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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, November 6

Remember to set back your manual clocks. 
It is winter time again.

If you got frantic emails about next Wednesday's Emergency 
System Test, simmer down. It's just the TV version of the 
tornado siren test, and no terrorists are going to time their
nefarious actions for that time. They are probably confused 
by the time change, and probably wondering if they should
side with or against the Flea-Baggers, that seem to get
priority in the media these days.

At first Obama was in favor of the Flea-Baggers, since they
seemed to be the opposite of the Tea-Baggers and Sarah and
Donald and all those nasty people, who are badmouthing him.
However, since they refuse to come up with a Manifesto and
just recycle the "Down with the establishment" slogans of the
60's riots in Chicago, and the French Revolution a bit earlier,
He doesn't know how to deal with them. 

To Obama's credit, until they come up with a consistent goal
or Manifesto, nobody else seems to know how to deal with the 
Flea-Baggers either.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"Science fiction writers foresee the inevitable, and although problems and catastrophes may be inevitable, solutions are not." --- Isaac Asimov The true test of character is not how much we know how to do, but how we behave when we don't know what to do. --- John Holt By all means marry: If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. --- Socrates
Three guys met in a bar and spent the afternoon drinking and telling stories. Finally, as evening approached, they realized that it was time to go. So they signaled the bartender and told him they wanted to pay their tab. The bartender left and returned, saying the total bar bill was $3.00. "Three dollars," they gasped, and one said, "Surely you must be wrong, it has to be more than $3.00, we've been here all afternoon. We must have had 10 beers apiece." "That's right" said the bartender, "thirty beers at ten cent's apiece, that's $3.00." The men were amazed that the beer was so cheap, but the bartender went on to explain, "You see," he said, "I won the lottery and I wanted to open a bar where folks could come and drink for a reasonable price and have fun. So I use my lottery winnings to subsidize the cost, that's why drinks are so cheap." The men nodded, but one of them asked the bartender, "Those two guys over there, they've been here for two hours and they haven't had anything to drink, what's going on?" "Oh those guys" the bartender replied, "they're Scots, they're waiting for happy hour."
YOU can do it! Make Money By Giving Away The Best Membership Software. Make 50% On All Product & Membership Sales. Super Easy To Make Money Because All You Have To Do Is Give Away Our Free Software. This Is A Massive Opportunity Of Making big bucks Every Month. CAUTION: You have to actually do it, not just envy those, who do it! It is a very low investment, and easy to do. YOU can do it!

Thanks to Flo for this one: Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married." "Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty hot too!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Mary K. Wells, 47 Woman hits hubby with car, and stuff Police said an Oxford woman hit her husband with her car, among other things, at his workplace Monday. According to Iowa City police criminal complaints, 47-year-old Mary K. Wells went to her husband’s workplace in Iowa City at 9:15 p.m. Monday and found him there with an unidentified female client. Police said Wells hit her husband in the face, tore his shirt and hit him in the face with a rubber hose. Police said Wells hit the other woman in the face and pulled her hair. She also threw a quart of oil at her, striking her in the leg, police said. Wells also allegedly drove her car toward another car, missing it by inches, but did not miss her husband, who was standing. Police said Wells’ husband was knocked to the ground but was not injured in the ramming. He had sufferedf bruises and scrapes on the face and neck from the metal fittings on the rubber hose, that she hit him with. Wells brought her two children, 12 and 15 years old, with her and they witnessed the attack, police said. Iowa City Police Sgt. Denise Brotherton said Mary K Wells fled the scene. Johnson County Sheriff’s Office deputies were dispatched to her home but were unable to locate her, Brotherton said. A warrant was issued for her arrest and records show she was booked at 7:04 a.m. Wednesday at the jail. It is unclear whether Wells was arrested by another agency or turned herself in to authorities. Wells is being charged with first-degree domestic assault causing injury, a serious misdemeanor; assault, a serious misdemeanor; and child endangerment causing no injury, an aggravated misdemeanor. She is being held at the Johnson County Jail on a $7,500 cash bond.
Tech Support Pits: From Rob Re: Picture File Format Dear Webby, Which picture file format is best for route maps for our orienteering club ? The master map stays the same, but the event maps change every week. Each individual group gets a map that has the only the trails, that they have to take, whith all other trails blanked out. We make six maps per event and each group draws one of the six variations. That gives you an idea of how much the picture gets changed. Over the years it has become so frazzled that it is getting difficult to interprete and we have to keep drawing new master maps. Is there a picture file format that would be more suitable? Thanks Rob Dear Rob Don't use JPG for that, it degrades each time you save it. Use GIF or PNG for that. When you draw the master map, use edged lines. Then cut a fine separation line next to each trail junction. Reduce the colors to 16 and save it as a GIF or PNG. Write-protect that file so that it can not be overwritten and only copied.. For each variation just take a copy off the master and use the flood fill tool to fill unused sections of the trail with the background color. It will hide the trail all the way to the next separation line at the next junction. The edging of the line will still be there for a future filling, but the participants know, that if the trail does not have THEIR color, then they won't find THEIR tokens on that route. GIF pictures don't have the same color depth as JPG, but they are usable on the web and they don't degrade. They also print and fax with sharp and clear edges on even the cheapest printers or fax machines. PNG can show very sharp details, similar to JPG, but does not degrade from saving. Have FUN! DearWebby
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An American tourist in Tel Aviv was about to enter the impressive Mann Auditorium to take in a concert by the Israel Philharmonic. He was admiring the unique architecture, the sweeping lines of the entrance, and the modern decor throughout the building. Finally he turned to his escort and asked if the building was named for Thomas Mann, the world-famous author. "No," his friend said, "it's named for Fredric Mann, from Philadelphia." "Really? I never heard of him. What did he write?" "A check."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clean Bathtub with Powdered Dish Detergent When your bathtub gets really grimy looking and the bathroom cleaners don't seem to be working, try a scrubby sponge and a bit of powder dish washer soap. It doesn't scratch, but it will get things super clean. By Lynn from WV http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The following ad is reported to have gotten numerous calls... SINGLE BLACK FEMALE... Seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a good looking female who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call xxx-xxxx and ask for Daisy." Callers found themselves talking to the local Humane Society about an eight-week-old black Lab.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
John came from San Francisco to Depoe Bay and asked a native, "Say, is this really a healthful place?" "It sure is," the native replied. "When I came here I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room, and I had to be lifted out of bed." "That's wonderful!" said John. "How long have you been here?" "I was born here."

» Over The Hill (calorie free)







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Ideal picture background 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, November 5

Thanks David!

Now Belgium, which is still trying to get organized, after 
it's government collapsed in 2010, announced it will phase 
out nuclear powerplants. Not right away, but like Germany,
after three to five elections, or like Obama promised, that 
the deficit and debt will be reduced by some future government,
who will hopefully figure those things out, and get yelled at
for trying to pay for today's mistakes.

Because Big Oil paid the media to use Fukushima to scare 
the sheep, it is fashionable among politicians to bitch about
nuclear power plants. Sure, the Fukushima plants were Govt
spec plants, and satisfied politicians a lot more than the 
engineers. However, those old Fukushima plants fared actually 
quite well. 

The engineers pointed out, that it was a really dumb idea 
to rely on long over-land power lines to supply emergency 
power, instead of a few big Diesels in the basement.
They also pointed out, that so close to the ocean, it was 
really stupid to put pools on top of the roof to keep the
half used fuel rods wet, and use power from other,
far away plants, to pump water up there. Why not dig a hole,
and let the ocean keep it filled, instread of using expensive 
pumps made in some politician's riding?

Does that sound familiar? Yes, same crap goes on in 
every country.

They could have stoped procrastinating, and sent the half 
used fuel rods to South Korea or China for re-processing! 
Japan has long ago decided that 1 Billion Dollar a piece 
nuclear bombs are not cost effective, and they haven't got 
a breeder reactor anyway, so why keep the stuff?

Nuclear powerplants are actually quite safe, if done right,
and kept as up-to-date as the oil fired plants. And they
don't mess up the air with soot and ash and make photos
less sharp, than they could be.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"The herd instinct among forecasters makes sheep look like independent thinkers." --- Edgar R. Fiedler Election promises are the opposite of forecasts. --- DW
Q: What's the difference between an English actuary and a Sicilian actuary? A: An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year. A Sicilian actuary can give you their names.
YOU can do it! Make Money By Giving Away The Best Membership Software. Make 50% On All Product & Membership Sales. Super Easy To Make Money Because All You Have To Do Is Give Away Our Free Software. This Is A Massive Opportunity Of Making big bucks Every Month. CAUTION: You have to actually do it, not just envy those, who do it! It is a very low investment, and easy to do. YOU can do it!

You probably know that MADD is the group that calls itself Mothers Against Drunk Driving. Now There is also DAM Mothers Against Dylsexia
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Antonio Santiago, 26 Stolen cellphone rings in thief's pocket A Hoboken man was denying knowledge of a stolen cellphone before it rang in his pocket, police said. At 7 a.m. today, a 55-year-old man said his cellphone and charger were stolen while he was asleep at Hoboken Terminal, reports said. He saw the man he believed stole the phone sitting inside McDonalds, 234 Washington St., and told police who reported to the scene, reports said. Antonio Santiago, 26, of Bloomfield Street, told police he did not take the phone, reports said. When police called the victim's cell phone, it rang in Santiago's right coat pocket, reports said. When Santiago pulled out the phone and its charger from his coat, the victim positively identified the items, reports said. A police pat-down revealed that Santiago also had three small, clear plastic bags of suspected marijuana, reports said. Santiago was charged with theft and possession of 50 grams or less of marijuana, reports said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From Jackie Re: more picture background Dear Webby, I was looking through old Humor Letters searching for something and came across some bad advice you gave. You are wrong about the color of a picture backdrop. As any professional knows, it should be white so as to throw more light and even onto the object. Jackie Dear Jackie Digital cameras have become quite affordable. Why don't you save up for one and try it out yourself ? You will find that a white backdrop reduces contrast and makes pictures appear flat and washed out. With digital cameras, and prettier subjects, you can go for a lot more contrast than what they taught you 70 years ago. Also, with a white backdrop you lose control of the lighting. Even if you have proper lighting from slightly above and to the side of the camera, the picture will be even more "dead" than if you had used an in-camera flash. Very unprofessional! In addition to that, an edge bleed to white is considerably wider than an edge bleed to black. Getting rid of a light halo is a time wasting nuisance, whereas a thin, dark edge bleed helps to make the object stand out almost like a drop- shadow and appear much livelier. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Tony went to the doctor and told him that his hearing had deteriorated so bad that he couldn't even hear himself fart. The doctor gave Tony some pills. Tony asked him, "Will these make me hear better?" Doc replied, "No, but they will make you fart louder."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Laundry Detergent Caps For Bathroom Cups The house I live in does laundry a lot. And they didn't recycle until I showed them the error of their ways. So, instead of tossing the laundry detergent caps in the bin, I put them to good use. Here is an example of the things you can do with these wonderful lids! By Poor But Proud from Sweet Home, OR http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
"What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed. "Well, I went down to Busch Gardens on vacation and decided to take a ride on the Loch Ness Monster... As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view." "And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor. "Yes," he said sheepishly, "Remain seated at all times!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Vinnie for this: My husband and I decided to take our two children, then ages seven and three, to our favorite "adult" restaurant for the first time. The younger child refused to stay in her seat and danced around our table. Her sister, tears rolling down her face, laughed loudly at the three-year-old's antics and pounded the table, making cutlery and dishes jump. Beet-red with embarrassment, my husband warned them through clenched teeth, "If you don't start behaving, you'll NEVER eat out with us again!" The man at the next table leaned over to his wife. "Look dear," he said. "Quality time!"

» Making an avalanche







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Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, November 4
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thanks to Kathie for this:
I've been using eFax http://www.efax.com/ for years now 
without a bit of trouble and I haven't had a land line phone 
for the same amount of time-just a cell phone. They started 
out a free service but now I think they only have paid plans. 
Faxes are sent and received via email. You have your "own"
fax number.

Its a lot cheaper than keeping a land line phone ($16.95 a month 
for under 150 faxes).

Kathie In a very windy Montana

-------------------------

Thanks to Gordon for sending the IE9 blocker!
IE9 is indeed quite a nuisance, especially if you only use
IE for occasionally checking if some snooty lamer's site
might work in IE but not in the fast browsers.

Personally, I don't bother. If a site does not work in
FireFox or Chrome, then I won't waste my time on it.
And if a link in email tries to start up IE, that email gets
dumped and shredded instantly.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in. --- Arlo Guthrie
SIXTEEN STEPS TO BUILD A CAMPFIRE Southerner Style 1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers. 2. Bandage left thumb. 3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments 4. Bandage left foot. 5. Make structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand) 6. Light Match 7. Light Match 8. Repeat "a Scout is cheerful" and light match. 9. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base of fire. 10. Apply burn ointment to nose. 11. When fire is burning, collect more wood. 12. Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out searching for more wood, soak wood from can labeled 'kerosene'. 13. Treat face and arms for second-degree burns. 14. Re-label can to read 'gasoline'. 15. When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood. 16. When thunder storm has passed, repeat steps. Arctic Bushman Style 1) Collect the tiny, dry twiglets low on trees and stuff them into an inside pocket half an hour before stopping. 2) Start digging a hole in the snow with enough enthusiasm, so that the dogs will take over and finish. 3) Collect dry branches and dead trees and pile them up in the cleared hole. 4) Warm up the hands by scratching the belly of one of the dogs. 5) Place the thawed and crushed kindling from the inside pocket under the upwind side of the wood pile and use the thawed hand to light it with the lighter. 6) Get the dogs to help dragging a few dead trees close to the fire. 7) Cook supper.. That method has worked fine for me many hundreds of times, when I lived in the arctic bush. The real secret is the warm kindling in the inside pocket. It catches a lot easier than the -40 degree stuff.
YOU can do it! Make Money By Giving Away The Best Membership Software. Make 50% On All Product & Membership Sales. Super Easy To Make Money Because All You Have To Do Is Give Away Our Free Software. This Is A Massive Opportunity Of Making big bucks Every Month. CAUTION: You have to actually do it, not just envy those, who do it! It is a very low investment, and easy to do. YOU can do it!

