Post Office 

A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"

The clerk says, "What denomination?"

The woman says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.





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Moving all PPS files 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, December 10

Thank you, Ken!

Lucille, from couple-or-not.com asked for info, that summarizes
the debunked Gullible Warming fad. Apparently just me 
calling it BS for the last ten years is not enough. 
Luckily, Sandie had sent me a link to a fairly eloquent 
geologist 'splaining the facts to the British parliament.
Gullible Warming Debunked

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought. --- Albert von Szent-Gyorgyi
An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a woman in her 20s and is contemplating a proposal. "Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asks a friend. "With her, your chances are better," says the friend, "if you tell her you're 90 and have a heart condition."
GuiltFREE! 50 Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts, includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Includes TWO bonus books: Awesome Appetizers and Better Breads Enjoy a GuiltFREE! Christmas!

SOMETIMES... Sometimes... when you cry, no one sees your tears. Sometimes... when you are in pain, no one sees your hurt. Sometimes... when you are worried, no one sees your stress. Sometimes... when you are happy, no one sees your smile. But fart just ONE TIME...!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Kasia Rivera, 34, in East Orange, NJ Shooting Mistletoe at the mall NEWARK -- A New Jersey woman who police say injected a man's penis with silicone, resulting in his death, has been charged with manslaughter. The Essex County prosecutor's office says 34-year-old Kasia Rivera gave 22-year-old Justin Street the injection on May 5. Such injections often are used to enlarge body parts. Street died the day after his injection. His death was ruled a homicide following an investigation and a medical examiner's determination he died of a silicone embolism. Rivera also faces charges for the unauthorized practice of medicine. She was arrested Friday and is being held on $75,000 bail.
Tech Support Pits: From: Lydia Re: moving all PPS files Dear Webby, I got my computer more or less organized and have all received files in the mail Attachment directory, including the ones sent to me via Skype. Now that Attachment directory is getting so big, that W7 takes forever to load or sort it. W7 may be cute, but it is a lemon. How can I extract JUST the PPS files,and move them into a PPS sub folder inside the Attachments folder? Thanks Lydia Dear Lydia Copy or write down the address of where that Attachments folder is, highlight it, and copy it that address. Click on START type CMD and hit ENTER. You will get the scary, black DOS screen. Yes, deep down underneath is still good old DOS. Now type CD and a space, then Right-click, select PASTE to paste that address, and hit Enter. The command line now should show that address. Type DIR PPS and hit Enter. That will show you the contents of the PPS folder, IF you have indeed made it inside the Attachments folder.If necessary, you can make it by typing MD PPS and hitting ENTER. Now type move *.pps PPS /Y and hit ENTER. The /Y is optional, it just gives it a YES! on the question about overwriting an existing copy of a file. With as many files as you probably have, you are not going to compare and see if all versions of it are the same. So just overwrite any identically named duplicates. There will be a brief flurry of activty on the screen, and it's done. All PPS files have been moved to the PPS folder. Now do the same with the PPT files. move *.pps PPT /Y and hit ENTER. That's it, all done. Type exit and hit ENTER to close the DOS window to the raw command line. See, DOS is not really that scary. The * in *.PPS is a wildcard. It simply means ANYTHING before .pps If you make a folder named PIX for JPG files inside that Attachments folder, you could move all JPG files with the command: move *.jpg PIX The command is simply move what where Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man appeared at a woman's front door and announces, "Madam, I'm the piano tuner." "I didn't send for a tuner," the piano-playing woman replied. "I know, lady," the man said. "Your neighbors did."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Cake Mix Bag For Decorating When I make cupcakes from a cake mix, I always save the bag. I rinse the bag out, dry it, clip a corner and insert a decorating tip inside. It makes a perfect disposable frosting bag and these bags are super strong. By norulesart from FL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A loaded minivan pulls into the only remaining campsite. Four children leap from the vehicle and begin feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rush to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils. A nearby camper marvels to the youngsters' father, "That, sir, is some display of teamwork." "I have a system," says the father. "No one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A policeman arrives at the scene of an accident in which a car has smashed into a tree. The cop rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, "Are you seriously hurt?" "How do I know?" the driver responds. "I'm not a lawyer."
» Lunar Eclipse





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Missing browser address bar 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, December 9
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!




Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

In the republic of mediocrity, genius is dangerous. --- Robert G. Ingersoll
Two women are paired together as partners in a club tournament and meet on the putting green for the first time. After introductions, the first golfer asks, "What's your handicap?" "Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replies. "Really," says the first woman, suitably impressed and thinking they might have a shot at the championship. "Yes," says her partner, "I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones.
GuiltFREE! 50 Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts, includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Includes TWO bonus books: Awesome Appetizers and Better Breads Enjoy a GuiltFREE! Christmas!

Angus McInnes is dying. On his deathbed, he looks up and says: "Is my wife here?" "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you," his wife replies. "Are my children here?" he asks. "Yes, daddy, we are all here?" "And my other relatives? Are they also here?" "Yes, we are all here," says one. "Then why is the light on in the kitchen?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Richard Robinson, DeKalb, GA Shooting Mistletoe at the mall DECATUR, Ga. -- In the twinkling, pine-scented pantheon of Christmas decorating, mistletoe occupies a special place. But in the wild, mistletoe is a parasitic plant that creates a leafy ball in the tops of trees. For centuries, the challenge has been how to get the mistletoe out of the tree most efficiently. "I've gathered it before," said 11Alive photographer Richard Crabbe, a man with roots in rural Georgia. "The traditional southern way-- with a gun!" "Tradition has it that you would shoot it out of a tree with a gun," said Shannon Wurst, who sells mistletoe at Big John's in Buckhead. "At least that's what my grandparents always used to do." To Wurst and to Crabbe, the harvesting of treetop mistletoe by shotgun makes perfect sense. "A shotgun is the quickest and most efficient way," said Crabbe. "Unless you want to climb the tree and pick it." That's the logic Richard Robinson apparently applied Sunday, when he was spotted with a shotgun near North DeKalb Mall. "Robinson was firing into the trees in an attempt to get mistletoe out," said DeKalb police spokeswoman Mekka Parish. "To decorate his home for Christmas." Police arrested Robinson on charges of illegally discharging a weapon and reckless conduct. The police report says "He said he does this every year, but never in the mall parking lot. The suspect was surprised he was getting arrested." Christmas is a holiday that thrives on tradition. William Robinson's tale is one of a holiday tradition gone slightly awry. "The mall? Not the best place to go shoot mistletoe out of the trees," said Crabbe.
Tech Support Pits: From: Marion Re: Missing Address Bar Dear Webby, PLEASE,HELP ME GET MY ADDRESS BAR BACK AT THE TOP OF PAGE.I HAVE A PLACE TO SEACH BUT I WANT A ADDRESS BAR. MARION Dear Marion First, make sure your address bar is turned on: VIEW TOOLBARS Address bar then have a look to the right side of the browser top. You will see a | like a sliding door handle. Pull that to the left. Your address bar is behind that sliding door. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A couple are asleep in their bed late one night, when the wife thinks she hears a noise downstairs. She nudges her husband and whispers, "Wake up, wake up!" "What's the matter?" he asks. "There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they're eating the broccoli casserole I made tonight." "That'll teach them!" says the husband.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com "Swap Not Shop" Event for Christmas Swapping is better than Shopping! Instead of trying to work out how much you can get away with spending this Christmas, why not get friends, neighbors, and family organized and hold a pre-Christmas "Swap not Shop" event. It is fun, will help clear clutter from you house, and most importantly, can save some serious cash! http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A passenger jet is taxiing down the runway when it stops abruptly, turns around and returns to the gate. After an hour-long wait, the plane finally pulls out again, rolls down the runway and takes off. A concerned passenger asks the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," the attendant explains, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot." --------------- No kidding, but something similar happened to me on Sept 14, 2001, the first day the planes flew again after 9/11. After the plane was loaded and everybody was seated with their seatbelts on, Air Canada found out that the pilot had chickened out and deserted. We sat there in the plane at the gate for over two hours until they found a pilot, who was willing to fly.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A couple is in a Lamaze class, and during one session the husband is given a bag of sand to wear around his middle to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. After cinching it around his waist, he stands up and says, "This doesn't feel so bad." In response, the instructor drops a pen and asks the husband to pick it up. "You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asks. "Exactly," the instructor says. The man turns to his wife and says, "Honey, pick up that pen for me."
» Tanganyika





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Eliminate an address from Gmail 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, December 8

Is the sun getting ready to 'splode?


Nah.Don't worry, and don't let the Algorians spook you. 
Solar filters have become more affordable and photographers 
and astronomers are getting better pictures of what has been
going on for billions of years.

They use not only very special filters, but also very special lenses,
that shrink the blocked center and zoom everything else. That is 
how you get those dramatic solar flares flying far out, instead of
being just a tame peach fuzz.

That not only makes much prettier pictures, but also helps
with studying the flares and trying to match solar activity to
actual weather. So far, they are still floundering and flopping
about that like a caught fish in a canoe, because they are 
trying to assign more significance, than there is, but in a few 
years they might be able to contribute to weather forecasts.

Unlike CO2, which is just a passive indicator or illustrator
of cyclic changes, solar weather does have a contributing
influence on the weather on earth. The key word, though,
is CONTRIBUTING, not causing.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children. --- King Edward VIII Advice is probably the only free thing which people won't take. --- Lothar Kaul If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's consulting; if you actually use either one, it's a miracle. --- Socratex
Baseball in the Bible? It all started "In the Big Inning." Eve stole first. Adam stole second. Abraham made a sacrifice. Jacob struck out. The prodigal son made a home run. Everybody played baseball until the fall of the Roam Umpire.
GuiltFREE! 50 Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts, includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Includes TWO bonus books: Awesome Appetizers and Better Breads Enjoy a GuiltFREE! Christmas!

Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing. "Your honor," he said, "I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine." "Why ?" asked the judge. "He won your acquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for ?" "Well, your honor," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the Mercedes, that I had stolen."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Heather Lynn Mayo, 33 in Palm Harbor, FL Woman's call to deputies leads to her arrest in fatal Pinellas Park hit-and-run Heather Lynn Mayo called the Pinellas Sheriff's Office on Monday night and asked deputies to come kick her boyfriend out of their apartment. But it was Mayo who ended up leaving in handcuffs, authorities said, after her boyfriend revealed that the 33-year-old mother was the driver in a fatal hit-and-run crash 10 months ago in Pinellas Park. Mayo's own call to authorities ended up implicating her in the Feb. 4 death of Jeannie Fisher, who died three days before her 51st birthday. Fisher was walking east across northbound 66th Street N when she was hit and fatally injured in the center lane near the 9700 block, according to police. All Pinellas Park police knew then was that Fisher was struck by a Ford truck, possibly an SUV, that lost its passenger side mirror and front turn signal. But the case went cold for 10 months — until Monday evening. Mayo called deputies to remove her boyfriend, Robert Worden, according to the Sheriff's Office. He had just gotten out of the county jail after serving 40 days for obtaining property with a worthless check. Mayo said she was scared of him. Worden, 34, said he just wanted to see his 7-year-old daughter. The boyfriend agreed to leave his Palm Harbor apartment. But as Worden walked out with the deputies, he pointed to a damaged black 1997 Ford Ranger in the apartment complex parking lot. Worden told deputies that Mayo borrowed a neighbor's pickup on Feb. 4 to drive to Pinellas Park to buy marijuana, authorities said. That night, Worden told deputies, he said Mayo texted him that she had struck a deer. Then, weeks later, Worden told deputies, that Mayo told him that she had actually hit someone on 66th Street N. Mayo knew the person was dead, according to Worden, but was too scared of going to jail to stop. The pedestrian had violated the driver's right of way that night, according to police. But under Florida law, police said, the driver had a legal obligation to stop and identify herself. After Worden told deputies what he knew Monday night, the Sheriff's Office called the Pinellas Park Police Department, which sent officers to Palm Harbor to question Mayo. She confessed, according to police, and was arrested. When Pinellas Park police inspected the Ford Ranger they got their second break in the case that night: the neighbor's truck was still damaged and still missing parts. No repairs were made in the 10 months after the fatal crash. "We found pieces of the turn signal and the passenger side mirror at the scene (of Fisher's death)," said Pinellas Park police Sgt. Brian Unmisig, "and they matched the parts that the vehicle was missing." Mayo was also arrested on a warrant for driving with a suspended or revoked license. According to state records, her license was suspended in 2009 and 2010 for failing to pay traffic fines and last year she was cited for DUI. She was booked into the Pinellas jail, where she was being held Tuesday in lieu of $52,250 bail.
Tech Support Pits: From: Bob Re: Eliminate an address from Gmail Dear Webby, I have two problems; 1. My wife has Vista Home. She has Gmail as one of her email accounts. She wants to delete the program, but Vista does not have Delete/Add option in the control panel. How does she delete Gmail from her computer? 2. I have Windows XP SP3 and want to delete her email address from my gmail address book. I have searched the gmail program and cannot delete her address. Please help. Thank you. Daily Voter Bob Dear Bob 1) Gmail is not on her computer. She accesses it with a browser. There is nothing to uninstall. She can make a different email program her default email program. Depending on what program she wants to make the default email program, that is usually done from that program, and information on how to do it is available in the Help of that particular program. 2) To edit or delete a contact, open your Contacts list by clicking Contacts on the side of any page. Or, if you if you want to make changes to your Google Account's contacts without loading Gmail, you can use the standalone Contact Manager at https://www.google.com/contacts. To delete a contact: Select the contact in the Contacts list. Under the More actions drop-down menu, click Delete Contact. If you change your mind or mistakenly delete a contact, you'll be able to recover deleted contacts for 30 days. But 30 days after you delete a contact, it will be removed permanently. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Double Thread When Sewing Buttons To make sewing a button on easier and much faster, cut a long piece of thread. Select a needle with a bit larger than usual eye and double the thread in half. Thread the doubled end through the eye and now you have 4 strands of thread to work with. When you make the knot, you will be tying the 4 strands together. Twice the amount of thread to sew with and fewer stitches through the button. By banty from Chatom, AL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If the button is not for a delicate granny's blouse, but for pants or shirt of a rambunctious boy or man, use Dental Floss! Yes, ordinary or waxed Dental Floss. No need to double or lengthen the thread, since it is a hundred times stronger than thread. Focus on spreading the landing area on the fabric and try to have each stitch go through a fresh spot. Dental floss is stronger than the fabric, so for maximum strength, spread the load. Dental Floss also works fine for patching backpacks, tents, and sled dog harnesses. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For Pete's sake, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A state legislator is awakened in the middle of the night by his wife, who whispers, "I think there's a thief in the house." "Not in the House, my dear," her husband says. "In the Senate, sure, but in the House nobody ever got caught!"
» Wind & Waves





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Politically correct 

A Politically Correct Greeting For My NDP and Liberal Friends



Please accept with no obligation, implied or explicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.



