How to fix file association problems 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Good Morning, ! Today we backtracked on our route to look at some features in more detail. Across from the Hotel here is the Escalante Gallery, where there isn't just beautiful artwork displayed and sold, but also Tracy and Jan, the proprietors, who have an XP computer! Jan copied the pictures from one camera chip onto a DVD for me, and I finally got to see what kinds of pictures this camera takes. My good ol Canon IS-2S didn't survive the airport security, or maybe the flight, and I wound up having to buy a cheap replacement on the way out of Las Vegas. While Jan did the copying, Tracy told me about interesting places in the area, and even drew me a map. He even told me about some ancient rock drawings near the bridge about 13 miles back and even showed me some pictures he took. It didn't take us long to get to that bridge, and by sheer coincidence a couple of very athletic, young rock climbers happened to be there, preparing to climb up to where the petroglyphs are. So I followed them, and found out rather quickly that my climbing skills and condition had deteriorated somewhat in the 40 years difference in our ages. One of the friendly fellows even gave me a helping hand on a challenging spot, but after that I lagged behind. I made it up about 300 feet above the road and saw the small set of petroglyphs, but started to seriously overheat. So I turned back, and made it safely back to the road just a minute before they got back too. They had gon on to a second set, but according to them, I didn't really miss anything. On the way down I had found some very pretty triglochitaus cacti with fire red blossoms, and took a bunch of pictures of them. On the road up from the canyon bottom I decided to take a picture for an overview showing the terrain where that type of cactus lives. From there nI saw that there nwould have been a much easier and a lot less strenuous route up that cliff. Next time. After that we checked out some sights on the "Hole In The Rock" area and found quite a few more cacti to take pictures of. Wednesday, as you read this, we will be traveling to Bryce Canyon, Panguitch Lake, Brian Head, Cedar Breaks National Monument, Carmel, Zion Park, and Hurricane. I got another 2 Gb camera chip and spare batteries ready in the car. Have FUN! DearWebby
When love is gone, there's always justice. And when justice is gone, there's always force. And when force is gone, there's always Mom. Hi, Mom! --- Laurie Anderson "There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." ---Ben Williams
Several months after a young man is hired, he is called into the personnel director's office. "What is the meaning of this?" the director asks. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years of experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held." "Well," the young man replies, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination, and since it was your accounting department who found out, and not my foreman, I would say that was good enough."
Two highway patrolmen stop a driver for speeding on the state highway in Waxahachie, Texas. As they are writing up the ticket, one trooper turns to the other and asks, "How do you spell Waxahachie?" The other one replies, "I don't know." "What are we going to do?" the first one asks. "If we spell it wrong, the judge will dismiss the charge." "Well," says his partner, "why don't we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Waco?"
Indian Paintbrush on Route 12 in Utah
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a Bonehead in Calgary, Alberta. Sent in by Dianne: Man takes dangerous CTrain ride Calgary Transit is investigating after a dangerous stunt on a moving CTrain. CTrain is Calgary's Light Rapid Transit train. Ctrains are operated by remote control, mostly by computer. There is no staff on board the trains or at the stations. A man was caught on video, by a CTV Calgary viewer, riding on the coupling between two CTrain cars. The video was taken last Thursday and shows the man riding outside the train over the Bow River. At one point he pulls out a bottle of booze and gives fellow passengers the finger. Laura Bevelander took the video and says she called for help using the LRT help box, as well as dialing 911. Calgary transit says it received her messages and dispatched police. The man hopped off the train at the next station and stood on the platform. By the time officers got to the station the man was no longer there. Officers are still trying to track him down. According to Calgary bylaws, the man could be charged with a penalty of up to $2,000. Calgary Transit officials say they will be meeting with police on Wednesday and will forward the case onto them. If the man is found, he could face criminal mischief charges which come with a penalty of six-months in prison and/or a $2,000 fine.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jaye re: File Association problem Dear Webby Windows has the following information about this file type. This page will help you find software needed to open your file. File Type: Unknown Description: Windows does not recognize this file type. UT-12Tour. Now what?": Jaye Dear Jaye first download Google Earth from http://earth.google.com and install it. Then, when Windows plays stupid, and acts like it does not know what to do with a kmz file, hit the browse button on that screen and select Google Earth, and tell it to always use that program for that type of file. KMZ files have been around for a long time, but Windows acts like they are something new. By the way, it would be a very good idea, if you went into the File Explorer, Tools, Folder Options, View, and put a checkmark on showing file extensions at all times. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two young men are speculating on how long they might live, and one says he thinks he has a long life ahead of him. "After all," he says, "my grandfather lived to be 96." "Ninety-six? What finally got him?" the other man asks. "Liquor and women." "Well, that just goes to show you," snickers the friend, "both will get you in the end." "Well actually, no, it's not what you think," says the first man. "Toward the end, Grandpa couldn't get either one, so he just laid down and died."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Label Reusable Containers With Dry Erase Markers I buy most of my dry goods in bulk and store them in the pantry in re-used glass or plastic containers. Rather than labeling the containers with tape which sometimes leaves the sticky residue, I use erasable markers (vis-a-vis), the kind that wipe off with water. We use the same markers on the wipe-off calendar to keep up with the family schedule. I write on the side of the container what it is, and the basic directions, and the date. Several items appear the same, and the kids can easily tell the difference now between flour and pancake mix. The marker will smudge if handled with wet hands, but when that happens I just re-write it. By jwheeler from Stockton, IA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Late one night in Washington, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money!" he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this. I'm a United States Congressman!" "In that case," replied the robber, "give me MY money!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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"Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have bad news," the doctor told his anxious patient. "You only have six months to live." The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes. Regaining his composure, he apologetically told his physician that he had no medical insurance. "I can't possibly pay you in that time." "Okay," the doctor said, "let's make it nine months."

» Cactus Rally 2010
(Dianne is on vacation)
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Google earth tour speed control 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Good Morning, ! It appears that some of you like my travel reports enough to write and comment, but that enough others don't like them taking space away from the jokes, so that the votes dropped quite noticeably. Actually, I had expected the opposite, that personal content would improve the voting. Well, live and learn. I'll keep this part short. Today we traveled from Torrey, Utah to Escalante. According to a sign, Highway UT12 was built as a make-work project from 1933 to 1935, with a lot of sweat and a lot of dynamite. Nowadays it would take longer than that just to get the Environmental Impact Studies done, and those alone would cost ten times more than the one Million Dollars that UT12 cost. It is an awesome road! If you looked at UT-12 Tour and clicked on Play Tour half way down the left menu, then you know how awesome it is. Especially the "Devil's Backbone" area had us stopping to take pictures often more than twice in the same mile. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Sandie for this one: As she was about to leave the house for her new job, she thought it would be fun if he picked her up at work and they could go out to dinner. She put a note on their dining room table that said, "For a good time, call..." and she put her new work number. When her husband failed to call, she took the bus home. "Where were you?" she asked. "Didn't you get my note?" "Oh," he replied with a sheepish grin, "I wasn't sure who wrote it."
Bert's wife enrolled Molly, her lovable but dumb cocker spaniel, in a ten-week obedience class. At the end of the term Molly had made little progress. She re-enrolled her, but at the end of the second course Molly was still noticeably behind her canine classmates. The instructor, perhaps determined to succeed with that dog, offered to let her repeat the course for the third time at no charge. That evening Bert heard his wife on the phone with her mother. "Guess what?" she said. "Molly was the only dog in her class to get a scholarship!"
Thanks to Sue for this picture: Song Sparrow in the rain
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 47 year old Bonehead in Calgary, Alberta. Calgary man nearly electrocuted A 47-year-old Calgary man is in critical condition after nearly being electrocuted near Strathmore. The man was severely jolted while trying to retrieve a model rocket from a high-volotage power line at a rural property northwest of Strathmore at about 10 a.m. Sunday. RCMP say the man was on a metal ladder and used a metal pole to dislodge the rocket from the power line. After the massive jolt, he plunged about eight metres (25 feet) to the ground. Bystanders performed CPR until EMS arrived. The man was transported to Strathmore Hospital where he was picked up by STARS Air Ambulance and transported to Foothills Medical Centre in Calgary where he remains in critical condition. A second man was also injured. He was treated at Strathmore Hospital and released.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Angela re: Google Earth Tour Dear Webby I have been on a LOT of bus tours, trying to make sure that my ungratefrul heirs won't be burdened with any undeserved funds, -and I am still working on that project-, but I have NEVER been on any tour, on which I saw a tenth of the scenery, that I saw on your tours. The only part, that I don't like is the high speed. Driving that fast is rather nerve-wracking for me. Do you really have to drive THAT fast? Is there a way to watch the tour in slow motion, like the instant replays in sports? Thanks Angela Dear Angela Those tours are not real movies of me driving. They are just a computer simulation, and you can adjust the speed. I set the speed quite high, so that people can watch it during a coffee break. You can adjust the speed to whatever is most comfortable for you. Just click on Tools, Options, Touring, and slide the control for speed to the left. A fringe benefit of that is that a slower driving speed gives the computer time to show more landscape details. For those of you, who just saw a route line and no movie of flying the route, go half way down the side menu on Google Earth, and look for a button with 3 little squares or a movie camera on it. If you hover over that, it says: "Play Tour". Hit that! Here is the link again: UT-12 Save that and run it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Roland for this story: As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast feed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing. After mulling over my answers, she remarked, 'My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them.'
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Second Hand Smoke Hurts Pets I was recently hospitalized when I couldn't breathe because of what began as a bad cold. Not surprisingly, after being a life long smoker, I was diagnosed with COPD (Acute Bronchitis). Needless to say an oxygen saturation count of 84 was enough for me to finally give up those cigarettes for good, but it also has made me think about the effects my unhealthy habit has had on others in my life. Thankfully, I have not smoked inside my home for over a decade and this new alert from the ASPCA makes me even more thankful for that, because my seven year old indoor cat Rachel had serious lung problems already when I rescued her as a kitten. Please read this alert! And it's not only the second hand smoke you need to consider when it comes to the health of your loved ones and your beloved pets: * Secondhand Smoke: Silent Killer Hurts Pets, Too By Deeli from Richland, WAhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

His wife's graveside service was just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Sounds like she's been told!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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During class, the chemistry professor was demonstrating the properties of various acids. "Now I'm dropping this silver coin into this glass of acid. Will it dissolve?" "No, sir," a student called out. "No?" queried the professor. "Perhaps you can explain why the silver coin won't dissolve." "Well, Professor Mc Scottish, if it would, you would have asked for MY coin for the experiment !"

» Cactus Rally 2010
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Configuring Google Earth for a tour 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, May 3, 2010

Good Morning, ! Sunday morning greeted us with snow and very uncomfortable wind. So we decided on a day of rest and catching up on email. Yesterday, I didn't mean to pooh-pooh Monument Valley. Those majestic spires are definitely very unique and very interesting sights. That is why Millions of people come from all over the world to look up at them and shiver in awe, and to take memories and pictures home. Those lonely spires only pale, when you drive SR95. There you see forests of multi-colored rock spires, from ochre to black, from apricot to orange to dark wine colored, and often many colors in contrasting bands. Some of the craggy spires have countless round holes of different sizes. The holes are from once living things that died, sunk into the mud to the bottom of the ocean and eventually turned to oil and gas, while the mud turned to stone. It is anybody's guess whether the holes were once filled by an ocean dweller, or by something washed into the ocean by a river. The high incidence of holes in some areas, and total absence in others, definitely makes me think that the areas with lots of holes were once a river estuary or delta, where dead land animals flushed towards the ocean by a flood Millions of years ago, have sunk into the mud. All those spires and craggy, steep and colorful mountains and canyons are totally awesome, and well worth a trip. If you can't get there, here is a Google Earth tour of it: SR95, save, then run ( You need Google Earth installed to run that tour. ) Keep in mind that Google Earth smoothes the details of steep mountains and canyons, no matter how rugged and craggy they are, to be able to show a fast tour on even an old computer. It will still be an awesome trip! Have FUN! DearWebby
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. --- Charlie McCarthy Lazyness is the mother of invention, not necessity. --- Socratex
An airport ticketing agent was working at the counter and began asking a passenger the required security questions. "Have you received any objects from an unknown person to carry aboard the airplane today?" "No," said the woman. "Did you pack your own suitcase?" she inquired, pointing to the traveler's rolling carry- on bag. "Yes," she answered. "Has your bag been under your control since you've been in the airport?" "Well, no, not exactly," the passenger said with a sigh. "The silly thing keeps either trying to go every which way, or else it's trying to trip me. I feel like I am under IT's control."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Steven Simmons, 49, in Marion, Florida VERY Bad Example: Teacher caught stealing from student's lockers Students sick of getting their lockers broken into and having their money disappear set up a cell phone camera to hopefully catch the crook in the act. Deputies said the video showed the crook was Steven Simmons, 49, their PE teacher. It's news that spread quickly at North Marion High School. “There's videos going around and forwarded messages of his mug shot, and it's crazy,” said Shelby Revels, a North Marion High student. Deputies said at first Simmons denied going into the lockers. However, when confronted with the video, they said he confessed to stealing money from students for years. This year, it totaled around $400. “When you think about it, like, he does have a job,” Revels said. “He can work for his money. Why would he steal it, especially from the school he works at. I just think that's insane.” A spokesman for Marion County Schools said Simmons has nothing negative in his employee file after working in the school district for 25 years, which makes this all the more surprising to those who know him. Deputies said after years of thefts and no other suspects, the video played a key role. “It wasn't until a student set up this video and actually caught the teacher doing it and he was able to say look you can clearly see it's the Physical Education teacher,” said Jenifer Lowe, a spokeswoman for the Marion County Sheriff’s Office. A school spokesman said it's possible the student who recorded the cell phone video will get in trouble as well, because students are not supposed to use their phones during the day. School officials said they are not allowed to record video in locker rooms because of privacy. There is no word on what the repercussions for the student will be. --- I have a hunch that they will have a major discipline problem and quite possibly some major vandalism, if they punish that student.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Maia re: Google Earth Dear Webby I downloaded Google Earth, but the whole thing is a bit intimidating. How do you set all those parameters for a tour? I am afraid I will mess it up for good. Can you 'splain it in simple terms? Thanks Maia Dear Maia Don't worry, you can always restore the defaults. There is a button for that at the left bottom corner in TOOLS, OPTIONS in Google Earth. If you download and save the tour file, that I mention at the top, it will set the parameters for you. If you want to set them for a tour of your own, set the camera angle to 80 degrees, the distance to 1000 Meters / 3000 feet and the speed about half way. You can always increase the speed, if your computer can handle it, without smoothing and glossing over too many details. In the 3D part in the options, set the height exaggeration to 2:1. At a camera angle like 80 degrees, that gives you the best results. While you are reading this, I will be driving UT-12 Save that and run it. Have FUN! DearWebby
In a cafeteria : "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria." and hand written underneath: "Sandals can eat any place they want."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Your Bread Bag Ties no new tip at http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

There are only two things a child will share willingly: communicable diseases and his mother's age. --- We spend the first six years teaching our children to walk and talk, and the next fifteen years telling them to sit down and be quiet.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Bernie's mom admitted to being a less than fastidious housekeeper. One evening dad returned home from work, walked into the kitchen and said, "You know, dear, I can write my name in the dust on the mantel." Mom turned to him and sweetly replied, "Well, darling, that's a pretty good start! I'm sure with some patient practising you could even learn to dust it!"

