Windows open too small 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, May 8

By the time you read this, I will be on my way to Calgary
to get more injections into my eyeballs.

You know the drill. Thursday, Friday, Saturday there won't
be a newsletter, because my vision is not good enough to
see what I am doing after those injections.

When I come home from there, I have problems undoing my 
shoe laces, and have to use the scissors, if they don't
cooperate. 
Sunday morning I will be back in your mailbox.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers. --- Daniel J. Boorstin
>From Fred I asked my wife if she had seen this morning's paper. She said, "Yes, I wrapped the garbage in it--just the classified section, though." I said, "But...but...I haven't seen it yet!" She replies, "Oh, you didn't miss much. Just some egg shells, coffee grounds and a few orange peels."
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!

Thanks to Dave for this classic: When the office printer's type began to grow faint (this was one of the old dot-matrix printers), the office manager called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he said, the manager might try reading the printer's manual and doing the job himself. Pleasantly surprised by his candor, the office manager asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?" "Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."
Click on the picture for the large version You can order the INS and all kinds of border control patches from Copshop.com
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to William Hotz, 59, Valley Stream, NY Jailed For Beating Woman To The Ground Over Expired Coupon For Free Ice Cream Cone Reported by The Weekly Vice William Hotz, a 59-year-old Valley Stream man, was jailed Wednesday after he repeatedly punched a female cashier in the face because she wouldn't accept an expired coupon for a free ice cream cone. According to Nassau County police, Hotz went to a local ice cream shop, and ordered a $3.50 ice cream cone. After he received his order, he attempted to pay for it with an expired coupon that offered "one free ice cream cone." When the 55-year-old female cashier told him that his coupon was expired and that he'd have to pay for his ice cream cone, Hotz became angry and stormed out of the shop. When the cashier followed him outside, Hotz retaliated by repeatedly punching her in the face. When officers arrived on the scene, Hotz took a combative stance, flailed his arms and refused to be taken into custody. Officers on the scene waited for backup before finally placing Hotz under arrest. The victim received cuts and swelling to her lip, but refused medical treatment. Hotz was booked into jail and charged with robbery and resisting arrest. Tech Support Pits From: Jim H Re: Windows open small Dear Webby Again I come to you, thanking you for you wisdom and asking another question. When I want to open a folder for a picture or whatever, the window shows small. I can expand it by dragging the corners, but the next time I open it, it is a small window again. Is there any way to have the windows open "full screen" every time. This happens with Eudora when I want to insert a picture and also with other programs. Thank you again, jh Dear Jim From what I can find on the net, that problem seems to be related to internet Explorer. People, who use FireFox or Chrome have never heard of that problem. I found three potential solutions: =================== to solve the problem regarding minimized window size of ie 8 in windows 7 and make it to a full window. Open only one ie8 window on the upper bar of the window right click it and choose size resize the window to its full view then go to file menu and choose exit. there you go open ie 8 it will surely default in full view lucas3x ==================== go to tools, internet options, under "Tabs" click settings, select "always open pop-ups in a new tab" Apparently explorer recognizes new windows as a pop-up. enjoy weez4real ==================== A FREE third party software is suggested which seems to do the job well (http://www.southbaypc.com/AutoSizer/) but we still would like a proper response or fix from Microsoft. Ghistrem 2009 ==================== Take your pick or try them all, until you find one, that works. Or try FireFox. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tennis Balls as Alternative to Dryer Sheets To save money and time when drying your clothes, instead of using dryer sheets or dryer balls, put three tennis balls in the dryer with your load. This saves you money by not having to buy dryer sheets and cuts drying time in half. The tennis balls can be used over and over. They also make your clothes softer. I do this every time. By blueeyes27 from Peru, IN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

Sister Mary, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a gas station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gas, and carried the full bedpan back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two men watched from across the street. One of the them turned to the other and said, "If it starts, I'm turning Catholic.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson. "Is the word spelled p-u-t or p-u-t-t?'' she asked the instructor. "P-u-t-t would be correct,'' he replied. "Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing."
» Small Wonders

Today, May 8, in
1096 Peter the Hermit and his army reached Hungary. 
 They passed through without incident.
1450 Jack Cade's Rebellion-Kentishmen revolted against 
 King Henry VI.
1541 Hernando de Soto reached the Mississippi River. 
 He called it Rio de Espiritu Santo.
1794 Antoine Lavoisier was executed by guillotine. 
 He was the French chemist that discovered oxygen.
1794 The United States Post Office was established.
1846 The first major battle of the Mexican War was fought. 
 The battle occurred in Palo Alto, TX.
1847 The rubber tire was patented by Robert W. Thompson.
1879 George Selden applied for the first automobile patent.
1886 Pharmacist Dr. John Styth Pemberton invented what 
 would later be called "Coca-Cola."
1902 Mount Pelee on Martinique erupted and killed over 
 30,000 people and destroyed the town of St. Pierre.
1904 U.S. Marines landed in Tangier to protect the 
 Belgian legation.
1914 The U.S. Congress passed a Joint Resolution that 
 designated the second Sunday in May as Mother's Day.
1921 Sweden abolished capital punishment.
1933 Gandhi began a hunger strike to protest British 
 oppression in India.
1943 The Germans suppressed a revolt by Polish Jews and 
 destroyed the Warsaw Ghetto.
1956 Alfred E. Neuman appeared on the cover of "Mad Magazine" 
 for the first time.
1960 Diplomatic relations between Cuba and the Soviet Union resumed.
1967 Muhammad Ali was indicted for refusing induction in U.S. Army.
1970 Construction workers broke up an anti-war protest on 
 New York City's Wall Street.
1973 Militant American Indians who had held the South Dakota 
 hamlet of Wounded Knee for 10 weeks surrendered.
1985 "New Coke" was released to the public on the 99th 
 anniversary of Coca-Cola. 78 days later it was dumped.
1986 Reporters were told that 84,000 people had been evacuated 
 from areas near the Chernobyl nuclear plant in Soviet Ukraine.
1998 A pipe burst leaving a million residents without water in 
 Malaysia's capital area. This added to four days of shortages 
 that 2 million already faced.
2013  smiled


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A way to get your address blocked 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, May 7

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's scientists have substituted mathematics for experiments, and they wander off through equation after equation, and eventually build a structure which has no relation to reality. --- Nikola Tesla (1857 - 1943), A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment. --- Willis Player
A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the next day and he would have to return the next day. "What for?" he snapped at the judge. His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query roared, "Twenty dollars contempt of court. That's why!" Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented. "That's all right. You don't have to pay now." The man replied, "I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words."
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!

The other day, I had no choice, I had to go to the emergency room. Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I went to the Army-Navy surpluse store, and bought some OD pants and a shirt. Then I sewed a couple of patches on which I grabbed from the internet. Stuck on my pilot sunglasses and was off! It was amazing how many people left as I walked in. I guess they suddenly decided they werent' that sick after all. Here is the patch that you can sew on your clothing if you are in need of reasonably prompt emergency service. You can order the ptches from Copshop.com
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Krystal Thomas, 23, Syracuse, N.Y. Jailed After Stabbing Toddler Son In Testicles During Argument With Child's Father Reported by The Weekly Vice Krystal Thomas, a 23-year-old New York woman, was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly stabbed her 2-year-old son's testicles in retaliation for an argument she was having with the child's father. According to police, the incident began on Tuesday when Thomas and her boyfriend, Ron Craven, became engaged in an argument that began spiraling out of control. Craven decided to leave the residence for awhile, hoping that Thomas would calm down in his absence. When he returned to the house, however, he found Thomas "acting stranger than usual" while holding a butcher knife in her hand. Investigators say the couple began arguing again and continued to argue as Craven went outside into the driveway. That's when Thomas reportedly jumped into a vehicle and attempted to run Craven over. Craven was rolled onto the vehicle's hood as he tried to jump out of the way. Thomas backed up for a second run. During Thomas' second attempt, she struck the home's front porch and another vehicle before fleeing the scene. When Craven walked into the residence to check on their son, he found the boy bleeding heavily from the groin area. The boy was taken to an area hospital where it was discovered he had been stabbed in the testicles. The boy was treated for a two-inch stab wound and is expected to recover. When officers found Thomas the next day, she reportedly told them that she stabbed her son to "stop him from later multiplying," according to the arrest affidavit. She was booked into jail and charged with felony counts of assault, attempted assault and reckless endangerment. She remains held in lieu of $500,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Alice Re: Auto responder Dear Webby At first I was miffed at your reply, that sounded like you had preached the same thing too many times. Pardon me for not having been subscribed as long as others. Then I phoned my daughter, hoping she had a different explanation. Well, golly, she didn't. And she had me blacklisted! Not on purpose, but as you said, anything that smells like an auto- responder gets dumped and the sender blacklisted. Now I dumped my autoresponder, and the stupid book that recommended it. Thanks Alice Dear Alice Good for you! Autoresponders are only justified when they deliver requested information, like for example a price list, or weather update, or event schedule, or even race results when somebody sends a blank email to a certain address. Other than that, it's best to avoid them like the plague. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Raised Beds Using Cardboard Boxes This year I want to try raised beds in my garden, but I don't want to spend any money on purchasing the wood necessary to make them, plus all the work involved. So I came up with this idea - why not use cardboard boxes from the grocery stores? I plan on getting approximately 12 inch deep ones with sturdier sides. I think that they should hold up for one entire summer. I will let you know how I fare with them. If this works, I'll be so happy! By annelaundrie from Green Bay, WI Cardboard will just make a big mess. You can get "slabs", the sides of logs, for free from any sawmill. They will even cut them to 4 feet length, so that you can haul them on your bicycle or in a car. Hammer those slabs into the ground or bury the ends of them, and stomp the dirt on their side, so that you have a tight fence. Regular hay-wire ($5 / mile) strung from side to side will keep them from leaning out as you fill the beds. To fill raied beds to waist high, for easy planting, weeding, harvesting, the proper way is to start with heater stuff. Cardboard, roots from stumps, rotten wood, etc., stuff that will slowly decompose and provide spring and fall heat. Then on top of that put a layer of compost. That will provide nutrition and faster heat. Top it off with screened garden dirt. If you just want edging, up to a foot high, you can use slabs lengthwise, held in place with concrete re-bar hammered in, or even sticks hammered in to keep them in place. Peeled slabs look quite nice and after a few seasons turn silvery. They last 20 - 25 years. Some people paint them black to absorb more sun in spring, but because the wood is an insulator, that is a waste of time. If you want to plant earlier, put re-bar or plastic pipe hoops like on a covered wagon onto your raised beds and cover them with clear plastic. Make the ends so that they are easy to open, preferably with a string from your house, and put a large exterior thermometer into at least one of them. Even if the nights and mornings are below freezing, afternoons can make your raised bed hothouses way too hot for plants. That system with slabs and hooped plastic tunnel worked fine for me and others even in the Yukon. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, when a salesman runs up to him and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!" The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?" "It's a special golf ball," says the salesman. "You can never lose it!" "Whattaya mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?" "No problem," says the salesman. "It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it." "Well, what if you hit it into the woods?" "Easy," says the salesman. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed." "Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?" "No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I'm telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!" The golfer buys it at once. "Just one question," he says to the salesman. "Where did you get it?" "I found it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A couple went to pay a visit to another couple, unannounced. The wife answered the door. "Come in," she said. The other couple came in,sat down, then asked, "Where's John?" "Oh," replied his wife,"he's in the bathroom, grouting and spackling." "Oh, dear," said the other lady, "I had that once and didn't get over it for two weeks.
» Cubby Holes

Today, May 7, in
0558 The dome of the church of St. Sophia in Constantinople 
 collapsed. It was immediately rebuilt as ordered by Justinian.
1274 The Second Council of Lyons opened in France to regulate 
 the election of the pope.
1429 The English siege of Orleans was broken by Joan of Arc.
1525 The German peasants' revolt was crushed by the ruling 
 class and church.
1763 Indian chief Pontiac began all out war on the British 
 in New York.
1912 The first airplane equipped with a machine gun flew 
 over College Park, MD.
1915 The Lusitania, a civilian ship, was sunk by a German 
 submarine. 1,201 people were killed.
1926 A U.S. report showed that one-third of the nation's 
 exports were motors.
1937 The German Condor Legion arrived in Spain to assist 
 Franco’s forces.
1939 Germany and Italy announced a military and political 
 alliance known as the Rome-Berlin Axis.
1940 Winston Churchill became British Prime Minister.
1942 In the Battle of the Coral Sea, Japanese and American 
 navies attacked each other with carrier planes. It was the 
 first time in the history of naval warfare where two enemy 
 fleets fought without seeing each other.
1945 Germany signed unconditional surrender ending World War II. 
 It would take effect the next day.
1946 Tokyo Telecommunications Engineering Corp. was founded. 
 The company was later renamed Sony.
1951 Russia was admitted to participate in the 1952 Olympic Games 
 by the International Olympic Committee.
1954 French Colonial Forces surrendered to the Vietminh at 
 Dien Bien Phu after 55 days of fighting.
1954 The United States and the United Kingdom rejected the 
 Soviet Union's bid to join NATO.
1975 U.S. President Ford declared an end to the Vietnam War.
1984 A $180 million out-of-court settlement was announced in 
 the Agent Orange class-action suit brought by Vietnam veterans 
 who claimed they had suffered injury from exposure to the 
 defoliant while serving in the armed forces.
1992 A 203-year-old proposed constitutional amendment barring 
 the U.S. Congress from giving itself a midterm pay raise was 
 ratified as the 27th Amendment.
1997 A report released by the U.S. government said that 
 Switzerland provided Nazi Germany with equipment and credit 
 during World War II. Germany exchanged for gold what had been 
 plundered or stolen. Switzerland did not comply with postwar 
 agreements to return the gold.
1998 Daimler-Benz bought Chrysler Corp. for close to $40 billion. 
 It was the largest industrial merger on record. 
1998 Residents of London voted to elect their own mayor for the 
 first time in history. The vote would take place in May 2000.
1999 In Belgrade, Yugoslavia, three Chinese citizens were killed 
 and 20 were wounded when a NATO plane mistakenly bombed the 
 Chinese embassy.
2003 In Washington, DC, General Motors Corp. delivered six 
 fuel cell vehicles to Capitol Hill for lawmakers and others 
 to test drive during the next two years.
2013  smiled


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Monitors from Costco? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, May 6.


Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy and wealthy and dead. --- James Thurber (1894 - 1961) Where we have strong emotions, we're liable to fool ourselves. --- Carl Sagan (Like he did with his "Ice Age Is Coming" campaign at the END of the previous cooling ripple, which was the model for Al Gore's "Gullible Warming" campaign, at the END of the warming ripple.)
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for hours for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say, 'You as horny as I am?' . . . and, she always acts like she's sound asleep!"
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!

Becky and Sally were doing some carpentry work on their house. Becky, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Sally figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?" Becky explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away." Sally got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!" Feel free to change the names when you re-tell this one!
Thanks to Sailor for these pictures: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nikki Scherwitz, 25, Freeport, TX Teacher jailed For Having Sex With Student Reported by The Weekly Vice Nikki Scherwitz, a 25-year-old English teacher at Brazosport High School, was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly had sex with a 16-year-old student. According to police, an investigation was launched April 22nd after Scherwitz showed up at a student planned after-prom party, drank alcohol and then left with a 16-year-old student. Investigators say rumors of an alleged sexual relationship between Scherwitz and a student had been circulating around the school for weeks when she showed up at a student's home for an after-prom party on April 20. "One of the students told her it wasn't right for her to be there and drink booze, and asked her to leave," said Raymond Garivey of the Freeport Police Dept. "We have information that she was consuming alcohol." Suspicion was raised even further, however, when Scherwitz allegedly left the party with a 16-year-old student. As the investigation unfolded, Scherwitz allegedly admitted to having a relationship with the student that spanned several weeks. "The relationship started with text messaging, which led to explicit text messaging, which led to sex," said Garivey. Scherwitz reportedly resigned her position with the school on April 22nd when she learned that she was under investigation for the alleged relationship. Although Scherwitz is married she is now separated from her husband, according to reports. Scherwitz was booked into the Freeport Jail and charged with sexual assault of a child and improper relationship between educator and student. She was released after posting $50,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Angela Re: VGA monitor Dear Webby, I need to buy a new monitor. My gorgeous Lenovo 1600x1200 LED monitor died. I am limping along on the old NEC 19" CRT, that has been sitting in the garage for many years now. It too is 1600x1200, but I can hardly believe how dim it is compared to a modern LED monitor! I realize that 4:3 monitors are reserved for Asia and that we just get the rejects, that are only 2/3 as high, but I can't afford to fly to China or Singapore to buy a 4:3 monitor, so I am gritting my teeth and preparing to settle on what you call a "Sawed off runt". Well, nobody wanted W7 either, but accepted it with nary a whimper. If some aliens want to take us over, all they have to do is tell us slavery is a fashionable upgrade. Anyway, before i get into politics, back to monitors. I saw a bunch of nice looking monitors at Costco with prices, that seemed as good or better than Tiger's, but would save me the shipping cost. I realize that the floor crew at Costco specializes on being friendly, but usually does not know much more than the price, same as at any store, these days. So I am asking you: Are those monitors a good deal? Angela Dear Angela I had to get a prescription refill anyway, so I went and had a look at the monitors at Costco. Those monitors are OK, if you have just bought a computer from them. I saw a Samsung labelled VGA, DVI, 24". $159 I asked them to open a box. No problem. There was a DVI cable included, to fit this year's computers, but no VGA cable to fit your older computer. DUH! I asked, if the VGA cable for computers, that are more than one or two years old, are available as an option, since the label on the shelf said VGA, DVI. He phoned the back office. You are right about the floor crew at Costco being very friendly. However, the back-office seems to be staffed with people, who have sharp elbows and PMS. He was told that the included cable fit the computers, that they were currently selling. Maybe a competitor was selling cables. So, if your computer is a few years old, then hopefully the VGA cable on the old monitor is detachable and not hardwired in. Then you can re-use that cable. Otherwise you will have to go to a local recycler or pack-rat and buy a used VGA cable. 15 pin VGA is analog, 17 pin DVI is digital. If you have secured a 15 pin VGA cable, then go for it. Just make sure you got a cable before you spend money. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fruit Fly Trap I absolutely hate fruit flies! This trap is very easy to make and works really well. I always have this trap set up on the counter, so an infestation never has a chance to take hold. :) Approximate Time: 5 minutes Supplies: red wine vinegar Dawn dish soap plastic wrap rubber band toothpick clear jar Put 3-4 drops of Dawn soap into the bottom of the jar. Pour 6 Tbsp. of red wine vinegar into the jar (or enough to fill it about 1/4 in.). Gently swirl the jar around to combine the ingredients. Place a piece of plastic wrap over the jar and pull it tight across the top. Secure it with a rubber band. Trim off any excess plastic. Using a toothpick, poke holes into the plastic so the flies can get in. Place your trap near any fruit you have out on the counter. Goodbye fruit flies! NOTE: I change out my mixture about every 2 weeks, more often if I am catching a lot of fruit flies. By lalala... Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

An old blacksmith realized he was soon going to quit working so hard. He picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the boy. "Just do whatever I tell you to do." One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard." Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The professor of a graduate-school class of gifted students included a HUGE amount of material on the midterm exam. Tension in the room built, people were sighing and gasping aloud as they realized how much material they had covered and were expected to recall. The following week, the professor tossed the graded papers on her desk and announced, "Class, after I left here last week, the Lord spoke to me. He said, 'Thanks, professor. I haven't heard from some of those people in many years!
» Cubby Holes

Today, May 6, in
1527 German troops began sacking Rome, bringing about the 
 end of the Renaissance.
1529 Babur defeated the Afghan Chiefs in the Battle of 
 Ghagra, India.
1840 The first adhesive postage stamps went on sale in GB
1851 The mechanical refrigerator was patented by Dr. John Gorrie.
1851 Linus Yale patented the clock-type lock.
1861 Arkansas became the ninth state to secede from the Union.
1877 Chief Crazy Horse surrendered to U.S. troops in Nebraska.
1882 The U.S. Congress passed the Chinese Exclusion Act. The act 
 barred Chinese immigrants from the U.S. for 10 years.
1889 The Universal Exposition opened in Paris, France, marking 
 the dedication of the Eiffel Tower. Also at the exposition was 
 the first automobile in Paris, the Mercedes-Benz.
1937 The German airship Hindenburg crashed and burned in 
 Lakehurst, NJ. Thirty-six people (of the 97 on board) were killed.
1941 Joseph Stalin assumed the Soviet premiership.
1942 During World War II, the Japanese seized control of the 
 Philippines. About 15,000 Americans and Filipinos on Corregidor 
 surrendered to the Japanese.
1945 Axis Sally made her final propaganda broadcast to 
 Allied troops.
1957 U.S. Senator John Fitzgerald Kennedy was awarded the Pulitzer 
 Prize for his book "Profiles in Courage".
1960 Britain's Princess Margaret married Anthony Armstrong Jones. 
 They were divorced in 1978.
1960 U.S. President Eisenhower signed the Civil Rights Act of 1960.
1962 The first nuclear warhead was fired from the Polaris submarine.
1994 The Chunnel officially opened. The tunnel under the English Channel 
 links England and France.
1994 Former Arkansas state worker Paula Jones filed suit against U.S. 
 President Clinton. The case alleged that he had sexually harassed 
 her in 1991.
1999 A parole board in New York voted to release Amy Fisher. 
 She had been in jail for 7 years for shooting her lover's wife, 
 Mary Jo Buttafuoco, in the face.
2002 "Spider-Man" became the first movie to make more than 
 $100 million in its first weekend.
2013  smiled


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Stuck in CAPS 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, May 5.
Cinco de Mayo, state holiday in Mexifornia.
The Cinco de Mayo is not, in its origins, a Mexican holiday
at all but rather an American one, created by Latinos in 
California in the middle of the 19th century. The key events
celebrated on May 5 were taking place in Mexico, when Mexico
beat up the French Army and prevented France from supplying
the Confederates with arms and ammo and support and from 
breaking the Union blockade of the Southern ports.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber. --- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965) I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education. --- Wilson Mizner (1876 - 1933) Fashion is something that goes in one year and out the other. --- Socratex A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores. --- Terry Pratchett
Thanks to Nanarina for this news item: Detroit Police last night announced the discovery of an arms cache of 2000 semi-automatic rifles with 25,000 rounds of ammunition, 2 tons of heroin, $5 million in forged US banknotes and 15 trafficked Latino prostitutes - all in a semi-detached house behind the Public Library on Woodward Ave. Local residents were stunned, and a community spokesman said, "We all be shocked; none of us never knew we had a liberry."
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!

A Jewish woman's husband dies. He only had $30,000 to his name. After everything was done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that there is none of the $30,000 left. The friend asked, "How can that be?" The widow replied, "Well, the funeral cost me $6,500. And of course I made a donation to the shul ..that was $500, and I spent another $500 for food and drinks for the people when I was sitting shiva. The rest went for the memorial stone." Her friend said, "$22,500 for the memorial stone? My, how big is it?" The widow said, "Three carats."
Thanks to Sailor for these pictures: Click on the picture for the large version These flares were 200,000 km hih. 200,000 km = 25,000 times as high as Mt Everest
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dareka Brooks,22, Milwaukee, Wisconsin Hooker Jailed After Macing Boy, Fleeing Scene With Piggy Bank and iPad Reported by The Weekly Vice Dareka Brooks, a 22-year-old Milwaukee woman, was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly robbed a 14-year-old boy of his piggy bank after he tried to pay her for sex. According to the Cook County Sheriff's Office, a 14-year-old boy used his iPad to contact Brooks after he logged onto a website known for listing pay-for-sex advertisements. Brooks reportedly agreed to the boy's invitation and arranged to meet him at his home while his parents were away. When Brooks arrived at the boy's home to carry out the encounter, she told him to go into a bedroom and take off his pants. While the teen was sitting on his bed, Brooks maced him and fled the scene with his iPad, a piggy bank and an undisclosed amount of cash. Investigators say the teen immediately called police and gave them a description of Brooks and the vehicle she left in. Officers were able to locate Brooks at a local hotel after she turned on the boy's iPad. She was apprehended at the scene when police found the stolen items in her possession. Brooks was booked into jail and charged with armed robbery. Her bond has been set at $10,000. Tech Support Pits From: Jerry Re: Caps Locked text Dear Webby, I am editing (pro bono) a local service club monthly bulletin and occasionally get a script IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. I don't mind going through two or three paragraphs, but it will take forever to rewrite several pages -- not to mention how boring it is. If anyone knows a shortcut, I figure it is you. CAN YOU HELP? Thanx, Jerry Dear Jerry Just send it back to them and tell them that they are giving AOL a bad name, again. Jerry, you are not doing them a favor by lowering your standards to theirs! Bring them up to YOURS! He's a poor teacher, who has never been called a meanie. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Opt-Out of Yellow Pages Delivery You can opt-out of receiving the yellow pages by visiting the following address. I almost never use a paper yellow pages any more since just about every business has a website so I really appreciate not having to receive delivery of them. yellowpagesoptout.com By Fletcher Sandbeck Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

A Kiwi was hoping to immigrate to Australia. Upon arriving in Australia, he was questioned by a customs officer, "What is your business in Australia?" "I wish to immigrate," was the Kiwi's reply. The customs officer then asked, "Do you have a conviction record?" Confused, the Kiwi then replied, "I didn't know you still needed one!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Waiting in a long, slow-moving line for security clearance at the Edmonton International Airport in Canada, I was annoyed to hear a loud male voice behind me. "Excuse me, excuse me," said the man as he pushed his way to the front. "I want to make sure I get a good seat." I resolved not to let this line-jumper get ahead of me. When I felt a tap on my shoulder. I slowly turned around, prepared to give the man a sriously raised eybrow, -- but found myself face to face with a smiling pilot.
There was a university in New England where the students operated a "bank" of term papers and other homework assignments. There were papers to suit all needs. Since it would look odd if an undistinguished student suddenly handed in a brilliant essay, there were papers for an A grade, B grade, and C grade. One student, who had spent the weekend on more "extra-curricular pursuits," went to the bank, and as his course was a standard one he took out a paper for a inconspicuous C. He then retyped it and handed the work in. In due course he received it back with the professor's comments. "I wrote this paper myself twenty years ago. I always thought it was worth an A, and now I'm pleased to give it one!"
» Original Hoop Dancers

Today, May 5, in
1494 Christopher Columbus sighted Jamaica on his second 
trip to the Western Hemisphere. He named the island Santa Gloria.
1809 Mary Kies was awarded the first patent to go to a woman. 
It was for technique for weaving straw with silk and thread.
1814 The British attacked the American forces at Ft. Ontario, 
 Oswego, NY.
1821 Napoleon Bonaparte died on the island of St. Helena, 
where he had been in exile.
1862 The Battle of Puebla took place. It is celebrated as 
 Cinco de Mayo Day.
1865 The Thirteenth Amendment was ratified, abolishing 
 slavery in the U.S.
1886 A bomb exploded on the fourth day of a workers' 
 strike in Chicago, IL.
1892 The U.S. Congress extended the Geary Chinese Exclusion 
Act for 10 more years. The act required Chinese in the U.S. 
to be registered or face deportation.
1912 Soviet Communist Party newspaper Pravda began publishing.
1916 U.S. Marines invaded the Dominican Republic.
1925 John T. Scopes, a biology teacher in Dayton, TN, 
was arrested for teaching Darwin's theory of evolution.
1945 The Netherlands and Denmark were liberated from Nazi 
 control.
1945 A Japanese balloon bomb exploded on Gearhart Mountain 
in Oregon. A pregnant woman and five children were killed.
1961 Alan Shepard became the first American in space when 
 he made a 15 minute suborbital flight.
1981 Irish Republican Army hunger-striker Bobby Sands died 
 at the Maze Prison in Northern Ireland. It was his 66th 
 day without food.
2000 The final episode of "Boy Meets World" aired on ABC. 
2013  smiled


