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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, October 9

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion. --- Steven Weinberg (1933 - ),
The personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff broken down by age and sex. The personnel office sent this reply: "Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one broken down by age or sex. However, we have a few alcoholics."
Stink Bug Control! (This is NOT about the Government!) In Alaska, don't worry about stinkbugs, yet. So far they are only in the lower 48 states, and worst in the East. If the stinkbugs have started to show up in your area, get this book! The price WILL go up, so don't procrastinate! Get StinkBug Control now!

A man was just falling off to sleep when his wife nudged him and said the telephone was ringing. "At this hour it's probably for you," she said, closing her eyes. The phone by their bed was not working, so the man rolled out of bed and trundled downstairs. When he returned, his wife was asleep. He woke her and said, "It wasn't for me, after all." He waited as she drug herself out of bed, pulled on her robe and headed for the stairs. Then he added, "It was a wrong number."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Voting works again!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rogelio Andaverde, 34, Edinburg, Texas Faked His Own Kidnapping To Party, Because He Was Afraid Of His Wife Reported by Sailor Last week, Rogelio Andaverde let it be known that he'd rather be kidnapped at gunpoint than tell his wife he wanted to go out partying. The 34-year-old Edinburg, Texas man allegedly staged his own kidnapping last Tuesday. At about 10:30 p.m. he had his buddies -- wearing masks and toting guns -- break into his home while his wife was there and take him at gunpoint, police tell the San Antonio Express-News. The frantic woman called authorities, who fanned out across the neighborhood to look for Andaverde, Fox News reports. Police grew suspicious when they couldn't find any leads, and even more-so when Andaverde turned up. He reportedly told his wife that his kidnappers showed mercy and set him free. But later he allegedly confessed that he lied about the kidnapping so he could go out on the town with his buddies. He also reportedly said he was afraid of his wife. "We have people file false reports all the time, and we put them in jail for it," Hidalgo County Sheriff Guadalupe Treviño told The Monitor. "But I've never had someone do it just to get out of the house." Andaverde was charged with making a false report, and deputies are looking for his friends -- the bogus kidnappers -- for questioning. Fake or not, it was a kidnapping and involved guns. They go to jail too. Tech Support Pits From: Noella Re: Free Anti-Virus For the person who wanted good free virus protection: I've used Microsoft Security Essentials for several years with no problems. I also use CrapCleaner (run every day), Malwarebytes and Spybot Search and Destroy (run both at least once a week) along with it. So far, they have worked well for me. Noella Dear Noella Keep in mind, A) if Microsoft Security Essentials was good enough to sell, Microsoft surely wood, and B) Because a huge number of people use it, it is a favorite target for hackers. Running CrapCleaner, Malwarebytes and Spybot Search and Destroy daily is definitely a good idea if you rely on Microsoft Security Essentials, so is Defensive Computing, just like defensive riding is a good idea when riding a bike in hostile traffic. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com A Fix for Loose Dresser Knobs For loose dresser knobs that will not remain tightened, you might consider bow or ribbon ties. This will work best in children's rooms, bedrooms and bathrooms, since the look is rather feminine. I was so frustrated with my bedroom chest of drawers that I took out the hardware and threaded pretty ribbons through the holes. I made bows, and now, whenever I open a drawer, it tightens the bow. No more problem! Just a simple solution to a small frustration. By Janet If someone does not want ribbons but have easy to clean matching knobs or handles, I would recommend a drop of Loctite. Loctite is available in all the better hardware and electrical supply and bearing dealerships. It comes in tiny red bottles for industrial use and tubes for home use. Traditionally the contents are color coded: Green for alredy assembled fasteners. It wicks into the thread. Blue if you have to be able to remove it with tools. It won't rattle loose even on a Harley, but you CAN open it, if you have to. Red Loctite is permanent. You need a torch to soften it. Don't use that on a furnace fan pulley! However, for knobs, that should stay locked for a lifetime, put a drop onto the thread before you put the nut on, or put the nut on and tighten it, then apply a tiny drop of the Green. It will wick into the thread. I used Loctite not just at home but in industry on everything from motors, generators, welders, conveyor belts, crushers, ball and rod mills, pumps, etc. Since just a tiny drop is all you need, one of those tiny bottles will probably last you a lifetime. Next time you are at Home Depot or Ace, look for Loctite, or look for the nearest dealer at http://loctite.com They have all kinds of other industrial glues and sealers too, just look for Threadlockers. And yes, it works well on stove door handles, fridge handles, anything that should be tighter than it is. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give to an old lady in the park. Her mother was touched by the child's kindness, and gave her the dollar, the said, "There you are, my dear, but tell me, isn't the lady able to work any more?" "Oh yes," said the little girl. "She sells candy."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A minister announced to the congregation that admission to a church social event would be six dollars per person. "However, if you're over 65," he said, "the price will be only $5.50." From the back of the sanctuary, a woman's voice rang out, "Do you really think I'd give you that information for only fifty cents?"

» American Heraldry

Today, Oct 10, in
1845 The United States Naval Academy opened in Annapolis, MD.
1865 The billiard ball was patented by John Wesley Hyatt.
1887 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Phonograph Company.
1911 China's Manchu dynasty was overthrown by revolutionaries 
 under Sun Yat-sen.
1913 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson triggered the explosion of 
 the Gamboa Dike that ended the construction of the 
 Panama Canal.
1933 Dreft, the first synthetic detergent, went on sale.
1938 Nazi Germany completed annexation of Czechoslovakia's 
 Sudetenland.
1943 Chaing Kai-shek took the oath of office as president
1959 Pan American World Airways announced the beginning of 
 the first global airline service.
1963 A dam burst in Italy killing 3,000 people.
1965 The Red Baron made his first appearance in the "Peanuts" 
 comic strip.
1973 Fiji became independent after of nearly a century of 
 British rule.
1987 Tom McClean finished rowing across the Atlantic Ocean. 
 He set the record at 54 days and 18 hours.
1991 The United States cut all foreign aid to Haiti in 
 reaction to a military coup that forced President 
 Jean-Claude Aristide into exile.
1994 Lt. Gen. Raoul Cedras resigned as Haiti's commander-in-
 chief of the army and pledged to leave the country.
2003 Rush Limbaugh annouced that he was addicted to painkillers 
 and that he was going to check into a rehab center.
2010 In China, Canton Tower opened to the public. 
2013  smiled


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Free Anti-Virus 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, October 9

Thank you very much, Cookie!

My lawn is bright yellow. Completely covered with bright
yellow leaves. Around here that does not mean anybody would
go buy a rake and garbage bag, except maybe the newcomers
in the new subdivision.
Most people just look to the Western horizon and guess about
when the next Chinook will arrive.

The climatologists had predicted a Chinook for the weekend,
but with those bozos you got to be glad if they can correctly
predict that after Friday there is a good chance for a weekend.

They are still yapping about Gullible Warming. Yeah, right.
Down South, maybe. Here we had two degrees above freezing,
thin November rain and a gusty 20 - 40 mph North-West wind
while I took Copper, my neighbor's dog, for our regular 
evening walk. Tomorrow I will be wearing gloves!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)
>From Dave Morris Schwartz is dying and is on his deathbed. He is with his nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, and knows the end is near. So he says to them: "Bennie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses.' Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza. Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Center. Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown" The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says to the wife, “Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hard working man to have accumulated so much property." Sarah replies, "Property schmoperty...the schmuck had a newspaper route."
Stink Bug Control! (This is NOT about the Government!) In Alaska, don't worry about stinkbugs, yet. So far they are only in the lower 48 states, and worst in the East. If the stinkbugs have started to show up in your area, get this book! The price WILL go up, so don't procrastinate! Get StinkBug Control now!

>From Dave A Jewish couple won twenty-million pounds on the lottery. They immediately set out to begin a life of luxury. They bought a magnificent mansion in Knightsbridge and surrounded themselves with all the material wealth imaginable. Then they decided to hire a butler. They found the perfect butler through an agency, very proper and very British, and brought him back to their home. The day after his arrival, he was instructed to set up the dining room table for four, as they were inviting the Cohens to lunch. The couple then left the house to do some shopping. When they returned, they found the table set for eight. They asked the butler why eight, when they had specifically instructed him to set the table for four. The butler replied, "The Cohens telephoned and said they were bringing the Blintzes and the Knishes!"
Sun in my neighbor's poplar tree Click on the picture for the large version and here with the sun behind a branch Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Voting works again!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to April Chamberlain, 30, Oklahoma City, OK Teacher jailed for passing out drunk at school with whisky in purse Reported by The Weekly Vice April Chamberlain, a 30-year-old substitute teacher at Milwood High School, was jailed Wednesday after she was allegedly found passed-out drunk with a bottle of whiskey in her purse. According to the Oklahoma County Sheriff's Office, Chamberlain was substitute teaching a biology class while she appeared disoriented and persisted in using profanity with students. When students found Chamberlain passed out in the office, they contacted a coach who alerted the school principal. Investigators say Chamberlain was slow to wake up after she had been tapped on the shoulder and shouted at to "wake up." A deputy at the scene found an opened bottle of Canadian Whiskey in Chamberlain's purse and noted that she smelled strongly of alcohol. Chamberlain also reportedly slurred her words and appeared to be unsteady on her feet. She was booked into the Oklahoma County Jail and charged with public drunkenness. Following the arrest, Millwood Public Schools Superintendent, Cecilia Robinson, announced that Chamberlain was "only a substitute teacher". Tech Support Pits From: Jan Re: Free Anti-Virus Webby I was wanting to know IF you knew of any Free Anti Virus that was really good and did the job of protecting, I at times can not afford the ones like you use etc..and all. May sound strange but that's the way it is for me .. I want some thing that Can do the job and be trust worthy and thought you would be the one to know. Thank you so much and I hope you are doing ok with your eyes .... Jan Dear Jan If the free ones were good enough, then nobody would spend $30 a year for a better one. Depending on what one has to protect, an empty KFC bucket might be good enough for a motorcycle helmet. Personally, I prefer a BELL helmet. Full face. That is why I use McAfee McAfee Total Protection has all kinds of other goodies included. For example, if somebody sends me a link, and there is some kind of danger there, It pops a big, goofy warning screen with 2" high letters yelling: "WHOA! Don't go there! Back up!" and it blocks that site from sending anything, even cookies. Like that, it has all kinds of protectors built in, not just virus and malware protection. You just have to decide, whether your stuff is worth $30 - $40 a year, or whether it is no big deal if you lose it all and it is easy enough to start all over. If you decide to gamble, upload the important stuff to some cloud based archive. There are some free ones available, though I have not checked those out. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Give Halloween Pencils Instead of Candy For Halloween I give out Halloween pencils. You can get them at the Dollar Store, there is usually 10 in a package. They always get too much candy, and it can be used after the holiday. The kids love it, so do the parents! I have been doing this for years now. By Lynda (crabby) from Kearny NJ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way. Andy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asks her husband, "Darling, honestly, if you didn't know me, what age would you say I am?" Looking over her carefully, Andy replied, "Judging from your skin, 20; your hair, 18; your eyes, 16, and your figure, 25." "Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. Just as she was about to tell Andy his reward, he stops her by saying: "WHOA, hold on there sweety! I haven't added them up yet!" Andy may eventually be able to walk again, if he is careful.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Little Johnny was in church when the wine and wafers were passed out. His mother leaned over and told him that he was not old enough to partake in the Communion. When the basket was passed around she leaned over once again to tell him to drop his money in, but Little Johhny held his dollar firmly in his hand, stating: "If I can't eat, I won't pay!"

» Captivating Black And White Photography

Today, Oct 9, in
1635 Roger Williams, founder of Rhode Island, was banished 
 from Massachusetts because he had spoken out against 
 punishments for religious offenses and giving away land 
 that belonged to the Indians. Williams had founded 
 Providence, Rhode Island as a place for people to seek 
 religious freedom.
1701 The Collegiate School of Connecticut was chartered in 
 New Haven. The name was later changed to Yale.
1776 A group of Spanish missionaries settled in what is 
 now San Francisco, CA.
1781 The last major battle of the American Revolutionary 
 War took place in Yorktown, VA. The American forces, led 
 by George Washington, defeated the British troops under 
 Lord Cornwallis.
1812 During the War of 1812 American forces captured two 
 British brigs, the Detroit and the Caledonia.
1855 Isaac Singer patented the sewing machine motor.
1855 Joshua C. Stoddard received a patent for his calliope.
1858 Mail service via stagecoach between San Francisco, CA, 
 and St. Louis, MO, began.
1872 Aaron Montgomery started his mail order business with 
 the delivery of the first mail order catalog. The firm 
 later became Montgomery Wards.
1876 Alexander Graham Bell and Thomas Watson made their 
 longest telephone call to date. It was a distance of 2 miles.
1888 The public was admitted to the Washington Monument for 
 the first time. Currently the pbulic is blocked from it.
1914 During World War I, German forces captured Antwerp, Be.
1936 The first generator at Boulder Dam began transmitting 
 electricity to Los Angeles, CA. The name of the dam was 
 later changed to Hoover Dam.
1940 St. Paul's Cathedral in London was bombed by the Nazis. 
 The dome was unharmed in the bombing.
1946 "The Iceman Cometh" opened in New York City, NY.
1946 The first electric blanket went on sale in Petersburg, VA.
1963 Over 2,000 people were killed in northeast Italy when 
 the Vaiont Dam was overrun by water. The incident was 
 caused by landslide that occurred behind the dam.
1967 Che Guevara was executed by Bolivian soldiers for 
 attempting to incite a revolution in Bolivia.
1975 Andrei Sakharov was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. 
 The Soviet scientist is known as the "father of the 
 hydrogen bomb."
1983 Helen Moss joined the Brownies at the age of 83. 
 She became the oldest person to become a member.
1985 The hijackers of the Achille Lauro cruise liner 
 surrendered after the ship arrived in Port Said, Egypt.
1986 U.S. District Judge Harry E. Claiborne became the fifth 
 federal official to be removed from office through 
 impeachment. The U.S. Senate convicted Claiborne of 
 "high crimes and misdemeanors."
1986 The musical "Phantom of the Opera" by Andrew Lloyd 
 Webber opened in London.
1989 The official Soviet news agency Tass reported an 
 unidentified flying object. The report included a trio of 
 tall aliens that had visited the city of Voronzh.
1994 The U.S. sent troops and warships to the Persian Gulf 
 in response to Saddam Hussein sending thousands of troops 
 and hundreds of tanks toward the Kuwaiti border.
1995 Saboteurs tinkered with a stretch of railroad track in 
 Arizona. An Amtrak train derailed killing one and injuring 
 a hundred.
2009 NASA launched the Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing 
 Satellite (LCROSS). On November 13, it was announced that 
 water had been discovered in the planned impact plume on 
 the moon. 
2013  smiled


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Internet Radio 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, October 8
Thank you Allene!

OOOPS! I forgot the picture. Here it is:
The leaves on my Saskatoon bushes are turning colorful. 
Here is a picture of me in front of them today.


Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies. --- Woody Allen (1935 - ) We can have facts without thinking but we cannot have thinking without facts. --- John Dewey (1859 - 1952)
An Irish Priest Transferred Recently to Texas Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?" "And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Brigid's There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?" Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!" There was dead silence on the line for a long moment. Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, tis certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin."
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This little guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders his drink. After a while, this big guy comes along and "WHAP" little guy's on the floor. The big guy says "That was a karate chop from Japan" So, the little guy gets up and sits down again. Soon, the big guy's back again, and "WHOOSH" little guy's on the floor again. The big guy says "that was a sumo chop from China" Little guy gets up and leaves. The big guy sits down where the little guy was. Thirty minutes later, the little guy comes back, and "BANG" big guy's on the floor, passed out. The little guy tells the bartender "When he wakes up, tell him that was a pipe wrench, from Sears."
Thanks to Sue in Saskatchewan for this picture of a prairie sunset Sunday evening. Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Voting works again!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charles Marqull Williams, 20 Man who forgot to flush arrested for buglary Reported by NewsOK A man accused of stealing some items from a home was charged with burglary based on what he left behind. Charles Marqull Williams, 20, was charged Wednesday with first-degree burglary in Oklahoma County District Court. A burglary was reported at 1509 SE 47 Place. The burglar apparently relieved himself in a toilet, leaving behind unflushed feces and a used piece of toilet paper on the floor, according to the probable cause affidavit. A DNA test on the toilet paper matched Williams, the affidavit states. Williams was convicted previously of second-degree burglary, concealing stolen property and possession of a controlled dangerous substance, records show. Tech Support Pits From: Allie Re: Internet radio Dear Webby, You once mentioned an Internet radio, that you use, but at the time I did not need it, so I neglected to bookmark it. Can you please tell me again? Allie Dear Allie I use Accu Radio They have a classic and a new user interface. Either one lets you choose from countless categories, ban artists, whom you don't like, and customize it to just what you want. For example, I just noticed a channel: "80's: No Metal" Turns out to be nice and perky, just fine for background. Another category mentiones: " .... No Rap" Some day, I will definitely check that out. Accu Country Internet Radio plays nicely in the background, no matter what you do with the browser. However, if you open a video chat on Skype, it immediately mutes automatically to just a very faint hint of music, that does not interfere. As soon as you end the chat, the radio comes back to the normal volume. The same goes for rebooting. Accu Radio comes back automatically. There are visual ads, but since you normally run it in the background anyway, they are no problem. You can run AccuRadio on any old computer. VISTA, Windows98, Windows2000, XP, etc are just fine. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Alcohol To Remove Permanent Marker If you get permanent marker on appliances/counter tops (like store receipt blue!), you can remove it with rubbing alcohol on a paper towel. Source: My Mom By JodiT from Aurora, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
This lady surprised a burglar in her kitchen. He was all loaded down with the things he was going to steal. She had no weapon and was all alone. The only thing that she could think to do was quote scripture. So, she holds up a hand and says: "ACTS 2:38!!!" The burglar quakes in fear and then freezes to the point that she is able to get to the phone and call 911 for the cops. When the cops arrive, the burglar is still frozen in place. They are very much surprised that a woman alone with no weapon could do this. One of them asked the lady: "How did you do this?" The woman replied:" I quoted scripture." The cop turned the burglar: "What was it about the scripture that had such an effect on you?" The burglar replied: "Scripture! What scripture? I thought she said she had an axe and two 38's."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely quiet. She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen anything like it before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why are you so well-behaved and quiet?" Finally, after much urging, a little girl said, "Well, one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you would drop dead!!"

» Octoberfest Munich

Today, Oct 8, in
1895 The Berliner Gramophone Company was founded in
 Philadelphia, PA.
1915 During World War I, the Battle of Loos concluded.
1919 The first transcontinental air race in the U.S. began.
1945 U.S. President Truman announced that only Britain and 
 Canada would be given the secret to the atomic bomb.
1950 U.N. forces crossed into North Korea from South Korea.
1952 "The Complete Book of Etiquette" was published for 
 the first time.
1966 The U.S. Government declared that LSD was dangerous 
 and an illegal substance.
1970 Soviet author Alexander Solzhenitsyn won the Nobel 
 Prize for literature.
1982 In Poland, all labor organizations, including Solidarity,
 were banned.
1993 The U.S. government issued a report absolving the FBI 
 of any wrongdoing in its final assault in Waco, TX, on 
 the Branch Davidian compound. The fire that ended the 
 siege killed as many as 85 people.
1998 Taliban forces attacked Iranian border posts. Iran 
 said that three border posts were destroyed before the 
 Taliban forces were forced to retreat. The Taliban of 
 Afghanistan denied the event occurred.
1998 Canada and Netherlands were voted into the U.N. 
 Security Council.
2001 Two Russian cosmonauts made the first spacewalk to 
 be conducted outside of the international space station 
 without a shuttle present.
2002 A federal judge approved U.S. President George W. Bush's 
 request to reopen West Coast ports, to end a caustic 10-day 
 labor lockout. The lockout was costing the U.S. economy an 
 estimated $1 billion to $2 billion a day.
2003 China announced that it would have a human crew orbit 
 the Earth briefly on October 15.
2003 Vietnam and the United States reached a tentative 
 agreement that would allow the first commercial flights 
 between the two countries since the end of the Vietnam 
 War.
2004 The first-ever direct presidential elections were 
 held in Afghanistan. 
2013  smiled


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Automatic Search Suggestions 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, October 7

Enough others are writing about the US Govt blocking the
Veterans from the war memorials and kicking seniors out
of their houses, if they are on leased land. So I will
completely avoid those topics.

The leaves on my Saskatoon bushes are turning colorful. 
Here is a picture of me in front of them today.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
While on my desk assignment in the Army, I noticed that my co-worker never answered his phone. One day I asked him why, and he said, "If you had to pick up the telephone and say, 'Statistical section, Specialist Stan Strastewskivich speaking,' would you want to answer the phone?"
Best Data Recovery Software Find lost data on Hard Drives PC & Laptops Removable Drives Flash Drives Cameras Mobile Phones Memory Cards Easy to use and effective! Get Wise Recovery now!

> From Bill C My wife doesn't complain often, but once she was having a old-fashioned "heart-to-heart" with me and said, "Hon, you never listen to me. Every time I try to talk to you, you get this far-away look in your eyes after only a few seconds. Please promise me you'll try to work on that." The last thing I remember was replying, "I'm sorry, what was that you were saying?"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Voting works again!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Frank Harrison, 46, Tewksbury, MA Jailed After Rape Attempt Fails, Woman Cracks His Skull With Cooking Pot Reported by The Weekly Vice Frank Harrison, a 46-year-old Massachusetts man, was jailed Sunday after he allegedly tried to rape a woman - but ended up with several well-earned lumps on his head instead. According to Tewksbury police, officers were dispatched to an Extended Stay motel early Sunday morning after receiving reports about a man who appeared to be suffering from serious head trauma. Arriving officers eventually learned that Harrison received several lumps and cuts to his head after he allegedly entered a woman's motel room with a knife and attempted to rape her. When Harrison refused to let the woman leave the room, she reportedly grabbed a cooking pot and cracked him in the skull several times before fleeing the scene. Harrison was booked into jail and charged with kidnapping, assault to rape while armed, and indecent assault/battery. Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Search Suggestions Dear Webby, Hope you are OK from the injections and you are back with your newsletter soon. Surely do miss you in the mornings. Another question---trying to help a fellow with a computer set-up and we are missing the Automatic suggestions under search box while typing. I have this on mine and he on his old one, but the "newer" machine won't do this. This is the same even in his "Frontier Yahoo" email. Is there a setting somewhere that I haven't found yet that will do this? I am hoping that you know what I am talking about. I was searching for "Kelly Blue Book" the other day and as I typed Kel I got lots of suggestions. Really would like this feature. Thanks again for all. Jim Dear Jim Most likely just a routine Yahoo malfunction. Yahoo and yahoos do weird stuff. If one axes that thilly Yahoo tool bar, and uses FireFox and selects Google as the default search engine, then auto-complete and Search Suggestions work automatically, by default. If it is NOT set, right-click on the search window on the right top, and put a checkmark onto "Show Suggestions" The Search Window might be elsewhere, since you CAN drag it around. It is usually a small window like you see in the picture, and it has the icon of one of the many search engines in the spot, where you see the Google symbol in mine. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Covering Heat Registers To stop cold air leaks from coming in your unused heat register vents just cut up one of those large magnetic calendars for your fridge. I got 3 covers from a Dollar Tree calendar. You can paint them if you choose. By Melanie That is not a good idea at all. If a heat register is not blowing hot air, when the furnace is on, then most likely a pipe has come loose and is now blowing hot air into the basement. Covering that register just helps you to ignore the cause. When you get your furnace and ductwork cleaned, the pro will reconnect the fallen duct, and you will get hot air from that register again. That is routine for them. There is also another consideration. If you have cold basement air coming in from that register, it means you have a vacuum in the house due to warm air escaping somewhere. Use a candle flame to check window and door frames, light fixtures, fireplaces, etc. and reduce the escape of "paid for", heated air. You don't have to eliminate it completely, just reduce it to a trickle. Blocking the register will just shift the cold replacement of the escaped, "paid for", heat to another location. Remember, you can NOT eliminate a vacuum by blocking an intake. You have to block the outgoing escape locations, that create the vacuum. Another thing to remember, if you want to use warm attic air as make-up air to replace the escaped heated air, it will NOT go down into the basement wilingly. Warm air wants to go UP. You need a small duct-fan to force it down there. They are cheap and very quiet. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an Individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week". He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh... Pacific."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man with a wooden leg wanted to buy fire insurance for his leg. The first actuary quoted an annual premium of $500, estimating that the leg would burn once in 20 years and the value of the leg is $10,000. The second actuary quoted an annual premium of $50. When the second actuary was asked how he arrived at such a small figure, he replied, "This situation is right here in the fire schedule rating table. The object is a wooden structure with an upper sprinkler, isn't it?"

» Poor Puppies




Today, Oct 7, in
1765 Nine American colonies sent a total of 28 delegates 
 to New York City for the Stamp Act Congress. The delegates 
 adopted the "Declaration of Rights and Grievances."
1777 During the American Revolution the second Battle 
 of Saratoga began.
1913 For the first time, Henry Ford's entire Highland Park 
 automobile factory was run on a continuously moving 
 assembly line when the chassis was added to the process.
1949 The German Democratic Republic (EastGermany) was formed
1950 The U.S.-led U.N. forces crossed the 38th parallel 
 and entered North Korea. China in November proved their 
 threat to enter the war by sending several hundred thousand 
 troops over the border into North Korea.
1951 The Western Hills Hotel in Fort Worth, TX, became the 
 first hotel to feature all foam-rubber mattresses and 
 pillows.
1963 U.S. President Kennedy signed a nuclear test ban 
 treaty with Britain and the Soviet Union.
1981 The Egyptian parliament, after the assassination of 
 Anwar Sadat, named Vice President Hosni Mubarak the next 
 president of Egypt.
1985 The United States announced that it would no longer 
 automatically comply with World Court decisions.
1989 In Budapest, Hungary's Communist Party renounced Marxism 
 in favor of democratic socialism.
1993 U.S. President Clinton sent more troops, heavy armor, 
 and naval firepower to Somalia.
1994 U.S. President Clinton dispatched an aircraft carrier 
 to the Persian Gulf when Iraqi troops were spotted moving 
 toward Kuwait. The U.S. Army was also put on alert.
1998 The U.S. government filed an antitrust suit that 
 alleged Visa and MasterCard inhibit competition by 
 preventing banks from offering other cards.
1999 American Home Products Corp. agreed to pay up 
 to $4.83 billion to settle claims that the fen-phen 
 diet drug caused dangerous problems with heart valves.
2001 The U.S. and Great Britain began airstrikes in 
 Afghanistan in response to that state's support of 
 terrorism and Osama bin Laden. The act was the first 
 military action taken in response to the terrorist 
 attacks on the U.S. on September 11, 2001.
2003 In California, Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected 
 governor in the recall election of Governor Gray Davis. 
2013  smiled


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Hot Laptop 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, October3

Today I am due for more injections into
my eyeballs. That means no newsletters on Friday, Saturday 
and Sunday.

535 members of the US Congress, both Senators and 
Representatives, Democrats, Republicans and ‘Independents’   
alike can vocalize political rhetoric, while they draw 
their full pay, allowances and benefits, and are exempted 
from the same “ObamaCare” law they passed. 

Just how bad is "Obamacare", that anybody in the White House,
including Michelle's 500 paid fans, ahem "staffers", anybody
in the Senate and the House and THEIR staffers, and all the 
Millions of illegal immigrants have to be exempted and shielded
from it?

Shouldn't the military and the vets be excempted and shielded 
too?