Thanks to Francine for this: It was moving day. The previous owners were going to finish moving out that morning, and we were going to start moving in that afternoon. We showed up just as they were finishing up, around lunchtime. The couple was sitting down for a breather before they left. The wife suggested to her husband that they go to McDonald's for lunch. She told us with guilty pleasure, "I know it's not good for me, but I just love burgers and fries." Her husband had a somewhat disgusted look on his face. He told us, in all seriousness, "Not me. I'm a meat and potatoes man."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Rashawn Mallory, 21, and Ernest Barnett, 22 Armed robbers jailed after they took meatball sub YEADON, Pa. (UPI) -- Police in Pennsylvania said they arrested a group of armed robbers accused of stealing a 13-year-old's $5.50 meatball sub. Investigators said the teenager was walking home from the deli with his sandwich Saturday evening in Yeadon when two men, identified as Rashawn Mallory, 21, and Ernest Barnett, 22, exited a black Ford Expedition, brandished a black revolver and ordered the victim not to move, The Delaware County Daily Times reported Wednesday. Police said the two men searched the boy and left with his sandwich when they found nothing of value. However, they left the teenager's cellphone, which he used to call police and give descriptions of the suspects and their vehicle. Police located the vehicle, where the sandwich was found still in the wrapper. Mallory and Barnett were charged with robbery, theft, receiving stolen property, recklessly endangering another person and simple assault. Mallory was also charged with making terroristic threats and firearms not to be carried without a license. Two other men in the vehicle with the suspects, Antray Graves Jr., 20, and Rainey Smith, 21, were charged with criminal conspiracy to commit robbery theft, and receiving stolen property.
From the Tech Support Pits: From Gordon Re: IE9 Blocker Dear Webby Here is one to add to your toolbox IE 9 Blocker http://www.microsoft.com/download/en/de ... spx?id=179 Save and Run. When it asks you where to expand it to, choose C:\WINDOWS For Vista / Windows 7 Click On Start > All Programs > Accessories > Command Prompt - Right click and Run as Administrator For XP: Click on Start > RUN and type cmd and hit Enter In the scary black screen that you get, type cd c:\windows hit Enter, then type: IE9_Blocker.cmd /B hit Enter That should do the trick. After it finishes, you can type EXIT hit Enter to close the scary black screen. Comfirmed working. Gordon Dear Gordon Thanks, Got it added. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Mrs. Goldfarb was shopping at a produce stand in her neighborhood. She approached the vendor and asked, "How much are these oranges?" "Two for a quarter," answered the vendor. "How much is just one?" she asked. "Fifteen cents," answered the vendor. "Then I'll take the other one," said Mrs Goldfarb
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Your Leaves As Winter Mulch Have you mulched your leaves yet? After spending years raking up those fall leaves, I got pretty tired of having a second set of leaves fall from the Oak trees. I decided to make short work of the job by using my mulch mower and ran the mower over the leaves, which mulched them all and enriched my lawn happily at the same time. The lawn may not be as neat and tidy, but it sure will be happy having all that extra fertilizer on it, and it will be even happier next spring, and so too will you! Go mulch those leaves! Source: Gardeners around the globe By Kghornsten from Davis, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An elderly lady just ahead of me at a recent art show was looking at a painting with an ugly mish-mash of colors and turned to me and asked, "What's that?" I said, "According to the program flier, it's supposed to be a cowboy on his horse." "Supposed to be!", she sneered. "And whoever signed it, is 'supposed to be' a painter?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and an old gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week and the couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop: "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer". He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were off! About a month later the little old lady came in to his shop. "And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly. "The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"

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Faxing without a phone line 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, November 3

Yes, I agree, it is quite amazing, that those cops in Ohio
didn't do anything to shut up that cursing bimbo. Let's hope
that this time she won't get off with easy plea bargaining.
That obviously did not work.

Today's bonehead seems to be headed in the same direction,
and is also using foul language instead of brains.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip. --- Will Rogers
Thanks to Bess for this: I was at a stop light, behind a car with a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus." I honked. The driver leaned out his window, flipped me the bird, and yelled "Can't you see the light is still red, you moron?" So I shifted to PARK, stomped the gas and hit the button, that my grandson had installed under the dash. The air comressor still almost stalled the engine, but the glorious blast of the triple trumpet train horns was worth it!
YOU can do it! Make Money By Giving Away The Best Membership Software. Make 50% On All Product & Membership Sales. Super Easy To Make Money Because All You Have To Do Is Give Away Our Free Software. This Is A Massive Opportunity Of Making big bucks Every Month. CAUTION: You have to actually do it, not just envy those, who do it! It is a very low investment, and easy to do. YOU can do it!

Thanks to Fran for this: We had a power outage during a thunderstorm. As we peered from our dark cubicles to the outside world, my director commented that it looked like power was out for miles, since the office buildings as far as we could see were also dark. Our temp admin said, and I quote: "Can't be too far, that plane has lights!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Girl, 9, Facing Four Felonies For Wild School Bus Tantrum, Battering Sheriff's Deputy A nine-year-old Florida girl is facing four felony charges after she allegedly threw a tantrum yesterday on a school bus, spit on the driver, threw rocks at the bus, and tossed a patio chair at a cop, who she warned, “I will fuckin kill you!” The child, a fourth grader at the Royal Palm School in Fort Myers, was traveling home when the driver told her to stop eating candy on the bus. The girl “became very upset” and started yelling obscenities at driver Robert Middleton, according to a Lee County Sheriff’s Office report. After threatening to strike other children on the bus, the girl jumped off the bus (but not before spitting on Middleton). She then allegedly started throwing pieces of asphalt at the bus. When a sheriff’s deputy arrived on the scene and ordered the child to stop throwing the asphalt, she replied, “Fuck you! Fuck you! Shut the fuck up. I will fuckin kill you.” After warning that she would hurt him, the child “picked up an aluminum patio chair and threw it at me,” reported a deputy. After blocking the chair with his arm, the cop restrained the child, who then “attempted to bite my arm and said, ‘I am going to kill you, get off of me!” The pint-sized terror was charged with battery on a public school employee, resisting arrest with violence, battery on a law enforcement officer, and throwing a deadly missile into an occupied vehicle. The girl was released into her parents's custody last night and placed on home detention for 21 days.
From the Tech Support Pits: From Fred Re: Faxing without a phone number Dear Webby If we can "fax" from our computer, why can't we "fax" without a "phone number" on our end? There must be a way to "fax" from computer to computer, where e-mail isn't viable. Is it just a case of the technology is out there, but the phone companies are holding us hostage? I currently make hard copies and have a friend with a "fax" line send for me. Mary In NW Georgia, USA Dear Mary If both the sender and the recipient have Internet, then you can just send email and attach any document or picture. If the recipient does not have Internet, just a fax machine, then you have to send to that fax machine. You can use the fax modem, that is built into the motherboard on your computer, and send the fax down the regular phone line. It uses the same phone line, that you got connected for dial-up to use on those days, when the DSL does not work, or not work well. There are many fax programs, that you can choose from, most of them are free. With them you just pay for the long distance charges. There are others, that have a monthly fee, that use the Internet to get as close as possible to the recipient, and then fax from there, if possible at local rates. If you just send half a dozen faxes per year, just pay for he long distance. If you do fax a lot, use one of the monthly plans, that use the Internet to get close, and then fax locally. You have to get down from the cloud and into the phone network somehow. Those plans also work if you don't have a phone connection at all, just Internet via cable or fiber. However, most of those have a phone socket, to connect your house phone system to the modem. Then you can connect from the house phone system to the dial-up modem socket on your computer. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Wow doc, exactly what's my problem?" The doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shelf Liner for Wobbly Sewing Machine Another use for rubber shelf liner is to place a scrap piece under your sewing machine. This is handy and keeps my sewing machine from moving while I'm using it. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. That student got back his test and $64 change.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A Texan is bragging to a Rhode Islander. "In Texas," he drawls, "you can get on a train, ride all day long, and still be in Texas by nightfall." "Yeah", replies the Yankee, "Our trains are a lot faster than that."

» Cute Critters







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Can you run DSL and Fax on the same phone line? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, November 2

Remember that bonehead award a couple of days ago, for a 
drunk, half naked Ohio mother of three kids, who led police 
on a high speed chase and had to be stopped with spikes?

She got on tape with a half hour vile abuse rant against the 
arresting officer. She called him “nigger” at least 15 times, 
according to the NSFW clip. She also repeatedly called the cop 
a “bitch” and said he was “stupid as fuck.” All at very high
volume and a hate-filled voice. 

She had been driving drunk on a suspended license,
and was actually wearing an ankle bracelet that monitors 
alcohol intake, when she was nabbed by Bainbridge cops.
Her rap sheet includes two prior DUI collars.

Sounds like punishment for previous incidents was not 
sufficient for her to smarten up. It is drunks like her, who
are the reason for "Three times and you are out for life"
laws, that are gradually spreading from California to
other states.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
Yep, bin Laden & Muammar Gaddafi are dead There is finally conclusive evidence that Osama bin Laden and Muammar Gaddafi are dead. Yesterday, they both registered to vote in Chicago.
YOU can do it! Make Money By Giving Away The Best Membership Software. Make 50% On All Product & Membership Sales. Super Easy To Make Money Because All You Have To Do Is Give Away Our Free Software. This Is A Massive Opportunity Of Making big bucks Every Month. CAUTION: You have to actually do it, not just envy those, who do it! It is a very low investment, and easy to do. YOU can do it!

In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged Caumeneur." The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular, wine, but was used to the infusion of French words into the local vocabulary. "Could you please spell that?" she asked. "You know," said the woman impatiently, "C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Karen henry, 45 in Palm Coast, Florida Woman Attacks Dad for Not Giving Her Potato Salad PALM COAST, Fla (CBS Tampa) — A Florida woman was arrested after allegedly attacking her father because he wouldn’t give her his potato salad. Flagler County authorities charged Karen Henry with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon for the Oct. 22 incident. According to police reports obtained by CBS Tampa, Henry became enraged when her 80-year-old father told her that she could not have his potato salad while he was eating dinner. Karen became very angry that she could not have the potato salad and began throwing and breaking items,” a report obtained by The Daytona Beach News-Journal states. “[She] then grabbed a large kitchen knife and began threatening [her father] with it.” According to the report, the elderly man grabbed a chair to defend himself so he could call authorities. Police say that while they were transporting Henry, she began complaining of abdominal pain. After her treatment at Florida Hospital Flagler, deputies overheard her on the phone asking her father to drop the charges. Another charge of tampering with a victim was added against her. She was then transported to the Flagler County Inmate Facility. She is being held there without bail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From Fred Re: DSL and Fax Dear Webby Can I run a fax machine on the same line as the DSL ? Thanks Fred Dear Fred Certainly! DSL or ADSL is just a very high frequency "fuzz" put onto the voice frequency phone line. Imagine a picture of a sine wave that is a bit fuzzy. The sine wave is still perfectly recognizable, and the fuzz can be cleaned off by the phone or fax machine with the same filter that cleans up the power line hum and static. The DSL filter does the opposite. It dumps the slow, voice and fax frequency stuff, and only passes through the very high frequency "fuzz". To the DSL modem, only the high frequency is usable data, and it sends it on to the computer's newtwork card. The phone or the fax machine don't care what the DSL modem does, and the DSL modem does not see or hear any of the phone stuff. Phones ringing, fax machines beeping or sending is the same to it as static is totally ignored by the DSL modem. The DSL splitter will give you two lines, one to the DSL modem, and one to phones, fax and the phone line modem built into the computer. You can use that phone line modem to dial up the old-fashioned way, when your fancy DSL fails. You do that with the built in, internal modem. That same built in internal modem also allows you to use WinFax or any computer based fax program to "print" to somebody else's fax machine. You pay long distance charges, the same as if you used a stand-alone fax machine, without actually having to buy a fax machine. That uses the phone side of the split phone line. The DSL modem uses the high frequency side of the split phone line. There is no conflict at all. Have FUN! DearWebby
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My sister gave me a 13" TV for my birthday. She had gotten it for free when she bought a used console TV for the living room. The original owners said they didn't use the 13" TV much because it would shut off after a while. After checking out the on-screen menu features, I found there was a sleep timer set for 90 minutes!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shelf Liner for Wobbly Sewing Machine Another use for rubber shelf liner is to place a scrap piece under your sewing machine. This is handy and keeps my sewing machine from moving while I'm using it. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Recently a "Husband Shopping Centre" opened in Booragoon, where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended. The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; If you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some husbands... First floor. The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went. Second floor. The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." Hmmm, said the ladies. But, I wonder what's further up? Third floor. This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." Wow! said the women. Very tempting, BUT, there's more further up! And up they went. Fourth floor. This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me. But just think! What must be awaiting us further on!" So up to the fifth floor they went. Fifth floor. The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please!" Recently a "Husband Shopping Centre" opened in Booragoon, where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended. The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; If you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some husbands... First floor. The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went. Second floor. The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." Hmmm, said the ladies. But, I wonder what's further up? Third floor. This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." Wow! said the women. Very tempting, BUT, there's more further up! And up they went. Fourth floor. This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me. But just think! What must be awaiting us further on!" So up to the fifth floor they went. Fifth floor. The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove a point." Across the street was a Women Store. The first floor was labeled: "These women have adequate size boobs, never say no, are loyal and decent cooks." Nobody knows what is on the upper floors. It seems, men are always too hungry to worry about those floors.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Tired of having to balance his wife Cindy's checkbook, Mike made a deal with her; he would look at it, but only after she had spent a few hours trying to wrestle it into shape. The following night, after spending hours poring over stubs and figures, Cindy said proudly, "I've done it! I made it balance!" Impressed, Mike came over to take a look. "Let's see... mortgage 550.00, electricity 70.50, phone 35.00." His brow wrinkled as he read the last entry. "It says here ESP, $615. What the heck is that?" "Oh," she said, "That means, Error Some Place!"

» Skyscraper City







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Noise cancelling ear phones 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, November 1

Already got two additions for the list of tunes.
I will post an update once a month, and probably make a 
fixed look-up page linked from the side menu.

If you come across a better version of any of the tunes
listed, don't be shy and send it to me! With many of them,
people had just suggested the titles and I had to find an
example. I have a hunch, in a lot of instances, I did not
luck into the best possible version.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Don't just count your years, make your years count. --- Ernest Meyers
My friend called his car insurance company to tell them to change his address from Texas to Vermont. The woman who took the call asked where Vermont was. As he tried to explain, she interrupted and said, "Look, I'm not stupid or anything, just tell me what state it's in."
YOU can do it! Make Money By Giving Away The Best Membership Software. Make 50% On All Product & Membership Sales. Super Easy To Make Money Because All You Have To Do Is Give Away Our Free Software. This Is A Massive Opportunity Of Making big bucks Every Month. CAUTION: You have to actually do it, not just envy those, who do it! It is a very low investment, and easy to do. YOU can do it!