I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2012 but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make Canada great. Not to imply that Canada is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only Canada in the Western Hemisphere . Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.



To My Conservative Friends:
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!



That should cover it…….



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Force Gmail to ask for password 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, December 7

Thank you Ron!
I will definitely make a bigger effort to find or guess the location
of pictures!

From Dr Bill:
MALE Urine is a commonly used rude antiseptic, and this cure 
will definitely help - good for getting rid of lice in the hair, and 
commonly used in early warfare - certainly as recently as the
 desert war in WWI (cf Lawrence of Arabia) - I grew up in the 
rural south where many old, and proven methods were still
 common knowledge among "folks" - what a schock when 
we moved to Calif. during the War and I discovered everybody 
ate Dinner in the back yard, and went to the bathroom in MALE Urine is a commonly used rude antiseptic, and this cure will definitely help - good for getting rid of lice in the hair, and commonly used in early warfare - certainly as recently as the desert war in WWI (cf Lawrence of Arabia) - I grew up in the rural south where many old, and proven methods were still common knowledge among "folks" - what a schock when we moved to Calif. during the War and I discovered everybody ate Dinner in the back yard, and went to the bathroom in House!
House!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

In literature as in love, we are astonished at what is chosen by others. --- Andre Maurois The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or not. ---George Bernard Shaw The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other. --- Will Rogers
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Jim strolls into the paint section of a hardware store and walks up to the assistant. "I'd like a pint of canary colored paint," he says. "Certainly," says the clerk. "Mind if I ask why you need it"? "My parakeet," says Jim. "See, I want to enter him in a canary contest. He sings so sweetly that I know he's sure to win." "Well, you can't do that!" the assistant says. "The chemicals in the paint will almost certainly kill the poor thing!" "No, they won't," Jim replies. "Listen, buddy, I'll bet you ten bucks your parakeet dies if you try to paint him." "You're on!" says Jim. Two days later, Jim comes back looking very sheepish and puts ten dollars on the counter in front of the clerk. "So, the paint killed your bird"? "Indirectly," Jim says. "He seemed to handle the paint okay, but he didn't survive the sanding between coats."
Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus! It is coming around again! Browser Redirect Virus This Virus Redirects Your Search Engine Results Symptoms Of The Redirect Virus are: * Google Redirects * Yahoo & Bing Redirects * Fake Popups Show * Cannot Remove it with most Antivirus programs If you noticed those symptoms, Click here to Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus!

A friend was laid up at home with the flu. His fiancee called and volunteered to come over and fix dinner and play nursemaid to him. He declined, not wanting to pass on the flu to her. "Okay honey", she told him, "We'll wait till after we get married. Then we can spend the rest of our lives making each other sick!"
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Thanks to all who sent this info! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Anthony Miranda Robber gets beate up and shot BS) CHICAGO - A convicted felon is in bad shape after a robbery gone wrong. The man he attempted to hold up turned out to be an martial arts expert and ultimate fighter. CBS Chicago reports that around 11:30 p.m. Friday, Anthony Miranda walked up to a car and asked the driver for a lighter. The driver said he didn't have one, and Miranda allegedly pulled a handgun and demanded money. Police say even after the driver gave up his money, Miranda told him to get out of the car. While Miranda's attention strayed for a moment, the victim grabbed control of the gun, causing Miranda to shoot himself in the ankle. Officers say the victim told them he is a martial arts expert and ultimate fighter. He was able to pin Miranda down until law enforcement arrived, finding the robber with cuts and bruises on his face. He was taken to a local hospital for treatment. The mug shot is from after he got cleaned up at the hospital. According to police, Miranda is a convicted felon. He is charged with armed robbery and aggravated discharge of a firearm. As of Sunday, he was being held on $350,000 bond, according to the Cook County Sheriff's office.
Tech Support Pits: From: Bonnie Re: Force Gmail to ask for password Dear Webby, knower of all things Gmail - I clicked the wrong thing one day & now when I access Gmail my address & password are right there - how do I undo that so I do have to sign in every time? Thanks a bunch. Bonnie Dear Bonnie There are only about as many remedies, as there are different browsers. However, the problem is due to purposely or accidentally telling the browser to remember your password for 30 days. Naturally, that is not a good idea for your at-work machine, especially if you have an extensive collection of mail about something, that is frowned upon at work, like fattening lunches. For FireFox: Click the Tools menu at the top of your browser, and select Options. Select the Security tab. Uncheck the option Remember passwords for sites. Press OK. For Google Chrome: Click the Tools menu Select Clear browsing data. Select Empty the cache and Delete cookies. Click Clear browsing data. For Internet Explorer 7: Click the Tools menu at the top of your browser, and select Internet Options. Open the Content tab at the top of the dialogue box. Click AutoComplete, then Settings button, and uncheck the User names and passwords on forms and Prompt me to save passwords boxes. Click OK. For other browsers it will probably be similar. Have FUN! DearWebby
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This was heard on a public transportation vehicle while in Orlando. "When you exit this vehicle, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step. If you fail to do so, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Pullout Shelves for Cupboards My cupboards are very large and deep, so it's difficult to reach or see and then retrieve, what is on the shelves toward the back. I found that medium to large cardboard box lids, plastic lids up to 4 inch depth - even containers of all sizes work. Place the items on the lid that you have placed on the shelf and pull the front edge of the lid toward you. Voila! You now have a sliding, pull-out shelf that costs next to nothing and you can see and retrieve items with greater ease! Try a few sizes and settle on the one that works best. I found sizes that use up most of the shelf space, or only what you want for that shelf. I used this technique with smaller lids and containers when we were full time RVers. By Eileen from Big Bear Lake, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Ben Kenobi and Luke Flyswatter are having a Chinese supper. Ben picks up the chopsticks and starts eating. Luke is having problems, there is food over his face, his clothes, and the table, but not much in his mouth. "What should I do?" he asks Ben. "Use the forks, Luke!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Little Oliver was attending his first Sunday school class. "Do you say your prayers before eating?" his teacher asked. "I don't have to," the boy said, "Since mom blew up the stove, dad is cooking."

» Pearl harbor Dec 7, 1941






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Creating PayPal buttons 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, December 6

Thanks Gordon!

Re the Thrush, Shirley sent this:
I remember my grandma telling about one of her babies having 
thrush. The old country doctor told her that as long as it 
was a boy, she should wipe out his mouth with the corner 
of his wet diaper. Girl urine was not suitable.
Thought you might get a charge out of this info.
Shirley

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing. --- Michael Pritchard Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be. --- William Hazlitt
Thanks to Nana for this one: When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure. When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure. When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems. When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice is really bad for you. Warn all your friends. --------- I sure am glad she did not mention coffee!
Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus! It is coming around again! Browser Redirect Virus This Virus Redirects Your Search Engine Results Symptoms Of The Redirect Virus are: * Google Redirects * Yahoo & Bing Redirects * Fake Popups Show * Cannot Remove it with most Antivirus programs If you noticed those symptoms, Click here to Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus!

Thanks to Dr Bill for reminding me of this one: A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done. The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the Monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door: 1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp. 2. There are 10 Commandments, not 12. 3. There are 12 Disciples, not 10. 4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. 7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook. 8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him. 9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass. 10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T" 11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body. He did not say "Eat me." 12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry." 13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God. 14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Amado Cardenas, 45, Stock Island, Florida Man trashes wrong apartment Not sure what the worst part of Amado Cardenas' burglary is -- the fact that he broke into the wrong apartment or the fact that the woman who lived there tried to wake him up the next morning because he'd passed out on the floor. According to the Monroe County Sheriff's Office, a woman returned to her Stock Island apartment around 7 a.m. Wednesday and found Cardenas, 45, fast asleep on the living-room floor. Aside from the fact that the woman found a stranger sleeping in her home, she also had to phone the cops because Cardenas wouldn't wake up. Cardenas was arrested, and police say the woman's apartment was "disturbed." "Cardenas had helped himself to alcoholic beverages, gone through her drawers, and taken cash and medications from her," MCSO Deputy Becky Herrin says. "He had also tried to take her flat-screen television off of the wall." After allegedly rummaging through the woman's stuff and pocketing some of it before having some drinks and calling it a night on the floor, police asked Cardenas what exactly he was doing. According to the cops, Cardenas said he thought he was at his ex-girlfriend's place. It may sound like a crappy excuse, but the sheriff's office says his ex-girlfriend actually does live next door to the woman, however, that was not accepted as a legitimate excuse and Cardenas was booked into jail on burglary and theft charges.
Tech Support Pits: From: Glenn Re: PayPal buttons Dear Webby I am trying to generate some PayPal buttons, but wind up with just a URL. That of course does not work. What am I doing wrong? Glenn Glenn, you can't do that with your phone while sitting at Hooters. You have to use a real compluter, so that you see all the code between <.form action and <./form> Then you can upload that or email it to me, and I will put it on your site. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A van carrying a dozen movie stuntmen on the way to a film location in the mountains spun out of control on the icy road, crashed through a guard-rail, rolled down a 90-foot embankment, turned over, and burst into flames. There were no injuries.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freezing Eggs Until a good friend shared this tip with me, I did not know that fresh eggs can be whisked together and frozen for up to six months. I have been doing this for over a year now. I buy large eggs when they are on sale in the 18 pack cartons. I keep out about six for use in the fridge and then whisk together whites and yolks of the remaining 12 eggs until just combined. I then measure them into my ice ice-cube trays, using 3 Tbsp. of the mixture per segment (3 Tbsp. is equivalent to 1 large egg). Freeze them until solid, then transfer the cubes to a freezer bag for up to 6 months. Don't forget to date the freezer bag. When ready to use take out one or more and thaw in the refrigerator. By Bobbie G from Rockwall, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A driver who was bringing a meticulously prepared and pre-dented bus to a location in New York City for an on-location movie shoot, was too early and drove to a nearby restaurant to wait there. Just to be funny, he carefully lined up the artificial dent at the front with a light pole. When he came back out of the restaurant, there were eight passengers in the bus, moaning and groaning about whiplash and talking to their lawyers on their cellphones.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Golfer walks into the pro shop at the local course and asks the golf pro if they sell ball markers. The golf pro says they do, and they are $1.00. The guy gives the golf pro a dollar... The golf pro opens the register, puts the dollar in and hands him a quarter.

» Worlds Biggest ChooChoo Set






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Infrequently used printer 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, December 5

Thanks for all the tips re thrush. I doubt I get a doctor's 
appointment in less than two weeks, but I definitely can
use Hydrogen peroxide and get some Cilantro from
the store. Did you know, that cilantro, Italian parsley, 
gets rid of the heavy metals, that are used as dye in 
angiograms angioplasty and similar medical procedures?
They sure don't tell you that in the hospital!

Today the sun set at 4:15 at exactly South-West. 
In just two weeks and a bit, the days will start to get 
longer again.

Hopefully the economy will pick up soon too. This 
starving writer career is getting rather tiring.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

First love is a kind of vaccination which saves a man from catching the complaint a second time. --- Honore de Balzac --------------- hmmm,... I must be immune to that vaccination.
There were two men who played golf together frequently. One was several strokes better than the other. The lesser player was very proud, and never wanted to take any strokes to even up the game. One Saturday morning, he shows up with a gorilla at the first tee. He says to his friend, "I've been trying to beat you for so long that I'm about ready to give up. But, I heard about this golfing gorilla, and I was wondering if it would be alright if he plays for me today. In fact if you're game, I'd like to try to get back all the money I've lost to you this year. I figure comes to about a thousand bucks. Are you willing?" The other guy thought about it for a minute, and then decided to play the gorilla. "After all, how good could a gorilla be at golf?" he thought. Well, the first hole was a straightaway par 4 of 450 yards. The guy hits a beautiful tee shot, 275 yards down the middle, leaving himself a 6 iron to the green. The gorilla takes a few powerful practice swings and then laces the ball 450 yards, right at the pin, stopping about 6 inches away from the hole. The guy turns to his friend and says "That's incredible, I would have never believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. But, you know what, I've seen enough. I've got no interest in being totally humiliated by this gorilla golfing machine. You send this frigging gorilla back to where he comes from. I need a drink, better make it a double, and I'll write you a check." After handing over the check, and well into his second double the guy asks, "By the way, how's that gorilla's putting?" The other guy replies, "Same as his driving." "That good, huh?" "No, I mean, he hits putts the same way - 450 yards, right down the middle!"
Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus! It is coming around again! Browser Redirect Virus This Virus Redirects Your Search Engine Results Symptoms Of The Redirect Virus are: * Google Redirects * Yahoo & Bing Redirects * Fake Popups Show * Cannot Remove it with most Antivirus programs If you noticed those symptoms, Click here to Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus!