Blocking the WWII Memorial and the Vietnam War Memorial as if
they were the property of the Democratic Party is NOT a smart
move. Remember, at least 100,000 of the bikers from the 9/11
run to DC were vets. They can be ignited again!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

People might not get all they work for in this world, but they must certainly work for all they get. --- Frederick Douglass (1817 - 1895)
Thanks to Annette for this excellent re-write of an old classic: Woman Shot in her own Driveway Linda Burnett, 26, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and, while there, went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered. Linda is a Democrat, and an Obama supporter, but that could all be a coincidence. The defective biscuit canister was analyzed and the expiration date was from 2008, so it was determined to be Bush's fault.
Best Data Recovery Software Find lost data on Hard Drives PC & Laptops Removable Drives Flash Drives Cameras Mobile Phones Memory Cards Easy to use and effective! Get Wise Recovery now!

>From Elizabeth I overheard my father telling a family friend about my newly- assigned mission in the U.S. Coast Guard. I work on a cutter that escorts cruise ships and international vessels under the bridges in California's Bay Area. But what my father told his friend was, "She's involved in some sort of escort service."
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Voting works again!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Matthew Freethy-Swimm and Melissa Jones in Athens, Georgia Jailed for raping 10 year old autistic boy Reported by The Weekly Vice Georgia couple Matthew Freethy-Swimm and Melissa Jones have been jailed after they allegedly raped a 10-year-old autistic boy at knife-point. According to police, a 10-year-old autistic boy was raped at knife-point after the boy's mother asked the couple to watch her son while she took her younger child to the emergency room following an accident. The victim's mother is reportedly the couple's landlord and both of her sons (ages 10 and 9) are autistic. Investigators say Freethy-Swimm and Jones wasted no time in sexually assaulting the boy after his mother pulled out of the driveway. The victim told detectives that Freethy-Swimm held a knife to his throat while Jones sexually assaulted him. The victim also stated that after the assault, Jones bragged about "taking the virginity of a minor," according to the arrest affidavit. After the incident, the boy reportedly began having behavioral issues that persisted for several weeks. Three weeks after the incident the boy ran out of his house and confronted Freethy-Swimm and Jones over the alleged abuse and "being forced to have sex with Jones." Bi-standers reportedly had to pull the alleged victim away. That's when the boy gave a detailed description of what happened to him to his mother, a therapist and police. Later, the boy was given a forensic examination at The Cottage Sexual Assault Center, where he was interviewed by an expert who specializes in communicating with autistic children. Following the interview, a warrant was obtained for Freethy-Swimm and Jones' arrest. They were booked into jail and charged with felony statutory rape and child molestation. Freethy-Swimm was additionally charged with aggravated assault. He is also wanted in Massachusetts on a charge of assault with a deadly weapon. Jones was additionally charged with sexual battery. Tech Support Pits From: Fran Re: Hot laptop Dear Webby. My laptop gets hot and after an hour shuts down. What can I do to fix that? Fran Dear Fran Get a small Philips (star) screwdriver, a vacuum cleaner, some Q-tips and a cleaning spray like Simple Green or Windex. Turn the laptop off and turn it upside down. Open the clamshell after removing the 4 = 6 screws that hold it. Don't worry, nothing is going to go sproing and jump out. Vacuum the inside and look for fans and heat sinks. Heat Sinks are finned radiators, usually bare aluminum, and sometimes hiding under a fan shroud. The fan shrouds usually pop off with a bit of help from a screwdriver. Clean them and the fan blades with the Q-tips and cleaning spray. Make sure you don't miss a fan blade, or it will be noisy. When done, vacuum again to get the dirt, that your work knocked loose. Close the clam shell and put the screws back in. That's all there is to it. If you are scared of doing that yourself, the kid next door would probably gladly do it for a pumpkin pie or $5. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Alcohol in a Spray Bottle To Clean Eyeglasses We were told when we purchased our eyeglasses to just use alcohol in a small spray bottle. We both have special non-glare finishes. The lenses had been damaged on past glasses by other cleaning methods, but this one works beautifully! By Elgie Simple Green, diluted about 1 part SG to 6 - 8 parts water, misted onto the glasses with a trigger sprayer or a compact pump sprayer like the one you get with the glasses, then rinsed under hot water, and dried with micro-fiber cloth or clean former t-shirt rag, works just fine. The same works fine for monitors too. And it is not toxic or alcoholic, and a lot cheaper than alcohol. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Thanks to Vern for this story: Preparing for a tag sale at our house, my wife and I decided to put out a mirror we'd received as a wedding gift. Because of its garish aqua colored metal frame we just couldn't find a room in our house where it looked good. Shortly after the tag sale started, a man looking to decorate his apartment bought it for one dollar. "This is a great deal," he said excitedly." It still has the plastic on it." Then he peeled off the aqua colored protective covering to reveal a beautiful gold finished frame.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"What's the usual tip?" a man growled when the college boy who delivered his pizza. "Well," the student replied, "this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I'd be doing great." "That so?" grunted the man. "In that case, here's five dollars." "Thanks," the student said, "I'll put it in my college fund." "By the way, what are you studying?" "Applied psychology."

» Silk Flowers and Feathers




Today, Oct 3, in
1863 U.S. President Lincoln declared that the last Thursday 
 of November would be recognized as Thanksgiving Day.
1893 The motor-driven vacuum cleaner was patented by Thurman.
1901 The Victor Talking Machine Company was incorporated. 
 After a merger with Radio Corporation of America the company 
 became RCA-Victor.
1906 W.T. Grant opened a 25-cent department store.
1929 The Kingdom of Serbs, Croats and Slovenes officially 
 changed its name to the Kingdom of Yugoslavia.
1932 Iraq was admitted into the League of Nations leading 
 Britain to terminate their mandate over the nation. Britain 
 had ruled Iraq since taking it from Turkey during World War I.
1935 Italian forces invaded Abyssinia (now Ethiopia).
1941 Adolf Hitler stated in a speech that Russia was "broken" 
 and they "would never rise again." With the help of the USA 
 they did.
1942 The Office of Economic Stabilization was established by 
 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt. He also authorized 
 controls on rents, wages, salaries and farm prices.
1944 During World War II, U.S. troops broke through the 
 Siegfried Line.
1951 CBS-TV aired the first coast-to-coast telecast of a 
 prizefight. Dave Sands defeated Carl Olson at Soldier 
 Field in Chicago.
1952 Britain became the third nuclear power in the world 
 when they successfully detonated their first atomic bomb. 
 The U.S. and Russia were the only other nuclear powers.
1981 Irish Nationalist in Maze Prison in Belfast, Northern 
 Ireland called off their hunger strike. The strike had 
 lasted 7 months and ten people had died.
1989 East Germany suspended unrestricted travel to 
 Czechoslovakia in an effort to slow the flow of refugees 
 to the West.
1990 The Berlin Wall was dismantled eleven months after 
 the borders between East and West Germany were dissolved. 
 The unification of Germany ended 45 years of division.
1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein made a visit to Kuwait 
 since his country had seized control of the oil-rich nation.
1994 The headquarters of the Haitian pro-army militia was 
 raided by U.S. soldiers.
2003 Ray Horn, of the duo "Siegfried & Roy," was attacked 
by a tiger during a performance. Roy survived the attack 
 after being dragged offstage. The tiger, a 7-year-old 
 male named Montecore, was debuting in his first show.
2006 North Korea announced that it would conduct a nuclear 
 test as a key step in the manufacture of atomic bombs that 
 it viewed as a deterrent against a U.S. attack. 
2013  smiled


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Comcast cable problem 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, October2

WWII War Memorial Gestapo is no match for WWII veterans!

Just to be ornery, the WWII War Memorial was closed by the
Government and heavily armed park Gestapo was trying to keep
visitors out.  

The four bus loads of veterans — visiting from Mississippi 
as part of a once-in-a-lifetime Honor Flight tour — ignored 
National Park Gestapo instructions not to enter the site as 
lawmakers and tourists cheered them on.

“We didn’t come this far not to get in,” one veteran 
proclaimed.

The veterans figured the WWII War Memorial belonged to them, 
not to the potbellied goons with guns and batons and tasers.
And just like they won WWII, they won the fight for the 
memorial.

As Rep. Steve King, R-Iowa, distracted the Park Police, other 
lawmakers and their staff helped topple the metal fences. A 
bagpiper on hand for the event led the veterans past the 
crowd and into the heart of the memorial, attracting a lot
of applause from the large crowd.

“This just means so much to me,” said Alex “Lou” Pitalo, an 
Army vet who served in the Pacific during WWII. “I waited 
70 years to get a welcome like this. And to get to see this 
and to have all those people clapping … I’m just so happy. 
This was amazing.”


To be ornery and spiteful the Government has closed other 
memorial sites too, as if they were property of the 
Democrats.

I have a hunch, we will hear more about this!

Just in:
House Republicans were not able to push through 3 measures 
that would have reopened the national parks, and funded 
veterans programs while the federal government is shut down.
The Democrats in the Senate, just to be an ornery and spiteful
nuisance, vetoed that. Obama also announced, that he would
veto it, if it passed.

We know he doesn't like the military, and apparently he does
not like veterans either.


On Thursday, october 3, I am due for more injections into
my eyeballs. That means no newsletters on Friday, Saturday 
and Sunday.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995),
Thanks to Allen for this story: Before our daughter went off to college, our family took a vacation in Colorado. So we flew to Denver and rented a car. We visited the Royal Gorge Bridge, which is more than 1000 feet above the Arkansas River. Walking out onto the bridge, I noticed it swaying in the wind. Then a car went past us, and the wood-plank roadway moved beneath my feet. "I don't think I want to drive the car across this bridge," I finally said. "What are you worried about?" our daughter replied. "It's a rental."
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A guy came home to his wife and said to her: "Guess what? I've found a great job. A 10 am start, 2 pm finish, no over- time, no weekends and it pays $600 a week!" "That's great," his wife said. "Yeah, I thought so too," he agreed. "You start Monday."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jayne Rand, 48, of Swindon, England Jailed for shoplifting 905 handbags Reported by Sun Metro Tech Support Pits From: Judy Re: Comcast Hi Webby. I hope you can help me with internet connection problem. I'm connect to cabel,but there are time when I have low power and I cannot connect to the internet. It will be off for several hour and sometime longer.This has happen many times. They have changed the cabel modem box and a connection outside. When The repair man test my computer every thing is o.k.. Comcast has decided the problem is with the outside cabel. Hope you can help or tell me where I can go for help. Judy Dear Judy There is nothing you can do on your end about poor cable quality somewhere between your house and the station. Comcast probably does not even own the cable, but just piggybacks on a local cable company's cable. Theoretically they could raise a fuss with the local cable company, but usually they can't be bothered. Switching to a different provider piggybacking on the same cable probably would not make any difference. Switching to DSL, if it is available in your area, would generally give you more reliability, but a bit less speed. In the meantime, all you can do is yell at Comcast and hope they will get the local cable company to fix the problem. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Careful With Goo Gone on Leather I bought a pair of Lilly Pulitzer sandals that had sticker residue on the leather insoles. I used Goo Gone and it removed the gold lettering also and also left a blotched area. I have used Goo Gone in the past with great success, but I would not recommend using it on leather. By eggoodwin Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
One day our little niece Rita, went up to her mother and asked, "Mom, where did I come from?" My sister in law stammered a bit, but finally got her composure. She thought it was time her daughter knew the facts of life. So, she told Little Rita how the expression of love resulted in the beginning of life, how life developed in the womb and finally how a child was born. As my sister in law gave the whole story, Rita's eyes got wider and wider. When She was finished, Little Rita said "Wow, that's really neat. That's sure better than what Uncle Rusty told me. He said that he came from Toronto."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Here is a good old classic: This Irish guy shows up in a pub one day and orders three pints of Guinness. He takes sips from each glass until they are empty and calls the bartender for three more. The bartender says, "Hey, pal, I don't mind bringing one at a time, then they'll be fresh and cold." "Nah... ahm preferrin' that ya bring 'em three at a time. You see, me and me two brothers would meet at a pub and drink and have good times. Now one is in Australia, the other in Canada and I'm here. We agreed before we split up that we'd drink this way to each other's honor." "Well," says the bartender, "that's a damn good sentimental thing to do. I'll bring the pints as you ask." Well, time goes on and the Irishman's peculiar habit is known and accepted by all the pub regulars. One day, the Irishman comes in and orders only two pints. A hush falls over the pub. Naturally, everyone figures something happened to one of the brothers. A bunch of the regulars corner the bartender and finally persuade him to find out what happened. With a heavy heart, the bartender brings the two pints and says, "Here's your pints... and let me offer my sincerest condolences. What happened?" The Irishman looks extremely puzzled for a moment. When the light comes on in his head, he starts laughing. "No, no! 'Tis nothing like that. You see, I've gotten married and promised to give up drinking. Hasn't affected my brothers, though."

» Our Story in 2 minutes




Today, Oct 2, in
1492 King Henry VII of England invaded France.
1780 British army major John Andre was hanged as a spy. 
 He was carrying information about the actions of 
 Benedict Arnold.
1835 The first battle of the Texas Revolution took place 
 near the Guadalupe River when American settlers defeated 
 a Mexican cavalry unit.
1836 Charles Darwin returned to England after 5 years 
 of acquiring knowledge around the world about fauna, flora, 
 wildlife and geology. He used the information to develop 
 his "theory of evolution" which he unveiled in his 1859 
 book entitled The Origin of Species by Means of Natural 
 Selection.
1870 Rome was made the capital of Italy.
1925 Scottish inventor John Logie Baird completed the first 
 transmission of moving images.
1937 Warner Bros. released "Love Is on the Air." Ronald 
 Reagan made his acting debut in the motion picture. He 
 was 26 years old.
1941 Operation Typhoon was launched by Nazi Germany. The 
 plan was an all-out offensive against Moscow.
1944 The Nazis crushed the Warsaw Uprising.
1958 Guinea, the French colony in West Africa, proclaimed 
 its independence.
1962 U.S. ports were closed to nations that allowed their 
 ships to carry arms to Cuba, ships that had docked in a 
 socialist country were prohibited from docking in the 
 United States during that voyage, and the transport of 
 U.S. goods was banned on ships owned by companies that 
 traded with Cuba.
Ironically, today the USA is almost as socialist as Cuba.
1989 In Leipzig, East Germany a protest took place demanding 
 the legalization of opposition groups and the adoption of 
 democratic reforms.
1990 The Allies ceded their rights to areas they occupied 
 in Germany, and started paying rent for their bases.
1993 Opponents of Russian President Boris Yeltsin fought 
 police and set up burning barricades.
1998 Hawaii sued petroleum companies, claiming state 
 drivers were overcharged by about $73 million a year 
 in price-fixing.
1998 About 10,000 Turkish soldiers crossed into northern 
 Iraq and attacked Kurdish rebels.
2001 NATO, for the first time, invoked a treaty clause that 
 stated that an attack on one member is an attack on all 
 members. The act was in response to the September 11, 2001 
 terrorist attacks in the United States.
2013  smiled


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Separate keyboard for laptop 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, October1

On Thursday, october 3 I am due for more injections into
my eyeballs. That means no newsletters on Friday, Saturday 
and Sunday. 

After FaceBook was ordered to shut down the truckers site 
for mentioning "God bless America", because it apparently
irked a certain Kenyan hypnotist, a slew of new sites came 
up, all competing with each other like a bunch of kids in a 
sandbox.

The site, that seems to have risen above the fray is
https://www.facebook.com/ridefortheconstitution

Worst of all is the site put up by the owners of the one,
that was shut down. They have some wanna-be radio talk show 
yapper chasing away visitors. You can shut up the yapper
at the left top corner, but best to mute the sound before 
going there. There is some useful information on that site,
but most is unfortunately in little videos, that are not
easy to understand.
That site is http://ridefortheconstitution.org
And now they want to organize a drive to the FaceBook offices!

Even though all the other sites each contribute a little bit,
they just fragment the movement.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working when you get up in the morning, and doesn't stop until you get to the office." --- Robert Frost A mission statement is defined as "a long, awkward sentence that demonstrates management's inability to think clearly. Most companies have one. --- Socratex
>From Maria I was waiting tables at a country club when an elegantly dressed woman spilled Manhattan clam chowder all over her white linen skirt. She began furiously dabbing at it with a napkin. Having plenty of experience with getting out food stains, I asked, "Can I bring you some club soda?" "Young lady," she barked, "I'll be the judge of when I've had enough to drink. Bring me another martini!"
Best Data Recovery Software Find lost data on Hard Drives PC & Laptops Removable Drives Flash Drives Cameras Mobile Phones Memory Cards Easy to use and effective! Get Wise Recovery now!

A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, "I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones, who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours." The banker said, "Yes, he certainly was trusted. And he will be tried as soon as we catch him."
Thanks to Cookie for sending this: Click on the picture for the large version I know nothing about this painting or the artist but I sure do like it a LOT!! Cookie
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Voting works again!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Cynthia Lynn Herr, 35, Spring Hill, Floriduh Jailed After Bragging About Having Sex With Student Four Times In Same Day Reported by The Weekly Vice Cynthia Lynn Herr, a 35-year-old teacher at John D. Floyd Grade School of Environmental Science, was jailed Monday after she allegedly had a day-long sex marathon with a student. According to the Citrus County Sheriff's Office, an investigation was launched after Herr allegedly told another teacher that she was having sex with a 16-year-old student. Investigators say Herr picked up a 16-year-old student, drove him to a motel and proceeded to have sex with him repeatedly throughout the day. The victim confirmed that he and Herr had been involved in a consensual sexual relationship, according to the Sheriff's Office. When detectives interviewed Herr, she admitted to picking up the teen and then driving him to a motel where the two had sex four times throughout the day. Herr was booked into jail and charged with four counts of unlawful sexual activity with certain minors. Her bail was set at $20,000. Tech Support Pits From: Elaine Re: Separate keyboard Dear Webby, How difficult is it to attach and install a real keyboard to a laptop? This silly thing just makes my hands and wrists cramp up in less than half an hour. Help! Elaine Dear Elaine That is exactly why I have been using an external keyboard for the last twenty or so years. The most difficult part about that is taking it out of the box. Just plug it into any free USB port, Windows will recognize it and you can start typing. No need to shut down or reboot. Just plug it in. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fixing a Broken Laundry Basket When a laundry basket breaks, don't toss it. Drill holes in the rim on either side of the break and sew it together again! By Elaine O. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right. A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up. A grandson, who arrived late, came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?" Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the grandson. "They won't let me fart."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results: The first worm in alcohol - Dead. The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead . Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead . Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive. So the Minister asked the congregation - What can you learn from this demonstration? Maxine, who was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, "As long as you drink booze, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

» Gliders

Today, September 30, in
1569 The Duke of Norfolk was imprisoned by Britain's 
 Queen Elizabeth for trying to marry Mary the Queen of Scots.
1800 Spain ceded the territory of Louisiana back to France. 
 Later the property would be purchased by the U.S. effectively 
 doubling its size.
1880 Thomas Edison began the commercial production of 
 electric lamps at Edison Lamp Works in Menlo Park.
1908 The Model T automobile was introduced by Henry Ford. 
 The purchase price of the car was $850.
1918 Damascus was captured from the Turks during WWI by a 
 force made up of British and Arab forces.
1936 General Francisco Franco was proclaimed the head of 
 the Spanish state.
1938 German forces waltzed into Czechoslovakia and seized 
 control of the Sudetenland.
1940 The Pennsylvania Turnpike opened as the first toll 
 superhighway in the United States.
1943 Naples was captured by the Allied forces during WWII.
1946 The International War Crimes Tribunal in Nuremberg 
 sentenced 12 Nazi officials to death. Seven others were 
 sentenced to prison terms and 3 were acquitted.
1949 Mao Tse-tung raised the first flag of the People's 
 Republic of China when the communist forces had defeated 
 the Nationalists. The Nationalist forces fled to Taiwan.
1964 The Free Speech Movement was started at the University 
 of California at Berkeley.
1972 The Chinese government approved friendly relations 
 with the United States.
1979 The United States handed control of the Canal Zone 
 over to Panama.
1984 U.S. Labor Secretary Raymond Donovan announced that 
 he was taking a leave of absence following his indictment 
 on charges of larceny and fraud. He was later acquitted.
1985 The PLO's headquarters in Tunisia was raided by 
 Israeli jet fighters.
1988 Mikhail Gorbachev assumed the Soviet presidency.
1989 7,000 East Germans were welcomed into West Germany 
 after they were allowed to leave by the communist government.
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush addressed the U.N. 
 General Assembly and once again condemned Iraq's takeover 
 of Kuwait.
1990 In Croatia, minority Serbs proclaimed autonomy.
1991 U.S. President Bush condemned the military coup in 
 Haiti that removed President Jean-Bertrand Aristide 
 from power. U.S. economic and military aid was suspended.
1991 The U.S. trust territory of Palau became independent.
1992 The Strategic Arm Reduction Treaty was approved by 
 the U.S. Senate.
1994 The U.S. and Japan avoided a trade war by reaching 
 a series of trade agreements.
1995 Sheik Omar Abdel-Rahman and nine other defendants 
 were convicted in New York of conspiring to attack the 
 U.S. through bombings, kidnappings and assassinations.
1998 The U.S. government posted a $2.2 million reward 
 for the capture of Augustin Vasquez Mendoza. He is 
 accused of killing an undercover U.S. agent during 
 a drug purchase in 1994.
2001 San Francisco's Board of Supervisors voted 
 unanimously to ban Internet filters designed to keep 
 pornography away from children at city libraries. 
 The board left the decision up to the Library Commission 
 to decide whether to install filtering software in 
 children's areas. A federal law in the U.S. mandated 
 the use of the filters. 
2013  smiled


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Invisible counters 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, September 30

Last night's storm sure ripped a lot of branches off the
trees. It seems, the leaves still believe in Gullible Warming
and are reluctant to fall. Well, half of them have fallen,
but most of the rest came down still attached to branches.

Today the wind slowed down a bit, but not at altitude. 
When I was out for my walk I heard and eventually saw a 
plane towing a glider. Going against the wind, they looked 
like they were standing still and even going backwards, but 
steadily motoring higher. When they turned and were briefly 
sideways to the wind, they moved sideways at what looked like
about 150 and had to disconnect. The glider took off like fired
from a sling shot, and the tow plane headed straight for the
little rural airport. Probably to change underwear.

The glider pilot disappeared southward to the area, where 
they keep breaking world records for high altitude.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. --- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006)
>From Sue I'm a LIFE-AND-CAREER coach, and one morning a prospective client called for an appointment. I asked him what he wanted to get out of our sessions. "Clarity," he said very firmly. "And on what issues are you looking for clarity?" I probed. "Well," he said in a less confident tone, "I don't know."
Best Data Recovery Software Find lost data on Hard Drives PC & Laptops Removable Drives Flash Drives Cameras Mobile Phones Memory Cards Easy to use and effective! Get Wise Recovery now!

A woman went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of peat moss. She gave a personal check in payment and said to the clerk, "I suppose you will want some identification." He replied, without hesitation, "No ma'am, that won't be necessary." "How come?" asked the woman. "Crooks don't buy peat moss," answered the clerk.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Voting works again!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Zara Crank, 22, Redding, CA Jailed After Accusing Boyfriend Of Molesting Son, Later Determined To Be Diaper Rash Due To Her Own Neglect Reported by The Weekly Vice Zara Crank, a 22-year-old California woman, has been jailed after she allegedly accused her boyfriend of sexually assaulting her son over a diaper rash that was caused by her own neglect. According to police, officers were dispatched to Shasta regional Medical Center just before 5 a.m. Sunday after Crank called 911 and reported that her 4-year-old son had been molested by her boyfriend. While Crank was making her case, officers noticed a container of methamphetamine coming out of her shirt. Crank also appeared to be high on meth as she spoke to officers. When officers asked about the substance inside the container, Crank admitted that it was meth and stated that she had used it the night before. She went on to say that she had been up for four days straight and hadn't been taking care of her son. When officers turned their attention to the alleged molestation, Crank pointed out redness around the child's genital area that was later determined to be a diaper rash due to Cranks lack of care for her son, according to Cpl. Jon Poletski. Officers were ultimately unable to determine if anyone was watching the child during the 4 days Crank was high on meth. She was booked into jail and charged with suspicion of meth possession (pending lab results) and child endangerment. Tech Support Pits From: Leslie Re: Invisible counter Dear Webby, I want a counter on my page, but because it is still new, the count is embarassingly low. Is there a way to hide it? Leslie Dear Leslie Yes, sure there is. Just use a before it, and a after it. It will blend into your white page and not be visible, UNLESS you wipe the mouse over that exact spot. It is usually easy enough to select a spot where visitors are not likely to wipe their mouse over it. For pages that have a different color background, use that color as the font color of the counter. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Skunk Odor Recipe Works for Pet Stains A recipe for cutting through skunk odor is great for cutting through pet stains as well. It's a mixture of peroxide, baking soda, and dish detergent. I mix a small bottle of peroxide, half a cup of baking soda, and a couple squirts of Dawn. I saw a guy on PBS show how it chemically breaks down the skunk odor by breaking apart the molecules, so I decided to try it on cat and dog stains and it worked! I use it whenever our pets have decided to forget everything they have been taught. :) Source: PBS By dorinmoz from Sugar Land, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A troop of Brownie Scouts is touring a cathedral, and the children seem especially fascinated by the votive candles in front of a side altar. The leader asks if they'd each like to light one. She explains that it is customary to say a prayer asking for something or giving thanks. "Do you have any questions?" she asks. "No," says one little girl. "But if there's a pony outside, it's mine."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A couple of boys are fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the local game warden jumps out of the bushes. Immediately, one of the boys throws down his rod and starts running through the woods. The game warden is hot on his heels. After about a half mile, the young man stops to catch his breath, so the game warden finally catches up to him. "All right," the official gasps. "Let's see yer fishin' license, boy!" The boy pulls out his wallet and gives the game warden a valid fishing license. "Well, son," the warden pants, "you must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!" "Yes, sir," replies the young guy, "but that other guy who was back there, whom I don't know, he might not have had a license."

» Gypsy Vanner

Today, September 30, in
1399 Henry Bolingbroke became the King of England as Henry IV.
1777 The Congress of the United States moved to York, PA, 
 due to advancing British forces.
1787 The Columbia left Boston and began the trip that would 
 make it the first American vessel to sail around the world.
1846 Dr. William Morton performed a painless tooth extraction 
 after administering ether to a patient.
1868 Spain's Queen Isabella was deposed and fled to France.
1882 In Appleton, WI, the world's first hydroelectric power 
 plant began operating.
1935 "Porgy and Bess" premiered in Boston.
1938 The Munich Conference ended with a decision to appease 
 Adolf Hitler. Britain, and France allowed Czechoslovakia's 
 (German speaking) Sudetenland to be annexed by the Nazis.
1946 An international military tribunal in Nuremberg, Germany, 
 found 22 top Nazi leaders guilty of war crimes.
1949 The Berlin Airlift came to an end. The airlift had taken 
 2.3 million tons of food into the western sector despite the 
 Soviet blockade.
1954 The U.S. Navy commissioned the Nautilus submarine at 
 Groton, CT. It was the first atomic-powered vessel. The 
 submarine had been launched on January 21, 1954.
1963 The Soviet Union publicly declared itself on the side of 
 India in their dispute with Pakistan over Kashmir.
1966 Albert Speer and Baldur von Schirach were released at 
 midnight from Spandau prison after completing their 20-year 
 sentences. Speer was the Nazi minister of armaments and von 
 Schirach was the founder of Hitler Youth.
1971 The Soviet Union and the United States signed pacts that 
 were aimed at avoiding an accidental nuclear war.
1971 A committee of nine people was organized to investigate 
 the prison riot at Attica, NY. 10 hostages and 32 prisoners 
 were killed when National Guardsmen stormed the prison on 
 September 13, 1971.
1976 California enacted the Natural Death Act of California. 
 The law was the first example of right-to-die legislation 
 in the U.S.
1980 Israel issued its new currency, the shekel, to replace 
 the pound.
1983 The first AH-64 Apache attack helicopter was rolled out 
 by McDonnell Douglas Helicopter Company.
1982 "Cheers" began an 11-year run on NBC-TV.

