IP numbers of postcard senders 

Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, March 7

Thank you Claude!

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Today, March 7 in
1935 Malcolm Campbell set an auto speed record of 276.8 mph 
in Florida.
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp. --- Joan Rivers (1935 - ) Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. --- Elbert Hubbard Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.... --- Carl Zwanzig Gore is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts. --- Richard Brinsley Sheridan ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Little Willie asked his mother: "Mamma, don't soldiers ever go to heaven?" Of course they do!" protested his mother. "What makes you ask?" There are so many soldiers with beards but I never saw any pictures of angels with beards." Oh, that's because most MEN who go to Heaven get there by a close shave." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A man's house is on fire. No help is in sight so he takes matters into his own hands. He runs out of the house with his son and tells him to wait outside. Then he runs back in and gets is daughter and brings her ouside. Then his wife. Then the dog. Then the cat. Then he goes back in "3 more times" without bringing out anybody or anything. So a bystander is curious and asks him, "Why do you keep going back into your burning house and not coming out with anything?" The man replies, "I'm turning over my mother in law." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Reported by Helen R. An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Andrea Baber, 30, Springfield, Oregon Christian school teacher, who was caught by her husband having sex with her 15-year-old male student is sentenced to 20 months in prison A Christian school teacher who was caught by her husband having sex with her 15-year-old male student has been sentenced to just 20 months in prison. Andrea Baber, 30, was sentenced in Douglas County on Friday after she was caught having sex with the student in 2017. She pleaded guilty to three counts of third-degree rape and six counts of contributing to the sexual delinquency of a minor. As part of her plea deal, 20 other charges including sodomy and giving marijuana to a minor were dropped. She will also have to register as a sex offender. Baber, who was a teacher at Logos Christian Academy in Springfield, was arrested in 2017 after the victim's father received an anonymous email alerting him to the relationship. The email asked the boy's father if he knew his son was in a sexual relationship with Baber. Several photos were attached to the email that showed Baber and the victim in bed together. The boy's father reported it to police. Separately, Baber's husband also filed a report with child protective services after he found his wife and the boy partially clothed in the couple's bed. Police later found that Baber had sex with the student 'on a regular basis' from 2016 onward. During her sentencing, Baber apologized to the victim and his family. 'I want to extend my apologies to the victim and his family, and I am happy to serve this sentence if it satisfies the victims family, but I know I was not justified,' Baber said, according to the News-Review. In addition to jail time, Baber has also been ordered to pay the victim $1,100 for counseling. Baber was an English teacher at Logos Christian Academy in Springfield when she started having sex with the 15-year-old student.
From: Stacy Re: IP numbers of postcard senders Dear DearWebby To Whom It May Concern: Please advise who I need to send a preservation letter to in order to secure the sender IP address of the following Internet Greeting cards that were sent from .......... Detective Stacy H........ Domestic Violence Unit City of........ Dear Stacy Just reveal the header of the pick-up notice. You will see a line starting with X-STAMP. That line gives you all the gory details that you need. The date and time is in EST. It even tells you what kind of browser and what version the perp used. We invented and instituted that X-Stamp in 1995 to help people like you to find and stop abusers. Have Fun! DearWebby
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>From Lisa When I was 28, I was teaching English in a high school where occasionally the faculty and staff were allowed to dress down. One of those days I donned a sweatshirt and slacks. A student came in, and his eyes widened. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "You should wear clothes like that every day. You look twenty, maybe even thirty years younger.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"Johnny," said his teacher, "if coal is selling at $6 a ton and you pay your dealer $24, how many tons will he bring you?" "A little over three tons, ma'am," said Johnny. "Why, Johnny, that isn't right," said the teacher. "No, ma'am, I know it isn't," said Johnny, "but they all do it." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Sap on Your Car The harder the sap gets, the tougher it is to remove and the more likely it is to scratch your car's finish. Make a paste with a mild abrasive like baking soda and apply to the sap, then rub it with a rag until the sap is removed. Other products you can try are mayonnaise or WD-40. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Umbrella Magic!
___________________________________________________ The day I started my construction job, I was in the office filling out an employee form when I came to the section that asked: Single____, Married____, Divorced____. I marked single. Glancing at the man next to me, who was also filling out his form, I noticed he hadn't marked any of the blanks. Instead he had written, 'Yes, in that order.' ___________________________________________________ >From Ed Our supervisor recently made a casual comment about my shaggy mane. He then went on to extol the virtues of a good haircut, which, he insisted, makes an elderly man look younger, and a younger man seem more mature. "How would a haircut make a middle-aged man like me appear?" I asked, trying to stump him. "Still employed," he answered. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Consider the man who couldn't make up his mind what to order, no matter how long and hard he studied the menu. Finally, he turned to the waiter for help. "Well," said the waiter, "today our special is chicken on a bed of wild rice with green beans almondine and a nice side salad, with a succulent shrimp cocktail and your choice of beverage and dessert." "That sounds great. How is your chicken prepared?" "We break it to her very gently and tell her it's nothing personal!" ___________________________________________________

Today March 7 in
0322 BC Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, died. 

1774 The British closed the port of Boston to all commerce. 
That did not go over well!

1799 In Palestine, Napoleon captured Jaffa and his men massacred
more than 2,000 Albanian prisoners. 

1848 In Hawaii, the Great Mahele was signed. 

1849 The Austrian Reichstag was dissolved. 

1854 Charles Miller received a patent for the sewing machine. 

1876 Alexander Graham Bell received a patent (U.S. Patent No.
174,465) for his telephone. 

1901 A grand jury indicted four citizens of Anderson, SC, that
had been operating a slavery system in parts of South Carolina.
It was determined that many African-Americans were captured while
traveling, were jailed and then sent to work for local

1904 The Japanese bombed the Russian town of Vladivostok. 

1904 In Springfield, OH, a mob broke into a jail and shot a black
man accused of murder. 

1906 Finland granted women the right to vote. 

1908 Cincinnati's Mayor Leopold Markbreit announced before the
city council that, "Women are not physically fit to operate

1911 Willis Farnworth patented the coin-operated locker. 

1911 In the wake of the Mexican Revolution, the U.S. sent 20,000
troops to the border of Mexico. 

1918 Finland signed an alliance treaty with Germany. 

1925 The Soviet Red Army occupied Outer Mongolia. 

1927 A Texas law that banned Negroes from voting was ruled
unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court. 

1933 CBS radio debuted "Marie The Little French Princess." It was
the first daytime radio serial. 

1933 The board game Monopoly was invented. 

1935 Malcolm Campbell set an auto speed record of 276.8 mph in

1936 Hitler sent German troops into the German Rhineland in
violation of the Locarno Pact and the Treaty of Versailles. 

1942 Japanese troops landed on New Guinea. 

1945 During World War II, U.S. forces crossed the Rhine River at
Remagen, Germany. 

1947 John L. Lewis declared that only a totalitarian regime could
prevent strikes. 

1951 U.N. forces in Korea under General Matthew Ridgeway launched
Operation Ripper against the Chinese. 

1954 Russia appeared for the first time in ice-hockey
competition. Russia defeated Canada 7-2 to win the world ice-
hockey title in Stockholm, Sweden. 

1955 "Peter Pan" was presented as a television special for the
first time. 

1955 Baseball commissioner Ford Frick said that he was in favor
of legalizing the spitball. 

1955 Phyllis Diller made her debut at the Purple Onion in San
Francisco, CA. 

1959 Melvin C. Garlow became the first pilot to fly over a
million miles in jet airplanes. 

1965 State troopers and a sheriff's posse broke up a march by
civil rights demonstrators in Selma, AL. 

1968 The Battle of Saigon came to an end. 

1971 A thousand U.S. planes bombed Cambodia and Laos. 

1975 The U.S. Senate revised the filibuster rule. The new rule
allowed 60 senators to limit debate instead of the previous two-

1981 Anti-government guerrillas in Colombia executed the
kidnapped American Bible translator Chester Allen Bitterman. The
guerrillas accused Bitterman of being a CIA agent. 

1985 The first AIDS antibody test, an ELISA-type test, was

1987 Mike Tyson became the youngest heavyweight titleholder when
he beat James Smith in a decision during a 12-round fight in Las
Vegas, NV. 

1989 Poland accused the Soviet Union of a World War II massacre
in Katyn. 

1994 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that parodies that poke fun at
an original work can be considered "fair use" that does not
require permission from the copyright holder. 

1994 In Moldova, a referendum was rejected by 90% of voters to
form a union with Rumania. 

1999 In El Salvador, Francisco Flores Pérez of the ruling
Nationalist Republican Alliance (Arena) was elected president. 

2002 A federal judge awarded Anna Nicole Smith more than $88
million in damages. The ruling was the latest in a legal battle
over the estate of Smith's late husband, J. Howard Marshall II. 

2003 Scientists at the Stanford Linear Accelerator Center
announced that they had transferred 6.7 gigabytes of uncompressed
data from Sunnvale, CA, to Amsterdam, Netherlands, in 58 seconds.
The data was sent via fiber-optic cables and traveled 6,800

2009 NASA's Kepler Mission, a space photometer for searching for
extrasolar planets in the Milky Way galaxy, was launched from
Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, Florida. 

2019  smiled.

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Compressed air vs Vacuum 

Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, March 6

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Today, March 6 in
1899 Aspirin was patented by German researchers 
Felix Hoffman and Hermann Dreser. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
There is always more misery among the lower classes than there is humanity in the higher. --- Victor Hugo (1802 - 1885), What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. ---George Dennison Prentice Don't worry if your job is small, and your rewards are few. Remember that the mighty oak was once a nut like you! --- Socratex ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The grizzled old Master Chief was conducting the course in boot camp. He growled at me: "If you were on night sentry duty and saw a figure crawling towards camp, what procedure would you follow?" "Well, Master Chief," I answered, "I'd help the officer to his quarters." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A women's lib speaker was addressing a large group and said, "Where would man be today if it were not for woman?" She paused a moment and looked around the room. "I repeat, where would man be today if it were not for woman?" >From the back of the room came a voice, "He'd be in the Garden of Eden eating strawberries." ______________________________________________________ "Pillars of Creation", part of the Eagle nebula, where new stars are forming. The tall pillar on the left is 4 lightyears tall. _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Reported by Helen R. An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dawn Renee Phillips, 58, Graham County, N.C. Bimbo arrested for knocking over 61 grave stones The Cherokee County Sheriff's Office confirms, an arrest has been made for the vandalism at a local cemetery. Authorities tell News 13, following a tip, they arrested 58-year- old Dawn Renee Phillips. Phillips is charged with 61 felony counts of desecrating grave sites. Phillips is originally from Oregon but had a Kentucky drivers license. She is currently in custody on a $125,000 bond. An update on the vandalism that took place at Lone Oak cemetery. We received information last night that the suspect and vehicle were observed at the rest area in Andrews at approximately noon yesterday. We have worked with the good folks at the Cherokee County Sheriff's Office throughout the day today. I just spoke with Cherokee County and the subject has been identified, she is from out of state. Arrest warrants are being issued at this time and she will be in our custody shortly. I want to thank everyone for sharing the photographs that were put out on Facebook, it played a major part in this subject being found and identified. Updated information will be provided as we are able to do so.
From: Susan Re: Compressed Air versus vacuum Dear DearWebby Ever since my hubby took one of those government computer courses, he insists on using those expensive and silly compressed air cans to "clean" everything in, on or near computers, instead of using a vacuum cleaner. Is there any reason for doing that with compressed air? Susan Dear Susan No, there is absolutely no reason for blowing dirt and dust from one place to another or for blowing lose parts into inaccessible locations. It's just that puppy dogs and many men are scared of vacuum cleaners, so they come up with wimpy excuses for not using them. If you are worried about sucking up loose screws and springs, just use a clean filter bag. I have used a bag-pipe style ShopVac with shoulder strap since the days of the PC/XT (mid 80's), including a few years as mobile computer troubleshooter in the 90's, and never had any mishaps, except for occasionally tripping over the hose while running up narrow stairways, while carrying a repaired computer under the left arm, tool case in the right hand, vacuum on the back; and getting bumped by cute ladies coming down the stairs. But even that was fun. Just leave the computer plugged in but turned off. That way it is grounded and does not build up static. Use the vacuum cleaner's crevice tool and touch the bare metal at the back of computer as the first thing to clean, and you won't have any static related accidents. If you have kids, take those "compressed air" cans and heave them into the garbage. Kids like huffing them and every year a dozen or more of them die from that. Nobody ever died from using a vacuum cleaner. Have Fun! DearWebby
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After the birth of my son, a woman from the records depart- ment stopped by my hospital room to get information for his birth certificate. "Father's date of birth?" she asked. When I told her, she said, "Do you realize that his birthday is exactly nine months before your son's birth?" "No, I hadn't thought about it," I responded, "but now that you mention it, I realize that I have a daughter who turned two a couple of days before the same date." After she finished taking down all the data, she patted my hand and said, "Maybe you should start buying your husband a tie for his birthday." ------------- And get his secretary pregnant instead?
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
One night at the dinner table, Jill commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller; You don't love me any more..." "Nonsense, darling," replied John, "you just cook better now, and we can afford better steak knifes." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Sharp Blades on the Lawn Mower It's important to have sharp mowing blades. Dull blades don't cut the grass, they tear it. This causes stress to your lawn and makes it more susceptible to disease and insect problems. When grass is torn rather than cut, it can also develop a brown appearance. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Welcome to the Visual Dictionary Online, the dictionary with a new point of view.
___________________________________________________ A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of shopping at the mall. It was found by an honest little boy, who returned it to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmm, that's funny. When I lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward." ___________________________________________________ One of the posh hotels in Las Vegas employs my sister-in-law as a room-service attendant. During a medical convention at the hotel, she was preparing a breakfast order that consisted of fried eggs, bacon, ham, hash browns and a cheese danish. "Now that's a heart attack waiting to happen," commented a passing co-worker. "Yeah," my sister-in-law replied. "And believe it or not, it's just what the doctor ordered!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
One day a mother took her 6-year-old son with her to visit a friend at work. Everyone there knew her, and she was offered a cup of coffee. That day, as one of the employees went to make more coffee, her son followed her and asked, "What are you doing?" "I'm making your mom's favorite drink," she answered. Imagine the woman's shock when she heard her son say, "Wow! You know how to make beer?" ___________________________________________________

Today March 6 in
1521 Ferdinand Magellan discovered Guam. 

1808 At Harvard University, the first college orchestra was

1820 The Missouri Compromise was enacted by the U.S. Congress and
signed by U.S. President James Monroe. The act admitted Missouri
into the Union as a slave state, but prohibited slavery in the
rest of the northern Louisiana Purchase territory. 

1834 The city of York in Upper Canada was incorporated as

1836 The thirteen-day siege of the Alamo by Santa Anna and his
army ended. The Mexican army of three thousand men defeated the
189 Texas volunteers. 

1854 At the Washington Monument, several men stole the Pope's
Stone from the lapidarium. 

1857 The U.S. Supreme Court's Dred Scott decision ruled that
blacks could not sue in federal court to be citizens. 

1899 Aspirin was patented by German researchers Felix Hoffman and
Hermann Dreser. 

1900 In West Virginia, an explosion trapped 50 coal miners

1901 An assassin tried to kill Wilhelm II of Germany in Bremen. 

1907 British creditors of the Dominican Republic claimed that the
U.S. had failed to collect debts. 

1928 A Communist attack on Peking, China resulted in 3,000 dead
and 50,000 fled to Swatow. 

1939 In Spain, Jose Miaja took over the Madrid government after a
military coup and vowed to seek "peace with honor." 

1944 During World War II, U.S. heavy bombers began the first
American raid on Berlin. Allied planes dropped 2000 tons of

1946 Ho Chi Minh, the President of Vietnam, struck an agreement
with France that recognized his country as an autonomous state
within the Indochinese Federation and the French Union. 

1947 Winston Churchill announced that he opposed British troop
withdrawals from India. 

1947 The first air-conditioned naval ship, "The Newport News,"
was launched from Newport News, VA. 

1957 The British African colonies of the Gold Coast and Togoland
became the independent state of Ghana. 

1960 Switzerland granted women the right to vote in municipal

1960 The United States announced that it would send 3,500 troops
to Vietnam. 

1967 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson announced his plan to
establish a draft lottery. 

1970 Charles Manson released his album "Lies" to finance his
defense against murder charges. 

1973 U.S. President Richard Nixon imposed price controls on oil
and gas. 

1975 Iran and Iraq announced that they had settled their border

1980 Islamic militants in Tehran said that they would turn over
American hostages to the Revolutionary Council. 

1981 U.S. President Reagan announced a plan to cut 37,000 federal

1985 Yul Brynner played his his 4,500th performance in the
musical "The King and I." 

1987 The British ferry Herald of Free Enterprise capsized in the
Channel off the coast of Belgium. 189 people died. 

1990 The Russian Parliament passed a law that sanctioned the
ownership of private property. 

1991 In Paris, five men were jailed for plotting to smuggle
Libyan arms to the Irish Republican Army. 

1992 The computer virus "Michelangelo" went into effect. 

1997 A gunman stole "Tete de Femme," a million-dollar Picasso
portrait, from a London gallery. The painting was recovered a
week later. 

1997 Britain's Queen Elizabeth II launched the first official
royal Web site. 

1998 A Connecticut state lottery accountant gunned down three
supervisors and the lottery chief before killing himself. 

2015 The NASA space probe Dawn entred orbit around the
protoplanet Ceres in the asteroid belt. 

2019  smiled.

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He got no response to postcards 

Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, March 5

Today's Bonehead Award: 
New York cop arrested for making and 
selling guns to outlaws.

Today, March 5 in
1934 In Amarillo, TX, the first Mother's-In-Law Day was celebrated. 

1953 Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin died. He had been in power for 29 years. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A Veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions: what were the symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc.. Suddenly, she interrupted him: "Hey look, I'm a vet - *I* don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking." She smugly added, "Why can't you?" The doctor nodded, stood back, looked her up and down, quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put to sleep." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ While sports fishing off Melbourne Beach, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any 'gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" "Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the 'gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beach bum said. "The sharks got 'em." ______________________________________________________ Sonora Borealis. Town in foreground is Tucson. _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gregg Marinelli, 38, Plattekill, New York New York cop arrested for making and selling guns to outlaws. March 2 (UPI) -- A police officer in New York City has been accused of illegally making handguns and assault weapons, then selling them to criminals, N.Y. State Police said. Gregg Marinelli, 38, a sergeant with the city's Department of Environmental Protection Police, was arrested Thursday and charged with six felonies: criminal sale of a firearm, two counts of criminal possession of a weapon, manufacture/disposition of a weapon, conspiracy and hindering prosecution, the State Police said in a news release Friday. "This has to be one of the most egregious breaches of trust that I have encountered," Orange County District Attorney David Hoovler said, according to the Times Herald-Record. "I am furious. Number one, about the leak in the case; and number two, the conduct, the possibility of putting untraceable guns on the street." Marinelli is being held in Orange County Jail in lieu of bail, which was set at $200,000 cash or $600,000 bond by Deerpark Town Court. State Police and agents with the federal Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives found gun parts, tools used to make weapons and several firearms, including at least one fully automatic assault rifle, at his home in home in Plattekill in Ulster County, 75 miles north of New York City. Many of the weapons were "ghost" guns -- meaning they were manufactured without serial numbers. They were sold to outlaw motorcycle groups and other people with criminal convictions, who are barred from owning guns, troopers said. "I am enraged that a police officer would sell exactly the types of weapons that are used to kill innocent people, including police officers," Hoovler said. "The types of 'ghost' guns which were recovered in this case are valuable to criminals precisely because they are difficult to trace. A police officer who alerts an armed drug dealer who has proudly proclaimed his status as 'outlaw' motorcycle club member, that he is the subject of police investigation, not only compromises that investigation, but puts his fellow police officers at risk." Thirteen handguns and assault rifles were recovered from others. He's accused of allegedly delivering some of the illegal guns using his marked police car. "The alleged crimes betray the oath that this officer took to protect the public," said Adam Bosch, director of public affairs for the NYC Department of Environmental Protection Police. "DEP is fully cooperating in the investigation." The arrest of Marinelli is an off-shoot of a drug trafficking case in Orange and Rockland Counties that uncovered a cocaine- dealing motorcycle club and another operation that sold pills containing fentanyl. People who bought guns from the suspect are asked to turn them in. "Those who voluntarily surrender the weapons in this manner will not be prosecuted for their possession of the weapons, although they could be prosecuted for any crimes committed with the weapons," the State Police said.
From: John Re: No response Dear DearWebby Is it possible to detect if Angelwinks is on the Recipient's blocked sender list? If it is on the blocked senders list, how do you deal with the blocked cards? Are they regarded as being "delivered" or would you send an "unable to deliver" note? I ask this because I have been sending cards and getting a very prompt reply saying that the recipient has picked up the card but have not received any reply from the Recipient. I look forward to hearing from you. John H Dear John If you get the "has picked up.." notice, then somebody at the recipient's machine, HAS indeed picked up and viewed your card. There is no way we can tell if the person who opened and viewed the card was the intended recipient, a spouse, parent, child, room mate, the butler or employer. All the program sees is that SOMEBODY at the recipient address opened and viewed the card. You will have to contact the recipient by chat or phone to find out why you got snubbed. It is also possible that YOU have the recipient blocked, and that she is getting mighty annoyed with you. So, contact her and find out! Have Fun! DearWebby
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Two mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, "My son is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years." The other woman said, "Well, my son is a saint himself. Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time." "My word," the first mother said. "You must be so proud." "I am," the second mother replied. "And when he's paroled next month, I'm going to throw him one heck of a big party."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner. The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would be disappointed. Everyone commiserated, until someone asked what her husband said when he found out. She smiled. "He never found out. I made another cake and ate half!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Breaking in a Baseball Glove The best way to break in a baseball glove is to use it. To speed up the process, apply a dab of shaving cream to the center of the glove and then put a baseball in the pocket. Secure the glove closed by tying a shoelace around the glove and put it between your mattresses overnight. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Richard Branson and a group of scientists make exciting discoveries inside Great Blue Hole.
___________________________________________________ A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards." The brand new waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?" "No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon. "Oh, OK!" said the waitress. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker asked, "What are the beans for?" She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!" ___________________________________________________ On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How is THAT going to help?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Rick, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, "What is three times seven?" "22," Rick replied. After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he *knew* he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn't get the job. About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious. The next day, he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest." ___________________________________________________

Today March 5 in

1623 The first alcohol temperance law in the colonies was enacted
in Virginia. 

1624 In the American colony of Virginia, the upper class was
exempted from whipping by legislation. 

1766 The first Spanish governor of Louisiana, Antonio de Ulloa,
arrived in New Orleans. 

1770 "The Boston Massacre" took place when British troops fired
on a crowd in Boston killing five people. Two British troops were
later convicted of manslaughter. 

1793 Austrian troops defeated the French and recaptured Liege. 

1836 Samuel Colt's Patent Arms Manufacturing of Paterson, New
Jersey, was chartered by the New Jersey legislature. 

1842 A Mexican force of over 500 men under Rafael Vasquez invaded
Texas for the first time since the revolution. They briefly
occupied San Antonio, but soon headed back to the Rio Grande. 

1845 The U.S. Congress appropriated $30,000 to ship camels to the
western U.S. 

1867 An abortive Fenian uprising against English rule took place
in Ireland. 

1868 The U.S. Senate was organized into a court of impeachment to
decide charges against President Andrew Johnson. 

1872 George Westinghouse patented the air brake for trains. 

1900 Two U.S. battleships left for Nicaragua to halt
revolutionary disturbances. 

1901 Germany and Britain began negotiations with hopes of
creating an alliance. 

1902 In France, the National Congress of Miners decided to call
for a general strike for an 8-hour day. 

1907 In St. Petersburg, Russia, the new Duma opened. 40,000
demonstrators were dispersed by troops. 

1910 In Philadelphia, PA, 60,000 people left their jobs to show
support for striking transit workers. 

1910 The Moroccan envoy signed the 1909 agreement with France. 

1912 The Italians became the first to use dirigibles for military
purposes. They used them for reconnaissance flights behind
Turkish lines west of Tripoli. 

1918 The Soviets moved the capital of Russia from Petrograd to

1922 "Annie Oakley" (Phoebe Ann Moses) broke all existing records
for women's trap shooting. She hit 98 out of 100 targets. 

1923 Old-age pension laws were enacted in the states of Montana
and Nevada. 

1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered a four-day bank
holiday in order to stop large amounts of money from being
withdrawn from banks. 

1933 The Nazi Party won 44 percent of the vote in German
parliamentary elections. 

1934 In Amarillo, TX, the first Mother's-In-Law Day was

1943 Germany called fifteen- and sixteen-year-olds for military
service due to war losses. 

1946 Winston Churchill delivered his "Iron Curtain Speech". 

1946 The U.S. sent protests to the U.S.S.R. on incursions into
Manchuria and Iran. 

1953 Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin died. He had been in power for
29 years. 

1956 The U.S. Supreme Court affirmed the ban on segregation in
public schools. 

1970 A nuclear non-proliferation treaty went into effect after 43
nations ratified it. 

1976 The British pound fell below the equivalent of $2 for the
first time in history. 

1984 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that cities had the right to
display the Nativity scene as part of their Christmas display. 

1984 The U.S. accused Iraq of using poison gas. 

1985 Mike Bossy (New York Islanders) became the first National
Hockey League player to score 50 goals in eight consecutive

1993 Cuban President Fidel Castro said that Hillary Clinton was
"a beautiful woman." 

1993 Sprinter Ben Johnson was banned from racing for life by the
Amateur Athletic Association after testing positive for banned
performance-enhancing substances for a second time. 

1997 North Korea and South Korea met for first time in 25 years
for peace talks. 

1998 NASA announced that an orbiting craft had found enough water
on the moon to support a human colony and rocket fueling station.

1998 It was announced that Air Force Lt. Col. Eileen Collins
would lead crew of Columbia on a mission to launch a large X-ray
telescope. She was the first woman to command a space shuttle

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Windows Updates 

Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, March 4

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Alabama man tried to blow up mom with propane

Today, March 4 in
1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *and* fresher breath. --- Dave Barry (1947 - ) One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man. --- Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915) The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved - loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves. --­ Victor Hugo ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ On a lonely, moonlit country road a young man's car engine started to cough. Immediately pulling over to a scenic little spot he said to the young lady next to him, "That's funny, I wonder what that knocking noise was?" "I'll tell you one thing for sure," said the girl coolly, "It wasn't opportunity." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Ross for this story: "Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, ..." when little Jason interrupted, "My mommy looked back once, while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Roger Dale Johnson, 45, Woodville, Alabama Alabama man tried to blow up mom with propane An Alabama man is jailed on charges of trying to blow up his mother using a propane tank in a booby-trapped storage shed. Chief Deputy Rocky Harnen of the Jackson County Sheriff's Office tells news outlets a woman called police saying she was worried her son was both on drugs and storing propane in a shed. Harnen says an officer went to the home and a small explosion occurred when the officer and the man's mother entered the building. Harnen says a small device was supposed to explode and ignite the propane, but the gas wasn't turned on. No one was hurt. Records show 45-year-old Roger Dale Johnson of Woodville is charged with attempted assault and possession of a destructive device.
From: Carol Re: Windows Updates Dear DearWebby I'm running W7; can't pay me enough to run W10! I'm not one to download new special packs right away; I like to have them take the bugs out first. May I have your opinion of the W7 updates? Thanks, you've taught me a lot by reading your Q&A; and you've answered many question to me as well. Carol Dear Carol Don't panic. There are no new goodies in it anyway, just new bugs. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The preacher's 5-year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head, for a moment, before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages, "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon." "How come He never does?" she asked.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Chopsticks as Knitting Needles In a pinch, you can use bamboo chopsticks as knitting needles. Just sharpen the tips of the chopsticks in a pencil sharpener then dull them a little so they aren't too sharp. Ask for extras the next time you get take out. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Live view from the space station. High res.
___________________________________________________ At a boat-rental concession, the manager went to the lake's edge and yelled through his megaphone, "Number 99, come in, please. Your time is up." Several minutes passed, but the boat didn't return. "Boat number 99," he again hollered, "return to the dock immediately or I'll have to charge you overtime." "Something is wrong here, boss," his assistant said. "We only have 75 boats. There is no number 99." The manager thought for a moment and then raised his mega- phone: "Boat number 66," he yelled. "Are you having trouble out there?" ___________________________________________________ "The other day a man in London dressed as Darth Vader got drunk and assaulted two men dressed as Jedi knights. He was sentenced to two months in jail and 10 more years living in his parents' basement." --- Conan O'Brien ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Minka for this story: "Doctor, I'd like you to evaluate my 13 year-old son." "OK: He's most likely suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but his prognosis is good for full recovery." "How can you say all that without even meeting him?" "I thought you said he's 13?" ___________________________________________________

Today March 4 in

1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA. 

1681 England's King Charles II granted a charter to William Penn
for an area that later became the state of Pennsylvania. 

1766 The British Parliament repealed the Stamp Act, which had
caused bitter and violent opposition in the U.S. colonies. 

1778 The Continental Congress voted to ratify the Treaty of Amity
and Commerce and the Treaty of Alliance. The two treaties were
the first entered into by the U.S. government. 

1789 The first Congress of the United States met in New York and
declared that the U.S. Constitution was in effect. 

1794 The 11th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was passed by
the U.S. Congress. The Amendment limited the jurisdiction of the
federal courts to automatically hear cases brought against a
state by the citizens of another state. Later interpretations
expanded this to include citizens of the state being sued, as

1813 The Russians fighting against Napoleon reached Berlin. The
French garrison evacuated the city without a fight. 

1826 The first railroad in the U.S. was chartered. It was the
Granite Railway in Quincy, MA. 

1861 The Confederate States of America adopted the "Stars and
Bars" flag. 

1877 Emile Berliner invented the microphone. 

1880 Halftone engraving was used for the first time when the
"Daily Graphic" was published in New York City. 

1902 The American Automobile Association was founded in Chicago. 

1904 In Korea, Russian troops retreated toward the Manchurian
border as 100,000 Japanese troops advanced. 

1908 The New York board of education banned the act of whipping
students in school. 

1908 France notified signatories of Algeciras that it would send
troops to Chaouia, Morocco. 

1914 Doctor Fillatre successfully separated Siamese twins. 

1952 U.S. President Harry Truman dedicated the "Courier," the
first seagoing radio broadcasting station. 

1954 In Boston, Peter Bent Brigham Hospital reported the first
successful kidney transplant. 

1975 Queen Elizabeth knighted Charlie Chaplin. 

1989 Time, Inc. and Warner Communications Inc. announced a plan
to merge. 

1991 Sheik Saad al-Jaber al-Sabah, the prime minister of Kuwait,
returned to his country for the first time since Iraq's invasion.