"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday school class. "NO!" the children all answered. "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?" Again the answer was,"NO!" "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children and loved my wife, would that get me into heaven?" I asked them again. Once more they all answered, "NO!" "Well," I continued, thinking they were a good bit more theologically sophisticated than I had given them credit for, "Then how can I get into heaven?" A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOT TO BE DEAD!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Phillip Winikoff, 81, of Coconut Creek, FL Octogenarian convicted of faking breast exams FORT LAUDERDALE (CBSMiami.com) - A Broward man accused in a phony breast exam scheme will serve a little more than one year in jail as part of a plea deal reached with prosecutors. Phillip Winikoff, 81, of Coconut Creek, was also sentenced to two years of community control and has to register as a sex offender for 15 years. Prosecutors said he posed as a doctor and offered door-to-door breast exams at a Lauderdale Lakes apartment complex in 2006. Investigators said two women took him up on the offer and realized something was wrong after the exams started. Winikoff had faced upwards of 55 years in prison if he had been convicted of sexual battery and practicing medicine without a license. There are no mugshots of the two women, who fell for the prank and complained to the cops.
Tech Support Pits: From: Elaine Re: Infrequently used printer Dear Webby I don't know if the word "infrequently" is the right one for my situation. I use my printer once a month, but when I do, then I use it all day long for two days. Naturally, printers don't like that and the first couple hours I struggle to get it to print right. What is the solution? Elaine Dear Elaine SOME printers don't like that. If you insist on using a cheap ink squirter and cussing at it every month, get on good terms with a good ink supplier like Atlantic InkJet and arrange auto-shipments of ink. No, don't buy a year's worth, arrange auto-shipment of FRESH ink once a month. From Atlantic InkJet you get actually fresh cartridges, not some, that have been drying out on a shelf at Walmart for a year. The alternative is to get a laser printer. They don't pout if you ignore them for a month, or a year, since they use a dry powder instead of liquid ink. Another benefit of laserprinters is that they are true page printers, and always have been. There is no slow one line at a time grunting, it just spits out a batch of pages like photocopiers do. Plain black lasers are under $100, and you can get toner for them from Atlantic InkJet too. Replacing toner is not a messy affair and you don't need protective clothing and gloves. You simply pop out the empty cartridge and stick in a new one. Nothing spills and nobody gets dirty. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, you don't understand!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shaving Tips When shaving, first I use an electric shaver. Before I finish up with a straight razor, I use some moisturizer on my face. It eliminates razor burns and cuts. It really works quite well. By Garyblue from Knoxville, TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Teacher: Little Johnny, go to the map and find North America. Little Johnny: Here it is! Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? Class: Little Johnny!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The local parish had a fairly new priest. He had wonderful, innovative ideas that were, for the most part accepted by the congregation. His mentor - a "higher ranking" priest came for a visit - to see how he was doing. After looking the parish over, the senior priest said, "Father John, your idea of a drive through confessional is wonderful. That makes it convenient for your church members. And, Father John, it was a really good idea to have the confessional open 24 hours a day, for those who do shift work. However, Father John... that flashing neon sign that says "TOOT and TELL or GO to HELL" ... well, that has to go.

» Snow Palace







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I'm Trying To Offend 

If any of these jokes offend you, my work is done

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said “You’re pulling my leg.”

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor – she only had $1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker. Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend yet.

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, “You’re obviously not listening”.

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So, I went back to the thrift shop to get all her clothes back.

A buddy of mine has just told me he’s getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said “How can you tell them apart?” He said “Her brother’s got a mustache.”

Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook. I said, “I can’t wait for the new 911 to arrive!” Next thing I know 4,000 dumbass Muslims have added me as a friend!!




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What kind of bird? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, December 4

Looks like I picked up a case of thrush at the hospital. Tongue
burning as if scalded with too hot coffee, but looking whiteish,
and food tasting awful. Dianne told me on Skype, that is 
called thrush and a yeast infection of the tongue, and requires a
prescription antibiotic quickly. Guess I will gargle with 
Hydrogen Peroxide until I can get a doctor's appointment,
unless one of you knows of an effective home remedy.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. --- George Bernard Shaw
A clerk in a bakery notices a customer carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. "What would you like?" the clerk asks. "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish," the customer says. With a sigh he adds, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin."
Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus! It is coming around again! Browser Redirect Virus This Virus Redirects Your Search Engine Results Symptoms Of The Redirect Virus are: * Google Redirects * Yahoo & Bing Redirects * Fake Popups Show * Cannot Remove it with most Antivirus programs If you noticed those symptoms, Click here to Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus!

Two mothers are talking about a friend who has just given birth to triplets. "You know, that only happens one in 12,000 times," says one. "Amazing," says the other. "How did she ever find time to do any housework?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Elyse De Stefano Lorain man accused of trying to steal Amherst police car AMHERST, Ohio - Officers arrested a Lorain man they say tried to steal an Amherst police car on Tuesday. The incident happened outside the police station just before 7 p.m. while an officer was leaving to check on a car crash. According to a news release from the Amherst Police Department, the officer noticed a man sitting in the driver’s seat of police car 107 with the doors locked. Officers tried to unlock the cruiser’s doors, but were unable to remove the man from the car. Police said the man, 38-year-old Peter Theado, of Lorain, used the computer inside the cruiser and the police radio to ask dispatch how to put the car in gear. Theado told officers he wanted to take the car out on “patrol” to protect the people of Amherst, the news release said. He then told police that he wanted to be a police officer, but was disappointed that he couldn’t get the car in drive, Amherst police said. The police department said the cruiser was not running at the time. The keys were inside, but the car has a security system. Theado was charged with criminal trespassing, attempted grand theft, obstruction of official business and unauthorized use of a police computer. He was taken to the Lorain County Correctional Facility.
Tech Support Pits: From: Ruth Re: What kind of bird did Ophelia have on Saturday? Forwarded by Ophelia: Just curious, I've never seen birds like the one in your newsletter today. Do you know what kind of bird they are? Ruth Dear Ruth I wrote to Sandie and she gave me the correct info: It is a Mandarin Duck (Aix galericulata) Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man goes to a clinic early on a Monday morning and asks to see a doctor. He appears to be in great pain, and his hands are in bandages. The nurse looks at him sympathetically. "Arthritis, with complications?" she asks. "No," groans the man. "Do-it-yourself, with concrete blocks." -------------- If that happens to you, and you get the typical infected and lime aggravated wounds from working with concrete or concrete blocks, do the dishes! Soapy, hot dishwater and a bit of dissolved grease and gravy will heal the hands faster than anything!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clean Your Children's Bath Toys Every 4-6 months, I clean my kids' bath toys because of a scummy buildup. After their evening bath, I soak all the toys in a mild solution of bleach water until the next afternoon (the bleach does not fade the toys). Be sure to squeeze out the toys first (you may be amazed or disgusted at what comes out!), so the clean water can fill them. Sometimes they need a little brushing in the crevices with an old toothbrush. Rinse them in warm water, being sure to squeeze each toy again to remove the bleach water collected inside. By Kelli from Sentani, Indonesia http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Mrs. Monroe was scheduled to fly from Michigan to Germany, where her husband was stationed in the military. As she checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked her some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?" he asked. She told him that her mother-in-law had given her a parcel to take to her son. He looked at her very carefully and asked: "Does she like you?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two dogs were walking down the street. The one dog says to the other, "Wait here a minute, I'll be right back." He walks across the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for about a minute, then walks back across the street. The other dog says, "What was that about?" The dog first dog says, "I was just checking my p-mail."

» Christmas Train







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Fragile Z-Arm desk lamps 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, December 3

Many readers pointed out to me that, when Iran raided the US
embassy and university in 1979, Obama was a teenage Muslim
in Indonesia, and cheering for Iran. Unlike Americans and 
PRO-Americans his age or older, his emotional connection
is on the opposite side. His lame, pro-forma response showed
yet again, on which side he is on. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. --- Herbert Spencer "I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?" --- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Three churches - Baptist, Methodist, and Presbyterian - worked together to sponsor a community-wide revival. After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another. The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained 4 new families." The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained 6 new families." The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!"
Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus! It is coming around again! Browser Redirect Virus This Virus Redirects Your Search Engine Results Symptoms Of The Redirect Virus are: * Google Redirects * Yahoo & Bing Redirects * Fake Popups Show * Cannot Remove it with most Antivirus programs If you noticed those symptoms, Click here to Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus!

A woman walked up to the manager of a Walmart store. "Are you hiring any help?" she asked. "No," he said. "We already have all the staff we need." "In that case, would you mind trying to find someone to help me in sporting goods?" she asked. --------------- That's when we heard over the PA system: "I got somebody by the balls in sporting goods and need some help."
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Kimberley Crain, who got yesterday's Bonehead Award, has been arrested today. An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Elyse De Stefano Busted For Tearing Down Wanted Posters A University of Iowa student was arrested Tuesday night for tearing down wanted posters featuring the photo of a friend being sought in connection with the attempted murder of a police officer. Elyse De Stefano, 21, copped to tearing down four posters at a Kum & Go market, according to a criminal complaint. The posters offered a $2000 reward for information leading to the identity and arrest of a man who nearly choked an Iowa City cop to death during a mid-November confrontation. During questioning, De Stefano said she “freaked out” when she saw the posters, since she recognized the suspect as Branden Plummer. De Stefano told cops that her roommate dates Plummer’s roommate, and that she tore down the posters “so others would not recognize Plummer,” according to a criminal complaint. Police, who began putting up the wanted posters Tuesday, arrested Plummer hours later. Plummer, a 20-year-old University of Iowa student, was charged with the attempted murder of Sergeant Brian Krei. De Stefano, pictured above, was cited for misdemeanor criminal mischief for tearing down the posters, which cops valued at $2 apiece.
Tech Support Pits: From: Frank Re: Fragile Z-Arm desk lamps Dear Webby, you have on a few occasions recommended those Z-Arm desk lamps for use with spiral lightbulbs. I don't remember seeing you mention, that they are extremely fragile, and with the extra weight of those heavy spiral bulbs, don't last more than half a year. Is there a way to fix the stem, that breaks off? Frank Dear Frank Yes, they use a very cheap bakelite type plastic with soot and sawdust mixed in as filler,and a poorly designed hollow stem, that WILL break at the earliest opportunity. It is designed to keep their factory in China busy, not to keep you happy. I usually just saw off the broken stem and file the surface flat and smooth. Then I epoxy the head of a 1/2" bolt onto it. That just fits into the hole, where the stem used to go in. So far, regular 5 Minute 2-component Epoxy has outlasted the original plastic by years. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Some engineers from the U.S.G.S. surveyed some property and found that in a certain area, the New Hampshire and Maine border must be changed. They stopped to inform a farmer that he was no longer in Maine, but in New Hampshire. After a long pause, he grunted and said, "That's good. I couldn't take another one of these Maine winters anyway."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Cats Out of the Garden To keep cats out of the garden, make some small holes in the bottom of an old plastic milk jug. Put some mothballs inside the jug and put lid back on it. Hang it on your garden fence or close to the garden. A lot of animals don't like the smell of mothballs and you put them in the jug to keep them dry so they smell longer. This won't harm the little kitty. By mamacrafter from TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
There's this cathedral that's still being worked on, and the workers have rigged a "cage elevator" inside so they can get material up and down to the upper floors. A characteristic of these "cage elevators" is that the doors (gate) must be closed manually for them to be "called" to another floor. One day one of the workers, Peter by name, takes the elevator to the top floor, and it is subsequently needed on the first floor by the sexton. Unfortunately, Peter forgot and left the door open. After the sexton rings for the elevator a couple times, to no avail, he yells up for the worker to send the lift back down. Visitors to the cathedral were treated to this sight: The sexton of the cathedral, head tipped up, yelling to the heavens: "Peter! CLOSE THE GATE !"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
From Manny My dry cleaner very generously provides a stack of free news- papers for his customers. As I took my copy, I told him, "I hope the business grows enough to offset the cost of the papers." "Oh, don't worry about us," he chuckled... "Nothing dirties clothes faster than newsprint."

» Funky Flora and Fauna







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How to get rid of browser hijackers 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, December 2
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support of the troops!


Thank you Al & Sue!

Obama seems to be desperately trying to be a worse president 
than Carter was. After the Iranians stormed the British embassy 
with full government support and media coverage, Obama made 
some lame ass comments, that the Iranian Government should
hold somebody or other responsible for that. 

Where was he, when the Iranians stormed the US embassy in 
1979 and took over 50 people hostage for over a year? 
THAT was totally unforgiveable and unforgettable.

I guess it is rather obvious on which side Obama is on!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. --- Oscar Wilde The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be. --- Paul Valery
The personnel manager was impressing the applicant with the prospective job. "We make parts for microscopes. You'll be required to work with lenses that are thousandths of an inch thick." "I can handle it," the applicant said, "I used to slice meat in a delicatessen."
Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus! It is coming around again! Browser Redirect Virus This Virus Redirects Your Search Engine Results Symptoms Of The Redirect Virus are: * Google Redirects * Yahoo & Bing Redirects * Fake Popups Show * Cannot Remove it with most Antivirus programs If you noticed those symptoms, Click here to Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus!

