Dear Webby: Beware of XP Antivirus08 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  September 7, 2008

Pay no attention to what the critics say; there has never been set up a statue in honor of a critic. --- Jean Sibelius
Thanks to Gloria for this classic: A 5 year old's first job... Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond Formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some Construction workers that will make you believe That we all can make a difference when we give A child the gift of our time. A young family moved into a house, next to a Vacant lot. One day, a construction crew began To build a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an Interest in the goings-on and spent much of Each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them 'gems-in-the-rough,' more or less, adopted her As a kind of project mascot. They chatted with Her during coffee and lunch breaks and gave her Little jobs to do here and there to make her feel Important. At the end of the first week, they even Presented her with a pay envelope containing ten Dollars. The little girl took this home to her Mother who suggested that she take her ten Dollars 'pay' she'd received to the bank the next Day to start a savings account. When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the Teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl How she had come by her very own pay check at Such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, 'I worked last week with a real construction crew Building the new house next door to us.' 'Oh my goodness gracious,' said the teller, 'and will You be working on the house again this week, too?' The little girl replied, 'I will, if those a*******es at Home Depot ever deliver the f _ ckin' sheet rock.'
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Fabricant, 58, of Staffordshire, England Not worth a ransom Amy Beeman - AHN London, England (AHN) -- A British politician had a scare recently when armed Colombian soldiers mistakenly took his powdered coffee-mate to be raw cocaine. Michael Fabricant, 58, who represents the Staffordshire constituency of Lichfield and Burntwood, was on a trekking vacation in South America when he and his friend ran into a group of soldiers in the jungle. The gun-wielding militants searched their belongings and found an unlabeled jar of powdered coffee creamer. Fabricant told reporters he tried to explain what it was, but spoke very little Spanish. So the soldiers, armed with M16 rifles forced Fabricant to eat several spoonfuls of the white substance. Ingesting large quantities of raw cocaine is poisonous and can cause death. While Fabricant told the press he felt ill from so much of the powder, the fact that he didn't show any signs of sickness convinced the group of militants that the substance was not cocaine, and they allowed Fabricant and his friend to continue their hike. Fabricant said he brought the powdered creamer because he wasn't sure what the quality of milk would be in Colombia. Apparently they realized it would be hopeless trying to get a ransom for somebody like him.
One morning the door-bell rang. The weather was very bad. It was raining cats and dogs. I opened the door and there stood a young lady, a Jehovah's Witness, soaking wet. I felt sorry for her and invited her in the house for a cup of coffee and to dry off a little. As we were drinking our coffee, I asked what her ' happy message ' was. I thought we might discuss some minor or major differences of believes or interpretation, but, she stuttered and said: ..."I'm not sure....I never got this far before...!"
Tom had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present. "Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?" Five small and sad voices answered in unison. "Okay, dad, you get the toy."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Trish Re: Antivirus 2008 Dear Webby, HELP!!!!! My computer seems to have been affected by something. The only thing I've done recently is update my Microsoft messenger. Since then I have balloon pop ups continuously saying my XP Antivirus 2008 is inactive or threats detected or some critical files have been . . . . .etc etc. If I click on the balloon it wants me to register 'and pay I think for XP Antivirus 2008, doesn't look like a 'proper' windows update site, similar but not the same. How do I get rid of this or at least stop it. I have Trend PC-Cillin Internet Security which tells me all is well, it came with the computer. I will be going back to AVG when time is up and that's soon. Thanks a lot if you have any answers Trish Dear Trish XP Antivirus 2008 is a trojan infection. Yep, your computer is not under your control any more. Some guy in Russia controls it now. XP antivirus 2008 is actually quite evil shit, and according to what I read, not that easy to get rid off. It has been around for a long time and all but the very worst anti-virus programs block it from coming onto your computer via that fake MSN update. There is a fair bit of information about it on the net: XP Antivirus 2008 By the way, since you paid for Trend Micro PC-Cillin, I would screech a hostile temper tantrum at them and make them step you through removing it. Have FUN! DearWebby Hello again I really am worried now about the previouse email I sent re 'XP Antivirus 2008', I can't go to any website as "I am not covered by XP Antivirus 2008 and it may be dangerous to my computer". Thanks again if you can shed some light on this problem. Trish Dear Trish Sounds like the hackers that control your computer now are busy using your computer for a DDOS attack, and don't want you to slow them down. 1) Get the support number for Trend Micro 2) Screech a temper tantrum at them 3) Get them to step you through the process of getting rid of that infection, that they failed to protect you from 4) Un-install TrendMicro 5) Get McAfee Virus Scan for about $30 a YEAR or any decent protection in that class. Have FUN! DearWebby

Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over lunch. "I do wish that my John would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous." My Fred used to do the same thing," the other woman replied. "But I broke him of the habit." "Really, how?" asked the first woman. "Easy, I hid his teeth."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Herbs to Prevent Insects Some herbs can help prevent insects from damaging other plants. For example, anise and coriander discourage aphids. Contact your local nursery or agricultural college extension to find out which herbs will work best in your area. Visit ThriftyFun For More Green Living Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Green%20Living_441.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:  

There are three truths in religion: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.... 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christians 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
Interesting facts about Obama and Palin

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: The Hubble Site - The Entire Collection
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Yahoo's wide format 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  September 6, 2008

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty. --- Sacha Guitry When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. -- Thomas Szasz
Thanks to Sandie for tis: The computer in my high school classroom recently started acting up. After watching me struggle with it, one of my students came up and took over. "Your hard drive crashed," he said. I called the computer services office and explained, "My computer is down. The hard drive crashed." "We can't just send people down on your say so. How do you know that's the problem?" "A student told me," I answered. "We'll send someone over right away."
Thanks to Dad for sending these pictures of his Peruvianus: evening night morning In winter this cactus is in his breakfast nook, that is why he has to keep sawing it off at 7 foot height.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Metro Hotel, in Woking, England Sent in by Linda Wounded Soldier Forced to Sleep in Car After Hotel Denies Him a Room A wounded British soldier home from Afghanistan on sick leave was forced to spend the night in his car after a hotel refused him a room. Corporal Tomos Stringer was told by staff at Metro Hotel, in Woking, that it was company policy to not accept members of the armed forces as guests. The 24-year-old had traveled to the Surrey town to help with funeral preparations for a friend killed in action. It was so late that Cpl Stringer, who had broken his wrist jumping off an Army truck as it was attacked, had no choice but to sleep in his tiny, two-door car, arm covered in plaster. Cpl Stringer, of 13 Air Assault Support Regiment, The Royal Logistic Corps, has now returned to Afghanistan, but his mother, Gaynor Stringer, from Criccieth, north Wales, told The Times that she is still furious about the incident. “I’m very, very angry. It’s discrimination. They would never get away with it if it was against someone of ethnic origin,” she said. She said they had received neither an apology nor an explanation from the hotel, which is part of a family entertainment center called The Big Apple and owned by a company called American Amusements. "In America, they treat soldiers as heroes,” said Stringer, whose son joined the Army when he was 16 and has done multiple tours of duty in Iraq, Northern Ireland and Afghanistan. ---------------- In America, or Canada, there would be roaring thunder from a hundred or more half ton Harleys of the Patriot Riders, and local reporters interviewing any potential hotel customers as to why they would want to stay at a hotel that bans injured soldiers. Even though a lot of us don't agree with the war or how it is conducted, we DO respect the soldiers. Deep down inside many of us realize that, quite possibly, those soldiers are not just keeping the ball and the action in the enemy's zone, but actually might be practising how to protect our precious hide, just in case it comes to that.
A country club didn't allow women on the golf course. Eventually, there was enough pressure that they decided to allow women on the course during the week. The ladies were satisfied with this arrangement, formed a women's club and became very active. After about 6 months, the club board received a letter from the women's club complaining about the men, urinating on the golf course. Naturally, they just ignored the matter. After another 6 months, they received another letter reminding them of the previous letter and demanding action. After due deliberation they sent the women a letter advising them that they had been granted equal privileges!
"The attractive man I met last night insists he just wants to be friends." the girl told her maiden Aunt. "Now I know what to do with a lover, but, what the heck do I do with a 'friend'?" The wise old lady smiled and said, "The same as with your lover, dearie, only not quite so often."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eddie Re: Wide Format Dear Webby, So what's up with the extra wide screen version? Have a great day..... Eddie Dear Eddie If you are referring to the way the new Yahoo screws up mail on Internet Explorer, try using FireFox as your browser. Or Opera, or Google Chrome. From what I hear, all other browsers interprete HTML newsletters OK. Have FUN! DearWebby

Keli got up late and was rushing to get ready for church. She ran frantically around her house, tore through her closet, threw her clothes on over her head and ran out the door to her car. When she arrived at the church, she saw a man coming towards her. "Tell me," she panted in her southern drawl, "Is mass out?" "No, ma'am" the man replied, "but yer hat's on crooked."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Your Spouse and Your Credit Score If your spouse has bad credit habits, it could affect your credit as well. Even a divorce will not necessarily eliminate negative marks against your credit since you may be held accountable for any joint accounts and shared debt. Visit Thrifty Fun For More Credit Rating Advice http://www.thriftyfun.com/Budget%20and% ... 2_453.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

John, a 72 year-old man went to the Doctor to get a physical. A few months later the Dr. saw John walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. A couple of days later the Dr. talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" John replied, "Just doing what you said Doctor, "Get a hot mamma and be cheerful." The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful." "Too late!" John replied.
Interesting facts about Palin and Obama

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: 100 ugliest cars
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Google Chrome Browser 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  September 5, 2008
Today is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

Education is a state-controlled manufactory of echoes. --- Norman Douglas Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature. --- Tom Robbins
Thanks to Dave for this story: The children begged for a hamster, and after the usual fervent vows that they alone would care for it, they got one. They named it Danny. Two months later, when Mom found herself responsible for cleaning and feeding the creature, she located a prospective new home for it. The children took the news of Danny's imminent departure quite well, though one of them remarked, "He's been around here a long time. We'll miss him." "Yes," Mom replied, "But he's too much work for one person, and since I'm that one person, I say he goes." Another child offered, "Well, maybe if he wouldn't eat so much and wouldn't be so messy, we could keep him." But Mom was firm. "It's time to take Danny to his new home now," she insisted. "Go and get his cage." With one voice and in tearful outrage the children screameded, "Danny? We thought you said Daddy!"
Thanks to Patti for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andres Tamm, Estonia Sent in by Arturas Two Estonian farms establish 'Soviet republic,' seek recognition ST. PETERSBURG, September 3 (RIA Novosti) - Two farms in north-east Estonia have joined forces to declare an independent "Soviet republic" and intend to seek Russia's recognition, a Russian communist organization said on Wednesday. "We no longer want to live in bourgeois Estonia, where nobody cares about the common people...with raging unemployment and corruption, and where everything depends on NATO and the Americans," Russian communists from St Petersburg, who are assisting the 'republic,' quoted its founder, Andres Tamm, as saying. Residents and founders of the 'Estonian Soviet Socialist Republic' have already formed a national 'Soviet government,' a police force, and have begun demarcating the state's borders. Meanwhile, residents of the republic claim that the "bourgeois" Estonian government has sent a "squad of relatives of Estonian Nazi SS veterans" to regain control over the breakaway territory. The republic is currently drafting a treaty of friendship with Russia to be submitted to the Russian president in the next few days. Estonia is a former Soviet republic and a current member of both NATO and the EU. http://en.rian.ru/world/20080903/116519145.html
"Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?" The father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't be right." "That's okay," replied Little Johnny, "Sometimes I get it wrong too. Just give it a try, couldn't you?"
A visitor asked a West Texas cowboy, "Doesn't it ever rain out here?" The cowboy replied, "Sure. There was a half-inch of rain a couple of weeks ago just a few miles north of here, but I was too busy and couldn't go." The wind blows so hard out in West Texas that at a drive-in theater it once blew Gene Autry right out of the saddle." It was so dry that the Baptists were sprinkling, the Methodists were spitting, and the Catholics were giving rain checks. A visitor to Amarillo asked a local rancher, "How do you stand the wind blowing every single day?" The rancher said, "You just have to get used to it - learn to lean into it. In fact, one day last fall the wind stopped blowing all of a sudden, and all the chickens in the panhandle plumb fell over."
Thanks to Don for this insight on the Yahoo email problem: Dear Webby, A tip I thought might interest you for your readers. I'm a pseudo Yahoo subscriber - I was with Prodigy way back when Big Al invented the internet, and Prodigy eventually got bought out by Yahoo, so I still have the Prodigy e-mail address but its under Yahoo's control. I know I should drop Prodigy/Yahoo, but I have so much tied to that address I just figure its easier to stay since everything works using Firefox. I noticed that many of you readers complained recently that they were getting a blank Webby letter, but I never had a problem and attributed it to having the Prodigy address. Well, this week I had to take a business trip and use the office laptop which has IE6. When I logged into my account - the Webby letter was blank! I'm back home now and I may have found a helpful tip, you see, as I mentioned, at home I use Firefox as my browser and I see the letter just fine. So I started up IE6 on my home PC and sure enough - blank letter. Looks like its some kind of IE6/Yahoo problem that causes the blank letter. Just thought you might like to know. Keep up the great work, been reading and voting for years and enjoy it every day. Don From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: Google Chrome browser Dear Webby, when I clicked on Google last evening, it said download Chrome BETA for a new browser from Google. Is this a good idea? I always respect your advice. Thanks, Carolyn Dear Carolyn The Google Chrome browser is quite OK. You don't HAVE to use it, but you are welcome to try it. It's Beta Test Version 0.2, sorta "Let's run it up the flagpole and see if they salute it or shoot it." So far it looks and acts like a no frills heavy duty Industrial browser. It is fast and works well. Might take a bit of getting used to, since they put stuff where you had wanted it to be, but never got until now, like edge tabs on the top edge. AND, Google Chrome is totally voluntary. You don't have to install a blocker to prevent it from being slithered into your computer against your will. Have FUN! DearWebby

Elizabeth was surprised to receive ten dollars from her Aunt for her birthday. The Aunt asked how she was going to spend it. "I'm taking it to Sunday School and giving it to God." the little girl replied. "He's gonna crap his drawers with surprise over not getting a dollar like usual."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Avocado Peels When peeling an avocado, leave a little fruit on the inside of the avocado skin and use it to scrub your face. The peel with help remove dead skin and avocado fruit makes a great moisturizer. Let it sit for 5 to 10 minutes and then rinse it off. Visit Thrifty Fun For More Beauty Recipes Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

On a military training exercise, the British divisional command radio operators were getting very bored one quiet night, when breaking the silence a voice asked over the air, "Are there any friendly bears listening?" After a moment, another voice replied, "Yes, I'm a friendly bear," and then another voice, "I'm a friendly bear too!" At this point, the Officer at Headquarters grabbed his microphone and let loose a blistering tirade at the operators for fooling around on a radio link. When he had finished, there was silence for about ten seconds. Then a voice said, "He's not a very friendly bear. Let's go to the secret frequency!" None of them knew what the secret frequency was, so they went to sleep. But the British Government is still trying to find it.
Interesting facts about Palin and Obama

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Awesome Cake Art
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Yahoo and Skype problem 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  September 4, 2008
Tomorrow is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

