Registry problem alerts 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, January 8

Ezinefinder still has not been switched to 2015. 
It is still stuck in 2014
The Humor Letter got 15840 votes in 2014,
and my friend Ophelia got 4214 in 2014.

I am continuously amazed that Ophelia can't seem to
increase her subscriber numbers. Sure, she is a bit 
raunchy, but so are Playboy or Playgirl. It's a mystery.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Florida dad, who took his 5 month old baby along to 
a burglary
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1610 Galileo Galilei sighted four of Jupiter's moons. He 
 named them Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Callisto. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Some have been thought brave because they were afraid to run away. --- Thomas Fuller (1608 - 1661) Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. --- George Carlin (1937 - 2008) ______________________________________________________ Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby. "This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?" "No, Madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror." ______________________________________________________ The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarrelling with his neighbours, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them. "Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?" "Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss the folks I shoot at." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture That is carved from ice!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Corey Mathews, 22 607 7th Street North St. Petersburg Florida Florida Man, Accused Of Toting Baby To Home Burglary TAMPA, Fla. (Reuters) - A Florida man is accused of bringing his 5-month-old son to a home burglary attempt, during which he set the baby down so that he could pull a knife on the homeowner, police said on Tuesday. Corey Mathews, 22, was arrested on charges including aggregated assault and child neglect for his role in the attempted burglary on Monday evening, according to the St. Petersburg Police Department. Police said Mathews held his baby in a carseat as he acted as the lookout for another man trying to break into a home. Mathews yelled upon seeing the homeowner, and the other suspect fled. The homeowner followed Mathews down an alley, where he put the baby on the ground and threatened the owner with a knife, police said in a statement. Mathews was still carrying the infant when police later apprehended him, the statement said. Police say they found the knife he threatened the homeowner with on his person. Corey Mathews is now charged with residential burglary, aggravated assault, child neglect and violation of probation. The child is now in the custody of Mathew's mother, police said. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Hank Re: Registry problem alerts Dear Webby Thanks for all your help in the past and your Daily Humor Letter. I have "Smart PC Fixer" for my registry problems. I will run the Fixer, which states that my PC is at 100. Then some other "warning" will appear than my PC has a sever registry problem. I let them scan my PC and they give the results that I have problems. Is this just a scan or a scam? Thanks. hank Dear Hank That seems to be a scam. Try to find out which program is generating the fake alerts. Quite possibly your machine is infected with a hijacker. You might need Malwarebytes to get rid of that. Avast doesn't protect you against stuff like that. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dry Laundry Soap for Twenty Dollars a Year Homemade Laundry Deteregent using Borax and baking soda. Buy these ingredients at the dollar store. You will only need 2 tablespoons per load of laundry. Materials 3 bars of Fels Naptha soap 1 box of borax 1 box of washing soda 2 cups of baking soda 2 containers of Oxiclean Instructions First grate your soap, then mix all ingredients together. I used two garbage bags doubled up. Tie well and shake all your ingredients around a few times. Put into a container with a lid. You can add 1-2 containers of fabric softener crystals into the mix for a nice smell. By coville123 from Brockville, Ontario
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
Husband: I know you are having a lot of trouble with the baby, Dear, but keep in mind, "the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world." Wife: How about taking over the world for a few hours while I go shopping ? ______________________________________________________ Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said, "Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds." "Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend. "Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first."
24 exceptional ice sculptures.
I love the horses
coming out of the snow, what a fantasy world!

Today in 
1815 The Battle of New Orleans began. The War of 1812 had 
 officially ended on December 24, 1814, with the signing 
 of the Treaty of Ghent. The news of the signing had not 
 reached British troops in time to prevent their attack 
 on New Orleans. 
1838 Alfred Vail demonstrated a telegraph code he had 
 devised using dots and dashes as letters. The code 
 was the predecessor to Samuel Morse's code. 
1856 Borax (hydrated sodium borate) was discovered by 
 Dr. John Veatch. 
1877 Crazy Horse (Tashunca-uitco) and his warriors fought 
 their final battle against the U.S. Cavalry in Montana. 
1886 The Severn Railway Tunnel, Britain's longest, was opened. 
1889 The tabulating machine was patented by Dr. Herman 
 Hollerith. His firm, Tabulating Machine Company, later 
 became International Business Machines Corporation (IBM). 
1900 U.S. President McKinley placed Alaska under 
 military rule. 
1908 A catastrophic train collision occurred in the smoke-
 filled Park Avenue Tunnel in New York City. Seventeen 
 were killed and thirty-eight were injured. The accident 
 caused a public outcry and increased demand for electric trains. 
1935 The spectrophotometer was patented by A.C. Hardy. 
1973 Secret peace talks between the United States and North 
 Vietnam resumed near Paris, France. 
1973 The trial opened in Washington, of seven men accused of 
 bugging Democratic Party headquarters in the Watergate 
 apartment complex in Washington, DC. 
1982 American Telephone & Telegraph (AT&T) settled the Justice 
 Department's antitrust lawsuit against it by agreeing to divest 
 itself of the 22 Bell System companies. 
1982 The U.S. Justice Department withdrew an antitrust suit 
 against IBM. 
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush collapsed during a state 
 dinner in Tokyo. White House officials said Bush was 
 suffering from stomach flu. 
1994 Tonya Harding won the ladies' U.S. Figure Skating 
 Championship in Detroit, MI, a day after Nancy Kerrigan 
 dropped out because of a clubbing attack that injured her 
 right knee. The U.S. Figure Skating Association later 
 took the title from Harding because of her involvement 
 in the attack. 
1998 Ramzi Yousef was sentenced to life in prison for his role 
 of mastermind behind the World Trade Center bombing in New York. 
1998 Scientists announced that they had discovered that galaxies 
 were accelerating and moving apart and at faster speeds. 
1999 The top two executives of Salt Lake City's Olympic 
 Organizing Committee resigned amid disclosures that civic 
 boosters had given cash to members of the International 
 Olympic Committee. 
2009 In Egypt, archeologists entered a 4,300 year old pyramid 
 and discovered the mummy of Queen Sesheshet. 
2015  smiled.


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Music on Internet postcards 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, January 7

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to two
US Ski team members, who suicided on the 
day before the opening World Cup race
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1610 Galileo Galilei sighted four of Jupiter's moons. He 
 named them Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Callisto. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) ______________________________________________________ A young and foolish hot-shot pilot wanted to sound cool and show who was boss on the aviation radio frequencies. So, this was his first time approaching an airfield during the nighttime. Instead of making any official landing requests to the tower, he said: ....."Guess who?" The tower controller switched the field lights off and replied: "Guess where...!" ______________________________________________________ I bet it was really tough being an Apostle of Jesus. What if you wanted a day off? You ring up Jesus and say, "Jesus, I'm sick today, running a little fever and feeling congested so I won't be able to make it to today's sermon. What...? Say that again..?" I'm cured?" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Solden, Tirol The avalanche, that those guys set off, is a third in from the left. There are 160 KM (100 miles) of groomed, safe ski runs in that picture. http://www.soelden.com/ski-area-map When clicking on the life panorama cameras, keep in mind the time difference. The panrorama cameras are high resolution color.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a DARWIN AWARD goes to Ronnie Berlack, 20, Bryce Astle, 19, US Ski team members suicide day before 2015 Alpine Skiing World Cup Opening race Two American skiers suicided in an avalanche, that they set off in the Austrian Alps near their training base. Ronnie Berlack, 20, and Bryce Astle, 19, were junior members of the US team. They were part of a group of six who were descending from a mountain near the Rettenbach glacier, the venue for the races that will open the 2015 Alpine Skiing World Cup. Officials in Tyrol say avalanche alerts had been declared following days of heavy snowfall and mild temperatures, and all unsafe slopes were fenced off. Those suiciders climbed over the fencing onto an the avalance ready slope, and skied down in the SLOW and deep snow until they set off an avalanche. There are 160 KM (100 miles) of groomed, safe ski runs right there, which are all tens of times faster than unprepared deep snow. They triggered an avalanche on the 3,000m (10,000 feet) Gaislachkogel mountain near Solden, and were buried under the snow of the avalanche, that they had set off. The four other skiers with Mr Berlack and Mr Astle were dug out in time by rescue teams and were not hurt. Usually there are follow-up avalanches making rescues extremely dangerous, but none of the rescue team members were killed or hurt. The president of the US Ski and Snowboard Association Tiger Shaw said, the two victims were "outstanding ski racers who were passionate about their sport". Messing with an avalanche in deep snow has absolutely nothing to do with the type of skiing used on hard packed and precision groomed racing runs. There are plenty of groomed and hard packed fast runs there, that are perfectly safe. That is why their training base is there. Well, the boneheads were not able to outrace the avalanche, that THEY had set off. So they are in caskets getting shipped home instead of participating in today's Opening Race of the 2015 Alpine Skiing World Cup. It is fortunate, that no rescuers were killed or hurt because of their suicides. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jeff Re: Music on Internet Postcards Dear Webby Hi -- sort of 'something else.' I have music as part of my ecards site here: http://www.pulpcards.com/e-pcs/epcindex.html and a visitor wrote recently that he "... can’t get music on my Mac mini can you help?" I've never had a Mac Mini Q. before and don't have one. Any suggestions? Or is it perhaps you only support Windows-based machines? Thanks for any feedback I can pass along to the visitor. Best regards, Jeff Dear Jeff It makes no diff whether the user uses UNIX or Linux or Windows or Mac or a tablet or a phone. His problem is HIS choice of browsers. Some browsers play .mid files like they always have, and some browsers have chickened out, claiming copyright issues as an excuse, and require the user to download and install an add-in, extension or player. Mac users probably need to install the Apple QuickTime player, if they use the Mac Safari browser, or switch to a browser, that will work on a Mini Mac and will play midi files. We only send the midi files. The user needs to have some kind of player. We might switch over to .wav files, if there is enough demand or if I get some spare time. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Christmas Clearance for Easter With the stores trying to rid themselves of Christmas inventory (Target is now 70% off!), you can score some pretty amazing deals that aren't just bound by a December holiday. Small toys are perfect for Easter baskets, and red and white themed chocolates are perfect for Valentine's Day! The haul below retailed for over $20 and will fit nicely in my toddler's Easter basket for only $6. Now if only I can find a place to store it. By Rae G. [7]
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
>From Arby When my daughter was about 10 years old I became pregnant. Of course, she wwanted to know how it happened,so I gave what I considered an appropriate explanation of the process. She asked, "Did you do that to get me?" I said yes, and she responded, "And you did it again?" ______________________________________________________ >From Curtis While I was serving as a chief master sergeant at Barksdale Air Force Base in Bossier City, La., my son and namesake was also serving there. His two-month-old son, whose name was the same as ours, was receiving medical treatments at the base hospital. I went on sick call one morning, and as the doctor reviewed my file, he looked at me in disbelief. "Are you Curtis E. Chaffin?" he asked. When I answered yes, he told me, "It says here that you turn blue when you cry."


Handimals, painted hands

Today in 
1558 Calais, the last English possession on mainland France, 
 was recaptured by the French. 
1610 Galileo Galilei sighted four of Jupiter's moons. He 
 named them Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Callisto. 
1785 French aeronaut/balloonist Jean-Pierre Blanchard 
 successfully made the first air-crossing of the English 
 Channel from the English coast to France. 
1887 Thomas Stevens completed the first worldwide bicycle 
 trip. He started his trip in April 1884. Stevens and his 
 bike traveled 13,500 miles in almost three years time. 
1894 W.K. Dickson received a patent for motion picture film. 
1896 The "Fannie Farmer Cookbook" was published. 
1904 The distress signal "CQD" was established. Two years 
 later "SOS" became the radio distress signal because it 
 was quicker to send by wireless radio. 
1927 Transatlantic telephone service began between New York 
 and London. 31 calls were made on this first day. 
1932 Chancellor Heinrich Brüning declared that Germany 
 cannot, and will not, resume reparations payments. 
1942 The World War II siege of Bataan began. 
1949 The announcement of the first photograph of genes was 
 shown at the University of Southern California in Los Angeles. 
1953 U.S. President Harry Truman announced the development of 
 the hydrogen bomb. 
1954 The Duoscopic TV receiver was unveiled this day. The TV 
 set allowed the watching of two different shows at the 
 same time. 
1959 The United States recognized Fidel Castro's new 
 government in Cuba. 
1975 OPEC agreed to raise crude oil prices by 10%, which 
 began a time of world economic inflation. 
1979 Vietnamese forces captured the Cambodian capital of 
 Phnom Penh, overthrowing the Khmer Rouge government. 
1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter signed legislation that 
 authorized $1.5 billion in loans for the bail out of 
 Chrysler Corp. 
1989 Crown Prince Akihito became the emperor of Japan 
 following the death of his father, Emperor Hirohito. 
1990 The Leaning Tower of Pisa was closed to the public. 
 The accelerated rate of "leaning" raised fears for the 
 safety of its visitors.
1996 One of the biggest blizzards in U.S. history hit the 
 eastern states. More than 100 deaths were later blamed 
 on the severe weather. 
1998 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky signed an 
 affidavit denying that she had an affair with U.S. 
 President Clinton. 
1999 U.S. President Clinton went on trial before the 
 Senate. It was only the second time in U.S. history that 
 an impeached president had gone to trial. Clinton was later 
 acquitted of perjury and obstruction of justice charges. 
2002 Microsoft Corp. chairman Bill Gates introduced a new 
 device code named Mira. The device was tablet-like and was 
 a cross between a handheld computer and a TV remote control. 
2009 Russia shut off all gas supplies to Europe through 
 Ukraine. Prime Minister Vladimir Putin publicly endorsed the 
 move and urged greater international involvement in the 
 energy dispute. 
2015  smiled.


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Back up your ID 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, January 6

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
wimp in Connecticut, who threatens town to 
'be ready for a hail of bullets'
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1945 The Battle of the Bulge ended with 130,000 German and 
 77,000 Allied casualties. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The Romans would never have found time to conquer the world if they had been obliged first to learn Latin. --- Heinrich Heine (1797 - 1856) A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election. --- Bill Vaughan "There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, and that is to contradict other philosophers." --- William James ______________________________________________________ >From Roland I saw an old friend of mine and came up to speak with him. He smiled and went the other way. "I'm sorry but I've got to go online" he called to me, running next door. I looked in the next room for his computer or cell phone but did not see one. Instead, I saw him put in his hearing aids and look at me again, "You were saying?" ______________________________________________________ John came from San Francisco to Depoe Bay and asked a native, "Say, is this really a healthy place?" "It sure is," the native replied. "When I came here I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room, and I had to be lifted out of bed." "That's wonderful!" said John. "How long have you been here?" "I was born here." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sailor for this picture: Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tyler McKenzie 18 EAST LYME, Connecticut Tyler McKenzie Threatens Connecticut Town To 'Be Ready For A Hail Of Bullets' An 18-year-old man was arrested after allegedly threatening that a Connecticut town "better be ready for the hail of bullets" because he had been bullied for so long. The threat by Tyler McKenzie prompted the East Lyme school district to cancel sporting events and plan for additional security measures when classes resume Monday, police said. McKenzie was arrested Wednesday and charged with first-degree threatening and second-degree breach of peace. The arrest came about a week after the threatening comment was posted on YikYak, a social media website. State, local police and the FBI searched McKenzie's home in East Lyme and recovered evidence, authorities said. Investigators say McKenzie admitted he wrote the threatening post. They say he acted alone, and they don't anticipate additional arrests. McKenzie was held on a $25,000 bond and is scheduled to appear in New London Superior Court on Friday. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jean Re: Back up your ID Dear Webby 1. Do not sign the back of your credit cards. Instead, put 'PHOTO ID REQUIRED.' 2. When you are writing checks to pay on your credit card accounts, DO NOT put the complete account number on the 'For' line. Instead, just put the last four numbers. The credit card company knows the rest of the number, and anyone who might be handling your check as it passes through all the check processing channels won't have access to it. 3. Put your work phone # on your checks instead of your home phone. If you have a PO Box use that instead of your home address. If you do not have a PO Box, use your work address. Never have your SS# printed on your checks. (DUH!) You can add it if it is necessary. But if you have It printed, anyone can get it. 4. Place the contents of your wallet on a photocopy machine. Do both sides of each license, credit card, etc. You will know what you had in your wallet and all of the account numbers and phone numbers to call and cancel. Keep the photocopy in a safe place. I also carry a photocopy of my passport when I travel either here or abroad. We've all heard horror stories about fraud that's committed on us in stealing a Name, address, Social Security number, credit cards. In case your luggage is lost, take another list in your carry on bag, especially if you are abroad and need immediate access to those numbers. Unfortunately, I, an attorney, have firsthand knowledge because my wallet was stolen last month. Within a week, the thieves ordered an expensive monthly cell phone package, applied for a VISA credit card, had a credit line approved to buy a Gateway computer, received a PIN number from DMV to change my driving record information online, and more. But here's some critical information to limit the damage in case this happens to you or someone you know: 5. We have been told we should cancel our credit cards immediately. But the key is having the toll free numbers and your card numbers handy so you know whom to call.. Keep those where you can find them. 6. File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where your credit cards, etc.., were stolen. This proves to credit providers you were diligent, and this is a first step toward an investigation (if there ever is one). But here's what is perhaps most important of all: (I never even thought to do this.) 7. Call the 3 national credit reporting organizations immediately to place a fraud alert on your name and also call the Social Security fraud line number. I had never heard of doing that until advised by a bank that called to tell me an application for credit was made over the Internet in my name. The alert means any company that checks your credit knows your information was stolen, and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new credit. By the time I was advised to do this, almost two weeks after the theft, all the damage had been done. There are records of all the credit checks initiated by the thieves' purchases, none of which I knew about before placing the alert. Since then, no additional damage has been done, and the thieves threw my wallet away this weekend (someone turned it in). It seems to have stopped them dead in their tracks.. Now, here are the numbers you always need to contact about your wallet, if it has been stolen: 1.) Equifax: 1-800-525-6285 1-800-525-6285 2.) Experian (formerly TRW): 1-888-397-3742 1-888-397-3742 3.) Trans Union : 1-800-680 7289 1-800-680 7289 4.) Social Security Administration (fraud line): 1-800-269-0271 1-800-269-0271 Jean Dear Jean That is valuable information indeed! Let's hope a lot of the subscribers will heed your advice. I will! Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Play Dough My kids love this play dough. I have made just about every kind you can imagine, but we always go back to this one. I've been making it so long (over 10 years!), that I have no idea where the recipe came from. The texture is amazing. It's very soft and silky. It's perfect for little hands. It smells wonderful, too! My daughter plays with it for hours and it doesn't dry out in that time. Approximate Time: About 15 minutes total. Home Made Play Dough
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
I urgently needed a few days off work but I knew the boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted 'crazy', then he would tell me to take a few days off. So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My secretary asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, so the Boss might think I was 'crazy' and give me a few days off. A few minutes later, the boss came into the office and asked, 'What in the name of Sam Hill are you doing?' I told him I was a light bulb. He said, 'You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.' I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my secretary followed me, the boss asked her, 'And where do you think you're going?!' To which she replied: 'I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark.' ______________________________________________________ "Pastor," Johnny says, "I heard you say today that our bodies came from the dust." "That's right, Johnny, I did." "And I heard you say that when we die, our bodies go back to dust." "Yes, I'm glad you were listening. Why do you ask?" "Well you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed, 'cause there's someone either comin' or goin'!"
Bonus Link
sent in by Simon
These Kanye West Fans Want To Know: “Who Is this Paul McCartney?

Today in 
0871 England's King Alfred defeated the Danes at the Battle of Ashdown. 
1205 Philip of Swabia was crowned as King of the Romans. 
1453 Frederick III erected Austria into an Archduchy. 
1540 King Henry VIII of England was married to Anne of Cleves, 
 his fourth wife. 
1720 The Committee of Inquiry on the South Sea Bubble 
 published its findings. 
1838 Samuel Morse publicly demonstrated the telegraph for 
 the first time. 
1900 In India, it was reported that millions of people were 
 dying from starvation. 
1900 Off of South Africa, the British seized the German 
 steamer Herzog. The boat was released on January 22, 1900. 
1930 The first diesel-engine automobile trip was completed 
 after a run of 792 miles from Indianapolis, IN, to New York City, NY. 
1942 The first commercial around-the-world airline flight 
 took place. Pan American Airlines was the company that 
 made history with the feat. 
1945 The Battle of the Bulge ended with 130,000 German and 
 77,000 Allied casualties. 
1950 Britain recognized the Communist government of China. 
1952 "Peanuts" debuted in Sunday papers across the United States. 
1967 U.S. and South Vietnamese forces launched a major 
 offensive, known as Operation "Deckhouse V". 
1982 William G. Bonin was convicted in Los Angeles, CA, of 
 being the "freeway killer" who had murdered 14 young men and boys. 
1987 After a 29-year lapse, the Ford Thunderbird was presented 
 with the Motor Trend Car of the Year Award. It was the first 
 occurrence of a repeat winner of the award. 
1994 Figure skater Nancy Kerrigan was clubbed on the right 
 leg by an assailant at Cobo Arena in Detroit, MI. Four men 
 were later sentenced to prison for the attack, including 
 Tonya Harding's ex-husband. 
1998 The spacecraft Lunar Prospect was launched into orbit 
 around the moon. The craft was crashed into the moon, in 
 an effort to find water under the lunar surface, on 
 July 31, 1999. 
2015  smiled.


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What is SSH? 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Monhday, January 5

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
William Mattson Beaten To 
Bloody Pulp After Allegedly Raping 
Nephew's Girlfriend
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1896 It was reported by The Austrian newspaper that Wilhelm 
 Roentgen had discovered the type of radiation that became 
 known as X-rays. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted. Martin Luther King Jr. (1929 - 1968) ______________________________________________________ How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue... and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go? ------------- your hips! ______________________________________________________ As a young married couple, a husband and a wife lived in a cheap housing complex near the base where he was working. Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone. She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her neighbor. "Give this to your husband," he said thrusting a roll of toilet paper into her hands. "He's been yelling for it for 15 minutes!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Jean for this picture: Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to William Mattson, 52 Myrtle Beach South Carolina William Mattson Beaten To Bloody Pulp After Allegedly Raping Nephew's Girlfriend A South Carolina man was severely beaten after allegedly raping his nephew's girlfriend on New Year's Eve. William Mattson, 52, can be seen in his mugshot with an eye swollen shut and cuts and bruises. The sexual assault suspect is accused of attacking the woman at a party while his nephew --the victim's boyfriend --was away, according to Myrtle Beach Online. The nephew told police that he heard sounds coming from inside his father's bedroom when he returned to the party. He kicked down the door and says he found Mattson on top of his girlfriend. He said he punched Mattson repeatedly, driving him from his house. When police were called at about 1 a.m. on Jan. 1, Mattson returned to the property to tell officers that the sex was consensual, according to the New York Daily News. Mattson's nephew lunged again, attacking the suspect in front of officers. Nevertheless, the police department described the nephew's attack as being in defense of the victim, according to a press release. The victim, of course, standing between her boyfriend and the cops, denied that the incident was consensual. Mattson was charged with first-degree criminal sexual conduct. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Alex Re: SSH Dear Webby What exactly is SSH? A program I am trying to buy, requires that I have SSH access. However, my web host tells me that I don't need it and would not know how to use it, even if I had it. So, what is it and what does it do? Alex Dear Alex SSH is secure access to the server command line, just like Telnet used to be until about 15 years ago. The main difference is that SSH is securely encrypted and can't be intercepted. It is not difficult to use, and programs, that require it, are very specific and detailed about what you need to do. Usually they even give you the exact command to type or paste to the command line. Then you type that in and hit Enter. No big deal at all. Web hosting is often like an MLM pyramid. The farther down you are, the fewer rights and privileges you have. When you don't get SSH, but instead get a snotty reply implying that you would not know how to use it, then you know you have hit rock bottom, and it's time to move up a few levels or get a better web host. The bare command line can be a bit intimidating to some people, but at our level, for example, we explain what each command does, and step you through it while connected to you via Skype chat. It's no big deal. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bind Your Shop Extension Cord I couldn't find a rubber band or any kind of tie to bind up my cord so I used a tube sock. First I cut off the toe end of it and stretched it over the cord that I had rolled up. It fit perfect and held it together without any problems of it snapping or falling off. By Shirley [13]
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
From a passenger ship one can just barely see a bearded man on a small island in the distance who is shouting and desperately waving his hands. "Who is that?" a passenger asked a passing steward. "I've no idea. Every year when we pass by, he goes nuts." ______________________________________________________ >From Vi All my relatives know that I refold the wrapping paper from my Christmas presents for reuse later. "Auntie," asked one of my young nieces, "why do you save all that paper?" "I'm doing what's best for the environment," I replied. "So I'm recycling." "Good thing you didn't ask that question five years ago," my daughter interrupted. "Then she was just plain cheap."
Bonus Link
sent in by Sailor
Grand Canyon in snow

Today in 
1781 Richmond, VA, was burned by a British naval expedition 
 led by Benedict Arnold. 
1885 The Long Island Railroad Company became the first to 
 offer piggy-back rail service which was the transportation 
 of farm wagons on trains. 
1896 It was reported by The Austrian newspaper that Wilhelm 
 Roentgen had discovered the type of radiation that became 
 known as X-rays. 
1900 In Ireland, Nationalist leader John Edward Redmond 
 called for a revolt against British rule. 
1903 The general public could use the Pacific cable for 
 the very first time. 
1914 Ford Motor Company announced that there would be a 
 new daily minimum wage of $5 and an eight-hour workday. 
1933 Construction of the Golden Gate Bridge began. 
1944 The London "Daily Mail" was the first transoceanic 
 newspaper to be published. 
1948 Warner Brothers-Pathe showed the very first color 
 newsreel. The footage was of the Tournament of Roses 
 Parade and the Rose Bowl football classic. 
1956 In the Peanuts comic strip, Snoopy walked on two 
 legs for the first time. 
1972 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon ordered the 
 development of the space shuttle. 
1987 U.S. President Ronald Reagan underwent prostate 
 surgery. 
1993 The state of Washington executed Westley Allan Dodd. 
 It was America's first legal hanging since 1965. Dodd 
 was an admitted child sex killer. 
1996 Yahya Ayyash, a member of the Hamas in Israel, is 
 killed by a booby-trapped cellular phone. 
1998 U.S. Representative Sonny Bono died in skiing accident. 
2002 A 15 year-old student pilot, Charles Bishop, crashed a 
 small plane into a building in Tampa, FL. Bishop was about 
 to begin a flying lesson when he took off without permission 
 and without an instructor. 
2015  smiled.