Thanks to Lillemor for this one: Subject: 57 cent church A little girl stood near a small church from which she had been turned away because it was "too crowded." I can't go to Sunday School," she sobbed to the pastor as he walked by. Seeing her shabby, unkempt appearance, the pastor guessed the reason and, taking her by the hand, took her inside and found a place for her in the Sunday school class. The child was so happy that they found room for her, and she went to bed that night thinking of the children who have no place to worship Jesus. Some two years later, this child lay dead in one of the poor tenement buildings. Her parents called for the kindhearted pastor who had befriended their daughter to handle the final arrangements. As her poor little body was being moved, a worn and crumpled red purse was found which seemed to have been rummaged from some trash dump. Inside was found 57 cents and a note, scribbled in childish handwriting, which read: "This is to help build the little church bigger so more children can go to Sunday School." For two years she had saved for this offering of love. When the pastor tearfully read that note, he knew instantly what he would do. Carrying this note and the cracked, red pocketbook to the pulpit, he told the story of her unselfish love and devotion. He challenged his deacons to get busy and raise enough money for the larger building. But the story does not end there... A newspaper learned of the story and published It. It was read by a wealthy realtor who offered them a parcel of land worth many thousands. When told that the church could not pay so much, he offered to sell it to the little church for 57 cents. Church members made large donations. Checks came from far and wide. Within five years the little girl's gift had increased to $250, 000.00--a huge sum for that time (near the turn of the century). Her unselfish love had paid large dividends. When you are in the city of Philadelphia, look up Temple Baptist Church , with a seating capacity of 3,300. And be sure to visit TempleUniversity, where thousands of students are educated. Have a look, too, at the Good Samaritan Hospital and at a Sunday School building which houses hundreds of beautiful children, built so that no child in the area will ever need to be left outside during Sunday school time. In one of the rooms of this building may be seen the picture of the sweet face of the little girl whose 57 cents, so sacrificially saved, made such remarkable history. Alongside of it is a portrait of her kind pastor, Dr. Russell H. Conwell, author of the book, "Acres of Diamonds". This is a true story, which goes to show WHAT GOD CAN DO WITH 57 CENTS. REMEMBER to make a wish before you read the prayer. That's all you have to do. There is nothing attached. This is a powerful novena. Just send this to four people and let me know what happens on the fourth day.... May today there be peace within. May you trust your highest power that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into our bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing and dance. It is there for each and every one of you.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Kimberly Crain, 48, Shawnee, Oklahoma Elementary School Teacher Probed Over Bra And Panties Party Police are investigating an Oklahoma elementary school teacher who hosted a tree trimming party at her home attended by several third graders whom the educator videotaped wearing Christmas-themed naughty bras and panties she provided to the girls. In the face of a Shawnee Police Department probe, Kimberly Crain, 48, submitted her resignation as a third grade teacher at McLoud Elementary School. The resignation of Crain was announced yesterday by school administrators. The investigation of Crain began earlier this month when a parent told police that her daughter had been invited, along with other girls, to Crain’s residence for a pizza party. The child told her parents that “they dressed up in bras and panties and decorated the tree and ate pizza.” Under questioning by her parents, the girl revealed that Crain “took photos of her and her friends decorating the tree,” and that some of the girls “made up a cheer dance and did it in the bra and panties while Crain videotaped them.” According to a search warrant affidavit, Crain told the girls that, “she had something for them to change into” at her home. The bras and panties--imprinted with phrases like “Ho! Ho!”--were on a bed, and “Crain had all of the girls into the bedroom, one by one, and change into the bras and panties.” Two girls did not want to change into the bras, so they just wore a t-shirt with the panties, according to the affidavit. But “Crain told them that they needed to go put the bras on,” police reported. A detective secured the warrant to search Crain’s residence for computer equipment, cell phones, digital storage devices, and other material. The affidavit reveals that, after cops began investigating the pizza party, another third grade student reported troubling behavior by Crain. The child reported that “Crain has all the kids in her class Skype over the computer with an older man wearing glasses named ‘Uncle G.’” The man is not further identified in the affidavit. Additionally, the child told police that, several times a week, Crain “takes photos of particular girls in the class, posing on the desk and chairs, using her personal cell phone.”
Tech Support Pits: From: Doe Re: Browsers hijacked It would seem my homepage got hijacked. It used to always open at Yahoo, which was by my choice. Now, Google opens twice, I cannot seem to remove it. Have tried all I know. I used Crap cleaner & Spybot, re-set my preferences. Still, lo & behold, I get Google again. Any ideas? Dear Doe That sounds typical for the Redirect Virus, that was quite popular last winter and spring, but seems to be coming around again. There IS a fix, but just like fixing a washing machine, it is not quite free. Luckily I still have the link to get the remover: http://webby.com/goor By the way, hijacking your home page is just the most visible of the things, that that virus does. It also opens a back-door for hackers to come into your machine. Hope you use the fix and remove it soon, instead of continuing to spread it! Have FUN! DearWebby
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A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court." He smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not run a red light' five hundred times."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Cats Out of the Garden To keep cats out of the garden, make some small holes in the bottom of an old plastic milk jug. Put some mothballs inside the jug and put lid back on it. Hang it on your garden fence or close to the garden. A lot of animals don't like the smell of mothballs and you put them in the jug to keep them dry so they smell longer. This won't harm the little kitty. By mamacrafter from TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to purchase and wear his first kilt. A couple of weeks before his important birthday, a young lad went to a tailor shop and found the material he wanted for his first kilt. He took the material to the tailor and said, "I'd like ye to make me a kilt with this material here and, if ye don't mind, I'd like ye to make me a pair of matching underwear for it. I hear it gets a might drafty up dem tings!" So the tailor took the material and promised to call the young lad when the order was completed. A few days later the tailor called the lad back to the shop. "Here's ye kilt, and here's ye matching underwear and here's five yards of the material left over. Ye might want to take it home and keep it in case you want anything else made of it." So the lad rushed home with his order, threw the material in his room, and donned his kilt. In his excitement, he decided to run to his girlfriend's house to show off his new purchase. Unfortunately, in his excitement, he forgot to don his underwear. When his girlfriend answered the door, he pointed to his kilt and said, "Well, what'd ye think?" "Ah, but dat's a fine looking kilt," she exclaimed. "Aye, and if ye like it, ye'll really like what's underneath," he stated as he lifted his kilt to show her. "Oh, but dat's a dandy," his girlfriend shouted admiringly. Still not realizing that he didn't have his underwear on, he exclaimed quite proudly, "Aye, and if ye like it, I've got five more yards of it at home...!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"I'm telling you, Mary, I've never been happier", Nancy told her friend. "I have two boyfriends. One is just fabulous...handsome, sensitive, caring, considerate, and rich." What in the world do you need the second one for?" Mary asked. "Oh," Nancy replied, "the second one is straight."

» The Bhutan







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Show all running programs in Windows 7 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, December 1

8 inches of dry snow and a nasty wind. 
Did do a two mile walk anyway!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Destiny is for people who are too lazy to create alternate timelines. --- R. Stevens Much of the social history of the Western world over the past three decades has involved replacing what worked with what sounded good. --- Thomas Sowell
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time then said 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

Once upon a time the Government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of nowhere. The Government said, "Someone may steal from the scrap yard at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person (bilingual, naturally) for the job. Then the Government said, "How can the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a Planning Department and hired two people; one person to write the job description and one person to do time studies. Then the Government said, "How will we know the night watchman is performing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people; one to do the studies and one to write the reports. Then the Government said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions: a Time Keeper and a Payroll Officer; then hired two more people to assist. Then the Government said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an Administrative Section and hired three people: an Administrative Officer, an Assistant Administrative Officer and a Legal Secretary. Then the Government said, "We have had this organization in operation for only one year and we are $180,000 over budget; we must cut back our overall costs." So they laid off the night watchman. The following week Jose, the former night watchman, and his relatives, carted away the scrap and sold it to a scrap dealer for a very nice profit.
Click through for the large version. Roughing it, without a pilow!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Andri Jeffers, 26, Castle Canyon Mesa, AZ Robber's 'bomb' was a toy penguin DEWEY-HUMBOLDT, Ariz. (UPI) -- Authorities in Arizona said a woman who claimed to be concealing a bomb under her shirt while robbing a service station was actually holding a toy penguin. Yavapai County sheriff's deputies said Andri Jeffers, 26, claimed to be concealing a bomb under her shirt Thursday when she demanded money from a clerk at the Chevron Station on Highway 69 in Dewey-Humboldt, KPHO-TV, Phoenix, reported Tuesday. Investigators said Jeffers eventually fled the store when the clerk refused to cooperate and deputies identified the suspect from security camera footage and her license plate number, which was taken down by the clerk. Jeffers was arrested Thursday evening at her home in Castle Canyon Mesa. Deputies said she admitted to the incident and they learned the object she was holding beneath her shirt was a toy penguin. Jeffers was arrested on one count of attempted robbery and was later released on bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Steve Re: Show all running programs in Windows 7 Dear Webby, Hope this finds you in good health. Is there a way to force Win7 to tell you all programs that are running? Including the ones running in the background? THANK YOU for all your effort & time. Steve Der Steve You can use Ctrl + Shift + Esc to open Task Manager directly, and see all the running programs. You can sort them by the amount of memory they have booked and reserved fo themselves. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Scotty for this one: Hospital regulations here require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a volunteer, I found one elderly gentleman--already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet--who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked if his wife was meeting him. "I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pillow Case as Sewing Machine Cover For an inexpensive sewing machine cover, purchase a good quality pillow case from the thrift store or yard sale. Cut and shape the bottom, fancy open end to fit your sewing machine. Sew across the edge you just cut. You can add lace or whatever you like to embellish it. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Actual writings on British hospital charts: Here they have done away with the charts up on the bed headboard and use computers. That way, any involved doctor can look up the chart and comments 24 hours a day, and decide whether he can sleep in or battle rush-hour traffic. However, in England they apparently still use the paper charts. 1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. 4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission. 7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 8. The patient refused autopsy. 9. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. 12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 13. She is numb from her toes down. 14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. 15. The skin was moist and dry. 16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 17. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead. 25. Skin: somewhat pale but present. 26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. 27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. 28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. 29. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A client recently brought her two cats in to my husband's veterinary clinic for their annual checkup. One was a small-framed, round tiger-striped tabby, while the other was a long, sleek black cat. She watched closely as I put each on the scale. "They weigh about the same," I told her. "That proves it!" she exclaimed. "Black does make you look slimmer. And stripes make you look fat."

» Brinicle Beneath







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How Cold Was It? 

It was so cold . . .
we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!

It was so cold...
hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!

It was so cold...
roosters were rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!

It was so cold . . .
when I dialed 911, a recorded message said to phone back in the spring!

It was so cold . . .
the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses!

It was so cold . . .
kids were using a new excuse to stay up late: "But Mom, my pyjamas haven't thawed out yet!"

It was so cold . . .
the travel agency was advertising tropical vacations in Igloolik!

It was so cold . . .
pickpockets were sticking their hands in strangers' pockets just to keep them warm!

It was so cold . . .
the squirrels in the park were throwing themselves at an electric fence!

It was so cold . . .
I chipped a tooth on my soup!

It was so cold . . .
Grandpa’s teeth were chattering - in the glass!

It was so cold . . .
the dogs were wearing cats!

It was so cold . . .
Starbucks was serving coffee on a stick!

It was so cold . . .
Levi Strauss started manufacturing electric jeans!

It was so cold . . .
the rats were bribing the alley cats for a snuggle.

It was so cold . . .
we had to chop up the piano for firewood - but we only got two chords.

It was so cold . . .
we had to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our parkas!

It was so cold...
kids stopped worrying about acne. The new problem - goosepimples!

It was so cold . . .
when we milked the cows, we got ice cream!
When we milked the brown cows - we got chocolate ice cream!

It was so cold . . .
words froze in the air. If you wanted to hear what someone said, you had to grab a handful of sentences and take them in by the fire!

It was so cold . . .
the dogs had to put jumper cables on the rabbits - just to get them running!

It was so cold . . .
Playboy magazine stopped publishing because no women would take their clothes off.

It was so cold . . .
we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside it to warm up!

It was so cold . . .
the Husky Association was making emergency service calls to get the dog teams started! Then...

It was so cold . . .
when we parked the sled, we either had to plug in the dogs - or keep them running in place!



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How to grab individual PPS pictrues 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, November 30

In case you noticed, that I didn't send a Humor Letter for 
Tuesday, it's because some very cute nurses at Foothills
Hospital kidnapped me and tied me down with a whole bunch
of EKG wires, and flirted at me all evening and night.

Actualy, when the docs did an angioplasty, they saw that one
of the stents, that they had installed in March, had collapsed,
and since I was already hooked up, they decided that needed
fixing. I figured, that would happen immediately, but apparently
the fixer is a specialist, and the ones, who were doing the 
angiogram, are not. So I spent a few hours waiting for a pair
of busy specialists to have time. 

Once they showed up, one with me for the bloody stuff, and
one at the starwars console behind the thick lead glass, it went 
fairly fast. 

They do it without narcotics, since healing is much faster 
that way, and every now and then they ask for feedback.
It is quite an interesting procedure, but not something I 
want done too often. Supposedly it is all fixed now,
and as long as I do a lot of walking in fresh air, it should be 
OK from now on.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought. --- Simon Cameron An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. ---- H. L. Mencken
A little boy returning home from school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?" His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, the little lad produced a football team enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, a man decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." The woman went home with the man. The next day she became his stepmother. (Men will never learn)
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Mark Thomas Wach, 43, of Palm City 'Fighting 'what redneck people do' PALM CITY, Fla., Nov. 28 (UPI) -- Police in Florida said a man arrested for allegedly brawling with his son told officers he shouldn't be arrested because "fighting is what redneck people do." The Martin County Sheriff's Office said Mark Thomas Wach, 43, of Palm City was arrested Nov. 20 on charges, including aggravated domestic assault with a firearm and domestic battery, TCPalm.com reported Monday. Investigators said Wach's 18-year-old son told deputies he confronted his father about 45 minutes before deputies arrived because the older man was intoxicated and shooting his pistol at the son's lawn mower in the yard of the 18-year-old's home, TCPalm.com said. The son said he took the handgun from Wach, who left but came back a short time later with a shotgun he allegedly pointed at the younger man. The two men fought until a passing deputy noticed the altercation, investigators said. Wach allegedly refused to comply with the deputy's demands that he stop fighting and he was shocked three times with a stun gun before being taken into custody. Deputies said Wach did not understand why he was being arrested. "He then stated that he shoots in the yard all the time and that fighting is what redneck people do," the arrest report states.
Tech Support Pits: From: Steve Re: Grab individual PPS pictures Dear Webby, Do you know if there is a way to remove individual pictures from a powerpoint presentation? I get these from friends all the time, but sometimes there's only one picture I want to keep out of the bunch. Thanks Steve Dear Steve Just download and install Open Office. It includes Impress, and with that you can view a PPS file in editing mode, strip the sappy comments some people slobber over the pictrues, and copy individual pictures. You can even delete unsuitable pictures from a PPS or replace them with better ones. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?"The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?" "Yes granddaughter, it's me." "It's really, really you, grandmother?", the woman repeats. "Yes, it's really me, granddaughter." The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?" "Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me." The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you." "Anything, my child." "Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Funnel as a String Dispenser For a handy way to have string at your fingertips, try this. Hang a cheap funnel as a dispenser, with the roll of twine or string in the top and the end running down through the spout. This is nice for a kitchen, basement, garage shop, or garden. Just keep a small knife handy to cut the twine or string. This will also keep you from having tangles and knots in the string or twine. It might even work for yarn for knitting or crocheting. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ For yarn and wool use a tobacco or coffee tin with a screw-top lid, and punchor melt a smooth hole into the bottom. The can will keep dust off your yarn or wool, and can be stacked when not in use.. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack." "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death." "Well, then, we need a urine sample." "I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar." "All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line." "I can't do that, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm too drunk to walk."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.

