Not getting subscriptions on Yahoo 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, April 9

Five Million Dollars to send Obama's 13 year old daughter 
and 25 Secret Service bodyguards for a brief spring break 
trip to Oaxaca. Mexico, with two jets of course, since 
Muslims are not supposed to fly on the same jet as their dogs, 
I don't know if she has a real dog, or that the Obamas just 
considers the Secret Service bodyguards and bullet shields 
as dogs. 

It's just taxpayer's money, and lots more where that came 
from.

When I still went on spring break in college and university,
I used to go up into the mountains with (fake) seal skins
strapped onto the skis. With those you can climb any mountain,
that has snow on it. We usually overnighted in Alpine Club 
lodges for next to nothing, sometimes in small tents, and
sometimes in snow caves. 

We were just a small group, though, and considered totally
nuts by the rest, who stayed home and watched TV. But I
always suspected, that they were a bit envious.

Today in 
1241 Battle of Liegnitz - Mongol armies defeat Poles & Germans 
1388 Battle of Näfels; Glarius: Swiss defeat Habsburg (Austrian) army 
1682 Robert La Salle claims lower Mississippi (Louisiana) for France 
1829 Danzig (Gdansk) dike break flood kills 1,200
1864 Battle of Pleasant Hill LA, 2870 casualities 
1912 Titanic leaves Queenstown Ireland for New York 
1914 Tampico incident - US ship crew arrested in Mexico
1917 Vimy Ridge France stormed by Canadian troops 
1945 Battleship Admiral Scheer sinks British aircraft carrier 
1957 Suez Canal cleared for all shipping 
1960 South African premier Verwoerd wounded in battle
1965 India & Pakistan engage in border fight 
1967 1st Boeing 737 rolls out. They STILL make those!
1969 1st flight of Concorde 002
1972 USSR & Iraq sign friendship treaty
1973 Netherlands recognizes North Vietnam
1981 US sub George Washington rams Japanese freighter Nisso Maru 
1991 Release of Microsoft MS-DOS 5.0, by many considered to be the last stable OS.
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown up, a credit card does it." --- Sam Ewing "Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kind of like being the guy on a date." --- Caroline Rhea
One night father was helping with the homework. Father asked "What is the Gross National Product?" pondered for a minute and replied, "Spinach?"
The E-cookbooks Library Discover The All New E-cook books Library! Over 100 Full Length Cookbooks All In PDF Format. Read them on your computer or print them out. Fantastic deal works out to under 18 cents per book! Limited time deal. Get the 100 book Library now!

My wife has not spoken to me in three days. I think it has something to do with what happened on Sunday night when she thought she heard a noise downstairs. She nudged me and whispered, "Wake up, wake up!" "What's the matter?" I asked. "There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they're eating the broccoli casserole I made tonight." "That'll teach them!" I replied.
Thanks to Dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Easter 2012, April 8 Fresh snow outside. The big one in the center is a Echinocereus Matudae.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Joseph Faulk, 27 Drunk street sweeper hits cop car ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. -- A state street sweeper cleaning up after a crash was allegedly involved in his own crash with a Bernalillo County deputy's patrol car. It happened on Interstate 40 last Friday when 59-year-old Herbert Morgan was called out to clean up a scene. A police report says that after hitting the deputy's patrol car, the deputy asked Morgan to step out of the sweeper and noticed Morgan stumbling and having difficulty walking. The complaint says Morgan was also slurring his words. According to the complaint, Morgan agreed to submit to field sobriety tests, which he failed. The Albuquerque Journal reports a breath test later measured Morgan's blood-alcohol concentration at or above 0.16 percent, which is twice the state's presumed level of intoxication. Morgan was arrested on suspicion of aggravated DWI. Morgan had THREE prior DUI arrests.
Tech Support Pits: From: Louise Re: Problem getting subscriptions at Yahoo I am not getting humor letter at all. louise........@yahoo,com Dear Louise That is normal with your type of Yahoo address. Once your subscription has entered the Yahoo server, there is nothing more that I can do about it. Most yahoos only get about 1/3 of their subscriptions. Until you get a respectable address, you can browse to http://webby.com/humor and see what Yahoo stole from you. I sent you an invitation to Gmail. They are 100% reliable, especially if you make a filter. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
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A delightful classic, that keeps coming back: A well-to-do young man met a beautiful young woman at an exclusive party and was immediately smitten with her. He took her on the town and eventually to his apartment where he discovered she was not only a beautiful woman, but also well-groomed, cultured and very intelligent. Hoping to impress her, he offered her a glass of wine and asked whether she preferred Port or Sherry. "Oh, Sherry," she said, "by all means. To me, it's the nectar of the Gods. Just looking at it in a crystal-clear decanter fills me with a glorious sense of anticipation. When that gorgeous liquid is poured into my glass, I inhale the enchanting aroma and I'm lifted on the wings of ecstasy. It seems as though I'm about to drink a magic potion... "On the other hand, Port just makes me fart."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organizing Business Cards I like taking calling cards, especially from stores like beauty salons, doctors office, even restaurants. I did not know where to store them. I bought a wallet size photo album from a dollar store ($1) and started putting all the cards I have taken in there. At the back of the calling cards, I note down comments like the hours and days for my favorite hairstylist or for restaurants favorite menus and what not to order (good for take outs). By Rosario from FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Anni noticed something funny about Dawn's ear and she said, "Dawn, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Dawn answered, "I have? A suppository?" She pulled it out & stared at it. Then she said, "Anni, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Alice for this: Looking in the mall for a cotton nightgown, I tried my luck in a store known for its hot lingerie. To my delight, however, I found just what I was looking for. Waiting in the line to pay, I noticed a young woman behind me holding the same nightgown. This confirmed what I suspected all along: despite being over 50, I still have a very "with it" attitude. "I see we have the same taste," I said proudly to the 20 something behind me. "Yes," she replied. "I'm getting this for my grandmother."
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The "Experts" Are Always Right--Right? 

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year."
The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957

"But what is it good for?"
Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.

"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
Bill Gates, 1981

This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication.
The device is inherently of no value to us,"
Western Union internal memo, 1876.

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"
David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.

"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible,"
A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)

"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper,"
Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind."

"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make,"
Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out,"
Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible,"
Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.

"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this,"
Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads.

"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil?
You're crazy,"
Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.

"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau."
Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University , 1929.

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value,"
Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre , France .

"Everything that can be invented has been invented,"
Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, US Office of Patents, 1899.

"The super computer is technologically impossible. It would take all of the water that flows over Niagara Falls to cool the heat generated by the number of vacuum tubes required."
Professor of Electrical Engineering, New York University

"I don't know what use any one could find for a machine that would make copies of documents. It certainly couldn't be a feasible business by itself."
the head of IBM, refusing to back the idea, forcing the inventor to found Xerox.

"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction."
Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse , 1872

And last but not least...

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977





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Worship 


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How to restore the Recycle Bin icon on Windows 7 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, April 8
Happy Easter,  !


Click through for the large version.

Remember what Easter is all about?

Today in 
0563 -BC- Gautama Buddha was born
1759 British troops chase French out of Masulipatam India
1766 1st fire escape patented, wicker basket on a pulley & chain 
1783 Catharina II of Russia annexes the Krim
1802 French Protestant church becomes state-supported & -controlled 
1879 Milk is sold in glass bottles for 1st time 
1940 Germany battle cruiser sinks British aircraft carrier Glorious
1945 Nazi occupiers in Holland executed
1947 Largest recorded number of sunspots (7,000) observed 
1961 British liner "Dara" explodes in Persian Gulf, kills 236
1969 1st Baseball game in Canada - Montréal Expos beats New York Mets 10-9
1994 Smoking banned in Pentagon & all US military bases 
2012  smiled

Woke up to 15 cm (six inches) of snow. It melted off the 
roads fairly fast and by evening most roads were mostly dry.
On the lawns the snow disappeared from the sunny spots
and stayed in the shade. 

Next week we are supposed to get our first rain! 
That will turn the brown lawns green and trigger the flowers.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time. --- George Orwell "The poor man is not he who is without a cent, but he who is without a dream." --- Harry Kemp
Thanks to Robbie for this one: A few years ago the battery in my beat up Volkswagen Beetle had died because I'd left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work, so I ran into the house to get my girlfriend to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to start our second car, a big old monster sized gas guzzler. I told her we're going to use the big car to push the bug fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission (a rare one, indeed), it needed to be pushed at least 40 miles per hour for it to start. She got in the car and drove off. Drove off? What the hell was she doing? I was waiting in the bug, getting impatient. After a minute I looked in the rear view mirror. She was coming at me at about 40 - 50 miles per hour. I suddenly realized I should have been a little bit clearer with my instructions.
The E-cookbooks Library Discover The All New E-cook books Library! Over 100 Full Length Cookbooks All In PDF Format. Read them on your computer or print them out. Fantastic deal works out to under 18 cents per book! Limited time deal. Get the 100 book Library now!

San Francisco has become the first US city to pay for civil employees' sex change operations. The rest rooms at San Francisco's City Hall are now labeled "Men," "Women," and "Pending."
Thanks to Dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Easter 2012 The crimson colored one on the right is the original Easter Cactus, fthe fire red one on the left is a modern hybrid.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Joseph Faulk, 27 Robber left phone with his photo CHARLOTTE, N.C. -- Charlotte-Mecklenburg police say an accused armed robber left his cell phone at the crime scene, complete with a digital photo of himself posing with the same handgun he used to threaten his victims. The Charlotte Observer reports that 27-year-old Joseph Faulk of Brooklyn, N.Y., was arrested Wednesday after officers searched a car in which he was a passenger. They found a pistol and a red bandanna stuffed in the waistband of Faulk's pants. The day before, a man armed with a handgun and wearing a red bandana robbed three men in apartment complexes on the city's east side. During the first robbery, police say Faulk dropped his phone. After his subsequent arrest for firearms possession by a felon, police linked Faulk to the robberies through the phone photo.
Tech Support Pits: From: Iris Re: How do I restore the Recycle Bin icon in W7 ? Dear Webby, My ex klutzed around on my computer, supposedly un-installing some of his programs, and since then the recycle bin icon is gone. While it's easy enough to delete stuff with the delete key, the odd time I need to restore a mistakenly deleted file. For that I need access to the recycle bin. Anybody around here whom I asked, said to just re-install Windows and that would fix it. Isn't there a better way ? Thanks Iris Dear Iris right-click on the desktop and select Personalize, then choose the link for “Change Desktop Icons” on the left-hand side. Now you can chose the icons you want back on the desktop by checking the box next to the name: After you hit APPLY, the recycle bin icon will be on the desktop somewhere, but not necessarily where you expect it. Just keep searching, it is somewhere, and you can drag it to where you prefer it to be. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
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A kleptomaniac woman had been caught shoplifting in a supermarket and had to appear in court, taking along her long-suffering husband for marital support. The prosecution proved that the theft had taken place so the judge told her that, considering her record, he was forced to impose a jail term. "This time you stole a can of tomatoes. Let us suppose that there were six tomatoes in the can. Do you agree?" The woman agreed. "Then I sentence you to six nights in jail." The husband jumped to his feet , addressing the judge, "Your honor, may I approach the bench?" "Well," said his honor, this is somewhat unusual but I will make an exception in this case. You may approach the bench." The husband wasted no time getting there and, leaning forward, he said in a low voice, "She also stole a can of peas, your honor."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Garden Organizer Bucket Idea Four gallon square buckets fit inside five gallon round buckets. By putting the square one inside the round one, you have a center place for your potting soil and small spaces for the gardening implements and garden stakes. I am enclosing a picture. The four gallon diameter is 9 15/16 inches and the diameter of the five gallon is 11 inches approximately. You may have to play around with the different sizes, but if you have two at home that you can try out, why not? This would also work with boots in the center and umbrellas around the edges, tall and short dried flowers, or anything you want to keep handy and don't want to dig around for. Hope this helps! By Poor But Proud from Sweet Home, OR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying: DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Joe's wife had a sex change. Now it's Wednesday's and Saturday's instead of Tuesday's and Friday's.
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How to set up a Windows 7 screensaver 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, April 7

Remember what Easter is all about?