1994 Bosnia's Croats and Moslems signed an agreement to form a
federation in a loose economic union with Croatia. 

1997 U.S. President Clinton barred federal spending on human

1998 Microsoft repaired software that apparently allowed hackers
to shut down computers in government and university offices

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court said that federal law banned on-the-
job sexual harassment even when both parties are the same sex. 

1999 Monica Lewinsky's book about her affair with U.S. President
Clinton went on sale in the U.S. 

2002 Canada banned human embryo cloning but permitted government-
funded scientists to use embryos left over from fertility
treatment or abortions. 

2012 Vladimir Putin won re-election in Russia's presidential

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Transfer files from old machine to W10 

Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, March 3

Late last night I watched the launch of the SpaceX rocket with
the Crew Dragon capsule. Everything went perfectly. When the
used first stage did a pin-point landing on the recovery barge
everybody at NASA went nuts with screaming applause. 

Today they will get to the space station and actually dock.
Previously, with the cargo modules, they just got close enough
and then used the Canadarm to fetch them and plug them in.
This time, with the crew module, they will hit the air lock
with their shot from Florida.

You can watch that at http://space.com
Don't worry if the docking is during your sleep time. They will
of course record it and you can replay the historic event
whenever you have time.

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Police promise man slice of pizza 
to end hours-long standoff

Today, March 3 in
1817 The first commercial steamboat route from Louisville to New
Orleans was opened. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I only know two pieces; one is 'Clair de Lune' and the other one isn't. --- Victor Borge (1909 - 2000) The true test of character is not how much we know how to do, but how we behave when we don't know what to do. --- John Holt ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Ross How to Use Your IRS Rebate Check... As you may have heard, each of us will be getting a tax rebate check to stimulate the economy. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China. If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs. If we purchase a computer it will go to China. If we purchase fruits and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala. If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan. If we purchase useless stuff it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy. We need to keep that money here in America. The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it at yard sales, tattoo parlors and on hookers, since those are the only businesses still in the US! Trump is slowly changing that, but Pelosi will call you a racist, if you buy American stuff. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ More than anything, a young man from the city wanted to be a cowboy. Eventually he found a rancher who took pity on him and gave the lad a chance. "This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows." "I see," said the man, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for bait?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Evan Charles McLemore, 33, Pensacola, Florida Police promise man slice of pizza to end hours-long standoff Authorities say a Florida man accused of threatening his family ended a four-hour standoff with police after he was promised a slice of pizza. The Pensacola News Journal reports that 33-year-old Evan Charles McLemore was arrested Tuesday and charged with resisting an officer and aggravated stalking. Police say officers responded to a report of a possible battery at the Pensacola home and found McLemore had barricaded himself in a room. Officers say McLemore claimed to have a gun, so they brought in a SWAT team. Crisis negotiators eventually managed to coax McLemore out with the promise of pizza. It wasn’t clear if he actually received a slice. McLemore’s bond was set at $105,000 bond. Jail records didn’t list an attorney.
Chuck Re: Connect Win XP to W10 computer Dear DearWebby IS THERE A WAY I CAN HOOK UP A COMPUTER RUNNING WINXP TO MY COMPUTER RUNNING W10 AND TRANSFER FILES? THANK YOU, CHUCK Dear Chuck There IS a way to directly connect them with a special cable, but that method requires serious reading of instructions. There is even a special USB cable available, that has a bridging chip in it. Don't use an ordinary USB cable! It will kill one of the two machines! A simple router is probably the easiest, and since everybody uses them, any neighbor kid can help you with the set-up, if necessary. However, it is quite simple and straightforward and nothing to worry about. Just plug both machines into the router, Open the little manual that comes with the router and log in to the web interface. The manual has the URL, user name and password. On the web interface choose the Wizard. It guides you through the setup quickly and easily. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Linda for this story: I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Ken and Melba had finished their breakfast at the retirement home and were relaxing in the library. "You know," said Melba, "today, in most marriage ceremonies, they don't use the word 'obey' anymore." "Too bad, isn't it?" retorted Ken. "It used to lend a little humor to the occasion." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Washing Delicate Crystal or China If you are washing delicate dishes in your sink, line the bottom of the sink with a bath towel before filling it. This will protect your crystal and china from getting chipped on the hard sink bottom. Never use your dishwasher, it is just too harsh and dishes shift around. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Dance group delivers a mind blowing performance.
___________________________________________________ A man is a person who, if a woman says, "Never mind, I'll do it myself; lets her. A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her; gets mad. A man is a person who, if a woman says to him, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her and she get mad; says, "Now what are you mad about?" A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her and she get mad, and he says, "Now what are mad about?" says, "If you don't know I'm not going to tell you." ___________________________________________________ Mandatory Vacation Two entrepreneurs were comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business. "I started a new practice last year," the first one said. "I insist that each of my employees take at least a week off every three months." "Why in the world would you do that?" the other asked. She responded, "It's the best way I know of to learn which ones I can do without." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Not Your Normal Squirrel I never dreamed that slowly cruising on my motorcycle through a residential neighborhood could be so incredibly dangerous! Little did I suspect. I was on Brice Street - a very nice neighborhood with perfect lawns and slow traffic. As I passed an oncoming car, a brown furry missile shot out from under it and tumbled to a stop immediately in front of me. Inches before impact, and at the last possible second, he screamed and leapt! Snarling, hissing, and tearing at my clothes, he was a frenzy of activity. As I was dressed only in a light T-shirt, summer riding gloves, and jeans, this was a bit of a cause for concern. This furry little tornado was doing some damage! I grabbed for him with my left hand. After a few misses, I finally managed to snag his tail. With all my strength, I flung the evil rodent off to the left of the bike, almost running into the right curb as I recoiled from the throw. Somehow he caught my gloved finger with one of his little hands; and, with the force of the throw, he landed squarely on my BACK and resumed his antisocial and extremely distracting activities. And I was minus a glove. The combination of the force of the throw, only having the throttle hand on the handlebars, can only have one result. Torque. The engine roared, and the front wheel left the pavement. The squirrel screamed in anger. The Valkyrie screamed in ecstasy. I screamed in -- well, I just plain screamed. About this time, he came around my neck and got INSIDE my full-face helmet. As the faceplate closed part way, he began hissing in my face. I am quite sure my screaming changed intensity. It had little effect on the squirrel, however. Finally, I got the upper hand. I managed to grab his tail again, pulled him out of my helmet, and slung him to the left as hard as I could. This time it worked -- sort of. At that moment, I chanced to be passing two cops, parked, doing paperwork. Suddenly they perceive my form, screaming bloody murder, roaring by them at 80 mph. At the same moment a live squirrel grenade impacts directly into their open window. I heard new screams. They weren't mine. When I looked back, the doors on both sides of the patrol car were flung wide open. The cop from the passenger side was on his back, doing a crab walk into somebody's front yard, quickly moving away from the car. The cop who had been in the driver's seat was standing in the street, aiming a riot shotgun at his own police car. That maniac squirrel was now shredding their upholstery. I took a deep breath, turned on my turn-signal, made a gentle right turn off of Brice Street, and sedately left the neighborhood. I decided it was best to just buy myself a new pair of gloves. And a whole lot of Band-Aids. -from James Mizell, a retired police chaplain (via Chapnotes) ___________________________________________________

Today March 3 in
1803 The first impeachment trial of a U.S. Judge, John Pickering,

1812 The U.S. Congress passed the first foreign aid bill. 

1817 The first commercial steamboat route from Louisville to New
Orleans was opened. 

1845 The U.S. Congress passed legislation overriding a U.S.
President’s veto. It was the first time the Congress had achieved

1857 Britain and France declared war on China. 

1878 Russia and the Ottomans signed the treaty of San Stenafano.
The treaty granted independence to Romania, Serbia, Montenegro,
and the autonomy of Bulgaria. 

1900 Striking miners in Germany returned to work. 

1903 The U.S. imposed a $2 head tax on immigrants. 

1904 Wilhelm II of Germany made the first recording of a
political document with Thomas Edison's cylinder. 

1905 The Russian Czar agreed to create an elected assembly. 

1906 A Frenchman tried the first flight in an airplane with

1908 The U.S. government declared open war on on U.S. anarchists.

1909 Aviators Herring, Curtiss and Bishop announced that
airplanes would be made commercially in the U.S. 

1910 J.D. Rockefeller Jr. announced his withdrawal from business
to administer his father's fortune for an "uplift in humanity".
He also appealed to the U.S. Congress for the creation of the
Rockefeller Foundation. 

1910 In New York, Robert Forest founded the National Housing
Association to fight deteriorating urban living conditions. 

1910 Nicaraguan rebels admitted defeat in open war and resorted
to guerrilla tactics in the hope of U.S. intervention. 

1918 The Treaty of Brest Litovsky was signed by Germany, Austria
and Russia. The treaty ended Russia's participation in World War

1931 The "Star Spangled Banner," written by Francis Scott Key,
was adopted as the American national anthem. The song was
originally a poem known as "Defense of Fort McHenry." 

1939 In Bombay, Ghandi began a fast to protest the state's
autocratic rule. 

1941 Moscow denounced the Axis rule in Bulgaria. 

1945 Superman encountered Batman and Robin for the first time on
the Mutual Broadcasting System. 

1945 Close to the end of World War II, when it was obvious that
the Allies were winning, Finland changed sides and declared war
on the Axis. 

1952 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld New York's Feinberg Law that
banned Communist teachers in the U.S. 

1956 Morocco gained its independence. 

1969 Apollo 9 was launched by NASA to test a lunar module. 

1969 Sirhan Sirhan testified in a Los Angeles court that he
killed Robert Kennedy. 

1972 NASA's Pioneer 10 spacecraft was launched. 

1973 Japan disclosed its first defense plan since World War II. 

1974 About 350 people died when a Turkish Airlines DC-10 crashed
just after takeoff from Orly Airport in Paris. 

1978 The remains of Charles Chaplin were stolen from his grave in
Cosier-sur-Vevey, Switzerland. The body was recovered 11 weeks
later near Lake Geneva. 

1980 The submarine Nautilus was decommissioned. The vessels final
voyage had ended on May 26, 1979. 

1985 Women Against Pornography awarded its ‘Pig Award’ to Huggies
Diapers. The activists claimed that the TV ads for diapers had
"crossed the line between eye-catching and porn." 

1987 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a package of $30
million in non-lethal aid for the Nicaraguan Contras. 

1991 25 people were killed when a United Airlines Boeing 737-200
crashed while on approach to the Colorado Springs airport. 

1991 Rodney King was severely beaten by Los Angeles police
officers. The scene was captured on amateur video. (California) 

1994 The Mexican government reached a peace agreement with the
Chiapas rebels. 

1995 A U.N. peacekeeping mission in Somalia ended. Several gunmen
were killed by U.S. Marines in Mogadishu while overseeing the
pull out of peacekeepers. 

1999 In Egypt, 19 people were killed when a bus plunged into a
Nile canal. 

2019  smiled.

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W10 Video preview in Windows Explorer 

Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, March 2

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Two arrested in brawl over crab legs at Alabama buffet

Today, March 2 in
1998 Images from the American spacecraft Galileo indicated that
the Jupiter moon Europa has a liquid ocean and a source of
interior heat. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
There are 10^11 stars in the galaxy. That used to be a huge number. But it's only a hundred billion. It's less than the national deficit! We used to call them astronomical numbers. Now we should call them economical numbers. --- Richard Feynman (1918 - 1988) Wise sayings often fall on barren ground, but a kind word is never thrown away. --- Arthur Helps ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two friends, one an optimist and the other a pessimist, could never quite agree on any topic of discussion. One day the optimist decided he had found a good way to pull his friend out of his continual pessimistic thinking. The optimist owned a hunting dog that could walk on water. His plan? Take the pessimist and the dog out duck hunting in a boat. They got out into the middle of the lake, and the optimist brought down a duck. The dog immediately walked out across the water, retrieved the duck, and walked back to the boat. The optimist looked at his pessimistic friend and said, "What do you think about that?" The pessimist replied, "That dog can't swim, can he?" Luckily the pessimist was wearing a life jacket when he got tossed into the water. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A teacher was finishing up a lesson on the joys of discovery and the importance of curiosity. "Where would we be today," she asked, "if no one had ever been curious?" One child quietly spoke up from the back of the room. "In the Garden of Eden?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Moe for the mug shot of yesterday's bonehead, the guy who backed his pick-up into a clothing store, loaded it up with $800 worth of clothing, then hit a door frame on the way out and smoked his tires and the carpet to get unstuck. Apparently Ronald Parks has quite a big rap sheet. ___________________________________________________ Reported by Helen An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by John Chapman, Chequita Jenkins, Huntsville, Alabama Two arrested in brawl over crab legs at Alabama buffet Customers at an Alabama buffet were boiling mad while waiting in line for crab legs and took to using tongs as weapons during a brawl at the eatery, police said. Customers at the Meteor Buffet in Huntsville had been waiting in line for 10 to 20 minutes for crab legs, police said. The eager diners were waiting for the next tray to come out when they rushed to serve themselves. "They'd been waiting there for the crab legs for a good 10, 20 minutes. When they finally came out, it's very heated. Especially if someone is taking more than their fair share," said Huntsville police officer Gerald Johnson, who was eating at the restaurant when the melee broke out. Some diners began using tongs as swords and shattering plates. Customers John Chapman and Chequita Jenkins were arrested. Jenkins was at the $10.58 per-plate buffet with her kids. "There's a woman who's beating a man," Johnson said. "People are moving around, plates are shattering everywhere." Chapman suffered a cut to his head and Jenkins was not harmed. Chapman is facing disorderly conduct and Jenkins is charged with third-degree assault.
>From Lee Re: W10 Explorer icon view ? Dear DearWebby Something seems to have changed in my Windows Explorer. Up until recently when I used the large icon view I could see a snap shot from the video in a video file. I use VLC to view files. Now I only see the VLC icon. I have Windows 10 Home. Thanks for your continued support and interesting/funny daily news. Lee Dear Lee If you are setting the view as Large Icons and you intend to view thumbnails (instead of icon placeholders which won't show you a picture preview), then you will also want to ensure that your PC Performance Settings allows for thumbnail views. To do so: Click Start and then right click This PC, and choose Properties. The System window will appear; click the Advanced system settings link at the top left of the window. The System Properties window will appear; look for the Performance heading and click the Settings button. The Performance Options window will appear; under the Visual Effects tab, ensure that "Show thumbnails instead of icons" has a check mark beside it, then click Apply and OK to close the window. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A guy goes to a doctor and says: "Doctor, my wife has lost her voice, a week ago...." "And you are worried she'll find it again ?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Morris for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Morris answered, "A lawyer!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Training Wheels on a Wheelbarrow The other day at a farm, I saw a wheelbarrow with bicycle training wheels on it. It wouldn't turn quite as sharply around corners but it was much more difficult to tip over. A good way to reuse those training wheels your kid has outgrown. Two-wheeled yard carts are often lighter than wheelbarrows, and cheaper. Those with tall wheels roll even easier than regular wheel barrows. For small chores a seed/fertilizer spreader works just as well. Have FUN! DearWebby Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Beautiful desert wildflowers in bloom now.
___________________________________________________ Three ministers are having lunch one day and complaining about sudden infestations of bats in their churches. "I've had those things in my loft and attic all summer," one says. "I've tried everything -- noise, spray, cats. Nothing seems to scare them away." "Yeah, me too," the second minister says. "I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I've even had the place fumigated and they won't go away." "I had a problem with them, too," the third minister says. "But I baptized all mine and made them members of the church. Then I passed the collection plate. Haven't seen one back since." ___________________________________________________ A patient mentions his concerns to his doctor during his annual physical. "Isn't there some kind of memory medicine you can give me?" he asks. "I'm getting terribly forgetful. I lose track of where I'm going or what I'm supposed to do when I get there. What should I do?" "Pay me in advance," the doctor, says. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Bill Gates dies and goes to heaven, where St. Peter commends him for his innovative work with computers and shows him his reward -- a beautiful 10-room house with spacious grounds and a tennis court. Gates is pleased and spends many months enjoying the amenities of heaven. One day, however, he is enjoying one of heaven's many fine parks when he meets a man dressed in a fine tailored suit. "That is a nice suit, my friend," says Gates. "Where did you get it?" "Actually," the man replies, "I was given 100 of these when I got here. I've been treated really well. I got a mansion on a hill, a 500-acre estate, a golf course and three Rolls-Royces." "Were you a Pope or a doctor healing the sick?" Gates asks him. "No," says his new friend. "Actually, I was the captain of the Titanic." Perturbed, Gates stalks off to find St. Peter. "How could you give me a paltry new house, while you're showering new cars, a mansion and fine suits on the captain of the Titanic?" Gates demands. "I invented the Windows operating system. Why does he deserve better?" "Well," says St. Peter, "you have to realize that the Titanic only crashed once. And furthermore, when the Titanic crashed, people prayed. Every time Windows crashes, they curse." ___________________________________________________

Today March 2 in
1807 The U.S. Congress passed an act to "prohibit the importation
of slaves into any port or place within the jurisdiction of the
United States... from any foreign kingdom, place, or country." 

1836 Texas declared its independence from Mexico and an ad
interim government was formed. 

1861 The U.S. Congress created the Territory of Nevada. 

1877 In the U.S., Rutherford B. Hayes was declared the winner of
the 1876 presidential election by the U.S. Congress. Samuel J.
Tilden, however, had won the popular vote on November 7, 1876. 

1897 U.S. President Cleveland vetoed legislation that would have
required a literacy test for immigrants entering the country. 

1899 Mount Rainier National Park in Washington was established by
the U.S. Congress. 

1900 The U.S. Congress voted to give $2 million in aid to Puerto

1901 The first telegraph company in Hawaii opened. 

1903 The Martha Washington Hotel opened for business in New York
City. The hotel had 416 rooms and was the first hotel exclusively
for women. 

1906 A tornado in Mississippi killed 33 and did $5 million in

1907 In Hamburg, Germany, dock workers went on strike after the
end of the night shift. British strike breakers were brought in.
The issue was settled on April 22, 1907. 

1908 In New York, the Committee of the Russian Republican
Administration was founded. 

1908 In Paris, Gabriel Lippmann introduced three-dimensional
color photography at the Academy of Sciences. 

1917 The Russian Revolution began with Czar Nicholas II

1917 Citizens of Puerto Rico were granted U.S. citizenship with
the enactment of the Jones Act. 

1925 State and federal highway officials developed a nationwide
route-numbering system and adopted the familiar U.S. shield-
shaped, numbered marker. 

1933 The motion picture King Kong had its world premiere in New

1939 The Massachusetts legislature voted to ratify the Bill of
Rights to the U.S. Constitution. These first ten amendments had
gone into effect 147 years before. 

1946 Ho Chi Minh was elected President of Vietnam. 

1949 The B-50 Superfortress Lucky Lady II landed in Fort Worth,
TX. The American plane had completed the first non-stop around-
the-world flight. 

1962 Wilt 'The Stilt' Chamberlain scored 100 points against the
New York Knicks 169-147. Chamberlain broke several NBA records in
the game. 

1969 In Toulouse, France, the supersonic transport Concorde made
its first test flight. 

1984 The first McDonald's franchise was closed. A new location
was opened across the street from the old location in Des
Plaines, IL. 

1985 The U.S. government approved a screening test for AIDS that
detected antibodies to the virus that allowed possibly
contaminated blood to be kept out of the blood supply. 

1986 Corazon Aquino was sworn into office as president of the
Philippines. Her first public declaration was to restore the
civil rights of the citizens of her country. 

1987 The U.S. government reported that the median price for a new
home had gone over $100,000 for the first time. 

1989 Representatives from the 12 European Community nations all
agreed to ban all production of CFCs (chlorofluorocarbons) by the
end of the 20th century. 

1995 Russian anti-corruption journalist Vladislav Listyev was
killed by a gunman in Moscow. 

1995 Nick Leeson was arrested for his role in the collapse of
Britain's Barings Bank. 

1998 Images from the American spacecraft Galileo indicated that
the Jupiter moon Europa has a liquid ocean and a source of
interior heat. 

2000 In Great Britain, Chile's former President Augusto Pinochet
Ugarte was freed from house arrest and allowed to return to
Chile. Britain's Home Secretary Jack Straw had concluded that
Pinochet was mentally and physically unable to stand trial.
Belgium, France, Spain and Switzerland had sought the former
Chilean leader on human-rights violations. 

2003 Over the Sea of Japan, there was a confrontation between
four armed North Korean fighter jets and a U.S. RC-135S Cobra
Ball. No shots were fired in the encounter in international
airspace about 150 miles off North Korea's coast. The U.S. Air
Force announced that it would resume reconnaissance flights on
March 12. 

2004 NASA announced that the Mars rover Opportunity had
discovered evidence that water had existed on Mars in the past. 

2011 Steve Jobs unveiled Apple's iPad 2. 

2016 The U.N. Security Council unanimously approved sanctions on
North Korea that included mandatory inspections of cargo leaving
and entering North Korea, a ban on all sales and transfers of
small arms and light weapons and expulsion of diplomats that
engage in "illicit activities." The sanctions were in reaction to
the latest nuclear test and rocket launch in defiance of a ban on
all nuclear-related activity. 

2016 Astronaut Scott Kelly returned to Earth after 340 days in
space aboard the International Space Station. 

2019  smiled.

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What are drivers? 

Good Morning, !

Today is Friday, March 1
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Smash and graber jailed in MO

Today, March 1 in
1873 E. Remington and Sons of Ilion, NY, began the manufacturing
of the first practical typewriter. 

1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 50
slavery opponents began the new political group. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Foolish writers and readers are created for each other. --- Horace Walpole (1717 - 1797) I'm not sure I want popular opinion on my side -- I've noticed those with the most opinions often have the fewest facts. --- Bethania McKenstry ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ While looking for mother related jokes, I came across this letter from GD from Dec 3, 2000: ==from GDB Hi Webby Would you believe that my mothers email program awarded the Humor Letter THREE red peppers for "naughty language" ? We had a hoot going through it with a fine tooth comb trying to find what was naughty in it and the closest we came was this: == "Ma'am, this potato is bad." She nodded, picked up the potato, and smacked it. == So, Dear Webby, better be careful about this "cruelty to potatoes" stuff. Otherwise PETA will go after you and protest in front of your office! They had a topless PETA protest in Tucson last week and it caused quite a big car pile-up. ====GDB=== _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ronald E. Parks, 62, Kansas City, Missouri Smash and grabber jailed Another dumb criminal, this time caught on camera. Ronald E. Parks, 62, has been charged on multiple counts in connection with plowing his truck into the Gordmans store at 135th & State Line after midnight Dec. 4, stealing about $800 in women's sweaters, and getting stuck and smoking his tires on the way out. When police found him, there were Gordmans price tags in his damaged truck and a trail of them leading to his back door. He caused about $80,000 in damage to the business.
>From Alice Re: Whart is a "driver" ? Dear DearWebby I too get all kinds of ads and pop ups about drivers. What are they really? Do I really need them? Alice Dear Alice Drivers started with printers. Originally printers understood commands to print certain letters. That was fine when typists were paid according to how many pieces of correspondence they did per hour. The Women's Libbers didn't do too well with that and called that a misogynic system and demanded payment according to how beautiful their correspondence was. So Apple and Microsoft and printer manufacturers complied and enabled fancy fonts and all kinds of cute stuff. Since that was not included in the 256 different letter commands, they came up with translators for the fancy stuff. Those are called "drivers". Printers were just the beginning. Then came graphics. Each printer and camera maker interpreted things differently, so they required drivers. All that went relatively smoothly until Windows VISTA. Microsoft wrongly assumed that printer and camera makers would create drivers for items, that had been sold and paid for years ago. Well, they didn't, and there was much hue and cry and VISTA bombed. Microsoft learned their lesson and since then all new versions of Windows include tons of drivers for any printer produced since Gutenberg, plus new ones get added "in the cloud" for you to download. When you buy a new 2019 printer, your 2010 Windows sees that it does not have a driver for it, so it automatically offers to download it. Sometimes, though rarely, printer manufacturers discover problems and produce a driver to cope with that. If and when something does not work right, you can download those supplemental drivers. Their support will suggest that. Occasionally the asame thing happens with computers. For example DELL pops a pop-up about once a year suggesting to download and install a cumulative bug fix by clicking OK. No big deal. So, all in all, drivers are no problem. If and when you need them, you will find out painlessly. If you want to check your drivers, you can hit START, and type dxdiag and hit ENTER. That will give you the same as all those fancy driver checkers. For free, and without any sneaky spyware hidden in it. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Women believe if a pet cat strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a pet dog strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a woman strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a man strays, it's because men are scum.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim. "It takes considerable time and technique." replied the guard. "First you ust take her into the water, then place one arm about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and raise it very slowly..." "This is certainly most helpful." said the member. "I know that my sister will appreciate it." "Your sister?" said the lifeguard.. "In that case, just push her into the deep end of the pool. She'll learn in a hurry." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Wilted Lettuce You can often recover wilted lettuce by soaking it in ice cold water with a few drops of lemon juice or vinegar. Place it in the fridge for about an hour and it should be much more crisp. This also works for carrots, celery and other vegetables. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Painters interrupt an orchestra.
___________________________________________________ Little Johnny was having problems in English class, so his teacher, Miss Figpot, decided to stop by Little Johnny's house on her way home. She wanted to discuss Johnny's poor performance directly with his parents. When she rang the door bell, Little Johnny answered. "Hello Johnny, I'd like to talk to your mother or father," she said. "Sorry, but they ain't here." He replied. "Johnny!" She said, "what is it with your grammar?" "Haven't got a clue," Johnny replied, "but dad sure was mad that they had to go bail her out again!" ___________________________________________________ In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged Caumeneur." The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular, wine, but was used to the infusion of French words into the local vocabulary. "Could you please spell that?" she asked. "You know," said the woman impatiently, "C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a women are their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men: they're a bunch of liars. ___________________________________________________

Today March 1 in
1498 Vasco de Gama landed at what is now Mozambique on his way to

1562 In Vassy, France, Catholics massacred over 1,000 Huguenots.
The event started the First War of Religion. 

1692 In Salem Village, in the Massachusetts Bay Colony, the Salem
witch trials began. Four women were the first to be charged. 

1781 In America, the Continental Congress adopted the Articles of

1784 In Great Britain, E. Kidner opened the first cooking school.

1790 The U.S. Congress authorized the first U.S. census. 

1810 Sweden became the first country to appoint an Ombudsman,
Lars August Mannerheim. 

1811 Egyptian ruler Mohammed Ali massacred the leaders of the
Mameluke dynasty. 

1815 Napoleon returned to France from the island of Elba. He had
been forced to abdicate in April of 1814. 

1862 Prussia formally recognized the Kingdom of Italy. 

1872 The U.S. Congress authorized the creation of Yellowstone
National Park. It was the world's first national park. 

1873 E. Remington and Sons of Ilion, NY, began the manufacturing
of the first practical typewriter. 

1896 The Battle of Adowa began in Ethiopia between the forces of
Emperor Menelik II and Italian troops. The Italians were

1900 In South Africa, Ladysmith was relieved by British troops
after being under siege by the Boers for more than four months. 

1907 In Odessa, Russia, there were only about 15,000 Jews left
due to evacuations. 

1907 In Spain, a royal decree abolished civil marriages. 

1907 In New York, the Salvation Army opened an anti-suicide

1911 Industrialist Henry Frick acquired Velasquez's "Portrait of
King Philip IV." 

1911 Jose Ordonez was elected President of Uraguay. 

1912 Captain Albert Berry made the first parachute jump from a
moving airplane. 

1924 Disney released the first Alice Comedy entitled "Alice's Day
at Sea." 

1927 The Bank of Italy became a National Bank. 

1932 The 22-month-old son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh was
kidnapped. The child was found dead in May. 

1937 U.S. Steel raised workers’ wages to $5 a day. 

1937 In Connecticut, the first permanent automobile license
plates were issued. 

1941 FM Radio began in Nashville, TN, when station W47NV began

1941 Bulgaria joined the Axis powers by signing the Tripartite

1947 The International Monetary Fund began operations. 

1947 Chinese Premier T.V. Soong resigned. 

1949 Joe Louis announced that he was retiring from boxing as
world heavyweight boxing champion. 

1950 Klaus Fuchs was convicted of giving U.S. atomic secrets to
the Soviet Union. 

1954 The United States announced that it had conducted a hydrogen
bomb test on the Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Ocean. It was the
first U.S. test of a dry fuel hydrogen bomb under Operation

1954 Five U.S. congressmen were wounded when four Puerto Rican
nationalists opened fire from the gallery of the U.S. House of

1959 Archbishop Makarios returned to Cyprus from exile. 

1961 The Peace Corps was established by U.S. President Kennedy. 

1962 Pakistan announced that it had a new constitution that set
up a presidential system of government. 

1966 The Soviet probe, Venera 3 crashed on the planet Venus. It
was the first spacecraft to land on the surface of another

1966 Ghana ordered all Soviet, East German and Chinese
technicians to leave the country. 

1971 A bomb exploded in a restroom in the Senate wing of the U.S.
Capitol. There were no injuries. A U.S. group protesting the
Vietnam War claimed responsibility. 

1974 Seven people were indicted in connection with the Watergate
break-in. The charge was conspiring to obstruct justice. 

1983 The New Jersey Transit strike began. It ended on April 2. 

1984 The U.S.S.R. performed a nuclear test at Eastern Kazakhstan,
Semipalatinsk, U.S.S.R. 

1987 S&H Green Stamps became S&H Green Seals. The stamps were
introduced 90 years earlier. 

1988 Soviet troops were sent into Azerbaijan after ethnic riots
between Armenians and Azerbaijanis. 

1989 In Washington, DC, Mayor Barry and the City council imposed
a curfew on minors. 

1990 In Cairo, 16 people were killed in a fire at the Sheraton

1992 Bosnian Serb snipers fired upon civilians after a majority
of the Moslem and Croatian communities voted in favor of Bosnia's

1992 King Fahd of Saudi Arabia announced major political reforms
that ceded some powers after 10 years of disciplined rule. 

1992 Bosnian Muslims and Croats voted to secede from Yugoslavia. 

1993 The U.S. government announced that the number of food stamp
recipients had reached a record number of 26.6 million. 

1994 Israel released about 500 Arab prisoners in an effort to
placate Palestinians over the Hebron massacre. 

1995 The European Parliament rejected legislation that would have
allowed biotechnology companies to patent new life forms. 

