Lies? 


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Scottland's Independence party won, is separation imminent? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, May 9

Did anybody notice, that the SNP, the Independence Party in 
Scottland, won by a land slide?
Huh ?
Scottland ?
Yes, Scottland. 
While everybody was busy with the royal wedding, and White House 
forgeries and Bin Laden, Scottland had an election.

I wouldn't panic yet about Scottland separating and rebuilding 
Hadrian's Wall. Mainly they just want to keep 100 % of
the money from the North Sea Oil, be in charge of their
taxes, especially corporate taxes, and fisheries rules and
regulation, of course. 

The plan is to stay in the monarchy and keep the queen,
and let England take care of defense, plus medical and welfare, 
of course. Eventually they want to be an equal partner to 
Britain in the EU, but until they can recruit or train enough
multilingual people for ambassador jobs, they plan to let
England take care of foreign politics.

The whole thing sounds like a spoof, but they are dead serious!
And they won the election! 

Actually, the SNP won mainly because people were fed up with 
the left wing parties, so they stomped over to the redneck 
right-wing SNP. 

According to the polls, only aboot 25% of the Scotts would
actually get serious aboot considering a separation. 

However, 100% of them definitely want to rattle the Limey's
chains and use the threat of separation as a bargaining tool
for trying to get the North Sea oil and gas money. 
That is BIG money, and the Scotts are dead serious aboot it.

You won't read about it in the Enemy Times or other left wing
media for a while yet, but you can read up on it here at the
Guardian.co.uk:
http://snipurl.com/scottishindependence

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. --- Robert Benchley I hope that while so many people are out smelling the flowers, someone is taking the time to plant some. --- Herbert Rappaport
Rev Ted's rousing sermons became a lot more peaceful after his wife switched his Viagra with Nyquil and Prozak
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As a professional clown, John entertains groups at parties and company picnics. Once, an inebriated guest began heckling him in the middle of a performance, disrupting his act. Trying to ignore him wasn't working, so he used a different tactic. Slipping his arm around his shoulder, John looked him in the eye and said, "Mister, I get paid to dress up and make a fool of myself - what's your excuse?"
Click through the picture to the large version. From dad, this morning's breakfast.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jennifer Poors, 25, in Bangor, Maine Bangor woman busted for stealing scented toilet paper holders BANGOR, Maine — A Bangor woman was arrested about noon Tuesday on charges of violating the conditions of her release from a prior arrest, unlawful possession of scheduled drugs and theft after she allegedly attempted to steal two scented toilet paper holders from a Family Dollar store. After her arrest, Jennifer Poors, 25, was taken to Penobscot County Jail, where she remained Tuesday night, Bangor police Sgt. Larry Weber said, citing an arrest report. According to the report, Poors attempted to shoplift the items by removing them from their packaging and concealing them in a sweatshirt pocket. The report indicated that the roll holders were valued at about $1, Weber said. Poors, the report said, was out on bail from an arrest in Hancock County, where she was charged in connection with the theft of drugs from her mother, Weber said. He said that at the time of her arrest Tuesday, she was in possession of six 20 milligram dicyclomine pills. Dicyclomine is used to treat the symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome by relieving muscle spasms in the gastrointestinal tract. It is not a narcotic, Stealing a pair of toilet paper holdrs, worth under a dollar, while on condiional release and carrying drugs, is definitely a boneheaded idea.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dianne Re: Osama Bin Laden viruses Dear Webby, what's the story about these Bin Laden viruses, that the FBI aparently warned about? Dianne Dear Dianne Nothing new, really. Scams and spams, claiming to have pictures of a dead Bin Laden, have been floating around the net for years. All the better Anti-Virus programs instantly recognize them and block or dump them. The only recent change is the gullibility index of the users, and the scammers focusing on popular topics. Naturally, common sense also helps. Always have the status bar reveal the underlying links of anything that you might click on. If a thumbnail links to a program instead of a picture or movie, get outa there! Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% legal and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Mother's Day gift, that will actually get used! I got some paper junkmail today from BELL, advertising their TV deal. Instead of a one time fee of under $30 for 3500 channels, BELL wants $35 EVERY MONTH for just 200 channels! BELL is really making Internet TV look good! Ideal last minute OR LATE Mother's Day Gift!

A housewife with four young daughters was getting dinner ready when the phone rang. The six-year-old picked it up and said, "Hi, Daddy!" and began telling him about her day. She then passed the phone to her next older sister as was the custom whenever Daddy called from work. When it was finally the wife's turn to talk she took the receiver and said, "Hi, hon." "Thank goodness, lady," the voice on the other end replied. "I just called to tell you that the wallpaper you ordered is here, but those girls think the phone goes one way only!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Warming Lamp for Cats Here in the Pacific Northwest, we have a lot of days with no sunshine. My cat loves to find a sunny spot and sleep. He looked so bored the other day that I put a kitty bed on my desk and swung the free arm desk lamp, which has a 75 watt bulb in it over the kitty bed. I set the lamp about two to three feet above the bed. Now every morning that the sun isn't out, he heads to the desk for his nap. The bulb produces enough warmth that he thinks he is sleeping in the sun, and he is much happier. By lizzyanny from Pacific Northwest http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The elementary school teacher was trying impress upon the seventh-grade history class how Native Americans must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers. "How would you feel," said she, "if someone showed up on your doorstep, who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore weird and unusual clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?" "Nah," one boy answered, "I'd figure it was my sister's date."
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A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role. "Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that now the customer is always wrong."

» Costly Homes in US






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IE9 versus FireFox 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, May 8

Happy Mother's Day !



Have FUN!
DearWebby



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Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand. --- Putt's Law Efficiency is getting the job done right. Effectiveness is getting the right job done. --- Socratex "Talent is a gift, but character is a choice." --- John C. Maxwell
Thanks to Judy for this one: Had to send you this true story: My niece has 4 kids and was breast feeding the baby when #3 child, Jack wanted to climb up into her lap. During the process he was using his elbows to push his way up and hit her other breast so she said: 'watch the elbows Jack'. When Grandmother came over later, Jack climbed up into her lap, patted her rather ample bosom and said 'I like your elbows, Grandma'. Needless to say, they will always be elbows to us from now on! Thanks for all the fun you send, Judy
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Two paramedics were dispatched to check on an elderly man who had become disoriented. They decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation. En route, with siren going, they questioned the man to determine his level of awareness. Leaning close, one asked, "Sir, do you know what we're doing right now?" The old man slowly looked out the ambulance window. "Oh," he replied, "I'd say about 50, 55 at the most."
Click through the picture to the large version. Happy Mother's Day !
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Daniel Augustus Jones Jr., 22 from Gainesville, Florida Forgetful pot dealer leaps through cop-car window A Gainesville man was arrested on charges of drug possession and resisting arrest after police say they found a bag of marijuana on him and that while taking him to jail he leapt from an open window of the patrol car. Gainesville Police Department officers said they found Daniel Augustus Jones Jr., 22, of 1239 SE 19th Terrace, standing in the middle of the intersection of Southeast 19th Street and 12th Avenue at about 4:30 p.m. on Wednesday, apparently wodering whether he was coming or going. The officers said Jones was visibly shaking and smelled of marijuana and that he refused their commands to stop when he began walking away from them. Officer Tony Ferro said Jones spontaneously told him, “I don't have any drugs on me,” and started to empty his backpack onto the street. Among the contents, officers said they spotted a plastic bag filled with about a quarter-pound of marijuana. As Ferro and Officer Anton Lipski tried to arrest Jones, they said he began fighting with them and was pepper sprayed before being put in the back of Ferro's patrol car. Jones asked to have the window rolled down so that he could get air. “I feared (Jones) would kick my patrol car window out, and I rolled the window down,” Ferro wrote in the arrest report. While the car was in motion and Jones was still handcuffed, he “dove out of the rear side window,” Jones wrote. Ferro said Jones had to be shot with a Taser stun gun because he continued to fight with officers after being tackled while handcuffed. Jones was taken to Shands at the University of Florida in handcuffs and shackles to be treated for cuts and bruises before being booked into the jail. Officers Ferro and Lipski also received minor cuts and scrapes. In addition to the marijuana, officers reported finding $172 and a digital scale in Jones' possession. While being questioned after his arrest, Jones told Ferro he “forgot he had the bag of weed.” Jones was charged with possession with intent to sell marijuana, possession of drug paraphernalia and resisting arrest with and without violence. Jones has served two state prison terms and was most recently released on Dec. 13, 2010. His sentences had been for convictions of burglary, trafficking in stolen property and dealing dugs within 1,000 feet of a school or day care.
From the Tech Support Pits: From Lori Re: Firefox vs IE9 Dear Webby, I currently have both Firefox 4 and ie 9 on my computer. I only use firefox 4, but several well-meaning idiots, I mean friends, insist I should be using ie 9. They claim it is better, faster, and more safe than firefox. When I have compared them on my computer using my internet connection (a faster type of dial-up, 54 mbps as of right now) firefox works faster and cleaner. What is your opinion? I am going to keep using firefox, but an unbiased opinion would be helpful. Lori PS I love your site and am glad you are feeling better. For walking, I wear a pair of knock-off tone up shoes. They have really helped my ankles. Just start slow when you start wearing them and work up to wearing them more. Dear Lori Your friends sound like a bunch of Yugo drivers, trying to pull you down to their level and limit you to their speed. Don't worry about it. Some of them may grow up yet. Since I don't need IE for anything, I still have IE6 on my machine. That one is reasonably stable, if ever the occasion arises to use IE. Normally, if a site demands that I use any certain browser, I go to a better site, that is up to standard. What are "knock-off tone up shoes"? Have you got a picture? Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% legal and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Mother's Day gift, that will actually get used! I got some paper junkmail today from BELL, advertising their TV deal. Instead of a one time fee of under $30 for 3500 channels, BELL wants $35 EVERY MONTH for just 200 channels! BELL is really making Internet TV look good! Ideal last minute Mother's Day Gift!

The husband didn't want to play in the "Couples Alternate Shot Tournament" at the club, but he reluctantly agreed just for the sake of martial harmony. He got the first shot. He teed off, a par four, and fired a drive 300 yard down the middle of the fairway. When they reached the ball, he said to his wife (a novice golfer), "Just hit it towards the green, hon, anywhere around there will be fine." She proceeded to knock the ball deep into the woods off to th left side. Undaunted, he said, "That's ok, dear, we'll play it." He spent five full minutes looking for the ball. He played it for the shot of his life and actually put the ball just two feet from the hole on the green. Arriving on the green he said, "Now, dear, all you have to do is knock it gently into the hole." She whacked it a good one, right off the green and into a sand trap. The husband, still retaining his composure, marched into the sand trap, summoned all of his skill, and amazingly holed the shot from there. Retrieving the ball from the hole he put his arm around his wife and calmly said, "Honey, that was a bogey -- one over par -- but that's ok. I think we can do better on the next hole." She snapped back at him, "Don't bitch at ME. Only *2* of those *FIVE* shots were mine!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Disposable Vacuum Bags I have an expensive vacuum cleaner that takes expensive bags. To save on buying new bags for my vacuum, I simply cut the bottom off the bag, empty it, and duct tape the bottom shut. Voila! I have a recycled vacuum cleaner bag. By Dee from Salem, VA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by an usher. The note read: "Bill Jones, having gone to sea, his wife requests the prayers of the congregation for his safety." Failing to observe the punctuation, he startled his audience by announcing: "Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Jean is a very nervous flyer. During a trip with United lately it didn't help that her connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after they were aloft, Jean noticed the lights began flickering. She mentioned this to a flight attendant. "I'll take care of it," the elderly stewardess said. Moments later the lights went out. Clearly she'd solved the problem by turning off the lights. A passenger across the aisle who had been listening leaned over and said, "Whatever you do, please don't sayanything about the engines."

» Lily Factor






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Camera Chip compatibility 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, May 7

Costco seems to be changing from a wholesale supplier to
businesses to family entertainment. I went there this evening 
to get a month's worth of prescription medicines, and was
really surprised at the amount of families shopping. I am 
talking about full families, from gramma to baby in a stroller!

The wide isles and huge shopping carts, originally intended
for harried restaurant owners stocking up for a week or
month, are just perfect for families casually strolling along 
from sample station to sample station, enjoying the treats,
and piling supplies onto the cart.

I also saw quite a few families that had a laptop or netbook 
along, and it was not mom or dad using it, but one of the kids,
calling out the next item needed, and also entering what
went onto the cart and announcing the total cost after each 
item was added. 

Thanks to the cathedral height noise swallowing ceiling, all of
that activity did not cause a mall style racket. The absence
of teen hordes naturally helped, but also the fact that 
people talked in hushed voices, as if they were in a church.

I only had very few items, and had to laugh at the notion of
looking for an Express lane. That is definitely NOT in their 
concept. One simply looks for the shortest line and joins it.

They have two or three people working each register, and
it actually goes quite fast. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. --- Tom Robbins Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Mike was explaining to Judy about when he'd been a kid he fell through the ice on the pond. He went all the way under. Several panicked minuted passed when Mike couldn't find the hole get out and he was running out of air quickly. Judi put her hand to her mouth and said, "Oh my God, did you get out??"
Learn Digital Photography Now Learn How To Quickly And Easily Start Taking Awesome Photos With Any Digital Camera, Even If You Are A Complete Newbie! This course will make a bigger difference than a new camera!

