets dumped without even showing in the list. MailWasher of course looks at the actual and hidden sender address. It completely ignores the faked one pretending to be your bank. A lot of scammers forge your own address as the sender address, even the underlying hidden address. No Problem, Mailwasher can deal with that too. I have used the same addresses since 1993, and they are probably on ever spammer's CD in the entire world. That does not bother me one bit. MailWasher takes care of them all. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
SCIENCE: BREAD IS DANGEROUS 1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users. 2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread- consuming households score below average on standardized tests. 3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations. 4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread. 5. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat, begged for bread after as little as two days. 6. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cream cheese. 7. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey, bread-pudding person. 8. Newborn babies can choke on bread. 9. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 450 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than two minutes. 10. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless AlGorian statistical babbling.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great- grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living. I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free pro- fessional advice. Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Unusual Wrapping Ideas Use linens or towels to wrap gifts and the wrapping will be a nice gift too. You also can use something as simple as a car washing chamois. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
The Theater That Shakespeare Stole
___________________________________________________ I had an offer from a large company and they offered to fly me out to the meeting on business class. During the return flight we were given gourmet brownies and cookies. Not hungry, I decided to save them for later, so I placed them in a sick bag. After the plane landed I got up to leave and a stewardess approached me. "Sir, would you like for me to dispose of that for you?" I said, "No thanks, I'm saving it for my kids." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replied, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to sort out all the accumulated stuff and take all the kids." ____________________________________________________

Today, July 23 in
1715 The first lighthouse in America was authorized for
construction at Little Brewster Island, Massachusetts. 

1827 The first swimming school in the U.S. opened in Boston, MA. 

1829 William Burt patented the typographer, which was the first
typewriter. 

1877 The first municipal railroad passenger service began in
Cincinnati, Ohio. 

1886 Steve Brodie, a New York saloonkeeper, claimed to have made a
daredevil plunge from the Brooklyn Bridge into the East River. 

1904 The ice cream cone was invented by Charles E. Menches during
the Louisiana Purchase Exposition in St. Louis, MO. 

1914 Austria-Hungary issued an ultimatum to Serbia following the
killing of Archduke Francis Ferdinand by a Serb assassin. England
used that as an excuse to start World War I. 

1938 The first federal game preserve was approved by the U.S. Fish
and Wildlife Service. The area was 2,000 acres in Utah. 

1945 The first passenger train observation car was placed in
service by the Chicago, Burlington and Quincy Railroad. 

1952 Egyptian military officers led by Gamal Abdel Nasser overthrew
King Farouk I. 

1954 A law was passed that stated "The Secretary of the Navy is
authorized to repair, equip, and restore the United States Ship
Constitution, as far as may be practicable, to her original
appearance, but not for active service, and thereafter to maintain
the United States Ship Constitution at Boston, Massachusetts." 

1958 The submarine Nautilus departed from Pearl Harbor, Hawaii,
under orders to conduct "Operation Sunshine." The mission was to be
the first vessel to cross under the north pole by ship. The
Nautilus achieved the goal on August 3, 1958. 

1962 The "Telstar" communications satellite sent the first live TV
broadcast to Europe. 

1972 Eddie Merckx of Belgium won his fourth consecutive Tour de
France bicycling competition. 

1972 The U.S. launched Landsat 1 (ERTS-1). It was the first Earth-
resources satellite. 

1984 Miss America, Vanessa Williams, turned in her crown after it
had been discovered that nude photos of her had appeared in
"Penthouse" magazine. She was the first to resign the title. 

1985 Commodore unveiled the personal computer Amiga 1000. 

1986 Britain's Prince Andrew married Sarah Ferguson at Westminster
Abbey in London. They divorced in 1996. 

1998 U.S. scientists at the University of Hawaii turned out more
than 50 "carbon-copy" mice, with a cloning technique. 

2000 Lance Armstrong won his second Tour de France. 

2018  smiled.


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Weird characters in mail s ent by Outlook 




Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday,  July 22

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
NC mom ODs in Bass Pro Shops parking lot 
with baby in the car; both parents charged
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 22 in
1587 A second English colony was established on Roanoke Island off
North Carolina. The colony vanished under mysterious circumstances. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. --- Norm Crosby ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The Japanese eat very little fat, and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat, and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Japanese drink very little red wine, and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine, and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Morris staggered into the house at two o'clock in the morning. As he entered his bedroom, he found another man in bed with his wife. His wife pushed the man off her and demanded to know where Morris had been until two o'clock in he morning. Morris looked at his wife's lover and demanded, "Who in the heck is this guy, and what is he doing in bed with you?" The wife responded, "Don't you dare go changing the subject on me! Where in the heck have you been so late?" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kelly Lourie Bennett, 28, left and Michael Edward Ward, 25, Cary, North Carolina NC mom ODs in Bass Pro Shops parking lot with baby in the car; both parents charged A mother overdosed on drugs while her baby was in the car with her at the Bass Pro Shops parking lot in Cary on Monday, according to police. Now, the mother and father have been arrested and charged with misdemeanor child abuse. Kelly Lourie Bennett, 28, of Apex overdosed on narcotics after injecting herself with the drugs Monday afternoon, according to arrest records. Her 7-month-old child was also in the car, which was parked at the lot at 801 Bass Pro Lane off of Harrison Avenue. Michael Edward Ward, 25, of Clayton is listed as the child’s father. According to arrest records, he allowed Bennett to inject herself while the child was with her. Both parents were arrested Monday evening and charged with misdemeanor child abuse for allowing “substantial risk of physical injury” to the child. Ward and Bennett were held in the Wake County Detention Center on Tuesday under a $10,000 bond and a $5,000 bond, respectively. Bennett has a history of arrests in Wake County. She was arrested for assault in 2008; failure to return rental property twice in 2013; possession with intent to distribute meth precursor, conspiracy to manufacture meth and identity theft in 2015; and probation violation in 2016. Ward also has a history of arrests in the Triangle. He was arrested for failure to work after being paid and possession with intent to distribute a meth precursor and possession of drug paraphernalia in Wake County in 2015; larceny in Durham County in 2016; probation violations in Wake County in 2016; and larceny, driving without a license and child abuse in Wake County in 2018. The child is in Detox and will be under the care of Child Services. No protest by Anti-Trumpers about child separation are scheduled, yet.
Tech Support Pits From Barb Re: Weird symbols in mail that came from Outlook Dear Webby, In mail, that originated from me and shows in people's replies, there are weird symbols like  or É. They show even in Gmail, if a portion of it came from my other machine, that has Outlook on it. What is the cause of that? Thanks Barb Dear Barb That is just Microslop. You must have seen complaints regarding "winmail.dat", that most people nowadays delete automatically right on the server. Win mail.dat is sent by Outlook and Microsoft WORD to supply supplementary font information so that other Outlook users see left-wing quotes, curly quotes and similar non-standard characters, that look cutesy on widdle goilies emails, but are just a nuisance on regular standard programs. That is why Microsoft adds a secret "Winmail.dat" file to supply the extra information. Well, almost everybody dumps the thilly winmail.dat right on the server. It is just a useless nuisance. IF, and only IF, the receiving victim has Microsoft Office or Outlook, then they can use the winmail.dat to tilt the quotes and do a few other semi-cute stunts. Standard programs just show whatever letters come through. Your Outlook uses É (plus winmail dat translator) to produce a left wing quote, There IS a setting in Outluck to make it send standard characters and forget the left wing quotes and curly quotes. Microsoft calls the left wing quotes "Smart Quotes". The rest of us call them "Microslop". Here is how to turn the Microslop off and get standard characters:https://www.extendoffice.com/documents/outlook/2084- outlook-disable-turn-off-smart-quotes.html Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Over dinner, a woman said to her husband, "I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me; he used really bad language; he even threatened me!" "How did you meet this fellow?" He asked, very concerned. She said, "Well, we met by accident, I hit his wheel chair with the car."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A Sunday school teacher was instructing her class. Just before she dismissed them to go to church she asked them, "Why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Little Johnny was quick to blurt out what he was certain was the correct answer, "Because people are sleeping!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preventing Dirt Under Your Finger Nails Here's an old trick for people who don't like to use gloves when they garden. Rub your finger nails over a bar of soap. Your nails will fill up with the soap and prevent dirt from building up. When you clean up, scrub your nails with a nail brush to easily remove the soap. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Photos to enjoy and many, many more behind these, just click away.
___________________________________________________ The police in a sleepy Alberta town were notified that a very panicked citizen was at a local garage screaming in terror. When they arrived, they met the man, who had peed his pants, could hardly stand, while he pointed at a garage. They could detect no smell of alcohol. The man blithered there was a was a wild lion loose in that garage. The monster had chased him, snarling. He was so frightened the officers took him seriously, drawing their guns, crept cautiously into the garage After a few minutes they came out, hanging onto each other, barely able to talk for laughing. They called the man over. "We found your lion, take a look." Out walked the most embarrassed dog in the world. He was the garage guard dog. It was painful to look at him. Yellow, huge, he had once sported long shaggy hair. The owner had taken him to a groomer to be shaved. He had also given the groomer a bottle of strong homemade wine. The groomer went creative. He shaved the poor dog, leaving a huge ruff around his neck, a puff on the end of the tail, plus styled huge furry boots on his feet. He did indeed look like a lion. Sort of. A crowd gathered, everyone shaking with mirth. The lion dog had enough. He opened his mouth and roared. The crowd scattered, the cops leaped into their car. The owner walked out of the garage, wiping his hands on a greasy rag. He grinned at the dog, "Atta boy, you should get a medal for bravery under fire." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Bob was on vacation, trying to play the slot machines. It was his first time in a casino, and he wasn't sure how the machines operated. "Excuse me." he said to a casino employee. "How does this work?" The worker showed him how to insert a bill, hit the spin button, and operate the release handle. "And where does the money come out?" he asked. He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying, "Usually at the ATM." ____________________________________________________

Today, July 22 in
1376 The legend of the Pied Piper of Hamelin leading rats out of
town is said to have occurred on this date. 

1587 A second English colony was established on Roanoke Island off
North Carolina. The colony vanished under mysterious circumstances.


1796 Cleaveland was founded by General Moses Cleaveland. 

1798 The USS Constitution was underway and out to sea for the first
time since being launched on October 21, 1797. 

1812 English troops under the Duke of Wellington defeated the
French at the Battle of Salamanca in Spain. 

1926 Babe Ruth caught a baseball at Mitchell Field in New York. The
ball had been dropped from an airplane flying at 250 feet. 

1933 Wiley Post ended his around-the-world flight. He had traveled
15,596 miles in 7 days, 18 hours and 45 minutes. 

1937 The U.S. Senate rejected President Roosevelt's proposal to add
more justices to the Supreme Court. 

1943 American forces led by General George S. Patton captured
Palermo, Sicily. 

1955 U.S. Vice-President Richard M. Nixon chaired a cabinet meeting
in Washington, DC. It was the first time that a Vice-President had
carried out the task. 

1975 Confederate General Robert E. Lee had his U.S. citizenship
restored by the U.S. Congress. 

1987 The U.S. began its policy of escorting re-flagged Kuwaiti
tankers up and down the Persian Gulf to protect them from possible
attack by Iran. 

1998 Iran tested medium-range missile, capable of reaching Israel
or Saudi Arabia. 

2000 Astronomers at the University of Arizona announced that they
had found a 17th moon orbiting Jupiter. 

2003 In northern Iraq, Saddam Hussein's sons Odai and Qusai died
after a gunfight with U.S. forces. 

2003 In Paris, France, a fire broke out near the top of the Eiffel
Tower. About 4,000 visitors were evacuated and no injuries were
reported. 

2009 The longest total solar eclipse of the 21st century, lasting
up to 6 minutes and 38.8 seconds, occurred over parts of Asia and
the Pacific Ocean. 

2018  smiled.


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Secondary email account problems 




Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday,  July 21

Thank you, Lisa!!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
SC Woman threatens to punch babies 
if she sees mums breastfeeding
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 21 in
1831 Belgium became independent as Leopold I was 
proclaimed King of the Belgians. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. --- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965) We learn something every day, and lots of times it's that what we learned the day before was wrong. --- Bill Vaughan ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ When I attended a convention once of oil men, the first speaker was from Texas. He rambled on about stuff for a good half hour and then introduced the next gent, who happened to be from Oklahoma. The Texas man said, "Oklahoma, an outlying province of Texas." The second speaker said, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, but, just to set the record straight, there ain't NO state that can out-lie Texas." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Two Rednecks rob a Brink's Armored truck and all they get away with are two sacks, so they keep one each. After awhile they meet again and one asks the other, "What did you find in your sack?" "Half a million bucks." "Aw... that's a lot! What did you do with all that cash?" "I bought a house and a boat. How about your sack?" "Bah... mine was full o' bills" "And what did you do with them?" "Eh well . . . little by little, I'm paying them off." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Carly Clark, Spartanburg, South Carolina SC Woman threatens to punch babies if she sees moms breastfeeding A mother posted a hateful message to Facebook where she threatened to punch women and their babies if they breastfed in front of her. Furious parents shared the shocking social media rant in which Carly Clark said she was ‘not sorry’. Carly Clark, from South Carolina, US, made the violent threats because she said didn’t want her children to see women breastfeeding in public. ‘The next female that tries to whip her boob out to breastfeed in front of my kids will get a black eye, move that baby bc [because] I’ll punch it too [sic]. On the only full length picture online of Carly Clark she appears to have the chest of an average 12 year old boy. After finding out Carly worked as a manager at pet shop Petsense, some outraged parents sent screenshots to the company. Petsense issued an online statement claiming they did not ‘condone violence such as was recently posted by a Petsense employee’ and that she did not represent the company’s views. A few hours later, a follow- up message claimed that following an investigation, the individual was ‘no longer employed’.
Tech Support Pits From Bill Re: Seconday mail account problem Dear Webby, It's Bill again. Now Eudora won't retrieve mail from my secondary address. It should be the same PW as my "dominant" personality. "Dominant" works. The secondary gives an error message "ERR Authentication failure, mate". I would appreciate any help you can offer. Thanks. Bill Dear Bill Eudora has been able to handle dominant plus secondary accounts since about 1993, however, when semi-skilled and sooty summer help at the ISP messes around, it can turn into a real nuisance. Those kids tend to assume that everybody gets onto the Internet with a SillyPhone, like they are, so they keep changing the settings at the ISP side. Instead of coping with the silly twits, most people simply set the secondary email to automatically forward to the dominant or primary email. That way you get everything at your dominant email address, and don't have to worry about all the others. They simply show up. You still see which address the mail has been sent to. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A boy and his dad were playing with toy cars. The father had the police car and pretended to pull over the car that the boy was playing with. "Do you have a drivers license?" he asked the boy. "No," the boy answered seriously. "Are you resisting arrest?" asked the father. The boy hesitated, then said, "No, I'm not sleepy yet."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
On her way back from the concession stand, Sally asked a man at the end of the row, "Pardon me, but did I step on your foot before?" Expecting an apology, the man said, "Indeed you did." The woman nodded. "Oh good. Then this is my row." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baking Fish When baking fish, set each fillet on a lettuce leaf. The lettuce will prevent the fish fillets from sticking to the pan. Just discard the lettuce when your fish is done baking. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
The Russian dachas.
___________________________________________________ Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury aquitted him. Later that day, Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing. "Your honor," he said, "I want to get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine." "Why?" asked the judge. "He won your aquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for?" "Well, your honor," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole..." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
What is the one thing that all women at singles bars have in common? An untanned ring line on their ring finger. ____________________________________________________

Today, July 21 in
1831 Belgium became independent as Leopold I was proclaimed King of
the Belgians. 

1861 The first major battle of the U.S. Civil War began. It was the
Battle of Bull Run at Manassas Junction, VA. The Confederates won
the battle. 

1925 The "Monkey Trial" ended in Dayton, TN. John T. Scopes was
convicted and fined $100 for violating the state prohibition on
teaching Darwin's theory of evolution. The conviction was later
overturned on a legal technicality because the judge had set the
fine instead of the jury. 

1930 The Veterans Administration of the United States was
established. 

1931 The Reno Race Track inaugurated the daily double in the U.S. 

1940 Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia were annexed by the Soviet
Union. 

1944 American forces landed on Guam during World War II. 

1949 The U.S. Senate ratified the North Atlantic Treaty. 

1954 The Geneva Conference partitioned Vietnam into North Vietnam
and South Vietnam. 

1959 A U.S. District Court judge in New York City ruled that "Lady
Chatterley’s Lover" was not a dirty book. 

1961 Captain Virgil "Gus" Grissom became the second American to
rocket into a sub-orbital pattern around the Earth. He was flying
on the Liberty Bell 7. 

1968 Arnold Palmer became the first golfer to make a million
dollars in career earnings after he tied for second place at the
PGA Championship. 

1980 Draft registration began in the United States for 19 and 20-
year-old men. 

1997 The U.S.S. Constitution, which defended the United States
during the War of 1812, set sail under its own power for the first
time in 116 years. 

1998 Chinese gymnast Sang Lan, 17, was paralyzed after a fall while
practicing for the women's vault competition at the Goodwill Games
in New York. Spinal surgery 4 days later failed to restore
sensation below her upper chest. 

2000 NBC announced that they had found nearly all of Milton Berle's
kinescopes. The filmed recordings of Berle's early TV shows had
been the subject of a $30 million lawsuit filed by Berle the
previous May. 

2002 WorldCom Inc. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. At
the time it was the largest bankruptcy in U.S. history. 

2004 White House officials were briefed on the September 11
commission's final report. The 575-page report concluded that
hijackers exploited "deep institutional failings within our
government." The report was released to the public the next day. 

2007 The seventh and last book of the Harry Potter series, "Harry
Potter and the Deathly Hallows," was released. 

2011 In Florida, Space Shuttle Atlantis landed successfully at
Kennedy Space Center after completing STS-135. It was the final
flight of NASA's space shuttle program. 

2018  smiled.


