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Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, October 4

Beautiful full moon out on the crunchy snow.
The surface melted a bit in the afternoon and got 
crispy crunchy when it cooled off in the evening.
The wind died down, so walking is actually quite
nice. 

The deer and the cougars are coming down into the 
valley and seem quite nervous about the noisy snow.
When I get close, they freeze and watch until I am
past them, then they break and run.

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man fights deputies at Publix, 
is brought down by stun gun
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 4 in
1535 The first complete English translation of the Bible 
was printed in Zurich, Switzerland. 

1957 The Soviet Union launched Sputnik I into orbit around
the Earth. Sputnik was the first manmade satellite to enter
space. Sputnik I fell out of orbit on January 4, 1958. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A nation is a society united by delusions about its ancestry and by common hatred of its neighbors. ---- William Ralph Inge (1860 1954) The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. ---- Herbert Spencer (1820 1903) An angler is a man who spends rainy days sitting around on the muddy banks of rivers, doing nothing, because his wife won't let him do it at home. ---- Socratex People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest. ---- Hermann Hesse Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies. ---- Woody Allen ------- Now, if the Senate got organized,... ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the countryside with a pet dog which he loved and doted on. After many long years of companionship, the dog finally died so Muldoon went to the parish priest:"Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?" Father Patrick replied, "I am so very sorry to hear about your dog's death. But, unfortunately we cannot have services for an animal in the church. However, there's a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they'll do something for the animal." Muldoon said, "I'll go right now. Do you think $5000 is enough to donate for the service?" Father Patrick: "Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?!" _____________________________________________________ Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golf ball. It sat in the same spot. So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle. Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other, "Whoa! What are we going to do?" Said the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get onto the ball!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A golfer who was known for his bad temper walked into the pro shop one day and plunked down big bucks for a new set of Woods. The staff all watched to see what would happen after he used them for the first time - more than half expecting he'd come in and demand his money back. But the next time he came in, he was all smiles. "They're the best clubs I've ever had," he said. "In fact, I've discovered I can throw them at least 10 yards farther than I could my last ones." ______________________________________________________ 36,000 feet, somewhere over Australia _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Bryan J. Walter, 21, Palm Beach Gardens, Florida Florida man fights deputies at Publix, is brought down by stun gun A Palm Beach Gardens man allegedly started an altercation with a Publix Super Market store manager, then fought with Palm Beach County sheriff’s deputies when they attempted to handcuff him, according to an arrest report. Bryan J. Walter, 21, is facing charges of assault on an officer, battery, resisting an officer with violence and simple assault. He was being held early Thursday at the Palm Beach County Jail in lieu of $3,000 bail. Deputies were called to the Publix at The Crossroads at Royal Palm Beach shopping center, at Royal Palm Beach and Okeechobee boulevards, and witnessed Walters yelling at the store manager about an inch apart from the man’s face, the report said. A deputy wrote in the report that he pushed Walter away because it appeared he was about to hit the store manager. Walter reacted by positioning his body as if he were going to fight the deputy, the report said. Told to stay back, Walter allegedly continued to advance toward the deputy. After being taken to the ground, Walter attempted to punch the deputy. A dart fired from a stun gun was used to immobilize and handcuff Walter, the report said. Records show that Walter was tased by a West Palm Beach police officer on June 2 and charged with misdemeanor battery. Walter allegedly pushed to the ground two employees of a West Palm Beach business and threatened an officer while stating he was carrying a gun. He was not. Walter was placed in a pretrial diversion program on Aug. 18 and ordered to perform community service and enroll in an anger-management class. After his latest arrest, Walter was ordered not to have any contact with Publix supermarkets. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rose Re: Fonts too big Dear Webby, Lately my page ( everything on the page has been bigger then usually, is there a way I can make it smaller? Thank your for your advise. Rose Dear Rose Hold down the CTRL key, and turn the scroll wheel on your mouse. Depending on which way you roll the wheel, the fonts and pictures will zoom larger or smaller. Have FUN! DearWebby

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully, she explained, "It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. "Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook." He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels; the phone was still ringing non-stop. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of expensive perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke. Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. And believe me Mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Lettuce Store lettuce with a paper towel and it will last longer. The paper towel will absorb moisture. If you are storing lettuce in a container, line the bottom of the container with a layer of paper towels. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Can we autocorrect humanity?
____________________________________________________ A handyman was working for a Synagogue had asked for a raise and was turned down. He decided to quit and went out to look for work. First he went to a Catholic church and was told that in order to work there, he would have to answer one question. The priest asked, "Where was Jesus born"? The man answered, "Pittsburgh", and was thrown out. He then went to a Baptist church. The minister told him that in order to get a job there he would have to answer a question. He was asked, "Where was Jesus born"? The man answered, "Philadelphia". He was tossed out. Walking away he met the rabbi who was looking for him. The rabbi exclaimed, "The board approved your raise. Please come back immediately". The man said to the rabbi, "I will come back only if you answer a question. "Where was Jesus born"? The rabbi says, "Bethlehem". Cries the man. "I knew it was in Pennsylvania!". __________________________________________________
The forgotten tree house bars of bygone summers in Paris.
___________________________________________________ France, with an unmeployment rate nearly as bad as it was in the US at the end of the Clinton era, is making the news with major labor unrest, demonstrations, and just enough colorful car burnings and minor looting to attract the news media. The only noticeable reaction to that in the US was that every comedian dug out all the old quotes and jokes about the French. Thanks to Sandie for sending me the best ones: "France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks, it is a fine country. It has usually been governed by prostitutes." --- Mark Twain ------------------------------ "I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." --- General George S. Patton ------------------------------ "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." --- General Norman Schwartzkopf ------------------------------ "We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." --- Marge Simpson ------------------------------ "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." --- Jacques Chirac, President of France "As far as France is concerned, you're right." --- Rush Limbaugh ------------------------------ "The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." --- Regis Philbin ------------------------------ "You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." --- Conan O'Brien ------------------------------ "I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get Hitler out of France either." --- Jay Leno ------------------------------ "The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." --- David Letterman ------------------------------ "What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?" --- Dennis Miller ------------------------------ "It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us." --- Alan Kent ------------------------------ "Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day --- the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once.'" --- Rep. Roy Blunt, MO ------------------------------ "The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq." --- Dennis Miller ------------------------------ "Raise your right hand if you like the French. Raise both hands if you are French." --- Unknown ------------------------------ Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII? A. "Table for 10,000, m'sieur?" ------------------------------ "Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not known, it's never been tried." --- Rep R Blount, MO ------------------------------ "Did you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining." --- John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv ------------------------------ The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military. ------------------------------ French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney (AP), Paris The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney The decision comes the day after the nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists in army surplus camo pants.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Martin for this report: We went to the movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start a lady from the center of the row got up and started working her way out. "Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuuuuusssseee me." By the time she got to me I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient so I said, "Couldn't you have done this a little earlier?" "No!!" she said in a loud whisper, "The TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE message just flashed up on the screen AND MINE IS IN THE CAR!" ____________________________________________________ A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine. "What was that for?" he asked. "That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it," she replied. "Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explained. "Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good explanation. Three days later he was watching a ballgame on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked, "What the heck was that for?" She replied, "Your horse called."

Today, October 4, in 
1535 The first complete English translation of the Bible was
printed in Zurich, Switzerland. 

1648 The first volunteer fire department was established in
New York by Peter Stuyvesant. 

1777 At Germantown, PA, Patriot forces and British forces
both suffer heavy losses in battle. The battle was seen as
British victory, which actually served as a moral boost to
the Americans. 

1881 Edward Leveaux received a patent for the player piano. 

1887 The Paris Herald Tribune was published for the first
time. It was later known as the International Herald
Tribune. 

1893 The first professional football contract was signed by
Grant Dibert for the Pittsburgh AC. 

1895 The first U.S. Open golf tournament took place in
Newport, RI. Horace Rawlins, 19 years old, won the
tournament. 

1909 The first airship race in the U.S. took place in St.
Louis, MO. 

1915 The Dinosaur National Monument was established. The
area covered part of Utah and Colorado. 

1927 The first actual work of carving began on Mount
Rushmore. 

1931 The comic strip "Dick Tracy" made its debut in the
Detroit Daily Mirror. The strip was created by Chester
Gould. 

1933 "Esquire" magazine was published for the first time. 

1940 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini met in the Alps at
Brenner Pass. Hitler was seeking help from Italy to fight
the British, who had declared WWII after Hitler invaded
Poland. 

1948 The Railroad Hour" debuted on ABC radio. 

1957 "Leave it to Beaver" debuted on CBS-TV. 

1957 The Soviet Union launched Sputnik I into orbit around
the Earth. Sputnik was the first manmade satellite to enter
space. Sputnik I fell out of orbit on January 4, 1958. 

1958 British Overseas Airways Corporation became the first
jetliner to offer trans-Atlantic service to passengers with
flights between London, England and New York. 

1965 Pope Paul VI addressed the U.N. General Assembly and
became the first reigning pontiff to visit the Western
Hemisphere. 

1981 Bruce Jenner and Harry Belafonte debuted in their first
dramatic roles in NBC-TV's "Grambling's White Tiger". 

1987 NFL owners used replacement personnel to play games
despite the player's strike. 

1990 The German parliament had its first meeting since
reunification. 

1992 The 16-year civil war in Mozambique ended. 

1993 Russian Vice-President Alexander Rutskoi and Chairman
Ruslan Khasbulatov surrendered to Boris Yeltsin after a ten-
hour tank assault on the Russian White House. The two men
had barricaded themselves in after Yeltsin called for
general elections and dissolved the legislative body. 

1993 Dozens of Somalis dragged an American soldier through
the streets of Mogadishu. A videotape showed Michael Durant
being taken prisoner by Somali militants. 

1994 South African President Nelson Mandela was welcomed to
the White House by U.S. President Clinton. 

1997 Hundreds of thousands of men attended a Promise Keepers
rally on the Mall in Washington, DC. 

1998 The Vincent Van Gogh exhibit opened in Washington, DC.
The exhibit featured 70 paintings. 

1998 Davis Gaines performed as the Phantom in the show
"Phantom of the Opera" for the 2,000th time. 

2001 NATO granted the United States open access to their
airfields and seaports and agreed to deploy ships and early-
warning radar planes in the war on terrorism. 

2001 In Washington, DC, Reagan National Airport re-opened.
The airport had been closed since the terrorist attacks on
the United States on September 11, 2001. 

2004 SpaceShipOne reached an altitude of 368,000 feet. It
was the first privately built, manned rocket ship to fly in
space twice within a two week window. The ship won the
Ansari X Prize of $10 million dollars for their success.

2017  smiled.


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Is a TO address required? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, October 3

We had snow storm in the morning and early afternoon.
Then it cleared up, but the icy wind stayed.
Now it is clear with a beautiful nearly full moon,
with the snow and ice crunching noisily underfoot.
Definitely hood-up time, and even that way, not 
cozy in the icy wind. 
Apparently the Gullible Warming has gone to where 
they believe in it.

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Las Vegas monster was a very wealthy 
retired accountant with no violent history
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 3 in
1893 The electric motor-driven vacuum cleaner was patented
by J.S. Thurman. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. --- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905 - 1980), ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Heather and Marcy hadn't seen each other in awhile, so they decided to meet for lunch. The talk naturally got around to their respective love lives. Marcy confided that there really wasn't anyone special in her life. Heather, on the other hand, was beaming about the new man she had found. "He's perfect. He's handsome, and last night when we went out to dinner, he said the four little words I've been waiting to hear a man say to me!" "He said 'will you marry me'?" Marcy asked. Heather replied, "No, he said 'We'll use my card`!" _____________________________________________________ From 2006 Thanks to Ed for this interesting tidbit: Subject: ENRON - US PRESIDENT -"BUDDIES" Which AMERICAN President? How Enron Worked the President This is an interesting bit of information that you don't hear much about. A. Enron's chairman did meet with the president and the vice-president in the Oval Office. B. Enron gave $420,000 to the president's party over three years. C. It donated $100,000 to the president's inauguration festivities. D. The Enron chairman stayed at the White House 11 times. E. The corporation had access to the administration at its highest level and even enlisted the Commerce and State Departments to grease deals for it. F. The taxpayer-supported Export-Import Bank subsidized Enron for more than $600 million in just one transaction. BUT... the president under whom all this happened WASN'T George W. Bush. SURPRISE ......... It was was the speaker for Hilary Clinton, some guy namend Bill Clinton ! _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Jerry for this story: Ever mindful of the congregation, the Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog, and knew that the dog also had to be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted. The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife. "Fetch the Bible," he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner. "Now find Psalm 23," he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw. The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog. That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were very impressed. One man asked, "Can he do regular dog tricks, too?" "I haven't tried yet," the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at the dog. "HEEL!" the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl. The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, "Good Lord! He's "PENTECOSTAL!" ______________________________________________________ Mitchell Falls, AU _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a DARWIN AWARD has been earned by Stephen Paddock, 64, Mesquite, Nevada Las Vegas monster was a very wealthy retired accountant with no violent history He was divorced, was not known to have children, and was living with a woman in a home in Mesquite. At the time of his rampage, she apparently was in the Phillippines. His father was a bank robber, his brother Eric Paddock said. The FBI lists the late Benjamin Hoskins Paddock as being on the FBI's most-wanted list from June 10, 1969 until May 5, 1977. • The father escaped from prison in 1969 and lived on the run until 1978, when he was arrested in Oregon, the Eugene Register-Guard reported at the time. • Eric Paddock said his father died a few years ago and that "he was never with my mom." Eric said he was born while his father was on the run. • Stephen last communicated with his brother via a text, Eric said, asking about their mother, who'd lost power during Hurricane Irma. Eric also said Stephen spoke to his mother on the phone a week or two ago. Eric Paddock says his brother did not have affiliations with any terror or hate group, and that he doesn't know why his brother would do this. • "He was a wealthy guy playing video poker ... on cruises," his brother said, adding that Stephen could afford anything he wanted and played $100-a-hand poker. • Eric Paddock said his brother owned apartments and houses. • Marilou Danley was identified as Paddock's companion or roommate, Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Sheriff Joseph Lombardo said. • She does not appear to have been involved in the shooting and was in the Philippines when the massacre took place, authorities said. Paddock had been using some of her identification, Lombardo said. • Paddock had been staying at the Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino in Las Vegas since last Thursday. He killed himself in his room on the 32nd-floor before a police SWAT team burst in to ask him what the hell he was doing and why, Lombardo said. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Cookie Re: Address in the TO line Dear Webby, I have a question about email. I always send email from the 'To:' with my own address in there and then all copies to others go in the 'Bcc:' . My question is does there always have to be and address in the 'To:' area, or is it ok to send it with all addresses in the 'Bcc:' and leave the other blank? Would it cause a problem? Thanks for all of your help and humor over the years! I so look forward to your letter apprearing everyday in my email....keep up the great work, and stay healthy and happy. Luv, Cookie Dear Cookie Most email programs require that you have something in the "TO:" line. However, even if you can get away with leaving the "TO:" line blank, that would just make you look like an amateur spammer. Better put some address into the "TO:" line. Have FUN! DearWebby

A Japanese tourist hailed a taxi in downtown Chicago and asked to be taken out to O'Hare Airport. On the way, a car zoomed by and the tourist responded, "Ohhh!!! TOYOTA!!! Made in Japan!!! Very fast!!!" Not too long after, another car flew by the taxi. "Ohh!!! NISSAN!!! Made in Japan!!! Very fast!!!" Yet another zipped by, "Ohh!!! Mitsubishi!!! Made in Japan!!! Very fast!!!" The taxi driver, complete 100% American, was starting to get a little miffed that the Japanese made cars were passing his Chevy, when yet another car passed the taxi right as they were turning into the airport. "Ohh!!! Honda!!! Made in Japan!!! Very fast!!!" The taxi driver stopped the car, pointed to the meter, and said, "that'll be $150." "$150? It was so short a ride! Why so much?" "Taxi Meter. Made in Japan. Very fast."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Coffee Grounds In The Garden By coville123 [379 Posts, 441 Comments] The next time you have coffee grounds, dump them in the garden. They will keep slugs and other pests away. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Coffee grounds are NOT fertilizer or compost! Quite the opposite! You might as well use sawdust or gravel. I toss coffee grounds onto the path between rows of raspberries. It really stunts the weeds and grasses! Beats having to mow between the rows. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
animals being cute
____________________________________________________ From Evelyn My husband and I took our two-year-old daughter to the home -improvement store. Madison got tired of walking, so my husband let her ride on his shoulders. As he walked, Madison began pulling his hair. Although he asked her to stop several times, she kept on. Getting annoyed, he scolded, "Madison! Stop that!" "But, Daddy," she replied, "I'm just trying to get my gum back." __________________________________________________
Some awesome photos of this beautiful world.
___________________________________________________ A woman went to a computer dating service and said she didn't care about looks, income or background. All she wanted was a man of upright character. Then a man came in and told them the only thing he was seeking in a woman was intelligence. The computer thought the two of them were a pretty good match.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
An older gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. The old gentleman approached the receptionist desk. The receptionist was a large imposing woman who looked like a wrestler. He gave her his name. In a very loud voice the receptionist said, "Yes, I see your name here. You want to see the doctor about impotence, right?" The heads of all the patients in the waiting room snapped around, to look at the very embarrassed man. The old gent recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice replied, "No, I've come to inquire about a sex change operation... But I don't want the same doctor that klutzed up yours!" ____________________________________________________ From Song Dear Webby, I used to hate getting up and checking the mail, until you finally convinced me to get the MailWasher. I don't know how much mail I lost because I simply deleted everything (except the Humor Letter, of course). Now the mail is civilized again. Thanks Song

Today, October 3, in 
1863 U.S. President Lincoln declared that the last Thursday
of November would be recognized as Thanksgiving Day. 

1893 The motor-driven vacuum cleaner was patented by J.S.
Thurman. 

1901 The Victor Talking Machine Company was incorporated.
After a merger with Radio Corporation of America the company
became RCA-Victor. 

1906 W.T. Grant opened a 25-cent department store. 

1922 Rebecca L. Felton became the first female to hold
office of U.S. Senator. She was appointed by Governor Thomas
W. Hardwick of Georgia to fill a vacancy. 

1929 The Kingdom of Serbs, Croats and Slovenes officially
changed its name to the Kingdom of Yugoslavia. 

1932 Iraq was admitted into the League of Nations leading
Britain to terminate their mandate over the nation. Britain
had ruled Iraq since taking it from Turkey during World War
I. 

1935 Italian forces invaded Abyssinia (now Ethiopia). 

1941 Adolf Hitler stated in a speech that Russia was
"broken" and they "would never rise again." Thanks to the
USA supplying them with arms and ammo, they did.

1942 The Office of Economic Stabilization was established by
U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt. He also authorized
controls on rents, wages, salaries and farm prices. 

1944 During World War II, U.S. troops broke through the
Siegfried Line. 

1951 CBS-TV aired the first coast-to-coast telecast of a
prizefight. Dave Sands defeated Carl Olson at Soldier Field
in Chicago. 

1952 Britain became the third nuclear power in the world
when they successfully detonated their first atomic bomb.
The U.S. and Russia were the only other nuclear powers. The
US had given Britain the technology so as not to be the only
nuclear power opposed to Russia.

1955 "Captain Kangaroo" premiered on CBS-TV. 

1962 The Sigma VII blasted off from Cape Canaveral for a
nine-hour flight. 

1962 The play, "Stop the World, I Want to Get Off!" opened
on Broadway. 

1974 Frank Robinson took over the management position of the
Cleveland Indians baseball team. He was the first black
manager in major league baseball. 

1981 Irish Nationalists in Maze Prison in Belfast, Northern
Ireland called off their hunger strike. The strike had
lasted 7 months and ten people had died. 

1986 "Tough Guys" was released. It was the first comedy to
feature Burt Lancaster and Kirk Douglas. It was, however,
their seventh movie together. 

1988 The space shuttle Discovery landed safely after its
four-day mission. It was the first American shuttle mission
since the Challenger disaster. 

1989 East Germany suspended unrestricted travel to
Czechoslovakia in an effort to slow the flow of refugees to
the West. 

1990 The Berlin Wall was dismantled eleven months after the
borders between East and West Germany were dissolved. The
unification of Germany ended 45 years of division. 

1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein made a visit to Kuwait
after his country had seized control of the oil-rich nation.


1994 The headquarters of the Haitian pro-army militia was
raided by U.S. soldiers. 

2001 ESPN began its 10th season of National Hockey League
(NHL) coverage. 

2003 Ray Horn, of the duo "Siegfried & Roy," was attacked by
tiger during a performance. Roy survived the attack after
being dragged offstage. The tiger, a 7-year-old male named
Montecore, was debuting in his first show. 

2006 North Korea announced that it would conduct a nuclear
test as a key step in the manufacture of atomic bombs that
it viewed as a deterrent against a U.S. attack. 

2017  smiled.


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Is Ben Via a hypno drivel scam? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, October 2

We had a terrorist act in Edmonton near the hockey arena. 
The cops got the asshole and put him into protective custody
before the hockey game was over. He would have been road
paint and impossible to interrogate.

While the cops chased him further away from the arena, he
flipped his rented U-Haul. The cops kicked in the windshield
and drug him out by his family jewels. Not sure yet if it
was a K9 officer, a male or a female human officer who drug
him out. Sure made a huge hole in the windshield!
Apparently, after that, he did not resist getting hauled to
the slammer.

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Naked, dirty baby found in crane incident 
was born addicted
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 2 in
1492 King Henry VII of England invaded France. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ In the United States there is more space where nobody is than where anybody is. That is what makes America what it is. --- Gertrude Stein (1874 - 1946) People want economy and they will pay any price to get it. --- Lee Iacocca (1924 - ) Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen. --- P. J. O'Rourke (1947 - ) The gods too are fond of a joke. --- Aristotle I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. --- Isaac Asimov (Asimov was the first Science Fiction writer to use a Word Processor. That was in the days when dedicated word processor machines were the ancestors of personal computers.) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Glen for this story: A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the fire station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat. The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck" he said with admiration. "Thanks" the little girl said. The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little Partner", the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope to the cat's collar too, I think you could go faster." The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren" _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Billie for this story: A few years ago I went to visit my brother who was stationed in Germany. I assumed that enough Germans would speak English so that I could at least get around. But I found that many people spoke only their native tongue - including the ticket inspector on the train. He punched my ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. I just nodded from time to time to show him that I was interested. When he had gone, an American woman soldier in the compartment leaned forward and asked if I spoke German. "No," I confessed. "Then that explains," she said, "why you didn't bat an eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong train, going in the wrong direction." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year. That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position. Hopkins wrote, "The climate didn't agree with me." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Larry Lee Wolting, Jr., Victoria Swift, 25, Muskegon, Michigan Naked, dirty baby found in crane incident was born addicted Before he first used a forklift to wreak havoc inside an abandoned factory and then commandeered a large construction crane, a father high on meth left his naked, screaming baby in mud and dirt. That's according to a petition seeking removal of the 2- month-old baby girl from Larry Lee Wolting Jr., who faces multiple felony charges following the bizarre incident in Muskegon on Monday. The baby also had amphetamines in her system, the petition states. Wolting told authorities that "he forgot he had (the baby) with him," according to the petition Child Protective Services filed Sept. 26 in Muskegon County Circuit Court. An emergency removal was approved by the judge. The petition details the eight-week-old baby girl's sad start to life. She was born with a serious addiction to methadone and amphetamines to a mother who had shot up heroin during her pregnancy and had lost her rights to four previous children. The mother, Victoria Swift, 25, is on probation for a June 29 larceny conviction, according to the Michigan Department of Corrections web site. Wolting, a sex offender, has multiple felony convictions and, according to the petition, was extremely high on meth and hospitalized after Monday morning's incident. The baby also tested positive for amphetamines and was taken to DeVos Children's Hospital in Grand Rapids for treatment, according to Muskegon County Chief Assistant Prosecutor Timothy Maat. "Dr. Buchanan (at Mercy Health's Hackley Campus) reported that his readings were so high that Larry needed to stay in the hospital to be aggressively treated as meth causes the breakdown of muscles and kidneys," the CPS petition states. Wolting was released from the hospital and arraigned Thursday in Muskegon County District Court on multiple charges. They include second degree child abuse causing serious physical or mental harm, breaking and entering a building with intent to destroy its contents, malicious destruction of property more than $1,000 but less than $20,000, and operating while intoxicated by crystal meth, Maat said. Police were called to the area of Roberts Street and Barney Avenue at 6:55 a.m. Sept. 25. There, they found Wolting sitting in the cab of a large Erickson's construction crane that he had taken from the former Esco plant and driven to a UPS facility across the street, Maat said. He had used the crane to drive over a fence and across Roberts Street, taking down a power line and hitting a light post, according to court records. It was an employee working at the chemical plant that found the baby, Maat said. "(The infant) was found lying face down underneath a chair in the (Esco) factory," the CPS petition states. "The floor was described as extremely dirty and full of mud from an open water valve. (The baby) was completely naked and covered in dirt. (She) was found crying profusely with scrapes on her knees and had a slightly bleeding toe. "Larry stated that he forgot he had (the baby) with him." It was discovered that before he commandeered the crane outside of Esco, Wolting had been inside the plant where he allegedly used a forklift to cause "lots of damage" to the contents, Maat said. Wolting apparently had been involved in the care of the baby, though he had "released" his parental rights to a then 12-year-old girl in 2014. In 2002, he had pleaded guilty to attempted third degree criminal sexual conduct with a person between the ages of 13 and 15, and is listed on Michigan's Sex Offender Registry. CPS reported it had "explored substance abuse counseling, Early On and assisted with household needs for Larry Wolting." It also had "explored" placing the baby with relatives. The baby was born July 26, 2017, and the petition states that since July 29, Swift, the infant's mother, never returned to the hospital to visit her drug-addicted baby. When she was 22 weeks pregnant, Swift had sought medical treatment for pain due to an abscess on her left arm, the petition states. She admitted to intravenous heroin use, the petition says. After that and while still pregnant, Swift tested positive on multiple occasions for various drugs, including marijuana, and amphetamines. She admitted following the child's birth she had been taking Adderall, a type of amphetamine, that had not been prescribed to her and receiving methadone treatment, the petition states. The baby tested positive for amphetamines and methadone when she was born, and because of her "high" neonatal withdrawal level was placed on morphine, the petition states. "The withdrawal symptoms (the baby) was experiencing included tremors, shaking, tightness and vomiting after eating," according to the petition. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marylin Re: Hypno-drivel Dear Webby, you once told me that if something is advertised with an hour of hypno-drivel, then it is most likely a useless or way overpriced scam. Does that also apply to Ben Via Gold Chia? It certainly is advertised with godawfylly long hypno- drivel, but it does sound like there may be some benefits to it. What is your opinion? Marylin Dear Marylin It's total BS. Sure, chia seeds are prety good for you, especially the Mexican ones. Ben Via uses the much cheaper Bolivian seeds, that probably don't have the metals and minerals that the Mexican ones have, and instead of selling them in bags or bulk, they sell them in ridiculously expensive pill bottles. Chia seeds are definitely NOT a miracle for losing weight. They are just a nutritious seed with some good minerals and antioxidants and Omega3 fats in them. Like Buckwheat. If you can handle nuts, go ahead and try them. You can get them at the Bulk Barn, Amazon, and even Costco. Costco has bags of QUIA Superfood, which is a mix of Chia, Hemp seed, and some other reasonably healthy seeds. Some joggers claim that QUIA is essential for their performance, just like their $275 running shoes. There may be something to it, but so far it has not been clinically proven. I have tried a bit of QUIA once. It tastes OK, kind of nutty, and would probably go fine on oatmeal or with a zesty yoghurt, or even sprinkled onto a salad, but I sure would never pay the ridiculous prices listed for Ben Via Gold, which is just Bolivian chia and nothing else. Have FUN! DearWebby

While a friend and I were visiting Annapolis, we noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand. "What are they doing?" I asked our tour guide. "Each year," he replied with a grin, "The upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard." When we were out of earshot of the freshmen, my friend asked our guide: "So what's the answer?" The guide replied: "One."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Simple Buttercream Recipe This simple buttercream recipe is perfect for icing your cakes and decorating them. Note: This recipe makes a stiff consistency buttercream icing. For decorating, you will need to thin it down so that it is soft enough to go through your decorating tips. Instructions for thinning it down are below. Ingredients: 1 cup solid white vegetable shortening or butter 1 tsp. clear vanilla flavor 2 Tbsp. water or milk, room temperature 1 lb. confectioners' sugar (approx. 4 cups) 1 Tbsp. meringue powder (Wilton sells this) pinch of salt (optional) Directions: Cream shortening, vanilla, and water together in a mixer. Combine meringue powder, salt, and confectioners' sugar in a large bowl. With mixer at medium speed, begin adding confectioners' sugar mixture, 1 cup at a time. Once sugar is thoroughly mixed in, add another cup until all ingredients are combined. Blend approximately 1 more minute until creamy. Yields: 3 cups Icing Consistency: Stiff Consistency: flowers with upright petals, such as roses Medium Consistency: Add 1 tsp. water per cup of stiff icing. icing dam for layered cakes stars flowers with petals that lay flat piping figures, such as faces or animals basketweaves borders (shells, etc.) Thin Consistency: Add 2 tsp. water per cup of stiff icing. icing your cakes writing vines leaves Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
If Y-E-S spells "yes" what does E-Y-E-S spell?
____________________________________________________ This was a story told to us by our chemistry professor at school. A female student wished to make some potassium hydroxide solution (aqueous) and decided to throw a large lump of potassium into a bucket of water. Her professor observed what she was about to do, out of the corner of his eye and hurried towards her, and after confirming this was indeed what she was intending to do, asked her first to stir the water in the bucket for five minutes before adding the potassium. She was puzzled and ran after him to ask the purpose of this action. 'It will give me time to get far enough away' said the professor. __________________________________________________
These 18 dead people have been so well preserved they will scare you silly!
___________________________________________________ A New York City yuppie moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks. "That's a lot of chicks," commented the proprietor. "I mean business," the city slicker replied. A week later the yuppie was back again. "I need another 100 chicks," he said. "Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming," the man told him. "Yeah," the yuppie replied. "If I can iron out a few problems." "Problems?" asked the proprietor. "Yeah," replied the yuppie, "I think I planted that last batch too close together."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A troop of Boy Scouts was being used as "guinea pigs" in a test of emergency systems. A mock earthquake was staged, and the Scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for by the emergency units. One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout lay "wounded" for several hours. When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note: "Have bled to death and gone to McDonalds to warm up and refill." ____________________________________________________ >From Chuck I'm glad you are back, I missed you while you were gone. Thanks for the smiles in the morning, a nice way to start the day. Chuck

Today, October 2, in 
1492 King Henry VII of England invaded France. 

1780 British army major John Andre was hanged as a spy. He
was carrying information about the actions of Benedict
Arnold. 

1835 The first battle of the Texas Revolution took place
near the Guadalupe River when American settlers defeated a
Mexican cavalry unit. 

1836 Charles Darwin returned to England after 5 years of
acquiring knowledge around the world about fauna, flora,
wildlife and geology. He used the information to develop his
"theory of evolution" which he unveiled in his 1859 book
entitled The Origin of Species by Means of Natural
Selection. 

1870 Rome was made the capital of Italy. 

1876 The Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas
opened. It was the state's first venture into public higher
education. The school was formally dedicated 2 days later by
Texas Gov. Richard Coke. 

1920 The Cincinnati Reds and the Pittsburgh Pirates played
the only triple-header in baseball history. The Reds won 2
of the 3 games. 

1924 The Geneva Protocol adopted the League of Nations. 

1925 Scottish inventor John Logie Baird completed the first
transmission of moving images. 

1937 Warner Bros. released "Love Is on the Air." Ronald
Reagan made his acting debut in the motion picture. He was
26 years old. 

1941 Operation Typhoon was launched by Nazi Germany. The
plan was an all-out offensive against Moscow. 

1944 The Nazis crushed the Warsaw Uprising. 

1947 The Federatino Internationale de l'Automobile (FIA)
formally established Formula One racing in Grand Prix
competition. 

1948 The first automobile race to use asphalt, cement and
dirt roads took place in Watkins Glen in New York. It was
the first road race in the U.S. following World War II. 

1950 "Peanuts," the comic strip created by Charles M.
Schulz, was published for the first time in seven
newspapers. 

1958 Guinea, the French colony in West Africa, proclaimed
its independence. Sekou Toure was the first president of the
Republic of Guinea. 

1962 U.S. ports were closed to nations that allowed their
ships to carry arms to Cuba, ships that had docked in a
socialist country were prohibited from docking in the United
States during that voyage, and the transport of U.S. goods
was banned on ships owned by companies that traded with
Cuba. 

1967 Thurgood Marshall was sworn in. He was the first
African-American member of the U.S. Supreme Court. 

1988 Pakistan's Supreme Court ordered free elections. 

1989 In Leipzig, East Germany, a protest took place
demanding the legalization of opposition groups and the
adoption of democratic reforms. 

1990 The Allies ceded their rights to areas they occupied in
Germany. 

1993 Opponents of Russian President Boris Yeltsin fought
police and set up burning barricades. 

1998 Hawaii sued petroleum companies, claiming state drivers
were overcharged by about $73 million a year in price-
fixing. 