A young doctor had just opened office and felt really excited. His secretary told him a man was here to see him. The young doctor told her to send him in. Pretending to be a busy doctor, he picked up the phone just as the man came in. "Yes, that's right. The fee is $200. Yes, I'll expect you ten past two. Alright. No later. I'm a very busy man." He hung up and turned to the man waiting. "May I help you?" "No," said the man, "I just came in to connect the phone."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to three burglars in Clay, NY Cellphone 'pocket dials' 911 CLAY, N.Y. (AP) - An ill-timed, inadvertent 911 call led police to three larceny suspects overheard planning break-ins in upstate New York. Onondaga County Sheriff Kevin Walsh says police already looking for a suspicious person got the unlikely assist when one of the men "pocket dialed" his cellphone's emergency number while driving near the scene of an earlier heist. As a dispatcher relayed the conversation to deputies, the men discussed their plans, described their surroundings and even commented, "there go the cops now." Walsh says that was enough for a deputy to turn around and stop the Kia Sportage full of tools stolen from a business in the Syracuse suburb of Clay. The dispatcher then heard the driver being asked for his license and registration. The men arrested April 26 face grand larceny and stolen property charges.
From the Tech Support Pits: From Charles Re: Camera Chips for W7 Dear Webby, Windows 7 can handle camera chips larger than 2 GB with no problem. You will be surprised at what you can do, once you join the slow crowd! Charles Dear Charles XP can handle 4 and 8 GB chips too, but a lot of older chip readers and cameras have problems with those. So that you don't have to worry about compatibility when you travel or visit anybody, I usually recommend 2 GB chips. If you NEED bigger chips for recording movies, just make sure your chip reader can handle the chips that are bigger than 2 GB. Sometimes you just need a new driver, but you may have to get a new chip reader. Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% legal and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Mother's Day gift, that will actually get used! I got some paper junkmail today from BELL, advertising their TV deal. Instead of a one time fee of under $30 for 3500 channels, BELL wants $35 EVERY MONTH for just 200 channels! BELL is really making Internet TV look good!

An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. Last night I had an affair and made love to an 18-year-old girl. The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?" "Never Father, I'm Jewish." "Then why are you telling me?" "I'm telling everybody...."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Meat Thermometer For Paper Spike Recently, I inherited the task of organizing and cleaning the home of a lady who never threw anything out. I found a broken meat thermometer in the drawer and was going to toss it. Then, I thought, "Hmmm what could I do with that?" It hit me that it looked like an simple version of a paper spike from office desks of long ago. So, that is what it is now. My sample is just a post it, but you get the idea. I hope this helps to keep your paperwork straight and the landfill one less meat thermometer full. By Poor But Proud from Coos Bay, OR http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Old Ms Molly tripped on the stairs and broke her leg. The doctor put a cast on it and warned that she wasn't to use the stairs until the cast came off. Four months later he removed the cast and pronounced her well on the way to recovery. "Oh good," she responded. "Is it all right for me to walk the stairs now?" "Yes," said the doctor, "if you will promise to be careful." "I can't tell you what a relief it will be," she sighed. "It was such a nuisance crawling outside and shinnying up and down that drainpipe in the rain and snow all the time!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Leroy was telling his friend Bubba about the date he had the night before, "It was a bummer. She used four letter words all evening. First and definitely last time I take HER out!" Bubba exclaimed, "Really? I can't believe you didn't enjoy that." "Guess again," said Leroy, "All night she kept saying 'Quit', 'Stop', and 'Don't!....'"

» Rolling






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What size camera memory chip is ideal? 



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Good Morning,  !

It's Friday, May 6
Time to  wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Not smoking any more is slowly getting a bit easier. 
I am actually at the point, where it annoys me, when somebody 
borrows my car and leaves butts in the ash tray.
Three months ago I would not even have noticed that.

Today's walk was a bit rushed. I tried to get to the store 
and post office before they closed, but people with urgent 
concerns kept me on Skype. Somehow people seem to sense
that. Just like in the old days, when I could afford to go
on a holiday, the last few days before the trip people,
whom I had not heard from for a year, would pop out of the 
woodwork with all kinds of super-urgent projects, that could
not wait even a day.

Those are always good people, and they are not trying to be
obnoxious. It is more like some Intergalactic Stress Fairy
wakes them up and dispatches them to wherever they can
cause the most stress. 

Have you ever noticed that? Or am I the only one used as
a stress target by the Stress Fairy?

Well, I didn't get uptight, but I DID walk considerably faster
than I normally do. Part way to the post office I realized 
that my old hiking boots would be a lot better suited for 
careful and deliberate walking on rough terrain and for
toe-tip climbing, than for trotting down a paved sidewalk.
The boots were definitely slapping the pavement instead 
of quietly rolling. 

Are there any footwear experts out there?

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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Searching for lost relatives? . . . Announce you have won the Lottery! They'll show up. --- Socratex There's nothing wrong with the younger generation that the older generation didn't outgrow. --- Socratex We need to learn to set our course by the stars, not by the lights of every passing ship. --- Omar Bradley
Thanks to Ross for this: A new way to avoid any .08 alcohol issues while driving: I went out with some friends last night and tied one on. Knowing that I was wasted, I did something that I have never done before. I took a bus home. I arrived home safe and warm, which seemed really surprising as I have never driven a bus before.
Learn Digital Photography Now Learn How To Quickly And Easily Start Taking Awesome Photos With Any Digital Camera, Even If You Are A Complete Newbie! This course will make a bigger difference than a new camera!

City Boy: Say, Dad, how many types of milk are there? Father: Well, there's evaporated milk, buttermilk, malted milk, and ..... --but why do you ask? City Boy: Oh, I'm drawing a picture of a cow, and I want to know how many "spigots" to put on it
Thanks to dad for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Echinopsus Aurora (provisional) This is an experimental hybrid. The original plant blooms white. The plant you see here is a daughter of the first hybrid (cross) and so far it retains the morning-glow color, that it's mother showed. If it remains true for five generations, then it will be considered a true Hybrid and the provisional name will become it's proper name.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David Williams, 23, in Surprise, Arizona Man’s question to officer leads to arrest A man on a scooter asked an officer a question that led to his arrest, Surprise police said. Surprise man David Williams, 23, rode up to an officer around 7 a.m. last week in front if a convenience store in the area of Ocotillo and Greasewood streets, police spokesman Mark Ortega said. Williams reportedly asked if the officer had ever arrested him before. The officer told Williams that he did not think he had arrested him but ran his name through communications to check, Ortega said. The officer was notified that Williams had a valid warrant for his arrest out of Pine Top on suspicion of assault with a weapon, Ortega said. Williams was then arrested.
From the Tech Support Pits: From Aaron Re: What size camera memory chip Dear Webby, 256 MB flash memory chips I have for my camera are not big enough for even half a day at any nice scenic spot. Would you recommend buying 2 GB memory chips, or 4GB or even bigger chips? Aaron Dear Aaron Stick to 2 GB chips. Some cameras and some chip readers and some laptops don't like anything over 2 GB. 2 GB chips are cheap, and may save you a lot of frustration at some scenic spot, far away from a store. Always check your camera chips well before any trip, preferably the day you buy them, just in case you have to return them. Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% legal and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Mother's Day gift, that will actually get used! I got some paper junkmail today from BELL, advertising their TV deal. Instead of a one time fee of under $30 for 3500 channels, BELL wants $35 EVERY MONTH for just 200 channels! BELL is really making Internet TV look good!

At a fancy reception a young man was asked by a widow to guess her age. "You must have some idea," she urged when he hesitated. "I have several ideas," he admitted with a smile, "the trouble is that I don't know whether to make it ten years younger because of your looks or ten years older because of your wisdom."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Braid Bulb Leaves After Flowering It may not be pretty, but it is neater while nature stores energy in the bulbs for next year's flowers. Loosely braid the leaves of drying bulbs for easy removal after they are dried. Bulbs need to store energy through the leaves. Remove the leaves only after they are dried and easy to pull off. When they are completely dried, just pick up the braids. The clean up is much easier. By Great Granny Vi http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Old Ms Molly tripped on the stairs and broke her leg. The doctor put a cast on it and warned that she wasn't to use the stairs until the cast came off. Four months later he removed the cast and pronounced her well on the way to recovery. "Oh good," she responded. "Is it all right for me to walk the stairs now?" "Yes," said the doctor, "if you will promise to be careful." "I can't tell you what a relief it will be," she sighed. "It was such a nuisance crawling outside and shinnying up and down that drainpipe in the rain and snow all the time!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
On the outskirts of town, there was huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. The bucket was so full, several rolled out toward the fence. Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." He knew what it was. "Oh my," he shuddered, "It's Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the cemetery." He cycled down the road fast as he could and found an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy, "You won't believe what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing the souls." The man said, "Shooo, you brat, can't you see I'm finding it hard to walk as it is." But after several pleas, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..." The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been telling the truth. Let's see if we can see the devil himself." Shivering with fear, they peered through the fence, yet they were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of Satan. At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. And one last one for you. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence, and we'll be done." They say the old guy made it back to town five minutes before the boy with the bicycle.

» Crying Shame






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When it is not safe to send mail 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, May 5, 2011

Some of you received yesterday's Humor Letter in raw HTML.
Sorry about that! Well, you finally saw what all goes into the cake,
that you get, nicely kneaded and baked. 
Last night on the first send, I forgot to bake it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
" It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. " --- William Blake Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. --- Samuel Goldwyn Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. --- Socratex
Cindy runs her own daycare business. She has two of her own kids and has about 15 kids in her daycare. One day the Cindy takes the children to the park to play, when a woman walks up and notices Cindy and her daycare kids. She asks her, "Are all these kids yours?" Cindy replies, "No, I have two of my own." The woman proceeds to ask which two are hers. Cindy laughs and says. "My kids go to the YMCA daycare center." The other woman asks in a puzzled voice, "Why are they there when you run your own daycare?" Cindy looks at her and says, "Because I can't afford what I charge."
Learn Digital Photography Now Learn How To Quickly And Easily Start Taking Awesome Photos With Any Digital Camera, Even If You Are A Complete Newbie! This course will make a bigger difference than a new camera!

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. "This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other. And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me," said the first lady. But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him." The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The young man must marry the first woman's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court. "Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law."
Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ann Marie Hernandez, 46, of Pompano Beach, Florida Credit card cheater hides card in vagina Authorities in Florida said they arrested a woman who was concealing a fraudulent credit card and a counterfeit driver's license in her vagina. The Lee County Sheriff's Office said Ann Marie Hernandez, 46, of Pompano Beach, was pulled over at about 7 p.m. Friday on Interstate 75 and deputies discovered more than $5,000 worth of items purchased with a fraudulent credit card in her car, and Hernandez was found to be concealing the fraudulent credit card along with a counterfeit driver's license in her vagina. When a female cop was called to the scene, Ann decided she was screwed, so she reached up and fished the cards out herself. She had used the cards to buy more than $5,000 worth of stuff. About half of it was in her car when she was pulled over.
From the Tech Support Pits: From Miona Re: Not safe to mail out Dear Webby, I hope you don't mind too much if I write you even though I know my computer is infected. I know you are properly protected. My computer came with what I thought was good anti virus utilities, but even though it is only a few months old and has updated the virus stuff regularly, it got infected anyway. I need to write to my dad to come and clean it up for me and install better virus protection, but I don't dare writing him from an infected computer. I can't call him at work, and at home he's always on-line and I can't call him there either. What else can I do ? Mina Dear Mina You can send him an Internet postcard. There are tons fo sites from which you can send postcards, even from my dad's site at http://dawna.com A few others, that you could check aout are: Actioncat Angeleyes Angelwinks and so on. That is just in the "a"s in the alphabet. Postcards sent with the Mypostcards system are 100% safe. Nothing from your compuer is sent, you simply visit a site, compose a card with the pictures and music available there, and send it off. And it is free. Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% legal and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Mother's Day gift, that will actually get used! I got some paper junkmail today from BELL, advertising their TV deal. Instead of a one time fee of under $30 for 3500 channels, BELL wants $35 EVERY MONTH for just 200 channels! BELL is really making Internet TV look good!

The new teacher advised the class to start the day with the pledge of allegiance, and instructed them to put their right hands over their hearts and repeat after him. He looked around the room as he started the recitation, "I pledge allegiance to the flag..." When his eyes fell on Johnny, he noticed Johnny's hand over the right cheek of his buttocks. "Johnny, I will not continue 'til you put your hand over your heart." Johnny replied, "It IS over my heart." After several attempts to get Johnny to put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked, "Why do you think that is your heart?" "Because every time my Grandma comes to visit, she picks me up, pats me here, and says, 'Bless your little heart,' and MY Grandma wouldn't lie."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Uses For Single Socks Having 5 young children it seems I am eternally ending up with "onesie" socks. I have been putting them to good use for my little ones by using them as a holder for ice pops and frozen yogurt in plastic sleeves. It protects their little hands from getting cold and sticky, as well as using up an item of clothing that I have no other use for! By Robin from Belmont, MI http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Paul and his wife Lorna had moved to Arizona and were experienceing their first real heat wave. "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained Paul as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "They'd probably think that I married you for your money."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn't get her attention. Whenever he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement she readily consented. He said, "Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn't even make eye contact." "Oh," replied the waitress," I thought you wanted more coffee, and I didn't feel like making another pot this close to the end of my shift."

» Flying Clippers






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Leftist Math 

If a majority is illegitimate at less than 50% of the popular vote...
Then nothing done under Lester Pearson is legitimate. This includes:

1. The CPP
2. Universal Health Care
3. Student Loans
4. The current Canadian Flag
5. The Order of Canada.
6. The 40 hour work week
7. Two weeks paid vacation
8. Minimum Wage law

Furthermore, nothing done under Trudeau should stand, including:

1. The Charter of Rights and Freedoms
2. Decriminalization of homosexual acts
3. Legalization of contraception
4. Legalization of abortion
5. Legalization of lotteries
6. Gun Ownership restrictions
7. Liberalization of divorce laws
8. Institution of breathalyzer tests for drunk drivers.
9. Regional development programs
10. Official Bilingualism
11. Repatriation of the Constitution.

How about Mulroney? Well, he only had 50% for his first term, but let's be honest, without most of the previous, Mulroney wouldn't have had to do a lot of what he did, including:

1. The GST
2. Meech Lake Accord
3. Charlottetown Accord
4. 8 additional Senators

Cretien?