1995 Yahoo! was incorporated. 

1996 In Kuala, Lumpur, construction was completed for the
Petronas Towers. 

1999 The Angolan Embassy in Lusaka, Zambia, exploded. Four other
bombs went off in the capital. 

1999 In Uganda, eight tourists were brutally murdered by Hutu

1999 Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones began their attempt to
circumnavigate the Earth in a hot air balloon non-stop. They
succeeded on March 20, 1999. 

2002 Operation Anaconda began in eastern Afghanistan. Allied
forces were fighting against Taliban and Al Quaida fighters. 

2003 In New York, a $250,000 Salvador Dali sketch was stolen from
a display case in the lobby at Rikers Island jail. On June 17,
2003, it was announced that four corrections officers had
surrendered and pled innocent in connection to the theft. The
mixed-media composition was a sketch of the crucifixion. 

2003 In the U.S., approximately 180,000 personnel from 22
different organizations around the government became part of the
Department of Homeland Security. This completed the largest
government reorganization since the beginning of the Cold War. 

2003 Khalid Shaikh Mohammed was captured by CIA and Pakistani
agents near Islamabad. He was the suspected mastermind behind the
terrorist attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001. 

2019  smiled.

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Can a laptop handle a Wireless printer 

Good Morning, !

Today is Thursday, February 28

Today's Bonehead Award: 
NC mom jailed after appearing 
in court as her daughter

Today, February 26 in
1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 50
slavery opponents began the new political group. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
In the end, everything is a gag. --- Charlie Chaplin (1889 - 1977) Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address. --- Lane Olinghouse Punctuality is the virtue of the bored. --- Evelyn Waugh Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain. --- Friedrich von Schiller A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes. --- Robert Frost ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ It's every airplane passenger's nightmare -- getting stuck near a crying baby. I was manning the ticket counter at a busy airport when the sound of a sobbing infant filled the air. As the next passenger stepped up to the desk, he glanced at the tot and rolled his eyes. "Don't worry," I said to him cheerily. "Chances are that baby won't be on your flight." Head shaking, he grimly replied, "Oh, I bet he will. That's my son." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Scorcher Murphy was selling his house and put the matter in an agent's hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading. After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked, "Have I got all ye say there?" The agent said, "Certainly ye have. Why d'ye ask?" Replied Murphy, "Cancel the sale! 'Tis too good to part with." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ Reported by Wayne: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Uganda Spencer, 44, Sanford, North Carolina NC mom jailed after appearing in court as her daughter A 44-year-old mom in North Carolina appeared in court as her daughter and was then jailed on existing warrants on Friday, according to the Chatham County Sheriff's Office. Uganda Spencer, of Sanford, appeared at the Chatham County Justice Center in Pittsboro posing as her daughter Gabrielle Spencer, a news release from deputies said. The mother was then arrested on an existing warrant for her daughter and taken to the Chatham County Detention Center, the release said. "During processing, Uganda’s true identity was revealed," officials said in the news release. Deputies said that the mother had three existing warrants and a criminal summons under her own name. In addition to her arrest, Uganda Spencer was subsequently charged with three counts of felony identity theft, common law forgery, resisting a public officer, and felony financial card theft. Uganda Spencer was held on a $10,000 secured bond. There is no word about what happened to her daughter. The mother's first court appearance is set for next Monday in Chatham County District Court in Pittsboro.
>From Gwen Re: Wireless printer Dear DearWebby Hi There, here I come again with a probably silly question. First, how can you tell if a computer can handle a 'wireless' connection? Need to purchase a printer for my laptop and the recommendation from a technician is an HP Officejet 3830 All in One at a cost of $99.99  Good deal? or not? Sorry to keep bothering you but I do know that I will get an honest answer from you. I'm the lady with the 20 year old DELL computer that I'm still using although slowly moving to the laptop thus the Wireless printer question. My laptop is an HP which is only a year old. Thanks so much for your help. Love the jokes and pass them on by times to friends who need a laugh now and again. Cheers, Gwen Dear Gwen Yes, a one year old laptop should most definitely be able to handle a wireless printer. Most printers also have a USB port to communicate with machines, that don't have wireless. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The young Ensign approached the crusty old Chief and asked him about the origin of the commissioned office insignias. "Well, Ensign, it's history and tradition. First, we give you a gold bar representing that you're valuable BUT malleable. The silver bar of a Lieutenant Junior Grade represents value, but less malleable. When you make Lieutenant, you're twice as valuable so we give you two silver bars. As a Captain, you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As an Admiral, you're obviously a star. That answer your question?" "Yeah, but what about Commanders and Lieutenant Commanders?" "Now that goes waaaaaay back in history. Back to the Garden of Eden even. You see, we've always covered our unmentionables with leaves. "
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy. Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Soldier: Do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: No, SIR! ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Clutter Control: Wallets and Purses Clean out your wallet or purse at least once a week. File important receipts and business cards that you have collected and don't carry anything that you don't need. If you are carrying your wallet in your back pocket, the thinner it is, the easier it is on your back when you sit down. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Scientists claim to have solved the mystery of the deadly Bermuda Triangle......I think I want it to remain a mystery.
___________________________________________________ A man was doing a study of children's senses in a first-grade class using a bowl of Lifesavers. He gave the children all the same kind of Lifesaver and asked them, "What is the flavor, and what color is it?" The children began to say, "Red . . . cherry . . . yellow . . lemon . .. lime. . . green . . . orange . . . orange." Finally, he gave them all honey Lifesavers. The children suck on them for a while, but can't decipher the taste. "Well," he said, "I'll give you a clue. It's what your mother would call your father." One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out, and yelled: "Everybody spit it out, they're as*********!" ___________________________________________________ Little Johnny was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said. Little Johnny said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait...." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A bus load of new recruits arrived at the reception center, and was greeted by an old drill sergeant. He began his speech, "Welcome to Fort Dix, men. From now on, I want you to think of the Army as your family and as your home." Hearing this, one of the recruits broke formation, sat down and lit a cigarette. "Private, what the ...... are you doing?" yelled the sergeant. "Well," said the private, "I'm just making myself at home. Like you said, this is my home." Thinking fast, the sergeant said, "Son, you listen good, and you're right. This is your home. So, as soon as you finish that cigarette, I want you to report to the mess hall to help mother with the dishes for this week." ___________________________________________________

Today February 28 in
1827 The Baltimore & Ohio Railroad became the first railroad
incorporated for commercial transportation of people and freight.

1844 Several people were killed aboard the USS Princeton when a
12-inch gun exploded. 

1849 Regular steamboat service to California via Cape Horn
arrived in San Francisco for the first time. The SS California
had left New York Harbor on October 6, 1848. The trip took 4
months and 21 days. 

1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 50
slavery opponents began the new political group. 

1881 Thomas Edison hired Samuel Insull as his private secretary. 

1885 AT&T (American Telephone and Telegraph) was incorporated.
The company was capitalized on only $100,000 and provided long
distance service for American Bell. 

1893 Edward G. Acheson showed his patent for Carborundum. 

1900 In South Africa, British troops relieved Ladysmith, which
had been under siege since November 2, 1899. 

1951 A Senate committee issued a report that stated that there
were at least two major crime syndicates in the U.S. 

1953 In a Cambridge University laboratory, scientists James D.
Watson and Francis H.C. Crick discovered the double-helix
structure of DNA. 

1954 In San Francisco "Birth of a Planet" was aired. It was the
first American phase-contrast cinemicrography film to be
presented on television. 

1956 A patent was issued to Forrester for a computer memory core.

1962 The John Glenn for President club was formed by a group of
Las Vegas republicans. 

1974 The U.S. and Egypt re-established diplomatic relations after
a break of seven years. 

1979 Mr. Ed, the talking horse from the TV show "Mr. Ed", died. 

1983 "M*A*S*H" became the most watched television program in
history when the final episode aired. 

1986 Swedish Prime Minister Olof Palme was assassinated in

1993 U.S. Federal agents raided the compound of an armed
religious cult in Waco, TX. The ATF had planned to arrest the
leader of the Branch Davidians, David Koresh, on federal firearms
charges. Four agents and six Davidians were killed and a 51-day
standoff followed. 

1994 NATO made its first military strike when U.S. F-16 fighters
shot down four Bosnian Serb warplanes in violation of a no-fly
zone over central Bosnia. 

1995 The Denver International Airport opened after a 16-month

1998 Serbian police began a campaign to wipe out "terrorist
gangs" in the Yugoslav province of Kosovo. 

2001 The Northwest region of the U.S., including the state of
Washington, was hit by an earthquake that measured 6.9 on the
Richter Scale. There were no deaths reported. 

2002 In Ahmadabad, India, Hindus set fire to homes in a Muslim
neighborhood. At least 55 people were killed in the attack. 

2002 Sotheby's auction house announced that it had identified
Peter Paul Reubens as the creator of the painting "The Massacre
of the Innocents." The painting was previously thought to be by
Jan van den Hoecke. 

2007 NASA's New Horizons spacecraft made a gravitational
slingshot against Jupiter to change the planned trajectory
towards Pluto. 

2013 Benedict XVI resigned as pope. He was the first pope to
resign since Gregory XII in 1415 and the first to resign
voluntarily since Celestine V in 1294. 

2019  smiled.

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Checking your drivers 

Good Morning, !

Today is Wednesday, February 27

Today's Bonehead Award: 
"Naked And Belligerent" 
Florida Woman Busted

Today, February 27 in
1997 In Ireland, divorce became legal. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. --- Arthur C. Clarke (1917 - ) Clarke was claiming in the 60s that your muscle cars were bringing on an ice age. In the 90's Al Gore used the same arguments to claim that your cars were bringing on Gullible Warming. Well, the Gullible Warming cycle has peaked and it is time for the "Ice Age is coming!" scare again. ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Charley, a new retiree greeter at Walmart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, sometimes 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean shaven, sharp minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies. One day the boss was in a real quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, he called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang on job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome." "Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it." "Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though, your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?" "They said, 'Good morning, General. Tea or coffee this morning, sir?'" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Two buddies are fishing, but they haven't caught anything all day. Then another fisherman walks by with a huge load of fish. They ask him, "Excuse me, but where did you get all those fish?" The other fisherman replies, "If you just go down the stream until the water isn't salty, you will find a ton of hungry fish." They thank him and go on their way. Fifteen minutes later, one fisherman says to the other, "Fill the bucket up with water and see if the water is salty." He dips the bucket in the stream and drinks some. "Nope. Still salty." Thirty minutes later, he asks him to check again. "Nope, still salty." One hour later they check again. "Nope. Still salty." "This isn't good," one fisherman finally says. "We have been walking for almost two hours and the water is still salty!" "I know," says the other. "And the bucket is almost empty!" ______________________________________________________ Manarola, Italy _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ Correction: Tom told me that yesterday's Fentanyl mule is actually in Virginia. An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Samantha Jewel Hernandez, 21, Vero Beach, Florida "Naked And Belligerent" Florida Woman Busted Cops today arrested a “naked and belligerent” Florida Woman for allegedly attacking her fiancée after he declined to have sex with her, according to a police report. Officers responding early this morning to a disturbance call at a Vero Beach apartment building encountered Samantha Jewel Hernandez, 21, sans clothes and in an ornery mood. Hernandez (pictured at right) denied doing anything to her fiancée, “but was too intoxicated” to provide further information. The victim, 21, told police that Hernandez “wanted to engage him in sexual intercourse,” which he declined. “Hernandez was angry at the fact that [the victim] did not want to have sex and began attacking him, striking him in the face and ripping his shirt.” Cops noted that the man had scratches on his face and neck and was wearing a torn shirt. Hernandez was then arrested on a misdemeanor domestic battery charge based on her boyfriend’s statements and “injuries observed on scene.” Hernandez, who works as a cashier, and the victim have lived together for two years, cops reported. After being placed in the rear of a police cruiser, Hernandez “maliciously spit” on the arm of a patrolman “while yelling profanities.” As a result, she was charged with battery on a police officer, a felony. A judge today scheduled Hernandez’s arraignment for April 12 and ordered her to have no contact with her fiancée. Hernandez, seen in the below mug shot, is being held in the county jail in lieu of $6000 bond.
>From Loretta Re: Are my drivers up to date? Dear DearWebby I keep getting ads for checking my drivers. Most of them seem BS, because they are way too wordy. If it takes that many pages to sell something, it usually is boohl sheet. Since everything works, do I really have to worry about my drivers? Thanks Loretta Dear Loretta You are right. When everything works, don't f***, ahem, mess with it. If you are curious about your drivers, hit START and type dxdiag and hit ENTER. Then go get a coffee. When you come back you have the Direct X Diagnostic tool open. Yes, that is indeed a lot more information than you really need, but you can goof around in that. It might point out the odd unsigned or out of date driver. You don't have to panic about that. A lot of those devices don't have new drivers available. Remember the spectacular failure of VISTA and Windows8, that failed mostly because of a lack of drivers? Printer and scanner and camera companies did not bother to produce VISTA drivers for sold and paid for devices. The same thing is still going on. It may be interesting to check all that out, but if something works, don't worry about it. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
This Christian couple felt it important to own an equally Christian pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home. That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little. The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about "normal" tricks. Well, they said, "Let's try this out." Once more they called the dog, and they clearly pronounced the command, "Heel!" Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, looked up at the light and started to howl. "Oh, Nooooooh! He's a Pentecostal!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Dave for bringing back this delightful classic: A preacher, who shall we say was "humor impaired," attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry. Among the presenters were many well-known and dynamic speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was another man's wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" The crowd burst into laughter and he delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well. The next week, the pastor decided he'd give this humor thing a try and use that joke in his sermon. As he approached the pulpit that sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It suddenly seemed a bit foggy to him. Getting to the microphone, he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that was another man's wife!" The congregation inhaled half the air in the room. After standing there for almost 10 seconds in the stunned silence, trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Rain Checks If a store runs out of an item that is on sale, ask them for a rain check. Rain checks allow you to pay the sale price for the item at a later date. If the store can't give you a rain check, take the ad to a competitor to see if they will price match. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Unbelievable places that really exist.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Martin for this story: An overweight man was waiting in line at a bank. There were two teenage boys in line behind him. They were giggling and making fun of how fat the man was. After five minutes of this the man turned to the boys and asked them politely to stop, as he couldn't help his weight problem. With this the boys asked, "Oh, and why are you so fat Mister?" The Man turned around and replied: "Well, every time I messed with your mother, she gave me a cookie." ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: Panicking when her toddler swallowed a tiny magnet, my sister, Betty, rushed him to the emergency room. "He'll be fine," the doctor promised her. "The magnet should pass through his system in a day or two." "How will I be sure?" she pressed. "Well," the doctor suggested, "you could stick him on the refrigerator. When he falls off, you'll know." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A mother and a daughter are shopping in the mall, when the mother eyes an expensive fur coat. "This year," she says, "I think that I will buy my present instead of making you and Dad shop for me." The daughter nods in agreement. "And I think this fur coat would be perfect too." The daughter protests, "But Mom, some helpless, poor creature has to suffer so that you can have this." "Don't worry, honey," says the mother. "Your father won't get the bill for a couple of weeks." ___________________________________________________

Today February 27 in
1700 The Pacific Island of New Britain was discovered. 

1827 New Orleans held its first Mardi Gras celebration. 

1861 In Warsaw, Russian troops fired on a crowd protesting
Russian rule over Poland. Five protesting marchers were killed in
the incident. 

1867 Dr. William G. Bonwill invented the dental mallet. 

1883 Oscar Hammerstein patented the first cigar-rolling machine. 

1896 The "Charlotte Observer" published a picture of an X-ray
photograph made by Dr. H.L. Smith. The photograph showed a
perfect picture of all the bones of a hand and a bullet that
Smith had placed between the third and fourth fingers in the

1900 In South Africa, the British received an unconditional
surrender from Boer Gen. Piet Cronje at Paardeberg. 

1922 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the 19th Amendment that
guaranteed women the right to vote. 

1933 The Reichstag, Germany's parliament building in Berlin, was
set afire. The Nazis accused Communists for the fire. 

1939 The U.S. Supreme Court outlawed sit-down strikes. 

1949 Chaim Weizmann became the first Israeli president. 

1951 The 22nd Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified,
limiting U.S. Presidents to two terms. 

1972 The Shanghai Communique was issued by U.S. President Nixon
and Chinese Premier Chou En-lai. 

1973 The American Indian Movement occupied Wouned Knee in South

1981 Chrysler Corporation was granted an additional $400 million
in federal loan guarantees. Chrysler had posted a loss of $1.7
billion in 1980. 

1982 Wayne B. Williams was convicted of murdering two of the 28
black children and young adults whose bodies were found in
Atlanta, GA, over a two-year period. 

1986 The U.S. Senate approved the telecast of its debates on a
trial basis. 

1990 The Exxon Corporation and Exxon Shipping were indicted on
five criminal counts in reference to the 1989 Exxon Valdez oil

1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush announced live on television
that "Kuwait is liberated." 

1997 In Ireland, divorce became legal. 

1998 Britain's House of Lords agreed to give a monarch's first-
born daughter the same claim to the throne as any first-born son.
This was the end to 1,000 years of male preference. 

1999 Colin Prescot and Andy Elson set a new hot air balloon
endurance record when they had been aloft for 233 hours and 55
minutes. The two were in the process of trying to circumnavigate
the Earth. 

1999 Nigeria returned to civilian rule when Gen. Olusegun
Obasanjo became the country's first elected president since
August of 1983. 

2002 In Boston, twenty people working at Logan International
Airport were charged with lying to get their jobs or security

2019  smiled.

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How to identify your computer in filters 

Good Morning, !

Today is Tuesday, February 26

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Ex-"American Idol" contestant was arrested 
with enough fentanyl to kill 415,000 people

Today, February 26 in
1930 New York City installed traffic lights. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Conceit is God's gift to little men. --- Bruce Barton I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's willing to make a decision she'll regret in the future." --- Richard Jeni ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal. "Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a friend. "Your chances are better," said the friend, "if you tell her you're 90." ------- Hey, Ladies! I am not enormously wealthy, but before my fist sip of coffee in the morning, I feel like I was 90. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Bernie was unfortunate enough to be hit by a truck and ended up in the hospital. His best friend Morris came to visit him. Bernie struggles to tell Morris, "My wife Sadie visits me three times a day. She's so good to me. Every day, she reads to me at the bedside." "What does she read?" asks Morris. "My life insurance policy." ______________________________________________________ Do you see the dragon? _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Antonella Barba, 32, Norfolk, New Jersey Ex-"American Idol" contestant was arrested with enough fentanyl to kill 415,000 people A former "American Idol" and "Fear Factor" contestant was arrested last October with enough fentanyl to kill 415,000 people, according to an analysis by The Virginian-Pilot using Drug Enforcement Administration statistics. But before Antonella Barba was indicted earlier this month in federal court, she was doing well on bond while awaiting trial on related charges in state court. With the support of federal prosecutors, U.S. Magistrate Judge Lawrence R. Leonard agreed Wednesday to let Barba, 32, live with her parents in New Jersey while she waits for her new trial. Barba will be released Thursday after she is fitted with a special monitor that will make sure she follows a curfew. If she violates the terms of her release, her father could be forced to pay $10,000. No trial is currently scheduled in U.S. District Court in Norfolk. According to court documents and prosecutors, Barba is one of eight members of a drug conspiracy that was active in Hampton Roads from at least late 2017 through the fall of 2018. All but one of them are now in custody. Norfolk police arrested Barba around 11:30 a.m. Oct. 11, 2018, in the 500 block of Duke Street, according to a department spokesman. The indictment said Justin Michael Isaac directed her that day to deliver about 830 grams of fentanyl to a conspirator. That is almost two pounds. According to the DEA, 2 mgs — or 0.002 grams — of fentanyl is lethal to most people. That means they got the dope for over 400,000 capital punishments. No more lame brained excuses!
>From Ann Re: Identifying your computer in filters Dear DearWebby I agree that the forged sender spam is getting out of hand. Now, how do I identify my computer to allow real mail from myself to go through, -I do send memos and important stuff to myself-, but let filters grab any forged mail? Ann Dear Ann Send a mail to yourself and look at the header. In there you will see the machine name, that you gave your machine, when you set up your home network. It will be something like "Ann5". Then use your MailWasher to make a filter to nuke all mail with your address in the FROM field, except when "Ann5" is in the entire header. Simple, but 100% effective. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Roland for this story: A Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?" Maria: "Well Seńora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you." Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?" Maria: "Your husband said so." Wife: "Oh." Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you." Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?" Maria: "Your husband did." Wife: "Oh." Maria: "My third reason is that I am a better lover than you." Wife (really furious now): "Did my husband say that as well?" Maria: "No Seńora, the postman did." She got the raise.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men.... that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes After a few days they meet again..... The engaged girlfriend said: "The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4" stilettos and mask. He said, "You are the woman of my life, I love you... then we made love all night long." The mistress stated: "Oh Yes! The other night we met in his office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word. We just had wild sex all night." The married one then said: "The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mother's for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes. My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer, and said, "Hey Batman, what's for dinner?" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Treat Carpet Stains Immediately Treat spills quickly for the best chance of avoiding a stain. Much can be removed if you immediately blot with a towel. If you have kids, make sure they know that they need to tell you about spills immediately so they do not have time to set. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
___________________________________________________ An American tourist was visiting a small village in Ireland when there was a sudden gust of wind which blew his hat off into the middle of a nearby pond. Walking over to a local, who was sitting beside the pond, the tourist asked, "Say, son, how deep is this pond?" "Oh, only a few inches," replied the local. After taking his shoes off and rolling his trousers up over his knees, the tourist stepped into the pond to retrieve his hat and, within a few seconds, was completely submerged in the water. Swimming out to the middle of the pond he finally reached his hat, and then struggled back to edge. Climbing out, he turned to the local and screamed, "Hey you, I thought you said that pond was only a few inches deep!" "Well," shrugged the local, "the water only comes half way up that duck over there." ___________________________________________________ I met a man who had been married for 66 years. "Amazing. 66 years!" I said. "What's the secret to such a long, happy marriage?" "Well," he replied, "It's like this. The man makes all the big decisions and the woman just makes the little decisions." "Really?" I responded. "Does that really work?" "Oh, yes," he said proudly. "66 years, and so far, not one big decision!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Because my mother had a habit of losing her cordless phone, I bought her a phone with a clip on it so she could attach it directly to her belt. A few days later, I walked into my mother's home and found her standing in the middle of the living room, halfway dressed. That didn't strike me as odd so much as the fact that she was holding her pants to the side of her head and speaking into them. "Don't look at me that way," she yelled. "The phone started ringing and I couldn't figure out how to undo this stupid clip!" ___________________________________________________

Today February 26 in
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte escaped from the Island of Elba. He then
began his second conquest of France. 

1848 The second French Republic was proclaimed. 

1863 U.S. President Lincoln signed the National Currency Act. 

1870 In New York City, the first pneumatic-powered subway line
was opened to the public. (Beach Pneumatic Transit) 

1881 S.S. Ceylon began his world-wide cruise, beginning in
Liverpool, England. 

1907 The U.S. Congress raised their own pay to $7500. 

1916 Mutual signed Charlie Chaplin to a film contract. 

1919 In Arizona, the Grand Canyon was established as a National
Park with an act of the U.S. Congress. 

1929 U.S. President Coolidge signed a bill creating the Grand
Teton National Park. 

1930 New York City installed traffic lights. 

1933 A ground-breaking ceremony was held at Crissy Field for the
Golden Gate Bridge. 

1945 In the U.S., a nationwide midnight curfew went into effect. 

1952 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill announced that
Britain had developed an atomic bomb. The US had given Britain
and France the necessary information.

1979 "Flatbush" debuted on CBS-TV. 

1986 Corazon Aquino was inaugurated president of the Philippines.
Long time President Ferdinand Marcos went into exile. 

1987 The Tower Commission rebuked U.S. President Reagan for
failing to control his national security staff in the wake of the
Iran-Contra affair. 

1987 The U.S.S.R. conducted its first nuclear weapons test after
a 19-month moratorium period. 

1991 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein announced on Baghdad Radio
that Iraqi troops were being withdrawn from Kuwait. 

1993 Six people were killed and more than a thousand injured when
a van exploded in the parking garage beneath the World Trade
Center in New York City. The bomb had been built by Islamic

1995 Barings PLC collapsed after a securities dealer lost more
than $1.4 billion by gambling on Tokyo stock prices. The company
was Britain's oldest investment banking firm. 

1998 A Texas jury rejected an $11 million lawsuit by Texas
cattlemen who blamed Oprah Winfrey for price drop after on-air
comment about mad-cow disease. 

1998 In Oregon, a health panel rules that taxpayers must help to
pay for doctor-assisted suicides. 

2001 A U.N. tribunal convicted Bosnian Croat political leader
Dario Kordic and military commander Mario Cerkez of war crimes.
They had ordered the systematic murder and persecution of Muslim
civilians during the Bosnian war. 

2002 In Rome, Italy, a bomb exploded near the Interior Ministry.
No injuries were reported. 

2009 Former Serbian president Milan Milutinovic was acquitted by
the International Criminal Tribunal for the former Yugoslavia
regarding war crimes during the Kosovo War. 

2009 The Pentagon reveresed its 18-year policy of not allowing
media to cover returning war dead. The reversal allowsd some
media coverage with family approval.

2019  smiled.

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Mailer daemon returns 

Good Morning, !

Today is Monday, February 25

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Police Cage Prowler Wearing Gorilla Suit

Today, February 25 in
1836 Samuel Colt received U.S. Patent No. 138 (later 9430X) 
for a "revolving-cylinder pistol." It was his first patent. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be. --- Paul Valery (1871 - 1945) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Bob was having marital problems. So he went to his psychiatrist for a little help. The shrink says "when you get home, throw down your briefcase, run to her, embrace her, take off her clothes, and yours, and make mad passionate love to her." In two weeks Bob was back in the shrink's office. The shrink asked "How did it go?" Bob said, "She hasn't talked to me since, but her bridge club got quite a kick out of it." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, crying. She asked him, "What's wrong with you?" He replied, "Remember when your father caught us together, when you were 16? Remember he said that I had a choice, I could either marry you, or be sent away to prison for the next 20 years." Baffled, she said, "Yes." The husband bawled, "I would have been released from prison today." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jeremie Joseph Moran, 34, Vinton, Louisiana Police Cage Prowler Wearing Gorilla Suit A man wearing a gorilla costume last week broke into a Louisiana residence, according to cops who fought with the suspect after finding him hiding under a mattress. Police in Sulphur, a city about 20 miles east of the Texas border, responded Wednesday evening to a call about a suspicious man--dressed in an all-black outfit--prowling around homes and peering into windows. When officers located the suspect--later identified as Jeremie Joseph Moran, 34--he fled into a nearby residence, ignoring police demands to stop. During a subsequent search of the home, cops found Moran (seen above) beneath a mattress. He was wearing a "black gorilla suit" at the time, investigators say. Moran tussled with cops trying to handcuff him, but he was eventually subdued and placed under arrest. He was charged with multiple offenses, including unauthorized entry of an inhabited dwelling, methamphetamine possession, resisting a police officer with violence or force, and wearing a mask or hood in public. Moran, who lives in the neighboring city of Vinton, remains caged on the felony and misdemeanor counts at the Calcasieu Correctional Center. Asked about the defendant's gorilla outfit, a police spokesperson said that "the only reason" Moran would have opted for the costume "was the possibility of the drugs he was using."
>From Ted Re: Mailer Daemon returns Dear DearWebby I have had a few mailer daemon returns like this one I just received. Sorry. Your message could not be delivered to: joshua croft,DCSD Mail (The name was not found at the remote site. Check that the name has been entered correctly.) The problem is I never sent a message to the delivery addresses on these Daemon returns. Could spyware be using my computer to send messages that I am unaware of. If so what can I do about it? Ted Dear Ted There is a lot of spam coming out of that server, so much in fact that the blacklists flag it as bad. Part of that is probably due to Yahoo addresses being available to spammers, who forge them as return addresses. When spam, that has your address forged as the return address, bounces back from a full or no longer working address, it of course bounces to you. Just make a filter with MailWasher to trash mail that has your return or sender address but not your machine ID. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace. "How many of you," he asked, "would say you're opposed to war?" Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked, "who'll give us the reason for being opposed to war?" A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised his hand. "Johnny?" The teacher said. "I hate war," Johnny said, "because wars make history, and I hate history."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution: "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked someone from the back of the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. 'Hon,' I suggested, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" The voice from the back asked, "Did it save time?" The expert replied, "Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Removing a Bumper Sticker To remove a bumper sticker from a metal bumper, dampen the sticker with vinegar, lighter fluid, or nail polish remover and scrape the sticker off with a razor blade. Be sure to test your cleaning solution in an inconspicuous place before using it on a plastic bumper. Most bumper stickers can be peeled off easily, if heated with a hair dryer or heat gun. Have FUN DearWebby Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Artist Crochets Balaclavas, Then Turns Them Into Wild Masks With Yarn. Check out her Instagram page.
___________________________________________________ It was a difficult subject to bring before his aged mother, but John felt that he must. "Mom, you are no longer a spring chicken and you do need to think ahead of what will happen in the future. Why don't we make arrangements about when..... you know... when.... God forbid... you pass on?" The mother didn't say anything, just sat there staring ahead. "I mean, Mom, like.... how do you want to finally go? Do you want to be buried? Cremated?" There was yet another long pause. Then the mother looked up and said, "Son, why don't you simply surprise me?" ___________________________________________________ The teen-aged beauty was telling a friend that she was really worried about her mother. It seems she's always fatigued from staying up all night long. Her friend asked, "What's she doing staying up all night? At her age, that's not good at all." The girl replied, "Waiting for me to come home." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement. Being a good foot taller than her, he tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades... SOMEBODY is going to get a spanking." ___________________________________________________

Today February 25 in
1570 England's Queen Elizabeth I was excommunicated by Pope Pius

1751 Edward Willet displayed the first trained monkey act in the

1836 Samuel Colt received U.S. Patent No. 138 (later 9430X) for a
"revolving-cylinder pistol." It was his first patent. 

1901 The United States Steel Corp. was incorporated by J.P.

1913 The 16th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. It
authorized a graduated income tax. 

1919 The state of Oregon became the first state to place a tax on
gasoline. The tax was 1 cent per gallon. 

1928 The Federal Radio Commission issued the first U.S.
television license to Charles Jenkins Laboratories in Washington,

1930 The bank check photographing device was patented. 

1933 The aircraft carrier Ranger was launched. It was the first
ship in the U.S. Navy to be designed and built from the keel up
as an aircraft carrier. 

1837 Thomas Davenport patented the first commercial electrical
motor. There was no practical electical distribution system
available and Davenport went bankrupt. 

1940 The New York Rangers and the Montreal Canadiens played in
the first hockey game to be televised in the U.S. The game was
aired on W2WBS in New York with one camera in a fixed position.
The Rangers beat the Canadiens 6-2. 