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Monitor colors 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, January 3

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Father and son criminal duo, who murdered and robbed 
an old couple, set their house on fire, took their bodies
on a 4 hour ride to a different state, and shot at two cops.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1885 Dr. William Grant performed the first successful appendectomy.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place, and kill him. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) Wine makes a man more pleased with himself; I do not say that it makes him more pleasing to others. --- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) "Science is facts; just as houses are made of stones, so is science made of facts; but a pile of stones is not a house and a collection of facts is not necessarily science." --- Henri Poincare ______________________________________________________ Bubba goes to the revival and listens to the preacher. After a while, the preacher asks anyone with needs to come forward and be prayed over. Bubba gets in line. When it's his turn the preacher says, "Bubba, what you want me to pray about?" Bubba says, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing." So the preacher puts one finger in Bubba's ear and the other hand on top of his head and prays a while. After a few minutes, he removes his hands and says, "Bubba, how's your hearing now?" Bubba says, "I don't know preacher, it's not until next Wednesday in Dallas. ______________________________________________________ After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" "Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Not Basking Robin
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Eric Campbell, 21 Edward Campbell, 54 Indian Acres, Texas Father and son criminal duo, who murdered and robbed an old couple, set their house on fire, took their bodies on a 4 hour ride to a different state, and shot at two cops. A Texas father and son went on a multi-state crime spree Thursday, robbing and killing a couple in North Carolina before transporting the bodies to West Virginia, where they shot two officers, police say. Eric Campbell, 21, and his father, 54-year-old Edward Campbell, both of Indian Acres, Texas, were pulled over in Lewisburg, West Virginia on Thursday afternoon. They were in separate vehicles, one of which police flagged as stolen. Edward Campbell, who was driving a red truck at the time, allegedly opened fire on two officers, wounding both of them. Cops returned fire and hit the suspect in the leg. Edward fled, but was later collared as he hid in the woods. Eric turned himself in about 90 minutes after the shootout. Both wounded officers have just superficial wounds. Upon further investigation, cops found the bodies of Jerome Faulkner, 73, and his 62-year-old wife, Dora, under a mattress in the bed of the red pickup truck, WVNS reports. Investigators believe the Campbells chose the couple at random to rob and murder in their Oak Hill, North Carolina home. The suspects allegedly lit the house on fire at about 7 a.m., threw the bodies in the back of the truck and drove nearly four hours to West Virginia. "When we first got the call, we thought it was just a structure fire," Granville County, North Carolina Sheriff Brindell Wilkins told WVNS. "As things progressed, we found some things here that didn't look right." Both of the suspects were charged with malicious assault and attempted murder of an officer. Eric Campbell, whose mugshot is above, was held without bail at the Southern Regional Jail in West Virginia, while his father is still hospitalized with a bullet wound to the leg. The officers, identified as Jeromy Dove and Nicholas Sams, are recovering with superficial wounds from the shooting. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ron Re: Monitor colors Dear Webby My monitors (work and home) show colors as different as Fuji and Kodak. When I fix a picture to look right at home, it looks crappy on the monitor at work. And vice versa. Is one of them dying or is there an adjustment to save it? Ron You can adjust the color temperature of a monitor. Just play with the menu buttons until you get to a menu that has big numbers, like 4500 and going up to 9300, or sometimes even higher. A low number gives you a warm lighting, like candle light, a high number gives you a hot light, like mercury vapor or arc, or "cool white" fluorescent. Straight from the factory, most monitors come set at 9300, and most people never change that setting. If you set your monitor to 9300, then if a picture looks OK for you, it will look OK for most people. To see how a print job will look, lower the numbers. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baking Powder For Glowing Skin One should use baking powder on their face for a glow. After that, there is no need to do a facial, this will automatically give you a facial look. By Suman from New Delhi
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
There was a large revival meeting on the outskirts of town, and at the appropriate corner there was a large sign proclaiming...."If you are weary of sin and want to be saved, turn here, go 100 yards, and come into the revival tent." Below the sign someone had hung another smaller one. "If NOT weary, call Sherry 555-3550." ______________________________________________________ A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!" A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and he actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend. One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is full!"


Dianne got her wings December 29

Today in 
1884 The socialist Fabian Society was founded in London. 
1885 Dr. William Grant performed the first successful appendectomy.
1936 The first pop music chart based on national sales was 
 published by "Billboard" magazine. 
1944 The attack on Monte Cassino was launched by the British 
 Fifth Army in Italy. 
1948 Britain granted independence to Burma. 
1951 During the Korean conflict, North Korean and Communist 
 Chinese forces captured the city of Seoul. 
1953 Tufted plastic carpeting was introduced by Barwick Mills. 
1958 The Soviet satellite Sputknik I fell to the earth from 
 its orbit. The craft had been launched on October 4, 1957. 
1962 New York City introduced a train that operated without 
 conductors and motormen. 
1965 The Fender Guitar Company was sold to CBS for $13 million. 
1984 Wayne ‘The Great One’ Gretzky scored eight points (four 
 goals and four assists) for the second time in his National 
 Hockey League (NHL) career. Edmonton’s Oilers defeated the 
 Minnesota North Stars, 12-8. The game was the highest-
 scoring NHL game to date. 
1991 The U.N. Security Council voted unanimously to condemn 
 Israel's treatment of the Palestinians in the occupied 
 territories. 
1997 The Greek Cypriot government signed an agreement to 
 buy S-300 surface-to-air missiles from Russia. 
1999 A drifting Nicaraguan fishing boat was found by the 
 Norwegian oil tanker Joelm. The fisherman had been lost at 
 sea for 35 days after the engine of their vessel quit 
 working. 
1999 Former professional wrestler Jesse Ventura was sworn 
 in as Minnesota's 37th governor. 
2006 Nancy Pelosi became Speaker of the U.S. House of 
 Representatives. She was the first woman to hold the position. 
2010 In Dubai, United Arab Emirates, the Burj Dubai 
 (Dubai Tower) opened as the world's tallest tower at 
 2,625 feet
2015  smiled.


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Mozbackup 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, January 3

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
A Floriduh couple, who hid in a museum closet
and thought they were locked in.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1833 Britain seized control of the Falkland Islands in the 
 South Atlantic. About 150 years later, Argentina seized the 
 islands from the British, but Britain took them back after 
 a 74-day war.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) ______________________________________________________ >From Barbara I have a joke for you. Shortly before our 25th wedding anniversary, my husband sent 25 long-stemmed yellow roses to me at my office. A few days later, I plucked all the petals and dried them. On the night of our anniversary, I spread the petals over the bed and lay on top of them, wearing only a negligee. As I’d hoped, I got a reaction from my husband. When he saw me, he exclaimed, “Are those potato chips?” Barbara ______________________________________________________ Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too: "A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry." she told him. "Really?" asked the boyfriend, "And just how many men are you planning to marry?" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to my dad for thgis picture: Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Amber Campbell, 24 John Arwood Daytona Beach, Floriduh Florida couple spent days in unlocked closet, thought they were trapped A pair of hapless accused trespassers spent two days in a closet, thinking they were trapped inside. John Arwood and Amber Campbell told police that someone had chased them into the closet at Daytona State College's Marine and Environmental Science Center on Sunday. Once they were inside the janitor's closet, they couldn't get out. But it wasn't until Tuesday that Arwood decided to call 911. When Daytona Beach police arrived, they discovered that the door did not lock. Cops found human feces and suspected drug paraphernalia in the closet, but they didn't find any drugs. Arwood and Campbell were both charged with trespassing. Campbell was also charged with violating her probation. In 2013, she was arrested after escaping a mental health treatment facility, crashing a car and escaping from the back of a police cruiser. Interesting tramp stamp on her throat. "Deep throat for $" According to the Orlando Sentinel, Arwood's record includes five jail sentences in Florida since 2000, with offenses including armed burglary, possession of more than 20 grams of marijuana, and fleeing law enforcement. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lee Re: Mozbackup Dear Webby Wouldn't it be best to install Thunderbird fresh on new computer and then use Mozbackup to save info on old computer and then transfer that file (large) to new computer. I use Mozbackup in case of loss. Carbonite saves the file for me. Thanks Lee Thanks Lee! That could simplify things for some people! Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Add Ranch Dressing to Mashed Potatoes As old people are wont to do, DH and I sometimes forget to go to the supermarket. Today I wanted mashed potatoes and noticed that there was no butter in the fridge. I got out my bottle of ranch dressing and smushed the bottle so that a good sized blob came out. I then whipped them in the usual manner and they were delicious! By Marty Dick [147]
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern. "Paddy," he said, " I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven one day." "Really, Father?" slurred Paddy. "What have you done now?" ______________________________________________________ Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly announced, "A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000." There was a moment's silence, and then from the back of the room came the cry, "Two thousand five hundred!"


Dianne got her wings December 29

Today in 
1496 References in Leonardo da Vinci notebooks suggested that 
 he tested his flying machine. The test didn't succeed and he 
 didn't try to fly again for several years. 
1521 Pope Leo X excommunicated Martin Luther. 
1777 The Battle of Princeton took place in the War of Independence, 
 in which George Washington defeated the British forces, 
 led by Cornwallis. 
1815 By secret treaty, Austria, Britain, and France formed a 
 defensive alliance against Prusso-Russian plans to solve 
 the Saxon and Polish problems. 
1833 Britain seized control of the Falkland Islands in the 
 South Atlantic. About 150 years later, Argentina seized the 
 islands from the British, but Britain took them back after 
 a 74-day war. 
1868 The Shogunate was abolished in Japan and Meiji dynasty 
 was restored. 
1871 Henry W. Bradley patented oleomargarine. 
1888 The drinking straw was patented by Marvin C. Stone. 
1924 English explorer Howard Carter discovered the sarcophagus 
 of Tutankhamen in the Valley of the Kings, near Luxor, Egypt. 
1925 In Italy, Mussolini announced that he would take 
 dictatorial powers. 
1947 In Trenton, NJ, Al Herrin, passed away at age 92. He 
 had claimed that he had not slept at all during his life. 
1957 The Hamilton Watch Company introduced the first electric watch. 
1959 In the U.S., Alaska became the 49th state. 
1961 The U.S. severed diplomatic relations with Cuba. 
1962 Pope John XXIII excommunicated Cuban prime minister 
 Fidel Castro. 
1967 Jack Ruby died in a Dallas, TX, hospital. 
1980 Conservationist Joy Adamson, author of "Born Free," was 
 killed in northern Kenya by a servant. 
1990 Ousted Panamanian leader Manuel Noriega surrendered to 
 U.S. forces, 10 days after taking refuge in the Vatican's 
 diplomatic mission. 
1993 U.S. President George H.W. Bush and Russian President 
 Boris Yeltsin signed the second Strategic Arms Reduction 
 Treaty (START) in Moscow. 
1998 China announced that it would spend $27.7 billion to 
 fight erosion and pollution in the Yangtze and Yellow river 
 valleys. 
1999 Israeli authorities detained, and later expelled, 14 
 members of Concerned Christians. Israili officials claimed 
 that the Denver, CO-based cult was plotting violence in 
 Jerusalem to bring about the Second Coming of Christ. 
2000 Charles M. Schulz's final original daily comic strip 
 appeared in newspapers. 
2001 The ATF (Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms) charged 
 the "Texas 7" with weapons violations. An autopsy showed 
 that Aubrey Hawkins, killed by the convicts, had been shot 
 11 times and run over with a vehicle. 
2004 NASA's Spirit rover landed on Mars. The craft was able 
 to send back black and white images three hours after landing.

2015  smiled.


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Migrating Thunderbird data to a new machine 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, January 2
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


The voting at the Ezinefinder doesn't work yet.
It usually takes about a week and a lot of nagging, 
until they restart it in a new year. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Missouri man, who choked his wife with a
roll of wrapping paper in Christmas day attack
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1492 The leader of the last Arab stronghold in Spain 
 surrendered to Spanish forces loyal to 
 King Ferdinand II and Queen Isabella I. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Those whom the Gods would destroy, they first call promising. --- Cyril Connolly (1903 - 1974) Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty. --- Mark Twain Every teenager should get a high school education. Even if they already know everything. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ Is it proper for a man to profit from the mistakes of another?" a Angus mcKenzie asked his minister. "Definitely not," was the preacher's answer. "Are you absolutely certain?" "Yes, my son, absolutely." "Okay. In that case, I wonder if you'd mind returning that $25 I gave you after my wedding last year?" ______________________________________________________ Q: This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? A: What was your question? ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Walter the Stonecarver for this picture: Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David Hampton, 33, St. Peters Missouri Missouri man choked wife with roll of wrapping paper in Christmas day attack David Hampton, a Missouri man, 33, is locked up for domestic assault after he allegedly used a cardboard roll of wrapping paper to choke his wife during a Christmas Day attack in their home. According to a probable cause statement, Hampton’s wife told police that she “blacked out” during the attack. “The victim had injuries consistent with being strangled,” a cop reported. Hampton, pictured in the above mug shot, lives with the victim and the couple’s two children in St. Peters, a city 30 miles from St. Louis. Charged with felony domestic assault, Hampton was booked into the St. Charles County jail, where he remains locked up in lieu of $50,000 cash bail. A judge has ordered Hampton to have no contact with his spouse. Hampton is scheduled for a January 8 Circuit Court hearing. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Noella Re: Move Thunderbird data to new laptop Dear Webby Need to find Thunderbird files, not Outlook Express. I've already transferred everything over to Thunderbird. Now I just need to transfer Thunderbird files to my laptop. Noella Dear Noella You need "Moving Thunderbird Data to a New Computer" at https://support.mozilla.org/en-US/kb/moving-thunderbird-data-to-a-new-computer Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Wax or Crayon from Clothes Heat an iron. Damp a face cloth. Put the face cloth on the item of clothing with the crayon or wax to be removed. Place the hot iron on the damp face cloth and move around for 30 seconds until wax or crayon is removed. By Ziggyziggy [1]
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake" ______________________________________________________ "Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir." "The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her." "During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit." "The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's 'Hamlet' in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy."


Dianne got her wings December 29

Today in 
1492 The leader of the last Arab stronghold in Spain 
 surrendered to Spanish forces loyal to 
 King Ferdinand II and Queen Isabella I. 
1842 In Fairmount, PA, the first wire suspension bridge 
 was opened to traffic. 
1872 Brigham Young, the 71-year-old leader of the Mormon 
 Church, was arrested on a charge of bigamy. He had 25 wives.
1879 Thomas Edison began construction on his first generator. 
1890 Alice Sanger became the first female White House staffer. 
1900 The Chicago Canal opened. 
1917 Royal Bank of Canada took over the Quebec Bank. 
1942 The Philippine capital of Manila was captured by Japanese 
 forces during World War II. 
1955 Panamanian President Jose Antonio Remon was assassinated. 
1968 Fidel Castro announced petroleum and sugar rationing in Cuba. 
1996 AT&T announced that it would eliminate 40,000 jobs over three years. 
1998 Russia began circulating new rubles in effort to keep 
 inflation in check and promote confidence.
2015  smiled.


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Move Thunderbird data to new laptop 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, January 1
Happy New Year!
First day for breaking resolutions.
Isn't that what they are for?

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Tattooed Hilbilly in Florida, who admitted that he has
started fires with Molotov cocktails

Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1622 The Papal Chancery adopted January 1st as the beginning 
 of the New Year (instead of March 25th).
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Wise sayings often fall on barren ground; but a kind word is never thrown away. --- Sir Arthur Helps I have such poor vision I can date anybody. --- Garry Shandling (1949 - ) ______________________________________________________ A famed English explorer was invited to Dartmouth to tell of his adventures in the African jungle. "Can you imagine," he demanded, "people so primitive that they love to eat the embryo of certain birds, and slices from the belly of certain animals? And grind up grass seed, make it into a paste, burn it over a fire, then smear it with a greasy mess they extract from the mammary fluid of certain other animals?" When the students looked startled by such barbarism, the explorer added softly, "What I've been describing, of course, is a breakfast of bacon and eggs and buttered toast." ______________________________________________________ My friend, Monica, is an accomplished harpist who frequently plays for weddings, receptions, parties and other such events. She is also blonde and has an appropriately cherubic face. She was on her way to an engagement at a hotel and stepped into an elevator with her large golden harp. Just before the doors closed, a distinguished gray-haired man stepped on. As the elevator rose, he looked thoughtfully first at her and then her harp and asked, "How far up does this elevator go?" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Hanging out ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jeffrey Mark Jalinski, 30, Orange County Florida Started Fires With Gas-Filled Bottles A Florida man with very distinctive facial tattoos allegedly told police he had a burning desire to start fires. Now his heated hobby has landed him in hot water. Police in Orange County, Florida, arrested Jeffrey Mark Jalinski, 30, on Dec. 22, after he admitted to using homemade devices to start fires in burn barrels, the Orlando Sentinel reports. Deputies and a SWAT team initially showed up at Jalinski's motor home with a search warrant looking for drugs. Instead, they said, they found three beer bottles believed to contain gasoline and rags stuck in the neck of each bottle. The suspect allegedly told deputies that the bottles were his and confirmed they were filled with gas. He also allegedly confessed to using the bottles to start fires, KIRO TV reports. Jalinski was charged with possession of or discharging a destructive device. He has since bonded out of Orange County Jail, but not before posing for this memorable mug shot, according to AR15.com. ------------ I have seen Hillbillies light their burning barrels that way, if they stunk too much or had too many wasps or horseflies. Usually though, the bottle did not break and required a shot from a shotgun to shatter it and light the barrel. That is, if they were sober enough to actually get the bottle INTO the barrel. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Noella Re: Move Thunderbird daqta to new laptop Dear Webby Need to find Thunderbird files, not Outlook Express. I've already transferred everything over to Thunderbird. Now I just need to transfer Thunderbird files to my laptop. Noella Dear Noella You need "Moving Thunderbird Data to a New Computer" at https://support.mozilla.org/en-US/kb/moving-thunderbird-data-to-a-new-computer Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Crust Cover from Metal Pie Plate With the holidays coming and after wasting countless strips of aluminum foil just to cover my pie crusts when baking, I tried cutting up an old aluminum pie pan to place over my pie crusts while baking. It worked! Use craft scissors and cut cleanly so you leave no sharp edges. I would suggest you wear work gloves and possibly use needle nose pliers to bend down and crimp closed the cut ends after cutting the circle out of the bottom just to guarantee no cuts! I intend to reuse these again and again. By Dee [186]
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water. "That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?" "Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat." ______________________________________________________ Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time." I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson. The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.


All types of peanut butter

Today in 
0404 The last gladiator competition was held in Rome. 
1622 The Papal Chancery adopted January 1st as the beginning 
 of the New Year (instead of March 25th). 
1772 The first traveler's checks were issued in London. 
1797 Albany became the capital of New York state, 
 replacing New York City. 
1801 The Act of Union of England and Ireland came into force. 
1801 Italian astronomer Giuseppe Piazzi became the first 
 person to discover an asteroid. He named it Ceres. 
1804 Haiti gained its independence. 
1808 The U.S. prohibited import of slaves from Africa. 
1863 U.S. President Lincoln signed the Emancipation 
 Proclamation, which declared that all slaves in the 
 rebel states were free. 
1887 Queen Victoria was proclaimed empress of India in Delhi. 
1894 The Manchester Ship Canal was officially opened. 
1898 Manhattan, the Bronx, Brooklyn, Queens and Staten Island 
 were consolidated into New York City. 
1901 The Commonwealth of Australia was founded. Lord Hopetoun 
 officially assumed the duties as the first Governor-General. 
1909 The first payments of old-age pensions were made in Britain. 
 People over 70 received five shillings a week. 
1913 The post office began parcel post deliveries. 
1924 Frank B. Cooney received a patent for ink paste. 
1934 Alcatraz Island officially became a Federal Prison. 
1936 The "New York Herald Tribune" began microfilming its 
 current issues. 
1945 France was admitted to the United Nations. 
1956 Sudan gained its independence. 
1958 The European Economic Community (EEC) started operations. 
1959 Fidel Castro overthrew the government of Fulgencio 
 Batista, and seized power in Cuba. 
1968 Evel Knievel, stunt performing daredevil, lost control 
 of his motorcycle midway through a jump of 141 feet over 
 the ornamental fountains in front of Caesar’s Palace in 
 Las Vegas. 
1971 Tobacco ads representing $20 million dollars in 
 advertising were banned from TV and radio broadcast. 
1973 Britain, Ireland, Denmark and Norway joined the EEC. 
1975 The magazine "Popular Electronics" announced the 
 invention of a person computer called Altair. MITS, 
 using an Intel microprocessor, developed the computer. 
1981 Greece joined the European Community. 
1984 AT&T was broken up into 22 Bell System companies 
 under terms of an antitrust agreement with the U.S. 
 Federal government. 
1986 Spain and Portugal joined the European Community (EC). 
1987 A pro-democracy rally took place in Beijing's Tiananmen Square (China). 
1990 David Dinkins was sworn in as New York City's first black mayor. 
1993 Czechoslovakia split into two separate states, the 
 Czech Republic and Slovakia. The peaceful division had 
 been engineered in 1992. 
1994 The North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) went into effect. 
1995 Frederick West, an alleged killer of 12 women and girls, 
 was found hanged in his jail cell in Winston Green prison, 
 in Birmingham. West had been under almost continuous watch 
 since his arrest in 1994, but security had reportedly been 
 relaxed in the months preceding the apparent suicide. 
1995 The World Trade Organization came into existence. The 
 group of 125 nations monitors global trade. 
1998 A new anti-smoking law went into effect in California. 
 The law prohibiting people from lighting up in bars. 
1999 The euro became currency for 11 Member States of the 
 European Union. Coins and notes were not available until 
 January 1, 2002. 
1999 In California, a law went into effect that defined 
 "invasion of privacy as trespassing with the intent to 
 capture audio or video images of a celebrity or crime 
 victim engaging in a personal of family activity." 
2001 The "Texas 7," rented space in an RV park in Woodland Park, CO.
2015  smiled.


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RCA cables to modern TVs 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, December 31

Last day to vote for the Humor Letter in 2014:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Connecticut drunk, who fought everyone, and lost. Details at Boneheads Today, in 1879 Thomas Edison gave his first public demonstration of incandescent lighting to an audience in Menlo Park, NJ. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
When you're through changing, you're through. --- Bruce Barton I have such poor vision I can date anybody. --- Garry Shandling (1949 - ) ______________________________________________________ A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old man cleared his throat, fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I had accumulated a fortune of $1.37. Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars." ______________________________________________________ Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and started thinking about things. "Mommy, why does daddy have so few hairs on his head?" he asked his mother. "He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness. Johnny thought for a second and replied, "I'm glad you don't do any thinking. You would look weird if you were bald!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Walter, The Stonecarver for this picture. Click through for the big picture ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Edward Miller, 21, Hartford, Connecticut a guy who ‘fought everyone’ and lost Edward Miller of Hartford, Connecticut went full-blown Screech in the metropolis of nearby West Hartford over the weekend–and the glorious result is a late contender for Mugshot of the Year. It seems that the 21-year-old set out to pretty much fight everybody at a local restaurant. That included the police who were called in to the incident. Alcohol might have been involved. The cops sure got involved. Miller kept brawling even after getting pepper-sprayed. After he was suitably tenderized and stuffed into the police car, Miller kicked out the back window of the police car. Charges include interfering with a police officer, first degree criminal mischief, and breach of peace. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Brook Re: RCA Cables Dear Webby It seems like I can never get the RCA cables to work. I have an older Wii and an older DVD player that I would like to connect (to different TVs). The cables are red, white and yellow, yet the TVs never seem to have a yellow connector. I checked on wiki and it says that "...beyond 7.1 audio, there are no color standards." Please hellp. Thanks Brook Dear Brook I think the RCA standard is history. You would need an old style TV for that. Wii might have some converters, but I would not count on that. They would rather sell you a new one, that works with today's TVs. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal Oatmeal is so filling, quick, and cheap! But oatmeal can get so boring. I like to "spice" it up every now and then to make it enjoyable again.:) One of the things I like about this recipe is that you can use your less than perfect apples that are starting to get a bit soft. This is quite tasty on a cold winter morning. And still very healthy! :) Approximate Time: About 10-15 minutes Yield: About 6 servings Ingredients: 6 cups water 3 1/2 cup oatmeal 3 large apples, any kind will do. I used Granny Smith. 1/3 - 1/2 cup brown sugar 1 - 2 tsp cinnamon butter or margarine Steps: Peel and cube 3 large apples, any kind. I used Granny Smith, but any will be great. Try and use up the ones that are going soft. They will still be tasty! Put 6 cups of water into a pot. Add apples, 1/3 - 1/2 cup brown sugar (depending on how sweet you like it). Add 1 - 2 teaspoons cinnamon (depending on how "cinnamony" you like it.:) Cook on high until you have a rolling boil. Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal Add 3 1/2 cups oatmeal, quick or regular, either one, stir constantly for about 5 minutes. Top with a lovely pat of butter or margarine and enjoy! :) You could easily halve this recipe if you don't want such a large pot. I just have a lot of people to feed! Source: Modified from "Blissful and Domestic" blog By melissa [55]
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
A guy walked into his friend's office, he found him sitting at his desk, looking very depressed. "Hey, what's up with you?", he asks. "Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She's hired a new secretary for me." "Well, nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde, redhead or brunette?" "Neither, her grandfather is bald." ______________________________________________________ Bumper Stickers from 20 years ago: If that phone was up your butt, maybe you could drive better! Don't be sexist, broads hate that. Saw it... Wanted it... Had a fit... Got it! Constipated people don't give a crap. Who lit the fuse on your tampon? My kid got your honor roll student pregnant. If you can read this... I lost my trailer. Your just jealous cause the voices are only talking to me. I have the body of a God.... Buddha. So many pedestrians...so little time. Eat right, exercise, die anyway! Illiterate...Write for help. Cover me... I'm changing lanes. Boldly going nowhere. Body by Nautilus, brain by Mattel. Honk if anything falls off. If we quit voting, will they all go away ? Heart attacks... God's revenge for dieting.


All types of peanut butter

Today in 
1687 The first Huguenots set sail from France for the Cape 
 of Good Hope, where they would later create the South African 
 wine industry with the vines they took with them on the voyage. 
1695 The window tax was imposed in Britain, which resulted in 
 many windows being bricked up. 
1775 The British repulsed an attack by Continental Army 
 generals Richard Montgomery and Benedict Arnold at Quebec. 
 Montgomery was killed in the battle. 
1857 Britain's Queen Victoria decided to make Ottawa the 
 capital of Canada. 
1879 Thomas Edison gave his first public demonstration of 
 incandescent lighting to an audience in Menlo Park, NJ. 
1891 New York's new Immigration Depot was opened at Ellis 
 Island, to provide improved facilities for the massive 
 numbers of arrivals. 
1897 Brooklyn, NY, spent its last day as a separate entity 
 before becoming part of New York City. 
1923 In London, the BBC first broadcast the chimes of Big Ben. 
1929 Guy Lombardo and his Royal Canadians played 
 "Auld Lang Syne" as a New Year's Eve song for the first time. 
1946 U.S. President Truman officially proclaimed the end of 
 hostilities in World War II. 
1955 General Motors became the first U.S. corporation to earn 
 more than one billion dollars in a single year. 
1960 The farthing coin, which had been in use in Great Britain 
 since the 13th century, ceased to be legal tender. 
1961 In the U.S., the Marshall Plan expired after distributing 
 more than $12 billion in foreign aid. 
1974 Private U.S. citizens were allowed to buy and own gold 
 for the first time in more than 40 years. 
1978 Taiwanese diplomats struck their colors for the final 
 time from the embassy flagpole in Washington, DC. The event 
 marked the end of diplomatic relations with the U.S. 
1979 At year end oil prices were 88% higher than at the 
 start of 1979. 
1986 A fire at the Dupont Plaza Hotel in San Juan, Puerto Rico, 
 killed 97 and injured 140 people. Three hotel workers later 
 pled guilty to charges in connection with the fire. 
1997 Michael Kennedy, 39-year-old son of the late U.S. Sen. 
 Robert F. Kennedy, was killed in a skiing accident on 
 Aspen Mountain in Colorado. 
1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin resigned. Prime Minister 
 Vladimir Putin was designated acting president. 
1999 Five hijackers left the airport where they had been 
 holding 150 hostages on an Indian Airlines plane. They 
 left with two Islamic clerics that they had demanded be 
 freed from an Indian prison. The plane had been hijacked 
 during a flight from Katmandu, Nepal to New Dehli on December 24. 
1999 Sarah Knauss died at the age of 119 years. She was the 
 world's oldest person. She was born September 24, 1880.
2014  smiled.