1984 Mike Witt became only the 11th pitcher to throw a perfect game in major league baseball.

1984 "Doonesbury" by Garry Trudeau returned. The comic strip had not been printed in nearly 20 months.

1986 The U.S. released accused Soviet spy Gennadiy Zakharov, 
 one day after Nicholas Daniloff had been released by the Soviets.
1987 Mikhail S. Gorbachev retired President Andrei A. Gromyko 
 from the Politburo and fired other old-guard leaders in a 
 shake-up at the Kremlin.
1989 Thousands of East Germans began emigrating under an accord 
 between the NATO nations and the Soviet Union.
1989 Non-Communist Cambodian guerrillas claimed that they had 
 captured 3 towns and 10 other positions from the residing 
 government forces.
1990 The Soviet Union and South Korea opened diplomatic 
 relations.
1991 Haiti's first freely elected president, Jean-Bertrand 
 Aristide, was overthrown by Brigadier General Raoul Cedras. 
 Aristide was later returned to power.
1992 Moscow banks distributed privatization vouchers aimed 
 at turning millions of Russians into capitalists.
1993 U.S. chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Colin 
 Powell retired.
1994 The space shuttle Endeavor took off on an 11-day mission. 
 Part of the mission was to use a radar instrument to map remote 
 areas of the Earth.
1997 France's Roman Catholic Church apologized for its 
 silence during the persecution and deportation of Jews by 
 the pro-Nazi Vichy regime.
1999 In Tokaimura, Japan, radiation escaped a nuclear facility 
 after workers accidentally set off an uncontrolled nuclear 
 chain reaction. 
2013  smiled


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Why is FaceBook blocking SnipUrl ? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, September 29

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The world's as ugly as sin, and almost as delightful --- Frederick Locker-Lampson Unfortunately sometimes one can't do what one thinks is right without making someone else unhappy. --- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965),
A man answered his doorbell and greeted a friend who walked in followed by a very large dog. The dog immediately jumped up on the sofa with his muddy feet and proceeded to knock over a lamp and chew on the cushions. The outraged householder began to scold his friend, "Don't you think you should train your dog a little better?" "My dog?" exclaimed the friend, "I thought it was your dog!"
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Bob has been playing golf for years, and he has the finest equipment, but his technique has never improved a bit. As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a brand-new ball into the woods. On the second hole, he drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of the woods. "Why don't you use an old ball?" his friend asked. Bob replied: "Where do you buy old balls?"
Click on the picture for the large version Econo Bridge
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Voting works again!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gabrell Marie Melton, 38, and Eugene Brimzy III, 21 Booze Dumpers Reported by Walter: Connecticut highway cleanup crews had nothing to celebrate Wednesday when a tractor trailer crashed, spilling a mountain of pricey champagne. Around 2:15pm, the truck tipped over after smashing into a Department of Transportation vehicle and dumping hundreds of cases of Veuve Clicquot across I-395. The bright yellow cases, valued at $500 each, held up travelers in Griswold well into the evening as crews scrambled to clean up the bubbly mess. Rear-Ending a DOT truck with flashing lights, in a construction zone, and destroying a semi and the load, could be considered a CLM (Carreer Limiting Move) Meanwhile in Canada, reported by Garry: Beer truck spills load on Manitoba highway There was trouble brewing on a Manitoba highway on Wednesday when a beer truck spilled its load. It happened just after 9 a.m. on Highway 10 near Flin Flon. The driver of the semi, who was the sole occupant of the vehicle, was taken to hospital but released shortly afterwards. Highway 10 was closed while crews cleaned up the sudsy mess but has now open again. Tech Support Pits From: Carolyn Re: SnipURL on FB Dear Webby Why can't I use SnipURL to shorten some long URLs on FaceBook? Some idiots at some papers put the entire first paragraph of a story into the URL, hoping that Google will stop ignoring them, but FaceBook has a problem with that, and when I use SnipURL to shorten the URL, then FaceBook claims that is a bad site. What is going on? Carolyn Dear Carolyn Just a routine FB Admin malfunction. Once upon a time, long, long ago, somebody apparently used SnipURL to disguise a porno site or somthing like that, and when somebody at FB found out about that, they blocked ALL Urls shortened by SnipURL henceforth and foreverafter. That's all. No big mystery or technical issue. Just email me the long URL, and the short nickname you want, and I'll make you a short one. For example, I can shorten: "http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2425496/Incredible-moment-18-wheeler-dumps-hundreds-cases-CHAMPAGNE-worth-500-highway-halts-traffic-hours.html" to http://jos.org/dumper FaceBook won't object to that. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Corn Cob Holders on Dry Sponge I read about a neat way to keep up with corn on the cob holders that I thought I'd pass along the tip. After they are washed, stick them into a clean dry sponge until the next use. By notwrong Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A cop walking his usual beat sees an old man pulling a box on a leash, down a busy street. "Poor man," the cop thinks to himself. "I'd better go humor him." "That' a nice dog you got there," says the cop to the old man. "It isn't a dog, it's a box," replies the old man. "Oh, I'm sorry," says the policeman, "I thought you were a bit touched." The old man walks past the cop, then turns to his box, and says, "We sure fooled him that time, didn't we, Rover?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An expert on whales was telling friends about some of the unusual findings he had made. "For instance," he said, "some whales can communicate at a distance of 300 miles." "What on earth would one whale say to another 300 miles away?" asked a sarcastic member of the group. "I'm not absolutely sure," answered the expert, "but it sounds something like: "Heeeeeeey! Can you hear me nowwww!?!'"

» Gypsy Vanner

Today, September 29, in
1789 A regular army was established by the U.S. War Department 
 with several hundred men.
1829 The first public appearance by London's re-organized 
 police force was met with jeers from political opponents. 
 The force became known as Scotland Yard.
1943 U.S. Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower and Italian Marchal 
 Pietro Badoglio signed an armistice aboard the British 
 ship Nelson.
1962 U.S. President John F. Kennedy nationalized the Mississippi 
 National guard in response to city officials defying federal 
 court orders. The orders had been to enroll James Meredith 
 at the University of Mississippi.
1967 The International Monetary Fund reformed monetary systems 
 around the world.
1977 Eva Shain became the first woman to officiate a 
 heavyweight title boxing match. About 70 million people 
 watched Muhammad Ali defeat Ernie Shavers on NBC-TV.
1982 In Chicago, IL, seven people died after taking capsules 
 of Extra-Strength Tylenol that had been laced with cyanide. 
 264,000 bottles were recalled.
1983 The War Powers Act was used for the first time by the 
 U.S. Congress when they authorized President Reagan to 
 keep U.S. Marines in Lebanon for 18 more months.
1984 Irish officials announced that they had intercepted 
 the Marita Anne carrying seven tons of U.S.-purchased 
 weapons. The weapons were intended for the Irish 
 Republican Army.
1984 Elizabeth Taylor was voted to be the world's most 
 beautiful woman in a Louis Harris poll. Taylor was at 
 the time in the Betty Ford Clinic overcoming a weight 
 problem.
1990 "Millie's Book" by First Lady Barbara Bush was the 
 best-selling non-fiction book in the U.S.
1992 Brazilian lawmakers overwhelmingly voted to impeach 
 President Fernando Collor de Mello.
1993 Bosnia's parliament voted overwhelmingly to reject an
 international peace plan unless Bosnian Serbs returned 
 land that had been taken by force.
1998 Hasbro announced plans to introduce an action figure 
 of retired U.S. General Colin Powell.
2010 In China, Canton Tower became operational.
2013  smiled


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Function of F keys 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, September 27.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Challenge is a dragon with a gift in its mouth… Tame the dragon and the gift is yours. --- Noela Evans Choose your pleasures for yourself, and do not let them be imposed upon you. --- Lord Chesterfield (1694 - 1773)
A young man finally got a job at the Post Office. He was full of energy and eager to please. The supervisor agreed to work with the new employee, even though he had been warned that he was still immature and knew nothing of the job. The first job the supervisor gives the young man is in sorting, and much to everyone's surprise, the new employee separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur. The supervisor was very pleased and asked the young man to come into his office at the end of the day. He said, "I just want you to know that we are all very proud of you. You're one of the fastest workers we have ever had." The humble young man said, "Thank you, sir. And tomorrow, I'll try to do even better." "Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment. "How can you possibly do better?" The young man smiled proudly and said, "Tomorrow, I am going to read the addresses."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, "Now, children, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes, sir," the class said together. Then he asked, "Then why is it that while I am standing upright, in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "'Cause yer feet ain't empty!"
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Little Johnny loved surfing the Web, and kept track of his passwords by writing them on Post-it notes. His mother noticed his Disney password was, "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long. And little Johnny said, "Because, they said it has to have at least four characters."
Thanks to Cookie for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Kilimancharo
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jordan Caraway,25, DeLand, Floriduh Left Toddler In Truck While He Drank At Strip Club Reported by Huff Post If three's a trend, then Floridians really really like to leave their children alone while they party at the strip club. Meet 25-year-old Jordan Caraway, our most recent pole addict. The DeLand man is accused of leaving a 3-year-old child alone in his pickup truck at 1 a.m. Sunday, while he boozed inside Dixie's Gentlemen's Club. Witnesses say he was inside for 30 minutes before an employee spotted the child and called sheriff's deputies. Caraway claimed he left another guy to watch the child, but the babysitter also apparently got wooed by Dixie's dancers, according to the Orlando Sentinel. He was reportedly inside the strip club, too. Caraway was arrested and taken to Volusia County Branch Jail, but he's just a drop in the alleged bad dad bucket: There's Kenneth Rowe, 26, who was reportedly wasted when he walked into a Daytona Beach liquor store and asked the clerk to watch his baby boy. Then he allegedly went next door to the Shark Lounge for a lap dance or two. Elliut Gonzalez, a 38-year-old from Orlando, is accused of leaving his sleeping 7-year-old daughter inside a car while he visited the Diamond Club, according to the Orlando Sentinel. Former NFLer Monty Ray Grow allegedly left his 3-year old daughter in the car, unattended, while he partied at Diamond Dolls in Clearwater. He was arrested on a child abuse charge. The child was uninjured. Strippers do it too! Brittany Roman, 21, allegedly left her little boy to walk around their hotel lobby while she danced at the Diamond Club in Orlando. Edith Aguilar-Cardona and Israel Rangel-Ortiz, both 25, left their kid in the car for about an hour while they opened Pandora's Box -- the strip joint -- in Palmetto, WTSP reports. Brandi Roman (no known relation to Brittany Roman) allegedly left two children under the age of 6 in her truck, as well as a can of malt liquor, while she watched strippers in Tampa. Edward Condry Jr., of Fort Myers, is accused of leaving his toddler alone in the car while hanging out at a strip club in Tampa. At about 2 a.m., a manager at the club heard crying coming from Condry's car. It was Condry's 1-year-old. Maybe it's time for late-night daycare centers at strip clubs in Florida? Tech Support Pits From: RonP Re: Functions of F keys Hi Webby still love your Humor Letter and the tech tips. One question, what are the functions of the "F" keys I know only the F8 key what do the rest of them do. Thanks RonP Dear Ron F8 is to get the BIOS menu during start-up andon some machines, to start in Safe mode. Once it is started, F1 is for Help F2 is for Editing F5 is for refresh/download up-to-date info F6 is for the main action of that program. For example, in MailWasher F6 washes the mail, dumps the spam and calls your email program. In your email program, if it is reasonably standard, F5 will refresh/download. All other keys are depending on whatever program you are in. What they do is not consistent at all. Even with the F5 and F6, some programs do other stuff. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Wood When Removing a Nail Put an old plastic spatula under the head of the hammer when trying to remove a nail. It protects the wood and is easy to find in your toolbox. By ThriftyFun Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night, look at the moon." The other drunk stops and look at his drunk friend, "You are wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun." Both started arguing for a while when they come upon another drunk walking so they stopped him. "Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?" The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One day a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway near Chicago. When he turned onto the street at the end of the ramp, he noticed someone at a chicken place getting into his car. The driver placed the bucket of chicken on top of his car, got in and drove off with the bucket still on top of his car. So the trooper decides to pull him over and perform a community service by giving the driver his chicken. So he pulled him over, walked up to the car, pulled the bucket off the roof and offered it to the driver. The driver looks at the trooper and says, "No thanks, I just bought some." "OK, if you say so!"

» Nano Paintings

Today, September 27, in
1779 John Adams was elected to negotiate with the British 
 over the American Revolutionary War peace terms.
1825 George Stephenson operated the first locomotive that 
 hauled a passenger train.
1928 The U.S. announced that it would recognize the 
 Nationalist Chinese Government.
1938 The League of Nations branded the Japanese as 
 aggressors in China.
1939 After 19 days of resistance, Warsaw, Poland, 
 surrendered to the Germans after being invaded by the 
 Nazis and the Soviet Union during World War II.
1940 The Berlin-Rome-Tokyo Axis was set up. The military 
 and economic pact was for 10 years between Germany, Italy 
 and Japan.
1962 The U.S. sold Hawk anti-aircraft missiles to Israel.
1968 The U.K.'s entry into the European Common Market was 
 barred by France.
1973 U.S. Vice President Spiro Agnew said he would not 
 resign after he pled "no contest" to a charge of tax 
 evasion. He did resign on October 10th.
1982 Italian and French soldiers entered the Sabra and 
 Chatilla refugee camps in Beirut. The move was made by 
 the members of a multinational force due to hundreds of 
 Palestinians being massacred by Christian militiamen.
1989 Columbia Pictures Entertainment agreed to buyout Sony 
 Corporation for $3.4 billion.
1989 Two men went over the 176-foot-high Niagara Falls 
 in a barrel. Jeffrey Petkovich and Peter Debernardi were 
 the first to ever survive the Horshoe Falls.
1990 The deposed emir of Kuwait addressed the U.N. General 
 Assembly and denounced the "rape, destruction and terror" 
 that Iraq had inflicted upon his country.
1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush eliminated all 
 land-based tactical nuclear arms and removed all short-range 
 nuclear arms from ships and submarines around the world. 
 Bush then called on the Soviet Union to do the same.
2004 North Korean Vice Foreign Minister Choe Su Hon announced 
 that North Korea had turned plutonium from 8,000 spent 
 nuclear fuel rods into nuclear weapons. He also said that 
 the weapons were to serve as a deterrent against 
 increasing U.S. nuclear threats and to prevent nuclear 
 war in northeast Asia. The U.S. State Department noted 
 that the U.S. has repeatedly said that the U.S. has no 
 plans to attack North Korea. 
2013  smiled


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Screensaver Password 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, September 26.

Unless we get some Gullible Warming here, I am going to 
have to switch from shorts to long pants for my daily 
evening walks. Even though I am fairly tough, an hour
at 2 degres above freezing and a gusting wind, is not
fun. I already had to switch from short sleeved shirt 
and vest to wearing my hoodie. Next step will be the
light parka with hood. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for. --- Epicurus (341 BC - 270 BC) He who opens a school door, closes a prison. --- Victor Hugo
Fifty-one years ago Herman James, a West Virginia Mountain man was drafted by the Army. On his first day in boot camp, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued him a tooth brush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On his third day the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army still has him listed as AWOL (Absent Without Official Leave-permission).
John was driving home late one night when he picked up a hitchhiker. As they rode along he began to be suspicious of his passenger. John checked to see if his wallet was safe in the pocket of his coat that was on the seat between them, but it wasn't there! So he slammed on the brakes, ordered the hitchhiker out, and said, "Hand over the wallet immediately!" The frightened hitchhiker handed over a billfold, and John drove off. When he arrived home, he started to tell his wife about the experience, but she interrupted him, saying, "Before I forget, John, do you know that you left your wallet at home this morning?
Best Data Recovery Software Find lost data on Hard Drives PC & Laptops Removable Drives Flash Drives Cameras Mobile Phones Memory Cards Easy to use and effective! Get Wise Recovery now!

When the family car developed a slight knock, the husband asked his wife if she had bought prmium or regular gas, but she couldn't remember. "You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for the engine running so rough." "No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly. "Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband probingly. "It cost the same as always." said the wife. "I told the man to put in the usual ten dollars worth to get me home."
Thanks to Frank for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Drivers in Georgia 800 accidents prevented by Tickets for Texting Reported by Slashdot Georgia Cop Issues 800 Tickets To Drivers Texting At Red Lights WSB-Television, Atlanta, tells us that Gwinnett County police officer Jessie Myers has issued more tickets for texting and driving than any other officer in the state. Officer Myers said he sees most people typing away on their phones while waiting at red lights. 'Most people think they're safe there,' Myers said. However, he said it's still illegal. 'At a red light, you're still driving, according to the law. You're on a roadway, behind the wheel of a car, in charge of it, with a vehicle in drive,' Myers said. Myers also tickets drivers using navigation apps. One driver said she was just using her phone's GPS. The law forbids that and Myers issued her a ticket. "That's right. You can't use your navigation while driving. Unless it is a GPS-only device, such as Garmin or Tom Tom, something that is not used as a communication device,' Myers said." ------------- People don't text JUST at red lights. It's just easier to catch them there, with the red-light-camera. Tech Support Pits From: Sandie Re: Screensaver password Hi Webby! Can you tell us all how to set up a screen saver password... I can't seem to find the exact spot to do it... My laptop sits unattended a lot, and I don't want anyone to access it while it is not being used.... I am sure a lot of new people would need this info as well. Keep up the great Humor Letter, it is the best on line.... Sandie Dear Sandie If your "on resume, password protect" box n the screen saver set-up window shows "on resume, display welcome screen" box, try this: 1. Log on to the computer as an administrator. 2. Click Start, click Control Panel, and then click User Accounts. 3. Click Change the way users log on or off. 4. Deselect the "Use the Welcome screen" check box, and 5. Deselect "Use Fast User Switching" check box 6. Click OK and exit User Accounts. You may have to log off and reboot for the change to become effective. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clear Nail Polish For Pantyhose Runs Here's a great tip you can do if you get a run in your pantyhose! While still wearing them, simply take clear nail polish and paint over the run and let it dry. This will keep the run from growing bigger. Try to carry a clear nail polish in your purse or keep one in your desk at work for just in case. It's always best if you can get to it as soon as you notice it before it gets too big! By terrijeanjacobo Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
My English professor was stopped for speeding. When asked why she was driving so fast, she quoted Robert Frost: "I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep." "But, Miss," replied the officer, obviously familiar with the poet, "Frost chose the road less traveled, and, unfortunately for you, you didn't."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The very frugal business manager was checking on the travel expenses of his salesmen, when he began to mutter, then yell. One of the salesmen worked up his courage and came over to ask the boss what was wrong. "Look at this crook's travel expenses," the boss said. "How could he possibly spend forty dollars a day for meals in that small town in Ohio?" "It's easy," explained the salesman cheerfully. "All you have to do is skip breakfast."

» Pricey Suds

Today, September 26, in
1777 Philadelphia was occupied by British troops
1789 Thomas Jefferson was appointed America's first Secretary of State.
1892 "The King of Marches" was introduced to the general public.
1908 In "The Saturday Evening Post" an ad for the Edison Phonograph 
 appeared.
1914 The U.S. Federal Trade Commission was established.
1918 During World War I, the Meuse-Argonne offensive against the 
 Germans began. It was the final Allied offensive on the 
 western front.
1950 U.N. troops recaptured the South Korean capital of Seoul from 
 the North Koreans during the Korean Conflict.
1962 "The Beverly Hillbillies" premiered on CBS-TV.
1964 "Gilligan's Island" premiered on CBS-TV. 
1969 "The Brady Bunch" series premiered on ABC-TV.
1980 The Cuban government abruptly closed Mariel Harbor to end the 
 freedom flotilla of Cuban refugees that began the previous April.
1981 The Boeing 767 made its maiden flight in Everett, WA.
1991 Four men and four women began their two-year stay inside the 
 "Biosphere II." The project was intended to develop technology for 
 future space colonies. 
1993 The eight people who had stayed in "Biosphere II" emerged from 
 their sealed off environment.
1996 Shannon Lucid returned to Earth after being in space 
 for 188 days. She set a time record for a U.S. astronaut in 
 space and in the world for time spent by a woman in space.
2000 Slobodan Milosevic conceded that Vojislav Kostunica had 
 won Yugoslavia's presidential election and declared a runoff. 
 The declared runoff prompted mass protests.
2001 In Kabul, Afghanistan, the abandoned U.S. Embassy was 
 stormed by protesters. It was the largest anti-Amercian 
 protest since the terror attacks on New York City and 
 Washington, DC, on September 11.
2001 Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat and Israeli Foreign 
 Minister Shimon Peres announced plans to formalize a 
 cease-fire and end a year of fighting in the region. 
2013  smiled


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How to deal with excessive spam 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, September 25.



This video will make your day!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster. --- Quentin Crisp "The United States has no choice but to attack Syria because Dictator Bashar al-Assad is killing his own people with chemical weapons. Before, he was just killing them with bullets. But if America cared about shooting people, we'd be invading Chicago." --- Stephen Colbert "Syria's President Assad referred to President Obama as weak. Obama is so angry he plans to ask Congress for permission to come up with a good comeback." --- Conan O'Brien "I guess we're getting ready to attack Syria. But if we win, in the semifinals we face Iran." --- David Letterman "If President Obama really wants to hurt the Syrian government, don’t send cruise missiles. He should send over some of his economic advisers." --- Jay Leno
>From Roland Student in Germany A Saudi prince went to Germany to study. A month later, he sent a letter to his dad saying, "Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice, and I really like it here, but I'm a bit ashamed to arrive to school with my gold Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train." Sometime later he received a letter from his dad with a ten million dollar check saying, "Stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too!"
An American tourist in Tel Aviv was about to enter the impressive Mann Auditorium to take in a concert by the Israel Philharmonic. He was admiring the unique architecture, the sweeping lines of the entrance, and the modern decor throughout the building. Finally he turned to his escort and asked if the building was named for Thomas Mann, the world-famous author. "No," his friend said, "it's named for Fredric Mann, from Philadelphia." "Really? I never heard of him. What did he write?" "A check."
Best Data Recovery Software Find lost data on Hard Drives PC & Laptops Removable Drives Flash Drives Cameras Mobile Phones Memory Cards Easy to use and effective! Get Wise Recovery now!

Bob, an experienced sky diver, was getting ready for a jump one day when he spotted another man outfitted to dive wearing dark glasses, carrying a white can and holding a seeing-eye dog by a leash. Shocked that the blind man was also going to jump, Bob struck up a conversation, expressing his admiration for the man's courage. Then, curious, he asked, "How do you know when the ground is getting close?" "Easy," replied the blind man. "The leash goes slack."
Click on the picture for the large version Yesterday morning at 07:30 from the Webby office
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Voting works again!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Angela Martin, 29, Wallingford, CT. Registered Sex Offender jailed for Molesting Toddler, Emailing Video of it to Acquaintance Reported by The Weekly Vice Angela Martin, a 29-year-old Connecticut woman, has been jailed after she allegedly recorded herself molesting a 3-year-old girl. According to Wallingford Police, Martin molested a 3-year-old girl, recorded the abuse on her cell phone and then emailed a copy of the video to an acquaintance in California. Investigators say Martin, who is also known as Angela Haussmann, is a registered sex offender who was convicted of second-degree sexual assault of a minor in December 2006. The recorded abuse reportedly took place between August and September of this year, according to an arrest affidavit. Martin reportedly served 30 months in jail and was required to register as a sex offender after she was convicted in 2006. Martin's recent arrest was a result of a joint investigation conducted by Wallingford Police, the FBI and the Connecticut Child Exploitation Task Force. She was booked into jail and charged with producing, distributing and possessing child pornography. She remains held without bail pending a next court appearance. Apparently 30 months in jail were not enough to smarten her up. Tech Support Pits From: Malcolm Re: Too much spam Dear Webby, I can't keep up with my work because of all the spam I get. And no, I can't change the company email addresses. How good is that mailwasher that you keep mentioning? I want your honest opinion of it. Malcolm Dear Malcolm The reason I have the link for Mailwasher is because I highly recommend it. It reduces the 4500+ pieces of mail I get every day to the 200 that I need to see and answer. It washes the mail on the server, without wasting time to download more than the headers. It's easy to use and rock solid. Once every hour I hit F5 and it checks the mail. It downloads the headers and sorts and color codes the list. I glance over it to check for false positives, then hit F6. That causes it to dump the spam and open Eudora for downloading the legitimate mail. Unfortunately it does not have a feature for nuking the spammers, but other than that, it has everything a professinal grade spam control program should have. If the version of the Humor Letter that you are subscribed to doesn't have a button to get it, browse to http://webby.com/mailwasher http://webby.com/mailwasher Testdrive the free trial version, and if you like it, buy it a month later. I have recommended MailWasher for over a dozen years and have heard only good things about it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycle Event Flowers Remember that flowers can be recycled, too! After an event, many a flower arrangement will end up in the trash! So rescue it, re-cut the flower stems and re-arrange the flowers at home. Why toss them when they still have life in them? With pruning and re-arranging the flowers can often last a week! And having fresh flowers is such a luxury, isn't it? By pamphyila from LA, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A man received a phone call one day, and the caller asked if he had lost a parrot. He said that he had indeed lost the bird, but wanted to know how the caller located him. The called said that the bird had landed on his balcony and kept repeating, "Hi, you have reached 555-1234. I can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message at the tone."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Bunny for this: There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. "Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today." So she did and she had a wonderful day. The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head. "H-m-m, " she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today." So she did and she had a grand day. The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head. "Well," she said, "Today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail." So she did and she had a fun, fun day. The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head. "YEAH!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!" Attitude is everything.

» Critters Galore

Today, September 25, in
1492 The crew of the Pinta, one of Christopher Columbus' 
 ships, mistakenly thought that they had spotted land.
1493 Christopher Columbus left Spain with 17 ships on his 
 second voyage to the Western Hemisphere.
1513 The Pacific Ocean was discovered by Spanish explorer 
 Vasco Nunez de Balboa when he crossed the Isthmus of Panama. 
 He named the body of water the South Sea. He was truly just 
 the first European to see the Pacific Ocean.
1789 The first U.S. Congress adopted 12 amendments to the 
 Constitution. Ten of the amendments became the Bill of Rights.
1847 During the Mexican-American War, U.S. forces led by 
 General Zachary Taylor captured Monterrey Mexico.
1890 The Sequoia National Park was established as a U.S. 
 National Park in Central California.
1890 Mormon President Wilford Woodruff issued a Manifesto 
 in which the practice of polygamy was renounced.
1956 A transatlantic telephone-cable system began 
 operation between Newfoundland and Scotland.
1957 300 U.S. Army troops stood guard as nine black students 
 were escorted to class at Central High School in Little 
 Rock, AR. The children had been forced to withdraw 2 days 
 earlier because of unruly white mobs.
1973 The three crewmen of Skylab II landed in the Pacific 
 Ocean after being on the U.S. space laboratory for 59 days.
1978 Melissa Ludtke, a writer for "Sports Illustrated", 
 filed a suit in U.S. District Court. The result was that 
 Major League Baseball could not bar female writers from 
 the locker room after the game.
1983 A Soviet military officer, Stanislav Petrov, averted 
 a potential worldwide nuclear war. He declared a false 
 alarm after a U.S. attack was detected by a Soviet early 
 warning system. It was later discovered the alarms had 
 been set off when the satellite warning system mistakenly 
 interpreted sunlight reflections off clouds as the 
 presence of enemy missiles.
1987 The booty collected from the Wydah, which sunk off 
 Cape Cod in 1717, was auctioned off. The worth was around 
 $400 million.
1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to impose an air 
 embargo against Iraq. Cuba was the only dissenting vote.
1991 The U.N. Security Council unanimously ordered a 
 worldwide arms embargo against Yugoslavia and all of 
 its warring factions.
1992 In Orlando, FL, a judge ruled in favor of 12-year-old 
 Gregory Kingsley. He had sought a divorce from his 
 biological parents.
1992 The Mars Observer blasted off on a mission that cost 
 $980 million. The probe has not been heard from since it 
 reached Mars in August of 1993.
1995 Ross Perot announced that he would form the 
 Independence Party.
2002 U.S. forces landed in Ivory Coast to aid in the rescue 
 foreigners trapped in a school by fighting between 
 government troops and rebel troops. Rebels had attempted 
 to take over the government on September 19.
2012 China launched its first aircraft carrier into service. 
2013  smiled


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How to copy a screensaver to another machine: 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, September 24.