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How to get rid of PC-TOOLS? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, May 4.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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The human mind treats a new idea the same way the body treats a strange protein; it rejects it. --- P. B. Medawar (1915 - ?) A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. --- Herm Albright (1876 - 1944) Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. --- Euripides (484 BC - 406 BC)
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
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In a recent survey, 47% of Americans said they thought there was a serious immigration problem that this administration needed to address. The other 53% responded, "No hablo Ingles."
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Stephanie Middleton, 34, St Martin, Miss. Jailed After Sending Drugs To Jailbird Husband Using US Mail Reported by The Weekly Vice When Stephanie Middleton was lucky enough to be granted house arrest instead of an 8-year prison sentence following her burglary conviction, she did what any smart girl would NOT do. She began using the United States Postal Service to send drugs to her husband who is currently spending time in jail. According to the Jackson County Sheriff's Office, Stephanie's husband, 34-year-old Joseph Middleton, is incarcerated at the Jackson County Jail on numerous charges, including grand larceny, possession of stolen property, and burglary. Investigators say while Mr. Middleton was incarcerated, Mrs. Middleton reportedly sent an undisclosed amount of prescription Fentanyl patches to him through the U.S. Postal Service. Police discovered the patches and an undisclosed amount of morphine at her residence and took her into custody. Mrs. Middleton was booked into the South Mississippi Correctional Facility and charged with two counts of drug possession and introducing contraband into a jail. If she is convicted on all drug charges and her home detention is reversed, she will face up to 32 years in prison. Mr. Middleton remains jailed at the Jackson County Jail. He is also facing a charge of introducing contraband into a jail. Tech Support Pits From: Martha Re: Get rid of PC-TOOLS I need to uninstatll PC Tools from the PC. It's also call Spyware Doctor. Going to add/remove programs does not work. Thanks for all the great fun you send our way. martha@ Dear Martha You MIGHT find an Uninstall file in the PC-Tools directory. If there isn't follow the instructions at Remove PC-TOOLS It would be a good idea to print that out, and use a big, fat black MarkAll to totally obliterate the ads, that they snuck into the text, so that you don't get sidetracked while you are working on that. You can't click on the printed paper anyway. The instructions look rather scary and are similar to the instructions for getting rid of really nasty trojams, but that's what you get for using PC-TOOLS. By the way, I used to really like PC-TOOLS until it was taken over by Symantec (Norton) in 1994. It had been the major competitor to Norton Utilities, but in the early 1990's the media badmouthed PC-TOOLS and helped Symantec in a hostile take-over. Norton then trashed PC-TOOLS down to their level and made it just as difficult to UN-install. I had stopped using Norton in the late 80's when I found out that they deliberately marked a prime spot on the hard drive as bad and hid registration and expiry information in there, and did not reverse that, when it was un-installed. They CLAIM to be Windows compatible, even though to get the "Windows Compatible" logo, a program would need to provide single click UNinstallation or UNinstallation via Program Manager. Good luck with your UNinstallation! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Opt-Out of Yellow Pages Delivery You can opt-out of receiving the yellow pages by visiting the following address. I almost never use a paper yellow pages any more since just about every business has a website so I really appreciate not having to receive delivery of them. yellowpagesoptout.com By Fletcher Sandbeck Excellent idea! Now that I have Yellow Pages books permanetly installed under my monitor and a few of them in the garage to use as cheap jack stands, I really don't need any more. Haev FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

The psychiatrist was interviewing a first-time patient. "You say you're here," he inquired, "because your family is worried about your taste in socks?" "That's correct," muttered the patient. "I like wool socks." "But that's perfectly normal," replied the doctor. "Many people prefer wool socks to those made from cotton or acrylic. In fact, I myself like wool socks." "You DO?" exclaimed the man. "With oil and vinegar or just a squeeze of lemon?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>Thanks to Vern for this one: I was inspecting communications facilities in Alaska. Since I had little experience in flying in small planes, I was nervous when we approached a landing strip in a snow covered area. The pilot descended to just a dozen feet, then gunned both engines, climbed, and circled back. While my heart pounded, the passenger beside me seemed calm. "I wonder why he didn't land," I said. "He was checking to see if the landing strip was plowed," the man said. As we made a second approach, I glanced out the window. "It looks plowed to me," I commented. "No," my seat mate said. "It hasn't been cleared for some time." "How can you tell?" I asked. "Because," the man informed me, "I'm the guy who drives the plow, and I have been in Hawaii for two weeks."
Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friend's house. Knowing his sweet tooth, Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake." "No, but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some like it, and she gave me two more pieces without asking."
» Original Hoop Dancers

Today, May 4, in
1471 In England, the Yorkists defeated the Landcastrians at 
 the battle of Tewkesbury in the War of the Roses.
1493 Alexander VI divided non-Christian world between Spain 
 and Portugal.
1626 Dutch explorer Peter Minuit landed on Manhattan Island. 
 Native Americans later sold the island (20,000 acres) for 
 $24 in cloth and buttons.
1715 A French manufacturer debuted the first folding umbrella.
1776 Rhode Island declared its freedom from England two months 
 before the Declaration of Independence was adopted.
1795 Thousands of rioters entered jails in Lyons, France, and 
 massacre 99 Jacobin prisoners.
1886 Chichester Bell and Charles S. Tainter patented the 
 gramophone. It was the first practical phonograph.
1916 Germany agreed to limit its submarine warfare after a 
 demand from U.S. President Wilson.
1932 Al Capone entered the Atlanta Penitentiary federal prison 
 for income-tax evasion.
1942 The Battle of the Coral Sea commenced as American and 
 Japanese carriers launched their attacks at each other.
1942 The United States began food rationing.
1946 A two-day riot at Alcatraz prison in San Francisco Bay ended. 
 Five people were killed.
1970 The Ohio National Guardsmen opened fire on students 
 during an anti-Vietnam war protest at Kent State University. 
 Four students were killed and nine others were wounded.
1981 The Federal Reserve Board raised its discount rate to 14%.
1987 Live models were used for the first time in Playtex 
 bra ads.
1989 Oliver North, a former White House aide was convicted 
 of shredding documents and two other crimes. He was acquitted 
 of nine other charges stemming from the Iran-Contra affair. 
 The three convictions were later overturned on appeal.
1994 Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin and PLO leader 
 Yasser Arafat signed a historic accord on Palestinian 
 autonomy that granted self-rule in the Gaza Strip and Jericho.
1998 Unabomber Theodore Kaczynski was given four life sentences 
 plus 30 years by a federal judge in Sacramento, CA. The 
 sentence was under a plea agreement that spared Kaczynski 
 the death penalty.
1999 Manuel Babbitt was executed for killing Leah Schendel 
 in 1980. Babbitt had received a purple heart for his injuries 
 in Vietnam while on death row.
2000 Londoners elected their mayor for the first time.
2003 Idaho Gem was born. He was the first member of the horse 
 family to be cloned.
2010 Pablo Picasso's "Nude, Green Leaves and Bust" sold for 
 $106.5 million. 
2013  smiled


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How to get rid of HP Web Smart Printing nuisance  



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, May 3.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Have FUN!
DearWebby


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An inventor is simply a fellow who doesn't take his education too seriously. --- Charles F. Kettering (1876 - 1958) The only correct actions are those that demand no explanation and no apology. --- Red Auerbach
While working at a Pizza Parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He though about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6.
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Jerry, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to Jill at the bar and stared up to the TV. The 10:00 PM news was now on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a tall building preparing to jump. Jill looked at Jerry and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Jerry replied, "You know, I bet he will." Jill said, "Well, I bet he won't." Jerry placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on." Just as Jill placed her money on the bar, the guy shown on the TV did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. Jill was very upset but handed $20 to Jerry saying, "Fair's fair, here's your money." Jerry replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump." Jill replied, "I saw it too, but I didn't think he'd do it again." Jerry took the money.
Thanks to Natalie for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Natalie wants to know what it is called.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Eduard A. Kovynev, 27, and Eduard P. Kovynev, 26 in Duluth, Georgia Jailed After Falling Through Ceiling During Ladies' Room Peep Session Reported by The Weekly Vice Georgia residents Eduard A. Kovynev, 27, and Eduard P. Kovynev, 26, were jailed Sunday after they allegedly crashed through a ceiling at a local movie theater while attempting to spy on women using the restroom. According to Gwinnett County Police, officers were dispatched to Venture Value Cinema in Duluth after two men crashed through a ceiling into the ladies' restroom located inside the theater. Investigators say the suspects climbed up into the ceiling from the mens' restroom and then crawled over to the ladies' restroom to spy on the unsuspecting women inside. That's when the ceiling suddenly collapsed and the two men fell through. The two men, who share the same first and last name, were booked into the Gwinnett County Jail and charged with "peeping Tom" criminal damage to property, and public intoxication. They were both released after posting $5,000 bond each. Tech Support Pits From: Wendy Re: Get rid of HP Web Smart Printing nuisance Hi, Webby, well, uninstalling that silly Smart Web Printing is a 'no-go' It won't let me uninstall it. So now what? When I go to Add/Remove programs there is no way it will let me uninstall it. It's driving me crazy. I'm thinking that maybe it's best to take this whole tower to my tech fella and get him to re-vamp this whole thing. This all started when my son unhooked my HP printer, and hooked it up to his laptop to print our Tax returns. Then, when he hooked it up again, this is what has happened. I'm going to check that ClickBook site and see if there's any help there. Thanks for all your help. Cheers, Wendy Dear Wendy Apparently you are not the only person suffering from that "HP Smart Web Malfunction". The forums are full of complaints. However, i found a solution, that apparently works: When you have IE open, click Tools, click Manage Add-Ons, click on HP Smart Web Printing on the list and then click the option to Disable this add-on. Close all open IE and then re-open it. HP Smart Web Printing should no longer automatically load. With FireFox it's the same. Tools, Add-ons, etc. ClickBook is defintiely an excellent idea for managing involved print jobs. Anything from labels to 4 "page" per sheet eBooks in paperback book format is automated by it, and when not needed, it politely exits, completely, without anything lurking in the memory. Clickbook won't get in the way of regular printing. When you do need it, you select it as if you were selecting one of many printers. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vinegar for Fresh Smelling Laundry My husband is a runner and his clothes get really smelly. They were making all the laundry have an odor. I used several different brands of detergent, but his clothes still had an odor. I finally started adding one cup of household white vinegar to each load of clothes. No more odor! All the clothes come out smelling great and no more sweaty smell to my husband's sports clothes. By LUCI MCMULLEN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

The boss ordered one of his men to dig a hole eight feet deep. After the job was completed the boss returned and explained an error had been made and the hole wouldn't be needed. "Fill 'er up," he ordered. The worker did as he'd been told. But he ran into a problem. He couldn't get all the dirt packed back into the hole without leaving a mound on top. He went to the office and explained his problem. The boss snorted, "Honestly! The kind of help you get these days! There's obviously only one thing to do. You'll have to dig that hole deeper!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
After twenty-five years in the same parish, Father O'Malley was saying his farewells at his retirement dinner. An eminent member of the congregation - a leading politician - had been asked to make a presentation and a short speech, but was late arriving. So the priest took it upon himself to fill the time, and stood up to the microphone: "I remember the first confession I heard here twenty-five years ago and it worried me as to what sort of place I'd come to... That first confession remains the worst I've ever heard. The chap confessed that he'd stolen a TV set from a neighbor and lied to the police when questioned, successfully blaming it on a local scallywag. He said that he'd stolen money from his parents and from his employer; that he'd had affairs with several of his friends' wives; that he'd taken hard drugs, and had slept with another woman and given her a disease. You can imagine what I thought... However I'm pleased to say that as the days passed I soon realized that this sad fellow was a frightful exception and that this parish was indeed a wonderful place full of kind and decent people." At this point the politician arrived and apologized for being late, and keen to take the stage, he immediately stepped up to the microphone and pulled his speech from his pocket: "I'll always remember when Father O'Malley first came to our parish," said the politician, "In fact, I'm certain, that I was the first person in the parish that he heard in confession."
An older man strode in to his doctors office and said, "Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change my prescription and to check the prescription you've been giving to a Mrs. Vinnie Smith." "Oh, he did, did he?" the doctor shot back. "And since when does a druggist second guess a doctor's orders?" The old man says, "Since he found out I've been on birth control pills since December, abd that a certain Mrs Vinnie Smith got pregnant."
» Radiation Belt

Today, May 3, in
1568 French forces in Florida slaughtered hundreds of Spanish.
1802 Washington, DC, was incorporated as a city.
1859 France declared war on Austria.
1888 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Phonograph Works.
1916 Irish nationalist Padraic Pearse and two others were 
 executed by the British for their roles in the Easter Rising.
1921 West Virginia imposed the first state sales tax.
1926 The revival of Wilde's "The Importance of Being Earnest" opened in New York.
1926 In Britain, trade unions began a general strike.
1944 Wartime rationing of most grades of meats ended in the U.S.
1944 Dr. Robert Woodward and Dr. William Doering produced the first 
 synthetic quinine at Harvard University.
1945 Indian forces captured Rangoon, Burma, from the Japanese.
1952 The first airplane landed at the geographic North Pole.
1968 After three days of battle, the U.S. Marines retook Dai Do 
 complex in Vietnam. They found that the North Vietnamese had 
 evacuated the area.
1971 Anti-war protesters began four days of demonstrations in 
 Washington, DC.
1986 In NASA's first post-Challenger launch, an unmanned Delta 
 rocket lost power in its main engine shortly after liftoff. 
 Safety officers destroyed it by remote control.
1988 The White House acknowledged that first lady Nancy Reagan 
 had used astrological advice to help schedule her husband's 
 activities.
1992 Five days of rioting and looting ended in Los Angeles, CA. 
 The riots, that killed 53 people, began after the acquittal of 
 police officers in the beating of Rodney King.
1997 The "Republic of Texas" surrendered to authorities ending 
 an armed standoff where two people were held hostage. The 
 group asserts the independence of Texas from the U.S.
1999 Mark Manes, at age 22, was arrested for supplying a gun to 
 Eric Harris and Dylan Kleibold, who later killed 13 people at 
 Columbine High School in Colorado.
2000 The trial of two Libyans accused of killing 270 people in 
 the bombing of Pan Am flight 103 (over Lockerbie) opened.
2006 In Alexandria, VA, Al-Quaida conspirator Zacarias Moussaoui 
 was given a sentence of life in prison for his role in the 
 terrorist attack on the U.S. on September 11, 2001. 
2013  smiled


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headphone batteries 



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Today is Thursday, May 2

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DearWebby


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Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian. --- Robert Orben Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made in the last 30 years, many foreign people still speak in foreign languages. --- Dave Barry Only the shallow know themselves. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
My sister-in-law Bonnie was very busy one day working in her house. She had just gotten to the basement after quite a few trips up and down when she heard the telephone ring upstairs. Tiredly, she ran back up the stairs only to hear a solicitor on the other end. "Hello, is this Bonnie D?" "Yes." "We are calling people in your area and would like to know if you would help us by participating in a brief survey." Without missing a beat, she told them, "I'm very busy right now. You will have to survey your own briefs."
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>Thanks to fred for this: Married 52 years, I took a look at my wife Julie yesterday and said, "Honey, 52 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I go to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old chick. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 70+ year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things." Now Julie is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old chick, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed....
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kim Decker, 52, Rockaway Township, N.J. Jailed After Stuffing Bra With 333 Folds Of Heroin Reported by The Weekly Vice Kim Decker, a 52-year-old New Jersey woman, was jailed Monday after she was allegedly caught with more than 300 f olds of heroin stuffed inside her bra. According to New Jersey State Police, Decker was driving erratically on Route 80 Monday at about 1:30 a.m. when a trooper on patrol took notice and pulled over her Honda Accord. When the trooper approached the vehicle and spoke to Decker, neither she or the two passenger that were with her had valid drivers' licenses. The trooper called in a tow truck and prepared to have the vehicle impounded. As Decker and the two passengers were exiting the vehicle, the trooper noticed a wax fold in plain sight laying inside the vehicle. Knowing that wax folds were a common item used to package and distribute heroin, the trooper took Decker and the two passengers into custody. That's when Decker allegedly told the trooper that she had heroin hidden inside her bra. The trooper transported the three suspects to the Netcong police barracks where a female officers found 333 wax folds of heroin hidden inside her bra. Officers also searched Decker's Honda, which produced drug paraphernalia, according to an arrest affidavit. Decker was booked into the Morris County Correctional Facility and charged with possession of heroin and possession of heroin with intent to distribute. Her bail was set at $50,000. Passengers William Malony and Ernest Broadwell (both 51) were booked into jail on similar charges. Tech Support Pits From: Carol Re: headphone batteries Webby, depending in what kind of headphones Nancy has, they may require additional batteries or even have a hard to see on off switch, as another consideration CArol T Dear Carol You are right! And some headphones have an in-line volume-control and Mute switch in the cable. The socket for the headphone plug should be protected as much as possible. Make sure no books or anything will ever rest on the plug, or that the plug is nicely supported. A right angle plug that is as flush as possible is always a very good investment, considering how much repairs of a laptop motherbaord cost. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recognizing Your Luggage When on a recent trip, I noticed one traveler attached a colorful nylon "scrubbie" to his luggage. Not only was it cute, but really stood out from the rest of us with ribbon attached to our luggage. The dollar store sells them and really makes it easy to identify your luggage. Happy traveling! By Tedebear from San Jose CA Excellent idea! I remember when I was the first one to use a bright red belt in the early 70's, and how colored belts become common in the 90's. So I switched to a bright red wheely. Well, by the mid 2000's those became very fashionable, so I painted a 4" wide, bright yellow stripe on all six sides. They have not copied that, yet. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing nobody around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts. Later, on his way home, he stopped at a pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. "What's that?" she asked. "Tennis ball," came the breathless reply. "Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful, I had tennis elbow once."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand - to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad." The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up. "You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked. "Exactly," replied the instructor. To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me."
Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving. In her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch. She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her concern. They advised Becky to just boil the sauce again and it should be fine. That night, the phone rang during dinner, and one of the guests volunteered to answer it. Becky's face dropped as the guest called out, "It's the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out."
» Human Planet

Today, May 2, in
1519 Leonardo da Vinci died.
1670 The Hudson Bay Company was founded by England's 
 King Charles II.
1776 France and Spain agreed to donate arms to American 
 rebels fighting the British.
1797 A mutiny in the British navy spread from Spithead 
 to the rest of the fleet.
1798 The black General Toussaint L’ouverture forced 
 British troops to agree to evacuate the port of 
 Santo Domingo.
1808 The citizens of Madrid rose up against Napoleon.
1813 Napoleon defeated a Russian and Prussian army at 
 Grossgorschen.
1863 Confederate Gen. Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson was 
 wounded by his own men in the battle of 
 Chancellorsville, VA. He died 8 days later.
1865 U.S. President Andrew Johnson offered $100,000 reward 
 for the capture of Confederate President Jefferson Davis.
1887 Hannibal W. Goodwin applied for a patent on celluloid 
 photographic film. This is the film from which movies 
 are shown.
1902 "A Trip to the Moon," the first science fiction film 
 was released. It was created by magician George Melies.
1919 The first U.S. air passenger service started.
1926 U.S. Marines landed in Nicaragua to put down a revolt 
 and to protect U.S. interests, did not depart until 1933.
1933 Hitler banned trade unions in Germany.
1941 Hostilities broke out between British forces in Iraq 
 and that country’s pro-German faction.
1945 Russians took Berlin after 12 days of fierce 
 house-to-house fighting. The Allies announced the surrender 
 of Nazi troops in Italy and parts of Austria.
1946 Prisoners revolted at California's Alcatraz prison.
1960 Caryl Chessman was executed. He was a convicted sex 
 offender and had become a best selling author while on 
 death row.
1965 The "Early Bird" satellite was used to transmit 
 television pictures across the Atlantic.
1970 Student anti-war protesters at Ohio's Kent State 
 University burn down the campus ROTC building. The 
 National Guard took control of the campus.
1974 The filming of "Jaws" began in Martha's Vineyard, MA.
1982 The British submarine HMS Conqueror sank Argentina's 
 only cruiser, the General Belgrano during the Falkland 
 Islands War. More than 350 people died.
2002 It was reported that Phyllis Diller had retired 
 from touring.
2013  smiled


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No sound from earphones 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, May 1

Half the snow has melted. 
Ignoring the hype and just considering facts, this winter's
total average was half a degree Celsius colder than average
winters. Last time we had that, we had a really nice summer.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Americans are benevolently ignorant about Canada, while Canadians are malevolently well informed about the United States. --- J. Bartlett Brebner When a thing ceases to be a subject of controversy, it ceases to be a subject of interest. --- William Hazlitt (1778 - 1830)
A man phoned his doctor late at night saying his wife appeared to have appendicitis. "That's impossible," the physician replied, peeved at being woken up. "She had an appendectomy six years ago. Dont be stupid. Have you ever seen anybody with a second appendix?" "No," the husband replied. "However, have you never seen anybody marrying again after a divorce?"
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!

>Thanks to Lynn for this: One of my most difficult jobs as a flight attendant is to enforce rules while keeping customers happy. The electronic equipment that comes on board creates the biggest challenge. I walk the aisle asking passengers to turn off computers, electronic games and cell phones, which can create inter- ference in communications between the pilot and the air traffic control tower. During one landing, a man persistently kept his cell phone at his ear. I confronted him and said, "Sir, you cannot talk on your phone until we reach the gate." "I am not talking," he replied. "My wife is. I'm just listening. I can't get her to stop." So I grabbed his phone and showed him how to stop her, and told him, he can get it back when he exits the plane.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Cara Alexander, 27, Newport News, VA Teacher jailed for Sexting With Student Reported by The Weekly Vice Cara Alexander, a 27-year-old English teacher at Woodside High School, was jailed Friday after she allegedly sent nude pictures to and engaged in an inappropriate relationship with a student. According to Newport News Police, an investigation was launched after the parents of a 17-year-student found nude photographs of Alexander on their son's cell phone and discovered evidence that she was having an inappropriate relationship with him. Investigators say Alexander was the student's teacher before he changed schools recently. No inappropriate physical encounters are believed to have occurred on the school campus. School administrators are preparing to terminate Alexander's employment at the school, according to the district superintendent. Alexander was booked into the Newport News City Jail and charged with 6 felony counts of using a communications system to facilitate certain offenses involving children, six counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor and 1 felony count of taking indecent liberties with a minor. Tech Support Pits From: Nancy Re: No sound in earphones Hey Webby, Wondered if you could help me. I purchased a set of headphones to plug into my Dell laptop so I could listen to music or watch a DVD without disturbing my husband. BUT, I can't seem to get the headphones to work! I am unable to get any sound out of them. Any thoughts? Nancy Dear Nancy Try the other two of the 3 similar looking sockets with mysterious and hard to see symbols. If you have the machine connected to external speakers, unplug those and plug the headphones into that socket. If you have sound coming from the internal squeakers, that internal squeaker sound will instantly stop, when you have found the right socket. If it doesn't, then call Dell about warranty. If the squeaker sound stops when you have found the right socket, but there is no sound in the headphones, then return the headphones and get different ones. That headphone / external speaker socket is the most fragile part on a laptop. It has a little leaf spring in it, that disconnects the internal squeakers, when external speakers or headphones are plugged in. Because the plugs stick out awkwardly, a lot of undue force gets put on that tiny little spring and the socket, and problems have to be expected. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Repelling Insects in Cabinets Sprinkle a little borax around the corners of your cabinets in your kitchen and bath to repel insects. By Robin Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" "Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that darn thing on the phone, I'm lost! and need directions!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"Grandpa, I'm really proud of you," said the modish young lady. "What's to be proud of?" asked the old man. The young lady replied, "I noticed that when you sneeze, you've learned to put your hand in front of your mouth, you never used to." "Of course," explained Grandpa. "How else can I catch my teeth?"
Schwartz goes to see his Rabbi. He says, "Rabbi, I think my wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi says, "I'll tell you what...let me talk to her. I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know." A week later the Rabbi calls Schwartz and says, "I spoke to your wife on the phone for four hours. Well, actually, she spoke for four hours, while I near the phone was..." Schwartz says, "Do you have any advice?" The Rabbi says, "Yeah. Take the poison...."
Dear Webby I finally decided to get the MailWasher from the left side. Should have listened to your advice a lot sooner. It saved me over an hour every day so far, and sorts the mail more accurately than I can by hand. Thanks! Gilbert
» Ingenious Business Card Designs

Today, May 1, in
0408 Theodosius II succeeded to the throne of Constantinople.
1308 King Albert was murdered by his nephew John, because 
 he refused his share of the Habsburg lands.
1486 Christopher Columbus convinced Queen Isabella to fund 
 an expedition to the West Indies.
1707 England, Wales and Scotland were united to form 
 Great Britain.
1805 The state of Virginia passed a law requiring all 
 freed slaves to leave the state, or risk either 
 imprisonment or deportation.
1884 The construction of the first American 10-story 
 building began in Chicago, IL.
1898 The U.S. Navy under Dewey defeated the Spanish fleet 
 at Manila Bay in the Philippines.
1905 In New York, radium was tested as a cure for cancer.
1915 A German submarine sank the U.S. ship Gulflight.
1927 Adolf Hitler held his first Nazi meeting in Berlin.
1931 The Empire State Building in New York was dedicated 
 and opened. It was 102 stories tall and was the tallest 
 building in the world at the time.
1937 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed an act 
 of neutrality, keeping the United States out of World War II.
1944 The Messerschmitt Me 262, the first combat jet, 
 made its first flight.
1945 Martin Bormann, private secretary to Adolf Hitler, 
 escaped from the Fuehrerbunker as the Red Army advanced 
 on Berlin.
1945 Admiral Karl Doenitz succeeded Hitler as leader of 
 the Third Reich.
1948 The People's Democratic Republic of Korea 
 (North Korea) was proclaimed.
1958 James Van Allen reported that two radiation belts 
 encircled Earth.
1960 Francis Gary Powers' U-2 spy plane was shot down 
 over the Soviet Union. Powers was taken prisoner.
1961 Fidel Castro announced there would be no more elections 
 in Cuba.
1968 In the second day of battle, U.S. Marines, with the 
 support of naval fire, continue their attack on a 
 North Vietnamese Division at Dai Do.
1970 Students at Kent State University riot in downtown 
 Kent, OH, in protest of the American invasion of Cambodia.
1971 The National Railroad Passenger Corp. (Amtrak) went 
 into service. It was established by the U.S. Congress to 
 run the nation's intercity railroads.
1981 The Japanese government announced that it would limit 
 passenger car exports to the United States over the next 
 three years.
1986 The Tass News Agency reported the Chernobyl nuclear 
 power plant accident.
1986 Bill Elliott set a stock car speed record with his Ford 
 Thunderbird in Talladega, AL. Elliott reached a speed of 
 212.229 mph.
1992 On the third day of the Los Angeles riots resulting 
 from the Rodney King beating trial. King appeared in public 
 to appeal for calm, he asked, "Can we all get along?"
2001 Chandra Levy was last seen in Washington, DC. Her remains 
 were found in Rock Creek Park on May 22, 2002. California 
 Congressman Gary Condit was questioned in the case due to 
 his relationship with Levy.
2011 U.S. President Barack Obama announced that U.S. soldiers 
 had killed Osama bin Laden in Pakistan.
2013  smiled


