How to find a nice font
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Good Morning, ,

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Ohio Woman's Plot to Kill Estranged Husband with Kids
in Car Is So Heartless the Hitman Refuses to Do It
______________________________________________________
Today, October 4, in
1535 The first complete English translation of the Bible
was printed in Zurich, Switzerland.
See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
The function of socialism is to raise suffering
to a higher level.
--- Norman Mailer (1923 - 2007)

"One of the secrets of life is to make stepping stones
out of stumbling blocks."
--- Jack Penn

A mistake, that is not repeated, is a stepping stone.
--- DearWebby
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

>From Ella
When my sister got married, she asked to wear my mother's
wedding dress. The day she tried it on for the first time I
was sitting with Mother in the living room when my sister
came down the stairs.

The gown was a perfect fit on her petite frame. Mother's
eyes welled with tears. I put my arm around her.
"Don't cry, remember you're not losing a daughter,
you're gaining a son."

"Oh, I'm not crying about that!" she said with a sob.
"I used to fit into that dress!"

______________________________________________________
2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP \$29.99

______________________________________________________

When a physician remarked on a new patient's
extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said,
"High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family."

"Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family."

"Oh, come now," the doctor said. "How could
your wife's family give you high blood pressure?"

He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!"

______________________________________________________

From Karen Vaisman
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

has been earned by

Shelly Carter,
42,
Cincinnati,
Ohio

Ohio Woman's Plot to Kill Estranged Husband with Kids in
Car Is So Heartless the Hitman Refuses to Do It

She was willing to kill for her “dream house.”
An Ohio dog groomer was collared last week for allegedly
hiring a hitman to zap her estranged husband in the middle of
their divorce.
Shelly Ann Carter, 42, offered an assassin \$1,000 and a car to
slay her 44-year-old hubby but the hitman had a change of
heart, police say.

Carter’s 23-year-old boyfriend, Ryan Stark, was also arrested
in the plot.

From an outsider's perspective, Shelly Carter was simply a dog
groomer at a local business she previously owned.

The Ohio mother of two was even described as "nice" by
relatives.

But the action she's now been arrested for wasn't so nice at
all. Cincinnati's Local 12 News reports that Carter hired a
hitman to crash into her estranged husband's car in an effort
to kill him.

Court documents reveal she conspired with her half-brother
Casey Fryman and his wife, Sarah, in the murder-for-hire case.
Carter reportedly paid the man \$500 on September 16th and told
him she would pay \$500 more when the "job was done."

According to WLWT5 News, Middletown Police found bankruptcy
and child support paperwork in Carter's home September 21st,
along with a shotgun. Carter was in the middle of a divorce
proceeding with her 44-year-old husband at the time she
planned to have him killed:

As The Daily Beast reports, her plot was thwarted when the
would-be hitman found out her two kids would be in the car at
the time of the fatal crash.

When he approached the children's mother about his concern,
she said she "didn't care" if the kids died as a result.

Christian “Tony” Carter, her husband, spoke to reporters
Saturday and was completely distraught to learn of the heinous
plan:

Relatives said Carter was desperate to keep the family house,
which might have been her motive in attempting to kill Tony.
Family friend and spokesperson Amy Wray told The Daily Beast:
"She decided she wanted the house no matter how she could get
previously made false claims of domestic violence."

According to the Journal News, Carter's bond is set for
\$750,000. She's charged with three counts of conspiracy to
commit aggravated murder.

Casey and Sarah Fryman were also charged with one count of
conspiracy to commit aggravated murder each for setting up the
meeting with the hitman. Their individual bonds are set at
\$250,000.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Pennie
RE: Need nice font
Dear Webby,
Hope you are doing well  !!!   Just hate for someone to be a
little off the weather.
I have a question for you today regarding fonts.
I would like to get a nice one for my mail and recipes, what
do you suggest ?
Something like handwriting that is easy to read.
I did check out some on the internet and there was free
Take care and lots of health.
Pennie *:)

Dear Pennie
You have to consider that the other side has to have that font
on their machine. If they don't, they will see some ugly
Courier New, or something like that.

IF they have Duchess installed, that would be a nice and
relaxed but quite elegant font, that is really easy to read.

Second best for your purpose would be Guga Handwriting.
Third would be Lucida Handwriting. It is very common, and a

You might want to field a survey amongst your fans and ask
them if they have font A, B, C, etc. installed, and let that
There is no point using a font, that nobody else has
installed.

Aside from availability, the only real concern is readability.
For example, Palace Script MT is a very beautiful font and a
favorite with wedding invitations. However, it is NOT a fast
On a wedding invitation that is OK. That should be read
slowly, giving them time to plan their dress and their
presents.

If you, for example, decide to use Duchess from Micrologic,
Without availability, the most beautiful font is nothing.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

The man walked over to the perfume counter and told
the clerk he'd like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for
his wife's birthday.

"A little surprise, eh?" smiled the clerk.

"You bet," answered the customer. "She's expecting a cruise."

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Store Sheets Inside Pillowcases

By dorothy wedenoja

This tip will save you looking for a matching bottom and top
sheet with matching pillowcases. Put folded sheets and one of
the pillowcases inside the other pillowcase.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

The cowboy walked into the tack shop.
"How much for a pair of spurs?"  he asked the sales clerk.
"Forty dollars."

The cowboy looked in his wallet, thought for a moment,
then pulled out a twenty.

"I'll take one spur."

"What'll you do with just one?" the clerk asked.

The cowboy replied, "I figger if I can get one side of the
horse movin', the other side'll go too."

funny talking animals

____________________________________________________

Thanks to Chris for these:
Substitute your own favorite conference, team, or local redneck.

Big 12 Conference Football Jokes

(1) What does the average Texas player get on his SATs?
............Drool.

(2) What do you get when you put 32 Texas Tech cheerleaders in one room?
............A full set of teeth.

(3) How do you get an Iowa State cheerleader into your dorm room?
............Grease her hips and push.

(4) How do you get a University of Oklahoma graduate letterman off your
porch?
............Pay him for the pizza.

(5) How do you know if a Nebraska football player has a girlfriend?
...........There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup

(6) Why is the Colorado football team like a possum?
............Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

(7) What are the longest three years of an University of Kansas football
player's life?
............His freshman year.

(8) How many Missouri freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
...........None. That's a sophomore course.

(9) Where was O. J. headed in the white Bronco?
...........Manhattan, Kansas. He knew that the police would never look at
KSU for a Heisman Trophy winner.

(10) Why did Oklahoma State choose orange as their team color?
............You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday,
and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week.

____________________________________________________

Number of physicians in the  US:
700,000.

Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year:
120,000 (AMA).

Accidental deaths per physician:
0.171 (U.S. Dept. of Health Human Services)

Number of gun owners in the US:
80,000,000.
Number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups):
1,500.
Accidental deaths per gun owner: 0.0000188

Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more
dangerous than gun owners.

"FACT: Not everyone has a  gun, but everyone has at
threat. We must ban doctors before this gets out of hand.

____________________________________________________

Police witness strange paranormal activity.

____________________________________________________

Today on October 4 in
1535 The first complete English translation of the Bible was
printed in Zurich, Switzerland.

1648 The first volunteer fire department was established in
New York by Peter Stuyvesant.

1777 At Germantown, PA, Patriot forces and British forces both
suffer heavy losses in battle. The battle was seen as British
victory, which actually served as a moral boost to the
Americans.

1876 The Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas formally
dedicated by Texas Gov. Richard Coke. It was the state's
first
venture into public higher education. The college opened for
classed two days earlier.

1881 Edward Leveaux received a patent for the player piano.

1909 The first airship race in the U.S. took place in St.
Louis, MO.

1915 The Dinosaur National Monument was established. The area
covered part of Utah and Colorado.

1927 The first actual work of carving began on Mount Rushmore.

1940 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini met in the Alps at
Brenner Pass. Hitler was seeking help from Italy to fight the
British.

1957 The Soviet Union launched Sputnik I into orbit around the
Earth. Sputnik was the first manmade satellite to enter
space.
Sputnik I fell out of orbit on January 4, 1958.

1958 British Overseas Airways Corporation became the first
jetliner to offer trans-Atlantic service to passengers with
flights between London, England and New York.

1990 The German parliament had its first meeting since
reunification.

1992 The 16-year civil war in Mozambique ended.

1993 Russian Vice-President Alexander Rutskoi and Chairman
Ruslan Khasbulatov surrendered to Boris Yeltsin after a ten-
hour tank assault on the Russian White House. The two men had
barricaded themselves in after Yeltsin called for general
elections and dissolved the legislative body.

1993 Dozens of Somalis dragged an American soldier through the
streets of Mogadishu. A videotape showed Michael Durant being
taken prisoner by Somali militants.

1994 South African President Nelson Mandela was welcomed to
the White House by U.S. President Clinton.

1997 Hundreds of thousands of men attended a Promise Keepers
rally on the Mall in Washington, DC.

airfields and seaports and agreed to deploy ships and early-
warning radar planes in the war on terrorism.

2001 In Washington, DC, Reagan National Airport re-opened. The
airport had been closed since the terrorist attacks on the
United States on September 11, 2001.

2004 SpaceShip One reached an altitude of 368,000 feet. It was
the first privately built, manned rocket ship to fly in space
twice within a two week window. The ship won the Ansari X
Prize of \$10 million dollars for their success.

2016  smiled.

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Tripod substitute
Monday, October 3, 2016, 08:54 AMPosted by Administrator

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Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, October 3

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Georgia pastor charged with rape and aggravated
child molestation of 10-year-old girl at shelter
______________________________________________________
Today, October 3, in
1893 The motor-driven vacuum cleaner was patented by
J.S. Thurman.
See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
The saying "Getting there is half the fun" became
obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines.
--- Henry J. Tillman

"There are more important things in life than money
- but they won't go out with you if you're broke."
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Helen and Amanda were discussing their busy schedules.
Helen said, "Amanda, I must ask you something. Every day I
feel incredibly run down and tired. And yet, I see you looking
as fresh as a rose. I have to know: what's your secret?"

"My secret? Every morning, without fail, I wake up at six
o'clock sharp."

"You wake up at six o'clock?"

"Yes, and then I look at the clock, see what time it is, and
go back to sleep for another four hours."

______________________________________________________
2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP \$29.99

______________________________________________________

A man walked into a beer joint near Waco and  ordered a beer.
Just then former President Clinton appeared on the
television.
After a few sips, the stranger looked up at the television and

mumbled,  "Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever
seen."

A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked
over to
him, and decked him.

A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer,
Hillary Clinton appeared on the television.
"She's a horse's ass, too,"  he muttered.

This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly
stood up,
walked over to him and knocked him flat.

The man said, climbing back up to the bar,
"This must be Clinton country!"

"Nope,"  says the bartender,  "horse country."

______________________________________________________

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

has been earned by

Danny Wells,
Smyrna,
Cobb County,
Georgia

Georgia pastor charged with rape and aggravated
child molestation of 10-year-old girl at shelter

Police arrested Wells Thursday afternoon. An investigation,
which began in Alabama, led police to Wells after a 10-year-
old girl told police that Wells had sexually abused her.

“The Garden's been open for 10 years, so there is a concern
McCreary.

The young girl was apparently staying at the Garden Recovery
Center with her mother earlier this year for recovery
services. Police said there was a delay in reporting the crime
because the girl and her mother had moved out of state.

“The child did make statements to the Alabama police
department during an interview that concerned them. They
contacted our Cobb County Crime Department,” said the
lieutenant.

While police in Cobb County expect more of Wells’ victims to
come forward, the victim told detectives in Dothan, Alabama,
that the pastor attacked her in a recovery center in Smyrna,
Georgia, about 30 miles away from where he founded 7 Bridges
to Recovery ministry. "The investigation into this incident is
ongoing and there may be additional victims," police said.

The investigation is ongoing and Cobb County Police said there
contact the Cobb County Police Department's Crimes Against
Children's Unit.

According to the 990 tax form of 7 Bridges, Wells was the CEO.
The form, filed May 3, says the church recieved \$602,966 in
contributions and grants this year and \$498,731 last year.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Manny
RE: Tripod substitute
Dear Webby,
You ranked a purse full of sand higher than a store
bought tripod. Why is that?
Manny

Dear Manny
Get a fishing rod and try turning a light switch on or off.
Did you notice how the tip wavered around due to the slightest
Now imagine that fishing rod to be a mile long, or even just a
quarter mile, and how far the slightest jitter will move the
tip.

You can even clamp your fishing rod onto a storebought tripod,
and see how much the tip jitters around. Look along the
fishing rod, using the tip as a gun sight, to a point a
quarter mile away. Would you be able to keep your "gun sight"
on a moose?

Most tripods amplify tiny ground vibrations.
An old, soft leather purse filled with sand does the opposite.
It dampens vibrations.

If you can't find a soft, old leather purse at a second hand
store, get an old suede or similar kids or ladie's jacket. Cut
off a sleeve to about 6 inches long, turn it inside out and
glue one end shut. Rip out any smooth lining.
Turn it right side out, fill it with dry sand, but not too
tightly, and glue the open end shut.
Now you have a nice little pillow. Old leather or suede does
not slip off a car or fence post. Now you can nestle the
camera on that pillow. It will sit steady, and the ground
vibrations will be dampened.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Ralph was an Air Force colonel. He routinely flew on different
aircraft to familiarize himself with their capabilities. One
day he was aboard an intelligence aircraft where each crew
member was surrounded by complex gear.

A young major showed him his computer screen.
"That's a chat screen, Sir," the soldier said.  "We use it to
relay enemy information to the crew--like instant messaging."

Nodding, he moved down the line.  Flashing on an airman's
coming your way! Close the porn!"

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use a Bathroom Rug to Move Furniture

By Teri [1 Post, 1 Comment]

Recently I needed to switch furniture in two rooms in my
house. I have beautiful hardwood floors that are 57 years old
and was afraid of scratching them. The furniture I needed to
move (by myself) was heavy, big pieces and cumbersome. I
thought about getting some of those mover thingies you put
under the legs to move things but I didn't trust them to not
scratch the floors.

On the day I started moving the small stuff, I was doing
laundry. My bathroom rugs (non-skid back, fluffy top) were
sitting on the floor by the washer and I had a light bulb
moment! I took the rugs into one room and turned them upside
down. I put a small table on top and slide the table into the
next room. NO marks on the floor! I have a 5' sideboard which
is super heavy and I managed to move that on top of a rug BY
MYSELF!

So next time you need to move some furniture over hardwood
floors just grab a bathroom rug!

By Teri from Long Beach, CA

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

A teacher caught a student in the hall during class time and
said, "Jill, tell me, whose class you're cutting this time?"

The young teen said, "Like, uh, see, okay, like it's like, I
really don't like, think like, that's really important,
y'know, like because I'm, y'know, like I don't get anything
out of it."

The teacher smiled and said, "It's your English class, isn't
it?"

Guilty dog

____________________________________________________

In a fancy restaurant in Columbia, a Yuppie started to choke
on a bone. A man rushed over, reassured the Yuppie that he
was going to be all right and identified himself as a doctor.
He performed the Heimlich Maneuver. The bone popped out.

As the man's breath & voice returned he said,
"I'm ever so grateful doctor, how can I ever repay you?"

The doctor smiled and said, "I'll settle for one-tenth of what
you were willing to pay while you were choking."

____________________________________________________

Bob was telling his friend Joe about his vacation in France.
Bob talked about how lovely the Eiffel Tower was, the
exquisite works of art at the Louvre, the Notre Dame, and of
course, the easy French women.

France?"

"Well," Bob replies, "there was one thing that was strange
about it. In France, anything you eat, anything you drink,
even the air that you breathe over there cleans out your
colon. I mean, it REALLY cleans your colon out."

So Joe says,
"Gee, with France like that, who needs enemas?"

____________________________________________________

____________________________________________________

Today on October 3 in
1863 U.S. President Lincoln declared that the last Thursday of
November would be recognized as Thanksgiving Day.

1888 "The Yeomen of the Guard" was performed for the first
time. It was the first of 423 shows.

1893 The motor-driven vacuum cleaner was patented by J.S.
Thurman.

1901 The Victor Talking Machine Company was incorporated.
After a merger with Radio Corporation of America the company
became RCA-Victor.

1906 W.T. Grant opened a 25-cent department store.

1922 Rebecca L. Felton became the first female to hold office
of U.S. Senator. She was appointed by Governor Thomas W.
Hardwick of Georgia to fill a vacancy.

1929 The Kingdom of Serbs, Croats and Slovenes officially
changed its name to the Kingdom of Yugoslavia.

Britain to terminate their mandate over the nation. Britain
had ruled Iraq since taking it from Turkey during World War I.

1935 Italian forces invaded Abyssinia (now Ethiopia).

1941 Adolf Hitler stated in a speech that Russia was "broken"
and they "would never rise again." With the help of the USA,
they did.

1942 The Office of Economic Stabilization was established by
U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt. He also authorized
controls on rents, wages, salaries and farm prices.

1944 During World War II, U.S. troops broke through the
Siegfried Line.

1951 CBS-TV aired the first coast-to-coast telecast of a
prizefight. Dave Sands defeated Carl Olson at Soldier Field in
Chicago.

1952 Britain became the third nuclear power in the world when
they successfully detonated their first atomic bomb. The U.S.
and Russia were the only other nuclear powers.

1962 The Sigma VII blasted off from Cape Canaveral for a nine-
hour flight.

1962 The play, "Stop the World, I Want to Get Off!" opened on

1981 Irish Nationalists in Maze Prison in Belfast, Northern
Ireland called off their hunger strike. The strike had lasted
7 months and ten people had died.

1988 The space shuttle Discovery landed safely after its four-
day mission. It was the first American shuttle mission since
the Challenger disaster.

1989 East Germany suspended unrestricted travel to
Czechoslovakia in an effort to slow the flow of refugees to
the West.

1990 The Berlin Wall was dismantled eleven months after the
borders between East and West Germany were dissolved. The
unification of Germany ended 45 years of division.

since his country had seized control of the oil-rich nation.

1994 The headquarters of the Haitian pro-army militia was
raided by U.S. soldiers.

2003 Ray Horn, of the duo "Siegfried & Roy," was attacked by
tiger during a performance. Roy survived the attack after
being dragged offstage. The tiger, a 7-year-old male named
Montecore, was debuting in his first show.

2006 North Korea announced that it would conduct a nuclear
test as a key step in the manufacture of atomic bombs that it
viewed as a deterrent against a U.S. attack. A date for the
test was not announced.

2016  smiled.

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Digital Zoom
Sunday, October 2, 2016, 09:12 AMPosted by Administrator

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}
}-->

<!--
//-->

Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, October 2

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Florida woman tries to use cab for getaway after
armed robbery
______________________________________________________
Today, October 2, in
1780 British army major John Andre was hanged as a spy. He
was carrying information about the actions of Benedict
Arnold.
See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
When they call the roll in the Senate,
the Senators do not know whether to
--- Theodore Roosevelt
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour
of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his
ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp
commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and soon,
the ship had left port and was streaming out of the channel.

The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the
deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for
getting a destroyer under way.

The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all
surprised when another seaman approached him with a
message from the captain. He was, however, a bit surprised
to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more
"My personal congratulations upon completing your underway
preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing
speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of
the unwritten rules -- make sure the captain is aboard before
getting under way to avoid getting court-marshalled for
stealing a ship."

______________________________________________________
2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP \$29.99

______________________________________________________

A new employee is invited to the boss's house for dinner,
just as a way of welcoming him into the company.  After they
had eaten a large meal, the new employee leans sideways on
his chair and lets rip an almighty fart.

The boss, with a look of disgust, turns to the man and says,
"How dare you fart in front of my wife?!"

The man replies, "Oh, I'm sorry -- I didn't realize it was
her turn!"

______________________________________________________

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

has been earned by

Keshunte Taylor,
20,
Gainesville,
Florida

Florida woman tries to use cab for getaway after
armed robbery

An alleged robber in Gainesville, Florida, managed to
successfully get away from an Arby's restaurant, only to be
foiled in part by her choice of getaway vehicle: a taxi cab.
The Gainesville Sun reports that 20-year-old Keshunte Taylor
is in custody after police say she robbed the restaurant at
gunpoint, then made the unusual choice of hopping in a cab.
That didn't make it hard for police to spot the vehicle, and
it was stopped less than two blocks away—still in the same
shopping plaza. Taylor was in the back seat with \$219 of the
restaurant's money, say police.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Herber
RE: Digital Zoom
Dear Webby,
I am not at all impressed with the Digital zoom on my camera.
How high is it safe to go with it?
Herber

Dear Herber
Don't use the digital zoom at all. It's just idiot bait that
sales people use to catch people who don't have a clue about
digital cameras.

All the digital zoom does is increase the size of the pixels.

That makes it appear almost like a zoom or an enlargement
in your paint program, except it makes everything coarse
and jaggy. Leave the digital zoom set at 0 or 1, get a sharp
picture, and enlarge that, if necessary, in your paint
program.

With the real glass zoom, clarity and sharpness depend
MORE on how steady the camera is than on the price of
the optics.

For the absolute steadiest base of a camera, use an old,
soft leather purse filled with sand. Lay that onto anything
solid and nestle the camera on it.

Second best is a well soaked wooden surveyor's tripod.

Third best is a twenty-pound or better movie camera tripod.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a
number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was
able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that
allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and
be really pleased that you can hear again."

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I
just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed
my will three times!"

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

By Ana I. [24 Posts, 19 Comments]

My flowers that I purchased in white hanging baskets were at
the end of their season. Now I have these hanging baskets
that need a new use and upgrade. With Halloween/fall
approaching, this is an upgrade for all those left over pots.

Total Time: Up to 2 hours
Yield: 2 or more

Supplies:
hanging pots
spray paint
scissors
flowers
moss
Dollar store figures (optional)

Steps:
Take your pots and clean them very well.
Spray paint and let dry.
Take your adhesive paper and cut out a face shapes for your
pumpkin pot.
Apply pieces.

Now it's time for filling and decorating.
You can fill these baskets for Trick or Treat, to hold
outdoor lighting, flowers, etc.

Instead of expensive spray paint you can use cheap brick
color porch and floor paint. For the eyes and mouth you can
use reflective tape like you use on gate posts and trailers.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

An American entered a pub in Ireland and
ordered a Coors light.  The Alemaster replied,
"Faith,lad, we don't serve American beer here."
"Well, give the closest you got to it."
So they drew him a glass of water.

--------------
I wonder what they would have served a Mexican !

____________________________________________________

A girl said to the salesman, "I'm not sure if I should buy
a sweatshirt or a windbreaker."

He replied, "Well, that depends. Are you going sweat, or are
you gonna break wind?"

____________________________________________________

Schwartz successfully defended a major crime lord from
charges of dealing drugs, racketeering, murder, kidnapping,
and selling arms.

As he is leaving the courtroom, an indignant old woman
grabs him by the arm. "Young man, where are your
Christian scruples? I believe you would defend Satan
himself!"

"I don't know," Schwartz replied. It would not so much depend
on what your kid has done, but whether you can pay my fees."

____________________________________________________

There Are a couple of creatures hiding  in this tree branch. Can you spot them?

____________________________________________________

Today on October 2 in
1492 King Henry VII of England invaded France.

1780 British army major John Andre was hanged as a spy. He
was carrying information about the actions of Benedict
Arnold.

1835 The first battle of the Texas Revolution took place near
the Guadalupe River when American settlers defeated a Mexican
cavalry unit.

1836 Charles Darwin returned to England after 5 years of
acquiring knowledge around the world about fauna, flora,
wildlife and geology. He used the information to develop his
"theory of evolution" which he unveiled in his 1859 book
entitled The Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection.

1870 Rome was made the capital of Italy.

1876 The Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas opened.
It was the state's first venture into public higher
education. The school was formally dedicated 2 days later by
Texas Gov. Richard Coke.

1889 The first international Conference of American States
began in Washington, DC.

1919 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson suffered a stroke that
left him partially paralyzed.

1924 The Geneva Protocol adopted the League of Nations.

1925 Scottish inventor John Logie Baird completed the first
transmission of moving images.

1937 Warner Bros. released "Love Is on the Air." Ronald
Reagan made his acting debut in the motion picture. He was 26
years old.

1941 Operation Typhoon was launched by Nazi Germany. The plan
was an all-out offensive against Moscow.

1944 The Nazis crushed the Warsaw Uprising by Jews.

1947 The Federatino Internationale de l'Automobile (FIA)
formally established Formula One racing in Grand Prix
competition.

1948 The first automobile race to use asphalt, cement and
dirt roads took place in Watkins Glen in New York. It was the
first road race in the U.S. following World War II.

1958 Guinea, the French colony in West Africa, proclaimed its
independence. Sekou Toure was the first president of the
Republic of Guinea.

1962 U.S. ports were closed to nations that allowed their
ships to carry arms to Cuba, ships that had docked in a
socialist country were prohibited from docking in the United
States during that voyage, and the transport of U.S. goods
was banned on ships owned by companies that traded with Cuba.
The action against Cuba was because Cuba had nationalized
all United Fruit and other plantations, sugar refineries and
rum distilleries.

1967 Thurgood Marshall was sworn in. He was the first
African-American member of the U.S. Supreme Court.

1988 Pakistan's Supreme Court ordered free elections.

1989 In Leipzig, East Germany a protest took place demanding
the legalization of opposition groups and the adoption of
democratic reforms.

1990 The Allies ceded their rights to areas they occupied in
Germany and started paying rent for their garrisons.

1993 Opponents of Russian President Boris Yeltsin fought
police and set up burning barricades.

1998 Hawaii sued petroleum companies, claiming state drivers
were overcharged by about \$73 million a year in price-fixing.

1998 About 10,000 Turkish soldiers crossed into northern Iraq
and attacked Kurdish rebels.

2001 NATO, for the first time, invoked a treaty clause that
stated that an attack on one member is an attack on all
members. The act was in response to the September 11, 2001,
terrorist attacks in the United States.

2016  smiled.

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More neat DOS commands
Saturday, October 1, 2016, 12:04 PMPosted by Administrator

var gaJsHost = (("https:" == document.location.protocol) ? "https://ssl." : "http://www.");
document.write(unescape("%3Cscript src='" + gaJsHost + "google-analytics.com/ga.js' type='text/javascript'%3E%3C/script%3E"));

try {
var pageTracker = _gat._getTracker("UA-6672100-1");
pageTracker._trackPageview();
} catch(err) {}

<!--
font {  font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;}
a:link {  color: #0000CC; background-color: #FFFF99; text-decoration: underline;}
a:visited {  color: #6600FF; background-color: #FFFF99; text-decoration: underline;}
a:hover {  background-color: #FFFF00; text-decoration: underline;}
td {  font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif}
th {  font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif}
h2 {  font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large}
body {
scrollbar-base-color:cyan;
scrollbar-face-color:#FFD40C;
scrollbar-track-color:#E79525;
scrollbar-arrow-color:red;
scrollbar-3dlight-color:#FFFFC2;
scrollbar-highlight-color:yellow;
font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;
font-size: x-small;
}
.divw {
font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;
font-size: small;
color: #0000FF;
background-color: #FFFFFF;
}
.diva {
font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;
font-size: small;
color: navy;
background-color: #D2FFE9;
}
.divch {
font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;
font-size: small;
color: C77000;
background-color: #FFF4E6;
}
.divch2 {
font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;
font-size: small;
fond-weight:bold;
color: #000000;
background-color: #E79525;
}
.divb1 {
font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;
font-size: small;
font weight: bold;
color: #0000FF;
background-color: #D9F1FF;
}
.divb2 {
font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;
font-size: small;
color: #CCFDEE;
background-color: #216326;
}
.divy1 {
font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;
font-size: small;
font-weight: bold;
color: red;
background-color: #FFFFCC;
}
.divy2 {
font-family: Comic Sans MS;
font-size: small;
font-weight: bold;
color: red;
background-color: #FFFFBB;
}
}-->

<!--
//-->

Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, October 1

Have FUN!
DearWebby

NY Bank Robber Busted in 'Coincidence' after 13 years
______________________________________________________
Today, October 1, in
1800 Spain ceded the territory of Louisiana back to France.
Later the property would be purchased by the U.S. effectively
doubling its size.
See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds.
--- Malaclypse the Younger

Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity.
--- Frank Leahy
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Heather and Marcy hadn't seen each other in awhile, so they
decided to meet for lunch.Â

The talk naturally got around to their respective love
lives.Â  Marcy confided that there really wasn't anyone
special in her life.Â  Heather, on the other hand, was

"He's perfect.Â  He's handsome, and last night when we went
out to dinner, he said the four little words I've been
waiting to hear a man say to me!"

"He said 'will you marry me'?" Marcy asked.Â

Heather replied, "No, he said 'I will pay tonight'."

______________________________________________________
2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP \$29.99

______________________________________________________

You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to
fart.

The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the
beat. After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as

As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you
down, and that's when you remember: you've been listening to

______________________________________________________

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor

has been earned by

Richard Leon,

Webster,
NY

Bank Robber Busted in 'Coincidence' after 13 years

An envelope gave the FBI the DNA sample it needed—13 years
after the fact

A man charged in a fatal bank robbery 13 years ago was
captured with the help of a tipster and DNA secretly
collected from an envelope when he coincidentally filed a
fraud complaint. Authorities say Richard Leon Wilbern was
arrested Tuesday when he went to meet with FBI agents in
Rochester for what he thought was a meeting about his
when a former co-worker named him as a suspect in the August
2003 robbery of a credit union on the Xerox Corp.'s campus in
Webster, NY, where he once worked, the AP reports.

A bank customer was fatally shot in the neck and another
customer was wounded when a man wearing an FBI jacket opened
fire after telling an employee he was there for a security
assessment. The robber escaped with more than \$10,000. In
what the FBI called "an incredible coincidence,"
investigators were looking into the tip when Wilbern called
the FBI to report a suspected real estate scam. When agents
met with Wilbern, who had served time for a 1980 bank
robbery, they had him sign paperwork and lick an envelope,
from which they obtained a DNA sample. They matched that
sample to one taken from an umbrella left behind at the bank
robbery 13 years earlier.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Harmony
RE: More neat commands!
Dear Webby,
Those commands were a real treat!
I love that back-up bat. One click, and it does it.
And instead of buying a big, bloated program, all I did was
copy a few lines from the Humor Letter, changed the folder
names, and saved it. Why pay \$49 when a few lines of code
will do the ame, and probably faster.

Now I need some more ammo.
How do I get a complete listing of all files on a drive or
chip, including what is in the subdirectories, but sent to a
file, since it would be too much to read on the screen.

I then want to edit that file, delete the names of all good
files and just leave the names of files, that need to be
deleted off the drive.

Thanks!
Harmony

Dear Harmony
To put all the names of the files on that drive or chip into
a text file, use this command:
let's assume the name of that drive is H:

dir H: /s /b > c:\file-list.txt

That includes the full path, for example:
H:\pix\Canon\2014\June\Mom-and-dog.jpg

That is what you need to delete files with a bat, the full
path.

for /f %%a in c:\file-list.txt do del %%a

That deletes all the files mentioned in c:\file-list.txt,
but does not touch any other ones.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Several women were visiting an elderly friend who was ill.
After awhile, they rose to leave and told her; "We will keep
you in our prayers."

"Just wash the dishes in the kitchen," the ailing woman said,
"I can do my own praying."

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Using Less Toilet Tissue

By ShirleyE [103 Posts, 64 Comments]

Here are 2 tricks to encourage other members of your
household to use less toilet tissue.
People tend to pull less off the roll if you have the paper
rolling off from the top.

By flattening the roll of paper slightly it will not roll so
easily which makes it more difficult to pull off too much.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

A Baptist preacher and his wife decided they needed a dog.
Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must
also be Baptist.

They visited an expensive kennel and explained their needs
to the manager, who assured them he had just the dog for
them. The dog was produced and the manager said, "Fetch
the Bible."

The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books,
located the Bible, and brought it to the manager. The manager
then said "Find Psalms 23". The dog, showing marvelous
dexterity with his paws, leafed thru the Bible, found the
correct passage, and pointed to it with his paw. Duly
impressed, the couple purchased the dog.

That evening a group of parishioners came to visit. The
preacher and his wife began to show off the dog, having him
locate several Bible verses. The visitors were amazed.
Finally, one man asked, "Can he do normal dog tricks too?"

"Let's see" said the preacher. Pointing his finger at the
dog, he commanded "Heel!" The dog immediately jumped up on a
chair, placed one paw on the preacher's forehead and began to
howl.

The preacher turned to his wife and exclaimed "Good grief,
we've bought a Pentecostal dog!"

Don't steal the Trump sign!

____________________________________________________

Dilbert's Words of Wisdom
(all of these phrases have existed long before Dilbert
collected them)

1.) I can please only one person per day. Today is not your
day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

2.) I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound
they make as they go flying by.

3.) Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

4.) I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

5.) Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a
parked car.

6.) There are very few personal problems that cannot be
solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

7.) Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along
without it.

8.) Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days
you're the statue.

9.) Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't
there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be
needing him again.

10.) I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception
problem.

11.) Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the
sky and I thought to myself, "Where the hell is the
ceiling?!"

12.) My Reality Check bounced.

13.) On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the
escape key.

14.) I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.

15.) You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through
peanut butter.

16.) Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, 'cuz, like to
them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

17.) Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

18.) Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their
level then beat you with experience.

____________________________________________________

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I
told her Not as much as the dress that she had worn
yesterday.
And then the fight started.

____________________________________________________

What an artist with fruits and vegetables!

____________________________________________________

Today on October 1 in

1569 The Duke of Norfolk was imprisoned by Britain's Queen
Elizabeth for trying to marry Mary the Queen of Scots.

1800 Spain ceded the territory of Louisiana back to France.
Later the property would be purchased by the U.S. effectively
doubling its size.

1880 Thomas Edison began the commercial production of
electric lamps at Edison Lamp Works in Menlo Park.

1885 Special delivery mail service began in the United
States. The first routes were in West Virginia.

1890 The U.S. Congress passed the McKinley Tariff Act. The
act raised tariffs to a record level.

1896 Rural Free Delivery was established by the U.S. Post
Office.

1903 The first modern World Series took place between the
Boston Pilgrims and the Pittsburgh Pirates.

1908 The Model T automobile was introduced by Henry Ford. The
purchase price of the car was \$850.

1918 Damascus was captured from the Turks during World War I
by a force made up of British and Arab forces.

1936 General Francisco Franco was proclaimed the head of the
Spanish state.

1938 German forces enter Czechoslovakia and regained control
of the Sudetenland. The Munich Pact had been signed two days
before.

1940 The Pennsylvania Turnpike opened as the first toll
superhighway in the United States.

1943 Naples was captured by the Allied forces during World
War II.

1946 The International War Crimes Tribunal in Nuremberg
sentenced 12 Nazi officials to death. Seven others were
sentenced to prison terms and 3 were acquitted.

1949 Mao Tse-tung raised the first flag of the People's
Republic of China when the communist forces had defeated the
Nationalists. The Nationalist forces fled to Taiwan.

1962 Johnny Carson began hosting the "Tonight" show on NBC-
TV. He stayed with the show for 29 years. Jack Paar was the
previous host.