1. Changes to the Young Offender's Act
2. The Clarity Act
3. The Sponsorship Scandal
4. The Sea King Helicopter deal being cancelled

You see? It's all a matter of perspective. I hope that people remember this before they start spouting about how 60% of the country voted AGAINST this newly minted majority government.

Copied from oxygentax http://www.oxygentax.com/



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Courtesy of the Tuscaloosa Fire & Rescue Service, Alabama 
<br>



Pay attention everyone!



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Symmetry 

Symmetry from Everynone on Vimeo.

Made by Everynone

in collaboration with WNYC | Radiolab

http://www.everynone.com /> http://www.radiolab.org



See it on Vimeo


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Humor 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, May 4, 2011

There were no calls for election recounts. Election talk was
dropped like a fart in polite company. It wasn't really a serious
interruption of the hockey season. Some pundits are muttering 
to themselves, but the real topics are hockey, Bin Laden,
Gadafi, and Syria.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids! --- Socratex Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner
One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above the river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, an angel appeared and asked,"Why are you crying?" The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into the water. The angel went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the angel asked. The woodcutter replied, "No." The angel again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" the angel asked. Again, the woodcutter replied, "No." The angel went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?" the angel asked. The woodcutter replied, "Yes." The angel was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and so the woodcutter went home happily. One day, while he was walking with his wife along the riverbank, the woodcutter's wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the angel again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?" "Oh, Angel, my wife has fallen into the water!" The angel went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez. "Is this your wife?" the angel asked. "Yes!" cried the woodcutter. The angel was furious. "You liar! That is an untruth!" The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my angel. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez, you will come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then, if I also say 'no' to her, you will thirdly come up with my wife, and I will say 'yes.' Then you will make me feed all three of them! But angel, I am a poor man and I will not be able to take care of all three wives, so that's why I said yes the first time."
Learn Digital Photography Now Learn How To Quickly And Easily Start Taking Awesome Photos With Any Digital Camera, Even If You Are A Complete Newbie! This course will make a bigger difference than a new camera!

The construction foreman ordered one of his men to dig a hole 8 feet deep. But after the job was done, the boss returned and explained an error had been made and the hole wouldn't be needed. "Fill 'er up," he ordered the worker. The worker did as he'd been told. But he ran into a problem. He couldn't get all the dirt packed back into the hole without leaving a mound on top. He went to the office and explained his problem. "Honestly!" the foreman snorted. "The kind of help I get these days! There's obviously only one thing to do. You'll have to dig that hole deeper!"
Thanks to Dad for this picture. Click through the picture to the large version. He even managed to get his reflection in there!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bradley Gummow, 35, in Bartow, Florida Bartow teacher charged with drug possession Bartow police say they pulled over 33-year-old Bradley Gummow for a traffic stop shortly before 11 a.m. at the intersection of Polk Street and Baker Avenue. While talking with Gummow, cops say they observed a plastic bag in his mouth and called in a K-9 unit. Police say when they asked Gummow what was in his mouth, the suspect turned and refused to cooperate with officers. Gummow allegedly began resisting police until he was shot with a Taser stun gun. He then spit out what turned out to be five individual bags containing marijuana, weighing a total of 4.7 grams. Gummow is an 11th and 12th grade teacher at Bartow High School, assigned to teach International Baccalaureate and Advanced Placement students. Before Monday's arrest, Gummow was on probation for reckless driving involving alcohol. He is now charged with possession of marijuana, violation of probation, and resisting an officer without force or violence.
From the Tech Support Pits: From Re: Dear Webby, Dear Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% legal and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Mother's Day gift, that will actually get used! I got some paper junkmail today from BELL, advertising their TV deal. Instead of a one time fee of under $30 for 3500 channels, BELL wants $35 EVERY MONTH for just 200 channels! BELL is really making Internet TV look good!

Eunice went to the dentist the other day. It was discovered that she had a cavity that would have to be filled. "Now, Eunice," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like?" Without hesitation Eunice replied, "Chocolate, please."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Office Beverages Here's my tip about saving money on snacks. I am a administrative assistant at a small office. I noticed that all of us were going out to the local convenience store and buying cans of Diet Coke (the most inexpensive pop) for 79 cents. I got everyone together and told them of my observation. We then decided that we could save money by buying more together instead of buying a few cans at a time. What we do now is every weekend I buy a case of regular pop and a case of diet pop. Each person wishing to have one puts 30 cents into the money box, and we have our drink! The bonus is that our business has improved from all of us being around more, plus when we entertain we don't have to rush out and buy drinks - we just charge the business the same rate. 30 cents x 12 cans = $3.60, which is a 12 pack of pop plus tax. We stock up when they're on sale as well - so there's plenty around. It's just a thought to watch people at your office and building and try to work together to save money for everyone! Concetta from Westmont, IL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
When my sister's husband died, she went to the bank to put his affairs in order. The young clerk looked up their joint account and then asked, "Which of you is deceased?" "I am", she told the clerk, "but my husband was in such deep shock about it, that they buried him instead of me." "Well, if you are deceased," the teller muttered, "you can't have a bank account and it goes to him. But if he is buried, he can't sign the checks!" "That's OK", my sister told her, "they take VISA anywhere. I'll be responsible for the checks, and you can send the VISA bills to him."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Kim was telling her friend how she gets her son out of bed in the morning. "I just open his door and toss the cat on his bed. He sleeps with his dog."

» Sweet Scent






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A Great Day For Canada 

YEEEHAWWW!!!!!!!!!!!
The country came to its senses last night and gave the Conservatives a majority.

Thank you to the Ontarians who recognized the idiocy of cap and trade legislation proposed by handjob Jack and wiggy Iggy.

Canada now has a stable government that can weather the rest of the financial storm.

I hope our American cousins will wake up in 2012 and deliver a government capable of fighting the gullible warming crowd and implementing some rational fiscal policies that will move that economic engine back in the right direction.

By definition, a government has no conscience, sometimes it has a policy, but nothing more. --- Albert Camus


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Online Election Fraud 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Election is over. Because our system is straightforward and without
the complicated weighting of votes and electoral college and 
exceptions, an hour after the polls closed in the Yukon, the results
were final.

After a short one month campaign, the parties, that reneged 
on the coalition and forced a hockey season election, 
got skunked. Now they are no longer part of the Government.
Harper got a clear majority and the renegades are now just 
hecklers, who don't count. It makes no difference if they
vote in parliament, or even show up to vote.

The US usually follows Canada. Expect a similar pro-economy 
swing to the right next year. Actually, I hope the economy will
anticipate and start gearing up even before the election, just
like business lost confidence and went elsewhere even before 
the last election.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
By definition, a government has no conscience, sometimes it has a policy, but nothing more. --- Albert Camus "A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often." --- Oliver Herford "The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face." -- Jack Handey
Thanks to Vernon for this story: I was the last to leave the office one Friday evening and managed to lock myself out without my jacket and wallet. Kneeling in a deserted hallway to try picking an electronic lock with a paper clip, I heard the seam of my suit trousers rip apart. About then I realized I needed a screwdriver to remove the lock plate, and said so, aloud. Seconds later the elevator doors next to my office opened, revealing a screwdriver in the middle of the floor. There was a crackle from the wall speaker next to the elevator. "This is security," said a sexy female voice. "There's your screwdriver. Sorry, but I don't have a needle or thread for your pants!" ----------------- Bet you that screwdriver did not help him with neither the lock nor the pants. The screws on the outside are dummies that are only intended to keep a wannabe intruder busy long enough, so that building security can call the cops or find a big stick.
Learn Digital Photography Now Learn How To Quickly And Easily Start Taking Awesome Photos With Any Digital Camera, Even If You Are A Complete Newbie! This course will make a bigger difference than a new camera!

On the first Sunday the new preacher only preached for10 minutes. The second Sunday, he preached 20 minutes. But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes. When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way: The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my new dentures were still hurting a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures... AND I COULDN'T STOP TALKING!
Thnaks to Donna for this picture of her Rare Point Tree. Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sharry M. Long, 54, in Springfield, Ohio DUI arrest occurs on way to face DUI charge SPRINGFIELD — A 54-year-old Clark County woman was arrested on a charge of driving drunk Wednesday while on her way to face a similar charge in court, according to a police report. Sharry M. Long was taken to the Clark County Jail and is scheduled to be arraigned this morning. She was arrested after the Clark County Sheriff’s Office received a call that the operator of a white Ford Escort was driving erratically on north Ohio 41 from Newlove Road. A deputy later reported spotting Long traveling on East High Street and driving left of center. Long overcorrect and almost hit a parked car, according to the deputy’s report. The deputy stopped Long at East High Street and Oakland Avenue for a left-of-center violation. The suspect appeared to be under the influence of alcohol and / or drugs because she had slurred speech, bloodshot eyes and had trouble staying awake, according to the report. When asked to exit the vehicle, she reportedly had trouble placing the car in park. Long’s vehicle was towed from the scene. She also had several prescription medications that instructed her to avoid operating machinery, officials said. Long was arrested March 17 on a charge of driving drunk and was arraigned March 29. She pleaded not guilty. Her pre-trail was scheduled for Wednesday, but was re-scheduled for May 16 following her arrest Wednesday.
From the Tech Support Pits: From Maryann Re: Election fraud Dear Webby, I got severely yelled at today and told I will be charged with election fraud, because I put our Atlantic Canada results onto the web, while voting was still going on in the West. I know it's not proper, since it could influence voters, but is it that serious? Maryann from Quebec Dear Maryann In your case, it probably didn't influence anybody and was just for amusement, but the law is the same for everybody. Quebec is a recipient province, that gets Billions of Social Assistance from the contributor provinces, so it was quite predictable, that most Quebecois would vote Socialist. However, hearing the actual results from you could theoretically stampede the Westerners and cause them to drag people, who would otherwise not have voted, to the polls. So you see, how that gossiping COULD be considered illegal electioneering on election day. IF you had a huge audience, or if somebody leaked your information to a busy site, it could swing a few seats. The way British Columbia, a former NDP province, swung to the right at the end, some people are bound to argue that was because of gossipers like you. I doubt that they can demand a re-vote this time, but such gossiping COULD wind up getting expensive! I doubt that you will get more than a warning this time, but it would be a very good idea to be a quiet observer four years from now. Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% legal and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Mother's Day gift, that will actually get used! I got some paper junkmail today from BELL, advertising their TV deal. Instead of a one time fee of under $30 for 3500 channels, BELL wants $35 EVERY MONTH for just 200 channels! BELL is really making Internet TV look good!

The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes. The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes. But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes. When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way..... The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures... AND I COULDN'T STOP TALKING!
A customer at Morris Green's' Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence. "Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?" "I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Morris replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it: Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant." "You sell them here?" the customer asks. "Only $4 apiece," says Morris. The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter. "You didn't eat enough, " says Morris. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry. "Hey, Morris," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I just found out I can buy the whole fish for $2. You're ripping me off!" "You see?" says Morris. "You're smarter already."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Your Own Take Along Coffee Packs I love fresh brewed coffee. To make my own take along packs, I place a teaspoon or maybe a tablespoon of ground coffee into a coffee filter along with aspartame sugar and powder creamer, and fold the filter in from the sides and down from the top. I secure it with one staple like they do on tea bags and I have take along fresh brewed coffee. I can add them to hot water, heated in the microwave where ever and whenever. I make loads of these and keep them in an old empty glass lidded jar for at home and put some in a small zipock bag for my purse. This is much cheaper than buying them premade, and I can specialize them with any flavor I like. By Kimsukie from Florissant, MO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of prunes at the grocery store!" "Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store. A clerk answers and Tom says, "Can I please talk to the Vice President of prunes?" The clerk replies, "Sure, dried or canned ?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A Columbia lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination when he stopped and said to the judge: "Your honor, a juror is asleep." The Judge ruled: "You put him to sleep; YOU wake him up."

» Rain Forests






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Funniest Story In a Long Time 


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Beware of fake IRS Scam 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, May 2, 2011

Election day in Canada!
According to the polls the country is split exactly the same
as contributor and recipient provinces.
The contributor provinces are pretty solid behind Harper,
the recipient provinces favor the union guy with the Ted 
Turner wig and unkeepable promises.

Icky Iggy and Douchy are not really serious contenders.
They helped force an election during hockey season,
but don't seem to have a clue what they would do, if they
got elected. However, they do take votes away from
Harper and Layton.

And there is one more, the Green Party Blonde. 
Most wonder, if she will will find a polling booth, 
but the polls say she might get almost one percent,
but probably no elected MPs.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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please donate what you can!
The nothingness of the center creates the somethingness of the doughnut." --- Scott Livengood It is said that power corrupts, but actually it's more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power. --- David Brin
When I was 28, I was teaching English in a high school where occasionally the faculty and staff were allowed to dress down. One of those days I donned a sweatshirt and slacks. A student came in, and his eyes widened. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "You should wear clothes like that every day. You look twenty, maybe even thirty years younger.
Learn Digital Photography Now Learn How To Quickly And Easily Start Taking Awesome Photos With Any Digital Camera, Even If You Are A Complete Newbie! This course will make a bigger difference than a new camera!

