Monday, June 5, 2017, 08:44 AM Posted by Administrator
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Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, June 5
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida teacher got caught having sex with
student in the back seat of her car.
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 5 in
1752 Benjamin Franklin flew a kite for the first time to
demonstrate that lightning was a form of electricity.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
It is not enough to aim; you must hit.
--- Italian Proverb
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
--- Hunter S. Thompson (1939 - 2005)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Donny, the cleanest version of this ancient joke:
Ole is a farmer in Minnesota. He needs a new milk cow, and
hears about one for sale over in Nordakota. (That would be
North Dakota for you non-Scandahoovians out der.)
He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow.
He reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the
tit and pulls, the cow farts.
Ole is surprised. He looks at the farmer selling the cow, then
reaches under the cow to try again.
He grabs another tit, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk
does come out however, so after some discussion, Ole buys the
cow and takes her home.
He gets back to Minnesota, and calls over his neighbor Jimmy
Mooney, and says, "Jimmy, come look at dis ere new cow I yust
bought. Pull her tit, and see vat happens."
So Jimmy reaches under, pulls the tit - and the cow farts.
Jimmy looks at Ole and sez, "You bought dis here cow in
Nordakota, din'tyah?"
Ole is surprised since he hadn't told Jimmy about his trip.
Ole replies, "Yah, dats right. But how'd yah now?"
Jimmy says, "My wife is from Nordakota."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
My husband went on a sudden business trip, and I
accompanied him. It soon became apparent that he
could not wrap things up in one day, so his employer
put us up for the night in a luxury hotel. We found a
convenience store and purchased toothbrushes, a
razor and other necessary items.
Finally we entered the lobby of the hotel, each of us
toting a brown paper bag filled with supplies. The
hotel manager looked us over.
Raising an eyebrow, he intoned haughtily,
"Matching luggage?"
______________________________________________________
>from Fausto Casaccia from "We Love Lighthouses"
Brittany la vieille - raz de sein - finistère
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Police Cought Florida Drama Teacher Having
Sex With Student in Back of Car
Pamela Stigger,
33,
Tamarac,
Florida
A drama teacher in Tamarac, Florida was caught by the police
having sex with her 15-year-old student in the back of a car,
according to the Miami Herald after local residents complained
about an illegally parked car obstructing traffic and nobody
in the front seats.
Pamela Stigger, 33, claimed she was only trying to mentor
him, after police found her at 2 a.m. Thursday, moments
after she had engaged in sexual acts with a 15-year-old boy in
the back of a car.
2 am mentoring in the back seat?
The arrest report said the Sheriff's office found the teenager
nude from the waist down and that he told the deputies he had
sex with Stigger.
According to a Sheriff's office spokesperson: When [Stigger]
was questioned about what they were doing and if they had, in
fact, engaged in sexual acts, she denied being engaged in
these sexual acts, despite the fact that the young man was
undressed. Considering that they were in the BACKseat with
pants down, that did not fly.
She also tried to claim the student tried to seduce her first,
before changing her story to flat out denial.
Stigger is facing two charges of sexual battery and one
count of lewd conduct with a minor.
She was the student's drama teacher at Forest Glen Middle
School last year and holds a custodial relationship over
him.
Stigger who has worked for the school since 2008, has been put
on administratively reassigned duties away from the school,
and will not be permitted access to students.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Sandra
Re: Why PDF?
Dear Webby
Why are people using PDF for e-books?
It makes it impossible to copy just a few paragraphs
or chapters. How do you get around that?
Sandra
Dear Sandra
The main reason why authors use PDF is to protect their
hard work from copy-cats like you, who want to steal their
work and claim it as their own.
The second reason is that PDF makes a book look
and print the same no matter what kind of computer
the reader uses.
The third reason is that it puts everything, text and
pictures into a nice, neat package without the need
for lots of lose files.
If you just want to copy a paragraph to paste up on your
fridge, use a graphics program and do a screen capture,
size and crop it the way you want it, and then print it.
You can import PDF into Office Libre and some other
programs.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
An older couple had a son, who was still living with his
parents. The parents were a little worried, as the son was
still unable to decide about his future career, so they
decided to do a small test.
They took a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey,
and put them on the front hall table... then they hid,
pretending they were not at home.
The father's plan was: "If our son takes the money, he
will be a businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be
a priest - but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid
our son will be a drunkard."
So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited
nervously.
Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive.
The son saw the note they had left. Then, he took the
10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it
in his pocket.
After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and
took it.
Finally he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an
appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality ... then
he left for his room, carrying all three items.
The father slapped his forehead, and said:
"Darn, it's even worse than I could ever have imagined... "
"What's this mean!?" his wife asked quizzically.
"I'm afraid our son's going to be a politician!"
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Growing Chamomile
By EllenB [810 Posts, 1 Comment]
Description:
Chamomile has dainty, daisy-like white flowers with yellow
centers set on top of thin stems of feathery green leaves. It
comes in creeping or trailing varieties, and seldom grows to
more than 12 inches high. Flowers of the creeping varieties
contain properties sought after in the herb garden and give
off a lovely, apple-like scent.
Life Cycle:
hardy perennial
Exposure:
full sun or partial shade
Cultivation:
Chamomile isn't fussy about the soil it grows in and adapts
well to poor conditions. Sow seeds in a sunny location in the
spring and once established, plants will readily reseed and
spread themselves all over your garden. The plants look
straggly when planted on their own and look better in large
groups or "drifts".
Propagation:
division or seeds
Parts Used:
flowers
Harvesting and Storage:
Use a scissors to clip flowers from stems just as they fully
open. Spread them out on racks or in shallow pans to dry, and
store in an airtight container away from direct sunlight.
Medicinal Uses:
insomnia, digestive relief, and mouthwash
Culinary Uses:
teas, German Chamomile can be added to sour cream to top
potatoes
Other Uses:
hair care, skin care, wreaths, dried flowers, potpourri, and
perennial gardens
Camomile is a very hardy weed and will grow nicely in the
center of rural roads even in the Yukon. Once it is firmly
established your "Tea Farm" will spread on it's own.
Nothing to worry about with lawn. It does not like getting
mowed. You can harvest it all you want, just don't ever mow
it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
____________________________________________________
Tire Jump
____________________________________________________
Clerk in flower shop: "Sorry, we don't have potted
geraniums. Could you use African violets?"
Customer (sadly): "No, it was geraniums my wife
told me to water while she was gone."
___________________________________________________
People are awesome for the month of May 2017.
A tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking
around at the exotica, he notices a very lifelike, life-sized
bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so
striking he decides he must have it.
He took it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?"
"Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the
story," said the owner.
The tourist gave the man twelve dollars. "I'll just take the
rat, you can keep the story."
As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, he
noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys
and sewers and began following him down the street.
This was disconcerting; he began walking faster. But
within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind him had
grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.
He began to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see
that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were
squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.
Concerned, even scared, he ran to the edge of the Bay
and threw the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he
could. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the
Bay after it, and were all drowned.
The man walked back to the curio shop. "Ah ha,"
said the owner, "You have come back for the story?"
"No," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a
bronze politician?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
"Young man," the mother sternly addressed her son,
"there were three cookies in the pantry this morning.
May I ask how it happens that there is only one now?"
"It was dark so I didn't notice the last one."
Today, on June 5, in
1595 Henry IV's army defeated the Spanish at the Battle of
Fontaine-Francaise.
1752 Benjamin Franklin flew a kite for the first time to
demonstrate that lightning was a form of electricity.
1794 The U.S. Congress prohibited citizens from serving in any
foreign armed forces.
1827 Athens fell to the Ottomans.
1851 Harriet Beecher Stow published the first installment of
"Uncle Tom's Cabin" in "The National Era."
1865 The first safe deposit vault was opened in New York. The
charge was $1.50 a year for every $1,000 that was stored.
1917 American men began volunteering for the World War I
draft.
1924 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson transmitted the first facsimile
message across the Atlantic Ocean.
1933 President Roosevelt signed the bill that took the U.S.
off of the gold standard.
1940 During World War II, the Battle of France began when
Germany began an offensive in Southern France.
1942 In France, Pierre Laval congratulated French volunteers
that were fighting in the U.S.S.R. with Germans.
1944 The first B-29 bombing raid hit the Japanese rail line in
Bangkok, Thailand.
1946 The first medical sponges were offered for sale in
Detroit, MI.
1947 U.S. Secretary of State George C. Marshall gave a speech
at Harvard University in which he outlined the Marshall Plan.
1956 Premier Nikita Khrushchev denounced Josef Stalin to the
Soviet Communist Party Congress.
1967 The National Hockey League (NHL) awarded three new
franchises. The Minnesota North Stars (later the Dallas
Stars), the California Golden Seals (no longer in existence)
and the Los Angeles Kings.
1967 The Six Day War between Israel and Egypt, Syria and
Jordan began when they attacked israel.
1975 Egypt reopened the Suez Canal to international shipping,
eight years after it was closed because of the 1967 war with
Israel.
1981 In the U.S., the Center for Disease Control and
Prevention reported that five men in Los Angeles were
suffering from a rare pneumonia found in patients with
weakened immune systems. They were the first recognized cases
of what later became known as AIDS.
1986 A federal jury in Baltimore convicted Ronald W. Pelton of
selling secrets to the Soviet Union. Pelton was sentenced to
three life prison terms plus 10 years.
1998 A strike began at a General Motors Corp. parts factory
near Detroit, MI, that closed five assembly plants and idled
workers across the U.S. for seven weeks.
1998 Volkswagen AG won approval to buy Rolls-Royce Motor Cars
for $700 million, outbidding BMW's $554 million offer.
2001 Amazon.com announced that it would begin selling personal
computers later in the year.
2004 The U.S.S. Jimmy Carter was christened in the U.S. Navy
in Groton, CT.
2017 smiled.
Sunday, June 4, 2017, 10:40 AM Posted by Administrator
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Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, June 4
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Harlem man shot and killed Pensylvania man at
kindergarten graduation party
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 4 in
1783 A hot-air balloon was demonstrated by Joseph and
Jacques Montgolfier. It reached a height of 1,500 feet.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
All power corrupts, but we need the electricity.
--- Socratex
A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in
a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling.
--- Arthur Brisbane
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Brianna
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to
tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I
fished it out and threw it in the garbage.
Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my
bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and
said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one
out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
>From Betty
This was written by a black guy in Texas.....so funny.....
what a great sense of humor and creativity!!!
When I born, I black, when I grow up, I black, when I go
in sun, I black, when I cold, I black, when I scared, I
black, when I sick, I black, and when I die, I still black.
You white folks....when you born, you pink, when you grow
up, you white, when you go in sun, you red, when you cold,
you blue, when you scared, you yellow, when you sick,
you green, when you bruised, you purple,
and when you die, you gray.
So who you are callin' colored folk's ???
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Tremaine Jamison,
27,
Harlem,
New York
Harlem man shot and killed Pensylvania man at
kindergarten graduation party
Police say a New York City man fatally shot a Pennsylvania man
who was hosting a kindergarten graduation party for his son
and several other children.
Witnesses tell state police that a fight or rough play between
the victim's 6-year-old son and another 6-year-old led to an
argument between adults that ended when 27-year-old Tremaine
Jamison shot 29-year-old Devon Brown in the head.
The party and shooting happened Wednesday evening at the
Marion Terrace Apartments in Hanover Township, Luzerne County.
That's near Wilkes-Barre, about 20 miles (32.2 kilometers)
southwest of Scranton.
Online court records show troopers have charged Jamison with
criminal homicide and possessing a prohibited weapon by a
felon. Police say Jamison lives in the Harlem section of New
York City and police were continuing to search for him Friday.
Jamison has previously been arrested for narcotics possession
in New York City. He also served time for robbery.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Enjo
Re: Why are the blacklists listing me?
Dear Webby
I dont spam, but I have a formal newsletter that, just like
yours, jumps through all the hoops, but now I am blocked by
Yahoo and all their fake fronts like SBCglobal, ATT.net, etc.
Why is that?
Enjo
Dear Enjo
Most likely that is due to bouncing, and not your newsletter.
When somebody sends spam to you with a fake name before the
@,
then traditionally that is bounced back to the sender.
Nowadays that is used to load down a server and break down the
defenses. A hacker generates countless spams that have for
example your name mis-spelled in the TO line, and a business
or government address forged in as the sender.
So your server bounces those phony mails to that business or
Government server. When the hackers use a whole network of
infected home computers to send a Million phony mails like
that, the bounces overwhelm the victims server.
The formal name for that is "Backscatter".
If your server bounces mails like that, it gets put into some
blacklists.
`Not all, but some of the blacklists demand $100 or more to
take you off their blacklist. Quite a racket!
The trick is to NOT get onto those blacklists in the first
place. Set your server to never send bounces. Also, turn off
all autoresponders.
Some of the Blacklists send out entrapment mails. If that
entrapment mail bounces back to their trap, your server is
blacklisted and Yahoo blocks mail from your server.
So, stop all traditional bouncing from your server.
It`s just another hoop you have to jump through nowadays.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Thanks to Dianne for this classic:
Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor
of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into
other people's business. Several members did not
approve of her extra-curricular activities, but feared
her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George,
the plumber, a new member, of being an alcoholic after
she saw his pickup parked in front of the town's only bar
one afternoon.
She emphatically told George and several others that
everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment
and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain,
defend, or deny. He said nothing.
Later that evening, George and his crew of plumbers
apprentices quietly parked their pickup trucks in front of
Mildred's house............. and left them there all night.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Microwave Corn on the Cob
By Jackie H. [230 Posts, 109 Comments]
You will never boil corn on the cob again. This is easy, and
the tastiest, sweetest corn ever. You are not boiling all the
flavor out of corn.
You can cook 1 or up to 4 at a time. The time may vary with
how many you are cooking. 4 minutes in the Microwave, turning
over at 2:00 minutes. Add 1 minute for add'l ears of corn.
Follow examples in pictures. Being cautious of hot corn when
it comes out of the Microwave. Using Mitts or pot holders is
wise.
Total Time: 4:00 minutes for 1 ear of corn, add'l 1 per ear.
Yield: As many as you wish to cook.
Source: Online for Microwave cooking!
Steps:
Start by removing old dark husks that are loose only.
With a large sharp knife, cut of stump and about 1/4 inch into
the corn.
Cut away the loose silk and dead husks at the top.
Rinse well in cold water.
Put Corn wrapped in wet paper towel in Microwave
Cook on high for 4:00 minutes, turning over after 2:00
minutes. Carefully removing from Microwave with Mitts or pot
holders.
With a Paper towel, just squeeze the thin end of the corn and
your corn should come sliding out with no husks or silk.
Keep squeezing until corn falls out neat & clean
Ready to eat, Hot, sweet and delicious.
And then there is the bachelor way:
Rinse the cobs
Toss the cobs into the microwave
Nuke them for 4 minutes
Cut off the fat end at the largest point
Grab the hairy end with an oven mitt and squeeze.
IF you cut the fat end at the largest point,
the corn will slide out without any silk.
Until you get the hang of cutting at the largest point,
you may have to re-cut a bit. Most corn is very fussy about
that.
If you cut it right, it slides out with minimal effort.
Butter it a bit, sprinkle salt and pepper on it, and enjoy!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Holy Mother Hear My Prayer - Clapton & Pavarotti
____________________________________________________
Two college seniors with an exam the next day had
decided to party the night away instead of study. So, when
they went to the test the next morning, they explained to
the professor that their car had a flat tire the night
before and they needed a bit more time to study.
The professor gave them another day, so that evening the
boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew
just about everything.
Arriving to class the following morning, each boy was told
to go into separate classrooms to take the exam. They
shrugged and went into their respective rooms. As each
sat down, they read the first question: "For 5 points,
explain the contents of an atom."
At this point, they both thought the exam was going to be
a piece of cake and answered the question with ease.
Then, the test continued:
"For 95 points, tell me which tire it was."
___________________________________________________
I'll bet this smells divine.
Thanks to Kati for this story:
Have you ever told a white lie?
Alice was to bake a cake for the ladies' bridge group bake
sale, but she forgot to do it until the last minute.
She baked an angel food cake and when she took it from the
oven, the center had dropped flat.
She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake."
So, she looked around the house for something to build up
the center of the cake.
Alice found it in the bathroom ... a roll of toilet paper.
She plunked it in and covered it with icing.
The finished product looked beautiful, so she rushed it to
the sale. Before she left the house, Alice had given her
daughter some money and specific instructions to be at
the bake sale the minute it opened, and to buy that cake
and bring it home.
When the daughter arrived at the sale, the attractive cake
had already been sold.
Alice was beside herself.
The next day, Alice was invited to a friend's home where
two tables of bridge were to be played that afternoon.
After the game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off,
the cake in question was presented for dessert.
Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair to
rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it, but
before she could get to her feet, one of the other ladies
said, "What a beautiful cake!"
Alice sat back in her chair and almost wet herself when
she heard the hostess say ..
"Thank you, I baked it myself."
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Here is a real Classic from a long time ago:
COSTELLO BUYS A COMPUTER
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm
thinking about
buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the
windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and
software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to
write
proposals track expenses and run my business. What do you
have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's
just say I'm
sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do
I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start
with some
straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have
anything I can
track my money?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START"....
Today, on June 4
1615 The fortress of Osaka, Japan, fell to shogun Ieyasu after
a six month siege.
1647 The British army seized King Charles I and held him as a
hostage.
1674 Horse racing was prohibited in Massachusetts.
1783 A hot-air balloon was demonstrated by Joseph and Jacques
Montgolfier. It reached a height of 1,500 feet.
1784 Marie Thible became the first woman to fly in a hot-air
balloon. The flight was 45 minutes long and reached a height
of 8,500 feet.
1792 Captain George Vancouver claimed Puget Sound for Britain.
1794 British troops captured Port-au-Prince, Haiti.
1805 Tripoli was forced to conclude peace with U.S. after the
Marines defeated them.
1812 The Louisiana Territory had its name changed to the
Missouri Territory.
1816 The Washington was launched at Wheeling, WV. It was the
first stately, double-decker steamboat.
1878 Turkey turned Cyprus over to Britain.
1896 Henry Ford made a successful test drive of his new car in
Detroit, MI. The vehicle was called a "Quadricycle."
1911 Gold was discovered in Alaska's Indian Creek.
1918 French and American troops halted Germany's offensive at
Chateau-Thierry, France.
1919 The U.S. Senate passed the Women's Suffrage bill.
1924 An eternal light was dedicated at Madison Square in New
York City in memory of all New York soldiers who died in World
War I.
1931 The first rocket-glider flight was made by William Swan
in Atlantic City, NJ.
1935 "Invisible" glass was patented by Gerald Brown and Edward
Pollard.
1939 The first shopping cart was introduced by Sylvan Goldman
in Oklahoma City, OK. It was actually a folding chair that had
been mounted on wheels.
1940 The British completed the evacuation of 300,000 troops at
Dunkirk, France after a failed invasion attempt.
1942 The Battle of Midway began. It was the first major
victory for America over Japan during World War II. The battle
ended on June 6 and ended Japanese expansion in the Pacific.
1943 In Argentina, Juan Peron took part in the military coup
that overthrew Ramon S. Castillo.
1944 The U-505 became the first enemy submarine captured by
the U.S. Navy.
1944 During World War II, the U.S. Fifth Army entered Rome,
which began the liberation of the Italian capital.
1946 Juan Peron was installed as Argentina's president.
1947 The House of Representatives approved the Taft-Hartley
Act. The legislation allowed the President of the United
States to intervene in labor disputes.
1954 French Premier Joseph Laniel and Vietnamese Premier Buu
Loc initialed treaties in Paris giving "complete independence"
to Vietnam.
1960 The Taiwan island of Quemoy was hit by 500 artillery
shells fired from the coast of Communist China.
1974 The Cleveland Indians had "Ten Cent Beer Night". Due to
the drunken and unruly fans the Indians forfeited to the Texas
Rangers.
1974 Sally Murphy became the first woman to qualify as an
aviator with the U.S. Army.
1985 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a lower court ruling
striking down an Alabama law that provided for a daily minute
of silence in public schools.
1986 Jonathan Jay Pollard, a former Navy intelligence analyst,
pled guilty in Washington to spying for Israel. He was
sentenced to life in prison.
1986 The California Supreme Court approved a law that limited
the liability of manufacturers and other wealthy defendants.
It was known as the "deep pockets law."
1989 In Beijing, Chinese army troops stormed Tiananmen Square
to crush the pro-democracy movement. It is believed that
hundreds, possibly thousands, of demonstrators were killed.
2003 The U.S. House of Representatives passed a bill that
would ban "partial birth" abortions with a 282-139 vote.
2003 Amazon.com announced that it had received more than 1
million orders for the book "Harry Potter and the Order of the
Phoenix." The released date was planned for June 21.
2008 The United Kingdom and Canada became the first countries
to be able to buy and rent films at the iTunes Store.
2017 smiled.
Saturday, June 3, 2017, 10:21 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, June 3
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Utah Mom Locked Kids In Car Trunk
To Shop At Walmart
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 3 in
1098 Christian Crusaders of the First Crusade
seized Antioch, Turkey.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
-- Abraham Lincoln
To see what is in front of one's nose needs a
constant struggle.
--- George Orwell (1903 - 1950)
One thing you will probably remember well is any time you
forgive and forget.
--- Franklin P. Jones
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Two friends rented a boat and went fishing in a lake. The
first day, they caught 30 fish. As they were preparing to go
into shore, one man said to the other, "Let's mark this spot
so we can come here again tomorrow."
The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the
same guy said, "Did you mark that spot?"
His friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of
the boat."
The first one said, "That was dumb! What if we don't get the
same boat today?"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
came home from school and mentioned
evolution. Dad hit the roof and started screaming that
evolution was nonsense.
"You migt have descended from an ape!" he yelled,
"But I sure didn't!"
-----------
Actually, that is a joke my dad told at the kitchen table
about 60 years ago.
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Tori Castillo,
39,
Riverdale,
Utah
Utah Mom Locked Kids In Car Trunk
To Shop At Walmart
A Utah mom faces child abuse charges after she allegedly
locked her two kids in the trunk of a car and went shopping at
Walmart.
Tori Castillo was arrested and booked into jail Thursday,
according to a police news release obtained by Gephardt Daily.
She has been charged with four counts of child abuse involving
physical injury and one of retail theft, according to the
Weber County Sheriff's Office.
Riverdale police arrived at a Walmart Thursday for a report of
child neglect, according to the news release. A witness told
them that a woman had locked children in a car's trunk.
Several people heard noise coming from inside the trunk. The
kids, ages two and five, were "moving frantically," "causing
the vehicle to shake."
Charity Maw heard them pounding against the wall, she told
Good4Utah. “The little girl’s voice, just screaming, 'let me
out! I’m scared,'” Maw said.
“I was shocked, I was shaken, and I was mad.”
Shopper Heidi, who didn't want her last name used, told Fox 13
she told the girl how to open the trunk’s emergency latch. The
two sweaty children jumped out right away.
While they waited for police to get there, the mother came
back from the store, Heidi told Fox 13.
"The only explanation she had was, 'My babysitter didn't show
up.'"
Police say the children were released to their father,
according to Good4Utah. The state's Department of Child and
Family Services is also investigating.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Marian
Re: Spam complaints from Juno
Dear Webby
I run a legitimate newsletter but now and then my web host
forwards me spam complaints from Juno. They don't take
them serious, and they say they just forward them for my
amusement, but should I be concerned?
How do you deal with situations like that?
Marian
Dear Marian
The cause of those complaints is some JUNO user clicking
on their "This is spam" button to put your newsletter on
vacation-hold, so that it does not fill up their mailbox while
they are away.
The "techs" at JUNO's mail department don't check, they
blindly malfunction and send out spam complaints.
Just send them a letter telling them that they are a bunch of
incompetent idiots. You can be as abusive as you want,
since the apes there can't read anyway. As long as
something comes back, the matter is settled. It seems
that their complaints are just a klutzy way of checking if
the stuff was sent by a spam machine, or by a human.
A spam machine ignores them, a human tells them they
are a bunch of %$& @#$%s.
Just make sure they don't think you are a spam machine '-)
Actually, I have not seen any complaints from there in a
while. Maybe they are slowly smartening up?
Don't automate your reply to them! That will get you blocked
by the Blacklists and your newsletter will really be in
trouble!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to
each other outside the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and
I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had
that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you
wake up they give you lots of Jell-o and ice cream. It's a
breeze."
The second kid then asks, "What are you
here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
"Whoa!", the second kid replies. "Good luck buddy. I had that
done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cleaning Fingernails After Gardening
By ShirleyE [161 Posts, 103 Comments]
Even if you wear gardening gloves your hands and fingernails
get ingrained with dirt that is hard to remove.
So, before you put your gloves on, scratch a dampened bar of
soap. Don't worry if the soap falls out of your nails as you
do your gardening, there will still be enough soapiness under
them to make this work.
When you clean your hands later, simply add a little more soap
to your nailbrush and the dirt will easily wash away.
Most soils are alkaline so just as an extra measure to
counteract this and to help prevent your skin and nails
becoming dry course and brittle, add a little vinegar, lemon
juice or other acidic foodstuff to a bowl of water for a final
rinse.
when you try to pour water over Hoover Dam
____________________________________________________
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate
agent which direction was north because, he explained, he
didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?"
When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east,
(and has done so for a few Million years), she shook her
head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."
___________________________________________________
I'll bet this smells divine.
Thanks to Martin for this one:
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the
Director,
"What is the criterion that defines a patient to be
institutionalized?"
"Well..." said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, and
offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient
and ask them to empty the bathtub."
1. Would you use the spoon?
2. Would you use the teacup?
3. Would you use the bucket?
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person
would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon
or the teacup."
The answer:
"Noooooo," said the Director. "A normal person would pull the
plug".
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Alternative Names For Cubicles
Soul-Sucking Pod o' Death
Tomb of the Unknown Bureaucrat
Slack-In-The-Box
Headquarters, Jodie Foster Fan Club
Peon Palazzo
Yuppie Terrarium
The SnackFood Triangle
English Majors Entry Point
Luxury Manhattan Apartment.
Picasso's Folly
Porn Downloading Headquarters
Fortress of Servitude
Fartorium
Keyboard test lab
Wraparound Turbo Demoralizer 2017
Today, on June 3
1098 Christian Crusaders of the First Crusade seized Antioch,
Turkey.
1539 Hernando De Soto claimed Florida for Spain.
1621 The Dutch West India Company received a charter for New
Netherlands (now known as New York).
1784 The U.S. Congress formally created the United States Army
to replace the disbanded Continental Army. On June 14, 1775,
the Second Continental Congress had created the Continental
Army for purposes of common defense and this event is
considered to be the birth of the United States Army.
1800 John Adams moved to Washington, DC. He was the first
President to live in what later became the capital of the
United States.
1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tripoli was completed
in the captain's cabin on board the USS Constitution.
1851 The New York Knickerbockers became the first baseball
team to wear uniforms.
1856 Cullen Whipple patented the screw machine.
1888 "Casey at the Bat" the poem by Ernest Lawrence Thayer was
first published.
1918 The Finnish Parliament ratified its treaty with Germany.
1923 In Italy, Benito Mussolini granted women the right to
vote.
1932 Lou Gehrig set a major league baseball record when he hit
four consecutive home runs.
1937 The Duke of Windsor, who had abdicated the British
throne, married Wallis Warfield Simpson.
1938 The German Reich voted to confiscate so-called
"degenerate art" (modern art).
1952 A rebellion by North Korean prisoners in the Koje prison
camp in South Korea was put down by American troops.
1965 Edward White became the first American astronaut to do a
"space walk" when he left the Gemini 4 capsule.
1970 Har Gobind Khorana and colleagues announced the first
synthesis of a gene from chemical components.
1989 Chinese army troops positioned themselves to begin a
sweep of Beijing to crush student-led pro-democracy
demonstrations in Tiananmen Square.
1999 Slobodan Milosevic's government accepted an international
peace plan concerning Kosovo. NATO announced that airstrikes
would continue until 40,000 Serb forces were withdrawn from
Kosovo.
2017 smiled.
Friday, June 2, 2017, 11:10 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, June 2
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Thanks Joseph!!
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman arrested with meth in bra,
told cop she bought it at yard sale.
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 2 in
1774 The Quartering Act, which required American
colonists to allow British soldiers into their
houses, was reenacted.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
The word 'meaningful' when used today is nearly always
meaningless.
--- Paul Johnson
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Wendy
Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to
her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly
began, "My husband wants me to ask you..."
"I know, I know." the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand
on her shoulder, "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine
until late in the pregnancy."
"No, that's not it at all," Brenda confessed. "He wants to
know if I can still mow the lawn."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
>From Noella
Every member of the Mensa organization has an IQ in the top 2
percent and has to pass a difficult test of logic and
reasoning to be admitted.
A few years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San
Francisco, and several members ate dinner at a local café.
While dining, they discovered that their salt shaker contained
pepper and their pepper shaker contained salt. How could they
swap the contents of the bottles without spilling them, using
only the implements at hand? Clearly this was a job for these
Mensa members.
The group debated and presented ideas and finally came up with
a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty
saucer. They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their
solution.
"Miss," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the
pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker—"
"Oh," the waitress interrupted. "Sorry about that." She
unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Christina Sarao,
35,
Vero Beach,
Florida
Florida woman arrested with meth in bra,
told cop she bought it at yard sale.
Christina Sarao, 35, got pulled over in front of a home for
not wearing a seat belt, but when the deputy asked for her ID
she got out of her truck and started running, TC Palm reports.
Sarao initially told the deputy her name was Holly Smith and
her ID was inside her grandmother’s home, but the deputy
recognized her since he “had prior interactions with her,”
according to TC Palm.
Once the deputy caught Sarao she allegedly yelled to him “I
have to poop and I’m pregnant!” the arrest report states. She
later admitted to the deputy that she wasn’t pregnant and the
home she parked at was not her grandmother’s, according to TC
Palm.
When the deputy searched Sarah he found meth and a pipe in her
bra, which she told the deputy she bought at a yard sale down
the street, according to TC Palm.
Sarao was taken to the Indian River County jail on charges of
driving with a suspended license, possession of
methamphetamine, giving a false name while detained, and
resisting arrest, TC Palm Reports.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Britta
Re: What is the best microphone type?
Dear Webby
I know you answered this last year, but I didn't save it.
What type of microphone is best ? Stationary, cheek,
front boom, or lapel?
Britta
Dear Britta
Voice quality is usually best with a cheek or side boom,
but if they are just hanging on one ear, they are a real
nuisance.
Second best voice quality is with a lapel mike, a real
lapel mike made for that purpose, not any other mike
pinned to your front.
Stationary microphones are excellent, if you are in a
sound booth and wearing a DJ's neck brace. If you
look to the side at a wall calendar, your voice fades,
yet the microphone will pick up a fan in the next room.
Amplified directional mikes overcome those problems,
because they allow you to be farther away and have a
wider focus.
Front boom mikes can be absolute worst, especially
if an amateur positions the microphone right in front of
the mouth and terrorizes the listeners with
"chicken-scratch", the harsh sounds produced by
"t"s "p"s and other "explosive" consonants recorded from
too close. Worst of all is when somebody holds the
microphone from a head set in their hand and waves
it in front of their mouth.
If you use a cheap front-boom mike, position it so that it
is at chin level, never at lip level ! Resist any pranksters
that want you to move it closer for more volume. If you
need more volume, go into the Windows Control Panel,
Sound Options, crank up the microphone volume and
select microphone boost.
With microphone boost set to ON, you can usually bend
a front boom to the side of your cheek, out of the line of
fire from the explosive consonants and still get plenty
of volume.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
>From Angie
I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car
windows to make sure my Labrador retriever had fresh air.
She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to
impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to
the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying
emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car gave me a startled look.
"I don't know about you," he said incredulously.
"But I usually just put my car in park."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Gluten Free Strawberry Delight
By Litter Gitter [210 Posts, 673 Comments]
My daughter gave me the recipe to try. I made it gluten free
for my son's birthday. He and I both are allergic to wheat
gluten and this cake is a real treat for us. It's so good, we
made a pig of ourselves eating it.
Gluten Free Strawberry Delight
Strawberries are about to go out of season but you can leave
them off and just use the strawberry glaze and it is still
good. When I get my family together, this is what they want
for dessert.
Ingredients:
Gluten free Angel Food Cake*
8 oz cream cheese
1 cup confectioners' sugar
1 Tbsp milk
8 oz Cool Whip
1 pt whole fresh strawberries, halved.
16 oz package of strawberry glaze (found in the produce
section)
*This recipe calls for Angel Food Cake. For a delicious
homemade gluten free angel food cake, use my recipe posted on
Thrifty Fun. Gluten Free Angel Food Cake
Steps:
Let cream cheese sit out until it is soft.
Cut cake in half across to make two layers.
In mixing bowl, beat cream cheese, confectioners sugar and
milk until smooth. Spread between layers and stack on a cake
plate. Spread remaining mixture on top and around sides of
cake. Place in the refrigerator and chill for a couple of
hours or over night.
Frost cake all over with Cool Whip. Decorate with the
strawberries and drizzle with strawberry glaze.
Mother's Day Pic
____________________________________________________
The difference between a neurotic and a psychotic is that,
while a psychotic thinks that 2 + 2 = 5, a neurotic knows the
answer is 4, but it worries him.
___________________________________________________
There was a lot to learn to become a Stewardess in the sixties. Those ladies were not just eye candy!
A bride called to make a change to her wedding registry.
It is common, almost expected, that a bride will change
something on her registry at least once (dishes, color of
towels, sheets, bathroom items, etc.).
The Customer Service Representative told her
that J.C. Penney would be happy to make the change.
He asked if the bride wanted to change the dishes or the
linens.
The bride said, "No, keep all that. I just wanted to change
the name of the groom. The first one chickened out and I had
to get another one."
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
>From Paul
One semester when my brother, Peter, attended the
University of Minnesota in Minneapolis, an art-student
friend of his asked if he could paint Peter's portrait for
a class assignment. Peter agreed, and the art student
painted and submitted the portrait, only to receive a C
minus.
The art student approached the professor to ask why
the grade was so poor.