1964 The Free Speech Movement was started at the University
of California at Berkeley.

1968 "Night of the Living Dead" premiered in Pittsburgh, PA.

1972 The Chinese government approved friendly relations with
the United States.

1979 The United States handed control of the Canal Zone over
to Panama.

1982 EPCOT (Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow)
Center opened in Florida. The concept was planned by Walt
Disney.

1985 The PLO's headquarters in Tunisia was raided by Israeli
jet fighters.

1988 Mikhail Gorbachev assumed the Soviet presidency.

1989 The authorized Charles Schulz biography, Good Grief, was
published.

1989 7,000 East Germans were welcomed into West Germany after
they were allowed to leave by the communist government.

1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush addressed the U.N.
General Assembly and once again condemned Iraq's takeover of
Kuwait.

1990 In Croatia, minority Serbs proclaimed autonomy.

1991 U.S. President Bush condemned the military coup in Haiti
that removed President Jean-Bertrand Aristide from power.
U.S. economic and military aid was suspended.

1991 The U.S. trust territory of Palau became independent.

1992 The Strategic Arm Reduction Treaty was approved by the
U.S. Senate.

1994 The U.S. and Japan avoided a trade war by reaching a

1994 The National Hockey League (NHL) team owners began a
lockout of the players that lasted 103 days.

1995 Sheik Omar Abdel-Rahman and nine other defendants were
convicted in New York of conspiring to attack the U.S.
through bombings, kidnappings and assassinations.

1996 Lucent Technologies became an independent company.

1998 The U.S. government posted a \$2.2 million reward for the
capture of Augustin Vasquez Mendoza. He is accused of
killing
an undercover U.S. agent during a drug purchase in 1994.

1999 The 50th anniversary of the founding of the Peoples
Republic of China was celebrated in Beijing.

2001 San Francisco's Board of Supervisors voted unanimously
to ban Internet filters designed to keep pornography away
from children at city libraries. The board left the decision
up to the Library Commission to decide whether to install
filtering software in children's areas. A federal law in the
U.S. mandated the use of the filters.

2009 In the United Arab Emirates, the exterior construction
of the Burj Khalifa skyscraper was completed.

2016  smiled.

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How to FORCE a copy
Friday, September 30, 2016, 09:52 AMPosted by Administrator

var gaJsHost = (("https:" == document.location.protocol) ? "https://ssl." : "http://www.");
document.write(unescape("%3Cscript src='" + gaJsHost + "google-analytics.com/ga.js' type='text/javascript'%3E%3C/script%3E"));

try {
var pageTracker = _gat._getTracker("UA-6672100-1");
pageTracker._trackPageview();
} catch(err) {}

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font {  font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;}
a:link {  color: #0000CC; background-color: #FFFF99; text-decoration: underline;}
a:visited {  color: #6600FF; background-color: #FFFF99; text-decoration: underline;}
a:hover {  background-color: #FFFF00; text-decoration: underline;}
td {  font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif}
th {  font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif}
h2 {  font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large}
body {
scrollbar-base-color:cyan;
scrollbar-face-color:#FFD40C;
scrollbar-track-color:#E79525;
scrollbar-arrow-color:red;
scrollbar-3dlight-color:#FFFFC2;
scrollbar-highlight-color:yellow;
font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;
font-size: x-small;
}
.divw {
font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;
font-size: small;
color: #0000FF;
background-color: #FFFFFF;
}
.diva {
font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;
font-size: small;
color: navy;
background-color: #D2FFE9;
}
.divch {
font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;
font-size: small;
color: C77000;
background-color: #FFF4E6;
}
.divch2 {
font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;
font-size: small;
fond-weight:bold;
color: #000000;
background-color: #E79525;
}
.divb1 {
font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;
font-size: small;
font weight: bold;
color: #0000FF;
background-color: #D9F1FF;
}
.divb2 {
font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;
font-size: small;
color: #CCFDEE;
background-color: #216326;
}
.divy1 {
font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;
font-size: small;
font-weight: bold;
color: red;
background-color: #FFFFCC;
}
.divy2 {
font-family: Comic Sans MS;
font-size: small;
font-weight: bold;
color: red;
background-color: #FFFFBB;
}
}-->

<!--
//-->

Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, Sept 30
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

83 Year-Old White Woman Beaten & Set on Fire By Black Gang
______________________________________________________
Today, September 29, in

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Money Isn't Everything,
But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch
--- Plato

Those whom the Gods would destroy, they first call promising.
--- Cyril Connolly (1903 - 1974)

--- My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine
is based on a dare.
--- Mike Myers
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________
President Calvin Coolidge, 30th U.S. president (1923 to 1929)
was a man of very few words. One Sunday he went to church,
but his wife, Grace, stayed home. When he returned, she
"Was the sermon good?"

"Sin."

"And what did the minister say?"

"He's against it."

______________________________________________________
2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP \$29.99

______________________________________________________

"Ode to the Spell Checker!"
Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

______________________________________________________

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor

has been earned by

Cortavious Deshaun Heard, age 18,
Mina Christine Ellery, age 17 and
Angel Latrice Harmon age 17
Sanquavious Cameron, age 17
Atlanta,
Georgia

83 Year-Old White Woman Beaten & Set on Fire By Black Gang

The Black Lies & Murder movement is quick to cry foul
whenever black people appear to be stereotyped. But what
about situations when all the facts point to activity that
occurs against whites? That was the case in Atlanta, Georgia,
when a black gang entered the home of an 83-year-old white
woman.

That woman, Dorothy Dow, was sleeping in bed when a gang of
four black men and women entered her home, beat her and then
set her on fire. Dow passed away in the hospital from
complications from the attack. Her attackers are now being
charged with murder.

Justin Grady, age 38, Cortavious Deshaun Heard, age 18, Mina
Christine Ellery, age 17 and Angel Latrice Harmon age 17 are
all being held without bond on charges of "felony murder and
malice murder."

The group entered Dow's home and pulled her from her bed
where she was sleeping. One of the gang hit her repeatedly
with a pistol, breaking the bones in her hand and her arm.
Then they ransacked her home and took anything of any value.

They left her, broken and bleeding. Then the girls wend back
there and got her purse and credit cards, which they used.
That helped getting them caught.

In the meantime, one of the males got some flammable liquid,
went back into the house and poured it over the severely
injured great-gramma on the floor and set her on fire.

She survived burning to death only because she pulled herself
to a place where she knew she had kept a gallon jug of
water.
There she was able to pour the water on herself and put out
the fire. Then, with a broken arm, she crawled to her
cellphone and dialed 911.

The local news station gives no reason other than robbery
about why the attack occurred, but as we well know, had the
races been reversed, the entire country would be burning from
the Black Lies & Murder protests.

One of the suspects had apparently been picking blueberries
for the great-gramma for pay, and even been invited in for
supper a few times. Apparently he thought she had some money
in the house.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Trudy
RE: How do I force a copy?
Dear Webby,
When I try copying my mail directory over to the removable,
external USB drive, the Windows Explorer keeps tripping
up on all kinds of silly things, and of course each time
aborts the copying. This is driving me absolutely nuts! Is
there a way to force it from the DOS command line?
Trudy

Dear Trudy
That problem goes back a lot further than Windows and is
a bug in the Microsoftcopy command. Somebody forgot to put in
a way to recover from an error, just list it and get on with
the job. Incidentally, that is one of the major reasons DOS
or Windows never got mission critical certification.

Luckily around the time of DOS 2 somebody ported the UNIX
xcopy command and Microsoft later adopted it very quietly.
Even though it works well, to this day there are very few
people that seem to know and use it.

As is common with UNIX commands, xcopy has about two
dozen "switches" to make it do exactly what you want.

If you want to see and print all of the options, go to the
command line
START
RUN
cmd
then type
xcopy /?

To copy a directory (folder) and it's subdirectories without
stopping for machine specific config files, which you don't
want to copy or overwrite anyway,
and copy only those files which are newer on the source
than the destination,
copy hidden and system files,
not show the list of files as they scroll down the screen,
and YES, dangit, copy the stuff without any silly prompts,

then use these switches:

xcopy /S /D /E /C /H /R /K /Y /Z source destination

for example, if you wsant to copy the entire Eudora folder
lists, and the destination is the USB drive, which you named
as drive H:

xcopy /S /D /E /C /H /R /K /Y /Z c:\Eudora\*.* H:\Eudora

Like all DOS commands, xcopy works fine in bats.
You can put that line into a batchfile and make a desktop
shortcut to it.

A batch file is simply a clean text file that you create with
text! No formatting or colors or fonts. JUST clean text.
And the extension has to be .bat
The reason they are called Bat.files is bat is 3 letters as
the original designation for extensions, like txt, jpg, gif,
etc. BAT are the firsst 3 letters of BATCH.
You can put different commands, each on a separate line, and
have a whole batch of commands inside that bat(ch) file.
You could, with the same click also copy your Photos folder

@echo off
xcopy /S /D /E /C /H /R /K /Y /Z c:\Eudora\*.* H:\Eudora
xcopy /S /D /E /C /H /R /K /Y /Z c:\Photos\*.* H:\Photos
xcopy /S /D /E /C /H /R /K /Y /Z c:\Docs\*.* H:\Docs
date /t >> c:\Backplog.txt
time /t >> c:\Backplog.txt
echo ------------ >> c:\Backplog.txt
echo Done
pause

save that as c:\back.bat and make a desktop shortcut to it.

What that does:
It turns the echo off so that the commands are not echoed to
the screen.
Then it backs up the mail, photos and docs,
puts the date and the time and a line into the
Backplog.txt in the C: drive root directory, where it
is easy to find.
Then it writes Done onto the screen,
and pauses, waiting for you to hit any key.

That way you simply click on that shortcut icon and it
wheelbarrows all the new or changed files in your mail
directory AND it's subdirectories over to the machine with
the CD burner, without any fuss whatsoever.

You can also make a bat to show the backup log:

type c:\Backplog.txt

save that as showlog.bat
and make a desktop icon for it.

type means type it to the screen, with DOS being the typist.

You can mess with that and leave off the Pause, which asks
for hitting any key.
Or you can have fun with it.
For example, when I was writing the weigh station programs in
the Yukon in the 80s, I used a similar back-up bat.
At the end of it I put:
echo Done
pause
echo Not THAT key!
pause
echo That's better

There were some complaints, of course, but most operators
took it with good humor.

If you write those simple bat files and make shortcut icons
to them, then you can just click on the back.bat icon and it
does all your back-up to the external drive.
No fuss, no muss.

The showlog.bat shows you if the backup has been done. That
is quite important if you have to rely on employees or
relatives.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

A patient, while recovering in the hospital from a heart
attack, was visited by this over-zealous evangelist.

After listening politely for over a half-hour on how
thankful he should be to have been spared, and how he
should repent at once, he was asked if all of his sins had
flashed before his eyes during the heart attack.

The patient responded, with a deliberately slurry and sleepy
voice: "Don't be silly, the attack lasted only 6 hours! I
just got to where I had duck-taped that preacher's mouth and
set his pants on fire, when the heart attack ended."

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Remedies for Stinky Shoes

Want to get rid of the stink? Stuff the shoes with newspaper.
That's right. Newspaper. Shoes should be "stink-free" come
morning!

If you don't have paper newspapers anymore, get Zinc Oxide
from the Pharmacy or Amazon. It's cheap. And it does the
trick. Fill the shoe with the Zinc Oxide powder in the
evening, and dump it out in the morning. Smell is gone for
good.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Ray and Bobby decide to go moose hunting in Canada. They
charter an airplane to take them to a remote region. The
pilot drops them off and tells them, "I'll be back in one
week. No more than one moose - got it?"

A wek passes, and the pilot returns to find the hunters have
shot two moose.

The pilot says, "Hey, I told you guys no more than one
moose."

Ray snaps back, "Hey, the pilot told us the same thing last
year and we gave him a real nice tip, if you catch my drift."

The three of them argue for several minutes more. The pilot
gives up and agrees to take both moose.

They load up the moose and fire up the plane. The plane
shudders and strains trying to take off. Just when it gets
off the ground it loses lift, and crashes into a tree.

Ray and Bobby, dazed and confused, make there way out of
the wreckage. Bobby looks around and says, "Where the heck
are we?"

The other looks around and replies, "About 100 yards further
than we got last year!"

____________________________________________________

A family was having some people to dinner.
At the table, the mother turned to her little daughter and
said, "Dear, would you like to say the blessing?"

"I wouldn't know what to say," replied the little girl,
shyly.

"Just say what you heard Mommy say." the woman said.

Her daughter took a deep breath, bowed her head, and
solemnly said,
"Dear Lawd, why in heall did I let Dave invite all these
ungwatefull smobs to dinner again!?!"

____________________________________________________

My sister, went to the department store to check out the
bridal registry of our niece whose wedding was coming up
soon. When my sister returned from the store, she tossed the
gift list on a table and declared, "I think she's too young
to get married."

"Why do you say that?" I asked.

"Because," she said, "they've registered for Nintendo games."

____________________________________________________

What a great way to live!

____________________________________________________

Today on September 30 in
1399 Henry Bolingbroke became the King of England as Henry
IV.

1777 The Congress of the United States moved to York, PA, due

1787 The Columbia left Boston and began the trip that would
make it the first American vessel to sail around the world.

1846 Dr. William Morton performed a painless tooth extraction
after administering ether to a patient.

1868 Spain's Queen Isabella was deposed and fled to France.

1882 In Appleton, WI, the world's first hydroelectric power
plant began operating.

1935 "Porgy and Bess" premiered in Boston.

1938 The Munich Conference ended with a decision to appease
Adolf Hitler. Britain, and France allowed Czechoslovakia's
formerly German Sudetenland to be returned to Germany.

1946 An international military tribunal in Nuremberg,
Germany, found 22 top Nazi leaders guilty of war crimes.

1947 The World Series was televised for the first time. The
sponsors only paid \$65,000 for the entire series between the
Brooklyn Dodgers and the New York Yankees.

1949 The Berlin Airlift came to an end. The airlift had taken
2.3 million tons of food into the western sector despite the

1951 "The Red Skelton Show" debuted on NBC-TV.

1954 The U.S. Navy commissioned the Nautilus submarine at
Groton, CT. It was the first atomic-powered vessel. The
submarine had been launched on January 21, 1954.

1962 James Meredith succeeded in registering at the
University of Mississippi. It was his fourth attempt to
register.

1963 The Soviet Union publicly declared itself on the side of
India in their dispute with Pakistan over Kashmir.

1966 Albert Speer and Baldur von Schirach were released at
midnight from Spandau prison after completing their 20-year
sentences. Speer was the Nazi minister of armaments and von
Schirach was the founder of Hitler Youth.

1971 A committee of nine people was organized to investigate
the prison riot at Attica, NY. 10 hostages and 32 prisoners
were killed when National Guardsmen stormed the prison on
September 13, 1971.

1976 California enacted the Natural Death Act of California.
The law was the first example of right-to-die legislation in
the U.S.

1980 Israel issued its new currency, the shekel, to replace
the pound.

1983 The first AH-64 Apache attack helicopter was rolled out
by McDonnell Douglas Helicopter Company.

1982 "Cheers" began an 11-year run on NBC-TV.

1984 "Doonesbury" by Garry Trudeau returned. The socialist,
pro-Democrat Party comic strip had not been printed in nearly
20 months.

1986 The U.S. released accused Soviet spy Gennadiy Zakharov,
one day after the Nicholas Daniloff had been released by the
Soviets.

1987 Mikhail S. Gorbachev retired President Andrei A. Gromyko
from the Politburo and fired other old-guard leaders in a
shake-up at the Kremlin.

1989 Thousands of East Germans began stampeding West under an
accord between the NATO nations and the Soviet Union.

1989 Non-Communist Cambodian guerrillas claimed that they had
captured 3 towns and 10 other positions from the residing
government forces.

1990 The Soviet Union and South Korea opened diplomatic
relations.

1991 Haiti's first freely elected president, Jean-Bertrand
Aristide, was overthrown by Brigadier General Raoul Cedras.
Aristide was later returned to power.

1992 Moscow banks distributed privatization vouchers aimed at
turning millions of Russians into capitalists.

1993 U.S. chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Colin Powell
retired.

1994 The space shuttle Endeavor took off on an 11-day
mission. Part of the mission was to use a radar instrument to
map remote areas of the Earth.

1997 France's Roman Catholic Church apologized for its
silence during the persecution and deportation of Jews the
pro-Nazi Vichy regime.

1998 Gov. Pete Wilson of California signed a bill into law
that defined "invasion of privacy as trespassing with the
intent to capture audio or video images of a celebrity or
crime victim engaging in a personal or family activity." The
law went into effect January 1, 1999.

1999 In Tokaimura, Japan, radiation escaped a nuclear
facility after workers accidentally set off an uncontrolled
nuclear chain reaction.

2014 Amazon filed for a patent for a UAV (unmanned aerial
vehicle) configured to autonomously deliver items to
customers. The patent was related to Amazon's plan for their
Prime Air service.

2016  smiled.

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How do you make filters?
Thursday, September 29, 2016, 09:03 AMPosted by Administrator

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Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, Sept 29

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Freeport man used pepper spray, metal pipe and
firearm in attack. Arrested.
______________________________________________________
Today, September 29, in
1829 The first public appearance by London's re-organized
police force was met with jeers from political opponents. The
force became known as Scotland Yard.
See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________

"A psychologist once said that we know little about the
conscience except that it is soluble in alcohol."
--- Thomas Blackburn

To do is to be
--- Descartes

To be is to do
--- Voltaire

Do be do be doo -
--- Frank Sinatra

Make love, not war
--- Dr Tomothy Leary

Hell, do both, get married!
--- Rosy

______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training
supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking
meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their
truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to
the other end. At the last house an older woman was
looking out her kitchen window watching the two men
as they checked her gas meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor
challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down
the alley and back to the truck to prove that an
older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized
the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing
right behind them. They stopped and asked her what
was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas
men running as hard as you two were, I figure I'd
better run too!"

______________________________________________________
2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP \$29.99

______________________________________________________

Bob's pager went off, summoning him to the hospital, where
he is an anesthetist.  As he raced toward the hospital, a
patrol car sped up behind him--lights flashing.  Bob hung
his stethoscope out the window to signal that he was on an
emergency call.

Within seconds, came the police officer's hand in response,
dangling a pair of handcuffs out the window.

______________________________________________________

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor

has been earned by

Derek Lloyd,
52,
Freeport,
Illinois

Freeport man used pepper spray, metal pipe and
firearm in attack

A 52-year-old Freeport man pepper-sprayed a 66-year-old man,
hit him with a metal pipe and then shot at a 21-year-old man
who tried to intervene Wednesday, authorities said.

Derek Lloyd is charged with aggravated discharge of a
firearm, reckless discharge of a firearm, and five counts of
aggravated battery, said Freeport Police Lt. Andrew
Schroeder. He's also facing misdemeanor counts of not having
a FOID card and criminal damage to property, said Schroeder.
His bail is set at \$200,000.

being fired in the 600 block of Waddell Avenue. The 66-year-
old man was walking down a sidewalk that ended at Lloyd's
property. He kept walking on the property near the street.
Lloyd approached the man, pepper sprayed him and punched him.
Lloyd then used a metal pipe to attack the man, Schroeder
said.
A 21-year-old motorist stopped when he saw the scene, and
Lloyd struck the man's car several times and pepper-sprayed
him. After the motorist got the pipe away, Lloyd retreated to
his house and retrieved a firearm. Lloyd fired the gun in the
direction of the motorist at least once, Schroeder said.
The 66-year-old man suffered several fractured bones in one
of his hands from protecting himself, while the motorist's
car was left with multiple dents, Schroeder said.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Scotty
RE: How do you make a filter?
Dear Webby,
I read in your page today how you told that person to filter
"make \$" and they wud lose a lot of spam. I haven't the
faintest idea how to filter, I have Virus protection, but
don't know about filters. I wud be very much pleased if you
cud pass the info to me at your convenience.
Scotty

Dear Scotty
First you need a spam control program. I have tried almost
all of them to be able to compare them, but I keep coming
back to FireTrust Mail Washer. That is why I put that link to
it in the side margin.

With the Mail Washer you can let it clean out the bulk of the

spam on it's own, and go after the rest of it with filters
that you can make. Whenever you spot something that shows
up again and again in spam, just make a filter for it.

It's really easy and straightforward to do that, IF you have
that program, but there is no point in explaining how to do
it until you have a spam control program in front of you.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

A couple of country doctors in West Virginia were discussing
the population explosion in the world.

One physician says, "Why, Bubba, this crazy birth thang isa
gettin' so bad that perty soon, they ain't gonna be room
for ever'body! There'sa gonna be standin' room only on this
here planet!"

The other doctor replied, "Heck, that sure oughta slow 'em
down a bit!"

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Giving Plastic Pumpkins A Stone Look

By Ana I. [24 Posts, 19 Comments]
I wanted Halloween planters. My budget was small, but I had
an idea to create this look with paints. I found these very
inexpensive pumpkin buckets at Walmart for \$1. I also had a
large pumpkin bucket that was purchased at a thrift store,
also for \$1.

Total Time: 2 hours
Yield: 4 or more

Supplies:
pumpkin buckets
spray paint
craft paints
sea sponge
sealer
flowers, optional

Steps:
Take your pumpkins and place on a tarp/or cardboard outside.
Giving Plastic Pumpkins A Stone Look
Spray paint; let dry.
Use craft paints in the shades of cream, grey, light brown,
or dark tan color, with your sea sponge (sea sponge works the
best). Lightly press your sea sponge in the first color
(cream) and lightly tap all over your pumpkin.
Repeat the process with the next color (grey).
Lastly use the light brown/dark tan color tapping lightly.
Stand back and take a look. It appears to look like stone.
many looks).
You can put potted fall flowers in the pumpkins to finish the
project.

If you are in a hurry or want to save some money, just mix
some Ply-Filla or Plaster-of-Paris, and slap it on with your
hands or a rag. Depending on the type of plastic and on how
much rain it gets, that will last many years.

You can also use large pickle jars. I used a 2 gallon jar a
kid in grade school, wrapped it with rags dipped in Plaster-
of-Paris until it looked like a pretty fancy vase, and
slathered and smoothed more Plaster-of-Paris on. Then I
painted it with off-white enamel. That was in the 50's. Last
time I visited, I saw that vase still in use with some dried
fancy grasses in it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Mr. Jones patted his daughter's hand fondly, and told her,
"Your young man told me today he wanted you as a bride, and
I gave my consent."

"Oh, Papa," gushed the daughter, "it's going to be so hard
leaving mother."

"I understand perfectly, my dear," beamed Mr. Jones. "You
just take her with you."

Synchronized Swimming - Stairway to Heaven

____________________________________________________

On a high school science quiz in Florida there was the
question,
"When water becomes ice which of its physical properties
increases?"

Everyone answered, "Its volume.." Except one wise guy who
wrote, "When water becomes ice, its price increases."

____________________________________________________

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field
and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with
the control tower in the middle.
"What time is it?"

The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"

The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference.
If it is an American Airlines Flight, it is 3 o'clock.
If it is an Air Force, it is 1500 hours.
If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the
little hand is on the 3.
If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Tuesday afternoon."
If it's a Cessna, it's two hours till Happy Hour.

____________________________________________________

Using turkey feathers as a canvas.

____________________________________________________

Today on September 29 in
1789 A regular army was established by the U.S. War
Department with several hundred men.

1829 The first public appearance by London's re-organized
police force was met with jeers from political opponents. The
force became known as Scotland Yard.

1940 The radio quiz show "Double or Nothing" debuted on the

1943 U.S. Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower and Italian Marchal
Pietro Badoglio signed an armistice aboard the British ship
Nelson.

1962 U.S. President John F. Kennedy nationalized the
Mississippi National guard in response to city officials
defying federal court orders. The orders had been to enroll
James Meredith at the University of Mississippi.

1967 The International Monetary Fund reformed monetary
systems around the world.

1977 Eva Shain became the first woman to officiate a
heavyweight title boxing match. About 70 million people
watched Muhammad Ali defeat Ernie Shavers on NBC-TV.

1982 In Chicago, IL, seven people died after taking capsules
of Extra-Strength Tylenol that had been laced with cyanide.
264,000 bottles were recalled.

1983 The War Powers Act was used for the first time by the
U.S. Congress when they authorized President Reagan to keep
U.S. Marines in Lebanon for 18 more months.

1983 "A Chorus Line" with performance number 3,389 became the

1984 Irish officials announced that they had intercepted the
Marita Anne carrying seven tons of U.S.-purchased weapons.
The weapons were intended for the Irish Republican Army.

1984 Elizabeth Taylor was voted to be the world's most
beautiful woman in a Louis Harris poll. Taylor was at the
time in the Betty Ford Clinic overcoming a weight problem.

1988 The space shuttle Discovery took off from Cape Canaveral
in Florida. It was the first manned space flight since the
Challenger disaster.

1990 "Millie's Book" by First Lady Barbara Bush was the best-
selling non-fiction book in the U.S.

1992 Brazilian lawmakers overwhelmingly voted to impeach
President Fernando Collor de Mello.

1993 Bosnia's parliament voted overwhelmingly to reject an
international peace plan unless Bosnian Serbs returned land
that had been taken by force.

1994 The U.S. House voted to end the practice of lobbyists
buying meals and entertainment for members of Congress.

1998 Hasbro announced plans to introduce an action figure of
retired U.S. General Colin Powell.

2008 The Dow Industrial Average lost 777 points. It was the
largest one-day decline to date. The drop came after the U.S.
House of Representatives had voted down a \$700 billion bank
bailout plan.

2010 In China, Canton Tower became operational.

2016  smiled.

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She can't block spammers
Wednesday, September 28, 2016, 09:04 AMPosted by Administrator

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Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, Sept 28

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Missouri student busted while driving with avocado pipe
______________________________________________________
Today, September 28, in
1066 England was invaded by William the Conqueror who
claimed the English throne.
See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
The petty economies of the rich are just as amazing
as the silly extravagances of the poor.
--- William Feather (1908 - 1976)

Americans will put up with anything provided it
doesn't block traffic.
--- Dan Rather (1931 - )

Women like silent men,
they think they're listening.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

>From Dora
My teenager was headed to school one morning when I
told him that the neck tag on his shirt was hanging out.
"I know," he replied.
"It's a fad me and some of the guys started."

Weeks later, as the style persisted, I commented,
"I can't stand it! Every time I see that, I want to fix it
for you."
I gently tucked the tag in place and rumpled his hair.

"Yeah," he said smiling slyly.  "All the girls do."

------------------

Hmmmm, looks like I will have to rip the name tags out of
my shirts and sew them in a bit higher up so that they
CAN peek out.

______________________________________________________
2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP \$29.99

______________________________________________________

Robert and Peter had applied for jobs at a large company and
had to take an intelligence test. Though both of them found
the test a breeze, except that they admitted to being
momentarily stumped by the final question: "Name a 14 letter
word for someone in charge of a plant."

it was tough at first.... then I thought of Superintendent."

"I think I got it right too," Pete said. "But I wrote down
Horticulturist."

______________________________________________________

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

has been earned by

Benjamin Hensley,
21,
Branson,
Missouri

Missouri student busted while driving with avocado pipe

While patrolling a stretch of highway a Missouri sheriff’s
deputy spotted a motorist smoking a pipe and exhaling “a
cloud of smoke.”

After pulling in behind the suspect around 9:35 PM, a cop
noticed the vehicle had a break light out, so he “activated
his emergency equipment” and stopped the car on a street in
Branson, the popular tourist destination.

As two deputies approached the auto, they recognized the
“strong odor of marijuana emitting from the interior of the
car,” which was being driven by Benjamin Hensley, 21.

driving, according to a Taney County Sheriff’s Office report.
Hensley, seen above, then “pointed to an avocado in the
center cup holder of the vehicle.”

pot pipe. He then handed the fruit (yes, avocado is a fruit)
to a deputy, who noted the “strong odor of burnt marijuana
emitting from a hole in the avocado.”

Hensley then retrieved a small bag of pot from the car’s
center console and turned it over to a cop, who cited him for
marijuana possession. In a two-count misdemeanor information
filed last week, prosecutors tacked on a second charge, since
“defendant possessed an avocado, which was drug
paraphernalia.”

Deputies confiscated the avocado during the traffic stop. At
the direction of an evidence technician, a deputy reported,
“I placed the avocado in the evidence freezer.”

Hensley is scheduled for arraignment on October 17. The
avocado enthusiast is a University of Arkansas student whose
family lives in Branson.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: George
RE: Unable to block
Dear Webby,
I received this spam at my old address, but am unable to
the '-' ! My question for you: How can I get rid of this
spammer?

From: comcast@unspecified-domain
To: ......

George

Dear George
The problem is not the dash, but the missing ".com"

"unspecified-domain" means the spammer didn't specify a
domain.

I don't bother filtering by the usually forged FROM address.
I filter by the content.
How many legitimate mails do you get that have
"make \$" in them ?
None.
Filter for "make \$" in the body, and you will dump a lot of
spam right there.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

GOVERNMENT WORK RULES
1) If it rings, put it on hold.
2) If it clunks, call the repairman.
3) If it whistles, ignore it.
4) If it's a friend, stop work and chat.
5) If it's the Boss, look busy.
6) If it talks, take notes.
7) If it's handwritten, type it.
8) If it's typed, copy it.
9) If it's copied, file it.
10) If it's Friday, FORGET IT!!!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Apple Cake

By Mary Ray [16 Posts, 4 Comments]
A great way to use apples and make a delicious homemade cake.

Prep Time: 30 minutes
Cook Time: 60 minutes
Total Time: 90 minutes
Yield: 8-12 servings

Ingredients:
5 cups chopped apples
1 1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup coconut oil
2 eggs, large
1 tsp rum extract
2 tsp ground cinnamon
2 tsp baking soda
2 cups all purpose flour
2 cups chopped pecans or walnuts-toasted
confectioners sugar

Steps:
Peel, core and chop apples. Approximately 5 cups chopped.
In mixing bowl add sugar, coconut oil, eggs and rum extract.
Beat until creamed.
In separate bowl mix together baking soda, flour and
cinnamon.
Pour into a 10 inch tube cake pan that has been oiled
(coconut). Bake for 1 hr. at 350 F.
Cool on rack for 10 minutes. Turn out cake unto a plate and
dust with confectioners sugar.
Turn out cake unto a plate and dust with confectioners sugar.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife
made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was

But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her
to say, "I hope you don't mind Johnny being in there."

"No, not at all." said the doctor calmly, "hat stuff in there
is quite poisonous to a kid and he'll quiten down soon
enough."

let me in!

____________________________________________________

An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a
vacation in Key West Florida.  His wife was on a business
trip that was ending the next day and planned to fly directly

to Key West to meet him, so they could have more time
together during their vacation.

When he arrived at his hotel in Florida, he decided to send
his wife a quick e-mail.  Unable to find the piece of paper
his best to type it from memory.

Unfortunately, he did not get it exactly right and the
message was routed instead to a preachers wife, whose husband
had just passed away earlier that week.

When the grieving widow opened her e-mail, she took one
look at her monitor, let out a blood curdling scream and
passed out in a dead faint.

The woman's daughter having heard the scream and the loud
thud, rushed into the room. There she saw her mother lying on

the floor and the following message on the computer screen:

MY DARLING WIFE:
JUST CHECKED IN, EVERYTHING IS PREPARED FOR
LOOKING FORWARD TO US BEING TOGETHER AGAIN.

P.S.  IT SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE!

____________________________________________________

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators.
He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The
millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single.

One day, the millionaire decides to throw a huge party, and
during the party he announces, "My dear guests, I have a
proposition to every man here. I will give one million
dollars, or my daughter, to the man who can swim across this
pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!"

As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound
of a large splash in the pool. The guy in the pool was
swimming with all his might, and the crowd began to cheer
him on. Finally, he made it to the other side of the pool
unharmed.

The millionaire was impressed. He said, "That was incredible!
Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must
keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the
one million dollars?"

The guy catches his breath, then says, "Listen, I don't want
creep who pushed me in the pool!"

____________________________________________________

The two colored rivers in Germany

____________________________________________________

Today on September 28 in
1066 England was invaded by William the Conqueror who claimed
the English throne.

1542 San Diego, CA, was discovered by Portuguese navigator
Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo.

1687 The Turks surrendered Athens to the Venetians.

1781 During the Revolutionary War, American forces began the
siege on Yorktown, VA.

1850 The U.S. Navy abolished flogging as a form of
punishment.

1850 U.S. President Millard Fillmore named Brigham Young the
first governor of the Utah territory. In 1857, U.S. President
James Buchanan removed Young from the position.

1892 The first nighttime football game in the U.S. took place
under electric lights. The game was between the Mansfield
State Normal School and the Wyoming Seminary.

1915 The British defeated the Turks in Mesopotamia (Iraq) at
Kut-el-Amara.

1924 The first around-the-world flight was completed by two
U.S. Army planes when they landed in Seattle, WA. The trip
took 175 days.

1939 During World War II, Germany and the Soviet Union agreed
upon a plan on the division of Poland.

1950 The United Nations admitted Indonesia.

1967 The first mayor of Washington, DC, Walter Washington,
took office.

1972 Communist China and Japan agreed to re-establish
diplomatic relations.

1978 Heavy fighting occurred in Lebanon between Syrian
peacekeeping troops and Lebanese Christian militiamen.

1978 Don Sherman, editor of Car & Driver, set a new Class E
record in Utah. Driving the Mazda RX7 he reached a speed of
183.904 mph.

1990 The Game Boy handheld video game device was released in
Europe.

1991 In response to U.S. President Bush's reduction of U.S.
nuclear arms Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev promised
to reciprocate.

1995 Yasser Arafat of the PLO and Israeli Prime Minister
Yitzhak Rabin signed an accord that transferred control of
the West Bank.

1997 The 103rd convention of the Audio Engineering Society
(AES) was held in New York City, NY. The official debut of
the DVD format was featured.

2000 The U.S. Federal Drug Administration approved the use of
RU-486 in the United States. The pill is used to induce an
abortion.

2004 Nate Olive and Sarah Jones arrived at the U.S.-Mexico
border to complete the first known continuous hike of the
1,800-mile trail down the U.S. Pacific Coast. They started
the trek on June 8.

2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 2 billion applications

2016  smiled.

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Tuesday, September 27, 2016, 09:36 AMPosted by Administrator

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Good Morning, ,

Thank you, Sig!

Today is Tuesday, Sept 27

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Crime Stoppers president charged in \$3M pot bust
______________________________________________________
Today, September 27, in
1825 George Stephenson, an English steem engine builder,
operated the first locomotive that hauled a passenger train.
See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Anybody who has doubts about the ingenuity or the
resourcefulness of a plumber never got a bill from one.
--- George Meany

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
--- Sir Winston Churchill

I respect faith,
but doubt is what gets you an education.
--- Wilson Mizner
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A hooded robber burst into a Texas bank and forced the
tellers to load a sack full of cash.
On his way out the door a brave Texas customer grabbed the
hood and pulled it off revealing the robber's face.
The robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation.

He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers
looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also.

Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at
the floor in silence.

The robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?"

There were a few moments of utter silence in which everyone
was plainly afraid to speak. Then one old man tentatively
raised his hand and said, "My mother-in-law got a pretty good
look at you."

______________________________________________________
2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP \$29.99

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Roland for this delightful classic:
Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one!

Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of
her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots?
He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her
pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want
to go on.

Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up
a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said,
"Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."

She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier
pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She
managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the
boots back on -- this time on the right feet.

He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and
scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to.
And, once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-
fitting boots off his little feet.

No sooner they got the boots off and he said,
"They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em."

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But, she
mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle
the boots on his feet again.

mittens?"

He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."

______________________________________________________

You did WHAT?
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

has been earned by

Jon-Paul Fuller,
44,
Leamington,
Ontario

Crime Stoppers president charged in \$3M pot bust

The president of an Ontario chapter of Crime Stoppers was
forced out of his position this week, after police charged
him in connection with a large marijuana grow-operation.
Windsor & Essex County Crime Stoppers voted Thursday, to
remove Jon-Paul Fuller the day after Ontario Provincial
Police raided greenhouses in Leamington, Ont.
Police said they found more than 2,900 marijuana plants with
an estimated value of \$2.9 million, along with 41 kilograms
of harvested marijuana worth about \$180,000.

“It’s difficult to accept, very shocking, but nonetheless
we’re moving forward,” said Charlie Hotham, who preceded
Fuller as president and was reinstated on Thursday.

“We don’t want to let one person take away from the good
deeds that Crime Stoppers does,” he added.

Hotham said the Crime Stoppers board is not involved in the
day-to-day operation of the tip line, which allows people to
offer information on crimes without contacting police.
Fuller is charged with production of marijuana and possession
for the purpose of trafficking.

Also charged is Doc Van Phan, 53, also of Leamington.

Fuller had also recently been president and CEO of Aphria — a
licensed medical marijuana production company based in
Leamington — from February 2013 to May 2014.

More recently, Fuller’s page identifies him as the president
of “CAFR Corp” since July 2015. The company is described as
“Assisting MMPR patients” — a reference to Marijuana for
Medical Purposes Regulations.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Joyce
Dear Webby,
I love my "MailWasher Pro" but lately I have been getting
some of my bounced mail back again from their server
saying that the return address has a fatal error. Well, we
both know that it is just the spammers way of getting
around my "MailWasher Pro", What I want to know: is
there a way of not getting all these mail delivery failed
notices, a setting that I don't have working for me or
something?
informative that I can't wait to read the next one.
PS. I also enjoy the humor,
Joyce

Dear Joyce
Don't bother bouncing mail to spammers. They never use their
yours. Bouncing spam back to you is rather silly.

You can bounce email to your mother-in-law or politicians,
but other than that, it's best to just send the spam to
trash. Automatically, without even showing in the list.
It's really cool to see an INbox, that has just the few
emails, that you are going to answer.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

While I was attending a law course, the 'Audi alteram parten'
rule was explained to us. Translated it means "To hear the
other party." After discussing the subject at great length,
the lecturer asked if anyone didn't understand the rule.

Responded one man "My Wife."

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
7 Minute Icing

By likekinds [192 Posts, 892 Comments]

Prep Time: 5 min
Cook Time: 7-10 min
Total Time: 20 min
Yield: Enough to ice two 9 inch layers
Source: American History

Ingredients:
Here is my version. It's pretty much the standard.
2 large egg whites
1/3 cup water
1 cup granulated sugar
1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
1/4 tsp cream of tartar
Notes: Mixing bowl and beaters must be immaculate. A trace of
grease will ruin the icing. Also there must be no yolk in
the
egg whites.

Cream of tartar acts as a stabilizer to the egg whites. It's
effects are more pronounced in meringues than in cooked
icings. I have made this icing with and without cream of
tartar, and can't tell any difference. Let's call it
optional.

Steps:
In lower half of double boiler, have and keep rapidly boiling
water. In upper half, add all ingredients. Place over lower
half. Immediately start beating with mixer on medium or high.
Make sure the mixture near the bottom is constantly blended
with the higher. Keep mixing that icing off the sides with
that the inner.
There is no exact time to stop beating the icing. I usually
find myself beating it for about ten minutes. When testing
shows the icing to have stiffness and body to your liking,
remove from heat and stop beating. Allow the icing to cool on
counter top for five minutes. Then mix again for about 30
seconds for extra smoothness.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
After 50 years of wondering why he didn't look like his
younger sister or brother, Paul finally got up the nerve

"Yes, you were son," his mother said as she started to cry
softly. "but it didn't work out and they brought you back."

let me in!

____________________________________________________

Belinda was complaining about her husband spending
all his time at the pub, so one night he took her along.

"Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied.

So the Bob ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw
his down in one go. Belinda watched him, then took a sip
from her glass and immediately spat it out.

"Yuck, it's nasty poison!" she spluttered. "I don't know how
you can drink this stuff!"

"Well, there you go," yelled the husband.
"And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"

____________________________________________________

Church Bulletin:
"Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m.
Please use the large double door at the side entrance."

____________________________________________________

The two colored rivers in Germany

____________________________________________________

Today on September 27 in
1779 John Adams was elected to negotiate with the British
over the American Revolutionary War peace terms.

1825 George Stephenson, an English steem engine builder,
operated the first locomotive that hauled a passenger train.

1894 The Aqueduct Race Track opened in New York City, NY.

1928 The U.S. announced that it would recognize the
Nationalist Chinese Government.

1938 The League of Nations branded the Japanese as aggressors
in China.

1939 After 19 days of token resistance, Warsaw, Poland,
surrendered to the Germans after being invaded by the Nazis
and the Soviet Union during World War II.

1940 The Berlin-Rome-Tokyo Axis was set up. The military and
economic pact was for 10 years between Germany, Italy and
Japan.

1954 The "Tonight!" show made its debut on NBC-TV with Steve
Allen as host.

1962 The U.S. sold Hawk anti-aircraft missiles to Israel.

1968 The U.K.'s entry into the European Common Market was
barred by France.

1970 "The Original Amateur Hour" aired for the last time on
CBS. It had been on television for 22 years.

1982 Italian and French soldiers entered the Sabra and
Chatilla refugee camps in Beirut. The move was made by the
members of a multinational force due to hundreds of
Palestinians being massacred by Christian militiamen.

1989 Columbia Pictures Entertainment agreed to buy out Sony
Corporation for \$3.4 billion.

1989 Two men went over the 176-foot-high Niagara Falls in a
barrel. Jeffrey Petkovich and Peter Debernardi were the first
to ever survive the Horshoe Falls.

1990 The deposed emir of Kuwait addressed the U.N. General
Assembly and denounced the "rape, destruction and terror"
that Iraq had inflicted upon his country.

1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush eliminated all land-
based tactical nuclear arms and removed all short-range
nuclear arms from ships and submarines around the world. Bush
then called on the Soviet Union to do the same.

1994 More than 350 Republican congressional candidates signed
the Contract with America. It was a 10-point platform they
pledged to enact if voters sent a GOP majority to the House.

2004 North Korean Vice Foreign Minister Choe Su Hon announced
that North Korea had turned plutonium from 8,000 spent
nuclear fuel rods into nuclear weapons. He also said that the
weapons were to serve as a deterrent against increasing U.S.
nuclear threats and to prevent nuclear war in northeast Asia.

2016  smiled.

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Email bunged up
Monday, September 26, 2016, 09:22 AMPosted by Administrator

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Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, Sept 26

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Disturbing video of a 3-year-old boy smoking marijuana
led to the arrest of his uncle.
______________________________________________________
Today, September 26, in
1950 U.N. troops recaptured the South Korean capital of Seoul
from the North Koreans during the Korean Conflict.
See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
--- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914)

Rest is the sweet sauce of labor.
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the
woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the
husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body
because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to
donate some of his own skin.  However, the only skin on his
body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come
from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they
would tell no one about where the skin came from, and
requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After
all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded
at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than
she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just
went on and on about her youthful beauty!  One day, she
was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with
emotion at his sacrifice. She said, Dear, I just want to
thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way
I could ever repay you."

"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all
the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you
on the cheek."

______________________________________________________
2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP \$29.99

______________________________________________________

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his
Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

______________________________________________________

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

has been earned by

Lamel Yancy,
17,
North Little Rock,
Arkansas

c

Disturbing video of a 3-year-old boy smoking marijuana
led to the arrest of his uncle.

Lamel Yancy, 17, was charged with endangering the welfare of
a minor after he allegedly posted the video to Facebook,
which police found while investigating him for a burglary
charge, according to KTHV.

The video shows Yancy allegedly passing the marijuana to the
boy, who is sitting in the backseat of a car, and telling the
child to “hit the blunt.”

The boy, can be heard saying “weed” and coughing as he
appeared to smoke the marijuana.

Yancy can be heard laughing, saying to a woman in the car,

The female seated next to him, who police believe is the
boy’s mother, can be heard objecting, but Yancy replies that
he “will smoke more” with the 3-year-old later.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Eloise
RE: Bunged up mail
Dear Webby,
Last weekend my mom had a birthday, and we gave her a Canon
camera. We had hoped to get all kinds of pictures from her,
but now my mail is totally bunged up and I don't get any mail
arrives. We are on a fairly new desktop with W10 and on
rural dial-up. What can I do to fix it?
Eloiese

Dear Eloise
You can't.
Tell your mother to stop sending you batches of 12 MB
pictures. Your connection simply can't handle that.
Tell her to use ANY graphics program, even the built in
Microsoft PAINT (START, paint ) to shrink the pictures
to about 1000 wide, or smaller, and then send them one
picture at a time.

In the meantime, phone your ISP and ask them to dump your
email. Yes, dump it, zero it. On dial-up you probably would
Just imagine, one hundred 12 MB pictures attached to an
email! Even on 20 Mbps DSL, that would take overnight or
more.

If you give somebody a camera, first teach them how to shrink
the pictures. Don't reduce the camera setting. Leave that at
UltraFine. If you want to crop just the distant corner where
grampa trips over the cat, and discard the rest of the
picture, you need the fine resolution, when you expand that
corner to monitor size. Just crop the finished pictures to
about the size of the large click-through picture in the Dear
Webby Humor Letter.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Eric said his company sometimes abbreviates the shipping
address of their customers to make them fit on the printed
labels. However, the Assembly Of God Church aparently
was not amused when the label on their box displayed,
"Ass Of God Church".

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Lemon Curd Tart

I make my own curd and this is the recipe from my own recipe
book.
Beat 2 eggs and 2 egg yolks until frothy. Gradually beat in
1/2 cup sugar until thick and pale. Mix in 1/2 cup strained
lemon juice and the grated rind of 2 lemons. Cook in a heavy
saucepan over a low heat and stir constantly with a wooden
spoon until the mixture thickens and coats the back of the
spoon. Remove from the heat and beat in 125 g chilled
unsalted butter with the wooden spoon. Place in sterilized
jars and refrigerate
By Tandy

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A student from MSU was traveling North on I-15 when she
spotted a hitchiker.  He was pretty good-looking, so she
decided she'd pick him up.

They started the usual chit-chat, and she turned on the
charm. Things were going well and she thought sure he'd ask
her on a date soon, but then somehow he let it slip that he
was a convict on the run.

"What were you in prison for?"  she asked.

"I murdered my wife and children," he cooly responded.
Without a moment's hesitation, she added hopefully,
"oh, so you're single...?"

Kitten massage

____________________________________________________

A Scotsman was visiting a friend in the mountains of
Canada. The first morning in the cabin, he awoke and
stood by the window admiring the scenery. Suddenly,
he noticed a huge animal walk by.
"Och, whut's thaaat?" he said.

His Canadian friend looked out and said,
"Oh, that's a moose."

"Och! If thaaat's a moose, hoo big are yore cats aroond
here?"

____________________________________________________

The shoe dealer was interviewing a potential salesman.
"Suppose," he said, "a lady customer were to remark while
you were trying to fit her, 'Don't you think one of my
feet is bigger than the other?' What would you say?"

"I would say, 'On the contrary, Ma'am, one is smaller
than the other.'"

"The job is yours."

____________________________________________________

The two colored rivers in Germany

____________________________________________________

Today on September 26 in
1777 Philadelphia was occupied by British troops during the
American Revolutionary War.

1908 In "The Saturday Evening Post" an ad for the Edison
Phonograph appeared.

1914 The U.S. Federal Trade Commission was established.

1918 During World War I, the Meuse-Argonne offensive against
the Germans began. It was the final Allied offensive on the
western front.

1950 U.N. troops recaptured the South Korean capital of Seoul
from the North Koreans during the Korean Conflict.

1955 The New York Stock Exchange suffered its worst decline
since 1929 when the word was released concerning U.S.
President Eisenhower's heart attack.

1960 The first televised debate between presidential
candidates Richard M. Nixon and John F. Kennedy took place in
Chicago, IL.

1962 "The Beverly Hillbillies" premiered on CBS-TV.

1964 "Gilligan's Island" premiered on CBS-TV. The show aired
for the last time on September 4, 1967.

1980 The Cuban government abruptly closed Mariel Harbor to
end the freedom flotilla of Cuban refugees that began the
previous April.

1981 The Boeing 767 made its maiden flight in Everett, WA.

1990 The Motion Picture Association of America announced that
it had created a new rating. The new NC17 rating was to keep
moviegoers under the age of 17 from seeing certain films.

1991 Four men and four women began their two-year stay inside
the "Biosphere II." The project was intended to develop
technology for future space colonies. It was abandoned in
1993 when they were caught ordering in pizzas.

1996 Shannon Lucid returned to Earth after being in space for
188 days. she set a time record for a U.S. astronaut in
space
and in the world for time spent by a woman in space.

2000 The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Born-Alive
Infants Protection Act. The act states that an infant would
be considered to have been born alive if he or she is
completely extracted or expelled from the mother and breathes
and has a beating heart and definite movement of the
voluntary muscles.

2000 Slobodan Milosevic conceded that Vojislav Kostunica had
won Yugoslavia's presidential election and declared a runoff.
The declared runoff prompted mass protests.

2001 In Kabul, Afghanistan, the abandoned U.S. Embassy was
stormed by protesters. It was the largest anti-Amercian
protest since the terror attacks on New York City and
Washington, DC, on September 11. The US retaliated with
misiles and bombers.

2001 Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat and Israeli Foreign
Minister Shimon Peres announced plans to formalize a cease-
fire and end a year of fighting in the region.

2006 Facebook was openened to everyone at least 13 years or
older with a valid email address.

2016  smiled.

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ALT key combos
Sunday, September 25, 2016, 02:45 PMPosted by Administrator

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Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, Sept 25

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Convicted Drug Dealer Leads Police On Pursuit And
Crashes Into Kmart
______________________________________________________
Today, September 25, in
1493 Christopher Columbus left Spain with 17 ships
on his second voyage to the Western Hemisphere.

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he
is brave five minutes longer.
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

Money is like a sixth sense without which you cannot
make a complete use of the other five.
--- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities.
Truth isn't.
--- Mark Twain
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang
and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear.
"How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you
having?"

"Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears,
"I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing
machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping,
and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble
around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed
to have two couples to dinner tonight."

The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy.
"Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your
eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping,
clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed
the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your
house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying.
I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the
office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for
once."

"George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?"

"Why, George! Your husband!....Is this 223-1374?"

"No, this is 223-1375."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number."

There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this
mean you're not coming over?"

______________________________________________________
2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP \$29.99

______________________________________________________

>From Elsa
I couldn't decide whether to go to Salt Lake City or Denver
for vacation, so I called the airlines to get prices. "Air-
fare to Denver is \$300," said a cheery salesperson.

"And what about Salt Lake City?"

"We have a really great rate to Salt Lake--\$99.00, but there
is a stopover."

"Denver."

______________________________________________________

Ukrainian Birches
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

and a Darwin Award has been earned by

26,
PA

Convicted Drug Dealer Leads Police On Pursuit And
Crashes Into Kmart

A convicted drug dealer was arrested this afternoon after
fleeing from police and crashing his vehicle into Kmart in
Loyalsock Township. According to State Police in
driving a black Dodge Durango east on High Street near Herdic
Place around 12:25 p.m. September 19 while an officer was on
patrol in the area. The officer recognized Barasky as being
involved in a recent vehicle pursuit in the City of
Williamsport in the same vehicle, and knew that he did not

The officer activated his lights and sirens in an attempt to
Street and accelerated while passing on the left in a no
passing zone toward oncoming traffic. He then turned east
onto Louisa Street and traveled at speeds in excess of 80
miles per hour as he blew past several stop signs. Barasky's
vehicle went airborne while he was traveling at high speeds.

Due to the high rate of speed and time of the day, the
officer decided to terminate the pursuit for fear of innocent
people getting hurt.

A second officer observed the Durango traveling at a high
and tried to pull him over but Barasky continued to flee. As
the second officer pursued him, Barasky went through the red
light at Four Mile Drive and Northway Road causing vehicles
to scatter. Barasky then drove past Loyalsock Township High
School where he allegedly disposed of 70 bags of heroin on
pursuit down Sheridan Street and then Homewood Avenue before
crashing the front end of the Durango into a western concrete
block wall at Kmart, where the children's department is
located.  A witness saw Barasky flee the scene on foot
through the Kmart/Giant Plaza toward Staples. He disposed of
nine bags of heroin in a garbage can in front of Staples
while running through. Barasky attempted to jump a rear fence
at Willard's on Westminster Drive and was then taken into
custody in the parking lot. Law enforcement recovered the
bags of heroin when canvasing the area shortly after the
pursuit.

At the time of arrest, Barasky had on him \$500, two cellular
phones and two additional cellular phones that were found in
the crashed Durango. A test of Barasky's hands revealed the
presence of heroin. He was charged with possession with
intent to deliver heroin, fleeing or attempting to elude
police, hit and run and approximately 20 other traffic
summary offeneses. Barasky was arrainged before Distrist
Magistrate Gary Whiteman and jailed on \$250,000 bail.
Barasky is on parole in Pennsylvania in connection with a
drug delivery charge he was convicted on in 2009.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Scotty
RE: ALT keys
Dear Webby,
I tried punchin on alt on my keyboard and nuthin'
happened. As you can see, I am not a PC whiz
Scotty

Dear Scotty
Hold down the ALT key, and without letting go,
hit the first of the underlined keys.
To for example save a file as a new file do this:

ALT  (hold down, don't let go)
F    ( File )
let go of both ALT and F
A  (save As)
type in the new file name
ENTER

The  same applies to all top menu items, that have
an underlined letter.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

A church had a man in the choir who couldn't sing.  Several
people hinted to him that he could serve in other places, but
he continued to come to the choir.  The choir director
became
desperate and went to the pastor.

"You've got to get that man out of the choir," he said.  "If
you
don't, I'm going to resign.  The choir members are going to

So the pastor went to the man and suggested, "Perhaps you
should leave the choir."

"Why should I get out of the choir?" he asked.

"Well, five or six people have told me you can't sing."

That's nothing," the man snorted.  "Fifty people have told me
that you can't preach!"

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Lemon Curd Tart

I make my own curd and this is the recipe from my own recipe
book.
Beat 2 eggs and 2 egg yolks until frothy. Gradually beat in
1/2 cup sugar until thick and pale. Mix in 1/2 cup strained
lemon juice and the grated rind of 2 lemons. Cook in a heavy
saucepan over a low heat and stir constantly with a wooden
spoon until the mixture thickens and coats the back of the
spoon. Remove from the heat and beat in 125 g chilled
unsalted butter with the wooden spoon. Place in sterilized
jars and refrigerate
By Tandy

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl
whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed
in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness and today is
the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to
explain, keeping it simple.
"Then, why's the groom wearing black?"

the tablet - I want one!

____________________________________________________

identify their sexes. She calls the shop, and the man
there advises her to watch them carefully and all
would become clear in time.

She spends weeks staring at the cage and eventually
catches them doing what comes naturally. To make
sure she doesn't get them mixed up again, she cuts
out a ring from a piece of cardboard and puts it round
the male parrot's neck.

A while later, the local priest visits the old lady. The
male parrot takes one look at the father's collar, wolf
whistles, and says, "I see she caught YOU, too."

____________________________________________________

Thanks to Anna for this one:
My son, Mitchell, a kindergartener, practices spelling with
magnetic letters on the refrigerator: "cat," "dog," "dad,"
and "mom" have been proudly displayed for all to see.

One morning while getting ready for the day, Mitchell
bounded into the room with his arms outstretched. In his
hands were three magnetic letters: G-O-D.
"Look what I spelled, Mom!" Mitch exclaimed, a proud
smile on his face.

"That's wonderful!" I said. "Now go put them on the fridge
so Dad can see when he gets home tonight."
That Christian education is certainly having an impact,
I thought, happily.

Just then, a little voice called from the kitchen.

"Mom? How do you spell 'zilla?'"

____________________________________________________

Longest running battery ever.

____________________________________________________

Today on September 25 in
1492 The crew of the Pinta, one of Christopher Columbus'
ships, mistakenly thought that they had spotted land.

1493 Christopher Columbus left Spain with 17 ships on his
second voyage to the Western Hemisphere.

1513 The Pacific Ocean was discovered by Spanish explorer
Vasco Nunez de Balboa when he crossed the Isthmus of Panama.
He named the body of water the South Sea. He was truly just
the first European to see the Pacific Ocean.

1775 Ethan Allen was captured by the British during the
American Revolutionary War. He was leading the attack on
Montreal.

1789 The first U.S. Congress adopted 12 amendments to the
Constitution. Ten of the amendments became the Bill of
Rights.

1847 During the Mexican-American War, U.S. forces led by
General Zachary Taylor captured Monterrey Mexico.

1890 The Sequoia National Park was established as a U.S.
National Park in Central California. It is still awesome!

1890 Mormon President Wilford Woodruff issued a Manifesto in
which the practice of polygamy was renounced.

1919 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson collapsed after a speech
in Pueblo, CO. The speaking tour was in support of the Treaty
of Versailles.

1956 A transatlantic telephone-cable system began operation
between Newfoundland and Scotland.

1957 300 U.S. Army troops stood guard as nine black students
were escorted to class at Central High School in Little Rock,
AR. The children had been forced to withdraw 2 days earlier
because of unruly white mobs.

1965 Willie Mays, at the age of 34, became the oldest man to
hit 50 home runs in a single season. He had also set the
record for the youngest to hit 50 ten years earlier.

1973 The three crewmen of Skylab II landed in the Pacific
Ocean after being on the U.S. space laboratory for 59 days.

1978 Melissa Ludtke, a writer for "Sports Illustrated", filed
a suit in U.S. District Court. The result was that Major
League Baseball could not bar female writers from the locker
room after the game.

1981 Sandra Day O'Connor became the first female justice of
the U.S. Supreme Court when she was sworn in as the 102nd
justice. She had been nominated the previous July by U.S.
President Ronald Reagan.

1983 A Soviet military officer, Stanislav Petrov, averted a
potential worldwide nuclear war. He declared a false alarm
after a U.S. attack was detected by a Soviet early warning
system. It was later discovered the alarms had been set off
when the satellite warning system mistakenly interpreted
sunlight reflections off clouds as the presence of enemy
missiles.

1986 An 1894-S Barber Head dime was bought for \$83,000 at a
coin auction in California. It is one of a dozen that exist.

1987 The booty collected from the Wydah, which sunk off Cape
Cod in 1717, was auctioned off. The worth was around \$400
million.

1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to impose an air embargo
against Iraq. Cuba was the only dissenting vote.

1991 The U.N. Security Council unanimously ordered a
worldwide arms embargo against Yugoslavia and all of its
warring factions.

1992 In Orlando, FL, a judge ruled in favor of 12-year-old
Gregory Kingsley. He had sought a divorce from his biological
parents.

1992 The Mars Observer blasted off on a mission that cost
\$980 million. The probe has not been heard from since it
reached Mars in August of 1993.

1995 Ross Perot announced that he would form the Independence
Party.

1997 NBC sportscaster Marv Albert pled guilty to assault and
battery of a lover. He was fired from NBC within hours.

as a player for the Washington Wizards. Jordan became the
president of basketball operations for the team on January
19, 2000.

2002 U.S. forces landed in Ivory Coast to aid in the rescue
foreigners trapped in a school by fighting between government
troops and rebel troops. Rebels had attempted to take over
the government on September 19.

2012 China launched its first aircraft carrier into service.

2016  smiled.

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When svchost is taking too much CPU
Saturday, September 24, 2016, 10:38 AMPosted by Administrator

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Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, Sept 24

Have FUN!
DearWebby

NC woman posts selfie and fatally rams garbage truck.
Post and BOOM.
______________________________________________________
Today, September 24, in
1869 Thousands of businessmen were financially ruined after a
panic on Wall Street. The panic was caused by an attempt to
corner the gold market by Jay Gould and James Fisk.

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
--- Euripides (484 BC - 406 BC)

is for you not to have any.
--- Katharine Whitehorn

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
--- e e cummings (1894 - 1962)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

By the time Ted arrived at the football game, the first
quarter was almost over. "Why are you so late?" his

"I had to toss a coin to decide between going to
church and coming to the game."

"How long could that have taken you?"

______________________________________________________
2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP \$29.99

______________________________________________________

During a county-wide drive to round up all unlicensed dogs, a
patrolman signalled a car to pull over to the curb. When the
the big dog sitting on the seat beside him. "Does your dog

"Oh, no," the man said, "He doesn't need one. He doesn't
drive on the highway."
______________________________________________________

Frost in the morning
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

and a Darwin Award has been earned by

Courtney Ann Sanford,
32,
High Point,
North Carolina

NC woman posts selfie and fatally rams a garbage truck

Courtney Ann Sanford, a 32-year-old from North Carolina, was
so excited when Pharrell William’s massive hit “Happy” came
on the radio that she took a selfie and posted it to Facebook
while driving.

A moment later she rammed a garbage truck, head-on.

Courtney was killed instantly. With her two college degrees
and a promising healthcare career, she would have dedicated
her life to caring for others. Instead, she will be

The post that read “The happy song makes me HAPPY” was still
visible on the phone’s screen when the police found it in the
wreckage.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Helen
RE: netsvcs using too much CPU
Dear Webby,
I just noticed this week that 50% of my cpu is
constantly being used by Microsoft netsvcs. I looked online
but the answers I saw were very confusing. Is there a way to
fix this?
Thank you,
Helen

Fist scan your machine with Malwarebystes
That should stop further damage.

Then go to Appuals
and tediously repair the damage, that has been done already.

and deleting some junk files.
It's not difficult and not rocket science, just a bit
tedious.

After that, svchost (netservices) should be way down the list
and not even show on the first page. Your machine will run
much faster and you won't have to reboot it every  day .
Have FUN!
DearWebby

A DC-10 had an exceedingly long  rollout after landing with
his approach speed a little high.

San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end of
the runway, if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit
off Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to
the airport."

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Chinese Shrimp and Vegetables

By Jackie H. [183 Posts, 62 Comments]
Chinese Shrimp and Vegetables
By Jackie H. [183 Posts, 62 Comments]
This is a great delicious healthy dish filled with aroma and
flavor of wonderful shrimp and fresh vegetables! It is a very
easy and quick dinner to make!

Ingredients:
3 cups long grain white rice, cooked as directed
1 lb either fresh raw shrimp or cooked (large)
2 Tbsp olive oil or sesame seed oil
2 medium sweet onions, thick sliced
4 stalks of celery, cut diagonally
1/2 cup carrots, sliced
1 green pepper, sliced
1 red pepper, sliced
1 small head of broccoli, broken up in pieces
1 small piece of fresh ginger, peeled, grated
1 bunch of bok choy, cut up diagonally
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 pkg fresh bean sprouts or canned
1 can water chestnuts, drained
Sauce
1/2 cup soy sauce
1/2 cup water
1 Tbsp lemon juice
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/4 tsp black pepper
2 tsp (heaping) ground ginger (to taste) a little more
if you like spicy
1/2 tsp garlic powder
2 Tbsp cornstarch
1/4 cup water

Steps:
time, stirring well until the sugar is dissolved very well.
Set aside!

Mix sauce ingredients in a cup.

Clean and prepare all the vegetables.

Using a deep covered skillet, add olive oil. Do not heat
until all the vegetable are in the skillet. You want all the
veggies crisp, or at the same doneness.

When all veggies are in the skillet (except for bean spouts
and shrimp), turn the heat on high only until the pan starts
to sizzle. Stir constantly so the oil is coating all. You
will see the veggies start to cook done.

When they start to look like they are cooking, pour the well
mixed sauce over the veggies, and stir well. If it looks like
it could use a little more sauce, just add a 1/2 cup of
water.
When the sauce starts boiling turn it down to simmer and add
the mixed cornstarch and water and stir rapidly, and remove
from the heat.
Add the shrimp, and stir well. Place the bean sprouts over
the top of the mixture and cover. They will steam and stay a
bit crisp.

Serve over a bed of long grain whire rice. Enjoy!:)

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

When I lived in a dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports

was water fights. Dousing and bombarding one another with
water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets.

Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition.

The most frequent target was the Resident Assistant.

Approaching his room one afternoon, he noticed his door was
ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the
door's edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down the pail
and emptied it into his sink, he thought, "Those crazy guys
actually thought they could fool me with that old gag!"

It was then he realized we'd loosened the drainpipe beneath
the sink and turned the first "U" part so that it was aimed
at his crotch.

could have been a love story

____________________________________________________

From Kathy:
For our flight to the Far East, my wife and I checked in at
the Korean Air counter at Los Angeles International Airport.
As the smiling Korean woman processed our tickets, my wife

"They are very good seats," the airline worker replied. "You
will be sitting next to a handsome gentleman, and your com-
panion will be seated beside a beautiful lady."
____________________________________________________

Leroy had gone to his secretary's apartment for some hot
over-time. He was astonished to wake up and find that it was
three in the morning.
"My God!" he shouted, "My wife is going to kill me!"

Unsure of how he would explain it, he ran out to the nearest
pay phone and called his wife excitedly.

"Honey, thank God !" he began, "Don't pay the ransom.
I escaped!"

"That's what YOU think, you fool!" She replied. "I paid them
\$500 to let you escape!"

____________________________________________________

If you don't have canvas I guess a hand will do.

____________________________________________________

Today on September 24 in
1789 The U.S. Congress passed the First Judiciary Act. The
act provided for an Attorney General and a lower federal
courts.

1869 Thousands of businessmen were financially ruined after a
panic on Wall Street. The panic was caused by an attempt to
corner the gold market by Jay Gould and James Fisk.

1915 "The Lamb," Douglas Fairbanks first film, was shown at
the Knickerbocker Theater in New York City, NY.

1929 The first all-instrument flight took place in New York
when Lt. James H. Doolittle guided a Consolidated NY2 Biplane
over Mitchell Field.

1933 "Roses and Drums" was heard on WABC in New York City. It
was the first dramatic presentation for radio.

1955 U.S. President Dwight Eisenhower suffered a heart attack
while on vacation in Denver, CO.

1957 U.S. President Eisenhower sent federal troops to Little
Rock, AR, to enforce school integration.

1960 The first nuclear powered aircraft carrier was launched.
The USS Enterprise set out from Newport News, VA.

1961 "The Bullwinkle Show" premiered in prime time on NBC-TV.
The show was originally on ABC in the afternoon as "Rocky
and
His Friends."

1963 The U.S. Senate ratified a treaty that limited nuclear
testing. The treaty was between the U.S., Britain, and the
Soviet Union.

1968 "The Mod Squad" premiered on ABC-TV.

1995 Three decades of Israeli occupation of West Bank cities
ended with the signing of a pact by Israel and the PLO.

1996 The United States, represented by President Clinton, and
the world's other major nuclear powers signed a
Comprehensive
Test Ban Treaty to end all testing and development of nuclear
weapons.

2001 U.S. President George W. Bush froze the assets of 27
suspected terrorists and terrorist groups.

2016  smiled.

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Fix for netsvcs using too much CPU
Friday, September 23, 2016, 09:03 AMPosted by Administrator

var gaJsHost = (("https:" == document.location.protocol) ? "https://ssl." : "http://www.");
document.write(unescape("%3Cscript src='" + gaJsHost + "google-analytics.com/ga.js' type='text/javascript'%3E%3C/script%3E"));

try {
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pageTracker._trackPageview();
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<!--
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Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, Sept 23
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Indiana woman offered meth for sale in wrong-number
text to police officer
______________________________________________________
Today, September 23, in
1780 John Andre, a British spy, was captured with papers
revealing that Benedict Arnold was going to surrender West
Point, NY, to the British.

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Life is a moderately good play with a badly written
third act.
--- Truman Capote (1924 - 1984)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of shopping. It was
found by an honest little boy and returned to her.  Looking
in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny.
When I lost my bag there was a \$20 bill in it. Now
there are twenty \$1 bills."

The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I
found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a
reward."
______________________________________________________
2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP \$29.99

______________________________________________________

After putting her children to bed, a mother changed
into old slacks and a droopy blouse, put the green
mud-pack on her face, the teeth-whitening cartridge
in her mouth and proceeded to wash her hair and
stick curlers into it.

As she heard the children getting more and more
rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she
threw a towel over her head   and stormed into their
room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.
As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old
say with a trembling voice, "Who was that monfter ?"

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Lillemor for this picture from Sweden

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

has been earned by

Shelby Eicks,
20,
Indianapolis,
Indiana

Indiana woman offered meth for sale in wrong-number
text to police officer

Authorities in Indiana said they arrested a woman accused of
sending a police officer a wrong-number text offering meth
for sale.

The Johnson County Sheriff's Office said Shelby Eicks, 20,
allegedly sent a text message offering to sell and deliver
meth to a number belonging to a New Whiteland Police
Department officer.

Undercover detectives exchanged messages with Eicks and she
allegedly sold them half an ounce of methamphetamine for \$575
at a fast food restaurant Sept. 10.

The detectives scheduled a second meeting with Eicks for
Sept. 15, and she arrived at the location with an offer to
sell 17 prescription pain pills to the investigators for
\$135.

Eicks was arrested on charges of dealing methamphetamine and
dealing a controlled substance.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Helen
RE: netsvcs using too much CPU
Dear Webby,
I just noticed this week that 50% of my cpu is
constantly being used by Microsoft netsvcs. I looked online
but the answers I saw were very confusing. Is there a way to
fix this?
Thank you,
Helen

Fist scan your machine with Malwarebystes
That should stop further damage.

Then go to Appuals
and tediously repair the damage, that has been done already.

and deleting some junk files.
It's not difficult and not rocket science, just a bit
tedious.

After that, svchost (netservices) should be way down the list
and not even show on the first page. Your machine will run
much faster and you won't have to reboot it every  day .
Have FUN!
DearWebby

The newlyweds had decided to take Amtrak's "Car Train" to
Florida, so they would have the mobility of being able to use
their own vehicle on the honeymoon.  They settled into one
of the train's upper berths together and cuddled.

As the night progressed, the new bride was heard to say quite
excitedly a number of times, "I just can't believe that
we're finally married, Dewayne."

After about the 3rd time in five minutes, a voice came out of
the dark below them: "Dammit, Dewayne! Will you please
CONVINCE her, so we can all get some sleep?"

