Etrade Baby Loses Everything 



Online trading: it's like giving guns to monkeys.




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Wrong format newsletters 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, Aug 8

The clover flowers were brown and ready to be cut and blown 
all over the lawn. Since clover is tougher than dandylions and
overpowers them, I time my mowing to help them. I noticed 
that this year the department of Education has copied my 
method for the high school soccer field across the street 
from me. Sure beats wasting a big pile of money on weed
killers!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"One ship sails east, another west, By the self same winds that blow. It isn't the gales, it's the set of the sails, That determines the way we go." --- Ella Wheeler Wilcox
The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace. "How many of you," he asked, "would say you're opposed to war?" Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked, "who'll give us the reason for being opposed to war?" A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised his hand. "Johnny?" The teacher said. "I hate war," Johnny said, "because wars make history, and then some poor innocent kid has to memorize that boring stuff."
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

A lady was browsing through everything at a yard sale and said to the hostess, "My husband is going to be so upset when he finds out I stopped at a yard sale." "I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him about all the bargains you found," the hostess replied. "Normally, yes," the lady said. "But he just broke his leg, and he's waiting for me to take him to the hospital to have it set."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a bunch of Greenpeacers in Calgary Greenpeace activists fined Members of Greenpeace who rappelled down from the catwalk of the Calgary Tower to unfurl a huge banner have been fined by a Calgary court. The activists unrolled a banner that read "Separate Oil and State" on August 3, 2010. Police originally charged nine people, eight Canadians and a man from Belgium, with one count each of breaking in and mischief to property under $5,000. Police believe the activists gained entry through a ground level emergency exit and then rode the elevator to the top. Once there, they strapped on climbing gear and crawled out a window on the observation deck and onto the tower's catwalk. Seven of the nine were in court in Calgary on Friday to answer to the charges and were fined $2000 + 15% victim surcharge, Police had decided against shooting them down and allowed the Greenpeace members to finish their protest. They were arrested when they exited the tower. Calgary is not a state, it is a town, and not a captital. The capital of Alberta, a province, not a state, is Edmonton. The province of Alberta is not in the oil business. All oil business in Alberta is 100% Free Enterprise, even though some pension and medical and social service funds do have minority shares in quite a few oil related companies. That is strictly for generating funds, not meddling in the decisionmaking. Possibly the banner had been intended for Syria, or some place, where the state messes with oil, but the Greenpeacers got scared and picked a safer location, even though their banner made absolutely no sense in Calgary. By the way, Calgary had the first G8 summit without violence or property damage.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: PENNIE Re: WRONG FORMAT HI WEBBY, THANKS FOR YOUR NEWSLETTERS -- I REALLY ENJOY THEM. HOW DO I GET BACK TO NORMAL FONT -- I DID NOT ASK FOR LARGE PRINT. COULD YOU PLEASE HELP ME ? TAKE CARE AND KEEP WELL. PENNIE Dear Pennie Remember, you are "one of those silly yahoos", that everybody laughs about, and you don't rate reliable email reception. You are subscribed to both versions, the regular and the large font. *********@yahoo.com|PENNIE|humor HuMorL Both are sent out to you every nght. One or more is apparently censored by YAHOO, because they think you are "one of those silly yahoos" who don't deserve newsletters. Once your newsletter has entered the YAHOO server, there is nothing more that I can do about it. Then it is strictly between YAHOO and you. Since you can't get YAHOO to deliver mail reliably, it would be a good idea to get a reliable address on the side. You can still use YAHOO for cyber-sex, or whatever it is that you yahoos do, but at least you will have reliable mail for newsletters, utility invoices, etc. I will generate an invitation to Gmail for you. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Susanne for this one: At breakfast one day, I eagerly waited for my husband to com- ment on my first attempt at homemade cinnamon rolls. After several minutes with no reaction, I asked, "If I baked these commercially, how much do you think I could get for one of them?" Without looking up from his paper my husband replied, "About 10 years."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make A Draining And Drying Frame I needed a way to drain green beans and butter beans after picking and washing them. My husband made a frame and covered it with Hardware Cloth. After washing the beans, I pour them on the wire and spread them out to drain. I have found that the frame has other uses too. This morning, I washed pillows and the frame is perfect for drying them in the hot sun. The picture shows the bottom side of the frame. The top side has no edging which makes it easy to rake the beans off into a bucket after they are dry. By hate litter from NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
To determine the source of an internal ailment, Judy had to undergo a battery of diagnostic tests. All was going fine until she was give a form to sign which stated that one out of 10,000 people had a violent allergic reaction to one of the tests. Obviously very concerned, she asked the doctor, "What number are they on now?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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At a boat-rental concession, the manager went to the lake's edge and yelled through his megaphone, "Number 99, come in, please. Your time is up." Several minutes passed, but the boat didn't return. "Boat number 99," he again hollered, "return to the dock immediately or I'll have to charge you overtime." "Something is wrong here, boss," his assistant said. "We only have 75 boats. There is no number 99." The manager thought for a moment and then raised his mega- phone: "Boat number 66," he yelled. "Are you having trouble out there?"

» Uyuni, Bolivia

When I attended a convention of oil men, the first speaker was from Texas. He rambled on for a good half hour and then introduced the next gent, who happened to be from Oklahoma. The Texan said, "Oklahoma, an outlying province of Texas." The second speaker said, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, but, just to set the record straight, there ain't NO state that can out-lie Texas."





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Parental Controls 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, Aug 7




Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"Keep your head and your heart going in the right direction and you will not have to worry about your feet." --- Socratex
A Chicago lawyer named George successfully defends a major crime lord from charges of dealing drugs, racketeering, murder, kidnapping, and selling arms. As he is leaving the courtroom, an indignant old woman grabs him by the arm. "Young man, where are your Christian scruples? I believe you would defend Satan himself!" "I don't know," George says, "what has your kid done this time ?"
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100." The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mark Bausch, 56, in DeLeon Springs, Florida Man robbed blind woman DELEON SPRINGS, Fla. -- A DeLeon Springs man forced his way into a blind woman's home, pushed her to the ground and stole a pet bird he had traded to her, deputies said. According to the Volusia County Sheriff's Office, Mark Bausch regretting trading his pet sun conure to the 64-year-old woman and her 81-year-old mother in exchange for $50 and a computer. Bausch went to the women's home on Ponce DeLeon Boulevard on Thursday afternoon and demanded the bird back, saying he missed his pet and the computer ran too slow, deputies said. When they refused Bausch's request, he forced his way into the home, shoved the blind woman to the ground and went into her bedroom, where he shoved her again, took the bird and fled in his truck, deputies said. Using a description from the women, deputies said they were able to find Bausch, who was in his truck along with the bird. The sun conure is valued at around $300. Bausch was arrested and charged with home invasion robbery, grand theft and abuse of a disabled adult. He is being held on $13,000 bond at the Volusia County Branch Jail. The woman suffered minor injuries in the altercation.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jaye Re: Parental Controls Dear Webby, Your the best there is anywhere on the Net!!! And probably elsewhere too. Your advice is always right on! Anyway i want to ask you a question...I have a 6 year old Granddaughter who is so................Computer savvy... Yes i said 6 and she knows a lot since when she was only a baby her Dad held her while he worked the Puter. She has been going to YouTube and at first it was OK since it was silly Dora stuff and games. Now we find out she has been going to places not fit for an Adult let alone a 5 year old... Where do I go for the Parental stopping her? I would really appreciate your advice also. Thank you , Jaye Dear Jaye I am most definitely not an expert on parental controls. I will mention your plight, and hopefully a reader will respond with good information. Personally, I would be more in favor of educating her about what is good for her and what isn't, than in giving her an incentive to become a better expert in parental controls, than you are. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man was stranded on the proverbial deserted Pacific island for years. Finally one day a boat comes sailing into view, and the man frantically waves and draws the skipper's attention. The boat comes near the island and the sailor gets out and greets the stranded man. After awhile the sailor asks, "What are those three huts you have here?" "Well, that's my house there." "What's that next hut?" asks the sailor. "I built that hut to be my church." "What about the other hut?" "Oh, that's where I used to go to church."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Vinyl Records To clean the grooves of old records, dip a shaving brush in a mixture of equal parts distilled water and triple distilled vodka. Brush the mixture into the grooves of the record and dry with a tack cloth. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A young man was visiting his brother and sister-in-law and was surprised to find his young nephew, Timmy, helping them bake the cupcakes. After they were done, his sister-in-law allowed Timmy to put the icing on. When he had finished, he brought them to the table. "The cupcakes look delicious, Tim." his uncle said. He took a bite while looking at the other cupcakes. "Timmy these are so good." As he finished one and took another he again complimented his little nephew. "The cupcakes look beautiful, Tim," his uncle said. "How did you get them iced so evenly?" And he took a large bite while waiting for the answer. His nephew replied, "I licked them."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The FDA just approved a new drug for obesity; they say it causes modest weight loss when combined with diet and exercise. Of course, beer combined with diet and exercise does the same thing

» Kilauea

A guy goes to the Patents Office with some designs. He tells the clerk. "I'd like to register my new invention, a folding bottle." "Oh sure says the clerk, "what do you call it?" "A fottle," says the inventor "That's a silly name., can you think of anything else?" "I'll think about it," says the inventor. I've got something else here a folding carton "And what do you call that?", asks the clerk. "A farton." "Thats rude....You can't possibly use that name!" "Gee" says Inventor, "then your'e going to HATE the name of my folding bucket!"





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How do yourecognize a scam? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, Aug 6

Happy Valentines Day for all the subscribers in China!


On the Chinese Valentine's Day, people in love like to go to 
the temple of Matchmaker and pray for their love and the 
possible marriage. People still single will do the same thing 
to ask their luck of love in the Matchmaker temple.

The Chinese Valentine's Day is also called The Daughter's 
Festival. Long ago, Chinese girls always wanted to train 
themselves having a good handcrafting skill like the 
Weaving Maid. The skill is essential for their future family. 
On that night, the unmarried girls may pray for the 
Weaving Maid star to let them become smarter. When the 
star Vega is high up in the sky, girls do a test, which is 
to put a needle on the water surface. If the needle doesn't 
sink, then girl is already smart enough and ready to find a 
husband. Girls may ask for any wish, but only one per year.

The Weaving Maid is from the really ancient history, about
the 7th daughter of Emperor of Heaven and an orphaned cowherd. 
They were separated by the Emperor. 
The 7th daughter was forced to move to the star Vega and the 
cowherd moved to the star Altair. They are allowed to meet only 
once a year on the day of 7th day of 7th lunar month
This year, that is today, August 6.

The star Vega (Weaving Maid) is the 5th brightest star in the sky. 
Therefore, it's very easy to find in the summer night. The size of 
Vega is 16 times bigger than the Sun. The temperature on its 
surface is more than 10,000 degrees. The brightness of Vega 
is 25 times brighter than the Sun. It's 25 light years away 
from the Earth.

The star Altair (Cowherd) is the 11th brightest star in the sky. 
Therefore, it's not difficult to find in the summer night. The size 
of Altair is 4 times bigger than the Sun. The temperature on its 
surface is about 8,000 degrees. The brightness of Altair is 
11 times brighter than the Sun. It's 17 light years away from 
the Earth.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"You can often measure a person by the size of his dream." --- Robert H. Schuller It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours. --- Harry S Truman If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself. --- Mickey Mantle
Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks from her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog. When asked why by her former employer, she answered: "I never forget a friend. That was for cleaning the dishes all the time!"
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young student confidently. "Means carrying a child."
Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Leroy Michael Smith, 41, in Wilkes-Barre, PA PA. man shot toilet in bar named Shooters WILKES-BARRE, PA. -- Authorities say a man is charged with using a stolen handgun to shoot a toilet in a northeastern Pennsylvania bar named Shooters. Police say they received a report of a toilet being shot in the men's room at the Wilkes-Barre bar early Tuesday. Police say 41-year-old Leroy Michael Smith walked out of the bar after the gunshot and returned five minutes later. Investigators believe Smith hid the gun in the seat of a vehicle. Police say they later recovered the weapon. Smith told investigators he didn't shoot the toilet. He has been released from jail after posting $5,000 bail. It's not clear if he has an attorney. Smith was charged with reckless endangerment, receiving stolen property and illegal possession of a firearm by a convicted felon. Leroy Michael Smith
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Louis Re: How do you recognize something is a scam? Dear Webby, How do you recognize if something is a silly scam or if it is real ? Louis Dear Louis If there is a line that says: "Pass this on to all you friends." then it is a silly scam or political, or both. If it is the opposite, and warns you NOT to tell anybody about it, then it is usually a scam. If somebody wants your help in disbursing illegitimate money, then it definitely is a scam. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Beifeld's Principle: The probability of a young man seeing a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of: (1) a date, (2) his wife, (3) a better looking and richer, single male friend.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Container Covers from Old Socks If your daughter is going away to college, here is a great tip to use some of her colorful socks if she has any. You can slip glass, plastic, or cardboard containers (whatever they will stretch around) into them for handy organizers. This gives them a little piece of home without being too obvious to others. If she is into jogging, make wrist bands out of them. Cut off the foot part with pinking shears. Run a stitch used for elastic around the raw edge after you turn it under. Good luck to her and to you, if you are an empty-nester now. By latrtatr from Loup City, NE http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Customer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop: "Give me four of those pinwheels, two of those pink flamingos, two of the sunflowers, and one of those bent-over grandma in bloomers." Cashier reply's: "That'll be eight dollars for the pinwheels, ten dollars for the flamingos, six dollars for the sunflowers, and an apology to my wife!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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It was my first year of teaching tenth-graders geometry, and I was frustrated with the lack of effort in the class. Trying to make the group more interactive, I asked, "Who can define a polygon?" The reply was, "A dead parrot."

» Double Exposure

While driving along the back roads of a small town, two truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read CLEARANCE 11'3". They got out and measured their rig, which was 12'4". "What do you think?" one asked the other. The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first. "Not a cop in sight. Let's take a chance!"





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The Good Old Days 

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... Barefoot...BOTH ways. yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that I'm over the ripe old age of forty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents! Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe! There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig?

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it! There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY GOD !!! Think of the horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7!!!

And then there's texting. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are. And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! no remotes!!! Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?!

There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait all week for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-finks!

And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!

And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place!

See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1970 or any time before!