Obama's friend Convicted Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. (D-IL) 
is scheduled to receive $8,700 per month in government 
disability pay, as well as a partial federal pension 
of $45,000. That generous $8,700 in disability comes 
thanks to Jackson’s sudden development of a 
“mood disorder” as the federal government began 
looking to indict him. Jackson, who was sentenced 
to 2.5 years in prison, had no history of mental 
illness during his prior 17 years in Congress. 

Why would they just laugh at me, if I claimed a 
"mood disorder". even though I need the money
a few thousand times more urgently than him?

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none. --- Thomas Carlyle (1795 - 1881) Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't. --- Eleanor Roosevelt (1884 - 1962)
Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin. The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another!" ---------------- Actually, that's from Charlie Chaplin's "GoldRush", the only movie about Canada, that I had seen before immigrating in 1970.
A concerned husband went to the doctor to talk about his wife. He said to the doctor, "I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things." "Well," the doctor replied, "go home tonight, stand about 15 feet from her, and say something. If she doesn't reply, move 5 feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this until we get an idea about the severity of her deafness." The husband went home and did exactly as the doctor had instructed. He started off 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she was chopping some vegetables. He said, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He heard no response. He moved 5 feet closer and asked again. No reply. He moved 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He finally got fed up and moved right behind her, about an inch away, and asked again, "Honey, what's for dinner?" She replied, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew! You better get a hearing aid, you deaf old fart!"
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A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail." "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back!?!" "A tough call," nodded the hunter, "but I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Adele Jones, 25, and Tommy Davis, 27, in Delray Beach, Floriduh Jailed for robbing mentally challenged man of video game Reported by The Weekly Vice A mentally challenged Florida man who had saved up for months to purchase a copy of "Grand Theft Auto V" was robbed of the video game as he left a GameStop store this week, police report. After buying the game Tuesday afternoon, Rohan Dawkins was approached in a Delray Beach parking lot by a couple who pulled up in a car. After asking Dawkins for the time, Tommy Davis, 27, grabbed the bag containing the best-selling game, which was released this week. When Dawkins sought to retrieve the item, Adele Jones, 25, allegedly kicked and punched the 21-year-old Dawkins, according to Delray Beach Police Department reports. After swiping the game, Davis and Jones (seen in the above mug shots) drove to a second GameStop, where they unsuccessfully sought to return the game for a refund. Investigators believe that the couple subsequently sold the game to a third party. A police report valued the stolen copy of "Grand Theft Auto V" at $150, an indication that Dawkins purchased a GameStop collector’s edition of the game. Aided by store surveillance footage, Davis and Jones-- parents to four children--were arrested yesterday. Dawkins identified both suspects when shown photo lineups. During questioning, an “apologetic” Davis reportedly confessed to robbing Dawkins, claiming that he “stole the items because he needed new tires for his car,” and as a black Obama voter, he felt they were entitled. Jones admitted that she and Davis went to GameStop intending to “catch a cracker,” which she said was slang for robbing a white person, cops reported. Instead, they robbed Dawkins, whom Davis said Adele Jones beat up until Davis was able to drive away. Davis and Jones were booked into the Palm Beach County jail on felony robbery and dealing in stolen property charges. They remain jailed in lieu of $5000 bond. “I wanted to play the game with my sister and my cousins,” Dawkins (seen below) said yesterday at a police press conference. “I was buying it for my family and me.” Police announced last night that today they will present Dawkins with a donated copy of "Grand Theft Auto V." Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: Screensavers Dear Webby, I want to thank you again for your daily fun. It really brightens my day. I have saved many of your tech questions & answers too. My question today has to do with screensavers. I have 2 PCs. One is not hooked to the internet. I mainly use it for an older card program & some older drawings I have saved. On this pc I have a screensaver titled "mystery". It is animated. But on the pc I use most it is not there. Is ther anyway to find either find the web site for that screensaver or I can send it to a disk? I really like it for Halloween time. Thanks again for your newsletter. Sharon Dear Sharon Just do a search for mystery.scr and then copy or mail that file to the other machine. Put it into the same folder where most of your .scr files are, and it should be easy to select that one. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Beer to Prevent Slugs To get rid of snails or slugs, place a glass or can in a hole so that the top is level with the ground, fill almost to the rim with beer and leave overnight. In the morning, dump the pests on the compost heap. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
BRITISH EDUCATION AT ITS FINEST Following questions and answers were collated from last year's British GCSE exams(16 year olds)! Geography Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky. Sociology Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed. Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election. Biology Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Statistics. Q: What is artificial insemination? A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: What is the most common form of birth control? A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. Q: Give the meaning of the term *Caesarean Section.- A: The caesarean section is the red light district in Rome. Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport Technology Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab wears on his head. Religious Education Q: What is a Hindu? A: It lays eggs.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops. A few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well. At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back. Did I mention that the driver was five three, thin, and basically meek? Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened. Big John got on again, made a big show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the one after that, and so forth. This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally, he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!," The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed "AND WHY NOT?!?!" With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass."

» Crapper Mapper

Today, September 24, in
1869 Thousands of businessmen were financially ruined after 
 a panic on Wall Street. The panic was caused by an attempt 
 to corner the gold market by Jay Gould and James Fisk.
1929 The first all-instrument flight took place in New York 
 when Lt. James H. Doolittle guided a Consolidated NY2 
 Biplane over Mitchell Field.
1957 U.S. President Eisenhower sent federal troops to 
 Little Rock, AR, to enforce school integration.
1960 The first nuclear powered aircraft carrier was launched. 
 The USS Enterprise set out from Newport News, VA.
1995 Three decades of Israeli occupation of West Bank cities 
 ended with the signing of a pact by Israel and the PLO.
1996 The United States, represented by President Clinton, 
 and the world's other major nuclear powers signed a 
 Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty to end all testing and 
 development of nuclear weapons.
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush froze the assets of 
 27 suspected terrorists and terrorist groups.
2013  smiled


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Where is the archive? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, September 23.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. --- Saint Augustine (354 AD - 430 AD) No man is justified in doing evil on the ground of expediency. --- Theodore Roosevelt (1858 - 1919),
A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve. Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer." A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."
A rancher gives his new bride last-minute instructions before heading to town for supplies, saying, "A vet will be along this afternoon to inseminate one of the cows. I've nailed a spike by the right stall so's you know which one I want him to impregnate." The wife, who's from back you know where, and dumber than a stump, thinks this is odd, but nods that she'll do it, and the husband leaves for town. The vet arrives later, and the wife leads him out to the barn and the stallwith the nail. Pointing to the nail, she tells him "This is the cow right here." "What's the spike for?" the vet asks. "Dunno. I suppose it's for hanging up your pants."
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In the cafeteria at Kent State University, I saw three students hard at work on their calculators. Stunned that they had received such an obviously tough problem so early in the semester, I asked them what their assignment was. One girl looked at me and replied, "We're figuring out how many school days until Christmas break."
Thanks to Danialle for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andre Antonio Henry, 30, of Brandywine, Montgomery County, DC. Burglar leaves his court notice at break-in site Reported by The Weekly Vice What is dumber, forgetting the paper work containing your name in the home you’re burglarizing or bringing them along in the first place? Andre Antonio Henry will have about 18 years in jail to think about that question. According to police, the 30-year-old brought his court documents along on one of his break-ins. According to S ilver Spring Patch, Henry left behind the paperwork containing his name and a list of charges against him. Surprise, surprise — they were all burglary related! The police used the court documents to prove he’d committed a string of crimes. But that’s not the only evidence they had against him… NBC Washington reported that police also had video of Henry breaking into offices and stealing credit cards he would later use at stores like Banana Republic. Seems his thirst for 100% Pima cotton V-neck sweaters may have been unquenchable! Montgomery County State’s Attorney John J. McCarthy said, “Protecting our businesses from serial commercial burglars is a priority. Our residents and business owners must feel safe to live, work and operate a business in Montgomery County.” Tech Support Pits From: Mark Re: Blog Dear Webby, Thanks for the blog! It makes it so much easier to look up previous days when I come back to the office. Thanks Mark For those, who don't know about the blog yet, you can see it at http://webby.com/humor/blog Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Magnetic Metal Chip and Shavings Catcher The DH has been disassembling some old PCs to recycle the parts. While taking apart a hard drive he came up with a use for the powerful magnet inside. He needed to drill through a piece of sheet metal on our new heater ducting and thought to use the magnet to collect up the bits of metal at the source rather than clean them up off the floor. The interesting thing about these magnets is that only one side is magnetic. The other side is somehow shielded thus requiring that it be attached to the duct. He simply taped it to the duct (magnetic side out) with masking tape and drilled his holes. The magnet collected the shavings neatly, R Barbara I use one or two post-it notes bent parallel to the sticky strip and stuck to the wall, so that the bent part sticks out like a trough. With two of them arranged in a V they neatly catch everything even from big holes, and they are not limited to iron. Gyprock, wood, plaster, glass, everything gets caught neatly in that trough. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A property manager of single-family residence was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions. "Professionally employed?" he asked. "We're a military family," the wife answered. "Children?" "Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly. "Animals?" "Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two S cottish fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an argument. "Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one. "There be two pints in a quart," confirmed the proprietor. They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order. "Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered to buy them for us." The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the fellows called out to the proprietor at the other end of the bar, "You did say two pints, didn't you?" "That's right," he called back, "two pints."

» Solar Flares

Today, September 23, in
1642 The first commencement at Harvard College, in Cambridge, 
 MA, was held.
1779 John Paul Jones, commander of the American warship Bon Homme, 
 was quoted as saying "I have not yet begun to fight!"
1780 John Andre, a British spy, was captured with papers revealing 
 that Benedict Arnold was going to surrender West Point, NY, 
 to the British.
1806 The Corps of Discovery, the Lewis and Clark expedition, 
 reached St. Louis, MO, and ended the trip to the Pacific 
 Northwest.
1846 Astronomer Johann Gottfried Galle discovered the 
 planet Neptune.
1912 "Keystone Comedy" by Mack Sennett was released.
1930 Flashbulbs were patented by Johannes Ostermeier.
1951 The first transcontinental telecast was received on 
 the west coast. The show "Crusade for Freedom" was broadcast 
 by CBS-TV from New York.
1952 The first Pay Television sporting event took place. 
 The Marciano-Walcott fight was seen in 49 theaters in 31 
 cities.
1952 Richard Nixon gave his "Checkers Speech". At the time 
 he was a candidate for U.S. vice-president.
1973 Overthrown Argentine president Juan Peron was returned 
to power. He had been overthrown in 1955. His wife, Eva 
 Duarte, was the subject of the musical "Evita."
1981 The Reagan administration announced its plans for what 
became known as Radio Marti.
1986 Japanese newspapers quoted Prime Minister Yasuhiro 
 Nakasone as saying that minorities lowered the "intelligence 
 level" of America.
1990 Iraq publicly threatened to destroy Middle East oil 
 fields and to attack Israel if any nation tried to force 
 it from Kuwait.
1991 U.N. weapons inspectors find documents detailing Iraq's 
 secret nuclear weapons program. The find in Baghdad triggered 
 a standoff with authorities in Iraq.
1993 The Israeli parliament ratified the Israel-PLO accord.
1993 Blacks were allowed a role in the South African government 
 after a parliamentary vote.
1999 A 17-month-old girl fell 230 feet from the Capilano 
 Suspension Bridge in North Vancouver, British Columbia. 
 The girl had bruises but no broken limbs from the fall 
 onto a rocky ledge. 
2013  smiled


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W8 Lessons at Best Buy 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, September 21.

If you like hearing or seeing Rolling Thunder, 
check Dianne's link near the bottom!

The Gullible Warming fanatics are getting into a tizzy.
As with all fanatics, facts are irrelevant, all that counts
is saving face and making sure everybody agrees, that they
were right.

OK, so the warming has stopped. If their claim, that their 
cars and their AC has caused it, then lets say their efforts 
to think about using bicycles instead of ugly doughboy style
cars, has stopped the warming. Good boy! Good girl!
Now the arctic has frozen, and the NorthWest passage will
be closed for the next 20 years. 

Pollution and production of CO2 have INcreased, and
knocked over the Bullshit models of the Grant Seeking 
wanna-be scientists. It turns out there is no relation 
between CO2 and climate. Must be those dang Canucks with
their grain fields the size of European countries, that
gobble up all the CO2 and convert it into wheat!

Just like Carl Sagan at the end of the last Cool ripple
tried to scare the sheeple into believing an ice age was 
coming because of their muscle cars, Al Gore tried the same
BS at the end of the warm ripple. By the time his famous 
movie was finished and he had bought a Nobel price, the
warm ripple was over. No problem, the gullible sheeple
believed him anyway. Some STILL do!

Well, check the Farmer's Almanac. We are in for a cold 
winter, a repetition of the 70's. 

And England will probably have another coal shortage,
especially if the Scots succeed in getting a cut on the
natural gas from THEIR waters. Any increase of the gas 
price, or the threat of one, will slow the conversion 
from coal to gas, and drive up the price of coal. The 
smart people will stock up on coal before the price 
goes up.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Only sick music makes money today. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900) "Liberty, taking the word in its concrete sense, consists in the ability to choose." --- Simone Weil "The very essence of leadership is that you have to have vision. You can't blow an uncertain trumpet." --- Theodore M. Hesburgh
>From SexySassySatin Attendance call on the first day back at school in Michigan. The teacher began calling out the names of the pupils: "Mustafa Al Eih Zeri?" "Here." "Achmed El Kabul?" "Here." "Fatima Al Hayek? " "Here." "Ali Abdul Olmi?" "Here." "Mohammed Bin Kadir?" "Here." "Ali Son al Len" Silence in the classroom. "Ali Son al Len" Continued silence as everyone looked around the room. She repeated, "Is this the name of any child here?" A girl stood and said, "I think that's me, Miss Alibabak. It's pronounced Alison Allen"
A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. "What on earth," she inquired of the artist standing nearby, "is that?" He smiled condescendingly. "That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child." "Keep trying," snapped the little old lady, "you are not even close yet!"
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A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all extremely successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor. "Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number one ... "Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and didn't have time to get you a gift." "Not to worry," said the father. "The important thing is that we're all together today." Son number two arrived and announced, "You and Mom look great, Dad. I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you." "It's nothing," said the father, "We're glad you were able to come." Just then the daughter arrived, "Hello and happy anniversary! I'm sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing . so I didn't have time to get you anything." Again the father said, "I really don't care, at least the five of us are together today." After they had finished dessert, the father said, "There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, when we were young we were very poor. Despite this we provided for each of you, we were even able to send each of you to college. Throughout the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much but we just never found the time to get married." The three children uttered one united gasp and said, "You mean we're bastards?" "Yes," said the father smiling. "And cheap ones too!"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Voting works again!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Amber Fox and her husband Ruben Fox, both 23, in Raeford, NC Married Couple jailed for Having Sex With Dogs, Posting Videos Online Reported by The Weekly Vice Amber Fox and her husband Ruben Fox, both 23, were arrested Monday morning after they allegedly filmed themselves having sex with dogs and then posted the videos online. According to police, an investigation was launched earlier this month when videos began appearing online that depicted one or both of the suspects having sex with dogs. Investigators say the videos were made at the couple's home and then shared through a website. Police raided the home and seized various recording devices and computer hard drives that were found inside the residence. Officers also took two dogs and three cats from the home and placed them with a local animal shelter. The couple was booked into jail and charged with crimes against nature involving bestiality, disseminating obscene materials and conspiracy. Amber Fox was additionally charged with soliciting a crime against nature. Bail has been set at $15,000 each. Tech Support Pits From: Betty Re: W8 classes at Best Buy Dear Webby, If you have a Best Buy store around there, you can go for free instructions even if you did not buy your computer there. They have individual sessions for 15 minutes and they have regular classes almost every day but you have to sign up for them. I am forever more stopping in and having them help me with something. They are a lot of help. I think most people have problems with W8, so that is why they have the free classes Betty Dear Betty That is good to hear! Best Buy has a terrible reputation as far as cutomer service is concerned. It is good to hear, that they decided to turn that around! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preserve Leaves With Hair Spray You can preserve colorful autumn leaves easily by spraying them on both sides with heavy duty hair spray! I did that, put them on twigs with wire - added nuts and other pods. I put them in a nice vase found in a thrift shop and made a lovely Thanksgiving centerpiece/guest gift to bring to my family's house. Outlay? $2-3 for the vase! By Pamphyila from L.A., CA Clear varnish works well too. If you take some not too dry leaves, lay them onto soft paper towel or toilet paper, and gently tap them with a clothes brush, you knock the material between the veins out, leaving just the network of veins. Hang them up by the stems a few hours to finish drying, then spray them with clear varnish. You can even spray them lightly with a color and immediately follow with the varnish to get a candy-apple effect. Make sure you do NOT use a Latex paint for that! Both the color and the varnish have to be laquer or acrylic base. Latex is OK for walls and fences, because it flows into holes and cracks, but for fine filigree like the veins of a leaf you don't want that. It would totally waste your time. Best to make both the paint and the varnish the same brand, and make sure they are NOT Latex. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
European Terror Alert Status Update The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666. Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability. It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They have three higher levels: "Change date of october Fest", "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose." Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

» Sept 11, roling through Stafford, Virginia

Today, September 22, in
1792 The French Republic was proclaimed.
1862 U.S. President Lincoln issued the preliminary 
 Emancipation Proclamation. It stated that all slaves held 
 within rebel states would be free as of January 1, 1863.
1903 Italo Marchiony was granted a patent for the 
 ice cream cone.
1914 Three British cruisers were sunk by one German submarine 
 in the North Sea. 1,400 British sailors were killed. 
1949 The Soviet Union exploded its first atomic bomb.
1955 Commercial television began in Great Britain. The rules 
 said that only six minutes of ads were allowed each hour and 
 there was no Sunday morning TV permitted.
1966 The U.S. lunar probe Surveyor 2 crashed into the moon.
1980 A border conflict between Iran and Iraq developed into 
 a full-scale war.
1988 Canada's government apologized for the internment of 
 Japanese-Canadian's during World War II.
1990 Saudi Arabia expelled most of the Yememin and Jordanian 
 envoys in Riyadh. The Saudi accusations were unspecific.
1992 The U.N. General Assembly expelled Yugoslavia for its 
 role in the war between Bosnia and Herzegovina.
1994 The U.S. upgraded its military control in Haiti.
1998 The U.S. and Russia signed two agreements. One was to 
 privatize Russia's nuclear program and the other was to stop 
 plutonium stockpiles and nuclear scientists from leaving 
 the country.
1998 U.S. President Clinton addressed the United Nations and 
 told world leaders to "end all nuclear tests for all time". 
 He then sent the long-delayed global test-ban treaty to the 
 U.S. Senate, who proceded to castrate the US military by
 forbidding nuclear tests.
2013  smiled


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How to send email to a group list: 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, September 21.

Twenty years ago today, in 1993, Russian President Boris N. 
Yeltsin kicked out the Communist-dominated Congress. 
They got one way tickets to Siberia, and Russia got 
started on Free Enterprise Capitalism.

Gee, nobody tells you nothing!
Now you will slowly have to stop calling them "Commies",
especially since they are laughing about the commie in
the White House.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

No bird soars too high, if he soars with his own wings. --- William Blake (1757 - 1827) A moment's insight is sometimes worth a lifetime's experience. --- Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. (1841 - 1935)
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for her, saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one." The next day the collections manager received a phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long.
Thanks to Allan for this story: It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. "Hello?" I said. A girl's voice came over the line. "Can I speak to Ben, please?" I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was bored. I replied, "I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?" "Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded. "I think he said he'd be home around 10:00." Silence on the other end... a confused silence. "Is this Steve?" My name isn't Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number. So I replied, "Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?" "Well... he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him," she said in a slightly irritated voice. I replied, "Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago, and said that he would be back at 10:00." A shocked voice now: "Who's Karen?!" "The girl he went out with." "I know that! I mean... who is she?" "I don't know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben?" "Yes... please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home." She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her temper flaring. "I sure will. Is this Jennifer?" She exploded, "Who's Jennifer?" Apparently she wasn't. "Well... he's going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her. Sorry... it was an honest mistake." "Ben's the one that's made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called him and the she's very upset and that I would like him to call me as soon as he gets home." I smiled and said, "Okay, I will... but Becky isn't going to like this." *Click.*
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Dave was talking to his buddy, John, about his love life. "So, John, how's it going with the ladies?" "Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects." "Really?" "Yep," John nodded his head, "Whenever I mention sex, they object."
Thanks to Cookie for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Diana Farnell Jailed After Having Sex With Student Reported by The Weekly Vice Relatively normal compared to other current boneheads, Diana Farnell, a 28-year-old English teacher at Union Academy Charter School, was jailed Thursday after she allegedly had sex with a student. According to Monroe Police, an investigation was launched Tuesday after detectives received a tip about an alleged inappropriate relationship that Farnell was having with a student. Police spokesperson, Pete Hovaneck, stated that Farnell admitted to the charge after detectives gathered "a lot of information" about the alleged relationship. Although the student is now 17 years old, reports indicate that the alleged relationship began earlier in the year when the student was 16. After failing to notify parents about the arrest, school officials were asked by a reporter if they had anything to say to concerned parents about the arrest. Union Academy Headmaster, Ann Walters, replied "This is a personnel issue and I'm not allowed to speak about it." Farnell was booked into the Union County Jail and charged with one count of sex offense with a student. She was released after posting $10,000 bond. Police say that the investigation is ongoing and that additional charges will probably be forthcoming. ------------- I don't give bonehead awards to ALL teachers, who got caught. That would be too repetitious, however, I am beginning to see a profile pattern. English teachers seem to be getting caught messing with gossippy boys more often than teachers of other subjects. Are they getting caught because of excessive texting? Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Send to a group list in Eudora Dear Webby, Well here I am again not knowing what I am doing wrong so I will ask you for some help because of your vast knowledge of computers and programs. As you know I downloaded Eudora and I have been playing around with it but I don't know how to send mail to a group of people at 1 time. I have made a folder with the group but I still have to click on each name to put it on the email. Is there a way that I can do that with Eudora? Your friend always. Jim Dear Jim In the address book ( CTRL L ) make a new book ( ALT W ) and for example call it INLAWS or OUTLAWS. Then put the addresses into those books. For sending, you just put INLAWS into the BCC field, and it will expand and fill them in at send time. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Crumbs For Cooking Instead of throwing away leftover cookie crumbs or leftover pretzel crumbs, use them for a pie crust. Just substitute either of them for the graham cracker crumbs called for in the recipe you use. Instead of throwing away crumbly muffins or coffee cake, save the crumbles and freeze. When you have enough, they can be used to make a nice bread pudding. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A Sunday school teacher was instructing her class. Just before she dismissed them to go to church she asked them, "Why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Little Johnny was quick to blurt out what he was certain was the correct answer, "Because people are sleeping!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Three pastors from different congregations were having lunch and sharing experiences and ideas to help each other out with their different fellowships. After several minutes of animated conversation, the first one remarks, "Hey, you know, we've got a serious problem at our church that I want to discuss with you guys." The other two pastors nod and he goes on, "Well, it's bats. We can't seem to get these bats out of our attic. The singing and organ playing wake them up, and they start flapping around. Then when I start to preach, we can still hear them moving around up there and it's really hard for anyone to pay any attention. The kids start to cry and, well, it's starting to really get in the way of a good church service." The second pastor says "Well that's interesting, because we've had the same problem, they won't stay out of our belfry. We've tried ringing the bells at all hours, spraying chemicals, we've even had a couple of exterminator companies out. Nothing's worked yet." He throws up his hands in exasperation and shakes his head. The third pastor smiles and nods his head knowingly. "Well, gentlemen. We had that problem a few years ago, and we found a quick solution." he says. The other two pastors look up with hope on their faces, and he goes on, "It was easy. We got up there, got to know 'em a little bit. Pretty soon we had them come on down, got 'em baptized and asked them for a donation. Haven't seen 'em since."

» Healthy House Bugs

Today, September 21, in
1792 The French National Convention voted to abolish the 
 monarchy.
1893 Frank Duryea took what is believed to be the first 
 gasoline- powered automobile after Otto's carriage 
 for a test drive.
1897 The New York Sun ran the "Yes, Virginia, there is a 
 Santa Claus" editorial. It was in response to a letter 
 from 8-year-old Virginia O'Hanlon.
1931 Britain went off the gold standard.
1931 Japanese forces began occupying China's northeast 
 territory of Manchuria.
1937 J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Hobbit" was first published.
1949 Communist leaders proclaimed The People's Republic 
 of China.
1964 Malta gained independence from Britain.
1966 The Soviet probe Zond 5 returned to Earth. The 
 spacecraft completed the first unmanned round-trip 
 flight to the moon.
1981 Belize gained full independence from Great Britain.
1982 Amin Gemayel was elected president of Lebanon. He was 
 the brother of Bashir Gemayel who was the president-elect 
 when he was assassinated.
1985 North and South Korea opened their borders for their 
 family reunion program.
1993 Russian President Boris N. Yeltsin announced that he 
 was ousting the Communist-dominated Congress. The action was
 effectively seizing all state power.
1996 The board of all-male Virginia Military Institute voted 
 to admit women.
1996 John F. Kennedy Jr. married Carolyn Bessette in a 
 secret ceremony on Cumberland Island, GA.
2013  smiled


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W8 Instruction Manual 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, September 20.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



If some con artist, claiming that you have won a large sum
of money, and that he is from the MINISTRY OF ECONOMY 
PROPERTY, don't give him your real address! Use the address 
of your mayor or some politician, or make one up.
And make a list of the worst possible insults, and have 
them ready to copy/paste to the Nigerian scammer, when he
tells you that in order to receive your winnings, you first 
have to pay him. 

I wasted some time with one of them, while I was on hold 
on the phone to the Government. I clued in to the fact that 
he was a Nigerian 419 scammer, when I saw MINISTRY OF 
ECONOMY PROPERTY and some wacky grammar. His picture, 
looking like a smiling wanna-be politician standing in 
front of a flag, looked too phony for me anyway. 

So I readied a bunch of really rank insults, and the 
moment he mentioned I would have to pay him for sending
the check, I pasted him all those insults, 
and then promptly reported him to FaceBook.

