Choppers Rules......... 

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven’t sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet…Faggot.

2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer– it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog… ‘Killer, come here! I said get your arse over here, Killer!’ Now think about how you call a cat…’Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!’ Jeeezus, you’re pitched, you’re so queer.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man’s world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases. 5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you’re as camp as a row of tents. A straight man will never be heard ordering a ‘Decaf Soy Latte’. If you’ve put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you’ve had a man there too.

6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free arse passes. A real man doesn’t have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a ‘fressier’ is you’re gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are poofter.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you’re dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to beep at a slow-arsed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge on being an arse puncher.





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Back again, just barely, but back again! 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, September 8

Thank you, Admiral Jim!

The injections into my eyes on Tuesday backfired 
catastrophically. I can just barely read a bit again with a
magnifying glass, and luckily I can typo reasonably well by
touch and feel.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1380 Russians defeat Tatars at Kulikovo, beginning decline of Tatars 
1522 Spanish navigator Juan de Elcano returns to Spain, completes 
  1st circumnavigation of globe, expedition begins under Magellan 
1565 1st permanent settlement in US forms (St Augustine, Florida) 
1565 Turkish siege of Malta broken by Maltese & Knights of St John
1664 Dutch surrender New Amsterdam (NY) to 300 English soldiers 
1863 47 Texas volunteers repel Federal invasion force at 
   Sabine Pass, TX 
1900 6,000 killed when a hurricane & tidal wave destroys Galveston,
    Texas, most deadly in US history 
1920 US Air Mail service begins (NYC to SF)
1930 1st appearance of the comic strip "Blondie" 
1943 Italy surrenders to the allies in WW II 
1944 1st V-2 rocket lands in Britain
1945 US invades Japanese-held Korea 
1952 Ernest Hemingway's "Old Man & the Sea" published 
---
That was the first English book I read, an abbreviated school 
version. That prompted me to order all of Hemingway's books,
full versions, one after the other. 
---
1966 "Star Trek" premiers on NBC-TV 
1967 Surveyor 5 launched; makes soft landing on Moon Sept 10 
1974 Pres Gerald Ford pardons former Pres R Nixon of 
   all federal crimes 
1990 Ellis Island Historical Site opens on Eliis Island, NYC 
2012  smiled

Tomorrow is National Grandparents' Day!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

None are so busy as the fool and knave. --- John Dryden The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. --- Walter Bagehot
>From Frank I was eating lunch with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her, "What day is tomorrow?" She said: "It's President's Day!" She is a smart kid. I asked "What does President's Day mean?" I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln .... etc. She replied, "President's Day is when the President steps out of the White House and if he sees his shadow, we have one more year of BullShit!" You know, It hurts when hot coffee squirts out your nose!
Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. The family trooped out to the driveway, and climbed into the car, where he was about to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately headed for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," said the beaming boy to the ol' man. "Nope," came dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Solvey Hut, half way up the Matterhorn, in Switzerland
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Erica DePalo, 33, in West Orange, N.J. Teacher Of The Year Award Winner - Charged With Having Sex With 15-Year-Old Student Erica DePalo, a 33-year-old teacher at West Orange High School and the 2011 Essex County Teacher of the Year, has been charged with having sex with a 15-year-old student. According to police, DePalo began a sexual relationship with a 15-year-old student on June 15 and continued the relationship until August 28. The alleged victim is a student who attended DePalo's honors English class, according to reports. DePalo, who was named the 2011 Essex County "Teacher of the Year," has been suspended "immediately and indefinitely," according to school administrators. DePalo was booked into jail and charged with first-degree aggravated sexual assault, second-degree sexual assault and endangering the welfare of a child. Her bail has been set at $100,000.
Tech Support Pits: From: Jan Re: Copyright Symbol Dear Webby, A dozen years or so ago you gave a list of symbols. I lost mine! I need the copyright. I thought it was Alt-Ctrl-C, but can't seem to get it to work. Anyway you could publish that list again? Thanks so much, Jan The copyright symbol is made by holding down ALT and typing 0169 with the numeric key pad. NUM-LOCK of has to be on. Here is a picture of the most common key codes: Common Key Codes The complete set is at http://webby.com/humor/char If you don't have a numeric keypad on the side of your keyboard, then you can copy the symbols from that page. If you lose thislink, just go to my Tool Box at http://webby.com/tools and scroll way down. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mark Back of Drawers When Moving If you plan to refinish or move a dresser, chest, or any furniture with more than a couple of drawers; an easy way to remember where each drawer goes is mark on the back of the drawer with a marker pen with "A", "B", "C", "D" or "1", "2", "3", "4". On the inside, after removing the drawer write the corresponding letter or number in the o pening. This will not show on the outside and will come in handy the next time you have to move the furniture. Some d rawers appear to be the same size until you try to replace them and they don't seem to fit. My son came up with this idea when we moved some dressers that had 2 sizes of drawers. By Linda from Arlington, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Over drinks one evening two gentleman were having a discussion about the charms or lack there-of of Pamela Anderson. "I say she's highly over-rated," said one. "Take away her eyes, her lips, her legs, that figure, and what have ya got?" "My wife" said the other.
A bishop discovered a tribe of Indians in the Yukon who had never recorded a baptism, confirmation or marriage. The bishop soon rectified the situation by baptizing and confirming everyone. He also married every beaming couple that walked by. Later, the tribal chief told the Bishop the tribe had never had so much fun. The bishop asked the chief which part they enjoyed the most. "The marriage service," the chief said, smiling. "We all got new wives!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled through his saved numbers, stopped at "Mom" and pushed send. His mother answered, and I told her what happened. "Don't worry," she said, "I'll take care of it." A few minutes later, the cell phone rang. It was "Mom." "Martin," she said, "you left your cell phone at the con- venience store."
» Seashells by the Sea Shore


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Laws of Applied Terror 

First Law of Applied Terror:
When reviewing your notes before an exam, the most important will be illegible.

Second Law of Applied Terror:
The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want.

Third Law of Applied Terror:
80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed and the one book you didn't read.

Fourth Law of Applied Terror:
Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor's course.

Fifth Law of Applied Terror:
The night before the English History mid-term, your biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.

Sixth Law of Applied Terror:
If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

Seventh Law of Applied Terror:
If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.





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Deja Vu All Over Again 







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Extended characters like © 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, September 4

The mails re my explosive diarrhea were quite, ahem, interesting.
Roland mentioned "we have diarrhea. as well and figure it 
must be stomach flue"
Hope he and Ruth feel better soon!

O'Sure claimed it was because I only looked at facts and not
popular opinion about Gullible Warming.

Manin suggested boiling the starch out of rice and drinking
the starchy water, A few suggested to restart the intestinal 
fauna with yoghurt and sauerkraut.

Some suggested it was a bout of lactose intoelrance, and one
even ventured to state that it was lactose intolerance caused
by bad karma acquired because of my life-long attraction to
boobs.

Well, I treated it like food poisoning, and after 16 hours 
of not eating or drinking anything, it was gone. 
Good Riddance!
I have been told once, this always happens before you die,
never afterwards. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
476 Romulus Augustulus, last Roman emperor in west, is deposed 
1609 Navigator Henry Hudson discovers island of Manhattan 
1618 "Rodi" avalanche destroys Plurs Switzerland, 1,500 killed 
1864 Bread riots in Mobile, Alabama 
1870 3rd French republic proclaimed as they overthrow their king
1888 George Eastman patents 1st roll-film camera & registers "Kodak" 
1918 US troops land in Archangel, Russia, stay 10 months 
1948 Queen Wilhelmina of Netherlands abdicates 
1957 Ford Motor Co introduces the Edsel 
1988 Mike Tyson crashes a silver BMW into a tree near Catskills NY 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

What luck for rulers that men do not think. --- Adolf Hitler The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced. --- Frank Zappa One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. --- Rita Mae Brown The reason why so few good books are written is that so few people who can write know anything. --- Walter Bagehot
A woman meant to call a record store, but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. "Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme?'" she asked. "Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children." "Is that a record?" the caller inquired, puzzled in her turn. "I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get."
A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said " Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green." The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what?", the fellow asked the speechless pro. "Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup" the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again. The retiree replied, "Oh great! NOW you tell me!"
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Joyce Coffey, 53, in Epping, New Hampshire Jailed 4 Times In 26 Hours For Repeatedly Blasting Stereo, Throwing Frying Pan At Nephew Joyce Coffey, a 53-year-old Effing woman was jailed 4 times in 26 hours after she allegedly refused to turn down her music, and assaulted her nephew with a frying pan. According to Epping police, officers responded to a noise complaint at Coffey's residence on Tuesday around 3:00 p.m. Officers gave Coffey a verbal warning and left the scene. About an hour later, police received another noise complaint after Coffey allegedly blasted "Highway To Hell" by ACDC through her stereo. When officers arrived at her house a second time, she refused to turn down her music and was apprehended on charges of disorderly conduct. She was released after posting $500 personal recognizance bail. Despite the arrest, officers were called to Coffey's residence again around 9:20 p.m. on a third noise complaint regarding the loud music. She was arrested again, and this time was released after posting $1,000 bail. She was instructed not to turn on her radio at all until 10:00 a.m. the next morning, and she agreed that she would try to keep the peace. Despite the agreement, police received yet another noise complaint about Coffey around 1:10 a.m. When an officer drove by the residence, he could hear ACDC's "Highway to Hell" playing very loudly. Coffey was arrested for a third time, and was released again after posting $10,000 bail. Officers hoped they would not see her again anytime soon, but they were called to her residence again, this time on a domestic disturbance complaint. When officers arrived on the scene, her 49-year-old nephew stated that she threw a frying pan at him while he was picking up some belongings from her home. Coffey was booked into jail for a fourth time on charges of simple assault and breach of bail conditions. She is currently being held in lieu of a $10,000 cash bail.
Tech Support Pits: From: Jan Re: Copyright Symbol Dear Webby, A dozen years or so ago you gave a list of symbols. I lost mine! I need the copyright. I thought it was Alt-Ctrl-C, but can't seem to get it to work. Anyway you could publish that list again? Thanks so much, Jan The copyright symbol is made by holding down ALT and typing 0169 with the numeric key pad. NUM-LOCK of has to be on. Here is a picture of the most common key codes: Common Key Codes The complete set is at http://webby.com/humor/char If you don't have a numeric keypad on the side of your keyboard, then you can copy the symbols from that page. If you lose thislink, just go to my Tool Box at http://webby.com/tools and scroll way down. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Old Credit Cards for Cleaning I use an old credit card to clean the algae off of the front of the aquarium. Also, I took a watercolor class where the instructor used an old credit card like a squeegee to move paint around. By wasshrunk from Redlands, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

>From Chris Over the weekend I happened to catch a glimpse of some National Dog Show event as I flipped through the channels. The dog on the screen at the time was a white English sheepdog. It was simply a mound of fur with four legs. The judge was brushing back the dog's hair so she could look at the animal's eyes. The TV announcer was explaining that each dog has to have its eyes checked to make sure they're the right shape, color, etc., etc. Another announcer chimed in with, "Well, plus the judge has to see if the dog HAS both of its eyes. 'Cuz if you start combing through hair and you only see ONE eye . . . you're looking at the wrong end of the dog."
Three weeks after her wedding day, Maureen called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!" "Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!" "I know, I know!" said Joanna. "But what am I going to do with the BODY?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Bob: One night at an economy motel, I ordered a 6 a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, I awoke before 6, but the phone did not ring until 6:30. "Good morning," a young man said sheepishly. "This is your wake-up call." Annoyed, I let the hotel worker have it. "You were supposed to call me at 6!", I complained. "What if I had a million-dollar deal to close this morning, and your oversight made me miss out on it?" "Well, sir," the desk clerk quickly replied, "if you had a million dollar deal to close, you probably wouldn't be staying in this motel!"
» Summer Fruits


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URL for sex offender locations 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, September 3
Happy Labor Day!

So far it has not been a happy Labor Day for me. Something
caused me to get screaming burn-out explosive diarhea. Yeah
I know, you have had that occasionally too, and I have had it
probably about once a year before, but it is still a major 
nuisance. And I have no clue yet what may have caused it. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1189 England's King Richard I (the Lion-Hearted) crowned in Westminster
1752 This day never happened nor the next 10 as England 
adopts Gregorian Calendar. People riot thinking the govt stole 
11 days of their lives 
1783 Treaty of Paris signed (ending the US Revolutionary War) 
1852 Anti Jewish riots break out in Stockholm
1891 Cottonpickers organize union & stage strike in Texas 
1916 Allies turned back Germans in WW I's Battle of Verdun
1925 Dirigible "Shenandoah" crashed near Caldwell Ohio, 13 die 
1935 1st automobile to exceed 300 mph, Sir Malcolm Campbell (301.337 mph) 
1939 Britain declares war on Germany. France follows 6 hours 
later quickly joined by Australia, New Zealand, South Africa & Canada 
1940 1st showing of high definition color TV
1940 US gives Britain 50 destroyers in exchange for Newfoundland base lease
1943 Allies invade Italy 
1945 Japanese forces in the Philippines surrender to Allies
1967 Sweden begins driving on right-hand side of road 
1976 Viking 2 soft lands on Mars (Utopia), returns photos
1979 Hurricane David, a strong Atlantic storm kills over 1,000 

2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion. --- George Bernard Shaw If you're not using your smile, you're like a man with a million dollars in the bank and no checkbook. --- Les Giblin
An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the "birds and the bees." When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?" The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."
As the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse under the seat. Later I called the company and was relieved that the driver had found my bag. When I went to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers surrounded me. One man handed me my pocketbook, two typewritten pages and a box containing the contents of my purse. "We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained. "I think you'll find everything there." As I started to put my belongings back into the purse, the man continued, "I hope you don't mind if we watch. Even though we all tried, none of us could fit everything into your purse. That's why the stuff is in that bushel box. And we'd like to see just how you get all of it into that purse!"
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Latina Carr, 39, in Gilbert, Arizona Chased Boyfriend Into Bathroom With Pair Of Knives, Dared Him To "Come Out Swinging" Latina Carr, a 39-year-old Arizona woman was jailed Sunday after she allegedly stabbed her boyfriend in the back after she saw a phone call from another woman on his cell phone. According to police, officers were dispatched to the couple's residence just before 6 a.m. Sunday after receiving a call from Carr's boyfriend who stated that he had been stabbed in the back and had taken refuge in the bathroom. Police arrived on the scene and took Carr into custody without incident. Investigators say the couple got into an argument when Carr noticed a call on her boyfriend's cell phone that appeared to be from another woman. When Carr demanded that he call the woman back, and he refused, the two scuffled over control of the phone. That's when Carr went to the kitchen and returned with a pair of steak knives. Police say Carr stabbed the man in the back as he fled into a bathroom and locked the door behind him. Carr allegedly began stabbing the door while screaming that the boyfriend had "better come out swinging." The man decided he was better off waiting it out until police arrived. Carr was booked into jail and charged with aggravated assault, criminal damage and assault/domestic battery.
Tech Support Pits: From: Brenda Re: URL for Sex Offender Locations Dear Webby, I love your newsletter. Now that I have gmail it comes every day thank you for the referral. I have a quick question years ago you ran a spot where you could check out sexual offenders for your state. Do you still have this site? Brenda Dear Brenda Yes, I remember that link. I removed it because a lot of people complained about it. Try this link: Sex Offender Location Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Pills From Sweaters Remove fuzz balls from sweaters with a shaver. Go over the surface slowly and carefully with a disposable razor. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Member of Parliament Geoffrey Dickens tells of attending a fair in his constituency and being followed around by a sweet but exceptionally ugly woman whom he couldn't get rid of. A few days later he got an admiring letter from her asking for his photograph, and signed, after her name, "(Horseface)." Dickens was touched by her humorous modesty and sent off a picture autographed, "To Horseface, with best wishes, Geoffrey Dickens." Some time later his secretary asked him, "Did you get that letter from the woman at the fair? I wrote 'Horseface' after her name so you'd know which one she was."
A man, his wife, and mother-in-law went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $15,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150. The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $15,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150. The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just don't want to take that chance."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Jimmy was at his first day of school. The teacher advised the class to start the day with the Pledge of Allegiance, and instructed them to put their right hands over their hearts and repeat after him. He looked around the room as he started the recitation, "I pledge allegiance to the flag..." When the teacher's eyes fell on Jimmy, he noticed his hand over the right cheek of his behind. "James, I will not continue till you put your hand over your heart." Jimmy replied, "It is over my heart." After several attempts to get Jimmy to put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked, "Why do you think that is your heart?" "Because, every time my Grandma comes to visit, she picks me up, pats me here, and says, 'Bless your little heart,' and my Grandma wouldn't lie."
» Montreal


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Victoria Jackson: "There's A Communist Living in the White House!!" 







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From 1960: How hot is it?  

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that in August it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

I am glad it doesn't get quite THAT hot any more!