A Sunday school teacher was trying to teach her class about the difference between right and wrong. "All right children, let's take another example," she said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take all his money, what would I be?" Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile, he blurts out, "You'd be his wife!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Amanda Confer, 24 and Randell Peterson, 32 Couple Faces Criminal Raps For Sex On City Bus OCTOBER 25--A Pennsylvania couple is facing an assortment of criminal charges for having sex on a city bus, carnal activity that was captured by the vehicle’s surveillance camera. According to a police criminal complaint, Amanda Confer, 24, boarded the bus on a Friday afternoon in late-August. She was “accompanied by her infant daughter,” a detective reported. Also riding the bus through Montoursville that day were “Pre-release inmates” Randell Peterson and Joshua Schill. The men were part of a work release program that allows inmates to come and go from the county jail at specified times. Investigators allege that Confer and Peterson, 32, sat next to each other in the rear of the bus, with Schill sitting in front of them. Before the illicit action commenced, however, Confer “turned over her infant daughter” to Schill, who apparently served as babysitter/lookout during the subsequent rendezvous. In short order, Confer and Peterson (pictured in the above mug shots) moved from hugging and kissing to oral sex (which was provided by Confer). “After a couple of minutes of oral sex,” Detective Alberto Diaz reported, Confer “lowered her underwear” and, “upon sitting on” Peterson’s lap, “both defendants proceeded to have sexual intercourse for several minutes.” Shortly after the tryst ended, Peterson and Schill exited the bus together, while Confer continued to ride on with her daughter. No humans noticed that day, but since the “aforementioned acts were captured by surveillance equipment,” investigators were able to identify Confer and Peterson as suspects. In an interview late last month with a Lycoming County detective, Confer copped to the bus sex. During a September 30 interview at the county jail, Peterson also confessed to the illegal automotive interlude. Confer and Peterson were charged earlier this month with conspiracy, indecent exposure, open lewdness, and disorderly conduct. They are scheduled for a November 4 preliminary hearing in Magisterial District Court. On her Facebook page, Confer refers to herself as “Randel’s Wifey.” ---------- They should have used a blanket or curtain, so as not to make the video inspector blush!
From the Tech Support Pits: From Manda Re: noise cancelling earphones Dear Webby, I took the advice you gave to Ellen, and raised a ruckus at the computer store. I had already bought a standard monitor, after you sent me to PriceGrabber a few months ago, and still had the print-outs. The monitor I got turned out to be even better than the print-outs, and I am quite happy with it. I feel sorry for all the sheep, who paid good money for the rejects, that were sold as "wide screen". So, since I had a bone to pick with them about something else, I called them a bunch of @#$% Liars and slapped down my print-outs. You made my day, SIR! The sawed off sheep monitors might be OK for Farmville and short emails, but are a useless nuisance for serious work. I am sure glad we got you to protect us from the con artists! Now I have a question about head sets. What is the straight scoop about "noise cancelling earphones"? Thanks Manda Dear Manda In theory, noise cancelling head sets subtract ambient noise electronically from what the microphone picks up. In reality, unless you buy an outrageously priced DJ set, you get a bit of messy leakage through a cross-over resistor in the in-line volume control gadget, and some foam cover on the microphone. Plus fancy wordage in the advertising, of course. Since the in-line volume control usually stops working after a year or less, and needs to get bypassed, you have an excellent opportunity to hear how little effect that cross-over leakage had in eliminating ambient noise. The same goes for the foam cover of the microphone. When it wears out or gets lost, just replace it with a finger fo a knit kid's glove. Chances are, it does a better job than the original foam. When selecting headsets, look for large, comfortable ear pieces, preferably with fine leather or satin covered cups. Foam or velvet will feel uncomfortable a lot quicker. As long as the cups are large and comfortable, you will cheerfully put up with other imperfections, but if they are not comfortable, you will get very critical very quickly. Have FUN! DearWebby
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One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller; You don't love me any more..." "Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you just cook a lot better now."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Smash Nuts for Baking Do you ever need finely crushed nuts in your recipe, but only have whole walnuts in your cupboard? No problem! An easy way I discovered to crush the nuts is to place them on a large sheet of wax paper, fold the wax paper over the top of the nuts and use a rolling pin to crush the nuts, pushing down and rolling. No mess, no fuss, and easy! By Linn from Dartmouth, Nova Scotia http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The teen-aged beauty was telling a friend that she was really worried about her mother. It seems she's always fatigued from staying up all night long. Her friend asked, "What's she doing staying up all night? At her age, that's not good at all." The girl replied, "Waiting for me to come home."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Tech Support: "OK, Jose, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Programs." Jose: "I don't have a 'P'." Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Jose." Jose: "What do you mean?" Tech Support: "'P', on your keyboard, Jose." Jose: "I'm not going to do that!" Tech Support: "Jose, I'm going to have to put you on hold for a bit. One of the other techs here needs to have an emergency hernia transplant."

» Pooch Parade







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Ponderables 

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day.
Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks and months.

Some people are like a Slinky-not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you $800, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30?

In the ‘60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Don't worry about old age -- it doesn't last that long.




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Some Halloween Limericks 

Wanda the witch, on her broom
swept through the town yelling "ZOOM!"
through a perchance of luck
never heard the big truck
and she zoomed on her broom to her doom.


"Gentlemen please, all be seated,
I don't want this to be repeated,
I've gathered you here
to announce, with a tear:
I've never once been trick or treated!"


A Halloween bash in my street
was a night that will never repeat
the spirits that come
were tequila and rum
and I ended up drunk on my feet!


A werewolf was skinny, a freak
with a huge gummy grin he did speak
so, never eat French
coz, as well as the stench
your teeth will fall out in a week!


I'm sorry, I know it's my fault
my Halloween sins I should halt
but the neighbours' kids here
pissed me off for a year
so I laced all their candy with salt!


Dracula wailed to the sky
"My job really sucks" was his cry
"bloody paychecks
and I'm so sick of necks
what I'd like is a nice apple pie!"


An Egyptian prince was a dummy
drank too much, became a rummy
when the grim reaper came
and called out his name
he cried and he wailed for his Mummy!


Yesterday I met a priest
he was sitting enjoying a feast
when I questioned his conscience
he said "stuff and nonsense"
and gave me the sign of the beast.


Folks who hate folks make me grin
they're such lovely people within
we don't need walpurgis
the truth it should urge us
we're all skeletons, covered with skin.


Tricking and treating's a prank
but somebody really should thank
the Gods for the candy
to dentists it's dandy
they laugh all the way to the bank!




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Relaxing Music poll results 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, October 31

Happy Halloween!
Leave some of the candy for the monsters!


OK, here, as promised, is the music suggested by subscribers.
Even the very worst one, if there actually IS a worst one,
is a thousand times better than the moronic screeching produced
by the British "scientists". They got about as close as they did
with their Gullible Warming insanity.

OK, here is the list, alphabetically:
Music                           Suggested by
1		Acker Bilk		-	Mare
2		Acker Bilk, On the Shore		-	Hanna
3		Aeoliah's "Angel Love"		-	Jim
4		Andra Bocelli et sa fille-Abad		-	Funk
5		Bach:  Toccata & Fugue in D minor, S. 565		-	Ric
6		Bach: Cantata, BWV 147, Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring		-	Margee
7		Bach: Toccata & Fugue in F major, S. 540		-	Ric
8		Bach's air on a G string		-	Jacqui
9		Beethoven Symphony no. 6 in F major 'pastoral'		-	David
10		Beethoven-Fur Elise		-	Elsie (Not Elise)
11		Beethoven's Concerto #5		-	Jim
12		Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata		-	Jim
13		Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata		-	Melanie
14		Beethoven's Sixth Symphony		-	Richard
15		Butterworth's "Banks of Green Willow"		-	David
16		Christopher Cross 'Sailing'		-	Carl
17		Christopher Cross's Cool Change		-	Mellie
18		Claire de Lune         by DeBussy		-	David
19		Dances With Wolves" The John Dunbar Theme		-	Barbara
20		Eddy Arnold Country		-	Cora
21		Ferde Grof‚ - Grand Canyon Suite - III. On the Trail		-	David
22		Ferde Grof‚ - Grand Canyon Suite - V. Cloudburst		-	David
23		Fleetwood Mac Albatross		-	jacqui
24		Gheorghe Zamfir - Lonely Shepherd		-	Dianne
25		Greensleeves		-	Dianne
26		Handel:  Water Music Suites		-	Ric
27		Intermezzo" from Cavalleria Rusticano		-	Cay
28		Johann Pachelbel Canon in D Major		-	Dianne
29		K.D. Lang's Hallejujah		-	Eric
30		Mantovanni: Elizabethan Serenade		-	Dianne
31		Moonlight Sonata    by Beethoven		-	David
32		Mozart's Requiem in D minor   		-	Nofries
33		Mozart-The Marriage of Figaro		-	Anna
34		O Mio Babbino Caro", from Puccini's "Gianni Schicchi"		-	Bill
35		On the Moldau by Smetana		-	David
36		Osamu Kitajima: The Source		-	Ki
37		Pachelbel's Canon in D Major		-	Ruth
38		Pachelbel's Canon in D Major		-	Margee
39		Ravel's Bolero		-	Earl
40		ROSSINI William Tell: Call to the Cows		-	Carl
41		Samuel Barber - Adagio for Strings, op.11. Uncut		-	Richard
42		Schubert - Ave Maria		-	Nan
43		Schubert - Ave Maria sung by Bocelli		-	Barb
44		Schubert - Ave Maria sung by Pavarotti		-	Frank
45		Schubert's Serenade		-	Nina
46		Sibelius Finlandia		-	Tom
47		Song of Peace (Be Still My Soul)       from Finlandia by Sibelius		-	David
48	not on the net yet	Spencer Lewis recordings from Bethel, Vermont.		-	Dee
49		Sri Chinmoy		-	Mandy
50		StarsEnd		-	Cathi
51		Strauss - Radetzky March		-	DearWebby
52		Strauss Blue Danube Waltz		-	Fran
53		Strauss Farandole March		-	Alice
54		Strauss Kaiser Waltz		-	Frank
55		Strauss Vienna Waltz		-	Oscar
56		Strauss WienerWald		-	Ellie
57		Sunrise from the Peer Gynt		-	David
58		Swan Lake    by Tchaikovsky		-	David
59		Tchaikovsky: Swan Lake Waltz		-	Carol
60		The Moldau by Bedrich Smetana		-	Jean
61		Zen Radio		-	Ogden

It looks like Bach, Beethoven, Shubert and Strauss are definite favorites.

Let's keep this going!
If you come across something really nice to listen to, 
send me the URL, and I will add it, and every now and then,
I will post the updated list.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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please donate what you can!

If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself. --- Mickey Mantle There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it. --- George Bernard Shaw
A modest man was in the hospital for a series of test. One of the last tests has left his system upset. Upon making several false alarms to the bathroom he decided the latest was another. But he completely filled his bed up with human waste and was embarrassed beyond anything he could possible face. Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets and threw them out the hospital window. A drunkard was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cussing and swinging his arms which drew the attention of the security guard. The security guard asked, "What's going on here?!?!?" And the drunk replied, "I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost!"
YOU can do it! Make Money By Giving Away The Best Membership Software. Make 50% On All Product & Membership Sales. Super Easy To Make Money Because All You Have To Do Is Give Away Our Free Software. This Is A Massive Opportunity Of Making big bucks Every Month. CAUTION: You have to actually do it, not just envy those, who do it! It is a very low investment, and easy to do. YOU can do it!

One afternoon a little boy was playing outdoors. He used his mother's broom as a horse and had a wonderful time until it was getting dark. He left the broom on the back porch. His mother was cleaning up the kitchen when she realized that her broom was missing. She asked the little boy about the broom and he told her where it was. She then asked him to please go get it. The little boy informed his mom that he was afraid of the dark and didn't want to go out to get the broom. His mother smiled and said, 'The Lord is out there too, don't be afraid'. The little boy opened the back door a little and said, 'Lord if you're out there, please hand me the broom'.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Erin Holdsworth, 28 in Auburn, Ohio Drunk and topless An Ohio woman appeared in court on Wednesday to answer to charges of leading police on a high-speed chase while allegedly drunk -- and definitely topless. The Daily Mail reports that officers in Auburn Township tried to pull over a car that was being driven erratically. Instead, the driver stepped on the gas as police gave chase at speeds of up to 128mph. Police eventually used spike-strips to blow out the tires, forcing the driver to pull over. And when the driver, 28-year-old Erin Holdsworth, stumbled out of her car with her hands in the air, cops were stunned -- she was wearing nothing more than a g-string, fishnet stockings and tennis shoes. Video shows that when they put her in the back of the squad car, Holdsworth became combative, kicking the glass partition between the seats. She is charged with operating a vehicle impaired (OVI), refusing a blood alcohol test, fleeing and eluding, criminal damage, driving under a suspended license, speeding and reckless operation.
From the Tech Support Pits: From Ellen Re: Wide monitor Dear Webby, I need a new monitor, and don't like the wide ones. The salesman at our local computer store told me, that the "antique" version is no longer available, "not even for old people", and tried to make me look stupid in front of my friends. Somehow I don't think he is right, and remember you saying, that regular monitor are still available. Ellen Dear Ellen Find out when that store is the busiest, then go there and call that lying idiot a #$%& LIAR, in front of everybody. STANDARD, 4:3 monitors are available all over the place. They are not antique, they are STANDARD in the business world. Industry and commerce don't put up with the lies of idiots, and they get exactly what they need. If you go to PriceGrabber, you can get 4:3 monitors for less than what the liars charge for sawed off wide-screen monitors. I use a Lenovo, that I am quite happy with, but I have seen DELL and HP and IBM and SUN monitors, that were just as good. Their profit margins are higher with the sawed off "wide screen" monitors, but if you need a standard monitor for working, insist on getting what you need, not what some lyiing loudmouth tries to con you into getting. Don't let them intimidate you! Have FUN! DearWebby
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A lady said to her friend, "My birthday is coming up and when people ask me what I want, I can't think anything." Her friend said, "I love giving homemade gifts. Which one of my children would you like?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Refurbishing Candles If you have warped candles, dunk them in a pan of warm water to make them pliable enough to bend back straight. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Tyrone was visiting Leroy and discussing Leroy's problems with his wife when Leroy's doorbell rang. Leroy answered the door and was handed a paper which the deliverer said was a subpoena. Leroy showed it to Tyrone and asked him if he knew what it was. Tyrone said, "Dis here is a subpeena." "Wut is a sub-peena?" Leroy asked. "Well," said Tyrone, "dat's law talk. Yo wife is suing you for deevorce. We know dat 'sub' means 'unda' and 'peena' is Latin for 'penis', so - 'subpeena' means unda the penis which means she done got you by da balls."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A schoolteacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. He had no discipline problems with any of his students that term.

» Vintage Weenie







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Blame 

If I Had A Dollar For Every Time
Capitalism
Was Blamed For Problems Caused By The
Government
I Would Be A Fat Film Maker
With A Baseball Cap



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Screaming computer 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, October 30

Recommendations for relaxing tunes are still coming in.
One more day, then I will post the list.

The snow sure is coming down on the mountains. They are
all white now, and it doesn't warm up in daytime. I am still
hoping for a good Chinook, though, to blow away the leaves.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. --- Socratex No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. --- Socratex Nobody cares if you dance well. Just get up and dance. --- Socratex
One day, Gramma sent her grandson, Little Johnny, down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and ran all the way back to Gramma's house and into the kitchen. "Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him. A frightened Little Johnny stammered, "I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma. There's a BIG old alligator down there!" Gramma said, "Now, don't you mind that ole' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him." "Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
YOU can do it! Make Money By Giving Away The Best Membership Software. Make 50% On All Product & Membership Sales. Super Easy To Make Money Because All You Have To Do Is Give Away Our Free Software. This Is A Massive Opportunity Of Making big bucks Every Month. CAUTION: You have to actually do it, not just envy those, who do it! It is a very low investment, and easy to do. YOU can do it!

