Good Morning,  !

It's Saturday,  December 5, 2009

When I was a kid, living in the mountains of Austria, this was the
day when St Nicolas came by, accompanied by a scary devil.

It struck me as a bit incongruous that they showed up in a beat
up old Volkswagen Beetle, but the roar of the big huge devil
quickly had me quaking in my socks, and when one smite of
St Nicolas's bishop's staff made the devil cringe and whimper,
I was duly impressed!

However, when St Nicholas started reading the long list of 
my sins, the devil cheered up and eagerly rattled his chains.
He did hit and cuff me around a bit, but kindly St Nicholas
stopped him, before things got out of hand.

After a solemn promise to improve my behavior, they made me
stand outside the front door, while they did their number on 
my sister.

She was still sniffling when dad called me inside again.
This time St Nicolas was really beaming and he mentioned
a few token good things I had done. Then he pulled a nicely
decorated pillow case from under his robe and started
dispensing glazed gingerbread, cookies, pear-bread, a chocolate
and an orange. For a mountain kid in post-war Austria, that
was eye popping STUFF!

I barely noticed when Dad escorted them out and handed them
the bottle of the medicinal Schnaps from the pantry. St Nicolas
and the devil took a good swig from the bottle and an envelope
dad gave them, and roared away in their old Volkswage Beetle.

At the time it all made sense, and was truly impressive.

As the fear of the devil waned, it was replaced with the threat
of being sent to Jagdberg, a juvenile jail / reform school, in
a scary looking old castle with skyhigh walls.

Then in University, a professor asked for a volunteer to be
Santa at Jagdberg, staring straight at me. 
Duh, yeah, OK, if nobody else ....

They couldn't find a devil, so I had to go alone. 
They gave me the suit and wig and beard, and the directions.
That was the year when Santa showed up on a motorcycle.

The staff there noticed my nervousness, so they gave me some
medicinal Schnaps first, and a few basic instructions.
After the first class they gave me more Schnaps and a few
hints with the stack of papers, one per inmate for the next class.
Then I got into the swing of things, roared like the devil of my
childhood when reading a student's misbehaviors, and smiled
like a proud grandpa, when praising them for their 
accomplishments.

Around midnight I had finished with all the inmates, and kinda 
faked it with the staff. (I didn't have any good/bad lists for the
staff and had to make them up.)

Then they gave me a sandwich and a big mug of coffee for my
parched throat and ushered me out.
Still in the Santa Suit I hopped on my bike and roared homewards,
well, to my girlfriend's place anyway, and just as the sky turned
light in the East, I did make it home. I briefly paused at the entrance,
where I had seen my first Santa. Life had come full circle.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time;
it is regret for the things we did not do that is
inconsolable."
--- Sydney J. Harris


One day, Jean-Claude decided to take a trip from
Montreal (where he lived) to that great city of
Boston.. He went to the airport to buy a ticket and
found out the cost was $200 one-way.

Well Jean-Claude only had $110 on him. But he saw a
sign saying half-fare for persons under 18. Well, now
Jean-Claude had just turned 18 three months ago so he
lied..a bit. And got a ticket for $100.

Well during the flight, he talking with the passenger
seated next to him. And, in the course of their little
chat, he boisterously mentioned the 18th birthday party
his friends had for him. Since Jean-Claude talked
fairly loudly, a stewardess happened to over-hear
that part of the conversation and remembered from the
passenger list that Jean-Claude had only paid
half-fare. A few minutes later, the stewardess asked
Jean-Claude if he had $50 with him.

Jean-Claude, slightly embarrassed, replied, "I only
have $10, enough for a bus and a coffee after we arrive
in Boston..  Why you ask?"

Stewardess:"I wanted to know if you wanted to buy this
used parachute."

Jean-Claude, "What for?"
Stewardess, "You only paid half-fare and you're over
18. We are half-way on our flight and you have to leave
now."


A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally
it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor
walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window.

"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.

Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.
Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The
woman sees the same conductor walk again.

She leans out the window and yells, "What happened?
Did we catch up with the cow again..?"

-------
Yeah, I remember that train. It had little porches at
each end of the wagons and signs posted: "Picking
flowers while the train is in motion is not
permitted." Seems the locomotive engineer got
annoyed when the flower pickers passed the train.


Thanks to Martin for sending this picture by his nephew Greg


  Twin Lakes Colorado

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Marilyn Cole, 35, and Rashieka Stewart, 23, of Muskegon, Michigan

Thief arrested for headbutting, urinating on Wal-Mart 
security guard
MUSKEGON COUNTY — Marilyn Cole, of Muskegon, faces trial on 
charges of stealing goods from a local Wal-Mart store, then 
head-butting and urinating on a security guard.

Cole, 35, waived her probable-cause hearing on charges of 
unlawful imprisonment, unarmed robbery and interfering with 
a crime report. The hearing had been scheduled for Tuesday.

Her accomplice, Rashieka Stewart, 23, of Muskegon earlier 
waived her probable-cause hearing and faces trial on one 
count of unarmed robbery.

According to Roosevelt Park Police Chief Bill Regan, the women 
tried to steal merchandise, including make-up and curtains, from 
the Henry Street Wal-Mart on Halloween night.

Regan said the women broke away from a security guard who tried 
to detain them at the front door. The security guard ran after them 
and tried to block Cole from getting into the passenger’s seat of the 
car in which she and Stewart were preparing to flee.

Regan said Cole “head-butted” the security guard, who fell 
backwards into the vehicle. The chief said Cole then sat on the 
man. He grabbed his phone and called 911, but Cole allegedly 
fought for the phone and then urinated on him.

Stewart drove away with the security guard still in the vehicle 
and Cole holding him down, according to the chief.

The incident ended when the women stopped in the parking 
lot of Acme Bedding Co., 660 W. Broadway, where authorities, 
still on the phone with the security guard, arrested Stewart and Cole.

Marylin Cole



From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Erin
Re: Best Word Processor

Dear Webby:
What IS the best word processor out there?
 Erin
Thanks again.
Rosalie

Dear Erin
If somebody has been using WordPerfect for twenty years,
then Corel Office Word Perfect is the best word processor
for them. If somebody has been using Microsoft WORD for
fifteen years, then that program is the best for them.

If you have hundreds or thousands of employees, or half a
dozen, for whom you have to buy a word processor, then
Open Office Writer is the best for you, because it is free and
because it uses the Worldwide Open Standard.

The actual performance differences are negligible and change
with every update. WordPerfect and WORD have been battling
it out with nitpicking little differences that are generally ignored
except by computer magazine testers, who have never bought
a program in their life. Currently Open Office is slightly
ahead in usability and useful features, but that can change any
moment. For example, just today there was an update for 
Corel Office. I haven't noticed any changes in the stuff I actually
use, but I am sure bored magazine testers will find what is new 
and will write plenty about it in 3-4 months.

The actual usage differences between the Big Three are small,
as long as you are not trying to save a document as a web page.
Open Office does that way best and produces nice and clean
HTML, that can be easily updated. If you try that with MS WORD, 
you wind up with an awful mess and get told to scribble it on
a used napkin next time, or to pick up the MS WORD doc with
Open Office Writer and save it as a web page from there.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


More than anything, a young man from the city wanted
to be a cowboy. Eventually he found a rancher who took
pity on him and gave the lad a chance.

"This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We
use it to catch cows."

"I see," said the man, trying to seem knowledgeable as
he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for
bait?"

(City Slickers Beware! Cows love chasing and scaring you!)


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Put Ads at the Bottom of the Garbage Can
Ever wonder what to do with all the paper advertisements and 
leftover grocery ads that you always end up throwing away? 
Here's something my mother has passed along to me. Fold 
them up and fit them into the bottom of your garbage cans 
throughout the house. You may need to fiddle around with it 
a little bit to make sure it's sitting on the bottom snugly, edges 
may stick up but that's OK.

The paper ads on the bottom will soak up any liquids that may 
drip through your bags. This saves on time and hassle in 
cleaning your garbage can. Especially handy for the kitchen 
garbage as raw meat juices or liquids inevitably seep through.
By Pookster

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


The other night, Joe and his wife were going out for
dinner. She put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow,
eyeliner, eyelashes, mascara, toner, blush, lipstick,
and a dozen other mysterious concoctions, and 
then asked: "Does this look natural?"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

It was little Michael's first visit to the country,
and feeding the chickens fascinated him.

Early one morning he caught his first glimpse of a
peacock strutting in the yard. Rushing indoors
excitedly, Michael sought his grandmother.
"Oh, Granny," he exclaimed, "one of the chickens is in
bloom!"






 » DNA


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Printmaster versus MS WORD 

Friday, December 4, 2009, 08:40 AM

   
Good Morning,  !

It's Friday,  December 4, 2009
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

When my kids become wild and unruly,
I use a nice safe playpen.
When they're finished, I climb out.
--- Erma Bombeck

Any child who is anxious to mow the lawn
is too young to do so.
--- Bob Phillips


Upon entering the little country store, the stranger
noticed a sign saying:
DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!
posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed an old
hound dog sound asleep on the floor half way between
the door and the cash register.

He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are
supposed to beware of?"

"Yep, that's him," he replied.

The stranger couldn't help but be amused.
"That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to
me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"

"Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that
sign, people kept tripping over him and bashing their
teeth out on the counter."


I couldn't help overhearing a man at a nearby
pay phone. "I know it's something you want,"
he said earnestly, "but I don't think tattoos are
a good idea. And the same goes for body piercing.
As long as you're living in my house, I think you
should respect my wishes."

I was secretly cheering him on for his fatherly
firmness.

Then came the 'coup de grace': "Besides, Ma,
you're 75 years old! You don't NEED a tattoo and a
nose ring!"


Thanks to Dianne for this picture:


  

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Adam Bauer, 19, Lacrosse, Wisconsin

Too dumb to drink
University of Wisconsin-La Crosse student Adam Bauer has 
nearly 400 friends on Facebook. He got an offer for a new one 
about a month ago. “She was a good-looking girl. I usually 
don’t accept friends I don’t know, but I randomly accepted 
this one for some reason,” the 19-year-old said.

He thinks that led to his invitation to come down to the 
La Crosse police station, where an officer laid out photos 
from Facebook of Bauer holding a beer — and then 
ticketed him for underage drinking.

The police report said Bauer admitted drinking, which he 
denies. But he did plead no contest in municipal court 
Wednesday and will pay a $227 fine.

He was among at least eight people who said Wednesday 
they had been cited for underage drinking based on photos 
on social networking sites.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Rosalie
Re: Printmaster versus MS WORD

Dear Webby:
I look forward to receiving you Humor Letter each morning; 
you start my day with a smile. Thanks much.
 
You have always answered my questions for me - 
What is the difference between using Microsoft Word and 
Print Master? A friend asked me for help about a question in 
Print Master. I have never used this program as I have always 
used Microsoft Word both at work and now at home. Is Print 
Master program new as I never heard it before.
 
Thanks again.
Rosalie

Dear Rosalie
Printmaster is a very basic word processor with some simple 
graphics editing tools thrown in, all at about the level of 
Microsoft Works, if you remember history. Printmaster is 
popular and well known on the Mac side, but relatively unknown 
on the Windows and Linux side. It costs $40, but there are a 
few pirated clones available free. 

MS WORD is a heavy duty word processor in the same class 
as Open Office Writer or Corel Office WordPerfect, and the 
same as those other two, made for professional word processing 
all day, and the occasional, rare bit of graphics when the boss 
isn't watching.

There are no similarities in usage between Printmaster and the 
three professional word processors. What works in your word 
processor, probably does not work or is done differently in 
Printmaster, and vice versa.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


An employment interviewer for a big company in New
York was talking to an attractive young woman applying
for a job. Looking over the application form, the
interviewer noticed that the girl had not answered one
important question concerning transportation to and
from work. "What about your bus line?" the
interviewer asked her.

"I don't think I mentioned it," came the pleased
reply, "but it's a 38D."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Discounted Banking Services For Seniors
For senior citizens, check with your bank to see if they have any 
special services for seniors. I questioned some things on a bank 
statement regarding a debit payment that I did not authorize. 
In the process I asked about another item from when I had 
ordered new checks because the amount was wrong from 
what I had. The employee said why order checks as I had 
been doing when I could get new checks through the bank 
for free. Granted they don't have special pictures on them, 
but at my age, I don't need special pictures. She also said 
with this type of account, if I used an 'out of system' ATM, 
I would get the charge for that system, but I would not get 
a charge from my bank, too, as I previously did. Saving 
even the little amounts add up over time. By the way, I 
bank at National City. Check with your bank to see what 
services they have for seniors. 
By Linda from Bloomington,IL

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


The basketball coach stormed into the university
President's office and demanded a raise right then and
there.

"Please," protested the college President, "you
already make more than the entire History department."

"Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put
up with," the coach blustered. "Look, I'll Give you an
example."

The coach went out into the hall and grabbed a jock
who was jogging down the hallway. "Run over to my
office and see if I'm there," he ordered.

Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out
of breath.

"You're not there, sir," he reported.

"Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the President,
scratching his head. "I would have phoned first."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A minister was planning a wedding at the close
of the Sunday morning service.

After the benediction he had planned to call the
couple down to be married for a brief ceremony
before the congregation. For the life of him, he
couldn't think of the names of those who were
to be married. So he simply asked:
"Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?"

Immediately, nine single ladies, four widows,
tree widowers, two single men and a lady in a formal
wedding gown stepped to the front.






 » Christmas TV and movies schedules


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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Can you scan for viruses/malware from DOS? 

Thursday, December 3, 2009, 07:18 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  December 3, 2009

The big rewards come to those who travel 
the second, undemanded mile.
--- Bruce Barton

Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, 
even if it's in Hamburger Technology.
--- Clive James


Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't
get anyone to play with them. They decided it was
because they had not been baptized and didn't go to
Sunday school. So they went to the nearest church.

But only the janitor was there. One said, "We need to
be  baptized because no one will come out and play with
us. Will you baptize us?"

"Sure," said the janitor. He took them into the
bathroom and dunked their heads in the toilet bowl, one
at a time. Then he said, "Now go out and play."

When they got outside, dripping wet, one of them asked,
"What religion do you think we are?"

The oldest one said, "We're not Katlick, because they
pour the water on you. We're not Bablist because they
dunk all of you in it. We're not Methdiss because they
just sprinkle you."

The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water?"
"Yes. What do you think that means?"
"I think that means we're Pisscopalians."


 ordered a cup of coffee with no cream at the
corner restaurant.
The waitress replied, "I'm sorry, you'll have to have
it with no milk because we're out of cream."


Thanks to Robert for this picture:


  
Dear Webby,
It's been a nice sunrise and sunset week.
Here is a neat sunset in Reno, Nevada.
Take Care
Robert

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to the Arizona State University School of Journalism

Reporters resent being confronted with facts
Hecklers in the audience broke into a loudly sung version of 
"Bohemian Rhapsody" and forced a high-profile Arizona sheriff 
to abandon a First Amendment forum sponsored by Arizona State 
University's journalism school. Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio 
was asked by a panel of journalists Monday night to explain his 
relationship with the media, his various law enforcement policies 
and whether his office conducts racial profiling. Arpaio told 
the panel that his office is an "equal opportunity law enforcement 
agency" that will arrest anyone who violates the law.