"Louisa, could you help me with my math homework?" asked her younger brother. Certainly not," replied Louisa indignantly. "It wouldn't be right." "Probably not," said her brother, "but you could at least try and show me how you faked it !"
Thanks to Christine for this picture of her neighborhood Lorikeets cleaning up her breakfast table. Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nikolaus Trombley, 22 in East Lyme, Conn Drunk rides off on stolen lawnmower EAST LYME, Conn. (WTNH) - A man is facing charges for stealing a lawnmower from a school in East Lyme. Police say 22-year old Nikolaus Trombley was caught on tape, stealing the lawnmower from East Lyme High School. Police say he stole it in the middle of the night and then took it for a ride. Police say Trombley told them he was drunk and looking for a place to sleep when he broke into a trailer behind East Lyme High School. He was looking for the keys to the school when he spotted keys to a Scag Mower and decided to go on a joy ride instead. Police say Trombley rode the three miles to his parent's house, mowed their lawn and was on his way to return the mower when he abandoned it near the intersection of Boston Post Road and Spring Rock Road. He's charged with third degree larceny and burglary. Surveillance video taken at 2:07 early Wednesday morning shows Trombley riding by the Boston Post Road building. Police say Trombley, formerly of Vermont, is now living in his parent's East Lyme home. We're told it is difficult to ride a Scag Mower, and Trombley is lucky there were no accidents considering he was drunk. A Skag Mower is a riding mower with powered rear wheels and swivel casters for the front wheels. It is steered with brake/clutch levers controlling the rear wheels. They are very agile and can turn on a dime, but take a bit of getting used to.
From the Tech Support Pits: From Roland Re: IRS Scam Dear Webby, Although the federal tax filing season ended on April 15, the Internal Revenue Service continues to see new tax scams. Two new schemes target families of those serving in the military and e-mail users. In both schemes, people represent themselves as being from the IRS. The IRS warns consumers to beware of any variation of a scenario in which a telephone caller posing as an IRS employee tells a family member that he is entitled to a $4,000 refund because his relative is in the Armed Forces and then requests a credit card number to cover a $42 fee for postage. Genuine IRS employees who call taxpayers do not ask for credit card numbers or request fees for payment of a refund. If you get a call or email like that, write down the phone number, hang up and and contact the Treasury Inspector General for Tax Administration (800) 366-4484 Roland Dear Roland Before you hang up on the crooks, feel free to use any saved up profanity you can remember. And don't bother calling the IRS. The scammers spoof the number that shows in the call display. There is nothing they can do with a fake number. Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% legal and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Mother's Day gift, that will actually get used! I got some paper junkmail today from BELL, advertising their TV deal. Instead of a one time fee of under $30 for 3500 channels, BELL wants $35 EVERY MONTH for just 200 channels! BELL is really making Internet TV look good!

My blonde friend Ann and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant. When an elderly waiter set chopsticks at our places, Ann made a point of reaching into her purse and pulling out her own pair. "As an environmentalist," she declared, "I do not approve of destroying bamboo forests for throwaway utensils." The waiter inspected her chopsticks. "Velly bootiful," he said politely. "Ivoly from sca-ace, endange-ad animahs, instead of fahm gwown choptick wood. In old time onny litch sumbitch bigshot use ivoly choptick to make shua wood iss not poisonnd."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Your Own Take Along Coffee Packs I love fresh brewed coffee. To make my own take along packs, I place a teaspoon or maybe a tablespoon of ground coffee into a coffee filter along with aspartame sugar and powder creamer, and fold the filter in from the sides and down from the top. I secure it with one staple like they do on tea bags and I have take along fresh brewed coffee. I can add them to hot water, heated in the microwave where ever and whenever. I make loads of these and keep them in an old empty glass lidded jar for at home and put some in a small zipock bag for my purse. This is much cheaper than buying them premade, and I can specialize them with any flavor I like. By Kimsukie from Florissant, MO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
My little brother was always "borrowing" money and never remembered to pay it back. Soon everyone learned to say they didn't have any if he asked to borrow money. Then one night he asked me if I had change for a twenty dollar bill, so, like a fool I said yes. He asked "Can I borrow it?" He got me again!!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A doctor in Oklahoma recently made a seriously incorrect diagnosis. He treated a patient for a cold before learning the guy could afford a virus and a flu.

» Fruit Sculpture






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How to smooth old fonts? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, May 1, 2011

It warmed up to 8 above freezing in the afternoon, but with
a nasty north wind. I went for my walk anyway, and even wore
my shorts. Yes, sure I looked goofy, wearing my parka jacket
and shorts, but nobody laughed. 
Mainly because nobody else was out walking.

One lady, who turned up her collar to brave the wind chill
between her car at the curb and her house, pointed at my legs
and pumped a raised fist. 

So I walked an additional two miles. This opposite of gullible 
warming is a nuisance, but it won't stop me!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories. --- Arthur C. Clarke
A woman approached the minister after the sermon, and thanked him for his discourse. "I found it so helpful," she said. The minister replied: "I hope it will not prove as helpful as the last sermon you heard me preach." "Why, what do you mean?" asked the astonished woman. "Well," said the minister, "that sermon lasted you three years."
Learn Digital Photography Now Learn How To Quickly And Easily Start Taking Awesome Photos With Any Digital Camera, Even If You Are A Complete Newbie! This course will make a bigger difference than a new camera!

A math teacher is instructing her class in multiplication and gives the students a problem to solve. "Now class," she says. "We know there are 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day and 365 days in a year. So who can tell me how many seconds there are in a year?" All the kids look baffled by the question except one little fellow sitting in the back row. He raises his hand and waves it excitedly, and the teacher points to him. "All right, how many seconds are there in a year?" the teacher asks. "Twelve, ma'am," the little fellow says brightly. "January second, February second, March second ..."
Click through the picture to the large version. Carnival 2011 in Brazil
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christopher Martell, 35, Camp Verde jail, Arizona Re-Arrested Northern Arizona authorities say a man just released from jail has been rearrested for allegedly stealing a vehicle and causing an accident. Yavapai County Sheriff's officials say 35-year-old Christopher Martell was released from the Camp Verde Detention Center on Thursday afternoon. He had been in custody for trespassing at the sheriff's evidence facility in Prescott Valley. Hours after getting out of jail, authorities say Martell allegedly stole a vehicle that belongs to a member of the detention staff. Martell was later arrested after authorities say he intentionally crashed into another car and injuring a female driver. Deputies say Martell has been booked back into jail on charges including car theft, criminal damage, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and resisting arrest. He's being held on $60,000 bond.
From the Tech Support Pits: From Greta Re: How do I smooth old writing on pictures? Dear Webby, Now that I have seen the picture o the forgery, it is rather obvious. If I did that with my driver's license, I'd get thrown into the slammer instantly! Can I smooth captions and writing on old pictures? They are in GIF format and just maps with directions to different sights in the park. Thanks Greta Dear Greta First save the pictures in JPG, PSP, PSD, or PNG format. Increase the color depth from 256 to 16 Million. The soften the picture, and if necessary, soften more. After that, sharpen and increase contrast. It won't make the writing quite as smooth and elegant as if you write it fresh, but it will look much better than it did. Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% legal and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Mother's Day gift, that will actually get used! I got some paper junkmail today from BELL, advertising their TV deal. Instead of a one time fee of under $30 for 3500 channels, BELL wants $35 EVERY MONTH for just 200 channels! BELL is really making Internet TV look good!

~ There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory. I forget the other two.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remove Pine Sap with WD40 This is a handy tip I learned while cleaning up pine limbs after a recent ice storm. If you get pine sap on your skin you can spray a little WD40 on it and rub it gently. Then wash with soap and water and it will come off completely. I wish I had discovered this sooner as in the past it has been such a pain to finally get it all off. By Vickie from Dawson Springs, KY http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Yes, that is why every logger carries a can of WD40, except during mosquito season. OFF spray works exactly the same. Loggers, of course, don't bother with the soap and water until the end of the shift. Spraying the hands with WD40, wringing them a bit like a frantic preacher, and wiping them on the jeans works well enough. Removing the sap promptly is extremely important when limbing and not using gloves. The sap makes spots on the hands stick to the axe handle and quickly raises blisters. By using WD40 promptly whenever you get sap onto your hands, you can log all year long without getting blisters. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The week Sue started a new job, her husband was out of town. On the day he was to return, she thought it would be fun if he picked her up at work and they could go out to dinner. She left a note on the dining-room table with her new number and this message: "For a good time, call 555-1234." When her husband failed to show up, Sue took the bus home. "Where were you?" she asked. "Didn't you get my note?" "Oh," he replied with a sheepish grin, "I wasn't sure who wrote it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living. I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice. Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me."

» Edible Roots






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Anti-Aliasing on the forgery 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, April 30, 2011

Some sheeple sure got hysterical complaining about me 
mentioning the White House forgery. Does the truth hurt that much?

It makes no difference who the kuckoo actually is. 
It is too late to do anything about that. 

What irks me is the arrogant sloppiness of the forgery.
"Good enough for brainwashed sheep!"

Well, you got at least one person standing up for you!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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please donate what you can!
A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions. --- Wilson Mizner
An extremely shy fellow brings his date a bouquet of flowers. She's so overcome she throws her arms around him and kisses him long and hard. After the kiss, red-faced, he turns and bolts for the door. "Oh, I'm sorry," she says. "I didn't mean to offend you." "You didn't," he replies. "I'm just going for more flowers."
Learn Digital Photography Now Learn How To Quickly And Easily Start Taking Awesome Photos With Any Digital Camera, Even If You Are A Complete Newbie! This course will make a bigger difference than a new camera!

A driver pulls up beside a farmhouse in eastern Nebraska. He gets out and knocks at the door. An old woman answers, and the driver asks her for directions to Des Moines, Iowa. "Don't know," the woman says. The driver gets back in his car and pulls away. Then he hears voices. He looks in his rearview mirror and sees the woman and a man of about the same age waving for him to come back. He makes a U-turn and drives back to them. "This is my husband," the old woman says. "He doesn't know how to get to Des Moines either." ------------ They sound like gas station attendants in Phoenix, AZ.
Tanks to Kim for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. True doublke rainbow, with reversed colors.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dorothy McGurk, 43, new York Woman Caught Belly Dancing Loses Disability Claim NEW YORK (AP) - A New York City woman who was getting $850 a month in alimony because she was supposedly disabled and unable to work had her payments slashed after her ex-husband spotted online photos of her belly dancing. Brian McGurk went to court after discovering a blog that showed his 43-year-old ex-wife dancing for pay at a gallery. In other Internet postings, she wrote about dancing vigorously for several hours every day. Dorothy McGurk told the court that the dancing was physical therapy for injuries she suffered in a car accident in the mid-1990s. Richmond County Supreme Court Justice Catherine DiDomenico didn't buy it — and reduced her payments to $400 per month. The judge also ordered her to pay her ex-husband's legal fees and 60 percent from the sale of their home.
From the Tech Support Pits: Re-Run, WITH the picture I mentioned. From Randal Re: What is anti-aliasing? Dear Webby, Most of the mail and reports about the official White House forgery mention that some of the stuff klutzed into the certificate has modern anti-aliasing, that was not available in those days, just like the name of the hospital or the name of the country of the father. So what is anti-aliasing? Randal ear Randal Have a look at the certificate at the White House site: Official Birth certificate If that site is too busy and too slow, here is a cut of the top right corner from there: Look at the "1" that I circled and enlarged. Ignore the amateurish mismatch in size, look at the contour. See that nice smoothing of the outline, that makes it so much more pleasant to look at, than the "1"s from 1961 ? That smoothing is called anti-aliasing. All modern graphics programs have that since the mid 80's and have the option to turn it on or off. The official White House forger forgot to turn that anti-aliasing option off on his Mac, and thereby made it quite obvious at first glance, that it was a clumsy forgery. Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% legal and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Mother's Day gift, that will actually get used! I got some paper junkmail today from BELL, advertising their TV deal. Instead of a one time fee of under $30 for 3500 channels, BELL wants $35 EVERY MONTH for just 200 channels! BELL is really making Internet TV look good!

The showers in Jane's daughter's dorm turned scalding hot whenever a toilet was flushed. To warn others, residents would yell out, "Flushing!" each time they flushed the toilets. During one of her daughter's visits home, a friend stopped by to chat for a while. Jane was explaining how her daughter was acting more distant now that she was in college, and that she didn't tell her all about her life the way she used to. Suddenly they heard the daughter call out from the bathroom, "Flushing!" "Good grief," said Jane's friend, "How much more do you want to know?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Replacement Boxes For Playing Cards My kids are always tearing the boxes that playing cards come in. I cut a Little Debbie oatmeal box down to where it is a little taller than the cards and put the cards in it. I used the bottom of the box and cut the top part off. I plan on decorating it later. The box will stand up or lay down. By Sandrafadeley from Portland, TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
My kids never understood my logic. They totally failed to see why they had to go to bed when I was tired.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One Sunday afternoon, the Pastor's wife dropped into an easy chair saying, "Boy! Am I ever tried!" Her husband looked over at her and said, "I had to conduct two special services last night, three today, and give a total of five sermons. Why are you so tired?" "Dearest," she replied, "I had to pretend to listen to all of them!"

» Cinemagraphs






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What is anti-aliasing? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, April 29, 2011
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

During the first half of Thursday I received all kinds of mail about
the many klutzy flaws in the White House forgery. 

In the second half, the topic changed to the question: "Why is 
the main stream media not commenting about the forgery?
Have they been scared and intimidated and forbidden to
comment on the forgery?"

Well, that seems to be rather obvious.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. --- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. --- Socratex
Two English men are walking along O'Connell Street in Dublin, Ireland when they see a sign in a shop window. Suits $15.00, shirts $2.00, trousers $2.50. One said to the other one "Look at that - we could buy a lot of that gear and, when we get back to England we could make a fortune, When we go into the shop don't say anything, let me do all the talking, cause if they hear our accent they might not serve us, so I'll speak in my best Irish accent." They go in and he orders, 50 suits at $15.00, 100 shirts at $2.00 and 50 trousers at $2.50 The owner of the shop says "You're English aren't you?" The Englishman replies "Oh bother... Yes, how did you know that?" The owner says, "This is a Dry Cleaner shop."
Learn Digital Photography Now Learn How To Quickly And Easily Start Taking Awesome Photos With Any Digital Camera, Even If You Are A Complete Newbie! This course will make a bigger difference than a new camera!