"419" is the number/name of the law dealing with scammers 
like that. Get a good list of insults ready and practise
copy/paste.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It is our responsibilities, not ourselves, that we should take seriously. --- Peter Ustinov (1921 - 2004)
For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at long last, he had collected sufficient courage to ask her the most momentous of all questions: "There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor," he began, "but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being--a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol, whom one can treat as one's absolute own, who will be kind and faithful when times are hard, who will share one's joys and sorrows." To his delight he saw a sympathetic gleam in her eyes. Then she nodded in agreement. Finally, she responded, "I think its a great idea! Yes, I can help you choose which puppy to buy!"
Wendy tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to Paul her good friend. Paul told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied Wendy, "if I only can sell the car." "Okay," said Paul. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore." The following weekend, Wendy made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, Paul asked Wendy, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied Wendy, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."
Best Data Recovery Software Find lost data on Hard Drives PC & Laptops Removable Drives Flash Drives Cameras Mobile Phones Memory Cards Easy to use and effective! Get Wise Recovery now!

GROAN ALERT! Mrs. O'Malley arrived in Boston from Ireland, and in no time at all her bean soup made her the talk of New England society. At a party celebrating the sale of her recipe to a fancy Charles Street restaurant, an old matron approached Mrs. O'Malley and said, "My dear girl, what is the secret of your soup?" Mrs. O'Malley said, "The secret o' me soup is that I use but two-hundred thirty-nine beans to make it." The woman said, "Why only two-hundred thirty-nine?" Mrs. O'Malley said, "Because one more would make it too farty."
Thanks to Cookie for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Balloons, Chambley, France
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christopher Jackson, 47 and Josephine Erikson, 61 in Chandler, Arizona Christopher Jackson, Man Accused Of Branding Woman's Vagina, Arrested On Suspicion Of Bestiality Reported by The Huff Post A Chandler, Ariz. man accused of burning his initials onto the genitals of at least one woman was arrested again on Monday, after sheriff's deputies allegedly found pornographic videos featuring a dog at his home. Christopher Jackson, 47, was arrested on suspicion of bestiality after police found the home movies while executing a search on his home in connection with the branding case, according to the Arizona Republic. “If you saw the video, you’d be pretty sick,” Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio said, according to the newspaper. “We weren’t expecting this.” Police also arrested 61-year-old Josephine Erikson, who they say is seen in the videos participating in sex acts involving Jackson's male German Shepard. Jackson and another woman, whom authorities are still searching for, also appear in the bestiality porn. Detectives removed the dog from Jackson's home and are currently taking care of it, according to ABC Phoenix. Both Jackson and Erikson are in jail on bestiality charges. Jackson was arrested Sept. 3 after police claim he drugged his girlfriend and branded his initials, "CJ" onto her vaginal area. The woman awoke in severe pain in Jackson's bed. She told police that Jackson bragged that he'd done the same thing to other women in the past and explained he did it because "her vagina was his," according to court documents obtained by the Phoenix New Times. Police recovered a butane torch and branding tool from Jackson's home in a search, CBS reported earlier this month. Tech Support Pits From: Sheila Re: W8 Dear Webby, I have the unfortunate luck of having Windows 8. THere are so many "tricks" to do anything on all the OS's, but how can one learn short cuts. I know alt ctrl delete, and ctrl P and that's about it. Is there a web page? Is it trial and error? It's like I'm driving a Cadillac but pushing it every where I go because I don't know all the perks in operating it. Thanks for any help Punk Dear Sheila I am not using W8 and don't know of any books about it. Try asking whoever conned you into buying a W8 machine, or get your money back and buy a W7 machine. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shoe Polish To Repair Damaged Leather We just had the dreaded nail polish remover stain on leather scenario, and the shoe polish tip has worked a treat. It's a brown leather sofa and I just worked some brown wax shoe polish into the stains, let it dry, then buffed it up. The stains weren't too bad and one application does seem to have done the trick. Happy days :) By Jon B. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The new Librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a "Contract" for returning the books on time. Her first customer was a second grader, who looked surprised to see a new Librarian. He brought four books to the desk and shoved them across to the Librarian, giving her his name as he did so. The Librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust. Before the Librarian could even start her speech he said, scornfully, "That other Librarian we had, could write."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island. Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship off- shore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him. When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him, "The captain said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued."

» Rock Cairns

Today, September 20, in
1519 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan left Spain 
 to find a route to the Spice Islands of Indonesia. Magellan 
 was killed during the trip, but one of his ships eventually 
 made the journey.
1870 The Papal States came under the control of Italian 
 troops, leading to the unification of Italy.
1963 U.S. President John F. Kennedy proposed a joint 
 U.S.-Soviet expedition to the moon in a speech to the 
 U.N. General Assembly.
1977 The first of the "boat people" arrived in San Francisco 
 from Southeast Asia under a new U.S. resettlement program.
1982 U.S. President Ronald Reagan announced that the 
 U.S., France, and Italy were going to send peacekeeping 
 troops back to Beirut.
1991 U.N. weapons inspectors left for Iraq in a renewed 
 search for Iraqi weapons of mass destruction.
1995 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to drop the 
 national speed limit. This allowed the states to decide 
 their own speed limits.
2013  smiled


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How to get the TaskManager without a mouse? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, September 19.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it. --- Marcus Aurelius A myth is a religion in which no one any longer believes. --- James Feibleman "Al Gore told the United Nations that cigarette smoking is a significant contributor to global warming. To be fair, you have to blame us, the non-smokers. We're the ones that made them go outside, right?" --- Jay Leno
>From Roland: After being at sea in the Persian Gulf for 90 straight days, I went to the squadron command master chief to complain. "Chief, I joined the Navy to see the world," I said, "but for the past three months all I've seen is water." "Lieutenant," he replied, "three-quarters of the earth is covered with water, and the Navy has been showing you that. If you wanted to see the other quarter, you should have joined the Army."
My mother-in-law just ran me over!" the shaken man told the police officer. "The car hit you from behind," the officer said. "How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?" The man said, "I recognized the laugh!"
Best Data Recovery Software Find lost data on Hard Drives PC & Laptops Removable Drives Flash Drives Cameras Mobile Phones Memory Cards Easy to use and effective! Get Wise Recovery now!

The drunk was brought into night court, having been picked up on suspicion of being the notorious night prowler. "What were you doing out at 3 A.M.?" the judge sternly queried. "I was going to a lecture." "A lecture at 3 A.M.?" The judge was scornful. "Oh, sure," said the drunk. "Sometimes my wife stays up longer than that just to lecture me."
Click on the picture for the large version Marmolada, Italy
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Steven Grady Fillingim, 40,Pensacola, Floriduh Jailed for Hitting Girl To Beat Of "Blurred Lines" Reported by The Smoking Gun Florida man arrested for child abuse struck his underage female victim with a metal rod to the beat of “Blurred Lines,” the hit song by Robin Thicke, according to a police report. Investigators arrived Sunday night at the Pensacola home of Steven Grady Fillingim, 40, in response to a child abuse complaint. The victim told Escambia County Sheriff’s Office deputies that Fillingim beat her for being lazy and cutting school last Thursday. While the victim’s name has been redacted from a sheriff’s office report, she appears to be Fillingim’s daughter. The girl told investigators that Fillingim had struck her in the face with a belt and his hands. She also detailed other harsh punishments, including being forced to shovel dirt for 90 minutes before being allowed to go to bed at 1:30 AM. On the day she skipped school, the girl told deputies, Fillingim beat her on the legs with a 30-inch metal rod known as a “switch.” During the videotaped assault, which lasted 40 minutes, Fillingim “played the Robin Thicke song ‘Blurred Lines,’ striking her with the switch to the beat of the music,” according to an unsettling Escambia County Sheriff’s Office report. Investigators obtained the video shot by Fillingim, who shared the recording with his girlfriend Lisa Coleman via text. As described by deputies, the clip, titled “She’s Home”, shows someone being struck with a switch on the upper thigh. While the subject’s face is not seen in the video, a sheriff’s deputy noted that bruising on the teen victim’s legs were consistent with the kind of thigh strikes caught on tape. Coleman told investigators that she had seen Fillingim strike the girl and force her to hold a weight for extended periods of time. The woman added that she has broken up with Fillingim. Seen in the above mug shot, Fillingim is jailed without bond on the felony child abuse charge. He is scheduled for a September 25 Circuit Court hearing. Sheriff’s deputies notified child welfare officials about the incident, and placed the victim in her mother’s custody. Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: Task Manager Dear Webby, How do I get the Task Manager in Windows 7, when Windows locks up and won't let me use the mouse? Thanks Frank Dear Frank CTRL SHIFT ESC It takes a few seconds, but eventually it will show. You can then use the UP / Down arrows to move the highlight, and ALT E to End a program. The nice part about the task manager, ever since Windows 95 in 1995, it has remembered which way you used it last. While you test the CTRL SHIFT ESC, set it to the second tab: Processes There you see which processes use the most memory. Sort them with largest on top. Next time you open it, it will open in the same mode. Also look at what the top 10 are. When there is a problem, check to see if something else butted into the top 10. That is likely a trouble-maker. ALT E and it is gone. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Soda Tab Tops to Hang Items An inexpensive way to hang items up that are not in a frame like sea shells, ceramics, or really anything for that matter, is to use a soda or beer tab top. Just attach it either by super glue or E-6000 for heavier items. I have done this for years. I always get asked "How did you get that to hang up like that?" By xintexas from San Antonio, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!" "But why, Mom? I don't want to go." "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go." "Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!" "Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready." "Give me two reasons why I *should* go to school." "Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the PRINCIPAL!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A very nervous man, accompanied by his nagging wife, was examined by a doctor. After checking the chart, he nodded and wrote the man a prescription for a powerful tranquilizer. The man asked, "How often do I take these." "Let's start off with once every six hours. But they're not for you." replied the doctor. "They're for your wife."

» Logos

Today, September 19, in
1356 The Battle of Poitiers was fought between England and 
 France. Edward "the Black Prince" captured France's 
 King John.
1777 The Battle of Saratoga was won by American soldiers 
 during the Revolutionary War.
1819 John Keats wrote "Ode to Autumn."
1876 Melville R. Bissell patented the carpet sweeper.
1893 In New Zealand, the Electoral Act 1893 was consented 
 to giving all women in New Zealand the right to vote.
1955 Argentina President Juan Peron was ousted after a 
 revolt by the army and navy.
1957 The U.S. conducted its first underground nuclear test. 
 The test took place in the Nevada desert.
1959 Nikita Khruschev was not allowed to visit Disneyland 
 due to security reasons. Khrushchev reacted angrily.
1960 Cuban leader Fidel Castro, in New York to visit the 
 United Nations, checked out of the Shelburne Hotel 
 angrily after a dispute with the management.
1983 Lebanese army units defending Souk el-Gharb were 
 supported in their effort by two U.S. Navy ships off Beirut.
1988 Israel successfully launched the Horizon-I test satellite.
1990 Iraq began confiscating foreign assets of countries 
 that were imposing sanctions against the Iraqi government.
1992 The U.N. Security Council recommended suspending 
 Yugoslavia due to its role in the Bosnian civil war.
1994 U.S. troops entered Haiti peacefully to enforce the 
 return of exiled President Jean-Bertrand Aristide.
1995 The commander of American forces in Japan and the 
 U.S. ambassador apologized for the rape of a schoolgirl 
 committed by three U.S. servicemen.
1996 The government of Guatemala and leftist rebels signed 
 a peace treaty to end their long war.
2002 In Ivory Coast, around 750 rebel soldiers attempted 
 to overthrow the government. U.S. troops landed on September 
 25th to help move foreigners, including Americans, 
 to safer areas.
2003 It was reported that "AOL Time Warner" was going to 
 drop "AOL" from its name and be known as "Time Warner Inc." 
 AOL had bought Time Warner on January 10, 2000, but was no 
 match for the East Coast style management experts of 
 Time Warner.
2013  smiled


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IM-Toolpack to store scren shots on the cloud 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, September 18.
Thanks Ed!
Thanks Joseph!
Thanks Mildred!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The most dangerous strategy is to jump a chasm in two leaps. --- Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881)
Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom and the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. After the wedding at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!" "IMPOSSIBLE!!" said the groom broom. "We haven't even swept together!"
After a round of golf, 4 elderly ladies sat around the club house chatting. Seeing the ladies, the Pro approached them and asked: "How did your game go?" The first said she had a good round...making the comment that she actually had 25 riders. The Pro was a bit perplexed not knowing what a "Rider" was. The second lady then quickly chimed in and said that she had a very good round as well with 16 riders. The third lady then said that her round was average and that she only had 10 riders. The fourth lady admitted that she played the worst round of the day and that she only had 2 riders all day long. The Pro was completely confused not knowing what the term "rider" meant. But, because he didn't want to look dumb, he made a quick polite remark, wished the ladies well and then left. He then approached the bartender and asked "Hey, can you tell me what these ladies are talking about when they refer to "riders"?" The bar tender simply smiled and said: "A 'rider' is when you have hit a shot long enough to take a ride on a golf cart."
Best Data Recovery Software Find lost data on Hard Drives PC & Laptops Removable Drives Flash Drives Cameras Mobile Phones Memory Cards Easy to use and effective! Get Wise Recovery now!

Sitting in the bar George asked his 40-year-old buddy Johnny, "How come you aren't married?" Johnny: "I haven't found the right woman yet." George: "So what are you looking for?" Johnny: "Oh she's got to be real pretty, - a good cook and house- keeper, and she's got to know how to handle money, a really nice and pleasant personality is a must -and money, she's got to have money...and a home, a nice big house, is what she has to have." George: "A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU." Johnny: "Oh, it's okay if she is crazy."
Thanks to Cookie for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Rain in Colorado
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mark Cruz, 28, of Wimauma, Floriduh Jailed for shooting himself Reported by Arca Max A Florida felon is in trouble again after the handgun he allegedly possessed in violation of the law discharged by mistake and shot him in the leg, police said. Mark Cruz, 28, of Wimauma, Fla., was carrying a .22-caliber pistol that fell out of his pocket and went off when it hit the ground, striking Cruz in the leg, the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office said. Cruz turned up at an area hospital where he was uncooperative with police investigating the incident, the South Florida Sun Sentinel said Friday. Cruz refused to say where the gun was -- telling police he threw it in an undisclosed lake. Cruz was charged with being a felon in possession of a firearm, carrying a concealed firearm and destroying physical evidence. He is now out on bail again. Tech Support Pits From: Randall Re: IM-Toolpack Dear Webby, I wrote to you in the last couple of days about screenshots and how to take them, and save them. The info you sent to me was great and appreciated. But this mornings paper had a letter from Kathy G. detailing a program called IM Toolpack for taking and saving screenshots. I downloaded the program and for someone who is just starting to learn the ins and out of computing without formal training it was so easy to use . could you please pass my thanks to Kathy G for me Webby....have a great week everyone! Randall Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Simple Green to Clean Thermos Both the Clorox Bleach company Customer Service and Oxiclean Customer Service say not to use their products to clean a stainless steel thermos. Why? Using products that contain bleach can cause damage to the metal. I contacted the company that makes "Simple Green" and was told that their product will not damage a stainless steel thermos. Here is the email response from Simple Green: Simple Green All Purpose Cleaner is safe and effective for cleaning the inside of a stainless steel thermos. The product can be used at about a 1:10 dilution ratio. To insure that there is no residue remaining, rinse thoroughly with clean water. Customer Service and Business Support Manager Sunshine Makers, Inc./ Simple Green 15922 Pacific Coast Highway Huntington Beach, CA 92649 562-795-6091 I was able to purchase Simple Green at Ace Hardware. It is likely that it is available at other hardware supply stores. And yes, it does work. By janebirk As those of you, who read this column, probably noticed, I have recommended Simple Green hundreds of times in the last twenty years. In the 80's, when I was an apprentice Electromechanic a cute young lady came by and demonstrated Simple Green. It worked very well for cleaning grimy, greasy electrical motors, and then she showed us, that it was not toxic, by spraying it on her palm, and with a tongue, that would make Miley Cyrus envious, licked it off her palm. John, my Journeyman, instantly fell in love with her, and asked her out for dinner. I don't know if anything came of that, but we got five 5 Gallon pails of Simple Green, and never ran out of it as long as I worked there. I have used Simple Green for everything from engines to keyboards, from glass stove-tops to floors. On shiny vinyl floors I mist a 6 square foot area with Simple Green with one hand, and damp-mop it with a heavy string mop with the other hand. Most of you will probably have to use both hands on the mop, but you will get the same clean shine. Simple Green is concentrated. You put a few inches of it into a trigger sprayer, top it off with water, and just mist it onto what you want to clean. Works great on greasy hands too! If there is no Ace hardware nearby, you can get Simple Green at Home Depot or Walmart Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. (Don't ask why or how, it just happens...) God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter." With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man. God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?" The man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Murphy and his wife went for a stroll in the park. They sit down on a bench to rest for awhile. Soon they overhear voices coming from a secluded spot nearby. Suddenly, Mrs. Murphy realizes that a young man is about to propose. Not wanting to be eavesdropping during such an intimate moment, she gently nudges her husband and whispers, "Whistle, to let that young couple know that someone can hear them." To which Murphy replies, "Whistle? Why should I whistle? Nobody whistled to warn me!"

» Snazzy Staircases

Today, September 18, in
1759 The French formally surrendered Quebec to the British.
 The Quebecois have never forgiven the English for that.
1763 It was reported, by the Boston Gazette, that the first 
 piano had been built in the United States. The instrument 
 was named the spinet and was made by John Harris.
1789 Alexander Hamilton negotiated and secured the first 
 loan for the United States. The Temporary Loan of 1789 
 was repaid on June 8, 1790 at the sum of $191,608.81.
1810 Chile declared its independence from Spain.
1830 The "Tom Thumb", the first locomotive built in America, 
 raced a horse on a nine-mile course. The horse won when 
 the locomotive had some mechanical difficulties.
1850 The Fugitive Slave Act was declared by the U.S. Congress. 
 The act allowed slave owners to claim slaves that had 
 escaped into other states.
1891 Harriet Maxwell Converse became the first white woman 
 to ever be named chief of an Indian tribe. The tribe was 
 the Six Nations Tribe at Towanda Reservation in New York.
1895 Daniel David Palmer gave the first chiropractic adjustment.
1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush said that he would send 
 warplanes to escort U.N. helicopters, that were searching for 
 hidden Iraqi weapons, if it became necessary.
1994 Haiti's military leaders agreed to depart on October 15th. 
 This action averted a U.S.-led invasion to force them 
 out of power.
1998 The FDA approved a once-a-day easier-to-swallow medication 
 for AIDS patients.
2013  smiled


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IM-Toolpack 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, September 17.

Even though the big Media in the US tried to hush up
the "2 million Bikers to DC on 9/11" run, the European
news reported the event. Here is an example:


Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants. --- A. Whitney Brown Here's to woman! Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands. --- Ambrose Bierce Consience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does. --- Evan Esar "I'm in favor of liberalized immigration because of the effect it would have on restaurants. I'd let just about everybody in, except the English." --- Calvin Tillin
Jim strolls into the paint section of a hardware store and walks up to the assistant. "I'd like a pint of canary-colored paint," he says. "Certainly," says the clerk. "Mind if I ask why you need it?" "My parakeet," says Jim. "See, I want to enter him in a canary contest. He sings so sweetly that I know he's sure to win." "Well, you can't do that!" the assistant says. "The chemicals in the paint will almost certainly kill the poor thing!" "No, they won't," Jim replies. "Listen, Buddy, I'll bet you ten bucks your parakeet dies if you try to paint him." "You're on!" says Jim. Two days later Jim comes back looking very sheepish and puts ten dollars on the counter in front of the clerk. "So the paint killed your bird?" "Indirectly," Jim says. "He seemed to handle the paint okay, but he didn't survive the sanding between coats."
Ed told me his buddy came in late one day because his car lock had become frozen. The guy defrosted it by holding the key in a candle flame to get it hot enough to just "slide" through the ice. The guy said, "That worked so well I've got a bunch of candles in the glove box in case it happens again." Ed said, "How will you get them out?"
Discover The Secrets To Building a 50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE with The Performance of a Motorcycle* and SAVE THOUSANDS on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs. Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike using parts available in your garage or online, so you can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in another traffic jam again. * Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting and shopping, not for racing on the freeway. Acceleration off a traffic light is phenomenal with electric bikes!

The District Attorney stared at the jury, unable to believe its verdict. Bitterly he asked, "What possible excuse could you have for acquitting this man?" The foreman answered, "Insanity." The D.A. said, "All twelve of you?"
Click on the picture for the large version
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Ethiopian Opal
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brittani French, 25, Louisville, Kentucky Jailed for Hiding Dopey Metal Breath Mint Box Inside Vagina Reported by the Weekly Vice Brittani French, a 25-year-old Kentucky woman, was booked into jail on a minor shoplifting charge when officers found something that peaked their interest a little more. According to police, officers were processing French into the prison when a body scan device revealed a square metal object located inside French's genital area. Female correction officers performed a strip search and removed a metal breath mint box from her vagina. Inside the breath mint box were four baggies that allegedly contain methamphetamine residue. Also inside the box were four more baggies and a green straw. French allegedly confirmed to police that the residue on the baggies was methamphetamine. She also told police that she hid the box inside her vagina because she didn't, want "to get into any more trouble." She was booked into Louisville Metro Corrections and charged with promoting contraband, trafficking in a controlled substance and tampering with evidence. Tech Support Pits From: Kathy Re: IM-Toolpack Dear Webby, I don't know if a member of your awesome group is supposed to write in regards to advice that you have given so just tell me if not. I have a program downloaded called IM Tool Pack and I just love it because of its ease of use. Just had to chime in. Bye for now Kathy G Dear Kathy Thanks for a very handy program! I checked it out and it seems to be a handy tool. Here is the info I found there: IM ToolPack is an application that allows you to easily capture screenshots with IM ToolPack and upload them to the Web for free! You can crop, highlight, draw on or even add text directly onto the screenshot. Share your screenshots with friends through instant messaging and webmail, or post them on social networks, forums, blogs and websites. You can manage stored screenshots and share them by copying and pasting tiny URLS wherever you want. IM-ToolPack is at http://snipurl.com/27tohui and is free. What sets IM-Toolpack apart from other programs is that you can upload your screenshots, and then simply send the URL in email or via Skype or FB. You won't be cluttering up YOUR computer with screenshots. They will all be up in the cloud. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Washing Machines Free of Detergent Build-up Hello, I live in Australia. We use litre measurements here. Turn machine on, fill with warm water (full load level) and add a bit more than 1/2 gallon of the cheapest vinegar available. Let the machine finish its cycle. I sometimes move back the timer to wash again. Do this twice a year. It takes out soap scum build up and also disinfects and deodorises interior. Go ahead as usual with your next wash. By gethelena That is especially important with front loading machines, that get closed when not in use. Smelly bacteria like breeding in those. The vinegar gets rid of them. You don't even need the warm water. Just vinegar alone is good enough. It gets splashed into all the places, where soap scum and bacteria accumulate. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
An Irishman walks into a bar and asks for two beers. He then pulls a small green-skinned man out of his pocket and puts him on the counter. As he's drinking one drink and the green man is drinking the other, an Englishman down the bar who has had a few too many drinks says, "Hey Paddy!, what's that little green thing you've got down there?" The little green man runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a raspberry, "SPLBLBLBLT!," right in the face and then runs back to the Irishman. The Englishman mops himself off and says to the Irishman, "Hey Paddy!, what is that thing, anyway?" The Irishman replies, "Have some respect. He's a leprechaun." "A leprechaun!" says the Englishman laughing, "Boy, I never knew leprechauns were so ugly!" The leprechaun runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a raspberry again- SPLBLBLBLBT! This time the Englishman is really mad! "Tell that leprechaun that if he does that again I'll cut his pecker off!" he shouts. "You can't do that" says the Irishman. "Leprechauns don't have peckers." "How do they pee, then?" asks the Englishman. "They don't," says the Irishman. "They go SPLBLBLBLBT!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond as he hadn't been there for a while to look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond. I only came to feed my alligator."

» Storm Trivia

Today, September 17, in
1394 In France, Charles VI published an ordinance that 
 expelled all Jews from France.
1778 The United States signed its first treaty with a Native 
 American tribe, the Delaware Nation.
1787 The Constitution of the United States of America was 
 signed by delegates at the Constitutional Convention.
1862 The Battle of Antietam took place during the American 
 Civil War. More than 23,000 men were killed, wounded, or 
 missing. The Rebel advance was ended with heavy losses to 
 both armies.
1872 Phillip W. Pratt patented a version of the sprinkler
1911 The first transcontinental airplane flight started. 
 It took C.P. Rogers 82 hours to fly from New York City to 
 Pasadena, CA.
1930 Construction on Boulder Dam, later renamed Hoover Dam, 
 began in Black Canyon, near Las Vegas, NV.
1932 Sir Malcolm Campbell set a speed record when he reached 
 276.27 mph over a half mile.
1937 At Mount Rushmore, Abraham Lincoln's face was dedicated.
1939 The Soviet Union invaded Poland. Germany had invaded the
 previously German part of Poland on September 1.
1962 U.S. space officials announced the selection of 
 Neil A. Armstrong and eight others as new astronauts.
1972 "M*A*S*H" premiered on CBS-TV.
1976 NASA unveiled the space shuttle Enterprise in Palmdale, CA.
1988 Lt. Gen. Prosper Avril declared himself president of 
 Haiti after President Henri Hamphy was ousted.
1992 Lawrence Walsh called a halt to his probe of the 
 Iran-Contra scandal. The investigation had lasted 5 1/2 years.
1995 Hong Kong held its last legislative election before being 
 taken over by China in 1997.
1998 The United States government offered a reward for the 
 capture of Haroun Fazil for his role in the bombing of the 
 US embassy in Kenya on August 7, 1998.
2013  smiled


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How to make a screen shot 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, September 16.

It looks like more and more people are realizing, that
good ol Dear Webby was right after all, when he called the
Gullible Warming scarempngering a bunch of BS.

Here is the DailyMail UK

Those Gullible Warming predictions "now appear gravely flawed."

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Obamite Logic: Obama tells us not to judge all Muslims by the actions of a few lunatics. But.... Obama tells us to judge all gun owners by the actions of a few lunatics, except when they are Muslims. --- D. A. Funk
A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son replied, "Dad, when Lincoln was your age, he was The President of The United States!!!"
Todd and Jill had just gotten back from the honeymoon, and were having their first fight, and it was a big one. No matter what Todd tried to say or do, Jill refused to compromise, or even listen. He started growing exasperated. After a while, Todd said "When we got married, you promised to love, honor and obey." Jill replied, "I know. But I didn't want to start an argument in front of all those people at the wedding."
Discover The Secrets To Building a 50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE with The Performance of a Motorcycle* and SAVE THOUSANDS on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs. Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike using parts available in your garage or online, so you can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in another traffic jam again. * Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting and shopping, not for racing on the freeway. Acceleration off a traffic light is phenomenal with electric bikes!