1948 Communists seized power in Czechoslovakia. 

1956 Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev criticized the late Josef
Stalin in a speech before a Communist Party congress in Moscow. 

1972 Germany gave a $5 million ransom to Arab terrorists who had
hijacked a jumbo jet. 

1986 Filippino President Ferdinand E. Marcos fled the Philippines
after 20 years of rule after a tainted election. 

1999 William King was sentenced to death for the racial murder of
James Byrd Jr in Jasper, TX. Two other men charged were later
convicted for their involvement. 

1999 In Moscow, China's Prime Minister Zhu Rongji and Russia's
President Boris Yeltsin discussed trade and other issues. 

2005 Dennis Rader was arrested for the BTK serial killings in
Wichita, KS. He later pleaded guilty and was sentenced to 10 life
prison terms.

2019  smiled.

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Try Opera to bypass browser hijackers 

Good Morning, !

Today is Sunday, February 24

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Port Richey mayor shot at deputies 
serving warrant for illegal medical practice

Today, February 23 in
1903 In Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, an area was leased to the U.S. for
a naval base. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave. --- Mahatma Gandhi ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other in an airplane. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?" The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our laws." The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?" To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich." The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?" The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith." The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?" The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith." The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes. Finally, the rabbi said, "Beats the hell out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it? _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this: Washing Clothes Recipe imagine having a recipe for this ! ! ! Yyears ago an Alabama grandmother gave the new bride the following recipe: this is an exact copy as written and found in an old scrapbook - with spelling errors and all. Washing Clothes build fire in backyard to heat kettle of rain water. set tubs so smoke wont blow in eyes if wind is pert. shave one hole cake of lie soap in boilin water. sort things, make 3 piles 1 pile white, 1 pile colored, 1 pile work britches and rags to make starch, stir flour in cool water to smooth, then thin down with boiling water. take white things, rub dirty spots on board, scrub hard, and boil, then rub colored... don't boil, just wrench and starch. take things out of kettle with broom stick handle, then wrench, and starch. hang old rags on fence. spread tea towels on grass. pore wrench water in flower bed. scrub porch with hot soapy water. turn tubs upside down. go put on clean dress, smooth hair with hair combs. brew cup of tea, sit and rock a spell and count your blessings. ================================== paste this over your washer and dryer. next time when you think things are bleak, read it again, kiss that washing machine and dryer, and give thanks. first thing each morning you should run and hug your washer and dryer, also your toilet ---those two-holers used to get mighty cold! for you non-southerners -wrench means rinse. :) ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dave Toliver, East St Louis Illinois Port Richey mayor shot at deputies serving warrant for illegal medical practice The mayor of Port Richey, Florida has been arrested after deputies say he fired shots at law enforcement officers who were trying to serve a search warrant at his home Thursday. Pasco County Sheriff Chris Nocco compared the alleged crimes of the 68-year-old mayor, Dale Glen Massad, with those of shamed former D.C. mayor Marion Barry. Now, county and state officials are investigating the shooting as well as a possible illegal medical practice Massad was allegedly running from his Port Richey home. It started early Thursday morning when Pasco County Sheriff's Office SWAT officers showed up at the home, located at 8221 Hayward Lane. They were there to serve a warrant related to allegations Massad was still practicing medicine despite having his medical license revoked in 1992, according to the Florida Department of Law Enforcement. FDLE said One medical procedure he allegedly performed sent the patient to the hospital. When SWAT arrived, the sheriff's office said they “announced their presence” and tried to enter. That’s when bullets flew toward the SWAT members. Deputies said they did not return fire. There were no injuries and Massad was taken into custody. Sheriff Nocco said during a press conference Thursday that Massad may face multiple charges of attempted homicide against law enforcement officials. "He's lucky he's not dead," Nocco said. "Every day those members put their lives on the line. They're lucky to go home." Nocco said there is a suspicion that Massad was under the influence of drugs at the time of the shooting and made comments to officers about not going back to jail. "When somebody says 'I'm not going back to jail' that either means it's going to be a shootout, they're either going to flee from us somehow...or possibly suicide by cop," Nocco said. "He's the one who made the decision to shoot [at] us. He's the one who is going to jail." It's not the first time Massad was arrested. In August 2018, Massad was arrested on a domestic battery charge.
From: Richi Re: Found browser that works Hi webby ,i finally came accross a broswer that works, after d/l and uninstalling various ones,i d/l opera browser and went to see if it would open up links when i clicked on them and sure enough this one did.its so weird how the google browser was acting like that maybe there was a glitch in it but it was strange it was doing that after using it for so long..i added my bookmarks to it. do you think it would be okay to uninstall the other one?tyvm for all of your help.its gr8tly appreciated Richi Dear Richi That is why I suggested UNinstalling your browsers and trying that list of browsers, in the hope, that your resident hijacker did not have power over at least one of the browsers. Opera is actually made for Mac machines, but it works well enough on Windows. Opera has much better font rendering and is the preferred browser for reading large text documents. Easist on the eyes! So, now you know that the problem is due to a resident hijacker. There are lots of programs on the net for getting rid of hijackers, most of them free. Pick one that you like, and run it to clean up your machine. Hijackers are NOT viruses, because they don't propagate on their own. You get them as payload on unsavory stuff. Run Malwarebytes! It may clean that Hijacker, even though it is not a virus. Try it anyway. You probably have other bad shit on the machine too. A popular anti Hijacker program is HijackThis! It is a bit tedious to run, but very thorough. You get it at https://sourceforge.net/projects/hjt/ If you don't like it, there are plenty of other anti-Hijackers on the net. The easiest is checking browser extensions and dumping any, that you don't absolutely need. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from Louisiana arrived ....and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless.' With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, 'Come on, baby.... Southern Girl needs new clothes!' As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down... and squealed... 'YES! YES! I WON ! I WON !' She hugged each of the dealers.. and then picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?' The other answered, 'I don't know... I thought you were watching.' Moral of this story --- Not all Southerners are stupid. Not all blondes are dumb. But, all men ..... are men.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK.... 1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit. 2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. 3. How about never? Is never good for you? 4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. 5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way. 6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. 7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message. 8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant. 9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying. 10. Ahhh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again. 11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid. 12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers. 13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn. 14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. 15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. 16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. 17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. 18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. 19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks! 20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. 21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off. 22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. 23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...? 24. Do I look like a people person? 25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. 26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. 27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. 28. If I throw a stick, will you leave? 29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. 30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. 31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. 32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. 33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1? 34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses. 35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? 36. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done. 37. How do I set a laser printer to stun? 38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary. 39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon? 40. Oh I get it... like humor... but different. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Keeping Batteries Fresh To prevent batteries from wearing down if a flashlight is accidentally nudged on while you're traveling, put the flashlight batteries in backwards or don't put them in the flashlight at all until needed. Thriftyfun.com Instead of putting batteries in backwards, just put a bit of masking tape over the end of one battery. Leave the tape sticking out as a handle to extract the "locked" battery. Keep in mind that the jokers at Security like turning devices on to see if they are real, but often forget to turn them off again. You have all heard of razors and vibrators humming and the owner having to open the suitcase and turn them off, while everybody else was chuckling or laughing. It happened to my nephew too. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
The Shirk Report
___________________________________________________ First golfer, Bill: "What was your score?" Bob: "Seventy-two." Bill: "That's not too bad at all!" Bob: "Thanks! I hope I'll do better on the second hole." ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: A young man was applying for a job with a big company. "I'm sorry," said the personnel manager, "but the firm is over staffed. We have more employees now than we really need." "That's all right," replied the young man, undiscouraged. "The work I do is never noticed anyway." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture: Magic Tap in Cadiz, Spain I was about 6 years old when I saw a magic tap for my first time. It was at some trade show and a brewery used it as an attention getting gag. The man at the booth delighted in being sadistic and not telling me how it worked. The Magic Tap was in a big aquarium style glass showcase, that had an electrical cord going to it. Since I was becoming a pest with my insistent questioning, dad dragged me on to the other displays. Well, a while later I circled back, checked where that electrical cord went. It ws a long extension cord that snaked along and behind quite a few booths all the way to the end wall. Naturally I unplugged it. The Magic Tap flow stopped and revealed a pipe that had been hidden by the flow. Simple. Because I was mad at the bozo who had refused to tell me, I left the cord unplugged and scurried away. ___________________________________________________

Today February 24 in
1839 Mr. William S. Otis received a patent for the steam shovel. 

1903 In Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, an area was leased to the U.S. for
a naval base. 

1925 A thermit bomb was used for the first time. It was used to
break up a 250,000-ton ice jam that had clogged the St. Lawrence
River near Waddington, NY. 

1938 The first nylon bristle toothbrush was made. It was the
first time that nylon yarn had been used commercially. 

1942 The U.S. Government stopped shipments of all 12-gauge
shotguns for sporting use for the wartime effort. 

1945 During World War II, the Philippine capital of Manilla, was
liberated by U.S. soldiers. 

1946 Juan Peron was elected president of Argentina. 

1956 The city of Cleveland invoked a 1931 law that barred people
under the age of 18 from dancing in public without an adult

1980 NBC premiered the TV movie "Harper Valley P.T.A." 

1981 Buckingham Palace announced the engagement of Britain's
Prince Charles to Lady Diana Spencer. 

1983 A U.S.congressional commission released a report that
condemned the internment of Japanese-Americans during World War

1987 An exploding supernova was discovered in the Large
Magellanic Cloud galaxy. 

1988 The U.S. Supreme Court overturned a $200,000 award to Rev.
Jerry Falwell that had been won against "Hustler" magazine. The
ruling expanded legal protections for parody and satire. 

1989 Iran’s Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini sentenced Salman Rushdie
to death for his novel "The Satanic Verses". A bounty of one to
three-million-dollars was also put on Rushidie's head. 

1989 A United Airlines 747 jet rips open in flight killing 9
people. The flight was from Honolulu to New Zealand. 

1997 In the U.S. the Food and Drug Administration named six
brands of birth control as safe and effective "morning-after"
pills for preventing pregnancy. 

1999 In southeast China, a domestic airliner crashed killing all
64 passengers. 

2007 The Virginia General Assembly passed a resolution expressing
"profound regret" for the state's role in slavery. 

2008 Cuba's parliament named Raul Castro president. His brother
Fidel had ruled for nearly 50 years.

2019  smiled.

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CD reader for DVDs 

Good Morning, !

Today is Saturday, February 23

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Man accused of throwing toilet through 
front glass of E STL Board of 
Education building

Today, February 23 in
2000 Robby Knievel made a successful motorcycle jump of 200 feet
over an oncoming train. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way. --- Carl Sandburg (1878 - 1967), ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A third grade teacher was getting to know her pupils on the first day of school. She turned to one little girl and asked, "What does your Daddy do?" The girl replied, "Whatever my Mommy tells him to do." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Angela for bringing back this classic: My Mother taught me... 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 3 My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why." 5 My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!" 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home." 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!" 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way." 19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 20. My mother taught me HUMOUR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father." 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 24. My mother taught me WISDOM "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." 25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you ______________________________________________________ Polkadotter _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dave Toliver, East St Louis Illinois Man accused of throwing toilet through front glass of E STL Board of Education building Police said they found him a short time later near the intersection of 11th and Cleveland. Officers said he was sitting on another toilet. A man is facing a property damage charge after police said he threw a toilet through the glass at the front of the East St. Louis Board of Education building. Police said they were called to the building at 10th and State Streets. When they got there, people in the building said Dave Toliver, a 36-year-old Florida man, carried the toilet to the building and threw it through the glass. Police said they found him a short time later near the intersection of 11th and Cleveland. Officers said he was sitting on another toilet. He was charged with one count of criminal property damage, a class-three felony. His bond was set at $10,000.
From: Eddie Re: CD reader for DVDs Dear DearWebby Is there is software out there that will play DVD Movies on a CD Burner? Eddie Dear Eddie No, there isn't. CD is a different format, like a different spur line railroad. Just like rail cars from European rail lines, that are based on the width of two horses asses, don't fit onto American rails, which are based on the width of three asses' butts, CD and DVD don't match. There are some DVD's that have a short version in CD format on their back side. You can play the CD side in a CD player, and don't need any special software for that. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Scorpio for this story: Reverend Ole was the pastor of the local Norwegian Lutheran Church, and Pastor Sven was the minister of the Swedish Covenant Church across the road. They had just pounded a sign into the ground, that reads: "The end is near! Turn yourself around now! Before it's too late!" As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window giving the finger and yelling, "Get lost you religious fruit cakes!" From the curve ahead there then followed the horrendous screeching of tires and the sickening thud of a vehicle landing in an abyss. Rev. Ole turns to Pastor Sven and asks, "Do ya tink maybe da sign should just say 'Bridge Out'?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day, John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was just about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late. 'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?', they asked. 'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project' said Tommy. The Robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair. 'Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went after school.' 'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' 'What did you watch?' asked Marsha. 'The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy. The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.' 'I'm ashamed of you Son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.' The robot then walked around to John and delivered a roundhouse right that nearly knocked him out of his chair. Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears. 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! And you can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!' The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, and slapped her... ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Mow in Different Directions Mow in a different direction each time you mow your lawn. This will help prevent wear patterns that can develop when grass is always pushed in the same direction. Mow at a right angle to the previous direction that you mowed. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
This is your internet.
___________________________________________________ There was this world famous painter. In the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world. After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored. The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor's office. Part of her work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall. When she had finished her work, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art: the doctor's office. During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall, and asked the doctor, "What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?" To this, the eye doctor responded, "I said to myself 'Thank God I'm not a gynecologist.' ___________________________________________________ >From Maria Everybody's a comedian. I called my local home improvement store for a simple piece of advice. "I know the Sheetrock is nailed to the studs," I said to the guy who answered the phone, "but how do I find the studs?" "Put an ad in the personals column." he suggested. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Seababy for this announcement: China will no longer publish a phone directory due to chaos. There were so many Wings and Wong's in THE DIRECTORY, people were always winging wong numbers. I felt you needed to know this. Seababy ___________________________________________________

Today February 23 in
1574 France began the 5th holy war against the Huguenots. 

1660 Charles XI became the king of Sweden. 

1813 The first U.S. raw cotton-to-cloth mill was founded in
Waltham, MA. 

1820 The Cato Street conspiracy was uncovered. 

1836 In San Antonio, TX, the siege of the Alamo began. 

1847 Santa Anna was defeated at the Battle of Buena Vista in
Mexico by U.S. troops under Gen. Zachary. 

1861 U.S. President-elect Abraham Lincoln arrived secretly in
Washington to take his office after an assassination attempt in

1875 J. Palisa discovered asteroid #143 (aka Adria). 

1886 Charles M. Hall completed his invention of aluminum. 

1887 The French/Italian Riviera was hit by an earthquake that
killed about 2,000. 

1896 The Tootsie Roll was introduced by Leo Hirshfield. 

1898 In France, Emile Zola was imprisoned for his letter,
"J'accuse," which accused the government of anti-Semitism and
wrongly jailing Alfred Dreyfus. 

1900 The Battle of Hart's Hill took place in South Africa between
the Boers and the British army. 

1904 The U.S. acquired control of the Panama Canal Zone for $10

1915 Nevada began enforcing convenient divorce law. 

1919 The Fascist Party was formed in Italy by Benito Mussolini. 

1927 The Federal Radio Commission began assigning frequencies,
hours of operation and power allocations for radio broadcasters.
On July 1, 1934 the name was changed to the Federal
Communications Commission (FCC). 

1932 Robert Short became the first American to die in an arial
battle with the Japanese. (more info) 

1940 Russian troops conquered Lasi Island. 

1940 Walt Disney's animated movie "Pinocchio" was released. 

1945 The 28th Regiment of the Fifth Marine Division of the U.S.
Marines reached the top of Mount Surabachi. A photograph of these
Marines raising the American flag was taken. 

1954 The first mass vaccination of children against polio began
in Pittsburgh, PA. 

1958 Juan Fangio, 5-time world diving champion, was kidnapped by
Cuban rebels. 

1966 The Bitar government in Syria was ended with a military

1970 Guyana became a republic. 

1974 The Symbionese Liberation Army demanded $4 million more for
the release of Patty Hearst. Hearst had been kidnapped on
February 4th. 

1980 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini declared that Iran's new
parliament would have to decide the fate of the hostages taken on
November 4, 1979, at the U.S. embassy in Tehran. 

1991 During the Persian Gulf War, ground forces crossed the
border of Saudi Arabia into the country of Iraq. Less than four
days later the war was over due to the surrender or withdraw of
Iraqi forces. 

1993 Gary Coleman won a $1,280,000 lawsuit against his parents. 

1997 NBC-TV aired "Schindler's List." It was completely

1997 Ali Hassan Abu Kamal, a Palestinian teacher, opened fire on
the 86th-floor observation deck of New York City's Empire State
Building. He killed one person and wounded six more before
killing himself. 

1998 In central Florida, tornadoes killed 42 people and damaged
and/or destroyed about 2,600 homes and businesses. 

1999 In Ankara, Turkey, Abdullah Ocalan was charged with treason.
The prosecutors were seeking the death penalty for the Kurdish
rebel leader. 

1999 White supremacist John William King was found guilty of
kidnapping and murdering James Byrd Jr. Byrd was dragged behind a
truck for two miles on a country road in Texas. 

2000 Robby Knievel made a successful motorcycle jump of 200 feet
over an oncoming train. 

2005 The New York, NY, city medical examiner's office annouced
that it had exhausted all efforts to identify the remains of the
people killed at the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001,
due to the limits of DNA technology. About 1,600 people had been
identified leaving more than 1,100 unidentified.

2019  smiled.

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Speed of a computer 

Good Morning, !

Today is Thursday, February 21

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Mom wanted 15-year-old to sell marijuana at school

Today, February 21 in
1965 Malcolm X was assassinated in New York City at the age of 39
by assassins identified as Black Muslims. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 179. --- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Curious when I found two black-and-white negatives in a drawer, I had them made into prints. I was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of a younger, slimmer me, taken on one of my first dates with my husband. When I showed him the photos, his face lit up. "Wow, look at that!" he said with appreciation. "It's my old Plymouth!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >Mark A fussy eater, my nine-year old son asked me to please buy multigrain bread.Happy that he wanted to eat so healthily, I purchased a loaf. The next morning, while making his sandwich for school, I told him how happy I was that he liked multigrain bread. "I don't," he said. "But the kid who I trade sandwiches with does." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ann Marie Ratliff, 36, Nicholas Luke Bard, 27, Richmond, Wisconsin Mom wanted 15-year-old to sell marijuana at school A New Richmond mother accused of involving a minor in a plot to sell pot pleaded not guilty to all charges in St. Croix County Circuit Court Tuesday, according to court records, which included an additional felony possession of marijuana with intent to distribute charge. Ann Marie Ratliff, 36, of New Richmond, was charged along with Nicholas Luke Bard, 27, of Ellsworth, with felony using a child to manufacture, distribute or deliver drugs as party to a crime. The two allegedly attempted to involve teenagers known to Ratliff in the sale of marijuana after a mother discovered messages between Ratliff and her 14-year-old son concerning the price of a bag of weed, according to a criminal complaint. Bard was charged Jan. 24 in in Pierce County with felony possession of THC with intent to distribute and misdemeanor possession of drug paraphernalia, court records show. Ratliff is scheduled to make her next court appearance March 8. According to the complaint: After learning of the conversation between Ratliff and a 14-year- old friend of her son, River Falls police went to Ratliff’s home and found about 20 grams of marijuana and a gold metal pipe. Ratliff initially told police she didn’t know the drugs were there and said her son might have put them in her suitcase. Conversations found on Ratliff’s phone between her and Bard suggest they wanted minors to sell drugs for them.
>From Lana Re: Find the speed of a computer Dear DearWebby, I am considering buying a computer from an aquaintance. How can I quickly tell what speed and type it is? Lana Dear Lana Just hold down the Windows key and hit the Pause/Break key. It may take a second or two, but then Windows will show you all you need to know, even which version of Service Pack patch has been installed. Actual processor speed is not really relevant. If the machine is polluted with tons of speeder-uppers and similar utilities, it will perform much slower than a machine with an older and slower processor, but no goofy utilities. Open a word processor, see how fast it does that. Copy a big document, like the Windows EULA small print, paste it into a new document, and then do a Search/Replace. For example search for "the" and replace it with "tip". If you have done that with your old computer, then you know how many seconds that should take. Compare the time it takes on your friend's machine. THAT will give you a realistic idea of how fast the machine actually is during working conditions. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The father of a teenage daughter was concerned with the amount of time she spent on the telephone; not so much for the time she wasted (he had given up on that long ago), but because nobody else could use the phone. So, as a happy solution, he had a telephone installed for her with her own private number and directory listing. Two or three days after her telephone had been installed, he came home to find her stretched out on the floor with her feet on the living room couch and chatting away on the family telephone. Her own telephone was resting silently on her dresser. "Why are you using our telephone," he yelled. "Why aren't you talking on your own telephone?" "I can't," she said, "I'm expecting an important call on my phone."
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A convicted felon was given ten years without parole for his latest crime. After 2 years in jail, he managed to escape. His escape was the lead item on the six o'clock news. Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little traveled routes, running across deserted fields and taking every precaution he could think of. Eventually he arrived at his house and he rang the bell. His wife opened the door and bellowed at him, "You good-for- nothing bum! Where the hell have ya been? You escaped over 12 hours ago." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Removing Tar From Your Car Butter, creamy peanut butter, or vegetable oil applied to tar and left for 12 to 24 hours should soften to make it easier to remove. If that doesn't work, try WD-40, kerosene, or mineral spirits applied directly to the tar. This solution will mostly likely remove wax from your car as well. Removing Tar From Your Car Butter, creamy peanut butter, or vegetable oil applied to tar and left for 12 to 24 hours should soften to make it easier to remove. If that doesn't work, try WD-40, kerosene, or mineral spirits applied directly to the tar. This solution will mostly likely remove wax from your car as well. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
The amazing things this man makes out of old utensils and bits and pieces of other metals. I love the birds!
___________________________________________________ While Waiting For My Blind Date. Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said. "I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't you play with Rollo while you're waiting?" He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through." The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling over. Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through -- and over the balcony railing. Just then Paul's date walked out. "Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen ? "To tell the truth," he replied, "he seemed a little depressed to me." ___________________________________________________ A well worn dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty arrived at the bureau of Engraving and Printing to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to the shredder they struck up a conversation. The twenty reminisced about its travels all over the country. "I've had a pretty good life", the twenty proclaimed. "Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise from Miami." "Wow!", said the single, "you really have gotten around." "So tell me", says the twenty, "where have you been throughout your lifetime?" "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, the Presbyterian Church, the Lutheran Church, the Catholic Church, the Orthodox Church, Assembly of God Church, the Brethren Church, the United Church of Christ...." And the twenty says, "What's a church?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
At the trial, the steam locomotive engineer insisted that he had given the car driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he'd done it. The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed. "Congratulations," the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over. "You did superbly under cross-examination." "Thanks," he said, "but the plaintiff's lawyer sure had me worried." "How's that?" the lawyer asked. "I was afraid he was going to ask if the lantern was lit!" ___________________________________________________

Today February 21 in
1804 The first self-propelled locomotive on rails was
demonstrated in Wales. 

1842 John J. Greenough patented the sewing machine. 

1848 The Communist Manifesto was published by Karl Marx and
Friedrich Engels. 

1858 The first electric burglar alarm was installed in Boston,

1866 Lucy B. Hobbs became the first woman to graduate from a
dental school. The school was the Ohio College of Dental Surgery
in Cincinnati. 

1878 The first telephone directories issued in the U.S. were
distributed to residents in New Haven, CT. It was a single page
of only fifty names. 

1904 The National Ski Association was formed in Ishpeming, MI. 

1916 During World War I, the Battle of Verdun began in France.
The battle ended on December 18, 1916 with a French victory over

1932 William N. Goodwin patented the camera exposure meter. 

1947 Edwin Land demonstrated the Polaroid Land Camera to the
Optical Society of America in New York City. It was the first
camera to take, develop and print a picture on photo paper all in
about 60 seconds. The photos were black and white. The camera
went on sale the following year. 

1950 The first International Pancake Race was held in Liberal,

1965 Malcolm X was assassinated in New York City at the age of 39
by assassins identified as Black Muslims. 

1968 An agreement between baseball players and club owners
increased the minimum salary for major league players to $10,000
a year. 

1973 Israeli fighter planes shot down a Libyan Airlines jet over
the Sinai Desert. More than 100 people were killed. 

1975 Former U.S. Attorney General John N. Mitchell and former
White House aides H.R. Haldeman and John D. Ehrlichman were
sentenced to 2 1/2 to 8 years in prison for their roles in the
Watergate cover-up. 

1988 In Baton Rouge, LA, TV evangelist Jimmy Swaggart confessed
to his congregation that he was guilty of an unspecified sin. He
announced that he was leaving the pulpit temporarily. Swaggart
had been linked to an admitted prostitute. 

1989 U.S. President George H.W. Bush called Ayatollah Khomeini's
death warrant against "Satanic Verses" author Salman Rushdie
"deeply offensive to the norms of civilized behavior." 

1995 Chicago stockbroker Steve Fossett became the first person to
fly solo across the Pacific Ocean in a balloon. He landed in
Leader, Saskatchewan, Canada. 

1999 India's Prime Minister Atal Bihair Vajpayee concluded two
days of meeting with Pakistan's Prime Minister Mohammad Nowaz

2000 David Letterman returned to his Late Night show about five
weeks after having an emergency quintuple heart bypass operation.

2003 David Hasselhoff and his wife Pamela were injured in a
motorcycle accident. The accident was caused by a strong gust of
wind. Hasselhoff fractured his lower back and broke several ribs.
His wife fractured her left ankle and right wrist. 

2019  smiled.

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Change from XP to which OS? 

Good Morning, !

Today is Wednesday, February 20

Dear Bonita!
Thank you very much for your help!!

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Woman Sentenced To Prison For Shooting 
At Husband After He Gave Her Divorce Papers

Today, February 20 in
1962 John Glenn made space history when he orbited the world
three times in 4 hours, 55 minutes. He was the first American to
orbit the Earth. He was aboard the Friendship 7 Mercury capsule.
Glenn witnessed the Devil's Cigarette Lighter while in flight.  
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers. --- Scott Adams (1957 - ) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lynn for this one: I have the most marvelous recipe for meat loaf! All I have to do is mention it to my husband and he says, "Let's eat out!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A large, well-established Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good lumberjack. The next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe and knocked on the head lumberjack's door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the skinny man. "Okay, see that giant cedar over there?" said the lumberjack. "Take your axe and go cut it down." The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack's door. "I cut the tree down," said the man. The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and said, "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?" "In the Sahara Forest," replied the puny man. "You mean the Sahara Desert ?" asked the lumberjack. The little man laughed and answered back, "Yes, I suppose, that's what they call it now!" ______________________________________________________ Actually, it is easier in the mountains. The rocks are already there. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Wendy Maureen Dennis, 42, Molino, Florida Woman Sentenced To Prison For Shooting At Husband After He Gave Her Divorce Papers A Molino woman has been sentenced to prison for shooting at her husband several times after he came home with divorce papers. Wendy Maureen Dennis, 42, was convicted by an Escambia County jury of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and discharging a firearm. She was sentenced by Judge Jennie Kensey to 24 months in state prison to be followed by three years probation. In April 2018, her husband called 911 and stated that his wife had shot a gun at him multiple times before leaving their residence on North Highway 95A and heading toward Molino Road. Responding Escambia County Sheriff’s Office deputies conducted a felony traffic stop on her vehicle and recovered a .22 caliber rifle that was in plain view on the backseat of the vehicle, according to an arrest report. She was taken into custody without incident. The husband told deputies that he brought home divorce paperwork to his wife of eight years, and everything was fine as they started to leave their residence to go to the tax collector’s office to have the papers notarized. According to the husband’s statement to deputies, she then walked to her car, retrieved the rifle, yelled at him and fired several shots in his direction. He was not injured. The couple’s divorce was finalized in August 2018, according to court records.
From: Gwen Re: XP to what? Dear DearWebby, Good Morning, here I am again with another question. Asking you because I do know that you will give me the right answer instead of calling a computer shop. I have a 19 year old DELL computer that I'm still running Windows XP on. As you can imagine a lot of things don't run correctly on it, i.e. Chrome from whom I got a message yesterday.  So, it looks like I need to install a new Operating System:  My question is what, and how? I'm not a novice at this computer thing but not a tech either, I'm somewhere in between and can usually figure things out but this one, I'm not sure how to go forward. So, hoping that the fella who knows so much will help. Love the jokes they give me a laugh every morning and some morning they are surely needed. God bless, keep up the good work, and hoping to hear from you soon. Gwen Dear Gwen Dell apparently still sells computers with W7 PRO. (Not W7 Home) Due to demand, they charge more for W7 PRO than for a regular W10, and you will have to do some arguing in order to get W7 PRO. W10 is what they sell by default. You can get ClassicShell to make W10 look and behave like W7 or even XP It is free at http://www.classicshell.net/downloads/ Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A spiritualist who'd recently been widowed met a colleague and reported excitedly that she'd just received a message from her dead husband - asking her to send him a pack of cigarettes. "The only thing is," she mused, "that I don't know where to send them." "Why not?" asked her friend. "Well, he didn't actually say that he was in Heaven - but I can't imagine he'd be in Hell." "Hm," responded the friend. "Well, maybe I shouldn't bring this up, but. . . did he mention anything about including matches in the package?"
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A drunk stumbles across a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk, figuring that there might be some free celebrating included with the proceedings, looks back and says, "Yesch, Preacher..I shure am!" The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked. "Nooo, I haven't!" said the drunk. The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?" "Noooo, I haven't, Rev!" The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?" The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher... "Are you sure this is where he fell in?" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Sturdy Crayons When you get new crayons, wrap them with some masking tape, Leave the name uncovered, if you like. They will be less likely to break but still can be sharpened. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Shadow dance group tells an emotional epic story.
___________________________________________________ At the candy store Judi had about 20 bags of candy. A smart-alek behind her in line told her: "You should push the air out of them. The candies might cost less if they don't have the weight of the air in them." So for a few minutes she let the air out of the bags. After she did that he told her it didn't really matter. It would have weighed the same. Judi was more confused than ever and said, "If having air in the bag doesn't weigh any more, then why does it make the bags look so fat?" ___________________________________________________ "I never would have married you if I knew how stupid you were!" shouted the woman to her husband! The husband replied, "You should've known how stupid I am, the minute I asked you to marry me!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids." ___________________________________________________

Today February 20 in
1673 The first recorded wine auction took place in London. 

1809 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled the power of the federal
government was greater than that of any individual state. 