1998 About 10,000 Turkish soldiers crossed into northern
Iraq and attacked Kurdish rebels. 

2001 NATO, for the first time, invoked a treaty clause that
stated that an attack on one member is an attack on all
members. The act was in response to the September 11, 2001,
terrorist attacks in the United States. 

2017  smiled.


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Phony PDF from the bank 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, October 1

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Airbnb guest charged with sexual assault 
after climbing naked into bed of host's 
7-year-old daughter 
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 1 in
1569 The Duke of Norfolk was imprisoned by Britain's Queen
Elizabeth for trying to marry Mary the Queen of Scots. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's a wife who can't cook and will. --- Robert Frost Well, Robert, you know where the stove is. Quitcherbitchen and start cooking! ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man looked at the menu at the airport restaurant, and saw that the sandwiches were named for planes. "I'll have a 'jumbo jet,'" he said. When the order arrived, he was disappointed to see how small his burger was, but he ate it anyway. He called his waiter over. "Was that the 'jumbo jet?'" he asked. "Yeah," the waiter answered. "Went pretty fast, didn't it?" _____________________________________________________ A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous and sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her. The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare and walked directly towards him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100 on one condition." Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was. The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand. He looked into her eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, "Paint... my... house." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A young boy came to Sunday School late one day. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong. The boy said, "No, there is nothing wrong. I was just going to go fishing, but my dad told me that I needed to go to church." The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing. The boy replied, "Yes he did, Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Derrick Kinchen, Minnetonka, Minnesota Airbnb guest charged with sexual assault after climbing naked into bed of host's 7-year-old daughter An Airbnb guest was arrested after a Minnesota host found the man naked in bed with his young daughter. The homeowner, who was not identified, called police Sunday night to report that Derrick Aaron Kinchen had allegedly tried to sexually assault his 7-year-old daughter. According to KARE, a criminal complaint states that Kinchen was renting a room in the family's Minnetonka home for a wedding. The homeowner said Kinchen, 28, returned to the residence late Sunday night and at some point entered the parents' bedroom, where the little girl was sleeping, and climbed into the bed. The host said when he noticed the lights were on in the master bedroom he went to investigate and found Kinchen naked next to the girl. The host allegedly told authorities that his daughter's nightgown had been pulled up. The homeowner said he started yelling and Kinchen grabbed his suit jacket, wallet and ran from the house. Kinchen was found hiding in a neighbor's fishing boat. He was hospitalized after being bitten by a police K-9. The little girl was taken to Children's Hospital for an evaluation. According to investigators, she said she woke up when Kinchen entered her parents' bedroom. The girl said Kinchen allegedly whispered something to her and then got in the bed. The criminal complaint states that Kinchen pulled the child's underwear down but she pulled them back up, KARE reports. Airbnb spokesman Benjamin Breit told the Daily News that all guest and hosts are screened "globally against regulatory, terrorist, and sanctions watch lists." Guests and hosts in the U.S. are also checked for sex offender registrations, felony convictions and significant misdemeanors. "The reported abhorrent behavior has no place on Airbnb and we will not tolerate it. We are focused on providing our host family with our full support, we are working with the local police to ensure they have our assistance and we banned this user from our community," he said. "Keeping our community safe is the most important thing we do. None of our hosts should ever have to deal with anything like this." Kinchen was charged with criminal sexual assault and is being held on $250,000 bail. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Angel Re: PDF from Royal Bank Dear Webby, I got this email from the Royal bank: You Have One Security Message From RBC Online Services Center. You will need to open the attached PDF document to proceed. Your attachments are saved to your computer in the default download location set by your browser. That sounds kinda fishy to me. Luckily I got MailWasher and just read the safe preview without letting it download anything to my machine. What do you say? Angel Dear Angel Dump it. That is just a scam carrying a viorus or worse. The Royal bank does not mail out PDF files. They tell you to log in and read your messages. Actually, I think most banks do the same. Just dump it. Don't waste time replying and telling them where to stuff it, since they just forged the sending address anyway. Just be glad you got MailWasher! Otherwise that evil PDF would have automatically downloaded onto your machine. Anybody else, check your download directory and dump any and all PDF files in there, unless you KNOW for sure they are legit. I doubt very much that you find any legit ones, that you still need. If you are not sure, dump them. Have FUN! DearWebby

A young man goes to the pet store, looks around, sees a dog he likes somewhat, and asks the manager for help. "I like this breed, but this one's legs are too short" he says to the clerk. And the clerk says, "What do you mean, 'Too short'? They reach the floor, don't they?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Napa Cabbage Stir Fry Recipe Napa cabbage is the original Chinese cabbage with crinkled, long leaves. By 15mhhm15 [259 Posts, 749 Comments] Prep Time: 30 minutes Cook Time: 20 minutes Total Time: 40 minutes Yield: 4 people Ingredients: 4 lb napa cabbage 2 tomatoes 1/2 white onions 1 lb shrimp Few Slices ginger 1 Head garlic 12 pieces mushrooms 3 Tbsp olive oil 1/2 tsp salt dash pepper 2 tsp oyster sauce Steps: Prep ingredients. Wash napa cabbage and cut into smaller pieces of your choice. Slice tomatoes, white onions, mince garlic, peel garlic (optional leave whole if you like a lot of garlic). Slice mushrooms. Wash shrimp and cut into smaller pieces or leave whole. In a large sauce pan, on high heat add 1 tablespoon olive oil and the garlic for a few minutes. Add napa cabbage until cooked. Then add tomatoes and salt. Turn off heat and set aside. In another pan on high heat, add 1 tablespoon olive oil and lightly caramelize white onions. Then add the shrimp and stir around until cooked. Add minced ginger and cook for a few more minutes until shrimp is fully cooked. In a small pot, add 1 tablespoon olive oil and sliced mushrooms. Stir around for a couple minutes and add oyster sauce. Now put all pans in one, combine together and its ready to serve. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com If you don't like shrimp, just add a sliced pepperoni stick and instead of oyster sauce use a TBSP salsa. The recicpe is very flexible and any experiment will turn out just fine. If you shred the Chinese cabbage, add a heaping TBSP of leftover mashed potatoes or instant mashed potatoes, a bit of milk or water, and two or three eggs, mix well and form into patties and fry them in oil or butter, you get a really fantastic treat. My mom used to make those Chinese Cabbage patties. There were no shrimps in the mountains. She used bits of farmer sausage instead. Those patties and a zesty potato salad were always a meal to look forward to. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Rick K and the All-Nighters WipeOut
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Darlene for this story: Some time back, my cousin, Steve moved to a new apartment. Steve had a business commitment out of town that weekend and so I and my three brothers all chipped in to help his wife move the furniture. The new apartment was on the third floor. We hauled everything up the three flights of stairs and around the tight corner through the kitchen put them where they belonged. Finally, we came to the large couch. After hauling it up three flights to the top of the stairs, we discovered it would not go around the corner through the kitchen. We took it back out into the hall and turned it and tried again. It still wouldn't fit. Finally all of us boosted the couch from the back of the truck up the side of the building. From the third floor, we passed the couch up and over the railing of the tiny balcony and in through the sliding doors into the living room. We all collapsed on the couch to catch our breath and made a pact that we would not tell Steve how we got the couch into the apartment. "The next time he moves," we conspired, "he will have to figure out how to get the couch out of there on his own. It will be our little secret. He will have to take a saw to it!" As luck would have it, Steve found a place he liked better about three months later. It really was a busy weekend at work, and none of us were available to help move. We waited eagerly to hear from Steve but there was nothing. Finally, after several days of waiting, I asked Steve, "So, did you get everything moved OK?" "Sure," he replied. "Did you run into any problems?" "No." "Now, wait a minute, we had to drag the couch up the outside of the building and haul it over the railing! How did you get it out of the living room? It didn't fit through the kitchen!" Steve looked at me with total disbelief and said, "Geez, you idiots! The legs unscrew!" __________________________________________________
Highlights from the 2017 Nat Geo Nature Photographer of the Year Contest
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Kathie for bringing back this classic: He didn't like the casserole And he didn't like my cake. He said my biscuits were too hard, Not like his mother used to make. I didn't perk the coffee right He didn't like the stew, I didn't mend his socks The way his mother used to do. I pondered for an answer I was looking for a clue. Then I turned around and smacked him Like his mother used to do.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" Well, the mother did not really want to get into a deep discussion about innocence and virginity, especially since this was the fourth wedding of the bride, so she fibbed: "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is one of the happiest days of her life." The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "Mom, why is the groom wearing black?" ____________________________________________________ From Nora Thanks for all the laughs!!!!It makes EVERYDAY a little easier when you can laugh!!!! I really enjoy the jokes!!! THANKS for putting a smile on my face!!!! NORA

Today, October 1, in 
1569 The Duke of Norfolk was imprisoned by Britain's Queen
Elizabeth for trying to marry Mary the Queen of Scots. 

1800 Spain ceded the territory of Louisiana back to France.
Later the property would be purchased by the U.S.
effectively doubling its size. 

1880 Thomas Edison began the commercial production of
electric lamps at Edison Lamp Works in Menlo Park. 

1885 Special delivery mail service began in the United
States. The first routes were in West Virginia. 

1890 The U.S. Congress passed the McKinley Tariff Act. The
act raised tariffs to a record level. 

1896 Rural Free Delivery was established by the U.S. Post
Office. 

1903 The first modern World Series took place between the
Boston Pilgrims and the Pittsburgh Pirates. 

1908 The Model T automobile was introduced by Henry Ford.
The purchase price of the car was $850. 

1918 Damascus was captured from the Turks during World War I
by a force made up of British and Arab forces. 

1936 General Francisco Franco was proclaimed the head of the
Spanish state. 

1938 German forces re-enter Czechoslovakia and seized
control of the German speaking Sudetenland. The Munich Pact
had been signed two days before. 

1940 The Pennsylvania Turnpike opened as the first toll
superhighway in the United States. 

1943 Naples was captured by the Allied forces during World
War II. 

1946 The International War Crimes Tribunal in Nuremberg
sentenced 12 Nazi officials to death. Seven others were
sentenced to prison terms and 3 were acquitted. 

1946 The first baseball play-off game for a league
championship was played. The St. Louis Cardinals defeated
the Brooklyn Dodgers, 4-2. 

1949 Mao Tse-tung raised the first flag of the People's
Republic of China when the communist forces had defeated the
Nationalists. The Nationalist forces fled to Taiwan. 

1962 Johnny Carson began hosting the "Tonight" show on NBC-
TV. He stayed with the show for 29 years. Jack Paar was the
previous host. 

1964 The Free Speech Movement was started at the University
of California at Berkeley. 

1968 "Night of the Living Dead" premiered in Pittsburgh, PA.


1971 Walt Disney World opened in Orlando, FL. 

1972 The Chinese government approved friendly relations with
the United States. 

1979 The United States handed control of the Canal Zone over
to Panama. 

1980 Robert Redford became the first male to appear alone on
the cover of "Ladies' Home Journal." He was the only male to
achieve this in 97 years. 

1982 EPCOT (Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow)
Center opened in Florida. The concept was planned by Walt
Disney. 

1984 U.S. Labor Secretary Raymond Donovan announced that he
was taking a leave of absence following his indictment on
charges of larceny and fraud. He was later acquitted. 

1985 The PLO's headquarters in Tunisia was raided by Israeli
jet fighters. 

1988 Mikhail Gorbachev assumed the Soviet presidency. 

1989 The authorized Charles Schulz biography, Good Grief,
was published. 

1989 7,000 East Germans were welcomed into West Germany
after they were allowed to leave by the communist
government. 

1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush addressed the U.N.
General Assembly and once again condemned Iraq's takeover of
Kuwait. 

1990 In Croatia, minority Serbs proclaimed autonomy. 

1991 U.S. President Bush condemned the military coup in
Haiti that removed President Jean-Bertrand Aristide from
power. U.S. economic and military aid was suspended. 

1991 The U.S. trust territory of Palau became independent. 

1992 The Strategic Arm Reduction Treaty was approved by the
U.S. Senate. 

1994 The U.S. and Japan avoided a trade war by reaching a
series of trade agreements. 

1994 The National Hockey League (NHL) team owners began a
lockout of the players that lasted 103 days. 

1995 Sheik Omar Abdel-Rahman and nine other defendants were
convicted in New York of conspiring to attack the U.S.
through bombings, kidnappings and assassinations. 

1996 Lucent Technologies became an independent company. 

1998 The U.S. government posted a $2.2 million reward for
the capture of Augustin Vasquez Mendoza. He is accused of
killing an undercover U.S. agent during a drug purchase in
1994. 

1999 The 50th anniversary of the founding of the Peoples
Republic of China was celebrated in Beijing. 

2001 San Francisco's Board of Supervisors voted unanimously
to ban Internet filters designed to keep pornography away
from children at city libraries. The board left the decision
up to the Library Commission to decide whether to install
filtering software in children's areas. A federal law in the
U.S. mandated the use of the filters. 

2009 In the United Arab Emirates, the exterior construction
of the Burj Khalifa skyscraper was completed. 

2017  smiled.


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Site with all manuals 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, September 27

Today, after I send out the Wednesday issue, 
I have to go for injections into my eyeballs again.
That means nothing will be sent out Thursday, Friday or
Saturday. Sunday I will be back.

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man charged with impersonating deputy, 
stealing patrol car
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 27 in
1825 George Stephenson operated the first American 
steam locomotive that hauled a passenger train.  
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. --- Susan Ertz Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else. --- Will Rogers Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. --- Thomas Szasz When everyone is against you, it means that you are absolutely wrong-- or absolutely right. --- Albert Guinon ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: It was a warm fall morning, and my husband decided to come home from work early to paint our deck. Before I left the house, I located all the necessary supplies and wrote him a note: "I put the paint in the closet downstairs. The brush is on the garage shelf." When I returned that evening, nothing had been done. My husband had left this written explanation: "I found the paint and the brush. Couldn't find the deck. Went fishing." _____________________________________________________ From Susan When I was 29 or so, I was teaching English in a high school where occasionally the faculty and staff were allowed to dress down. One of those days I donned a sweatshirt and slacks. A student came in, and his eyes widened. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "You should wear clothes like that every day. You look, like, twenty years younger. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Ed for the ALZHEIMERS EYE TEST NOTE=>Count first...after reading the EYE TEST... before scrolling down. Count every "F " in the following text: ---- FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS... (SEE BELOW) ---- HOW MANY ? ...................... 3? ***************************** WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke. READ IT AGAIN ! Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down. The reasoning is: An "OF" (Old Fogey) brain cannot process "OF". Incredible or what? Go back and look again!! Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first try, is not an Old Fogey. ______________________________________________________ Mark-Alls are FUN! She is going to be a make-up artist when she grows up! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Isael Lima, 18, Belleview, Florida Florida man charged with impersonating deputy, stealing patrol car A Florida man is facing several charges after he stole a deputy's uniform and patrol car and impersonated him while he was out of town, according to Marion County deputies. Detectives were called to investigate a burglary at a Marion County deputy's home Sept. 24. Deputy Yoandy Miranda told deputies that he left town for a couple of days and when he got home, he noticed someone had entered his locked bedroom. He said someone was also inside his patrol car, but nothing was stolen from the home or car. A day earlier, Belleview police officers were called to a disturbance at a convenience store. Belleview officers say they spoke with a man in a MCSO deputy uniform who identified himself as an off-duty deputy. Isael Lima, 18, introduced himself to MCSO Sgt. Bobby Levay as "Deputy Miranda" and said he witnessed a physical disturbance between two people at the gas station and asked for BPD's assistance, according to police. Levay said he was not personally familiar with Miranda and did not realize Lima was impersonating a deputy at that time. The next day, Miranda contacted Levay to let him know about the possible burglary to his home and car. Levay realized that the "Deputy Miranda" he met the previous day was not the real Deputy Miranda. Using footage from the BPD officer's body camera, detectives and Miranda identified the person at the gas station as Miranda's nephew Lima. Lima lives with Miranda and admitted to breaking into Miranda's room and stealing his uniform and issued equipment while he was away, deputies said. Lima told detectives that he initially put on the uniform and drove to his girlfriend's home because he wanted to impress her. He said he stole Miranda's patrol car, dressed in his MCSO uniform and conducted a traffic stop on a vehicle. Lima told detectives that he picked up a friend who rode with him in the patrol car and that his friend recorded video of the traffic stop. That video was obtained by MCSO detectives. Lima also admitted to impersonating Miranda at the convenience store in Belleview with BPD officers, deputies said. Lima was arrested and charged with grand theft of a motor vehicle, grand theft of a firearm, openly carrying prohibited weapon, theft of law enforcement equipment from an emergency vehicle, burglary of a conveyance, armed burglary of a dwelling, impersonating a law enforcement official, and giving a false name to a law enforcement officer. "I don't think this man realized the danger he put himself in by trying to impersonate a deputy sheriff," Chief Deputy Robert Douglas said. "Our deputies undergo extensive, ongoing training to be able to do their job safely. Ensuring public safety and trust are our priorities and this is why we take this type of crime so seriously." _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ross Re: Site with manuals Dear Webby, Is this a scam or what ? Manuals Ross Dear Ross They are quite legit. Donations go to 4humanrights.org, the organization trying to help people in Belarussia achieve democracy. As you may have read, they live in a very tightly controlled dictatorship and getting funds is extremely difficult for them. Have FUN! DearWebby

The passenger sat in the backseat, clutching the door handle and wondering if she could expect to survive the trip. The cabdriver sped through the crowded streets,weaving in and out of traffic. The passenger watched as one pedestrian after another ran to avoid being run down by her lunatic driver. She looked ahead and saw a truck double-parked on the narrow street,but not only did the taxi driver fail to slow down, he actually accelerated as he approached the truck. He slipped his cab through the available space with an inch or two to spare on either side. "Driver!" the passenger screamed,"Are you trying to get us both killed?" "Relax,lady," he said, "just do what I do. Close your eyes."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cauliflower Pudding By Judy [368 Posts, 4,486 Comments] Prep Time: 20 minutes Cook Time: 1 hour Total Time: 1 hour and 20 minutes Yield: 6 Source: Nursery School Cookbook Ingredients: 1 large head of cauliflower, cut into florets 1 cup onions, chopped oil 2 eggs 1/4 tsp salt 4 Tbsp butter or margarine, melted 4 Tbsp seasoned bread crumbs Steps: Steam or microwave the cauliflower until tender, but not mushy. Drain the cauliflower and mash it up with a fork. Sauté the onions until translucent. Mix all the ingredients together in a large bowl. Transfer to an 8-inch square or round pan. Bake for an hour at 400 degrees F. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Unless you are a fanatic vegetarian, you can saute a handful of cubed farmer sausage with the onions and really crank up the flavor! Your cauliflour casserole will become a weekly staple. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Rick K and the All-Nighters WipeOut
____________________________________________________ A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor, noticing that the previous bill hadn't been paid, instructed the collections manager to contact the customer. The collections manager made the call and left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one." The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call from the customer who said, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long." __________________________________________________
What a fun idea! An art project for train passengers.
___________________________________________________ President Calvin Coolidge, 30th U.S. president (1923 to 1929) was a man of very few words. One Sunday he went to church, but his wife, Grace, stayed home. When he returned, she asked, "Was the sermon good?" "Yup," was Coolidge's brief reply. "What was it about?" Grace asked. "Sin." "And what did the minister say?" "Seems to be against it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
The little girl was sitting in her grandfather's lap as he read her a goodnight story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek and his. Finally she spoke. "Granddaddy, did God make you?" "Yes, sweetheart" he answered, "God made me a long time ago." "Oh" she said, then "Granddaddy, did God make me too?" "Yes, indeed honey" he assured her. "God made you just a little while ago." "Oh" she said. Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it now isn't he?" ____________________________________________________ From Carl I love your daily letter. It is the best on the net. Todays column was exceptionally good. Love the world's simplest test and the joke about the nuns a while ago was just over the top. I actually have a joke file on my hard drive. I've been saving jokes for years. Most of them are from your column. Maybe I'll be a standup comic after retirement...... Carl

Today, Sept 27, in 
1779 John Adams was elected to negotiate with the British
over the American Revolutionary War peace terms. 

1825 George Stephenson operated the first American steam
locomotive that hauled a passenger train. 

1894 The Aqueduct Race Track opened in New York City, NY. 

1928 The U.S. announced that it would recognize the
Nationalist Chinese Government. 

1938 The League of Nations branded the Japanese as
aggressors in China. 

1939 After 19 days of token resistance, Warsaw, Poland,
surrendered to the Germans after being invaded by the Nazis
and the Soviet Union during World War II. 

1940 The Berlin-Rome-Tokyo Axis was set up. The military and
economic pact was for 10 years between Germany, Italy and
Japan. 

1962 The U.S. sold Hawk anti-aircraft missiles to Israel. 

1968 The U.K.'s entry into the European Common Market was
barred by France. 

1970 "The Original Amateur Hour" aired for the last time on
CBS. It had been on television for 22 years. 

1973 U.S. Vice President Spiro Agnew said he would not
resign after he pled "no contest" to a charge of tax
evasion. He did resign on October 10th. 

1982 Italian and French soldiers entered the Sabra and
Chatilla refugee camps in Beirut. The move was made by the
members of a multinational force due to hundreds of
Palestinians being massacred by Christian militiamen. 

1989 Columbia Pictures Entertainment agreed to buyout Sony
Corporation for $3.4 billion. 

1989 Two men went over the 176-foot-high Niagara Falls in a
barrel. Jeffrey Petkovich and Peter Debernardi were the
first to ever survive the Horshoe Falls. 

1990 The deposed emir of Kuwait addressed the U.N. General
Assembly and denounced the "rape, destruction and terror"
that Iraq had inflicted upon his country. 

1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush eliminated all land-
based tactical nuclear arms and removed all short-range
nuclear arms from ships and submarines around the world.
Bush then called on the Soviet Union to do the same. 

1994 More than 350 Republican congressional candidates
signed the Contract with America. It was a 10-point platform
they pledged to enact if voters sent a GOP majority to the
House. 

2004 North Korean Vice Foreign Minister Choe Su Hon
announced that North Korea had turned plutonium from 8,000
spent nuclear fuel rods into nuclear weapons. He also said
that the weapons were to serve as a deterrent against
increasing U.S. nuclear threats and to prevent nuclear war
in northeast Asia. The U.S. State Department noted that the
U.S. has repeatedly said that the U.S. has no plans to
attack North Korea. 

2017  smiled.


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Multiple spam controls 





Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, September 26

Tomorrow, after I send out the Wednesday issue, 
I have to go for injections into my eyeballs again.
That means nothing will be sent out Thursday, Friday or
Saturday. Sunday I will be back.

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man arrested after killing tenant
during eviction dispute
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 26 in
1950 U.N. troops recaptured the South Korean capital of
Seoul from the North Koreans during the Korean Conflict. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new. --- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true. --- Dorothy Parker ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill." Later, he got a bill for $200, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense. Bills for $200 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on. "Well," said the other brother, "you said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo." _____________________________________________________ An airline pilot with poor eyesight managed to pass his periodic vision exams by memorizing the eye charts beforehand. One year, though, his doctor used a new chart that the pilot had never before seen. The pilot proceeded to recite the old chart and the doctor realized that he'd been suckered all these years. Then the doctor could not contain his curiosity. "How is it that someone with your eyesight can manage to pilot a plane at all? I mean, how for example do you taxi the plane out to the runway?" "Well," said the pilot, "it's really not very hard. All you have to do is follow the instructions of the ground controller over the radio. And besides, the landmarks have all become quite familiar to me over the years." "I can understand that," replied the doctor. "But what about the take-off?" "Again, a simple procedure. I just aim the plane down the runway, go to full throttle, pull back on the stick, and off we go!" "But once you're aloft?" "Oh, everything's fully automated these days. The flight computer knows our destination, and all I have to do is hit the auto-pilot and the plane pretty much flies itself." "But I still don't see how you land!" "Oh, that's the easiest part of all. All I do is use the airport's radio beacon to get us on the proper glide path. Then I just throttle down and wait for the co-pilot to yell, 'AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!', then I pull the nose up, and the plane lands just fine!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner. On the first hole, he sliced into the rough. His opponent heard him mutter "Hoover!" under his breath. On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water hazard. "Hoover!" again, a little louder this time. On the third hole, a miracle occured and Fr. Murphy's drive landed on the green only six inches from the hole! "Praise be to God!" He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in. "HOOVER!!!!" By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his curiosity any longer, and asked why the priest said "Hoover". "It's the biggest dam I know." ______________________________________________________ Off to supper! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ryan Wilder, 32, Duck Key, Florida Florida man arrested after killing tenant during eviction dispute Ryan Wilder was in a Florida Keys jail Saturday, accused of killing his parents' tenant in Duck Key. Monroe County Sheriff's Office deputies said Wilder, 32, was evicting Kenneth Palicki and Colleen Lyons from his parents' property at 162 North Indies Drive when the shooting happened Friday evening. Wilder was removing their things when Palicki, 47, got home and told Lyons, 25, to call the police. During the 911 call, Lyons said Wilder shot Palicki several times. "Lyons then saw Wilder walk out to his truck, gun still in his hand, and get in," sheriff's spokeswoman Becky Herrin said. "She gave dispatchers a description of the truck and its direction of travel as Wilder drove away." Sgt. Joel Slough stopped Wilder and arrested him. Palicki was taken to Fisherman's Hospital in Marathon, where doctors pronounced him dead. He had four gunshot wounds to his left forearm, mid-back and upper thigh. Palicki and Lyons had received an eviction notice requiring them to leave the house by Aug. 23. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Helen Re: Multiple Spam Controls Dear Webby, First, kudos to your forever refreshing Humor Letter. Your willingness to help with technical advice is more valuable than you can imagine to folks who need help and don't know where where to turn. I see many people raving about Mail Washer. I have Norton installed on my computer, which already has a spam filter. Can I use them both without any problem? Thanks, Webby! You're the best! Helen Dear Helen It's best to use just one spam control program at a time. As long as Norton takes care of the spam well enough, use that. When it gets too hard to tune it or is overwhelmed and can't quite cope with all the spam any more, then turn it's spam control off and get MailWasher. If you have two of them running, then you never know which one has done what. Have FUN! DearWebby

From Bill: After four years of separation, my wife and I finally divorced amicably. I wanted to date again, but I had no idea of how to start, so I decided to look in the personals column of the local newspaper. After reading through all the listings, I circled three that seemed possible in terms of age and interest, but I put off calling them. Two days later, there was a message on my answering machine from my ex-wife. "I came over to your house to borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in the paper. Don't call the one in the second column. That's me, and the last one you circled, that`s mom."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Painted Halloween Jars These are scarecrow and pumpkin decorated electric tealight holders. They could also be made as decorative treat jars Materials recycled jar and lid spray paint (see instructions for colors) raffia, flowers, and other decorative elements, as desired clear sealer (optional) electric tea light Instructions Wash and dry a jar of any size. Remove labels. Spray paint jar and lid (flesh, beige for Scarecrow, terracotta or orange for pumpkin). Allow to dry. Glue lid (inside facing upward) to top of jar (I used E- 6000). If you desire to use these as treat jars, do not glue lid to top of jar. Decorate face as desired using paint pens or craft paint. Spray lightly with a clear sealer to keep paint from scratching. For scarecrow, glue raffia around brim of hat, trim for bangs. To make hat, decorate a straw hat with artificial flowers, buttons and ribbon to your liking. I painted a wooden triangle to resemble a crow! Attach hat to lid (I again used E-6000). Place electric tealight on lid. Because of the raffia and straw hat this is extremely FLAMMABLE, I recommend using an electric tea light instead of a regular candle. Made in a variety of shapes and sizes, these look adorable on a mantle or porch. And can be used year after year! By Diana, Louisville, KY Editor's Note: This project should never be used with a traditional candle flame, it is very flammable. Only battery operated tealights or other non-flame candle substites should be used. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
For pacious guys
____________________________________________________ Things you don't want to hear at a Tattoo Parlor ~ "Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE." ~ "We're all out of red, so I used pink." ~ "There are 2 Os in Bob, right?" ~ "Sorry, Ma'am, your chest will only hold the bottle dinghy." ~ "That call was for you. Hope you meet someone else named Tahiti Bob." ~ "Gosh, I hate it when I get the hiccups." ~ "Anything else you want to say? You've got plenty of room back here." ~ "I'll bet you can't tell I've never done this before." ~ "The flag's all done and, you know, the folds of fat make a nice waving effect." ~ "Oops ... " __________________________________________________
Funny Seattle gas station sign.
___________________________________________________ A young woman decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into action. As it gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, she begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway! The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious of its slipping rider. Finally, losing her frail grip, she attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over and over. As her head is battered against the ground and she is mere moments away from unconsciousness, to her great fortune, Frank the Walmart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
from Martin, the world's easiest Quiz: 1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 2) Which country makes Panama hats? 3) From which animal do we get cat gut? 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? 5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after which animal? 7) What was King George VI's first name? 8) What color is a purple finch? 9) What country do Chinese gooseberries come from? 10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? All done? Check your answers below! ____________________________________________________ Dear Webby, I really do appreciate that you select your humor so carefully. It is never mean or derogatory, and you never have Blonde or lawyer jokes. I am a blonde lawyer and sick and tired of being the butt of most jokes everywhere else. Yours are refreshingly upbeat and clean. Thanks! Irene ____________________________________________________ ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ: 1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? Answer: 116 years 2) Which country makes Panama hats? Answer: Ecuador 3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Answer: Sheep and Horses 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? Answer: In November 5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Answer: Squirrel fur 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Answer: Dogs 7) What was King George VI's first name? Answer: Albert 8) What color is a purple finch? Answer: Crimson 9) What country do Chinese gooseberries come from? Answer: New Zealand 10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Answer: bright orange, of course.

Today, Sept 26, in 
1777 Philadelphia was occupied by British troops during the
American Revolutionary War. 

1908 Ed Eulbach of the Chicago Cubs became the first
baseball player to pitch both games of a doubleheader and
win both with shutouts. 

1908 In "The Saturday Evening Post" an ad for the Edison
Phonograph appeared. 

1918 During World War I, the Meuse-Argonne offensive against
the Germans began. It was the final Allied offensive on the
western front. 

1950 U.N. troops recaptured the South Korean capital of
Seoul from the North Koreans during the Korean Conflict. 

1955 The New York Stock Exchange suffered its worst decline
since 1929 when the word was released concerning U.S.
President Eisenhower's heart attack. 

1960 The first televised debate between presidential
candidates Richard M. Nixon and John F. Kennedy took place
in Chicago, IL. 

1962 "The Beverly Hillbillies" premiered on CBS-TV. 

1964 "Gilligan's Island" premiered on CBS-TV. The show aired
for the last time on September 4, 1967. 

1969 "The Brady Bunch" series premiered on ABC-TV. 

1980 The Cuban government abruptly closed Mariel Harbor to
end the freedom flotilla of Cuban refugees that began the
previous April. 

1981 The Boeing 767 made its maiden flight in Everett, WA. 

1984 Britain and China initialed a draft agreement on the
future of Hong Kong when the Chinese take over ruling the
British Colony. 

1985 Shamu was born at Sea World in Orlando, FL. Shamu was
the first killer whale to survive being born in captivity. 

1990 The Motion Picture Association of America announced
that it had created a new rating. The new NC17 rating was to
keep moviegoers under the age of 17 from seeing certain
films. 

1991 Four men and four women began their two-year stay
inside the "Biosphere II." The project was intended to
develop technology for future space colonies and was
abandoned in 1993 when they got caught ordering pizza. 

1993 The eight people who had stayed in "Biosphere II"
emerged from their sealed off environment. 

1995 The warring factions of Bosnia agreed on guidelines for
elections and a future government. 

1996 Shannon Lucid returned to Earth after being in space
for 188 days. she set a time record for a U.S. astronaut in
space and in the world for time spent by a woman in space. 

2000 The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Born-Alive
Infants Protection Act. The act states that an infant would
be considered to have been born alive if he or she is
completely extracted or expelled from the mother and
breathes and has a beating heart and definite movement of
the voluntary muscles. 

2000 Slobodan Milosevic conceded that Vojislav Kostunica had
won Yugoslavia's presidential election and declared a
runoff. The declared runoff prompted mass protests. 

2001 In Kabul, Afghanistan, the abandoned U.S. Embassy was
stormed by protesters. It was the largest anti-Amercian
protest since the terror attacks on New York City and
Washington, DC, on September 11. 

2001 Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat and Israeli Foreign
Minister Shimon Peres announced plans to formalize a cease-
fire and end a year of fighting in the region. 

2006 Facebook was openened to everyone at least 13 years or
older with a valid email address. 

2017  smiled.