Later in the interview at ASU's Walter Cronkite School of 
Journalism and Mass Communication, protesters began singing 
a version of "Bohemian Rhapsody" and chanting as Arpaio 
was asked about a federal investigation and his policies on 
illegal immigration.

When ASU journalism school staff refused to restore order,
the sheriff told the panel the childish behavior was "ridiculous" 
and he left the stage.

Seems their minds were made up and they resented anybody
trying to confuse them with facts.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Eddie
Re: Can you scan for viruses/malware from DOS?

Dear Webby
Just wnat to know if you know a way to scan for viruses/malware 
in CMD? ---- And do you need any additional software?
Eddie

Dear Eddie
Yes, sure you can run McAfee from DOS. 
Just reboot into safe mode with command prompt
and run McAfee from there.

More info is at http://snipurl.com/tj9lp
Have FUN!
DearWebby


A grandmother overheard her five-year-old granddaughter
playing "wedding."

The wedding vows went like this:

"You have the right to remain silent, anything you say
will be turned around and used against you, you have
the right to have an attorney present. You can't kiss the
bride today, because she has a headache."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Dog House for Firewood Storage
Re-purpose your Igloo Shaped Dog house for storing some 
firewood. Our dog refused to use the Dog-Loo we bought her 
years ago. I got the idea to store a stash of firewood in it to 
keep it dry and easily accessible by our back door. Our 
woodpile is located in the far end of our yard, which is 
exposed to the elements. So having some dry wood stored 
in the 'dog house', keeps it available for when my husband 
gets the urge to use the fireplace. He also uses the dry 
wood for his smoker grill. I see the dog-loo's at Garage Sales 
and on the roadside for trash pickup, and it seemed they 
would be handy for other uses. 
By Mary C. from Orange Park, FL

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Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Three wives were bemoaning their husbands' attitudes
towards leftovers. "It gets rough," one said. "My
husband is a Movie Producer and he calls them
'reruns'."

"You think you have it bad," was the reply. "Mine is a
Quality Control Engineer and he calls them 'rejects'!"

"That's nothing compared to me," said the third lady.
"My husband is a mortician. He calls them 'remains'!"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A dog thinks:
Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me,
provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me,
and take good care of me . . . They must be Gods!

A cat thinks:
Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me,
provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me,
and take good care of me . . . I must be a God!






 » Lumiere Technology


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
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Thanks for your votes!

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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Is there a fix for a dead mouse? 

Wednesday, December 2, 2009, 08:51 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  December 2, 2009

"Give me chastity and continence, but not yet."
--- Saint Augustine (354-430)

"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition
that's troublesome."
--- Isaac Asimov


The software engineering field is staffed
primarily by men; the ratio of male to female
software engineers is on the order of 15 to 1.
This makes it pretty easy for women to find
potential mates among their peers.

However, software types have a well-earned
reputation for being, well, a little strange.
While discussing the prospect of working in the
software industry, one woman commented to another:

"The odds are good, but the goods are odd."


The new Librarian decided that instead of checking
out children's books by writing the names of
borrowers on the book cards herself, she would
have the youngsters sign their own names. She
would then tell them they were signing a
"Contract" for returning the books on time.

Her first customer was a second grader, who looked
surprised to see a new Librarian. He brought four
books to the desk and shoved them across to the
Librarian, giving her his name as he did so.

The Librarian pushed the books back and told him
to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his
name on each book card and then handed them to her
with a look of utter disgust.

Before the Librarian could even start her speech
he said, scornfully, "That other Librarian we had, was 
a lot smarter. She learned how to write herself!"


Thanks to Mike for this picture:


  
This is the sun rise at my house here in Nevada 
I live 17 miles east of Carson City.
Mike

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Jochen Naumann, 37 of Leipzig, Germany

German tourist made false bomb threat at Disney World
ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) -- A German tourist has been arrested on 
charges of making a false bomb threat while visiting Walt Disney World.

A report from the Orange County Sheriff's Office says 37-year-old 
Jochen Naumann of Leipzig, Germany, was going through the security 
checkpoint at the entrance of the Magic Kingdom Sunday when he told 
a Disney employee he had two bombs in his back pack.

The report says the Disney employee questioned Naumann and he 
repeated the threat.

A sheriff's deputy had a bomb-sniffing dog check Naumann's bag 
and no explosive devices were found.

The report says Naumann claimed he was only joking. He was 
arrested on a charge of making a false report of a bomb and 
taken to the Orange County Jail.

Jail records show bond was set at $10,000. 


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Jai
Re: Is there a fix for a dead mouse?

Dear Webby
My mouse quit working.  Is there a fix or is it dead forever?
Thanks,
Jai

Dear Jai
All mice do eventually die, usually after the warranty expires.
If it is just the cord, and the mouse lights up when you mess 
with the cord, it can be replaced easily, if one has a bunch 
of dead mice to salvage cords from. Sometimes you can 
just shorten the cord. It usually goes bad in the first few 
inches from the mouse.

But if that is not the case, about all you can do is replace it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


Mary had a little lamb,
The doctor was surprised!
But when Old McDonald had a farm,
The doctor nearly died.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Use Maps as Wrapping Paper
This wrapping paper idea came from one of my friends years 
ago. Use outdated atlases and maps for colorful, cool-looking, 
and good quality wrapping paper. I use mostly for birthday 
gifts, but cut out a silhouette of Santa in his sleigh and/or 
reindeers and attach for Christmas gifts. If you like this 
idea but don't have any maps to use, pick up some free 
ones at travel and visitor's centers the next time you are 
traveling. 
By Britt from Boston, MA

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
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THINK OUTSIDE YOUR BOX
You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You
pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there
could only be one passenger in your car. Think before you
continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once
actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and
thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend
because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect
chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find
your perfect dream lover again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no
trouble coming up with his answer.

THINK ABOUT IT BEFORE YOU SCROLL DOWN. THINK THINK THINK


WHAT DID HE SAY?




He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend,
and let him warm up while taking the old lady to the hospital. 

I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of 
my dreams."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were trying to get in to see 
the Olympics without tickets.  So they got to the stadium during one of 
the main events and discussed how they would be able to attend without 
paying. 

The Englishman walked around the stadium and saw a pole lying on the 
ground and picked it up.  He walked to the entrance and said, "Peter. 
England. Pole throwing." The guards let him in without hesitation. 

The other two saw this and are amazed.  The Scotsman saw a manhole. 
He picked up the cover, carried it under his arm to the entrance and 
said, "Mc Gregor. Scotland. Discus throwing."  The guards let him in also. 

The Irishman was very frantic, since both his friends were inside. 
He walked around the stadium and found a roll of barbed wire. 
He picked it up, walked to the entrance and said,  "Murphy. 
Ireland. Fencing." 






 » Mona Lisa Sydney Style


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Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

UPS/FedEx/DHL Delivery Failure virus 

Tuesday, December 1, 2009, 08:24 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  December 1, 2009

Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
--- Oscar Wilde

A life spent making mistakes is not only
more honorable, but more useful
than a life spent doing nothing.
--- George Bernard Shaw


Bulletin Board Bloopers:
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to
make calls on people who are not afflicted with any
church.
---------------------------
The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning
at 10am. All ladies are invited to lunch in the
Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
---------------------------
The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the
delight of the audience.
---------------------------
Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing
services will be discontinued until further notice.
---------------------------
The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great
success. Special thanks are due to the minister's
daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano,
which as usual fell upon her.


"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a
motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding
ticket.

"Keep it," the cop said.  "When you collect four of
them you get to buy yourself a bicycle."


Thanks to Dani for this picture:


  
Sunrise from our kitchen window  11 30  09.
Dani

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Frater Osiris Xnoubis in Eastbourne, England

Goth robber jailed for bizarre bank job
1:20pm Saturday 28th November 2009
A goth robber held up a bank but then gave away all the money 
he had stolen.

Frater Osiris Xnoubis was dressed from head to foot in black 
leather when he carried out the bizarre robbery.

He handed a note to terrified cashier Laura Sulling telling 
her he was armed and demanded she hand over the cash 
in her till.

Xnoubis, a Pagan worshipper, stuffed £6,570 into a bag 
and told her to “have a nice day” before calmly walking 
out of the HSBC branch in Terminus Road, Eastbourne.

He walked a few yards to The Gildridge pub where he handed 
barmaid Gemma Clark a £20 note for a bottle of beer and told 
her to keep the change.

After downing his drink he left and went to nearby Harrisons 
sandwich bar.

He handed the bag of cash to astonished owner Clive Benneys, 
who was also his landlord, saying: “You are good people, help 
yourselves.”

Xnoubis left the shop and promptly went to the police station in 
Grove Road where he confessed to the robbery.

At Hove Crown court yesterday, Xnoubis, of Glynde Road, 
Eastbourne, was jailed for three-and-a-half years after 
pleading guilty to robbery.

Justin Rivett, defending, said Xnoubis had a knife hidden 
on him during the robbery but did not show it to bank staff.
He said a psychiatric report confirmed Xnoubis was suffering 
from depression but was not mentally ill. 
------------
Can't say the same for whoever wrote that psychiatric report,
or the British reporter, who does not know the difference between
Pagan worshippers and Goth fans.



From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Roland
Re: UPS/FedEx/DHL Delivery Failure virus

Dear Webby
The newest virus circulating is 
The UPS/FedEx/DHL Delivery Failure.
Any truth to this one? If so hope my McAfee will catch it. 
Cheers, 
Roland

Dear Roland
That virus is not attached to the email.
You get it, if you are silly enough to click on a link in that email.

If you ARE concerned about a UPS/FedEx/DHL parcel,
call their 1-800 number or check on their web site,
but don't open any email from them, unless you have
MailWasher and see the actual URL hidden under the link.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A number of children from the neighborhood were
invited to Mrs. Johnson's for dinner. She decided to do
something different while serving the meal.

"Where are you originally from?" she asked one child.
"California," said the boy.
"Well then, I will give you the left wing."
She turned to another boy and asked, "Where are
YOU from?"
"New York," he answered.
And she said, "You get the right wing."
She turned to the third boy and asked, "Where are
you from?"

He said, "I'm from Florida and I'm not hungry!"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Keep Your Freezer Full
Being single, I don't have my freezer full of food all the 
time. Keeping your freezer full saves money on your 
electric bill. I now keep empty spaces full by filling 
milk jugs with water. I also have clean fresh water on 
hand at all times in case of an emergency.
By April from Buffalo, NY

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Linda and Jill are having coffee when Linda
notices that Jill seems troubled and asks her,
"Is something bugging you? You look anxious."

"Well, my boyfriend just lost all his money and
life savings in the stock market," Jill explained.

"Oh, that's too bad," Linda sympathized. "I'm sure
you're feeling sorry for him."

"Yeah, I am," Jill said. "He'll miss me."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A man was going up to bed, when his wife told him
he'd left the  light on in the garden shed - she
could see it from the bedroom window. But he said
that he hadn't been in the shed that day.

He looked himself, and there were people in the
shed, stealing things.

He rang the police, but they told him that no one
was in his area, so no one was available to catch
the thieves.

He said  OK, hung up, counted to 30 and rang the
police again.

"Hello.  I just rang you a few seconds ago because
there were  people in my shed?  Well, you don't
have to worry about them now, I've just shot
them." And hung up.

Within five minutes there were half a dozen police
cars in the area, an Armed Response unit, the
works.

Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the policeman said to this man:

"I thought you said you'd shot them!"
"Must have missed."






 » Mona Lisa Sydney Style


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
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Thanks for your votes!

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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Mystery Ad 

Monday, November 30, 2009, 09:11 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  November 30, 2009

"Great things are not accomplished by those
who yield to trends and fads and popular opinion."
--- Charles Kuralt

"Defeat doesn't finish a man -- quit does. A man is
not finished when he's defeated.
He's finished when he quits."
--- Richard Nixon

"There are victories of the soul and spirit.
Sometimes, even if you lose, you win."
--- Elie Wiesel


When I consider how sweaters tend to make me
sweat, I'm a lot less inclined to wear my windbreaker.


Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom
scales on display at the department store.
"What is it for?" one asked.
"I don't know," the other replied. "I think it tells
you when somebody messed up. When mom when
stands on it, she gets more upset than when my
sister brings her report card home."





  From my office window Nov 29

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Robert McCray, 37 in Dade City, Florida

Deodorant thief goes back to jail
DADE CITY — His nickname is Priest and he had a $40 drug debt 
to pay off. So on Thursday afternoon, Robert McCray — a 37-year-old 
felon with "Thug Life" tattooed on his chest — headed into a CVS 
Pharmacy on U.S. 301, according to the Dade City Police 
Department.

He needed something to barter off his debt. Authorities say McCray 
chose deodorant. He stuffed 19 packages of antiperspirant 
— $84 worth — inside his jacket and tried to head outside, the 
police report said.

Store employees noticed the stolen sticks and stopped McCray, 
the report said. They told him to pay for them. He dropped four 
packages on the ground, the report said, and tried to flee.

The employees weren't having it. They tried to hold him. He 
fought. The employees won and detained him until police officers 
arrived.

McCray told police he took the deodorant to pay back a friend 
over a drug debt. The report said officers found a crack pipe 
and small bag of crack cocaine on McCray.

A CVS manager declined to talk Friday about what happened, 
so it is not known whether any employees were hurt. McCray 
has a swollen, bruised eye in his mug shot.

McCray, of 38520 Wilson St. in Dade City, is charged with retail 
theft, resisting a merchant, possession of crack cocaine and 
possession of drug paraphernalia. He remained at the 
Land O'Lakes jail Friday in lieu of $5,450 bail.

McCray has previously served six prison sentences for a total 
of eight years on convictions for drugs, grand theft auto and 
burglary.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Robert
Re: Mystery Ad

Dear Webby
who is betty sue and why is the message the same every day?  
i'm very curious about this.
the part on the left that says 
Dear Bubba
All is forgiven. I still love you. Please come back!
Ps. Congratulations on your lottery win! 
Your Betty-Sue 

Robert

Dear Robert
hat is just a goofy classified ad, or actually a place holder 
for one. hat is just a goofy classified ad, or actually a place holder for one.. 
For just $50 a month, you can put YOUR ad there, for all the world to see.

In the spirit of Christmas, I'll reduce that to $40 per month for any 
subscribers. And if your ad is funny enough, I'll sneak it in free for 
a day or two, 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Customer: "I'd like an under the mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large
variety, $1.95 each.."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my
computer?"
Salesperson: "Hmmm, have you got one of those
new Windows 7 machines ?"
Customer: "Yes, it's a 17" !"
Salesperson: "Then you better get one of these
$29.95 mousepads"
Customer: "But, is it Microsoft approved ?"
Salesperson: "Well,...to be on the safe side, maybe
you should better get one of these bue ones for
$49.95."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Making a Christmas Wreath for Nothing
Find a pine tree with branches close to the ground. Cut enough 
branches for you to make a wreath. Make a circle base with 
the branches and then build on with other branches. I used 
twine to bind the wreath, you can use craft wire or even ribbon. 
Break out your old Christmas decorations and decorate the 
wreath any way you like.
By Jen from APO, AE

Make sure you get the branches from the forest, not from
anywhere in town. Dogs use the trees for pee-mail, and more
and more schools and public buildings spray their trees with 
skunk oil, to deter unauthorized harvesting. Also avoid
boulevards or any town owned treed areas.