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CrapCleaner Answers 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, April 30.
Fresh snow again, not much, though, just 5 - 6 inches.
However, it has not stopped snowing yet.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe No human thing is of serious importance. --- Plato --------------- Seems to me, his wife loudly disagreed with that.
Lost in Translation A Londoner wound up a business trip to the Orient with a visit to Taipei. At a luncheon he was asked to say a few words. Since he spoke not a word of Chinese, his address was to be translated by an interpreter sentence by sentence. "Well," he began, "I just want you to know that I'm tickled to death to be here." A look of agony appeared on the interpreter's face. "This poor man," he said in halting Chinese, "scratches himself until he dies, only to be with you."
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Thanks to Martin for this story: "Birds and Bees" A father asks his 10-year-old son if he knows About the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" the child says, bursting Into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me!" Confused, the father asks what's wrong. "Oh, dad," the boy sobs. "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Santa Speech.' "At seven, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' Speech.' "When I was eight, you hit me with the ' There's no tooth fairy' speech. "If you're going to tell me that grown ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."
Click on the picture for the large version Bigamy
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David Smith, 38, Oklahoma City, OK Jailed After Setting His Father On Fire After Father Complained About Loud Music Reported by The Weekly Vice David Smith, a 38-year-old Oklahoma man, has jailed Monday after he allegedly set his father on fire during an argument over loud music. According to Oklahoma City Police, Smith was sitting on his bedroom floor listening to music when his father walked in and asked him to turn the music down. Instead, Smith turned the music up, which sparked an argument between the two men. In retaliation, Smith grabbed a can of gasoline from the kitchen, poured it on his father, then used a cigarette to set him on fire. The father and a woman living at the residence put out the flames while Smith fled the scene. The victim was rushed to an area hospital where he was treated for burns to his chest, legs and face. Police located Smith walking down a street wearing a necklace made out of prescription pills. He did not have a prescription for the pills. He was booked into the Oklahoma County Jail and charged with attempted murder, first-degree arson and possession of a controlled substance without a prescription. Tech Support Pits From: Ann Re: CrapCleaner Dear Webby I have been using Ccleaner and just love it, Is there a way I can set it to run automatically??? I have it set to start when the pc starts, but for some reason, it doesn't clean, and also doesn't get into the bottom right side of the toolbar Thanks Ann Dear Ann It's best to run CrapCleaner before shutting down, or whenever your memory gets too bunged up. A Windows start-up is like the proverbial "Chinese Fire Drill" and it's best not to add anything to that. The reason you don't see CrapCleaner at the bottom right side of the toolbar, where the running programs are, is because once CrapCleaner has done it's chores, it politely exits and goes away. It does not use up any resources while it waits for the next time you need it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Using a Back Scratcher to Retrieve Dropped Items I am not able to get down on my knees to retrieve something I dropped if it has ended up too far to just bend over and pick up. So one day I used my new back scratcher to bring the item closer to me. This worked so well that now I keep a back scratcher by my desk here all the time and it has saved me so much aggravation. By Peggy B from Philadelphia, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their commode. Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy was out. He left to take care of another matter before she returned. She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the commode. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the commode seat. About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament. They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, In desperation, Charlie undid the commode seat bolts. Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her to the Hospital Emergency Room. The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her. Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before". The Doctor replied "Actually, I've seen a lot of them. I just never saw one FRAMED before
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning til night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot. One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot. At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men. The old farmer said, "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement." "And what about the men?" the minister asked. "They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."
A man was on Regent Street in London and entered a very posh gourmet food shop. A salesperson in a morning coat with tails approached and politely asked, "May I help to you, sir?" "Yes," replied the customer, "I would like to buy a pound of lox." "No, no," responded the dignified salesperson, "you mean 'smoked salmon'." "Okay, a pound of smoked salmon." "Anything else?" "Yes, a dozen blintzes." "No, no. You mean 'crepes'." "Okay, a dozen crepes." "Anything else?" "Yes, A pound of chopped liver." "No, no. You mean 'pate'." "Okay," said the Jewish patron, "a pound of pate, and I'd like you to deliver this Saturday morning." "Sir," said the indignant salesperson, "we don't schlep chazzerai on Shabbos."
» Collage Collective:

Today, April 30, in
0030 Jesus of Nazareth was crucified.
0313 Licinius unified the whole of the eastern empire under 
 his own rule.
1250 King Louis IX of France was ransomed for one million 
 dollars.
1527 Henry VIII and King Francis of France signed the 
 treaty of Westminster.
1725 Spain withdrew from Quadruple Alliance.
1789 George Washington took office as first elected 
 U.S. president.
1803 The U.S. purchased the Louisiana Territory from 
 France for $15 million.
1849 The republican patriot and guerrilla leader Giuseppe 
 Garabaldi repulsed a French attack on Rome.
1864 Work began on the Dams along the Red River. The work 
 would allow Union General Nathaniel Banks' troops to sail 
 over the rapids above Alexandria, Louisiana.
1900 Hawaii was organized as an official U.S. territory.
1900 Casey Jones was killed while trying to save the 
 runaway train "Cannonball Express."
1930 The Soviet Union proposed a military alliance with 
 France and Great Britain.
1939 The first railroad car equipped with fluorescent lights 
 was put into service. The train car was known as the 
 "General Pershing Zephyr."
1943 The British submarine HMS Seraph dropped 'the man who 
 never was,' a dead man the British planted with false 
 invasion plans, into the Mediterranean off the coast of Spain.
1945 Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun died. They had  been married 
 for one day. One week later Germany surrendered unconditionally.
1947 The name of Boulder Dam, in Nevada, was changed back to 
 Hoover Dam.
1968 U.S. Marines attacked a division of North Vietnamese 
 in the village of Dai Do.
1970 U.S. troops invaded Cambodia to disrupt North Vietnamese 
 Army base areas. The announcement by U.S. President Nixon 
 led to widespread protests.
1972 The North Vietnamese launched an invasion of the South.
1975 Communists North Vietnamese troops entered the 
 Independence Palace of South Vietnam in Saigon. 
 11 Marines lifted off of the U.S. Embassy were the last 
 soldiers to evacuate.
1980 Terrorists seized the Iranian Embassy in London.
1984 U.S. President Reagan signed cultural and scientific 
 agreements with China. He also signed a tax accord that 
 would make it easier for American companies to operate 
 in China.
1991 An estimated 125,000 people were killed in a cyclone 
 that hit Bangladesh.
1998 NATO was expanded to include Poland, Hungary and the 
 Czech Republic. The three nations were formally admitted 
 the following April at NATO's 50th anniversary summit.
2002 Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf was overwhelmingly 
 approved for another five years as president. 
2013  smiled


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Which laptop to buy now? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, April 29.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much. --- Donald H. Rumsfeld The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. -=- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, has been riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector. Finally, the conductor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up: "You've been on for five miles--that'll be 50p, please, and 10p for your suitcase." The Scotsman responds: "I ha'not, I want a ha'penny fare, just got on this vera moment." They begin to argue, and the ticket collector becomes more and more enraged and finally, as the bus is passing over London bridge, he grabs the Scotsman's suitcase, and hurls it out of the bus. It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, "Not only are ya trin' to overcharge me for the ticket -- but now you're gone 'n drowned me boy Jonny."
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!

Back during the days of the Soviet Union, it took 10 years to get a car after you paid for one. Once, a young guy went to the car dealership to order a car. He paid the money, and the asked when can he come and get the car. "It will be here, waiting for you, exactly 10 years from today". The man signed the papers, started waliking away and then stooped, turned and asked the salesman: "Wait, will it be ready at the morning or at the afternnon". "What difference does it make?", asked the salesman. "Well", answered the man, "the plumber is coming in the morning".
Click on the picture for the large version Sequoia National Park Sierra Nevada
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sara Elizabeth Soto, 25, Weatherford, Texas Jailed After Crawling Naked Through Couple's Doggy Door, Attempting To Find Phone In Their Bath Tub Reported by The Weekly Vice Sara Elizabeth Soto, a 25-year-old Texas woman, was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly crawled naked into a couple's home through a doggy door and was later found sitting in their bath tub. According to police, officers were dispatched to a Weatherford residence around 1:45 a.m. Tuesday morning after the homeowner called 911 to report that an unknown naked woman was sitting in his bath tub. Investigators say Soto removed the dress she was wearing so that she would be able to crawl through the couple's doggy door. The couple became alarmed when they thought they heard a noise in their kitchen. When the husband went to investigate, he found that the doggy door attachment had been damaged. Since the couple did not own a pet, the husband assumed that a wild animal had entered the residence. While going room to room to search for the animal, he discovered a naked Soto sitting in his bath tub. Arriving officers found Soto's black dress on the back porch and asked her to put it back on. During questioning, Soto stated that she had done nothing wrong and was merely trying to use the telephone. She was booked into the Parker County Jail and charged with criminal trespass and criminal mischief. Her bond has been set at $4,000. Tech Support Pits From: Lex Re: Which Laptop Dear Webby Thank you so much for you very informative as well as delightful newsletter. Please advise me as to what laptop I should invest in. I have a pc at home, but I will begin traveling with my job within the next two weeks, (for a week at a time) and want to continue my computer usage. My needs are rather basic such as sending email, research on the net, keeping records/notes, yahoo messenger to communicate with my friends and family while away and staying in hotels. I would appreciate you being very explicit as to what you think I should purchase since I am not very computer literate. Thanking you in advance for any help you might offer. An Avid Dear Webby reader Lex Dear Lex Avoid Windows 8. Even salesmen are reluctant to use it. You are limited to Windows 7 with 4 or 8 GB of RAM. Choose 8. The same yuppies, who buy gold plated cast iron wrist-watches, are paying premium prices for small and ligh-weight notebooks to show off at Starbucks. Laptops with larger displays gather dust at the dealers and are often surprisingly cheap. One thing to watch out for is the socket for a phone line. The liars at DELL claim that with everybody in China using WiFi, dial-up has gone out of fashion, and that you will just have to buy an external USB modem, if you want to fax or use dial-up. So, if the computer does not have that phone line socket, similar but smaller than the networking socket, tell them where to stuff it. Especially since they usually have no clue where to get an external USB modem, it is quite appropriate to get noisy about that. The only other consideration is warranty. Get three years of next business day on site warranty. Performance is irrelevant. If it can bring up Windows 7, it can handle anything that you might throw a t it. Compared to bringing up Windows 7, all your programs are totally negligible. Hard drive size is quite adequate nowadays. You probably have a 20 or 40 GB drive in your home desktop. If a laptop has 500 GB, that is plenty. Don't pay extra for a 1 TeraByte or 2 Terabyte drive. No matter what size drive you get, it will get filled to capacity in three years, if you don't weed it out now and then. Just get anything in the 50 - 500 Gb range and weed it out once a year. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Egg Carton for Painting Bolts My son, Chris, was spray-painting bolts for a project. They needed to be white on on the head and black on the nut end. He used an egg carton to hold them. It was easy to get good paint coverage and used less paint. Sally McQ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian. "What is it made of?" she asked. "Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied. "I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us." "Yes, brave Oyster Slayer, they sure do." he replied.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man was brought before the court on the charge of refusing to obey a police officer. "Why did you refuse to move on when asked to do so by the officer?" the judge inquired, obviously wondering what unexplained force could have given such a man strength to buck a strong minion of the law. "It's like this, your honor," he explained. "My wife said I was to meet her at exactly twelve noon at that spot - and I was forced to choose between man's law and wife's law."
A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was exhibiting an extraordinary performance. "This is a very smart dog," the man commented. "He's not so smart," said one of the irked players. "Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail."
» Chimney Rock

Today, April 29, in
1289 Qala'un, the Sultan of Egypt, captured Tripoli.
1429 Joan of Arc lead Orleans, France, to victory over Britain.
1661 The Chinese Ming dynasty occupied Taiwan.
1672 King Louis XIV of France invaded the Netherlands.
1813 Rubber was patented by J.F. Hummel.
1852 The first edition of Peter Roget's Thesaurus published.
1858 Austrian troops invaded Piedmont.
1862 New Orleans fell to Union forces during the Civil War.
1913 Gideon Sundback patented an all-purpose zipper.
1924 An open revolt broke out in Santa Clara, Cuba.
1927 Construction of the Spirit of St. Louis was 
 completed for Lindbergh.
1945 The German Army in Italy surrendered 
 unconditionally to the Allies.
1945 In a bunker in Berlin, Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun 
 were married. Hitler designated Admiral Karl Doenitz 
 his successor.
1946 Twenty-eight former Japanese leaders were indicted 
 in Tokyo as war criminals.
1974 U.S. President Nixon announced he was releasing 
 edited transcripts of secretly made White House tape 
 recordings related to the Watergate scandal.
1975 The U.S. embassy in Vietnam was evacuated as North 
 Vietnamese forces fought their way into Saigon.
1984 In California, the Diablo Canyon nuclear reactor 
 went online after a long delay due to protests.
1990 The destruction of the Berlin Wall began.
1992 Exxon executive Sidney Reso was kidnapped outside 
 his Morris Township, NJ, home by Arthur Seale. Seale 
 was a former Exxon security official. Reso died while 
 in captivity.
1992 Rioting began after a jury decision to acquit 
 four Los Angeles policemen in the Rodney King beating 
 trial. 54 people were killed in 3 days.
1994 Israel and the PLO signed an agreement in Paris which 
 granted Palestinians broad authority to set taxes, 
 control trade and regulate banks under self-rule in the 
 Gaza Strip and Jericho.
1998 The U.S., Canada and Mexico end tariffs on $1 billion 
 in NAFTA trade.
1998 Brazil announced a plan to protect a large area of 
 Amazon forest. The area was about the size of Colorado.
2009 NATO expelled two Russian diplomats from NATO 
 headquarters in Brussels over a spy scandal in Estonia. 
 Russia's Foreign Ministry criticized the expulsions. 
2013  smiled


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How to fix "MSIE needs to close" browser crashes? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, April 28.

We had a nice and rambunctious Chinook.
The snow is history, and the last of last fall's leaves
have departed for Toronto and thereabouts. Well, actually,
the leaves will be ground to powder and will fertilize 
the prairies, but Toronto and Chicago will be getting snow
or a lot of rain in about 5 - 6 days. 

Once the Chinook has gone across the prairies, they call 
it "The Alberta Clipper".

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I'm not sure I want popular opinion on my side -- I've noticed those with the most opinions often have the fewest facts. --- Bethania McKenstry You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not? --- George Bernard Shaw
A young boy was one of those little terrors who was hard to control. His father was surprised when his wife suggested that they buy him a bicycle for his birthday. He said, "Do you really believe that will improve his behavior?" She said, "Well, no, but it will spread it over a wider area."
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The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this!" he exclaimed. "I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the store looking at the dress on sale. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.'" "Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, "Get behind me, Satan!" "I did," replied his wife, "but then he said "It looks great from back here, too."
Click on the picture for the large version Sequoia National Park Sierra Nevada
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Stephanie Lopez, 23, Phoenix, AZ Jailed for Marijuana and pipe in her vagina Reported by The Weekly Vice Stephanie Anne Lopez, a 23-year-old Arizona woman, was jailed Saturday after she allegedly stashed marijuana and a glass pipe inside her vagina. According to Phoenix Police, an officer was on routine patrol early Saturday morning when he notice an odor of marijuana coming from a vehicle that was driving in front of him with the windows rolled down. The vehicle was also changing lanes erratically, so the officer initiated a traffic stop in a Burger King parking lot. When the officer approached the vehicle, the smell of marijuana became intense. The officer then spoke with the driver, 25-year-old Alberto Reyna, who admitted that he had a .380 handgun in his back pocket. The officer placed Reyna in handcuffs and seated him on the curb. The passenger, Stephanie Lopez, was also asked to sit on the curb next to Reyna while the officer searched the vehicle. That's when Stephanie Lopez reportedly blurted out that the marijuana the officer was looking for was hidden inside her vagina. The officer proceeded to search the vehicle, which turned up a loaded .45 handgun in the center console. Lopez told the officer that she hid the marijuana and glass pipe inside her vagina for her boyfriend. She was booked into jail and charged with possession of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia. Reyna was booked into jail and charged with possession of drug paraphernalia, drug violation and possession of a weapon during a drug offense. Tech Support Pits From: OP Re: MSIE needs to close Dear Webby as usual i have another problem. the message "internet explorer has encountered a problem and needs to close " pop's up at random and knocks me off the net. any suggestions? OP Dear OP That usually is a sign of bunged up memory. Run CrapCleaner and reboot. That should fix the problem for a week or so. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fragrant Bed Pillows I love it when the air around me smells fragrant. Here's a tip for good smelling bed linens. Find a fabric softener sheet whose scent you love, and cut it in half. Put one or both halves between the pillowcase and the bed pillow (one half on each side of the pillow). Every time you put your head on the pillow, you smell the fragrance just a little. It is not overwhelming. My guests often comment how nice it smells on the guest pillows. By Nicki from Warrensburg, MO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

A young couple came into the church office to fill out a pre-marriage questionnaire form. The young man, who had never talked to a pastor before, was quite nervous and the pastor tried to put him at ease. When they came to the question, "Are you entering this marriage of your own free will?" There was a long pause. Finally, the girl looked over at the apprehensive young man and said, "Put down 'yes.'"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines Flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's probably Sunday afternoon. If it's a Coast Guard aircraft it's two hours to Happy Hour. If it is a private airplane, it's around 3 PM."
A new bride moves into a small home on her husband's ranch. As she's putting her things away, she stores a shoebox on a shelf in her closet and asks her husband never to touch it. For 50 years, the man leaves the box alone. Then, as his wife is old and dying, he is putting their affairs in order and finds the box again. Opening it, he finds two doilies and $82,500 in cash. He takes the box to her and asks about the contents. "My mother gave me that box the day we married," she explains. "She told me to make a doily to help ease my frustrations every time I got mad enough at you, that I wanted to bash your head in." Her husband is touched that in 50 years she had been mad at him only twice. "But what's the $82,500 for?" he asks. "Oh, that's the money I made selling the doilies."
» Scrimshaw Art (c.1850's)

Today, April 27, in
0357 - Constantius II visited Rome for the first time.
1282 - Villagers in Palermo led a revolt against French rule 
 in Sicily.
1635 - Virginia Governor John Harvey was accused of treason 
 and removed from office.
1686 - The first volume of Isaac Newton's "Principia Mathamatic" 
 was published.
1789 - A mutiny on the British ship Bounty took place when a 
rebel crew took the ship and set sail to Pitcairn Island. 
The mutineers left Captain W. Bligh and 18 sailors adrift.
1818 - U.S. President James Monroe proclaimed naval disarmament 
 on the Great Lakes and Lake Champlain.
1896 - The Addressograph was patented by J.S. Duncan.
1902 - A revolution broke out in the Dominican Republic.
1910 - First night air flight was performed by Claude 
 Grahame-White in England.
1914 - W.H. Carrier patented the design of his air conditioner.
1916 - The British declared martial law throughout Ireland.
1919 - The League of Nations was founded.
1920 - Azerbaijan joined the USSR.
1932 - The yellow fever vaccine for humans was announced.
1937 - The first animated-cartoon electric sign was displayed 
 on a building on Broadway in New York City. It was created by 
 Douglas Leight.
1945 - Benito Mussolini and his mistress Clara Petacci were 
 executed by Italian partisans as they attempted to flee 
 the country.
1946 - The Allies indicted Tojo with 55 counts of war crimes.
1947 - Norwegian anthropologist Thor Heyerdahl and five others 
 set out in a balsa wood raft known as Kon Tiki to prove that 
 Peruvian Indians could have settled in Polynesia. The trip 
 began in Peru and took 101 days to complete the crossing of 
 the Pacific Ocean.
1952 - The U.S. occupation of Japan officially ended when a 
 treaty with the U.S. and 47 other countries went into effect.
1953 - French troops evacuated northern Laos.
1965 - The U.S. Army and Marines invaded the Dominican Republic 
 to evacuate Americans.
1967 - Muhammad Ali refused induction into the U.S. Army and 
 was stripped of boxing title. He cited religious grounds 
 for his refusal.
1969 - Charles de Gaulle resigned as president of France.
1974 - The last Americans were evacuated from Saigon.
1988 - In Maui, HI, one flight attendant was killed when the 
 fuselage of a Boeing 737 ripped open in mid-flight.
1989 - Mobil announced that they were divesting from South 
 Africa because congressional restrictions were too costly.
1994 - Former CIA official Aldrich Ames, who had given U.S. 
 secrets to the Soviet Union and then Russia, pled guilty to 
 espionage and tax evasion. He was sentenced to life in prison 
 without parole.
1996 - U.S. President Clinton gave a 4 1/2 hour videotaped 
 testimony as a defense witness in the criminal trial of his 
 former Whitewater business partners.
1997 - A worldwide treaty to ban chemical weapons took effect. 
 Russia and other countries such as Iraq and North Korea did 
 not sign.
2001 - A Russian rocket launched from Central Asia with the 
 first space tourist aboard. The crew consisted of California 
 businessman Dennis Tito and two cosmonauts. The destination 
 was the international space station. 
2013  smiled


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How to set the default picture viewer 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, April 27.

Thank you, Richard!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. --- Arthur C. Clarke (1917 - )
Udo to Ticket Agent: I want to buy a bus ticket for Norwald. Ticket Agent, Searching Book: Norwald? Let me find that. Hmm... never heard of it. Let me see... Norwald. I don't see Norwald listed, and I can't find it on the map. Just where is Norwald, anyway? Udo: Over there. He's my brother-in-law.
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One day a child at my four-year-old's preschool class told her classmates that she needed a 'damp towel.' Some of the other kids thought she said a naughty word and told on her. The teacher stepped in to explain, "If your mommy asked you to bring her a damp towel, what does she want?" A little girl blurted out, "She means she wants that towel right friggin' now!"
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Courtney Jarrell, 22, Riverton, Utah Jailed for Raping Female Student Reported by The Weekly Vice Courtney Jarrell, a 22-year-old math teacher and basketball coach at Riverton High School, has been jailed after she allegedly raped a female student. According to police, Jarrell engaged in illegal sexual activity with a 17-year-old female who also attends Riverton High School. The alleged sexual activity took place in February and March of this year and reportedly took place at Jarrell's home. In at last one instance, Jarrel forcibly raped the teen, according to charging documents. Jordan School District administrators placed Jarrel on leave last month when the allegations first surfaced. She resigned from the school on Friday, the same day she was charged. Jarrell was booked into jail and charged with felony counts of rape and forcible sexual abuse. She is scheduled to make her next court appearance on May 16. Tech Support Pits From: George Re: Default picture viewer Dear Webby, Is there any way I can get the Windows Picture and FAX Viewer to open images automatically instead of Microsoft Photo Editor when I click on Photos and Images? I can right click on the thumbnail and then choose the program, but that is an extra step and I want it automatic on left click! George Dear George While I would not use either of those programs myself, I use PSP, there is a way that you can tell Windows what program to use by default. Click on START, Control Panel Folder Options File Types In there find the icons for GIF, JPG, etc highlight them and click on CHANGE then select the Windows Picture and Fax viewer. Do that for all picture formats that you want to open automatically with that program. In Windows 7: Click on START, Control Panel Default Programs Associate a File Type Warning, unlike in XP, in Windows 7 that is going to take a while. Don't touch anything. Just go make some coffee. Eventually it will open and show you all the file types, and you can associate them with your choice of program. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fragrant Bed Pillows I love it when the air around me smells fragrant. Here's a tip for good smelling bed linens. Find a fabric softener sheet whose scent you love, and cut it in half. Put one or both halves between the pillowcase and the bed pillow (one half on each side of the pillow). Every time you put your head on the pillow, you smell the fragrance just a little. It is not overwhelming. My guests often comment how nice it smells on the guest pillows. By Nicki from Warrensburg, MO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

A woman, searching for a job, inquired about the benefits. The Personnel Manager informed her they had group health and life insurance, but the costs were deducted from the employee's pay. She said, "My last employer had full health coverage, as well as five years salary for life insurance and a month's sick leave AND they paid the full premiums." "I can't help but asking madam why you would leave a job with such benefits," the interviewer replied. The woman shrugged her shoulders and said, "The company went bankrupt."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Once upon a time a young lad was born without a belly button. In its place was a golden screw. All the doctors told his mother that there was nothing that they could do. Like it or not he was stuck with it. All the years of growing up was real tough on him, as all who saw the screw made fun of him. He avoided ever leaving his house and thus never made any friends. One day a mysterious stranger saw his belly and told him of a swami in Tibet that could get rid of the screw for him. He was thrilled. The next day he took all of his life's savings and bought a ticket to Nepal. After several days of climbing up steep cliffs, he came upon a giant monastery. The swami knew exactly why he had come. He was told to sleep in the highest tower of the monastery and the following day when he awoke, the screw would have been removed. The man immediately went to the room and fell asleep. During the night while he slept, a purple fog floated in an open window bearing in it's mist a golden screwdriver. In just moments, the screw-driver removed the screw and disappeared out of the window. The next morning when he woke, he saw the golden screw laying on the pillow next to him. Reaching down, he felt his navel, and there was no screw there! Jubilant, he leaped out of bed and his butt fell off.
» Fields of gold

Today, April 27, in
1296 The Scots were defeated by Edward I at Battle of Dunbar.
1509 Pope Julius II excommunicated the Italian state of Venice.
1521 Portuguese explorer Ferdinand Magellan was killed by 
 natives in the Philippines.
1565 The first Spanish settlement in Philippines was 
 established in Cebu City.
1805 A force led by U.S. Marines captured the city of Derna, 
 on the shores of Tripoli.
1813 Americans under Gen. Pike capture York (present day 
 Toronto) the seat of government in Ontario.
1861 U.S. President Lincoln suspended the writ of habeas 
 corpus.
1861 West Virginia seceded from Virginia after Virginia 
 seceded from the Union during the American Civil War.
1865 In the U.S. the Sultana exploded while carrying 
 2,300 Union POWs. Between 1,400 2,000 were killed.
1880 Francis Clarke and M.G. Foster patented the 
 electrical hearing aid.
1909 The sultan of Turkey, Abdul Hamid II, was overthrown.
1937 German bombers devastated Guernica, Spain.
1938 Geraldine Apponyi married King Zog of Albania. 
 She was the first American woman to become a queen.
1945 The Second Republic was founded in Austria.
1946 The SS African Star was placed in service. 
 It was the first commercial ship to be equipped 
 with radar.
1950 South Africa passed the Group Areas Act, which 
 formally segregated races.
1953 The U.S. offered $50,000 and political asylum 
 to any Communist pilot that delivered a MIG jet.
1965 "Pampers" were patented by R.C. Duncan.
1975 Saigon was encircled by North Vietnamese troops.
1978 Pro-Soviet Marxists seized control of Afghanistan.
1984 In London, Libyan gunmen left the Libyan Embassy 11 
 days after killing a policewoman and wounding 10 others.
1989 Student protestors took over Tiananmen Square in 
 Beijing.
1987 The U.S. Justice Department barred Austrian President 
 Kurt Waldheim from entering the U.S. He was accused of 
 aiding in the deportation and execution of thousands of 
 Jews and others as a German Army officer during WWII, 
 even though he was too young for that.
2005 The A380, the world's largest jetliner, completed 
 its maiden flight. The passenger capability was 840.
2006 In New York, NY, construction began on the 
 1,776-foot Freedom Tower on the site of former 
 World Trade Center. 
2013  smiled


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Auto-Play for XP 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, April 26.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Have FUN!
DearWebby