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Can you modify the Back-Up bat ? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, September 2

Thank you Joseph!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
490 -BC- Phidippides runs 1st marathon, seeking aid from Sparta vs Persia 
31 -BC- Battle of Actium; Octavian defeats Antony, becomes Emp Augustus 
1666 Great Fire of London starts; destroys St Paul's Church 
1806 A side of Rossberg Peak collapses into Goldau Valley Switz, kills 500 
1901 VP Theodore Roosevelt advises, "Speak softly & carry a big stick" 
1930 1st non-stop airplane flight from Europe to US (37 hrs)
1935 A hurricane slams the Florida Keys killing 423
1936 1st transatlantic round-trip air flight 
1944 During WW II, George Bush ejects from a burning plane 
1945 Ho Chi Minh declares Vietnam independence from France
1945 V-J Day; formal surrender of Japan aboard USS Missouri
1949 Fire in riverfront area kills 1,700 (Chungking China)
1978 John McClain performs 180 outside loops in an airplane over Houston 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why. --- Mignon McLaughlin If you want to see what children can do, you must stop giving them things. -- Norman Douglas If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. --- Kin Hubbard
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, "Take only one. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
A little boy was given a five dollar bill to put in the collection plate. When the offering came around, he wouldn't put it in. But after the end of the service, when he went to shake the pastor's hand, he pulled out the five dollar bill and gave it to the pastor. The pastor asked him, "Why are you giving me this money? Why didn't you put it in the offering plate?" And the boy answered, "Because my mommy told me you're the poorest pastor we've ever had!"
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Trevaun Brooks, 29, Mount Clemens, Mich. Jailed After Having Sex With Girlfriends 11-Year-Old Daughter, Impregnating Her Trevaun Brooks, a 29-year-old Michigan man pleaded guilty Tuesday after he sexually assaulted his girlfriend's 11-year-old daughter who became pregnant as a result. Prosecutors say Brooks was scheduled to go on trial Tuesday when he waved trial proceedings and entered a guilty plea instead. Brooks was convicted on one count of first-degree criminal conduct and two counts of second-degree criminal sexual conduct. Investigators say Brooks had sexual intercourse with his girlfriend's 11-year-old daughter last year when lived with the girl and her mother at their Mount Clemens home. The girl became pregnant and delivered a baby in August.
Tech Support Pits: From: Aletta Re: Modify back-up bat Dear Webby, That back-up bat is so simple and elgant, and FAST! I can't believe it is not in common usage! Can I use it to back up part of a folder to one destination, for example e:\JPG and part to D:\PPS ? Thanks Aletta Dear Aletta Yes, sure you can! You can even get fancy! @echo off color 9E xcopy /S /D /Q c:\!down\*.jpg e:\JPG xcopy /S /D /Q c:\!down\*.pps d:\PPS dir e:\JPG /b > c:\JPGlist.txt dir d:\PPS > c:\PPSlist.txt time /T >> c:\BackupLog.txt date /T >> c:\BackupLog.txt echo JPG and PPS backed up, echo JPGlist.txt and PPSlist.txt updated PAUSE That's it! When you send the output of a command, for example the directory listing, to a file, > replaces the old file >> adds to it. In the JPGlist.txt you don't care what was in there yesterday, you just want to know what is in there alltogether, so you simply replace the old list. With the log, there you want to see when the previous backups were done, especially if other people are using the machine and you demand that they do regular back-ups. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cheap Shower Caps for Food Covers This may sound like a silly tip, but this proved to be very handy when we were camping with friends once, and I found that it works equally well at home. There are times when you need to cover a dish with food in it and just do not have the proper size lid, or a way to hold a cover on it easily. Here is a solution. Go to a dollar or similar type store, and find a package of thin plastic hair caps, used when dying hair. You will find that these will stretch over a large area when necessary, or if you need to use toothpicks to keep them up off of a frosted cake, they are light enough to do that without pressing down. They will fit over so many odd shaped things, even things with handles, and slip down over the handle, closing the area against the body of the container. We now go to a supply store for beauty shops, which we are told are quite common in any area, and get larger packs of them, and of course they are reusable, contrary to the plastic you rip off the roll and try to make stay on something. Just swish them around in sudsy water, same with rinse water, and lay over a hanging towel or use a clothespin to hang up to dry. by Loretta from Theodore, AL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Top Marks this week go to the government agency in Scunthorpe, England, who updated their email system to use Mail Sweeper For SMTP which did it's job brilliantly and filtered out any emails containing profanity or obscene language of ANY kind. All was fine, till they realised that no-one whatsoever had got ANY emails during the whole week since they installed the sofware... They checked through everything and couldn't find a problem, until one bright spark pointed out that all their email addresses contained '@scunthorpe.gov.uk', which in turn contains a term of endearment that apparently many Britons reserve for Government employees.
Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?". But the initials really have been changed to stand for "What would Jesus drive?". One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because the Bible says, "God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury". But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Jesus to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm". Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills". Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land". And, following Jesus' lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda... "The Apostles were in one Accord." Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast". ------------ Can't blame him one bit. If I could afford one, I would buy a Dodge Ram today.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
From 1960: How hot is it? The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground. The trees are whistling for the dogs. The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance. Hot water now comes out of both taps. You can make sun tea instantly. You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron. The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly. You discover that in August it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car. You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window. You actually burn your hand opening the car door. You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?" You realize that asphalt has a liquid state. The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper. Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs. The cows are giving evaporated milk. I am glad it doesn't get quite THAT hot any more!
» Critters Galore


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Back-up bat with log 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, September 1

Thank you Joseph!

Today the sun set at exactly 8 PM.
At 7 PM I got a great deal on a couple bobs of corn.
On my walk I went by a fruit stand, mostly just to look
at their prices. The prices were pretty good, and a few 
people were standing in line for fruit.

The corn was labelled "2 for 50 cents". For here in range
cattle country above prairies with a few thousand miles of 
wheat, corn is usually two for a dollar.

One woman there was commenting that she uses an electric
knife to shave the kernels off the cob. The old, retired farm 
hand, who was selling the stuff, must have gotten cranky 
from standing there all day, and blew up on that. He called 
her a dumb cluck, and told her that for yuppies like her, corn
came in a can, and that the reason for buying corn on the cob
was to get the full flavor, that you ONLY get, when you 
gnaw it off a cob.

I agreed, and said, "Yes, with REAL butter and some salt and 
pepper, and if your lips are not burning and your nose does 
not run when you are finished, then your corn was as stale
as if it had come in a can."

The old guy just lit up and grinned, grabbed two cobs of corn
and handed them to me. "These have your name on it. Enjoy
them on me!"

I gratefully accepted them and spent my coins on red plums
at 49 cents per pound, and I noticed, the woman with the 
electric carving knife, bought half a dozen cobs of corn to 
see if she could get the.hot-lips effect.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
312 -BC- Origin of Greek Era-Start of Indiction of Constantinople 
69 Traditional date of the destruction of Jerusalem 
891 Northmen defeated near Louvaine, France
1267 Ramban (Nachmanides) arrives in Jerusalem to start 
   Jewish community
1614 Vincent Fettmich expells Jews from Frankfurt, Germany
1661 1st Yacht race, England's King Charles vs his brother James
1666 Great London Fire begins in Pudding Lane. 
   80% of London is destroyed
1739 35 Jews sentenced to life in prison in Lisbon Portugal 
1799 Bank of Manhattan Company opens in NYC (forerunner to 
   Chase Manhattan) 
1874 Sydney General Post Office opens in Australia
1878 1st female telephone operator starts work (Emma Nutt, Boston) 
1905 Alberta & Saskatchewan become 8th & 9th Canadian provinces 
1918 US troops land in Vladivostok, Siberia, stay until 1920
1918 US troops land in Vladivostok, Siberia, stay until 1920
1945 Japan surrenders ending WW II
1948 Communists form North China People's Republic
1961 USSR tests nuclear bombs in central Asia
1962 10,000 die in an earthquake in western Iran
1962 UN announces Earth population has hit 3 billion
1969 Libyan revolution, Col Moammar Gadhafi deposes King Idris 
1982 Palestinian Liberation Organization leaves Lebanon
1983 Korean Boeing 747 strays into Siberia & is shot down by a Soviet jet 
1985 US-French expedition locates wreckage of Titanic off Newfoundland 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. --- Robert Benchley
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "Honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,"Thou shall not kill."
While working as an airline customer-service agent, I got a call from a woman who wanted to know if she could take her dog on board. I told her the dog was welcome, as long as she paid a $50 charge and provided her own kennel. I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around and roll over. "I'll never be able to teach him all that by tomorrow!" she said, and hung up.
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

A few readers told me that the bright flashes in yesterday's picture were actually towns, mostly in Florida. Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Brenda White, 36, in Salt lake City, Utah Brenda White - Pleaded Guilty To Chasing Husband With Truck, Running Him Down Twice Brenda White, a 36-year-old Utah woman pleaded guilty Monday after she allegedly chased her husband with her SUV, plowed through an office building's front doors and struck her husband, twice. According to police, White drove to her estranged husband's workplace in April, 2006 to discuss signing refinance papers on their house when the couple had a disagreement over the paperwork. That's when White allegedly told her husband that she was going to "wipe him off the earth" before storming back to her truck. White returned to her husband's work about 4 hours later, revved the truck's engine and then sped after her husband as he attempted to flee on foot. When the man fled into a nearby office building, White chased him and crashed through the building's front doors. White struck her husband with the truck, tossing him 10 feet across the room. When the victim got to his feet and tried to flee again, White struck him a second time with the truck. The man reportedly suffered a broken leg and received more than 60 stitches to his arms, legs and face. White was arrested and charged with aggravated assault and criminal mischief. In court, White's attorneys argued that she was suffering from "extreme emotional distress" and had taken too much Xanax prior to the attack. The couple were in the midst of a divorce that apparently wasn't going well. The husband testified that his wife came to his work place during lunch and played the song "Angry Johnny" by the singer and songwriter Poe. The song includes lyrics that say "I wanna kill you, I wanna blow you away." White would then make a gun gesture with her hand and point it at his head, according to the victim's testimony. The week-long trial ended in an abrupt mistrial August 10 when several jurors were heard discussing the case in an elevator outside the courtroom. Jurors were instructed to refrain from discussing the case during the trial proceedings. Prosecutors were poised to continue the case during a scheduling conference on Monday when White entered a guilty plea instead. The judge accepted the plea and concluded the case. White is scheduled to be sentenced on January 8, 2013 for her 2006 crime.. Seems to me the Utah judiciary needs to get a Bonehead Award too!
Tech Support Pits: From: Rosie Re: Back Up bat with log Dear Webby, Once upon a time, long, long ago, when you were a harried mobile tech, occasionally sprinting through our offices with a computer and your tool case under your arms, or a quarter-ton IBM 3810 laser printer on your shoulder, fixing not just hardware, but anything from bimbo-malfunctions to Word Perfect macros, you wrote me a back-up bat. I transfered it to every new machine I got and it worked fine from DOS 3 to Windows XP. Unfortunately, a little guy with a big mouth did not shut up, when he should have, and needed a tune-up, causing me to have to spend time at the Government Resort up the hill. At my new job we use W7, yuck! and of course it does not have your back-up bat, that I had carefully transferred from one machine to the next. Can you pretty please write me a new one just like that one, with a log of backaup dates? Thanks Rosie Dear Rosie We sure had fun in those days! OK, here is your old bat, as far as I remember it: @echo off color 9E xcopy /S /D /Q c:\docs e:\docs time /T >> c:\t.txt date /T >> c:\t.txt echo Rosie's back-up bat has done it again! >> c:\t.txt type c:\t.txt pause Here is an explanation what each line does: @echo off stops it from echoing the commands to the screen color 9E changes the screen color from grey text on black to bright yellow text on blue xcopy.... copies only those files and folders that are newer at the source than at the destination time /T >> c:\t.txt puts the time into the t.txt log date /T >> c:\t.txt writes the date in there echo Rosie's ... writes a line of text as a break between groups of date and time, so that it's clear to which date the time belongs. type c:\txt writes the log to the screen pause pauses everything to let you see the log and asks for a key press Anybody new to bats: Write the bat with a plain text editor and save it as b.bat , not b.bat.txt, but as b.bat Then make a shortcut to it and drag the shortcut icon to the desktop. Change the icon to a fun and recognizable one. Whenever you hit that icon, a fast back-up will happen, but only of those files in c:\docs, that are newer than the ones in e:\docs It does not waste time on files, that have already been backed up and have the same date and time in both locations. You can, of course, change the source and destination locations to what YOU need backed up. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Water Plants With Leftover Tea Don't throw out your leftover tea. Instead feed it to you indoor or outdoor plants for an extra boost. Use brewed unsweetened tea only. By Ivy from Rancho Palos Verdes Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the smiling bride arriving at the church, the happily laughing bride at the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she said, "it's like halloween, right, but backwards. Mommy put on a nice disguise and had a pretty woman's face painted on top of hers, so that you would not see how scarey she really is. "
"Here's something that will really make you feel grown up," said a father to his teenage daughter, "Your very own phone bill."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and some on-line advertising were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up again, he said to the person at the end of the line: "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!"
» Camp Fire Songs


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Who owns the Windows you paid for? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, August 31
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



There was a beautiful full moon during tonigh't walk. At the
start of it it was just over the horizon, and almost  a 
daylight moon, by the end it was well up in the already 
dark sky.over the prairies. The prairie sky was still clear,
using up billions of cubic feet of CO2 to grow and matur 
grain. The Gullible Warming wackos should be paying us 
for getting rid of their CO2!

However, any increase in the CO2 is very welcome by the 
farmers. For them, CO2 is wheat fuel, corn fuel, soy fuel,
tomato fuel. Whenever they hear about some volcano cranking
up the CO2, they are grinning! Well, if nobody watches too 
closely. When town folk watch them, they complain about 
not enough rain or too much rain or too high combine 
mortgage payments.

For prairie farmers, a good volcano can make the difference 
between breaking even or not. 

When visiting the prairies it is safest to drive a big Dodge 
RAM 3500 4x4 with a Cummins 6.7 Liter Turbo Diesel, 
definitely not some little import, that doesn't pay it's way 
in CO2, and that they might back over accidentally.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1535 Pope Paul II deposed & excommunicated King Henry VIII
1902 Split skirt 1st worn by Mrs Adolph Landeburg (horse rider) 
1907 England, Russia & France form the Triple Entente 
1919 Communist Labor Party of America formed in Chicago 
1954 Hurricane Carol (1st major named storm) hits New England, 70 die 
1955 1st microwave TV station operated (Lufkin, Tx)
1955 1st sun-powered automobile demonstrated, Chicago, Ill 
1977 Aleksandr Fedotov sets aircraft alt rec of 38.26 km (125,524') 
1978 Symbionese Liberation Army founders William & Emily Harris 
plead guilty to 1974 kidnapping of newspaper heiress Patricia Hearst 
1988 5-day power blackout of downtown Seattle begins 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"There are more important things in life than money, but they won't go out with you if you're broke." --- Hemingway I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. --- Woody Allen
>From Diana I had just moved into a new apartment and was having prob- lems with the mailman, who was delivering the previous tenant's mail to my address. Hoping to resolve the situation, I enlarged my name on the mailbox, but he still kept giving me the wrong letters. Finally, I left a note saying that he was delivering the mail incorrectly. The next day I went to the box to find this addition to my message: "Madam,, I am delivering the mail correctly. You're just living at the wrong address."
At our local funeral home families are given the chance to chose the music they would like to enter the service to. One family asked to enter to Elvis Presley's hit, "Love me Tender." The day of the funeral arrived and the music was started ready for the family to walk in to the service. Unfortunately the wrong track number was entered into the CD player, and the family found themselves walking in to, "Return to Sender."
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Nana for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Isaac-at-night-08-29-2012 The bright spots are lighning. The rest is just lit by the moon. It is a time exposure, probably a minute long.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Edward Valdez, 45, Sacramento. California Jailed After Fleeing Police On Go-Cart Edward Valdez, a 45-year-old parolee-at-large was jailed after he allegedly led police on a low-speed chase while driving a go-cart. According to police, an officer tried to stop Valdez after observing him on a go-cart driving "recklessly." Investigators say Valdez fled from the officer using the go-cart, reaching speeds of up to 25 mph. Valdez then jumped from the go-cart, ran across a backyard and into a home. Officers located Valdez inside the home and took him into custody without further incident. Valdez was booked into jail and charged with evading arrest and resisting police. According to some people, sitting in a parked Go-Cart is reckless, and not letting a deputy take it for a spin is even more reckless. Dumb move, when the guy is on parole!
Tech Support Pits: From: Alex Re: Chess.dll Dear Webby, While trying to defrag my C: drive, I came across some stuff, that I don't need or want. For example, "Wild Tangent." I remember years ago you wrote that "Wild Tangent" was spyware. So I dumped that. Then I found C:\Program Files\Microsoft Games\Chess I have never played chess and don't even know anybody, who does. When I tried deleting that folder, I was not allowed. Is that some virus hiding in there? Alex Dear Alex You paid for Windows 7, but you failed to read the small print. In there it says you just have the right to use W7 on an "As Is" basis, as long as you are a good boy/girl/otherwise and behave nicely in the eyes of Microsoft. It does not tell you, that you OWN what you bought. You just bought permission to use some parts of what you paid for. It is as if you hired a sexy maid and signed a two year contract without reading the small print, and later found out that she does not do ironing or bedroom chores. You agreed and signed. Tough. Like that Chess folder, there are various places, where you arenot allowed to delete stuff. Wild Tangent you can get rid off, no problem. That is just spyware. But whatever else, that has not been defragmented, is off limits to you. Don't worry about those. Since you don't use them, those fragments are of absulutely no consequence. Just get rid of stuff like that "Wild Tangent", and don't worry about the rest. You can NEVER get the C: drive completely defragmented, because PageFileSys fragments every time you touch the mouse, and the cache files are just as bad. Run the defragmenter now and then, and leave plenty of space on the C: drive, but don't get an ulcer about it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Christmas Decorations in Santa Sacks Each year I store away all my decorations in Santa sacks that have a drawstring top. When Christmas rolls around again I get the bags down from the storage rack in garage. There is no dust and everything is just where I left it. By Melinda B from Melbourne, Australia Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Dining out one evening I noticed some teenagers celebrating at a nearby table. When one girl pulled out a camera, I offered to take a picture of the group. After one photo I suggested taking another just in case the first one didn't turn out. "That's ok," she said as she took her camera back. "I always get double prints."
My friend David's colleague at a package-processing center was trapped in a small rest room by a faulty lock. When he was finally discovered, David and another worker were able to open the door with some difficulty. The lock was still jammed, so they blocked the door open while a maintenance worker was called. A bit later, David noticed the door was closed again. He jiggled the doorknob and a voice from inside called, "Get me out!" "Don't worry," David replied, "Maintenance should be sending somebody." "They did," said the voice.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Kati for this story: To preface this joke: They started "Dumb Blonde jokes" so brunettes & redheads could understand them. I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing? I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing?" I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days." I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the boss yelled after her: "...And where do you think you're going?" She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"
» Blue Moon


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Air Defense 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, August 30

Thank you John!

I noticed last week that Ophelia had made her monthly trip 
to Costco for medication, and grazing the samples. 
Today it was my turn. I too find Costco a great deal.
Theoretically it is just for business people, but normally 
they don't check if  Consulting is a real 
company or not. If they do in your area, get a $50 company
check from a friend, who has a company, and use that to 
get your card, with YOUR name and picture on the back.