You can't smell it until the branches warm up inside the house,
but by then apparently it is too late.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Doug goes to a doctor and says: "Doctor, my wife
recently has lost her voice. What should I do to help
her get it back?"

The doctor replies, "Try coming home at 3 in the
morning!"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Harold and Bob are out in the woods hunting,
when Bob falls to the ground. He doesn't seem
to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

Harold whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He
gasps to the operator, "My friend looks like he's dead!
What can I do?"

The police operator, in a calm soothing voice says,
"Just take it easy. I can help...
First, lets make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard...

Harold then says, "OK, now what next...?"






 » Hubcap Cafe


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
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Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Best free graphics program 

Sunday, November 29, 2009, 10:12 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  November 29, 2009

Too many have dispensed with generosity
in order to practice charity.
--- Albert Camus

"Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?"
--- Frank Scully

A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
--- Unknown

It's official: Rap music does cause crime. Research
shows that in over half the shootings that occur on the
street, the gunman hits a boombox!


"Hey Bubba, what do you think about gun control?"
"A delicate lil woman like you, yall have to use 
both hands, Betty-Sue"


Thanks to Sandie for this picture:


  A Monarch on November 28 !

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Christopher Walker, 19, from Birmingham, England

Robbery across the street from home
Hapless crook Christopher Walker stole £25,000 before fleeing 
to his nearby home.

Walker was was seen running into his own property opposite 
the bank after attacking the guard with a stick outside Lloyds 
Bank in Birmingham's Lea Village.

Birmingham Crown Court heard it was an incompetent spur of 
the moment robbery.

Walker, 19, from Birmingham, was jailed for two and a half 
years after admitting robbery on October 22.

"What makes this so serious is the significant amount of 
money involved, the use of a disguise and the use of a 
weapon to hit a security guard who is entitled to go about 
his work without fear of attack," said Her Honour Judge 
De Bertodano.

The court heard how Walker was caught by police within minutes 
because he was seen running into his home after attacking 
the cash-in-transit security guard with a stick.

He had just been made redundant from his job as a council 
grass cutter and was short of cash.

Walker covered his face with a T-shirt, before picking up a 
stick, which he used to strike the back of the guards knee 
from behind.

All of the cash was recovered from the loft space of Walkers 
next door neighbour which adjoined his house. 


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Alissa
Re: Best free graphics program

Dear Webby
You mentioned that there are a lot of free graphics programs
available on the net. At the time I thought, that was rather lazy,
but was too busy to write then. So I am telling you now, 
That was LAZY!

I need a free graphics program for an adult continuing education
program. What is the best among all the free ones?
By the way, it has to be able to run on older machines.
Alissa

Dear Alissa
The best of the free ones is definitely GIMP. You will find it every
bit as good and powerful as the $700-$1,000 Photoshop program,

All the options in it are a bit overwhelming, and I would 
definitely advise to step through the tutorials. It is not as easy 
to use as Paint Shop Pro, but there are tons of tutorials available.
There are entire web sites dedicated to just GIMP tutorials:
http://gimp-tutorials.net/
http://www.gimp-tutorials.com/
http://www.gimpguru.org/Tutorials/


You can download GIMP from http://www.gimp.org/downloads/

Unlike Photoshop and PaintShop Pro, the stars amongst the 
for sale programs, GIMP runs fine on Windows, Linux and Mac, 
even on older machines, and you don't have to learn a new program
just because of switching Operating Systems..

Have FUN!
DearWebby


My home church welcomes all denominations,
but mainly they prefer tens and twenties.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Storing Gift Wrap Under The Bed
I use an under the bed storage box for organizing my gift 
wrapping. Along with all the wrapping paper (including 
some I have recycled). I keep scissors and cellophane 
tape, ribbons, sticky labels and card tags along with 
birthday cards and a few left over Christmas cards.
By Monique from Somerset, U.K

If you don't have wheels on your under the bed storage drawer,
or if they are too small for the type of carpet that you got,
pick up some of the "Crazy Carpet" plastic sheets that the
kids leave lying around, or buy some. They are cheap. 
Attach the sheets to the bottom of the drawer with little
brads or picture frame nails. Even the heaviest drawer will
slide on carpet as if it had ball bearing drawer rails.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came
over the intercom:
"Will the students who are parked on University Drive
please move their cars so that we may begin plowing."

Twenty minutes later there was another announcement:
"Will the twelve hundred students who went to move 26
cars please return to class."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Two guys are driving through Texas when they get
pulled over by a state trooper.  The trooper walks up,
taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver
rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him
in the head with the stick.

The driver says, "Why'd you do that?"
The trooper says, "You're in Texas, son.  When I pull
you over, you'll have your license ready."
Driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around
here."

The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and
he's clean.  He gives the guy his license back and
walks around to the passenger side and taps on the
window.The passenger rolls his window down, and
the trooper smacks him with the nightstick.

The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?"
The cop says, "Just making your wishes come true."
The passenger says, "Huh?"
The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road
you're gonna say, 'I wish that schmuck would've tried
that stuff with me!' "






 » Arctic ice


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
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Thanks for your votes!

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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

How do you clean Norton off a machine? 

Saturday, November 28, 2009, 08:07 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  November 28, 2009
"Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up,
but a comedy in long-shot."
--- Charlie Chaplin

"Life is what happens while you are making other plans."
--- John Lennon

"Associate yourself with men of good quality if you
esteem your own reputation. It is better be alone than
in bad company."
--- George Washington


A  salesman from New York traveling in Kansas left his
snazzy rental car out in a hail storm. When the storm
was over he checked the car and found out it was
covered with small dents. He went to the local garage
and inquired how he could  fix the problem himself.

The mechanic told him to blow on the tailpipe and the
dents would pop out again.

He took the car to the motel where he was staying,
parked it and proceeded to blow on the tailpipe.

A local  came by and inquired what he was doing.
He explained that he was blowing on the tailpipe to
remove the dents.

The local  responded,
"That's not gonna to work, not unless you roll up the
windows real tight first."


While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends,
a college student led the way into the den.
"What is the big brass gong and shovel for?"
one of his friends asked.
"That is the talking clock", the man replied.
"How's it work?" the friend asked.
"Watch", the man said then proceeded to give the gong
an ear shattering whack with the shovel.
Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the
wall
"KNOCK IT OFF, YOU IDIOT! It's two fourty five in the
morning!"


He loved working on Staten Island, but he wasn't crazy
about the ferry. Miss a ferry late at night, and you
have to spend the next hour or so wandering the streets
of lower Manhattan.

So when he spotted a ferry no more than fifteen feet
from the dock, he decided he wouldn't subject himself
to an hour's wait. He made a running leap and landed on
his hands and knees, a little bruised maybe, but safely
on deck.

He got up, brushed himself off, and announced proudly
to a bystander, "Well, I made that one, didn't I?'

"Sure did," the bystander said. "But you should have
waited a minute or two. The ferry is just about to
dock."





  

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to John Ford, 35, in Twinsburg, Ohio

Habitual burglar caught himself, again
TWINSBURG, Ohio (UPI) -- Police in Ohio said they have video 
footage of a bank robbery suspect eating the note he allegedly 
used to demand money from a teller. 

Twinsburg police said a dashboard mounted camera on a police 
cruiser recorded John Ford, 35, eating a piece of paper while 
officers searched his clothing for weapons Thursday, the 
Akron (Ohio) Beacon-Journal reported. 

"He grabbed it in his mouth, just like Pacman," Patrolman 
Daniel Biada said. "He just ate it right there." 

Police said they discovered a .38-caliber pistol and an 
undisclosed amount of cash covered in red ink inside Ford's 
vehicle. 

Authorities said Ford walked into a FirstMerit branch in 
Streetsboro Thursday and handed a teller a note demanding 
money. He did not display the gun inside the bank, police said. 

Police said they were investigating whether Ford was 
connected to bank robberies in nearby Stow and Akron. 

Eating the note is tampering with evidence and usually adds
a year of free room and board in jail.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Rheta
Re: How do you clean Norton off a machine?

Dear webby:
 My daughter has a computer with Norton on it. And its out 
 of date now. I was telling her she could get red of Norton for 
 good. But I can't remember what to do anymore.
 
And  here's a big one for you. my daughter and drand daughter 
are taking some classes on line. but they need Microsoft Office. 
they both have windows 7 now. all new computers comes with 
Vista. and 7 in them.... ok my question is sence i still have 
microsoft office. on about 30  3.5" disk's can she use them?  
if not what do you sugest they use? 
  Rheta 

Dear Rheta
Go to my Tool Box. and grab the Norton Remover.
It's way down, just above the IE7 blocker.

The smart people can still get XP computers. Just go in 
through the Business entrance. XP computers are not subsidized 
by Microsoft, and so, even though they are older, cost more
than the subsidized Windows 7 computers. But to slow down the
migration of Industry and Commerce to Linux, they ARE still
available.

Your old Microsoft Office can not be installed on those W7 machines,
partly because it is a paid for program and licensed for only
one machine, and partly because they don't have 3 1/2" floppy
drives.

Tell them they can use Open Office. It is free, and it can open 
MS Word and other MS files, and even save them back into that 
format, not just the Open Standard, that is used by Industry 
and Commerce. Industry and commerce are not silly enough 
to pay for Microsoft Office, when they can get a better 
Office program for free.

There is a link to it in my Tool Box.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


An old farmer wrote to a giant mail order company and asked for the
price of their toilet paper. The company wrote back telling him to
look on page #346 of their catalog. He wrote another letter to the
company that said: "If you had not stopped sending me
catalogs, I would not need any toilet paper."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Organizing Serving Bowls, Platters and Utensils


Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


 had been misbehaving and was sent to bed.
After a while  emerged and informed mother
that  had thought it over and then said a
prayer.

"Fine", said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to
help you about your misbehaving, He will help you."

"Oh, I don't need help with misbehavin' ", said
. "I asked Him to help me not to get
caught quite so much."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was
sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to
pray?"
One man stepped forward, "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray."

"Good," said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us
put on our life jackets - we're one short."






 » Cool Pictures


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Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

What is the difference between a virus and a worm? 

Friday, November 27, 2009, 08:21 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  November 27, 2009
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Only two of my personalities are schizophrenic,
but one of them is paranoid
and the other one is out to get him.
--- Socratex

"Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking
at girls and persuade themselves they have a better
idea."
--John Ciardi

"Modern Art" ? Isn't that an oxymoron like "Dry
Water", which, according to people in the military is
like "Military Intelligence" ?

"What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty
scarce."
--Mark Twain


A little boy was roughhousing with his dog. His mother
said to him,
"Now, Peter, I know you love Spot, but you're loving
him too much. How would you feel if someone huge picked
you up and squeezed you so hard you couldn't breathe?"

The boy thought a moment and then said, "I guess I'd
think it was my  birthday and Aunt Edna was here!"


Mother: "How's your history paper coming?"
Son: "Well, my history professor suggested that I use
the Internet for research and it's been very helpful."
Mother: "Really?"
Son: "Yes, so far I've located 17 people who sell
history papers on that topic!"


A lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night.
While she was waiting for her date, she wanted to make
sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in
her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she
accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter
walks up.

Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced,
knowing everyone in the place heard her, she turns to
the waiter and demands "Stop That!"
The waiter looks at her dryly and says
"Sure lady, which way did you fire it ?"


Thanks to Frank for this pretty angel.
He wants you to pass her on!


  

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Randy Eugene Cliett in Haines City, Florida

Habitual burglar caught himself, again

Randy Eugent Cliett was extracted from the ventilation system 
at the supermarket in Haines City this morning — five years after 
he was convicted of breaking into the same business.

Screams coming from the roof of La Placita Mexico Supermarket 
early Tuesday meant Randy Eugene Cliett got stuck in another 
jam at the popular Polk County grocery.

A veteran Polk County burglar, Cliett spent Monday night trapped 
in a rooftop air shaft at the same 10th Street market where he 
got busted for burglary in 2004, according to acting Haines City 
Pollice Chief Chief Sammy L. Taylor.

"He really had no concept of time. He wasn't sure when it happened," 
Taylor said.

Convicted on 14 of his 16 arrests for burglary, drugs and domestic 
violence since 1990, Cliett finished serving his fifth stretch in state 
prison less than two months ago. That five-year sentence was for 
breaking into the same supermarket at which he was discovered 
Tuesday, police, court and prison records show.

The first officers to reach the roof found Cliett wedged feet first inside 
the narrow air shaft with his arms above his head.
Haines City firefighter grabbed his hands and pulled him to the roof, 
Taylor said. Police charged him with burglary of an unoccupied structure, 
causing more than $1,000 of damage, possession of burglary tools 
and felony criminal mischief.

Cliett was booked into the Polk County Jail, again..



From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Sharon
Re: What is the difference between a virus and a worm?

Dear Webby, 
Thanks for the nice Thanksgivng pumpkin & the beautiful 
fall treee. All of our leaves are gone now. they came early 
& were gone early too.
I was wondering what the difference is between adware, 
malware & worms. Are any of them seroious threats? I have 
the free avast program & several times is sends up a block 
say something has been blocked. I think some of them are 
"worms".
Also I have the free power point program downloaded but 
don't remember where I got it & a friend asked me about 
it. Do you know the site I can tell her about to get it?
Thanks so much for you fun & tips.

Dear Sharon
The border between viruses and worms is a bit murky 
these days. Generally, viruses focus on spreading to other 
machines, while worms focus on gaining control of your 
machine, harvesting data, and using your machine for 
spamming.

Adware just pesters you with ads, but frequently also infects
your computer with a virus or worm.

However, nowadays both viruses and worms try to open 
a back door for hackers or nasty programs or add-ons to 
the initial infection.

All malicious stuff like that is malware.

Programs like McAfee make no distinction between 
viruses and worms, when it comes to protecting a machine. 
They nuke them all. Just when you try to read the detailed 
description they call them by their proper names.

They also clip adware and spyware, unless you clicked to
accept ads in lieu of payment. In that case, they can't legally
cut off a form of payment that you had agreed to.

The free PowerPoint viewer that I use is the one in 
Open Office. It works great for harvesting individual pictures 
from a huge, bulky PPS or PPT file.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A preacher wanted to mail a letter home when he
arrived in this small town where he was to to preach a
sermon. He asked a young boy where the post office
was. When the boy told him, he thanked him and said,
"If you'll come to the Baptist church this evening,
you can hear me telling everyone how to get to
Heaven."
"Huh! the boy huffed, "You don't even know your way to
the post office."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Organizing Serving Bowls, Platters and Utensils
As I get out the dishes for the holiday dinners, I also take 
out the serving bowls and utensils I will need. I put a little 
note in each bowl (i.e. cranberries, stuffing. etc.) so when 
I am serving up food I don't have to fumble around finding 
the right size bowl at the last minute.
By Linda from Vista ,CA

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A kid walked up to a guy wearing a 10-gallon hat,
leather vest, leather chaps, and sneakers. The kid
asked him, "Mr. Cowboy, why do you wear that big hat?"

The cowboy replied, "Well, son, the big hat protects
me from hot sun and driving rain, and at night I put
it over my face when I sleep on the range, so it
protects me then, too."

"Why do you wear that leather vest?"
"It also helps to keep the weather off me, and it has
pockets where I can keep my cigarettes and matches."