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Peanut Butter Banana Puffed Rice Squares

By attosa [244 Posts, 548 Comments]
This is a little twist on a Krispie Treat. Using puffed rice,
bananas and peanut butter give it a lovely velvety texture.
You can substitute crisped rice for the puffed rice, if you
like. This recipe also doubles perfectly, just use a bigger
pan or dish.
Prep Time: 2
Cook Time: 2
Total Time: 20

Ingredients:
3 cups puffed rice
1 Tbsp butter
6 oz marshmallows
1/2 banana
1/3 cup peanut butter
1/3 cup chocolate chips

Steps:
Lightly grease an 8 x 6 inch baking dish and set aside. In a
microwavable bowl, heat up butter and peanut butter in 30
second increments until butter has melted.
Mix well.
Heat at 30 second increments until melted.
Peanut Butter Banana Puffed Rice Squares
Add puffed rice. Stir well until completely coated by
marshmallow peanut butter mixture.

Pour into your greased dish and press in tightly.
Put chocolate chips in a microwave safe bowl and heat at 30
second increments until melted. Pour on top of the pressed
rice mixture.

Place in the freezer for about 10 to 15 minutes to set.

To avoid the dreaded dry and mealy look of the chocolate,
don't overheat and wait for it to LOOK melted. Add a bit of
butter to the chips and stir vigorously after 45 seconds.
That way it will produce a strong, smooth and shiny cover.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Little Johnny came home from school one day and said, "Mom,
the teacher asked me today if I had any brothers or sisters."

"And what did she say when you told her you were an only

And Little Johnny said, "Well, she just let out a deep breath

and said, 'Thank goodness'."

Rising

____________________________________________________

An analyst was listening to a voluptuous beauty with a
problem of her own.

"It's liquor, doctor," she sobbed. "I'm really a very nice
girl, but just as soon as I've had a drink or two, I become
uncontrollably passionate and I want to make love to
whomever I happen to be with."

"I see," the analyst said thoughtfully. "Well, suppose I just

mix us up a couple of cocktails here and then you and I can
sit down, nice and relaxed, and discuss this compulsive
neurosis of yours."

____________________________________________________

Angus has been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender
finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave
and falls flat on his face.

He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and
maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and
falls flat on his face.

So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat
on his face again.

He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he
reaches the bed, he tries one more time to stand up. This
time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep.

He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him
shouting at him. 'So, you've been out drinking again!!'

'How did you know?' he asks.

'The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again.'

____________________________________________________

This creature looks like a poor dog
that starved to death to me.  What do you think?

____________________________________________________

Today on September 23 in

1642	The first commencement at Harvard College, in Cambridge,
MA, was held.

1779 John Paul Jones, commander of the American warship Bon
Homme, was quoted as saying "I have not yet begun to fight!"

1780 John Andre, a British spy, was captured with papers
revealing that Benedict Arnold was going to surrender West
Point, NY, to the British.

1806 The Corps of Discovery, the Lewis and Clark expedition,
reached St. Louis, MO, and ended the trip to the Pacific
Northwest.

1845 The Knickerbocker Base Ball Club of New York was formed
by Alexander Joy Cartwright. It was the first baseball team
in America.

1846 Astronomer Johann Gottfried Galle discovered the planet
Neptune.

1930 Flashbulbs were patented by Johannes Ostermeier.

1951 The first transcontinental telecast was received on the
CBS-TV from New York.

1952 The first Pay Television sporting event took place. The
Marciano-Walcott fight was seen in 49 theaters in 31 cities.

1952 Richard Nixon gave his "Checkers Speech". At the time he
was a candidate for U.S. vice-president.

1957 Nine black students withdrew from Little Rock Central
High School in Arkansas due to the white mob outside.

1964 The new ceiling painting of the Paris Opera house was
unveiled. The work was done by Russian-born artist Marc
Chagall.

1973 Overthrown Argentine president Juan Peron was returned
to power. He had been overthrown in 1955. His wife, Eva
Duarte, was the subject of the musical "Evita."

1981 The Reagan administration announced its plans for what

1986 Japanese newspapers quoted Prime Minister Yasuhiro
Nakasone as saying that minorities lowered the "intelligence
level" of America.

1990 Iraq publicly threatened to destroy Middle East oil
fields and to attack Israel if any nation tried to force it
from Kuwait.

1991 U.N. weapons inspectors find documents detailing Iraq's
secret nuclear weapons program. The find in Baghdad triggered
a standoff with authorities in Iraq.

1993 The Israeli parliament ratified the Israel-PLO accord.

1993 Blacks were allowed a role in the South African
government after a parliamentary vote.

1999 A 17-month-old girl fell 230 feet from the Capilano
Suspension Bridge in North Vancouver, British Columbia. The
girl had bruises but no broken limbs from the fall onto a
rocky ledge.

2016  smiled.

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Cheap gifts that are not tacky
Thursday, September 22, 2016, 09:42 AMPosted by Administrator

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<!--
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Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, Sept 22

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Grand Theft Arrest
______________________________________________________
Today, September 22, in
1792 The French Republic was proclaimed.

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
--- Steven Wright (1955 - )

"The squeaky wheel doesn't always get greased;
sometimes it gets replaced."
--- John Peers
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Standing at the edge of the lake, a fisherman saw a
woman flailing about in the deep water.  Another man was
standing on the shore screaming for help.

The fisherman ran over to the man.  "Help!" the other man
started, "I can't swim!  My wife's drowning!  I'll give you
\$1000 if you save her!"

The fisherman jumps in the water, swims powerfully out to
the drowning woman, puts his arm around her, and swims
back to shore.  Depositing her at the feet of the man, the
fisherman coughs up water, then says, "[cough] ok, bud,
where's my 'grand'?"

"But, this is my *mother-in-law*!"

The fisherman reaches into his pocket with a frown and
says, "Just my luck.  Ok, how much do I owe you?"

______________________________________________________

A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the countryside with
a pet dog which he loved and doted on. After many long
years of companionship, the dog finally died so Muldoon
went to the parish priest:"Father, my dear old dog is
dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?"

Father Patrick replied, "I am so very sorry to hear about
your dog's death. But, unfortunately we cannot have
services for an animal in the church. However, there's
a new denomination down the road, no telling what they
believe, but maybe they'll do something for the animal."

As he was leaving, Muldoon said, "I'll go right now. Do
you think \$500 is enough to donate for the service?"

Father Patrick: "STOP! Stop! Stop!
Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?!"

______________________________________________________

>From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

has been earned by

Landon Hall,
26,
St Petersburg,
Florida

Grand Theft Arrest

An accused thief’s distinctive “man bun” helped lead to his
apprehension in connection with the swiping of video
surveillance cameras from a Florida business, according to a
court filing.

Police charge that Landon Hall, 26, last week stole four
video cameras from the Villa Laundromat in St. Petersburg.
Hall allegedly removed the cameras from their mounts while
concealing his face with a “yellow colored pocket square” and
a shirt.

Hall’s efforts to hide his face were not successful,
according to a sheriff’s deputy who noted that, “The
defendant also had a very distinct ‘man bun.’”

Seen above, Hall was identified by a cop with whom the
suspect had multiple prior contacts. Hall was collared Sunday
afternoon for grand theft. He is locked up in lieu of \$2000
bond on the felony charge.

Hall’s lengthy rap sheet includes busts for trespassing;
retail theft; narcotics possession; robbery; loitering;
credit card fraud; burglary; and possession of drug
paraphernalia. Prior mug shots indicate that Hall’s “man bun”
is a recent tonsorial touch.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Farah
RE: Gifts that are not mushy
Dear Webby,
Do you have any tips for gifts that are not mushy?
Farah

Dear Farah
Sure. Here are some that will be appreciated for a long time:

A USB hub to cut down on the under the desk crawling, head
bashing and cussing: \$2 - \$20

Compact Flash Memory chips for cameras and floppy
replacement, depending on size: \$2.95 - \$250

A Compact Flash Memory reader for people who haven't got
one yet: \$4.95 - \$20

A wrist rest: \$5 - \$500
By the way, you can easily make a VERY nice wrist rest
yourself. Get a really soft, old leather jacket from a second

hand store. As long as one sleeve is still OK, it makes no
difference how bad the rest is.

Cut the best keyboard +2" length section from the best
sleeve.
Turn it inside out and sew one end closed. Trim the other end

so that you have a flap that you can tuck in. You may have to
do a bit of sewing there to finish the lining and the cut.
Turn it right side out again.

Take an old towel and fold it so that it will slide into the
sleeve and pad it up to about 2 inches. Slide the towel in
with a ruler and cut it to length. Tuck in the flap and it's
done. Makes a very snazzy looking and very comfortable
executive wrist rest.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with
a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back
yard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew,
she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold.

An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he
returned 1-1/2 hours later with a black eye.

"Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked.

"No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Repot Herbs to Bring Inside

By Donna [351 Posts, 366 Comments]
I always pot some of my herbs to bring in during the cold
weather, then you have fresh herbs all year long!
Here's a photo of this year's herbs to come in soon!

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A hospital posted a notice in the nurses' mess
saying:
"Remember, the first five minutes of a human
being's life are the most dangerous."

"The last five are pretty risky, too."

Animals and mirrors
____________________________________________________

A woman was having a medical problem - her husband snoring.
So she called the doctor one morning, and asked him if there
was anything he could do to relieve her "suffering."

"Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure
your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost
\$1000 down, and payments of \$450 for 24 months, plus
payments for extras."

"My goodness!" the woman exclaimed, "sounds like leasing a
new sports car!"

"Humm," the doctor murmured, "too obvious, huh?"

____________________________________________________

Here is an old classic that just came back:

The new preacher, at this first service, had a pitcher
of water and a glass on the pulpit. As he preached,he
drank until the pitcher of water was completely gone.

After the service, someone asked an old woman of the
church, "How did you like the new pastor?"

"Fine," she said, "but he's first windmill I ever saw
that ran on water."

____________________________________________________

Brilliant realistic wall murals.

____________________________________________________

Today on September 22 in
1792 The French Republic was proclaimed.

1862 U.S. President Lincoln issued the preliminary
Emancipation Proclamation. It stated that all slaves held
within rebel states would be free as of January 1, 1863.

1903 Italo Marchiony was granted a patent for the ice cream
cone.

1914 Three British cruisers were sunk by one German submarine
in the North Sea. 1,400 British sailors were killed. This
event alerted the British to the effectiveness of the
submarine.

1927 In Chicago, IL, Gene Tunney successfully defended his
heavyweight boxing title against Jack Dempsey in the famous
"long-count" fight.

1949 The Soviet Union exploded its first atomic bomb
successfully.

1955 Commercial television began in Great Britain. The rules
said that only six minutes of ads were allowed each hour and
there was no Sunday morning TV permitted.

1966 The U.S. lunar probe Surveyor 2 crashed into the moon.

1980 A border conflict between Iran and Iraq developed into a
full-scale war.

1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan addressed the U.N. General
Assembly and voiced a new hope for arms control. He also
criticized the Soviet Union for arresting U.S. journalist
Nicholas Daniloff.

1988 Canada's government apologized for the internment of
Japanese-Canadian's during World War II. They also promised
compensation.

1990 Saudi Arabia expelled most of the Yememin and Jordanian
envoys in Riyadh. The Saudi accusations were unspecific.

1992 The U.N. General Assembly expelled Yugoslavia for its
role in the war between Bosnia and Herzegovina.

1994 The U.S. upgraded its military control in Haiti.

1998 The U.S. and Russia signed two agreements. One was to
privatize Russia's nuclear program and the other was to stop
plutonium stockpiles and nuclear scientists from leaving the
country.

1998 U.S. President Clinton addressed the United Nations and
told world leaders to "end all nuclear tests for all time".
He then sent the long-delayed global test-ban treaty to the
U.S. Senate.

2016  smiled.

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Windows10 Sleep/Wake-Up problem fix
Wednesday, September 21, 2016, 10:45 AMPosted by Administrator

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Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, Sept 21

Have FUN!
DearWebby

California Man goes on cruisade With Stolen Crucifixes
______________________________________________________
Today, September 20, in
1792 The French National Convention voted to abolish
the monarchy.

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Find a man who ruins your lipstick, dear,
--- Noella T

Inanimate objects are classified scientifically
into three major categories -
those that don't work,
those that break down and
those that get lost.
--- Russell Baker
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

The wall clock in our philosophy lecture hall was about as
old as the professor and had a very interesting trait. If it
was hit with an eraser, it jumped ahead a couple of minutes.

Naturally, that special feature was abused on a regular basis

to shorten the philosophy lectures.

The professor seemed to be in his own little world and
appeared not to notice.

Then came the semester exam.
After everybody had picked up their copy of the exam booklet
and settled down to do some serious cheating the professor
walked around, collected all the erasors and sat at an empty
spot near the front, and proceeded to throw erasers at the
wall clock.

For some reason that caused the cheat sheets to rustle a lot
more nervously than usual.

______________________________________________________

A little boy was attending his first wedding.  After the
service, his cousin asked him,  "How many women can a man
marry?"

"Sixteen,"  the boy responded.

His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly.
"How did you know that?"

"Easy," the little boy said.  "All you have to do is add it
up, like the preacher said:
'Four better,  four worse,  four richer, four poorer.' "

______________________________________________________

>From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

has been earned by

Forrest Brantley,
35,
Ventura,
California

California Man goes on cruisade With Stolen Crucifixes

A California man attacked several victims with stolen
crucifixes during an early morning rampage that ended with
his arrest on robbery, burglary, and assault with a deadly
weapon charges, cops report.

According to the Ventura Police Department, Forrest Brantley,
35, broke into the gift shop of a Spanish mission early
Thursday morning and stole a pair of crucifixes.

Brantley, seen at right, then attempted to rob a victim of
their phone in the mission’s parking lot. “When the victim
refused to give Brantley the phone, Brantley hit that victim
with one of the crucifixes,” police charge.

Brantley then began walking down Ventura’s Main Street “and
did the same thing to two more victims, striking them with
the crucifix,” cops reported. He subsequently broke the car
window of a 75-year-old man who was seated inside the vehicle
and “struck the man, causing him injury.”

After breaking into a thrift store and stealing a bicycle,
Brantley “approached another victim...and battered that
victim by striking him with the crucifix.”

Officers subsequently apprehended Brantley and booked him
into the Ventura County jail on an assortment of misdemeanor
and felony charges. Locked up in lieu of \$202,500 bail,
Brantley is scheduled to appear in Superior Court this
afternoon.

The victims targeted in the crucifix attacks sustained minor
injuries, said cops, who added that the 75-year-old victim
was treated at a local hospital for a “moderate injury to the
face.”

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Bob
RE: W10 Sleep problem
Dear Webby,
I am working with the free version of Windows 10 and am
having a problem with the "SLEEP Mode".
restart my computer?  Do I hit any key on the keyboard?
Do I hit the "Window Key" which has "Start" printed on it?
Daily voter,
Bob Faria

Dear Bob
That is a fairly common bug in W10.
You have to go to good old DOS to fix it:
START
cmd

powercfg /h off

That turns off Hibernation and the W10 problem with mixing up
hibernation and Sleep. Now you should be able to wake it up
with any key or with opening the lid. You only have to do
that once to fiox it.

You can also go into the control panel, power configuration,
and turn off both Hibernation and  Sleep,
and simply hit Windows-Key  D to clear your desktop from
prying eyes, and Windows-Key D to  restore it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to
a group of first year medical students.

"As you can see," she says, "the patient limps because
his left fibula and tibia are radically arched.  Michael,
what would you do in a case like this?"

"Well," ponders the student, "I suppose I'd limp too."

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Chicken and Eggplant Bake

By Mary Ray [14 Posts, 4 Comments]

Prep Time: 20 minutes
Cook Time: 1 hr. 15 mnutes
Total Time: 1 hr. 45 minutes
Yield: 4 servings

Ingredients:
4 drumsticks
1 medium eggplant, sliced
2 eggs
3/4 cup pesto
2 cups crushed tomatoes
8 oz mozzerella
1/4 cup Parmesan

Steps:
Microwave 4 drumsticks for 5 minutes preferably in baking
dish.

Slice eggplant 1/4 inch thick. Salt the eggplant. Dip in
beaten eggs and breadcrumbs. Bake for 25 minutes at 350 F.

Layer the cooked eggplant over the legs.

Place sliced mozzarella and a sprinkle of Parmesan over that.

Add crushed canned or fresh tomatoes, salt and pepper.

Tent aluminum foil over all and seal around edges. Bake at 350 F for 45 minutes.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Lately, during a during a violent house-shaking blizzard, my
neighbor was tucking her small boy into bed. As she was
about to turn off the light he asked with a tremor in his
voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

She smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
"I can't dear," she said " I have to sleep in Daddy;s room."

A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy."

old couple trying to take picture on computer
____________________________________________________

Finding one of her students making faces at the others
on the playground, Mrs. Smith stopped quickly to
reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said,
"Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made
ugly faces, it would freeze and it would stay like
that."

Bobby looked up and replied, aghast:
"And you did it anyway!"

____________________________________________________

Reverend Smith, a respected church leader, arrived in a large
city to deliver a series of speeches. At a banquet the first
evening, he noticed some reporters in the audience.

Because he wanted to use some of the stories he told that
night in his speeches the next day, he asked the reporters to
omit them from their articles. One article that came out the
next day, written by a cub reporter, concluded with this
line: "Reverend Smith also told a number of stories that
cannot be printed."

____________________________________________________

People are AWESOME!!!

____________________________________________________

Today on September 21 in
1792 The French National Convention voted to abolish the
monarchy.

1784 "The Pennsylvania Packet and Daily Advertiser" was
published for the first time in Philadelphia. It was the
first daily paper in America.

1893 Frank Duryea took what is believed to be the first
American built gasoline-powered automobile for a test drive.
The "horseless carriage" was designed by Frank and Charles
Duryea.

1897 The New York Sun ran the "Yes, Virginia, there is a
Santa Claus" editorial. It was in response to a letter from
8-year-old Virginia O'Hanlon.

1931 Britain went off the gold standard.

1931 Japanese forces began occupying China's northeast
territory of Manchuria.

1937 J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Hobbit" was first published.

1949 Communist leaders proclaimed The People's Republic of
China.

1961 Antonio Abertondo swam the English Channel (in both
directions) in 24 hours and 25 minutes.

1964 Malta gained independence from Britain.

1966 The Soviet probe Zond 5 returned to Earth. The
spacecraft completed the first unmanned round-trip flight to
the moon.

1973 Henry Kissinger was confirmed by the U.S. Senate to
become 56th Secretary of State. He was the first naturalized
citizen to hold the office of Secretary of State.

1981 Belize gained full independence from Great Britain.

1982 Amin Gemayel was elected president of Lebanon. He was
the brother of Bashir Gemayel who was the president-elect
when he was assassinated.

1984 General Motors and the United Auto Workers union reached
an agreement that would end the previous six days of spot
strikes, and end the the profitability of General Motors.

1985 North and South Korea opened their borders for their
family reunion program.

1993 Russian President Boris N. Yeltsin announced that he was
ousting the Communist-dominated Congress. The action was
effectively seizing all state power.

1996 The board of all-male Virginia Military Institute voted

2016  smiled.

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Tuesday, September 20, 2016, 09:41 AMPosted by Administrator

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Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, Sept 20

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Chicago man arrested in shooting, robbing elderly
man who was watering lawn
______________________________________________________
Today, September 20, in
1519 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan left Spain to
find a route to the Spice Islands of Indonesia. Magellan was
killed during the trip, but one of his ships eventually made
the journey.

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
To invent, you need a good imagination
and a pile of junk.
--- Thomas A. Edison (1847 - 1931)
-----------------
I agree 100%. Fencing in the village dumps hurt progress
more than the stopping of the moon exploration program.
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________
excited just thinking about his future.

He gets into a taxi and the driver says, "How are you on this
lovely day?"

"I'm the Class of 2016, just graduated from Harvard and I
just can't wait to go out there and see what the world has in
store for me."

The driver looks back to shake the young man's hand and says,
"Congratulations, I'm Mitch, Class of 1969."

______________________________________________________

Diet is something most of us do religiously.
We eat what we want and pray we don't gain weight.

______________________________________________________

>From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

has been earned by

Antoine Davis,
30,
Chicago,
Illinois

Chicago man arrested in shooting, robbing elderly
man who was watering lawn

Surveillance footage of a robber knocking down a 71-year-old
man BEFORE shooting the 71 year old man on the ground and
taking his wallet as he watered plants outside his Marquette
Park home, spurred a family member to turn in Antonie Davis,
a felon with 3 convictions, who's now charged with the crime,
prosecutors said Saturday.

30-year-old Antonie Davis has been charged with one felony
count of robbery and one felony count of aggravated battery.
He was arrested yesterday.

Police say Davis shot and robbed 71-year-old Fred LaGuardia,
as he was watering his lawn in front of his Marquette Park
home on Sept. 6th.

The brutal attack on LaGuardia’s was recorded on a
surveillance video. It shows him watering his lawn, when two
men on bikes rode by.  They return and one of the suspects
tries to rob him.  He knocks the old man down, and then
shoots him and robs the wounded man.

LaGuardia was taken to the hospital by neighbors,
who watched the incident..
By the way, Fred LaGuardia is black too.
BL&M

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Dana
RE: What size monitor?
Dear Webby,
What size monitor do you recommend? I do wear glasses,
if that makes a difference.
Thanks, Dana

Dear Dana
Keep in mind that you can never replace your eyes.
Check out how much new eye glasses cost.

Then get a monitor that costs the same amount.
move, and the longer your eyes will last as shown by longer
periods between needing different glasses.

If necessary, also get a video card that will allow you a
resolution of at least 1920 x 1080.

For every dollar you scrimp on the monitor and video card,
you will spend two at the optometrist.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on
their first morning in Ski Camp. He was surprised to see one
"Why did you bring an umbrella to Ski camp?"

The kid answered, "It was easier to take the umbrella than
to explain high altitude weather to mother."

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Better meatloaf

By suz123 [2 Posts, 36 Comments]
Make your meatloaf with any recipe you like best, then top
with laying strips of bacon across the top. As it bakes, the
juices of the bacon seep into the meat just enough to give it
a real nice flavor. Use as many strips of bacon as desired.
It's yummy.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Three patients in a psychiatric institution prepare for an
examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients
pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital.
However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for
five more years.

The doctor takes the three patients to the empty swimming
pool, and asks the first patient to jump in.

The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks
both arms.

The second patient jumps and breaks both legs.

The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.

"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why you

"Well Doc, I can't swim!"
------------------------
You gotta be nuts to go see a shrink!

old couple trying to take picture on computer
____________________________________________________

minutes. When she returned, she found the children in perfect

order. Everybody was sitting absolutely quiet.

She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen
anything like it before. This is wonderful. But, please tell
me, what came over all of you? Why are you so well-behaved
and quiet?"

Finally, after much urging, a little girl said, "Well, one
time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet,
you would drop dead! We want to see how you do that."

____________________________________________________

Little Johnny burst through the front door with a smile on
his face. Surprised that Johnny was home so early, his mother

asked, "Why are you home from school so early?"

question correctly."

"Oh, really? What was the question?" his mother asked.

"Who threw the chalk board eraser at the teacher?"

____________________________________________________

I would like to know the answer to this mystery!

____________________________________________________

Today on September 20 in
1519 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan left Spain to
find a route to the Spice Islands of Indonesia. Magellan was
killed during the trip, but one of his ships eventually made
the journey.

1870 The Papal States came under the control of Italian
troops, leading to the unification of Italy.

1884 The Equal Rights Party was formed in San Francisco, CA.

1921 KDKA in Pittsburgh, PA, started a daily radio newscast.
It was one of the first in the U.S.

1946 The first Cannes Film Festival premiered. The original
premier was delayed in 1939 due to World War II.

1946 WNBT-TV in New York became the first station to promote
a motion picture. Scenes from "The Jolson Story" were shown.

1962 James Meredith, a black student, was blocked from
enrolling at the University of Mississippi by Governor Ross
R. Barnett. Meredith was later admitted.

1963 U.S. President John F. Kennedy proposed a joint U.S.-
Soviet expedition to the moon in a speech to the U.N. General
Assembly.

1967 The ocean liner Queen Elizabeth 2 (QE2) was launched. It
went out of service on November 27, 2008.

1977 The first of the "boat people" arrived in San Francisco
from Southeast Asia under a new U.S. resettlement program.

1982 U.S. President Ronald Reagan announced that the U.S.,
France, and Italy were going to send peacekeeping troops back
to Beirut.

1989 F.W. de Klerk was sworn in as president of South Africa.

1991 U.N. weapons inspectors left for Iraq in a renewed
search for Iraqi weapons of mass destruction.

1992 French voters approved the Maastricht Treaty.

1995 AT&T announced that it would be splitting into three
companies. The three companies were AT&T, Lucent
Technologies, and NCR Corp.

1995 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to drop the
national speed limit. This allowed the states to decide their
own speed limits.

2016  smiled.

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How to print or save a content list of SD cards
Monday, September 19, 2016, 09:55 AMPosted by Administrator

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Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, Sept 19

Have FUN!
DearWebby

BL&M Chicago, due to police stepping back and not profiling,
a shooting every 2 hours. 3000 so far this year.
______________________________________________________
Today, September 19, in
1777 The Battle of Saratoga was won by American soldiers
during the Revolutionary War.

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Character is what you have left when you've lost
everything you can lose.
--- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995)

I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.
--- Wilson Mizner
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

>From Rod
It has been determined that having sex before participating
in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not
impair the athlete's performance.

In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries.
After sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Oops,
gotta run!"

---------------------
Awww, we are not all that bad!
Some of us stick around for a smoke and a coffee, and
sometimes even for breakfast!

______________________________________________________

A man was going to attend a costume party dressed in a
costume of the devil. On his way it began to rain, so he
darted into a church where a revival meeting was in progress.

At the sight of his devil's costume, people began to scatter
through the doors and windows. One lady got her coat sleeve
caught on the arm of one of the seats and, as the man came
closer, she pleaded, "Satan, I've been a member of this
church for 20 years, but really, when you look at all the
gossiping I've done, you'll see that I've really been on your
side all the time."

______________________________________________________

>From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

has been earned by
Chicago BLM

The Black Body Count Rises as Chicago Police Step Back

In 2016 nearly 3,000 people have been shot in the city, an
average of one victim every two hours.

Five hundred and sixteen people had been murdered.

With the police stepping back to reduce claims by Black Lies
& Murder of profiling and targeting blacks, gun homicides and
non-fatal shootings were up 47% over the same period of
2015,
which had seen a significant rise in crime over 2014.

Some examples: Aug. 14, a Chicago police officer’s son had
been killed in a shooting while sitting on his family’s
porch, one of 92 people killed in Chicago during the worst
month for homicides in the Windy City since July 1993. The
August victims who survived included 10-year-old Tavon
Tanner, shot while playing in front of his house (the bullet
ripped through Tavon’s pancreas, intestines, kidney and
spleen); an 8-year-old girl shot in the arm while crossing
the street; and two 6-year-old girls.

On Sept. 6, a 71-year-old man was accosted by a teen on a
bike while watering his lawn. The robber demanded the man’s
wallet and when he refused shot him in the abdomen, then
grabbed his wallet before pedaling away.

Syria sounds a lot safer by comparison.
They don't have Black Lies & Murder.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Gary
RE: How do I print or save the contents of an SD card?
Dear Webby,
I agree that large SD cards are mainly for kids to brag
use. However, even with my relatively small SD cards, I wish
there was a way to print a list of folders and their
contents, or better yet, produce a text file of that.
Is there such a thing?

Thanks
Gary

Dear Gary
There sure are a few ways to do that.
I prefer the good old DOS method. I have used that since we
had 360 KB 5 1/4" floppies, and no Windows yet.
Hit START, type cmd and hit Enter.
The scary black DOS screen appears. Yes, deep down inside
there is still DOS. If you don't like the black screen, type
for example: color 9e
to get yellow text on blue
color /? gives you all the color numbers.

OK, now that you are comfortable with DOS, go to the SD card,
for example F:\
(The file explorer will tell you which "drive" it is)
Type:
F:
DOS jumps there and shows
F:\>
Now type
dir /s
the /s means including SUBdirectories.
When you hit ENTER after typing dir /s, the names of the
subdirectories with the files in them fly by at the insane
speed, that you get only in DOS.

You COULD type
dir /s /p to get one page at a time, hit ENTER for the next
page.
That is handy for checking if you got the right card.
To get all that into a usable file, type
dir /s > c:\sd1.txt
(or anything.txt)
and hit ENTER.
Huh? nothing happened?
type
type c:\sd1.txt
(In DOS "type" means type it to the screen)
It will show the file content at the same Star Wars speed.
OK, so you know you got it all in a file.
You can now open that text file with NoteTab, NotePad,
In the spreadsheet you can sort and color files according to
your plans. RED for obsolete, BLUE for moving to another
card, GREEN for moving to a different folder on this card,
YELLOW for asking spouse whether that file is obsolete or
not, and so on.
That gives you an action plan.

From the spreadsheet you can of course format the whole list
for printing, and send it to the printer.

If you are scared of DOS, even though it is quite nice and
civilized and has been around since the 80s, there are

One is Directoryprinter at

It lets you do almost all of the stuff, that you can do in
DOS. However, I would strongly advise that you first do it in
DOS. That gives you a much better understanding of what you
need and what goes on. After that, mousing around with that
program will make a lot more sense.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

A surgeon came to see his patient on the morning after her
operation. The young woman asked him, somewhat hesitantly,
how long it would be before she could resume her sex life.

"I really haven't thought about it," gulped the stunned
surgeon. "You're the first patient who's asked me that
question after cosmetic surgery on the nose!"

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Better meatloaf

By suz123 [2 Posts, 36 Comments]
Make your meatloaf with any recipe you like best, then top
with laying strips of bacon across the top. As it bakes, the
juices of the bacon seep into the meat just enough to give it
a real nice flavor. Use as many strips of bacon as desired.
It's yummy.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
I was just visiting some friends who have a farm. I was
watching this one rooster chasing after this hen, when the
friend's wife came out to feed them. The rooster stopped
chasing the hen at once and ran over to begin eating.

I just stood there thinking to myself, "I hope I never get
THAT hungry."

which is the guilty dog?

____________________________________________________

Poor Ole was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his
chickens fenced in. The neighbor kept telling him the
chickens had the right to go where they wanted. But the birds
were ruining Ole's prize-winning flowerbeds.

Two weeks later, a friend visited Ole and noticed his
flowerbeds were doing great. The flowers were even beginning
keep his hens in his own yard?"

Ole replied, "Easy! One night I hid a dozen eggs under a bush
by my flower bed, and the next day I let my neighbor see me
gather them.

He built a fence that morning and I haven't been bothered by
his hens since."

____________________________________________________

Ages Of Women

Age 8: Looks at herself and sees; Cinderella/Sleeping Beauty

Age 15:  Looks at herself and sees; Cinderella/Sleeping
Beauty/ Movie Star, or if she is PMSing; sees pimples/ugly
("Mom I can't go to school like this!")

Age 20:  Looks at herself and sees; "too fat/too thin, too
short/too tall, too straight/too curly" - but she decides she
is going out anyway.

Age 30:  Looks at herself and sees; "too fat/too thin, too
short/too tall, too straight/too curly" - but decides she
doesn't have time to fix it, so she's going out anyway.

Age 40:  Looks at herself and sees; "too fat/too thin, too
short/too tall, too straight/too curly"  -but says,
"At least, I'm clean" and goes out anyway.

Age 50:  Looks at herself and sees; 'I am" - and goes
wherever she wants to.

Age 60:  Looks at herself and reminds herself of all the
people who can't even see themselves in the mirror
anymore;...goes out and conquers the world.

Age 70:  Looks at herself and sees wisdom, laughter and
ability - goes out and enjoys life.

Age 80:  Doesn't bother to look.  Just puts on a red hat and
goes out into the world.

Age 90:  Can't see enough to tell the difference between her
Florida drivers license and her credit card. So she takes
them both as she drives to the mall,  and doesn't worry about
it!
____________________________________________________

Look out!  Sand storm coming!

I drove from Arizona up through Monument valley to Utah
about eight or nine times. At least half a dozen times there
was a sand storm somewhere between Tuba City and the upper
end of Monument Valley. At the end of April, begin of May,
when the desert blooms, you can pretty well count on a sand
storm there. It is rather spooky, you drive along slowly
because visibility is just about 50 feet, and suddenly a huge
dark shadow appears like a ghost ship. One of the monuments.
Even though they are farther away than 50 feet, when they
suddenly block the sun, they turn off the light in the brown
dust.
DearWebby
____________________________________________________

Today on September 19 in
1356 The Battle of Poitiers was fought between England and
France. Edward "the Black Prince" captured France's King
John.

1777 The Battle of Saratoga was won by American soldiers
during the Revolutionary War.

1819 John Keats wrote "Ode to Autumn."

1876 Melville R. Bissell patented the carpet sweeper.

1893 In New Zealand, the Electoral Act 1893 was consented to
giving all women in New Zealand the right to vote.

1955 Argentina President Juan Peron was ousted after a revolt
by the army and navy.

1957 The U.S. conducted its first underground nuclear test.
The test took place in the Nevada desert.

1959 Nikita Khruschev was not allowed to visit Disneyland due
to security reasons. Khrushchev reacted angrily.

1960 Cuban leader Fidel Castro, in New York to visit the
United Nations, checked out of the Shelburne Hotel angrily
after a dispute with the management.

1982 Scott Fahlman became the first person to use :-) in an
online message.

1983 Lebanese army units defending Souk el-Gharb were
supported in their effort by two U.S. Navy ships off Beirut.

1984 China and Britain completed a draft agreement
transferring Hong Kong from British to Chinese rule by 1997.

1986 U.S. health officials announced that AZT, though an
experimental drug, would be made available to AIDS patients.

1988 Israel successfully launched the Horizon-I test
satellite.

1990 Iraq began confiscating foreign assets of countries that
were imposing sanctions against the Iraqi government.

1992 The U.N. Security Council recommended suspending
Yugoslavia due to its role in the Bosnian civil war.

1994 U.S. troops entered Haiti peacefully to enforce the
return of exiled President Jean-Bertrand Aristide.

1995 The U.S. Senate passed a welfare overhaul bill.

1995 The commander of American forces in Japan and the U.S.
ambassador apologized for the rape of a schoolgirl committed
by three U.S. servicemen.

1996 The government of Guatemala and leftist rebels signed a
peace treaty to end their long war.

2002 In Ivory Coast, around 750 rebel soldiers attempted to
overthrow the government. U.S. troops landed on September
25th to help move foreigners, including Americans, to safer
areas.

2003 It was reported that AOL Time Warner was going to drop
"AOL" from its name and be known as Time Warner Inc. The
company had announced its merger and name change on January
10, 2000.

2016  smiled.

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Size of SD cards
Sunday, September 18, 2016, 11:51 AMPosted by Administrator

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<!--
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Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, Sept 18

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Perverts Roundup in Florida
______________________________________________________
Today, September 18, in
1759 The French formally surrendered Quebec to the British.