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Selective screen capture 




Good Morning, !
Today is Friday,  July 20
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you, Lisa!!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Crook on Fentanyl gets jaw broken
after biting deputy
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 20 in
1944 An attempt by a group of German officers to assassinate Adolf
Hitler failed. The bomb exploded at Hitler's Rastenburg
headquarters. Hitler was only wounded. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A motion to adjourn is always in order. --- Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988) It is always easier to believe than to deny. Our minds are naturally affirmative. --- John Burroughs Hillary is counting on that! ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying, "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him and bashing out their front teef on the counter." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Many many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red. My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed. This made my dad my son-in-law And changed my very life. My daughter was my mother, For she was my father's wife. To complicate the matters worse, Although it brought me joy, I soon became the father Of a bouncing baby boy. My little baby then became A brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle, Though it made me very sad. For if he was my uncle, Then that also made him brother To the widow's grown-up daughter Who, of course, was my step-mother. Father's wife then had a son, Who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, For he was my daughter's son. My wife is now my mother's mother And it makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, She is my grandma too. If my wife is my grandmother, Then I am her grandchild. And every time I think of it, It simply drives me wild. For now I have become The strangest case you ever saw. As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by (Previous mug shot) Maxwell Elder, 20, St. Augustine, Florida Crook on Fentanyl gets jaw broken after biting deputy A St. Augustine man was arrested Tuesday after a scuffle with St. Johns County deputies, leaving him with a broken jaw. Maxwell Elder, 20, of St. Augustine, was arrested Tuesday and is being charged with possession of narcotics, marijuana and drug paraphernalia, resisting with violence and battery on a law enforcement officer. According to a St. Johns County offense report, police were called by a neighbor who asked them to give Elder a trespass warning. After the call, the report says Elder stole a $300 extension ladder, but the neighbor did not want to press charges against Elder. Once a deputy arrived to his home, he said he found Elder in the driveway. When the responding deputy asked if Elder knew why he was there, Elder responded "Are you with me or against me?" The deputy said he noticed Elder was holding a multi-colored glass pipe with a baggie in his left hand. The report says the deputy immediately secured Elder in handcuffs and took away the suspected narcotics. When the deputy was searching him, Elder told the deputy he had a patch on his leg for bug bites, the report said. According to the report, the deputy suspected it was a fentanyl patch and called fire and rescue to respond to the scene. An additional deputy arrived and, according to the report, attempted to help the initial responder arrest Elder. When the deputies tried to place Elder on the rear of a patrol vehicle, Elder "became enraged for no apparent reason," banging his head forcefully against the back window of the car, the report said. Deputies said Elder tried kicking one of them in the groin, so they took him to the ground to prevent him from injuring himself. That's when Elder bit one of the deputies, the report said. The deputy stated, "Stop biting me." The report said the deputy who was being bitten then attempted to deliver a brachial stun and managed to get Elder to let go. St. Johns County Fire Rescue informed the deputy that the patch was fentanyl, the report said, and Elder was placed under arrest and taken to Flagler Hospital for medical clearance. Doctors told deputies that Elder sustained a broken jaw from the incident, as well as a cut on the inside of his lip, stating it was likely a result from the attempted brachial stun, according to the report.
Tech Support Pits From Fran Re: Selective screen capture Dear Webby, I think you might have answered this before, but I can't find it. How do I capture just the active window, not the entire screen ? Thanks Fran Dear Fran Try ALT and the PrintScreen key. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it." The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time," said the Marine. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came into the room," the Marine explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The loaded mini-van pulled in to the only remaining campsite. Four children leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils. A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters' father, "That, sir, is some great display of teamwork." The father replied, "I have a system: no one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Lemonade Ice Cubes The next time you make lemonade, fill an ice cube tray with it to make some lemonade ice cubes. As they melt, they won't dilute your glass of lemonade. They are also good in iced tea! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
23 Of History’s Most Infamous Objects And Where They Finally Ended Up
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Ross for this story: While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, Wine, and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer. The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it. The first nun replied that she would handle that without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier had a surprised look so the nun said, "This is for washing our hair." Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer saying, "Here, don't forget the curlers." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
SHOPPING MATH A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need. GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. ____________________________________________________

Today, July 20 in
1801 A 1,235 pound cheese ball was pressed at the farm of Elisha
Brown, Jr. The ball of cheese was later loaded on a horse-driven
wagon and presented to U.S. President Thomas Jefferson at the White
House. 

1810 Colombia declared independence from Spain. 

1868 Legislation that ordered U.S. tax stamps to be placed on all
cigarette packs was passed. 

1871 British Columbia joined Confederation as a Canadian province. 

1881 Sioux Indian leader Sitting Bull, a fugitive since the Battle
of the Little Big Horn, surrendered to federal troops.

1917 The draft lottery in World War I went into operation. 

1935 NBC radio debuted "G-men." The show was later renamed
"Gangbusters." 

1942 The first detachment of the Women's Army Auxiliary Corps,
(WACS) began basic training at Fort Des Moines, Iowa. 

1944 An attempt by a group of German officers to assassinate Adolf
Hitler failed. The bomb exploded at Hitler's Rastenburg
headquarters. Hitler was only wounded. 

1944 U.S. President Roosevelt was nominated for an unprecedented
fourth term of office at the Democratic National Convention in
Chicago. 

1961 "Stop the World, I Want to Get Off" opened in London. 

1969 Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin E. Aldrin, Jr.
became the first men to walk on the moon. 

1974 Turkish forces invaded Cyprus. 

1976 America's Viking I robot spacecraft made a successful landing
on Mars. 

1982 U.S. President Ronald Reagan pulled the U.S. out of
comprehensive test ban negotiations indefinitely. 

1985 Treasure hunters began raising $400 million in coins and
silver from the Spanish galleon "Nuestra Senora de Atocha." The
ship sank in 1622 40 miles of the coast of Key West, FL. 

1992 Vaclav Havel, the playwright who led the Velvet Revolution
against communism, stepped down as president of Czechoslovakia. 

1998 Russia won a $11.2 billion loan from the International
Monetary Fund to help avert the devaluation of its currency. 

2003 In India, elephants used for commercial work began wearing
reflectors to avoid being hit by cars during night work.

2018  smiled.


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Intermittent monitor problems 




Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, July 19

Had the first raspberries today!
Yeah, I know, in the lowlands they have ripened a long
time ago, but here in the foothills of the Rockies they
finally ripened now. There are going to be lots this year!

Thank you, Claude!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Police recognize man fleeing on stolen 
motorcycle, wait for him at his house
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 19 in
1848 The Women's Rights Convention took place in Seneca Fall, NY.
Bloomers were introduced at the convention. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
To knock a thing down, especially if it is cocked at an arrogant angle, is a deep delight of the blood. --- George Santayana (1863 - 1952) It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge. --- Enrico Fermi (1901 - 1954) Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye. --- Miss Piggy ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was inter- viewing a prospective student, "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked. "I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," the student replied. "Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the dean much impressed. "No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Two highway patrolmen stopped a guy for speeding on the state highway in Waxahachie, Texas. As they were writing up the ticket, one cop turned to the other and said, "How do you spell Waxahachie?" The other one replied, "I don't know." So the first one said, "Well what are we gong to do? If we spell it wrong, the ticket will get dismissed." The second cop said, "Why don't we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Waco?" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brandon Briggs, 38, West Jordan, Utah Police recognize man fleeing on stolen motorcycle, wait for him at his house Police recognize man fleeing from them on stolen motorcycle, dump out of the chase and wait for him at his house to make arrest. A West Jordan man is facing charges after fleeing from police on a stolen motorcycle during a traffic stop for what police said was a “simple traffic violation.” West Jordan Police said they made the stop around eight o’clock Saturday night near 7000 S. Redwood Road, the motorcyclist quickly took off. However, officers decided not to follow the man, because they recognized him. Instead officers went to 38-year-old Brandon Briggs’ home and waiting for him to return. About an hour after the stop police said Briggs showed up at his house and was taken into custody without incident. Police later found out that the motorcycle had been stolen. The bike was found crashed nearby, it is unclear if Briggs caused the crash. Briggs has been charged with possession of a stolen vehicle, failure to stop at the command of an officer and violation of parole or probation.
Tech Support Pits From: Beverly Re: Erratic monitor Dear Webby, Dear Webby, Your hunor letter and my first cup of coffee make my morning. I have an older computer and I'm on a fixed income and can't afford a new one. What's happening is that everything is spread out beyond the sides of the screen. Sometimes it jumps back to normal. Is there anything that can be done? Thank you, Bev. Compaq Dear Beverly That sounds like a monitor that needs what we techs call "Percussive Maintenance". You whack the monitor a good slap with your hand. Then it will usually behave for a while. However, it's definitely destined for a one way trip to the recycling depot. 1) Turn the couch upside down and shake out the lost coins to start your monitor replacement fund. 2) Do a spring cleaning and sell a bunch of stuff on ebay. 3) Select a monitor that fits your desk and budget. A good source is http://pricegrabber.com Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A 92 year old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. At his follow up visit, the doctor talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'" The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful." "Too late!", he replied, "We are getting married next month!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Wacky laws: Louisiana: It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault." New Mexico: Females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public. Oklahoma: Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog. Pennsylvania: No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife. A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling. (That ordinance was passed after some floors collapsed onto the tenants on the floor below from the weight of the dirt under the rugs.) Washington: All lollipops are banned. A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town. (That is why senators use chauffeurs) ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Putting Out Oven Fires Keep salt or baking soda close at hand to throw on oven fires in the bottom of your oven. Once the oven has cooled, it will aid in cleaning up the spill that caused the fire. The same applies for stove-top and barbecue. You can also use sand, dirt from a potted plant, ANYTHING EXCEPT WATER! Never use water on a grease fire. Water will turn the oil or grease into a napalm like substance and spaltter it all over. It turns one little fire into many big ones instantly. Most people have an open box of baking soda in the fridge and cupboard to absorb odors. Know where yours is, in case you have to quickly grab it. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
People Are Awesome Presents: Tosca Rivola-Cyr Wheel
___________________________________________________ A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears. "Oh, Mom, I tried to make Grand-mother's meatloaf for dinner tonight and it's just awful! I followed the recipe exactly, and I know I have the recipe right, because it's the one you gave me. But, it just didn't come out right and I'm so upset. I wanted this to be so special for George, because he loves meatloaf. What could have gone wrong"? Her mother replied soothing-ly, "Well, dear, let's go through the recipe. You read it out loud, and tell me exactly what you did at each step and to-gether we'll figure it out." "Okay," the bride sniffled. "Well, it starts out, 'Take fifty cents worth of ground beef.' ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
One day a man called the church office. He said, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?" The secretary thought she heard what he said, but said, "I'm sorry, who?" The caller repeated, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?" She said, "Well, if you mean the preacher, then you may refer to him as 'Pastor,' or 'Brother,' but I prefer that you not refer to him as the 'head hog at the trough'!" To this the man replied, "Well, I was planning on giving $100,000 to the building fund...." To this the secretary quickly responded "Hang on, I think the big fat pig just waddled in!" ____________________________________________________

Today, July 19 in
1525 The Catholic princes of Germany formed the Dessau League to
fight against the Reformation. 

1553 Fifteen-year-old Lady Jane Grey was deposed as Queen of
England after claiming the crown for nine days. Mary, the daughter
of King Henry VIII, was proclaimed Queen. 

1788 Prices plunged on the Paris stock market. 

1799 The Rosetta Stone, a tablet with hieroglyphic translations
into Greek, was found in Egypt. 

1848 The Women's Rights Convention took place in Seneca Fall, NY.
Bloomers were introduced at the convention. 

1870 France declared war on Prussia. 

1939 Dr. Roy P. Scholz became the first surgeon to use fiberglass
sutures. 

1942 German U-boats were withdrawn from positions off the U.S.
Atlantic coast due to effective American anti-submarine
countermeasures. 

1943 During World War II, more than 150 B-17 and 112 B-24 bombers
attacked Rome for the first time. 

1946 Marilyn Monroe acted in her first screen test. 

1971 In New York, the topping out ceremony for Two World Trade
Center (South Tower) took place. The ceremony for One World Trade
Center had taken place on December 23, 1970. 

1974 The House Judiciary Committee recommended that U.S. President
Richard Nixon should stand trial in the Senate for any of the five
impeachment charges against him. 

1975 The Apollo and Soyuz spacecrafts separated after being linked
in orbit for two days. 

1979 In Nicaragua, the dictatorship of the Somozas was overthrown
by the Sandinista National Liberation Front (Frente Sandinista de
Liberación Nacional or FSLN). 

1982 The U.S. Census Bureau reported that 14% of the population had
an income below the official poverty level in 1981. 

1985 George Bell won first place in a biggest feet contest with a
shoe size of 28-1/2. Bell, at age 26, stood 7 feet 10 inches tall. 

1985 Christa McAuliffe of New Hampshire was chosen to be the first
schoolteacher to ride aboard the space shuttle. She died with six
others when the Challenger exploded the following year. 

2018  smiled.


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Favorite camera brands 




Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, July 18

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Driver told cops he only drank at stop signs
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 18 in
0064 The Great Fire of Rome began.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Nothing you can't spell will ever work. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A young man said to his girlfriend's father, "I realize that this is only a formality, but would you mind me marrying your daughter?" "Who says it's ONLY A FORMALITY?" roared the father angrily. "Her obstetrician and her lawyer!" replied the young man. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: A FARM WAS SOLD to some city folks. The old farmer next door was out one day and saw the new neighbor planting in his garden. The farmer watched as the man would dig a hole, set a tomato plant and pour in a shot of whiskey. The farmer couldn’t help but ask what he was planting. “Stewed tomatoes,” was the reply. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Earle Gustavas Stevens, 69, Vero Beach, Florida Driver told cops he only drank at stop signs An inebriated motorist assured Florida police that he was not drinking while driving, but only swigging from a bottle of Jim Beam bourbon when his vehicle paused at stop signs and traffic signals, according to a police report. Earle Gustavas Stevens, 69, was arrested for driving his Mercury Grand Marquis while under the influence. The Vero Beach resident, now free on $1500 bond in advance of a July 31 arraignment, was nabbed after a driver called 911 to report that Stevens’s car repeatedly tapped her bumper while they were in a McDonald’s drive- thru lane. When a sheriff’s deputy contacted Stevens, he reeked of alcohol, was slurring his words, and had ”red and glossy” eyes. On the Mercury’s passenger seat was a bottle of Jim Beam, from which Stevens admitted he had been drinking. Asked if he was drinking in the auto, Stevens replied, “No.” He then explained he was enjoying the bourbon at “Stop signs.” The deputy further noted Stevens’s distinction when it came to drinking while driving: “He further explained that he was not drinking while the car was moving and only when he stopped for stop signs and traffic signals.” It was their fault for having so many stop signs. Stevens was arrested after failing a series of field sobriety tests, as first reported by Will Greenlee of Treasure Coast Newspapers. A breath test recorded Stevens’s blood alcohol content at nearly twice the legal limit. In addition to a drunk driving charge, Stevens was cited for driving without a license. Stevens, seen above, reportedly told cops that he had two “prior DUI charges from Missouri.”
Tech Support Pits From: David Re: Which digital camera is best? Dear Webby, Which digital camera is best? And which parts of them are the most important criteria? What is better, Canon or Nikon? David Dear David The most important criteria is your budget. If you get too close to the limit of it, the best camera is always not going to be quite good enough. Second most important is lens size. The larger the lens, the more light the chip has to work with. Third is the electronics, especially how the camera interpretes the analog signals into digital. Canon and Nikon are best there, with the rest of them seemingly a class or more below. Fourth is Optical Zoom. Forget digital zoom, that's just cropping the picture, enlarging it digitally and making it coarse. Forget about the number of Megapixels. That number is usually just a number picked by an advertising editor and in the small print they admit that it is "equivalent to so many Megapixels". 3 Megapixels are fine, but at around 5 you start wasting space on the memory chip and get into problems with working on the pictures in full size. How much free and available RAM do you have on your computer? There is no point in paying for 12 or more megapixels and then having to set the camera to take pictures at 1600x1200, ( 1.9 Megapixels ). More pixels don't extend you reach into the dark at all. It's the same amount of light split into more real and calculated pixels. I am a purist and don't use flash. It makes pictures flat. I found that I can reach much farther into the dark with an ancient Canon with a big lens. Canon versus Nikon is a religious question. They are both so good, that the skill of the photographer makes a much bigger difference than the brand. Each has it's own distinct peculiarities, that you can take advantage of, once you get familiar with your camera. But the differences are not big enough that anybody would buy one of each. Remeber the differences in film in the old days? Kodak had a warm tint, Fuji and Agfa a colder tint. For camp fire parties you used kodak, for fishing you used Agfa or Fuji. Canon has a warmer tint, Nikon a colder tint. It is easy enough to adust that on the computer. Personally, I prefer the warmer Canon interpretation. Have FUN DearWebby

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Thanks to Dianne for this fishy story: Fred Green, an avid fisherman is returning from a fishing trip with six large size salmon in his creel. Nosy Parker comes along and asks if the man been fishing. "Yes!" replied old Fred. Asked what bait he had been using our hero replied that he had used chewing tobacco. Parker asked how one used chewing tobacco as bait, and the fisherman replied, "I put the tobacco on the hook in the normal way, cast in the normal way and when the fish strikes I haul back on the line to hook it. When the fish comes up to spit, I hit it on the head with the butt of my rod!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Sandie for this story: I had purchased a talking metronome while I was attending a conference in New York for music teachers. Before my son and I boarded our flight home, I hefted my carry-on bag onto the security check conveyor belt. The guard's eyes widened as he watched the monitor. He asked what I had in the bag, then slowly pulled out the six-by-three-inch black box covered with dials and switches. Other travelers, sensing trouble, vacated the area. "A metronome," I replied weakly, as my son cringed in embarrassment. "It's a talking metronome," I insisted. "Look, I'll show you." I took the box and flipped a switch, realizing that I had no idea how it worked. "One, two, three, four," it said. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. As we gathered our belongings, my son whispered, "Aren't you glad it didn't go 'four, three, two, one'"? ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Flour Tortilla Noodles Cut flour tortillas into strips with a pizza cutter. Use them instead of noodles when you make "Chicken and Noodles". Nobody will ever guess that they aren't "Homemade Noodles". By Harlean Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
World Body-painting Festival 2018 in Austria
___________________________________________________ The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she would write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right. A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up. A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're Looking good! How are they treating you?" Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew: "Dumb Bastids won't let me fart!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Harry for this story: When I picked up my wife from work one afternoon, she seemed irritated. She confessed that the day hadn't gone well, and on top of everything else, a young customer had addressed her as "ma'am." "I'm not that old," she insisted. "I deserve more respect!" She vented the whole way home while hitting the scan button on the radio. Finally I asked, "What are you looking for?" She replied, "The oldies station." ____________________________________________________

Today, July 18 in
0064 The Great Fire of Rome began. 

1536 The authority of the pope was declared void in England. 

1789 Robespierre, a deputy from Arras, France, decided to back the
French Revolution. 

1812 Great Britain signed the Treaty of Orebro, making peace with
Russia and Sweden. 

1830 Uruguay adopted a liberal constitution. 

1872 The Ballot Act was passed in Great Britain, providing for
secret election ballots. 

1914 Six planes of the U.S. Army helped to form an aviation
division called the Signal Corps. 

1932 The U.S. and Canada signed a treaty to develop the St.
Lawrence Seaway. 

1935 Ethiopian King Haile Selassie urged his countrymen to fight to
the last man against the invading Italian army. 

1936 The first Oscar Meyer Wienermobile rolled out of General Body
Company’s factory in Chicago, IL. 

1936 The Spanish Civil War began as Gen. Francisco Franco led an
uprising of army troops based in Spanish North Africa. 

1942 The German Me-262, the first jet-propelled aircraft to fly in
combat, made its first flight. 

1944 U.S. troops captured Saint-Lo, France, ending the battle of
the hedgerows. 

1944 Hideki Tojo was removed as Japanese premier and war minister
due to setbacks suffered by his country in World War II. 