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Norton Adware after UN-installing Norton 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, May 2, 2010

Good Morning, ! Today we headed north from Holbrook to ganado, Chinle, and Many Farms. There we took Indian Road 59 as a shortcut to Kayenta. It is an unknown and largely ignored road, but has good pavement and great scenery. After gassing up in Kayenta we headed north into Utah and Monument Valley. Still looks the same as last time we had clear weather there for taking pictures, but we did detour in to Goulding for lunch. Then we passed all the slow gawkers, and made good progress on Highway 163 and 261 up to Blanding. Don`t look for ANY signs or mention of SR95. Just drive to Blanding. At the southern end of the village is an inconspicuous sign that finally acknowledges that SR95 exists, and that it goes off to the left. State Route 95 apparently is a secret. It has excellent pavement, and truly AWESOME scenery. Monument Valley and Valley Of The Gods are nice, but rather boring by comparison. Keep going afterwards to Torrey, Utah, and you have 175 miles of scenery overload. The road is wide and the curves are gentle. You can take anybody along on that road. SR95 has just become my most scenic road today. I will most definitely drive it again. To get a rough idea of that road, fly it with Google Earth! First do DIRECTIONS, from Blanding, UT to Torrey, UT. Set the options for a camera angle of 85 degrees, your altitude to 250 meters or 750 feet, and the speed to SLOW. The faster you fly, the more Google Earth will round things off. It will still look like everything is smoothed with a thick layer of ice on your helicopter window, but you will get a good idea of the terrain. Have FUN! DearWebby
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. "All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."
Two women are discussing marriage, and one says, "We've been married 10 years, and every night my husband has complained about dinner. Not one night without complaining about the food." "That's awful," the other woman says. "That must really bother you." "No, not in the slightest," says the first one. "You must be a saint," her friend says. "Why should I object?" the first one says. "A lot of people don't like their own cooking."
SR95, not my picture. My camera is still sandbagged by W7.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jayson Stevenson, Rico Razaly, Dennis Heinz and some other hockey coaches from Cobourg Ontario. Bad Example Hockey brawls aren’t news. When they’re in a bar, that makes them a little more interesting. When they’re in a bar and they involve the DADS of the players….who are also the coaches… now you’re talking. So we’re pleased to bring you an update on the boozy battle at the bar at the Holiday Inn Grand Island. But first…let’s refresh your memory. Erie County sheriff’s deputies were called to the bar last December. When they arrived they were….and this is a direct quote from their press release… “met by a bar full of belligerent, obnoxious, intoxicated Ontario men”. Which kind of sums up most Ontario men….but that’s another story. The Canadians were in town for a youth hockey tournament. Deputies say they were attacked the minute they entered the bar….so they called for backup. That led to a bunch of American cops and a bunch of Canadian hockey dads pretty much re-enacting the War of 1812 (ironically, in the same area where the War of 1812 was actually fought). Oh yeah….one of the Canadians also pulled his pants down. So after the ruckus, three men from Cobourg Ontario were arrested. The rest apparently got away. They were in Grand Island Town Court last night. Jayson Stevenson pleaded guilty to a reduced charge of attempted obstructing governmental administration….had every other charge dismissed…and paid a little over $700 in fines. Rico Razaly was told if he stays out of trouble for six months, his case will be dismissed. Dennis Heinz had his case adjourned till May 12th. Stevenson and Heinz, by the way, both resigned their positions as youth hockey coaches….you know, the whole “setting a bad example for the kids” thing. But if they ever make “Slap Shot 4”, these guys should be first in line for a consulting job.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jean re: Norton nagger after un-install I've uninstalled Norton, and used your Norton Removal Tool to get rid of it, but the Norton Online Backup Window keeps coming up when I start the computer! I'm using Windows 7 knowing I should have gotten XP, but live and learn. Any help in getting rid of it would be appreciated Thanks, Jean Dear Jean Is that ad-ware put onto your machine by some sleazy seller of the machine? Screech a temper tantrum at the obnoxious crooks, and tell them you paid for your machine and that you won't tolerate that the W7 lemon, that they conned you into, is being used to earn commissions for a bunch of two-bit con artists. Demand that they tell you instantly how to get their obnoxious ad-ware off the machine. Have FUN! DearWebby
Good jokes always come back. Here is an Oldie Goldie that came back to me today: What would Bible characters drive? One theory is that God would tool around in an old Plymouth because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury." But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm." Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills." Joshua also drove a Triumph, but with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land." Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..." Thus following their Master's lead, the Apostles car-pooled in a Honda ...."All the Apostles were in one Accord."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Your Bread Bag Ties Do not throw away your bread ties from the bread bags. I reuse them for opened frozen veggies, or anything that I open that needs a tie. Keep a stash in your kitchen drawer, you will be amazed how handy they become. By Justin from Yakima, WA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, "Just wait."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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One day a salesman stopped by the Jammer Jones farm, knocked, and Jammer's wife Frannie came to the door. "Is your husband home, Ma'am?" he asked. "Sure is. He's over to the cow barn." "Well, I got something to show him, Ma'am. Will I have any difficulty finding him?" "Shouldn't have any difficulties... He's the one without horns."

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How do I reclaim space used by Windows Live OneCare Backup 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, May 1, 2010

Good Morning, ! Today we headed north from Willcox, AZ, via Safford. The part after Safford is a bit confusing, since it looks like a 2-bit country road at first, but eventually 191 turns into quite a decent highway. Next town is Clifton, a cute old mining town, and Morenci a truly awesome, world class copper mine. From Morenci straight north to Alpine is a hundred miles of pure fun for a curve carving, tire squealing adrenalin junkie, but probably sheer terror for timid drivers, and even worse for their passengers. When you see signs saying 15 MPH Motorcycles use extreme caution! then you know that hairpin is going to be a noisy squealer, and most likely followed by another squealer in the opposite direction. Needless to say, there are no trucks on that road, and very few cars. However, the pavement is excellent, and the scenery superb. This was my second, but by no means last time I drove that road. That road dipps into some valleys but is mostly up high, and some areas still had deep snow beside the road. Glow-bull warming is definitely over for this cycle. Also saw a bunch of white-tail deer beside the road. They kept a safe distance when I stopped and backed up to take pictures, but they didn't bolt into the forest. Past Alpine there was Blue Vista, a view point definitely worth stopping for. You look down over lower mountains and the foothills and the rolling prairies, and the view most definitely has a distinctly blue tinge. After we got down to lower altitudes, it was mostly just rolling prairies and fast, empty roads all the way to Holbrook. Have FUN! DearWebby
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office. --- Robert Frost It is a far, far better thing to have a firm anchor in nonsense than to put out on the troubled sea of thought. --- John Kenneth Galbraith
Little Johnny was reading from a Hans Christian Anderson book. "Miss Figpot?" Little Johnny asked, "Does m-i- r-a-g-e spell marriage?" "No Johnny," sighed the teacher. "But it should."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Travis E. Conner III, 18 in Chicago Man charged after police track him through GPS in stolen taxi CHICAGO (STMW) -- A man is charged with robbery and aggravated vehicular hijacking after police found him at a gas station through the GPS in a stolen taxi cab. Travis E. Conner III, 18, of the 2900 block of West Fulton Street, is charged with one count of robbery and aggravated vehicular hijacking, according to a release from police News Affairs. Conner allegedly forced a taxi cab driver out of his taxi at gun point about 3:30 a.m. Sunday, the release said. He dropped his cell phone at the scene before fleeing in the cab, which is equipped with a Global Positioning System. Using the GPS, police found Conner at a gas station in the 6300 block of North Central Avenue, the release said. He was identified and a semi-automatic handgun was recovered. Conner is scheduled for a bond hearing Monday, the release said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Glenn re: How do I reclaim space used by Windows Live OneCare Backup Hi, Webby, thank you so much for all of your helpful insights into computer (usually) malfunctions. For several years I used Windows Live One Care, till a virus wiped it out. So of course now it doesn't work. I can't use any of the Microsoft programs to restore the backups I made with Windows Live "Screw Up". Nor can I delete the *** gigabytes of external hard disk space used by that useless backup program. I had to do the format recovery to save the hard disk, but have lost everything I saved on the computer. No backup with Windows. How do I remove all the read only memory protected files of Live One "Don't Care" on that external hard disk? Thanks, Glenn Dear Glenn I am not familiar with Windows Live One Care, and considering the reputation it has, I don't plan to become familiar with it. If you don't have other, good stuff on that drive, you can format it. However, if you just want to get rid of certain parts of it, you can go to that drive with the DOS command line and change the file attributes. Let's assume that drive is drive E: START RUN cmd e: attrib -R -A -S -H E:\*.* /D then you should be able to delete that folder, and with any luck subdirectories inside that folder. You may have to repeat that for subdirectories. Quite possibly One Care also set the back-up folder as a network folder, as if it was across a LAN network, instead of on the second drive or on the end of a USB cable, and took ownership of that fake networked drive, just as if that drive was on your Mother-In-Law`s computer at the other end of the house, and she was the only one with access to it. Find that back-up folder and select it. In the right click menu, select Sharing and Security. When the Sharing and Security tab of the Properties dialog comes up, place a check mark in the middle section - "Share this folder on the network." Give the Share a name in the box for "Share Name". And place a check mark in "allow network users to change files." If necessary, change the attributes again after you set the network permissions. Have FUN! DearWebby
Delta Airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips.Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Responses are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Dawn Dish Soap as a Stain Remover I had a cat go on the carpet in my boy's bedroom. I was out of carpet cleaner, so I got an old tea towel. I made it wet with hot water and put Dawn dish soap on it. The stain came out and then I tried it on other stains in the room that I had already tried all kinds of cleaning products on that had never came out. The stains were gone and the carpet looks new again. I am going to use Dawn dish soap on all my carpet spills, and stains. With 3 kids, a dog and 2 cats I will always be needing it. By Kristie from Glen Rock, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Jack's grandfather left him $10 million, and the next week Diane agreed to marry him. After three months of married life, Jack noticed that his beautiful new wife was ignoring him more and more. On the rare occasion that she would go to bed with him she would be indifferent, or even worse, called out other men's names! Whenever they went out in public, she ignored him and flirted with other men. Finally, he decided to confront her. "Diane," he said, "the only reason you married me was because my grandfather left me $10 million when he died." "Don't be ridiculous," she replied, "I don't care who gave you the money!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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When his eyes began to give him trouble, a man went to a ophthalmologist in Prague. The doctor showed the patient the eye chart, displaying the letters CVKPNWXSCZ. "Can you read that?" the doctor asked. "Can I read it?" the Czech replied. "I dated his sister!"

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Can't read filled SD camera memory with Windows 7 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, April 29, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Good Morning, ! Today we drove another of my favorite roads, from Prescott, Arizona, via Highway 89 A through Prescott National Forest over the mountains to Sedona. It is not a fast road, but very scenic and very curvy. Coming down from the pass it goes through Jerome. My friend Jerome at spiritscents.com, the best expert for converting Windows7 and Vista to XP, claims it was NOT named after him, but I tell him that it was named in his honor. Jerome is an old silver mining town pasted onto a steep mountain and quite a sight. Then we drove east to the mountains past Camp Verde, where we know of some cacti that grow in two very different variations at the same location. Normally, differences as drastic as that occur at locations a thousand miles apart, yet, there they are within a few feet from each other. It's a mystery we have not solved yet. Then heading south we saw snow beside the road above Strawberry. No glow-bull warming there at all! At Jakes Corner we took Hwy 87 towards Mesa, because the weather in that direction was better. It is a fast and very well made mountain freeway and a real pleasure to drive. Beautiful mountainous desert in full bloom right now. Turned back before geting to Mesa and went down Highway 188 along Roosevelt Lake to Globe. Because of the time spent on Highway 87, we decided to take a shortcut to Safford and Willcox instead of the long way via Highway 77 through Mammoth. We'll try that next time. By the time we got to Willcox it was quite dark. Found out the hard way that the Super8 Hotel there blocks out-going email. The desk clerk had no clue and there was no support number. Nothing on the Super8 site either. Luckily I have direct access to my servers and can send this out directly. If you plan to send emails during a trip, check that out beforehand, or establish a gmail address beforehand and get your friends to whitelist that address. Have FUN! DearWebby
Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!" "Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think it is. Every marriage has to have its first fight!" "I know, I know!" said Joanna, "but what am I going to do with the BODY?"
One day my mother, father, younger sister and I were traveling in the car. My sister turned to me and asked, "What does horny mean?" Being 12 years older then she was I did my best to explain what horny meant in a 10 year olds world. My mother and father helped between snickers. After explaining the best we could I asked her where she heard the word horny. Very seriously she explained, Well, in science the other day we were talking about what animals we will learn about next week, an one of the is the Horny Toad!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Obama Obama bans US flag in Haiti http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2010 ... flap_N.htm Following the devastating earthquake in Haiti , the United States rushed in to help - with money, medicine, and manpower. To date, we've already given over $179 million in humanitarian aid... but Barack Obama has just ordered all U.S. installations to take down their American flags, lest we be seen as an "occupying army" rather than "international partners." It is patently appalling that a president of the United States would consider our flag to be a symbol of militaristic takeovers and colonialism, especially when serving (to a greater degree than any other nation on Earth) a humanitarian purpose. Additionally, who would think we'd want to occupy Haiti ?! The US has in the past interceded in Haiti, and told unpopular and ineffective dictators to get lost, but never occupied Haiti. The current show of flags by all the countries helping out is no more hostile than showing flags at a trade fair or sporting event. No other country giving aid in Haiti has lowered its flag. But then again, no other country has a leader who is offended by their own flag.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Me re: Read SD data chips with Windows 7 No useful tips came in today about reading SD camera chips on Blonde Windows. Yes, I know it SHOULD work, since it works fine on XP and Vista. Unfortunately W7 wants to format standard 2 GB chips, instead of reading them, if they have been used by cameras. So far the best recommendation is to format the computer and put Linux or XP on it.
Somewhat skeptical of his son's newfound determination to become Charles Atlas, the father nevertheless followed the teenager over to the weight-lifting department, admiring a set of weights. "Please, Dad," pleaded the boy, "I promise I'll use 'em every day." "I don't know, Michael. It's really a big commitment on your part," the father pointed out. "Please, Dad?" the boy continued. "They're not cheap either," the father came back. "I'll use 'em Dad, I promise. You'll see." Finally won over, the father paid for the equipment and headed for the door. From the corner of the store he heard his son yelp, "Wait! You mean I have to carry them to the car?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No new tip today at http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

One day, two guys decide to take a drive to a local grocery store to get some lunch. On the way to the store they ran into an intersection with a stoplight. The light showed red. The man driving went right through the red light. The passenger looked at the driver and screamed, "What the heck are you doing? You're going to get us killed!" The driver responded, "Don't worry, my mother always drives like this." So later on, the two guys came to another stoplight - and that too was red. The driver sped right through the light. Again the passenger looked at the driver and said, "I thought I told you, you're gonna get us killed! Would you please stop this nonsense!" The driver looked at the passenger and responded, "All right! I get it! But I told you my mother drives like this all the time!" Again, the two guys came to another light. This time it was green. The Driver slammed on his brakes and stopped the car totally. "What the heck are you doing?" The passenger screamed, "This is the third time you almost got us killed. Why did you stop at a green light?" "Because my mother might be coming the other way!" the Driver replied.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Two guys were doing construction on a house. The guy who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail, and then either toss it over his shoulder or nail it into the siding. The other guy saw him tossing all the nails over his shoulder and asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?" The first guy said, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed towards me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it into the siding." The second guy was outraged. He yelled, "You idiot! The nails pointed towards you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"

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Can you read standard SD chips with Windows 7 ? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, April 29, 2010