Thanks to Beth for this story: I did my nurse's training at a hospital in Liverpool, England. My fellow students and I had little money for meals, so we ate the awful food provided at the hospital complex. We often took our breaks in the kitchen, and sometimes kindly visitors would give us some of the treats they had brought for patients. One night a woman brought a pork pie to the kitchen and said to me, "Would you eat this up, love?" Delighted at the offer, another student and I devoured every crumb. Soon our benefactor returned, however, and asked, "Is me 'usband's pie 'ot yet, dearie?"
Thanks to Karolyn for this picture: Click through for the large version. When the Moose got the beer...
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Camerin Marie Britton, 25, Stolen Credit Card Used To Send Money To Jailed Boyfriend A Rogers woman was arrested for allegedly using a credit card belonging to a resident of the retirement community where she worked. Rogers Police arrested Camerin Marie Britton, 25, on Wednesday on charges of Fraudulent Use of a Credit Card, Theft of Property, and Abuse of an Endangered or Impaired Person. Britton is accused of using a credit card belonging to a resident of the Apple Blossom Retirement community on N. 22nd and sending more than $600 to her fiance who is incarcerated in Missouri. Britton WAS a health care worker at the retirement facility until her arrest.
From the Tech Support Pits: From Rick Re: Screaming computer Dear Webby, I had left an old computer at the cabin, so that I could use it for downloading pictures from the camera and burning them onto a CD. Wen we got to the cabin and I turned on the computer, instead of the familiar fan noises there was the most godawful screaching and screaming, like a cat was inside it and slowly getting sliced into little pieces by the fans. I turned it off and took the side cover off, but all I saw in there, aside from the circuit boards and drives, were dust bunnies. What wold cause that awful noise? Rick Dear Rick When the frozen machine starts up, the thin film of grease in the fan bearings gets pushed along into micro dunes that look like miniature fish scales under the microcope. Just like any old grease, it retains the stickiness that is intended to keep it on the job, but it loses it's lubricating qualities and creaks like an old outhouse door. The high speed creaking is what you heard and thought was an animal screaming in pain. Naturally that does not prolong the usable lifetime of that fan. Some of the more modern computers and power supplies don't turn on the fans until there is actual need for cooling. On older equipment, you have to either put up with the screaming for a bit, or else wait until the cabin and the computer warm up. The innards of the computer will come up to room temperature faster if you take the side cover off. Have FUN! DearWebby
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On her way back from the concession stand, Kendra asked the man at the end of the row, "Sir, did I step on your foot a minute ago?" Expecting an apology the man said, "Indeed you did." Kendra nodded. "Oh, good. Then this is my row."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Refurbishing Candles If you have warped candles, dunk them in a pan of warm water to make them pliable enough to bend back straight. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A widow recently married a widower. Soon after the marriage she was accosted by a friend who laughingly remarked - "I suppose, like all men who have been married before, your husband sometimes talks about his first wife?" "Oh, not any more, he doesn't," the other replied. "What stopped him?" "I started talking about my next husband."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man was in the habit of carrying an umbrella wherever he went. Unfortunately, he broke his last good one. Looking at the six useless umbrellas in his umbrella stand, he decided to take them all in and have them repaired. On the bus on the way home, he picked up the umbrella that belonged to the woman sitting next to him, purely out of habit. She immediately cried, "Stop, thief!" and he surrendered the umbrella. Very embarrassed, he quickly got off the bus. The next week he picked up his repaired umbrellas. When he got on the bus with the six umbrellas under his arm, he just so happened to sit next to the very same woman. She gave him an icy stare and said, "Had a good day, huh?" ------------- That reminds me of an umbrella experience I had in Vancouver in the early 70's. It rains a lot in Vancouver, but I was new and was caught downtown in a real downpour. I ducked into the entranceway at Sears to escape the worst. While standing there I was idly reading the list of departments and the floors they were on. "Lost and Found Floor 12" caught my eye. So I went up there and asked if they had found my umbrella. "A black one ?" she asked. "Uh, yeah, a black one." I replied. "Telescoping or Gent?" "Uh, Gent." I figured, a hippie like me would naturally carry a gentleman's straight umbrella, not a weird one that might require readig instructions. The lady behind the counter groaned and left. A minute later she came back with a huge armload of black umbrellas. "Take your pick!" She didn't say anything about trying to find mine, just to take my pick. I did. The second one was perfect. No pinholes, smooth action, no rust specks, fine leather handle. Just as I was about to say something that it might be the right one, the lady told me: "Take a couple of spares. I got truckloads of them back there and hate carrying these back there again." I felt so sorry for her, I took the whole armload that she had dumped onto the counter. That made her smile ! Outside again, I gave a couple to the Hare Krishnas who were chanting in the rain and dancing like old drunks who had not noticed that the music had stopped. Then I spotted a mother with a baby carriage, so I ran after her and gave one to her and one to the kid. I had a great time, until I realized that I had given away ALL of the umbrellas. Back at Sears I told the lady at the Lost and Found the truth, and we had a good laugh about it. During the second armload the rain lessened and stopped and when the sun broke through the clouds, I was stuck with one umbrella. Since I felt silly carrying an umbrella when it didn't rain, I left it on the bus.

» Happy Cooker







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Small Town Life 

"My father is mayor of the town right now. It's a small town so eventually everyone gets to be mayor. They elected the mayor by radio last year. My dad was the fifth caller" - Jake Johansen



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75 Questions 

An old proverb says, “He that cannot ask cannot live”. If you want answers you have to ask questions. These are 75 questions you should ask yourself and try to answer. You can ask yourself these questions right now and over the course of your life.


1. Why not me?

2. Am I nice?

3. Am I doing what I really want to do?

4. What am I grateful for?

5. What’s missing in my life?

6. Am I honest?

7. Do I listen to others?

8. Do I work hard?

9. Do I help others?

10. What do I need to change about myself?

11. Have I hurt others?

12. Do I complain?

13. What’s next for me?

14. Do I have fun?

15. Have I seized opportunities?

16. Do I care about others?

17. Do I spend enough time with my family?

18. Am I open-minded?

19. Have I seen enough of the world?

20. Do I judge others?

21. Do I take risks?

22. What is my purpose?

23. What is my biggest fear?

24. How can I conquer that fear?

25. Do I thank people enough?

26. Am I successful?

27. What am I ashamed of?

28. Do I annoy others?

29. What are my dreams?

30. Am I positive?

31. Am I negative?

32. Is there an afterlife?

33. Does everything happen for a reason?

34. What can I do to change the world?

35. What is the most foolish thing I’ve ever done?

36. Am I cheap?

37. Am I greedy?

38. Who do I love?

39. Who do I want to meet?

40. Where do I want to go?

41. What am I most proud of?

42. Do I care what others think about me?

43. What are my talents?

44. Do I utilize those talents?

45. What makes me happy?

46. What makes me sad?

47. What makes me angry?

48. Am I satisfied with my appearance?

49. Am I healthy?

50. What was the toughest time in my life?

51. What was the easiest time in my life?

52. Am I selfish?

53. What was the craziest thing I did?

54. What is the craziest thing I want to do?

55. Do I procrastinate?

56. What is my greatest regret?

57. What has had the greatest impact on my life?

58. Who has had the greatest impact on my life?

59. Do I stand up for myself?

60. Have I settled for mediocrity?

61. Do I hold grudges?

62. Do I read enough?

63. Do I listen to my heart?

64. Do I donate enough to the less fortunate?

65. Do I pray only when I want something?

66. Do I constantly dwell on the past?

67. Do I let other people’s negativity affect me?

68. Do I forgive myself?

69. When I help someone do I think “What’s in it for me”?

70. Am I aware that someone always has it worse than me?

71. Do I smile more than I frown?

72. Do I surround myself with good people?

73. Do I take time out for myself?

74. Do I ask enough questions?

75. What other questions do I have?




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Mysterious Email Bounces 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, October 29

Recommendations for relaxing tunes are still coming in.
Two more days, then I will post the list.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

"You don't have to hold a position in order to be a leader." --- Anthony J. D'Angelo "Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies." --- Gene Hill "I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult." --- Rita Rudner
Thanks to Colin for bringing back this classic: Country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young Men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects.. 1. A Bible 2. A silver dollar 3. A bottle of whiskey 4. And a Playboy magazine 'I'll just hide behind the door,' the old preacher said to himself. 'When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up. If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be. And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer.' The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table.. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month's centerfold. 'Lord have mercy,' the old preacher disgustedly whispered. He is going to go into politics!
YOU can do it! Make Money By Giving Away The Best Membership Software. Make 50% On All Product & Membership Sales. Super Easy To Make Money Because All You Have To Do Is Give Away Our Free Software. This Is A Massive Opportunity Of Making big bucks Every Month. CAUTION: You have to actually do it, not just envy those, who do it! It is a very low investment, and easy to do. YOU can do it!

As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, a man in a U.S. Marine Corps uniform is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the courtly, soft-spoken Marine leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear. Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the Marine slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, sir," she ask quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?" The Marine smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my service stars and battle ribbons, and explained that I got them, because I had killed people, who did not behave."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Latasha Webb, 22, and William "Chino" Schulz, 17 in Kissimmee, Florida Pizza Robbers arrestedLeft their dope in motel fridge KISSIMMEE, Fla., Oct. 27 (UPI) -- Authorities in Florida said they arrested a couple who attempted to check back into their motel room an hour after leaving because they forgot their crack. The Osceola County Sheriff's Office said deputies were called to the Rodeway Inn on West U.S. Highway 192 near Kissimmee before lunch Tuesday when cleaning staff discovered several bags of crack cocaine in a room's freezer, the Orlando Sentinel reported Thursday. Deputies said the manager received a call from the room's former occupant while they were investigating, saying "she was on her way back to the hotel and wanted to pay for one more night and stay in the same room." Latasha Webb, 22, and William "Chino" Schulz, 17, were arrested upon returning to the motel. The arrest report said Webb told deputies "Chino sells crack cocaine and they both forgot the crack cocaine when they checked out of the room." Webb and Schulz were charged with possession of cocaine with intent to sell and possession of drug paraphernalia.
From the Tech Support Pits: From Marsha Re: Mysterious mail bounces Dear Webby Rob, my oldest and blondest brother, thinks he is so smart that he can improve on the way I set the mail up for him. Right now, he told me on the phone, he can mail out to anybody, but if he tries to reply or forward, he gets bounces. What did he do now ? And what do you recommend? Thanks Marsha Dear Marsha Most likely he has his mail set to "Send a copy to self" for forwards and replies. And because he doesn't read his own copies of the replies and forwards anyway, he has himself blocked with some spam control program. He should either take the checkmark off "Send a copy to self", or else stop blocking mail from himself. My recommendation is a diet that includes lots of Smarties. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A young man who goes to a girl's house to pick her up for their first date. She shows him into the living room, then excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them drinks. Looking around the room, the fellow notices a little vase on the mantel. He picks it up to examine it, and as he is looking at it, she walks back in. "What's this?" he asks her. "Oh," she says, "my father's ashes are in there." The young man turns beet red and is speechless as he gently sets the vase back on the mantle. "Yeah," the girl says, "he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Refurbishing Candles If you have warped candles, dunk them in a pan of warm water to make them pliable enough to bend back straight. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, that causes more pain and suffering than any other product, and yet we all eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea." The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Here's a little slice of golf history that you might enjoy. Why do golf courses have 18 holes - not 20, or 10, or an even dozen? During a discussion among the club's membership board at St. Andrews in 1858, a senior member pointed out that it takes exactly 18 shots to polish off a fifth of Scotch. By limiting himself to only one shot of Scotch per hole, the Scot figured a round of golf was finished when the Scotch ran out. I don't drink and don't play golf, but find those topics easy to joke about.

» Happy Cooker







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Comcast spam problems 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, October 28
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Recommendations for relaxing tunes are still coming in.
I will post the list at the end of the month.

You can also go to http://accuradio.com
and pick a channel, that you like, for example Blue Grass or
Country or Classic or whatever you like. They are all free.
Then you can rudely BAN any nervous screecher and tune 
YOUR channel to YOUR taste. If you ban an artist, you will never 
hear that one again. 

You can also SKIP pieces, if you think that artist has other
stuff, that is good enough. That does not ban the artist.

In FireFox AccuRadio has a special tab at the left margin. 
There is no need to frantically wade through your 95 open tabs
to hunt for it for pausing it, when you get a Skype call or
when the boss wants to ask you something. That tiniy but 
special tab is always at the left margin.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. --- Dudley Moore
A fellow computer programmer for a consulting group had designed some software for one of our largest accounts. He asked my help in putting it into operation. At first, he handled most of the work. Eventually, though, he asked me to help with the last phase of the training. When I sat down with one woman and told her I would be showing her how to make changes to the files, she sighed with relief. "I'm so glad you're teaching me instead of him." Surprised, I said that my colleague was far more experienced than I was. "Yes," she said, "but I feel much more comfortable with you. I get nervous around smart people."
YOU can do it! Make Money By Giving Away The Best Membership Software. Make 50% On All Product & Membership Sales. Super Easy To Make Money Because All You Have To Do Is Give Away Our Free Software. This Is A Massive Opportunity Of Making big bucks Every Month. CAUTION: You have to actually do it, not just envy those, who do it! It is a very low investment, and easy to do. YOU can do it!

At long last the good-humored boss was compelled to call Fisk into his office. "It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium you have to take your aunt to the doctor." "You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Fisk. "I didn't realize it. You don't suppose she's faking it, do you?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Rodrekus Woods, 26, Anthony Lewis, 22, and Laddarian Hardy, 21. all from Forestdale, AL Pizza Robbers arrested Three men from Forestdale have been arrested for robbing a pizza delivery man at gunpoint according to the Jefferson County Sheriff's Office. The delivery man was directed to a false address in Forestdale in the 800 block of Forestwood Lane around 9:45 p.m. Oct. 23. When the delivery man arrived, he realized the address he had been given for the order did not exist. He then received a phone call to his cell phone that told him he had gone to the wrong address and should go around the corner of Forestwood Lane and Forestwood Drive to deliver the pizza. The pizza delivery man found the alleged customer in the 1500 block of Forestwood Lane and as he got closer, two other men came from behind and held him at gunpoint. The three men took the delivery man's wallet and the pizzas. The victim left the scene, returned to the pizza store and called 911. Jefferson County Sheriff's Deputies responded to the report and observed several males standing near a car in the 600 block of Forestwood Road, in the area where the robbery occurred. When deputies approached, the men ran inside a residence. Deputies brought the men from the house back to the driveway and observed a pizza box in the back of one of the cars parked in the driveway. After searching the car, deputies found that the pizza box in the car belonged to the same order that was placed as part of the robbery. They also discovered a handgun. Three suspects were identified as the robbers and were charged with first-degree robbery: Rodrekus Woods, 26, Anthony Lewis, 22, and Laddarian Hardy, 21. They are all from Forestdale. They were taken to jail with bonds of $25,000 each.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Diana Re: Comcast Spam Dear Webby, Both of us use a web based email. My sister, who gets all the spam, uses Comcast, and I use gmail. Will mail washer work for web based emails? I have tried Eudora which is ok but I like gmail web just fine. I have made filters for incoming mail to go into different folders when they come in. Haven't figure out how to do it on Comcast email. Diana PS Sorry to be such a pest, but you are so smart and I like to pick your brain when needed Dear Diana MailWasher works just fine with Gmail, and Eudora, of course. I don't see why it would not work with Comcast, after all, it's just another email address. MailWasher looks at the mail on the server, and washes it there, before you use the email program of your choice to work on it. You can even wash the mail on a whole bunch of addresses from the receptionist machine every hour on the hour, and then have a dozen or more people haul in their mail at five minutes past the hour. That method is popular at clinics, that have a big herd of doctors, who don't have time to clean their mail. Naturally, it makes absolutely no difference what email program each of them use, as long as the person, who is the guardian of the mail, uses MailWasher. Everybody else just sees their mail as usual, except with all the spam cleaned out. Comcast is a bit weird. They don't really understand mail or spam, and jump to some really wacky confusions. They censor legitimate mail but let really obvious spam go through. You definitely need MailWasher, if you have a comcast address. And if your daughter likes AngelWinks.net postcards, don't expect a birthday or Christmas card. Comcast will most likely block it. There is a lot of mail coming from that site, ya know. Have FUN! DearWebby
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During the weeks before Jill's wedding, she was terribly anxious about making some mistakes at the ceremony. The minister reassured her several times, pointing out that the service was not difficult and she will do just fine. "All you have to remember," he said, "is that when you enter the church you walk up the AISLE. The groom and best man will be waiting before the ALTAR. Then I shall request the congregation to sing a HYMN....then we shall get on with the ceremony. All you have to remember is the order in which those things happen and you can't go wrong." The happy day finally arrived, and the bridegroom waited nervously for his bride to appear. When she arrived and stood alongside him, he heard her quietly repeating to herself, "Aisle, altar, hymn, aisle, altar, hymn." Or, as it sounded to him, "I'll alter him!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Garden Organizer Bucket Idea Four gallon square buckets fit inside five gallon round buckets. By putting the square one inside the round one, you have a center place for your potting soil and small spaces for the gardening implements and garden stakes. The four gallon diameter is 9 15/16 inches and the diameter of the five gallon is 11 inches approximately. You may have to play around with the different sizes, but if you have two at home that you can try out, why not? This would also work with boots in the center and umbrellas around the edges, tall and short dried flowers, or anything you want to keep handy and don't want to dig around for. Hope this helps! By Poor But Proud from Sweet Home, OR http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
At the end of the semester, a star football player celebrated the relaxation of team curfew by attending a late night campus party. Soon after arriving, he became captivated by a beautiful young thing and eased into a conversation with her by asking if she met many dates at parties. "Oh, I have a 3.9, so I'm much more attracted to the strong academic types than to dumb party animals," she said. "What's your G.P.A.?" Grinning from ear to ear, the jock boasted, "I get about 27 in the city and 38 on the highway."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Bob for this story: My mother was away all weekend at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home collect. My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a stranger's voice say, "We have a Marcia on the line. Will you accept the charges?" Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, "Dad! They've got Mom! And they want money!"