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Tape to CD 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, September 25

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man arrested after breaking into 
Key Largo home to nap and burgle, 
swims away from deputies when chased, 
but is caught by game warden.
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 25 in
1493 Christopher Columbus left Spain with 17 ships 
on his second voyage to the Western Hemisphere. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach their children to speak it. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) Truly great madness cannot be achieved without significant intelligence. --- Henrik Tikkanen Democracy is the illusion that more than half of the people are right more than half the time. --- E. B. White, 1944 Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. --- Sidney J. Harris ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad new is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates your headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles." Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefl y and said, "Let's see... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!", the tailor said. Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck." Joe was surprised, That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years." Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure." The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36." Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache." _____________________________________________________ The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it to do over again. "Sure," she replied, "but not the same ones." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too: "A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry." she told him. "Really?" asked the boyfriend, "And just how many men are you planning to marry?" ______________________________________________________ Kiss ? _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Brandt, 22, Miami, Florida Florida man arrested after breaking into Key Largo home to nap and burgle, swims away from deputies when chased, but is caught by game warden. A man from Miami was arrested in Key Largo on Tuesday night after deputies said he broke into a home to take a nap in the air conditioning. Monroe County Sheriff’s Office deputies responded to a gated community when a security officer reported that Michael Brandt, 22, was acting suspicious and fled away from him on a bicycle, WPLG reports. When deputies found Brandt outside the neighborhood, he got off his bike, jumped into the water, and swam away. During the deputies’ search, a state wildlife officer located Brandt on the roadway and arrested him. Deputies said Brandt admitted to breaking into the home so he could sleep in the cool AC, and that he also stole money in the house, WPLG reports. He remains at the county jail on a $115,000 bond for charges of burglary, grand theft, criminal mischief, and resisting arrest, according to jail records. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jessie Re: Tape to CD Dear Webby, I get a lot of good tips from you. Thank you. Can you tell me if there is a way to record from a Cassette to a CD? I have an Iomega Super DVD/CD burner that I can record from my camcorder to, but haven't figured out the cassette. Thanks for any help. Jessie Dear Jessie Yes, sure there is a way. Connect a cable with male 1/8" headphone plugs on each end from the headphone socket on your tape player to the AUX-IN or the microphone socket on your computer, then record it with any sound recording software. The AUX-IN socket is the one that has neither a headphone nor a microphone symbol, but something weird and incomprehensible. often it is color coded blue. Most sound cards come with some basic sound recording software, and you can find lots more with Google. Windows Sound Recorder works too. Recording quality is the same. The difference between different recording software is usually in how easy or complicated it is to splice and edit. Almost all of them are either free or have a free trial period. Just try a bunch of them and find the one that suits you the best. Some of the not-free programs even have fancy scratch and static filters. Save the music in MP3 or MP4 format, so that you can play it in Audio CD and MP3 or MP4 players. Have FUN! DearWebby

From Jerry: Dear Webby, I know that St. Patrick's Day is over, but couldn't pass this by. Jerry An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!!" "What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look. "The pub called. You left your wheelchair there again."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Lime Deposits in a Teakettle Remove lime deposits from your teakettle by filling the kettle with equal parts vinegar and water. Then bring the water to a boil and let it sit over night. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Someone's had way too much time!
____________________________________________________ One employee said to another, "When the boss' son starts work here next week, remember that he's not supposed to have any special privileges or authority. Treat him just like you would anyone, who is due to take over the whole company in a year or two." __________________________________________________
The forgotten history of the Neapolitan ‘Kindergarten Ship’ where street boys were given a chance to get an education and make a life for themselves.
___________________________________________________ From Annie I was getting my hair cut at a neighborhood shop, and I asked the barber when would be the best time to bring in my two-year-old son for a haircut. Without hesitation, the barber said, "When he's four."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ From Fran Dear Webby I sure am glad you talked me into getting MailWasher! All of a sudden email is useable again, and just shows the real mail, without any of the junk. Many, many thanks! Fran ____________________________________________________

Today, Sept 25, in 
1493 Christopher Columbus left Spain with 17 ships on his
second voyage to the Western Hemisphere. 

1513 The Pacific Ocean was discovered by Spanish explorer
Vasco Nunez de Balboa when he crossed the Isthmus of Panama.
He named the body of water the South Sea. He was truly just
the first European to see the Pacific Ocean. 

1775 Ethan Allen was captured by the British during the
American Revolutionary War. He was leading the attack on
Montreal. 

1789 The first U.S. Congress adopted 12 amendments to the
Constitution. Ten of the amendments became the Bill of
Rights. 

1847 During the Mexican-American War, U.S. forces led by
General Zachary Taylor captured Monterrey Mexico. 

1890 The Sequoia National Park was established as a U.S.
National Park in Central California. 

1890 Mormon President Wilford Woodruff issued a Manifesto in
which the practice of polygamy was renounced. 

1919 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson collapsed after a speech
in Pueblo, CO. The speaking tour was in support of the
Treaty of Versailles. 

1933 Tom Mix was heard on NBC Radio for the first time. His
show ran until June of 1950. 

1956 A transatlantic telephone-cable system began operation
between Newfoundland and Scotland. 

1957 300 U.S. Army troops stood guard as nine black students
were escorted to class at Central High School in Little
Rock, AR. The children had been forced to withdraw 2 days
earlier because of unruly white mobs. 

1965 Willie Mays, at the age of 34, became the oldest man to
hit 50 home runs in a single season. He had also set the
record for the youngest to hit 50 ten years earlier. 

1973 The three crewmen of Skylab II landed in the Pacific
Ocean after being on the U.S. space laboratory for 59 days. 

1978 Melissa Ludtke, a writer for "Sports Illustrated",
filed a suit in U.S. District Court. The result was that
Major League Baseball could not bar female writers from the
locker room after the game. 

1981 Sandra Day O'Connor became the first female justice of
the U.S. Supreme Court when she was sworn in as the 102nd
justice. She had been nominated the previous July by U.S.
President Ronald Reagan. 

1983 A Soviet military officer, Stanislav Petrov, averted a
potential worldwide nuclear war. He declared a false alarm
after a U.S. attack was detected by a Soviet early warning
system. It was later discovered the alarms had been set off
when the satellite warning system mistakenly interpreted
sunlight reflections off clouds as the presence of enemy
missiles. 

1986 An 1894-S Barber Head dime was bought for $83,000 at a
coin auction in California. It is one of a dozen that exist.


1987 The booty collected from the Wydah, which sunk off Cape
Cod in 1717, was auctioned off. The worth was around $400
million. 

1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to impose an air
embargo against Iraq. Cuba was the only dissenting vote. 

1991 The U.N. Security Council unanimously ordered a
worldwide arms embargo against Yugoslavia and all of its
warring factions. 

1992 In Orlando, FL, a judge ruled in favor of 12-year-old
Gregory Kingsley. He had sought a divorce from his
biological parents. 

1992 The Mars Observer blasted off on a mission that cost
$980 million. The probe has not been heard from since it
reached Mars in August of 1993. 

1995 Ross Perot announced that he would form the
Independence Party. 

1997 NBC sportscaster Marv Albert pled guilty to assault and
battery of a lover. He was fired from NBC within hours. 

2001 Michael Jordan announced that he would return to the
NBA as a player for the Washington Wizards. Jordan became
the president of basketball operations for the team on
January 19, 2000. 

2002 U.S. forces landed in Ivory Coast to aid in the rescue
foreigners trapped in a school by fighting between
government troops and rebel troops. Rebels had attempted to
take over the government on September 19. 

2012 China launched its first aircraft carrier into service.

2017  smiled.


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Adding a .ico picture to signature block 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, September 24

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Louisiana man arrested for killing two 
black men may have been racially motivated.
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 24 in
1869 Thousands of businessmen were financially ruined after
a panic on Wall Street. The panic was caused by an attempt
to corner the gold market by Jay Gould and James Fisk. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. --- Abba Eban (1915 - 2002) He who lives without folly isn't so wise as he thinks. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld No man is a failure who is enjoying life. --- William Feather ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ SPELL CHECQUER Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My chequer tolled me sew. _____________________________________________________ Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk. "That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take 10 yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then teasingly held it out. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a grinning little old lady standing beside her. "Grandma is paying for it," she smiled. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ An old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes, I can't see very well these days." The Doctor fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed. The doctor replies, "What's the problem? Didn't the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc, but I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years! ______________________________________________________ Bushkill Falls, Pennsylvania _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kenneth Gleason, 23, Baton Rouge, Louisiana Louisiana man arrested for killing two black men may have been racially motivated. A Louisiana man accused of killing two black men in what may have been racially motivated attacks last week reportedly had a copy of an Adolf Hitler speech in his home. A police source, speaking to The Associated Press, confirmed the unsettling discovery by authorities at the Baton Rouge home of Kenneth Gleason. The 23-year-old, reportedly an Eagle Scout, faces two counts of first-degree murder for the separate shootings. Authorities declined to comment on the discovery of a speech by the Nazi leader or on a possible motive in the killings at a Tuesday news conference, saying only that they’re looking into all possibilities at this time, including whether the killings were motivated by racism. Hitler had made thousands of speeches and until he went nuts after England turned his traditional European border re- alignements into a World War, he was considered quite smart even though he was a socialist. He was even New York Times Man Of The Year. Some people analyzed his speeches and compared them to Hillary`s campaign speeches. Until he went nuts, his speeches were mostly about socialism and rebuilding after WWI. Baton Rouge police Sgt. L’Jean McKneely had previously told the AP that there was “a strong possibility that it could be racially motivated.” Gleason was arrested over the weekend on unrelated drug charges after authorities said they linked his red car to the deaths of 59-year-old Bruce Cofield on Sept. 12 and 49- year-old Donald Smart on Sept. 14. Police had said that the victims, who were shot first from a car and then again at close range, appeared targeted at random. Gleason posted bail Sunday on the drug charges before being arrested again in the slaying investigation as well as for suspicion of aggravated criminal damage for a third shooting in which a gunman fired at the home of a black family in Gleason’s neighborhood. Police said shell casings recovered from the scenes matched and that Gleason’s DNA was found on some of them. A conviction on the murder charges could bring a death sentence, said East Baton Rouge District Attorney Hillar Moore III, who described the attacks as cold and calculated. “Had there not been a swift conclusion to this case, I feel confident that this killer probably would have killed again,” said Interim Police Chief Jonny Dunnam. Gleason, who was seen wearing what appeared to be a T-shirt for the Boy Scouts’ rugged Philmont Scout Ranch in New Mexico during his arrest Tuesday, earned the top Eagle Scout rank in 2012 after completing a construction project for a United Methodist Church, according to The Advocate in Baton Rouge. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Adding .ico picture to email Dear Webby, As you can see, after all these years thanks to you, I am able to add a signature to my Eudora e-mails. I failed to copy an .ico of my dog to the signature. How do I do this? Thanks. Bill Dear Bill You have to use standard picture formats. .ico is not standard, it is actually .bmp, a totally obsolete format from the 80's, but Microsoft used it in Windows 1, and has not figured out yet how to change that to a standard format. A 640 x 480 .bmp picture filled an entire 3.5" floppy disk. I used to travel with two shoe boxes filled with disks to use with my camera. That is how obsolete that format is. You can rename that .ico picture to .bmp, and then use any decent graphics program to convert it to .jpg Then you can use it in your signature block just like the mug shot that I use in my signature block. Have FUN! DearWebby

A psychiatrist who had tired of listening to the assorted troubles and dreams that poured from his consulting couch, rigged up a tape recorder. Explaining to his patients that he could analyze a case better this way, he would turn on the machine, tell the patient to keep talking and quietly slip out for a beer. This worked well for a while, but one day he looked up from his beer to see the patient who was supposed to be upstairs on the couch. "What are you doing here?" asked the doctor. "Well, Doc," said the patient, "I've taped my dreams and stuff for the last couple of days, and now my tape recorder is upstairs talking to your tape recorder."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Grease Spills In The Oven If grease or oil spills in your oven, quickly toss some salt on the stain. Once the oven has cooled off and the salt has dried, brush it out of your oven. Most of the stain should be gone. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Someone's had way too much time!
____________________________________________________ Harry the complainer and his wife happened to pass away on the same day and as they awaited their interview with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, they were approached by an angel. The angle said, "Hello, I am your host, and welcome to Heaven. In a few moments you'll be entering through our famous Pearly Gates for the most fantastic adventure you've ever experienced. You'll have a chauffeur driven limousine service anywhere in the universe, plus deluxe accommodations at our luxury hotel with all the amenities: pool, Jacuzzi, indoor tennis courts, and more. Then after your day of relaxation, dine at any of our 5-star restaurants savoring the finest of any cuisine known to man." Harry gave his wife a shove in the ribs with his elbow and said, "If it wasn't for you and that stupid oat bran, we would have been here ten years ago!" __________________________________________________
Remember "I Love Lucy?"Â Glamorous photos of a beautiful young Lucille Ball.
___________________________________________________ Two cab drivers met and one asked the other, "Hey, why do you have one side of your cab painted red and the other side blue?" The other driver said, "When I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ From Chuck Enjoy your jokes. My son left for Iraq yesterday. We have a hard time talking (just not much to talk about), so I pick a joke or two from your list and send them to him. That way even if there isn't much to say, I can send him a little humor. Thanks. Chuck Hi Chuck You can tell your son that I am thinking about him and am grateful for what he does for us. You can also tell him about the red notice I put up every Friday to wear a bit of red to show support for the troops. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________

Today, Sept 24, in 
1869 Thousands of businessmen were financially ruined after
a panic on Wall Street. The panic was caused by an attempt
to corner the gold market by Jay Gould and James Fisk. 

1929 The first all-instrument flight took place in New York
when Lt. James H. Doolittle guided a Consolidated NY2
Biplane over Mitchell Field. 

1933 "Roses and Drums" was heard on WABC in New York City.
It was the first dramatic presentation for radio. 

1938 Don Budge became the first tennis player to win all
four of the major titles when he won the U.S. Tennis Open.
He had already won the Australian Open, the French Open and
the British Open. 

1957 U.S. President Eisenhower sent federal troops to Little
Rock, AR, to enforce school integration. 

1960 The first nuclear powered aircraft carrier was
launched. The USS Enterprise set out from Newport News, VA. 

1961 "The Bullwinkle Show" premiered in prime time on NBC-
TV. The show was originally on ABC in the afternoon as
"Rocky and His Friends." 

1963 The U.S. Senate ratified a treaty that limited nuclear
testing. The treaty was between the U.S., Britain, and the
Soviet Union. 

1995 Three decades of Israeli occupation of West Bank cities
ended with the signing of a pact by Israel and the PLO. 

1996 The United States, represented by President Clinton,
and the world's other major nuclear powers signed a
Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty to end all testing and
development of nuclear weapons. 

1998 The U.S. Federal Reserve released into circulation $2
billion in new harder-to-counterfeit $20 bills. 

2001 U.S. President George W. Bush froze the assets of 27
suspected terrorists and terrorist groups. 

2017  smiled.


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How to add pictures to emails automatically 





Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, September 23

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Floriduh mom, daughter arressted for 
beating a woman unconscious in road-rage
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 23 in
1779 John Paul Jones, commander of the American warship Bon
Homme, was quoted as saying "I have not yet begun to fight!"
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A man can stand anything except a succession of ordinary days. --- ann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A Florida officer pulls over old Mrs. Fisher because her hand signals were confusing. "Mrs Fisher," he said, "I know that your turn signal has been stuck on right-turn since you bought that car six years ago, but now your hand signals are getting a bit too confusing for us mere mortals to understand. First you put your hand up, like you're turning right, then you wave your hand up and down, then you turn left," said the officer. "I decided not to turn right," she explains. "Then why the up and down?" asks the officer. "Officer," she sniffs, "I was erasing!" _____________________________________________________ Bradley and Michael took a job on a farm to eke out a meager existence. One day while Bradley was baling hay, he sees Michael come running up yelling, "Bradley, come quick! Seamus just fell into the manure pit up to his ankles!" Bradley was not alarmed in the least. He asked Michael, "If he's only in up to his ankles, can't he just walk out?" "No," said Michael, running off again. "Grab a shovel, and hurry, he fell in head first!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. Dad works twelve hours a day so that I got a nice house and lotsa food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!" The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!" The first kid says, "I saw some suitcases. I think they are trying to escape!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alicia Nicole Scarduzio, 49, Shelley Lyn Gemberling, 20, Pasco, Florida Floriduh mom, daughter arressted for beating a woman unconscious in road-rage Two Pasco County women face battery charges after a witness recorded them beating another woman during a road-rage encounter. Investigators said at 3:45 p.m. on Tuesday, mother and daughter, Shelley Lyn Gemberling, 49, and Alicia Nicole Scarduzio, 20, got into an argument with Emily Bailey at the intersection of Little Road and Trouble Creek Road in New Port Richey. Bailey was inside her vehicle, which was in the left lane of Little Road. Gemberling and Scarduzio’s vehicle was in the right lane. “It was the longest red light of my life. They kept screaming at me, telling me they wanted to f—–g kill me. I just wanted the light to change,” Bailey said. “I never thought they would get out of their car and run toward me and pull me out of my vehicle.” Investigators said Gemberling and Scarduzio got out of their vehicle and approached the open driver’s window, reached in and grabbed Bailey by her hair and neck and pulled her outside through the window. Bailey, a veterinary technician, said she fell to the ground and then Gemberling and Scarduzio began punching her on her face and body. She says she thought she was going to die. “They tried to drag me through my window. When I looked into the woman’s eyes, I saw pure rage. It looked like she wanted to kill me,” Bailey said. “During those times, the daughter said, stop hitting my mom. Quit hitting my mom. And, then she hit me again. And, everything went black.” Detectives say Bailey lost consciousness and suffered a broken nose and other injuries. Gemberling and Scarduzio did not stop beating her until a citizen intervened. “Why were you attacking me when you were in the wrong? You cut me off,” Bailey said. “It could have been avoided. No one had to get hurt. No one had to go to jail. These were choices that they made.” A witness reported seeing Gemberling pulling Bailey out of the vehicle through the window. The witness said she did not see Bailey strike the suspects at any time, but did see the suspects strike her. “The mom grabbed me by my throat and started squeezing my neck. The daughter grabbed me by the back of my hair and started pulling,” Bailey recalled. The witness also said that Scarduzio hit Bailey multiple times while she was on the ground. “All I could think about was my son,” Bailey said. Video recorded by a witness showed Bailey on the ground –motionless- while Scarduzio hit and kicked her until a guy from a car further back ran up and stopped them from beating and stomping the unconscious woman. “It’s hard to watch. It’s very traumatizing. I think I’ve cried the first four times I’ve seen it,” Bailey said. “I question every time getting in the car now. Definitely, I don’t want to beep my horn at anyone.” Bailey told deputies that Gemberling and Scarduzio approached her because of a traffic incident. As Bailey tried to raise her window, the pair reached into her vehicle and grabbed her by her hair and throat, then pulled her out of the vehicle and began beating her. Deputies said Scarduzio denied punching Bailey in the face but did say she hit her with her open hand. Gemberling allegedly told deputies that Bailey got out of her vehicle and pushed her. Alicia Nicole Scarduzio, 20, and Kelly Lyn Gamberling, 49, were arrested and charged with burglary and aggravated battery and were booked into the Land O’ Lakes Detention Center. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Gary Re: Adding picture to emails Dear Webby, I would like to know if there is an easy way to add an image to all my outgoing emails..please help.. thank you in advance... GARY Dear Gary I have no idea if that can be done with your hotmail. With Eudora it's easy. There we had it since about 1990. There you just put the picture into the signature or the stationery. Set it so that your signature footer does not show while you compose or reply. It will add it automatically on it's way out. By now, most email programs have adopted that feature nowadays. Just look for Signature. Have FUN! DearWebby

Ralph arrived at his Internal Revenue Service audit accompanied by his attorney. Going over his records, the IRS official said, "Well, sir, it appears that you live at a much higher level than your reported employment income. How do you explain that? Before the attorney could speak, Ralph replied, "I love to gamble and I usually win." The skeptical official gave him a disbelieving look. "I can prove it," said Ralph. "How about a demonstration?" The official thought a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead." Ralph said, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye." The auditor thought a moment and said, "No way! It's a bet!" Ralph removed his glass eye and bit it. The official's jaw dropped. Ralph said, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye." The official could tell Ralph wasn't blind, so he took the bet. Ralph then removed his dentures and bit his good eye. The stunned official was now three grand in the hole! "Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asked. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on your desk and use that wastebasket by the door over there as a urinal, and never get a drop anywhere in between." The auditor, twice burned, was cautious now, but there's no way this guy could manage that stunt, so he agreed again! Ralph climbed up on the auditor's desk, missed the wastebasket completely, and pretty much soaked the desk. The official grinned. He had just turned a huge loss into a huge win! But then he noticed that Ralph's attorney looked ashen and was visibly shaking. "Are you okay?" he asked. The lawyer replied, "Not really. Before we arrived, Ralph bet me twenty thousand dollars he'd mess on your desk and you'd be happy about it!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Oatmeal Muffins By Holly805 Total Time: 45 minutes Yield: about 2 dozen Source: Better Homes and Gardens New Cookbook (1968) Ingredients: 2 cups quick-cooking rolled oats 2 cups milk 2 cups all-purpose flour 2/3 cup sugar 6 tsp baking powder 1 tsp salt 1 tsp cinnamon 2 eggs 1/2 cup canola oil Steps: Combine quick oats and milk in a medium size bowl. Let soak 15 minutes. While the oats are soaking, combine the dry ingredients in a separate bowl. Set aside. In a small bowl, beat the eggs until combined. Add the oil to the eggs and beat until light. Combine the egg mixture with the oats and milk. Make a "well" in the flour mixture and gradually pour in the wet ingredients. Mix gently, making sure all the flour from the bottom of the bowl is combined with the liquid. Pour into prepared muffin pans, each cup 3/4 full, and bake 18-20 minutes at 425 F. If you end up with spare batter, estimate how many muffin cups you will need to prepare. Fill the remaining cups halfway with water to prevent scorching and bake as normal. Enjoy! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com If you don`t like flour, you can fake it by adding a couple of mashed bananas, or left over pumpkin pie filling, or shredded apple or whatever you got handy. Adding an extra egg does not hurt either. Instead of the ridiculous amount of sugar, you can add raisins, dried currants, or if you want them sweet for kids, shaved dried dates. The hard blocks of dried dates are very efficient sweeteners. Use sparingly! Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
30 cows in a field and 28 chickens, how many didn't?
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Earl for this story: It was the middle of one of the coldest nights of the winter and Ole and Lena were on their way home on a slippery road. Just as they came around a corner, Lena yelled to Ole to look out. Ole swerved and hit the brakes and came to a sliding stop. "What's the matter Lena", Ole said. "There was a mother skunk and 2 little baby skunks in the road. I'm afraid that you may have killed the mother skunk. We have to go back and look." Ole reluctantly backs the car up and sure enough, there lays the mother skunk in the middle of the road dead and the two baby skunks are by the side of the road. Lena says, "Ole we have to take the babies or they're going to freeze to death." Ole argues against it, but eventually gives in to Lena and Lena goes out and picks up the baby skunks. After returning to the car they start on their way home again. Well, the heater in the car isn't very good and Lena tells Ole that they have to do something to keep the babies warm or they'll freeze to death. Ole finally tells Lena, "Just put them up under your skirt and that will keep them warm". Lena replies, "But Ole, what about the smell?" Ole replies, "Don't worry about it, they'll get used to it". __________________________________________________
Lovers eye jewelry.
___________________________________________________ A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church in Dublin, enters a confessional booth, sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A survey on sexual habits was being carried out by a popular newspaper and one questioner stopped an elderly Irish gent in the street and asked him how often he had sexual intercourse. "Oh, about half a dozen times a year", said the gentleman. The questioner smiled. "I thought you Irish were supposed to be sexy!" she said. "We are," said the gentleman. "But, I don't think half a dozen times a year is so bad for a seventy-two year old priest with no car in a small parish." ____________________________________________________

Today, Sept 23, in 
1642 The first commencement at Harvard College, in
Cambridge, MA, was held. 

1779 John Paul Jones, commander of the American warship Bon
Homme, was quoted as saying "I have not yet begun to fight!"


1780 John Andre, a British spy, was captured with papers
revealing that Benedict Arnold was going to surrender West
Point, NY, to the British. 

1806 The Corps of Discovery, the Lewis and Clark expedition,
reached St. Louis, MO, and ended the trip to the Pacific
Northwest. 

1845 The Knickerbocker Base Ball Club of New York was formed
by Alexander Joy Cartwright. It was the first baseball team
in America. 

1846 Astronomer Johann Gottfried Galle discovered the planet
Neptune. 

1912 "Keystone Comedy" by Mack Sennett was released. 

1930 Flashbulbs were patented by Johannes Ostermeier. 

1951 The first transcontinental telecast was received on the
west coast. The show "Crusade for Freedom" was broadcast by
CBS-TV from New York. 

1952 The first Pay Television sporting event took place. The
Marciano-Walcott fight was seen in 49 theaters in 31
cities.


1957 Nine black students withdrew from Little Rock Central
High School in Arkansas due to the white mob outside. 

1962 "The Jetsons" premiered on ABC-TV. It was the first
program on the network to be carried in color. 

1964 The new ceiling painting of the Paris Opera house was
unveiled. The work was done by Russian-born artist Marc
Chagall. 

1973 Overthrown Argentine president Juan Peron was returned
to power. He had been overthrown in 1955. His wife, Eva
Duarte, was the subject of the musical "Evita." 

1981 The Reagan administration announced its plans for what
became known as Radio Marti. 

1986 Japanese newspapers quoted Prime Minister Yasuhiro
Nakasone as saying that minorities lowered the "intelligence
level" of America. 

1990 Iraq publicly threatened to destroy Middle East oil
fields and to attack Israel if any nation tried to force it
from Kuwait. 

1991 U.N. weapons inspectors find documents detailing Iraq's
secret nuclear weapons program. The find in Baghdad
triggered a standoff with authorities in Iraq. 

1993 The Israeli parliament ratified the Israel-PLO accord. 

1993 Blacks were allowed a role in the South African
government after a parliamentary vote. 

1999 A 17-month-old girl fell 230 feet from the Capilano
Suspension Bridge in North Vancouver, British Columbia. The
girl had bruises but no broken limbs from the fall onto a
rocky ledge. 

2017  smiled.


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Clipping hard to copy pictures 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, September 22
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Summer is over. Happy Fall (season)!
We had cold rain today, and snow on the West side of the
valley. No Gullible Warming here, I guess not enough people
here believe in it.

Hopefully the hurricanes in the South will settle down soon!
I am glad all subscribers are OK, and hope all good people
are safe.


Walked to my doctor today for the annual prescription update
and diet consultation. He asked what kind of oil I use.
5-40, all season. 
He didn`t like that. For frying! 
I use butter. 
For salad!
Apple cider vinegar and a drop of coconut oil.
He had a fit about that. Apparently coconut oil is only good
for yuppies in Mexifornia, but for everybody else, it has
gone out of fashion and is bad.
Olive oil is in fashion again.
Ok, Ok. I still got some in the back of the cupboard from
when it was in fashion last time.

And so it went through everything I eat.
Actually, because I am trying to beat Diabetes with diet, I
dont really eat that much anyway.

Eventually we got to the gout in my right hand little
finger. I told him that the prescribed pills didn`t do any
good, but that many subscribers recommended Alpurinol, and
that Sven recommended Super strength cherry concentrate
capsules. 
The health food stores in the nearest town charge $19 - $39
for 90 capsules (one month). So I googled.
https://www.canadianvitaminshop.com/ has them for $11.98.
Click, click, done.

Next day the capsules were here.
3 days later the white spots looking like blisters, but are
actually uric acid crystal deposits, started disappearing
and the swelling is going down.
Thank you Sven!

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Wanted Pasco man arrested after 
brandishing toy gun
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 22 in
1792 The French Republic was proclaimed.
The monarchy in England got very worried.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories. --- Arthur C. Clarke (1917 - ) If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion. --- George Bernard Shaw ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Noella Mom's Brownie Recipe Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat to 375. Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan. Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Junior, "no, no." Add margarine to 2 cups sugar. Take shortening can away from Junior and clean cupboards. Measure 1/3 cup cocoa. Take shortening can away from Junior again and bathe cat. Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's body. Assemble 4 eggs, 2 teaspoons vanilla and 1 1/2 cups sifted flour. Take smouldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation. Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill. Measure 1 teaspoon salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well. Let cat out of refrigerator. Pour mixture into well-greased 9 x 13-inch pan. Bake 25 minutes. Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn. Throw cat outside while there's still time and he's still able to run away. Frosting Mix the following in the saucepan: 1 cup sugar, 1 ounce unsweetened chocolate, 1/2 cup margarine. Take teddy bear out of the broiler and throw it away -- far away. Answer the door and meekly explain to nice policeman that you didn't know Junior had slipped out of the house and was heading for the street. Put Junior in playpen. Explain to neighbor that the burning teddybear, that had set her dry rose bushes on fire, must have fallen from an airplane. Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring constantly for 2 minutes. Answer door and apologize to other neighbor for Billy having stuck a garden hose in man's front door mail slot. Promise to pay for ruined carpet. Tie Billy to clothesline. Remove burned brownies from oven. _____________________________________________________ A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it," the priest replied. The rabbi considered this a moment, then went back inside the synagogue. He reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw, walked over to the back of the car and cut off two inches of the exhaust pipe. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ "After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'" --- Ronnie Shakes ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Stanley Johnson, 58, Lacoochee, Florida Wanted Pasco man arrested after brandishing toy gun A 58-year-old Lacoochee man wanted on drug charges was arrested after brandishing what turned out to be a toy gun. The Pasco County Sheriff’s Office received a 911 call in reference to a man seen outside a home located at 21153 Market Street with what appeared to be an AK 47. Responding officers located Stanley Johnson Sr. and realized he was carrying a toy gun. Deputies discovered Johnson was wanted on charges of possession of methamphetamine and possession of paraphernalia. He was taken into custody and charged with contempt of court/arrest order. He also faces charges for resisting an officer with violence (no, minor injuries), domestic battery, felon in possession of a firearm/weapon/ammo, unlawful possession of a concealed handcuff key, according to a charge report. He’s being held at the Land O’ Lakes Jail on a $40,000 bond. His toy gun was confiscated. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Kitty Re: Saving pictures Dear Webby, i tried the print screen and nothing hapend.the ctrl and v did nothing. what is PSP?...i guess i'm just not as smart as i thought. thanks anyway. have a good one. . kitty Dear Kitty PSP (PaintShopPro) is just a popular graphics program. Any other graphics program will work the same. When you look at the page, from where you want to save a picture, that can not be saved the easy way, hit the Print Screen key. That puts a copy of what is on the screen into the clipboard. Now open your favorite paint or graphics program, open a new file and click in it to make sure it is active, then hit CTRL V or SHIFT INSERT. That pastes the entire screen view into that picture. Now use the cropping tool and cut away all the stuff around the picture, so that all that remains is the picture that you want to copy. Have FUN! DearWebby

From Marina: Last summer, my husband, Steve, took me camping for the first time. At every opportunity, he passed along outdoor- survival lore. One day we got lost hiking in the deep woods. Steve tried the usual tactics to determine direction - moss on the trees (there was no moss), direction of the sun (it was an overcast day). Just as I was beginning to panic, he spotted a small cabin off in the distance. Steve pulled out his binoculars, studied the cabin, turned and led us right back to our camp. "That was terrific," I said. "How did you do it?" "Simple," he replied. "In this part of the country all TV satellite dishes point south."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cheese Grater Tip You can make cleaning your cheese grater a snap by rubbing cooking oil on the grater before using it. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Could have been a love story
____________________________________________________ Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances. One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going, idiot! All that beer, and only such a small boat for a urinal !" __________________________________________________
How 7 long haired sisters made a fortune in the late 1800's.
___________________________________________________ Nature has many laws that hold fast and true. For example, a baby ape will always grow-up to be an ape; likewise, a baby baboon will become an adult baboon. A baby pig will mature into a full grown pig. A baby jackass will always become a jackass. Yet oddly enough, women say a young man may grow-up to be any one of these.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Katie, an honest seven year old girl, admitted calmly to her parents that Freddie had kissed her after class. "How did that happen?" gasped her mother. "It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady, "but Mary and her sisters helped me catch him and hold him down." ____________________________________________________

Today, Sept 22, in 
1792 The French Republic was proclaimed. 

1862 U.S. President Lincoln issued the preliminary
Emancipation Proclamation. It stated that all slaves held
within rebel states would be free as of January 1, 1863. 

1903 Italo Marchiony was granted a patent for the ice cream
cone. 

1914 Three British cruisers were sunk by one German
submarine in the North Sea. 1,400 British sailors were
killed. This event alerted the British to the effectiveness
of the submarine. 

1927 In Chicago, IL, Gene Tunney successfully defended his
heavyweight boxing title against Jack Dempsey in the famous
"long-count" fight. 

1949 The Soviet Union exploded its first atomic bomb
successfully. 

1955 Commercial television began in Great Britain. The rules
said that only six minutes of ads were allowed each hour
and
there was no Sunday morning TV permitted. 

1961 U.S. President John F. Kennedy signed a congressional
act that established the Peace Corps. 

1964 "The Man From U.N.C.L.E." debuted on NBC-TV. 

1966 The U.S. lunar probe Surveyor 2 crashed into the moon. 

1980 A border conflict between Iran and Iraq developed into
a full-scale war. 

1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan addressed the U.N. General
Assembly and voiced a new hope for arms control. He also
criticized the Soviet Union for arresting U.S. journalist
Nicholas Daniloff. 