If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong. --- Mo Udall I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. --- G. K. Chesterton Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. --- Mark Twain
Good Morning, ! Did the emails while dad went for breakfast, and was able to leave Las Vegas just after morning rush-hours. Gained more time yet by sneaking out via Eastern Avenue. The Hoover Dam bridge looks quite impressive now. One section still needs decking, and the side rails still have to be completed. However, it probably won't be opened for this summer traffic. The approaches on the Arizona side won't be ready. The work on the bridge progressed a lot faster than they expected. I can't show you the pictures I took, because Blonde Windoze still can't read camera chips without wanting to format the chip and destroying the pictures. Yes, I got stuck with a W7 machine for this trip, because my laptop expired two days before the trip and I had no time to get an XP laptop. No, I am not the least bit impressed with Blonde Windoze. It may be cutesy, but it is not good enough for somebody, who expects everything to work and to get some work done in a hurry. Possibly I find a patch or utility, that will let me read the camera chip, but unless I do, you will have to wait until I get to an XP machine. The highway in Arizona was smooth and fast with little traffic. Just south-east of Wikiup is the turn-off to one of my favorite roads, Highway 97 to Bagdad. I can't resist that. It is a beautifully paved roller coaster laid into the hills without moving much dirt. They just laid it out for maximum fun and paved it. I sincerely hope that they never straighten or level that road! Just past Bagdad is the big Phelps Dodge copper mine, one of the biggest in the world. Have a look at it with Google Earth: Bagdad, AZ It is huge and very colorful. A few miles northeast of the mine we had found some Buoflama cacti many years ago. They are nearly extinct, so we go check up on them and re-plant those, that have been knocked loose by animals or the February rains. They were doing fine, and one, that I had re-planted last year, had two flowers on it. After that we took Highway 96 to Prescott and got there half an hour before sunset. Sure had a lot of email waiting for me! Have FUN! DearWebby
A lady dropped her handbag in the bustle of weekend shopping. An honest, little boy noticed her drop the handbag, so he picked it up and returned it to her. The lady looked into her handbag and commented, "Hmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a purse, the owner didn't have any change for a reward."
Thanks to Chuck for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Samuel Collins, 28, of Fort Lauderdale, FL Man tries to wash down marijuana with double cheeseburger NEW PORT RICHEY — When a Pasco sheriff's deputy approached the window of Samuel Collins' Honda Del Sol about 2:30 a.m. Saturday, Collins had a baggy of marijuana in his mouth, the deputy reported. But that was just the appetizer. To swallow the baggy, Collins, 28, grabbed a double cheeseburger with both hands and began "shoving the burger into his mouth," according to the report. The deputy, who stopped Collins off U.S. 19 and State Road 54 after seeing a McDonald's bag fly out his window, yelled for Collins to spit it out. Yet Collins continued to chew and swallow, the report states, until the deputy grabbed him by his left arm and pulled him to the ground. Collins spit out the baggy and a small clear wrapper of marijuana, and the deputy found a joint on the passenger seat, the report states. Collins, who showed signs of drug and alcohol use, said he was sorry for trying to swallow the "weed" and told deputies he had a suspended license and was afraid of being arrested, the report states. Collins was charged with marijuana possession, tampering with evidence and driving without a license. Collins, a Fort Lauderdale native, paid his bond and was released from the Land O'Lakes jail Sunday. He was last arrested New Year's Day for failing to appear on a marijuana possession charge, records show.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Me re: Read SD data chips with Windows 7 I am trying to read the pictures on an SD data chip, and copy them to a Windows 7 computer, just like I have done for over a dozen years with Windows98 and XP computers. Windows 7 wants to format the SD chip and destroy the pictures. Is there a patch or utility that allows Blonde Windows to read standard SD data chips from normal cameras? ?????????

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Starting a Garden Journal Start a vegetable garden journal now, so you can begin planning for next year. Use a notebook of any sort and notate things you think would be helpful in future planning. These are the things I'm including in mine: * Dollars spent on seeds, fertilizer, soil and such. * Names of the seeds planted, date planted, and dates of first harvest. * Cost of vegetable plants to track savings from starting from seed. At $3.50 per plant versus $1 per seed packet, I saved $96.This will motivate me to start seeds on time. * Names and types of fertilizers along with how often applied. * Number of each vegetable planted. * Map of garden so I'll remember what was planted where. * General notations about diseases, problems, what worked and what didn't. * Log the weight of the produce as it comes in to track real grocery store savings. Happy gardening! By Tracey from Jacksonville, FL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The teacher advised the class to start the day with the Pledge of Allegiance, and instructed them to put their right hands over their hearts and repeat after him. He looked around the room as he started the recitation, "I pledge allegiance to the flag..." When his eyes fell on Little Johnny, he noticed his hand over the right cheek of his buttocks. "Little Johnny, I will not continue till you put your hand over your heart." Little Johnny replied, "It is over my heart." After several attempts to get Little Johnny to put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked, "Why do you think that is your heart?" "Because, every time my Grandma comes to visit, she picks me up, pats me here, and says, 'Bless your little heart,' and my Grandma wouldn't lie."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit. Her seven-year-old daughter was watching as she held up a huge pair of slacks. "Wow," the lady said, "I must have worn these when I was a hundred and eighty." Her daughter looked puzzled and asked, "How old are you now?"

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Not all mice have drivers for tilt wheel 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, April 28, 2010

"The best rule of friendship is to keep your heart a little softer than your head." --- Socratex "There are well-dressed foolish ideas just as there are well- dressed fools." --- Nicolas Chamfort No one appreciates the value of constructive criticism more thoroughly than the one who's giving it. --- Hal Chadwick
I'm in Las Vegas, and by the time you read this, I will be on the highway, heading down to Arizona. The flight here was fine, and the pilot even made a little detour to show us a close-up of the new Hoover Dam bridge. It is not officially open yet. There were still people on it working on railings and things like that, but it is substantially completed. It looks like the grand opening could be before the end of the school year and the big summer traffic. Before the flight, though, there were a lot of very unhappy people. To help the US to cope with tourists from Canada, and also with Americans returning from Canada, Calgary built a huge US Customs facility right into the airport about 9 years ago, in line with the security check section. The customs facility has booths for 14 US customs officers, to check if anybody is smuggling Canadina Maple Syrup or Canadian Bacon into the US. There are 12 for passengers and two for crew. They had four (4) customs officers there, and they were in a friendly, chatty mood, taking their sweet time. People were freaking out, and stewardesses from held up planes were coming back, picking out their passengers and dragging them through the crew lanes. Especially American travelers were getting quite uptight at what seemed a deliberate slow-down. I have no idea whether the slow-down and work-to-rule effort was a union issue or politically motivated, but the slow shuffle through the half mile US style serpentine sure made a lot of people very unhappy. Security after that was a breeze. The all Taliban or Pakistani crews were not fazed a bit by the rivets on my jeans and whatever causing more beeps than you would expect from a fully armed Marine, but it gave the girl an excuse to grope a bit. Now I know where to stash stuff, if I ever want to do any serious smuggling. But they were fast. All security lanes, including those in the alternate route, were fully staffed and there were none of the usual line-ups in the security area at all, except a few people queueing AFTER Security for the chairs to sit on for putting shoes and boots back on. I made it to my plane on time, and was not the last at all. We took off a bit late, but as is usual with WestJet, we arrived 15 minutes early for the traditional race to the smoking area outside the terminal. No, I didn't win it this time, but I was in the top 10. Have FUN! DearWebby
An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what is wrong." "Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor, "Do you drink much?" "Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaler. Never touch a drop." "How about smoking?" asked the doctor. "Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it." "Well, uh." asked the doctor, "do you have much sex life?" "Oh, no," said the man. "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by 10:30 every night and I always have been." The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked, "Well, do you have pains in your head?" "Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head." "O.K.," said the doctor. "That's your trouble. Your halo is on too tight!!
Thanks to Chuck for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charles Byrd, 23 and Timothy Donahue, 25, of Sugar Hill, Georgia DUI chase leads to marijuana grow house A fleeing DUI suspect led police on Saturday to his Gwinnett County marijuana grow house, authorities said. Thanks to the man's apparently drunken flight, police were able to arrest two people while confiscating pot worth more than $327,000, police said Monday. The fleeing suspect, 23-year-old Charles Byrd of Sugar Hill, was charged with driving under the influence and possession of marijuana with the intent to sell, among other things. Timothy Donahue, 25, was found hiding at the house, and also received a drug-selling charge. Around 10:17 p.m., a DUI task force officer tried to stop a green Chrysler Sebring after seeing the car break several traffic laws, police said. Rather than pull over for the officer, however, the driver -- Byrd -- leaped from the car and ran to a nearby home in the 5000 block of Cumming Highway in an unincorporated area of Gwinnett near Buford, Gwinnett police spokesman Brian Kelly said. When Byrd ran into the house and locked the door, more police were called to the scene. After surrounding the home, police approached, and Byrd soon emerged from inside. Out from behind the man crept a strong smell of pot, police noticed. So he was arrested. While dealing with Byrd, officers found Donahue hidden inside the house, Kelly said. After obtaining a search warrant, police found and seized 69 marijuana plants in varying stages of maturity, 1,490 grams of processed pot, and marijuana-cultivating equipment. In addition to drug charges, Byrd was charged with driving with an expired tag and no headlights after dark, making an improper turn, and not having his license with him while driving. Donahue also has an outstanding warrant with the Alpharetta police. Both men are being held in the Gwinnett County Detention Center without bond. Police continue to investigate and add more charges.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Frank re: Mouse problems on Windows Dear Webby Eileen and you probably expect Microsoft mice to be as modern as Logitech mice. They aren't. Forget about trying to use the tilt wheel. Sure, the hardware DOES have a tilt wheel on most modern mice, but Microsoft drivers don't recognize it. There is no way to assign any function to the left and right tilt of the scroll wheel with even the newest downloaded Microsoft drivers. The hardware is willing, but the software is lacking. If you want, and are used to the tilt wheel functions, you have to buy a Logitech mouse. Frank Dear Frank I started to suspect that, and am grateful you confirmed my suspicions. I won't waste any more money on Microsoft mice. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two men were talking. "My son asked me what I did during the Sexual Revolution," said one. "I told him I was captured early and spent the duration doing the dishes.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No new tip today http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The other day I needed to call home from downtown, but the only pay phone I could find was in use. So I stood to the side to politely wait until it was free, thinking it would only be a couple of minutes. Five minutes went by, and still the man was on the phone. He was just standing there, not saying a word. Two minutes later, he was still not talking. Finally, I tapped him on the shoulder and asked if I could use the phone. I really wouldn't be long, but needed to make an important call. "Hold your horses," he responded, covering the receiver. "I'm talking to my wife."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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The crowded cafeteria sported a large sign reading: "Watch Your Hat And Overcoat." Ira sure did. He kept turning every minute, almost choking over his food. His pal, Barney, kept on eating, without thought of his own coat on the hook. Finally Barney said, "Ira, you Schmuck...stop watching our overcoats." "I'm only watching mine," replied Ira. "Yours has been gone for over half an hour."

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Mice erratic on Windows 7 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Living the past is a dull and lonely business; looking back strains the neck muscles, causing you to bump into people not going your way." --- Edna Ferber I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on. --- Beryl Pfizer
Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friends house. Knowing his sweet tooth Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake." "No," replied Tommy, "but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some just as good, and she gave me two more pieces without me having to ask."
A boss tells his new employee, "I'll give you 8 bucks an hour starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to 10 bucks an hour. So when would you like to start?" The employee replies, "How about in 3 months?"
Thanks to Joann for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a Quandria (KWAN'-dree-ah) Bailey, 28 in Meriden, Conn Woman tried to use 911 as free taxi service NEW HAVEN, Conn. (AP) - Police in one Connecticut city have a warning for nightclub patrons: Don't call 911 for a ride home. New Haven police say that's what 28-year-old Quandria (KWAN'-dree-ah) Bailey did, calling the emergency line six times to request a ride from a nightclub back to her Meriden home. Bailey was charged with six counts of misuse of the 911 system early Sunday. She was released on a $1,000 bond and is scheduled to appear in court May 5.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eileen re: Mouse problems on W7 Dear Webby Your pasting mishaps in today's (Monday's) newsletter reminded me of the problems I have with mice on W7. Just about any mouse I try has some problem. For example, he MS Laser Mouse 6000 pastes (right side-button) on proximity, if I even get close to it. Probably what happened to you yesterday. On my other current mouse, an Explorer Mini Mouse, the scroll doesn't work in all programs. Yet in some it works fine. Can that be fixed, or do I have to keep buying mice until I find one that works with W7? Eileen Dear Eileen Don't use the mouse drivers, that are built into W7. Un-install those. And don't use the mouse drivers, that are on the CD, that came with the mouse. Download the current driver from Microsoft. There are still some problems, but fewer of them. Because W7 is not really meant for work but for playing and high speed gaming, W7 is set to take mouse input instantly, without requiring even a micro-second dwell to verify that you really mean to do that. Until somebody writes a fix for that, you may have better luck with a Logitech or other multi-button mouse. Have FUN! DearWebby
Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?" Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question." Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?" Son: "Who threw the tomato at the principal?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Your Own Hamburger Patties When forming burgers, I use a hamburger press. I would then flatten the burgers with my hands to make them thinner. This way when cooked on the grill, they don't get too thick. If the burgers are formed thin, they will be almost like the fast food restaurant burgers, depending on the type of ground beef that is used. If someone likes a thicker burger, they can put two burgers on their bun. http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A redneck boy came home from class and his redneck father asked, "What did you learn in algebra class today, son?" "Well, I learned Pi R Square," replied the boy. "Now, hold on there son," he quickly replied, "you may think I am stupid, but everybody knows that pie are round."

» Cactus Rally 2010
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Can't download Spybot 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, April 26, 2010

"There comes a time in the affairs of a man when he has to take the bull by the tail and face the situation." --- W.C.Fields "The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow." ---H. G. Wells
Friend: "I suppose you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours?" Woman: "Yes, it's a lock of my husband's hair." Friend: "But your husband is still alive." Woman: "I know, but his hair is gone."Friend: "I suppose you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours?" Woman: "Yes, it's a lock of my husband's hair." Friend: "But your husband is still alive." Woman: "I know, but his hair is gone."
The middle-aged man was shuffling along, bent over at the waist, as his wife helped him into the doctor's waiting room. A woman in the office viewed the scene in sympathy. "Arthritis with complications?" she asked. The wife shook her head, "Noooo....Do-it-yourself," she explained, "with concrete blocks."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 52 year old dopey fugitive in Albion, Indiana Police find suspect neck-deep in liquid manure pit ALBION, Ind. (AP) - Police said that officers searching for a man wanted on methamphetamine charges found him hiding neck-deep in a liquid manure pit at a northeastern Indiana farm. Noble County sheriff's deputies thought they'd lost the man until an officer spotted him in the tank beneath an outbuilding floor on the farm near Albion. Chief Deputy Doug Harp said the man, 52, had been neck-deep in the combination of hog and dog feces for at least an hour Tuesday evening. He later became combative and had to be shocked twice with a stun gun. The suspect was treated at a hospital for hypothermia before he being taken to jail. A Steuben County magistrate on Wednesday ordered the suspect held without bail because he missed court hearings in February and March.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Helene re: Can't download Spybot Dear Webby: Sorry to be a pain but have a big problem trying to get Spybot from your site to let me have a download. I've copied the address to mail a check to: Patrick Kolla, Safer-Networking Ltd., POBox 16, Greystones, Co. Wicklow, Ireland, so when I get I get my meager SS payment in and the few other bills paid, I'll then be able to forward a check to them. However, no matter how hard I try, the site will not let me download without first paying or charging. Is there any way to download the service they offer without being blackmailed for it first? Would appreciate any help you can offer. Thank you so much in advance. Helene Dear Helene They are only sincerely asking for help, not demanding it. You can still download the real Spypot-Search&Destroy free: http://www.safer-networking.org/en/ownm ... index.html If something is stopping you from doing that, then it is AOL or infection in your computer. Most of the newer viruses prevent you from downloading or installing programs, that could wipe them out. You might have to clear up that problem first. Have FUN! DearWebby
George had invited the pastor and his wife for dinner, and it was little Joey's job to set the table. But when it came time to eat, Joey's mother said with surprise, "Why didn't you give Mrs. Brown a knife and fork dear?". "I didn't think I needed to," Joey explained, "I heard Daddy say she always eats like a horse."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Magic Eraser for Clean Sneakers http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

An acquaintance of mine who is a veterinarian told this story about her then-four-year-old daughter. On the way to pick her up from kindergarten, she had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. Oh, wow, thought my friend, my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps! Then the child spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. Do you want fwies wif that?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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Matt went into Doc Steven's office for his annual checkup, and the Doc asked if there was anything unusual he should know about. That left it pretty wide open, so he told the Doc that he found it real strange how his suit must've shrunk just sittin' in his closet, because it didn't fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently. The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sittin' there. You probably just put on a few pounds, Matt." "That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single pound since the last time I wore it." "Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of Furniture Disease." "What in the world is Furniture Disease?" Matt asked. "Furniture Disease, Matt, is when you reach that stage in life when your chest starts slidin' down into your drawers."