The teacher told him that the proportions in the painting
were incorrect.
"The head is too big," the professor explained. "The
neck is too thin, the shoulders are too wide, and the
feet are enormous. Nobody is THAT ugly. You did a
carricature. We do that next semster."
The next day, the art student brought Peter to see the
professor.
He took one look at my brother and said, "Okay, A minus."
Today, on June 2
1537 Pope Paul III banned the enslavement of Indians.
1774 The Quartering Act, which required American colonists to
allow British soldiers into their houses, was reenacted.
1793 Maximillian Robespierre initiated the "Reign of Terror".
It was an effort to purge those suspected of treason against
the French Republic.
1818 The British army defeated the Maratha alliance in Bombay,
India.
1835 P.T. Barnum launched his first traveling show. The main
attraction was Joice Heth. Heth was reputed to be the 161-
year-old nurse of George Washington.
1851 Maine became the first U.S. state to enact a law
prohibiting alcohol.
1883 The first baseball game under electric lights was played
in Fort Wayne, Indiana.
1896 Guglieimo Marconi's radio telegraphy device was patented
in Great Britain.
1897 Mark Twain, at age 61, was quoted by the New York Journal
as saying "the report of my death was an exaggeration." He was
responding to the rumors that he had died.
1910 Charles Stewart Roll became the first person to fly non-
stop and double cross the English Channel.
1924 All American Indians were granted U.S. citizenship by the
U.S. Congress.
1928 Nationalist Chiang Kai-shek captured Peking, China.
1930 Mrs. M. Niezes of Panama gave birth to the first baby to
be born on a ship while passing through the Panama Canal.
1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt accepted the first
swimming pool to be built inside the White House.
1946 Italians voted by referendum to form a republic instead
of a monarchy.
1953 Elizabeth was crowned queen of England at Westminster
Abbey.
1954 U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that there were
communists working in the CIA and atomic weapons plants.
1957 Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev was interviewed by CBS-
TV.
1966 Surveyor 1, the U.S. space probe, landed on the moon and
started sending photographs back to Earth of the Moon's
surface. It was the first soft landing on the Moon.
1969 The National Arts Center in Canada opened its doors to
the public.
1969 Australian aircraft carrier Melbourne sliced the
destroyer USS Frank E. Evans in half off the shore of South
Vietnam.
1979 Pope John Paul II arrived in his native Poland on the
first visit by a pope to a Communist country.
1985 The R.J. Reynolds Company proposed a major merger with
Nabisco that would create a $4.9 billion conglomerate.
1995 Captain Scott F. O'Grady's U.S. Air Force F-16C was shot
down by Bosnian Serbs. He was rescued six days later.
1998 Royal Caribbean Cruises agreed to pay $9 million to
settle charges of dumping waste at sea.
1998 Voters in California passed Proposition 227. The act
abolished the state's 30-year-old bilingual education program
by requiring that all children be taught in English.
1999 In South Africa, the African National Congress (ANC) won
a major victory. ANC leader Thabo Mbeki was to succeed Nelson
Mandela as the nation's president.
2003 In the U.S., federal regulators voted to allow companies
to buy more television stations and newspaper-broadcasting
combinations in the same city. The previous ownership
restrictions had not been altered since 1975.
2003 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that companies could not be
sued under a trademark law for using information in the public
domain without giving credit to the originator. The case had
originated with 20th Century Fox against suing Dastar Corp.
over their use of World War II footage.
2003 William Baily was reunited with two paintings he had left
on a subway platform. One of the works was an original Picasso
rendering of two male figures and a recreation of Picasso's
"Guernica" by Sophie Matisse. Sophie Matisse was the great-
granddaughter of Henri Matisse.
2017 smiled.
Thursday, June 1, 2017, 11:02 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, June 1
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Sex assault case comes to light after girl
caught watching porn in school
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 1 in
1944 Siesta was abolished by the government
of Mexico.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
When you have the courage to tell the truth about what you're
really afraid of, fear doesn't have control over your life.
--- Ali Vincent
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
The minister gave his Sunday morning service, as usual, but
this particular Sunday, it was considerably longer than
normal.
Later, at the door, shaking hands with parishioners as they
moved out, one man said, "Your sermon, Pastor, was simply
wonderful - so invigorating and inspiring and refreshing."
The minister of course, broke out in a big smile, only to hear
the man say, "Boy, I felt like a new man when I woke up!"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000
troops in the Iraq theater of operations during the last 22
months, that gives a firearm death rate of
60 per 100,000.
The firearm death rate in Washington, DC is
80.6 per 100,000.
That means that you are 25% more likely to be shot and
killed in the US Capitol than if you are in Iraq.
That does not include other violent forms of death.
Conclusion: Pulling out of Washington, DC should be
given at least 25% higher priority than pulling out of Iraq.
(My numbers may need updating!)
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Anthony Garay,
31,
San Antonio,
Texas
Sex assault case comes to light after girl
caught watching porn in school
A Southwest Bexar County man is facing charges of continuous
sexual assault of a child after the case came to light in an
unusual way. The alleged victim, a nine-year-old girl, told it
all after she was caught watching pornography in school,
according to an arrest warrant affidavit.
Anthony Garay, 31, was arrested Tuesday as the result of an
investigation by the Bexar County Sheriff's Office.
The affidavit said a teacher confronted the girl May 17 after
she noticed her watching pornography on a school-issued iPad
the previous day.
The girl responded saying that a friend was helping her search
the internet for more information on what Garay had been
doing
to her, the affidavit said.
School officials reported the allegations to the sheriff's
office and investigators questioned the child.
The affidavit said that she told them Garay had been
performing sex acts on her since she was seven or eight years
old, and continued until that week. She also said that he had
done the same thing to her sister.
The court document also said that Garay had been under
investigation by Child Protective Services in the past
regarding allegations of sexual assault involving the same two
children. However, it did not disclose what the outcome of
that investigation was.
Garay`s father has been on the run since he was sentenced to
serve ten years for identical charges.
There was no mention of the girl`s parents. Maybe they are on
the run too.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Alene
Re: Web Mail or POP mail
Dear Webby
What is the difference between Web Mail and POP mail?
Alene
Dear Alene
Traditional POP mail is stored at your local dial-up or high
speed Internet provider and you pull it down to your
computer with an email program that sits on your computer.
Web Mail sits on a web server somewhere, often half a world
away from you, and you use a mail program that is on that
server to work on your mail. You save what you want to keep
onto your computer.
Web mail is more flexible and you can check your mail from
any cyber cafe or friends place or from work, without having
to install a mail program first.
Some people prefer good old POP style email, just like some
people prefer Diesel engines over Gasoline. Both types work
well, and it just a matter of personal preferences.
Some types of email providers use a mix of the two. For
example Gmail is basically a Web Mail, but you can set it in
the settings to act like POP mail and to forward the cleaned
mail to your POP address at your own domain or your local ISP.
Gmail is excellent for doing the rough primary spam cleaning
of your mail. What is then forwarded to your domain or ISP
based mail just needs just some final fine-tooth cleaning with
MailWasher.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Thanks to Dianne for these Out Of Office messages:
1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you
if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
2. You are receiving this automatic notification because
I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't
have received anything at all.
3. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send
me until I return from holiday on 4 April.
Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the
order it was received.
4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been
charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each
additional word in your message.
5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server
connection and is unable to deliver this message.
Please restart your computer and try sending again.
(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see
how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
6. Thank you for your message, which has been added
to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place,
and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19
weeks.
7. I've run away to join a different circus.
8. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for
medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as '
Margaret' instead of 'Jay'.
9. I am currently out of the office. Well, not really.
But with the amount of mail I get, this is the only way
to deal with it. You can interprete my quick and timely
response to your question as a "Definite Maybe".
10. I am currently attending a midlle management seminar
on office safety. Come and join us! It's at Joe's Bar and
Grill down the street.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
This is slightly cleaned up from Shakespearean days:
A well-dressed business man was walking down the street when
a rough-looking little kid stopped him and asked, "Sir, can
you tell me the time?"
The gentleman carefully unbuttoned his coat and jacket,
removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and
said, "It is a quarter to three, young man."
"Thanks," said the boy. "At exactly three o'clock you can
kiss my butt!"
With that, the kid took off running, and with an angry cry,
the outraged businessman started chasing him. He had not
been running long when an old friend stopped him.
"Why are you running to like a maniac?" asked the friend.
Gasping and almost incoherent with fury, the business man
said, "That little brat asked me the time and when I told
him it was quarter to three he told me that at exactly
three, I could kiss his butt!"
"So what's your hurry," said the friend, looking at his own
watch. "You still have twelve minutes."
Lemur wants to be petted
____________________________________________________
>From Mia
One day while driving with my 4-year-old daughter
I beeped the horn by mistake.
She turned and looked at me for an explanation.
I said, "I did that by accident."
She replied, "I know that,
'cause you didn't yell '@#$%^& BIMBO!' afterward!"
___________________________________________________
A very brave woman who is finally getting the recognition she deserves. Too bad she didn't get it while she was alive.
>From Brent
My girlfriend Tricia called me as she was driving to an
appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that
she was getting frustrated. Finally she said, "I know I had
my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it!"
I replied, "Aren't you talking on it!?"
There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality
of the situation sank in - followed by, "I will murder you, if
you tell anybody about this!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A Pastor was called to a local nursing home to perform
a wedding.
An anxious old man met him at the door.
The pastor sat down to counsel the old man and asked
several questions. "Do you love her?"
The old man replied, "Nope."
"Is she a good Christian woman?"
"I don't know for sure," the old man answered.
"Does she have lots of money?" asked the pastor.
"I doubt it."
"Then why are you marrying her?" the preacher asked.
"Cause she can drive at night," the old man said.
Today, on June 1
1533 Anne Boleyn, Henry VIIIÆs new queen, was crowned.
1774 The British government ordered the Port of Boston closed.
That did not go over well at all.
1861 The first skirmish of the U.S. Civil War took place at
the Fairfax Court House, Virginia.
1869 Thomas Edison received a patent for his electric voting
machine. It was never used.
1877 U.S. troops were authorized to pursue bandits into
Mexico.
1892 The General Electric Company (GE) began operations after
the merging of the Edison General Electric and the Thomson-
Houston Electric companies.
1896 In Paris, France, the first recorded automobile theft
occurred. The Peugeot of Baron de Zuylen de Nyevelt was stolen
by his mechanic.
1915 Germany conducted the first zeppelin air raid over
England.
1916 The National Defense Act increased the strength of the
U.S. National Guard by 450,000 men.
1921 A race riot erupted in Tulsa, OKlahoma. 85 people were
killed.
1935 The Ingersoll-Waterbury Company reported that it had
produced 2.5 million Mickey Mouse watches during its 2-year
association with Disney.
1938 Baseball helmets were worn for the first time.
1939 The Douglas DC-4 made its first passenger flight from
Chicago to New York.
1941 The German Army completed the capture of Crete as the
Allied evacuation ended.
1942 The U.S. began sending Lend-Lease materials to the Soviet
Union.
1943 During World War II, Germans shot down a civilian flight
from Lisbon to London.
1944 The French resistance was warned by a coded message from
the British that the D-Day invasion was imminent.
1944 Siesta was abolished by the government of Mexico.
1954 In the Peanuts comic strip, Linus' security blanket made
its debut.
1958 Charles de Gaulle became the premier of France.
1958 IBM ended its design of machines that contained
electronic tubes.
1961 Radio listeners in New York, California, and Illinois
were introduced to FM multiplex stereo broadcasting. A year
later the FCC made this a standard.
1963 Governor George Wallace vowed to defy an injunction that
ordered the integration of the University of Alabama.
1970 Zimbabwe came into existence. It was formerly known as
Rhodesia.
1972 In Iraq, The Ba'athist government nationalized the
western-owned Iraq Petroleum Company and turned operations
over to the Iraq National Oil Company.
1977 The Soviet Union formally charged Jewish human rights
activist Anatoly Shcharansky with treason. He was imprisoned
until 1986.
1978 The U.S. reported the finding of wiretaps in the American
embassy in Moscow.
1979 In the U.S., the government-controlled ceiling on oil
prices ends. The control was phased out over 28 months.
1980 Cable News Network (CNN) made its debut as the first all-
news station.
1989 Disney World's "Typhoon Lagoon" opened.
1995 At Disneyland Paris, the attraction "Space Mountain: From
The Earth to the Moon" opened.
1998 In the U.S., the FDA approved a urine-only test for the
AIDS virus.
1998 A $124 million suit was brought against Goodyear Tire &
Rubber that alleged discrimination towards black workers.
1999 Merrill Lynch chairman David Komansky announced that the
firm would soon allow its customers to buy and sell stocks
over the Internet.
2008 The Phoenix Mars Lander became the first NASA spacecraft
to scoop Martian soil.
2009 General Motors filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy. The
filing made GM the largest U.S. industrial company to enter
bankruptcy protection.
2017 smiled.
Wednesday, May 31, 2017, 10:12 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, May 31
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Home invader arrested after elerly man knocks
her down and holds her until cops arrive,
after she had bloodied his wife with a club
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 31 in
1977 The trans-Alaska oil pipeline was finished after
3 years of construction. It still works just fine.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Skill Without Imagination Is Craftsmanship And Gives Us
Many Useful Objects Such As Wickerwork Picnic Baskets.
Imagination Without Skill Gives Us Modern Art.
--- Tom Stoppard
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A Couple Drove Down A Country Road For Several Miles,
Not Saying A Word.
An Earlier Discussion Had Led To An Argument And Neither
Of Them Wanted To Concede Their Position. As They Passed
A Barnyard Of Mules, Goats, And Pigs, The Husband Asked
Sarcastically, "Relatives Of Yours?"
"Yep," The Wife Replied, "In-Laws."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Thanks To Mary Fields For This Story:
This May Come As A Surprise To Those Of You Not Living In
Las Vegas But There Are More Catholic Churches There
Than Casinos.
Not Surprisingly, Some Worshippers At Sunday Services
Will Give Casino Chips Rather Than Cash When The Basket
Is Passed.
Since They Get Chips From So Many Different Casinos, The
Churches Have Devised A Method To Collect The Offerings.
The Churches Send All Their Collected Chips To A Nearby
Franciscan Monastery For Sorting And Then The Chips Are
Taken To The Casinos Of Origin And Cashed In.
This Is Done By The Chip Monk!
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Rehnu Singh,
50,
San Jose,
California
Home Invader Arrested After Elerly Man Knocks
Her Down And Holds Her Until Cops Arrive
After She Had Bloodied His Wife With A Club
An Elderly Man Who Said He Pleaded To No Avail For Help From
Bystanders Managed To Beat Back His Wife’S Alleged Assailant
Sunday Night, Holding Down The Suspect In Front Of His Home
Until Santa Clara County Sheriff’S Deputies Arrived And
Arrested Her.
Yousef Youkhaneh, 82, Told This News Organization That After
Wrestling With The Home Invader And Being Dragged Onto Mckee
Road In Front Of His Home, He Looked Up Only To See People
Slow Down Their Cars Not To Help, But To Take Photos Of The
Struggle, Then Drive On. No One Stopped To Give Him Aid, He
Said.
"I Said, "Call Police, Somebody Help Me! I Am Tired,"
Youkhaneh Recalled From His Backyard Monday Afternoon, Where
The Incident Began. "Nobody Did Anything."
After 10 Minutes, He Said, Santa Clara County Sheriff’S
Deputies Arrived To Arrest Rehnu Singh, A 50-Year-Old San Jose
Woman Already On Probation For Burglary. She Was Booked Into
Santa Clara County Jail For Investigation Of Elder Abuse,
Assault With A Deadly Weapon, Attempted Burglary And Probation
Violation, Said Sheriff’S Sgt. Richard Glennon.
Glennon Said Sheriff’S Deputies Had Been Called Around 5:50
P.M. In Response To An Apparent Assault Of A Woman By A Man In
The Street, But Soon Discovered Otherwise.
Youkhaneh Said He Was Inside His Home Going Over Paperwork
When He Heard His Wife Screaming For Help Outside The Door To
The Couple’S Backyard. He Rushed Out To See His 76-Year-Old
Wife Christina Youkhaneh With A Bloodied Head After Singh Had
Allegedly Hit Her With A Heavy Branch. The Gash Required Eight
Stitches.
Drops Of His Wife’S Blood Were Still Visible On The Back Door
And Pavement Monday As He Recalled Her Laying On The Ground,
Exhorting Him Not To Let Singh Get Away.
"She Had Tools In Her Hand And She Tried To Hit Me," Said The
Retired Auto Body Shop Owner, Showing Bite Marks Left On His
Hand From The Attack. "But I Didn’T Let Her Go."
As They Headed Out Along His Driveway That Leads Straight Into
Traffic, Youkhaneh Managed To Grab Singh’S Ankle. By The Time
They Got To The Sidewalk Bordering The Traffic, "I Fell Down
And She Fell Down," He Said, Lifting His Left Pant Leg To Show
His Skinned Knee. "But I Didn’T Let Her Go. I Held Onto Her
With All My Power."
Singh Screamed To Witnesses: "I Didn’T Do It; The Man Did
It!" Youkhaneh Said. He Looked Up And Saw People — Across The
Street, On The Sidewalk, And Many Slowing Down Their Cars To
Take Photos With Their Phones, And He Called For Help.
"Why Didt They Help?" He Asked Monday. "What Kind Of People
Is This Taking Pictures? Maybe Someday It Happens To Them."
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Yahoos
Re: Switch to regular font size
Dear Webby
How Do I Switch From Large To Regular Font?
Similar Messages From Various Yahoos.
Dear Yahoos
You Got The Regular Version.
Possibly You Turned The Mouse Scroll Wheel While Holding The
Ctrl Or Sgrg Key, Or Since This Affected Only Yahoos, Possibly
It Was Something Yahoo Did.
Just Use The Ctrl Key And The Scroll Wheel To
Zoom The Font To A Comfortable Size.
By The Way, Any Yahoos Or Hotmail Victims, If You Experience
Irregtularities With The Newsletter Delivery, Just Switch To A
More Respectable Address, Like For Example A Gmail Address.
You Don't Have To Give Up The Old A Ddress, Just Get The Gmail
Address On The Side.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Thanks To Cookie For The Rules She Lives By:
If A Motorist Cuts You Off, Just Turn The Other Cheek.
Nothing Gets The Message Across Like A Good Mooning.
Follow Your Dream! Unless It's The One Where You're At Work
In Your Underwear During A Fire Drill.
Don't Assume Malice For What Stupidity Can Explain.
(That's About Aol Tech Support)
One Good Turn Gets Most Of The Blankets.
Marriage Is The Triumph Of Imagination Over Intelligence.
Second Marriage Is The Triumph Of Hope Over Experience.
Before Marriage, A Man Yearns For The Woman He Loves.
After Marriage, The 'Y' Becomes Silent.
You Never Really Learn To Swear Until You Learn To Drive.
(The Corollary Is: You Never Learn To Pray Until Your Kids
Learn To Drive!)
A Man Usually Feels Better After A Few Winks,
Especially If She Winks Back.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Ham and Cheese Popovers
By Lalala... [824 Posts, 106 Comments]
Ingredients:
1 Can Refrigerated Crescent Roll Dough (6 Crescents)
1 Cup Chopped Ham (I Used Black Forest Deli Ham)
1 Cup Cheddar Cheese, Shredded
Directions:
Preheat The Oven To 425 Degrees F. Spray Muffin Pan With A
Non-Stick Spray.
Unroll The Crescent Dough And Separate Them Along The Precut
Lines. Divide The Ham And Cheese Equally On To Each Crescent
Triangle.
Starting At The Wide End, Roll Up Each Crescent, Finishing At
The Pointy End. You Can Trim Off The Excess Dough On The End,
I Just Push It Down Into The Center Of The Roll.
Place The Popovers Into Prepared Muffin Pan And Bake For 10
Minutes Or Until Puffy And Golden Brown.
Servings:6
Prep Time:10 Minutes
Cooking Time:10 Minutes
Source: "Cook It In A Cup" Cookbook
Lemur wants to be petted
____________________________________________________
A Husband Read An Article To His Wife About How Many Words
Women Use A Day...
30,000 To A Man's 15,000.
The Wife Replied, "The Reason Has To Be Because We Have To
Repeat Everything To Men.
The Husband Then Turned To His Wife And Asked, "What?"
___________________________________________________
Let's arm chair travel today.
A Kleptomaniac Woman Had Been Caught Shoplifting In A
Supermarket And Had To Appear In Court, Taking Along Her
Long-Suffering Husband For Marital Support.
The Prosecution Proved That The Theft Had Taken Place So
The Judge Told Her That, Considering Her Record, He Was
Forced To Impose A Jail Term.
"This Time You Stole A Can Of Tomatoes. Let Us Suppose
That There Were Six Tomatoes In The Can. Do You Agree?"
The Woman Agreed.
"Then I Sentence You To Six Nights In Jail."
The Husband Jumped To His Feet, Addressing The Judge,
"Your Honor, May I Approach The Bench?"
"Well," Said His Honor, This Is Somewhat Unusual But I Will
Make An Exception In This Case. You May Approach The
Bench."
The Husband Wasted No Time Getting There And, Leaning
Forward, He Whispered, "She Also Stole A Can Of Peas."
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A Man Is Driving With His Wife At His Side And His
Mother-In-Law In The Backseat.
The Women Just Won't Leave Him Alone.
His Mother-In-Law Says, "You're Driving Too Fast!"
His Wife Says, "Stay More To The Left."
After Ten Mixed Orders, The Man Turns To His Wife And
Asks, "Who's Driving This Car - You Or Your Mother?"
Today, on May 31
1433 Sigismund Was Crowned Emperor Of Rome.
1859 In London, Big Ben Went Into Operation.
1870 E.J. Desemdt Patented Asphalt.
1884 Dr. John Harvey Kellogg Patented "Flaked Cereal."
1889 In Johnstown, Pa, More Than 2,200 People Died After The
South Fork Dam Collapsed.
1900 U.S. Troops Arrived In Peking To Help Put Down The Boxer
Rebellion.
1902 The Boer War Ended Between The Boers Of South Africa And
Great Britain With The Treaty Of Vereeniging.
1907 The First Taxis Arrived In New York City. They Were The
First In The United States.
1909 The National Association For The Advancement Of Colored
People (Naacp) Held Its First Conference.
1910 The Union Of South Africa Was Founded.
1913 The 17th Amendment Went Into Effect. It Provided For
Popular Election Of U.S. Senators.
1915 A German Zeppelin Made An Air Raid On London.
1927 Ford Motor Company Produced The Last "Tin Lizzie" In Order
To Begin Production Of The Model A.
1929 In Beverly, Ma, The First U.S. Born Reindeer Were Born.
1943 "Archie" Was Aired On The Mutual Broadcasting System For
The First Time.
1947 Communists Seized Control Of Hungary.
1955 The U.S. Supreme Court Ordered That All States Must End
Racial Segregation "With All Deliberate Speed."
1961 South Africa Became An Independent Republic.
1962 Adolf Eichmann Was Hanged In Israel. Eichmann Was A Gestapo
Official And Was Executed For His Actions In The Nazi Holocaust.
1970 An Earthquake In Peru Killed Tens Of Thousands Of People.
1974 Israel And Syria Signed An Agreement On The Golan Heights.
1977 The Trans-Alaska Oil Pipeline Was Finished After 3 Years Of
Construction. It Still Works Just Fine.
1979 Zimbabwe Proclaimed Its Independence.
1994 The U.S. Announced It Was No Longer Aiming Long-Range
Nuclear Missiles At Targets In The Former Soviet Union.
2003 In North Carolina, Eric Robert Rudolph Was Captured. He Had
Been On The Fbi's 10 Most Wanted List For Five Years For Several
Bombings Including The 1996 Olympic Bombing.
2017 smiled.
Tuesday, May 30, 2017, 07:38 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, May 30
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
PA grave robber arrested for assaulting
man with cerebral palsy.
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 30 in
1431 Joan of Arc was burned at the stake in Rouen,
France, at the age of 19.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind
with an open one.
--- Malcolm Forbes (1919 - 1990)
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life
exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has
tried to contact us.
--- Bill Watterson (1958 - )
The right to be heard does not automatically include
the right to be taken seriously.
--- Hubert H. Humphrey
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Dave:
A property manager of single-family residence was showing
a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions.
"Professionally employed?" he asked.
"We're a military family," the wife answered.
"Children?"
"Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly.
"Animals?"
"Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
The young son of a Baptist minister was in church one
morning when he observed very closely the ordinance of
baptism by immersion. He was greatly interested in it,
and the next morning proceeded to baptize his three
cats in the bathtub.
The kitten bore it very well, and so did the young cat, but
the old family cat rebelled. It struggled with him, clawed
and tore him, and got away. With considerable effort he
caught it again and proceeded with the ceremony. But
she acted worse than ever, clawed at him, spit, and
scratched his hands and face.
Finally, after barely getting her splattered with water, he
dropped her on the floor in disgust and said:
"Fine, just be a Methodist."
______________________________________________________
Oops-fergot-to-hold-it-with-both-hands!
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Barry Baker,
29,
West Chester,
Pennsylvania
PA veteran's grave robber arrested for assaulting
man with cerebral palsy.
The Pennsylvania dirtbag arrested for sucker punching a man
with cerebral palsy is actually a worse person than he
appears, records show.
Barry Baker, 29, was charged earlier this month with battery
for an unprovoked 2:30 AM attack outside a 7-Eleven in West
Chester (where Baker has lived and worked for a tow company).
As seen in the above surveillance video, Baker, an ex-con,
walloped the 22-year-old victim after mocking the way the man
walked.
Though Baker--charged with assault, harassment, and disorderly
conduct--was initially released on $25,000 bail, he will soon
return to jail after a judge this week issued an arrest
warrant charging him with violating his probation.
According to court records, Baker was placed on three years
probation in October 2015 for violating terms of a probation
sentence imposed following his conviction for theft from a
motor vehicle. In addition to his arrest this month, Baker
allegedly violated his probation by not paying restitution,
fines, and court costs of nearly $4500.
Baker’s rap sheet includes convictions for theft, forgery,
conspiracy, and receiving stolen property. The latter count
stemmed from Baker’s involvement in a crime on par with
punching a guy with cerebral palsy in the face.
In 2007, Baker pleaded guilty to his role in the theft of
hundreds of bronze flag holders that marked the graves of
veterans at two Pennsylvania cemeteries. Baker and his
accomplices stole the markers so that they could be sold as
scrap metal. Police recovered nearly 250 flag holders--worth
about $10,000--from a Pennsylvania scrap company.
Baker, who was charged with 143 counts of intentional
desecration of a venerated object, pleaded guilty to felony
conspiracy and receiving stolen property counts. He was
sentenced to a minimum of eleven-and-a-half months in jail and
a maximum of 23 months in custody. He was also ordered to
participate in a drug or alcohol treatment program and undergo
a mental health evaluation.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Elsinore
Re: How to choose domain names
Dear Webby
I know you mentioned it before, but I didn't need that info
at the time and did not save it. What's to watch out for
when choosing a domain name?
Thanks
Elsinore
Dear Elsinore
Above all, a domain name has to be memorable.
It should be short enough and clear enough, so that
you can shout it across a street or meeting room,
and have people remember it correctly.
Also make sure that the extension is a ".com" or a ".biz".
".com" is what people type on autopilot, without thinking.
That is the most valuable one.
"biz" is memorable enough that it works nearly as well.
The name registration cost is the same. We charge
$12 for ".com", "biz", ".net", ".org" and some of the less
useful ones that I don't recommend.
To test memorability, sing a name in the shower. If it
sounds silly or awkward, try something else. If it sounds
good and does not make you stumble, or cringe, then
you have a winner. I have recommended that for over
ten years and it has helped countless people to find
a good name.
You can always Skype me and tell me what you have in mind,
and I'll help you find a short and memorable name.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see
her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual
questions, about symptoms, how long had they
been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him:
"Hey look, I'm a vet -- I don't need to ask my
patients these kind of questions: I can tell
what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?"
The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote
out a prescription, and handed it to her and said,
"There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work,
we'll have to have you put down."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Organizing Baby Clothes
Quite often when you buy or are given baby or toddler
clothes they come in outfits. A matching top and bottom,
maybe even with a matching hat. One way to keep these items
together is to fold them and put them in large zip-lock bags
before putting them away. You will be able to easily see
the outfit and the bags and be used over and over again.
drunk driver drives through Russian airport
____________________________________________________
A pastor went into the pulpit one Sunday morning wearing a
pair of new bifocals. The reading portion of the glasses
improved his vision considerably, but whenever he looked
through the top portion of the glasses he got dizzy.
He explained to the congregation that the new glasses were
causing problems, then said, "I hope you will excuse my
continually removing my glasses. You see when I look
down I can see fine, but when I look at you,
it makes me sick."
___________________________________________________
This is what Memorial Day is about, let us remember them.
On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take
all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything,
please make sure it's something we can sell at a profit.
Mrs Beasly, please wake up your husband!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A man's car breaks down right in front of a farm and
he's trying to fix it when he hears a voice coming
behind him, "You have water in the gas tank." The man
turns around and all he sees is a cow from the farm.
He goes back to his car and again the same voice says,
"You have water in the gas tank."
The man turns around again and he sees nothing and
nobody except the cow, and the voice defintiely came
from the cow, "You have water in the gas tank."
The man is shocked so he knocks on the door of the
farmer's house. When the farmer answers the door the
man says, "The cow talked to me and said I had water in
my gas tank. He can talk?"
The farmer replied, "Ignore her, that cow barely understands
Diesel engines and doesn't have a clue about gas engines."
Today, on May 30
1416 Jerome of Prague was burned as a heretic by the Church.
1431 Joan of Arc was burned at the stake in Rouen, France, at
the age of 19.
1539 Hernando de Soto, the Spanish explorer, landed in Florida
with 600 soldiers to search for gold.
1814 The First Treaty of Paris was declared, which returned
France to its 1792 borders.
1848 W.G. Young patented the ice cream freezer.
1868 Memorial Day was observed widely for the first time in
the U.S.
1883 Twelve people were trampled to death in New York City in
a stampede after a rumor that the Brooklyn Bridge was in
danger of collapsing.
1896 The first automobile accident occurred in New York City.
1903 In Riverdale, NY, the first American motorcycle hill
climb was held.
1911 Ray Harroun won the first Indianapolis 500. At the time,
it was known as International 500-Mile Sweepstakes Race.
Harroun's average speed was 74.59 miles per hour.
1912 The U.S. Marines were sent to Nicaragua to protect
American interests.
1913 The First Balkan War ended.
1921 The U.S. Navy transferred the Teapot Dome oil reserves to
the Department of the Interior.
1933 Sally Rand introduced her exotic and erotic fan dance to
audiences at Chicago’s Century of Progress Exposition.
1943 American forces secured the Aleutian island of Attu from
the Japanese during World War II.
1958 Unidentified soldiers killed in World War II and the
Korean conflicts were buried at Arlington National Cemetery.
1967 Daredevil Evel Knievel jumped 16 automobiles in a row in
a motorcycle stunt at Ascot Speedway in Gardena, CA.
1967 The state of Biafra seceded from Nigeria and Civil war
erupted.
1971 Mariner 9, the American deep space probe blasted off on a
journey to Mars.
1981 In Chittagong, Bangladesh, President Ziaur Rahman was
assassinated.
1982 Spain became the 16th NATO member. Spain was the first
country to enter the Western alliance since West Germany in
1955.
1983 Peru's President Fernando Belaunde Terry declared a state
of emergency and suspended civil rights after bombings by
leftist rebels.
1989 The "Goddess of Democracy" statue (33 feet height) was
erected in Tiananmen Square by student demonstrators.
1996 Britain's Prince Andrew and the former Sarah Ferguson
were granted an uncontested decree ending their 10-year
marriage.
1997 Jesse K. Timmendequas was convicted in Trenton, NJ, of
raping and strangling a 7-year-old neighbor, Megan Kanka. The
1994 murder inspired "Megan's Law," requiring that communities
be notified when sex offenders move in.
1998 A powerful earthquake hit northern Afghanistan killing up
to 5,000.
2017 smiled.
Monday, May 29, 2017, 10:28 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, May 29
Memorial Day in the USA:
Honor those, who have died while in the military.
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
PT Cruiser stolen from man after he
hires prostitute
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 29 in
585 BC The first recorded prediction of a solar eclipse was
made in Greece. 2602 years ago they knew that Earth was round
and the sun was the center of the solar system, and how the
solar system worked.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
No man ever listened himself out of a job.
--- Calvin Coolidge (1872 - 1933)
There's no workman, whatsoever he be,
that may both work well and hastily.
--- Chaucer (c. 1343 - 1400)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an
old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they
threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking
the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a
bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They
searched the area for something larger and came upon a
railroad tie. With great difficulty , the two men carried it
to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit
bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into
the hole!
The guys were still standing there with astonished looks
upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man
walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat
anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped
into the mine shaft in front of them! The man replied, 'Oh
no. That couldn't be *my* goat, mine was tied to a railroad
tie.'
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Tsehainesh from Addis Ababa
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of
children while they drew. She would occasionally walk
around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently,
she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what
God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing,
the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
April Marie Phillips,
36,
Jacksonvile,
Florida
PT Cruiser stolen from man after he
hires prostitute
A woman faces a charge of car theft after police said a man
was assaulted Monday at a Jacksonville hotel.
The victim said he met and picked up a suspected prostitute
named April Marie Phillips, 36. The two of them went to get a
room at the Scottish Inn on Phillips Highway.
Once the man and Phillips approached the hotel room, an
unknown man met the victim and Phillips outside the room.
About five minutes after the three entered the room, the
unknown man took the man's car keys, the police report said.
The man asked for his keys back, but the unknown man and
Phillips refused, police said.
Police reported that the unknown man then punched the victim
multiple times in the face and Phillips hit the victim in the
back of the head. The victim said his cellphone was taken from
him and that they tried to take his wallet.
The victim said Phillips and the man kicked him several times
while he was on the floor.
Phillips and the unknown man fled in the victim's PT Cruiser,
police said. The victim said called police after he woke up
from passing out.
The man was taken to St. Vincent's Hospital for possible
broken ribs and facial injuries.