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose.
--- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

>From Carter
why did the cow go back into the marijuana patch?
It was the pot calling the cattle back.

______________________________________________________

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because
he is not sure if  sex is work or play.

So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this
question.
After consulting the Bible,  the priest says,  " My son,
after an
exhaustive search,  I am positive that sex is work and is
therefore not permitted on Sundays."

The man thinks: " What does a priest know about sex?"
So he goes to a Lutheran minister,  who after all is a
married
man and experienced in this matter.
"Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath !"

Not pleased with the reply,  he seeks out a Rabbi, a man of
thousands of years tradition and knowledge.
The Rabbi briefly ponders the question,  then states,
"My son, sex is definitely play."

The man replies,  "Rabbi,  how can you be so sure when so
many others tell me sex is work?"

The Rabbi softly speaks, "My son, if sex were work,
my wife would have the maid do it."

______________________________________________________

Igyazu Falls from Rick
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

has been earned by

David Donald Hoppenjan, 52, a pastor at the First United
Methodist Church of Pace
Calvin James Pearson, 31, Pensacola
David Oloms, 24, Pensacola
Grayson Blanton, 18, 400 block of Roberts Avenue, Pensacola.
Alexander Croyle, 22, 400 block of Roberts Avenue, Pensacola.
Alfred Foster, 71, 1200 block of South Sutton Trace Court,
Mobile, Alabama.
Christopher Foster, 24, 10100 block of Weldwood Drive,
Meridian, Mississippi.
Devin Gilchris, 21, 200 block of Ruby Avenue, Pensacola.
Adelardo Gonzales, 51, 200 block of Aquamarine Avenue,
Pensacola.
Jeff Harrison, 26, first block of East Pearl Avenue,
Pensacola.
Justin Hill, 28, 700 block of East Fairfield Drive,
Pensacola.
David Hoppenjan, 52, 5600 block of Thistledown Court, Pace.
Erik Huber, 29, 300 block of MacArthur Avenue, Biloxi,
Mississippi.
Alex Johnson, 19, 4800 block of Chumuckla Highway, Pace.
Mison Johnson, 22, 2900 block of Patch Avenue, Crestview.
Bradly Jones, 46, 21200 block of Deer Circle, Lake View,
Alabama.
Darius Lambert, 33, 400 block of Evening Falls Drive,
Pensacola.
Claudio Mistri, 56, 7100 block of North Blue Angel Parkway,
Pensacola.
David Olmos, 24, 8800 block of Pine Forest Road, Pensacola.
Calvin Pearson, 31, 300 block of West Ensley Street,
Pensacola.
Charles Phillips, 53, 9200 block of Bellingrath Road, Mobile,
Alabama.
Jose Ramirez-Magos, 51, 7000 block of West Lee Circle,
Irvington, Alabama.
Frank Rhobotham, 68, 1500 block of East Blount Street,
Pensacola.
Jackson Silliman, 21, 3300 block of Silkwood Lane, Pace.

Perverts Roundup in Florida

Operation Undertow was a 5-day long undercover sting
operation targeting people who solicited sex with minors via
the internet. The sting was conducted by multiple agencies
including several in Escambia and Santa Rosa counties.
Special to the News Journal

Local law enforcement officials have arrested 22 people
during an undercover sting operation targeting adults who
used the internet to solicit sex with children.

The arrests were announced at a multi-agency press conference
at the Pensacola Police Department Wednesday afternoon. The
individuals taken into custody were mostly from Pensacola,
but the pool of suspects also included men from Alabama,
Mississippi and a pastor from Pace.

The sting, dubbed "Operation Undertow," took place from Sept.
7 to 11. According to the PPD, undercover agents posed as
teenagers on various websites and were contacted by suspects
who agreed to meet the "teens" for sex. The suspects were
arrested when they arrived at the arranged meeting location.

The videos of the arrests were actually quite funny.
As soon as the perverts came to the door, where they expected
a cooperative minor, and identified themselves, the door
burst open and a bunch of big cops tackled the pervert like
they were cage wrestlers, tossed them inside and piled on
them after slamming them to the ground. They immediately
closed the door and only the sound coming through the closed
door hinted at the beating the perverts got.

Same with the next one, and the next, and so on.

The paperwork afterward must have been a real chore.

"This effort of arresting and prosecuting these individuals
helps to stop future abuse," Pensacola Chief of Police David
Alexander said at the press conference. "This was five days
of hard work for our officers, dispatchers, support personnel
and personnel from other agencies."

David Donald Hoppenjan, 52, a pastor at the First United
Methodist Church of Pace. According to his arrest report,
Hoppenjan allegedly traveled to two locations with the
intention of having intercourse with a 14-year-old boy.
Calvin James Pearson, 31, and David Oloms, 24, both of
Pensacola, who allegedly traveled together to have
intercourse with who they believed to be a 14-year-old girl.
Oloms reportedly consented to a search of his vehicle, and
investigators found "a luggage bag full of various sex
equipment, bondage and sadomasochistic equipment," according
to their arrest reports.
Bradly Davis Jones, 46, who was allegedly carrying a baggie
of methamphetamine and a glass smoking pipe when he arrived
to have intercourse with a 14-year-old girl. While arranging
the meeting with undercover investigators, Jones allegedly
wrote, "I'm the only one who could potentially do anything
illegal, but I'm not ashamed of anything I do, and I'm
willing to suffer any consequences I deserve."

State Attorney Bill Eddins said at the press conference that
depending on their charges, the individuals arrested in the
sting could face between five years and life in prison.
Alexander said law enforcement agencies are still following
leads, and more arrests may be forthcoming.

The Pensacola Police Department, in coordination with the
North Florida Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force,
worked the investigation with the following agencies:
Escambia County, Walton County, Okaloosa County and Brevard
County sheriff’s offices; State Attorney’s Office; Florida
Department of Law Enforcement; Homeland Security; U.S.
Marshal’s Service; Gainesville, Tallahassee, Gulf Breeze,
Panama City and Cocoa police departments; Escambia Jail; and
the Naval Criminal Investigative Service.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Angela
RE: Memory card sizes
Dear Webby,
SD cards have become quite cheap, and hold so much more than
the silly CDs or the unpredictable CDR disks.
What size do you recommend?
Angela

Dear Angela
I use the cheap 2 GB chips, and occasionally 4 GB, when I
can't get 2 GB.
Anything bigger is too hard to inventory.
What all is on card #7 ?
Even if you print tiny return address labels with the main
topic, it still gets confusing.
Luckily it is easy enough to copy stuff back onto the
computer and from there onto other SD cards.
However, it scares me to think what all you could have on a
128 GB card, and then misplace it.
What all was on it?

Have FUN!
DearWebby

What is a Cat?
1.  Cats do what they want.
2.  They rarely listen to you.
3.  They're totally unpredictable, except that they will
always
be scheming to make you feel guilty.
4.  They whine when they are not happy.
5.  When you want to play, they want to be alone.
6.  When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7.  They expect you to cater to their every whim.
8.  They're moody.
9.  They leave hair everywhere.
10. They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.

Conclusion:  Cats are tiny women in little fur coats.

What is a Dog?
1.  Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable

piece of furniture in the house or yard.
2.  They can hear a package of food opening half a block way,
but have selective hearing when you're in the same room.
3.  They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4.  They growl when they are not happy.
5.  When you want to play, they want to play.
6.  When you want to be alone, they stalk off and pout.
7.  They are great at begging.
8.  They will love you forever if you pet them every day.
9.  They leave their toys everywhere.
10. They can be trained.

Conclusion:  Dogs are tiny men in little fur coats.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Using Leftover Pieces of Soap

By Nana Lee [6 Posts, 3 Comments]
I keep those slivers of soap in my sewing box. The skinny,
thin slivers work great for marking my seam, or to make an X
on the material. It washes off so easily. I've used it for
crafts, or for sewing.
It is also good to rub over itchy seams made by thick thread
or those itchy tags. Just rub it over the itchy spot and it
smooths it where it doesn't irritate your skin.
By Nana Lee

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and
stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?

Student: Brotherly love.

children sing - You Raise Me Up

____________________________________________________

A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell
you your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin.

"Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small,
white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a
great person."

"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."

____________________________________________________

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the
Pearly Gates.  St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in
now, but our computer is down.  You'll have to go back to
Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests.  So
what else would you like to be?"

The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle,
soaring above the Rocky Mountains."

"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.

The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks,
"Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?"

"No, I told you the computer's down.  There's no way we can
keep track of what you're doing."

"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted
to be a stud."

"So be it," says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.

A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St.
Peter to recall the two priests.  "Will you have any trouble

"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter.  "He's
somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles.  But the
second one could prove to be more difficult."

"He's on a snow tire, somewhere in Tasmania."

____________________________________________________

The 2016 National Geographic Nature Photographer of the Year Contest.

____________________________________________________

Today on September 18 in
1759 The French formally surrendered Quebec to the British.

1769 It was reported, by the Boston Gazette, that the first
piano had been built in North America. The instrument was
named the spinet and was made by John Harris.

1789 Alexander Hamilton negotiated and secured the first loan
for the United States. The Temporary Loan of 1789 was repaid
on June 8, 1790 at the sum of \$19,608.81.

1810 Chile declared its independence from Spain.

1830 The "Tom Thumb", the first locomotive built in America,
raced a horse on a nine-mile course. The horse won when the

1837 Tiffany & Co. was founeded in New York City.

1850 The Fugitive Slave Act was declared by the U.S.
Congress. The act allowed slave owners to claim slaves that

1891 Harriet Maxwell Converse became the first white woman to
ever be named chief of an Indian tribe. The tribe was the Six
Nations Tribe at Towanda Reservation in New York.

1895 Daniel David Palmer gave the first chiropractic

was later changed to CBS.

1940 "You Can't Go Home Again" by Thomas Wolfe was published
by Harper and Brothers.

1946 Mound Metalcraft was founded in Mound, MN. On November
23, 1955, the company changed its name to Tonka Toys
Incorporated.

1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush said that he would send
warplanes to escort U.N. helicopters that were searching for
hidden Iraqi weapons if it became necessary.

1994 Haiti's military leaders agreed to depart on October
15th. This action averted a U.S.-led invasion to force them
out of power.

1997 Ted Turner, U.S. Media magnate, announced that over the
next ten years he would give \$1 billion to the United
Nations.

1998 The FDA approved a once-a-day easier-to-swallow
medication for AIDS patients.

2016  smiled.

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Free anti virus program
Saturday, September 17, 2016, 08:49 AMPosted by Administrator

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//-->

Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, Sept 17

Have FUN!
DearWebby

North Carolina Mother And Son Face Felony Incest Charges
______________________________________________________
Today, September 17, in
1394 In France, Charles VI published an ordinance that
expelled all Jews from France.

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
He who praises you for what you lack wishes
to take from you what you have.
--- Don Juan Manuel (1282 - 1349)

The noblest of all dogs is the hot-dog;
it feeds the hand that bites it.
--- Laurence J. Peter, 1919 - 1990
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Q: How can you tell the married men at a wedding reception?
A: They're the ones dancing with everyone but their wives.

Q: What is a wedding tragedy?
A: To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no
money.

Q: How do I make my wife stop buying all these gloves?
A: Buy her a nice ring.

Q: What's long and hard and a Polish man gives it to his
bride on their wedding night?
A: A last name.

______________________________________________________

A drunk goes to the doctor complaining of tiredness and
got a sore butt, and I'm not sleeping. What is it, Doc?"

The doctor examines him thoroughly and says, "I can't find
anything wrong. It must be the drinking."

"Fair enough," replied the lush. "I'll come back after you
sober up."

______________________________________________________

Yesterday's Pictrue was indeed from and by Betty on
Vancouver island. Thanks Betty!

Cape Elizabeth, Maine
From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

has been earned by

Melissa Nell Kitchens, 44,
Shaun Thomas Pfeiffer, 25,
Weaverville,
North Carolina

North Carolina Mother And Son Face Felony Incest Charges

North Carolina woman, 45, arrested for having sex with 25-
year-old son

A mother and son in Buncombe County, North Carolina, were
arrested last week on charges of felony incest.

Arrest warrants allege that Melissa Nell Kitchens, 44, of
Weaverville, engaged in sex sometime last month with her son
Shaun Thomas Pfeiffer, 25, last month.

If convicted, each person could spend up to three years in
jail, according to the New York Daily News.

Pfeiffer was previously arrested on August 28 for various
charges including indecent liberties with a child stemming
from an incident that took place Aug. 13, as well as
communicating threats, and being intoxicated and disruptive,
according to Citizen-Times.com.

Jail records show that both suspects are being held at the
Buncombe County Jail. Kitchens is being held on a \$5,000 bail
bond, while Pfeiffer’s bail has been set at \$70,500.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Evan
RE: Free Virus Scanner
Dear Webby,
Do you know of a free virus scan that can be used quickly
without a big insatallation?
Evan

Dear Evan
There are a lot of anti virus products, that are not
good enough to sell for actual money. If you don't have any
credit card or financial information or anything important on
you machine, try AVG.

Personally, I use McAfee.
With this link you get 50% off.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Saw a funny bumper sticker today:

Womens Libbers may not be cuter
but they sure are much funnier

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Using Leftover Pieces of Soap

By Nana Lee [6 Posts, 3 Comments]
I keep those slivers of soap in my sewing box. The skinny,
thin slivers work great for marking my seam, or to make an X
on the material. It washes off so easily. I've used it for
crafts, or for sewing.
It is also good to rub over itchy seams made by thick thread
or those itchy tags. Just rub it over the itchy spot and it
smooths it where it doesn't irritate your skin.
By Nana Lee

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
The CIA loses track of one of its operatives, and so calls in
one of their top spy hunters.

The CIA boss says, "All I can tell you is that his name is
Murphy and that he's somewhere in Ireland. If you think
you've located him, tell him the code words,
'The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning.'

If it's really him, he'll answer, 'Yes, and for mist at noon
as well.'"

So the spy hunter goes to Ireland and stops in a pub in
Dublin. He says to the bartender, "Maybe you can help me. I'm
looking for a guy named Murphy."

The bartender replies, "You're going to have to be more
specific because, around here, there are lots of guys named
Murphy.

There's Murphy the Baker, who runs the pastry shop on the
next block.  There's Murphy the Banker, who's president of
our local savings bank.  There's Murphy the Blacksmith, who
works at the stables.  And, as a matter of fact, my name is
Murphy, too."

Hearing this, the spy hunter figures he might as well try the
code words on bartender, so he says, "The weather forecast
calls for  mist in the morning."

The bartender replies, "Oh, you're looking for Murphy the
Spy. He lives right down the street. He usually doesn't come
in here till around 8 PM, but he is on vacation in Honduras.
Try any of the hotels in Tegucigulpa that have topless
waitresses during Happy Hour."

cats - brain freeze

____________________________________________________

in New York for a pep talk and  party.

As they staggered out of the party, Bill started crossing the
street, while Gary accidently stumbled into a subway
entrance.  When Bill reached the other side he turned to
notice Gary emerging from the subway stairs.
"Where've you been?" Bill slurred.
"I don't know" replied Gary "but you should see the train
set that guy has in his basement!"

____________________________________________________

In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory
woman called on the manager and asked him,
"Why is it you limit your employees to married men?
Is it because you think women are weak, dumb,
cantankerous...or what?"

"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied.  "It is because
our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed
to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths
shut,

and don't pout when I yell at them."

____________________________________________________

The 2016 National Geographic Nature Photographer of the Year Contest.

____________________________________________________

Today on September 17 in
1394 In France, Charles VI published an ordinance that
expelled all Jews from France.

1778 The United States signed its first treaty with a Native
American tribe, the Delaware Nation.

1787 The Constitution of the United States of America was
signed by delegates at the Constitutional Convention.

1862 The Battle of Antietam took place during the American
Civil War. More than 23,000 men were killed, wounded, or
missing. The Rebel advance was ended with heavy losses to
both armies.

1872 Phillip W. Pratt patented a version of the sprinkler
system.

1911 The first transcontinental airplane flight started. It
took C.P. Rogers 82 hours to fly from New York City to

1930 Construction on Boulder Dam, later renamed Hoover Dam,
began in Black Canyon, near Las Vegas, NV.

1932 Sir Malcolm Campbell set a speed record when he reached
276.27 mph over a half mile.

Poland on September 1.

1944 Operation "Market Garden" was launched by Allied
paratroopers during World War II. The landing point was
behind German lines in the Netherlands.

1962 U.S. space officials announced the selection of Neil A.
Armstrong and eight others as new astronauts.

1972 "M*A*S*H" premiered on CBS-TV.

1976 NASA unveiled the space shuttle Enterprise in Palmdale,
CA.

1984 9,706 immigrants became naturalized citizens when they
were sworn in by U.S. Vice-President George Bush in Miami,
FL. It was the largest group to become U.S. citizens.

1984 Gordon P. Getty was named the richest person in the U.S.
His fortune was \$4.1 billion.

1988 Lt. Gen. Prosper Avril declared himself president of
Haiti after President Henri Hamphy was ousted.

1991 The United Nations General Assembly opened its 46th
session. The new members were Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania,
North and South Korea, Micronesia and the Marshall Islands.

1992 Lawrence Walsh called a halt to his probe of the Iran-
Contra scandal. The investigation had lasted 5 1/2 years.

1995 Hong Kong held its last legislative election before
being taken over by China in 1997.

1997 Northern Ireland's main Protestant party joined in peace
talks. It was the first time that all of the major players

1998 The United States government offered a reward for the
capture of Haroun Fazil for his role in the U.S. Embassy
bombing in Kenya on August 7, 1998.

1998 The U.S. announced a plan that would compensate victims
in the Kenya and Tanzania U.S. Embassy bombings on August 7,
1998.

2016  smiled.

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Fake lottery win
Friday, September 16, 2016, 06:14 AMPosted by Administrator

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Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, Sept 16
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Enjoy the full moon and warm fall night!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Former Ohio mayor admits raping four-year-old girl
but claims victim initiated sex and was
willing participant.
______________________________________________________
Today, September 16, in
1620 The Mayflower departed from Plymouth, England. The ship
arrived at Provincetown, MA, on November 21st and then at
Plymouth, MA, on December 26th. There were 102 passengers
onboard.

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a
profoundly sick society.
--- Krishnamurti

"Blessed are the forgetful:  for they
get the better even of their blunders."
--- Nietzsche

I am not young enough to know everything.
--- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your
belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly
among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or
spouses."

______________________________________________________

A young Jewish lad entered Notre Dame to play football. At
the end of the season, he returned home. As luck would have
it, he ran into his Rabbi at the airport.

The rabbi asked, "Are they trying to convert you at South
Bend?"

The youngster said, "Of course not, Father!"

______________________________________________________

From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor

has been earned by

Richard Keenan,

Hubbard,
Ohio

Former Ohio mayor admits raping four-year-old girl
but claims victim initiated sex and was
willing participant.

Richard Keenan, who has described himself as a "dedicated"
Christian, confessed to abusing the girl over three years

A former city mayor has admitted raping a four-year-old girl
but claimed the victim was a "willing participant", it has
been reported.

Richard Keenan, who has described himself in the past as a
"dedicated" Christian, is facing multiple counts of rape and
attempted rape of a child.

The case has shocked the small city of Hubbard in Ohio,
United States, where Keenan served as mayor in 2010 and 2011.

He is due to stand trial in April next year.

But prosecutors filed documents on Monday claiming Keenan has
wife, a social worker, his brother and sister-in-law.

Confessing to his crimes, Keenan said the abuse took place
over a three-year-period but claimed the victim "initiated"
sex, the Youngstown Vindicator reports.

He also spoke of the abuse during group discussions at a
hospital, and later checked himself into a psychiatric clinic
because he was suicidal.

A judge will now have to decide whether Keenan's alleged
admissions can be heard by a jury, or will be ruled

Under local state law, a wife can testify against her spouse
if he or she decides.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Sharon
RE: Lottery Win
Dear Webby,
I received an email today from:
Euro - Afro Asian Sweepstakes Lottery
an Affiliate of Watergate International Incorporation.
Arena Complex Km 18 Route de Rufisque
I.P.P Award Dept.
Johannesburg, Africa
..........

Maybe this would make a good story for the Humor Letter.
Thanks ahead of time if you have an answer for my questions.

Sincerely,
Sharon

Dear Sharon
It's a scam. Just dump it.

The headlines would actually be a lot more embarrassing:
"SEXY AOLer GOT TOOK FOR \$12.50
WHILE TRYING TO COLLECT HER
\$2,500,000.00 MONOPOLY MONEY WIN
IN NON-EXISTENT LOTTERY!"

Have FUN!
DearWebby

A plane full of retirees headed for Florida was gripped with
fear when the pilot announced, "Two of our engines are on
fire; we are flying through a heavy fog, and it has
eliminated all our visibility."

The passengers were numb with fear, except for one...a
retired minister. "Now, now, keep calm," he said.
"Let's all bow our heads and pray."

Immediately, the group bowed their heads to pray...except
one man.

"Why aren't you praying?" the minister asked.

"I don't know how to pray," replied the passenger.

"Well, just do something religious!" instructed the minister.

The man got up and passed his hat down the aisle,
taking an offering.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Banana Oatmeal Breakfast Cups

By StellaBell [183 Posts, 171 Comments]

These delicious and healthy breakfast cups are perfect for
someone who needs to eat breakfast on the run. They are moist
in the middle with a crunchy white chocolate topping.
Somewhere in between a bowl of oatmeal and a muffin.

Prep Time: 10
Cook Time: 17 minutes
Total Time: 1 hour
Yield: 18

Ingredients:
3 cups old fashioned oats
2 Tbsp brown sugar
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp salt
2 tsp baking powder
1 cup mashed ripe banana
2 Tbsp olive oil
2 large eggs
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups milk
mini white chocolate chips for topping
(optional) dried cranberries

Steps:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Mix dry ingredients together in a bowl.

In a seperate bowl mix wet ingredients, stirring the milk in
last.

Add the wet ingredients into the bowl of dry ingredients.
Stir well. The mixture will be really soupy and that is okay.

Grease muffin tins.

Scoop mixture into the muffin tins, making sure that there is
a good mix of wet and dry in each tin. These will not puff up
much so you can fill them pretty full.

Add a layer of mini white chocolate chips to the top. At the
request of my 4 year old I also added dried cranberries to
some of them. Although I much prefered them without.

Cook for 17-22 minutes.
Let cool a bit in the tins before placing on a cooling rack
to cool completely. Store in the fridge.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

To eat you can warm up in the microwave for 30 second or enjoy them cold.

Dog stealing food while looking over his shoulder

____________________________________________________

Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in
one week and found the boss waiting for him.
"What's the  story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically.

"Let's hear a good excuse for a change."

Jones sighed,
"Everything went wrong this morning, Boss.  The wife decided
to drive me to the station.  She got ready in  ten minutes,
but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than  let you down,

I swam across the river -- look, my suit's still damp --
ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's
helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was
carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."

"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss,
obviously disappointed.
"No woman can get ready in ten minutes."

____________________________________________________

After years of hard work, Joe took his first vacation on a
luxury cruise ship. In a deck chair, he recognized a former
high school classmate, a long-lost friend from his old
hometown. He crossed the deck, seized the fellow's hand and
said: "Hello, Pete. I haven't seen you in years. What are you
doing these days?"

"I'm into politics," whispered Pete. "But don't tell mother.
She thinks I'm still a pimp."

____________________________________________________

This is seriously awesome! The elephants that came to dinner.

____________________________________________________

Today on September 16 in

1400 Owain Glyndwr was proclaimed Prince of Wales after
rebelling against English rule. He was the last Welsh-born
Prince of Wales.

1620 The Mayflower departed from Plymouth, England. The ship
arrived at Provincetown, MA, on November 21st and then at
Plymouth, MA, on December 26th. There were 102 passengers
onboard.

1630 The village of Shawmut changed its name to Boston.

1782 The Great Seal of the United States was impressed on
document to negotiate a prisoner of war agreement with the
British. It was the first official use of the impression.

1810 The Mexicans began a revolt against Spanish rule. Miguel
Hidalgo y Costilla, a Catholic priest of Spanish descent,
declared Mexico's independence from Spain in the small town
of Dolores.

1893 The "Cherokee Strip" in Oklahoma was swarmed by hundreds
of thousands of settlers.

1908 General Motors was founded by William Crapo "Billy"
Durant. The company was formed by merging the Buick and Olds
car companies.

1940 U.S. President Roosevelt signed into law the Selective
Training and Service Act, which set up the first peacetime
military draft in U.S. history.

1953 "The Robe" premiered at the Roxy Theater in New York. It
was the first movie filmed in the wide screen CinemaScope
process.

1974 U.S. President Ford announced a conditional amnesty
program for draft-evaders and deserters during the Vietnam
War.

1982 In west Beirut, the massacre of hundreds of Palestinian
men, women and children began in refugee camps of the
Lebanese Christian militiamen.

1985 The Communist Party in China announced changes in
leadership that were designed to bring younger officials into
power.

1987 The Montreal Protocol was signed by 24 countries in an
effort to save the Earth's ozone layer by reducing emissions
of harmful chemicals by the year 2000.

1988 Tom Browning pitched the 12th perfect game in major
league baseball.

1990 An eight-minute videotape of an address by U.S.
President George H.W. Bush was shown on Iraqi television. The
message warned that action of Saddam Hussein could plunge
them into a war "against the world."

1994 Exxon Corporation was ordered by federal jury to pay \$5
billion in punitive damages to the people harmed by the 1989
Exxon Valdez spill.

1994 Two astronauts from the space shuttle Discovery went on
the first untethered spacewalk in 10 years.

1998 Universal paid \$9 million for the rights to the Dr.
Seuss classics "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and "Oh, the
Places You'll Go."

2016  smiled.

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Saving files to CD
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Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, Sept 15

Have FUN!
DearWebby

West Virginian put out cigarette in her boyfriend's eye
______________________________________________________
Today, September 15, in
1776 British forces occupied New York City during
the American Revolution.

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
I say that good painters imitated nature;
but that bad ones vomited it.
--- Miguel de Cervantes (1547 - 1616)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

"The Creation Story As Told By The Cat"
On the first day of creation, God created the cat.
On the second day, God created man to serve the cat.
On the third, God created all the animals of the earth
to serve as potential food for the cat.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man
could labor for the good of the cat.
On the fifth day, God created the sparkle ball so that
the cat might or might not play with it.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to
keep the cat healthy and the man broke.
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but he had to
scoop the litterbox.

______________________________________________________

Melvin was a chaplain in a university residence hall. He
was supposed to uphold all of the school rules, which include
a ban on pets.  That changed when a kitten adopted him.

The freshmen in his dorm kept his secret. They covered for
him by calling the kitten "the Book,"

One morning as he was leaving the dorm with the kitten in a
beer case, a student stopped him and asked,
"Where are you taking the Book?"

He exlained that he was taking the kitten to the vet.
"She's getting neutered today," he told him.

"Hmmm," the student responded, "no sequels."

______________________________________________________

From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

has been earned by

Cindy Jean Underwood,
39,
St. Albans,
West Virginia

West Virginian put out cigarette in her boyfriend's eye

Cindy Jean Underwood, the 39-year-old West Virginian is
locked up on \$10,000 bail after she allegedly put out a
cigarette in her boyfriend’s eye, according to court records.

The attack, cops say, occurred Monday as Underwood and Jeremy
Hughes were arguing in the home they share in St. Albans, a
city in Kanawha County.

As the pair squabbled, Underwood jammed a lit cigarette into
her beau’s eye, police charge. When cops arrived at the
residence in response to a destruction of property complaint,
they summoned an ambulance, which transported Hughes to a
local hospital for treatment of an injury to his left eye.

Hughes complained to police that he "did not have sight in
his eye."

Pictured above, Underwood--who is facing a felony malicious
wounding charge--is being held at the South Central Regional
Jail in Charleston. She is scheduled for a September 22
preliminary hearing.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Bill
RE: Saving to CD
Dear Webby,
I have some text and some pictures that are of historical
value and I would like to store them on a CD-R. What should I
look for as a CD-R or they all pretty much the same?
Bill

Dear Bill
Just about any CD burner will do for that.
You can even get CD + DVD burners.
Most come with pretty decent burning software
included on a CD.

Burning CD's used to be a bit of a nightmare and
almost a gamble whether it worked or not.
Nowadays you just drag stuff to the CD. Windows
then spools that stuff up somewhere and when you
try to remove the CD or right-click on it's title, it ask
if you want to burn the files to the CD.
Click OK, and it will do it.

You can even use SD (camera) chips. The old ones up to
2 GB for XP machines and older cameras are often given
away free as door prizes, or sold very cheaply.
Bigger ones are available up to 128 GB.

I find that a bit ridiculous, unless you want to back
For projects like yours I would recommend 2 or 4 GB
chips.

They last longer than CDs and DVDs and never get scratched.

The downside is that the camera chips are so small and not
easy to write their titles or content onto them. You have
to print tiny labels and stick them on, and instead of shoe
boxes full of CDs and DVDs, you now need a small business
card box to store them, so that you don't misplace and lose
them.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Bunny and Bob, two frequent users of a chat room,
discovered that they had a lot in common.  Eventually, they
abandoned the chat room for a more intimate correspondence.

After months of virtual kinkiness, the two decided to meet
each other face-to-face at a small cafe.

Bunny arrived a little late.  One customer, a short, frail
man with an eye patch, sat at the back of the cafe.

"Yes I am," said Bob.

"Unbelievable!" Bunny exclaimed.  "You told me that you were
tall, dark and handsome."

"How do you think I feel?" Bob asked, his face turning red.
"You told me that you were skinny, blonde, and... female!"

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Skillet Chicken with Barbecue Onion

By Judy Pariser S. [157 Posts, 151 Comments]
Prep Time: less than 10 minutes
Cook Time: 25 minutes
Total Time: 35 minutes or less
Yield: 4 servings

By Judy Pariser S. [157 Posts, 151 Comments]

Prep Time: less than 10 minutes
Cook Time: 25 minutes
Total Time: 35 minutes or less
Yield: 4 servingsSkillet Chicken with Barbecue Onion

Ingredients:
4 chicken cutlets, about 4 oz each
1/4 tsp salt
1/8 tsp pepper
1 Tbsp oil
1 medium sweet onion, coarsely chopped
2/3 cup honey barbecue sauce
Related Products:
Steps:
Season chicken with the salt and pepper.
Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Cook 4-6
minutes on each side. Remove cutlets from the pan and keep
warm.

Add the onion. Cook and stir 5-6 minutes, or until tender.
Skillet Chicken with Barbecue Onion
Add the barbecue sauce and heat through.
Skillet Chicken with Barbecue Onion
Top the chicken with the onion mixture to serve.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
While my friend was working as a receptionist for an eye
surgeon, a very angry woman stormed up to her desk.
"Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday,"
she complained.

The doctor came out and tried to calm her down.  "I assure
you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing,"
he said. "Why do you think it was taken here?"

"After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was
not mine, but a different one that's cheap-looking and ugly!"

"I think" explained the surgeon gently, "that means your
cataract operation was a success."

AT AT's day out

____________________________________________________

Church Bulletin Bloopers

*Sermon Outline:

*Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch.

*If you would like to make a donation, fill out a form,
enclose a check and drip in the collection basket.

*Nov. 11: An evening of boweling at Lincoln Country Club.

*Women's Luncheon: Each member bring a sandwich.
Polly Phillips will give the medication.

*Karen's beautiful solo: "It is Well with my Solo."

*Congratulations to Tim and Rhonda on the birth of their
daughter October 12 thru 17.

*If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do so
quietly.

*We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the
grounds around the church building and the rector.

*Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford."

*Sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be water baptized on
the table in the foyer.

*Newsletters are not being sent to absentees because of their
weight.

*The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level of St.
Mary's Cathedral.

*The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the church
bard.

*As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof
outing.

*Fifth Sinday is Lent.

*Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.

*Lent is that period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter.

*Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits.

*For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing even to

the dividing asunder of soup and spirit.

*Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men.

*Definition: Persons who are shut-in during bath weather.

*Bring one dozen coolies wrapped for Christmas.

*The lovers in the exhaust fan are not working...

*Volunteers are needed to spit up food.

____________________________________________________

Bumper Stickers

If it ain't broken... fix it 'til it is

Graduate quickly . . . millions on welfare depend on you.

Jesus loves you.... Everyone else thinks you're an idiot.

If you can read this, then you're in range.

I get enough exercise just pushin' my luck.

____________________________________________________

27 hilarious animal memes.

____________________________________________________

Today on September 15 in
1775 An early and unofficial American flag was raised by
Lieutenant Colonel Isaac Mott after the seizing of Fort
Johnson from the British. The flag was dark blue with the
white word "Liberty" spelled on it.

1776 British forces occupied New York City during the
American Revolution.

1821 Costa Rica, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua and El

1857 Timothy Alder earned a patent for the typesetting
machine.

1858 The first mail service begins to the Pacific Coast of
the U.S. under government contract. Coaches from the
Butterfield Overland Mail Company took 12 days to make the
journey between Tipton, MO and San Francisco, CA.

1909 A New York judge rule that Ford Motor Company had
infringed on George Seldon's patent for the "Road Engine."
The ruling was later overturned.

1909 Charles F. Kettering applied for a patent on his
ignition system. His company Delco (Dayton Engineering
Laboratories Company) later became a subsidiary of General
Motors.

1916 During the Battle of the Somme, in France, tanks were
first used in warfare when the British rolled them onto the
battlefields.

1917 Alexander Kerensky proclaimed Russia to be a republic.

1923 Oklahoma was placed under martial law by Gov. John
Calloway Walton due to terrorist activity by the Ku Klux
Klan. After this declaration national newspapers began to
expose the Klan and its criminal activities.

1928 Alexander Fleming discovered the antibiotic penicillin
in the mold Penicillium notatum.

1935 The Nuremberg Laws were enacted by Nazi Germany. The act
stripped all German Jews of their civil rights and the
swastika was made the official symbol of Nazi Germany.

1940 The German Luftwaffe suffered the loss of 185 planes in
the Battle of Britain. The change in tide forced Hitler to
abandon his plans for invading Britain.

1949 "The Lone Ranger" premiered on ABC. Clayton Moore was
the Lone Ranger and Jay Silverheels was Tonto.

1950 U.N. forces landed at Inchon, Korea in an attempt to
relieve South Korean forces and recapture Seoul.

1953 The National Boxing Association adopted the 10-point
scoring system for all of its matches.

1955 Betty Robbins became the first woman cantor.

1959 Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev arrived in the U.S. to
begin a 13-day visit.

1961 The U.S. resumed underground testing of nuclear weapons.

1971 Greenpeace was founded.

1978 Muhammad Ali defeated Leon Spinks to win his 3rd World
Heavyweight Boxing title.

1990 France announced that it would send an additional 4,000
soldiers to the Persian Gulf. They also expelled Iraqi
military attaches in Paris.