1988 Canada's government apologized for the internment of
Japanese-Canadian's during World War II. They also promised
compensation. 

1990 Saudi Arabia expelled most of the Yememin and Jordanian
envoys in Riyadh. The Saudi accusations were unspecific. 

1991 An article in the London newspaper "The Mail" revealed
that John Cairncross admitted to being the "fifth man" in
the Soviet Union's British spy ring. 

1992 The U.N. General Assembly expelled Yugoslavia for its
role in the war between Bosnia and Herzegovina. 

1994 The U.S. upgraded its military control in Haiti. 

1998 The U.S. and Russia signed two agreements. One was to
privatize Russia's nuclear program and the other was to stop
plutonium stockpiles and nuclear scientists from leaving
the
country. 

1998 U.S. President Clinton addressed the United Nations and
told world leaders to "end all nuclear tests for all time".
He then sent the long-delayed global test-ban treaty to the
U.S. Senate. 

2017  smiled.


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Large and small HTML tags 





Good Morning, ,
Today is `Thursday, September 21

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida couple arrested for stealing 
downed power lines
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 21 in
1792 The French National Convention voted to abolish the
monarchy. That really annoyed and worried England.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge. --- Scott Adams (1957 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man is struck by a bus on a busy New York City street. He lies on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. "A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd, but there's no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind. "A priest, please," the injured man says again. Then out of the crowd steps a wrinkled and wizened Jewish man of advanced years. "Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic. But for 50 years now I've lived behind St. Mary's Catholic Church on Third Avenue, and every night I've listened to the Catholic rites. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man." The policeman agrees and brings the old man over to where the man lies. The old man kneels down on the sidewalk, leans over the injured victim and intones in a solemn sing-song voice: "Under the B - 4. Under the I - 19. Under the N - 38. Under the G - 54. Under the O - 72. Bingo!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Back in the days when Roman galleys plied the Mediterranean, a crew of oarsmen was sweating and straining to propel the ship through high seas when the first mate appeared. "I've got good news and bad news," he says. "The good news is we've spotted an island, so the plan is to stop, drink rum, hunt a couple of wild boars, have a feast and relax with the native girls." The sailors all cheer in happiness, all but one, who asks, "And what is the bad news?" "Well," the first mate replies, "tomorrow, the captain wants to go water skiing." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Andrea Foster, 45, Charles Mahoy, 41, Altamonte Springs, Florida Florida couple arrested for stealing downed power lines A Florida man and woman were arrested for stealing downed power lines after Hurricane Irma, according to officials. Deputies were called to an Altamonte Springs neighborhood Sept. 16 after a neighbor said two people were cutting downed power lines on his property. Deputies said the power lines were down after a pole snapped in half during Hurricane Irma. The power was out and the neighborhood was dark, deputies said. Deputies found $5,000 worth of power lines cut up in the back of a truck. They questioned Charles Mahoy, 41, and Andrea Foster, 45, and found methamphetamine and marijuana in the truck, deputies said. Mahoy and Foster were arrested on suspicion of larceny during a state of emergency, criminal mischief and drug possession. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Robert Re: Large and small HTML tags Dear Webby, As I was snooping in the source code of your pages to try and learn some tricks, I noticed that you start tags with capital letters and close them with small letters. For example, you start a bold section with <.B> and end it with <./b> Is that the secret for your pages loading so fast, even though you use a lot of color and graphics? Robert Dear Robert That trick does not affect the speed. A good server takes care of that. That trick is just an old habit from the good old days when web pages were writen by hand with a plain text editor, and chiseled onto stone tablets. With a plain text editor it can and does happen, that you are typing too fast, and miss a bracket, or forget to close a tag. Using Caps for opening and small letters for closing, makes it a bit easier to find mistakes. That's all. Have FUN! DearWebby

A guy is bragging to a friend about his new hearing aid. "Yeah, it's a beaut," he says. "Top of the line. Deluxe model. Cost me $4,000 bucks." "What kind is it?" his friend asks politely. "Twelve-thirty."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shelling Walnuts If you want to shell walnuts but keep the nut intact, soak the walnuts in saltwater over night before shelling them. Then gently crack the nuts. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
elderly couple can't figure how to take a picture
____________________________________________________ An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after an entire semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist." Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute. Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?" __________________________________________________
The teenage girl who could overpower grown men.
___________________________________________________ From Dean: This day holds a lot of meaning for me. It was on this day two years ago that I lost my wife and her mother. I'll never forget that game of cards.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ From June You really make my day sunnier. thank you. June ____________________________________________________

Today, Sept 21, in 
1792 The French National Convention voted to abolish the
monarchy. That really annoyed and worried England.

1784 "The Pennsylvania Packet and Daily Advertiser" was
published for the first time in Philadelphia. It was the
first daily paper in America. 

1893 Frank Duryea took what is believed to be the first
gasoline- powered automobile for a test drive. The
"horseless carriage" was designed by Frank and Charles
Duryea. 

1897 The New York Sun ran the "Yes, Virginia, there is a
Santa Claus" editorial. It was in response to a letter from
8-year-old Virginia O'Hanlon. 

1931 Britain went off the gold standard. 

1931 Japanese forces began occupying China's northeast
territory of Manchuria. 

1937 J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Hobbit" was first published. 

1948 Milton Berle debuted as the host of "The Texaco Star
Theater" on NBC-TV. The show later became "The Milton Berle
Show." Berle was the regular host until 1967. 

1949 Communist leaders proclaimed The People's Republic of
China. 

1957 "Perry Mason", the television series, made its debut on
CBS-TV. The show was on for 9 years. 

1961 Antonio Abertondo swam the English Channel (in both
directions) in 24 hours and 25 minutes. 

1964 Malta gained independence from Britain. 

1966 The Soviet probe Zond 5 returned to Earth. The
spacecraft completed the first unmanned round-trip flight to
the moon. 

1973 Henry Kissinger was confirmed by the U.S. Senate to
become 56th Secretary of State. He was the first naturalized
citizen to hold the office of Secretary of State. 

1981 The U.S. Senate confirmed Sandra Day O'Connor to be the
first female justice on the U.S. Supreme Court. 

1981 Belize gained full independence from Great Britain. 

1982 National Football League (NFL) players began a 57-day
strike. It was their first regular-season walkout. 

1982 Amin Gemayel was elected president of Lebanon. He was
the brother of Bashir Gemayel who was the president-elect
when he was assassinated. 

1984 General Motors and the United Auto Workers union
reached an agreement that would end the previous six days of
spot strikes. 

1985 North and South Korea opened their borders for their
family reunion program. 

1993 Russian President Boris N. Yeltsin announced that he
was ousting the Communist-dominated Congress. The action was
effectively seizing all state power. 

1996 The board of all-male Virginia Military Institute voted
to admit women. 

1996 John F. Kennedy Jr. married Carolyn Bessette in a
secret ceremony on Cumberland Island, GA. 

2017  smiled.


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Where is File Explorer? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, September 20

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Aspiring pastor arrested for murdering wife 
blames it on cough syrup
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 20 in
1519 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan left Spain to
find a route to the Spice Islands of Indonesia. Magellan was
killed during the trip, but one of his ships eventually made
the journey. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ There ought to be one day-- just one-- when there is open season on senators. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) Advertisements... contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper. --- Thomas Jefferson, January 12, 1819 ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman--already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet--who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. At the exit I asked him if his wife was meeting him. "I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Consider the theatergoer who gets to his seat only to find that he's far away from the stage. He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery play, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip." The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter. The usher looks at the quarter, frowns at him, then leans over and whispers, "The wife did it." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Matthew James Phelps, 28, Raleigh, North Carolina Aspiring pastor arrested for murdering wife blames it on cough syrup A man in Raleigh, North Carolina, said that after he awoke from a dream early Friday morning, he found his wife dead on the floor and, as he told a 911 dispatcher, I think I did it. I have blood all over me, and there's a bloody knife on the bed. And I think I did it, Matthew James Phelps, an aspiring pastor, told the dispatcher. I can't believe this. I can't believe this. Phelps, who jail records list as 28 years old, blamed his alleged black out on cough syrup he took earlier in the evening to help him sleep. I took more medicine that I should have, he said. I took Coricidin Cough and Cold ... because I know it can make you feel good. A lot of times I can't sleep at night. Officers came to the couple's house and found Lauren Ashley- Nicole Phelps, 29, wounded but alive. The woman, who taught Sunday school, was taken to an area hospital where she died, according to the Associated Press. Her husband of almost a year was taken to the Wake County Jail and charged with murder. He remains behind bars and will make his first appearance before a judge on Tuesday, according to court records. On the 911 call, the dispatcher asked Matthew Phelps if he thought his wife was beyond help from her wounds. He replied: I don't know. I'm too scared to get close to her. Phelps worked for a lawn service company and was a graduate of Clear Creek Baptist Bible College in Kentucky, where he studied mission and evangelism, according to the Raleigh News & Observer, which cited his Facebook page. Phelps may be blaming cough syrup for the alleged murder, but investigators will be looking for other reasons for the woman's death, according to former FBI agent Brad Garrett. The "this medicine made me do it" excuse is a common way for people in his position to respond, Garrett told the AP. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Dan Re: File Explorer Dear Webby, where do you find " windows file explorer"? dan Dear Dan Right-click on START select Open Windows EXPLORER Have FUN! DearWebby

A Canadian man is told that he's being transferred from Toronto to Chicago. "It'll mean a big raise and more benefits," he tells a co-worker, "but I'll quit before I'll move there." "Why?" his friend asks. "I've seen all those movies," the man says. "I'm just too afraid of all the gangsters and crime there." "You ought to reconsider," the other man says. "Chicago is a magnificent city with world class museums, good public transportation, nice neighborhoods -- everything a person could want." Then he says, "I worked in Chicago for almost 10 years, and in all that time I never ever had a problem with crime while I was working." "What did you do there?" the first man asks. "I was tail-gunner on a bread truck."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Softening Butter You can soften butter quickly but putting it in the microwave for 10 seconds. If the butter is frozen, you may have to repeat this, but be careful not to microwave it for too long, it will quickly become liquid. If you have hard butter that you want to add to a something you are cooking, simply use a cheese grater, the grated butter will quickly melt. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
If you're going 80 miles per hour, how long will it take you to go 80 miles?
____________________________________________________ A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids. "WOW," the social worker exclaims,"are they ALL YOURS???" "Yep they are all mine," the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit down Leroy." All the children rush to find seats. "Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names." "This one's my oldest - he is Leroy." "OK, and who's next?" "Well, this one he is Leroy, also." The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy! "All right," says the caseworker. "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Leroy?" Their Momma replied, "Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Leroy!' An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an' they all comes arunnin.' An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy." The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?" "Then I calls them by their last names." __________________________________________________
Worlds top 40 most unusual architecture.
___________________________________________________ Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A Kansas farm couple are sleeping early one morning when a tornado roars over their farmhouse. It lifts the roof off, picks up the bed the farmer and his wife are sleeping in and sets them down gently in the next county. The wife begins to cry. "Don't be scared, dear," her husband says. "We're not hurt." The woman continues to cry. "I'm not scared," she says between sobs. "I'm crying because I'm happy. This is the first time in 24 years we've been out together." ____________________________________________________

Today, Sept 20, in 
1519 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan left Spain to
find a route to the Spice Islands of Indonesia. Magellan was
killed during the trip, but one of his ships eventually made
the journey. 

1870 The Papal States came under the control of Italian
troops, leading to the unification of Italy. 

1884 The Equal Rights Party was formed in San Francisco, CA.


1946 WNBT-TV in New York became the first station to promote
a motion picture. Scenes from "The Jolson Story" were shown.


1962 James Meredith, a black student, was blocked from
enrolling at the University of Mississippi by Governor Ross
R. Barnett. Meredith was later admitted. 

1963 U.S. President John F. Kennedy proposed a joint U.S.-
Soviet expedition to the moon in a speech to the U.N.
General Assembly. 

1967 The ocean liner Queen Elizabeth 2 (QE2) was launched.
It went out of service on November 27, 2008. 

1977 The first of the "boat people" arrived in San Francisco
from Southeast Asia under a new U.S. resettlement program. 

1982 U.S. President Ronald Reagan announced that the U.S.,
France, and Italy were going to send peacekeeping troops
back to Beirut. 

1984 "The Cosby Show" premiered on NBC-TV. 

1989 F.W. de Klerk was sworn in as president of South
Africa. 

1991 U.N. weapons inspectors left for Iraq in a renewed
search for Iraqi weapons of mass destruction. 

1995 AT&T announced that it would be splitting into three
companies. The three companies were AT&T, Lucent
Technologies, and NCR Corp. 

1995 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to drop the
national speed limit. This allowed the states to decide
their own speed limits. 

2017  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, September 10

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man robbed gas station; caught after he ran out of gas
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 19 in
1982 Scott Fahlman became the first person to use :-) in an
online message. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Talk sense to a fool and h e calls you foolish. --- Euripides The sad truth is that excellence makes people nervous. --- Shana Alexander Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything. --- Herb Caen A committee can make a decision that is dumber than any of its members. --- David Coblitz ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ When the waitress brought the customer the soup du jour, the man was a bit dismayed and said, "Good heavens! What is this?" "Why, it's bean soup," she replied. The man said, "I don't care what it has been. "What is it now?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ "Old Jethro next door's a-makin' moonshine again." the wife told her husband. "How can you tell ?" he asked. "Did you smell it ?" "Nope. But a bunch of mice from his place came over here this morning and beat up our cats." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by Moe An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sean Harris, 33, Laporte, Indiana Man robbed gas station; caught after he ran out of gas While making his getaway, a man suspected in robbing a LaCrosse gas station got caught after he ran out of gas. He also was allegedly intoxicated, according to LaPorte County Sheriff's police. Sean Harris, 33, is being held in jail without bail. He was arraigned Friday in LaPorte Circuit Court on a felony robbery charge. Police allege that late Wednesday morning the South Bend area man implied to a store clerk at the BP gas station in Lacrosse that he had a gun. He fled the store southbound on U.S 421 with an undisclosed amount of food and beverage items along with cigarettes. No money was taken and no weapon was displayed, said LaPorte County Police chief deputy Ron Heeg. He said Harris was eastbound on Ind. 8 in Starke County when an Indiana State Police trooper, attempting to the locate the getaway vehicle, found it stopped along the two-lane highway. A Starke County sheriff's deputy came along and assisted with the arrest, police said. Heeg said the suspect ran out of fuel and allegedly had a blood alcohol level higher than the limit for legally operating a motor vehicle. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Wes Re: Sorting by size Dear Webby, I used to be able to look at a directory of all my files on Windows to see if there were any big files that I could delete, but am unable to locate a way to do that now. Any answers, oh wise one??? wes Dear Wes In the Windows File Explorer top is a rectangular icon with a few dots in it. Pull that one down and select DETAILS Now you see the column with file size. When you click on the header of that column, the files are sorted by size. Have FUN! DearWebby

A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role. "Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Spaghetti from Boiling Over Add a teaspoon of olive oil to your spaghetti water to prevent it from boiling over. Butter or another vegetable oil can be substituted for olive oil. A pat of butter also works well to prevent rice from boiling over. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com There is no need for long boiling! Save your money! Bring water, a titch of salt and a pat of butter to a boil, add the pasta slowly so as not to kill the boil, wait until you have a really rolling boil, cover it and turn the burner off. Cover the pot with a tea cozy or towel and let it sit until the pasta is tender, usually about 20 minutes. If the pasta is not served immediately, then before straining it through a colander, add half a cup of cold water and give it a quick stir. That way it does not glue to a lump, stays flexible and can be reheated when needed. DearWebby ____________________________________________________
If you're going 80 miles per hour, how long will it take you to go 80 miles?
____________________________________________________ Time to run this one again: JESUS AND SATAN ON THE COMPUTER Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally, God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test which will take two hours and I will judge who does the better job." So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job. But, ten minutes before the time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted computers. Satan started searching frantically screaming, "It's gone! It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!" Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all his files from the past 2 hours. Satan observed this and became even more irate. "Wait! He cheated! How did he do it?" God shrugged and said, "Jesus saves!" ---------------- The above is NOT a theological item, it's a pun intended to get you to hit CTRL S now and then. __________________________________________________
The last eccentrics of the English estate.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Darlene for this story: A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel, smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid eighties). The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ From Walt Just want to tell you that I really appreciate the effort you put into the Humor Letter. It is by far the best of all the newsletters I subscribe to. Walt ____________________________________________________

Today, Sept 19, in 

1356 The Battle of Poitiers was fought between England and
France. Edward "the Black Prince" captured France's King
John. 

1777 The Battle of Saratoga was won by American soldiers
during the Revolutionary War. 

1876 Melville R. Bissell patented the carpet sweeper. 

1893 In New Zealand, the Electoral Act 1893 was consented to
giving all women in New Zealand the right to vote. 

1955 Argentina President Juan Peron was ousted after a
revolt by the army and navy. 

1957 The U.S. conducted its first underground nuclear test.
The test took place in the Nevada desert. 

1959 Nikita Khruschev was not allowed to visit Disneyland
due to security reasons. Khrushchev reacted angrily. 

1960 Cuban leader Fidel Castro, in New York to visit the
United Nations, checked out of the Shelburne Hotel angrily
after a dispute with the management. 

1982 Scott Fahlman became the first person to use :-) in an
online message. 

1983 Lebanese army units defending Souk el-Gharb were
supported in their effort by two U.S. Navy ships off Beirut.

1984 China and Britain completed a draft agreement
transferring Hong Kong from British to Chinese rule by 1997.

1986 U.S. health officials announced that AZT, though an
experimental drug, would be made available to AIDS patients.

1988 Israel successfully launched the Horizon-I test
satellite. 

1990 Iraq began confiscating foreign assets of countries
that were imposing sanctions against the Iraqi government. 

1992 The U.N. Security Council recommended suspending
Yugoslavia due to its role in the Bosnian civil war. 

1994 U.S. troops entered Haiti peacefully to enforce the
return of exiled President Jean-Bertrand Aristide. 

1995 The commander of American forces in Japan and the U.S.
ambassador apologized for the rape of a schoolgirl committed
by three U.S. servicemen. 

1996 The government of Guatemala and leftist rebels signed a
peace treaty to end their long war. 

2002 In Ivory Coast, around 750 rebel soldiers attempted to
overthrow the government. U.S. troops landed on September
25th to help move foreigners, including Americans, to safer
areas. 

2003 It was reported that AOL Time Warner was going to drop
"AOL" from its name and be known as Time Warner Inc. The
company had announced its merger and name change on January
10, 2000. 

2017  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, September 18

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man scares 16-year-old driver 
on Shands Bridge
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 18 in
1759 The French formally surrendered Quebec to the British. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. --- Tom Robbins (1936 - ) I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ 'I'll have fish and chips twice,' said Murphy. 'Very well,' said the shopkeeper. 'The fish won't be long.' 'Then they'd better be fat,' said Murphy. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The Casey twins had stumbled across a dead horse. 'What shall we do with it?' asked Michael. 'Let's raffle it,' said Joseph. 'Ł2 a ticket, limited sale of 201 tickets.' 'But what happens when the winner finds out it's dead?' reasoned Michael. 'No problem, we'll give him his money back!' was the reply. ______________________________________________________ Superior Harbor South Breakwater Light, for sale at auction. Bid $500, and it will probably be yours. Electricity and phone is OK, but interior is rather quaint and will probably need some renovating. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by William Larry Bennett, 24, St. Augustine, Floriduh Florida man scares 16-year-old driver on Shands Bridge A St. Augustine man is in the St. Johns County Jail after he reportedly struck a newly-licensed driver's car multiple times on the Shands Bridge. William Larry Bennett, 24, tailgated three people riding in a 2010 Toyota Highlander because they were driving too slowly, deputies said. The driver was only 16 years old, the report said. Bennett's 2003 Dodge truck hit the victims three times, the report said, causing the teen driver to fear being pushed off the bridge. Bennett honked his horn, made hand gestures and yelled at the teen driver, the report said. A passing motorist saw the actions and tailed Bennett, but Bennett stopped his vehicle and confronted the witness before driving off in an erratic manner, the report said. Bennett is being held on three counts of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and leaving the scene of a crash. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rosemarie Re: Where do I find CrapCleaner Dear Webby, Where do I find CrapCleaner? Rosemarie Dear Rosemarie Look in the right side menu. If you are molesting a phone, you might have to scroll sideways to see the side menu. Crap Cleaner is just below MailWasher. Have FUN! DearWebby

As the funeral procession went by, the American tourist inquired of a Dublin policeman: 'Who died?' 'I'm not sure,' said the Bobby, 'but I think it's the feller in the back of the front car.'
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Opening Clams Never open clams with a paring knife or other sharp instrument. You can cut yourself badly. It's best to use a flat knife made for opening clams or some flat kitchen knifes may do the trick. Use a thick towel, glove or pot holder to protect the hand that is holding the clam. Hold the flat knife in your other hand, pull the shell opening towards knife until it penetrates between the shells, then stop. Simply rotate the knife to pry open the shell. Fresh clams open easier when they are cold. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
A bear goes shopping in downtown Anchorage
____________________________________________________ 'She's a horrible woman,' said Murphy about his mother-in-law. 'She makes her own yoghurt. She puts a pint of milk on the table and stares at it!' __________________________________________________
The history of passport photos.
___________________________________________________ A teacher caught a student in the hall during class time and said, "Jill, tell me, whose class you're cutting this time?" The young teen said, "Like, uh, see, okay, like it's like, I really don't like, think like, that's really important, y'know, like because I'm, y'know, like I don't get anything out of it." The teacher smiled and said, "It's your English class, isn't it?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ That reminds me, .... Did you know that there are more English speakers in China than in the USA, and that they do not have dumbed down and regionally and racially adjusted English tests for graduation exams in China? ____________________________________________________

Today, Sept 18, in 
1759 The French formally surrendered Quebec to the British. 

1769 It was reported, by the Boston Gazette, that the first
piano had been built in North America. The instrument was
named the spinet and was made by John Harris. 

1789 Alexander Hamilton negotiated and secured the first
loan for the United States. The Temporary Loan of 1789 was
repaid on June 8, 1790 at the sum of $19,608.81. 

1793 U.S. President George Washington laid the actual
cornerstone of the U.S. Capitol. 

1810 Chile declared its independence from Spain. 

1830 The "Tom Thumb", the first locomotive built in America,
raced a horse on a nine-mile course. The horse won when the
locomotive had some mechanical difficulties. 

1850 The Fugitive Slave Act was declared by the U.S.
Congress. The act allowed slave owners to claim slaves that
had escaped into other states. 

1891 Harriet Maxwell Converse became the first white woman
to ever be named chief of an Indian tribe. The tribe was the
Six Nations Tribe at Towanda Reservation in New York. 

1895 Daniel David Palmer gave the first chiropractic
adjustment. 

1927 Columbia Phonograph Broadcasting System made its debut
with its network broadcast over 16 radio stations. The name
was later changed to CBS. 

1940 "You Can't Go Home Again" by Thomas Wolfe was published
by Harper and Brothers. 

1946 Mound Metalcraft was founded in Mound, MN. On November
23, 1955, the company changed its name to Tonka Toys
Incorporated. 

1947 The United States Air Force was established as a
separate military branch by the National Security Act. 

1965 The first episode of "I Dream of Jeannie" was shown on
NBC-TV. The last show was televised on September 1, 1970. 

1984 The 39th session of the U.N. General Assembly was
opened with an appeal to the U.S. and Soviet Union to resume
arms negotiations. 

1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush said that he would send
warplanes to escort U.N. helicopters that were searching for
hidden Iraqi weapons if it became necessary. 

1994 Haiti's military leaders agreed to depart on October
15th. This action averted a U.S.-led invasion to force them
out of power. 

1997 Ted Turner, U.S. Media magnate, announced that over the
next ten years he would give $1 billion to the United
Nations. 

1998 The FDA approved a once-a-day easier-to-swallow
medication for AIDS patients.

2017  smiled.


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Crap Cleaner and Compression 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, September 17

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Arkansas Woman Used Government Funds 
To Buy Her Dog A Tuxedo, plus $200K 
of stuff for herself
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 17 in
1394 In France, Charles VI published an ordinance 
that expelled all Jews from France. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ So much of what we call management consists in making it difficult for people to work. --- Peter Drucker (1909 - 2005) "Work to become, not to acquire." --- Confucius It's a great satisfaction knowing that for a brief point in time you made a difference. --- Socratex Martyrdom is the only way a man can become famous without ability. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this handy dictionary: DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS: 40-ish..................................49 Adventurous.......................Slept with everyone Athletic...............................Flat Average looking...................Ugly Beautiful............................Pathological liar Contagious Smile................Does a lot of pills Emotionally Secure..............Medicated Feminist.............................Fat Free spirit...........................Junkie Friendship first..................Former slut Former model................Defintely former Fun...................................Annoying Generously built.............Pear shaped pinhead Just for conversation....Will cook breakfast next morning. Large frame.....................Hugely Fat New-Age.........................Body hair in the wrong places Old-fashioned....................No BJs Open-minded......................Desperate Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing Passionate........................Sloppy drunk Professional.....................Bitch Reformed.......................On probation Voluptuous.....................Very Fat Want s Soul mate..............Stalker WOMEN'S ENGLISH: 1. Yes = No 2. No = Yes 3. Maybe = No 4. We need = I want. 5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry 6. We need to talk = You're in trouble 7. Sure, go ahead = You better not 8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later 9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron! 10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? 11. I have a headache = You are not worth the effort 12. It's too early = I don't plan to stay awake much longer 13. I'm just not in the mood = Playing hard to get is more fun 14. I'm cold = You are not paying enough attention to me 15 I'm going to bed = You better be ready in 3 minutes 16 I'm going to sleep = You can stay on the puter all night MEN'S ENGLISH: 1. I am hungry = I am hungry 2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy 3. I am tired = I am tired 4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage! 5. I love you = Let's have sex now 6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex? 7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you 8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you 9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you 10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you 11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp. The quite smaller one turned to the quite bigger one and said, "I jes can't unnerstand hows you kin be so much bigger'n me. We're the same age, we was the same size as kids. I just don't get it." "Well," said the big 'gator, "What you been eatin', boy?" "Politicians - same as you," replied the small 'gator. "Hmmm. Well, where do y'all catch 'em?" "Down 'tother side of the old swamp near the parkin' lot by the capitol." "Same here. Hmmm. How do you catch 'em?" "Well, I crawls up under one of them Lexuses and wait fer one to unlock the car door. Then I jumps out, grab 'em on the leg, shake the crap out of 'em, and eat 'em!" "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. You ain't gettin' any real nourishment. Ya see, by the time you get done shakin' the crap out of a politician, there ain't nothin' left but a mouth and a briefcase." ______________________________________________________ Loutraki Lighthouse in Greece _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kristi Lyn Goss, 44, Hotsprings, Arkansas Arkansas Woman Used Government Funds To Buy Her Dog A Tuxedo, plus $200K of stuff for herself Kristi Lyn Goss may be guilty of fraud, but not of crimes against fashion. The 44-year-old Goss was previously employed as an administrative assistant to a judge in Garland County, Arkansas. That is, until authorities accused her of fraudulently charging $200,000 to a Garland County credit card. Goss used the card to purchase a diamond bracelet, tickets to Arkansas Razorbacks football games, sequined throw pillows and pet insurance, according to The Associated Press. Goss was set to stand trial Tuesday but opted to plead guilty at a pretrial hearing Monday to six felony counts of fraudulent use of the county’s credit card, according to the Hot Springs Sentinel Record. She will be sentenced on Nov. 22. Arkansas State Police started investigating Goss in July, after an auditor noticed discrepancies on a Garland County credit card in May. An audit found that Goss, an administrative assistant to Garland County Judge Rick Davis, had used the county credit card for years for personal purchases and to pay bills. She was fired by the judge after the audit, according to KATV.com. Goss is potentially facing between three and 20 years for each count. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Darlene Re: CrapCleaner Dear Webby, I downloaded Crap Cleaner from your sidebar and love it. I have a question though... Before when I did a Disk Cleanup (or whatever it was called) there would be a part where it compressed old files. Do I still need to run the Disk Cleanup to do this or does the Crap Cleaner automatically do this too? Thanks Darlene Dear Darlene CrapCleaner just cleans. It does not compress any files. Personally, I don't compress files unless it's an emergency and I am out of disk space. If you compress old files all the time, you have no emergency reserve. It's better to archive old and unused stuff off onto a CD now and then. Have FUN! DearWebby

One day, Doug was playing ball in the house, which was strictly against the rules, and he accidentally broke a vase in the living room. "Oh, no, my mom's gonna kill me!", he thought desperately. He frantically tried to fix it, any way he could. But tape, glue, even Superglue wouldn't hold all the shards together. He finally left the pieces in a pile on the table, and went to hide in his room. Soon, his mother came home, and he heard her calling him. "Doug, do you know who broke my vase? It's in here all in pieces!" Doug tried to drum up his courage, but at the last minute, he found himself answering, "No, Mom, I don't know." He cringed, waiting for her answer. "That's funny," she said, appearing at his door. "I wanted to thank whoever it was. I've never liked that ugly thing, and if it had not been a gift from your daddy's mom, I would have broken it myself years ago!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Congratulations Casserole By melissa [293 Posts, 429 Comments Why the silly name? I put this together with leftovers and pantry items for dinner. My 6 year old who loves cooking and recipes asked me if I followed a new recipe or I made this one up. When I told her it was my own, she quickly responded;"Congratulations, it's very good!" I just thought that was too cute.:) That being said, it passed the test with 4 kids. Not a single complaint, I have to admit it is really good, comfort food. The best part about it, I used leftover ground beef and potatoes that would have been tossed otherwise. I find it very helpful personally to keep some basic pantry staples on hand for those times when you want to whip up something quick. Total Time: About 10 minutes Yield: Around 8-10 Ingredients: 3 1/3 cup ground beef 1 envelope taco or burrito seasoning 3 15 oz. cans drained mixed vegetables 3 10.5 oz cans cream of mushroom soup 3 1/2 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese 4 1/4 cup mashed potatoes dash of basil My ground beef was originally prepared with an envelope of taco seasoning added. I would suggest adding this to yours as it gives it great flavor! I imagine this would also turn out quite tasty with leftover chicken if that is what you happen to have. Just use up those leftovers, it's like getting a free meal! :) *You could easily half this recipe for a smaller casserole* Steps: In a large mixing bowl, combine ground beef, taco or burrito seasoning, mixed vegetables and mushroom soups. Spread into a 13 by 9 inch casserole dish. Sprinkle with cheese. Spread potatoes over all, sprinkle with dried basil. It tastes good and makes it look nicer. Bake in a 350 degree F oven for 35 minutes. Remove from oven and enjoy! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Redneck windshield washer
____________________________________________________ When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session. "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning." "Of course," replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth . . ." __________________________________________________
The brave women librarians who rode miles on horseback to deliver books to the back country people in Kentucky during the 1930s and 1940s.
___________________________________________________ My friend's husband always teases her about her lack of in- terest in household chores. One day he came home with a gag gift, a refrigerator magnet that read: "Martha Stewart doesn't live here." The next day he came home to find the magnet holding up a slip of paper. The note read: "Neither does Bob Vila."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Why don't you give up the drinking, smoking and carousing?' said the do-gooder. 'It's too late,' replied Murphy. 'It's never too late,' assured the virtuous one. 'Well, there's no rush then,' smiled Murphy. ____________________________________________________

Today, Sept 17, in 
1394 In France, Charles VI published an ordinance that
expelled all Jews from France. 

1778 The United States signed its first treaty with a Native
American tribe, the Delaware Nation. 

1787 The Constitution of the United States of America was
signed by delegates at the Constitutional Convention. 

1796 U.S. President George Washington's Farewell Address was
read before the U.S. Congress. 

1862 The Battle of Antietam took place during the American
Civil War. More than 23,000 men were killed, wounded, or
missing. The Rebel advance was ended with heavy losses to
both armies. 

1872 Phillip W. Pratt patented a version of the sprinkler
system. 

1911 The first transcontinental airplane flight started. It
took C.P. Rogers 82 hours to fly from New York City to
Pasadena, CA. 

1930 Construction on Boulder Dam, later renamed Hoover Dam,
began in Black Canyon, near Las Vegas, NV. 

1932 Sir Malcolm Campbell set a speed record when he reached
276.27 mph over a half mile. 

1937 At Mount Rushmore, Abraham Lincoln's face was
dedicated. 

1939 The Soviet Union invaded Poland. Germany had invaded
Poland on September 1. 

1944 Operation "Market Garden" was launched by Allied
paratroopers during World War II. The landing point was
behind German lines in the Netherlands. 

1953 The Ochsner Foundation Hospital in New Orleans, LA,
successfully separated Siamese twins. Carolyn Anne and
Catherine Anne Mouton were connected at the waist when born.


1961 The Minnesota Vikings were debuted as the new National
Football League (NFL) team. 

1962 U.S. space officials announced the selection of Neil A.
Armstrong and eight others as new astronauts. 

1965 "Hogan's Heroes" debuted on CBS-TV. 

1966 "Mission Impossible" premiered on CBS-TV. 

1972 "M*A*S*H" premiered on CBS-TV. 