Donald wore a toupe. One Sunday morning he was fussing about how bad it looked and everyone would know he wore a toupe. His 7 year old daughter told him "No they won't... no one I told, had known!"
Tanks to Betty for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Daniel Alberto Barros, 23, in Miami-Dade, Florida Man struck by own car, still snags suspect DES MOINES, Iowa -- A tire store employee was hit with his own car when he tried to stop someone from stealing it over the weekend -- but despite an injured leg, he ran the car down on foot and took the suspect into custody. Timothy Ray is still sore, but he managed to return to work Monday. "Yeah, he hit me with my own car," said Ray, 36. "I tried to stop him, but he clipped me pretty good. He got me in the knee, and I rolled my ankle." The impact threw Ray back into the side of the tire store. Ray works at Graham Tire and was on duty early Saturday afternoon when someone noticed a man going through cars at some nearby businesses. By the time Ray was aware that someone was going through his Buick in the tire store parking lot, the man was starting it with keys he'd found under the seat. Ray, who was about 30 feet away when the culprit started the car and drove off, tried to stop him. After hitting Ray with the stolen car, the driver hit a fence, a utility pole and the building, and then he drove off, snapping another utility pole. Shortly thereafter, the driver crashed into a parked car. Despite his injuries, Ray was running behind his stolen car, and he caught up with the driver . His car was totaled. Ray took the thief to the ground and put him in a headlock and choke hold. Store manager Jeff Chapman was right behind Ray and helped sit on the suspect until police arrived. Robert Noah Reynolds, 18, of West Des Moines, Iowa, is charged with first-degree theft, interference with official acts, assault with intent to inflict serious injury and six counts of hit-and-run. He was in the Polk County Jail on Monday, held on $21,300 bond. Chapman said the alleged car thief "seemed to have lost his mind." "He caused a lot of destruction in a short amount of time," Chapman said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From Randal Re: What is anti-aliasing? Dear Webby, Most of the mail and reports about the official White House forgery mention that some of the stuff klutzed into the certificate has modern anti-aliasing, that was not available in those days, just like the name of the hospital or the name of the country of the father. So what is anti-aliasing? Randal Dear Randal Have a look at the certificate at the White House site: Official Birth certificate If that site is too busy and too slow, here is a cut of the top right corner from there: Look at the "1" that I circled and enlarged. Ignore the amateurish mismatch in size, look at the contour. See that nice smoothing of the outline, that makes it so much more pleasant to look at, than the "1"s from 1961 ? That smoothing is called anti-aliasing. All modern graphics programs have that since the mid 80's and have the option to turn it on or off. The official White House forger forgot to turn that anti-aliasing option off on his Mac, and thereby made it quite obvious at first glance, that it was a clumsy forgery. Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% legal and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Mother's Day gift, that will actually get used! I got some paper junkmail today from BELL, advertising their TV deal. Instead of a one time fee of under $30 for 3500 channels, BELL wants $35 EVERY MONTH for just 200 channels! BELL is really making Internet TV look good!

One time, sitting in the Phoenix airport, they announced that the flight to Vegas was full. The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats. In exchange, they'd give you a $100 voucher for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later. About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer. About a minute later all eight of those people sat down grumpily, as the lady behind the ticket counter announced: "If there is anyone else, OTHER than the flight crew, who'd like to volunteer, please step forward."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Growing Basil Growing Basil Basil is one of the most popular herbs in the home garden. Known for its strong, peppery flavor (with hints of licorice), and its striking ornamental foliage. Basil is as versatile in the landscape as it is in the kitchen. http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Ellie for this one: To confirm her suspicions my sister needed to purchase a pregnancy test kit. Since I was going to the pharmacy, she asked me to pick one up for her. I didn't stop to think how I appeared to the clerk when I waddled up, nine months pregnant, to pay for the kit. "Honey," she said, "I can save you $15 right now. You're definitely pregnant."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A young minister, in his first days at his first parish, is obliged to conduct the funeral services for an eccentric man who has just died. At he funeral home, he stands before the open casket and tries to think of words to console the widow. Finally, the minister says, "I know this must be a very hard blow, Mrs. Jones. But we must remember that what we see here is only the husk, the shell. The nut has gone to heaven."

» Feline Funnies






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White House Forgery revealed! 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, April 28, 2011

I got a fair bit of mail today about Obamanov's birth certificate posted
on the White House site:
http://www.whitehouse.gov/sites/default ... g-form.pdf
Official Birth certificate

Yes, it IS official, 
and it IS indeed forged.
It is actually a very, very klutzy forgery.
Whoever did it, even forgot to merge the layers and left a wide open
forensic itinerary of the forgery. DUH!
That is about as boneheaded as the guy, who held up a bank with
a note written on the back of his probation papers, and left those
at the bank.

I just had a quick glance at the official forgery, and saw 
that it was obvious and klutzy. If you want to read about how to spot
the many mistakes on that forgery, try
You've GOT To Be Kidding Me (Birth Certificate)

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
He who lives without folly isn't so wise as he thinks. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening. --- Barbara Tober Traditions are a cozy way to ensure that the smart people don't have to learn everything the hard way. --- D.W.
Joe's wife likes to sing. She decided to join the church choir. From time to time she would practice while she was in the kitchen preparing dinner. Whenever she would start in on a song, Joe would head outside to the porch. His wife, with hurt feelings, said, "What's the matter, Joe? Don't you like my singing?" Joe replied, "Honey, I love your singing, but I just want to make sure the neighbors know I'm not beating you."
Learn Digital Photography Now Learn How To Quickly And Easily Start Taking Awesome Photos With Any Digital Camera, Even If You Are A Complete Newbie! This course will make a bigger difference than a new camera!

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A northern zoo has the English and the Latin name of the animal on the front of the cage. A southern zoo has the English name of the animal and cooking instructions on the front of the cage.
Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Daniel Alberto Barros, 23, in Miami-Dade, Florida Police Impersonator Arrested A quick thinking woman saves herself from potentially becoming a victim. The 23-year-old says Daniel Alberto Barros pulled up behind her Friday night, flashed red and blue lights and a badge at her and tried to get her to pull over. She immediately called her stepfather, a real officer. He met her and Barros at a Southwest Miami-Dade gas station, which propelled Barros to make a run for it. He was arrested a short distance away and charged with impersonating an officer. Investigators say the badge was real. Barros' brother is a real officer. The unmarked BMW was also his brother's. The report did not mention who owned the illegal red and blue lights..
From the Tech Support Pits: From Mandy Re: Is it safe to vacuum a keyboard? Dear Webby, Is it safe to vacuum a keyboard? I got yelled at for trying to do that, but thought you had recommended it at one time. Mandy Dear Mandy Yes, it is quite safe to vacuum today's keyboards. Unplug it first, and it is also quite safe to slam it upside down onto a hard surface, preferably one covered with old newspaper or an open garbage bag. You will be surprised what all falls out. After that, go ahead and vacuum it thoroughly, then wash it with a damp sponge and dry it with an old t-shirt. Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% legal and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Mother's Day gift, that will actually get used! I got some paper junkmail today from BELL, advertising their TV deal. Instead of a one time fee of under $30 for 3500 channels, BELL wants $35 EVERY MONTH for just 200 channels! BELL is really making Internet TV look good!

"Doctor, I'd like you to evaluate my 13 year-old son." "OK: He's suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but his prognosis is good for full recovery." "How can you say all that without even meeting him?" "I thought you said he's 13?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Bracelets and Watches on a Mug Rack I moved to a small flat last November and am still finding items that I have not unpacked. Amongst these are my bling bracelets and watches, only cheap from holidays but I just love them. Because storage is very limited, I bought a stainless steel mug rack and have hung everything, watches and all. It it looks really pretty and no need to hide away. By Helen from UK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
When Bill and Sue were getting married, they wanted to add a touch of Sue's home state, Kansas, to the wedding. Bill explained this to a friend and said that they were planning to have wheat rather than rice thrown after the ceremony. His friend thought for a moment. Then he said solemnly, "It's a good thing she's not from Idaho."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
After shopping at a busy store, Mary and another woman happened to leave at the same time, only to be faced with the daunting task of finding their cars in the crowded parking lot. Just then Mary's car horn beeped, and she was able to locate her vehicle easily. Wow," the other woman said. "I sure could use a gadget like that to help me find my car." "Actually," I replied, "that was my husband who honked the horn when he saw me walking off in the wrong direction."

» Oklahoma Wild Flowers






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New Antisceptic 


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Internet TV 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, April 27, 2011

If you, or a family member, uses a Sony Play Station,
it would be a good idea to inform your credit card companies 
and request fresh cards. The data o 77 Million users has been
copied by hackers. They won't get around to cleaning out 
the cards of all of them immediately, but they will start at
one end. Let's hope, by the time they get to your card,
you will have replaced yours with a new one!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
A person should feel as good at 50 as he did at 17 and he should be as smart at 50 as he thought he was at 17 --- Socratex Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance. --- Confucius It's what you learn after you know it all that counts. --- John Wooden
A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "I have decided to plant some vegetables in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter, "Dear wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money." A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "You won't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden." The prisoner wrote another letter: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the vegetables."
Learn Digital Photography Now Learn How To Quickly And Easily Start Taking Awesome Photos With Any Digital Camera, Even If You Are A Complete Newbie! This course will make a bigger difference than a new camera!

I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador retriever had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!" The driver of a nearby car gave me a startled look. "I don't know about you," he said incredulously. "But I usually just put my car in park."
Click through the picture to the large version. Are those blue lines level, or not?
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 55 year old drunk driver in Melbourne, Australia Melbourne drunk driver on way to 'test teeth' at KFC A WOMAN caught drink-driving has told Melbourne police she was on her way to try her new teeth on fried chicken. The 55-year-old from St Kilda East was caught outside the Prahran Police Station on Friday night and recorded a reading of 0.052. It was her second offence in 10 years and she received an automatic loss of licence. Police say the woman said she had decided to drive because she wanted to try out her new false teeth on KFC. Also in Melbourne, police pulled over a vehicle at Prahran on yesterday with two males standing on the back seats protruding from their waist up through the sunroof. Police fined the two almost $360 each and the driver $480 and gave him six demerit points.
From the Tech Support Pits: From Gale Re: Internet TV Dear Webby, Glad your feeling better and walking further these days. All the snow your having doesn't sound like much fun. Here in St. Louis, Missouri area we are dealing with tornadoes that are setting records. I notice the advertisement on your news letter for "Internet TV" through your lap top or PC and I have a question about it. I don't want to sit in front of my PC all evening and watch TV so is this program able to come through regular TVs with some sort of program or just through the PCs? Sitting in front of the PC and watching TV of the evening and watching TV on a small computer screen just doesn't seem relaxing to me. So can it be view on regular TV screen? Thank you for your help and advice. Gale Dear Gale Apparently all you need is the cable that normally connects the TV to the tuner or channel selector, and then use your big TV as your monitor. With the new format TVs, that should be no prolem at all, unless you have the TV in a different building than the computer. Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% legal and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Mother's Day gift, that will actually get used! I got some paper junkmail today from BELL, advertising their TV deal. Instead of a one time fee of under $30 for 3500 channels, BELL wants $35 EVERY MONTH for just 200 channels! BELL is really making Internet TV look good!

Thanks to Donna for this one: While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate. After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school. "Yes," he replied. "When did you graduate?" I asked. He answered, "In 1957." "Why, you were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com How Do I Thin Nail Polish? I had some nail polish that was getting too thick to use, so instead of throwing it away, I poured nail polish remover in it. I just poured a little at a time. Shake it good and if it's still too thick, add a little more. Do this until you can put on your nails smoothly. Nail polish is getting expensive now, so I have to be thrifty. Some bottles are $5.00 or $6.00. Can't throw them away, just fix them - thin them down! Also, if you have a color that you think is too light, just mix in a darker color. Too dark, pour in a lighter color. I have made some pretty colors doing this and saved money. Give it a try, it really works! By dwedenoja from New Creek, WV http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked somebody from the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" "Did it save time?" the person in the audience asked. "Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The impish girl turned on the tractor and pushed the outhouse into the creek. Later, her father told her the story of George Washington chopping down his father's cherry tree but wasn't spanked because he had told the truth. The girl proudly announced, "I cannot tell a lie. I pushed the outhouse into the creek." He told her to bend over and the shocked child protested that George Washington had not been punished. The father replied, "Well, George's father wasn't IN the cherry tree when it got chopped down!"

» The Big Picture






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Can you use an alternate email while on AOL? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Had to laugh when I read that Lindsay Lohan was "angry about
getting sentenced to 120 days". 
Booo hooo.
The cutesy dingbat did not realize that she got the 120 days 
not so much for stealing a necklace, but for fighting the 
conviction, even though she was on tape!

And now she paid $75,000 bail to be out while appealing the
120 day sentence. She obviously STILL has not learned her 
lesson.

The $75,000 are just ID-10-T tax, of course, since the dingbat 
is bound to get caught for something or another between now
and her next court appearance. Superior Court Judge Stephanie 
Sautner is probably laughing her butt off about it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
I only know two pieces; one is 'Clair de Lune' and the other one isn't. --- Victor Borge Among the English language's many puzzling words is "economy," which means the large size in soap flakes and the small size in cars.
Baby camel to his dad, "Dad, why have we got such big feet?" "so that we can carry our masters through the hot shifting sands of the desert where no other animal can go," replied Dad. "Dad, why have we such long spindly legs?" "So that we can carry our masters through all the prickly thorn bushes in the desert without scratching their legs," replied Dad. "Dad, why do we have such big humps on our backs?" "So that we can carry our masters for long distances across the desert without stopping for food or water," replied Dad. "Dad, why our we sitting in the back of this pickup truck?"
Learn Digital Photography Now Learn How To Quickly And Easily Start Taking Awesome Photos With Any Digital Camera, Even If You Are A Complete Newbie! This course will make a bigger difference than a new camera!