Once you have a  card, you can invite friends to come along,
and charge them $5 per trip, until your card has been paid
for. You will make your money back quite quickly with the
stuff you buy, but cash from friend's trips is easier to keep
track of.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
31 -BC- Origin of Era of Augustus 
1645 Dutch & Indians sign peace treaty]\
1885 13,000 meteors seen in 1 hour near Andromeda
1888 Lord Walsingham kills 1070 grouse in a single day
1941 Siege of Leningrad by Nazi troops began during WW II 
1945 Hong Kong liberated from Japan
1979 1st recorded occurrence-comet hits sun 
      (energy=1 mil hydrogen bombs) 
1979 Pres Carter attacked by a rabbit on a canoe trip in Plains Ga
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. --- Robert Frost No one goes there nowadays, it's too crowded. --- Yogi Berra
"Doctor!" whined the patient. "I keep seeing spots before my eyes." The physician scratched his head, "Why have you come to me? Have you seen an opthalmologist?" "No," replied the patient, "just spots."
An editor at CNN was busy slaving away at spicing up the copy that came in from reporters, so that there was adequate blood and gore to attract viewers, and enough anti-Republican slant to satisfy the union, when a suit walked in and threw a folder on his desk with the remark: "Today, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident." "Oh no!" exclaimed the editor, "that's terrible!" People at nearby desks sat stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the editor sat, head in hands. Finally, the editor looked up and asked, "How many is a Brazillion?!"
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Nana for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Daniel Hooper, 42, Saint Louis, Missouri Kidnapping Wheelchair-Bound Woman From Hospital, Sexually Assaulting Her Daniel Hooper, a 42-year-old St. Louis man was jailed after he allegedly kidnapped a wheelchair-bound woman from a local hospital, then sexually assaulted her. According to St. Louis Metropolitan Police, the victim was sitting in her wheelchair at Barnes-Jewish Hospital when Hooper reportedly pushed her outside of the hospital without her permission and proceeded to grope her breasts and genitals. The victim was unable to defend herself due to her medical condition. Investigators say Hooper is not employed with Barnes-Jewish Hospital. According to court records, he has a lengthy criminal past, including past convictions of second-degree assault, burglary, theft, and discharge of a weapon, among other charges. Neither prosecutors nor hospital officials will say how he managed to get the woman past security. No one is saying how Hooper was caught. Hooper was booked into jail and charged with two felony counts of sexual abuse and one count of kidnapping.
Tech Support Pits: From: Bess Re: Facebook Friends Dear Webby, I agree 100 % about what you wrote about FaceBook. The number of FB "frieds" is totally meaningless, since none of them would lift a finger or give you a penny, if you got in trouble and needed help. Strangers always cheerfully accept friend requests, it's jealous relatives you got to watch out for. Somebody suggested making a list of who you sent friend requests to, to find out who is backstabbing you, but why bother? It makes no damn diference anyway. I have not been on FaceBook for two months, and what have I got to show for that? A very nice tan all over, front and back, and every spice jar in all of my spice racks washed and sparkling clean. Bess Dear Bess Good for you! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Track of Photos When Traveling My daughter's hobby is photography. On a recent vacation out west, she used the following tip to keep track of her photos. As we entered a new state, she would do one of the following: Take a picture of the "Welcome to" state sign. Take a picture of the road map for that state. Or use sign language to indicate the initial of the state and take a picture of her hand. For example, she would make a signed "M" when we entered Montana and take a picture of that. Then she would know what state the next photos belonged in for her album. Source: My daughter's idea By skeesics56 from NW Ohio Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

For Air Defense artillerymen, the Annual Service Practice is an important event as it's the only time they're permitted to fire live missiles. It draws not only the inspectors, but also several dignitaries. As the safety officer during one such event, I was in the control tower along with our executive officer. The exec was explaining the day's activities by the public-address system to visitors who were in a safe viewing area. Suddenly, on the firing line, a soldier lit up a cigarette. Before I can react, the exec grabbed the microphone and shouted, "PUT OUT THAT F@#$%& CIGARETTE!" Two generals, a Congressman, and the local mayor obediently responded.
One day at a trial, an eminent psychologist was called to testify. A severe no nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair unaware that it's rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform. "Will you state your name?" asked the district attorney. Tilting back in her chair, she opened her mouth to answer, but instead catapulted head-over-heels backward and landed in a stack of exhibits and recording equipment. Everyone watched in stunned silence as she extricated herself, rearranged her disheveled dress and hair and was reseated on the witness stand. The glare she directed at onlookers dared anyone to so much as smirk. "Well, doctor," continued the district attorney without changing expression, "we could start with an easier question."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
There were two beggars sitting side by side on a street in Mexico City. One had a Christian cross in front of him, the other one the Star of David. Many people went by, looked at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the one sitting behind the cross. A priest came by, stopped, and watched many, many people give money to the beggar behind the cross, but not to the beggar behind the Star of David. Finally he went over to the beggar behind the Star of David and said, "Don't you understand? This is a Catholic country. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross." The Star of David beggar listened to the priest and, turning to the Christian cross beggar, said: "Moishe, ... look who's trying to teach marketing to the Goldbaum brothers!"
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Blocked on FaceBook 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, August 29

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
5502 -BC- Origin of Alexandrian Era 
29 John the Baptist beheaded
284 Origin of Era of Diocletian (Martyrs)
1526 Hungary conquered by Turks in Battle of Mohacs
1708 Haverhill, Mass destroyed by French & Indians
1758 1st indian reservation established 
1844 1st white-indian lacrosse game in Montreal, Indians win 
1854 Self-governing windmill patented (Daniel Halladay) 
1885 Gottlieb Daimler receives German patent for a motorcycle 
1896 Chop suey invented in NYC by chef of visiting Chinese Ambassador 
1929 German airship Graf Zeppelin ends a round-the-world flight 
1939 Chaim Weizmann informs England that Palestine Jews will fight on 
  England's side in WW II, causing Hitler to become a fanatic Jew hater. 
1944 15,000 American troops liberating Paris march down Champs Elysees
1949 USSR explodes its 1st atomic bomb 
1953 USSR explodes its 1st hydrogen bomb
1970 Black Panthers confront cops in Phila (1 cop killed) 
1990 Saddam Hussein declares America can't beat Iraq 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing. --- Michael Pritchard Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own. --- Doug Larson
The bride was anything but a tidy housekeeper. It didn't bother her much until one evening when her husband called from the hall, somewhat dismayed: "Honey, what happened to the dust on this table? I had a very important phone number written on it."
The bride-to-be was advised by the marriage counselor to never completely disrobe in front of her husband when retiring, for decorum's sake. One night, six weeks after the wedding, the husband said to his bride, "Is there any insanity in your family?" "Why, no," she said. "Why do you ask?" "I was merely wondering," said he, "why you haven't taken your hat off since we've been married?"
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Nana for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Joshua Basso32, Dover, Floriduh Slow Learner - Charged With Calling 911, Requesting Female Deputy To Have Sex With, again Joshua Basso, a 32-year-old Florida man was jailed Friday after he allegedly called 911 seven times, asking to have sex with a female deputy. According to the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office, Basso called 911 seven times over a two-day period and requested a female deputy that he could have sex with. Deputies finally drove out to Basso's home where he allegedly admitted to placing the calls. He was placed into custody and charged with seven counts of making false 911 calls. Basso looks familiar, doesn't he? He got a Bonehead award for the same thing in 2009 That time he claimed,his phone was out of minutes, and only 911 was free. Basso has a long list of other offenses, that he has been arrested for. Those arrests included charges of grand theft auto, drug possession, trespassing, domestic violence, battery, burglary and several other repeat offenses. Seems to be homesick for jail.
Tech Support Pits: From: Anita Re: Facebook friendling block Dear Webby, I got blocked by Facebook andcan't send Friend requests for two weeks. Yes, I know, Zuckerberg is an AOLer at heart and allergic against accountability, and won't admit to who claimed I spammed them with friend requests. To add insult to injury, one has to listen to some Jewish Princess sniveling about sending friend requests to people I don't know. I don't send friend requests to just anybody, but if I sorta recognize somebody, and see they have 80, 90, or more friends in common with me, then I send them a Friend Request. And whensomebody sends me a Friend Request, or a recommendation to add them, then of course I add them. Is there anything I can do to getout of that block? Anita Dear Anita Everybody gets put into that silly block now and then. Don't worry about it. So what? That might gain you some time, that you can put to productive use. Probably your Mother-In-Law was jealous that you have five times as many Facebook "friends" as she does, sent you a recommendation to add her, recommended by herself, and when you did, you got slapped with the block and had to listen to the sniveler, before you were allowed in to just look around. Be careful about those recommendations! Quite often they lead to traps. Also be extremely careful when somebody nags you about adding them. Also try to read their comments. If they mention going to jail or on vacation, don't send a Friend Request. Ignored requests cause you to getblocked. Above all, though, don't take it personally. It's just a sandbox run by widdle goilies who encourage silly power trips and don't allow accountability. Until the time that they DO admit to who complained about you, you can't take it seriously. Just some silly goilie, who is jealous over how many "friends" you have, is powertripping. So what? Why not doing something productive instead? Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Your Leaves As Winter Mulch Have you mulched your leaves yet? After spending years raking up those fall leaves, I got pretty tired of having a second set of leaves fall from the Oak trees. I decided to make short work of the job by using my mulch mower and ran the mower over the leaves, which mulched them all and enriched my lawn happily at the same time. The lawn may not be as neat and tidy, but it sure will be happy having all that extra fertilizer on it, and it will be even happier next spring, and so too will you! Go mulch those leaves! Source: Gardeners around the globe By Kghornsten from Davis, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Thanks to Dorothy from http://akwildlife.com/ for The Miracle Toddler Diet People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat of their diets, or quit after 3 days. Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet. Over the years you may have noticed that most two year olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult your doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good Luck !!! DAY ONE Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes. Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest). Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Pepsi. Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor. DAY TWO Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye. Lunch: Eat a half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired. Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on rug. Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with spoon. DAY THREE Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterdays sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on the cushion of best chair. Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up. Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch. Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if possible. FINAL DAY Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog. Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it. Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert. Margaret was really peeved! She was arguing with the druggist because her favorite cure-all could not be bought without a prescription. "Look, lady. You can't have this without a prescription because it's a habit-forming drug." "IT IS NOT!" yelled Margaret! "I ought to know...I've been taking it regularly for seventeen years!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The tall, handsome, confident gentleman walked over to the girl and made a disparaging remark about the men who had been chatting her up. She laughed gaily, "When I don't want a man's attentions," she confided, "and he asks where I live, I just say, 'I'm visiting here'." "Ha-ha," he laughed, relishing her humor. "Where do you really live?" "I'm just visiting here."
» Fiber Arts


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Weekly Hotmail problems 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, August 28

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1776 Battle of Long Island 
1867 US occupies Midway Islands in the Pacific 
1916 Italy declares war against Germany during WW I 
1963 Evergreen Point Floating Bridge connecting Seattle & Bellevue
1964 Race riot in Philadelphia
1968 Police & anti-war demonstrators clash at Chicago's Dem Natl Conven
1986 US Navy officer Jerry A Whitworth sentenced to 365 years for spying 
1988 70 killed in crash of 3 Italian AF fighters at air show in Germany
1990 Iraq declares Kuwait its 19th province 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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The men who really believe in themselves are all in lunatic asylums. --- G. K. Chesterton
Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions. One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!" There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score. The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator. "Wow," he said. "Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"
Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. Still, he was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, "Honey, take the wheel... Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore and dock it." So she drove the boat to shore and safely docked it. Later that evening, the wife walked into the livingroom where her husband was reading a novel. She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, "Honey, go into the kitchen. Pretend I'm having a heart attack and set the table, cook dinner, wash the dishes and do the ironing."
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Antonio Martinez, Spring Hill, Floriduh Floriduh male got ex- girlfriend jailed after beating her because she refused to have sex with him A 23-year-old Florida woman, was jailed Saturday after her ex-boyfriend claimed she attacked him when she refused to have sex with him. According to the Hernando County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to the pair's residence after receiving a domestic violence complaint. Antonio Martinez and the victim are no longer a couple, but they continue to reside together in the same residence. Investigators say deputies spoke with the woman, who stated that she and her ex-boyfriend got into a verbal confrontation after she refused to be intimate with him. That's when he claimed, she allegedly attacked the poor innocent Antonio Martinez, repeatedly striking him in the back. She claimed that her ex-boyfriend hit her in the face and attempted to choke her, however, deputies were unable to find any injuries to substantiate her allegation, even though they took pictures of her busted lip. The woman was booked into the Hernando County Jail and charged with domestic battery.
Tech Support Pits: From: Jackie Re: How to copy without Windows blocking it? Dear Webby, I have a couple questions for you. You mentioned a while back how to change a line into a hyperlink by doing F2+enter? I've tried that and can't get it to work. I tried highlighting, etc. I guess I read you wrong somewhere. The other one is a problem with my homail getting highjacked every Monday afternoon. I have McAfee and have scanned with that and Windows Defender and can't find anything wrong with my pc. Yet, for the third Monday my hotmail account got hacked and I have to go through security questions and change my password to get back into the account. I can't think of anything I did that was unusual or could caused the account to get compromised while I was sitting at the pc this afternoon. Do you think there is a virus on my pc or could it be something else? What do you suggest I do? Thanks, Chuck Dear Chuck You have to be in Excel for that. In Excel, type a proper URL, like for example http://webby.com/humor If it does not underline when you hit ENTER, go to a different cell and then back to it, hit F2 to open it for editing, and THEN hit Enter You have to be in Excel for that to work. Or in Eudora, of course. In Eudora that has worked for 20 years now. Re Hoe'mail malfunctions, there is absolutely nothing you can do about that. It seems, Microsoft does not want you to use it any more, and they are going to be a real nuisance until you smarten up and get some different email addresses. It is not just you. On Weekends the mail to thousands of HoeMail users bounces. You can use the email offered free by your ISP, and use the email program of your choice. Take your pick: Comparison_of_e-mail_clients Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mix Nail Polish Colors for a Custom Look Are you almost out of your favorite color of nail polish and can't afford to buy more this week? Then just get 2 bottles of different colors you have already, and mix them together to make a new color. Don't add any polish remover to it though, it will ruin it. I do this when I get low on polish, and it works fine. Try it. By Laurie from Oregon Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

The suave Central American diplomat was talking to the prim and proper Washington hostess. "In my country," he said, "the most popular of all activities is making love." Shocked, the wide eyed hostess said, "Oh! Isn't that revolting?" "No," the diplomat replied, "that's our second favorite activity."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Taking advantage of a balmy day in New York, a priest and three other men of the cloth swapped their clerical garb for polos and khakis and time out on the golf course. After several really horrible shots, their caddy asked, "You guys wouldn't be priests by any chance?" "Actually, yes, we are," one cleric replied. "How did you know?" "Easy," said the caddy, "I've never seen such bad golf and such clean language!"
» Fiber Arts


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How to copy without Windows blocking it? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, August 27

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
26 -BC- Origin of Egyptian Era
1665 "Ye Bare & Ye Cubb" is 1st play performed in N America 
   (Acomac, Va) 
1667 Earliest recorded hurricane in US (Jamestown Virginia)
1776 British defeat Americans in Battle of Long Island
1783 1st hydrogen balloon flight (unmanned); reaches 900 m altitude 
1789 French Natl Assembly issues "Decl of the Rights of Man & the Citizen"
1859 1st successful oil well drilled, near Titusville, Penn
1883 Krakatoa, west of Java, explodes with a force of 1,300 megatons 
  After that the sun was not visible for a year for most of the earth.
  Very poor growing season, but no lasting effect on the climate.
1939 Erich Warsitz makes 1st jet-propelled flight (in a Heinkel He-178) 
1945 US troops land in Japan after Japanese surrender 
1962 Mariner 2 launched; 1st probe to fly by Venus
1966 Race riot in Waukegan Illinois
1990 52 Americans arrive in Turkey from Iraq 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs? --- Spike Milligan Two paradoxes are better than one; they may even suggest a solution. --- Edward Teller There are two kinds of light-- the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures. --- James Thurber "You know, I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon." --- Ellen DeGeneres
A group of senior citizens were exchanging notes about their ailments. "My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup." "Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't see to pour the coffee." "I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck." "My blood pressure pills make my dizzy." "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old." "Well, it's not all bad. We should be thankful that we can still drive!"
Little was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. "Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?" asked his mother. "He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness. Or she was until thought for a second and asked, "I'm glad you don't do any thinking. You would look silly without hair."
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Dad for sending these pictures: Click on the picture for the large version See the flower cradled in the petrified arms? Click on the picture for the large version The arms turn into rock as hard as granite, but carry live nerve bundles and arteries in the center.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Charlie Rogers, 33, in Lincoln, Nebrska Lesbian Charged With Cutting Anti-Gay Slurs Into Her Own Flesh, Reporting It As a Hate Crime Charlie Rogers, a 33-year-old Nebraska woman was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly carved anti-gay slurs into her flesh and then filed police report stating that she had been a victim of a hate crime. Lincoln police and emergency responders were dispatched July 22 when 911 operators received a report of a house on fire. Officers arrived at the scene to find Charlie Rogers sitting across the street. Investigators say Rogers crawled from the burning home naked and bleeding, stating that she had been a victim of a gruesome hate crime. Rogers told police that three masked men broke into her home, carved anti-gay slurs into her flesh and tried to burn down her house. She went on to say that one man pinned her down while another man carved a cross into her chest, cut up her legs and sliced derogatory words into her arms and abdomen. The men then turned her over and cut her buttocks and legs. As police began investigating the alleged hate crime, it quickly became apparent that Rogers' account of what happened didn't match up with evidence inside the home. Detectives found a pile of clothes, white gloves and a red box cutter on the living room floor of Rogers' home. Although Rogers claimed that the gloves did not belong to her, a forensics lab found her DNA inside them instead of an alleged perpetrator. Detectives also discovered that Rogers had purchased a box cutter, gloves and zip ties at a local Ace Hardware store a few days prior to the incident. She then sent photographs of her injuries to a friend a few days before the purported attack took place. DUH!!! Detectives examined Rogers' Facebook page which provided them a first possible motive in the case. Police say Rogers posted messages on her Facebook profile that announced a plan she had to "spark change" in the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community. "So maybe I am too idealistic, but I believe way deep inside me that we can make things better for everyone. I will be a catalyst. I will do what it takes. I will. Watch me," Rogers reportedly posted four days before the alleged attack. Federal and local law enforcement spent more than "change" investigating the case. Final cost of the investigation hasn't been completed because detectives are still investigating and processing evidence. Rogers was booked into jail and charged with making a false police report. She was released without bail pending her next court appearance. They are ready for the pimply-faced 33 year old to pull some other stupid stunt. And she will be fined for the cost of the investigation.
Tech Support Pits: From: Jackie Re: How to copy without Windows blocking it? Dear Webby, My mom has a program to copy files from one drive to another, that does not fail, when it encounters a file with the same name. She claims you wrote it for her, when she was still working for the Government in the late 80's or early 90's. She copies that program from one machine to the next, and it simply works. However, she can't explain to me how it works. Just that it does. How can I use it too? Jackie Dear Jackie Most likely that is the XX.bat. It copies whatever is newer at the source than it is at the destination, and unlike Windows or DOS, it does not abort when it encounters a file with the same name or a write protect error. You copy the XX.bat into your Windows/System directory. After that you can use it anywhere. XX source-directory/*.jpg destination * is a wildcard. All files with a .jpg ending will be copied to the destination folder. XX C:\Users\Owner\Music\*.mp3 D:\music copies all the MP3 files from C:\Users\Owner\Music to D:\music If you don't want a certain file to be overwritten with a newer version, simply make it ReadOnly The XX.bat will skip it without stalling. To make the XX.bat, open any clean text editor. NOT a word processor! WordPad or NotePad work OK, justmake sure they don't mess up the file name and hang .txt at the end of it. Open your favorite text editor and save a new file as XX.bat to c:\Windows\system Into the file type: @echo off xcopy %1 %2 /D /E /C /H /R /K /Y /Z echo === copied %1 to %2 pause The "pause" command at the end will keep it open, tell you what it has done. and ask you to hit any key. Yep, that is where all the "Hit Any Key" jokes are from. Save it, and the program is ready to be used. To use it, go to the folder, where the source files are. HIT CTRL SHIFT right-click That gives you the option to open a command prompt right there. At the command prompt type xx source destination and hit Enter. Naturally, you fill in what the source and the destination are. Otherwise the computer won't know, and the XX will play really stupid. If you copy certain files to a Back-Up drive or camera chip every day or every week, you can make your life even easiser! Let's say the source files are in C:\Accounting\invoices\2012 and the ones, that are newer there than on the 8 GB back-up chip, that goes into the little coin pocket on your bra strap when you go home, then you would write another bat. Save this one as xxchip.bat @echo off echo Remember the chip! xcopy C:\Accounting\invoices\2012\*.xls I:\ /D /E /C /H /R /K /Y /Z echo === copied XLS files from C:\Accounting\invoices\2012\ to the Chip pause Make a shortcut to it and fit it with a snazzy desktop icon. Then whenever you hit that icon, it will back up your XLS files onto the 8GB camera chip in the card reader. You can of course make bats like that for any copying tasks that you frequently have to do, and hang cute icons on them for handy triggers. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Power Strips to Eliminate Energy Waste If you seldom use your computer's peripherals, save money by plugging those devices into a separate plug-strip that you can switch 'on and off'. Even if you have your devices turned off, those little transformers are still drawing watts if plugged in. A separate plug strip (for those peripherals) turned 'off' will save you some money not a tremendous amount, but still savings. Just switch it on when you need to use one of the items. By cajun62234 from Collinsville Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