Today in 
0451 Attila's Hun's plunder Metz 
1498 Crowd storms Savonarola's convent San Marco Florence Italy
1509 France declares war on Venice 
1652 Dutch establish settlement at Cape Town, South Africa 
1712 Slave revolt (New York NY) 
1798 Territory of Mississippi is organized 
1891 Nebraska introduces the 8 hour work day
1923 Workers Party of America (NYC) becomes communist party 
1926 Mussolini's Irish wife breaks his nose
1927 Using phone lines TV is sent from Washington DC to New York NY
1933 Prohibition ends
1933 Utah becomes 38th state to ratify 21st Amendment 
1939 Italy annexes Albania 
1945 US B-17's bombs range at Lüneburg 
1945 US planes intercept Japanese fleet heading for Okinawa on a suicide 
     mission; superbattleship Yamato & four destroyers are sunk 
1946 Part of East Prussia incorporated into Russian SFSR 
1953 1st west-to-east jet transatlantic nonstop flight 
1959 Oklahoma ends prohibition, after 51 years 
1966 US recovers lost H-bomb from Mediterranean floor (whoops!)
1967 Israeli/Syrian border fights 
1983 Oldest human skeleton, aged 80,000 years, discovered in Egypt 
1988 Russia announces it will withdraw its troops from Afghanistan, 
     kicked out by CIA trained, supplied and supported Taliban 
1994 Vatican acknowledges Holocaust
2012  smiled

It's snowing. We are going to have a white Easter. 
Bunnies are going to leave tracks in the snow!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"There's a statistical theory that if you gave a million monkeys typewriters and set them to work, they'd eventually come up with the complete works of Shakespeare. Thanks to the Internet, we now know this isn't true." --- Ian Hart Pick battles big enough to matter, yet small enough to win. --- Jonathan Kozol
My friend and I joined a weight-loss organization. At one meeting the instructor held up an apple and a candy bar. "What are the attributes of this apple," she asked, "and how do they relate to our diet?" "Low in calories" and "lots of fiber," were among the answers. She then detailed what was wrong with eating candy, and con- cluded, "Apples are not only more healthful but also less expensive. Do you know I paid fifty-five cents for this candy bar?" We stared as she held aloft the forbidden treat. From in back of the room a small voice spoke up. "I'll give you seventy-five cents for it."
The E-cookbooks Library Discover The All New E-cook books Library! Over 100 Full Length Cookbooks All In PDF Format. Read them on your computer or print them out. Fantastic deal works out to under 18 cents per book! Limited time deal. Get the 100 book Library now!

The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends. So she waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself. "Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school today because she is ill." Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling please?" "This is my mother."
Click through for the large version. Venice
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Dylan Edward Contreras, 19 Gives False Name To Idaho Police -- But Real One Was Tattooed On Forearm TWIN FALLS, Idaho -- A 19-year-old Idaho man with his last name tattooed on his forearm apparently tried to give police a fake name and was arrested. An officer says he told three men who were walking on the street with a dog to move to the sidewalk, and that one looked like he might run away, so he asked for identification. Contreras identified himself as Emiliano Velesco, and a police database search found no matches. The officer then had a dispatcher run a check with the birthday he was given and the last name tattooed on the forearm. Contreras had three warrants for failure to appear on charges including providing false information. DUH! And could not walk on the sidewalk when cops are out and about.
Tech Support Pits: From: Len Re: Screensaver Dear Webby, I need a decent screensaver for W7 What have you got? Len Dear Len Go to the Control Panel In the search box, type screen saver, and then click Change screen saver. You can select one of the built in ones, or select Photos If you select "Photos", put your collection of pictures of Safety posters, or something similar, into a new folder. Then click on Settings, there in that Screensaver setup, and browse to that new folder with all the juicy Safety posters. Hit Save, set the wait time, and hit OK. It's not as easy as in Windows 95 - XP, but it's not too difficult to accomplish. If you put a checkmark into "On resume, show login screen", then you have to use your password to log on again. Only do that, if you don't want anybody to snoop, while you are getting coffee. By the way, the reason I mentioned safety posters is because the screensaver will be active, when you are not there. Showing pictures of your last fifty girlfriends and 700 concubines might not be a good idea. If you want to review those for inclusion in your autobiography, use a regular slide show or picture browser. You can,of course, change the folder, that is used for the screen saver from WORK to HOME, and have different themes or categories of pictures in those folders. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
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Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor for a check up. The doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again." To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will five times!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Oatmeal Bags for Itchy Skin When your kids have itchy insect bites, give them little bags made from pieces of pantyhose stuffed with handfuls of dry oatmeal. These soothing "scratchy bags" relieve the itch without the risk of broken skin or infection. They are great for adults too. My son has severe psoriasis and I give these to him to help stop the scratching. Source: Canadian Living Magazine, August 2002 By Cinnamon from Williams Lake, B.C. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them yelled, "Ma'am, it looks like you knocked out your cat with the first slam. If you are going to keep doing that, you are going to get some very expensive vet bills!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A handyman, who was working for a Synagogue, had asked for a raise and was turned down. He decided to quit and went out to look for work. First he went to a Catholic church and was told that in order to work there he would have to answer one question. The priest asked, "Where was Jesus born?" The man answered, "Pittsburgh," and was thrown out on his ear. He then went to a Baptist church. The minister told him that in order to get a job there he would have to answer a question. He was asked, "Where was Jesus born?" The man answered, "Philadelphia." He was promptly tossed out. Walking away he met the rabbi who was looking for him. The rabbi exclaimed, "The board approved your raise. Please come back immediately." The man said to the rabbi, "I will come back only if you answer a question. "Where was Jesus born?" The rabbi says, "Bethlehem". "Of course!" cried the man. "I knew it was in Pennsylvania".
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Abe vs Obama 

For all of you who have made disparaging remarks about President Obama, please read the following...
I'm sure most of us have read the so-called comparison of Lincoln and Kennedy, but did you ever consider the relationship between Obama and Lincoln?



You might be surprised...

Here's the parallels of Abraham Lincoln and Barack Hussein Obama:

Lincoln placed his hand on the Bible for his inauguration.
Obama used the same Bible.

Lincoln came from Illinois.
Obama comes from Illinois.

Lincoln served in the Illinois Legislature.
Obama served in the Illinois Legislature.

Lincoln had very little experience before becoming President.
Obama had very little experience before becoming President.

Lincoln rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his inauguration.
Obama rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his inauguration.

Lincoln was a skinny lawyer.
Obama is a skinny lawyer.

Lincoln was a Republican.
Obama is a skinny lawyer .

Lincoln was in the United States military.
Obama is a skinny lawyer .

Lincoln believed in everyone carrying their own weight.
Obama is a skinny lawyer.

Lincoln did not waste taxpayers' money on personal enjoyments.
Obama is a skinny lawyer.

Lincoln was highly respected.
Obama is a skinny lawyer.

Lincoln was born in the United States.
Obama is a skinny lawyer.

Lincoln was honest, so honest he was called Honest Abe.
Obama is a skinny lawyer.

Lincoln saved the United States.
Obama is a skinny lawyer .

Amazing, isn't it?





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How to strip >>> AOL Flags 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, April 6
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Remember what Easter is all about?

Today in 
0648 -BC- Earliest total solar eclipse; chronicled by Greeks 
0402 Battle at Pollentia Roman army under Stilicho beats Visigoths
0610 Lailat-ul Qadar, the night the koran descended to Earth 
1106 Fire in Venice 
1652 Cape Colony, the 1st white settlement in South Africa established by Riebeeck
1712 Slave revolt in New York 
1722 Peter the Great ends tax on men with beards
1815 English militia shoots prisoners, 100's killed
1830 Joseph Smith & 5 others organize Mormon church in Seneca County, New York
1841 Cornerstone laid for 2nd Mormon temple, Nauvoo IL
1848 Jews of Prussia granted equality 
1868 Brigham Young marries his 27th & final wife
1869 1st plastic, Celluloid, patented 
1886 City of Vancouver British Columbia Canada incorporated
1889 George Eastman places Kodak Camera on sale for 1st time 
1893 Mormon temple in Salt Lake City dedicated 
1896 American, James Connolly, wins 1st Olympic gold medal in modern history 
1906 1st animated cartoon copyrighted 
1909 North Pole reached by Americans Robert Peary & Matthew Henson
1912 Electric starter 1st appeared in cars 
1917 US declares war on Germany, enters World War I 
1924 4 planes leave Seattle on 1st successful around-the-world flight
1930 Hostess Twinkies invented by bakery executive James Dewar
1938 Teflon invented by Roy J Plunkett
1939 Great Britain & Poland sign military pact 
1941 Beginning of 3 day Allied bombardment of Belgrade (17,000 die) 
1945 Japanese giant battleship Yamato heads to Okinawa
1945 Massive kamikaze-attack on US battle fleet near Okinawa
1954 TV Dinner is 1st put on sale by Swanson & Sons
1957 NYC ends trolley car service 
1965 Intelsat 1 ("Early Bird") 1st commercial geosynchronous communications satellite 
1974 250,000 attend rock concert "California Jam" 
1980 Post It Notes are introduced 
1992 Serbian troops begin siege of Sarajevo
2012  smiled

Wednesday's snow melted off the roads, they were warm,
but is still 4 - 6 inches deep on the trees and on shaded lawns.
Some of the snow will still be around on Easter Sunday.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Sound really does travel slower than light. The advice parents give to their 18 year olds doesn't reach them until they're about 40. --- Socratex "The closest to perfection anyone ever comes is when he fills out a job application form." --- Stanley J. Randall What you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. --- Goethe
A cantor, the man who sings the prayers at a synagogue, brags before his congregation in a booming, bellowing voice, "two years ago I insured my voice with Lloyds of London for $750,000." There is a hushed and awed silence in the crowded room. Suddenly, from the back of the room, the quiet, nasal voice of an elderly woman is heard, "So vat did you do with the money?"
Nicholas Zhou's Bestselling Cookbook"Real And Healthy Chinese Cooking"  Over 500 Authentic and Healthy
Chinese Recipes for Your Lifetime
 
In this 543-page cookbook, you'll find:
  • 338 low carb recipes
  • 289 low fat recipes
  • 356 low calorie recipes
  • 118 fruit, vegetable and vegetarian recipes
  • 22 tofu (bean curd) recipes
  • 10 rice, fried recipes
  • 65 beef recipes
  • 82 chicken recipes
  • 69 pork recipes
  • 65 seafood recipes
  • 21 noodle recipes
  • 23 soup and stew recipes
  • 46 appetizer recipes
  • 22 dessert recipes
  • 13 lamb and veal recipes
Get this cookbook NOW and start cooking authentic Chinese food today!   To make it even better for you, I'm also including 2 bonus cookbooks with your order. To see more details about the two bonus books, click here.

The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips.. Mother drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. "Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "Please give us some wisdom before you die." She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said, "Don't sell that cow."
Click through for the large version. Istanbul
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Brooke Burke, 36, North Olmsted, Ohio Refused To Stop Slow Dancing With Groom At Wedding, Attacked The Bride and cops Brooke Burke, a 36-year-old Ohio woman was jailed after she allegedly refused to stop slow dancing with the groom at a couple's wedding reception. According to police, the bride at a wedding reception got a surprise reaction when she asked Burke to stop slow dancing with her new husband. Burke, who is reportedly married to the groom's brother, took exception with the request and retaliated by taking a swing at the bride. Burke then allegedly hurled expletives at the bride as other guests pulled her away. Witnesses told police that Burke, who was visibly intoxicated, attacked the bride at least twice during the evening. A short time later, while waiting outside the reception for a cab, Burke approached the bride a third time and tried to attack her yet again. A witness who tried to restrain Burke was pushed to the ground. An auxiliary officer who attended the reception restrained Burke until she fell to the ground kicking and screaming, according to police. A second auxiliary officer rushed in to help after Burke struck the first officer in the face several times. Burke was eventually subdued, arrested and stuffed into the backseat of a police cruiser. She was transported to the North Olmsted Police station and charged with assault and disorderly conduct intoxication.
Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: Strip >> from emails Dear Webby, I had to get this @#$%^%$# reformatted and the techy didn't reinstall that wonderful program I got from you for cleaning up emails before I send them on.(as in getting rid of the >>>> 's etc., ...and...I can't remember the name of it or find it on your site.....sheeeesh..maybe I'm losing it Anyway would you be so kind as to send me the link so I can re-install it and not send " dirty" emails on. Thanks so much.. Ann Dear Ann Just go to my Tool Box and scoot down to just below the goofy GIMP dog. There you see a small icon with two >> on it and crossed out. The program is called STRIP. It is free. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An old Jewish woman has been invited to help screen a movie for the rating it'll carry. The movie is an old remake of a Roman Gladiator-type movie. In the middle of the movie is a scene where the Romans are feeding people to the lions. The little old lady hits the buzzer she's been given, which stops the movie. The attendant comes down to her chair and says, "Yes, ma'am?" "This movie should be rated 'R'," she says, "because those Jews are being fed to the lions!" The attendant says, "Ma'am, those are Christians, not Jews." "Oh..... Ok. Well, start the movie up again." A few minutes later she again presses the buzzer. The attendant comes down to her chair. "Yes ma'am?" She points to the screen. "Those lions over there... ...they're not eating!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Print On The Back Side Of Paper Instead of throwing away copy paper that has been run through the printer or copier, I have started to save them. Place the used paper in a file folder or appropriate sized box to keep the corners flat and paper unwrinkled. I then use the back of these sheets to print proof reading copies or other things where it doesn't matter if the back has already been used. It can really save money and resources. I do this at home and at work and feel good about getting all the use I can out of every sheet of paper. By Bebe52 from Lambert, MS You can save even more when you use ClickBook. I have had this link in my Tool Box since the late 90's, and have saved a huge amount of paper thanks to ClickBook. Clickbok turns any cheap printer into a double-sided booklet printer. You can print an eBook in paperback book format, 4 pages per sheet, with all the sheets ordered and sorted, ready to glue or staple the spine. You don't have to figure out what goes in the back of page 247, it does all that for you. ClickBook does over 170 different formats, from broshures to table riders. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A woman was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal beliefs to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm spirit, so he tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel their kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed the woman, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I hadn't been to a class reunion in decades. When I walked into this latest one, I thought I recognized a wife of a classmate over in the corner, so I approached her and extended my hand in greeting, saying, "You look like Helen Brown." "Well," the woman snapped back, "You don't look so great in blue either!"
» What Lies Beneath>





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Is there a way to protect the HTML source 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, April 5

From Mike
Dear Webby,
Following the example of your "friend" at AOL, I've decided
 I want special attention as well.  