Police said they found and arrested Phillips, who was standing
in the Eagle Inn parking lot.
As police questioned Phillips, they said she said that she
knew what this was about. She said a guy picked her up for sex
and drugs and said she had nothing else to say, police said.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Mario
Re: Head Set or separate microphone?
Dear Webby
What is better for phone over the Internet, a headset
or a separate microphone and earphones?
Thanks
Mario
Dear Mario
If you want to sound like a DJ or if you are participating
in teleconferences, get a wireless lapel mike and a mike
pre-amplifier with graphic equalizer, and a set of noise
canceling cup type earphones.
At the opposite end of the quality spectrum is a headset
from the dollar store, complete with boom microphone and
a too short 3 foot cord.
A good compromise is $30 headset with boom mike,
and an additional cord extension. 6 wire cords are often
ridiculously overpriced and it pays to shop around for
those. Otherwise you could wind up paying more for the
extension cord than for the head set.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Thanks to Billie for bringing back this classic:
Thought you might like this one, Peace, Billie
Two dogs were walking down the street. One dog says
to the other,
"Wait here a minute, I'll be right back." He walks across
the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for about a minute,
then walks back across the street.
The other dog says, "What was that about?"
The dog first dog says, "I was just checking my pee-mail."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Faux Stained Glass Windows
By DOROTHY [3 Posts, 2 Comments]
This is a new use for old windows. They took about 2 days to
make. Paint the window frames and let dry. Be creative and
paint the glass with stained glass paint. Once dry, glue the
marbles to the glass then let the glue dry.
The better craft stores and catalogs
have liquid stained glass, and leading in a tube.
Draw your design on the glass with a pencil or crayon, then
use the leading in a tube to draw the boundaries between the
colors. With real stained glass that would be tinned or leaded
copper foil. Then you make sure you don`t have any unintended
breaks in the leading.
After that you decide what colors to use in each field, and
pour a few drops of that color into that field. The raised
bead of leading will confine the color to that field.
Depending on the picture you want to create, you can add a
drop of modifier, like starburst, ice crystal, flames, etc.
The modifiers don`t change the color, just the apparent
texture.
Half an hour later it is dry and done.
I used to create a lot of those in my Hippy years.
You can use liquid stained glass on real glass and on
plexiglass. Quite often I sandwiched a plexiglass stained
window to a real glass window. My favorite trick was to just
do a foot high strip for the top of windows, so as not to
obstruct the view, but create beautiful colored projections
from the sun shining through.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Mama bear chases motorists in Yellowstone National Park
____________________________________________________
Thanks to Dianne for this:
The woman was in labor in the delivery room with her
husband at her side coaching her just the way he
learned in the Lamaze class.
It seemed like an eternity before the doctor finally
announced, "I've got the head now; just a few more
minutes."
"Is it a girl or boy?" the husband asked excitedly.
The doctor replied, "At this age it's too hard to tell by
the ears."
___________________________________________________
This is what Memorial Day is about, let us remember them.
Thanks to Mary F for this story:
There were these two elderly people living in a Florida
mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow.
They had known one another for a number of years.
One evening there was a community supper in the big
activity center. These two were at the same table, across
from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few
admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage
to ask her, "Will you marry me?"
After precisely six seconds of careful consideration, she
answered.
"Yes, yes, I will."
The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges,
they went to their respective places.
Next morning, he was troubled.
"Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't
remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall.
Not even a faint memory.
With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.
First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well
as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.
As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her,
"When I asked if you would marry me,
did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"
He was delighted to hear her say,
"Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my
heart."
Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you called,
because I couldn't remember who had asked me.
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Jill, ever the gracious hostess, was serving drinks at one
of her parties. A friend of hers brought his brother who
had just been ordained a Priest. She offered the friend a
drink from the tray and said, "I'm sorry Father, I'll go right
back to the kitchen and bring you a coke."
The Priest smiled and said "No need to. I may have
alcohol. Priests abstain from sex, not the grape."
"Oh !" said Jill blushing, "So that's it. I knew it
was one or the other that I wasn't supposed to offer you."
Today, on May 29
585 BC The first recorded prediction of a solar eclipse was
made in Greece. 2602 years ago they knew that Earth was round
and the sun was the center of the solar system, and how the
solar system worked.
1453 Constantinople fell to Ottoman Sultan Mehmed II, ending
the Byzantine Empire.
1660 Charles II was restored to the English throne after the
Puritan Commonwealth.
1721 South Carolina was formally incorporated as a royal
colony.
1765 Patrick Henry denounced the Stamp Act before Virginia's
House of Burgesses.
1827 The first nautical school opened in Nantucket, MA, under
the name Admiral Sir Isaac Coffin’s Lancasterian School.
1849 A patent for lifting vessels was granted to Abraham
Lincoln.
1910 An airplane raced a train from Albany, NY, to New York
City. The airplane pilot Glenn Curtiss won the $10,000 prize.
1912 Fifteen women were dismissed from their jobs at the
Curtis Publishing Company in Philadelphia, PA, for dancing the
Turkey Trot while on the job.
1916 The official flag of the president of the United States
was adopted.
1916 U.S. forces invaded Dominican Republic and remained until
1924.
1922 Ecuador became independent.
1922 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that organized baseball was
a sport, not subject to antitrust laws.
1932 World War I veterans began arriving in Washington, DC. to
demand cash bonuses they were not scheduled to receive for
another 13 years.
1951 C.F. Blair became the first man to fly over the North
Pole in single engine plane.
1953 Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tenzing Norgay became first men
to reach the top of Mount Everest and live.
1973 Tom Bradley was elected the first black mayor of Los
Angeles.
1974 U.S. President Nixon agreed to turn over 1,200 pages of
edited Watergate transcripts.
1985 Thirty-nine people were killed and 400 were injured in a
riot at a European Cup soccer match in Brussels, Belgium.
1986 Colonel Oliver North told National Security Advisor
William McFarlane that profits from weapons sold to Iran were
being diverted to the Contras.
1988 U.S. President Reagan began his first visit to the Soviet
Union in Moscow.
1990 Boris Yeltsin was elected president of the Russian
republic by the Russian parliament.
1997 The ruling party in Indonesia, Golkar, won the Parliament
election by a record margin. There was a boycott movement and
rioting that killed 200 people.
1999 Space shuttle Discovery completed the first docking with
the International Space Station.
2000 Fiji's military took control of the nation and declared
martial law following a coup attempt by indigenous Fijians in
mid-May.
2001 In New York, four followers of Osama bin Laden were
convicted of a global conspiracy to murder Americans. The
crimes included the 1998 bombings of two U.S. embassies in
Africa that killed 224 people.
2001 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey
Martin could use a cart to ride in tournaments.
2015 The Obama adminstration removed Cuba from the U.S.
terrorism blacklist. The two countries had severed diplomatic
relations in January of 1961.
2017 smiled.
Thursday, May 25, 2017, 07:07 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, May 25
Today I have to go to Calgary for injections
into my eyeballs. That means no Friday, Saturday
or Sunday Newsletter.
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Colorado man arrested after castrating
transgender woman for pay but without a license.
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 25 in
585 BC The first recorded prediction of a
solar eclipse was made in Greece.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party
did not miss the boat.
--- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A man was in the hospital recovering from an
operation when a nun walked into his room. She was
there to cheer up the sick and ailing. The man
and nun started talking and she asked about his
life. He talked about his wife and 13 children.
"My, my," said the nun, "13 children....you're
a good, proper Catholic family. The Lord is very
proud of you!"
"I'm sorry, Sister," he said, "I am not Catholic.
I'm Jewish."
"Jewish!?" she replies. "Hmmm....you're a sex
maniac, aren't you?"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Doctor: "I see you're over a month late for your appointment.
Don't you know that nervous disorders require prompt and
regular attention? What's your excuse?"
Patient: "I was just following your orders, Doc."
Doctor: "Following my orders? What are you talking about? I
gave you no such order."
Patient: "You told me to avoid people who irritate me."
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
James Pennington,
57,
Denver,
Colorado
Colorado man arrested after castrating
transgender woman for pay but without a license.
A man without a medical license was arrested after allegedly
using an Army surgical kit to remove the testicles of a
transgender woman at her apartment, the Denver Police
Department said.
James Pennington, 57 of Denver, is alleged to have removed the
testicles and sutured the opening while the woman's wife
watched the 90-minute procedure on Wednesday, according to a
probable cause statement.
Pennington told the victim if any "complications" developed to
call 911, according to the probable cause statement.
The wife called 911 about 2 p.m. after blood was seeping from
the incision.
Paramedics said the testicles could not be reattached because
of the time between the procedure and the call to 911, police
said.
A doctor with Medical Center of Aurora said the victim
suffered serious bodily injury and "risk of permanent
disfigurement," according to the statement.
Pennington was interviewed by police on Thursday and,
according to the probable cause statement, "confessed to
completing this surgical procedure without medical license."
Pennington was arrested for investigation of first-degree
aggravated assault causing serious bodily injury. He is being
held without bond.
The Denver District Attorney's Office will make the final
determination if charges will be filed.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Wanda
Re: img ... pdf
Dear Webby
I got some emails with img, some numbers and then .pdf in the
subject line. Naturally, I did not open them without asking
you first.
Are they safe?
Thanks
Wanda
Dear Wanda
No, they are NOT safe. Dump them, and dump them out of the
trash.
Nowadays, anything suspicious looking, dump it.
There is no need to enclose a normal picture in a PDF
If a friend or relative wants to bundle a bunch of pictures in
a PDF, they would tell you about it, and not just list ONE
picture, with .pdf tacked on.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A college professor asked his class a question.
"If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is
1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from
Chicago, how old am I?"
One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when
Called upon said, "Professor you're 44.."
The Professor said, "You're absolutely correct, but tell me,
how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?"
The student said, "You see professor, I have a brother; he's
22, and he's half nuts."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Making Rosemary Napkin Rings
By ShirleyE [165 Posts, 104 Comments]
For a lovely place setting which will also give off a
wonderful herbal aroma to get your guests' taste buds going,
use a wrap of rosemary around the serviettes (napkins) instead
of a traditional napkin ring.
Supplies:
rosemary sprigs
garden raffia or twine
scissors
hole punch
paper
Steps:
Print out your guests' names. Alternatively you could write
them if you prefer.
Cut out each name and round off the corners to neaten them.
Add a punched hole.
Roll up a serviette (napkin) and wrap a rosemary sprig around
it.
Overlap the ends of the sprig and tie with raffia or string.
Thread the name tag onto the raffia and make a final knot.
Trim the ends of the raffia and arrange your setting.
If you dont have raffia, you can use
the colorful, beaded pony-tail rubber bands. They are usually
25 / $ at the Dollar store and indefinitely reusable. No panic
when grampa canèt open the knots on the raffia.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Mama bear chases motorists in Yellowstone National Park
____________________________________________________
>From Wendy
A retired older couple returned to a Mercedes dealership where
the salesman has just sold the car they had been interested
in
to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini skirt and a
halter top.
The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman
sharply, "Young man, I thought you said you would hold that
car till we raised the $55,000 asking price. Yet I just
overheard you close the deal for $45,000 to the lovely young
lady there. And if I remember right, you had insisted there
was no way you could discount this model." The salesman took a
deep breath, cleared his throat and reached for a large glass
of water.
"Well, what can I tell you? She had the cash ready, didn't
need any financing help, and, Sir, just look at her, how could
I resist?", replied the grinning salesman sheepishly.
Just then the young woman approached the senior couple and
gave the car keys to the old man.
"There you go," she said. "I told you I could get that schmuck
to lower the price.
See you later Dad, Happy Father's day."
___________________________________________________
A woman breaks into what she thought was an abandoned house only to get the shock of her life.
A commercial property owner has three shops in a row, all
for rent. The first prospective lessee shows up, and says
he wants to rent the shop on the left.
The owner says, "Fine, what kind of shop do you have?"
The guy says, "A menswear shop."
The owner tells him he gets free signage, and asks what
he wants on the sign. "Menswear," says the man.
A second guy comes along and wants to let the right hand
shop. When asked he says he wants "Menswear" on his sign.
The owner tells him that the lefthand shop will be the same.
"No problem," says the man.
Finally a third man comes along to rent the middle shop.
The owner is most concerned because this guy also has a
menswear shop. Rather wearily the owner asks him what he
wants on his sign.
The guy replies: "Entrance."
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Ross for this story:
A Jewish couple is sitting together on an airplane flying
to The Far East. Suddenly, over the public address system,
the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid
I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased
functioning and this plane will be going down. Luckily, I
see an uncharted island below us that should be able to
accommodate our landing.
A few minutes later the plane lands safely on the island.
After touring the island the captain announced to the
passengers that the odds are that we will never be rescued
and will have to live on the island for the rest of our
lives."
Morris turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our
charity pledge to the Yeshiva yet?"
"No, Morris," she responds.
Morris smiles and then asks, "Esther, did we pay our
United Jewish Appeal pledge?"
"Oy, no! I haven't sent the check," she says.
Now Morris laughs out loud.
"One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our
Temple Building Fund check this month," he asks?
"Oy, Morris, I haven't sent that one, either." says Esther.
Now, Morris is practically choking with laughter.
Esther asks Morris, “So? What are you laughing about?"
Morris answers confidently, "They'll find us."
Today, on May 25
585 BC The first recorded prediction of a solar eclipse was
made in Greece.
1085 Alfonso VI took Toledo, Spain from the Moslems.
1787 The Constitutional convention opened in Philadelphia with
George Washington presiding.
1810 Argentina declared independence from Napoleonic Spain.
1844 The gasoline engine was patented by Stuart Perry.
1844 The first telegraphed news dispatch, sent from
Washington, DC, to Baltimore, MD, appeared in the Baltimore
"Patriot."
1895 Oscar Wilde, a playwright, poet and novelist, was
convicted of a morals charge and sentenced to prison in
London.
1925 John Scopes was indicted for teaching the Darwinian
theory in school.
1927 Ford Motor Company announced that the Model A would
replace the Model T.
1927 The "Movietone News" was shown for the first time at the
Sam Harris Theatre in New York City.
1946 Jordan gained independence from Britain.
1953 In Nevada, the first atomic cannon was fired.
1961 America was asked by U.S. President Kennedy to work
toward putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade.
1963 The Organization of African Unity was founded, in Addis
Ababa, Ethiopia.
1968 The Gateway Arch, part of the Jefferson National
Expansion Memorial in St. Louis, MO, was dedicated.
1970 Boeing Computer Services was founded.
1977 "Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope" opened and became the
largest grossing film to date.
1977 An opinion piece by Vietnam verteran Jan Scruggs appeared
in "The Washington Post." The article called for a national
memorial to "remind an ungrateful nation of what it has done
to its sons" that had served in the Vietnam War.
1979 An American Airlines DC-10 crashed during takeoff at
Chicago's O'Hare International Airport. 275 people were
killed.
1981 Daredevil Daniel Goodwin scaled Chicago's Sears Tower,
while wearing a "Spiderman" costume, in 7 1/2 hours.
1983 "The Return of the Jedi" opened nationwide. It set a new
record in opening day box office sales. The gross was
$6,219,629.
1985 Bangladesh was hit with a hurricane and tidal wave that
killed more than 11,000 people.
1989 The Calgary Flames won their first NHL Stanley Cup by
defeating the Montreal Canadiens.
1996 In Nimes, France, Christina Sanchez became the first
woman to achieve the rank of matadore in Europe.
1997 In Sierra Leone a military coup overthrew the popularly
elected President Ahmad Tejan Kabbah. He was replaced with
Major Johnny Paul Koromah.
1997 Poland adopted a constitution that removed all traces of
communism.
1999 A report by the U.S. House of Representatives Select
Committee on U.S. National Security and Military/Commercial
Concerns with the People's Republic of China concluded that
China had "stolen design information on the U.S. most-advanced
thermonuclear weapons" and that China's penetration of U.S.
weapons laboratories "spans at least the past several decades
and almost certainly continues today."
2000 The Walt Disney Co. and Time Warner Inc. signed a long-
term deal that ended a dispute over the airing policies of
Time Warner. Time Warner had blacked out Disney programs for a
39 hour period the previous month due to the lack of an
agreement.
2001 Erik Weihenmayer, 32, of Golden, CO, became the first
blind climber to reach the summit of Mount Everest.
2001 Sherman Bull, 64, of New Canaan, CT, became the oldest
climber to reach the summit of Mount Everest.
2006 In Houston, former Enron Corp. chiefs Kenneth Lay and
Jeffrey Skillinng were convicted of conspiracy and fraud for
the downfall of Enron.
2008 NASA's Phoenix Mars Lander landed in the arctic plains of
Mars.
2009 North Korea announced that it had conducted a second
successful nuclear test in the province of North Hamgyong. The
United Nations Security Council condemned the reported test.
2017 smiled.
Wednesday, May 24, 2017, 06:05 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, May 24
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida Muslim convert killed roommates over
disrespect to his faith
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 24 in
1689 The English Parliament passed Act of Toleration,
protecting Protestants. Roman Catholics were specifically
excluded from exemption.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
History is the version of past events that people have
decided to agree upon.
--- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769 - 1821)
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and
won't change the subject.
--- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough
to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
--- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Some teachers at state universities get to know our students
fairly well. One instructor told his communications class of
his plans to propose marriage. A student spoke up and said
that he had recently asked his girlfriend to marry him as
well.
"What was her answer?" the instructor asked.
I don't know yet," the student replied. "She hasn't e-mailed
me back yet."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Thanks to the folks from Erie for this:
A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the
United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down
the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me in
this country!"
But the passer-by says "You are mistaken, I am Mexican."
The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you
for having such a beautiful country here in America!" The
person says, "I no American, I Vietnamese."
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he
stops, shakes his hand and says, "Thank you for the wonderful
America!"
That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Syria,
I am not an American!"
He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you an
American?"
She says, "No, I am from Russia!"
So he is puzzled, and asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"
The Russian lady looks at her watch, shrugs, and says...
"Probably at work."
______________________________________________________
Splitrock lighthouse in Minnesota by Rochelle Soukup
on "We Love Lighthouses"
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Devon Arthurs,
18,
Tampa,
Floriduh
Florida Muslim convert killed roommates over
disrespect to his faith
Tampa police say a double homicide suspect told them he killed
two roommates because they disrespected his Muslim faith.
During an interview, 18-year-old Devon Arthurs admitted to the
shooting deaths of Jeremy Himmelman and Andrew Oneschuk, and
said they all used to be friends and shared neo-Nazi beliefs.
Arthurs says he later converted to Muslim, and became angry
with the world’s anti-Muslim sentiment.
He told police he wanted to bring attention to his cause.
The double homicide happened Friday night on Amberly Drive in
New Tampa.
Tampa police were called to the Green Planet Smoke Shop and
say Arthurs was holding three people at gunpoint. According to
the police report, Arthurs told them he killed someone and was
upset over America bombing his Muslim countries.
When police showed up, they convinced Arthurs to let the
hostages go and eventually handcuffed him.
The police report says Arthurs then made references to, “Allah
Mohammed!” and told police, “I had to do it. This wouldn’t
have had to happen if your country didn’t bomb my country.”
Interesting to note that the bonehead referred to the US as
"YOUR country" and ISIS controlled areas as "his country".
While he was being arrested, Arthurs told an officer people in
an apartment were dead. The suspect led police to the
apartment at The Hamptons at Tampa Palms Apartments on Amberly
Drive.
Responding officers found a man crying outside the door in
full U.S. Army camouflage. Arthurs told police the man was his
roommate and said, “He doesn’t know what’s going on and just
found them like you guys did.”
Police found two men, later identified as Himmelman and
Oneschuk, dead inside the apartment from gunshot wounds.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Tam
Re: Where can I learn HTML?
Dear Webby
I was wondering where I could learn to use HTML ?
thanks
Tam
Dear Tam
Look at the right side-menu.
There, about half way down, is a link to
Free HTML course
Click on that!
It takes you to http://htmlclinic.com/
Its totally free, no spyware, no pop-ups, no hassle.
Just an excellent "at-your-own-pace" HTML course.
And it is really easy.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
An old fellow came into the hospital truly on
death's door due to an infected gallbladder.
The surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant
that his patients be up and walking in the hall the
day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots
forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the
patient in the hall as ordered, and after the
third day the nurse told how he complained bitterly
each time they did. The surgeon told them to keep
walking him.
After a week, the patient was ready to go. His family
came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely
for what he had done for their father. The surgeon
was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told
them that it was really a simple operation and we
had been lucky to get him in time.
"But doctor, you don't understand," they said,
"Dad hasn't walked in over ten years!"
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Companion Plants for Growing Vegetables
This table is way too long to print here,
so here is the link to the original:
Companion Plants
Lighthouse shift change
____________________________________________________
Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales
on display at the department store.
"Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked.
"Yeah, my mom have one," replied..
"What's it for?"
"It's a cussing machine," answered.
"Every time mom stands on it, she gets really mad
and starts cussing."
___________________________________________________
A woman breaks into what she thought was an abandoned house only to get the shock of her life.
Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives.
One signs to the other, boy was my wife mad at me last
night! She went on and on and wouldn't stop! The other
Buddy says when my wife goes off on me, I just don't listen.
How do you do that? asks the other.
It's easy! I take off my glasses!
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Roland for this story:
Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while
when he came into the house and asked her,
"Grandma, what is that called when people are
sleeping on top of each other?"
She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the
truth..."It's called sexual intercourse, darling."
Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK" and went back outside to
talk and play with the other kids. A few minutes later he
came back in and said angrily,
"Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse!
It's called Bunk Beds!"
Today, on May 24
1610 Sir Thomas Gates institutes "laws divine moral and
marshal," a harsh civil code for Jamestown.
1624 After years of unprofitable operation Virginia’s charter
was revoked and it became a royal colony.
1689 The English Parliament passed Act of Toleration,
protecting Protestants. Roman Catholics were specifically
excluded from exemption.
1738 The Methodist Church was established.
1764 Bostonian lawyer James Otis denounced "taxation without
representation" and called for the colonies to unite in
demonstrating their opposition to Britain’s new tax measures.
1798 Believing that a French invasion of Ireland was imminent,
Irish nationalists rose up against the British occupation.
1816 Emamual Leutze was born in Germany. He was most famous
for his paintings "Washington Crossing the Delaware" and
"Columbus Before the Queen".
1822 At the Battle of Pichincha, Bolivar secured independence
of the Quito.
1830 The first passenger railroad service in the U.S. began
service.
1844 Samuel F.B. Morse formally opened America's first
telegraph line. The first message was sent from Washington,
DC, to Baltimore, MD. The message was "What hath God wrought?"
1859 Charles Gounod's "Ave Maria" was performed by Madame
Caroline Miolan-Carvalho for the first time in public.
1863 Bushwackers led by Captain William Marchbanks attacked a
U.S. Federal militia party in Nevada, Missouri.
1878 The first American bicycle race was held in Boston.
1881 About 200 people died when the Canadian ferry Princess
Victoria sank near London, Ontario.
1883 After 14 years of construction the Brooklyn Bridge was
opened to traffic.
1899 The first public garage was opened by W.T. McCullough.
1913 The U.S. Department of Labor entered into its first
strike mediation. The dispute was between the Railroad Clerks
of the New York, New Haven and Hartford Railroad.
1930 Amy Johnson became the first woman to fly from England to
Australia.
1931 B&O Railroad began service with the first passenger train
to have air conditioning throughout. The run was between New
York City and Washington, DC.
1935 The Cincinnati Reds played the Philadelphia Phillies in
the first major league baseball game at night. The switch for
the floodlights was thrown by U.S. President Franklin
Roosevelt.
1941 The HMS Hood was sunk by the German battleship Bismarck
in the North Atlantic. Only three people survived.
1954 The first moving sidewalk in a railroad station was
opened in Jersey City, NJ.
1958 United Press International was formed through a merger of
the United Press and the International News Service.
1961 The Freedom Riders were arrested in Jackson, Mississippi.
1967 California Governor Ronald Reagan greeted Charles M.
Schulz at the state capitol in observance of the legislature-
proclaimed "Charles Schulz Day."
1976 Britain and France opened trans-Atlantic Concorde service
to Washington.
1983 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the federal government
had the right to deny tax breaks to schools that racially
discriminate.
1986 Montreal won its 23rd National Hockey League (NHL)
Stanley Cup championship.
1990 The Edmonton Oilers won their fifth National Hockey
League (NHL) Stanley Cup.
1993 The Ethiopian province of Eritrea declared itself an
independent nation.
1994 The four men convicted of bombing the New York's World
Trade Center were each sentenced to 240 years in prison.
1999 39 miners were killed in an underground gas explosion in
the Ukraine.
2000 Five people were killed and two others wounded when two
gunmen entered a Wendy's restaurant in Flushing, Queens, New
York. The gunmen tied up the victims in the basement and then
shot them.
2000 The U.S. House of Representatives approved permanent
normal trade relations with China. China was not happy about
some of the human rights conditions that had been attached by
the U.S. lawmakers.
2000 A Democratic Party event for Al Gore in Washington
brought in $26.5 million. The amount set a new record, which
had just been set the previous month by Republicans for Texas
Gov. George W. Bush.
2001 Temba Tsheri, 15, became the youngest person to reach the
summit of Mount Everest.
2011 NASA announced the development of the Orion Multi-Purpose
Crew Vehicle (MPCV) spacecraft. It is intended to facilitate
exploration of the Moon, asteroids and Mars.
2017 smiled.
Tuesday, May 23, 2017, 07:56 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, May 23
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida Shooter Poops On His Arrest Warrant
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 23 in
1430 Joan of Arc was captured by Burgundians.
She was then sold to the English.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Education... has produced a vast population able to
read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading.
--- G. M. Trevelyan (1876 - 1962)
Though music oft hath such a charm to make bad good,
and good provoke to harm.
--- William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)
It isn't what you know that counts, it's what you think
of in time.
--- Benjamin Franklin
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
While teaching children about world religions, a teacher
asked her students to bring a symbol of their family's
faith to class. The next day, she asked each student to
come forward and share the symbol with the class.
The 1st child said, "I'm Muslim, and this is my prayer rug."
The 2nd child said, "I'm Jewish, and this is my family's
menorah."
The 3rd child said, "I'm Roman Catholic, and this is my
Mom's rosary."
The 4th child said, "I'm Greek Orthodox, and this is an
icon of my patron saint."
The 5th child said, "I'm Southern Baptist, and this is
my casserole dish."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
TEACHER: tester, name one important thing
we have today that we didn't have 10 years ago.
: Me!
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Demetrius Vidale,
24,
Deerfield Beach,
Floriduh
Florida Shooter Poops On His Arrest Warrant
Being accused of a crime is pretty crappy, but that’s no
reason to poop on a search warrant.
That’s what a Florida man accused of shooting at a Deerfield
Beach deputy allegedly did while his paperwork was being
processed, according to the Broward County Sheriff’s Office.
Demetrius Vidale, 24, was arrested Tuesday in connection with
a shootout that took place at about 3 a.m. Monday near
Tropicante Nightclub, according to the Miami Herald.
Authorities accuse Vidale of shooting and robbing club-goer
Jordan Harris, who is expected to recover.
In addition, Vidale allegedly shot at Broward Sheriff’s deputy
Derrick Nesbitt, who was responding to reports of gunshots.
The deputy fired back but wasn’t injured, according to WSVN
TV.
Vidale managed to elude capture until the next day, when he
was apprehended while driving in Fort Lauderdale.
Now Vidale has been charged with attempted first-degree
murder, attempted murder of a law enforcement officer, armed
robbery, obstructing a police officer executing a search
warrant and driving with a revoked license, according to the
criminal complaint.
But it’s what Vidale allegedly did while in custody thats
really raising a stink. When officers pulled over Vidale, they
served him with a search warrant to get his DNA in order to
match him to the crime scene.
Vidale refused to let officers take his picture, fingerprints
or DNA, claiming a judge had "no jurisdiction over him,"
according to the Florida Sun-Sentinel.
However, while Vidales paperwork was being processed, he
allegedly went into the bathroom and dumped a whole bunch of
DNA ? or "defecation not appreciated" ? on the warrant,
according to WSVN-TV.
Vidale appeared in court on Wednesday where he chose to
represent himself and to argue with the judge, the Sun-
Sentinel reports.
Jail records show Vidale remains behind bars at the Broward
County Main Jail. Until he recognizes the jurisdiction of the
judge, the judge cant grant him bail anyway.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Chris
Re: Value of Bat
Dear Webby
A friend is moving out of her home and came across this old
bat she has had for years. It's numbered 'LL797' and is in
great condition. Anyone know where to find out about such
things for her?
Thanks in advance,
Chris
Dear Chris
I am more familiar with DOS bats than wooden ones.
So, your friend has "bats in the attic" ?
I wonder if you know what that phrase means around here ?
All joking aside, the easiest way to find out if it is
worth more than firewood, is to take a picture of it and
post it on e-bay. If nobody bids on it, give it to a kid in
exchange for mowing the lawn or weeding the driveway.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral
spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the
blackboard.
"Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed
a "K" in the front?"
After a moment's reflection, Johnny smiled and belted out:
"Canoe!"
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Peony Bushes Not Blooming
By Frank [4 Posts, 20 Comments]
If they are not setting buds then they are planted to deep.
Peony need to be planted shallow. If you can see some of the
root when planting that is ok. So you need to break up the
roots and replant. You will probably have plants left over to
give away. The earlier post is correct on the ants. Ants help
them to bloom.
Frank
Make sure the peonies have ants.
They need them to produce flowers. As long as they have ants,
they are as hardy as rhubarb. Mowing them in late summer also
seems to help.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
wrestling match between
4-year-old girl and boy
____________________________________________________
Thanks to Lynn for this one: I have the most marvelous recipe
for meat loaf! All I have to do is mention it to my husband
and he says, "Let's eat out!"
___________________________________________________
Guinea Pigs With Luscious Locks to Die For
It was "sharing time" in a kindergarten full of bright
children. The teacher was presiding over a discussion about
the children's parents. One child said, "Well, my mother's a
Catholic and my father's Jewish."
"Oh, wow!" said another. "So what do you believe?"
"I believe in everything," said the first child.
"What do you mean 'everything'?" asked another child.
"Well, you know," said the first child, "Jesus Christ, Moses,
Snow White, the Tooth Fairy, Santa, the Easter Bunny,
everything!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
>From Don
When we moved into our new home, the first one we owned rather
than rented, two of my husband's friends gave him a bottle of
champagne. In the hustle and bustle of getting settled, the
gift was tucked away and temporarily forgotten. Three months
later we held a Christening party for our third child.
Champagne flowed in celebration until, running short, we
remembered our housewarming gift. In front of our guests, I
opened the attached card and read it aloud, "Donald, take good
care of this one. This one is yours!"
Today, on May 23
1430 Joan of Arc was captured by Burgundians. She was then
sold to the English.
1533 Henry VIII’s marriage to Catherine of Aragon was declared
null and void.
1618 The Thirty Years War began when three opponents of the
Reformation were thrown through a window.
1701 In London, Captain William Kidd was hanged after being
convicted of murder and piracy.
1785 Benjamin Franklin wrote in a letter that he had invented
bifocals.
1827 The first US nursery school was established in New York
City.
1873 Canada's North West Mounted Police force was established.
The organization's name was changed to Royal Canadian Mounted
Police in 1920.
1895 The New York Public Library was created with an agreement
that combined the city's existing Astor and Lenox libraries.
1901 American forces captured Filipino rebel leader Emilio
Aguinaldo.
1908 Part of the Great White Fleet arrived in Puget Sound, WA.
1915 During World War I, Italy switched sides and joined the
Allies.
1926 The French captured the Moroccan Rif capital.
1934 In Bienville Parish, LA, Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow
were ambushed and killed by Texas Rangers. The bank robbers
were riding in a stolen Ford Deluxe.
1937 Industrialist John D. Rockefeller died.
1938 "LIFE" magazine’s cover pictured Errol Flynn as a glamour
boy.
1945 In Luneburg Germany, Heinrich Himmler, the head of the
Nazi Gestapo, committed suicide while imprisoned by the Allied
forces.
1949 The Republic of West Germany was established.
1960 Israel announced the capture of Nazi Adolf Eichmann in
Argentina.
1981 In Barcelona, Spain, gunmen seized control of the Central
Bank and took 200 hostages.
1985 Thomas Patrick Cavanagh was sentenced to life in prison
for trying to sell Stealth bomber secrets to the Soviet Union.
1995 The Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City
was demolished.
1998 British Protestants and Irish Catholics of Northern
Ireland approved a peace accord.
1999 In Kansas City, MO, Owen Hart (Blue Blazer) died when he
fell 90 feet while being lowered into a WWF wrestling ring. He
was 33 years old.
1999 Gerry Bloch, at age 81, became the oldest climber to
scale El Capitan in Yosemite National Park. He broke his own
record that he set in 1986 when he was 68 years old.
2013 Google acquired Makani Power for use for its Project
Wing.
2017 smiled.
Monday, May 22, 2017, 09:05 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, May 22
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman in labor smokes crack,
leaves newborn in yard
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 22 in
1955 A scheduled dance to be headlined by Fats Domino
was canceled by police in Bridgeport, Connecticut
because "rock and roll dances might be featured."
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
The government's view of the economy could be summed up
in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps
moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
--- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004)
According to a new survey, women say they feel more
comfortable undressing in front of men than they do
undressing in front of other women. They say that
women are too judgmental, where, of course,
men are just grateful.
---Jay Leno
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Malcolm:
The other day I was playing golf and saw an unusual
thing. A golfer became so mad that he threw his
brand new set of golf clubs into the lake.
A few minutes later he came back, waded into the
lake, and retrieved his clubs. He proceeded to take
his car keys out of the bag -- then threw the clubs
back into the water.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Dad gives some advice to his son before his first real date.
"Son, when you pick up your date later, make sure you have
some flowers or chocolates to give her. Girls go crazy over
that stuff. The more you give, the more you get! It's an
exchange thing."
So, the son showed up for his date with flowers.
She was very flattered and pleased, and she rewarded him
with a long, passionate kiss. She pressed her chest against
him and rubbed her fingers through his hair,.... hoping to
give him the best kiss that he had ever received.