Regards,The Over 40 Crowd/



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What to do when you can't vote 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, Aug 5
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thanks, Sig!

Looks like the OPEC leased Senate got away without approving the 
Keysotne XL pipeline. It is a 36 inch pipeline from Alberta,Canada
to Texas, USA, hauling NorthAmerican oil to the refineries and 
distribution points in Texas. 

The Keysotne XL pipeline is privately funded, not tax payer
funded, though undoubtedly, a lot of polititians will arrange 
for donors and relatives to get fancy jobs reporting on it.
However, construction and maintenance of the pipeline
is privately funded and once the permit is approved, will
pump $20 Billion of new spending into the US economy 
and create about 120,000 new jobs and and generate 
an estimated $600 million in state and local taxes along 
the pipeline route, according to the Teamsters Union, which
is quite in favor of the pipeline and the 120,000 new jobs.

The measure passed the House 279-147, but Harry and the 
other pro-Arabian senators managed to hurry off for their
undeserved taxpayer funded vacations, instead of voting
on it. After all, it's only 120,000 jobs. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, "On Sale." --- Rita Rudner "Things are more like they are now, than they ever were be- fore." --D. Eisenhower One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man. --- Elbert Hubbard If you help a relative in need, he or she will remember you the next time they are in need. --- Socratex
At a major medical convention, a noted internist arises to announce that he has discovered a new miracle antibiotic. "What's it cure?" asks a member of the audience. "Nothing we don't already have a drug for," the internist replies. "Well, what's so miraculous about it?" "One of the side effects is short-term memory loss. Several of my patients have paid my bill three or four times."
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her now ex-husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper. "Honey," his wife said, while reading the newspaper, "it looks like the government is going to cut the military forces. They are going to eliminate six over-aged destroyers." To which the husband replies, "Sorry to hear that, dear. I'm sure you'll miss your mother when she's gone." ---------------------- That sure reminds me of the first English speaking girlfriend I had. I was about 18 then. She was 26 and required at least two hours of arguing every night to make her "headache" go away. I sure learned a lot of English ! One time, I tried to jokingly call her "Battle-Axe" but accidentally called her "Battle-Ship". She didn't let me forget that for the 3-4 years that we were together.
Click through the picture to the large version. Alsace
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charles Stambaugh, in jail in Montana Cheetos no excuse for drunk driving Cheetos may be great for a quick snack, but if you're trying to cover up your boozy breath when you get pulled over... not so much. At least that's what the Montana Supreme Court is telling a Lincoln County man, who tried to cover up his alcohol-laced breath when he was stopped for drunk driving and speeding in November 2009. Prosecutors had successfully convicted Charles Stambaugh of the November 2009 traffic stop, where a Lincoln County traffic deputy saw him speeding and followed him to a local truck stop. The deputy told the court he found Stambaugh inside at the snack counter with "red, puffy eyes" in the process of buying the "dangerously cheesy snack," quoting court documents. Prosecutors say that Stambaugh stuffed an "extremely large handful" of Cheetos into his mouth before the deputy could stop him, and continued to shovel them in during questioning. The deputy said Stambaugh was "uncooperative" and "would not relinquish his Cheetos." Stambaugh was then taken to jail where he failed a breath test. Stambaugh had been appointed a public defender, but later dismissed the attorney and tried to represent himself. Almost 10 months later he asked for a new court attorney, but the Justice Court said he hadn't shown "good cause." The high court agreed with that ruling last week, and said the state's evidence was sufficient to uphold Stambaugh's original conviction. The court offered no direct advice on the general issue of Cheetos consumption.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: Can't vote Dear Webby, it has been happening fairly frequently that the site for voting does not respond when I try to vote. It did so again this AM. Thought you might like to know, perhaps those folks do not..... Carol Dear Carol They are not on our servers. They are totally independent and on some West coast server. I already wrote them this morning. Their addresses are: reply@thriftyfun.com support@cumuli.com Have FUN! DearWebby
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Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the same building. One was 40 years old, the other over 70. They rode on the elevator together at the end of an unbearably hot, sticky day. The younger man was completely done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior was fresh as a daisy. "I don't understand," he marveled, "how you can listen to complaining patients from morning 'til night, on a day like this, and still look so spry and un-bothered when it's over?" The older analyst replied, "I don't turn on my hearing aid till 5PM, otherwise the batteries go dead before the evening is over."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Add Ranch Dressing to Mashed Potatoes Use up that last bit of ranch salad dressing in the bottle. When making mashed potatoes, just make them as usual, but add the last bit of ranch dressing. Pour a little bit of milk into the bottle and shake to loosen the dressing. Pour into mashed potatoes and mix well. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
"Hello," she whispered. "Hi, Honey. How's your mother doing?" I asked. "She's sleeping," she answered, again in a whisper. "Did she go to the doctor?" I asked. "Yes. She got some medicine," my niece said softly. "Well, don't wake her. Just tell her I called. What are you doing, by the way?" Again in a soft whisper, she answered, "As soon as I finish eating, I will be practicing my trumpet."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A couple trying to break into society hosted a dinner party. As the guests were enjoying their dinner salad, the maid called the hostess from the table. The maid informed her that the cat had climbed on the kitchen table and eaten a large portion of the salmon's midsection. The hostess decided to quickly drive to the corner store and get some canned salmon to fill the eaten portion and camouflage it with parsley sprigs. As the guests were enjoying the fish, the maid called the hostess into the kitchen again and announced while wringing her hands, "Madam, the cat is dead." The hostess and her husband informed the guests and suggested it might be best if everyone went to the hospital and had their stomachs pumped. Returning home, the couple asked the maid where she had put the cat. "It is still out on the road where you ran over it on the way back from the corner store."

» Double Exposure

Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few days of captivity, they can train humans to stand at the edge of the pool and throw them fish?





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Ebay 

E-Bay Problems

Does anyone know how to cancel a bid on E-Bay?

I put in a $7 bid for a "Mickey Mouse Outfit", and now it seems I'm only nineteen minutes away from owning Obama's entire Cabinet.





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Digital camera and microscope 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, Aug 4

Can you lose weight with just walking, or do you need more
strenuous exercise?

Yes, half an hour walking every day is more effective than 
an hour of strenuous sweating at a gym once or twice a week.
In addition to that, half an hour walking is less likely to
lead to binge eating to reward yourself for the exercise.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

"Pick battles big enough to matter, yet small enough to win." --- Jonathan Kozol Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them. --- Socratex
An insurance salesman was trying to persuade Marnie that she should take out life insurance. "Suppose your husband were to die," he said, "What would you get?" Marnie thought for a while, and then said, "Oh, a parrot, I think. or maybe a kid or two. Then the house wouldn't seem so quiet."
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

A college student wrote a letter home: Dear folks, I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy to have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me. Your son, Marvin. P.S. I felt so terrible that I ran after the mailman, who picked this up in the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed that I could get it back. But it was too late. A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said, "Your prayers were answered. Your letter never came."
Thanks to Sue for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Brown Thrasher
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Benjamin Gilbert Kennedy, 57 Thief had 25 pairs of panties Police in Florida said an off-duty officer arrested a shoplifter found to have stuffed a polo shirt and 25 pairs of women's panties into his shorts. Winter Haven police detective Ken Brewer said he met his girlfriend at Bealls Outlet after leaving work at 5 p.m. Friday and clerks who saw his badge informed him a customer had been spotted concealing items in his shorts, The Lakeland (Fla.) Ledger reported Tuesday. Brewer said he approached Benjamin Gilbert Kennedy, 57, and saw a pair of pink women's underwear hanging out of his pocket with the tag still attached. The detective said Kennedy struggled with him and gave him several fake names. Police said Kennedy was found to have shoved a polo shirt and 25 pairs of panties into his shorts and a girdle he was wearing. Investigators said he was also carrying a pair of wire cutters to remove security tags from merchandise. Kennedy, who had been released the previous week after an arrest on charges including loitering, was booked into the Polk County Jail on charges of retail theft, resisting an officer with violence and battery on an officer. He will not have to worry about air conditioning bills for the summer.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Brant Re: Camera and microscope Dear Webby I want to connect a camera to a microscope. What do I need to know and watch out for ? Thanks Brant Dear Brant First you have to realize that you got a HUGE amount of magnification between the tiny ocular (the lens closest to the eye) and the monitor. Don't go for an expensive microscope with a very high magnification number. Go for one with a wider field of view. The second thing to watch out for is lighting. Today's digital cameras go very far into the dark infrared, and you will probably wind up with too much light and need to dim the picture. Usualy, the more light you have, the better picture you get, but there is a limit to that. Chose a microscope that allows both through-light and reflected light or a combination of the two. Generally, the more room you have to adapt and improvise with the lighting, the better. And finally, you need an adapter tube between the microscope and the camera. Hold the camera by hand and find the ideal distance. Cut some black plastic pipe to that length with a pipe cutter. Do NOT use a hacksaw! Dull the pipe inside and out with very fine sandpaper, then clean it thoroughly with a damp or wet rag. Clean the lenses perfectly clean with damp lenscloth. Do a VERY good job on that, because it is the last time you will ever have to do that. Assemble the microscope, tube and camera and hold them together with a rubber band. Test it. If everyting works OK, use some hotmelt glue or silicone to permanently attach the tube to the microscope and the camera. That's all there is to it. You won't have to change the distance of the camera tube. All changes are made with the the adjustments on the microscope. Before you spend a lot of money, try a cheap plastic student's microscope from Edmund Scientific and a cheap security camera. Quite likely the results are a lot better than you expect. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The sheriff of a small town was also the town's veterinarian. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?" "Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?" the wife asked. "Send both of them!" the caller replied. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Add Ranch Dressing to Mashed Potatoes Use up that last bit of ranch salad dressing in the bottle. When making mashed potatoes, just make them as usual, but add the last bit of ranch dressing. Pour a little bit of milk into the bottle and shake to loosen the dressing. Pour into mashed potatoes and mix well. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Connie called up her electrician. "Didn't you promise to send someone over to my house yesterday to fix the doorbell?" she asks. "I did send one, I sent Judy, the new apprentice," the electrician said. "I'm sure of it." He calls to the back of the shop. "Didn't you go over to Washington Street yesterday afternoon to do that doorbell job?" "Yes, sir," was faintly heard. "I was there, and I must have rung the bell for more than 10 minutes. Nobody answered, though, so I figured they were all out."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A woman is walking down the street carrying a small box with holes punched in the top. "What's in that box?" a neighbor asks. "A big cat," the woman says. "What for?" "I've been dreaming about mice at night, and I'm scared. The cat is to catch them." "But the mice you dream about are imaginary," her neighbor says. The woman turns to her friend and whispers, "So is the cat. Do you think I was silly enough to lug a real cat around all day ?"

» Double Exposure

The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention so he asked one of his employees, Jenkins, to write him a punch, 20-minute speech. When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious. "What's the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?", he demanded. "Half the audience walked out before I finished." Jenkins was baffled. "I wrote you a 20-minute speech," he replied. "I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for."





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No Harm No Foul...For Some 

Yonge-Dundas Smackdown
Punched in the face, but fat chance charges will be laid
What constitutes a physical assault in Toronto these days?

This would appear to be straightforward. If, for example, one individual punches another, surely that’s assault. Especially if the punch in question was witnessed. And photographed.

But as I learned firsthand on Sunday, a fist in the face doesn’t necessarily constitute assault in our increasingly culturally sensitive Toronto. Read More...




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Tricked 

One thing kids like is to be tricked.

For instance, I was going to take my kids to Disneyland, but instead I drove them to an old burned-out warehouse.

"Oh, no!" I said. "Disneyland burned down."

They cried and cried, but I think that deep down, they thought it was a pretty good joke.



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How do I make filters in Gmail? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   


Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, Aug 3

Thanks Sandi !
Thanks Donald!


Neil and Jim sent me links to a program, that neatly takes
care of FireFox bookmarks, weeds out dead and obsolete
links, gets rid of duplicates, makes the good links searchable, 
and lets you export them for use in a spreadsheet or database.
Just what I and many of you have been looking for!

Becasue the program originally was just for weeding out 
dead links, that name stuck: AM-DeadLink. 
It is free! You can download it from AM-Deadlink

I will also put a link to it into my Tool Box, in case you 
need it later for your home machine.

Speaking about browsers,....