This is a call that came into the 911 emergency line: 911 operator: 911 what is your emergency? Man: Hey dude, I need an ambulance. (static in the phone line interrupts call) 911 operator: A what? Man: I need an ambulance. A dude just got hit by a car. 911 operator: Okay, where are you? Man: I'm down here on Sycamore Street. (static in the phone line becomes worse) 911 operator: Where are you? Say it again. This static makes it hard to understand you. Man: I'm at Sycamore Street! (static still continues) 911 operator: Maybe it would be easier to understand you if you spell where you're at. Man: All right. S-y-c-k...no, no that ain't right. S-i- c-k...no...S-e...S-y. I'll tell you what, I'll drag the dude over to Lee Street; you can pick him up there. ------------------ That reminds me of the quaint little town in Austria where I went to University. There was a Gasthaus on Gymnasium Alley that was packed full of students every night, trading cheat sheets and exam notes, and drinking lots of beer. Quite frequently freshmen keeled over shortly after exiting into the fresh air on Gymnasium Alley and had an imprompty nap attack. The cops usually picked them up on their hourly rounds, but according to the paper, every single one of them always was reported as having been found sleeping on Burg Street.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I was trying to get my seventh-grade history class to under- stand how the Indians must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers. "How would you feel," I asked, "if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual and weird clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?" "Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just figure it was my sister's date."
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How to lock the titles or header Excel? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, August 26

Neil Armstrong died today.

43 years ago he was the first human to step onto the moon.
For many of us the moon never seemed the same after that.
It was no longer a mystical and wondrous thing, but just
hardware, like a street light. If somebody was interested,
they could study it.

The old farmer's rules still applied, though. If you did not
put sewage and manure out onto the fields when the moon
was "under-going", (the crescent like the lower part of a "U"),
then it stunk and you got yelled at. I wonder if NASA has 
figgered out why that is the case?

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
55 -BC- Roman forces under Julius C‘sar invade Britain 
1346 English longbows defeat French in Battle of Crocy
1791 John Fitch grants US patent for his working steamboat 
1883 Krakatoa erupts with increasingly large explosions kills 36,000
1914 Germans defeat Russians in Battle of Tannenberg
1920 19th amendment passes-women's suffrage granted
1957 USSR announces successful test of ICBM
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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You're smart when you only believe half of what you hear, Wise is when you know which half to believe. --- Socratex Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money. --- George Carlin Is this a bad idea? The folks at Sprint announced it is developing a TV cell phone. It will let you watch TV on your cell phone. They have the perfect name for it: 'Nine Dead in Interstate Pileup.' --- Jay Leno
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in he world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down. The head elder then stood and announced, "For our closching schong, let usch sching h-ick, ahem Hymn 365, "Schall We Gather at the Rrrriverrrrr!"
A man sued his wife for divorce. He told the judge, "Your honor, my wife is so immature, she barges in while I'm taking a bath and sinks all my boats!"
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Lillemor for sending these pictures: Click on the picture for the large version Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Sherrell Evans, 22, Britley Green, 22, and Geneen Green, 44 in Bellview, Illinois Jailed for Attacking Red Lobster Waitress because She Refilled Their Glasses Too Frequently Three Bellview, Illinois women have been charged after they allegedly attacked a Red Lobster waitress because she filled their water classes too frequently. Sherrell Evans, 22, Britley Green, 22, and Geneen Green, 44, were jailed Friday after they allegedly assaulted a waitress working at Fairview Heights Red Lobster on Friday. According to police, the women repeatedly struck the waitress with their hands and a menu after they became irritated with the frequency of their water refills. The women were booked into jail and charged with felony counts of mob action and aggravated battery in a public place. Each are being held in lieu of $50,000 bail.
Tech Support Pits: From: Chris Re: How to lock the titles or header Excel? Dear Webby, You showed us how to do it at least once before, but because I did not need it then, I was not paying attention. I need to lock the header row, like you do in Quattro. I think you mentioned that Excel can do it too, but I can't find any option or command for it. How is it done in Excel? Chris Dear Chris In the late 80's and early 90's, when Quattro and Excel were racing each other and at the same time trying to avoid getting sued by Lotus or each other, they sometimes used weird names for doing the same thing. Quattro was first with "locked titles", so Microsoft had to come up with a different term for doing the same thing. They called it "Freezing Panes". Yeah, kinda dumb, but with other items, where they were first, Quattro had to grasp for alternate terms. It was a royal pissing contest in the sandbox, but it sure spurred on development of better and faster spreadsheets. So, to "Freeze Panes" in Excel, you highlight the cell below the header row, or to the right of the side label row, click on Window, and select: Freeze Panes. That accomplishes the same as "Locking Titles" in Quattro. The titles or header row will remain visible, just like they were on a printed strip pasted to the upper monitor rim, while you scroll the rest of the spreadsheet up and down. For those of you, who are curious about Quattro: It is now owned by Corel Office. You can get older versions of Corel Office on eBay for $15 and up. Corel Office contains Word Perfect , Quattro, and a whole suite of office programs. In Quattro you highlight a cell below or to the right of the row or column, that you want to appear like printed and glued on titles, and click on VIEW, Locked Titles. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Colander to Remove Excess Salt from Nuts We love pistachios, but many times they have a lot of salt on them. I discovered that by shaking them in a mesh colander, I was able to removed a large quantity of the salt. I also shake pumpkin seeds. By mascenika from Westminter, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Morris sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression. The bartender asked him, "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with Sarah, your wife?" Morris replied, "We had a fight, and Sarah told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month." The bartender commented, "That should make you happy." To which Morris answered, "No, the month is up today!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local card and novelty shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss." He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said, "Your wife called, she said she did not authorize that sign!"
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How to sort rows in spreadsheets? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, August 25

Thank you, Frank!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1609 Galileo demonstrates his 1st telescope to Venetian lawmakers 
1689 Montreal taken by Iroquois
1718 Hundreds of French colonists arrive in Louisiana; New Orleans founded
1830 Belgium revolts against Netherlands
1875 Matthew Webb becomes 1st to swim English Channel (21h 45m) 
1912 1st time an aircraft recovers from a spin 
1919 1st scheduled passenger service by airplane (Paris-London) 
1921 US signs peace treaty with Germany
1940 1st parachute wedding 
1943 US forces overran New Georgia in Solomon Islands during WW II
1944 Paris liberated from Nazi occupation 
1945 Jewish immigrants are permitted to leave Mauritius for Palestine 
1981 Mark Chapman, John Lennon's murderer, is sentenced to 20 years
1983 US & USSR sign $10 billion grain pact (seed grain for USSR)
1990 UN security council authorizes military action against Iraq
2012  Mark David Chapman's parole application has been denied, again.
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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The only thing I like about rich people is their money. --- Nancy Astor The price of freedom of religion, or of speech, or of the press, is that we must put up with a good deal of rubbish. --- Robert Jackson
One morning, after her husband had gone to work, his wife decided to have a leisurely bath. She undressed and then remembered that the gas was still on in the kitchen. Wrapped in a towel, she went downstairs. She was about to turn off the gas when she heard footsteps. She realized at once that it was the milkman since the arrangement was for him to deliver the milk to the kitchen. So she ran to the nearest door, the broom cupboard and made it just in time. The footsteps grew louder and the door opened. It was the man from the Gas Company who had called to read the meter. For a moment she was speechless. Then she said, "Sorry, I was expecting the milkman."
Resume Blunders How bad a mistake can you make on your resume? Here are some real-life examples: "My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable." "Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting." "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store." "Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet." "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse." "I am a rabid typist." "Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side." "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business." "Proven ability to track down and correct erors." "Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far." "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one." "References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me." "Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer." "Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers." "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage." "I procrastinate--especially when the task is unpleasant." "I am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail." "Qualifications: No education or experience." "Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets." "Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department." "Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!" Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version These bloomed today.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to David Pepe, 30 Atlanta Pimp Given Life Sentence for pimping of 14 Year-Old Runaway A 30-year-old Atlanta man was sentenced to life in prison Monday after being convicted of charges related to sexually abusing and pimping a teenage runaway, the Fulton County District Attorney’s Office announced and the AJC reported. A jury found David Pepe guilty of trafficking of persons for sexual servitude, pimping, aggravated child molestation, enticing a child for indecent purposes and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Pepe sexually abused a 14-year-old whom he persuaded into prostitution within three days of meeting her in April 2009, prosecutors said. The defendant had sex with the teen, took her to pick up customers, took half of the money they paid her and later said he deserved all the money, according to information presented in court. Her mother did not agree with that and text messages, that the teen sent to her mother were forwarded to law enforcement authorities, who returned the teen to her family. Pepe was caught during a traffic stop in Cobb County. The case was the first to be prosecuted by the District Attorney’s human trafficking unit.
Tech Support Pits: From: Elaine Re: How do you sort in Excel? Dear Webby, You mentioned sorting in a spreadsheet. How do I sort a spreadsheet, so that everything is sorted, not just the first column. I mean, each row has to stay on that row, not staying the same, while the first column only gets sorted. Sounds confusing, but I am sure you know what I mean. Elaine Dear Elaine Yes, I know what you mean. The integrity of each row has to be preserved. You shuffle entire rows up and down, not just parts of them. That is actually the default. Highlight the bottom most and right most cell, that is in use. Hit CTRL SHIFT HOME to highlight everything between that cell and the A1 HOME cell. You can continue to hold down SHIFT and scoot the hughlight down a few rows, if you have column headers taking up more than one row. Once you have just the cells, that you want sorted, highlighted, click on DATA, SORT You get a little screen, where you can specify the three most important sort criteria. The way that works, if you have the column with LAST names as the first search criterium, when there are more than one SMITH, you use the FIRST name as the second sort criterium, and if there are more than on John Doe, then you use their birthdate or weight as the third sort criterium. With each of the criteria, you can select ascending or descending sort.. Click on Header Row, if you want it to ignore one row on top. Then hit OK. In a flash, your spreadsheet will be sorted exactly the way you specified. As long as you remember to exclude header rows on top and total rows at the bottom, the sorting is quick and painless. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Colander to Remove Excess Salt from Nuts We love pistachios, but many times they have a lot of salt on them. I discovered that by shaking them in a mesh colander, I was able to removed a large quantity of the salt. I also shake pumpkin seeds. By mascenika from Westminter, CO Check out your nearest Bulk Barn. They have unsalted nuts and seeds for incredibly low prices. I once bought $5.00 worth of roasted pumpkin seeds to help me stop smoking. That was about two and a half years ago, and I stopped smoking long before I had eaten all the pumpkin seeds. I noticed the other day, I still have more than a handful of them in that jar. I think they were 29 cents per pound, and since roasted seeds are extremely light weight, not much heavier than popcorn, you get a huge bag for very little. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Jones is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug nuts. The nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain. Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, where one of the inmates has been watching the whole thing. "Hey, pal! Why don't you just take one lug nut off each of the other three wheels? That'll hold your tires on until you can get to a garage or something." Jones is startled by the patient's seeming rationality, but realizes the plan will work, and installs the spare tire without incident. Before he leaves, he calls back to the patient. "You know, that was pretty sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?" The patient smiles and says, "I'm in here because I'm crazy, not because I'm stupid."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it to do over again. "Sure," she replied, "but not the same ones."
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How to insert a row in a spreadsheet? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, August 24
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



It is becoming more and more obvious that General McCrystal
was right, and that peace in Afghanistan is not possible 
without first defeating the Taliban, and scaring the crap out
of them. Dogooderism simply does not impress them, and just
leads to good soldiers being murdered at social events.

Especially with a weak home front, there is no point in
continuing on the current path. Somebody should 'splain that
to the White House. Either get serious, or get out. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
79 Mt Vesuvius erupts, buries Pompeii & Herculaneum
410 Rome overrun by Visigoths, symbolized fall of Western Roman Empire 
1572 King Charles IX orders massacre of thousands of French Protestants
1662 Act of Uniformity requires English to accept book of Common Prayer 
1814 British sack Washington, DC, White House burned 
1853 1st potato chips prepared by Chef George Crum 
   (Saratoga Springs, NY) 
1869 Waffle iron invented
1891 Thomas Edison patents motion picture camera 
1909 Workers start pouring concrete for Panama Canal 
1912 Territory of Alaska organized
1949 North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) established
1981 Mark David Chapman is sentenced to 20 yrs to life for 
   John Lennon's murder 
1987 Announcement of possible Martian tornadoes 
1990 Iraqi troops surround US & other embassies in Kuwait City
1991 Gorbachev resigns as head of USSR Communist Party
1991 Ukraine declares independence from the USSR 
2012  Mark David Chapman's parole application has been denied, again.
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new. --- Henry David Thoreau Better old fashions than no fashions! --- Socratex
Long ago there was once an old native American who wanted a loan for $500. The banker pulled out the loan application, "What are you going to do with the money?" "Take jewelery to city and sell it," was the response. "What have you got for collateral?" "Don't know collateral." "Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?" "Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup." The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?" "Yes, I have a horse." "How old is it?" "Don't know, has no teeth." Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said. He then handed the banker the money to pay his loan off. "What are you going to do with the rest of that money?" "Put in tepee." "Why don't you deposit it in my bank," he asked. "Don't know deposit." "You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it." The old Indian leaned across the desk, "What you got for collateral?"
When an applicant asked if the company had a fitness program, the human resources manager replied, "Oh, our employees don't need one. They are routinely jumping to conclusions, flying off the handle, beating around the bush, running down the boss, going around in circles, dragging their feet, dodging responsibility, passing the buck, climbing the ladder, hiding in paperwork, pulling strings, throwing their weight around, stretching the truth, bending the rules, stabbing others in their backs and pushing their luck!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Sean Foxx, 27, Latreila Woods, 24 in SAN ANTONIO, Texas Marriage proposal after arrest for robbing a Dollar Store Police say a man identified as Sean Foxx, 27, proposed to his girlfriend, Latreila Woods, 24, after the pair had just been arrested in connection with an aggravated robbery at a Family Dollar Store. Investigators said Foxx was in a getaway car outside the Dollar store Monday morning waiting for Woods to finish shoplifting and come out. Store managers claim Woods was shoplifting and they attempted to stop her as she was trying to leave through a locked one way door. Foxx saw what happened and then went inside, police said. "He sees that she's in trouble so he goes into the store to try to help her escape, goes on in through one of the open doors next to the one that was locked, and tells her come on out that way. They exit the store. He threatens the managers telling them that he'll be back to get them because they were going to hurt his girlfriend," said Sgt. Daniel Alonzo, SAPD Robbery Task Force. Foxx and Woods were arrested a short time later and charged with aggravated robbery. Police said after the arrest Foxx popped the question and Woods accepted. Foxx also claimed the pair did not rob the store and employees, who stood in the way to block her escape, tried to injure his girlfriend. The boneheads failed to realize that any kind of interaction or altercation elevates shoplifting to robbery, and even though the merchandise at a dollar store is sold profitably for a dollar a piece, stealing stuff is still shoplifting, and trying to evade arrrest turns it into robbery.
Tech Support Pits: From: Frank Re: Insert a row in spreadsheets Dear Webby, I read your Humor letter every day, and vote when it works. Now my problem. My wife is in charge of membership a the Rock club that we belong too and she has to keep up the membership list up to date in alphabecial order. she's working with w spread sheet and I need to know if she can insert a name in order without having re-enter all the names below it, thank you, Frank N Dear Frank Yes, sure! Highlight the row below where you want a new one, by clicking the row counter number in the left margin, click on INSERT select ROW Most spreadsheets will replicate column colors automatically, and also column formatting. For example, if the second column is formatted for Short Date, it will also have that format in the newly created row. If you have formulas or counters, you generally have to copy them from the row above it. You can also add new rows at the bottom, and then sort. You can specify the columns to be used for sort criteria. On some days you may prefer an alphabetical sort, on others a birthday sort, and sometimes you need a sort by renewal due date. Any new member will automatically get sorted in exactly where they belong. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycled Boot Tray For Muddy Shoes Use the bottom of a broken plastic laundry basket as a boot tray for muddy shoes. Cut the broken top off and discard. The boot tray can easily be hosed off to keep it clean. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day. "What for?!?!?" he snapped at the judge. His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared out loud: "Twenty dollars for contempt of court! That's why!" Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented: "That's all right. You don't have to pay now." The young man replied, "I know. But I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The psychiatrist was interviewing a first-time patient. "You say you're here," he inquired, "because your family is worried about your taste in socks?" "That's correct," muttered the patient. "I like wool socks." "But that's perfectly normal," replied the doctor. "Many people prefer wool socks to those made from cotton or acrylic. In fact, I myself like wool socks." "You DO?" exclaimed the man excitedly. "With oil and vinegar or just a squeeze of lemon?"
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Paper or eBooks for course? 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, August 23

At the store today I saw the exact plums, that I grew up with.
Dark blue, with a whitish looking dusting on the blue. Easy to
split, and to remove the pit. In those days, they were called
"Buehler", after the family, that had originally produced it by
trying many different crossbreeds, and finally wound up with
a true hybrid, that could be grafted onto any plum tree.