After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door.
"Oh! I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to scare you
away."
"You didn't!" he replied. "I'll be right back. There are
still TONS of flowers at the cemetery a couple of blocks
south of here."
______________________________________________________
Whoever sent this one to me, years ago, Thank You!
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Katrina Kegelman,
24,
Clearwater,
Floriduh
Florida woman in labor smokes crack,
leaves newborn in yard
A pregnant Florida woman was arrested for allegedly smoking
crack cocaine while in labor and leaving her newborn outside,
police said.
Katrina Kegelman, 24, of Clearwater, gave birth Monday night
at her home and left the baby in the back yard, according to
the Tampa Bay Times.
A friend “noticed blood on Kegelman’s pants” and called 911,
the Times reported. Kegelman finally motioned to firefighters
that the newborn was hidden in the yard, police said.
Kegelman told police she lied about the child because she was
afraid of getting arrested for “having smoked crack moments
before giving birth,” the Times reported.
Kegelman faces a child neglect charge. The infant is well,
according to police.
In most places use of crack, cocaine, or heroin during late
pregnancy results in automatic confiscation and adoption of
the infant by Protective Services and automatic child neglect
charges.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Bonnie
Re: phishing at the PayPal pond
Dear Webby
I know you've touched on correspondence from PayPal in the
past, but of course, I don't remember what you said! I
received
a notice to update my info with them today at the link below
(which is in German, by the way, when I click on it). Any
thoughts on whether they're who they say they are? The
msge said to update by Aug 2 or my account will go into
suspension. I know your knowledge is vast; maybe you
can help me.
Thanks!
PS. It would not hurt to post a heads-up to the newsletter.
Bonnie
Dear Dear Bonnie
That's just some crooks trying to con you into giving them
your PayPal password and info.
PayPal will NEVER ask you for that info.
They already know it!
The same goes for Ebay or any bank.
Forward PayPal spoofs to spoof@paypal.com.
If you do feel compelled to fill it out, use totally bogus
info. If some politician sends you junkmail, use his or her
name and email address, and make up the rest of the info.
It will just waste the crook's time, since it is highly
unlikely that you correctly guess that politician's password.
(unless you type in "password")
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A minister was asked to inform a man with a heart condition
that he had just inherited a million dollars. Everyone was
afraid the shock would give him a heart attack.
So the minister went to the man's house and said, "Joe, what
would you do if you inherited a million dollars?"
And Joe said, "Well, pastor, I think I would give half of
it to the church."
At which the pastor fell over dead.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Altoid Tin to Hold Business Cards
By Judy Pariser S. [286 Posts, 2,665 Comments]
The Altoid tin is the perfect size to hold business cards. I
like to keep cards of recommended people like plumbers and
electricians before I need them. The tin keeps everything neat
and in one place.
Comment:
By Sandi/Poor But Proud [600 Posts, 2,474 Comments]
Great tip. I also get the 12 packs of waxy ear plugs from
Walmart. The container is the best size for cards and you can
see them as well.
Eagles take out drones!
____________________________________________________
There was a fairly wealthy 70 year-old man who had just
married a beautiful 25-year-old young lady.
One of his long time friends said to him, "How did you get
that gorgeous woman to marry a 70 year-old guy like you?"
The man leaned over and whispered to his friend,
"It was easy. I simply told her that I was 90 and had heart
problems, and she instantly fell in love with me."
----------
I`ll keep that in mind just in case I ever get fairly wealthy
when I turn 70!
___________________________________________________
In search of America's darkest skies.
"I'm telling you, Carol, I've never been happier, " Betty told
her friend. "I have two boyfriends. One is just
fabulous,...handsome, attentive, sensitive, caring and
considerate."
What in the world do you need the second one for?" Carol
asked?"
"Oh," Betty replied, "the other one is straight."
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
>From Linda
For many years I worked as a receptionist and switchboard
operator at a busy company. After a good annual review,
my supervisor told me I was up for a raise, pending
approval of the vice president. A month later, my supervisor
called me into his office and told me the VP had refused
to approve the raise. His reason? I clearly wasn't doing my
job. Every time he saw me, I was either chatting with
someone in the lobby or talking on the phone.
So I started doing the work for my Internet home business
while on the job, and at the next review, got my raise.
Today, on May 22
1246 Henry Raspe was elected anti-king by the Rhenish prelates
in France.
1455 King Henry VI was taken prisoner by the Yorkists at the
Battle of St. Albans, during the War of the Roses.
1570 Abraham Ortelius published the first modern atlas in
Belgium.
1761 In Philadelphia, the first life insurance policy was
issued in the U.S.
1819 The steamship Savannah became the first to cross the
Atlantic Ocean.
1841 Henry Kennedy received a patent for the first reclining
chair.
1849 Abraham Lincoln received a patent for the floating dry
dock.
1868 Near Marshfield, IN, The "Great Train Robbery" took
place. The robbery was worth $96,000 in cash, gold and bonds
to the seven members of the Reno gang.
1872 The Amnesty Act restored civil rights to Southerners.
1882 The U.S. formally recognized Korea.
1891 The first public motion picture was given in Thomas
Edison's lab.
1892 Dr. Washington Sheffield invented the toothpaste tube.
1900 The Associated Press was incorporated as a non-profit
news cooperative in New York.
1900 A. DeVilbiss, Jr. patented his pendulum-type computing
scale.
1900 Edwin S. Votey received a patent for the pianola (a
pneumatic piano player). It could be attached to any piano.
1906 The Wright brothers received a patent their flying
machine.
1939 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini signed a military
alliance between Germany and Italy known as the "Pact of
Steel."
1947 The Truman Doctrine was enacted by the U.S. Congress to
appropriate military and economic aid for Turkey and Greece.
1955 A scheduled dance to be headlined by Fats Domino was
canceled by police in Bridgeport, Connecticut because "rock
and roll dances might be featured."
1955 Jack Benny did his last live network radio broadcast
after a run of 23 years. He devoted his time fully to TV.
1969 A lunar module of Apollo 10 flew within nine miles of the
moon's surface. The event was a rehearsal for the first lunar
landing.
1972 U.S. President Nixon became the first U.S. president to
visit Russia. He met with Soviet leader Leonid Brezhnev.
1972 The island Ceylon adopted a new constitution and became
the republic of Sri Lanka.
1977 Janet Guthrie set the fastest time of the second weekend
of qualifying, becoming the first woman to earn a starting
spot in the Indianapolis 500 since its inception in 1911.
1986 Sylvester Stallone agreed to a 10-picture, six-year deal
with United Artists. He signed for a reported $15 million for
each film.
1990 In the Middle East, North and South Yemen merged to
become a single state known as the Republic of Yemen.
1990 Microsoft released Windows 3.0.
1997 Kelly Flinn, the U.S. Air Force's first female bomber
pilot certified for combat, accepted a general discharge. She
thereby avoided court-martial on charges of adultery, lying
and disobeying an order.
1998 New information came to light about the June 1996 bombing
that killed 19 American airmen. The information indicated that
Saudi citizens had been responsible and not Iranians as once
believed.
2002 Chandra Levy's remains were found in Washington, DC's
Rock Creek Park. She was last seen on April 30, 2001.
California Congressman Gary Condit was questioned in the case
due to his relationship with Levy.
2002 In Birmingham, AL, a jury convicted former Ku Klux
Klansman Bobby Frank Cherry of murder in the 1963 church
bombing that killed four girls.
2012 In Japan, the Tokyo Skytree tower opened.
2017 smiled.
Sunday, May 21, 2017, 07:34 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, May 21
Thank you all for your birthday greetings
in email and on FB!
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Man wore Home Depot apron to
steal air conditioners
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 21 in
1471 King Henry VI was killed in the tower of London.
Edward IV took the throne.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
You can only be young once.
But you can always be immature.
Dave Barry (1947 - )
Few things are harder to put up with
than the annoyance of a good example.
--- Mark Twain
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Lyra
My boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day
that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went
out and came back with a small sign that read, "I'm the
Boss".
He taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that
someone had taped a note to the sign that said.
"Your wife called,
she said she did not authorize that sign."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Computer Bumper Snickers
Don't make me use uppercase.
Get a Life? Cool! Where can I download one of them from?
The truth is out there? Does anyone know the URL?
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Bernardo Calana,
53,
Haverhill,
Massachusetts
Man wore Home Depot apron to
steal air conditioners
Police say a man donned an orange Home Depot apron and posed
as an employee to steal air conditioners in New Hampshire. But
a manager noticed the name on the garment didn’t match that of
any worker at the store.
Police arrested 53-year-old Bernardo Calana, of Haverhill,
Massachusetts, on Saturday.
WMUR-TV reports Calana loaded two air conditions into his
pickup truck in Plaistow and went back inside.
A manager noticed the apron with the name “Shannon” with
flowers drawn on it and called police.
Calana later told police he didn’t know anything about the air
conditioners, but a Home Depot apron was found in his back
pocket.
Calana was released on bail. The voice mailbox for a listed
phone number for him was full.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Lupita
Re: Hex numbers for colors
Dear Webby
how do I get those hex numbers for colors on web pages,
when I need a color that is in between colors that have
proper names?
Thanks
Lupita
Dear Lupita
Ther are a few programs that will do that. The one I have
been using for about 20 years is called colour.exe. You
can download it from http://webby.com/tools.html and
save it right onto the desktop. It is a very small program,
but works 100% reliably and has no unnecesary confusion.
It is free.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and wandered in the
women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,
"What's the matter?
Haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Hairy Monster Paperclip Bookmarks
By ShirleyE [170 Posts, 107 Comments]
Supplies:
paper clips
cord or yarn in different colours
scissors
strong glue
small wiggle eyes
Steps:
Cut some cord into short lengths about 2 to 3 inches long.
Fold them in half.
Pass the loop end through a paper clip.
Pass the cut ends through the loop and pull tight.
Repeat twice more and trim with scissors.
Glue the wiggle eyes in place. You can use pva glue for this,
but it will take a long time to dry and won't hold for very
long. A strong quick drying glue will work better.
Try different hairstyles.
Wait until the glue is properly dry before using to mark a
page. You don't want to be sticking the pages together.
Some leftover yarn or wool pieces will keep visiting kids busy
on a rainy aafternoon. A flexible rubber type glue works best
and the collateral mess is easy to clean up.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
mpossible Wheel Climb
____________________________________________________
When my cousin, Tom, was at the police academy, prior to
joining Chicago's finest, one of his instructors asked him
during an oral exam,
"What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"
He immediately replied, with conviction,
"Call for back-up, LOTS of back-up."
___________________________________________________
People are Awesome-Best of the week!
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking
around here and you should do it, because that is your job,
and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replied, "No you should do it, and besides it is in
the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replied, " I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says
"HEBREWS"
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Once upon a time, the only signs along rural highways were
CocaCola billboards and Burma Shave signs nailed to fences.
They have long been harvested by collectors.
Here are some of the more memorable ones:
***Burma Shave***
BROTHER SPEEDER
LET'S REHEARSE,
ALL TOGETHER
GOOD MORNING NURSE
***Burma Shave***
DON'T LOOSE YOUR HEAD
TO GAIN A MINUTE
YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT
*** Burma Shave***
DROVE TOO LONG
DRIVER SNOOZING
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
IS NOT AMUSING
***Burma Shave***
HUGGING ON HIGHWAY
FAVORITE SPORT
TRADE IN YOUR CAR
FOR A DAVENPORT
***Burma Shave***
CAUTIOUS RIDER
TO HER RECKLESS DEAR
LET'S HAVE LESS BULL
AND MORE STEER
***Burma Shave***
SPEED WAS HIGH
WEATHER WAS NOT
TIRES WERE THIN
X MARKS THE SPOT
***Burma Shave***
THE MIDNIGHT RIDE
OF PAUL FOR BEER
LED TO A WARMER
HEMISPHERE
***Burma Shave***
AROUND THE CURVE
LICKETY-SPLIT
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL CAR
WASN'T IT?
***Burma shave***
NO MATTER THE PRICE
NO MATTER HOW NEW
THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE
IN THE CAR IS YOU
*** Burma Shave***
A GUY WHO DRIVES
A CAR WIDE OPEN
IS NOT THINKIN'
HE'S JUST HOPIN'
***Burma Shave***
AT INTERSECTIONS
LOOK EACH WAY
A HARP SOUNDS NICE
BUT ITS HARD TO PLAY
***Burma Shave***
BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL
EYES ON THE ROAD
THAT'S THE SKILLFUL
DRIVER'S CODE
***Burma Shave***
THE ONE WHO DRIVES WHEN
HE'S BEEN DRINKING
DEPENDS ON YOU
TO DO HIS THINKING
***Burma Shave***
CAR IN DITCH
DRIVER IN TREE
THE MOON WAS FULL
AND SO WAS HE.
***Burma Shave***
DRUNKEN DRIVERS
HERE'S YOUR CHANCE
TO HOBBLE HOME
IN AN AMBULANCE
***Burma Shave***
If You Drive
While You're Drunk
Carry Your Coffin
In Your Trunk
***Burma Shave***
She Kissed The Hairbrush
By Mistake
She Thought It Was
Her Husband Jake
***Burma Shave***
The Hero Was
Strong And Willin'
She Felt His Face
And Married The Villain
***Burma Shave***
It Would Be More Fun
To Go By Air
But We Can't Hang
These Signs Up There
***Burma Shave***
Today, on May 21
0996 Sixteen year old Otto III was crowned the Roman Emperor.
1471 King Henry VI was killed in the tower of London. Edward
IV took the throne.
1536 The Reformation was officially adopted in Geneva,
Switzerland.
1542 Hernando de Soto died along the Mississippi River while
searching for gold.
1602 Martha's Vineyard was first sighted by Captain
Bartholomew Gosnold.
1790 Paris was divided into 48 zones.
1819 Bicycles were first seen in the U.S. in New York City.
They were originally known as "swift walkers."
1840 New Zealand was declared a British colony.
1856 Lawrence, Kansas was captured by pro-slavery forces.
1863 The siege of the Confederate Port Hudson, LA, began.
1891 Peter Jackson and Jim Corbett fought for 61 rounds only
to end in a draw.
1904 Fédération Internationale de Football Association (FIFA)
was founded.
1906 Louis H. Perlman received his patent for the demountable
tire-carrying rim.
1924 Fourteen-year-old Bobby Franks was murdered in a "thrill
killing" committed by Nathan Leopold Jr. and Richard Loeb. The
killers were students at the University of Chicago.
1927 Charles A. Lindberg completed the first solo nonstop
airplane flight across the Atlantic Ocean. The trip began May
20.
1929 The first automatic electric stock quotation board was
used by Sutro and Company of New York City.
1934 Oskaloosa, IA, became the first city in the U.S. to
fingerprint all of its citizens.
1947 Joe DiMaggio and five of his New York Yankee teammates
were fined $100 because they had not fulfilled contract
requirements to do promotional duties for the team.
1956 The U.S. exploded the first airborne hydrogen bomb in the
Pacific Ocean over Bikini Atoll.
1961 Governor Patterson declared martial law in Montgomery,
AL.
1968 The nuclear-powered U.S. submarine Scorpion, with 99 men
aboard, was last heard from. The remains of the sub were later
found on the ocean floor 400 miles southwest of the Azores.
1970 The National Guard was mobilized to quell disturbances at
Ohio State University.
1980 The movie "The Empire Strikes Back" was released.
1982 The British landed in the Falkland Islands and fighting
began.
1991 In Madras, India, the former prime minister, Rajiv Gandhi
was killed by a bouquet of flowers that contained a bomb.
1998 An expelled student, Kipland Kinkel, in Springfield, OR,
killed 2 people and wounded 25 others with a semi-automatic
rifle. Police also discovered that the boy had killed his
parents before the rampage.
1998 Microsoft and Sega announced that they are collaborating
on a home video game system.
1998 In Miami, FL, five abortion clinics were hit by an
butyric acid-attacker.
2017 smiled.
Saturday, May 20, 2017, 09:22 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, May 20
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
A Florida man allegedly set a new sheriff’s car
on fire then called 911 twice to report it,
on stolen cell phone.
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 20 in
1949 DearWebby was born
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
He's the kind of a guy who lights up a room just by
flicking a switch.
--- Socratex
"A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance."
--- Benjamin Franklin
"Trying to understand is like straining through muddy
water. Be still and allow the mud to settle."
--- Michelangelo
Children are unpredictable. You never know what
inconsistency they're going to catch you in next."
--- Franklin P. Jones
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Ann for this one:
FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in
San Diego that was under investigation for medical
insurance fraud.
After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records,
the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite.
The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby
pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner
for his colleagues. The following telephone conversation
took place and was recorded by the FBI because they
were taping all conversations at the hospital.
Agent: Hello. I'd like to order 19 large pizzas and 3 cases
of soda.
Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?
Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.
Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.
Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent?
Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.
Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through
the front doors. We have them locked. You'll have to go
around to the back service entrance to deliver the pizzas.
Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?
Pizza Man: Everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI
agent?
Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're
starving.
Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?
Agent: We’ve collected a pool of cash.
Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents?
Agent: Yes.
Pizza Man: With guns?
Agent: That's right. Now, can you remember to bring the
pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear?
We have the front doors locked.
Pizza Man: No way.
*Click*
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Ann for this joke:
A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon
off and enjoying a round of golf.
The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty
swing. He missed the ball entirely and said
"Damn, I missed."
The good Sister told him to watch his language.
On his next swing, he missed again.
"Damn, I missed."
"Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep
swearing", the nun said tartly.
The priest promised to do better and the round continued.
On the 4th tee, he misses again.
The usual comment followed.
Sister is really mad now and says,
"Father John, God is going to strike you dead if you keep
swearing like that."
On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again.
"Damn, I missed."
A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning
comes out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her
tracks.
And from the sky comes a booming voice,
"Damn, missed again!."
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Frederick Davis,
40,
Daytona Beach,
Floriduh
A Florida man allegedly set a new sheriff’s car
on fire then called 911 twice to report it,
on stolen cell phone.
A Florida man allegedly set a new sheriff’s car on fire then
called 911 twice to report it, authorities said.
Frederick Davis, 40, of Daytona Beach, was arrested Friday for
an incident that happened in September of 2016, according to
the Daytona Beach News-Journal.
Volusia County Sheriff Mike Chitwood brought a patrol car in
for service at an area gas station when Davis came along and
allegedly set it on fire, the News-Journal reported.
Davis then reportedly made two 911 calls on a stolen iPhone to
report the crime, according to the Daytona Beach News-Journal.
Davis faces a slew of charges including arson, burglary, and
fleeing or attempting to elude charge.
“He was taunting law enforcement,” Chitwood told the
newspaper. “Now he got the welcome mat rolled out for him at
the Seminole County jail.”
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Bob
Re: Print from PowerPoint
Dear Webby
Is there a simple and quick way to print individual pages
in a power point file?
Bob S
Dear Bob
Just right click and select PRINT.
That will print that slide.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Thanks to Kris for this story:
Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't
believe. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the
first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass
of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single
red rose!
Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all
clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and
sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean.
So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black
eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices
a note on the table:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping--
Love you!"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot
breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at
the table, eating. Jack asks,
"Son...what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your
mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and
got that black eye when you ran into the door."
"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean,
I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "OH THAT!... Mom dragged you to the
bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you
screamed, "Leave me alone,you silly broad, I'm married!
I guess she likes it when you call her a silly broad."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing Hard Water Deposits from Faucets
Litter Gitter [214 Posts, 681 Comments]
I saw this tip in a video on the internet and had a chance to
try it out on an old faucet that had years of calcium buildup
on it.
To remove calcium deposits on a faucet, wrap a cloth or small
towel, that is soaked with white vinegar, around the faucet
and let it sit for several hours. It will remove most of the
calcium deposit. Afterwards, scrub with steel wool or a
scrubbing pad to remove any that remains.
In this case, I wrapped the vinegar soaked towel around the
faucet and poured more vinegar on the towel and let it sit
over night. I was surprised at the results when I removed the
towel.
I didn't have time to do any scrubbing with steel wool, but
you can tell the difference just by looking at the photos that
the white vinegar removed most of the calcium deposit.
In case you're confused by all the investigations
____________________________________________________
The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword,
and occasionally, the programmer.
Microsoft, it's not a bug! It's an undocumented feature.
___________________________________________________
Meet the Amazonian terminators, the most feared women in history.
Re: all that silly spam about making $$$$ fast...
Are you REALLY interested in making $$$$ fast?
Here's an incredibly simple way to do it,
and there is nothing to buy,
no investment to make,
no money to lose!
Try it now!
Follow this simple procedure:
1) Hold down the shift key.
2) Hit the 4 key four times really fast.
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Do you know the difference between an Irishman and a
Scotsman?
Hmmmm, not really.
A scotsman can say no to another beer,
if it is his turn to buy a round.
Today, on May 20
0325 The Ecumenical council was inaugurated by Emperor
Constantine in Nicea, Asia Minor.
1303 A peace treaty was signed between England and France over
the town of Gascony.
1506 In Spain, Christopher Columbus died in poverty.
1520 Hernando Cortez defeated Spanish troops that had been
sent to punish him in Mexico.
1690 England passed the Act of Grace, forgiving followers of
James II.
1674 John Sobieski became Poland’s first King.
1774 Britain's Parliament passed the Coercive Acts to punish
the American colonists for their increasingly anti-British
behavior
1775 North Carolina became the first colony to declare its
independence. This is the date that is on the George state
flag even though the date of this event has been questioned.
1784 The Peace of Versailles ended a war between France,
England, and Holland.
1830 The fountain pen was patented by H.D. Hyde.
1861 During the American Civil War, the capital of the
Confederacy was moved from Montgomery, AL, to Richmond, VA.
1873 Levi Strauss began marketing blue jeans with copper
rivets.
1899 Jacob German of New York City became the first driver to
be arrested for speeding. The posted speed limit was 12 miles
per hour.
1902 The U.S. military occupation of Cuba ended.
1902 Cuba gained its independence from Spain.
1927 Charles Lindbergh took off from New York to cross the
Atlantic for Paris aboard his airplane the "Spirit of St.
Louis." The trip took 33 1/2 hours.
1930 The first airplane was catapulted from a dirigible.
1932 Amelia Earhart took off to fly solo across the Atlantic
Ocean. She became the first woman to achieve the feat.
1939 The first telecast over telephone wires was sent from
Madison Square Garden to the NBC-TV studios at 30 Rockefeller
Center in Manhattan. The event was a bicycle race.
1939 The first regular air-passenger service across the
Atlantic Ocean began with the take-off of the "Yankee Clipper"
from Port Washington, New York. The US stopped selling Helium
to Germany and discouraged flying with Zeppelins.
1941 Germany invaded Crete by air.
1942 Japan completed the conquest of Burma.
1949 DearWebby was born
1961 A white mob attacked the Freedom Riders in Montgomery,
AL. The event prompted the federal government to send U.S.
marshals.
1969 U.S. and South Vietnamese forces captured Apbia Mountain,
which was referred to as Hamburger Hill.
1970 100,000 people marched in New York supporting U.S.
policies in Vietnam.
1978 Mavis Hutchinson, at age 53, became the first woman to
run across America. It took Hutchinson 69 days to run the
3,000 miles.
1980 The submarine Nautilus was designated as a National
Historic Landmark by the U.S. Secretary of the Interior.
1985 The FBI arrested U.S. Navy Chief Petty Officer John
Walker. Walker had begun spying for the Soviet Union in 1968.
1990 The Hubble Space Telescope sent back its first
photographs.
1996 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down a Colorado measure
banning laws that would protect homosexuals from
discrimination.
1999 At Heritage High School in Conyers, GA, a 15-year-old
student shot and injured six students. He then surrendered to
an assistant principal at the school.
2010 Scientists announced that they had created a functional
synthetic genome.
2010 Five paintings worth 100 million Euro were stolen from
the Musée d'Art Moderne de la Ville de Paris.
2017 smiled.
Friday, May 19, 2017, 07:48 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, May 19
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
MA drunk driver had Bearded Dragon lizard
in her bra
href="http://webby.com/humor/#Bonehead_Award"> Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 18 in
1568 After being defeated by the Protestants,
Mary the Queen of Scots, fled to England where
she was imprisoned by Queen Elizabeth.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Being in politics is like being a football coach.
You have to be smart enough to understand the game,
and dumb enough to think it's important.
--- Eugene McCarthy
Women should be obscene and not heard.
--- Groucho Marx
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A father and son went hunting together for the first time. The
father said, Stay here and be very QUIET. Ill be across the
field.
An hour later, the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran
back to his son.
"What's wrong?", the father asked. " I told you to be quiet!"
The son answered, "Look, I was quiet when the snake
slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed
down my neck. But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant legs
and said, 'Should we eat them here or take them with us?', I
guess I just panicked."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
2015 CALIFORNIA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION
Name: ___________________ Stage Name: __________________
Agent: ___________________ Attorney: ____________________
Therapist's Name: _________________
Sex: [ ] Male [ ] Female*[ ] Formerly Male [ ] Formerly Female [
] Both [ ]
*If female, indicate breast implant size: _______
Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely
operate a motor vehicle in any way? [ ] Yes [ ] No
Please list brand of cell phone: ________.
If you don't own a cell phone, please explain why you don't:
______________________________________________
(Use extra pages, if necessary)
Please check hair color:
Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
Teenagers: [ ] Red [ ] Orange [ ] Green [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ]
Skinhead [ ] Other ___________
Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all
that apply)
[ ] Eating
[ ] Drinking Starbucks coffee
[ ] Applying make-up
[ ] Shaving (male or female)
[X] Talking on the phone (already checked for your convenience)
[ ] Lifting weights
[ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[ ] Snorting cocaine
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading Variety
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop
[ ] Discharging firearms / reloading
Please indicate how many times, while driving, you expect to:
[ ] a) Shoot at other drivers ___
[ ] b) Be shot at ___
If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately:
[ ] a) Call the police to report the crime.
[ ] b) Call Channel 9 News to report the crime, then watch your
car on the news in a high- speed chase.
[ ] c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular
phone company for your 911 call not going through.
[ ] d) Call your therapist.
In the event of an earthquake, you should:
[ ] a) Stop your car.
[ ] b) Keep driving and hope for the best.
[ ] c) Immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones.
[ ] d) Pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel
9.
In the instance of rain, you should:
[ ] a) Never drive over 5 MPH.
[ ] b) Drive twice as fast as usual.
[ ] c) You're not sure what "rain" is.
Please indicate your current number of therapy sessions per
week:
________
Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
[ ] a) Prozac
[ ] b) Zovirax
[ ] c) Lithium
[ ] d) Zanax
[ ] e) Valium
[ ] f) Medical pot
[ ] g) Zoloft
[ ] h) All of the above
[ ] i) None of the above*
*If none, please explain when you expect to get out of jail:
__________________.
Length of daily commute:
[ ] a) Less than 1 hour*
[ ] b) 1 hour
[ ] c) 2 hours
[ ] d) 3 hours
[ ] e) 4 hours or more
*If less than 1 hour, please explain where you are incarcerated:
____________________.
When stopped by police, you should:
[ ] a) Pull over and have your driver's license and
insurance form ready.
[ ] b) Try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the
freeway.
[ ] c) Have your video camera ready and provoke them to
attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit profit.
When you see a woman driver with her arm extended out the
window, it means:
[ ] a) Her turn-signals are broken.
[ ] b) She is giving an indication she intends to change lanes.
[ ] c) She is drying her nails.
Which part of your car will wear out first?
[ ] a) The wiper blades
[ ] b) The seat belts
[ ] c) The horn
Automatic door locks are good for:
[ ] a) Security
[ ] b) Convenience
[ ] c) Messing with the heads of people trying to get in.
The "bright" setting on your headlights is for:
[ ] a) Dark, poorly lit roads
[ ] b) Flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way
[ ] c) Revenge
Do you read English or Spanish?
[ ] Yes
[ ] No
[ ] Don't know
Do you recognize and understand any road signs other
than McDonalds and Denny's?
[ ] Yes
[ ] No
Has pot been legalized in California?
[ ] Yes
[ ] No
[ ] Don't know
[ ] Don't care
Do you prefer cars with the turn signal factory pre-set for
[ ] left
[ ] right
[ ] off
Are your mirrors adjusted for
[ ] checking make-up
[ ] checking the kids in the back seat
[ ] your bald rear tires
[ ] missing
If you see an old sneaker on the freeway, do you
[ ] slam on the brakes and hope you can sue the turkeys
who rear-end you
[ ] swerve to nail it with your tire
[ ] both
If you are over the age of 75, you do not have to complete this
test, you are entitled to drive even if you cannot see, hear, or
move.
If you can speak enough Spanglish to be able to pretend to be an
illegal immigrant, then you don't need a drivers license. In
that case, sign here: _____________
______________________________________________________
Share
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by Moe:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Amy Rebello-McCarthy,
39,
Newton,
Massachusetts
MA drunk driver had Bearded Dragon lizard
in her bra
A Massawhosits woman was found with an exotic lizard in her bra
following a drunk driving arrest on Tuesday, police said.
Amy Rebello-McCarthy, 39, of Newton, was charged with operating
a motor vehicle under the influence of liquor, driving to
endanger and a marked lane violation. Her car hit six mailboxes
before it left the roadway and went onto a lawn — flattening all
four tires and ripping off both bumpers —Tuesday afternoon on
Staple Street in Taunton.
"She came down here and went airborne," said Faith Adams, a
witness who described the crash path into the mailboxes.
When police arrived and approached Rebello-McCarthy, they said
she began laughing. She was also slurring her words and at times
drooling.
Before she was transported to the police station, she told
police that she had a bearded dragon in her bra.
"You have to keep the lizard warm, they're cold blooded. That's
why she carried it in her bra," Cindy Berglund, another witness
to the crash, said.
Berglund added that the driver was mumbling when she got out of
the car. "She couldn't stand up. She couldn't talk," Berglund
said. "She was out of it."
A man who was with her — who police said was also slurring his
words — was found with what appeared to be a semi-automatic
weapon tucked in his waistband. He was subdued after a brief
tussle. He was taken into protective custody.
(Drunk tank) The gun turned out to be an airsoft gun, not a real
firearm.
The bearded dragon was not injured and is now in the possession
of the Taunton animal control officer for feeding until Amy
Rebello-McCarthy gets out of jail. They are harmless and eat
insects, flowers and fruit.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Veronica
Re: Sharpening pictures
Dear Webby
Why can't a picture that has been sharpened (increase
contrast) too much, be restored after saving? I found that
if I sharpen a picture and then save it, it often turns
blotchy, and softening it does not reverse the previous
sharpening. What is the story behind that?
By the way, I use Paint Shop Pro.
Veronica
Dear Veronica
Always keep the file format in PSP or PSD until all editing is
finished, and then finally save a JPG copy. The PSP format
stores a reversible history, JPG doesn't.
When you increase contrast, you throw away mid tones.
Softening creates mid tones by averaging. Those mid tones
are not the same as the original ones.
When you save a picture as a JPG and use compression,
you throw away additional mid tones. You can't get those
back either. That is why it is so important to save an
original in .psp or .psd format.
Quite often, instead of sharpening, all you need is
clarifying. That reduces fuzziness or mist by throwing away
only the lighter mid tones, but leaving the darker ones.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Employee Evaluation
Be sure to read through to the bottom...
1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.
Addendum:
That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the
report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the
odd numbered lines.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Using a Binder Clip for Toothpaste
By joanWZ [70 Posts, 21 Comments]
When pushing toothpaste from the bottom to the top, sometimes we
cannot help it that we'll push the tube in the middle. And one
more thing, if the toothpaste is half empty already, we have to
keep pushing to get out! So what I did was use those binder clip
from my office. Fold the bottom of the toothpaste tube and clip
it with the binder. Easy, yet helpful.
Walking on edge of tower in Toronto
____________________________________________________
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his
father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use
of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him,
"I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study
your bible a little and get your hair cut and we'll talk about
it."
After about a month the boy came back and again asked
his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again
went to the father's study where his father said,
"Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your
grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you
didn't get your hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied,
"You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know,
Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair,
Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair...."
To which his father replied...
"Yes, and nobody lent a car to any of them either!"
___________________________________________________
Soft stone rugs.
Todd's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics
guaranteed to make her look years younger.
After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle"
products, she asked, "Darling, honestly, what age would you say
I am?"
Looking over her carefully, Todd replied, "Judging from your
skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty
five."
"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed.
"Hey, wait a minute!" Todd interrupted, pausing at the door,
ready to sprint fro his life.
"I haven't added them up yet."
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Martin for this story:
A little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one
Sunday afternoon when he came to a crossroads where
he met a little girl coming from the other direction.
Hello," said the little boy.
Hi," replied the little girl.
Where are you going?" asked the little boy.
I've been to church this morning and I'm on my way home,"
answered the little girl.
Me too," replied the little boy. "I'm also on my way home
from church."
Which church do you go to?" asked the little boy.
I go to the Baptist church back down the road," replied the
little girl. What about you?"
I go to the Catholic church back at the top of the hill,"
replied the little boy.
They discover that they are both going the same way so
they decided that they'd walk together. They came to a
low spot in the road where spring rains had partially
flooded the road so there was no way that they could
get across to the other side without getting wet.
"If I get my new Sunday dress wet my Mom's going to skin
me alive," said the little girl.
My Mom'll tan my hide too if I get my new Sunday suit wet,"
replied the little boy.
"I tell you what I think I'll do," said the little girl. "I'm
gonna pull off all my clothes and hold them over my head and
wade across."
"That's a good idea," replied the little boy. "I'm going
to do the same thing with my suit."
So they both undressed and waded across to the other
side without getting their clothes wet. They were standing
there in the sun waiting to drip dry before putting their
clothes back on when the little boy finally remarked,
"You know, I never did realize before just how much
difference there really is between a Baptist and a
Catholic."
Today, on May 19
1535 French explorer Jacques Cartier set sail for North America.
1536 Anne Boleyn, the second wife of England's King Henry VIII,
was beheaded after she was convicted of adultery.
1568 After being defeated by the Protestants, Mary the Queen of
Scots, fled to England where she was imprisoned by Queen
Elizabeth.