1815 The USS Constitution, under Captain Charles Stewart fought
the British ships Cyane and Levant. The Constitution captures
both, but lost the Levant after encountering a British squadron.
The Constitution and the Cyane returned to New York safely on May
15, 1815. The Cyane was purchased and became the USS Cyane. 

1839 The U.S. Congress prohibited dueling in the District of

1872 Luther Crowell received a patent for a machine that
manufactured paper bags. 

1872 Silas Noble and J.P. Cooley patented the toothpick
manufacturing machine. 

1921 The motion picture "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" was
released starring Rudolph Valentino. 

1931 The U.S. Congress allowed California to build the Oakland
Bay Bridge. 

1933 The U.S. House of Representatives completed congressional
action on the amendment to repeal Prohibition. 

1944 "Big Week" began as U.S. bombers began raiding German
aircraft manufacturing centers during World War II. 

1962 John Glenn made space history when he orbited the world
three times in 4 hours, 55 minutes. He was the first American to
orbit the Earth. He was aboard the Friendship 7 Mercury capsule.
Glenn witnessed the Devil's Cigarette Lighter while in flight. 

1965 Ranger 8 crashed on the moon after sending back thousands of
pictures of its surface. 

1987 A bomb exploded in a computer store in Salt Lake City, UT.
The blast was blamed on the Unabomber. 

1993 Two ten-year-old boys were charged by police in Liverpool,
England, in the abduction and death of a toddler. The two boys
were later convicted. 

2001 FBI Agent Robert Phillip Hanssen was arrested and charged
with spying for the Russians for 15 years. 

2002 In Reqa Al-Gharbiya, Egypt, a fire raced through a train
killing at least 370 people and injuring at least 65. 

2003 In West Warwick, RI, 100 people were killed and more than
230 were injured when fire destroyed the nightclub The Station.
The fire started with sparks from a pyrotechnic display being
used by Jack Russel's Great White. Ty Longley, guitarist for the
band, was one of the victims in the fire. 

2008 The U.S. Navy destroyed an inoperable spy satellite with a
missile from the USS Lake Erie. 

2019  smiled.

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Cookies and Passwords 


Good Morning, !

Today is Tuesday, February 19

Dear Bonita!
Thank you very much for your help!!

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Drunk driver tries to dance his way 
out of an arrest

Today, February 19 in
1945 During World War II, about 30,000 U.S. Marines landed on Iwo
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Literature is an occupation in which you have to keep proving your talent to people who have none. --- Jules Renard (1864 - 1910) Either the United States will destroy ignorance or ignorance will destroy the United States. --- W.E.B. Du Bois, Speech at Harpers Ferry, Virginia, August 1906 ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age. The group surrounded a dog. Concerned the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked, "What are you doing with that dog?" One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog." The reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a 10- minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie?" and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie." There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, the Rev wins the dog." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ An old lady is walking around in a supermarket calling out, "Crisco, Crisssssssco!" Soon a store! clerk approaches and says, "Lady, the Crisco is in aisle D." The old lady replies, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff. I'm calling my husband." The clerk is astonished. "Your husband's name is Crisco?" The old lady answers, "Oh no, no, no. I only call him that when we're out in public." "I see," said the clerk. "What do you call him at home?" "Lard Ass." ______________________________________________________ "God's Hands Bridge" in Vietnam. When we think of Vietnam we usually think of Vietcong and Communists. Seeing the "God's Hands Bridge" is very surprising. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christopher Larson, 33, Holiday, Florida Drunk driver tries to dance his way out of an arrest Christopher Larson, 33, was confronted by a police deputy in Holiday, Florida who found him sleeping behind the wheel of his running truck with his foot on the brake. Larson appears to bust out some fancy dance moves to evade arrest – but needless to say, the deputy was not impressed. According to police, Larson was found to have had a .28 blood alcohol content (BAC), which is triple the legal limit in Florida, which is .08. When the officer found Larson asleep behind the wheel, he knocked on the window and shouted for some time before he finally woke up, according to Fox 13. At that time, Larson seemed disorientated and waved to the police officer, the arrest report says. When Larson got out of his truck, he did not realize that it was still running and it began to roll forward. The officer was able to jump in just in time to stop it from hitting a gate it was idling in front of. The deputy administered a field sobriety test and asked Larson to complete some simple tasks to demonstrate his motor control – but instead Larson busted a couple moves. ‘This gentleman started to not take it seriously. He started dancing and while some citizens may find that funny, we don’t at the sheriff’s office. When asked to walk a straight line, Larson begins side-stepping and bouncing in the manner of a man who is unaware he is about to be taken to jail. The deputy asks Larson if he is ‘complete with the exercise,’ but he just mumbles and continues his shuffle. He was eventually arrested and told the deputy that he thought he was in Clearwater, Florida – not Holiday. Larson later spoke with Fox 13 and said he would not call what he did in the video dancing and would not comment on the arrest.
From: Charles Re: Cookies and Passwords Dear DearWebby, Every time I delete the cookies, all my passwords are gone. Is there a way around that ? Charles Dear Charles That is a safety feature that allows you to clean the passwords from the auto-complete if you have to go away from your machine or go on holidays. Just get yourself a little prayer book and write your passwords into that. Burglars or anybody trying to break into your machine are unlikely to even look at your little prayer book. For really high security leave off the last two letters from every password. By having the first part, you will easily enough remember the last two letters. I used to use RoboForm for many years. Then they stole all my passwords, and got promptly nuked off all of my machines. Since then I use DashLane Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few days of captivity, they can train humans to stand at the edge of the pool and throw them fish?
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I can't come in to work today because-- "My son dropped the car keys in the toilet and I sent him in after them. Now I'm waiting for the plumber." "I have to buy some new skis. I left my old ones in a tree." "My computer is down. I'm trying to cheer it up." "I have a sick kid. The adult goats, however, seem to be doing fine." "I'm having car trouble. The trouble is I no longer own a car." "I won a sauerkraut and sausage eating contest yesterday. You don't want me there today. Trust me." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Theatre Rewards Cards Love to go to the movies? Sign up for a theater rewards card, if one is offered. Over time, you accrue points for every ticket you purchase. When you get enough points you get a free drink, popcorn, or a free ticket. You may also be on a mailing list for coupons and other special offers. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
The Shirk Report
___________________________________________________ "Doctor, Doctor, my child just swallowed a pen. What should I do?" "Use a pencil, Next." "Doctor, Doctor My little boy has just swallowed a roll of film!" "Hmmmm. Let's hope nothing develops. Next." "Doctor, doctor, my little boy's swallowed a bullet. What shall I do?" "Well, for a start, don't point him at me. Next." "Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a deck of cards." "I'll deal with you later. Next!" "Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains" " Well pull yourself together then. Next." "Doctor, doctor, people tell me I'm a wheelbarrow." "Don't let people push you around. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, some days I feel like a tee-pee and other days I feel like a wig-wam." "You're too tense. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, I just wanted to let you know that there is an invisible man in your waiting room" "Tell him I can't see him now. Next." "Doctor, am I going to die?" "That's the last thing you're going to do Next." "Doctor, Doctor, I can't get to sleep." "Sit on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up another point?" "Sell! Next." "Doctor, Doctor, what should I take when I get run down?" "The license number. Next." "Doctor, doctor, I think I'm shrinking." "Well, you'll just have to be a little patient. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, you've got to help me. I think I'm a kleptomaniac. " "Don't worry. I think there's something you can take for that. Next." "Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a spoon." "Sit there and don't stir. Next." "Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a billiard ball." "Get back in the queue. Next." "Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog." "Lie down on the couch and I'll examine you." "I can't. I'm not allowed on the furniture." "Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a bridge." "What's come over you?" "Two cars, a truck and a coach." "Doctor, Doctor, should I file my nails?" "No. Throw them away like everybody else. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, what would you take for this cold?" "Make me an offer. Next." "Doctor! Doctor! Everywhere I touch myself it hurts.See? Ouch! Ouch!" "Your finger is broken. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, I think I've developed a split personality. " "Okay, go chase yourself. Next" "Doctor, Doctor, nobody ever listens to me." "Next" "Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking there's two of me." "One at a time, please. Next!" "Doctor, Doctor, how long will I live?" "You should live to be eighty." "I am eighty." "What did I tell you? Next." "Doctor, Doctor, can you give me something for my head?" "No thanks, I've already got one. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, what should I do? I can't sleep at night." "Sleep during the day. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, this ointment you gave me makes my arm smart." . "Then rub some on your head? Next." "Doctor, Doctor, how can I avoid falling hair?" "Step to one side. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, my hair is coming out. What can you give me to keep it in?" "A cigar box. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, there's something wrong with my stomach." "Keep your coat buttoned and nobody will notice it. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, there's a man outside with a wooden leg named Smith." "What's the name of his other leg? Next." Doc, don't you think I should get a second opinion?" "Sure. Come back tomorrow. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, I'm feeling a bit schizophrenic. " "That makes four of us. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, I think I've got a bad liver." "Well, take it back to the butcher. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, I get this terrible pain in my back every time I bend over." "Then don't bend over, Next." "Doctor! Doctor! I keep forgetting things!" "When did this start happening?" "When did what start happening?" "Doctor, Doctor, you're charging me ten dollars and all you did was paint my throat." 'What did you expect for ten dollars - wallpaper? Next" "Doctor, Doctor, you've gotta do something for me. I snore so loudly that I wake myself up." "In that case, sleep in another room. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, is it a boy?" "Well, the one in the middle is. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, every bone in my body hurts." "Be glad you're not a herring. Next." "Doctor, doctor, my wooden leg is giving me a lot of pain." "Why's that?" "My wife keeps hitting me over the head with it." "Doc, what's the difference between an itch and an allergy?" "About twenty-five dollars. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, nobody can figure out what's wrong with me. I've got the oddest collection of symptoms." "Have you had it before?" "Yes." "Well, you've got it again. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, what's your best suggestion for this terrible bad breath of mine?" "Lockjaw. Next." ___________________________________________________ The new preacher, at this first service, had a pitcher of water and a glass on the pulpit. As he preached,he drank until the pitcher of water was completely gone. After the service, someone asked an old woman of the church, "How did you like the new pastor?" "Fine," she said, "but he's first windmill I ever saw that was powered by water." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front?" After a moment's reflection, Johnny smiled and said, "Canoe?" ___________________________________________________

Today February 19 in
1846 The formal transfer of government between Texas and the
United States took place. Texas had officially become a state on
December 29, 1845. 

1856 The tintype camera was patented by Professor Hamilton L.

1878 Thomas Alva Edison patented a music player (the phonograph).

1881 Kansas became the first state to prohibit all alcoholic

1942 U.S. President Roosevelt signed an executive order giving
the military the authority to relocate and intern Japanese-

1942 Approximately 150 Japanese warplanes attacked the Australian
city of Darwin. 

1945 During World War II, about 30,000 U.S. Marines landed on Iwo

1959 Cyprus was granted its independence with the signing of an
agreement with Britain, Turkey and Greece. 

1963 The Soviet Union informed U.S. President Kennedy it would
withdraw "several thousand" of its troops from Cuba. 

1981 The U.S. State Department called El Savador a "textbook
case" of a Communist plot. 

1981 Ford Motor Company announced its loss of $1.5 billion. 

1985 Mickey Mouse was welcomed to China as part of the 30th
anniversary of Disneyland. The touring mouse played 30 cities in
30 days. 

1985 William Schroeder became the first artificial-heart patient
to leave the confines of the hospital. 

1985 Cherry Coke was introduced by the Coca-Cola Company. 

1986 The U.S. Senate approved a treaty outlawing genocide. The
pact had been submitted 37 years earlier for ratification. 

1986 The Soviet Union launched the Mir space station. 

1987 A controversial, anti-smoking publice service announcement
aired for the first time on television. Yul Brynner filmed the ad
shortly before dying of lung cancer. Brynner made it clear in the
ad that he would have died from cigarette smoking before ad

1997 Deng Xiaoping of China died at the age of 92. He was the
last of China's major revolutionaries. 

2002 NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft began using its thermal
emission imaging system to map Mars. 

2004 Former Enron Corp. chief executive Jeffrey Skilling was
charged with fraud, insider trading and other crimes in
connection with the energy trader's collapse. Skilling was later
convicted and sentenced to more than 24 years in prison. 

2005 The USS Jimmy Carter was commissioned at Groton, CT. It was
the last of the Seawolf class of attack submarines. 

2008 Fidel Castro resigned the Cuban presidency. His brother Raul
was later named as his successor.

2019  smiled.

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Fake virus alert 

Good Morning, !

Today is Friday, February 15
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Today I have to go to Calgary for injections into my eyeballs.
That means there won't be a Humor Letter on Saturday, Sunday or
Monday. You get a vacation!

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Florida man hits random girl in face, 
fights girl's friends, deputies say

Today, February 15 in
2002 U.S. President George W. Bush approved Nevada's Yucca
Mountain as a site for long-term disposal of radioactive nuclear
waste. After it was half completed, the Democrats stopped the
project for political reasons.
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
They certainly give very strange names to diseases. --- Plato (427 BC - 347 BC) Most men are within a finger's breadth of being mad. --- Diogenes the Cynic Reality is something women rise above. --- Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. "Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when, many thousands of years ago, a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep." From the cabin, a passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the highway!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ My friend Tim took Mary out for a romantic dinner where conversation turned toward marriage. Tim had been saving for an engagement ring - but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a computer. Mary was understanding, telling Tim they had the rest of their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a computer instead. During dessert, Tim suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring. Mary was stunned. But after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted, "Well, don't you have something to ask me?" Tim then got down on bended knee. "Honey," he said, "will you buy me a computer?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dylan Kenneth Dodson, 24, St. Johns County Florida Florida man hits random girl in face, fights girl's friends, deputies say Dylan Kenneth Dodson, 24, of St. Johns County was arrested Friday night after he allegedly hit a girl in her face, according to a St. Johns County Sheriff's Office arrest report. Deputies said the girl, a juvenile, did not know Dodson and said he appeared to be impaired by some kind of drug. She told deputies, Dodson walked up to her while she was with a group of friends and hit her in the nose. According to an arrest report, the girl's boyfriend pushed Dodson, defending the girl, prior to a fight that broke out between Dodson and her friends. When deputies arrived to the scene, the report states, Dodson was belligerent. He was immediately put in handcuffs and placed in the patrol car where he reportedly began kicking the door, causing minor damage to the car. Dodson was then placed in leg restraints. While on the way to the St. Johns County Jail, he yelled, "Your a b****" and "I'm going to f*** you up," to the deputy, the report stated. Dodson faces a felony charge for cruelty toward a child and a misdeanor for resisting an officer.
From: Lillie Re: Virus alert hoax Dear DearWebby, Thanks for terrific daily mail. You are the All Knowing of computer business. You'd know if there's any validity to the "Virus Alert" mentioned here. Hopefully it's a hoax. Thanks, Lillie Please read: Big Virus coming Hi All, I checked with Norton Anti-Virus, and they are gearing up for this virus! I checked Snopes (Please read: Big Virus coming Blah, Blah, Blah Dear Lillie Just old moron-bait. CNN, Microsoft, Burger King, Taco Bell, etc. don't announce or classify viruses. Norton and McAfee don't use AOLers to tell people about viruses via nuisance forwards. They have automatic updates for those who paid for a subscription, and they really don't give a hoot about those who did not pay. Just dump that and ignore it. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few days of captivity, they can train humans to stand at the edge of the pool and throw them fish?
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!" The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!" The first kid says, "What if they try to escape?" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Buying Firewood It's always best to shop for firewood before you need it. Sometimes you can find great deals in the spring and summer. Look for classified ads, bulletin boards and neighborhood signs. Firewood is generally sold in cords, face cords, ricks or truckloads. In some areas they log in summer and when it is too cold for that, they sell and deliver. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Your daily dose of internet.
___________________________________________________ Medical Advice (A) The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. (B) On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. (C) The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. (D) The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than British or Americans. (E) Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you. ___________________________________________________ "Doctor!" whined the patient. "I keep seeing spots before my eyes." The physician scratched his head, "Why have you come to me? Have you seen an opthalmologist?" "No," replied the patient, "just spots." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
During an arctic training exercise in Alaska intense cold played havoc with vehicles and equipment. One harassed battery commander was trying to cope with vehicles that wouldn't run and machinery that wouldn't work. He was wondering what else could go wrong when the door flew open and a soldier rushed in and announced, "Hey, captain, the northern lights are out! Exasperated and without looking, the captain barked, "Well, don't tell me! Go get the generator mechanic and have him fix the darnn things!" ___________________________________________________

Today February 15 in
1758 Mustard was advertised for the first time in America. 

1799 Printed ballots were authorized for use in elections in the
state of Pennsylvania. 

1898 The USS Maine sank when it exploded in Havana Harbor for
unknown reasons. More than 260 crew members were killed. 

1900 The British threaten to use natives in their war with the

1903 Morris and Rose Michtom, Russian immigrants, introduced the
first teddy bear in America. 

1933 U.S. President-elect Franklin Roosevelt escaped an
assination attempt in Miami. Chicago Mayor Anton J. Cermak was
killed in the attack. 

1942 During World War II, Singapore surrendered to the Japanese. 

1961 A Boeing 707 crashed in Belgium killing 73 people. 

1965 Canada displayed its new red and white maple leaf flag. The
flag was to replace the old English style Red Ensign standard. 

1982 During a storm, the Ocean Ranger, a drilling rig, sank off
the coast of Newfoundland. 84 men were killed. 

1985 The Center for Disease Control reported that more than half
of all nine-year-olds in the U.S. showed no sign of tooth decay. 

1989 After nine years of intervention, the Soviet Union announced
that the remainder of its troops had left Afghanistan. The CIA
funded, armed and trained Taliban had given them too much of a
hard time. 

1991 The leaders of Czechoslovakia, Hungary and Poland signed the
Visegard agreement, in which they pledged to cooperate in
transforming thier countries to free-market economies. 

1995 The FBI arrested Kevin Mitnick and charged him with cracking
security in some of the nation's most protected computers. He
served five years in jail. 

2002 U.S. President George W. Bush approved Nevada's Yucca
Mountain as a site for long-term disposal of radioactive nuclear
waste. After it was half completed, the Democrats stopped the
project for political reasons.

2019  smiled.

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Happy Valentines Day! 

Good Morning, !

Happy Valentines Day!

Today is Thursday, February 14

Today's Bonehead Award: 
New Jersey burglar gives cops the 
garden state salute on the way to jail

Today, February 14 in
1929 The "St. Valentine's Day Massacre" took place in Chicago,
 IL. Seven gangsters who were rivals of Al Capone were killed.
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Love has no place in a lawyer's office. --- Elizabeth Aston, Space isn't remote at all. It's only an hour's drive away... if your car could go straight upwards. ---Sir Fred Hoyle Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? --- Jay Leno (1950 - ) The average person thinks he isn't. --- Father Larry Lorenzoni One fool can ask more questions in a minute than twelve wise men can answer in an hour. --- Nikolai Lenin ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ There was a Russian, a German and a Swiss at an industrial trade fair and having a beer after answering silly questions all day. The Russian said that their rubber soles are so good that a guy, who fell off a roof of a house, did not even break a leg. The German replied he knew of a case where a man wearing his comany's boots jumped off a burning 5-story building and lived to tell the tale. The Swiss had to counter that. He told of a suicider, who had jumped off a 10 story building and kept bouncing back up. After three days they had to shoot him down, so that they could sweep the sidewalk. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon." Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then said to her, "Uh-oh ... I know what *you've* been doing." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Linda for this picture: _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shana Hilsman, 32, Old Bridge, New Jersey New Jersey burglar gives cops the garden state salute on the way to jail The 32-year-old New Jerseyan has been charged with breaking into multiple vehicles in Spotswood, a borough several miles from her Garden State residence. As seen in the above mug shot, Hilsman was not happy to pose for police earlier this month. When collared, Hilsman was carrying “numerous burglary tools,” cops say. She was charged with burglary, criminal trespass, and possession of burglary tools, and booked into the Middlesex County Adult Corrections Center. According to court records, Hilsman was convicted last year of burglary and sentenced to three years of probation.
From: Moe Re: Opera Dear DearWebby, Dear Webby, I dumped Chrome last year.... and got Opera. Not have issues so far. And has a nice side bar for History, Downloads, etc. Plus can set options galore. So can uses while I am in Firefox but want check on something else. moe ps,,, and it a good idea to go look at Crap Cleaner Startup to see what shit Google starts up at boot. Disable or Delete the junk. Dear Moe Excellent Advice! Thank you, Moe! Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A friend of mine was visiting a college, which had those security call boxes every few hundred feet. If you were wandering around the campus at night and felt uneasy about somebody following you, for instance, you could hit the button and have a security officer come investigate im- mediately. One of these phones had a sign that said, "Out of Order." Underneath it someone had scrawled, "Keep Running!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Waiting for our aerobics class to begin, several of us were standing around in our leotards chatting about fitness and diets. One woman said that her brother-in-law had quit smoking, gone on a diet and lost weight all at the same time. Thinking to myself that no human being could possibly do this without acquiring at least one other undesirable habit for compensation, I jokingly asked her, "What did he start doing instead of these things?" After a slight pause, she smiled and said, "Well, my sister is pregnant now." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Pet ID Tags Make sure all of your pets have an ID tag with your current contact information on it, just in case. Update the microchip information too. The chances of getting a lost pet back are much greater with a current tage. You get can get inexpensive pet tags made at all pet store chains. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
House hunting like a Russian millionaire is seriously entertaining stuff.
___________________________________________________ The young lady asked her betrothed, "What did my father say when you asked permission to marry me?" "Not a lot, really." replied the man. "He threw his arms around me, started sobbing, and kept saying, 'Oh, thank you. Thank you'..." ___________________________________________________ Morris and Manuel were partners in a very successful garment manufacturing company in N.Y.C. They Both were having a 'fling' with Beckie....a young attractive model who worked for their firm. One rainy day Beckie announced to her two lovers,"I'm pregnant!" Since both partners were married men they decided that Manuel would take Beckie to Mexico where she could have the baby in without a scandal. Manuel took off for Mexico with Beckie while Morris ran the business and worried. Several months later an Email arrived for Morris from Manuel. It read..." Dear Partner: Beckie had Twins. Mine died at birth. What shall I do with yours ? ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
GROAN ALERT A local homemade bread company was investigated by the Department of Health because the owner would not provide the recipe for his bread. When asked by the local reporters why the recipe was a secret, he replied, "Because its classified, and on a kneed the dough basis only." ___________________________________________________

Today February 14 in
1778 The Stars and Stripes was carried to a foreign port, in
France, for the first time. It was aboard the American ship

1803 Moses Coates received a patent for the apple parer. 

1849 The first photograph of a U.S. President, while in office,
was taken by Matthew Brady in New York City. President James Polk
was the subject of the picture. 

1876 Alexander Graham Bell filed an application for a patent for
the telephone. It was officially issued on March 7, 1876. 

1889 In Los Angeles, CA, oranges began their first trip to the

1895 Oscar Wilde's final play, "The Importance of Being Earnest,"
opened at the St. James' Theatre in London. 

1899 The U.S. Congress approved voting machines for use in
federal elections. 

1900 Russia imposed tighter imperial control over Finland in
response to an international petition for Finland's freedom. 

1900 In South Africa, British Gen. Roberts invaded Orange Free
State with 20,000 troops. 

1912 The first diesel engine submarine was commissioned in
Groton, CT. 

1929 The "St. Valentine's Day Massacre" took place in Chicago,
IL. Seven gangsters who were rivals of Al Capone were killed. 

1940 The first porpoise born in captivity arrived at Marineland
in Florida. 

1945 Peru, Paraguay, Chile and Ecuador joined the United Nations.

1946 ENIAC (Electronic Numerical Integrator and Computer) was
unveiled. The device, built at the University of Pennsylvania,
was the world's first general purpose electronic computer. 

1961 Lawrencium, element 103, was first produced in Berkely, CA. 

1966 Wilt Chamberlain of the Philadelphia 76ers set a National 

1979 Adolph Dubs, the U.S. ambassador to Afghanistan, was
kidnapped in Kabul by Muslim extremists. He was killed in a
shootout between his abductors and police. 

1985 Cable News Network (CNN) reporter Jeremy Levin was freed. He
had been held in Lebanon by extremists. 

1989 Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini called on Muslims to kill Salman
Rushdie because of his novel "The Satanic Verses." 

1989 The first satellite of the Global Positioning System was
placed into orbit around Earth. 

1989 Union Carbide agreed to pay $470 million to the government
of India. The court-ordered settlement was a result of the 1984
Bhopal gas leak disaster. 

1997 Astronauts on the space shuttle Discovery began a series of
spacewalks that were required to overhaul the Hubble Space

1998 U.S. authorities officially announced that Eric Rudolph was
a suspect in a bombing of an abortion clinic in Alabama. 

2002 Sylvester Stallone filed a lawsuit against Kenneth Starr.
The suit alleged that Starr had given bad advice about selling
Planet Hollywood stock. 

2003 In Madrid, Spain, a ceramic plate with a bullfighting motif
painted by Pablo Picasso in 1949 was stolen from an art show. The
plate was on sale for $12,400. 

2005 The video-sharing website YouTube was activated. 

2019  smiled.

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Play Powerpoint 

Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, February 13

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Woman Killed Husband to Marry 
Man Serving Life

Today, February 13 in
1880 Thomas Edison observed what became known as the Edison
Effect for the first time. In a vacuum electrons flow from a hot
element to a cold one. That eventually led to the vacuum tube,
TVs and tube type monitors.
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home. --- Ken Olsen (1926 - ), President, Digital Equipment, 1977 ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. "Here is the situation," she said.¶ "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing.¶ He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.¶ His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank.¶ Why do you think she ran to the bank?" A girl raised her hand and asked, "To draw out all his savings?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The patrol officer stopped a motorist for a traffic violation. Standing outside his expensive foreign car, the red-faced driver frantically waved his hands and jumped up and down. "I'll have your job for this!" He shouted at the top of his lungs. "Sir, you wouldn't want my job," replied the unruffled officer as he wrote out the citation. "The hours are long, the pay is low, and you got to put up with the biggest idjits in town." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Amy Murray, 4'11", 40, Jefferson City, Missouri Woman Killed Husband to Marry Man Serving Life A Missouri prison nurse who had an affair with a lifer may now face a life sentence of her own. Amy Murray, 40, has been charged with first-degree murder in the Dec. 11 death of husband Joshua Murray, Fox reports. His body was found after a fire at the couple's home. Investigators determined that the fire was deliberately set and Joshua Murray was already dead, poisoned with antifreeze, when it broke out. Police say Murray killed her husband because she wanted to marry Eugene Claypool, an inmate at Murray's workplace, the Jefferson City Correctional Center. Investigators say that according to recordings of prison phone conversations, Murray, who has an 11-year-old son, told Claypool that she wanted to divorce her husband and later told the inmate she could marry him because her husband was dead and "out of the picture," the News Tribune reports. Murray and Claypool who has been behind bars since 2001 for the murder of a 72-year-old lottery winner also discussed hiring an attorney to secure his early release. Her bail was set at $750,000 after she was charged Friday, KRCG reports.
From: Janice Re: PowerPoint Slide Show Dear DearWebby, You told us to dl power point viewer if we could not see pps's. Well I did, but it does not play a video, but shows me the pictures in slides one by one off to the left side. Is there a way to make it view like it is intended? Thanks, janice dear Janice hit f5 for auto-play have fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continued playing standing up. Finkelstein looks around and asks, "So, who is going to tell his wife?" They draw straws. Goldberg picks the short one. They tell him to use good judgment, be discreet, and be gentle.. Don't make a bad situation any worse. "Discreet? I'll be the most discreet person you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Just leave it to me." Goldberg goes over to the Meyerwitz apartment, and knocks on the door. The wife answers and asks what he wants. Goldberg declares, "Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home." "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!" she yells. "I'll go tell him," says Goldberg.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A lady answered her front door to find a plumber standing there. "I'm here to fix the leaky pipe," he announced. "I didn't call a plumber," said the lady. "What?" huffed the plumber. "Aren't you Mrs. Frobisher?" The Frobishers moved out of this house over a year ago," explained the lady. "How do you like that," grunted the plumber. "They call you up and tell you it's an emergency and then they move away!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com The Fine Print with Your Statement When banks make a change to your account or fee schedule, they usually include a small pamphlet with your bank and credit card statements, usually on thin paper in extremely small print. Make sure you read it, even if you need to get a magnifying glass. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Bad lip reading of the 2018-2019 NFL season. These are hilarious!
___________________________________________________ A pediatrician in town always plays a game with some of his young patients to put them at ease and test their knowledge of body parts. One day, while pointing to a little boy's ear, the doctor asked him, "Is this your nose?" Immediately the little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mom, I think we'd better find a new doctor!" ___________________________________________________ >From Ella We are fortunate our grand-children live close by and visit us often. When our seven-year-old granddaughter, Morgan, comes over, she loves to watch her grandmother when she is baking. "Oma," she asked one day, "where did you learn how to cook?" She told her that she learned from her mother and passed on this knowledge to her daughter. Someday, she continued, her mother will pass on this knowledge to her. There was a short silence, "No, I don't think so," Morgan said. "Mom just peels the plastic and then puts everything in the microwave." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
I'm a counselor who helps coordinate support groups for visually-impaired adults. Many participants have a condition known as macular degeneration, which makes it difficult for them to distinguish facial features. I had just been assigned to a new group and was introducing myself. Knowing that many in the group would not be able to see me well, I jokingly said, "For those of you who can't see me, I've been told that I look like a cross between Paul Newman and Robert Redford." Immediately, one woman called out, "We're not THAT blind!" ___________________________________________________

Today February 13 in
1542 Catherine Howard was executed for adultery. She was the
fifth wife of England's King Henry VIII. 

1633 Galileo Galilei arrived in Rome for trial before the
Inquisition. Galileo was convicted of heresy, because he had
written that the earth moves around the sun.

1741 "The American Magazine," the first magazine in the U.S., was
published in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. 

1880 Thomas Edison observed what became known as the Edison
Effect for the first time. In a vacuum electrons flow from a hot
element to a cold one. That eventually led to the vacuum tube,
TVs and tube type monitors.

1900 The Anglo-German accord of 1899 was ratified by Reichstag,
in which Britain renounced rights in Samoa in favor of Germany
and the U.S. 

1914 The American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers
(known as ASCAP) was formed in New York City. The society was
founded to protect the copyrighted musical compositions of its

1920 The League of Nations recognized the continued neutrality of

1935 In Flemington, New Jersey, a jury found Bruno Richard
Hauptmann guilty of the kidnapping and death of the infant son of
Charles and Anne Lindbergh. Hauptmann was later executed for the

1945 At the end of World War II, the Soviets captured Budapest,
Hungary, from the German army. 

1945 During World War II, Allied aircraft began bombing the
German city of Dresden and in 3 days of sustained bombing,
reduced it to rubble.