1971 New Zealands and Australias troops got chased out of of
Vietnam. 

2001 A train derailed, involving 60 cars, in a Baltimore train
tunnel. The fire that resulted lasted for six days and virtually
closed down downtown Baltimore for several days.

2015 The Ebay spin-off of PayPal into a separate publicly traded
company was completed. 

2018  smiled.


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Computer positioning 





Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, July 17

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
San Diego chainsaw attacker is illegal 
alien who has been deported 11 times
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 17 in
1821 Spain ceded Florida to the U.S. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If living conditions don't stop improving in this country, we're going to run out of humble beginnings for our great men. --- Russell P. Askue The skill of writing is to create a context in which other people can think. --- Edwin Schlossberg ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: A SOUTHERNER vacationing in Maine stopped at a small convenience store to buy some souvenirs. As he stood in line to pay for his purchases, the southerner was amused by the accent of some local lobster fishermen, who were in the store discussing the day’s catch. Stepping up to the cash register, the tourist commented to the clerk, “Some people around here sure talk with funny accents.” “Aye-yuh,” the clerk replied, “but thay’ll all be gone by Labur Day.” _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ From Dad _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ GOD: Frank , you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colours by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles. Saint FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass. GOD: Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colourful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there? ST. FRANCIS : Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn. GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy. ST. FRANCIS : Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it --sometimes twice a week. GOD: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay? ST. FRANCIS : Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags. GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it? ST. FRANCIS : No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away. GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away? ST. FRANCIS : Yes, Sir. GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work. ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it. GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life. ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away. GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose? ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves. GOD: And where do they get this mulch? ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch. GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight? ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It's a story about.... GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alejandro Alvarez Villegas, 32, Chula Vista, California San Diego chainsaw attacker is illegal alien who has been deported 11 times A California man who attacked his wife with a chainsaw is an illegal alien who has been deported at least 11 times since 2005, immigration officials confirmed Friday Alvarez has a long record of being deported and returning to the U.S., according to Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE). “Department of Homeland Security databases indicate Mr. Alvarez- Villegas is a serial immigration violator who has been removed from the United States at least 11 times since 2005,” an ICE spokesperson said, according to NBC7 News in San Diego. The incident began Wednesday, when police in the Los Angeles suburb of Whittier responded to a domestic violence call and found Alvarez’s wife inside their home with chest wounds caused by a chainsaw. The next day, Chula Vista police pulled over Alvarez in an SUV, that had been reported stolen in Los Angeles. Alvarez allegedly tried to ram a police car during the traffic stop, but officers were able to arrest him without any injuries, Chula Vista Police Lt. Kenny Heinz said, according to NBC7. Rumors that he is claiming sanctuary and will be running on the Democratic ticket for governor of Mexifornia have not been confirmed yet.
Tech Support Pits From: Angela Re: Computer positioning Dear Webby, I have a question about the CPU unit of my desk top. I am rearranging my work/study area and was wondering if it is safe to lay the CPU down on its side and set my printer on top of it gain more space on my computer desk. I do not want to place it on the floor because I have too many animals living in my house and do not fully trust them all to behave with it on the floor. Angela Dear Angela The CPU doesn't care, and the hard drives don't care as long as you don't put it with the front side up. The most important consideration is good air flow behind it. Don't shove it into a desk hutch cubbyhole, no matter which way you turn it. Laying flat, with the removable side cover side up, is just fine. That is actually better than standing upright on the floor, where the main air intake at the front bottom sucks in all the dust bunnies and pet hairs off the floor and drastically reduces cooling. Yes, I know it's stupid, but they don't want computers to last forever. Try to lay it flat on the left rear corner of your desk, with the former bottom pointing away from you. That way it sucks fresh air from the left of the desk. Especially n summer, cooling of the computer is very important. While you are moving it, pop the side cover open and vacuum it out. If you are scared of large herds of dust bunnies, get somebody else to do it, but don't neglect that chore! Have FUN DearWebby

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As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a female pedestrian. She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention. She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the truck's path, and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the curb and stopped. I rushed to the woman's side to see if she was all right. "I'm fine," she assured me, "but I hate to think what could have happened to me if that dog hadn't honked."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Kati for this story: Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Bill didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Bill hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Bill lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him. A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill, but one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold! --there sat Bill! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, "For crying out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?" Bill replied, "I have been in jail." "Jail?" cried Sam. "What in the world for?" "Well," Bill said, "you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometime go?" "Yeah," said Sam, "I remember her. What about her?" "Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty' and the judge gave me 30 days for perjury." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com A Mail Box for Garden Tools A handy place to store pruning shears and small garden tools is in an old mail box. Place the mail box on a post in a convenient spot in your yard and place the small tools that you use regularly in it. Paint the mail box and it can be quite attractive. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
America's forgotten pin-up girl.
___________________________________________________ >From Guzalia Today, my 14 year old son was giving dating tips to our neighbor. He said: "Don't give up. All the pretty ones may be married, but all the smart ones are already divorced." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
>From Stormy Hanging wall paper is messy work. I was struggling to hold a long wet piece of paper in place, when it slipped out of my grasp. My cat and dog just happened to be sitting underneath the ladder. The long gooey thing landed right on them. The startled critters leaped up, crashed into the wall, getting really tangled together. From the barking and hissing, I could tell they were each blaming the other. Stuck together inside the paper, they crashed across the room, thumped over the doorstep, out the open door to tumble across the lawn. The harder they tried to separate, the tighter the paper stuck to their fur. A group of young kids were passing by on their way home from school. They stared at the noisy antics of my unfortunate pets. Two little boys helped me untangle the poor animals. They talked to each other for a moment, then started to giggle. "Hey lady, can we have a piece of this stuff?" I asked why, telling them it had to be wet and put on a wall. "That's okay, we can put water on it." I suggested that their parents might not like them sticking it to a wall," Then I added, "You aren't thinking of putting this on your dog or cat are you?" The giggling turned up a notch. "No, we want to throw it on our sister when she's kissing her boyfriend in the living room!" ____________________________________________________

Today, July 17 in
1212 The Moslems were crushed in the Spanish crusade. 

1453 France defeated England at Castillon, France, which ended the
100 Years' War. 

1785 France limited the importation of goods from Britain. 

1815 Napoleon Bonaparte surrendered to the British at Rochefort,
France. 

1821 Spain ceded Florida to the U.S. 

1862 National cemeteries were authorized by the U.S. government. 

1866 Authorization was given to build a tunnel beneath the Chicago
River. The three-year project cost $512,709. 

1867 Harvard School of Dental Medicine was established in Boston,
MA. It was the first dental school in the U.S. 

1898 U.S. troops under General William R. Shafter took Santiago de
Cuba during the Spanish-American War. 

1917 The British royal family adopted the Windsor name to replace
their German names. 

1941 Brigadier General Soervell directed Architect G. Edwin
Bergstrom to have basic plans and architectural perspectives for an
office building that could house 40,000 War Department employees on
his desk by the following Monday morning. The building became known
as the Pentagon. 

1945 U.S. President Truman, Soviet leader Josef Stalin and British
Prime Minister Winston S. Churchill began meeting at Potsdam in the
final Allied summit of World War II. During the meeting Stalin made
the comment that "Hitler had escaped." 

1946 Chinese communists opened a drive against the Nationalist army
on the Yangtze River. 

1960 Francis Gary Powers pled guilty to spying charges in a Moscow
court after his U-2 spy plane was shot down over the Soviet Union. 

1966 Ho Chi Minh ordered a partial mobilization of North Vietnam
forces to defend against American air strikes. 

1975 An Apollo spaceship docked with a Soyuz spacecraft in orbit.
It was the first link up between the U.S. and Soviet Union. 

1979 Nicaraguan President Anastasio Somoza resigned and fled to
Miami in exile. (Florida) 

1986 The largest bankruptcy filing in U.S. history took place when
LTV Corporation asked for court protection from more than 20,000
creditors. LTV Corp. had debts in excess of $4 billion. 

1987 Lieutenant Colonel Oliver North and rear Admiral John
Poindexter begin testifying to Congress at the "Iran-Contra"
hearings. 

1997 After 117 years, the Woolworth Corp. closed its last 400
stores. 

1998 Biologists reported that they had deciphered the genome
(genetic map) of the syphilis bacterium. 

2008 In China, construction of the Shanghai World Financial Center
was completed. 

2018  smiled.


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How to make a free screen saver 




Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, July 16

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman charged with attempted murder for 
beating 92-year-old man with brick
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 16 in
1969 Apollo 11 blasted off from Cape Kennedy, FL, 
and began the first manned mission to land on the moon.  
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Every crowd has a silver lining. --- Phineas Taylor Barnum (1810 - 1891) To predict the behavior of ordinary people in advance, you only have to assume that they will always try to escape a disagreeable situation with the smallest possible expenditure of intelligence. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900) 99% of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses. --- George Washington Carver ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Riddle answer: YOU are the driver. From AmberRose: I passed it on to several friends. Would you believe - none of them got the right answer? _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ The following are copies of ACTUAL written statements submitted to the police on report forms. (Or at least they claim to be ACTUAL statements. You be the judge.) The drivers were instructed to give a brief statement on the particulars of the accident in their own words. Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't know. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my Mother-in-law and headed over the embankment. The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in the bush with just his rear end showing. In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. I had been driving my car for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished. The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him. I saw the slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car. The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian. I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the roadway when I struck him. My girlfriend kissed me. I lost control and woke up in the hospital. When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car. As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident. The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found that I had fractured my skull. I thought I could squeeze between two trucks when my car became squashed. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Laquisha Jones, 30, Los Angeles, California Woman charged with attempted murder for beating 92-year-old man with brick Laquisha has been arrested five additional times in the past, with a prostitution conviction. This is her sixth arrest. She Shouted Racist Statements at Him & Told Him to ‘Go Back to Mexico,’ Witnesses Say. According to the witness, who asked that she not be named, Jones repeatedly screamed a series of racist statements at Rodriguez while beating him, the Los Angeles Times reports. Laquisha, accused of severely injuring a 92-year-old man with a brick is now facing charges of attempted murder and elder abuse, prosecutors said. Laquisha Jones, 30, allegedly attacked the elderly man with a brick south of Los Angeles on July 4, the Los Angeles County District Attorney’s Office said. A "woman pushed him and dropped him," a witness told ABC station KABC-TV in Los Angeles. "She took the block of concrete and hit him in his head many times." Jones, who prosecutors said fled the scene after seeing that somebody was recording her assault, was arrested Tuesday and initially faced the charge of assault with a deadly weapon. The district attorney's office announced the attempted murder and elder abuse charges on Thursday. “I heard her saying, go back to your country, go back to Mexico,” Borjas told CNN. “When I tried to videotape her with my cell phone, she threw that same concrete block, tried to hit my car.” Despite Jones allegedly telling Rodriguez to go back to his country (he is of Mexican descent, but is a legal U.S. resident), LASD has determined that the attack on Rodriguez “is not a hate-related incident,” the department wrote in a statement. The 92-year-old was hospitalized after the assault in Willowbrook. According to his family, Rodriguez suffered two broken ribs, a broken jaw, broken cheekbones, and bruising throughout his face and body. He is still recovering from his injuries.
Tech Support Pits From: Taurus Re: Making screen Savers Dear Webby, As I have told you many times, I love your Dad's pictures of his cacti. I would like to make them in to screen savers, but my senior mind has forgot how. Can you help me? I have learned many things from your computer tips and enjoy the letter immensely. I like the links you have on left side as they remind me to click on them & feed the poor, animals, and the breast cancer sight. You do lots of good for so many. Many thanks, Taurus. Dear Taurus The easiest way to make a screensaver is this: Use the Windows File Explorer to find your "My Pictures" folder. Make a new folder inside that and call it Archive Switch the File Explorer to Thumbnail view, Click on Folders, so that it shows the folders on the left side. (This works much better in Classical mode) Drag all pictures that you don't want included in your screen saver into the "Archive" folder. Save any new pictures, that you want included, into the "My Pictures" folder. Right-click on the desktop, Properties, Appearance, Screensaver Select "My Pictures" Set the delay time, and hit OK a bunch of times. From then on you will have a slide show of the pictures in "My Pictures" as a screen saver. If you want to make screen savers to send to friends, pick one from http://www.google.ca/search?hl=en&q ... &meta= Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Riddle answer: Look in the mirror! YOU are the driver.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I love to read those advice columns in the newspaper. I saw one where they ask what is the worst thing you could receive on your twenty fifth wedding anniversary?" You know what the answer was? "Morning Sickness." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easily Clean Garden Tools Spray your garden tools with a little cooking oil or WD-40 and they will be very easy to clean when you are done gardening. You can then rinse them off with water. Make sure to recoat when needed. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Georgia USA's Little Grand Canyon
___________________________________________________ A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service. After the benediction he had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married. "Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?" he requested. Immediately, nine single ladies, seven widows, four widowers, and three single men stepped to the front. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?" "Ten," she replied. "What are their names?" he asked. "LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy," she answered. "They're all named LeRoy?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?" "Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'LeRoy,' and they all come running in." "And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?" "I just say, 'LeRoy, come eat your dinner'," she answered. "But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked. "Oh, that's easy," she said. "Then I just use their last name!" ____________________________________________________

Today, July 16 in
1774 Russia and the Ottoman Empire signed the treaty of Kuchuk-
Kainardji, ending their six-year war. 

1779 American troops under General Anthony Wayne captured Stony
Point, NY. 

1790 The District of Columbia, or Washington, DC, was established
as the permanent seat of the United States Government. 

1791 Louis XVI was suspended from office until he agreed to ratify
the constitution. 

1845 The New York Yacht Club hosted the first American boating
regatta. 

1875 The new French constitution was finalized. 

1912 Bradley A. Fiske patented the airplane torpedo. 

1926 The first underwater color photographs appeared in "National
Geographic" magazine. The pictures had been taken near the Florida
Keys. 

1935 Oklahoma City became the first city in the U.S. to install
parking meters. 

1940 Adolf Hitler ordered the preparations to begin on the invasion
of England, known as Operation Sea Lion. England had used to
annexation of the southern part of Poland as reason to start WWII,
but up to that point had ought only outside of England.

1942 French police officers rounded up 13,000 Jews and held them in
the Winter Velodrome. The round-up was part of an agreement between
Pierre Laval and the Nazis. Germany had agreed to not deport French
Jews if France arrested foreign Jews. 

1944 Soviet troops occupied Vilna, Lithuania, in their drive toward
Germany. 

1945 The United States detonated the first atomic bomb in a test at
Alamogordo, NM. 

1950 The largest crowd in sporting history was 199,854. They
watched Uruguay defeat Brazil in the World Cup soccer finals in Rio
de Janeiro, Brazil. 

1951 J.D. Salinger's novel "The Catcher in the Rye" was first
published. 

1957 Marine Major John Glenn set a transcontinental speed record
when he flew a jet from California to New York in 3 hours, 23
minutes and 8 seconds. 

1969 Apollo 11 blasted off from Cape Kennedy, FL, and began the
first manned mission to land on the moon. 

1973 Alexander P. Butterfield informed the Senate committee
investigating the Watergate affair of the existence of recorded
tapes. 

1979 Saddam Hussein became president of Iraq after forcing Hasan
al-Bakr to resign. 

1981 After 23 years with the name Datsun, executives of Nissan
changed the name of their cars to Nissan. 

2005 J.K. Rowling's book "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince"
was released. It was the sixth in the Harry Potter series. The book
sold 6.9 million copies on its first day of release. 

2009 In Chicago, Sears Tower was renamed Willis Tower. Sears left
after 9/11, expecting a similar attack, because Arabs claim that
Sears is owned by Jews.

2011 The NASA space probe Dawn entered Vesta orbit. 

2018  smiled.


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Alternating high speed providers 




Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, July 12

By the time y9u read this, I will be on my way to Calgary for
Lucentis injections into my eyeballs.
That means no Humor letter on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man pistol-whipped, raped and 
robbed a 62-year-old. He is in jail now.
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 12 in
1870 The first rotary can opener with a cutting wheel was patented
by William W. Lyman.  
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure. --- Samuel Johnson (1709 1784) With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion. --- Steven Weinberg ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ In the admitting office of our hospital, some patients were filling out forms, others were being interviewed and still others were being escorted to their rooms. An elderly woman hesitatnly entered my cubicle. She had completed her admitting forms and, upon my request, handed me her insurance cards. I typed the neccessary information and then asked her the reason for her coming to the hospital. "Just to visit a friend," she said, "but this had taken so long, I'm not sure she is still alive now." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Benjamin Victor Hovan, 32, Casselberry, Florida Florida man pistol-whipped, raped and robbed a 62-year-old. In jail now. A man wanted in a South Miami armed home invasion has been arrested hundreds of miles away after police say he raped, robbed, and kidnapped a woman at knifepoint. Benjamin Victor Hovan was arrested Thursday at a Titusville convenience store, just north of Cocoa Beach, after a nationwide arrest warrant was issued, Titusville police said. Brevard County records show Hovan was booked Thursday morning. He was charged with home invasion, sexual battery and kidnapping. Police say Hovan robbed a 62-year-old woman at gunpoint on Wednesday along the 6000 block of Kendall Drive in South Miami. South Miami police say Hovan, 32, pistol-whipped the woman before taking off with her jewelry and Mercedes Benz. On Saturday, police say Hovan was in Casselberry, Florida, just north of Kissimmee, where he held a 24-year-old woman at knifepoint. WFTV9 reported that the woman opened her apartment door thinking it was a pizza deliveryman. It wasn't. Hovan, who police say had been watching the woman and her friend load the car in a grocery store parking lot just hours before, barged in with a knife and raped one of them, the news station reported. Afterward, police said, Hovan kidnapped them in a car owned by one of them, took them to a Publix ATM in a nearby town and demanded they withdraw money. That's when one of the women asked an employee to call 911. By the time police got there, Hovan had fled. Hovan was spotted at a convenience store in Titusville on Thursday. A police officer thought he was acting suspicious and checked the license plate of the car he was driving. He tried to run but the cop put him on the ground with her taser. Hovan was ultimately identified by investigators by his fingerprints in the woman's apartment and in the stolen Mercedes.
Tech Support Pits From: Patti Re: Alternating Highspeed accounts Dear Webby, My computer is for fun and a bit of research and after 5 years I've decided it's time to get off dial up. My problem: 6 months in Michigan, 6 months in Arizona. I've looked and looked at high speed providers and can't find one that will work between the two areas and also while I'm on the road. My present provider works in all three areas but wow, it's getting slower and slower. You have to realize this "olde" gal is slowly coming into the next century, but good grief, there is so much technology to learn and small town living doesn't offer much help Can you offer any advice?? Having a lot of fun, Patti Dear Patti While on the road, you'll just have to go to hotels and motels that have high speed. As a rule of thumb, 3-star have wired Internet or free local dial-out, 4 star and up have wireless high speed Internet. Regarding the migration, call Earthlink and ask them if they still have a Snowbird Special. 1-866-383-3080 or go on their live chat. Get the phone numbers for both locations ready before you call. They do have a fairly straightforward method for relocating, but best is if you talk to them. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
You're driving a bus that is leaving from Pennsylvania and ending in New York. To start off with, there were 32 passengers on the bus. At the next bus stop, 11 people get off and 9 people get on. At the next bus stop, 2 people got off and 2 people got on. At the next bus stop, 12 people got on and 16 people got off. At the next bus stop, 5 people got on and 3 people got off. What color are the bus driver's eyes? --------------- Answer on Monday
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
'Twas in a restaurant they first met, Romeo and Juliet. 'Twas there that he got into debt, 'Cause he owed what Juli ate.' ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Gas Saving Driving Techniques Use the correct speed for the gear you are in. Try to drive the speed limit and accelerate slowly when leaving the stop light. The fastest person through the intersection just gets to spend more on gas. There is no need to rev your engine before you turn your vehicle off, it just wastes gas. Here are some tricks I learned in the arctic: Use synthetic WINTER oil all year round. It can easily handle summer temperatures, since the engine has a thermostat anyway. In winter put a rug in front of the radiator and over the engine, so that it reaches proper operating temperature. Even the best engine is a gas guzzler during warm-up, since it is programmed to burn extra fuel to heat up the engine to ideal temp. Without a rug it may never reach ideal temp until March! Change oil and air filters frequently, and vacuum out the duct from the front to the air filter intake. Any leaves or twigs in that duct cost you dearly in gas money, but no mechanic will ever tell you about that. They rather sell you expensive add-ons or better filters, that don't make much difference. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
It's amazing what was discovered in an old cupboard with a false bottom and a secret safe hidden there.
___________________________________________________ An Irishman and an American were sitting in the bar at Shannon Airport. "I've come to meet my brother," said the Irishman. "He's due to fly in from America in an hour's time. It's his first trip home in forty years". "Will you be able to recognize him?" asked the American. "I'm sure I won't," said the Irishman, "after all, he's been away for a long time". "I wonder if he'll recognize you?" said the American. "Of course he will," said the Irishman. "I haven't been away at all". ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A Protestant moved into a completely Catholic community. Being good Catholics they welcomed him into their community. But, also because they were good Catholics they did not eat red meat on Fridays. So when their neighbor began barbecuing some juicy steak on Friday night, they began to squirm. They were so annoyed that they went to talk to him about it. After much talk they convinced him to become Catholic. The next Sunday he went to the priest and the priest sprinkled holy water on him and said, "You were born Protestant. You were raised Protestant. But now you are Catholic." And so, the next Friday, as the neighbors sat down to eat their fish, they were disturbed by the smell of roast beef coming from the neighboring house. They went over to talk to the new Catholic because he knew he was not supposed to eat beef on Fridays. When they saw him, he was sprinkling ketchup on the beef saying, "You were born a cow. You were raised a cow. But now you are a fish." In order to hang on to their members, Catholics can now eat red meat on Fridays, and are even allowed to use birth control. However, organic birth control like "69" is still a sin. ____________________________________________________