"Well, why do you wear leather chaps?"
"They protect my legs when I'm riding my horse through
rough bushes."
"Well, Mr. Cowboy," the kid finally asked,
"Why do you wear sneakers instead of cowboy boots ?"

"That's so people won't think I'm a truck driver."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his
employees about an urgent problem with one of the
computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number
and was greeted with a child's whispered,
"Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk
to a youngster the boss asked,
"Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes", whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise
of the boss, the small voice whispered,
"No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked,
"Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes",
"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice
whispered, "No".
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child
would be left home alone, the boss decided he would
just leave a message with the person who should be
there watching over the child.

"Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked
the child.
"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman".
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's
home, the boss asked
"May I speak with the policeman"?
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?, asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the
whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what
sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the
phone the boss asked,
"What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?", asked the boss, now
alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered,
"The search team just landed the hello-copper in the sandbox!"

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little
frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there"?
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a
muffled giggle:

"They're looking for me."






 » Crockpot cooking


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---

How do I make a CD/DVD to show on a TV? 

Thursday, November 26, 2009, 08:22 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  November 26, 2009


"Striving for excellence motivates you;
striving for perfection is demoralizing."
--- Harriet Braiker

"Living up to ideals is like doing everyday work
with your Sunday clothes on."
--- Ed Howe

Meetings are indispensable
when you don't want to do anything.
--- John Kenneth Galbraith


One night, a torrential rain soaked Southern Louisiana.
The next morning the resulting floodwaters came up
about 6  feet into most of the homes there.
Mrs. Boudreaux was sitting on her roof with her
neighbor, Mrs. Thibodeaux, waiting for help to come.

Mrs. Thibodeaux noticed a baseball cap, floating near
the house. Then  she saw it float far out into the
front yard, then float back to the house; it kept
floating away from  the house, then back towards
house.

Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked
Mrs.Boudreaux, "Do you see dat dere baseball cap a
floatin' away from the house, den back again?"

Mrs. Boudreaux said, "Oh yeah, dass my husband; I tole
dat coonass he gonna cut the grass today, come hell or
high water, or he's gonna sleep on da couch!"


A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher
knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if
anything was wrong.
The boy replied no, that he was going fishing but his
dad told him that he needed to go to church.

The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his
dad had explained to him why it was more important to
go to church than to go fishing.

The boy replied: "Yes he did. Dad said he didn't have
enough bait for both of us."


A little boy got lost at the YWCA and found himself in
the  women's locker room. When he was spotted, the
room burst into  shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and
running for cover.

The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,
"What's the matter havet you never seen a little boy
before?"




  Large

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Islington Town Hall in North London, England

No Civil Union for straights


To ensure that they are not misquoted, the London Metro 
newspaper's online version is100% graphics, without any
editable text.



From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Grace
Re: How do I make a CD/DVD to show on a TV?

Dear Webby, 
I was wondering if you can tell me what format I should 
use to get a cd to play pictures on the Tv from a burned disc.
I have spent so many hours doing slide shows and videos 
of my grand kids only to find out they are not in the right 
format to put in the dvd player and then not work. I have 
used a DVD-R and a CD-R, and about 3 different programs 
with no luck. Can you tell me how to do it or what program I need?
Thanks 
Grace

Dear Grace
I don't have a TV, so I really don't have any first hand knowledge about that.
Some people say that Nero works for that,
others say Socusoft DVD Photo Slide Show.
That one is at 
http://www.dvd-photo-slideshow.com/slid ... layer.html
or 
http://www.dvd-photo-slideshow.com/download.html

Have FUN!
DearWebby


The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was
asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it
to do over again.

"Sure," she replied, "but definitely not the same ones."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Use Your Turkey Bones for Soup
Think you've got your turkey pretty well stripped? Think again. 
After all that turkey tetrazini, turkey hash, turkey salad, etc, 
try turkey soup. Toss all the turkey bones into a large pot. 
Cover the bones with water, add seasonings to taste, and 
simmer two hours. While the bones are simmering, 
peel carrots, celery and whatever other veggies you like. 
Add these to the pot. Cook an additional hour to hour and 
a half. If desired, add a half pound of egg noodles near the 
end of the cooking time. Once the noodles are cooked 
according to the time specified on the package, remove 
the bones (carefully, so you don't burn yourself). 
Your turkey soup is ready to enjoy. 
By Lelia Jo from Springfield, OH

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A clergyman, walking down a country lane, sees a young
farmer frantically struggling to load hay back onto a
cart from where it had fallen off.

"You look hot, my son," said the cleric. "Why don't
you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand."

"No thanks," said the young man. "My father wouldn't
like it."

"Don't be silly," the minister said. "Everyone is
entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water."

Again the young man protested that his father would be
upset. Losing his patience, the clergyman said,
"Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me
where I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my
mind!"

"Well," replied the young farmer, "he's under the load
of hay."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to
discuss their home lives, one said,
"Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've
been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds."
"Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend.
"Oh, No! I can't." the first replied, "I need to lose
at least another fifteen pounds first."






 » Antelope Canyon


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Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Can I make an install CD from an installed game? 

Wednesday, November 25, 2009, 09:01 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  November 25, 2009


"Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can'tbe done and why.
Then do it."
--- Robert Heinlein 


Thanks to Bill for this story:
Big Jake was having his long hair styled at the hairdressers 
when a bus smashed into a car, outside. Draped in a cape, 
his hair divided with aluminium clips, Jake, an ex-paratrooper 
corporal raced out to the bus and found the driver unhurt.

The car driver, however, was slumped over the wheel, 
unconscious. Big Jake lost no time in applying his army 
acquired CPR techniques, including mouth-to-mouth 
resuscitation. The car driver recovered consciousness 
several times, but kept passing out again.

Soon the ambulance arrived with the paramedics and took 
over, and Jake returned to his hairdresser's seat. "I just don't 
understand why he kept passing out," he said to the hairdresser. 
"I did everything they taught me."

"Well, put yourself in the car driver's place," said the hairdresser. 
"He's driving down the street without a care in the world. The next 
thing he knows, he's waking up to see some big guy in a green 
cape, weird hair, with a head full of wires, pounding on his chest 
and kissing him. You'd pass out too."


A young woman doctor tells the story about her 4 year
old daughter. On the way to pre-school, the doctor had
left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little
girl picked it up and began playing with it.

"Be still, my heart," thought the doctor, "My daughter
wants to follow in my footsteps!"

Then the child spoke into the instrument,
"Wowcome to McDonnahs. Do ya want fwies wif that?"


TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
STUDENT: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
STUDENT: Nine.
TEACHER: That's impossible.
STUDENT: No, it ain't, Teacher. I'm eight today.

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!

TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today
that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!

TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have
10 feet.

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting
insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.

TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight
oranges in the other, what would I have?
: BIG hands!


Thanks to Robert for sending this picture:


  

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Adam Garland and Michael Queener at the at the
 Turney Center prison in Tennessee

Inmates Escape, Steal Cigarettes, Return
CLIFTON, Tenn. -- The state Department of Correction said 
two inmates escaped a minimum security prison in southwest 
middle Tennessee on Nov. 7 to steal cigarettes before returning, 
WSMV-TV in Nashville reported.

Adam Garland and Michael Queener are accused of escaping 
through a window in their cell at the Turney Center Annex and 
crawling under a fence.

While out, the men stole cigarettes and tobacco products from a 
convenience store before returning to the prison by going back 
through the window that they had escaped from, officials at the 
corrections department said.

Officers later discovered the contraband, and an investigation 
began.

Queener was serving a 10-year sentence for aggravated robbery. 
Garland was serving a five-year sentence for attempted aggravated 
burglary and theft.

The men will now face escape and burglary charges, and minimum
security days are over for them.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Moo Mom
Re: Can I make an install CD from an installed game?

Dear Webby, 
 I was wondering if it would be possible to some how copy a game 
 and all that goes with it that was installed in a friends computer 
 from a game cd or disc , what ever you call them into mine, 
 they no longer have the original cd for me to install the game. 
 can it some how be copied to a blank cd and then installed 
 in mine.?
 Thanks a lot ...
 Moo Mom

Dear Moo Mom
Usually that is impossible.

If that was possible, they would sell only ONE CD,
and everybody would copy it from the machine it was 
installed on.
They couldn't pay their rent in that case.

Look for that game on eBay. There are bound to be some 
people who have outgrown it and are selling the CD cheaply.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A mother was telling her little girl what her own
childhood was like.
"We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made
from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We
rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."

The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last
she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Baked-on Food
I find the best way to remove any baked on or burned residue 
in pans or casseroles, or burner rings is to sprinkle on some 
dry dishwasher detergent, cover with hot tap water and allow 
to sit overnight. In the morning, it will come off with a wipe of 
the sponge. I haven't found any other method that works 
without scrubbing.
By TwoDogsMom from Vista CA

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A lawyer dies on his 40th birthday and finds himself
greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band.
Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says "Congratulations!!!"
"Congratulations for what?" asks the lawyer.
"Congratulations for what?!?!?" says Saint Peter.
"We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 760
years old."

"But that's not true," says the lawyer. "I  was shot on
my 40th birthday!."
"That's impossible," says Saint Peter.
"We've added up the time you billed."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender
(with a drunken slur), "Tarbender, buy everyone in the
houshe a drink, pour yourschelf one, and gimme the
bill."

So the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill
for $57.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender slaps the guy around a few times, then
throws him out into the street.

The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and
once again says (with a drunken slur), "Tarbender, buy
everyone in the houshe a drink, pour yourschelf one, and
gimme the bill."

The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself
that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same
trick twice. So he gives him the benefit of the doubt,
pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink
himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up,
beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him
out into the street.

The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar
and says (with a drunken slur), "Tarbender, buy everyone
in the houshe a drink, gimme the bill."

In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me
this time?"

The drunk replies, "You? No way! You get too violent
when you drink."






 » Awesome photo gallery


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
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Thanks for your votes!

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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

How do I restore from an emergency back-up? 

Tuesday, November 24, 2009, 08:09 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  November 24, 2009


"Under capitalism man exploits man;
under socialism the reverse is true."
--- Polish Proverb

"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to
make sense."
--- Tom Clancy


Little Johnny's class was having an English lesson, and
the teacher called on Little Johnny to recite a sentence
with a direct object.

Little Johnny stood and thought, then said,
"Teacher, I think you have lost weight."

"Why thank you, Little Johnny," the teacher said,
blushing. "But what is the direct object?"

"A good report card next month," he replied....


"When I was a youngster," complained the frustrated
father, "I was disciplined by being sent to my room
without supper.  But my son has his own TV, phone,
computer and DVD player.

"So what do you do?" asked his friend.

"I send him to MY room!"


The lawyer emailed his client overseas:
"Your mother-in-law passed away in her sleep. Do you want
us to order burial or cremation ?"

Back came the reply, "Take no chances - order both,
but not in that order."





  Utah

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a 17 year old bank robber in Warwick, RI

RI teen skipped school, robbed bank
WARWICK, R.I. (AP) - Police say a 17-year-old Warwick boy who 
skipped school to rob a bank has been arrested after leaving 
fingerprints on the threatening note he passed to the teller. 
Warwick police Capt. Sean Collins said the boy handed a 
note riddled with misspellings to a teller Thursday, demanding 
money or "everyone will be shot."

The teller at Coastway Community Bank gave the teen money, 
but he didn't have much time to spend it.

Police said his image was captured on surveillance cameras, 
and his fingerprints were found on the note.

Police said the teen was arrested six hours after the alleged 
theft and faces a first degree robbery charge. The teen, whom 
police declined to identify because he's a juvenile, was being 
held at the Rhode Island Training School.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Harlin
Re: How do I restore from an emergency back-up?

Dear Webby, 
I have been reading your emails daily and have found the 
information very helpful.  I have a problem with my computer 
and just wondered if you would not mind helping me out. I really 
enjoy your emails - keep up the good work.
 
I did an emergency backup and the information was stored in the 
D drive.  I am unable to retrieve the information because the folder 
is locked.  How do I get the information out of the drive and put 
back into the proper folders.
 
Thank you for any help you can give me.
Harlin

Dear Harlin
That sounds like you may have used one of the many back-up 
programs that compress and encrypt the files and then lock them, 
so that nobody else can use them. For privacy protection, that is 
definitely a good idea, but it can be a nuisance for retrieval.

You need the exact program, that you used to make that back-up, 
to unlock, decrypt, and expand the files. Without that program, 
the back-up is just wasted space.

Not all, but most of those programs allow you to restore just 
selected files, but some default to a complete, everything or 
nothing, restore. You got to be very calm, cool and focused 
when you do the restore, so that you don't accidentally overwrite 
files that you have updated in the meantime. In some cases, 
it is bet to rename those or copy them to a different location, 
so that they won't get overwritten by the restore.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Michael strode in to his doctors office and said,
"Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change my
prescription and to check the prescription you've been
giving to a Mrs. Rogers."

"Oh, he did, did he?" the doctor shot back. "And since
when does a druggist second guess a doctor's orders?"

Michael says, "Since he found out that the birth
control pills that you prescribed for me did nothing
about my hemorrhoids, and the salve you prescribed
for Mrs Rogers did not stop her from getting pregnant."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Use Your Oven Heat to Warm Your House
After using your oven in the winter, turn it off and leave the 
door open so the leftover heat can spread into your home. 
Of course you need to keep small children away until it 
cools, but when it comes to conserving energy and 
money every little bit sure adds up.
By Patricia from Imperial, NE

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Norrissa was nervous the night her new boyfriend invited
her and her three young sons to an upscale restaurant
for the first time.

He ordered a bottle of wine with the meal. When the
server brought it, the children became quiet as she
began the ritual uncorking. When the waitress poured a
small amount for Norissa to taste and handed her the glass,
her six-year-old piped up,
"Mom can drink a LOT more than that! Give her the bottle!"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Aaron bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for
their Anniversary. His friend Benny remarked: "I thought
she wanted one of those pretty 4-Wheel drive cars."

"She did," Aaron replied. "But where in the world was I
going to find a fake Jeep ?!!"






 » Great Books


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

MSN blocking subscriptions 

Monday, November 23, 2009, 08:27 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  November 23, 2009


"I suffer from two phobias:
1) Phobia-Phobia, the fear that
you're unable to get scared, and
2) Xylophataquieopiaphobia,
the fear of not pronouncing words correctly."
--- Brad Stine

It is hard to say whether the doctors of laws or the
doctors of divinity have made the greater advances in the
lucrative business of mystery.
--- Samuel Goldwyn


The story is told of a day when Queen Elizabeth had the
Duke Of Edinbourgh over for a cup of tea. The
conversation turned equestrian and the Queen was
telling the Duke about her new prize horse. After a
spell of ranting and raving over this horse the Duke
said, "Well, then, let's see this fine animal!"

So the Queen and the Duke went over to the stables to
admire the horse. At one point the Queen walked around
the horse, just as it let out an earth trembling fart,
with a smell that brought tears to everybody's eyes and
blistered the paint ... let's just say it was awesome..

The Queen turned a bit red and said,
"Oh, I am terribly sorry about that!"
"Oh, that's quite alright," the Duke replied, "I had
thought it was the horse!"


Little Johnny was sitting in the courtyard turning a
bottle of liquid back and forth, watching the bubbles.
The Priest walked up and asked him what he was doing?
Little Johnny replied, "I'm looking at the most powerful
liquid in the world."