» SurrFriend: "I suppose you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours?" Woman: "Yes, it's a lock of my husband's hair." Friend: "But your husband is still alive." Woman: "I know, but his hair is gone."eal Art
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How to change file associations in Windows 7 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, April 25, 2010

History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon. --- Napoleon Bonaparte History is the version of past events that the winners have decided to agree upon. --- Dwight D Eisenhower
A woman was driving her old car on the highway with her 7 year old son, Little Johnny. She tried to keep up with traffic but they were flying by her. After getting caught in a large group of cars speeding down the road, she looked at her speedometer and saw that she was going 15 miles over the speed limit. Slowing down, she moved over to the side and got out of the clump that soon left her behind. She looked up and saw the flashing lights of a police car. Pulling over she waited for the officer to come up to her car. As he did he said, "Ma'am do you know why I pulled you over?" From the back seat, Little Johnny yelled, "I do! Because with that big clunky lemon of yours you couldn't catch the fast cars!"
After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board following the close of the service. The first man to arrive and greet the minister was a total stranger. "You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board members," explained the minister. "I know," said the man, "but if there is anyone here more bored than I am, then I'd like to meet him."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christina Cifaldi, 22, of Cape Coral, Florida Police arrest woman for urinating on clothes at Walmart 8:35 P.M. UPDATE — Police have found and arrested a woman suspected of urinating on clothes at a Walmart store in Cape Coral. Christina Cifaldi, 22, of Cape Coral was charged with criminal mischief and property damage. Employees at the store on Del Prado Boulevard told officers that they saw her take $163 in clothes off the racks and go into a fitting room. The employees told police that the woman then urinated on the clothes and left the store. Police found Cifaldi because she left her wallet, with her driver’s license, in the changing room along with the urine-soaked clothes. She was released today from the Lee County Jail after paying $500 bail. Her next court appearance on the criminal mischief charge is May 11. There was no mention of any health or medical related emergency, urgency or accident.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Christine re: File Associatons in Windows 7 Dear Webby I too got raped by W7, against my wishes and choice. Until I can convert it to XP or Linux, I am reminded a hundred times a day of the salesman saying: "You will get used to everything being slower. You are not as fast any more as you once were." Well, he had one foot up on a box of paper and my knee was still a lot faster than his balls. Luckily his manager and some other employees saw it, sided with me, and he got fired. That doesn't help me cope with this alien crap. How does one change the file association? There is no "File Types" in Folder Options, and "Default Programs" in the Control Panel is a perverted way to waste time and does not work right either. What rigmarole do I have to go through now? Christine Dear Christine I hope you did not hurt your knee! Open the File Explore, and find a file of that type. Highlight it, right-click it and select Properties. Hit CHANGE beside "Opens With" and browse to the program you want to use. It might not be listed there, and you may have to browse to where it is located Doubleclick it to select it. Look for another file of that type to see if it is correctly associated with your chosen program. Depending on how your File Explore works, you may also see a sub menu bar with Organize - Open \/ - Print - Burn - NewFolder Hit that little down arrow beside Open and you will be able to select from SOME of the installed programs and also set the default program. You can also go to Control Panel All Control Panel Items Default Programs ASSociate A File Type That is roughly equivalent to TOOLS, Folder Options, File Types, just a lot less user friendly. Have FUN! DearWebby
A young woman was suffering badly from hay fever. She was going to a fancy dinner party that night and figured she would need at least two handkerchiefs to get her through the evening. She didn't have any pockets, so she stuffed them both in her bra. Halfway through the night, she had already used up one handkerchief and was rummaging around in her bra for the other one. She was having trouble finding it, and soon she noticed that everyone at the table was looking at her. "What on earth are you doing?" asked one of her colleagues. She replied, "I could have sworn I had two when I arrived".
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Magic Eraser for Clean Sneakers I can't stand having dirty sneakers. I used to use white shoe polish but it smells, takes a while to dry and can stain. I've found that using a Mr. Clean magic erase block (or similar store brand erase block) works wonderful at whitening even the oldest dingy sneakers. I tried using bleach on one shoe and the erase block on the other and I was surprised to find the shoe I used the erase block on looked much better. By Rachel G. from Port Orchard, WA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says "not yet." A little later they ask again to see the baby. Again the mother says "not yet." Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?" And the mother says, "When the baby cries." They all ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?" The new mother says, "because I forgot where I put it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
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A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?" He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'" "She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?" "She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"

» Space Station Assembly
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Excel slow on Windows 7 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, April 24, 2010

" It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. " --- William Blake Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. --- Samuel Goldwyn Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. --- Socratex
At a fancy reception a young man was asked by a widow to guess her age. "You must have some idea," she urged when he hesitated. "I have several ideas," he admitted with a smile, "the trouble is that I don't know whether to make it ten years younger because of your looks or ten years older because of your wisdom."
As we drove along a Los Angeles thoroughfare lined with spectacular advertising signs, nine- year-old Billy exclaimed: "Look at all the bullboards!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brian Splain, 46,Brian Splain, 46, in Marathon, Florida Man Charged With Sand Theft The Monroe County Sheriff's Office said deputies responded to reports Sunday of a truck stuck in the sand at Coco Plum Beach in Marathon and three deputies arrived to find Brian Splain, 46, with his 1989 Ford F-150 loaded with sand from the beach, the Miami Herald reported Tuesday. The deputies said Splain, who failed field sobriety tests, told them he needed the sand for a job. Splain was arrested and booked into the Monroe County jail on charges of grand theft of the sand, criminal mischief and driving while impaired. ---------- Even though people are complaining about beaches widening, there are still laws against taking sand without a permit.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Brigitta re: Excel on Windows 7 Dear Webby Sheelagh sure was spot on by calling Windows 7 "Blonde Windows". It's an advertisement for Linux, and even Macs are starting to look like a usable alternative! I almost got fired because of it, well actually because of unplugging a brand new computer and throwing it at the guy who had plugged it in. I use M$ Office and on the old XP computer Excel spreadsheets pop up almost as fast as they do on Quattro on my even older computer at home. Normal spreadsheets full of numbers and graphs. The new computer came with a trial of the newest M$ Office good for 25 uses. To transfer the files, the new machine was put beside the old one and connected to the same network. The same spreadsheets are pathetically slow on the W7 machine, way too slow for getting the work done, that I am expected to do every day. The new machine has four times the CPU speed, twice the RAM, and a near empty, uncluttered hard drive without any fixit utilities slowing it down. I didn't quite apologize for throwing the computer, but I promised to ask you, if there was a way to make it usable for big spreadsheets. So I did. Brigitta Dear Brigitta You can download and install Open Office. It is free. That is one reason most businesses are switching to it. It's spreadsheets are a little bit faster than Excel. Quatto would be faster yet, and with more features, but don't use an XP 32 bit Quattro on a W7-64 bit machine. Windows 7 does not deal with it very well. You will have to use Quattro for W7 from Corel Office X5, but X5 costs about $100, unless you can find an OEM issue on eBay. In the long run, though, the best solution would be to put XP or Linux onto that machine. Those are made for work, not for looking cutesy. Have FUN! DearWebby
A married couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. At the party everybody wanted to know how they managed to stay married so long in this day and age. The husband responded "When we were first married we came to an agreement. I would make all the major decisions and my wife would make all the minor decisions. And in 60 years of marriage we have never needed to make a major decision."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Donate Usable Yard Sale Leftovers Most of us "thrifty people" have yard sales occasionally. We usually have in the contents of our sale, items that we no longer use or want. After a sale there are always items that didn't sell. Let's all remember the less fortunate and donate our leftover items. Most community churches will accept donations to help victims of fire, flood, etc. Speaking as a tornado victim, I know firsthand how the smallest things, such as toys for a child, or clothing for the elderly are appreciated. When a family loses everything, there will be not one item that goes to waste. By vguy from Earle, AR http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

74 year old Harold tripped on the stairs and broke his leg. The doctor put a cast on it and warned that he wasn't to use the stairs until the cast came off. A month later he removed the cast and pronounced him well on the way to recovery. "Oh good," he responded. "Is it all right for me to walk the stairs now?" "Yes," said the doctor, "if you will promise to be careful." "I can't tell you what a relief it will be," Harold sighed. "It was such a nuisance crawling outside and shinnying up and down that drainpipe all the time!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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The little boy was caught swearing by his teacher. "Billy," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear it?" "My daddy said it," he responded. "Well, that doesn't matter," she explained, "I don't want to hear that language in here again." After a moment, she whispered aloud, "At least he doesn't know what it means." "I do, too," Billy corrected. "It means the car won't start."

» Time Toons
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Background colors in Blonde Windows 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, April 23, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway. --- Elbert Hubbard I daresay one profits more by the mistakes one makes off one's own bat than by doing the right thing on somebody's else advice. --- W. Somerset Maugham,
A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their life. The father and son strolled around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but absolutely mezmerised by the two shiney, silver walls that moved apart, then slide back together again. The boy asked,"Pa, what's 'at?" The father, also never having seen an elevator responded,"Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in all my life. I just ain't got no idea what it could be." While the boy and his father watched in amazement, an older fat lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pushed a button. The walls opened up, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers light up sequentially. They watched until it reached the last number, and a few seconds later the numbers lit up one by one in reverse sequence until the number 1 lit up, the walls opened up again, and this voluptuous 24 year old blonde stepped out and strolled away. The father, not being able to take his eyes of the woman leaned over and quietly said to his son,"Boy, go get your Momma!!!!!!
A minister, after listening to an impromptu campaign speech on main street, "Before I vote for you for sheriff, I'd like to know if you partake of intoxicating beverages?" Candidate for sheriff, "Before I answer, tell me if this is an inquiry or an invitation."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Amy Teresa Ricks, 37, in Salt Lake City, Utah Utah woman sentenced in 'surprise' hammer beating Apr 21, 9:28 PM (ET) SALT LAKE CITY (AP) - A Utah woman has been sentenced to 30 days at home with an ankle monitor for blindfolding her husband and promising him a surprise before hitting him in the head with a hammer three years ago. Amy Teresa Ricks also was sentenced to probation and community service Monday in 3rd District Court. The 37-year-old pleaded guilty to second-degree felony aggravated assault in February. Prosecutors have agreed to reduce the conviction to a third-degree felony after Ricks completes probation. They also agreed to let Ricks seek expungement of the crime after seven years. Ricks' husband suffered minor injuries in the May 2007 attack. At the time of her plea, Ricks' defense attorney said the two were still married but were separated.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sheelagh re: Windows 7 colors Dear Webby I am temporarily stuck with a machine that has Blonde Windows on it. Yuck! Aside from hitting everything three times because it seems as if the first two double-clicks didn't do anything, I find the few available color schemes as limited as a kindergartner's toy plastic jewelry. I did find the sneaky way to get to an XP style Appearance setting panel, and it does change the background color from freaking white to a more pleasant and productive color, in OTHER APPLICATIONS and programs, but not in Blonde internal stuff like Explorer, Control Panel, etc. Seems Blonde Windows is not compatible with itself. Good old programs like Eudora, that isn't even sold any more and outlived it's makers like the pyramids do, or Mailwasher, all change their backgrounds to what I set 7 levels deep in the Control Panel, but Blonde Windows itself refuses to budge from bright white. Do you know of a way to make the panel backgrounds less hard on the eyes? Thanks Sheelagh Dear Sheelagh Windows 7, or "Blonde Windows" as you call it, wasn't designed to be kind to it's victims. It is punishment for bitching about bugs in previous versions. As far as I know, there is no way to make the Windows 7 explorer windows act like they were Windows compliant. You will have to look for a third party file management utility. Have FUN! DearWebby
The trouble with hitting the jackpot on a slot machine is that it takes so long to put the money back into the slot..
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pick Up Litter for Earth Day For Earth Day and any day, I would suggest picking up litter. Even if it is just in your yard, every little bit of litter picked up makes a difference. Picking up litter is great exercise that produces quick results. By Betty http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH MY GOD!" Then silence. Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
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City Boy: Say, Dad, how many types of milk are there? Father: Well, there's evaporated milk, buttermilk, malted milk, and --but why do you ask? City Boy: Oh, I'm drawing a picture of a cow, and I want to know how many "spigots" to put on it.

» Photos by Debi Beauregard
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Resolution setting with new video card 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, April 22, 2010

Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history. --- George Bernard Shaw A superstition is a premature explanation that overstays its time. --- George Iles Did you ever see the customers in health-food stores? They are pale skinny people who look half-dead. In a steak house you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific. --- Bill Cosby
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a "great" writer.When asked to define "great", he said: "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation and anger!" He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.
During a service at an old synagogue in Eastern Europe, when the Shema prayer was said, half the congregants stood up and half remained sitting. The half that was seated started yelling at those standing to sit down, and the ones standing yelled at the ones sitting to stand up. The rabbi, learned as he was in the Law and commentaries, didn't know what to do. His congregation suggested that he consult a housebound 98-year old man, who was one of the original founders of their temple. The rabbi hoped the elderly man would be able to tell him what the actual temple tradition was, so he went to the nursing home with a representative of each faction of the congregation. The one whose followers stood during Shema said to the old man, "Is the tradition to stand during this prayer?" The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition." The one whose followers sat down, asked, "Is the tradition to sit during Shema?" The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition." Then the rabbi said to the old man, "The congregants fight all the time, yelling at each other about whether they should sit or stand!" The old man interrupted, exclaiming, "THAT is our tradition!"
The aged patient doddered into the doctor's office with a serious complaint. "Doc, you've got to do something to lower my sex drive." "Come on now SquirrelBait," the doctor said, "your sex drives all in your head." "That's what I mean, I need it a bit lower down."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Katrina Purll, 29 in Perth, Scotland Woman who lost purse with cocaine arrested PERTH, Scotland, April 21 (UPI) -- Scottish police said a woman who visited the station to collect her lost purse was arrested immediately for possession of the cocaine found inside the bag. Authorities in Perth said Katrina Purll, 29, pleaded guilty Tuesday to possession of $23 worth of cocaine and was ordered to pay a $460 fine, The Daily Record, Glasgow, reported Wednesday. Police said Purll left the bag at a pub in November and was immediately arrested when she arrived at a police office to collect the purse. "It seems not to have crossed her mind that the first thing we do with a bag which is handed in is have a good look through it," a police source told the Record. "There was a small bag of cocaine and no one expected the owner to ask for it back."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Frank re: Video Setting Dear Webby I had a video card replaced yesterday and my screens don't look exactly like they did previously. What is the normal screen resolution setting? Keep in mind I'm a senior and the eyes aren't what they were 30 years ago. Thanks again for the response to these basic questions. Frank Dear Frank I run my monitors at 1600 x 1200. The more pixels you got, the finer and sharper everything is. You can always crank the font size percentage in the Advanced part to whatever is comfortable. Have FUN! DearWebby Dear Webby, Much better, my only choices were 1600 x 1024 or 1680 x 1050. I chose the first one, then increased the font size. As always, thank you for you timely assistance Frank
The minister had just finished an excellent chicken dinner at the home of a member of his congregation when he saw a rooster come strutting through the yard. "That's certainly a proud-looking rooster you have there," the minister commented. "Yes, sir," replied the farmer. "He has reason to be proud -- one of his daughters has just entered the ministry!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mark Spool Thread Slot With Red Nail Polish As I become a WOW (wise older woman), I find it easier to see if I mark the slot on a spool of thread (the little slot that holds the thread to keep it from unwinding) with a dot of red nail polish. By Cookie from Warrenton, VA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

At a local coffee shop, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!" A little old lady at the next table overheard and spoke up, "Girl, what you described is a television set!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A college senior takes his his new girlfriend to a football game. The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and were watching the action. A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his girfriend, "Take a good look at that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year." His girfriend snuggled closer and said to the surprised young man, "That's the strangest way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl. But regardless of how you said it, I accept!"