1976 NASA unveiled the space shuttle Enterprise in Palmdale,
CA. 

1983 Vanessa Williams, as Miss New York, became the first
black woman to be crowned Miss America. 

1984 9,706 immigrants became naturalized citizens when they
were sworn in by U.S. Vice-President George Bush in Miami,
FL. It was the largest group to become U.S. citizens. 

1984 Gordon P. Getty was named the richest person in the
U.S. His fortune was $4.1 billion. 

1984 Reggie Jackson hit his 500th career home run. It was
exactly 17 years from the day he hit his first major league
home run. 

1988 Lt. Gen. Prosper Avril declared himself president of
Haiti after President Henri Hamphy was ousted. 

1991 The United Nations General Assembly opened its 46th
session. The new members were Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania,
North and South Korea, Micronesia and the Marshall Islands. 

1992 Lawrence Walsh called a halt to his probe of the Iran-
Contra scandal. The investigation had lasted 5 1/2 years. 

1995 Hong Kong held its last legislative election before
being taken over by China in 1997. 

1997 Northern Ireland's main Protestant party joined in
peace talks. It was the first time that all of the major
players had come together. 

1998 The United States government offered a reward for the
capture of Haroun Fazil for his role in the U.S. bombing in
Kenya on August 7, 1998. 

1998 The U.S. announced a plan that would compensate victims
in the Kenya and Tanzania U.S. Embassy bombings on August 7,
1998. 

2014 The Dow Jones Industrial Average closed at an all time
high of 17,156. 

2017  smiled.


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Sort and weed out files 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, September 16

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:


 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 16 in
1400 Owain Glyndwr was proclaimed Prince of Wales after
rebelling against English rule. He was the last Welsh-born
Prince of Wales. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The grass is always greener once you don't have to mow a lawn anymore. --- Randy K. Milholland ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. "Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed, I called out, 'Is that you, Jim ?' And that cured him." "Cured him?" asked the woman, "but how ?" The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Marion for this story: Three men died and went to heaven. St. Peter met them at the pearly gates and told the men that they would would each receive a car to drive. The only draw back was that they did not get to pick out the car they wanted, it was determined on how well they behaved on earth. St. Peter asked the first guy if he had ever cheated on his wife and he said, "Yes, I'm afraid I did one time." St. Peter told him that he would get a mid-size car to drive in heaven since he had cheated on his wife. St. Peter asked the second guy if he had cheated on his wife. "Yes, I'm afraid that I did twice during the time we were married," replied the second man. St. Peter told him that he would receive a compact car to drive in heaven. The third man was asked the same question and he replied, "No I am happy to report that I was happily married and never cheated on my wife!" St. Peter congratulated him and gave him a luxury car to drive in heaven. One day the first two men saw the man in the luxury car crying at a stop light and asked him why he was crying. After all he had gotten a luxury car. He replied, "I just saw my wife go by, and she was on a skate board with the front wheels missing!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Victor Walter Apeler, 46 Blake Lee Waller, 42, Jacksonville, Florida Florida men caught hauling away stolen power pole atop Kia Perhaps the alleged thieves thought no one would believe that the massive item on top of their van was stolen. Needless to say, their plans to steal a 30-foot power pole didn't go as planned. The Jacksonville Sheriff's Office (JSO) in Florida arrested two men on Wednesday for trying to steal the essential item. Apparently, a resident helped spot the oddity and called the police. In the photo posted by JSO, it looks as if the men tried tying the pole to the top of their vehicle - not obvious at all. The Florida Times-Union reported that the pole apparently came from a bridge over the Intracoastal Waterway. In fact, an officer heading to the scene spotted the hole from which the large metal item was stolen. One of the men who had been placed under arrest said the pole was lying in the road and he was just trying to move it out of the way. However, he had no answer for police when they asked why he didn't just roll it to the side. The suspects have since been identified as 42-year-old Blake Lee Waller and 46-year-old Victor Walter Apeler. And further investigation may have revealed their true goal for the power pole. The newspaper reported that Apeler had completed 73 pawn transactions so far in the year - all but one of them dealing in scrap metal. The pole itself has an estimated value of $2,500. Both men now face charges of grand theft. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Daniel Re: Sort, delete files Dear Webby, is there a way to view files/folders and delete the one's you don't want? thanks, daniel Dear Daniel Right-click on START select EXPLORE Once you are in there, click on TOOLS FOLDER OPTIONS In TASKS, select Windows Classic Folders. Hit OK Click on FOLDERS to split the screen with folders on the left and files on the right. Now you can select the folders on the left, and whichever one you got highlighted, has it's files shown on the right. When you double-click a file on the right, it opens. Hitting delete on a highlighted file, deletes it. You can also drag files to any of the folders shown on the left. Have FUN! DearWebby

Going to the front desk of New York's exclusive Pierre Hotel, Mr. Mendelbaum requested some stationery. The clerk asked, "Are you a guest at the hotel?" Mr. Mendelbaum snapped indignantly, "No, I am not a guest. I am paying $300 a day!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Banana Peel for Headache To get rid of a headache, place half of a banana peel across your forehead/temples and the other half, press against the back of your neck. Lay back and relax and watch your headache disappear! By Sheri S. from Macomb, MI Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Redneck windshield washer
____________________________________________________ Minister, after listening to an impromptu campaign speech, "Before I vote for you for sheriff, I'd like to know if you partake of intoxicating beverages?" Candidate for sheriff, "Before I answer, tell me if this is an inquiry or an invitation." __________________________________________________
Got myself a chalkboard leg and went on a trip
___________________________________________________ PATIENT REPORTS The following quotes are reported to have been taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians... * By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better. * Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. * On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared. * The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983. * Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing. * I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor. * The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him. * Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful. * The patient refused an autopsy. * The patient has no past history of suicides. * The patient expired on the floor uneventfully. * Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital. * The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. * She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. * The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints. * The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed. * She is numb from her toes down. * The skin was moist and dry. * Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches. * Coming from Detroit, this man has no children. * Patient was alert and unresponsive. * When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ From Donna In my opinion you are one of God's angels. At 77 years of age, it's lovely to have a friend like you to visit each morning. Blessings on you. Donna ___________________________________________

Today, Sept 16, in 
1400 Owain Glyndwr was proclaimed Prince of Wales after
rebelling against English rule. He was the last Welsh-born
Prince of Wales. 

1620 The Mayflower departed from Plymouth, England. The ship
arrived at Provincetown, MA, on November 21st and then at
Plymouth, MA, on December 26th. There were 102 passengers
onboard. 

1630 The village of Shawmut changed its name to Boston. 

1782 The Great Seal of the United States was impressed on
document to negotiate a prisoner of war agreement with the
British. It was the first official use of the impression. 

1810 The Mexicans began a revolt against Spanish rule.
Miguel Hidalgo y Costilla, a Catholic priest of Spanish
descent, declared Mexico's independence from Spain in the
small town of Dolores. 

1893 The "Cherokee Strip" in Oklahoma was swarmed by
hundreds of thousands of settlers. 

1908 General Motors was founded by William Crapo "Billy"
Durant. The company was formed by merging the Buick and Olds
car companies. 

1940 U.S. President Roosevelt signed into law the Selective
Training and Service Act, which set up the first peacetime
military draft in U.S. history. 

1953 "The Robe" premiered at the Roxy Theater in New York.
It was the first movie filmed in the wide screen CinemaScope
process. 

1953 The St. Louis Browns of the American League were given
permission to move to Baltimore, MD, where they became the
Baltimore Orioles. 

1974 U.S. President Ford announced a conditional amnesty
program for draft-evaders and deserters during the Vietnam
War. 

1976 The Episcopal Church formally approved women to be
ordained as priests and bishops. 

1982 In west Beirut, the massacre of hundreds of Palestinian
men, women and children began in refugee camps of the
Lebanese Christian militiamen. 

1985 The Communist Party in China announced changes in
leadership that were designed to bring younger officials
into power. 

1987 The Montreal Protocol was signed by 24 countries in an
effort to save the Earth's ozone layer by reducing emissions
of harmful chemicals by the year 2000. 

1990 An eight-minute videotape of an address by U.S.
President George H.W. Bush was shown on Iraqi television.
The message warned that action of Saddam Hussein could
plunge them into a war "against the world." 

1994 Exxon Corporation was ordered by federal jury to pay $5
billion in punitive damages to the people harmed by the 1989
Exxon Valdez spill. 

1994 Two astronauts from the space shuttle Discovery went on
the first untethered spacewalk in 10 years. 

1998 Universal paid $9 million for the rights to the Dr.
Seuss classics "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and "Oh, the
Places You'll Go." 

2017  smiled.


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AVG causing problems 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, September 15
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Porsche Driver Shot Homeless Man in Nashville,
who had asked her to move her car.
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 15 in
1984 The Bausell Sailor's pot of gold was born
Happy Birthday!
1821 Costa Rica, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua and 
El Salvador proclaimed independence. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on. --- Beryl Pfizer We need not to be let alone. We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real? --- Ray Bradbury (1920 ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck. After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the Congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church. Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a gift from God," he said. Silence fell on the congregation. In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers." And the congregation said, "Amen." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Little Johnny's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Johnny seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls." The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father." ______________________________________________________ Ocean City, Maryland. Photographer unknown. Picture sent in by the Bausell Sailor _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Katie Quackenbush, 26, Nashville, Tennessee Porsche Driver Shot Homeless Man in Nashville, who had asked her to move her car. A wanna-be country singer from Texas has been charged with the attempted murder of a homeless Tennessee man who asked her to move her Porsche. Police say 26-year-old Katie Quackenbush shot Gerald Melton, 54, after he complained about loud music and exhaust fumes from the Porsche SUV where she was sitting with a friend while he was trying to sleep on a sidewalk near Nashville's Music Row around 3am on Aug. 26, the AP reports. Police say that after a loud argument, Quackenbush got out of her vehicle with a gun and shot Melton twice in the abdomen before leaving the scene hurriedly without calling authorities. Melton is still in a Nashville hospital with critical injuries. Quackenbush's father, an attorney in Amarillo, of course gives a totally different version of events. Jesse Quackenbush says after Melton screamed threats in the vehicle's window and walked away, his daughter grabbed her gun to escort her friend back to her vehicle. He says when Melton walked toward her again, she closed her eyes and fired two "warning shots" before leaving, unaware she had injured the man. "She didn't try and kill this guy," he says. "She had no intention of killing him. She didn't know that she hit him." WSMV reports that Quackenbush, who was released on $25,000 bond after being charged Monday night, was arrested for assault in Texas in 2013 and again in December last year. She was dark haired at that time. Quackenbush has a 5 year old son. Quackenbush has posted a screechy "song" on YouTube in 2015, but is not known for having actually sold any music. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Linda Re: AVG warning Dear Webby, Yesterday's advice about free AVG has to be taken with a big grain of salt! It too is a Broom Hilda! Unless it is the one and only anti virus program on the machine, it whines and accuses all others of being malware and even sabotages them! AVG Free can only be used, if it is the ONLY anti-virus program on the machine. Linda Dear Linda Yes, you are right. Only use AVG if you can not afford any of the anti malware programs, that are good enough to sell for actual money. Have FUN! DearWebby

The teacher told the kids to draw a grassy meadow and a cow eating the grass. By the end of the hour, all the kids had some more or less artistic rendering of that topic, except for . had a blank page. So the teacher asked, "Where is your grass?" answered: "The cow ate it all." Then the teacher asked: "Where is the cow?" answered: "When there was no grass left, the cow walked away.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Longer Lasting Paint Brushes When you buy a new paint brush, soak it in linseed oil for 12 hours before using it for the first time. This will extend the life of the paint brush and make it easier to clean. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Highly Illogical
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Ann for this story: My father is a skilled CPA who is not great at self- promotion. So when an advertising company offered to put my father's business placard in the shopping carts of a supermarket, my dad jumped at the chance. Fully a year went by before we got a call that could be traced to those placards. "Richard Larson, CPA?" the caller asked. "That's right," my father answered. "May I help you?" "Yes," the voice said. "One of your shopping carts is in my yard, and I want you to come and get it." __________________________________________________
Slip N Slide BASE Jumping (gulp!)
___________________________________________________ Moishe is being interrogated by the Russian Government: Govt. official: "If you had a yacht, what would you do with it?" Moishe: "Give it to Mother Russia." Govt. Official: "And if you had a palace, what would you do with it?" Moishe: "Give it to Mother Russia." Govt. Official: "And if you had a chicken, what would you do with it?" No reply. Government official asks the question again. And still no reply. Finally he shouts: "Moishe, why don't you reply?" Moishe: "Because I have a chicken."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ From Nora Thanks for the jokes!!! I love to laugh!!! Everything is better after you have a good laugh!!! You gotta find the humor in everything or life will suck the fun out of everything!!! Nora ___________________________________________

Today, Sept 15, in 
1776 British forces occupied New York City during the
American Revolution. 

1821 Costa Rica, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua and El
Salvador proclaimed independence. 

1853 Reverend Antoinette Brown Blackwell was ordained
becoming first female minister in the United States. 

1857 Timothy Alder earned a patent for the typesetting
machine. 

1858 The first mail service begins to the Pacific Coast of
the U.S. under government contract. Coaches from the
Butterfield Overland Mail Company took 12 days to make the
journey between Tipton, MO and San Francisco, CA. 

1909 Charles F. Kettering applied for a patent on his
ignition system. His company Delco (Dayton Engineering
Laboratories Company) later became a subsidiary of General
Motors. 

1916 During the Battle of the Somme, in France, tanks were
first used in warfare when the British rolled them onto the
battlefields. 

1917 Alexander Kerensky proclaimed Russia to be a republic. 

1923 Oklahoma was placed under martial law by Gov. John
Calloway Walton due to terrorist activity by the Ku Klux
Klan. After this declaration national newspapers began to
expose the Klan and its criminal activities. 

1928 Alexander Fleming discovered the antibiotic penicillin
in the mold Penicillium notatum. 

1935 The Nuremberg Laws were enacted by Nazi Germany. The
act stripped all German Jews of their civil rights and the
swastika was made the official symbol of Nazi Germany. 

1940 The German Luftwaffe suffered the loss of 185 planes in
the Battle of Britain. The change in tide forced Hitler to
abandon his plans for invading Britain. 

1949 "The Lone Ranger" premiered on ABC. Clayton Moore was
the Lone Ranger and Jay Silverheels was Tonto. 

1950 U.N. forces landed at Inchon, Korea in an attempt to
relieve South Korean forces and recapture Seoul. 

1953 The National Boxing Association adopted the 10-point
scoring system for all of its matches. 

1955 Betty Robbins became the first woman cantor. 

1959 Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev arrived in the U.S. to
begin a 13-day visit. 

1961 The U.S. resumed underground testing of nuclear
weapons. 

1965 "Lost in Space" premiered on CBS TV. 

1965 "Green Acres" premiered on CBS TV. 

1971 Greenpeace was founded. 

1978 Muhammad Ali defeated Leon Spinks to win his 3rd World
Heavyweight Boxing title. 

1983 The U.S. Senate joined the U.S. House of
Representatives in their condemning of the Soviet Union for
shooting down a Korean jet with 269 people onboard. 

1990 France announced that it would send an additional 4,000
soldiers to the Persian Gulf. They also expelled Iraqi
military attaches in Paris. 

1993 The FBI announced a new national campaign concerning
the crime of carjacking. 

1994 U.S. President Clinton told Haiti's military leaders
"Your time is up. Leave now or we will force you from
power." 

1995 The U.N. Fourth World Conference on Women was held in
Beijing. 

1997 The domain name "google.com" was registered. 

1998 Ayatollah Ali Khamenei ordered the Iranian military to
be on full alert and massed troops on its border with
Afghanistan. 

1998 It was announced that 5.9 million people read The Starr
Report on the Internet. 606,000 people read the White House
defense of U.S. President Clinton. 

1999 The United Nations approved the deployment of a
multinational peacekeeping force in East Timor. 

2003 In Independence, MO, the birthplace of Ginger Rogers
was designated a local landmark. The move by the
Independence City Council qualified the home for historic
preservation. 

2012 Legoland Malaysia opened in Nusajaya, Johor, Malaysia. 

2017  smiled.


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How bad is Reason Core Security? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, September 14

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Maryland man charged with burning pregnant woman
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 14 in
1812 Moscow was set on fire by Russians after 
Napoleon Bonaparte's troops invaded. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ One is tempted to define man as a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) All phone calls are obscene. --- Karen Elizabeth Gordon If only we'd stop trying to be happy, we could have a pretty good time. --- Edith Wharton ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Jack One of the young ladies at work had just gotten married the previous weekend and was telling everyone about the ceremony, I interruped her by saying: "One good thing about a Marriage License, If you don't like married life after two years, don't renew your license". I almost got killed Monday morning after her new husband and the new bride looked it up. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A man was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. The plane had a layover in Sacramento. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane would re-board in one hour. Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. Another man had noticed him as he walked by and could tell the gentleman was blind because his Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. He could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him, and calling him by name, said, "Keith, we're in Sacramento for an hour, would you like to get off and stretch your legs? " The blind man replied, "No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs." Picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines! True story....Have a great day and remember... Things aren't always as they appear. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Laquinn Phillips, 34, Southeast Washington, Maryland Maryland man charged with burning pregnant woman A 34-year-old man accused in Prince George’s County of setting a pregnant woman on fire has been identified, and police said the victim and her newborn child are both in critical condition at a hospital. Laquinn Phillips, 34, of Southeast Washington, has been charged with attempted first- and second-degree murder, arson, assault, and several additional related charges. Police said he had a relationship with the victim. He is being held in the District pending extradition to Maryland. The incident occurred about 11:45 a.m. Friday in the 1400 block of Elkwood Lane in Capitol Heights. Police and firefighters reported finding the female victim outside suffering from severe burns. She had fled an apartment seeking help. Police said officers in the District arrested Phillips outside his home in Southeast Washington after he agreed to surrender. he victim’s baby was delivered after she went to the hospital. Authorities said the woman suffered burns over a large part of her body. The man accused of lighting a pregnant woman on fire in Maryland had been in an ongoing dispute with her over keeping the baby, according to the woman’s father. The woman and her daughter, who was born seven weeks premature, are recuperating and expected to remain hospitalized for some time, said Arthur Grinage, who identified the woman as his daughter. The woman identified her ex-boyfriend as the person who burned her and told authorities that he indicated he would harm other members of her family, according to Prince George’s County police. Authorities tracked down the man the woman identified and arrested him outside his home, police said. Laquinn Phillips, 34, of Southeast Washington has been charged with attempted murder, arson, assault and other related charges. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Richi Re: Reason Core Security Dear Webby, i have a ? about Reason core security, the trial for that has expired and i really dont want to purchase it,is there a free one out there that does about the same thing or do i really need it? tyvm for all the help,sorry to bother you again Richi Dear Richi That program is a Broom Hilda! It accuses the real anti-malware programs of being malware, produces fake news about nonexistent threats, gives you a warm feeling when you crap your pants when real malware infects your machine, and is just generally bad news. Use the Revo UNinstaller to get rid of every last little bit of that. On a scale, where Malwarebytes gets 100, Reason Core Security gets -2. According to everything I read about it, Reason Core Security is worse than nothing at all. If your machine is not worth the cost of Malwarebytes, get free AVG. AVG is not as good as Malwarebytes, but at least it is not actively bad like that Reason Core Security. Have FUN! DearWebby

A priest was vested in his surplice and cassock ready to proceed at the beginning of the service. His surplice was very ornate, and he was swinging the incense pot which had smoke coming from it. Lance, new in town and just trying to make contacts, touched him on the shoulder and said, "Darling, I love your dress, but your purse is on fire!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Japanese Potato Salad By attosa [411 Posts, 2,147 Comments] Total Time: 1 hour Yield: 8 servings Link: Easy way to peel potatoes Ingredients: 2 lb golden potatoes 1/2 English cucumber, thinly sliced 1/2 carrot, peeled and thinly sliced 1/3 red onion, thinly sliced 2 green onions, white and light green parts only, sliced salt for boiling and seasoning pepper to taste 1/2 cup mayonnaise 1 Tbsp rice vinegar 2 tsp spicy mustard 1 Tbsp sugar Steps: To make potato peeling easier, cut a line around each potato, making sure not to cut deeper than the skin. Put the potatoes in a pot of cold, salted water so the water is covering the top of the potatoes. Bring to a simmer and cook until a fork poked into them goes in without resistance, about 15 minutes. Drain the potatoes in a colander. To blanch the carrots, drop in a pot of boiling water for about two minutes. Don't over boil, they should still have a slight crunch. Shock in a bowl of very cold water to stop the cooking process, then drain. Sprinkle cucumber slices lightly with sea salt, mix with your hands making sure the salt coats them evenly. Set aside for 10 minutes. After 10 minutes, rinse off cucumbers and gently squeeze with paper towels to get all of the moisture out. This is a very important step and will prevent soggy potato salad. To easily remove skins from potatoes, pinch each end and the skins will come right off. In a bowl, mix together the mayonnaise, mustard, vinegar, sugar, and 1/2 teaspoon of salt. Add peeled potatoes to dressing and gently smash, making sure you leave some small potato chunks. Add the carrots, cucumber, red onion and green onion. Mix well. Serve straight away as slightly warm or refrigerate for an hour and serve cold. Enjoy! Yes, I know, your version is different. This is Attosa's version. Try it, you might like it. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Man lifts 20-ton block by hand
____________________________________________________ A large dog walks into a butcher's shop with a purse in its mouth. He puts the purse down and sits in front of the meat case. "What is it, boy?" the butcher asks, joking around with his customers. "Want to buy some meat?" "Woof!" barks the dog. "Hmm," says the butcher. "What kind? Liver, bacon, steak--" "Woof!" interrupts the dog. "And how much steak? Half a kilo, one kilo--" "Woof!" says the dog. The amazed butcher wraps up the meat and finds the money in the dog's purse. As the dog leaves, the butcher decides to follow. The dog enters an apartment house, climbs to the third floor, and begins to scratch on the door. With that, the door swings open and an angry man starts shouting at the dog. "Stop!" yells the butcher. "What are you doing? That's the most clever animal I've ever seen!" "Clever?" counters the man. "This is the third time this month he's forgotten his keys!" ___________________________________________________
Lonely abandoned hotels in Japan.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: A drunk man, who smelled like beer, sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of booze was sticking out of his coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the man turned to the priest and asked. "Say,Father, what causes arthritis?" The priest replied, "My Son, it's caused by loose living; being with cheap, wicked women; too much alcohol; contempt for your fellow man; sleeping around with prostitutes; and lack of bathing." The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be darned," then returned to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ From Ellen Dear Webby, I sure do appreciate the work you do to give us the Humor Letter every day, and all the nice touches like comfortably sized columns and color changes to set different topics apart. Thanks for all you do Ellen ___________________________________________

Today, Sept 14, in 
1807 Former U.S. Vice President Aaron Burr was acquitted of
a misdemeanor charge. Two weeks earlier Burr had been found
innocent of treason. 

1812 Moscow was set on fire by Russians after Napoleon
Bonaparte's troops invaded. 

1814 Francis Scott Key wrote the "Star-Spangled Banner," a
poem originally known as "Defense of Fort McHenry," after
witnessing the British bombardment of Fort McHenry, MD,
during the War of 1812. The song became the official U.S.
national anthem on March 3, 1931. 

1847 U.S. forces took control of Mexico City under the
leadership of General Winfield Scott. 

1866 George K. Anderson patented the typewriter ribbon. 

1899 In New York City, Henry Bliss became the first
automobile fatality. 

1901 U.S. President William McKinley died of gunshot wounds
inflicted by an assassin. Vice President Theodore Roosevelt,
at age 42, succeeded him. 

1915 Carl G. Muench received a patent for Insulit, the first
sound-absorbing material to be used in buildings. 

1938 The VS-300 made its first flight. The craft was based
on the helicopter technology patented by Igor Sikorsky. 

1940 The Selective Service Act was passed by the U.S.
Congress providing the first peacetime draft in the United
States. 

1959 Luna II, a Soviet space probe, became the first man-
made object on the moon when it crashed there. 

1960 The Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries
(OPEC) was founded. The core members were Iran, Iraq,
Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, and Venezuela. 

1963 Mary Ann Fischer gave birth to America's first
surviving quintuplets. 

1972 "The Waltons" premiered on CBS-TV. 

1975 Pope Paul VI declared Mother Elizabeth Ann Bayley Seton
the first U.S.-born saint. 

1978 "Mork & Mindy" premiered on ABC-TV. 

1983 The U.S. House of Representatives voted 416-0 in a
resolution condemning the Soviet Union for the shooting down
of a Korean jet on September 1. 

1984 Joe Kittinger became the first person to fly a balloon
solo across the Atlantic Ocean. 

1987 Tony Magnuson cleared 9.5 feet above the top of the U-
ramp and set a new skateboard high jump record. 

1989 Joseph T. Wesbecker shot and killed eight people and
wounded twelve others at a printing plant in Louisville, KY.
Wesbecker, 47 years old, was on disability for mental
illness. He took his own life after the incident. 

1998 Israel announced that they had successfully tested its
Arrow-2 missile defense system. The system successfully
destroyed a simulated target. 

1999 Disney World closed down for the first time in its 28-
year history. The closure was due to Hurricane Floyd heading
for Florida. 

2001 Nintendo released the GameCube home video game console
in Japan. 

2001 The FBI released the names of the 19 suspected
hijackers that had taken part in the September 11 terror
attacks on the U.S. 

2009 Greyhound UK began operations as an hourly service
between London and Portsmouth or Southampton. 

2015 In Livingston, LA, and Hanford, WA, the Laser
Interferometer Gravitational-wave Observatory (LIGO)
detectors detected gravitational waves for the first time.
The news was reported on February 11, 2016. 

2017  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, September 13

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
3 Pennsylvania women arrested for strong-arm robbery
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 13 in
1759 The French were defeated by the British on the 
Plains of Abraham in the final French and Indian War. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people, they think it's their fault. --- Henry Kissinger (1923 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. "Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?" A girl raised her hand and asked, "To pull out all his savings before the inlaws get at them ?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ From Lorna: Government Office Rules 1) If it rings, put it on hold. 2) If it clanks, call the repairman. 3) If it whistles, ignore it. 4) If it's a friend, take a break. 5) If it's the boss, look busy. 6) If it talks, take notes. 7) If it's handwritten, type it. 8) If it's typed, copy it. 9) If it's copied, file it. 10) If it's Friday, forget it! ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jaijah White, 25, Stephanie Parise, 21, Queana Zemba,21, Harrisburg, Pennsylvania 3 Pennsylvania women arrested for strong-arm robbery One woman is accused of holding a victim by the hair while three others punched her in the face early Saturday in Harrisburg. Police said they were called to the 200 block of Locust Street at 12:59 a.m. Saturday by a woman who said four women attacked her and took her money. The victim had a swollen and bleeding eye. Three of the four have been charged with two counts of robbery and one of disorderly conduct: Stephanie Parise, 21, of the 500 block of Benyou Lane, New Cumberland; Jaijah Nichole White, 25, of the 200 block of North Harrisburg Street, Steelton; and Queana Zemba, 21, of the 6400 block of Terrace Court. Harrisburg. Police said witnesses told them Parise held the victim by her hair as White, Zemba, and an unknown female struck her repeatedly. White is also accused of taking the victim's wallet and removing her money. Zemba is in Dauphin County prison in lieu of $5,000 bail, while Parise and White posted $5,000 bail. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lee Re: Friends List Dear Webby, In reference to Doris not getting the humor letter, you suggested having her put humor@webby.com into her friends list or white list. I'm not too sharp on computer lingo, explain friends list and white list. Thanks Lee Dear Lee All spam control programs and most email programs have a list of authorized addresses. Some call it address book, some call it White-List, some call it Friends-List. When an address is in that list, then mail from that address is not checked with the regular junk-mail filters. Dedicated programs like MailWasher let you make very sophisticated filters quite easily using the built in filter maker, and even arrange the filters by seniority. Keep in mind, once a piece of mail has been judged good or bad, it won't be judged again by filters further down the list. Don't sort them alphabetically, but by their priority. For example, move a filter that judges all mail from your daughter as good, up to the top, and a filter, that judges all mail that has the name of a certain pill, way down. That way, even if she jokes about that pill, it will be OK, since her mail has already been judged as good. As long as you keep seniority or priority in mind, filters are really easy and predictable. Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to Ross for this story and picture: A sweet little old lady from Newfoundland had worked in and around her family dairy farm since she was old enough to walk, with endless hours of hard work and little compensation. When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in around the 1940's, she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best slogan. The producers wanted a rhyme beginning with "Carnation Milk is best of all....” She thought to herself, I know all about milk & dairy farms... I can do this! She sent in her entry & about a week later, a black limo drove up in front of her house. A man got out & said "Carnation LOVED your entry so much, we are here to award you $1000, even though we will not be able to use it." Her entry is here:
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Berry Lime Sorbet By Holly805 [13 Posts, 10 Comments] This sorbet is a sweet, slightly tart treat, that is perfect for the end of summer. It is non-fat and also has reduced sugar content. A honey syrup with whole fruit enhances the consistency and adds natural sweetness. No ice cream maker needed! Perfect for someone looking for a healthier alternative to store bought ice cream or sorbet. Prep Time: 20 min Total Time: Chill overnight Yield: 6-8 1/2 cup servings Source: Trial and error. :) Ingredients: 1/4 cup lime juice 1/3-1/2 cup honey 24 oz frozen mixed berries (1/2 of a 3 pound bag) 2 small frozen bananas, sliced 2 tsp lime zest 2-3 Tbsp almond milk (optional) Steps: Zest and juice 3 to 4 limes. Measure the honey and add with lime juice to a small saucepan over medium low heat. Bring to a low bubble and simmer for two minutes, whisking occasionally. This makes a simple syrup, the necessary element for a smooth texture. Set out the frozen fruit to soften while the syrup simmers. Cool the syrup slightly. Add 1/2 the berries and the banana slices to the blender (the bananas enhance the consistency and cannot be tasted in the finished sorbet). Pour in the steaming syrup over the fruit. The heat from the syrup will soften the fruit enough for blending. Add the lime zest and puree on high, mixing as needed. When the mixture is smooth, stir in the remaining berries. Puree, adding 2-3 Tbsp. almond milk if additional liquid is needed to blend the fruit. Pour the mixture into a freezer safe storage container and freeze for two hours. Next, transfer the partially frozen mixture to a bowl. Beat until the overall consistency is smooth. Freeze for another two hours and repeat this process. The mixture should be more thick, like soft served ice cream. This mimics the churning process of an ice cream maker, which prevents large ice crystals from forming and ruining the scoop-able consistency. Freeze the sorbet for an additional 3-4 hours or overnight. Prior to serving, set the sorbet out to soften for about three minutes. It should scoop easily into nice, compact servings. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
And you thought 6th grade band was boring
____________________________________________________ From Candy My engineer husband is meticulous but mild-mannered. While our new house was being built, he would leave notes for the workmen, politely calling their attention to mistakes or oversights. Two weeks before we were to move in, the floors still were not finished, the bathrooms not tiled, nor were necessary fixtures installed. I was sure that the work would never be completed in time. However, on moving day, we found that the house was ready to receive us. Curious as to how this miracle had been accomplished, I went and checked where my husband always left his notes for the workmen. Posted prominently on the living room wall was my husband's last note: "after September 10, all work will be supervised by my wife and 5 children." ___________________________________________________
An unusual hotel in a nature reserve.
___________________________________________________ A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?" The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf." "Well, in that case I'll just look the other way," said the nun. So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant, and she proceeded to the restroom. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?" "Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender. "Would you like a drink?" "But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun. "You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf on the statue is lifted up, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ From Donna Enjoy your newsletter everyday and always seem to get a chuckle. There you were today picking on us Southerners for calling all soft drinks a Coke...which by the way is almost always true. Made me think of an incident one year while on vacation in Hawaii. We stopped at a Burger King for a quick lunch and I ordered a mustard whopper and the guy behind the counter said "you must be from Texas". Seems Texans were the only ones who ordered them that way. Donna From Dennis Dear Webby I got a big kick out of the little addition you tacked on to the story about ordering sodas at the movies. I spent my college years in Tennessee and heard that conversation many times. In my area, you had to first ask for a cold drink (that's pronounced "cole drank"). If you didn't specify "coke", you were handed whatever brand of beer happened to be in the fridge (which would have the catch-all tag of "Bud"). Or, you could specify "coke" and then further qualify your choice. The other language barrier issue that most amused/irritated me had to do with hats. I'm from Upstate New York, so if someone mentioned a toboggan, I would think of a sled made of laminated wood, ten or twelve feet long with a curved-up end. In Tennessee, a toboggan is the hat you wear while riding a sled made of laminated wood, ten or twelve feet long with a curved-up end. Thanks for the chuckle on the walk own Memory Lane Dennis From Susan Webby, Thanks for doing a great job. I know it takes a lot of effort, and it's appreciated. -- Susan ___________________________________________

Today, Sept 13, in 
1759 The French were defeated by the British on the Plains
of Abraham in the final French and Indian War. 