Henceforth, I shall be addressed as 
"Sir Mike of the Realm of the Virgins, Seeker of Truth and 
Slayer of Dragons, Rescuer of Damsels in or out of Distress, 
ESQ, PDA, LT, USN (Ret), MPG, JPG, Original Blend, 
Your Mileage may Vary."

If that doesn't fit, please feel free to continue addressing 
me as Mike.

Love the laughs, especially from the A-OL's 

Mike
Of the Realm of Virgins Beach, Virginia


Today in 
2348 -BC- Noah's ark grounded, Mount Ararat
1242 Alexander Nevsky of Novgorod defeats Teutonic Knights
1614 Indian princess Pocahontas marries English colonist John Rolfe
1621 Mayflower sails from Plymouth on a return trip to England 
1648 Spanish troops/feudal barons strike down people's uprising in Naples
1722 Jacob Roggeveen discovers Easter Island
1751 Adolf Frederik of Holstein-Gottorp crowns himself king of Sweden
1762 British take Grenada, West Indies, from French
1896 1st modern Olympic Games officially open in Athens 
1902 Soccer match riot between Scotland & England kills 25 
1915 French begin Woëvre-offensive 
1923 Firestone Company puts their inflatable tires into production 
1938 Anti-Jewish riots break out in Dabrowa Poland 
1944 140 Lancasters bomb airplane manufacturer in Toulouse 
1964 1st driverless trains run on the London Underground 
1971 Mount Etna erupts in Sicily Italy 
1974 Then tallest building, World Trade Center opens in NYC
1983 France throws out 47 Soviet diplomats
2063 Earth's 1st contact by extra-terrestrials (Vulcan); according to Star Trek 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. --- Douglas Adams
Thanks to Pat for this: Our five-year-old son went to a church conference with my wife and me. He got restless, so my wife handed him a pad and pencil and suggested he mark down every time the speaker said the word "and." After a while, he grew bored, and I asked, "Would you like to listen for a different word?" "Yes," he whispered. "I'd like to listen for 'Amen'."
Nicholas Zhou's Bestselling Cookbook"Real And Healthy Chinese Cooking"  Over 500 Authentic and Healthy
Chinese Recipes for Your Lifetime
 
In this 543-page cookbook, you'll find:
  • 338 low carb recipes
  • 289 low fat recipes
  • 356 low calorie recipes
  • 118 fruit, vegetable and vegetarian recipes
  • 22 tofu (bean curd) recipes
  • 10 rice, fried recipes
  • 65 beef recipes
  • 82 chicken recipes
  • 69 pork recipes
  • 65 seafood recipes
  • 21 noodle recipes
  • 23 soup and stew recipes
  • 46 appetizer recipes
  • 22 dessert recipes
  • 13 lamb and veal recipes
Get this cookbook NOW and start cooking authentic Chinese food today!   To make it even better for you, I'm also including 2 bonus cookbooks with your order. To see more details about the two bonus books, click here.

Jane and Gina and Mona died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was. Jane said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he turned her away. Gina said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he turned her away. Mona said she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said, "OK, tell me." She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder..." St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good!" Mona continued, "Now every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of hockey."
Click through for the large version. Prag
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Olga perdomo and Willie Weathersby Bank Robbers Caught After Returning To Crime Scene The FBI said an attempted bank robber in Chicago was foiled by a teller who told her the bank was closed and she should come back the following day. The criminal complaint filed Tuesday in U.S. District Court said Olga Perdomo walked into the Albany Bank and Trust on West Lawrence Avenue around 5 p.m. on March 29 and handed a teller a note demanding "all of your money, no cops, no dye pack," the Chicago Tribune reported Wednesday. However, after reading the note, the teller told the woman the bank was closed and told her to come back the next day. "The female then left the bank," the complaint said. The woman, who was seen by a surveillance camera, was spotted by a bank employee walking outside of the establishment with a man around 3:20 p.m. Monday. Perdomo was arrested and police caught the man she was walking with after a short chase. The man was identified as Willie Weathersby, who officers recognized as a suspect in the robbery of $2,589 from the same bank March 23, the FBI said.
Tech Support Pits: From: Betty Re: Protect HTML from copying Dear Webby Is there a way to protect the HTML source of my pages from getting copied? Thanks Betty Dear Betty HTML source code can be encrypted. Just go to http://www.iwebtool.com/html_encrypter paste your HTML Source, and they will encrypt it for you. If you don't want to go quite that far, you can compress the source code by taking out all the empty spaces and line ends. That makes it awfully hard to read the source code, and will discourage most people from stealing it. There is a free compressor at http://www.digitalcoding.com/tools/compress-html.html Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Hope for bringing back this classic: A Southern Baptist minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." With even greater emphasis he yelled, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he hollered, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it all and pour it into the river. AMEN! " With the sermon complete, he sat down. The choir leader stood very cautiously, carefully steadying himself by hanging on to the pew, and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, "For our closhing sschong, let ush sching Hymn #365, "Shall We Gather at the River?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hang Soap At Outdoor Spigot I put a bar of soap in the toe of a cut off leg of pantyhose and tie it onto my out side water faucets. It is handy for clean up after working in the yard and saves bringing the grime into the house. I have also taken these to picnics, family gatherings, etc. and slip knotted them onto a faucet for hand washing. By plwp12 from Odessa, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
One day while returning to my desk after a routine service call, a young lady flagged me down and asked for help. "My disk drive won't work, can you help me?" I told her I'd take a look and proceeded over to her machine, where I found shredded up clear plastic baggie-like stuff hanging out of her disk drive. While I spent the next 20 minutes getting her disk out and digging out the plastic, I noticed two guys in the corner trying awful hard to keep a straight face. I asked her how the plastic got in the drive. "Oh, you mean the condom? Yes, John & Dave over there told me to always put a condom on my disk before inserting it to prevent it from catching viruses." By this point, John & Dave were roaring and it was all I could do to keep from joining them. The "condom" turned out to be a standard plastic sleeve. I delicately explained to her that a practical joke had been played and she shouldn't do that anymore, when she asked, "Does that mean that I don't have to stroke it ten times or blow on it either?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"Hey you! Pull over!" shouted the traffic cop. Karin complied, and got a ticket for fifty-five dollars. She went home in great anxiety lest her husband, who always examined her chequebook, should learn of the incident. Then inspiration struck and she marked the check stub, "One pullover, $55."
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Final TSA report for 2011 ... 

Listen up all you naysayers. Those of you who whine about airport body scanners being an infringement of your rights under the Constitution, who rail about unwelcome and illegal invasions of your privacy, who complain of egregious and unwarranted government intrusion- you need to lighten up. The TSA performs a useful function on behalf of air travelers.

TSA Report for 2011 The Year 2011 is over. Homeland Security has provided their end-of-the-year statistics on airport screenings here in the U.S.

It is truly amazing what those full-body scanners have shown.

* Terrorist Plots Discovered: 0
* Transvestites: 743
* Enlarged Prostates: 19,249
* Breast Implants: 209,350
* Colon problems: 27,298
* Natural Blondes: 3





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Is Video Grabber safe? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, April 4

From N in Maryland
(She sums up what a lot of people wrote about that AOLer,
who did not want her name used to greet her)

Something must be wrong with that person...
Sorry... I like it when I see my name...it makes it more 
personal...and that is nice. I miss your daily comments 
too. Keep the dates and make your comments too. 
You are right most of the time...LOL 8)...
N in Maryland, USA.

The shortest comment was from Ed:
It's a hoot!   Don't stop!
 Ed

Today in 
1460 University of Basel in Swizerland forms 
1558 Czar Ivan IV gives parts of North-Russia to fur traders
1655 Battle at Postage Farina, Tunis English fleet beats Barbarian pirates 
1828 Casparus van Wooden patents chocolate milk powder
1850 City of Los Angeles incorporated 
1896 Announcement of Gold in the Yukon 
1905 Earthquake in Kangra India, kills 370,000
1912 Chinese republic proclaimed in Tibet 
1916 US Senate agrees (82-6) to participate in WWI
1920 Arabs attack Jews in Jerusalem
1932 Vitamin C 1st isolated, C C King, University of Pittsburgh 
1944 De Gaulle forms new regime in exile, with communists 
1947 Largest group of sunspots on record 
1994 Netscape Communications founded as Mosaic Communications 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Things are more like they are now than they ever were before. --- Dwight D. Eisenhower "All meanings, we know, depend on the key of interpretation." --- George Eliot (Mary Ann Evans) Treat a man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become what he should be. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff broken down by age and sex. The personnel office sent this reply... "Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one broken down by age or sex. However, we have a few alcoholics."

Nicholas Zhou's Bestselling Cookbook

"Real And Healthy Chinese Cooking"

 

Over 500 Authentic and Healthy
Chinese Recipes for Your Lifetime

 

In this 543-page electronic cookbook, you'll find:

  • 338 low carb recipes

  • 289 low fat recipes

  • 356 low calorie recipes

  • 118 fruit, vegetable and vegetarian recipes

  • 22 tofu (bean curd) recipes

  • 10 rice, fried recipes

  • 65 beef recipes

  • 82 chicken recipes

  • 69 pork recipes

  • 65 seafood recipes

  • 21 noodle recipes

  • 23 soup and stew recipes

  • 46 appetizer recipes

  • 22 dessert recipes

  • 13 lamb and veal recipes

Get this cookbook NOW and start cooking authentic Chinese food today!

 

To make it even better for you, I'm also including 2 bonus cookbooks with your order. To see more details about the two bonus books, click here.


One afternoon, a woman was in her back yard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. The woman could tell from the dog’s collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when she walked into the house, the dog followed her, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and the woman let him out. The next day the dog was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, the woman pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon, your dog comes to my house for a nap." The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "We have ten children. He's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come too?"
Click through for the large version. Andes
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to James Wren, 25, and Holly Watkins, 23, in Chelsea, Oklahoma Couple took baby along to burglary James Wren, 25, and Holly Watkins, 23, were jailed Wednesday after they allegedly burglarized a home while their infant son waited in the getaway car. According to the Rogers County Sheriff's Office, Wren and Watkins were burglarizing a Chelsea home when they were interrupted by the home owner's family. Sheriff's deputies arrived to find the burglar couple's 4-month-old son crying in the back seat of their car. Deputies found jewelry and other valuables hidden inside a pillow case in the woods - not far from where Watkins had been walking. Several other jewelry items were found in the couple's Chevy Tahoe. Wren and Watkins were booked into the Rogers County Jail and charged with burglary, obstructing an officer, knowingly concealing stolen property and child endangerment. DHS officials have placed the baby into protective custody.
Tech Support Pits: From: Erika Re: Is VideoGrabber safe? Dear Webby Is that Video Grabber add-on safe? It looks good, if you believe them, but sounds almost too good. Erika Dear Erika It does work OK for downloading MP3 files from YouTube files, but it is not straight and simple. You have to put up with all kinds of advertising and carefully stear clear of that, in order to get your MP3. In addition to that, it messes with your browser and adds an unwanted toolbar row, that is not easy to get rid off. VideoGrabber has been written by IE toadies and it really shows. Whenever it encounters problems, it opens up IE. It also kills your little multi-engine search bar, if you got it, and expects you to use their Bing search bar. VideoGrabber has no really major or catastrophic problems, just sloppy amateurish messing around. You probably CAN cope with those problems, but you might be a lot happier looking for an alternative. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob went straight over to Joe's place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her. Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Joe said that he'd started this about 6 months ago, it had revived their marriage and things couldn't be better. Bob thought he'd give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears. Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remove Condensation from Car Windows When your windshield steams up on you, a clean blackboard eraser kept in the glove compartment of your car or truck can be quite handy for wiping off the moisture. The eraser is less bulky than a cloth and doesn't shed lint on the glass. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Bob's Secrets to a Happy Marriage 1. It is important to find a woman who cooks and cleans. 2. It is important to find a woman who makes good money. 3. It is important to find a woman who likes to have sex. 4. It is EXTREMELY important that these three women never meet.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but no golfer can put "straight" on the ball.
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Man Boobs: A Watcher's Guide 


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DSL and phone on the same line 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, April 3

Today in 
0245 -BC- Start of Era of Arsaces
1376 Battle of Navarrete, England beat France
1764 Austrian arch duke Jozef crowned himself Roman Catholic king
1856 Gunpowder in church explodes killing 4,000 in Rhodos
1868 Hawaiian surfs on highest wave ever, a 50' tidal wave
1910 Highest mountain in North America, Alaska's Mount McKinley climbed
1919 Austria expels all Habsburgers and outlaws royalty
1922 Stalin appointed General Secretary of Communist Party
1926 2nd flight of a liquid-fueled rocket by Robert Goddard 
1933 1st airplane flight over Mount Everest 
1941 Churchill warns Stalin of German invasion 
1944 British dive bombers attack battle cruiser Tirpitz 
1948 Harry Truman signs Marshall Plan ($5B loans to 16 European countries) 
1949 North Atlantic Treaty, (NATO) pact signed by US, Britain, France & Canada 
1958 Fidel Castro's rebels attacked Havana 
1964 US & Panamá agree to resume diplomatic relations
1965 1st atomic powered spacecraft (SNAP) launched 
1966 Luna 10 orbits Moon 
1981 Race riots in London's Brixton area
1991 UN Security Council adopts Gulf War truce resolution 
2012  smiled

Most subscribers enjoy and appreciate it, when I greet them
with their name, and occasionally build their name into a joke.
Not all, though. Today one, an AOLer, who shall remain 
nameless and anonymous, demanded, that I change her first 
name to "Friend".