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My Wife 

GoAnimate.com: Wife Is Mad At Me by 3bneil

Like it? Create your own at GoAnimate.com. It's free and fun!



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Definition 

Ineptocracy (in-ep-toc’-ra-cy)
- a system of government where the least capable to lead
are elected by the least capable of producing,
and where the members of society least likely
to sustain themselves or succeed,
are rewarded with goods and services paid for
by the confiscated wealth of a diminishing number of producers.




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Solution for saving private files off a work machine 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, October 26

More recommendations for relaxing tunes came in today,
and a number of rather unflattering comments about
those "scientists" in England.
 
So far Beethoven seems to be in the lead.
Let's keep this going and see if there is a pattern.
I will post the list at the end of the month.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it. --- Michel de Montaigne What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson The only cure for grief is action. --- George Henry Lewes
From Anna Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.
NOW the link works! Sorry about that.
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A spammer had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist. He went there, laid on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better. The psychiatrist asked him a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Dorothy O'Neil, 37, of Haverhill, MA Drunk woman asks for directions, ends up in jail A Haverhill woman is facing serious drug charges after asking a police officer for directions. Dorothy O'Neil, 37, of 285 North Broadway, first floor, was charged with operating under the influence of alcohol, illegal possession of prescription medication and trafficking in cocaine. O'Neil was being held at the Methuen Police Station on $5,000 cash bail pending her arraignment in Lawrence District Court tomorrow. Methuen police Lt. Jim Jajuga Jr. said O'Neil approached Sgt. Stephen Debs at about 11:30 a.m. Friday in the parking lot of Jacksons Restaurant at 478 Lowell St. and asked him for directions. "He (Debs) suspected that she had been drinking, based on the way she was operating her vehicle and the fact he detected a strong odor of alcohol on her. She was slurring her words," Jajuga said. "She kept taking her sunglasses on and off, and Sgt. Debs noticed her eyes were watery and bloodshot. He called for assistance and Officer Shaun Cronin arrived on the scene," he said. O'Neil was placed under arrest after admitting to having several shots of Malibu Rum earlier in the morning and failing field sobriety tests administered by the officers, according to Jajuga. During a inventory search of O'Neil's vehicle, the officers recovered a plastic bag containing a white powdery substance later determined to be cocaine. Jajuga estimated the street value of the 30 grams of cocaine to be $3,000. Police also discovered another clear plastic bag containing 23 prescription pills suspected of being Ativan, and a small unlabeled prescription bottle containing marijuana. O'Neil requested to be taken to the hospital and was later released and returned to the police station. Police impounded her pickup truck.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Aletta Re: Solution for saving pictures from work machine Dear Webby, Regarding the question from Mary about the pictures on her work computer, I was in the same position not long ago. All I did was email the things I needed to keep using from my work email address to my personal gmail address. Of course, since gmail is accessible anywhere all I had to do then was re-save the pictures or documents to my new computer. I don't know if this will work for her but it did for me. Aletta Dear Aletta Thanks! That is a very good suggestion. Hopefully she can sneak out to Gmail! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Bill and Bob, longtime golfing buddies, were involved in a match-play contest with the score "all-square" at the 18th tee. Bill slices his tee shot way left, and the ball finally stops on the cart path. Meanwhile, Bob smashes his first shot straight down the middle. "Oh well," says Bill, "I should get a free drop from there." "Heck no," says Bob, "We play the ball as it lies." And so Bill did. After dropping his opponent on the middle of the fairway, Bill took the golf cart to his lie on the concrete path. Sparks fly from the cart path, as Bill makes a few aggres- sive practice swings. Finally, Bill hits the ball off the cart path, leaving a miraculous shot only 3 feet from the pin. As the two meet in the fairway, Bob comments, "That was a great shot...what club did you use?" "Your 6 iron," says Bill.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Lint Brush To Clean Cutting Mat I do a lot of quilting. When I square up my blocks, I always have a lot of lint and little fabric pieces left on my cutting mat. I use a lint brush to get the mat fuzz free again. I also use both side of my cutting mat. By Gabriele from CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked someone from the back of the audience. "Well, I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. 'Hon,' I suggested, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" The voice from the back asked, "Did it save time?" The expert replied, "Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to get my breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny fall day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?" The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not." Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?

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Saving pictures from the work machine 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, October 26


I got quite a few recommendations for relaxing tunes, 
but so far not a single one has shown up twice. 
However, every one of those suggestions is a number
of classes better than the crap those "scientists" 
came up with.

Let's keep this going and see if there is a pattern.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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please donate what you can!

"A man may be a fool and not know it -- but not if he is married." --- H.L. Mencken The more devices we invent for dominating nature, the more we must serve them if we are to survive. --- Socratex
When I attended a convention once of oil men, the first speaker was from Texas. He rambled on about crap for a good half hour and then introduced the next gent, who happened to be from Oklahoma. The Texas man said, "Oklahoma, an outlying province of Texas." The second speaker said, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, but, just to set the record straight, there ain't NO state that can out-lie Texas."
NOW the link works! Sorry about that.
If you have an iPad and wonder, how you can use more than 1% of it's capabilities, then you need this book!

A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand - to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad." The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up. "You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked. "Exactly," replied the instructor. To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Alexandrea Brooks, Atlanta, GA Woman steals 26 boxes of condoms, ovulation test Shoplifting cases are usually forgettable, but a Cobb arrest warrant issued Thursday is pregnant with intrigue. According to Cobb police, a woman identified as Alexandrea Brooks infiltrated the Walgreens at 3033 Johnson Ferry Road in Marietta and made off with 26 boxes of condoms and an ovulation test. And a box of Huggies baby wipes. Total value of paradoxical purloined prophylactics: $562.68. Walgreens workers saw Brooks enter the store Sept. 11, fill a shopping basket with condoms and march out the front door. She got into a vehicle, and the driver took off, but not before workers wrote down a tag number. Police eventually tracked down the driver, who gave police Brooks’ name. Brooks is an old hand at shoplifting, according to multiple Cobb warrants. And in 2009, she was charged with battery for head butting a man several times, causing his face and nose to swell.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mary Re: Saving pictures from work machine Dear Webby, We are getting new computers at work in about 2 weeks. Yay!!! However, not being computer savvy like some people, I don't know what to do about this problem. I have quite a few pictures saved on the computer in MY PICTURES. Is there any way to save them without too much trouble?? I am not even sure how to save them to disk, if I could. I can't use any programs to upload the pictures. Can you help me please??? Thanks. I always read and love your newsletter. mary Dear Mary Hopefully your new computers will not be Windows7, otherwise there will be lots of cussing and swearing and a lot less work getting done. Burning pictures onto CD or DVD or a removable hard drive on a work computer is generally frowned upon. From the distance, they can't tell, whether you are taking secret company data home, or whether you have used the company computer to surf the net and collect porno, or what. Since you are not allowed to upload the pictures, the only option you have is to email them to somebody like me, and I will upload them onto a site for you, so that you can save them into the new computer. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The other day I needed to call home, but the only pay phone I could find was in use. So I stood to the side and politely waited until it was free, thinking it would only be a couple of minutes. Five minutes went by, and still the man was on the phone. He was just standing there, not saying a word. Another five minutes went by, and he still wasn't talking. Finally, I tapped him on the shoulder and asked if I could use the phone. I really wouldn't be long, but needed to make an important call. "Hold your horses," he responded, covering the receiver. "I'm talking to my wife."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Give Each Child Their Own Color I have four kids in my house. To make things easier, each kid has their own color (green, blue, red, pink/yellow). we have three boys and a girl. Most things come in green, blue, red, and yellow like plates, bowls, cups, tooth brushes, etc. Our only girl likes the color pink, but most of the time I can't find pink so I get her yellow. That is why her color is pink/yellow. The main reason for the color system was when the kids were done eating dinner they all wanted dessert. The rule is "you have to finish what is on your plate to get dessert". There was always one plate that was left with food still on it, but each kid said, "That's not my plate! I ate all mine!" I never knew whose it was, but with the color system, NOW I know. These days, everything in our house comes in colors. By runningonempty1971 from Columbus, OH http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes, I can't see very well these days." The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed. Doc says, "What's the problem? Didn't the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc, but I just discovered I've been living with a garden hose the past 2 years....!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"I play golf in the low 80's," the little old man was telling one of the young boys at the club. "Wow," said the young man, "that's pretty impressive." "Not really," said the little old man. "Any hotter and I'd probably have a stroke."

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Daily picture sized for wallpaper 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, October 25

A British band and a group of scientists have made the most 
relaxing tune in the history of man, an Mp3 of which is at the 
bottom of this article.

Sound therapists and Manchester band Marconi Union compiled 
the song. Scientists played it to 40 women and found it to be more 
effective at helping them relax than songs by Enya, Mozart and 
Coldplay. Weightless

Well, personally, I think one would probably need to drink 
warm English beer, and lots of it, to find that caterwauling
relaxing. Those "scientists" seem to have been smoking the 
same rope as the ones, who cooked the stats to come up with
the Gullible Warming hoax. You listen to it, and tell me!

If you know of any piece of music, that you find the most
relaxing, please tell me, and I'll see if any one piece of
music is selected by more than one person.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't. --- Mark Twain
Jill, in the personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff broken down by age and sex. She sent this reply... "Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one broken down by age or sex. However, we do have a few alcoholics."
NOW the link works! Sorry about that.
If you have an iPad and wonder, how you can use more than 1% of it's capabilities, then you need this book!

Thanks to Bob for this story: Five years after my wife and I were married, we received our final wedding gift -- an ice-cream maker. In an attempt to cover procrastination with humor, the friend who sent it included a note: "I wanted to make sure the marriage would last." She wasn't amused, but did think the present deserved a thank-you note anyway, which she dutifully sent five years later. Her note read: "I wanted to be sure the ice-cream maker worked."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Dale Foughty, 56 in Jacksonville, NC Flakey Spiderman JACKSONVILLE, North Carolina — A note to would-be crooks channeling their favorite superheroes: Just because you're wearing the mask, it doesn't mean you have super powers. Authorities in North Carolina say a sword-wielding bandit wearing a Spider-Man mask walked into a convenience store Wednesday morning and demanded money. The Onslow County Sheriff's Office says the clerk pulled out a broom and poked the suspect in the stomach. A second clerk joined in the struggle. When he was overpowered, the two women were able to rip off his mask, as well as part of his ponytail.The Sheriff's deputies found him at a nearby home. “The suspect had shaved off his hair,” the release said. “His hair was all over the table in the living room, but the suspect was unable to get rid of the lumps on his head that were left by the broom handles. “It was quite noticeable … that he was very sore as a result of his encounter with the store clerks.” Fifty-six-year-old Dale Foughty faces several charges. He is jailed under $10,000 bond.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Richard Re: Picture for wallpaper Webby -- Thanks for making my day fun -- every day! Do you have a larger format version of today's photo available? If so, I'd like to use if for wallpaper on my screen. Thanks again! Richard Dear Richard Click through the picture, just like it says underneath. You will get the standard wallpaper size of 1024x768 If you use a higher resolution, Windows will adjust it from the standard wallpaper size. Have FUN! DearWebby
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"I'm sorry sir, we don't have any African Violets in stock. We don't carry them at this time of year. Perhaps a nice potted geranium?" "No," replied Kevin rather sadly, "It was African Violets that my wife told me to water while she was gone."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Season Frozen French Fries To spice up frozen french fries, open the bag and add salt, pepper, paprika and garlic powder into the bag. Give the bag a quick shake and bake. The fries are coated evenly and taste better than the plain ones. It's fast and easy. If the bag is a resealable one, wash the bag and it can be reused for something else later. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chick Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and studied it with an appraising eye. "We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said finally. "Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That's the owner. The food starts on the next page."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Vinny for this story: I was nervous the night my husband and I brought our three young sons to an upscale restaurant for the first time. My husband ordered a bottle of wine with the meal. When the server brought it, our children became quiet as she began the ritual uncorking. She poured a small amount for me to taste, and then our six-year-old piped up, "Mom usually drinks a LOT more than that!"

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MailWasher and Outlook 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, October 24

There is nothing I can do about Ezinefinder's server problems.
They are not on a Webby server, and completely independent
on some Mac server on the Westcoast somewhere.

I wrote to them Saturday and Sunday, but maybe they are 
away for the weekend. 