Today, July 12 in
1096 Crusaders under Peter the Hermit reached Sofia, Bulgaria.
There they met their Byzantine escort, which brought them safely
the rest of the way to Constantinople. by August 1. 

1543 England's King Henry VIII married his sixth and last wife,
Catherine Parr. 

1690 Protestant forces led by William of Orange defeated the Roman
Catholic army of James II. 

1691 William III defeated the allied Irish and French armies at the
Battle of Aughrim, Ireland. 

1790 The French Assembly approved a Civil Constitution providing
for the election of priests and bishops. 

1806 The Confederation of the Rhine was established in Germany. 

1862 The U.S. Congress authorized the Medal of Honor. 

1864 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln witnessed the battle where
Union forces repelled Jubal Early's army on the outskirts of
Washington, DC. 

1870 The first rotary can opener with a cutting wheel was patented
by William W. Lyman. 

1912 The first foreign-made film to premiere in America, "Queen
Elizabeth", was shown. 

1933 A minimum wage of 40 cents an hour was established in the U.S.

1941 Moscow was bombed by the German Luftwaffe for the first time. 

1960 Manufacturing began for the Etch A Sketch®. 

1982 "E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial" broke all box-office records by
surpassing the $100-million mark of ticket sales in the first 31
days of its opening. 

1982 The last of the distinctive-looking Checker taxicabs rolled
off the assembly line in Kalamazoo, MI. 

1990 Russian republic president Boris N. Yeltsin announced his
resignation from the the Soviet Communist Party. 

1998 1.7 billion people watched soccer's World Cup finals between
France and Brazil. France won 3-0. 

1999 Walt Disney Co. announced that it was merging all of its
Internet operations together with Infoseek into Go.com. 

2000 Russia launched the Zvezda after two years of delays. The
module was built to be the living quarters for the International
Space Station (ISS.) 

2018  smiled.


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Javascript 




Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, July 11

What were the biggest news yesterday?
The promised riots against democracy?
Nah. 
Kate Upton topless in Sports Illustrated, pictures and movie clips!
Americans have their priorities.
The riots against democracy will have to wait. 
Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
2nd time in a week DUI driver runs 
back to burning car to light a smoke
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 11 in
1962 The first transatlantic TV transmission was sent through 
the Telstar I satellite. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Treat people as they are, and they will remain that way. Treat them as they can be and you help them become what they are capable of becoming. --- Goethe Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. --- Andre Gide (1869 - 1951) The Americans have need of the telephone, but we do not. We have plenty of messenger boys. --- Sir William Preece, chief engineer of the British Post Office, 1876 ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: A woman joined a health spa and on her first day, she eagerly joined in on an exercise class. However, when it ended, she went to the front desk and requested cancellation of her membership. When asked why, she replied, "Your floors are so low, I cannot touch my toes!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Waterbed Testing _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Unk Wes for this story: A simple lesson illustrating the difference between the two parties. Fred Thompson and Hillary were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican, Fred Thompson, gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his office for a job. He then took $20 out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person. Hillary was very impressed, so when they came to another homeless person, she decided to help. She walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. She then reached into Thompson's pocket and got out $20. She kept $15 for her administrative fees and gave the homeless person $5. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Robert Quigley, 25 Citrus Heights, California 2nd time in a week DUI driver runs back to burning car to light a smoke A suspected drunken driver went back to his burning car Sunday to try lighting his cigarette using the flames, according to the CHP. Amy Walker with the CHP says Robert Quigley, 25, rear-ended an SUV that was stopped in traffic on westbound Interstate 80 just west of Antelope Road. At the time of the crash, Quigley was driving around 75 to 80 mph. A CHP officer spotted the car after it burst into flames and turned around in traffic to help. As he did, he spotted Quigley switch seats with his female passenger. Quigley later admitted to the officer that he was behind the wheel at the time of the crash. A witness told officials a shirtless Quigley went back to his burning car to light his cigarette, singeing part of his eyebrows off in the process, according to Walker. Quigley later told the officer at the scene, “Yeah I’m not afraid of fire. I deal with this kind of stuff all the time.” Walker says Quigley sustained a burn on his neck from his seatbelt. No one else was injured in the crash. Quigley has been charged on suspicion of driving under the influence and is being booked into the Sacramento County Main Jail. This is the second time he has been picked up for DUI in the last week after Grass Valley CHP stopped him during a separate incident.
Tech Support Pits From: Daniel Re: Javascript Dear Webby, do i need javascript if i have sun java installed already? thanks, daniel Dear Daniel You don't install Javascript. Javascript is on web pages, using the SUN Java that you already have installed. You can allow or disallow the use of javascript in your browser's Internet Options. If you don't allow it, a lot of pages won't work right. Javascript has been around for a long time. I used to build shopping carts with it 20 years ago. Even today, most banking and shopping pages won't work right if you don't allow scripting. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A student from the University of Washington has sold his soul on eBay for $400. He's a law student, so he probably doesn't need it, but still, that’s not very much. Today, Hillary Clinton said, "Hey, at least I got some furniture and a Senate seat for mine." ---Jay Leno
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The Smiths were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Smith made it clear that he didn't want to spend a lot of money. "No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered, "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with." "I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?" Mr. Smith turned to his wife... "Show him your tooth, honey!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making Non-Slip Hangers By LoveLiveHome Hot Glue on HangerInstead of buying expensive hangers to keep your silky shirts looking nice and from falling off of the hanger, buy plastic hangers and make a zig zag line of hot glue across the hanger. Ta-da! No slip grip! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
It's amazing what was discovered in an old cupboard with a false bottom and a secret safe hidden there.
___________________________________________________ I went along with a friend when she took her female Akita, Sasha to be bred. It is common practice for both the client and the owner of the dogs to oversee the mating, just to be sure a breeding did take place also to prevent the dogs from harming each other. The male was getting on in years but his owner didn't expect any problems. The impressive looking male Akita, General, was introduced to flirlty Sasha. She play bowed, spun in circles, barked, presented the baby making area to him. She was ready. Before she arrived, the owner had put a bowl of home cooked doggie stew out for General. The huge Akita looked at Sasha, looked at the bowl, back at the female. He put a paw on Sasha's shoulder as if in apology, then turned away to flop down in front of the stew to eat. Slowly, his eyes half closed, he was set to enjoy every morsal. I expected the owner to be a bit embarrassed. After all the client had driven 500 miles to have her Akita bred. Watching his male dog choose stew over a pretty female, he just shook his head then mournfully said ,"Please Lord, don't ever let me get that old!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
JOB SEEKERS FROM THE PAST Julius Caesar (also Gerorge Bush): My last job involved a lot of office politics and back stabbing. I'd like to get away from all that. Jesse James: I can list among my experiences and skills: leadership, extensive travel, logistical organization, intimate understanding of firearms, and a knowledge of sescurity measures at numerous banks. Marie Antoinette: My management style has been criticzed, but I'd like to think of myself as a people person. Joseph Guillotin: I can give your company a head start on the competition. Hamlet: My position was eliminated in a hostsile takeover. Lucrezia Borgia: My greatest accomplishment? After I took over the department, our competition just seemed to drop out of sight one by one. Pandora: I can bring a lot to your company. I like discovering new things. Genghis Khan: My primary talent is downsizing. On my last job I downsized my staff, my organization, and the populations of several countries. Macbeth: Would I go after my boss's job? Do I look like the kind of guy who would knock of his boss for a promotion? Lady Godiva: What do you mean this isn't business casual? Elvis: My last boss and I...say, are you going to eat those fries? Hillary: I would like to put my criminal past behind me and get on with governing the Universe, even though it is very difficult to find competent scape goats. ____________________________________________________

Today, July 11 in
1346 Charles IV of Luxembourg was elected Holy Roman Emperor in
Germany. 

1533 Henry VIII, who divorced his wife and became head of the
church of England, was excommunicated from the Catholic Church by
Pope Clement VII. 

1708 The French were defeated at Oudenarde, Malplaquet, in the
Netherlands by the Duke of Marlborough and Eugene of Savoy. 

1742 A papal decree was issued condemning the disciplining actions
of the Jesuits in China. 

1786 Morocco agreed to stop attacking American ships in the
Mediterranean for a payment of $10,000. They took the money, but
did not stop their piracy until the marines went there and adjusted
their attitudes.

1798 The U.S. Marine Corps was formally re-established by "An Act
for Establishing a Marine Corps" passed by the U.S. Congress. The
act also created the U.S. Marine Band. The Marines were first
commissioned by the Continental Congress on November 10, 1775. 

1804 The United States' first secretary of the treasury, Alexander
Hamilton, was killed by Vice President Aaron Burr in a duel. 

1864 In the U.S., Confederate forces led by Gen. Jubal Early began
an invasion of Washington, DC. They turned back the next day. 

1918 Enrico Caruso recorded "Over There" written by George M.
Cohan. 

1934 U.S. President Franklin Delano Roosevelt became the first
American chief executive to travel through the Panama Canal while
in office. 

1955 The U.S. Air Force Academy was dedicated in Colorado at Lowry
Air Base. 

1962 The first transatlantic TV transmission was sent through the
Telstar I satellite. 

1972 U.S. forces broke the 95-day siege at An Loc in Vietnam. 

1977 The Medal of Freedom was awarded posthumously to Rev. Martin
Luther King Jr. in a White House ceremony. 

1979 The abandoned U.S. space station Skylab returned to Earth. It
burned up in the atmosphere and showered debris over the Indian
Ocean and Australia. 

1985 Dr. H. Harlan Stone announced that he had used zippers for
stitches on 28 patients. The zippers were used when he thought he
may have to re-operate. 

1985 Nolan Ryan (Houston Astros) became the first major league
pitcher to earn 4,000 strikeouts in a career. (Texas) 

1995 Full diplomatic relations were established between the United
States and Vietnam. 

1998 U.S. Air Force Lt. Michael Blassie, a casualty of the Vietnam
War, was laid to rest near his Missouri home. He had been
positively identified from his remains that had been enshrined in
the Tomb of the Unknowns in Arlington, VA. 

1999 A U.S. Air Force jet flew over the Antarctic and dropped off
emergency medical supplies for Dr. Jerri Nelson after she had
discovered a lump in her breast. Nelso was at the Amundsen-Scott
South Pole Research Center. 

2000 The video "Jaws," the Anniversary Collector's Edition, was
released. 

2000 Liam Neeson broke his pelvis after hitting a deer with his
Harley Davidson motorcycle. 

2018  smiled.


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Checking mail from two mqachines 




Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, July 10

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Neck tattoo with PA man's 
name foils fake ID
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 10 in
1913 The highest temperature ever recorded in the U.S. was 
134 degrees in Death Valley, CA. 
Did they have a spell of Gullible Warming?
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
None are so busy as the fool and knave. --- John Dryden (1631 - 1700) Confidence is contagious. So is lack of confidence. - --- Vince Lombardi ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A flight attendant on a cross-country flight nervously announced about 30 minutes outbound from LA, "I don't know how this happened, but we have 103 passengers aboard and only 40 dinners." When the passengers' muttering had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up his meal so someone else can eat, will receive free drinks for the length of the flight." Her next announcement came an hour later. "If anyone wants to change his mind, we still have 29 dinners available!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A classic! Dear Mom, Our Scoutmaster told us all to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only one of our tents and two sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it happened. Oh yes, please call Chad's mother and tell her that he's OK. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride on one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Webb got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put a gas can on a fire, the gas can will blow up? Billy is going to look weird until his hair grows back. We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Webb gets the car fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked OK when we left. Scoutmaster Webb said that with a car that old you to have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance on it. We think it's a neat car. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride in the tailgate. It gets pretty hot with ten people in a car. Scoutmaster Webb is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Terry how to drive. But he only lets him drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we ever see up there are logging trucks. Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Dave dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Also, Wade and I threw up. Scoutmaster Webb said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick that way with the food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. I have to go now. We are going into town to mail our letters and buy more bullets and dynamite. Don't worry about anything. We are fine. Love, Johnny ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Chad M Stitch, 35, Greensburg, Pennsylvania Neck tattoo with PA man's name foils fake ID The tattoo gave it away. A Greensburg police officer knew a Greensburg man was giving him a fake name, according to court papers. The evidence was right there in front of him tattooed on the suspect's neck. Chad M. Stitch, who turns 35 today, was riding in a car that was pulled over Wednesday after it was suspected to be involved in a drug deal, according to police. Stitch is being held in the Westmoreland County Prison on $300,000 bail. A witness reported to police an apparent drug deal involving a blue Chevrolet Malibu at 7:15 p.m. in a parking lot along South Main Street. At the same time, police saw the same car speeding in that area, eventually catching up with it close to the Cedar Street exit of Route 30, according to an affidavit. The passenger identified himself as Chad Majors, but Detective John Swank called his bluff. Swank had arrested Stitch in 2012. I told Stitch that he had provided a false name and I knew he was Chad Stitch, Swank wrote in the complaint. He denied that and stated that his name was Chad Majors. I observed Stitch tattooed on the left side of his neck and told Stitch that his name was tattooed on his neck. Police said they seized about 40 bags of suspected heroin stamped Super Mario and Polo, 23 Ecstasy tablets, marijuana and $180. Stitch is charged with drug offenses and false identification to police. He did not have an attorney listed in online court records. A preliminary hearing is set Thursday. A drunken driving charge is pending against the car's driver, police said.
Tech Support Pits From: Barbara Re: Check mail from two machines Dear Webby, Thanks for your previous help. I have another question. How can I use my Outlook Express from my desktop and my laptop using the same name and password. In other words how can I access the same mailbox from both computers and not lose the emails on my desk top? Thank you Barbara Dear Barbara With standard email programs you would set the program on the laptop to "Leave Mail On Server", and on the one on the desktop leave it on the default ("Delete mail off the server when downloaded"). So that you also have the OUT mail on the desktop, you simply BCC your replies to yourself. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there," said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down ... I think there's yet another one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern ... It seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor. The Goober scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "Do you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
When my aunt's youngest child was 3, he wanted a curse word that he could use. To appease the kid she told him that he could say, "Dag nabbit." Well, the problem was that when he said it, it came out as, "Damm Wabbit." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Put Straw on Top of Your Potatoes When you plant potatoes, layer about 2 feet of straw on top. The plants will grow through and make potatoes on top of the ground and the straw will shrink down during the summer. By Glenita If you don't have straw, an old bed sheet works even better. When you see the greens lifting the sheet, stab it with a knife and let the greens wiggle out. The potaoes will grow just fine below the sheet, and from early summer on you can reach under the sheet and grab a meal's worth of clean potatoes. That worked well for me even in the Yukon. In cold climate like the Yukon, a plastic tunnel above the potato greenery of course helps a lot. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
How can you eat these beautiful creations?
___________________________________________________ Little Johnny went to the store with his grandmother. On the way home, he looked through her bags to see what she had purchased. In one package, Little Johnny found some panty hose and he began to sound out the words "Queen Size." He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed, "WOW! Look Gramma! You're as wide as Mom's bed!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A couple had two little boys ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened? The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!" ____________________________________________________

Today, July 10 in

1609 The Catholic states in Germany set up a league under the
leadership of Maximillian of Bavaria. 

1679 The British crown claimed New Hampshire as a royal colony. 

1776 The statue of King George III was pulled down in New York
City. 

1778 In support of the American Revolution, Louis XVI declared war
on England. 

1821 U.S. troops took possession of Florida. The territory was sold
by Spain. 

1866 Edison P. Clark patented his indelible pencil. 

1900 'His Master's Voice', was registered with the U.S. Patent
Office. The logo of the Victor Recording Company, and later, RCA
Victor, shows the dog, Nipper, looking into the horn of a
gramophone machine. 