Genius is only great patience. --- Buffon
A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a shotgun. "It's for my husband," she tells the clerk. "Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asks the clerk. And she says, "Are you kidding? He doesn't even know yet that I'm going to shoot him!"
Thanks to DIchord for this picture: Sometimes it gets hot in Calif.'s Central Valley DIchord
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andrea Raninger, Vieanna, Austria Top cop's car stolen Austria's top police officer is fuming after thieves made off with her official car - parked right outside her house. Andrea Raninger, head of the country's Federal Criminal Police, had to report the $36,000 Toyota RAV4 stolen to her own officers. She had been set to leave her home in Vienna for work when she discovered it was missing. A police source said: "It is one of the most embarrassing incidents that could happen to the police force. Either someone targeted her especially because she is the top cop, or it was just a random car theft. "In either case it's one of the worst bits of PR the force can possibly have. They can't even protect themselves from thieves, let alone the general public." -------- Considering the neighborhood, she should have parked it in the garage.
Thanks to Noella for this: Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people the world over are asking! Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. (They have also appeared in thr Humor Letter before) Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (England ) A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die. Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA ) A: Depends on how much you've been drinking. Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden ) A: So it's true what they say about Swedes. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy) A: Let's not touch this one. Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax ? (England) A: What did your last slave die of? Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA) A: Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked. Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA ) A: Face towards the US and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll tell you about East and West. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (England ) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA ) A: Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany ) A: No, WE don't stink. You better bring some along for yourself. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada? (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA ) A: Only at Thanksgiving. Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent. They roam the city streets eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. Spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking will scare them off. Q: Does everybody in Banff speak Japanese? A: No, the elk, that roam the streets, only speak Canadian, eh! Q: Do the Mounties still ride around on horses and carry mammoth tusk clubs? A: Only during riots, G8 conferences, mud wrestling championships and hippo races. Q: I heard about submarine races at Lost Lagoon in Vancouver. When do they have them? A: Most evenings as soon as it gets dark. You can also park at Stanley Park across the street. Q: Do the guys still smoke at Hooters in Calgary? A: No, the girls were told to slow down.
A young minister sitting down to dinner, was about to say the blessing when he opened the casserole dish that his thrifty bride had prepared from countless refrigerator leftovers. "I don't know," he said dubiously. "It seems to me that I have blessed all this stuff before."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bill Re: Yahoo Mail problem Dear Webby I have been a regular Dear Webby fan for several years now - as of today, 9/3 - everything comes up but the letter -- I have no idea why, nor what to do about it - nothing has changed that I am aware of in the configuation of the computer -- I had to have it stripped recently and re-installed, then I re=installed avast!, I have tried to re-install my Skype line, and it does not let me sign on - so something is amiss - but I wasstill getting your mail just fine through Sunday - did not look at the mail yesterday, but both monday and tuesday were blank. Thanks Bill Dear Bill Have you ever overheard people calling you "that silly yahoo" and snicker behind your back? Pretending that sbcglobal is not yahoo is not helping you. You received your Humor Letter quite OK, but because of a screw-up in the current Yahoo system, they won't let you see it until you hit REPLY. They want to make it look to others as if you got proper mail. As I have told thousands of yahoos, you have a choice: Either hit REPLY or FORWAD and threaten to show others how messed up Yahoo is or get some decent email service. Re Skype: I used the Google search in the top of the Humor Letter that you replied with. It worked fine, proving that you did get it 100% OK. Well, anyway, there is no mention anywhere of anything related to the new Yahoo interfering with Skype. Most likely the problem is a security setting in your Avast. I am not familiar with Avast, but most likely you will find a way to OK Skype and allow it. I have used Skype for about half a dozen years now, since it's early Beta, and have never come across that problem. Have FUN! DearWebby

A traffic cop pulls over a guy who has had one drink too many. "Where do you think you're going at this hour of the morning?" the officer asks. "Offischer," the man slurs, while envisioning his waiting wife, "I'm going to a lecture."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Your Home When Traveling When you are on vacation, your home is susceptible to burglary. One trick is to create the illusion that you are home by putting a few lights on a timer. Program the individual lights to turn on for a while each night. Also have someone check that mail, newspapers, or packages aren't piling up. Visit ThriftyFun For More Home Safety Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Better%20Livi ... _4771.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

President Calvin Coolidge, who was notorious for his reluctance to talk. One Sunday he went to church by himself, and when he returned to the White House, his wife asked, "Was the sermon good?" "Yes," the President told her. "What was it about?" she asked. "Sin." "What did the minister say?" "He seems to be against it." ------------------- That reminds me: Interesting facts about Palin and Obama

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Fiery" target="_blank" >http://tinyurl.com/FireyFlowers">Fiery Flowers
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: msconfig and regedit blocked 



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Good Morning,  !
It's wednesday,  September 3, 2008

It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer. — Albert Einstein Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty. --- Mark Twain
Thanks to Sandie for this story: I was setting up a large, cast aluminum, decorative sundial in my yard that I had purchased from a garden catalog. A neighbor, an old Florida fellow, was leaning on the fence watching my progress and asked, "What the heck's that for?" I explained, "It's a sundial. See, the sun will hit that small triangular spike and cast a shadow on the face of the sundial. Then, as the sun moves across the sky, the shadow moves across the dial here, so that a person can read off the correct time." My neighbor shook his head and muttered, "Huh, what will they think of next?!"
Thanks to Kate for this picture: Even wildlife is now just sitting around waiting for the government to take care of them. The Democrats have gotten to even them! Kate
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Emmanuel Uzowihe, 21, Atlanta, Georgia Baggy pants trip up fleeing suspect ATLANTA (UPI) -- An Atlanta man trying to escape from police tripped and fell as he tried to hold his baggy pants up, officers said. Emmanuel Uzowihe, 21, allegedly pointed a gun at the police officers as he lay on the ground, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported. He was shot and wounded. The incident near the Fulton County Courthouse began when police tried to pull Uzowihe over because of a traffic violation. He allegedly stopped his white Toyota sedan but jumped out and ran away. Anthony Gentile, a police investigator, said an officer followed Uzowihe, ordering him several times to stop. Darrell Jackson said he saw Uzowihe run past, cursing. Other witnesses and police said Uzowihe already allegedly had his gun out while he was running. "He was running pretty fast," Jackson said. "The only thing that messed him up is he was trying to pull his pants up."
My dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband?" And she said, "I do." Then the minister asked my dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife?" And mom said, "He does."
What are the three types of men? Those who communicate Those who care and those who aren't broke.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jerome Re:msconfig access problem Dear Webby There are also 5 different Trojans that prevent opening the msconfig box too. I’d bet he has one of them. And they are a booger to clean too. Jerome Daniher Dear Jerome Some searching on Google turned up some info that may be helpful: http://www.techspot.com/vb/topic18481.html Have FUN! DearWebby

What should you do if your boyfriend starts smoking? Slow down.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preparing for Disaster Create a plan so that your family will be prepared in the case of a disaster. The US Department of Homeland Security offer a free downloadable plan in PDF format. Click here to download the Family Disaster Plan http://www.ready.gov/family_plan.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Two friends meet on the street after not having seen each other for some time. One of them is using crutches. "What's the matter with you?" asks his friend. "Bus accident," says the man on crutches. "When did that happen?" "About six weeks ago." "And you still have to use crutches?" the friend asks. "Well," says the man, "my doctor says I could get along without them, but my lawyer says I can't."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: The" target="_blank" >http://www.silk-road.com/artl/silkhisto ... ot;>The story of silk
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Spybot protecting admin 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  September 2, 2008

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. --- Walter Bagehot
Thanks to Roland for this story: My bathroom is in the back of the house and it's hard to hear when anyone is on the property. One morning while getting ready for work, and thinking I was the only one at home, I kept hearing something crawl around under my bathroom floor. Thinking that somehow the neighbor's cat had gotten under the house, I began stomping the floor hard and shouting at the top of my lungs, "Get out of there!" and "Stop that!" Finally, the moving stopped so I finished what I was doing and left for work. When I returned home that evening, I found a note that the exterminators had been there for their annual inspection. I turned to my husband and said, "Honey, do the exterminators crawl around under the house?" He said, "Sure, why?" That's when I burst out laughing. It took me several minutes to tell my husband what I had done. He cracked up at the thought of me standing in the bathroom stomping and shouting, and he said, "It's a good thing he didn't answer you back or you would have keeled over dead!"
Thanks to Joanne for this picture: Dear Webby, Another photo for your consideration. I still haven't learned to correct the size of my photos, but am hoping you will work your magic! Joanne
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lorenzo Earl Knight. 22. of Tampa, Florida Sent in by Sandie Dirty Mistake A suspected car burglar in Tampa made a dirty mistake when he hid out inside a Port-O-Let. Tampa Police say 22-year-old Lorenzo Earl Knight broke into two cars Saturday. One of the owners fought Knight and chased him to a nearby construction site. Knight tried to hide in the Port-O-Let, but when the victim found him, he overturned the toilet, dumping huge amounts of human waste on Knight. Knight has been charged with auto burglary and possession of burglary tools. Information from: St. Petersburg Times, http://www.sptimes.com
John was grocery shopping with Jill, and he tossed a bag of chips into the cart. "You don't need those!" Jill chided. "What about those twenty chocolate bars you have in there?" John asked. "IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH!" screamed Jill. "Of course, Honey!", replied John, as he took out the bag of chips and piled a double handful more chocolate bars into the cart.
Thanks to Bill for this: My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It's titled: "Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ron Re:Admin problem Hi Webby I need your help again. I have a 1 year old computer w/ Win. XP as of late when I go to startup via run- msconfig I get an error message as follows. [ An access denied error was returned while attempting to change a service.You may need to log on using an administrator account to make specified changes] This is new to me since I have been using msconfig for years and never saw this message before. I do not know how to use log on as administrator since I have never used that feature on the last 3 computers. What can I do to get rid of this error. I use Crapcleaner, Spybot, Lavasoft and Avg. So I think I am pretty clean. By the way I got all those progs. from your tips. Thanks + RON P Dear Ron Are you using Spybot to block system changes, even from within ? You may have to take the checkmark off that. Have FUN! DearWebby

A burglar entered the house of a Quaker and proceeded to rob it. The Quaker heard the noise and took his shotgun downstairs. Upon finding the burglar he aimed his gun and said gently, "Friend, I mean thee no harm, but thou standest where I am about to shoot."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clutter Control: Newspaper, Magazines and Junk Mail Recycle junk mail as soon as you get it to keep it from piling up. Be sure to shred all credit card offers. Recycle newspapers weekly and magazines at least monthly. When the magazine rack is full, you know it's time to get rid of them. Click here for more ThriftyFun clutter control tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Organizing_Cl ... 9_680.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

If Biblical Headlines were written by today's liberal media ------------------------------------------- On Red Sea crossing: WETLANDS TRAMPLED IN LABOR STRIKE Pursuing Environmentalists Killed On David vs. Goliath: HATE CRIME KILLS BELOVED CHAMPION Psychologist Questions Influence of Rock On Elijah on Mt. Carmel: FIRE SENDS RELIGIOUS RIGHT EXTREMIST INTO FRENZY 400 Killed On the birth of Christ: HOTELS FULL, ANIMALS LEFT HOMELESS Animal Rights Activists Enraged by Insensitive Couple On feeding the 5,000: PREACHER STEALS CHILD'S LUNCH Disciples Mystified Over Behavior On healing the 10 lepers: LOCAL DOCTOR'S PRACTICE RUINED "Faith Healer" Causes Bankruptcy On healing of the Gadarene demoniac: MADMAN'S FRIEND CAUSES STAMPEDE Local Farmer's Investment Lost On raising Lazarus from the dead: FUNDAMENTALIST PREACHER RAISES A STINK Will Reading to be Delayed
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Dear Webby: Slow Windows start 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  September 1, 2008
Labor Day!

"Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body." --- Seneca "Excellence in any department can be attained only by the labor of a lifetime; it is not to be purchased at a lesser price." --- Samuel Johnson
"I see you went crazy at the big summer clearance sale," Wanda comments, as she looks at all the bags of merchandise her friend, Carol just brought home from the store. "You got that right ... I almost bought their elevator 'cause it was marked down."
Thanks to Monique and Leviithecat for this picture: My friend is a wonderful photographer and I thought you might like to add this one to your HumorWebby page? Doesn't it look like a plant that's on fire?! We don't know what it's called I'm afraid. All best wishes Monique and Leviithecat!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 15 year old boy in Palm Bay, Florida Police cite computer rage in teen's arrest PALM BAY, Fla. (UPI) -- Police in Florida say a 15-year-old boy flew into a rage, attacking his mother and older brother over changes made to the family computer. Palm Bay police investigators said the teenager became angry after learning of the computer privilege changes and chased his mother with a knife, pushing her repeatedly before striking his older brother with a sugar cane, WKMG-TV in Orlando reported Tuesday. The teenager, who allegedly told police he had felt threatened by his mother and brother, was taken to the Juvenile Detention Center in Sharpes Sunday. He was charged with aggravated assault and battery and is not likely to have any computer privileges in the near future.
A scientist found, to his great surprise, that he was lactose intolerant (unable to digest milk sugar). At dinner that night with his two young daughters (age 9 and 4 years), he mentioned that he had found out that he was lactose intolerant and tried to explain to them what that meant. A couple of months later, he took the kids to a local restaurant for a quick breakfast before shopping. The place was very busy, but the quality of the food and service were obviously not up to par. When they finally got their breakfast, his youngest daughter took a look at her father's omelet and burnt toast and declared very loudly to the waitress "My Daddy can't eat that toast, he is black toast intolerant."
A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly. The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France." The new man asked, "What happened?" "One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re:Slow start-up Good Afternoon Webby, My computer boots up slowly. I have run crap cleaner, defraged, ran my McAfee to be sure everything was clean... I only very few icons on the right bottom of my screen. I think these are at start up... (email icon; on-line icon; volume icon). I don't know if any of this will help you...I don't understand all of it, but it may give you a clue to something. I have a Dell Dimension 8400 Series, Intel Pentium 4 Processor 550 at 400 MHz I run XP Professional; service Pack 2 Total physical memory 3.072 MB Available physical memory 2.42 GB Total Vertual memory 2 GB Available virtual memory 1.96 GB Do I need to upgrade something? You've helped me so many times before, I just don't get why the computer has slowed down at start up. Many thanks, Carol Dear Carol That set-up looks OK. About the only change I would recommend is to increase the virtual memory to double the size of the physical memory. You can check and weed out the programs that are called by the Start-Up: Click on Start then Run. In the Open box, type msconfig.exe and hit Enter. Once displayed, click on the "Startup" tab. You will see a list of items in the StartUp. Take the checkmarks off any that look suspicious or frivolous. The programs will still work, they just won't be pre-loaded during start-up. Have FUN! DearWebby

A man drove his secretary home from a late afternoon get-together of coworkers because she was drunk and unable to drive. Since nothing happened along the way between the two, the man decided not to mention the secretary to his wife. Later that evening while the man was taking the wife to a movie, he noticed a high-heeled shoe under the passenger seat. So, he asked her to watch out her window for a parking spot close to the theater. While she was busy looking, he picked up the shoe and tossed it out of his window. When they arrived at the theater and were about ready to get out of the car, his wife asked, "Sweetie, have you seen my other shoe?

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Money On Clothing When buying clothing for you or your children, try to avoid dry clean only clothing, especially when buying clothing that you plan to wear regularly. It can cost between 5 and 20 dollars for professional dry cleaning which quickly adds up. Read more tips on saving money on clothing at ThriftyFun by clicking here Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks too Sandie for this: Seen in the parking lot of a brand new department store, painted on the ground at a crosswalk in letters four feet tall: YELD. Close, but not close enough. The next week, I drove through the same parking lot and found it was changed. They had painted an I between the existing letters. Now, it read: YEILD. About two months later, they finally fixed it. The old lettering was painted over with black and freshly painted on top of that was the word STOP.