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Red X instead of picture 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, December 30

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Tennessee woman, who dressed up in armor
and went on a shooting spree.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1953 The first color TV sets went on sale for about $1,175. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Like its politicians and its wars, society has the teenagers it deserves. --- J. B. Priestley (1894 - 1984) ______________________________________________________ REPORTED TO BE REAL-LIFE ADS ~ 2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess. ~ Lost small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. ~ A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. ~ Dinner Special: Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00. ~ For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. ~ Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. ~ We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. ~ For Sale: Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy. ~ Great Dames for sale. ~ Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition. ~ Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. ~ Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. ~ If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin. ~ MT. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in. ~ Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours. ~ Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else. ______________________________________________________ >From Sandie My wife and I spent a vacation on Washington's Olympic Peninsula. We were eager to visit the rain forests near the coast, but we heard that snow slides had made some of the roads impassable. Although apprehensive about the conditions we might run into, we drove on. Sure enough, we had only gone a short way up the High Rain Forest road when we saw a sign that read, "Ice: 10 Miles." Five miles farther on, there was another sign that said, "Ice: 5 Miles." The next one read, "Ice: 1/2 Mile." We practically crept that half-mile. We finally came to the last sign. It was outside a small grocery store and it said, "Ice: $1.98." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by Walter, The Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Julia Shields 45, Chattanooga, Tennessee Woman in body armor drove around Chattanooga shooting at people A woman dressed in body armor fired shots at multiple people yesterday afternoon, resulting in a police chase on Hixson Pike, which ended in the woman's arrest. Chattanooga Police officers first responded to a report of shots fired on 1300 Cloverdale around 3:52 p.m., according to a news release from the Chattanooga Police Department. Once the officers arrived on scene, they found two victims who said they were at a stop sign when the suspect, Julia Shields, pulled up in a dark colored sedan and fired shots into their vehicle, the release said. A short time after this incident, police received several additional calls reporting that Shields was pointing her firearm at people as she drove pass them. It was reported that she shot at another vehicle in the same area around 1300 Cloverdale Drive, and officers eventually located her sitting in her vehicle in the Stuart Heights Baptist Church Parking lot on Hixson Pike, the release states. Shields escaped the parking lot in her car and led officers on a chase down Highway 153 and Hixson Pike, and continued to point her firearm at vehicles as she passed them. The chase ended at the intersection of Cloverdale Drive and Koblan Drive, as Shields pointed her firearm at an officer, before being taken into custody without incident or injury. Shields has been charged with 3 counts of attempted first degree murder, seven counts of aggravated assault, possession of a firearm during the commission of a felony, felony evading arrest, and felony reckless endangerment, the release says. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Daniel Re: Red X Dear Webby How do you get of the red x in a place where a picture should be? daniel [Free Avast Ad] Dear Daniel Tell the writer of that site, that he or she forgot to upload that picture. That can happen. Happens to me too about once a year. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hot Chocolate Bar for Parties At your next holiday, why not warm up your guests by having a hot chocolate bar. It was a big hit at our son's birthday party, especially for the kids! We had both a large crockpot with a ladle and an electric kettle for hot water. Supplies: hot chocolate mix whipped cream candy canes (crushed or whole) mini marshmallows sprinkles cups with lids and sleeves stir sticks By lalala... [540]
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband. "Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?" "Er, yes, I did," said the husband. "But I couldn't spell conveeniance, so I made it risk." ______________________________________________________ By the time Ted arrived at the hockey game, the first quarter was almost over. "Why are you so late?" his friend asked. "I had to toss a coin to decide between going to church and coming to the game." "How long could that have taken you?" "Well, I had to toss it 114 times."


All types of peanut butter

Today in 
1460 At the Battle of Wakefield, in England's Wars of the 
 Roses, the Duke of York was defeated and killed by the 
 Lancastrians. 
1853 The United States bought about 45,000 square miles 
 of land from Mexico in a deal known as the Gadsden Purchase. 
1880 The Transvaal was declared a republic. Paul Kruger 
 became its first president. 
1887 A petition to Queen Victoria with over one million 
 names of women appealing for public houses to be closed 
 on Sundays was handed to the home secretary. 
1903 About 600 people died when fire broke out at the 
 Iroquois Theater in Chicago, IL. 
1919 Lincoln's Inn, in London, admitted the first 
 female bar student. 
1922 The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR) was formed. 
1924 Edwin Hubble announced the existence of other 
 galactic systems. 
1927 The first subway in the Orient was dedicated in Tokyo, Japan. 
1935 Italian bombers destroyed a Sweedish Red Cross unit in 
 Ethiopia. 
1936 The United Auto Workers union staged its first sit-down 
 strike, at the Fisher Body Plant in Flint, MI. 
1940 California's first freeway was officially opened. It 
 was the Arroyo Seco Parkway connecting Los Angeles and 
 Pasadena. 
1944 King George II of Greece proclaimed a regency to rule 
 his country, virtually renouncing the throne. 
1947 King Michael of Romania abdicated in favor of a 
 Communist Republic. He claimed he was forced from his 
 throne. 
1953 The first color TV sets went on sale for about $1,175. 
1972 The United States halted its heavy bombing of 
 North Vietnam. 
1993 Israel and the Vatican established diplomatic relations. 
1996 A passenger train was bombed by Bodo separatists in 
 India's eastern state of Assam. At least 26 people were 
 killed and dozens were seriously injured. 
1996 About 250,000 striking workers shut down vital services 
 across Israel in protests against budget cuts proposed by 
 Prime Minister Netanyahu. 
1997 More than 400 people were massacred in four villages 
 in the single worst incident during Algeria's insurgency.
2014  smiled.


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Monitoring Internet usage 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, December 29

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Nebraska woman, who rammed a couple,
who parked where she wanted to park
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1890 The U.S. Seventh Cavalry massacred over 400 men, women 
 and children at Wounded Knee Creek, SD. This was the last 
 major conflict between Indians and U.S. troops. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
To have doubted one's own first principles is the mark of a civilized man. --- Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. (1841 - 1935) The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook. --- William James ______________________________________________________ A minister, having served the same church for many years, decided to leave and take a similar position in another church. Without telling anyone or writing a letter to the congregationhe had made this decision. He waited until Sunday morning to announce his resignation in church. When he spoke to the congregation he said, "The same Jesus that called me to this church many years ago has now called upon me to leave and serve another church." The choir all stood and sang, "What a Friend We Have in Jesus." ______________________________________________________ >From Andy My daughter's fifth grade class had been studying astronomy. One morning over breakfast she announced, "On Friday we're having a quiz on the moon." At once her little brother's eyes got big and he asked, "Are you gonna let her go, Mom?" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kimberley Pankratius 36 Lincoln, Nebraska Nebraska woman rams couple, who parked where she wanted to park Last Saturday, a couple named Julie and Christopher Weakly went to their local Walmart in Lincoln, Nebraska. While parking, they allegedly took a space that 36-year-old Kimberley Pankratius (pictured above) had been waiting for. The couple say they were unaware that Kimberley had had her eye on the spot. According to a police report, Kimberley wound down her window and yelled at the couple, calling them "douchebags." Julie says that she and her husband ignored Kimberley and walked toward the store. As they were walking, police say, Kimberley drove her PT Cruiser directly at the couple, hitting Julie with the wing mirror hard enough to break it from the car. Kimberley fled the scene, but was tracked down later by police. She was arrested and charged with assault and use of a deadly weapon to commit a felony. Kimberley told police that she "felt really bad" about the whole thing, and claimed she'd been trying to scare the couple, rather than actually hit them with her car. The police report does not specify why she appears to be wearing one of those capes, that they give you when you get your hair cut, for her mugshot. Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Monitor Internet usage Dear Webby Good morning! I am looking for your expertise on a problem I have. The Grandson is at our house a lot with his X-Box and using a lot of our internet capacity. I hear rumors of a download that enables me to monitor internet usage to determine where it is going. Our internet supplier only indicates total usage for the day. I am looking for something a little more specific. Do you have any recommendations. This is getting to be a real problem. Thanks a lot for your help and have a Great New Year!! Jim Dear Jim There are no free programs, that I know of, that will tell you where connections have gone to. The best you can do for free are these 5: http://www.hongkiat.com/blog/monitor-internet-usage/ They will tell you what times of day how much data has been used. Since you can already monitor usage per day, it is easy enough to compare days, when he is not visiting to days when he is, and bill him accordingly. Once you start billing him, he will find somebody else to mooch of. He probably does know some people, who have unlimited bandwidth. He can go visit them with his X-box, or at least spread his mooching around. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Leftover Egg Yolks or Whites With all the holiday cooking, there is bound to be some that use only half the egg. I have one now that used only 6 whites. Rather then wasting them or scrambling to make some other recipe, you may save either your white or yolks separately in individual ice cube trays. Whites are fine as is but you need to add a little sugar OR salt to your yolks before freezing. I use salt since it's used in so many recipes. Then just pop them out and let them defrost when you need them! They keep for at least three months. Happy Baking! By Dee [186] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ The Judge admonished the witness, "Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?" "I do." "Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?" "Sure," said the witness. "My side will win." "OK, then, if your side wins, you are guilty of perjury and will get ten years." ______________________________________________________ Bob's wife uses curlers in her hair after she washes it. She came into the Family Room as he was watching TV. He stared at her funny because she said, "I just set my hair." The last thing he remembers saying was, "Oh, really? And what time does it go off?"


All types of peanut butter

Today in 
1170 - St. Thomas ŕ Becket, the 40th archbishop of Canterbury, 
 was murdered in his own cathedral by four knights acting on 
 Henry II's orders. 
1812 The USS Constitution won a battle with the British ship 
 HMS Java about 30 miles off the coast of Brazil. Before 
 Commodore William Bainbridge ordered the sinking of the Java 
 he had her wheel removed to replace the one the Constitution 
 had lost during the battle. 
1813 The British burned Buffalo, NY, during the War of 1812. 
1837 Canadian militiamen destroyed the Caroline, a U.S. 
 steamboat docked at Buffalo, NY. 
1848 U.S. President James Polk turned on the first gas light 
 at the White House. 
1860 The HMS Warrior, Britain's first seagoing iron-hulled 
 warship, was launched. 
1890 The U.S. Seventh Cavalry massacred over 400 men, women 
 and children at Wounded Knee Creek, SD. This was the last 
 major conflict between Indians and U.S. troops. 
1895 The Jameson Raid from Mafikeng into Transvaal, which 
 attempted to overthrow Kruger's Boer government, started. 
1911 Sun Yat-sen became the first president of a republican 
 China. 
1934 Japan renounced the Washington Naval Treaty of 1922 
 and the London Naval Treaty of 1930. 
1940 During World War II, Germany began dropping incendiary 
 bombs on London. 
1952 The first transistorized hearing aid was offered for 
 sale by Sonotone Corporation. 
1975 A bomb exploded in the main terminal of New York's 
 LaGuardia Airport. 11 people were killed. 
1986 The Biltmore Hotel in Coral Gables, FL, reopened for business 
 after eighteen years and $47 million expended on restoration. 
1989 Following Hong Kong's decision to forcibly repatriate some 
 Vietnamese refugees, thousands of Vietnamese 'boat people' 
 battled with riot police. 
1996 The Guatemalan government and leaders of the leftist 
 Guatemalan National Revolutionary Union signed a peace accord 
 in Guatemala City, ending a civil war that had lasted 36 years. 
1997 Hong Kong began killing 1.25 million chickens, the entire 
 population, for fear of the spread of 'bird flu'. 
1998 Khmer Rouge leaders apologized for the 1970s genocide in 
 Cambodia that claimed 1 million lives. 
2014  smiled.


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Decrapifier 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, December 28

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida driver trying to impersonate a cop
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1869 William E. Semple, of Mt. Vernon, OH, patented an 
 acceptable chewing gum. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The United States Congress, like a lot of rich people, lives in two houses. --- John Green ______________________________________________________ It was their fifth anniversary, and Sandra and Michael had just returned from the movies. Sandra was feeling romantic. "Will you love me when my hair has turned to silver?" she crooned. "Why not?" Michael grunted. "Didn't I love you through hundred and fourteen other shades?" ______________________________________________________ Once there was a little boy that lived in the country. They had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer and cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek. One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large pole and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away. That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why. Dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it son?" The boy answered "Yes father". Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth." The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in the cherry tree." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to James Buck, 23 Spring Hill, Florida Florida driver impersonating officer had 'Let's Be Cops' DVD Deputies arrested a driver and charged him with impersonating an officer after he allegedly tried pulling over a motorist that almost collided with his car on Christmas night. Hernando County sheriff's deputies got a call from someone saying that a reckless driver in an SUV nearly hit him in Spring Hill, Florida. After the near crash, the caller said the SUV driver chased him with flashing lights at a high speed and was trying to get him to pull over, according to WTSP. Deputies eventually caught up with James Buck and they discovered several items of law-enforcement paraphernalia. Affixed to the 23-year-old's SUV was a sticker saying "Department of Defense registered vehicle," a police interceptor emblem often seen on official patrol cars and accessories like L.E.D. lights and a siren or public address speaker. A shield-style badge was hanging from his rearview mirror and another was in Buck's wallet, deputies said. Buck allegedly told deputies that he added the police lights and other faux law-enforcement gear to his truck so "no one would mess with him," according to WESH. It's possible that Buck has criminally bad taste in movies too. Deputies said they found a "Let's Be Cops" DVD inside his truck. The 2014 buddy-cop flick stars Damon Wayans, Jr. and Jake Johnon as two wannabe Los Angeles policemen. It was poorly received by critics. Buck was charged with one count of fraud of impersonating a law enforcement officer and remained in jail on Friday afternoon, according to Hernando County sheriff's office records. Tech Support Pits From: Susan Re: Decrapifier Dear Webby Hello again, I was reading in a computer magizine's list of '20 downloads you can't do without'...CCleaner is the first on the list. (I got that years ago after you recommended it) The next on the list is called PC De-Crapyfier (also free). I am curious but would appreciate your oppinion on this download. Where do I get it without a bunch of bad stuff added? Thank you. Susan Dear Susan Most new machines come with all kinds of crap pre-loaded. In addition to that, as you seem to have noticed, many programs come with undesired extras thrown in as payload. Decrapifier gets rid of all that crap. You can get it without ANY payload right from the people who created it at http://www.pcdecrapifier.com/download You will be surprised at all the crap it finds on your computer. It is quite civilized. First it makes a restore point, then it shows you lists of stuff. If you have never used it, or not used it for years, put a checkmark on it for removal. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Leftover Egg Yolks or Whites With all the holiday cooking, there is bound to be some that use only half the egg. I have one now that used only 6 whites. Rather then wasting them or scrambling to make some other recipe, you may save either your white or yolks separately in individual ice cube trays. Whites are fine as is but you need to add a little sugar OR salt to your yolks before freezing. I use salt since it's used in so many recipes. Then just pop them out and let them defrost when you need them! They keep for at least three months. Happy Baking! By Dee [186] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ Thanks to Arvid for this report: I decided to stop worrying about my wife's driving and take advantage of it. I got one of those bumper stickers that say, "How's my driving?" and put a 900 number on it. At 50 cents a call, I've been making about $38 a week. ______________________________________________________ "So, what's the matter? I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband." "Oh, everything went wrong: First he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I was reeling in too soon. "All that might have been all right; but then, to make matters worse, I ended up catching twelve fish and he caught none!"


Food Safety

Today in 
1065 Westminster Abbey was consecrated under Edward the Confessor. 
1694 Queen Mary II of England died after five years of joint rule 
 with her husband, King William III. 
1836 Mexico's independence was recognized by Spain. 
1869 William E. Semple, of Mt. Vernon, OH, patented an 
 acceptable chewing gum. 
1877 John Stevens applied for a patent for his flour-rolling mill, 
 which boosted production by 70%. 
1879 In Dundee, Scotland the central portion of the Tay Bridge 
 collapsed as a train was passing over it. 75 people were killed. 
1908 An earthquake killed over 75,000 at Messina in Sicily. 
1912 The first municipally-owned street cars were used on the 
 streets of San Francisco, CA. 
1917 The New York Evening Mail published a facetious essay by 
 H.L. Mencken on the history of bathtubs in America. 
1937 The Irish Free State became the Republic of Ireland when a new 
 constitution established the country as a sovereign state under 
 the name of Eire. 
1945 The U.S. Congress officially recognized the "Pledge of Allegiance." 
1964 Initial filming of the movie "Dr. Zhivago" began on location near 
 Madrid, Spain. The movies total running time is 197 minutes. 
1973 Alexander Solzhenitsyn published "Gulag Archipelago," an expose 
 of the Soviet prison system. 
1981 Elizabeth Jordan Carr, the first American test-tube baby, was 
 born in Norfolk, VA. 
1982 Nevell Johnson Jr. was mortally wounded by a police officer 
 in a Miami video arcade. The event set off three days of race 
 related disturbances that left another man dead. 
1989 Alexander Dubcek, who had been expelled from the Communist 
 Party in 1970, was elected speaker of the Czech parliament. 
1991 Nine people died in a rush to get into a basketball game 
 at City College in New York. 
1995 Pressure from German prosecutors investigating pornography 
 forced CompuServe to set a precedent by blocking access to 
 sex-oriented newsgroups on the Internet for its customers. 
2000 U.S. District Court Judge Matsch held a hearing to ensure 
 that confessed Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh understood 
 that he was dropping his appeals. McVeigh said that he wanted 
 an execution date set but wanted to reserve the right to seek 
 presidential clemency. 
2014  smiled.


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Chrome tabs slowing everything down 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, December 27

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an

Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1978 Spain adopted a new constitution and became a democracy 
 after 40 years of dictatorship. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
When a man says he approves of something in principle, it means he hasn't the slightest intention of putting it into practice. --- Otto von Bismarck (1815 - 1898) ______________________________________________________ >From N.W. I was taking a shower when my 2 year old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots.They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror wearing nothing but a camera! - Name Withheld ______________________________________________________ My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Beehive ginger (Zingiber spectabile) ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jared Kreft, 30, Wausau, Wisconsin Wisconsin perv arrested for performing oral sex on horse A man in Wausau, Wisconsin, is facing bestiality charges after admitting he performed oral sex on a horse. Jared Kreft, 30, was arrested last Wednesday after deputies in Marathon County responded to a call about strange goings-on in a Wausau barn, according to TheNorthwestern.com. When they arrived, they saw Kreft near a horse wearing a face mask, black jacket and blue wind pants with holes cut in the areas of the crotch and butt. The suspect also had a marijuana pipe and a jar of petroleum jelly in his possession, according to court documents. Police said Kreft allegedly admitted that he had been performing oral sex on the horse in the barn, which came about after viewing "horse pornography," according to the Metro. Deputies searched Kreft's apartment in the city of Wausau, and allegedly found a small amount of marijuana, the Wausau Daily Herald reports. Kreft was charged with sexual gratification with an animal sex organ, possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of marijuana as a repeat offender and bail jumping, according to court records. He remains in Marathon County Jail, unable to post a $2,000 bond, WSAU.com reports. He is due in court Tuesday afternoon. Tech Support Pits From: Mathilda Re: Chrome tabs slowing everything down Dear Webby Lately my Windows has been getting really slow and sluggish, especially when I got a bunch of tabs open in Chrome. Yeah, I am a Taurus and a packrat, and usually have a bunch of tabs open, to get back to them later. Is there a way to deal with that, without manualy putting each URL into a spreadsheet? Thanks Mathilda Dear Mathilda You are not the only Taurus out there, and there is indeed a program made just for us. It is called OneTab. It puts a little blue funnel icon to the right of the address bar. You hit that, and all the open tabs vanish. Instead you have one tab called OneTab. Hit that, and there are all your previously open tabs, clickable to open when needed. You get it free at One Tab When you hit the funnel tab you see all your tabs, clickable. You can sort them by dragging a tab up or down. You can even upload the tabs by clicking "Share as a Web Page", and then send the secret URL of the generated page to friends or to your home machine. Plus a few more nifty tricks at the far right top, like Export and Import. OneTab even lists the tabs from separate windows nicely separated. I can highly recommend it! OneTab is also available for FireFox, not just Chrome, and they have a version for Mac too. Check http://www.one-tab.com/ Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Dog Hair Out of the Drain Bathe you dog in the tub? Catch his hair before it clogs the drain. Save the netted bags that potatoes and onions come in. Scrunch one up tightly and stick it down into the drain before letting the water out. All of the dog hair will collect around the top of it. Then, just toss it in the trash. By jean99 [6] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ Judi was almost crazy with her three kids. She complained to her best friend, "They're driving me nuts. Such pests, they give me no rest and I'm half-way to the nut hatch." "What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself," her friend said. So Judi bought a playpen. A few days later, her friend called to ask how things were going. "Superb! I can't believe it," Judi said. "I get into that pen and I can answer all of my email before the first one climbs over it!" ______________________________________________________ Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. "I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house." "Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing. About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend. He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North, 9 months ago?" "Yes, I do." "Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?" "Yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have to admit that I did." "And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name, and give her my business card?" Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?" "She just died and left me everything." ______________________________________________________ Four strangers traveled together in the same compartment of a European train. Two men and two women faced each other. One woman was a very wealthy and sophisticated 75-year-old lady who was decked out in the finest of furs and jewelry. Next to her sat a beautiful young woman, nineteen years old, who looked like something right off the cover of a fashion magazine. Across from the older lady was a man in his late-forties who was a highly decorated Sergeant Major in the Army. And next to the Sergeant Major sat a young private fresh out of boot camp. As these four strangers traveled, they talked and chatted about trivial things until they entered an unlighted tunnel, and there they sat in complete darkness and total silence, until the sound of a distinct kiss broke the silence; following the kiss a loud slap could be heard throughout the cabin. In the ensuing period of silence the four strangers sat quietly with their own thoughts. The older lady was thinking, "Isn't it wonderful that even in this permissive day and age there are still young women who have a little self-respect and dignity?" The young woman, shaking her head and greatly puzzled, asked herself, "Why in the world would any man in his right mind want to kiss an old fossil like that when I'm sitting here?" The Sergeant Major, rubbing his sore face, was outraged that any woman could ever think that a man in his position would try to sneak a kiss in the dark. And the private, grinning from ear to ear, was thinking, "What a crazy and mixed up world this is when a private can kiss the back of his hand and then smack a Sergeant Major in the face and get away with it!"


Food Safety

Today in 
1703 The Methuen Treaty was signed between Portugal and England, 
 giving preference to the import of Portuguese wines into England. 
1831 Charles Darwin set out on a voyage to the Pacific aboard 
 the HMS Beagle. Darwin's discoveries during the voyage helped 
 him form the basis of his theories on evolution. 
1845 Dr. Crawford Williamson Long used anesthesia for childbirth 
 for the first time. The event was the delivery of his own child 
 in Jefferson, GA. 
1900 Carrie Nation staged her first raid on a saloon at the 
 Carey Hotel in Wichita, KS. She broke each and every one of 
 the liquor bottles that could be seen. 
1927 Leon Trotsky was expelled from the Communist Party. 
1949 Queen Juliana of the Netherlands granted sovereignty to 
 Indonesia after more than 300 years of Dutch rule. 
1951 In Cincinnati, OH, a Crosley automobile, with a 
 steering wheel on the right side, became the first vehicle 
 of its kind to be placed in service for mail delivery. 
1965 The BP oil rig Sea Gem capsized in the North Sea, with 
 the loss of 13 lives. 
1978 Spain adopted a new constitution and became a democracy 
 after 40 years of dictatorship. 
1979 Soviet forces seized control of Afghanistan. Babrak Karmal 
 succeeded President Hafizullah Amin, who was overthrown 
 and executed. 
1985 Palestinian guerrillas opened fire inside the Rome and 
 Vienna airports. A total of twenty people were killed, 
 including five of the attackers, who were slain by police 
 and security personnel. 
1985 Dian Fossey, an American naturalist, was found murdered 
 at a research station in Rawanda. 
1992 The U.S. shot down an Iraqi fighter jet during what the 
 Pentagon described as a confrontation between a pair of Iraqi 
 warplanes and U.S. F-16 jets in U.N.-restricted airspace 
 over southern Iraq. 
1996 Muslim fundamentalist Taliban forces retook the strategic 
 air base of Bagram, solidifying their buffer zone around 
 Kabul, the Afghanistan capital. 
1997 In Northern Ireland, Billy Wright was assassinated. He was 
 imprisoned as a Protestant paramilitary leader. 
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush granted China permanent 
 normal trade status with the United States. 
2002 North Korea ordered U.N. nuclear inspectors to leave the 
 country and said that it would restart a laboratory capable 
 of producing plutonium for nuclear weapons. 
2002 In Chechnya, at least 40 people were killed when suicide 
 bombers attacked the administartion of Grozny.
2014  smiled.