At the store here they were labelled "Italian Prune Plums".
Ha, little do they know!

My earliest memories of those plums were being a toddler, 
picking up plums to eat, and being told not to pick the soft ones,
because bees and wasps went after those. Well, the soft ones
were sweeter, and yes, I got stung in the mouth. I have stayed
away from soft plums of any kind ever since.

Later memories were from climbing high up into the plum tree.
It was about 40 feet high. My job was to climb up high and 
shake it like a spastic monkey, to shake all the ripe plums down
onto the bedshets spread under it. The grown-ups of course
egged me on to be as crazy as possible, and even threw plums 
at me. 

In the fall I pruned the inside of the tree, basically cut all 
new shoots that would have gotten in the way of me playing
spastic monkey and running up and around inside the crown 
of the tree. 

Even when I went to college and University I was still doing 
that. Somehow my little brothers never got into that.
I loved that tree!
A year after I left for Canada, they said that tree died.

When I saw those Buehler plums today, and that they were 
cheaper than apples, I put my apples back and got some plums
instead.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1572 In France, late this night, Catholic conspirators began 
  massacring thousands of Huguenots (French Protestants), 
  under orders of Catherine de Medici, advisor to her son, 
  Charles IX, King of France. 
1617 1st one-way streets established (London) 
1833 Britain abolishes slavery in colonies
1869 1st carload of freight arrives in SF, from Boston
1872 1st Japanese coml ship visits SF, carrying tea
 1889 1st ship-to-shore wireless message received in US (SF) 
1904 Automobile tire chain patented 
1914 Japan declares war on Germany in World War I 
1917 Race riot in Houston Texas (2 blacks & 11 whites killed) 
1939 USSR & Germany sign a non-agression pact 
1966 Lunar Orbiter 1 takes 1st photograph of Earth from Moon
1977 1st man-powered flight of a mile (Bryan Allen in Gossamer Condor) 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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It is said that power corrupts, but actually it's more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power. --- David Brin It is the nature of all greatness not to be exact. --- Edmund Burke Nothing endures but change. --- Heraclitus (540 BC - 480 BC)
I recently saw a distraught young lady standing beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker," she explained, exasperated. "Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a con- venience store a couple blocks down) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me to inspect. I took the key and manually unlocked the door. "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."
Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office. When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest. This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Stacey Kerres,47, in Melbourne, Florida Babsitter Found Topless, Passed Out In Hotel Parking Lot Stacey Kerres, a 47-year-old Florida woman was jailed Thursday after she was found laying topless in a hotel parking lot - while the child she was hired to babysit was left alone. According to police, officers were dispatched to the River Palm hotel after hotel staff found a five-year-old boy who had been left unattended. Officers arrived to find the boy playing video games with the hotel staff. The boy told officers that he had been left with a babysitter while his mother was at a local casino for the night. During a search of the hotel grounds, officers found Kerres laying topless in the parking lot of the hotel - not far from the room where the mother and her son were staying. Kerres, who appeared lethargic and incoherent, struggled to talk and was unable to tell officers where she had left the boy. She was booked into the Brevard County Jail and charged with child neglect.
Tech Support Pits: From: Vi Re: Paper or e-books Dear Webby, I am planning to take a course and have a choice to get the material on paper books or on e-books. The e-book version is a lot cheaper, of course. Which version would you recommend? Vi Dear Vi I would recommen the e-book version without the slightest hesitation. With e-books you CAN print them, if you need paper. You can even print just those pages that you want, like indexes or summaries. You can also take screen captures of paragraphs or illustrations and paste those into word processor documents, no need to laboriously typing the stuff or manually recreating graphs. With e-books you aren't just saving trees and money, you are getting a lot more value. DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycled Boot Tray For Muddy Shoes Use the bottom of a broken plastic laundry basket as a boot tray for muddy shoes. Cut the broken top off and discard. The boot tray can easily be hosed off to keep it clean. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Dear Webby, can you bring back that list of silly laws that you once printed? Thanks, Flo Sure, Flo. Here they are: In Klamath Falls, Oregon, it is illegal to kick the heads off snakes. Anyone stealing citrus fruit in Yuma, Arizona can legally be given castor oil as punishment. The California penal code prohibits the shooting of any animal, except a whale, from an automobile. It is illegal to wear a mask in Denver, Colorado. In Kentucky there is a law against sleeping in a restaurant. In Idaho you cannot fish for trout from the back of a giraffe. An old Boston law prohibited citizens from taking more than one bath each week. If a Michigan woman leaves her husband, then he is entitled to take possession of all her clothing. In Idaho you cannot buy a chicken after dark without permission from the sheriff. Setting fire to a mule is prohibited in Maine. It is a crime in several states to dance to the "The Star Spangled Banner." It was once illegal in Boston Massachusetts to own a dog more than ten inches high. Public checker-playing is against the law in La Crosse, Wisconsin. In St. Louis Missouri it is against the law to let rubbish collect on your roof. Alabama: It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. Connecticut: You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour. You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands. Florida: Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. (Topless is OK, just not in a swim suit) Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. Illinois: It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets. Indiana: Bathing is prohibited during the winter.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Couples who have lived together a long time have their own way of communicating. A friend overheard her aunt and uncle one day: "What are you looking for in that closet?" she asked. "Nothing," he answered. "Well, they're not in there. Look under the bed."
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Should old drivers be removed? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednsday, August 22

Kathleen sent me a long letter about Caring bridge
Caring Bridge is not just for taking your dogs for a walk 
and doing your shopping, if you have an accident and can't 
do it yourself for a while. It also works as a central information
resource, where out of state friends and relatives can look 
up how you are doing, if you are in hospital and can't update
them yourself. Definitely worth checking out!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
565 St Columba reported seeing monster in Loch Ness
1454 Jews are expelled from Brunn Moravia by order of King Ladislaus 
1485 Richard III slain at Bosworth Field-last of Plantagenets
1775 King George III proclaims colonies to be in open rebellion 
1787 John Fitch's steamboat completes its tests, years before Fulton 
1791 Haitian Revolution begins
1846 US annexes New Mexico
1851 Gold fields discovered in Australia 
1906 1st Victor Victrola manufactured
1910 Japan annexes Korea 
1988 Australia unveils 1st platinum coin (Koala) 
1989 1st complete ring around Neptune discovered
1990 Pres Bush calls up military reserves
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. --- Lily Tomlin Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take; but by the moments that take our breath away! --- Socratex
>From Roland A New York retail clerk was suffering from aching feet. "It's all those years of standing," his doctor declared. "You need a vacation. Go to Miami, soak your feet in the ocean and you'll feel better." When the man got to Florida, he went into a hardware store, bought two large buckets and headed for the beach. "How much for two buckets of that seawater?" he asked the lifeguard. "A dollar a bucket," the fellow replied with a straight face. The clerk paid him, filled his buckets, went to his hotel room and soaked his feet. They felt so much better he decided to repeat the treatment that afternoon. Again he handed the lifeguard two dollars. The young man took the money and said, "Help yourself." The clerk started for the water, then stopped in amazement. The tide was out. "Wow," he said, turning to the lifeguard. "Some business you got here!"
A man limped into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, my knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!" The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then said, "Sir, how old are you?" "I'm 98," the man announced proudly. The doctor just sighed, and looked at him again. Finally he said, "Sir, I'm sorry. I mean, just look at you. You are almost one hundred years old, and you're complaining that your knee hurts? Well, what did you expect?" The man said, "Well, my other knee is 98 years old too, and it doesn't hurt!"
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Barb for this picture Click on the picture for the large version The local Calgary penguins assemble for the weekend's Gullible Warming Convention
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Sandra Russell, 26, and Steve McDaniel, 29, Rule's 2 Da game of Hoez During a raid on the Long Island home of an alleged pimp, cops recovered a handwritten list of ten management rules to follow when turning women out on the street, investigators report. In announcing today’s arrest of eight defendants for their alleged roles in a prostitution and heroin ring, Suffolk County prosecutors released a copy of “Rule's 2 Da game of Hoez!!!” The list, which investigators allege was prepared by Steve McDaniel, was recovered from the Coram home he shares with Sandra Russell. McDaniel, 29, and Russell, 26, were allegedly the ringleaders of the narcotics operation. Additionally, Russell has been accused of running the prostitution ring from her residence, where she paid hookers in heroin, according to Suffolk County District Attorney Thomas Spota. The “Hoez” rules was a “document from Steven McDaniel outlining for Russell his management advice on the operation of a prostituton business,” added Spota. Pictured in the above mug shots, McDaniel (3 counts) and Russell (15 counts) were named today in a felony indictment filed in Supreme Court
Tech Support Pits: From: Sophie Re: Remove old drivers ? Dear Webby, I bought the mouse that you recommended and I'm VERY happy with it. However, I have a question. I didn't UN-install the driver for the old mouse. Is that going to cause grief some day? Thanks Sophie Dear Sophie Unused drivers are like last weeks horoscope: Not looked at any more. Windows only looks at the driver for the currently active mouse. Old mouse drivers are totally ignored. However, since they do take up space, I recommend to un-install no longer used drivers. DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Refurbishing Candles If you have warped candles, dunk them in a pan of warm water to make them pliable enough to bend back straight. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

A woman in Arkansas brought her baby in to see the doctor, and he determined right away the baby had an ear ache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it. Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil. The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label: "Put two drops in R ear every four hours."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A teacher was teaching his kids about survival in the desert. "What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked. Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc. Then in the back eagerly raised a hand. "Yes, , what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked the teacher. replied, "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards." "Why's that, ?" the teacher asked. "Well," answered , "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration." "And what about the deck of cards?" asked the teacher. "Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, 'Put that red nine on top of that black ten'!"
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How do Idelete addresses from Gmail? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, August 21

Don't be in a rush to install Microsoft updates or McAfee
updates. They clash and cause major problems.
For now the fix is to start in Safe Mode and revert to before
the Microsoft Updates.

McAfee got really busy and seems to have fixed their 
problem by about 4:30 am this morning. They sure wasted 
a lot of my time! Don't combine updates for a while!

Nobody knows when the new and improved bugs in Windows 
are ready for prime time. Just hold off with updating 
Windows until at least next Tuesday.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1680 Pueblo Indians took possession of Santa Fee from Spanish 
1841 John Hampson patents venetian blind
1883 Providence shuts out Phillies 28-0 
1959 Hawaii becomes 50th US state
1963 Martial law declared in S Vietnam
1972 1st hot air balloon flight over the Alps 
1988 Cease fire between Iran & Iraq takes effect after 8 years of war
1991 Communist coup is crushed in USSR in 2 days 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people, it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government - lest it come to dominate our lives and interests". -– Patrick Henry All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others. --- George Orwell It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back. --- Mick Jagger "Television is a medium because anything well done is rare." --- Fred Allen Washington is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm. --- John F. Kennedy
I was the nurse caring for a couple's newborn first child, a son, after his cesarean birth. Since the mother was asleep under general anesthesia we took our tiny charge directly to the newborn nursery to introduce him to his daddy. While cuddling his son for the first time, he noticed the baby's ears conspicuously standing out from his head. He expressed his concern that some kids might call his son names like "Dumbo." The pediatrician reassured the new dad that his son was healthy, the ears could be easily corrected later during childhood. The father still worried about his wife's reaction to those large protruding ears. "She doesn't take things as easily as I do," he worried. By this time, the new mother was ready to meet her precious son. I placed the tiny bundle in his mother's arms and eased the blanket back so that she could gaze upon her child for the first time. She took one look at her baby's face and looked to her husband and gasped, "Oh, Honey! Look! He has your elephant ears!"
A man pacing back and forth glanced at his watch and yelled upstairs to his wife, "Honey, are you ready yet?" Shouting back, the woman replied, "For crying out loud, Ed, I've been telling you for the last hour... I'll be ready in a minute!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Cesar Osuna. Child Abuser Who Fled To Mexico Found Impaled On Fence Cesar Osuna, a former Delano, California man accused of beating his girlfriend's 2-year-old son to death, suffered a gruesome death after he was found impaled on a fence. New information has been released after the conviction of a mother, 23-year-old Noemi Mendoza, who reportedly left her 2-year-old son in the custody of a man she knew to be dangerous. According to police, Cesar Osuna fled from the scene after he allegedly used a blunt object to beat his girlfriend's 2-year-old son to death. An autopsy revealed that the boy died from blunt force trauma, multiple rib fractures, torn abdominal membranes and a skull fracture. Police say Osuna abused the child in the past, and that the mother was aware of the abuse and left the child in his care anyway. Mendoza was convicted of willful cruelty to a child, while Osuna fled the country to Mexico to avoid prosecution. Investigators say Osuna was on a job, when he touched a live wire, fell and was impaled on a metal fence, where he eventually died. Delano police traveled to Mexico and met with federal police who showed them the body. Photographs of various tattoos and other physical attributes belonging to Osuna were matched to the body found in Mexico. The mother, who is now serving her sentence, has two children and is pregnant with twins. Her children will be cared for by relatives while she completes her sentence.
Tech Support Pits: From: Denise Re: How do I delete addresses from Gmail? Dear Webby Thank you for your great newsletters. I would like to delete some old email addresses from my gmail account. Can you tell me where to find this. . . Denise I thought Denise meant the Auto-Complete and described how to weed that out. Well, Denise was not happy with that, and found the right solution: Regarding cleaning up the address book in google: At the top left corner where it says Gmail, click the marker and it will open up the address book. Thanks for your help and patience. Denise Dear Denise I had not known about that feature, always just used the Auto-Complete. Your trickis definitely worth knowing and passing on! Thanks DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Gravel From Your Lawn Edge Getting the stones and gravel out of the edge of your lawn which were dumped by highway trucks for ice and snow is a tedious job. I found that using a shop vac is much easier and faster and does a very nice job. By Frances from Bath, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

A well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. "We need a fourth for poker," said the friend. "I'll be right over," whispered the doctor. As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?" "Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, three doctors are there already!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Traveling through New England, a motorist stopped for gas in a tiny village. "What's this place called?" he asked the station attendant. "All depends," the native drawled. "Do you mean by them that has to live in this dad-blamed, moth-eaten, dust-covered dump, or by them that's merely enjoying its quaint and picturesque rustic charms for a short spell ?"
» Hype-Realistic Paintings or Photos


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What to do when CTRL C and CTRL V don't work 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, August 20

Have you noticed that the left-wing media is whining about
Putin and his election victory, like they did about Bush, 
when he won. It really irks them, when a conservative, 
pro-Free Enterprise politician wins. Putin's election was not
a close one at all, but the left-wing media believe that the 
losers have a right to violent protests, and that assaulting
police or pro-government people is "free speech".

Well, Putin knows how to deal with that. He used to be a 
colonel in the KGB. And he has a decisive majority of voters
on his side, even if The Los Angeles Times  and certain
Union spokesmen don't agree.

I view the happenings in Russia as a preview of what we will
see here this winter. If the population shift towards the right
continues and the left-wing media does not get what they 
want, they will be inciting protests and violence. 
Violence on behalf of the Left is "free speech", and besides
that, blood and gore sells a lot more ads anyway.

I have a hunch the CIA has a herd of people in Moscow,
taking notes. 

Today in 
1852 Steamer "Atlantic" collided with fishing boat, 
        sinks with 250 aboard 
1866 Pres Andrew Johnson formally declares Civil War over
1896 Dial telephone patented
1913 1st pilot to parachute from an aircraft (Adolphe P‚goud-France) 
1914 German forces occupy Brussels, Belgium during WW I
1918 Britain opens offensive on Western front during WW I 
1929 1st airship flight around the Earth flying eastward completed 
1953 Russia publicly acknowledges hydrogen bomb test detonation 
1960 USSR recovers 2 dogs; 1st living mammals to return from space 
1968 650,000 Warsaw Pact troops invade Czechoslovakia 
1980 Reinhold Messner is 1st to solo climb Mt Everest 
1985 Israel ships 96 TOWs to Iran on behalf of the US 
1990 Iraq moves Western hostages to military installations 
   (human shields) 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. --- Sam Levenson
Family leaving Church after services: Father; "That was the longest driest, least informative sermon I've ever heard." Mother; "The choir was terrible. I never heard some of those hymns before, and they were singing them off key." Little Tommy; "I don't know, all in all it wasn't bad show. Three of us for a dollar."
Women believe if a pet cat strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a pet dog strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a woman strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a man strays, it's because men are scum.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Michelle Almonte-De Jesus, 27,Grand Island, NE Woman Charged With Incest After Husband Catches Her Having Sex With Son Michelle Almonte-De Jesus, a 27-year-old Nebraska woman has been charged with repeatedly having sex with her teenage step son. According to police, an investigation was launched when the father of a 16-year-old boy saw his wife having sex with the boy. Investigators say Almonte-De Jesus began having sex with the victim when he was 15-years-old and continued until he was 16-years-old. The alleged sexual encounters reportedly took place between Jan 1 and August 10 of this year. The victim reported three incidents of sexual assault, eight incidents of incest, two incidents of creating obscene material and exposure to child pornography. Both the victim and Almonte-De Jesus reportedly admitted to the sexual encounters. Almonte-De Jesus was booked into the Hall County Jail on felony charges of first-degree sexual assault and incest. Her bond has been set at $50,000.
Tech Support Pits: From: Jerry Re: Lost CTRL C and CTRL V Dear Webby, I don't know what happened, but I seem to have lost my CTRL+C and CTRL+V capabilities! Any thoughts on how to get them back? Sorry if it's a stupid question! Jerry Dear Jerry Your usable amount of RAM is in use or bunged up. Hightlight a comma or period, copy that, and paste that. That will normally clear the clipboard of any big stuff. After that run CrapCleaner from http://webby.com/tools to clean up the temporary files. Rebooting also helps. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Pills From Sweaters Remove fuzz balls from sweaters with a shaver. Go over the surface slowly and carefully with a disposable razor. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way, (being the donkey of a preacher). The only way to make the donkey go, was to say, "Hallelujah!" The only way to make the donkey stop, was to say, "Amen!" The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher's instructions. "Hallelujah!" shouted the man. The donkey began to trot. "Amen!" shouted the man. The donkey stopped immediately. "This is great!" said the man. With a "Hallelujah," he rode off very proud of his new purchase. The man traveled for a long time through some mountains. Soon he was heading toward a cliff. He could not remember the word to make the donkey stop. "Stop," said the man. "Halt!" he cried. The donkey just kept going. "Oh, no... Bible!....Church!...Please Stop!!" shouted the man. The donkey just began to trot faster. He was getting closer and closer to the cliff edge. Finally, in desperation, the man said a prayer. "Please, dear Lord. Please make this donkey stop before I go off the end of this mountain, In Jesus name, AMEN." The donkey came to an abrupt stop just one step from the edge of the cliff. "HALLELUJAH!", shouted the man.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Every morning for years, at about 11:30, the telephone operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call from a man asking the exact time. One day the operator summed up nerve enough to ask him why the regularity. "I'm the foreman of the local sawmill," he explained. "Every day I have to blow the whistle at noon so I call you to get the exact time. A lot of people are counting on that!" The operator giggled, "That's really funny," she said. "All this time we've been setting our clock by your whistle.
» not just ANY flat fish


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Problem using Logitech wireless keyboard 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, August 19

If you are planning to buy a laser printer, stay away from
Samsung and HP. They are probably the same printers 
anyway, with just different stickers on them. Apparently
they have gone a bit too far to combat third party toner
cartridges, so far, that they block their own new cartridges.