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Gigantic City Structures
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Pirated XP 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  August 31, 2008

Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld The average person thinks he isn't. --- Father Larry Lorenzoni
A minister opening his mail one morning takes a sheet of paper from an envelope and finds written on it only one word: "FOOL." The next Sunday he announces, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgotten to sign their names. But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name but forgot to write a letter."
Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture: Goin' to church
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a man named Xu in Fuqing City, China Divine lightning reaction? A Chinese man who swore to God that he didn't owe money to a neighbour was hit by lightning a minute later. The man, named Xu, made the oath in front of a crowd of neighbours in Fuqing city, reports Southeast Express. He vowed that he had never borrowed money from Mr Huang, who claimed Xu borrowed 500 yuan, the equivalent of $75, from him three years earlier. "He borrowed 500 yuan three years ago from me for a friend's marriage gift, but he has denied it ever since then," said Huang, who went to Xu's home to demand payment. "I told him that if he dared to swear to God that he didn't owe me the money, then I would waive his debt," said Huang. Xu made the oath, but was suddenly struck by lightning a minute later. He was immediately taken to hospital where doctors confirmed he had been hit by lightning. He is expected to make a full recovery. ------------------- That sure would revolutionize election cmpaigns if we could get that happening here!
A woman had gained a few pounds. It was most noticeable to her when she squeezed into a pair of her old blue jeans. Wondering if the added weight was noticeable to everyone else, she asked her husband, "Honey, do these jeans make me look like the side of the house?" "No, dear, not at all," he replied, "Our house isn't blue."
A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters' place. They put up a big bold sign which read: "WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!" Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign: "WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sandra Re:Pirated XP Dear Webby, Additionally, Microsoft when it does updates adds a tracking system that will not allow you to get some updates, it has also in the past set a balloon in your icon tray by the clock to annoy the illegal users. There is a way to disable that too. You know I had an illegal copy when my system was built for me. You also know that I went out and purchased a legal XP when I could afford it after 3 years. ... Just thought I would pass this along too. In my opinion, I think they are not concerned of the past items, but are after the big fish that sell the pirated versions. I would not want to try and run an unlicensed copy in a business these days. Lots of people cannot afford the legal version, that is the sad truth, so they opt for free or cheaper copies of software. At least you have given them a way to get around it with the suggestion of the Linux system. Have a good day... Sandra Dear Sandra Yes, especially for a business it is not a good idea at all to use a pirated XP. Even though it may work quite OK, sooner or later some employee will brag or complain about it. Have FUN! DearWebby

It was Little Johnny's first day in a new school, so his father looked up the teacher. He told her that Little Johnny was a good kid but that he was a hell of a gambler. He warned her that Little Johnny might win lunch money from the other kids if he was not watched closely. The teacher did not seem disturbed, she assured the father that she had handled many such problems and was very capable of taking care of Little Johnny's urge to gamble. Shortly after lunch, Little Johnny's father called the teacher and asked her how things were going. "Oh, everything is going very well," she said, "I think I may have cured Little Johnny of his gambling habit." The father asked her what had happened. "Little Johnny absolutely insisted on betting me ten dollars that I had a mole on my rear," she said, "I finally agreed to the bet and took him to the teacher's lounge to show him that I had no mole." "Damn!" His father said. "He bet me fifty dollars this morning that he would have your pants down before the day was over!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping the Toothpaste Tube Clean For a clean tube, try squeezing from the bottom. Then put the cap back on the toothpaste tube and roll up the empty tube as you use it. When you squeeze the tube from the bottom, more of the excess toothpaste is sucked back into the tube. Click Here For More ThriftyFun Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation"... Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband!"

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Wonder Ho To ?
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Dear Webby: Difference between legitimate and pirated XP 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  August 30, 2008

There are only two ways of telling the complete truth-- anonymously and posthumously. --- Thomas Sowell
The proprietor of a successful optical shop was instructing his son on how to charge a customer. "After you have fitted the customer's glasses," he said, "and he asks you what the charge will be, you say, '$100.' Then see if he winces." "If the customer doesn't wince you say, 'For the frames. The lenses will be another $100.'" "If he still doesn't wince, you say firmly, 'Each.'"
Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to County Attorney Fred Busroe of Harlan, Kentucky HARLAN, Ky. (UPI) -- An ex-candidate for governor of Kentucky, whose colloquial compliment about two young girls was taken sexually and landed him in jail is free but unhappy. Otis "Bullman" Hensley Jr., who has twice run unsuccessfully for governor, said his offer to trade "a good fattening hog" for a 13-year-old girl and an 11-year-old girl accompanied by their aunt at a Don's Supersaver store was nothing more than an eastern Kentucky saying that is meant as a compliment about someone's children, the Lexington (Ky.) Herald-Leader reported Tuesday. However, the girls' father did not see the humor and pressed felony charges of first-degree attempted unlawful transaction with a minor against the politician. Hensley spent two days in jail in Harlan before he made bail and prosecutor J.D. Smith said authorities have determined Hensley "absolutely meant no harm" by his comment. The charges were dropped on condition that Hensley apologize to the family and have no further contact with them. Hensley said he was outraged. ------------------------- He probably apologized that he mistook them for people with brains. I have heard people in Kentucky and Tennessee use that phrase, and normally the response was "Why, Thank you! You'd probably trade them back fer bisquits when they start fighting with each other." or "Bless yer heart! You'd prolly trade them back fer grits, once they eat you out of house and home!" Neither the compliment nor the graceful response implies anything sexual or any actually intended transacton, or that the person making the compliment owns a hog. It's just Apalachian for:"It's good to see some well mannered kids!" Obviously, the father of the kids is too stupid to live in Kentucky, but County Attorney Fred Busroe should be ridden out of town on a rail. He should have known better!
Everyone in the hotel was talking about the wedding where the groom was 95 years old and the bride was only 23. The groom looked pretty feeble, and some of the guests thought that the wedding night could kill the old man, because his bride was a healthy and vivacious young woman. But the next morning, everyone was surprised to see the bride come down the main stairway slowly, step by step, and painfully bow-legged. She finally managed to hobble to the front desk. The clerk looked very concerned, and he asked the bride, "What happened to you? You look like you just got done wrestling an alligator." "Oh my God," said the bride. "He told me that he had been saving up for 75 years.... I thought he meant his money!!"
TOP 10 REASONS FARM TRUCKS AREN'T STOLEN 10. They have about 20 miles before they overheat, breakdown or run out of gas. 9. Only the owner knows how to operate the door to get in or out. 8. It is difficult to drive fast with all the fence tools, grease rags, ropes, chains, syringes, buckets, boots and loose papers in the cab. 7. It takes too long to start, and the smoke coming up through the rusted-out floorboard clouds your vision. 6. The Border Collie on the toolbox looks mean. 5. They're too easy to spot. The description might go something like this: The driver's side door is red, the passenger side door is green, the right front fender is yellow, etc. 4. The large round bale in the back makes it hard to see if you're being chased. You could use the mirrors if they weren't cracked and covered with duct tape. 3. Top speed is approximately 45 mph. 2. Who wants to steal a truck that needs a year's worth of maintenance, u-joints, $3,000 in body work, tail-lights and windshield? 1. It is hard to commit a crime with everyone waving at you.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Allan Re:What is different with the pirated XP Dear Webby, What is the difference between pirated and legitimate XP? Considering that M$ is spending really big money and effort to fight against the proliferation of pirate XP, it must be pretty good. Aside from moral and ethical grounds, is there any reason to pay $150 for a legitimate XP instead $10 for pirate XP? What do you recommend? Allan Dear Allan It is well known that most of the computers in Russia use pirate XP, and similar situations exist in many East Block countries and in China. I have never seen or tried a pirated XP, but considering how many Millions of people use them, it seems to be adequate. Users apparently get the automatic Tuesday bug fixes, but not the SP updates. They don't have to install the SP3 blocker. Microsoft is not doing a witch-hunt against users of pirated XP, even though they claim they could, because that would make Linux the main OS overnight. They probably count each pirated XP installations as "one more Vista sold". Well, it's not a legitimate XP, so it must be Vista, right? However, Microsoft is using their full might to chase sellers of pirated XP, and if your name shows up in a caught sellers database, that you bought a few hundred pirated XP CDs for your business, then they might contact you. My recommendation? If you can afford a legitimate XP, then get the legitimate one. If you can't, get Linux. It's free. The switch from Windows to Linux is easier than the switch from Mac to Windows. Have FUN! DearWebby

I was bar tending at a club nearby. When a bunch of roaring motorcycles pulled up outside, our patrons' eyes swung toward the door and conversation turned into uneasy whispering. A group of tough looking bikers walked up to the bar, and one of them asked me where the phone was. I pointed it out, and the silence in the room let everybody overhear what the biker boomed into the receiver: "Hi, Mom. Just want to let you know I didn't forget to pick up your box of .... thingies at the drugstore, but I'll probably be home late tonight. We are doing the charity run for breast cancer today."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cereal Boxes for Magazine Storage Most cereal boxes can be converted into boxes to store magazines. Just remove the top flaps and cut the upper third of the box off at a diagonal angle. You can put contact paper on the outside of the box to make the box look better. For More Green Living Tips on ThriftyFun, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Green%20Living_441.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Little Johnny was having problems in English class, so his teacher decided to stop by on her way home to speak with his parents. When she rang the bell, Little Johnny opened the door. The teacher said, "Hello, Johnny. I would like to talk to your mother or your father." Little Johnny said, "Sorry, but they ain't here." The teacher said, "Johnny, what is it with your grammar?" "Beats me," said Little Johnny, "but dad sure was mad that they had t'go bail her out again."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Gros Morne National Park
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: How can I recognize a pirated XP CD? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  August 29, 2008
Today is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

Dancing: The vertical expression of a horizontal desire legalized by music. --- George Bernard Shaw "The shortest distance between two points is usually under construction." --- Wayne H.
A college senior takes his new girlfriend to a football game. As the young couple is watching the action, a substitute is put into the game. "You see that fellow running into the huddle?" the young man asks, pointing to the sub. The girl nods. "Well," says the young man, "take a good look at him. I expect him to be our best man next year." The girl snuggles closer and says to the surprised young man, "That's the strangest way I've ever heard a fellow to propose to a girl. But regardless of how you said it, I accept."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nitpickers in Bulgarian courts Divorcee to lose house over 37 cents? A Bulgarian divorcee was told he could have his house repossessed because he hadn't coughed up an alimony payment to his ex-wife - of 37 cents. Vasil Yordanov from Haskovo, had been ordered to pay the sum as part of a divorce settlement 15 years ago but forgot. Now a judge has warned him that he is facing a visit from bailiffs and all his property could be repossessed if he fails another order to pay up. Yordanov said: "I got a letter from the courts and at first thought someone was playing a joke on me. Then when I checked I found out they were being completely serious. "It must have cost the courts and my ex-wife's legal team twenty times as much just to send me a letter to remind me. I am perfectly happy to pay up the money or if they would like, I can offer them goods in exchange. "I have had a look around for something in my house worth 37 cents and I thought maybe a toilet roll would be about right."
Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened. Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while." Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey." Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $1,000 on the Stanley Cup play-offs. I put my foot through the television."
Little Johnny had just returned from his honeymoon and was settling down in their new apartment. Coming home from work one night the landlady met Little Johnny in the hallway and said, "I have a couple of extra tickets to a play in town tonight, and I wonder if you and your new bride would like to have them?" "I'll ask her," Little Johnny responded. He opened the door to his apartment and called out, "Honey, would you like to see 'Oliver Twist' tonight?" "No Way!!," his bride retorted, "If you show me one more trick with that thing, I'm going home to my Mother.....!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: David Re:How to spot pirated XP Dear Webby, The other day you mentioned that there are bootleg copies of Windows XP for sale on the net. How can someone spot a counterfeit copy? The reason I'm asking is because I'm thinking of buying a copy of Windows XP, SP2 off of eBay. Thanks for all your help, David Dear David There is absolutely no way to tell the difference, until you got it in front of you, and the seller is not going to tell you, if it is hot. I stocked up when I told all Humor Letter readers to stock up on XP CDs, but if I needed more, I would buy them from people I know and trust, like Jerome in Texas. His company REALLY stocked up. Have FUN! DearWebby

As a new school Principal, Mr. Mitchell was checking over his school on the first day. Passing the stockroom, he was startled to see the door wide open and teachers bustling in and out, carrying off books and supplies in preparation for the arrival of students the next day. The school where he had been a Principal the previous year had used a check-out system only slightly less elaborate than that at Fort Knox. Cautiously, he asked the school's long time Custodian, "Do you think it's wise to keep the stock room unlocked and to let the teachers take things without requisitions?" The Custodian looked at him gravely. "We trust them with the children, don't we?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Moving Large Planters Since most planters are wider on top than on the bottom, they can be difficult to move with a hand truck. Use an old skateboard instead. If you don't have one, you can probably find one at your local thrift store. They work well for moving other heavy objects as well. Unusual Ideas for Planters http://www.thriftyfun.com/tf001333.tip.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

When my four year old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother and found a water pistol. He squealed with de- light and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Mom smiled and then replied, "I remember."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Action Plus galleries
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: XP and Linux on the same machine 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  August 28, 2008
Tomorrow is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

I don't necessarily agree with everything I say. --- Obama Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile. --- Albert Schweitzer
Texan prisons have banned convicts on death row from having a last cigarette, on the grounds that it is bad for their health.
Thanks to Jai for sending this picture of a LadySlipper behind her house:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John Depew of Salem, Mass World's most prolific bike thief SALEM, Mass. (UPI) -- Police officers in North Andover, Mass., inadvertently interrupted a movie set thinking it was the site of a robbery attempt, a "director" says. "Director" John Depew said he was filming a scene at a North Andover convenience store last weekend when police suddenly stormed in to apprehend their suspects, Boston's WCVB-TV reported. "They came in and they said, 'Drop the gun' and I couldn't see the officer because he was behind (me)," Depew said. "I said, 'It's a movie, it's a movie -- we're filming a movie!'" Depew said two actors playing robbers were placed in handcuffs by the officers, but were released after the situation was explained. WCVB-TV said the confusion was brought about by a mistaken 911 call from someone who said an actual robbery was taking place at the store. Copyright 2008 by United Press International There was no mention why the "director" failed to inform the police beforehand, and why there was no crew holding off bystanders. I hope they made him pay for the call-out.
Charlie had a massive heart attack and died. His body was delivered to the mortuary. He had been wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit at the time of his demise, so he really looked wonderful, considering the circumstances. His wife went to the funeral home to make the final arrangements for his interment. She spoke to the mortician about what her husband would be wearing. The mortician pointed out that the man looked really nice in the black suit he was wearing, and that frankly it would be easier and less expensive to leave him dressed as he was. The woman noted that Charlie had always looked his very best in blue, and that she really wanted him in a blue suit for his trip to eternity. To silence the mortician's continued outcries, she gave him a blank check and said, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in the very best blue suit money can buy for the ceremony." The woman came back the next day for the wake. To her delight, she found her Charlie dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fit him perfectly. She said to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job, and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?" To her astonishment, the mortician presented her with the blank check, indicating there was no charge for these extra services. "No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she cried. The mortician responded, "Honestly, ma'am, the change to the blue suit cost nothing. Funny thing, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing an attractive black suit. She indicated that it made no difference, as long as he looked nice... So I switched the heads."
All of the farmers in a small town had gathered together to discuss some important issues. About midway through the meeting, a wife of one of the farmers stood up and spoke her piece. One of the farmers, attempting to show the woman to be ignorant on the subject of farming, stood up and said, "What does she know about anything? I would like to ask her if she knows how many toes a pig has?" Quick as a flash, the woman replied, "Take off your boots Harvey, and count them yourself!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jai Re: Ubuntu Linux beside XP Dear Webby, Will I be able to install Ubuntu along with XP, and if I cannot handle it, uninstall and still have XP? Or is this asking too much of my lappie? Oh too, the apps I have downloaded, and/or have cd's for, will they run on Ubuntu or are they trash if I move to that OS? Jai Dear Jai With Ubuntu, and most flavors of Linux, you can even run it from a CD. They call it "Live CD". You just boot from the CD, and leave XP on the machine. That's sort of like a trial version. From that you can switch to a permanent Dual-Boot and choose at boot-up whether you want to run Windows or Linux. With the programs, Linux is like UNIX and has it's own set of software. The good news is that in the Linux world most software is free. Some software, like Open Office comes to the Windows World from UNIX / Linux. Have FUN! DearWebby

An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate. The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result. "This guy must have screwed up the settings," the off-duty officer thought. A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt!