1789 The United States Government took out its first loan. 

1847 U.S. forces took the hill Chapultepec during the
Mexican-American War. 

1862 During the American Civil War General Lee's Order No.
191 was found by federal soldiers in Maryland. 

1898 Hannibal Williston Goodwin patented celluloid
photographic film, which is used to make movies. 

1922 In El Azizia, Libya, the highest shade temperature was
recorded at 136.4 degrees Fahrenheit. 

1935 Aviator Howard Hughes, Jr., of Houston, set a new
airspeed record of 352 mph with his H-1 airplane (Winged
Bullet). 

1943 Chiang Kai-shek became the president of China. 

1959 The Soviet Union's Luna 2 became the first space probe
to reach the moon. It was launched the day before. 

1960 The U.S. Federal Communications Commission banned
payola. 

1971 In New York, National Guardsmen stormed the Attica
Correctional Facility and put an end to the four-day revolt.
A total of 43 people were killed in the final assault. A
committee was organized to investigate the riot on September
30, 1971. 

1971 The World Hockey Association was formed. 

1977 The first US made diesel automobiles were introduced by
General Motors. Europeans had them since the 50's because of
gasoline shortages.

1981 U.S. Secretary of State Alexander M. Haig said the U.S.
had physical evidence that Russia and its allies used
poisonous biological weapons in Laos, Cambodia and
Afghanistan. 

1988 Forecasters reported that Hurricane Gilbert's
barometric pressure measured 26.13. It was the strongest
hurricane ever recorded in the Western Hemisphere. 

1993 Israel and Palestine signed their first major
agreement. Palestine was granted limited self-government in
the Gaza Strip and in Jericho. 

1994 U.S. President Bill Clinton signed a $30 billion crime
bill into law. 

1998 The New York Times closed its Web site after hackers
added offensive material. 

2001 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell named Osama bin
Laden as the prime suspect in the terror attacks on the
United States on September 11, 2001. Limited commercial
flights resumed in the U.S. for the first time in two days. 
I remember that. I was supposed to fly to Tennessee on Sept
12. Got to fly on Sept 13. The pilot on the first flight ran
away. It took them over an hour to find a different one.
That caused me to miss the connecting flight from Toronto to
Nahsville. When I finally got to Nashville, the airport was
totally empty and echoing my steps. Scary! 
Didn't stop me, though. 

2017  smiled.


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Which antivirus program to choose 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, September 12

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
DAM STUPID stag-do Brit arrested after
swimming across Hoover dam reservoir near the dam 
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 12 in
1922 The Episcopal Church removed the word "Obey" from the
bride's section of wedding vows. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Humanity is acquiring all the right technology for all the wrong reasons. --- R. Buckminster Fuller (1895 - 1983) What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left. --- Oscar Levant ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked. "Because it's been laying outside, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?" "Uh", ... I was thinking quickly, "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy." "Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my heart. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Tina knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." "What is it, child?" "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am." The priest turned, took a good look at her, and said, "Tina, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Arron Hughes North Wales Britain DAM STUPID stag-do Brit arrested after swimming across Hoover dam reservoir near the dam Any idiot knows that swimming on the dam side of the floats, that catch drift wood, kayaks, air mattresses and capsized boats, is highly illegal and will likely get you shot at. Since September 11, 2001, they are VERY concerned about possible terrorist attacks, and they even built that fantastic Multi Billion dollar bridge to detour traffic away from the dam. Arron Hughes, while on a drinking tour with his friends, ignored the signs and got into the water on the dam side of the floats, and swam across the reservoir. Since the water is drawn via those cute towers, not via a hole in the bottom of the dam, there is no current near the dam. The idea is that silt and gravel will settle there and reinforce the dam. Eventually the water depth will be twelve to twenty feet, not 700, and a breach would not be catastrophic. As is, if that dam is breached, it would cause a hundred foot high killer tsunami for a hundred miles, and flooding all the way to the coast. So quite naturally, since 9/11/2001 they are VERY concerned about security at the dam. After this idiot took half an hour to swim across, while in the cross-hairs of a whole bunch of snipers, he promptly got arrested and hauled in for interrogation. They realized he was just a drunk tourist and fined him $330. I would imagine that next time he will obey the signs and swim upstream of the driftwood and kayak catcher floats like everybody else. Once he realizes that he was "designated target" for half an hour, and that if one of the snipers got an itchy finger, all of them would shoot, he will probably vow to never swim near a dam again. He was apparently 50 - 100 meters from the dam, which just barely saved him from getting perforated. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Richi Re: Which antivirus? Dear Webby, i have a ? about antivirus, i see that you reccommend mc affee , isnt maleware bytes good enough for the computer? whats the difference? tyvm for all the time and help Dear Richi Yes, if you have Malwarebytes, that is all you need. However, some people are hooked on McAfee or want to save a few dollars. Because McAfee is getting squeezed out by Malwarebytes, they are getting desperate and lowering their prices. Personally, I have used McAfee since the mid 80's, but last Christmas got totally fed up with their idiot Taliban support, after my machine died and I had to activate an old Windows 7 PRO machine. McAfee would not work on that, and their totally useless Taliban just pissed me off. The only usable advice I got from them was to try Malwarebytes. I did, and it was like a Chinook in winter! A week later I put ads for Malwarebytes onto my site. It is entirely up to you what you are going to use. However, you definitely don't need both. Just select one and get used to that one. Have FUN! DearWebby

The Test: Q: What do you put in a toaster? * * * * A: The answer is bread. If you said "toast," then give up now and go do something else before you hurt yourself. If you said "bread", go to the next question. *** Q: Say "silk" five times. Now, spell "silk." What do cows drink? * * * * A: Cows drink water. If you said "milk", please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over- stressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as "Children's World." If you said "water", then proceed to the next question. *** Q: If a red house is made with red bricks, a blue house is made with blue bricks, a pink house is made with pink bricks, a black house is made with black bricks, what is a greenhouse made with? * * * * A: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," what the heck are you still doing here reading these questions? If you said "glass", then go on to the next question. *** Q: Twenty years ago, a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany. Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing. Unfortunately, the engine fails before he has time and the plane crashes smack in the middle of "no-man's-land" between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors - East Germany or West Germany or in "no-man's-land?" * * * * A: You don't, of course, bury the survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated... If you said, "Don't bury the survivors" then proceed to the next question. *** Q: If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60th of a degree every minute, then how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour? * * * * A: One degree. If you said "360 degrees" or anything else other than "one degree", you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league. Turn your pencil in and exit the room. Everyone else proceed to the final question. *** Q: Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. Now, what was the name of the bus driver? * * * * A: Ask your mom what your name is!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Painting Tables and Chairs Put plastic lids under each leg to help catch drips when painting. It's also good to put newspaper down, but the plastic lids will keep paint from soaking through the newspaper and staining the floor when applying paint to the legs. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Twerk it LiNeMan
____________________________________________________ >From Kara I've always ordered beverages one simple way: "A Coke, please." Lately, though, this hasn't seemed to work. Waitresses now often respond, "I'm sorry, we don't have Coke. We have Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, Mr. Pibb." Tired of listening to the long list of soft drinks, I thought I'd make life easier. So one day I simply asked the snack bar clerk at a movie theater for a "dark, carbonated beverage." The young man behind the counter chuckled and asked, "Ma'am, would you like a cylindrical plastic sucking device with that?" I told him I would prefer a tubular one. It's easy in the South. There everything is a "Coke". You hear conversations like this: "... and a Coke." "Wha kine?" "7-Up" ___________________________________________________
Realistic pencil drawings.
___________________________________________________ A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did *I* get the ticket?" "Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man. "Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied. The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch *all* the fish?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this confession: One year my mom went to my sister's house for a traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store. When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the birds back in the oven. When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird. With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!" At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry. It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs! ____________________________________________________

Today, Sept 12, in 
1609 English explorer Henry Hudson sailed down what is now
known as the Hudson River. 

1814 During the War of 1812, the Battle of North Point was
fought in Maryland. 

1873 The first practical typewriter was sold to customers. 

1914 The first battle of Marne ended when the allied forces
stopped the German offensive in France. 

1916 Adelina and August Van Buren finished the first
successful transcontinental motorcycle tour to be attempted
by two women. They started in New York City on July 5, 1916.


1918 During World War I, At the Battle of St. Mihiel, U.S.
Army personnel operate tanks for the first time. The tanks
were French-built. 

1922 The Episcopal Church removed the word "Obey" from the
bride's section of wedding vows. 

1938 In a speech, Adolf Hitler demanded self-determination
for the Sudeten Germans in Czechoslovakia. 

1940 The Lascaux paintings were discovered in France. The
cave paintings were 17,000 years old and were some of the
best examples of art from the Paleolithic period. 

1943 During World War II, Benito Mussolini was taken by
German paratroopers from the Italian government that was
holding him. 

1944 U.S. Army troops entered Germany, near Trier, for the
first time during World War II. 

1953 U.S. Senator John F. Kennedy married Jacqueline Lee
Bouvier. 

1953 Nikita Krushchev was elected as the first secretary of
the Communist Party of the Soviet Union. 

1954 "Lassie" made its television debut on CBS. The last
show aired on September 12, 1971. 

1974 Violence occurred on the opening day of classes in
Boston, MA, due opposition to court-ordered school "busing."

1974 Emperor Haile Selassie was taken out of power by
Ethiopia's military after ruling for 58 years. 

1977 South African anti-apartheid activist Stephen Biko died
at the age of 30. The student leader died while in police
custody which triggered an international outcry. 

1983 Arnold Schwarzenegger became a U.S. citizen. He had
emigrated from Austria 14 years earlier. 

1991 The space shuttle Discovery took off on a mission to
deploy an observatory that was to study the Earth's ozone
layer. 

1992 Police in Peru captured Shining Path founder Abimael
Guzman. 

1992 Dr. Mae Carol Jemison became the first African-American
woman in space. She was the payload specialist aboard the
space shuttle Endeavor. Also onboard were Mission Specialist
N. Jan Davis and Air Force Lieutenant Colonel Mark C. Lee.
They were the first married couple to fly together in space.
And, Mamoru Mohri became the first Japanese person to fly
into space. 

2009 Steve Jobs announced that Apple's iTunes had 88% of the
legal U.S. music download market.

2017  smiled.


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Emailing Photoshop pictures 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, September 11
Remember 9/11 !

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Day care workers stop creep from running off 
with 2 tots. Cops tenderize and arrest him.
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 11 in
1609 Explorer Henry Hudson sailed into New York harbor and
discovered Manhattan Island and the Hudson River. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The best time to plant an oak tree was twenty-five years ago. The second best time is today. --- James Carville When you are young, you want to be the master of your fate and the captain of your soul. When you are older, you dream of being the master of your weight and the captain of your bowling team. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ From deep inside the automobile there came a dreadful curse, A man was trying to fold the map, The way is was at first. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Ellen for this one: One of my picture frames was broken, and I decided to try my hand at repairing it. A screw was missing in one corner, so I called the hardware store. "Do you carry screws for picture frames?" I asked. "What size do you need?" "I don't know, but it's rather small." The man sighed. "Ma'am, we have 'itsy-bitsy' size screws for a dollar and 49 cents in a package of 10, and we have 'teeny-weeny' size screws , also for a dollar and 49 cents in a package of 10. I can give you a special deal and sell you both packages for two dollars and fifty cents.'" ______________________________________________________ Note the female captain! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Calvin Davis, 47, Newark, Delaware Day care workers stop creep from running off with 2 tots. Cops tenderize and arrest him. Day care workers in Delaware stopped a man from walking off with two babies after the stranger shoved his way into the facility and grabbed the infants, state police said Friday. The man rang the front doorbell at Happy Kids Academy in Newark and pushed a worker to get into the facility, police spokesman Sgt. Richard Bratz said. The man went to the infant room, punched another worker in the face, and picked up two infants, putting one under each arm. When the man tried to leave with the babies, one of the workers stood in front of the door to stop him, police said. The other worker went behind the man and grabbed one baby. The first worker then caught the second baby as the child began slipping from the suspect’s arm. The suspect ran from the day care, punching a car in the parking lot, Bratz said. State and county police officers saw the man and ordered him to stop walking and show his hands, police said. The man refused to obey the officers’ orders, Bratz said, and one officer shot him with a Taser. The man continued to approach the officer, police said, and the officer tripped on a curb and fell backward. The officer again deployed the Taser, authorities said, but the man continued to approach the officer. The officer then hit Davis for a while with a baton, and was able to eventually take him into custody, Bratz said. Calvin Davis, 47, of Newark was taken to a hospital for evaluation. When he is released, Bratz said, Davis will be charged with kidnapping, assault and various other offenses. The mug shot seems to be from previous arrests. The injured officer was taken to a hospital. One of the two babies sustained a minor cut. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Chris Re: Mailing photoshop pictures Dear Webby, Good morning and I hope this finds you and yours well. My husband sent me a group of pictures from his laptop at work. It's in Adobe Photoshop files and I can't open the attachment. I get the box with the red X that says it was unable to open the program because 'qt-mt.dll' wasn't found and that I should reinstall it. I'm clueless at this point, can you tell me what that program is and how/where I go to install it. I have downloaded the photoshop, but still it isn't working. Thanks for the jokes, pictures, and teck help. Have a great and safe weekend! Chris Dear Chris Ask hubby to save the files as JPG and then send them again. Have FUN! DearWebby

>From James Le Petit Chef
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pickle Popsicles By SHARON [16 Posts, 34 Comments] These popsicles are made from pickle juice. My grandkids love them. Pour the pickle juice in Popsicle molds, and freeze. The kids love them, and even my pregnant niece loves them. Source: They sell them at my grandson's T-ball games. By branbrumom from Vian, OK ____________________________________________________
Puppet sings to Simon - You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman, starts at 1:25
____________________________________________________ From Obie Dear Webby I really enjoy your Daily Humor Letter, all the good jokes, without having so many four letter words to make a point. The Tech Support, Bonehead Awards are real nice too. I also enjoy the BONUS links a lot. You are doing GREAT. Thanks, Obie ___________________________________________________
You Never Know What You'll Find!
___________________________________________________ A very young couple had just gotten married and decided to spend their honeymoon in a large Manhattan hotel. Showing signs of nervousness the young man approached the check-in desk. "Good evening, sir," said the official behind the desk, favoring the young man with a perceptive wink. "Suite 16?" "Oh, no!" the young man responded quickly. "She's eighteen."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ From the Classified Ads: Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. Stock up and save. Limit: one. Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred. Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00 ____________________________________________________

Today, Sept 11, in 
1297 Scotsman William Wallace defeated the English forces of
Sir Hugh de Cressingham at the Battle of Stirling Bridge. 

1499 French forces took over Milan, Italy. 

1609 Explorer Henry Hudson sailed into New York harbor and
discovered Manhattan Island and the Hudson River. 

1695 Imperial troops under Eugene of Savoy defeated the
Turks at the Battle of Zenta. 

1709 An Anglo-Dutch-Austrian force defeated the French in
the Battle of Malplaquet. 

1714 Spanish and French troops broke into Barcelona and
ended Catalonia's sovereignty after 13 months of seige. 

1776 A Peace Conference was held between British General
Howe and three representatives of the Continental Congress
(Benjamin Franklin, John Adams and Edward Rutledge). The
conference failed and the American war for independence
continued for seven years. 

1777 American forces, under General George Washington, were
forced to retreat at the Battle of Brandywine Creek by
British forces under William Howe. The Stars and Stripes
(American flag) were carried for the first time in the
battle. 

1814 The U.S. fleet defeated a squadron of British ships in
the Battle of Lake Champlain, VT. 

1842 1,400 Mexican troops captured San Antonio, TX. The
Mexicans retreated with prisoners. 

1855 The siege of Sevastopol ended when French, British and
Piedmontese troops captured the main naval base of the
Russian Black fleet in the Crimean War. 

1875 "Professor Tidwissel's Burglar Alarm" was featured in
the New York Daily Graphic and became the first comic strip
to appear in a newspaper. 

1877 The first comic-character timepiece was patented by the
Waterbury Clock Company. 

1883 The mail chute was patented by James Cutler. The new
device was first used in the Elwood Building in Rochester,
NY. 

1897 A ten-week strike of coal workers in Pennsylvania, WV,
and Ohio came to an end. The workers won an eight-hour
workday, semi-monthly pay, and company stores were
abolished. 

1910 In Hollywood, the first commercially successful
electric bus line opened. 

1936 Boulder Dam in Nevada was dedicated by U.S. President
Franklin D. Roosevelt by turning on the dam's first
hydroelectric generator. The dam is now called Hoover Dam. 

1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt gave orders to
attack any German or Italian vessels found in U.S. defensive
waters. The U.S. had not officially entered World War II at
this time. 

1941 In Arlington, VA, the groundbreaking ceremony for the
Pentagon took place. 

1952 Dr. Charles Hufnagel successfully replaced a diseased
aorta valve with an artificial valve made of plastic. 

1959 The U.S. Congress passed a bill authorizing the
creation of food stamps. 

1965 The 1st Cavalry Division (Airmobile) arrived in South
Vietnam and was stationed at An Khe. 

1974 "Little House On The Prairie" made its television
debut. 

1977 The Atari 2600 was released. It was originally sold as
the Atari VCS. The system was discontinued on January 1,
1992. 

1985 A U.S. satellite passed through the tail of the
Giacobini-Zinner comet. It was the first on-the-spot
sampling of a comet.

1990 U.S. President Bush vowed "Saddam Hussein will fail"
while addressing Congress on the Persian Gulf crisis. In the
speech Bush spoke of an objective of a new world order
"freer from the threat of terror, stronger in the pursuit of
justice, and more secure in the quest for peace". 

1991 Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev announced that
thousands of troops would be drawn out of Cuba. 

1997 Scotland voted to create its own Parliament after 290
years of union with England. 

2001 In the U.S., four airliners were hijacked and were
intentionally crashed. Two airliners hit the World Trade
Center, which collapsed shortly after, in New York City, NY.
One airliner hit the Pentagon in Arlington, VA. Another
airliner crashed into a field in Pennsylvania. About 3,000
people were killed. 

2012 Terrorists attacked the U.S. consulate in Benghazi,
Libya. Five Americans were killed and ten others were
injured. 

2017  smiled.


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Gmail to POP 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, September 10

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Cleveland armed robber shot, killed 
by Taco Bell employees 
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 10 in
1919 Austria and the Allies signed the Treaty of St.-
Germain-en-Laye. Austria was forced to give up Poland,
Hungary, Czechoslovakia and Yugoslavia. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. --- Billy Crystal (1947 - ) The height of cleverness is to be able to conceal it. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The middle-aged married couple finally moved into the Condo of their dreams, but right next door to a very sexy model. The husband had taken to borrowing this or that from their neighbor and it seemed to the wife that it always took him way too long to return. One time the wife had had enough and actually pounded on the wall between the two apartments. There being no response she telephoned, only to get the answering machine. Finally she went to the model's door and just kept ringing the bell. When the model answered, the wife fumed, "I would like to know why it is my husband takes so long to get something over here." "Well sweetie," the model purred, "all these interruptions sure wouldn't be helping, if he was doing what you suspect him of doing. However, he's out on the balcony exchanging fishing lies with my dad." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, "Hey Tommy, wanna play house?" He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?" The girl replies, "I want you to communicate your feelings." "Communicate my feelings?" said a bewildered Tommy. "I have no idea what that means." The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award has been earned by De'Carlo Jackson, 24, Cleveland, Ohio Cleveland armed robber shot, killed by Taco Bell employees Three employees at a Cleveland Taco Bell shot and killed a suspect during an attempted robbery, according to police. Officers responded to the restaurant on W. 117th street at 2:45 a.m. Wednesday morning for a report of a robbery with shots fired. When police arrived, they found a suspect with multiple gunshot wounds. Officers administered first aid until EMS arrived. The suspect later died at MetroHealth Medical Center. The medical examiner later identified the suspect as 24-year-old Cleveland resident De'Carlo Jackson. Another man, believed to be Jackson's accomplice, had already taken off by the time officers arrived. Police say a preliminary investigation indicates that three Taco Bell employees, all armed, shot at the two suspects after they came into the restaurant wearing masks and ordered the employees to the ground at gunpoint. Since 2012, Jackson had been convicted three times for "attempted" drug trafficking (Selling to a narc). _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Robert Re: gmail to POP Dear Webby, I use gmail mainly to reserve my address for when I move and lose my current address. In the meantime, I want to be able to download the mail from gmail to my regular POP email program (Eudora). Can that be done? Robert Dear Robert I have had a lot of similar questions lately. Yes, sure it can be done. Just go into your gmail settings and set it to ALLOW POP and to forward to your regular POP email address. That's all there is to it, IF you have an ISP or domain based POP address. Takes about 5 seconds to do. For those who don't have an ISP or domain based POP address, go into the gmail settings, set it to ALLOW POP. Then go into Eudora or Thunderbird or whatever you use, and make a new email account. For the incoming POP server name use pop.gmail.com. For the outgoing SMTP server name use smtp.gmail.com For the user name and password use your gmail log in. After that, your email program will check your gmail as if it was a standard POP email account. Have FUN! DearWebby

>From Ed I was on vacation, playing the slot machines. It was my first time in a casino, and I wasn't sure how the machines operated. "Excuse me." I said to a casino employee. "How does this work?" The worker showed me how to insert a bill, hit the spin button, and operate the release handle. "And where does the money come out?" I asked. He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying, "Usually at the ATM machine over there."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Succulent Plants Make Wonderful Gifts By 15mhhm15 [242 Posts, 702 Comments] Did you know it is very easy to propagate succulents? If you have succulents in your yard, or at your family or friend's home, pull off some leaves, or a leaf with your finger or cut carefully and get the entire leaf than allow the leaves to dry for a few days! When the end (where you pulled the leaf/leaves) has hardened then it is ready to fill a small container with some soil and lay your leaf/leaves on top. Water slowly until you see roots from the leaves sprout. Once the leaves sprout (probably a few weeks) you could separate each leaf into its own container. Below are succulent cuttings from family and all I did was reuse an old dish and put soil to arrange all the succulents together. It looks beautiful and perfect to give as a gift or as a center piece in your home! Little maintenance (water wise) is required for these and it looks beautiful! Don't over-water them! Like cacti, they thrive on dedicated neglect. It is not extra water, that makes them grow, but deeper dirt and especially wind. Even if you can't see them move in the wind, it is the invisible, tiny movements when the wind massages them, that pump up nutrients for them. By the way, some succulents produce gorgeous flowers. Have FUN! DerWebby ____________________________________________________
Can you guess which is the alpha dog?
____________________________________________________ A young woman wasn't feeling well, and asked one her co-workers to recommend a physician. "I know a great one in the city, but he is very expensive. Five hundred dollars for the first visit, and one hundred dollars for each one after that." The woman went to the doctor's office and, trying to save a little money, cheerily announced. "I'm back!" Not fooled for a second, the doctor took her $100, quickly examined her and said, "Very good, just continue the treatment I prescribed on your last visit." ___________________________________________________
Strength and Beauty
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this confession: The computer in my high school classroom recently started acting up. After watching me struggle with it, one of my students took over. "Your hard drive crashed," he said. I called the computer services office and explained, "My computer is down. The hard drive crashed." "We can't just send people down on your say-so. How do you know that's the problem?" "A student told me," I answered. "We'll send someone over right away."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Life is like driving a car at night. You can only see as far as the headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way. ____________________________________________________

Today, Sept 10, in 
1608 John Smith was elected president of the Jamestown, VA
colony council. 

1813 The first defeat of British naval squadron occurred in
the Battle of Lake Erie during the War of 1812. The leader
of the U.S. fleet sent the famous message "We have met the
enemy, and they are ours" to U.S. General William Henry
Harrison. 

1845 King Willem II opened Amsterdam Stock exchange. 

1846 Elias Howe received a patent for his sewing machine. 

1862 Rabbi Jacob Frankel became the first Jewish Army
chaplain. 

1897 British police arrest George Smith for drunken driving.
It was the first DUI. 

1899 A second quake in seven days hit Yakutat Bay, AK. It
measured 8.6. 

1913 The Lincoln Highway opened. It was the first paved
coast-to-coast highway in the U.S. 

1919 New York City welcomed home 25,000 soldiers and General
John J. Pershing who had served in the First Division during
World War I. 

1919 Austria and the Allies signed the Treaty of St.-
Germain-en-Laye. Austria was forced to give up Poland,
Hungary, Czechoslovakia and Yugoslavia. 

1921 The Ayus Autobahn in Germany opened near Berlin. The
road is known for its nonexistent speed limit. 

1923 The Irish Free state joined the League of Nations. 

1926 Germany joined the League of Nations. 

1935 "Popeye" was heard on NBC radio for the first time. 

1939 Canada declared war on Germany. 

1940 In Britain, Buckingham Palace was hit by German bomb. 

1942 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt mandated gasoline
rationing as part of the U.S. wartime effort. 

1943 German forces began their occupation of Rome during
World War II. 

1948 Mildred "Axis Sally" Gillars was indicted for treason
in Washington, DC. Gillars was a Nazi radio propagandist
during World War II. She was convicted and spent 12 years in
prison. 

1951 Britain began an economic boycott of Iran. 

1953 Swanson began selling its first "TV dinner." 

1955 "Gunsmoke" premiered on CBS. 

1955 Bert Parks began a 25-year career as host of the "Miss
America Pageant" on NBC. 

1956 Great Britain performed a nuclear test at Maralinga,
Australia. 

1963 Twenty black students entered public schools in Alabama
at the end of a standoff between federal authorities and
Alabama governor George C. Wallace. 

1979 U.S. President Carter granted clemency to four Puerto
Rican nationalists who had been imprisoned for an attack on
the U.S. House of Representatives in 1954 and an attempted
assassination of U.S. President Truman in 1950. 

1981 Pablo Picasso's mural Guernica was received in the town
of Guernica. 

1989 Hungary gave permission to thousands of East German
refugees and visitors to immigrate to West Germany. 

1990 Iran agreed to resume full diplomatic ties with past
enemy Iraq. 

1990 Iraq's Saddam Hussein offered free (Kuwaiti) oil to
developing nations in an attempt to win their support during
the Gulf War Crisis. 

1992 In Minneapolis, MN, a federal jury struck down
professional football's limited free agency system. 

1998 U.S. President Clinton met with members of his Cabinet
to apologize, ask forgiveness and promise to improve as a
person in the wake of the scandal involving Monica Lewinsky.


1999 A bronze sculpture of a war horse just over 24 feet
high was dedicated in Milan, Italy. 

2002 Florida tested its new elections system. The test
resulted in polling stations opening late and problems
occurred with the touch screen voting machines. 

2002 The "September 11: Bearing Witness to History" exhibit
opened at the Smithsonian's National Museum of American
History. 

2002 Switzerland became the 190th member of the United
Nations. 

2017  smiled.


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Is Skype safe? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, September 9

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Texas woman slipped handcuffs, 
took police SUV on 100-MPH chase for 23 minutes

 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 9 in
490 B.C. The Battle of Marathon took place between the
invading Persian army and the Athenian Army. The marathon
race was derived from the events that occurred surrounding
this battle. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The courage to be is the courage to accept oneself, in spite of being unacceptable. --- Paul Tillich (1886 - 1965) A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds. --- Mark Twain ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two women friends had gone for a "girls night out". They both were very faithful,loving wives... however, they had gotten a bit over enthusiastic on Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in a cemetery. One had nothing to wipe with so she decided to take off her panties and use them. Her friend, however, was wearing expensive panties and didn't want to ruin them... luckily she had squatted next to a grave that had a fresh wreath with a ribbon on it...so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls completed their "business" they continued toward home. The following day, one of the women's husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed and hung over. He phoned the other husband, and said "These girls nights out have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst! My wife came home with no panties!"... "That's nothing!" said the other husband, "mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that read: "FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION... WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU"!!! _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Suffering from a bad case of the flu, the outraged patient bellowed, "Three weeks? The doctor can't see me for three weeks? I could well be dead by then!" Calmly the voice at the other end of the line replied, "If so, would you have your wife call to cancel the appointment?" --------------- Sounds familiar. I got a bad case of gout late last week: It is not due to my ascetic diabetic diet, but possibly due to the diabetes and the water pills. Yesterday I got to see my doctor. He told me to come back in 2 weeks. Today I found out that sometimes it goes away in 7 days. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Toscha Fay Sponsler, 33, Pollok, Texas Texas woman slipped handcuffs, took police SUV on 100-MPH chase Texas police published video Tuesday showing a shoplifting suspect slipping out of her handcuffs, stealing a police SUV and leading officers on a breathtaking high-speed chase. The woman, identified as Toscha Fay Sponsler, 33, of Pollok, Texas, ran away from Lufkin police officers responding to a call of a possible shoplifter at a beauty supply store on Saturday. After the officers ran her down on foot, Sponsler was cuffed behind her back and buckled into a seatbelt in the back of a patrol SUV, police said. Video from the SUV's internal camera records Sponsler deftly wriggling out her handcuffs, keeping a wary eye out and playing possum whenever someone in uniform passes by the window. With a build like an 8 year old boy she easiy clambers through the sliding partition and over into the front seat, then speeds off, with officers vainly trying to run after her on foot. Video from the unit's dash camera records Sponsler speeding and veering across lanes, at one point swerving to avoid a spike strip that a roadside officer tosses into the street. After what police said was a 23-minute pursuit at speeds hitting 100 mph, officers maneuver Sponsler into making a hard turn into a residential yard more than 20 miles away in the town of Zavalla, where she loses control of the SUV and finally comes to a stop. Officers break through the driver's-side window and toss Sponsler on the ground, where they cuff her again, a bit toghter this time. Sponsler remained in the Angelina County Jail on $18,000 bond on Tuesday night, charged with five felony counts of escape with the threat of a deadly weapon, aggravated assault, unauthorized use of a vehicle, possession of a controlled substance and evading arrest, according to jail records. The deadly weapon was a police shotgun mechanically locked to the SUV, which pursuing officers said they saw Sponsler reach for repeatedly. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Karen Re: How safe is Skype Dear Webby, My daughter wants me to install Skype in my computer at home and in the office, to save on phone bills. How safe is that? Karen Dear Karen Skype is perfectly safe. It is so heavily encrypted, that even if somebody figured a way to intercept it, they could not extract any information. Also, it does not open any security holes like many other programs do. Even though it is nowhere near as good as before Microsoft bought it for $8.5 Billion to make sure Google did not get it, Skype is really easy on computer's resources. There is no need to shut it down now and then to release hogged memory. It's not just for talking and video chatting for free over the net. It includes a text chat module for typing back and forth and sending pictures, movies, music, links, etc. You can even send SMS messages to cell phones. Voice quality is still very good, often better than over a phone. We have used Skype for tech support for about 18 years now, and have never had a problem with it. I normally just use text chat, because it allows people to copy and paste. My father is the only exception. I video chat 5 - 10 minutes with him every day, noon my time, 8 PM his time in Austria. Why not? It is free, and at his age typing is a nuisance. Have FUN! DearWebby

An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are discussing the merits of a mistress. The artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of being discovered. The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems. The computer scientist says, "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. My wife thinks I'm with my mistress. My mistress thinks I'm home with my wife, and I can spend all night on the computer!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Strong Necklace Thread Tired of your necklace breaking? Restring it with fishing line. Fishing line is very strong and inexpensive. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Dont get too carried away! Choose a fishing line, that is not stronger than your neck! Test it by snagging it on a coat hook. 10lb or 15lb is strong enough and usually won't kill you. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Can you guess which is the alpha dog?
____________________________________________________ Keli and Anni were flying Arkansas Airlines to Minneapolis. Anni was flying the plane, and Keli was in the back fooling with the cargo equipment and stuff. The plane hit some turbulence an started bouncing around an Anni got knocked unconscious. Then the plane start drifting. Keli came running up to the front and saw Anni sprawled out all over the controls. Well, Keli doesn't know anything about flying and she starts to get panicky. She grabs the microphone and screams "May Day! May Day! This is Arkansas Air Line 90210. Anni, is knocked unconscious and I don't know how to fly the plane!" "This is the control tower," someone answers. "Don't you worry about nothing. We're gonna teach you how to land the plane, step by step. Just leave everything to us. First, how high are you , and what's your position?" Keli thought for a minute, then said, "I'm five foot two and I'm all the way to the front of the plane." "No! No!" answer the tower. "What's your altitude, and where are you located?" Keli said, "Man, right now I've got a poor attitude, an I'm from Caraway, Arkansas!!" "No! No! No!" came an exasperated voice. "I need to know how many feet you got off the ground and where your plane is in relation to the airport!" Keli, she starts to panic by this time, and says, "Counting Anni's feet and mine together, we got four feet off the ground and I don't believe this plane is related to your airport!" A long pause ---- the silence was deafening. "We need to know who is your next of kin." ___________________________________________________
Don't stare at these drawings too long because you'll feel like you're falling in.
___________________________________________________ From Armond Dear Webby, I am consistently amazed at your easy, common sense replies to some of the trickiest questions, not like the insecure and usually clueless answers I get from my ISP's and my web host's tech support. Dear Armond We do provide web hosting! You are most welcome to upgrade and move your site to our servers. DearWebby
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life, --- and give up me Irish Whiskey." Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, Lord, I found one." ____________________________________________________

Today, Sept 9, in 
490 B.C. The Battle of Marathon took place between the
invading Persian army and the Athenian Army. The marathon
race was derived from the events that occurred surrounding
this battle. 