In Europe they have laws protecting consumers from that
kind of greed. They even mandate, that all cell phones MUST
accept standard batteries. No more slightly different 
batteries for different models or brands. And the same with
printer consumables.

In North America we don't have that kind of consumer
protection, so we have to expect sleazy tricks from certain
companies. If you make enough noise and get enough thrid 
party support, Samsung will reluctantly replace the printer
with one, that can cope with the new Samsung cartridges.
In the meantime, you might be printing on the printer,that
you borrowed from mom, or buy a DELL.

I have learned to stay away from Samsung and HP printers,
but since I use toner from Atlantic Inkjet .com I would
not have the problem with Samsung's own new cartridges
anyway.

Today in 
1099 Crusaders beat Saracens in Battle of Ascalon 
1263 King James I of Argon censors Hebrew writings 
1812 US warship Constitution defeats British warship Guerriere
1826 Canada Co chartered to colonize Upper Canada (Ontario) 
1909 1st race at the Indianapolis 500 Speedway 
1934 Plebiscite in Germany approved sole executive 
   power to Adolph Hitler 
1942 1,000 Canadian soldiers killed raiding Dieppe, France 
1942 1st American offensive in Pacific in WW2, Guadalcanal
1955 Hurricane Diane kills 200 & 1st billion $ damage 
   storm (N.E. US) 
1960 Sputnik 5 carries 2 dogs, 3 mice into orbit (later 
   recovered alive) 
1979 Crew of Soyuz 32 returns to Earth aboard 
   Soyuz 34 after 175 day flight
1981 2 US Navy F-14 jet fighters shot down 2 Soviet-built 
   Libyan SU-22 just for fun and practise
1988 Iran-Iraq begin a cease-fire in their 8-year-old war
1991 Coup in Russia deposes Mikhail Gorbachev 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist." Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute. Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"
An old couple was just settling in to bed one night when the phone rang. The husband got out of bed and went into the living room to answer the phone. His wife could hear him say, "Hello?" Then he said, "Sure is." Then he hung up the receiver and went back to bed. A minute later the phone rang again. The husband got out of bed and went into the other room and his wife could hear him say, "Hello?" and then he said, "Sure is." And again he hung up the receiver and went back to bed. The wife asked who it was. The man said he didn't know. The wife then asked, "Well, what did the person say?" He said, "It's odd, a woman just keeps saying, 'Long distance from Chicago..'"
It was the beginning of term at a primary school in Brooklyn. The teacher asked the children their names one at a time, and for each to spell their name out loud. When she came to a young boy and asked his name, the boy replied, "Ravashanka Vankatarataam Bannerjee" "How do you spell that? asked the teacher. "My mother helps me" said the little boy.
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version That is in the lean-to against the house.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Rev Angel Armando Perez, 46, in Woodburn, Oregon Reverend Charged With Molesting Boy, Chasing Him Down Street Wearing Only Underwear Angel Armando Perez, a 46-year-old Woodburn area priest, was jailed Sunday after he allegedly molested a 12-year-old boy, then chased him down the street wearing only his underwear. According to the Marion County Sheriff's Office, Perez was hosting a sleepover at his residence Monday when he allegedly stripped to his underwear and touched a 12-year-old boy's genitals. The victim immediately ran out of the house while Perez gave chase, still wearing nothing but his underwear. The boy found another adult a short distance away and explained that he was being chased and needed help. The witness, along with his sister, watched as Perez rounded the corner and stopped in his tracks when he encountered the two adults. "He was staring at us," stated the witness. "Then he stood there with his hands on his hips like, 'You're really not going to give him to me?'" Perez reportedly fled the scene when the two adults told him they were calling police. Investigators say the boy stated that Perez gave him a beer, which he drank about half of before falling asleep. He was awoke later that night to find Perez holding a camera in one hand and his penis in the other hand. That's when the boy fled the residence and ran down the street. Perez told police that he had drank too much at a prior community event. He admitted that he had sat down to watch a movie with the victim, but didn't remember what happened after that. Perez was booked into jail and charged with sexual abuse, abuse of a child in the display of sexually explicit conduct, furnishing alcohol to a minor and DUI.
Tech Support Pits: From: Gene Re: Problem using Logitech wireless keyboard Dear Webby, Webby, I have a problem that I thought that you could help me with. I have a Dell desktop with OEM XP installed. When I use the wireless keyboard that I just bought, it works perfectly along with the matching mouse except that when I try to start the machine, before I get to windows, I get a message that the keyboard is not functioning and to press F12 to enter setup (duh) . If I reconnect the wired keyboard it starts up normally and I can remove the wired keyboard then the wireless board works ok. I'm sure that it is in the BIOS but not sure what to do about it. I contacted the Taliban at Logitec and after a bunch of repetitive explaining, they said that they would get back to me, which of course they never did. Thank you, Gene Dear Gene That sounds like the usual pissing contest between Microsoft and Logitech. Try running the setup CD again, that came with the keyboard. Somewhere in the setup there should be an option to make that keyboard the default. If there is no Setup CD, try downloading a driver for XP. Keep in mind, that machine was shipped long before Logitech started building that series wireless keyboards. DELL machines usually work fine with Logitech mice and keyboards, and even with two keyboards attached. If you have a USB multiplier, plug the old wired keyboard into that and stash it behind the monitor. It will tell the computer, that there IS a keyboard attached. That will give it time to start up and see the wireless receiver, after Windows is running. I know it is silly, but with that particular keyboard you might have to do that. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dust Cakes With Powdered Sugar Instead of Frosting When my mother used to have friends over in the evening she wanted to serve a snack (cake and coffee) but most of them were elderly and would turn down the cake because of the frosting. The problem was solved by using a round single layer cake. Buy 8-inch doilies, place a doily on top of the cake, and sprinkled it lightly with confectioner's sugar. Remove the doily and you have a lacy design on the cake without all of the icing. By Clynnaltemus from Inglis, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

An elderly couple, sitting together watching television. During one of those commercials, the husband asked his wife, "Whatever happened to our sexual relations?" After a long thoughtful silence, the wife replied during the next commercial, "You know, I don't know. I don't even think we got a Birthday card from them this year!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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"In retrospect, I admit it was unwise to try to gain access to my house via the cat flap," Gunther Burpus admitted to reporters in Bremen, Germany. "I suppose that the reason they're called cat flaps, rather than human flaps, is because they're too small for people, and perhaps I should have realized that." Burpus, a forty-one year old gardener from Bremen, was relating how he had become trapped in his own front door for two days, after losing his house keys. "I got my head and shoulders through the flap, but became trapped fast around the waist. At first, it all seemed rather amusing. I sang songs and told myself jokes. But then I wanted to go to the lavatory. I began shouting for help, but my head was in the hallway so my screams were muffled. After a few hours, a group of students approached me but, instead of helping, they removed my trousers and pants, painted my buttocks bright blue, and stuck a daffodil between my cheeks. Then they placed a sign next to me which said 'Germany resurgent, an essay in street art. Please give generously' and left me there." "People were passing by and, when I asked for help, they just said 'very good! Very clever!' and threw coins into my trousers. No one tried to free me. In fact, I only got free after two days because a dog started licking my private parts and an old woman complained to the police. They came and cut me out, but arrested me as soon as I was freed. Luckily they've now dropped the charges, and I collected over DM3,000 in my underpants, so the time wasn't entirely wasted."
» not just ANY flat fish


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O Bummer lies lies lies 

Terry anderson, a black los angeles talk radio host, went down a list of things Senator Obama has said that aren't exactly correct.

1.) Selma March Got Me Born -
NOT EXACTLY, your parents felt safe enough to have you in 1961 - Selma had no effect on your birth, as Selma was in 1965. (Google 'Obama Selma ' for his full March 4, 2007 speech and articles a bout its various untruths.) ! !

2.) Father Was A Goat Herder -
NOT EXACTLY, he was a privileged, well educated youth, who went on to work with the Kenyan Government.

3.) Father Was A Proud Freedom Fighter -
NOT EXACTLY, he was part of one of the most corrupt and violent governments Kenya has ever had.

4.) My Family Has Strong Ties To African Freedom -
NOT EXACTLY, your cousin Raila Odinga has created mass violence in attempting to overturn a legitimate election in 2007, in Kenya . It is the first widespread violence in decades. The current government is pro-American but Odinga wants to overthrow it and establish Muslim Sharia law. Your half-brother, Abongo Oba ma, is Odinga's follower. You interrupted your New Hampshire campaigning to speak to Odinga on the phone. Check out the following link for verification Of that....and for more.

Obama's cousin Odinga in Kenya ran for president and tried to get Sharia Muslim law in place there. When Odinga lost the elections, his followers have burned Christians' homes and then burned men, women and children alive in a Christian church where they took shelter... Obama SUPPORTED his cousin before the election process here started. Google Obama and Odinga and see what you get. No one wants to know the truth.

5.) My Grandmother Has Always Been A Christian -
NOT EXACTLY, she does her daily Salat prayers at 5am according to her own interviews. Not to mention, Christianity wouldn't allow her to have been one of 14 wives to1 man.

6.) My Name is African Swahili -
NOT EXACTLY, your name is Arabic and 'Baraka' (from which Barack came) means 'blessed' in that language. Hussein is also Arabic and so is Obama.

Barack Hussein Obama is not half black. He is the first Arab-American President, not the first black President. Barack Hussein Obama is 50% Caucasian from his mother's side and 43.75% Arabic and 6.25% African Negro from his father's side.
While Barack Hussein Obama's father was from Kenya , his father's family was mainly Arabs.. Barack Hussein Obama's father was only 12.5% African Negro and 87.5% Arab (his father's birth certificate even states he's Arab, not African Negro).

7.) I Never Practiced Islam -
NOT EXACTLY, you practiced it daily at school, where you were registered as a Muslim and kept that faith for 31 years, until your wife made you change, so you could run for office.

8.) My School In Indonesia Was Christian -
NOT EXACTLY, you were registered as Muslim there and got in trouble in Koranic Studies for making faces (check your own book).


February 28, 2008. Kristoff from the New York Times: Mr. Obama
Recalled the opening lines of the Arabic call to prayer, reciting them with a first-rate accent. In a remark that seemed delightfully uncalculated (it'll give Alabama voters heart attacks), Mr. Obama described the call to prayer as 'one of the prettiest sounds on Earth at sunset.' This is just one example of what Pamela is talking about when she says 'Obama's narrative is being altered, enhanced and manipulated to whitewash troubling facts.'

9.) I Was Fluent In Indonesian -
NOT EXACTLY, not one teacher says you could speak the language.

10.) Because I Lived In Indonesia , I Have More Foreign Experience -
NOT EXACTLY, you were there from the ages of 6 to 10, and couldn't even speak the language. What did you learn except how to study the Koran and watch cartoons?

11.) I Am Stronger On Foreign Affairs -
NOT EXACTLY, except for Africa (surprise) and the Middle East (bigger surprise); you have never been anywhere else on the planet and thus have NO experience with our closest allies.

12.) I Blame My Early Drug Use On Ethnic Confusion -
NOT EXACTLY, you were quite content in high school to be Barry Obama, no mention of Kenya and no mention of struggle to identify - your classmates said you were just fine

13.)An Ebony Article Moved Me To Run For Office -
NOT EXACTLY, Ebony has yet to find the article you mention in your book. It doesn't, and never did, exist.

14.) A Life Magazine Article Changed My Outlook On Life -
NOT EXACTLY, Life has yet to find the article you mention in your book. It doesn't, and never did, exist.

15.) I Won't Run On A National Ticket In '08 -
NOT EXACTLY, despite saying, live on TV, which you would not have enough experience by then, and you are all about having experience first.

16.) Voting 'Present' is Common In Illinois Senate -
NOT EXACTLY, they are common for YOU, but not many others have 130 NO VOTES.

17.) Oops, I Miss-voted -
NOT EXACTLY, only when caught by church groups and Democrats, did you beg to change your misvote.

18.) I Was A Professor Of Law -
NOT EXACTLY; you were a senior lecturer ON LEAVE.

19.) I Was A Constitutional Lawyer -
NOT EXACTLY, you were a senior lecturer ON LEAVE.

20.) Without Me, There Would Be No Ethics Bill -
NOT EXACTLY, you didn't write it, introduce it, change it or create it.

21.) The Ethics Bill Was Hard To Pass -
NOT EXACTLY, it took just 14 days from start to finish.

22.) I Wrote A Tough Nuclear Bill -
NOT EXACTLY, your bill was rejected by your own party for its pandering and lack of all regulation - mainly because of your Nuclear donor, Exelon, from which David Axelrod came.

23.) I Have Released My State Records -
NOT EXACTLY, state bills you sponsored or voted for have yet to be released, exposing all the special interests pork hidden within.

24.) I Took On The Asbestos Altgeld Gardens Mess -
NOT EXACTLY, you were part of a large group of people who remedied Altgeld Gardens . You failed to mention anyone else but yourself, in your books.

25.) My Economics Bill Will Help America -
NOT EXACTLY, your 111 economic policies were just combined into a proposal which lost 99-0, and even YOU voted against your own bill.

26.) I Have Been A Bold Leader In Illinois -
NOT EXACTLY, even your own supporters claim to have not seen BOLD action on your part.

27.) I Passed 26 Of My Own Bills In One Year -
NOT EXACTLY, they were not YOUR bills, but rather handed to you, after their creation by a fellow Senator, to assist you in a future bid for higher office.

28.) No One on my campaign contacted Canada about NAFTA -
NOT EXACTLY, the Canadian Government issued the names and a memo of the conversation your campaign had with them.

29.) I Am Tough On Terrorism -
NOT EXACTLY, you missed the Iran Resolution vote on terrorism and your good friend Ali Abunimah supports the destruction of Israel .

30.) I Want All Votes To Count -
NOT EXACTLY, you said let the delegates decide.

31.) I Want Americans To Decide -
NOT EXACTLY, you prefer caucuses that limit the vote, confuse the voters, force a public vote, and only operate during small windows of time.

32.) I passed 900 Bills in the State Senate -
NOT EXACTLY, you passed 26, most of which you didn't write yourself.

33.) I Believe In Fairness, Not Tactics -
NOT EXACTLY, you used tactics to eliminate Alice Palmer from running against you.

34.) I Don't Take PAC Money -
NOT EXACTLY, you take loads of it.

35.) I don't Have Lobbyists -
NOT EXACTLY, you have over 47 lobbyists, and counting.

36.) My Campaign Had Nothing To Do With The 1984 Ad -
NOT EXACTLY, your own campaign worker made the ad on his Apple in one afternoon.

37.) I Have Always Been Against Iraq -
NOT EXACTLY, you weren't in office to vote against it AND you have voted to fund it every single time.

38.) I Have Always Supported Universal Health Care -
NOT EXACTLY, your plan leaves us all to pay for the 15,000,000 who don't have to buy it.

39.) My uncle liberated Auschwitz concentration camp -
NOT EXACTLY, your mother had no brothers and the Russian army did the liberating.

So, who EXACTLY is this Obama guy and what is he trying to sell us?! Please get to work now...not enough of your loved ones and friends know about this fraud.

Does this guy ever tell the truth? NOT EXACTLY!!!!!!!




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Early Printer's Ink Out alarm 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, August 18

It is funny how the media are portraying those silly Pussy
Riot bimbos as heroes fighting for free speech. If a punk
band had attempted the same stupid stunt in the 
Washngton Cathedral, or in one of the 36 mosques in 
Washington,  they would have been thrown in jail too.
And most likely beaten up in the process.

Just imagine a semi-musical punk band howling and screeching
in the major Washington mosque, beseeching Mohammed to
get rid of Obama!

Those bimbos did the exact equivalent.
Absolutely no class.

Putin used music during the election campaign. Putin is
definitely not a low class punk. He funded a flash mob in
Moscow, including training and coaching and costumes,
to perform "PUTIN on the Ritz".
It was very well done and a hit on youTube and the media.

After some prodding and rumor mongering, his opposition
was goaded into clamoring, that he had used Government 
money for it. Of course, the more they whined, the further
the news about "PUTIN on the Ritz" spread.
By election time, everybody in Russia was either grinning 
about it, or humming "PUTIN on the Ritz".

They did not understand what "PUTIN on the Ritz"
was about, but it is a neat, catchy tune, with a good rythm,
so that PUTIN fella must be OK.

The Flash Mob happening was Feb 26, the election was
March 4, and even the election monitors were humming the tune.

Contrary to what the US media tried to imply, Putin was elected
by a very clear margin. 

Amongst other things, he did use music, but he did not piss
off a lot of religious people, who had absolutely nothing to
do with the election.

By the way, Walter the Stonecarver of http;//stonecarver.com,
a subsciber since the early 90's and frequent contributor, is one
of the carvers, who worked on the Washington Cathedral. 
Walter does not go there for religious purposes, but I 
don't think he would approve of non-religious punks abusing 
the cathedral for political purposes.

 Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1587 1st English child born in the New World (Virginia Dare) 
1686 Cassini reports seeing a satellite orbiting Venus
1834 Mt Vesuvius erupts 
1835 Last Pottawatomie Indians leave Chicago 
1868 Pierre Janssan discovers helium in solar spectrum 
   during eclipse 
1914 Pres Wilson issues Proclamation of Neutrality 
1936 106.5º F(41º C) Hottest afternoon of year in Iowa 
1958 Fidel Castro makes a speech on Cuban pirate radio Rebelde 
1960 1st photograph bounced off a satellite, Cedar Rapids, Iowa 
1961 Construction on Berlin Wall completed
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it." --- Don Herold Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. ---Lily Tomlin Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take; but by the moments that take our breath away! --- Socratex
One evening after dinner, Bob's five-year-old son noticed that his mother had gone out and he asked, "Where did mommy go?" In answer to his questions, he was told, "Mommy is at a Tupperware party." This explanation satisfied him for only a moment. Puzzled, he asked, "What's a Tupperware party, Dad?" Bob had always given his son honest answers, so he figured a simple explanation would be the best approach. "Well, son," he said, "at a Tupperware party, a bunch of ladies sit around and do a lot of screeching and yelling while they show plastic bowls to each other." He nodded, indicating that he understood this curious pastime. Then he burst into laughter. "Come on, Dad," he said. "What is it really?"
On beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded, each group on separate islands: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman 2 English men and 1 English woman 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman 2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman 2 American men and 1 American woman 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred: One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman. The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them. The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman. The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean and another long look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming. The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions. The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/liquor/store/ restaurant/laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store. The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, because the American woman keeps on complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is improving, etc.. The two Irish men divided the island into north and south and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey. But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

Thanks to Dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Mother-In-Law's Chair You see why it is called that by the enlarged inset. There are wicked thorns like that all over the top, under the soft and comfortable looking wool. The small cactus to the left of it, with the wide blades for thorns, is a Ferro. Those wide blades curve as it grows older, and get strong enough, that you can lift it up by those hooks.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Brooke Parent, 21, Portsmouth, NH Slow Learner - Jailed For Prostitution Just Ten Minutes After She Was Released From Jail On Two Prior Prostitution Charges Brooke Parent, a 21-year-old New Hampshire woman who was free on bail after a prostitution bust, was jailed two more times on Wednesday for the same charge. The third charge came just ten minutes after she was released from jail on the second prostitution charge. According to police, Parent was arrested August 2 during a 10-month long investigation that also resulted in the arrest of a clinical psychologist who allowed Parent to use his apartment for the alleged trysts. During her arrest, Parent told detectives that she had a special arrangement with Marino to provide "limited sex services" because she is pregnant. After her release, Parent was arrested on a second prostitution charge on Wednesday after she offered to perform a sex act on an undercover officer in exchange for cash. About ten minutes after she was released on the second charge she was arrested for prostitution a third time after she allegedly offered to sell sex to a different undercover officer. Parent now faces three charges of prostitution and a charge for violating the conditions of her bail. The psychologist, identified as 38-year-old Alexander Marino, was also charged with prostitution. He was released after posting $1,000 bond. An alleged john, 22-year-old John Parra, was also arrested after he leaped through a window while attempting to flee arrest during a police raid on Marino's apartment. Investigators say Parra had an "unfurled" condom in his hand when they took him into custody.
Tech Support Pits: From: Papa Hank Re: Printer Ink Out Alarm Dear Webby, Hi my best morning cheerer upper, good suggestion to "out of ink". Atlantic ink is great with fast shipping and terrific prices. Been using them for years. The ink lasts a long time. One thing the user should know is that when the low ink warning comes on, there is plenty of ink left and on my Canon. It quits printing when then cartridge is really empty. Papa Hank Dear Papa Hank The Ink Out light on printers is like the Low Gas light on cars. No panic, but time to get organized to get a refill. If you order from Atlantic Inkjet .com, you will have the new cartridges sitting there on the printer a week before the ink actually runs out. With Atlantic's Laser toner, when the toner for a color actually does run out, you usually get another day or two, if you take that color cartridge out and shake it a bit. You still have to refill it, but that extra day lets you plan for that. You don't have to stop in the middle of some urgent work, while somebody is standing there waiting for something. Refilling toner with their kit is really easy, and it even comes with a CD with instructions. However, the very first time you use a refill kit, it can be a bit scary and intimidating, until you look at the CD and see how simple it really is. So, for your very first refill budget 10 minutes. After that you can easily do it in two minutes. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Creative Sink Storage Ideas I have a tip for those of us that still like to do dishes by hand. I was tired of looking at the bottle of dish soap on my sink, so I decides to get a cute pickle dish with 3 sections at the dollar store and place my sink items I use every day in it. I also got a lemon squirt bottle for my dish soap. That way you don't waste as much and no big bottle at your sink. You can use ketchup/mustard any refillable smaller bottle. I know I could put it under my sink, but, with everyone using the sink, it's easier for us. I hope some one can use this idea! By diva53d from Foymount, Ontario Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
100 healthy snacks It's the snacks that make all the difference! Discover How To Prepare 100 Delicious Snacks with 3 Ingredients Or Less. Now You Can Enjoy Ready-to-eat Healthy Snacks With Over 100 Nutritionist-approved French-style Recipes designed to keep you thin, healthy and satisfied. This looks like an Heirloom book, that will be passed on from generation to generation!

"In this job we need someone who is responsible," said the employer. "Then I'm your man," answered the potential employee. "On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Can you please bring back those singing horses? Mia Sure. Click on each horse to turn it on or shut it up. Singing horses http://snipurl.com/2yy3
» Tall Ships 2012


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Can you have icons on both monitors? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, August 17
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Thank you Patricia!

 Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1807 Robert Fulton's steamboat Clermont begins 1st trip up Hudson River
1846 US takes Los Angeles 
1870 1st ascent of Mt Rainier, Washington 
1877 Asaph Hall discovers Mars' moon Phobos 
1896 Gold is discovered on Klondike River 
  two years later the WhipePass& Yukon Route railroad was completed
1940 FDR & Canadian PM William M King agree to 
   joint defense commission 
1942 US bombers staged 1st independent raid on Europe 
   attack Rouen, France 
1978 1st manned balloon crossing of Atlantic Ocean (Eagle II) 
1990 Phyllis Polander sues Mike Tyson for sexual harassment 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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We do not know what we want and yet we are responsible for what we are - that is the fact. --- Jean-Paul Sartre I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. --- Totie Fields
The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first four rows of pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now." The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, "And you told me a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to the church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock 'n roll gospel choir. We are packed to the balcony!!" "Thank you, Father," answered the young priest. "I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth." "However," said the elderly priest, "I'm afraid you've gone too far with the drive-thru confessional." "But, Father," protested the young priest, "my confessions and the donations have nearly doubled since I began that!" "I know, son, but that flashing neon sign on the church roof, 'Toot 'n Tell or Go To Hell', that's got to go.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?" "Yeah, " the other cow says,"makes me glad I'm a penguin."
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Make mine a tall, cool lemonade!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Chadwick Lange, 43, New York, NY. Thieves speed off in running Maserati NEW YORK (UPI) -- Police in New York said car thieves made off with a Maserati while its owner was standing nearby, talking to a friend. Investigators said the car's owner, Chadwick Lange, 43, left the keys in the ignition and the engine running when he got out of the vehicle in Times Square to talk to a friend around 4:40 a.m. Sunday when two men approached him and asked if they could take pictures of the car, the New York Daily News reported Tuesday. However, after taking a couple of pictures, one of the men jumped into the car and sped off, with the other man following on foot. They said the car slowed down after a couple of blocks to allow the second man to get into the car. Police said they have yet to identify any suspects. They are still laughing too hard.
Tech Support Pits: From: Luanne Re: Icons on both monitors? Dear Webby, I am using two monitors, the silly, sawed off, wide monitor that came with the new computer, and my good, old 24" 1600 x 1200 CRT monitor. Naturally, I do all the work on the big one, and just use the sawed off runt as a scratch pad. I was wondering, can I safely move all my icons onto the sawed off runt, and sort of use it like a remote control for running programs on the big monitor? Thanks Luanne Dear Luanne Yes, sure. That works fine. Use SMD (Save My Desktop) now and then, in case Windows loses it's marbles. With that you can restore the desktop to whichever way you had it the last time you saved it. SMD is free and in my Tool Box
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from
Thriftyfun.com Line Kitchen Cabinets with Vinyl Floor Tiles Line your kitchen and bathroom cupboards with floor tiles. It looks attractive and it provides easy clean-up. Apply a cork tile to the inside of your kitchen cupboard door to pin take-out menus, shopping lists, tips, anything really. By sooz from Toronto, ON Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
100 healthy snacks It's the snacks that make all the difference! Discover How To Prepare 100 Delicious Snacks with 3 Ingredients Or Less. Now You Can Enjoy Ready-to-eat Healthy Snacks With Over 100 Nutritionist-approved French-style Recipes designed to keep you thin, healthy and satisfied. This looks like an Heirloom book, that will be passed on from generation to generation!

While looking in the archive for a specific joke, I came across this item from seven years ago: Things I have learned from watching the news on TV during Hurricane Katrina coverage the last couple of weeks: It's all Bush's fault. The hurricane only hit black family's property It's all Bush's fault. New Orleans was devastated and no other city was affected by the hurricane It's all Bush's fault. Mississippi is reported to have a tree blown down It's all Bush's fault. New Orleans has no white people It's all Bush's fault. The hurricane blew a limb off a tree in the yard of an Alabama resident It's all Bush's fault. When you are hungry after a hurricane, steal a big screen TV It's all Bush's fault. If the store that you are looting is out of your size shirts, set the stroeon fir, sothat you won't waste time on it again. It's all Bush's fault. The hurricane did 200 billion dollars in improvements to New Orleans: now the city is welfare, looter and gang free and they are in your city. It's all Bush's fault. White folks don't make good news stories It's all Bush's fault. Don't give thanks to the thousands that came to help rescue you, Instead bitch because the government hasn't given you a debit card yet It's all Bush's fault. Only black family members got separated in the hurricane rescue efforts It's all Bush's fault. Ignore warnings to evacuate and the smart folks will come get you and give you money for being stupid. It's all Bush's fault.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
This is an actual conversation I over-heard while at lunch today. A young woman was talking with an older woman, apparently her mother. "I haven't slept in three days," she complained. "The baby is teething and he's up all night crying." "Why don't you just dip a finger into a thimble-full of Southern Comfort, and rub it on his gums? That will numb them up and put him right to sleep." answered mom. "I can't give the baby alcohol! Lord knows what that will do to him." "Well, it never hurt you any." The look on her face was priceless.
» Kalahari Kritters


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How to change icon size in Windows 7? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, August 16

All the lawns for three blocks in all directions were 
speckled with leaves torn off trees by yesterday's hail.

 On my walk I realized that Thursday is bulk garbage pick-up.
People had all kinds of stuff piled by the street, anything 
from clock radios to king size mattresses. 

So I called Curt, a neighbor of Barb's, to give me a hand
lugging a bunch of old chainlink fencing to the street. 
Afterward I drove to the liquor stroe to get him a six-pack
for his help. 

On the way back we spotted a BBQ on the street,
in much better shape than my old one. It was too big to 
go into the small trunk on the LeBaron, so Curt sat in the
trunk and held the handles of the BBQ, while I slowly drove
home. We must have looked quite silly, but it worked out
just fine. Now I just have to save up $35 for a new propane
tank, or about the same for fittings to adapt it to natural 
gas.

 Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1743 Earliest boxing code of rules formulated in England
1777 Americans defeat British in Battle of Bennington, Vt
1780 British decisively defeat Americans in Battle of Camden, SC
1812 Gen Hull surrenders Detroit & Michigan territory to England 
1819 Manchester Massacre; English police charge unemployed 
    demonstrators
1858 Britain's Queen Victoria telegraphs President James Buchanan
1861 Pres Lincoln prohibits Union states from trading with Confederacy 
1898 Roller coaster patented 
1955 Fiat Motors orders 1st private atomic reactor
1959 USSR introduces installment buying 
1960 Britain grants independence to crown colony of Cyprus 
1960 Joseph Kittinger parachutes from balloon at 
   31,330 m (84,700') 
1984 LA federal jury acquits auto maker John Z DeLorean 
   on cocaine charges
1990 Iraq orders 4000 Britons & 2500 Americans in Kuwait to Iraq 
  That did not go over well at all.
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"President Bush called the rebuilding of New Orleans "one of the largest reconstruction efforts the world has ever seen." If you don't count Cher." --- Jay Leno There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing. --- Oscar Wilde
A knight and his men return to their castle after a long hard day of fighting. "How are we faring?" asks the king. "Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west." "What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!" "Oh, no..." says the knight. "Well, you do now."
A minister had just finished an excellent fried chicken dinner at the home of a congregation member when he saw a rooster come strutting through the yard. "That's certainly a proud-looking rooster," the minister commented. "Yes, sir," replied the farmer. "He has reason to be proud-- one of his sons just entered the ministry."
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Wild passion flower
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Kayla Walters-Merrian, 18, Lexington, S.C. "Booby Trap" - Charged With Luring Young Boys Into Woods, Sexually Assaulting Them Kayla Walters-Merrian, an 18-year-old South Carolina woman was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly used her breasts to lure a group of young boys into the woods where she sexually assaulted them. According to police, Walters-Merrian exposed her breasts to three boys (ages 11-12) to lure them into a wooded area near her home. Once the four of them were in the woods, Walters-Merrian lifted up her skirt and talked all three boys into performing sexual acts on her. The alleged sexual encounters took place on August 13 and 14. Police launched an investigation Tuesday night after the mother of a victim heard about the incident from another victim's sister. Walters-Merrian was booked into jail and charged with three counts of third-degree criminal sexual conduct with a minor.
Tech Support Pits: From: Bob Re: Change icon size in Windows 7 Dear Webby, After one of those nuisance W7 bug fixes, that required a reboot, the size of my icons suddenly jumped to a much larger size, and there is no way to change the back. I am using the same 1600 x 1200 resolution as you are. Thanks for talking me into that 15 years ago! So, how do I civilize the icons? Bob Dear Bob It's a secret. Have you ever seen this cute little picture, that I painted many years ago? That secret trick works not just for browser zoom, but if you click onto an empty spot on the desktop first, it zooms the icons larger or smaller, depending on which way you crank the mouse scroll wheel. Feel fre to tell people where they can look up tricks like that. I need more subscribers! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com tore Touch-up Paint in Film Canisters Save film canisters and use them to store small amounts of leftover paint for touch-ups. Label each one and store in a handy place. Instead of a label, you can also just paint a part of the film canister lid with the paint for quick reference. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Film containers are probably impossible to find nowadays, however pill ontainers come in many sizes and are just as handy for paint and small screws and springs. For paint store them upside down to ensure an airtight seal. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
100 healthy snacks It's the snacks that make all the difference! Discover How To Prepare 100 Delicious Snacks with 3 Ingredients Or Less. Now You Can Enjoy Ready-to-eat Healthy Snacks With Over 100 Nutritionist-approved French-style Recipes designed to keep you thin, healthy and satisfied. This looks like an Heirloom book, that will be passed on from generation to generation!

>From Sue-Ann "That was nice of you to set up a blind date for your ex- boyfriend." "I know, but I don't hold any grudges." "I'm surprised he trusted you enough to agree to go out with her." "Well, I had to swear to him she's Jennifer Lopez's double." "Wow! Is that true?" "I wouldn't lie. She's twice her weight and twice her age."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 years of marriage. The counselor asks them what the problem is and the wife goes into a tirade listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they've been married. She goes on and on and on. Finally, the counselor gets up, goes around the desk, embraces the woman and kisses her passionately. The woman shuts up and sits quietly in a daze. The counselor turns to the husband and says "That is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do that?" The husband thinks for a moment and replies, "Well, I can get her here Monday and Wednesday, but Friday I golf. "
» Buchart Gardens


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When to replace printer ink? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, August 15

Had some really noisy weather today:
First there ws a  horizontal rainstorm that picked up water 
from the streets and blew sheets of it along. When one of 
those hit the house it shuddered with a loud tud.

Then the wind slowed down to about 30 and the rin changed 
to hail. 

The hail stones were only 3/4 inch in size, but they sure
bounced! On the stret they bounced more than a foot,
on the lawn they bouced two feet. It ws really cute to watch.
By the time I figured i should try to take a picture of that,
and got the camera, it was too late. Still was awfully 
noisy outside, though! 

Then we got thunder and lightning. Quite a show!
 
 Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1057 Macbeth, King of Scotland, slain by son of King Duncan
1519 Panama City founded 
1620 Mayflower sets sail from Southampton with 102 Pilgrims
1858 Regular mail to the Pacific coast begins
1870 Transcontinental Railway actually completed 
1893 US no longer allowed exclusive rights in Bering Sea 
1906 1st freight delivery tunnel system begins, underneath Chicago
1914 Panama Canal opens (under cost) 
1918 US & Russia sever diplomatic ties
1945 South Korea liberated from Japanese rule
1945 US wartime rationing of gasoline & fuel oil ends
1947 India becomes independent, Islamic part becomes Pakistan 
1948 Republic of Korea (South Korea) proclaimed
1957 David Simons reaches 30,942 m in Man High 2 balloon
    (101,515 feet)
1964 Race riot in Dixmoor (Chicago suburb) Ill 
1966 Radio Free Asia (South Korea) begins radio transmission
1969 Woodstock Music & Art Fair opens in NY State
    (Max Yasgur's Dairy Farm) 
1991 750,000 attend Paul Simon's free concert in Central Park 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Don`t worry about what people think; they don`t do it very often --- Ronelle
At a little hole in the wall restaurant I saw a sign that read: "Women are not served here." And in small letters below that: "You have to bring your own."
One year, Johnny's family was having the "extended family" cookout at their home. One of the special treats that year was the lighting of the fireworks (Roman candles, bottle rockets, missile batteries, etc.) they had bought out of state. (because they are illegal in their state, of course!) Just before they were to arrive, a cousin calls, saying their neighbor's plans had just fallen through, and could they bring them along to the picnic - they even had extra food to bring. "Sure, the more the merrier!" Upon arrival and meeting of their cousin's neighbor, it is discovered that he's a police officer. The father turns as innocently as he can to Johnny, and whispers to him to grab the paper bag of fireworks sitting in the kitchen and hide them somewhere quickly. Johnny disappears, and the father changes the topic to food for the day. The family had brought some chicken to grill, so the father tells then the gas grill is all set to use out back - just turn on the gas and push the ignition button with the lid still closed. They head out the back, as Johnny comes back in through the front door. The father hurries to him and says "Whew, that was close! That man is a police officer, and he almost saw the fireworks. Did you hide them real well?" "Oh, yes! Nobody will ever think to look in the grill!" BOOOM!
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Tree Frog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Melody Lehigh, 26, in York, Pennsylvania Jailed After Crawling Into Neighbor's Bed To Avoid Arrest, Admitted To Being "Drunk And Crazy" Melody Lehigh, a 26-year-old Pennsylvania woman was jailed Friday after she allegedly crawled into a man's bed while attempting to elude police. According to police, officers were dispatched to an apartment complex after a fight between Lehigh and her boyfriend sparked a noise complaint. Officers arrived on the scene to find a trail of blood leading from the couple's apartment to a public restroom at the apartment complex. When officers opened the restroom door, they found Lehigh's intoxicated boyfriend inside. The boyfriend, who had blood on his clothing, told officers that Lehigh had crawled out of the bathroom through a window about 20 minutes prior to their arrival. A short time later, the officer heard caughing coming from a second-floor apartment balcony. When the officer looked to see where the noise was coming from, he spotted Lehigh hiding on another resident's balcony. Before the officer had a chance to respond, Lehigh allegedly head-butted the window and crawled into the resident's apartment. Officers went to the apartment and found Lehigh, who was attempting to crawl into bed with a man who lives inside the apartment. Lehigh told officers that she had been inside the apartment the entire time. As the officer attempted to handcuff Lehigh, she shouted expletives and repeatedly kicked him in the groin. The officer was eventually forced to use a stun gun to bring Lehigh into compliance. The officer noted in his report that Lehigh was covered in blood, had a bloody nose and was covered with black marks. Lehigh refused treatment stating that she "refused to be a victim" and that she received the injuries from "being drunk and crazy." Lehigh was booked into jail and charged with aggravated assault, burglary, resisting arrest, criminal trespass and criminal mischief. She was also taken into custody on three outstanding warrants for harassment. Before she became a drunk nuisance, she was quite cute:
Tech Support Pits: From: Carl Re: When to refill ink Dear Webby, If my ink cartridge runs out of one color, is it safe to continue printing with just the other colors ? Thanks Carl Dear Carl It's best to refill immediately. Pumping air and dried ink particles ruin a print head faster than anything else. If you don't have ink in that color, wrap the cartridge in a damp paper towel, put it into a ziplock bag, and use a different cartridge until you get more ink. If you go to AtlantIc inkjet .com and order a refill kit or ink in that color, it will be in your mailbox in a few days. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Post its For Bookmarks I use post it note paper as bookmarks. You can get the really small ones in a variety of colors, they work really great. Plus, they don't slip out of books like regular bookmarks. By LuLu from Chicago, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
100 healthy snacks It's the snacks that make all the difference! Discover How To Prepare 100 Delicious Snacks with 3 Ingredients Or Less. Now You Can Enjoy Ready-to-eat Healthy Snacks With Over 100 Nutritionist-approved French-style Recipes designed to keep you thin, healthy and satisfied. This looks like an Heirloom book, that will be passed on from generation to generation!