The Priest said, "But Johnny, Holy Water is the most
powerful liquid in the world. Did you know that if you
put Holy Water on your forehead every day, 
bad thoughts will pass away."

Little Johnny said, "Big deal! This is TURPENTINE!
If you put this on a cat's butt, he'll pass a Harley!


 was at a yard sale one day and saw a box marked
"Electronic cat and dog caller -- guaranteed to work."

 looked inside and was amused to see an electric
can opener.


Thanks to Dave for this picture:


  

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a dopey Pennsylvanian couple

Woman smuggled drugs to Pa. inmate with kiss
Nov 20, 3:12 PM (ET)

MERCER, Pa. (AP) - A western Pennsylvania woman has been 
ordered to stand trial on charges she passed a drug-filled 
balloon to a state prison inmate while kissing him. State police 
said guards at the State Correctional Institution-Mercer 
became suspicious when an inmate appeared to swallow 
something after a prolonged kiss with a visitor on Oct. 19.

When the inmate wouldn't tell guards what he swallowed, 
they put him in a cell where they could monitor his bathroom 
visits and found a balloon filled with marijuana three days later.

Police charged the inmate, and the woman with conspiracy 
to smuggle contraband and other charges. Both are 41 years old.

A district judge ordered them to stand trial at a hearing on Monday.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Beverly
Re: Can't unsubscribe or subscribe

Dear Webby
still messing with this......can't unsubscribe as i'm not in the 
list data base.  go figure.
 
can't you just bypass your system and sign me up by hand???  
if i can get a letter from you, should get the humor letter...
if it is being sent.  I can ...and have ..subscribe,but never 
get the confirmation letter so guess i just get dumped out 
of your system., like must have happened a month or so ago.
BEVERLY 

Dear Beverly
You probably unsubscribed and tried to re-subscribe when 
MSN started censoring your subscription.

Currently you are in the confirmation waiting list.
Until you confirm, and thereby prove that MSN is not censoring
mail from humor@webby.com, there is no point sending your
subscription just to be censored and murdered by the Taliban.

You can try whitelisting humor@webby.com, 
and try subscribing again when the current confirmation 
request times out. It keeps trying for 72 hours. 

In the long run, though, your best bet would be to get a 
respectable and reliable address.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


The Italians have followed the ages old tradition of naming
their boats with a three-letter prefix. For example:
USA uses USS which means "United States Ship."
The British uses HMS which means "Her Majesty's Ship."
and now...Italy is using AMB which apparently means
"At's-a My Boat!"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Winter Tip: Keep Clean, Dry Socks Handy
Keep a clean pair of dry socks under the seat of your car, 
in your bag or in a coat pocket in case you get your feet wet! 
You'll thank yourself for this thoughtfulness especially if 
you have to spend an entire day with cold wet feet and 
catch a cold due to it!
By Melody_yesterday from Sedalia, MO

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


"I'm ashamed of you," the mother said. "Fighting with your
best friend is a terrible thing to do!"
"He threw a rock at me!" the boy said. "So I threw one at
him."
The mother stated emphatically, "When he threw a rock at
you, you should have come to me."
The boy quickly replied, "What good would that have done?
My aim is five times better than yours!"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel to ask its
location. "It's only a stone's throw away from the
beach," he was told.

"But how will I recognize it?" asked the man.

Back came the reply: "It's the one with all the broken
windows."






 » A place between us


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Pictures too big in Outlook Express 

Sunday, November 22, 2009, 07:50 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  November 22, 2009


"Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion
without the discomfort of thought."
--- John F. Kennedy

People who say they sleep like a baby
usually don't have one.
--- Leo J. Burke

For most folks, no news is good news;
for the press, good news is not news.
--- Gloria Borger


A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the
IRS Tax auditor, who had come to review his records.
At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carr, we feel
it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work
in the USA.  As a citizen you have an obligation to
pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with
a smile."

"Thank goodness," returned Mr. Carr, with a giant grin
on his face from ear to ear, "I thought you were going
to want me to pay with money."


The following ad appeared in a newspaper.
Single Black Female Seeks Male companionship,
ethnicity unimportant.
Good looking girl who LOVES to play.
I love long walks in the woods. Riding in your pickup
truck.Hunting, Camping, Fishing trips. Cozy winter
nights spent lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners
will have me eating out of your hand.
Rub me the right way and watch me respond.
I'll be at the front door when you get home from work,
wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm
yours.
Call 555-XXXX and ask for Daisy.

(The phone number was the Dog Pound and Daisy
was an eight week old Black Labrador Retriever.)


A 16-year old comes home and says "Dad, I just
got my driver's license and would like to use the
family car."

Father replies, "O.K., son. But, first, you have to
get good grades in school, keep your room clean,
keep the yard trimmed, and cut your hair.  Come
back when you've done all of that."

Well, a month passes and the son approaches
his dad, report card in his hand. "Dad, I got great
marks on my report card. I've been keeping my
room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always
ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?"

Father replies, "But, son, you didn't cut your hair."

Son says, "But, Dad, Jesus had long hair."
Father replies, "Yes, son, you're right. He never got
to drive either."


Thanks to Donnie for this picture:


  A Mississippi Fox Squirrel

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Russell Spade, 41, of Redding, California

Fugitive Imposter
Two men were arrested Monday night - including one man who 
police say pretended to be a fugitive - after an hourlong chase 
that took officers through the streets and backyards of a south 
Redding neighborhood.

Redding police were called about 9:20 p.m. to a report of two 
men trying to break into Northern California Recycling on 
Clear Creek Road, police Sgt. Mike Thomas said.

When an officer spotted the two men, one ran away, while the 
second remained at the scene, police Sgt. Steve Moravec said.

At least six officers, a helicopter and a police dog were called 
to the area to find the fleeing man, Thomas said.

During the chase through the Westwood neighborhood off 
Highway 273, a resident apparently heard on an emergency 
radio scanner that police were looking for a man wearing 
khaki pants and a San Francisco 49ers sweatshirt.

Moravec said the man wondered if police would notice him if 
he went outdoors wearing the clothing of the suspect they 
were searching for.

"Well, we noticed him," Moravec said. Russell Spade, 41, of 
Redding was arrested on suspicion of obstructing and delaying 
a police officer, Moravec said.

He does not face charges in connection with the alleged burglary 
because, other than his clothing, he didn't fit the description of 
the suspect, Moravec said. However, they most definitely have
HIS number now.

Police also arrested Matthew Padel, 23, of Redding on suspicion 
of prowling and possessing a dangerous drug, in this case 
methamphetamine, Moravec said.

Police called off the search for the second man about 10:20 p.m., 
Thomas said.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Ron
Re: Pictures too big in Outlook Express

Dear Webby
I know you do not usually deal with Out Look Express but I 
have used it for years with good success. Maybe you know 
why when I send a picture it fills more than the whole screen. 
Is there a setting to change this and make the pics smaller? 
You have answered my questions since 1998 so you might 
know this one. Thanks.
RON P

Dear Ron
I am not familiar with OE, 
but the picture should be resized before embedding it into 
ANY email program.

OE does have a setting that automatically squishes pictures 
if you attach them, instead of embedding them, but it uses a 
lossy compression that can not be reversed. You might be able 
to find that setting, if you look in the OE help.

Best is to use any graphics program to crop or resize the pictures 
beforehand, like I do with the Humor Letter. 
Personally, I have used Paint Shop Pro for about 20 years, 
but any graphics program will do. There are a dozens of free ones 
on the net, that are plenty good enough for resizing.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


.A man walks into an animal hospital with a gigantic
parrot and asks to have the bird's beak and talons and
wings trimmed. The owner warns the veterinarian's
assistant that the bird dislikes these procedures and
is apt to bite.

The assistant puts on thick gloves and cautiously opens
the cage. The parrot steps out, then looks at the
wary assistant.

"Don't worry," the parrot squawks. "I probably won't hurt you."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Check Your Free Credit Report Every Year
Get a free credit report yearly and check it carefully.
 The 3-4 credit bureaus allow you one free credit 
 report a year. We were surprised to find a problem 
 on ours that we did not know about. Home owners 
 insurance premiums can be affected by your credit 
 rating even if they are paid through your mortgage.
By Kim from Franklin Park, IL

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


It may still be winter where you are, but in Australia 
it's the season of the big spring mosquitos.

The other evening, a man walked out into his yard and
two mosquitos picked him up. As they lifted him, one
says to the other, "Let's take him down by the lake and
have a picnic."

The other one said, "No way ! If we carry him down
there, the big mosquitos will take him away from us."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room
of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his
full name.  Suddenly, I remembered that a guy with his name
had been in my high school class almost 50 years ago. Upon
seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought.
This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was
too old to have been my classmate. After he had examined my
teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school.
"Yes," he replied. "Graduated in 1955."
"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely and then asked,
"What did you teach?"






 » Edwards AFB


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Vista not able to handle video on Skype 

Saturday, November 21, 2009, 06:39 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  November 21, 2009


"It is far more impressive when others discover your
good qualities without your help."
--- Judith Martin


Thanks to Donny for this:
WE are in trouble...
The population of this country is 300 million.
160 million are retired. 
That leaves 140 million to do the work. 
There are 85 million in school. 
Which leaves 55 million to do the work. 
Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government. 
Leaving 20 million to do the work. 
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama 
Bin-Laden. 
Which leaves 17.2 million to do the work. 
Take from that total the 15.8 million people who work for state and city 
Governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work. 
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals. 
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. 
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. 
That leaves just two people to do the work. 
You and me. 
And there you are, 
Sitting on your ass, 
At your computer, reading jokes! 


"You seem to have more than average intelligence for a
man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a
witness on the stand.

"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment,"
replied the witness.


A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a
hospital. The patient has had major surgery to
both of his hands.
"Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically
holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "The nurse told
me that I will be able to play the piano when these
bandages come off?"
"I don't see why not," replies the doctor.
"Hmmm, then I better start learning to read sheet
music!"




 Yukon memories!

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Kiara Medlock, 10, Ozark, Arkansas

Teen assaults cop and needed to be tasered
NOVEMBER 18--An Arkansas cop tasered an unruly 10-year-old 
girl after her mother called police to report that the child was 
crying, screaming, and refusing to go to bed. The tased girl, 

According to the Ozark Police Department report, when Officer 
Dustin Bradshaw arrived at the residence last Thursday, he 
found the girl "screaming, kicking, and resisting every time 
her mother tried to touch her." 

Bradshaw added that, "Her mother told me to tase her if I 
needed to." After Kiara continued to refuse her mother's 
instructions, the cop concluded that "there was not going to be 
a peaceful resolution of the issue." 

Bradshaw warned the girl that she was "going to jail," but the brat 
continued kicking and crying and resisted his attempt to handcuff 
her. During the fight, Kiara "struck me with her legs and feet in the 
groin, reported Bradshaw, who countered with a brief "stun to her back" 
with his Taser. The child, not surprisingly, "stopped resisting and was 
placed into handcuffs. However, she refused to walk on her own 
and I had to carry her to my police car." 
Kiara was then transported to a youth shelter.
------------
Sounds like that brat will need to get tased a few more times 
before she starts acting her age.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Di
Re: Vista not able to handle video on Skype

Dear Webby
Hi Webby:  
Since you are talking Skype - I have a question about using it 
for my webcam.  I have been talking to my granddaughter in 
NC and I am in FL.  I see and hear her fine for a few minutes, 
then my screen freezes the image of her, although we can still 
hear each other.  She can still see me just fine.  When we 
call each other back - it is fine again for a few minutes and 
then the same thing happens again.   I am using a regular 
laptop with 3G of ram and she is using a mini notebook with 
the maximum ram required.  Do you have any ideas, so I 
can start troubleshooting?  
Is it her problem or mine? 
I am running Vista and my hard drive is almost full. 
Thanks, Di

Dear Di
Well, that would 'splain things.
Upgrading to XP would most definitely help.

If you don't want to do that, 
add the 4th GB of RAM that Vista needs, 
get an external USB hard drive or second internal hard drive 
give the C: drive about 40% free space 
increase the virtual memory to at least twice the amount of RAM 
run DisKeeper to defrag and optimize your hard drives. 

That won't make it as fast and reliable as XP, but programs 
won't get stuck or partially stuck as often.

Another solution is to buy an old XP machine ( with the XP CD ! ) 
at a yard sale, format and re-install XP, and use that for your 
communications and anything that requires speed and power.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


I boarded the train and took my seat. The seat next to
me was empty, but not for long. A young mother boarded
with her 5-year-old daughter and Mom sat down in the
seat beside me. I offered my seat to the little
girl but Mom said no, she'd sit the young one on her
lap. So here I am holding my roses, now with a little
lady straining to see what I was holding.

"What ya got, mister?" she asked.
(Mom is getting a bit flustered and tells her to mind
her business.)

I leaned the "package" over a bit and she looks and
says loudly, "Ohhhh, ROSES!, who are they for?"

(Now, Mom is embarrassed and tapping her on the rear
telling her to sit down.)

I said, "they're for my girlfriend".

The little 5 year old said, again with a loud voice,
"WOW, pretty RED ones, and a LOT of them, too!
Man, you really must have f****d up!"

Her mother turned as red as the roses, but all the
other passengers bust a gut laughing.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Subtract Savings First
It seems the more I made the more I spent, until I decided 
to try a special way to save money. Each month, when I 
get paid, I subtract an amount of money that I am going to 
try to save. Once it is subtracted in my register, it seems 
like it is not there but it really is should a serious emergency 
arise. I try to make it an amount that is pushing my saving limit.

At the end of the month, I have to decide what to do with it. I 
either save it or purchase something that is really needed, 
such as tires. In times past, I would just go out and charge 
tires on my credit card and hope that I could pay it off at the 
end of the month. This way, with a little patience, I will have 
the money in hand before I buy tires.
By Paula from GA

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


An Irishman's wife calls the doctor, stating that her
husband has taken ill. The doctor asks if she had
taken his temperature; she replied that she hadn't but
would and then call back.

When she hadn't called within a half hour, the doctor
called and asked her what had happened. She said,
"Well, I didn't have a thermometer, so I put a
barometer on his chest and it said dry,
so I gave him a pint of beer and he went off to work!"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

The Burgess Hill Town Council in the UK, in response to a 
worker's complaint that sunlight coming through the window 
caused a glare on her computer screen, has already had three
meetings, six months of discussion, contact with several 
contractors, produced a six page report, worked up five 
potential alternatives, their favorite being the spending of 
up to $10,000 to put computer controlled screens on the 
outside of the window or coat the window with reflective 
film, but whose Town Clerk solved the problem by moving 
the desk away from the window, but had forgotten to tell them.






 » Wildlife Photos


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Does Skype work for phone calls? 

Friday, November 20, 2009, 09:15 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  November 20, 2009
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!"

"Ask a question and you're a fool for three minutes;
do not ask a question and you're a fool for the rest
of your life."
--- Chinese Proverb


Two Venusians are walking down the street. One Venusian
finds a little mirror, looks in it, again, and again.
Puzzled, she says to the other one,
"I just know I've seen this face before!"
"Give it to me", says the other Venusian. She looks in
the mirror and says,
"Of course, you silly! It's me!!"


The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a
few minutes. When she returned, she found the children
in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely
quiet.