1910 W.R. Brookins became the first to fly an airplane at an
altitude of one mile. 

1913 The highest temperature ever recorded in the U.S. was 134
degrees in Death Valley, CA. 

1919 The Treaty of Versailles was hand delivered to the U.S. Senate
by President Wilson. 

1925 The official news agency of the Soviet Union, TASS, was
established. 

1928 George Eastman first demonstrated color motion pictures. 

1938 Howard Hughes completed a 91 hour flight around the world. 

1940 The 114-day Battle of Britain began during World War II. 

1947 Saab introduced the Model 92 prototype as its first
automobile. 

1949 The first practical rectangular television was presented. The
picture tube measured 12 by 16 and sold for $12. 

1951 Armistice talks aimed at ending the Korean conflict began at
Kaesong. 

1951 Sugar Ray Robinson was defeated for only the second time in
133 fights as Randy Turpin took the middleweight crown. 

1953 American forces withdraw from Pork Chop Hill in Korea after
heavy fighting. 

1962 The Telstar Communications satellite was launched. The
satellite relayed TV and telephone signals between Europe and the
U.S. 

1962 Fred Baldasare swam the English Channel underwater. It was a
42 miles and took 18 hours. 

1973 Britain granted the Bahamas their independence after three
centuries of British colonial rule. 

1985 Coca-Cola resumed selling the old formula of Coke, it was
renamed "Coca-Cola Classic." It was also announced that they would
continue to sell "New" Coke. 

1990 Mikhail Gorbachev won re-election as the leader of the Soviet
Communist Party. 

1991 Boris Yeltsin took the oath of office as the first elected
president of the Russian republic. 

1991 U.S. President Bush lifted economic sanctions against South
Africa, citing its "profound transformation" toward racial
equality. 

1997 Scientists in London said DNA from a Neanderthal skeleton
supported a theory that all humanity descended from an "African
Eve" 100,000 to 200,000 years ago. 

1998 The World Bank approved a $700 million loan to Thailand. 

1999 The heads of six African nations that had troops in the
Democratic Republic of the Congo signed a cease-fire agreement that
would end the civil war in that nation. 

2002 Peter Paul Rubens' painting "The Massacre of the Innocents"
sold for $76.2 million at Sotheby's. 

2015 In South Carolina, the Confederate flag was removed for the
last time from the Capitol grounds and taken to a state military
museum. 

2018  smiled.


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Calendar Makers 




Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, July 9

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Texan tried to steal an suv with kids inside
then the mom shot him.
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 9 in
1816 Argentina declared independence from Spain.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. --- Albert Einstein I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. --- Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826) I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants. --- A. Whitney Brown ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?" The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not." Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to brag to?" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by (Previous mug shot) Ricky Wright, 36, Dallas, Texas A man tried to steal an suv with kids inside then the mom shot him. A Texas mother used her firearm to prevent a kidnapping after a man allegedly tried to steal her SUV with her two toddlers inside. Michelle Booker-Hicks was at a gas station in Dallas on Wednesday night when the attendant alerted her that a carjacker had begun to drive her car away, reported Dallas Morning News. She was able to jump into the back seat, and after a brief altercation, she pulled a gun from her glove compartment. The suspect, Ricky Wright, 36, was shot in the head and immediately crashed the vehicle into a utility pole. Wright was taken to the hospital with non-life threatening injuries. “I should have just emptied the whole clip but I didn’t. I didn’t. I just wanted to give him warning shot, that was it,” Booker said to KTVT-TV. “I’m not a killer or anything like that, but I do believe in defending what’s mine.” Wright was arrested and charged with two counts of unlawful restraint and unauthorized use of motor vehicle. He has an extensive criminal record, with more than 20 charges on a variety of crimes, reported ABC13. The mother and her children were unharmed.
Tech Support Pits From: Tam Re: Calendar maker Dear Webby, thanks for the humor letter, lovin it everyday, I was wondering if you know of anyplace online that I can print calenders..monthy ones. thanks Tam Dear Tam I just use a spreadsheet to make calendars whenever I neend some, but you can go to http://www.myfreecalendarmaker.com/ and generate and print them rightoff their site. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Chuck for this report: I was reminded of the time I was in Washington (the State) eating breakfast at a little diner in the middle of no-where. In the next booth were 3 state police chatting and having coffee. One of them told the story of the time they had set up a speed trap way out in the middle of nowhere. Long stretches between small towns. This guy comes along, really screaming. Gets a ticket. Goes a little way, stomps on the pedal and the next officer in the line stops him and gives him another ticket. The guy ends up with 5 speeding tickets. He was thinking that its so remote, there can't be another cop for miles. And especially after the 4 ticket he knows, there can't be another.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A fellow computer programmer for a consulting group had designed some software for one of our largest accounts. He asked my help in putting it into operation. At first, he handled most of the work. Eventually, though, he asked me to help with the last phase of the training. When I sat down with one woman and told her I would be showing her how to make changes to the files, she sighed with relief. "I'm so glad you're teaching me instead of him." Surprised, I said that my colleague was far more experienced than I was. "Yes," she said, "but I feel much more comfortable with you. I get nervous around smart people." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycled Water For Plants Don't pour water that you use for cooking vegetables down the drain. It works great for watering plants, especially when there is a water shortage. Fish tank water is also full of nutrients that your plants will love. Dish water and tub water can also be used. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
How can you eat these beautiful creations?
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: At the banquet of their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such a long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife"? Tom responded, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
WEIRD QUESTIONS Actual questions I have been asked by pet owners. Q. Why does my dog drink out of the toilet bowl? A. Because you left the lid up. Q. What should I do if I find a snake in my yard? A. Scream, run like hell, leave it alone, he'll leave. Q. How can I keep my clothes dry when I bath the dog? A. Strip. Q. Why does my fish food taste so bad. A. You actually tasted the stuff?. Q.The pet store said my rabbits were both girls. Now there are baby bunnies. What happened? A. Take a deep breath. Ready? One is a boy! Q. The vet said to give my cat three pills a day. My cat won't swallow them. Should I put the pills up his bottom? A. Poor cat. Phone me first, I want to watch! ____________________________________________________

Today, July 9 in
0118 Hadrian, Rome's new emperor, made his entry into the city. 

0455 Avitus, the Roman military commander in Gaul, became Emperor
of the West. 

1540 England's King Henry VIII had his 6-month-old marriage to his
fourth wife, Anne of Cleves, annulled. 

1609 In a letter to the crown, the emperor Rudolf II granted
Bohemia freedom of worship. 

1755 General Edward Braddock was mortally wounded when French and
Indian troops ambushed his force of British regulars and colonial
militia. He died on July 13. 

1776 The American Declaration of Independence was read aloud to
Gen. George Washington's troops in New York. 

1789 In Versailles, the French National Assembly declared itself
the Constituent Assembly and began to prepare a French
constitution. 

1790 The Swedish navy captured one third of the Russian fleet at
the naval battle of Svensksund in the Baltic Sea. 

1792 S.L. Mitchell of Columbia College in New York City became the
first Professor of Agriculture. 

1808 The leather-splitting machine was patented by Samuel Parker. 

1816 Argentina declared independence from Spain. 

1847 A 10-hour work day was established for workers in the state of
New Hampshire. 

1868 The 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. The
amendment was designed to grant citizenship to and protect the
civil liberties of recently freed slaves. It did this by
prohibiting states from denying or abridging the privileges or
immunities of citizens of the United States, depriving any person
of his life, liberty, or property without due process of law, or
denying to any person within their jurisdiction the equal
protection of the laws. 

1872 The doughnut cutter was patented by John F. Blondel. 

1877 Alexander Graham Bell, Gardiner Greene Hubbard, Thomas Sanders
and Thomas Watson formed the Bell Telephone Company. 

1878 The corncob pipe was patented by Henry Tibbe. 

1900 The Commonwealth of Australia was established by an act of the
British Parliament, uniting the separate colonies under a federal
government. 

1922 Johnny Weissmuller became the first person to swim the 100
meters freestyle in less than a minute. 

1943 American and British forces made an amphibious landing on
Sicily. 

1947 The engagement of Britain's Princess Elizabeth to Lt. Philip
Mountbatten was announced. 

1951 U.S. President Truman asked Congress to formally end the state
of war between the United States and Germany. 

1953 New York Airways began the first commuter passenger service by
helicopter. 

1971 The United States turned over complete responsibility of the
Demilitarized Zone to South Vietnamese units. 

1997 Mike Tyson was banned from the boxing ring and fined $3
million for biting the ear of opponent Evander Holyfield. 

2005 Danny Way, a daredevil skateboarder, rolled down a large ramp
and jumped across the Great Wall of China. He was the first person
to clear the wall without motorized aid. 

2015 The South Carolina House of Representatives approved taking
down the Confederate flag from the Capitol grounds. The flag was
removed the next day and taken to a state military museum. 

2018  smiled.


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Keeping neighbors off your wireless 



---

Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, July 8

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Counterfeit user in Florida caught
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 8 in
1099 Christian soldiers on the First Crusade march around Jerusalem. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything. --- Herb Caen If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --- Professor Irwin Corey (1914 - ) Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner. --- Douglas Adams ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I would like to live very long. What should I do?" "I think that is a wise decision," the doctor replies. "Let's see, do you smoke?" "Oh.. Half a pack a day." "Starting NOW, no more smoking." The man agrees. The doctor then asks, "Do you drink?" "Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my meals, and a beer or two every once in a while." "Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions." The man is a bit upset, but also agrees. The doctor asks, "How do you eat?" "Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff." "Starting now you are going on a very strict diet. You are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese." The man is now really worried. "Doc, is all this really necessary?" "Do you want to live long?" "Yes." "Well then, it's absolutely necessary. And don't even think of breaking the diet." The man is quite restless, but the doctor continues, "Do you have sex?" "Yeah, once a week or so..., only with my wife!" he adds hurriedly. "As soon as you get out of here you are going to buy twin beds. No more sex for you. None." The man is appalled. "Doc... Are you sure I'm going to live longer this way?" "I have no idea, but whatever you live, I assure you is going to seem like an eternity!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Tom's barn burned down and his wife, Matilda Jane, called her insurance agent to file a claim... Matilda Jane told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money, right quick!" The agent replied, "Just a minute, there, Matilda Jane. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth." There was a long pause before Matilda Jane replied, "Then I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband... Right NOW!!" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Priscilla Corpus, 21, North Lauderdale, Florida Counterfeit user in Florida caught A Florida woman's free fast food binge ended Tuesday. According to a Facebook post from the Martin County Sheriff's Office, Priscilla Corpus and her alleged partner in crime Jeffrey Scot Robinson was taken into custody on Tuesday. According to TCPalm.com, staffers at Dunkin Donuts tipped off cops to what appeared to be a fake bill. Deputies stopped the pair's trek in Stuart as they were motoring to their next location to hit up. In their car, along with numerous bags of food from restaurants along the Treasure Coast, deputies found more than $500 in counterfeit $20 and $50 bills, along with more than $1,500 in real U.S. currency. "The duo also had two fake guns, a number of wigs and a change of clothing," read the report. Corpus, who is from North Lauderdale, admitted to detectives she would go to various fast/casual food chains like Dunkin Donuts, Panera and McDonald's and pay for a meal with a counterfeit bill, then get authentic money in change. Robinson, who is from Pompano Beach, was the driver, but had no valid license, said the sheriff's department. Corpus, 21, was charged with uttering a forged instrument (three counts), possessing forged bills and permitting an unauthorized operator to drive. She is being held at the Martin County Jail on a $20,400 bond, according to deputies. Robinson was charged with operating a vehicle without a license, and resisting arrest without violence. The 19 year old, who was not involved with any phony cash transactions, cops say, was released from the Martin County Jail on $950 bond.
Tech Support Pits From: Wes Re: Keeping neighbors off your wireless Dear Webby, I have wireless, but always wonder if someone is "piggy- backing" off of my signel. How does one stop a neighbor from doing this? Dear Wes Password your access. Or, if your neighbors don't have any hackabilly teenagers, rent them a share. Most routers are good for six shares. It is still a good idea to password your wireless and give each share a password. In many towns junior geeks go "war cruising" to find open networks, and use them to get onto the net to do all kinds of mischief. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. "Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them." "That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Smith emailed his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he wrote, "my mother-in-law is doing some heavy house-cleaning tomorrow, and my wife wants me to go help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replied. "I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," Smith wrote back, "I knew I could count on you!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Camp Grill Cooking Tips Apply cooking spray to your grill to keep food from sticking. When cooking it in a pot, use a lid. The food will cook faster and it will help keep dirt and insects out of your meal. Wrap potatoes and other vegetables in foil with a little butter and spices to cook on the grill. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
800 year old doodles. Some things never change.
___________________________________________________ Morris and Manuel were partners in a very successful garment manufacturing company in N.Y.C. They Both were having a ' fling ' with Beckie....a young attractive model who worked for their firm. One rainy day Beckie announced to her two lovers, "I'm pregnant! " Since both partners were married men they decided that Manuel would take Beckie to Mexico where she could have the baby without a scandal. Manuel took off for Mexico with Beckie while Morris ran the business and worried. Several months later an Email arrived for Morris from Manuel. It read..." Dear Partner: Beckie had Twins. Mine died at birth. What do you want to name yours ? ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
When my sister Andrea got married, she asked to wear my mother's wedding dress. The day she tried it on for the first time I was sitting with Mother in the living room as Andrea descended the stairs. The gown was a perfect fit on her petite frame. Mother's eyes welled with tears. I put my arm around her. "You're not losing a daughter," I reminded her in time- honored fashion. "You're gaining a son." "Oh, forget about that BS!" she wailed with a sob. "I used to fit into that dress!" ____________________________________________________

Today, July 8 in
1099 Christian soldiers on the First Crusade march around Jerusalem. 

1608 The first French settlement at Quebec was established by
Samuel de Champlain. 

1663 King Charles II of England granted a charter to Rhode Island. 

1693 Uniforms for police in New York City were authorized. 

1709 Peter the Great defeated Charles XII at Poltava, in the
Ukraine, The Swedish empire was effectively ended. 

1755 Britain broke off diplomatic relations with France as their
disputes in the New World intensified. 

1776 Col. John Nixon gave the first public reading of the U.S.
Declaration of Independence to a crowd at Independence Square in
Philadelphia. 

1794 French troops captured Brussels, Belgium. 

1815 Louis XVIII returned to Paris after the defeat of Napoleon. 

1865 C.E. Barnes patented the machine gun. 

1879 The first ship to use electric lights departed from San
Francisco, CA. 

1881 Edward Berner, druggist in Two Rivers, WI, poured chocolate
syrup on ice cream in a dish. To this time chocolate syrup had only
been used for making ice-cream sodas. 

1889 John L. Sullivan defeated Jake Kilrain, in the last
championship bare-knuckle fight. The fight lasted 75 rounds. 

1907 Florenz Ziegfeld staged his first "Follies" on the roof of the
New York Theater in New York City. 

1947 Demolition work began in New York City for the new permanent
headquarters of the United Nations. 

1950 General Douglas MacArthur was named commander-in-chief of
United Nations forces in Korea. 

1953 Notre Dame announced that the next five years of its football
games would be shown in theatres over closed circuit TV. 

1960 The Soviet Union charged Gary Powers with espionage. He was
shot down in a U-2 spy plane. 

1963 All Cuban-owned assets in the United States were frozen. 

1969 The U.S. Patent Office issued a patent for the game "Twister."


1981 The Solar Challenger became the frist solar-powered airplane
to cross the English Channel. 

1986 Kurt Waldheim was inaugurated as president of Austria despite
controversy over his alleged ties to Nazi war crimes. 

1997 The Mayo Clinic and the U.S. government warned that the diet-
drug combination known as "fen-phen" could cause serious heart and
lung damage. 

1997 NATO invited Poland, Hungary, and the Czech Republic to join
the alliance in 1999. 

2010 The Solar Impulse completed the first 24-hour flight by a
solar powered plane. 

2018  smiled.


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Temp File 



---

Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday,  July 7

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Fashist climbs to foot of Statue of Liberty
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 7 in
1930 Construction began on Boulder Dam, later Hoover Dam, 
on the Colorado River. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement. --- Socratex Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. --- James M. Barrie (1860 - 1937 ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law Pete in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase. "What happened Paddy ?" she asks anxiously. "What happened!! I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home... and guess what I found?? "Yes, your daughter, my wife Jean, naked with Tim McDurmt in our marital bed! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!" "Come now, calm down, calm down Paddy!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. 'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened." Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile. "There now Pete, you see? I told you there must be a simple explanation! "Well, WHAT is it?" Fumed Pete. "She never got your E-mail!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ MY ahirt! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Knowing that the minister was very fond of cherry brandy, one of the church elders offered to present him with a bottle on one consideration - that the pastor acknowledge receipt of the gift in the church paper. "Gladly," responded the good man. When the church magazine came out a few days later, the elder turned at once to the "appreciation" column. There he read: "The minister extends his thanks to Elder Brown for his gift of fruit and for the spirit in which it was given." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Therese Patricia Okoumou, 44, Staten Island, New York Fashist climbs to foot of Statue of Liberty Okoumou, a fanatic Fashist, climbed to the base of the Statue of Liberty to protest the Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency, which enforces decades-long federal immigration law that predates President Trump's tenure. She is a member of Rise and Resist, an anti-Trump group that claims because they are kinda stupid but noisy, they overrule the elected government, which held an Abolish ICE banner at the foot of the Statue of Liberty before her climb. The Hilarites demand open borders and to allow free and unchecked access for MS13 and other welfare recipients. And as Fashists, they claim they are right and the elected government is wrong. Okoumou vowed to stay atop the Statue of Liberty until all the illegal-alien children are released. In reality, Okoumou came down two hours into her failed publicity stunt after being taken into custody and jailed by the cops. The morons don't realize that the kids of arrested criminals, no matter whether the criminals had burglared into a bank or a country, can not be released onto the street, but have to remain with Child Services. Unlike the Obama era cages, nowadays Child services places the kids with foster homes or juvenile detention schools. Liberty Island had to evacuate 4,500 tourists on Independence Day thanks to Okoumou and her motley crew of fashist protesters. Okoumou is now sitting in jail along with six of her "Rise and Resist" crew, who ruined a holiday for innocent bystanders and police alike. Okoumou is facing charges of trespassing, disorderly conduct, and interfering with government functions. In August 2017, Okoumou was arrested and charged with misdemeanor assault for injuring a cop while resisting arrest during a protest. She has a history of filing unsuccessful race-discrimination lawsuits. In 2003, she filed a wrongful-termination lawsuit claiming racial discrimination after being fired from a battered-women's shelter called Safe Horizons. According to court records, Okoumou's boss said she was fired because she was rude and unprofessional to clients and colleagues. She lost the lawsuit. In 2007, Okoumou unsuccessfully filed another race discrimination complaint against a group home in Staten Island. It's unclear who's paying Okoumou's bills while she participates in weekly anti-Trump protests, or why she didn't launch similar protests when Barack Obama jailed and mass-deported illegal aliens during his eight years as president. The only change is that under Trump the detention facilities and procedures were drastically improved.
Tech Support Pits From: CJW Re: Temp File dear webby. question is there anyway to block this folder %temp%. type it run. see the email below about the question posed to me. thanks helmut! cjw MICROSOFT HAS A SECRET TEMP FOLDER THAT TAKES QUITE A BIT OF SPACE. TO DELETE THIS FOLDER GO TO START, RUN, AND TYPE IN %TEMP%. THEN OPEN, SELECT ALL AND DELETE. YOU 'LL GET A MESSAGE CANT THIS FILE, CLICK OK AND MOVE TO THE NEXT ONES. MAKE SURE ALL OPEN WINDOWS ARE CLOSED. WHEN I STARTED HAD 1700 ITEMS, FINISHED WITH THREE. DO THIS EVERY SO OFTEN. MARY REAL SIMPLE!! LOL CJW Dear Chuck What kind of Caps-Locker BS is that? The temp folder is not secret, never has been secret, and never will be secret. It is at C:\Documents and Settings\YourName\Local Settings\Temp There are more temp files in the same area. So what? You can use CrapCleaner to weed them out, but your browser will be slower, when it has to download stuff instead of re-using it. Honestly, it's not a sinister conspiracy to catch "Agent CapsLock". However, just because you are paranoid, that does not mean they are not out to get you! Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
My Parents had not been out together in quite some time. One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father stepped up behind her. "Would you like to go out, girl?" he asked. Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, "Oh, yes, I'd love to!" They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn't until the end of it that Dad confessed. His question had actually been directed to the family dog, lying near Mom's feet on the kitchen floor.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
And old fellow was snoozing away contentedly when he was startled awake by the doorbell. He staggered off the couch to make his way to the door. There stood a gorgeous young woman. "Oh my goodness," the pretty young thing exclaimed, "I'm at the wrong house." "Sweety, you're at the right house," the old guy assured her. "But you're forty years too late." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bringing Batteries on Camping Trips Before packing electronic devices or flashlights, remove the batteries before and store them in a ziplock bag. That way if something accidentally gets flipped on, you won't run down your batteries. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
A strange tooth washed up on the shore in North Carolina a couple of years ago.
___________________________________________________ I was listening to a lady who called a radio pastor. The pastor was a wise, grandfatherly gentleman who has that calm reassuring voice that can melt all fear. The lady, who was obviously crying, said, "Pastor, I was born blind, and I've been blind all my life. I don't mind being blind but I have some well meaning friends who tell me that if I had more faith I could be healed." The pastor asked her, "Tell me, do you carry one of those white tipped canes?" "Yes I do," she replied. "Then the next time someone says that, hit them over the head with the cane," He said. "Then tell them 'If they had more faith that wouldn't hurt!'" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," she explained. "Oh, and it took a while to fix it," said the passenger. "Not exactly." replied the stewardess, "It just took us a bit to find a deaf pilot." ____________________________________________________

Today, July 7 in
1754 Kings College opened in New York City. It was renamed Columbia
College 30 years later. 