SUE: "Karen, do you carry a momento of some sort in that locket of yours?" KAREN: Yes, it's a lock of my husband's hair. SUE: But your husband is still alive. KAREN: I know, but his hair is gone.
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to dopey pilots in New Mexico Cocaine floating in N.M. lake after plane crash State police divers have recovered what a spokesman describes as "fragmented pieces of human remains" from a northern New Mexico lake where authorities have been finding bundles of cocaine since a small plane crashed into the lake. State police spokesman Lt. Eric Garcia said he doesn't know if the remains found Monday belong to more than one person or if there are more remains. The plane, the pilot and any passengers haven't been identified, he said. Winds and current have caused plane debris to spread since Sunday's crash, but more than 20 packages of cocaine have been recovered. Dive team members, who were working 100 feet below the water's surface Monday afternoon, recovered only small pieces of the plane — the largest about the size of a piece of paper, Garcia said. Divers have found nothing that would identify the aircraft, but "the more the water gets rocky, the more debris turns up," he said. The human remains have been turned over to the state Office of the Medical Investigator. Witnesses reported the plane crashed into Heron Lake, about 100 miles north of Santa Fe, at about 10:30 a.m. Sunday. Lake patrol officers found several packages of cocaine, each weighing about a kilogram, or 2 pounds, floating on the lake. State police have blocked the road to the lake to stop people from getting into the area while the search continues. Air trafficking historically has been a significant issue for Southwest border states, state police Chief Robert Shilling said Monday. "I won't say it's keeping us super busy and we're interdicting a plane a week, but ... air smuggling in New Mexico always has been and will continue to be an issue for law enforcement," Shilling said from state police headquarters in Santa Fe. The largest problem now comes from ultra-light craft used in trafficking along the southern border, he said. A couple of commercial pilots staying at a cabin on Heron Lake told CBS affiliate KRQE that they heard the plane circling above them, then the sound of the engine changed and the next thing they heard was a boom.
From Mark Re: Can you use an alternate email while on AOL? Dear Webby, My boss is way behind on her ID-10-T taxes and insists that we dial up through AOL, because she has a stack of those Free AOL CDs. We get all the spam, but we lose way too much of real mail. Pus of course, most customers lauch and snicker when they see our addresses and ask if we are a real business. Is there a way to get reliable mail even when you are on AOL? Mark Dear Mark Yes, sure there is! You can use web mail based on your domain name, or Gmail. You can use either of those and even process them with a full-featured professional email program like Eudora, Pegasus, Outlook, Thunderbird, etc., just like the real businesses do. Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% legal and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Mother's Day gift, that will actually get used! I got some paper junkmail today from BELL, advertising their TV deal. Instead of a one time fee of under $30 for 3500 channels, BELL wants $35 EVERY MONTH for just 200 channels! BELL is really making Internet TV look good!

Liz goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings. One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked across it. Liz walks over to the artist and says, "I don't understand your paintings." I paint what I feel inside me," explains the artist. Liz replied: "Yeah, I can understand that. I feel that way too when I eat my hubby's cooking!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Switch Burners When Simmering This is a tip for when you are cooking something that needs to be brought to the boil and then simmered for a period of time. If you are using an electric stove, you know that it takes considerable time to cool down that burner so that the simmering can begin. To avoid the wait, and possible boiling over, just turn on another burner (of the same size) on "low" and transfer your boiling pot to it. Turn off the original burner, of course. No more boiled over sauces, soups, or chili. By Ginny W from Murrells Inlet, SC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The new patient was airing his woes to an understanding doctor: "After the first, I'm tired, Doc. After the second, my chest aches and I start getting pains in my legs. After the third, I feel like fainting and it takes half-an-hour for my heart and respiration to return to normal." "Why don't you quit after the first?" inquired the doctor. "How can I do that, Doc?" said the patient. "I live on the third floor!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two truck drivers arrive in front of a tunnel. The sign says MAXIMUM HEIGHT 3 METERS. The first driver measures his truck and says, "Damn...3 .2 meters!" The second one looks furtively around and says, "No police, anywhere. try it!"

» Landscape Pictures






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Not all pictures forward in my Gmail 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, April 25, 2011

We had a beautiful Easter weekend and I was able to add another
half mile to my daily walk. I don't think I would be able to work
at a hamburger joint for a whole shift just yet, but I can do a 
brisk 3 mile walk without significant pain in the heart area.
I was told to expect some discomfort, since here was major
healing and growing going on, and to just keep at it steadily.

That is what I am doing, and still not smoking!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is inefficiency. An efficient bureaucracy is the greatest threat to liberty. --- Eugene McCarthy
Russ and Sam, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Russ didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Russ hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Russ lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him. A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Russ, but one day, Sam approached the park and-- lo and behold!--there sat Russ! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud Russ, what in the world happened to you?' Russ replied, 'I have been in jail.' 'Jail!' cried Sam. What in the world for?' 'Well,' Russ said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?' 'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?' 'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pled 'guilty'. 'The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury!'
Learn Digital Photography Now Learn How To Quickly And Easily Start Taking Awesome Photos With Any Digital Camera, Even If You Are A Complete Newbie! This course will make a bigger difference than a new camera!

We were listening to a lecture on psychic phenomena in our Comparative Religions course. Our instructor told us about a woman who contacted police working on a missing-persons case. "She gave eerily detailed instructions on where to find the body," the teacher said. "In fact, the detectives did find the body just as she had described. Now what would you call that kind of person?" While the rest of us pondered the question, a sheriff's officer taking the course raised his hand and replied, "A suspect."
Click through the picture to the large version. Spring in the foothills I had to darken the picture quite a bit, because the blowing drift snow in the mountains was extremely bright. Those clouds over the mountains are actually just drift snow thrown up by a rambunctious Chinook coming over the Rockies. The snow in the foreground was bright and sunlit. Only by darkening everything, as if I had put strong sun glasses in front of the camera, was I able to show the mountains and super bright drift-snow clouds.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Cameron Pittman, 20, St Petersburg, Florida Florida resident Cameron Pittman failed in his attempt to rob a shop with a PlayStation controller, not least because police officers walked into the convenience store in the middle of the fiasco. Mr Pittman was arrested by police in St Petersburg and charged with strong-arm robbery and violation of probation after trying to hold up staff in the Sunshine Foods outlet. According to Bay 9 News, the 20-year-old hid the 'Sony Playstation remote control' in his pocket and pretended it was a gun. When police officers walked in and caught him in the act, he dropped his, err, weapon and yielded to them. Mr Pittman was apparently a suspect in a previous robbery at a Subway restaurant in the same shopping plaza, hence the convenient arrival of the law (they'd received a nifty tip-off).
From Ginger Re: Not all pictures forward in my Gmail Dear Webby, I have Gmail accounts on both of my computers. On my desktop computer I can forward email messages with the graphics included. On the netbook when I try to forward a message I get the empty box with a red "X" where the graphics are. Is there a setting I need to change on my netbook to enable me to forward graphics? Thank you Ginger Dear Ginger Forwarding inline images To forward a message containing inline images, please ensure you have Rich formatting enabled.* To enable Rich formatting or to check whether you have it enabled: Click Compose Mail. Click Rich formatting >> above the blank text field of the message (if you don't see this link, you already have Rich formatting enabled and won't need to do anything else). Discard the blank message. With Rich formatting enabled, just open the message you'd like to forward, click Forward along the bottom of the message, and then click Send. * Note that Rich formatting is not available in Gmail's basic HTML view. Forward pictures in Gmail Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% legal and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Mother's Day gift, that will actually get used!

There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mineshaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole! The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mineshaft in front of them! The man replied, "Oh no. That couldn't be MY goat, mine was tied to a railroad tie."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Revitalize Old Clothes I've just changed the buttons on an old coat and it looks just like a new one! I buy buttons in thrift stores (where you can find horn, mother-of-pearl, or brass ones) or take them off other pieces of clothing. I also often dye clothes - particularly woolens - to revitalize them. Beige or cream sweaters or cardigans, if they are looking grubby or dull, cab be dyed a brilliant cherry red or bright pink. Yellows, greens and blues should be dyed again somewhere in their own color range or the color looks a bit muddy. Use Dylon dyes which can go in the washing machine. They are not expensive. New buttons and colors give you a whole new wardrobe. By Lucy from UK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A cat and a mouse walked into a restaurant. The mouse ordered a plate of cheese and crackers. The waiter asked the cat what he wanted and the mouse answered, "The cat is not hungry." The waiter said, "Why don't you let the cat answer for himself?" And the mouse said, "Think about it. If he were hungry, do you think I would be sitting here?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from each other. Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he told me that he had lent it to his son. Recalling a saying my grandmother used to repeat, I recited, "You should never lend anything to your kids, because you will never get it back." And my neighbor said, "Well, it's not really my ladder. It's actually my dad's."

» Real Snail Mail






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Automatic mail sabotage 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, April 24, 2011
Happy Easter!

There is more to Easter than gas price gouging.
Remember what Easter is all about?

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die, the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather. --- Michael Pritchard Great and good are seldom the same man. ---Thomas Fuller
Mark was only 5 feet, 8 inches tall when he left for college in the fall. He worked through the Christmas holidays and didn't return home again until the Spring break. When he got off the plane, I was stunned at how much taller he looked. Measuring him at home, I discovered he now stood at 5 feet, 11 inches. Mark was as surprised as I. "Couldn't you tell by your clothes that you'd grown?" I asked. "Well, since I've been doing my own laundry," he replied, "I just figured everything had shrunk."
Download movies, from recent releases to old classics. Full movies in DVD quality Legal and direct, not file sharing! $5 per month for unlimited downloads short term, about $1 per month for unlimited downloads long term. No installation or extra hardware Required! You do not need to be computer experienced to download and watch movies. Simply register, login, and start downloading FULL DVD movies, LEGALLY! * "Unlimited" does not refer to YOUR hard drive space! But you can fill a hard drive for mom between now and Mothers Day! ( If you start soon! )

Mitchell, a kindergartener, practiced spelling with magnetic letters on the refrigerator: "cat," "dog," "dad," and "mom" have been proudly displayed for all to see. One morning while getting ready for the day, Mitchell bounded into the room with his arms outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic letters: G-O-D. "Look what I spelled, Mom!" Mitch exclaimed, a proud smile on his face. "That's wonderful!" she said. "Now go put them on the fridge so Dad can see when he gets home tonight." That Christian education is certainly having an impact, she thought, happily. Just then, a little voice called from the kitchen. "Mom? How do you spell 'zilla?'"
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Anthony Garcia in California Gang Tattoo Leads To A Murder Conviction Inked on the chest of a Pico Rivera gang member was the detailed scene of a liquor store slaying that had stumped an L.A. County sheriff's investigator for more than four years. It leads to a jailhouse confession from Anthony Garcia - and a first-degree murder conviction. Details are at Tattoo Confession
From Malcolm Re: Auto... Moron Alert Dear Webby, At first I was really upset about your comments regarding auto... No, I better not write it out, so that your MaiWasher won't censor myletter. I have been teaching for 15 years, that a repsonder should be used. And you have the nerve, calling them "Moron Alerts"! While I was fuming and steaming and searching for some choice words, my wife and my mother agreed with you! Totally outnumbered, skunked. They told me the same as you did, just not as diplomatically. Eventually, I had to agree. They are a nuisance, and really not necessary. While an order summary is appreciated, a dumb mail telling me that somebody will answer during office hours is indeed rather dumb. I won't use or recomment moron alerts any more. Malcolm Dear Malcolm Glad you saw the light! Next we have to work on the snoots, who expect everybody to fill out a form, before their email is allowed through. Yeah, right. Their address gets blacklisted instantly. Believe it or not, some of them are so dumb, they expect a newsletter delivery program to fill out their childish form! I am very glad, that there are plenty of people, who ensure their email is not sabotaged with automatic nonsense. Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% legal and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Mother's Day gift, that will actually get used!

"What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late?" complained an irate passenger to the railroad engineer. "How would we know the trains were late, if we didn't have a schedule?" replied the engineer.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buying Second Hand Clothing The best way to buy clothing is to buy them second-hand. A lot of people will not shop second-hand because they prefer their clothing brand new, but guess what? Once you've worn your new outfit once or twice it is now USED! Since I've come to that realization it's been a lot easier for me to shop at second-hand clothing stores. And the money saved can be phenomenal. By Wanda from Winnipeg, Manitoba http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Jill was speeding and an officer pulled her to the side of the road. She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window. After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?" "Yes, I do, officer," she replied. "Well," asked the officer, "do you always do it up with it looped through your steering wheel?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A small boy was standing near an escalator in a department store watching the moving handrail. "Is there anything wrong?" asked a saleslady. "Nope," he said, I'm just waiting for my gum to come around again.

» Wandering Forest






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Some people don't get her email 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, April 23, 2011

There is more to Easter than gas price gouging.
Remember what Easter is all about?