Average IQ of users of certain browsers:
100,000 web surfers tested

Naturally, some IE users complain, that 100,000 is not a big 
enough sampling, to jump to any conclusion.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

"The poor man is not he who is without a cent, but he who is without a dream." --- Harry Kemp "The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up." --- Paul Valery
The following are actual submissions on a series of quizzes, tests, and essays. "Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state." "H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water." "To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube." "When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide." "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water." "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars." "The body consists of three parts - the branium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u." "Blood flows down one leg and up the other." "Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration." "The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader." "Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull." "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire." "A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold." "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas." "The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects." "The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to."
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

Sarah, the church gossip and self-appointed arbiter of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She commented to George and others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away. He didn't explain, defend or deny -- he said nothing. Later that evening, George and his two apprentices quietly parked their pickups in front of Sarah's house and left them there all night
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Timethy Delarrance Morrison, 22 Meaty deal PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla., July 31 (UPI) -- A Port St. Lucie, Fla., man was arrested for allegedly robbing and shooting at a drug dealer he said gave him hamburger meat instead of pot, authorities say. Timethy Delarrance Morrison, 22, was charged Thursday with attempted murder, burglary, escape, possession of marijuana and providing a false name to a law enforcement officer, TCPalm.com reported. The alleged victim said he was to meet Morrison Wednesday at 8:30 p.m. behind a gas station to sell him $100 worth of marijuana. The dealer said Morrison walked up to his car and demanded the drugs. He said that he then gave Morrison a white paper bag and then sped away. Morrison told police he looked in the bag and found hamburger meat instead of drugs and then began firing at the dealer's car. When police arrived at an apartment building in Port St. Lucie Thursday afternoon to arrest Morrison, he fled on foot. However he was apprehended shortly afterward near the apartment building. Detectives said they found 4.7 grams of marijuana in his possession. Morrison is being held without bail in the St. Lucie County Jail. The dealer, who sent the cops after Morrison, was not arrested or charged.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: 4K Re: How to make filters in Gmail Dear Webby, Back last week you said:Â "I'll send you a Gmail invitation. Be as silly and ridiculous on it, as you want. Once you got it set up, subscribe with that address, and make a filter in Gmail, so that it never puts mail from humor@webby.com into the spam, no matter what naughty words I might mention." Where is this filter located? I keep getting emails from one close friend ending up in Spam. Now more frequently, but never in the beginning of exchanges. I may get several a day, of which some make it just fine into my mailbox, others go to Spam. Today, and the past 2 days, all have gone into Spam! grrrrrrr I cannot figure out how to 'filter' her address (only that bit of info) to automatically be diverted from Spam to my in box. This was attempted in the Spam folder where one was waiting. In other words, dimbo old gray cells do not understand the options presented in 'More' drop down offerings....groan. Would you, please, give me step-by-step instructions even a 5-year-old would understand? Hell, they probably know!!! Your usual wonderful help is most appreciated! 4K:) LiveLoveLaugh(2)RepeatDaily Dear 4K In Gmail hit the sprocket in the right upper corner then Mail Settings then in the dark baby blue bar near the top, the 4th item from the left is FILTERS. Scoot down to the bottom of the light baby blue area, and there you see "MAKE NEW FILTER". Hit that, and at the very top, partially hidden, will be the CREATE NEW FILTER form. Yes, I know, the user interface looks like it was designed by that obnoxious widdle girl from Incredimail, and takes some getting used to. I too would much prefer if they would let her mother do that kind of work. The filters are quite anemic, compared to the filters in MailWasher, but you CAN set them to use a FROM address as a trigger and never put mail FROM that address into spam. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Esther and Sally, two elderly widows in a Florida adult community, are curious about the latest arrival in their building -- a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to himself. Esther says," Sally, you know I'm shy. Why don't you go over to him at the pool and find out a little about him. He looks so lonely." Sally agrees, and later that day at the pool, she walks up to him and says, "Excuse me, mister. I hope I'm not prying, but my friend and I were wondering why you looked so lonely." "Of course I'm lonely, he says, "I've spent the past 20 years in prison." "You're kidding! What for?" "For killing my third wife. I strangled her." "What happened to your second wife?" "I shot her." "And, if I may ask, your first wife?" "We had a fight and she fell off a building." "Oh my," says Sally. Then turning to her friend on the other side of the pool, she yells, "Yoo hoo, Esther, he's single."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Add Ranch Dressing to Mashed Potatoes Use up that last bit of ranch salad dressing in the bottle. When making mashed potatoes, just make them as usual, but add the last bit of ranch dressing. Pour a little bit of milk into the bottle and shake to loosen the dressing. Pour into mashed potatoes and mix well. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
During an arctic training exercise in Alaska an early fall cold snap played havoc with vehicles and equipment. One harassed battery commander was trying to cope with vehicles that wouldn't run and machinery that wouldn't work. He was wondering what else could go wrong when the door flew open and a soldier rushed in and announced, "Hey, captain, the northern lights are out! Exasperated and without looking, the captain barked, "Well, don't tell me! Go get the generator mechanic and have him fix the dang things!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation"... Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband!"

» Cuba 2011

From Bing: Playing golf with his buddies, my grandfather had to make a slick 45-foot, downhill putt. As he lined it up, he announced, "I have a dollar bill that says I can make this putt. Does anyone want to bet?" His three friends eagerly agreed to the wager. My grandfather missed the putt by ten feet, and his friends gathered around to collect their money. Granddad pulled out a dollar bill on which he had printed, "I can make this putt." His pals are still trying to collect on the bet; my grandfather is too.





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Got It! 


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Exporting FF bookmarks to spreadsheets 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, Aug 2

Looks like we finally got summer! 
Nice and hot but with a pleasant dry wind, that
makes it just perfect.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

"The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman." --- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Florida gets its first nude 5K run Organizers of the Streak Sunsport Gardens 5K Benefit Run & Walk in Florida said the event marks the first clothing-optional run in the state. Daniel Phillips, 25, an organizer of the Aug. 27 event and a member of college nudist group Vita Nuda, said runners at the Sunsport Gardens Family Naturist Resort in Loxahatchee will only be asked to wear athletic shoes, the Palm Beach (Fla.) Post reported Monday. "You can do interesting stuff while nude," Phillips said. You can do cool stuff. "In a clothed society, people tend to be different," Phillips said. Nudists ... no one judges anyone, no one has any expectations for anything. Phillips said he is hoping the run will be the first in a series of clothing-optional 5K runs he plans to organize next year. They are expecting about 400 - 500 runners and about 18,000 to 20,000 spectators.
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

Sue told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty-thousand and I want my money." The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Sue. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and what it was worth just before it burned down, and provide you with a new one of comparable worth." There was a long pause before Sue replied, " In that case, cancel the policy on my husband RIGHT NOW!"
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Glodualdo Moreno Lojan. Driving too slow on Freeway causes bust ANDERSON, S.C. -- A South Carolina trooper says he found a kilogram of cocaine in a suspect's prosthetic leg, after he pulled over a vehicle for driving slow in the fast lane. The Anderson Independent-Mail reports trooper Brad Davis testified at a preliminary hearing Friday that he felt an odd bulge when he patted down Glodualdo Moreno Lojan. Davis says a plastic bag was stuffed between Lojan's leg and his prosthesis. Lojan and two others in the car face cocaine trafficking charges. Davis says he pulled over the car with Texas plates in July for traveling 50 mph in the left lane on Interstate 85. Lojan's attorney, Kurt Tavernier, says the car should not have been stopped, since 50 mph is over the minimum highway speed. The three remain in jail without bond. That will teach the boneheads about driving slow in the left lane!
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mandy Re: Firefox Bookmarks to Excel Dear Webby, Is there a way to get the FireFox bookmarks to Excel or OO Calc, so that they can be sorted, searched, deduplicated, etc? Thanks Mandy Dear Mandy No, there isn't a way. FireFox is a pretty good browser, but is totally incompetent when it comes to bookmarks and managing them. There are some add-ons, that TRY to ease the pain, but to make them useful, you need a separate program for FireFox bookmarks. You CAN export them to an HTML file, browse that and use the FIND. That sort of works, but is klutzy, and without an HTML editor not practical for sorting. Since I do like FireFox for everything else, I sincerely hope I am wrong and there IS some kind of program out there for sorting and managing FF bookmarks. Until I find one, I am just pasting bookmarks and comments into a speradsheet and do it my way. Have FUN! DearWebby
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An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something." The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep After School Snacks in the Car Keep snacks in the car. Fill a sandwich bag with pretzels, crackers, cheerios, etc. Keep bottled water also. If you pick up your kids, as I do, they are hungry when they get in the car. This snack gets them to dinner and makes for a more pleasant ride home. By Wanda from Climax, NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

» Castles

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."





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Spaces in file names 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, August 1

Sandie sent me an article about artificial sweeteners. 
I think I partially read it before, but at that time, I wasn't
that interested.

If you have symptoms similar to MS, Lupus, fibromyalgia,
numbness in your legs,
Cramps,
Vertigo,
Dizziness,
Headaches,
Tinnitus,
Joint pain,
Unexplainable depression, anxiety attacks, 
slurred speech, blurred vision, or memory loss,
then stop using artificial sweeteners and diet pop
for a week. 

If you notice a drastic difference, let me know, and I'll
send you that article. 

No, it is not something to buy, quite the opposite, 
actually. Stop buying stuff that poisons you.

Aspartame and similar artificial sweeteners don't hurt
everybody, but a surprising number of people past
midlife do drastically benefit from avoiding 
artificial sweeteners.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

"Next to power without honor, the most dangerous thing in the world is power without humor." --- Eric Sevareid Food is an important part of a balanced diet. --- Fran Lebowitz The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well. --- Joe Ancis
Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom about 2 > a.m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night. The next day,I talked to the children, and explained that it was O.K. to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night. They said OK. After my next trip several weeks later, my wife and the children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the plane was late, there were hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers, also. As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came running, shouting, "Hi,Dad! I've got some good news!" As I waved back, I said loudly, "What's the good news?" "Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!" Alex shouted. The airport became very quiet,
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

Two husbands were discussing their married lives. Although happily married, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes. Then Chad said, "I've made one great discovery. I now know how to always have the last word." "Wow!" said Sherm, "how did you manage that?" "It's easy," replied Chad. "My last word is always 'Yes, Dear.' "
Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Billy Joe Madden, 28, of Hattiesburg, Miss. Drunk dad chauffeured by 8 year old son BATON ROUGE, La. - Louisiana state police say an 8-year-old boy was driving a pickup truck down an interstate while his drunken father slept in the passenger seat. Troopers say the man's 4-year-old daughter was in the back seat when the truck was stopped Saturday morning in Livingston Parish. The child's driving was so erratic that it alarmed motorists, who called authorities. Madden, 28, resident of Hattiesburg, Miss., was pulled over, well, technically his son was pulled over, at around 6:30 a.m. on Saturday on I-12 in Louisiana after state troopers received a call "from a concerned motorist." At 6:30 am, after driving most of the night from Hattiesburg, Miss., towards Dallas, Texas, by the time he got to Baton Rouge, La, the eight-year-old was apparently not a very good driver any more. Most likely he was fighting to stay awake. The children have been handed over to Louisiana Child Protective Services. The father, 28-year-old Billy Joe Madden of Hattiesburg, Miss., was booked into the Livingston Parish Jail on charges including child desertion and allowing a minor to drive. More charges are likely to be added regarding interstate crimes.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Martha Re: Spaces in file names Dear Webby, I know that you once told us that leaving spaces in file names is childish and stooopid and sooner or later causes problems. The bonehead we have as a computer teacher in summer school insists that it is OK to have spaces in file names. What were the reasons for not putting spaces into file names? Thanks, Martha M Dear Martha If a file is not intended to ever leave the computer and never be used on the web or on another computer, then broken file names CAN sometimes be used. However, since broken file names don't work with all browsers and with very few web servers, it's a really dumb idea to get into the bad habit of breaking names. Better stick with the rules that DO work everywhere: No broken file names. Have FUN! DearWebby
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"What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late?" complained an irate passenger to the railroad engineer. "If we didn't have a schedule," replied the engineer, we would not know how many minutes we are late."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Refurbishing A Faded Patio Umbrella My community has recycling once a month. It is amazing the things you can find that people are throwing out. For example, our deck table needed an umbrella and someone threw one out. It was faded but otherwise in pretty good shape. I decided to spray paint it using an indoor/outdoor paint that is good for wood, metal, and more. I worked perfectly and I have had no problems with the paint running or fading. By LoracMc from IA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A hillbilly dragged his protesting son to a new school which had just opened in a nearby village . When they arrived, he took his son to see the teacher. "Howdy," said the hillbilly. "This here's my son, Arthur. Now what kind of learnin' are you teachin'?" "Oh, all the usual subjects," said the teacher, nodding at the boy. "Reading, writing, arithmetic." "What's this ?" interrupted the father. "Arith....arith... what did you say?" "'Arithmetic, Sir," said the teacher, "instruction in geometry, algebra and trigonometry." "Trigonometry!" cried the delighted hillbilly. "That's what my boy needs. He's the worst darn shot in the family."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Las Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?" A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, "I don't know... Why don't you play your age?" He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe, she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?" The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29. Then when 36 came up, she just fainted!"

» Sun and Sails

Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?" Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear." Wife to husband: "What? At 2 a.m?!" Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."





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Detail View 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, July 31

The world is not really watching with bated breath what will
happen next in the debt ceiling soap opera. It is more like
a comedy, and they are bound to come up with something
really dumb.

Obama wants a blank check to buy the next election,
the Democrats want to get re-elected to a warm place to crap,
and figure election goodies will do the trick,
the Republicans are worried about long term damage due to 
overspending at the wrong time, and needing such drastic
measures, when they get their turn, that they will be kicked
out after one term.

There is no point trying to second-guess what they will do.
I am sure they are quite capable of coming up with something 
a lot dumber than you or I can envision.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bag pipes and called it music." --- TV "Silk Stalkings" "If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire." --- George E. Woodberry
Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him. "And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked. "Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night." "Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?" "Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

Laura fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks and pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate encounters in the dental clinic after hours. But one day he said sadly, "Laura, honey, we have to stop seeing each other like this. Your husband's bound to get suspicious." "No way, sweetie, he's dumb as a post," she assured him. "Besides, we've been messing around for six months now and he doesn't suspect a thing." "True," agreed the dentist, "but you're down to one tooth!"
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Condor
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Julia Lynn Vanhouten, 19, of Bonita Springs, and Kerstan Trinere Harman, 18, of Fort Myers, Jerky theft led to drug arrest FORT MYERS, Fla., July 28 (UPI) -- Authorities in Florida said a young woman accused of stealing beef jerky from a gas station was arrested on drug charges. The Lee County Sheriff's Office said Julia Lynn Vanhouten, 19, of Bonita Springs, and Kerstan Trinere Harman, 18, of Fort Myers, fled the Circle K store on South U.S. 41 in Fort Myers when employees spotted Harman shoving beef jerky into her pants Monday, the Naples Daily News reported Thursday. Deputies caught up to the pair, who were fleeing in Vanhouten's Dodge Charger, and discovered an oxycodone pill where Harman had been sitting. They said Harman left three syringes and white lace behind in their patrol car and she was found to be carrying several needle caps and a straw. Harman was charged with drug possession and paraphernalia, smuggling of contraband into a detention facility, criminal mischief, resisting a law enforcement officer and petit theft. Vanhouten was charged with fleeing and eluding law enforcement officers.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dave Re: Detail View Dear Webby, Sometime ago, before I was the victim of a virus attack, I remember a tip to maintain a 'Details' view in a folder. Is there a global setting which will always keep a 'details' view in any folder? I really look forward to these tips! Thanks for all - jokes, pictures and especially the tip. Dave Dear Dave In the File Explorer, hit ALT V D That will do the trick. However, keep in mind that after about 30-40 viewings, Windows goes senile and fergets. Then you just hit that key combination again. There is a longwinded way to do the same in the registry, but it's not worth the hassle. It is not any mre permanent. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Approaching eighty-five years of age, Mrs. Harris finally decided it was time to give up her apartment in New York and move to Miami. She was given the name of a Florida realtor, who enthusiastically drove her all over Miami, extolling the virtues of every apartment they looked at. "And this one, what a steal," he rhapsodized, "the investment of a lifetime. Why, in ten years it's gonna be worth three times..." "Sonny," interrupted Mrs. Harris, "at my age I don't even buy green bananas."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Print On The Back Side Of Paper Instead of throwing away copy paper that has been run through the printer or copier, I have started to save them. Place the used paper in a file folder or appropriate sized box to keep the corners flat and paper unwrinkled. I then use the back of these sheets to print proof reading copies or other things where it doesn't matter if the back has already been used. It can really save money and resources. I do this at home and at work and feel good about getting all the use I can out of every sheet of paper. By Bebe52 from Lambert, MS http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Use an empty sewing thread spool, wood or styrofoam, as a stamp, and a regular stamp pad for inking, and stamp the used side. That will save a LOT of confusion! When somebody shows up with a kid, they love stamping the used sides and usually would gladly do a lot more, than you have ready for them. In many offices that trick halves the paper expense. What cuts expenses even more is a good and reliable ink and toner supplier like Atlantic Inkjet. We have used their ink and toner for over 10 years and have been very happy with their prices and fast service. They even take back unused ink cartridges, when you upgrade printers! Highly recommended! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The court case concerned a will and Kelly was a witness. "Was the deceased," asked the attorney, "In the habit of talking to himself when he was alone?" "I don't know," said the Irishman. "Come now man, you don't know and yet you pretend you were intimately acquainted with the deceased?" "Well, Mr. Lawyer," said Kelly, "I never happened to be with him when he was alone. "
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters' place. They put up a big bold sign which read: "WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!" Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign: "WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS

» Colors






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Restore icon placement 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, July 30

Thank you Betty!