She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen
anything like it before. This is wonderful. But, please
tell me, what came over all of you?
Why are you so well behaved and quiet?"

Finally, after much urging,  spoke up and
said, "Well, one time you said that if you ever came
back and found us quiet, you would drop dead."


Two good Catholic boys passed an Episcopalian
minister. At the sight of the reversed collar, one of
them automatically said, "Hello, Father."

The other boy elbowed him in the ribs. "He's no
father, you dummy," said the second youth,
"He's married and got three kids!"




 

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Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Kristine A. Pflughaupt, 46, of Marion, Iowa

Mail Carrier found Drunk, Inside a Residence
By Becky Ogann
Story Updated: Nov 17, 2009 at 2:40 PM CST
MARION — Police arrested a mail carrier after she was found 
drunk inside a residence while on the job in Marion earlier this 
month, authorities said Tuesday.

Kristine A. Pflughaupt, 46, of Marion, was charged with public 
intoxication Nov. 3 after she was found sitting on the kitchen 
floor of a house at 260 Sixth Avenue, eating leftover noodles 
from Marie O’Kelly’s refrigerator.

Marion police Lt. Steve Etzel said Pflughaupt entered the 
home through an unlocked front door. She apparently was 
intoxicated when she was dropped off to complete her route, 
he said.

“She was in uniform and had mail and a mail-carrying bag 
with her,” Etzel said.

O’Kelly, 95, said she was watching TV in another room when 
she heard a noise. She thought her daughter had arrived, but 
became suspicious when no one came to greet her.
When she went to check, O’Kelly said she found Pflughaupt 
sitting on her kitchen floor. She was using her hands to eat 
leftover noodles, and they were running down Pflughaupt’s 
shirt. O’Kelly didn’t recognize her as the mail carrier.

“I said, ‘What are you doing here?’ and she didn’t answer me,” 
O’Kelly said. “She just kept eating those noodles.”

Police and firefighters arrived around 4:45 p.m. and Pflughaupt 
was arrested. Preliminary breath tests showed her blood alcohol 
content to be .281, police said.

Pflughaupt, a 17-year employee of the U.S. Postal Service, was 
taken to the Linn County Jail. Marion Postmaster Rick Leyendecker 
said Pflughaupt is currently on unpaid leave. The incident happened 
his second day as Postmaster.

Any disciplinary action will be determined after police finish their 
criminal investigation, Leyendecker said.

“I just have to let the investigation run its course,” Leyendecker said.
O’Kelly said she was shook up, but was not injured in the incident.
“It was a shocker, is what it was,” O’Kelly said.

According to online court records, Pflughaupt has three convictions 
for operating while intoxicated, including one just three months ago. 
Her prison sentence was suspended in that incident.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Adrianne
Re: Skype on dial-up

Dear Webby
I know you mentioned Skype many times over the last ten years
that I have been subcribed. My granddaughter wants me to install
it so that we can talk to her and her mother, but I have only
slow dial-up. Would it still work? And can you really call regular
phones with it?
Adrianne

Dear Adrianne
Yes, sure. The voice quality on dial-up is of course not as good
as on a high speed connection, but still a bit better than landline
or cell phone. When my DSL is down, like it was the second 
half of October, I use dial-up, and still call my dad over in 
Europe every night, when it is his breakfast time. I have not 
missed a night since I got Skype, except in April, when he 
comes over here to travel around the deserts with me.

And yes, you definitely can call regular phones and cell 
phones with Skype. The voice quality of course is limited
by the phone, that the other side uses. Calling a regular
phone is about a penny per minute anywhere in the world.

Calling another skype user is totally free.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


For all of you who have emailed me when my
spelling is wrong:

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye ! kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a we! igh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rarely ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect in it's weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Save Egg Shells for Planting in Spring
When using eggs in my cooking, I try to break the shells near one 
end. The smaller piece of broken shell goes into the compost bowl, 
the larger part of the shell I put back into the empty egg carton and 
save for spring when I fill the shells with soil and start my seedlings 
in them. They are lightweight and easy to move around. When the 
plants have developed roots and are ready to transplant into the 
ground you just lift them shell and all and plant them in the garden. 
The egg shell will fertilize and nourish the plant. It will be off to a 
good start!
By Deborah from Terre Hill, PA

If you have a choice of eggs, that come in paper-machee
trays or boxes instead of plastic, those trays work very
well too for sprouting, and compost cleanly after you
cut them into mini pots and plant them.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


The most remarkable thing about Ernie's mother is that
for thirty years she served the family nothing but
leftovers.

The original meal has never been found.


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

"I'm so worried," the nervous patient said as the
nurse plumped up his pillows. "Last week, I read about
a man who was in the hospital because of heart trouble
and he died of malaria."

"Relax" the nurse said, smiling. "This is a first-rate
hospital. When we treat someone for heart trouble, he
dies of heart trouble."






 » Scenic nature


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Filtering auto-replies 

Thursday, November 19, 2009, 08:28 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  November 19, 2009

"Dreams say what they mean,
but they don't say it in daytime language."
--- Gail Godwin

When dealing with the insane,
the best method is to pretend to be sane.
--- Hermann Hesse


The drunk was brought into night court, having been
picked up on suspicion of being the notorious night
prowler.  "What were you doing out at 3 A.M.?" the judge
sternly queried.
"I was going to a lecture."
"A lecture at 3 A.M.?" The judge was scornful.
"Oh, schure," said the drunk.  "Schometimes my wife
schtarts 'em even later than that."


New Yorkers are a breed apart. A man was mugged but
had no cash. Afraid he'd be hurt, he offered to write
the guy a check.

The mugger said dumbfounded, "A Check ? Why would I
take a check from you ? I don't even know you !"


 was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when the
CEO was standing in front of a shredder with a piece
of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and
important document, and my secretary has left. Can you
make this thing work?"

"Certainly,"  said.
 turned the machine on, inserted the
paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper
disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."


Thanks to my dad for this picture:


 I climbed that mountain, the Zimba, half a dozen times
as a teen and have many fond memories.
Nowadays, that cute trackmobile in the foreground looks like
almost more fun.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to David Holyoak, 33, of Whitefield, Manchester, England

Too distinctive looking for crime
A big-eared bank raider nicknamed Shrek is behind bars today 
after being warned he is 'too ugly' to commit crime.

Unfortunate David Holyoak, 33, has rather distinctive looks 
and his features make it easy for police to get his description 
and locate him.

As Holyoak, of Whitefield, Manchester, began a three-and-a-half 
year jail sentence for robbery yesterday, one officer said: 
'This man only needs to look at himself in the mirror to 
realise crime is not for him. 

'With his big ears and rotund features he stands out a mile, 
and the officers have no trouble spotting him. He must be a 
total liability when he is part of a gang.

'He has already been dubbed Shrek and must be one of the 
ugliest robbers in the country.'

Holyoak was part of a gang who robbed a Halifax bank near 
Preston and threatened the cashier with a sledgehammer.
They smashed a glass security window, climbed the counter 
and stole cash. But it was elementary for police to identify 
Holyoak as one of the robbers, after they got a clear eyewitness 
description of him ... and his ears.

However, before they arrested him, Holyoak struck again when 
a security guard delivered cash to a post office in Bury. As the 
guard walked in, a car pulled up outside and Holyoak and his 
accomplices got out, carrying a weapon and wearing masks.

The driver of a police surveillance car, following the armoured 
van, saw the men run inside and radioed the guard to warn him 
of their attack.

The robbers stole the cash box and ran to a getaway car. It 
roared out of a side street but ploughed straight into a tree.

The robbers leapt out and fled but Holyoak, and two accomplices, 
were found hiding in a garden.

Holyoak, described as a 'dangerous individual,' pleaded guilty at 
Bolton Crown Court with three others to robbery. 


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Fran
Re: Filter autoresponders

Dear Webby
I am sick and tired of people using autoresponders to tell me
that they have received my mail but won't answer it until
whatever. When I reply to somebody, I do it from my home
computer, and I know the silly dingbats won't be in their 
office to abuse their company computer until the next morning,
so I definitely don't need their driveling autoresponder telling
me that, and pretending to be legitimate mail.

I can't block the sender addresses, because I do have to 
correspond with them. 

I am sure you get a ton of the same crap when the Dear Webby 
Humor Letter arrives at night. How do you deal with that?
Thanks
Fran

Dear Fran
Yes, I too get a lot of that, but I never see it. MailWasher
deletes that on the server, unseen by anybody.

To filter that type of stuff I made a filter for that many years ago.

If the entire header 
contains RegExpr"automatic|auto-reply|out of the office"  
then  automatically (without warning or notification) 
delete the message.  
This filter takes priority over the friends list.

If you select   contains RegExpr, you can add a whole bunch
of trigger words or phrases, separated by a pipe  |

Instead of murdering those emails unseen in the dark on the server,
you can initially just tell it to mark them for deleting, 
while you fine tune your filter.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


Benny Cohen was pulled out of the ocean by a lifeguard.
His wife ran over sobbing, "Benny! Benny, what
happened?!"
"Madam, please don't get hysterical," said the
lifeguard. "I'm just going to give your husband some
artificial respiration and he'll be fine."
"What!" Mrs. Cohen yelled. "My Benny gets either real
respiration or nothing."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Use Your Crockpot for Stuffing
Prepare your favorite stuffing and bake it in your crockpot 
while the turkey occupies the oven. You can prep this the 
day before and refrigerate, it is so much easier than stuffing 
it into the turkey, the turkey will cook faster, food poisoning 
risk is decreased and the stuffing doesn't absorb all the 
extra fat dripping from the turkey.
By Linda

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


At the height of a political corruption trial, the
prosecuting attorney attacked a witness.
"Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five
thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't
heard the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars
to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated. The
witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge
leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the
question."

"I'm sorry, your Honor," the startled witness said,
"I thought he was talking to you."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please
stand up," said the sarcastic teacher. After a long
silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an
idiot?" inquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate
to see you standing all by yourself."






 » Mac & Cheese


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

How to get Mailwasher again 

Wednesday, November 18, 2009, 08:13 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  November 18, 2009

"Everybody wants to be somebody; nobody wants to grow."
--- Johann von Goethe

"I do not think much of a man who is not wiser today
than he was yesterday."
--- Abraham Lincoln

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
--- Euripides


Captain - "How did you attain such proficiency in
bayonet thrusting?"
Private - "Reaching for steak at our boarding house."


Junior was one of those holy terrors and dad was
quite surprised when his wife suggested that they buy
him a bike for his birthday.
"Do you really believe that'll help improve his
behavior ?" he asked.
"Well, yes," she said, "it will be a lot more peaceful
INSIDE the house."


Q. The truth of the matter is that you are not an
unbiased, objective witness, isn't it. You too were
shot in the fracas?
A. No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and
the navel.





 

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Anthony Carrazco, 19, of Brownsville, Texas

Door to door dope salesman busted
BROWNSVILLE - Anthony Carrazco, 19, practically arrested 
himself after he was going door-to-door attempting to sell weed, 
but he knocked on the wrong door.

Police say Carrazco had a gun, marijuana and went up to a police 
officer's front door and asked him if he wanted to buy some weed. 
They say Carrazco even had his own scale.

Police say it happened in the middle of the night at an apartment 
complex downtown near UTB, but they're not releasing the location 
to protect the officer.

Residents in the area are getting a good laugh saying it was pretty 
ridiculous for Carrazco to do such a thing.

Police say the teen was drunk. He tried to sell the officer 3oz before 
the cop grabbed his badge and placed him under arrest.

The charges are serious, since he was selling by the university - 
a drug free and weapon free zone.

Police say they do undercover sting operations all the time, but 
this was unlike anything they’ve dealt with before. 

A bonehead award should also go to Brownsville city council,
who voted the same night against banning texting and cellphone
use while driving and making it a Class C misdemeanor with a
fine.  


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Lynne
Re: Need MailWasher again

I had a Trojan hit and had HP tech’s assist me in removing it 
from my computer.  In the process Mail Washer was removed 
in error.  How do I reload Mail Washer.  I have been without  it 
for over a week right now and am going nuts with all the spam 
that is being loaded into my computer.  
I rely on this software.  I had a subscription.  
 
Who can I contact that can reload this software back onto my 
computer?
 
Read your letter every day!!  So many good articles in the 
tech section.
 
Thanks,
Lynne 

Dear Lynne
Just download Mailasher again.
Theoretically, the registration number should still be in the computer's registry.
If it isn't, look for the email you got when you bought and registered the program.
Look for an email with

Subject: Your MailWasher registration key 
From: MailWasher Support  

If you can't find it, write to , and they will send 
you the key again without any hassle.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Morris and Abe, two attorneys went into a diner and ordered 
two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their
briefcases and started to eat.

The owner became quite concerned and marched over and
told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in
here!"

The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their
shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.

While they thought they were getting away with it,
the owner wrote on the "Specials" blackboard by the
cash register: "Today's Special: Tuna sandwich, $11.95".

When it came time to pay, he charged them for the
tuna sandwiches. They protested, but since they had
eaten a tuna sandwich that was not their own, they
had the choice of paying or washing dishes for the
rest of the day.
They paid.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Make Cloth Bags Out of Old Pillowcases
What do you do with pillow cases that are no longer needed for 
a bed? Turn them into cloth bags! First turn the bag inside out, 
fold down the sides of the opening, run a cord or other material 
cut to the length of the handle you want, hand stitch. Turn the 
pillow case right side out and there you have it, a bag! The 
best thing about this one, no cutting!

By Michele from Landisville, PA

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's
house, and grandpa gets out. The polite policeman
explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was
lost in the park...and couldn't find his way home.

"Leroy!", said grandma, "You've been going to that park
for years! How could you get lost?"

Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't
hear, he whispered, "I wasn't lost.....I was just too
tired to walk home."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A guide is showing a Texan the Niagara Falls. "I'll bet
you don't have anything like that in Texas!"

"Nope, I reckon we don't," said the Texan. "But we've
got plumbers who could fix it."






 » Weird Stuff


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

MSN email problems 

Tuesday, November 17, 2009, 06:54 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  November 17, 2009

"We are all inclined to judge ourselves by our ideals;
others by their acts."
--- Harold Nicholson

"When the ax entered the forest, the trees said,
'The handle is one of us!'"
--- Turkish proverb

Laugh, and the world laughs with you,
snore, and you sleep alone.
--- Anthony Burgess


Psychology was tried on a difficult hiccough case. All
simple remedies had failed and the physician, knowing
that his patient was an old tightwad, resorted to a
stratagem. He administered a new, cheap medicine. This
drew from the patient an inquiry as to its contents.
"Chiefly musk," said the doctor.

"But isn't that the expensive stuff they use in perfumes?"

"Yes," said the doctor. "Each dose of this costs thirty
dollars."

The hiccoughs immediately stopped.


A minister waited in line to have his car filled
with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The
attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars
ahead of him in front of the service station.

Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant
pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about
the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the
last minute to get ready for a long trip."

The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's
the same in my business."


Morris goes to visit his cardiologist in follow up after
his life threatening heart attack.
The doctor explains to Morris that he would be able to
resume his active sex life as soon as he could climb three
flights of stairs without becoming winded.
Morris listens attentively and then says,"I haven't been able
to walk 3 flights of stairs without getting winded since high
school. Guess I'll have to stick to women who live on the
ground floor for the rest of my life."