1955 Israel acquired 4 of the 7 Dead Sea scrolls. 

1960 France detonated its first atomic bomb. 

1971 South Vietnamese troops invaded Laos. They were backed by
U.S. air and artillery support. 

1984 Konstantin Chernenko was chosen to be general secretary of
the Soviet Communist Party's Central Committee, succeeding the
late Yuri Andropov. 

1990 In Ottawa, the United States and its European allies forged
an agreement with the Soviet Union and East Germany on a two-
stage formula to reunite Germany. 

1991 Hundreds of Iraqis were killed by two laser-guided bombs
that destroyed an underground facility in Baghdad. U.S. officials
identified the facility as a military installation, but Iraqi
officials said it was a bomb shelter. 

1997 Astronauts on the space shuttle Discovery brought the Hubble
Space Telescope aboard for a tune up. The tune up allowed the
telescope to see further into the universe. 

1999 A bomb exploded just outside a government-owned bank in
southern Kosovo. Nine people were killed. 

2000 Charles M. Schulz's last original Sunday "Peanuts" comic
strip appeared in newspapers. Schulz had died the day before. 

2001 El Savador was hit with an earthquake that measured 6.6 on
the Richter Scale. At least 400 people were killed. 

2002 In Alexandria, VA, John Walker Lindh pled innocent to a 10-
count federal indictment. He was charged with conspiring to kill
Americans and aiding Osama bin Laden's terrorist network. 

2002 Former New York mayor Rudolph Giuliani received an honorary
knighthood from Queen Elizabeth II. 

2008 Roger Clemens denied having taken performance-enhancing
drugs in testimony before Congress. 

2008 Hollywood writers ended a 100-day strike.

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Windows blocked by Microsoft scam 

Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, February 12

Today it warmed up to almost 20, MINUS 20. Yesterday, when I
brought the garbage out, it was -32. The kids at the school
across the street were on break, yelling and screeching and
running around just like in summer. It did not bother them one
bit, and some were stockpiling snow balls, in case a teacher came
outside. They had a good time.

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Naked woman chased man out of hotel and 
through traffic claiming ‘I’m not crazy.'

Today, February 12 in
1973 The State of Ohio went metric, becoming the first 
in the U.S. to post metric distance signs.
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person. --- Ethel Mumford ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache. Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it. The doctor assured the nurse, "Don't worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of gas and the anesthetic nurse had to bean him with the fire extinguisher." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ During jury selection for one trial, the judge asked potential Juror No. 12 if there was any reason he could not be a fair and impartial juror. "There may be," he replied. "Juror No. 1 is my ex-wife, and if we were on the same jury, I guarantee we would not be able to agree on anything." Both were excused. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kerri Smith, 47, Dante Hedgepath York, Pennsylvania Naked woman chased man out of hotel and through traffic claiming ‘I’m not crazy Kerri Smith, 47, was arrested after she was seen chasing Dante Hedgepath out of a Super 8 Motel and across a street in York, Pennsylvania on Friday. According to authorities, Hedgepath said he got ‘freaked out’ and left the room – but Smith followed him, completely naked, through the lobby screaming for him to come back. Hedgepath later told police that he got a hotel room with Smith, but decided to leave after she began ‘acting crazy’ and saying they were going to ‘have kids and start a life together,’ according to the affidavit. Police found the pair in the hotel parking lot and immediately took Smith into custody in the back of their cruiser, according to CBS 21. Both Smith and Hedgepath had a strong ‘intoxicating odor’ on their breath, police said. Smith told police that ‘something inside me told me to go after him’ and she kept repeating ‘I love him’ and ‘I’m not crazy.’ Officers later found Hedgepath to be in posession of an open, half full bottle of Grey Goose cherry flavored vodka, marijuana, a silver metal grinder containing marijuana residue, and three pill bottles with assorted pills in them – prompting his arrest. He told police that he had a Medical Marijuana Card and claimed that he purchased the marijuana at a dispensary, but could not provide any proof of purchase. Both he and Smith were taken to a local jail where they were booked and a female Sheriff’s Deputy gave Smith a blanket, as well as some clothes to wear Smith was charged with indecent exposure, open lewdness, disorderly conduct, and public drunkenness. Authorities did not specify the charges against Hedgepath. Both were released for processing and arraignment.
From: Claudia Re: Blocked by Microsoft Dear DearWebby, I know it is a scam that attacks and blocks the browser, preternding to be Microsoft. Microsoft attacks by replacing perfectly working stuff with awkward nuisances, but they don't block the browser and demand that I call their 1-800 number. I am using Chrome, my daughter uses FireFox, and the same crap happens on her computer. We are not networked, she lives downtown. So, how do I get out of that attack, and how do I prevent it happening again? Claudia Dear Claudia CTRL SHIFT ESC brings up the task manager. Kill all instances of Chrome. There will be one for each open tab. Yes, I know, that is stupid, and I have told them that a number of times. After you have killed enough Chrome tabs, it will crash and go away. Get some coffee. By the time you come back, all Chrome instances in the Task Manager should be gone. Restart Chrome. RESIST their offer to re-open the 57 tabs, that you had open. One or more of them would be the hacker attack. Once you have a fresh browser page open, Yes, Chrome steals your home page and pesters you with theirs. Just ignore that childish stunt. Hit CTRL H That gives you the browser History. Checkmark anything that has Microsoft in the subject, and also anything, you are no longer interested in. Hit the DELETE key and the ENTER key. Now your bowser is saved and the hacker attack is gone. That attack is NOT a file on your hard drive. It is on Google's Cloud drive and in the browser. MalwareBytes can only nuke bad stuff on your hard drive and in YOUR computer's memory. It's can't go clean Google's server farms in Mexifornia, or Firefox's server farms. If you are smart enough to have MalwareBytes, then check out the Malwarebytes browser extension beta for Chrome and Firefox and say goodbye to tech support scams and many other web threats! If you don't have MalwareBytes yet, get at least the free version! Here are the Extensions: For Google For FireFox The browser extension MAY work, if you don't have MalwarBytes, but don't expect free updates, if you haven't got it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
"I see you bought a new car. What's the make?" "A Perndle." "I've never heard of a Perndle before." "Me neither, but that's what it says, right over the steering wheel: P-R-N-D-L."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Leroy was telling his friend Bubba about the date he had the night before, "It was a bummer. She used four letter words all evening." Bubba exclaimed, "Really? I can't believe you didn't enjoy that." "Guess again," said Leroy, "All night she kept saying 'Quit,' 'Stop,' and 'Don't!'" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Loading a Moving Truck Make sure to stack breakable items towards the top and put the items that you want to get to first in the truck last. Load items as tightly as possible to prevent boxes from shifting while driving. Tie large furniture or appliances to the wall to prevent slipping. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
3D printing in medicine.
___________________________________________________ While touring historic buildings in Alexandria, Virginia, we visited an old church. The guide told us that George Washington had attended services there and pointed to his pew. A reverent silence fell. The guide, encouraged by this, went on to tell us that church services back then had been very lengthy - - frequently lasting three hours or more. The mood of the moment was shattered when an anonymous voice whispered loudly, "So George Washington slept here too!" ___________________________________________________ >From Anna My wife-to-be and I were at the county clerk's office to get our marriage license. After recording the vital information; names, dates of birth, etc. the clerk handed me our license and deadpanned, "No refunds, no exchanges, no warranties." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Noella's Special Brownies Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375. Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan. Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr. "no, no." Add margarine to 2 cups sugar. Take shortening can away from Jr. and clean cupboards. Measure 1/3 cup cocoa. Take shortening can away from Jr. again and bathe cat. Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's tail. Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour. Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation. Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill. Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well. Let cat out of refrigerator. Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13-inch pan. Bake 25 minutes. Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain to kids that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn. Throw cat outside while there's still time and he's still able to run away. FROSTING Mix the following in saucepan: 1 cup sugar 1 oz unsweetened chocolate 1/4 cup margarine Take the darn teddy bear out of the @#$% broiler and throw it away -- far away. Answer the door and meekly explain to nice policeman that you didn't intend to make a political statement by throwing a burning teddybear into the mayor's convertible.. Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring constantly for 2 minutes. Answer door and apologize to neighbor for Billy having stuck a garden hose in man's front door mail slot. Promise to pay for ruined carpet. Tie Billy to clothesline. Move smoking brownies from oven to the shower. ___________________________________________________

Today February 12 in

1554 Lady Jane Grey was beheaded after being charged with
treason. She had claimed the throne of England for only nine

1733 Savannah, GA, was founded by English colonist James

1870 In the Utah Territory, women gained the right to vote. 

1879 The first artificial ice rink opened in North America. It
was at Madison Square Garden in New York City, NY. 

1880 The National Croquet League was organized in Philadelphia,

1892 In the U.S., President Lincoln's birthday was declared to be
a national holiday. 

1907 A collision of the steamer Larchmont and a schooler resulted
in the death of more than 300 people. The incident occurred off
New England's Block Island. 

1909 The National Association for the Advancement of Colored
People (NAACP) was founded. 

1912 China's boy emperor Hsuan T'ung announced that he was
abdicating, ending the Manchu Ch'ing dynasty. Subsequently, the
Republic of China was established. 

1918 All theatres in New York City were shut down in an effort to
conserve coal. 

1924 U.S. President Calvin Coolidge made the first presidential
political speech on radio. 

1924 "The Eveready Hour" became radio’s first sponsored network
program. The National Carbon Company was the first sponsor of a
network show. 

1940 Mutual Radio presented the first broadcast of the radio play
"The Adventures of Superman." 

1968 "Soul on Ice" by Eldridge Cleaver was published for the
first time. 

1971 James Cash (J.C.) Penney died at the age of 95. The company
closed for business for one-half day as a memorial to the
company's founder. 

1973 The State of Ohio went metric, becoming the first in the
U.S. to post metric distance signs. 

1973 American prisoners of war were released for the first time
during the Vietnam conflict. 

1985 Johnny Carson surprised his audience by shaving the beard he
had been wearing on "The Tonight Show." 

1993 In Liverpool, England, a 2-year-old boy, James Bulger, was
lured away from his mother at a shopping mall and beaten to
death. Two ten-year-old boys were responsible. 

1998 A U.S. federal judge declared that the presidential line-
item veto was unconstitutional. 

1999 U.S. President Clinton was acquitted by the U.S. Senate on
two impeachment articles. The charges were perjury and
obstruction of justice. 

2001 The space probe NEAR landed on the asteroid Eros. It was the
first time that any craft had landed on a small space rock. 

2002 Kenneth Lay, former Enron CEO, exercised his constitutional
rights and refused to testify to the U.S. Congress about the
collapse of Enron. 

2002 The trial of former Yugoslav President Slobodan Milosevic
began at the U.N. tribunal in The Hague. Milosevic was accused of
war crimes during the Balkan wars of the 1990s. 

2002 Pakistan charged three men in connection with the kidnapping
of Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl in Karachi.

2002 Princess Stephanie of Monaco and Franco Knie won a
defamation-of-character lawsuit against the Swiss magazine
"Facts." The case involved a photomontage created by the

2003 The U.N. nuclear agency declared North Korea in violation of
international treaties. The complaint was sent to the Security

2004 Mattel announced that "Barbie" and "Ken" were breaking up.
The dolls had met on the set of their first television commercial
together in 1961. 

2013 North Korea conducted its third underground nuclear test. 

2019  smiled.

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Clip views from RealPlayer 

Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, February 11

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Police say groom tried to seduce 
a teenage waitress at wedding

Today, February 11 in
1982 France nationalized five groups of major industries 
and 39 banks.
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The future will be better tomorrow. --- Dan Quayle (1947 - ) We are here and it is now. Further than that all human knowledge is moonshine. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The little boy was caught swearing by his teacher. "Jeffrey," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear it?" "My daddy said it," he responded. "Well, that doesn't matter," she explained, "you don't know what it means." "I do, too," Jeffrey corrected. "It means the car won't start." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ It was mealtime during our trip on a small airline in the Northwest. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in front of me. "What are my choices?" he asked. "Yes or no," she replied. ---------------- Sounds like Scare North! In winter THE meal was frozen potato salad, an ice cold turkey sandwich, that had been toasted the day before, and lukewarm coffee in a cup so cold that you gladly used your gloves to hold it. The only hot items were the two parka clad stewardesses. ______________________________________________________ Northbrook Island in the Russian Arctic National Park _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Matthew Aimers, 31, Willingboro, New Jersey Police say groom tried to seduce a teenage waitress at wedding The "happy" couple smiles at the camera from behind a floral arrangement, seated at a table dotted with champagne flutes and plates of pasta. In another photo, the bride embraces her tuxedo- clad husband on a dance floor engulfed in the mist of a smoke machine. But hours after saying their vows, this groom was in handcuffs, accused of sexually assaulting a teenage waitress in a bathroom stall at his own wedding. Matthew Aimers, 31, of Willingboro, New Jersey has been charged with imprisonment of a minor, indecent assault, and disorderly conduct. In court documents obtained by Oxygen.com, prosecutors paint a hellish picture of a wedding reception that descended into chaos. The incident allegedly unfolded on the evening of Nov. 24, 2018 at the Northampton Valley Country Club after Aimers asked a teenage server there to “make out” with him. “We can do whatever you want,” Aimers allegedly told her, according to the affidavit. She refused Aimers’ alleged advances but told police this “shook her up.” The victim explained to authorities that Aimers later followed her into the women’s restroom where he cornered her in a bathroom stall. He allegedly kissed and groped her, and tried to unbutton her pants. The victim told police she swatted his hands away. At one point Aimers allegedly said, “Can you kiss me like you mean it?” Then Aimers reportedly exposed himself and “wiggl[ed]” his penis against her groin." When she resisted again, Aimers allegedly propositioned her by responding, “I’ll give you a hundred dollars.” The victim told police she eventually shoved the groom aside and escaped the bathroom. Shortly after 10 p.m, police were called to the country club, located in Richboro, PA, after reports that a fight had broken out. Police found Aimers “pushing and punching people” by the entrance and said he tried to flee the scene by boarding a nearby shuttle bus. The dramatic display reportedly ended when a policeman drew his taser, boarded the bus, and confronted Aimers. Police allege Aimers physically threatened and “continuously called” the arresting officer a “pussy and a bitch” before being taken into custody. Aimers is also accused of punching a country club employee in the face after wandering outside the venue. Aimers posted 10 percent of his $350,000 bail and has since been released from jail. He's expected to be arraigned at Bucks County Court next week. The alleged incident hasn’t impacted Aimers’ marital status Busucio noted, who added his client’s wife, Kayla is “100 percent supportive, 100 percent loving, and 100 percent in his corner.”
From: Carol Re: Clip from realPlayer Dear DearWebby, Is there a way to print screens from programs running is RealPlayer? Thnaks in advance for you help. Carol Dear Carol In MediaPlayer you simply hit the PrintScreen key, jump to your graphics program, hit CTRL V and it pastes the clip into a new picture. Probably that will work with RealPlayer too. Have FUN! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A golfer stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity to his partner. He looks up, looks down, measures the distance and figures the wind speed and direction. The longer he takes, the more irritated his partner becomes. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball." The golfer says, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man," his partner says. "You'll never hit her from here."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The controller who was working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (to do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know It costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane? Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Keeping Socks Together This won't completely solve the problem of unmatched socks, but certainly will help. Train your children to fold their socks together before they put them in the laundry basket. Also, it helps to always buy them the same brand, color, and style socks. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Unbelievable moments caught on video.
___________________________________________________ This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made. The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes. The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes. But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes. When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way: The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures... AND I COULDN'T STOP TALKING! ___________________________________________________ My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said, "I do." Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and my Mom said, "He better!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Two Roofers, Bob and Dan, were putting a new roof on a barn when a bundle of shingles slid down the slope and knocked the ladder over. Bob and Dan decided since it was early they would continue working because someone would surely come around by quitting time. It was nearing 5 PM and they hadn't seen hide nor hair of anyone. So, they walked around the roof a few times and finally decided there was only one way down. On the West side of the barn was a big manure pile. Bob says, "It's the only way down. I will go first." Bob jumped. Dan heard the squishy landing and yelled, "Hey Bob! How deep did you go?" Bob yells back, "I went to my ankles Dan, come on JUMP!" Dan jumps and goes clear up to his neck in manure. He says to Bob, "I thought when you jumped you went up to your ankles?" Bob replies, "I did, but I landed head first!" ___________________________________________________

Today February 11 in
1752 The Pennsylvania Hospital opened as the very first hospital
in America. 

1808 Judge Jesse Fell experimented by burning anthracite coal to
keep his house warm. He successfully showed how clean the coal
burned and how cheaply it could be used as a heating fuel. 

1812 The term "gerrymandering" had its beginning when the
governor of Massachusetts, Elbridge Gerry, signed a redistricting
law that favored his party. 

1858 A French girl, Bernadette Soubirous, claimed to have seen a
vision of the Virgin Mary near Lourdes. 

1878 The first U.S. bicycle club, Boston Bicycle Club, was

1929 The Lateran Treaty was signed. Italy now recognized the
independence and sovereignty of Vatican City. 

1936 Pumping began the process to build San Francisco's Treasure

1937 General Motors agreed to recognize the United Automobile
Workers Union, which ended the current sit-down strike against

1943 General Dwight David Eisenhower was selected to command the
allied armies in Europe. 

1945 During World War II, the Yalta Agreement was signed by U.S.
President Franklin Roosevelt, British Prime Minister Winston
Churchill and Soviet leader Josef Stalin.

1957 The NHL Players Association was formed in New York City. 

1958 Ruth Carol Taylor was the first black woman to become a
stewardess by making her initial flight. 

1975 Margaret Thatcher became the first woman to head a major
party in Britain when she was elected leader of the Conservative

1979 Nine days after the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini returned to
Iran (after 15 years in exile) power was seized by his followers.

1982 ABC-TV’s presentation of "The Winds of War" concluded. The
18-hour miniseries cost $40 million to produce and was the most-
watched television program in history at the time. 

1982 France nationalized five groups of major industries and 39

1984 The tenth Space Shuttle mission returned to Earth safely. 

1989 Rev. Barbara C. Harris became the first woman to be
consecrated as a bishop in the Episcopal Church. 

1990 Nelson Mandela was freed after 27 years in captivity. 

1990 In Tokyo, Japan, James "Buster" Douglas knocked out Mike
Tyson in the tenth round to win the heavyweight championship. 

1993 Janet Reno was appointed to the position of attorney general
by U.S. President Clinton. She was the first female to hold the

2000 The space shuttle Endeavor took off. The mission was to
gather information for the most detailed map of the earth ever

2000 Great Britain suspended self-rule in Northern Ireland after
the Irish Republican Army (IRA) failed to begin decommissioning
(disarming) by a February deadline. 

2002 The six stars on NBC's "Friends" signed a deal for $24
million each for the ninth and final season of the series. 

2006 In Texas, U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot
and wounded a companion during a quail hunt. 

2016 It was reported that scientists had detected gravitational
waves. The waves had been detected on September 14, 2015 by the
Laser Interferometer Gravitational-wave Observatory (LIGO)
detectors in Livingston, LA, and Hanford, WA. 

2019  smiled.

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UV filter for digital cameras 

Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, February 10

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Texas grandma defends herself from 
machete-wielding clown masked robbers 
with just grand child's scooter.

Today, February 10 in
1935 The Pennsylvania Railroad began passenger service with its
electric locomotive. The engine was 79-1/2 feet long and weighed
230 tons. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I would rather spend an hour among the notorious than two minutes with the dull. --- Stephanie Barron Who is wise? He that learns from every One. Who is powerful? He that governs his Passions. Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody. --- Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790) He who rejects change is the architect of decay. The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery. --- Harold Wilson and Governments ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Recently in Traffic Court, a man who received an expensive parking ticket testified that a uniformed Policeman had given his OK for the man to park there. The Judge asked the man if he would recognize the Officer if he ever saw him again, and the man replied that he would. The Judge then said, "Good. When you see the Officer again, tell him he owes you 57 dollars. Next..." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ On their anniversary night, the husband sat his wife sat down in the den with her favourite magazine, turned on the soft reading lamp, slipped off her shoes, patted and propped her feet and announced that he was preparing dinner all by himself. "How romantic!" she thought. Two-and-a-half hours later, she was still waiting for dinner to be served. She tiptoed to the kitchen and found it a colossal mess.Her harried husband, removing something indescribable from the smoking oven, saw her in the doorway. "Almost ready!" he vowed. "Sorry it took me so long -- I had to refill the pepper shaker." "Why, honey, how long could that have taken you?" "More'n an hour, I reckon. Wasn't easy stuffin' it through those dumb little holes." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jose Lugo, 35, Luis Jimenez, 32, Texas City, Texas Texas grandma defends herself from machete-wielding clown masked robbers with just grand child's scooter. A grandmother in Texas City daringly defended herself from masked attackers by utilizing her grandchild's scooter. Aretha Cardinal and her husband, Joseph Nelson, were reportedly approached by robbers in clown masks with red noses and orange hair while sitting in their parked truck in their driveway in the early morning on February 1. One assailant allegedly held a machete to Nelson's throat while making threats on his life. Nelson reportedly fought back and wrestled the blade from the attacker's grasp, while Cardinal then defended herself by grabbing her child's two-wheel scooter and hitting the alleged mugger with it until he relented, reports local outlet. Nelson remembers being shocked by the incident. couldn't believe what was happening," Nelson said to ABC13 of Houston, Texas. "He reached his hand through the window, put it on my throat like this and I'm like 'Dude, you serious, you trying to rob me with a machete?' Cardinal then pursued the men with the scooter as her weapon, hitting them and their car with it and even breaking a window until they drove away, according to Click2Houston.com. Cardinal recalled her stunning defense. "Any weapon is good for me if I can get you off me and my husband, that's what I'm going to do. I used the scooter, broke it in half," said Cardinal. The couple's daughter called the police shortly thereafter, according to The Epoch Times. The robbers must have gotten nicely tenderized since gramma busted the scooter on their heads. Good for Gramma! The aggressors have been identified by police as Luis Jimenez, 32, and Jose Lugo, 35. They have since been charged with aggravated robbery. The two are now being held at the Galveston County Jail. Bond was set at $100,000 for each of them.
From: Harold Re: UV filter for digital cameras Dear DearWebby, I read that digital cameras don't need UV filters even on bright days. Is that true? Harold Dear Harold While it is true that you probably won't be able to tell the difference in the resulting picture, with a good camera I still recommend UV filters. They are cheap, since they are just plain window glass, but they protect your expensive lens from dust and scratches. Since the UV filter is just regular glass, you can clean it with anything without worrying about delicate lens coatings. That alone is worth the $3 - $5 for the UV filter. If you have a UV filter from a previous camera, and it is a bit too big, you can just glue it to the lens barrel. Regular crazy-glue applied with a tooth pick works fine. Have FUN! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Two doctors and an HMO manager are killed in a train wreck and line up at the Pearly Gates for admission to heaven. Saint Peter asks them to identify themselves. One doctor steps forward and says, "I was a pediatric spine surgeon. I helped hundreds of kids overcome their deformities." Saint Peter says, "Enter." The other doctor says, "I was a psychiatrist. I helped rehabilitate thousands of people." Saint Peter nods and invites him into heaven. The third applicant steps forward and says, "I was an HMO manager. I helped countless people get cost-effective health care." Saint Peter tells him, "You can come in, too." As the HMO manager walks by, Saint Peter adds, "But you can only stay for 3 days."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist." Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute. Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Frugal Toys - Cardboard Boxes Use small and large cardboard boxes to help your child make a playhouse, fort, or space ship. You can easily cut windows, doors and then use pens or paint to decorate the outside. Make the project outside on a nice day to avoid messes indoors. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Flashback - Remember Twiggy?
___________________________________________________ Working as a computer instructor for an adult-education pro- gram at a community college, I am keenly aware of the gap in computer knowledge between my younger and older students. My observations were confirmed the day a new student walked into our library area and glanced at the encyclopedia volumes stacked on a bookshelf. "What are all these books?" he asked. Somewhat surprised, I replied that they were encyclopedias. "Really?" he said. Someone printed out the whole DVD?" ___________________________________________________ My little niece, Kelly, went with a neighbor girl to church for First Communion practice. The pastor has the children cup their hands, and when he gives them the "Host," in this case, a piece of bread, he says, "God be with you." Apparently this made quite an impression on my niece. She came home and told her mother to cup her hands and bend down. Kelly took a piece of bread from her sandwich, placed it in her mother's hands, and whispered, in her most angelic voice, "God will get you." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
"That was nice of you to set up a blind date for your ex- boyfriend." "I know, but I don't hold any grudges." "I'm surprised he trusted you enough to agree to go out with her." "Well, I had to swear to him she's Jennifer Lopez's double." "Wow! Is that true?" "I wouldn't lie. She's twice her weight and twice her age." ___________________________________________________

Today February 10 in
1763 The Treaty of Paris ended the French and Indian War. In the
treaty France ceded Canada to England. 

1840 Britain's Queen Victoria married Prince Albert of Saxe

1846 Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
began their exodus to the west from Illinois. 

1863 In New York City, two of the world's most famous midgets,
General Tom Thumb and Lavinia Warren were married. 

1863 In Virginia, the first fire extinguisher patent was issued
to Alanson Crane. 

1870 The YWCA was founded in New York City. 

1879 The electric arc light was used for the first time. 

1923 Ink paste was manufactured for the first time by the
Standard Ink Company. 

1925 The first waterless gas storage tank was placed in service
in Michigan City, IN. 

1933 The singing telegram was introduced by the Postal Telegraph
Company of New York City. 

1933 Primo Carnera knocked out Ernie Schaaf in round 13 at
Madison Square Garden in New York City. Schaaf died as a result
of the knockout punch. 

1934 The first imperforated, ungummed sheets of postage stamps
were issued by the U.S. Postal Service in New York City.

1935 The Pennsylvania Railroad began passenger service with its
electric locomotive. The engine was 79-1/2 feet long and weighed
230 tons. 

1942 The Normandie, the former French liner, capsized in New York
Harbor. The day before the ship had caught fire while it was
being fitted for the U.S. Navy. 

1949 "Death of a Salesman" opened at the Morocco Theatre in New
York City. 

1962 The Soviet Union exchanged captured American U2 pilot
Francis Gary Powers for the Soviet spy Rudolph Ivanovich Abel
being held by the U.S. 

1981 The Las Vegas Hilton hotel-casino caught fire. Eight people
were killed and 198 were injured. 

1989 Ron Brown became the first African American to head a major
U.S. political party when he was elected chairman of the
Democratic National Committee. 

1990 South African President F.W. de Klerk announced that black
activist Nelson Mandela would be released the next day after 27
years in captivity. 

1992 Mike Tyson was convicted in Indianapolis of raping Desiree
Washington, a Miss Black American contestant. 

1997 The U.S. Army suspended its top-ranking enlisted soldier,
Army Sgt. Major Gene McKinney following allegations of sexual
misconduct. McKinney was convicted of obstruction of justice and
acquitted of 18 counts alleging sexual harassment of six military

1998 A man became the first to be convicted of committing a hate
crime in cyberspace. The college dropout had e-mailed threats to
Asian students. 

1998 Voters in Maine repealed a 1997 gay rights law. Maine was
the first state to abandon such legislation. 

1999 Avalanches killed at least 10 people when they roared down
the French Alps 30 miles from Geneva. 

2005 North Korea publicly announced for the first time that it
had nuclear arms. The country also rejected attempts to restart
disarmament talks in the near future saying that it needed the
weapons as protection against an increasingly hostile United

2009 A Russian and an American satellite collide over Siberia. 

2009 Amazon announced the Kindle 2.

2019  smiled.

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USB versus FireWire 

Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, February 9

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Schenectady man mistakenly texted 
drug offer to detective

Today, February 9 in
1969 The Boeing 747 flew its inaugural flight. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. --- Jackie Mason (1934 - ) If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; But if you really make them think, they'll hate you. --- Don Marquis (1878 - 1937) Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. --- Samuel Goldwyn ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Jean A woman goes to a counselor, worried about her husband's temper. The counselor asks, "What's the problem? The woman says, "I don't know what to do. Every day my husband loses his temper for no reason. It scares me." The Counselor says, "I have a cure for that. When it seems your husband is getting angry, take a double shot of Jack Daniel's and swish it in your mouth. Swish and swish, but don't swallow until he either leaves the room or calms down." Two weeks later, she goes back to the counselor, looking fresh and reborn. She tells the counselor, "That was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband started to get angry, I swished the Jack. I swished and swished, and he calmed down. How does swishing Jack Daniel's in your mouth do that? The counselor said, "The Jack Daniel's does nothing. Keeping your mouth shut is the trick. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat. She thinks to herself, "Here's another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat," so she pushes him back onto the seat. A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is still insulted so she refuses to let him up again. Finally, the man says, "Look, lady, you've got to let me get up. I'm twelve blocks past my stop already." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Richard J. Betters Jr., Schenectady, New York Schenectady man mistakenly texted drug offer to detective A Schenectady man apparently got his phone numbers mixed up, and that got him arrested, police said. Richard J. Betters Jr. is facing a charge of third-degree criminal possession of a controlled substance, a felony, after he sent a text message of a drug offer to a Rotterdam police detective, police said. The detective played along with the offer and arrested Betters, 44, of 626 Lansing St., on Tuesday at the Rotterdam Taco Bell, where Betters was found to be in possession of 20 Oxycodone pills, police said. “It’s kind of an unusual one,” Rotterdam Police Lt. William Male said of the case. Police believe Betters had the detective’s mobile number because of prior dealings the detective had with him. Betters’ mugshot showed facial injuries that were present when police encountered him, Male said. Betters was arraigned and ordered held on $20,000 bail.
From: Earl Re: USB versus FireWire Dear DearWebby, What is the difference between a usb 3.5 inch firewire enclosure and a usb drive enclosure? Thanks for all the help and answers. Earl Dear Earl FireWire is for Apple (Mac) machines, USB is for PC. You can use the same hard drive, but the connection to the machine is different. The hard drive enclosure is the adapter. If you run Windows, then you need a USB enclosure, if you run a Mac OS, then you need a FireWire enclosure. Have FUN! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair. "I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes." When the boy's haircut was done and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "It looks like your daddy forgot all about you." "That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Laura's husband, Ron, was called into his bank to discuss his accounts. "Your finances are in terrible shape," the banker stated. "Your checking account is overdrawn, your loan is overdue." "Yes, I know." said Ron. "It's my wife Laura, she is out of control." "Why do you allow your wife to spend more money than you have?" asked the banker. "Frankly," replied Ron with a deep sigh, "because I'd rather argue with you than with her." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Get Your Air Conditioner and Fans Ready Get your air conditioner annual maintenance done before hot weather hits. Much of it can be done yourself and will increase the output of the air conditioner and save you money on electricity. Clean the fan blades and cages and check your manual for recommendations. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Hail storm in Australia
___________________________________________________ Kyle and Justin were about to eat with the baby sitter when 6-year-old Kyle said, "You can't sit in Daddy's seat!" Daddy's not home," the baby sitter replied. "Since I'm responsible for you while he's gone, I can sit here. Today I'm the boss." Justin, the 4 year old, quickly piped up, "If you're the boss, you sit over there in Mommy's chair!" ___________________________________________________ At one point in my life I had considered joining the Baptist Church. For those of you who don't know, the Baptists practice total body immersion to baptize a person. Luckily I even knew a minister in that faith, having dated his daughter, and I asked him if he would consider performing the service. He paused a minute or two, gave me a long thoughtful look and said, "If you're serious about this, a dipping just won't do it for you. We'll have to find a place to anchor you overnight." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Lynn reported for her university final examination that consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet "Yes" for Heads and "No" for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour, but I'm rechecking my answers." ___________________________________________________

Today February 9 in

1870 The United States Weather Bureau was authorized by Congress.
The bureau is officially known as the National Weather Service

1884 Thomas Edison and Patrick Kenny executed a patent
application for a chemical recording stock quotation telegraph
(U.S. Pat. 314,115). 