1993 The FBI announced a new national campaign concerning the
crime of carjacking.

1994 U.S. President Clinton told Haiti's military leaders
"Your time is up. Leave now or we will force you from power."

1995 The U.N. Fourth World Conference on Women was held in
Beijing.

1997 The domain name "google.com" was registered.

1998 Ayatollah Ali Khamenei ordered the Iranian military to
be on full alert and massed troops on its border with
Afghanistan.

1999 The United Nations approved the deployment of a
multinational peacekeeping force in East Timor.

2012 Legoland Malaysia opened in Nusajaya, Johor, Malaysia.

2016  smiled.

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Digital indoor pictures appearing flat
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Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, Sept 14

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Florida Woman trashed Wendys eatery over
unsatisfactory drive-thru grub
______________________________________________________
Today, September 14, in
1812 moscow was set on fire by Russians after napoleon

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________

The more I study religions the more I am convinced that
man never worshipped anything but himself.
--- Sir Richard Francis Burton (1821 - 1890)

Economics is extremely useful as a form of
employment for economists.
--- John Kenneth Galbraith
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A pregnant Irish woman from Dublin is involved in a car
accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6
months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer
The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins! a boy and a girl.
Your Uncle from Cork came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh No, not my Uncle...
he's an idiot!"
She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise."
"Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's
name?"
"Denephew."

______________________________________________________

This is an oldie, but nothing has changed:
Thanks to Gayle for this example of typical US media style
reporting:

President Bush & the Pope
The Pope is visiting Washington, DC and President Bush
takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac sailing on the
Presidential yacht, the Sequoia.

They're admiring the sights when, all of a sudden, the Pope's
hat (zucchetto) blows off his head and out into the water.
Secret service guys start to launch a boat, but President
Bush waves them off, saying, "Wait, wait.  I'll take care of
this. Don't worry."

Bush then steps off the yacht onto the surface of the water
and walks out to the Holy Father's little hat, bends over and
picks it up, then walks back to the yacht and climbs aboard.

He hands the hat to the Pope amid stunned silence.

The next morning the headlines on CNN and in the
AOL/New York Times, Boston Globe, Milwaukee Sentinel-Journal,
Minneapolis Tribune, Denver Post, Albuquerque Journal,
Los Angeles Times and the San Francisco Chronicle proclaim:
"Bush Can't Swim", followed by numerous pages of what every
Democratic politician has to say about that.

______________________________________________________

I think that was from Betty, a long time ago.
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

has been earned by

Chianti Gipson,
24,
Seminole,
Floriduh

Florida Woman trashed Wendys eatery over
unsatisfactory drive-thru grub

A Florida woman was arrested Saturday night after storming
into a Wendy’s and trashing the restaurant because she was
window, police report.

Investigators say that Chianti Gipson, 24, placed an order at
a Wendy’s in Seminole around 6:30 PM Saturday, but she was
“dissatisfied with the food ordered.”

According to court records, Gipson is a carreer criminal with
a rap sheet, that includes arrests for battery on a pregnant
woman; marijuana possession; aggravated assault with a motor
vehicle; discharging a firearm in public; and possession of
counterfeit currency.

Gipson, cops say, began arguing with Scott Anthony Bui, a
Wendy’s manager who eventually closed the drive-thru window
while Gipson was parked outside.

Seen above, Gipson then got out of her vehicle and “began
verbally engaging the victim” inside Wendy’s. According to
court filings, Gipson began “flipping and pushing items off
the counter” and “deliberately splashed pink lemonade onto
[Bui’s] face/chest area.”

Gipson caused about \$100 in damages to a display table and a
metal iced tea dispenser, noted cops, who added that her
outburst "disrupted diners and staff" at the restaurant.

Gipson, a St. Petersburg resident, was arrested for battery,
criminal mischief, and disorderly conduct. She was released
from jail Sunday morning after posting \$1000 bail on the
misdemeanor counts.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Silvia
RE: Flat digital pictures
Dear Webby,
The flash pictures from my digital camera all turn out flat
and boring. What's the trick to make them look more
realistic?
Silvia

Dear Silvia
The trick is not to use the built in flash. If you absolutely
have to use a flash, use a remote flash and hold the remote
flash at the end of an outstretched arm.

What I found better than a remote flash is a 500 Watt quartz
halogen work light. They come in sturdy, weatherproof
housings with a safety grill in front and cost around \$12-
\$15.

Set them up to the side and a bit higher than the camera,
and set the camera to NOT use flash.

The pictures have excellent contrast and a slightly warmer
tone than flash, which usually is a lot more flattering than
the cold hard light of a flash.

Since most digital cameras don't need as much light as a
film camera, you can use a regular dimmer switch to turn
the brightness down to just the right mood. At about half
dimmed down the effect is as if the room was lit by just
candles.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

A man answered his doorbell and greeted a friend who walked
in followed by a very large dog. The dog immediately jumped
up on the sofa with his muddy feet and proceeded to knock
over a lamp and chew on the cushions.

The outraged householder began to scold his friend, "Don't
you think you should train your dog a little better?"

"My dog?" exclaimed the friend, "I thought it was your dog!"

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Folgers' Coffee Can Christmas Art

By pam munro [523 Posts, 789 Comments]
Folger's has lovely holiday templates on their website for
you to decorate their red canisters! There are even
instructions. I can think of many more ways to use that clip
art, myself!

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Bob has been playing golf for years, and he has the finest
equipment, but his technique has never improved a bit. As his
friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly
drove a brand-new ball into the woods. On the second hole, he
drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a
new ball in another part of the woods.

"Why don't you use an old ball?" his friend asked.

Bob replied: "Where do you buy old balls?"

AT AT's day out

____________________________________________________

Two keys hang in an undertaker's office - one for the organ
in the chapel; the other for one of the cars in the garage.

Two small signs above the keys read "Hymn" and "Hearse."

____________________________________________________

The U.S.S. Constitution (Old Ironsides) as a combat vessel
carried 48,600 gallons of fresh water for her crew of 475
officers and men. This was sufficient to last six months of
sustained operations at sea. She carried no evaporators
(fresh water distillers).

However, let it be noted that according to her log,
"On July 27, 1798, the U.S.S. Constitution sailed from Boston
with a full complement of 475 officers and men,
48,600 gallons of fresh water, 7,400 cannon shot,
11,600 pounds of black powder and 79,400 gallons of rum."

Her mission: "To destroy and harass English shipping."

Making Jamaica on 6 October, she took on 826 pounds of
flour and 68,300 gallons of rum.

Then she headed for the Azores, arriving there 12 November.
She provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 64,300 gallons
of Portuguese wine.

On 18 November, she set sail for England.

In the ensuing days she defeated five British men-of-war and
captured and scuttled 12 English merchantmen, salvaging only
the rum aboard each.

By 26 January, her powder and shot were exhausted.
Nevertheless, and though unarmed, she made a night raid up
the Firth of Clyde in Scotland. Her landing party captured a
whiskey distillery and transferred 40,000 gallons
of single malt Scotch aboard by dawn.

The U.S.S. Constitution arrived in Boston on 20 February
1799, with no cannon shot, no food, no powder, NO rum, NO
wine, NO whiskey and 38,600 gallons of stagnant water.

It seems that instead of chaplains, psychiatrists and similar
spiritual counsellors they took their spiritual counselling
mostly in liquid form.

____________________________________________________

Photos you won't believe are real,
especially the boys jumping into Jacob's Well.

____________________________________________________

Today on September 14 in

1812 moscow was set on fire by Russians after napoleon

1814 francis scott key wrote the "star-spangled banner," a
poem originally known as "defense of fort mchenry," after
witnessing the british bombardment of fort mchenry, md,
during the war of 1812. The song became the official u.S.
National anthem on march 3, 1931.

1847 u.S. Forces took control of mexico city under the

1866 george k. Anderson patented the typewriter ribbon.

1899 in new york city, henry bliss became the first
automobile fatality.

1901 u.S. President william mckinley died of gunshot wounds
inflicted by an assassin. Vice president theodore roosevelt,
at age 42, succeeded him.

1915 carl g. Muench received a patent for insulit, the first
sound-absorbing material to be used in buildings.

1938 the vs-300 made its first flight. The craft was based on
the helicopter technology patented by igor sikorsky.

1940 the selective service act was passed by the u.S.
Congress providing the first peacetime draft in the united
states.

1959 luna ii, a soviet space probe, became the first man-made
object on the moon when it crashed on the surface.

1960 the organization of the petroleum exporting countries
(opec) was founded. The core members were iran, iraq, kuwait,
saudi arabia, and venezuela.

1963 mary ann fischer gave birth to america's first surviving
quintuplets.

1975 pope paul vi declared mother elizabeth ann bayley seton
the first u.S.-born saint.

1984 joe kittinger became the first person to fly a balloon
solo across the atlantic ocean.

1987 tony magnuson cleared 9.5 feet above the top of the u-
ramp and set a new skateboard high jump record.

1989 joseph t. Wesbecker shot and killed eight people and
wounded twelve others at a printing plant in louisville, ky.
Wesbecker, 47 years old, was on disability for mental
illness. He took his own life after the incident.

1994 it was announced that the season was over for the
national baseball league on the 34th day of the players
strike. The final days of the regular season were canceled.

1998 israel announced that they had successfully tested its
arrow-2 missile defense system. The system successfully
destroyed a simulated target.

2001 nintendo released the gamecube home video game console
in japan.

2001 the fbi released the names of the 19 suspected hijackers
that had taken part in the september 11 terror attacks on
the u.S.

2009 greyhound uk began operations as an hourly service
between london and portsmouth or southampton.

2015 in livingston, la, and hanford, wa, the laser
interferometer gravitational-wave observatory (ligo)
detectors detected gravitational waves for the first time.
The news was reported on february 11, 2016.

2016  smiled.

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Email warning from phony ISP
Tuesday, September 13, 2016, 08:50 AMPosted by Administrator

var gaJsHost = (("https:" == document.location.protocol) ? "https://ssl." : "http://www.");
document.write(unescape("%3Cscript src='" + gaJsHost + "google-analytics.com/ga.js' type='text/javascript'%3E%3C/script%3E"));

try {
var pageTracker = _gat._getTracker("UA-6672100-1");
pageTracker._trackPageview();
} catch(err) {}

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Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, Sept 13

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Fugitive Learns The Hard Way Not To Post
______________________________________________________
Today, September 13, in
1759 The French were defeated by the British on the Plains of
Abraham in the final French and Indian War.

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
One of the serious obstacles to the improvement of our
race is indiscriminate charity.
--- Andrew Carnegie (1835 - 1919)

"Anger is one letter away from danger."
---Eleanor Roosevelt

There are two theories to arguing with a woman.
Neither one works.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A cantor, the man who sings the prayers at a synagogue,
brags before his congregation in a booming, bellowing voice:
"Two years ago I insured my beautiful voice with Lloyds of
London for \$750,000."

There is a hushed and awed silence in the crowded room.
Suddenly, from the back of the room, the quiet, nasal voice
of an elderly woman is heard,
"So what did you do with the money?"

______________________________________________________

There was a horrible automobile crash and the driver of the
car lay on the side of the road dying. A passerby said to
him  kindly, "Why don't you say a prayer?"

"I don't know any," said the stricken man.

"Haven't you had any contact with religion?"

"As a boy we used to live next to a Catholic Church!"

"That's it!" said the well-wisher. "Just repeat what you
heard in the church!"

"Okay," said the injured man. "Under the B: 10,
Under the I:25,
Under the O: 64..."

______________________________________________________

From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

has been earned by

Mack Yearwood,
41,
Stuart,
Floriduh

Fugitive Learns The Hard Way Not To Post ‘Wanted’ Picture

Florida cops tracked down and arrested a fugitive after he
used a “wanted” poster featuring his mug shot as his Facebook
profile picture.

Stuart Police Department officers on Tuesday detained 42-
year-old Mack Yearwood, who’d been on the lam for 11 months
for violating his probation on two battery charges.

“If you are wanted by the police, it’s probably not a good
idea to use the ‘Wanted of the Week’ poster of yourself as
your profile pic,” the department posted online the following
day.

On Tuesday, Stuart Police caught up with Mr. Yearwood and
arrested him with two outstanding warrants. While he was
taken into custody, he asked to put on a pair of jeans that
were located on the floor beside him. Mr. Mack must have
forgotten that his bag of marijuana was still in the pocket.
Mr. Yearwood also picked up an additional charge of
possession of cannabis under 20 grams.

Yearwood was arrested over the two probation violations
following an alleged battery incident at a Stuart home late
Monday.

The alleged victim identified Yearwood, who’d already fled
the scene by the time the cops had arrived, as the suspect.
Investigators then discovered that Citrus County Sheriff’s
Office had been seeking him on the two outstanding warrants
since October 2015.

“The patrol guys, to look where he was and for some
intelligence, they went to his Facebook page,” Stuart Police
Cpl. Brian Bossio told ABC News. “They discovered that he
used his wanted poster for his Facebook profile.”

Police used information from his page to arrest Yearwood over
the two warrants at his brother’s home. The investigation
into Monday’s alleged incident is ongoing, and he has not
been charged in that case.

He does, however, face an additional cannabis possession
charge after a bag of weed allegedly fell out of his pants
during his arrest. Yearwood has not entered a plea on that
count and remains in custody at the Martin County Jail.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Bertha E
RE: ISP's warning about dangerous mail
Dear Webby,
thing that's going around.  It was a notice to delete this
particular e-mail  A.S.A.P.  The only thing that was anything

like an address was  W32mimail.L@mm.  It's supposed
to get you connected to a Porn site.  Do you know if this
really true or not?  I certainly don't wan to get involved in

anything like that.
Bertha E

Dear Bertha
Mailwasher takes
care of all of that for me.
Any mail telling me to delete this, that or the other thing
will get deleted automatically, and instantly. I don't
waste time on stuff like that, no matter who the writer
pretends to be.

Just dump it and don't worry about it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

Shirley had 2 two red ears  and went to her doctor.
she answered, "I was ironing a blouse and the phone rang --
but instead of  picking up the phone I accidentally picked up

the iron and stuck it to my ear."

"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
"But, what  happened to your other ear?"

"While I was holding the burned ear with one hand, the guy
upstairs called, probably wanting to know what all the
yelling and screaming was about, so I picked up the phone,
ahem, I mean the iron, with the other hand."

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

By attosa [239 Posts, 538 Comments]

Craving meat and cheese empanadas the other day, with no time
or ingredients to make my own dough, I grabbed some ready
toaster oven. So good!

Prep Time: 20
Cook Time: 20
Total Time: 40

Ingredients:
1 lb pizza dough (I used Rhodes, they come in preformed mini
balls)
2 cups chicken, cooked & chopped
1 small hot pepper
1 tomato
1 onion
2 tsp oil
1 Tbsp garlic salt
2 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp chili powder
1 tsp dried oregano
1/2 cup cilantro
1 cup shredded cheese
flour for dusting
1 egg yolk
1 tsp water

Steps:
Preheat oven to 400F Cover dough with plastic while making
filling. Chop onion, tomato and pepper.

Add oil to pan and heat to medium high heat. Cook onion,
tomato and pepper until softened, about 5 minutes.

Add garlic salt, cumin, chili powder, and oregano.

Add cooked chicken and cilantro. Cook for a couple minutes.
Remove from heat.

Lightly flour work surface and roll out dough to 1/4 inch
thickness.

Take a 5 or 6 inch round cookie cutter, glass or bowl, and
cut the dough into circles.

Flatten the disks gently with rolling pin.

Sprinkle each disc with cheese and 2 Tbsp of the filling.

Fold dough over in half to enclose filling.
Seal the edges with a fork. Repeat on the rest of the

In a small bowl, mix together egg yolk and 1 tsp water to
make an egg wash.

Transfer empanadas to a baking sheet and brush the top sides
with egg wash.

Bake until golden brown, about 20 minutes. Cool for 10
minutes before serving.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

___________________________________________________

Star Wars according to a 3-year-old

____________________________________________________

A boy was taking care of his baby sister
while his parents went to town shopping.
He decided to go fishing and he had to take
her along.

"I'll never do that again!" he told his mother
that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!"

"Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and
not scare the fish away," his mother said.

The boy said, "It wasn't that. She ate all
the bait."

____________________________________________________

Young Aaron Finkelstein came home in great excitement,
saying, "Father! Father! On returning from school , I ran
home behind the bus all the way and saved the fifty-cent
fare."

The father replied by slapping the son on the cheek as he
shouted, "Spendthrift! Why didn't you run behind a cab and
save \$5.00?"

____________________________________________________

The best of the month of August of People Are Awesome.

____________________________________________________

Today on September 13 in
1759 The French were defeated by the British on the Plains of
Abraham in the final French and Indian War.

1788 The Constitutional Convention decided that the first
federal election was to be held on Wednesday the following
February. On that day George Washington was elected as the
first president of the United States. In addition, New York
City was named the temporary national capital.

1789 The United States Government took out its first loan.

1847 U.S. forces took the hill Chapultepec during the
Mexican-American War.

1862 During the American Civil War General Lee's Order No.
191 was found by federal soldiers in Maryland.

1898 Hannibal Williston Goodwin patented celluloid
photographic film, which is used to make movies.

1922 In El Azizia, Libya, the highest shade temperature was
recorded at 136.4 degrees Fahrenheit.

1935 Aviator Howard Hughes, Jr., of Houston, set a new
airspeed record of 352 mph with his H-1 airplane (Winged
Bullet).

1943 Chiang Kai-shek became the president of China.

1959 The Soviet Union's Luna 2 became the first space probe
to reach the moon. It was launched the day before.

1960 The U.S. Federal Communications Commission banned
payola.

1971 In New York, National Guardsmen stormed the Attica
Correctional Facility and put an end to the four-day revolt.
A total of 43 people were killed in the final assault. A
committee was organized to investigate the riot on September
30, 1971.

1971 The World Hockey Association was formed.

1977 The first General Motors diesel automobiles were

1981 U.S. Secretary of State Alexander M. Haig said the U.S.
had physical evidence that Russia and its allies used
poisonous biological weapons in Laos, Cambodia and
Afghanistan.

1988 Forecasters reported that Hurricane Gilbert's barometric
pressure measured 26.13. It was the strongest hurricane ever
recorded in the Western Hemisphere.

1993 Israel and Palestine signed their first major agreement.
Palestine was granted limited self-government in the Gaza
Strip and in Jericho.

1994 U.S. President Bill Clinton signed a \$30 billion crime
bill into law.

1998 The New York Times closed its Web site after hackers

2001 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell named Osama bin
Laden as the prime suspect in the terror attacks on the
United States on September 11, 2001. Limited commercial
flights resumed in the U.S. for the first time in two days.

2016  smiled.

[ view entry ]
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Landscape vs Portrait
Monday, September 12, 2016, 09:21 AMPosted by Administrator

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<!--
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Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, Sept 12

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Ohio duo overdosed in traffic, with child in car.
______________________________________________________
Today, September 12, in
1873 The first practical typewriter was sold to customers.

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Everything starts as somebody's daydream.
--- Larry Niven
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Trisha was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a
lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with,
"Where were you the night of August 24th?"

"Objection!" said the defense attorney. "Irrelevant!"

"Oh, that's like OK, you know," Trisha called from the
witness stand. "I don't, like mind, you know, like answering
that question."

"I object!" the defense said again.

"No, really," Trisha said. "I'll, like, answer, you know."

The judge ruled: "If the witness insists on answering,
there is no reason for the defense to object."

So the prosecutor repeated the question:

"Where were you the night of August 24th?"

Trisha brightly replied: "I, like, you know, don't know."

______________________________________________________

>From Edna
My first grade daughter and her friend both needed new boots
as winter approached. The friend got in the car one morning
and finally had gotten her boots. "Tina," I commented, "I see
you got new boots! Where did you get them?"

She began looking at her new boots and after a pause said,
"Both of them!"

______________________________________________________

From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

has been earned by

Rhonda Pasek, 50,
James Acord, 47,
East Liverpool,
Ohio

Ohio duo overdosed in traffic, with child in car.

Woman's son, 4, was seated in rear of SUV
during traffic stop

In an effort to highlight the heroin epidemic
gripping the country, an Ohio police department has released
photos showing an overdosed couple sitting in a vehicle while
the unconscious passenger’s four-year-old son looked on from
the back seat.

According to a police report, a cop Wednesday afternoon
spotted a Ford Explorer “weaving back and forth” across the
roadway in East Liverpool, a city bordering Pennsylvania and
West Virginia.

When the officer subsequently approached the SUV--which had
drifted to a stop--he noted that driver James Acord’s head
was “bobbing back and forth” and his “speech was almost
unintelligible.”

Acord, 47, said that he was transporting his front seat
passenger, Rhonda Pasek, to the hospital, reported Officer
Kevin Thompson, who added that the 50-year-old Pasek was
“completely unconscious and turning blue.” Pasek’s son was in
a car seat behind his mother, who was slumped over.

Acord himself “eventually went completely unconscious,” noted
Thompson, who sought to “keep [Pasek’s] airway open” until
rescue workers arrived. EMS workers subsequently treated
Acord and Pasek with “several rounds” of the drug Narcan,
which “is commonly used to reverse an opiate overdose.”

The couple regained consciousness and were transported to a
local hospital for further treatment. A search of the vehicle
turned up a folded piece of paper containing a “pink powdery
substance” that was sent to a crime lab for analysis.

Acord, charged with child endangerment and driving under the
influence, yesterday pleaded guilty to both counts and was
sentenced to a year in jail. Pasek, who is locked up in the
Columbiana County jail, is facing child endangerment and
disorderly conduct/intoxication charges. Court records list
separate addresses in New Cumberland, West Virginia for Acord
and Pasek.

Pasek’s son, who was wearing a dinosaur shirt, was placed in
the custody of child welfare officials.

In a statement, East Liverpool officials said that the
release of the overdose photos was “necessary to show the
other side of this horrible drug. We feel we need to be a
voice for the children caught up in this horrible mess. This
child can't speak for himself but we are hopeful his story
can convince another user to think twice about injecting this
poison while having a child in their custody.”

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: BB
RE: Portrait versus Landscape
Dear Webby,
English is not my first language, and I have never understood
what "Landscape" and "Portrait" mean, when it comes to
Thanks
BB

Dear BB
Those terms come actually from the ancient museums and
picture galleries. A pitcure with a formal portrait of a
person standing was always narrow and tall, often from floor
to ceiling.

A landscape picture was always wide, but not very high.

Word processing, for example letters, is done in portrait
mode.
Accounting, because there are often many columns to show,
is usually done in landscape mode. You still feed the paper
into the printer normally, you just turn it sideways to read
it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

From Bess
My engineer husband is meticulous but mildmannered.
While our new house was being built, he would leave notes
for the workmen, politely calling their attention to mistakes
or oversights.

Two weeks before we were to move in, the floors still
were not finished, the bathrooms not tiled, nor were
necessary fixtures installed. I was sure that the work
would never be completed in time.

However, on moving day, we found that the house was

Curious as to how this miracle had been accomplished,
I went and checked where my husband always left his notes
for the workmen.

Posted prominently on the living room wall was my husband's
last note: "After September 1, all work will be supervised by

my 5 children and my very impatient wife."

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Easy Ricotta Pancakes

By attosa [238 Posts, 538 Comments]
This is my version of silky, delicious ricotta pancakes
without having to separate the eggs to create volume. They
have become a favourite with everyone I've served them to.
It's hard to go back to regular pancakes after a taste of
these, and now, they're not so hard to make!

Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 6 minutes
Yield: 8 pancakes

Ingredients:
1 cup ricotta cheese
1 cup all purpose flour
1 tsp baking powder
2 Tbsp sugar
1/4 tsp salt
3/4 cup milk
2 large eggs
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
butter/oil for cooking

Steps:
Whisk flour, baking powder, sugar, and salt in a bowl.
Mix ricotta, milk, eggs, and vanilla in another bowl until
very smooth.
Add the dry ingredients to the wet mixture. Stir until
combined.
Heat a nonstick pan over medium high heat. Melt some butter
or a tiny bit of oil in the pan and swirl to cover surface.
Pour about 1/4 to 1/3 cup amounts per pancake.
Cook the pancakes for about 3 minutes per side. They should
be golden.
Serve with maple syrup. I prefer fresh lemon juice and
powdered sugar.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Red for this one:
Some time back, my cousin, Steve moved to a new apartment.
so I and my three brothers all chipped in to help his wife
move the furniture. The new apartment was on the third floor.
We hauled everything up the three flights of stairs and
around the tight corner through the kitchen put them where
they belonged.

Finally, we came to the large couch. After hauling it up
three
flights to the top of the stairs, we discovered it would not
go around the corner through the kitchen. We took it back out
into the hall and turned it and tried again. It still
wouldn't fit.

Finally all of us boosted the couch from the back of the
truck up the side of the building. From the third floor, we
passed the couch up and over the railing of the tiny balcony
and in through the sliding doors into the living room.  We
all collapsed on the couch to catch our breath and made a
pact that we would not tell Steve how we got the couch into
the apartment. "The next time he moves," we conspired, "he
will have to figure out how to get the couch out of there on
his own. It will be our little secret.  He will have to take
a saw to it!"

As luck would have it, Steve found a place he liked better
about three months later.  It really was a busy weekend at
work, and none of us were available to help move.  We waited
eagerly to hear from Steve but there was nothing.  Finally,
after several days of waiting, I asked Steve, "So, did you
get everything moved OK?"

"Sure," he replied.

"Did you run into any problems?"

"No, none at all."

"Now, wait a minute, we had to drag the couch up the
outside of the building and haul it over the railing! How did

you get it out of the living room? It didn't fit through the
kitchen!"

Steve looked at me with total disbelief and said,
"Geez, you idiots, the legs unscrew!"

___________________________________________________

swans surfing in Australia

____________________________________________________

>From Ed
A few years ago I went to visit my brother who was stationed
in Germany. I assumed that enough Germans would speak
English so that I could at least get around. But I found that
many people spoke only their native tongue - including the
ticket inspector on the train. He punched my ticket, then
chatted cordially for a bit, making gestures like a windmill.

I just nodded from time to time to show him that I was
interested.

When he had gone, an American woman soldier in the
compartment leaned forward and asked if I spoke German.

"No," I confessed.

"Then that explains," she said, "why you didn't bat an eyelid
when he told you that you were on the wrong train going in
the wrong direction."

____________________________________________________

A young man was talking to a girl that he had just met, and

"I don't want to tell you," she said, "I'm named after both
of my parents, and it's kind of embarrassing."

"My mother's name is Eliza, and my father's name is

"Well, those are nice names" the guy replied.

"It would be, if they wouldn't have named me FerdEliza!"

____________________________________________________

I used to roller skate.  Wondering if I could do this.....NO WAY!

____________________________________________________

Today on September 12 in

1609 English explorer Henry Hudson sailed down what is now
known as the Hudson River.

1873 The first practical typewriter was sold to customers.

1878 Patent litigation involving the Bell Telephone Company
against Western Union Telegraph Company and Elisha Gray
began. The issues were over various telephone patents.

1914 The first battle of Marne ended when the allied forces
stopped the German offensive in France.

1916 Adelina and August Van Buren finished the first
successful transcontinental motorcycle tour to be attempted
by two women. They started in New York City on July 5, 1916.

1918 During World War I, At the Battle of St. Mihiel, U.S.
Army personnel operated tanks for the first time. The tanks
were French-built.

1922 The Episcopal Church removed the word "Obey" from the
bride's section of wedding vows.

1938 In a speech, Adolf Hitler demanded self-determination
for the Sudeten Germans in Czechoslovakia.

1940 The Lascaux paintings were discovered in France. The
cave paintings were 17,000 years old and were some of the
best examples of art from the Paleolithic period.

1943 During World War II, Benito Mussolini was taken by
German paratroopers from the Italian government that was
holding him.

1944 U.S. Army troops entered Germany, near Trier, for the
first time during World War II.

1953 U.S. Senator John F. Kennedy married Jacqueline Lee
Bouvier.

1953 Nikita Krushchev was elected as the first secretary of
the Communist Party of the Soviet Union.

1954 "Lassie" made its television debut on CBS. The last show
aired on September 12, 1971.

1963 The last episode of "Leave it to Beaver" was aired. The
show had debuted on October 4, 1957.

1974 Violence occurred on the opening day of classes in
Boston, MA, due opposition to court-ordered school "busing."

1974 Emperor Haile Selassie was taken out of power by
Ethiopia's military after ruling for 58 years.

1977 South African anti-apartheid activist Stephen Biko died
at the age of 30. The student leader died while in police
custody which triggered an international outcry.

1983 Arnold Schwarzenegger became a U.S. citizen. He had
emigrated from Austria 14 years earlier.

1991 The space shuttle Discovery took off on a mission to
deploy an observatory that was to study the Earth's ozone
layer.

1992 Police in Peru captured Shining Path founder Abimael
Guzman.

1992 Dr. Mae Carol Jemison became the first African-American
woman in space. She was the payload specialist aboard the
space shuttle Endeavor. Also onboard were Mission Specialist
N. Jan Davis and Air Force Lieutenant Colonel Mark C. Lee.
They were the first married couple to fly together in space.
And, Mamoru Mohri became the first Japanese person to fly
into space.

2009 Steve Jobs announced that Apple's iTunes had 88% of the

2016  smiled.

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Sunday, September 11, 2016, 10:31 AMPosted by Administrator

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Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, Sept 11

What did you do 15 years ago today?
when they interrupted the music with the news of the
first plane hitting the WTC.
Then every phone started ringing and a couple dozen Skype
windows popped. I missed most of the news on the radio
juggling the phones, but then the news services on the
Internet started showing video.

I realized that the world had changed.

I was supposed to fly to Nashville the next day. Well,
on Sept 12 all flights were grounded. My flight was changed
to Sept 13. I was on time, and in the plane, but the pilot
chickened and hid. They had to find another pilot for the
flight to Toronto. That caused me to miss my connection to
Nashville and I had to overnight in Toronto. So did a lot of
other people and all hotels near the airport were full. They
shipped me by cab an hour away from there to a hotel, that
did not have internet except on one machine in the lobby with
two dozen people waiting in line. So I called Earthlink for
their local dial-up number, and then got online that way.

Next day, on the flight to Nashville they did not let me take
my carry-on onto the plane. They took it from me while I was
abolut to enter the plane. Then, while I was sitting and
looking out the window, I watched as some ape swung my
carryon upside down onto the roller at the bottom of the
conveyor belt and listened for any tinking sounds.
My laptop was on the top in the carry-on.
You can imagine how I felt about that.

When I got to Nashville I was first to get out and walk out
through an empty, echoing airport. Eery! Just my footsteps
echoing.

When boarding a plane again three days later there were
heavily armed soldiers all over the airport. I stood beside
one at the entrance for a while. He was about 18, and scared,
and seemed to appreciate my moral support. He knew that if
something happened, it would be more than just moral support.
The world had definitely changed. And not for the better.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Man assaulted girlfriend with hammer after she refuses
to let him tattoo his name on her chest
______________________________________________________
Today, September 11, in
2012 Agitators attacked the U.S. consulate in Benghazi,
Libya. Four Americans were killed and ten others were
injured. US forces were close enough to help, but were held
off by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton until Ambassador
Stevens was dead and the files were burned.
Hillary later fell on her head and could not remember a thing

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
"People who demand neutrality in any situation are
usually not neutral but in favor of the status quo."
--- Max Eastman

Part of being sane, is being a little bit crazy.
--- Janet Long

"It's what you learn after you know it all that counts."
--- John Wooden
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

17 years ago, in 1999, Microsoft announced that the official
release date for the new operating system "Windows 2000"
will be delayed until the second quarter of 1901.

______________________________________________________

One day a little girl was watching her mother as she sat
before her bedroom mirror arranging her hair.  The little
girl asked her mother what she called the things she was
putting in her hair.
The mother replied:  "These are waves, dear."

The little girl pondered that for a moment and then solemnly
declared: "Poor Daddy, he's all beach."

______________________________________________________

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor

has been earned by

Michael Boggs,
28,
Sioux City,
IA

Man assaulted girlfriend with hammer after she refuses
to let him tattoo his name on her chest

Police say a Sioux City man assaulted his girlfriend with a
hammer Friday evening after she refused to let him tattoo his
name on her chest.

According to court documents, Jonathan Michael Boggs, 28, of
Sioux City, was going to put a chest tattoo on a woman he had
been in a relationship with for more than a month and told
her he wanted to tattoo his name on her chest. After she told
him no, an argument ensued.

Documents say the woman attempted to leave the house several
times, but Boggs stopped her, grabbed a hammer and threatened
to kill her. He then assaulted her using the hammer.

Police were called to the residence around 6:30 p.m. to meet
the woman. Documents say police later found Boggs on the
front porch with the hammer at his feet. A witness inside the
house confirmed the assault to authorities.

Boggs was charged with aggravated domestic assault and going
armed with intent. He is being held in the Woodbury County
Jail on \$10,000 bond. His next court date is Sept. 13.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Bonnie
Dear Webby,
My dear hubby, a semi-literate mouser, somehow turned
off the underlined letters in links in FireFox.
How do I get them back?
Delores

Dear Delores
That seems to be popular with semi-literate yuppies.
Nobody knows why for sure.
Maybe they are scared that links might overpower their self
control and drag them into sites that they can't understand?

It's easy to fix, though:
Click on the 3 horizontal bars for the Setup menu
options
content
fonts & colors
colors (near the bottom)
Put the checkmark onto "Underline Links".

That fixes links usually even if the webmaster is an idiot
and hides the underline on links.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to
"Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his
"He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself
for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness.

Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and said,
"I'm glad you don't do any thinking. You would look silly

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Creative Birdbaths

By ~gloria [97 Posts, 155 Comments]

If you enjoy watching a robin splash about in a birdbath and
want to help our feathered friends to a cool drink during
these hot summer and fall days, you don't have to spend a
fortune on fancy, high-priced garden store models.

Keep and eye open for the bases at garage and estate sales,
even thrift stores, then get creative with the bowl portion
Keep in mind, it's good to offer differing depths of water in
the bowls for various sizes of birds. At my house, the
robins
like something deep and they can empty it in a day with all
their vigorous splashing. While the timid chickadees and
goldfinches prefer something shallow.
The kitchen is one of my favorite places to find birdbath
bowls. Some good choices are pie plates, casserole dishes,
and serving bowls. The saucers for underneath terra-cotta
pots is another great idea. I've even used a up-turned light
fixture.
You can get creative with the base, too. I've used an old
stand for a vintage ash tray (garage sale), a large table leg
(salvaged), and tree stumps.
Hope this kick starts your creative juices, the birds will
thank you. And you'll receive hours of enjoyment watching
them.

___________________________________________________

A customer moved away from a bank window, counts his
change, and then goes back and says to the cashier,
"Hey, you gave me the wrong change!"

"Sir, you stepped away from the counter," said the cashier.
"We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing
I can do about it now.  That's the policy of this bank."

"Well, ok, if you say so." answered the customer.
"Just thought you'd like to know that you gave me an extra
hundred dollar bill. Bye, Bye!"

___________________________________________________

Amish men moving a house

____________________________________________________

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one
morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and
she said, "Mabel, did you know you've got a suppository in

Mabel answered, "I have? A suppository ?"
She pulled it out and stared at it.

Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing.
Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."