Thanks to my dad for this picture of a traditional public trough,
that he took in late September on a hiking trail up in the 
mountains.:


 

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to the NJ Turnpike Authority

Turkey wins
TRENTON, N.J. — Authorities have stopped trying to capture a 
wild turkey that calls Interchange 14B on the New Jersey Turnpike 
home. The bird has been causing havoc for toll collectors and 
motorists as it runs across toll booths, plays in traffic, and sits 
atop toll collectors' parked cars.

Turnpike Authority spokesman Joe Orlando said efforts over the 
weekend to catch the turkey were unsuccessful, and for the time 
being, the bird will be left alone.

Collectors will have to continue putting cones on their parked 
cars because the turkey likes to jump on the cars, and motorists 
will continue dodging the bird.

The Turnpike Authority hopes the turkey will move away in spring,
and that no car hts anything expensive while trying to avoid
running over the turkey.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Betty Boop
Re: MSN Problems

  I am not receiving your messages  Why ??
  Be Happy,
Betty Boop

Dear Betty Boop
Because MSN censors your subscription.
Try screeching a temper tantrum at the Taliban, 
and get them to smarten up.

Once your subscription has entered the MSN server, 
there is nothing more that I can do about it.

If you are too shy to argue with the Taliban at MSN Support, 
you can get a free Gmail address. Gmail is reliable and free.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


There was an elderly southern widow who lived in a large
mansion. She was feeling generous when it came towards
Easter, so she called up the local military base, and
asked to speak with the lieutenant.

"Please send up four nice young men to eat dinner here on
Easter, but please, don't send any Jews. Please, no
Jews."

The lieutenant replied, "No problem ma'am, and I am sure I
speak for the army when I say we all appreciate your
kindness."

Well, Easter rolled around, and the widow went to answer
the door when it rang. She was surprised to see four
of the blackest boys that anyone had ever seen, especially
in the South.

"But... But... There must be some mistake," she stammered.
One of them replied, "No ma'am, Lieutenant Morris Goldstein
doesn't make mistakes."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Measure Ingredients Ahead of Time
When making a big meal, like Thanksgiving dinner, have 
everything measured out ahead of time before you start 
cooking. Saves lots of time!
By Robin from Washington, IA 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A patient, while recovering in the hospital from a heart
attack, met this over-zealous evangelist. After listening
politely for a over a half hour on how thankful he should be
to have been spared, and how he should repent at once, he
asked if all of his sins had flashed before his eyes
during the heart attack. The patient responded,
"Don't be ridiculous, the attack had only lasted 6 hours."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Frustrated at always being corrected by her husband,
Gina decided the next time it happened, she would
have a comeback.  That moment finally arrived, and she
was ready.
"You know," she challenged, "even a broken clock is
right once a day."
Leroy looked at her and replied, "Twice a day."

He survived, the alarm clock didn't.






 » Cars of yesteryear


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Windows changing languages 

Monday, November 16, 2009, 08:27 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  November 16, 2009

"You are only as strong as your purpose, therefore
let us choose reasons to act that are big bold
righteous and eternal."
--- Barry Munro


A man appears at a woman's front door and announces,
"Madam, I'm the piano tuner."

"I didn't call for a tuner," the piano-playing woman replies.

"I know, lady," the man says. "Your neighbor did."


Friday, we had a tornado drill. We were in the
generator pit under underneath the garage and there's
a PA announcement "This is a tornado drill.
Please move quickly away from any and all windows."
Somebody yelled out: "Quick, get to a DOS prompt!"


An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love
with a woman in her 20s and is contemplating a
proposal.
"Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he
asks a friend.
"With her, your chances are better," says the friend,
"if you tell her you're 90 and have a heart problem."


Thanks to Roland for this picture:


 No Gullible Warming in Colorado either.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Veletta Cuba Newman, 31, of Bluff City, Tennessee

Woman who mistook cop for Sonic car hop faces DUI
ELIZABETHTON, Tenn. (AP) - A woman who mistook a police 
officer for a car hop at a Sonic drive-in was charged with DUI 
and possession of drug paraphernalia. A caller to 911 Saturday 
reported the woman nearly struck several vehicles before pulling 
into the drive-in.

The Johnson City Press reported Elizabethton Police Officer 
Sarah Ellison found the woman slumped over the steering wheel. 
When Ellison tried to get the woman's attention, the woman 
handed her a $20 bill, continuing to offer it even after she 
identified herself as an officer.

The woman was arrested and the officer found a syringe, 
a spoon with white powdery residue and numerous bottles 
of prescription medicine in the car.

A hearing was set for next April, and since they don't really
want to put up with her until then, her bail was reduced to $1000,
giving her a chance to add more charges between now and then..


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Dee
Re: XP or W7 ?

Dear Webby. 
Looking at buying a mini notebook.  What is the 
difference/pros/cons between Windows XP (which I use now) 
and Windows 7 Starter?  
Thanks.
Mr. Dee

Dear Mr Dee
XP works well and reliably and is a good general purpose OS.

Linux is very fast and reliable for getting actual work done, 
but unless you have a Penguin (Linux User) as a friend and 
mentor, can be time consuming for vague goofing around 
and experimenting. Like UNIX, it is more work oriented, and 
a lot of newer play stuff doesn't have Linux versions.

Vista is slow and buggy, but machines with Vista pre-loaded 
are subsidized and therefore usually cheaper. 

W7 SP2 might be OK, in 2012, but it's too early to tell. 
Ask me again some time after the next presidential election. 
They haven't even fixed most of the Vista problems yet, and if 
you want the machine for getting work done, it is definitely way 
too early to become an unpaid tester for W7.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A lawyer was cross-examining a witness:
"You have just testified that you heard the shot at
exactly 11:32 p.m.?
How did you know what time it was? Did you look at
your watch?"
"No," the witness said. "I looked at the sundial in
the garden."
"That's absurd," screamed the lawyer. "How could you
tell time by a sundial at 11:32 at night?"
"I had a flashlight," the witness said.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Use Thanksgiving Weekend to Sort and Donate Extra Stuff
Thanksgiving weekend is a great time to go through all you're 
grateful to have, and donate as much as you can! Since so 
many of us have a lot of time off for Thanksgiving, it's a good 
time to go through stuff and see all you've been blessed with. 
If you're like us, you've been blessed with an abundance, 
even if you mostly buy used stuff in the first place!

So, if you're bored between now and the shopping frenzy of 
the weekend, consider sorting through it all. Craft supplies, 
toys, clothes, books - in this season of spending and plenty, 
there's lots of folks who'll be doing their holiday shopping at 
thrift stores. If you can, donate generously. It clears space 
for you and gives back to your community. And, seeing what 
you're donating can even help you choose purchases during 
the upcoming New Year a bit more wisely.
By Dorrie from Norman, OK

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A travelling salesman finds himself stranded in the
tiniest town in Australia. He knocks on the door of a
little hotel.
"Sorry, we don't have a spare room," says the manager,
"but you're welcome to share with a little red-headed
schoolteacher, if that's okay."
"Oh, that'll be great," says the bloke, grinning from
ear to ear."And don't worry, I'll be a real
gentleman."
"Just as well," says the manager. "So will the little
red-headed schoolteacher."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

PUN WARNING:
At a church meeting the topic was "Burial or Cremation?"
Two of the people got rather worked up. One said to the other,
"If you have yourself cremated, all you will be doing is
making an ash of yourself!"
The other replied, "Well, I'm told that petroleum comes from
fossilized bones, so if you have yourself buried all you will
be doing is making a fuel of yourself!"

GROANER ALERT:
What disease can you get from kissing birds?
Chirpes! 
(A canarial disease, but it's untweetable.)






 » World ining


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Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

New browser windows or tabs for new links 

Sunday, November 15, 2009, 08:34 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  November 15, 2009

"Few things are more satisfying than seeing your
children have teenagers of their own."
--- Doug Larson

"If you want to recapture your youth,
just cut off her allowance."
--- Al Bernstein

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over
the man who cannot read them.
--- Mark Twain 


A father, who worked away from home all week, always
made a special effort with his family at the weekends.
Every Sunday morning he would take his 7 year old
daughter out for a drive in the car.

One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold that
he really didn't feel like driving at all. Luckily,
his wife came to the rescue and decided that for this
Sunday she would take their daughter out. They
returned just before lunch and the little girl ran
upstairs to see her father.

"Well" the father asked, "did you enjoy your ride with
Mommy?"

"Oh yes Daddy" the girl replied, "and do you know
what.......we didn't see a single bastid or
dingbat, 'cause Mommy was doing the dingbat stuff
herself and scared them all away!"


A Texan is bragging to a Rhode Islander. "In Texas,"
he drawls, "you can get on a train, ride all day long,
and still be in Texas by nightfall."

"Well", replies the Yankee, "We have some rather slow
trains in Rhode Island too, but none that are THAT slow."


Kathrina was visiting the modern art museum and turned to an
attendant standing nearby.
"This," she sneered, "I suppose, is one of those hideous
representations you call modern art?"
"No madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a
mirror."




 

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Shawn Montero, Pompano beach, Florida

Look before you leak
Florida) Traffic was moving slowly on southbound I-95. Shawn Montero 
had left a Pompano Beach bar with three friends, and now all four were 
stuck in traffic. You don't buy beer, you just rent it, and Shawn couldn't 
wait another moment to relieve himself. "I need to take a leak."

Traffic was deadlocked, so the waterlogged man climbed out, 
put his hand on the divider, and jumped over the low concrete wall... 
only to fall 65 feet to his death.

"He probably thought there was a road, but there wasn't," said a 
Fort Lauderdale police spokesman. His mother shared her thoughts. 
"Shawn didn't do a whole lot for a living. He got along on his charm, 
just like his father."

Though his death was tragic, it proves the old adage. 
"Look before you leak!" 


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Ellen
Re: New browser window for new links

Dear Webby. 
I managed to set the file explorer to open new windows for
jumping into deeper or different folders, but I can't seem to
set a browser to do that consistently. Someimes it is 
impossible to get back, and I have to search through the
history, log in again, etc. 
What's the trick?
Ellen

Dear Ellen 
Just hold down the SHIFT key when you click on a link,
and it will open a fresh browser or fresh tab, without losing 
or affecting the original page.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


In his younger days our golden retriever Catcher often
ran away when he had the chance.  His veterinarian's
office was about a mile down the road, and Catcher
would usually go there.  The office staff knew him and
would call me to come pick him up.

One day I called the vet to make an appointment for
Catcher's yearly vaccine.

"Will you bring him," asked the receptionist, "or will
he come on his own?"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Freshen House While You Vacuum
Here's a good way to freshen your house while you vacuum. 
When putting a new vacuum cleaner bag in your machine, 
place a cotton ball soaked in clove or you favorite scented 
oil inside the bag (or in the plastic container on the bag-less 
models). It fills your home with a nice aroma and doesn't 
get into the carpet, or harm pets or children. 
By Carolyn from Floral Park, NY

The little cloth baggies filled with cedar shavings, that you put
into linen trunks to banish pests, work great too. For the 
Christmas season you can fill a cloth baggie with tree or
wreath trimmings. 
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


On a visit to Chicago, Jill was eager to visit a posh
department store about a dozen blocks from their
hotel. Her husband obligingly hailed a cab. They got
in and he told the driver, "My wife wants to go to
Neiman Marcus."

The cabby looked over his shoulder at us and said,
"And the gentleman?  Does he want to go to the bank
or the pawn shop?"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

During a sermon the pastor stated that money wasn't important
in the afterlife, because in heaven, there is no money.  One
parishioner loudly stage-whispered to his wife,
"Did you hear that, Maude? We're already in heaven."






 » Worldwide Telescope


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Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Wrong sending time on email 

Saturday, November 14, 2009, 09:21 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  November 14, 2009

Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
--- Scottish Proverb

Bachelors know more about women than married men; 
if they didn't, they'd be married too.
--- H. L. Mencken


A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar
The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

-----

Four fonts walk into a bar
The barman says "Hey - get out! We don't want your
type in here"

-----

Being a bit dyslexic, I walk into bras.


Things only women understand:
Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and 
challenges,
but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.

Brain cells come and brain cells go,
but fat cells live forever.

Amazing!  You just hang something in your closet
for a while and it shrinks two sizes.

(Actually, some of us men have noticed that
last one too!)


Nancy stormed up to the front desk of the library and
said, "I have a complaint!"
"Yes, ma'am?"
"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"
"What was wrong with it?" asked the librarian.
"It had way too many characters and there was no plot
whatsoever!"
The librarian nodded and said, "Ahh. You must be the
person who took our phone book."


Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:


 

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Joel M. Small, 20, in Gainesville, Florida

Fresh from prison, man charged with break-in at same house
A man released from prison in September in connection with thefts 
from a specific Gainesville home has been charged with theft from 
the same house.

Joel M. Small, 20, was arrested by Gainesville Police on 
Thursday and charged with burglary and grand theft for a 
Sept. 29 break-in at a house in the 300 block of Northeast 
19th Drive. 

According to Corporal Courtnay Roberts, the break-in 
happened at the same home Small was convicted of 
targeting in early 2008.

According to Florida Department of Corrections records, 
Small was released from state prison on Sept. 20 after 
serving an 18 month sentence for multiple counts of 
grand theft, trafficking in stolen property and providing 
false information to a pawn broker about items taken 
from that house and pawned.

On Wednesday, Roberts arrested Small on charges of 
breaking into the bedroom of a 77-year-old woman, 
stealing $4 worth of quarters and 11 pairs of athletic 
shoes worth more than $1,400. 

Roberts said Small was connected to the break-in based 
on blood and fingerprints left behind at the scene. Also 
connecting Small to the recent break-in was a witness, 
who told police he saw Small wearing shoes taken from 
that home.

Mugshot
Article



From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Dianne
Re: Wrong time on email

Dear Webby. 
The clock on my computer shows the correct time, but people,
who receive my email, complain that it shows a time that has
not happened yet, a sending time some hours later than when
they already read it. The same thing happens whether I use 
Outlook Express or Outlook. How do I fizz that?
Dianne

Dear Dianne
You can't blame Outlook or OE for that one. 
Your time zone is set wrong.

Double-click the clock in the right bottom corner, and change 
the time zone to where you currently are. Then, while in there, 
synchronize the clock with Internet time. 

After that your emails will show the correct sending time, 
and people will stop razzing you about being in their future.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


In the washroom in the airport I saw this handwritten
sign posted over one of those hot air hand dryers:

"Please push button and listen for a short message
from the President."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Buy at Garage Sales and Sell on eBay
I love eBay and have been very lucky at finding valuable 
items to sell on ebay at garage sales. My latest "coup", 
a Getzen trumpet that I paid $25 for, and sold on eBay for 
$750. I invested $120 in having the trumpet professionally 
cleaned and checked out. I offered free next-day delivery 
with buy-it-now, and sold the trumpet in four days. Including 
the high cost of the shipping, and the ebay/paypal fees, 
I still netted almost $500!
By Virgil from Jonesboro, AR

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


An American teacher asked one of her pupils,
"What's the nation's capital?"
The reply was, "Washington DC."
On being asked what the 'DC' stood for, the pupil
added, "Dot com!"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Jeff goes in to see the manager. "I have to have a
raise, boss," the man says. "There are three other
companies after me."
"Is that so?" the manager says. "What companies are
after you?"
"The electric company, the telephone company and the
gas company."