Since it affects all newsletters the same, it's not tragic.
I usually place more value on letters from you than on votes
anyway.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

Take everything you like seriously, except yourselves. --- Rudyard Kipling Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see. --- Arthur Schopenhauer
Every morning for years, at about 11:30, the telephone operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call from a man asking the exact time. One day the operator summed up nerve enough to ask him why the regularity. "I'm foreman of the local sawmill," he explained. "Every day I have to blow the whistle at noon so I call you to get the exact time." The operator giggled, "That's really funny," she said. "All these years we've been setting our clock by your whistle.
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One day in heaven, St.s Peter, Paul and John were standing around the paddocks watching the horses frolic. " I am certainly bored" stated John "Me too" answered Paul Peter stood and watched the horses "I know" Peter began "Why dont we have a horse show?" Paul and John thought the idea was Great, except for one small detail... Paul pointed out. "Who are we to compete against?" The trio pondered the moment when Peter realized the answer. "We will call up Satan and invite him to the show." "I mean, we have all of the finest horses here in heaven. All the world champions and national champions are here. His stable is filled with the spoiled, difficult, and mean horses. We are certain to win at the show." And so the trio called up Satan on "The Other Realm" communication line and invited him to their show. Satan laughed and asked why they would want to be humiliated like that? He would certainly beat them. Peter, Paul and John did not understand. "What do you mean Satan?" Peter asked "We have all the national and world champion horses in our stable. How could you possibly beat us?" Satan paused a moment and laughed. "Have you forgotten so soon gentlemen?" " I have ALL the Horse Show Judges!"
Click through for the large version. Wind against the tide
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to two parents who let 9 year olds drive Lori Rogers, 36 in Grand Junction, Colorado No Mugshot available anywhere According to a NBC9 News in Colorado, a mom has been accused of letting her 9-year old daughter drive to McDonald's. Grand Junction police say that 36-year-old Lori Rogers let her 9-year-old daughter drive miles across town, reportedly stopping at a McDonald's and even going through the drive-thru. Bizarre? We thought so. But it gets worse. Apparently, Rogers' 10-month-old baby was also in the backseat. The thought process is baffling to us. But to the 9-year-old driving? Well, things must be a lot simpler. In the daughter's estimation, as she told one witness, she was "simply learning how to drive." In any case, when police showed up to the McDonald's they saw that Rogers had moved back to the front seat. It was determined that she was suffering from some sort of mental or physical disorder, and the appropriate actions were then taken to ensure she was taken care of. Police say 36-year-old Lori Ann Rogers was cited on suspicion of two counts of permitting an authorized minor to drive, four counts of child abuse, four counts of reckless endangerment and two counts of operating an UN-INSURED vehicle. ---------------- Meanwhile in Michigan: Shawn Weimer, 39, of Brownstown DETROIT, Oct. 18 (UPI) -- Police in Michigan said a 9-year-old girl who was pulled over while driving for her drunken dad told officers she had been "driving good." Brownstown Township police said they received a call about 2:46 a.m. Oct. 8 from someone who had seen the young girl get into the driver's seat with her father, who appeared intoxicated, in the passenger's seat at a Citgo gas station, the Detroit Free Press reported Tuesday. The witness followed the vehicle until it was pulled over by an officer. "She was doing fine," Detective Lt. Robert Grant said. "And, in fact, as heinous as this is, the little girl looks at the police officer and says, 'What did you stop me for? I was driving good.' Incredible. Obviously, the officer told her she was too young to drive." Shawn Weimer, 39, of Brownstown Township was arrested on charges of felony second-degree child abuse and misdemeanor fourth-degree child abuse. He was also charged with being a habitual offender. Weimer, who the girl said had been drinking whiskey all night, told officers he was teaching his daughter to drive. "He was argumentative with us, that it was his right to teach his daughter how to drive," Grant said. Weimer, who refused a breath test, has previous convictions for receiving and concealing stolen property, unarmed robbery, felon in possession of a firearm and felony firearm. He was also convicted of operating while impaired by liquor in an October 2007 crash in Wyandotte, Mich.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sig Re: How to use MailWasher Dear Webby: I need your help. I used mailwasher successfully with several email programs. Microsoft Outlook is now installed and I would like to use mailwasher with this software. What needs to be done to make it work? Sig Dear Sig 1) Set the address, that you want to wash, into the MailWasher accounts. 2) Set Outlook to NOT automatically check mail every so often. 3) Tell MailWasher that your currently favorite email client is Outlook. That's all there is to it. MailWasher will check and wash the mail and show you the list of what is left for a final glance. You may add another letter or two to the to be deleted list, or take the Delete checkmark off one. When all is as it should be, hit F6 MailWasher then does the washing and hands the baton over to Outlook. Depending on the version of Outlook you got, it will take the hint and download the washed mail, or it will just open and sit there looking silly. In that case, hit the CHECK MAIL button. Since all the spam has already been nuked, that will go fast. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Traveling through New England, a motorist stopped for gas in a tiny village. "What's this place called?" he asked the station attendant. "All depends," the native drawled. "Do you mean by them that has to live in this dad-blamed, moth-eaten, dust-covered dump, or by them that's merely enjoying its quaint and picturesque rustic charms for a short spell ?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Chore Jar for Kids to Earn Extra Money I have two children who love toys, just like any other child. We have given them an allowance since the age of 4, for which they have to earn by performing chores. With this money, they are allowed to purchase a new or used item once a month. We believe this helps instill the lesson of saving money and budgeting. The oldest kid once saved enough money to buy a Nintendo DS which was over $100 at the time. He was only in the 1st grade. The children have a job jar which has slips of paper with job assignments and the money value written on them which gives them the opportunity to earn extra money if they wish. There is a maximum amount of $25 that they may earn weekly. This helps teach them that if they want extra money they have to work extra hard for it. Please note, that not every chore is something they will be paid for. There are chores that they do that are called "family chores" because it is something that benefits the entire family and everyone in the household does it. Source: Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace Jr. By linex_4 from San Antonio, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
At our local funeral home families are given the chance to chose the music they would like to enter the service to. One family asked to enter to Elvis Presley's hit, "Love me Tender." The day of the funeral arrived and the music was started ready for the family to walk in to the service. Unfortunately the wrong track number was entered into the CD player, and the family found themselves walking in to, "Return to Sender."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A guy took his girl friend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' Hel-LLLO! It's only 25 cents! I'd hate to think what they'd do, if it was a whole DOLLAR!

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How to use MailWasher? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, October 23

As I am writing this, it is 2 degrees below freezing out.
I will be wearing my warm jacket when I go look for the
falling stars later on. They are due shortly after moonrise.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else. --- Will Rogers Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein. --- Joe Theismann "Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." --- Douglas Adams
Ma and Pa were two hillbillies living in West Virginia out on a farm up in the hills. Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full. He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn't know what to do to empty the hole. Ma says, "Why don't you go ask the young'n down the road? He must be smart 'cause he's a college gradjyate." So Pa drives down to the neighbor's house and asks him, "Mr. College gradjyate, my outhouse hole is full, and I don't know what to do to empty it." The young one tells him, "Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. Put them both under the outhouse and light them both at the same time. The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse in the air. While it's in the air the second one will then go off and spread the poop all across your farm, fertilizing your ground. The outhouse should then come back down to the same spot atop the now-empty hole." Pa thanks the neighbor, then drives to the hardware store and picks up two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. He goes home and puts them under the outhouse. He then lights them and runs behind a tree. All of a sudden, Ma comes running out of the house and into the outhouse! Off goes the first stick of dynamite ..... shooting the outhouse into the air. BOOM! Off goes the second stick of dynamite ..... spreading poop all over the farm. WHAM! The outhouse comes crashing back down atop the hole. Pa races to the outhouse, throws open the door and asks, "Ma, are you all right??!!" As she pulls up her pants, she says... "Yeah, but I'm sure glad I didn't fart in the kitchen. -------------------------- When I was living in the bush in the Yukon, dynamite was indeed the solution every winter. However, like most outhouses there, mine was on skids and easy to hitch up to a dog team and tow over a "fixed" hole. When the temperature does not rise above -30 for weeks, the contents of a hole don't slump down and level out, but build a very annoying pyramid. The easiest way to bust that pyramid is to tow the outhouse a few feet away, and toss some explosives into the hole. Dynamite had already gone out of fashion by then, and Pillow-Packs were a favorite for that chore. Pillow-Packs were 6"x6" pillows of plastic explosives mixed with metal shavings. They exploded quickly enough, so that they did not need enclosures, like dynamite or black-powder needs, and the metal shavings worked just fine in shredding the pyramid. Then it was just a matter of towing the outhouose back over the "fixed" hole.
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This 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last 10 years, possibly due to her interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they oohed and aahed, the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied. "This is Heaven." Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course in the backyard. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course would change to a new one, representing the great golf courses on Earth. The old man asked, "What are the greens fees?" Peter's reply, "This is Heaven -- you play for free." Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is Heaven, it's FREE!" Peter replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. Peter lectured, "That's the best part -- you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven." With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat, stomping on it, and shrieking wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here 10 years ago!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Bobbi Jean Farrell, 34, Chamblee, Georgia Bond returns Scammer A former Chamblee Police Department employee was indicted Thursday for altering traffic citations to get refunds for the offenders, then keeping the money herself. A former Chamblee Police Department employee was indicted Thursday for altering traffic citations to get refunds for the offenders, then keeping the money herself. Bobbi Jean Farrell, 34, is charged with racketeering, two counts of falsifying official documents and four counts of theft by taking for filching about $3,000 over a three-month period. Between April and June of this year, Farrell is accused of changing citations to show that prosecutors dropped charges, and subsequently creating bogus city bond refund forms to return cash deposited for bail back to the offenders, according to the indictment. She then intercepted checks cut for each of the offenders and deposited the money into her own bank account. “She would target Hispanic offenders,” the chief said. When applying for a refund, offenders could opt to pick up the money or request a check be mailed. Johnson said Farrell would put her address on the applications then sign her name to the checks before depositing them. He said she stole as many as seven checks, although the indictment only accounts for four.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sig Re: How to use MailWasher Dear Webby: I need your help. I used mailwasher successfully with several email programs. Microsoft Outlook is now installed and I would like to use mailwasher with this software. What needs to be done to make it work? Sig Dear Sig 1) Set the address, that you want to wash, into the MailWasher accounts. 2) Set Outlook to NOT automatically check mail every so often. 3) Tell MailWasher that your currently favorite email client is Outlook. That's all there is to it. MailWasher will check and wash the mail and show you the list of what is left for a final glance. You may add another letter or two to the to be deleted list, or take the Delete checkmark off one. When all is as it should be, hit F6 MailWasher then does the washing and hands the baton over to Outlook. Depending on the version of Outlook you got, it will take the hint and download the washed mail, or it will just open and sit there looking silly. In that case, hit the CHECK MAIL button. Since all the spam has already been nuked, that will go fast. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The new family in the neighborhood overslept, and their six- year-old daughter missed her school bus. The father, though late for work, had to drive her if she'd direct him to the school. They rode several blocks before she told him to turn the first time, several more before she indicated another turn. This went on for 20 minutes - but when they finally reached the school, it proved to be only a block from their home. The father, much annoyed, asked his daughter why she'd led him around in such a circle. The child explained, "That's the way the school bus goes, Daddy. It's the only way I know."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Chore Jar for Kids to Earn Extra Money I have two children who love toys, just like any other child. We have given them an allowance since the age of 4, for which they have to earn by performing chores. With this money, they are allowed to purchase a new or used item once a month. We believe this helps instill the lesson of saving money and budgeting. The oldest kid once saved enough money to buy a Nintendo DS which was over $100 at the time. He was only in the 1st grade. The children have a job jar which has slips of paper with job assignments and the money value written on them which gives them the opportunity to earn extra money if they wish. There is a maximum amount of $25 that they may earn weekly. This helps teach them that if they want extra money they have to work extra hard for it. Please note, that not every chore is something they will be paid for. There are chores that they do that are called "family chores" because it is something that benefits the entire family and everyone in the household does it. Source: Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace Jr. By linex_4 from San Antonio, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Bob for this: After enlisting in the 82nd Airborne Division, I eagerly asked my Recruiter what I could expect from jump school. "Well," he said, "its three weeks long." "What else," I asked. "The first week they separate the men from the boys," he said. "The second week, they separate the men from the fools." "And the third week?" I asked. "The third week, the fools jump."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: "I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave." At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his desk and found this note: "Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. Today is Wednesday, the day YOU drive."

» Fast Food Flops







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Daily Tips 

Skip the Fancy Fabric Softener
That doesn't mean you have to put up with scratchy clothes!
Besides being a pain to remember, fabric softener is one of those extra expenses you can cut without sacrificing.
You can still get the soft clothes you love by using those plastic nubbed balls they sell for your dryer.
Simply toss the balls in with your clothes and they'll do the work of that fabric softener for a lot less money.

Take your bananas apart when you get home from the store.
If you leave them connected at the stem, they ripen faster.

Store your opened chunks of cheese in aluminum foil.
It will stay fresh much longer and not mold!

Peppers with 3 bumps on the bottom are sweeter and better for eating.
Peppers with 4 bumps on the bottom are firmer and better for cooking.

Add a teaspoon of water when frying ground beef.
It will help pull the grease away from the meat while cooking.

For a cool brownie treat, make brownies as directed.
Melt Andes mints in double broiler and pour over warm brownies. Let set for a wonderful minty frosting.

Easy Deviled Eggs Put cooked egg yolks in a zip lock bag. Seal, mash till they are all broken up.
Add remainder of ingredients, reseal, keep mashing it up, mixing thoroughly, cut the tip of the baggy, squeeze mixture into egg.
Just throw bag away when done -- easy clean up.



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She loves MailWasher 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, October 22

Thanks Jim!

We had an icy and rude wind while I went for my walk. 
There sure was no gullible warming here! If this keeps up,
I definitely will have to dig out the Calgary Flames hoodie.
It's still from the days, when they were bright red. 

By the time I went out again after 2 am to watch the 
Orion shower for a bit, the wind had slowed down quite
a bit. By the way, if your sky is clear, there should be more
falling stars between midnight and morning tonight.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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please donate what you can!

Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them. --- Leo Tolstoy Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace. --- Oscar Wilde
An off-ramp of a freeway in Long Beach, CA, has been torn up for years. Recently, someone put up a handmade sign reading, "Scientists tell us that the sun will burn out in one and a half billion years. It is sad that this contractor will have to finish working in the dark."
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Woman's Dictionary Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No I'm sorry = You'll be sorry We need = I want It's your decision = My correct decision should be obvious by now Do what you want = You'll pay for this later We need to talk = I need to complain Sure go ahead = I don't want you to I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron FINE! = Of course I'm upset, you moron Nothing = if you dont realize what I am upset ubout, I definitely won't tell you. This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house I want new curtains = carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Heroin for sale fliers to get police action PORTLAND -- A North Portland home was raided Tuesday after fliers throughout the neighborhood advertised drug sales at the address, police said. Of the seven adults inside the home during the raid, six were arrested on various drug charges. A teenager in the home was placed in protective custody. Early Tuesday morning police executed a search warrant at a home in the 3900 block of N Massachusetts Avenue, according to Lt. Robert King with the Portland Police Bureau. Officers said they found nearly marijuana, heroin, a sawed-off shotgun, thousands of dollars in cash and the materials for a methamphetamine lab inside the home. "The neighborhood response team began this investigation over a year ago because of numerous neighborhood complaints," King said. "At one point a neighbor gave officers an 8" by 10" flier, supposedly found in the neighborhood that said 'Heroin for sale' and gave the address and the names of the dealers." People in the area had been complaining to police for over a year. Neighbors were grateful that the investigation led to arrests. "It was taxpayer money at work. It was great," said neighbor Doug Barrett. "It's what we've been lobbying for, so it was a great relief and we told them so." "They came out smiling; they were happy to see us," said Sgt. John Birkinbine of the positive response from the neighbors. "A lady brought a bucket full of fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies to us to tell us thank you. We felt like fire fighters for a few minutes. It was good." Heroin4sale.jpg
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Alice Re: MailWasher Dear Webby, I just wanted to thank you for suggesting the MailWasher. I was about to pull my hair out with all of the spam e-mails. Now it is a breeze to check my e-mails. Thank you so much. Alice Dear Alice Just wait until you start playing with the filters! Then you will really feel the power you have. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A convict managed to escape from prison and his escape was the lead item on the six o'clock news. So that he would not be captured, he ran through fields and traveled through back woods until he reached his wife's house. When he reached the house, he rang the bell, his wife opened the door and screamed, "You lousy bum! Where and with whom have you been? You escaped two days ago!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Guitar Picks from Repurposed Items I recently found an old wallet from somewhere I lived years ago. In it I re-discovered old library cards, bank cards, etc. Instead of throwing them out, I grabbed my snips and made myself some guitar picks! For softer strengths, use milk jugs or plastic lids. By AlaskanAurora from Dutch Harbor, AK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Dr. Leroy, the head psychiatrist at the local mental hospital, is examining patients to see if they're cured and ready to re-enter society. "So, Mr. Clark," the doctor says to one of his patients, "I see by your chart that you've been recommended for dismissal. Do you have any idea what you might do once you're released?" The patient thinks for a moment, then replies, "Well, I went to school for mechanical engineering. That's still a good field, good money there. "But on the other hand, I thought I might go back to college and study art history, which I've grown interested in lately, or maybe website design." Dr. Leroy nods and says, "Yes, those all sound like intriguing possibilities." The patient replies, "And the best part is, in my spare time, I can continue being a teapot and post stuff to Yahoo groups."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Some teachers at state universities get to know their students fairly well. One instructor told his communications class of his plans to propose marriage. A student spoke up and said that he had recently asked his girlfriend to marry him as well. "What was her answer?" the instructor asked. "I don't know," the student replied. "She hasn't e-mailed me back yet."