Ringedingding
DW: "Hi! This is DearWebby at Webby"
Telebimbo: "IS THIS WEBBY INCORPORATED?"
DW: "No. This is DearWebby at Webby"
Telebimbo: "CAN I TALK TO SOMEBODY IN MARKETING?"
DW: "No."
Telebimbo: "I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEBODY IN MARKETING 
       WHO IS IN CHARGE OF PURCHASING ADVERTISING!"
DW: "So?"
Telebimbo: "I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO SOMEBODY IN MARKETING."
DW: "Have you tried taking Ex-Lax?"
Telebimbo: "SIR, I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO SOMEBODY IN MARKETING."
DW: "Well that's tough. Nobody in marketing talks to telebimbos. Try email."
Telebimbo: "WE DON'T HAVE EMAIL. I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO 
        SOMEBODY IN MARKETING." 
DW: "You can use VideoChat, if you don't have email. Just
      put a paper bag over your head."
Telebimbo: "SIR, I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO SOMEBODY IN MARKETING."
DW: "Well that's tough. Nobody in marketing talks to telebimbos. Try email."
Telebimbo: "SIR, WE DO NOT HAVE EMAIL!"
DW: "Well, if you don't have email, and don't have a paper sack
    to cover your head, then why are you phoning me?"      
Telebimbo: "SIR, I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO SOMEBODY IN MARKETING."
DW: "You really should invest in a paper sack. You probably don't look
    too bad with a paper sack over your head. 
    Well, the computer finished booting up. I got to go.
    Don't call us, we'll call you, maybe." Click.

It' amazing how some people figure they can get any business
in today's world while they use last century's methods.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"To escape criticism--do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." --- Elbert Hubbard "Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship." --- Zeuxis (~400 B.C.)
A friend of mine was telling me her flight from Boston to New York was delayed, which meant she missed her connection home to Seattle. She joined a group of other passengers, all in the same boat, each hoping to book seats on the next flight out. All of the passengers waited patiently except for one man who treated the ticket agent very rudely. "I had an aisle seat reserved and I BETTER get an aisle seat when we get on another plane," he ranted and raved. A few minutes later the ticket agent announced that there would be room for everyone. "And, sir," she said, addressing the rude fella, "I'm happy to tell you that I was able to get you an aisle seat, sir. It is at the very back, but it is an isle seat." The man, still muttering, picked up his carry on, grabbed his boarding pass, and headed through the door. The agent continued, "And I'm also pleased to announce the rest of you will be seated in First Class."
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

Nike has recalled more than 400 thousand defective shoes after reports that the poor workmanship may have injured 6 people. A Nike company spokesperson was upset, griping, "You just can't get good help for 75 cents a day anymore".
Click through the picture to the large version. Pink-necked Green-Pigeon
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Justin Lee Clark, 22, of Canton; Jonathan Lee Earwood, 22, of Canton; and Ashley Caudle, 28, of Marietta, GA Police ID Suspects Accused Of Firing At Cops COBB COUNTY, Ga. -- Police have identified three suspects accused of shooting at Cobb County police during a chase. Justin Lee Clark, 22, of Canton; Jonathan Lee Earwood, 22, of Canton; and Ashley Caudle, 28, of Marietta, were all charged with possession of a firearm by a convicted felon, among a whole lot of other charges. Friday's chase ended with a crash on busy Chastain Road, police said. Investigators said the chase started when a white Honda Civic, driven by Clark, tried to provoke a motorcycle officer by running into his lane. "The motor officer yelled at the car, ‘Hey, what are you doing?’ The suspect, again, encroached on the officer’s lane, the officer initiated a traffic stop and the suspect then fled,” said Cobb County police Officer Michael Bowman. Police said the driver ran a red light, went the wrong way down part of Barrett Parkway, and then raised the stakes. "Sometime between Barrett Parkway and Town Center Mall, there are shots fired at the officer. The motor officer is the only one there; there are no car units there. Per policy, the motor officer is told to disengage the chase,” Bowman said. That's when police said the driver blew by a marked car, which gave chase again and ended when the Honda crashed into another car at Chastain Road. The driver dashed off, but police quickly caught all three suspects. Two guns were found in the car, police said. Contrary to earlier reports that shots were fired at the motorcycle police officer, authorities now say a weapon accidentally discharged inside Clark's car as a passenger was getting a firearm out of his pants.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Nolan Re: Restore icon placement Dear Webby, My dad plays some weird games on the computer, and he keeps messing with the resolution. The worst is some old flight simulator. After that, all the icons are shuffled all over the place and some can't even be found until I move others. Is there a way to nail the icons down permanently ? Nolan Dear Nolan No, you can't nail them down. When Windows changes the monitor resolution, instead of recalculating icon sizes and placement, it simply trashes that and re-arranges your icons. A System Restore will usually bring them back to where they belong, but that is pretty hot medicine! There is a little freeware program that just saves the desktop settings and lets you restore those. It is called "Save My Desktop", and I have had it on my Tool Box for ages. Just scoot down until you get to a dark green button Save My Desktop on it. Don't worry, it is free. Some of you should be able to download it from here. Once you have it installed, arrange all your icons and desktop features the way you like them, then hit the icon for "Save My Desktop", and select "SAVE". When you need to restore them, hit that icon and select "RESTORE". That's all there is to it. Yes, there are probably a dozen copycat programs, that do the same, and no, I have not tested any of those. "Save My Desktop" has worked fine for me since Windows95. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Judy hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. "How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her. "Well, I was trying to commit suicide," Judy replied. "What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?" "No, Silly!" Judy said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $3,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest." "So then?" asked the doctor. "Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth." "So then?" "Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make A Thrifty Recycled Drink Container I am a person who cannot keep up with her belongings. Let me hasten to remind you that it is not age. I have always been a scatterbrain and I have watches, umbrellas, and car cups scattered all over. I can't make a watch or an umbrella, but I have come up with a freebie car cup. Older people in Houston need a ready supply of water during at least 10 months out of the year. I took a large plastic mayonnaise jar and a bendy soda straw and voila! a car cup. DH drilled the holes in the plastic jar lid since he doesn't like me playing with his power toys. He drilled one hole for the straw and one for water displacement. If I lose it I have a ready supply of jars and straws on the shelf. By MartyD from Houston, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all weekend.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Doug meets Bill at the bar after work and is once again looking down in the dumps. "Whats wrong now Doug," asked Bill. Doug replies, "They called in a management team and gave everyone in the office an aptitude test to see what they were best suited for." "Yeah, so whats the problem with that?" Doug sighs, "Well it seems that I am best suited for retirement."

» Exceptionally Cute Critter Pix






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How to extract Music from PPS files 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, July 29
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

The Saskatoon berries are going to be a week or two late 
this year. They are just barely a reddish green, but there
sure will be lots of them!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"English is a language where double negatives are a no-no." --- Alfred E. Neuman (Except in 'Bama. In 'Bama that ain't not wrong nohow!) "Be anchored to some ideal, philosophy or cause that keeps you too excited to sleep." --- Brian Koslow
A rich Texan was showing a visitor his backyard. The guest asked, "But why three swimming pools?" "It's simple," the Texam explained. "One is a hot water pool and the second a cold water one." And the third one is empty," exclaimed the visitor. "Why sure," said the Texan. "That one is for friends who can't swim!"
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

"Armstrong," the boss bellowed, "I happen to know that the reason you didn't come to work yesterday was that you were out playing golf! What do you have to say for yourself?" "That's a rotten lie!" Armstrong protested. "And I have the fish to prove it!"
Thanks to dad for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to VictorBurgos.jpg Man put fake bomb on own car NEW YORK (AP) - A fugitive from upstate New York who taunted police on his Facebook page to 'catch me if you can. I'm in Brooklyn' has been arrested. The Daily News says U.S. marshals and NYPD detectives tracked Victor Burgos down to an apartment in Brooklyn's Bedford-Stuyvesant neighborhood Monday night, sitting at his computer with his Facebook page open. The 29-year-old suspect was wanted by Utica police on multiple arrest warrants for domestic violence and harassment of his former girlfriend. He allegedly issued the Facebook challenge after his mug shot appeared on the Utica Police Department's 10 most wanted list. Utica Sgt. Steve Hauck tells the News: "He told us via Facebook to come and get him and we did."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dianne Re: Extract music from PPS Dear Webby My rebuilt computer is missing a lot. What was is, that you once gave me to extract music from PPS files? Dianne Dear Dianne I still use the Power Point Extractor. Ignore the name of the program, and just select what you want to extract, and in what format. It is free. You can also get it via my tool box. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Little Johnny farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out. He goes and sits outside the class and can't stop laughing. The principle walks by and sees him sitting outside laughing. He says, "Little Johnny what are you doing sitting here laughing?" Little Johnny says, "I farted in class and the teacher threw me out." The principal says, "Well then, why are you laughing?" Little Johnny says, "Because he is sitting in the classroom, smelling my fart while I am outside in this beautiful, clean air."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Create Stick Sculptures to Attract Birds This tip is "for the birds" in your garden. I don't throw away large sticks that fall during storms, instead I keep them and use them to make stick sculptures for the birds. They add whimsy to my garden and the birds LOVE to land on them because after all they are sticks from real trees. I started with a plain garden hook and just attached the sticks as I found them and it's an ever changing sculpture. You can add birdhouses or anything you want to, but I guarantee you that the birds will land on it and land on it often! By Jeanasina from Richfield, MN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
"Doctor, My husband thinks he is a chicken." "Oh no - how long has this been going on?" "About a year!" "A year! Why did you wait so long to come see me?" "Well, we needed the eggs."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Vern for this story: I had given our daughter, who was 14 at the time, a driver's manual. On the way to town one day, I was coaching her as I drove. I told her to be studying her book so as to be ready when it came time to get her drivers permit. "Oh, she said, "I already know everything in the book." "You do?" I returned. "Yep", she said, very smugly. I thought, "OK, I'll give her a hard one." So I asked her, "How many feet does it take to stop the car if you are driving 60 miles an hour and have to slam on the brakes real hard?" "One," she replied. "What?" I asked. "One?!" She repeated her answer and then because of the con- fused look on my face, she added, "You always told me never to use my left foot on the brakes, only use my right one."

» 3D Panoramas






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Does Google want your personal info? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, July 28

I had to drive into Calgary for a heart stress test. 
Sounds scary, but it was just sitting in a chair, shirt off
with a dozen EKG leads stuck onto freshly shaved and sanded
spots on my chest, and waiting for 40 minutes, 
then walking and jogging on a treadmill, that got faster AND
steeper every three minutes.

Well, I have to admit, that big, ugly GE treadmill beat me. 
After nine minutes the nurse was holding on to my belt at
my back, in case I keeled over. I don't think she could 
have stopped me from falling down, if I did, but it probably 
would have been fun, if she had tried.

After 9 minutes I was getting quite short of air and told her, 
that was enough. I am definitely not in the same shape any 
more, that I used to be at age 20. 
However, the heart handled the stress test just fine. Not a
single malfunction during the entire test.