1588 The Spanish Armada set sail from Lisbon, bound for England.
1608 The Protestant states formed the Evangelical Union of
Lutherans and Calvinists.
1643 Delegates from four New England colonies met in Boston to
form a confederation.
1643 The French army defeated a Spanish army at Rocroi, France.
1796 The first U.S. game law was approved. The measure called
for penalties for hunting or destroying game within Indian
territory.
1847 The first English-style railroad coach was placed in
service on the Fall River Line in Massachusetts.
1857 The electric fire alarm system was patented by William F.
Channing and Moses G. Farmer.
1864 The Union and Confederate armies launched their last
attacks against each other at Spotsylvania in Virginia.
1911 The first American criminal conviction that was based on
fingerprint evidence occurred in New York City.
1921 The U.S. Congress passed the Emergency Quota Act, which
established national quotas for immigrants.
1926 Benito Mussolini announced that democracy was deceased.
Rome became a fascist state.
1926 In Damascus, Syria, French shells killed 600 people.
1928 The first frog-jumping jubilee held in Calaveras County,
CA.
1935 T.E. Lawrence "Lawrence of Arabia" died from injuries in a
motorcycle crash in England.
1935 The National Football League (NFL) adopted an annual
college draft to begin in 1936.
1958 Canada and the U.S. formally established the North American
Air Defense Command.
1962 Marilyn Monroe performed a sultry rendition of "Happy
Birthday" for U.S. President John F. Kennedy. The event was a
fund-raiser at New York's Madison Square Garden.
1964 The U.S. State Department reported that diplomats had found
about 40 microphones planted in the U.S. Embassy in Moscow.
1967 The Soviet Union ratified a treaty with the United States
and Britain that banned nuclear weapons from outer space.
1974 Erno Rubik invented the puzzle what would later become
known as the Rubik's Cube.
1967 U.S. planes bombed Hanoi for the first time.
1988 In Jacksonville, FL, Carlos Lehder Rivas was convicted of
smuggling more than three tons of cocaine into the United
States. Rivas was the co-founder of Colombia's Medellin drug
cartel.
1992 In Massapequa, NY, Mary Jo Buttafuoco was shot and
seriously wounded by Amy Fisher. Fisher was her husband Joey's
teen-age lover.
1992 The 27th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution went into
effect. The amendment prohibits Congress from giving itself
midterm pay raises.
1998 In Russia, strikes broke out over unpaid wages.
1998 Bandits stole three of Rome's most important paintings from
the National Gallery of Modern Art.
1999 "Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace" was released in
the U.S. It set a new record for opening day sales at 28.5
million.
2000 The bones of the most complete and best-preserved
Tyrannosaurus rex skeleton went on display in Chicago.
2000 Disney released the movie "Dinosaur."
2003 It was announced that Worldcom Inc. would pay investor
$500 million to settle civil fraud charges over its $11 billion
accounting scandal.
2003 Hundreds of Albert Einstein's scientific papers, personal
letters and humanist essays were made available on the Internet.
Einstein had given the papers to the Hebrew Universtiy of
Jerusalem in his will.
2005 "Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith" brought in
50.0 million in its opening day.
2013 The Yahoo board approved the $1.1 billion purchase of the
blogging site Tumblr.
2017 smiled.
Thursday, May 18, 2017, 09:59 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, May 18
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Teen parents are arrested after their 15-day-old
baby is found covered in 100 RAT BITES in her
blood-soaked crib and weighing just five pounds
href="http://webby.com/humor/#Bonehead_Award"> Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 18 in
2014 Russian President Putin signed a bill to absorb Crimea
into the Russian Federation. The US, which had promised to
protect Ukraine in exchange for them giving up thousands of
nuclear war heads, reneged on that promise and did nothing.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a
contest of principles.
--- Ambrose Bierce
Never eat more than you can lift.
--- Miss Piggy
Never confuse movement with action.
--- Ernest Hemingway
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A college dean was berating a veteran economics professor
for having used the same tests for the past 35 years.
"Don't you realize, professor, that the students have been
sharing these tests for decades and that all of your
students know EXACTLY what's on the test before they sit
for it?"
"Doesn't matter," replied the professor. "You must realize
that the subject is economics. The answers are different
each year!"
--------------------
Yeah, I remember that. Economics is the science of
explaining today why the predictions that you made
yesterday won't come true tomorrow.
With extra points for using big or Latin words.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
>From G.G.Amanda
Greg was explaining the facts of life to his teenage
nephew. After covering the basic biology, he moved
on to the finer points of lovemaking. "One thing to
keep in mind is that different women say different things
during the sex act, even if you are doing the same thing."
"What do you mean, Uncle Greg?"
Well, for example, their words will vary according to
their occupation. For example, a prostitute will tend to
say, "Are you done yet?"
On the other hand, a nymphomaniac will ask,
"Are you done already?"
"What do other women say?"
Well, a schoolteacher will say, "We are going to do this
over and over again until you get it right!"
A nurse will say, "This won't hurt one bit."
I thought they said, "Pull down your pants and bend
over."
That's a male nurse. But let's move on, a bank teller will
say, "Substantial penalty for early withdrawal."
A stewardess will say, "Place this over your mouth and nose
and breathe normally."
"And what does Aunty Keli say? "
She says, "Beige ... beige... I think we should paint the
ceiling beige."
______________________________________________________
From Dad
This one bloomed yesterday
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Charles Elliott, 18,
Erica Shyrock, 19
Magnolia,
Arkansas
Teen parents are arrested after their 15-day-old
baby is found covered in 100 RAT BITES in her
blood-soaked crib and weighing just five pounds
A teenage couple from Arkansas have been arrested after
police say their newborn daughter was found covered in
blood and suffering from up to 100 rat bites all over her
body, including a wound on her head through which the
baby’s skull was visible.
Erica Shyrock, 19, and her 18-year-old boyfriend, Charles
Elliott, were taken into police custody in Magnolia on
Sunday and charged with first-degree endangering the
welfare of a minor.
According to a graphic arrest affidavit, the case began
unfolding at around 11.30am Sunday when police were
summoned to Magnolia Regional Medical Center about a baby
that had been bitten by rats.
An emergency room nurse told the responding officers that
the girl was 15 days old and weighed just 5lbs.
An examination has revealed that the infant had 75 to 100
rat bites all over her body, including on her arms,
fingers, hands and face.
The worst injury was an inch-wide gash on the baby's
forehead that was so deep it exposed a portion of her
skull, the affidavit stated, according to a report by
ArkansasMatters.com.
When interviewed by police, Shyrock, who has been dating
Elliott since 2015, recounted how she put her daughter to
sleep at around 5.30am in her bassinet placed next to the
parents’ bed and was awakened by her screams two hours
later.
When the 19-year-old mom looked in the crib, she said she
found her baby girl covered in blood. Elliott, who was
interviewed separately, also told police he saw bloody rat
footprints in the crib.
Both parents said they were aware there their home was
infested with rats but failed to address the problem.
In the course of the investigation, police interviewed
Elliott’s' mother, Regina Barton, who revealed to them that
her son told her the baby had been bitten by a mouse and
that he was afraid to lose custody of her.
Barton said she urged her son to take the injured newborn
to the hospital anyway.
Elliott cleaned up some of the blood, and he and Shyrock
said they waited an additional hour and a half for Barton
to arrive at their home before seeking medical help for
their baby at 9am.
Under questioning, Elliott reiterated to police he was
afraid.
The couple's roommate, Maggie Williams, later gave police
permission to search the residence, where they were able to
recover the crib with the bloody rodent paw prints, a
baby's blood-soaked hat, a baby blanket with blood stains
on it and rodent droppings on a cabinet.
On Monday, Elliott and Shyrock's daughter underwent a
reconstructive surgery to close the gaping wound on her
forehead.
A doctor at Arkansas Children’s Hospital in Little Rock,
where the victim has been transferred for treatment, sent
police a note on Tuesday saying the child suffered severe
skin destruction from rat feeding.
The physician determined the damage would have taken ‘hours
to occur and the baby would have been in distress
(screaming) during that time.’ The doctor suggested that
the parents were ‘either incapacitated or absent to not
have responded to the baby's distress.’
Shyrock and Elliott are both being held at Columbia County
Justice and Detention Facility without a bond.
According to Shyrock’s Facebook page, the teen mom also has
an older daughter whom she had while she was aged 16 or 17.
Nobody knows where that child is.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Noella
Re: Installing DSL in the deep South
Dear Webby
Subject: installing dsl modem & filters
August 11, 2004
Instructions for installing Alltel DSL modem:
1. Insert CD that came with modem and follow directions.
2. Go back and enable DSL in system settings.
3. Start over.
4. Apply DSL filters to all phone jacks. You have four
phones and Alltel sent three filters.
5. Dryer alert goes off. Take clothes out of dryer so they
don't wrinkle.
6. Put in clothes from washer and start dryer.
7. Start new load in washer.
8. Go to basement to check if kids left TV on overnight.
9. Turn off TV and clean kids’ area.
10. Change trash bag and notice water on floor hasn’t
evaporated in last 5 days.
11. Use old blanket to absorb water. Blanket not big
enough.
12. Go get bucket and large sponge and sponge water into
bucket.
13. Empty 1 gallon of water down drain.
14. Come upstairs and fix lunch.
15. Empty dishwasher
16. Eat lunch
17. Load dish washer.
18. Come back to computer room to finish installing DSL.
19. Reconfigure fax machine and telephone lines to correct
configuration to work with DSL.
20. Plug in Ethernet line. Ethernet line won’t go into wall
jack.
21. Watch video.
22. Plug Ethernet line into modem.
23. Plug modem into wall DSL filter, knocking mouse off
desk.
24. Move chair into other room so that you can pull trundle
out from under day bed to look for mouse ball. Mouse ball
not there.
25. Pick up papers from floor. Mouse ball not there.
26. Look in all corners of room. Mouse ball in fourth
corner.
27. Replace mouse ball and click “next.”
28. Realize that you’ve forgotten to plug power cord into
electrical plug on surge protector. Plug in power cord.
29. Realize that plug was too close to shut-off button on
surge protector when computer goes off.
30. Go look for three-way plug to make room for more plugs
in surge protector.
31. Make sure to move trash can from in front of kitchen
drawers so IT doesn’t fall over. Electrical plugs not in
drawer.
32. Check all other drawers in kitchen. Electrical plugs
not in ANY drawer.
33. Remember that the baggie holding electrical plugs are
probably on front porch, left over from installing white
lights above screens on porch.
34. Find electrical plugs in front porch, bring them into
computer room.
35. Plug everything in and turn computer back on.
36. Take out DSL CD and find SCAN CD to find “feature you
are trying to use is on a CD-Rom or to her removable disk
that is not available.”
37. Take SCAN CD out and reinsert DSL CD.
38. Finish DSL set-up.
39. Type report
40. E-mail to friends and family.
Dear Noella!
What a hoot!
Thank you very much for sharing that!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Jenny was married to a male chauvinist. They both worked
full time, but he never did anything around the house and
certainly not any housework. That, he declared, was
woman's work!
But one evening Jenny arrived home from work to find the
children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and
another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully
set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished, and
she immediately wanted to know what was going on.
It turned out that Charley, her husband, had read a
magazine article that suggested working wives would be more
romantically inclined if they weren't so tired from having
to do all the housework, in addition to holding down a
full-time job.
The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her girlfriends at
the office. "How did it work out?" they asked.
"Well, it was a great dinner, Jenny said. "Charley even
cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the
laundry and put everything away."
"I really enjoyed my evening." she went on to say.
"But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know.
It didn't work out," Jenny said. "Charley was too tired."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Tea Bags for Smelly Shoes
By jhenton.102 [5 Posts]
Put used tea bags into smelly shoes. After a few days, they
won`t smell anymore.
Vet and son rescue 10 point buck
____________________________________________________
The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the
altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and
clubs at his side.
She said:" What are your golf clubs doing here"?
He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going
to take all day, is it?"
___________________________________________________
The man who photographs ocean waves.
A woman goes to the local newspaper office to see that the
obituary for her recently deceased husband is published.
The obit editor informs her that there is a charge of 50
cents per word.
She pauses, reflects, and then she says,
"Well then, let it read "Fred Brown died."
Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor tells her that
there is a seven-word minimum for all obituaries.
She thinks it over and in a few seconds says,
"In that case, let it read,
"Fred Brown died: Golf clubs for sale."
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
The "Dirty" joke from the folks from Erie:
Cajun man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until
he passes a little math test.
"Here's your first question, the foreman said. "Without
using numbers, represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" the Cajun says, "Dat is easy." and
proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the boss asks.
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine,"
says the Cajun.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question.
Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Cajun stares into space for awhile, then picks up the
picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each
tree. "Ere you go."
The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you
get that to represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and
dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually
have to hire this Cajun, so he says, "all right, last
question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."
The Cajun stares into space some more, then he picks up
the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of
each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hunnred."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you
think that represents a hundred!"
The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at
the base of each tree and says, "A little dog came along
and crap by each tree.
So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a
turd,
and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hunnred.
So, when I start?!"
Today, on May 18
1302 The weaver Peter de Coningk led a massacre of the
Flemish oligarchs.
1642 Montreal, Canada, was founded.
1643 Queen Anne, the widow of Louis XIII, was granted sole
and absolute power as regent by the Paris parliament,
overriding the late king's will.
1652 In Rhode Island, a law was passed that made slavery
illegal in North America. It was the first law of its kind.
1792 Russian troops invaded Poland.
1802 Great Britain declared war on Napoleon's France.
1804 Napoleon Bonaparte was proclaimed emperor by the
French Senate.
1828 Battle of Las Piedras ended the conflict between
Uruguay and Brazil.
1896 The U.S. Supreme court upheld the "separate but equal"
policy in the Plessy vs. Ferguson decision. The ruling was
overturned 58 years later with Brown vs. Board of
Education.
1917 The U.S. Congress passed the Selective Service act,
which called up soldiers to fight in World War I.
1934 The U.S. Congress approved an act, known as the
"Lindberg Act," that called for the death penalty in
interstate kidnapping cases.
1944 Monte Cassino, Europe's oldest Monastic house, was
finally captured by the Allies in Italy.
1951 The United Nations moved its headquarters to New York
City.
1974 India became the sixth nation to explode an atomic
bomb.
1980 Mt. Saint Helens erupted in Washington state. 57
people were killed and 3 billion $ in damage was done.
1983 The U.S. Senate revised immigration laws and gave
millions of illegal aliens legal status under an amnesty
program.
1994 Israel's three decades of occupation in the Gaza Strip
ended as Israeli troops completed their withdrawal and
Palestinian authorities took over.
1998 The U.S. federal government and 20 states filed a
sweeping antitrust case against Microsoft Corp., saying the
computer software company had a "choke hold" on competitors
which denied consumer choices by controlling 90% of the
software market.
1998 U.S. federal officials arrested more than 130 people
and seized $35 million. This was the end to an
investigation of money laundering being done by a dozen
Mexican banks and two drug-smuggling cartels.
2012 Facebook Inc. held its initial public offering and
began trading on the NASDAQ. The company was valued at $104
billion making it the largest valuation to date for a newly
listed public company.
2014 Russian President Putin signed a bill to absorb Crimea
into the Russian Federation. The US, which had promised to
protect Ukraine in exchange for them giving up thousands of
nuclear war heads, reneged on that promise and did nothing.
2017 smiled.
Wednesday, May 17, 2017, 10:38 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, May 17
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
SC man drove 106 mph with small kids
unbuckled in the car
Details At Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 17 in
1630 Italian Jesuit Niccolo Zucchi saw the belts
on Jupiter's surface.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for
thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers.
The original meal has never been found.
--- Calvin Trillin (1935 - )
Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody
trusts an unidentified source.
--- Ron Nesen
or CNN
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
An e-mail computer virus swept across the globe that
automatically opens pornographic websites on the victim's
screen.
Authorities intend to track down the hackers responsible
for the virus just as soon as somebody complains.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Anni and her family took a tour of England. They joined a
group of tourists on a bus to visit Runnymede, England.
They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot
where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta."
Anni pushing her way to the front of the crowd asks, "When
did that happen?"
"1215," answers the guide.
Anni looked at her watch and said, "Shoot! Just missed it
by a half hour!"
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
James Bradley Deese,
23,
Union,
South Carolina
SC man drove 106 mph with small kids unbuckled
in the car
Deputies say they arrested a Union man who they clocked
driving over 100 mph with two small children unbuckled in
the back seat.
James Bradley Deese, 23, was charged by the Union County
Sheriff’s Office with reckless driving and driving under
suspension. He was also ticketed for having two
unrestrained children in the vehicle.
Deputies say they started following Deese just before 9
p.m. Wednesday on Lockhart Highway. Radar indicated he was
driving 106 mph.
Deese slowed down to 86 mph when deputies turned on blue
lights to pull the small car over. It was during the talk
with Deese that deputies say they noticed two small
children were in the back seat of the car.
They were not restrained or wearing seat belts, according
to the incident report.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Britta P
Re: Phone plus DSL at the same time
Dear Webby
Is it safe to dump my first phone number and just use the
second one that has the DSL on it? Would I get knocked
off the net if somebody calls in or if I call out? How does
that work, in simple terms please!
Thanks
Britta P
Dear Britta
It's perfectly safe to do that.
The phone and the DSL share the wire, but they use
different frequencies. An analogy would be a glass fiber
or rod that passes light through it. A beam of red light
would carry the phone stuff, and a beam of blue light
would carry the Internet stuff. At each end is a crystal
prism that splits the light into the different colors of
the rainbow. The phone only sees the red and reddish
colors, and the DSL modem only sees the blue and bluish
colors.
Neither the phone nor the DSL modem see or are aware
of what goes on in the other device's color band.
Exactly the same happens with your phone cable.
Neither the phone nor the DSL modem see or are aware
of what goes on in the other device's frequency band.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
"The answer to this last question will determine whether
you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Tea Bags for Smelly Shoes
By jhenton.102 [5 Posts]
If you ever have a pair of shoes that don't smell very good
then I have an easy solution for you! Just take some tea
bags and place them in your shoes while not in use, in a
day or two your shoes won't have any bad smell!
Vet and son rescue 10 point buck
____________________________________________________
When Little Johnny's family moved into their new house, a
visiting relative asked him how he liked the new place.
"It's great!" he said. "I have my own room, Billy has his
own room, and Jenny has her own room. But poor Dad is
still stuck with Mom."
___________________________________________________
The man who photographs ocean waves.
Magdalena spent some months serving God in Kenya.
On her final visit to a remote township Magdalena attended
a medical clinic. As the Maasai women there began to sing
together, Magdalena was deeply moved by their hauntingly
beautiful harmonies and wanted to always remember this
moment and recorded it to share it with friends after
getting home.
With tears flowing down the cheeks, Magdalena turned
to a local and asked, "Can you please tell me the
translation of the words to this song?"
The local looked at Magdalena and solemnly replied,
"If you boil the water, you won't get the shits."
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
After a hardy Arkansas rainstorm filled all the potholes
in the back alley, a young mother watched her two little
boys playing in a water puddle through her kitchen window.
The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his
sibling by the back of the head and shoved his face into
the water hole.
As the younger boy recovered and stood laughing and
dripping, the mother ran to the back yard in a panic."Why
on Earth did you do that to your little brother?"she
inquired as she shook the older boy in anger.
"We were just playing 'church,' Mommy" He said. "I was
baptizing him like the preacher did in church last Sunday.
I said, "I now baptize you in the name of the father, the
son, and in-the-hole-he-goes!"
Today, on May 17
1540 Afghan chief Sher Khan defeated Mongul Emperor Humayun
at Kanauj.
1630 Italian Jesuit Niccolo Zucchi saw the belts on
Jupiter's surface.
1681 Louis XIV sent an expedition to aid James II in
Ireland. As a result, England declares war on France.
1756 Britain declared war on France, beginning the French
and Indian War.
1792 The New York Stock Exchange was founded at 70 Wall
Street by 24 brokers.
1814 Denmark ceded Norway to Sweden. Norway's constitution,
which provided a limited monarchy, was signed.
1875 The first Kentucky Derby was run at Louisville, KY.
1877 The first telephone switchboard burglar alarm was
installed by Edwin T. Holmes.
1926 The U.S. Embassy in Buenos Aires was damaged by bombs
that were believed set by sympathizers of Sacco and
Vanzetti.
1932 The U.S. Congress changed the name "Porto Rico" to
"Puerto Rico."
1939 The first fashion to be shown on television was
broadcast in New York from the Ritz-Carleton Hotel.
1940 Germany occupied Brussels, Belgium and began the
invasion of France.
1946 U.S. President Truman seized control of the nation's
railroads, delaying a threatened strike by engineers and
trainmen.
1948 The Soviet Union recognized the new state of Israel.
1954 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled for school
integration in Brown vs. Board of Education of Topeka. The
ruling declared that racially segregated schools were
inherently unequal.
1956 The first synthetic mica (synthamica) was offered for
sale in Caldwell Township, NJ.
1975 NBC TV bought the rights to show "Gone With the Wind."
The one time rights cost NBC $5,000,000.
1980 Rioting erupted in Miami's Liberty City neighborhood
after an all-white jury in Tampa acquitted four former
Miami police officers of fatally beating black insurance
executive Arthur McDuffie. Eight people were killed in the
rioting.
1985 Bobby Ewing died on the season finale of "Dallas" on
CBS-TV. He returned the following season.
1987 An Iraqi warplane attacked the U.S. Navy frigate Stark
in the Persian Gulf, killing 37 American sailors. Iraq and
the United States called the attack a mistake.
1996 U.S. President Clinton signed a measure requiring
neighborhood notification when sex offenders move in.
Megan's Law was named for 7-year-old Megan Kanka, who was
raped and killed in 1994.
1997 Rebel leader Kabila declared himself president of the
Democratic Republic of the Congo, formerly Zaire.
1999 Eric Ford, a tabloid photographer, was sentenced to 6
months at a halfway house, 3 years probation and 150 hours
of community service. The sentence stemmed from a charge
that Ford had eavesdropped on a call between Tom Cruise and
Nicole Kidman and then sold a recording of the
conversation.
2000 Austria, the U.S. and six other countries agreed on
the broad outline of a plan that would compensate Nazi-Era
forced labor.
2002 Legoland Deutschland opened in Günzburg, Germany.
2006 The U.S. aircraft carrier Oriskany was sunk about 24
miles off Pensacola Beach. It was the first vessel sunk
under a Navy program to dispose of old warships by turning
them into diving attractions. It was the largest man-made
reef at the time of the sinking.
2007 Trains crossed the border dividing North and South
Korea for the first time since 1953.
2017 smiled.
Tuesday, May 16, 2017, 11:31 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, May 16
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman steals $300 cash from yard sale
half mile from where she lives, gives the finger,
drives off.
Details At Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 16 in
1770 Marie Antoinette, at age 14, married the future King
Louis XVI of France, who was 15. She was the last queen of
France, guillotined in the French Revolution 18 years
later.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Any event, once it has occurred, can be made to appear
inevitable by a competent historian.
--- Lee Simonson
Devotees of grammatical studies have not been distinguished
for any very remarkable felicities of expression.
--- Amos Bronson Alcott (1799 - 1888)
The more things a man is ashamed of,
the more respectable he is.
--- George Bernard Shaw
Would you be more content with six million dollars or six
children? Six children, certainly. Because a man with six
million dollars will always want more.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Little Johnny was rough housing with his dog. His mother
said to him, "Now, Johnny, I know you love Wilbur, but
you're loving him too much. How would you feel if someone
really huge picked you up and squeezed you so hard you
couldn't breathe?"
Little Johnny thought a moment and then said, "I guess I'd
feel like it was my birthday and Aunt Agnes was here!"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
>From Walter, the Stonecarver at http://stonecarver.com
The French government announced yesterday that it has
raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide.
The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and
Collaborate.
The raising of the alert level was precipitated by a recent
fire which destroyed France's white flag factory,
effectively paralyzing their military.
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Susan Weitzel,
68,
Ocala,
Florida
Florida woman steals $300 cash from yard sale
half mile from where she lives, gives the finger,
drives off.
A Florida woman accused of stealing from a yard sale gave
her victims a middle-finger salute as they attempted to
chase her down.
According to WKMG, Susan Weitzel, 68, of Ocala, went to a
yard sale hosted by two sisters and their mother inside The
Villages on Saturday.
Weitzel asked a woman who was watching a cash box filled
with $300 to get a bag because she wanted to buy a china
bowl. As the woman left her post, Weitzel opened the cash
box and placed the money in her pockets, according to WKMG.
When confronted by a witness, Weitzel took off toward her
white Ford F-150 and got in. One of the victims reached the
truck before it left, and tried to open the door, but it
was locked. Weitzel gave the woman the middle finger before
driving off, WKMG reported.
Authorities later found Weitzel at her home, only a half-
mile from the yard sale. Police say she tried to escape
through her back door to avoid arrest.
She was arrested and charged with grand theft and resisting
an officer without violence.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: John
Re: Open multiple folders
Dear Webby
Is it possible in Windows 7 home to view the contents of
multiple folders in one window? I am converting the format
of music files which are organized into folders and it
would be helpful to view all of the music files at once.
Thanks,
John
Dear John
Just open multiple file Explorer windows.
For example one to show the Music folder on the C: drive,
one to show the MP3 folder on the E: drive, one to show the
MiscMusic folder on the CD and one to show the Music
folder on the USB hard drive.
Then you can drag stuff back and forth or into a staging
folder for assembling a DVD.
If you want to view ALL files of a type, for example MP3,
on all drives, do a SEARCH and look for *.mp3 , all drives.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Mark, took his beat-up pickup truck to the insurance
agent for a pre-insurance inspection, the teen-age
receptionist was sent to look over the truck. Armed with a
checklist and a few simple questions, she breezed through
the chore. When she asked, "What are the age and make
of the vehicle?"
Mark replied, "It's a '65 Ford." Apologetic about its des-
perate condition, he added, "It's an old fossil." Inside,
the office assistant entered the data into her computer and
frowned. "Is there a problem?" asked Mark.
"Mr. Evans, I've been in insurance a while," she explained,
"but I've never heard of a Ford Fossil."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Paper Plate Cookie Gift Basket
By ShirleyE [169 Posts, 106 Comments]
Who doesn't like cookies? And homemade cookies are the
best. Here is a simple and super cool way to present your
homemade cookies as a gift. Who wouldn't be delighted to
receive them?
Paper Plate Cookie Gift Basket - cookie gift pack
Supplies:
1 paper plate
marker pen
glue
string or ribbon
4 large hole beads
ruler
pair of scissors
decorations, such as stickers
tissue paper
cellophane
Steps:
Draw a rectangle in the middle of the plate.
extend the two long sides to the edge of the plate
Cut along these extensions.
Fold the ends in and crease.
Fold along the long edges and crease.
crease along the fold
apply glue
Turn up the short sides first and then the long sides. Bend
the points around and hold them together until the glue
sets. If your glue is slow drying use a peg (clothespin) to
hold them in place.
turn up short sides and then long sides hold until glue
sets
decorate with ribbon or string
add beads to ends
add stickers or other decorations
Line the basket with tissue paper.
line with tissue paper
Wrap your cookies in cellophane before displaying them in
the basket.
____________________________________________________
A man returned from Africa feeling very ill. He went
to see his doctor, and the doctor has him immediately
rushed to the hospital, to undergo a range of tests.
The man woke up after the tests in a private room at the
hospital, and the phone by his bed was ringing.
"This is your doctor. We've had the results back from your
tests and we've found you have an extremely nasty virus,
which is extremely contagious!"
"Oh my gosh," cried the man, "What are you going to do,
doctor?"
"Well we're going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes,
and pita bread."
"Will that cure me?" asked the man.
The doctor replied, "Well no, but ... it's the only food we
can get under the door."
___________________________________________________
Ink in motion.
Tech Support:
"How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"
Customer:
"Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and
she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
"Doctor, I'd like you to evaluate my 13 year-old son."
"OK: He's suffering from a transient psychosis with an
intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical
mood swings, but his prognosis is good for full recovery."
"How can you say all that without even meeting him?"
"I thought you said he's 13?"
Today, on May 16
1770 Marie Antoinette, at age 14, married the future King
Louis XVI of France, who was 15.
1866 The U.S. Congress authorized the first 5-cent piece to
be minted.
1868 U.S. President Andrew Johnson was acquitted during the
Senate impeachment, by one vote.
1879 The Treaty of Gandamak between Russia and England set
up the Afghan state. It has been at war ever since.
1881 In Germany, the first electric tram for the public
started service.
1888 The first demonstration of recording on a flat disc
was demonstrated by Emile Berliner.
1920 Joan of Arc was canonized in Rome.
1946 "Annie Get Your Gun" opened on Broadway.
1946 Jack Mullin showed the world the first magnetic tape
recorder.
1960 A Big Four summit in Paris collapsed due to the
American U-2 spy plane incident.
1960 Theodore Maiman, at Hughes Research Laboratory in
California, demonstrated the first working laser.
1963 After 22 Earth orbits Gordon Cooper returned to Earth,
ending Project Mercury.
1965 Spaghetti-O's were sold for the first time.
1969 Venus 5, a Russian spacecraft, landed on the planet
Venus.
1975 Japanese climber Junko Tabei became the first woman to
reach the summit of Mount Everest.
1977 Five people were killed when a New York Airways
helicopter, idling on top of the Pan Am Building in
Manhattan, toppled over, sending a huge rotor blade flying.
1987 The Bobro 400 set sail from New York Harbor with 3,200
tons of garbage. The barge travelled 6,000 miles in search
of a place to dump its load. It returned to New York Harbor
after 8 weeks with the same load.
1988 A report released by Surgeon General C. Everett Koop
declared that nicotine was addictive in similar was as
heroin and cocaine. No kidding, Bubba?
1988 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police do not have
to have a search warrant to search discarded garbage.
1991 Queen Elizabeth II became the first British monarch to
address the U.S. Congress.
1992 The Endeavour space shuttle landed safely after its
maiden voyage.
1996 Admiral Jeremy "Mike" Boorda, the nation's top Navy
officer, died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound after
some of his military awards were called into question.
1997 In Zaire, President Mobutu Sese Seko gave control of
the country to rebel forces ending 32 years of autocratic
rule.
2000 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was nominated
to run for U.S. Senator in New York. She was the first U.S.
first lady to run for public office. It was a no-contest
campaign designed to appease her after the Lewisnsky
scandal.
2005 Sony Corp. unveiled three styles of its new
PlayStation 3 video game machine.
2017 smiled.
Thanks for voting for me!
Those who matter don't judge me.
Those who judge me don't matter.
Those, who click me some grocery money,
REALLY matter.
____________________________________________________
1
A man picks up a young woman in a bar and convinces her to
come back to his hotel. When they are relaxing afterwards,
he asks, "Am I the first man you ever made love to?"
She looks at him thoughtfully for a second before replying.
"You might be," she says. "Your face does look familiar."
_____________________________________________________
2
An old woman was taken to a gynecologist for the very first
time. The doctor was very thorough in his examination, and
of course the old woman was quite embarrassed. Finally, the
exam was over and the doctor told her to get dressed and
come in to his office to talk about his findings.
The old woman listened intently as the doctor gave her the
results. She then said she really only had one question for
him.
The doctor said, What is the question you have?
Tell me young man, does your mother know how you make a
living?
_____________________________________________________
3
While working as a volunteer at our local Boy Scout Council
office, one of the professional staff -- who was wearing
street clothes instead of her usual uniform -- was talking
about the NATO phonetic alphabet.
She said that she had learned it some years ago and
proceeded to recite it. "Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta..."
But, when she got to the letter "U," she stumbled and
asked for help.
I offered a hint: "What AREN'T you wearing today?"
"Underwear?" she replied.
____________________________________________________
4
Several years ago the United States funded a study to
determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than
the shaft.
The study took two years and cost over $180,000. The
results of the study concluded that the reason the head
of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide
the man with more pleasure during sex.
After the results were published, Germany decided to
conduct their own study on the same subject. They were
convinced that the results of the US study were incorrect.
After three years of research and costs in excess of
$250,000, they concluded that the head of a man's penis
is larger than the shaft to provide the women with more
pleasure during sex.
When the results of the German study were released,
Australia decided to conduct their own study. The Aussies
didn't trust the US or German studies. So after nearly
three weeks of intensive research, several thousand
volunteers and a cost of around $75, the Aussie study
reached the final conclusion that the reason the head on
a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent his
hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.
_____________________________________________________
5
A fight broke out between a couple of redneck locals and a
lone biker at closing time in the local watering hole.
After easily laying out the drunken hillbillies, the biker
heard someone behind him!
So he swung around and landed a devastating kick to the
groin, realizing too late that it was only the barmaid
picking up empty glasses.
When the case went to court, the judge asked, "Are you the
woman alleging she was kicked in the altercation?"
She answered, "I ain't never had no altercation! These is
all my 'riginal parts."
_____________________________________________________
6
Now that they are retired, my mother and father are
discussing all aspects of their future. "What will you do
if I die before you do?"
Dad asked Mom. After some thought, she said that she'd
probably look for a house sharing situation with three
other single or widowed women who might be a little younger
than herself, since she is so active for her age. Then Mom
asked Dad, "What will you do if I die first?"
He replied, "Probably the same thing."
=====================================================
Enjoy!
(¯`v´¯)
Ophelia
If you like my work, Please donate a dollar,
or two, if you can afford it!
Please, help me stay online!
Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, May 15
Hi Daniel,
For The Thirtty-Fifth Time,
You Forget That You Are Still A Yahoo.
Att.Net Is Just A Mask For Yahoos,
Who Are Ashamed Of Being Yahoos.
There Is Nothing I Can Do About Your Subscription,
After It Has Entered The Yahoo Server.
It Is Up To You To Either
A) Stop The Blocking, Or
B) Get A Reliable Address On The Side.
You Can Continue Using Att.Net / Yahoo For
Cybersex And Baseball Card Trading,
You Just Need A Respectable Address On The Side
For Stuff, That You Or Yahoo Are Blocking.
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
New Jersey Man High On Pcp Busted After He
Stops Car In The Middle Of The Lincoln Tunnel
To Masturbate
Details At Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 15 in
1602 - Cape Cod was discovered by Bartholomew Gosnold.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.
--- Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC)
You can fool too many of the people too much of the time.
--- James Thurber
I think AOL is built on that concept
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Euro-Heaven is where the police are British,
the cooks are French, the mechanics German, the lovers
Italian, and every detail is coordinated by the Swiss.
Euro-Hell is where the chefs are British, the mechanics
French, the lovers Swiss, the police German, and it's
organized by the Italians.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Baking Cookies With Your Cat
1. Look in cookbook for cookie recipe.
2. Get cup of coffee.
3. Get cat off of cookbook.
4. Find that special recipe.
5. Get cat's nose out of coffee mug.
6. Go to fridge and get eggs.
7. Get dry ingredients from cupboard.
8. Break eggs in small bowl.
9. Sift dry ingredients in large bowl.
10. Answer the phone.
11. Cat ate eggs; get more from fridge.
12. Get cat out of flour bowl and dust cat off.
13. Get Band-Aids for scratches on hands.
14. Throw flour out and get more.
15. Preheat oven for cookies.
16. Glare at cat with desire to bake cat now.
17. Watch cat run for cover into bathroom.
18. Flour the counter to roll out cookie dough.
19. Run to bathroom to investigate loud crashing sound.
20. Cat has toilet paper all over floor and your personal
bathroom things knocked over on top of the counter.
21. Yell at cat. Cat falls in toilet bowl.
22. Take cat out of toilet to dry cat off.
23. Get bandages to cover more scratches on arms and legs.
24. Clean up bathroom.
25. Run to kitchen to see what cat is doing now.
26. Get wet cat off floured counter in kitchen.
27. Try to pick cat hairs out of flour.
28. Step on cat's tail and get bitten.
29. Get coat, car keys, and go to store to buy cookies.
30. Casually fling cat onto the roof of a passing Winnebago
31. Act surprised when you find that the cat has made it
home before you.
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Ismael Esquilin,
48,
Passaic,
N.J.,
New Jersey man high on PCP busted after he
stops car in the middle of the Lincoln Tunnel
to masturbate
The Lincoln Tunnel became the tunnel of self-love when a
man high on PCP blocked traffic with his minivan to take
time to pleasure himself, authorities said.
Port Authority cops busted Ismael Esquilin, 48, of Passaic,
N.J., about 7:15 p.m. Thursday when his Dodge minivan was
found stopped in the middle of the New Jersey-bound side of
the Hudson River tunnel, holding up traffic.
When cops approached the car, they found Esquilin removing
his clothes and “performing a lewd act,” Port Authority
spokesman Joe Pentangelo said.
The idling minivan was running and the keys were in the
ignition.
Cops also found a glass pipe and small glass bottles
containing PCP on the passenger seat floor.
After cops covered Esquilin with a blanket, the man
admitted that he had smoked PCP — but refused to take a
Breathalyzer test, authorities said.
Police took Esquilin to New Jersey, where he was charged
with drug possession, driving under the influence of drugs,
reckless driving and impeding traffic, officials said.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Barbara
Re: Too many unknown programs running
Dear Webby
I have Microsoft Windows 7 home edition and have
"suddenly developed" a problem -- under Windows Task
Manager, Processes, it shows 40 are running, all but a
couple are exe files but I am unable to identify what they
are. Have been trying to defrag but each time I bring
it up, I get a message saying there is insufficient room on
my puter to do so. It seems to me the reason there isn't
enough room is due to all those programs running
at the same time. How do I stop them without causing a
problem or losing them - they may be things I will want or
need.
Barbara
Dear Barbara
TaskManager shows how much RAM those programs use.
Install Spybot-Search&Destroy from the right side menu.
That will get rid of the spyware.
Then run it in Advanced mode and analyze the start up.
It will let you disable all the programs that are safe to
disable.
However, all of that does not give you disk space. That
just gives you more available RAM.
To get more free disk space you will just have to get rid
of files.
Use Everything from http://www.voidtools.com/
it is free. With that you can list ALL the pictures.
Chances are that you have a lot of unnecessary pictures,
like the silly stuff from Incredimail.
Sort by size, and get rid of that crap.
The same goes for the other end of the scale. There are
probably all kinds of excessively huge pictures sent to you
ages ago. Dump them.
Then look at program files. You can use Everything to show
just programs. There are probably a bunch that you only
vaguely remember, but that you have not used for ages.
Check their location, then go to that lokation, look for an
UNinstall file, and UNinstall them. Quite often, but not
always, that gets rid of all their auxiliary files. You
might still have to manually clean up a bit, but most
should be gone after UNinstalling.
In an evening of cleaning up you should be able to make
enough room that the Defrag from Glary Utilities will run.
If there is stuff that you dont really want to dump, but
wont be using for some time, then move it onto an 8 or 16
GB camera chip.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory
test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times
three?"
"274," came the reply.
The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling,
and says to the second man, "It's your turn.
What is three times three?"
"Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor shakes
his head sadly, then asks the third man, "Okay, your
turn. What's three times three?"
"Nine," says the third man.
"That's great!" says the doctor.
"How did you get that?"
"Simple," he says, "just subtract 274 from Tuesday."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Preventing and Killing Weeds Between Bricks
Vinegar can kill weeds and grass when poured full strength
in cement driveways or brick walkways.
By imaqt1962
Mountain biking - extreme
____________________________________________________
If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your
troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful
for it,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give
you time,
If you can overlook people taking things out on you when,
if through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax at any given moment,
If you can always sleep without the aid of drugs,
Then,........
You are probably the family dog.
___________________________________________________
A stained glass cabin in the woods.
Chandler wasn't too happy with his doctor's
recommendation to cure his constant fatigue.
"You want me to give up sex completely, Doc?" he cried.
"I'm a young guy. I'm in the prime of my life. How do
you expect me to give up sex and go cold turkey?"
"Well," replied the doctor, "you could get married
and taper off gradually."
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
From Lynn
My son's friend was spending the night,
both are a 11 years old. I guess the classics
are not big at his friend's house. While I was
talking about some classic movies, I asked
Andy if he ever saw "Gone With The Wind."
He said "No, but saw "Gone in 60 Seconds."
Today, on May 15
1602 - Cape Cod was discovered by Bartholomew Gosnold.
1614 An aristocratic uprising in France ended with the
treaty of St.Menehould.
1618 Johannes Kepler discovered his harmonics law.
1702 The War of Spanish Succession began.
1768 Under the Treaty of Versailles, France purchased
Corsica from Genoa just in time before Napoleon was born.
1795 Napoleon entered the Lombardian capital of Milan.
1849 Neapolitan troops entered Palermo, and were in
possession of Sicily.
1911 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the dissolution of
Standard Oil Company, ruling it was in violation of the
Sherman Antitrust Act.
1916 U.S. Marines landed in Santo Domingo to quell civil
disorder.
1918 Regular airmail service between New York City,
Philadelphia and Washington, DC, began under the direction
of the Post Office Department, which later became the U.S.
Postal Service.
1926 Roald Amundsen and Lincoln Ellsworth were forced down
in Alaska after a four-day flight over an icecap. Ice had
begun to form on the dirigible Norge.
1926 The New York Rangers were officially granted a
franchise in the NHL. The NHL also announced that Chicago
and Detroit would be joining the league in November.
1930 Ellen Church became the first female flight attendant.
1940 Nylon stockings went on sale for the first time in the
U.S.
1942 Gasoline rationing began in the U.S. The limit was 3
gallons a week for nonessential vehicles.
1948 Israel was attacked by Transjordan, Egypt, Syria, Iraq
and Lebanon only hours after declaring its independence.
1951 AT&T became the first corporation to have one million
stockholders.
1957 Britain dropped its first hydrogen bomb on Christmas
Island in the Pacific Ocean.
1958 Sputnik III, the first space laboratory, was launched
in the Soviet Union.
1963 The last Project Mercury space flight was launched.
1964 The Smothers Brothers, Dick and Tom, gave their first
concert in Carnegie Hall in New York City.
1970 U.S. President Nixon appointed America's first two
female generals.
1972 Alabama Gov. George C. Wallace was shot by Arthur
Bremer in Laurel, MD while campaigning for the U.S.
presidency. Wallace was paralyzed by the shot.
1975 The merchant ship U.S. Mayaguez was recaptured from
Cambodia's Khmer Rouge.
1980 The first transcontinental balloon crossing of the
United States took place.
1983 In Boston,MA, the Madison Hotel was destroyed by
implosion.
1988 The Soviet Union began their withdrawal of its 115,000
troops from Afghanistan. Soviet forces had been there for
more than eight years.
1990 Vincent Van Gogh's "Portrait of Doctor Gachet" was
sold for $82.5 million. The sale set a new world record.
1997 The Space shuttle Atlantis blasted off on a mission to
deliver urgently needed repair equipment and a fresh
American astronaut to Russia's orbiting Mir station.
2014 The National September 11 Memorial Museum was
dedicated in New York City.
2017 smiled.
Sunday, May 14, 2017, 10:32 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, May 14
Thank you William!
Happy Mothers Day!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
North Carolina school district recalls yearbooks
over president's quote.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 14 in
1264 King Henry III was captured by his brother in
law Simon deMontfort at the Battle of Lewes in France.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have
to alter it every six months.
--- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
When we ask for advice,
we are usually looking for an accomplice.
--- Marquis de la Grange
Most people don't want advice.
They want agreement with their preconceived notions.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Roland for this story:
A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted
speed limit. He asks the man his name.
"Fred," he replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred," the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give
the fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of
a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost
it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands
but plays along with it. "Tell me, Fred, how did you lose
your last name?"
The man replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me."
"I was born Fred Dingaling. I know -- a funny last name.
The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to
myself, studied hard, and got good grades. When I got older
I realized that I wanted to be a doctor.
I went through college, medical school, internship,
residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred
Dingaling, MD.
"After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to
go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way
through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred
Dingaling, MD, DDS.
"Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around
with my assistant and she gave me VD. So now I was Fred
Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my
DDS. Then I was Fred Dingaling, MD with VD. Then the AMA
found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the
VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling
with VD. Then the VD took away my Dingaling,
so now I am Just Fred."
The officer walked away in tears, laughing.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Dianne for bringing back this classic. It used to
be very popular when part of Hongkong moved to BC and
turned Vancouver into Hongkoofa.
I had a bunch of US dollars I needed to exchange so I
went to the currency exchange window at the local bank.
Short line......just one guy in front of me....
He was an Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for
dollars and he was a little agitated....he asked the
teller.... "Why it change?
"Yesterday I get two hunat dolla fo yen - today I get
hunat eighty?"
The teller says, "Fluctuations."
The Asian guy screamed, "Fluc you white guys too!"
______________________________________________________
Yunnan in China
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Tonya Waddell,
Richmond Early College High School
Hamlet,
North Carolina
North Carolina school district recalls yearbooks
over president's quote
A North Carolina high school recalled its yearbooks after
the hysterically fanatic Hillarite principal Tonya Waddell
saw a senior's quote which read
"Build that wall" President Donald Trump
The hysterical Hillarite objected to seeing a quote by the
elected president and recalled the year books.
Only quotes by Hillary are allowed.
They will use taxpayer money to refund for all the books.
The school district said on Facebook Tuesday. "The
principal immediately collected the distributed yearbooks."
Free speech is definitely NOT allowed.
And they bitch about North Korea!
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Anna
Re: RansomWare
Dear Webby
What's the real story about all this WanaCrypt0r, that the
media can't stop blathering about?
I got W7, updated, and MalwareBytes PRO lifetime as you
suggested years ago.
I also have MailWasher, just for my private enjoyment.
Sure is fun to see how it makes the spam fly to hell,
UNREAD, just showing in the pie chart.
Do I have to worry about that Ransomware?
Keep up the good work!
Anna
Dear Anna
No, you don't have to worry about it.
MalwareBytes PRO protects you. The free version apparently
might not protect against it, but you are covered.
Having Windows updated is also quite necessary these days.
Don't worry, they finished with messing with the user
interface in W7 and are just doing security fixes nowadays.
Anybody, who signed up for the free 2019 update deal for
industrial / commercial XP users when I wrote about it 3-4
years ago, is also covered. Those, who were too lazy or not
smart enough, like the British National Health Servive or
some European car manufacturing plants, well, they are up
shit creek without a paddle now.
With a virus, that spreads laterally across networks, not
point to point, the unprotected British National Health
Service was a high speed conveyor belt going in all
directions.
I imagine somebody might get frowned at.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree
above a river, his axe fell into the river. The river was
deep and swift; he could not retrieve his axe, and he was
too poor to buy a new one. Knowing that he was doomed to
poverty and starvation, he began to weep.
As he sobbed, God appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"
The woodcutter told Him about his lost axe. God went down
into the water and reappeared with a wonderful golden axe.
"Is this your axe?" God asked. The woodcutter said, "No."
God again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is
this your axe?" God asked.
The woodcutter said, "No."
God went down again and came up with the woodcutter's old
iron axe. "Is this your axe?" God asked.
The woodcutter said, "Yes."
God was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all the
three axes. The woodcutter went home happily.
One day the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the
riverbank and his wife fell into the river and was swept
away. When he began crying, God appeared and asked him,
"Why are you crying?"
"My wife has fallen into water."
God went down into the water and came up with Jennifer
Lopez.
"Is this your wife?" God asked.
"Yes," the woodcutter said.
God was furious. "Once you were an honest man - but now you
have become a liar and a cheat!!"
The man quickly said, "Forgive me, my Lord. It is a
misunderstanding. If I say 'No' to Jennifer Lopez, you will
come up with Catherine Zeta Jones. If I also say 'No' to
her, you will finally come up with my wife, and I will say
'Yes.' Then you will give all the three to me! I am a poor
man. I will not be able to look after all the three. So,
that's why I had to say 'Yes!' "
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Peeling Hard Boiled Eggs
By Jean Genie [59 Posts, 857 Comments]
I just cut a piece of shell, then insert the spoon and
essentially 'spoon' the egg. By which I mean that I make
the spoon come between the egg and the shell. In this way,
the shell effortlessly separates from the cooked white.
Even if it decides to splinter and stick, the act of making
the spoon scrape against the shell makes the problem
entirely disappear.
I actually do something similar with avocados. I think they
gave me the idea.
Source: My own experience
fox steals golf ball
____________________________________________________
A priest and pastor from the local churches are standing
by the side of the road pounding a sign into the ground
that reads:
"The End Is Near!
Turn yourself around now before it's too late!"
"Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled a driver as he
sped by. From around the curve they heard screeching tires
and a big splash.
The pastor turns to the priest and asks, "Do you think the
sign should maybe just say 'Bridge Out'?"
___________________________________________________
Game of Thrones sculptures carved onto the tips of pencils.
"Information. Can I help you?"
"I'd like the number of the Theater Guild, please."
"One moment, please."
Pause.
"I'm sorry sir, I have no listing for a Theodore Guilt."
"No, no. It isn't a person. It's an organization.
It's Theater Guild."
"I told you, sir. I have no listing for a Theodore Guilt."
"Not *Theodore*!
*Theater*! The word is *theater*. T-H-E-A-T-E-R!"
"That, *sir*, is NOT the way we spell Theodore."
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
"Doc," said the young man lying down on the couch,
"You've got to help me!
Every night I have the same horrible dream.
I'm lying in bed when all of a sudden five women rush
in and start tearing off my clothes."
The psychiatrist nodded, "And what do you do?"
"I push them away!"
"I see. And what can I do to help you with this?"
The patient implored, "Please, please,... Break my arms!"
Today, on May 14
1264 King Henry III was captured by his brother in law
Simon deMontfort at the Battle of Lewes in France.
1509 In the Battle of Agnadello, French defeated Venitians
in Northern Italy.
1607 An expedition led by Captain Christopher Newport went
ashore at Jamestown, Virginia. The group had arrived at the
location the day before. This became the first permanent
English colony in America.
1610 French King Henri IV (Henri de Navarre) was
assassinated by a fanatical monk, François Ravillac.
1643 Louis XIV became King of France at age 4 upon the
death of his father, Louis XIII.
1787 Delegates began gathering in Philadelphia for a
convention to draw up the U.S. Constitution.
1796 The first smallpox vaccination was given by Edward
Jenner.
1804 William Clark set off the famous expedition from Camp
Dubois. A few days later, in St. Louis, Meriwether Lewis
joined the group. The group was known as the "Corps of
Discovery."
1811 Paraguay gained independence from Spain.
1853 Gail Borden applied for a patent for condensed milk.
1862 The chronograph was patented by Adolphe Nicole.
1878 The name Vaseline was registered by Robert A.
Chesebrough.
1879 Thomas Edison incorporated the Edison Telephone
Company of Europe.
1897 Guglielmo Marconi made the first communication by
wireless telegraph.
1913 The Rockefeller Foundation was created by John D.
Rockefeller with a gift of $100,000,000.
1935 The Philippines ratified an independence agreement.
1940 The Netherlands surrendered to Nazi Germany.
1942 The Women's Auxiliary Army Corps (WAAC) was
established by an act of the U.S. Congress.
1942 The British, while retreating from Burma, reached
India.
1948 Prime Minister David Ben-Gurion proclaimed the
independent State of Israel as British rule in Palestine
came to an end.
1955 The Warsaw Pact, an Eastern European mutual-defense
treaty, was signed in Poland by eight communist bloc
countries including the Soviet Union.
1961 A bus carrying Freedom Riders was bombed and burned in
Alabama.
1973 Skylab One was launched into orbit around Earth as the
first U.S. manned space station.
1975 U.S. forces raided the Cambodian island of Koh Tang
and recaptured the American merchant ship Mayaguez. All 40
crew members were released safely by Cambodia. About 40
U.S. servicemen were killed in the military operation.
1985 Ray Kroc's first McDonald's restaurant became the
first fast-food business museum. It is located in Des
Plaines, Illinois.
1988 In the Andean village of Cayara, Peru's military was
involved in a massacre of at least 26 peasants.
1992 Former Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev addressed
members of the U.S. Congress, appealing to them to pass a
bill to aid the people of the former Soviet Union.
1996 A tornado hit 80 villages in nothern Bangladesh. More
than 440 people were killed.
1999 North Korea returned the remains of six U.S. soldiers
that had been killed during the Korean War.
2017 smiled.
Saturday, May 13, 2017, 09:20 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, May 13
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida Democrat congresswoman stole $800,000
from charity – spenit it on luxury trips, convicted
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 13 in
1861 - Britain declared its neutrality in the
American Civil War.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Television – a medium. So called because it is neither
rare nor well done.
--- Ernie Kovacs
Charm is a way of getting the answer yes
without asking a clear question.
--- Albert Camus
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Mary announced that she was going to start a diet to
lose some pounds she had put on recently.
"Great," Sue exclaimed. "I'm ready to start a diet too.
We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. And
when I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and
fries, I'll call you first."
"Wonderful," Mary replied. "I'll go with you."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
My aunt's neighbor in New York had a beautiful black cat,
named Felix, who spent his days outside and came indoors at
night. One cool October evening, he disappeared. The
neighbor searched for him in vain for several days. The
following spring,, however, Felix reappeared, looking
healthy and clean. She figured he's been out sowing his
wild oats.
Everything was back to normal until that fall, when Felix
disappeared again. The next spring, he returned. Perplexed,
my aunt's friend began asking neighbors for clues. Finally,
she rang the bell of an older couple who lived down the
street. "A black cat?" the woman said. "Oh, yes! My husband
and I hated to see him out in the cold, so we bought a
cat carrier. We take him to Florida with us every winter."
______________________________________________________
Volcano in Iceland
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Corrine Brown
Florida
Florida Democrat congresswoman stole $800,000
from charity – spenit it on luxury trips, convicted
The Democratic Congresswoman received a whopping $800,000
worth of donations for a fake charity that she set up, and
used the funds to pay for her own personal concerts and
golf trips. We previously reported on this, however she has
now been officially found guilty.
"Former Democratic Rep. Corrine Brown was found guilty on
18 fraud and tax evasion charges Thursday afternoon in a
Jacksonville federal court."
"The charges stemmed from accusations she illegally
siphoned thousands of dollars from her charity into her own
bank account for lavish parties, trips and shopping
excursions."
"Brown was found not guilty on four of the 22 total
charges."
Brown served as a Florida representative in the U.S. House
of Representatives from 1993 until 2017. She was defeated
in her 2016 primary race, but will get a full salary for a
lifetime pension.
The sentence came after an investigation into the charity
"One Door for Education Foundation Inc.," which the
prosecutors say was used as a front to line the front
pockets of the owners.
Fox News also adds that earlier this year, Carla Wiley,
president of said charity, pleaded guilty to "one account
of conspiracy to commit wire fraud," after it was
determined that she laundered nearly $800,000 into the
organization over the course of four years.
"Prosecutors said Brown participated from 2012 to 2016 in a
conspiracy and fraud scheme involving the One Door for
Education fund, along with her chief-of-staff Elias
‘Ronnie’ Simmons and the charity’s president, Carla Wiley."
"The group solicited more than $800,000 in charitable
donations that they said would be used to pay for college
scholarships, computers for schools and other charitable
causes, prosecutors said."
"The money instead was spent by the three for their own
personal use, including for a golf tournament honoring
Brown and for luxury box seats at a Beyonce concert. The
charity awarded only two scholarships totaling $1,200 to
college students, according to trial evidence."
"Simmons and Wiley previously pleaded guilty to charges
stemming from their involvement in the scheme."
"Brown, known as a talkative politician who does not shy
away from the media, stayed silent as she left the
courthouse on Thursday."
The money that was stolen, should have been given to "needy
children," to help fund their education, according to the
Tampa Bay Times.
Acting Assistant Attorney General Kenneth Blanco said that
"She shamefully deprived needy children of hundreds of
thousands of dollars that could have helped with their
education and improved their opportunities for advancement,
and she lied to the IRS and the American public about
secret cash deposits into her personal bank accounts."
FBI Special Agent in Charge, Charles Spencer, also added
that "Brown took an oath year after year to serve others,
but instead she exploited the needs of children and
deceived her constituents to advance her own personal and
political agendas."
Despite this, Brown has still maintained her innocence,
according to her attorney. He says that they’re seeking a
new trial, and that this is "just part one of a very
long process."
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Louise
Re: PayPal
Dear Webby
I got an E mail from PayPal asking for a credit/check card
for their records. Is this a legitimate E Mail? It is
supposed to be because members have been using stolen
credit cards and so they want an additional check card.
Louise
Dear Garry
Dear Christina
Dear Louise
DON'T fill out ANYTHING on that!
It's a spoof from some crooks pretending to be PayPal.
Forward that to the real PayPal at spoof@paypal.com
PayPal will NEVER ask you for any information in email.
If you had MailWasher, then you would have seen in the
preview that the links were phony. Depending on your mail
program, you can also see where the links actually go to
if you hover the mouse over a link and watch the status
line at the bottom. While the visible link may say
"http://paypal.com", the status line will show that it's
some long number or a totally different domain.
Just forward it to the cops at spoof@paypal.com,
and then trash that mail.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
>From Debbie
I spent more than two hours in the beauty shop getting my
hair permed, cut and styled.
Relieved to be done, I went up to the receptionist to pay.
"Good afternoon!" she said cheerfully. "And who's your
appointment with today?"
So I told her I had changed my mind and walked out.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Remove Hard Water Deposits From Faucets
To remove hard water deposits that accumulate on faucets
from hard water, fill a bag with vinegar and tie the bag to
the faucet. Allow the faucet to soak in the vinegar for a
couple of hours. When you remove the bag, the deposits
should be gone. Repeat if necessary.
Hallelujah from Russia -
Goosebumps!
____________________________________________________
"Hello, hello?" shrilled a spinsterish voice over the
phone. "Is this the SPCA?"
"Yes."
"I want you to send somebody over right away."
"What's wrong?"
"There's a horrid magazine salesman sitting in a tree
teasing my dog."
___________________________________________________
Winners of the 2017 Sony World Photography Awards
Grandpa and Grandma were visiting the kids overnight,
when Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine
cabinet. He asked their son about using one of the pills,
and the son said "I don't think you should take one;
they're very strong and very expensive."
"How much?" asked Grandpa.
$10.00 a pill answered the son.
"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd like to try one, and
I'll leave the money under your pillow as soon as I break
this $50.00 bill."
The next morning the son found $110.00 under his pillow.
He said to Grandpa, "I told you each pill was $10.00, not
110.00."
"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma.
Can you get 10 more?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology
can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious
consequences.
Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-
filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His
wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him
there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided
to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap
of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did
his best to type it in from memory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was
directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose
husband had passed away only the day before. When
the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one
look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell
to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw
this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival
tomorrow.
PS. Sure is hot down here.
Today, on May 13
1607 - An expedition led by Captain Christopher Newport
arrived at Jamestown, Virginia. The passengers went ashore
the next day and this site became the first permanent
settlement English colony in America.
1779 - The War of Bavarian Succession ended.
1787 - Captain Arthur Phillip left Britain for Australia.
He successfully landed eleven ships full of convicts on
January 18, 1788, at Botany Bay. The group moved north
eight days later and settled at Port Jackson.
1846 - The U.S. declared that war existed with Mexico.
1861 - Britain declared its neutrality in the American
Civil War.
1864 - The Battle of Resaca commenced as Union General
Sherman fought towards Atlanta during the American Civil
War.
1865 - The last land engagement of the American Civil War
was fought at the Battle of Palmito Ranch in far south
Texas, more than a month after Gen. Lee's surrender at
Appomattox, VA.
1873 - Ludwig M. Wolf patented the sewing machine lamp
holder.
1880 - Thomas Edison tested his experimental electric
railway in Menlo Park.
1888 - Slavery was abolished in Brazil.
1897 - Guglielmo Marconi sent the world's first wireless
communication over open sea.
1912 - Royal Flying Corps was established in England.
1913 - Igor Sikorsky flew the first four engine aircraft.
1917 - Near Fatima, Portugal, three peasant children
reported seeing a vision of the Virgin Mary.
1927 - "Black Friday" occurred in Germany.
1949 - The first gas turbine to pump natural gas was
installed in Wilmar, AR.
1954 - U.S. President Eisenhower signed into law the St.
Lawrence Seaway Development Act.
1958 - French troops took control of Algiers.
1958 - U.S. Vice President Nixon's limousine was battered
by rocks thrown by anti-U.S. demonstrators in Caracas,
Venezuela.
1968 - Peace talks between the U.S. and North Vietnam began
in Paris.
1985 - A confrontation between Philadelphia authorities and
the radical group MOVE ended as police dropped an explosive
onto the group's headquarters. Eleven people died in the
fire that resulted.
1998 - India did a second round of nuclear tests. The first
round had been done 2 days earlier. Within hours the U.S.
and Japan imposed tough economic sanctions. India claimed
that the tests were necessary to maintain India's national
security.
1999 - In Moscow, the impeachment of Russian President
Boris Yeltsin began.
2017 smiled.
Friday, May 12, 2017, 11:04 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, May 12
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Texan told police he was kidnapped and
thata the kidnappers torched his car. Turns out
he was behind on his car payments and did not
want a repossesion on his record.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 12 in
1847 William Clayton invented the odometer.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
--- Fred Allen (1894 - 1956)
Look wise, say nothing, and grunt.
Speech was given to conceal thought.
--- Sir William Osler
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
How is playing the bagpipes like throwing a javelin
blindfolded?
You don't have to be good to get everyone's attention.
----------------
Personally, I quite like the sound of bagpipes,
from about five miles away.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to
see a fortune-tellers tent. Thinking it would be good for a
laugh, he went inside and sat down.
"Ah....." said the woman as she gazed into her crystal
ball. "I see you are the father of two children."
"That's what you think", the man laughed. I'm the father of
THREE children."
The woman grinned and said, "That's what YOU think!"
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Oscar Carrillo,
Odessa,
Texas
Oscar Carrillo told police he was kidnapped and
thata the kidnappers torched his car. Turns out
he was behind on his car payments and did not
want a repossesion on his record.
Investigators discovered that Carrillo’s cell phone records
showed that he made a total of five calls during the time
he said he was kidnapped. It was also found that Carrillos
vehicle had a past due balance of $3,275 and had been
authorized for repossession on March 15. Police then
determined that Carrillo intentionally set his car on fire
and filed a false report to cover up his actions.
They threw him in jail.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Christina
Re: Where does spam come from?
Dear Webby
Where does all the spam come from?
When I look up the IP numbers, I see Chinese servers,
but that does not make sense at all.
Christina
Dear Garry
Dear Christina
What you saw were dumb relays in China. Some Chinese
servers make money by allowing spammers to send their
spam through them to disguise the origin, and some of them
are simply so incompetent that they don't even notice it
when spammers do that. They don't really care anyway.
It's no big deal to them if the US loses a Billion Dollars
in productivity every week because people have to waste
time on getting rid of spam.
There is no point in getting sidetracked with the
misdirections. If we block China, then the spammers will
just relay through Africa. What you have to look at is who
paid the geeks to send the spam through China to you.
It's the fake Rollex seller a few houses over from you,
and the pill pusher across the street from the church,
and that annoying yuppie insurance broker next door to
Gramma's house.
You have to look at who would benefit if you fell for the
spam. Those are the real culprits. The FTC could easily
find them, if they wanted to, or if they were encouraged
enough. PayPal and the credit card companies will quite
cheerfully comply with a subpoena and reveal who the
beneficiary of an order was.
They don't like spam either.
In the meantime, just use
>From Debbie
I spent more than two hours in the beauty shop getting my
hair permed, cut and styled.
Relieved to be done, I went up to the receptionist to pay.
"Good afternoon!" she said cheerfully. "And who's your
appointment with today?"
So I told her I had changed my mind and walked out.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Ground Turkey Stuffed Mushrooms with Bell Peppers
This is a healthy and delicious side dish! I am not a fan
of vegetables but when incorporated with turkey and shrimp,
it is very good!
Prep Time: 30 minutes
Cook Time: 25 minutes
Total Time: 55 minutes
Yield: 4 people
By 15mhhm15 [111 Posts, 357 Comments]
Category Main Dishes
Vote for this contest contender!
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More
This is a healthy and delicious side dish! I am not a fan
of vegetables but when incorporated with turkey and shrimp,
it is very good!
Prep Time: 30 minutes
Cook Time: 25 minutes
Total Time: 55 minutes
Yield: 4 people
Ground Turkey Stuffed Mushrooms with Bell Peppers
Ingredients:
1 lb ground turkey
1 pack mushrooms
1/2 lb shrimp
8 sweet bell peppers
2 tomatoes
1 tsp oyster sauce
2 Tbsp fish sauce
3 stem garlic
3 stem green onions
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
4 Tbsp vegetable oil
2 cups water
Steps:
Peel off the shell of the shrimp and mince to a paste. Set
aside.
Wash and cut mushrooms. Remove the stem. Wash and cut sweet
bell peppers, green onion, and tomatoes.
Now open the package of ground turkey and mix together with
the shrimp paste that you earlier set aside. Add green
onions, dash of salt and pepper.
Now ready to stuff mushrooms with the mixture of ground
turkey and shrimp. Scoop spoonful into the mushrooms.
Get a pan, add vegetable oil on medium heat and crush the
garlic to fry. Once the garlic is golden brown add the
mushroom face the meat down first until meat is brown and
flip over. Cook each side for about 5 minutes each.
Add fish sauce and water, oyster sauce, and cook for
another 5 minutes.
Then when the water is boiling, add tomatoes, and bell
peppers and cook for another 10 minutes.
No parachute sky dive
____________________________________________________
A prospective juror was being questioned by the District
Attorney for a murder trial that had been in all the
papers.
"If the defendant were to be convicted tomorrow, could
you kill him for his crime ?"
"Well, no." replied the man. "But I could do it on
Saturday, if that would be OK."
___________________________________________________
Beautiful hand carved wooden bowls.
Thanks to Sue for this story:
Two medical students were walking along the street when
they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.
One of the students said to his friend: "I'm sure he has
Petry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man
surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks just as we learned
in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man.
They approached the old man and one of the students said
to him: "We're medical students and couldn't help but
notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the
syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said: "I'll tell you, but first you'll tell me
what you think."
One of the students said: "I think it's Petry Syndrome."
The old man said: "You thought.......... but you're wrong."
Then the other student said: "I think you have Zovitzki
Syndrome."
The old man said: "You thought......... but you're wrong."
So they asked him: "Well, what do you have?"
And the old man said:
"I thought it was a fart........... but I was wrong."
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Dan married one of a pair of identical twin girls. Less
than a year later, he was in court filing for a divorce.
"OK," the judge said, "Tell the court why you want a
divorce."
"Well, your honor," Dan started, "Every once in a while my
sister in law would come over for a visit, and because she
and my wife are so identical looking, every once in a while
I'd end up making love to her by mistake."
"Surely there must be some difference between the two
women," the judge said.
"You'd better believe there is a difference, your honor.
That's why I want the divorce." he replied.
Today, on May 12
1588 King Henry III fled Paris after Henry of Guise
triumphantly entered the city.
1780 Charleston, South Carolina fell to British forces.
1847 William Clayton invented the odometer.
1870 Manitoba entered the Confederation as a Canadian
province.
1881 Tunisia, in North Africa became a French protectorate.
1885 In the Battle of Batoche, French Canadians rebelled
against the Canadian government.
1926 The airship Norge became the first vessel to fly over
the North Pole.
1926 In Britain, a general strike by trade unions ended.
The strike began on May 3, 1926.
1937 Britain's King George VI was crowned at Westminster
Abbey.
1940 The Nazi conquest of France began with the German army
crossing Muese River.
1942 The Soviet Army launched its first major offensive of
World War II and took Kharkov in the eastern Ukraine from
the German army.
1943 The Axis forces in North Africa surrendered during
World War II.
1949 The Soviet Union announced an end to the Berlin
Blockade.
1957 A.J. Foyt won his first auto racing victory in Kansas
City, MO.
1965 West Germany and Israel exchanged letters establishing
diplomatic relations.
1975 U.S. merchant ship Mayaguez was seized by Cambodian
forces in international waters.
1978 The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration
announced that they would no longer exclusively name
hurricanes after women.
1982 South Africa unveiled a plan that would give voting
rights to citizens of Asian and mixed-race descent, but not
to blacks.