>From Rev Garth After finishing an out-of-town errand, I discovered that my car wouldn't start because it was out of gas. A passer-by told me there was a service station a half mile away, so I took a gas can from the trunk and trudged the distance in the sweltering sun. The attendant filled my two gallon can, and I lugged it back and poured the gas into the tank. But when I tried to unlock the car door, it wouldn't open. Just then, I noticed an identical old car parked a short distance away. That was my car. I had filled a stranger's gas tank. Wearily I walked back to the station. The attendant suggested helpfully, "You know, instead of walking back and forth to fill the tank from the can, you could put a couple of gallons in the tank and then drive the car here."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Gina Time Zones! Stationed in Okinawa, Japan, my son and his wife were expecting their first baby. I was elated when he called me at work with the news of my grandchild's birth. I took down all the statistics and turned to relate it all to my co-workers. "I'm a grandmother!" I declared. "It's a baby girl, and she weighs five pounds." "When was she born?" someone asked. Recalling the date my son told me, I stopped, looked at the calendar, and said in amazement, "Tomorrow!"
» Alberobello Italy


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Best mouse 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, August 14

Thank you Gloria!

Yes, I know, the Ezinefinder has weekend sickness again.
You can try their contact form at
http://www2.thriftyfun.com/about/contact.lasso
Since they don't answer, it is impossible to tell if that 
form works or not. All you can do is try.
If one of you gets through to them please let me know.

 Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
410 Alaric sacks Rome
1248 Construction of Cologne Cathedral begun
1457 Oldest known exactly dated printed book 
   (c 3 years after Gutenberg) 
1765 Mass colonists challenge British rule by an Elm
1813 British warship Pelican attacks & captures US war ship Argus
1842 Seminole War ends; Indians removed from Florida to Oklahoma 
1846 Henry David Thoreau jailed for tax resistance
1880 Construction of Cologne Cathedral completed
1893 France issues 1st driving licenses, included required test 
1896 Yukon Gold discovery announced
1900 Intl forces including US Marines enter Beijing to put down 
   Boxer Rebellion, which was aimed at ridding China of foreigners
1908 Race riot in Springfield Illinois 
1912 2,500 US marines invade Nicaragua; US remains until 1925
1917 China declares war on Germany & Austria at start of WW I 
1935 Social Security Act became law 
1945 V-J Day; Japan surrenders unconditionally to end WW II 
1947 Pakistan gains independence from Britain 
1966 1st US lunar orbiter begins orbiting the Moon 
1971 Bahrain proclaims independence after 110 years of British rule
1971 British begin internment without trial in Northern Ireland 
1973 US bombs Cambodia 
1984 IBM releases MS-DOS version 3.0 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. --- Phyllis Diller Man forgives woman anything save the wit to outwit him. --- Minna Thomas Antrim
An elderly gentlemen went in for his annual physical exam. The doctor said, "You're in incredible shape. How old are you again?" The man replied, "I am 78." The doctor exclaimed, "Wow, 78. How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old." The man explained, "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down." "What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor. The man sighed, "I've pretty much lived an outdoor lifestyle."
Catherine, a RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted her resignation. She was sure she'd have no trouble finding a new position, because of the nursing shortage in her area. She e-mailed cover letters to dozens of potential employers and attached her resume to each one. Two weeks later, Catherine was dismayed and bewildered that she had not received even one request for an interview. Finally she received a message from a prospective employer that explained the reason she hadn't heard from anyone else. It read: "Your resume was not attached as stated. I do, how- ever, want to thank you for the vegetable lasagna recipe."
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

Thanks to Dianne for these pictures: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Judy for alerting me to this one: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Na Cola Darcel Franklin, 31 in Whitehall, Pennsylvania She only wanted to kill him a little bit for just a short time. A Pennsylvania woman is accused of fatally stabbing her husband-to-be just hours before they were scheduled to be married. Na Cola Darcel Franklin, 31, is facing homicide charges in the death of her husband-to-be, Billy Rafael Brewster, 36, in the apartment they shared in Whitehall Township, according to the Whitehall Township Police Department. But, according to the Morning Call newspaper, Franklin did not realize her fiance was permanently dead, when she came before a judge that same day. The newspaper reported that Franklin stood mute, and seemingly stunned, when a judge told her she was being charged with a single count of homicide. "You got to check again!" Franklin cried out during the Saturday afternoon court hearing, begging the judge to check once more on Brewster's condition. "He was pronounced dead by the Lehigh County coroner earlier today," District Judge Donna Butler was quoted as saying. The newspaper said Franklin began wailing and rocking, and choked out the words: "I ... did ... not ... kill ... him ... on ... purpose," she said. "I want my family back. ... I want to go home." The judge said that wasn't one of Franklin's options: "You are not going home any time in the near future." It was not immediately clear what led up to the stabbing, which took place about 2:19 a.m. Saturday morning, according to a media statement released by police. The couple were supposed to be married at 10 a.m. Relatives staying with the couple told police that Brewster had announced plans to go out and grab some food for the crowd when an argument ensued, authorities said. Then, police said, Monique Kali of Illinois, who was among those visiting for the wedding, said she heard someone yell "Knife!". Kali told police she saw Franklin swinging a knife. Fearing that her husband might be injured, Kali told police, she tackled Franklin, who was then disarmed. In the meantime, a bleeding Brewster stumbled out onto the walkway outside the apartment and was found there when police arrived some time later. He was taken to a nearby hospital, where he was pronounced dead. Among his injuries: A stab wound to the heart, police said.
Tech Support Pits: From: Alex Re: Which is the best Mouse? Dear Webby, I need a new mouse and want to know which is the best one. Thanks Alex Dear Alex That depends on what you use it for. For office work like spreadsheets, web design, word processing, etc. I still recommend the Microsoft Intellimouse Explorer 2. It comes in wired and in wireless versions. If you need it mostly for browsing and light gaming, then the top mouse is the Logitech MX1000 Cordless Laser Mouse. It has a charging stand like a cordless phone and you won't have to keep swapping rechargeable batteries between the mouse and the charger. For art work, my preference is the wired Microsoft Intellimouse Explorer 2. The cordless is by comparison a bit mushy. It's just as precise and unless you compare them side by side, you probably won't notice the difference in speed. However, you will get more work done in a day with the wired one. If fast reaction time is important, choose a wired mouse, not a cordless mouse. With the wired mouse on my main machine my reaction time averages 0.181 seconds, with the cordless mouse on my laptop I average 0.221 sec. Both mice are Microsoft Intellimouse Explorer 2. If you want to check your mousing speed, try Mousing Speed http://snipurl.com/eo9o Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use an Empty Can as a Utensil Holder When Cooking Here is what I use to prevent spilled mess on my counter when I am cooking. I usually use more than one utensil when I am cooking but never know where to place them during the cooking time as I am still using them. Well, since I usually use some type of canned goods with all my meals, I came up with the following idea. I rinse the can that I used, then I use it as a utensil holder while I am cooking. Once I am done cooking, I place the utensils in the sink, rinse the can again and recycle it. So it's kinda like recycling it twice. The bonus is that it saves a mess to clean off my counter or a plate. By tomnsaby from Albuquerque, NM Instead of a lightweight can, that gets knocked over easily, I use a 1 Liter (quart) Pyrex measuring cup, 3/4 filled with water. I have never tipped or knocked that one over. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
100 healthy snacks It's the snacks that make all the difference! Discover How To Prepare 100 Delicious Snacks with 3 Ingredients Or Less. Now You Can Enjoy Ready-to-eat Healthy Snacks With Over 100 Nutritionist-approved French-style Recipes designed to keep you thin, healthy and satisfied. This looks like an Heirloom book, that will be passed on from generation to generation!

A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets. Someone asked her what the bracelet was for. She replied, "I'm allergic to nuts and eggs." The person asked, "Are you allergic to cats?" The girl said, "I don't know....I don't eat cats."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Official sign near door: Door Alarmed. Handprinted sign nearby: Window frightened.
» ALVIN


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How long does a McAfee Scan take? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, August 13

Thank you Barbara and John 

Yes, I know, the Ezinefinder has weekend sickness again.
You can try their contact form at
http://www2.thriftyfun.com/about/contact.lasso
Since they don't answer, it is impossible to tell if that 
form works or not. All you can do is t ry.

 Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1521 Spanish conquerors captured Mexico City from Aztecs 
1642 Christiaan Huygens discovers Martian south polar cap
1868 Quakes kill 25,000 & causes $300 million 
   damages (Peru & Ecuador) 
1906 Black soldiers raid Brownsville Texas 
1907 1st US taxicab (NYC) 
1945 35 Jews blow up Nazi rubber plant in Silesia (WWII has 
   been over since May)
1946 Britain transfers illegal immigrants bound to Palestine, to Cyprus 
1988 Ronald J Dossenbach sets world record for pedaling across 
Canada from Vancouver, BC to Halifax, NS in 13 days, 15 hr, 4 min 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

What this country needs is more free speech worth listening to. --- Hansell B. Duckett There comes a time in every man's life and I've had many of them. --- Casey Stengel "Some folks are wise and some are otherwise." ---Tobias George Smolett
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The man said, "I do, Father." The priest said, "Then leave this pub right now!" The priest approached a second man and said, "Do you want to got to heaven?" "Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then leave this den of Satan," said the priest. The priest walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?" "No, I don't, Father," O'Toole replied. The priest looked him right in the eye and said, "You mean to tell me that, when you die, you don't want to go to heaven?" O'Toole smiled. "Oh, when I die. Yes, sure, Father. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
A lawyer was reading the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in it: "To my loving wife, Rose, who stood by me in the rough times as well as the smooth, I will the house and two million dollars. "To my daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in illness and kept the business going, I will the yacht, the business, and one million dollars. "And to my cousin, Dan, who hated me, argued with me, and who bet that I would not remember him in my will: You are wrong. Dan, I remember that you are a turkey."
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Ancient Wooden Stave Church, Norway
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Neil for alerting me to this one: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Samuel Dye, 20, in Chester, S.C. Jailed After Attempting To Rape And Murder Grandmother "Because He Was Tired Of Not Having A Girlfriend" Samuel Dye, a 20-Year-Old South Carolina bonehead was jailed Thursday after he beat his grandmother with a hammer, then sexually assaulted her, because he was upset about not having a girlfriend. According to police, Dye's grandmother told police that her grandson, showed up at her home at around 4 a.m. with a hammer. He then proceeded to complain about not having a girlfriend and told his grandmother that he was going to "get some." That's when Dye began striking his grandmother with his hammer. Investigators say the grandmother tried to stop him and suggested that they pray, however, Dye responded by exposing himself and then attempting to rape the woman. He then struck the woman in the head again with the hammer, knocking her to the ground. The attack was stopped when Dye's father heard his mother screaming and came to check on her. Dye was booked into the Chester County Detention Center and charged with attempted murder and attempted sexual contact.
Tech Support Pits: From: Christine Re: How long does mcAfee take to scan? Dear Webby How long does McAfee take to scan a computer? Mine has been at it since Friday evening. Is something wrong? Christine Dear Christine Due to the system and file structure, it takes a lot longer with W7 than it did with XP. The actual amount of time it takes depends on how many files you have. If you have a large external drive, that can add considerable time to it. Just leave your computer running and let it scan. Shutting it off while you sleep will force it to scan while you are working. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Your Own Kabobs Put a fun and affordable spin on backyard barbecues with a make-your-own-kabob station. Set out a variety of chopped veggies like peppers, zucchini, and mushrooms and marinated and cubed steak or chicken. This is a great way to stretch your ingredients further, while your guests can customize their meal. Source: A sign at my local grocery store You mean there is a different way than this? Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
100 healthy snacks It's the snacks that make all the difference! Discover How To Prepare 100 Delicious Snacks with 3 Ingredients Or Less. Now You Can Enjoy Ready-to-eat Healthy Snacks With Over 100 Nutritionist-approved French-style Recipes designed to keep you thin, healthy and satisfied. This looks like an Heirloom book, that will be passed on from generation to generation!

>From Dave When I returned home from college for a break, I noticed a paper posted on the refrigerator. It listed some goals my dad had set for himself: Help wife more; lose weight; be more productive at work. I promptly added: "Send Michelle money every month." A few days later my brother wrote: "Make payments on car for Jason." Then my boyfriend joined in with: "Buy Tom a Jeep." Finally my father added a new goal to his amended list: "Wean kids."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A small town doctor was famous in the area for always catching large fish. One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy. The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the doctor used his fishing scales. The baby weighed 32 lb. 10 oz.
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How much RAM for a Windows 7 conversion? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, August 12

Thank you Barbara and John 

Yes, I know, the Ezinefinder has weekend sickness again.
You can try their contact form at
http://www2.thriftyfun.com/about/contact.lasso
Since they don't answer, it is impossible to tell if that 
form works or not. All you can do is t ry.

 Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1332 Battle of Dupplin Moor; Scottish dynastic battle
1508 Ponce de Le¢n arrives in Puerto Rico 
1851 Isaac Singer granted patent for his sewing machine
1863 1st cargo of lumber leaves Burrard Inlet (Vancouver, BC)
1888 Bertha, wife of Karl Benz, makes 1st motor tour
1898 Hawaii formally annexed to US
1936 120º F (49º C), Seymour, Texas
1953 Soviet Union conducts secret test of its 1st hydrogen bomb 
1960 Echo 1, 1st communications satellite, is launched 
1962 Russia launches Vostok 4 with Pavel Popovich, 
   who lands safely Aug 15 
1964 Race riot in Elizabeth NJ
1965 Race riot in West Side of Chicago 
1972 Last American combat ground troops leave Vietnam 
1981 IBM introduces the PC and PC-DOS version 1.0 
1985 Japanese Boeing 747 crashes, 520 die (worst in-flight toll) 
1990 Iraq President Saddam Hussein says he is ready to resolve the 
    Gulf crisis if Israel withdraws from occupied territories 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"If you can't convince them, confuse them." --- Harry Truman "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian." --- Dennis Wholey "Some folks are wise and some are otherwise." ---Tobias George Smolett
A motorist driving by a Texas ranch hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth. "Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out." The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer. "Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's post-dated six years from now."
A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home.
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to neil for alerting me to this one: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Stephanie Dillard,34, in Houston, Texas Middle School Teacher Charged With Having Sex With Many Students Bethany Appleton, a 28-year-old teacher at Shelbyville Middle School has been jailed after she allegedly had sex with multiple students after providing them with alcohol and marijuana. According to police, Appleton was taken into custody following a lengthy investigation through the Indiana Department of Child Services. Investigators say Appleton had sex with multiple students over the course of a year. In at least one instance, Appleton had sex with a student at her residence after drinking alcohol and smoking marijuana with the minor. The alleged sexual encounters took place between April 2011 and May 2012. Police have not yet released the age of the alleged victims and classified the investigation as ongoing. School officials have announced that Appleton no longer works for the district. Appleton was booked into jail and charged with 13 counts of sexual misconduct with a minor, child seduction, maintaining a common nuisance and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Officials say additional charges may be forthcoming as the investigation continues. Appleton does not always put on a sad-ass poor-little-me so hard done by show. Here is how she looks, when she is on the prowl: Would be iteresting to find out why none of the grown-ups would mess with her.
Tech Support Pits: From: Rick Re: How much RAM for Windows 7? Dear Webby My wife has been talked into getting Windows 7 by her weird women's libber friends. She wants me to upgrade her eight year old XP to Windows 7. How much RAM would I have to add? Rick Dear Rick Buy her a cheap Windows7 computer instead, and quietly adopt her old XP for a spare computer for yourself. Windows7 will never run very well on that old XP, but if you simply format it and re-instally XP, it will run as fast as it did when it was bought, and will run circles around Windows7 computers. Check the specials at TigerDirect, Future Shop, Dell, etc. and buy her a $300 Windows 7 machine. Anything else will just wste your time. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Coffee to Keep Away Mosquitoes Age your old coffee grounds for about a month in an open container and sprinkle them wherever you see standing water to kill mosquito larva. (Don't use in fish tanks or where there are water plants, etc.) You can also use leftover coffee in a spray on weeds and outdoor surfaces, as these insects hate the aroma! Cheap, easy, and relatively non-toxic! Source: AARP online newsletter By from Los Angeles, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
100 healthy snacks It's the snacks that make all the difference! Discover How To Prepare 100 Delicious Snacks with 3 Ingredients Or Less. Now You Can Enjoy Ready-to-eat Healthy Snacks With Over 100 Nutritionist-approved French-style Recipes designed to keep you thin, healthy and satisfied. This looks like an Heirloom book, that will be passed on from generation to generation!

A visitor to Denver rushed from the airport into a waiting taxi, trying to keep dry in the heavy downpour. "Can you think of anything worse," grumbled the visitor, "than raining cats and dogs in Denver?" "Sure," said the Karl, cab driver. "Hailing taxis!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island. Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him. When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him, "The captain said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued."
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