I realized, though, that I need to shift my exercising from
casual to challenging. 
9 minutes is not long enough '-)

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Words ought to be a little wild for they are the assaults of thought on the unthinking. --- John Maynard Keynes What looks like wrestling to some, might be dancing to others. --- Andy Griffith
There was an old lady wandering around the supermarket calling out, "Crisco, Crisssssssco!" Soon a store clerk approached. "Madam, the Crisco is in aisle D." The old lady replied, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff, I'm calling my husband." "Your husband's name is Crisco?" The old lady answered, "Oh, no, no, no. I only call him that when we're out in public." "Well, what do you call him when you're at home?" "Lardass"
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

Three men go on a trip to the desert. One is smart, one is average, and the third is Bambo. The smart guy says, "I brought water, so we won't go thirsty." The average guy says, "I brought food, so we won't go hungry." Then, they ask Bambo what he brought, and Tim says, "I brought this car window, so we can roll it down, if we get hot." But wait, there's more! As it turns out, the window Bambo brought came from a stolen car. The three men are arrested, taken to jail, and put in separate cells. Somehow, the smart guy manages to get hold of the keys, and unlocks each of their cells. They then proceed to escaping through a window. The smart guy goes first, and sees a wall blocking his escape route. He also sees a tall tree next to the wall, which he starts climbing, figuring this was the only way to get past the wall. As the smart guy reaches the top of the wall, a guard on the other side hears him. "Who's there?" asked the guard. The smart guy replies with a convincing "Meow. Meow." "Oh," says the guard, "it's only a cat in a tree." So the smart guy gets away. The average guy goes next. He climbs the same tree, and the same guard hears him. "Who's there?" "Tweet, tweet. Tweet, tweet." "It's only a bird in a tree," the guard mutters. And, last but not least, it is now Bambo's turn to escape. Now Bambo has been watching the others make their escapes, and he likes their approach. So, he climbs the same tree, to get over the same wall, and meets the same guard. Meanwhile, Tim has been concentrating - what's wrong with that picture? -: Ok, animal noises. Think animal noises. Of course, the guard hears him, and asks, "Who's there?" "Moooo. Moooo." Naturally, that gets all three of them caught. All three men are recaptured, and taken, as targets, to the firing range as punishment for their jailbreak. The smart guy, as usual, goes first. They bring him out, and the man in charge yells, "Ready...Aim..-" But before he got a chance to continue, the smart guy yells, "Earthquake!!" Everyone ducks and covers, and the smart guy gets away. Next, the average guy is brought out. Again, the man in charge yells, "Ready...Aim..-" "Tornado!!" They all scatter, and the average guy gets away. Finally, they bring Bambo out. Once again, Bambo has been watching the other two, and, once again has been concentrating - twice in the same day?! -: Natural disasters. Natural disasters. Remember, natural disasters are the key to escape. Once again, the man in charge yells, "Ready...Aim..-" "Fire!!!" yells Bambo.
Thanks to dad for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jeffrey Boreman, 37 in Largo Florida Man put fake bomb on own car LARGO, Fla., July 23 (UPI) -- Police in Florida said they arrested a man accused of strapping a fake bomb to his car before taking it in for an oil change. Largo police said they were called to the Jiffy Lube on Walsingham Road July 16 by a mechanic who discovered the device while working on the 2004 Nissan Maxima brought in by Jeffrey Boreman, 37, the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times reported Friday. Lt. Edward Sohoski said police determined the device was a fake after it was removed and detonated by a team consisting of the bomb squad and agents from the FBI and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives. Sohoski said security camera footage from a Target store depicted Boreman purchasing several of the items used to create the hoax bomb. "There's evidence he's distraught over a pending divorce," Sohoski said. Police said nearby business were evacuated and traffic was backed up for hours as a result of the incident. Boreman was charged with planting a hoax bomb and was released Thursday on $10,000 bail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharron Re: Google wants info Dear Webby re your International Bonehead : - Shanda Kidd I would absolutely love it if they handed out these kind of stiff penalties to the villians over in my country. The judges here in Australia are either scared of the criminals or they're in their pay - maybe a bit of both. And I hate "plea bargaining" thats what got the honeymoon murderer only 18 months. BTW - I know it isn't your problem but I too have problems receiving your newsletter - I do get it spasmodically but usually I check it out at the site. The strange things is - I never have problems getting ThriftyFun. I was going to set up an email account with Google but they wanted too much info Still I do enjoy your newsletter Kind Regards Sharron Dear Sharron I agree 100% with your view about treating criminals! Don't worry about Google wanting info. You can make up every bit of it, as long as you mark it down somewhere. All that info is just to help you retrieve your password, in case you forget it. You can call yourself "My Grandma", born January 12, 1798, whatever! Just take a screen shot and save that, so that you can check it, if you ever need to. Nobody at Google gives a hoot about how close to reality that info is, as long as you have a record and can use it for password retrieval. I'll send you a Gmail invitation. Be as silly and ridiculous on it, as you want. Once you got it set up, subscribe with that address, and make a filter in Gmail, so that it never puts mail from humor@webby.com into the spam, no matter what naughty words I might mention. There is no rush with it, but sooner or later you'll have to do it anyway. Preferably before y7mail censors their own invoices. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Ellie for this story: One day I took my 6-year-old son with me to visit a friend at work. Everyone there knew me, and I was offered a cup of coffee. That day, as one of the employees went to make more coffee, my son followed her and asked, "What are you doing?" "I'm making your mom's favorite drink," she answered. Imagine my shock when I heard my son say, "Wow! You know how to make beer?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organizing Craft Patterns I love to sew, but one thing I don't like is trying to get the pattern pieces back into those little envelopes that have the pattern in it originally. I knew I had to do something. I went to an office supply store and bought some cheap file folders. I sew them along the sides then cut the pattern envelope to the size of the file folder and tape or glue it on the outside. It is so much easier to fold the pattern pieces to fit the file folder. I bought a file cabinet at an auction for $1.00 and I was set. No more frustration. By Carole from Klamath, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
In the subway train the conversation turned to the merits and demerits of various ways of preserving health. One stout, florid man held forth with great eloquence on the subject. "Look at me!" he said. "Never a day's sickness in my life, and all due to simple food. Why, gentlemen," he continued, "from the age of twenty to that of forty I lived an absolutely simple regular life --- no effeminate delicacies, no late hours, no extravagances. Every day, in fact, summer and winter, I was in bed regularly at nine o'clock and up again at five in the morning. I worked from eight to one, then had dinner --a plain dinner, mark my words! After that, an hour's exercise; then.." "Excuse me, sir," interrupted the facetious stranger in the corner, "but what were you in prison for that long ???"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An airline captain was breaking in a very new stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

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Email notice about Microsoft update 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, July 27

I am amazed at the boneheadedness of Obamanov's advisors.
Obviously they don't realize, that the lenders are getting rather
concerned. Their reluctance to reduce taxes to encourage
economic recovery just makes them look like idiots, who don't
understand the economy or the influence of taxes on it.
The juvenile delusion that taxing the job creators will get
the bills paid is insane. That didn't work for Stalin or 
anybody else, who tried that.

Hopefully somebody will clue them in before month-end!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself." ---A.H. Weiler Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) Plato had slaves...George Washington had slaves... So, do I feel intrinsically better than these two men? Of course I do! They're dead! --- Todd Andrew Reid
A golfer is playing a round of golf with his buddies. On the sixth hole, a hole over water, he proceeds to flub nine balls into the water. Frustrated over his poor golfing ability, and about ready to hit somebody, he heaves his golf clubs into the water, and begins to walk off the course. Then all of a sudden he turns around and jumps back in the lake, his buddies apparently thinking he is going to retrieve his clubs. When he comes out of the water he doesn't have his clubs and begins to walk off the course. Then one of his buddies asks, "Why did you jump into the lake?" He replied, "I left my car keys in the bag."
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

Thanks to Andy for this story: As my five year old son and I were headed to McDonald's one day, we passed a car accident. Usually when we see something terrible like that, we say a prayer for those who might be hurt, so I pointed and said to my son, "We should pray." From the back seat I heard his earnest request: "Please, God, don't let those cars block the entrance to McDonald's."
Thanks to Sue for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Daturas
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jack Van Sickle, 28, Des Moines, Iowa Driver accused of ramming Des Moines police cruiser A Des Moines man is in custody for ramming a Des Moines police squad car repeatedly Thursday night and early today during a chase. Jack Daniel Van Sickle, 28, is charged with felony eluding, assault on a police officer and driving while his license was suspended. He is held in the Polk County Jail on $10,500 bond. Officer Paul Parizek followed Van Sickle’s vehicle at about 11:55 p.m. Thursday because Van Sickle allegedly made an improper lane change. “Concerned that the driver may be impaired I followed after the car to further monitor it’s operation,” the officer wrote in a report When Van Sickle signaled a left turn and then turned right shortly thereafter, Parizek activated emergency lights and tried to pull him over. After slowing to a stop on East Grand Avenue near East 19th Street, Van Sickle reportedly sped away, followed by the officer. Speeds reached 70 mph on Capitol Avenue, according to the report. After the suspect’s vehicle appeared to slide under a parked semi trailer in a parking lot, Parizek prepared to get out of his police cruiser. “I could see Van Sickle looking at me,” the officer wrote. “Van Sickle then suddenly backed up with his car, striking mine in the front push dumper area. I thought this may have been unintentional at first, but when I didn’t move, Van Sickle, while looking directly at me, did it a second time.” The suspect managed to get away again and raced off down Capitol Avenue. Parizek attempted to disable the fleeing vehicle by sending it into a spin with a bumper tap. Van Sickle accelerated. The bumper of the officer’s car became wedged under the passenger door of Van Sickle’s car, the officer wrote in his report. “I could feel Van Sickle accelerating and bumping his car into mine,” the officer said. Another officer rammed his squad car into the fleeing Chevrolet Impala. Parizek applied his brakes and was able to bring the chase to a halt. The officer was trapped in his squad car so he crawled out a window. Other officers arrived and helped remove the suspect from the car. Officers are checking to see if Van Sickle was impaired at the time. Van Sickle’s car was impounded. Officer Parizek’s car was disabled and towed from the scene.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: Email notice about Microsoft update Dear Webby can you please let me have the directions for the update for the Microsoft Windows Security Update. I recieved 2 notifications about it in my mail but both were infected with a worm virus. I am not sure if this was sent from Microsoft and the worm attached itself along the way, or if it was sent by a nasty type!! I have been away for a while and heard about the update from friends. Is it necessary to download this? Thanks Ann Dear Ann First, change the date on your computer. Because your date is incorrect, your mail gets lost way back in amongst long taken care of mail. I found yours accidentally, because I had to go back there for some other mail. DON'T install or use those phony update notices! Just carefully find and delete the attachments, then delete those mails. Microsoft does NOT EVER send out update notices, especially not from AOL or Yahoo addresses. They have a lot more class than that. Windows has an option built in for automatically getting updates directly from Microsoft. Just click on the desktop, hit F1, and seachr for "updating" to see how that is handled by the version of Windows that you are using. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted. The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife. "Fetch the Bible," he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner. "Now find Psalm 23," he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw. The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog. That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were very impressed. One man asked, "Can he do regular dog tricks, too?" "I haven't tried yet," the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at the dog. "Heel!" the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl. The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, "Good Lord! He's Pentecostal!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Honey Bottle in a Mason Jar I buy the plastic squeeze bottles of honey at the grocery store and they always drip and leave a "honey ring" in my cabinet. So here's a great tip. Put the honey bottle right inside a mason jar or other jar that it will fit into. No more honey drips! The drips stay in the jar and with a lid on it, the bugs and ants aren't attracted to it! By tltrani from Boulder Creek, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ A well cleaned out shampoo pumper works fine for honey. At worst, you get one precise drop of honey oozing out of the long spout after usage, but it is easy enough to catch that with one finger. The container stayes clean and dry. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Bob for this story: During my freshman year at East Texas State University in Commerce, I worked nights as a waiter. The following year, wanting my evenings free, I applied for a dormitory maintenance job and was asked, "How are you on punctuality?" "Oh, I'm good at that," I blurted out without thinking. "I'm an English major."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two Irishmen are walking along. One says to the other, "What a beautiful night Mick, just look at dat moon." Mick stops and looks at his friend. "You're wrong Paddy, dat's not the moon, dat's the sun." They began to argue when they come upon another Irishmen. "Excuse us sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what's dat ting up in the sky shining. Is it the moon or the sun?" "Sorry fellas, I don't live around here."

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How to fix the black menu bar bug in IE 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, July 26

A few readers pointed out that, if you have W7 Premium or 
Home Premium, then there are more email programs to select
as default, however, only few of the full featured legacy programs
popular in industry and commerce. It is no problem, though,
since they all start fine when called from a desktop icon, and
it is not that big a hardship, not being able to mail from
the file explorer. Most people can get used to that with just 
minor griping and cussing.

Last night I did major griping and cussing, when the DSL
failed three hours before sending out the newsletters.
With Telus, the night shift support is just some Taliban, 
who try to blame problems on you and waste time until you 
hang up on them.

I did manage to send everything out via slow dial-up, but
as you can probably imagine, I was not happy about that.
When I called them again in the morning, they realised
that almost 300 DSL clients were cut off and admitted, 
that it was not my fault after all. Early afternoon the DSL 
was restored, and I could work at normal speed again.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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We are all apt to believe what the world believes about us. --- George Eliot The artist doesn't have time to listen to the critics. The ones who want to be writers read the reviews, the ones who want to write don't have the time to read reviews. --- William Faulkner
Working for a pediatrician calls for stifling a chuckle from time to time. When a frantic mother phoned to tell us her baby had a high temperature of 102, we had to know whether she was taking the reading under the arm, in the mouth or elsewhere. So we asked, "How are you taking it?" Her reply: "Oh, I'm holding up pretty well!"
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

A small boy stunned his parents when he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes and quarters. Finally his mother said, "Where did you get all that money?" "At Sunday School," the boy replied nonchalantly. "They have big bowls of it."
Thanks to dad for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shanda Kidd, 22, in Chicago, Ill. Woman’s bullets fell out of gun just before she tried to shoot cop Shandra Kidd didn’t realize her gun was empty when she tried to shoot a Chicago Police officer. All the bullets fell out when she was running from the officer. Unfortunately for her, the officer’s gun was loaded. And the officer shot her in the buttocks. On Thursday, Kidd was sentenced to 55 years in prison for attempted murder and unlawful possession of a weapon by a felon. In May 2007, officers were investigating a report of shots fired near 78th and Burnham when they stopped a car Kidd was riding in. She ran and when an officer caught her, she stuck a gun in the officer’s chest and pulled the trigger. But the gun didn’t go off. The officer and Kidd struggled and they fell down. When they got up, she stuck the gun in the officer’s chest again and again pulled the trigger. Again, it didn’t go off. That’s when the officer shot Kidd, 22, of the 7700 block of South Phillips. Police later found that the cylinder of Kidd’s gun had opened during the chase and all the bullets had fallen out. Judge Neil Linehan sentenced Kidd on Thursday. “This is a fitting and a just sentence for anyone who would be so bold as to fire a gun at a police officer,” Cook County State’s Attorney Anita Alvarez said. “We are grateful that this officer was uninjured in this incident and we will continue to prosecute violent crimes against police officers to the fullest extent of the law.” In most other states she would not have survived THAT much boneheadedness.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Helen Re: Black menu bar in IE8 Hi, Webby, Any idea how my menu bar in Internet Explorer could have gotten blacked out? The headings are still there under the black, and they are lightly visible when you click on the help menu, but it goes back to black when you exit the help pop-up. A couple of other bars are black, also. This is IE8. THANKS!! Helen Dear Helen I switched from IE6 to FireFox and spared myself all those headaches. Microsoft is confused about that black bar bug too, not just you. Microsoft This guy seems to have found a way around that problem: Fix black menu bug Just get into High Contrast mode and out of that again, as fast as possible, and it will be fine. Don't stay in High Contrast mode, because a lot of stuff simply does not work in that mode. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Q: How can you tell if a Redneck is Working in your Office? A: The monitor is up on blocks. ---------- Put the computer up on blocks! It will suck a lot fewer dust bunnies into it's innards and run a lot cooler.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Flavoring Water Without Adding Calories I can't consume artificial sweetener of any kind without getting really sick, so I freeze chunks of fresh fruit and put in the freezer to use as a flavoring and cooling agent. Pineapple, lemons, limes, apples, pears, watermelon, and honeydew are all good choices. I also like the Lipton tea bags with herb and orange. A few dips of a tea bag in a glass of water with ice will get me 3 glasses of slightly flavored beverage that changes up just plain water. By T and T Grandma from Benson, MN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A proud mother telephoned a Sunday newspaper to announce she had given birth to triplets. The line was bad, and the operator didn't hear the message. "Would you repeat that?", the operator asked. "Not if I can help it, " said the mother.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A woman was waiting at an airport one night, With several long hours before her flight. She hunted for a book in the airport shops, Bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop. She was engrossed in her book but happened to see, That the man sitting beside her, as bold as could be. Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag in between, Which she tried to ignore to avoid a scene. So she munched the cookies and watched the clock, As the gutsy cookie thief diminished her stock. She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by, Thinking, "If I wasn't so nice, I would blacken his eye." With each cookie she took, he took one too, When only one was left, she wondered what he would do. With a smile on his face, and a nervous laugh, He took the last cookie and broke it in half. He offered her half, as he ate the other, She snatched it from him and thought...oooh, brother. This guy has some nerve and he's also rude, Why he didn't even show any gratitude! She had never known when she had been so galled, And sighed with relief when her flight was called. She gathered her belongings and headed to the gate, Refusing to look back at that thieving ingrate. She boarded the plane, and sank in her seat, Then sought her book, which was almost complete. As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise, There was her bag of cookies, in front of her eyes. If mine are here, she moaned with despair, The others were his, and he tried to share. Too late to apologize, she realized with grief, That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief.