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com College Students and Credit Cards Companies fall over themselves to offer credit to new college students. If you have a child heading off to college, be sure to warn them about this because they can quickly amass high interest credit card debt that could haunt them, and you, for years to come. Visit ThriftyFun for more College Life Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/College%20Life_333.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Police are taking a prisoner to jail when the police cruiser is involved in an accident. The prisoner escapes from the wreckage and runs away across the playground of a kindergarten. As he's running, he shouts, "I'm free! I'm free!" One of the children watching him shouts back, "Big deal. I'm four!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Typewriter Art
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Vista to XP upgrade service 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  August 27, 2008

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. --- Mark Twain
A teenager was sitting in church, and when the collection plate was passed around, he quickly pulled a dollar bill from his pocket and dropped it in. Just then, the person behind him tapped him on his shoulder and handed him a $20 bill. The boy smiled, placed the $20 in the plate and passed it on, admiring that the man was being generous. Then the boy felt another tap from behind and heard a whisper: "Son," the man said, "that was your $20 bill that had fallen out of your pocket."
Thanks to Marie for sending this picture North Shore NFLD
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Igor Kenk, 49, of Toronto, Ontario World's most prolific bike thief Canadian police say they have caught the world's most prolific bike thief. Officers recovered 2,865 stolen bicycles from the owner of a Toronto bike shop, reports The Guardian. Igor Kenk, 49, is awaiting trial on 58 charges of theft, attempted theft, possession of stolen goods and possession of burglary tools. He was arrested after Toronto police, noticing that bike theft had spiked sharply in June, planted bicycles on the streets and watched to see who stole them. As plain clothes officers hid in wait, Kenk and another man walked past. Kenk seemed to tell his companion to cut the locks on two bikes, which he did, before the pair attempted to pedal away. When police raided the Bicycle Clinic, the shop was so jam-packed that the fire service had to remove the upper-floor windows and lower the bikes out by rope. Later, 200 more bikes were seized in Kenk's home, along with large quantities of drugs, in a smart neighbourhood in Toronto. Ten landlords around the city also reported that they had rented garages to Kenk, which were chock-full of bikes. Some 15,000 people have visited the police station garage where the vast collection was taken, hoping to pick out their own lost bikes. Toronto police officers said about 500 people had so far been reunited with their bicycles.
A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said. The boy said, "It wasn't that. She didn't scare the fish. She ate all the bait."
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Little Johnny looked up into her face and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Marcella Re: XP installer Dear Webby, I thought I would eventually get used to Vista, but it is like getting used to driving in first gear only. I don't work under the hood on my car, and I would rather have a real professional work on my computers. You have once mentioned a shop in Texas or thereabouts that professionally upgrades Vista machines to XP. Are they still doing that, or did they run out of XP CDs? If they are still doing it, can you please run their address again? Thanks Marcella Dear Marcella Yes, Jerome is indeed still upgrading computers to XP. I guess his reputation is spreading, because that work is 75% of their work now. To negotiate a price and make shipping arrangements, write to jerome@spiritscents.com He uses only legitimate XP CDs, not the Chinese and Russian pirated XP clones, and you won't have any problems with the automatic updates. Have FUN! DearWebby

Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too. "A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry," she told him. "Really?" asked the boyfriend, "And, just how many men are you intending to marry?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Discounts for Installing Windows If you need to replace the windows in your house, see if your electric company offers any rebates or coupons for new window installation. You can usually find significant savings if you replace them at the right time. You should also save your receipts and check for tax incentives when you file. Click Here For More ThriftyFun Home Improvement Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Home%20Improvement_574.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A client brought a litter of golden retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. So, I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished. After the fourth puppy, I noticed my talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I didn't know they had to be baptized, too."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: GoldenRay Migration
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Upgrade Acer with Vista to XP 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  August 26, 2008

Correction re World Record Wheat Harvest. Thanks to Kathie in Montana, the wanna-be's in Kansas are just hoaxers. That record harvest was in Winkler, Manitoba The event, in August 2006, attracted 105 combines to harvest 162 acres of wheat and yield was 65 bushels per acre. By comparison, in 2006, Norton County, Kansas, averaged 27 bushels to the acre, and there has never been a 100 combine harvest in or near Norton, Kansas. Sorry about the initially wrong information! http://www.worldharvestforkids.com/
A drunk at the DNC in Denver walks into a bar full of customers and slurs to the bartender, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill." So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for 76.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street. The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and, slurring as always, says, "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink and give me the bill." In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?" The drunk replies, "You? No way! You get too violent when you drink."
Thanks to Ann for sending this picture of her very prolific AngelTrumpet:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Heidi Dalibor, 20, of Grafton, Wisconsin Failing to appear in court to answer regarding her refusal to pay library fines for two overdue library books. A US woman has been arrested and handcuffed for failing to appear in court to answer regarding her refusal to pay library fines for two overdue library books. Heidi Dalibor, of Grafton, Wisconsin, is the first to admit that she ignored calls and letters from her local library. She also admits that she ignored a notice to appear in municipal court or pay the fine, reports the News Graphic. But the last thing she expected was a knock on her door by Grafton police. "They showed me a warrant they had for my arrest," said Miss Dalibor, 20. "They said they had to cuff me and I said, 'Are you serious?'" She said all she could think about was that her neighbours would not know why she was being led away from her home in handcuffs. Once at the police station, she was fingerprinted and photographed, and the marks and scars on her body recorded. Police Captain Joe Gabrish says officers follow the same procedure with every warrant. Library director John Hanson says a couple of dozen people are cited each year for failure to return materials or pay fines. The incident cost Dalibor about $27 for the two overdue paperbacks - and it cost her mother $150 bail money to free her. -------------- Plus a criminal record for failing to appear in court when ordered.
The teacher wrote "Like I ain't had no fun in months" on the board and then she said, "David , how should I correct that?" David replied, "Maybe get a better boyfriend?"
All he asked for was a little goodnight kiss, but she rebuffed him with, "I don't do that sort of thing on my first date!" .... "Well," he replied with sarcasm, "how about on your last date?"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Hermon Re: Acer with Vista Dear Webby, I read the letter and vote daily and send some parts around the world. thanks for making my day with a great letter. If you had an Acer Aspire 5610Z with Vista pre installed, what would you do to uninstall it and install XP Pro??? Of course we all know you would never have bought the Vista machine , and you tried warning everyone, but some of us Appalachian Americans (better known as Hillbillys) can't walk and chew gum at the same time. Thanks for all the help in the past . Hermon in Kentucky Dear Hermon I would do exactly the same as I did with the computer I bought in the desert, so that I could continue writing and sending out the Humor Letter. All I could get in that desert village was a Vista machine. As soon as I got back to civilization, I stuck an XP set-up-CD into it and installed XP. Nothing to it. I am a hillbilly, not a silly-billy. It may be difficult now to find XP set-up CDs unless you hit the garage sale and look for old klunkers that come with the CD. An alternative is to upgrade your Vista to Vista Ultimate, even though that machine won't be able to run it. If you get a Vista Ultimate license, Microsoft will chalk it up as another Vista sale, and in exchange let you have rights to an XP CD. Microsoft is spending 300 Million dollars to try and make you believe that Vista is not as bad as DOS4, and that any horse can eventually get used to being hobbled. Because of that, most people who stocked up on XP CDs are hanging on to them, but there are a few listed at eBay. However, your best bet is to get the Vista Ultimate + XP from Acer. It will have the drivers that you need. Have FUN! DearWebby

Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad." Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation." Then they saw a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity... one of the girls must be quite ill."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Borax and Cornmeal for Drying Flowers You can dry flowers using 2 parts borax to 1 part white cornmeal. Add a thin layer of the mixture, then place flowers on top. Slowly add more of the powder until the flowers are covered, pouring on the side rather than right on top, to avoid crushing. Let them sit for 10 days. For More ThriftyFun Craft Tips, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Craft%20Tips_357.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. "What on earth," she inquired of the artist standing nearby, "is that supposed to be?" He smiled condescendingly. "That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child." "Well, then," snapped the little old lady, "why isn't it...?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Drive Pricng
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Yahoo malfunction 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  August 25, 2008

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. --- Totie Fields She had an unequalled gift... of squeezing big mistakes into small opportunities. --- Henry James
Thanks to Ross for bringing back this classic: Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home in Ft. Lauderdale reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny. The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece. The third old lady remarked, 'I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about.
Thanks to Dad for sending this picture: This one bloomed today. (Echinocereus brandegeei)
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A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon." Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago." Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was it she asked about?" The clerk smiled and said... "Parking lot robberies." An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jeanne Shahan of Hallandale beach, Florida Police: Grandma left kids in car at casino HALLANDALE BEACH, Fla. (UPI) -- Police in Hallandale Beach, Fla., said a grandmother has been arrested after she left her two grandchildren in the car while she gambled inside a casino. Investigators said Jeanne Shahan left the children, a 14 year old boy and a 2 year old girl, in her car with the windows rolled up for at least an hour and 15 minutes while she gambled at the Mardi Gras Casino, WFOR-TV, Fort lauderdale, Fla., reported Wednesday. "The children seem fine," said Daniel Adkins, a representative from the Mardi Gras Casino. "We brought them inside and they both cooperated, gave us the name of who they were here with and we were able to locate the grandmother." Shahan was charged with two counts of aggravated child neglect.
When Kevin came home, his wife, Liz, was crying. "Your mother insulted me," Liz sobbed. "My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the world?" Kevin asked. "I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious." "And?" "At the end of the letter it said, 'P.S. Dear Liz, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son."
The first mate on a ship decided to celebrate an occasion with a "little" stowed away rum. Unfortunately he got drunk and was still drunk the next morning. The captain saw him drunk and when the first mate was sober, showed him the following entry in the ship's log: "The first mate was drunk today." "Captain, please don't let that stay in the log," the first mate pleaded. "This could add months or even years, to my becoming a captain myself." "Is it true?" asked the captain, already knowing the answer. "Yes, it's true," the first mate said, lowering his head. The captain growled, "Then if it is true it must be written in the log. That's the rule. If it's true it goes into the log. End of discussion." Weeks later, it was the first mate's turn to make the log entries. The first mate wrote: "The ship seems in good shape. The captain was sober today."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: William Re: Yahoo malfunction Dear Webby, When I open you letter now, I get all the ads on the left just fine, however there is nothing on the right in the body of the letter. So I clicked "reply" to write this message and now I can read everything in the body of the letter on my "reply" message. This is on a yahoo acount that I have been using for better than 10 years. However, they seem to have made so changes as of late to the way it operates. Any clues? Thanks, William Dear William That is just a routine Yahoo malfunction. As you saw, you DID receive the entire Humor Letter, they just don't let you see it, until you threaten to reply or forward. Probably they are sick and tired of you and want you to graduate and get a grown-ups type address. Many thousands have graduated, and you can do it too! Have FUN! DearWebby

An Irish man walks into a pub and the bartender asks him, "What'll you have?" The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness, please." So, the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. Then he orders three more. The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one." The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So, right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together." The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition. Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more. The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died." The man said, "Oh, me brothers are fine. Me wife made me join the baptists and it's me who had to quit drinking.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buyer Protection For Online Auction Purchases PayPal and other programs provide buyer protection for online auctions. The problem with this protection is that it doesn't necessarily cover the full price of your bid. Purchases are currently protected for only up $1,000, so expensive items will only be partially covered. For More ThriftyFun Shopping Tips, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Budget%20and% ... 2_472.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: The 2009 Farmers Almanac, due to go on sale later this week, predicts that there won't be any Gullible Warming tis coming winter. That means heating fuel prices will increase between now and March. Get your firewood, heating oil, propane, pellets, coal, cornhusks, whatever, as soon as you can afford. None of them spoil, and you will need lots this coming winter. DearWebby

A couple had been married for 45 years, had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replied, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: West Texas
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: What files does CrapCleaner delete 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  August 24, 2008

A great new search engine that pays you! Free for you! You get paid for searching! I never teach my pupils; I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can learn." --- Albert Einstein
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital, and went in for coronary surgery. The operation went well, and as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy waiting by his bed. "Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," the nun said while patting his hand. "We do have to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?" "No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely. "Can you pay in cash?" "I'm afraid I can't, Sister." "Do you have any close relatives, then?" "Just my sister in New Mexico," the patient replied. "But she's a spinster nun." "Nuns are not spinsters, Mr. Smith," the nun replied. "They are married to God." "Okay," the man said with a smile. "Then send the bill to my brother-in-law."
Thanks to Jerry for sending this picture : Bike lane ?
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Re yesterday's bonehead award, from Gary Dear Webby You missed the funniest part - two nights later they were both arrested AGAIN, and were both tazered AGAIN ! http://snipurl.com/3j809 http://dlisted.com/node/27863 :-) Gary An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John Pearce, 32, of Dartford, Kent, England Burglar hanging in there As a burglar, John Pearce thinks nothing of turning his victims' homes upside down. But this time it was the house that turned him the wrong way up. Attempting a daylight raid, the 32-year-old somehow got his foot caught after smashing his way through the front window of a Victorian terrace home at 6pm. Unable to free himself, Pearce was left hanging upside down in the window frame for more than an hour as a crowd of 30 neighbours, police, EMTs and passers-by gathered to ridicule him. It seems they were waiting for more photographers to arrive. http://snipurl.com/3j81j
A Father, passing through his son's college town late one night on a business trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy. Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door. After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second floor window. "Whaddya want?" "Does Jimmy Duncan live here?" asked the father. "Yeah!" replied the voice. "Just dump him on the front porch. We'll hose him down and drag him in in the morning."
A man was sick, he constantly gasped for breath and his eyes bulged. The doctors didn't give him long to live. He decided to live it up. Withdrawing all of his money from the bank, he went on a shopping spree. His last stop was at the most expensive haberdashery in the city. He pointed out a dozen silk shirts. He wore a size fourteen. The clerk said, "Your neck looks bigger than fourteen. You need a sixteen." The man said, "I know my size. I want them in a fourteen." The clerk said, "I'll get them for you, but I want to warn you...if you wear a fourteen you'll gasp all day and your eyes will bulge."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Shonda Re: Does CrapCleaner delete pictures Dear Webby, I download the c cleaner, will this make away with my pictures I have saved to my cp, if I do a clean up. Thank You Shonda Dear Shonda No, CrapCleaner does not touch pictures. It cleans left-over fragments from closed programs, which still hang in the RAM memory, and whatever you see in the list that it shows you. Take the checkmark off the cookies. All other defaults are fine as they are. Have FUN! DearWebby

Waxing eloquent on the dangers of sinning, one dynamic young preacher boomed to the congregation from the pulpit, "Brothers and sisters, if there are any among you who have sinned and are unrepentant, may your tongue cleave to the woof of your mouf!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Muddy Foot Prints on Carpet Here's a tip for dealing with wet, muddy foot print on carpet. Sprinkle cornstarch over the foot print and let it dry. Once dry, vacuum up the cornstarch. In any case, mud is always much easier to remove when it is dry, if you try to clean it when it is wet, you just spread it around. Click Here For More Carpet Cleaning Tips From ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_Carpet_296_304.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A golf match is a test of your hard earned skill against your opponent's dumb luck.