1776 The second Continental Congress officially made the
term "United States", replacing the previous term "United
Colonies." 

1836 Abraham Lincoln received his license to practice law. 

1904 Mounted police were used for the first time in the City
of New York. 

1911 Italy declared war on the Ottoman Turks and annexed
Libya, Tripolitania, and Cyrenaica in North Africa. 

1919 The majority of Boston's police force went on strike.
The force was made up of 1,500 men. 

1919 Alexander Graham Bell and Casey Baldwin's HD-4, a
hydrofoil craft, set a world marine speed record. 

1942 Japan dropped incendiaries over NE in an attempt to set
fire to the forests in Oregon and Washington. The rain
forest did not ignite. 

1943 During World War II Allied forces landed at Taranto and
Salerno. 

1948 North Korea became the People's Democratic Republic of
Korea. 

1965 French President Charles de Gaulle announced that
France was withdrawing from NATO to protest the domination
of the U.S. in the organization. 

1971 Gordie Howe of the Detroit Red Wings retired from the
National Hockey League (NHL). 

1981 Nicaragua declared a state of economic emergency and
banned strikes. 

1983 The Soviet Union announced that the Korean jetliner
that was shot down on September 1, 1983 was not an accident
or an error. 

1986 Frank Reed was taken hostage in Lebanon by pro-Iranian
kidnappers. The director of a private school in Lebanon was
released 44 months later. 

1986 Ted Turner presented the first of his colorized films
on WTBS in Atlanta, GA. 

1986 Gennadiy Zakharov was indicted by a New York jury on
espionage charges. Zakharov was a Soviet United Nations
employee. 

1993 Israeli and PLO leaders agreed to recognize each other.

1994 The U.S. agreed to accept about 20,000 Cuban immigrants
a year. This was in return for Cuba's promise to halt the
flight of refugees. 

1994 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off on an 11-day
mission. 

1997 Sinn Fein, the IRA's political ally, formally renounced
violence as it took its place in talks on Northern Ireland's
future. 

1998 Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr delivered to the U.S.
Congress 36 boxes of material concerning his investigation
of U.S. President Clinton. 

1998 Four tourists who had paid $32,500 each were taken in
submarine to view the wreckage of the Titanic. The ship is 2
miles below the Atlantic off Newfoundland. 

1999 The Sega Dreamcast game system went on sale. By 1:00pm
all Toys R Us locations in the U.S. had sold out. 

2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 100 million applications
downloaded. 

2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 1.8 billion applications
downloaded. 

2017  smiled.


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How to get rid of desktop.ini 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, September 8
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you, Leon!!
Thank you Donnie!!

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida driver more than 4 times over the limit
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 8 in
1664 The Dutch surrendered New Amsterdam to the British, 
who then renamed it New York. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A short saying oft contains much wisdom. --- Sophocles (496 BC - 406 BC) The marvel of all history is the patience with which men and women submit to burdens unnecessarily laid upon them by their governments. --- William H. Borah ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks. Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why God sent you, Honey." "And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, Sweetheart, he did." "And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?" "Yes, Honey, all of them, too." The child shakes her head in disbelief. "Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ At the counter, a woman was complaining about the departure time, saying, "Young man, I could stick a feather in my butt and get there faster." The clerk smiled and said, "Yeah, and you'd save extra time by not having to go through Security! Go for it!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jasbir, 67, Bhupinder, 61, Devbir Kalsi, 33, Hillsborogh, Florida Parents flew from India to Florida to help their son beat up his wife A husband and wife are accused of flying from India to Florida to help “discipline” their son’s wife, who was found badly beaten and allegedly held against her will at a Tampa Bay area home on Saturday, law enforcement authorities said. Jasbir Kalsi, 67, and Bhupinder Kalsi, 61, were arrested along with their son, Devbir Kalsi, 33, after the victim’s relatives in India requested a welfare check by the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office, according to an incident report. A deputy who went to the victim’s Riverview home around 6:30 a.m. on Saturday said people inside ignored his efforts to get them to open the front door. He forced his way inside when he heard Devbir’s 33-year-old wife screaming for someone to save her and her child. “The deputy forced the door open and was immediately confronted by the victim’s husband Devbir Kalsi who attempted to push the door closed,” according to the incident report. The deputy said he was arresting the husband when he was confronted by the man’s father and mother. As the officer dealt with the parents, additional deputies arrived. The young wife was described as “badly beaten and bruised over her entire body.” (HuffPost is not naming her because she is a suspected victim of domestic violence.) Based on her bruises, the woman is believed to have been physically assaulted “for an extended period of time,” authorities said. They said the child, a 1-year-old according to the Tampa Bay Times, was unharmed. Devbir Kalsi’s parents flew to Florida from Punjab state, India, to help “counsel and discipline” his wife after hearing that she was being “disobedient,” authorities alleged. At one point, the husband and his parents allegedly threatened his wife with a knife to her throat. They also allegedly took her phone away so she couldn’t call 911. Devbir, Jasbir and Bhupinder Kalsi were booked into the Hillsborough County Jail and held without bond, the Tampa Bay Times reported. Devbir is facing charges of felony battery, false imprisonment, child abuse and denying access to 911. His father is facing charges of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon, false imprisonment, child abuse and denying access to 911. His mother is looking at charges of battery, domestic violence and failure to report child abuse. The accused family members, who are foreign nationals, could be deported back to India, Fox 13 reported. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ginger Re: Desktop.ini Dear Webby, This "desktop.ini icon" has been showing up on my desktop every time I sign onto my computer. I ignored it for weeks and weeks but it's getting on my nerves now! Can you tell me how to keep it from showing up every day? Thank you for always being there when we have a question! Ginger Dear Ginger It is a harmless, though rather klutzy way to show the desktop setup. Theoretically, the programmers of Windows could mess with the desktop by editing it. In actuality, it is a leftover from Windows 95, and nobody knows why. If you delete it, it will be generated again the next time you move icons around. There is no need for it to clutter up your desktop. So just hide the silly thing. Select the icon or file or folders you want to hide. Right-click and choose Properties. Click the General tab. Click the checkbox next to Hidden in the Attributes section. Click Apply That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby

Q. According to Cosmo magazine, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning. Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency. Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"? A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty. Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"? A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Instant Wonton Noodles By 15mhhm15 [242 Posts, 700 Comments] While grocery shopping at Costco, these Chicken & Cilantro Mini Wontons were being demonstrated. I love the idea of how quick and versatile these wontons are for frozen food, pretty nutritious, and inexpensive. This 3 lb bag has about 150 pieces for $9.69. There was a promotion going on so it was $3.50 off, coming out to be $6.19. Prep Time: 2 minutes Cook Time: 8 minutes Total Time: 10 minutes Yield: 2 people Ingredients: 25 wontons 1/2 water 2 packages ramen noodles 2 stems cilantro 2 stems green onions 4 pieces ham 4 Tbsp hoisin sauce Steps: Dice green onions and cilantro. In a large pot, bring water to a boil. Add wontons and cook for 2-3 minutes. Remove wontons and set aside. Add ramen seasoning. I used garlic and pepper kind of ramen. Sprinkle some green onions in. Add the ramen noodles and cook for 3-4 minutes Optional: we had left over ham and a great way to use up ham is in soup. For finishing touches, add the wontons back into soup and the remaining green onions and add cilantro. Stir in some hoisin sauce for flavor and ready to enjoy! ____________________________________________________
Planting donut seeds
____________________________________________________ >From Carole Webby, I have to agree with Connie completely. You do more to help people just by keeping them happy. Thank you, Carole ___________________________________________________
The 2017 World Beard and Mustache Champions.
___________________________________________________ A man comes home chuckling, and says to his wife, "Get this, that ridiculous janitor of ours claims he's made love to every woman in this building except one." "Hmmmmm," said the wife, looking thoughtfully off into space. "Must be that stuck up Fran Beasly on the fourth floor."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Although I had never met my maternal grandfather, I knew that he had been five feet, six inches tall, while my stately grandmother stood five feet, eleven inches. As a teen-ager while leafing through an old photograph album with my Grandmother, I finally realized how unusual they must have looked together. "Grand," I asked, "how could you have dated and fallen in love a man almost half a foot shorter than you?" She turned to me, gave me a sensuous wink and said, "Honey, we fell in love sitting down, and by the time I stood up, it was way too late for him." ____________________________________________________

Today, Sept 8, in 
1565 A Spanish expedition established the first permanent
European settlement in North America at present-day St.
Augustine, FL. 

1664 The Dutch surrendered New Amsterdam to the British, who
then renamed it New York. 

1866 The first recorded birth of sextuplets took place in
Chicago, IL. The parents were James and Jennie Bushnell. 

1892 An early version of "The Pledge of Allegiance" appeared
in "The Youth's Companion." 

1893 In New Zealand, the Electoral Act 1893 was passed by
the Legislative Council. It was consented by the governor on
September 19 giving all women in New Zealand the right to
vote. 

1935 U.S. Senator Huey P. Long, "The Kingfish" of Louisiana
politics, was shot and mortally wounded. He died two days
later. 

1945 In Washington, DC, a bus equipped with a two-way radio
was put into service for the first time. 

1945 Bess Myerson of New York was crowned Miss America. She
was the first Jewish contestant to win the title. 

1951 A peace treaty with Japan was signed by 48 other
nations in San Francisco, CA. 

1960 NASA's Marshall Space Flight Center in Huntsville, AL,
was dedicated by U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower. The
facility had been activated in July earlier that year. 

1966 NBC-TV aired the first episode of "Star Trek" entitled
"The Man Trap". The show was canceled on September 2, 1969. 

1974 U.S. President Ford granted an unconditional pardon to
former U.S. President Nixon. 

1975 In Boston, MA, public schools began their court-ordered
citywide busing program amid scattered incidents of
violence. 

1997 America Online acquired CompuServe. 

1999 Russia's Mission Control switched off the Mir space
station's central computer and other systems to save energy
during a planned six months of unmanned flights. 

2015 British researchers announced that evidence of a larger
version of Stonehenge had been located about 2 miles from
the Stonehenge location. There were 90 buried stones that
had been found by ground penetrating radar. 

2017  smiled.


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Partitioning an add on drive 





Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, September 7

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Some interesting stats:
Source: U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services
In 2017 there were 211,264 DACA applications by March 31.
Application for renewal, which requires that the applicant
have no crimina record and is either working or studying,
were only 35,586 (16%)

That means 175,687 (83%) either had acquired a criminal
record, were busy trying to get free room and board in some
jail, or were busy demonstrating and looting with one of
the many Hilarite groups and had no time to work or study.

You definitely can't blame that dismal 16% record on Trump.
Time to end that BS.

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida driver more than 4 times over the limit
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 7 in
1812 Napoleon defeated the Russian army of Alexander I at
the battle of Borodino. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. --- Woody Allen (1935 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The store's policy on returns was prominently posted at every register as well as throughout the store. Every receipt also had the same information. A store credit would be given on all returns, but there were no cash refunds. The clerk explained this policy to a grouchy customer, and the woman blew up at the clerk, finally demanding the name of the President and his address. The clerk quickly replied, "George W. Bush, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC." The woman promptly wrote this information down and stuffed it into her purse. "He will hear from ME!" she announced as she stormed out of the store. After she was gone, leaving her most likely shoplifted merchandise behind, the clerk shrugged and said: "She didn't say the CURRENT president". _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A young lady was dating two men, a dairy farmer and a poet. She had trouble deciding if she should marry for butter or for verse. ______________________________________________________ Joe is not dead. He is just lost in one of Amazon's 80,000 warehouses. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brittany Sharp, 25, Fort Myers, Florida Florida woman stops drunk driver the hard way Three women in Florida put themselves in harm’s way for the sake of others when they made an alleged DUI driver crash into their vehicle. Suzzette Williams, Angelina Powell and an unidentified woman took matters into their own hands after spotting a motorist — who police later identified as 25-year-old Brittany Sharp — driving erratically near North Fort Myers on Sunday afternoon, per multiple outlets. Williams, who was driving a Nissan Sentra, trailed Sharp’s white Chevrolet Cavalier as Sharp allegedly weaved between lanes, hit curbs and then joined Interstate 75, per WBBH. One of Williams’ passengers remained in telephone contact with the police, while the other broadcast the pursuit over Facebook Live. Williams then overtook Sharp, pulled her own vehicle in front of the Chevrolet and slammed on the brakes. It forced Sharp to rear-end Williams’ car, but brought her to a complete stop. Considering how many cops you normally see on the roads in Fort Myers, and how fast they travel, it must have been their lunch time. Usually they are very fast. Florida Highway troopers eventually arrived on the scene and took Sharp, who had minor injuries, for treatment at Fort Myers’ Lee Memorial Hospital. Sharp, from Cape Coral, was charged with driving under the influence, driving with a suspended license and careless driving. She remains in custody without bond at Lee County Jail, per The News-Press, and is scheduled to appear in court on Sept. 18. Florida Highway Patrol Lt. Greg Bueno praised the women for calling 911, but didn’t recommend that others follow their example in stopping a driver “like this on their own.” _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Leon Re: Partitioning a Hard Drive Dear Webby, I recently purchased a new computer with a large ( 1 TB) hard drive. I remember you recommending partitioning hard drives. Everything I read about partitioning states you have to format the drives after partitioning. Does that mean all drives or just the new ones. Will I have to reload what is now on the C drive or will it not be affected? Thanks, I really enjoy your humor letter, Leon Dear Leon Yes, a new partition is like a new drive stuffed into the machine, and has to be partitioned. That is not a big deal, since it doesn't have anything on it yet. The partitioning software has a formatting option for that. It won't mess with the C: drive, just add additional drives. The D: letter is normally reserved for the cD/Dvd, all other letters are still available. No, you won't have to reload anything. It just squishes what you got onto a corner of the C: drive. Once the creation and formatting of the new drives is complete, you can drag all the Prayers to the P: drive and all the Sermons to the S: drive. Have FUN! DearWebby

From Connie R Hi Webby, Happiness is reading your newsletter each morning and starting my day with laughter. Thanks for sharing and spreading so much joy in a world that has so many things going wrong. Keep up the good work. Connie
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ghost Light By Rachel's Mom [277 Posts, 86 Comments] This holiday craft was created by recycling a terra cotta tray and frosted light globe. It would make a great Halloween centerpiece! By Rachel's Mom [277 Posts, 86 Comments] Guide Making a Ghost Light This holiday craft was created by recycling a terra cotta tray and frosted light globe. It would make a great Halloween centerpiece! Approximate Time: about 25 minutes Supplies: 8 inch terra cotta tray frosted light globe black acrylic paint paint brush pencil votive candle Instructions: Paint the terra cotta tray using black acrylic paint and set aside to dry. Use a pencil to draw eyes and mouth onto the globe to resemble a ghost. Fill in these areas with black acrylic paint. Place a votive candle or battery-powered candle in center of tray, and place globe on top. I would highly recommend to use a $1 solar light from the Dollar Store. Some kid is bound to grab the globe, and start a big howl and toss the globe, if the globe is heated by a candle. You can even get solar lights, that change color. If you can't afford a solar light, glue sugar cube size pebbles at the bottom of the globe to ensure plenty of air flow to cool the globe. Flour and water glue is plenty good enough. If you use a solar light, you can fake the globe with wax paper and get right creative! When a kid smashes it, you got a brand new ghost! Have FUN! DearWeby ____________________________________________________
when you drop your cymbals during the national anthem
____________________________________________________ >Thanks to Julie for this one: There's a new virus about. It is called C-Nile. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of it so be warned. It appears to mostly affect those who were born before 1960. Symptoms of C-Nile Virus: 1. Causes you to send same e-mail twice 2. Causes you to send blank e-mail 3. Causes you to send to wrong person 4. Causes you to send back to person who sent it to you 5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment 6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished the ___________________________________________________
Here are "life hacks" from 100 years ago. I wonder if these cards are as valuable as old baseball cards?
___________________________________________________ >Thanks to Hunny for this one: In my job with a credit union, I often run across accounts that are protected by password. The credit-union member, when withdrawing funds, must produce identification and then give the password to the teller. Recently, when I asked a woman for her password, she sighed, rolled her eyes and replied, "Save." I was puzzled until she explained, "My husband used that password so I'd have to say it every time I make a withdrawal."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A man went to his lawyer and stated, "I would like to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go about it." The lawyer said, "No problem, leave it all to me." The man looked somewhat upset as he said, "Well, I knew you were going to take the biggest slice, but I'd like to leave a little to my children, too!" ____________________________________________________

Today, Sept 7, in 
1812 Napoleon defeated the Russian army of Alexander I at
the battle of Borodino. 

1813 The nickname "Uncle Sam" was first used as a symbolic
reference to the United States. The reference appeared in an
editorial in the New York's Troy Post. 

1822 Brazil declared its independence from Portugal. 

1880 George Ligowsky was granted a patent for his device
that threw clay pigeons for trapshooters. 

1888 Edith Eleanor McLean became the first baby to be placed
in an incubator. 

1896 A.H. Whiting won the first automobile race held on a
racetrack. The race was held in Cranston, RI. 

1901 China and the Eight-Nation Alliance signed the Boxer
Protocol ending the Boxer Rebellion (Boxer Uprising,
Yihequan Movement, Anti-Foreign Trade Movement). 

1915 Johnny Gruelle received a patent for his Raggedy Ann
doll. (U.S. Patent D47789) 

1921 Margaret Gorman of Washington, DC, was crowned the
first Miss America in Atlantic City, NJ. 

1927 Philo T. Farnsworth succeeded in transmitting an image
through purely electronic means by using an image dissector.

1930 The cartoon "Blondie" made its first appearance in the
comic strips. 

1940 London received its initial rain of bombs from Nazi
Germany during World War II in retaliation for England's
turning Germany's re-annexation of the western part of
Poland into WWII. 

1942 During World War II, the Russian army counter attacked
the German troops outside the city of Stalingrad. 

1971 "The Beverly Hillbillies" was seen for the final time
on CBS-TV. 

1977 The Panama Canal treaties were signed by U.S. President
Carter and General Omar Torrijos Herrera. The treaties
called for the U.S. to turn over control of the canal's
waterway to Panama in the year 2000. 

1979 ESPN, the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network,
made its debut on cable TV. 

1983 In Ireland, voters approved a constitutional ammendment
that banned abortion. 

1984 American Express Co. issued the first of its Platinum
charge cards. 

1986 President Augusto Pinochet survived an assassination
attempt made by guerrillas. 

1986 Desmond Tutu was the first black to be installed to
lead the Anglican Church in southern Africa. 

1987 Erich Honecker became the first East German head of
state to visit West Germany. 

1989 Legislation was approved by the U.S. Senate that
prohibited discrimination against the handicapped in
employment, public accommodations, transportation and
communications. 

1999 Viacom Inc. announced that it had plans to buy CBS
Corp. 

2017  smiled.


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Restore the quick-launch 





Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, September 6

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida driver more than 4 times over the limit
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 6 in
1620 The Pilgrims left on the Mayflower from
Plymouth, England to settle in the New World. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. --- Jackie Mason (1934 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Miss Figpot looked over her third grade class and happened to notice Billy and Little Johnny giggling and talking during her lesson. "Well, since you two are obviously listening so well, let's see if you can answer this one!" The teacher said with a smirk on her face. "What is the proper name to use when referring to a cow that has just given birth?" There was a moment of silence, then Little Johnny started giggling. "You think it's funny Johnny? You know the answer?" growled Miss Figpot. "Umm...yeah!" Johnny replied. "Well, let's hear it." "You would call her de-calfenated!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The Sunday school lesson for the day was about Noah's Ark, so the preschool teacher in our Kentucky church decided to get her small pupils involved by playing a game in which they identified animals. "I'm going to describe something to you. Let's see if you can guess what it is. First: I'm furry with a bushy tail and I like to climb trees." The children looked at her blankly. "I also like to eat nuts, especially acorns." No response. This wasn't going well at all! "I'm usually brown or grey, but sometimes I can be black or red." Desperate, the teacher turned to a perky four-year-old who was usually good about coming up with the answers. "Michelle, what do you think?" Michelle looked hesitantly at her classmates and replied, "Well, I know the answer has to be Jesus -- but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me!" ______________________________________________________ Don't move for abolut a week! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shelby Wagner, 25, Crestview, Florida Florida driver more than 4 times over the limit A Crestview woman with a blood-alcohol level over four times the legal limit was charged with driving under the influence after several people who noticed her reckless driving called the Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office. Shelby Wagner, 25, was pulled over as she was driving on State Road 293 near Niceville about 7 a.m. Thursday with a blood-alcohol level of 0.334, according to her offense report. The deputy noticed the white Chevy Suburban swerving, crossing the center line and even driving down the median. At one point he noticed that the car was pulled over to the side of the road with Wagner slumped over the wheel. When speaking with the deputy, Wagner misstated the road she was driving on, telling him she was on State Road 85. Wagner failed a field sobriety the test after she was unable to recite the alphabet forward, singing up to the letter “P” and then saying “F, G ,H, M, P” before randomly reciting different letters. The deputy also noted a bottle of red wine and a red cup in the car’s middle console that appeared to have red wine in it. Wagner was arrested for a DUI and then taken to the Fort Walton Beach Police Department for a breathalyzer test. Because the samples showed a blood-alcohol level of over 0.30, Wagner was then taken to Fort Walton Beach Medical Center to be medically cleared. .3 and over is often fatal. After she was cleared she was booked. Her vehicle was towed from the scene. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ross F Re: Restore Quick-Launch Dear Webby, Dear Webby Is there any other way of refreshing the Quick Launch, other than restarting? Once in a while Incredimail doesn't show up, but after restarting the computer it'll come back! Thanks, Ross Dear Ross Are you aware that, aside from being a nuisance to politely and silently suffering recipients, Incredimail is spyware ? It not only reports on you, it also records the IP numbers of your victims, and who knows what else. When Windows or some other program gets disgusted with it and dumps it off the Quick-Launch toolbar or randomizes the Quick-Launch toolbar, you can restore it by squishing the task bar down to a hair line and pulling it up again. Have FUN! DearWebby

A man says to his buddy, "You'll never believe what happened last night." His buddy says, "Well then, tell me what happened." The man says, "Last night the doorbell rang, and when I opened the door, there was my ex-mother-in-law on the front porch. She said, 'Can I stay here for a few days?' I said, 'Of course, you can,' and shut the door."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Wrinkled Slacks But No Iron? This tips is especially useful when traveling and staying in a hotel. If you have wrinkled slacks but no iron, just put the slacks neatly over the towel bar in the bathroom while taking a shower. Be sure to close the bathroom door to trap as much steam as possible. The steam will help ease some of the wrinkles. It also helps to smooth them out with your hands while it is steamy. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
man films parking lot overnight during Hurricane Harvey
____________________________________________________ >From Kati A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during this particularly icy fall. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules, so the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email. Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife Subject: I've Arrived Date: February 28, 2006 I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. P.S. Sure is hot down here! ___________________________________________________
A "hobbit" castle built for sheep in the English countryside.
___________________________________________________ That reminds me of this one: A father thought it was about time to lecture his son, who was somewhat scatter-brained and frivolous. "Jim," he said, "You're getting to be a man now and you ought to take life more seriously. Just think . . . if I died all of a sudden, where would you be?" "I'd be right here, dad," said Jim. "The question is, where would YOU be?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ An optometrist was instructing a new employee on how much to charge a customer: "As you are fitting his glasses, if he asks how much they cost, you say 'two hundred seventy five dollars.' If his eyes don't flutter, say, 'For the frames. The lenses will be two hundred fifty dollars'. If his eyes still don't flutter, you say, 'Each'." ____________________________________________________

Today, Sept 6, in 
1620 The Pilgrims left on the Mayflower from Plymouth,
England to settle in the New World. 

1819 Thomas Blanchard patented a machine called the lathe. 

1837 The Oberlin Collegiate Institute of Ohio went co-
educational. 

1876 The Southern Pacific rail line from Los Angeles to San
Francisco was completed. 

1899 Carnation processed its first can of evaporated milk. 

1901 U.S. President William McKinley was shot and mortally
wounded (he died eight days later) by Leon Czolgosz.
Czolgosz, an American anarchist, was executed the following
October. 

1909 Robert Peary, American explorer, sent word that he had
reached the North Pole. He had reached his goal five months
earlier. 

1939 South Africa declared war on Germany. 

1941 Jews in German-occupied areas were ordered to wear the
Star of David with the word "Jew" inscribed. The order only
applied to Jews over the age of 6. 

1944 During World War II, the British government relaxed
blackout restrictions and suspended compulsory training for
the Home Guard. 

1948 Queen Juliana of the Netherlands was crowned. 

1952 In Montreal, Canadian television began broadcasting. 

1972 Rick DeMont lost the gold medal he received in a 400-
meter swimming event because a banned drug was found in his
system during routine drug testing. 

1975 Martina Navratilova requested political asylum while in
New York for the U.S. Open Tennis Tournament. 

1978 James Wickwire and Louis Reichardt reached the top of
the world's second largest mountain, Pakistan's K-2. They
were the first Americans to reach the summit. Reinhold
Messner had reached it in the mid 60's.

1990 Iraq warned that anyone trying to flee the country
without permission would be put in prison for life. 

1991 The State Council of the Soviet Union recognized the
independence of the Baltic states. 

1991 The name St. Petersburg was restored to Russia's second
largest city. The city was founded in 1703 by Peter the
Great. The name has been changed to Petrograd (1914) and to
Leningrad (1924). 

1992 A 35-year old man died ten weeks after receiving a
transplanted baboon liver. 

1993 Renault of France and Volvo of Sweden announced they
were merging. Volvo eventually canceled the deal the
following December. 

1995 U.S. Senator Bob Packwood was expelled by the Senate
Ethics Committee. 

2001 The U.S. Justice Department announced that it was
seeking a lesser antitrust penalty and would not attempt to
break up Microsoft. 

2001 Ebay Inc. was found not liable for copyright
infringement because bootleg copies of a Charles Manson
documentary had been sold on the site. 

2017  smiled.


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Clearing your tracks 





Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, September 5

Thank you, Svend !!

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Deerfield Beach burglary victim arrested after 
deputies, called by the burglar alarm, 
find marijuana. Lots of it!

 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 5 in
1914 The Battle of the Marne began. The Germans, British and
French fought for six days killing half a million people. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ He has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help. --Abraham Lincoln ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ How often have we heard that television watching can be detrimental? A pastor carried that message one Sunday morning in an impassioned sermon on the evils of TV. "It steals away precious time that could be better spent on other things," he said. He advised the congregation to do what he and his family had done. "We put our TV away in the closet." "That's right," his wife muttered to the woman next to her, "and it gets awfully crowded in there!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ With more people traveling, the airlines seem to have more problems keeping passengers happy. At the end of one flight, however, one smiling, very satisfied fellow pauses to congratulate the flight attendant. "I want to compliment you and the crew and especially the captain for getting here right on time," he says. "It's not often anymore that an airline gets to where it's going exactly when they claim it will. I'm going to call your home office and let them know how pleased I am." "Why, thank you, sir," the flight attendant answers, "but I think you should know -- this is yesterday's flight." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Anthony Black, 32, Deerfield Beach, Florida Deerfield Beach burglary victim arrested after deputies, called by the burglar alarm, find marijuana. Lots of it. A Deerfield Beach homeowner is behind bars after police found about 38 pounds of marijuana while responding to a burglary at his house. Anthony Black went before a judge, Friday, just one day after his home alarm alerted the Broward Sheriff’s Office to check out a disturbance. “Road patrol received a call that there was an alarm activation at a residence,” said BSO Detective Michael Weiner. Someone had broken into Black’s home. According to the police report, Black, 32, arrived to find a burglar jumping his fence. “When road patrol deputies got there, they went to the back of the house after the resident, owner, secured a couple dogs, realized that the back window to one of the doors was smashed in,” said Weiner. Black secured his pit bulls while deputies entered his home, but the burglary soon took a back seat to the officers’ latest discovery. BSO Detective Reginald Cleophat said it was the smell of marijuana that caught his attention first. “As soon as you walked in, it just hit you in the face, to be honest with you. It was all over the place,” said Cleophat. “He knew he was caught red-handed. He knew that he messed up, to be honest with you.” Bags and bags of weed were found all over the house, along with a gun and thousands of dollars. “In the end, it was over 17,000 grams, which equals to about 38 pounds of cannabis. Street worth is about between $100,000 and $101,000 on the streets,” said Cleophat. Black was arrested and taken to jail. “I’m not a bad guy,” Black said to the judge. “He was so focused on the fact that he was a victim of a crime, which was the burglary,” said Cleophat. “It completely escaped his mind that there were narcotics inside of the residence.” Black is being held at the Broward County Jail on a $75,000 bond. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Dave Re: Cleaning tracks Dear Webby, Dear Webby I've used windows to automatically keep user IDs, search engine searches, passwords, etc...and now have quite a list. How do I erase these? Thanks in advance for your help. Your newsletter is the first thing we read each morning. Keep up the good work! Dave Dear Dave CrapCleaner can clean all that, if you checkmark those items. You can get CrapCleaner free at http://webby.com/tools Have FUN! DearWebby

Consider the mother and her daughter who were shopping in a mall one day when the mother spied an expensive fur coat. She tried it on and stood in front of the mirror admiring the look and stroking the fur. "This year, I think I'll get myself a birthday present," she said. "But mom," her daughter protested, "some helpless, poor creature has to suffer so that you can have this." "Don't worry, honey. Your father won't get the bill for a couple of weeks."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Securing Buttons When you buy a new shirt with buttons, put a dab of clear nail polish in the center of each button on the front and back. The nail polish will seal the threads and the button will stay on much longer. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
NASA e-mailed a wrench to the space station!
____________________________________________________ Hillary was in an accident and required immediate cosmetic surgery. So they toook off her make-up. And then they took off another layer of make-up. And another one. And another one. Working frantically for three days and nights they finally reached the skin. The next morning there was a press release: Jimmy Hoffa has been found ! ___________________________________________________
Different types of fog.
___________________________________________________ Seven year old Linda asked her mother how old she was. Her mother told her that women often keep their age a secret and changed the subject. Later that day Linda's friend Mary came over for a visit, and she told her about not getting an answer from her mother. Mary suggested to just look it up on her mother's drivers license in her purse on the table. While her mother was busy in the laundry room, they snuck a peek. Later, when mother returned, Linda bragged: "Mom, I know how tall you are! You are 5' 6"." Mother smiled and thought: "Used to be!" Then Linda said:" And I know how much you weigh! 125 punds!" Again mother smiled and thought: "Used to be!" But then Linda announced: "And you were born on February 27, 1960!" Now mother started looking concerned and wondering where Linda got all that information from. Then Linda dropped the bomb shell: "And I know why Daddy divorced you and left! You got an 'F' in sex!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A study conducted by the American Psychiatric Association (ASA) today showed that over 64% of the practicing psychiatrists in the U.S. were themselves receiving psychiatric treatment of some kind. A spokeswoman for the ASA said the public should not be concerned, as the remainder were undergoing intensive drug-therapy. ____________________________________________________

Today, Sept 5, in 
1698 Russia's Peter the Great imposed a tax on beards. 

1774 The first session of the U.S. Continental Congress
convened in Philadelphia. The delegates drafted a
declaration of rights and grievances, organized the
Continental Association, and elected Peyton Randolph as the
first president of the Continental Congress. 

1793 In France, the "Reign of Terror" began. The National
Convention enacted measures to repress the French
Revolutionary activities. 

1836 Sam Houston was elected as the first president of the
Republic of Texas. 

1877 Sioux chief Crazy Horse was killed by the bayonet of a
U.S. soldier. The chief allegedly resisted confinement to a
jail cell. 

1881 The American Red Cross provided relief for disaster for
the first time. The disaster was the Great Fire of 1881 in
Michigan. 

1882 The first U.S. Labor Day parade was held in New York
City. 

1885 Jake Gumper bought the first gasoline pump to be
manufactured in the U.S. 

1900 France proclaimed a protectorate over Chad. 

1905 The Treaty of Portsmouth was signed by Russia and Japan
to end the Russo-Japanese War. The settlement was mediated
by U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt in New Hampshire. 

1914 The Battle of the Marne began. The Germans, British and
French fought for six days killing half a million people. 

1917 Federal raids were carried out in 24 cities on
International Workers of the World (IWW) headquarters. The
raids were prompted by suspected anti-war activities within
the labor organization. 

1930 Charles Creighton and James Hagris completed the drive
from New York City to Los Angeles and back to New York City
all in reverse gear. The trip took 42 days in their 1929
Ford Model A. 

1939 The U.S. proclaimed its neutrality in World War II. 

1945 Iva Toguri D'Aquino was arrested. D'Aquino was
suspected of being the wartime radio propagandist "Tokyo
Rose". She served six years and was later pardoned by U.S.
President Ford. 

1953 The first privately operated atomic reactor opened in
Raleigh, NC. 

1957 Jack Kerouac's "On the Road" was first published. 

1958 The first color videotaped program was aired. It was
"The Betty Freezor Show" on WBTV-TV in Charlotte, NC. 

1958 Boris Pasternak's "Doctor Zhivago" was published for
the first time in the U.S. 

1960 Cassius Clay of Louisville, KY, won the gold medal in
light heavyweight boxing at the Olympic Games in Rome,
Italy. Clay later changed his name to Muhammad Ali. 