1846 U.S. annexation of California was proclaimed at Monterey after
the surrender of a Mexican garrison. 

1862 The first railroad post office was tested on the Hannibal and
St. Joseph Railroad in Missouri. 

1885 G. Moore Peters patented the cartridge-loading machine. 

1917 Aleksandr Kerensky formed a provisional government in Russia. 

1920 A device known as the radio compass was used for the first
time on a U.S. Navy airplane near Norfolk, VA. 

1930 Construction began on Boulder Dam, later Hoover Dam, on the
Colorado River. 

1937 Japanese forces invaded China. 

1946 Mother Frances Xavier Cabrini was canonized as the first
American saint. 

1950 The U.N. Security Council authorized military aid for South
Korea. 

1969 Canada's House of Commons gave final approval to a measure
that made the French language equal to English throughout the
national government. 

1981 U.S. President Reagan announced he was nominating Arizona
Judge Sandra Day O'Connor to become the first female justice on the
U.S. Supreme Court. 

1983 Eleven-year-old Samantha Smith of Manchester, Maine, left for
a visit to the Soviet Union at the personal invitation of Soviet
leader Yuri V. Andropov. 

1987 Public testimony at the Iran-Contra hearing began. 

1994 Amazon.com, Inc. was founded in Seattle, Washington under the
name "Cadabra." 

1998 A jury in Santa Monica, CA, convicted Mikail Markhasev of
murdering Ennis Cosby, Bill Cosby's only son, during a roadside
robbery. 

1999 In Sierra Leone, President Ahmad Tejan Kabbah and rebel leader
Foday Sankoh signed a pact to end the nation's civil war. 

2000 Cisco Systems Inc. announced that it would buy Netiverse Inc.
for $210 million in stock. It was the 13th time Cisco had purchased
a company in 2000. 

2000 Amazon.com announced that they had sold almost 400,000 copies
of "Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire," making it the biggest
selling book in e-tailing history. 

2003 In Liberia, a team of U.S. military experts arrived at the
U.S. embassy compound to assess whether to deploy troops as part of
a peacekeeping force in the country.

2018  smiled.


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Firefox problems 




---

Good Morning, !
Today is Friday,  July 6
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
When his waitress told him he was too drunk 
for another drink, he got violent.
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 6 in
1923 The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics was established. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If nobody spoke unless he had something to say, the human race would very soon lose the use of speech. --- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965) People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest. --- Hermann Hesse ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ You Know You're Living in 2018 When... 1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave. 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3. 4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't answer their e-mail. 6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries. 7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen. 8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it. 10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee. 11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : ) 12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing. 13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message. 14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list. 15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Classic! Just as John got in the door, after staying at the bar a bit too long, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. He realized his wife would probably wake up, so he cuckooed another 9 times. He was really proud of himself, having a quick witty solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict. Next morning the wife asked him what time he got in and he told her 12 o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one! She then told him that they needed a new cuckoo clock. When he asked her why, she said "Well, it cuckooed 3 times, said 'Oh, f@#%,' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, snickered, and finally cuckooed twice more, and then it farted." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by William Banks, 49, Spartanburg, South Carolina When his waitress told him he was too drunk for another drink, he got violent. A Wild Wing Cafe waitress made the call to stop serving drinks to a customer who was too intoxicated, and when the man was cut off, it was the start to a violent, drunken outburst, police say. William Banks was outraged when he was denied another alcoholic beverage shortly after midnight June 22 at the popular chicken wing restaurant, according to the Spartanburg Police Department. In less than an hour after being refused service, the South Carolina man threatened to shoot multiple members of the Wild Wing Cafe staff, assaulted his waitress, then told the officer arresting him he would get him fired, police reported. The waitress said she cut Banks off from alcohol after observing how drunk he was, causing him to become "irate and (he) started cussing her out when she refused him anymore alcohol," according to the police report. Police said Banks then tried to order a drink from the manager, who also refused him service because of his intoxicated state. Banks responded by swearing at the manager and "threatened to shoot her," police say. Banks then returned his focus to his waitress, directing vulgarities at her and "threatening to shoot her, as well," police reported. As the waitress tried to walk away, Banks struck her in the head, according to the incident report, which said a bartender witnessed the assault. At this point, the son of a staff member removed Banks from the restaurant by "physically carrying him outside," police said. The responding police officer found Banks walking down the street and detained the 49-year-old man, according to an incident report. A person who was with Banks at the restaurant during the incident told police "Banks was extremely intoxicated ... and knew Banks was wrong," the report said. After the waitress identified Banks, he was arrested. As Banks was being taken to the Spartanburg County Detention Center, he threatened the officer's job, saying "he knew who worked at the Spartanburg Police Department," according to the incident report. Banks, of Spartanburg, was charged with third-degree assault and battery, and trespassing after notice, according to jail records, which showed he was released the same day without bond.
Tech Support Pits From: Frieda Re: Firefox poblem Dear Webby, What's up with Firefox. All of a sudden when I try tiopen some mail I get a pop up saying couldn't load XPCOM. If Firefox decided to dump XP computers they gave me no warning. I went to Firefox sometime ago because Google kept saying a lot of my contacts did not have a secure site. Everything was fine until a couple days ago. How are you getting along? Sure has been an odd summer down here in States, weatherwise. Any thoughts on my problem will be appreciated. Frieda Dear Frieda Your FireFox is trashed. This method has worked for most of the users and it is very easy to follow. Get into Chrome or Internet Explorer or another browser, simply head over to the following address to download the latest setup file for Firefox, run it and install. https://www.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/new/ By the way, if you use Chrome or Gmail, the message of sites not being secure is meaningless. It just tells you that some sites, that don't need security, like for example the Humor Letter, don't have the same security as the bank. So what? You are not entering your bank info or your bra size in the Humor Letter. Don't worry about that. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The company next door was encountering so many errors, they are now seriously considering buying a computer to blame them on.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Kati for this picture: Finally found a way to stabilize my weight! I can't believe I was doing it wrong all these years. We must get the word out. Kati ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Craft Supplies in Tackle Boxes By ramya [1 Post, 1 Comment] I use fishing tackle boxes from Walmart or Kmart to store craft supplies or sewing notions like threads, buttons, needles, beads, etc. I also use one box for kids art supplies like crayons, pencils, markers, erasers, etc. They have adjustable plastic dividers that can be fixed to the size of the item you need to store. I store my earrings and jewelery in one and makeup accessories in another. These boxes have handles to carry them around easily and also stack well for easy storage. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
A brief compendium of art nouveau treasures.
___________________________________________________ Mrs. Culpepper was almost in tears. "Oh Marie," she said to her maid, "I have reason to suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary." "I don't believe it for one minute." Marie snapped. "You're just saying that to make me jealous." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Phil for this story: My two-year-old daughter, Paige, was with her mother while her older sister was being examined by a dentist. Paige kept herself busy playing with toys in the waiting room until she noticed that her mom was resting, her eyes closed. With about six other patients waiting, Paige marched up to her mother, looked her straight in the face and shook her shoulder. "Mommy," she yelled, "wake up! This is not church!" My wife, Lani, woke from her doze to the sound of the other patients laughing hysterically. ____________________________________________________

Today, July 6 in
1483 King Richard III of England was crowned. 

1699 Captain William Kidd, the pirate, was captured in Boston, MA,
and deported back to England. 

1777 British forces captured Fort Ticonderoga during the American
Revolution. 

1858 Lyman Blake patented the shoe manufacturing machine. 

1885 Louis Pasteur successfully tested his anti-rabies vaccine. The
child used in the test later became the director of the Pasteur
Institute. 

1905 Fingerprints were exchanged for the first time between
officials in Europe and the U.S. The person in question was John
Walker. 

1917 During World War I, Arab forces led by T.E. Lawrence captured
the port of Aqaba from the Turks. 

1919 A British dirigible landed in New York at Roosevelt Field. It
completed the first crossing of the Atlantic Ocean by an airship. 

1923 The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics was established. 

1928 "The Lights of New York" was previewed in New York's Strand
Theatre. It was the first all-talking movie. 

1942 Diarist Anne Frank and her family took refuge from the Nazis
in Amsterdam. 

1945 Nicaragua became the first nation to formally accept the
United Nations Charter. 

1947 "Candid Microphone" began airing on ABC radio. 

1966 Malawi became a republic within the Commonwealth with Dr.
Hastings Banda as its first president. 

1967 The Biafran War erupted. The war lasted two-and-a-half years.
About 600,000 people died. 

1981 Former President of Argentina Isabel Peron was freed after
five years of house arrest by a federal court. 

1981 The Dupont Company announced an agreement to purchase Conoco,
Inc. (Continental Oil Co.) for $7 billion. At the time it was the
largest merger in corporate history. 

1985 The submarine Nautilus arrived in Groton, Connecticut. The
vessel had been towed from Mare Island Naval Shipyard. 

1988 Several popular beaches were closed in New York City due to
medical waste and other debris began washing up on the seashores. 

1989 The U.S. Army destroyed its last Pershing 1-A missiles at an
ammunition plant in Karnack, TX. The dismantling was under the
terms of the 1987 Intermediate-range Nuclear Forces Treaty. 

1997 The Mars Pathfinder released Sojourner, a robot rover on the
surface of Mars. The spacecraft landed on the red planet on July
4th. 

1997 In Cambodia, Second Prime Minister Hun Sen ousted First Prime
Minister Norodom Ranariddh and claimed to have the capital under
his control. 

1998 Protestants rioted in many parts of Northern Ireland after
British authorities blocked an Orange Order march in Portadown. 

2000 A jury awarded former NHL player Tony Twist $24 million for
the unauthorized use of his name in the comic book Spawn and the
HBO cartoon series. Co-defendant HBO settled with Twist out of
court for an undisclosed amount. 

2018  smiled.


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Alternate default picture viewer 



---

Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday,  July 5

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
SC crook out of jail for 30 minutes   
then stole a police car
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 5 in
1951 Dr. William Shockley announced that he had invented the junction transistor. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. --- E E Cummings (1894 - 1962) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Tom had proposed to young Maureen and was being interviewed by his prospective father-in-law. "Do you think you are earning enough to support a family?" the older man asked the suitor. "Yes, sir", replied Tom, "I'm sure I am." "Think carefully now," said Maureen's father warningly. "There are twelve of us." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Interview with Yogi Berra Interviewer: Can you explain jazz? Yogi: I can't, but I will. 90% of all jazz is half improvisation. The other half is the part people play while others are playing something they never played with anyone who played that part. So if you play the wrong part, its right. If you play the right part, it might be right if you play it wrong enough. But if you play it too right, it's wrong. Interviewer: I don't understand. Yogi: Anyone who understands jazz knows that you can't understand it. It's too complicated. That's whats so simple about it. Interviewer: Do you understand it? Yogi: No. That's why I can explain it. If I understood it, I wouldnt know anything about it. Interviewer: Are there any great jazz players alive today? Yogi: No. All the great jazz players alive today are dead. Except for the ones that are still alive. But so many of them are dead, that the ones that are still alive are dying to be like the ones that are dead. Some would kill for it. Interviewer: What is syncopation? Yogi: That's when the note that you should hear now happens either before or after you hear it. In jazz, you don't hear notes when they happen because that would be some other type of music. Other types of music can be jazz, but only if they're the same as something different from those other kinds. Interviewer: Now I really don't understand. Yogi: I haven't taught you enough for you to not understand jazz ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Davon Deangelo Fuller 23, Holly Hill, South Carolina SC crook out of jail for 30 minutes then stole a police car A South Carolina man was back behind bars less than 24 hours after being released from a Lowcountry jail. Davon Deangelo Fuller did not waste any time getting back into trouble with law enforcement. The 23-year-old Holly Hill man was released from the Hill-Finklea Detention Center at 9:30 p.m. Monday, abcnews4.com reported. By 9:55 p.m. Fuller had not left the parking lot, but Moncks Corner Police said he already committed a crime, according to live5news.com. Fuller stole a car a Berkeley County Sheriff's Office deputy's car from the detention center parking lot, live5news.com reported. Police said Fuller was caught on surveillance footage hanging around outside the jail after his release. The video showed him attempting to open several cars, according to abcnews4.com, which said he wasn't successful until he got to the patrol car of Berkeley County Sheriff's deputy Javon Dingle. The car was unlocked, and a spare set of keys was not the only thing inside, live5news.com reported. Police said that Dingle's service pistol was also in the vehicle when Fuller stole the car. After viewing the surveillance footage, it didn't take law enforcement long to locate Fuller, who was arrested Tuesday, "in possession of the car and the gun," in St. Stephen, where police reported he told officers "he stole the vehicle because he needed a ride," according to abcnews4.com. Fuller was charged with grand larceny (value more than $2,000 but less than $10,000), according to jail records. Fuller, who had been in jail for unlawful carrying of a pistol, was behind bars again, this time in the Berkeley County Detention Center, according to the sheriff's office. He has not had a bond hearing for the most recent charge.
Tech Support Pits From: Joyce Re: Choice of picture viewer Dear Webby Whenever someone sends me a picture attachment, the Windows picture viewer pops up with the attachment. How can I change it so that my Picasa shows the picture instead of the Windows picture viewer? Is it even possible to change it to something other than that? Thanks and have a great weekend! Sincerely, Joyce Dear Joyce Go to MyComputer Tools Folder Options DON'T do what Microsoft says at http://support.microsoft.com/kb/307859 they are a bit confused about it. Instead click on File Types After a while, it will fill it's window with all the file types and shows what programs are associated with them. Find JPG, and change it's file association to Picasa then do the same for GIF and PNG When done, hit OK until you are out of all that. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS . . . I'm sorry. . .what did you ask me?
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A young and arrogant pilot wanted to "show off" on the aviation frequencies as he was approaching an airfield during the night. So, he disregarded policy and, instead of making an official request to the tower, he said, "Guess who?" The air traffic controller switched the field lights off and replied, "Guess where?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organized Camping Meals Here's a tip to save to help you organize your meals when camping. Measure ingredients for a recipe into small ziplock bags and then place those into one large bag with a label. It makes meal preparation a snap and ensures that you don't pack a lot of extra ingredients. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
A brief compendium of art nouveau treasures.
___________________________________________________ A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside-down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!" "So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital with heart trou8ble. The family called their pastor to stand with them. As the pastor stood next to the bed, Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The pastor thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, as the pastor was finishing the eulogy, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Fred had died. He said, "you know, ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all. Let's have his son read it to us!" His son opened the note, and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube, you useless windbag!" ____________________________________________________

Today, July 5 in
1806 A Spanish army repelled the British during their attempt to
retake Buenos Aires, Argentina. 

1811 Venezuela became the first South American country to declare
independence from Spain. 

1814 U.S. troops under Jacob Brown defeated a superior British
force at Chippewa, Canada. 

1830 France occupied the North African city of Algiers. 

1832 The German government began curtailing freedom of the press
after German Democrats advocate a revolt against Austrian rule. 

1839 British naval forces bombarded Dingai on Zhoushan Island in
China and then occupied it. 

1863 U.S. Federal troops occupied Vicksburg, MS, and distributed
supplies to the citizens. 

1865 William Booth founded the Salvation Army in London. 

1865 The U.S. Secret Service Division was created to combat
currency counterfeiting, forging and the altering of currency and
securities.

1892 Andrew Beard was issued a patent for the rotary engine. 

1916 Adelina and August Van Buren started on the first successful
transcontinental motorcycle tour to be attempted by two women. They
started in New York City and arrived in San Diego, CA, on September
12, 1916. 

1935 U.S. President Roosevelt signed the National Labor Relations
Act into law. The act authorized labor to organize for the purpose
of collective bargaining. 

1940 During World War II, Britain and the Vichy government in
France broke diplomatic relations. 

1941 German troops reached the Dnieper River in the Soviet Union. 

1943 The battle of Kursk began as German tanks attack the Soviet
salient. It was the largest tank battle in history. 

1946 The bikini bathing suit, popularized by Louis Reard, made its
debut during a fashion show at the Molitor Pool in Paris. Micheline
Bernardini wore the two-piece outfit. 