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
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The less you open your heart to others, the more your heart suffers. --- Deepak Chopra: You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do. --- Olin Miller
It's graduation day, and everybody's going to get their diploma but Jon. At the assembly, the entire senior class stands up and shouts, "Let Jon graduate, let Jon graduate!" The principal agrees to give Jon one last chance. "If I have five apples in my right hand and five in my left hand, Jon, how many apples do I have?" he asked. Jon thought long and hard and then said, "Ten." At that the entire senior class stood up and shouted, "Give Jon another chance. Give Jon another chance!"
Download movies, from recent releases to old classics. Full movies in DVD quality Legal and direct, not file sharing! $5 per month for unlimited downloads short term, about $1 per month for unlimited downloads long term. No installation or extra hardware Required! You do not need to be computer experienced to download and watch movies. Simply register, login, and start downloading FULL DVD movies, LEGALLY! * "Unlimited" does not refer to YOUR hard drive space! But you can fill a hard drive for mom between now and Mothers Day! ( If you start soon! )

Marge was royally peeved! She was arguing with the druggist because her favourite cure-all could no longer be bought without a prescription. "Look, lady. You can't have this without a prescription because it's been declared a habit-forming drug." "IT IS NOT!!!!" Screamed Margaret! "I ought to know: I've been taking it regularly for thirtyseven years!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bruce Manlove, 36, in Dover, Delaware Pre-Botched Hold-Up DOVER, Del. -- Dover police say a robber made their jobs easy by handing a convenience store clerk a demand note that had his name on the back. Thirty-six-year-old Bruce Manlove was arrested shortly after the robbery early Wednesday. He's accused of stealing 17 packs of Newport cigarettes. Police say Manlove walked into a 7-Eleven around 3:15 a.m. and handed the clerk a note that read, "This is a robbery." The clerk handed over the cigarettes but refused to give the note back. Police say the note was written on the back of Manlove's Department of Correction paperwork. Apparently Brucie Manlove really wanted to go back to his lover. And no, he was not allowed to take the robbed cigarettes along into jail.
From Jerry Re: Some people don't get my email Dear Webby, what could be causing my mail to work OK to some people but not to others. I don't spam, and I have no idea what could cause this. Some of the people who can't get my regular mail, get it OK if I mail to them by using a disposable hotmail address, like the one I am using for this mail. I even stopped getting your newsletter! Jerry Dear Jerry You won't get answers from a lot of people, because you have a "moron alert". (AutoResponder) In this day of mail overload, a lot of people put any address that results in nuisance autoresponder mails, into their spam block. Automatically. I do too. MailWasher recognizes autoresponders, and I set it to blacklist anybody, who is trying to waste my time with a silly auto-responder. Just get rid of your moron alert, change your address, and you won't have a problem. Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% legal and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Mother's Day gift, that will actually get used!

A small boy walked into a police station one day and said, I've got three big brothers and we all live in the same room. My eldest brother has seven cats. Another one has three dogs and the third has a goat. I want you to do something about the smell.“ Are the any windows in your room? “ asked the officer. Yes, of course there are! “ said the boy. Have you tried opening them? “ "I can't...all my pigeons would escape."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycled Planters From Old Shoes Our PTA president had us ask the school for a week to bring in old shoes for our green theme. Lots of the children brought shoes and the PTA bought soil and seeds. We had the children come one class at a time. Any shoes that had holes, rips, or were very old we put soil in and about 6-8 seeds. The kids lined them up against one of the school's walls. The classes are taking turns watering their shoes and now one month later little sprouts are popping up. The children are so happy and so are we. By LisaLou from Los Angeles, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, sir."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A wise schoolteacher sent this note to all parents: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home.

» Crystal Cave






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Can you swap printer ink? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, April 22, 2011
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

It warmed up enough to finally wash the salt and mud off the car.
Luckily there were only a few small spots where I saw some rust.
If the sun comes out tomorrow, I will treat those with Naval Jelly
and convert the rust to Iron Phosphate. 

Same as every Easter weekend, the price of fuel as gone up. 
This time the official blame is put on Gadafi. His tankers
are getting blocked by the 28 country Anti-Gadafi Alliance.
None of that blocked oil is destined for here, but that is 
beside the point. It's all Gadafi's fault, just like it is his fault, 
that the poor innocent rebels are forced to use land mines,
RPGs, out of date cluster munitions and rocket launchers
without instructions.

Luckily the left wing media agrees, that it all is Gadafi's fault.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
On the topic of long Sermons: When ideas fail, words come in very handy. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. --- Horace Walpole
A worried Mrs. Murray sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?" "Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight." The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?" "Why, George! Your husband! ....Is this 555-1374? "No, this is 555-1347." "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number." There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?"
Download movies, from recent releases to old classics. Full movies in DVD quality Legal and direct, not file sharing! $5 per month for unlimited downloads short term, about $1 per month for unlimited downloads long term. No installation or extra hardware Required! You do not need to be computer experienced to download and watch movies. Simply register, login, and start downloading FULL DVD movies, LEGALLY! * "Unlimited" does not refer to YOUR hard drive space! But you can fill a hard drive for mom between now and Mothers Day! ( If you start soon! )

While the soldiers stood at attention during a parade, a private waved to someone in the audience. "Jones, never do that again!" the drill instructor whispered. But a few minutes later, the soldier waved a second time. Back in the barracks after the parade, the DI stormed in and barked for Jones to come front and center. "Son, you knew I was going to see you," he screamed. "You knew it was wrong. Aren't you afraid of me?" "Yes, SIR!" replied Jones. "But you don't know my mother! You better hide quickly. I can hear her truck approaching, SIR!"
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Desert Rose
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brittany Marie Sterna-Lanaghan, 20, of Billings, Montana Woman charged $6K to fiance's dad's card BILLINGS, Mont. (UPI) -- Authorities in Montana said a woman admitted making nearly $6,000 in unauthorized purchases using her fiance's father's credit card. Brittany Marie Sterna-Lanaghan, 20, of Billings pleaded guilty Monday in District Judge Gregory Todd's courtroom to felony deceptive practices by common scheme, the Billings Gazette reported Tuesday. Sterna-Lanaghan admitted making 55 unauthorized transactions on the credit card of her prospective father-in-law, including wedding-related purchases. Under the plea agreement, prosecutors and Sterna-Lanaghan's public defender are recommending a six-year deferred sentence and a $500 fine. The agreement also requires her to write a letter of apology and pay $5,776 in restitution. The newspaper did not say if the wedding has been called off, postponed six years or what the plans are.
From Erin Re: Swap unused printer ink Dear Webby, My HP printer died shortly after the warranty expired. Their warranty timers are getting too accurate for my taste! I won't buy another HP ever! The problem is that I still have lots of ink for it. Can I trade that for ink for a different printer? Thanks Erin Dear Erin That depends entirely on where you bought the ink. If you got it from a good and respectable outfit like Atlantic Inkjet, it is no problem at all. You simply send the ink back to them and tell them what printer you got now. Usually within a few days you will get the ink for the new printer. We did that at least four times already, and there was never any problem. Regarding the HP warranty timers: Buy your printers from Staples and add the $10 extra warranty, put the paperwork into a shipping pouch and stick it to the bottom or side of the printer. When the warranty timer kills the printer, bring it back to Staples and they will exchange it for a new one. By the way, Atlantic Inkjet does have Laser Toner too! If you want to graduate from the short lived inkjet printers and move up to color lasers, Atlantic Inkjet has toner for my favorite, the Dell 1320c for under $25, and you can order just the colors that you actually need. Right now I got a bit over 117,000 on the counter on that old color laser printer, and never had a problem with it. As long as you use high quality toner, a good printer like that will last for many years. Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% legal and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Mother's Day gift, that will actually get used!

A lady had just finished taking a CPR course, and was on the lookout for a chance to try it out. As she left the shopping center, she saw a man lying on the road with a lot of people around him. Screaming, "I know CPR!", she ran to the person, threw her bag down, loosened all tight clothing and got ready to turn him around and start mouth-to-mouth. At this stage, a huge policeman tapped her on the shoulder and said: "Ma'am, I'm sure Ole appreciates your attention, but I am paying him by the quarter hour to try and fish my keys out of the storm sewer."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Plastic Grocery Bags Plastic bag clutter? Quickly smooth the bag. Starting on one side, roll into a sausage. Now tie it in a single knot then tuck each end in. This takes up the space of a small baseball and is neat and tidy. A small container with a lid will keep them contained. By Joan from Ontario, Canada http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Loosely wadded and stuffed into a plastic grocery bag, they make very light weight but very high performance insulation. Fill the attic with those bags, and/or the crawl space under the house or trailer. They won't rot or mildew or feed bugs. I lived in the Yukon for 30 years and KNOW how well those losely wadded up grocery bags work. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A Mormon acquaintance once pushed Mark Twain into an argument on the issue of polygamy. After long and tedious expositions justifying the practice, the Mormon demanded that Twain cite any passage of scripture expressly forbidding polygamy. "Nothing easier," Twain said. "No man can serve two masters."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting the weather for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year. That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position. Hopkins wrote, "The climate didn't agree with me."

» Eggzotica








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RAH 

Robert A. Heinlein Quotes



A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.

Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's supposed to do.

Never do today what you can put off till tomorrow if tomorrow might improve the odds.

Being intelligent is not a felony. But most societies evaluate it as at least a misdemeanor.

No intelligent man has any respect for an unjust law.

A touchstone to determine the actual worth of an intellectual- find out how he feels about astrology.

Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.

The hardest part of gaining any new idea is sweeping out the false idea occupying that niche.

Progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things.

If you pray hard enough, water will run uphill. How hard? Why, hard enough to make water run uphill, of course!

Sex should be friendly. Otherwise stick to mechanical toys; its more sanitary.

The three-legged stool of understanding is held up by history, languages, and mathematics. Equipped with these three you can learn anything you want to learn. But if you lack any one of them you are just another ignorant peasant with dung on your boots.

To get anywhere, or even to live a long time, a man has to guess, and guess right, over and over again, without enough data for a logical answer.

To stay young requires unceasing cultivation of the ability to unlearn old falsehoods.

Sin lies only in hurting others unnecessarily. All other "sins" are invented nonsense.

There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him.

Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.

Men rarely (if ever) manage to dream up a god superior to themselves. Most gods have the manners and morals of a spoiled child.

In a society in which it is a moral offense to be different from your neighbor your only escape is never to let them find out.

Anyone can see a forest fire. Skill lies in sniffing the first smoke.

If "everybody knows" such-and-such, then it ain't so, by at least ten thousand to one.

Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again.

An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.

The greatest productive force is human selfishness.

The human race divides politically into those who want people to be controlled and those who have no such desire.

Obscurity is the refuge of incompetence.

Being right too soon is socially unacceptable.

Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.

Most people can't think, most of the remainder won't think, the small fraction who do think mostly can't do it very well.

If you don't like yourself, you can't like other people.

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.

If you happen to be one of the fretful minority who can do creative work, never force an idea; you'll abort it if you do. Be patient and you'll give birth to it when the time is ripe. Learn to wait.

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

Of all the strange "crimes" that human beings have legislated out of nothing, "blasphemy" is the most amazing, with "obscenity" and "indecent exposure" fighting it out for second and third place.

Belief gets in the way of learning.

Humans hardly ever learn from the experience of others. They learn - when they do, which isn't often - on their own, the hard way.

No matter where or what, there are makers, takers, and fakers.

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering. "Supernatural" is a null word.

It's amazing how much "mature wisdom" resembles being too tired.

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.




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The Prince 


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Can you swap printer ink? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, April 21, 2011

Some of the snow is disappearing. There are very few puddles.
With the dry wind, it just evaporates and heads East. There is
more snow forecast for later today, but then no snow at all for
the weekend and for next week! We will have spring yet!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
When making decisions for yourself, you should use your head; When making decisions that involve other people, use your heart. --- Socratex "If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers." --- Doug Larson
A six-year-old ran up and down the supermarket aisles shouting frantically, "Marian, Marian!" Finally reunited with his mother, he was chided by her, "You shouldn't call me 'Marian.' I'm your mother, you know." "I know," said the child, wise beyond his years, "but the store is full of mothers!"
Download movies, from recent releases to old classics. Full movies in DVD quality Legal and direct, not file sharing! $5 per month for unlimited downloads short term, about $1 per month for unlimited downloads long term. No installation or extra hardware Required! You do not need to be computer experienced to download and watch movies. Simply register, login, and start downloading FULL DVD movies, LEGALLY! * "Unlimited" does not refer to YOUR hard drive space! But you can fill a hard drive for mom between now and Mothers Day! ( If you start soon! )

The psychiatrist was not expecting the distraught stranger who staggered into his office and slumped into a chair. "You've got to help me. I'm losing my memory, Doctor," he sobbed. "I once had a successful business, a wife, home and family; I was a respected member of the community. But all that's gone now. Since my memory began failing, I've lost the business - I couldn't remember my clients' names. My wife and children have left me, too; and why shouldn't they - some nights I wouldn't get home until four or five in the morning. I'd forget where I lived...And it's getting worse. Doctor - it's getting worse!" "This is not an unusual form of neurosis," the psychiatrist said soothingly. There are ways to deal with that, in a rigid sequence of events. The first one is for you to pay me in advance." "Anything, Doc. Here's my VISA." After that was taken care of, he asked the psychiatrist: "OK, now what is the second of those rigidly scheduled events?" The shrink hemmed and hawed a bit, then admitted: "Hmmm, I seem to have forgotten that. I'll have to read up on it. Now, what was it again that you wanted treated?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kendra Colvin, 26, in Crestview, Florida Beer heist CRESTVIEW — Kendra Colvin, 26, was charged with stealing beer from a Tom Thumb without entering the convenience store. On April 2, Kendra Colvin drove her red Chevrolet Impala to the Tom Thumb at 994 James Lee Boulevard. She parked the car at the edge of the parking lot, which was out of the sight of the cashier. The woman’s helper, identified only as “Nikki,” went into the store, grabbed an 18-pack of Bud Light beer, shoved it under her shirt and left the store without paying, according to an arrest report from the Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office. The cashier followed Nikki out of the store and took down the license plate of the Impala. Later, the 26-year-old owner of the Impala dropped Nikki off at an unknown location, the report said. The driver was charged with larceny, a second degree misdemeanor and released on $500 bail.
From Erin Re: Unused printer ink Dear Webby, My HP printer died shortly after the warranty expired. Their warranty timers are getting too accurate for my taste! I won't buy another HP ever! The problem is that I still have lots of ink for it. Can I trade that for ink for a different printer? Thanks Erin Dear Erin That depends entirely on where you bought the ink. If you got it from a good and respectable outfit like Atlantic Inkjet, it is no problem at all. You simply send the ink back to them and tell them what printer you got now. Usually within a few days you will get the ink for the new printer. We did that at least four times already, and there was never any problem. Regarding the HP warranty timers: Buy your printers from Staples and add the $10 extra warranty, put the paperwork into a shipping pouch and stick it to the bottom or side of the printer. When the warranty timer kills the printer, bring it back to Staples and they will exchange it for a new one. By the way, Atlantic Inkjet does have Laser Toner too! If you want to graduate from the short lived inkjet printers and move up to color lasers, Atlantic Inkjet has toner for my favorite, the Dell 1320c for under $25, and you can order just the colors that you actually need. Right now I got a bit over 117,000 on the counter on that old color laser printer, and never had a problem with it. As long as you use high quality toner, a good printer like that will last for many years. Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% legal and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Mother's Day gift, that will actually get used!