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Giving dope a bad name 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, October 21
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thanks Thomas!



Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends." --- Balthasar Gracian "Integrity is doing the right thing, even if nobody is watching." --- Socratex
Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!" The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!" The first kid says, "What if they try to escape?"
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You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about. Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car. Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again. Which one would you offer a ride ? Here is what I would do: I would give the car keys to my old friend, so that he can warm up while he takes the old lady to the hospital. And I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams, and hope the bus is stuck in the snow somehwere."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Amy Horman, 24, of Perryville, Missouri Amy Leigh Brown, 35, of Nebo, North Carolina Judy Weible, 61, in Pearl, Mississippi Giving dope a bad name Here are three, but there were more. PERRYVILLE, MO (AP) - A Missouri woman's text message to the wrong number has landed her in jail. The Southeast Missourian reports that 24-year-old Amy Horman of Perryville offered drugs for sale in the text - but inadvertently sent it to a Perry County deputy sheriff. Deputies searched Horman's home. Sheriff Gary Schaaf says they seized 3/4 of a pound of marijuana, along with scales used for processing, packaging and selling marijuana. Horman is charged with felony distribution of a controlled substance and misdemeanor unlawful use of drug paraphernalia. A second woman is also charged. Both are jailed. ------------ NEBO, North Carolina – Authorities in North Carolina said they arrested Amy Leigh Brown whose wrong-number text about a drug deal was received by a sheriff’s deputy. The McDowell County Sheriff’s Office said Deputy P.V. Alkire received a text message from a number he did not recognize from a sender who identified herself as Amy and asked if he wanted business tonight. The sender said she was selling bones, a street term for the prescription anti-anxiety drug Xanax, and Alkire arranged to purchase 10 of the pills at Nebo Truck Stop. The deputy arrived for the sale and found the car described by the seller. The passenger in the car, Amy Leigh Brown, 35, was arrested and charged with intent to sell and deliver a Schedule IV controlled substance. Investigators said Brown was carrying 25 generic Xanax pills. ---------------- A Pearl woman is behind bars for accidentally trying to sell drugs to a Hinds County Sheriff’s Deputy over the phone, a sheriff’s department spokesman said. Judy Weible, 61, apparently dialed a wrong number last night to sell painkillers, and inadvertently got an investigator with the Hinds County Sheriff’s Department’s Street Crimes Task Force. The investigator thought the call had to be a joke, so he ignored it, said HCSO spokesman Lt. Jeff Scott. Once the woman called back and text-messaged several times, investigators made arrangements to meet her. When they did, they arrested her with 30 hydrocodone pills, Scott said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Janine Re: Ho'mail Malfunction Dear Webby, I have not been getting your Humor Letter for the last one week. Please send me those that I've missed and please keep me on the - Subscribing List! Thanks Janine Dear Janine You ARE on the subscriber list. The Humor letter has been sent out to you every day. Ho'mail, Yahoo and Charter.net are not reliable and frequently steal the Humor Letter. Until you get a decent email address, you may have to read the Humor letter on-line at http://webby.com/humor to see what was stolen from your email. Have FUN! DearWebby
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According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated: WASH. BIOL. SURV. until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper: "Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you, it was horrible." The bands are now marked Fish and Wildlife Service.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Gift Tags from Wallpaper We bought a house that needed to be decorated, so we bought a ton of wallpaper. When we were finished we had 20 rolls left. My daughter and I decided to make gift cards out of the leftovers for every holiday and birthdays. We used the following materials: a paper cutter, a one hole punch, and stamps with sayings on them. What beautiful cards they turned out to be and we are making some extra cash on the side. This has turned out to be a full time business as well. Who would have thought? Now we have the whole family buying wallpaper for us and crafting as well, so many ideas to use the leftovers from our house. By Lori from Middlefield, OH http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A farmer runs into the pastor of his church after missing the morning sevice. "I'm sorry I missed you this morning", the pastor says. "Well, Rev'rund", the farmer says,"I had some hay to put up before the rain. I figured it was better to sit on the tractor thinking about God than to sit in church thinking about the hay getting wasted."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books. Willie came up to the teacher's desk and said, "Miss Francis, I ain't got no crayons." "Willie," Miss Francis said, "you mean, "I don't have any crayons. You don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons. They don't have any crayons. Do you see what I'm getting at?" "Not really," Willie said, "What did you do with all them crayons, that nobody ain't got?"

» Furball Friday







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McAfee Spam Problem 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, October 20

Today I managed a brisk walk to Main Street, and from there 
up to the water tower, without getting winded or dizzy. That is
definitely a milestone.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. --- Mark Twain
Laura's husband, Ron, was called into his bank to discuss his accounts. "Your finances are in terrible shape," the banker stated. "Your checking account is overdrawn, your loan is overdue." "Yes, I know." said Ron. "It's my wife Laura, she is out of control." "Why do you allow your wife to spend more money than you have ?" asked the banker. "Frankly," replied Ron with a deep sigh, "because I'd rather argue with you than with her."
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Old man Johnson limped into the doctor's office and said, "Doc, my right knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!" The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then said, "Mr. Johnson, just how old are you?" "98!" Johnson announced proudly. The doctor just sighed, and looked at him again. . . Finally he said, "Sir, I'm sorry. I mean, just look at you. You're practically one hundred years old, and you're complaining that your knee hurts? Well, what did you expect?" The old man said, "Well, my other knee is 98 years old too, and it doesn't hurt!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Lillian Jennen, 56, 7 pounds of dope, and no seatbelt OCTOBER 19--A Florida Keys woman caught with about seven pounds of marijuana in her car told police that she was not trafficking the pot, but rather needed the large stash to counteract symptoms from her rheumatoid arthritis. Not buying that shaky explanation, cops arrested Lillian Jennen, 56, for felony drug possession. Acting on a tip that Jennen was transporting marijuana, Monroe County Sheriff’s Office deputies stopped her car Friday evening as it traveled southbound on U.S. 1 (she was not wearing a seatbelt). During questioning, Jennen seemed “nervous” and “her hands were shaking and her respirations appeared to be rapid,” according to a sheriff’s report. A deputy also detected the smell of “fresh marijuana.” Which, of course, resulted in the search of Jennen and her 1998 Saturn SL. During questioning, Jennen “admitted to having seven pounds of marijuana in the vehicle that she paid $5,000.00 in Miami.” She also told deputies that she “suffers from Rheumatoid Arthritis and uses the marijuana to relieve her pain.” She added that the recovered cash was intended for the purchase of additional pot, but “she changed her mind and decided to only buy the seven pounds.” Jennen was booked into the Marathon Jail on a drug possession charge. Released on her own recognizance, she was also issued a seat belt citation.
From: Goldy Re: McAfee Spam problem Good Afternoon Webby, I enjoy your letter every morning but can you tell me why it is going to my McAfee Spam folder instead of my in box e-mail? Keep up the good work and I'm glad you are better and walking. Thank you for all of your wonderful help and advice. Regards, Goldy Dear Goldy McAfee has the best virus control, but when it comes to spam, they are pathetic, just as bad as Norton. I use MailWasher for Spam control. It works, and is easy to configure and to teach. The Artificial Intelligence built in lets it learn, what I like and what I don't like. With mailwasher you can make positive and negative filters, filters to protect good stuff, and to dump bad stuff. You can, for example, make a filter, that allows mail from your spouse through, even if certain watches or drugs are discussed, but if anybody else mentions those, the mail gets nuked, unseen, on the server. Creating filters with Mailwasher is easy, like a quick game. And a lot of the spam is flagged for deletion even without having to make filters. Initially you just put your friends into the Friends list, and see what else might be needed. Then you tweak and tune it, until it dumps all spam and does not mess with mail, that you want. I have used MailWasher for a dozen years and have not seen anything, that comes even close. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Bill for this one: Recently, I called to make reservations on a small charter plane that departs from Teterboro airport in New Jersey. I knew that I would be flying in a very small plane, so I was not surprised when the clerk said, "The plane is very full with baggage and passengers." Then she asked, "How much do you weigh, sir?" Not thinking clearly I answered, "With or without clothes?" "Well," said the clerk, "how do you intend to travel?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Gift Tags from Wallpaper We bought a house that needed to be decorated, so we bought a ton of wallpaper. When we were finished we had 20 rolls left. My daughter and I decided to make gift cards out of the leftovers for every holiday and birthdays. We used the following materials: a paper cutter, a one hole punch, and stamps with sayings on them. What beautiful cards they turned out to be and we are making some extra cash on the side. This has turned out to be a full time business as well. Who would have thought? Now we have the whole family buying wallpaper for us and crafting as well, so many ideas to use the leftovers from our house. By Lori from Middlefield, OH http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them kept complaining of family problems. Finally, the other man said, "You think you have family problems? I'm from West Virginia. Tings get a lot more complicated there. A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter, and we got married. Later my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law. "Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son, but he was also the son of my wife's daughter, which made him my wife's grandson. That made me the grandfather of my half-brother. "This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the grandmother. This makes my father the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife. I'm my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I'm my own grandfather! "And you think you have family problems!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
While talking with my semi-deaf uncle one evening, I noticed that his "hearing aid" was actually an earphone from a transistor radio. The wire had been cut and was sticking out of his shirt. "How does that help your hearing?" I asked. "It doesn't help my hearing none," he replied. "But it makes people talk louder."

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How to make Gmail the default email program? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, October 19

TOTUS stolen in Virginia
The truck carrying the TOTUS, (the Teleprompter Of The United States)
podiums, and audio equipment was stolen in Virginia.
The truck was parked at the Virginia Center Commons 
Courtyard Marriott in advance on Wednesday’s presidential 
visit to Chesterfield. Sources said inside that vehicle was the TOTUS,
about $200,000 worth of sound equipment, several bullet-proof
podiums and presidential seals.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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A person who trusts no one can't be trusted. --- Jerome Blattner Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers. --- Edward Shepherd Mead
A fellow evidently under the influence was trying desperately to catch a train back to his suburban home. Three times he got on the wrong train. Each time he was told that he would have to take another train. When he boarded a fourth train he slumped down in a seat beside a clergyman, whose eyes, ears and nose told him that this new passenger had been drinking too much. He told our besotted friend: "Brother, may I tell you that you are traveling the rough and rocky road to damnation." To which the drunk replied: "Don't tell me I'm on the wrong train again!"
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A Prayer For Moms And Dads Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray my sanity to keep. For if some peace I do not find, I'm pretty sure I'll lose my mind. I pray I find a little quiet Far from the daily family riot May I lie back--not have to think about what they're stuffing down the sink, or who they're with, or where they're at and what they're doing to the cat. I pray for time all to myself (did something just fall off a shelf?) To cuddle in my nice, soft bed (Oh no, another goldfish--dead!) Some silent moments for goodness sake (Did I just hear a window break?) And that I need not cook or clean-- (well heck, I've got the right to dream) Yes now I lay me down to sleep, I pray my wits about me keep, But as I look around I know-- I must have lost them long ago!
Thanks to Sue for this picture: Click through for the large version. Good morning Webby The Muskrat is a regular visitor to our yard, his home is the dugout out back. Sue
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Teddy Deavers, 24 from Gaithersburg, MD Burglar calls cops for a ride FREDERICK, Md. -- Frederick police say a burglary suspect called them to ask for a ride home after he spent five hours out in the cold. Police said Sunday that they took 24-year-old Teddy Deavers into custody instead. The Gaithersburg man was being held Monday on burglary and conspiracy charges and couldn't be reached for comment. Police say Deavers and three others were spotted stealing copper from a construction site late Saturday night. Officers quickly caught three of the men. But they say Deavers remained at large until nearly 5 a.m., when he called police from a gas station and demanded a ride home. They say Deavers complained that he was cold and wet. Overnight temperatures were in the upper 40s.
From: Hank Re: Make Gmail the default mail Dear Webby, How do I make gmail my go to email. in IE, I select TOOLS, then INTERNET OPTIONS, then PROGRAMS. then EMAIL. How do I get GMAIL on the selection list here? . I was told I need a special program from GMAIL or MICROSOFT. can you help. When I am in a program and I have a selection saying EMAIL THIS, I would like it to go to Gmail compose. Now it goes to yahoo mail front page. Thanks Hank Dear Hank Microsoft gets into a snit when you use a better email program, and especially in W7 make it tricky to set a non-Microsoft email program as the default. To get around that childish behavior, you have to tediously hack around in the Registry, or get a little helper from Gmail to do that for you. They call it a Notifier. It notifies or calls Gmail and opens it. http://mail.google.com/mail/help/notifier/ Just download and run it, Right-click the Notifier icon in your system tray, Select Options. Check the box next to Use Gmail for internet mailto: links. Click OK. That should do the trick. Have FUN! DearWebby
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From Bella The fragrance department of a major New York City store where I shop is always pushing the latest scents. Attractive models move about the floor offering to spray customers with the newest bouquet. One day, outside the store's restaurant, a model sprayed two women who had just finished their lunch. When one woman com- mented that the perfume was too strong, the model replied, "The fragrance will be softer once it dries and the alcohol wears off." "Shee!" her friend chided. "I told you not to have that shecond dwrink."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Touch-up Paint in Film Canisters Save film canisters and use them to store small amounts of leftover paint for touch-ups. Label each one and store in a handy place. Instead of a label, you can also just paint a part of the film canister lid with the paint for quick reference. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
At one point in my life I had considered joining the Baptist Church. For those of you who don't know, the Baptists practice total body immersion to baptize a person. Luckily I even knew a minister in that faith, since I was dating his daughter and it was her idea to start out with. I asked him if he would consider performing the service. He paused a minute or two, gave me a long thoughtful look and said, "Well, if you're serious about this, a dipping just won't do it for you. We'll have to find a place to anchor you overnight."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The teller had just been robbed for the third time by the same man, and was being asked by a police officer if she had noticed anything specific about the criminal. "Well, yes," said the teller. "He appears to be better dressed each time."