1885 The first Japanese arrived in Hawaii. 

1895 Volley Ball was invented by W.G. Morgan. 

1895 The first college basketball game was played as Minnesota
State School of Agriculture defeated the Porkers of Hamline
College, 9-3. 

1900 Dwight F. Davis put up a new tennis trophy to go to the
winner in matches against England. The trophy was a silver cup
that weighed 36 pounds. 

1909 The first forestry school was incorporated in Kent, Ohio. 

1932 America entered the 2-man bobsled competition for the first
time at the Olympic Winter Games held at Lake Placid, NY. 

1942 The U.S. Joint Chiefs of Staff held its first formal meeting
to coordinate military strategy during World War II. 

1942 Daylight-saving "War Time" went into effect in the U.S. 

1943 During World War II, the battle of Guadalcanal ended with an
American victory over Japanese forces. 

1950 U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that the State
Department was riddled with Communists. This was the beginning of

1969 The Boeing 747 flew its inaugural flight. 

1971 The San Fernando Valley experienced the Sylmar earthquake
that registered 6.4 on the Richter Scale. 

1971 The Apollo 14 spacecraft returned to Earth after mankind's
third landing on the moon. 

1975 The Russian Soyuz 17 returned to Earth. 

1989 Kohlberg Kravis Roberts and Co. completed the $25 billion
purchase of RJR Nabisco, Inc. 

1997 "The Simpsons" became the longest-running prime-time
animated series. "The Flintstones" held the record previously. 

2001 "Hannibal," the sequel to "Silence of the Lambs," opened in

2019  smiled.

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Not enough HD space 

Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, February 8
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Nashville man tries robbing woman,
her husband chases and shoots him. 

Today, February 8 in
1985 "The Dukes of Hazzard" ended its 6-1/2 year run on CBS
television. :(
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
It's never just a game when you're winning. --- George Carlin (1937 - 2008) When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. --- PJ O'Rourke My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers. --- Woody Allen (1935 - ) Yeah, me too. ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ For years Pensacola, Florida, school crossing guard Dale Rooks had tried everything he could think of, including waving his hands and yelling, to get drivers to slow down in front of the school, but nothing worked. So one day he got an old hair dryer and covered it with gray duct tape so that it looked like a radar gun, then started pointing it at speeders. "People are slowing down, raising their hands at me apologetically," he says. "It's amazing how well it works." Fifth graders at his school later raised money to buy Rooks a real radar gun. Rooks remarked that it "looks just like a hair dryer." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Dear Internal Revenue Service: Enclosed You Will Please Find My 2008 Tax Return Showing That I Owe $3,407.00 In Taxes. Please Note The Attached Article From The Usa Today Newspaper Wherein You Will See The Pentagon (Department Of Defense) Is Paying $171.50 Per Hammer And Nasa Has Paid $600.00 Per Toilet Seat. I Am Enclosing Four (4) Toilet Seats (Valued @ $2,400) And Six (6) Hammers Valued @ $1,029), Which I Secured At Home Depot, Bringing My Total Remittance To $3,429.00. Please Apply The Overpayment Of $22.00 To The "Pelosi's Election Fund," As Noted On My Return. You Can Do This Inexpensively By Sending Them One 1.5" Phillips Head Screw (See Aforementioned Article From Usa Today Newspaper Detailing How H.U.D. Pays $22.00 Each For 1.5" Phillips Head Screws). One Screw Is Enclosed For Your Convenience. It Has Been A Pleasure To Pay My Tax Bill This Year, And I Look Forward To Paying It Again Next Year. Sincerely, A Satisfied Taxpayer ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jordan Ponce, 19, Nashville, Tennessee Nashville man tries robbing woman, her husband chases and shoots him, A would-be thief was shot Monday night after the victim’s husband stopped the crime in progress, chased the man down and opened fire, police said. The suspect, Jordan Ponce, 19, approached a 25-year-old woman walking home Monday night in Antioch about 9:30 p.m., Metro Nashville Police said in a press release. He allegedly ran up behind her and grabbed at her purse. But when she wouldn’t let go, the woman told police, he bashed her head against the building wall. That’s when her 29-year-old husband reportedly heard her screams and raced to help. Authorities said Ponce fled the scene but was chased by the husband, who jumped over a fence and landed on top of the suspect. The pair struggled. Still, the relentless husband remained on his trail and a second fight ensued. The suspect hit the husband in the head, prompting him to take out his gun and fire. Police say the injured suspect, identified as Ponce, got into a silver car and fled the scene. Authorities later discovered that the vehicle he left in was stolen 90 minutes before the attempted robbery. It was located early Tuesday. A department spokesperson told Fox News on Tuesday that Ponce is in the hospital and being treated for wounds to his stomach and hands. The department spokesperson also said that while the investigation is ongoing, charges against Ponce are expected. She said she was not aware of any pending charges against the husband who pursued the suspect.
From: Mia Re: Hard drive space Dear DearWebby, Both of my computers, desktop and laptop, are getting very slow, even though I religiously refrained from installing any utilities or any frivolous programs. The only stuff that is not work related spreadsheets and docs is music and pictrues. I have at lest 2 GB space left on both machines, but a friend told me that the drives are too full. What do you suggest? Mia Dear Mia 2 GB of free space is not enough elbow room for Windows. Get yourself a 1 TB hard drive for $50 -$150, and a USB drive enclosure for $10 - $30. That gives you a portable file server that you can plug into either of your computers. It will show up as an extra hard drive, and when your computers are networked, you can access it from either machine. Then you can move all your music and graphics to that drive and use the original drives just for the operating system. Have FUN! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A wife and her husband attended a very important business party thrown by her boss where the husband may have had one or two more than he should have. On the way home from the party, the woman said to her husband, "Have I ever told you how handsome and sexy and totally irresistible to all women you are?" "Why no," said the husband, deeply flattered. "Then what gave you that idea at the party?!" she screamed.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Tony, having his second son christened, was much concerned about getting the correct name on the birth certificate. "Will you please name the baby just as I give it to you?" "Certainly," answered the minister, "why shouldn't I?" "Well you see, it's like this," replied Tony. "When I told you I wanted to name my first boy Tom, you wrote on his birth certificate 'Thomas.' This boy I want to name Jack." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Chill Your Jello Mold Place your Jello mold in fridge to chill before adding the Jello mixture. This will keep the "skin" off the mold. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Friday's Shirk Report.
___________________________________________________ A lady had been exposed to strep and needed to visit the doctor's office just to have her throat swabbed for a culture. She sat in the waiting room for quite a while with her legs crossed, reading a magazine while other patients came and went. Suddenly her turn was called, but when she stood up to go in, she discovered her leg was "asleep". Not wanting to keep the nurse waiting, she limped and staggered toward the inner office door. She noticed one elderly lady nudging another who sat beside her, as the two of them sympathetically watched her painful progress . Two minutes later, her procedure completed and her leg back to normal, she walked easily back into the waiting room. As she strode past the two elderly ladies, she overheard one whisper triumphantly to the other, "See, Myrtle, I TOLD you he was a wonderful doctor!" ___________________________________________________ This woman and her son are in a nice restaurant. There's quite a bit of food left over, so the woman tells the waiter, "Please put the meat in a bag for the dog." The son jumps up, "Wow, Mom, are we getting a dog?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Marvin was in the hospital. He was an old man. Anyway, there was this young nurse. Everytime she came in, she talked to him like a little child. She would say in a patronizing tone of voice "And how are we doing this morning?!" One day, Marvin had received breakfast, and pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his stand. He had been given a Urine Bottle to fill. The juice was apple juice. You know where the juice went. The nurse came in and picked up the urine bottle. She looks at it. "It seems we are a little cloudy today..." At this, Marvin snatched the bottle out of her hand, pops off the top, and drank it down, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again, and maybe I can filter it better this time." ___________________________________________________

Today February 8 in

1802 Simon Willard patented the banjo clock. 

1861 The Confederate States of America was formed. 

1861 A Cheyenne delegation and some Arapaho leaders accepted a
new settlement (Treaty of Fort Wise) with the U.S. Federal
government. The deal ceded most of their land but secured a 600-
square mile reservation and annuity payments. 

1900 In South Africa, British troops under Gen. Buller were
beaten at Ladysmith. The British fled over the Tugela River. 

1904 The Russo-Japanese War began with Japan attacking Russian
forces in Manchuria. 

1910 William D. Boyce incorporated the Boy Scouts of America. 

1918 During World War I, "The Stars and Stripes" was published
under orders from General John J. Pershing for the United States
Army forces in France. It was published from February 8, 1918 to
June 13, 1919. 

1922 The White House began using radio after U.S. President
Harding had it installed. 

1927 The original version of "Getting Gertie’s Garter" opened at
the Hippodrome Theatre in New York City. 

1952 Queen Elizabeth II ascended to the British throne. Her
father, George VI, had died on February 6. 

1963 The Kennedy administration prohibited travel to Cuba and
made financial and commercial transactions with Cuba illegal for
U.S. citizens. 

1971 The Nasdaq stock-market index debuted. 

1974 The three-man crew of the Skylab space station returned to
Earth after 84 days. 

1978 The U.S. Senate deliberations were broadcast on radio for
the first time. The subject was the Panama Canal treaties. 

1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced a plan to re-introduce
draft registration. 

1985 "The Dukes of Hazzard" ended its 6-1/2 year run on CBS
television. :(

1993 General Motors sued NBC, alleging that "Dateline NBC" had
rigged two car-truck crashes to show that some GM pickups were
prone to fires after certain types of crashes. The suit was
settled the following day by NBC. 

2019  smiled.

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Fuzzy Fonts 

Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, February 7

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Assault with a frozen pork chop

Today, February 7 in
1974 The nation of Grenada gained independence from Britain.
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The trouble with normal is it always gets worse. --- Bruce Cockburn Health consists of having the same diseases as one's neighbors. --- Quentin Crisp When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. --- P. J. O'Rourke ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Angela for this story: An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects: a Bible, a silver dollar, a bottle of whisky, and a Playboy magazine. 'I'll just hide behind the door,' the old preacher said to himself, 'when he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up. 'If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a shame that would be. 'And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he's gonna be a skirt-chasin' bum.' The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this month's Centerfold. 'Lord have mercy,' the old preacher disgustedly whispered, 'He's gonna run for Congress. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. 'If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds. Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. 'How long will this take?' I asked. 'They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies. I stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?' Without missing a beat he says 'Worked for your butt, didn't it?' He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw. Stupid, stupid man. ______________________________________________________ Rikki Pool's rays in approaching sand storm in Australia _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jennifer Brassard, 48, Brooksville, Florida Assault with a frozen pork chop Florida Woman is facing a domestic battery charge after allegedly clobbering her boyfriend in the face with a frozen pork chop during a dispute Friday night in their residence. Cops allege that Jennifer Brassard, 48, and her beau were “engaged in a verbal argument” around 9:45 PM when Brassard “threw a frozen pork chop at the victim.” The pork chop, a criminal complaint notes, struck the man below the left eye, causing a half-inch laceration. After getting hit with the pork chop, the victim fled the couple’s home. Police arrested Brassard after determining that she was the “primary aggressor” during the domestic confrontation. Pictured above, Brassard was booked into the county jail on a misdemeanor domestic battery charge. She was released from custody yesterday afternoon upon posting $250 bond. A judge has ordered Brassard to have no contact with her boyfriend. The criminal complaint does not indicate whether the pork chop was seized as evidence.
From: Wolf Re: Fuzzy fonts Dear DearWebby, I have the same computer at home as my husband has at work. The fonts on his screen are nice and sharp, no matter what program he uses. On mine they are fuzzy, except when I use Safari for Windows. Dear hubby of course does not have a clue why. His machine had already been set up professionally when he got it. So, what do their techs know that I don't? Thanks Wolf Go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools or click on the wrench in the side menu here. In the toolbox look for a program called Clear Type Font Tuner. It's a fairly large download, but the actual usage is quick and simple. It shows you some examples and you click on the best looking one. Then it sets up your video accordingly. That is all there is to it. You will notice quite a difference. Your fonts will be a lot sharper, crisper, and more readable. However, I would not go as far as saying that they look as good in IE as they do in Safari for Windows. Have FUN! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old Sarah started using her pinwheel as a magic wand, pretending she was a fairy godmother. "Make three wishes," she told her mother, "and I'll grant them." Her mom first asked for world peace. Sarah swung her wand and proclaimed the request fulfilled. Next, her mother requested for a cure for all ill children. Again, with a sweep of the pinwheel, Sarah obliged. The mother, with a glance down at her rather ample curves, made her third wish, "I wish to have a trim figure again." The miniature fairy godmother started waving her wand madly and finally exclaimed: "I'll need more power for this!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A husband and wife went to breakfast at a restaurant where the "Seniors' Special" was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99. "Sounds good," the wife said. "But I don't want the eggs." "Then I'll have to charge you $2.49 because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her. "You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" the wife asked incredulously. "YES!!" "Then I'll take the special." "How do you want your eggs?" "Raw and in the shell," the wife replied. And she took the two eggs home. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Chill Your Jello Mold Place your Jello mold in fridge to chill before adding the Jello mixture. This will keep the "skin" off the mold. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Paintings of a post-apocalyptic world.
___________________________________________________ The honeymoon is over when he phones to say he'll be late for supper and she's already left a note that it's in the refrigerator. ___________________________________________________ A young woman was worried about her stress-related habit of biting her fingernails down to the quick, so her friend advised her to take up yoga. She did, and soon her finger- nails were growing normally. Her friend asked her if yoga had totally cured her nervous- ness. "No," she replied, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
The other day I needed to call home, but the only pay phone I could find was in use. So I stood to the side and politely waited until it was free, thinking it would only be a couple of minutes. Five minutes went by, and still the man was on the phone. He was just standing there, not saying a word. Two more minutes went by, and he still wasn't talking. Finally, I tapped him on the shoulder and asked if I could use the phone. I really wouldn't be long, but needed to make an important call. "Hold your horses," he responded, covering the receiver. "I'm talking to my wife." ___________________________________________________

Today February 7 in

1882 The last bareknuckle fight for the heavyweight boxing
championship took place in Mississippi City. 

1893 Elisha Gray patented a machine called the telautograph. It
automatically signed autographs to documents. 

1913 The Turks lost 5,000 men in a battle with the Bulgarian army
in Gallipoli. 

1940 "Pinocchio" world premiered at the Center Theatre in

1941 The Tommy Dorsey Orchestra and Frank Sinatra recorded
"Everything Happens to Me." 

1943 The U.S. government announced that shoe rationing would go
into effect in two days. 

1944 During World War II, the Germans launched a counteroffensive
at Anzio, Italy. 

1962 The U.S. government banned all Cuban imports and re-export
of U.S. products to Cuba from other countries. 

1974 The nation of Grenada gained independence from Britain. 

1976 Darryl Sittler (Toronto Maple Leafs) set a National Hockey
League (NHL) record when he scored 10 points in a game against
the Boston Bruins. He scored six goals and four assists. 

1977 Russia launched Soyuz 24. 

1984 Space shuttle astronauts Bruce McCandless II and Robert L.
Stewart made the first untethered space walk. 

1985 "Sports Illustrated" released its annual swimsuit edition.
It was the largest regular edition in the magazine’s history at
218 pages. 

1986 Haitian President-for-Life Jean-Claude Duvalier fled his
country ending 28 years of family rule. 

1991 The Rev. Jean-Bertrand Aristide was sworn in as Haiti's
first democratically elected president. 

1999 NASA's Stardust space probe was launched. The mission was to
return comet dust samples from comet Wild 2. The mission was
completed on January 15, 2006 when the sample return capsule
returned to Earth. 

2000 California's legislature declared that February 13 would be
"Charles M. Schulz Day." 

2008 The Space Shuttle Atlantis launched with the mission of
delivering the Columbus science laboratory to the International
Space Station. 

2019  smiled.

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Lost Recycle Bin on W10 

Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, February 6

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Iowa mom left 2-, 4-year-old in car 
in below freezing temperatures

Today, February 6 in
1971 NASA Astronaut Alan B. Shepard used a six-iron that he had
brought inside his spacecraft and swung at three golf balls on
the surface of the moon. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The truth is rarely pure and never simple. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) To play it safe is not to play. --- Robert Altman (1925 - 2007) You're never too old to become younger. --- Mae West (1892 - 1980) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Whats the worst thing a wife can get on her twentieth wedding anniversary?" And you know what the answer is? "Morning Sickness." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ An English soldier, an American solider and a Russian soldier found themselves sharing a table in a Bosnian restaurant, and the conver sation turned towards how well fed each of them was. "In the Russian army we have 2000 calories of food a day" said the Russian. "Well", said the Englishman, "In the British army we are given 4000 calories of food a day." "That's nothing", said the American, "in the US army we have 8000 calories of food a day". At this the Russian got very annoyed. "Nonsense", he said, "how could one man eat that much cabbage!!!." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Stephany C. Moses, 25, Council Bluffs, Iowa Iowa mom left 2-, 4-year-old in car in below freezing temperatures A Council Bluffs woman left her two children in a car unattended in the cold for about 45 minutes Tuesday, police said. Police were called just after 10:30 a.m. to a parking lot near 3271 Interstate 80 and 24th Street to check on two children, ages 2 and 4. The children had been located by a concerned citizen who then provided them shelter in her vehicle until police arrived, officers said. The investigation revealed the two children had been left unattended in the vehicle for approximately 45 minutes. The vehicle the children had been left in was not running, was unlocked and the window was partially down, police said. Police said the children were only wearing light clothing. The outside air temperature at the time of the incident was 5 degrees with a minus 14 to minus 15 degree wind chill. The mother of the children was located by police after she came out of the Boot Barn Store, police said. The mother, identified as Stephany C. Moses, 25, was arrested on two counts of child endangerment. The children were placed into protective custody, and the Department of Human Services was contacted. The children were not injured.
From: Carol Re: Lost recycle bin W10 Dear DearWebby, my hubby has deleted the recycle bin by accident. where can we go to find it again!! Carol Dear Carol Here's how to get the Recycle Bin onto your desktop in Windows 10: Select the Start button, then select Settings. Select Personalization > Themes > Desktop icon settings. Select the Recycle Bin check box > Apply. Have FUN! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
"I hear the bank is looking for a new teller." "I thought they just hired a new teller last week." "Right. That's the one they're looking for."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole some lumber." "How much lumber did you steal?" "I built my German Shepherd dog a nice new doghouse." "That's not so bad." "Father, I also built myself a 4-car garage." "Well, now, that's a little more serious." " There's more. I also built a 5 bedroom, 4 bath house." "That's much more serious. You'll have to make a novena." "Father, I'm not sure what a novena is, but if you've got the blueprints, I've got the lumber!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Chill Your Jello Mold Place your Jello mold in fridge to chill before adding the Jello mixture. This will keep the "skin" off the mold. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Sand Art by Ilana Yahav - Miracles don't always happen – take charge!
___________________________________________________ Since another church member, Bonnie, had mentioned that she and her husband were struggling with a big decision on whether they should become missionaries, my friend offered to include them on the prayer list. So at the meeting, my friend announced in front of the whole congregation, "Let's all pray that Bonnie and Lee can make a decision about the missionary position." ___________________________________________________ Re graduating from highschool: Interesting article in the NY Times about the government desperately trying to come up with a single formula for figuring out how many kids graduated and how many were left behind. Apparently each state fudges the figures differently and some don't have the skills to do even that. Should be simple enough: X kids were born, Y kids graduated, Z = X - Y and shows the number of kids left behind. Apparently that is not democratic enough, since then most states would not qualify for Federal handouts. Also, since some states hand out graduation diplomas for having signed up, regardless of attending or test results, the stats are a bit unrealistic. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Mrs. Goldfarb was shopping at a produce stand in her neighborhood. She approached the vendor and asked, "How much are these oranges?" "Two for a quarter," answered the vendor. "How much is just one?" she asked. "Fifteen cents," answered the vendor. "Then I'll take the other one," said Mrs. Goldfarb. ___________________________________________________

Today February 6 in
1778 The United States gained official recognition from France as
the two nations signed the Treaty of Amity and Commerce and the
Treaty of Alliance in Paris. 

1815 The state of New Jersey issued the first American railroad
charter to John Stevens. 

1899 The U.S. Senate ratified a peace treaty between the U.S. and

1900 The Holland Senate ratified the 1899 peace conference decree
that created an international arbitration court at The Hague. 

1911 The first old-age home for pioneers opened in Prescott, AZ. 

1932 Dog sled racing happened for the first time in Olympic

1937 K. Elizabeth Ohi became the first Japanese woman lawyer when
she received her degree from John Marshall Law School in Chicago,

1952 Britain's King George VI died. His daughter, Elizabeth II,
succeeded him. 

1959 The U.S., for the first time, successfully test-fired a
Titan intercontinental ballistic missile from Cape Canaveral. 

1971 NASA Astronaut Alan B. Shepard used a six-iron that he had
brought inside his spacecraft and swung at three golf balls on
the surface of the moon. 

1972 Over 500,000 pieces of irate mail arrived at the mail room
of CBS-TV, when word leaked out that an edited-for-TV version of
the X-rated movie, "The Demand," would be shown. 

1973 Construction began on the CN Tower in Toronto, Ontario,

1985 The French mineral water company, Perrier, debuted its first
new product in 123 years. The new items were water with a twist
of lemon, lime or orange. 

1987 President Ronald Reagan turned 76 years old this day and
became the oldest U.S. President in history. 

1998 Washington National Airport was renamed for U.S. President
Ronald Reagan with the signing of a bill by U.S. President

1999 King Hussein of Jordan transferred full political power to
his oldest son the Crown Prince Abdullah. 

1999 Excerpts of former White House intern Monica Lewinsky's
videotaped testimony were shown at President Clinton's
impeachment trial. 

1999 Heavy fighting resumed along the common border between
Ethiopia and Eritrea. 

2000 Russia's acting President Vladimir Putin announced that
Russian forces had captured Grozny, Chechnya. The capital city
had been under the control of Chechen rebels. 

2000 In Finland, Foreign Minister Tarja Halonen became the first
woman to be elected president. 

2000 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton formally declared
that she was a candidate for a U.S. Senate seat from the state of
New York after the sitting senator had been ordered to retire. 

2001 Ariel Sharon was elected Israeli prime minister. 

2002 A federal judge ordered John Walker Lindh to be held without
bail pending trial. Lindh was known as the "American Taliban."

2019  smiled.

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Memory Full 

Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, February 5

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Woman arrested after punching a fellow 
stripper and ripping electrical meter 
off club's wall

Today, February 5 in
1782 The Spanish captured Minorca from the British.
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Normal is not something to aspire to, it's something to get away from. --- Jodie Foster (1962 - ) Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so. --- John Stuart Mill (1806 - 1873) The upper classes are... a nation's past; the middle class is its future. --- Ayn Rand (1905 - 1982) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ John's beloved old super economy car was in deplorable shape, but he refused to get rid of it. So when the old junker was stolen from his office parking lot, his family was delighted. Nonetheless, they called the police and filed an insurance claim. Their relief was short-lived, within an hour an officer was on the phone. "We found the car less than a mile away," he said, trying to restrain himself. "It had a note on it that read, 'Thanks anyway, we'd rather walk.'" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The good bishop knew very well that not only did everyone in his small town look to him for an example, but that all too often, all eyes were on him as potential fodder for the local gossip mill, as well. This could be wearing; but usually, he was able to provide the good example and escape the tattlers. One night, however, after a long, hard day, a social obligation beckoned on top of his church responsibilities, and he came to a sudden stopping place. His hostess, noting that he looked tired, asked with concern, "A spot of tea, Bishop?" "No, thank you," he managed. "No tea." "Ah," she said. "Coffee, then?" "No coffee either, thank you." In the spirit of triage, she leaned closer and murmured, "I could bring you a scotch and soda in a coffee mug?" "My dear, this is my last word: NO soda." ______________________________________________________ Blue Carpenter Bee _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christie Caratini-Mendoza, 37, New Port Richey, Florida Woman arrested after punching a fellow stripper and ripping electrical meter off club's wall As the pole-dancing exercise trend of recent years taught the rest of us, exotic dancing takes some muscle. Police say a stripper in Florida showed her strength (and fearlessness) in a different way this week, by ripping an entire electrical meter off the wall of the club. According to local station WFLA, police say Christie Caratini- Mendoza, a stripper at Desire Gentleman’s Club in New Port Richey, Fla., got into a fight with a co-worker. She reportedly punched the other woman, knocked her down and kicked her. Police say she then took her anger out on the Progress Energy meter bolted to the wall of the club, dismantling the meter and hiding it.
From: Yorkie Re: Memory full Dear DearWebby, CAN YOU TELL ME HOW I KNOW IF MY MEMORY IS FULL? Dear Yorkie When you save a picture from a page, and Windows wants to save it as a .BMP file instead of JPG or GIF, then your RAM memory is so full that pretty soon programs will start to lock up. Then it's time to log off AOL, run CrapCleaner or reboot. Have FUN! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Mr. and Mrs. Steinfeld are asleep in their beds late one night, when Mrs. Steinfeld hears a noise downstairs. "Wake up!" cried Mrs. Steinfeld, nudging her husband. "There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they're eating the pot roast I made tonight!" "That will teach them!" said Mr. Steinfeld. "I just hope they don't die in the house!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Parents can be very upset when their children don't get into the college of their choice. As an admissions counselor for a state university, I took a call from an irate mother who was demanding to know why her daughter had been turned down. Avoiding any mention of the transcript full of D's, I explained that her daughter just wasn't as "competitive" as the admitted class. "Why doesn't she try anther school for a year and then transfer?" I suggested. "Another school!" exclaimed the Mother. "Have you seen her grades?" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Fixing Tweezers Have your tweezers flattened out and lost their spring? Close the tweezers with a pencil placed halfway between the hinge and the points to increase the bend. Then they should grip again. Before bending the tweezers it is a good idea to first true the tips by pulling a double-sided diamond grit nail file or folded sandpaper sideways through the tips a few times. The sideways wipe will leave a microscopic version of the serration on pliers. Have FUN! DearWebby Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
The Sun King's perfumed bath.
___________________________________________________ Panicking when her toddler swallowed a tiny magnet; my sister, Betty, rushed him to the emergency room. "He'll be fine," the doctor promised her. "The magnet should pass through his system in a day or two." "HDo you cook?ow will I be sure?" she pressed. "Well," the doctor suggested, "you could stick him on the refrigerator. When he falls off, you'll know." ___________________________________________________ A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read "Unique Breakfast", so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. "What's your 'Unique Breakfast'?" he asked inquisitively. "Baked tongue of chicken," she replied proudly. "Baked tongue of chicken? Do you have ANY idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!" the man fumed. Undaunted, the waitress asked, "Well, what would you like then, sir?" The man replied, "Just bring me some scrambled eggs." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "I've been volunteered to help move furniture for my mother-in-law tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!" ___________________________________________________

Today February 5 in
1782 The Spanish captured Minorca from the British. 

1783 Sweden recognized the independence of the United States. 

1861 Samuel Goodale patented the moving picture peep show

1885 Congo State was established under Leopold II of Belgium, as
a personal possession. 

1917 Mexico's constitution was adopted. 

1917 The U.S. Congress passed the Immigration Act of 1917
(Asiatic Barred Zone Act) with an overwhelming majority. The
action overrode President Woodrow Wilson's December 14, 1916

1924 The BBC time signals, or "pips", from Greenwich Observatory
were heard for the first time. They are broadcast every hour. 

1931 Maxine Dunlap became the first woman licensed as a glider

1952 In New York City, four signs were installed at 44th Street
and Broadway in Times Square that told pedestrians "don't walk." 

1958 Gamel Abdel Nasser was formally nominated to become the
first president of the United Arab Republic. 

1962 French President Charles De Gaulle called for Algeria's

1982 Great Britain imposed economic sanctions against Poland and
Russia in protest against martial law in Poland. 

1988 A pair of indictments were unsealed in Florida, accusing
Panama's military leader, Gen. Manuel Antonio Noriega, of bribery
and drug trafficking. 

1994 White separatist Byron De La Beckwith was convicted in
Jackson, MS, of the 1963 murder of civil rights leader Medgar

1997 Switzerland's "Big Three" banks announced they would create
a $71 million fund for Holocaust victims and their families. 

1997 Investment bank Morgan Stanley announced a $10 billion
merger with Dean Witter. 

1999 Mike Tyson was sentenced to a year in jail for assaulting
two people after a car accident on August 31, 1998. Tyson was
also fined $5,000, had to serve 2 years of probation, and had to
perform 200 hours of community service upon release. 

2001 Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman announced their separation. 