» R Pike's Pix







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Problems with wide monitors 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, November 28

Thank you, Sig!
By the time you read this, I'll be on the road to Calgary, 
for an angiogram, or already there.

Sunday was not a good day at all. I didn't get to end
Saturday until 7am on Sunday.
When I returned to the net around 10, there was a wicked
storm going on and frequent powwer failures. I saw a car 
getting passed by an eavestrough, and speeding up rather 
suddenly.

I should have gone back to bed, but with daylight and lots 
of work to do, that simply did not occur to me at the time.
Finally I had to, because the power went out for good, not
just brief interruptions.

When the power came back and stayed on for ten minutes,
I booted up the main machine again, well, I tried to.

UNMOUNTABLE_BOOT_VOLUME
That sure is a horrible feeling!

Sent a message to Jerome in Texas, but considering it was
Sunday, didn't expect an instant reply.

When he did reply in the evening, we tried a few things, but
came to the conclusion,that I should fedEx the drive to him,
since anything I tried, would most likely make things worse.
Earliest I can can do that is Tuesday.

Hope you had a LOT more fun than me this this weekend!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Some folks are wise and some are otherwise. --- Tobias George Smolett Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. --- Karl Marx "It's what you learn after you know it all that counts." ---- John Wooden
A man is being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turns yellow, just in front of him. He does the honest thing, and stops at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman hits the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she misses her chance to get through the intersection with him. As she is still in mid-rant, she hears a tap on her window and looks up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer orders her to exit her car with her hands up. He takes her to the police station where she is searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a cell. After a couple of hours, a police officer approaches the cell and opens the door. She is escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer is waiting with her personal effects. He says, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk." "Naturally, I had to assume you had stolen the car."
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to two final applicants -- one of which would get the job. The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid. Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself. "He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him. He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know. Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself -- that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education." Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial education?" "Oh," replied Jim -- "Yale." "That's very good ... excellent. You're hired!" "Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?" Jim answered "I don't care... Yim... or Mr. Yonson."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Theodore Benner, 20, of Chalfont, Pa. Police Nab Daycare Bunny Thief Police in Wisconsin said they arrested a 20-year-old student accused of stealing a rabbit from a daycare facility inside a church. Appleton police said Lawrence University student Theodore Benner of Chalfont, Pa., allegedly broke into the Memorial Presbyterian Church about two blocks from campus Nov. 13 and stole the rabbit, named Twinkle, from a room used for daycare during the week, WLUK-TV, Green Bay, Wis., reported Thursday. Police said officers responded to a medical call in Brenner's dorm four days after the burglary and an officer recognized a caged rabbit in Brenner's room as matching the description of the missing bunny. Sgt. Pat DeWall said the rabbit was returned to the daycare facility and Brenner was arrested on charges of burglary and possession of marijuana. He was released after posting a $2,500 cash bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Mark Re: Wide Monitor Dear Webby, My wife told me tht you had written, that wide monitors are @#$%&! and a waste of money. The dealer tol us that they are a better deal, since they add extra space on the side. What's the truth now? Mark Dear Mark Go to that dealer and use one of their display machines to bring up MapQuest, and get it to show directions from home to work, or some other route, that you have seen on MapQuest. You will find that the top third has been sawed off. If you shrink the map to see as much of the route, as you are used to seeing, the writing is too small to read. The same goes for spreadsheets. The top third or bottom third is sawed off. Sure, you COULD get used to the sawed off configuration, but why bother, when 4:3 monitors, square monitors and even 3:4 (tall) monitors are for sale, if you look around a bit. . Have FUN! DearWebby
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FACT: Statistics show that teen age prenancy drops off significantly after age 25. Bubba's OPINION: If English was good enough for King James and Jesus Christ, then it's good enough for me.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remove Condensation from Car Windows When your windshield steams up on you, a clean blackboard eraser kept in the glove compartment of your car or truck can be quite handy for wiping off the moisture. The eraser is less bulky than a cloth and doesn't shed lint on the glass. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A voice on the office loudspeaker announced: "We will be testing the speaker system to make sure it will work pro- perly in case of emergency. If you are unable to hear this announcement, please call Bev at the front desk." Everybody called to tell her that they did not hear the announcement.

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email links to PHP pages 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, November 27

Thank you, Sig!

The echocardiogram on Thursday seems to have been OK.
I would imagine, that if it wasn't, somebody would tell me.
The technician, who performed it, seemed cute enough, 
but had absolutely no sense of humor.

Tomorrow I have to drive into Calgary, an hour and a half 
away, for an angiogram, and be there at 06:30. Mine is just
a check-up, and people, who have heart attacks tomorrow
and need urgent operations, have priority, but they figure
I should be out of there by 9 PM, when they go home. 
Hopefully it will be earlier than that!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

By the way, there is nothing I can do about the voting at 
the Ezinefinder. They are totally independent and not on
any of our servers. They seem to be running again now.


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The world is full of people whose notion of a satisfactory future is, in fact, a return to the idealised past. --- Robertson Davies Some folks are wise and some are otherwise. --- Tobias George Smolett Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. --- Karl Marx
A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

A woman answers her front door and sees a little boy holding a list. "Lady," he explains, "I'm on a scavenger hunt, and I still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar." "Wow," the woman replies. "Who sent you on such a challenging scavenger hunt?" "My babysitter's boyfriend."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Denarrio Lyndrell Reed, 19 in Ridgeland, MS lora man charged in Ridgeland crime spree Authorities said a Flora man led Ridgeland police on a wild chase Saturday night, causing several accidents and ending in a brawl in the street. Ridgeland Lt. John Neal said around 5:30 p.m. Saturday, Ridgeland Police Department received a call of an accident on Lake Harbor Drive by the Wendover Subdivision. Neal said Denarrio Reed, 19, was westbound on Lake Harbor when he came up on some traffic and ran off in a ditch. When a good Samaritan got out of his white Chevy Trailblazer, Reed stole the SUV and proceeded up Lake Harbor toward U.S. 51. As Reed fled through Pear Orchard, he caused several small accidents, including one with minor injuries, Neal said. When he got to Wolcott Circle, he ran into the back of a vehicle and got out of the Trailblazer. At that point, he tried to pull a woman out of a car she was occupying with her elderly parents, and when she wouldn’t get out of the car, he ran off on foot, according to authorities. Finally, when Reed attempted to pull an elderly man out of his car, police were able to surround him and a scuffle ensued, Neal said. Reed is charged with one count of motor vehicle theft, two counts of unarmed carjacking, leaving the scene of an accident with minor injuries, resisting arrest, simple assault on a female victim, simple assault on a police officer, and false identification. But the strangest part is that police can’t seem to figure out a motive, Neal said. “We’re not sure why he ran to begin with,” he said. “All these officers were going to these calls, starting with the first call of the auto theft, and everyone’s thinking it all broke loose, but it was just one guy causing all the havoc.” Before the incident, Reed did not have any pending charges, Neal said, though he was in the system once for disorderly conduct. Police did recover a pacifier that witnesses said Reed had been sucking on, and it has been sent to the crime lab for analysis.
Tech Support Pits: From: Mac Re: PHP links Dear Webby, I almost clicked on a link in an email, that supposedly was from my silly sister, when my hubby stopped me. The email had just a link, which is not typical for my sister. Usually she types like she talkes, which is a lot. When we looked at the source, I saw that the link actually went to some site with PHP in the URL. My hubby told me to NEVER EVER go to a site with PHP, EXE, ZIP or anything like that. Are all tose extensions really that dangerous? Thanks Mac Dear Mac If you don't know the site really well, don't go there if you spot those extensions. Legitimate sites may use those extensions, but not at the main entrance. They make their entrance a regular HTML page, and will explain that the download or update has one of THOSE extensions. Unless you get warned first, ALWAYS refuse anything with those extensions. As you noticed, the scammer does not motor-mouth at you like your sister does, he just forged her address as the sender address. Especially when the address is a yahoo address, it is probably forged anyway and requires an extra measure of careful paranoia. . Have FUN! DearWebby
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Mike was explaining to Judi about when he'd been a kid he fell through the ice on the pond. He went all the way under. Several panicked minuted passed when Mike couldn't find the hole get out and he was running out of air quickly. Judi put her hand to her mouth and interrupted: "Oh my God, did you get out ?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning a Feather Duster To clean a feather duster, place it in a paper or plastic bag and then add a box of cornstarch. Hold it tightly, so it's securely closed and then shake vigorously for 15-30 seconds, preferably outside. Remove and shake out all cornstarch. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

» Leaf n Limb







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Obamanomics 

An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had recently failed an entire class. That class had insisted that Obama's socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.

The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on Obama's plan".. All grades will be averaged and everyone will receive the same grade so no one will fail and no one will receive an A.... (substituting grades for dollars - something closer to home and more readily understood by all).

After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.

The second test average was a D! No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.

As the tests proceeded, the scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.

To their great surprise, ALL FAILED and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed. It could not be any simpler than that.



These are possibly the 5 best sentences you'll ever read and all applicable to this experiment:

1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.

2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.

3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it!

5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work and sit around protesting because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation.

Can you think of a reason for not sharing this?
Neither could I.




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Crap Cleaner and FireFox 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, November 26

I hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

By the way, there is nothing I can do about the voting at 
the Ezinefinder. They are totally independent and not on
any of our servers.


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions. --- Senator Patrick Leahy, May 1990 "I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately." --- Mark Twain
Little Johnny's father was a pastor in a small church. One day, his father told Little Johnny that a very important bishop was coming and that he would be staying with them. Little Johnny became very excited and asked his father if he would get to meet him. His father thought about this and decided that he would let Little Johnny bring the bishop tea in the morning and wake him up. Little Johnny agreed to do this and was very excited. His father gave him instructions: first, knock on the door of the bishops room and then say to him: "It's the boy, my Lord, it's time to get up." Little Johnny was very excited and rehearsed his lines repeating them over and over. Finally the day came and Little Johnny had learned all his lines. He went to the door and knocked. He was so excited and nervous though, that his lines got mixed up and he said, "It's the Lord, my boy, and your time is up!"
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

Bobby's class was having an English lesson, and the teacher called on Bobby to recite a sentence with a direct object. Bobby stood and thought, then said, "Teacher, I think you are beautiful." "Why thank you, Bobby," the teacher said, blushing. "But what is the direct object?" "A good report card next month," he replied.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Devlin, 59, and Egan, 52 of Manchester, England Feeling fuel-ish? Thieves steal booze but forget to fill up getaway car Devlin, 59, and Egan, 52, were caught on CCTV wheeling the alcohol out of Asda. But they came unstuck when their blue Citroen ran out of fuel and they were forced to push it to the store’s petrol station. They then paid to fill up before driving off – unaware the whole fiasco had been caught on camera. Devlin and Egan, both from north Manchester, admitted theft at Manchester magistrates’ court. The pair struck at the store in Oldham on June 6. One of the women distracted a security guard while the other pushed the trolley into the car park, the court was told. The haul was so big Devlin struggled to shut the boot. She then jumped behind the wheel only to realise there was no petrol in the tank. Egan then helped push the vehicle. Actually, it was the soft suspension of the Citroen, that tilted under the huge load of booze, and shifted the fuel in the tank away from the fuel filter. The images were added to a police intelligence bank and when the women tried to repeat the stunt on October 1 at Asda in Hulme they were arrested and linked by the footage to the earlier crime. The court heard the couple had been motivated by ‘financial gain’ after their benefits were cut. Egan was given a conditional discharge for two years and ordered to pay £280 compensation and £85 costs. Devlin, who has a previous conviction for theft, was committed to Manchester crown court for sentencing on December 13.
Tech Support Pits: From: Shirley Re: CrapCleaner and FireFox Dear Webby, Can a person use Crap Cleaner along with Firefox? Love all your hints. You really know your computer. Love your newsletter. Have a wonderful day. Shirley Dear Shirley Yes, sure! CrapCleaner works on the system, and does not care which browser you use. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Ole and Lena lived on a lake in Northern Minnesota. It was nearly winter and the lakehad just frozen over. Ole asked Lena if she would walk across the frozen lake to the general store to pick him up some tobacco. She asked for some money, but he told her to put it on their tab. So she walked across, got the tobacco and walked back. Then she asked Ole why he didn't send her with any money. He said, "I vasn't goin' to send a dollar ven I vasn't sure how tick de ice vas."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Add Storage By Going Up When you don't have a lot of space, try going up instead of around the room. A stacked washer and dryer is a good example. Floor to ceiling gives you lots of storage for anything. Try stacking pieces of furniture for more space. By MelindaR. from Jessieville, AR http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
"How long have you been driving without a tail light?" asked the policeman after pulling over a motorist. The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car and gave a long, painful groan and put his face in his hands. He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit. "Come on, now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It isn't that serious." "It isn't?" cried the motorist. "Then you know what happened to my trailer and my boat on it and the beer in it?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I was trying to get my seventh-grade history class to understand how the Indians must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers. "How would you feel," I asked, "if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?" "Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just figure it was my sister's date."