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Second monitor for a laptop 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, October 18

OK, OK! I will keep doing the International Bonehead Awards!
That was a very refreshing storm of protest! I have not
received that much mail from subscribers for an awfully long time.
I will continue to do them, with mug shots.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"Never let yesterday use up too much of today." --- Will Rogers
A motorist was on trial for hitting a pedestrian. The motorist's lawyer made this point: "Your honor, my client has been driving for over thirty years." To which the lawyer for the plaintiff retorted: "Your honor, if we are going to judge this case by experience, may I remind you that my client has over 55 years of walking experience."
NOW the link works! Sorry about that.
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One Sunday afternoon, the Pastor's wife dropped into an easy chair saying, "Boy! Am I ever tried!" Her husband looked over at her and said, "I had to conduct two special services last night, three today, and give a total of five sermons. Why are you so tired?" "Dearest," she replied, "I had to pretend to listen to ALL of them!"
A lot of people asked me for the name of that yellow tree. Sorry, I don't know. A few people narrowed it down to a tree in Bolivia, but that is as close as anybody got. Click through for the big picture. On the war path again!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Sang Eun Lee, 38, in Richmond Hill, Ontario, Canada Too drunk for a bra A drunk driver, who was told to remove her AA underwire bra, still broke the law, a judge ruled Thursday. If she had not been drunk, she would not have been locked up in the drunk tank. Sang Eun Lee, 38, tried to beat an impaired driving rap by accusing York Regional Police of violating her rights when they seized her underwire bra during an alleged illegal strip search after her arrest Jan. 30, 2010. But an Ontario court judge determined the woman wasn’t strip searched at all, and the arresting officer, a woman, was justified in ordering her remove the undergarment at the police station for the safety of herself, officers and other detainees. That is normal procedure with incarceration, not just with obnoxious drunks. Same as belts and shoe laces, anything, that could aid a drunk in commiting suicide or a further crime, is confiscated. “She did not arbitrarily select the defendant and decide to humiliate her,” Justice Anne-Marie Hourgian said of the officer in her ruling. The judge also pointed out Const. Jennifer Martin took Lee to a private room and didn’t actually ask her to strip. The officer testified she was “surprised” when Lee took off her shirt to remove her bra, Hourgian said. Martin expected she’d remove the bra through a shirt-sleeve, the judge said. In some jurisdictions, that is a common sobriety test. And she never inspected Lee’s chest, which she would have if she were conducting a strip search. She just made sure, that the drunk did not have that dangerous underwire while alone in the drunk tank. Standard procedure anywhere. Court heard that on the night in question Lee was drinking at Archibald’s on Yonge St., south of 16th Ave. When she left the Richmond Hill bar, staff had to help her to a taxi. The cab driver had testified there was a dispute and Lee decided to get out and drive herself home. The concerned cabbie called 911. Police caught up with Lee as she entered her townhouse complex several blocks away on Shaftsbury Ave. and parked in the wrong driveway. They claimed she was “dazed” and had problems with rolling down her window. She also stumbled and staggered when she got out of her car. Lee testified she was scared by the police presence and thought there may be some sort of emergency at her home. The Korean woman also claimed, through an interpreter, she didn’t understand the cops because they spoke in English. Lee’s lawyer, Leora Shemesh, asked the case be thrown out citing several Charter of Rights violations. She claimed police didn’t have probable cause to stop Lee, they didn’t explain her right to council in her native language and they conducted an unwarranted strip search. Canada's official languages are English and French. Talking like a drunk is not mentioned in the Charter of Rights. Justice Hourgian dismissed the Charter allegations and said she had doubts about Lee’s “credibility” after hearing “many inconsistancies” in her testimony. “I found her to be evasive in her answers to questions during cross-examination,” Hourgian said. The judge pointed out Lee attended an English university in the U.S. from 1993 to 1997 before coming to Canada. Hourgian also noted in surveillance video from the police station Lee had no trouble following officers’ instructions when she was arrested. Just another drunk. Lee was found guilty of impaired operation of a motor vehicle, no matter what language she was drunk in.
From: Rev Farren Re: Second monitor beside a laptop Dear Webby, I use a laptop for the internet...But I have an extra screen I had for my bigger puter... I found the cords for the extra screen and hooked them up...but now I can only work on the extra... I would like to be able to use both at the same time if possible...I do remember that you answered this question in the past... But I need help now? Please. Rev. Farren P Dear Rita Dear Rev Farren To use two monitors, you need a special video card. With laptops the video "card" is usually just a section on the motherboard, and space for additional, real, video cards is usually not sufficient. Contact the maker of your laptop, and ask them if they have add-on video cards for dual monitor operation. Dell, for example, makes a USB video card for $60 The USB 2.0 External Video Card allows you to connect an extra monitor to your desktop PC or laptop's USB port. The connected monitor can be configured to either clone your primary screen, or extend the Windows desktop allowing visibility of more applications at the same time. The USB 2.0 External Video Card driver used to control the extra screen uses very little computer resource and offers a vast array of screen resolutions and color depths. This ensures that there is little difference in performance between a directly connected screen and a screen connected through the USB 2.0 External Video Card. Probably other makers have similar external video cards, and with some searching around, you can probably find generic ones for around $15. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A mother traveled 2,000 miles to be with her only son on the day he was to receive his Air Force wings and also get married. "It was wonderful," she said later. "It isn't every day that a mother watches her son receive his wings in the morning and have them clipped in the evening."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Leftover Cafe Need a fun way to get your family to eat leftovers? We have a "Leftover Cafe" night once a week. We decorate the table with fake flowers and candles, and play some music in the background. Taking turns each week, one of my daughters sorts through the fridge for leftovers from recent meals. Another makes a menu listing each food available. My little one just draws pictures, while my older daughter writes descriptions similar to what you might find on a fancy restaurant menu. One is the waitress, taking everyone's orders on a pad of paper and bringing them to the table with a French accent. I am, of course, the cook and am in charge of reheating everything. The kids think it's a blast, and actually eat more leftovers this way. Plus, it's great family time. Who knew eating leftovers could be so fun? By volvomom from San Diego, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A guy goes to the psychiatrist. "Doctor," says the guy, "I feel as if I'm two different people! Two totally different personalities. Do you think I need help? Can you help me? Am I doing the right thing seeing a psychiatrist?" "Stop! Stop!!" says the doc. "Please, one at a time."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Quick Test 1) Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days? 2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills have been taken? 3) I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm? 4) Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get? 5) A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left? 6) If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would you light first? 7) A man builds a house with four sides of rectangular construction, each side having a southern exposure. A big bear comes along. What color is the bear? 8) Take 2 apples from 3 apples. What do you have? 9) How many animals of each species did Moses take with him in the Ark? 10) If you drove a bus with 43 people on board from Chicago and stopped at Pittsburgh to pick up 7 more people and drop off 5 passengers and at Cleveland to drop off 8 passengers and pick up 4 more and eventually arrive at Philadelphia 20 hours later, what's the name of the driver? Answers: 1) All of them. Every month has at least 28 days. 2) 1 hour. If you take a pill at 1 o'clock, then another at 1.30 and the last at 2 o'clock, they will be taken in 1 hour. 3) 1 hour. It is a wind up alarm clock which cannot discriminate between am & pm. 4) 70. Dividing by half is the same as multiplying by 2. 5) 9 live sheep. 6) The match. 7) White. If all walls face south, the house must be on the North Pole. 8) 2 apples. I HAVE 3 APPLES, YOU TAKE 2, WHAT DO YOU HAVE? 9) None. It was Noah, not Moses. 10) YOU are the driver.

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Soft versus hard date in spreadsheets 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, October 17

Mowed for the last time for this year. When I went outside
in the morning, it seemed comfortable enough in the sun shine
at the back door, and I figured I would warm up from the 
exercise anyway.

So I went out in shorts and short sleeve shirt.
After a while I figured, that if I wasn't so tough, I would
probably put on some gloves. And thought that was funny.

Then a neighbor walked by, dressed in long coat and warm
cap. She is in her eighties and I figured more sensitive to
the temperature. She stopped and ranted at me, that I was 
going to catch a cold, so I told her, with hot babes like her
strutting by, it was plenty warm enough.

She didn't know whether to hit me with her cane or yell
at me, but she had a friendly grin on as she continued down
the sidewalk.

When I finished mowing and came in, I saw that it was 
three degrees above freezing outside. No wonder my fingers
had been cold and yearning for gloves!

Well, no more mowing this year. I just hope we don't get a
lot of snow. I am not supposed to do any shoveling. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Liberals claim to want to give a hearing to other views, but then are shocked and offended to discover, that there are other views. --- William F Buckley Jr.
From Bob: About 90 fifth-graders piled into the airliner I was flying, on their way home from a school trip. Once we were in the air, and the crew began serving drinks, I could hear them pleading with the children to settle down and let the other passengers get some sleep. No amount of reasoning seemed to help, until I thought of the solution that actually worked. I picked up the PA mike in the cockpit and announced, "Children, this is the captain speaking. Don't make me stop this airplane and come back there!"
If you have an iPad and wonder, how you can use more than 1% of it's capabilities, then you need this book!

From Marv: Our seven-year-old daughter was thrilled when we took her to Disney World for the first time, and she headed straight for Space Mountain. I worried that the roller coaster would be too scary for her, but she insisted. To her delight, we rode it twice. The next year we returned to the Magic Kingdom, and my daughter, now eight, again dragged me to Space Mountain. As we stood in line, though, I could see her soberly studying the signs that warn about the ride's speed. "Dad," she said, "I don't think I want to go." I asked her why she would be nervous when she had enjoyed herself last time. She replied, "This year, I can read."
Thanks to Cookie for this picture: Click through for the big picture.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD There has not been any feedback or comments about the International Bonehead Awards for a long time. I wonder if anybody notices if they are missing?
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rita Re: soft versus hard date in spradsheet Dear Webby, my husband is using a spreadsheet as a daily log. I'm not complaining, it's a great improvement over a loose pile of cigarette packages with semi-legible scribbles. The problem is that he used a formula that puts in the current date. @(today). Every midnight each date changes to the current date. I realize, all the past dates are lost. How can I rig it so that new dates put in stay nailed down to THAT date ? Thanks Rita Dear Rita In Quattro, tell him to use CTRL D instead. That just puts the date number into the field. If that column is formatted for displaying the date, it will show as the date, but the value in the cell is a number, not a formula, and it won't change. In Excel it is similar, but not as easy to remember. Instead of D for Date, Excel uses the semi-colon ; CTRL ; inserts a static date that does not change. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Some racehorses are standing in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 16 races, I've won 8 of them!" Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 20!!" "Oh that's good, but in the last 37 races, I've won 29!" says another, flicking his tail. At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 91 races, I've won 89 of them!" The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Ice off the Car Winter in Alaska where we live can be so harsh! No matter where you live, though, scraping ice off of your car in the early morning is just no one's idea of fun. This is the BEST WAY to keep your windshield frost free. Wipe the windows and windshield of your vehicle down with white vinegar, undiluted, after you park your car for the night. This will prevent frost from building on your car, and who doesn't LOVE that? By AlaskanAurora from Dutch Harbor, AK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Bill and Mary were married for 50 years and decided they wanted to renew their vows and planned a second wedding. They were discussing the details with their friends. Mary wasn't going to wear a traditional bridal gown and she started describing the dress she was planning to wear. One of her friends asked what colour shoes she had to go with the dress. Mary replied, "Silver." At that point, Bill chimed in, "Yep silver - to match her hair." Shooting a glaring look at Bill's bald spot, Mary's friend sweetly said, "So Bill, I guess you are going barefoot."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall: $500 If we fail to fill your order! When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant nuts on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose! The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customer's table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, "You got me this time buddy, but I want you to know that's the first time in ten years we've been out of rye bread!"

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How to move programs 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, October 16

Thanks, Hermon!
Thanks, Sig G.!

Tonight I mention another forgotten wall flower in the
Thech Support Pits: Laplink Mover
Yeah, you have seen it there in the left side margin for 
the last 17 years or so, but just ignored it. Well, it is 
still there.

If you have been wondering if this weeks Windows bug fix was
sabotaging your machine, you were right. It did. 

It messed with your carefully arranged start-up sequence.
Just arrange all the icons for the programs, that you used 
to have starting automatically, in one corner of the desktop,
and manually start them. Possibly the problem will be fixed
in a future bug-fix. Don't count on it, though.

If you have stalled with this weeks bug-fix, deny it. 
You are better off without it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"He who seeks a friend without fault remains without." --- Old Turkish Proverb "Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper." --- Scottish Proverb
A man was driving to work when a car ran a stop sign, hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold. The other car slid into a gas pump and caused a minor fire. Passersby pulled him from the wreck and revived him. He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so much. He said, "I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab, saw a lot of fire and behind it a huge 'HELL' sign. Until somebody moved, I did not realize that there was an 'S'!" in front of the "HELL".
If you have an iPad and wonder, how you can use more than 1% of it's capabilities, then you need this book!

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dameka L. Bryant, 37 Half naked fight about ribs Police said an argument over some barbeque Monday night resulted in fighting and property damage. According to Iowa City Police criminal complaints, officers were called to 1231 Sandusky Drive at 11:25 p.m. Monday for a report of an argument outside. Officers said they found a woman, later identified as 37-year-old Dameka L. Bryant, of 1958 Broadway St., standing in the driveway of the residence wearing only her bra and panties. Police said the residents of the home said Bryant had returned after leaving earlier from a barbeque. The residents told police Bryant became angry about the residents eating what she considered her barbecue ribs. The residents allegedly told Bryant to leave, at which point she kicked two holes in the drywall and threatened to beat them up. Police said Bryant ended up outside the residence after a scuffle inside. Bryant showed signs of intoxication, but would not consent to a breath test, police said. Bryant was placed under arrest for fifth-degree criminal mischief and public intoxication. Police said Bryant tried to pull away from officers after being handcuffed and kicked at the officers. She also refused to put her feet inside the squad car and had to be pulled in from the opposite side. Bryant was charged with interference with official acts for resisting with officers. Bryant was released on her own recognizance Tuesday morning.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Wayne Re: Moving programs I wish to take your advise on keeping the "c" drive lean (10 gigs)? But my laptop is over a year old and I don't know how to transfer programs, file, etc to my external hd or my formatted drive. Help? Dear Wayne Files, that you produced or collected, are easy. You can just drag them over there. Programs are tricky, unless you have Laplink Mover. Laplink Mover is made to migrate programs from one machine to another without any cussing and swearing. It is not quite free, but well worth it, if you want to avoid the cussing and worrying. If you don't have Laplink Mover, first you have to find the registration numbers, CD or download file. Once you have all that stuff ready, install it on the new destination, as if you were moving to a new computer. When it is working right at the new location, then you can un-install it at the old location. That is quite tedious, I know. Until you do that, just move the files, that you have produced or collected, to other drives, and install any new program, that you acquire in the future, onto the other drives. By the way, I started using Laplink Mover in the late 80's, when I was a mobile troubleshooter, like the geek squad is nowadays. In those days I used Laplink Mover and a special cable provided by Laplink to move and install programs via the printer ports of computers. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning a Can Opener To clean and disinfect the wheel of a can opener, just use white vinegar and an old tooth brush. Dip the toothbrush in the vinegar and scrub clean. Swish in hot soapy water and rinse. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Sarah's a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Sarah replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white? What did you do?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The Sunday School teacher asked her students to draw a picture of their favorite Old Testament story, and as she moved around the class, she saw there were many wonderful drawings being done. Then she came across Little Johnny who had drawn a old man driving an old car. In the back seat, there were two passengers, both scantily dressed. "It's a lovely picture," said the teacher, "but which story does it tell?" Little Johnny seemed surprised at the question. "Well," he said "that's a Plymoth Fury like Uncle Ted's got up on blocks in his yard. And it says in the Bible that God drove Adam and Eve out of the paradise in a Fury!"

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The Facts Of Life 

The Facts Of Life The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Money can't buy happiness...But it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

Always remember to pillage before you burn.

If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that no one appreciates how difficult it was.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Dave's Law: You can't fall off the floor.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from Where you left them to where you can't find them.

Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends






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