Thanks to Ang for today's Bonus Link: Horses and the Flying Frenchman
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: How do I burn Audio CDs? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  August 23, 2008

No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately. --- Michel de Montaigne Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. ---P.J. O'Rourke
Doctor: "Madame, I'd like to give you a thorough examination. Please take off all your clothes." Patient: "But doctor, I only stopped by for the blood test results. Dr. Johnson found me in perfect condition just yesterday." Doctor: "So he told me . . . so he told me."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture :
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andy Somora, 29, and Anna Pastuszwska, 28, both formerly of Chicago Bride and groom arrested at reception LAKESIDE, Mich. (UPI) -- A wedding reception in Lakeside, Mich., ended with the bride and groom spending the night in separate jail cells after a melee, police said. Investigators said Andy Somora, 29, and Anna Pastuszwska, 28, both formerly of Chicago, were shocked with police stun guns and arrested at the July 19 reception at Burnison Galleries after police officers from 14 departments were called to calm things down, the Chicago Sun-Times reported. "The short version of the story is they didn't want to quit their partying," said Mike Sepic, Berrien County's chief assistant prosecutor. "If you put this in the class of wedding receptions gone bad, I guess this would take the cake." Somora's father, uncle, aunt and cousin also were arrested. Somora pleaded guilty to a felony charge of resisting and obstructing police. The groom, who also was charged with disturbing the peace, could face imprisonment at his Sept. 15 sentencing for the felony charge. Pastuszwska pleaded guilty to a reduced charge after she was initially accused of resisting and obstructing. She was fined $600. Copyright 2008 by United Press International ----------------- cops from 14 police departments! That must have been some fight!
Thanks to Irene for this story: It was cold and rainy at the Atlantic Ocean resort where I was spending my vacation, but I finally bundled up and went down to the beach. There I saw a man in a bathing suit, lying on a large beach blanket. I walked up to him and asked why he was punishing himself that way. "I've been saving up all year for this vacation so I could get some color," he said. "And I'm going to get it - even if it's blue."
In a physics lab, which involved light, electricity and magnetism, one requirement of the course was to read the week's experiment before coming to class. At one lab session the instructor wanted to see how many people had actually done so. "What are the two types of light?" he asked. The lab fell quiet until one wise guy raised his hand and said, "Uhhh, Miller and Coors?"
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: Burning Audio CDs Dear Webby, I got up the courage to switch from Internet Explorer to Mozilla Firefox and I love Firefox!!! So glad I heard of it from your newsletter. Should I delete Internet Explorer altogether or just leave it on my computer? One more question - I downloaded some songs on a CD and I can play them fine on my laptop computer but when I tried them in my car, nothing plays, can't play them anywhere except my computer.I put them on a CD-RW. Why can't I hear the music at other sources? Thanks and I love your newsletter - you help so much, I have no one else to ask so I am thankful for you! Carolyn Dear Carolyn Best not to delete IE. To make the sheep believe that IE loads faster than other browsers, Microsoft loads big chunks of IE during boot-up. Since those pieces are now already loaded, other parts of Windows also use them. Best is to leave it installed. It does not take that much space. re Audio CDs: The car does not have a computer for playing Data CDs. It just has an Audio CD player. Good information on how to burn Audio CDs is at Burn Audio CDs Have FUN! DearWebby

There is a theory which states that if anyone ever discovers exactly what the Universe is for, and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Painting Tips: Keep Paint Drips Off Light Fixtures To prevent drips on ceiling light fixtures, cover them with a plastic bag. Turn off the lights first so you don't melt the bags! Secure the bag where the fixture meets the ceiling with masking table. Plastic grocery bags work well for this, just cut off the handles so they don't get in the way. Click Here For More Painting Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Home%20Improv ... 4_611.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

One evening a preschooler, Krystal, and her parents were sitting on the couch chatting. Krystal asked, " Daddy, you're the boss of the house, right?" Her father proudly replied, "Yes, I am the boss of the house." But Krystal quickly burst his bubble when she added, "Cause Mommy gave you that job, Daddy?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Lifelike Animation
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: PayPal Spoof 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  August 22, 2008

Today is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on. --- Robert Byrne Two paradoxes are better than one; they may even suggest a solution. --- Edward Teller
Thanks to Gloria for bringing back this classic: With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit. 'May I see the new baby?' I asked 'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.' Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?' No, not yet,' She said. After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?' 'No, not yet,' replied my friend. Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?' 'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me. 'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?' 'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!'
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture : Record setting harvest was done in 2008, in Norton , Kansas 160 acres was harvested with 100 combines and several grain trucks in 10 minutes and 15 seconds. The picture shows about half of the combines involved. These have already completed one run the length of the field and are now coming back for the swaths left standing between each machine's path. This record will be entered in the Guinness World. Proceeds of this crop is to be sent to a kids camp.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Felix Adler, 40, of Cham, Germany Man left naked and broke A trusting German had to jog two miles naked to a police station after a woman promised him sex and then ran off with his clothes. Felix Adler, 40, said he met the 24-year-old woman in a bar in Cham in southern Germany and they walked to woods on the edge of town where she begged him to have sex. But as he stripped off, she fled with his clothes - including his wallet with £800 in it. He managed to make his way to the police station and gave a full description of the woman to police who later tracked her down. A police spokesman said: "He was very embarrassed and very cold by the time he got to the police station." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_29 ... rangecrime
"Grandma, how long have you and Grandpa been married?" asked young Nina. "Fifty years," Grandma replied. "That is so wonderful," exclaimed Nina. "And I bet in all that time, you never once thought about divorce, right?" "Right Nina. Divorce, NEVER. Murder, lots of times, but never divorce."
A farmer stood leaning on a fence at the edge of his property. He watched as a red sports car came over the top of a hill and followed the road up to the spot where he stood. The driver pulled over to the side of the road and called out to the farmer. "Do you know how I can get to Route 91?" the driver asked. The farmer thought for a few seconds. Then he said, "Nope." "Do you know where the nearest turnpike entrance is?" the driver asked. "Nope," the farmer replied. "How about the town of Hadley. Do you know which direction it is from here?" "Nope." Exasperated, the driver raced his engine. "You don't know very much, do you?" he said. "Nope," the farmer replied. "But I'm not lost."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Glenn Re: PayPal Dear Webby, this came in, and I have had no busineess with PayPal. It did not have my email address or my name, just the name of the buyer as John Angel, and my name in Glenn Dix. Any suggestions? I tried the link, and it said the page could not be displayed. Thank you for any help. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: support@PayPal.Inc.com Subject: Dispute Transaction Date: Thu, 14 Aug 2008 16:44:14 +0300 ....... Dear Glenn That is a typical hoax. Hover, but don't click over the dispute transaction link. You will see in the status line that it actually goes to some number domain. Luckily somebody had already reported the same stuff to spoof@paypal.com and PayPal did the digital equivalent of nuking that site. That is why you got a "Page not found" instead of a trojan invasion. Just dump it and next time, don't click on anything suspicious! Hover the mouse over links and watch the status line, but don't click! Have FUN! DearWebby

The wealthy wife of a very successful Jewish businessman went to the portrait artist for her first sitting. The portrait, a gift for her husband. She explained to the artist what she wanted: "You should paint me like I am. These little wrinkles, you put them on your canvas. The lines under my eyes, the flab on my arms, the turn in my nose, and the mole on my cheek, they all stay... BUT on my hands you put lots of rings with big diamonds and emeralds and bright jewels. Around my neck you put chains of gold and diamonds. Do you understand?" The artist looked at her in earnest and asked why she should want such detail of real life in her physical appearance, but adorn herself with the phony jewelry. She replied: "I am not well. When I die my husband will re-marry. The new wife, she should go crazy looking for the jewels."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Appliances Always try to save up for large appliance purchases rather than putting them on a credit card. High interest credit cards can result in paying double for the appliances if you don't pay them off aggressively. Also, be sure to check the local want ads for used appliances. Click Here For More Budget and Finance Tips From ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/Budget%20and% ... e_442.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Everybody who has a dog calls him Rover or Boy. I call mine Sex. He's a great pal, but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment. When I went to city hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, I'd like one too! I said, But this is a dog.. He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, You don't understand. I've had Sex, since I was 9 years old. He winked and said You must have been quite a kid. When I married and went on my honeymoon. I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said, You don't need a special room. As long as you pay your bill, we don't care what you do. One day, I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married. The judge said, The courtroom isn't a confessional. Stick to the case please. Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said, Me too. Last night, Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I told him that I was looking for Sex. My case comes up Friday.

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Lifelike Animation
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: myMemorizer 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  August 21, 2008

Tomorrow is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." --- Douglas Adams If you want to cut down on the number of relatives who are hanging around, borrow money from the rich ones and lend money to the ones who are poor. You will never see any of them again. --- Socratex
A middle aged man wasn't feeling well, so he went to the doctor for a check up. After a thorough examination, the doctor said, "Well, based on my examination, the best thing for you is to cut out all sweets and fatty foods, give up sex and alcohol, and stop smoking." The man said, "Well, to be honest with you Doc, I don't deserve the best. What's the second best?"
Thanks to Marie for sending this picture :
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tom Biscardi, bigfoot "expert" Sent in by Ross Searching for Bigfoot group to sue Georgia hoaxers By CHRISTIAN BOONE, KATHY JEFCOATS, etc. Wednesday, August 20, 2008 They claim their hoax was not for profit, but Atlanta residents Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer received $50,000 from a California Bigfoot tracker who now plans to sue to get the money back. The two Georgia men’s tale of having found a Bigfoot carcass in the North Georgia woods really started to stink when California Bigfoot enthusiasts finally examined the body and found it was just a costume. “There will be legal action” said Catherine Ortez, who works for Searching for Bigfoot, Inc. in in Menlo Park, Calif. The organization paid for rights to the men’s story and their find. “If this was a joke, it was very methodical and thought-out,” she said. The Searching for Bigfoot, Inc site was founded by Tom Biscardi, who authenticated and promoted the alleged Georgia Sasquatch. Biscardi, who did not return calls requesting comment, has his own credibility issues, according to a police officer in a nearby jurisdiction. “He was involved in a similar hoax a few years back,” said Agent Dan Ryan with the Palo Alto (Calif.) Police Department. In an interview with WSB-TV Wednesday night, Whitton and Dyer’s attorney, Steve Lister, blamed Biscardi for blowing his clients’ joke out of proportion. “It started off as some YouTube videos and a Web site,” said Whitton, “We’re all about having fun.” Whitton, 28, a Clayton County police officer for six years and on medical leave since he was shot in the wrist by a robbery suspect this spring, was fired by a hysterically irate Police Chief Jeffrey Turner Tuesday after news of the hoax spread. Dyer, 31, is a former Clayton County corrections officer. Though, according to their site, the pair are not averse to making money off their amusement. For $500, you can join them for a Bigfoot expedition. They also sell Sasquatch-related T-shirts and caps. The answering machine on a “tip line” connected to the pair’s Web site, which still advertises $499 Bigfoot “expeditions,” says they’re still out searching for Sasquatch — as well as leprechauns, dinosaurs, unicorns, Jimmy Hoffa and Elvis. http://www.ajc.com/metro/content/metro/ ... wsuit.html
After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug and kiss when he left. Later, the wife's roommate commented: "Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine."
Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby. One preacher claimed, "Kneeling is definitely best." "No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven." "You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor." The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted, "the best prayin' I ever did was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole in a thunderstorm."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jim Re: myMemorizer Hi Webby I enjoy starting every day with your email and thank Martin for recommending it. Check out mymemorizer.com and consider recommending it. Like so many people, I was forgetting appointments etc and putting them on the computer didn't help as I'd forget to look daily. Mymemorizer is like gmail - server based, and it's neatest feature is that it will send you up to 4 emails reminding you of appointments, birthdays, anniversaries etc. The emails can be sent on the day of the event, one day before, two days before, one week before or whatever you select AND, the event can repeat annually so you can put in birthdays and anniversaries once and forget them. Since it is server based, you also can access it from any computer with internet access using your id and pw. And, since we all open our mail the first thing every morning to look for our webby.com humor letter, we will NEVER forget another appointment. Jim Dear Jim I had a look at it, and was quite impressed. http://www.mymemorizer.com/ Unlike Rainlendar, which I have previously recommended, myMemorizer is not on your computer, but on a server. If something happens to your computer or you lose your data, your spouse's birthday and all other imprtant dates are still safely on-line in your myMemorizer. Don't look for longwinded instructions or help files. It is surprisingly easy to use. Just play with it. Thanks to Jim for this tip! I also put it into my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools Have FUN! DearWebby

One night a father was helping his son with his homework. The father asked, "What is the Gross National Product?" His son pondered for a minute and replied, "Spinach?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Back To School Routine Start getting your back to school routine started. Have your kids wake up and go sleep at the same time they will the week before school starts. Also serve dinner at the same time you will when school starts. It will make the transition much easier for them and for you. Visit ThriftyFun for more Back To School Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Back%20To%20School_2.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: SP3 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  August 20, 2008

"In a time of drastic change it is the learners who inherit the future. The learned usually find themselves equipped to live in a world that no longer exists." --- Eric Hoffer
An Western Canadian was visiting Montreal and was wandering through a park with a local. Suddenly a strange bird scurried in front of them. Asked by the visitor what the bird was, the Quebecer replied, "That's a bird of paradise." The Western Canadian walked on in silence for a moment, then said, "Long way from home, isn't it?"
Thanks to Joanne for this picture of her canna: :
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to crooked gas buyers in San Antonio Sent in by Deeli Not Neighborly SAN ANTONIO (UPI) -- A "pump malfunction" sold premium gasoline for 38 cents a gallon to crooked customers for several hours at a San Antonio convenience store, the manager says. Jim Duke, manager of the Dill Food Mart, said he checked it out Thursday after watching an unusually large crowd gassing up at one particular pump Wednesday afternoon. "I was inside and they were paying at the pump and nobody came in so nobody told me what was happening," Duke told WOAI-AM. He found to his chagrin that "a decimal point had slipped" and instead of selling premium gas for $3.89 a gallon, the pump was dispensing it for 38 cents a gallon. "We lost a lot of money," Duke said, although he wasn't sure yet how much. Business was way down at that pump Thursday afternoon. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
A man returned from a very fancy hospital and was telling his friend all about his experience. Man: The hospital I was in was very specialized. Friend: How so ? Man: They had a food nurse who gave you food. They had a drug nurse who gave you drugs. They had a coffee nurse who gave you coffee. Then there was the head nurse...
The old man was a witness in a burglary trial.The defense lawyer asks Sam, "Did you see my client commit this burglary?" "Yes," said Sam , "I saw him plainly take the goods." The lawyer asks Sam again, "Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?" "Yes" says Sam, "I saw him do it." Then the lawyer asks Sam, "Sam listen, you are 80 years old and your eyesight probably is bad. Just how far can you see at night?" Sam says, "I can see the moon, how far is that?"
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Patricia Re: SP3 Hi Webby, I have just received a Windows update that XPSP3 is ready to download. Is it safe to download it? Patricia Dear Patricia No, SP3 is not safe for all computers. You can download the SP3 BLOCKER from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools Have FUN! DearWebby