Yes, sure. No problem.
Makes me wonder, though.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"You can't go to a public pool and splash around any more. Everyone is swimming laps now. Some guy jumped in behind me and said, "How long you gonna be using this lane, dude?" And I said, "Until my bladder's empty, punk." --- Tommy Sledge It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. --- Krishnamurti The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards. --- Arthur Koestler A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way. --- John Tudor
A plumber attended to a leaking faucet at the neurosurgeon's house. After a two-minute job, he demanded $150. The neurosurgeon exclaimed, "I don't even charge that amount and I am a brain surgeon." The plumber replied, "I agree. You are right! I didn't either, when I was a surgeon. That's why I switched to plumbing."
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

Mr. Peterson, a tourist from Toronto, arrived in Israel. In an airport taxi cab, Peterson asked the driver, "Say, is this really a healthful place?" "It sure is," the cabby replied. "When I came here I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room, and I had to be lifted out of bed." "That's wonderful!" said the tourist, "How long have you been here?" "I was born here."
Click through for the large version. Chichen Itzá, México
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Meredith Pruitt, 31 in Gastonia, NC Teacher Conspired With Student To Sell Prescription Pills To Other Students Meredith Pruitt, a 31-year-old teacher at Forestview High School in North Carolina has been jailed after she allegedly conspired with a student to sell prescription drugs to students. According to Gastonia Police, an investigation was launched after it was discovered that a student was selling prescription pills to students. Investigators say the student received the pills from Pruitt, and then gave Pruitt a part of the proceeds collected from selling the medication. All students who purchased the pills have been identified, police say. Pruitt was booked into the Gaston County Jail and charged with possession with intent to sell or deliver a schedule IV controlled substance, sell or deliver a schedule IV controlled substance, promoting drug sales by a minor, sell or deliver a controlled substance to a minor, sell or deliver a controlled substance within 1000 feet of a school, hire or use a minor to commit a controlled substance offense, conspiracy to sell or deliver a schedule IV controlled substance and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. She was released after posting $15,000 bail.
Tech Support Pits: From: Britta P Re: Phone plus DSL at the same time Dear Webby Is it safe to dump my first phone number and just use the second one that has the DSL on it? Would I get knocked off the net if somebody calls in or if I call out? How does that work, in simple terms please! Thanks Britta P Dear Britta It's perfectly safe to do that. The phone and the DSL share the wire, but they use different frequencies. An analogy would be a glass fiber or rod that passes light through it. A beam of red light would carry the phone stuff, and a beam of blue light would carry the Internet stuff. At each end is a crystal prism that splits the light into the different colors of the rainbow. The phone only sees the red and reddish colors, and the DSL modem only sees the blue and bluish colors. Neither the phone nor the DSL modem see or are aware of what goes on in the other device's color band. Exactly the same happens with your phone cable. Neither the phone nor the DSL modem see or are aware of what goes on in the other device's frequency band. Usually the phone company installs a splitter and a separate line from there to your modem. That way the signal is not weakened by half a dozen phones around the house. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Richard for this one: In search of a new shower for our home, my wife and I went to a bathroom-supply store. We discussed our needs with a young saleswoman. Since it was near closing time, we had to curtail our discussion and made plans to come back the next day to make our final decision. Later that evening, my wife and I were at a restaurant, where the same young lady from the bathroom-supply store was now working a shift as a waitress. As she passed our table, she suddenly recognized us and called to me in a loud voice, "HEY! You're the man who needs a shower!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Baking Soda I buy baking soda by the bag at Costco. I have one in the laundry room but don't need it taking up space in the kitchen and each bathroom. After washing and drying the plastic containers from flavored coffee creamers, I slit the labels to remove and mark the bottles accordingly with a Sharpie. They're easy to fill with a funnel and the pour top allows me to sprinkle as needed. There's one under each sink and the big bag is convenient for refills on a shelf in the garage. By mountainbrd from NJ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
went to the store with gramma and on the way home, was looking at the things she had purchased. found a package of panty hose and began to sound out the words "Queen Size", then turned to gramma and exclaimed, "Look Grandma, you wear the same size as mom's bed sheets!"
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Julia Sweeney "Sex Ed." Monologue 







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Using your name in newsletters 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, April 2

Thanks Jim!

Today in 
1513 Explorer Juan Ponce de León claims Florida for Spain
1550 Jews are expelled from Genoa Italy 
1905 Cairo-Capetown railway opens 
1921 Professor Albert Einstein lectures in NYC on his new theory of relativity
1931 Teenage girl strikes out Babe Ruth & Lou Gehrig in an exhibition game in Chattanooga TN 
1932 Charles Lindbergh turns over $50,000 as ransom for kidnapped son 
1935 Sir Watson-Watt patents RADAR
1944 Soviet Army marches into pro-German Romania
1960 Cuba buys oil from USSR
1978 Velcro was 1st put on the market 
1980 Wayne Gretzky becomes 1st teenager to score 50 NHL goals in a season 
1987 IBM introduces PS/2 & OS/2
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Did you see this? Yesterday a 4.2 earthquake shook Arkansas. Over 2000 cars were knocked off their blocks. There is scarcely anything in the world that some man cannot make a little worse, and sell a little more cheaply. The person who buys on price alone is this man's lawful prey. --- John Ruskin The best minds are not in government. If any were, business would hire them away. --- Ronald Reagan
Thanks to Lillemor for this: Bob's wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So Bob went to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

For their anniversary, a couple went out for a romantic dinner. Their teenage daughters said they would fix a dessert and leave it waiting. When they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note that read: "Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn't do!" "I suppose," the husband responded dryly, "we could clean the house."
Thanks to Dad for this picture: Click through for the large version. I got the last of Dad's March pictrues uploaded to Dawna.com Now it is up to you to tell me which one you like the best!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Andrew James Britt, 24 in Live Oak, FL Running Meth Lab In Camper Parked On Strangers' Lawn A Live Oak man has been arrested for manufacturing methamphetamine within the city limits of Live Oak, according to a press release from the Live Oak Police Department. Reports show that Andrew James Britt, 24, 1218 2nd Street, was arrested after police discovered he was operating a meth lab in a camper. According to the press release, officers responded to a residence on 2nd Street on March 26, in response to a report of suspicious activity. Upon arriving, authorities were told by the complainant that someone had been living in a camper in their yard without permission. When police entered the camper, they found Britt asleep, along with several suspicious items around him, the press release stated. Based on experience, it appeared to police that Britt was using the camper as a methamphetamine manufacturing laboratory, authorities say. “Britt later confirmed that he was living in the camper illegally and had been preparing meth inside the camper,” LOPD Detective Justin Bates stated in the press release. Britt was arrested and has been charged with possession of methamphetamine and manufacturing methamphetamine.
Tech Support Pits: From: Terri Re: Nice to use my name! thanks for putting terri63379 smiled....very nice of you.... Dear Terri Looks like you put "terri63379" into the "FIRST NAME" field, when you subscribed. I edited that to "Terri" now. You may have noticed, that I not only greet you with the name, that you used during the subscription, but occasionally also build your name into jokes. Naturally, a joke falls flat if the star's name is "terri53379", instead of "Terri". Just be glad you didn't put "Mrs Hortensia Oglethorpe-Smythe III" into the FIRST NAME field. Replacing "Little Johnny" with that really messes up a joke! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Three small boys were bragging about their fathers. The first boasted that his dad owned a farm. The second said his dad owned a factory. The third boy, a pastors son, replied: "That's nothin'. My dad owns hell." "No way," another boy scoffed. "How can a man own hell?" "Sure he can," the preacher's son said. "My mom told my grandma that them elders of our church gave it to him last night."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Refurbishing Candles If you have warped candles, dunk them in a pan of warm water to make them pliable enough to bend back straight. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO If you have expensive decorative candles that burn down in the middle, get a bag of the cheap "tea-light" candles ($3.99 for 100 at Ikea) and set them into the hollow. If the hollow is deep, carve it so that the metal of the tea-light candle does not touch the sides of the hollow, set it on a slice of cork, and drill a little air hole to let fresh air in to just below the metal. That gives a much smoother and steadier flame. With tea-light candles you can make fancy decorative candles last practically forever. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A local Pastor joined a community service club, and the members thought they would have some fun with him. Under his name badge they printed, "Hog Caller" as his occupation. Everyone made a big fanfare as the badge was presented. The Pastor responded by saying, "I usually am called the "shepherd of the sheep'... but you know your people better than I do."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The proprietor of an optical shop was instructing his son on how to charge a customer. "After you have fitted the customer's glasses," he said, "and he asks you what the charge will be, you say, '$200.' Then see if he winces." "If the customer doesn't wince you say, 'For the frames. The lenses will be another $200.'" "If he still doesn't wince you say firmly, 'Each.'"
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How long does printer ink last? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, March 31

Thanks Jim!

Today in 
374 Halley's Comet approaches within 0.0884 astronomical units (AUs) of Earth 
1663 Holland fines unwed motherhood (50 guilder penalty) 
1748 Ruins of Pompeii found
1792 Dutch feminist Etta Palm demands women's right to divorce
1793 Volcano Unsen on Japan erupts killing about 53,000 
1826 Samuel Mory patents internal combustion engine
1867 Singapore, Penang & Malakka become British crown colonies
1881 Anti-Jewish riots in Jerusalem
1888 Soccer team Sparta forms in Rotterdam
1889 1st dishwashing machine marketed (Chicago) 
1924 Hitler sentenced to 5 years labor
1929 Louie Marx introduces Yo-Yo 
1934 Bonnie & Clyde kill 2 police officers
1935 1st radio tube made of metal announced, Schenectady NY 
1941 Navy takes over Treasure Island (San Francisco Bay) 
1945 Canadian troops free key parts of Holland
1946 400,000 US mine workers strike 
1946 Weight Watchers forms 
1947 1st Jewish immigrants to Israel disembark at Port of Eilat 
1952 Big Bang theory proposed in Physical Review by Alpher, Bethe & Gamow 
1961 Jim Bakker marries Tammy Faye
1966 China premier Tsjoe en-Lai starts "Cultural revolution" 
1976 Stephen Wozniak & Steven Jobs originate Apple Computer 
1979 Iran proclaimed an Islamic Republic following fall of Shah 
1982 US formally transfers Canal Zone to Panamá
1986 World oil prices dip below $10 a barrel 
1990 It becomes illegal in Salem OR to be within 2' of nude dancers 
1991 Warsaw Pact officially dissolves 
1997 Comet Hale-Bopp Perihelion (0.914 AU) 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit. --- Harry S Truman "A recent study has found that more senior citizens than ever are entering college. College faculty says that the seniors are like any other students but take Jell-O shots just for the Jell-O." --- Conan O'Brien
Here is a classic that came back via Jolly: It was Palm Sunday, and the mother's 3 year old son had to stay home from church because of strep throat. When the rest of the family returned home carrying palm branches, the little boy asked what they were for. His mother explained, "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by." "Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed. "The one Sunday I don't go, and Jesus shows up!"
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

There was this guy in a mental hospital. All day long he had his ear to the wall, listening. The Dr. Cohen would watch this guy do this day after day. The doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing. He turned to the mental patient and said, "I don't hear anything." The mental patient said, "Yeah doc, I know. It's been like that for months."
Click through for the large version. Sydney
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jason Wrenchy, 29 in Edmonds, Wash Wanted man text messages detective EDMONDS, Wash., March 28 (UPI) -- A man wanted on felony warrants was arrested after he sent a text message to a detective, police in Edmonds, Wash., said. Police detective Brian McIntyre said he received a text message from a number he didn't recognize. The text said, "Who are you?" and the detective responded with a similar question, KOMO-TV, Seattle, reported Wednesday. McIntyre said there was no response until he received another message from the phone number two days later. "And it said 'Come get me,' and then a not-so-nice word," he said. "I was like, oh, that sounds like a criminal." McIntyre said he plugged the number into a police computer and discovered it belonged to Jason Wrenchy, 29, a man McIntyre had previously arrested for burglary and drugs. He said Wrenchy had two outstanding warrants on felony charges. "We just decided I'll text him and see if he wants to meet me somewhere," he said. McIntyre said he was shocked when Wrenchy messaged back with an address, but not as shocked as the suspect was when he found himself under arrest. "In this case, he was obviously not so smart," McIntyre said. "I don't know if he ever knew who he was texting with."
Tech Support Pits: From: Ruth Re: How long does printer ink last? Dear Webby How long does printer ink last? Ruth Dear Ruth High quality ink,like the ink from Atlantic Inkjet.com, will last for many years. Printer cartridges, though, will not last long unless they are used at least three times a week. The problem is with the way cartridges and print heads are designed and built. They dry out and become unusable, unless they are used frequently. Especially if you are buying the ridiculously cheap bulk ink from Atlantic Inkjet, make it a habit of printing a page every day. You can print over the same old print dozens of times, or print on any used paper. Just keep the cartridge in use and moist. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Sam was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer. "I'm going to a lecture," Sam replied. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "Anni, my wife."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Magazine Organizer From Recycled Wine Box I'm sure I'm the only one who drinks boxed wines, but in case there are others of you, here's a great idea. I had the box laying on the dryer waiting to be torn down for the recycle bin when I noticed the size is just about the same as a cardboard magazine organizer. I grabbed a flimsy organizer off my craft shelf, lined it up on the box, marked a few lines, and cut away. Not only is it a money saver, but the re-purposed wine boxes are much sturdier than the magazine boxes you can buy. I just covered it with some leftover contact paper and waited for the next box to empty! By DannieB from Seattle, WA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a female pedestrian. She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention. She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the truck's path, and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the curb and stopped. I rushed to the woman's side to see if she was all right. "I'm fine," she assured me, "but I hate to think what could have happened to me if that dog hadn't honked."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
While I was working in the men's section of a department store, a woman asked me to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband. When I asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first, then her face brightened. She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs. "I don't know his size," she said, "but my hands fit per- fectly around his neck."
» Colors





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The Importance of Walking .... !! 

Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we don't know where he is.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say, 'Well, she looks good doesn't she.'

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years...... just getting over the hill.

We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

AND

Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine.




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How do Iget rid of the shortcut arrow on icons 



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>
Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, March 31

Today in 
1492 Queen Isabella of Castilia & Ferdinand of Aragon expel Jews from Spain
1504 France & Spain signs ceasefire 
1667 France/England sign anti-Dutch military accord 
1683 Emperor Leopold I/Poland signs covenant against Turkey
1745 Jews are expelled from Prague
1808 French created Kingdom of Westphalia orders Jews to adopt family names
1814 Forces allied against Napoleon capture Paris France 
1850 US population hits 23,191,876 (Black population: 3,638,808 (15.7%)) 
1854 Commodore Perry forces Japan to opens ports to foreign trade 
1880 1st town completely illuminated by electric lighting (Wabash IN) 
1889 300 meter Eiffel Tower officially opens (commemorates French Revolution)
1903 Richard Pearse flies monoplane several hundred yards (New Zealand) 
1917 US purchases Danish West Indies for $25M & renames them Virgin Islands
1920 British parliament accept Irish "Home Rule"-law
1921 Albert Einstein lectures in New York on his new theory of relativity 
1923 French soldiers fire on workers at Krupp factory in Essen, Germany
1932 Ford publicly unveils its V-8 engine 
1933 German Republic gives power to Hitler 
1939 Britain & France agree to support Poland if invaded by Germany
1943 US errantly bombs Rotterdam, kills 326
1944 Hungary orders all Jews to wear yellow stars
1945 US artillery lands on Keise Shima/begins firing on Okinawa 
1959 Dalai Lama fled China & was granted political asylum in India
1965 US ordered the 1st combat troops to Vietnam 
1966 25,000 anti war demonstrators march in New York NY 
1980 President Jimmy Carter deregulates banking industry 
1991 Soviet Republic of Georgia endorsed independence; Warsaw Pact dissolves
1992 UN Security Council voted to ban flights & arms sales to Libya
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought. --- Simon Cameron "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." --- Socratex
Overheard in the line-up at the bank: Did you go to college?? No, I drink at home, I couldn't afford the $10,000 dollar cover charge!
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

Tony, having his second son christened, was much concerned about getting the correct name on the birth certificate. "Will you, please, name the baby just as I give it to you?" "Certainly," answered the minister, "why shouldn't I?" "Well you see, it's like this," replied Tony. "When I told you I wanted to name my first boy Tom, you added "AS" and wrote on his birth certificate 'Thomas.' This boy I want to name Jack."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through for the large version. Red Amarylis
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Sarah Jones, Cincinnati Cheerleader And Teacher - Indicted For Having Sex With Student Covington, Ky. Sarah Jones, a Cincinnati Ben-Gals cheerleader and former Dixie Heights High School teacher, has been indicted on charges she had sex with a student while she was teaching. According to police, Jones had sex with a student while she was a teacher at Dixie Heights High School. She was indicted on a first-degree charge of sexual abuse and one count of unlawful use of electronic means to induce a minor to engage in sexual or prohibited acts. (sending him naked pictures most likely). Sarah Jones' mother, Cheryl Jones, was indicted on a charge of tampering with evidence. Cheryl Jones is the Principal of Twenhofel Middle School in independence. Sarah Jones, 26, resigned from her teaching position in November, 2011, using a one sentence resignation. She cited "personal reasons" as her reason for quitting the job. She is currently the team captain for the Cincinnati Ben-Gals cheerleading squad and has cheered with them for the last five years. Both women were booked into the Kenton County Jail on Thursday. Sarah Jones' bond was set at $50,000. Her mother Cheryl Jones' bond was set at $30,000. -------------- I realize that probably only one of today's teachers in a Million could pass the Grade 8 exams we passed, but why are they picking gossipy toy-boys so frequently?
Tech Support Pits: From: Many Re: How do I get rid of the shortcut arrow? How do I get rid of the silly shortcut arrow? Nobody except a Microsoft programmer would store files or program on the desktop, so all icons are shortcuts to SOME place other than the desktop, and the silly arrow is just a nuisance. How do I get rid of it? Many With Windows XP and previous versions all the way back to Windows 95, the best method is to use TweakUI. For Windows7 and 8 you need stronger ammo to fix that nuisance. You COULD hack around in the registry, but I consider that as a last resort. The easiest and most reliable method is to download the "Vista Shortcut Overlay Remover" Program There are two different programs, depending on whether your Windows is 32 bit or 64 bit. Hold down the Windows key and hit the PAUSE key to see which version you got, then download the appropriate program from my Tool Box. They are free. I moved the link way up near the top. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside. One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't see us or recognize my pickup." The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make? God knows we're in here... and he's the only one who counts." The first deacon answered, "Yeah, but God won't tell my wife."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use an Empty Can as a Utensil Holder When Cooking Here is what I use to prevent spilled mess on my counter when I am cooking. I usually use more than one utensil when I am cooking but never know where to place them during the cooking time as I am still using them. Well, since I usually use some type of canned goods with all my meals, I came up with the following idea. I rinse the can that I used, then I use it as a utensil holder while I am cooking. Once I am done cooking, I place the utensils in the sink, rinse the can again and recycle it. So it's kinda like recycling it twice. The bonus is that it saves a mess to clean off my counter or a plate. By tomnsaby from Albuquerque, NM I use a heavy pyrex measuring cup (4 or 6 cups) for that, and usually fill it half way with water. Unlike cans, a heavy pyrex measuing cup never gets knocked over. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past a row of empty shopping carts when the middle aged cart-girl standing there called after him, "Excuse me, don't you want a cart?" "Nah," he answered. "I'm only after one thing." As he walked into the store, he heard her murmur, "Typical male!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business! The CEO walks up the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?" Unflinching, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $600.00 a week. Why?" The CEO then hands the guy $600 in cash and screams, "Here's a week's pay; now GET OUT and don't come back!" Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?" Just then the foreman comes into the room with his wallet in his hand. He looks around and says, "Hey! Where did the pizza delivery guy go to ?"
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Easy way to make icons 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, March 30
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Today in 
0239 -BC- 1st recorded perihelion passage of Halley's Comet 
1533 Henry VIII divorces his 1st wife, Catherine of Aragon
1603 Battle at Mellifont: English army under Lord Mountjoy beats Irish
1814 Britain & allies march into Paris after defeating Napoleon
1842 Ether was used as an anaesthetic for 1st time by Dr Crawford Long (Jefferson GA) 
1870 15th Amendment passes, guarantees right to vote regardless of race
1870 Texas becomes last confederate state readmitted to Union
1911 Lötschberg tunnel in Switzerland, 13,735 meter (8.5 Miles) completed
1919 Belgian Army occupies Düsseldorf 
1944 781 British bombers attack Neurenberg 
1950 Phototransistor invention announced, Murray Hill NJ 
1972 North Vietnamese troops enter South Vietnam
1981 President Reagan shot & wounded by John W Hinckley Jr 
1992 Man accidentally backs into A's Jose Canseco's $225,000 Lamborghini 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"The most unpardonable sin in society is independence of thought." --- Emma Goldman The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. --- Ellen Parr
A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like. She said, "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten the know you sooner!"
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

An astronomer is on an expedition to Darkest Africa to observe a total eclipse of the sun, which will only be observable there, when he's captured by cannibals. The eclipse is due the next day around noon. To gain his freedom he plans to pose as a god and threaten to extinguish the sun if he's not released, but the timing has to be just right. So, in the few words of the cannibals' primitive tongue that he knows, he asks his guard what time they plan to kill him. The guard's answer is, "Tradition has it that captives are to be killed when the sun reaches the highest point in the sky on the day after their capture so that they may be cooked and ready to be served for the evening meal." "Great," the astronomer replies. The guard continues, though, "But because everyone's so excited about it, in your case we're going to wait until after the eclipse."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture of her Jasmine bush Click through for the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Lindsey Morgan, 31 Woman Seven Months Pregnant Drives Drunk, Crashes Into Tree While Fleeing Police Buckley, Mich. Lindsey Morgan, a 31-year-old Michigan woman, was charged with DUI after she allegedly crashed into a tree while fleeing from police. All while being seven months pregnant with a 2-year-old inside the car. According to the Wexford County Sheriff's Office, Morgan punched the gas pedal and fled when an officer tried to pull her over Wednesday about 10 p.m.. The pursuit came to an abrupt stop when Morgan's vehicle crashed into a tree. She was taken into custody by a Wexford County deputy. Investigators say Morgan was intoxicated at twice the legal limit for operating a motor vehicle. She is also seven months pregnant and had her 2-year-old daughter inside the vehicle. Morgan was booked into the Wexford County Jail and charged with DUI - Third Offense.
Tech Support Pits: From: Calla Re: How do I make icons? Dear Webby, I need to make a bunch of icons for vision impaired people. Yes, I know there are tons of icons hidden in Windows and where, but I have to make new ones. What program do you recommend for that? . Calla Dear Calla Any decent paint program will work, and even indecently crude ones, as long as you can save a file as .BMP Before you start painting, make a directory and call it ICONS. You can take existing pictures as long as they have lots of contrast and not too many details. Shrink them to 64 x 64 pixels and see if they are still usable. Many pictures become unrecognizable when you do that. You may have to increase contrast and replace the background. Work on it in maximum Zoom and check it at normal size until it looks OK. Save the icons in BMP format into that ICONS directory. Once you have them all done, close the paint program and use Windows Explorer and rename the files to .ICO Note! You can not do that if the files are still open in the paint program. You HAVE to close them. After that, just right-click on an icon that you want to replace, click on Properties, Change Icon, and browse to the ICONS directory, choose the right icon and doubleclick it to select it. Then hit APPLY and OK and the new icon will show up. I have a hunch I know what tomorrow's most frequent question will be: How do I get rid of the ugly shortcut arrow on the icons? Wanna bet? Have FUN! DearWebby
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Cindy pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Paper Towels Serve Dual Purpose For those of us who still find paper towels a necessity, try this to get more out of them. Every time I wash my hands and use a paper towel to dry them off (especially in flu and cold season!), I use the fact that it is wet and give a quick clean-up swipe to either the splashes of water on the sink and counter top or another small spot of dirt that could use the ol' once-over. It makes me feel a bit better about using paper towels in my house! By AlaskanAurora from Dutch Harbor, AK Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The veterinarian told Judy that her dog needed a lot more exercise. You need to make sure the dog runs around, the doctor said. Try playing a game of fetch the ball. "I can't play fetch with my dog," Judy said. "Why not?" the doctor asked. "Because," she replied, "He can't throw."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
During a quarrel with his parents, little LeRoy cried, "I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving. Don't try and stop me!" With that, he headed toward the door. His father rose and followed close behind. "Didn't you hear what I said? I don't want you to try and stop me." "Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father. "If you wait a minute, till I get my coat, I'll go with you."
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How to make a shorcut on desktop that goes to a site 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, March 29

Today in 
1461 Battle near Towton Field, 33,000 die (War of the Roses) 
1638 1st permanent white settlement in Delaware (Swedish Lutherans) 
1798 Republic of Switzerland forms
1804 Thousands of Whites massacred in Haiti 
1827 20,000 attend Ludwig von Beethovens burial in Vienna
1847 12,000 US troops capture Vera Cruz, Mexico
1848 Niagara Falls stops flowing for 30 hours due to an ice jam 
1864 Great Britain gives Isotope Islands back to Greece
1867 British North America Act (Canadian constitution) is passed 
1886 Chemist John Pemberton begins to advertise for Coca-Cola (with cocaine) 
1927 Henry O D Segrave races his Sunbeam to a record 203.79 mph at Daytona; 
1st auto to exceed 200 mph (322 kph) 
1942 British cruiser Trinidad torpedoes itself in the Barents Sea 
1949 Turkey recognizes Israel
1964 1st true Pirate Radio station, Radio Caroline (England) 
1973 Last US troops leave Vietnam, 9 years after Tonkin Gulf Resolution 
1989 1st Soviet hockey players are permitted to play for the NHL 
1994 Serbs & Croats signed a cease-fire to end the war in Croatia
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time. --- Tallulah Bankhead Just like in biographies, in many diaries the dates are are often lonely islands of facts. --- Socratex
Thanks to Alf for thos one: Not long ago I met the waitress of my dreams. About halfway through dinner I called the waitress over and said, "Ma'am, this potato is bad." She nodded, picked up the potato and smacked it. Then she put it back on my plate and said, "Sir, if that potato causes any more trouble, you just let me know."
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