 » Earth Album


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Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Yahoo censoring subscriptions 

Friday, November 13, 2009, 07:48 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  November 13, 2009
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support fro the troops!


On Friday, the 13th, ....
It is bad luck to be superstitious.
---  Andrew W. Mathis

Wear the old coat and buy the new book.
--- Austin Phelps

Never fear the want of business.
A man who qualifies himself well for his calling,
never fails of employment.
--- Thomas Jefferson


A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, "We've
got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily
newspapers every morning."

Her husband replied, "Well, lots of dogs can do that."

The wife responded, "But we have never subscribed to any
papers!"


Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists
has been operating in Merseyside, Liverpool. Police
advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been
detained.

The Merseyside Regional Police Commissioner stated
that the terrorists Bin Sleepin, Bin Drinkin and Bin
Fightin have been arrested on welfare fraud issues.
The Police advise further that they can find no one
fitting the description of the fourth cell member,
Bin Workin, in the area.

Police are confident that anyone who looks like he's
Bin Workin will be very easy to spot in their
community.


Our business professor was lecturing about different
ways to bill customers. He asked, "Who can give me an
example of a system where you are billed before you
actually receive your goods?"

One student piped up, "Tuition!"


Thanks to Joan for this:


 

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Joshua Basso

Tampa man calls 911, asks for sex; he gets jail instead
TAMPA — Joshua Basso said his cell phone ran out of minutes 
Wednesday, so he called the one number that he knew is always 
free — 911 — with an unusual request.

He wanted someone to have sex with him.

When 911 operators hung up on him, he called back four times, 
police said.

Fifteen minutes after his last call, police arrested Basso at his home, 
at 4202 N Nebraska Ave., on charges of making a false 911 call. 
He was taken to the Hillsborough County Jail, where he remains 
without bail.

Basso has been arrested a dozen times in Hillsborough on charges 
including grand theft of a motor vehicle, violation of probation, 
domestic violence battery, possession of marijuana, trespassing 
and burglary, jail records show. 


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Susan
Re: Censorship on Yahoo

Dear Webby. 
I am so confused. I no longer receive your webby letter anymore 
what the heck did I do?? or undo?? thanks
Susan

Dear Susan
Your subscription has been sent out to you every night.
You will have to contact the Taliban at Yahoo and get them to 
stop censoring your subscription, or else get a respectable 
email address on the side.

For example, gmail is free, 100% reliable, and you can use 
it at work without pulling anything down into the company 
computer.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his
numbers. He said, "Yes, I do. My father taught me."
"Good. What comes after three?" asked the teacher.
"Four," says little Johnny.
"What comes after six?"
"Seven."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good
job. What comes after ten?"
Little Johnny smiles and says, "A jack."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Recycle Carpet in Your Flowerbed
Cut carpet in the shape you want your flower bed to be. 
Lay the carpet face down and cover with mulch. You 
can use less mulch and it will last for years. When you 
are ready to plant, cut an X and plant. This is not organic 
for your vegetable garden but works great for flowerbeds.
By Laura from Spartangurg, SC

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A perfectionist teacher demands the very best of all
of her pupils. So it is only to be expected that she
would get furious when one little fellow hands in a
sloppily done homework paper.

"This is the worst essay it has been my misfortune to
read," the woman says through clenched teeth. "It has
so many mistakes. I can't understand how one person
could have made all these mistakes."
"It wasn't just one person," the boy replies defensively.
"My mom helped me."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an
eternity; looking up, looking down, measuring the
distance, figuring the wind direction and speed.
Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated
partner says,
"What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from
the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Forget it, man! You don't stand a chance of hitting
her from here!"






 » Biscuit City


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Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Can't send mail on High Speed connection 

Thursday, November 12, 2009, 09:57 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  November 12, 2009

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain -
and most fools do.
--- Dale Carnegie

It is bad luck to be superstitious.
---  Andrew W. Mathis


[a] The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer
heart attacks than the British or Americans.

 On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and
also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or
Americans.

[c] Conclusion: Eat what you like. It's speaking
English that kills you.


That reminds me.....

Because of the anti-smoking propaganda and restrictive
laws, the percentage of the population that smokes has
decreased. Now, if there was any relation between
smoking and cancer, the percentage of people who get
cancer should theoretically have decreased at exactly
the same rate.

It didn't. It INCREASED!

OK, so what HAS increased at the same rate as cancer ?
Taxes on tobacco products.
Kinda makes you think, eh ?


Thanks to Dianne for this:
Westminster bridge, London… 

At noon, a strange phenomenon happens when sunlight passes 
through the balustrade of the bridge, forming a small army of…..
well……see for yourself!


 

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Samuel Botchvaroff, 24 in Oakland, California

E. Bay Car Thief Steals Car To Go To Court
A 24-year-old Oakland man is under arrest after authorities 
say he stole a car to make a court appearance on an 
auto theft charge.

California Highway Patrol investigator Chris Linehan said he 
arrested Samuel Botchvaroff Tuesday as he sat inside a stolen 
2000 Range Rover at the Vallejo courthouse. Botchvaroff had 
just left his arraignment on auto theft charges stemming from 
an Oct. 31 arrest.

Linehan said the Range Rover's LoJack system helped him 
locate the vehicle, which had been stolen from Oakland earlier 
Tuesday morning.

Authorities say Botchvaroff told officers his car had been 
impounded, and he had no other way to get to his arraignment.

He was booked into Solano County Jail on suspicion of auto 
theft and possession of stolen property.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Larry
Re: Can't send out on High Speed connection

Dear Webby. 
I appreciate all the info you give out to people, and mabye 
you can help me.  I have incredimail as my email client. 
I can receieve email, but cannot send out unless I log into 
my dial up. I have highspeed network connection and Dial up. 
Any help would be greatly appreciated.  
Larry 

Dear Larry
The problem is not on your side.
You will have to haggle that out with your DSL or cable provider.
Hopefully they use UNIX o Linux, and not Microsoft Server.
On UNIX and Linux it's easy to set up email users and authenticate 
them properly. I have quite a few clients, like for example Walter, 
the Stonecraver, who travel a lot. I routinely authenticate him 
in airport lounges and even on airplanes. But we use UNIX.

With Microsoft Server they would need a tech who can read 
beyond page 1 of the instructions. Those are apparently scarce, 
and they are more likely to give you the runaround and tell you to 
use their webmail. 
It CAN be done, though! 

Before you raise your voice too much, check your contract with 
them and make sure that your DSL deal includes email. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Two city swingers were walking in the country when
one of them spotted a bug walking across the road.
"What kind of bug is that?" he asked his companion.
The companion leaned over and looked at the bug. "It's
a Lady bug."
The first man looked at the bug again, then at his
friend, and said:  "Man, you sure got good eyes."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

No new tip today


Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


At a golf course, four men approached the sixteenth
tee. The straight fairway ran along a road and bike
path fenced off on the left. The first golfer teed off
and hooked the ball in that direction. But the ball
went over the fence and bounced off the bike path onto
the road, where it hit the tire of a moving bus and
was knocked back on to the fairway.

As they all stood in silent amazement, one man finally
asked him, "How on earth did you do that?"
He shrugged his shoulders and said, "You have to know
the bus schedule."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Lissa went to see a psychiatrist about her husband (he
wouldn't go with her).
"Doctor, my husband, Kurt,  has this problem. Almost
every night now he's dreaming he's a refrigerator!"
"My dear, that is not really a problem!  A lot of
people dream that they are somebody or something
unusual."

Lissa leans forward as she softly whispers this
confidence:   "But you see doctor it is also a problem
for me!  Kurt sleeps with his mouth open and his
little light keeps me awake!"






 » Toothpick Art


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Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Device monitor has stopped working 

Wednesday, November 11, 2009, 11:04 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  November 11, 2009
Remembrance Day / Veterans Day
Remember the heroes who died for our country!
A Pittance of time

"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow,
you gotta put up with the rain."
--- Dolly Parton

In literature as in love, we are astonished at
what is chosen by others.
--- Andre Maurois


His wife phoned Abe in the office and said:
"Darling, come home early, we are going to have my
mother for dinner."
"Good" replied Abe, "make sure she's well done!".


The plane was only half-full. When an attractive young
woman asked if the seat next to mine was free, my male
ego soared. Soon we were chatting pleasantly, and she
told me it was her first flight.

"Mom said to sit next to someone I thought I could
trust," she confessed nervously. "And you look just
like my dad."




 

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Mark Alan Clair, 43 and Shannon Blake McAlister, 42 
in Yukon, Oklahoma

Police Say 911 Call from stolen phone Led to Drug Bust
By Rusty Surette, NEWS 9

YUKON, Oklahoma -- Yukon police said a big drug bust was made 
possible thanks to an accidental call to 911.

Yukon dispatchers said they got the call last week from a cell 
phone. Dispatchers thought it was just another accidental call, 
but instead of hanging up, they stayed on the line and listened 
to the conversation in the background.

"We could hear two men talking in the background," said 
Yukon Cpl. Shane Ingram. "They were talking about, in detail, 
about drug deals."

Immediately, police began tracking the call and the conversation 
never stopped. Dispatchers were able to use 911 mapping 
technology to pinpoint where the call was coming from.

Officers say when they knocked on the door, the men inside, 
Mark Clair and Shannon McAlister, were shocked. A cell phone 
crammed in a coat pocket had accidentally dialed 911 and 
now they were frantically trying to hide their stash.

"What I guess he didn't realize was that during the shuffling 
and trying to hide it, they didn't get it all hidden and there was 
plenty in plain view,” said Cpl. Ingram

Inside the home in the 1300 block of Summerton Place police 
found Xanax, Hydrocondone, Oxycontin, Ecstasy and marijuana. 
Rough estimates put the value of the drugs at $20,000, but the 
story Yukon officers now have is priceless.

Mark Alan Clair, 43, and Shannon Blake McAlister, 42, were 
both taken into custody and face a long list of charges including 
possession of controlled dangerous substances and intent 
to distribute narcotics.

Police said the phone that placed the 911 call was a stolen 
cell phone.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Ruby
Re: Device monitor has stopped working

Dear Webby,
Thanks so much for your humor/news letter - it always provides 
the need for laughs!  Once again, I have a question about my 
computer.  Just remember I am pretty illeterate as I'm sure my 
question show!  Within the last few days, a message shows up 
when starting the computer that 
"the Device monitor has stopped working"  
Just now another message shows up that "Internet Explorer has 
stopped working"  What's up with these messages?  I have 
McAffee, what else is needed??
Thanks so much for all you do!
Ruby

Dear Ruby
That seems to be a Vista or W7 "feature".
You will have to ask Microsoft about that one. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


When Lisa noticed a broken vise in the trash can,
she decided to buy her husband a new one for his
birthday. She went to the hardware store and asked the
salesman, "Do you have any heavy-duty vises?"

"Sorry, ma'am," he replied. "I gave them all up when I got
caught."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Make a Keepsake of Old T-Shirts
My daughter had two old camp shirts. One was a tie-die and the 
other had the name of the camp. They were too small and had 
a couple of stains. After washing, I turned the tie-died one into a 
small pillow. I cut the camp name out of the other shirt. Before 
I stuffed the pillow I sewed on the camp name. Now my daughter 
has a wonderful keepsake of her camp time!
By SA from Georgia

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


The young construction worker was boasting that he
could outdo anyone in a feat of strength.  He made a
special case of making fun of one of his older
co-workers.  Finally, the old guy decided he'd had
enough and said to the youngster,
"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?  I
will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a
wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be
able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart said.
"Let's see you do your stuff!"

The old man reached out and grabbed a wheelbarrow
by the handles.  Then, nodding to the young man, he
said, "All right.  Get in."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

When a guy's printer began to grow faint, he called a
local repair shop where a friendly man informed him
that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.
Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he
told him he might be better off reading the printer's
manual and trying the job himself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does
your boss know that you discourage business?"

"Actually, it is my boss's idea," the employee replied
sheepishly. "We usually make a LOT more money on
repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves
first."






 » Remembrance Day


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

How do you fix Invalid notifier alerts? 

Tuesday, November 10, 2009, 10:16 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  November 10, 2009

The principal mark of genius is not perfection
but originality, the opening of new frontiers.
--- Arthur Koestler

"You don't get to choose how you're going to die.
Or when.
You can only decide how you're going to live.  Now."
--- Joan Baez


A girl walked up to the information desk in her local
hospital and said, "I need to see the upturn, please."
"I think, you mean the 'intern,' don't you?" asked the
nurse on duty.
"Yes,whatever." said the girl. "I want to have a
'contamination.'"
"Don't you mean 'examination ?" the nurse asked.
"Yes, whatever. I'll probably have to go to the
fraternity ward"
"I'm sure you mean the maternity ward."
To which the girl replied "Upturn, intern;
contamination, examination; fraternity, maternity....
What's the difference? All I know is I haven't
demonstrated in two months, and I think I'm stagnant."


A New Yorker was being shown around the back country
of Louisiana by his cousin. "Is it true that an
alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
he asked.
The cousin smirked, "Depends on how fast ya carry it."




 Heartwarming!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to rwo armed robbers in Pretonia, South Africa

Robber emasculates himself
News24, South Africa
2009-11-08 22:57

Pretoria - An armed robber who attacked 12 people in a house in
Queenswood, Pretoria, and threatened to shoot them "one by one",
shot his own penis off with his stolen firearm.

Another robber was shot dead on the scene.

The injured robber had hidden the firearm in the front of his
trousers. When he removed the weapon, a shot went off 
by accident, hitting him in the groin. 

According to an informed source at the scene, this robber's injury
was so severe that doctors would not have been able to re-attach his
penis.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Cathy
Re: Invalid Notifier

Dear Webby,
Hi sorry to bother you but am getting this same message 
every time I open up computer. It says 
selected notifier(or one of its components )is invalid-
-please select a new notifier. 
Can you please tell me what this means? Still computer 
illiterate. Thank you    
Cathy 

Dear Cathy
That is not part of Windows, but from some program, 
that you installed. It could be from Incredimail, Dartware, 
Telus, an RSS reader, a birthday reminder, or any number 
of different programs or services.

Try to remember what program has ever notified you of 
anything. Then go into that program, add a new notifier 
and dump the old one. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Nancy doesn't go to church much anymore.
She's a Seventh Day Absentist.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Save Those Pumpkin Seeds
When carving pumpkins for pie, don't throw out the seeds! 
Wash off the gooey stuff, spread on a cookie sheet, sprinkle 
with Lawry's (seasoning) salt and bake at 375 for about 10 
minutes. Makes a great snack.
By Sunny

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


While Hank was on board the Navy carrier USS GEORGE
WASHINGTON, the air wing was busy with training
missions. After talking to a pilot, one air-traffic
controller accidentally left his microphone on and
remarked to a nearby buddy, "That guy sounded just
like Elmer Fudd."

The airwaves got strangely quiet as everyone listened,
realizing that the pilot had also heard the comment.
After about ten seconds, the pilot broke the silence
by announcing, "Be vewy, vewy quiet. We awe
hunting submawenes."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A 6 year old was overheard reciting the Lord's
Prayer at a church service, "And give us our bus
passes, as we forgive those who gas pass against us."






 » the Edhttp://www.ssefo.com/mund Fitzgerald


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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