» Skin Savers







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Too many files in Documents and Settings 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, November 25
Time to wear a bit of red to 
show your support for the troops!


Had to drive to Calgary for an echocardiogram. Even though
that was 80 miles further north, I started out on 4 inches of
fresh snow, which diminished to just wet roads the further 
north I went, and reversed coming back home.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

With donkeys, philosophers and politicians it is sometimes difficult to tell whether they are thinking really deep thoughts, or whether they have bottomed out. --- Socratex
One workman asks another, "How long have you been working here?" The other one replies, "Since they threatened to fire me."
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

This preacher was looking for a good used snow blower one day. He found one at a yard sale that Little Johnny happened to be manning. "This blower work, son?" the preacher asked. Little Johnny said, "Sure does -- just pull on the cord hard, though." The preacher took the blower home and when he got ready to blow some snow, he yanked and pulled and tugged on that cord. Nothing worked. It wouldn't start. Thinking he'd been swindled, he took the mower back to Little Johnny's house. "You said this would work if I pulled on the cord hard enough." "Well," Johnny said, "you need to cuss at it sometimes." The preacher was aghast. "I've not done that in years!" "Just keep yanking on that cord, Preacher. It'll come back to you."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Trevor Jones, 34, in Norcross, GA Burglar left himself logged into Facebook NORCROSS, Ga., Nov. 22 (UPI) -- Police in Georgia said they are searching for a burglary suspect who allegedly left himself logged into Facebook on his victim's computer. Gwinnett County police allege Trevor Jones, 34, left his car running in the driveway of a home he burglarized near Norcross Nov. 15, and homeowner Stephanie White returned while he was still inside and took his keys and wallet, which contained his identification, from his vehicle, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported Tuesday. Stephanie White drove to the end of the street and saw Jones flee with items from her home, police said. Investigators allege Jones broke into a second home in the neighborhood later in the day and left himself logged into Facebook on the victim's computer. White's digital camera was discovered in the second victim's home, police said. Jones, who was on parole for a previous burglary charge, is being sought on charges of burglary, criminal trespassing and parole violation, and is expected to be in custody soon.
Tech Support Pits: From: Joyce Re: Files in Documents and Settings Dear Webby I would like to know if it is all right to clean out some of the older files in my "Recent Documents", under "Documents and Settings". I know that they are there for a reason but do I need so many and such old ones? There are files still there that I deleted over a year ago. Thank you for your Humor News letter, I read it every day, You always give me a laugh or a groan or two, Joyce Dear Joyce If those files are documents that your created or received, then they are quite safe to delete. Make sure you have the file extensions visible, and if in doubt about a file, briefly view it before deleting it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A hillbilly dragged his protesting son to a new school which had just opened in a nearby village. When they arrived, he took his son to see the teacher. "Howdy," said the hillbilly. "This here's my son, Arthur. Now what kind of learnin' are you teachin'?" "Oh, all the usual subjects," said the teacher, nodding at the boy. "Reading, writing, arithmetic." "What's this?" interrupted the father. "Arith....arith... what did you say?" "Arithmetic, Sir," said the teacher, "instruction in algebra, geometry,and trigonometry." "Trigonometry!" cried the delighted hillbilly. "That's what my boy needs. He's the worst darn shot in the family!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Start Seeds in Egg Carton When you buy your eggs, some of the containers, like Eggland's Best, are clear plastic containers. Buy those and save them for starting seeds. They have a clear plastic cover that covers where the eggs sit. Just fill those spaces with dirt, drop in a few seeds, cover with the plastic cover, and you have little miniature greenhouses! By gypsygina from Oklahoma City, OK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
In a physics lab course, which involved light, electricity and magnetism, one requirement of the course was to read the week's experiment before coming to class. At one lab session the instructor wanted to see how many people had actually done so: "What are the two types of light?" he asked. The lab fell silent until one wise young man raised his hand and said, "Uhhh, Miller and Bud?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. "So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home. "Great," Little Johnny replied. "Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother. "Yeah, Daddy really liked it," exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"

» Rank n Ratings







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Not enough free memory for pictures in email 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, November 24

Thank You, Robert and Loretta!

Happy Thanksgiving Day, if you are in the US!

Here the Chinook stopped, the wind direction changed,
and it started snowing like crazy.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

When you're through changing, you're through. --- Bruce Barton "My doctor tells me I suffer from extreme hypochondria. He prescribed a strong placebo, but I don't think it's working." --- Fred Marcum
Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR course. The classes used the well known mannequin victim, Rescue Anne, to practice. My group's model was legless to allow for storage in a carrying case. The class broke into groups to practice. As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the doll and asked "Are you all right?" He then put his ear over the mannequin's mouth to listen for breathing. Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed, "She said she can't feel her legs!"
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

Here is an old bonehead award that is too good to be forgotten: The award goes to the head of women's studies at Bowling Green State University in Ohio, Dr. Kathleen Dixon When Richard Zeller, a professor of sociology, retired after being barred from teaching a course on political correctness, Dr. Dixon explained the school's position: ''We forbid any course that says we restrict free speech.''
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Oneal Ron Morris, 30 Thanks to Helen for alerting me to this one: Flat Fixed The transgender Florida woman arrested yesterday for giving illegal buttocks injections--using a mixture of cement, super glue, mineral oil, and “Fix-a-Flat” sealant--appears to have tasted her own product. Charged with practicing medicine without a license, Oneal Ron Morris, 30, posed for the above full-body booking photos, which seem to show her rear has been artificially enhanced (is there a better way to advertise your services?). Morris was nabbed in connection with her treatment earlier this year of a client who was subsequently hospitalized due to the enhancement procedure . Morris is jailed in lieu of $7500 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Erin Re: Pictures in email not showing Dear Webby I lost all my mail when Outlook crashed last year, so I have been using Eudora. It doesn't crash, ever, but two three weeks after rebooting, it stops showing pictures. A reboot fixes that, but that is a nuisance. Is there a way around that? Erin Dear Erin That is a sign, that your available RAM is getting less than necessary, to run Windows. Eudora isn't the program, that uses up all the RAM, it just suffers from the shortage. It's Windows and browsers, that use a lot of RAM, and are sloppy about returning it to the pool, when they don't need it any more. Just run Crap Cleaner, and clean up that mess. 90% of the time, that is all you have to do. After that, the machine will run faster, and pictures will show in your email again. CrapCleaner is free, andyou can download it from my Tool Box at http://webby.com/tools . Step through the options in Crap Cleaner. Some of the defaults might not be the way you like them. For example, take the checmark off the Cookies, if you want it to leave your bank cookies alone. Just step through all the options and set them the way you like them. It willremember your preferences for next time. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The boss of a major manufacturing facility was complaining in a staff meeting one day, that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning, he went to a local sign shop, bought a small sign that read, "I am the Boss!" and taped it to his office door. Later that day, when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that read, "Your wife called. She wants her sign back!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Craft Projects in Zippered Bags Save the zippered bags that linens and drapes come in to keep knitting and crocheted projects in that are in various stages of completion. It is easy to see the contents of the bag, unlike a box or other container. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A little boy was taken to the dentist. The dentist discovered that the boy had a cavity that needed to be filled. "Now, young man," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?" The little boy replied, "Chocolate, please."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
At the construction site of a new church, the contractor stopped to chat with one of his workmen. "Paddy," he asked casually, "didn't you once tell me that you had a brother who was a bishop?" "That I did, sir." "And you are a bricklayer! It sure is a funny old world. Things in life aren't divided equally, are they?" "No, that they ain't sir," agreed Paddy, as he proudly slap- ped the mortar along the line of bricks. "My poor brother is such a klutz, he couldn't lay a brick to save his life!"

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Email address for business purposes 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, November 23

Received an interesting email from Lillemor.
Apparently Social Scientists had been puzzling over the
reason, why there was absolutley no looting and mayhem
in Japan after the earthquake and tsunami.
They finally figured it out. There is no entitlement class
in Japan. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them." --- P. J. O'Rourke "If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?" --- Abraham Lincoln Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting. --- John Russell
In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I noticed a man shopping with his son. As I walked by, he checked something off his list, and I heard him whisper conspiratorially to the child, "You know, if we really mess this up, we'll never have to do it again."
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

During a trial, in a small Missouri town, the local prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. She was sworn in, asked if she would tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help her God. The witness was a proper well-dressed elderly lady, the Grandmother type, well spoken and poised.The prosecuting attorney approached the woman and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'" She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk badly about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the sense to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper-pushing shyster." Yes, I know you quite well." "The lawyer was stunned. He couldn't even think for a few minutes. Then, slowly backed away, fearing the looks on the judge and jurors' faces, not to mention the court reporter who documented every word. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a bad drinking problem. The man can't build or keep a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him. " "The defense attorney almost fainted and was seen slipping downward in his chair, looking at the floor. Laughter mixed with gasps, thundered throughout the courtroom and the audience was on the verge of chaos. At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of you morons asks her if she knows me, you're going to jail, and I will personally throw the key into the river."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Olivia Ornelas, 18 Drunk Blames DUI Crash On "Twilight" Snub Early Saturday morning, a deputy with the Kendall County Sheriff’s Office spotted the 18-year-old Illinois woman’s car in a ditch off Route 71. “Upon further investigation,” the cop determined that Ornelas “was driving with no right front tire and was extremely intoxicated.” According to a sheriff’s report, Ornelas offered an excuse, of sorts, for her erratic behavior: “Ornelas advised that she was extremely upset with her boyfriend because she did not see the movie Twilight like they were suppose too.” Ornelas’s excuse did not fly with cops, who charged her with DUI and unlawful consumption of alcohol by a minor. Just being stupid does not entitle her to break the law. Ornelas was released from custody Saturday after posting $300 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Amanda Re: How important is a specific email address Dear Webby The instructor at the business course, that I am taking in the evening, told me to either get rid of my yahoo address, or consider myself kicked out of the course. I am used to my yahoo address and know how to handle it, plus all my friends have it in their address books. I don't see why I should change it. Do you? Amanda Dear Amanda Do you want to gossip with your friends, who never buy anything from you, or do you want to run a business? You can keep your gossip address on the side, but never use it for business purposes. Look at yourself! Would YOU buy anything from somebody, who just has a Yahoo or AOL address, and hides their real identity? Of course not. The same goes for everybody else. If you are just a silly yahoo, who hides her identity, then you can't be trusted. Get yourself a domain name. They are only $10 per year, if you know a good registrar like me, and put up at least a tiny business card site. A small site like that is about $4.50 a month, and I will even write your first pages for you, if you can email me the information, you want on it. Once you have your business name and your address up there, like a real and legitimate business, THEN people can trust you. I agree with your instructor. Make up your mind, whether you want to be a silly yahoo gossiping a bit, or whether you want to go into business. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Every policeman will swear this actually happened to someone in their precinct. When police recruits get out of school, they are partnered with a training officer. They must remember street names, so that they'll be able to call in their location at all times. As they are driving along the training officer suddenly stops and yells, "Bang, bang, I'm dead." His new recruit is a real jam, because he's lost track of their location. So, he says, "Bang, bang, I'm dead, too." Doesn't work, he still gets points off for that night's work.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Trash Bags in Place When I buy trash bags that don't like to stay in place, I simply measure off a length of elastic, sew it together and fit it over the trash can. When the bag is put into the can we simply pull the elastic over the edges and this keeps it from moving. We never take the elastic off, (except to clean it) we simply push it down a little, lift out the bag, and replace it. By Gem from VA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The young suitor was determined to win the heart of the girl he wanted to marry, in spite of her rejection of his proposals a number of times. He began what can only be called a "Campaigning" and sent her a small token of his affection every day for a month to her house. The plan was successful too -- the young lady fell in love with the FedEx man.

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Is Mapquest broken? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, November 22

Happy 85th birthday, Sir Squirrel!