Customer: Can this wool coat be worn in wet weather? Clerk: Madam, have you ever seen a sheep carry an umbrella?
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Nicole Jacques, 25 Teacher Charged With Repeatedly Having Sex With 15-Year-Old Student Hatfield, Penn. (The Weekly Vice) - Nicole Jacques, a 25-year-old former teacher at Calvary Baptist School in Landsdale, has been jailed after she repeatedly had sex with a 15-year-old student. According to police, an investigation was launched in February after the parents of a 15-year-old boy complained that Jacques was having "excessive and inappropriate contact" with their son. During the investigation, detectives learned that Jacques met the boy while teaching at Calvary Baptist School, but she resigned her position in late 2011. Following the resignation, Jacques continued to contact the teen, which soon developed into a sexual relationship. Investigators say Jacques and the boy repeatedly had sex at her apartment. Jacques was booked into jail and charged with 20 counts of involuntary deviate sexual intercourse, 20 counts of statutory sexual assault, 10 counts of unlawful contact with a minor and 20 counts of corruption of minors. She was arraigned on Monday and her bail was set at $50,000. Her next court appearance has been set for April 4th.
Tech Support Pits: From: Moe Re: shorcut on desktop that goes to a site Dear Webby, Any way to put a shorcut on desktop that goes to a site? Specifically i have Lycos as my search engine of choice. Tired of google quirks. So must go to browser Favs or Bookmarks and use that path. Should be a way to save link to desktop? Not see at their site. Would be a good idea to tell them to add the function for other lost users. moe Dear Moe Look at the address bar in your browser. Just to the left of it, there is a tiny icon, if the site has a "Favicon", a poorly documented and not properly implemented feature in Windows, or some kind of small icon. Go to for example http://webby.com/humor You will see a tiny icon of me laughing. Drag that onto an empty spot on your desktop. Instant shortcut icon. Have FUN! DearWebby
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There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new roof. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Paper Towel Rolls for Seedlings I save the cardboard centers from toilet paper. These are excellent for starting seeds for my garden in the early spring. When the conditions are right for planting, I simply plant seedling in its cardboard core. By Judi S. from Six Mile, SC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Neville had been out of work for a long time and when he was offered a job at the council as a garbage collector, he decided to take it up. On his first day things were going great until he arrived at one house and noticed there was no wheelie bin out the front. Neville thought to himself, "I wanna do a good job and not get fired from here but if they find out I missed one house then I will get fired." So he went up to the door and knocked on it. To his surprise it was a fellow from his old neighborhood who answered. Neville breathed a sigh of relief and said to the other bloke, "Where's ya bin?" The man replied, "I bin on 'olidays," Neville then said, "Na, mate, where's ya BIN?" "I bin on 'olidays I tell ya," was the reply. Neville, slightly frustrated, says, "Na, ya silly idiot. Where's ya Wheelie Bin?" The other bloke looked round to see who might be listening. "Well," he said. "I weally bin in jail but I'm tellin' everyone I bin on 'olidays."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, stood up. The teacher said, ", do you really think you're stupid?" "No, ma'am", said, "but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!" +
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The Right Person for the Right Job 

Looking for just the right employees? Try this simple personnel test. Take the job applicants and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.

If they have taken the table apart, put them in engineering.

If they are counting the cigarette butts in the ashtray, assign them to finance.

If they are waving their arms and talking aloud, send them to consulting.

If they are talking to the chairs, personnel is a good spot for them.

If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, computer information systems is their niche.

If the room has a sweaty odor, perhaps they're destined for the help desk.

If they mention the good price for the table and chairs, put them in purchasing.

If they mention that hardwood furniture does not come from rain forests, public relations would suit them well.

If they are sleeping, they are management material.

If they are writing up the experience, send them to the technical writing team.

If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to security.

If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send them to marketing.





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How much RAM does XP need? 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, March 28

Today in 
1738 English parliament declares war on Spain
1774 Britain passes Coercive Act against Massachusetts 
1797 Nathaniel Briggs of New Hampshire patents a washing machine
1799 New York State abolished slavery
1804 Ohio passed law restricting movement of Blacks
1845 Mexico drops diplomatic relations with US 
1854 During the Crimean War, Britain & France declare war on Russia
1866 1st ambulance goes into service 
1885 US Salvation Army officially organized 
1917 Jews are expelled from Tel Aviv & Jaffa by Turkish authorities 
1935 Goddard uses gyroscopes to control a rocket
1939 Dutch hunter shoots English bombers down 
1939 Spanish Civil War ends, Madrid falls to Francisco Franco 
1941 Sea battle at Cape Matapan: British fleet under Cunningham defeats Italy
1942 234 RAF bombers attack Lübeck
1994 Italy's right-wing alliance under Silvio Berlusconi wins election 
1995 World's largest banks-Japan's Mitsubishi Bank & Bank of Tokyo merge 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. --- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
A blind farmer was often taken for a walk in the fields by a kind neighbor. However kindly the neighbor might have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a bull charged towards them one day, he abandoned the blind man. The bull, puzzled by a lack of fear, nudged the blind farmer in the back. The farmer turned very quickly, caught the bull by the horns and threw him to the ground with a thump that left it breathless. "Goodness!" said the neighbor, "I never knew you were so strong." "I owe it all to faith," said the blind farmer. "And if I could have got that fella off the handlebars of his bike, I'd have thrashed him good and properly."
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

>From Brent Last week my wife and I purchased a new computer. We ran into some difficulties while setting it up so we decided to call the customer support phone number we found in the manual. I picked up the phone and called the number. A man answered the phone and I explained the problem to him. He began rattling off computer jargon. This confused us even more. "Sir," I said politely, "Can you explain what I should do as if I were a small child?" "Okay," the computer support guy said, "Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Michael Gorneau, 46 Man pocket dials 911 while stealing A Connecticut man accidentally called 911 on his cell phone while he was allegedly stealing 700 pounds of scrap metal from a local business Thursday. Police initially thought the call was a medical emergency, since they could only hear rustling in the background before the call disconnected, according to Southington Patch. But once identified the caller's location using GPS, they arrived at the scene to find Michael Gorneau, 46, had transferred the metal from a local business's dumpster into his pick-up truck. Gorneau accidentally called 911 while crawling under a fence, police told Southington Patch. They initially thought the call might be a medical emergency, since they could only hear rustling in the background. The metal belonged to a company that makes metal doors, NBC Connecticut reported. Far from being trash, it's generally sold to help pay for the employees' benefits. Gorneau was charged with third-degree trespassing and sixth-degree larceny larceny. He was released from jail on $5,000 bond, and is scheduled to appear in court on April 2.
Tech Support Pits: From: Bill Re: How much memory for XP ? Dear Webby, One of my home computers is a Dell running Windows XP Professional. I have 1G memory. Browsers seem to crash fairly often, Firefox and Chrome. I suspect they run into memory problems when several tabs, not many, are open. Before I get more memory, I wonder if the rather massive number of things that load at start-up might be a problem, Since I don't know what they all do. Is there somewhere I can find out what is essential and what I can forgo? I am sending this message using Netscape Navigator 9 which seems not to have that problem. -- Wm W. P. Dear Bill 1 GB is not really enough for nowadays. Be a big spender and get another MB. To sort out what starts up I use StartupCop from PC Magazine. It costs $8, but is well worth it. It lets you disable unwanted stuff and does a fair job explaining what each item does. You should still get that second MB of RAM from DELL or TigerDirect, but StartupCop will help to eliminate unwanted or obsolete stuff and generally clean things up. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances. One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going idiot! Now our boat is the only urinal for 500 miles around!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Paper Towel Rolls for Seedlings I save the cardboard centers from toilet paper. These are excellent for starting seeds for my garden in the early spring. When the conditions are right for planting, I simply plant seedling in its cardboard core. By Judi S. from Six Mile, SC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Paddy and Mick were nailing up the side of a wooden house. Mick noticed that Paddy was examining the nails and throwing away every second and third. ”What's wrong with the nails?” he asked. ”Sure the heads are at the wrong end.” ”You are stupid you idiot, can't you see they are for the other side of the house?”
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Finnegan’s wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning him. "Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant. "Yes, of course she did." "Well, what did she say?" "She spoke without interruption for about forty years," said Finnegan. "I stopped listening twenty years ago."
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Low volume on some VOIP calls 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, March 27

Thank you, Neil!

Today in 
1513 Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de León sights Florida 
1713 Spain loses Menorca & Gibraltar 
1790 The shoelace invented 
1794 Congress authorizes the President "to provide a naval armament" (US Navy) 
1841 1st US steam fire engine tested, New York NY 
1849 Joseph Couch patents steam-powered percussion rock drill 
1860 M L Byrn patents "covered gimlet screw with a 'T' handle" (corkscrew) 
1866 Andrew Rankin patents the urinal 
1879 Longest championship fight (136 rounds) 
1924 Canada recognizes USSR
1941 Britain leases defense bases in Trinidad to US for 99 years
1942 Japan forces Java to use "Tokyo time" 1½ hour forward 
1945 Iwo Jima occupied, after 22,000 Japanese & 6,000 US killed 
1950 Netherlands recognizes People's Republic of China
1958 Havana Hilton opens
1964 Earthquake strikes Anchorage AK, 9.2 on Richter scale, 
131 die from earthquake and resulting tsunami; 
this is the most violent eathquake in US history 
1964 UN troops arrive on Cyprus
1966 Anti Vietnam war demonstrations in US, Europe & Australia 
1980 Mount St Helens becomes active after 123 years
1997 39 cult members in California commit mass suicide (Hale-Bopp) 
In 2012  smiled

That was Secretary of State Seward who bought Alaska and the 
Aleutian Islands in 1867.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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The easiest way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. --- Oscar Wilde I used to be pure as the New Fallen Snow - but I drifted --- Mae West Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. --- Robert Frost
Driving to a new restaurant, Judy took several wrong turns. When she finally found the right road, she asked her husband, "Why didn't you tell me I was lost?" "I thought you knew where you were going," he replied. "You always know where I'm supposd to be going when I'm driving."
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

Although born to a Catholic family, Chester had always wanted to be Jewish. As a senior in college, he decided to take the plunge and go through the formal conversion process. He studied Judaism all semester. Finally, he felt he was ready to take the test and complete the conversion. On the appointed day, he arrived at the Rabbi's office, ready to begin. The Rabbi said, "I'm sorry, but before I give you the test, I must discuss my fee, It's $5,000." "$5,000!" exclaimed Chester, "That's a lot of money. How about $500?" "Congratulations, you pass." said the Rabbi.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jeffrey Sevigny, 49 of Pembroke, Mass Drunk driving with a Bobcat is third DUI A 49-year-old Pembroke man is facing his third drunken driving charge after neighbors said they saw him doing “doughnuts” while driving a Bobcat tractor on one of the town’s main roads. Jeffrey Sevigny of 72 Mill St. was arraigned Thursday in Plymouth District Court and was being held on $2,500 cash bail. He was charged with third-offense drunken driving, driving with a suspended license as a subsequent offense and negligent driving. Witnesses told police they saw Sevigny riding a Bobcat tractor on Center Street and Mill Street at about 8 p.m. Wednesday. It is illegal to operate tractors on public roads, Pembroke police Lt. Mike Jenness said. Witnesses told police they saw Sevigny doing “doughnuts”, circular maneuvers that leave skid marks on the road, near Tubbs Meadow. Police said they saw Sevigny driving the tractor onto a dirt area off the road. Authorities saw wheel marks left by the tractor on Center and Mill streets, Jenness said. Police said they could smell alcohol on Sevigny’s breath. No field sobriety tests were conducted because the driver was too drunk, Jenness said. Sevigny is due back in court April 20.
Tech Support Pits: From: Kevin Re: voice volume on VOIP Dear Webby, I have had Voice Over IP for my phone for almost a year and have been reasonably happy with it. Lately I noticed that with some people I have a rela problem hearing them. Not all, but especially with sales people the volume seems to be really low. Is that due to VOIP ? Thanks Kevin Dear Kevin Since you can hear some people normally, the problem is most likely just lazy people using a speakerphone and not talking directly at it. Insist on talking to the manager or owner of that business, and complain. The alternative is to switch to a supplier, where they care enough about their customers to use head-sets or regular phones, or at least talk directly at a speakerphone. With incoming calls I am quite fussy. If the volume is too low, or the background noise sounds like a laundromat or a call center in Pakistan, I put the phone down, and let them listen to my radio until they hang up. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now, ma'am? Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shelf Liner for Wobbly Sewing Machine Another use for rubber shelf liner is to place a scrap piece under your sewing machine. This is handy and keeps my sewing machine from moving while I'm using it. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Bob for this one: It was moving day. The previous owners were going to finish moving out that morning, and we were going to start moving in that afternoon. We showed up just as they were finishing up, around lunchtime. The couple was sitting down for a breather before they left. The wife suggested to her husband that they go to McDonald's for lunch. She told us with guilty pleasure, "I know it's not good for me, but I just love burgers and fries." Her husband had a somewhat disgusted look on his face. He told us, in all seriousness, "Not me. I'm a meat and potatoes man."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
It is said that when you tell an Englishman a joke, he will laugh three times. First - when you tell it, to be polite. Second - when you explain it, to be polite. And third - in the middle of the night when he wakes up and finally gets it. When you tell an Irishman the same joke, he will laugh twice. First - when you tell it, to be polite, even if he was the one who told you the joke last week. And second - when he tells it to you again next week. When you tell an American the same joke he won't laugh at all. Instead he will say, "It's an old joke. The Irishman told it to me last week."
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Obama Volt 2012 







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Is a firewall really necessary? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, March 26

Thank you, Larry!