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Changing the default email program in W7 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, July 25

A friend changed her email address, again. 
I asked her why she keeps doing that and being a nuisance?
She claims, it is the only way to escape the spam.

Considering, that I have used humor@webby.com for about
15 years, unchanged, I had to laugh about that wacky notion.

Expecting everybody else to update your address every time
you think you are getting mor spam, than you can cope with,
just makes you look incompetent. Are you sure, you should be
allowed onto a computer without competent supervision?

I use MailWasher, and have since the last century. 
Wow, that makes me sound old! Actually, it was just a dozen 
or so years ago, that I first got it.

The main advantages of MailWasher are:
1) It, and you, sort the mail on the server, prior to 
downloading it. You only download the mails, that you are
actually going to read / answer / file. You don't waste time
on spam.

2) It is childishly easy to make filters, that will make sure 
mail from specific addresses always gets through, no matter 
what they write about. Yes, Mom MIGHT be joking about a topic,
that you normally consider spam, so you need a reliable way
to get her mail through.

3) MailWasher lets you easily click together very sophsticated
filters using your own rules and regulations and exceptions.

4) It is surprisingly cheap, and it is really easy to transfer
from an old to a new machine. I highly recommend
MailWasher.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"Whoever could make two ears of corn ... grow upon a spot of ground where only one grew before, would deserve better of mankind .. than the whole race of politicians put together." --- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
The sermon had been going on too long, and the minister should have been able to see the congregation getting more than a little restless; he droned on none-the-less for yet another 15 minutes. Finally he paused and said, "What else can I say, Brothers and Sisters?" "How about 'Amen,' preacher?" said a hungry soul from the rear of the church.
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

A van carrying a dozen movie stunt men on the way to a film location in the mountains spun out of control on the ravel road, crashed through a guardrail, rolled down a 190-foot embankment, came to stop on it's roof, and burst into flames. There were no injuries.
Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Leroy Shaffer, 72, in St Francis, Minn Councilman mails fake grenade to himself ST. FRANCIS, Minn. (AP) - Police say a city council member in Minnesota mailed himself a fake grenade to gain sympathy from his constituents. Leroy Schaffer was cited for filing a false police report after calling St. Francis officers last week to report a suspicious package he received in the mail. Schaffer showed the officer a package postmarked from Chicago in his mailbox. Police say the councilman told the officer he thought it was a bomb because "he was in politics and has a lot of enemies.'' Schaffer insisted the officer open the package. And, when the officer declined, Schaffer ripped it open to reveal what looked like a real hand grenade. A note in the box said "The next one will be real.'' When Schaffer was interviewed by detectives, he admitted driving to Chicago and mailing himself the package in order to gain sympathy from the public. The mayor and town council don't get along with Shaffer and don't have any kind words about him, and two local women have restraining orders against him, however, he traditionally gets a lot more votes than any other town councilors. After being charged in the fake bomb incident, he now has resigned from town council.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Peggy Re: Changing the default email program in W7 I have a friend that uses Window 7, and hates the mail program because she can't use her stationery---what would be the best email program for her to change to, so she can use her pretty stationery? Thank you for your help. Peggy Dear Peggy She will have to contact Microsoft Support. Due to very snotty programming, Windows 7 does not allow you to set other email programs as default email programs, well not without some very serious messing around in the Registry. She can use other email programs by starting them from an icon or from MailWasher, but highlighting a picture or music and hitting "SEND" in the explorer defaults to Windows Live Mail. Yes, the Europeans are planning to sue them about it, like they did about them making IE the default. Eudora still works fine in W7, and has handled stationery just fine for about 20 years. Except for W7 not allowing it as a default SEND program, it works just fine on W7. Thunderbird and many other email programs also work fine on W7, as long as you start them from an icon or call them from MailWasher. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Rosa for this story: Years ago while attending a dinner party hosted by some friends of mine the hostess served a meal with this delicious mushroom sauce. After the meal there was a small amount left over and the hostess decided to allow her pregnant cat to enjoy the treat as well as the guests. The guests all felt it was a great gesture and showed the cat was a member of the family. The sauce was the highlight of the evenings topic of conversation, everyone commented on how delicious it was, and the hostess beamed at all the compliments. One of the guest commented that toadstools were much like mushrooms except for being toxic, and how funny it would be is such a culinary treat were made from that instead. As if on cue, the pet cat started crying and squirming on the floor, clutching its belly. The hostess exclaimed, "Oh my God, it's the mushroom sauce!" We all went to the emergency room in a mad rush, and had our stomachs pumped after telling them we had eaten poisonous mushrooms. This was an extremely unpleasant experience. We we got back, the cat was lying on the floor peacefully looking up at us, and had given birth to kittens.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use a Window Fan To Cool Home To keep your house comfy and save money on electricity during summertime, buy an exhaust fan that you can easily mount/dismount in one of your windows. Use two cheap thermometers, or just use your senses, to check whether outside temps are lower than inside. When the outside temp is lower than inside, turn on the exhaust fan. It will expel warm air and cool air must then enter to replace it. You must have at least one other window or door open. Stand in front of it and enjoy. By tomatohanger from Canton, OH http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Buy a louvred barn exhaust fan with sturdy aluminum louvres to maintain good security. Those barn fans also usually have strong metal mosquito screens keeping bugs and birds out, plus, when the fan is not running, the metal louvres fall shut. They are fairly cheap, but don't go too big or powerful! half Horsepower should be the absolute maximum, but a quarter HP is usually plenty. If you need fast cooling, for example when you et home from work, hang a blanket onto the opposite window, where you pull in fresh air from the shady side, and connect an aquarium pump to a mister spray, that will spray a very fine mist of water onto the outside of the blanket. Ideally, the blanket should not drip, and all the mist should be evaporated. The system will take all the necessary evaporation heat, 625 calories per gram of water, from the air, that gets pulled through the blanket or curtain. This trick works very well in reasonably dry climates, but not so well in damp, muggy areas. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
I boarded the train and took my seat. The seat next to me was empty, but not for long. A young mother boarded with her 5-year-old daughter and Mom sat down in the seat beside me. I offered my seat to the little girl but Mom said no, she'd sit the young one on her lap. So here I am holding my roses, now with a little lady straining to see what I was holding. "What ya got, mister?" she asked. (Mom is getting a bit flustered and tells her to mind her business.) I leaned the "package" over a bit and she looks and says loudly, "Ohhhh, ROSES!, who are they for?" (Now, Mom is embarrassed and tapping her on the rear telling her to sit down.) I said, "they're for my girlfriend". The little 5 year old said, again with a loud, piercing voice: "WOW, pretty RED ones, and a LOT of them, too! Man, you really must have f****d up!" Her mother turned as red as the roses, but all the other passengers bust a gut laughing.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An Irishman's wife calls the doctor, stating that her husband has taken ill. The doctor asks if she had taken his temperature; she replied that she hadn't but would and then call back. When she hadn't called within a half hour, the doctor called and asked her what had happened. She said, "Well, I didn't have a thermometer, so I put a barometer on his chest and it said dry, so I gave him a pint of beer and he went off to work!"

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Letter of the year...... 

Dear Mother-in-Law

Please don't try to tell me how to raise my kids -
I'm married to one of yours and believe me there's room for improvement!

Yours sincerely Your Daughter-in-Law



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Un-install programs on W7 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, July 24

The most asked about buzz word this month is "cloud computing".
Am I ready for cloud computing?
Well, I have been doing it since about 1994. 
What's the big deal?
Well, it seems to be a big deal when Microsoft or Google are 
involved. I agree, Google Docs and Google spreadsheets are
going to be quite neat, some day. You can already have a
very basic spreadsheet on the cloud, and have a few people
on different locations mess with it. 

"Ya mean just like PowWow Draw 20 years ago, where people
in different locations could work on the same presentation?"
Yes, Gramma, just like that, only now owned and promoted 
by big name corporations.

Wikipedia is another example of cloud computing. People from
different locations can add to documents or edit and correct them.

Cloud computing is more or less just shifting an office LAN into
a WAN (Wide Area Network).

The Internet Postcards, that we have been providing since 1994,
are "on the cloud". People visit the card sites, select pictures,
music, poetry, compose a message and send the card off to 
somebody, without ever downloading any file or data into the
computer, that they are using. The recipient then gets a pick-up
notice and goes to view the postcard on the net.
That is true cloud computing, just withhout confusing buzz words.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own" --- Robert A. Heinlein "The difference between a job and a career is the difference between forty and sixty hours a week." --- Robert Frost
One of my first assignments on a summer job at an auto-body shop was a car needing a new fender and some door repairs. I spent hours doing a perfect job, but when the owner came to pick it up, he wasn't pleased. "What's wrong?" I asked. Pointing to the side of the car, he complained about the paint not matching, uneven gaps between panels, and a host of other nitpicking little problems. He demanded an explanation and that it be re-done. "The repairs were to the other side," I noted. "You smashed in the passenger side, not the driver side. This side I only hosed off some of the dirt."
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

*Dumb Sports Quotes* “Left hand, right hand, it doesn’t matter. I’m amphibious.” --- Charles Shackleford “Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points, they almost always win.” --– Doug Collins *"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." --- Greg Norman *"There have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious." --- Alan Minter *"The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests, is absolutely round." --- Tony Crozier “The drivers have one foot on the brake, one on the clutch, and one on the throttle.” --– Bob Varsha “You can sum up this sport [boxing] in two words: ‘You never know.’” --- Lou Duva “He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.” --– Lou Deva… again. “The NFL, like life, is full of idiots.” –-- Randy Cross After being asked if he preferred grass or Astroturf, he responded with this gem. “I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf.” --– Tug Mcgraw “Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical.” --– Yogi Berra “If you come to a fork in the road, take it.” --- Yogi Berra
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John Onak, 49, in Houston, Texas Perp kept Driving After Hitting, Killing Pedestrian (Who Crashed Through Windshield Into His Front Seat) The Houston man, 49, was charged in connection with a collision early this morning that resulted in the death of a 32-year-old man, who had exited his Ford Explorer after it broke down on a freeway. The victim was struck by Onak’s Mazda around 12:30 AM as he sought to cross the roadway. Onak, police reported, did not stop driving, despite the fact that the victim “went through the front windshield and came to a rest in the front passenger seat of the Mazda.” Onak, pictured in the above mug shot, was later stopped by a cop who noticed that the vehicle “had extensive front-end damage.” And that there was a dead guy riding shotgun. “The driver advised the deputy that he had hit something on the freeway but was not aware the victim was lying in the passenger seat,” according to a Houston Police Department press release. “Onak was believed to be under the influence and a mandatory blood draw was taken.” Onak was charged with felony accident involving injury, though the investigation is continuing and additional charges could be forthcoming.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Fanny Re: Uninstall programs on W7 Dear Webby Windows 7 would not be so bad, if the dummies had not hid everything in different places. Is there ANY reason at all for moving the gas pedal into the ashtray and the brake behind the rear view mirror? Is there ANY reason for doing that, aside from proving they are user-hostile arsehoes and know the sheeple let them get away with it? And where the heck did they hide Control Panel, Add/Remove Programs ? Fanny Dear Fanny I feel the same way about Windows 7. That is why Vista was such a failure. They moved stuff around without any reason whatsoever, and annoyed everybody. To dump a program go to Control Panel All Control Panel Items Programs and Features Expect having to reboot after un-installing programs. W7 is a bit too flakey to cope with that without rebooting, so save and close everything else, before uninstalling any program. By the way, was that a typo, or is that a new description of the makers of W7 ? Have FUN! DearWebby
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Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. *********************************** Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section" A: The Caesarean Section is the red light district in Rome.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Salt Pour Spout With Canning Jars When finished with an empty cardboard salt container, cut the whole round top piece off and measure to fit a canning jar ring. Trace and cut with the flat part with scissors to fit a pint canning jar. Fill the jar with sugar, then cut a second one from a second empty salt container for non-dairy coffee creamer. The pour spouts make for easy access to your sugar and creamer. *If desired, half pint jars can be used instead of pint jars. Source: my grandmother By Monica from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ No new tip today, so I'll add my contribution to this one. You can get "Sugar In The Raw" in a tubular salt container style cardboard dispenser, with a rotating top suitable for sprinkling, fast dispensing and refilling. When you turn it far enough, you can insert a finger size funnel and refill it easily from a bag. If you paint the cardboard with an acrylic or enamel paint or varnish, that makes it washable and it will last you a lifetime. I don't remember how much I paid for that sugar container twenty or so years ago, but I am sure it was a lot less than a glass and chrome sugar dispenser. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
I'm a counsellor who helps coordinate support groups for visually-impaired adults. Many participants have a condition known as macular degeneration, which makes it difficult for them to distinguish facial features. I had just been assigned to a new group and was introducing myself. Knowing that many in the group would not be able to see me well, I jokingly said, "For those of you who can't see me, I've been told that I look like a cross between Paul Newman and Robert Redford." Immediately, one woman called out, "We're not THAT blind!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Earl for this one: I had been teaching my seventh-graders about World War II, and a test question was, "What was the largest amphibious assault of all time?" Expecting to see "the D-Day invasion" as the answer, I found instead on one paper, "Moses and the plague of frogs."