» Priceless
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Changing the Windows Start-Up sound 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Its amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit. --- Harry S. Truman "In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." ---Paul McCartney
My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from each other. Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he told me he had lent it to his son. Recalling a saying my grandmother used to repeat, I recited, "You should never lend anything to your kids, because you will never get it back." With that, he responded, "Well, it's not even my ladder. It's my dad's."
An avid golfer was late coming home from his weekly game. As he dragged himself wearily through the door, his worried wife met him. "Honey," she said, "How was your game? Why are you so late?" "Well," he replied, "this had to be the worst, hardest game of my life. Jack died out there on the golf course. Just had a heart attack at the second hole and then died." "Oh, no!" she cried. "How awful for you! He was your best friend! No wonder you are late....." "Yes, the ordeal really wore me out.," he said, "the whole rest of the game it was hit the ball, drag Jack, hit the ball, drag Jack......"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ezequiel Cardoso, 29, of Dorchester, Mass Drunk Securitas employee arrested after wild chase Chugging Hennessy cognac, wearing sunglasses after dark and driving his company car, a security official trying to outrun police rattled a memorial service, crashed into a cruiser and had to be pepper-sprayed into submission, authorities alleged. Ezequiel Cardoso, 29, of Dorchester, who police say worked for the Boston branch of Securitas - an international security services firm - “had bloodshot eyes,” reeked of booze and refused a Breathalyzer test. Officers said Cardoso was drinking from the bottle of the 40 percent alcohol even as they busted a window of Securitas’ marked vehicle to get at him, according to a police report. Police caught up to Cardoso at another traffic light, wearing s unglasses and a stocking cap, but said he refused to acknowledge them and sped off. Officers in pursuit followed Cardoso into Everett, where they said he was “changing lanes in an unsafe manner” and “passed recklessly” by a memorial gathering before crashing into a state police cruiser. The trooper reported seeing Cardoso continue to drink as he used his baton to break the driver’s window. At that point, police said Cardoso “opened his mouth in such a manner that it appeared that he was going to bite the officers.” Cardoso is facing a long list of charges, including assault and battery with a dangerous weapon and drunken driving. His manager at Securitas did not return calls. He was arraigned in Chelsea District Court, where he pleaded not guilty.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Anita re: Change Windows start-up sound Dear Webby Is there a way to get rid off or changing the Windows start-up noise? Even the sounds my hubby makes, when he impersonates a coffee maker, would be more welcome in the morning that that pompous "Tadaa!" Thanks Anita 1. Go to the Control Panel. 2. Click the Sounds and Audio Devices icon, 3. Click the Sounds tab. 4. Under "Program Events", select Start Windows. You can select a sound from the drop-down menu or click Browse to select a .wav file. If you don't want Windows to play any sound during startup, select (None) from the drop-down menu. You can also browse to your collection of wav files and select one from there. There is no limit, you can pick even long songs. Keep in mind that no matter what you select, sooner or later you will get tired of it. You might get a laugh the first few times you hear "When Daddy Cut the Big one at the Horn Lake Mississippi Missionary Baptist Church", but after a few days that will get annoying. The best way to deal with that is to make a new folder, and every time you come across a suitable wav file, put a copy of it in there. (CTRL Drag copies). Rename the first one 1.wav. Select that 1.wav for the start up sound. When you get tired of that one, rename it to 2.wav and rename another one to 1.wav. Windows will play whatever is called 1.wav after you select that once. You can just quickly change the 1.wav and don't have to go through the Sound selection rigmarole. Personally, I have used BUBBLE2.WAV for years. It is a tiny 2 KB wav that sounds like one single drop of water falling into a puddle, and about as quiet too. Have FUN! DearWebby
The gigantic computer took up a whole wall, dwarfing the programmer and the mathematician standing before it. After much flashing and humming a sliver of paper emerged from the vitals of the machine. The mathematician, after studying it gravely, turned to the programmer and said with awe, "Do you realize that it would take four hundred ordinary mathematicians a hundred years of calculations..... ....to make a mistake this big?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Garnish Wine With Frozen Grapes Freeze grapes before they go bad. They make a wonderful garnish in wine and keep it cool! Place red grapes in white wine, and white grapes in red wine! You'll be the hit of the party. Enjoy By Darnie from Langley, BC Canada http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Little Johnny, burst into the house, crying his eyes out. His Mama asked him what the problem was. "Pop and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant fish. Really big. Then, when he was reeling it in, the line busted, ....and the fish got away." "Now come on, Johnny," his mother said, "a big boy like you shouldn't be crying about an accident like that. You should have laughed." "That's what I did, Mama."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much because they never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office." The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week." The next week the lady goes back to his office. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink terribly!" The doctor says, "Good, Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

» Volcano
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Can't read PDF files with Adobe 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic. --- Dan Rather It's useless trying to hold a person to anything s/he says while s/he's in love, drunk or running for office. --- Socratex
Murphy's Technology Law #347: Technology is regulated by those who manage what they do not understand.
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a National Organization for Women gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the right track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' The woman thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example, would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Rotterdam
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Paul Hutton, 40 in Essex, England Man loses licence after drunk-driving in toy Barbie car A man who was caught drink-driving in a toy car with a top speed of 4mph has been banned from driving. Paul Hutton, 40, was pulled over by police as he drove an electric Barbie car, which moves slower than a mobility scooter, near his home in Essex. Mr Hutton, who has four children, admitted being a 'complete twit'. Speaking after the hearing at Colchester magistrates court, he said: "You have to be a contortionist to get in, and then you can't get out. "I was very surprised to get done for drink-driving but I was a twit to say the least. "It is designed for three-to-five-year-olds. "Originally it was a pink Barbie car but I put bigger wheels on it but it's not fast. Mr Hutton, who is divorced, is a former RAF aeronautical engineer who now studies electrical engineering at Colchester Institute. He explained: "I'm in the third year of my electrical engineering course and it was a little project I was doing with my son who is doing a car mechanics course. "When it was done I couldn't resist the temptation to take it out." He was given a mandatory three-year ban because he had received another drink-drive ban within the past ten years. Magistrates also gave him a 12-month conditional discharge and ordered him to pay £85 court costs.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Guinn re: Can't read PDF HI, Webby. I am having trouble downloading a pdf file (a manual for a GPS) from the disk that came with the unit. I have tried to install Adobe Reader 9 three times but when I check for it, all I can find is Adobe Flash Player 10. Do you have any ideas about this? Is it related to the fact I use Firefox and Open Office? Any help would be appreciated, Guinn Dear Guinn That has nothing to do with FireFox or Open Office. Adobe Flash reader and Adobe Acrobat PDF reader are not the same. Go to my tool box and scoot way down to just below the SP3 blocker. There you find the Foxit PDF reader and the Adobe PDF reader. Normally both of those set the registry to associate PDF fils with the. It IS possible, though, that you have the reistry locked against any changes. In that case, you have to first temporarily unlock it before installing any PDF reader. To check that, open a file explorer, click on Tools, Folder Options, File Types. Go down to PDF files and associate them with any PDF reader that you got on the machine. If you indeed have Adobe PDF Reader 9 installed, -not the Adobe Flash reader-, then you should be able to associate that with PDF files. Have FUN! DearWebby
Hi Webby About 5 years ago you had a joke about a bridge to Hawaii. Can you dig it out and run it again ? Thanks Archie B. Sure, Archie, no problem. here it is: A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you a wish, but only one - none of that three wishes jazz, OK?" The man thought for a minute and said, "Well, I have always wanted to go to Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying, and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So, I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii." The genie was taken aback a bit, but after some thought said, "No, I don't think I can do that; think about the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement and steel and concrete that would be needed. I'm sorry, you will have to choose another wish." The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "There is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why do they get upset at us so easily, what are their true desires and needs? What do they mean when they say 'Oh, Nothing'. Basically... what makes them tick?!?" The genie stared at him and blinked a couple times, then finally sayd: "So, on that silly bridge, do you want two lanes or four?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Up Pet Hair Summer is almost here and so is cat shedding time. This is a tip to keep the animal hair cleaned up. Take a piece of terry cloth (I use old towels cut up) wet a good size piece, and wring it out. Wrap it around four fingers and rub it in a circular motion. Lift up after about four motions, and you will be amazed at the cat hair you have picked up. Take the hair off the rag, and do it again and again. This works on couches, cloth chair seats, bedspreads, and in the car, anywhere! By letageraldine from Tucson, AZ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He got fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed him to hear 100%. He went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times already!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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Granny was visiting town for the first time. She checks in at the hotel, and the bellboy takes her bags. She follows the boy, and as the door closes, she looks around and shakes her fist at him. "Young man, I may be old, and straight from the hills, but that don't mean I'm stupid! I paid good money, and this room won't do at all! It's too small, and without a proper window! Why there's not even a bed!" The bellhop looks at her and says, "Ma'am, this isn't your room, it's the elevator."

» Fantabulous Fotos
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Phonetic Alphabet: Alpha, Bravo,... 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, April 19, 2010

Sometimes when you cry, no one sees the tears.... Sometimes when you are happy, no one bothers to see the smile.... BUT FART ONCE AND EVERYONE NOTICES! --- Socratex
In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression..... In America we call it golf.
Five-year-old Becky answered the door when the census taker came by. She told the census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn't home because he was performing an appendectomy. "My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?" "Sure do! Fifteen-hundred bucks, and that doesn't even include the anesthesiologist!"
Thanks to Janina for this great picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andrew J. Garcia, 30 in San Ysidro, NM Burning off residue on his bong led to arson charge Las Cruces, NM (The Weekly Vice) - Andrew J. Garcia, a 30-year-old San Ysidro man, was jailed after he allegedly used a bong to set his mobile home on fire. According to Dona Ana County police, authorities were contacted after an off-duty sheriff witnessed Garcia driving away from his burning home. A police chase through the community ensued, which the officer abandoned for safety reasons. Garcia was apprehended later at his residence. Investigators say Garcia was cleaning his bong with alcohol when he ignited the alcohol on purpose, setting fire to his curtains and causing an estimated $20,000 damage. His wife and children were not home at the time of the incident and no injuries were reported. Garcia admitted to authorities that he was suffering from a drug addiction and he was distraught. Garcia underwent a psychiatric evaluation at a local hospital and was then booked into Dona Ana County Detention center on charges of arson and fleeing a law-enforcement officer. He is being held on $30,000 bond. ------- Most likely the speedy escape was to bring his stash, worth more than the old trailer, to a safe place.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Brenda re: Voice alphabet Dear Webby When I have to spell my name on the phone I often grasp for suitable words to clarify each letter. I am not quite as bad as that Caseway joke you had a few years ago, please bring it again! However, sometimes people make me feel like I am just as bad at clarifying the letters in my long last name. Isn't there a standard list of words for doing that? Thanks Brenda Dear Brenda Indeed there is: The International Morse Alphabet menonic. This not the original code developed for Morse, but the German Gerke version, which became the International Morse code about 150 years ago. Certain vowels represent dots, others represent dashes. That helped people memorize the morse code. Even though the Morse Code has become obsolete, the Morse Alphabet is still in popular use for clarifying the spelling in voice communication. I used to print it on the back of business cards. Here is the picture for that. At 96 dots per inch it will be exactly the size of a business card. Business Card Size Have FUN! DearWebby
Here is the Caseway joke. You have to read it out loud. "Information? I need the number for Caseway Transport." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make a Fence Look Nice on Both Sides When you put up a wooden fence, you usually nail the pickets to one side, then the other side of the fence doesn't look all that great. But if you keep alternating the pickets, nailing the first to your neighbor's side and the next to your side, you will end up with a fence that looks something like basket weave and will look good on both sides. By Amuck http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The patient was lying in bed, still groggy from the effects of the recent operation. His doctor came in, looking very glum. "I can't be sure what's wrong with you," the doctor said. "I think it's the drinking." "No problem," the patient said patiently. "I'm sure by tomorrow some doctor will sober up. I'm still a bit tired from that operation anyway."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun had made a note, "Take only one, God is watching," Moving through the line, to the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One of the boys had written a note, "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."

» Animal Shapes
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Unsolicited Windows updates 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, April 18, 2010

Men stumble over the truth from time to time, but most pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened. --- Winston Churchill I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. --- Mark Twain
A sad-faced Todd walked into a flower shop early one morning. The clerk was ready to take his order for a funeral piece, based on the look on Todd's face, but soon realized his assumption was wrong as Todd asked for a basket of flowers sent to his wife for their anniversary. "And what day will that be?" the clerk asked. Glumly he replied, "Yesterday."
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write - and they won't let me talk!"
Thanks to Janina for this great picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Glenn Watson, 58 of Bango, Maine Falling pants lead to man's arrest on drug charges BANGOR, Maine — A 58-year-old Hampden man who led police on a car chase, then a brief foot chase Wednesday night is back behind bars one week after completing a 15-month jail sentence for cocaine trafficking. The suspect’s attempted flight to freedom ended abruptly when his pants fell down around his ankles, causing him to fall to the ground, police said Thursday. Glenn Watson, who was released from jail on April 7, became the subject of a joint investigation by Bangor police and the Maine Drug Enforcement Agency after city police received a tip Wednesday evening that Watson was selling cocaine from a Bangor motel room. City police officers assigned to MDEA were called in to co-ordinate. MDEA agents put Watson’s motel room under surveillance and when Watson left, agents asked Bangor police to stop the car. According to a joint news release by Bangor police Sgt. Paul Edwards and MDEA Division Commander Darrell Crandall, Bangor police Officer Jamie Fanning was near Interstate 95 and Union Street when she spotted Watson’s vehicle. Though she activated her blue lights as the vehicle turned from Union Street onto Sixteenth Street, Watson did not pull over. Fanning reported that when she activated her police siren, Watson continued on, running a red light, then speeding down Ohio Street at speeds clocked at 55 to 60 mph. From Ohio Street, the pursuit turned onto Boynton Street, then around the block back to Ohio Street, where it continued through a red light at Hammond and Ohio, according to Fanning. Watson then turned onto High Street, again at speeds of 55 to 60 mph, police said. The car chase ended when Watson failed to negotiate a sharp turn on High Street and crashed his vehicle into a parked car, Fanning wrote. No one was injured. Watson then got out of his vehicle. According to Fanning, the suspect appeared to be holding up his pants, which she said appeared to be undone. Watson then took off, running toward an apartment complex. Fanning and fellow Bangor police Officer Michael Brennan chased Watson on foot down a set of stairs. The chase ended when Watson’s pants “fell completely down around his ankles, causing him to fall down the steps and onto the ground,” the release said. Police seized more than 2 ounces of cocaine — valued at nearly $7,000 — from Watson, who has been charged with aggravated trafficking in cocaine, driving to endanger, eluding a police officer and three stop sign and red light v iolations. Watson, who has a lengthy criminal record in Maine going back to 1988, remained at Penobscot County Jail on Thursday night, unable to make bail set at $7,500 cash, according to a jail official.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Cathy re: Update hassles Hi there I am Cathy fro Coquitlam and I am bothering you again. Can you please tell me why I cannot vote for you? It seems I have now got windows 8 and boy I cannot do anything like I used to. Is there any way to get rid of this?? Sometimes at night the computer says updating -do not turn of computer as it will go off by itself. Sorry to bother you but any help you can give me would be appreciated. Thank You Cathy Dear Cathy To stop getting backstabbed by unwanted updates, go into the control panel, System, Automatic Updates, and set that to "Notify me, but don't automatically download or install them" As for the browser, just upgrade to FireFox. Sooner or later you will anyway, and be glad you did. Then you can vote again and everything will work normally again. Have FUN! DearWebby
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Baking Soda for Coffee and Tea Cups I keep a saucer with baking soda in it by my kitchen sink. That way, when I have a cup which is stained, I can get rid of those stains right away with no fuss or bother. I wet my fingers, dip my fingers in the baking soda, and then rub them on the inside of the cup where the stains are. In a flash the stains are gone! Source: I learned this habit from my mother and so I have the added bonus of remembering her every time I use the baking soda. By Bellevillelady from Belleville, Ontario, Canada http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A preacher was winding up his temperance sermon with great fervor, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." And the congregation cried, "Amen!" "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river." And the congregation cried, "Amen!" "And if I had all the whiskey and demon rum in the world, I'd take it all and throw it in the river." And the congregation cried, "Hallelujah!" The preacher sat down. The song leader stood up very tentatively and announced, "For our closing song, let us sing hymn #365, 'Shall we gather at the river."