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The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. --- John F. Kennedy (1917 - 1963) A myth is a religion in which no one any longer believes. --- James Feibleman
>From Bob My mom is a less than fastidious housekeeper. One evening my dad returned home from work, walked into the kitchen and teased her, "You know, dear, I can write my name in the dust on the mantel." Mom turned to him and sweetly replied, "Yes, darling, I know. That's why I married a college graduate."
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>From a fisherman, who wants to remain anonymous There is no such thing as too much equipment. When in doubt, exaggerate. Everyone has a story about the one that got away. Fish always start to grow after they get away. Keep one eye on the bobbers at all times. The way to a fisherman's heart is through his fly. You never forget your first bite. A fishing line has a hook at one end and an optimist at the other. Life is a can of worms. The fishing is always better on the other side of the lake. When the going gets tough, the tough go fishing.
Click on the picture for the large version Ghetto Blaster
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Katrina Tisdale, 47, St. Petersburg, Floriduh Jailed for calling 911, Asking Police For Help Getting Refund From Her Drug Dealer Reported by The Smoking Gun After handing over her last $50 to a drug dealer for cocaine and marijuana, a Florida woman suffering from buyer’s remorse called 911 and asked cops for help in securing a refund. Katrina Tisdale, 47, explained to St. Petersburg police that she would be penniless until her next Social Security disability check arrived. Hence the pressing need to recover her $50 from the unnamed narcotics salesman. Despite Tisdale’s explanation for her two calls to 911 Monday evening, officers arrested her for misusing the police emergency system. Seen in the above mug shot, Tisdale was booked into the Pinellas County jail, where she is being held on $100 bond. According to jail records, Tisdale has been arrested many times over the past several years, including six arrests for cocaine possession. Tisdale was convicted in mid-2011 of calling 911 to falsely report that she had been robbed by her drug dealer. Since she apparently had already used the dope, that she wanted a refund for, she was not chraged for possession this time. Tech Support Pits From: Daniel Re: AutoPlay for Windows XP Dear Webby, will the advice you gave gary work with windoesxp sp2 ? i have the same problem. thanks, Daniel Dear Daniel No, for XP there is a different procedure. Enabling AutoPlay on a data and audio CD (Windows XP) Open My Computer or Explorer Highlight the CD-ROM drive, right click the CD-ROM drive and click properties. Click the AutoPlay tab. Within this section you will be able to specify all Windows AutoPlay features. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Money on Plants Save Money on PlantsPlants and shrubs for the garden seem to get more expensive every year. I use a little trick when I plant new items. Some plants that are bound together in pots can be separated and you can get two or sometime three plants from one pot. I use a small dry wall saw to saw all the way through the plant and plant it right away. This saw works better for me than a knife. I did this for several new plants and shrubs that I purchased this spring and am happy to say they are all doing great. By xintexas from San Antonio, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

A man was visiting his elderly neighbor and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The neighbor asked, "When did you bag him?" The old man said proudly, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife and her mother." "What's he stuffed with?" asked the neighbor. "Guess!" replied the old man
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
While the family was sitting around the dinner table, Jennifer, 5, turned to her brother Andy, 3, and pointed to her dad. "That's not your real father," she said, startling the whole family. "Yes, he is!" Andy replied. "No, he's not," Jennifer insisted. "God is your heavenly father." Then pointing at her dad, she said, "That's your homely father!"
So, .... Lack of gun stores causes cold weather, and cold weather causes gun related murders? Or is it the other way around?
» Scary Critters

Today, April 26, in
1514 Copernicus made his first observations of Saturn.
1607 The British established an American colony at Cape Henry, 
 Virginia. It was the first permanent English establishment 
 in the Western Hemisphere.
1865 John Wilkes Booth was killed by the U.S. Federal Cavalry.
1937 German planes attacked Guernica, Spain, during the 
 Spanish Civil War.
1968 Students seized the administration building at Ohio 
 State University.
1982 The British announced that Argentina had surrendered 
 on Falklands.
1986 The world’s worst nuclear disaster to date occurred at 
 Chernobyl, Ukraine. Thirty-one people died in the incident and 
 many more were exposed to radioactive material.
2002 In Erfurt, Germany, an expelled student killed 17 people 
 at his former school. The student then killed himself. 
2013  smiled


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Uploading pictures from a Hotel computer 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, April 25.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you'll grow out of it. --- Doris Day Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. --- Napoleon Bonaparte
While on a flight from New York, the Stewardess was busy passing out peanuts and cokes to everyone. There were about sixteen flights lined up waiting to get clearance to take off. Then the other Stewardess got a message from the Pilot that the tower said the wind had changed 180 degrees and they were first in line to take off, and to have everyone buckle up. Without thinking she just announced "Please buckle up, grab your drinks and hold your nuts, we're taking off".
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Speaking of nuts, .... Goadster, Buckethead, and Graahound were all locked away in the Armstrong Mental Institution for many many years. (Where they belonged, mind you.) One day, the head quack tells them that if they pass a test he wanted to administer to them, they'd be deemed mentally competent and free to leave the nut house. Should they fail, however, they'd be locked away for another five years of observation. All three took the doc up on his offer. The four of them went to the hospital's indoor pool. The pool was drained of water. The doctor leads the patients up to the diving platform. The doctor motions to Goadster. "Jump." Without hesitation, Goadster leaps off the platform, right into the pool, breaking both arms in the process. The doctor notes this on his clipboard and tells Buckethead, "Jump." Also without hesitation, Buckethead flies off the platform into the empty poll, breaking both of his legs. After noting the results on his clipboard, the doctor tells Graahound, "Jump." Graahound shakes his head. "Naw. I don't think so." The doctor notes this on his clipboard rather enthusiastically and says, "Congratulations, 'Hound. You're a free man. Just tell me one thing. Why didn't you jump?" "Easy," Graahound says, "I can't swim."
Click on the picture for the large version Milkyway over Cathedral Valley, Capital Reef National Park, Utah
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lynda Bernhisel, 21, Philadelphia, PA Jailed After Crushing Dog's Skull With Broom Handle and Failing To Show Up To Court On Child Abuse Charge Reported by The Weekly Vice Lynda Bernhisel, a 21-year-old Pennsylvania woman, was jailed Friday after she allegedly crushed a dog's skull with a broomstick after failing to show up to court for a child abuse charge. According to police, Bernhisel stirred up a confrontation with her neighbor by first insulting the neighbor's father-in-law who is dying of cancer. The neighbor, identified as Dana Cassidy, told police that Bernhisel frequently antagonized her, so when Bernhisel continued with the harassment she decided to stand her ground and argue back. That's when Bernhisel grabbed a wooden broomstick handle and began beating Cassidy's little dog with it. When Cassidy tried to intervene, Bernhisel allegedly struck her with the handle before continuing to beat the dog in the head. Investigators say Bernhisel struck the dog repeatedly until his skull was crushed in. When police arrived on the scene, the dog was dead due to his injuries and Cassidy was found with large lacerations to her arm and leg. Bernhisel was immediately taken into custody. Officers also learned that a warrant had been issued for Bernhisel's arrest after she failed to show up for court last August to answer a child abuse charge. Court records indicate Bernhisel was arrested in October 2011 after she was found sleeping with a male companion inside a restaurant at or near the Holiday Inn in Logan Township. The pair were unable to be aroused until police arrived on the scene and appeared disoriented when officers were finally able to get them to sit up. As the couple was being taken into custody, the male companion told officers that Bernhisel's baby had been left alone in a room at the hotel. Then, according to court records, Bernhisel reportedly failed to show up for a court ordered status hearing after a Gloucester County grand jury indicted her on the child abuse charge. Bernhisel was booked into jail on a new charges of animal cruelty and aggravated assault. Her bail has been set at $5,000. Tech Support Pits From: Dixie Re: Uploading pictures Dear Webby, Is there an easy way to upload pictures from a hotel lobby computer or cyber cafe, without having to install any programs first? I did get that $12 lexar chip reader that you recommended and it works fine at home. As soon I put the camera memory chip into it, Windows sees a new harddrive, the chip reader. Dixie Dear Dixie Don't try to use drobbox from a hotel lobby computer! Chances are that somebody already has done that, and now all camera uploads go straight to that account, as soon as you plug your camera. To UNlink that computer from a DropBox account, you need the user name and password of whoever set up that account, maybe years ago. If that account is set to delete the pictures from the camera after uploading, you loose them and won't know until it is too late! If you can't take a laptop along, get yourself some cheap web space. You can get a sub-directory like dixie.dawna.com for $2 a month. Then you can simply log on with an FTP program, and drag (copy) the pictures from the camera to your site. Then, when you get home again, you drag (copy) them from your site to your home computer. Nothing to it, and if you don't need your site any more until the next year, simply send an email to cansel it. Some places insist on a $10 minimum to try to cover set-up and billing cost, but with Webby, if you are a subscriber, you can get a single month for $2. There are no refunds, though, for unused portions of a month. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fabric Softener Tip: Add vinegar to rinse cycle instead of using fabric softener. Works great. Removes residue and odors. Also helps to keep washing machine and hoses fresh and clean too. Source: http://www.duggarfamily.com/recipes.html By Erin813 from Seffner, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

Thanks to Rick for this story: After four years of separation, my wife and I finally divorced amicably. I wanted to date again, but I had no idea of how to start, so I decided to look in the personals column of the local newspaper. After reading through all the listings, I circled three that seemed possible in terms of age and interest, but I put off calling them. Two days later, there was a message on my answering machine from my ex-wife . "I came over to your house to borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in the paper. Don't call the one in the second column. It's me. And the one in the third column is my mother."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A group of young medical students started their psychiatry rotation and were a little worried about what they would encounter, after hearing all the rumors from other students. On the first day, they went to the Psychiatric ward and were quite relieved when the Registrar, Dr. Nathaniel Bigelow, introduced himself and took the group into the teaching room. Dr. Bigelow told the medical students about all the patients on the ward, with precise details and complete information, and then entertained them with stories about staff members, who seemed to be even nuttier than the patients. Unfortunately, the worries of young medical students returned in an instant, when the real Registrar entered the teaching room and said, "Good morning, everyone. I am Doctor David Filmore. I see, you have met Bigelow, here. He has been one of our patients for quite some time, now."
Thanks to Michelle for this one: The garbage man came early today. I heard his truck from inside the house so I threw on my robe and ran outside to catch him. He was pulling away from the neighbors curb when he saw me running and waiving my arms. "Hey! Wait!" I yelled. "Am I too late?" He looked me up and down and said, "Nah, just jump right in."
» Too Cute!

Today, April 25, in
1590 The Sultan of Morocco launched his successful attack to capture 
 Timbuktu.
1644 The Ming Chongzhen emperor committed suicide by 
 hanging himself.
1684 A patent was granted for the thimble.
1707 At the Battle of Almansa, Franco-Spanish forces defeated 
 the Anglo-Portugese.
1792 The guillotine was first used to execute highwayman 
 Nicolas J. Pelletier.
1846 The Mexican-American War ignited as a result of disputes 
 over claims to Texas boundaries. The outcome of the war fixed 
 Texas' southern boundary at the Rio Grande River.
1859 Work began on the Suez Canal in Egypt.
1860 The first Japanese diplomats to visit a foreign power 
 reached Washington, DC. They remained in the U.S. capital for 
 several weeks while discussing expansion of trade with the 
 United States.
1862 Union Admiral Farragut occupied New Orleans, LA.
1867 Tokyo was opened for foreign trade.
1882 French commander Henri Riviere seized the citadel of Hanoi 
 in Indochina.
1898 The U.S. declared war on Spain. Spain had declared war on 
 the U.S. the day before.
1901 New York became the first state to require license plates 
 for cars. The fee was $1.
1915 During World War I, Australian and New Zealand troops 
 landed at Gallipoli in Turkey in hopes of attacking the 
 Central Powers from below. The attack was unsuccessful.
1926 In Iran, Reza Kahn was crowned Shah and choose the 
 name "Pehlevi."
1928 A seeing eye dog was used for the first time.
1945 U.S. and Soviet forces met at Torgau, Germany on 
 Elbe River.
1945 Delegates from about 50 countries met in San Francisco 
 to organize the United Nations.
1952 After a three-day fight against Chinese Communist Forces, 
 the Gloucestershire Regiment was annihilated on 
 "Gloucester Hill," in Korea.
1953 U.S. Senator Wayne Morse ended the longest speech in U.S. 
 Senate history. The speech on the Offshore Oil Bill lasted 22 
 hours and 26 minutes.
1953 Dr. James D. Watson and Dr. Francis H.C. Crick suggested 
 the double helix structure of DNA.
1957 Operations began at the first experimental sodium nuclear 
 reactor.
1959 St. Lawrence Seaway opened to shipping. The water way connects 
 the Great Lakes and the Atlantic Ocean.
1961 Robert Noyce was granted a patent for the integrated circuit.
1962 The U.S. spacecraft, Ranger, crashed on the Moon.
1967 Colorado Governor John Love signed the first law legalizing 
 abortion in the U.S. 
1971 The country of Bangladesh was established.
1974 Portuguese dictator Antonio Salazar was overthrown in a 
 military coup.
1980 In Iran, a commando mission to rescue hostages was aborted 
 after mechanical problems disabled three of the eight helicopters 
 involved. During the evacuation, a helicopter and a transport 
 plan collided and exploded. Eight U.S. servicemen were killed. 
 The mission was aimed at freeing American hostages that had been 
 taken at the U.S. embassy in Tehran on November 4, 1979. The 
 event took place April 24th Washington, DC, time.
1982 In accordance with Camp David agreements, Israel completed 
 its Sinai withdrawal.
1983 Soviet leader Yuri V. Andropov invited Samantha Smith to 
 visit his country after receiving a letter in which the U.S. 
 schoolgirl expressed fears about nuclear war.
1983 The Pioneer 10 spacecraft crossed Pluto's orbit, speeding on 
 its endless voyage through the Milky Way.
1984 In France, over one million people demonstrated to show they 
 favored the decentralization of education.
1987 In Washington, DC, 100,000 people protested the U.S. policy 
 in Central America.
1988 In Israel, John "Ivan the Terrible" Demjanuk was sentenced to 
 death as a Nazi war criminal.
1990 Sandinista rule ended in Nicaragua.
1990 The U.S. Hubble Space Telescope was placed into Earth's orbit. 
 It was released by the space shuttle Discovery.
1992 Islamic forces in Afghanistan took control of most of the capital 
 of Kabul following the collapse of the Communist government.
1996 The main assembly of the Palestine Liberation Organization voted 
 to revoke clauses in its charter that called for an armed struggle to 
 destroy Israel.
1998 U.S. first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was questioned by 
 Whitewater prosecutors on videotape about her work as a private 
 lawyer for the failed savings and loan at the center of the 
 investigation.
2003 Winnie Madikizela-Mandela, the anti-apartheid leader and 
 ex-wife of former President Nelson Mandela, was sentenced to 
 four years in prison for her conviction on fraud and theft charges. 
 She was convicted of 43 counts of fraud and 25 of theft of money 
 from a women's political league. 
2013  smiled


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How to get around the right-click block? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, April 24.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source. --- Ron Nesen If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you. --- Oscar Wilde
As a test pilot climbs out of an experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks "What happened?" The pilot replies, "I don't know, I just got here myself!" - Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?" The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Courtney Addington, 24, Sacramento, CA Jailed After Newborn Infant Found Stuffed In Garbage Bag Despite "Safely Surrendered Baby" Law Reported by The Weekly Vice Courtney Addington, a 24-year-old California woman, was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly delivered a live baby that was later found dead in a garbage bag under her bed. According to the Sacramento County Sheriff's Office, an investigation was launched in late January after Addington was admitted to Mercy General Hospital following complications arising from excessive bleeding from her vaginal area. Hospital staff determined during the examination that Addington had recently given birth, however Addington repeatedly denied birthing a child and insisted that she was suffering from irritable bowel syndrome. Hospital staff notified the Sacramento County Sheriff's Office who drove out to Addington's residence to have a look around. That's when deputies discovered a deceased newborn infant that had been stuffed into a garbage bag and hidden under a bed at the residence. Detectives searched Addington's cell phone and found online search phrases that included: "irritable bowel syndrome medication," "signs that your water is about to break," "what to expect in labor," and "how to stop loss of blood." As the investigation unfolded over the next few months, investigators determined that the baby girl, who is now named Hayden Elaine, was alive at the time of birth. Family members told detectives that they suspected Addington was pregnant, but she denied being pregnant and claimed she was suffering from IBS. Perhaps the saddest part of the case for investigators is the senseless death of a newborn child despite California's Safely Surrendered Baby Law which allows parents the freedom to surrender an unwanted newborn to the state within 72 hours of birth - no questioned asked. The provision was signed into law more than 7 years ago. Addington was booked into the Sacramento County Jail and charged with murder. A bond amount has not yet been set in the case. Tech Support Pits From: Babye Re: Right Click Block Dear Webby, I was wondering if you could give me instructions on disabling the right click ban on some sites. I like to save pictures to do as jigsaw puzzles and some sites give a pop up box that says 'right click disabled'. Thanks, Babye Dear Babye Quite often that copy protection is because somebody has bought the rights to use the pictures, but not the copy right, and they are required to protect them. There is nothing you can do about their copy protection. You CAN steal a screen shot by hitting PrintScreen or ALT PrintScreen, and then go into your graphics program and paste the screen shot into a new picture. Just don't get caught with stolen pictures on your site! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cover Patio Chair Arms I like to put those seat belt covers on the arms of the patio chairs. It is really soft and feels nice to lean on. By Robyn Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?" Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two men were shooting the breeze when one said his wife was driving him to drink. "You're lucky," the other replied. "Mine makes me walk."
A police car pulls up in front of grandma Cohen's house, and grandpa gets out. The polite policeman explained, "I came upon this elderly gentleman who said that he was lost in the park and couldn't find his way home. He did, however, know the address, and so here we are. Do you know this gentleman?" "Of course, officer! It's my Morris!", said grandma Cohen. Turning to grandpa, she said, "Morris ! You've been going to that park for over 30 years! How could you possibly get lost?" Leaning close, so that the policeman couldn't hear, grandpa whispered, "Shhhh I wasn't lost... I was just too tired to walk home."
» Body Painting

Today, April 24, in
1519 Envoys of Montezuma II attended the first Easter mass in 
 Central America.
1547 Charles V's troops defeated the Protestant League of 
 Schmalkalden at the battle of Muhlburg.
1558 Mary, Queen of Scotland, married the French dauphin, Francis.
1800 The Library of Congress was established with a $5,000 allocation.
1805 The U.S. Marines attacked and captured the town of Derna 
 in Tripoli (Libya).
1833 A patent was granted for first soda fountain.
1877 Russia declared war on the Ottoman Empire.
1877 In the U.S., federal troops were ordered out of New Orleans. 
 This was the end to the North's post-Civil War rule in the South.
1884 Otto von Bismarck cabled Cape Town that South Africa was 
 now a German colony.
1889 The Edison General Electric Company was organized.
1898 Spain declared war on the U.S., rejecting America's ultimatum 
 for Spain to withdraw from Cuba.
1915 During World War I, the Ottoman Turkish Empire began the mass 
 deportation of Armenians.
1916 Irish nationalists launched the Easter Rebellion against 
 British occupation forces. They were overtaken several days later.
1944 The first B-29 arrived in China, over the Hump of the Himalayas.
1948 The Berlin airlift began to relieve the surrounded Western 
 half of the city.
1961 U.S. President Kennedy accepted "sole responsibility" following 
 Bay of Pigs invasion of Cuba.
1962 MIT sent a TV signal by satellite for the first time.
1967 Soviet astronaut Vladimir Komarov died when his craft crashed 
 with a tangled parachute.
1967 The newest Greek regime banned miniskirts.
1970 The People's Republic of China launched its first satellite.
1973 Albert Sabin reported that herpesviruses were factors in 
 nine kinds of cancer.
1981 The IBM Personal Computer was introduced.
1989 Thousands of students began striking in Beijing.
1990 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off from Cape Canaveral, FL. 
 It was carrying the $1.5 billion Hubble Space Telescope.
1997 The U.S. Senate ratified the Chemical Weapons Convention. 
 The global treaty banned the development, production, storage 
 and use of chemical weapons.
2000 ABC-TV aired the TV movie "The Three Stooges." 
2013  smiled


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Shutter lag on digital cameras 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, April 23.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you stay in Beverly Hills too long you become a Mercedes. --- Robert Redford (1937 - ) The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one's real and one's declared aims, one turns as it were instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish spurting out ink. --- George Orwell (1903 - 1950) I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate. --- George Burns Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Thanks to Barb for this classic: Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!

A guy was in a supermarket when he noticed an old lady following him around. Whenever he stopped, she stopped, and she also kept staring at him. She finally overtook him just before the checkout where she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel uncomfortable - it's just that you look so much like my late son." "Oh, that's ok," he said. "I know it's silly," she continued, "but if you called out 'Goodbye, Mother' as I leave, it would make me ever so happy." The old lady proceeded through the checkout and as she left the supermarket, the man called out "Goodbye Mother." The old lady waved back, and kindly smiled. Pleased he had brought a bit of sunshine to someone's day, the man went to pay for his groceries. "That'll be 105 dollars," said the clerk. "How come?" inquired the man. "I've only bought a few things!" "Yeah, but your mother said you'd pay for hers."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Warren Kirchoff,63, Deltona, Floriduh Jailed After Striking Female Motorist Because She Passed Him On Road Reported by The Weekly Vice Warren Kirchoff, a 63-year-old Florida man, was jailed after he allegedly assaulted a female motorist because she passed him on a four lane road. According to the Volusia County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to the area of Howland Boulevard and Interstate 4 after a woman called 911 to report that she had just been assaulted by another motorist. Deputies arrived on the scene to find the alleged victim, Laura Reed, and Warren Kirchoff engaged in a heated argument on the side of the road. The officer noted that both parties had left their car doors open and Ms Reed appeared to be suffering a minor laceration to her face. When deputies interviewed Reed, she told them that she was driving to work at about 7:30 a.m. when she came upon a slow moving vehicle on Howland Blvd. She then passed the vehicle and proceeded on to a stop light a short distance farther. At the light, Kirchoff pulled up next to her, got out of his vehicle and approached her driver's side window. When Reed rolled down her window to talk to Kirchoff, he allegedly struck her in the face. That's when Reed got out of her vehicle to confront Kirchoff. Kirchoff told deputies that Reed's driving caused him to slam on his brakes, and his wife struck her head on the car's interior as a result. He reportedly did not dispute striking Reed. He was booked into the Volusia County Jail and charged with burglary and assault/battery. Tech Support Pits From: Art Re: Shutter Delay Dear Webby, My digital camera, a fairly expensive Kodak, has this very annoying delay between clicking a picture and it actually taking it. It seems totally useless for action shots. Am I doing something wrong? Art Dear Art All digital cameras have SOME shutter delay. However, just like a Porsche takes off a lot faster than a farm tractor that costs exactly the same amount of money, there is a very noticeable difference between different cameras. The quick action on my good old Canon Powershot 2S-IS was one of the major reasons for selecting it. I still miss that camera! Unfortunately the zoom screw went bad a few years ago, a common and unfixable malady of the "IS" cameras. Also, keep in mind, cameras with a tiny lens have only one or very few lens settings. Like a pinhole camera, one setting is good enough. With larger lenses everything has to be set up precisely. You might even feel and hear the lenses and the mirror clanking back and forth until everything is perfect. When I need absolutely instant action, I line up an approximate shot and depress the shutter half way, to lock in the settings. Then when the bird is in the zoom center, I sqeeze the shutter all the way down and the picture is perfect. With cameras, that have a slower computer, you have to lead the same way as with a shotgun, and click before the action happens. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dig Up Saplings - Ask First If you are in the market for trees and can identify the different varieties easily, go to a wooded area (if you have one near) and transplant some saplings into your landscaping. Most landowners won't mind if you ask them. By mc2grants Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

One evening, a wife drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?" "I would love to," replied the husband, "but I don't know her that well."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One weekend my friend, a nurse, was looking after her six year old nephew when he fell off a playground slide and hit his head. Worried that he might have a concussion, she checked him all night. Every hour, she'd gently shake him and ask, "What's your name?" Soon, he began moaning in protest each time she entered the room. When she went in at 5 A.M., she found something white on his forehead. Leaning close, she saw a crayon-scrawled message taped to his forehead. It read, "My name is Daniel." --------------------- They usually just do that with serious head injuries and brain surgery, but some nurses can get quite carried away. I remember one who insisted on writing her name and the time of each check onto the sole of my right foot with a fine point ball pen. And when she ran out of space, she continued on my left foot. I tell ya, that can wake a guy out of the most cozy coma!
Brian/College Station's worst disaster occurred when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two Texas A&M students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today. Search and Rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening. The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts.
» Sweetest Squirrel

Today, April 23, in
1348 The first English order of knighthood was founded. It 
 was the Order of the Garter.
1500 Pedro Cabal claimed Brazil for Portugal.
1521 The Comuneros were crushed by royalist troops in Spain.
1759 The British seized Basse-Terre and Guadeloupe in the 
 Antilies from France.
1826 Missolonghi fell to Egyptian forces.
1861 Arkansas troops seized Fort Smith.
1895 Russia, France, and Germany forced Japan to return the 
 Liaodong peninsula to China.
1896 The Vitascope system for projecting movies onto a screen 
 was demonstrated in New York City.
1900 The word "hillbilly" was first used in print in an 
 article in the "New York Journal." It was spelled 
 "Hill-Billie".
1940 About 200 people died in a dance-hall fire in Natchez, MS.
1945 The Soviet Army entered Berlin.
1950 Chaing evacuated Hainan, leaving mainland China to 
 Mao and the communists.
1951 The Associated Press began use of the new service 
 of teletype setting.
1967 The Soyuz 1 was launched by Russia.
1971 The Soyuz 10 was launched.
1982 The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that 
 consumer prices declined the previous month (March). 
 It was the first decline in almost 17 years.
1985 The Coca-Cola Company announced that it was changing 
 its 99-year-old secret formula. New Coke was not successful, 
 which resulted in the resumption of selling the original 
 version.
1988 A U.S. federal law took effect that banned smoking on 
 flights that were under two hours.
1988 In Martinez, CA, a drain valve was left open at the 
 Shell Marsh. More than 10,000 barrels of oil poured into 
 the marsh adjoining Peyton Slough.
1996 A New York civil-court jury ordered Bernhard Goetz to 
 pay $43 million to Darrell Cabey. Cabey was paralyzed when 
 he was shot in subway car in 1984.
1996 An auction of the late Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis' 
 possessions began at Sotheby's in New York City.
1997 An infertility doctor in California announced that a 
 63-year-old woman had given birth in late 1996. The child 
 was from a donor egg. The woman is the oldest known woman 
 to give birth.
2004 U.S. President George W. Bush eased sanctions against 
 Libya in return for Moammar Gadhafi's agreement to give up 
 weapons of mass destruction.
2005 The first video was uploaded to YouTube.com.
2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 1 billion applications 
downloaded. 
2013  smiled