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Windows 7 - Hotmail clash 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, July 23

I sure was shocked and saddened to read about the events
in Oslo. Let's hope there won't be any copy-cat incidents!

I was not impressed when some of the media immediately started
pointing fingers at Gadafi, just because Norway enthusiastically
tests their F-16s, whenever somebody reports a short runt
with cool shades, driving a Jeep and accompanied by two tall 
women. Gadafi got blamed for Lockerbie, and punished as if
he had been involved, and is not likely to get involved with
anything like that, especially since Norway has announced
last week, that they expect to run out of bombs by August 1.
Actually, Gadafi condemned the attack

When blond, blue-eyed Norwegian farmer Anders Behring Breivik
was arrested, the media ignored their finger pointing and 
instread reported the arrested terrorist's social media status. 

Apparently he studied at the Oslo Commerce School, and is 
described as considering himself a Christian, conservative, 
nationalist and a one-time Freemason.
His social-media accounts identify him as an admirer of 
Winston Churchill as well as social liberal philosopher John 
Stuart Mill, whom he quoted on his Twitter account before 
the incident.

His profile definitely did not raise any alarms, and made him
look like an ordinary, average Norwegian.

DearWebby


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Why can't life's problems hit us when we're seventeen and know everything? --- A.C. Jolly
Charlott stormed into the eye surgeon's office and went up to the desk. "Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday, and left me theirs, " she complained. The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. "I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing," he said. "Why do you think it was taken here?" "After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly." "I think," explained the surgeon gently, "that means your cataract operation was a success."
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

Annie has been sending resumes to just about any company in the area, whether they were looking for people or not. She went the e-mail route for awhile. Sending electronic cover letters and attaching her resume to each one. But after three months the poor girl was dismayed and confused that she had not received even ONE request for an interview. She finally broke down and called one of the prospective employers she'd sent a resume to. He explained the problem. "Annie, the problem was that your resume wasn't attached as indicated. I do want to thank you, though, for the great lasagna recipe." ----------------------- That's actually a failry old joke. However, sending resumes as an attachment is a dumb move. It's too risky to open an attachment, especially if it is a WORD doc and may be full of macros. That goes straight into the trash, unread, right from MailWasher. Depending on my mood, I might even bounce it back at the sender. The only resumes I look at are those that come in a very short email with a brief summary and a link to a detailed resume on a web page. While there is a dire shortage of people to work on construction or in the trades, there is a huge surplus of people who want to work on the web. If you don't make it easy to get hired, you won't be hired.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Alexandria Marie Penatzer, 18, Levi Wells, 18 and two other crooks in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina Man Beaten With Bible During South Carolina Motel Room Assault During a motel room beating administered by three attackers, a South Carolina man was struck in the head by a Bible and told by one of his assailants that he needed to read the Good Book. The bizarre incident Sunday resulted in the arrest of the trio as well as the 19-year-old victim’s "girlfriend", who had traveled with the victim to the Myrtle Beach motel, where the couple “had sex a few times.” For some reason, after the victim fell asleep, Alexandria Marie Penatzer, 18, allegedly allowed three men into the room, where they beat and robbed the victim. According to a Myrtle Beach Police Department report, one of the attackers, Levi Wells, hit the victim on the head with a thrown Bible “and told him that he needed to read it.” The 18-year-old Wells and two other men were charged with burglary, armed robbery, and kidnapping. Penatzer was charged with assault and battery, and acting as an accessory both before and after the commission of a felony. The incident at the Myrtle Beach Holiday South Motel does not appear to be an isolated incident, according to recent reviews on Trip Advisor.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Penny Re: Windows 7 - Hotmail clash Hello,Webby, I have a computer problem and I am hoping you can help me! You seem to be able to help everyone who writes you! My problem deals with getting this message: "default mail client is not properly installed." This stops me from sending answers to people! I have a relatively new computer and never got this message on my old computer. What must I do to correct this problem? I have no idea and I am not a whiz at computers! Do you have any idea what this is about and what must I do to correct it? Thanks for any help, I love your newsletter! Penny Dear Penny That sounds like a clash between Windows 7 and Hotmail. You will have to contact Microsoft about that. Windows 7 has problems recognizing a lot of popular email programs, even their own Hotmail. However, even though it whines and snivels, if you don't use Windows Live mail, the other email programs still work. It is quite safe to ignore the thilly sniveling. Have FUN! DearWebby
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After living in the remote wilderness of Texas all his life, Sam decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not knowing what it was, he remarked, "How 'bout that! Here's a picture of my daddy." He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered that Betty-Sue, his wife, didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it. Betty-Sue began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after Sam left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, Betty-Sue fumed, "So that's the ugly hussy he's runnin' around with! Just wait till he gets back from the fields!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Salt Pour Spout With Canning Jars When finished with an empty cardboard salt container, cut the whole round top piece off and measure to fit a canning jar ring. Trace and cut with the flat part with scissors to fit a pint canning jar. Fill the jar with sugar, then cut a second one from a second empty salt container for non-dairy coffee creamer. The pour spouts make for easy access to your sugar and creamer. *If desired, half pint jars can be used instead of pint jars. Source: my grandmother By Monica from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Today I overheard a young woman who was talking with an older woman, apparently her mother. "I haven't slept in three days," she complained. "The baby is teething and he's up all night crying." "Why don't you just wet a finger with some brandy or a sweet liqeur and rub it on his gums. That will numb them up and put him right to sleep." answered mom. "I can't give the baby alcohol! Lord knows what that will do to him." "Well, it never hurt you any." The look on her face was priceless.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
It took many hours, but they removed ALL of Tammy Faye Baker's make up,... and do you know what they found? Jimmy Hoffa!

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Registry Booster 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, July 22
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Thank you, Richard!

Some asked me how Microsoft got away with paying just 7% tax.
Easy, by running most of their business trhough off-shore
tax havens like Puerto Rico, Singapore, Ireland, etc.

In addition to that, Windows 7 sales turned out to be as dismal 
as Vista, or worse. Actually, most of those "sales" are not
really honest sales to end users. Most of the time computer
manufacturers just have some sweet deal with Microsoft and
the end user only gets a non-transferable usage license tied
to a specific computer. Unlike previous versions, where 
you could for example buy XP and put it onto whatever machine
you wanted to, with Windows 7 you just paid for the limited
rights to use it on a specific machine, that you bought from 
DELL or Acer or HP.

In their advetising, though, Microsoft counts it as a sale.

In spite of all those tricky manipulations, most of Microsoft's
income this quarter came from Xbox and office software.
Will they learn and start to listen what people want?

No, of course not. Don't be silly!

They are frantically working on Windows 8 and they expect 
you to get ready to switch to tablet PCs next year. They say
change is good for you. 

Personally, I am glad that XP still works fine on large 
monitors, and I am in absolutely no hurry to change to small
tablets.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. --- Socratex The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other. --- Will Rogers
The End Of The World When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it? USA Today: WE'RE DEAD The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS National Enquirer: SHEEP MISSING ALL OVER WORLD Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE Sports Illustrated: GAME OVER Wired: THE LAST NEW THING Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR Readers Digest: BYE Discover Magazine: HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS? TV Guide: DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR! Lady's Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS. BY JUDGEMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET! America Online: SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 100 YEARS Inc. magazine: TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE Microsoft's Web Site: IF YOU DIDN'T EXPERIENCE THE RAPTURE, DOWNLOAD SOFTWARE PATCH RAPT777.EXE. IBM: ARMAGEDDON TOLERANT SOFTWARE NOW AVAILABLE! The New York Times: Proof that Bush policies caused global warming Boston Globe: STRONG N.E. WINDS PREDICTED Cuba Libre: AMERICA BLOWS UP WORLD Arizona Republic: Temperatures expected to hit 1016 F today.
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

Q: How many believable, competent, "just-right-for-the-job" governor candidates does it take to change a light bulb? A: It's going to be a dark for a while, isn't it?
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Carl Thomas, 63, Oklahoma City Wrong way to date OKLAHOMA CITY -- Oklahoma City police said a woman fought off a home intruder with a box fan and the intruder left behind a crucial piece of evidence -- his wallet. Police said a mother was asleep in her room early Tuesday morning along with her six children when she woke up to 63-year-old Carl Thomas climbing in the window above her bed. The homeowner told police she saw two arms reaching into her room and that's when she grabbed the fan next to her bed and hit Thomas in the back. When Oklahoma City Police arrived they found the intruder's clothing scattered on the ground next to the window where the break-in occurred. Police found a leather wallet inside the pocket of the shorts, and inside they found a man's identification card. While police were still investigating, they overheard the neighbor's dog barking and, with their flashlight, caught a glimpse of Thomas in white boxers and socks trying to jump a fence in the 400 block of NW 79th Street. Although Thomas tried to run, K-9 officer's tracked him down, according to the police report. Police said Thomas was bitten by the K-9 in the process and transported to the Hospital. The victim was able to identify him as the man who she had seen in her window. The woman told police Thomas had made several attempts to date her, but she refused each time. Thomas was booked into Jail and now faces burglary charges.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Linda Re: Registry Booster Dear Webby HELP this is the best part of your letter. I love it.and of course I have a problem, I hope you can help me. Somehow I have acquired a malware (uniblue registry booster)that my virus proctor missed. every time I open my computer it shows up on my desktop and I can not get rid of it.what can I do without calling a tech person who charge you to help. I'm on disability and a fixed income so it's hard to come up with extra money. there not cheap either. thank you for any help you can give me. Linda Dear Linda UniBlue Registry Booster is not malware, not at all! It is a tool, that cleans up your Registry, and that you or somebody in your family paid good money for. It is not a free tool. I would not advise to un-install it, even though that would be easy enough to do. Just keep in mind, that it performs a very valuable task, and let it do it's job. The new version of Registry Booster lets you specify, when it should do it's job, so that it does not interfere when you start up and are impatient to get to your email. In the meantime, just relax and let it clean up the mess Windows or users have made in the Registry. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man entered a barbershop and said: "I am tired of looking like everyone else! I want a change! Part my hair from ear to ear!" "Are you sure?" "Yes! said the man. The barber did as he was told, and a satisfied customer left the shop. Three hours passed and the man reentered the shop. "Put it back the way it was," he said. "What's the matter?" said the barber. "Are you tired of being a nonconformist already?" "No," he replied, "I'm tired of people whispering to my nose!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Banana Peels And Tea Bags for Roses Give your rose bushes your used tea bags and banana peels. They will love you for it. Also hydrangeas will love the water from when you boil potatoes. You can also use the potato peels at the bottom of your plants. By tennis4two from Madison, IN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
There are more important things in life than money - but they won't go out with you if you're broke.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?" "You will never get through basic training," scoffed another. The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just staring at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, "Do you really plan to make your own bed, EVERY morning?"

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Restore the "Show Desktop" icon 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, July 21

Remember 8 years ago, when the Hanoi Janes did everything 
they could to mess things up for the troops, just to put 
pressure on Bush? They even tried to divide and defeat the
"Wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!" effort,
by telling the sheeple to wear Democrat Blue on Fridays.

Looks like they are trying that again and forwarding the same
old emails all over. 
The answer is still the same: NO

As long as the poppies in Flanders' Fields are red,
it will be a spot of RED we use to show our support and 
respect for the troops, worldwide, no matter which government 
sent them in harm's way. A spot of red on Friday shows respect 
and support for all troops, fallen and surviving.

You can ask most vets, anywhere in the world, 
for a RED poppy or a bit of red for Friday.



If you need something blue, the Hanoi Jane Urinal Screens
are still qute popular.


Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Just think, if there was no such thing as marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no fault at all! --- Socratex A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. --- Socratex
Thanks to Rosa for this one: When my husband and I showed up at a very popular restaurant,it was crowded. I went up to the hostess and asked, "Will it be long?" The hostess, ignoring me, kept writing in her book. I asked again, "How much of a wait?" The woman looked up and said, "About ten minutes." A short time later, we heard an announcement over the loud- speaker: "Willette B. Long, your table is ready."
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

Thanks to Deana for this one: When I went with my stepdaughter to visit a prestigious university, our student guide pointed out the nationally ranked library and state-of-the-art science facilities. She told us that the professors were the best in the world, and she recommended my stepdaughter apply early to improve her chances for admission. "We get so many applicants," she boasted, "because of the stature of the school." After the tour I asked our guide, "So, why did you choose this school?" "Oh," she replied matter-of-factly, "my boyfriend used to go here, and now he works at the McDonalds across the street. I can get a free ride to this University, but wold have to take the bus to the one on the other side of town."
Thanks to Larry for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ryan Letchford, 21, and Jeffrey Olsen, 22, Two drunks locked themselves inside police van RADNOR, Pa. (UPI) -- Police in Pennsylvania said they arrested two men who broke into a police van to take gag pictures and accidentally locked themselves inside the vehicle. Radnor police said Marlton, N.J., residents Ryan Letchford, 21, and Jeffrey Olsen, 22, left a party early Saturday and entered Constable Mike Connor's van, which had been in the parking lot of the condominium where the party was located, the Philadelphia Daily News reported Monday. Investigators said Letchford and Olsen, who are believed to have entered the van to take gag pictures of themselves being arrested, got locked in. Police said a friend found them in the van after they failed to return to the party and called 911 because he was unable to free them. Police contacted Connor, who said he must have left a door unlocked because there was no sign of forced entry. "I came down and unlocked the doors, and 'Dumb and Dumber' pranced out of the van," Connor said. "They looked a little embarrassed." Connor said the men had been smoking cigarettes and spitting while inside the vehicle. Cigarette butts and "a large amount of saliva" were in the van, police said. Letchford and Olsen were arrested and charged with attempted theft of a motor vehicle, public drunkenness and criminal mischief.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Laura Re: Restore the "Show Desktop" icon Dear Webby My mom had some misadventure with her computer and lost a bunch of stuff and files. Most of them she has since restored, although many files were not recovered (no backup!). Somehow she had also deleted her quick launch bar. I restored that the other day, but the button for "Show Desktop" is not there. How do I get that back for her? She has Windows 7. Thanks, Laura Dear Laura The easiest way to show the desktop is to hit the Windows key and D The alternative is a very cumbersome rigamarole that you can find if you click on the desktop, hit F1 and search for "How to Re-create the Show Desktop Icon on Quick Launch Toolbar" Much easier to just take a fine line indelible felt pen and write + D onto the Windows key to remind her how to show the desktop. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Wayne, a friend of mine, owns an auto-repair business. One day a woman called to inquire when he could work on her car. "I'm not busy now," he replied. "bring it right in." A short time later, the woman pulled into the service bay, stopping her small car perfectly over the wide, deep grease pit. "Wow!" Remarked Wayne. "That's great driving. Your wheels only have a couple of inches to spare on each side of the pit." She looked blankly at him and asked, "What pit?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Straws for Flower Arrangements Short-stemmed flowers or curvy stems are hard to put in a floral arrangement. What I do is cut the stem under cold water and at an angle with sharp scissors. Next, put the stem into a plastic drinking straw and put into your own custom arrangement. VOILA! I save straws. Silly, I know, but I use the skinny ones for thin stemmed flowers and the thicker straws for fatter stemmed flowers and it works. By rythumrat from St. Louis, MO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The hostess (with a daughter of marriageable age) sent out an invitation to an officer (who was supposed to be the prospective suitor of her daughter's hand). "Mr. and Mrs. Dabney request the pleasure of Captain Black's company at dinner on the 26th of July." She was somewhat dismayed to receive this enthusiastic reply: "With the exception of four men on leave, and two sick, Captain Black's company accept with much pleasure your invitation to dinner on the 26th of July. There are 64 of us, that will show up. "
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: "If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down. We need a fancy $10 name."