» US Speed Traps
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How to become VISTA administrator 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, April 17, 2010

The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn. --- David Russell People are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within. ---Elizabeth Kubler Ross As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something. --- Hagar the Horrible Busy is a state of mind and a matter of priorities. --- DearWebby
The Nurse was taking Joe's blood pressure. She caused him some concern by rechecking it twice, then saying, "Hmmmm. That's odd -- it's normal." He replied that he had taken his high blood pressure medicine less than an hour ago. She said, "Thank goodness. I thought I was losing it. Normally when I take the men's BP readings they're always on the high side."
The showers in my daughter's dorm turned scalding hot whenever a toilet was flushed. To warn others, residents would yell out, "Flushing!" each time they flushed the toilets. During one of my daughter's visits home, a friend stopped by to chat for a while. I was explaining how my daughter was acting more distant now that she was in college, and that she didn't tell me all about her life the way she used to. Suddenly we heard my daughter call out from the bathroom, "Flushing!" "Good grief," said my friend, "How much more do you want to know?"
Thanks to Janina for this great picture: Dear Webby, You kindly share your wonderful flower and nature photos with us - now it's MY turn to share a close-up of our cherry blossoms in full bloom now, here in New Jersey. Enjoy! Janina
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Daniel Hammond, 21 in Sevenoaks, England Serial hoaxer claimed he was raped by whale A BRAZEN prankster claimed he was raped by a whale and gave his name as Ben Dover during one of many hoax calls to the emergency services. Daniel Hammond made nuisance calls for eight months, telling busy emergency operators he lived in Doctor Who's TARDIS. On one occasion, he reported that his manhood fell off because he smoked too much weed and was struggling to have sex. Another time, the lanky 21-year-old impersonated Saddam Hussein and claimed he hid a bomb on a train, a court in Sevenoaks, England, was told. Prosecutor James Nichols said Hammond enjoyed the thrill of wasting the emergency services' time with his bizarre and persistent tales. The court was told that Hammond was caught when he called to report threats he claimed he was receiving, and police recognised his mobile phone number. When Hammond was finally arrested, he said he "couldn't remember" all of the disturbing details of the calls but admitted the offenses. Defence lawyer Laura Hollingham said her client's behaviour was a result of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. The court was also told that Hammond suffered from depression and that his family was struggling to cope with his "many problems".
From the Tech Support Pits: From: BETTY re: VISTA administrator logon required DOES THE 'HOW TO BECOME WINDOWS ADMIN. QUESTION ALSO APPLY TO WINDOWS VISTA?? Dear Betty I don't allow VISTA onto Webby computers, so I don't really know. However, there is info about making yourself the Vista administrator at this site: http://snipurl.com/vistaadmin Have FUN! DearWebby
Overheard downtown: "My wife and I have structured conversations: firstly, she gives me her opinion, then she gives me my opinion."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Coffee Filters for Small Servings of Food A great use for coffee filters are single serving plates for chips (or anything that is not moist or leaky) for kids. This is especially handy in a group or class, and combines easy clean-up with much less waste than a regular plastic or paper plate. By Mrs. Putty from Barrie, Ont. http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Have you ever worked in an office where someone insisted upon listening to their voice mail using the speakerphone (at full volume, naturally). It can really begin to bother you after a while. I found a fairly easy fix for that, though. I ask a lady friend, whom she has never heard, call her desk when she's not there, and leave a message like "Hi, this is Candy from 1-900-HOT-BABE. You haven't paid for the 'toys' we sent you, you naughty girl! You wouldn't want me to come over there and spank you, would you ?" That is probably the last time you ever hear that particular speakerphone.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Linda's son was in the process of being potty trained. One summer day, he came in from outside, all wet. Linda asked, "Did you have an accident?". Yes, he replied. Well, what did you do, water the trees, the bushes,...?" "Oh, no," he replied. "I went in the garage." Shocked, Linda responded, "Well, you shouldn't do that. It will start to stink, draw flies; now I'll have to go out and hose down the garage." Her son replied cheerfully: " But Mom, it's OK, I didn't go in our garage, I went in Jill's garage!!"

» SmugMug Slideshow
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How to become Windows Administrator? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, April 16, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds. --- Malaclypse the Younger You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you. --- Eric Hoffer Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night." --- Charles M. Schulz, Charlie Brown in "Peanuts" Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. --- Sir Winston Churchill
An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad. Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died. But until now, she'd never even been out of the country. So she began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have one issued. "You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the passport clerk. "Raise your right hand, please." The old gal raised her right hand. "Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?" was the first question. The little old lady's face paled and her voice trembled as she asked in a small voice: "Uhhh... all by myself? Well, I suppose somebody is going to have to start doing that."
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
Ice fishing on the Bow River
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to British supermarket giant Marks & Spencer Marks & Spencer threatens granny for eating cookie AN 86-year-old grandmother was threatened with being thrown out of a British supermarket cafe after she started nibbling a cookie she bought in the same store. A female shop assistant told "humiliated" Thelma Williams that she could be escorted out and fined for dunking her chocolate chip cookie into a cup of tea at a branch of British supermarket giant Marks & Spencer (M&S). Williams bought a scone and cookie from the food section, and then her daughter bought her a sandwich and a cup of tea in the cafe. An assistant told her she could not eat it because of the consumer tax difference between cafe and shop-bought food. "The staff made me feel as though I was a common criminal - yet I was just eating one of their biscuits," Ms Williams said. "This woman over-reacted. All the customers were looking at me. It was so embarrassing and very distressing." "Our policy is that cafe customers must only consume items bought in the cafe area." an M&S spokesman said. ---------- Britain and many other countries have a VAT (Value Added Tax). In Britain it is 17.5%, or possibly higher by now. in Canada it is called GST and is 5%. Bulk food items are generally excempt, but individual servings are taxed. If you buy ONE bun, you pay tax. If you buy a dozen, they are tax free. That aplies at the point of buying. After checking out of one section of the store, those cookies were her property, as if she had baked them at home. While restaurants generally object to you bringing your own food, making a fuss about the tax difference on one cookie is rather sleazy and definitely deserves a bonehead award.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol re: Windows administrator logon required Hi Webby, Here I am again!!!!! I went to order underware from a store on line, my McAfee would not let me see the pictures so I could decide which style I wanted. When I went into the McAfee program to see if I could "fix" the problem (BTW, I only get big red MCAFEE words where the picture should be), I noticed that the parental control is on. We're retired, have no grandchildren and do not want our computer restricted... I really want to be able to see what I'm buying. When I tried to change the parental control it told me I could not because I'm not logged on as administrator. We do not use a password when we boot up the computer, we just start it up and click "OK" when necessary. Is there anything I can do to fix this problem of not seeing a bra that I want to purchase? Thanks, Carol Dear Carol To see how to log on as administrator, go to http://snipurl.com/log-on-as-admin The info you need is at the bottom of that page. It's actually quite easy, when you know the trick. Have FUN! DearWebby
When Jerry's daughter, Dani, was about 5 years old, she was thoroughly impressing her grandparents with her knowledge of insects while they were out for a walk. She readily identified ants, grasshoppers, crickets, ladybugs and such. When they happened upon a small beetle she did not immediately recognize, she looked at it thoughtfully, raised her foot and stomped it into oblivion on the sidewalk. 'That one', she said, 'is a Squashed Bug.'
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Crab Apples for Pest Repellent There are no chemicals involved so I guess it's a green tip. If you have a problem with roaches, ants, mice, or other pests inside the house, gather some crab apples and place them around your basement, crawl space, and foundation of your house. My in-laws have done this for years and haven't seeneven a trace of a pest or rodent. By Tammy from Cookeville, TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand - to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad." The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up. "You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked. "Exactly," replied the instructor. To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. When a clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?" he answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish." Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin."

» Grains
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Windows update reboot trashing my desktop 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, April 15, 2010

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. ---John F. Kennedy
Professor's Definitions Of A Kiss Professors of different subjects define the same word in different ways: Prof. of Computer Science: A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte. Prof. of Algebra: A kiss is two divided by nothing. Prof. of Geometry: A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines. Prof. of Physics: A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart. Prof. of Chemistry: A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts. Prof. of Zoology: A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria. Prof. of Physiology: A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris muscles in the state of contraction. Prof. of Dentistry: A kiss is infectious and antiseptic. Prof. of Accountancy: A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned. Prof. of Economics: A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply. Prof. of Statistics: A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 39-24-36. Prof. of Philosophy: A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old. Prof. of English: A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all. Prof. of Engineering: Huh, What? I'm not familiar with that term.
Linda was with her mother while her older sister was being examined by a dentist. Linda kept herself busy playing with toys in the waiting room until she noticed that her mom was resting, her eyes closed. With about six other patients waiting, Linda marched up to her mother, looked her straight in the face and shook her shoulder. "Mommy," she yelled, "wake up! This is not church!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Julie Root, 27, of East Hampton, CT 2 and 3 year olds in diapers away from home, mom arrested An East Hampton, Connecticut, woman is facing several charges after her 2- and 3-year-old sons were playing in the woods for hours wearing nothing but diapers on Friday morning, police said. Julie Root, 27, was arrested shortly after coming home from work. A neighbor called East Hampton police when she had heard the children playing alone by the road in the rain for at least an hour. When two officers arrived, they found the two small boys walking in the woods on the south side of Flatbrook Road near a stream. The boys were wearing no clothing other than their diapers and they were freezing cold, police said. An ambulance was called and the boys were taken to Marlborough Clinic for a medical evaluation. While all of this was taking place, Root walked up to the scene and said she had returned from working third shift at 7:30 a.m. and had possibly dozed off, allowing the boys to slip out of the house. Root, who is wearing the t-shirt that reads “I Love Weed” in her mug shot, was heavily under the influence of prescription pain medication, police said. The allegedly bad mother said that the boys’ father, Scott Root, was also home but he had been sleeping during the incident. The boys were released to the custody of their father after leaving Marlborough Clinic with no significant medical findings or injuries, police said. Julie Root was released from custody on a $10,000 non-surety bond and is scheduled to appear at Middlesex Superior Court in Middletown, CT., on April 20. She is charged with two counts of risk of injury to a minor and two counts of reckless endangerment.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Julie re: Desktop trashed by Windos update Dear Webby Is there a way to stop Windows update from trashing and reorganizing my desktop? Or at least to restore it? I get so frustrated I could kill, when the required restart after an update messes everything up. When I reboot normally once a month, everything stays in place, so why does an update restart screw everything up? Sorry, didn't mean to yell and while at you, but you are the only one I know who actually listens. Julie Dear Julie I know how you feel! You are definitely not the only one who is severely annoyed by that problem. Go to my Tool Box at http://webby.com/tools and download Save My Desktop Hit that and save your desktop after each time you add or move icons, or at least before doing a Windows update. When the dektop gets trashed, you can hit that icon, after you find where Windows shuffled it to, and hit it, but select RESTORE instead of SAVE. Another trick that seems to help is to shut all programs down before doing the silly update mandated restart. The problem seems to be with interrupted shutdowns. If the shutdown is stopped because of an unsaved file, then that virtually guarantees that your desktop gets trashed. Instead of saving a snapshot to disk, as if you had told it to hibernate, Windows just loses it's marbles. Best of course is to do both. Save the desktop AND shut down every program before letting Windows do that nuisance reboot. Have FUN! DearWebby
There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at Tim Alley's Grocery Store. The owner Tim doesn't know what Junior's problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They say he is two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles shy of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they offer Junior his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always takes the nickel, they say, because it's bigger. One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, Tim got him off to one side and said, "Junior, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?" Junior replied, "Nah, if I took the dime, they'd quit giving me nickles!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tracking Credit Card Rewards Make sure to check your monthly statements to see if you can redeem any of your reward points. Many credit cards accumulate reward points based on the amount you spend. Eventually those reward points expire, so use them before you lose them. You can earn everything from gift cards to cash! By Lewis from Port Orchard, WA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through. So she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said "Oh, am I driving?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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And here is a real groaner of a pun: Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Ford Econoline ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a daring and otherwise brilliant crime and then make such an obvious error... ... He replied: "I 'ad no Monet to buy Degas to make de Van Gogh."...

» Olives
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Computer video to old style TV 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, April 14, 2010

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. --- Robert Benchley People will buy anything that is one to a customer. --- Sinclair Lewis
Thanks tp Roland for this story: Being the office supervisor, I had to have a word with a new employee who never arrived at work on time. I explained that her tardiness was unacceptable and that other employees had noticed that she was walking in late every day. After listening to my complaints, she agreed that this was a problem and even offered a solution. "Is there another door I could use?"
The happy couple were being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary. The society reporter asked, "In all that time, did you ever consider a divorce?" "Oh, no, not divorce, we're too old fashioned for that," the husband replied. "Murder quite frequently," the wife offered "but never divorce."
Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Mowry, 33, and Jethra Guzman, 32. Monitoring bracelets aid Berwick police in identifying two burglars BERWICK, Maine — Electronic monitoring bracelets helped police identify two people responsible for four residential burglaries in January. Arrests warrants have been drafted for the two suspects, but they have yet to be arrested because they are in custody in New Hampshire for unrelated crimes. The burglaries happened in mid-January on Cemetery Road, Pine Hill Road, Little River Road and Blackberry Road. Cash, jewelry and electronics were all stolen from the homes. Capt. Jerry Locke said the big break in the case came at the last burglary on Jan. 31, at the Blackberry Road residence. A witness took down the plate number of the vehicle the two suspects were in and police in Somersworth were able to stop them. Police identified the pair as Michael Mowry, 33, last known address of 1 Thomas St., Rochester and Jethra Guzman, 32, last know address of 5 Woodside Commons Park, Somersworth. Upon further investigation, police learned that both suspects were on electronic monitoring because of pending drug-related cases out of New Hampshire. Locke said police were able to look at the records of the monitoring devices and track the two to the other burglary locations on the days they occurred. Mowry is currently incarcerated in the New Hampshire State Prison in Concord for his drug-related charges, while Guzman is being held at the Strafford County jail. Both will be facing burglary charges when police get a chance to arrest them. Burglary is a Class B crime punishable by up to 10 years in prison. Locke said the pair may also be involved in other burglaries in the area as well, but noted those burglaries are still under investigation.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Fast Eddie re: Use an old TV as a monitor Hey Mr Webby; Got a question for you! I want to watch a video from my PC to my TV. Now is it better to to get another video card to watch TV or get a "VGA Splitter?" And the cords? What will I need? I have thee old TV, in which does not have the updated hook ups. Though I have a DVD Player that may have what I need to get connected. Thanks & have a great day/week. Eddie Dear Eddie You would need a video card that has TV output and the same kinds of sockets in the back as you got on a VCR. Then you plug the TV into those sockets instead of the VCR. Keep in mind that the video on an old TV is VERY crappy compared to even a very old computer monitor. You can get perfectly good 20" 1600 x 1200 monitors for as little as $115 at http://www.nextag.com/1600x1200-monitor/products-html I doubt that you can get a video card with VCR output for that price. Have FUN! DearWebby
What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws? Outlaws are wanted.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Carry Insulated Shopping Bag in Your Car Frugal and Green! Purchase one of those heavy duty insulated shopping bags and keep it in your car for when you're grocery shopping, especially here in the South, and in the summer. You will be surprised at how beneficial it will be and how often you'll be glad you have it handy. They are very inexpensive, fold flat, take up little storage space in your car when not in use and open to a generous size bag. I bought mine at Sam's Club, but they are available elsewhere. By Sandy from Elon, NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Nancy, a city girl, married a farmer. One morning, before the farmer went out to the field, he said, "Honey, today the artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of the cows. I put a nail in a two-by-four over the stall. Please show him which one it it is." When he arrived, Nancy led him down the row of stalls until she saw the nail. She pointed to the stall and he asked her, "Are you sure?" "It's the one with the nail," said Nancy. "What's the nail for?" asked the man. "I guess it's to hang your pants on," replied Nancy.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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What's the definition of an optimist? An liberal arts major with a pager.