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DVD player for W8 and W8.1 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, December 26
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Idaho batman with warrants 
drawing the attention of the cops
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1865 The coffee percolator was patented by James H. Mason. 
1898 Marie and Pierre Curie discovered radium.  
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The reverse side also has a reverse side. --- Japanese Proverb The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards. --- Arthur Koestler (1905 - 1983) ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Ann for this story: I wanted a haircut and phoned a salon early for an appoint- ment but was told customers were taken on a walk-in basis only. On Saturday I got there by 9 a.m. and there were already ten people waiting. I drove to another salon, but it was booked solid. Still another had no openings. The situation seemed hopeless, so I went home. My husband greeted me at the door. "That was fast," he said cheerfully. "Your hair looks great!" ______________________________________________________ The heaviest element known to science is Managerium. This element has no protons or electrons, but has a nucleus made up of 1 neutron, 2 vice-neutrons, 5 junior vice-neutrons, 25 assistant vice-neutrons, and 125 junior assistant vice- neutrons all going round in circles. Managerium has a half-life of three years, at which time it does not decay but institutes a series of reviews leading to reorganization. Its molecules are held together by means of the exchange of tiny particles known as morons. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andrew Michael Christenson, 24, Pocatello, Idaho Cops arrest batman on outstanding warrant Late Saturday evening, cops in Pocatello, Idaho received a call that suspicious subjects “dressed as Batman and Superman were attempting entry into a residence.” When cops later approached the pair, they claimed to be looking for a party, according to police. Upon further questioning, officers determined that Batman-- Andrew Michael Christenson--had an active arrest warrant. “The Dark Knight was taken into custody and incarcerated,” cops reported. Seen above, the 24-year-old Christenson was arrested and booked into the Bannock County jail, where he was photographed sans mask. No charges were filed against Superman. Tech Support Pits From: Nina Re: Play DVD on W8.1 Dear Webby My not very bright husband traded in my W7 computer for a new one with W8.1. Yuck! Worst of all, it does not play music and games off DVDs! He is not going to hear the end of that anytime soon! Is there a way around that? Nina Dear Nina Yes, there is. You are not the only one upset about that, but there is a very popular program called VLC, that takes care of that. It does a much better job of it than MediaPlayer did even in W7. The only downside is the myriad of options in it. Do you want Surround Sound for 7 speakers or for 5, or just two? And so on. It is usable with the default settings, but you can tweak it to perfection if you read the instructions. You can download it free from VideoLan #download Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hot Dog Bun Garlic Toast One night I realized I had forgotten to buy garlic bread for our dinner. Too late for a trip to the store. I realized I had some extra hot dog buns though, and decided I could improvise. The improvising turned out well and I haven't bought pre-made garlic bread since. Not only are they tasty, but this costs way less since hot dog buns are so cheap. Enjoy! :) Approximate Time: Around 14 minutes Yield: As many as you like Ingredients: hot dog buns butter or margarine salt powdered Parmesan cheese Italian seasoning garlic powder Steps: Split as many hot dog buns in half as you like. split in half Spread a generous amount of butter or margarine on each. spread with butter or margarine Sprinkle generous amounts of salt, Parmesan cheese, Italian seasoning, and garlic powder on each buttered half. butter and seasonings addd Bake in a 450 degree F oven for about 13 minutes or until golden brown. Enjoy! finished Source: Self By melissa [53] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: Because he's a longtime Harley rider, my grandfather looks at everything from a biker's perspective. I once gave him a haircut and got carried away. He looked at the pile of gray hair on the floor, smiled and said, "You cut off half the chrome!" ______________________________________________________ My 50-something friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to access the popular "Ask Jeeves" site, and we told her it could answer any question she had. Nancy's mother was very skeptical, but finally typed in a question: "How is aunt Nellie doing?


Food Safety

Today in 
1620 The Pilgrim Fathers landed at New Plymouth, MA, to 
 found Plymouth Colony, with John Carver as Governor. 
1776 The British suffered a major defeat in the Battle of 
 Trenton during the American Revolutionary War. 
1865 The coffee percolator was patented by James H. Mason. 
1898 Marie and Pierre Curie discovered radium. 
1908 Texan boxer "Galveston Jack" Johnson knocked out Tommy 
 Burns in Sydney, Australia, to become the first black boxer 
 to win the world heavyweight title. 
1917 During World War I, the U.S. government took over operation 
 of the nation's railroads. 
1921 The Catholic Irish Free State became a self-governing 
 dominion of Great Britain. 
1941 Winston Churchill became the first British prime minister 
 to address a joint meeting of the U.S. Congress. 
1943 The German battlecruiser Scharnhorst was sunk in the 
 North Sea, during the Battle of North Cape. 
1947 Heavy snow blanketed the Northeast United States, burying 
 New York City under 25.8 inches of snow in 16 hours. The 
 severe weather was blamed for about 80 deaths. 
1956 Fidel Castro attempted a secret landing in Cuba to 
 overthrow the Batista regime. All but 11 of his supporters 
 were killed. 
1991 The Soviet Union's parliament formally voted the country 
 out of existence. 
1995 Israel turned dozens of West Bank villages over to the 
 Palestinian Authority. 
1996 Six-year-old beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey was found 
 beaten and strangled in the basement of her family's home 
 in Boulder, CO. 
1998 Iraq announced that it would fire on U.S. and British 
 warplanes that patrol the skies over northern and southern Iraq. 
2002 The first cloned human baby was born. The announcement was 
 made the December 27 by Clonaid. 
2004 Under the Indian Ocean, a 9.0 magnitude earthquake sent 
 500-mph waves across the Indian Ocean and Bay of Bengal. The 
 tsunami killed at least 283,000 people in a dozen countries, 
 including Sri Lanka, Indonesia, Sumatra, Thailand and India.
2014  smiled.


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Office starter renewal nagger 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, December 25



Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Louisiana Woman Nabbed For Trying To "Forcefully" 
Steal Shoes Off 11-Year-Old Boy's Feet
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1223 St. Francis of Assisi assembled one of the first 
 Nativity scenes, in Greccio, Italy. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature. --- Tom Robbins (1936 - ) ______________________________________________________ In the office where I work, there is a constant battle between our technical-support director and customer-service personnel over the room temperature, which is usually too low. The frustrated director, trying to get us to understand his position, announced one afternoon, "We need to keep the temperature below seventy-five degrees or the computers will overheat." Thinking that this was just another excuse, one of my shivering colleagues retorted, "Yeah right. So how did they keep the computers from overheating before there was air conditioning." ______________________________________________________ A guy goes to the doctor due to a hangnail. He walks in, tells the nurse what is wrong and she immediately tells him: "Go into the cubicle on the left and take off all your clothes. The doctor will be with you shortly." Wondering why this problem would require one to undress, he nontheless complies. After a few minutes, he becomes aware someone is in the cubicle next to his, separated only by a curtain. He peeks and there is another guy standing there undressed. He attracts the man's attention, then asks "Why do you suppose that nurse told me to take off all my clothes? I only have a hangnail?" The other man replied, "No idea, I'm just the UPS man trying to deliver a package." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture AfterTheChristmasParty ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Chessly Brimberry, 36, Louisiana Louisiana Woman Nabbed For Trying To Forcefully Steal Shoes Off 11-Year-Old Boy's Feet Chessly Brimberry, a Louisiana woman, 36, is jailed after allegedly trying to “forcefully” steal the shoes off an 11-year-old boy. Following Saturday afternoon’s attempted theft, cops arrested Brimberry based on a description provided by the young victim. After being collared, Brimberry “stated she could not believe she was being arrested for trying to take shoes from an 11 year old kid,” according to a probable cause affidavit. Police noted that Brimberry’s blood alcohol content was measured at more than three times the legal limit for motorists (though the affidavit does not indicate that Brimberry was driving). While being booked into jail, Brimberry reportedly told a cop, “When I see you I will kill you.” She also twice tried to run out of the jail, investigators noted. Pictured above, Brimberry is locked up in lieu of $7500 bond. Brimberry was charged with attempted robbery and public intimidation. The affidavit does not disclose what kind of shoes she wrestled off the child. Tech Support Pits From: Bev Re: MS Office nagger Dear Webby I have windows 7 with Chrome and use Open Office. I've been getting a notice to update Microsoft office starter 2010. Should I do it and do I need it? Thanks once again for your help. bevtank Dear Bev Difficult to say from this distance whether that is a scam or whether it is Microsoft whining about you not buying their stuff. Some people would probably consider that the same. Since you got open Office, you don't need their starter. Just ignore it. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hot Dog Bun Garlic Toast One night I realized I had forgotten to buy garlic bread for our dinner. Too late for a trip to the store. I realized I had some extra hot dog buns though, and decided I could improvise. The improvising turned out well and I haven't bought pre-made garlic bread since. Not only are they tasty, but this costs way less since hot dog buns are so cheap. Enjoy! :) Approximate Time: Around 14 minutes Yield: As many as you like Ingredients: hot dog buns butter or margarine salt powdered Parmesan cheese Italian seasoning garlic powder Steps: Split as many hot dog buns in half as you like. split in half Spread a generous amount of butter or margarine on each. spread with butter or margarine Sprinkle generous amounts of salt, Parmesan cheese, Italian seasoning, and garlic powder on each buttered half. butter and seasonings addd Bake in a 450 degree F oven for about 13 minutes or until golden brown. Enjoy! finished Source: Self By melissa [53] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ >From Ed "The first thing I did after being hired as the director of learning technology at a high school was to change the sign outside my door -- the one that had my name followed by the acronym D.O.L.T." ______________________________________________________ Three tourists climbed up the tower with London's Big Ben and decided to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch them before they hit the ground. The first tourist threw his watch but heard it crash before the had taken three steps. the second threw his watch and made only two steps before hearing his watch shatter. The third tourist threw his watch off the tower, went down the stairs, bought a snack at a shop up the street and walked slowly back to Big Ben in time to catch the watch." How did you do that?" asked one of his friends. "My watch is 20 minutes slow."


Silver Bells, a Christmas classic

Today in 
0800 Charlemagne was crowned first Holy Roman Emperor
 in Rome by Pope Leo III. 
1066 William the Conqueror was crowned king of England. 
1223 St. Francis of Assisi assembled one of the first 
 Nativity scenes, in Greccio, Italy. 
1776 Gen. George Washington and his troops crossed the 
 Delaware River for a surprise attack against Hessian 
 forces at Trenton, NJ. 
1818 "Silent Night" was performed for the first time, 
 at the Church of St. Nikolaus in Oberndorff, Austria. 
1868 U.S. President Andrew Johnson granted an unconditional 
 pardon to all persons involved in the Southern rebellion 
 that resulted in the Civil War. 
1914 During World War I, British and German troops observed 
 an unofficial truce and even playing football together 
 on the Western Front. 
1926 Hirohito became the emperor of Japan after the death 
 of his father Emperor Taisho. 
1941 Hong Kong surrendered to the Japanese. 
1962 The Department of Commerce Census Clock in Washington, 
 DC, recorded the U.S. population on this day as 188 M. 
1972 The Nicaraguan capital Managua was hit by an earthquake. 
 Over 10,000 people were killed. 
1979 The USSR invaded Afghanistan in a bid to halt civil war 
 and protect USSR interests. 
1989 Ousted Romanian President Nicolae Ceausescu and his wife, 
 Elena, were executed following a popular uprising. 
1989 Dissident playwright Vaclav Havel was elected president 
 of Czechoslovakia. 
1991 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev went on television 
 to announce his resignation as leader of a Communist superpower 
 that had already gone out of existence. 
2000 Over 300 people were killed and dozens were injured by fire 
 at a Christmas party in the Chinese city of Luoyang. The 
 incident occurred at the Dongdu Disco.
2014  smiled.


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Revert to old version of Skype 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, December 24



Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Man Pulled Gun Over "Missing" McDouble Burger
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1966 Luna 13 landed on the moon. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The main dangers in this life are the people who want to change everything - or nothing. --- Nancy Astor (1879 - 1964) To predict the behavior of ordinary people in advance, you only have to assume that they will always try to escape a disagreeable situation with the smallest possible expenditure of intelligence. --- Friedrich Nietzsche ______________________________________________________ I figured that at age seven it was inevitable for my son to begin having doubts about Santa Claus. Sure enough, one day he said, "Mom, I know something about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy." Taking a deep breath, I asked him, "What is that?" He replied, "They're all nocturnal." ______________________________________________________ My brother and his wife shared their apartment with a parakeet named "Nicky." The exterminator was scheduled to come, so my sister-in-law put Nicky in the bedroom and hung a sign on the door: "Please skip this room. Do not open door. Pet flies." The exterminator came. On his receipt he wrote this comment: "Finished all of the apartment except room with the pet flies." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ reported by Don An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Demetri Johnson, 21 Nashville Tennessee Man Pulled Gun Over Missing McDouble Burger Tennessee cops are hunting for a McDonald’s patron who pulled a gun on restaurant workers after complaining that his drive-thru order was short a McDouble cheeseburger. According to police, Demetri Johnson, 21, placed an order early last Thursday at a McDonald’s in Nashville. After receiving his food, he pulled away from the restaurant’s drive-thru lane. Johnson, pictured at right, soon returned to the eatery “and complained that he was missing a McDouble cheeseburger,” cops reported. A McDonald’s manager asked Johnson to park his car and promised “he would bring out the missing item.” Detectives allege that after waiting for a few minutes, Johnson entered the restaurant with a gun in his hand. After racking the weapon, he demanded that his McDouble order be fixed. “He and the three women with him also demanded fresh fries and new soft drinks,” cops added. The quartet departed after receiving their food. Johnson is being sought on a felony aggravated assault charge. According to court records, Johnson has previously been arrested for weapons possession and theft. Whether the original hamburger was already missing or not, won't have any effect when it comes to the sentencing for armed robbery. Tech Support Pits From: Aesop Re: Old Skype Dear Webby I don't like the new version of Skype at all. What are those bozos smoking? Whatever it is, it makes them look stupid. Is there a way to go back to a decent version? Thanks Aesop Dear Aesop Try Skype 6.20. That site might be VERY busy. If it is too busy, try Skype 6.20.0.104 I am using the first of those two. Keep in mind that after you have had one of the bad versions like 6.22 or later installed, it will try to re-install that when you are not watching, for example during a reboot after updating something else. The result of course is quite obvious when you see the nuisance pufter design. Then you have to re-install 6.20 over top of it, again. They just like rubbing it in that you are the victim and they are the Queens Of Nuisance. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Almost Grandma's Applesauce My grandma recently passed away. She was the best cook in the world, anyone that knew her would tell you the same thing. One of her specialties was her applesauce. I have been fiddling with my recipe for quite some time, and this is finally "almost" just like Grandma's! This is shockingly quick to make, only cooks for 8-10 minutes. It tastes great still hot off the stove, you can also use any or all varieties of apples. I used what I had, red delicious, golden delicious, and Granny Smith. *This is a great way to use up those apples that you forgot about and are now less than perfect. Approximate Time: 10 minutes Yield: 7 Cups Ingredients: 15 smallish apples, any variety 2 cups water 3/4 cup white sugar 1 tsp cinnamon 1 tsp nutmeg Steps: Peel and quarter your apples, place them in a stock pot. Put water and spices in the pot. Bring to a boil, reduce to a simmer and cook for about 10 minutes. You will want to stir occasionally. Using a potato masher, push down on your mixture only a few times to break up the very large pieces. Leave it chunky, that's what Grandma did. It's better that way!:) It is wonderful eaten hot off the stove, also very good from the fridge, freezes well too. That is if you have enough left over to do so! Source: My Grandma By melissa [53] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ After booking my 80-year-old mother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her needs. The representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and impaired vision. My apprehension lightened a bit when the woman assured me that everything would be taken care of. I thanked her profusely. "Oh, you're welcome," she replied. I was about to hang up when she cheerfully asked, "And will your mother need a rental car?" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Millie for this story: As a new grandmother, I am very protective of my daughter Meredith's baby girl. One cool afternoon I dropped by to see my grandchild. Meredith and a friend had taken little Allison for a walk in her stroller and were just coming up the street. As soon as they reached me, I bent down to admire Allison and, in my fussiest voice, remarked, "Your little head is cold. You should have a hat on." My daughter looked knowingly at her friend and said, "You owe me ten bucks."


Silver Bells, a Christmas classic

Today in 
1814 The War of 1812 between the U.S. and Britain was ended
1818 Franz Gruber of Oberndorf, Germany composed the music for 
 "Silent Night" to words written by Josef Mohr. 
1851 A fire devastated the Library of Congress in Washington, 
 DC, destroying about 35,000 volumes. 
1865 Several veterans of the Confederate Army formed a private 
 social club in Pulaski, TN, called the Ku Klux Klan. 
1906 Reginald A. Fessenden became the first person to broadcast 
 a music program over radio, from Brant Rock, MA. 
1914 In World War I, the first air raid on Britain was made 
 when a German airplane dropped a bomb on the grounds of a 
 rectory in Dover. 
1943 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt appointed Gen. Dwight 
 D. Eisenhower supreme commander of Allied forces as part of 
 Operation Overlord. 
1944 A German submarine torpedoed the Belgian transport ship 
 S.S. Leopoldville with 2,235 soldiers aboard. About 800 
 American soldiers died. The soldiers were crossing the 
 English Channel to be reinforcements at the battle that 
 become known as the Battle of the Bulge. 
1948 The first completely solar-heated house became occupied 
 in Dover, MA. 
1951 Libya achieved independence as the United Kingdom of 
 Libya, under King Idris. 
1965 A meteorite landed on Leicestershire. It weighed 
 about 100lbs. 
1966 Luna 13 landed on the moon. 
1968 Three astronauts, James A. Lovell, William Anders and 
 Frank Borman, reached the moon. They orbited the moon 10 times 
 before coming back to Earth. Seven months later man first 
 landed on the moon. 
1979 Soviet troops invaded Afghanistan in support of the 
 country's Marxist government. 
1985 Fidel Castro, the Cuban president, announced that he 
 was now a non-smoker. 
1989 Ousted Panamanian ruler Manuel Noriega took refuge at 
 the Vatican's diplomatic mission in Panama City. 
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush pardoned former Defense 
 Secretary Caspar Weinberger and five others in the 
 Iran-Contra scandal. 
1997 Ilich Ramirez Sanchez, known as "Carlos the Jackal," 
 was sentenced by a French court to life in prison for the 
 1975 murders of two French investigators and a Lebanese. 
1998 At Disneyland in Anaheim, CA, a tourist was hit by a 
 piece of flying metal while waiting to board a ride. The 
 man's wife and a Disneyland employee were also injured. 
 Luan Phi Dawson died December 26th from his injuries. 
1999 An Indian Airlines plane was seized during a flight 
 from Katmandu, Nepal, to New Delhi. In Afghanistan, the 
 150 hostages were freed on December 31 after India 
 released three Kashmir militants from prison. 
2000 The "Texas 7," seven convicts that had escaped a Texas 
 prison, robbed a sports store in Irving, TX. The suspects 
 killed Officer Aubrey Hawkins, stole $70,000, 25 weapons 
 and clothing. The men had escaped on December 13.
2014  smiled.


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Microslop characters 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, December 23

The Swedish Christmas Goat is still standing!
Check the Webcam

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida man arrested after killing a cop
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1942 Bob Hope agreed to entertain U.S. airmen in Alaska. 
 It was the first of the traditional Christmas shows. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! --- Tom Lehrer (1928 - ) The greatest thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are moving. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe ______________________________________________________ In a cafeteria : "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria." (hand-written underneath) "Boots can eat anywhere they want." ______________________________________________________ A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand - to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad." The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up. "You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked. "Exactly," replied the instructor. To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me and get me a coffee while you are up anyway." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ reported by Don An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Marco Antonio Parilla Jr., 23 Tarpon Springs Florida Fugitive Kills Florida Cop A fugitive trying to evade an arrest warrant shot a Tampa-area police officer and then ran him over early Sunday, killing the officer, police said. Marco Antonio Parilla Jr., 23, crashed his car into a pole and another vehicle after running over Tarpon Springs officer Charles Kondek. Parilla was arrested on suspicion of first- degree murder. The shooting did not appear to have any connection to the ambush killings of two New York police officers a day earlier. Authorities said Kondek responded to a noise call around 2 a.m. at an apartment complex. Parilla was pounding on doors, looking for a neighbor who had "dimed him out" to police, authorities said. When Parilla saw Kondek, he fired multiple rounds at the officer, striking him once above his bullet-proof vest. "We know we have the right guy in custody," Pinellas County Sheriff Bob Gualtieri said. "This guy knew what he was doing, he killed a cop and he needs to be held accountable for that." According to the Florida Department of Corrections, Parilla served more than two years in prison for several offenses, including drug charges, and was released in March. He was listed as a fugitive for violating his probation. It wasn't immediately clear what the violation was. The sheriff said Parilla told investigators that when he saw the officer he "felt like a caged rat" and didn't want to return to prison. "I apologize to the family" of the officer, Parilla told media outlets while being escorted to jail. "That was not my intention." Kondek, 45, had been with the local force for 17 years. Originally from New York, Kondek previously served on the New York City Police Department for more than five years, authorities said. Kondek was the father of six children. Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Microslop in emails Dear Webby A good morning to you and hope for a Great Christmas for you. One "little" problem I have with my Eudora. Some of the mail I get is cluttered with ?? and not the quotation marks that should have been there, Ex: The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?” Is there a setting that will change this? Thanks in advance for you help. Jim Dear Jim That is Microslop When people use Microsoft WORD and have it set to use left and right leaning quotes to show they are some kind of secret pervert, then those non-ASCII characters show up as random weirdo symbols called Microslop in emails. Those non-ASCII characters are for printing only, not for email or web pages. There is a setting in WORD to change that, so that it does not use non-ASCII symbols. But they have to click that setting. It's the one about using "Smart Quotes". Nothing you can do on the recipient side. Just realize that the sender is some kind of secret weirdo, or clueless, and go on with life. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Beach Towel To Protect Pillow Hubby has oily skin and, being bald, he has no hair that absorbs at least some of the oil on his scalp. Changing the bed pillow case every day wasn't a big deal but I really didn't like the soiled pillows that became dirty and smelly. I bought several used beach towels at the Thrift Store and made them into pillow cases that I put over the pillow to protect it before slipping on the pretty top pillow case. I still change the top pillow case every day; the underneath towel pillow case is washed once a week and the pillow itself remains clean. I suppose this would work well too for those that have "sleeping sweat head". By Mina2184 [15] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ A Sunday School teacher asked her class, "Does anyone know what we mean by sins of omission?" A small girl replied, "Aren't those the sins we should have committed, but didn't?" ______________________________________________________ While a friend and I were visiting Annapolis, we noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand. "What are they doing?" I asked our tour guide. "Each year," he replied with a grin, "The upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard." "So what's the answer?" my friend asked him when we were out of earshot of the freshmen. The guide replied, "One."


Icycles

Today in 
1788 Maryland voted to cede a 100-square-mile area for the 
 seat of the national government. About two-thirds of the area 
 became the District of Columbia. 
1823 The poem "A Visit from St. Nicholas" by Clement C. Moore 
 (" 'Twas the night before Christmas...") was published. 
1834 English architect Joseph Hansom patented his 'safety cab', 
 better known as the Hansom cab. 
1856 Ralph Collier was issued a U.S. patent for the first 
 rotary egg beater with rotating parts. 
1880 Thomas Edison incorporated the Edison Electric Light 
 Company of Europe. 
1888 Following a quarrel with Paul Gauguin, Dutch painter 
 Vincent Van Gogh cut off part of his own earlobe. 
1893 The Engelbert Humperdinck opera "Hansel und Gretel" 
 was first performed, in Weimar, Germany. 
1919 The first ship designed to be used as an ambulance for 
 the transport patients was launched. The hospital ship was 
 named USS Relief and had 515 beds. 
1941 During World War II, American forces on Wake Island 
 surrendered to the Japanese. 
1942 Bob Hope agreed to entertain U.S. airmen in Alaska. 
 It was the first of the traditional Christmas shows. 
1947 John Bardeen, Walter H. Brattain and William Shockley 
 invented the transistor. 
1948 Former Japanese premier Hideki Tojo and six other 
 Japanese war leaders were executed in Tokyo. They had been 
 found guilty of crimes against humanity. 
1953 Soviet secret police chief Lavrenti Beria and six of 
 his associates were shot for treason following a secret trial. 
1954 The Walt Disney movie "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" 
1965 A 70-mph speed limit was introduced in Britain. 
1968 Eighty-two crewmembers of the U.S. intelligence ship 
 Pueblo were released by North Korea, 11 months after they 
 had been captured. 
1981 NASA approved a plan to continue the Voyager II spacecraft 
 on a trajectory that would take it within 66,000 miles of 
 Uranus on July 24, 1986. 
1986 The experimental airplane Voyager, piloted by Dick Rutan 
 and Jeana Yeager, completed the first non-stop, around-the-
 world flight without refueling as it landed safely at Edwards 
 Air Force Base in California. 
1987 Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme, serving a life sentence for 
 the attempted assassination of U.S. President Ford in 1975, 
 escaped from the Alderson Federal Prison for Women in West 
 Virginia. She was recaptured two days later. 
1989 Ousted Romanian President Nicolae Ceausescu and his wife, 
 Elena, were captured as they were attempting to flee their 
 country. 
1990 Elections in Yugoslavia ended, leaving four of its six 
 republics with non-Communist governments. 
1995 A fire in Dabwali, India, killed 540 people, including 
 170 children, during a year-end party being held near the 
 children's school. 
1995 The bodies of 16 members of the Solar Temple religious 
 sect were found in a clearing near Grenoble, France. 14 were 
 presumed shot by two people who then committed suicide. 
1997 Terry Nichols was convicted by a Denver jury on charges 
 of conspiracy and involuntary manslaughter in the 1995 
 federal building bombing in Oklahoma City. The bomb killed 
 168 people. 
1998 Guerrillas in south Lebanon fired dozens of rockets at 
 northern Israel.
2014  smiled.


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Sony Attack 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, December 22

Thank you, Roy!