There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. The police came and took the drunk guy to jail.The next day the man went before the judge. The judge asked the man, "Where do you work?" The man said, "Here and there." The judge asked the man, "What do you do for a living?" The man said, "This and that." The judge then said, "Take him away." The man said, "Wait, judge, when will I get out?" The judge said to the man, "Sooner or later..."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Create Your Ideal Budget List everything and how much you spend each month. Then look for ways to cut spending in each category and then list the ideal amount next to current amount. At the end of the month, calculate your spending and see how close you came to meeting your ideal spending amounts. Visit ThriftyFun for more Budgeting Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Budget%20and% ... 2_450.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Old man Zack had an incredible mule. They had been together for years and stayed pretty much to themselves. One day, Zack and his mule were walking down the road when a passerby asked if Zack needed a ride to town. Zack accepted the offer and the driver asked, "What about your mule?" Zack said, "Oh, don't worry about him. He'll keep up." Then Zack got into the truck while his mule ran along behind. The driver was a little cruel and decided to speed up a little. The mule was right in back of them as they reached 55 mph. The driver accelerated and the mule and stayed with them. They reached 70 miles per hour and the mule was still right behind them. The driver couldn't believe this. He turned to Zack and said, "I'm worried about your mule. His tongue is hanging out." Zack said, "Which way?" The driver said, "Left." And Zack said, "Well, stay in this lane, he's about to pass."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: FREE Teacher Supplies: Also check out Montana plant life
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: leave the computer on or turn it off? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  August 19, 2008

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. --- Peter De Vries By the time we've made it, we've had it. --- Malcolm Forbes
During class, the chemistry professor was demonstrating the properties of various acids. "Now I'm going to drop this silver coin into this glass of acid. Will it dissolve?" "No sir," one student called out. "No?" queried the professor. "Perhaps you can explain why the silver won't dissolve in this particular acid." "Because if it would, you wouldn't have dropped it in!"
Thanks to Marie for sending this picture: :
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Belgian sports minister Michel Daerden Olympic drunk is sports minister A drunk fan of Olympic competitors from Belgium has been identified as the country's sports minister. A loud Belgian fan had been shouting out during a doubles match between Argentinian and Belgian players. Eventually Argentine tennis ace David Nalbandian lost his temper and told him to be quiet. But other Belgian supporters recognised the "very drunk" man as sports minister Michel Daerden, media in the country have reported. Daerden was also spotted drunk when cheering on the Belgian hockey team from the stands, say reports. One Belgian fan, Marc Demeyer, said: "He was drunk as a skunk. It's an embarrassment for the nation."
Two American women stopping at the Hotel in Lisbon wanted another chair in their room. The steward who answered their ring could not understand English. One of the women pointed to the only chair in the room, then tried pantomime, seating herself in an imaginary chair. With a knowing smile, the steward bowed and motioned for her to follow him. At the end of the corridor, he stopped, smiled, and bowed again, and pointed triumphantly to the door of the Ladies Room.
A doctor examined a woman and took her husband aside. "I don't want to alarm you," he said, "but I don't like the way your wife looks at all." "Me neither, Doc." said the husband. "But she's a great cook and real good with the kids."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Debby Re: leave computer on at night? Hi Webby, I leave my computer on 24/7. Should I turn it off at night? How much electricity is it using to keep it on? What is better for the machine. Love your advice and daily newsletter and jokes. This is not the first time I have picked your brain and probably won't be the last! Thanks Webby. Debby Dear Debby Yes, it is much better to turn your computer off at night. It saves electricity both directly and indirectly, since you don't need AC to get rid of the 500 Watts of heat it produces. So you actually save 1 KW per hour. Turning it off also saves wear and tear on the hard drive. Have FUN! DearWebby

On the first day of school, the principal made his rounds, and heard a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms. He rushed in and spotted one boy, taller than the others, who seemed to be making the most noise. He seized the lad, dragged him to the hall, and told him to wait there until he was excused. Returning to the classroom, the principal restored order and lectured the class for half an hour about the importance of good behavior. When he was finished, he said, "Now, are there any questions?" One girl stood up timidly and said, "Please, sir, may we have our teacher back?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Crochet Ball Holder Install a toilet paper roll holder on the edge of your craft table to hold your crochet balls. It makes it easy to dispense yarn as your work on your project. If you want to use more than one color at the same time, you can install a more than one toilet paper holder. To See More ThriftyFun Craft Tips, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Craft%20Tips_357.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The tiresome jury selection process continued, each side hotly contesting and dismissing potential jurors. Another man was called for his question session. "Property holder?" "Yes, I am, Your Honor." "Married or single?" "Married for twenty years, Your Honor." "Formed or expressed an opinion?" "Not in twenty years, Your Honor."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: FREE Teacher Supplies: Also check out Lessontutor.com
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Browser crashes 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  August 18, 2008

Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do anything. --- John Kenneth Galbraith
A busload of new recruits arrived at the reception center, and was greeted by an old drill sergeant. He began his speech: "Welcome to Fort Dix, men. From now on, I want you to think of the Army as your family and as your home." Hearing this, one of the recruits broke formation, sat down and lit a cigarette. "Private, what on earth are you doing?" asked the sergeant. "Well," said the private, "I'm just making myself at home. Like you said, this is my home." Thinking fast, the sergeant said, "Son, you listen good, and you're right. This is your home. So, as soon as you finish that cigarette, I want you to report to the mess hall to help your mother with the dishes for the next two weeks."
Thanks to Jai for this picture: : A photo I took of a butterfly on my Zinnia. It is in the Fritillary family, I do not know exactly which one tho. Jai...>^.^<...
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a burglar in Wichita, Kansas Sent in by Ross Burglar flees in boxers, with jeans left in washer A Kansas burglar apparently likes to be clean - but isn't so good about clean getaways. Police in Wichita say it appears a man broke into a house Friday night to wash his clothes but fled in boxers, with his jeans still in the washer. Here's what happened: A woman reported that she returned home, found her basement laundry room in disarray and went upstairs to call her husband. That's when a man wearing only blue boxer shorts came upstairs, grabbed her purse and ran out the door. Police Sgt. Diane Varnell says the woman chased him and recovered her purse, but the burglar is still on the loose. http://www.bakersfield.com/917/story/525830.html
Every morning for years, at about 11:30, the telephone operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call from a man asking the exact time. One day the operator summed up nerve enough to ask him why the regularity. "I'm foreman of the local sawmill," he explained. "Every day I have to blow the whistle at noon so I call you to get the exact time." The operator giggled, "That's really funny," she said. "All this time we've been setting our clock by your whistle.
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Harry Re: IE crashing Dear Webby I run my machine as clean as fresh out of the box, but about two or three times a day, IE crashes. What is the cause of that? Harry Dear Harry the cause of that is sloppy programming. There is nothing you can do about it. It happens to me too, and seems to be related to some of the piece-meal bits of the SP3 that Microsoft rams down our hard drives with the regular updates. I don't think they are purposely trying to poison XP, it seems to be just routine klutziness. Just use FireFox. If you visit exactly the same sites in the same time period with FireFox, there won't be a single browser crash. For those sites that require IE, you can use Maxthon, the Chinese IE clone. It seems to be more stable than the original IE. Have FUN! DearWebby

The owner of a business was confused about paying a bill, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help... "If I were to give you $200, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her. The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organizing Baby Clothes Baby or toddler clothes often come in outfits, matching top and bottom, maybe even a hat and socks. To easily keep these items together, fold them and put them in large zip-lock bags before putting them away. You will be able to easily see the outfit and the bags and be used over and over again. For More Organizing Clothing Tips on ThriftyFun, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Organizing_Cl ... 9_679.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

I have a friend who filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station. After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost. Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn't find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit. Sure enough, he hadn't been searching long when he found a gas cap. He tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click. "Great," he thought, "I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits. And this one's even better, because it locks..."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: World's largest truck stop
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Saving to CD 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  August 17, 2008

Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off. --- Ellen DeGeneres My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. --- Rodney Dangerfield
A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the young couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?" "I would love to," replied the husband, "but I don't know her well enough..."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: :
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a school teacher in Haverfordwest, England Woman ‘tricked into sex’ by penis cream treatment A Syrian-born airline pilot allegedly tricked a schoolteacher from Haverfordwest into having sex with him by pretending he had to administer ointment on the end of his penis, a jury heard Tuesday. The teacher claims she put up with the treatment for nine months before telling her doctor. Sbano was arrested at Heathrow while attending a pilots' training facility. He claimed the woman had invented the entire story about the "treatment". Sbano, from Harrow, London, denies nine charges of rape and 11 or obtaining money by deception. During the trial, the prosecution had alleged that Syrian-born Mr Sbano fooled the woman into believing he could cure her herpes by having sex using cream. He was also accused of deceiving both the woman and her mother into giving him thousands of pounds to buy the cream and to receive treatment for cancer. The trial ended before Mr Sbano could give evidence, when the judge halted it because "matters had come to light which would require more investigation". http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/6611735.stm
A boy was smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air. A girl standing next to him got irritated with the smoke and said to the boy "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarette package, smoking may be bad for your health" ? The boy replied: "I am a software engineer. we don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors"
A wife is sitting in the living room watching TV, when all of a sudden she hears her husband in the bedroom, swearing up a storm. He is using every bad word in the book. The wife runs into the bedroom to see what is going on. She finds her husband just sitting on the bed. She asks her husband, "honey, what happened? Did you fall down and get hurt or something?" The husband looks up and replies, "no, I'm fine. I'm just practicing." The wife gets a real confused look on her face, and said, "practicing? Practicing for what?" Then the husband says, "The company golf tournament tomorrow!"
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mary Re: Save to CD OK I give up......I have been trying to figure out how to file to a CD. I have lots of recipes on my hard drive that I need to remove to another file (a CD). I have read the directions from the book that came with my computer....& I just can't figure out how to file to a CD. I have Outlook Express and Word XP on computer. There has got to be a simple easy way to do this. Can you help me? Mary in FL Dear Mary First save those files to an easy to find location, for example a desktop folder. Then put a writable CD into the burner. After a few seconds a File Explorer window will open, showing you the CD. Squish that File explorer window to the side, so that you can see it, and the desktop folder with the recipes. Highlight the recipe folder, hold down CTRL, and drag it to the File Explorer window that shows the CD. Don't take the CD out yet! Right-click in the File Explorer window and select "Write these files to CD". They are just ready to be written, but not completely nailed down yet. At this stage you can still weed out stuff like thumbs.db and similar accidentally copied but not needed files. After you click on "Write these files to CD", it is too late. Then they are already burned onto the CD. Once the burning has been completed, the CD tray usually opens automatically. Have FUN! DearWebby

A man is on his death bed with his wife by his side. In his faint, dying breath he tells her that there are two times he suspects she cheated on him and he would like to know the truth, the whole truth, before he dies. Rather hesitantly, she agrees to tell him everything ... the full truth. "Well first," she begins, "remember when you lost your job and a week later you got it back with a big raise?" He slowly nods understandingly. Then she tells him, "Do you remember when the IRS was going to do the big audit on you and a week later they dropped the audit and gave us a big refund instead?" He again weakly nods in understanding. Then he strains to ask, "Were there any more times that you cheated on me." Even more hesitantly, she says "Yes dear. There was just one more time." "Ohhhh," he sighs in agony. "You must tell me." "Ok ... but only because you insist, dear," she stammers. "Remember the time when you were elected president of the golf club, but you were so sure you were going to lose by 23 votes?" "Oh yes ... I remember," winced the dying old man. SUDDENLY, he shot up in his bed and exclaimed, "DAMN ... and I won by 45 votes!!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ironing Tip: Scorched Clothing If you accidentally scorch a cotton shirt with an iron, you may be able to save it. Quickly put the shirt in ice cold water and let it soak overnight. Then treat the stain and wash as normal. For More Laundry Tips on ThriftyFun, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_Laundry_296_318.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A church had a man in the choir who couldn't sing. Several people hinted to him that he could serve in other places, but he continued to come to the choir. The choir director became desperate and went to the priest. "You've got to get that man out of the choir," he said. "If you don't, I'm going to resign. The choir members are going to quit too. Please do something." So the priest went to the man and suggested, "Perhaps you should leave the choir." "Why should I get out of the choir?" he asked. "Well, five or six people have told me you can't sing." That's nothing," the man snorted. "Fifty people have told me that you can't preach!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Art of Zaremba: (be sure to check out the galleries!)
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Fake invitations 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  August 16, 2008

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings. --- Evan Esar
Thanks to Sandie for this story: I was talking on the phone with my son, who was stationed in Hawaii with the Air Force. He was explaining how the troops were learning to scuba-dive. "We used the buddy system," he said, "and occasionally dived into shark-infested waters." Listening on the extension, my daughter asked, "What do you do if you see a shark?" My son said, "Swim faster than my buddy."
Thanks to Noella for sending this picture taken by her son David with his cell phone: :
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Holly Highfield of Jacksonville, Florida Not safe to be let out in public JACKSONVILLE, Fla. (UPI) -- Police in Jacksonville, Fla., said they arrested a woman who allegedly crashed two cars and hit a bicyclist before fleeing authorities in the nude. Holly Highfield allegedly struck a bicyclist intentionally with her SUV before stripping off her clothes and allegedly attempting to make a getaway in another vehicle, WJXT-TV, Jacksonville, Fla., reported Tuesday. Children who were in the SUV with Highfield prior to the incident said she pointed out the bicyclist before striking him with the vehicle. "Do you think this biker is going to get hit? Do you have faith? Are you afraid?" she allegedly asked the children before steering the vehicle to strike the cyclist. A couple riding in a van stopped to help the bicyclist, who was hospitalized with non-life-threatening injuries, and police said Highfield jumped into the van and attempted to drive off but was foiled when the vehicle hit a nearby fence. Highfield, who police said appeared to be under the influence of drugs, was arrested and charged with battery, carjacking, driving under the influence while accompanied by a minor and DUI while causing damage to property. Other charges may be added. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
Thanks to Sandie for this story: I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where my husband was stationed in the military. As I checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked me some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages you didn't pack yourself?" he asked. I told him that my mother-in-law had given me a parcel to take to her son. He looked at me very carefully and slowly asked, "Your mother-in-law? Does she like you? Maybe we better have some experts look at that package!"
The census taker rang the doorbell and was quite surprised when the door was opened by a nude woman. "Don't be alarmed," she said, "I'm a nudist." Although somewhat embarrassed, the man proceeded to ask the routine questions. When his asked, "How many children do you have?" The lady replied, "Ten." "Lady," he gasped, "you're not a nudist, you just don't have time to get dressed!"
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Denise Re: Fake invitation Dear Webby, Thanks Webby for all your info and funnies. I received an email from a known email address, inviting me to join WAYN.com. Can you tell me about this WAYN.com Denny Dear Denise Never heard of it. Let the owner of that "known email address" tell you all about it. Stuff like that I dump instantly. If somebody is too lazy to tell me about it, but just wants to collect for finding yet another dumb sucker, then they can stuff it where the sun don't shine. Now they are probably sending out "invitations" with your address forged in. Yeah, I am an ornery old goat, but when it comes to weird sites, that attitude comes in handy. Have FUN! DearWebby Thanks Webby for your very prompt reply. I forgot to mention that my friend did not send me the email, however it came from her email address. I emailed her and she told me that she did not send the email and did not know anything about WAYN.com Thanks Denise