» Martha's Vinyard:
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Getting and turning on ActiveX 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The most erroneous stories are those we think we know best - and therefore never scrutinize or question. --- Stephen Jay Gould Karaoke bars combine two of the nation's greatest evils: people who shouldn't drink with people who shouldn't sing." --- Tom Dreesen
A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use, on the average, only 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat or explain everything they say. He replied, "What do you mean?"
A young minister sitting down to dinner was about to say Grace when he opened the casserole dish that his thrifty bride had prepared from all of the refrigerator leftovers. "I don't know," he said dubiously, "but it seems to me that I've blessed all this stuff already."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ronald Washington, 33, of Uniontown, Pennsylvania PA. dad jailed for pot in son's Elmo backpack - The Associated Press UNIONTOWN, PA. — A western Pennsylvania father has been jailed after police say he went to his son's elementary school to retrieve nearly four ounces of marijuana from the boy's Elmo backpack. State police say 33-year-old Ronald Washington, of Uniontown, called Menallen Elementary School to ask if his son had arrived for kindergarten Thursday morning. Police say Washington told school officials he needed to get something from the Sesame Street-themed backpack, prompting school officials to search it. School officials called police when they found the pot, and troopers were waiting to arrest Washington when he arrived shortly before 9 a.m. Washington was jailed when he was unable to post $100,000 bond.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Shirley re: Turn on Active X Dear Webby, You have helped me in the past and have really appreciated all your help. Where do I find ActiveX on a windows XP? Can't seem to find it anywhere. Keep up the news letter and you make my day. Love your computer tips which is what I check first. Thank you Shirley Dear Shirley Active X is included with the regular Windows updates and patches. You just have to enable it. In Internet Explorer Tools > Internet Options > Security > Custom Level Now scroll down and check the boxes that say Javascript and Active X. Or use FireFox. It doesn't need the ActiveX training wheels to work. Have FUN! DearWebby
Dog looks at human and thinks: "My hero, my friend, my buddy." Cat looks at human and thinks: "My can-opener."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Plastic Boxes as Litter Boxes Way too long for here. Read it at http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child." "Please forgive me," responded the underclassman. "I didn't realize you were pregnant."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home". Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again. "Johnatahan," she said, "I don't like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath." "Don't worry." replied her husband. "If the neighbors do see you, they'll buy curtains."

» Toothpick Sculptures:
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YouTube problems 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, April 12, 2010

Maturity is only a short break in adolescence. --- Jules Feiffer The average person thinks he isn't. --- Father Larry Lorenzoni When you're through changing, you're through. --- Bruce Barton
I don't think I'll ever have a mother's intuition. A friend left me alone in a restaurant with her 16-month-old kid. I asked, "What do I do if he cries?" She said, "Give him some vegetables." It turns out that jalapenos are not his favorite vegetable and I will not be asked to babysit again.
There are three ways to get something done: Do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your children to do it.
Thank to dad for these pictures: Same picture large Same picture large He bought one small leaf about a dozen years ago, now he has to trim it and give leaves to visitors, AND use a steel pipe and a hoop to keep it from spreading and turning into a fence. Each blossom lasts just one day. On the second picture you also see yesterday's blossom, and the start of the next leaf.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Kelly, 31 of Salisbury, NC, and his mother Bad April Fools Joke Salisbury, NC (The Weekly Vice) Michael Kelly, a 31-year-old Salisbury man, was arrested April 1st for speeding when an April Fools joke went horribly wrong. According to Rowan County deputies, Kelly was first noticed when he ran a red light. Deputy Williams began to follow Kelly but Kelly just went faster. Deputy Williams tried to stop Kelly but when the pursuit reached speeds up to 120mph, the deputy called for assistance. After a brief chase, Kelly slowed down and Deputy Williams was able to take him in to custody. According to officers, Kelly's reason for the high-speed chase was because his mother had called from a nearby city to inform him that his 9-year-old son was missing and she was frantic and yelling. During processing, Deputy Williams answered Kelly's cell phone and asked Kelly's mother if the boy had been located. It was at this point that Williams and Kelly learned that it was all a joke. Kelly was booked in the Rowan County Detention Center on charges of felony speeding to elude arrest, driving with a suspended license and failure to stop at a red light. Michael Kelly, 31 of Salisbury, NC It is not known at this time if the "prank" was arranged after the chase startd or before. Running red lights on a suspended license and doing 120 in town sure did not get him any closer to his far away son.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Donna Re: uTube problem Dear Webby, My husband recently got a new computer with Windows XP, but when he gets an email with a link to a You Tube video, he cannot open it. Is there something that should be installed in order for him to open these? As usual...thanks so much... Donna Dear Donna Without knowing whatever error message he gets, I don't want to put my foot into my mouth too far. He needs the current version of Adobe Flash Player, and he needs Javascript enabled in hs browser. If he uses IE instead of FireFox, he also needs Active-X, and possibly even Active-X for Adobe. There is good info at http://kb2.adobe.com/cps/191/tn_19166.html Have FUN! DearWebby
Picture this: A Santa Clara County Department of Correction bus is heading for Civic Center after transporting inmates to Elmwood Correctional Facility. All of a sudden, the driver notices he's being followed. Odd, he thinks. It's even more odd when he drives the bus down the intake ramp into the main jail and two vehicles -- a pickup truck and a minivan -- continue to follow right behind. The gates slam shut, officers question the occupants of the two vehicles and the reason for the follow-the-leader routine finally becomes clear. There's been a bit of drinking going on, and the guys think the bus is a greyhound and figure it will lead them to its depot and the restrooms they so desperately need. They get a rest, all right. The pickup driver is arrested for drunken driving. The minivan driver is cited for driving with a suspended license. Their vehicles are impounded. Correction officers are bemused. "We at DOC have heard of voluntary surrender, but this is ridiculous,'' says department spokesman Mark Cursi. "We're now wondering if folks can take the next step: self-booking.''
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Looking At Everyday Household Energy Usage Way too long for here. Read it at http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

In the middle of World War II, a draftee goes in for his physical wearing a truss, and with a little convincing acting, gets his papers marked M.E. for Medically Exempt. Not long after, a friend gets his orders to report for a physical, and he borrows the other fellow's truss. At the end of the examination, the doctor stamped M.E. on his papers. "Does that mean I'm medically exempt?" he asked. "No," the examining doctor says. "M.E. stands for Middle East. Anyone who can wear a truss upside-down can certainly ride a camel."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Little Jimmy was laying about on a hillock in the middle of a meadow on a warm spring day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape. Soon, he began to think about God. "God? Are you really there?" Jimmy said out loud. To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds. "Yes, Jimmy? What can I do for you?" Seizing the opportunity, Jimmy asked, "God? What is a million years like to you?" Knowing that Jimmy could not understand the concept of infinity, God responded in a manner to which Jimmy could relate, "A million years to me, Jimmy, is like a minute." "Oh," said Jimmy. "Well, then, what's a million dollars like to you?" "A million dollars to me, Jimmy, is like a penny." "Wow!" remarked Jimmy, getting an idea. "You're so generous...can I have one of your pennies?" God replied, "Sure thing, Jimmy! Just a minute."

» Puppies
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Currently best map and route planning site 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, April 11, 2010

Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong. --- Dandemis
As Morris and his wife Sherry were planning a vacation. They ended up in an argument, "It's 'Hawaii', I'm telling you!" Sherry said. "I never KNEW someone so stubborn! 'Havaii' is how it's pronounced!" he replied. And so it went all the way to the vacation... As they got off the airplane, they passed a man. Morris abruptly stopped his wife and turned to the man to ask, "Now that we're on the island, you can settle an argument between my wife and me. Is this 'Hawaii' or 'Havaii?'" "This is Havaii," the man replied. "Ha!" the husband gloated to his wife. "See, didn't I tell you never to argue with me?" As they began to walk away, Morris turned back and gave the man a hearty "Thank you!" "You're Ferry Velcome!" the Hawaiian called back.
After much urging by his wife, Uncle Joe applied for work on a farm. The foreman decided to give him a try and told him to milk a cow, equipping him with a stool and a bucket. An hour later Uncle Joe returned dirty and sweaty, the bucket in one hand and the broken stool in the other. "Extracting the milk was easy," he explained. "The worst part was getting the cow to sit on the stool!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John Marika, 25, in Port Richey, Florida Mugger on bicycle has no chance against scooter From 10Connects, Tampa, Florida Port Richey, Florida - Sometimes news happens when you're out covering other news. And that's just what happened Friday. We were out at Wal-Mart Friday doing a interview with Charles Salvatore, who will ride his motorized scooter from Zephyrhills to Alaska to raise awareness of liver diseases for the American Liver Foundation. While we were interviewing Salvatore, a man on a bicycle grabbed a money container from Salvatore's 10-year-old nephew who was helping the family with the fundraiser. The suspect took off from the Wal-Mart and bystanders and family gave chase. So did Charles on his 50cc scooter. They caught up with the suspect, and Salvatore, who looks like he is a head taller and 150 pounds heavier than the mugger, tackled him and held him until police arrived. The suspect was arrested and will most likely be charged with strong armed robbery. As the officer was putting the suspect into the cruiser he apologized to Charles, and cursed at our cameraman.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: MaryLee Re: Is Google Earth Pro worth it? Dear Webby, I used to plan trips by using Google Earth, but found out the hard way, that they dumbed it down, possibly for all the silly nitwits who got conned into wide screen monitors. And you can't use multiple points any more, and can't import lists of way points any more either, unless you buy Google Earth Pro. I searched all over, but have not found any positive comments about Google Earth Pro. I know you do detail planning for your trips. What do you use for that? MaryLee Dear MaryLee Yes, Google did indeed "dumb down" Google Earth, to the point where it is a rather useless kid's toy. The $400 Google Earth Pro is the same, except they allow you multiple way points and let you import them from a spreadsheet, just like the old, GOOD, version let you do for a small annual fee. I certainly won't pay $400 just for that. And I too have not found a single positive mention of it. Google Maps hasn't been dumbed down quite that much, probably just enough, so that Vista and W7 won't crash on it. It works OK for spot checking, but is no longer good enough for extensive route planning. Nowadays I use MapQuest. It has not been dumbed down for the new versions of Windows. Actually, they added some small improvements. They still use the big, fat, mushy lines for the route, but other than that, Mapquest is quite good. Booking hotels right from Mapquest is a breeze, even looking for restaurants or sights. There is plenty of room for improvements, but right now Mapquest beats Google by a good margin. Then there is Microsoft's Bing.com/maps. It has better graphics, and a nice thin and sharp route line. However, when you zoom in, it tends to lose the route line, or sometimes the point flag wanders off a few miles. That "feature" takes some getting used to! And you can't pop up hotels, restaurants, etc. And it still needs customization options, like road name font sizes, the ability to toggle the route line layer below road names, or auto-center and zoom on double-click, and actually quite a long wish list. Yet. It definitely is a work in progress, but looks promising. If they keep at it, in a year or two they will beat both Google and Mapquest. I will keep an eye on it, and check their progress. Have FUN! DearWebby
At Sunday school, the teacher asked Johnny, "Johnny, could you tell me what are we supposed to do to deserve the salvation?" "Yeah, of course" Little Johnny replied. "We're supposed to do a whole bunch of sinning first, so that we got something to be forgiven for!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Flower Pot Air Fresheners Make some cute, all-natural flower pot air fresheners! You will need: Supplies: * small terra cotta flower pots (about 4 inch height) * lacy fabric or cheesecloth cut into 8 inch circles * 30 inches of ribbon * baking soda * essential oils Instructions: First, stop any holes in the bottom of the pots with tape. Fill them with baking soda and mix in about 10 drops or so of your favorite essential oil. Place the circle of fabric over the pot and secure by tying the ribbon around the rim with a bow. To freshen just stir in a few more drops of oil, and change the baking soda every few months. I love these little pots, they leave a nice, subtle scent without chemicals or synthetic perfumes. They're lovely in smaller rooms like the kitchen or bathroom, and inexpensive to make. I even used some old lace curtains for the fabric. The only trick is to place them where kids, pets (or you!) won't knock them over too easily. By Tapestry Lady from England http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The teacher said, "Now class, we know their are 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day, and 365 days in a year, so who can tell me how many seconds there are in a year?" All the kids looked baffled by the question except Rufus, who raised his hand and waved it excitedly. "Yes, Rufus, how many seconds are there in a year?" the teacher asked. Replied Rufus, "Twelve, m'am. January second, February second, March second..."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Linda had gotten a new job as a reporter at her local newspaper and she was brought in to meet the crusty old editor on her first day on the job. "Names, names," the old editor insisted to the new reporter. "No story is complete without the names of everyone involved." Linda assured him she would make him proud of her reporting abilities, and her first assignment was to write an article on a local disaster. She came back a few hours later and filed this report: Three farms in our area were affected by severe lightning storms that struck Thursday night. Mr. and Mrs. Horace Greene reported a fire in their barn. Michael Arlington said several trees were knocked down by the violence of the storm. And Fred Morse reported that three of his cows were struck by lightning. Their names were Bessie, Elsie and Bertha.

» Creepy Crawly Things
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Printer prints purplish-pink 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, April 10, 2010

Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain. --- Friedrich von Schiller Only the shallow know themselves. --- Oscar Wilde Correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't the fine line between sanity and madness gotten finer? --- George Price
Morris bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday.. A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles." "She did," he replied. "But where was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"
came home from school and told dad: "Hey, Dad, I lerned that we decended from apes! Neat, huh ?" That didn't go over well at all, so was told in no uncertaint terms: "YOU might have apes for ancestors, but I sure don't!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Stanislaw Muchy, 39, in Warsaw, Poland Burglary by mail Police in Poland have arrested a man for a series of raids in which he allegedly climbed into large parcels and posted himself to businesses. Stanislaw Muchy, 39, would then apparently climb out at night after staff had clocked off and burgle the premises, reports Metro. He made his getaway by sealing both himself and his loot into another box addressed to his Warsaw home, say police. His scheme came to an end after he fell out with an accomplice, whose job was to deliver him to courier firms, who contacted police. After being tipped off, police said: "We arranged a special delivery of our own, right to the jail."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: Printer prints purplish-pink Dear Webby, I was happy to read about the ink cartridge question. My printer has individual ink cartridges, and all cartridges are almost full....however all of a sudden I get little color when printing except this purplish-pink. When I print a document it's fine in black ink. Can you give me any clues? I've gone to start and went through the cleaning of the printer menu. Thanks. Carol Dear Carol That sounds like your color cartridges are drying up. Look at them carefully and find the air breather hole, and cover that with a bit of duck tape. Then lay the cartridge into a dish with warm water for half an hour. After that, dry it off, peel the tape, and use it to print in THAT color right away. Just make a painting that has half the page in that color. USUALLY, that clears up that problem. If it doesn't, get remanufactured cartridges from Atlantic Inkjet .com. Those will be refillable and you can get a refill kit from them. Have FUN! DearWebby
If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Calculate the Best Prices at Supermarkets Today's tip is way too long for here. You can read it at http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Sammy has stolen the rabbi's gold watch. He didn't feel too good about it, so he decided, after a sleepless night, to go to the rabbi. 'Rabbi, I stole a gold watch.' 'But Sammy! That's forbidden! You should return it immediately!' 'What shall I do?' 'Give it back to the owner.' 'Do you want it?' 'No, I said return it to its owner.' 'But he doesn't want it.' 'In that case, you can keep it.'
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, sir."