A fiend sent me this recipe:
Baked French Toast, one pan instead of standing at the stove 
flipping bread while everybody else eats.
http://myfridgefood.com/recipes/breakfa ... nch-toast/

I don't think I am supposed to eat that, but it sure is 
tempting!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida man arrested after he says 
he lied about being shot 
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1895 German physicist Wilhelm Röntgen made the first X-ray, 
 of his wife's hand.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law? --- Dick Clark ______________________________________________________ A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt very ignorant about all the new technology. A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials. "Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing," she said. "So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning machine." ______________________________________________________ In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged Caumeneur." The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular, wine, but was used to the infusion of French words into the local vocabulary. "Could you please spell that?" she asked. "You know," said the woman impatiently, "C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e". ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Canadian SOS ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ reported by Don An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Weldon, 46 Ocala Florida Man arrested after he says he lied about being shot A man who showed up at a restaurant claiming he had been shot and that he apparently had killed the shooter was arrested by Ocala police on Friday for filing a false report. While 46-year-old Michael Weldon, who has an extensive criminal history, was being taken to the Marion County Jail by Officer Sean Young, he told the official he was just trying to have some fun and thought “he would get a sandwich from Applebee’s for his story.” His story was anything but funny to police, who had dispatched at least a dozen officers and Ocala Fire Rescue personnel to various areas investigating Weldon’s allegation that he had been shot. A waitress at the popular fast food chain told officers Weldon was standing in the patio section leaning against a table holding his side. Appearing to be in pain, the employee saw what appeared to be blood by Weldon’s feet. Asked if he was fine, Weldon told the woman he had been shot and showed her what looked like a bullet hole in his jacket. He then asked for some water and the employee told her manager, who called police. The manager said that when she talked with Weldon, he told her he was shot and was holding his right side. Weldon said he was tussling with another man in the woods near Sears and had to kill the man. He wouldn’t say why he killed the man or why he was shot. Officers, who arrived at the location and were quizzing Weldon, examined him and discovered he was not shot. He didn’t want to tell officers what happened, other than to say that “I took care of it, I don’t want to tell anybody,” according to the report. As he was being transported to Sears, he told an officer that he was “just having fun,” and told people at the bar that he was joking. Officers recovered betadine in Weldon’s pocket, which he allegedly used to make the appearance of blood. Officers searched the woods, which was clear, and checking his jacket, they found the hole was actually a burn from a cigarette. Court documents show Weldon has multiple convictions dating back to 2005 for offenses including battery, retail theft and disorderly conduct. Weldon was convicted of burglary of a structure and released just two months ago. Tech Support Pits From: Smurf Re: Attack on Sony Dear Webby I read that "US rejects North Korea offer to investigate Sony hack", and stands firm in it's allegations. Which seem to be routine blustering and bullshit. Hasn't it been established that the hack was caused with a worm, that might have been snuck into the Sony network by a discgruntled employee, or some dimwit, who wanted some utility, that came with a nasty payload? Smurf Dear Smurf Yes, you are right, as usual. North Korea probably got involved with gleefully spreading what the hackers dug out, AFTER the hackers had posted their harvest on the net. The worm, that let the hackers in and allowed them to export all kinds of sensitive data was most likely made in the USA or Russia, and is apparently in use by many hackers to snoop and break in wherever they can. It is not new and is a well documented worm and method. The better Anti-malware programs like McAfee and Malwarebytes protect you against it, but if some bozo gets impatient when Malwarebytes slows down a computer while it does a scan, and shuts it off, then that is like riding a motorcycle with the helmet hanging on the handdlebar. Kinda stooopid. However, we don't even know whether Sony DID have decent malware protection, or just a snooty IT department, that figured their own stuff was good enough. Fact is, that SMB worm let one or two hackers quietly sneak in and export tons of stuff without their IT department noticing it. It was NOT a big Denial-Of-Service attack by North Korea renting a Russian Botnet for $50,000 and battering down Sony's defenses. If that had been the case, the Sony IT department would have noticed it immediately, instead of reading in the news about stuff, that had been exported and published. Sure, North Korea was miffed about that movie, and it would be typical for them to take any credit for ANYTHING happening to Sony, but it is very unlikely, that they paid a hacker to go after Sony. They would be too paranoid about the hacker doing the same thing to them. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Add a Hershey's Kiss to Coffee Ugh! Trying to lose weight during the holidays? When you get that chocolate urge, put a Hershey's Kiss in the bottom of your coffee cup! Pour coffee over the Kiss and you will have great tasting coffee with VERY little calories! A Peppermint Kiss is great for the holidays! Source: Weight Watchers meeting 20 years ago! By Irishwitch [390] You can get generic Kisses, both Milk Chocolate and Dark Chocolate at the Bulk Barn for about $1.50 a pound. No fancy packaging, you just scoop them into a plastic bag. They are also the best source for spices. Their Smoked Sweet Paprika is top quality and incredibly cheap. They have, of course, also regular and hot paprika. Alltogether they have over 4000 different products. If you are in driving distance of a Bulk Barn, check them out! Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ Two priests were talking together and the older one said to the younger, "You know, when you came into church with all your new ideas, I had questions about how you were going to fit in and how well your ideas were going to work." "When you wanted to put bucket seats down in the front two rows of seats, I had my doubts. But now, at every mass, the seats are filled up with young people, so I have to agree that it was a good idea." "Then, when you wanted to jazz up the choir and we started singing newer, peppier songs, I was afraid it would offend the parishioners. Now, we have a lot of new, younger choir members, and the music seems to pick up the services a lot more than the old music. So, once again I have to agree that you were right! "But when you wanted to put in the drive-through confessional, I have to admit I thought you'd lost it. But now, at least, there are more people coming to confession than ever. I think you've come up with another good idea." "However, the neon sign out front that says, 'Toot 'n tell or go to hell', has got to go! ______________________________________________________ A teenaged boy with spiked hair, nose ring, and baggy clothes says to his friend, "I don't really like to dress like this, but it keeps my parents from making me go with them to visit Aunt Helen."


Candelabras

Today in 
1775 A Continental naval fleet was organized in the rebellious 
 American colonies under the command of Ezek Hopkins. 
1807 The U.S. Congress passed the Embargo Act, designed to 
 force peace between Britain and France by cutting off all 
 trade with Europe. 
1895 German physicist Wilhelm Röntgen made the first X-ray, 
 of his wife's hand. 
1910 U.S. Postal savings stamps were issued for the first 
 time. They were discontinued in 1914. 
1941 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill arrived in 
 Washington for a wartime conference with U.S. President 
 Franklin Roosevelt. 
1956 The last British and French forces evacuated Egypt. 
1961 James Davis became the first U.S. soldier to die in 
 Vietnam, while U.S. involvement was still limited to the 
 provision of military advisers. 
1989 Romania's hard-line Communist ruler, Nicolae Ceausescu, 
 was overthrown in a popular uprising. 
1991 The body of Lt. Col. William R. Higgins, an American 
 hostage murdered by his captors, was found along a highway 
 in Lebanon. 
1998 A unit of RJR Nabsico pled guilty to attempting to smuggle 
 cigarettes into Canada. 
2014  smiled.


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Sony Invasion 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, December 21

The web cam for the Gävle Goat in Sweden is at
http://www.visitgavle.se/sv/gavlebocken

The 43 foot tall goat has been burned down 25 times
in the past. This year it looks like they thoroughly
plastered it with snow and ice, and like it might survive.


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida Duo's Phony Heart Attack 
Scheme Foiled

Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1945 U.S. Gen. George S. Patton died in Heidelberg, Germany, 
 of injuries from a car accident. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Autobiography is an unrivaled vehicle for telling the truth about other people. --- Philip Guedalla (1889 - 1944) ______________________________________________________ Our college just completed a new three-story building. While walking down a hall on the second floor, I overheard two students say, "I really like the skylights on the third floor." "Me too," remarked the second student. "I don't know why they didn't just put some on the second floor too." ______________________________________________________ My violin teacher was teaching a large group class. She showed them her violin and said, "This violin was made in the early 1800s." Someone in the class raised their hand and asked, "Did they make it specially for you?" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tarus Scott, 30, and Genard Dupree, 27 Lake Wales Florida Duo's Phony Heart Attack Scheme Foiled A Florida thief last week faked a heart attack inside a Walmart so that a male accomplice could walk out of the store with a shopping cart stuffed with toys, including a motorized Barbie Power Wheel, police report. While the diversion proved initially successful, the pair was arrested yesterday on grand theft charges when they were linked to the crime via surveillance footage. According to a Polk County Sheriff’s Office report, Tarus Scott, 30, and Genard Dupree, 27, entered the Lake Wales Walmart together and filled a cart with $369.94 in merchandise. As seen on the below store surveillance video, the men separated after the cart was loaded. As Scott moved toward the exit with the merchandise, Dupree dropped to the floor and clutched his chest. With Dupree doing his best Fred Sanford imitation, Scott walked past his sidekick. The fake heart attack, cops noted, “appeared to be done in an attempt to create a distraction long enough for Scott to exit the store, past all points of sale, without paying for the merchandise in the cart." Dupree’s heart trouble lasted 44 seconds before he was able to get to his feet and amble out of Walmart. He met up with Scott in the parking lot and the pair drove away in an SUV. A subsequent police review of surveillance footage resulted in the identification of Dupree and Scott. Dupree is currently on felony probation for theft, while Scott is an ex-con who was released from prison last year after serving about a decade for armed robbery. Pictured in the above mug shots, Dupree (left) and Scott are being held in the Polk County jail for felony grand theft. Tech Support Pits From: Otto Re: Server Message Block Dear Webby Surely there must have been more than just routine sloppiness that let the North Koreans into the Sony network! Sony is a pretty big and smart company! I realize the US Government won't do anything about it except for some lame rethoric from the White House, but what can we really do to avoid getting hacked by North Korea? Otto Dear Otto Sony did not get knocked over by a traditional Denial-Of-Service attack by a rented Russian Botnet. They are big enough and have enough talent on staff, that they probably could have fought that. Considering that they are a mostly Windows network, they would have eventually gotten knocked over, but that was not the case. They would have most definitely noticed a DOS attack, while it was in progress. We host some Human Rights servers for the East Block, and we get attacked quite frequently by Russian botnets of 50,000 or more machines. Attacks like that are about as sneaky and subtle as a forest fire. No way to ignore those! Sony did not realize that they had been hacked, until their files and emails appeared on the Internet. It was not till a month later, that they found out that they had been cleaned out with an SMB worm, that had gotten in through sloppiness, or possibly via a bought insider, who downloaded a nifty tool bar or gadget without considering the consequences. All I can do is repeat what I had written yesterday: If you use McAfee and Malwarebytes, and use common sense when it comes to downloading utilities and games, then you will be quite safe. If they don't get in, they can't hurt you. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Giftwrap Use colored masking tape instead of ribbon to wrap gifts. Colored Tape Instead of Ribbons By lnygaard [93] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ Thanks to Arnie for this story: I had an offer from a large company and they offered to fly me out to the meeting on business class. During the return flight we were given gourmet brownies and cookies. Not hungry, I decided to save them for later, so I placed them in a vomit bag. After the plane landed I got up to leave and a stewardess approached me. She asked, "Sir, would you like for me to dispose of that for you?" I said, "No thanks, I'm saving it for my kids." ______________________________________________________ A stewardess approached a gentleman who was voicing his complains rather loudly. "Yes, Sir?" "I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can't see the in-flight movie, and there are no window blinds, so I can't sleep." "Captain, shut up and pretend to be busy. "


Candelabras

Today in 
1620 The "Mayflower", and its passengers, pilgrims from England, 
 landed at Plymouth Rock, MA. 
1898 Scientists Pierre and Marie Curie discovered the 
 radioactive element radium. 
1913 Arthur Wynne published a new "word-cross" puzzle in the 
 "New York World" in England. The name was later changed to 
 "crossword." 
1925 Eisenstein's film "Battleship Potemkin" was first 
 shown in Moscow. 
1937 Walt Disney debuted the first, full-length, animated 
 feature in Hollywood, CA. The movie was "Snow White and the 
 Seven Dwarfs." 
1944 Horse racing was banned in the United States until 
 after the end of World War II. 
1945 U.S. Gen. George S. Patton died in Heidelberg, Germany, 
 of injuries from a car accident. 
1948 The state of Eire (formerly the Irish Free State) 
 declared its independence. 
1958 Charles de Gaulle was elected to a seven-year term as 
 the first president of the Fifth Republic of France. 
1968 Apollo 8 was launched on a mission to orbit the moon. 
 The craft landed safely in the Pacific Ocean on December 27. 
1971 The U.N. Security Council chose Kurt Waldheim to succeed 
 U Thant as secretary-general. 
1978 Police in Des Plaines, IL, arrested John W. Gacy Jr. 
 and began unearthing the remains of 33 men and boys that Gacy 
 was later convicted of killing. 
1988 270 people were killed when Pan Am Boeing 747 exploded 
 over Lockerbie, Scotland, due to a terrorist attack. 
1991 Eleven of the 12 former Soviet republics proclaimed the 
 birth of the Commonwealth of Independent States. 
1995 The city of Bethlehem passed from Israeli to Palestinian 
 control. 
1998 A Chinese court sentenced two dissidents to long prison 
 terms for attempting to organize an opposition party. A third 
 man was sentenced to 12 years in prison on December 22, 1998. 
1998 The first vaccine for Lyme disease was approved. 
2001 The Islamic militant group Hamas released a statement that 
 said it was suspending suicide bombings and mortar attacks in Israel. 
2002 Larry Mayes was released after spending 21 years in prison 
 for a rape that he maintained that he never committed. He was 
 the 100th person in the U.S. to be released after DNA tests 
 were performed. 
2014  smiled.


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Cyberalert 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Sturday, December 20

Thank you, Jan!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Pennsylvania Jerk, who groped drive-thru worker at McDonald's
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1820 The state of Missouri enacted legislation to tax 
 bachelors between the ages of 21-50 for being unmarried. 
 The tax was $1 a year. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Most of the change we think we see in life is due to truths being in and out of favor. --- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) ______________________________________________________ A Sunday School teacher is telling her class the story of Jonah and the whale. The childrenís eyes get bigger and bigger as she tells them that Jonah was swallowed by the whale and sat in its stomach for three days and three nights before God answered his prayer and the whale expelled Jonah onto dry land. When she finishes the story the teacher asks, "Now children, what does this story teach us?" There's a long pause. Finally, a six-year-old boy exclaims: "You can't keep a good man down!" ______________________________________________________ A ThirdAger is getting his annual physical when the doctor notices several dark, ugly bruises on the man's shins. "Do you play hockey, soccer or another physical sport?" the doctor asks. "No," says the man. "I play bridge with my wife." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Jenkins 23 Upper Darby Pennsylvania Jerk groped drive-thru worker at McDonald's A Pennsylvania man was charged yesterday with an assortment of crimes after he allegedly reached into a McDonald’s drive-thru window and fondled a female employee working the night shift. According to a probable cause affidavit, Michael Jenkins, 23, and another man walked up early Thursday morning to the eatery in Upper Darby, a Philadelphia suburb. Jenkins, seen at right, reportedly flirted with the 31-year- old McDonald’s employee, and offered to pick her up later that day for a date. The worker, police reported, ignored Jenkins. Before departing the window, Jenkins reached in and grabbed the woman’s breast, cops say. After the victim shut the window, she spoke with a McDonald’s manager who then called 911. Jenkins went from the fast food restauarant to a nearby bar, where he was arrested by cops. Jenkins was charged with indecent assault, public drunkenness, harassment, and disorderly conduct. He was later freed on an unsecured $30,000 bond. When Jenkins was confronted by an officer, he admitted to being at the McDonald’s, according to the affidavit. “Yea I am a ladies man,” Jenkins told the cop. “That girl over there wants me,” he added, referring to the McDonald’s employee. Tech Support Pits From: Robert Re: Cyberalert Dear Webby The National Cyber Awareness System has sent out an alert about a Server Message Block (SMB) Worm Tool, partrs ofr which had apparently been used to hack Sony. The whole report is way too technical for me, but I gather that it affects Windows Servers and Windows machines, and that the details are at https://www.us-cert.gov/ncas/tips/ST13-003 Can you tran slate their recommendations so that I can understand them? Thanks Robert Dear Robert If you use McAfee and Malwarebytes, and use common sense when it comes to downloading utilities and games, then you will be quite safe. Sony apparently used a Windows network instead of Linux or UNIX, and once that Worm Tool was inside, they lost control without even noticing it. That does not mean all Windows networks are automatically vulnerable. Keep in mind, your little home network is not going to be targeted by North Korea, and the only way your home network will get compromised, is if you or a family member downloads some stuff, that includes a free bonus tool bar or similar trojan horse. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Decorating: I really like to create decorations using mostly natural items that I find in our rural community all year. It fits so well with our old home. They are beautiful, natural and free and recyclable! By Dee [175] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ A soldier was asked to report to headquarters for assignment. The sergeant said: "We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you a little test. Type this," he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine. The soldier, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible. The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance. "That's fine," he said. "Report for work at 8 tomorrow." "But aren't you going to check the test?" the prospective clerk asked. The sergeant grinned. "You passed the test," he replied, "when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine." ______________________________________________________ A painter, whitewashing the inner walls of a country outhouse, had the misfortune to fall through the opening and land in the muck at the bottom. He shouted, "Fire! Fire! Fire!" at the top of his lungs. The local fire department responded with alacrity, sirens roaring as they approached the privy. "Where's the fire?" called the chief. "No fire," replied the painter as they pulled him out of the hole. "But if I had yelled, '****! ****! ****!', who would have rescued me?"


The Redneck Book of Manners

Today in 
1606 The "Susan Constant," "Godspeed" and "Discovery" set 
 sail from London. Their landing at Jamestown, VA, was the 
 start of the first permanent English settlement in America. 
1699 Peter the Great ordered that the Russian New Year be 
 changed from September 1 to January 1. 
1790 The first successful cotton mill in the United States 
 began operating at Pawtucket, RI. 
1803 The United States Senate ratified a treaty that included 
 the Louisiana Territories from France for $15 million. 
 The transfer was completed with formal ceremonies in 
 New Orleans. 
1820 The state of Missouri enacted legislation to tax 
 bachelors between the ages of 21-50 for being unmarried. 
 The tax was $1 a year. 
1879 Thomas A. Edison privately demonstrated his incandescent 
 light at Menlo Park, NJ. 
1880 New York's Broadway became known as the "Great White Way" 
 when it was lighted by electricity. 
1892 Alexander T. Brown and George Stillman patented the 
 pneumatic tire. 
1928 Mail delivery by dog sled began in Lewiston, ME. 
1938 Vladimir Kosma Zworykin patented the iconoscope 
 television system. 
1946 In Indochina (Vietnam), full-scale guerrilla warfare 
 between Vietnam partisans and French troops began. 
1954 Buick Motor Company signed Jackie Gleason to one of the 
 largest contracts ever entered into with an entertainer. 
 Gleason agreed to produce 78 half-hour shows over a two-year 
 period for $6,142,500. 
1963 The Berlin Wall was opened for the first time to West 
 Berliners. It was only for the holiday season. It closed 
 again on January 6, 1964. 
1973 The Spanish premier Carrero Blanco was assassinated 
 in Madrid. 
1987 More than 3,000 people were killed when the Dona Paz, 
 a Philippine passenger ship, collided with the tanker Vector 
 off Mindoro island, setting off a double explosion. 
1989 General Noriega, Panama's former dictator, was overthrown 
 by a United States invasion force invited by the new civilian 
 government. The project was known as Operation Just Cause. 
1995 An American Airlines Boeing 757 en route to Cali, Colombia, 
 crashed into a mountain, killing all but four of the 163 people 
 aboard. 
1999 The Vermont Supreme Court ruled that homosexual couples 
 were entitled to the same benefits and protections as wedded 
 couples of the opposite sex. 
1999 Sovereignty over the colony of Macao was transferred from 
 Portugal to China. 
2001 The U.S. Congress passed a $20 billion package to finance 
 the war against terrorism taking place in Afghanistan. 
2001 Argentina's President Fernando De la Rua resigned after 
 two years in power. 
2001 The first British peacekeepers arrived in Afghanistan to 
 help the nation heal after decades of war.
2014  smiled.


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Finding files without Search failing 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, December 19
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida mother dressing son as a girl and 
posting a picture on Facebook
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1998 U.S. President Bill Clinton was impeached on two charges 
 of perjury and obstruction of justice by the U.S. House 
 of Representatives.  
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The average man, who does not know what to do with his life, wants another one which will last forever. --- Anatole France (1844 - 1924) Correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't the fine line between sanity and madness gotten finer? --- George Price ______________________________________________________ During an award ceremony the wife of Spain's ambassador to Washington asked former Sen. George Mitchell if he could make his speech a bit longer, since the ambassador had still not arrived from the airport. Mitchell replied: "I spent years in the U.S. Senate, Madam. I can speak on any subject for any length of time -- especially on a subject about which I have no particular knowledge." ______________________________________________________ Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the data entry tech called the farmer directly. "Is it true, Mr. Smith that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked. "Yeth," lisped the farmer. Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Geminid Fireball over Mount Balang Image Credit: Alvin Wu While viewing the Geminids meteor shower a few days ago, a bright fireball was captured over Mt. Balang, China with particularly picturesque surroundings. In the foreground, a sea of light clouds slowly floated between dark mountain peaks. In the background, the constellation of Orion shone brightly, with the familiar three stars of Orion's belt visible near the image top right. Sirius, the brightest star in the night sky, is visible near the image center. The bright fireball flashed for only a fraction of second on the lower right. The source of the fireball was a pebble that intersected the protective atmosphere of Earth, originally expelled by the Sun-orbiting asteroid-like object 3200 Phaethon. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christle Prado 34 Keith Driscoll 26 Winter Garden Florida Abusive mother-of-three arrested for forcing her mentally-ill son, 10, to dress up as a girl and put make up on because he wet the bed A Florida mom and her roommate are facing child cruelty charges after forcing her 10-year-old son to dress up like a girl and then posting pictures of the humiliation on Facebook. Authorities learned about the incident after a relative of Christle Prado saw the photos online and noticed the young boy was visibly upset about being punished. Prado claims Driscoll, who also happens to be her landlord, came up with the idea as a way to punish the child for bad behavior, and trying to blame him for what she did, she claims she went along with it for fear of compromising her living situation. According to Kristi Gray, a representative from the Department of Children and Families, “It was clear to me and anyone else who saw these pictures that this boy was clearly distraught and fearful about what was happening to him…It becomes mental injury when the child is traumatized during the event and after the event,” said Gray. When officials went to visit Prado’s residence, they found the boy raking leaves in the yard, and when prompted about it, still emotional from the ordeal. Prado and Discoll are being charged with cruelty toward children, which is a second-degree felony, and infliction of mental injury on a child. The boy and his two siblings are now in the care of his grandmother, who had reported the incident, and who says that the boy has a known mental illness and that the abuse has gone on for far too long. She has tried to gain custody and funding for some time. Prado reportedly told an investigator that she was frustrated that her son had been wetting himself and went to Driscoll for advice. Driscoll had the idea for dressing her son up as a girl. Prado says the boy was dressed as a girl for only two minutes. Police learned about the incident after grandmother claims she saw Facebook photos of the boy wearing the dress and crying. Tech Support Pits From: Dwayne Re: Find files Dear Webby When I try to find a file using ther Windows SEARCH, it acts as stupid as if it was a screen saver and craps out as soon as a fly shakes my desk. Is there a way around that? Dwayne Dear Dwayne Yes, there is! As soon as you have finished typing the name of the file you are searching for, or part of it, you see a tiny magnifying glass and the text "See more results" just above where you typed. Hit that! That will open a File Explorer with all the search results, and it won't "crap out" as you so eloquently put it. You can even sort those search results. Depending on the size of your hard drives, it might take some time to finish searching. Just give it time. You can do other work and don't have to worry about it collapsing and giving up like the ordinary Search. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Unexpected Company Keep some practical spare gifts on the side just in case you need one for an unexpected guest! I have a few generic 'go to' gifts; several jars of local jelly, jam, maple syrup or honey with a simple square of fabric tied to the top of each jar looks good. Or a bar or two of beautifully hand decorated soap or even bottles of wine. If you don't use them for guests, you could still use them after the holidays! By Dee [175] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ Little Nancy wailed over her doll, crushed by car tires when her mother had backed over it. Finally, her mother had heard enough, "Don't come crying to me. I told you not to leave it on the porch!" ______________________________________________________ An hysterical mother phones the family's pediatrician with an emergency. "Doctor," she says, "I was writing a letter when my two-year-old came along, grabbed my fancy fountain pen and swallowed it. What should I do?" "Don't panic, I'll be right over," says the doctor. "In the meantime, what are you doing?" he asks. "I'm using a pencil."


The Redneck Book of Manners

Today in 
1154 Henry II became King of England. 
1562 The Battle of Dreux was fought between the Huguenots 
 and the Catholics, beginning the French Wars of Religion. 
1732 Benjamin Franklin began publishing "Poor Richard's Almanac." 
1776 Thomas Paine published his first "American Crisis" essay. 
1777 General George Washington led his army of about 11,000 
 men to Valley Forge, PA, to camp for the winter. 
1842 Hawaii's independence was recognized by the U.S. 
1843 Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" was first published 
 in England. 
1871 Corrugated paper was patented by Albert L. Jones. 
1887 Jake Kilrain and Jim Smith fought in a bare knuckles 
 fight which lasted 106 rounds and 2 hours and 30 minutes. 
 The fight was ruled a draw and was halted due to darkness. 
1903 The Williamsburg Bridge opened in New York City. It 
 opened as the largest suspension bridge on Earth and 
 remained the largest until 1924. It was also the first 
 major suspension bridge to use steel towers to support 
 the main cable. 
1907 A coalmine explosion in Jacobs Creek, PA, killed 
 239 workers. 
1957 Air service between London and Moscow was inaugurated. 
1972 Apollo 17 splashed down in the Pacific, ending the Apollo 
 program of manned lunar landings. 
1984 Britain and China signed an accord returning Hong Kong 
 to Chinese sovereignty on July 1, 1997. 
1989 U.S. troops invaded Panama to overthrow the regime of 
 General Noriega. 
1996 The school board of Oakland, CA, voted to recognize 
 Black English, also known as "ebonics." The board later 
 reversed its stance. 
1998 U.S. President Bill Clinton was impeached on two charges 
 of perjury and obstruction of justice by the U.S. House 
 of Representatives. 
2000 The U.N. Security Council voted to impose sanctions on 
 Afghanistan's Taliban rulers unless they closed all 
 terrorist training camps and surrender U.S. embassy 
 bombing suspect Osama bin Laden. 
2003 Images for the new design for the Freedom Tower at 
 the World Trade Center site were released. The building 
 slopes into a spire that reaches 1,776 feet. 
2008 U.S. President George W. Bush signed a $17.4 billion 
 rescue package of loans for ailing auto makers General 
 Motors and Chrysler.
2014  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, December 18

Thank you,  Patricia!!
Thank you Barbara

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Oregon woman is charged after a fatal 
accident in which the victim stayed on top of the car 
for 11 blocks
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1970 Divorce became legal in Italy.  
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Some think it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go. --- Sylvia Robinson ______________________________________________________ Sunday School Bloopers: Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah. Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father. The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. Moses died before he ever reached the UK. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, has 300 wives and 700 porcupines. When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus- in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an emaculate contraption. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. ______________________________________________________ Mrs. Morris Siegel beckoned to a salesman in Bergdorf Goodman's, pointed to white wool designer dress on a mannequin, and said, "Hey Sonny boy, so how much the dress on that store dummy over there is?" "That dress is $899.95, Madam," sneered the rather snooty salesman. "Oy! For $99.95 I could get the same dress at Klein's Bargain Store downtown!" "But Madam," said the salesman, "You'll find that the dress at Klein's is recycled wool. This original is 100% pure virgin wool." "Nu! So for $800 I should be caring what the sheep at night do?" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Kakabeak (Clianthus) ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Isabel Gloria McDaniel 30, Veneta, Oregon Oregon woman is charged after a fatal accident in which the victim stayed on top of the car for 11 blocks Springfield police have arrested a suspect in a fatal hit-and-run accident in which a motorist allegedly continued to drive while the victim was still on top of the car. Police said they arrested Isabel Gloria McDaniel, 30, of Veneta, at about 9 p.m. Saturday and charged her with a felony count of hit and run, as well as tampering with physical evidence. She was booked into the Lane County Jail. McDaniel’s husband, Gary Louis McDaniel, 24, was cited for tampering with physical evidence and then released, police said. Police said earlier that a white Honda had sideswiped Springfield resident Julio Ortiz, 39, in the intersection of 54th and Main streets in Springfield about 6 p.m. Thursday. The car then hit his father, Daniel Ortiz-Reynaga, 67, of Mexico, flipping him onto the top of the car. The motorist drove for about 11 blocks, according to police, until the car approached 42nd Street on Smith Way, at which point Ortiz-Reynaga either fell or was removed from the car and left to die in the street. The victim was taken to Peace Health Sacred Heart Medical Center at RiverBend in Springfield by medics and pronounced dead. Julio Ortiz suffered minor injuries. Springfield police said Saturday night that, based on information from two separate sources, they located the vehicle believed to have been involved in the incident in the McDaniels’ garage on Dunham Avenue in Veneta, and arrested Isabel McDaniel without incident. Police had released a description of the vehicle earlier in the week and asked for help from the public. Members of the public responded, and “their information was instrumental in the apprehension of the suspect,” police said. Tech Support Pits From: Richard Re: Chrome history of tabs Dear Webby How do I get a history of my tabs in Chrome? Thanks Richard Dear Richard CTRL H will give you a raw history. However, I would recommend you get the "Session Buddy" extension. It gives you an easier to manage history. It is free at Session Buddy Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Gift Giving: Gift cards are great but I always like to pair them with something. A home improvement store card could be inserted in a pair of work or gardening gloves; a nursery coupon placed in a potted plant. Also consider getting a gift card at their favorite hair stylists (you know they'll appreciate it sooner or later) gas station, grocer or (my personal favorite) a bookstore, since ANY topic/hobby can be found there! There are also Entertainment books for every area and they usually offer great BOGO deals. For young families, going out is an expense they can't afford. You might even offer to babysit so they can have a date together to use their coupons. For young or old, a membership to a museum for the year gets them a free pass to interesting entertainment, or you can give tickets to concerts, screenings, favorite restaurant or a club they like (gym, fitness, yoga, spa, etc) and sites like Groupon and Living Social offer great deals for events and products! By Dee [175] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ Two contafiters way up nort in Chicargo wuz makin sum contafit money an dey accidently made sum twelve dollar bill by mistake. Dey made a whole bunch of dem before dey foun dere mistake, so insted of startin over dey decide to try to pass dem off. Dey always herd how backward people in Louisiana wuz, especially dem folks name Boudreaux frum down neer Lafayette so dey jumpin dere car an drive down to Lafayette, LA an wen dey got dere dey look in da fone book an shore enuf dey fine Boudreaux's General Store an Mercantile listed rite dere in da yeller pages. Dey went to Boudreaux's store an walk up to da man at da counter. Da firs contafiter say, "Are you Mr. Boudreaux?" Boudreaux say, "Mais shore, dat's me. Wat can Ah do fa you fellers?" Da contafiter wisper to his frien, "This is gonna be easier than I thought." Da contafiter say, "Can you give us change for a twelve dollar bill?" Boudreaux say, "Mais shore Ah can! How you want dat, tree fores, fore trees, or 2 sixes?" ______________________________________________________ The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention, so he asked one of his employees to write him a punchy, 20-minute speech. When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious. "What's the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?" he demanded to know. "Half the audience walked out before I finished." The employee was baffled. "I wrote you a 20-minute speech," he replied. "I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for."