>From Edna Recently moved to a new city, I was eager to meet people. So one day I struck up a conversation with the only other woman in the gym. Pointing to two men playing racquetball in a nearby court, I said to her, "There's my husband." Then I added, "The thin one--not the fat one." After a slightly uncomfortable silence she replied, "And that's my husband - the fat one."
From the SUN-Metro Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robin Erwin, 31, Sauk Village, South Chicago, Illinois Jailed for Stabbing Son In Heart During Argument Over Ice Cream Reported by the Weekly Vice -Robin Erwin, a 31-year-old south Chicago woman, was jailed Saturday after she allegedly stabbed her teen son to death during an argument over ice cream. According to police, Erwin and her son were arguing about ice cream that morning when Erwin stabbed her son directly in the heart. The victim, 17-year-old Diontae Erwin, was rushed to a local hospital where he was pronounced dead at 12:41 p.m.. Dionte Erwin's death has been ruled a homicide shortly after medical examiners concluded that Erwin died of a fatal stab wound to the heart. After the alleged stabbing, Robin Erwin reportedly called 911 and told them that her son walked into her knife. Officers took her into custody when they arrived on the scene. She was booked into jail and charged with first-degree murder. She remains held in lieu of $750,000. As police processed the scene, they came into contact with 21-year-old Larry Gray who has been charged with unlawful use of a weapon by a felon and violating parole. Apparently it was his knife. Tech Support Pits From: Randall Re: How do I take screen shots? Dear Webby, Good Sunday morning to you. Hope this finds you in good spirits and heatlth. My question this time is about taking screenshots of different items on my laptop. I am totally lost as how to do this and knew you would have the knowledge I am looking for. I am a devoted reader of your paper for years and read it with my first cup of Joe in the morning while it is still quiet around our house. Again thanks for the great knowledge that you pass along each and every day with your paper. Randall Dear Randall The easiest way to make screen shots is to first open a program to receive the screen shot. That can be a graphics program or a word processor or email or even a spreadsheet. Then jump to the program, where you want to capture the screen. Hold down ALT and hit the PrintScreen key. ALT TAB back to the receiver program. CTRL V to paste the screen shot. Usually it is best to paste the shot into a graphics program, so that you can crop it and show just the important parts, without frame and borders. Then you can copy the trimmed, and probably resized picture, and paste it into whatever you want. For email you usually have to resize it down quite a bit. Screenshots tend to be too large for comfort. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Repurpose Food Boxes as Christmas Packages It's September and time to start thinking about Christmas. I try to have all my purchases done before November 1. I also save old boxes to wrap in gift paper to make my wrapping experience as stress free as possible by having them ready now. Using colored duct tape to finish the edges also adds to the festive mood. These boxes can be used over and over again. By lnygaard Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A church was looking for a new minister, and the selection committee finally recommended a young man just out of the seminary. Many older church members protested that a more experienced man would have been preferable. Committee members retaliated with the argument that a younger minister might breathe fresh life into the congregation. At the end of the meeting, I commented to an older man that this marked the beginning of better things for our church. "Yes," he said with a wry smile. "Moving on to greener pastors."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1965. Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course. Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course. Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP. Canadians: We are a lighthouse, on a big rock. Your call.

» Dolomites

Today, September 16, in
1400 Owain Glyndwr was proclaimed Prince of Wales after 
 rebelling against English rule. He was the last Welsh-born 
 Prince of Wales.
1620 The Mayflower departed from Plymouth, England. The ship 
 arrived at Provincetown, MA, on November 21st and then at 
 Plymouth, MA, on December 26th. There were 102 passengers.
1630 The village of Shawmut changed its name to Boston.
1810 The Mexicans began a revolt against Spanish rule. 
 Miguel Hidalgo y Costilla, a Catholic priest of Spanish 
 descent, declared Mexico's independence from Spain in the 
 small town of Dolores.
1893 The "Cherokee Strip" in Oklahoma was swarmed by 
 hundreds of thousands of settlers.
1908 General Motors was founded by William Crapo "Billy" 
 Durant. The company was formed by merging the Buick and 
 Olds car companies.
1940 U.S. President Roosevelt signed into law the Selective 
 Training and Service Act, which set up the first peacetime 
 military draft in U.S. history.
1974 U.S. President Ford announced a conditional amnesty 
 program for draft-evaders and deserters during the Vietnam War.
1976 The Episcopal Church formally approved women to be ordained 
 as priests and bishops.
1982 In west Beirut, the massacre of hundreds of Palestinian 
 men, women and children began in refugee camps of the 
 Lebanese Christian militiamen.
1987 The Montreal Protocol was signed by 24 countries in an 
 effort to save the Earth's ozone layer by reducing emissions 
 of harmful chemicals by the year 2000. The Ozone scare has 
 since then been found to be false. 
1990 An eight-minute videotape of an address by U.S. President 
 George H.W. Bush was shown on Iraqi television. The message 
 warned that action of Saddam Hussein could plunge them into 
 a war "against the world."
1994 Exxon Corporation was ordered by federal jury to pay 
 $5 billion in punitive damages to the people harmed by the 
 1989 Exxon Valdez spill.
1994 Two astronauts from the space shuttle Discovery went on 
 the first untethered spacewalk in 10 years.
1998 Universal paid $9 million for the rights to the 
 Dr. Seuss classics "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and 
 "Oh, the Places You'll Go."
2013  smiled


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Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, September 15.

>From Nana Rina
Thank you for your tribute to the Bikers who rode in 
Washington, DC on 9/11...I did cry while watching it. 
It brought back a lot of memories to me. I live so 
close to DC and wanted to ride but I am an old soldier, 
hippie, biker, cop, secretary, mother, and grandmother 
now, and couldn't make it there for health reasons but 
my heart was with them on the ride. Thank you for your 
wonderful newsletter. 
Hugs,
Nanny 


Tribute to the bikers

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Talk low, talk slow, and don't talk too much. --- John Wayne (1907 - 1979),
Australian jokes tend to be long and wordy, but usually well worth the long build-up. >From Sheila in Oz A guy spent five years traveling all around the world making a documentary on Native dances. At the end of this time, he had every single native dance of every indigenous culture in the world on film -- or so he thought. He wound up in Australia, in Alice Springs, so he popped into a pub for a well earned beer. He got talking to one of the local Aborigines and told him about his project. The Aborigine asked the guy what he thought of the Butcher Dance. "Butcher Dance?" he said, confused. "What's that?" "What? You didn't see the Butcher Dance?" "No, I've never heard of it." "Mate, you're crazy," the Aborigine replied. "How can you say you filmed every native dance if you haven't seen the Butcher Dance?" "Umm. I got a Corroborree on film just the other week. Is that what you mean?" "No, no. The Butcher Dance is much more important than the Corroborree." "Oh," the man said, his curiosity piqued. "Well how can I see this Butcher Dance then?" "Mate, the Butcher Dance is way out in the wilderness. It'll take you many days of travel to go see it." "Look, I've been everywhere from the forests of the Amazon, to deepest darkest Africa, to the frozen wastes of the Arctic filming these dances. Nothing will prevent me from recording this one last dance." "Ok, mate," the Aborigine replied, shrugging. "You drive north along the highway towards Darwin. After you drive 197 miles, you'll see a dirt track veer off to left. Follow the dirt track for 126 miles till you see big huge dead gum tree -- the biggest tree you've ever seen. Here you gotta leave car, because it's much too rough for driving. You strike out due west into the setting sun. Walk three days till you hit a creek. You follow this creek to the northwest. After two days you'll find where the creek flows out of some rocky mountains, but it's much too difficult to cross the mountains there, though. So you head south for half day until you see a pass through mountains. The pass is very difficult and very dangerous. It'll take you two, maybe three days to get through it. On the other side, head northwest for four days until you reach a big huge rock -- twenty feet high and shaped like a man's head. From the rock, walk due west for two days, and then you'll find the village. You'll be able to see the Butcher Dance there." So the guy grabbed his camera crew and equipment and headed out. After a couple of hours, he found the dirt track. The track was in a shocking state, and he was forced to crawl along at a snail's pace, and so he didn't reach the tree until dusk, where he was forced to set up camp for the night. He set out bright and early the following morning. His spirits were high, and he was excited about the prospect of capturing on film this mysterious dance that he had never heard mention of before. True to the directions he had been given, he reached the creek after three days and followed it for another two, until he reached the rocky mountains. The merciless sun was starting to take its toll, and the spirits of both himself and his crew were starting to flag; but wearily they trudged on, finally finding the pass through the mountains. Nothing would prevent him from completing his life's dream. The mountains proved to be every bit as treacherous as their guide had said, and at times they despaired of ever getting their bulky equipment through. But after three and a half days of back breaking effort, they finally forced their way clear and continued their long trek. When they reached the huge rock, four days later, their water was running low, and their feet were covered with blisters, but they steeled themselves and headed out on the last leg of their journey. Two days later they virtually staggered into the village. To their relief, the natives welcomed them and fed them and gave them fresh water, and they began to feel like new men. Once he recovered enough, the guy went before the village chief and told him that he came to film their Butcher Dance. "Oh mate," he said. "Very bad you come today. Butcher Dance last night. You too late. You miss dance." "Well, when do you hold the next dance?" "Not till next year." "Well, I've come all this way. Couldn't you just hold an extra dance for me tonight?" "No, no, no!" the chief exclaimed. "Butcher Dance very holy. Only hold once a year. You want see Butcher Dance, you come back next year." Understandably, the guy was devastated, but he had no other option but to head back to civilization and back home. The following year, he headed back to Australia and, determined not to miss out again, set out a week earlier than before. He was quite willing to spend a week in the village before the dance is performed in order to ensure he was present to witness it. But right from the start, things went wrong. Heavy rains that year turned the dirt track to mud, and the car got bogged down every few miles. Finally they had to abandon their vehicles and slog through the mud on foot almost half the distance to the tree. They reached the creek and the mountains without any further problems, but halfway through the mountain pass, they were struck by a fierce storm that raged for several days, during which they were forced to cling forlornly to the mountainside until it subsided. Then, before they had traveled a mile out from the mountains, one of the crew sprained his ankle badly, slowing down the rest of their journey greatly. Eventually, having lost all sense of how long they had been traveling, they staggered into the village right at noon. "The Butcher Dance!" the man gasped. "Please don't tell me I'm too late to see it!" The chief recognized him and said, "No, white fella. Butcher Dance performed tonight. You come just in time." Relieved beyond measure, the crew spent the rest of the afternoon setting up their equipment and preparing to capture the night's ritual on celluloid. As dusk fell, the natives started to cover their bodies in white paint and adorn themselves in all manner of birds' feathers and animal skins. Once darkness had settled fully over the land, the natives formed a circle around a huge roaring fire. A deathly hush descended over performers and spectators alike as a wizened old figure with elaborate swirling designs covering his entire body entered the circle and began to chant. "What's he doing?" the man whispered to the chief. "Hush," the chief whispered back. "You first white man ever to see most sacred of our rituals. Must remain silent. Holy man, he asks that the spirits of the dream world watch as we demonstrate our devotion to them through our dance, and, if they like our dancing, will they be so gracious as to watch over us and protect us for another year." The chanting of the holy man reached a stunning crescendo before he removed himself from the circle. The rhythmic pounding of drums boomed out across the land, and the natives began to sway to the stirring rhythm. The guy became caught up in the fervor of the moment himself. This was it. He realized beyond all doubt that his wait had not been in vain. He was about to witness the ultimate performance of rhythm and movement ever conceived by mankind. The chief strode to his position in the circle and, in a big booming voice, started to sing: "You butch yer right arm in. You butch yer right arm out. You butch yer right arm in, and you shake it all about...."
Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "This is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all!"
Discover The Secrets To Building a 50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE with The Performance of a Motorcycle* and SAVE THOUSANDS on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs. Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike using parts available in your garage or online, so you can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in another traffic jam again. * Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting and shopping, not for racing on the freeway. Acceleration off a traffic light is phenomenal with electric bikes!

A cop saw Liz down on her knees under a streetlight. "Can I help you?" he asked. Replied Liz, "I dropped my keys and I'm looking for them." After a glance around, the cop asked: "Are you sure you droped them right here?" "No," responded Liz, "I dropped them down in that alley, but it's way too dark to find anything down there."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robin Campbell, 20, Maitland, Floriduh Jailed for Walking Dog While Naked and dopey. Reported by the Weekly Vice Robin Campbell, a 20-year-old Florida man, has been jailed after he was allegedly found walking his dog in the nude. According to police, officers were called to the scene when neighbors were assaulted by the the sight of Campbell walking his dog without a stitch of clothing on. When officers asked Campbell where his clothes were, he replied that he was walking "In God's house" and therefore should not be required to wear clothing. God could not be immediately reached for comment on what the house rules were, so police ordered him to cover up. When Campbell refused, officers attempted to take him into custody, however, Campbell resisted arrest. That's when officers demonstrated to Campbell how effective a Taser devise was when applied directly to the skin. Campbell later stated that he had consumed mushrooms before threatening to kill the officer. He was booked into jail and charged with battery, resisting arrest and exposing his body (public nudity). Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Keyboard Shortcuts Dear Webby, Good day to you, still loving your info and humor. Is there a site with all of the shortcuts listed? ones like Ctrl/a Ctrl/ c? Just wondering and thanks. jh Hi Jim Once upon a time, long, long ago, when there was still an empty space on top of the keyboards, I made a strip, that you could print out and lay onto that space. It is still at http://webby.com/key-codes.html The goofy symbol you see in the bottom row, that used to produce the Windows key on Windows 95. If there is enough demand, I'll translate the strip to Winows7. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Eye Glasses To remove hairspray and greasy perspiration, I use rubbing alcohol. It cleans the lenses really well and it can be used on either plastic or glass lenses. Source: I received this top from my eye doctor. By Ginger from Decatur, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Four older ladies are sitting around playing bridge. The first lady says," You know girls, I have known you all a long time and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a Kleptomaniac. But, don't worry, I have never stolen from you and I never will; we have been friends for too long." The second lady says, "Well, since we are having true confessions here, I must get something off my chest too. I am a Nymphomaniac. But don't worry, I have not hit on your husbands. They don't interest me and never will; we have been friends for too long." "Well," says the third lady, "I, too, must confess something. I am a Lesbian. But do not worry, I will not hit on you. You are not my type. We have been friends too long for me to ruin our friendship." The fourth lady stands up, says, "I have a confession to make also. I am an uncontrollable gossip, and I have some phone calls to make!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Tina My dad, an auto mechanic, received a repair order that read: "Check for clunking sound when going around corners." Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a clunk. He then made a left turn and again heard a clunk. Back at the shop, he opened the car's trunk, and soon discovered the problem. He returned the repair order to the service manager with this notation: "Removed bowling ball from trunk".

» Psychedelica

Today, September 15, in
1776 - British forces occupied New York City during the American 
 Revolution.
1821 - Costa Rica, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua and 
 El Salvador proclaimed independence.
1857 - Timothy Alder earned a patent for the typesetting machine.
1858 - The first mail service begins to the Pacific Coast of 
 the U.S. under government contract. Coaches from the 
 Butterfield Overland Mail Company took 12 days to make the 
 journey between Tipton, MO and San Francisco, CA.
1909 - Charles F. Kettering applied for a patent on his 
 ignition system. His company Delco (Dayton Engineering 
 Laboratories Company) later became a subsidiary of 
 General Motors.
1916 - During the Battle of the Somme, in France, tanks 
 were first used in warfare when the British rolled them 
 onto the battlefields.
1917 - Alexander Kerensky proclaimed Russia to be a republic.
1923 - Oklahoma was placed under martial law by Gov. John 
 Calloway Walton due to terrorist activity by the 
 Ku Klux Klan. After this declaration national newspapers 
 began to expose the Klan and its criminal activities.
1928 - Canadian Alexander Fleming discovered the antibiotic 
 penicillin in the mold Penicillium notatum.
1935 - The Nuremberg Laws were enacted by Nazi Germany. 
 The act stripped all German Jews of their civil rights 
 and the swastika was made the official symbol of 
 Nazi Germany.
1940 - The German Luftwaffe suffered the loss of 185 planes 
 in the Battle of Britain. This caused Hitler to abandon 
 his plans for invading Britain. Britain's losses were much 
 higher, but Hitler did not know that.
1950 - U.N. forces landed at Inchon, Korea in an attempt to 
 relieve South Korean forces and recapture Seoul.
1959 - Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev arrived in the U.S. 
 to begin a 13-day visit.
1961 - The U.S. resumed underground testing of nuclear weapons.
1971 - Greenpeace was founded.
1978 - Muhammad Ali defeated Leon Spinks to win his 3rd 
 World Heavyweight Boxing title.
1990 - France announced that it would send an additional 
 4,000 soldiers to the Persian Gulf. They also expelled Iraqi 
 military attaches in Paris.
1993 - The FBI announced a new national campaign concerning 
 the crime of carjacking.
1994 - U.S. President Clinton told Haiti's military leaders 
 "Your time is up. Leave now or we will force you from power."
1998 - Ayatollah Ali Khamenei ordered the Iranian military 
 to be on full alert and massed troops on its border 
 with Afghanistan.
1998 - It was announced that 5.9 million people read The 
 Starr Report on the Internet. 606,000 people read the White 
 House defense of U.S. President Clinton.
1999 - The United Nations approved the deployment of a 
 multinational peacekeeping force in East Timor.
2013  smiled


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Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, September 14.

A nice tribute to the bikers who showed, 
that there are some patriots left.


Tribute to the bikers

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive? --- Irv Kupcinet Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. --- George Carlin
Jill was selling tickets at the movie house when she got a phone call. This woman said, "How much is a ticket?" Jill said, "Eight dollars per seat." She asked, "How much for children?" Jill said, "Same price, Eight dollars per seat." She said, "The airlines charge half fare for children." Jill said, "Fine. Put the kids on a plane, and you come to the movie. You'll enjoy it a lot more that way."
The editor of a small country newspaper, furious over several government bills that had recently been passed, printed a scathing editorial with an enormous headline: "HALF THE LEGISLATORS ARE CROOKS"'. Many local Politicians were outraged and exerted tremendous pressure on him to print a retraction. He finally gave in to the pressure and ran his apology with the headline: "HALF THE LEGISLATORS SAY THEY ARE NOT CROOKS".
Discover The Secrets To Building a 50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE with The Performance of a Motorcycle* and SAVE THOUSANDS on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs. Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike using parts available in your garage or online, so you can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in another traffic jam again. * Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting and shopping, not for racing on the freeway. Acceleration off a traffic light is phenomenal with electric bikes!

>From Sheila in Oz Bill watched through the window as his young daughter played in the first snow of the season and made a snowman with a little friend. Entertained by the sight, he went closer and heard the little boy say: "I've got an idea. To finish it off, I'll go to the kitchen and find a carrot." And his daughter replied, "Make it two. The second can be his nose."
From the SUN-Metro Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jordan Linn Graham, 22, Helena, Montana Jailed for pushing new hubby off cliff Jordan Linn Graham, a 22-year-old Montana woman, has been jailed after she allegedly pushed her husband off a cliff just a week after they had been married. According to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, an investigation was launched on July 8 after Graham's husband, 25-year-old Cody Johnson, failed to show up for work. When investigators interviewed Graham (pictured left), she stated that her husband had gone hiking with friends on July 7, but never returned. The next day, however, Graham miraculously found her husband's body, which was obscured by the canyon walls and foliage of Glacier National Park. Although park officials thought it strange that Graham was able to locate the body in such an obscure place, Graham explained that it was a place her "husband wanted to see before he died." As the investigation continued, however, text messages from Graham to various friends revealed that she was not happy with her one week old marriage. Investigators say Graham texted a friend on the same day Johnson was pushed to his death and stated that she was having second thoughts about getting married and intended to talk to Johnson about it. Five days after Johnson's deceased body had been recovered, Graham confessed to investigators that she was responsible for his death. Graham told investigators that she intended to talk to her husband about their marriage, so the two of them took a walk on Loop Trail which is known for its hairpin turns and cliff-edged pathways. It was along that trail that the couple began to argue as Graham broached the topic of their marriage. At some point during the argument, Graham reportedly smacked Johnson's hands away and then used both hands to push him face-first off the walkway's ledge. She then reportedly returned home, leaving his broken body on the rocks below. At the conclusion of a two-month investigation, Graham has been charged with second-degree murder. Bond has not yet been announced in the case. Tech Support Pits From: Peggy Re: Unsuccessful updates Dear Webby, I keep getting the same updates over and over. I install them, but they keep coming back although it says they have been installed successfully....what’s going on! I hope you have some insights, Thanks Peggie Dear Peggie That sounds like you got a fairly popular virus. Run a reputable anti-malware scan like McAfee. That should stop that nonsense. That virus pretends to give you a link to Microsoft, but it just downloads new instructions from North Korea or Iran or wherever the virus controller happens to be today. Once you have installed a good malware protection, it will not allow a re-infection, even if you again go to the same site, where you picked up that virus before. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning A Smooth Top Stove Surface I've owned a smoothtop stove for some six years or so and I've made many attempts at cleaning up my "muck ups". For average problems, there are many solutions out there. But for those very bad mistakes there are very few - if any - good solutions. I've tried almost everything. The scraping is tedious and doesn't always (or very seldom) works. First try baking soda with a little water. It's cheap and abrasive but doesn't scratch. Cleaners like Barkeeper's Friend are abrasive but have about the same effect as baking soda. Glass cleaner is good for mild problems, just let it soak. I'm gonna try the oven cleaner but be careful. I've been to different web sites and they have no comments on it's effectiveness. Glasstops - a solution or a problem? Are you perfect? Then they are a solution. You aren't perfect? - then they are no better than a regular electric stove. By Snorp I bought a glass top stove a dozen years ago, and find it is a hundred times easier than the open burner type. Yeah, I know, people who check their email while they cook, buy burner liners in 100 packs, often. And they still have a messy stove top. To clean a glass top, use a 4" paint scraper, that looks like a putty knife, but is stiffer and does NOT have a thin, sharp tip. The tip is about 1/16" thick and has sharp edges. Those sharp 90 degree edges do the work and stay sharp. Scrape the glass until the scraper glides smoothly. Spray some "Simple Green" or any other effective THIN cleaner on it. Not a thick dish soap! Let it soak five minutes, then use regular steel wool to scour areas, that are not shiny yet. Don't worry, the glass is harder than steel wool. Wipe with a wet sponge. If there are spots, that are still not shiny, sprinkle Comet onto the wet glass and let it soak. Don't use the Comet before you have done the other steps. It works best, when there is as little as possible of baked on hard stuff. I do it my way about twice a year, and the glass top is still shiny after a dozen years of an untamed bachelor pretending to know how to cook. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
An atheist complained to a friend, "Christians have their special holidays, such as Christmas and Easter; and Jews celebrate their holidays, such as Passover and Yom Kippur; Muslims have their holidays. EVERY religion has its holidays. But we atheists," he said, "have no recognized national holidays. It's an unfair discrimination." His friend replied, "Well... you got April first!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Ole and Lena lived on a lake in Northern Minnesota. It was late fall and the lake had just frozen over. Lena asked Ole if he would walk across the frozen lake to the general store to pick up a dozen eggs. He asked for some money, but she told hhim to put it on their tab. So he walked across, got the eggs and walked back. Then he asked Lena why she didn't send him with any money. She said, "I vasn't goin' to send any money ven I vasn't sure how tick de ice vas."

» Mirror Images

Today, September 14, in
891 Stephen V ends his reign as Catholic Pope
1716 1st lighthouse in US lit (Boston Harbor)
1752 England & colonies adopt Gregorian calendar, 11 days 
 disappear
1812 Napoleon occupies Moscow 
1812 Moscow was set on fire by Russians after Napoleon 
 Bonaparte's troops invaded.
1814 Francis Scott Key wrote the "Star-Spangled Banner," 
 a poem originally known as "Defense of Fort McHenry," 
 after witnessing the British bombardment of Fort McHenry, 
 MD, during the War of 1812. The song became the official U.S.  national anthem on March 3, 1931.
1847 U.S. forces took control of Mexico City under the 
 leadership of General Winfield Scott.
1866 George K. Anderson patented the typewriter ribbon.
1901 U.S. President William McKinley died of gunshot wounds 
 inflicted by an assassin. Vice President Theodore Roosevelt, 
 at age 42, succeeded him.
1915 Carl G. Muench received a patent for Insulit, the 
 first sound-absorbing material to be used in buildings.
1938 The VS-300 made its first flight. The craft was based 
 on the helicopter technology patented by Igor Sikorsky.
1940 The Selective Service Act was passed by the U.S. 
 Congress providing the first peacetime draft in the US
1959 Luna II, a Soviet space probe, became the first 
 man-made object on the moon when it landed on the surface.
1960 The Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries 
 (OPEC) was founded. The core members were Iran, Iraq, 
 Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, and Venezuela.
1972 "The Waltons" premiered on CBS-TV.
1978 "Mork & Mindy" premiered on ABC-TV.
1983 The U.S. House of Representatives voted 416-0 in a 
 resolution condemning the Soviet Union for the shooting 
 down of a Korean jet on September 1.
1984 Joe Kittinger became the first person to fly a 
 balloon solo across the Atlantic Ocean.
1998 Israel announced that they had successfully tested 
 its Arrow-2 missile defense system.
2001 The FBI released the names of the 19 suspected hijackers 
 that had taken part in the September 11 terror attacks 
 on the U.S.
2013  smiled


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Problem with newsletters on Hotmail 








Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, September 13.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



>From Carole
We watched every news station but not one mention of the 
bikers. We watched it on face book. They were beyond great!!! 
  Webby, you are the greatest. 
                Granny

Dear Carole
The fact that some papers and some TV stations ignored the
fact of the 2 Million patriotic Bikers ride to DC shows you, 
who the patriots are, and who followed orders of Anti-American
owners.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive? --- Irv Kupcinet It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. --- Jerome K. Jerome
Liam had left Dublin to go up to Belfast for a bit of skydiving, Late Sunday evening he was found in tree by a farmer. "What happened?" said the farmer. Liam replied, that his parachute failed to open, "Well," said the farmer, "if you had of asked the locals before you jumped, they would have told you nothing opens here on a Sunday."
Thanks to Phil for these requests from his tenants: "The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared." "I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off." "This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door." "The toilet seat is cracked. Where do I stand?" "I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall." "I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen." "The person next door has a large erection in his backyard, which is unsightly and dangerous." "Will you please send someone to repair our cracked sidewalk? Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant." "Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like to have a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it." "Could you please send someone to fix the faucet in our bathtub? My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us." "I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 5:30 his cock wakes me up, and it is getting to be too much." "When the workmen were here, they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a real mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy."
Discover The Secrets To Building a 50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE with The Performance of a Motorcycle* and SAVE THOUSANDS on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs. Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike using parts available in your garage or online, so you can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in another traffic jam again. * Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting and shopping, not for racing on the freeway. Acceleration off a traffic light is phenomenal with electric bikes!