Finally got some wind from the West!
Snow and leaves are headed across the prairies now.
Get the snow shovels ready, Toronto and Chicago!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Admitting you're wrong is a modest way of showing you've grown a litter wiser. --- Socratex "A committee is a creature with three or more legs and no brain." --- Robert Heinlein
Thanks to Joann for this one: During my training as a medical-group receptionist, I was told never to recommend one of our doctors over another, but simply state who had available appointments. One day a woman came in and looked at me conspiratorially. "I'm a nurse," she whispered, "and I know the staff always knows which doctors are good and which aren't. Who do you think I should see?" Knowing my supervisor was listening close by, I tried to sound most professional. "Oh, I'm sorry," I replied. "I can't recommend any of our doctors." "Well, you must know!" she said, heading for the door.
Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide Top Quality How-To Guide On Building Solar Air Heaters. No tricky plumbing, just air. Unless you are in an apartment and not allowed to do basic crafts, this can save you a lot of money! Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide

A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Michelle Watson, 24, in Prescott, AZ Winner of free room and board for the winter at the Yavapai County Jail After Kneeing Cop In Groin, Arizona Drunk Driver Poses For Beatific Booking Pic The 24-year-old motorist had an eventful Thursday evening, according to cops in Prescott, Arizona. The intoxicated Watson, driving a Honda Civic, allegedly: * Hit “numerous curbs” and drove on the sidewalk * Said, “I don’t have to walk fucking anywhere” when approached by a cop * Shoved an officer after declining to take field sobriety tests * Had to be taken to the ground while scuffling with a cop * Kneed a second officer in the crotch while being handcuffed * Repeatedly cursed at police * Kicked the inside of a squad car Despite all this, Watson was beaming and flashing two thumbs up when she posed for the above booking photo at the Yavapai County Jail (her blood alcohol content was measured at nearly three times the legal limit). As detailed in a Prescott Police Department report, Watson was charged with aggravated assault on a cop, resisting arrest, and “DUI-super extreme.”
Tech Support Pits: From: Dora Re: Is Mapquest broken? Dear Webby Is Mapquest broken? Lately it happened more and more often, that Mapquest could not find addresses. Sometimes it refuses to find a NW street and instead insists on going to a SW street in the same town. And similar screw-ups. How do you get around that? Dora Dear Dora Yes, MapQuest is indeed getting rather flakey. These days http://bing.com/maps usually works better. Typical Microsoft, the controls are just a bit different, but it's not too difficult to get used to them. Aerial maps are OK for major cities, but rather pathetic for rural areas. For the bird eye view you may have to go back to MapQuest orGoogle Earth. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Girlfriend: Two of the best things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie. Boyfriend: Oh? And which is this?
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Coffee Grounds to Deodorize Refrigerator Odors in the fridge or freezer will be gone overnight if you place a dish of used coffee grounds in a bowl and place it in the center of the refrigerator/freezer. It works better then baking soda! By DCW816 from Hampton, TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Nancy was talking to her girlfriend....."My psychiatrist told me yesterday that the way to achieve true inner peace is to always finish what I start. I think I'm getting the hang of it-- So far today I've finished a bag of cheetos, a six-pack of beer, and the chocolate cake I baked for my mother's birthday party tomorrow."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
In my job as an electronics salesman, I've seen the rise in popularity of sport-utility vehicles and minivans, which has created a market for rear-seat entertainment. Monitors that keep passengers occupied with movies and television have been selling like crazy. One day as I was showing a young couple how a monitor could play videos, DVD's, and even pick up local TV stations, the husband asked matter-of-factly, "Does it get cable?"

» Chocolate Haunts 4 Globe Trotters







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The Power Of Mathematics 

MOVIE TEST:

Be honest and don't look at the movie list below till you have done the math.

Try this test and find out what movie is your favorite.

This amazing math quiz can likely predict which of 18 movies you would enjoy the most.

It really works!




Pick a number from 1-9.

Multiply by 3.

Add 3.

Multiply by 3 again.

Now add the two digits of your answer together to find your predicted favorite movie in the list of 18 movies below.




Movie List:
1. Gone With The Wind
2. E.T.
3. Blazing Saddles
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly
7. Jaws
8. Grease
9. The Obama farewell speech of 2012
10. Casablanca
11. Jurassic Park
12. Shrek
13. Pirates of the Caribbean
14. Titanic
15. Raiders Of The Lost Ark
16. Home Alone
17. Mrs. Doubtfire
18. Toy Story

Now, ain't that something...?




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Menu for many links 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, November 21

Another Gullible Whining Myth shot to hell.
The supposedly vanished caribou are doing just fine at their
alternate calfing grounds, just like the natives have been 
saying all along. 

The clueless fear mongers and grant recipients apparently 
don't understand that a lot of things in Mother Nature operate 
with a lag. Caribou keep going back to their cafing grounds 
for a number of years, but because in the high North their 
droppings don't compost very quickly, the ground gets a bit 
over saturated with organic fertilizer, and gets rater smelly.

So they go to a different area for calfing. No big deal,
when that one gets too crappy in 30 years or so, they may
come back to a previous one, or find some brand new one. 
The Arctic is plenty big enough.

By the way, Caribou don't mind oil exploration at all. 
They themselves are oil experts too and seek oil puddles
to roll in for bug protection. They have been doing that 
for thousands of years.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Don't wear your glasses on a blind date. Your date willl look a lot better to you. --- Socratex Love is a form of temporary insanity curable only by marriage. --- Socratex
A four year old kid ran up and down the supermarket aisles shouting frantically, "Marian, Marian!" Finally reunited with his mother, he was chided by her, "You shouldn't call me 'Marian.' I'm your mother, you know." "I know," said the child, wise beyond his years, "but there must be 'leventy-seven mothers in the store. Your are the only Marian mother!"
Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide Top Quality How-To Guide On Building Solar Air Heaters. No tricky plumbing, just air. Unless you are in an apartment and not allowed to do basic crafts, this can save you a lot of money! Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide

One finds the most romantic people at home improvement centers. A friend was helping a couple purchase a new door for their home. After he asked what size they needed, the stumped husband yelled clear across the store to his wife in home supplies, "Honey, c'mon over here and see which one of these door you can fit through!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Pamela D. Copes, 33, of Albany, NY Stolen car driven to court COLONIE -- In need of a ride to court, an Albany woman and two friends allegedly stole a car. Colonie police received a call at 5:14 p.m. Wednesday from officers in Albany. A stolen car with an OnStar global positioning system indicated that the car was in Colonie at 243 Wolf Road. A short time later, it had been moved to 312 Wolf Road, the address of the town's Public Safety Center. Police found the car in THEIR parking lot and arrested three suspects. One of those arrested, Pamela D. Copes, 33, of Albany, had a court appearance in Colonie Justice Court for two previous arrests. The car is a white 2007 Chevrolet Impala four-door sedan valued at $12,325. The car was reported stolen from 427 Second Ave., Albany, at 6:52 a.m. Wednesday. Copes is charged with criminal possession of stolen property in the third degree, a felony. Copes was in court answering charges from an incident on March 28 that includes unlawfully fleeing a police officer in the third degree, reckless driving and aggravated unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle in the third degree, all misdemeanors. She also was charged with unlawful possession of marijuana, a violation. Copes also faced charges filed Feb. 19 of petit larceny and endangering the welfare of a child, both misdemeanors. The other two charged in the stolen car case are Michael Oglesby, 45, of Albany and Andrea M. Dixon, 44, of Colonie. Both face a misdemeanor count of third-degree unauthorized use of a motor vehicle. All three were arraigned in Colonie Town Court. Oglesby was sent to Albany County jail without bail; Copes was sent to the same jail in lieu of $2,500 bail, and Dixon was released on an appearance ticket.
Tech Support Pits: From: Melissa Re: More than one HOME link Dear Webby I have to check a bunch of sites every morning, and need something as quick as the HOME button on the browser. I know, I can add a few links below the address bar, but I need a lot more than that. Also, I need that list of sites available on more than one machine, at different locations. What solution do you recommend? Thanks Melissa Dear Melissa Just make a simple web page. For $2 a month you can get a subdomain, for example http://melissa.dawna.com Once you have a site, you can do anything. Just make a simple menu page like you see at http://showbird.com That's just a domain I want to sell, but I doubt, that anybody can afford it before the next election. So I am just using it to hold links to interesting bird and plane sites. HTML is as easy as falling into bed. To make a link like the ones you see there, for example to the Aircraft Ballet at Night at http://tinyurl.com/airnight you type: (without the dot after the "<" ) <.a href="http://tinyurl.com/airnight">Aircraft Ballet At Night<./a> The result, once you have remembered to delete the periods, looks like this in any browser: Aircraft Ballet At Night Simple enough? Dragging your page up to your $2 domain is as easy as dragging it to a different folder. Adding extra text to or after the links is simple. You just type it. <.BR> makes a line break. All of HTML is just as simple as that. And if you have anything really tricky to do, ask. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Cards offering used textbooks for sale are posted on the college notice board at the beginning of each semester. One read: "Introduction to Psychology, $8, never used." The card was signed, "Must sell." The next day a note had been added: "Good price. Are you sure it's never been used?" Signed, "Prospective buyer." Below in a different hand was: "Positive!" Signed, "Professor who graded his exam."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Linseed Oil to Remove Road Tar Road tar and asphalt which splatters up and sticks to an automobile is almost impossible to remove. That is, unless you first saturate the spots with linseed oil. Allow the oil to soften the tar for a few minutes and you'll find that the grime rubs right off with a piece of coarse cloth. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Here is a good ol classic! Billy Bob and Jethro decide to go ice fishing. After arriving at the lake early in the morning, they cut two holes in the lake and drop in their lines in the water. After fishing for a few hours, Billy Bob has caught dozens of fish while Jethro hasn't even gotten a bite. Jethro asks, "Billy Bob, what's your secret?" Billy Bob answers, "Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm." Jethro asks, "What did you say?" Billy Bob answers, "Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm." Jethro again asks, "What?" Billy Bob spits into his hand and says, "You gotta keep the worms warm!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
R E S U M E B O O - B O O S "Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting." "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store." "I am a rabid typist." "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business." "Proven ability to track down and correct erors." "Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer." Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"

» Scentual Assault


2011 STOL competition Best total takeoff and landing distance was a mere 78 feet. That’s 43 feet for the takeoff and 35 feet for the landing.





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My Kind Of Yard Sale 

A man was out taking a walk, when he came upon a beautiful, large house in a classy neighborhood.

Suddenly, he was shocked to see a nude couple making love out on the lawn. Then he noticed another couple behind some bushes near the house, and another couple behind a tree.

He walked up to the house and rang the doorbell. When an attractive, well dressed woman answered the door, he asked what kind of place this was.

"This is a bordello," the Madam replied.

"Well then, what's all this out on the lawn?" he asked.

"Oh, we're having a yard sale today!" she explained.



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FireFox crashes fixed 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, November 20

It was -20 and we had a very nasty wind from the East. So,
since I got a check for $20 for the banner ads, so I decided 
to do my daily walk inside at Costco and get some groceries.
I sure do like the way they have their sample stations set up 
about every 1/8 to 1/4 mile. It's not the fastest way to shop,
but sure is fun!

Afterwards I was treated to an orange sun just above the 
horizon, flanked by beautiful sun dogs and topped by a tall
lance. You only get that, when it's really cold and there 
are lots of long ice crystals in the air. 

This is how sun dogs look like. Sometimes they have more
of a rainbow effect to them.


Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"Chance only favors a prepared mind" --- Louis Pasteur People try to rain on your parade, because they have no parade of their own. --- Jeffrey Gitomer
Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened. Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while." Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey." Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Stanley Cup Play-Offs. I kicked the TV and broke my leg."
Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide Top Quality How-To Guide On Building Solar Air Heaters. No tricky plumbing, just air. Unless you are in an apartment and not allowed to do basic crafts, this can save you a lot of money! Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams and wanted to know what he should do next. His mother suggested, "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked meal?" He thought this was a great idea and arranged a date for the next weekend. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone. He moaned, "Oh, mom, the evening was a complete disaster." His mother said, "Why, didn't she come over?" And the young man said, "Oh, she came over, but she can't cook either."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Marlene Annette Culver, 28 in Gainesville, FL Incomplete 911 call leads to arrest on drug, weapons charges Alachua County sheriff’s deputies who were responding to an incomplete 911 call Sunday reported finding more than 1 pound of marijuana and two guns in the caller’s home. Marlene Annette Culver, 28, was arrested on charges that included possessing marijuana with the intent to sell and possessing an altered firearm. In addition to the marijuana, sheriff’s deputies reported finding a 9mm Ruger handgun, a 9mm Luger “Tec-9” with an altered serial number, a digital scale, an electronic bill counter, a grinder and baggies in Culver’s home. Deputies responded to her Northwest 55th Terrace home at around 9 p.m. A female caller to 911 provided the address of the home and said she had been hit in the face by her boyfriend. She then disconnected, and called back to say that everything was OK but refused to stay on the line, the Sheriff’s Office reported. Culver met arriving deputies in the yard, saying she was not the caller or the homeowner but that everything was OK and deputies could leave. She attempted to interfere with the sweep by actively resisting and was taken into custody, the Sheriff’s Office reported. She later acknowledged she was the homeowner and that there had been an argument with family members that had resulted in her dialing 911, the Sheriff’s Office reported. Culver, who was convicted in 2009 of possessing more than 20 grams of marijuana, was arrested and booked into the Alachua County jail.
Tech Support Pits: From: JJS Re: FireFox Crashes Dear JJS How is your FireFox battle coming along? Are you using RoboForm? I just came across this: You need the latest version of Roboform (7.6.2 or newer) from http://www.roboform.com/download Using an older version may cause Firefox 8 to crash on startup. Have FUN! Hello Webby. I followed the instructions on your last E mail ,got to a folder with all error messages sent and the somehow got to a live chat room for firefox help but no one was on line at the time. So gave it up for a while. Then, received your latest E mail ( below) that I am replying to now. Yes , I do use RoboForm that I learned about from your news letters and am very pleased with it. ( the free version) The version I had installed was 7.5.5 . I upgraded to the latest ,7.6.3 .and guess what ? You hit it right on the head. Firefox came up and is working perfectly. I did not even have to uninstall and reinstall. You sure do have your stuff together and I do appreciate your help. Please feel free to use this E mail in your news letter and edit it as you see fit if you want to . JJS
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On a vacation in Texas Mike exhibited the exuberance of a tourist. At a diner, he and his brothers ordered cheeseburgers. When his meal arrived, the first thing Mike noticed was its size. "Wow," he exclaimed, "everything really IS bigger in Texas!" As he lifted the burger off the plate, his eyes met the cold stare of the 300-pound waitress and the 5 gallon water pitcher she carried..
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Scuffs on Linoleum Floors Clean rubber heel marks from kitchen linoleum with a moist cloth dabbed in floor wax. The marks come up and don't leave a dull spot. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them. "Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'Come fly the friendly skies'?" Joe answered the correct airline. "Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it?" Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty. "Now John, Tell me which company bears the slogan, 'Just do it'?" And John answered, "Mom."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A Scotsman goes to the dentist and asks how much it is for an extraction. "$85 for an extraction sir" was the dentist's reply. "Och, huv ye no' got anything cheaper? ! " replies the Scotsman, getting agitated. "But that's the normal charge for an extraction sir", said the dentist. "What about if you didnae use any anaesthetic? ", asked the Scotsman hopefully. "Well it's highly unusual sir, but if that's what you want, I suppose I can do it for $70", said the dentist. "Hmmmm, what about if you used one of your dentist trainees and still without anaesthetic? " said the Scotsman, "Well it's possible but they are only training and I can't guarantee their level of professionalism and it'll be a lot more painful, but I suppose in that case we can bring the price down to say $40", said the dentist. "Och that's still a bit much, how about if you make it a training session and have your student do the extraction and the other students watching and learning? " said the Scotsman hopefully. "Hmmmmm, well OK it'll be good for the students I suppose, I'll charge you only $5 in that case", said the dentist. "Wonderful, it's a deal! " said the Scotsman. . . "Can you book the wife in for next Tuesday?