» Chocolate Life
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Refilling printer ink 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, April 9, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face. --- Dave Barry And other skiers too!
Linda invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six- year-old daughter and said,"Would you like to say the blessing?" "I don't know what to say," she replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," her mother told her. The daughter bowed her head and said: "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these ungrateful nuts to dinner?"
Most women have these two complaints: nothing to wear and not enough closet space!
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to William Ferris, 27, Cincinnati, Ohio Reported himself for paying a hooker William Ferris, an Ohio man yesterday paid a prostitute $50 with the understanding that he would receive a full menu of sexual services in the bathroom of a White Castle in Cincinnati. However, when the hooker only performed oral sex on him, Ferris--who was also expecting vaginal sex--contacted police to report that he had just been robbed. When Hamilton County Sheriff's Office deputies responded to Ferris's 911 call, his "story began to fall apart," according to an arrest report. Ferris admitted that he was not, in fact, robbed by his unidentified paid date. In an interview, a frustrated Ferris told TSG that he expected "all of it for $50," but just got "kissing and sucking" during the 20-minute bathroom encounter. He added that the hooker picked the White Castle for their assignation since its bathroom locked (and not because of the eatery's tasty belly bombers). The unemployed Ferris, charged with solicitation and making a false police report, was scheduled to be arraigned today on the misdemeanor counts. He also will be charged with trespassing if he returns to the White Castle on Harrison Avenue. Just as dumb, but not as cute as yesterday's Bonehead.
From Kathy I agree with you about the morons. I use your Squirrel e cards all the time. My friends love it. Have a great rest of the week. Thank you for all your great information. I have learned a lot. Kathy Dear Kathy I don't want to take the credit for that site. It is owned and designed and maintained by a lady named Barbara Kee We just supply the basic templates and the UNIX engine under the hood, that ensures that 1) nobody can attach anything malicious to the cards, and 2) delivers them to the recipient address. and 3) tells the sender about the pick-up event. You can open a postcard page or site too, if you have a dozen or more pictures. We even supply the templates to get started. You can of course edit them any way you want, but you get a head-start and don't have to figure things out the hard way. The FREE BASIC version is free. It is kept very basic, so that you can quickly and easily see how things flow, without getting overwhelmed by a Million options. Have FUN! DearWebby From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: Printer ink Dear Webby, my printer has been a good one through the years (HP) but the cartridges for it are expensive. How do you feel about refilling the ink cartridges? Will it mess up my printer? My cartridges are over $40 each. Thanks, Webby and thanks for your great website! Carolyn Dear Carolyn We have refilled our ink cartridges with ink from Atlantic Inkjet for probably 10 or more years. Never a problem with the ink. HPs usually fail in the electronics. They are not meant to last forever, ya know. Have FUN! DearWebby
This is next joke is not a new and current news event, but a story I reprint almost every year: An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate. The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result. "This guy must have messed up the settings way too much," the off-duty officer thought. A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Seeds from Store Bought Tomatoes I bought a tomato at the store and squeezed the seeds onto a paper towel. After they dried, I cut the paper around the seed and planted them in good potting soil. Keep damp and you will have tomato plants in about a week. I tried planting seeds immediately after squeezing the tomato and they did not grow, so you must dry the seeds. By Dajavooi from Independence, MO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Two assassins are hired to kill a dictator in South America. They follow his every move for months, and find out that every day at noon he goes outside and does his stretching exercises. So the assassins set up shop right across the street, get all of their sights set, load the guns, and have everything ready to go. Noon comes, no dictator...... 10 minutes longer........no dictator. One assassin turns to the other and says, "Gee, I hope nothing happened to him."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Linda and Marion were comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business. "I started a new practice last year," Linda said. "I insist that each of my employees take at least a week off every three months." "Why in the world would you do that?" Marion asked. "It's the best way I know of to learn which ones I can do without," Linda said.

» Right Angle Fotos
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Fake virus alert 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, April 8, 2010

Architecture is the art of how to waste space. --- Philip Johnson A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. --- Mark Ardis
"When you exit this vehicle, please lower your head and watch your step. If you fail to do so, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you."
While meeting with a client he wished to impress, a big executive flipped on his intercom and barked to his secretary, "Miss Jones, get my broker on the line." "Yes sir," came back a loud voice, "stock or pawn or marriage?"
Thanks to Angie for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tasha Lee Cantrell, 19, of Fort Walton Beach, Florida Underage drinking in cop carTasha Lee Cantrell. The 19-year-old Floridian was riding in a car early Monday morning when the vehicle's driver was pulled over and arrested for DUI. As a tow truck arrived to remove her friend's car, a stranded Cantrell asked Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office Deputy Mitchell Landis for a ride home to her Fort Walton Beach residence. Landis agreed, but only after checking Cantrell's purse for any contraband, according to an offense report. While chauffeuring Cantrell, Landis heard the teenager "open a can of some sort" in the back of the cruiser. The can had not been in her purse, or it would have been confiscated during the purse check. "As I looked at my in car video I observed Cantrell drinking out of an unknown can." Landis stopped his car and, upon further investigation, determined that Cantrell had popped open a can of Steel Reserve, a malt liquor known for its high alcohol content. "When I opened the rear passenger door I observed Cantrell attempting to hide the can between her legs. I retrieved this can and noticed it was Steel Reserve Beer," reported Landis, who immediately arrested Cantrell for underage drinking. Instead of being shuttled to her doorstep, Cantrell, pictured in the below mug shot, was rerouted to the sheriff's office, where she was booked on the misdemeanor charge. Tasha Lee Cantrell, 19, of Fort Walton Beach, Florida Glamor shot courtesy of the sheriff's office.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elen Re: Fake virus alert I have been advised from two different email addresses that I recently tried to use to send to that the Disturbing Squirrel Postcards website - http://www.greysquirrel.net/postcards2.html - which is part of your network, tried to load a virus into the message. I am not sure you are the right person to report this to - but I did not see another address for problems. This was detected by Norton Utilities. Thank you, Ellen Stenstrom Dear Ellen Some disturbed morons lied to you. The postcards are on a UNIX server, not on a Windows computer. It is physically impossible for Mypostcards.com type cards to carry a virus, and they are purposely designed so that they can't carry ANY attachments. Site owners like GreySquirrel just supply pictures, music, and safe text. Card senders can select from those pictures and music and text, and can add their own text. That's it. Nobody can add a virus or any form of malware. We control the hard compiled UNIX software on the servers, and nobody can mess with that. Don't worry about the postcards, worry about those morons! Either their machines are infected and giving them false warnings, encouraging them to download fake anti-virus stuff that actually contains trojan programs, or else they are just making up lies to rattle your chain and make you look silly. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two die-hard golfers saw some kids fishing at the lake. One said to the other, "Look at those idiots fishing in the rain!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Knit Shawls in the Spring It's Spring and scarf season is over - so if you are a knitter - switch over to rectangular shawls. It's the same only a bit longer and wider! And you can use up leftover yarn by using a different yarn per each row or so. By Pamphyila from LA, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Golfer: "Well caddy, do you like my game?" Caddy: "Very good, sir! But personally I prefer golf."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A car was involved in an accident. As one might expect, a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story, pushed and struggled to get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through please! I am the son of the victim." The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

» Photos by George Wetter
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File Error Notification 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, April 7, 2010

A coupla months in the laboratory can save a coupla hours in the library. --- Westheimer's Discovery Language is the source of misunderstandings. --- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Sound travels slowly. Sometimes the things you say when your kids are teenagers don't reach them till they're in their 40s.
There was a Captain of a ship, and everyday at a certain time he would lock himself up in his cabin and look inside a mysterious black box. He did this every day, but he told nobody what was inside that box. Then one day he died and in his testament he wrote: "Now you can open the black box." So they opened the black box. And what they found was a piece of paper, on it was written "Starboard is right, port is left."
Thanks to Kay for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Donald Wolfe, 55, Brookville, Pennsylvania Drunk man tried to revive roadkill A US man has been charged with public drunkenness after he tried to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to roadkill. Police arrested Donald Wolfe, 55, after witnesses reported seeing him trying to revive a long dead possum, reports the Philadelphia Inquirer. One reported seeing Mr Wolfe kneeling before the animal and gesturing as though he were conducting a seance. Another reported seeing him give mouth to mouth resuscitation to the carcass on a highway north-east of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. State police trooper Jamie Levier said the animal had been dead a while. Trooper Levier says the Brookville man was "extremely intoxicated" and "did have his mouth in the area of the animal's mouth, I guess". A possum is about the size of a domestic cat. The animals are known for feigning death when threatened, hence the phrase "playing possum".
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elvira Re: File Error Notification Dear Webby I got this email telling me about some file error notification, and to click on some weird address to diagnose and fix it. Is that legit? Elvira Dear Elvira Do NOT click on anything in that email. Delete it, then dump it from the trash. If you click on that, your computer is infected with a ransom-ware trojan virus, that you probably can't get rid off without formatting and re-installing Windows. Have FUN! DearWebby
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. Give him a modem, and he won't bother you all night.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Grate Orange Rind Before Eating No new tip today Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Upon her engagement, the exuberant young woman went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Ms Leibovitz heard rumors that there was sexual harrassment going on at New York City Transit and went to work there. However, when nobody lived up to that rumor and provided her with any sexual harrassment, she sued the Transit authority, that having to worry about getting sexually harrassed or not, was a form of sexual harrassment and caused her to gain weight. She was originally awarded $60 000, however last Wednesday the Second Circuit Court of Appeals threw out the jury award and reversed a lower court judge's ruling supporting it. As of now, not getting sexual harrassment is not a form of sexual harrassment.

» The Skinny on Vinegar
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Which LCD monitors are better? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats. --- Howard Aiken The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase; if you pursue happiness you'll never find it. --- C. P. Snow
A young woman was preparing a ham dinner. After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking. Her friend asked her,"Why did you cut off the end of the ham"? And she replied ,"I really don't know but my mother always did, so I thought you were supposed to." Later when talking to her mother she asked her why she cut off the end of the ham before baking it, and her mother replied,"I really don't know, but that's the way my mom always did it." A few weeks later while visiting her grandmother, the young woman asked, "Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end of a ham before you bake it?" Her grandmother replied ,"Well dear, otherwise it would never fit into my baking pan."
Little Johnny was rough housing with his dog. His mother said to him, "Now, Johnny, I know you love Wilbur, but you're loving him too much. How would you feel if someone huge picked you up and squeezed you so hard you couldn't breathe?" Little Johnny thought a moment and then said, "I guess I'd feel like it was my birthday and Aunt Agnes was here to squeeze the cake out of me!"
Careful!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Alexa Gonzalez in New York City US girl sues for $1m over arrest for desk scribble Alexa Gonzalez was led out of her school in handcuffs by police A 12-year-old US schoolgirl is suing the New York City authorities for $1m (£650,000) in damages after she was arrested for writing on her desk. Alexa Gonzalez was led out of her school in handcuffs by police after she was caught scribbling a message to her friends with an erasable, green marker. Miss Gonzalez and her mother are suing the police and education departments in New York City. They are claiming for excessive use of force and violation of her rights. Miss Gonzalez was caught scribbling "I love my friends Abby and Faith" on her desk during a Spanish class in February. The 12-year-old said her Spanish teacher then "dragged" her to the dean's office, where eventually police had to be called to deal with her. Miss Gonzalez told the New York Daily News she broke down as she was led out of Junior High School 190 in Queens in handcuffs. She said she was then held at a local school precinct for hours in what she calls a traumatising and excessive ordeal. New York City officials, considering that the schools and police have too much money, chose not to back them up and announced the arrest was a mistake, saying better judgement should have been used by the arresting officers. Miss Gonzalez was suspended from school and tried in a family court, where she was given eight hours of community service and ordered to write an essay about lessons to be learned from the incident. Her family's lawyer said the school had overreacted by calling the police. He of course did not mention any difficulties the dean's office had in dealing with her. "We want to stop this from happening to other young children in the future," the lawyer, Joseph Rosenthal, told the New York Daily News. Even if the schools and the police get off, the public admission of a mistake, instead of an internal action, will cost the city a lot of lawyer bills.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Andy Re: LCD monitors Dear Webby While shopping for an LCD monitor I noticed that some of them have a soft and flexible surface and others have a hard glass surface. Which are better? Andy Dear Andy The hard glass surface monitors are a class better than the ones with the soft plastic surface. The glass does not scratch and is not fussy about how you clean it. The soft plastic does not protect the fragile glass behind it, it just glosses over the coarse resolution of a cheap monitor. It gives you, at first glance, the impression that you got a reasonably high resolution, but when you look closer you see that fine details are mushy. Glass front monitors are usually more expensive, but provide a class better resolution. For example, on the Lenovo LP201p, that I use, writing that can be covered up with a wooden match, is perfectly legible, sharp and without jaggies, and it has the 1600 x 1200 resolution, that I need. yes, you CAN get 1600 x 1200 LCDs with proper 4:3 ratio, but not at Walmart or other bargain places. Even though good monitors costs more than bargain monitors, they still cost less than eye glasses. Have FUN! DearWebby
I find it strange that all those psychics claim they know my future and the winning lottery numbers, yet they fail miserably in predicting that I dump their mail without reading it.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Grate Orange Rind Before Eating Before I eat an orange, or use the juice of a lemon, I always grate the rind off, and keep frozen in a container. Then when a recipe calls for either, I always have some zest on hand. Handy to have to whip up a special salad dressing, too! By Pergammano from Galiano, B.C. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
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A young minister, in the first days of his first parish, was obliged to call upon the widow of an eccentric man who had just died. Standing before the open casket and consoling the widow, he said, "I know this must be a very hard blow, Mrs. Jones. But we must remember that what we see here is the husk only, the shell -- the nut has gone to heaven."

» feeding eagles at Comox
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Which mouse lasts longest? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, April 5, 2010

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. --- Mae West
John: I got this great new hearing aid the other day. Mary: Are you wearing it now? John: Yup. Cost me four thousand dollars, but it's the best that money can buy. Mary: What kind is it? John: Twelve-thirty.
Morris was at his usual place sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of smarts and common sense. He turned to his wife Sherry, with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest bozos get the most attractive wives." His wife replies, "Why thank you, dear!"
Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!" Another one said, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "Because God told me!" Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT !!"
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this piture: Should I pounce on my sister, or should I have a nap?
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Franchesca Dominique Edwards, 25 from Norfolk, Virginia Naked in elevator A Norfolk woman was arrested at the new Hilton Hotel & Spa in Short Pump Friday night after being found nude in an elevator with a toy gun. According to Henrico Police, 25-year-old Franchesca Dominique Edwards was found after “strange noises” were heard in the elevator around 8:30 p.m. A hotel staff member asked Edwards to leave. When she refused, she pulled a fake gun, reportedly a cap pistol, on the employee, who then called police. Glamor Shot at the Cop Shop tastefully dressed in a prison shirt. The woman was arrested by authorities at the hotel, in the 12000 block of West Broad Street, in the parking lot. Edwards was charged with indecent exposure and brandishing a weapon.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Maryann Re: Which mouse lasts the longest? Dear Webby I use my computer a lot, and when I don't, my hubby does. It used to be that a decent mouse lasted as long as a computer, but that sure doesn't seem to be the case any more. My half year old Logitech mouse starts freezing the curser, and only unplugging it for a moment or moving it to another USB port gets it working again. Then it works for a few minutes, and freezes up again. Even though crawling under the table and unplugging and replugging the stupid mouse in the dark is probably good exercise, I am sick and tired of it. It's not the USB port. When I got fed up enough I borrowed an old mouse, on which the Paste button is worn out, from my son. Other than the missing Paste, it works fine and never freezes the curser. Is there any way to fix my wired Logitech Laser mouse? If not, which mouse lasts the longest? Thanks Maryann Dear Maryann That mouse has timed out, and is not fixable. If you bought it at Staples and you stil have the receipt, you can trade it in for another one. For the first six months, that is a great mouse, unfortuunately they die young if used a lot. If you don't have a receipt, or if you bought it at Walmart, dispose of it. The mice I get the most hours out of are Microsoft mice. The Laser 6000 and the Intellimouse Explorer both last a couple of years. They don't seem to count the usage hours, and their weak point is the first few inches of cable, not the electronics. THAT is easily fixable. Just shorten the cable a few inches, and it is good for another year or two. Have FUN! DearWebby
Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too. "A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry," she told him. "Really?" asked the boyfriend, "And just how many men are you intending to marry?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Cereal Bags to Leftover Store Ham This is the perfect way to save your Easter ham. A big ham fits perfectly in a recycled bag from a large box of cereal. For ham, I especially like the very large corn flakes bags. It's wonderful as you have no mess with going in and out of the bag as anything messy stays inside the bag. The ham can be "carefully" sliced inside the bag, if you're just slicing a small amount and don't want the mess. You can save the messy stuff inside the bag for future recipes. I save all cereal bags when the box of cereal has been eaten as they are too good to throw away. In my opinion, they are better than anything you can buy to store food or other things in. They're even good to cover seeds, that you have started indoors. Like Thrifty Fun, cereal bags are absolutely wonderful! By Suzy from Clinton, TN. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Neither of Sue's kids ever understood her logic. Somehow they failed to see why THEY had to go to bed when SHE was tired.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
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» EGGS, not just for frying
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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