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She is not getting her mail out 

Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, February 4

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Dumb looking creep busted for 
identity theft

Today, February 4 in
1824 J.W. Goodrich introduced rubber galoshes to the public.
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
What's done cannot be undone. --- William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616) It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age. --- William Feather ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A cop stops a speeding car and tells the woman driver: "When I saw you driving down the road, I thought to myself, "sixty-five at least." The woman replied: I don't think that is quite fair. I think this hat makes me look older. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two Americans just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first American turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language." "Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Julian Mitchell, 20, Davidson County, Tennessee Dumb looking creep busted for identity theft The 20-year-old Tennessee resident was arrested Thursday night for identity theft after allegedly trying to use another man’s bank card at a Nashville bar. A search subsequent to Mitchell’s arrest found the victim’s wallet inside the defendant’s fanny pack. Mitchell is being held in the Davidson County jail in lieu of $25,000 bond. He is scheduled for a February 4 court appearance.
From: Sam Re: Not getting my mail out Dear DearWebby, I am writing this from my daughter's computer. Any mail I send to you or almost everyone, never gets there. Yet a few people do get it. What am I doing wrong? By the way, my own email address is samtc@***.com Sam Dear Sam I found your samtc address in my blacklist. Most likely all your other contact also have you blacklisted. Have you at one time been a silly nuisance and annoyed people with an a%to-responder? With today's spam protection programs it is common and normal to automatically blacklist nuisance mail like a%to-responders. If I sent the Humor Letter out with that word in the subject line, I would probably get twenty thousand bounces or complaints that it did not arrive. Even worse are automatic confirmation requests sent out automatically. Some of them collect email addresses for spam purposes, the rest of them are often so insecure that spammers routinely raid them and harvest the addresses. Naturally, those will get you blacklisted too. About all you can do is change your address to one that has not been blacklisted, and make sure that you are not using anything that looks like you are being a nuisance again. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Delivering his speech at the opening banquet of a national convention, the visiting minister told several anecdotes he expected to repeat at meetings the next day. Because he wanted to use the jokes again, he requested that the reporters omit them from any accounts they might turn in to their newspapers. A cub reporter, in commenting on the speech, ended his piece with the following: "The minister told a number of stories that cannot be printed here."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two women were paired together as partners in a club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time. After introductions, the first golfer asked the second, "What's your handicap?" "Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied. "Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that she was paired up with such a strong player. "Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones! ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Contact Lenses Before cleaning your contact lenses, close the drain in your bathroom sink or cover it with a washcloth. This will keep the lenses from going down the drain if you drop them. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Lets travel to Bulgaria today.
___________________________________________________ A man goes to the doctor with a swollen foot. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse. "I'll be right back with some water," the doctor tells him. The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience. He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat. He hobbles back into the examining room. The doctor comes back with a pan of warm water. "Ok, after the tablet dissolves, you can sit here and soak that foot for at least 20 minutes." ___________________________________________________ Upset over a newlywed squabble with my husband, I went to my mother to complain. Trying to console me, my dad said that men are not all like this all the time. "Nonsense," I said, inconsolable. "Men are good for only one thing!" "Yes," my mother interjected, "but how often do you have to parallel park?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight or if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms." --- Elayne Boosler ___________________________________________________

Today February 4 in
1783 Britain declared a formal cessation of hostilities with its
former colonies, the United States of America. 

1789 Electors unanimously chose George Washington to be the first
president of the United States. 

1824 J.W. Goodrich introduced rubber galoshes to the public. 

1847 In Maryland, the first U.S. Telegraph Company was

1861 Delegates from six southern states met in Montgomery, AL, to
form the Confederate States of America. 

1901 "Captain Jinks of the Horse Marines" opened in New York

1904 The Russo-Japanese War began after Japan laid siege to Port

1913 Louis Perlman received a patent for his demountable tire-
carrying rims. 

1932 The first Winter Olympics were held in the United States at
Lake Placid, NY. 

1935 CBS radio presented "Mrs. Wiggs of the Cabbage Patch" for
the first time. 

1936 Radium E. became the first radioactive substance to be
produced synthetically. 

1945 During World War II, U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt,
British Prime Minister Winston Churchill and Soviet leader Josef
Stalin began a conference at Yalta to outline plans for Germany's

1948 Ceylon gained independence within the British Commonwealth.
The country later became known as Sri Lanka. 

1953 "The Stooge" premiered at the Paramount Theatre in New York

1957 Smith-Corona Manufacturing Inc., of New York, began selling
portable electric typewriters. The first machine weighed 19

1968 The world's largest hovercraft was launched at Cowes, Isle
of Wight. 

1973 The Reshef was unveiled as Israel's missile boat. 

1974 Patricia (Patty) Hearst was kidnapped in Berkeley, CA, by
the Symbionese Liberation Army. 

1976 An earthquake in Guatemala and Honduras killed more than
22,000 people. 

1985 U.S. President Ronald Reagan's defense budget called for a
tripling of the expenditure on the "Star Wars" research program. 

1993 Russian scientists unfurled a giant mirror in orbit and
flashed a beam of sunlight across Europe during the night.
Observers saw it only as a momentary flash. 

1997 A civil jury in California found O.J. Simpson liable in the
death of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman.
Goldman's parents were awarded $8.5 million in compensatory

1997 Two Israeli troop-carrying helicopters collided on their way
to Lebanon, all 73 soldiers and airmen aboard were killed. 

1997 Mario Lemieux (Pittsburgh Penguins) scored his 600th
National Hockey League (NHL) goal during his 719th game. Lemieux
reached the milestone second fastest in history. Gretzky had
reached the plateau during his 718th game. 

1998 In northeast Afghanistan, at least 5,000	people were killed
in an earthquake that measured 6.1 on the Richter Scale. 

1999 Warplanes from Israel attacked south Lebanon just after
rockets were fired toward Israel. No casualies were claimed on
either side. 

1999 Amadou Diallo, an unarmed West African immigrant, was shot
and killed in front of his Bronx home by four plainclothes New
York City police officers. The officers had been conducting a
nighttime search for a rape suspect. 

2000 Austrian President Thomas Klestil swore in a coalition
government that included Joerg Haider's far-right Freedom Party.
European Union sanctions were a result of the action. 

2003 Yugoslavia was formally dissolved by lawmakers. The country
was replaced with a loose union of its remaining two republics,
Serbia and Montenegro. 

2004 The social networking website Facebook.com was launched. 

2019  smiled.

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Best Map program 

Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, February 3

Thank you, Mary!

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Florida man called 911 more than 200 times 
and hung up. He is in jail now.

Today, February 3 in
1966 The first rocket-assisted controlled landing on the Moon 
was made by the Soviet space vehicle Luna IX.
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects. --- Lester B. Pearson (1897 - 1972) If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. --- Dorothy Parker If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader. --- John Quincy Adams The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise." --- Alden Nowlan ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Bert Apparently I tend to brag too much about my home state of Ohio. One day I told a long-suffering friend, "You know, the first man in powered flight was from Ohio. The first man to orbit the earth was from Ohio. And the first man on the moon was from Ohio." "Sounds like a lot of people are trying to get out of Ohio," he observed. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Dave I'm dyslexic, and attended a conference about the disorder with a friend. The speakers asked us to share a personal experience with the group. I told them stress aggravates my condition, in which I reverse words and letters when I'm tense. When I finished speaking, my friend leaned over and whispered to me, "Now I know why you named your daughter Hannah." ______________________________________________________ Snow blower on the White Pass and Yukon Route railroad, steam powered, built in 1909. Winter and summer picture. The cast iron vanes are perfectly balanced, and adjustable to suit the type of snow of the day. You just see the cutters. Behind them are the "throwers", that fling the cut snow 50 feet. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Reston, 38, St. Augustine Beach, Florida He's called 911 more than 200 times and hangs up. A man accused of habitually calling 911 and hanging up is now facing charges in St. Johns County. Michael Reston, 38, was booked into the St. Johns County jail on what law enforcement calls a public order crime. Just before 2 a.m. Wednesday, St. Augustine Beach police officers were called out to the St. Augustine Beach pier to investigate a 911 hang up complaint. Dispatchers said they had received a 911 hang up from the same number just days prior. According to the police report, officers found Reston in his car and he admitted to calling 911 and not having an emergency. That’s when officers decided to look him up on their system. Officers say he previously made identical calls in Tampa, Port St. Lucie and St. Johns County. According to Tampa police, Reston called 911 approximately 200 times in two months. St. Augustine visitor Maurice Lafleur called it unacceptable. Call 911 is “an abuse of something that (is) better left for real emergencies,” Lafleur said. A Sheriff’s Office spokesperson said it’s not just illegal but also costly. Call centers are required to dispatch officers to make sure there’s no real emergency -- not to mention the potential of holding up the line for someone needing help. “If you abuse the system, it’s normal that you should be sanctioned for something,” Lafleur said. The report said Reston told deputies he had been sleeping in his car and wanted to talk with someone. He was issued a trespass warning and charged with misuse of 911, which is a misdemeanor punishable by up to one year in jail and/or a $1,000 fine.
From: Mila Re: Map site Dear DearWebby, You are probably preparing for your annual desert run and will be up to date on which mapping site is best nowadays. Don't worry, I'll be heading in the opposite direction, but would like to know what is best to use these days. Mila Dear Mila Due to insufficient funds, there won't be a desert run this year. Google maps is the lone leader. Nothing else comes within the same class. You can do 25 stops per map. Yahoo maps goes haywire at or before 10 stops, Mapquest can handle a lot of stops, but their fat blue line obliterating highway and road names makes it quite useless. MSN maps is the worst. With Google you can also use Google Earth. The interface between Google Earth and Google maps seems to be Microsoft inspired. Same company, but not fully compatible. You can step down from Google Earth to Google Maps by selecting printable version of your route, but you can't edit the map, step back up to Google Earth and expect the edit to show. It's strictly a one way relationship. If enough people get noisy about it, they will probably fix it, so that you can step back and forth. In summary: For route planning and printing: Google Maps is best. The overviews and printouts are quite readable while driving. For detail "homework", Google Earth is best. You can do fly-overs if you have an old version, embed links to pictures, articles, opening times, even hotel registration information. It's actually quite amazing what you can do with Google Earth. Have FUN! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Old words with new meanings... 1. Coffee: (n.) the person upon whom one coughs. 2. Flabbergasted: (adj.) appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained. 3. Abdicate: (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 4. Esplanade: (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk. 5. Willy-Nilly: (adj.) impotent. 6. Negligent: (adj.) absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown. 7. Lymph: (v.) to walk with a lisp. 8. Gargoyle: (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash. 9. Flatulence: (n.) emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller. 10. Balderdash: (n.) a rapidly receding hairline. 11. Testicle: (n.) a humorous question on an exam. 12. Rectitude: (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists. 13. Pokemon: (n.) a Rastafarian proctologist. 14. Oyster: (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms. 15. Frisbeetarianism: (n.) the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. 16. Circumvent: (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's marriage seminar. At a session, last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few, minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years. Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, "Well, I've a-tried to treat-a her nice, spend the money on her, but best is that I took-a her to Italy for the 20th anniversary!" The Priest responded, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary." Luigi proudly replied, "I'm a-gonna go to visit her!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Cooking Sausage Links Stick two toothpicks through three links of breakfast sausage before cooking. It makes them easy to flip over, they cook evenly and stay together in the pan or on your griddle. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Flashback - Remember the roadside diner?
___________________________________________________ Sam and Ruth from Maine had just bought a new car when winter just would not end this year. "I wonder if the car has seat warmers," Ruth said. "It sure does," said Sam, looking through the owner's manual. "Here it is: rear defrosters." ___________________________________________________ A tourist from the United States of America is at a restaurant in Havana. He tells the waiter that the USA is the best country in the world because of the freedoms it has. He says, "Take Freedom of Speech for example. I could stand in front of the White House in Washington D.C. and yell 'President Trump is a bastard!' and nothing would be done to me." The Cuban waiter replies, "We have that same freedom in Cuba. I could stand in front of El Capital and yell lies about Trump, and nothing would be done to me either!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A little boy came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said the boy, "I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons." "Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair." "I know, but I never thought he'd choose his big sister!" ___________________________________________________

Today February 3 in
1488 The Portuguese navigator Bartholomeu Diaz landed at Mossal
Bay in the Cape, the first European known to have landed on the
southern extremity of Africa. 

1690 The first paper money in America was issued by the
Massachusetts colony. The currency was used to pay soldiers that
were fighting in the war against Quebec. That way, if they were
killed, no real money was lost.

1783 Spain recognized the independence of the United States. 

1815 The world's first commercial cheese factory was established
in Switzerland. 

1862 Thomas Edison printed the "Weekly Herald" and distributed it
to train passengers traveling between Port Huron and Detroit, MI.
It was the first time a newspaper had been printed on a train. 

1869 Edwin Booth opened his new theatre in New York City. The
first production was "Romeo and Juliet". 

1900 In Frankfort, KY, gubernatorial candidate William Goebels
died from an assasin's bullet wounds. On August 18, 1900, Ex-Sec.
of State Caleb Powers was found guilt of conspiracy to murder
Gov. Goebels. 

1913 The 16th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. It
authorized the power to impose and collect income tax. 

1916 In Ottawa, Canada's original parliament buildings burned

1917 The U.S. broke off diplomatic relations with Germany, which
had announced a policy of unrestricted submarine warfare. 

1918 The Twin Peaks Tunnel began service. It was the longest
streetcar tunnel in the world at 11,920 feet. 

1941 In Vichy, France, the Nazis used force to restore Pierre
Laval to office. 

1945 Russia agreed to enter World War II against Japan, since the
end of WWII had become quite obvious.

1951 Dick Button won the U.S. figure skating title for the sixth

1966 The first rocket-assisted controlled landing on the Moon was
made by the Soviet space vehicle Luna IX. 

1969 At the Palestinian National Congress in Cairo, Yasser Arafat
was appointed leader of the PLO. 

1972 The first Winter Olympics in Asia were held at Sapporo,

1984 Challenger 4 was launched as the tenth space shuttle

1989 South African politician P.W. Botha unwillingly resigned
both party leadership and the presidency after suffering a

1998 Texas executed Karla Faye Tucker. She was the first woman
executed in the U.S. since 1984. 

1998 In Italy, a U.S. Military plane hit a cable causing the
death of 20 skiers on a lift. 

2009 Eric Holder was sworn in as attorney general. He was the
first African-American to hold the post. 

2010 The Alberto Giacometti sculpture L'Homme qui marche sold for
$103.7 million. 

2015 The British House of Commons voted to approve letting
scientist create babies from the DNA of three people. 

2019  smiled.

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Setting restore points 

Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, February 2

Thank you, Gordon!!!

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Florida girl,14, steals Pizza delivey car

Today, February 2 in
1892 William Painter patented the bottle cap. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them. --- Lily Tomlin (1939 - ) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, Joyce went to visit. 'May I see the new baby?' she asked. 'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.' Thirty minutes had passed, and Joyce asked, 'May I see the new baby now?' 'No, not yet,' She said. After another half hour elapsed, Joyce asked again, 'May I see the baby now?' 'No, not yet,' replied my friend. Growing very impatient, she asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?' 'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told her. 'WHEN HE CRIES?' Joyce demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?' 'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!' _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ While waiting her turn at the catalogue-order desk, my mother heard the clerk explain to a customer that their state-of-the-art computer would call him when his order came in. The man told her to leave a message on his answering machine if he wasn't home. The woman became flustered. "I'm sorry, sir," she replied, "but our computer won't talk to a machine." --------- Well, I don't accept robo calls. Click. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Josie Bigelow, 14, Leehigh Acres, Florida Florida girl stole Pizza Delivery vehicle Needing a ride to her boyfriend’s house, a Florida Girl yesterday ordered pizzas to a neighbor’s house and then popped out of some nearby bushes and stole the car driven by a Papa John’s deliveryman, police allege. As detailed in a police report, Josie Bigelow, 14, placed the phony food order early Wednesday to lure the victim to a street near her home in Lehigh Acres, a Fort Myers suburb. As the driver walked to the front door of a residence with pizza in hand, Bigelow emerged from some nearby woods and hopped into the 49-year-old deliveryman’s unlocked 2006 Ford Taurus. Bigelow was subsequently arrested about six miles from the heist scene, where investigators say she sought to ditch the hot wheels in a stranger’s driveway. Before getting collared, the girl twice escaped from a pursuing sheriff’s deputy. The teenager, seen above, was arrested around 3:15 AM for grand theft auto and booked into the local juvenile detention center (from which she was released after a few hours in custody). In an interview with a local TV station, Bigelow’s father said the juvenile “needs an ass whipping...That and jail.” Joseph Bigelow also told police that his daughter “has fallen in with a bad crowd” and mentioned “how bad her behavior had been recently. I wonder who taught her how to drive well enough to get away from the deputies twice, with am old Ford Taurus. For a 14 year old, that is quite amazing!
From: Sharon Re: Setting a restore point Dear DearWebby, I love your humor & beautiful pictures I have saved many & sent many on to others. Can you explain in simple terms for a "dummy" what it a restore point & how do I do one? Will Il lose all the current data such as saved mail, graphics etc? Should it be put on a disk for backup? Since I had the problem with the old pc I thought about doing one for this one. I'm not having any problems here now. Thanks for all your patience & helpful tips. Sharon Dear Sharon The restore point is just for Windows settings, and not for your data. All your data is perfectly safe. When everything is working just right, that is the time to make a restore point. If an experiment goes wrong, you can restore the system settings to that good restore point. Many people schedule restore points to be set automatically once per week. To set a System Restore Point... Open the Start menu Open the Programs menu Open the Accessories menu Open the System Tools menu Finally, start System Restore Pick the option for setting a System Restore Point and click on the Next button Fill in a name for the restore point so you can find it and click on the Create button Click on the Close button when done Have FUN! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Dr. Bloom was known for his miracle cures for arthritis. One day, his waiting room was full of people when in shuffles a little old lady, bent nearly double, leaning on her cane. When her name was called, she ambled into the patient visitation area and, amazingly, emerged less than thirty minutes later, walking completely upright, with her head held high. A woman who had seen the old lady come in to the office stood and approached her. "This is incredible!" she exclaimed. "You walked through that door bent in half, and now you're walking as straight and tall as a young woman! What kind of miracle did that doctor DO for you?" The old lady looks the woman in the eye and says, "Miracle, shmiracle ... he gave me a longer cane."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
>From Thor The generation gap proved glaringly obvious at the mail-order music company where my wife works as a customer service representative. Some college students, who were working part-time inputting customer information, wrote the following notes regarding some golden oldies: "Customer is looking for two song titles: 'Shovel Off Two Buffaloes' and 'Honey, Suck a Rose.'" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Hanging Linens To prevent creases when hanging linens from wire hangers, take a cardboard tube from a used up roll of paper towels and cut lengthwise. Then slip it over the wire hanger and apply tape where you cut the tube. Then you can rest your linens on the tube instead of the wire. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Best of the week "People are Awesome."
___________________________________________________ Here is a list of fake Universities supposedly used on McDonald's Applications ~Salsa Rancho College ~Reboot University ~Slick State University ~Innuendo Night College ~World Global University ~Sweet Dill Junior College ~North by Northeastern U. ~Kansas Pacific University ~Texas Aunt Em College ~University of California at Sunset ~Massachusetts Institute of Trees ~St. Cunnilingus Day School ~College of the Equator ~Pungent University of the West ~Shoe Fly Pie Academy ~Menthol State University ~Bay Rum Polytechnic University ~Yahoo College of Atlantis ~Exterior Latex School of Art ~Moon River Divinity School ~Clinica Veterinaria de Brazil ~Louisiana College of Dentistry & Dressmaking ~Uganda U. ~Hash Brown University ~Upstairs Downstairs on the Right College ~Simple Simian School of Tax Fraud ~Plagiarism Creative Writing College ~Degree Mill of Miami Beach ___________________________________________________ Soon after marriage, a lady's husband stopped wearing his wedding ring. She asked, "Why don't you ever wear your wedding band?" He replied, "It cuts off my circulation." She answered back, "It's supposed to!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A man requested Lynn, a locally well known painter, to paint him in the nude. "No" she said. "I don't do that sort of thing." "I'll increase your fee two times," he said. "No, no thanks!!" "I'll give five times as much as you normally get." "Okay," said Lynn, "but you have to let me at least wear my socks or a belt. I need somewhere to put my brushes." ___________________________________________________

Today February 2 in
1536 The Argentine city of Buenos Aires was founded by Pedro de
Mendoza of Spain. 

1653 New Amsterdam, now known as New York City, was incorporated.

1848 The Mexican War was ended with the signing of the Treaty of
Guadalupe Hidalgo. The treaty turned over portions of land to the
U.S., including Texas, New Mexico, Nevada, Utah, Arizona,
California and parts of Colorado and Wyoming. The U.S. gave
Mexico $15,000,000 and assumed responsibility of all claims
against Mexico by American citizens. Texas had already entered
the U.S. on December 29, 1845. 

1848 The first shipload of Chinese emigrants arrived in San
Francisco, CA. 

1863 Samuel Langhorne Clemens used a pseudonym for the first
time. He is better remembered by the pseudonym which is Mark

1870 The "Cardiff Giant" was revealed to be nothing more than
carved gypsum. The discovery in Cardiff, NY, was alleged to be
the petrified remains of a human. 

1878 Greece declared war on Turkey. 

1880 The S.S. Strathleven arrived in London with the first
successful shipment of frozen mutton from Australia. 

1887 The beginning of Groundhog Day in Punxsutawney, PA. 

1892 William Painter patented the bottle cap. 

1893 The Edison Studio in West Orange, NJ, made history when they
filmed the first motion picture close-up. The studio was owned
and operated by Thomas Edison. 

1897 The Pennsylvania state capitol in Harrisburg was destroyed
by fire. The new statehouse was dedicated nine years later on the
same site. 

1913 Grand Central Terminal officially opened at 12:01 a.m. Even
though construction was not entirely complete more than 150,000
people visited the new terminal on its opening day. 

1935 Leonard Keeler conducted the first test of the polygraph
machine, in Portage, WI. 

1943 During World War II, the remainder of Nazi forces from the
Battle of Stalingrad surrendered to the Soviets. Stalingrad has
since been renamed Volgograd. 

1945 U.S. President Roosevelt and British Prime Minister Winston
Churchill left for a summit in Yalta with Soviet leader Josef

1946 The first Buck Rogers automatic pistol was made. 

1962 The 8th and 9th planets aligned for the first time in 400

1971 Idi Amin assumed power in Uganda after a coup that ousted
President Milton Obote. 

1980 The situation known as "Abscam" began when reports surfaced
that the FBI had conducted a sting operation that targeted
members of the U.S. Congress. A phony Arab businessman was used
in the operation. 

1989 The final Russian armored column left Kabul, Afghanistan,
after nine years of military occupation and armed opposition by
CIA funded, armed and trained Taliban. 

1990 South African President F.W. de Klerk lifted a ban on the
African National Congress and promised to free Nelson Mandela. 

1999 19 people were killed at Luanda international airport when a
cargo plane crashed just after takeoff. 

1999 Hugo Chávez Frías took office. He had been elected president
of Venezuela in December 1998. 

2004 It was reported that a white powder had been found in an
office of Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. The CDC (Centers for
Disease Control and Prevention) later confirmed that the powder
was the poison ricin.

2019  smiled.

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Windows Update bug 

Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, February 1
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Today, February 1 in
1788 Isaac Briggs and William Longstreet patented the steamboat.
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made. --- Otto von Bismarck (1815 - 1898) According to Glamour magazine, 83 percent of women tell their friends secrets to their husbands. So women, if you tell your girlfriend something, 83 percent chance she will tell her husband. But the good news? One hundred percent of the men aren't listening anyway. --- Jay Leno Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. --- Mark Twain ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray. "And what will your third wish be?" The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?" "You have had two wishes already," the genie said, "but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left." "Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I've always wanted to understand women. I'd love to know what's going on inside their heads." "Funny," said the genie as it granted his wish and dis- appeared forever, "That was your first wish, too!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ An exterminating company was giving free termite inspections, and my dad phoned for an appointment. After the inspector checked out our house, he said to Dad, "You don't have any termites right now, but there's a bunch of 'em in that firewood out back. When they've eaten their way through it, I guarantee they'll head for your house." Dad was silent for a moment. Then, in his slow drawl, he replied, "Well, from the prices you quoted, I figure it would be cheaper for me just to buy the termites another cord of wood." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Stefan Ryan Shuford, Kernersville, North Carolina Man charged with thrusting face into buttocks of women A man faces charges after thrusting his face into the buttocks of multiple women in Kernersville, North Carolina, police reported. Stefan Ryan Shuford was arrested on multiple counts of assault on a female and sexual battery, according to a press release from Kernersville police. Police investigated three reports of a man inappropriately touching women on the 300, 900 and 1100 blocks of South Main Street area on Friday. He’s accused of sneaking up behind women and thrusting his face into their buttocks and licking their buttocks. Police say all incidents happened in areas where people were shopping. Shuford was identified as the suspect and was arrested and jailed in Forsyth County under a $50,000 secured bond.
From: Gordon Re: W7 Update bug Dear DearWebby, For the past couple of weeks, my computer keeps locking up and the only way to get it to start again is to power off/on. When I restart the computer, the message I get is “Windows 10 Update Failed – EError 8004004-40019”. I've tried Googling this error and it shows a registry entry to delete. However, that entry is not there. When I do the reboot, my computer runs fine until it seems to try this update again. Malwarebytes checks my system regularly and says everything is good. I'm running Windows 7 Professional and don’t really want to switch to Windows 10. Any suggestions I can try or is my only option to upgrade to Windows 10? Dear Gordon It's not a virus, unless you consider Microsoft Windows to be a virus. It seems to be a bug in their Update. Microsoft knows it is a bug, so that their "phone a Taliban" can tell you to downgrade to W10. However, since that bug has been around for almost 20 years, there IS a troubleshooter file online To run the troubleshooter, hit Start, search for “troubleshooting,” and then run the selection that search comes up with. In the Control Panel list of troubleshooters, in the “System and Security” section, click “Fix problems with Windows Update.” In the Windows Update troubleshooting window, click “Advanced.” There is more detailed info at How to Fix Windows Update When It Gets Stuck or Frozen Have FUN! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A minister got a call from the IRS asking about a member of his church. "He stated on his income tax return that he gave $3,000 to the church last year," said the IRS representative. "Is that correct?" "Well," said the pastor, "I don't have the records here but I'll say this. If he hasn't yet, he will!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what's wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "You're just a plain lazy old fart." "Thank You." said the man. "Now give me the Latin term, so that I can tell my wife!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Trash Can Lid Bird Bath You can make a bird bath with a metal trash can lid by turning it upside down and attaching it to the top of a pedestal. A short fence post works well for the pedestal It's easier to attach the lid if you hacksaw off the handle. Decorate the lid with paint. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
The shirk report for the weekend.
___________________________________________________ One day at the veterinarian's office where I take my cat, a man and the receptionist were verbally sparring. After a few moments a technician came to her co-worker's defense. "Sir...Do you know what happens to aggressive males in this office???" ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: Jill was discussing the various aspects and possible outcome of her insurance policy with the man at the insurance agency. During the discussion, she asked, "Suppose I take the life insurance for my husband today and tomorrow he dies. What will I get?" The agent eyed her suspiciously and replied, "Probably a life sentence." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says NO -- he only lives a mile away. About five blocks from the party, the police pull him over. They check his license and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house around the block. The police tell the party animal to stay put, they'll be right back and they run around the corner to the robbery. The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day. A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. Smith is there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been there all day. The police still have his driver's license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage. She opens the door. There sitting in the garage is the police car, with all its lights still flashing. True story; told by the driver at his first AA meeting! ___________________________________________________

Today February 1 in
1788 Isaac Briggs and William Longstreet patented the steamboat. 

1793 France declared war on Britain and Holland. 

1793 Ralph Hodgson patented oiled silk. 

1842 In New York City, the "City Despatch Post" began operations.
It was a private company that was the first to introduce adhesive
postage stamps in the western hemisphere. The company was bought
by the U.S. governemnt a few months laster and renamed "United
States City Despatch Post." 

1861 Texas voted to secede from the Union. 

1862 "The Battle Hymn of the Republic," by Julia Ward Howe was
first published in the "Atlantic Monthly." 

1867 In the U.S., bricklayers start working 8-hour days. 

1884 The first edition of the Oxford English Dictionary was

1893 Thomas A. Edison completed work on the world's first motion
picture studio in West Orange, NJ. 

1896 Puccini's opera "La Boheme" premiered in Turin. 

1898 The Travelers Insurance Company of Hartford, CT, issued the
first automobile insurance policy. Dr. Truman Martin of Buffalo,
NY, paid $11.25 for the policy, which gave him $5,000 in
liability coverage. 

1900 Eastman Kodak Co. introduced the $1 Brownie box camera. 

1913 Grand Central Terminal (also known as Grand Central Station)
opened in New York City, NY. It was the largest train station in
the world. 

1920 The first armored car was introduced. 

1920 Canada's Royal North West Mounted Police changed their name
to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. The organization was
commissioned in 1873. 

1921 Carmen Fasanella registered as a taxicab owner and driver in
Princeton, New Jersey. Fasanella retired November 2, 1989 after
68 years and 243 days of service. 

1929 Weightlifter Charles Rigoulet of France achieved the first
400 pound ‘clean and jerk’ as he lifted 402-1/2 pounds. 

1946 Norwegian statesman Trygve Lie was chosen to be the first
secretary-general of the United Nations. 

1951 The first telecast of an atomic explosion took place. 

1951 The first X-ray moving picture process was demonstrated. 

1958 The United Arab Republic was formed by a union of Egypt and
Syria. It was broken 1961. 

1960 Four black college students began a sit-in protest at a
lunch counter in Greensboro, NC. They had been refused service. 

1968 During the Vietnam War, South Vietnamese National Police
Chief Brig. Gen. Nguyen Ngoc Loan executed a Viet Cong officer
with a pistol shot to the head. The scene was captured in a news

1976 "Sonny and Cher" resumed on TV despite a real life divorce. 

1979 Patty Hearst was released from prison after serving 22
months of a seven-year sentence for bank robbery. Her sentence
had been commuted by U.S. President Carter. 

1979 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini was welcomed in Tehran as he
ended nearly 15 years of exile. 

1987 Terry Williams won the largest slot machine payoff, at the
time, when won $4.9 million after getting four lucky 7s on a
machine in Reno, NV. 

1991 A USAir jetliner crashed atop a commuter plane at Los
Angeles International Airport. 35 people were killed. 

1994 Jeff Gillooly pled guilty in Portland, OR, for his role in
the attack on figure skater Nancy Kerrigan. Gillooly, Tonya
Harding's ex-husband, struck a plea bargain under which he
confessed to racketeering charges in exchange for testimony
implicating Harding. 

1996 Visa and Mastercard announced security measures that would
make it safe to shop on the Internet. 

1999 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky gave a deposition
that was videotaped for senators weighing impeachment charges
against U.S. President Clinton. 

2001 Three Scottish judges found Abdel Basset al-Mergrahi guilty
of the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103, which killed 270
people. The court said that Megrahi was a member of the Libyan
intelligence service. Al-Amin Khalifa, who had been co-accused,
was acquitted and freed. 

2003 NASA's space shuttle Columbia exploded while re-entering the
Earth's atmosphere. All seven astronauts on board were killed.

2019  smiled.

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