Once in a corner near the fireplace, Uncle Ezra had been working industriously with a stub pencil and a piece of paper. Suddenly he looked up and smiled. He exclaimed, "Doggoned it Maw, I done learned to write." Maw got up and looked over his shoulder at the lines scrawled across the paper. "What does it say?" Maw asked. Uncle Ezra said, "I don't know, I ain't learned to read yet."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shopping For Back To School Clothing Before shopping for clothes, take stock of what you have, starting with the oldest child first.Then make a list of the items that are needed and establish a budget. If at all possible, try to do the bulk of your back to school shopping a week after school starts. Visit ThriftyFun for more Back To School Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Back%20To%20School_2.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Two elderly people are living in a Florida mobile home park. He's a widower and she's a widow. They've known each other for quite a number of years. One evening there's a community supper and these two are at the same table. As the meal goes on, he gives her a few admiring glances and finally gathers up the gumption to ask her: "Will you marry me?" After a few seconds of 'careful consideration,' she smiles: "Yes, Yes, I will!" Their meal ends and with a few more pleasant exchanges they return to their respective residences. Next morning, the old man is troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He can't remember. Try as he will, he just can't bring it back. With trepidation, he goes to the telephone and calls her. First, he explains to her that he doesn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviews their lovely evening together. As he gains a little more courage, he inquires, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?" To his great delight he hears her say "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continues, "And I am so glad that you called, dear, because I couldn't remember who asked me!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Cloud Appreciation Society
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Running programs on removeable drives 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  August 15, 2008

Today is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening. --- Barbara Tober
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A bricklayer at my husband's construction job routinely complained about the contents of his lunch box. "I'm sick and tired of getting the same old thing!" he shouted one day. "Tonight, I'll set my wife straight." The next day, the men could hardly wait until lunchtime to hear what happened. "You bet I told her off," the bricklayer boasted. "I said, 'No more of the same old stuff. Be creative!' We had one heck of a fight, but I got my point across." He had indeed. In front of an admiring audience, he opened his lunch box to find that his wife had packed a coconut and a hammer. He is now dating the sandwich girl from the Deli.
Thanks to Verue in Louisiana for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Candy Klein, 37, of Rapid City, South Dakota Drunk driver asked deputy for help STURGIS, S.D. (UPI) -- An alleged drunken driver near Sturgis, S.D., stopped for directions at a residence that turned out to be the home of a sheriff's deputy, authorities said. Meade County Sheriff Ron Merwin said Candy Klein, 37, became lost while allegedly driving under the influence of alcohol and stopped for directions at a home of a female sheriff's deputy, the Rapid City Journal reported. Merwin said the deputy, whose name was not released, suspected Klein was intoxicated and refused to allow her to drive. He said the suspect then became enraged and attacked the deputy. The sheriff said Klein was arrested and charged with felony driving under the influence and simple assault of a law enforcement officer. Suspect allegedly stole clothes to hide. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
My sister had been ill, so I called to see how she was doing. My ten-year-old niece answered the phone 'Hello,' she whispered. 'Hi, honey. How's your mother?' I asked. 'She's sleeping,' she answered, again in a whisper. 'Did she go to the doctor?' I asked. 'Yes. She got some medicine,' my niece said softly. 'Well, don't wake her up. Just tell her I called. What are you doing, by the way?' Again in a soft whisper, she answered, 'Practicing my trumpet.'
Thanks to Cookie for this story: On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson asked my son the question. 'Dad, I know that babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?' he asked innocently. After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust. 'You don't have to make something up, Dad. It's OK if you don't know the answer.'
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Roland Re: Running programs on a removable drive Dear Webby, I have given up on CD's, as you say you can only rewrite a few times, found that a Attaché USB 2.0 Drive is just what I need. Another question on this, could one down load QUICKEN on this and keep it off the main drive? Roland Dear Roland Yes, sure. Just select the E: drive as the drive to install it to. When it is plugged in, it acts just like any other hard drive. You can run any program, even the Operating System, on any drive. Because most viruses and trojans look for the Windows registry on the C: drive, I frequently partition the primary hard drive into C: and E:, and put XP onto the E: drive. Some programs need access to the Windows Registry to hide their serial number and pass codes, but the bulk of the program, and especially the data produced by it, can be on any drive. Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to Cookie for tis story: My wife left the car unattended for only a minute, but it was long enough for our two-year-old to climb in, throw the car into reverse and crash into a lamppost. He was fine, but the car wasn't, and I had a hard time explaining who was behind the wheel to the insurance company. After a pause, the adjuster asked, 'Do you let him drive often?'

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Back To School Schedules Create a back to school schedule for the family to help eliminate the stress of starting school again. Write down what time everyone should wake up to make sure they can eat, shower, get dressed and get out the door on time with the least amount of stress. Visit ThriftyFun for more Back To School Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Back%20To%20School_2.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A lunatic is sitting in his cell playing solitaire. Another patient, who has been watching, suddenly cries, "Wait a minute! I just caught you cheating yourself." The first man puts his finger to his lips. "Shhh," he whispers. "Don't tell anybody, but I've been cheating myself at solitaire for years." "You don't say," says his surprised pal. "Don't you ever catch yourself cheating?" The first man shakes his head. "Naw," he says proudly. "I'm much too clever."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Sea Eagle and tennis balls
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Storage Media 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  August 14, 2008

Tomorrow is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought. --- Albert Szent-Gyorgyi Every man serves a useful purpose: A miser, for example, makes a wonderful ancestor. --- Laurence J. Peter
The teacher asked, "Johnny, did your mother help you with your homework last night?" Little Johnny said, "No, she did it all."
Thanks to Joan for forwarding this picture by her friend Shari: Double rainbow over Big Lake, Alaska
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brendon Alan Erhardt, 39, Sent in by Ross Australian man with rifle and 10lbs of pot caught driving over 90mph while taping himself masturbating Father of three Brendon Alan Erhardt, 39, told the court he was masturbating before being pulled over by police for driving over 90mph and recording himself on video as well. Erhardt -- who was disqualified from driving -- also told officers his act was "not dangerous'' as the "only person he could hurt was himself''. In the car was a loaded .22 rifle, a cooler in the trunk containing over 10 pounds of cannabis, drug pipes, and a back seat with cannabis plants on it. The "visibly agitated" Erhardt said he planned on smoking it all at home in Noonamah, Australia. He said the drugs were found at a rest stop, and that the rifle was for shooting kangaroos as he drove. Brendon Alan Erhardt, 39, was granted bail so he could marry his girlfriend of six months before he goes to jail. Details are at http://www.ntnews.com.au/article/2008/0 ... tnews.html
Help wanted ad in the Orlando, Florida SENTINEL: Shed delivery person - must be smarter than a large box.
A woman told a marriage counselor that her husband's complaint that he leads a dog's life is probably well founded. "He comes in the house with muddy feet," she said, "tracks across my clean floors, barks at nothing, growls at his food and makes himself comfortable on my best furniture."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: Storage media Hi Webby, I guess I'm still in the dark ages. I either save documents to my hard drive or to my A drive on a floppy. I want to get more modern, but am not sure about CD's. I know one can save information on a CD but can you write over it, such as to edit a document? Thanks ....... Carol Dear Carol There ARE re-writabe CD's, but there is a limit to how often you can re-write them. They tend to become useless without warning. A much better solution is to buy a USB hard drive enclosure and stick a hard drive into it. Quite often the drive from a retired machine is good enough for that. You can also get brand new drives now at incredible bargains. I have seen 500 GB drives advertised for around $100. Check priceGrabber for a store near you. You probably have a 20 or 40 GB drive now. Imagine the storage on a 250 GB or 500 GB drive! Have FUN! DearWebby

An aspiring young actor asked a young lady's father if he could have his daughter's hand in marriage. The father said, "I would never let my daughter marry an actor." The actor said, "Sir, I think you may change your mind if you see me perform. Won't you at least come and see the play?" So the father went to see the play, and the next day he called the actor, "You were right. I did change my mind. Go ahead and marry my daughter. You're no actor. Don't give up your day job just yet!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Pen Ink From Leaking in Your Purse One easy way to prevent pen ink from leaking in your purse or briefcase is to store your pens in a plastic travel toothbrush holder. Even pens with caps can sometimes break and leak. Visit ThriftyFun For More Helpful Ideas. http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Visit ThriftyFun for more Back To School Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Back%20To%20School_2.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

I was on a panel for prospective jury duty. The first lawyer questioning us began right off as an intimidating showman. When he came to his question, "Do any of you here today dislike lawyers?" Before the pause became too long, the judge announced, "I do."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Denali Park
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: RoboForm 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  August 13, 2008

Advertising is the modern substitute for argument; its function is to make the worse appear the better. --- George Santayana
Thanks to Cookie for bringing back this Classic: A new priest, born and raised in Texas, is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple of confessions' and then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions. The old priest suggests, 'Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand and try saying things like 'yes, I see,' and 'yes, go on,' and 'I understand.' The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with his hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest. The old priest says, 'Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying, 'No sh**... what happened next?'
Thanks to Guinn and JoAnn for this picture: Today's picture of a hawk is indeed a Cooper's. We also have a resident Cooper's and , beliefve it or not, we were preparing to send OUR picture to you today also! Guinn and JoAnn
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kirk Gossett in Gilbert, Arizona Too dumb to use an umbrella GILBERT, Ariz. (UPI) -- The insurer for an Arizona high school has rejected a father's claim for damages because this year's graduation ceremony was held in the rain. Kirk Gossett sought $400 from the Arizona School Risk Retention Trust for a sports coat he says was ruined while he watched his son graduate from Gilbert High School and for the cost of flying his daughter from Utah for the ceremony, The Arizona Republic reports. Insurance adjuster Thomas Mullen, in a letter rejecting the claim, said that the high school made a "good faith effort" to hold the ceremony and to do the best by its graduates and their families. While some schools in the area moved graduation indoors because of the unexpected, and, for Arizona, unusual, rain, Gilbert officials decided to go ahead with an outdoor ceremony. "The fact that it rained and caused some disruption and an abbreviated ceremony is unfortunate but does not create a liability," Mullen said. Assistant Gilbert Superintendent Clyde Dangerfield said the rain was the first he has seen on graduation day in 15 years in the town. He said Gossett's claim was a first too.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: I heard the dog barking before he and his owner actually barreled into our vet practice. Spotting a training video we sell, the owner wisely decided to buy one. "How does this work?" she asked, handing me a check. "Do I just have him watch this?"
The world's first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew. The plane taxied to the loading area automatically, its doors opened automatically, the steps came out automatically. The passengers boarded the plane and took their seats. The steps retreated automatically, the doors closed, and the airplane taxied toward the runway. "Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen," a computer voice intoned. "Welcome to the debut of the world's first fully computerized airliner. Everything on this aircraft is run electronically. Just sit back and relax. Nothing can go wrong ... Nothing can go wrong...nothing can go wrong...."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Robert Re: RoboForm Thank you for the info but is this Roboform for anyone such as an armature like me that is new to the Internet also do they charge. Dear Robert Yes, RoboForm is 100% safe. I would not give them a link in the Humor Letter every day, if it was not perfectly safe. I have used it for many years, and would be totally lost without it. And Yes, anybody can use Roboform. The free version is for amateurs and small businesses, and they have a paid version for big business. Both work fine and are easy to use. You can get the free version at http://webby.com/roboform or from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools. Have FUN! DearWebby

Why do Italian organ grinders always have a monkey with them? Somebody has to do the bookkeeping.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Peeling Hard-Cooked Eggs Tap the egg on the counter all over to crack the eggshell in several places. Rub the cracked egg between your hands to loosen the eggshell. Then dip the egg in a bowl of ice cold water and begin peeling. Don't forget to add the shells to the compost or some of your houseplants! Visit ThriftyFun For More Food Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... o_916.html Visit ThriftyFun for more Back To School Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Back%20To%20School_2.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Dear Mom and Dad, We are having a great time here at Lake Typhoid. Scoutmaster Webb is making us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and were worried. We are okay. Only 1 of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it happened. Oh yes, please call Chad's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the Search and Rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Webb got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas can will blow up? The wet wood still didn't burn, but one of our tents did, also, some of our clothes. John is going to look weird until his hair grows back. We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Webb gets the car fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked just fine when we left. Scoutmaster Webb said that when a car is that old, you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance on it. We think it's a neat car. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if its hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the tailgate. It gets pretty hot with 10 people in a car. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrolman stopped and talked to us. Scoutmaster Webb is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Terry how to drive. But he only lets him drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we ever see up there are logging trucks. This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake. Scoutmaster Webb wouldn't let me because I can't swim and Chad was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood. Scoutmaster Webb isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad when we lost the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the car, so we are trying not to cause him any trouble. He said next time he is going to steal a much newer one. Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Dave dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Also Wade and I threw up. Scoutmaster Webb said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. I have to go now. We are going into town to mail our letters and buy bullets and dynamite. Don't worry about anything. We are fine. Love, Cole P.S. How long has it been since I had a tetanus shot?