Spite House

Today in 
1796 The "Monitor," of Baltimore, MD, was published as the 
 first Sunday newspaper. 
1862 The first orthopedic hospital was organized in New 
 York City. It was called the Hospital for Ruptured and 
 Crippled. 
1898 A new automobile speed record was set at 39 mph (63 kph). 
1903 The Panama Canal Zone was acquired 'in perpetuity' by the 
 U.S. for an annual rent. 
1912 The discovery of the Piltdown Man in East Sussex was 
 announced. It was proved to be a hoax in 1953. 
1936 Su-Lin, the first giant panda to come to the U.S. from China, 
 arrived in San Francisco, CA. The bear was sold to the Brookfield 
 Zoo for $8,750. 
1940 Adolf Hitler signed a secret directive ordering preparations 
 for a Nazi invasion of the Soviet Union. Operation "Barbarossa" 
 was launched in June 1941. 
1944 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the wartime relocation of 
 Japanese-Americans. 
1950 NATO foreign ministers approved plans to defend Western 
 Europe, including the use of nuclear weapons, if necessary. 
1953 WPTZ, in Philadelphia, PA, presented a Felso commercial, 
 it was the first color telecast seen on a local station. 
1956 Japan was admitted to the United Nations. 
1957 The Shippingport Atomic Power Station in Pennsylvania went 
 online. It was the first nuclear facility to generate electricity 
 in the United States. It was taken out of service in 1982. 
1965 Kenneth LeBel jumped 17 barrels on ice skates. 
1969 Britain's Parliament abolished the death penalty for murder. 
1970 Divorce became legal in Italy. 
1972 The United States began the heaviest bombing of North Vietnam 
 during the Vietnam War. The attack ended 12 days later. 
1973 The IRA launched its Christmas bombing campaign in London. 
1979 The sound barrier was broken on land for the first time by 
 Stanley Barrett when he drove at 739.6 mph. 
1983 Wayne Gretzky (Edmonton Oilers) scored his 100th point in 
 the 34th game of the season. 
998 Russia recalled its U.S. ambassador in protest of the U.S. 
 attacks on Iraq. 
1998 South Carolina proceeded with the U.S.' 500th execution 
 since capital punishment was restored. 
1999 After living atop an ancient redwood in Humboldt County, 
 CA, for two years, environmental activist Julia "Butterfly" 
 Hill came down, ending her anti-logging protest. 
2001 A fire damaged New York City's St. John Cathedral. The 
 cathedral is the largest in the United States. 
2009 General Motors announced that it would shut down its Saab brand. 
2009 A Paris court ruled that Google was breaking French law 
 with its policy of digitizing books and fined the company a 
 $14,300-a-day fine until it rids its search engine of the 
 literary extracts. 
2014  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, December 17

Thank you,  Svend!

We had beautiful, thick frost this morning and all day.
Very festive looking!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
a Florida mother, who assaulted and kidnapped an 11 year old
kid for calling her daughter a name
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1957 The United States successfully test-fired the Atlas 
 intercontinental ballistic missile for the first time. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it. --- Flannery O'Connor (1925 - 1964) ______________________________________________________ The personnel manager was impressing the applicant with the prospective job. "We make parts for microscopes. You'll be required to work with lenses that are a thousandths of an inch thick." "I can handle it," the applicant said, "I used to slice meat in a delicatessen. I can slice ham so thin, it is kosher. ______________________________________________________ When my 3-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Mom smiled and then replied, "Oh, I remember." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Snake Gourd (Trichosanthes cucumerina) ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sandra Rivera, 28, Orlando Florida 11-year-old choked, kidnapped by woman at school A Florida mom is facing criminal charges after allegedly trying to kill an 11-year-old boy who teased her daughter. Sandra Rivera, 28, overheard the student call her 9-year-old daughter a curse word on Thursday afternoon outside of their school in Orlando, WKMG reports. Rivera allegedly responded by grabbing the boy and choking him, forcing him into her vehicle, according to WFTV. Orlando police arrested a woman accused of attacking a boy at his elementary school, threatening to kill him and kidnapping him. The incident happened Thursday after school at Eccleston Elementary near Bruton Boulevard in Orlando. Local 6 spoke to the 11-year-old boy and his mother, Ana Baez. According to the arrest affidavit, Orlando police say 28-year-old Sandra Rivera went to the school waiting to confront the fifth-grader because she said he called her 9-year-old a curse word. Baez says she saw video of the incident that was captured on the school's security cameras. "When I saw the video, I said no mercy, she's going to jail," Baez said. The 11-year-old says he was on his bike at the school when Rivera came up and threw him off. "She slammed me into the wall and then she came behind me and started choking me and hitting me on the head," the boy said. Police say Rivera then threw his bike in her van and forced him to get inside. "She told me 'tell me the instructions to your house or I'll kill you,'" he said. The fifth-grader says Rivera drove him home and then admitted to Baez what she had done. "Even if my son called your daughter a name, you come and you tell me," Baez said. "You don't go and grab the child and try and kill him. You're an adult." Baez called the school to see what had happened and school officials told her they were notifying police and the Department of Children and Families. Rivera was charged with battery and kidnapping, and bonded out of the Orange County Jail on Friday. No one answered the door when Local 6 stopped by. Baez says her son is doing fine physically, but the emotional trauma has taken its toll. She says he's having trouble eating and sleeping. "I'm actually scared she might come back for me, for calling the police," said the fifth-grader. For now, Baez says, her son will be getting rides to and from school. Tech Support Pits From: Richard Re: Chrome history of tabs Dear Webby How do I get a history of my tabs in Chrome? Thanks Richard Dear Richard CTRL H will give you a raw history. However, I would recommend you get the "Session Buddy" extension. It gives you an easier to manage history. It is free at Session Buddy Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Gift Wrapping Save and use maps, patterns, sheet music, comic strips or even wallpaper or fabric to wrap your gifts. We use brown kraft paper and draw or stamp holiday designs, paw prints or babies hand prints on to it to personalize it. Some folks add a copy of a photo as their name tags (which is cute especially so kids can hand out gifts). You may decorate a simple wrap with pine or holly sprigs or pine cones and tie it up with rustic twine, yarn or inexpensive white and red string for a natural looking gift wrapping. Remember to shred used wrapping paper for stuffing boxes or baskets. So pretty! If mailing a gift you may use newspaper shredded if needed rather than buying packing peanuts in some cases! By Dee [175] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ A Manager of a retail clothing store is reviewing a potential employee's application and notices that the man has never worked in retail before. He says to the man, "For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high wage." "Well Sir," the applicant replies, "the work is so much harder when you don't know what you're doing!" ______________________________________________________ RULES OF THE OFFICE ** If it rings, put it on hold; ** If it clanks, call the repairman; ** If it whistles, ignore it; ** If it's a friend, take a break; ** If it's the boss, look busy; ** If it talks, take notes; ** If it's handwritten, type it; ** If it's typed, copy it; ** If it's copied, email and file it; ** If it's Friday, forget it!


Bora Bora

Today in 
1777 To annoy England, France recognized American independence. 
1791 A traffic regulation in New York City established the first 
 street to go "One Way." 
1830 South American patriot Simon Bolivar died in Colombia. 
1895 George L. Brownell received a patent for his paper-twine
 machine. 
1903 The first successful gasoline-powered airplane flight 
 took place near Kitty Hawk, NC. Orville and Wilbur Wright 
 made the flight. 
1939 The German pocket battleship Graf Spee was scuttled 
 by its crew, bringing the World War II Battle of the 
 Rio de la Plata off Uruguay to an end. 
1944 The U.S. Army announced the end of its policy of 
 excluding Japanese-Americans from the West Coast which 
 ensured that Japanese-Americans were released from 
 detention camps. 
1953 The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) decided 
 to approve RCA’s color television specifications. 
1957 The United States successfully test-fired the Atlas 
 intercontinental ballistic missile for the first time. 
1969 The U.S. Air Force closed its Project "Blue Book" by 
 concluding that there was no evidence of extraterrestrial 
 spaceships behind thousands of UFO sightings. 
1973 Thirty-one people were killed at Rome airport when 
 Arab guerillas hijacked a German airliner. 
1975 Lynette Fromme was sentenced to life in prison for her 
 attempt on the life of U.S. President Ford. 
1976 WTCG-TV, Atlanta, GA, changed its call letters to WTBS, 
 and was uplinked via satellite. The station became the first 
 commercial TV station to cover the entire U.S. 
1978 OPEC decided to raise oil prices by 14.5% by the end 
 of 1979. 
1979 Arthur McDuffie, a black insurance executive, was fatally 
 beaten after a police chase in Miami, FL. Four white police 
 officers were later acquitted of charges stemming from 
 McDuffie's death. 
1986 Wayne "Danke Schoen" Newton won a $19.2 million suit 
 against NBC News. NBC had aired reports claiming a link 
 between Newton and mob figures. The reports were proven 
 to be false. 
1986 Davina Thompson became the world's first recipient 
 of a heart, lungs, and liver transplant. 
1986 Eugene Hasefus was pardoned and then released by Nicaragua. 
 He had been convicted of running guns to the Contras. 
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush, Canadian Prime Minister 
 Brian Mulroney and Mexican President Carlos Salinas de Gortari 
 signed the North American Free Trade Agreement. 
1992 Israel deported over 400 Palestinians to Lebanese territory 
 in an unprecedented mass expulsion of suspected militants. 
1996 Peruvian guerrillas took hundreds of people hostage at the 
 Japanese embassy in Lima. The siege ended on April 22, 1997, 
 with a commando raid that resulted in the deaths of all the 
 rebels, two commandos and one hostage. 
1997 U.S. President Clinton signed the No Electronic Theft Act. 
 The act removed protection from individuals who claimed that they 
 took no direct financial gains from stealing copyrighted works 
 and downloading them from the Internet. 
2002 U.S. President George W. Bush ordered the Pentagon to have 
 ready for use within two years a system for protecting American 
 territory, troops and allies from ballistic missile attacks. 
2002 McDonald's Corp. warned that they would report its first 
 quarterly loss in its 47-year history. 
2002 Congo's government, opposition parties and rebels signed 
 a peace agreement that ended four years of civil war. 
2014  smiled.


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Restore lost tabs in Chrome 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, December 16

Some of the things you can do in Canada

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
Texan mother, who stashed body of daughter in fridge
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1850 The first immigrant ship, the Charlotte Jane, arrived 
 at Lyttleton, New Zealand. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
Most advances in science come when a person for one reason or another is forced to change fields. --- Peter Borden Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for the greatest fool may ask more than the wisest man can answer. --- Charles Caleb Colton (1780 - 1832) ______________________________________________________ Larry goes to see his travel agent. "Hey Larry, going away on holiday again?" "Yes, but I need to ask for something different." "Go ahead ask me." "You know last year you suggested Hawaii and when I returned my wife was pregnant." "Yes, but. . ." "And the year before you suggested Bermuda and when I returned my wife was pregnant." "Yes, but. . ." "And the year before that I went to Bali and when I returned my wife was pregnant." "Yes." "Well! Could you suggest something cheaper this year so that I can bring her with me?" ______________________________________________________ Heard on Southwest Airlines, just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault . . . it was the asphalt!" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Candy Cane Sorrel (Oxalis versicolor) ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Amber Keyes, 35 Houston TX Charged After Daughter's Body Found In Fridge A Houston mother has been charged with neglect after her 9-year-old daughter's body was discovered stuffed inside a refrigerator. Amber Keyes is being held Wednesday on a charge of injury to a child-serious bodily injury. The 35-year-old Keyes hasn't been charged with killing her daughter, Ayahna Comb, but Houston police say the neglect charge is linked to her death. Ayahna weighed 14 pounds (9 year old!) when some children looking for food found her body in Keyes' refrigerator. An autopsy determined Ayahna, who had cerebral palsy, died of malnutrition and dehydration. Keyes says she found Ayahna unresponsive but couldn't revive her, so she wrapped the girl in a blanket and stashed her in the fridge. Bond is set at $50,000. Tech Support Pits From: Jon Re: Recover lost Chrome tabs Dear Webby When my computer did that rude reboot, after it restarted it opened Chrome trying to update Adobe, or finish the aborted update, that had been kaiboshed by the bad Windows update on the 10th. And all my open tabs were gone! How do I get them back? Jon Dear Jon Have not heard from you in many years! Hope you are well! Hit CTRL T and they pop up again. You might have to hit CTRL T more than once to get all of them back. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
Being a teenager and getting a tattoo seem to go hand in hand these days. I wasn't surprised when one of my daughter's friends showed me a delicate little Japanese symbol on her hip. "Please don't tell my parents," she begged. "I won't" I promised. "By the way, what does that stand for?" "Honesty," she said.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy Egg Salad for Sandwiches Next time you are cooking scrambled eggs, cook a double quantity and leave half to cool. These can then be mashed with your preferred mayonnaise and freshly ground black pepper to taste. It saves all the palaver of shelling boiled eggs, and is easier to mix into the bargain. I normally scramble my eggs with salted butter - if you prefer to use only skimmed milk, you may wish to add salt. If I am not planning to use the sandwich filling immediately, I will usually store in the fridge for up to three days, covered with cling film. By Verity Pink [18] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ >From Kim We purchased an old home in Northern New York State from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house's lack of insulation. "If they could live here all those years, so can we!" my husband confidently declared. One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we woke up to find interior walls covered with frost. My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm. After a rather brief conversation, he hung up. "For the past 30 years," he muttered, "they've gone to Florida for the winter." ______________________________________________________ On a Continental Flight with sme very "senior" flight attendants crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."


Ornate Dragons

Today in 
1653 Oliver Cromwell became lord protector of England, 
 Scotland and Ireland. 
1773 Nearly 350 chests of tea were dumped into Boston Harbor 
 off of British ships by Colonial patriots. The patriots 
 were disguised as Indians. The act was to protest taxation 
 without representation and the monopoly the government 
 granted to the East India Company. 
1809 Napoleon Bonaparte was divorced from the Empress 
 Josephine by an act of the French Senate. 
1835 In New York, 530 buildings were destroyed by fire. 
1838 The Zulu chief Dingaan was defeated by a small force 
 of Boers at Blood River celebrated in South Africa as 
 'Dingaan's Day'. 
1850 The first immigrant ship, the Charlotte Jane, arrived 
 at Lyttleton, New Zealand. 
1916 Gregory Rasputin, the monk who had wielded powerful 
 influence over the Russian court, was murdered by a group 
 of noblemen. 
1940 French Premier Petain arrested Pierre Laval after 
 learning of a plan for Laval to seize power and set up 
 a new government with German support. 
1944 During World War II, the Battle of the Bulge began 
 in Belgium. It was the final major German 
 counteroffensive in the war. 
1950 U.S. President Truman proclaimed a national state of 
 emergency in order to fight "Communist imperialism." 
1960 A United Air Lines DC-8 and a TWA Super Constellation 
 collided over New York City, killing 134 people. 
1973 O.J. Simpson broke Jim Brown’s single-season rushing 
 record in the NFL. Brown had rushed for 1,863 yards, while 
 Simpson attained 2,003 yards.
1985 Reputed organized-crime chief Paul Castellano was shot 
 to death outside a New York City restaurant. 
1990 Jean-Bertrand Aristide, a leftist priest, was elected 
 president in Haiti's first democratic elections. 
1996 Britain's agriculture minister announced the slaughter 
 of an additional 100,000 cows thought to be at risk of 
 contracting BSE in an effort to persuade the EU to lift 
 its ban on Britain. 
1998 The U.S. and Britain fired hundreds of missiles on Iraq 
 in response to Saddam Hussein's refusal to comply with 
 U.N. weapons inspectors. 
1998 Eric Michelman filed the earliest patent for a scroll 
 wheel for a computer mouse. 
1999 Torrential rains and mudslides in Venezuela left 
 thousands of people dead and forced at least 120,000 to 
 leave their homes. 
2000 Researchers announced that information from NASA's 
 Galileo spacecraft indicated that Ganymede appeared to 
 have a liquid saltwater ocean beneath a surface of solid 
 ice. Ganymede, a moon of Jupiter, is the solar system's 
 largest moon. The discovery is considered important 
 since water is a key ingredient for life. 
2000 U.S. President-elect George W. Bush selected Colin 
 Powell to be the first African-American secretary of state. 
 Powell was sworn in January 20, 2001. 
2001 In Tora Bora, Afghanistan, tribal fighters announced 
 that they had taken the last al-Quaida positions. More than 
 200 fighters were killed and 25 captured. They also 
 nnounced that they had found no sign of Osama bin Laden. 
2001 Cuba received the first commercial food shipment from 
 the United States in nearly 40 years. The shipment was sent 
 to help Cuba after Hurrican Michelle hit Cuba on November 
 4, 2001. 
2001 A British newspaper, The Observer, reported that a 
 notebook had been found at an al-Quaida training camp in 
 southern Afghanistan. The notebook contained a "blue print"
 for a bomb attack on London's financial district. 
2002 Canada ratified the Kyoto Protocol. The 1997 treaty 
 was aimed a reducing greenhouse gas emissions. 
2009 Astronomers discovered GJ1214b. It was the first-known 
 exoplanet on which water could exist.
2014  smiled.


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How to fix the bad Windows Update 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, December 15

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
NY teacher, who left her 3 kids alone while she went drinking.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1939 "Gone With the Wind," produced by David O. Selznick 
 based on the novel by Margaret Mitchell, premiered at Loew's 
 Grand Theater in Atlanta. The movie starred Vivien Leigh 
 and Clark Gable. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
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A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling. --- Arthur Brisbane A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand. --- Bertrand Russell ______________________________________________________ >From Dr Bill similar tale of minister doing funeral for the town reprobate; AFTER the usual liturgcal stuff he said "can;t say much about old Zeke except he did half of what Jesus did. The congregation was a littltle shaken to hear that and after internment a deacon was delegated to ask about it, after all, most foks would be overwhelmemed if they did a tenth of one percent. The minister replied, "it's only logical -- Jesus went about doing good -- old Zeke just went about!" ______________________________________________________ >From Elsienore DearWebby, I need that joke of the little brat hiding. The clean one, not the one where he is blackmailing. E Hi Elsinore Here it is: The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?" Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, Is your Daddy home? "Yes", whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No." Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes", came the answer. "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "no." Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child. "Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman. Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" "No, he's busy", whispered the child. "Busy doing what? asked the boss. "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?" "A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice. What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed. In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper." Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there? Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "They're looking for me." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Chinese Lantern (Physalis alkekengi) ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Laura Aguero-Dupla, 35, Brooklyn NY Teacher left kids home all night to go drinking and get tattoo A middle school teacher in Brooklyn is being accused of endangering her three children by leaving them home all night while she went out drinking and to get a tattoo. Laura Aguero-Dupla, 35, allegedly went out Wednesday night with her husband, Alfredo Bobe, 41, and left her children, ages 4, 5 and 12 by themselves until early the next morning. While out on the town, Aguero-Dupla got a tattoo at a Lower East Side parlor and then went to a bar for "Whiskey Wednesday" event, the New York Post reports. At some point during their date night, Aguero-Dupla and Bobe got into a fight, and he stormed off back home around 2 a.m. Thursday morning. However, he didn't have his keys, so he punched out a glass panel on the front door. The shattering glass woke up neighbors who called 911, the York Daily News reports. Police arrived to find Aguero pacing outside the building while Bobe was inside the apartment. The couple was arrested after police learned the kids had been left home alone for hours, according to WPIX-TV. Aguero-Dupla was charged with three counts of endangering the welfare of a child, while Bobe was charged with acting in a manner injurious to a child. In addition, Aguero-Dupla has been removed from her classroom at Middle School 88 in Sunset Park. This isn't the first time the couple has been in trouble with the law. Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: How to uninstall the bad Windows Update? Dear Webby I too run Windows 7 and I feel that the referenced update was 'automatically' installed. How do I confirm? I've checked for 'current updates' and none are listed. I suspect it is installed since I'm having difficulties with Ancestry.com. But when I use Chrome, Ancestry works fine. Is there a way to 'un-install' the troublesome update? Then what and where do I check to ensure I don't have any additional updates automatically installed? Which box should I check mark going forward. Keep it simple for us amateurs. Merry Christmas Frank Dear Frank Chrome seems to be using a hard coded Flash player instead of the Java Run Time Unit, that Microsoft sabotaged, and is therefore immune against this particular Taliban sabotage. If you noticed anything abnormal with Windows Defender Flash Player FireFox Decompressing files Get an 8004ff91 error Problems installing updates to anything, then the Taliban has hit you. However, apparently the people in Redmond, Washington, have been told about it, and have frowned upon the evildoers, and a patch to fix the botched patch has been issued from the Throne. They claim the new update is OK. You can download and install the new KB3024777 update. It will uninstall the previous, faulty update and fix all the problems listed above. If you don't quite trust them and just want to get rid of the bad update, you can also perform a manual uninstall by navigating to Control Panel > Programs > Programs and Features > View Installed Updates, and then right-clicking on KB3004394 and selecting Uninstall. You can get the fix from http://www.microsoft.com/en-us/download/details.aspx?id=45305 To turn off automatic updates, open Windows Update by clicking the Start button In the search box, type Update, and then, in the list of results, click Windows Update. In the left pane, click Change settings. Turn them all off. If you have other programs. like for example McAfee, tracking updates, you have to turn them off there too. However, those are usually quite civilized and always give you the option to select and deselct individual updates. Before and especially after running the 777 fix, save everything every few minutes. Expect a rude, catastrophic reboot without any chance to say NO or to save even one file. Just BOOM. Blue BIOS screen, and gone. It won't happen immediately, might not be for a couple of hours. It's no big deal, you probably should do your monthly reboot anyway. It WOULD be a big deal, though, if you have a work in progress and not saved! After that catastrophic reboot suddenly the sabotaged updates, for example for Java or Adobe Flash, will start up on their own and proceed as if nothing bad had ever happened. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man and woman are having marriage problems, and decide to end their union after a very short time together. After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple goes to court to finalize their break-up. The judge asks the husband, "What has brought you to the point that you are now at, where you are not able to keep this marriage together?" The husband says, "In the six weeks we've been together, we haven't been able to agree on one thing." The wife yelled, "Six and a half weeks, you idiot!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Christmas Cards To save time year after year, save all Christmas cards received and start an electronic database on your computer. Then print out all address labels and use pinking shears or decorative scissors to cut the labels out into charming shapes to place on your Christmas card envelopes from now on! Makes it so much easier! Consider inviting friends over to 'CARD POOL' and address cards together with some wine and cheese and music for a good time to get in the holiday spirit. By Dee ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ The US has succeeded in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. Military leaders are assembled in front of the new machine and instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: Attack or Retreat? The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer: YES. The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer: YES WHAT? Instantly the computer responded: YES SIR. ______________________________________________________ An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal. "Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a friend. "Your chances are better," said the friend, "if you tell her you're 90 and have a bad heart."