1948 Britain's National Health Service Act went into effect,
providing government-financed medical and dental care. 

1950 U.S. forces engaged the North Koreans for the first time at
Osan, South Korea. 

1951 Dr. William Shockley announced that he had invented the
junction transistor. 

1962 Algeria became independent after 132 years of French rule. 

1975 Arthur Ashe became the first black man to win a Wimbledon
singles title when he defeated Jimmy Connors. 

1984 The U.S. Supreme Court weakened the 70-year-old "exclusionary
rule," deciding that evidence seized with defective court warrants
could be used against defendants in criminal trials. 

1991 Regulators shut down the Pakistani-managed Bank of Credit and
Commerce International (BCCI) in eight countries. The charge was
fraud, drug money laundering and illegal infiltration into the U.S.
banking system. 

1995 The U.S. Justice Department decided not to take antitrust
action against Ticketmaster. 

1998 Japan joined U.S. and Russia in space exploration with the
launching of the Planet-B probe to Mars. 

2000 Jordanian security agents shot and killed a Syrian hijacker
after he threw a grenade that exploded and wounded 15 passengers
aboard a Royal Jordanian airliner. 

2000 10 Bengal tigers, including 7 rare white tigers, died at the
Nandankanan Zoo in India. The tigers died of trypanosomiasis
(sleeping sickness). 

2000 Euan Blair, the oldest son of British prime minister Tony
Blair, was arrested after police found him drunk and lying on the
ground in London's Leicester Square. 

2018  smiled.


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Soft foculs for selection 



---

Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday,  July 4
Happy Independence Day for the US!


Happy Independence Day for the Philippines!


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
 Florida woman tries to abduct kids from park,
 punches pregnant woman
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 4 in
1776 The amended Declaration of Independence, prepared by Thomas
Jefferson, was approved and signed by John Hancock, the President
of the Continental Congress in America. 

1946 The Philippines achieved full independence 
for the first time in over four hundred years. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Behind every great fortune there is a crime. --- Honore de Balzac (1799 - 1850) In mathematics you don't understand things. You just get used to them. --- Johann von Neumann (1903 - 1957) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A child was watching his mother sift through and delete a long list of junk E-mail on the computer screen. "This reminds me of the Lord's Prayer," the child said. "What do you mean?" "You know. That part about 'deliver us from E-mail.' " _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Elena Karneeva _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ >From Mickey My boyfriend and I met online and we'd been dating for over a year. I introduced Hans to my uncle, who was fascinated by the fact that we me over the Internet. He asked Hans what kind of line he had used to pick me up. Ever the geek, Hans naively replied," I just used a regular 20 Mbps DSL modem." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sarah Freeman, 34, Port Orange Florida Florida woman tries to abduct kids from park, punches pregnant woman A 34-year-old Port Orange woman on Monday afternoon tried to abduct two children from a park in the Wilbur-By-The-Sea neighborhood before punching a pregnant woman, the Volusia County Sheriff's Office said. Deputies said they were called shortly before 1:30 p.m. to Toronita Avenue Beach Park at Toronita and South Atlantic avenues after two parents reported they had to pull their children away from Sarah Freeman, Sheriff's Office spokesman Andrew Gant said. Investigators said Freeman approached a 7-year-old girl, told her, "This isn’t a Florida trip you’re going to want to remember," and tried to grab her by the towel she was wearing. The girl's mother, who is six months pregnant, pulled her daughter away from Freeman, who hit the woman during the struggle, deputies said. Investigators said Freeman approached a man whose backside she struck with a stick before saying, "We don’t know you around here." "She told his 5-year-old son, 'It will be all right. He's not your dad,' grabbed him by the arm and started to walk away," Gant said. "The father intervened, got his son back and took him back to his truck, where Freeman tried to force her way in through a passenger window." Deputies said Freeman turned to another woman and said, "I'll just take your kid, then." The woman took her child into their vehicle and locked the doors, investigators said. "Once in custody, she mumbled and made unintelligible statements to a deputy, who noticed she appeared to be under the influence of some unknown substance," Gant said. Freeman was booked into the Volusia County Branch Jail on two counts of attempted kidnapping and one count each of aggravated battery on a pregnant victim, burglary of a conveyance and battery. She is being held without bail.
Tech Support Pits From: Britta Re: More on Soft focus for picture Dear Webby Did somebody rudely interrupt you as you were explaining how to make a sharp spot in a soft focus picture? What is the next step? Britta Dear Britta If somebody did, I would never tell on her '-) Select the relevant part with the lassoo or any selecting tool, Th0en the next step is to play and experiment. Do you want the irrelevant parts of that machine, or whatever you are describing, to be shaded, as if only the relevant part was in the sun ? Then reduce brightness. Do you want a light mist over the irrelevant parts? Then increase brightness and reduce contrast. Just play and experiment until yuo have the results that you want. Then stick with that setting. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A lady lost her handbag at the mall. found it and returned it to her. Looking in her purse, she said, "Hmm, that's funny. When I lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." replied, "That IS funny. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A voice on the bank loudspeaker announced: "We will be testing the speaker system to make sure it will work pro- perly in case of emergency." My confidence in this safety precaution faded when the voice added: "If you are unable to hear this announcement, please contact the main office." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Loading a Moving Truck If you rent a moving truck, these tips may be helpful to consider as you load it. Make sure to stack breakable items towards the top and put the items that you want to get to first in the truck last. Load items as tightly as possible to prevent boxes from shifting while driving. If you have any large furniture or appliances that may have a tendency to tip or slide when driving up or a down a hill, make sure to tie them to the wall. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Inside the deserted mansions of an American heiress.
___________________________________________________ >Thanks to Sarah for this one: (She's not worried that her mother will read his submission. She's not on the net, because she is afraid she might miss a call from her) Phone rings. JEWISH MOTHER picks up the phone and answers) Jewish Mother Hello? Daughter Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight? Jewish Mother You're going out? Daughter Yes. Jewish Mother With whom? Daughter With a friend. Jewish Mother I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man. Daughter I didn't leave him. He left me! Jewish Mother You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies. Daughter I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids? Jewish Mother I never left you to go out with anybody except your father. Daughter There are lots of things that you did and I don't. Jewish Mother What are you hinting at? Daughter Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight. Jewish Mother You're going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out? Daughter My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone! Jewish Mother So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place? Daughter He's not a loser. Jewish Mother A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite. Daughter I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not? Jewish Mother Poor children with such a mother. Daughter Such a what? Jewish Mother With no stability. No wonder your husband left you. Daughter ENOUGH !!! Jewish Mother Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too! Daughter Now you're worried about the loser? Jewish Mother Ah, so you see he's a loser. I spotted him immediately. Daughter Goodbye, mother. Jewish Mother Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over? Daughter I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out! Jewish Mother If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone? ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you." "I know," said the man, "but I can't. She will divorce me if I don't. ____________________________________________________

Today, July 4 in
1776 The amended Declaration of Independence, prepared by Thomas
Jefferson, was approved and signed by John Hancock, the President
of the Continental Congress in America. 

1802 The U.S. Military Academy officially opened at West Point, NY.

1803 The Louisiana Purchase was announced in newspapers. The
property was purchased, by the U.S. from France, was for $15
million (or 3 cents an acre). The "Corps of Discovery," led by
Meriwether Lewis and William Clark, began the exploration of the
territory on May 14, 1804. 

1817 Construction began on the Erie Canal, to connect Lake Erie and
the Hudson River. 

1845 American writer Henry David Thoreau began his two-year
experiment in simple living at Walden Pond, near Concord, MA. 

1848 In Washington, DC, the cornerstone for the Washington Monument
was laid. 

1863 The Confederate town of Vicksburg, MS, surrendered to General
Ulysses S. Grant. 

1884 Bullfighting was introduced in the U.S. in Dodge City, KS. 

1886 The first rodeo in America was held at Prescott, AZ. 

1892 The first double-decked street car service was inaugurated in
San Diego, CA. 

1894 After seizing power, Judge Stanford B. Dole declared Hawaii a
republic. 

1901 William H. Taft became the American governor of the
Philippines. 

1910 Race riots broke out all over the United States after African-
American Jack Johnson knocked out Jim Jeffries in a heavyweight
boxing match. 

1934 Boxer Joe Louis won his first professional fight. 

1934 At Mount Rushmore, George Washington's face was dedicated. 

1946 The Philippines achieved full independence for the first time
in over four hundred years. 

1955 The first king cobra snakes born in captivity in the U.S.
hatched at the Bronx Zoo in New York City. 

1957 The U.S. Postal Service issued the 4˘ Flag stamp. 

1959 The 49-star U.S. flag became official. 

1960 The 50-star U.S. flag made its debut in Philadelphia, PA. 

1966 U.S. President Johnson signed the Freedom of Information Act,
which went into effect the following year. 

1976 The U.S. celebrated its Bicentennial. 

1982 The Soviets performed a nuclear test at Eastern Kazakhl
Semipalitinsk. 

1987 Klaus Barbie, the former Gestapo chief known as the "Butcher
of Lyon," was convicted by a French court of crimes against
humanity and sentenced to life in prison. 

1997 The Mars Pathfinder, an unmanned spacecraft, landed on Mars. A
rover named Sojourner was deployed to gather data about the
surface
of the planet. 

1997 Ferry service between Manhattan and Staten Island was made
free of charge. Previously, the charge had ranged from 5 cents to
50 cents. 

2004 In New York, the cornerstone of the Freedom Tower (One World
Trade Center) was laid on the former World Trade Center site. 

2005 NASA's Deep Impact spacecraft took pictures as a space probe
smashed into the Tempel 1 comet. The mission was aimed at learning
more about comets that formed from the leftover buidling blocks of
the solar system. The Deep Impact mission launched on January 12,
2005. 

2009 North Korea launched seven ballistic missiles into waters off
its east coast that defied U.N. resolutions. 

2009 The Statue of Liberty's crown reopened to visitors. It had
been closed to the public since 2001. 

2018  smiled.


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Autoresponder nuisance 



---

Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday,  July 3

The people in the US, who are still loyal subjects to the
Imperial British measurement system, and have not yet
gotten permission from the Queen to upgrade to metric,
will have to wait another day for their Independence
day. 

So it's my day to razz you about your quaint
BTU (British Thermal Unit), Fahrenheit, Feet, Cubits, 
Yards, Furlongs, heaped and struck bushels, and all the
neat stuff we read about in the old fairy tales and history
books. 

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman sentenced for hiding 
handcuff key in chicken sandwich
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 3 in
1939 Chic Young’s comic strip character, "Blondie" was first heard
on CBS radio. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for our anniversary. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight." he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams." The husband had to visit the hospital after that. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Earth July 2 _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ KNOW YOUR STATE MOTTO.. Alabama Hell Yeah, We Have Electricity. Alaska 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong! Arizona Yeah, But It's A Dry Heat. Arkansas Lituracy Ain't Everythang. California By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda. Colorado If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother. Connecticut Like Massachusetts , only smaller Delaware We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water. Florida Ask Us About Our Grandkids And Our Voting Skills. Georgia We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism. Hawaii Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money) Idaho More Than Just Potatoes... Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good Illinois Please, Don't Pronounce the "S" Indiana 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free Iowa We Do Amazing Things With Corn Kansas First Of The Rectangle States Kentucky Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names Louisiana We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign. Maine We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster Maryland If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It Massachusetts Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden 's And Our Senators Are More Corrupt! Michigan First Line Of Defense Against The Canadians Minnesota 10,000 Lakes... And 10 Zillion Mosquitoes Mississippi Come visit And Feel Better About Your Own State Missouri Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work Montana Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Honest Elections! Nebraska Ask About Our State Motto Contest Nevada Hookers and Poker! New Hampshire Go Away And Leave Us Alone New Jersey You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Your ##$%##! Motto Right here! New Mexico Lizards Make Excellent Pets New York You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney... And No Right To Self Defense! North Carolina Tobacco Is A Vegetable North Dakota We Really Are One Of The 50 States! Ohio At Least We're Not Michigan Oklahoma Like The Play, But No Singing Oregon Spotted Owl.. It's What's For Dinner Pennsylvania Cook With Coal Rhode Island We're Not REALLY An Island South Carolina Remember The Civil War? Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender Yet South Dakota Closer Than North Dakota Tennessee Home of the Al Gore Invention Museum Texas Se Hable Ingles Utah Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus Vermont Too liberal for the Kennedy's Virginia Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjawed Yokels Don't Mix? Washington Our Governor can out-fraud your Governor! West Virginia One Big Happy Family...Really! Wisconsin Come Cut the Cheese! Wyoming Where Men Are Men... And The Sheep Are Scared Home of Brokeback Mtn. The District of Columbia The Work-Free Drug Place ! BC Like California but more rain ALBERTA Where your natural gas comes from SASKATCHEWAN We got grain elevators taller than our mountains MANITOBA Hundreds of lakes and gazillions of mosquitos ONTARIO Center of the universe QUEBEC Everybody assumes you are an asshole, but racism is socially bacceptable NEW BRUNSWICK You are sandwiched between French assholes and drunken Celtic fiddlers NOVA SCOTIA Everyone is a fiddle player PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND You can drive across the the province in two minutes NEWFOUNDLAND Reason for the Newfie jokes YUKON TERRITORY Gold, fish and beer. And Midnight Sun. NORTHWEST TERRITORY Big ass diamond mine and a Million lakes NUNAVUT No scenery but lots of photogenic Polar bears ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Trisha Denlinger, 48, Baldwin, Florida Florida woman sentenced for hiding handcuff key in chicken sandwich The Baldwin woman accused of concealing a plastic handcuff key in a chicken sandwich at Florida State Prison has now been sentenced to 30 months in prison. WOKV told you back in April that 48-year-old Trisha Denlinger had been arrested. She has now pleaded “nolo contendere” in Bradford County to unlawful possession of a handcuff key and conveying tools to aid escape and been sentenced to 30 months, with credit for 60 days time served. Denlinger arranged to visit her husband at Florida State Prison, where he was an inmate, according to her arrest affidavit. Records say she purchased a sealed chicken sandwich, unsealed it, heated it in a microwave, and then gave it to a Correctional Officer to search. Investigators say the Officer found a plastic handcuff key in that sandwich. The arrest affidavit says Denlinger went through three prison fences, four gates, and a metal detector. Her person items had gone through an X-ray scanner, per the Florida Department of Corrections.
Tech Support Pits From Susan RE: Auto responders Dear Webby Hi there, your daily letter is not only funny but invariably useful tech-wise! As always, many thanks (and a question, of course)! Is there an auto-responder software that you recommend? I only want it for the two months this summer when we will be out of the country and away from e-mail (yay). Thanks, Susan Dear Susan Autoresponders are a nuisance and will get you blocked. Since your friends seem to be more or less literate, send them an email telling them that you will be off-line till fall. Send the email to yourself, and put the entire address book into the BCC. Half of them will forget in two minutes and mail you anyway, but will rememeber when there is no speedy reply. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Out canvassing for a charity, my friend Irene and I knocked at a door. It was opened by a huge bear of a man, who was wearing a large black bra, over his shirt. Irene, being a devout Catholic, crossed herself, backed up ready to make a fast retreat. I asked politely for a donation, trying to keep my eyes from wandering to his protruding undergarment. He grinned evilly at me, "Wanna feel em?" Horrified, I turned to leave, when one side of his bra came alive with motion. Irene was now crossing herself with a flurry, muttering, "Jaysus, Mary and Murphy." She was begging the saints to protect her, when a tiny tail flipped out of his bra. "Oh my sweet Lord," she squealed, "He's got rats in his boobs," bolted for the car, offering up 'Hail Mary's.' as she tore off the porch. An old lady came out of the house, glared at the man, who just grinned back. He put his hands up to cradle both cups, which were now writhing with movement. She turned to me asking, "Did he ask you to play with them?" "Yes", I gulped. "Well," she said, patting my hand, " He's not too bright, but it's not what you think." She ordered him to pull his bra out so I could peek inside. Hesitantly I watched, while he pulled the garment down. When I got a good look I burst out laughing. Tiny muzzles with whiskers, long sinuous bodies, small heads with bright beady eyes, stared back at me. "Their mama died," he explained, " This bra is the perfect place to keep them warm." Both cups were filled to the brim with tiny baby ferrets.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 250 in less then 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a gift-wrapped box in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new heavy duty bathroom scale. Ed has been missing since Friday. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Birdbath Use two large stackable plastic bowls. Nail one of them onto a fence post, and set the other one into it. That way it will be held securely in any wind, but is easy to remove for cleaning or filling. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Daguerreotypes of anonymous African Americans.
___________________________________________________ The stockbroker's secretary answered his phone one morning. "I'm sorry," she said, "Mr. Bradford's on another line." "This is Mr. Ingram's office," the caller said. "We'd like to know if he's bullish or bearish right now." "He's talking to his wife," the secretary replied. "Right now I'd say he's sheepish." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A newspaper reporter for the Los Angeles Times had received instructions from his senior editor to get photographs of a brush fire in the foothills of northern California. The instructions included hurrying to the Santa Monica Airport to board a small plane, taking some photos of the fire, and hurrying back by noon with the story. The reporter dressed quickly, rushed to the airport, saw the small plane waiting on the runway, drove his car to the end of the runway, parked, and climbed on board. Off they flew into the clear blue skies. At about 5,000 feet, the reporter took out his camera and said to the man flying the plane, "Bank right and I'll take some pictures of this fire." Then he heard the most frightening questions of his life, "Bank right? How do I do that? You ARE the instructor, aren't you?" ____________________________________________________

Today, July 3 in
1608 The city of Quebec was founded by Samuel de Champlain. 

1844 Ambassador Caleb Cushing successfully negotiated a commercial
treaty with China that opened five Chinese ports to U.S. merchants
and protected the rights of American citizens in China. 

1863 The U.S. Civil War Battle of Gettysburg, PA, ended after three
days. It was a major victory for the North as Confederate troops
retreated. 

1871 The Denver and Rio Grande Western Railroad Company introduced
the first narrow-gauge locomotive. It was called the "Montezuma." 

1878 John Wise flew the first dirigible in Lancaster, PA. 

1898 During the Spanish American War, a fleet of Spanish ships in
Cuba's Santiago Harbor attempted to run a blockade of U.S. naval
forces. Nearly all of the Spanish ships were destroyed in the
battle that followed. 

1903 The first cable across the Pacific Ocean was spliced between
Honolulu, Midway, Guam and Manila. 

1930 The U.S. Congress created the U.S. Veterans Administration. 

1937 Del Mar race track opened in Del Mar, CA. 

1939 Chic Young’s comic strip character, "Blondie" was first heard
on CBS radio. 

1940 Bud Abbott and Lou Costello debuted on NBC radio. 

1944 The U.S. First Army opened a general offensive to break out of
the hedgerow area of Normandy, France. 

1944 During World War II, Soviet forces recaptured Minsk. 

1945 U.S. troops landed at Balikpapan and take Sepinggan airfield
on Borneo in the Pacific. 

1945 The first civilian passenger car built since February 1942 was
driven off the assembly line at the Ford Motor Company plant in
Detroit, MI. Production had been diverted due to World War II. 