1984 South African prisoner Nelson Mandela saw his wife for
the first time in 22 years.
2002 Former U.S. President Carter arrived in Cuba for a
visit with Fidel Castro. It was the first time a U.S. head
of state, in or out of office, had gone to the island since
Castro's 1959 revolution.
2003 In Texas, fifty-nine Democratic lawmakers went into
hiding over a dispute with Republican's over a
congressional redistricting plan.
2015 It was announced that Verizon would be acquiring AOL
because their way of dealing with complaints without
getting sued really impressed Verizon.
2017 smiled.
Thursday, May 11, 2017, 07:50 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, May 11
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
‘One of the world’s dumbest criminals’ caught
stealing from Iniana sheriff, while on video.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 11 in
0330 Constantinople, previously the town of Byzantium,
was founded.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Times have not become more violent.
They have just become more televised.
Marilyn Manson (1969 - )
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Fannie:
My friend was always teasing me about cybersex and trying
o lead me on. One day he wrote me a really racy letter so I
decided to "call his bluff".
Forgetting I'd deleted his letter out of habit, I
accidentally responded to my Recipe Du Jour list instead
and wrote:
"Thanks a lot. Now I can't get any work done. My panties
are wet from the anticipation of your next email."
A gentleman wrote back: "Sorry, I didn't realize my salsa
had such an effect."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
>From Mary
While picking up a prescription, I noticed that the woman
who gave me my medication was wearing a beautiful mother's
ring. "I love your ring," I said. "It's very similar to
mine." And I held out my hand to show her. Each ring had
three birthstones. "You have three children too?" I asked.
"Well, no," the woman replied. "When my daughter picked
this out for me, she liked the rings with three settings
the best.
So I have a birthstone for two daughters, and this one,"
she said while pointing to the center gem, "is for the
dog!"
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Jack Steele Jr.,
38,
Rising Sun,
Indiana
‘One of the world’s dumbest criminals’ caught
stealing from Iniana sheriff, while on video.
A man is facing multiple felony charges after he was caught
trying to steal from the Ohio County Indiana Sheriff’s
Office.
Deputies say surveillance video shows Jack Steele Jr., 38,
breaking into the building around 6:40am. He rummaged
around the office for nine minutes, stealing a jump pack
starter for vehicle batteries, a digital camera, a
flashlight and several other items.
Steele had been brought to another area of the sheriff’s
office building after an DWI investigation. He had been
told to wait in the foyer for a ride.
When his ride arrived, Steele was seen trying to wipe his
fingerprints off of the counters before leaving.
“This has to rank up there as one of the world’s dumbest
criminals,” Sheriff Glen Potts stated. “If anyone from the
show ‘World’s Dumbest…’ is watching and needs a video for
the criminals episode, I would be more than happy to
provide one for them.”
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Garry
Re: Excel Clipboard nuisance
Dear Webby
How do I stop Excel from showing that nuisance history of
stuff I have copied before? When copying a whole bunch of
cells to new places, that's really a nuisance.
Garry
Dear Garry
Open the Options in the clipboard and uncheck every item
in there, then hit the X in the top right hand corner to
close it.
No more silly clipboard history taking up valuable screen
space.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
The couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for
weeks. He wanted a new truck.
She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip
through traffic around town.
He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck,
but everything she seemed to like was way out of their
price range.
"Look !" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to
240 in 4 seconds or less."
"And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."
For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
He is in intensive care now.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Blackberry Coconut Pops
By Judy Pariser S. [283 Posts, 2,514 Comments]
Total Time: 5 minutes, plus 5 hours refrigerating and
freezing time.
Yield: 6 pops
Source: July/August 2014 Shape magazine
Ingredients:
14 oz can unsweetened coconut milk
1/4 cup agave syrup
1/8 tsp sea salt
zest of 1/2 lemon (I used dried orange peel and it worked
out well)
1/3 cup blackberries, raspberries or blueberries (I used
blueberries)
Steps:
In a bowl, stir the coconut milk, agave syrup, salt and
zest. Then stir in the fruit.
Refrigerate for AT LEAST an hour to prevent crystals from
forming.
Put into Popsicle molds and freeze (about 4 hours).
No parachute sky dive
____________________________________________________
>From Fran:
After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest
military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-
Main Air Base in Germany with my eight siblings and me -
all under age 11.
Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the
cramped customs area. A young customs official watched
our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am," he said, "do all these
children and this luggage belong to you?"
"Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. "They're all
mine."
The customs agent began his interrogation: "Ma'am, do you
have any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your
possession?"
"Sir," she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items,
I would have used them by now."
___________________________________________________
Beautiful hand carved wooden bowls.
If you have trouble getting your children's attention,
just sit down and look comfortable.
"I had the strangest dream last night," Morris was
telling his psychiatrist. "I saw my mother, but when
she turned around to look at me, I noticed that she
had your face. As you can imagine, I found this very
disturbing. In fact I woke up immediately, and couldn't
get back to sleep. I just lay there in bed waiting for
morning to come, and then I got up, drank a Coke, and
came right over here for my appointment. I thought
you could help me explain the meaning of this strange
dream."
The psychiatrist was silent for a full minute before
responding: "A Coke? You call that a breakfast?"
Today, on May 11
0330 Constantinople, previously the town of Byzantium, was
founded.
1573 Henry of Anjou became the first elected king of
Poland.
1647 Peter Stuyvesant arrived in New Amsterdam to become
governor.
1689 French and English naval battle takes place at Bantry
Bay.
1745 French forces defeat an Anglo-Dutch-Hanoverian army at
Fontenoy.
1792 The Columbia River was discovered by Captain Robert
Gray.
1812 British prime Minster Spencer Perceval was shot by a
bankrupt banker in the lobby of the House of Commons.
1857 Indian mutineers seized Delhi from the British.
1858 Minnesota was admitted as the 32nd U.S. state.
1860 Giuseppe Garibaldi landed at Marsala, Sicily.
1889 Major Joseph Washington Wham takes charge of $28,000
in gold and silver to pay troops at various points in the
Arizona Territory. The money was stolen in a train robbery.
1894 Workers at the Pullman Palace Car Company in Illinois
went on strike.
1910 Glacier National Park in Montana was established.
1934 A severe two-day dust storm stripped the topsoil from
the great plains of the U.S. and created a "Dust Bowl." The
storm was one of many.
1944 A major offensive was launched by the allied forces in
central Italy.
1947 The creation of the tubeless tire was announced by the
B.F. Goodrich Company.
1949 Siam changed its name to Thailand.
1960 Israeli soldiers captured Adolf Eichmann in Buenos
Aires.
1967 The siege of Khe Sanh ended.
1985 More than 50 people died when a flash fire swept a
soccer stadium in Bradford, England.
1995 The Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty was extended
indefinitely. The treaty limited the spread of nuclear
material for military purposes.
1996 An Atlanta-bound ValuJet DC-9 caught fire shortly
after takeoff from Miami and crashed into the Florida
Everglades. All 110 people on board were killed.
1997 Garry Kasparov, world chess champion, lost his first
ever multi-game match. He lost to IBM's chess computer Deep
Blue. It was the first time a computer had beaten a world-
champion player.
1998 India conducted its first underground nuclear tests,
three of them, in 24 years. The tests were in violation of
a global ban on nuclear testing.
1998 A French mint produced the first coins of Europe's
single currency. The coin is known as the euro.
2001 U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft announced his
decision to approve a 30-day delay of the execution of
convicted Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh. McVeigh had
been scheduled to be executed on May 16, 2001. The delay
was because the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) had
failed to disclose thousands of documents to McVeigh's
defense team. (Oklahoma)
2017 smiled.
Wednesday, May 10, 2017, 09:04 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, May 10
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 10 in
1503 Christopher Columbus discovered the
Cayman Islands.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Management is doing things right;
leadership is doing the right things.
--- Peter Drucker (1909 - 2005)
A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice.
--- Edgar Watson Howe
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
The French have now banned fireworks displays at Euro
Disney. Reason: after last evenings fireworks display
the soldiers at a nearby French army garrison
surrendered to the illegal immigrants camping outside the
garrison.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
From Kati:
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and
after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I
want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a
great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I
won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when
I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard
time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just
understand that there will be sex here at seven
o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."
______________________________________________________
>From Funk
They learn early how to snore through Pastor Pauls sermons.
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Yogesh Patel,
36,
Salem,
New Hampshire
Salem store owner, employee charged with vandalizing cars
The owner of a local convenience store is charged with
vandalizing several cars parked in front of his business.
Yogesh Patel, 36, owner of M&N Borderline Discount at 540
S. Broadway, called authorities at 8:37 p.m. on Friday and
reported multiple cars parked illegally in front of his
store, according to police.
Police arrived to find 10 cars in the parking lot that had
one or more tires deflated.
Upon further investigation, officers determined that Patel
and a store employee, Deepakkumar Patel, 43, called police
to report the illegally parked cars, then walked outside
and drilled holes in more than 20 tires.
While investigating the incident, police said they
recovered video surveillance footage from the store that
shows the two men vandalizing the cars and the drill they
allegedly used.
Police said Sunday that both men were arrested and charged
with falsifying physical evidence and conspiracy to commit
criminal mischief in excess of $1,500.
They were released on $5,000 cash bail and are scheduled to
be arraigned in 10th Circuit Court in Salem on June 28.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Cookie
Re: Bad link
Dear Webby
I used to go to this site, but now my link does
not work anymore.
michaelbach.de/ot
Is it dead?
Thaks
Cookie
Dear Cookie
It is alive and well. Click on this link:
Optical Illusions
Have FUN!
DearWebby
From Yinpumpkin
A three year old little boy was examining his genitals
while taking a bath.
"Mama," he asked, "Are these my brains?"
Mama answered, "Not yet."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Outlet Making Crackling Popping Noise
The plug socket is making a popping/crackling noise. Then
it stops and seems as if has gone back to normal. How safe
is it?
By Phill
NO! Don't touch it!
If crackling in an outlet mystifies you, then you need to call an electrician or at least a handyman.
Otherwise you are likely to burn down your house and maybe kill somebody. An electrician is a lot cheaper than a mortician.
It is a cheap and fast fix for somebody, who has studied that, and most likely you will just have to pay for the traveling time.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Max is Trump supporter (sent by Rita)
____________________________________________________
It was after 3 a.m. in the fancy restaurant, and all the
guests but one had gone home. The last guest was
sleeping at his table. The cleaning lady, irritated that
she was delayed in doing her job, turned to the restaurant
owner.
"I've seen you shake the old fool and wake him up five
times," she said. "Why don't you make him go home?"
"No way!" answered the owner cheerfully. "Every
time I wake him up, he asks for his bill and pays it!"
___________________________________________________
Dirty car art.
From Kati:
THE LOST CHAPTER OF GENESIS:
Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very
lonely.
So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion
and that it would be a woman.
He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you,
she will cook for you,
and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.
She will always agree with every decision you make
and she will not nag you,
and will always be the first to admit she was wrong
when you've had a disagreement.
She will praise you!
She will bear your children.
and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to
take care of them.
"She will NEVER have a headache
and will freely give you love and passion
whenever you need it."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's
News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun
for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
How do you describe a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?
Someone who sits up all night,
wondering if there is a dog or not.
Today, on May 10
1503 Christopher Columbus discovered the Cayman Islands.
1676 Bacon's Rebellion, which pits frontiersmen against the
government, began.
1768 The imprisonment of the journalist John Wilkes as an
outlaw provoked violence in London. Wilkes was returned to
parliament as a member for Middlesex.
1773 The English Parliament passed the Tea Act, which taxed
all tea in the U.S. colonies. It did not go over well.
1774 Louis XVI ascended the throne of France.
1775 Ethan Allen and Colonel Benedict Arnold led an attack
on the British Fort Ticonderoga and captured it from the
British.
1796 Napoleon Bonaparte won a brilliant victory against the
Austrians at Lodi bridge in Italy.
1840 Mormon leader Joseph Smith moved his band of followers
to Illinois to escape the hostilities they had experienced
in Missouri.
1857 The Seepoys of India revolted against the British
Army.
1865 Confederate President Jefferson Davis was captured by
Union troops near Irvinville, GA.
1869 Central Pacific and Union Pacific Rail Roads meet in
Promontory, UT. A golden spike was driven in at the
celebration of the first transcontinental railroad in the
U.S.
1876 Richard Wagner’s "Centennial Inaugural March" was
heard for the first time at the Centennial Exposition in
Philadelphia, PA.
1898 A vending machine law was enacted in Omaha, NE. It
cost $5,000 for a permit.
1908 The first Mother's Day observance took place during a
church service in Grafton, West Virginia.
1924 J. Edgar Hoover was appointed head of the Federal
Bureau of Investigation.
1927 The Hotel Statler in Boston, MA. became the first
hotel to install radio headsets in each of its 1,300 rooms.
1928 WGY-TV in Schenectady, NY, began regular television
programming.
1930 The Adler Planetarium opened to the public in Chicago,
IL.
1933 The Nazis staged massive public book burnings in
Germany.
1940 Germany invaded Belgium, France, the Netherlands, and
Luxembourg.
1941 England's House of Commons was destroyed by a German
air raid.
1941 Rudolf Hess, Adolf Hitler's deputy, parachuted into
Scotland on what he claimed was a peace mission. He was
imprisoned for 50 years.
1942 U.S. forces in the Philippines began to surrender to
the Japanese.
1943 U.S. troops invaded Attu in the Aleutian Islands to
expel the Japanese.
1960 The U.S.S. Triton completed the first circumnavigation
of the globe under water. The trip started on February 16.
1962 Marvel Comics published the first issue of "The
Incredible Hulk."
1968 Preliminary Vietnam peace talks began in Paris.
1969 The National and American Football Leagues announced
their plans to merge for the 1970-71 season.
1978 Britain's Princess Margaret and the Earl of Snowdon
announced they were divorcing after 18 years of marriage.
1982 Elliott Gould made his dramatic television debut after
30 movies in 17 years. He starred in "The Rules of
Marriage" on CBS-TV.
1994 Nelson Mandela was sworn in as South Africa’s first
black president.
1997 An earthquake in northeastern Iran killed at least
2,400 people.
1999 China broke off talks on human rights with the U.S. in
response to NATO's accidental bombing of the Chinese
Embassy in Yugoslavia.
1999 The Cezanne painting "Still Life With Curtain, Pitcher
and Bowl of Fruit" sold for 60.5 million.
2000 11,000 residents were evacuated in Los Alamos, NM, due
to a fire that was blown into a canyon. The fire had been
deliberately set to clear brush.
2001 Boeing Co. announced that it would be moving its
headquarters to Chicago, IL.
2001 In Ghana, 121 people were killed in a stampede at a
soccer game.
2002 Robert Hanssen was sentenced to life in prison with no
chance for parole. Hanssen, an FBI agent, had sold U.S.
secrets to Moscow for $1.4 million in cash and diamonds.
2002 Taiwan test fired a locally made Sky Bow II surface-
to-air missile for the first time. They also fired three
U.S.-made Hawk missiles.
2002 Dr. Pepper announced that it would be introducing a
new flavor, Red Fusion, for the first time in 117 years.
2011 It was announced that Microsoft had closed a deal to
purchase the internet phone service Skype for $8.5 billion
to ensure, that Google would not get it.
2013 In New York, NY, crane operators hoisted the final
pieces of the spire atop One World Trade Center (formerly
called the Freedom Tower).
2017 smiled.
Tuesday, May 9, 2017, 10:42 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, May 9
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
SC Woman passed out behind wheel atr 10 am
with lice covered toddler in backseat
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 9 in
1429 Joan of Arc defeated the besieging English
at Orleans.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
It was one of those cloudy, hot days in Texas. The poor
little commuter plane was being bounced around all over the
sky.
The pilot came on the intercom and said, "Ladies and
Gentlemen, we are encountering some pretty bad turbulence,
but don't worry. Should anything go wrong, you'll know
immediately.
Our co-pilot will become hysterical."
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Anni was walking by the travel agent and saw a sign that
said Cruise for $39. She walked in and plunked her money on
the table.
The travel agent grabbed her, tied her to a wooden pallet
and threw her into the river out back. Terri walked in a
few minutes later, plunked down her money and she too was
grabbed, tied to a wooden pallet and thrown into the river
out back. The current was swift, so she caught up with Anni
and they both floated together for a while.
Terri asked, "Do they serve drinks on this cruise?"
Anni said,. . . "They didn't last time."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
>From Chet
The joke about the modern art reminded me of an occasion
when my cousin was painting in his studio when I walked in.
I asked him what he was calling the work, and he said he
had not made up his mind.
I said "Why don't you call it HELL"
He said why would he call it HELL?"
I said "Well, it looks like HELL to me."
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Lillemor for her picture of her Escape Roses.
Watch how they are growing through the hedge and try
to run away!
Lillemoreès Escape Roses
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Lori Dianne Lawson,
39,
Roebuck,
South Carolina
SC Woman passed out behind wheel atr 10 am
with lice covered toddler in backseat
A woman is accused of passing out in the driver’s seat with
a 2-year-old girl in the backseat, according to a
Spartanburg Sheriff’s Office report.
The report says she was “grossly intoxicated under the
influence of alcohol.”
Deputies were called to the 900 block of Blackstock Rd.
around 10:33 a.m. on 5/5.
Before they got there, EMS had transported the woman,
identified as Lori Dianne Lawson, 39, of Roebuck, and the
little girl to the hospital.
The Paramedic said they got a call about a person passed
out in a vehicle.
They beat on the window several times before the woman woke
up.
The paramedic says Lawson had slurred speech and he could
smell alcohol coming from her. They also saw the small
child in the backseat.
They say the child’s head was covered in lice. Both were
taken for medical evaluation to Spartanburg Regional.
The report says she had slurred speech and had a hard time
completing sentences.
They asked what the child’s birth date was, she paused and
said 2013. She then changed it to 2014, according to the
report.
Lawson, 39 is charged with unlawful neglect of a child, and
the child has been placed in emergency protective custody
with DSS.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Jerome
From: Ossie
Re: Is the spyware threat serious?
Dear Webby
So many people talk about spyware these days.
Is it really that common?
Ossie
Dear Ossie
That all depends on whether your machine is protected or
not. A recent study reported that 53% of those surveyed
had experienced some sort of spyware or other malicious
file infection. This number increased to a whopping 80%
when the respondents' computers were scanned, meaning
an additional 27% of the respondents computers were
infected and they didn't even know it.
Considering that excellent programs like
Spybot-Search&Destroy from the side menu here are free,
it's rather silly not to protect your machine.
If you have any valuable information on your computer,
then you might consider spending a bit of money on some
professional grade protection, like Malwarebytes.
You may have noticed that the Monday Humor Letter was
unusually late. That was because late Sunday night a Bot-
Net organized 230,000 infected computers, just like yours,
and possibly including yours, to attack the Humor Letter
blog.
Well, the Webby server is quite a powerful machine, with 64
GB of RAM. Not 2 or 4, but 64 GB.
All those attackers trying to post spam to the blog of
course were told where to stuff it, and how. They were
trying to overload the server so that they could get in and
mess with it, like they do all the time with Government or
Yahoo servers.
Well, thanks to the blog set to refuse stupid ads, the
server handled that attack with just barely slowing down.
I noticed that, of course, and put an end to that attack.
Unfortunately, the blog logged an error message for every
time the blog told the attackers where to go. That filled
the 4TB drive on which the blog and the Humor Letter sit.
And the mail program too.
It took till this morning, until Natalie, in Ukraine, found
the bloated log of the Humor Letter blog.
Once that was deleted, everything worked again like nothing
had ever happened.
So, yes, Spyware and malware definitely IS out there. I
personally noticed those 230,000 infected machines last
night. There are probably a hundred Million infected
computers out there.
The infected computers are not only used in Bot-Nets, of
course, but also harvested for all kinds of information.
They are usually not interested in bank information, except
how much you got in the bank, because they would be caught
and the bank would rip the money back, including their
pants.
They harvest your email addresses and sell them to
spammers, and of course anything, that they can sell.
Once they are in, they OWN your machine.
Use at least Spybot-Search & Destroy, or if you have
valuable data on your machine, hit the big blue
Malwarebytes link.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Keli: There's a nice-looking lady at the window table.
Greg: She's a hooker.
Keli: How can you be so sure?
Greg: C'mon! Look at her hair, all that make-up,
that short skirt, the neckline down to the navel, and those
high heels.
Keli: But you like it when I dress like that. Do you
think I look lke a hooker?
Greg: There's no way I can get out of this
conversation alive, is there?
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
How Can I Tenderize Beef Brisket?
By Donna [2 Posts]
Best Answer
After years of experimenting with brisket, I finally begged
a friend to share her brisket cooking secrets. No secret
ingredients, in fact no ingredients at all. Put the brisket
in a pan, seal up the top tight with foil. At bedtime, put
the oven in 260 degree oven. In the morning, turn the oven
off and let the brisket just sit in there another 2 hours.
Tender and scrumptious everytime.
looking for fish - seagul vs dolphin
____________________________________________________
After a frantic caller told the Battle Creek, Michigan,
Humane Society about two ducks trapped by the ice on a
pond, the shelter manager, Mike Pearson, rushed right over.
Mike inched his way out over nearly 100 feet of ice. As
onlookers stood by, he carefully made his way to the ducks,
and, thankfully, back to safety on the shore.
Both of the wooden decoys are expected to survive.
___________________________________________________
I would like to spend a week each in all of these castles.
PRINCIPLES OF JEWISH BUDDHISM
1. Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness
be as the wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never
meet the Buddha with such round shoulders.
2. Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions.
Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom
of a terminal illness.
3. Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another
story.
4. To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle
maintenance, do the following: get rid of the motorcycle.
What were you thinking?
5. There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you
never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose
fault was that?
6. If there is no Self, whose arthritis is this?
7. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget
this, and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your
problems.
8. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of
others. The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The
Tao does not take sides. The Tao is not Jewish.
9. Drink tea and nourish life. With the first sip, joy.
With the second, satisfaction. With the third sip, Danish.
10. Be patient and achieve all things. Haggle and get them
cheaper.
11. To Find the Buddha, look within. Deep inside you are
10,000 flowers. Each flower blossoms 10,000 times. Each
blossom has 10,000 petals. You might want to see a
specialist.
12. Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so
complicated?
13. Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness.
And then what do you have? Bupkes!
Ophelia Dingbatter's
News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun
for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Driving down the highway one day, I saw this slogan on the
back of a well-known trucking company's vehicle:
"We Always Go the Extra Mile."
Then I noticed another phrase scrawled in the dirt just
below it:
"(we rarely find the right exit)."
Today, on May 9
1429 Joan of Arc defeated the besieging English at Orleans.
1502 Christopher Columbus left Spain for his final trip to
the Western Hemisphere.
1671 Thomas "Captain" Blood stole the crown jewels from the
Tower of London.
1754 The first newspaper cartoon in America showed a
divided snake "Join or die" in "The Pennsylvania Gazette."
1785 Joseph Bramah patented the beer-pump handle.
1825 The Chatham Theatre opened in New York City. It was
the first gas-lit theater in America.
1901 In Australia, the Duke of Cornwall and York declared
the First Commonwealth Parliament open.
1904 The Great Western Railway Number 3440 City of Truro
became the first railway locomotive to exceed 100 miles per
hour.
1915 German and French forces fought the Battle of Artois.
1926 Americans Richard Byrd and Floyd Bennett became the
first men to fly an airplane over the North Pole.
1936 Fascist Italy took Addis Abba and annexed Ethiopia.
1936 The first sheet of postage stamps of more than one
variety went on sale in New York City.
1941 The German submarine U-110 was captured at sea by
Britain's Royal navy.
1945 U.S. officials announced that the midnight
entertainment curfew was being lifted immediately.
1946 King Victor Emmanuel II of Italy abdicated and was
replaced by Umberto.
1955 West Germany joined NATO.
1960 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved
for sale an oral birth-control pill for the first time.
1962 A laser beam was successfully bounced off Moon for the
first time.
1974 The House Judiciary Committee began formal hearings on
the Nixon impeachment.
1978 The bullet-riddled body of former Italian Prime
Minister Aldo Moro was found in an automobile in the center
of Rome. The Red Brigades had abducted him.
1980 A Liberian freighter hit the Sunshine Skyway Bridge
over Tampa Bay in Florida. 35 motorists were killed and a
1,400-foot section of the bridge collapsed.
1994 Nelson Mandela was chosen to be South Africa's first
black president.
1996 In video testimony to a courtroom in Little Rock, AR,
U.S. President Clinton insisted that he had nothing to do
with a $300,000 loan in the criminal case against his
former Whitewater partners.
2002 In Bethlehem, West Bank, a deal was reached that would
end the 38-day standoff at the Church of the Nativity.
Thirteen suspected militants were to be deported to several
different countries. The standoff had begun on April 2,
2002.
2002 In Kaspiisk, Russia, 39 people were killed and at
least 130 were injurde when a remote-controlled bomb
exploded during a holiday parade.
2002 In Bahrain, people were allowed to vote for
representatives for the first time in nearly 30 years.
Women were allowed to vote for the first time in the
country's history.
2017 smiled.
Is refilling illegal or does it void the warranty?
Monday, May 8, 2017, 03:26 PM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, May 8
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Oklahoma teacher arrested with Heroin, meth,
40 syringes in her purse
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 8 in
1794 Antoine Lavoisier was executed by guillotine. He was
the French chemist, who discovered oxygen and helped set
up the Metric system.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher
grade of prejudices.
--- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee
when she spotted a charming little farmhouse with a
hand-lettered "For Sale" sign out front.
After briskly introducing herself and her associate to the
startled occupant, the agent cruised from room to room,
opening closets and cupboards, testing faucets and
pointing out where a "new light fixture here and a little
paint there" would help. Pleased with her assertiveness,
the woman was hopeful that the owner would offer her the
listing.
"Ma'am," the man said, "I appreciate the home-improvement
tips and all, but I think you read my sign wrong.
It says, "HORSE for sale. But I s'pose someone who don't
read so good, prolly can't afford a horse ?"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
The local high school has a policy that the parents must
call the school if a student is to be absent for the day.
Kelly (name changed to protect the guilty), deciding to
skip school and go to the mall with her friends waited
until her parents had left for work and called the school
herself. This is the actual conversation of the telephone
call.
Kelly: "Hi, I'm calling to report that Kelly so-and-so is
unable to make it to school today because she is ill.
Secretary at high school: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
I'll note her absence. Who is this calling?"
Kelly: "This is my mother."
Secretary: "Tell your mother that you flunked 'lying',
and that you will have to pick up garbage around the
school until you fill two bags. AFTER school. You better
get your lazy butt to school RIGHT NOW, or else I am
calling the cops and report you as truant!"
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Megan Sloan,
27,
Sapulpa,
Oklahoma
Oklahoma teacher arrested with Heroin, meth,
40 syringes in her purse
A second-grade teacher in Oklahoma was arrested on drug
and embezzlement charges on Monday when police found
dozens of needles, heroin, meth and Suboxone in her purse,
according to an affidavit.
Court records show another teacher reported Megan Sloan,
27, to Holmes Park Elementary administrators after Sloan
left her Facebook account open on another teacher’s
computer. The teacher had reportedly read a message in
which Sloan detailed how she pawned school items and sold
heroin.
Once those details came to light, school administrators
contacted authorities who came to the school to question
Sloan. They say she confessed to using the drugs before
they even searched her purse and found heroin.
She says her kids have never had access to her purse,
Sapulpa Police Lieutenant Philip Diehl told local
affiliate KWTV.
This particular morning the purse was left in the
classroom, because as soon as she arrived at work she was
called down to the office, and so she set her purse down
and left.
Diehl said they found multiple, maybe 40 syringes, some
empty, inside her purse.
Police say she is also suspected of using students field
trip money and selling school-issued iPads to pay for
drugs.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Jerome
Re: Is ink refilling illegal and
does it void warranty?
Dear Webby
Is ink refillilling illegal and does it really void the warranty?
Jerome
Dear Jerome
No it is not illegal, and it does not void any warrantly.
Using a refill kit as instructed or using either a
remanufactured or compatible ink cartridge does not void
a warranty according to federal law:
(section 2302(c) of the Magnuson-Moss Warranty Act).
If you see any claims to the contrary, and it does not
show "except where prohibited by law", then they can't
mess with your warranty. In the US it is prohibited by law
to mess with your warranty, just because you used
equivalent or better ink. Don't let them scare you.
If you see any illegal threats regarding your warranty,
just ignore them.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
The teacher was asking the kids where they were going to
go for their summer vacations. She turned to little Johnny
and asked him.
"We're going to visit my grandmother in Punxsutawney,
Pennsylvania," he replied.
"That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the
teacher said. "Can you tell the class how you spell that?"
Little Johnny thought about it and said, "You know, come
to think of it, since I am probably going to flunk this
class, most likely I'll be going to Balconia,
or maybe the wood shed."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Kill Aphids
By Donna Lusk [5 Posts, 3 Comments]
February 24, 2012
1 found this helpful
Best Answer
get a large spray bottle big enough to hold the followig
ingredients:
1 cup vegetable oil or white mineral oil
2 cups water
2 teaspoons bleach free dish soap
Add all ingredients to spray bottle and shake well before
each use because the oil separates from the soap mixture
once it sits for a bit. When spraying your plants, bushes
etc... be sure you spray under the leaves and on any new
growth as that is where the aphids love to hide and eat.
This works excellent for us and I hope it will do the same
for you. Be sure not to add more soap than required as it
can kill your plants.
Donna L. Watauga, TX
clarinet from carrot
____________________________________________________
>From Rollie:
While my wife and I were shopping at a mall kiosk, a
shapely young woman in a short, form-fitting dress
strolled by. Naturally my eyes followed her.
Without looking up from the item she was examining,
my wife asked, "Was it worth the trouble you're in now?"
___________________________________________________
I love the "Over the shoulder look."
>From Mary F
My son from California who was visiting this weekend
tells me that there were a couple of terrorists who had
made it into the US and were having coffee in San
Francisco when one of them started conversing in Arabic.
The other cautioned him and then reminded him,
"We are in the California now. Speak in Spanish."
Ophelia Dingbatter's
News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun
for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had
married and settled down in their old neighborhood and are
celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary. They
walk down the street to their old school. There, they
hold hands as they find the old desk they'd shared and
where he had carved "I love you, Sally."
On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an
armored car practically at their feet. She quickly picks
it up, but they don't know what to do with it so they take
it home. There, she counts the money, and it's fifty
thousand dollars.
The husband says, "We've got to give it back."
She says, "Finders keepers." And she puts the money back
in the bag and hides it up in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men are going door-to-door in the
neighborhood looking for the money and show up at their
home. They say, "Pardon me, but did either of you find any
money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"
She says, "No."
The husband says, "She's lying. She hid it up in the
attic."
She says, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."
But the agents sit the man down and begin to question him.
One says, "Tell us the story from the beginning."
The old man says, "Well, when Sally and I were walking
home from school yesterday . . . "
The FBI guy looks at his partner and says, "Let's get out
of here."
Today, on May 8
1096 Peter the Hermit and his army reached Hungary. They
passed through without incident.
1450 Jack Cade's Rebellion-Kentishmen revolted against
King Henry VI.
1541 Hernando de Soto reached the Mississippi River. He
called it Rio de Espiritu Santo.
1794 Antoine Lavoisier was executed by guillotine. He was
the French chemist that discovered oxygen and helped set
up the Metric system.
1794 The United States Post Office was established.
1846 The first major battle of the Mexican War was fought.
The battle occurred in Palo Alto, TX.
1847 The rubber tire was patented by Robert W. Thompson.
1879 George Selden applied for the first automobile
patent.
1886 Pharmacist Dr. John Styth Pemberton invented what
would later be called "Coca-Cola."
1904 U.S. Marines landed in Tangier to protect the Belgian
legation.
1914 The U.S. Congress passed a Joint Resolution that
designated the second Sunday in May as Mother's Day.
1919 The first transatlantic flight took-off by a navy
seaplane.
1921 Sweden abolished capital punishment.
1933 Gandhi began a hunger strike to protest British
oppression in India.
1943 The Germans suppressed a revolt by Polish Jews and
destroyed the Warsaw Ghetto.
1945 U.S. President Harry Truman announced that World War
II had ended in Europe.
1956 Alfred E. Neuman appeared on the cover of "Mad
Magazine" for the first time.
1958 U.S. President Eisenhower ordered the National Guard
out of Little Rock as Ernest Green became the first black
to graduate from an Arkansas public school.
1960 Diplomatic relations between Cuba and the Soviet
Union resumed.
1970 Construction workers broke up an anti-war protest on
New York City's Wall Street.
1973 Militant American Indians who had held the South
Dakota hamlet of Wounded Knee for 10 weeks surrendered.
1984 The Soviet Union announced that they would not
participate in the 1984 Summer Olympics Games in Los
Angeles.
1985 "New Coke" was released to the public on the 99th
anniversary of Coca-Cola. it was a dud.
1986 Reporters were told that 84,000 people had been
evacuated from areas near the Chernobyl nuclear plant in
Ukraine.
1998 A pipe burst leaving a million residents without
water in Malaysia's capital area. This added to four days
of shortages that 2 million already faced.
1999 The first female cadet graduated from The Citadel
military college.
2017 smiled.
Sunday, May 7, 2017, 10:46 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, May 7
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Man, who ran worlds largest child-pornography
website gets 30 years
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 7 in
1429 The English siege of Orleans was broken by
Joan of Arc.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Mistakes are the portals of discovery.
--- James Joyce (1882 - 1941)
I happen to feel that the degree of a person's
intelligence is directly reflected by the number of
conflicting attitudes she can bring to bear on the same
topic.
--- Lisa Alther
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A man wonders if having sex on the
Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if
sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest
and ask for his opinion on this question.
After consulting the Bible, the priest says,
"My son, after an exhaustive search, I am
positive that sex is work and is therefore
not permitted on Sundays" The man thinks:
"What does a priest know about sex?"
So he goes to a minister who, after all, is
a married man and experienced in this
matter. He queries the minister and
receives the same reply. Sex is work and
therefore not for the Sabbath!
Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out
a Rabbi, a man of thousands of years
tradition and knowledge. The Rabbi
ponders the question, then states,
"My son, sex is definitely play."
The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be
so sure when so many others tell me sex
is work?"
The Rabbi softly speaks,
"My son, if sex were work, my wife would
have the maid do it."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the
posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed
this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're
only allowed one seat."
The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became
impatient.
"Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to
call the manager."
Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher
who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in
search of his manager. In a few moments, both the
usher and the manager returned and stood over the
man.
Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him,
but with no success. Finally, they summoned the
police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then
asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"
"Sam," the man moaned.
"Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam
replied "the balcony."
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Luigi Feniello
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Steven W. Chase,
58,
Naples,
Florida
Man, who ran worlds largest child-pornography
website gets 30 years
A Florida man identified by federal prosecutors as the
creator and lead administrator of what’s thought to be the
world’s largest child-pornography website has been
sentenced to 30 years in prison.
The FBI said in a news release Friday that 58-year-old
Steven W. Chase of Naples, Florida, was sentenced this
week in a federal courtroom in North Carolina.
Two co-defendants who also were identified as
administrators of the website each received 20-year
prison terms earlier this year.
According to the FBI, Chase created a website called
Playpen in August 2014 on an open internet network where
users can communicate anonymously through “hidden service”
websites. Chase ran Playpen, which the FBI said had more
than 150,000 users around the world.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Glenis
Re: Letter shortcut on desktop
Dear Webby
I saw one of the IT guys click on an icon and an already
addressed email opened up. He just put some quick
comments into the body of the email and fired it off.
I didn't want to ask him and appear stupid, especially
since those guys can't explain anything anyway.
I take information by phone and then fire quotes by email
to the four salespeople.
I know YOU can explain how to do that.
Thanks
Glenis
Dear Glenis
Right-click on a free spot on the desktop's edge,
New
Shortcut
and into the location field type:
mailto:johnnie@company.com?subject="Quote # 123456"
For the shortcut name, use johnie or whatever the name of
that salesperson is.
Hit OK until you are out of it and it's ready to use.
With the Quote number, just use all but the last 3 digits.
Those you'll fill in manually when you send the email.
Once you have those shortcuts made for all four, make or
find four different icons, that are suitable for those
four people, and change their shortcut icons to those.
Done.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her
husband, "Do you remember when you proposed to
me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an
hour?"
The hubby replied, "Yes, honey, that was the happiest
hour of my life."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Making Ice Last Longer
Cover the ice in a picnic cooler with foil to help it last
longer. Keep water in your canteen cooler by wrapping
the canteen in foil.
Tip provided by http://www.ThriftyFun.com
If you REALLY want to cool a canteen, use a sawed off
leg of old jeans, sewed closed at the bottom and the top
cut and re-inforced like shopping bag handles. Soak the
pant leg, put the canteen into it and hang it from a side
mirror or front bumper or grill. As the wind evaporates
the water, it sucks heat out of the canteen.
Long socks work too, but you will wind up with ice in the
canteen if you drive too fast.
That is the reason why military canteens used to be
covered with cotton cloth.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
horse won't leave reporter alone
____________________________________________________
>From Alice:
On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one
of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an
educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next
to me explained that she was returning to Miami after
having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18
grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston. Then
she inquired what I did for a living.
I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free
professional advice.
Instead she sat back and said, "If there's anything you
want to know, just ask me."
___________________________________________________
Beautiful gentle giants.
I was on a panel for prospective jury duty. The first
lawyer questioning us began right off as an intimidating
showman. When he came to his question,
"Do any of you here today dislike lawyers?"
Before the pause became too long, the judge
announced, "I do."
Ophelia Dingbatter's
News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun
for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today, on May 7
0558 The Dome Of The Church Of St. Sophia In
Constantinople Collapsed. It Was Immediately Rebuilt As
Ordered By Justinian.
1429 The English Siege Of Orleans Was Broken By Joan Of
Arc.
1525 The German Peasants' Revolt Was Crushed By The Ruling
Class And Church.
1763 Indian Chief Pontiac Began All Out War On The British
In New York.
1912 The First Airplane Equipped With A Machine Gun Flew
Over College Park, Md.
1915 The Lusitania, A Civilian Ship Carrying Poison Gas,
Was Sunk By A German Submarine. 1,201 People Were Killed.
1926 A U.S. Report Showed That One-Third Of The Nation's
Exports Were Motors.
1937 The German Condor Legion Arrived In Spain To Assist
Franco’S Forces.
1939 Germany And Italy Announced A Military And Political
Alliance Known As The Rome-Berlin Axis.
1940 Winston Churchill Became British Prime Minister.
1942 In The Battle Of The Coral Sea, Japanese And American
Navies Attacked Each Other With Carrier Planes. It Was The
First Time In The History Of Naval Warfare Where Two Enemy
Fleets Fought Without Seeing Each Other.
1943 The Last Major German Strongholds In North Africa,
Tunis And Bizerte, Fell To Allied Forces.
1945 Germany Signed Unconditional Surrender Ending World
War Ii. It Would Take Effect The Next Day.
1946 Tokyo Telecommunications Engineering Corp. Was
Founded. The Company Was Later Renamed Sony.
1951 Russia Was Admitted To Participate In The 1952
Olympic Games By The International Olympic Committee.
1954 French Colonial Forces Surrendered To The Vietminh At
Dien Bien Phu After 55 Days Of Fighting.
1954 The United States And The United Kingdom Rejected The
Soviet Union's Bid To Join Nato.
1958 Howard Johnson Set An Aircraft Altitude Record In F-
104.
1960 Leonid Brezhnev Became President Of The Soviet Union.
1975 U.S. President Ford Declared An End To The Vietnam
War.
1984 A $180 Million Out-Of-Court Settlement Was Announced
In The Agent Orange Class-Action Suit Brought By Vietnam
Veterans Who Claimed They Had Suffered Injury From
Exposure To The Defoliant While Serving In The Armed
Forces.
1992 A 203-Year-Old Proposed Constitutional Amendment
Barring The U.S. Congress From Giving Itself A Midterm Pay
Raise Was Ratified As The 27th Amendment.
1994 The Edvard Munch Painting "The Scream" Was Recovered
After Being Stolen 3 Months Earlier From An Oslo Museum.
This Version Of "The Scream", One Of Four Different
Versions, Was Painted On Paper.
1996 The Trial Of Serbian Police Officer Dusan Tadic
Opened In The Netherlands. He Was Later Convicted On
Murder-Torture Charges And Was Sentenced To 20 Years In
Prison.
1997 A Report Released By The U.S. Government Said That
Switzerland Provided Nazi Germany With Equipment And
Credit During World War Ii. Germany Exchanged For Gold
That Had Been Plundered Or Stolen. Switzerland Did Not
Comply With Postwar Agreements To Return The Gold.
1998 Daimler-Benz Bought Chrysler Corp. For Close To $40
Billion. It Was The Largest Industrial Merger On Record.
1999 A Jury Ruled That "The Jenny Jones Show" And Warner
Bros. Were Liable In The Shooting Death Of Scott Amedure.
He Was Killed By Another Guest On The Show. The Jury's
Award Was $25 Million.
1999 In Belgrade, Yugoslavia, Three Chinese Citizens Were
Killed And 20 Were Wounded When A Nato Plane Mistakenly
Bombed The Chinese Embassy.
1999 In Guinea-Bissau, The Government Of President João
Bernardo Vieira Was Ousted In A Military Coup.
2003 In Washington, Dc, General Motors Corp. Delivered Six
Fuel Cell Vehicles To Capitol Hill For Lawmakers And
Others To Test Drive During The Next Two Years.
2017 smiled.
Saturday, May 6, 2017, 07:55 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, May 6
Thank you, Mildred!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman arrested after she said she fired gun to
scare teen she caught raping neighbor’s dog
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 6 in
1527 German troops began sacking Rome,
bringing about the end of the Renaissance.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from
happening.
--- Barbara Tober
Traditions are standardized ways of dealing with situations
that have been experienced by others before.
---Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Walter from Stonecarver.com
for this one:
heard a good one:
Whenever I come home from playing golf, my son always asks
me excitedly, "Did you win, Dad?"
I have explained to him time and time again that you're
really just playing against yourself.
This time the family was on vacation and I had gone out to
play a round. When I returned, the kids were swimming in
the hotel pool, which was full of young kids and
surrounded by dozens of parents. From across the pool, at
the top of his lungs, my son yelled,
"Hey Dad! Were you just playing with yourself?
We checked out that night.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Georgiagirl for this joke:
Mujibar was trying to get into America legally through
Immigration.
The Immigration Officer said, "Mujibar, you have passed
all the tests, except there is one more test. Unless you
pass it you cannot enter America."
Mujibar said, "I is ready."
The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow,
Pink and Green."
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister
Officer, I is ready."
The Officer said, "Go ahead."
Mujibar said, "The telephone, she goes green, green,
green, and I pink it up, and I say, 'Yellow, this is Mr
Mujibar.'"
Mujibar now lives in a neighbourhood near you, and works
for your phone company's Help Desk.
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Kerrie Lenkerd,
40,
Centerton,
Arkansas
Woman arrested after she said she fired gun to
scare teen she caught raping neighbor’s dog
Police arrested an Arkansas woman last week after she
allegedly shot at a 14-year-old boy whom she accused of
trying to rape a neighbor’s dog.
Kerrie Lenkerd, 40, was arrested on Tuesday, April 25,
according to an arrest warrant. She is facing a charge of
felony aggravated assault.
On Monday, April 17, Centerton police talked to Lenkerd,
who said that she spotted the teenager out her window in
her neighbor’s yard. She told police that the boy was in
his boxers and he was sexually assaulting the neighbor’s
dog, according to KFSM-TV.
Lenkerd said the boy has done this before, so she took a
gun from her safe and approached him and ordered him to
get on the ground, the warrant states. She said the boy
jumped the fence and so she went after him and fired a
shot into the ground to scare him. She said the boy ran
away leaving behind some clothes and an iPad.
Officers spoke to several neighbors who said they heard
the gunshot and then spotted the boy running away, the
document states.
The following day, officers spoke to the boy, who said
Lenkerd came around and pointed a gun at him and told him
to put his hands up, the warrant states. He said he didn’t
see her carrying a badge so he jumped the fence and ran
away in his underwear. He said Lenkerd fired a shot about
five or 10 seconds after he jumped the fence.
The boy told police that when he got home he changed
clothes and told his mom a false story before meeting with
officers.
Lenkerd was taken to the Benton County Detention Center,
where she was held on a $5,000 bond.
--------------------
I really sympathise with her, but when a perp is fleeing
and no threat, then you can't shoot. Since she had his
iPad and his pants, there was no need for shooting,
especially not after he was beyond the fence. Since cops
get in trouble for shooting at a fleeing perp, they won't
let civilians get away with that. They will take all her
guns and make her a felon, which means no more guns for
the rest of her life, and no vactions in Canada or many
other fine countries.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Eddie
Re: Defragging
Dear Webby
What is this defragging all about and how does it work?
Eddie
Dear Eddie
Every time a file is opened and changed, it's size
changes.
When it is saved again, the part that does not fit into
the original spot, is placed somewhere else.
That is a fragment.
Over time, some files will be in bits and pieces all over
the place. Naturally, that slows everything down and also
can cause reliability problems.
A defragger re-unites all the different pieces of each
file. After the first time you run a good defragger, it
will feel like you had bought a newer and faster computer.
Currently the defragger in the Glary Utilities seems to
be the best of the free ones. Be careful, though with the
rest of the utilities bundled with it and only use them
after you have done a full back-up!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A teacher was sitting at her desk grading papers,
when her first-grade class came back from lunch.
Wendy informed the teacher, "Anni has to go to
the principal's office."
"Do you know why ?", the teacher asked.
"Because she's a following person," Wendy replied.
"A what?"
"It came over the loudspeaker: 'The following persons
are to go to the office...'"
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Starting a Pussy Willow Plant from a Branch
By Ellen
You can easily start a pussy willow by rooting one of its
branches in water. Pussy willows (like other trees in the
willow family) produce a natural rooting hormone that
encourages them to root quickly.
In fact, if you put cutting from other plants in with the
pussy willows that are rooting, the other plants are
likely to root faster due to the presence of the rooting
hormone.
To start a branch in water, select a 12 to 16 inch section
that is from 1/2 to 1 inch thick.
Remove any leaves that will fall before the water line,
and stick the branch in a bucket of water.
Store the branch in a cool place out of direct sunlight
until some roots emerge. Then transplant the branch
outdoors to moist soil.
Rooting a Branch in Soil
Although pussy willow branches root easily in water, they
will take off much faster if you root them directly in
moist soil. This is because water roots (roots that have
developed in water) are not the same as roots that have
developed in soil. Water roots need time to adapt to their
new growing conditions in soil, so branches that are
rooted this way will take a bit longer to become
established. Pussy willow branches can be rooted in pots
indoors or directly in the garden as soon as weather
permits (danger of frost is past).
Have fun!
Ellen
horse won't leave reporter alone
____________________________________________________
Did you know that in order to encourage interstate
commerce in the US every second state forbids fireworks
and you have to go to the next state to get them. You can
always tell that you are getting close to a state border
when you see those firworks sales huts on the side of the
freeway.
In Canada fireworks are usually regulated locally but
rarely enforced unless somebody does something really
stupid. However, in this one town, which shall remain
nameless, the local dogooders decided to push for a
bylaw banning fireworks, even though the only reported
accident was when a city council member had forgotten
that her hubby had stashed the fireworks in the barbeque
to keep them out of the rain and out of the reach of the
kids.
An opponent to the proposed fireworks bylaw erected a
sign that read: "ALL dogooders should be blown up"
The next morning somebody had spray-painted underneath:
"That would do them good"
___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's
News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun
for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today, on May 6
1527 German troops began sacking Rome, bringing about the
end of the Renaissance.
1529 Babur defeated the Afghan Chiefs in the Battle of
Ghagra, India.
1576 The peace treaty of Chastenoy ended the fifth war of
religion.
1682 King Louis XIV moved his court to Versailles, France.
1840 The first adhesive postage stamps went on sale in
Great Britain.
1851 The mechanical refrigerator was patented by Dr. John
Gorrie.
1851 Linus Yale patented the clock-type lock.
1877 Chief Crazy Horse surrendered to U.S. troops in
Nebraska.
1882 The U.S. Congress passed the Chinese Exclusion Act.
The act barred Chinese immigrants from the U.S. for 10
years.
1889 The Universal Exposition opened in Paris, France,
marking the dedication of the Eiffel Tower. Also at the
exposition was the first automobile in Paris, the
Mercedes-Benz.
1910 King Edward VII of England died. He was succeeded by
his second son, George V.
1937 The German airship Hindenburg crashed and burned in
Lakehurst, NJ. Thirty-six people (of the 97 on board) were
killed.
1941 Joseph Stalin assumed the Soviet premiership.
1942 During World War II, the Japanese seized control of
the Philippines. About 15,000 Americans and Filipinos on
Corregidor surrendered to the Japanese.
1945 Axis Sally made her final propaganda broadcast to
Allied troops.
1957 U.S. Senator John Fitzgerald Kennedy was awarded the
Pulitzer Prize for his book "Profiles in Courage".
1959 The Pablo Picasso painting of a Dutch girl was sold
for $154,000 in London. It was the highest price paid (at
the time) for a painting by a living artist.
1960 Britain's Princess Margaret married Anthony Armstrong
Jones. They were divorced in 1978.
1960 U.S. President Eisenhower signed the Civil Rights Act
of 1960.
1962 The first nuclear warhead was fired from the Polaris
submarine.
1981 A jury of international architects and sculptors
unanimously selected Maya Ying Lin's entry for the design
of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial.
1994 The Channel Tunnel officially opened. The tunnel
under the English Channel links England and France.
1994 Former Arkansas state worker Paula Jones filed suit
against U.S. President Clinton. The case alleged that he
had sexually harassed her in 1991.
1997 Army Staff Sgt. Delmar G. Simpson was sentenced to 25
years in prison for raping six trainees at Aberdeen
Proving Ground in Maryland.
1997 Four health-care companies agreed to a settlement of
$600 million to hemophiliacs who had contracted AIDS from
tainted blood between 1978-1985.
1999 A parole board in New York voted to release Amy
Fisher. She had been in jail for 7 years for shooting her
lover's wife, Mary Jo Buttafuoco, in the face.
2001 Chandra Levy's parents reported her missing to police
in Washington, DC. Levy's body was found on May 22, 2002
in Rock Creek Park.
2002 "Spider-Man" became the first movie to make more than
$100 million in its first weekend.
2017 smiled.
Friday, May 5, 2017, 12:17 PM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, May 5
Time to wear a bit of red to show your
support for the troops!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Arizona Father charged with child abuse after
using taser on 11 year old son six times in a year
to get him to do his homework.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 5 in
1494 Christopher Columbus sighted Jamaica on his
second trip to the Western Hemisphere. He named
the island Santa Gloria.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
History is more or less bunk.
--- Henry Ford (1863 - 1947)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
I accompanied my husband when he went to get a haircut.
Reading a magazine, I found a hairstyle I liked for
myself, and I asked the receptionist if I could take the
magazine next door to make a copy of the photo.
"Leave some ID, a driver's license or a credit card," she
said.
"But my husband is here getting a haircut," I explained.
"Yes," she replied. "But I need something you'll come back
for."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A new miracle doctor was in town.
He charged $100 in advance, with a full money-back
guarantee if his miracle did not cure a person.
He could cure anything and anybody, and
everyone was amazed with what he can do.
Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town grouch.
So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor to prove that he
wasn't so miraculous.
He goes and tells the doctor, "Hey, doc, I have lost my
sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin
to do?"
The doctor scratches his head and mumbles
to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith,
"What you need is jar number 43."
Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders.
So the doctor leaves and after five minutes brings a jar
and tells Mr. Smith to taste it.
He tastes it and immediately spits it out,
"This is gross!" he yells.
"I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the
doctor. I will keep your $100.
So Mr. Smith goes home very mad.
One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the
doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts,
"I can't remember!"
Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his head
and mumbles to himself a little.
Then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43..."
Before the doctor finished his sentence,
Mr. Smith fled the office.
______________________________________________________
Chinese Topiary Gardens
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Darryl Ingram,
49,
Goodyear,
Arizona
Arizona Father charged with child abuse after
using taser on 11 year old son six times in a year
to get him to do his homework.
Bus Driver Asked Boy About Marks on Shoulder. He Says
They’re From a ‘Toy’ His Dad’s Been Using.
Ingram reportedly tried to trick him into thinking he was
using a phone app to punish him, not a real Taser — but
the injuries the child suffered were all too real.
The 49-year-old father denied using a real Taser on his
son, claiming he only used an app on him.
The father told police he didn't even have a Taser, but
authorities found one and a family member confirmed that
Ingram owned it.
Ingram then allegedly admitted to police later that he
used a real Taser on his son one time. He explained:
"I was telling him this is a toy compared to what police
use. I just kind of showed him against myself. It
basically is like a pinch. It doesn’t deliver much voltage
or anything. It does kinda like pinch the skin.”
He also described his reason for using it:
"If your behavior and the way you’re doing things
continues on, somewhere down the line, this is something
that is going to be used on you. You have to be obedient.”
Ingram has been charged with child abuse for his actions.
This isn't the first time Ingram has been investigated for
abuse. On another occasion, school officials called child
welfare workers to report that the father allegedly hit
his son. Court records show that the case was later
dismissed.
His 11-year-old son has been removed from his custody and
is now living with his mother in another state,
where the sweet little angel will do his homework without
needing a jolt six times a year.
--------------------------
Considering that one jolt was not enough and that he
needed five reminders throughout the year, some stronger
punishment might be necessary.
The carpet beater used for dusting my butt worked fairly
well, especially with having to hang all the carpets on
the fence afterward and having to beat them until they
were clean, with all the neighbor kids snickering at a
safe distance.
By the time we got a vacuum cleaner, I had learned to
behave.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Marnie
Re: Old clip art
Dear Webby
I am writing a book for friends
with old recipes and need clip-art to
decorate it. Where would I find that?
Marnie
Dear Marnie
Try the "Gallery Of Regrettable Food" at
Gallery
There are all kinds of nowadays funny
pictures, from dough-boy-PLUS shaped,
pencil-mustachoid chefs, to moms in 40's
and 50's style hairdoos messing with
dough or old appliances. Some of the
pictures need to be touched up, but
many of them are quite funny.
Check for copyrights
Have FUN!
DearWebby
>From the Kidd family:
TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his
father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do
you know why his father didn't punish him?"
JOHNNY: "Because George still had the axe in his hand."
______________
TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly
the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
DESMOND: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
______________
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking
when people are no longer interested?
PUPIL: A teacher.
_____________
TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have today
that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLIE: Me!
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comReusing Broken Terra Cotta Planters
By Sandra
When one of my terra cotta planters crack, or break, I
take a hammer and remove the broken side and then place
the good half in front of a plant in my garden.
I cover the edges of the planter with just enough soil to
hide them so it looks like the other half is buried.
I love how it appears that the plant is 'growing' out of
the half buried planter.
And with the broken half that I hammered away from the
good half, I hammer the pieces small enough to use in the
bottom of another planter for drainage.
There is no waste of a terra cotta, or clay pot, at my
house. :-)
You can glue them back together with white or yellow
carpenter`s glue, or cement milk. (Cement and water)
Usually that is stronger than original, but if you are
worried, you can get the mesh that the sheet rockers use
for gypsum board, smear some cement milk in the break
area, dip the mesh in cement milk and slap it on.
The rest of the pot may get broken some day, but that
repair will remain solid.
You can also wash the pot with cement milk to give it a
grey, rock color appearance.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Eagle flight
____________________________________________________
A college freshman, returning home for the summer,
was discussing the problems of living at college. He was
commenting on the cost of food, power, insurance and the
other costs of living that we must all endure. Mom
commented back to her son that she knew just how he felt.
He got a puzzled look and said “how would you know mom?
You still live at home”.
___________________________________________________
Kids are awesome!
Thanks to Dave for this story:
After digging to a depth of 100 metres last year, Russian
scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000
years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors
already had a telephone network one thousand years
ago.
So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed,
American scientists dug 200 metres and headlines in the US
papers read: "US scientists have found traces of silica,
indicating 2000 year old optical fibres, and have
concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-
tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the
Russians."
One week later, the Canadian newspapers reported the
following: "After digging as deep as 500 metres, Canadian
scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have
concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were
already using wireless technology.
------------------
Yep. That's right. Smoke signals are definitely wireless.
To this day half the Government is accusing it the other
half, that their posturing is just smoke and mirrors,
while those in turn are trying to tax smoking out of
Canadian life. However, if everybody stopped smoking, the
Government couldn't afford medicare!
Ophelia Dingbatter's
News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun
for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today, on May 5
1494 Christopher Columbus sighted Jamaica on his second
trip to the Western Hemisphere. He named the island Santa
Gloria.
1798 U.S. Secretary of War William McHenry ordered that
the USS Constitution be made ready for sea. The frigate
was launched on October 21, 1797, but had never been put
to sea.
1809 Mary Kies was awarded the first patent to go to a
woman. It was for technique for weaving straw with silk
and thread.
1814 The British attacked the American forces at Ft.
Ontario, Oswego, NY.
1834 The first mainland railway line opened in Belgium.
1862 The Battle of Puebla took place. It is celebrated as
Cinco de Mayo Day.
1865 The Thirteenth Amendment was ratified, abolishing
slavery in the U.S.
1891 Music Hall was dedicated in New York City. It was
later renamed Carnegie Hall.
1892 The U.S. Congress extended the Geary Chinese
Exclusion Act for 10 more years. The act required Chinese
in the U.S. to be registered or face deportation.
1901 The first Catholic mass for night workers was held at
the Church of St. Andrew in New York City.
1912 Soviet Communist Party newspaper Pravda began
publishing.
1916 U.S. Marines invaded the Dominican Republic.
1925 John T. Scopes, a biology teacher in Dayton, TN, was
arrested for teaching Darwin's theory of evolution.
1926 Eisenstein's film "Battleship Potemkin" was shown in
Germany for the first time.
1926 Sinclair Lewis refused a 1925 Pulitzer for
"Arrowsmith."
1936 Edward Ravenscroft received a patent for the screw-on
bottle cap with a pour lip.
1945 The Netherlands and Denmark were liberated from Nazi
control.
1945 A Japanese balloon bomb exploded on Gearhart Mountain
in Oregon. A pregnant woman and five children were killed.
1955 The Federal Republic of Germany (West Germany) became
a sovereign state.
1961 Alan Shepard became the first American in space when
he made a 15 minute suborbital flight.
1984 The Itaipu Dam opened on the Paraná River between
Brazil and Paraguay.
1987 The U.S. congressional Iran-Contra hearings opened.
2017 smiled.
Thursday, May 4, 2017, 06:58 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, May 4
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Illegal alien from Dominican Republic escaped after
sentencing for murder, then killed one deputy and
injured another one.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 4 in
1493 Alexander VI divided non-Christian world
between Spain and Portugal.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Late to bed and late to wake will keep you long on
money and short on mistakes.
--- Aaron McGruder
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Annie:
Living in Washington State, my husband and I often
take car trips to Canada to visit his family. Once
when we stopped at the border, the guard asked my
husband the value of any goods we would be leaving
in Canada. My husband paused to think of the value
of the gifts we had with us.
"Never mind," the guard said, "What's the most
expensive thing in your car?"
Without hesitation, my husband replied, "My wife."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
One evening, impressed by a meat entree his wife had
prepared, the husband asked,
"What did you marinate this in?"
The wife dropped her fork and went into a long explanation
about how much she loved him and how life wouldn't be the
same without him.
She must have seen the confused look on her husbands face,
because she inquired, "What did you ask me?"
When he told her what he'd asked, the wife laughed and
said, "I thought you asked me if I would marry you again!"
Later, as she was cleaning up the kitchen, the husband
called out, "Hey, hon, WOULD you marry me again?"
Without hesitation she replied,
"Vinegar and barbecue sauce."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Wesley Correa-Carmenaty,
22,
Council Bluffs,
Iowa
Illegal alien from Dominican Republic escaped after
sentencing for murder, then killed one deputy and
injured another one.
The Pottawattamie County deputy killed by an escaped
convict has been identified as Mark Burbridge. Deputy
Burbridge is a 12-year veteran of the Pottawattamie County
Sheriff's Office. Deputy Pat Morgan, a 10 year veteran,
was also shot. He is now in stable condition at an Omaha
hospital.
The deputies were transporting two prisoners from the
courthouse and arrived at the jail when the incident
occurred. Wesley Correa Carmenaty, 22, assaulted both
deputies. Correa Carmenaty was able to take one of the
deputies' firearms and shot both deputies. Correa
Carmenaty then fled the sally port in the jail van. He
crashed through west door of the jail, and left with the
van. Phyllis Malm was at the jail visiting her brother and
heard the gunshots.
“Before the gunshots, you heard a bunch of commotion. Then
you heard somebody saying 'he’s got a gun, he’s got a gun
and then you heard four shots go off,'” Malm said. “Here
comes this van barreling out from the other side, the exit
of the garage."
At the intersection of 16th and Big Lake Road, Correa
Carmenaty stopped the van and attempted to carjack an S10
pickup. The driver, Jerry Brittan, 30, was shot once. His
injuries are not life-threatening. Correa Carmenaty
carjacked Amy Kanger, 31, near 2500 Ave. of Avenue I.
Officials said he forced her back into the Nissan. Kanger
was dropped off at 5825 N. 30th at RL Liquor in Omaha. A
pursuit ensued involving NSP, DCSO, OPD Traffic, Marshals,
Gang Unit, CBPD and Pottawattamie County deputies.
The pursuit came to an end when Correa Carmenaty
reportedly crashed near I-480 and Cuming Street. He was
taken into custody without incident. Correa Carmenaty and
two others were charged in the slaying of Anthony Walker
during a botched robbery in March 2016. Correa Carmenaty
was sentenced Monday after pleading guilty to voluntary
manslaughter, attempted murder and two counts of robbery.
County Attorney Matt Wilber said Correa Carmenaty was
sentenced 45 years in prison with mandatory of 29.5 before
parole eligibility. He had his sentencing at 10 a.m.
Monday morning. Wilber said Correa Carmenaty wasn’t
remorseful during his sentencing. He spoke through an
interpreter. Wilber said during sentencing, Correa
Carmenaty said that Walker died because he shouldn’t have
gotten involved.
Correa Carmenaty is facing additional charges of 1st
degree murder, attempted murder and kidnapping. Additional
charges are pending.
He will get free room and board for a long time.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: John E
Re: Pints
Dear Webby
Looki about British measurment's! I have what I believe
is an antique pewter tankard, no lid. In Britian it's
called a tavern pot. Hallmarked and X'ed for fine pewter.
Queen Vic. mark yada yada yada. The problem arises in
that it is stamped to a line stating "Imperial pint"
that line actually measures an american standard pint.
My Bro. outlaw laughs and states that an Imperial pint
is greater than ours. What do you in your bearded
wisdom think?
John E
From south of only one boarder.
Dear John
The US pint is indeed the same as the old Imperial pint
and is 0.83, about 4/5th of a modern UK pint.
When it comes to measurement units, Americans are
loyal subjects of the (royal) British Empire,
not of the (democratic) UK. That is why you use the
Imperial pint and not the UK pint.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
>From Annie
He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake.
My biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew.
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked him...
Like his mother used to do.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comStore Extra Measuring Cups with Ingredients
Because I bake things often, I have purchased several sets
of extra measuring cups and spoons I have found on sale
days, I put the usual measure into the container for items
like flours, sugars, leavening agents, oatmeal, etc., and
leave them there. Saves time and washing, and extra
mess because I can keep the bowls over the container
while measuring.
By Joy
Just like you have done with
coffee, oatmeal, detergent, etc. all your life.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
more brawn than brains
____________________________________________________
>From Liz
Those of us who worked at the front desk of a convention
hotel in Williamsburg, Va., Prided ourselves on making the
guests feel special. When someone arrived at reception,
credit card in hand, we would sneak a peek at it and
address him by name. Once during a particularly busy
check-in, one of our guests presented a corporate credit
card. "Welcome to Williamsburg, Mr. Bell," the desk clerk
said.
"Oh, please," the man replied, "call me Taco."
___________________________________________________
What a lot of imagination and work goes into these beautiful Chinese gardens.
A man walked into a doctor's office and the
receptionist asked him what he had.
He replied, "I got the shingles....."
She interrupted him and said, "Fill out this form and
supply your name, address, medical insurance number.
When you're done, please take a seat."
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came
out and asked him what he had.
He said, "I got the shingles...."
She too interrupted him and took down his height, weight,
and complete medical history, then said,
"Change into this gown and wait in the examining room."
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked him what he
had.
He said, "I got the shingles..."
So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an
electrocardiogram, and various other tests. Since she was
quite cute, he didn't object at all.
Then she told him to wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and asked
him what he had. He said, "I got the shingles...."
The doctor gave him a full-cavity examination,
and then said, "I just checked you out thoroughly, and I
can't find shingles anywhere. "
The man replied, "They're outside in the $20/quarter hour
delivery truck. Where do you want me to dump them?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's
News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun
for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today, on May 4
1471 In England, the Yorkists defeated the Landcastrians
at the battle of Tewkesbury in the War of the Roses.
1493 Alexander VI divided non-Christian world between
Spain and Portugal.
1626 Dutch explorer Peter Minuit landed on Manhattan
Island. Native Americans later sold the island (20,000
acres) for $24 in cloth and buttons.
1715 A French manufacturer debuted the first folding
umbrella.
1776 Rhode Island declared its freedom from England two
months before the Declaration of Independence was adopted.
1814 Napoleon Bonaparte disembarked at Portoferraio on the
island of Elba in the Mediterranean.
1863 The Battle of Chancellorsville ended when the Union
Army retreated.
1886 A bomb exploded on the fourth day of a workers'
strike in Chicago, IL. Eight people died in the violence
during violence that day.
1886 Chichester Bell and Charles S. Tainter patented the
gramophone. It was the first practical phonograph.
1904 The U.S. formally took control of the property for
construction of the Panama Canal.
1905 Belmont Park opened in suburban Long Island. It
opened as the largest race track in the world.
1916 Germany agreed to limit its submarine warfare after a
demand from U.S. President Wilson.
1942 The Battle of the Coral Sea commenced as American and
Japanese carriers launched their attacks at each other.
1942 The United States began food rationing.
1970 The Ohio National Guardsmen opened fire on students
during an anti-Vietnam war protest at Kent State
University. Four students were killed and nine others were
wounded.
1979 Margaret Thatcher became Britain's first woman prime
minister.
1981 The Federal Reserve Board raised its discount rate to
14%.
1987 Live models were used for the first time in Playtex
bra ads.
1994 Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin and PLO leader
Yasser Arafat signed a historic accord on Palestinian
autonomy that granted self-rule in the Gaza Strip and
Jericho.
2000 The citizens of London elected their mayor for the
first time.
2003 Idaho Gem was born. He was the first member of the
horse family to be cloned.
2010 Pablo Picasso's "Nude, Green Leaves and Bust" sold
for $106.5 million.
2012 In Las Vegas, NV, Google received the first self-
driving vehicle testing license.
2017 smiled.
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Tech Support Pits: Re: Not getting a subscription
... not getting my subscription newsletters, not just the Humor Letter, but
others too. I can't re-sub- scribe because I am still on the list....
Dear Friends, If you are on the list, then the subscriptions are sent out
TOWARDS you. If you don't see them, then either you or your ISP are blocking
them.
Complaining to me won't fix your or your ISP's spam block. Check your spam
control program and, if necessary, white-list the missing subscription or
declare it as friendly. If your spam control program is OK, contact your
ISP.
If you are using one of those address collectors that pretend to be email
verification programs, but ask for people to fill out all kinds of information,
forget it!
NO newsletter send program will even click on a verification link, never
mind filling out some silly junkmail order form. If you want a newsletter,
it is up to YOU, to make sure that you are not blocking it.
The Humor Letter is no exception, except that you can still read it here,
on-line, at http://webby.com/humor,
even if you are blocking it in the mail.
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