Today in 
1668 England takes control of Bombay India 
1799 Napolean captures Jaffa Palestine
1804 Congress orders removal of Indians east of Mississippi to Louisiana
1804 Territory of Orleans organized in Louisiana Purchase 
1812 Earthquake destroys 90% of Caracas; about 20,000 die 
1859 1st sighting of Vulcan, a planet thought to orbit inside Mercury 
1885 Louis Riel's forces defeat Canadian forces at Duck Lake, Saskatchewan 
1910 US forbid immigration to criminals, anarchists, paupers & the sick 
1934 Driving tests introduced in Britain 
1937 Spinach growers of Crystal City TX, erect statue of Popeye
1944 705 British bombers attack Essen 
1945 Japanese resistance ends on Iwo Jima
1945 Kamikazes attack US battle fleet near Kerama Retto 

In Alaska, today is Seward Day to comemorate President Seward 
buying Alaska and the Aleutian Islands in 1867.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"I had general anesthesia for my surgery. It's so weird. You go to sleep in one room and then wake up four hours later in a totally different room. Just like in college." --- Ross Shafer "What's the first thing a little girl wants when she gets a new bike? A basket--she's prepared to shop. What's the first thing a boy wants on his bike? A bell or horn--he's prepared for traffic. "What's the first toy a little girl wants? A doll--she's prepared to shop with friends. What's the first toy a little boy wants? A gun--he's prepared for traffic." --- Jason Chase
One way to make your old car run better is to look up the price of a new model.
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

Uncle Jon was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his four-year-old Great Nephew, James, standing at the fence, wide-eyed and soaking in the whole event. Uncle Jon thought to himself: "Great, now I'm gonna have to explain the 'birds and bees' to him. Well, no need to jump the gun. I'll just wait and see if he has any questions, and I'll just answer them as best I can." After Uncle Jon finished helping the cow with her birthing, he walked over to James and asked him: "Do you have any questions about what you seen here tonight?" "Just one," the little boy whispered, eyes still wide with wonder. "How fast was that calf going when he hit the cow?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Brian Allee, 29 Jailed After Shooting Up Heroin In Front Of Son's School, With Crying Baby In Back Seat Sheboygan, Wis. (The Weekly Vice) - Brian Allee, a 29-year-old Wisconsin man was jailed Wednesday after he allegedly injected heroin while waiting in a car in front of his son's school. An 8-month-old baby was found crying in the back seat. According to Sheboygan police, officers were dispatched to Cooper Elementary School after Allee's six-year-old son found his father passed out in a car outside of his school. The child ran back into the school crying "I can't wake Daddy up." Investigators say a teacher went out to the car, which was still running, and was unable to wake Allee. A syringe was found in Allee's hand while an 8-month-old baby cried in the back seat. Arriving officers searched the car and found six foil squares of heroin, a cigarette lighter and a burned spoon that was coated with heroin residue. Needle marks were found on Allee's arm, including one mark that was still bleeding. Allee was transported to Sheboygan Memorial Hospital where he was treated and tested for drug abuse. He was taken into custody soon afterward. Allee was booked into jail and charged with child neglect and possession of drug paraphernalia.
Tech Support Pits: From: Beat Re: Is a firewall necessary? Dear Webby, Is a firewall necessary for a computer that is only used for an hour or so every day? Beat Dear Beat Yes, it is. They did a test with a thousand brand new computers and they were attacked on the average within 14 minutes. If you don't think a good firewall like McAfee is justified in your case, get a free one like ZoneAlarm. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A young Jewish lad entered Notre Dame to play football. At the end of the season, he returned home. As luck would have it, he ran into his Rabbi at the airport. The rabbi asked, "Are they trying to convert you at South Bend?" The youngster said, "Of course not, Father!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Flavored Drinks with Soda Water Use carbonated spring water, which is available cheaply from chains like Asda (Walmart in US), to make up orangeade, lemonade, etc. This enables you to have a wide choice of fizzy drinks without either buying big bottles of pop which go flat quickly, or individual cans/bottles which cost more. By Verity Eileen from Norfolk, UK Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A guy with a speech impediment goes into a nut shop, and the first thing he notices is that the guy behind the counter has the largest nose he's ever seen in his life. The tongue-tied guy quickly turns his attention to the merchandise and asks... "ess-tues me ser?" "Yes sir" replied the clerk. "Tould you tale me how mutsh youre pisstasheos arr?" "Pistachio's? They're six dollars a pound." "SSit!" The tongue-tied guy goes back to browsing, and then asks "welp, how mutsh arr youre aahhmons?" "Almonds? They're seven fifty a pound." "SSIT!" Replied the tongue-tied man. "Welp, how bout youre pikanns?" "Pecans? They're on sale today...they're only four fifty a pound." "Welp...SSit.. just div me a poulnd of dose dhen." "Alrighty then," Says the clerk, and begins bagging up a pound of pecans. Then the tongue-tied guy says to the clerk, "Sirr, I just wana tay tank you fo not maken phun of de way I talk, cauz I tan't hep it." The clerk replies with a smile "Oh sir, you don't have to thank me for that... I don't make fun of anybody, for any thing! I don't know if you noticed or not, but I have a rather large nose." The tongue-tied guy replies, "Oh, is dat your noze? I tought dat wuz your dick, your nutz arr so damn high!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two guys were discussing life in general over drinks one night. "My grandfather lived to be 96." "Ninety-six? What finally got him? "Liquor and women." "Well, that just goes to show ya," snickered the one guy, "both will get you in the end." "Well actually, no, it's not what ya think. Towards the end, Grandpa couldn't get either one, so he just laid down and died."
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The Rules of Bureaucracy 

1. Preserve thyself.

2. It is easier to fix the blame than to fix the problem.

3. A penny saved is an oversight.

4. Information deteriorates upward.

5. The first 90% of the task takes 90% of the time; the last 10% takes the other 90%.

6. Experience is what you get just after you need it.

7. For any given large, complex, hard to understand, expensive problem, there exists at least one short, simple, easy, cheap wrong answer.

8. Anything that can be changed will be, until time runs out.

9. To err is human; to shrug is service.

10. There's never enough time to do it right, but there's always enough time to do it over.





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How to stop Internet Explorer from locking up on Windows 7 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, March 25

Thank you, Maggie!
Thank you Jim!

Today in 
0421 City of Venice founded 
1306 Robert the Bruce crowned king of Scotland 
1634 Lord Baltimore founded Catholic colony of Maryland 
1669 Mount Etna in Sicily erupts, destroying Nicolosi, killing 20,000
1774 English Parliament passes Boston Port Bill 
1807 British Parliament abolishes slave trade 
1813 1st US flag flown in battle on the Pacific, frigate Essex 
1821 Greece gains independence from Turkey
1896 Modern Olympics begin in Athens Greece
1905 Rebel battle flags captured during war are returned to South 
1955 East Germany granted full sovereignty by occupying power, USSR 
1961 Elvis Presley performs live on the USS Arizona
2012  smiled.

Today was new year;s Day in England from 1155 to 1752

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

One of the most obvious facts about grownups to a child is that they have forgotten what it is like to be a child. --- Randall Jarrell Write a wise saying and your name will live forever. --- Anonymous If you cannot convince them, confuse them. -- Harry S Truman I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. --- Mae West "Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use." ---Wendell Johnson
It was very crowded at the supermarket, and the customer in front of me had a large order. As the harried-looking clerk lifted the final bag for her, its bottom gave way, sending the contents crashing to the floor. "They just don't make these bags like they used to," the clerk blurted to the customer. "That was supposed to happen in your driveway!"
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

Re yesterday's joke, that ended with... "I sure did," said the wife. "I wrote him a check." Bill wrote to tell us that he heard that hell has lots of banks.
Click through for the large version. Palmira
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Suspect pulls down girlfriend's shirt, bra and accuses deputy Charles Michael Trichell and his girlfriend Shantele Arlene Gunter were arrested by Ouachita Parish Sheriff’s Office deputies Sunday when they returned to a West Monroe nightclub after being told to leave and not to come back. While in the back of the patrol car on the way to Ouachita Correctional Center, Trichell reportedly got out of the handcuffs and pulled down his girlfriend’s shirt and bra. OPSO reported that at OCC Trichell accused the deputy of pulling down her clothes and would lose his job. When deputies tried to handcuff him again, Trichell resisted, causing a struggle. Trichell continued to threaten and curse the deputy. The arrest report stated suspected marijuana was found in the seat where Trichell was sitting. A female deputy pulled Gunter’s clothes back up. The arrest affidavit stated OPSO told the couple to leave the Western Club only to be called back because Trichell and Gunter had returned. The first time they left, Trichell was carrying a case of beer. When deputies came back the beer was broken in the street and Trichell was cursing the complainant. Gunter, 29, 903 Dye St., Oak Grove, was charged with criminal trespassing and disturbing the peace. She posted a $400 bond and was released. Trichell, 26, of the same address, was charged with disturbing the peace, criminal trespasing public intimidation, resisting by violence, littering and possession of marijuana. He posted an $8,850 bond and was released.
Tech Support Pits: From: Fran Re: IE crashing Dear Webby, My Internet Explorer keeps locking up, sometimes so bad, that I have to reboot. Yes, I am using Blonde Windows, and I do regret not listening to you. Is there a way ti stop Internet Explorer from locking up all the time? Thanks Fran Dear Fran It is not just Internet Explorer. FireFox locks up too, though not nearly as often. To reduce that problem, open a text editor and paste the URL's of sites, that you want to go back to later, with a comment about why you should go back there. Then close that tab. Try to keep the tabs in use to less than twenty, preferably less than ten. Worst are pages, that auto-update every so often, to give you up to the minute news or weather or whatever. If you have been quietly reading or writing, and not really using the net, then most likely your ISP allocated your bandwidth to somebody, who is busy downloading music or porn. You will get your bandwidth and speed back, soon, but not instantly. If a page tells the browser to refresh every minute or every 5 minutes, it tries to do that. Internet Explorer tries so frantically, that it knocks itself out, if a lot of the resources are reserved for tabs or something else. FireFox is a lot more graceful about that, and generally does not knock itself out, if you have less than 20 tabs open. Naturally, if you have a graphics program open at the same time, and the last 50 large high-resolution pictures that you snagged from DropBox or some PPS, still open, then you don't really have enough free memory to safely operate a browser. Any browser. Have FUN! DearWebby
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On the way to the bakery I saw some kids playing "Wedding". The bride's gown was a yellow shower curtain, gathered at the waist with a piece of red garden hose, and the curtain trailing way behind her. Her veil was mosquito netting, topped by a blue cop car bubble as a tiara. The groom was attired in a grey lab coat with a charcoal black piece of truck tire innertube as a wide cummerbund belt. His coat trailed a bit too, but did not quite hide the fact that instead of to a traditional ball and chain, his leg was chained to a tricycle. The mother-in-law carried the traditional rolling pin but the father-in-law had a plastic space ray look water gun instead of the traditional shotgun. The preacher was wearing a white bath robe backwards and a trucker style cap, also backwards. Just as I was walking past them, I heard the preacher sing out: "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be held against you, forever and ever. If you want to kiss the bride, you better have an attorney present."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Put Leftover Ice in House Plants This is a little tip for people who like conserving energy and water. When there is ice left in the glasses after a meal, I always pop them altogether and then put that ice into the house plants rather just throw it down the drain. It is a shame to have used the electricity to make the cubes and then just throw them all away. Saves a bit of fresh water too! By Maura from New York, NY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
My friend Eric, the manager of a grocery store, nabbed a shoplifter in the act. He was escorting the suspect to the office in the front of the store (near the cash registers), when the shoplifter broke from his grip and tried to run away. After a roundhouse swing that connected with a solid thud, Eric slammed him against the wall pinned him there. When he looked up, he saw a number of surprised and concerned customers staring at him. "Everything's fine, Folks," he reassured them. "This guy just tried to go through the express line with more than ten items. The cops will pick him up as soon as they can get here." I have a hunch those people will count their items VERY carefully in the future.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Carol In 1856, Heinrich Heine, the German poet, left everything to his wife on the condition that she remarried "so that there will be at least one man to regret my death."
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Five Rules To Remember In Life: 

1. Money cannot buy happiness, but its more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastard's name.
3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
5. Trying to debate with Obama voters is like trying to pick up a turd by its clean end.