____________________________________________________

"Doc," said the young man lying down on the couch, "You've
got to help me!
Every night I have the same horrible dream. I'm lying in bed
when all of a sudden three women rush in and start tearing
off my clothes."

The psychiatrist nodded, "And what do you do?"
"I push them away!"

"I see.  And what can I do to help you with this?"

The patient implored, "Please,... Break my arms!"

____________________________________________________

You never know what they are going to
discover in Siberia.

____________________________________________________

Today on September 11 in
1297 Scotsman William Wallace defeated the English forces of
Sir Hugh de Cressingham at the Battle of Stirling Bridge.

1499 French forces took over Milan, Italy.

1609 Explorer Henry Hudson sailed into New York harbor and
discovered Manhattan Island and the Hudson River.

1695 Imperial troops under Eugene of Savoy defeated the Turks
at the Battle of Zenta.

1709 An Anglo-Dutch-Austrian force defeated the French in the
Battle of Malplaquet.

1714 Spanish and French troops broke into Barcelona and ended
Catalonia's sovereignty after 13 months of seige.

1776 A Peace Conference was held between British General Howe
and three representatives of the Continental Congress
(Benjamin Franklin, John Adams and Edward Rutledge). The
conference failed and the American war for independence
continued for seven years.

1777 American forces, under General George Washington, were
forced to retreat at the Battle of Brandywine Creek by
British forces under William Howe. The Stars and Stripes
(American flag) were carried for the first time in the
battle.

1814 The U.S. fleet defeated a squadron of British ships in
the Battle of Lake Champlain, VT.

1842 1,400 Mexican troops captured San Antonio, TX. The
Mexicans retreated with prisoners.

1855 The siege of Sevastopol ended when French, British and
Piedmontese troops captured the main naval base of the
Russian Black fleet in the Crimean War.

1875 "Professor Tidwissel's Burglar Alarm" was featured in
the New York Daily Graphic and became the first comic strip
to appear in a newspaper.

1877 The first comic-character timepiece was patented by the
Waterbury Clock Company.

1883 The mail chute was patented by James Cutler. The new
device was first used in the Elwood Building in Rochester,
NY.

1897 A ten-week strike of coal workers in Pennsylvania, WV,
and Ohio came to an end. The workers won an eight-hour
workday, semi-monthly pay, and company stores were abolished.

1904 The U.S. battleship Connecticut was launched in New
York.

1910 In Hollywood, the first commercially successful electric
bus line opened.

1926 In Honolulu Harbor, HI, the Aloha Tower was dedicated.

1936 Boulder Dam in Nevada was dedicated by U.S. President
Franklin D. Roosevelt by turning on the dam's first
hydroelectric generator. The dam is now called Hoover Dam.

1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt gave orders to
attack any German or Italian vessels found in U.S. defensive
waters. The U.S. had not officially entered World War II at
this time.

1941 Charles A. Lindbergh brought on charges of anti-Semitism
with a speech in which he blamed "the British, the Jewish
and
the Roosevelt administration" for trying to draw the United
States into World War II.

1941 In Arlington, VA, the groundbreaking ceremony for the
Pentagon took place.

1951 Florence Chadwick became the first woman to swim the
English Channel from both directions.

1952 Dr. Charles Hufnagel successfully replaced a diseased
aorta valve with an artificial valve made of plastic.

1954 The Miss America beauty pageant made its network TV
debut on ABC. Miss California, Lee Ann Meriwether, was the
winner.

1959 The U.S. Congress passed a bill authorizing the creation
of food stamps.

1965 The 1st Cavalry Division (Airmobile) arrived in South
Vietnam and was stationed at An Khe.

1974 "Little House On The Prairie" made its television debut.

1977 The Atari 2600 was released. It was originally sold as
the Atari VCS. The system was discontinued on January 1,
1992.

1985 A U.S. satellite passed through the tail of the
Giacobini-Zinner comet. It was the first on-the-spot sampling
of a comet.

1990 U.S. President Bush vowed "Saddam Hussein will fail"
while addressing Congress on the Persian Gulf crisis. In the
speech Bush spoke of an objective of a new world order "freer
from the threat of terror, stronger in the pursuit of
justice, and more secure in the quest for peace".

1991 Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev announced that
thousands of troops would be drawn out of Cuba.

1997 Scotland voted to create its own Parliament after 290
years of union with England.

1998 Independent counsel Kenneth Starr sent a report to the
U.S. Congress accusing President Clinton of 11 possible
impeachable offenses.

2001 In the U.S., four airliners were hijacked and were
intentionally crashed. Two airliners hit the World Trade
Center, which collapsed shortly after, in New York City, NY.
One airliner hit the Pentagon in Arlington, VA. Another
airliner crashed into a field in Pennsylvania. About 3,000
people were killed.

2012 Agitators attacked the U.S. consulate in Benghazi,
Libya. Four Americans were and ten others were injured. US
forces were close enough to help, but were held off by
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton until Ambassador Stevens
was dead and the files were burned.
Hillary later fell on her head and could not remember a thing

2016  smiled.

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How to do a DiskCleanup
Saturday, September 10, 2016, 12:12 PMPosted by Administrator

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Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, Sept 10

Have FUN!
DearWebby

KCK bank robber, 70, chooses prison over home and wife
______________________________________________________
Today, September 10, in
1813 The first defeat of British naval squadron occurred in
the Battle of Lake Erie during the War of 1812. The leader of
the U.S. fleet sent the famous message "We have met the
enemy, and they are ours" to U.S. General William Henry
Harrison.

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women
hate one another.
--- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)

Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
--- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Walking through the hallways at the middle school where I
work, I saw a new substitute teacher standing outside his
classroom with his forehead against a locker. I heard him
mutter, "How did you get yourself into this?"

Knowing that he was assigned to a difficult class, I tried
to offer moral support. "Are you okay?" I asked. "Can I
help?"

He lifted his head and replied, "I'll be fine as soon as
I get this idiot out of his locker."

______________________________________________________

"Sally," asked Linda one day, "what would you do if you
caught another woman fooling around with your husband?"

"With George?" Sally thought it over. "Let's see; I'd break
her cane, shoot her guide dog, and call a cab to take her
back to the funny-farm."

______________________________________________________

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor

has been earned by

Lawrence John Ripple,
70,
Kansas City,
Kansas

KCK bank robber, 70, chooses prison over home and wife

A 70-year-old man charged with robbing a Kansas City, Kan.,
bank said he did it because he preferred a jail cell over
living with his wife.

Lawrence John Ripple is charged in federal court with the
Friday afternoon robbery of the Bank of Labor at 756
Minnesota Ave.

According to court documents, Ripple handed a teller a note
that read, “I have a gun, give me money.”

The teller complied.

But instead of fleeing, Ripple took the money and then took a
seat in the bank lobby, according to the documents.

When a bank security guard approached him, Ripple told the
guard, “I’m the guy you’re looking for.”

The guard took the money from Ripple and held him until
police arrived, which wasn’t long, because Kansas City, Kan.,
police headquarters is on the same block.

When he was questioned later by investigators, Ripple told
him that he and his wife had argued and he “no longer wanted
to be in that situation,” according to the documents.

“Ripple wrote out his demand note in front of his wife … and
told her he’d rather be in jail than at home,” an FBI agent
wrote in the affidavit filed in support of the robbery
charge.

-----------------------------
From 2003
A BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rudolf M, from Serbia

Serbian made illegal border crossing to escape wife

A Serbian man who rode off on his bicycle to Romania in
anger after a row with his wife has been arrested for
crossing the border illegally.

The 46-year-old, named only as Rudolf M, says all he wanted
was to get as far away from his wife as possible but could
now face a jail term.

He was arrested just after he crossed the border with
Romania, roughly 20 miles from his home town of Kanjia,
Serbia, local media reported.

He told police: "All I wanted to do was put at least one
border between me and her."

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Bonnie
RE: Disk Cleanup
Dear Webby,
can you tell me how to run Disk Cleanup?  I am somewhat
computer illiterate.
Thanks.
Bonnie

Dear Bonnie
Right-Click START
Select  Open Windows Explorer
That is totally disorganized by somebody addicted to
bad dope, but with a bit of searching you can find
the top of the drive, that you want to clean up, for example
C:\
Right-click that and select Properties
Just below and to the right of the pie chart you see a
button for the Disk Cleanup.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

minister takes off his watch and puts it on the pulpit in
front of him when he starts his sermons?"

"Absolutely nothing," the father sighed,
"Absolutely nothing."

___________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,

______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Pork and Vegetable Harvest Stew

By Jess [160 Posts, 815 Comments]
My weekly organics box included lots of late summer veggies
like zucchini, corn and potatoes. I decided to make a hearty
stew for dinner. There were various hot peppers included this
week, too. I didn't know exactly what they were, so I just
chopped them up and threw them in. The stew starts off with a
relatively sweet flavor, but has a nice kick at the end.

Prep Time: 30 Minutes
Cook Time: 2 Hours
Total Time: 2.5 Hours
Yield: 8

Ingredients:
As I was working with fresh organic veggies, I had a lot of
chopping and prep involved. You could save some time by using
frozen veggies instead of fresh. I also cut off a section of
a pork loin that I'm planning on cooking later in the week.
You could use pork chops or any other type of meat you might
have handy. I did use Better than Bouillon chicken base. I
like it better than bouillon cubes and I didn't have any
liquid broth handy.
1-2 lb pork
3 Tbsp olive oil, divided
1 onion, chopped
2 Tbsp chopped garlic
1 lb potatoes, chopped
1 bunch carrots (5 large), sliced
5 peppers*, chopped and deseeded
2 cups corn kernels
1 qt chicken stock or bouillon
1 bunch Italian parsley, chopped
1 bunch kale, chopped
salt, pepper and Italian seasoning, to taste
Ingredients for Pork and Vegetable Harvest Stew
*Use whatever pepper your family enjoys. I used a combination
of hot and sweet ones. It would be also good with regular
bell peppers.

Steps:
Cut pork into cubes.

Brown the pork with oil in a hot stockpot or Dutch oven. Add
salt and pepper. Set aside.

Add more oil to the pot and cook chopped onions and garlic
until they start to brown.

Add corn, peppers and the cooked pork, including any juices.

Add zucchini and continue to cook for a couple of minutes.

Add chicken broth, carrots and potatoes and bring to a boil.

Reduce heat to a low simmer and cover pot. Cook on low for 1-
2 hours, until the potatoes and carrots are soft.

Add kale and parsley. Continue on simmer for 10 minutes or
so.

your liking. If the soup is too sweet, add in a bit of apple
cider or white wine vinegar to correct it. I also used a bit
of Worchestershire sauce to add flavor.

______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________

My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and
marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding
what marriage to my Mom would be like. The minister asked
my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she
said, "I do."

Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to
be your wife," and my Mom apparently said,
"He better, if he knows what's good for him!."

___________________________________________________

The Wish Granter

____________________________________________________

A troop of Boy Scouts was being used as "guinea pigs" in a
test of emergency systems. A mock earthquake was staged,
and the Scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to
be picked up and cared for by the emergency units.

One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his
rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and
the Scout lay "wounded" for several hours.

When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was
supposed to be, they found nothing but a  brief note:
"Have bled to death and gone home.
I will be back after supper."

____________________________________________________

A nervous young minister, new to the church, told the flock,
"For my text today, I will take the words, 'And they fed five
men with five thousand loaves of bread and two thousand
fishes.'"

A member of the flock snicked at the preacher's snafu, raised
his hand and said, "That's not much of a trick.  I could do
that."

The minister didn't respond. However, the next Sunday he
decided to repeat the text. This time he did it properly,
"And they fed five thousand men with five loaves of bread and
two fishes." Smiling, the minister said to the noisy man,
"Could you do that, Mr. Perkins?"

The member of the flock said, "I sure could."

"How would you do it?"

"With all the food I had left over from last Sunday!"

____________________________________________________

What an amazing world we live in.

____________________________________________________

Today on September 10 in
1608 John Smith was elected president of the Jamestown, VA
colony council.

1794 America's first non-denominational college was charted.
Blount College later became the University of Tennessee.

1813 The first defeat of British naval squadron occurred in
the Battle of Lake Erie during the War of 1812. The leader of
the U.S. fleet sent the famous message "We have met the
enemy, and they are ours" to U.S. General William Henry
Harrison.

1845 King Willem II opened Amsterdam Stock exchange.

1846 Elias Howe received a patent for his sewing machine.

1847 The first theater opened in Hawaii.

1897 British police arrest George Smith for drunken driving.
It was the first DWI.

1899 A second quake in seven days hit Yakutat Bay, AK. It
measured 8.6.

1913 The Lincoln Highway opened. It was the first paved
coast-to-coast highway in the U.S.

1919 New York City welcomed home 25,000 soldiers and General
John J. Pershing who had served in the First Division during
World War I.

1919 Austria and the Allies signed the Treaty of St.-Germain-
en-Laye. Austria recognized the independence of Poland,
Hungary, Czechoslovakia and Yugoslavia.

1921 The Ayus Autobahn in Germany opened near Berlin. The
road is known for its nonexistent speed limit.

1923 The Irish Free state joined the League of Nations.

1926 Germany joined the League of Nations.

1935 "Popeye" was heard on NBC radio for the first time.

1939 Canada declared war on Germany.

1940 In Britain, Buckingham Palace was hit by German bomb.

1942 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt mandated gasoline
rationing as part of the U.S. wartime effort.

1943 German forces began their occupation of Rome during
World War II.

1948 Mildred "Axis Sally" Gillars was indicted for treason in
Washington, DC. Gillars was a Nazi radio propagandist during
World War II. She was convicted and spent 12 years in prison.

1950 Eddie Cantor began working on TV on the "Colgate Comedy
Hour" on NBC.

1951 Britain began an economic boycott of Iran.

1953 Swanson began selling its first "TV dinner."

1955 "Gunsmoke" premiered on CBS.

1955 Bert Parks began a 25-year career as host of the "Miss
America Pageant" on NBC.

1956 Great Britain performed a nuclear test at Maralinga,
Australia.

1963 Twenty black students entered public schools in Alabama
at the end of a standoff between federal authorities and
Alabama governor George C. Wallace.

1989 Hungary gave permission to thousands of East German
refugees and visitors to immigrate to West Germany.

1990 Iran agreed to resume full diplomatic ties with past
enemy Iraq.

1990 Iraq's Saddam Hussein offered free oil to developing
nations in an attempt to win their support during the Gulf
War Crisis.

1998 U.S. President Clinton met with members of his Cabinet
to apologize, ask forgiveness and promise to improve as a
person in the wake of the scandal involving Monica Lewinsky.

1998 Northwest Airlines announced an agreement with pilots,
ending a nearly two-week walkout.

1999 A bronze sculpture of a war horse just over 24 feet high
was dedicated in Milan, Italy.

2002 Florida tested its new elections system. The test
resulted in polling stations opening late and problems
occurred with the touch screen voting machines.

2002 The "September 11: Bearing Witness to History" exhibit
opened at the Smithsonian's National Museum of American
History.

2002 Switzerland became the 190th member of the United
Nations.

2016  smiled.

”

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PayPal emails
Friday, September 9, 2016, 08:21 AMPosted by Administrator

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Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, Sept 9
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Oklahoma mother, daughter arrested after
incestuous marriage
______________________________________________________
Today, September 9, in
490 B.C. The Battle of Marathon took place between the
invading Persian army and the Athenian Army. The marathon
race was derived from the events that occurred surrounding
this battle.

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________

In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
--- Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993)

I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the
first step, and/or write the first word,
as soon as I get around to it.
--- Procrastinatus
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Good jokes always come back, no matter how often I send
them out.
Thanks to Kris for this classic:

A buddy of mine was flying from Seattle to San Francisco.
Unexpectedly, the plane stopped in Sacramento along the way.
The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay,
and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the
plane would re-board in 50 minutes.

Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was
blind. My buddy had noticed him as he walked by and could
tell the man was blind because his seeing eye dog lay
quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout
the entire flight. He could also tell he had flown this
very flight before because the pilot approached him, and
calling him by name, said, “Keith, we're in Sacramento
for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch
your legs?"  The blind guy replied, "No thanks, but maybe
my dog would like to stretch his legs."

Picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a
complete quiet stand still when they looked up and saw the
pilot walk off the plane with the Seeing Eye dog! The pilot
was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered.

They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying
to change airlines!

______________________________________________________

A barber runs out of his shop and down to the nearest corner
where a policeman is standing.

"Officer," he asks, "have you seen a man run by here?

"No I haven't. What's the problem?"

"The rotten bastard ran out of my shop without paying me!"

"This fellow," the officer asks, "does he have any
distinguishing features?"

"Well, yes," the barber replies.
"He's missing this here ear."

______________________________________________________

Beach Camo, from FB
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor

has been earned by

Patricia Spann, 43,
Misty Spann, 25,
Duncan,
Oklahoma

Oklahoma mother, daughter arrested after
incestuous marriage

A mother and daughter from Oklahoma are accused of having an
incestuous marriage.

Patricia Spann, 43, and Misty Spann, 25, were married in
March 2016 in Comanche County, court records show.

Police say Patricia is Misty’s biological mother.

Investigators with the Department of Human Services
discovered the illegal relationship in August while
investigating the children who were inside the Spanns’ home.

Misty and her two brothers were raised by a grandparent when
Patricia lost custody of them, an arrest affidavit states.

The DHS investigator told authorities that Patricia and Misty
reunited two years ago. Patricia told officials she didn’t
think she was breaking any laws by marrying Misty because her
name is no longer listed on her daughter’s birth
certificate.

A warrant was issued for their arrests on Friday.

Since then, Patricia and Misty have both been arrested and
booked into the Stephens County Jail for incest, a detective
told KFOR.

Bond was set at \$10,000 for each of the Spann women. They’re
due in court next month.

In Oklahoma, incest is a felony, and if convicted, is
punishable up to 10 years in prison.

Court records show this isn’t the first time Patricia has
married one of her own children.

She also married one of her sons in 2008.
However, court records show that marriage was annulled in
March 2010.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Rose
RE: PayPal Mails
Dear Webby,
How do you tell if one of those notices are REALLY from
PayPal or from some slimeball? They all look so legitimate
to me, no matter how hard I look.
Rose

Dear Rose
Unless you use MailWasher Pro, the fake ones look more
legitimate than the real one.

WITH MailWasher PRO, the fake ones show just a few
nonsense words and that there is some sort of picture.
In the MailWasher Pro Preview it's so obviously spam that
even your pet rock could tell at the first glance that it is
spam.

In MailWasher PRO there is a preview that shows what is
actually hidden under legitimate looking fake text. That
that mail, or just nuke it up on the server.

Hundreds of subscribers have written me, to thank me for
nagging them into getting MailWasher. So I'll
keep doing it. Nag, nag, nag!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

The Lord of the Manor had a butler called Wibble. One day he
called Wibble and said, "What about running my bath Wibble."

"Certainly, will there be anything else my lord?" said
Wibble.

"Yes Wibble, what about my dressing gown."

"Certainly, will there be anything else my lord?"

"Yes Wibble, what about my carpet slippers."

"Certainly, will there be anything else my lord?"

"No Wibble, If I require anything else I shall call you.
The old Lord lowers himself into the water, and lets go a
long fart.

Five minutes later, Wibble returns with a hot water bottle on
a silver tray.
"Here you are my Lord, your hot water bottle," says Wibble.

"I never asked for that," said his Lordship.

To which Wibble replied, "You did my Lord, as you lowered
yourself into the bath, I distinctly heard you say,

___________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,

______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
5 Ingredient Apple Tart

By attosa [237 Posts, 538 Comments]
his apple tart is so easy to make. The great thing is you
don't need any fancy equipment or fluted tart pans or
techniques. Just throw everything in a pan and put it in the
oven!

Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 40 minutes
Total Time: 50 minutes
Yield: 8 servings

Ingredients:
5 medium apples
1/2 cup sugar
1 1/4 cup all purpose flour
1 stick cold butter
2 Tbsp milk

Steps:
Preheat oven to 400 F. Move oven rack to lowest position.
Place flour in a big bowl. Chop up butter and use two forks
or a pastry cutter to mix the two until its a sand-like
texture.

Slowly add the milk while you mix the butter and flour until
it turns into dough.

Wrap in plastic and place dough in fridge for at least 30
minutes.

Pour your sugar into the bottom of the baking pan. I used a
dry 5 x 8 inch nonstick bundt pan.

Peel the apples, and cut into 12ths. It's best to use hard
apples with the least amount of juice, similar to Granny
Smith's.

Place the apples in rows on top of the sugar. Stack the rows

Remove the dough from the fridge and while it's still in
plastic, flatten it with a rolling pin until its the size of
the top of your pan full of apples. Check if the sizes match
by holding it over the pan.

When it's about the right size, cut the plastic off. You can
cut off any overhanging pieces to patch any holes.

Place the dough on your apples and tuck into the sides.

Bake in oven on lowest oven rack position for 40 minutes.

Remove from oven. Let cool for a few minutes. While it's
still warm, flip it over onto a large dish. Serve with cream,
if desired. :)

______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________

"Periodic Elements"
Valuable scientific data. Two proposed new additions to the
periodic table (from Chemistry class)elements:

Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there)
Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing
and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly.
Very bitter if mishandled.
Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses
strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic
food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier
specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for
dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income
reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180+/-50)
Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out
of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to
find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to
conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it
can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes
explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child)for prolonged
period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good
specimens are able to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes
and begins to smell.

___________________________________________________

difference in people's brains

____________________________________________________

One of my friends works in the customer service call center
of a national pager company. He deals with the usual
complaints regarding poor pager operation, as well as the
occasional crank caller demanding to be paged less often,
more often, or by more interesting people.

The best call came from a man who repeatedly complained that
he was being paged by "Lucille".

He was instructed that he would have to call her and tell her
to stop paging him.
"She don't never leave no number, so I can't call her back,"
he said. After three such calls, someone thought to ask how
he knew it was Lucille if she didn't leave a number.

"She leaves her name" was the reply. After establishing that
the customer had a numeric-only pager, the light bulb came
on.
"How does she spell her name?" the service rep asked.

"L-O-W C-E-L-L"
____________________________________________________

Little Johnny's teacher sent a note home to his Mother
saying, "Johnny seems to be a very bright boy, but spends
too much of his time thinking about sex and girls."

The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a
with his Father."

____________________________________________________

This man has some serious talent!

____________________________________________________

Today on September 9 in
490 B.C. The Battle of Marathon took place between the
invading Persian army and the Athenian Army. The marathon
race was derived from the events that occurred surrounding
this battle.

1776 The second Continental Congress officially made the term
"United States", replacing the previous term "United
Colonies."

1850 California became the 31st state to join the union.

1904 Mounted police were used for the first time in the City
of New York.

1911 Italy declared war on the Ottoman Turks and annexed
Libya, Tripolitania, and Cyrenaica in North Africa.

1919 The majority of Boston's police force went on strike.
The force was made up of 1,500 men.

1919 Alexander Graham Bell and Casey Baldwin's HD-4, a
hydrofoil craft, set a world marine speed record.

1942 Japan dropped incendiaries over the Pacific rainforest
in an attempt to set fire to the forests in Oregon and
Washington. The forest did not ignite.

1943 During World War II Allied forces landed at Taranto and
Salerno.

1948 North Korea became the People's Democratic Republic of
Korea.

1957 The first civil rights bill to pass Congress since
Reconstruction was signed into law by U.S. President
Eisenhower.

1965 French President Charles de Gaulle announced that France
was withdrawing from NATO to protest the domination of the
U.S. in the organization.

1971 Gordie Howe of the Detroit Red Wings retired from the
National Hockey League (NHL).

1981 Nicaragua declared a state of economic emergency and
banned strikes.

1983 The Soviet Union announced that the Korean jetliner that
was shot down on September 1, 1983 was not an accident or an
error.

1986 Frank Reed was taken hostage in Lebanon by pro-Iranian
kidnappers. The director of a private school in Lebanon was
released 44 months later.

1986 Ted Turner presented the first of his colorized films on
WTBS in Atlanta, GA.

1986 Gennadiy Zakharov was indicted by a New York jury on
espionage charges. Zakharov was a Soviet United Nations
employee.

1993 Israeli and PLO leaders agreed to recognize each other.

1994 The U.S. agreed to accept about 20,000 Cuban immigrants
a year. This was in return for Cuba's promise to halt the
flight of refugees.

1994 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off on an 11-day
mission.

1997 Sinn Fein, the IRA's political ally, formally renounced
violence as it took its place in talks on Northern Ireland's
future.

1998 Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr delivered to the U.S.
Congress 36 boxes of material concerning his investigation of
U.S. President Clinton.

1998 Four tourists who had paid \$32,500 each were taken in
submarine to view the wreckage of the Titanic. The ship is 2
miles below the Atlantic off Newfoundland.

1999 The Sega Dreamcast game system went on sale. By 1:00pm
all Toys R Us locations in the U.S. had sold out.

2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 100 million applications

2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 1.8 billion applications

2014 Apple unveiled the iPhone 6, iPhone 6 Plus, Apple Watch,
Apple Watch Sport and Apple Watch Edition.

2016  smiled.

”

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Spreadsheet problem when pasting numbers from WORD
Thursday, September 8, 2016, 11:57 AMPosted by Administrator

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Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, September 8

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Burglar Doused Puppy In Purple Paint After
Breaking Into Massachusetts Residence
______________________________________________________
Today, September 8, in
1565 A Spanish expedition established the first permanent
European settlement in North America at present-day St.
Augustine, FL.

More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Did you ever see the customers in health-food store?
They are pale, skinny people who look half dead.
In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people.
They're dying, of course, but they look terrific!
--- Bill Cosby.

You cannot make a man by standing a sheep on its hind legs.
But by standing a flock of sheep in that position you can
make a crowd of men.
--- Max Beerbohm (1872 - 1956)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Sent in by Linda:
2000 Mile Ambulance trip to die at home

Ambulance brings man from B.C. to Saskatchewan to fulfil
dying wish 2,000-kilometre trip from Victoria to Moose Jaw
satisfies Jim Jeffery's desire to be home.
______________________________________________________

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a fishing rod and reel.
She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one
and goes over to the register.  There is a Wal-Mart
"associate" standing there with dark shades on.  She says,
and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am I'm blind but if you will drop it on the
counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it
from the sound that it makes."

She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway.

He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and
10 lb. test line. It's a good all around rod and reel and
it's \$20.00".

She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by
the sound of it dropping on the counter.  I think it's what
I'm looking for so I'll take it."

He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the
meantime the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but
then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was
her..being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only
person around.

He rings up the sale and says, "That will be \$25.50."

She says, "But didn't you say it was \$20.00?"

He replied, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is \$20.00, the duck
call is \$3.00, and the catfish stink bait is \$2.50."

______________________________________________________

From my Lilemor

I Love this orange rosebush by the kitchen window. ( a just
trimmed jasmine hedge in the background). Thought I’d share.
~ Lillemor

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

has been earned by

Felix Reagan,
Oak Bluffs,
Massachusetts

Burglar Doused Puppy In Purple Paint After
Breaking Into Massachusetts Residence

After breaking into a home on Martha’s Vineyard, a
Massachusetts man removed a four-month-old puppy from its
crate and then doused the animal in purple paint, according
to police who busted the man on a variety of criminal
charges.

Investigators allege that Felix Reagan burglarized a home in
Oak Bluffs Saturday afternoon and later stole an automobile
that he subsequently crashed.

The burglary victim, Tamara Gemme-Crawford, said that a
ground level window had been forced in and several items were
taken from her residence. Additionally, cops noted, “the
victim’s dog had been painted with purple paint.”

In a Facebook post directed at Reagan, Gemme-Crawford wrote
that, “you took my 4 mo. old puppy out of the safety of his
crate where he was no threat to you and poured paint all over
him, you put him outside in a strange area like a dirty shoe,
and for That I will NEVER forgive you !!”

When police received a description of the disheveled burglar
from a neighbor, they immediately suspected Reagan, who was
busted in June for a similar break-in. When cops located
Reagan, he was in possession of “prescription pills, a
driver’s license and credit cards” taken from the burglarized
home.

Reagan (seen above) was charged with breaking and entering,
auto theft, destruction of property, cruelty to animals,
narcotics possession, and assault on a police officer.

In her Facebook post, Gemme-Crawford called Reagan a “cruel
low life animal abuser,” and pledged, “I will be there in the
court to watch you cry like a baby when you are not allowed
to go home!!!!”

Gemme-Crawford's dog, a border collie named Grayson, was in
his crate in a closed, air-conditioned room. “He had water
and his toys and he was not a threat to anyone,” she said.

Gemme-Crawford surmised that the dog--who was not injured by
the paint--was barking since Reagan appeared to have given
the animal a bag of apple fritters before dousing him with
paint found in a cabinet. Reagan, Gemme-Crawford added, then
“threw him out the door.”

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: BF
RE: Spreadsheet does not like data from WORD
Dear Webby,
data from a WORD doc, I get weird results. Also, I notice
that some of the numbers are not lined up the same way as the
others. How can I fix that ?
BF

Dear BF
Some of those numbers are not real numbers but just text.
If there was a space in front or the back when it was pasted,
then the spreadsheet treated it as text.
Just highlight the cell and retype the number. That is
usually faster than looking for an extra space in the front
OR back.

When the number lines up with the other numbers, then it will
count correctly.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

Cassie walked into a gift shop that sold religious items.
Near the cash register she saw a display of caps with WWJD
printed on all of them.

She was puzzled over what the letters could mean, but
couldn't figure it out, so she asked the clerk.
The clerk replied that the letters stood for "What Would
Jesus Do", and was meant to inspire people to not make rash
decisions, but rather to imagine what Jesus would do in the
same situation.

Cassie thought a moment and then replied,
"Well, I don't think Jesus would pay \$17.95 for one of
these caps."

___________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,

______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
WWI Spice Cake

By Paige P. [3 Posts, 3 Comments]
This recipe contains no eggs, milk or butter. This is an
authentic World War I cake that was popular when rationing
was in full force in England. It's a dense spice cake that
goes with pretty much anything. Coffee, ice cream, a cold
glass of milk, hot chocolate, well, you get the idea.

Prep Time: 30 minutes
Cook Time: 1 hour
Total Time: 1 hour 30 minutes
Yield: 8 slices

Ingredients:
1 cup water
1/3 cup shortening
1 cup brown sugar
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp ground cloves
1/4 tsp ground nutmeg
2 cups flour
1/4 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp baking powder

Steps:
Combine water, shortening, cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg, and
brown sugar into small saucepan. Bring to boil and cook 3
minutes. Allow to cool.
Meanwhile, combine flour, salt, baking powder and baking
soda.
When cooked mixture cools, combine with dry ingredients. Mix
until smooth.

Pour into greased 1.5 quart baking dish or loaf pan.

Bake in 350 degree F oven for one hour.

Source: I found it online, can't remember when or where.

______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________

A man goes to see the doctor because he has a sore throat.
The nurse tells him to take all his clothes off and sit on
the bench in the hall. The man tries to protest, but the
nurse doesn't listen and just repeats the same orders then
leaves the area.

The man complies with her orders and joins another naked man
sitting on the bench. The man starts complaining to the man
already sitting there, that he only has a sore throat and
doesn't understand why he has to take all his clothes off.
The man who was already sitting on the bench nude, looks at
the other man and says
"You think that's bad, I'm just here to deliver the roofing
bill."

___________________________________________________

ballerina magician

____________________________________________________

During a phone conversation, my nephew mentioned that
he was taking a psychology course at university.

"Oh, great," I said, "Now you'll be analyzing everyone in
the family."

"No, no," he replied. "I don't take abnormal psychology
until next semester."

____________________________________________________

Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian
said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this
turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and settle my
guilt?"

"Certainly not," said the Priest. "As penance, you must
return it to the one from whom you stole it."

"I tried," Brian sobbed, "but he refused. Oh, Father, what
should I do?"

"If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to

Thanking the Priest, Brian hurried off.

When confession was over, the Priest returned to his
residence. When he walked into the kitchen, he found that

____________________________________________________

Ever heard of spider frost? Gives me shivers!

____________________________________________________

Today on September 8 in
1565 A Spanish expedition established the first permanent
European settlement in North America at present-day St.
Augustine, FL.

1664 The Dutch surrendered New Amsterdam to the British, who
then renamed it New York.

1866 The first recorded birth of sextuplets took place in
Chicago, IL. The parents were James and Jennie Bushnell.

1892 An early version of "The Pledge of Allegiance" appeared
in "The Youth's Companion."

1893 In New Zealand, the Electoral Act 1893 was passed by the
Legislative Council. It was consented by the governor on
September 19 giving all women in New Zealand the right to
vote.

1935 U.S. Senator Huey P. Long, "The Kingfish" of Louisiana
politics, was shot and mortally wounded. He died two days
later.

1945 In Washington, DC, a bus equipped with a two-way radio
was put into service for the first time.

1945 Bess Myerson of New York was crowned Miss America. She
was the first Jewish contestant to win the title.

1951 A peace treaty with Japan was signed by 48 other nations
in San Francisco, CA.

1952 The Ernest Hemingway novel "The Old Man and the Sea" was
published.

1960 NASA's Marshall Space Flight Center in Huntsville, AL,
was dedicated by U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower. The
facility had been activated in July earlier that year.

1966 NBC-TV aired the first episode of "Star Trek" entitled
"The Man Trap". The show was canceled on September 2, 1969.

1974 U.S. President Ford granted an unconditional pardon to
former U.S. President Nixon.

1975 In Boston, MA, public schools began their court-ordered
citywide busing program amid scattered incidents of violence.

1997 America Online acquired CompuServe.

1999 Russia's Mission Control switched off the Mir space
station's central computer and other systems to save energy
during a planned six months of unmanned flights.

2015 British researchers announced that evidence of a larger
Stonehenge location. There were 90 buried stones that had
been found by ground penetrating radar.

2016  smiled.

”

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How to turn off  Auto-Complete
Wednesday, September 7, 2016, 07:33 AMPosted by Administrator

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Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, September 7

Thank you, Michael!!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Florida woman thought she set her ex boyfriend's car
on fire, but it wasn't his.
______________________________________________________
Today, September 7, in
1812 - Napoleon defeated the Russian army of Alexander I
at the battle of Borodino.

More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________

There are more fools in the world than there are people.
--- Heinrich Heine (1797 - 1856)

There is no such thing as an underestimate of
average intelligence.
--- Henry Adams (1838 - 1918)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Coming out of church, Mrs. Smith asked her husband,
"Do you think that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?"

"I didn't notice," admitted Mr. Smith.

"And that dress Mrs. Davis was wearing," continued Mrs.
Smith, "Really, don't tell me you think that's the
proper outfit for a mother of two."

"I'm afraid I didn't notice that either," said Mr. Smith.

"Oh, for heaven's sake," snapped Mrs. Smith. "A lot of
good it does you to go to church!"

______________________________________________________

A man will pay \$2 for a \$1 item he wants.
A woman will pay \$3.99 for a \$1 item that she
doesn't want but that is on sale.

______________________________________________________

This one bloomed today.

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor

has been earned by

Carmen Chamblee,
19,
Clearwater,
Florida

Florida woman thought she set her ex boyfriend's car
on fire, but it wasn't his.