1961 The U.S. government made airline hijacking a federal
offense. 

1977 The U.S. launched Voyager . 

1980 The St. Gothard Tunnel opened in Switzerland. It is the
world's longest highway tunnel at 10.14 miles long. 

1982 Eddie Hill set a propeller-driven boat water speed
record when he reached 229 mph. 

1983 U.S. President Reagan denounced the Soviet Union for
shooting down a Korean Air Lines. Reagan demanded that the
Soviet Union pay reparations for the act that killed 269
people. 

1984 The space shuttle Discovery landed after its maiden
voyage. 

1984 Mortimer Zuckerman purchased the newsmagazine, "U.S.
News & World Report" for $163 million. 

1985 Rioting in South Africa spilled into white
neighborhoods for the first time. 

1986 NASA launched DOD-1. 

1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein urged for a Holy War
against the West and former allies. 

1991 Soviet lawmakers created an interim government to usher
in the confederation after dissolving the U.S.S.R. The new
name the Union of Sovereign States was taken. 

1992 A General Motors Corporation strike ended with a new
agreement being approved. Nearly 43,000 workers were on
strike. 

1995 France set off an underground nuclear blast in the
South Pacific. 

1996 The play "Summer and Smoke" opened at the Criterion
Theatre. 

2003 In London, magician David Blaine entered a clear
plastic box and then suspended by a crane over the banks of
the Thames River. He remained there until October 19
surviving only on water. 

2017  smiled.


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Get rid of Caps Lock forever 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, September 4

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Violent home invasion by 3 armed crooks 
against paralyzed woman with kids.
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 4 in
1609 English navigator Henry Hudson began exploring the
island of Manhattan. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ He has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help. --- Abraham Lincoln All generalizations are dangerous, even this one. --- Alexandre Dumas (1802 - 1870) When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. --- Norm Crosby "It is wise to direct your anger towards problems -- not people; to focus your energies on answers -- not excuses." --- William Arthur Ward ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Three churches - Baptist, Methodist, and Presbyterian - worked together to sponsor a community-wide revival. After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another. The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained 4 new families." The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained 6 new families." The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. "No woman," said one man, scornfully, "can keep a secret." "I would dispute that," answered a woman guest. "I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one." "You'll let it out some day," the man insisted. "I hardly think so!" responded the lady. "When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Melissa Natal, 35, Juan Flores, 25, Bryan Martinez, 24, Franklin, New Hampshire Violent home invasion by 3 armed crooks against paralyzed woman with kids. Being arrested is a crappy experience, but that’s not why a woman in New Hampshire asked for toilet paper before authorities snapped her booking photo. Melissa Natal was accused of masterminding a violent home invasion early Friday involving a paralyzed woman and children. Natal, 35, and her alleged accomplices, Juan Flores, 25; and Bryan Martinez, 24; were charged with conspiracy to commit robbery and burglary, according to WMUR-TV. Natal apparently found the police holding cell cold ? so much so that she wrapped herself in toilet paper for warmth, according to the Manchester Union-Leader. That led to a very sheety mug shot. Flores also found the holding cell chilly. He posed for his booking photo with his arms inside his shirt. Martinez didn’t do anything special to ward off the chill in the cooler. Police said the three suspects broke into the Franklin home of Lynn Hollins, who is paralyzed from the chest down, around 3 a.m. They were armed with a baseball bat and a gun, and were looking for money, according to the Concord Monitor. Martinez jumped onto Hollins and tried to duct-tape her mouth shut, authorities said. “He jumped over me, ripped my shirt off and ripped my pants right off and then got on top of me and just said, ‘Do you have any money?’ and tried to take my ring,” Hollins told WMUR-TV. “I wasn’t going to let it go. I was like, ‘No! Get off me!’” Hollins’ roommates heard the commotion and they tried to stop the attackers. One of the roommates was punched “about a dozen times in the back of the head,” according to court documents. Flores pointed a gun at three of Hollins’ four children, according to the Concord Monitor. Martinez grabbed money hidden in the home’s bar. The suspects piled into a vehicle and fled just as officers arrived, according to NH1.com. They were arrested a short time later. The trio were arraigned later Friday. Prosecutors alleged that Natal knew Hollins and persuaded her accomplices to commit the robbery, according to NH1.com. She has been arrested numerous times since 2001, according to jail records. Natal and Martinez were being held on $25,000 bail at the the Merrimack County Jail; Flores was held on $20,000 bail. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sylvie Re: Caps Lock Dear Webby, Dear Webby How can I permanently, once and for all, disable the CAPS LOCK key ? I am transcribing and just glance at the keyboard every second or third paragraph, and it's very annoying to find that I have to retype them. Thanks Sylvie Dear Sylvie I take a spoon or screwdriver and pry off the CAPS LOCK key and then glue it on a coin operated copy machine. It's no more useful there, except for causing a few laughs when somebody new asks about it. Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to David for this press release: Mitsubishi Motors sponsored an online poll of the nation's wildest, weirdest and wackiest street names. More than 2,500 voters cast their ballots during a week of voting that ended this month. Winners were announced Friday. The complete top 10 list included: 10. Tater Peeler Road in Lebanon, Texas 9. The intersection of Count and Basie in Richmond, Va. 8. Shades of Death Road in Warren County, N.J. 7. Unexpected Road in Buena, N.J. 6. Bucket of Blood Street in Holbrook, Ariz. 5. The intersection of Clinton and Fidelity in Houston 4. The intersection of Lonesome and Hardup in Albany, Ga. 3. Farfrompoopen Road in Tennessee (the only road up to Constipation Ridge) 2. Divorce Court in Heather Highlands, Pa. 1. Psycho Path in Traverse City, Mich.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com How to Remove Stamps from Envelopes Here's a tip for stamp collectors: Place a few drops of water on the stamp to be removed from the envelope. Heat in the microwave for 20 seconds and the stamp will come right off. By Robin ____________________________________________________
Super bad timing for brakes to go out! - And Yes they went out! note: the Springfield police had to contact this poster and asked him to rename it or put a disclaimer in as the young woman's brakes actually went out and this was in no way an attempt to harm the president or his motorcade.
____________________________________________________ Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?" The guard replies, "They are 3 million, four years, and six months old." "That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?" The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago." ___________________________________________________
I want one of these!
___________________________________________________ A teenaged boy with spiked hair, nose ring, and baggy clothes says to his friend,"I don't really like to dress like this, but it keeps my parents from dragging me everywhere with them."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ The math teacher saw that little wasn't paying attention in class. She called on and said, "! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!" ____________________________________________________

Today, Sept 4, in 
0476 Romulus Augustulus, the last emperor of the western
Roman Empire, was deposed when Odoacer proclaimed himself
King of Italy. 

1609 English navigator Henry Hudson began exploring the
island of Manhattan. 

1781 Los Angeles, CA, was founded by Spanish settlers. The
original name was "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora La Reina de
Los Angeles de Porciuncula," which translates as "The Town
of the Queen of Angels." 

1825 New York Governor Clinton ceremoniously emptied a
barrel of Lake Erie water in the Atlantic Ocean to
consummate the "Marriage of the Waters" of the Great Lakes
and the Atlantic. 

1833 Barney Flaherty answered an ad in "The New York Sun"
and became the first newsboy/paperboy at the age of 10. 

1882 Thomas Edison's Pearl Street electric power station
began operations in New York City. It was the first display
of a practical electrical lighting system. 

1885 The Exchange Buffet opened in New York City. It was the
first self-service cafeteria in the U.S. 

1886 Geronimo, and the Apache Indians he led, surrendered in
Skeleton Canyon in Arizona to Gen. Nelson Miles. 

1888 George Eastman registered the name "Kodak" and patented
his roll-film camera. The camera took 100 exposures per
roll. 

1894 A strike in New York City by 12,000 tailors took place
to protest sweatshops. 

1899 An 8.3 earthquake hit Yakutat Bar, AK. 

1917 The American expeditionary force in France suffered its
first fatalities in World War I. 

1921 The first police broadcast was made by radio station
WIL in St. Louis, MO. 

1923 The first American dirigible, the "Shenandoah," began
its maiden voyage in Lakehurst, NJ. 

1944 During World War II, British troops entered the city of
Antwerp, Belgium. 

1948 The Dutch Queen Wilhelmina left her throne for health
reasons. 

1949 The longest pro tennis match in history was played when
Pancho Gonzales and Ted Schroeder played 67 games in five
sets. 

1951 The first live, coast-to-coast TV broadcast took place
in the U.S. The event took place in San Francisco, CA, from
the Japanese Peace Treaty Conference. It was seen all the
way to New York City, NY. 

1957 The Arkansas National Guard was ordered by Governor
Orval Faubus to keep nine black students from going into
Little Rock's Central High School. 

1957 The Ford Motor Company began selling the Edsel. The car
was so unpopular that it was taken off the market after only
two years. 

1967 "Gilligan's Island" aired for the last time on CBS-TV.
It ran for 98 shows. 

1967 Michigan Gov. George Romney said during a TV interview
that he had undergone "brainwashing" by U.S. officials while
visiting Vietnam in 1965. 

1972 Swimmer Mark Spitz captured his seventh Olympic gold
medal in the 400-meter medley relay event at Munich,
Germany. Spitz was the first Olympian to win seven gold
medals. 

1981 The Soviet Union began war games with about 100,000
troops on the Polish border. 

1983 U.S. officials announced that there had been an
American plane, used for reconnaissance, in the vicinity of
the Korean Air Lines flight that was shot down. 

1986 South African security forces halted a mass funeral for
the victims of the riot in Soweto. 

1989 A reconnaissance satellite was released by the Air
Force's Titan Three rocket. The Titan Three set over 200
satellites into space between 1964 and 1989. 

1998 In Mexico, bankers stopped approving personal loans and
mortgages. 

1998 The International Monetary Fund approved a $257 million
loan for the Ukraine. 

1998 Google was incorporated as a privately held company. 

1998 While in Ireland, U.S. President Clinton said the words
"I'm sorry" for the first time about his affair with Monica
Lewinsky and described his behavior as indefensible. 

1999 The United Nations announced that the residents of East
Timor had overwhelmingly voted for independence from
Indonesia in a referendum held on August 30. In Dili, pro-
Indonesian militias attacked independence supporters, burned
buildings, blew up bridges and destroyed telecommunication
facilities. 

2002 The Oakland Athletics won their AL-record 20th straight
game. The A's gave up an 11-run lead during the game and
then won the game on a Scott Hatteberg home run in the
bottom of the ninth inning. 

2003 Keegan Reilly, 22, became the first parapalegic climber
to reach the peak of Japan's Mount Fuji. 

2017  smiled.


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Locked by PREsubscribe 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, September 3

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Fugitive COVERED in tattoos on the run
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 3 in
1935 Sir Malcolm Campbell became the first person to drive
an automobile over 300 miles an hour. He reached 304.331 MPH
on the Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The crumbling, old church building needed remodeling, so the preacher made an impassioned appeal, looking directly at the richest may in town. At the end of the message, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1,000." Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. He promptly stood again and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000." Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again and he screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge." He sat down and an even larger chunk of plaster fell, this time hitting him on the head. He stood once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!" This prompted a deacon to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!" Little Johnny, smoking up in the organist's loft, was all out of plaster pieces, so he beaned him with a bible. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Things My Mother Taught Me My Mother taught me LOGIC... "If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me." My Mother taught me MEDICINE... "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way." My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD... "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!" My Mother taught me ESP... "Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?" My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE... "What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you. Don't talk back to me!" My Mother taught me HUMOR... "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT... "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up. My mother taught me about GENETICS... "You are just like your father!" My mother taught me about my ROOTS... "Do you think you were born in a barn?" My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE... "When you get to be my age, you will understand." My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION... "Just wait until your father gets home." and my all time favorite thing - JUSTICE "One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU..then you'll see what it's like." ______________________________________________________ Eclipse 2017 through brown #8 welding lenses _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Eric Judkins, 42, Manchester, New Hampshire Fugitive COVERED in tattoos on the run Authorities in New Hampshire are seeking the public’s help in finding an escaped inmate with tattoos covering his shaved head, face, neck, chest, arm and hands. The U.S. Marshals’ New Hampshire Joint Fugitive Task Force says 42-year-old Eric Judkins was an inmate at a halfway house in Manchester. He failed to return to the facility on Monday night. Judkins was serving part of a 27-month sentence for assault on a fellow inmate in federal prison. Authorities say the assault happened while Judkins was serving a 17˝-year sentence for a 1999 bank robbery. They should offer a job hanging WANTED posters. He weems to be dumb enough to apply. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: CELH Re: Angelwinks Cards Dear Webby, please send me daily cards please CELH Dear CELH E-mail address 'angelblu***@gmail.com' is already in the AngelWinks PODs pre-subscribe list! Please, confirm your subscription! The PRE subscribe only works for 72 hours. After that, you have to try again. Check in your SPAM. Make sure you are not blocking mail from Angelwinks! You may have to make a filter to s afeguard it. Once you are in the PREsubscribe list, waiting for your confirmation click, your address is blocked for 72 hours. You can be in the PREsubscribe list only once at a time. Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to Connie for this joke: Friendship between Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it, but two of them invited him to come on over and see for himself that she was all alone and very lonely. Friendship between Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he slept over and was still there.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Longer Lasting Pantyhose Before wearing pantyhose for the first time, put them in the freezer overnight. First get the pantyhose wet, gently ring them out put them in the freezer overnight. Once frozen, pull them out slowly and hang to them to dry. Why does it work? I have no idea, but this tip has been around for ages and people swear by. You can also spray pantyhose lightly with a spray starch to help prevent runs. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Lady gets caught speeding
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for the update she got from her IT department: MEMO: IT SYSTEM UPGRADE Dear All, As part of our on going cost-cutting exercise, we are proposing a major change to our Desktop policy and a further move towards a recycling and paperless office. The goal is to remove all laptop computers by March 2018 and all desktop computers by April 2018. Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. Technical Justification: 1. No boot-up problems 2. No technical glitches keeping work from being done. 3. No more wasted time reading and writing emails. 4. No more worries about power cuts. 5. Budget savings on upgrades unparalleled 6. No danger of viruses and worms infecting our data. Frequently Asked Questions from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk: Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen. A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: What's the shortcut for Undo? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I create a New Document window? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same colour? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document? A: Don't shake it. Regards, IT Department. ___________________________________________________
I want one of these!
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Ross for this confession: My wife left me...I don't understand. After our last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses - I had to give up drinking beer. I was not a big drinker, maybe a 12-pack on weekends. Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day when she came home from grocery shopping the receipt included $75 in makeup. I said, "Wait a minute. I've given up beer, and you haven't given up anything!" She said, "I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you." I told her, "Well, that's what the beer was for.” Somehow I don't think she'll be back soon.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited many years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court." He smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not run a red light ever again' five hundred times, in nice, legible cursive." ____________________________________________________

Today, Sept 3, in 
1189 England's King Richard I was crowned in Westminster. 

1783 The Revolutionary War between the U.S. and Great
Britain ended with the Treaty of Paris. 

1833 The first successful penny newspaper in the U.S., "The
New York Sun," was launched by Benjamin H. Day. 

1838 Frederick Douglass boarded a train in Maryland on his
way to freedom from being a slave. 

1895 The first professional football game was played in
Latrobe, PA. The Latrobe YMCA defeated the Jeannette
Athletic Club 12-0. 

1935 Sir Malcolm Campbell became the first person to drive
an automobile over 300 miles an hour. He reached 304.331 MPH
on the Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah. 

1939 British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain, in a radio
broadcast, announced that Britain and France had declared
war on Germany. Germany had invaded Poland on September 1
and Britain wanted to get in on Germany's economic recovery.


1943 Italy was invaded by the Allied forces during WWII. 

1954 "The Lone Ranger" was heard on radio for the final time
after 2,956 episodes over a period of 21 years. 

1966 The television series "The Adventures of Ozzie and
Harriet" ended after 14 years. 

1967 Nguyen Van Thieu was elected president of South Vietnam
under a new constitution. 

1967 In Sweden, motorists stopped driving on the left side
of the road and began driving on the right side. 

1976 The U.S. spacecraft Viking 2 landed on Mars. The
unmanned spacecraft took the first close-up, color photos of
the planet's surface. 

1981 Egypt arrested more than 1,500 opponents of the
government. 

1986 Peat Marwick International and Klynveld Main Goerdeler
of the Netherlands agreed to merge and form the world’s
largest accounting firm. 

1989 The U.S. began shipping military aircraft and weapons,
worth $65 million, to Columbia in its fight against drug
lords. 

1994 Russia and China announced that they would no longer be
targeting nuclear missiles or using force against each
other. 

1999 Mario Lemieux's ownership group officially took over
the National Hockey League's Pittsburgh Penguins. Lemieux
became the first player in the modern era of sports to buy
the team he had once played for. 

2013 Hunters in Mississippi caught a 727-pound alligator. 

2017  smiled.


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Outlook version of Excel IF formula 





Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, September 2

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Kentucky burglar steals school bus, leads herd of 
cops on an Interstate chase.
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 2 in
31 B.C. The Roman leader Octavian defeated the alliance of
Mark Antony and Cleopatra. Octavian, as Augustus Caesar,
became the first Roman emperor. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided. --- Casey Stengel (1890 - 1975) The man who lets himself be bored is even more contemptible than the bore. --- Samuel Butler (1835 - 1902) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ was hunched over the bar, toothpick in hand, spearing futilely at the olive in the drink. A dozen times the olive eluded her. Finally, another patron, who had been watching intently from the next stool, became exasperated and grabbed the toothpick. "Here, this is how you do it." he said, as he easily skewered the olive. "Big Deal," muttered . "I already had him so tired out, he couldn't get away." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms. Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother saying: "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brandon Peckinpaugh, 24, Jefferson County, Kentucky Kentucky burglar steals school bus, leads herd of cops on an Interstate chase. There was an unlikely sight on Birmingham area interstates Monday morning as law enforcement officers from multiple agencies chased a stolen school bus. Brandon Peckinpaugh, 24, of Kentucky, was booked into the Jefferson County Jail shortly before 11 a.m. Monday. He is charged with attempting to elude law enforcement, reckless endangerment and resisting arrest. His bond is set at $15,000. In Blount County, authorities Monday afternoon charged him with five felonies: first-degree theft of property, two counts of unlawful breaking and entering of a vehicle, and two counts of theft of second-degree, theft of property. Authorities there said he broke into two vehicles early Monday, and stole a gun from each. The Alabama Law Enforcement Agency is expected to seek an attempted murder warrant against him for running into a state trooper vehicle. Peckinpaugh told authorities his friends left him, and he needed a ride. It all began about 1 a.m. when authorities say the bus was stolen from the home of a bus driver in Blount County. Blount County Sheriff's Office Operations Manager Tim Kent said the bus was taken during an early-morning spate of burglaries in the Oscar Bradford Road area. Authorities later received a call from a citizen who was following the stolen school bus near Finley Boulevard in Birmingham. That citizen was told to stop following the bus and law enforcement officers were notified. Jefferson County sheriff's Chief Deputy Randy Christian said they came in contact with the bus at 7:40 a.m. after they were notified by the Blount County Sheriff's Office that a school bus had been stolen from their jurisdiction by a white male suspect. No children were on board the bus at the time. At about 8:01 a.m. deputies came into contact with the stolen bus on I-59 southbound at exit 110 and attempted to stop the bus, Christian said. The driver refused to stop and a pursuit ensued. The driver led law enforcement through the McCalla and the Oxmoor Road areas before heading onto I-459 northbound. The driver hit a State Trooper vehicle and attempted to hit several other law enforcement vehicles involved in the pursuit. The school bus was ultimately stopped on Interstate 459 at Acton Road. Christian said the driver threw a handgun out of the school bus window. He was taken into custody without incident. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Michael Re: Spreadsheet IF formula on Outlook Dear Webby, Since you used "<" and ">" instead of < and > for the inequality symbols in your answer to Lisa, the HTML in your email was invalid, and my Outlook didn’t display anything between those two symbols, so the Excel formula and your explanation were garbled. (See your answer below – that’s exactly how it appeared on my computer.) When I looked at your email in a browser, it showed the missing text, but only because the browser is more forgiving of invalid HTML than Outlook is. Dear Michael I had forgotten that Outluck does not seem to honor the PRE command. Sorry about that! OK, here is a version for Outluck: Dear Lisa Yes, sure! You can do just about anything with spreadsheets. Just copy this formula into the top cell in the first column, and then copy it down into every cell of that column. @IF(B1-2<@TODAY,B1,"") B1 will automatically increment, as you copy down. The cells of birthdays that are tomorrow or before will show the date, the ones safely in the future will be blank. If you want more than one day safety margin, use B1-3 or whatever number you want. Since the URGENT date will stay in B1, you might want to add a cleaner: @IF(B1+10>@TODAY,B1,"") That way, if the URGENT date in B1 is 10 days past, it will get cleaned. Have FUN! DearWebby

>From England A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying: "God bless Mummy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa." The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?" The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do." The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this: "God bless Mummy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma." The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say: "God bless Mummy and good-bye Daddy." He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in, and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?" He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life." She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the milkman dropped dead right here in the hallway!."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com By jeri johnson [1 Post, 31 Comments] Best Answer Try soaking the tub over night with a product called "Iron Out" this worked great on a terrible rusty yellow stain left on a tub by our last tenets. Nothing else even budged it. ____________________________________________________
" target="_blank" >https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nLmM9kcBKs"> Angels in Heaven Chris Rodrigues & the Spoon Lady
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: A gent from Chicago was on a fishing vacation up north in the Wisconsin woods. He was out fishing on a lake in a small boat and not having much luck. He noticed a man in another small boat that was close by, open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious the man rowed over and enquired, "What is the mirror for?" "That's my secret way to catch fish," replied the other man. "I Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim up to the surface. Then I just reach down, net them and pull them into the boat." "Wow! Does that really work?" exclaimed the guy from Chicago "You bet it does." was the response. "Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I'll give you $50 for it." offered the big city gent. "Well, okay." said the country guy. After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, "By the way, how many did you catch this week?" The country local, grinned and said, "You're the sixth." ___________________________________________________
Your music is hiding things from you.
___________________________________________________ 1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum. 2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? (A)'65 Ford Fairlane (B)'69 Chevrolet Chevelle (C)'64 Pontiac GTO. 3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product? 4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down? 5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many dogs will be killed? 6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front? 7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler? 8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed acountry-western singer? Added bonus for taking the REDNECK CHALLENGE: Some Southern-style advice that will come in handy down the road apiece. Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Employed by the human-development center of a corporation in the Midwest, a young woman trains employees in proper dress codes and etiquette. One day as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man casually dressed in jeans and a golf shirt got on with her. Thinking of her responsibilities, she scolded, "Dressed a little casually today, aren't we?" The man shrugged, "Yeah, well, that's the fringe benefit I get for owning the company." ____________________________________________________

Today, Sept 2, in 
31 B.C. The Roman leader Octavian defeated the alliance of
Mark Antony and Cleopatra. Octavian, as Augustus Caesar,
became the first Roman emperor. 

1666 The Great Fire of London broke out. The fire burned for
three days destroying 10,000 buildings including St. Paul's
Cathedral. Only 6 people were killed. 

1775 Hannah, the first American war vessel was commissioned
by General George Washington. 

1789 The U.S. Treasury Department was established. 

1864 During the U.S. Civil War Union forces led by Gen.
William T. Sherman occupied Atlanta following the retreat of
the Confederates. 

1901 Theodore Roosevelt, then Vice President, said "Speak
softly and carry a big stick" in a speech at the Minnesota
State Fair. 

1930 The "Question Mark" made the first non-stop flight from
Europe to the U.S. The plane was flown by Captain Dieudonne
Coste and Maurice Bellonte. 

1938 The first railroad car to be equipped with fluorescent
lighting was put into operation on the New York Central
railroad. 

1945 Japan surrendered to the U.S. aboard the USS Missouri,
ending World War II. The war ended six years and one day
after it began. 

1945 Ho Chi Minh declared the independence the Democratic
Republic of Vietnam. 

1961 The U.S.S.R. resumed nuclear weapons testing. Test ban
treaty negotiations had failed with the U.S. and Britain
when the three nations could not agree upon the nature and
frequency of on-site inspections. 

1963 The integration of Tuskegee High School was prevented
by state troopers assigned by Alabama Gov. George Wallace.
Wallace had the building surrounded by state troopers. 

1985 It was announced that the Titanic had been found on
September 1 by a U.S. and French expedition 560 miles off
Newfoundland. The luxury liner had been missing for 73
years. 

1991 The U.S. formally recognized the independence of
Lithuania, Lativa and Estonia. 

1992 The U.S. and Russia agreed to a joint venture to build
a space station. 

1996 Muslim rebels and the Philippine government signed a
pact formally ending 26-years of insurgency that had killed
more than 120,000 people. 

1998 In Canada, pilots for Canada's largest airline launch
their first strike in Air Canada's history. 

2017  smiled.


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Spreadsheet IF formula 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, September 1
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you, James!
Thank you, Sig!


Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Davenport gang member sentenced to federal time 
on gun charge
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 1 in
1939 World War II began when England used Germany's invasion
of Poland as an excuse to interfere with traditional
continental border re-shuffling. Parts of Poland had been
German before WWI, and once even Swiss.
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself. --- Oscar Wilde There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it. --- Cicero, (in De Divinatione) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole. Lena replied, "You yust put 'Ole died.'" The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, "That's it? Just 'Ole died?' Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about Ole. If it's money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more." So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "O.K. You put 'Ole died. Boat for sale.'" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A dog named Sex Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy", I call mine "Sex". He's a great pal but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said,"I'd like one too!" then I said, "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was 9 years old." He winked and said, "You must have been quite a kid." When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said, "You don't need a special room . As long as you pay your bill we don't care what you do." I said, "Look, you don't seem to understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Funny--I have the same problem." One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on TV." He said, "Now that cable is all over the place it's no big deal anymore." When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog, I said,"Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married." The judge said,"This courtroom isn't a confessional. Stick to the case, please." Then I told him that after I was married , Sex left me. He said "That's not unusual. It happens to a lot people." Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I told him that I was looking for Sex. My case comes up Friday. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Eugene Williams Jr., 22, Davenport, Illinois Davenport gang member sentenced to federal time on gun charge A convicted felon who threatened to shoot officers if he was sent to jail, was sentenced to five years and eight months in prison in U.S. District Court on Wednesday, Aug. 30. Eugene Williams Jr., 22, was arrested in August, 2016 after police executed a search warrant for his apartment and vehicle following a tip that he was selling drugs. When his vehicle was searched, officers found a 9 mm handgun, a box of ammunition as well as small amounts of heroin and marijuana. In the course of arrest, according to court documents, Williams threatened to shoot the officers after serving his time. In the arrest affidavit accompanying the 2016 charges, Williams was identified as a member of the Savage Life gang in Davenport. His previous felony convictions came in 2013 for selling cocaine and for an escape in 2014, according to court records. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lisa Re: Spreadsheet IF formula Dear Webby, I use a spreadsheet to keep track of birthdays. I got the dates in the second column, and need a formula to put the date also in the first column, if the date is within one day of today or before. Can that be done? Lisa Dear Lisa I use a spreadsheet to keep track of birthdays. I got the dates in the second column, and need a formula to put the date also in the first column, if the date is within one day of today or before. Can that be done? Lisa Dear Lisa Yes, sure! You can do just about anything with spreadsheets. Just copy this formula into the top cell in the first column, and then copy it down into every cell of that column. @IF(B1-2<@TODAY,B1,"") B1 will automatically increment, as you copy down. The cells of birthdays that are tomorrow or before will show the date, the ones safely in the future will be blank. If you want more than one day safety margin, use B1-3 or whatever number you want. Since the URGENT date will stay in B1, you might want to add a cleaner: @IF(B1+10>@TODAY,B1,"") That way, if the URGENT date in B1 is 10 days past, it will get cleaned. Have FUN! DearWebby

Three priests were in a railroad station on their way home to Pittsburgh. Behind the ticket counter was a very sexy, shapely, well endowed woman wearing a very tight, skimpy sweater. She made the three priests very nervous, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets. The first priest approached the window. "Young lady, I would like three pickets to titsburg." He completely lost his composure and fled. The second priest goes to the window. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in nipples and dimes." Mortified, he too fled. "Morons," the third priest mutters and moves to the window. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And, if you insist on dressing like that, when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger's going to shake his Peter at you." They took the bus.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pickle Juice for Leg Cramps By Jackie [15 Posts, 41 Comments] Drink pickle juice! My husband gets really bad leg cramps and he learned that as soon as he gets them he drinks a little bit of pickle juice and it takes them right away. My brother in law tried it too and it worked for him! ____________________________________________________
" target="_blank" >https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nLmM9kcBKs"> Angels in Heaven Chris Rodrigues & the Spoon Lady
____________________________________________________ A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, ", what's your problem?" answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!" Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took to the principal's office. While waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give a test. If failed to answer any of his questions, was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. was brought in and the conditions were explained and agreed to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" : "9." Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" : "36." And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think can go to the 3rd grade." Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask some questions." The principal and both agreed. Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" , after a moment: "Legs." Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered why would she ask such a question! replied: "Pockets." Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" : "Pants." Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?" : "Coconut." The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open. Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, replied, "Bubble gum." Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" : "Shake hands." The principal was trembling. Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?" : "Firetruck." The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...". ----------------------------- If that joke said: "Put Friend in the fifth-grade, " then you forgot to put your first or nickname into your subscription "First Name or Nickname" slot. The same goes for "First Names or Nicknames" like "Ms Hortensia Parker-Blubbersnoot III", "Wabbit and George", "Maw & Paw", etc. Just hit REPLY and tell me what to correct your "First Name or Nickname" field to. ___________________________________________________
I love libraries! 2017.
___________________________________________________ From Rae Thanks so much for helping me to get things transferred to a new unit. I appreciate your help, pictures, jokes and convenient links in your news letter. I save, then print a lot of the clean jokes to send to elderly people without computers. They enjoy and pass them on to their friends. Thought you'd like to know your humor is really far reaching. Thanks again, Rae
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Kati for this story: When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother. Women are so much smarter than men. ____________________________________________________

Today, Sept 1, in 
1799 The Bank of Manhattan Company opened in New York City,
NY. It was the forerunner of Chase Manhattan. 

1807 Former U.S. Vice President Aaron Burr was found
innocent of treason. 

1810 The first plow with interchangeable parts was patented
by John J. Wood. 

1859 The Pullman sleeping car was placed into service. 

1878 Emma M. Nutt became the first female telephone operator
in the U.S. The company was the Telephone Dispatch Company
of Boston. 

1884 The Thomas A. Edison Construction Department and the
Edison Company for Isolated Lighting merged. 

1887 Emile Berliner filed for a patent for his invention of
the lateral-cut, flat-disk gramophone. It is a device that
is better known as a record player. Thomas Edison made the
idea work. 

1897 The first section of Boston's subway system was opened.


1905 Saskatchewan and Alberta became the ninth and tenth
provinces of Canada. 

1939 World War II began when England used Germany's invasion
of Poland as an excuse to interfere with traditional
continental border re-shuffling. Parts of Poland had been
German before WWI, and once even Swiss.

1942 A federal judge in Sacramento, CA, upheld the wartime
detention of Japanese-Americans as well as Japanese
nationals. 

1945 The U.S. received official word of Japan's formal
surrender that ended World War II. In Japan, it was actually
September 2nd. 

1949 "Martin Kane, Private Eye" debuted on NBC-TV. 

1951 The ANZUS Treaty, a mutual defense pact, was signed by
the U.S., Australia and New Zealand. 

1969 Col. Moammar Gadhafi came into power in Libya after the
government was overthrown. 

1971 Danny Murtaugh (Pittsburgh Pirates) gave his lineup
card to the umpire with the names of nine black baseball
players on it. This was a first for Major League Baseball. 

1972 America’s Bobby Fischer beat Russia’s Boris Spassky to
become world chess champion. The chess match took place in
Reykjavik, Iceland. 

1979 The U.S. Pioneer 11 became the first spacecraft to
visit Saturn. 

1982 Mexican President Jose Lopez Portillo closed all the
country's private banks. 

1985 The Titanic was found by Dr. Robert Ballard and Jean
Louis Michel in a joint U.S. and French expedition. The
wreck site is located 963 miles northeast of New York and
453 miles southeast of the Newfoundland coast. 

1986 Jerry Lewis raised a record $34 million for Muscular
Dystrophy during his annual telethon for Jerry’s kids over
the Labor Day weekend. 

1997 In France, the prosecutor's office announced that the
driver of the car, in which Britain's Princess Diana was
killed, was over the legal alcohol limit. 

1998 The movie "Titanic" went on sale across North America. 

1998 J.K. Rowling's book "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's
Stone" was released in the U.S. This was the first book in
the Harry Potter series. 

1998 Vietnam released 5,000 prisoners, including political
dissidents, on National Day. 

1999 Twenty-two of major league baseball's 68 permanent
umpires were replaced. The problem arose from their union's
failed attempt to force an early start to negotiations for a
new labor contract. 

2017  smiled.


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