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Untamed Animal Photos
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: PowerPoint Defaults 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  August 12, 2008

Watch for falling stars tonight!
Thanks to Sandie for this story: The other day, my wife and I got into some petty argument. (I say it was petty. She would say it was Armageddon). As is our nature, neither of us would admit the possibility, that we might be in error. To her credit, she finally said, "Look, I'll tell you what. I'll admit I'm wrong if you admit I was right." "Fine," I said. She took a deep breath, looked me in the eye and said, "I'm wrong." I grinned and replied, "You're right."
Thanks to Joan for this picture: IN OUR 5 acre yard.... this is a YOUNG COOPERS HAWK... (we think) He and another one have been hanging around for about a week or ten days. I caught them playing together one day. Joan
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Alaska's Division of Elections Sent in by Ross Kodiak voters get Tagalog election pamphlets Many Kodiak residents were a bit confused when they received election pamphlets urging them to "Bumoto!" The pamphlets for four ballot initiatives being decided Aug. 26 weren't in English but in Tagalog, a language widely spoken in the Philippines. An apparent mix-up at the printers was discovered when a resident called Alaska's Division of Elections looking for an English version. Division of Elections spokeswoman Shelly Growden expects pamphlets printed in English to be in voters' mailboxes shortly after the election. Meanwhile, both English and Tagalog versions of the pamphlet are available on the division's Web site: http://www.elections.alaska.gov.
A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role. "Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong."
A travelling salesman finds himself stranded in the tiniest town in Australia. He knocks on the door of a little hotel. "Sorry, we don't have a spare room," says the manager, "but you're welcome to share with a little red-headed schoolteacher, if that's okay." "Oh, that'll be great," says the salesman, grinning from ear to ear. "And don't worry, I'll be a real gentleman." "Just as well," says the manager. "So will the little red-headed schoolteacher."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: Powerpoint defaults Dear Webby; I have Open Office, as you suggest, and also power point, however when I open a PP type presentation it opens in Open Office and I would much prefer the PP presentation. How do I configure Open Office so PP is the "prefered" program for those presentations please without having to go to the F5 key.. Thanks as always for your help. Ann Dear Ann By default, a.ppt file opens as an automatically running slide show, pps opens as a working view with the thumbnails on the left and the big pictures on the right. If you want a file to always open as a running slide show, just rename it's extension to ppt. That doesn't change the file, it just tells programs how you want them to open that file. Have FUN! DearWebby

I can't say I've ever gotten a shave from a barber, but I've seen others who have. I was in a shop once, and an obviously new barber nicked a customer several times while giving him a shave. The new man, in an effort to smooth things over asked solicitously, "Do you want your head wrapped in a hot towel?" "No thanks." said the customer. "I'll carry it home under my arm."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Going to a New School If your kids are going to new school, take a tour of the campus before school starts so they can get a feel for the layout. It will make their first day of school much less stressful if they know the lay of the land. Check with your school to see if they offer an orientation for new students. Visit ThriftyFun for more Back To School Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Back%20To%20School_2.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Our high school principal has each teacher report class attendance over the intercom. The instructor must state the number of students present by gender, for example, "I have fourteen boys and thirteen girls in attendance." One day our principal was more than a little miffed at having to remind several teachers of the correct procedure. He was apparently somewhat forgetful, too, when he checked on the girls' physical-education instructor. "I have twenty- seven pupils present, sir," she announced. "Lady," he shouted through the intercom, "I need sex!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: 50th Anniversary of NASA
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Power Point Problems 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  August 11, 2008

Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable. --- Fran Lebowitz Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. --- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
You're in incredible shape," the doctor said. "How old did you say you are?" "I am seventy-eight," the man said proudly. "Seventy-eight!" the doctor exclaimed. "That's great. You look like a sixty year old. How do you stay so healthy?" The old man explained, "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married. Whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down." "What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor. And the old man said, "I've pretty much lived an outdoor life."
This restaraunt owner in China used an online translation site to translate the name of his shop for the Olympics.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to an Israeli couple currently in Paris 'Don't we have five children?' Staff at an airport in Israel have found a three-year-old girl alone in a duty-free shop after her parents accidentally took a plane without her. The parents boarded the flight to Paris from Ben Gurion Airport with four of their five children, reports the BBC. The parents did not realise their mistake until the captain of the plane informed them after take-off, according to police. The girl was put on the next flight to Paris. The parents will be questioned when they return to Israel. "It is usual that travellers in a rush forget their luggage but not a child. This never happens," a police official said.
Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History were marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asked the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?" The guard replied, "They are 3 million, four years, and six months old." "That's an awfully exact number," said the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?" The guard said, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."
I stopped at the local Burger King for a cold drink and was reading the menu over the counter. I noticed a sign to the side that stated "Picture Menu Available". I had to ask the clerk what it was for and she told me that they had a number of customers who couldn't read and they used that. Of course, I asked how they would know this picture menu was available and her answer was the classic, "Well, it says so on the sign, doesn't it?"
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Hank Re: Powerpoint viewer problem Dear Webby; Thanks for your help with the everyday problems of PC use. For some reason, I can no longer view Powerpoint links sent to me by friends. I have downloaded the MS links that are available (Powerpoint viewing, etc). I have MS Word (2003) and MS Works. Now when slide presentations are sent me I get the first picture and then a box asking for me 13 (or however many) Product code #'s. What is my best solution? Thanks in advance for your help. hank Dear Hank Just get Open Office from http://download.openoffice.org/ It has a PPT reader included. I haven't used the Microsoft PPT reader in years. Have FUN! DearWebby

A young mother of a newborn girl announced to her husband, "I've made up my mind. We'll call our daughter Eulalia." The new father did not care for this choice at all, but he was a very tactful young man. He said, "That's fine, honey. The first girl I loved was named Eulalia, and it will evoke pleasant memories." The wife was silent for a moment, then said, "We'll call her Mary after my mother."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ironing Tip: Ironing Ribbons When ironing ribbons that are difficult to lay flat try holding the end of the ribbon down with your thumb and pull the iron towards you. It's much easier than trying to push the iron forward over an unruly and wrinkled ribbon. Visit ThriftyFun For More Clothing And Laundry Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_Laundry_296_318.html Visit ThriftyFun For More Summer Fun Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Parenting_Sum ... _4980.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

I saw a news story about a family of ten in Tennessee who were struck by lightning at the burial of one of their family members. Was this God's way of telling the preacher not to lie? "We all know Billy-Bob was a GOOD man . . . " KAZZZZAAAP! "Ok, ok, he was a devoted father . . . " KAZZZAAAAP! "Jesus!" ZAAAP! "Look, we're all just relieved he was wearing clothes when we found him!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Molly, Symbol of Hope
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Remove antivirus 2009 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  August 10, 2008

A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic. --- Joseph Stalin Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer. --- Rita Mae Brown Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. --- Socratex
Two older gentleman were talking and one said to the other, "You're having an anniversary soon, right?" The other replied, "Yup, a big one... 20 years." "Wow," said the other, "what are you going to get your wife for your anniversary?" The other replied, "We're going on a trip to Australia." "Wow, Australia, that's some gift!" said the other man. "That's going to be hard to beat. What are you going to do for your 25th anniversary?" "Go back and get her."
Thanks to Eric for sendng this picture: This restaraunt owner in China used an online translation site to translate the name of his shop for the Olympics.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Teah Limitone, 22, of Seminole, Florida Nude passenger leads to five-car crash SEMINOLE, Fla. (UPI) -- Authorities in Seminole, Fla., said a five-car wreck was caused by a motorist who was distracted by a naked woman changing clothes in her back seat. Pinellas County sheriff's deputies said Teah Limitone, 22, was traveling north in the middle lane of Seminole Boulevard when she heard her changing passenger, Ayla Gabriel, make a distressed-sounding noise, the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times reported. The deputies said Limitone turned her head to see if Gabriel was alright and ran a red light while she was not looking at the nude Ayla instead of the road. Limitone's 2003 Acura struck a 2000 Saturn in the intersection before sliding between two cars in the southbound lanes and striking a fourth vehicle. Deputies said Limitone was issued a citation for running a red light after the July 21 incident. No serious injuries were reported.
A modern Orthodox Jewish couple, Preparing for a religious wedding Meets with their rabbi for counseling. The rabbi asks if they have any last questions before they leave. The man asks, "Rabbi, we realize it's tradition For men to dance with men, and Women to dance with women at the reception. But we'd like your permission to dance together, like the rest of the world. "Absolutely not," says the rabbi. "It's immodest. Men and women always dance separately." "So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?" "No," answered the rabbi. "It's forbidden." "Well, okay," says the man, "What about sex? Can we finally have sex?" "Of course!" replies the rabbi. "Sex is a mitzvah a good thing within marriage, To have children!" "What about different positions?" Asks the man "No problem," says the rabbi "It's a mitzvah!" "Woman on top?" the man asks. "Sure," says the rabbi. "Go for it! It's a mitzvah!" "Doggy style?" "Sure! Another mitzvah!" "On the kitchen table?" "Yes, yes! A mitzvah!" "Can we do it on rubber sheets With a bottle of hot oil, A couple of vibrators, A leather harness, A bucket of honey and a porno video?" "You may indeed. It's all a mitzvah!" "Can we do it standing up?" "No." says the rabbi." "Why not?" asks the man. "Could lead to dancing!"
Morty and Saul, are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking. Saul the banker says to Morty, "So listen, Morty, you know I don't swim so well." Morty remembered how to carry another swimmer from his lifeguard class when he was just a kid. So Morty is begins tugging Saul toward shore. After twenty minutes, he begins to tire. Finally about 50 feet from shore, Morty asks Saul, "So Saul, do you suppose you could float alone?" Saul replies, "Morty, this is a hell of a time to be asking for money!"
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dianne Re: antivirus 2009 If you get a PopUp that mentions antivirus 2009, don't click Yes, and don't click No. Close it, shut down or pull the plug. But don't click anywhere in that pop-up. It is ransom ware, they demand money to get rid of it. Dianne Dear Dianne antivirus2009 is a clone of antivirus2008 and just as difficult to remove, if you don't have top tier protection. The least painful removal is with Anti-Malware from Malwarebytes Have FUN! DearWebby

The priest was instructing a class of third-graders at All Saints grammar school. "There were two brothers, and one of them chose the wicked path of Satan. The brother was evil and corrupt and did great damage to many people, and wound up a convicted criminal. "But the other brother studied hard and became a successful, knowledgeable lawyer. "Now, children, what is the difference between these two brothers, who both started out in the same place?" Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Easy. One of them got caught."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shopping for Back To School Supplies Take stock of what school supplies you already have, check that against the list provided by the school. Most schools now post their school supply lists online and at office supply stores. You can find great deals on school supplies after school starts when stores mark down their leftover stock. Visit ThriftyFun for more Back To School Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Back%20To%20School_2.html Visit ThriftyFun For More Summer Fun Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Parenting_Sum ... _4980.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A cute young woman was giving a manicure to a man in the barber shop. The man said, "How about a date later?" "I'm married," she answered. With a wink he said, "So, just tell him you're going out with your girlfriends." "Tell him yourself," she said, "he's shaving you."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Old cars and trucks
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Fake IE7 nudge 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  August 9, 2008

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. --- Herm Albright
"I play golf in the low 80's," the little old man was telling one of the young boys at the club. "Wow," said the young man, "that's pretty impressive." "Not really," said the little old man. "Any hotter and I'd probably have a stroke."
Thanks to Bernie for sendng this picture of a hot squirrel:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 26 teen cheerleaders in Texas 26 teen cheerleaders rescued from elevator How many cheerleaders can cram into an elevator? Apparently not 26. A group of teenage girls attending a cheerleading camp on the University of Texas got stuck and had to be rescued after trying to squeeze into an elevator at a residence hall Tuesday night. One girl fainted and was treated at a hospital and released. Two others were treated at the scene. The elevator doors refused to open after the pack of 14- to 17-year-olds descended from the fourth to the first floor, police said. Responding to a few panicked cell phone calls from the group, police and firefighters summoned an elevator repairman, who spent about 25 minutes extricating them. Campus officials weren't amused. "It's dangerous, actually," said a school police spokeswoman, Rhonda Weldon. "They're lucky that that's all that happened."
Little Johnny had bought Grandma a book for her birthday and wanted to write a suitable inscription. He racked his brain until suddenly he remembered that his father had a book with an inscription of which he was very proud, so Johnny decided to copy it. You can imagine Grandma's surprise when she opened her book, a Bible, and found neatly inscribed the following phrase: "To Grandma, with the compliments of the author."
There was this gracious lady mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Microsoft Re: IE7 latest version I had a good laugh today. Emails from from "admin@microsoft.com", not asking me to stop pointing out Vista problems, but inviting me to download the latest version of IE7 ! DUH! I use and recommend the IE7 BLOCKER. Why would I want to download the latest version of a program that I am blocking? MailWasher flagged them as spam, but the sender name caught my eye. Closer inspection revealed that the sender address was From: "admin@microsoft.com" That was what had triggered MailWasher. The download link didn't go to Microsoft either. It went to dariocondes.iespana.es/images/update.exe The site appears to be a juvenile dating site, that allows members to upload their images, or vicious trojans. They are too dumb to restrict uploads to JPG or GIF. If you see ANY solicitation to update or upgrade, dump it. When you do want an update, use a fresh browser window and go straight to the vendor's site by typing it into the address bar. Don't jump there from a link. Have FUN! DearWebby

"The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks." "Was he successful?" "Yup, I had to sell my car to pay his bill."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Firewood Tips: Hardwood Burns Longers When getting firewood, remember hardwood will burn twice as long as softwood. So just because a cord of softwood might be cheaper doesn't mean you are getting a good deal. Examples of softwood: Pine, Fir, Cedar. Examples of hardwood: Oak, Ash, Madrona. Visit ThriftyFun For More Tips For Your Fireplace Or Stove http://www.thriftyfun.com/Home%20Improv ... 4_586.html Visit ThriftyFun For More Summer Fun Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Parenting_Sum ... _4980.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

As I left the grocery store, I noticed two little kids, maybe six or seven years old, selling candy bars in front of the store to raise money for their school band. "I'll buy a chocolate bar on one condition," I said to the boys. "You eat it for me." I bought one and handed the candy back to one of the boys. He shook his head. "I can't," he said. "Why not?" Looking me in the eye, he responded gravely, "I'm not supposed to take candy from strangers."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Old cars and trucks
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
For more ezines, check the Ezine Directory: The Ezine Directory Top 20 Ezines





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Dear Webby: CrapCleaner and passwords 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  August 8, 2008

Today is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

There are only two kinds of scholars; those who love ideas and those who hate them. --- Emile Chartier
Thanks to Dianne for bringing back this classic: As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her leather skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screamed, 'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!' The Texan smiled and drawled, 'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.'
Thanks to Marie for sendng this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jomo Sexton, 34 of Salinas, California Car thief turned in car jacker SALINAS, Calif. (UPI) -- Police said a Salinas, Calif., man stole a Chevy pickup truck only hours before the vehicle was taken from him at gunpoint. Police Cmdr. Kelly McMillin said Edward Bishop, 33, complained to police that after he stole the Chevrolet Silverado truck at about 1 a.m. Saturday, that later that day, another man, -- identified by police as Jomo Sexton, 34 -- entered the truck and pointed a gun at him. He told police Sexton made him drive around Salinas. When the truck ran out of gas, Jomo told Bishop to push the truck, at which point Bishop said he escaped and phoned police. Bishop was arrested on suspicion of vehicle theft and booked into the Monterey County Jail. Jomo Sexton was taken to a hospital for treatment after crashing the stolen truck into a flag pole in front of Salinas Fire Station II the next day, and was then released into police custody. He was arrested on suspicion of kidnapping, carjacking, reckless driving, driving under the influence, unlicensed driving, hit and run and violating his parole. "You couldn't make up something stranger than this," McMillin said. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
A woman with a baby came into the doctor's office. She was told to go into a room and wait for the doctor. After arriving, the doctor examined the baby and asked the woman, "Is he breast fed or on the bottle?" "Breast fed" she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist,"the doctor ordered. She did. He pressed, kneaded and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is hungry. You don't have any milk." "Naturally," she said, "I'm his Grandma. But I'm glad I came."
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: CrapCleaner and passwords Webby, I notice when I use Crap Cleaner, it wipes out all the passwords I have used before. Will it do that to Robo Form too if I download it? Carolyn Dear Carolyn You can check and uncheck a whole bunch of stuff in CrapCleaner. If you have a checkmark on Cookies, then of course all those passwords, that are held in cookies, are dumped. I don't use a checkmark on cookies. CrapCleaner does not interfere or mess with RoboForm at all. Roboform stores it's stuff securely encrypted in a special place, not in cookies. Have FUN! DearWebby

Mother: "Soooo... you want to become my son-in-law." Suitor: "No, not really, but I don't see any other way to marry your daughter."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Moving Check List Large markers to mark boxes. Free boxes from home improvement stores, liquor stores and grocery stores. A moving dolly. Moving blankets or old blankets for padding. Packing tape. Twine, rope or clothesline. Newspaper, newsprint, boxes and large plastic bags for packing items. Visit ThriftyFun For More Moving Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Organizing_Mo ... 9_693.html Visit ThriftyFun For More Summer Fun Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Parenting_Sum ... _4980.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man is a person who, if a woman says, "Never mind, I'll do it myself;" lets her. A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her; gets mad. A man is a person who, if a woman says to him, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her and she get mad; says, "Now what are you mad about?" A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her and she get mad, and he says, "Now what are mad about?" says "If you don't know I'm not going to tell you.

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Old cars and trucks
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
For more ezines, check the Ezine Directory: The Ezine Directory Top 20 Ezines





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