An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate. The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again, even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result. "This guy must have messed up the settings," the off-duty officer thought. A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Plastic Coffee Can Yarn Holder Someone wrote in that she rolls her yarn into a ball and puts it in a coffee can with a hole in the lid for the yarn to come up through. I tried that, but the edge of the plastic lid kept cutting the yarn. So I came up with a better method. I still use the coffee can and its plastic lid. But I cut the hole much larger. Then I take a circle of plastic canvas and cut out the center of it just a few rounds in. After doing this I use double strands of yarn and whip stitch all the way around to cover the edge completely. But I only do this for the edge. Next I glue the unworked plastic canvas to the under side of the plastic lid. Now my yarn comes up nicely without catching or breaking. By Cricketnc from Parkton, NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ That sounds like an awful lot of tedious work! Get two small self-stick glue-on dish towel hooks per can. Glue them inside the can near the top on opposite sides. Stretch a rubber band between the hooks and pull the yarn or wool out between or beside the rubber band. The rubber band will keep the yarn ball from jumping out, even when it encounters a tangle. And when you ar done for the day, you can snap the lid on for a dustproof cover. After all, keeping the yarn or wool clean is the reason for the can in the first place! If you don't have access to the dish towel hooks, just poke holes from the inside of the can out, poke a loop of the rubber band out through the hole and anchor it with a short piece of uncooked spaghetti or match. Using a rubber band for the "keeper" allows fast and easy replacement of the ball. I don't do needle work, but for 15 years did my best to reduce my girlfriend's cussing. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Jill complained to Nina, "Rosey told me that you told her the secret I told you not to tell her." "Well," replied Nina in a hurt tone, "I told her not to tell you I told her." "Oh dear!" sighed Jill. "Well, don't tell her I told you that she told me." ------------- That reminds me: A womans definition of a secret: Gossip which is spread only one person at a time.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde. As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled around, slapped Mr. Wilson, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!" Bewildered, Mr. Wilson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I . . . I . . . didn't pinch that girl." "Of course you didn't," said his wife, consolingly. "I did."

» Newspaper House






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What is a double extension? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, April 20, 2011

It didn't snow today, but people sure kept looking over towards
th mountains. There is a lot of fresh snow over there, no bare
rocks showing anywhere. The general feeling is that the delay
of spring is winding up a slingshot. If it stays cold unti May,
and then a hot May sun hits this mess, there is going to be
a lot of flooding.

I am going to test my basement sump pump today.

Usually, after we have a flood, I see quite a few hot water 
tanks out on the lawns, waiting for a trip to the dump.
This time I plan to snag one or two, and put them up into 
my attic. Initially they will just use waste heat, from when 
the sun heats up the space between the roof and the insulation,
and they will pre-heat the water, that goes to the water heater. 
That way the heater just has to top it off a bit, instead of
starting with icy cold water from the feed line.

Since the water heater remains as my biggest energy consumer,
that will make the biggest difference of anything I can do.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
"Isn't it funny that the same people, who laugh at science fiction, listen to weather forecasts and economists?" --- Dianne
Thanks to Mike from http://10000birds.com/ for this story: A duck walks into a pet store and says to the clerk, “Got any duck food?” “No,” says the clerk, “we only sell dog food and cat food.” “OK,” says the duck and walks out. The next day the duck walks in the store and says, “Uh, got any duck food?” The clerk once again replies, “No, like I told you, we only sell cat food and dog food.” “OK,” says the duck and walks out. The next day the duck walks in the store and says, “Uh, got any duck food?” The clerk says, “Hey look, I told you two times already that we only sell cat food and dog food!” “OK,” says the duck and walks out. The next day the duck walks in the store and says, “Uh, got any duck food?” This time the clerk yells, “We don’t sell any duck food and if you come in here one more time asking, I am going to nail your little webbed feet to the ground!” “OK,” says the duck and walks out. The next day the duck walks in the store and says, “Uh, got any nails?” “No,” says the confused clerk. Then the duck says, “Got any duck food?”
Download movies, from recent releases to old classics. Full movies in DVD quality Legal and direct, not file sharing! $5 per month for unlimited downloads short term, about $1 per month for unlimited downloads long term. No installation or extra hardware Required! You do not need to be computer experienced to download and watch movies. Simply register, login, and start downloading FULL DVD movies, LEGALLY! * "Unlimited" does not refer to YOUR hard drive space! But you can fill a hard drive for mom between now and Mothers Day! ( If you start soon! )

"Good afternoon, Landlord, a pint of Less if you please," said the old man. "Less? Never heard of it," replied the barman. "Oh, come now surely you have," he persisted. "No sorry, we certainly don't stock it. What is it anyway? Some foreign beer?" "Well I'm not sure," admitted the man. "It was the doctor who mentioned it. He said I should drink LESS."
Thanks to Ch uck for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. "Don'tKnowNameApr0610" Have FUN! DearWebby
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rita Counts, 48, of Wellington, Florida Woman arrested after remote attack WELLINGTON, Fla. (UPI) -- Authorities in Florida said a woman who used a remote control to strike her husband was charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. The Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office said the husband of Rita Counts, 48, of Wellington, called authorities following a Monday night argument, the Palm Beach (Fla.) Post reported Thursday. The 50-year-old husband, whose name was not released, told deputies his wife had struck him on the head with a remote control and on his head and arms with a telephone during the argument. A deputy's report said the man had "visible red and black bruises which were caused by Rita." Rita Counts iss being held without bail on a charge of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon.
From Marge Re: What are Double Extensions Dear Webby, I do not understand what you mean by two extensions. Do you mean paper clips or forwards? Please explain. Thank you. Marge Dear Marge Sometimes people send you a mail that has a file attached. It could be a picture, music, accounting spreadsheet, ot it could be some nuisance stuff like a virus or a worm. Each filename has an extension, like color coding, that tells the computer what to do with it. If the file "sunrise" is a picture, then probably the extension would be ".jpg" or ".gif" When your computer sees ".jpg" or ".gif" at the end of a file, it knows that it is a picture and it opens the file with a picture viewer or picture editor. If the extension is ".xls" or ".wb4" then Windows knows it is a spreadsheet file and opens it with the right program. Many viruses are hidden by giving them first a safe looking extension and then tackig a different one behind it. If you see for example a file like "backdoor.jpg.bat", then that file is not a picture, but is a program that installs a backdoor for hackers into your computer, and probably also sends itself to everybody in your Outlook or Outlook Express address book. Therefore, whenever you see more than one extension on a file, dump it fast and thoroughly. If you don't see ANY extension at the ends of file names, then either Microsoft or a hacker has turned that off. In that case, open a File Explorer right-click START Explore Tools Folder Options View In there go through all the confusing looking options and make it SHOW all extensions. Don't let it hide anything from you. Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% legal and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Mother's Day gift, that will actually get used!

There are two kinds of home-repair projects: those too big to undertake yourself and those too small to bother with. The first kind, you can't afford, and the second kind, if left alone long enough, will develop into something you can't afford either.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Baskets To Organize Refrigerator And Freezer I find that if I use wire baskets (or plastic) to organize my freezer and refrigerator, it is so much easier to find things and also to clean them. I move the oldest items in the freezer to the bottom bin so they get used sooner. This has saved me a lot of time looking for things. By desertgal from Phoenix, AZ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
One morning, while shaving, a fellow started cursing and swearing so loudly it attracted the attention of his wife, who was preparing breakfast in the kitchen. "What's the matter?" she called out. "My razor -- it won't cut!" he answered. "Don't be silly, dear!" she declared. "You mean to tell me your beard is tougher than linoleum?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Sign posted in the Army recruiting office: "Marry a veteran, Girls! He can cook, make beds, sew, and is already used to taking orders."

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Are double extensions ever safe ? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Thank you John McC

The sun was out today! It wasn't warm enough to melt much snow,
but it felt good to stand in sheltered spots out of the wind 
and enjoy the rays of the sun.

When I went for my walk to the post office after 5, I noticed
that most houses had bare roofs, and only a few still had snow
on them. That makes it really easy to tell, who has proper 
insulation and who is wasting their heating money.

My roof has lots of snow on it. I use a good vapor barrier
in the ceiling, sealed the idiotic attic vents, that the
furnace fuel merchants talked the previous owners into,
and over the years heaved hundreds of shopping bags,
filled with losely wadded up shopping bags and egg cartons,
up there. The insulation value is probably around R-400,
and all those bags are sitting on top of the R-6 insulation,
that was up there, when I bought the house.

Some friends suggested I should patent my ideas about
insulation. Nah, waste of money. With ideas THAT good
and effective, you can't force most people to copy them,
and the rare ones who ARE smart enough, they deserve
a freebie.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. --- Socratex It is bad luck to be superstitious. --- Socratex
The trendy dresser fancied himself quite a romeo, and was delighted to find a note pinned inside a new shirt. It contained a girl's name and address, and asked the recipient to send a photograph. How romantic, he thought to himself, very taken with the idea of this mystery woman so eager to meet him, and promptly mailed off a note and a photo. Heart aflutter, he opened her response. It read, "Thanks for writing. I was just curious to see what kind of guy would buy such a goofy shirt."
Download movies, from recent releases to old classics. Full movies in DVD quality Legal and direct, not file sharing! $5 per month for unlimited downloads short term, about $1 per month for unlimited downloads long term. No installation or extra hardware Required! You do not need to be computer experienced to download and watch movies. Simply register, login, and start downloading FULL DVD movies, LEGALLY! * "Unlimited" does not refer to YOUR hard drive space! But you can fill a hard drive for mom between now and Mothers Day! ( If you start soon! )

One day a salesman stopped by the Jammer Jones farm, knocked, and Jammer's wife Frannie came to the door. "Is your husband home, Ma'am?" he asked. "Sure is. He's over at the cow barn." "Well, I got something to show him, Ma'am. Will I have any difficulty finding him?" "Shouldn't have any difficulties... He's the one with the beard, mustache and glasses, - and no horns."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Black-Swans-in-the-distance Sorry for the slight fuzz, but it was an awfully long zoom to the other side of that lake. Sandie Don't worry, Sandie! It is a great picture and Milions of times better than all the pictures, that were not taken because of worry about fuzz. Have FUN! DearWebby
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Harry Lee Gray, 67, in Fort Pierce, Florida Cyclist says man in electric wheelchair chased her around parking lot on three days ST. LUCIE COUNTY, Fla. - Police arrested a 67-year-old man after a woman said he “charged” her in his electric wheelchair, crashing into her bicycle after chasing her around a parking lot on three days. The victim earlier this week told Fort Pierce police she was on her bicycle when Harry Lee Gray “charged her in his electric wheelchair” at an address in the 600 block of Avenue B, according to a recently released arrest affidavit. She said Gray purposely crashed into her leg and bicycle, knocking her off. Further, she said he picked up the bike, which her late father had given to her, and “slammed” it down, causing the front tire to come off. “(The victim) stated that Gray has chased her on the last three days around the parking lot, but she never called the police,” an affidavit states. Gray, who police said appeared “very intoxicated,” denied doing anything. He then offered the woman money to repair the bike. Witnesses said they saw Gray knock the victim from the bicycle before picking it up and slamming it down. “It should be noted that Gray is not wheelchair bound, and he can walk” the affidavit states. Gray, of the 600 block of Avenue B in Fort Pierce, was arrested on misdemeanor battery and criminal mischief charges.
From Lynn Re: Double Extensions Dear Webby, I know you said to always trash any attachments that have two extensions, because they never have anythin worthwhile but usually something harmful. My brother sent me a letter that had an attachment with two extensions, so I deleted it and told him to clean up his act. He told me they are not bad, and that it can happen when one picks up a page saved from the net and opens it with a spreadsheet program. He told me not to worry about double extensions. Lynn Dear Lynn Yes, it could happen, if somebody is too absentminded to save a file properly, just like it can happen, that somebody like him watches people on the other side of the street,- and walks into a lightpole. Only somebody who has walked into too many light poles would tell others to not worry about double extensions. There may be the odd harmless ooops, but with double extensions the hostile and dangerous files outnumber the ooopses by a Million to one. With viruses and worms it is much smarter to err on the safe side. You did the smart thing. Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% legal and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Mother's Day gift, that will actually get used!

"Here's something that will really make you feel grown up," said a father to his teenage daughter, "Your very own phone bill."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Baskets To Organize Refrigerator And Freezer I find that if I use wire baskets (or plastic) to organize my freezer and refrigerator, it is so much easier to find things and also to clean them. I move the oldest items in the freezer to the bottom bin so they get used sooner. This has saved me a lot of time looking for things. By desertgal from Phoenix, AZ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
On a U.S. cruiser the officer of the deck asked the starboard lookout, "What would you do if a sailor was washed overboard?" "I'd yell 'Man overboard,'" answered the lookout snappily. "Good," said the officer. "Now what would you do if an officer fell overboard?" The lookout asked, "Which one, sir?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Here is an old classic, returned by Collette: During a friendly argument, my husband asked me why I married him in the first place. "I was just stupid," I teased. When he said he was happy to hear that, I requested an explanation. "People get divorced all the time because they fall out of love," he said. "But I've never heard of anybody falling out of stupid."

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Nozzle Rage 




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