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Help! 

My clothes are too tight!

There are two possible explanations:

Number 1: I'm eating too much.

Number 2: Beings from the planet Zartron are shooting me with rays that shrink fabrics.

The right explanation will be decided by a vote.




Polling Closed

The answer is in:

Number 2 by a landslide!






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ZZZZZT! 

Ramona said, "My, but you look different today,"
to Marianne, a coworker at the hospital.
"Your hair is extra curly, and you have this wide-eyed look.
What did you use - special curlers and some dramatic eye makeup?"

"No," replied Marianne.
"My vibrator shorted out this morning."




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Skype File transfer destination 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, July 20

What is the best email address?
Obviously, the best would be boss@.com,
and nobody, except you, deciding what gets censored or trashed.

The opposite of that, the absolute worst addresses, would 
be a yahoo or juno.com or carter.net or hotmail.com address, 
with everybody else deciding, what the sheep should be allowed
to see, and what should be dumped, before they see it.

Naturally, boss@.com is not totally free. It costs 
you only about 1/10th of what a custom license plate costs, but 
that is not free. In addition to that, some smartie might have
registered .com already, and you are as out of luck
as Nissan Motors is. A computer store in NorthCarolina registered 
Nissan.com long before Datsun changed to Nissan. With domain
names it is strictly first come, first serve, and keep.

That is no reason to despair. I can usually find a suitable, 
often even better name.

The free alternative is Gmail. Gmail has no customer service.
Forget about asking for help. You have to read the instructions
yourself or ask somebody, who has read them. Since Gmail
works very well, very reliable, and very predictable, that is
not really a problem.

A major PLUS point of Gmail is that you can easily make 
filters, that will keep mail safely out of the spam folder, no
matter what is discussed in that email.

If you are a victim of Yahoo, Juno, Carter or Hotmail, I would
recommend that you get a Gmail address as soon as possible.

With Gmail user names it's the same story as with domain 
names. If somebody else  was faster than you and grabbed 
 already, you'll have to think of something else.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"My vision is to make the most diverse state on earth, and we have people from every planet on the earth in this state." --- G. Davis, Governor of Mexifornia Walking isn't a lost art: one must, by some means, get to the garage. --- Evan Esar If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music. --- Marcus Bridgstocke
I know these numbers are way out of date, and hopefuly one of you can update them for me. In the meantime, this classic is still funny: WHY I AM SO TIRED I'm tired. For a couple of years I've been blaming it on my iron-poor blood, lack of vitamins and dieting, and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out the real reason I'm tired is because I'm overworked. The population of the USA is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government. This leaves 19 million to do the work. Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work. Take from that total the 14,800,000 people who work for state and city governments and that leaves 200,000 to do the work. There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work. Now, there are 11,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And you're sitting there reading jokes!
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry, we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry...we still have one engine left." Nancy turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here forever!!"
Thanks to Sue for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Barn Swallows
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brandon Jelks. 20, in Indianapolis, Indiana Perv at Walmart n Indiana man was arrested yesterday after he was caught masturbating in a stall inside the women’s room of a Walmart in Indianapolis. The suspect, Brandon Jelks, was first spotted by female shoppers who heard moans “and sounds of someone” masturbating emanating from the stall. One witness went into the adjoining stall to look under the divider, and reported seeing “a pair of blue patterned boxers around the ankles of what appeared to be a man’s shoes." An off-duty cop working security at the store was then summoned. When the cop confronted a startled Jelks, 20, as he exited the stall (“with his pants unzipped”), he claimed to have accidentally gone into the wrong bathroom. Jelks was handcuffed and brought to the loss prevention office where a search turned up two boxes of condoms that had been shoplifted from the store, according to an Indianapolis Police Department report. Jelks explained that he had used two of the condoms while pleasuring himself in the women’s bathroom. While being detained, he also reportedly told a Walmart official that he “had a sex problem” and went into the bathroom “to look at the women” while masturbating. While he was doing this, Jelks noted, he was looking at pornography on his cell phone. The multitasking pervert--who explained that he “needed” to spy on the bathroom occupants to “arouse” himself--was charged with i ndecent exposure and criminal trespass. Jelks was booked into the Marion County jail, where he remains in custody.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Allison Re: File transfer destination in Skype Dear Webby Did you know that on the forums at Skype nobody knew how to change the font size? I have been searching for an answer to that for quite some time, but all those snooty advisors don't seem to have a clue. I should have asked you right away. At one time I was able to set the file transfer destination and I set it to my remote USB drive. That has worked ine for many years, but now I want to set it to my second USB drive, but can't find that option. Is that gone, or did they just klutz it so deep down into some sub menu, that one needs a map and a GPS to find it? Allison Dear Allison That option is still there, but somebody does not like users, and hid it 15 levels down in the menu dungeon. There are actually two ways to get to it: ALT T, O then hit the DOWN Arrow 14 times while ignoring the mess you see on the way, and you will have that option on the bottom. The other way is with the mouse: Tools Options Advanced IM & SMS IM Settings Save Files To Change Folder Have FUN! DearWebby
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The Accident Report Here follows a tale of an accident report form filed by a bricklayer: "I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident. You ask for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I was working alone on the roof of a six-story building. When I completed my work I found I had some bricks left over which later were found to weigh 240lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 240lbs of bricks. You will note on the accident reporting form that my weight is 135lbs.

Needless to say i proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor I met the barrel which was proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions, and the broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep in to the pulley. Fortunately I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly on to the rope. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel . Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50lbs. I refer you again to my weight. I began a rapid descent. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when i fell onto the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay in pain on the pile of bricks I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope, and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its rapid descent back down towards me."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Straws for Flower Arrangements Short-stemmed flowers or curvy stems are hard to put in a floral arrangement. What I do is cut the stem under cold water and at an angle with sharp scissors. Next, put the stem into a plastic drinking straw and put into your own custom arrangement. VOILA! I save straws. Silly, I know, but I use the skinny ones for thin stemmed flowers and the thicker straws for fatter stemmed flowers and it works. By rythumrat from St. Louis, MO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
In a recent survey, 60 percent of respondents said the cities where they live are noisier now than they were five years ago. The other 40 percent didn't hear the question.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
THE SECRETS OF WOMENS LANGUAGE Keywords and their meanings. 1. FINE This is the word a woman uses at the end of any argument that she feels she is right about but needs to shut you up for now. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments. 2. FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football/hockey or whatever game is going to last before you take out the trash, so she feels that it's an even trade. 3. NOTHING This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards, prior to setting you on fire. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine". 4. GO AHEAD (with Raised Eyebrows) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and eventually cause an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine". 5. GO AHEAD (without raised eyebrows) This means "I give up. Do what you want because I don't care." You will, however, get a Raised Eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing", and a "Five Minute" argument ending with "Fine". 6. LOUD SIGH Not actually a word of course, but often a verbal cue misunderstood by men. The "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you're an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing there having a "Five Minute" argument with you over "Nothing". 7. SOFT SIGH One of the few sounds that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is not to move or breathe. Just stay clear.

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Another Use For Duct Tape 


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How to change font and size in Skype? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, July 19

Thanks Richard!
Thanks Millie!
I sure do appreciate your donations!

Lately there has been a lot of complaining about Skype. 
The rash of forced updates since mycrsoft bought it for an
estimated 32 years worth of income from it, just to keep it
out of the hands of Cisco and Google, did not impress 
anybody. It worked, so why mess with it, especially when the
messing does not produce any visible improvement?

Skype IS handy, and it already does about 80% of what 
PowWow used to do 15 years ago on 486 machines with 
20 MB of RAM, but like most people, I wish they stopped
the updates without noticable changes or explanation, and
left it alone until they figured out how to run it on as little
memory or processing power as Google Chat.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you. --- Rita Mae Brown Fallacies do not cease to be fallacies because they become fashions. --- G. K. Chesterton If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done. --- Peter Ustinov
A famed explorer was invited to Dartmouth to tell of his adventures in the African jungle. "Can you imagine," he demanded, "people so primitive that they love to eat the embryo of certain birds, and slices from the belly of certain animals? And grind up grass seed, make it into a paste, burn it over a fire, then smear it with a greasy mess they extract from the mammary fluid of certain other animals?" When the students looked startled by such barbarism, the explorer added softly, "What I've been describing, of course, is a breakfast of bacon and eggs and buttered toast."
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

This is a story about four people named: Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it! It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done!
BAR CODE- The fightin' rules down at the local tavern. CACHE- What you need when you run out of food stamps. CHIPS- Pasture muffins you try NOT to step in. DISKETTE- Female disco dancer. HACKER- Uncle LeRoy after 32 years of smokin'. HARDCOPY- Picture looked at when pickin' out a tattoo. INTERNET- Where cafeteria workers put their hair. KEYBOARD- Where you hang the keys to the John Deere. MEGAHERTZ- How your head feels after too many beers. MODEM- What you did when the weeds got too tall. NETWORK- Scoopin' up a big fish before it breaks the line. ONLINE- Where to stay when takin' a sobriety test. ROM- Where the Pope lives. SERIAL PORT- A red wine you drink for breakfast. SUPERCONDUCTOR- AmTrak's employee of the year. VIRUS - what gives you the sniffles ANTI-VIRUS PROGRAM - a jug of moonshine every day
Click through the picture to the large version. Alsace
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Yukari Mihamae, 61, from Longmont, Colorado Woman Groped TSA Agent's Breast PHOENIX - We hear a lot of complaints about security screeners groping airline passengers. But now, a Colorado woman is accused of putting her hands on a TSA agent at Sky Harbor International Airport in Phoenix. Court records show 61-year-old Yukari Mihamae grabbed the left breast of the female agent Thursday at the Terminal 4 checkpoint. Police say she squeezed and twisted the agent's breast with both hands. Officers say Mihamae admitted to the crime. There's no word why she touched the agent. Mihamae now faces a felony count of sexual abuse. She was released from jail on Friday morning. According to court records, she lives in Longmont, Colorado and is self-employed.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dianne Re: Change font and size in Skype Dear Webby How do you change the font and size in Skype? Since Microslop bought it and forced a bunch of unwanted updates, the fonts have shrunk and can't be fixed. Considering that it is just a re-warmed partial copy of PowWow, that we used in the early and mid 90's, that is kinda pathetic. Hopefully you can figger it out! Thanks Dianne Dear Dianne I agree, PowWow was great, and was way more advanced 15 years ago than Skype is now. It is too bad that, when ICQ came out of Israel with far superior marketing, PowWow lost out. By the way, ICQ was bought by AOL in the late 90's and sold to the Russian Mail.RU group last April. But I digress. You can NOT change font colors and backgrounds in Skype like you did with PowWow, no matter what you do. Forget high energy or easy reading color combos. Forget romantic color combos too! The Skype software was written by three guys in Estonia. Apparently they don't do that sorta thing in Estonia. However, you CAN change the font face and font size, if you follow this rignarole: Tools Options IM & Sms IM Appearance Change font Have FUN! DearWebby
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Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground." After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!" "Yeah," the other added, "but we're getting farther and farther away from the truck."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Spray Inside of Tin Foil When Baking Before you cover your baking items with foil, spray the side of the foil that touches the food with non-stick cooking spray. No more sticking to the foil and no more ruining your pretty dish. By cschatz from Springville, AL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Did you ever look at the price of that cooking spray, and figure out how much you pay per gram or ounce? Totally ridiculous! I use an ancient spray bottle, I think it originally was an Amway mix and spray bottle in the 80's, and put regular olive oil into it. As long as it is kept reasonably warm on a top shelf, that old sprayer produces a nice and even mist, that works just as well as any of that expensive non-stick spray. Whenever an oil bottle is almost empty, I dump it into my sprayer. Just experiment with cleaned out pistol-grip sprayers, until you find a keeper, that does well with oil, and label or paint it, so that nobody uses it for cleaning purposes. Olive oil makes vinyl floors awfully slippery! Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Gale for this one: During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to the lab to have blood drawn. The technician there was friendly and mentioned that his mood improved every day because he was due to leave the service in two months. As he applied the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that taking the blood wouldn't hurt much. Then, noticing my Air Force T-shirt he asked me what my husband did. When I replied that he was a recruiter, the technician smiled slyly and said, "This might hurt a little more than I thought."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. That night, Tom slept well and in fact beat, the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's fine" said the boss, "But where were you Friday and Monday?"

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