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Hot to filter out Japanese spam? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, April 22.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. --- Jerome K. Jerome (1859 - 1927) Liberals are very broadminded: As long as somebody else is paying for it, they are always willing to give lots of careful consideration and deliberation to both sides of the their side. --- Socratex
It has to be confessed that the minister was rather long-winded. During his sermon a young wife of the congregation remembered that she had left the Sunday dinner in the gas range without turning down the flame. She hastily wrote a note and slipped it to her husband, who was an usher. He, thinking it was for the minister, calmly walked up and laid it on the pulpit. The minister paused, took the note with a smile, which turned into a terrific frown as he read: "Please hurry home and shut off the gas."
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The policeman was walking his beat when he saw two men fighting and a little boy standing alongside them crying, "Daddy, Daddy!" The officer pulled the two men apart and, turning to the boy, asked, "Which one is your father, lad?" "I don't know," the boy said, rubbing tears from his eyes. "They are fighting about which one isn't!"
Click on the picture for the large version I got MY seat. They can start now.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Corey Starks, 38, Port orford, Oregon Jailed for Burying Father Under Motor Home So He Could Collect Father's Social Security Checks Reported by The Weekly Vice Corey Theodore Starks, a 38-year-old Port Orford man, was jailed after he allegedly buried his father under a trailer, then continued to collect his social security checks. According to police, an investigation was launched after authorities found the bones of an elderly man who became deceased three years ago and was then buried under his own motor home. The victim's son, Corey Starks, later admitted to burying his father under the trailer because he was unemployed and wanted to collect his father's social security checks. Starks reportedly collected more than $50,000 in benefits checks before the scam was finally uncovered. Investigators say 74-year-old Charles Starks' remains were found at the Anchor Inn RV park in Port Orford where he lived from 2009 to 2010. The body was discovered when the lot owner thought the trailer had been abandoned and was in the process of having it removed. Corey Starks claims his father died of natural causes, however at least one witness in the case told detectives that she believes Corey Starks killed his father. Charles Starks remains were sent to Eugene, Oregon for autopsy and reconstruction. The official cause has not yet been determined. Starks was booked into jail and charged with second-degree abuse of a corpse. The case is still under investigation and further charges may be pending, including the fraud charges. Tech Support Pits From: Gina Re: Japanese spam Dear Webby, Lately I am getting a lot of Japanese spam in my Gmail. Yes, I know, MailWasher can get rid of it, but I want to be able to filter it out right on Gmail (at work, where I don't have MailWasher). Is there a way to do it, like I do on MailWasher at howm? Gina Dear Gina Unfortunately the geniuses behind Gmail are able to identify the language and offer to translate, but they don't offer to filter all mails in that language. Until they do, you have to make a rude and crude filter like this: Look at some of those Japanese spams, and copy Start making a filter, and into the field for Has the words paste the what you see at http://webby.com/humor/JapaneseFilter.html I am not putting the contents of that in here, otherwise it will dump the Humor Letter for people, who use MailWasher and already use an advanced version of that filter. You won't have to type Japanese characters, just highlight what you see on that page, copy it, then paste it into the Has the words field. Tell it to dump the ones found into the trash. Checkmark to apply to all the ones found. You may have to click on the magnifying glass to test, and then plull down the tiny arrow for more, and in that return to making your filter. Yeah, I know, that part is a bit klutzy, and may cause you to cuss a bit, but it IS there at the top of the search results. Gmail's filters are rather primitive compared to MailWasher, but you CAN get them to work. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Soak Off Jar Labels In my quest to reclaim a Mason jar (specifically Classico pasta sauce jars) I needed to soak off the labels. I submerged the jars in hot water and let them sit until the paper was easy to pull off. The best part with the Classico jars is that the glue they use is also water soluble! So I was able to remove the glue with hot soapy water. With other jar, I removed the glue with Goo Gone and a paper towel. I was amazed at how well this worked! By Laurel from Port Orchard, WA A faster and easier way is to use your steam iron set to max. Squirt the corner of a label and lift it up with some tweezers, keep squirting and gently pulling with the tweezers. This trick works fine even with labels on Ziplock baggies. Do NOT try to pull the labels with your fingers. You are bound to squirt them with steam. That usually causes some cussing. Do NOT leave a phone nearby. I heard that pressing the hot iron onto your ear upon hearing the phone ring also causes cussing. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

A wealthy contractor liked to know something about all the employees who worked for him. One day he came upon a young man who was expertly counting out a large wad of the firm's cash. The contractor asked the man, "Where did you get your financial training, young man?" "Yale," the man answered. "That's good," said the contractor, who was an advocate of higher learning. "What's your name?" he asked. The man answered, "Yonnie Yackson."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that." The student looked up and replied, "Well, looks like they were right!"
Joan, who was rather well-proportioned, spent almost all of the day sunbathing on the roof of her hotel, while her hubby attended some conference. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The hotel doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday." "What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel." "Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."
» Gprgeous Gorges

Today, April 22, in
1500 Portuguese navigator Pedro Alvares Cabral discovered Brazil.
1509 Henry VIII ascended to the throne of England upon the 
 death of his father Henry VII.
1529 Spain and Portugal divided the eastern hemisphere in 
 Treaty of Saragosa.
1745 The Peace of Fussen was signed, restoring the status quo 
 of Germany.
1792 U.S. President George Washington proclaimed American 
 neutrality in the war in Europe.
1861 Robert E. Lee was named commander of Virginia forces.
1864 The U.S. Congress mandated that all coins minted as 
 U.S. currency bear the inscription "In God We Trust".
1889 At noon, the Oklahoma land rush officially started as 
 thousands of Americans raced for new, unclaimed land.
1898 The first shot of the Spanish-American war occurred 
 when the USS Nashville captured a Spanish merchant ship.
1918 British naval forces attempted to sink block-ships 
 in the German U-boat bases at the Battle of Zeeburgge.
1930 The U.S., Britain and Japan signed the London Naval 
 Treaty, which regulated submarine warfare and limited 
 shipbuilding.
1931 James G. Ray landed an autogyro on the lawn of 
 the White House.
1944 During World War II, the Allies launched a major 
 attack against the Japanese in Hollandia, New Guinea.
1952 An atomic test conducted in Nevada was the first 
 nuclear explosion shown on live network television.
1987 The American Physical Society said that the "Star Wars" 
 missile system was "highly questionable" and would take ten 
 years to research.
1997 In Lima, Peru government commandos storm and capture 
 the residence of the Japanese ambassador ending a 126-day hostage 
 crisis. In the rescue 71 hostages were saved. Those killed: one 
 hostage (of a heart attack), two soldiers, and all 14 rebels.
2002 Filippino President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo ordered a 
 state of emergency in the city of General Santos in response 
 to a series of bombing attacks the day before. The attacks 
 were blamed on Muslim extremists. 
2013  smiled


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How to enable Auto-Play on Windows 7 ? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, April 21.
Large snow flakes slowly falling and a fairly thick fog
are causing a Christmassy feeling. and a feeling, that a
snow blower would be much handier than my lawn mower.

I am wondering, though, if I put chains on it, if I could
use it as a snow blower. The drive wheels are so worn, that
they need some help like that anyway. Hmmmmm ....


Thank you, Carol!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Beware of the young doctor and the old barber. --- Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)
A widow recently married to a widower was accosted by a friend who laughingly remarked, "I suppose, like all men who have been married before, your husband sometimes talks about his first wife?" "Oh, not any more, he doesn't," the other replied. "What stopped him?" "I started talking about my next husband."
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!

Little Johnny farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out. He goes and sits outside the school and can't stop laughing. The principal walks by and sees him sitting outside laughing. He says, "Little Johnny what are you doing sitting here laughing?" Little Johnny says, "I farted in class and the teacher threw me out." The principle says, "Well then, why are you laughing?" Little Johnny says, "Cause the teacher is sitting in the classroom, smelling my fart, while I'm having a smoke here in the sunshine in this beautiful, clean air."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Corey Starks, 38, Port orford, Oregon Jailed for Burying Father Under Motor Home So He Could Collect Father's Social Security Checks Reported by The Weekly Vice Corey Theodore Starks, a 38-year-old Port Orford man, was jailed after he allegedly buried his father under a trailer, then continued to collect his social security checks. According to police, an investigation was launched after authorities found the bones of an elderly man who became deceased three years ago and was then buried under his own motor home. The victim's son, Corey Starks, later admitted to burying his father under the trailer because he was unemployed and wanted to collect his father's social security checks. Starks reportedly collected more than $50,000 in benefits checks before the scam was finally uncovered. Investigators say 74-year-old Charles Starks' remains were found at the Anchor Inn RV park in Port Orford where he lived from 2009 to 2010. The body was discovered when the lot owner thought the trailer had been abandoned and was in the process of having it removed. Corey Starks claims his father died of natural causes, however at least one witness in the case told detectives that she believes Corey Starks killed his father. Charles starks remains were sent to Eugene, Oregon for autopsy and reconstruction. The official cause has not yet been determined. Starks was booked into jail and charged with second-degree abuse of a corpse. The case is still under investigation and further charges may be pending, including the fraud charges. Tech Support Pits From: Gary Re: No CD AutoPlay Dear Webby, Thank you first of all for your extremely informative letter. it's been a great help to me and my friends and family However I do have a question for you hope you can help. when I put a pre-recorded CD in my pc cd player it don't automaticly bring up the player..what ever it may be..I have to bring it up manualy..it never done that before...with my other pc ..which has windows XP it works normaly..by the way on this one it has windows 7. Please Help... Thank you in advance. Gary Dear Gary START Control Panel Auto Play In there you can turn Auto-Play on for just about anything except maybe your spouse. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remove Tip to Revive Dry Erase Markers I simply snip the tip of the marker with scissors. Sometimes removing a bit off the dried tip will expose fresh ink. It works just about every time for me. By Michelle B. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

As Alicia was getting to know Michael and his family, she was very impressed by how much his parents loved each other. "They're so thoughtful," Alicia said. "Why, your dad even brings your mom a cup of hot coffee in bed every morning." After a time, Alicia and Michael were engaged, and then married. On the way from the wedding to the reception, Alicia again remarked on Michael's loving parents, and even the coffee in bed. "Tell me," she said, "does it run in the family?" "It sure does," replied Michael. "And I take after my mom."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
At a family get together, a young boy of about 8 years of age asked his father, "What does fornication mean?" His father was a little upset by the question and demanded to know, "Where did you hear a word like that?" "From Uncle Charlie," the little boy said. The father charged off to confront his brother. Charlie held his hands up and said, "Now, wait a minute! I don't know what that boy told you, but all I said was, 'For-an-occasion like this, you think they would chill the beer'."
Dear Webby, I'm sure glad you nagged me into getting Mailwasher. I was away from work for three weeks and really dreaded facing the mail that accumulated in the meantime. But guess what! I turned my computer on, Mailwasher dit it's thing and deleted 2500 mails, and all I had was about 30 mails that I had to read and answer. Keep that button! I am getting my boss to buy it too. Thanks much! Mariana
» Unusual Phones
http://www.cowabduction.com/ http://www.cowabduction.com/

Today, April 21, in
753 BC Rome was founded
43 BC Marcus Antonius was defeated by Octavian near Modena
1526 Mongol Emperor Babur annihilated the Indian Army of 
 Ibrahim Lodi.
1649 The Maryland Toleration Act was passed, allowing all 
 freedom of worship.
1689 William III and Mary II were crowned joint king and 
queen of England, Scotland and Ireland.
1789 John Adams was sworn in as the first U.S. Vice President.
1836 General Sam Houston defeated Santa Anna at the Battle of 
 San Jacinto. This battle decided the independence of Texas.
1856 The Mississippi River was crossed by a rail train for 
the first time (between Davenport, IA, and Rock Island, IL).
1892 The first Buffalo was born in Golden Gate Park.
1898 The Spanish-American War began.
1914 U.S. Marines occupied Vera Cruz, Mexico. The troops 
 stayed for six months.
1918 German fighter ace Manfred von Richthofen, 
 "The Red Baron," was shot down and killed during World War I.
1943 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt announced that several 
 Doolittle pilots had been executed by the Japanese.
1960 Brasilia became the capital of Brazil.
1961 The French army revolted in Algeria.
1967 In Athens, Army colonels took over the government and 
 installed Constantine Kollias as premier.
1972 Apollo 16 astronauts John Young and Charles Duke 
 explored the surface of the moon.
1975 South Vietnam president, Nguyen Van Thieu, resigned, 
 condemning the United States.
1984 In France, it was announced that doctors had found 
 virus believed to cause AIDS.
1985 Manuel Ortega proposed a cease-fire for Nicaragua.
1994 Jackie Parker became the first woman to qualify to 
 fly an F-16 combat plane.
2000 North Carolina researchers announced that the heart of a 
 66 million-year-old dinosaur was more like a mammal 
 than that of a reptile.
2002 In the city of General Santos, 14 people were killed and 69 
 were injured in a bomb attack on a department store. The attack 
 was blamed on Muslim extremists.
2009 UNESCO launched The World Digital Library.
2013  smiled


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Red X in email 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, April 20.

Thanks Jim!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The highest reward for man's toil is not what he gets for it, but what he becomes by it. --- John Ruskin (1819 - 1900) Ours is the age that is proud of machines that think and suspicious of men who try to. --- H. Mumford Jones
Thanks to Martin for this story: A Kentucky couple, both bonified rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed". The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision -- why after nine children, would they choose to do this. The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in North America was Mexican, and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish
The Grain-free Solution System A Combination Of Cookbook + Lifestyle Tips And Tricks For Applying Grain-free Principles To Everyday Life For A Rockin' Body, Optimum Health, And Disease Recovery / Prevention Get the The Grain-free Solution System NOW!

While working as an airline customer-service agent, I got a call from a woman who wanted to know if she could take her dog on board. I told her the dog was welcome, as long as she paid a $50 charge and provided her own kennel. I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around and roll over. "I'll never be able to teach him all that by tomorrow!" she said, and hung up.
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Philip John Garcia, 41, Perris, CA Jailed for crawling naked through dog door and asking for sex Reported by Sailor A Perris bonehead is behind bars after authorities say he crawled naked through a dog door into a neighbor’s house and demanded sex with the woman who lives there. Philip John Garcia, 41, has pleaded not guilty to burglary, indecent exposure and being a felon in possession of a firearm. His bail is set at $130,000 because he has a prior conviction for robbery, Riverside County court records show. According to sheriff’s officials, the woman’s husband had left for work and she was getting ready for bed about 9:30 p.m. at her home near A Street and Alpine Drive when she heard a knock on her bedroom door. The woman, who had her three large dogs with her, opened the door to find a man she recognized as her neighbor standing there completely naked. Garcia, who might have been intoxicated, basically announced that he was there to have sex with her, said Sgt. Glenn Williams. The woman, whom Williams described as middle-aged, yelled at Garcia to get out and told him she was calling the police, he said. Garcia left but deputies later found him at his home. Peering through his window, they saw him lying on his bed, still naked, Williams said. They ordered him to put on some clothes and come out of the house. He complied. Deputies found a .22 caliber rifle under the bed, Williams said. He had been convicted for robbery and as a convicted felon is not allowed to have a firearm. Tech Support Pits From: Kitty Re: Red X DearWebby Hi there. what do i do to be able to get red of the red x on some of my friends backgrounds she sends me? i sent the page to you so you know what i'm talking about. Kitty Dear Kitty There is absolutely nothing you can do when a sender klutzed up half of her mail. It's not your fault and not your machine. The pictures, that were embedded properly, show up fine, even after you forwarded the mail to me. It seems to be a mixture of a forwarding plus stationery and cutesy footer. The forwarded part is OK and those pictures show fine, but her stationery and her footer don't work. Most likely she moved the location of the pictures she uses for a background and in the footer. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Washing Windows for Less When washing your windows mix equal parts vinegar and water to use as a cleaner and then use newspaper to dry. Cuts dirt on glass much easier and doesn't leave streak marks. Works inside or outside. It's less expensive and using the paper is more ecological too. Jeanne Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Learn How To Make Sushi Brand New High Quality Sushi Cook Book. Discover The Secrets Of Making The Ever Popular And Exotic Sushi Dishes.

A man is laying on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son Morris, the surgeon. The father says, "Son, think of it this way ... If anything happens to me, your mother is coming to live with you."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An old man witnesses a burglary and appears in court. The defense lawyer asks him, "Did you see my client commit this burglary?" "Yes," the man says. "I saw him plainly take the goods." The lawyer adds, "This happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?" "Yes, I saw him do it," the man says. The lawyer says, "You are 80 years old and your eyesight probably is bad. Just how far can you see at night?" The man says, "I can see the moon. How far is that?"
» Unusual Phones
http://www.cowabduction.com/ http://www.cowabduction.com/

Today, April 20, in
1139 - The Second Lateran Council opened in Rome.
1534 - Jacques Cartier, a French explorer, set sail from 
St. Malo to explore the North American coastline.
1657 - English Admiral Robert Blake fought his last battle 
 when he destroyed the Spanish fleet in Santa Cruz Bay.
1769 - Ottawa Chief Pontiac was murdered by an Illinois 
 Indian in Cahokia.
1775 - American troops began the siege of British-held Boston.
1792 - France declared war on Austria, Prussia, and Sardinia. 
 It was the start of the French Revolutionary wars.
1809 - Napoleon defeated Austria at Battle of Abensberg, Bavaria.
1832 - Hot Springs National Park was established by an act 
of the U.S. Congress. It was the first national park in the U.S.
1861 - Robert E. Lee resigned from U.S. Army.
1865 - Safety matches were first advertised.
1879 - First mobile home (horse drawn) was used in a 
 journey from London to Cyprus.
1902 - Scientists Marie and Pierre Curie isolated the 
 radioactive element radium.
1916 - Sir Roger Casement landed in Ireland to incite rebellion 
 against the British. Casement, a British diplomat, was 
 captured within hours and was hanged for high treason on 
 August 3.
1919 - The Polish Army captured Vilno, Lithuania from the Soviets.
1940 - The First electron microscope was demonstrated by RCA.
1945 - Soviet troops began their attack on Berlin.
1945 - During World War II, Allied forces took control of the 
 German cities of Nuremberg and Stuttgart.
1951 - General MacArthur addressed the joint session of Congress 
 after being relieved by U.S. President Truman.
1953 - Operation Little Switch began in Korea. It was the 
 exchange of sick and wounded prisoners of war. Thirty 
 Americans were freed.
1953 - The Boston marathon was won by Keizo Yamada with a 
 record time of 2:18:51.
1961 - FM stereo broadcasting was approved by the FCC.
1962 - The New Orleans Citizens' Council offered a free 
 one-way ride for blacks to move to northern states.
1967 - U.S. planes bombed Haiphong for first time during 
 the Vietnam War.
1971 - The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the use of busing to 
 achieve racial desegregation in schools.
1972 - The manned lunar module from Apollo 16 landed 
 on the moon.
1981 - A spokesman for the U.S. Navy announced that the U.S. 
 was accepting full responsibility for the sinking of the 
 Nissho Maru on April 9.
1984 - Britain announced that its administration of Hong Kong 
 would cease in 1997.
1985 - In Madrid, Santiago Carillo was purged from the 
 Communist Party. Carillo was a founder of Eurocommunism.
1987 - In Argentina, President Raul Alfonsin quelled a 
 military revolt.
1988 - The U.S. Air Forces' Stealth (B-2 bomber) was 
 officially unveiled.
1989 - Scientist announced the successful testing of 
 high-definition TV.
1991 - Mikhail Gorbachev became the first Soviet head 
 of state to visit South Korea.
1998 - Kenyan runner Moses Tanui, 32, won the Boston 
 Marathon for the second time. He also registered the 
 third fastest time with 2 hours 7 minutes and 34 seconds.
2013  smiled


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Uninterruptible power supply 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, April 19.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right? --- Charles M. Schulz (1922 - 2000) Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. --- Aldous Huxley (1894 - 1963), Somebody should 'splain that to Al Gore! Strange as it seems, no amount of learning can cure stupidity, and higher education positively fortifies it. --- Stephen Vizinczey
Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously, when the auctioneer received a note from an assistant, "A gentle- man in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000." There was a moment's silence, and then from the back of the room came a cry: "Two Thousand Five Hundred."
The Grain-free Solution System A Combination Of Cookbook + Lifestyle Tips And Tricks For Applying Grain-free Principles To Everyday Life For A Rockin' Body, Optimum Health, And Disease Recovery / Prevention Get the The Grain-free Solution System NOW!

An expectant mother was being rushed to the hospital, but didn't quite make it. She gave birth to her baby on the hospital lawn. Later, the father received a bill, listing "Delivery Room Fee: $500." He wrote the hospital and reminded them the baby was born on the front lawn. A week passed, and a corrected bill arrived: "Greens Fee: $200."
Click on the picture for the large version Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Laquavia Wallace, 22, Sarasota, FL Jailed After Assaulting Ex-Boyfriend's Penis When He Refused To Start New Relationship With Her Reported by The Weekly Vice Laquavia Wallace, a 22-year-old Florida woman, was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly began yanking on her ex-boyfriend's penis when he refused to start a new relationship with her. According the Manatee County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to the residence of Antonio Williams after 911 dispatchers received a report of a domestic dispute in progress. Arriving deputies spoke with Williams who stated that he was at his residence when Wallace came by to pick up their daughter. Williams said that he invited Wallace to come inside, however, an argument soon developed between the pair because Wallace wanted to begin a new relationship with him and he wasn't interested in the idea. That's when Wallace allegedly grabbed Williams' penis with her right hand and began pulling on it. Williams stated that the vigorous yanking caused him pain, and so he grabbed Wallace's arm to "prevent further violence." The arrest report did not indicate Williams' state of dress or how Wallace was able to grab his penis. Also not mentioned in the report was the daughter's whereabouts while her mother was engaged in an assault on her father's penis. The incident was witnessed by a roommate who lives with Williams, according to the arrest report. Although Williams told deputies that he didn't wish to file charges or provide a sworn affidavit, deputies felt they had gathered enough information and evidence to take Wallace into custody without his testimony. Wallace was booked into the Manatee County Jail and charged with domestic battery. She was released without bond the next day. Tech Support Pits From: Gerold Re: Uninterruptible Power Supply Dear Webby We have a lot of power failures, and expect more in the summer and fall. Because of the long start-up time of my computer, I need something that takes over instantly, even if there is just a momentary flicker in the power. Btw., I use a low power LCD monitor. What do you recommend? Dear Gerold Forget the overpriced UPSes. Most of them just barely allow you a clean shut-down, but not to continue working. Get a standard automotive 450 W - 600W DC to AC adapter from a recreational vehicle or camping supply store, a standard car battery and a car battery charger. Connect all of them up and run an extension cord from the DC to AC adapter to your computer and monitor. You can even plug in a light with a compact fluorescent bulb. If you are set up like that, you are ALWAYS running off the car battery. When the power fails, then for a while the car battery won't get charged up. But you will have half a day or more reserve before you have to start a generator to recharge the battery. Usually power is restored long before that. Once you have everything connected and working, spray or brush the battery terminals and connectors with an acrylic varnish or paint. NOT Latex! As long as you don't set the battery on a concrete floor, you should get 4-5 years out of it. Even though today's batteries are sealed, I would still recommend to keep them outside and as high up as is conveniently possible. By the way, unlike laptop batteries, automotive batteries should NEVER be completely discharged. Their capabilities are only 80% as good after a complete discharge as they were before you did that. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Salad Spinner to Dry a Sweater If you have a sweater or a piece of clothing you have to hand wash, it can take forever to dry. Try putting it into your salad spinner, and it will remove a lot of excess water, and dry faster. By coville123 Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Learn How To Make Sushi Brand New High Quality Sushi Cook Book. Discover The Secrets Of Making The Ever Popular And Exotic Sushi Dishes.

Research shows the first five minutes of life can be the most risky. Somehow I think that the last five minutes could be rather tricky too.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
REDNECK 911 A couple of rednecks are out in the woods hunting when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "Bubba is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure wether he's really dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what do we do next ?"
» Psycho Tumbler


Today, April 19, in
1012 Aelfheah was murdered by Danes who had been ravaging 
 the south of England. Aelfhear had become the 29th Archbishop 
 of Canterbury in 1005.
1539 Emperor Charles V reached a truce with German Protestants 
 at Frankfurt, Germany.
1587 English admiral Sir Francis Drake entered Cadiz harbor 
 and sank the Spanish fleet.
1689 Residents of Boston ousted their governor, Edmond Andros.
1713 Holy Roman Emperor Charles VI issued the Pragmatic Sanction, 
 which gave women the rights of succession to Hapsburg possessions.
1764 The English Parliament banned the American colonies from 
 printing paper money.
1770 Captain James Cook discovered New South Wales, Australia. 
 Cook originally named the land Point Hicks.
1775 The American Revolution began as fighting broke out at 
 Lexington, MA.
1782 The Netherlands recognized the new United States.
1794 Tadeusz Kosciuszko forced the Russians out of Warsaw.
1802 The Spanish reopened the New Orleans port to American merchants.
1861 Thaddeus S. C. Lowe sailed 900 miles in nine hours in a hot air 
 balloon from Cincinnati, OH, to Unionville, SC.
1861 The Baltimore riots resulted in four Union soldiers and nine 
 civilians killed.
1861 U.S. President Lincoln ordered a blockade of Confederate ports.
1892 The Duryea gasoline buggy was introduced in the U.S. by 
 Charles and Frank Duryea.
1897 The first annual Boston Marathon was held. It was the 
 first of its type in the U.S.
1927 In China, Hankow communists declared war on Chaing Kai-shek.
1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt issued a proclamation 
 that removed the U.S. from the gold standard.
1938 General Francisco Franco declared victory in the 
 Spanish Civil War.
1939 Connecticut approved the Bill of Rights for the U.S. 
 Constitution after 148 years.
1943 The Warsaw Ghetto uprising against Nazi rule began. 
 The Jews were able to fight off the Germans for 28 days.
1951 Shigeki Tanaka won the Boston Marathon. Tanaka had 
 survived the atomic blast at Hiroshima, Japan during WW II.
1956 Actress Grace Kelly became Princess Grace of Monaco when 
 she married  Prince Rainier III of Monaco.
1967 Surveyor 3 landed on the moon and began sending photos 
 back to the U.S.
1971 Russia launched the Salyut into orbit around Earth. It was 
 the first permanet space station.
1975 India launched its first satellite with aid from the USSR.
1981 In Davao, Philippines, thirteen people were killed when members 
 of the New People's Army threw hand grenades into the Roman Catholic 
 cathedral during Easter services.
1982 The U.S. announced a ban on U.S. tourist and business 
 traval to Cuba. The U.S. charged the Cuban government with subversion 
 in Central America.
1987 In Phoenix, AZ, skydiver Gregory Robertson went into a 200-mph 
 free-fall to save an unconscious colleague 3,500 feet 
 from the ground.
1987 The last California condor known to be in the wild was captured 
 and placed in a breeding program at the San Diego Wild Animal Park.
1989 A gun turret exploded aboard the USS Iowa. 47 sailors were killed.
1993 The Branch-Davidian’s compound in Waco, TX, burned to the ground. 
 It was the end of a 51-day standoff between the cult and U.S. federal 
 agents. 86 people were killed including 17 children. Nine of the Branch 
 Davidians escaped the fire.
1994 A Los Angeles jury awarded $3.8 million to Rodney King for 
 violation of his civil rights.
1995 The Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City
 OK, was destroyed by a bomb. It was the worst bombing on U.S. 
 territory. 168 people were killed including 19 children, and 
 500 were injured. Timothy McVeigh was found guilty of the 
 bombing on June 2, 1997.
1998 Wang Dan, a leader of 1989 Tienanmen Square pro democracy 
 protests, was freed by the Chinese government.
2000 In the Philippines, Air Philippines GAP 541 crashed while 
 preparing to land. 131 people were killed.
2002 The USS Cole was relaunched. In Yemen, 17 sailors were killed 
 when the ship was attacked by terrorists on October 12, 2000. 
 The attack was blamed on Osama bin Laden's al-Qaida network.
2013  smiled


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What to do when Eudora slowed down? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, April 17.



Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

This is like deja vu all over again. --- Yogi Berra The secret of joy in work is contained in one word - excellence. To know how to do something well is to enjoy it. --- Pearl Buck (1892 - 1973)
>From Lynn As a concierge at a posh resort, I was often asked about the ski facilities. One day a couple who had just checked in after a long flight came by and asked me where the lift was. "Go down the hill," I told them, "out the door, past the pool, 200 yards down the block, and you'll see it on your right." Their tired faces suddenly looked even more exhausted, until the man behind them spoke up. "These folks are from England," he said. "I think they're looking for the elevator."
The Grain-free Solution System A Combination Of Cookbook + Lifestyle Tips And Tricks For Applying Grain-free Principles To Everyday Life For A Rockin' Body, Optimum Health, And Disease Recovery / Prevention Get the The Grain-free Solution System NOW!

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart." Little Davie, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!" The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Davie how he knew this. Little Davie said, "Well... every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, "Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!"
Click on the picture for the large version Waiting While looking for something else, I came across this picture, that I took in Arizona about ten years ago. Do you see a woman, boobs and knees pointing towards you, and her head turned to her right (your left) down towards Phoenix, as if she was waiting. And turned to stone.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Vincent Valvo, 19,Vero beach, Florida Mama's Boy jailed for Calling 911, twice, Because He Didn't Like The Way His Mother Spoke To Him Reported by The Weekly Vice Vincent Valvo, a 19-year-old Florida man was jailed Thursday after he allegedly called 911 to complain that he didn't like the way his mother was talking to him. According to the Indian River County Sheriff's Office, a deputy was dispatched to a residence Valvo shares with his parents after he called 911 to report a domestic disturbance. When the deputy arrived on the scene, Valvo stated that he was upset by the way his mother spoke to him. The deputy told Valvo that his call was an improper use of 911 and warned him about the penalties associated with the offense. A short while later, a second deputy was dispatched to the residence after receiving another 911 call from Valvo. When the deputy arrived on the scene, Valvo was sitting on the front steps of the residence doing something with his phone. When the deputy asked Valvo what he could do for him, Valvo stated that he "wanted to leave." When the deputy asked where he wanted to go, Valvo stared at his phone and wouldn't respond. When the deputy asked Valvo if he was thinking of hurting himself, Valvo responded "fuck no" according to the arrest affidavit. When the deputy asked Valvo why he called 911 again, Valvo stated that he "didn't like the way his mom talked to him." The officer also noted that Valvo's words were slurred and he smelled of alcoholic beverage. That's when the deputy tired of playing twenty questions with Valvo and placed him under arrest. He was booked into the Indian River County Jail and charged with improper use of 911. He was released after posting $500 bond. Valvo's prior arrests in Indian River County include theft and disorderly intoxication. Tech Support Pits FROM: David RE: Eudora slowed down Dear Webby A couple of weeks ago Eudora starting slowing way down to delete an email, as long as 30 seconds or more for deletion. Had a friend come over to clean up my computer. As a result Eudora went back to deleting emails quickly. However I discovered Windows XP thought I did not have an anti-virus program. So today I downloaded McAfee again that Eudora went back to taking forever to delete emails. Any idea how I can fix this? David Dear David Dump the trash, both Recycle Bin and Eudora In Eudora reduce the IN box and OUT box by filing stuff into mail boxes like IN-2000, IN-2001, etc, or topics like PRAYERS, Porno, Recipes, etc. Keep IN, OUT and TRASH as lean as possible. Then go to SPECIAL, Compact Mailboxes After that Eudora will be happy again. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use CDs to Make Driveway Reflectors I live in an area that does not have street lights and at night it is difficult to "see" my driveway. I checked on red reflectors and they are quite expensive. I have now placed old computer disks on my mail box post and they reflect great. We arranged them in a "pattern" so they look attractive all the time. I also placed some in my trees at Christmas and these are really neat with some outdoor lights shining in their direction. By Betty from FL After AOL switched from sending floppy disks to sending CDs to everybody, I used to make Sun-Catchers with them: They are very pretty close up, and flashes can be seen from a few miles away. Drilling holes into them andusing fishing line is OK for indoor use, but the first storm will destroy them. For outdoor use you get more use out of them if you use shoe- laces through the center hole. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Learn How To Make Sushi Brand New High Quality Sushi Cook Book. Discover The Secrets Of Making The Ever Popular And Exotic Sushi Dishes.

Two little old ladies are sitting on a bench in Miami Beach. A man walks over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman next to him asks, "Are you a stranger here?" He replies, "I used to live here years ago." "So, where were you all these years?" "In prison," he says. "For what did they put you in prison?" He looks at her, and very quietly says, "I killed my wife." "Oh," says the woman, and turning to the other woman proclaims: "Edna! He's single !"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I had been teaching my seventh-graders about World War II, and a test question was, "What was the largest amphibious assault of all time?" Expecting to see "the D-Day invasion" as the answer, I found instead on one paper, "Moses and the plague of frogs."
» Old Gas Stations


Today, April 16, in
1421 Dikes at Dort Holland break, 100,000 drown
1492 Christopher Columbus signed a contract with Spain to 
 find a passage to Asia and the Indies.
1521 Martin Luther was excommunicated.
1524 New York Harbor was discovered by Giovanni Verrazano.
1629 Horses were first imported into the colonies by the 
 American Massachusetts Bay Colony.
1808 Bayonne Decree by Napoleon I of France ordered 
 the seizure of U.S. ships.
1810 Pineapple cheese was patented by Lewis M. Norton.
1824 Russia abandoned all North American claims south of 54' 40'.
1860 New Yorkers learned of a new law that required fire 
 escapes to be provided for tenement houses.
1895 China and Japan signed the Treaty of Shimonoseki. 
 It was the end of the first Sino-Japanese War. In the 
 treaty China ceded Taiwan to Japan.
1941 Igor Sikorsky accomplished the first successful 
 helicopter lift-off from water near Stratford, CT.
1946 The last French troops left Syria.
1961 About 1,400 U.S.-supported Cuban exiles invaded Cuba 
 at the Bay of Pigs in an attempt to overthrow Fidel Castro. 
 It was an unsuccessful attack.
1964 Jerrie Mock became first woman to fly an airplane 
 solo around the world.
1964 The Ford Motor Company unveiled its new Mustang model.
1975 Khmer Rouge forces capture the capital of Cambodia, 
 Phnom Penh. It was the end of the five-year war.
1983 In Warsaw, police routed 1,000 Solidarity supporters.
1985 In Lebanon, the cabinet resigned as Shiites took W. Beirut.
1987 In Sri Lanka, Tamil guerrillas killed 122 people 
 in a road ambush.
1989 In Poland, courts gave Solidarity legal status.
1993 A federal jury in Los Angeles convicted two former police
 officers of violating the civil rights of beaten motorist 
 Rodney King. Two other officers were acquitted.
1996 Erik and Lyle Menendez were sentenced to life in prison 
 without parole for killing their parents.
2013  smiled


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How to back up Gmail? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, April 16.
It is snowing again.
We usually have half a day of "Crazy April Weather"
type snow, but this many days of snowing is not
normal. Al Gore's fear mongering and BS must have
upset Mother Nature, or else he just invented the 
whole BS at the wrong time, at the end of the 
warming ripple. 

Bad timing, just like Carl Sagan and his fear mongering 
about a coming ice age, right at the end of the 
cooling ripple.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Invention is the mother of necessity. --- Thorstein Veblen (1857 - 1929) The best mirror is an old friend. --- George Herbert (1593 - 1633), 1651 There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, and that is to contradict other philosophers. --- William James
A minister, a priest and a rabbi were enjoying the serenity of a country dipping pond. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, a group of very old ladies from town approached them. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover. After the ladies left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates. The rabbi replied... "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, it's my FACE that they would recognize....."
The Grain-free Solution System A Combination Of Cookbook + Lifestyle Tips And Tricks For Applying Grain-free Principles To Everyday Life For A Rockin' Body, Optimum Health, And Disease Recovery / Prevention Get the The Grain-free Solution System NOW!

Here is an old favorite: There are two nuns. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants. SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us. SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we possibly do? SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster. SM: It's not working. SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too. SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute. SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both. The man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives. SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened! SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me. SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then? SL:The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could. SM: And? SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me. SM: Oh, dear! What did you do? SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up. SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do? SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants. SM: Oh, no! What happened then? SL: Isn't it logical,Sister? A nun with her dress up can run a lot faster than a man with his pants down. (And those of you who thought it would be dirty, say two Hail Mary's.....)
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jessica Boyers, 24, Louisville, KY Married Teacher - jailed for Having Sex With Student Reported by The Weekly Vice Jessica Boyers, a 24-year-old language arts teacher at Highland Middle School, has been jailed after she was caught having sex with a student. According to Louisville Metro Police, officers were on routine patrol at Buechel Park when they noticed unusual activity inside a car, that was parked at the location. When officers approached the vehicle, a boy that was with Boyers admitted to having sexual contact with her a short while earlier. Further investigation revealed that Boyer's is the juvenile's teacher. Boyers, who is married, was arrested at the park just before midnight. She was booked into jail and charged with first-degree sexual abuse. She was released Friday morning after posting bail. Tech Support Pits FROM: Kay RE: Backing up Gmail Dear Webby, Hope all is well with you, and that you are getting along well with your eyes. My question..since yahoo mail has erased everyones email and you cannot get them to retreive it. I was wondering is there any way to save, export or anything else from my gmail? I know I'm paranoid, but never know when these sites will change. I don't have anything that would be the end of the world, but would hate to loose what I have in folders. Any info you could give me would be appreciated. Keep up the great newsletter, don't go a day without reading it. Thank you, Kay Dear Kay Most people do the opposite, they use Gmail as their back-up, since you can store 7 GIGAbytes of stuff there, and since they have a better record of keeping your data safe than any other method. However, if you want to back up your Gmail, there are a few methods. The most popular one, of course, is to set your GMAIL to POP, and pull it down with any full-feaured email program like Eudora, Pegasus, Thunderbird, etc., or even Outluck or Windows Live. You can keep the mail on Gmail, basically just download a copy. For example, the geniusses, who wrote Eudora, included the checkbox for "Leave Mail On Server" in 1993. Put a checkmark into that box, and Gmail acts as your Iron Mountain archive. Even if you lose your computer, everything is still safe up in the cloud. Most other email programs copied that feature. If you want to have a copy of your mail on a smart-phone or iPad, just sync. If you want to download your contacts into Windows, click on the tiny Down arrow beside "Gmail". It is very inconspicuous, about two inches from the top in the left side, cleverly hidden right in front of your nose. Pull that down and select Contacts In there, again cleverly hidden in front of your nose is "MORE",in the middle, a bit less than two inches from the top. Very inconspicuously. Pull that down and select EXPORT In there you can select which contacts to export, and in which format. It is all there, but since almost nobody ever does it, there is no simple shortcut to it. There are fancy programs, that go find that Export button for you, and then let you do the same, as if you had succeeded in finding it on your own. Now, if you want to export the mail texts to your computer, there is Gmail Backup at http://www.gmail-backup.com/, I have never used it, since I have set my Gmail to forward to my Webby mail, which I manage with Eudora. In my case, Gmail is just an archive of what winds up in my computer automatically. There are no complaints about Gmail Backup, and like the DearWebby Humor letter, there is no PAY NOW button, just a Please Donate. If you do want to copy your old Gmails to your coomputer, that would be the program to use. Weed out your Gmail first. Search for any words or phrases used by spammers, and dump those mails. The same with mails from nuisances like ex-mother-in-laws or ex-boyfriends. Any mails, that you won't ever look up again, dump them. The reason for that is that the first back-up to your computer will be VERY slow and take a long time. Subsequent back-ups just add the new stuff, and will be much faster. Personally, I would recommend that you set your Gmail to forward to your ISP based email, as long as that is not Yahoo or Sbcglobal or MSN, set your Gmail to not delete mail after forwarding, and set your earth based email program to leave mail on the server. Then you can use whatever full featured email program that strikes your fancy. The most popular ones are Eudora, Pegasus, Thunderbird, Outlook, Windows Live, Outluck Depressed. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Duct Tape To Label Food Storage Containers I found myself wasting too much time, tape and energy placing labels on my frozen and fridge food containers. I bought WHITE duct tape and use a Sharpie to write contents on "labels" made from the tape. The ink comes off easily with soapy water for re-use, the tape remains securely on the lid "forever". I keep small precut "labels' stuck inconspicuously behind my cabinet door and can pull one off for immediate use on new lids. For fridge items, I can read the label tops without moving items around when searching for the mayo. By Avis Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Learn How To Make Sushi Brand New High Quality Sushi Cook Book. Discover The Secrets Of Making The Ever Popular And Exotic Sushi Dishes.

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A teenager who had just received her learner's permit offered to drive her parents to church. After a hair-raising ride, they finally reached their destination. The mother got out of the car and said, "Thank you!" "Anytime," her daughter replied. As the woman slammed the door, she said, "I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to God."
» Loopy Ribbons


Today, April 16, in
0069 Otho committed suicide after being defeated by 
 Vitellius' troops at Bedriacum.
1065 The Norman Robert Guiscard took Bari. Five centuries 
 of Byzantine rule in southern Italy ended.
1175 Frederick I, Holy Roman Emperor, signed the 
 Treaty of Montebello with the Lombard League.
1705 Queen Anne of England knighted Isaac Newton.
1746 The Duke of Cumberland defeated Bonnie Prince Charlie 
 (and his Jacobites) at the battle of Culloden.
1818 The U.S. Senate ratified Rush-Bagot amendment to form 
 an unarmed U.S.-Canada border.
1851 A lighthouse was swept away in a gale at Minot’s Ledge, MA.
1854 San Salvador was destroyed by an earthquake.
1862 In the U.S., slavery was abolished by law in the 
 District of Columbia.
1912 Harriet Quimby became the first woman to fly across 
 the English Channel.
1917 Vladimir Ilyich Lenin returned to Russia to start 
 Bolshevik Revolution after years of exile.
1922 The Soviet Union and Germany signed the Treaty of 
 Rapallo under which Germany recognized the Soviet Union 
 and diplomatic and trade relations were restored.
1942 The Island of Malta was awarded the George Cross 
 in recognition for heroism under constant German air 
 attack.
1943 In Basel, Switzerland, chemist Albert Hoffman accidently
 discovered the the hallucinogenic effects of LSD-25 while 
 working on the medicinal value of lysergic acid.
1944 The destroyer USS Laffey survived immense damage from 
 attacks by 22 Japanese aircraft off Okinawa.
1945 American troops entered Nuremberg, Germany.
1947 The Zoomar lens, invented by Dr. Frank Back, was 
 demonstrated in New York City. It was the first lens 
 to exhibit zooming effects.
1947 In Texas City, TX, the French ship Grandcamp, 
 carrying ammonium nitrate fertilizer, caught fire and 
 blew up. The explosions and resulting fires killed 
 576 people.
1951 75 people were killed when the British submarine 
 Affray sank in the English Channel.
1968 The Pentagon announced that troops would begin 
 coming home from Vietnam.
1972 Apollo 16 blasted off on a voyage to the moon. 
 It was the fifth manned moon landing.
1975 The Khmer Rouge Rebels won control of Cambodia after 
 five years of civil war. They renamed the country 
 Kampuchea and began a reign of terror.
1982 Queen Elizabeth proclaimed Canada's new constitution 
 in effect. The act severed the last colonial links with 
 Britain.
1983 China shelled the Vietnam border in retaliation for 
 raids.
1983 Brazil detained four Libyan planes en route to 
 Nicaragua after finding weapons, explosives and 
 ammunition on the planes.
1987 The U.S. Patent Office began allowing the patenting 
 of new animals created by genetic engineering.
1992 The House ethics committee listed 303 current and 
 former lawmakers who had overdrawn their House bank accounts.
1995 The European Union and Canada agreed to protect threatened 
 fish stocks in the north Atlantic.
1999 Wayne Gretzky announced his retirement from the 
 National Hockey League (NHL).
2007 In Blacksburg, VA, a student killed 33 people at 
 Virginia Tech before killing himself. 
2013  smiled


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How important is the profile picture on FB ? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, April 15.

Do you remember my April Fools spoof about space sinach
because I could not find spinach in any stor?
It seems somebody at Walmart heard about that, and they
now have spinach. The can are dented and apparently from
a discount supplier specializing on dents and transport
damage. I don't care, as long as the cans are not bloated
or leaking. The contents were great, and tightly packed, 
not just mostly water. If you like spinach, go have a look!


If you are on FaceBook, send me a Friend Request.
I will confirm it, as soon as I see it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The trouble with normal is it always gets worse. --- Bruce Cockburn
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me!
The Grain-free Solution System A Combination Of Cookbook + Lifestyle Tips And Tricks For Applying Grain-free Principles To Everyday Life For A Rockin' Body, Optimum Health, And Disease Recovery / Prevention Get the The Grain-free Solution System NOW!

Thanks to Bob for this: Long, unproductive meetings are often the bane of corporate life. My very funny boss at the software company where I work has come up with what just might be the perfect way to cut business conferences short before they start rambling out of control. There comes a time when he announces, "All those opposed to my plan say, 'I resign.'" End of meeting.
Yesterday's picture was from the Efteling Theme park in the netherlands. Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rickesha Burns, 21, Phoenix, AZ Jailed for Shoving Sex Toy So Far Into Toddler Son's Anus, Surgery Was Required To Have It Removed Reported by The Weekly Vice Rickesha Burns, a 21-year-old Phoenix woman, was jailed late last month after she allegedly shoved a vibrator so far up her 2-year-old son's anus, surgery was required to get it back out. According to Phoenix Police, officers were dispatched to Burns' residence after receiving a report of 'unknown trouble' at her home. When officers arrived on the scene, they found Burns' son "crying hysterically" and bleeding from his anus. The child was immediately rushed to Phoenix Children's Hospital for examination. At the hospital, doctors advised detectives that a foreign object resembling a vibrator or similar sex toy was lodged deep inside the boy's rectum. Doctors also alerted investigators to sharp object injuries around the boy's anus - and advised that it appeared someone had used a hanger to get the object out of the boy's rectum. When detectives interviewed Burns, she told them that she had been at a park with her son earlier in the day when an unknown 12-year-old boy walked up to her son and made him cry. She said she had been checking her phone for text messages "for about ten seconds" when "something happened" and her son began to cry. Burns went on to say that she "worked hard to get her son back and would not do anything like this to hurt her son," according to the arrest affidavit. Burns may have been referring to a previous case in 2011 in which she was investigated for child abuse. Officers determined that no evidence could be found to indicate that Burns had been to a park that day or that any child could have inserted a vibrator into her son's rectum in the span of 10 seconds as Burns claimed. She was booked into jail and charged with sexual conduct with a minor and child abuse. The child has been scheduled to have the object removed from his anus, however no reports indicate how the surgery went. Tech Support Pits FROM: Audrey RE: How important is a mugshot on FaceBook? Dear Webby, I see that most people have a mug shot or cut of a family picture, some have a total make-over glamor shot, but some have a picture of a pet or flowers. How important is it to have a personal picture at the mug shot location? Audrey Dear Audrey Cougars, who are on the prowl, use total make-over glamor shots or old pictures,like their graduation picture. Those, of course, are cruising for heartbreak, when somebody finds out they are not who they pretend to be. You yourself will feel more comfortable too with a simple every day picture, than having to try to live up to an impossible dream. If you don't have a camera, get a friend to take a picture. No fancy glamor shots, just an every day picture, that you have no problem living up to. Some people hide behind pictures of pets or flowers scanned from seed catalogs. Whatever their reason is for hiding, they obviously don't want to increase their circle of friends or reconnect with old friends. Take your pick, but don't go to a lot of effort and hassle to get a fancy and pretentious picture. Remember, your neighbors and relatives know you without the wig and the big DD interview foamies, and would tease you to no end, if your FaceBook picture is too different from reality. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Milk Jug Electric Cord Reel I use the electric leaf blower frequently to blow off the porch and carport. I've just been looping the cord and laying it across the blower for storage and having to untangle it every time I use it. I told my husband that we needed to purchase a reel to keep the cord on. A reel makes it easier to store the cord and keeps it from getting tangled up. The idea popped into my head to use a milk jug so I gave it a try and it works. I cut out a section opposite the handle to make some sides to hold the cord. Holding the jug by the handle, I wrapped the cord around the jug. This works, however, I think a heavier jug will work even better. I may not have to spend money on a reel after all. By Betty from NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Learn How To Make Sushi Brand New High Quality Sushi Cook Book. Discover The Secrets Of Making The Ever Popular And Exotic Sushi Dishes.

Thanks to Irene for this one: While watching a movie recently, I couldn't hear the dialogue over the chatter of the two women sitting in front of me. Unable to bear it any longer, I tapped one of them on the shoulder. "Excuse me," I said, "I can't hear." "I should hope not," she replied sharply. "This is a private conversation." Luckily violence was averted by the young woman sitting next to me. She said, just as loudly: "I can hear it loud and clear, and I am writing it down word for word for my gossip column in the paper." They got up and left in a huff. I gave my good gold colored pen to the young woman, AND my chocolate bar.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the teacher was asking. "Next question," announced the instructor. "How would you like to be seen by the opposite sex?" I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next to me turned and asked, "How do you spell 'intellekshual?'"
» Loopy Ribbons


Today, April 15, in
0069 Battle at Bedriacum, North-Italy 
1205 Battle at Adrianople Bulgaria beats Emperor Boudouin 
 of Constantinople
1450 French defeat English at Battle of Formigny in 100 Years' War
1493 Columbus meets with King Ferdinand & Queen Isabella
1621 Hugo the Great arrives in France
1632 Swedish & Saxon army beat Earl Tilly
1715 Uprising of Yamasse-Indians in South Carolina
1716 Russian & Prussian troops occupy Wismar 
1738 Bottle opener invented 
1784 The first balloon was flown in Ireland.
1776 Duchess of Kingston found guilty of bigamy 
1813 U.S. troops under James Wilkinson attacked the Spanish 
 held city of Mobile that would be in the future state of 
 Alabama.
1858 At the Battle of Azimghur, the Mexicans defeated 
 Spanish loyalists.
1861 U.S. President Lincoln mobilized the Federal army.
1865 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln died from injuries 
 inflicted by John Wilkes Booth.
1871 "Wild Bill" Hickok became the marshal of Abilene, Kansas.
1892 The General Electric Company was organized.
1899 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Portland Cement 
 Company.
1912 The ocean liner Titanic sank in the North Atlantic 
after hitting an iceberg the evening before. 1,517 people 
died and more than 700 people survived.
1917 The British defeated the Germans at the battle of Arras.
1919 British troops killed 400 more Indians at Amritsar, India.
1923 Insulin became generally available for people suffering 
 with diabetes.
1940 French and British troops landed at Narvik, Norway.
1945 During World War II, British and Canadian troops liberated 
 the Nazi concentration camp Bergen-Belsen.
1948 The Arabs were defeated in the first Jewish-Arab battle.
1952 U.S. President Harry Truman signed the official Japanese 
 peace treaty.
1952 The first B-52 prototype was tested in the air.
1953 Charlie Chaplin surrendered his U.S. re-entry permit 
 rather than face proceedings by the U.S. Justice Department. 
 Chaplin was accused of sympathizing with Communist groups.
1956 General Motors announced that the first free piston 
 automobile had been developed.
1959 Cuban leader Fidel Castro began a U.S. goodwill tour.
1967 Richard Speck was found guilty of murdering eight 
 student nurses.
1986 U.S. F-111 warplanes attacked Libya in response to the 
 bombing of a discotheque in Berlin on April 5, 1986.
1989 Students in Beijing launched a series of pro democracy 
 protests upon the death of former Communist Party leader Hu Yaobang. 
 The protests led to the Tienanmen Square massacre.
1989 In Sheffield, England, 96 people were killed and hundreds 
 were injured at a soccer game at Hillsborough Stadium when a 
 crowd surged into an overcrowded standing area. Ninety-four 
 died on the day of the incident and two more later died from 
 their injuries.
1999 In Rawalpindi, Pakistan, a panel of two Lahore High Court 
 judges convicted former Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto and her 
 husband, Asif Ali Zardari, of corruption.
2000 600 anti-IMF (International Monetary Fund) protesters were 
 arrested in Washington, DC, for demonstrating without a permit. 
2013  smiled


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How to get rid of Delta? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, April 13.

If you are on FaceBook, send me a Friend Request.
I will confirm it, as soon as I see it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I never lie because I don't fear anyone. You only lie when you're afraid. --- John Gotti A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995)
A little boy was roughhousing with his dog. His mother said to him, "Now, Peter, I know you love Granger, but you're loving him too much. How would you feel if someone huge picked you up and squeezed you so hard you couldn't breathe?" The boy thought a moment and then said, "I guess I'd feel like it was my birthday and Aunt Doreen was here!"
The Grain-free Solution System A Combination Of Cookbook + Lifestyle Tips And Tricks For Applying Grain-free Principles To Everyday Life For A Rockin' Body, Optimum Health, And Disease Recovery / Prevention Get the The Grain-free Solution System NOW!

While handing a 25 cent-off coupon to the supermarket clerk at the checkout counter a woman inadvertently missed her hand, and the coupon slipped beneath the scale and was gone. The checker looked distressed so the woman said, "That's Okay, it's in coupon heaven now." "Coupon heaven?" the checker asked. "Yes," the woman said, "That's where coupons go when they die." "Only the redeemed ones!" said the checker.
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tuesday Parks, 31, in Rogers, Arkansas Jailed for having too many illegal pills Reported by The Weekly Vice Tuesday Parks, a 31-year-old Arkansas Woman, was jailed Sunday after she allegedly attacked her boyfriend for attempting to take away her pills, then hid a bottle of pills inside her vagina. According to police, officers were dispatched to the couple's residence after receiving a report regarding a domestic disturbance. When officers arrived on the scene, Parks appeared to be highly intoxicated and was verbally combative with anyone who tried to talk to her. Parks' boyfriend told officers that a struggle broke out when he attempted to take away some prescription pills that were in her possession. That's when Parks allegedly threw her boyfriend against a door and began choking him. Officers noted redness and swelling around the boyfriend's neck. Officers then learned that Parks had instructed her young daughter to hide her pills throughout the residence. The pills were rounded up and given to officers. When officers took Parks into custody, they found a marijuana pipe and more prescription pills in her pocket. Officers collected 73 pills from various prescriptions in all. Investigators say Parks made "numerous furtive movements" during her trip to jail and kept unbuttoning her pants. During the booking process, a strip search was conducted which revealed a prescription bottle containing 45 more pills hidden inside her vagina. Parks attempted to throw the bottle into a nearby toilet and then flush them down, however deputies were able to recover the pill bottle. Parks was booked into the Washington County Detention Center and charged with aggravated assault, introducing a controlled substance into a secure facility, tampering with evidence, third-degree domestic battery, endangering the welfare of a minor and unlawfull possession of prescription medication. Her bond has been set at $5,000. Tech Support Pits FROM: Samantha RE: FireFox opens a banned page Dear Webby, Whenever I try to open a new tab, FireFox goes to a site, that McAfee Site Advisor objects to. Samantha Dear Samantha What is the URL that you get hijacked to? DearWebby Delta Search Dear Samantha Dealta Search is a nasty hijacker, that you or somebody agreed to in lieu of paying for software. Some sleazy stuff foists that on you, AND claims to be free. Well, lots of people have fallen for that scam, and tehre are quite a few sites, that offer removal instructions. Here is a roundup of the most popular Delta Search removal sites. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Leftover Candle Wax for Firestarters I save our empty toilet and paper towel tubes, stuff them with waste paper and junk mail or even pine cones. Then I melt my small, leftover candle pieces in a old candle warmer, or in a tin can that is placed in a pot of water on the stove just until it melts. I pour the melted candle over the tubes. Make sure you either do this over a garbage can or stack of papers so you don't spill candle wax anywhere! That's a whole other tip! ;) I use these little firestarters when we go camping to start our fires or even to start our woodburning stove up from a cold start! Makes starting fires a little easier. Kids can help stuff them all year round and dream about summer camping! By Donna Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Learn How To Make Sushi Brand New High Quality Sushi Cook Book. Discover The Secrets Of Making The Ever Popular And Exotic Sushi Dishes.