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Some Useful Condescending Phrases 

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

No, my powers can only be used for good.

How about never? Is never good for you?

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

Who me? I just wander from room to room.

My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.




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CPU Speed 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, March 24
More snow! 
Personally, I'd be ready for a bit of that promised 
Gullible Warming instead of the hostile, icy wind while
I went for my walk in the evening.

Thank you, Maggie!
Thank you Jim!

Today in 
1801 Aleksandr P Romanov becomes emperor of Russia 
1832 Mormon Joseph Smith beaten, tarred & feathered in Ohio
1837 Canada gives blacks the right to vote 
1882 German scientist Robert Koch discovers bacillus cause of TB 
1898 1st US automobile sold
1944 811 British bombers attack Berlin 
1945 Largest one-day airborne drop, 600 transports & 1300 gliders 
1955 British Army patrols withdraw from Belfast after 20 years 
1958 Elvis Presley joins the army
1965 US Ranger 9 strikes Moon
1972 Great Britain imposes direct rule over Northern Ireland 
1982 US sub Jacksonville collides with a Turkish freighter near Virginia 
1986 US & Libya clash in Gulf of Sidra 
1989 Worst US oil spill, Exxon's Valdez spills 11.3 million gallons off Alaska 
1990 Indian troops leave Sri Lanka 
2012  smiled.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It is not worth an intelligent man's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that. --- G. H. Hardy I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it. --- Edith Sitwell Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.... --- Carl Zwanzig
Nine year was asked by his mother what had been taught in Sunday school. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then, he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved." "Now, , is that really what your teacher told you?" the mother asked. "Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money and was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. Because I wanna take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!' She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. Her friend said, "I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with that man." She replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was gonna put that money in that casket with him." "You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with that man?" "I sure did," said the wife. "I wrote him a check."
Click through for the large version. House of the gods, Venezuela
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jailed After Calling 911 Because Wife Was Sitting Next To Him Wesley Chapel, Florida - Doyle Hardwick, a 57-year-old Florida man was jailed Tuesday after he allegedly called 911 to complain that his wife wouldn't stop sitting next to him. According to police, Doyle Hardwick became increasingly irritated when he wanted to check his Facebook profile in peace, however his wife, Julie Hardwick, refused to leave him alone. Investigators say Doyle first gave his wife a beer, hoping it would make her drowsy enough to fall asleep. Instead, his wife continued to sit next to him so that she could watch him browse the Internet and visit his Facebook profile. Doyle called 911 to complain. Officers arrived at the couple's home and noted in the report that both parties were calm and no emergency existed. Doyle Hardwick was arrested and pleaded no contest to a charge of misusing 911. He was sentenced to 60 days in jail. A warrant was issued for his arrest when he failed to report to jail to serve his sentence. He turned himself in on Tuesday. Doyle Hardwick has previous arrests for carrying a concealed weapon, misuse of 911, trespassing after warning and probation violation. Julie Hardwick was not arrested over the incident but has been previously arrested for theft of utilities.
Tech Support Pits: From: Bill Re: CPU speed Dear Webby, I need to know the basic CPU speed of my computer. Thanks Bill Dear Bill Just download the Belarc Advisor from http://webby.com/tools.html It will do a complete inventory of what is in your machine and make a nice, printable report, a good idea before sending the macine for repair or lending it to anybody. It is also great for insurance purposes. Holding down the Windows key and hitting PAUSE, will give you a page with some basic information too. Have FUN! DearWebby
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There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn't know what Johnny's problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him. They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and Johnny would always take the nickel (they said) because it was bigger. One day after Johnny grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?" With a big grin on his face, Johnny slowly turned toward the store owner. "Well," he answered, "If I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've saved $20!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Refurbishing A Faded Patio Umbrella My community has recycling once a month. It is amazing the things you can find that people are throwing out. For example, our deck table needed an umbrella and someone threw one out. It was faded but otherwise in pretty good shape. I decided to spray paint it using an indoor/outdoor paint that is good for wood, metal, and more. I worked perfectly and I have had no problems with the paint running or fading. By LoracMc from IA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
From Belinda: It was our second anniversary, and my husband sent me flowers at the office. He told the florist to write "Happy Anniversary, Year Number 2" on the card. I was thrilled with the flowers, but not so pleased with the card. It read "Happy Anniversary. You're Number 2."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Mr. Smith was a traveling salesman and frequent flyer, so he was always very, VERY careful to mark his luggage so that no one would mistakenly take his bags. He always did this with bright ribbons and tape, so he was quite surprised to see his bags grabbed by a well dressed man when he got to the luggage carousel. Mr. Smith walked over to the fellow and pointed out the colored ribbons tied to the handle, and the fluorescent tape on the sides. "I believe that luggage is mine. Were your bags marked like this?" he asked. "Actually," the man replied, "I was wondering who did this to my luggage." --------------------- My DearWebby business cards have my mugshot on them. I have epoxied them onto every side of every piece of my laggage, computer and camera for the last twenty years. None of those have ever been taken by anybody else.
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Are PHP files dangerous? 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, March 16
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Woke up to 10 cm (4") of snow!
I bet, that changed a few people's plans!

Vision in my right eye has returned to nearly the same as
it was before the injection, with the left one vision is like
through a glass of lemonade. 

Reading printed stuff is currently impossible, but luckily 
just about anythin on the web can be zoomed.

I read about the terrorist in France, who seems to be a 
two bit crook, who has been rejected by the French military, 
the French Foreign Legion, Pakistan and even Afghanistan.
He has once ben arrested and deported by Afghanistan 
back to France. That takes a very special kind of idiot!

What puzzles me is that the French Government has the 
terrorist surrounded with "hundreds of police and soldiers",
and the media is giving the cowardly loser all kinds of 
publicity. Why?

President Sarkozy, who seems to be leaning towards the far
right law and order parties in the current election campaign,
is getting about as much publicity as the terrorist. 

Like probably most of you, I can't see why they are negotiating 
with the terrorist.

Happy Birthday to Dianne, the lady who sends the Bonus links
every day. She is 29 and a bit today.

Today in 
1153 Treaty of Konstanz between Frederik I "Barbarossa" & Pope Eugene III 
1657 France & England form alliance against Spain; England gets Dunkirk 
1775 Patrick Henry proclaims "Give me liberty or give me death" 
1806 Lewis & Clark reach Pacific coast 
1808 Napoleon's brother Joseph takes the throne of Spain 
1836 Coin Press invented by Franklin Beale 
1840 Draper takes 1st successful photo of the Moon
1858 Streetcar patented (Eleazer A Gardner of Philadelphia)
1861 London's 1st tramcars, designed by Mr Train of New York, begins operating 
1889 President Harrison opens Oklahoma for white colonization
1903 Wright brothers obtain airplane patent 
1910 1st race at Los Angeles Motordrome (1st US auto speedway) 
1912 Dixie Cup invented 
1918 Lithuania proclaims independence
1919 Benito Mussolini forms Fascist movement in Milan Italy
1919 Moscow's Politburo/Central Committee forms 
1929 1st telephone installed in White House 
1942 US move native-born of Japanese ancestry into concentration camps
1944 Nicholas Alkemade falls 5,500 meter without a parachute & lives  
1945 Largest operation in Pacific war, 1,500 US Navy ships 
    shell and bomb Okinawa. That must have been noisy! 
1957 US army sells last homing pigeons 
1972 Evil Knievel breaks 93 bones after successfully clearing 35 cars 
1980 Shah of Iran arrives in Egypt 
1987 US offers military protection to Kuwaiti ships in the Persian Gulf 
1994 Wayne Gretzky sets NHL record with 802 goals scored 
2012  smiled.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. --- John Wilmont, Earl of Rochester Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. --- Nick Diamos
Bob was playing golf with our town's fire chief when he hit a ball into the rough. As he headed for the brush to find his ball, the chief warned him, "Be careful, the rattlesnakes are out." The chief explained that calls had been coming in all week asking for assistance with removing the snakes. "You've got to be kidding," was the astonished reply. "People actually call the fire department to help them with rattlesnakes? What do you say to them?" "Well," said the chief, "the first thing I ask is, 'Is the snake on fire?'"
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

Thanks to Dianne for this story: When I was a child my family used to sometimes take our vacations in British Columbia. We had a favorite place to visit, mostly because of the fine fishing. It was at a Lake that was about 30 miles long and a 1/2 mile wide. While we were around our campfire in the evening the local Indians would go from camp to camp selling their wares. They would also tell of the legends of the area. This one legend always stuck in my mind. It seemed that on this particular Lake two Indian Tribes made their homes. They were, however, at war with one another from years before. There was an Indian maiden in one camp who was in love with a young brave in the other camp. They used to stand, on the shore, each on their respective side of the lake, and chant Indian love calls to each other... even though they were warned by their chiefs that nothing could ever come of it. One day they just could not stand being apart any longer. That evening, on a cold spring night, they each jumped into the lake and swam towards each other in the moonlight. When they reached each other in the center of the lake, they embraced and got a bit carried away. They lost track of time, got hypothermia and drowned. This act so impressed the brave's tribe that they named the lake after the young man. I will never forget those wonderful vacations that we spent at "Lake Stupid".
Thanks to Lillemor for her orchid: Click through for the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Lori Anne Sedlacek Becicka, 47 in Oxford, Iowa Teen Calls 911, Reports Mom As Drunk Driver MARCH 16--An Iowa woman was arrested for drunk driving last night after her 15-year-old daughter--who was a passenger in her mother’s car--called 911 to contemporaneously report that her parent was “impaired” behind the wheel. As a result, cops busted Lori Anne Sedlacek Becicka, a 47-year-old Oxford resident, for operating a vehicle under the influence, child endangerment, and resisting arrest, all misdemeanors. According to District Court criminal complaints, Becicka’s daughter, “who was in the car with her,” called 911 to “report defendant was impaired and driving.” A Johnson County Sheriff’s Office deputy subsequently contacted Becicka after she pulled her vehicle into a parking lot. Becicka, the cop reported, “smelled heavily of ingested alcohol. Her speech was slurred. Her eyes were bloodshot and watery.” The wobbly Becicka copped to drinking and failed a series of field sobriety tests. Additionally, a Breathalyzer test recorded her blood alcohol level at .235, nearly three times the state limit. Becicka’s daughter told Deputy Matt Hendricks that her mother “was even consuming while driving with her in the car.” The investigator reported discovering “open containers in the car.” Becicka was booked into the county jail following her 8:10 PM arrest.
Tech Support Pits: From: Clyde Re: PHP files Dear Webby I always start the day by viewing your Humor Letter. Nothing like starting the day right. I had to restore my old XP computer last year and had the files transferred to a new Windows 7 machine. In the restoration, I lost all the programs on the XP machine. I find I have some odd extensions on some files like .php and .mhp that will no longer open. When I go online, there are programs that I can download that supposedly will open or convert these files. I am afraid to downloading anything like that. Can you recommend any specific ones or ones to avoid? Clyde Dear Clyde PHP is a programming language. A PHP file CAN be OK, but it also CAN be extremely destructive. The only way to tell is to learm PHP, and look at those files in editing mode. You CAN safely look at them with a plain text or HTML editor, but unless you understand PHP, you won't be able to tell if the file is safe to run, or even keep on your machine. Unless one of those files is something, that you desperately need, I would recommend to dump them. Since you have managed fine without them, unless you want to risk losing the current machine like you lost the XP, I would recommend to dump them. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A bride called to make a change to her wedding registry. It is common, almost expected, that a bride will change some- thing on her registry at least once (dishes, color of towels, etc.). The Customer Service Rep told her that J.C. Penney would be happy to make the change. He asked if the bride wanted to change the dishes or the linens or the crystal... The bride said, "No, no, keep all that. I just want to change the name of the groom."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Fitted Bassinet Sheet to Keep Car Seat Cool Here's an a-ha use for a white fitted bassinet sheet your child has outgrown: cover her dark car seat with it, while the car is parked, to keep it cool! A bassinet sheet fits nicely over a bigger kid's seat. I've googled for this and didn't find anything, which surprises me. By Gapotter from Raleigh, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A high school senior saw an inspirational advertisement on television about becoming a teacher. She called the number shown: 1-800-45TEACH. After a woman answered, the student babbled on about how she thought she had found her life's calling and could she send her some information. The lady who answered the phone asked the student what number she was calling. The student told her and there was a pause. Then she said, "You misspelled TEACH."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Matt for this story: How can you talk your way out of this one? Jacksonville, FL Police Dept. A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says no -- he only lives a mile away. About five blocks from party, the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house just a block away. The police tell the party animal to stay put, they will be right back and they hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery. The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day. Some time later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. Smith is there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day. The police have his driver's license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage. She opens the door. There sitting in the garage is the police car, with all its lights still flashing.
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Bastards! 

The bastards have started again...
I had two Leaf Tickets lying on the dash of my truck,
some asshole broke in and left two more;
lock your car doors!




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