Ornate Dragons

Today in 
1654 A meteorological office established in Tuscany began 
 recording daily temperature readings. Al Gore ignored those, 
 because they are mere facts.
1840 Napoleon Bonaparte's remains were interred in 
 Les Invalides in Paris, having been brought from St. Helena, 
 where he died in exile. 
1854 In Philadelphia, the first street cleaning machine was 
 put into use. 
1877 Thomas Edison patented the phonograph. 
1890 American Sioux Indian Chief Sitting Bull and 11 other 
 tribe members were killed in Grand River, SD, during an 
 incident with Indian police working for the U.S. government. 
1939 "Gone With the Wind," produced by David O. Selznick 
 based on the novel by Margaret Mitchell, premiered at Loew's 
 Grand Theater in Atlanta. The movie starred Vivien Leigh 
 and Clark Gable. 
1944 A single-engine plane carrying U.S. Army Major Glenn 
 Miller disappeared in thick fog over the English Channel 
 while en route to Paris. 
1944 American forces invaded Mindoro Island in the Philippines. 
1944 Dr. R. Townley Paton and a small group of doctors laid 
 the groundwork for the Eye-Bank for Sight Restoration. 
1961 Former Nazi official Adolf Eichmann was sentenced to death 
 in Jerusalem by an Israeli court. He had been tried on charges 
 for organizing the deportation of Jews to concentration camps. 
1961 The U.N. General Assembly voted against a Soviet proposal 
 to admit Communist China as a member. 
1964 Canada's House of Commons approved a newly designed flag 
 thereby dropping the Canadian "Red Ensign" flag. 
1965 Two U.S. manned spacecraft, Gemini 6 and Gemini 7, 
 maneuvered within 10 feet of each other while in orbit around the Earth. 
1966 Walter Elias "Walt" Disney died in Los Angeles at the age of 65. 
1970 The Soviet probe Venera 7 became the first spacecraft to 
 land softly on the surface of Venus. The probe only survived 
 the extreme heat and pressure for about 23 minutes and transmitted 
 the first data received on Earth from the surface of another planet. 
1973 J. Paul Getty III was found in southern Italy after being held 
 captive for five months, during which his right ear was cut off 
 and sent to a newspaper in Rome. 
1978 U.S. President Carter announced he would grant diplomatic 
 recognition to Communist China on New Year's Day and sever 
 official relations with Taiwan. 
1979 The former shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, left the 
 United States for Panama. He had gone to the U.S. for medical 
 treatment on October 22, 1979. 
1979 In a preliminary ruling, the International Court of Justice 
 ordered Iran to release all hostages that had been taken at 
 the U.S. embassy in Tehran on November 4, 1979. 
1982 Gibraltar's frontier with Spain was opened to pedestrian 
 use after 13 years. 
1983 The last 80 U.S. combat soldiers in Grenada withdrew. It was 
 just over seven weeks after the U.S.-led invasion of the 
 Caribbean island. 
1992 IBM announced it would eliminate 25-thousand employees 
 in the coming year. 
1992 El Salvador's government and leftist guerrilla leaders 
 formally declared the end of the country's 12-year civil war. 
1995 The U.N. Security Council authorized NATO to take over the 
 peacekeeping operations in Bosnia. 
1995 French rail workers voted to end a three-week-old strike. 
1996 Boeing Co. announced plans to pay $13.3 billion to acquire 
 rival aircraft manufacturer McDonnell Douglas Corp. 
1999 Syria reopened peace talks with Israel in Washington, DC, 
 with the mediation of U.S. President Clinton. 
2000 The Chernobyl atomic power plant in Kiev, Ukraine, was shut down. 
2000 New York Senator-elect Hillary Rodham Clinton agreed to accept an 
 $8 million book deal with Simon & Schuster. The book was to be about 
 her eight years in the White House. The advance was the highest ever 
 to be paid to a member of the U.S. Congress. 
2001 It was announced that Siena Heights University would begin offering 
 a class called "Animated Philosophy and Religion." The two-credit class 
 would cover how religion and philosophy are part of popular culture and 
 is based on the television series "The Simpsons."
2014  smiled.


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Which Windows update is bad? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, December 14

If you haven't been out late last night to watch the 
Geminid meteor shower, you got another chance tonight.
Give yourself ten minutes for your eyes to adjust, 
and then enjoy the show. They are coming in at about 
100 per hour. No special equipment needed, just a 
warm coat and a thermos cup full of coffee.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
a Florida man who assaulted woman who 
suggested anger management class
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1903 Orville Wright made the first attempt at powered flight. 
 The engine stalled during take-off and the plane was damaged 
 in the attempt. Three days later, after repairs were made, 
 the modern aviation age was born when the plane stayed aloft 
 for 12 seconds and flew 102 feet. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
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Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ Minister at a funeral service, "Friends, let us say goodbye to our beloved, departed friend. Let us remember that here lies only the shell--the nut has gone!" ______________________________________________________ >From Nat When we put our house up for sale, I stressed emphatically that my sons make their beds each morning. I left for work before they left for school, and I wanted to be sure that the house looked presentable when the agent showed it to prospective buyers. I was surprised and impressed that my 15-year-old son's bed was perfectly made each day. One night when I went into his room, I discovered his secret. He was fast asleep on the floor in his sleeping bag. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to George Robert Pineda 44 Ocala Florida Pineda Assaulted Woman Who Suggested Anger Management Class OCALA, Fla. (AP) — Police in central Florida say a man faces domestic battery charges after assaulting a woman during a discussion about anger management classes. The incident happened Tuesday night in a motel room in Ocala. The Ocala Star-Banner reports the 53-year-old woman and 44-year-old George Robert Pineda were discussing their futures while consuming alcohol. According to police, the woman mentioned that Pineda should take anger management classes. She told police he then started screaming profanities at her, grabbed her neck and choked her. She says she eventually pushed him away and when he fell asleep, she ran out and called police. Police say she had scratch marks on her neck. Pineda denied touching the woman and was taken to jail. Court records show he has several convictions, including aggravated battery. Tech Support Pits From: Jaxs Re: Which Windows Update is bad? Dear Webby Thanks for a GREAT SITE!! I run Windows 7, I have gotten an update with my auto update, it installed ok but really messed upped my computer. I can no longer make folders just briefcases, all my desk icons went to 800/600 pix. I did a restore everything went back to normal until it updated again. can you find out which update is causing this? Thanks jaxs Dear Jaxs Update KB3004394 is the bad one. Restore to before that, and turn Automatic updating off. One of the evil things it does is ignore what you have check-marked for updating. For example, if you deliberately took the checkmark off Skype, because you don't want the pufter version, it will put it on anyway. Until further notice, avoid all Microsoft updates. Apparently one group was sabotaging the victims and adding stuff, that nobody wanted, another group was trying to reduce the sabotage so as not to interfere with the Christmas time advertising revenue, and a third group pushed out the update, before the other two groups were finished with their evil deeds. What is really complicating things is that not everybody got hit with the same sabotage. Apparently a bunch of different stages of sabotage went out, each requiring a different fix. The result crippled Windows and won't allow normal decompression. Most updates of just about anything, not just Windows, arrive in compressed format, are uncompressed on your machine and then installed. That means ALL updates and fixes will have to be shipped in long format. That is not really a big problem if you have 25 Mbps DSL or cable, but will cause major hassles if you have 14 Kbps dial-up. Right now, for example, if you use FireFox, it's Java part got sabotaged, and you can not decompress an update. Eventually the good people at Java will make a long version available. Until then, you will just have to switch to Chrome if you want to listen to AccuRadio or watch movies. If you haven't gotten hit with Microsoft's KB3004394 Christmas gift, turn off automatic updates, and don't update ANYTHING until further notice. Microsofts 2014 Christmas gift is a definite dud. Feel free to tell them! Have FUN! DearWebby Have FUN! DearWebby
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A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Look for Early Editions of Encyclopaedia Britannica Hi, for everyone asking questions as to the value of Encyclopaedia Britannica sets, the basic guideline is that the 1st up until the 8th Editions have great collector values, defined by condition. The 9th and 10th Editions are so numerous that they are of small value; up to maybe $3-500 in good condition. Anything after the 11th, 12th, 13th (1910-1928) is basically worthless. By mrmima [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ "What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the cop handed him a speeding ticket. "Keep it," the cop said, "when you collect four of them you get to buy a bicycle." ______________________________________________________ The young lady walked over to the hospital room where she knew her friend was. "May I see Irving, please?" she asked the woman blocking the door. "We don't allow anyone but relatives to see the patients," replied the woman. "Are you a member of the family?" "Why-er-why, yes. I'm his sister," said the lady. "Oh, I'm so glad to meet you," said the woman. "I'm his mother!


Christmas Lanterns:

Today in 
1503 Physician, astrologer and clairvoyant Nostradamus was 
 born at St. Remy, Provence, France. 
1798 David Wilkinson of Rhode Island patented the nut and 
 bolt machine. 
1900 Professor Max Planck of Berlin University revealed his 
 revolutionary Quantum Theory. 
1903 Orville Wright made the first attempt at powered flight. 
 The engine stalled during take-off and the plane was damaged 
 in the attempt. Three days later, after repairs were made, 
 the modern aviation age was born when the plane stayed aloft 
 for 12 seconds and flew 102 feet. 
1911 Norwegian explorer Roald Amundsen became the first man 
 to reach the South Pole. He reached the destination 35 days 
 ahead of Captain Robert F. Scott. 
1939 The Soviet Union was dropped from the League of Nations. 
1959 Archbishop Makarios was elected Cyprus' first president. 
1962 The U.S. space probe Mariner II approached Venus. It 
 transmitted information about the planet's atmosphere and 
 surface temperature. 
1975 Six South Moluccan terrorists surrendered to police 
 after holding 23 people hostage for 12 days on a train 
 near the Dutch town of Beilen. 
1981 Israel annexed the Golan Heights, seized from Syria 
 in war in 1967. 
1983 The U.S. battleship New Jersey fired on Syrian 
 positions in Lebanon for the first time after American 
 F-14 reconnaissance flights were fired on. 
1986 The experimental aircraft Voyager, piloted by Dick 
 Rutan and Jeana Yeager, took off from California on the 
 first non-stop, non-refueled flight around the world. 
 The trip took nine days to complete. 
1987 Chrysler pled no contest to federal charges of selling 
 several thousand vehicles as new when Chrysler employees 
 had driven the vehicles with the odometer disconnected. 
1988 The first transatlantic underwater fiber-optic cable 
 went into service. 
1993 A judge in Colorado struck down the state's voter-approved 
 Amendment Two prohibiting gay rights laws, calling it 
 unconstitutional. 
1995 AIDS patient Jeff Getty received the first-ever bone-marrow 
 transplant from a baboon. 
1997 Iran's newest president, Mohammad Khatami, called for a 
 dialogue with the people of the United States. The preceding 
 Iranian leaders had reviled the U.S. as "The Great Satan." 
1997 Cuban President Fidel Castro declared Christmas 1997 an 
 official holiday to ensure the success of Pope John Paul II's 
 upcoming visit to Cuba. 
1999 U.S. and German negotiators agreed to establish a $5.2 
 billion fund for Nazi-era slave and forced laborers. 
1999 Charles M. Schulz announced he was retiring the "Peanuts" 
 comic strip. The last original "Peanuts" comic strip was 
 published on February 13, 2000. 
2000 It was announced that American businessman Edmond Pope 
 would be released from a Russian prison for humanitarian 
 reasons. Pope had been sentenced to 20 years in prison after 
 his conviction on espionage charges. 
2001 European Union leaders agreed to dispatch 3,000-4,000 
 troops to join an international peacekeeping force in 
 Afghanistan. 
2001 The first commercial export, since 1963, of U.S. food to 
 Cuba began. The 24,000 metric tons for corn were being sent 
 to replenish what was lost when Hurricane Michelle struck 
 on November 4. 
2013 The Chinese spacecraft Chang'e 3 became the first spacecraft 
 to "soft"-land on the Moon since 1976. It was only the third 
 robotic rover to land on the moon. 
2014  smiled.


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Bad Microsoft Update 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, December 13

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
Three Grinches Nabbed For 
Stealing Items From "Toys For Needy 
Children" Donation Box
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1577 Five ships under the command of Sir Francis Drake left 
 Plymouth, England, to embark on Drake's circumnavigation of 
 the globe. The journey took almost three years. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
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It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. --- Judith Martin, ______________________________________________________ >From Robert I'm a counselor who helps coordinate support groups for visually impaired adults. Many participants have a condition known as macular degeneration, which makes it difficult for them to distinguish facial features. I had just been assigned to a new group and was introducing myself. Knowing that many in the group would not be able to see me well, I jokingly said, "For those of you who can't see me, I've been told that I look like a cross between Paul Newman and Robert Redford." Immediately, one woman called out, "We're not THAT blind!" ______________________________________________________ A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "when did you bag him?" The host said, "that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife and her mother." "What's he stuffed with?" asked the visiting hunter. "My mother-in-law" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Deandra Cooke, 18; Lacinda Granado-Overton, 25; and Tarica Wright, 26 Aledo, Illinois Three Grinches Nabbed For Stealing Items From "Toys For Needy Children" Donation Box A trio of women is facing theft charges for allegedly swiping items from a “Toys for Needy Children” donation box outside a Walmart in Illinois. According to cops in Aledo, the women stole the toys last night from a box that was placed in front of the retailer by a local Jaycees organization. The group distributes the collected toys to several hundred children in Mercer County, which is just south of the Quad Cities area. Police arrested Deandra Cooke, 18; Lacinda Granado-Overton, 25; and Tarica Wright, 26, in connection with the toy thefts. They were each hit with a felony theft charge and booked into county jail. All three defendants have previously been arrested for theft, according to court records. Pictured above, Cooke (left), Granado-Overton (center), and Wright (right) remain in the Mercer County lockup, where bond has not been set, according to a jail official. Tech Support Pits From: Eddie Re: Windows 7 users urged to uninstall broken update that wreaks havoc on software Dear Webby Is the currebt Microsoft update really bad? Eddie Dear Eddie Yes, it is. Skip it. Windows 7 users may have automatically updated themselves into a pickle with a recent patch from Microsoft. Microsoft has confirmed that the KB3004394 update it issued on December 10 can cause various problems. What's worse is that it may also prevent users from installing newer updates. The problems are reportedly limited to Windows 7 machines, and don't affect users running Windows XP. Although Microsoft didn't specify all the problems users have been experiencing, AMD's Robert Hallock said the update can prevent the system from installing new graphics drivers —which is particularly troublesome as AMD's feature-stuffed new Catalyst Omega drivers launched the same day the borked Windows update rolled out. According to Infoworld, users on Microsoft's support forums have pointed out a litany of other issues, including failure to launch Windows Defender, problems with running VirtualBox and strange errors from User Account Control. If you have not done the December 10 update, skip it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A guy took a girl out on her first date. When they pulled off into a secluded area around midnight, the girl said, "My mother told me to say no to everything." "Well," he said, "do you mind if I put my arm around you?" "Uhhh . . . no," the girl replied. "Do you mind if I put my other hand on your leg?" "N-n-no," the girl stammered. "You know," Barry said, "We're going to have a lot of fun if you're on the level about this."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Inexpensive But Thoughtful Gifts Here are a few of my ideas for inexpensive but thoughtful gifts. A box of chocolates with a homemade card that says you're just too sweet for words. Give out cards with homemade coupons for neighbors, like one free night of babysitting, etc. depending on the needs of the person you're giving it to. Buy a tea towel and dish rag with a tag that says enjoy your new washer and dryer. Family theme boxes, for movie night add a movie, popcorn packages, and 2 litre of pop. You can do car wash baskets with items from dollar store like sponges, cleaning fluid, wax, etc. Use your imagination. Chocolate boxes with coffee mug, various chocolates, a book, and book mark, maybe a candle. By Tracy C. from Brockville, Ontario ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ On their cross-country road trip, a couple stopped for lunch at a roadside cafe in the southwest. They sat down at the counter and ordered coffee. While they were looking at the menu, a cowboy approached the counter, swung his long leg over the stool beside them and farted loudly. The tourist jump up and cried, "Sir, how dare you fart like that so rudely - before my wife!" The cowboy immediately jumped off the stool, bowed and tipped his stetson toward the woman. "Shucks, ma'am, I'm awfully sorry," he said. "But how was I supposed to know we was taking turns" ______________________________________________________ Two priests and a rabbi are playing poker in the park. Suddenly, a police officer approaches the trio and asks the first priest, "Father, were you gambling?" The padre glances skyward and mumbles, "Forgive me, Jesus," then turns to the officer and says, "No, my son, I was not gambling." The lawman then turns to the second priest and asks him if he was gambling. The priest looks toward Heaven and says under his breath, "Forgive me, Jesus," then tells the officer, "No, my son, I was not gambling." The policeman then turns to the rabbi and says, "Rabbi, were you gambling?" The rabbi looks from one priest to the other, then turns to the officer and asks, "With who?"


Christmas Train

Today in 
1577 Five ships under the command of Sir Francis Drake left 
 Plymouth, England, to embark on Drake's circumnavigation of 
 the globe. The journey took almost three years. 
1636 The United States National Guard was created when 
 militia regiments were organized by the General Court of 
 the Massachusetts Bay Colony. 
1642 New Zealand was discovered by Dutch navigator Abel Tasman. 
1809 The first abdominal surgical procedure was performed in 
 Danville, KY, on Jane Todd Crawford. The operation was 
 performed without an anesthetic. 
1816 John Adamson received a patent for a dry dock. 
1862 In America, an estimated 11,000 Northern soldiers were 
 killed or wounded when Union forces were defeated by Confederates 
 under General Robert E. Lee, at the Battle of Fredericksburg. 
1883 The border between Ontario and Manitoba was established. 
1884 Percy Everitt received a patent for the first coin-operated 
 weighing machine. 
1921 Britain, France, Japan and the United States signed the 
 Pacific Treaty. 
1937 Japanese forces took the Chinese city of Nanking (Nanjing). 
 An estimated 200,000 Chinese were killed over the next six weeks. 
 The event became known as the "Rape of Nanking." 
1944 During World War II, the U.S. cruiser Nashville was badly 
 damaged in a Japanese kamikaze suicide attack. 138 people were 
 killed in the attack. 
1964 In El Paso, TX, President Johnson and Mexican President 
 Gustavo Diaz Ordaz set off an explosion that diverted the 
 Rio Grande River, reshaping the U.S.-Mexican border. This 
 ended a century-old border dispute. 
1980 Three days after a disputed general election, Uganda’s 
 President Milton Obote was returned to office. 
1981 Authorities in Poland imposed martial law in an attempt 
 to crackdown on the Solidarity labor movement. Martial law 
 ended formally in 1983. 
1998 Puerto Rican voters rejected U.S. statehood in a 
 non-binding referendum. 
2000 Seven convicts, the "Texas 7," escaped from Connally 
 Unit in Kenedy, TX, southeast of San Antonio, by 
 overpowering civilian workers and prison employees. They 
 fled with stolen clothing, pickup truck and 16 guns 
 and ammunition. 
2001 The U.S. government released a video tape that showed 
 Osama bin Laden and others discussing their knowledge of 
 the terrorist attacks on the United States on September 
 11, 2001. 
2001 Israel severed all contact with Yasser Arafat. Israel 
 also launched air strikes and sent troops into Palestine 
 in response to a bus ambush that killed 10 Israelis. 
2001 Gunmen stormed the Indian Parliament and killed seven 
 people and injured 18. Security forces killed the attackers 
 during a 90-minute gunbattle. 
2001 NBC-TV announced that it would begin running hard liquor 
 commercials. NBC issued a 19-point policy that outlined the 
 conditions for accepting liquor ads. 
2014  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, December 12
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Wisconsin beer-battered man 
who blamed beer- battered fish
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
2001 In Beverly Hills, CA, actress Winona Ryder was arrested at 
 Saks Fifth Avenue for shoplifting and possessing pharmaceutical 
 drugs without a prescription. The numerous items of clothing 
 and hair accessories were valued at $4,760. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
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We always like those who admire us; we do not always like those whom we admire. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) ______________________________________________________ A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him. "Why do we have to learn this stuff?" one young man blurted out. "To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture. A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" The professor stared at the student for a long time without saying a word and then continued. "Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school." ______________________________________________________ A sergeant was passing the barracks after lights out, when he heard some voices from inside. He slammed open the door, and screamed: Listen, you guys! A few minutes ago, you all heard me say good night. What you must realize, is that when I say "Good Night," what I really mean is "SHUT TH F*** UP!!!" The room instantly fell silent. But after a few seconds, a small voice could be heard from somewhere in the far back of the dark room: "Good Night, Sergeant" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Nanarina for this picture: Click through for the big picture ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John Przybyla 75 ADAMS COUNTY, Wisconsin Beer-Battered Man Blames Beer- Battered Fish Motorist with nine DWI collars offered unique excuse to deputy DECEMBER 10--During a recent traffic stop, a Wisconsin motorist who has nine prior drunk driving convictions on his record explained that the reason a sheriff’s deputy smelled booze on his breath was because he had just eaten beer-battered fish at lunch. John Przybyla was pulled over by a cop who spotted the 75-year-old’s vehicle driving erratically. When the Adams County Sheriff’s Office deputy approached Przybyla--who was driving on a revoked license--he recognized the “smell of of an intoxicating beverage emitting from his breath.” Przybyla’s eyes were also bloodshot and glossy, according to a police report detailing the 2:30 PM traffic stop. During field sobriety tests, Przybyla “showed impairment.” Additionally, Deputy Brian Loewenhagen found an open can of Red Dog Beer on the truck’s passenger seat. When the deputy asked Przybyla (seen above) how much alcohol he had consumed, “John said he had not been drinking,” adding that he was heading home after attending a fish fry. Przybyla, Deputy Loewenhagen reported, “said he wasn’t drinking and had beer battered fish.” Przybyla, who himself appeared to be beer battered, was arrested after failing the field sobriety tests. While a Breathalyzer test recorded Przybyla’s blood alcohol content at .062--below the .08 limit--his history of DWI convictions prohibits him from driving with a BAC above .02. Along with his tenth drunk driving charge, Przybyla was booked on several other counts, including driving with a revoked license and possessing an open can of beer in a motor vehicle. Przybyla, who lives in the village of Friendship, is next scheduled for a January 21 court appearance. Tech Support Pits From: Fran Re: Is Chrome OK as the main browser? Dear Webby Is Chrome OK as the main browser? It seems to take some getting used to, but after that is pretty good. Fran Dear Fran Yes, Chrome is quite OK as the main browser, but don't get carried away un-installing FireFox! There are occasions, when you do need FireFox on the side. It is safe to UnInstall Internet Explorer, whenever they have a security issue, and forgetting to re-install it, but occasionally, about 1 % of the time, you do need FireFox. They don't clash or cause problems and co-exist nicely side by side. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Dear Ma and Pa: Am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Army beats working for old man Minch. Tell them to join up quick before all the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m.( but am getting so I like to sleep late. All you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things -- no hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. The guys have to shave, but they say it is not bad in warm water, and after I thumped a few of them, they don't tell nobody about why I don't need to shave. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, beef, ham steak, fried eggplant, pie and regular food, but you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route marches," which, the Sgt. says, are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is a casual stroll about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys all get sore feet and we ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat. The Sgt. is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Kernels. and Generals just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why, the bull's-eye is near big as a chipmonk and don't move and it ain't shooting at you, like the Higsett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it, you don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes. Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer and Mary to hurry and join before others get onto this setup and come stampeding in. Your loving daughter, Pat
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Inexpensive But Thoughtful Gifts Here are a few of my ideas for inexpensive but thoughtful gifts. A box of chocolates with a homemade card that says you're just too sweet for words. Give out cards with homemade coupons for neighbors, like one free night of babysitting, etc. depending on the needs of the person you're giving it to. Buy a tea towel and dish rag with a tag that says enjoy your new washer and dryer. Family theme boxes, for movie night add a movie, popcorn packages, and 2 litre of pop. You can do car wash baskets with items from dollar store like sponges, cleaning fluid, wax, etc. Use your imagination. Chocolate boxes with coffee mug, various chocolates, a book, and book mark, maybe a candle. By Tracy C. from Brockville, Ontario ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ Great Comeback This has got to be the all-time classic comeback. This is a recount of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who's about to sponsor a boy scout troop visiting his military installation. (Note: While this has been presented as a "true story" for several years, some people dispute that it actually happened). FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?" GENERAL REINWALD: "We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting." FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?" GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range." FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?" GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see how, ....we will be teaching them proper rifle range discipline before they ever touch a firearm." FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers." GENERAL REINWALD: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute. How much do you charge? The radio went silent and the interview ended. ______________________________________________________ THE DVD PLAYER had conked out and we weren't able to watch the movie we'd rented. Then my husband had a brilliant idea: "Why don't we use the PlayStation?" We pushed all the buttons, but couldn't get it to work, so we gave up and went upstairs. We were reading in bed when our 17-year-old son appeared in our doorway. "Someone left a dirty DVD in my PlayStation," he said. "We were trying to watch a movie on it," my husband admitted, "but we couldn't get past the parental control screen." "What a shame," our son said as he smiled and closed the door.