These are actual test answers from various schools in the Huntsville, AL metropolitan area. Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky. Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Statistics. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen). A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U. Q: What is the Fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section." A: The caesarian section is the red light district in Rome. Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor. Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport. Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning. A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab wears on his head. Q: What is a Hindu? A: It lays eggs.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Despite his best sales pitch, a life-insurance salesman was unable to get a couple to sign up for a policy. "I certainly don't want to frighten you into a decision," he announced, standing up to leave. "Please sleep on it tonight, and if both of you wake up in the morning, let me know what you think."
» Amazing graveyards


Today, April 13, in
1598 King Henry IV of France signed the Edict of Nantes 
 which granted political rights to French Protestant Huguenots.
1759 The French defeated the European allies in Battle 
 of Bergen.
1775 Lord North extended the New England Restraining Act 
 to South, Carolina, Virginia, Pennsylvania, New Jersey 
 and Maryland. The act prohibited trade with any country 
 other than Britain and Ireland.
1808 William "Juda" Henry Lane perfected the tap dance.
1829 The English Parliament granted freedom of religion 
 to Catholics.
1849 The Hungarian Republic was proclaimed.
1860 The first mail was delivered via Pony Express when 
 a westbound rider arrived in Sacremento, CA from 
 St. Joseph, MO.
1861 After 34 hours of bombardment, the Union-held 
 Fort Sumter surrenders to Confederates.
1916 The first hybrid, seed corn was purchased 
 for 15-cents a bushel by Samuel Ramsay.
1919 British forces killed hundreds of Indian 
 nationalists in the Amritsar Massacre.
1933 The first flight over Mount Everest was 
 completed by Lord Clydesdale.
1941 German troops captured Belgrade, Yugoslavia.
1945 Vienna fell to Soviet troops a month after 
 Austria stopped fighting..
1949 Philip S. Hench and associates announced that 
 cortizone was an effective treatment for rheumatoid arthritis.
1959 A Vatican edict prohibited Roman Catholics from 
 voting for Communists.
1960 The first navigational satellite was launched into 
 Earth's orbit.
1961 The U.N. General Assembly condemned South Africa 
 due to apartheid.
1962 In the U.S., major steel companies rescinded 
 announced price increases. The John F. Kennedy 
 administration had been applying pressure against the 
 price increases.
1970 An oxygen tank exploded on Apollo 13, preventing 
 a planned moon landing.
1990 The Soviet Union accepted responsibility for the 
 World War II murders of thousands of imprisoned Polish
 officers in the Katyn Forest. The Soviets had previously 
 blamed the massacre on the Nazis.
1998 Dolly, the world's first cloned sheep, gave natural
 birth to a healthy baby lamb.
1999 Jack Kervorkian was sentenced in Pontiac, MI, to 10 to 25 
 years in prison for the second-degree murder of Thomas Youk. 
 Youk's assisted suicide was videotaped and shown on "60 Minutes" 
 in 1998.
2002 Venezuela's interim president, Pedro Carmona, resigned a 
 day after taking office. Thousands of protesters had 
 protested the ousting of president Hugo Chavez. 
2013  smiled


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Criteria for selecting a Laser Printer 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Good Friday, April 12.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Had to go up to the hospital today for blood sampling.
We had a nasty blizzard, but hiking up out of the valley it
was at my back and I was sailing up there in record time.

Coming back was a different story. It felt like I was on
my motorcycle driving against a hail storm without a face 
shield. 

In the valley visibility was about six feet. Standing in 
front of a street sign and wiping the snow off the glasses,
I could just barely make out the numbers. Luckily I knew
the differences in sidewalk ending on each Avenue, and 
turned at the proper one and made it home OK.

Was this why I left the Yukon and moved South?

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming. --- Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005) Fortune can, for her pleasure, fools advance, And toss them on the wheels of Chance. --- Juvenal (55 AD - 127 AD)
Thanks to Alf for this: My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like Cripes. For Cripe's sake. Who would that be, Jesus Cripes? The son of Gosh? of the church of Holy Moly. I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in Heck?
The Grain-free Solution System A Combination Of Cookbook + Lifestyle Tips And Tricks For Applying Grain-free Principles To Everyday Life For A Rockin' Body, Optimum Health, And Disease Recovery / Prevention Get the The Grain-free Solution System NOW!

Darling," a husband whispered to his wife late one night, "if I died, would you get married again?" "I suppose so," she replied. "Would you sleep in the same bed with him?" "Well, it's the only bed in the house, so I have no choice." "Would you make love to him?" "Honey," the woman said patiently, "he would be my husband." "Would you give him my car?" "No," she yawned, "He can't drive a manual transmission car."
Click on the picture for the large version Antarctic Sunrise
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sheena Cornwell, 28, Des Moines, Iowa Jailed After Hanging Dog To Death In Garage Because She Was Tired Of Hearing The Animal Bark Reported by The Weekly Vice Sheena Cornwell, a 28-year-old Iowa woman, was jailed Saturday after she hung her and her boyfriend's dog to death because she was annoyed with the animal's barking. According to police, officers were dispatched to the couple's residence after receiving a 911 call from Cornwell's boyfriend, Joshua VanDyke. VanDyke told investigators that he had just returned home from work Saturday when he noticed that Cornwell was angry with the dog's barking. He stated that Cornwell placed the dog inside the garage so she wouldn't have to listen to the noise. She became increasingly annoyed, however, when she could still hear the dog barking. That's when she allegedly went back to the garage and hung the animal from a garage rafter using the animal's collar and leash. Cornwell reportedly watched the dog kick and struggle for a ten minute period until she saw that it was dead. She then allegedly came back inside the house and announced that she had taken care of the noise. VanDyke called police after going to the garage and seeing what Cornwell had done. "She did not appear remorseful. She said she saw nothing wrong with her actions,' said Des Moines Police spokesperson, Greg Catron. "She didn't think there was anything wrong with the way she put this dog to death. This is the first time I've ever seen a dog strung up like that. The dog deserved better than that." Cornwell was booked into jail and charged with animal torture. VanDyke told a local reporter that he has since ended his 4-year long relationship with Cornwell. Tech Support Pits FROM: Diane RE: Criteria for a Laser Printer Dear Webby, Forgive my stupid question... I could never be accused of being a "techie" ... but would you be so kind as to tell me some of the features I should inquire about? I download a lot of quilt patterns and templates, as well as just text articles. I'd also like to be able to print off good copies for my grandchildren occasionally. My problem is that I don't know the lingo and don't know what to ask for... the perfect captive audience. Thank you for your help. I do enjoy your newsletter. Diane Dear Diane If you print eBooks or big stuff like that, then a big paper tray is important, so that you don't run out of paper in the middle of a print job. If you just print a page or two now and then, than that is not important. If your space is limited, then you need to consider the size of the printer, so that you don't have to hang it off hooks on the ceiling. Weight can also be a consideration, depending on where you plan to put it. Keep in mind, the paper adds considerable weight! Will the shelf hold it, or sag too much? Can you use separate toner cartridges for each color? If they have combination toner cartridges, go to the next one. Does it have a long catcher at the output, or will long (legal size) papers sail across the room? Call their support. If you get the runaround or wind up arguing with some Taliban, that you can't understand, go to the next brand. Print quality is generally good enough with all Laser printers, nowadays, and not something to worry about. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use the Entire Pot Of Coffee Good coffee is expensive, but cheap if you use it correctly. I purchase good quality ground coffee. When I make a 12 cup pot of coffee, I immediately pour the whole thing into a reused plastic juice bottle. There is usually 1 cup over the container size that I drink. Then I keep it at room temperature in the sealed container, close to the coffee pot. When I am ready for another cup, I put it in a mug and heat it in the microwave. No more burnt tasting coffee from setting after making on the coffee warmer. No stale coffee to throw away, and no waste. I drink a lot of coffee and don't pay half of what most of my friends pay for coffee supplies. Waste not, want not. By Dave Woodman I use my big stainless steel thermos from the days, when I worked in the aluminum smelter in Kittimat. It keeps the coffee hot longer, without making it sour. I also use another trick: I try to get Extra Fine Grind, which is actually a wacky blend of everything, that got ground too fine, and is often sold at a discount. Briefly. Until they find out that the coffee connoisseurs snatch it up and hoard it. Then the price follows demand, and goes up sharply. Then I got to look for Extra Fine Grind elsewhere. If I can't get it, I use my little electric coffee grinder and re-grind the Fine Grind coffee to a fine powder, and pour it, still hot and fragrant from the grinding, straight from the grinder into the filter. Using that trick, you can reduce the number of scoops by two, and still get the same or better flavor. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Learn How To Make Sushi Brand New High Quality Sushi Cook Book. Discover The Secrets Of Making The Ever Popular And Exotic Sushi Dishes.

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says "not yet." A little later they ask again to see the baby. Again the mother says "not yet." Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?" And the mother says, "When the baby cries." They all ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?" The new mother says, "because I forgot where I put it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A fellow computer programmer for a consulting group had designed some software for one of our largest accounts. He asked my help in putting it into operation. At first, he handled most of the work. Eventually, though, he asked me to help with the last phase of the training. When I sat down with one woman and told her I would be showing her how to make changes to the files, she sighed with relief. "I'm so glad you're teaching me instead of him." Surprised, I said that my colleague was far more experienced than I was. "Yes," she said, "but I feel much more comfortable with you. I get nervous around smart people."
» Rain or Shine


Today, April 12, in
1096 Peter the Hermit gathered his army in Cologne.
1204 The Fourth Crusade sacked Constantinople.
1606 England adopted the original Union Jack as its flag.
1782 The British navy won its only naval engagement 
  against the colonists in the American Revolution at 
  the Battle of Saints, off Dominica.
1799 Phineas Pratt patented the comb cutting machine.
1811 The first colonists arrived at Cape Disappointment, 
  Washington.
1833 Charles Gaylor patented the fireproof safe.
1861 Fort Sumter was shelled by Confederacy, starting 
  America's Civil War.
1864 Confederate Gen. Nathan Bedford Forrest captured 
  Fort Pillow in Tennessee and slaughters the black Union 
  troops there.
1877 A catcher's mask was used in a baseball game for the 
  first time by James Alexander Tyng.
1892 Voters in Lockport, New York, became the first in 
  the U.S. to use voting machines.
1911 Pierre Prier completed the first non-stop London-Paris 
  flight in three hours and 56 minutes.
1916 American cavalrymen and Mexican bandit troops 
  clashed at Parrel, Mexico.
1927 The British Cabinet came out in favor of women 
  voting rights.
1938 The first U.S. law requiring a medical test for a 
  marriage license was enacted in New York.
1944 The U.S. Twentieth Air Force was activated to begin 
  the strategic bombing of Japan.
1955 The University of Michigan Polio Vaccine Evaluation 
  Center announced that the polio vaccine of Dr. Jonas Salk
  was "safe, effective and potent."
1961 Soviet Yuri Alexeyevich Gagarin became first man 
  to orbit the Earth.
1963 Police used dogs and cattle prods on peaceful 
  civil rights demonstrators in Birmingham, AL.
1981 The space shuttle Columbia blasted off from 
  Cape Canaveral, FL, on its first test flight.
1982 The British Navy began enforcing a blockade around 
  the Falkland Islands.
1984 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Challenger 
  made the first satellite repair in orbit by returning 
  the Solar Max satellite to space.
1985 In Spain, an explosion in a restaurant near a U.S. 
  base killed 17 people.
1987 Texaco filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy after it failed 
  to settle a legal dispute with Pennzoil Co.
1988 Harvard University won a patent for a genetically 
  altered mouse. It was the first patent for a life form.
1989 In the U.S.S.R, ration cards were issued for the 
  first time since World War II. Sugar shortage.
1993 NATO began enforcing a no-fly zone over Bosnia and 
  Herzegovina.
2000 More than 1,500 anti-drug agents raided four cities 
  in Colombia and arrested 46 members of the "most powerful" 
  heroin ring.
2013  smiled


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Which laser printer? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, April 11

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

All movements go too far. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law? --- Dick Clark
A girl says to the salesman, "I'm not sure if I should buy a sweatshirt or a windbreaker." He says, "Well, that depends. Are you going sweat, or are you going to break wind?"
The Grain-free Solution System A Combination Of Cookbook + Lifestyle Tips And Tricks For Applying Grain-free Principles To Everyday Life For A Rockin' Body, Optimum Health, And Disease Recovery / Prevention Get the The Grain-free Solution System NOW!

A teenaged boy with spiked hair, nose ring, and baggy clothes was overheard saying to his friend, "I don't really like to dress like this, but it's the only thing that gets me out of having to go shopping with Mom."
Thanks to Moe for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jennifer Hutto, 42, Winter Haven, Florida Slow Learner - Repeatedly Jailed After Refusing To Stop Using Counterfeit Money Reported by The Weekly Vice Jennifer Hutto, a 42-year-old Lakeland woman was jailed and then jailed again after she was repeatedly found to be in possession of counterfeit bills. According to Winter Haven Police, Officers were dispatched to a local Dairy Queen after Hutto paid for her purchase with counterfeit bills and then drove away. Officers stopped her vehicle a short distance away from the restaurant and discovered $660 worth of fake $20 bills in her possession. She was charged with possessing counterfeit notes, passing counterfeit notes and driving on a suspended driver's license. Officers had her vehicle removed from the scene and impounded while she was booked into jail. After Hutto bonded out of jail, detectives learned that she had an outstanding warrant for her arrest in Polk County where she allegedly passed counterfeit bills on numerous occasions. Knowing that she would likely come to the police impound lot to get her car back, investigators kept the welcome mat out for her and planned to arrest her at the scene. As expected, Hutto arrived at the impound lot and attempted to retrieve her car. As officers took her into custody, she reportedly tried to hide her purse. A subsequent search of her purse revealed a fresh batch of counterfeit bills. This time officers recovered $360 worth of counterfeit bills in $5 and $20 denominations. Hutto was booked into the Polk County Jail and charged with possession of counterfeit notes, passing counterfeit bank notes and smuggling contraband (bringing counterfeit bills into a government agency). Tech Support Pits FROM: Hank RE: Laser Printer Dear Webby, Thanks for all your helpful advice! I am tired of the ink-jet printer.....the cartridges are just too costly (ever the reconditioned ones.) What brand of laser desktop printer do you recommend? I prefer color. Our local wall-mart has an HP but it is just black. I went on E-bay and was overwhelmed by the different brands. Thanks Again!! hank Dear Hank You won't find a decent laser printer at eBay, or at Walmart. Nobody sells a used laser printer. People hang on to them until they are totally worn out, even if they have to read the instructions. HP I can't recommend either. Theirs don't seem to last, and their support is atrocious. Have a look at DELL. Their color lasers have come down in price quite nicely. I use their 1320c, which I bought about 5 years ago. With toner from Atlantic Inkjet .com it just keeps on printing. No hassle ever. Just drop another ream of paper in and it is happy. Nowadays they have cheaper ones than that, but considering what it saved me on consumables and by never breaking down, it was well worth the $199 I paid. Keep in mind that even though DELL's sales and support people are a class more professional than those of HP, they will still BS you to make a sale. They won't necessarily outright lie to you, but they tend to conveniently forget to mention inconvenient "features", or lack thereof. For example their newer computers don't have the standard dial-up modem for sending and recieving faxes, or to dial up, when the DSL is down. If you don't specifically ask, they won't tell you. The same goes for printers. Make a list of EVERY feature you can think of, before you start searching their online catalog or talking to a sales person. ANY salesperson's quote about per page cost is usually totally ridiculous and assumes just a short, double-spaced paragraph and no logo. However, printing the same amount of text and pictures, the cost per page with a laser printer is usually 1/10 of what it would cost to print the same with ink. Plus, infrequent printing does not dry or plug anything up on a laser printer. Re the toner, don't worry about it. They will try to sell you THEIR expensive toner. Just get the basic included toner, no extra. Usually the included toner is just half full samples. Once you have the printer, order full cartridges from Atlantic Inkjet .com. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freezing Cookie Dough in Ice Cube Trays Mix up your favorite cookie dough. Make extra and freeze in ice cube trays. When you want to bake several cookies or more pull out you ice cube tray and pop out as many cookies as you want to bake. I always have cookie dough in the freezer ready to bake. When you mix up your own dough, you know what is in it, and it saves you money over the store bought cookie dough. Source: A friend shared this info with me a long time ago. By Bobbie from Rockwall, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Learn How To Make Sushi Brand New High Quality Sushi Cook Book. Discover The Secrets Of Making The Ever Popular And Exotic Sushi Dishes.

While I'm not sure of the procedure now, when I was in the Navy, every so often, you got umpteen shots, whether you needed them or not. The carrier pilot in front of me as we passed thru the line asked for a drink of water after receiving what seemed to be at least a dozen different needles. The Corpsman asked if he was dizzy. "No, not at all." he replied. "I just wanna see if I'm still water-tight."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Rick When I go to a local discount store to get oil and filters for my car, I buy my wife a bouquet of flowers on display near the checkout counter. During one trip, some women in line behind me were oohing and aahing about a husband getting flowers for his wife. "How often do you do that?" one asked. Before I could answer, the cashier, more than familiar with my routine, said, "Every three months or 3,000 miles, whichever comes first."
» Mooooo Milkers


Today, April 11, in
1512 The forces of the Holy League were heavily defeated by 
  the French at the Battle of Ravenna.
1689 William III and Mary II were crowned as joint sovereigns 
  of Britain.
1783 After receiving a copy of the provisional treaty on 
  March 13, the U.S. Congress proclaimed a formal end to 
  hostilities with Great Britain.
1803 A twin-screw propeller steamboat was patented by 
  John Stevens.
1814 Napoleon was forced to abdicate his throne. The allied 
  European nations had marched into Paris on March 30, 1814. 
  He was banished to the island of Elba.
1876 The stenotype was patented by John C. Zachos.
1895 Anaheim, CA, completed its new electric light system.
1898 U.S. President William McKinley asked Congress for a 
  declaration of war with Spain.
1899 The treaty ending the Spanish-American War was declared 
  in effect.
1921 Iowa became the first state to impose a cigarette tax.
1941 German bombers blitzed Conventry, England.
1945 U.S. troops reached the Elbe River in Germany.
1945 During World War II, American soldiers liberated the 
  Nazi concentration camp of Buchenwald in Germany.
1951 U.S. President Truman fired General Douglas MacArthur 
  as head of United Nations forces in Korea.
1970 Apollo 13 blasted off on a mission to the moon that 
  was disrupted when an explosion crippled the spacecraft. 
  The astronauts did return safely.
1979 Idi Amin was deposed as president of Uganda as rebels 
  and exiles backed by Tanzanian forces seized control.
1980 The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission issued 
  regulations specifically prohibiting sexual harassment 
  of workers by supervisors.
1981 U.S. President Ronald Reagan returned to the White House 
  from the hospital after recovering from an assassination 
  attempt on March 30.
1981 In the Brixton area of London, a race riot erupted 
  that resulted in the injury of more than 300 people.
1984 China invaded Vietnam.
1985 Scientists in Hawaii measured the distance between the 
  earth and moon within one inch.
1986 Dodge Morgan sailed solo nonstop around the world in 
  150 days.
2001 China agreed to release 24 crewmembers of a U.S. 
  surveillance plane. The EP-3E Navy crew had been held 
  since April 1 on Hainon, where the plane had made an 
  emergency landing after an in-flight collision with a 
  Chinese fighter jet. The Chinese pilot was missing and 
  presumed dead.
2007 Apple announced that the iTunes Store had sold more 
  than two million movies. 
2013  smiled


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Missing girl email 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, April 10

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

No one goes there nowadays, it's too crowded. --- Yogi Berra (1925 - ) Some people make headlines while others make history. --- Philip Elmer-DeWitt Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. --- Fran Lebowitz If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. --- Socratex
Showing his friend around his home, Fred started to point out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years of marriage. "The day before I die, I'd like to sell every piece we've got just to see how much it's all worth." "But you couldn't possibly know the day before you were going to die, so how could you sell it." "Simple. When I sell it, my wife will kill me!"
The Grain-free Solution System A Combination Of Cookbook + Lifestyle Tips And Tricks For Applying Grain-free Principles To Everyday Life For A Rockin' Body, Optimum Health, And Disease Recovery / Prevention Get the The Grain-free Solution System NOW!

>From Arndt in Floriduh Seen in the parking lot of a brand new department store, painted on the ground at a crosswalk in letters 4 feet tall: YELD Close, but not close enough. The next week I drove through the same parking lot and found it was changed. They had painted an I between the existing letters. Now it read YEILD. About two months later they had again tried to fix it. The old lettering was painted over with black and freshly painted on top of that was the word SOTP.
Thanks to Moe for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joseph Rucker McFall, 30, Cobb County, GA Jailed After Beating His Infant Child Blind And Brain Damaged Reported by The Weekly Vice Joseph Rucker McFall, a 30-year-old Georgia bonehead, has been indicted after he allegedly beat his 8-week-old child so severely, the child was left blind and brain damaged. According to police, McFall brutally beat his infant child between August and October of last year. He was taken into custody in October when the child's injuries came to light. Prosecutors say the infant suffered multiple broken bones, subdural hemorrhaging and damaged or detached retinas as a result. McFall was booked into the Cobb County Jail and charged with two counts of aggravated battery and two counts of first-degree child cruelty. He remains held in lieu of $15,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Annette Re: Missing child email Dear Webby, I got an email about a missing 14 yr. old. her name is Ashley Flores, is this true or another scam eamil someone is sending around? Thanks, Annette. Dear Annette It's just a hoax sent out in order to collect the addreses of the most gullible people on the net. Don't even bother to send back a correction, just trash it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sharpen Your Vegetable Peeler Vegetable peelers go dull rather fast. I spent many, many years just tossing them out and buying new ones. I wish I learned this trick when I first moved out on my own: Just take the back of a paring knife and run it back and forth against the blades. Flip the peeler over and do the same. I bought a paring knife at the 99 cent store just for this purpose. You can do this on any kitchen equipment that has a blade. Try it, you'll be peeling faster in no time! By attosa from Los Angeles, CA If you have a honing steel, that works even better. If you don't, that's the metal stick you see butchers and chefs use with dizzying speed on their GOOD knifes. It is sometimes called "The Steel", because in the old days the knives were made from fairly cheap and easy to sharpen mild or high carbon iron. The steel honing rod was made from a very high grade steel similar to what was used for metal cutting files. The function of The Steel however, is not cutting or filing or removing metal, but to do some microscopic plowing and forging, and quickly restore a perfect cutting edge, without throwing away good metal. "The Steel" has been used on swords on the cruisades, where highly skilled, -and slow-, filers and grinders were hard to come by during battle. Todays honing "steels" are often available in ceramic or diamond dust coated metal. Real chefs and butchers sneer at those, like they do on the thick serrated blades. Professionals prefer old-fashioned ridged steel, and thin, easy to sharpen blades. A good example are the Ginsu knifes. If you see them at a yard sale, get them! With a steel you can get them back to razor sharp, like they were when new, with 5 - 10 strokes. They were made from a soft alloy, that makes them really easy to tune up with a hard steel. The same with big kitchen knives. Go for the thinnest blade, unless you need it for fighting. Kitchen knifes should be thin and a bit flexible, and except for the bread slicing knife, should NOT be serrated. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Learn How To Make Sushi Brand New High Quality Sushi Cook Book. Discover The Secrets Of Making The Ever Popular And Exotic Sushi Dishes.

After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another. The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained four new families." The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained six new families." The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's busy hitting the bottle."
» Levitations


Today, April 10, in
1741 Frederick II of Prussia defeated Maria Theresa's forces 
  at Mollwitz and conquered Silesia.
1790 The U.S. patent system was established.
1809 Austria declared war on France and its forces entered Bavaria.
1814 Napoleon was defeated at the Battle of Toulouse by the 
  British and the Spanish. The defeat led to his abdication 
  and exile to Elba.
1849 Walter Hunt patented the safety pin. He sold the 
  rights for $100.
1854 The constitution of the Orange Free State in South Africa 
  was proclaimed.
1862 Union forces began the bombardment of Fort Pulaski in 
  Georgia along the Tybee River.
1902 South African Boers accepted British terms of surrender.
1912 The Titanic set sail from Southampton, England.
1919 In Mexico, revolutionary leader Emiliano Zapata was 
  killed by government troops.
1930 The first synthetic rubber was produced.
1932 Paul von Hindenburg was elected president of Germany 
  with 19 million votes. Adolf Hitler came in second with 
 13 million votes.
1938 Germany annexed Austria after Austrians had voted 
  in a referundum to merge with Germany.
1941 In World War II, U.S. troops occupied Greenland to 
  prevent Nazi infiltration.
1941 Ford Motor Co. became the last major automaker to 
  recognize the United Auto Workers as the representative 
  for its workers.
1944 Russian troops recaptured Odessa from the Germans.
1945 German Me 262 jet fighters shot down ten U.S. bombers 
  near Berlin.
1953 Warner Bros. released "House of Wax." It was the first 
  3-D movie to be released by a major Hollywood studio.
1959 Japan's Crown Prince Akihito married commoner 
  Michiko Shoda.
1963 129 people died when the nuclear-powered submarine 
  USS Thresher failed to surface off Cape Cod, MA.
1972 An earthquake in southern Iran killed more than 5,000
1973 In Switzerland, 108 people died when a plane crashed 
  while attempting to land at Basel.
1980 Spain and Britain agreed to reopen the border between 
  Gibraltar and Spain. It had been closed since 1969.
1981 Imprisoned IRA hunger striker Bobby Sands was elected 
  to the British Parliament.
1984 The U.S. Senate condemned the CIA mining of 
  Nicaraguan harbors.
1990 Three European hostages kidnapped at sea in 1987 by 
  Palestinian extremists were released in Beirut.
1992 A bomb exploded in London's financial district. The bomb, 
  set off by the Irish Republican Army, killed three people 
  and injured 91.
1993 South African Communist Party leader Chris Hani was 
  assassinated.
1994 NATO warplanes launched air strikes for the first time 
  on Serb forces that were advancing on the Bosnian Muslim 
  town of Gordazde. The area had been declared a U.N. 
  safe area.
1996 U.S. President Clinton vetoed a bill that would have 
  outlawed a technique used to end pregnancies in their 
  late stages.
1998 Negotiators reached a peace accord on governing British 
  ruled Northern Ireland. Britain's direct rule was ended.
1999 The www.June4.org web site was launched by Chinese 
  dissidents and human rights activists to promote their 
  campaign for democracy in China.
2001 The Netherlands legalized mercy killings and assisted 
  suicide for patients  with unbearable, terminal illness.
2009 In Fiji, President Josefa Iloilo suspended the nation's 
  Constitution, dismissed all judges and constitutional 
  appointees and assumed all governance in the country.
2013  smiled


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QR Code, 2D bar code 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, April 9.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are. --- Bertolt Brecht (1898 - 1956)
One of my college friends asked a group of us for advice on organizing her final report for the year. "Why don't you use Roman numerals to head the different sections?" another friend suggested. "I thought of that," she replied. "But I got a Mac, and my keyboard doesn't have Roman numerals on it."
The Grain-free Solution System A Combination Of Cookbook + Lifestyle Tips And Tricks For Applying Grain-free Principles To Everyday Life For A Rockin' Body, Optimum Health, And Disease Recovery / Prevention Get the The Grain-free Solution System NOW!