1950 U.S. carrier-based planes attacked airfields in the Pyongyang-
Chinnampo area of North Korea in the first air-strike of the Korean
War. 

1954 Food rationing ended in Great Britain almost nine years after
the end of World War II. 

1974 The Threshold Test Ban Treaty was signed, prohibiting
underground nuclear weapons tests with yields greater than 150
kilotons. 

1981 The Associated Press ran its first story about two rare
illnesses afflicting homosexual men. One of the diseases was later
named AIDS. 

1986 U.S. President Reagan presided over a ceremony in New York
Harbor that saw the relighting of the renovated Statue of Liberty. 

1986 Mikhail Baryshnikov became a U.S. citizen at Ellis Island, New
York Harbor. 

1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush formally inaugurated the Mount
Rushmore National Memorial in South Dakota. 

2018  smiled.


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Preparing computer for trip to Europe 



---

Good Morning, !
Today is Monday,  July 2

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Blue Martini employees call police after 
Rolex robber returns to business
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 2 in
1982 Larry Walters ("Lawnchair Larry") took flight in his homeade
airship that consisted of a lawnchair with 45 helium-filled weather
balloons attached to it. He stayed in flight for about an hour. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else? --- James Thurber (1894 - 1961) The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced. --- Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Morris for this story: One day, while driving with my then 5 year old daughter Melanie, I beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at me as if she was demanding an explanation. I said, "I did that by accident..." She replied, "I know that....'cause you didn't scream 'F@#$%&g A********!' after beeping!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ These were actual hospital patient reports...enjoy! 1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. 7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. 10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 12. She is numb from her toes down. 13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. 14. The skin was moist and dry. 15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 16. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 23. Skin: somewhat pale but present. 24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. 25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kira White, 23, Miami, Florida Blue Martini employees call police after Rolex robber returns to business A 23-year-old woman was arrested early Friday, nearly two weeks after she stole $65,000 in jewelry from a man she met at the Blue Martini bar at The Shops at Mary Brickell Village, authorities said. According to an arrest report, the victim, Israel Sosa, met Kira White while standing near the VIP section of the bar around 1 a.m. June 16. Police said they interviewed several employees, one of whom said they served White and the victim several bottles. The employee noticed White would not drink from the glasses and would just push the glass aside, the arrest report stated. Police said White and Sosa left the bar as it was closing and the victim told White he was going to his hotel and that he would pay a driver to take her back home. But White told him she wanted to hang out for a little longer, so she accompanied Sosa back to his hotel, authorities said. Surveillance video from the hotel shows Sosa walking into an elevator with the woman. Sosa, who is from New Jersey, told Local 10 News reporter Nicole Perez via Facetime that he didn't realize White, whose name he thought was Meghan, had already stolen his gold chain. Police said the two had another drink in the hotel room and Sosa left his drink unattended as he used the restroom. Sosa told authorities he woke up several hours later and discovered that White had left, taking with her his $30,000 Cuban-link gold chain and his $30,000 Rolex watch, which had a $5,000 medallion on it. The victim said she also took $5,000 in $100 bills that were inside his wallet. "I ran downstairs and told the front desk at the hotel," Sosa said. "They were, like, dumbfounded, and I was like, 'We need to call the police. This lady just took my belongings.'" Surveillance video from the hotel shows a woman, believed to be White, coming out of the elevator alone and rummaging through what appears to be a bag before she pulls out a towel. Sosa told Local 10 News that he had left his diamond Rolex on top of a towel inside his hotel room. "She gave me another drink. The last thing I recall, she said, 'I'm going to use the restroom.' And then I walked up- there was a watch I had- my diamond watch on top of a towel. And when I jumped up around 7:30, I realized the towel was gone with the watch," Sosa said. A Blue Martini employee told Local 10 News that a member of the nightclub's security team spotted White walking on the street below the business early Friday and notified authorities. White was arrested on a grand theft charge.
Tech Support Pits From: Richard Re: Computer for Europe Dear Webby I have to go to Europe for six month. Can my computer be adapted to work over there, or would it be better to buy one there? I also have an Iomega remote hard drive. Does that one work there? Thanks Richard Dear Richard Yes, they all work just fine in Europe. Take along the power bar that you use now, but cut the plug off. When you get there, go to the nearest hardware store or supermarket and buy a regular plug. Each country there has a different plug, and some countries have different ones in different regions. All that talk about a united and standardized Europe is just BS. The only thing they all have in common is a dislike for Americans, and usually also a fair bit of envy. Get their local plug and attach it to the power bar cord. Computers and Laptop chargers are all rated 100-250 Volt. So, don't worry about the voltage. The Iomega remote hard drive doesn't care what voltage you power it with. It adapts automatically for anything between 100 and 240. The newer remote hard drives are powered by their USB connection and don't even have a separate power supply. You COULD get an adapter for the area that you go to, but they cost 8 - 10 times more than an ordinary power plug, plus shipping. If you are concerned about the remote hard drive causing problems at airport security, you can just get a few 64 GB camera chips and put your important files onto those. They are considerably lighter when carrying your carry-on through a few miles of hard airport corridors. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
From a passenger ship, everyone can see a bearded man on a small island, shouting and desperately waving his hands. "Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain. "I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
When her late husband's will was read, a widow learned he had left the bulk of his fortune to another woman. Enraged, she rushed to change the inscription on her spouse's tombstone. "Sorry, lady," said the stonecutter. "I inscribed 'Rest in Peace' on your orders. I can't change it now." "Very well," she said grimly. "Just add, `Until We Meet Again.' " ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy a Programmable Thermostat A programmable thermostat can save you 10% annually on your heating and cooling costs. They are easy to install and can be purchased at any hardware or home improvement store for about $30 to $50. That way you aren't heating or cooling the house when no one is home. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
This guy combines animals in Photoshop and now I don’t know what’s real.
___________________________________________________ In Bill Gates' book (Business @ The Speed of Thought), he lays out 11 rules that students do not learn in high school or college. He argues that our feel good, politically correct teachings have created a generation of kids with no concept of reality who are set up for failure in the real world. RULE 1 - Life is not fair; get used to it. RULE 2 - The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself. RULE 3 - You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice president with a car phone, until you earn both. RULE 4 - If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure. RULE 5 - Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping; they called it opportunity. RULE 6 - If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them. RULE 7 - Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents' generation, try "delousing" the closet in your own room. RULE 8 - Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades; they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life. RULE 9 - Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time. RULE 10 - Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs. RULE 11 - Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! 'Help me dear,' she groans to her husband. The husband dials 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. 'I'm dying over here and you're putting?' 'Don't worry dear', says the husband calmly. 'they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you'. 'Well how long will it take for him to get here', she asks feebly?! 'No time at all', says her husband, practicing his putting stroke. Everybody's already agreed to let him play through'! ____________________________________________________

Today, July 2 in
1298 An army under Albert of Austria defeated and killed Adolf of
Nassua near Worms, Germany. 

1625 The Spanish army took Breda, Spain, after nearly a year of
siege. 

1644 Lord Cromwell crushed the Royalists at the Battle of Marston
Moor near York, England. 

1747 Marshall Saxe led the French forces to victory over an Anglo-
Dutch force under the Duke of Cumberland at the Battle of Lauffeld.


1776 Richard Henry Lee’s resolution that the American colonies
"are, and of right ought to be, free and independent States" was
adopted by the Continental Congress. 

1850 Prussia agreed to pull out of Schlewig and Holstein, Germany. 

1850 Benjamin Lane patented a gas mask with a breathing apparatus.
(Patent US7476 A) 

1857 New York City’s first elevated railroad officially opened for
business. 

1858 Czar Alexander II freed the serfs working on imperial lands. 

1881 Charles J. Guiteau fatally wounded U.S. President James A.
Garfield in Washington, DC. 

1890 The U.S. Congress passed the Sherman Antitrust Act. 

1926 The U.S. Congress established the Army Air Corps. 

1937 American aviation pioneer Amelia Earhart disappeared in the
Central Pacific during an attempt to fly around the world at the
equator. 

1939 At Mount Rushmore, Theodore Roosevelt's face was dedicated. 

1944 American bombers, as part of Operation Gardening, dropped land
mines, leaflets and bombs on German-occupied Budapest. 

1947 An object crashed near Roswell, NM. The U.S. Army Air Force
insisted it was a weather balloon, but eyewitness accounts led to
speculation that it might have been an alien spacecraft. 

1962 Wal-Mart Discount City opened in Rogers, Arkansas. It was the
first Walmart store. 

1964 U.S. President Johnson signed the "Civil Rights Act of 1964"
into law. The act made it illegal in the U.S. to discriminate
against others because of their race. 

1967 The U.S. Marine Corps launched Operation Buffalo in response
to the North Vietnamese Army's efforts to seize the Marine base at
Con Thien. 

1976 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled the death penalty was not
inherently cruel or unusual. 

1976 North Vietnam and South Vietnam were reunited. 

1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter reinstated draft registration for
males 18 years of age. 

1981 Soyuz T-6 returned to Earth. 

1982 Larry Walters ("Lawnchair Larry") took flight in his homeade
airship that consisted of a lawnchair with 45 helium-filled weather
balloons attached to it. He stayed in flight for about an hour. 

1985 General Motors announced that it was installing electronic
road maps as an option in some of its higher-priced cars. 

1995 "Forbes" magazine reported that Microsoft's chairman, Bill
Gates, was worth $12.9 billion, making him the world's richest man.


1998 Cable News Network (CNN) retracted a story that alleged that
U.S. commandos had used nerve gas to kill American defectors during
the Vietnam War. 

2000 In Mexico, Vicente Fox Quesada of the National Action Party
(PAN) defeated Francisco Labastida Ochoa of the Institutional
Revolutionary Party (PRI) in the presidential election. The PRI had
controlled the presidency in Mexico since the party was founded in
1929. 

2018  smiled.


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Computer recommendation 



---

Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday,  July 1
Happy Canada Day!


Because Hagar and his crew settled in Newfoundland 300 years
before Columbus, Canada Day is 3 days before the American July 4
holiday. 

The name Canada dates to Jacques Cartier's second voyage (1535-
1536), when he transcribed the Huron-Iroquoian word, Kanata,
meaning  settlement.  By the mid-1500s, Canada was already
appearing on European maps of North America as the area north of
the St. Lawrence River.

Just like on July 4, huge quantities of beer get consumed.
Here is the site of Molson Canadian

Have FUN!
Dearwebby


Todays Bonehead Award:
Britain's most prolific criminal, 62, 
back behind bars for his 668th offence
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 1 in
1991 The Warsaw Pact dissolved. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Most men are within a finger's breadth of being mad. --- Diogenes the Cynic (412 BC - 323 BC) Happiness doesn't depend upon who you are or what you have; it depends solely on what you think. --- Dale Carnegie ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ These ads could have benefitted from a bit of proof-reading! Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. For Rent: 6-room hated apartment. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, and you'll never go anywhere again. Illiterate? Write today for free help. Great Dames for sale. Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in. Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours. Stock up and save. Limit: one. Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first! Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. 3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. Mother's helper--peasant working conditions. Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale. And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience. We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting. "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it." "When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder. "Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that is hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards." "Is that when you swore?" "No, Mother," says the nun. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away." "Is that when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again. "Well, no." says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!" "Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun. "No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball." "Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient. "No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about six inches from the hole." The two nuns were silent for a moment. Then Mother Superior sighed and said, "You missed the @#$%^& putt, didn't you?" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Schletter, 35, Duval County, Florida Britain's most prolific criminal, 62, back behind bars for his 668th offence Patrick Ryan, 62, Accrington, Lancashire, England Patrick Ryan, 62, has run up a staggering 469 convictions for a total of 668 offences, costing UK taxpayers a staggering Ł3 million to take to court. His criminal record runs to 100 pages and is so long a police force once put a note on it warning workers not to print it out as it would waste too much paper. This week at Preston Crown Court a probation officer referred to Ryan's 'sheer number' of convictions and admitted he had 'never seen a record like it'. Judge Andrew Jefferies QC jailed him for 18 months after hearing how he exposed himself to a bus-load of appalled passengers, groped one and urinated. The judge told him: 'You're 62 and you expose yourself and urinate on a bus.. 'You're drunk and stumbling and grope a woman. No one should have to be groped by a drunk man. 'You then go on another bus and because of the effect of the drink, you urinate again. 'Set against that record, I have no hesitation in sentencing you to 18 months in prison. 'You will serve half of that sentence and will be released on licence and supervision after that. 'During the period of licence and supervision, this would be be a good time to look at your mental health and drinking problem.'
Tech Support Pits From: Stormy Re: Computer recommendation Dear Webby I'm giving my Toshiba lap top to my son. What would 'you' recommend for someone who loves to download everything, save up "stuff' and writes? Any help here would be appreciated! The computer store here says they can build one for me, keeping in mind what I want it for. They start at about $1,1000. I am on a diet concerning income, so have to be really sure of what I buy. Thanks, have a super day, stormy Dear Stormy I have heard about the computer stores in your town. Forget them. Go to the next big town, that has a Staples, or shop online. You don't need a high performance machine for bragging on the school bus. The cheapest laptop will be overkill. Staples sometimes have dusty big screen laptops really cheap. I got an Acer Aspire with a 17" screen there for around $300 about 7 years ago, because all the Yuppies want small ones to take into Starbucks, and the huge 17" laptop just gathered dust. It has been my work machine ever since. Don't worry about the disk size. IF and when you run out of space, you can get a USB connected external 2 TeraByte drive, that will become an heirloom. You will never fill that. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A chief and an admiral were sitting in the barber shop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves--the barbers were reaching for some aftershave to slap on their faces. The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!" The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Kentucky An excerpt from brilliant Kentucky state legislation. "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club." The following important amendment however is to be considered here: "The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to male horses." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Animals Out of Trash A bungie cord securing the lid should prevent trash from spilling out if an animal tips it over. As a deterrent, fill a spray bottle with ammonia and spray the outside of the can every few days. This will keep animals away. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
___________________________________________________ What women say and what they mean: FINE: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments. FIVE MINUTES: This is a half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade. NOTHING: This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine." GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine." GO AHEAD (with normal eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raise! d eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off. LOUD SIGH: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing." SOFT SIGH: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content. THAT'S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. PLEASE DO: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, ! so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay." THANKS: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you're welcome. THANKS A LOT: This is much different from "THANKS." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be care not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Oh Nothing." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
My boss wanted a "Clean Desk" policy, so he sent a memo saying that any paperwork left on desks would be removed at night and we would have to fill out a form to get it back. So we left all our trash paper on our desks every night. In a week, the boss had an office full of trash, nobody filled out a retrieval form, and we never heard about the policy again. ____________________________________________________

Today, July 1 in
0096 Vespasian, a Roman Army leader, was hailed as a Roman Emperor
by the Egyptian legions. 

1543 England and Scotland signed the peace of Greenwich. 

1596 An English fleet under the Earl of Essex, Lord Howard of
Effingham and Francis Vere captured and sacked Cadiz, Spain. 

1690 The French defeated the forces of the Grand Alliance at
Fleurus in the Netherlands. 

1798 Napoleon Bonaparte took Alexandria, Egypt. 

1845 Uniform postal rates went into effect throughout the United
States. The Act of Congress was passed on March 3, 1845. 

1847 In New York City, the U.S. Post Office issued its first
adhesive stamps. The two stamps available were a 5-cent Benjamin
Franklin and a 10-cent George Washington. 

1862 The U.S. Congress established the Bureau of Internal Revenue. 

1863 During the U.S. Civil War, the first day's fighting at
Gettysburg began. 

1867 Canada became an independent dominion. 

1874 The Philadelphia Zoological Society zoo opened as the first
zoo in the United States. 

1876 Montenegro declared war on the Turks. 

1893 The first bicycle race track in America to be made out of wood
was opened in San Francisco, CA. 

1898 During the Spanish-American War, Theodore Roosevelt and his
"Rough Riders" waged a victorious assault on San Juan Hill in Cuba.


1905 The USDA Forest Service was created within the Department of
Agriculture. The agency was given the mission to sustain healthy,
diverse, and productive forests and grasslands for present and
future generations. 

1909 Thomas Edison began commercially manufacturing his new "A"
type alkaline storage batteries. 

1916 The massive Allied offensive known as the Battle of the Somme
began in France. The battle was the first to use tanks. 

1940 In Washington, the Tacoma Narrows Bridge was opened to
traffic. The bridge collapsed during a wind storm on November 7,
1940. 

1941 Bulova Watch Company sponsored the first TV commercial in New
York City, NY. 

1942 German troops captured Sevestpol, Crimea, in the Soviet Union.


1943 The U.S. Government began automatically withholding federal
income tax from paychecks. 

1945 New York established the New York State Commission Against
Discrimination to prevent discrimination in employment because of
race, creed or natural origin. It was the first such agency in the
U.S. 

1946 U.S. President Harry Truman signed Public Law 476 that
incorporated the Civil Air Patrol as a benevolent, nonprofit
organization. The Civil Air Patrol was created on December 1, 1941.


1946 The U.S. exploded a 20-kiloton atomic bomb near Bikini Atoll
in the Pacific Ocean. 

1948 The price of a subway ride in New York City was increased from
5 cents to 10. 

1950 American ground troops arrived in South Korea to stem the tide
of the advancing North Korean army. 

1960 Somalia gained its independence from Britain through the
unification of Somaliland with Italian Somalia. 

1961 British troops landed in Kuwait to aid against Iraqi threats. 

1961 The first community air-raid shelter was built. The shelter in
Boise, ID had a capacity of 1,000 people and family memberships
sold for $100. 

1963 The U.S. postmaster introduced the five-digit ZIP (Zoning
Improvement Plan) code. 

1966 The Medicare federal insurance program went into effect. 

1968 The Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty was signed by 60
countries. It limited the spreading of nuclear material for
military purposes. On May 11, 1995, the treaty was extended
indefinitely. 

1969 Britain's Prince Charles was invested as the Prince of Wales. 

1974 Isavel Peron became the president of Argentina upon the death
of her husband, Juan. 

1979 Sony introduced the Walkman. 

1981 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that candidates for federal
office had an "affirmative right" to go on national television. 

1987 John Kevin Hill, at age 11, became the youngest to fly across
the U.S. when he landed at National Airport in Washington, DC. 

1989 The Montreal Protocol, an international treaty, went into
effect. It limited the production of ozone-destroying chemicals. 

1991 The Warsaw Pact dissolved. 

1994 Yasser Arafat of the Palestinian Liberation Organization
visited the Gaza Strip. 

1997 The sovereignty over Hong Kong was transferred from Great
Britain to China. Britain had controlled Hong Kong as a colony for
156 years. 

1999 The U.S. Justice Department released new regulations that
granted the attorney general sole power to appoint and oversee
special counsels. The 1978 independent-counsel statute expired on
June 30. 

2003 In Hong Kong, thousands of protesters marched to show their
opposition to anti-subversion legislation. 

2018  smiled.


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