Carmen Chamblee thought she was entitled to set her ex-
boyfriend's car on fire.

But there was just one little problem with her plan — the car
wasn't his. Whoops.

Newsy's partners at WFTS report 19-year-old Carmen Chamblee
was captured on surveillance video before and after she set
the Honda Accord's trunk ablaze on Aug. 27. Witnesses say
they saw her ride away from the scene on a bicycle.

But the Clearwater Police Department was able to identify her
and took her into custody.

Chamblee told police she thought the now-charred car was
owned by her former boyfriend.

The vehicle belonged to Thomas Jennings. He told WFTS it was
his roommate who discovered the car completely engulfed in
flames. "He came running into the house saying my car was on
fire. We ran out there. He had a pot of water trying to get
it to put it out, but the fire was too much," Jennings said.

Chamblee has been charged with second-degree arson and was
taken to Pinellas County Jail for booking.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Daniel
RE: Turn off auto-complete
Dear Webby,
I am a train buff.i have a site I checked out as best I
could.train covers a lot of territory and fills the screen.
it is "www.planesoft.com" quick question.where do you turn
off " suggest answers " when you type in what you are looking
for "? I have windows7 and Microsoft outlook.
thanks,
Daniel

Dear Daniel
The answer to that depends on the browser you use.
Go to
Computerhope
They have the answers for all the different browsers all
neatly sorted ouit.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

Jerry was hired by a supermarket and reported for his first
day of work.  The manager greeted him with a warm handshake
and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will
be to sweep the entire store."

"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied
indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry.  I didn't know that," said the manager.
"Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how to do it."

___________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,

______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing Gas Odor from Car Carpet

By Ethel Gerberick [6 Posts, 37 Comments]
I spilled gasoline in the trunk of my car. I solved the odor
problem by laying newspaper over the carpet where it was
spilled. The paper absorbed the odor and there was no stain
to even see where it was spilled. The problem was solved!
By Ethel G. from PA

Gas Off at Walmart. I use probably a bottle/month.
Does the trick.

By guest (Guest Post)
For the removal of petroleum odors I have used brake cleaner
it will evaporate most petroleum based chemicals it gives off
a bad odor that will pass in a very short time. It evaporates
at very low temperatures but extremely good ventilation is a
must. Spot test an area for color fast and degradation.

Pros usually use Zorb-All (Sorb-All or any generic
equivalent) from any automotive parts store. It looks like
the original kitty litter used to. Zorb-All comes in BIG, but
light weight bags and is very cheap. It absorbs any petroleum
product, even sucks old oil from driveways and garage floors.
Just sprinkle it on, spread it and walk on it or pat it a
bit, let it sit overnight, and vacuum it up in the morning.
Stains and smells are gone. The gas or oil may have caused
some discoloration, but the Zorb-All doesn't discolor
anything.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________

Not too long ago a large seminar was held for ministers in
training.

Among the speakers were many well known motivational
speakers. One such boldly approached the podium and,
gathering the entire crowd's attention said,
"The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a
woman who wasn't my wife."

The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that
woman was my mother." The crowed burst into laugher and he
gave his speech, which went over well.

the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he
shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to
rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy for him.

Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest
years in my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was
not my wife!"

His congregation gasped. After standing there for almost 10
seconds trying to remember the second half of the joke, the
pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she
was!"

___________________________________________________

Rope Trick

____________________________________________________

Waxing eloquent on the dangers of sinning, one dynamic young
preacher boomed to the congregation from the pulpit,
"Brothers and sisters, if there are any among you who have
sinned and are unrepentant, may your tongue cleave to the

____________________________________________________

To be happy with a man, a woman must understand
him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, a man must love her a lot
and not expect to ever understand her at all.

____________________________________________________

What a great project for a teenager to take on during summer vacation.

____________________________________________________

Today on September 7 in

1812 - Napoleon defeated the Russian army of Alexander I at
the battle of Borodino.

1813 The nickname "Uncle Sam" was first used as a symbolic
reference to the United States. The reference appeared in an
editorial in the New York's Troy Post.

1822 Brazil declared its independence from Portugal.

1880 George Ligowsky was granted a patent for his device that
threw clay pigeons for trapshooters.

1888 Edith Eleanor McLean became the first baby to be placed
in an incubator.

1896 A.H. Whiting won the first automobile race held on a
racetrack. The race was held in Cranston, RI.

1901 The Boxer Rebellion began in China ending the Peace of
Beijing.

1915 Johnny Gruelle received a patent for his Raggedy Ann
doll. (U.S. Patent D47789)

1921 Margaret Gorman of Washington, DC, was crowned the first
Miss America in Atlantic City, NJ.

1927 Philo T. Farnsworth succeeded in transmitting an image
through purely electronic means by using an image dissector.

1930 The cartoon "Blondie" made its first appearance in the
comic strips.

1940 London received its initial rain of bombs from Nazi
Germany during World War II.

1942 During World War II, the Russian army counter attacked
the German troops outside the city of Stalingrad.

1971 "The Beverly Hillbillies" was seen for the final time on
CBS-TV.

1977 The Panama Canal treaties were signed by U.S. President
Carter and General Omar Torrijos Herrera. The treaties called
for the U.S. to turn over control of the canal's waterway to
Panama in the year 2000.

1979 ESPN, the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network,
made its debut on cable TV.

1983 In Ireland, voters approved a constitutional ammendment
that banned abortion.

1984 American Express Co. issued the first of its Platinum
charge cards.

1986 President Augusto Pinochet survived an assassination

1986 Desmond Tutu was the first black to be installed to lead
the Anglican Church in southern Africa.

1987 Erich Honecker became the first East German head of
state to visit West Germany.

1989 Legislation was approved by the U.S. Senate that
prohibited discrimination against the handicapped in
employment, public accommodations, transportation and
communications.

1995 U.S. Senator Bob Packwood announced that he would resign
after 27 years in the Senate.

1999 Viacom Inc. announced that it had plans to buy CBS Corp.

2016  smiled.

”

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Tuesday, September 6, 2016, 10:01 AMPosted by Administrator

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Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, September 6

Thank you, Michael!!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Norvegian man's complaint to Ikea after testicle
gets trapped in shower stool is hilarious
______________________________________________________
Today, September 6, in
1620 The Pilgrims left on the Mayflower from Plymouth,
England to settle in the New World.

More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________

They always talk who never think.
--- Matthew Prior (1664 - 1721)

The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly',
meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks',
meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.
--- Larry Hardiman

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you
to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
--- Socratex

"Chaperons, even in their days of glory,
were almost never able to enforce morality;
what they did was to force immorality to
be discreet. This is no small contribution."
--- Judith Martin
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Chris for this one:
"You know the world is going crazy when
the best rapper is a white guy,
the best golfer is a black guy,
the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese,
the Swiss hold the America's Cup,
France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance,
Germany doesn't want to go to war,
and the three most powerful men in America
are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'"

______________________________________________________

A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears.
"Oh, Mom, I tried to make Grandmother's meat loaf for
dinner tonight, and it's just awful!  I followed the recipe
exactly, and I know I have the recipe right because it's
the one you gave me. But it just didn't come out right,
and I'm so upset. I wanted this to be so special for
George because he loves meat loaf.  What could have
gone wrong?"

Her mother replied soothingly, "Well, dear, let's go
through the recipe. You read it out loud and tell me
exactly what you did at each step, and together we'll
figure it out."

"OK," the bride sniffled.
"Well, it starts out, ' Take fifty cents worth of ground beef
'..."

______________________________________________________

From FB

In 1971, that was me!
Without the salmon, I found, I could run a lot faster.

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

has been earned by

45,
politician,
Norway

Man's complaint to Ikea after testicle
gets trapped in shower stool is hilarious

A man's Facebook post has gone viral after he got his
genitals trapped in an Ikea stool while attempting to have a
sit down in the shower.

Photographer and politician Claus Jørstad, 45, struggles with
a bad knee and needs to sit down in the shower.

He purchased a red stool model called 'Marius' at his local
Ikea store to ensure he could be comfy while having his daily
wash. But things didn't quite go to plan when Claus sat down
on the chair and got an important body part stuck in its
holes.

After the painful incident, Claus wrote on Ikea's Norwegian
message has now been shared more than 13,000 times.

Ikea apologized. Apparently they had not expected such
miniature features on anybody.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Sal
RE: Free screensavers
Dear Webby,
I got a bunch of ads about free screen savers. Are they safe?
Thanks
Sal

Dear Sal
It's time to grow up.
You did not get any ads. You got SPAM.
You know that Spammers Lie.

Why would a spammer pay a few hundred dollars to send
spam to 100 Million people, to give them something for free ?
Because his "free screensaver" is his back door into your
computer.

Unless you like having a bunch of crooks controlling your
computer and using it behind your back for their nefarious
purposes, it would be wise to NOT give them a back door.

There are tons of decent screensavers available from
legitimate companies. There is absolutely no need to
endanger all your credit card and bank info and control
over your computer by dealing with spammers.

First answer this: Why do you think you need a screensaver?
To amuse your goldfish while you are sleeping?
I read that goldfish prefer the built in Mystique
screensaver.

Second: Modern monitors don't need screensavers. They don't
burn in the start menu and desktop like the old IBM greenies
did.

If you need a screensaver to cover up the x-rated yoga site,
that you like visiting, use the built in screen savers. Some
are quite good. You can also make your own. Put all the
pictures that you want to have in a slide show into one
folder, then RIGHT-click the desktop,
Personalize (at the bottom)
Screensaver  (right bottom)
Photos
Settings
Browse to the folder with your amazing collection of sunsets
Select that, set the number of minutes of inactivity to wait
before it starts,
Apply
OK.

That is all there is to it.

and change themes by simply inserting a different chip.
Change the theme from technical drawings to romantic forests
even faster than changing the settings.

Remember the nice little round clock you could use in the
right bottom corner? Genuine, from Windows.
Then they blocked it, because some hackers used it's code to
engineer a back door and built that into supposedly free
There was much howling and complaining when Microsoft
murdered and banned that clock. However, they did not give
in. After all, they are not in business to please you, and
don't want to get sued.

Most of the dwonloadable screensavers are a real threat. It
is best to just use the built in screensavers or make your
own.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

Sam and Mike are walking from religious service.
Sam wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while
praying.

Mike replies, "Why don't you ask Father Smith?"

So Sam goes up to Father Smith and asks,
"Father, may I smoke while I pray?"

But Father says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter
disrespect to our religion."

Sam goes back to his friend and tells him what the good
Father told him.

Mike says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question.
Let me try."

And so Mike goes up to Father Smith and asks,
"Father, may I pray while I smoke?"

To which Father Smith eagerly replies,
"By all means, my son. By all means. Sure you can
pray while you smoke."

___________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,

______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Black Eyed Peas with Ham

By lalala... [771 Posts, 103 Comments]
My mom's dad made black eyed peas when she was a child, and
she recently taught my daughter how to make this dish for a
school project. It is a family tradition to make black eyed
peas on New Years for good luck.

Black Eyed Peas with Ham
Ingredients:
3 cups ham, diced
1 lb dried black eyed peas, rinsed
1 medium onion
1/4 cup crumbled bacon
1 Tbsp canola oil
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 tsp oregano
salt, to taste

Steps:
Dice up ham and set aside.

Rinse and drain the back eyed peas.

Cook and crumble up bacon.

Dice onion and mince garlic.

Heat oil in a large pot, then add onion and garlic. Sauté
until translucent and tender.

Add ham and bacon. Brown ham slightly.

Add oregano and stir to combine.

Add black eyed peas and 4 cups of water.

Increase heat to HIGH and bring to a boil. Then reduce heat
to MED-HIGH. Cover and cook for 20-30 minutes or until beans
are soft. Stir occasionally. Note: Add more water to keep
beans covered, if necessary.

Serve with rice and enjoy!

______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________

Bill was taking a flight to New York. He boards the
plane, finds his seat and settles in, but does not
fasten his seatbelt. The flight attendant comes down
the aisle and see Bill's unfastened seatbelt and says,
"Sir, you need to fasten your seatbelt for takeoff."

Macho Bill says, "Not necessary to do that, Superman
doesn't need a seatbelt."

"Superman," the flight attendant said, "is not allowed to
fly with United either."

___________________________________________________

Rope Trick

____________________________________________________

A man is at Grand Central Station waiting for his train that
leaves at 6 p.m., but he has forgotten his watch. So he
looks
for someone to ask the time. He spots a guy carrying two
suitcases and sporting this fabulous hi-tech watch, so he

The guy replies "Sure, which country?"

The fella asks, "How many countries have you got?" to
which the man replies, "All the countries in the world!"

"Wow! That's a pretty cool watch you've got there."

"That's nothing," the man says. "This watch also has a
GPS facility, fax, e-mail and can even receive NTSC
television channels and display them on its miniature
active color matrix LCD screen!"

"Boy, that's incredible. I wish I had a watch like that one.
You wouldn't consider selling it by any chance?"

"Well, actually the novelty has worn off for me, so for \$900,

if you want it, it's yours."

The watchless traveler can hardly whip out his checkbook
fast enough to hand over a check for \$900.

The seller takes off the watch and gives it to him.
"Congratulations, here is you new hi-tech watch."
Then, handing the two suitcases over as well, he says,
"And here are the batteries."

____________________________________________________

What did you learn from your mom?

My Mom taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside, I just
finished cleaning!"

My Mom taught me RELIGION -
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My Mom taught me about TIME TRAVEL -
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the
middle of next week!"

My Mom taught me LOGIC -
"Because I said so, that's why."

My Mom taught me FORESIGHT -
"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an
accident."

My Mom taught me IRONY -
"Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."

My Mom taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -

My Mom taught me about CONTORTIONISM -
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My Mom taught me about STAMINA -
"You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished."

My Mom taught me about WEATHER -

My Mom taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you,
would you listen then?"

My Mom taught me about HYPOCRISY -
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times...
Don't Exaggerate!!!"

My Mom taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -
"I brought you into this world and I can take you out."

My Mom taught me about ENVY -  "There are millions of
less fortunate children in this world who don't have
wonderful parents like you do!"

AND MY ALL TIME FAVORITE
My Mom taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -
"Stop acting like your father! You look like an idiot!"

____________________________________________________

My family loved watching Little House on the Prairie.

____________________________________________________

Today on September 6 in

1620 The Pilgrims left on the Mayflower from Plymouth,
England to settle in the New World.

1819 Thomas Blanchard patented a machine called the lathe.
They had been in use for a few hundred years, but never been
patented.

1876 The Southern Pacific rail line from Los Angeles to San
Francisco was completed.

1899 Carnation processed its first can of evaporated milk.

1901 U.S. President William McKinley was shot and mortally
wounded (he died eight days later) by Leon Czolgosz.
Czolgosz, an American anarchist, was executed the following
October.

1909 Robert Peary, American explorer, sent word that he had
reached the North Pole. He had reached his goal five months
earlier.

1939 South Africa declared war on Germany.

1941 Jews in German-occupied areas were ordered to wear the
Star of David with the word "Jew" inscribed. The order only
applied to Jews over the age of 6.

1944 During World War II, the British government relaxed
blackout restrictions and suspended compulsory training for
the Home Guard.

1948 Queen Juliana of the Netherlands was crowned.

1972 Rick DeMont lost the gold medal he received in a 400-
meter swimming event because a banned drug was found in his
system during routine drug testing.

1975 Martina Navratilova requested political asylum while in
New York for the U.S. Open Tennis Tournament.

1978 James Wickwire and Louis Reichardt reached the top of
the world's second largest mountain, Pakistan's K-2. They
were the first Americans to reach the summit. Solo climber
Reinhold Messner had reached it in the 60's.

1990 Iraq warned that anyone trying to flee the country
without permission would be put in prison for life.

1991 The State Council of the Soviet Union recognized the
independence of the Baltic states.

1991 The name St. Petersburg was restored to Russia's second
largest city. The city was founded in 1703 by Peter the
Great. The name has been changed to Petrograd (1914) and to

1992 A 35-year old man died ten weeks after receiving a
transplanted baboon liver.

1993 Renault of France and Volvo of Sweden announced they
were merging. Volvo eventually canceled the deal the
following December.

1995 U.S. Senator Bob Packwood was expelled by the Senate
Ethics Committee.

2000 The U.N. Millennium Summit began in New York. It was the
largest gathering of world leaders in history with more than
150 present.

2001 The U.S. Justice Department announced that it was
seeking a lesser antitrust penalty and would not attempt to
break up Microsoft.

2001 Ebay Inc. was found not liable for copyright
infringement because bootleg copies of a Charles Manson
documentary had been sold on the site.

2002 In New York, the U.S. Congress convened at Federal Hall
for a rare special session. The session was held in New York
to express the nation's mourning for the loss on September
11, 2001 and unity in the war against terrorism.

2002 At the Smithsonian American Art Museum, the exhibition
"George Catlin and His Indian Gallery" went on view. The
exhibit contained over 400 objects.

2016  smiled.

”

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Interrupted Malwarebytes installation
Monday, September 5, 2016, 10:22 AMPosted by Administrator

var gaJsHost = (("https:" == document.location.protocol) ? "https://ssl." : "http://www.");
document.write(unescape("%3Cscript src='" + gaJsHost + "google-analytics.com/ga.js' type='text/javascript'%3E%3C/script%3E"));

try {
var pageTracker = _gat._getTracker("UA-6672100-1");
pageTracker._trackPageview();
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<!--
//-->

Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, September 5

Have FUN!
DearWebby

at 75 MPH with His 2-Year-Old Unbuckled in Car
______________________________________________________
Today, September 5, in
1914 The Battle of the Marne began. The Germans, British and
French fought for six days killing half a million people.

More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
A man is called selfish,
not for pursuing his own good,
but for neglecting his neighbor's.
--- Richard Whately

Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug.
--- John Lithgow

The cure for boredom is curiosity.
There is no cure for curiosity.
--- Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

and a test question was, "What was the largest amphibious
assault of all time?"

Expecting to see "the D-Day invasion" as the answer, I found
instead on one paper, "Moses and the plague of frogs."

______________________________________________________

My friend's neighbor in New York had a beautiful black
cat, Felix, who spent his days outside and came indoors
at night. One cool October evening, he disappeared. The
neighbor searched for him in vain for several days. The
following spring, however, Feliz reappeared, looking
healthy and clean. She figured he's been out sowing his
wild oats. Everything was back to normal until that
autumn, when Felix disappeared again.

The next spring, he returned. Perplexed, my aunt's
friend began asking neighbors for clues. Finally, she
rang the bell of an older couple who lived down the
street.

"A black cat?" the woman said. "Oh, yes! My husband and
I hated to see him out in the cold, so we bought a cat
carrier. We take him to Florida with us every winter."

______________________________________________________

From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor

has been earned by

Nathan Weitzel,
29,
Arapahoe,

Dad Intentionally Crashes Into Several Cars at 75 MPH
with His 2-Year-Old Unbuckled in Car

Nathan Weitzel took his 2-year-old son Isaiah to a park to
play. But while the dad was watching him, he was plotting
the unthinkable.

Weitzel was devising ways he could kill his own son. Once an
idea hit him, he placed Isaiah into his car seat
'intentionally' unbuckled.

Then, the 29-year-old part time father did something that
would break the heart of any loving parent. He sped up to 75
miles per hour and crashed into multiple cars.

At the end of his vehicular assault, Weitzel ended up in a
stranger's driveway.

The stranger, Nancy Rosa, approached the totaled car to see
Weitzel elbowing Isaiah in the head. Rosa called 911
immediately.

Fortunately, Weitzel didn't get away from the scene before
police arrived. Fox 59 reported on the sickening reason
behind Weitzel's inexcusable actions:
When police arrived at the scene, Weitzel told them he was
trying to kill his son. Weitzel allegedly told investigators
“the reason he wanted to kill Isaiah was because being a
father was a big responsibility and he did not think he was
man enough to raise a child.”

According to the police report, he had used cocaine earlier
in the day.

As a result of Weitzel's crime, Isaiah needed surgery to
place five screws in his knee, ripped a muscle in his neck,
and required more than 20 stitches on his head.

Isaiah has recovered to the point that he doesn't need to be
on oxygen and was able to return home, where he is now
lying
in a body cast.

His father has been charged with the following:

Attempted murder
Child abuse
Criminal mischief
Possession of a control substance, and
Vehicular assault

Isaiah's mom, Nancy Lopez, said of Weitzel's actions:
"He's not in a place that he should be. And he needs to be
in jail for a long time."
As for little Isaiah, he's going to be in recovery for a
while. It's going to be two months until he can walk again,
but when he does, all signs point to the fact that he'll be
climbing around and playing again. And as his mom says,
"He's a really good climber."

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Nita
RE: Interrupted malwarebytes installation
Dear Webby,
I started to activate Malware Bytes having purchased it from
submitting my credit card, I had to interrupt the process.
I didn't pay enough attention to the screen then giving the
process for continuing the installation.  I have the key
number I was given but don't know how to get back to the
correct place to finish.
Thanks,
Goofus

Dear Nita
run it,
and where it says to fill in your key number, paste it.
It's the same as when you are installing it on your second
or third machine.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

Lady of the house: "I want you to stand at the front door
and call the guests' names as they arrive."

"Very well, Madam!" the butler beamed.
"I've been wanting to do that for years!"

___________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,

______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Drinking Straw Brush for Electric Fans

By Robyn
We use fans at our house, and I needed something to be able
to help keep them in optimum condition. I made a stiff
little brush out of a drinking straw, and now I can use that
brush to keep debris from the front and especially the back
of the fans.

A stiff 3" bristle sidewalk broom
without the handle works quite well. If you spray the
grilles afterward with furniture polish, dust won't stick
to them.
The same trick works well on AC grilles too.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________

Thanks to Chris for a nice old classic. The first time I saw

this one, the story teller claimed that it was true and
mentioned a certain zoo in Tennessee.

A small Wild Animal Park acquired a very rare species of
gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla, who was a female,
became very difficult to handle.

Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the
problem. The gorilla was in heat and to make matters worse,
there was no male gorilla available. Reflecting on their
problem, the park administrator thought of Eddie, a part-
time intern, who was responsible for cleaning the animal's
cages.

Eddie, had little sense, but possessed ample ability. The
park administrator thought they might have a solution. Eddie
was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to
mate with the gorilla for \$500.00?

Eddie showed some interest, but said he would have to think
the matter over carefully.

The following day, Eddie announced that he would accept
their offer, but only under the following four conditions.

"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her on the
lips."

The park administrator quickly agreed to this condition.

"Second," Eddie said, "you must never tell anyone about
this."

condition.

"Third," Eddie said, "I want all the offspring to be raised
Southern Baptist."

And last of all Eddie stated "You've got to give me another
week to come up with the \$500.00."

___________________________________________________

Rope Trick

____________________________________________________

The interviewer examined the job application then turned to
the prospective employee.  "I see you have put ASAP down
for the date you are available to start, meaning as soon as
possible, of course.

However, I see you've put AMAP down for required salary.
I don't believe I've ever seen that before, what does it
mean?"

The applicant replied, "As Much as Possible!"

____________________________________________________

An old man was relaxing at his hundredth birthday party
when a reporter went up to him.
"Sir, what is the secret of your long life?"

The man considered this for a moment, then replied "every
day at 9 PM I have a glass of port. Good for the heart I've
heard."

The reporter replied, "That's ALL?"

The man smiled, "That, and canceling my voyage on Titanic."

____________________________________________________

My family loved watching Little House on the Prairie.

____________________________________________________

Today on September 5 in
1698 Russia's Peter the Great imposed a tax on beards. It
did not go over well.

1793 In France, the "Reign of Terror" began. The National
Convention enacted measures to repress the French
Revolutionary activities.

1836 Sam Houston was elected as the first president of the
Republic of Texas.

1877 Sioux chief Crazy Horse was killed by the bayonet of a
U.S. soldier. The chief allegedly resisted confinement to a
jail cell.

1881 The American Red Cross provided relief for disaster for
the first time. The disaster was the Great Fire of 1881 in
Michigan.

1885 Jake Gumper bought the first gasoline pump to be
manufactured in the U.S.

1900 France proclaimed a protectorate over Chad.

1905 The Treaty of Portsmouth was signed by Russia and Japan
to end the Russo-Japanese War. The settlement was mediated
by U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt in New Hampshire.

1914 Babe Ruth hit his first home run as a professional
player in the International League.

1914 The Battle of the Marne began. The Germans, British and
French fought for six days killing half a million people.

1917 Federal raids were carried out in 24 cities on
International Workers of the World (IWW) headquarters. The
raids were prompted by suspected anti-war activities within
the labor organization.

1930 Charles Creighton and James Hagris completed the drive
from New York City to Los Angeles and back to New York City
all in reverse gear. The trip took 42 days in their 1929
Ford Model A.

1939 The U.S. proclaimed its neutrality in World War II.

1945 Iva Toguri D'Aquino was arrested. D'Aquino was
suspected of being the wartime radio propagandist "Tokyo
Rose". She served six years and was later pardoned by U.S.
President Ford.

1953 The first privately operated atomic reactor opened in
Raleigh, NC.

1957 Jack Kerouac's "On the Road" was first published.

1958 The first color videotaped program was aired. It was
"The Betty Freezor Show" on WBTV-TV in Charlotte, NC.

1958 Boris Pasternak's "Doctor Zhivago" was published for
the first time in the U.S.

1960 Cassius Clay of Louisville, KY, won the gold medal in
light heavyweight boxing at the Olympic Games in Rome,
Italy. Clay later changed his name to Muhammad Ali.

1961 The U.S. government made airline hijacking a federal
offense.

1977 The U.S. launched Voyager .

1980 The St. Gothard Tunnel opened in Switzerland. It was
the world's longest highway tunnel at 10.14 miles long.

1982 Eddie Hill set a propeller-driven boat water speed
record when he reached 229 mph.

1983 U.S. President Reagan denounced the Soviet Union for
shooting down a Korean Air Lines. Reagan demanded that the
Soviet Union pay reparations for the act that killed 269
people.

1983 "Sports Illustrated" became the first national weekly
magazine to use four-color process illustrations on every
page.

1984 The space shuttle Discovery landed after its maiden
voyage.

1984 Mortimer Zuckerman purchased the newsmagazine, "U.S.
News & World Report" for \$163 million.

1985 Rioting in South Africa spilled into white
neighborhoods for the first time.

1986 NASA launched DOD-1.

1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein urged for a Holy War
against the West and former allies.

1991 Soviet lawmakers created an interim government to usher
in the confederation after dissolving the U.S.S.R. The new
name the Union of Sovereign States was taken.

1992 A General Motors Corporation strike ended with a new
agreement being approved. Nearly 43,000 workers were on
strike. GM went downhill from there.

1995 France set off an underground nuclear blast in the
South Pacific.

2003 In London, magician David Blaine entered a clear
plastic box and then suspended by a crane over the banks of
the Thames River. He remained there until October 19
surviving only on water.

2016  smiled.

”

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How to send POP email to the browser
Thursday, September 1, 2016, 10:25 AMPosted by Administrator

var gaJsHost = (("https:" == document.location.protocol) ? "https://ssl." : "http://www.");
document.write(unescape("%3Cscript src='" + gaJsHost + "google-analytics.com/ga.js' type='text/javascript'%3E%3C/script%3E"));

try {
var pageTracker = _gat._getTracker("UA-6672100-1");
pageTracker._trackPageview();
} catch(err) {}

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}-->

<!--
//-->

Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, September 1

By the time you read this, I will be on the way to Calgary
for injections into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters
for Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Australian Fugitive Captured After Asking TV Station
To Use More Flattering Photo of her
______________________________________________________
Today, September 1, in
1810 The first plow with interchangeable parts was patented by John J. Wood.

More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Be not ashamed of mistakes and thus make them crimes.
--- Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC)

A woman worries about the future until
she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until
he gets a wife.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be
dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think
of but none of them worked. On the day of the trial he
decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to
begin he asked if he could approach the bench.

"Your Honor," he said, " I must be excused from this trial
because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one
look at the man in the blue suit with those shifty, beady
eyes and that dishonest face and I said 'He's a crook! He's
guilty, guilty, guilty'.
So your Honor, I could not possibly stay on this jury!"

With a tired annoyance the judge replied, "Get back in the
jury box. Old Shifty-Eyes is the prosecutor."

______________________________________________________

A woman always has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new
argument.

______________________________________________________

From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

______________________________________________________

has been earned by

Amy Sharp,
18,
Sydney,
Australia

Australian Fugitive Captured After Asking TV Station
To Use More Flattering Photo of her

A woman allegedly on the run from police has caused a social
media storm after she asked a TV station to use a 'better
photo' of her when reporting her escape.

Teenager Amy Sharp is alleged to have broken out of a police
station in Sydney on Friday, August 19, before running
away.

And as is fairly standard practice, police issued a
statement accompanied by two photographs they had taken of
the 18-year-old in a bid to find the youngster.

But the search took an unexpected turn when the pictures and
police statement were uploaded onto Sydney's 7 News
page.

Brazenly, the first person to comment on the story and the
photos was Amy Sharp herself.

Clearly unhappy with how she looked in the police mugshots,
in which she wore a glum expression and a red blanket draped
over her shoulders, she uploaded a more flattering shot in
the comments section of the page with a simple request:

"Can you use this photo please, and thank you. Yours truly
Amy Sharp XX"

The comment, which was accompanied with a smiling emoji with
a halo, was liked more than 47,000 times and attracted

Bec Sackville posted "Haha that's a classic. Think the cops
have found a new way to catch crims. Just put out an ugly
photo and the crim will be in touch to give you a better one
lol."

Police did not consider her a risk to members of the public
saying she had been in custody for property offences.

She was later caught in Wentworth Park, not far from where
she allegedly escaped and is expected to be charged.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Joyce
RE: Send email to the browser
Dear Webby,
Nope, I'm not blonde!! But, could you please instruct me on
how to send something to my browser? I am usuing Eudora.
thanks bunches,
Joyce

Dear Joyce
In Eudora I right-click anywhere in that mail,
and chose "Send to browser".

That has worked since the days when Netscape was the only
browser. Most other email programs copied that and work the
same way.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

Here is an oldie-goldie that was sent back to me:
Father O'Flannagan dies due to old age.
Upon entering St.Peter's gate, there is another man in
front, waiting to go into heaven.

St. Peter asks the man, "What is your name what did you

The man responds "My name is Joe Cohen, and I was a
New York city Taxi driver for 14 years"

"Very well," says St. Peter, "Here is your silk robe and
golden scepter, now you may walk in the streets of our
Lord."

St. Peter looks at the Father, and asks "What is your name
and what did you accomplish?"

He responds, "I'm Father O'Flannagan, and have devoted the
last 62 years to the Lord".

"Very well," says St. Peter, "Here is your cotton robe and
wooden staff, you may enter."

"Wait a minute," says O'Flannagan, "You gave the taxi driver
a silk robe and golden scepter, why did I only get a cotton
robe and wooden staff?".

"Well," St. Peter replied, "We work on a performance scale.
You see while you preached, everyone slept, when he drove
taxis, everyone prayed!"

___________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,

______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Bleach to Remove Ink in Dryer

By Renea A [3 Posts, 4 Comments]

Make a solution of bleach and water. Completely immerse some
white towels in the solution and using rubber gloves wring
out most of the water from the towels. They should be just
damp and not dripping. Next throw the towels in the dryer
and turn it on. The bleach will take the ink out after one
to two applications of this process.
After you get all the ink out, wipe the dryer down with
plain water, making sure to wipe enough to remove all the
bleach. Leave the dryer door open to air dry afterward. To
be extra sure all the bleach is removed after cleaning you
can run whites through the next dryer cycle.
By Renea from Pittston Twp, PA

______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________

Thanks to Roland for this rewrite of a classic:
One of our local rednecks, Billy Joe Bob, while not very
bright, was a gifted portrait artist. His fame grew and soon
people from all over the country were coming to him for
paintings.

One day, a beautiful young woman pulled up to his house in a

stretch limo.  She asked Billy Joe Bob if he could paint her
in the nude.

beautiful lady said money was no object, she was willing to
pay \$5,000.

Not willing to get into trouble with his wife, Billy Joe Bob
asked the lady to wait while he went in the house and
conferred with his wife.  In a few minutes he returned and
told the lady he was willing to paint her in the nude.
However, he would have to leave his socks on so he would
have some place to wipe his brushes!!

___________________________________________________

a social experiment

____________________________________________________

Thanks to Kim for this one:
I noticed my husband standing on the bathroom scale,
sucking in his ample stomach.

Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver,
I quipped, "I don't think that is going to help much, hon."

"Sure it does," he said. "How else can I can see the
numbers?"

____________________________________________________

The Importance Of "Correct Punctuation"

Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are
generous, kind,  thoughtful. People who are not like you
admit to being useless and  inferior. You have ruined me for
other men. I yearn for you. I have no  feelings whatsoever
when we're apart. I can be forever happy--will you  let me
be yours?
Gloria

Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are
generous, kind,  thoughtful people, who are not like you.
inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For
you, I have  no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can
be forever happy. Will  you let me be?
Yours,
Gloria

____________________________________________________

medical conditions. I'm so happy medicine has come so far!

____________________________________________________

Today on September 1 in
1799 The Bank of Manhattan Company opened in New York City,
NY. It was the forerunner of Chase Manhattan.

1810 The first plow with interchangeable parts was patented
by John J. Wood.

1859 The Pullman sleeping car was placed into service.

1878 Emma M. Nutt became the first female telephone operator
in the U.S. The company was the Telephone Dispatch Company
of Boston.

1887 Emile Berliner filed for a patent for his invention of
the lateral-cut, flat-disk gramophone. It is a device that
is better known as a record player.

1897 The first section of Boston's subway system was opened.

1905 Saskatchewan and Alberta became the ninth and tenth

1939 World War II began when England objected to Germany
taking back parts of Poland.

1942 A federal judge in Sacramento, CA, upheld the wartime
detention of Japanese-Americans as well as Japanese
nationals.

1945 The U.S. received official word of Japan's formal
surrender that ended World War II. In Japan, it was actually
September 2nd.

1951 The ANZUS Treaty, a mutual defense pact, was signed by
the U.S., Australia and New Zealand.

1969 Col. Moammar Gadhafi came into power in Libya after the
government was overthrown.

1979 The U.S. Pioneer 11 became the first spacecraft to
visit Saturn.

1982 Mexican President Jose Lopez Portillo closed all the
country's private banks.

1985 The Titanic was found by Dr. Robert Ballard and Jean
Louis Michel in a joint U.S. and French expedition. The
wreck site is located 963 miles northeast of New York and
453 miles southeast of the Newfoundland coast.

1986 Jerry Lewis raised a record \$34 million for Muscular
Dystrophy during his annual telethon for Jerry’s kids over
the Labor Day weekend.

1997 In France, the prosecutor's office announced that the
driver of the car, in which Britain's Princess Diana was
killed, was over the legal alcohol limit.

1998 The movie "Titanic" went on sale across North America.

1998 Vietnam released 5,000 prisoners, including political
dissidents, on National Day.

2016  smiled.

”

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