Also known as 'women's intuition,' this sixth sense thing is no myth. Women seem to know what's going on in their man's lives almost better than they do. Why is this? In the early 80's researchers discovered that women have more connections between the brain's two hemispheres than men do. It's these connections that allow them to put together a puzzle from seemingly unconnectable pieces... That, and they go through your stuff while you're in the shower.
Thanks to Moe for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Marcus O'Neal, 28, Springfield, MO Jailed After Beating, Strip Searching Woman After She "Liked" A Girlfriend's Photograph On Facebook Reported by The Weekly Vice Marcus O'Neal, a 28-year-old Springfield bonehead, was jailed after he allegedly beat, strip searched and strangled his girlfriend because she "liked" a friend's photograph on Facebook. According to police, O'Neal turned violent and attacked his girlfriend after he looked at her Facebook page and noticed that she had "liked" a friend's photograph. The photograph in question belonged to the woman's girlfriend, who was seen standing next to a male companion. O'Neal became jealous, however, believing that his girlfriend wanted to be romantically involved with the man in the photograph. Although the victim pleaded that she had no interest in the man in the photograph, O'Neal slapped her across the face. He then allegedly grabbed the woman by the neck, drug her to a bedroom and threw her onto the bed. O'Neal paused for a moment to tell the victim's children that she had been cheating on him and was nothing but a "whore." He then slapped the woman again. About a half hour after the attack began, both the woman and her children were crying. That's when O'Neal closed the windows so neighbors couldn't hear the crying and screaming. He then locked the door so no one could interrupt what he was about to do next. He then forced the woman to strip naked in front of him so he could search her body for signs of sexual activity. O'Neal spit on the woman, threatened to kill her family and yelled obscenities at her. When O'Neal eventually became tired, the woman thought of an excuse to leave the house and checked herself into a hospital. Officers who were called to the hospital found scratch marks and bruising on the woman's neck which were consistent with her statement. O'Neal, who was out of jail on bond after he assaulted the same woman, was taken into custody. He told investigators that he never touched the woman and that the injuries on her neck were actually hickeys. He was booked into the Greene County Jail and charged with three counts of domestic assault. His bond has been set at $25,000. Tech Support Pits From: Alice Re: Funny stamp on Sushi ad Dear Webby What is that funny stamp size pattern on the Sushi ad? I have seen it or similar ones on various web sites, but have never seen any explanation for it. What are they all about? Alice Dear Alice Those stamps are QR codes or 2D bar codes. QR stands for Quick response. Originally the QR codes were just used by Japanese car makers to identify parts and components.Nowadays, because they are compact and practically without a limit, they are also used for web site URLs. For example, the code for the Humor letter is If that code was on some other site or in a paper, then you could scan that with a smart phone, and it would open the Humor Letter for you. You could also scan it with a smart-phone off the computer screen and send the URL or store it. QR codes can be as small as 60 x 60 pixels, or as large as a corn field maze. If you use a smart phone, the QR codes can be handy. If you don't, just ignore them. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pill Bottle Hide-a-Key If you are looking for a way to hide a key outside, a pill bottle makes a great weather-proof container. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Learn How To Make Sushi Brand New High Quality Sushi Cook Book. Discover The Secrets Of Making The Ever Popular And Exotic Sushi Dishes.

A young married couple lived in a cheap housing complex an hour north of London. Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone. She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her neighbor. "Give this to your husband," he said thrusting a roll of toilet paper into her hands. "He's been yelling for it for 15 minutes!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Goodman was a moderately successful stockbroker who dreamed of making the big money someday. He took his friend out for a drive, and he chose the route carefully in order to impress on him the possibilities of the brokerage business. "Look at that yacht," he said as they drove slowly past a marina. "That 96' beauty belongs to the senior partner at Merrill Lynch. That one over there 104' is owned by the head of Goldman, Sachs. And look at that huge 210' yacht out there. That's the pride and joy of the top seller at Prudential-Bache." His friend Morris was silent. Goodman turned to look at him and saw a pained look on his face. "What's the matter?" Goodman asked. "I was just wondering," Morris said, "why aren't there any customers' yachts?"
» Apple Orchards


Today, April 9, in
0193 In the Balkans, the distinguished soldier Septimius 
  Seversus was proclaimed emperor by the army in Illyricum.
1241 In the Battle of Liegnitz, Mongol armies defeated the 
  Poles and the Germans.
1454 The city states of Venice, Milan and Florence signed 
  a peace agreement at Lodi, Italy.
1682 Robert La Salle claimed the lower Mississippi River 
  and all lands that touch it for France.
1770 Captain James Cook discovered Botany Bay on the 
  Australian continent.
1865 At Appomattox Court House, Virginia, General Robert E. Lee 
  surrendered his Confederate Army to Union General Ulysses S. 
  Grant. Grant allowed Rebel officers to keep their sidearms and 
  permitted soldiers to keep their horses and mules. Though there 
  were still Confederate armies in the field, the war was 
  officially over. The four years of fighting had killed 360,000 
  Union troops and 260,000 Confederate troops.
1867 The U.S. Senate ratified the treaty with Russia that 
  purchased the territory of Alaska by one vote.
1869 The Hudson Bay Company ceded its territory to Canada.
1872 S.R. Percy received a patent for dried milk.
1900 British forces routed the Boers at Kroonstadt, South Africa.
1905 The first aerial ferry bridge went into operation in 
  Duluth, MN.
1914 In London, the first full-color film, 
  "The World, The Flesh & the Devil," was shown.
1917 The Battle of Arras began as Canadian troops began 
  a massive assault on Vimy Ridge.
1918 Latvia proclaimed its independence.
1928 Mae West made her debut on Broadway in the 
  production of "Diamond Lil."
1940 Germany invaded Norway and Denmark.
1942 In the Battle of Bataan, American and Filipino forces 
  were overwhelmed by the Japanese Army.
1945 At Bari, Italy, the Liberty exploded and killed 360. 
  The ship was carrying aerial bombs.
1957 The Suez Canal was cleared for all shipping.
1959 NASA announced the selection of America's first 
  seven astronauts.
1967 The first Boeing 737 was rolled out for use.
1976 The U.S. and Russia agreed on the size of nuclear tests 
  for peaceful use.
1981 The U.S. Submarine George Washington struck and sunk 
  a small Japanese freighter in the East China Sea. 
  The Nissho Maru's captain and first mate died.
1983 The space shuttle Challenger concluded it first flight.
1984 Nicaragua asked the World Court to declare U.S. support 
  for guerilla raids illegal.
1985 Japanese Premier Nakasone urged Japanese people to buy 
  foreign products.
1988 The U.S. imposed economic sanctions on Panama.
1989 16 civilians were killed during rioting in Soviet Georgia.
1989 Hundreds of thousands marched past the White House in 
  support of the right to abortion.
1991 Georgia voted to secede from the U.S.S.R.
1992 Former Panamanian ruler Manuel Noriega was convicted in 
  Miami, FL, of eight drug and racketeering charges.
1998 More than 150 Muslims died in stampede in Mecca, 
  Saudi Arabia, on last day of the haj pilgrimage.
1999 In Niger, President Ibrahim Baré Maïnassara was 
  assassinated. Daouda Malam Wanke was designated president 
  two days later. 
2013  smiled


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Too much contrast with digital camera 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, April 8.

Fresh snow and a very cold wind.
Today I have to drive to Calgary for a visit to the
colon cancer screening center. They want to screen
everybody, and won't to do the consultation over the
Internet. That sure does not inspire a lot of confidence!
Oh, well. Maybe the snow will melt by noon and it won't 
be too messy on the freeway.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. --- Eugene McCarthy (1916 - 2005) The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time. --- Friedrich Nietzsche You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. --- Woody Allen
An engineer, a physicist, and a statistician were moose hunting in northern Canada. After a short walk through the marshes they spotted a HUGE moose 150 meters away. The engineer raised his gun and fired at the moose. A puff of dust showed that the bullet landed 3 meters to the right of the moose. The physicist, realizing that there was a substantial breeze that the engineer did not account for, aimed to the left of the moose and fired. The bullet landed 3 meters to the left of the moose. The statistician jumped up and down screaming, "We got him! We got him!" Then the moose charged and got all three of them.
The Grain-free Solution System A Combination Of Cookbook + Lifestyle Tips And Tricks For Applying Grain-free Principles To Everyday Life For A Rockin' Body, Optimum Health, And Disease Recovery / Prevention Get the The Grain-free Solution System NOW!

The Supermarket near our house has an automatic mist machine to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of a thunderstorm. When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cackle. So far I have not gone down the toilet paper aisle.
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ann Marie Cummings, 44, Rochester, Michigan Charged With DUI After Driving On License That Had Been Suspended 24 Times Reported by The Weekly Vice Ann Marie Cummings, a 44-year-old Rochester drunk, was jailed Sunday after she allegedly drove while intoxicated on a license that has been suspended 24 times. According to police, a witness flagged down an officer around 12:15 p.m. to report that she had just been struck from behind by another vehicle that refused to stop. The witness was able to give a detailed description of the vehicle which allowed officers to locate and pull over the offending vehicle. Officers approached the vehicle and found a drunk Cummings behind the wheel. Investigators say Cummings admitted to striking the vehicle and stated that she fled the scene because her license had been suspended and she knew she would be arrested. When officers ran Cummings's name, they discovered that her license had previously been suspended a total of 24 times. Officers also discovered that there were six different outstanding warrants for her arrest. In addition, she was also in possession of a muscle relaxer that she didn't possess a prescription for. All in all, officers had 31 valid reasons to take her into custody. Cummings was booked into jail and charged with driving while intoxicated, and driving on a suspended license. Her bond was set at $2,000. She probably won't be driving again until Monday. Tech Support Pits From: Jane Re: Too much contrast Dear Webby When I take pictures tha include shaded areas and sunlit areas, or indoor pictures that are unevenly lit, I wind up with pitch black areas. I never had that problem when I was using film, and I see with your pictures, that not everybody has that problem. What do I need to do differently? Jane Dear Jane That is normal with really low end cameras, especially if they were a "Bonus" for subscribing to a cooking or fashion magazine, and if they have a tiny lens. Better cameras take a light reading through the lens, and average out a number of different spots in the picture, or read a spot at the center. Cheaper cameras have a light meter at the front that just averages anything in front of it. Most digital cameras let you stash a reading by partially depressing the shutter. Focus at a dark or shaded area, partially depress the shutter, and then point the camera to the picture composition you want. It will then take the picture as if everything was in the shade. Some areas will be slightly overexposed, and the sky may be white, but the shaded areas won't be black. A slightly more expensive camera will take care of that automatically. However, even with good cameras you will often drag a reading. For example, when I take a sunset sky picture, I usually point the camera up to where the sky is already darker, partially depress the shutter to lock the light meter, then point it to where I want to take the picture, and then click through. With the light meter locked for a darker area, the sunset colors come out much brighter and more vibrant. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Sun Hat in Car I am often driving into the late afternoon sun, and since I am short, the sun visor is not much help. Now I keep a hat with a floppy brim in the car so I can just pull the brim down on my face where I need it. This is also safer than being blinded by the sun. By Pat Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Learn How To Make Sushi Brand New High Quality Sushi Cook Book. Discover The Secrets Of Making The Ever Popular And Exotic Sushi Dishes.

"My poor man", said the kind old lady to the beggar, "it must be dreadful to be lame. But think how much worse it would be if you were blind." "You got that right, lady," agreed the beggar. "When I was blind, I was always getting counterfeit money."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The 12-year-old boy stood patiently beside the clock counter while the store clerk waited on all of the adult customers. Finally he got around to the youngster, who made his purchase and hurried out to the curb, where his father was impatiently waiting in his car. "What took you so long, son?" he asked. "The man waited on everybody in the store before me," the boy replied. "But I got even." "How?" "I wound and set all the alarm clocks and kitchen timers while I was waiting," the youngster explained happily. "It's going to be a noisy place this afternoon!"
» Vintage Fashions


Today, April 8, in
1513 Explorer Juan Ponce de Leon claimed Florida for Spain.
1525 Albert von Brandenburg, the leader of the Teutonic Order, 
  assumes the title "Duke of Prussia" and passed the first laws 
  of the Protestant church, making Prussia a Protestant state.
1789 The U.S. House of Representatives held its first meeting.
1832 About 300 American troops of the 6th Infantry left 
  Jefferson Barracks, St. Louis, to confront the Sauk Indians 
  in the Black Hawk War.
1873 Alfred Paraf patented the first successful oleomargarine.
1939 Italy invaded Albania.
1942 The Soviets opened a rail link to the besieged city of Leningrad.
1946 The League of Nations assembled in Geneva for the last time.
1952 U.S. President Truman seized steel mills to prevent a 
  nationwide strike.
1953 The bones of Sitting Bull were moved from North Dakota 
  to South Dakota.
1962 Bay of Pigs invaders got thirty years imprisonment in Cuba.
1985 India filed suit against Union Carbide for the Bhopal 
  disaster.
1990 In Nepal, King Birendra lifted the 30-year ban on political parties.
1992 In Britain, the last issue of "Punch Magazine" was published.
1994 Smoking was banned in the Pentagon and all U.S. military bases.
2000 19 U.S. troops were killed when a Marine V22 Osprey crashed 
  during a training mission in Arizona.
2013  smiled


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XP mode in Windows 7 PRO a waste of money 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, April 7.

Thank you, Norm!

Happy Beer Day!

It seems the media have decided that the term
"Illegal Alien" is not politically correct.
The currently politically correct term apparently is:
"Undocumented Democrat".

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it. --- Soren Kierkegaard (1813 - 1855) The marvel of all history is the patience with which men and women submit to burdens unnecessarily laid upon them by their governments. --- William H. Borah
A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom saying to himself, "How can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we dated, but she's bound to find out sooner or later." Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "How do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out." The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, puts his arm around her shoulder, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make." And she says, "So have I, love." To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks!"
Petsumer Report Pet Food Ratings And Reviews People Want To Know...which Pet Foods Use Risky Imports. Petsumer Report Tells Them And A Lot More! Easy Comparisons On Over 2,500 Dog Foods, Cat Foods, And Pet Treats. The Petsumer Report is very affordable.

A man had been driving all night, and by morning, was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze, when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place. "Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?" The man looked at the car clock and answered, "Eight fifteen." The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off, when there was another knock on the window and another jogger asked, "Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?" The man was a little irritated and growled, "It's twenty minutes past eight!" The jogger thanked the man and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying, "I do not know the time!" Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off, when there was another knock on the window. Another jogger said, "Sir, it's eight thirty."
Click on the picture for the large version Soon in the garden!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jose Zarate, 25, in jail now in Phoenix, AZ Mother murdered in front of teen daughter after she denies sex with her to undocumented democrat. Reported by ClashDaily.com AGUILA, Ariz. -- Maricopa County Sheriff's detectives are investigating a murder that happened late Monday night near Powell and 2nd Street. Authorities say an argument ensued after the suspect, 25-year-old Jose Zarate, went to 31-year-old Maria Saucedo's home around 9:30 p.m. When the two began fighting about Zarate wanting to have a sex with Saucedo's 13-year-old daughter, he pulled out a rifle and shot her in the chest at close range -- in the presence of the teen. According to the MCSO report, "One of several witnesses to the crime apparently disarmed Zarate before he fled the area on foot." When they arrived at the scene, deputies administered CPR on Saucedo, but she was later pronounced dead. "How awful this is that a mother loses her life in the process of defending her daughter's honor," said Sheriff Joe Arpaio. On Wednesday, deputies arrested Zarate. He was found at his home. Deputy Joaquin Enriquez stated, "Sheriff's deputies say Zarate is a non-U.S. citizen who has been living in the country without proper authorization." Zarate was booked into the 4th Avenue Jail on the following charges: 2nd degree murder, two counts of aggravated assault and possession of a weapon by a prohibited person. Tech Support Pits From: Benj Re: XP-Mode in W-7 Pro Dear Webby How usable is XP-Mode in Windows 7 Pro? I need to run some XP accounting software. Benj Dear Benj XP-mode is not really XP. It is a cruelly damaged and handicapped parody of XP. For example, you can't adjust the screen resolution, or font zoom, which means you need a magnifying glass to read text in XP or DOS programs. It is most definitely NOT worth the extra money. You are MUCH better off to try and get an old XP with set-up CD at some garage sale. Even if you have to replace the hard drive, or install into a new computer, you are much better off. The Original XP won't have easy, automatic networking, but it can be networked with a bit of old-fashioned Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Old Binder Rings for Kitchen Storage I know we have a few old binders that were falling apart from use. I decided to pull the binder ring part out and use for hanging stuff in the kitchen. They already have holes in them so it was easy to hang. You could also spray paint them. By coville123 from Brockville, Ontario Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Liven Up Your Home With Over 7250 Breathtaking Landscaping Designs Simply copy one or some of the 7250 Designs, Instructions & Videos and build the tandscape tou tlways tanted! WITHOUT Hiring Costly Professional Landscape Designers. That makes it easier and affordable. Get 7250 Landscaping Ideas Now!

Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked. "Yeah, my mom and dad have one," the other replied. "What's it for?" asked the first boy. "I don't know," the second boy answered. "I think you stand on it and it either makes you cuss or cry. That's what it does to my Dad and Mom."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A minister in a little church had been having trouble with the collections. One Sunday he announced, "Now, before we pass the collection plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the chickens from Farmer Condill's henhouse please refrain from giving any money to the Lord. The Lord doesn't want money from a thief!" The collection plate was passed around, and for the first time in months everybody gave.
» Folk Art


Today, April 7, in
1652 The Dutch established a settlement at Cape Town, South Africa.
1712 A slave revolt broke out in New York City.
1798 The territory of Mississippi was organized.
1864 The first camel race in America was held in Sacramento, California.
1922 U.S. Secretary of Interior leased Teapot Dome naval 
  oil reserves in Wyoming.
1933 Prohibition ended in the United States.
1945 The Japanese battleship Yamato, the world’s largest battleship, 
  was sunk during the battle for Okinawa. The fleet was headed for a 
  suicide mission.
1953 IBM unveiled the IBM 701 Electronic Data Processing Machine. 
  It was IBM's first commercially available scientific computer.
1963 At the age of 23, Jack Nicklaus became the youngest golfer to 
  win the Green Jacket at the Masters Tournament.
1963 Yugoslavia proclaimed itself a Socialist republic.
1963 Josip Broz Tito was proclaimed to be the leader of 
  Yugoslavia for life.
1966 The U.S. recovered a hydrogen bomb it had lost off the 
  coast of Spain.
1967 Israel reported that they had shot down six Syrian MIGs.
1969 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously struck down laws prohibiting 
  private possession of obscene material.
1971 U.S. President Nixon pledged to withdraw 100,000 more men 
  from Vietnam by December.
1980 The U.S. broke diplomatic relations with Iran and imposed 
  economic sanctions in response to the taking of hostages on 
  November 4, 1979.
1985 The Soviet Union announced a unilateral freeze on medium-range 
  nuclear missiles.
1988 Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev agreed to final terms of a 
  Soviet withdrawal from Afghanistan. Soviet troops began leaving 
  on May 16, 1988.
1988 In Fort Smith, AR, 13 white supremacists were acquitted 
  on charges for plotting to overthrow the U.S. federal government.
1989 A Soviet submarine carrying nuclear weapons sank in the 
  Norwegian Sea.
1990 In the U.S., John Poindexter was found guilty of five counts 
  at his Iran-Contra trial. The convictions were later 
  reversed on appeal.
1998 Mary Bono, the widow of Sonny Bono, won a special election to 
  serve out the remainder of her husband's congressional term.
1999 Yugoslav authorities sealed off Kosovo's main border crossings 
  to prevent ethnic Albanians from leaving.
2000 U.S. President Clinton signed the Senior Citizens Freedom to 
  Work Act of 2000. The bill reversed a Depression-era law and allows 
  senior citizens to earn money without losing Social Security 
  retirement benefits.
2013  smiled


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Protect a laptop keyboard 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, April 6.

Thank you, Norm!

Britain reported that during the unusually cold March a bit 
over 5000 MORE people froze to death in Britain than in any 
March in recent history. They are quite casual about elders not
having enough money for extra coal or gas, but they do track
the deaths meticulously, to ensure that no relatives cash 
checks on behalf of frozen Brits. However, they claim that
they had issued 635,000 MORE "Cold Weather Payments" than 
they sent out in previous years. 

"Cold Weather Payments" are additional supplemental funds 
sent out to needy elders when average temperatures 
drop below historic seasonal averages for 7 days or more.

There is very little talk about Gullible Warming in England
these days. Maybe it will happen after the next ice age?

Even here in North America, talk about man made grain fuel 
(CO2) causing gullible warming is rather muted these days.
The "scientists" who had frantically and hysterically 
screeched about a hockey stick curve have come to realise
that there does not seem to be any relation between 
grain fuel and climate.

Actually, there IS a relation, but as I have pointed 
out for a dozen years, it is the other way around. 
Grain Fuel, like everything in nature, lags years behind, 
and is an indicator, of what kind of climate we HAD.
It is an indicator, not a cause!

If you look  at it that way, then all of a sudden the
pretty curves match.

Too bad Al Gore and the Jewish Mother-In-Law club can't
use that to make you feel guilty and donate money for them
to administer!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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The most dangerous strategy is to jump a chasm in two leaps. --- Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881) The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. --- Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)
>From Fran Can you please run that Mammogram classic joke again? Thanks Fran I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, "Hi! I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into this room right hereee, strip to the waist, thennn slip on this gown. Everything clearrrr? I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science." Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?' Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity, when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off! "Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed for the door. "Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?" I shouted. Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy... the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be rightttt backkk." Before I could shout "NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass! After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks." "You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store. Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?" And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her empty head ended up between the clamps.
Petsumer Report Pet Food Ratings And Reviews People Want To Know...which Pet Foods Use Risky Imports. Petsumer Report Tells Them And A Lot More! Easy Comparisons On Over 2,500 Dog Foods, Cat Foods, And Pet Treats. The Petsumer Report is very affordable.

A friend took her dog to the parlor for a haircut, and asked what it would cost. Being told that it would cost her $50, she was outraged. "I only pay 30 bucks for my own haircut!" The groomer replied, "That may be true. But then you don't usually bite, do you?!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jaamid Ade Zaid, 33, San Jose, California Jailed After Driving Car Through Walmart Entrance, Beating Customers With Metal Bar Reported by The Weekly Vice Jaamid Ade Zaid, a 33-year-old California man, was jailed after he drove his car into a San Jose Walmart, stepped out of the car and then began beating bystanders with a blunt metal object. According to San Jose Police, officers were dispatched to a local Walmart after receiving reports that someone had driven a vehicle into the store. Witnesses at the scene told police that a man, later identified as Zaid, was seen speeding through the Walmart parking lot before crashing into two cars. Zaid then crashed through the store's Pharmacy and market entrance after a first attempt to drive into the store failed. Zaid's vehicle came to rest after it was eventually stopped by a stack of beer cases. That's when Zaid allegedly jumped out of the car, picked up a metal bar and began beating customers and a store employee with it. Zaid struck a 61-year-old employee in the head when the employee stepped towards the vehicle to assist the situation. The employee is now recovering at a local hospital. Three people were taken to the hospital, two of them are listed in serious condition. Six more people were treated at the scene. Zaid's rampage came to an end when a group of onlookers dog piled on top of him and held him down until police arrived. Investigators said Zaid appeared to be under the influence of methamphetamine. Zaid was booked into the Santa Clara County Jail and charged with assault with a deadly weapon and felony hit and run. He currently remains held without bond. Tech Support Pits From: Sarah Re: Protect laptop keyboard Dear Webby One of the Thrifty Fun tips mentioned putting Saran wrap over a keyboard. Is is safe to do that on a laptop? Sarah Dear Sarah NO! Most defiitely NOT! Modern laptops breathe through your keyboard. They pull air in at the bttom or back, and exhaust some or all of it through the keyboard. Just get a comfortable keyboard for $10 - $20 and plug it into a USB hub. If you leave your laptop running to avoid the tedious start-up, set lid closing to cause "Hibernating". That way you can close the lid when you are done, and let it idle down to where there are just some LEDs left on, and it can cool off. That way there is no problem with cats sleeping on the warm keyboard and causing your computer to overheat. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Upcycle Sneakers as Garden Planters I couldn't bear to toss my favorite gardening sneaks. So I used them for planters instead. I nailed them to a fence post and planted some orphaned pole beans in them. Even if I get no beans from the plants, it will be an interesting look. Source: My own frugalicity :) By ~gloria from upstate NY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Liven Up Your Home With Over 7250 Breathtaking Landscaping Designs Simply copy one or some of the 7250 Designs, Instructions & Videos and build the tandscape tou tlways tanted! WITHOUT Hiring Costly Professional Landscape Designers. That makes it easier and affordable. Get 7250 Landscaping Ideas Now!

I was in my wills and trusts course when the professor posed this question to the students: Why do people choose to have their children, rather than their siblings, inherit their estate? After students offered various theories, one fellow raised his hand. "This may be a bit off the point," he said, "but when I was little, when my brother and sister finished playing with me, they usually put me into a drawer."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
!!! BREAD IS DANGEROUS !!! Research on bread indicates that: 1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users. 2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests. 3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations. 4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread. 5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month! 6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis. 7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days. 8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts. 9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person. 10. Newborn babies can choke on bread. 11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute. 12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling. In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made: 1. No sale of bread to minors. 2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers. 3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread. 4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage. 5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.
» the Smithsonian


Today, April 6, in
1199 English King Richard I was killed by an arrow at the 
  siege of the castle of Chaluz in France.
1814 Granted sovereignty in the island of Elba and a pension 
  from the French government, Napoleon Bonaparte abdicates at 
  Fountainebleau. He was allowed to keep the title of emperor.
1830 Joseph Smith and five others organized the Mormon Church 
  in Seneca, NY.
1830 Relations between the Texans and Mexico reached a new low 
  when Mexico would not allow further emigration into Texas by 
  settlers from the U.S.
1862 The American Civil War Battle of Shiloh began in Tennessee.
1875 Alexander Graham Bell was granted a patent for the multiple 
  telegraph, which sent two signals at the same time.
1896 The first modern Olympic Games began in Athens, Greece.
1909 Americans Robert Peary and Matthew Henson claimed to be 
  the first men to reach the North Pole.
1917 The U.S. Congress approved a declaration of war on 
  Germany and entered World War I on the Allied side.
1938 The United States recognized the German conquest of Austria.
1941 German forces invaded Greece and Yugoslavia.
1953 Iranian Premier Mossadegh demanded that the shah's 
  power be reduced.
1957 Trolley cars in New York City completed their final runs.
1965 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson authorized the use of 
  ground troops in combat operations in Vietnam, then later
  stabbed them in the back with defunding.
1967 In South Vietnam, 1,500 Viet Cong attacked Quangtri and 
  freed 200 prisoners.
1981 A Yugoslav Communist Party official confirmed reports of 
  intense ethnic riots in Kosovo.
1983 The U.S. Veteran's Administration announced it would give 
  free medical care for conditions traceable to radiation 
  exposure to more than 220,000 veterans who participated in 
  nuclear tests from 1945 to 1962.
1985 William J. Schroeder became the first artificial heart 
  recipient to be discharged from the hospital.
1998 Federal researchers in the U.S. announced that daily 
  tamoxifen pills could cut breast cancer risk among 
  high-risk women.
1998 Pakistan successfully tested medium-range missiles 
  capable of attacking neighboring India. 
2013  smiled


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