One day a mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, the zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts. So the next morning before the crowd arrives the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws larger crowds than he ever did as a mime on the street. However, eventually the crowd tires of him and he tires of just swinging on auto tires. He notices that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the next cage. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top of the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it. At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction. Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowd grows larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one day when he is dangling over the top of the lion's cage, he slips and falls. The mime is terrified. The lion raises himself up and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run around the cage with the lion in hot pursuit. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help! Help me!" The lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion. The lion says, "Shut up, you idiot or we'll both lose our jobs!"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture of her Christmas Cactus Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shirley Whicker, 24, King, North Carolina Jailed After Molesting 4-Year-Old Boy Shirley Whicker, a 24-year-old North Carolina woman has been jailed after she allegedly molested a 4-year-old relative. According to King police, Whicker was charged on Tuesday in response to an ongoing investigation that involves a 4-year-old boy that is known to her. Investigators have released few details in the case because of the nature of the relationship between Whicker and the victim. She was booked into the Stokes County Jail and charged with two counts each of first-degree sex offense with a child, child abuse through a sexual act and taking indecent liberties with a child. She is now free on $100,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Helen Re: Problem with Hotmail Dear Webby, this is the only copy of humor letter I,ve gotten this week.Can you please tell me why I,m not getting them every day like i used to.I,ve written several times before but haven,t gotten any answers from you. I really miss the humor letter. It's the bright spot on my day. Thank you very much Helen Dear Helen I thought Hotmail was going to get shut down in September? You are not the only hoe mail victim. Do you want a referral for gmail ? It is currently the most reliable amongst the free emails. You can get a Gmail account free even without a referral. Just go to https://accounts.google.com/SignUp?service=mail Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Weighted Flowers for Graveside Displays I needed to add flowers at the cemetery to the vases on each side of the monument. They needed to be weighted down so they wouldn't blow away. So I solved this problem by using some old keys and attached them with wire to the base of the flowers. Problem solved. By fancy61 Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Thanks to Sheila for this story from Down-Under: All I wanted to do was advertise my lawnmower for sale. You'd think that would be quite straightforward. But noooooo, not with The Australian. "Can I take your ad?" the cheerful typist answered when I called the hotline. "Ah, yes, I want to sell my lawnmower," I said. "In the Wanted to Sell section? Certainly, sir. What do you want to say?" she said. fingers obviously ready at her keyboard. "Um, what about "Lawnmower for sale, and then my phone number?" I said. I sensed her apprehension and I heard no typing. "Too much information?" I asked. "No, er, sir...actually, you need probably a few more details to attract prospective buyers," she said. "Concentrate on some of the selling points" "Like what?" I asked. "Well, sir, perhaps you could say what kind of a lawnmower it is." "It's an orange one, or at least it was when I bought it nine years ago. You can still see some bits of orange though between the caked-up dry grass." "No, I'm not sure the color, or even the color it used to be, is all that relevant," she said. "How about telling me what make of lawnmower it is?" "I dunno," I said. "There use to be a model number on the side. I know they don't make them anymore. It's probably still there under all the dried crud, but I can't see it." "Um, let's see," she said. "Maybe you can tell me if it is a two-stroke or a four-stroke engine. Prospective buyers probably would want to know that. "It's neither," I said. "It used to be electric." "Used to be? How do you man sir?" she asked. "I think the engine is shot," I said. "All it does now is go rrrrrrrrrr and blows one of the house fuses." "Oh, that doesn't sound very good," she said. "I know," I said. "I took it to the repair shop, and they said it would cost just as much to fix it as to buy a new one. Thast's why I want to sell it." "I see," she said. "Perhaps a handyman will buy it and do it up more cheaply than the repair shop can." "Yeah, that;s what I reckoned," I said. "I just hope they can fix the wheels too though." "The wheels?" the typist said. "What's wrong with the wheels?" "Nothing," I said. "They're nearly as good as the day I bought the lawnmower. Good tires and they go round and round and round, no worries." "But you said you hoped the buyer could fix them?" she said. "Yeah well, they keep falling off, that's all," I said. "They're good wheels though. If someone fixed them on really tight, they go round and round and round, no worries. Unless of course, the engine is burnt out. The the wheels just seem to sit there doing bugger-all as the lawnmower goes rrrrrrrrr and blows a house fuse. That's not the end of the world though, unless you don't happen to twig what's happening and great-uncle Isaac, whose head you are cryogenically storing in the freezer, begins to thaw out. Could be worse though. The lawnmower engine could suddenly start, unexpectedly, roar into life and you could accidentally run over the power cord and electrocute yourself and short the power circuit at the same time. Then your wife would really have some mess to clean up." "I see," said the typist. "And....er....how much do you want to ask for it?" "As much as I can get, or the nearest offer," I said. How much will this ad cost me? I better factor that in." "Ten dollars a line," she said. "So, what do you reckon I should say in the ad?" I asked, hoping to get some expert advice. "Oh dear, let's see," she said. She coughed. It sounded a bit like a surpressed laughter. "How about just... "Lawnmower for sale" and your phone number?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Are church bulletin board bloopers intentional, to start at least SOME form of communication? Sometimes I wonder. Sermon Outline: I. Delineate your fear II. Disown your fear III. Displace your rear Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch. If you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a check and drip in the collection basket. Nov. 11: An evening of boweling at Lincoln Country Club. Women's Luncheon: Each member bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give the medication. Karen's beautiful solo: "It is Well With My Solo." Congratulations to Tim and Ronda on the birth of their daughter October 12 thru 17. If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly. We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the church building and the rector. Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford." Sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be water baptized on the table in the foyer. Newsletters are not being sent to absentees because of their weight. Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep. The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level of St. Mary's Cathedral. The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the church boared. As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof outing. Fifth Sinday is Lent. Thank you, dead friends. Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding. Lent is a period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits. For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing even to the dividing asunder of soup and spirit. Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men. Bring one dozen coolies wrapped for Christmas. The lovers in the exhaust fan are not working. Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess

» Old Service Stations:

Today, September 13, in
1759 - The French were defeated by the British on the Plains 
 of Abraham in the final French and Indian War.
1789 - The United States Government took out its first loan.
1898 - Hannibal Williston Goodwin patented celluloid 
 photographic film, which is used to make movies.
1922 - In El Azizia, Libya, the highest shade temperature 
 was recorded at 136.4 degrees Fahrenheit.
1943 - Chiang Kai-shek became the president of China.
1959 - The Soviet Union's Luna 2 became the first space probe 
 to reach the moon. It was launched the day before.
1960 - The U.S. Federal Communications Commission banned payola.
1971 - In New York, National Guardsmen stormed the Attica 
 Correctional Facility and put an end to the four-day revolt. 
 A total of 43 people were killed in the final assault. 
1977 - The first American diesel automobiles were 
 introduced by General Motors.
1981 - U.S. Secretary of State Alexander M. Haig said 
 the U.S. had physical evidence that Russia and its 
 allies used poisonous biological weapons in Laos, 
 Cambodia and Afghanistan.
1988 - Forecasters reported that Hurricane Gilbert's 
 barometric pressure measured 26.13. It was the 
 strongest hurricane ever recorded in the Western Hemisphere.
1993 - Israel and Palestine signed their first major 
 agreement. Palestine was granted limited self-government 
 in the Gaza Strip and in Jericho.
1998 - The New York Times closed its Web site after hackers 
 added offensive material.
2001 - U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell named Osama bin 
 Laden as the prime suspect in the terror attacks on the 
 United States on September 11, 2001. Limited commercial 
 flights resumed in the U.S. for the first time in two days.
2013  smiled


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2 Million bikers mobilized in one week! 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, September 12

The 9/11 "Million Muslims March against Discrimination"
got roared over by about 2 Million bikers from Canada and 
almost every US state. 

Whining against discrimination on 9/11 hit a nerve in 
an awful lot of good people in North America.
The US/Canada border evaporated, and anybody, who had a 
bike and could afford the hotels, took off for DC, 
without notice.

The most incredible part of the backlash was the perfect
and lightning fast mobilization. We all know that the 
Government would NOT be able to mobilize TWO MILLION people,
and would not have a snowbal's chance in hell to get 
TWO MILLION people to one awkward spot in the country.

The cops gave up counting bikes when the number went over 
1 Million. "Well over 1 Million bikes, many of them with
a passenger". And it was all organized with practically no 
advance notice, just via newsletters, blogs and Facebook.

Big media, which is predominantly pro-democrat or 
pro-communism, hung back and ignored the build-up, hoping 
this patriotic outburst would fizzle.

When it did not fizzle, but succeeded beyond all expectations,
then the media had to grudgingly acknowledge it.

Bikers, whether they be sweet little old ladies or big, gruff
Vietnam vets or young widows of Afghanistan heroes or people
who have done Route 66, are as a group a lot more patriotic
and loyal to the country, than Toyota Prius driving yuppies
or any other group you care to name.

I wonder if the politicians are aware of the awesome power 
in that group, and the power of the Internet to mobilize
people?

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --- Professor Irwin Corey (1914 - ) Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. --- Robert Benchley (1889 - 1945)
A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. "But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it." "This is my position, and I will not compromise!"
A man and a woman are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car. She says, "Look, its shivering, it must be cold. What should I do?" He says, "Put it between your legs." She says, "What about the smell?" He says, "Awww, just hold its nose." When she hit him with the skunk, it sprayed her.
Discover The Secrets To Building a 50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE with The Performance of a Motorcycle* and SAVE THOUSANDS on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs. Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike using parts available in your garage or online, so you can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in another traffic jam again. * Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting and shopping, not for racing on the freeway. Acceleration off a traffic light is phenomenal with electric bikes!

From a passenger ship, everyone can see a thin bearded man on a small island, shouting and desperately waving his hands. "Who is it on that island?" a passenger asks the captain. "I have no idea, but every year when we pass, he goes nuts."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nikkita Frye, 34, Evansville, Indiana Jailed After Stripping Naked, Attempting To Punch Passing Cars Nikkita Frye, a 34-year-old Indiana woman, was jailed Saturday after she allegedly stripped naked and began attacking cars along Riverside Avenue. According to Evansville police, officers were dispatched to the area after witnesses reported seeing a naked woman that was jumping into traffic and attempting to punch cars as they passed. When officers located Frye a short distance away, she immediately laid on the ground - still without any clothing on. Officers at the scene covered Frye with a jacket until they were able to find her dress and talk her into putting it back on. During questioning, Frye appeared confused and was unable to follow basic instructions. She later told investigators that she had been using cocaine and bath salts prior to the incident. While officers attempted to process the scene, Frye continued to yell at and challenge pedestrians who had gathered nearby to watch the melee. When officers told Frye to stay next to a patrol car, she took an aggressive stance and began smacking her hands together as if she was attempting to provoke a fight with officers. When officers asked her to turn around so they could handcuff her, she resisted and attempted to punch them. Officers responded by taking her to the ground and placing her under arrest. She was booked into the Vanderburgh County Correctional Complex and charged with disorderly conduct, public intoxication and resisting arrest. While that kind of behavior is typical for bath salt users, the use of bath salts does not count as an excuse. The boneheads get charged for what they did, not for what they consumed. Tech Support Pits From: Ellen Re: PayPal split payment Dear Webby, Can I split an invoice into two separae PayPal payments, one to me and one to my partner, by putting another PayPal button onto the Thank-You page? Ellen Dear Ellen Technically you could do that. But when PayPal catches you, then you and your partner will suddenly, without any warning, have no more PayPal accounts, and extreme difficulty getting new ones. PayPal is very easy to get along with, as long as you follow the rules. Their rules are quite clear about that: No split payments. I don't know their exact reasoning for that rule, but I have a hunch they were told by the IRS to be strict about that. That means, YOU have to report the income for the whole amount, file a W9 for your partner, and report paying your partner. You can try it with two totally separate invoices, with absolutely no detectable link between them, but be careful! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Soap For A Stuck Zipper I have found that the easiest way to make a zipper work smoothly is to rub a cake of soap (any kind) along the zipper edges. That zipper with go up and down smoothly. By Mary from MI Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Three Valley Girls were applying for the last available position on the Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So you'd like to be cops?" The Valley Girls all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a file folder. He opened it up, pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features in a suspect." He stuck the photo in the face of the first Valley Girl, and withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now," he said, "Did you notice any distinguishing features about the man?" The Valley Girl immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!" The detective grabbed the photo, shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture. It's a profile of his head. You're dismissed!" The first Valley Girl hung her head and walked out. The detective then turned to the second Valley Girl, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?" "Yes," said the second Valley Girl. "He only has one ear." The detective put his head in his hand and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's head. Of course you can only see one ear. You're excused, too!" The second Valley Girl sheepishly walked out of the office. The detective turned his attention to the third and last Valley Girl and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but let's try this again." He held the photo in front of her for a few seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right. Did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?" The Valley Girl said, "I did. This man wears contact lenses." The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the Valley Girl with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right. His bio says he wears contacts. How in the world could you tell that by looking at this picture?" The Valley Girl rolled her eyes and said, "Duh! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where chicken little tried to warn the farmer. She read, "...And so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "I think he said - "Holy Cow! A talking chicken!"

» Magic Wings

Today, September 12, in
1609 English explorer Henry Hudson sailed down what is now 
 known as the Hudson River.
1814 During the War of 1812, the Battle of North Point 
 was fought in Maryland.
1873 The first practical typewriter was sold to customers.
1878 Patent litigation involving the Bell Telephone Company 
 against Western Union Telegraph Company and Elisha Gray 
 began. The issues were over various telephone patents.
1914 The first battle of Marne ended when the allied forces 
 stopped the German offensive in France.
1916 Adelina and August Van Buren finished the first successful 
 transcontinental motorcycle tour to be attempted by two women. 
 They started in New York City on July 5, 1916.
1918 During World War I, At the Battle of St. Mihiel, U.S.
 Army personnel operate tanks for the first time. The tanks 
 were French-built.
1922 The Episcopal Church removed the word "Obey" from the 
 bride's section of wedding vows.
1938 In a speech, Adolf Hitler demanded self-determination for 
 the Sudeten Germans in Czechoslovakia.
1940 The Lascaux paintings were discovered in France. The 
 cave paintings were 17,000 years old and were some of the 
 best examples of art from the Paleolithic period.
1943 During World War II, Benito Mussolini was taken by 
 German paratroopers from the Italian government that was 
 holding him.
1944 U.S. Army troops entered Germany, near Trier, for the 
 first time during World War II.
1953 U.S. Senator John F. Kennedy married Jacqueline Lee 
 Bouvier.
1954 "Lassie" made its television debut on CBS. The last 
 show aired on September 12, 1971.
1963 The last episode of "Leave it to Beaver" was aired.
1974 Violence occurred on the opening day of classes in 
 Boston, MA, due to opposition to court-ordered school 
 "busing."
1974 Emperor Haile Selassie was taken out of power by 
 Ethiopia's military after ruling for 58 years.
1977 South African anti-apartheid activist Stephen Biko 
 died at the age of 30. The student leader died while 
 in police custody which triggered an international outcry.
1983 Arnold Schwarzenegger became a U.S. citizen. He had 
 emigrated from Austria 14 years earlier.
2009 Steve Jobs announced that Apple's iTunes had 88% of 
the legal U.S. music download market. 
2013  smiled


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Can you do split payments on PayPal? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, September 11
Nobody, except maybe some burocrats in DC, really expected two Million Harleys. I doubt, that there are two Million Harleys in running condition in the entire world. However, there are an awful lot of Yamaha and Honda look-alikes out there in very good running condition, and headed towards DC. By Tuesday mid-afternoon there were about 20,000 riders massing in Virginia. By Wednesday mid morning they expect to see over 50,000. Imagine that sound! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be. --- Kurt Vonnegut (1922 - 2007) The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool. --- Richard Feynman (1918 - 1988)
A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to sound like he knew what he was doing and went out walking with one of the hired hands. Walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation and said, "Say, look at that big bunch of cows over there." The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd.' " "Heard what?" "Herd of cows." "Sure, I've heard of cows. There's a big bunch of 'em right over there."
On one occasion a student burst into his office. "Professor Stigler, I don't believe I deserve this F you've given me." To which Stigler replied, "I agree, but unfortunately it is the lowest grade the University will allow me to award."
Discover The Secrets To Building a 50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE with The Performance of a Motorcycle* and SAVE THOUSANDS on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs. Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike using parts available in your garage or online, so you can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in another traffic jam again. * Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting and shopping, not for racing on the freeway. Acceleration off a traffic light is phenomenal with electric bikes!

Coming out of church, Mrs. Peterson asked her husband, "Do you think that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?" "I didn't even see her," admitted Mr. Peterson. "And that dress Mrs. Hansen was wearing," continued Mrs. Peterson, "Really, don't tell me you think that's the proper costume for a mother of two." "I'm afraid I didn't notice that either," said Mr. Peterson. "Oh, for heaven's sake," snapped Mrs. Peterson. "A lot of good it does YOU to go to church."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award go to Daniel R. Ricketts, 50, Albany County, NY Dopey drunk decapitated by his own booby-trap Albany County Sheriff’s Department reports that a man identified as Daniel R. Ricketts was driving an ATV in the backyard of his property Saturday when was nearly decapitated after running into a fine, nearly invisible wire that was among other booby traps he had set up around four large marijuana plants. The other booby traps included barbed wire and a leg trap similar to something used to trap coyotes. He said alcohol may have been a factor in the accident. Tech Support Pits From: Ellen Re: PayPal split payment Dear Webby, Can I split an invoice into two separae PayPal payments, one to me and one to my partner, by putting another PayPal button onto the Thank-You page? Ellen Dear Ellen Technically you could do that. But when PayPal catches you, then you and your partner will suddenly, without any warning, have no more PayPal accounts, and extreme difficulty getting new ones. PayPal is very easy to get along with, as long as you follow the rules. Their rules are quite clear about that: No split payments. I don't know their exact reasoning for that rule, but I have a hunch they were told by the IRS to be strict about that. That means, YOU have to report the income for the whole amount, file a W9 for your partner, and report paying your partner. You can try it with two totally separate invoices, with absolutely no detectable link between them, but be careful! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Have A Painting Party Have a painting party. When we moved in to our new home, we wanted to get the painting done before moving all the furniture. We supplied the paint and the food. Friends and family had an enjoyable time and the painting got done in no time. By Kim from Franklin Park, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Dave went on a business trip for a few days. When he returned, his wife reported that the dog really missed him. "She spent every night at the front door, awaiting your return," she said. "What an example of true love," Dave replied. "I wonder if you'd be that concerned about me?" "Honey," she answered, ily swinging the cast iron frying pan, "if you were gone overnight, and I didn't know where you were, you can be sure I'd be waiting for you at the front door."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
From Mona I was setting up a large, cast aluminum, decorative sundial in my yard that I had purchased from a garden catalog. A neighbor was leaning on the fence watching my progress and asked, "What the heck's that for?" I explained, "It's a sun dial, see the sun will hit that small triangular spike and cast a shadow on the face of the sundial. Then, as the sun moves across the sky, the shadow also moves across the calibrated dial, enabling a person to determine the correct time." My neighbor shook his head and muttered,. "Huh, what will they think of next?"

» Magic Wings

Today, September 11, in
1297 Scotsman William Wallace defeated the English forces of 
 Sir Hugh de Cressingham at the Battle of Stirling Bridge.
1499 French forces took over Milan, Italy.
1609 Explorer Henry Hudson sailed into New York harbor and 
 discovered Manhattan Island and the Hudson River.
1695 Imperial troops under Eugene of Savoy defeated the Turks 
 at the Battle of Zenta.
1709 An Anglo-Dutch-Austrian force defeated the French in the 
 Battle of Malplaquet.
1714 Spanish and French troops broke into Barcelona and ended 
 Catalonia's sovereignty after 13 months of seige.
1777 American forces, under General George Washington, were 
 forced to retreat at the Battle of Brandywine Creek by 
 British forces under William Howe. The Stars and Stripes 
 (American flag) were carried for the first time in the battle.
1814 The U.S. fleet defeated a squadron of British ships in 
 the Battle of Lake Champlain, VT.
1842 1,400 Mexican troops captured San Antonio, TX. The 
 Mexicans retreated with prisoners.
1855 The siege of Sevastopol ended when French, British and 
 Piedmontese troops captured the main naval base of the 
 Russian Black Sea fleet in the Crimean War.
1875 "Professor Tidwissel's Burglar Alarm" was featured in 
 the New York Daily Graphic and became the first comic strip 
 to appear in a newspaper.
1883 The mail chute was patented by James Cutler. The new 
 device was first used in the Elwood Building in Rochester, NY.
1936 Boulder Dam in Nevada was dedicated by U.S. President 
 Franklin D. Roosevelt by turning on the dam's first 
 hydroelectric generator. The dam is now called Hoover Dam.
1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt gave orders to attack 
 any German or Italian vessels found in U.S. defensive waters. 
 The U.S. had not officially entered World War II at this time.
1941 Charles A. Lindbergh brought on charges of anti-Semitism 
 with a speech in which he blamed "the British, the Jewish and 
 the Roosevelt administration" for trying to draw the United States 
 into World War II.
1941 In Arlington, VA, the groundbreaking ceremony for the 
 Pentagon took place.
1952 Dr. Charles Hufnagel successfully replaced a diseased aorta 
 valve with an artificial valve made of plastic.
1959 The U.S. Congress passed a bill authorizing the creation of 
 food stamps.
1965 The 1st Cavalry Division (Airmobile) arrived in South Vietnam 
 and was stationed at An Khe.
1985 A U.S. satellite passed through the tail of the 
 Giacobini-Zinner comet. It was the first on-the-spot 
 sampling of a comet.
1990 U.S. President Bush vowed "Saddam Hussein will fail" 
 while addressing Congress on the Persian Gulf crisis. In 
 the speech Bush spoke of an objective of a new world order 
 "freer from the threat of terror, stronger in the pursuit 
 of justice, and more secure in the quest for peace".
1991 Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev announced that 
 thousands of troops would be drawn out of Cuba.
1997 Scotland voted to create its own Parliament after 
 290 years of union with England.
1998 Independent counsel Kenneth Starr sent a report to the 
 U.S. Congress accusing President Clinton of 11 possible 
 impeachable offenses.
2001 In the U.S., four airliners were hijacked and were 
 intentionally crashed. Two airliners hit the World Trade 
 Center, which collapsed shortly after, in New York City, 
 NY. One airliner hit the Pentagon in Washington, DC. 
 Another airliner crashed into a field in Pennsylvania. 
 About 3,000 people were killed. 
The world changed that day.
2013  smiled


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How to get a second Gmail address? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, September 10.

Do you remember the "2 Million Bikers to DC Ride"?

The bikers asked for a bit of financial help with permits 
and similar costs. 19 hours later they turned off the 
donations site, because too much money had come in.
Most of the money will be used for NEXT year's ride.

The ride is most definitely ON.

Imagine the sound of 2 Million (or almost 2 Million)
bikes, 4 abreast, from horizon to horizon!

DC granted a non-stop permit to Obamas friends, who have 
changed their name to "Million Muslims Against Fear rally",
probably because they don't expect that many to show up,
but denied a non-stop permit to the bikers. Apparently word 
got around that many of them are Veterans and/or don't seem 
to like Obama.

They wanted to ride an established route, which would have 
taken them past the VietNam Memorial to the Lincoln 
Memorial, across the bridge into Virginia, and that’s it!
With a Non-stop permit, 4 abreast at highway speed, that 
would have been 1 - 2 hours. Without the permit, going slow
and stopping at intersections, it is probably going to 
take more than a day. If anybody has trouble sleeping 
with the noise, tell the bozos, who denied the non-stop 
permit.

Click a LIKE to the bikers on their page:
https://www.facebook.com/2MillionBikersDC

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Literature is an occupation in which you have to keep proving your talent to people who have none. --- Jules Renard (1864 - 1910) Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won't stand up either. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995)
>From Dr Bill: One of my favorite "new priest" tales: The new Priest, Fr. O'Donnell, was being allowed to celebrate mass and preach the sermon on his own for the first time. After the service, his mentor Fr. Murphy was with him for a critique. The good old Priest observed, "You did foine wi' the service lad, and your mass was perfection itself, it was - but you did seem a bit nervous when you were off the page during the announcements -- it's going to be a Taffy Pull at St. Peter's, not the other way around
A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read, "Unique Breakfast" so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. "What's your Unique Breakfast?" he asked inquisitively. "Baked tongue of chicken!" she proudly replied. "Baked tongue of chicken?...baked tongue of chicken! Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!" he fumed. Undaunted, the waitress asked, "What would you like then?" "Just bring me some scrambled eggs," the man replied.
Discover The Secrets To Building a 50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE with The Performance of a Motorcycle* and SAVE THOUSANDS on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs. Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike using parts available in your garage or online, so you can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in another traffic jam again. * Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting and shopping, not for racing on the freeway. Acceleration off a traffic light is phenomenal with electric bikes!

Thanks to Lilly for this story: I have changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie." However, I used to get very frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes. If you look in my freezer now you'll see a whole new set of labels. You'll find dinners with neat, legible tags that say: "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or "Food." My frustration is reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it will be there waiting.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robert Pry, 21. Jonesboro, Arkansas Air Duster Brain Fry Reported by the Weekly Vice Robert Pry, a 21-year-old Arkansas bonehead, was jailed Sunday after he allegedly spent the night inside a Kmart huffing 16 cans of air duster. According to Jonesboro Police, officers were dispatched to a local Kmart store early Sunday morning after employees found Pry dead asleep inside a storage room. Officers arrived to find two feet sticking out from a cubby hole underneath a set of stairs. Those feet belonged to Pry, who was covered with his own urine and vomit. Pry told officers that he entered the store just before closing time and hid out until the employees left. That's when he commenced huffing 16 cans of air duster. The empty cans were found scattered about the room where Pry was found unconscious. Pry also stated that he borrowed a friend's truck, drove to a nearby Walmart, and purchased $100 worth of air duster. Officers located the truck where they found several more empty air duster cans. Investigators say Pry spent "all of his money" on air duster, but wanted more. He later told police that he was "addicted to huffing." Pry was taken to a local hospital before he was booked into the Craighead County Detention Center. He was charged with commercial burglary, theft, inhaling intoxicating compounds and failure to appear. His bond has been set at $1,700. ---------- Now you know why I get hostile, when somebody suggests using air duster for blowing dirt from easily accessible places to harder to get to places. Kids and idiots have heard about huffing and want to experiment. Huffing is not always deadly, unless they use plastic bags to concentrate the gas, but it sure does not improve their intelligence! Tech Support Pits From: Denise Re: Second Gmail account Dear Webby, Can you help me find out how to get a new account with gmail, please? I would like to advertise some items and don't wish to use this account. Thank you Denise Dear Denise Go to https://accounts.google.com/SignUp?service=mail and create a new account. It will not be linked to your regular account. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Acetone to Save Dried Out Nail Polish An easy way to save your dried out nail polish is using a small amount of acetone or nail polish remover. Take an eye dropper and get a small amount of acetone. Source: my mom and the girl who does my nails By ciarappp12 Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The teacher asked little Johnny, "Can you name four shooting stars?" Little Johnny said, "Ah shore can! Wyatt Earp, Annie Oakley, Buffalo Bill, and John Wayne."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman. "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. "No peer pressure" she responded.

» Radiant Pictures

Today, September 10, in
1608 John Smith was elected president of the Jamestown, VA 
 colony council.
1813 The first defeat of British naval squadron occurred 
 in the Battle of Lake Erie during the War of 1812. The 
 leader of the U.S. fleet sent the famous message "We have 
 met the enemy, and they are ours" to U.S. General William 
 Henry Harrison.
1845 King Willem II opened Amsterdam Stock exchange.
1846 Elias Howe received a patent for his sewing machine.
1862 Rabbi Jacob Frankel became the first Jewish Army chaplain.
1897 British police arrest George Smith for drunken driving. 
 It was the first DWI.
1899 A second quake in seven days hit Yakutat Bay, AK. 
 It measured 8.6.
1913 The Lincoln Highway opened. It was the first paved 
 coast-to-coast highway in the U.S.
1919 New York City welcomed home 25,000 soldiers and 
 General John J. Pershing who had served in the First 
 Division during World War I.
1919 Austria and the Allies signed the Treaty of 
 St.Germain-en-Laye. Austria recognized the independence 
 of Poland, Hungary, Czechoslovakia and Yugoslavia.
1921 The Ayus Autobahn in Germany opened near Berlin. 
 The road is known for its nonexistent speed limit.
1923 The Irish Free state joined the League of Nations.
1926 Germany joined the League of Nations.
1939 Canada declared war on Germany.
1940 In Britain, Buckingham Palace was hit by German bomb.
1942 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt mandated gasoline 
 rationing as part of the U.S. wartime effort.
1943 German forces began their occupation of Rome
1951 Britain began an economic boycott of Iran.
1953 Swanson began selling its first "TV dinner."
1955 "Gunsmoke" premiered on CBS.
1956 Great Britain performed a nuclear test at Maralinga, 
 Australia.
1963 Twenty black students entered public schools in Alabama 
 at the end of a standoff between federal authorities and 
 Alabama governor George C. Wallace.
1979 U.S. President Carter granted clemency to four Puerto 
 Rican nationalists who had been imprisoned for an attack 
 on the U.S. House of Representatives in 1954 and an 
 attempted assassination of U.S. President Truman in 1950.
1989 Hungary gave permission to thousands of East German 
 refugees and visitors to immigrate to West Germany.
1990 Iran agreed to resume full diplomatic ties with 
 past enemy Iraq.
1990 Iraq's Saddam Hussein offered free oil to developing 
 nations in an attempt to win their support during the Gulf War Crisis.
1998 U.S. President Clinton met with members of his Cabinet 
 to apologize, ask forgiveness and promise to improve as a 
 person in the wake of the scandal involving Monica Lewinsky.
2002 Florida tested its new elections system. The test 
 resulted in polling stations opening late and problems 
 occurred with the touch screen voting machines.
2002 The "September 11: Bearing Witness to History" exhibit 
 opened at the Smithsonian's National Museum of 
 American History.
2002 Switzerland became the 190th member of the United Nations. 
2013  smiled


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Trojan Horse Dropper 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, September 9.