Original Players

Today in 
1792 In Vienna, 22-year-old Ludwig van Beethoven received 
 one of his first lessons in music composition from Franz 
 Joseph Haydn. 
1800 Washington, DC, was established as the capital of the 
 United States. 
1896 Guglielmo Marconi gave the first public demonstration 
 of radio at Toynbee Hall, London. 
1897 The comic strip"The Katzenjammer Kids" (Hans and Fritz), 
 by Rudolph Dirks, appeared in the New York Journal for the 
 first time. 
1899 George Grant patented the wooden golf tee. 
1900 Charles M. Schwab formed the United States Steel 
 Corporation. 
1901 The first radio signal to cross the Atlantic was 
 picked up near St. John's Newfoundland, by inventor 
 Guglielmo Marconi. 
1915 The first all-metal aircraft, the German Junkers 
 J1, made its first flight. 
1917 Father Edward Flanagan opened Boys Town in Nebraska. 
1925 The "Motel Inn," the first motel in the world, opened 
 in San Luis Obispo, CA. 
1937 Japanese aircraft sank the U.S. gunboat "Panay" on 
 China's Yangtze River. Japan apologized for the attack, 
 and paid $2.2 million in reparations. 
1947 The United Mine Workers union withdrew from the 
 American Federation of Labor. 
1951 The U.S. Navy Department announced that the world's 
 first nuclear powered submarine would become the sixth 
 ship to bear the name Nautilus. 
1955 It was announced that the Ford Foundation gave 
 $500,000,000 to private hospitals, colleges and medical 
 schools. 
1955 British engineer Christopher Cockerell patented the 
 first hovercraft. 
1963 Kenya gained its independence from Britain. 
1975 Sara Jane Moore pled guilty to a charge of trying to 
 kill U.S. President Ford in San Francisco the previous 
 September. 
1982 20,000 women encircled Greenham Common air base in 
 Britain in protest against proposed site of U.S. Cruise 
 missiles there. 
1983 Car bombs were set off in front of the French and U.S. 
 embassies in Kuwait City. Shiite extremists were responsible 
 for the five deaths and 86 wounded. 
1984 In a telephone conversation with U.S. President Reagan, 
 William J. Schroeder complained of a delay in his Social 
 Security benefits. Schroeder received a check the following day. 
1985 248 American soldiers and eight crewmembers were killed 
 when an Arrow Air charter crashed in Gander, Newfoundland 
 after takeoff. 
1989 Britain forcibly removed 51 Vietnamese from Hong Kong 
 and returned them to their homeland. 
1989 Leona Helmsley was fined $7 million and sentenced to 
 four years in prison for tax evasion. 
1994 The Brazilian Supreme Court acquitted former President 
 Fernando Collor de Mello of corruption charges that had 
 forced him to resign in 1992. 
1995 The U.S. Senate stopped a constitutional amendment 
 giving Congress authority to outlaw flag burning and other 
 forms of desecration against the American flag. 
1995 Two French airmen shot down over Bosnia arrived home 
 after almost four months of being held captive by the 
 Bosnian Serbs. 
1997 Ilich Ramirez Sanchez, the international terrorist 
 known as "Carlos the Jackal," went on trial in Paris on 
 charges of killing two French investigators and a 
 Lebanese national. He was convicted and sentenced to 
 life in prison. 
1997 The U.S. Justice Department ordered Microsoft to sell 
 its Internet browser separately from its Windows operating 
 system to prevent it from building a monopoly of Web 
 access programs. 
1998 The House Judiciary Committee rejected censure, and 
 approved the final article of impeachment against U.S. 
 President Clinton. The case was submitted to the full 
 House for a verdict. 
2000 The U.S. Supreme Court found that the recount ordered by 
 the Florida Supreme Court in the 2000 U.S. Presidential 
 election was unconstitutional. U.S. Vice President Al Gore 
 conceded the election to Texas Gov. George W. Bush the next day. 
2000 Timothy McVeigh, over the objections of his lawyers, 
 abandoned his final round of appeals and asked that his 
 execution be set within 120 days. McVeigh was convicted of the 
 April 1995 truck bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Fedal 
 Building in Oklahoma City, OK, that killed 168 and injured 500. 
2001 Gerardo Hernandez was sentenced to life in prison for being 
 the leader of a Cuban spy ring. His conviction was based on his 
 role in the infiltration of U.S. military bases and in the 
 deaths of four Cuban-Americans whose planes were shot down 
 five years before. 
2001 In Beverly Hills, CA, actress Winona Ryder was arrested at 
 Saks Fifth Avenue for shoplifting and possessing pharmaceutical 
 drugs without a prescription. The numerous items of clothing 
 and hair accessories were valued at $4,760. 
2002 North Korea announced that it would reactivate a nuclear 
 power plant that U.S. officials believed was being used to 
 develop weapons.
2014  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, December 11

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Oregon dope facing heroin charges, who
brought syringe to court
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1981 Muhammad Ali fought his last fight. He lost his 61st fight 
 to Trevor Berbick. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
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If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends. --- Japanese Proverb ______________________________________________________ One in twentysix Irish drivers reports to have driven while sober on one or more occasion. ______________________________________________________ Kate goes over to visit one of her friends. While she is at her friend's house it starts to rain very heavily. Her friend tells her to spend the night at her house and go home the next day. When she hears this, Kate rushes out the door and comes a while later totally drenched and carrying a small shopping bag. So her friend asks "Where did you run off too?" "I went home to get my pajamas!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Nanarina for this picture: Click through for the big picture ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Durban Marion County, Oregon Oregon dope facing heroin charges brings syringe to court A man who came to an Oregon courtroom on Monday to be arraigned on a heroin possession charge will be needled about the visit for years to come. That's because Michael Durban, 23, allegedly showed up to the Marion Count Courthouse with a syringe and a cotton ball in his pocket, KPTV.com reports. Durban was going through a security screening when deputies allegedly found hypodermic needles and a cotton ball that they think contained heroin in his pocket, according to OregonLive.com. When the authorities pointed out the drug paraphernalia, the suspect allegedly said, “I got mixed up. I thought I left it in my car,” KATU.com reports. Durban, who was supposed to be arraigned on a drug charge, was arrested on the spot and charged with unlawful possession of heroin. He was taken to the Marion County Jail and is scheduled to be arraigned on the new charge Tuesday afternoon, the Statesman Journal reports. Tech Support Pits From: Noella Re: Password Keeper Dear Webby Good morning! I know you've mentioned this several times, but I've not paid any attention because I figured I'd never need it. Where is the best place for me to store my passwords "in the cloud"? Last night my cell phone account was hacked into and one of my passwords saved my account. I have all of them written on 3 x 5 cards at home. Since I live alone, I feel pretty safe. But I suppose anything could happen. Noella Dear Noella For password keeping I have used Roboform for about 15 years. http://roboform.com Have FUN! DearWebby
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Boudreaux been fish'n down by de bayou all day an he done run outa night crawlers. He be bout reddy to leave when he seen a snake wit a big frog in his mouf. He knowed dat dem big bass fish like frogs, so he decided to steal dat froggie. Dat snake, he be a cotton moufed water moccasin so he had to be real careful or he'd get bit. He snuk up behine de snake and grabbed him roun de haid. Dat ole snake din't lak dat one bit. He squirmed and wrapped hisself roun Boudreaux's arm try'n to get hisself free. But Boudreaux, him, had a real good grip on his haid, yeh. Well, Boudreaux pried his mouf open and got de frog and puts it in his baitcan. Now, Boudreaux knows dat he cain't let go dat snake or his gonna bite him good, but he had a plan. He reach into de back pocket of his bib overhauls and pulls out a pint a moonshine likker. He pour some drops into de snakes mouf. Well, dat snake's eyeballs roll back in his haid and his body go limp. Wit dat Boudreaux toss dat snake into de bayou. Den he goes back to fishin'. A while later Boudreaux dun feel sumpin tappin' on his barefoot toe. He slowly look down and dare dat water moccasin was with two more frogs.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Candy Cane "Advent Calendar" Tree When our boys were too small to understand what an advent calendar was I still wanted a way for them to be able to count the days until Christmas. While we were decorating our tree, the boys had chosen to put candy canes on it. Then it came to me, why not put one on it for each of our two sons for each day until Christmas? When the last candy cane was left they knew the next day was Christmas. It didn't matter when we put up our tree we just counted the number of days left and adjusted. Of course those first years, the bottom of the tree was a little heavy with the candy canes compared to the top where they couldn't reach, but what did it matter? It worked great and we started a new tradition at our house. One year after they were gone from home, I had decided not to put to candy canes on the "fancy" tree. One of the boys stopped by, he told me point blank something was missing. Even with lace and bows, the candy canes were required decorations at our house, and I am so glad they remembered. Source: My sons and I, 30 years ago. By latrtatr from Loup City, NE ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you." Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes", said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot, "What's your name?" "Clarence," said the bird. "That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the rottweiller Jesus." ______________________________________________________ 1. Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or no? 2. How many birthdays does the average man have? 3. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28? 4. How many outs are there in an inning? 5. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister. 6. Take the number 30, divide it by 1/2, and then add 10. What do you get? 7. There are 3 apples and you take two away. How many apples are you left with? 8. A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half an hour. How long will the pills last? 9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are left? 10. How many animals of each sex did Moses bring with him on the ark? 11. A butcher in the market is 5' 10" tall. What does he weigh? 12. How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen? 13. What was the President's name in 1960? =================== So how do you think you did in that quiz? Here are the answers.... 1. Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or No? Yes. It comes right after the 3rd. 2. How many birthdays does the average man have? One (1). You can only be born once. 3. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28? Twelve (12). All of them have at least 28 days. 4. How many outs are there in an inning? Six (6). Don't forget there is a top and bottom to every inning. 5. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister? No. If she is a widow, he is dead. 6. Take the number 30, divide it by 1/2, and then add 10. What do you get? Seventy (70). Thirty (30) divided by 1/2 is 60. 7. There are 3 apples and you take two away. How many apples are you left with? Two (2). You take two apples...therefore, YOU have TWO apples. 8. A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half and hour. How long will the pills last? One hour. If you take the first pill at 1:00, the second at 1:30, and the third at 2:00, the pills have run out and only an hour has passed. 9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are left? Nine (9). like I said, all BUT nine die. 10. How many animals of each sex did Moses take? None. I didn't know that Moses had an ark. 11. A butcher in the market is 5' 10" tall. What does he weigh? Meat...that is self-explanatory. 12. How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen? Twelve (12). How many eggs are in a dozen? TWELVE...it's a dozen! 13. What was the President's name in 1960? George W. Bush. As far as I know, he hasn't changed his name.


Original Players

Today in 
1719 The first recorded sighting of the aurora borealis 
 took place in New England. 
1769 Edward Beran of London patented venetian blinds. 

1792 France's King Louis XVI went before the Convention, 
 which had replaced the National Assembly, to face charges 
 of treason. He was convicted and condemned and was sent 
 to the guillotine the following January. 
1844 Dr. Horace Wells became the first person to have a 
 tooth extracted after receiving an anesthetic for the dental 
 procedure. Nitrous Oxide, or laughing gas, was the anesthetic. 
1894 The world's first motor show opened in Paris with nine 
 exhibitors. 
1928 In Buenos Aires, police thwarted an attempt on the life 
 of President-elect Herbert Hoover. 
1930 The Bank of the United States in New York failed. 
1936 Britain's King Edward VIII abdicated in order to marry 
 American Wallis Warfield Simpson. He became the Duke of Windsor. 
1937 The Fascist Council in Rome, withdrew Italy from the 
 League of Nations. 
1941 Germany and Italy declared war on the United States. The 
 U.S in turn declared war on the two countries. 
1961 The first direct American military support for South Vietnam 
 occurred when a U.S. aircraft carrier carrying Army helicopters 
 arrived in Saigon. 
1967 The prototype of the Concorde was shown for the first time 
 in Toulouse, France. 
1973 West German Chancellor Willy Brandt and Czech Prime Minister 
 Lubomir Strougal formally nullified the 1938 Munich pact when 
 they signed a treaty sanctioning Hitler's seizure of 
 Czechoslovakia's Sudetenland. 
1981 Muhammad Ali fought his last fight. He lost his 61st fight 
 to Trevor Berbick. 
1985 General Electric Company agreed to buy RCA Corporation for 
 $6.3 billion. Also included in the deal was NBC Radio and Television. 
1987 Charlie Chaplin's trademark cane and bowler hat were sold at 
 Christie's for Ł82,500. 
1988 62 people were killed in a Mexico City marketplace when tons of 
 illegal fireworks exploded. 
1990 Ivana Trump was divorced from Donald Trump after 12 years of 
 marriage. 
1991 Salman Rushdie, under an Islamic death sentence for blasphemy, 
 made his first public appearance since 1989 in New York, at a 
 dinner marking the 200th anniversary of the First Amendment 
 (which guarantees freedom of speech in the U.S.). 
1994 Thousands of Russian troops, armored columns and jets entered 
 Chechnya. The move by Moscow was an effort to restore control 
 the breakaway republic. 
1994 The world's largest free trade zone was created when leaders 
 of 34 Western Hemisphere nations signed a free-trade declaration 
 known as "The Miami Process." 
1997 Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams became the first political ally 
 of the IRA to meet a British leader in 76 years. He conferred with 
 Prime Minister Tony Blair in London. 
1997 More than 150 countries agreed at a global warming conference 
 in Kyoto, Japan, to control the Earth's "greenhouse gases." 
1998 Scientists announced that they had deciphered the entire genetic 
 blueprint of a tiny worm. 
1998 The Mars Climate Orbiter blasted off on a nine-month journey to 
 the Red Planet. However, the probe disappeared in September of 1999, 
 apparently destroyed because scientists had failed to convert 
 English measures to metric values. 
1998 Majority Republicans on the House Judiciary Committee pushed 
 through three articles of impeachment against U.S. President Clinton. 
2000 Mario Lemeiux, owner of Pittsburgh Penquins, announced that he would 
 end his three-plus year retirement and become an active National Hockey 
 League (NHL) player again. When Lemieux returned officially he became 
 the first owner/player in NHL history. 
2001 Ted Turner purchased 12,000 acres in Nebraska for Bison ranches. 
2001 It was announced that U.S. President George W. Bush would withdraw the 
 U.S. from the 1972 Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty with Russia. 
2001 Federal agents seized computers in 27 U.S. cities as part of 
 "Operation Buccaneer." The raids were used to gain evidence against an 
 international software piracy ring.
2014 Pirate Bay was busted and taken down.
2014  smiled.


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Excel versus Calc 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, December 10

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Louisiana Teen Killed By Train 
After Putting Coins On Tracks and 
putting his head too close
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1953 Hugh Hefner published the first "Playboy" magazine 
 with an investment of $7,600. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
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Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it. --- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) ______________________________________________________ On a recent evening a family sat in a darkened theater waiting to see the latest hit movie. As the screen lit up with a flashy ad for the theater's concession stand, they noticed the sound was missing. The unexpected silence continued for several moments. Then out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd demanded, "Okay, who's got the remote?" ______________________________________________________ God created the mule, and told him, "You will be mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and you lack intelligence. You will live for 40 years." The mule answered, "To live like this for 40 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20." And it was so. Then God created the dog, and told him, "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 30 years." And the dog responded, "Lord, to live 30 years as a dog is too much. Please, no more than 15 years." And it was so. God then created the monkey, and told him, "You are Monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years." And the monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years." And it was so. Finally, God created Man and told him, "You are Man, the only rational being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years." And the man responded, "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 20 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected." And it was so. And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 20 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like a clown to amuse his grandchildren. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Walter the Stonecarver for this picture: Click through for the big picture early morning, Rome airport, returning from a marble buying trip. Cell phone shot from the shuttle bus. If you want a really different Christmas present, check out Walter's "Dolce Mio". Not too late for shipping! ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Brandt Torres 17 LIVONIA, La Louisiana Teen Killed By Train After Putting Coins On Tracks and putting his head too close A Louisiana teenager playing a game with friends on train tracks was killed this weekend when some equipment threw him under one of the cars. Law enforcement officials tell The Advocate that 17-year-old Brandt Torres and three friends had been placing coins on train tracks to watch them be crushed early Sunday. Torres lay on the ground inches from the passing cars. A ladder hanging off one of the cars caught him, tossing him under the train. He was just south of a Union Pacific rail yard in Livonia, and he died about 1:30 a.m. --------------- When I was about 6 or 7 I watched bigger kids, who had coins, put them on the rails. I didn't have coins, so I tried it with little rocks. I was crazy, not stupid, so I stood well back. Then a railroader caught me and beat the crap out of me, and claimed the hole in the wall on the second floor of the train station was from a rock put on the rails by a snot-nosed kid, and flung by a locomotive. I was quite impressed, and never did it again. Years later I found out the hole in the brick wall was from an American plane in WWII wasting ammo before fleeing into nearby Switzerland. That was 8 miles from Switzerland. So, if you see a snotnosed kid putting stuff onto the rails, do him a favor and beat the crap out of him! Tech Support Pits From: Tim Re: Excel versus Calc Dear Webby What is the difference between Microsoft Excel and Open Office Calc? Tim Dear Tim It is mostly a religious issue. Neither side is willing to listen to facts. Either program can handle your spreadsheet needs quite nicely. The difference I can see is that Open Office Calc can pick up old Excel spreadsheets quite nicely, work on them and even save them back in Excel format, not just in it's own Open Format. If you work in a mixed or international environment where you might encounter Excel, Lotus, Quattro, Calc, etc., then the choice is clear: Then you need Calc. However, if all you ever work on is the stuff on your own machine, then it makes absolutley no difference which spreadsheet program you pick, except that Calc is part of Open Office and is free. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Pete and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in the furniture store. Pete said to the salesman, "We really like it, but I don't think we can afford it." The salesman said, "You just make a small down payment, and then you don't make another payment for six months." Gladys wheeled around with her hands on her hips and said, "Who told you about us?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sorry, no new tips, just wanna-be novels. Removing a Sticky Residue Lemon essential oil removes sticky residues quickly and easily. Put 4 drops of the lemon essential oil onto a cotton ball. Hold the cotton ball onto the sticky residue for a couple seconds then rub in a circular motion until the residue is gone. I have successfully used this method for removing two sided tape from metal and also sticky residue from labels. By StellaBell [149] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon." Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, I have placed an order for them a couple of weeks ago." Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was it she asked about?" "Rapes in the parking lot." ______________________________________________________ A college professor asked his class a question. "If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I?" One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon said "Professor you're 44." The Professor said "You're absolutely correct, but tell me, how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?" The student said. "You see professor, I have a brother, he's 22, and he's half nuts."


Original Players

Today in 
1520 Martin Luther publicly burned the papal edict. The 
 papacy demanded that he recant or face excommunication. 
 Luther refused and was formally expelled from the church 
 in January 1521. 
1845 British civil engineer Robert Thompson patented the 
 first pneumatic tires. 
1898 A treaty was signed in Paris that officially ended 
 the Spanish-American War. Also, Cuba became independent 
 of Spain. 
1901 The first Nobel prizes were awarded. 
1906 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt became the first 
 American to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, for 
 helping mediate an end to the Russo-Japanese War. 
1939 The National Football League's attendance exeeded 1 
 million in a season for the first time. 
1941 Japan invaded the Philippines. 
1941 The Royal Naval battleships Prince of Wales and 
 Repulse were sunk by Japanese aircraft in the Battle of 
 Malaya. 
1953 Hugh Hefner published the first "Playboy" magazine 
 with an investment of $7,600. 
1958 The first domestic passenger jet flight took place in 
 the U.S. when 111 passengers flew from New York to Miami 
 on a National Airlines Boeing 707. 
1982 The Law of the Sea Convention was signed by 118 countries 
 in Montego Bay, Jamaica. 23 nations and the U.S. were excluded. 
1990 The U.S. Food & Drug Administration approved Norplant, 
 a long-acting contraceptive implant. 
1993 The crew of the space shuttle Endeavor deployed the 
 repaired Hubble Space Telescope into Earth's orbit. 
1995 The first U.S. Marines arrived in the Bosnian capital of 
 Sarajevo to join NATO soldiers sent to enforce peace in the 
 former Yugoslavia. 
1996 South Africa's President Mandela signed into law a new 
 democratic constitution, completing the country's transition 
 from white-minority rule to a non-racial democracy. 
1998 Six astronauts opened the doors to the new international 
 space station 250 miles above the Earth's surface. 
1998 The Palestinian leadership scrapped constitutional 
 clauses that rejected Israel's existence. 
1999 After three years under suspicion of being a spy for 
 China, computer scientist Wen Ho Lee was arrested. He was 
 charged with removing secrets from the Los Alamos weapons 
 lab. Lee later pled guilty to one count of downloading 
 restricted data to tape and was freed. The other 58 
 counts were dropped. 
2003 The U.S. barred firms based in certain countries, 
 opponents of the Iraq war, from bidding on Iraqi 
 reconstruction projects. The ban did not prevent companies 
 from winning subcontracts. 
2007 Cristina Fernandez was sworn in as Argentina's first 
 elected female president.
2014  smiled.


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Alternative to Office 365 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, December 9

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida woman, who butt-dialled 911 and confessed her
shoplifting and meth making. And then thought getting 
mug shotted in jail was a good time to get a glamor shot.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1960 Sperry Rand Corporation unveiled a new computer, known as 
 "Univac 1107." 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
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America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) ______________________________________________________ Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team's response times. "Since we installed our new satellite navigation system," bragged the first one, "we cut our emergency response time by ten percent." The other paramedics nodded in approval. "Not bad," the second paramedic commented. "But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we've cut our average ERT by 20 percent." Again, the other team members gave their congratulations, until the third paramedic said, "That's nothing! Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we've cut our emergency response time in half!" ______________________________________________________ Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, shouting, "Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!" "That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy. "Come in the living room and tell me about it." "Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math, and 20 in science." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Brenda for this pictureof one of her horses: Click through for the big picture Silvers Moon Queen, young Tennessee Walking Horse Mare Brenda's site is at http://triangle-b.com ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to mugging for her mugshot in jail Ashley Malcolm, 25 Oak Hill, Florida Pocket dial to 9-1-1 leads to arrest of Volusia County shoplifting suspect A pocket dial to 9-1-1 by an Oak Hill woman who admittedly stole from a New Smyrna Beach Wal-Mart helped authorities track down the suspect, according to the call released by the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office. Ashley Malcolm, 25, was in the process of hopping into her getaway vehicle when the call to 9-1-1 began Tuesday afternoon, authorities said. Malcolm orders her friend to get into the truck and drive away from the store at 3155 State Road 44, according to the call, which is longer than 18 minutes. “Slow the [expletive] down,” Malcolm tells the driver. “Please just drive normal.” Throughout the call, Malcolm can be heard barking orders to her friend on which streets to take. When the unidentified friend yells at Malcolm to stop yelling at him, Malcolm snaps at him. “You’re not in trouble right now,” shesays. “You had nothing to do with it. You weren’t inside Wal-Mart stealing.” Malcolm goes on to tell her friend that all they have is his license tag number, and she can just tell police she asked for a ride and that he had no knowledge of her plans. The woman also talks about the chemicals in the truck to make methamphetamine, which she said she does not want to get arrested for, according to her 9-1-1 call. After authorities tracked down the truck, Malcolm was charged with retail theft and unlawful possession of chemicals, records show. She was being held Friday evening in the Volusia County Branch Jail on $3,000 bail. The driver was not arrested. Tech Support Pits From: Lynne Re: Office 365 Dear Webby Dear Webby, We are senior’s and we have been searching for an office program that has all the Microsoft programs – outlook, publisher, excel, word etc. that is within our pocketbook range We have come across the program “Office 365”. Have you heard of this program? It sounds too good to be true!! Do you know the pro’s and con’s. We have read that it is Cloud based, we haven’t Cloud for anything yet. Is it safe?? We have learned so much from your web page. It has been always easy to understand the answers from you. Have a Merry Christmas and the best ever year ahead!! Minnesota Grams Dear Lynne Office365 is just the name for the current Microsoft Office. Microsoft is trying to come up to the same level as Open Office. The biggest difference is that Open Office is free, Microsoft Office 365 is expensive. While Europe and Asia has been using Open Office for many years, in NorthAmerica a lot of people are still tied to Microsoft. However, there is no need to be afraid. You can pick up your Excel files with Open Office Calc, and even save them back as Excel files. The same goes for WORD docs. You simply use Writer. Open Office is at http://www.openoffice.org/ For email you can use Thunderbird https://www.mozilla.org/en-US/thunderbird/ It too is free, or Gmail, or ProtinMail, or even Eudora, like I have been using since 1993. You are totally free to use whichever email program you want, even the silly Incredimail with their emoticons. Re Cloud, don't let the con artists confuse you with fashionable catch-words. If your email is webmail at Comcast, like it has been for the last 20 years, then it is "on the cloud". Ho, hum. No big deal. When your ISP allows you a web page, or a few, and you keep stuff up there, that is "on the cloud". If you use ANY online back-up or sync service, that is "on the cloud." When you want a picture or article from the Humor Letter from 5 years ago, you look in the archive at http://webby.com/humor/blog That is "on the cloud". Basically, anything, that is not on your computer, is "on the cloud". Old hat, everybody has been using it for decades, just a fashionable catch phrase. "On the cloud" has some importance when somebody works from many different places and computers, and needs access to their documents from all those different computers. It is no big deal, just rather slow compared to having the documents on your computer. Even Google Docs work like that, and have for years. Cloud is just a fashionable catch phrase used by some used car salesmen and Microsoft. New and improved air in the muffler of Microsoft Office 365! Just use Open Office and save your money for something else. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Hailey, 4, heard a thunderstorm rumbling overhead and asked her parents and grandparents to listen to it. After the thunder stopped, Hailey told everyone to be quiet for a minute and she began to pray and asked God to stop the thunder and lightning. Immediately after she said "Amen," another clap of thunder was heard. Hailey looked up towards heaven and said, "You're not listening!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing a Sticky Residue Lemon essential oil removes sticky residues quickly and easily. Put 4 drops of the lemon essential oil onto a cotton ball. Hold the cotton ball onto the sticky residue for a couple seconds then rub in a circular motion until the residue is gone. I have successfully used this method for removing two sided tape from metal and also sticky residue from labels. By StellaBell [149] If you can't find that fancy Lemon Essential Oil, WD40 works well too. Have FUN! DearWQebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ "Look at ME!" boasted the fit old man to a group of young people. "Every morning I do fifty push-ups, do fifty sit-ups, and walk two miles. I'm fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why? I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't stay up late, and I don't chase after women!" He smiled at them, teeth white, eyes glittering, "And tomorrow, I'm going to celebrate my 95th birthday!" "Oh, really?" drawled one of the young onlookers, "How? With a bare naked bran muffin?" ______________________________________________________ He loved living in Staten Island, but he wasn't crazy about the ferry. Miss a ferry late at night, and you have to spend the next hour or so wandering the deserted streets of lower Manhattan. So when he spotted a ferry no more than fifteen feet from the dock, he decided he wouldn't subject himself to an hour's wait. He made a running leap and landed on his hands and knees, a little bruised maybe, but safe on deck. He got up, brushed himself off, and announced proudly to a bystander, "Well, I made that one, didn't I?' "Sure did," the bystander said. "But you should have waited a minute or two. The ferry is just about to dock."


Yultide Eggnog Cupcakes

Today in 
1625 The Treaty of the Hague was signed by England and the 
 Netherlands. The agreement was to subsidize Christian IV 
 of Denmark in his campaign in Germany. 
1783 The first executions at Newgate Prison took place. 
1854 Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem, "The Charge of the Light 
 Brigade," was published in England. 
1879 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Ore Milling Company.
1884 Levant M. Richardson received a patent for the 
 ball-bearing roller skate. 
1914 The Edison Phonograph Works was destroyed by fire. 
1917 Turkish troops surrendered Jerusalem to British troops 
 led by Viscount Allenby. 
1940 During World War II, British troops opened their first 
 major offensive in North Africa. 
1940 The Longines Watch Company signed for the first FM 
 radio advertising contract with experimental station 
 W2XOR in New York City. 
1941 China declared war on Japan, Germany and Italy. 
1955 Sugar Ray Robinson knocked out Carl Olson and 
 regained his world middleweight boxing title. 
1958 In Indianapolis, IN, Robert H.W. Welch Jr. and 
 11 other men met to form the anti-Communist John Birch Society. 
1960 Sperry Rand Corporation unveiled a new computer, known as 
 "Univac 1107." 
1962 "Lawrence of Arabia," by David Lean had its world 
 premiere in London. 
1975 U.S. President Gerald R. Ford signed a $2.3 billion 
 seasonal loan authorization to prevent New York City from 
 having to default. 
1984 Iranian security men seized control of the plane ending 
 a five-day hijacking of a Kuwaiti jetliner, which was parked 
 at the Tehran airport. 
1985 In Argentina, five former military junta members received 
 sentences in prison for their roles in the "dirty war" in 
 which nearly 9,000 people had "disappeared." 
1987 West Bank Palestinians launched an intifada (uprising) 
 against Israeli occupation. 
1987 In the Gaza Strip, an Israeli patrol attacked the 
 Jabliya refugee camp. 
1990 Lech Walesa won Poland's first direct presidential 
 election in the country's history. 
1990 Slobodan Milosovic was elected president in Serbia's 
 first free elections in 50 years. 
1990 The first American hostages to be released by Iraq 
 began arriving in the U.S. 
1991 European Community leaders agreed to begin using a 
 single currency in 1999. 
1992 Britain's Prince Charles and Princess Diana announced 
 their separation. 
1992 Clair George, former CIA spy chief, was convicted of 
 lying to the U.S. Congress about the Iran-Contra affair. 
 U.S. President George H.W. Bush later pardoned George. 
1992 U.S. troops arrived in Mogadishu, Somalia, to oversee 
 delivery of international food aid, in operation 'Restore Hope'. 
1993 The U.S. Air Force destroyed the first of 500 Minuteman II 
 missile silos that were marked for elimination under an arms 
 control treaty. 
1993 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Endeavor completed 
 repairs to the Hubble Space Telescope. 
1993 At Princeton University in New Jersey, scientists produced 
 a controlled fusion reaction equivalent to 3 million watts. 
1994 Representatives of the Irish Republican Army and the 
 British government opened peace talks in Northern Ireland. 
1994 U.S. President Clinton fired Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders 
 after learning that she had told a conference that masturbation 
 should be discussed in school as a part of human sexuality. 
1996 UN Secretary General Boutros-Ghali approved a deal 
 allowing Iraq to resume its exports of oil and easing the 
 UN trade embargo imposed on Iraq in 1990. 
2002 United Airlines filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy after 
 losing $4 billion in the previos two years. It was the 
 sixth largest bankruptcy filing. 
2003 In Australia, thieves broke into a home and stole two 
 300-year-old etchings by Rembrandt. The 4-by-4-inch 
 etchings, a self-portait and a depiction of the artist's 
 mother, were valued around $518,000.
2014  smiled.


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