Today, September 5, I have to go for injections into my 
eyeballs. That means, there won't be any newsletters
sent out on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.


Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Literature is an occupation in which you have to keep proving your talent to people who have none. --- Jules Renard (1864 - 1910) In politics, absurdity is not a handicap. --- Napoleon Bonaparte People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest. --- Hermann Hesse
CHANGING A LIGHT BULB How many people does it take to change a light bulb? Charismatic : Only 1 Hands are already in the air. Pentecostal : 10 One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness. Presbyterians : None Lights will go on and off at predestined times. Roman Catholic : None Candles only. Baptists : At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken Episcopalians: 3 One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was. Mormons : 5 One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it. Unitarians : We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light ....blah, blah, blah Methodists : Undetermined Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass. Nazarene : 6 One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy. Lutherans: None Lutherans don't believe in change. Amish : What's a light bulb? Rastafarians : You got a light, man ? God: Let there be light.
Thanks to Hilde for this story: The students in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears. "Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes." "Did it hurt?" "Just a little." "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun." Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, "Did they get both ears with one shot? And how far away did they stand?"
Discover The Secrets To Building a 50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE with The Performance of a Motorcycle* and SAVE THOUSANDS on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs. Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike using parts available in your garage or online, so you can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in another traffic jam again. * Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting and shopping, not for racing on the freeway.

A little boy was taken to the dentist. The dentist discovered that the boy had a cavity that needed to be filled. "Now, young man," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?" The little boy replied, "Chocolate, please."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kristine Johnson, 20, Orlando, Floriduh Sprang A Leak, And Gave Everyone A Peek Reported by the Weekly Vice Kristine Johnson, a 20-year-old Florida woman, was jailed Thursday after she allegedly stripped naked inside a UCF parking garage and went on a mini-rampage. According to police, officers were dispatched to Parking Garage H on the University of Central Florida campus Thursday night where they found Johnson stripped naked from the waist down. Investigators say Johnson urinated on a walkway and was attempting to pick fights with several people who passed by her. Johnson allegedly became combative with officers, refusing their commands and slapping them away when they attempted to restrain her. She also continued to curse, yell and pick fights with people passing by. She was booked into jail and charged with battery on a law enforcement officer, resisting arrest, exposure of sexual organs and disorderly intoxication. Johnson was also issued a trespassing warning from UCF officials because she is not affiliated with the school. Tech Support Pits From: Trish Re: Trojan Horse Dropper Dear Webby, Not sure if I have a serious problem on my 'precious computer' or not. Thought you would be able to set my mind at rest or scare me even more than I am. I only have AVG free at the moment but as I'm going to get a new 'precious computer' soon haven't upgraded to AVG Premium (or whatever it's called you pay for) or another virus program. AVG is telling me that I have Trojan horse Dropper. Generic8.BWEN and that it is in a game called Text Twist2 that I have had on my computer for at least 3 years. I downloaded this game from a reputable source originally. Why would it suddenly be infected with the above?. I do use my computer to do some bank transactions so I'm a bit nervous now. Thanks in advance, Trish Dear Trish Obviously your AVG did not stop that Trojan from entering your machine. Those free Anti Malware programs are worth about as much as you pay for them. Just get a reputable Anti Malware program like McAfee or kasperski, and get rid of that infection. When you get a new computer, you can install the Anti Malware program on that. It is good for 3 machines anyway. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hang Shirts Directly From Washer I save time and money in the laundry room THIS way. When I take my clothes from the washer I hang almost all of the shirts on hangers, button the top bottom on button-downs, straighten the collars, tug on the sleeves, pull and smooth etc. From there, I either hang them on over-the-door hooks or on the wash line if the day is nice (even the shower rod is good if there aren't too many hangers to weigh the rod). When dry, they can be put straight into each person's closet. I also pay attention to the direction clothes are hung in each closet and hang the wet shirts accordingly so I don't have to re-hang them later. By Brenda from Deltona, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Dave One of my daughter's wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she and her husband tried it out. Almost immediately, smoke billowed out of the toaster. "Get the owner's manual!" her husband shouted. "I can't find it anywhere!" she cried, searching through the box. "Oops!" came a voice from the kitchen. "Well, the toast is fine, but the owner's manual is burnt to a crisp."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The local parish had a fairly new priest. He had wonderful, innovative ideas that were, for the most part accepted by the congregation. His mentor - a "higher ranking" priest came for a visit - to see how he was doing. After looking the parish over, the senior priest said, "Father John, your idea of a drive through confessional is wonderful. That makes it so convenient for your church members. And, Father John, it was a really good idea to have the confessional open 24 hours a day, for those who work shift work. However, Father John... that flashing neon sign that says "TOOT and TELL or GO to HELL" ... well, it has GOT TO GO!!

» Solar Flares

Today, September 9, in
490 B.C. The Battle of Marathon took place between the 
 invading Persian army and the Athenian Army. 
1776 The second Continental Congress officially made the 
 term "United States"
1836 Abraham Lincoln received his license to practice law.
1850 California became the 31st state to join the union.
1904 Mounted police were used for the first time in the 
 City of New York.
1911 Italy declared war on the Ottoman Turks and annexed 
 Libya, Tripolitania, and Cyrenaica in North Africa.
1919 The majority of Boston's police force went on strike. 
 The force was made up of 1,500 men.
1919 Alexander Graham Bell and Casey Baldwin's HD-4, a 
 hydrofoil craft, set a world marine speed record.
1942 Japan dropped incendiaries in an attempt to set fire 
 to the forests in Oregon and Washington. The forest did 
 not ignite.
1948 North Korea became the People's Democratic Republic 
 of Korea.
1965 French President Charles de Gaulle announced that France 
 was withdrawing from NATO to protest the domination of the 
 U.S. in the organization.
1983 The Soviet Union announced that the Korean jetliner that
 they shot down on September 1, 1983 was not an accident or 
 an error.
1986 Frank Reed was taken hostage in Lebanon by pro-Iranian 
 kidnappers. The director of a private school in Lebanon was 
 released 44 months later.
1986 Gennadiy Zakharov was indicted by a New York jury on 
 espionage charges. Zakharov was a Soviet United Nations 
 employee.
1994 The U.S. agreed to accept about 20,000 Cuban immigrants 
 a year. This was in return for Cuba's promise to halt the 
 flight of refugees.
1998 Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr delivered to the U.S. 
 Congress 36 boxes of material concerning his investigation 
 of U.S. President Clinton.
2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 100 million applications 
 downloaded.
2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 1.8 billion applications 
 downloaded. 
2013  smiled


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How difficult are postcards? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, September 5.


Today, September 5, I have to go for injections into my 
eyeballs. That means, there won't be any newsletters
sent out on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Thanks to Gary for this link to arctic ice. The barge operators
are not scheming to get research grants. They just want
to get back to Tuk before freeze-up.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Some cupid kills with arrows, some with traps. --- William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616) Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
A couples happy married life almost went on the rocks because of the presence in the household of old Aunt Emma. For seventeen long years she lived with them, always crotchety, always demanding. Finally the old girl died. On the way back from the cemetery, the husband confessed to his wife, "Darling, if I didn't love you so much, I don't think I would have put up with having your Aunt Emma in the house all those years." His wife looked at him aghast. "My Aunt Emma!" she cried. "I thought she was your Aunt Emma!"
MONDAY: For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 555-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap. TUESDAY Notice: We regret having erred In R.D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 555-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M." WEDNESDAY Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 555-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him." THURSDAY Notice: I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 555-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper but she quit!
Discover The Secrets To Building a 50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE with The Performance of a Motorcycle* and SAVE THOUSANDS on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs. Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike using parts available in your garage or online, so you can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in another traffic jam again. * Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting and shopping, not for racing on the freeway.

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?" "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed. Then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship! "Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution." The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?" There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered. Let the orgy begin! AMEN!!"
Thanks to Sue for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Juvenile Mourning Dove
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Quacheena Juett, 33, Fort Lauderdale, Floriduh Jailed After Sicking 12-year-Old Daughter On Gas Pump Patron Who Wasn't Moving Fast Enough Reported by the Weekly Vice Quacheena Juett, a 33-year-old Florida woman, was jailed after she allegedly told her 12-year-old daughter to punch another woman at a gas pump, because that woman wasn't moving fast enough. According to police, Juett was parked behind another woman at a gas pump when she began yelling at the woman to hurry up and move her car. When the woman refused to move her car out of the way fast enough, Juett instructed her daughter "to handle that" at which time the 12-year-old punched the victim in the face with a closed fist. The victim reportedly moved towards her car to grab her cell phone, however, Juett ran to the victim's car and grabbed the cell phone before fleeing the scene with her daughter. Fort Lauderdale police used the phone's GPS technology and video surveillance to identify Juett and track down her current residence. She was taken into custody a short time later, but not before she managed to pawn the cell phone for cash. Juett was booked into jail and charged with burglary, battery, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, resisting arrest without violence, dealing in stolen property and probation violation. She remains held pending a bond hearing, which might be delayed considering her probation violation. Tech Support Pits From: Armond Re: How difficult are postcards? Dear Webby, I have been told that the only way I can increase traffic to my site is to either pay through the nose for ads, or set up postcards to attract visitors. How difficult is it to set up postcards? Armond Dear Armond If you are web literate and don't freak out at the sight of naked HTML, it's easy. You get the templates and simply replace the picture names. Instead of sample1.jpg you put in doggie1.jpg, and so on. You DO need to have your own pictures. Otherwise your site would be the same as others, and no reason for anybody to go to yours. Pick a narrow topic, that is of interest to YOUR potential clients, and build the site that has the best collection of pictures in THAT narrow topic. Then you will get plenty of targeted visitors quickly. To get the free templates, go to http://mypostcards.com/pro/ Start with the PRO. Not because it is cheap, but because it is very basic, without all the fancy options. That way you will easily see and understand the concept. You can always upgrade at any time, without losing your previous work. The only real challenge is finding pictures, that will be sent by YOUR target audience to others, who might be interested in your goods. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bath Gel To Clean Tub Rings I use bath gel to clean bathtub rings. I get a cheap one or use one I have but don't like. This works much better than gritty cleansers, etc. By Monica from northeast PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
After one of the machines at work suddenly went on the fritz, our boss called the repair service and asked to speak to the manager, Ahmed. "Hello, Ed speaking. How can I help you?" said the guy who answered the phone. "Sorry," said my boss. "I was looking for Ahmed." "This is Ahmed," came the reply. "How can I help you?" "I thought you just said your name was Ed?" asked my boss. "It is. But whenever I say 'Ahmed,' people think I'm saying, 'I'm Ed.' So I figured it's just easier to be Ed."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Jill complained to Nina, "Rosey told me that you told her the secret I told you not to tell her." "Well," replied Nina in a hurt tone, "I told her not to tell you I told her." "Oh dear!" sighed Jill. "Well, don't tell her I told you that she told me."

» Glow Worms

Today, September 5, in
1698 Russia's Peter the Great imposed a tax on beards.
1793 In France, the "Reign of Terror" began. The National 
 Convention enacted measures to repress the French 
 Revolutionary activities.
1836 Sam Houston was elected as the first president of 
 the Republic of Texas.
1877 Sioux chief Crazy Horse was killed by the bayonet 
 of a U.S. soldier. The chief allegedly resisted confinement 
 to a jail cell.
1881 The American Red Cross provided relief for disaster 
 for the first time. The disaster was the Great Fire of 
 1881 in Michigan.
1900 France proclaimed a protectorate over Chad.
1905 The Treaty of Portsmouth was signed by Russia and 
 Japan to end the Russo-Japanese War.
1914 The Battle of the Marne began. The Germans, British 
 and French fought for six days killing half a million people.
1917 Federal raids were carried out in 24 cities on 
 International Workers of the World (IWW) headquarters. 
 The raids were prompted by suspected anti-war activities 
 within the labor organization.
1930 Charles Creighton and James Hagris completed the drive 
 from New York City to Los Angeles and back to New York City 
 all in reverse gear. The trip took 42 days in their 
 1929 Ford Model A.
1939 The U.S. proclaimed its neutrality in World War II.
1945 Iva Toguri D'Aquino was arrested. D'Aquino was 
 suspected of being the wartime radio propagandist 
 "Tokyo Rose". She served six years and was later 
 pardoned by U.S. President Ford.
1953 The first privately operated atomic reactor opened in 
 Raleigh, NC.
1958 Boris Pasternak's "Doctor Zhivago" was published for 
 the first time in the U.S.
1960 Cassius Clay of Louisville, KY, won the gold medal in 
 light heavyweight boxing at the Olympic Games in Rome, 
 Italy. Clay later changed his name to Muhammad Ali.
1961 The U.S. government made airline hijacking a federal 
 offense.
1980 The St. Gothard Tunnel opened in Switzerland. It is 
 the world's longest highway tunnel at 10.14 miles long.
1982 Eddie Hill set a propeller-driven boat water speed 
 record when he reached 229 mph.
1983 U.S. President Reagan denounced the Soviet Union for 
 shooting down a Korean Air Lines. Reagan demanded that 
 the Soviet Union pay reparations for the act that killed 
 269 people.
1984 Mortimer Zuckerman purchased the newsmagazine, 
 "U.S. News & World Report" for $163 million.
1985 Rioting in South Africa spilled into white 
 neighborhoods for the first time.
1986 NASA launched DOD-1.
1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein urged for a Holy War 
 against the West and former allies.
1992 A General Motors Corporation strike ended with a 
 new agreement being approved. Nearly 43,000 workers 
 were on strike.
1995 France set off an underground nuclear blast in the 
 South Pacific.
2013  smiled


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Stretched pictures 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, September 4.

Thank you, Svend!

On Thursday, September 5, I have to go for injections
into my eyeballs. That means, there won't be any newsletters
sent out on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Thanks to Gary for this link to arctic ice.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

There is nothing more dreadful than imagination without taste. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs? --- Spike Milligan
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, "My Mummy looked back once, while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into Mrs Haggarty's outhouse!"

Last day for this link!
The First Cookbook Made For Getting Your Best Body With All Natural Foods. Discover The Delicious Body Sculpting Secrets That A Top Bikini Model Uses To Make Healthy Food Taste Great Without Damaging Additives! Get the Bikini Model Cookbook now!

The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head, for a moment, before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages, "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon." "How come He doesn't do it?" she asked.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rachelle Gendron, 27, Fitchburg, Mass. Sex Education Teacher - Jailed After Repeatedly Having Sex With Student Reported by the Weekly Vice Rachelle Gendron, a 27-year-old sex education teacher at North Central Charter Essential School, has been jailed after she allegedly had sex with a 14-year-old student. According to police, Gendron lured a student into a sexual relationship by sending him photographs of herself in various states of undress. Prosecutors noted that Gendron's breasts and genitals were exposed in the photographs. Gendron then had sex with the student three times in October 2012, once in January 2013 and another time in March 2013. Investigators say dozens of explicit text messages along with the photographs were recovered from the victim's phone and have now been secured as evidence. Gendron, who lives with her parents, taught at the school for five years. School officials announced Gendron's termination from her position shortly after her arrest. She was booked into jail and charged with rape aggravated by age difference and enticing a person under 16. She was released after posting a $2,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Darlene Re: Elongated pictures Dear Webby Love your Humor letter especially the tech help. You gave some advise on making things larger including pictures, can't remember when you gave it, I followed the instructions and things are larger. But my pictures are all elongated and another thing happened at the same time. When ever I hit my mouse it makes a loud click from my desktop when I change pages. Also on my IM the sub-titles across the top are like high lighted. What did I do wrong and how do I go back to the way it was? Thank you Darlene Dear Darlene The reason your pictures appear elongated is probably that you chose a setting intended for a wide aspect ratio monitor. Right-click on the desktop, Properties Settings and in there try different resolutions. I use 1600 x 1200. That looks fine on my monitor ( 14 1/2" x 10 3/4" viewing area ), and when I design a 5" x 6" ad, it measures precisely 5" x 6" on the screen. So, play with the resolution settings until you find one that suits your monitor and your eyes. Re the mouse click, you can set that in the Control Panel, Mouse. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Aluminum Foil For Cleaning Your Iron In the 40's, mom rubbed aluminum foil on the iron to clean it. By Dahl_Kaiser Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Frivolous lawsuits have led to lots of wacky labels: A warning label found on a baby stroller cautions the user to "Remove child before folding" A prescription of sleeping pills says, "Warning: May cause drowsiness A massage chair warns: "DO NOT use massage chair without clothing.... and, Never force any body part into the backrest area while the rollers are moving." A snowblower warns: "Do not use snowthrower on roof.²" Awwww, why not? You can throw snow a lot further from up high! A dishwasher carries this warning: "Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher." A label on a hand-held massager advises consumers not to use "while sleeping or unconscious" A household iron warns users: "Never iron clothes while they are being worn" A label with a hair dryer reads, "Never use hair dryer while sleeping" A 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow warns: "Not intended for highway use" A cardboard car sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard warns, "Do not drive with sunshield in place" A Bathroom Heater says: "This product is not to be used in bathrooms" A popular manufactured fireplace log warns: "Caution - Risk of Fire" A box of birthday cake candles says: "DO NOT use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Her: "How's your history paper coming?" Him: "Well, my history professor suggested that I use the Internet for research and it's been very helpful. Her: "Really?" Him: "Yes! So far I've located 17 people who sell them!"

» Tropical Edibles

Today, September 4, in
0476 Romulus Augustulus, the last emperor of the western 
 Roman Empire, was deposed when Odoacer proclaimed himself 
 King of Italy.
1609 English navigator Henry Hudson began exploring the 
 island of Manhattan.
1781 Los Angeles, CA, was founded by Spanish settlers. The 
 original name was "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora La Reina 
 de Los Angeles de Porciuncula," which translates as 
 "The Town of the Queen of Angels."
1882 Thomas Edison's Pearl Street electric power station 
 began operations in New York City. It was the first 
 display of a practical electrical lighting system.
1886 Geronimo, and the Apache Indians he led, surrendered 
 in Skeleton Canyon in Arizona to Gen. Nelson Miles.
1888 George Eastman registered the name "Kodak" and 
 patented his roll-film camera. The camera took 100 
 exposures per roll.
1894 A strike in New York City by 12,000 tailors took 
 place to protest sweatshops.
1899 An 8.3 earthquake hit Yakutat Bar, AK.
1917 The American expeditionary force in France suffered 
 its first fatalities in World War I.
1923 The first American dirigible, the "Shenandoah," 
 began its maiden voyage in Lakehurst, NJ.
1944 At the end of World War II, British troops entered 
 the city of Antwerp, Belgium.
1957 The Ford Motor Company began selling the Edsel. The 
 car was so unpopular that it was taken off the market 
 only two years later.
1967 Michigan Gov. George Romney said during a TV interview 
 that he had undergone "brainwashing" by U.S. officials 
 while visiting Vietnam in 1965.
1972 Swimmer Mark Spitz captured his seventh Olympic gold 
 medal in the 400-meter medley relay event at Munich, 
 Germany. Spitz was the first Olympian to win seven 
 gold medals.
1981 The Soviet Union began war games with about 100,000 
 troops on the Polish border.
1989 A reconnaissance satellite was released by the Air 
 Force's Titan Three rocket. The Titan Three set over 
 200 satellites into space between 1964 and 1989.
1998 In Mexico, bankers stopped approving personal loans 
 and mortgages.
1998 The International Monetary Fund approved a $257 million 
 loan for the Ukraine.
1999 The United Nations announced that the residents of 
 East Timor had overwhelmingly voted for independence from 
 Indonesia in a referendum held on August 30. In Dili, 
 pro-Indonesian militias attacked independence supporters, 
 burned buildings, blew up bridges and destroyed 
 telecommunication facilities.
2003 Keegan Reilly, 22, became the first parapalegic climber 
 to reach the peak of Japan's Mount Fuji.
2013  smiled


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Zoom web pages without a mouse 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, September 3.

On Thursday, September 5, I have to go for injections
into my eyeballs. That means, there won't be any newsletters
sent out on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

This one is quoted VERY often: Never confuse movement with action. --- Ernest Hemingway That is the greatest fallacy, the wisdom of old men. They do not grow wise. They grow careful. --- Ernest Hemingway
Thanks to Chris for this story: My son, Mitchell, a kindergartner, practices spelling with magnetic letters on the refrigerator: cat, dog, dad, and mom have been proudly displayed for all to see. One morning while getting ready for the day, Mitchell bounded into the room with his arms outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic letters: "G"-"O"-"D." "Look what I spelled, Mom!" Mitch exclaimed, a proud smile on his face. "That's wonderful!" I praised him. "Now go put them on the fridge so Dad can see when he gets home tonight." That Catholic education is certainly having an impact, I thought, happily. Just then, a little voice called from the kitchen. "Mom? How do you spell 'zilla?"
Thanks to ***** for this story: I decide to clean off the front patio. I start to the patio and notice mail on the desk that needs to be taken down to the Post Office. OK, I'm going to the Post Office . . . BUT FIRST I'm going to go through the mail that was delivered. I lay the car keys down on desk. After discarding the junk mail, I notice the trash can is full. OK, I'll just put the bills on my desk . . . BUT FIRST I'll take the trash out. But since I'm going to be near the mailbox, I'll address a few bills. Yes, Now where is the checkbook? Oops.. there's only one check left. Where did I put the extra checks? Oh, there is my empty coffee cup from last night on my desk. I'm going to look for those checks. BUT FIRST I need to put the cup back in the kitchen. I start to head for the kitchen and look out at my balcony, notice the flowers need a drink of water because of the extreme heat. I put the cup on the counter and there's my extra pair of glasses on the kitchen counter. What are they doing here? I'll just put them away. BUT FIRST need to water those plants. I head for the door and... Aaaagh! Someone left the TV remote on the wrong spot. Okay, I'll put the remote away and water the plants on my balcony. BUT FIRST I need to find those checks. END OF DAY: The patio has not been cleaned, bills still unpaid, cup still on the counter, checkbook still has only one check left, lost my car keys. And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because...., I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY! I realize this condition is serious. I should get help. BUT FIRST . . . I think I'll check my e-mail. ---------- AAADD ? or maybe Emailitis ?
ONE more day only!
The First Cookbook Made For Getting Your Best Body With All Natural Foods. Discover The Delicious Body Sculpting Secrets That A Top Bikini Model Uses To Make Healthy Food Taste Great Without Damaging Additives! Get the Bikini Model Cookbook now!

As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. "Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, estimated to be 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour a few Million years ago, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep." From the cabin, a passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the highway!"
In case you were not able to see the picture and link yesterday, try Oilfield Dodge 1920 Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tomeka Oliver, 39, Cincinatti, Ohio After Showing Up To Court Appearance Posing As Her 22-Year-Old Daughter Reported by the Weekly Vice Tomeka Oliver, a 39-year-old Ohio woman, was jailed Friday after she showed up for a court appearance posing as her 22-year-old daughter. According to police, 22-year-old Sarah Oliver was scheduled to appear in court after she was caught driving without a license. Instead, Sarah's mother, Tomeka Oliver showed up to court and pretended to be her daughter. The judge - who needs to start keeping his eye appointments - fined the woman $50 for driving without a license and then sent her on her way. When someone from the courtroom told the judge that the defendant didn't look like any 22-year-old they had ever seen before, the judge ordered Oliver back into the courtroom. The court quickly determined that the defendant was actually the real defendant's 39-year-old mother. Oliver was immediately cited for contempt of court and jailed until September 20. The judge also ordered a warrant for Sarah Oliver's arrest. Tech Support Pits From: Walter Re: Zoom without mouse Hi Dear Webby, how about mentioning that those of us with laptops and no auxiliary keyboard can accomplish the same thing by using CTRL and the respective - or + keys. Be well, live long, and prosper, Walter Dear Walter I guess you meant "without a mouse". Personally, I feel really sorry for any laptop users, who don't have a mouse yet. Any mouse, wired or wireless, can be used with any laptop made in the last 20 years. In case your mouse died or you forgot it at home or the last hotel, then Walter's advice will come in handy, CTRL and the Plus or Minus will accomplish the same. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning a Computer Use eyeglass cleaner to dust of the monitor and use a damp Q-tip between the keys. Use a feather duster to give it a dust, lightly over all. This works for me. You can't use anything strong on the monitor. By Evelyn from Detroit, MI Eyeglass cleaner is fine, so is window cleaner, dish-water and SimpleGreen in a sprayer. For the keyboard a damp, not quite dripping, shower sponge works best. That's the type of soft sponge, that is, or looks like a natural sponge. Dip it into clean dish-water, wring it a bit, so that it does not drip, and wiggle it over all your keyboards. Naturally you unplug your keyboards for that. You don't have to shut down, just unplug the keyboard. To dry them, any fuzzy towel will work fine. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A judge is at lunch one hot summer day and orders coffee with his meal. His companion says, "In this weather, you ought to order iced drinks, Judge -- sharp, iced drinks. Have you ever tried a gin and tonic?" "No," says the judge. "But I have tried many men who have."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
President Calvin Coolidge was notorious for his reluctance to talk. One Sunday he went to church by himself, and when he returned to the White House, his wife asked, "Was the sermon good?" "Yes," the President told her. "What was it about?" she asked. "Sin." "What did the minister say?" "Seems to be against it."

» Tropical Edibles

Today, September 3, in
1189 England's King Richard I was crowned in Westminster.
1783 The Revolutionary War between the U.S. and Great Britain 
 ended with the Treaty of Paris.
1935 Sir Malcolm Campbell became the first person to drive 
 an automobile over 300 miles an hour. He reached 304.331 MPH 
 on the Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah.
1939 British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain, in a radio 
 broadcast, announced that Britain and France had declared war 
 on Germany.
1943 Italy was invaded by the Allied forces during World War II.
1954 "The Lone Ranger" was heard on radio for the final time after 
 2,956 episodes over a period of 21 years.
1967 Nguyen Van Thieu was elected president of South Vietnam 
 under a new constitution.
1967 In Sweden, motorists stopped driving on the left side of the 
 road and began driving on the right side.
1976 The U.S. spacecraft Viking 2 landed on Mars. The unmanned 
 spacecraft took the first close-up, color photos of the planet's 
 surface.
1981 Egypt arrested more than 1,500 opponents of the government.
1989 The U.S. began shipping military aircraft and weapons, 
 worth $65 million, to Columbia in its fight against drug 
 lords.
1994 Russia and China announced that they would no longer be 
 targeting nuclear missiles or using force against each other.
1999 Mario Lemieux's ownership group officially took over the 
 National Hockey League's Pittsburgh Penguins. Lemieux became 
 the first player in the modern era of sports to buy the team 
 he had once played for.
2013  smiled


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