» Silky Sharks







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Stupid 



I wouldn't say he's stupid, but..

- He's depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

- He puts a bucket under the pipe when there's a gas leak.

- He has an intellect that is rivaled only by eggplants.

- We have to make introductions around the breakfast table every morning.

- He stayed up all last night studying for his blood test.

- He sure makes my dog look smart!

- He studied all weekend for a urine test.

- He can't convert 0 feet to meters.

- He was supposed to try out for a part in 'Dumb and Dumber' but forgot to show up.

- He still checks the inside of his hands to see if "it" really will cause hair to grow!!

- When my parents said they'd send him abroad, he asked how old she was.

- But he had a battle of wits with a doorknob and lost.

- He got drunk, walked into the wall four times and said "Shit, I'm bricked in!"

- He stole a free cookie!

- He couldn't count his testicles and come up with the same number twice!

- It takes him an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes".

- After joining the I.R.A. and being told to blow up a bus, he burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe.

- He saw a sign that said "wet floor"... so he did.

- When his mum said to take butter out from the fridge, he took the butter outdoors!

- I've seen bread dough with more intelligence.

- When they tested his I.Q., the score began with Minus.

- When they were handing out brains, he couldn't even find the line.

- But if you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change back.

- He thinks a woman with crabs is a seafood delicacy.

- If he had one more IQ he'd be a potted plant.

- He had just learned to count to 21 when he got arrested for indecent exposure.

- Last night, when I turned of the lights he wrote a letter to God, asking him why he didn't pay his electric bill.

- He couldn't empty water from a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.

- He's trying to teach "sit up & beg" to his pet rock.



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Which font is best for the browser? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, November 19

Remember that yellow mystery tree a coupleof months ago,
tht nobody could identify?

Sandie did. It is a "Kibra Hacha".
In case you forgot about it, here is the picture again:


Click through the picture for the large version.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Nobody is perfect unless you are in love with them. Nobody is totally imperfect, unless you used to be in love with them --- Socratex
A woman is walking down the street carrying a small box with holes punched in the top. "What's in that box?" a neighbor asks. "A cat," the woman says. "What for?" "I've been dreaming about mice at night, and I'm scared. The cat is to catch them." "But the mice you dream about are imaginary," her neighbor says. The woman turns to her friend and whispers, "So is the cat. I couldn't afford thecat foodand the vet bills for a real one."
Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide Top Quality How-To Guide On Building Solar Air Heaters. No tricky plumbing, just air. Unless you are in an apartment and not allowed to do basic crafts, this can save you a lot of money! Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide

One finds the most romantic people at home improvement centers. My son was helping a couple purchase a new door for their home. After he asked what size they needed, the stumped husband yelled clear across the store to his wife in home supplies, "Honey, c'mon over here and see which one of these door you can fit through!"
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through for the large version. Ibis. Maybe something disturbed the ants and they spotted them?
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jeffrey Scott, 32, (The "black eye" is mascara, that she applied pre-arrest, just in case the cops didn't hurt real good.) Occupier burglared furniture The 32-year-old “Occupy Pensacola” protester was arrested yesterday on felony burglary and larceny charges for robbing a neighbor’s home of furniture, that he used at the protest group’s encampment outside City Hall. Scott was nabbed shortly after victim Ned English called police to report the theft of a couch, a recliner, four wicker chairs, and four couch cushions from his home, according to an Escambia County Sheriff’s Office report. The deputies had already noticed those items at the protest group’s encampment outside City Hall. When questioned by a deputy, Scott stated, “Yes, I took the furniture. I was going to give it back some day, but haven’t gotten around to it.” Scott, investigators noted, admitted entering English’s home through a rear window, taking the furniture, and using some of the stolen items.” Scott, pictured in the above mug shot, is being held in lieu of $20,000 bond in the county jail. Arrest records list the Virginia native's occupation as "nutritional aid." --------- His buddy, the "Praying Occupier", whose arrest has been featured on countless blogs, turned out to be the nut, who was arrested in Indiana last month for laying face up on a blanket “with his entire genitals showing.” With him officers had found the book “Gay Power,” a “Kroger bottle of extra virgin olive oil,” two cans of Miller beer, and Marlboro cigarettes. He is wanted for jumping bail and failing to appear in court. Do these people think the Bonehead Awards are a dating site?
Tech Support Pits: From: Minka Re: Browser Font Dear Webby, I noticed that you can set the fonts in the browser. What is the best fon? Minka Dear Minka That depends on what you use your browser for. If you are just shopping, researching, goofing around, etc, then Arial is a good font. If you have a small monitor but good eyes, then you can use Tunga. With that you can zoom down smaller than with Arial and still have good, readable text. If you use the broser to test and check your own work, set it to Comix or something silly like that. It will show you instantly, if you forgot to specify any particular font in your work. That happens to everybody, me included. You might want to turn off a font color, but go a step too far and also turn of the font face setting. An obviously goofy font will make that very visible. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Alf for this one: We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the special was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99. "Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs." "Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her. "You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked incredulously. "I'll take the special." "How do you want your eggs?" "Raw and in the shell," my wife replied. She took the eggs home.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Water Plants With Leftover Tea Don't throw out your leftover tea. Instead feed it to you indoor or outdoor plants for an extra boost. Use brewed unsweetened tea only. By Ivy from Rancho Palos Verdes http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya". "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?" "That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..." "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me." "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry." Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned." "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?" "Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Anthony proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell." Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."

» Lake Effect Snow







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How to make High Contrast Links 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, November 18
Time to wear a bit of red 
to show your support for the troops!


It's not really snowing right here, but fine drift snow 
from elsewhwere is settling here. Temperature is -14
right now. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"What do I think of Western civilization? I think it would be a good idea." --- Mahatma Ghandi There are people who, instead of listening to what is being said to them, are already listening to what they are going to say themselves. --- Albert Guinon
A small town Doctor was famous in the area for always catching large fish. One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy. The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the Doctor used his fishing scales. The baby weighed 22 lbs 10 oz.
Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide Top Quality How-To Guide On Building Solar Air Heaters. No tricky plumbing, just air. Unless you are in an apartment and not allowed to do basic crafts, this can save you a lot of money! Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide

Have you ever noticed that good jokes always come back to you ? This one came back via Kristine: While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate. After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school. "Yes," he replied. "When did you graduate?" I asked. He answered, "In 1957." "Why, you were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click through for the large version. Where-Is-The-Washroom?
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Kevin Daly, 22, Man Wearing “I'm Not An Alcoholic” T-Shirt Arrested for Drunk Driving A New York motorist wearing an “I'm Not An Alcoholic, I'm A Drunk” t-shirt was arrested early today for drunk driving after he crashed into a police car. Kevin Daly, 22, was nabbed after plowing his 2000 Saturn into a police vehicle on County Road 83 in Suffolk County. A cop in the cruiser was not seriously injured in the 1:45 AM crash. Daly, pictured in the mug shot on top, is not the first drunk driver to get a bonehead award for wearing the “I’m Not An Alcoholic” message t-shirt while driving drunk. In mid-2007, Amanda Lynn Bailey, 41, got a Bonehead Award for getting busted for DUI by Florida cops wearing the same distinctive black garment.
Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: Make links more visible Dear Webby, My links are showing OK, except in the header, which is the same color as my regular links, or nearly so. What can I do to remedy that? Thanks Ann Dear Ann Since you want to change that ONLY in the header, nowhere else on your pages, just change the link background with a style: <. a href="/books/" style="background-color:yellow";>Books<./a> (Leave out the periods after the Smaller Than sign. They are just to make sure some email programs don't act on the code instead of politely showing it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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While I was preaching in a church in Mississippi, the pastor announced that their prison quartet would be singing the following evening. I wasn't aware there was a prison in the vicinity and I looked forward to hearing them. The next evening, I was puzzled when four members of the church approached the stage. Then the pastor introduced them. "This is our prison quartet," he said, "behind a few bars and always looking for the key."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Water Plants With Leftover Tea Don't throw out your leftover tea. Instead feed it to you indoor or outdoor plants for an extra boost. Use brewed unsweetened tea only. By Ivy from Rancho Palos Verdes http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Military leaders succeed in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. They are assembled in front of the new machine and instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: attack or retreat? The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer: YES. The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer: YES WHAT? Instantly the computer responded: YES SIR.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A young man took a farm girl into town for a date at a fancy restaurant. While studying the menu she asked, "What's filet mignon?" Thinking fast, her date replied, "It's pickled goat's liver. Why?"

» Cat Lovers Delight







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Invisible Links 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, November 17

We had some snow this morning, that actually looked more
like hail, but was soft. Even though it did not warm up above
freezing, and the sund did not come through the clouds,
by mid afternoon the cold, but very dry wind had evaporated
it all. If ithad been the sun, it would have remained in the 
shade, but since it was the wind, it was gone completely.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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please donate what you can!

"Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others." --- Jacob M. Braude "Stubborness does have its helpful features. You always know what you are going to be thinking tomorrow." --- Glen Beaman There's always somebody who is paid too much, and taxed too little - and it's always somebody else. --- Cullen Hightower
"Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a divorce?" the solicitor questioned his client. "Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?" "No," replied Mrs. O'Connor. "We have a carport." The solicitor tried again. "Well, does the man beat you up?" "No, no," said Mrs. O'Connor, looking puzzled. "I'm always first out of bed." Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. "Well, does he go in for unnatural connubial practices?" "Shure now, he plays the flute, but I don't think he knows anything about the connubial." Now desperate, the solicitor pushed on. "What I'm trying to find out are what grounds you have." "Bless ye, sor. We live in a flat -- not even a window box, let alone grounds." "Mrs. O'Connor," the solicitor said in considerable exasperation, "you need a reason that the court can consider. What is the reason for you seeking this divorce?" "Ah, well now," said the lady, "Shure it's because the man can't hold an intelligent conversation.
Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide Top Quality How-To Guide On Building Solar Air Heaters. No tricky plumbing, just air. Unless you are in an apartment and not allowed to do basic crafts, this can save you a lot of money! Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide

A woman goes to the police station to report that her husband was missing. "Can you give me a description of him?" asked the officer. "He's short and bald and skinny and wrinkled and wears dentures," answered the woman. "Come to think of it, most of him was missing before he was...."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click through for the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Erica Wilson, 21, and Jesse Brooks, 32 Drunk again and out of control A Tennessee woman who said she wanted a relationship and did not want to be just “a booty call”--allegedly stabbed a male suitor Tuesday night after he became irate when she put the brakes on his attempts to “touch her suggestively,” police report. By the way, the two are first cousins. Erica Wilson, 21, and Jesse Brooks, 32, were arrested and charged with aggravated domestic assault following a brawl in Brooks’s home in Rogersville. The combatants are pictured in the above mug shots. Wilson told a sheriff’s deputy that she and Brooks had “gotten into an argument about the status” of their relationship. It was during the argument, Wilson reported, that Brooks “began to touch her suggestively and stated that ‘he wanted her.’” In response, Wilson told her cousin that she “wanted a relationship and did not want to be 'A Booty Call,'” according to a Hawkins County Sheriff’s Office report. The latter comment allegedly infuriated Brooks, who began cursing at Wilson, and then allegedly knocked her to the kitchen floor with a flurry of punches. Fighting back, Wilson grabbed a pair of scissors and slashed away at her cousin’s face, neck, arms, and back. An investigator noted that Wilson and Brooks, who smelled of booze, admitted to consuming significant amounts of Everclear grain alcohol. Since a “primary aggressor” could not be determined, both cousins were arrested. Wilson, a Taco Bell employee, bonded out of jail yesterday after posting $4000 bond. Her cousin remains locked up in the county jail in lieu of $4000 bond. Both are set to be arraigned in Sessions Court later this month.
Tech Support Pits: From Kristine Re: Invisible links Dear Webby, I finally realized that not having a web page is worse than not being in the phone book, it's like having no phone. Making a business card style page was no big deal, I just saved my resume as HTML and uploaded it. That was so easy that my dumb sister's chihuahua could have done it. I made a bunch more pages and now I want some invisible links to those from the front entrance page, some links that only work if somebody has been told where they are hidden and wipes their mouse over them to see them. I know the colors for the background, text and links are set in the line, but that is for the entire page. If I set the link color to the page color, then ALL the links become invisible. How do I get around that? Kristine Dear Kristine use a paint program and capture a little block or bar of page background. Save that as link.gif. Then use that picture instead of the link text. For example: (Delete the periods after the "<", that is just so that the example code shows instead of it being a command) <.a href="page22.html"><.img src="link.gif" border="0"><./a> And that's it. When you want to allow somebody to view page 22, then you just tell them to wipe their mouse over the spot where you got that little block hidden, and click on it when it becomes visible. If you know how to make pictures with transparent background, then you can make one with writing in page background color on transparent background, and even spell out the name of the link. The writing will be invisible until you wipe a mouse over that spot on the page, but it will become visible then, because the selecting inverts the colors. You COULD accomplish the same with styles and a whole bunch of code, but why bother, when you can fake it with a tiny picture? Have FUN! DearWebby
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"So, what's the matter? I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband." "Oh, everything went wrong: First he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I was reeling in too soon. "All that might have been all right; but then, to make matters worse, I ended up being the only one, who caught any fish!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cardboard Fabric Liners For Storage Use the inner cardboard liners from bolts of fabrics to store your fabric. Stores will give them to you if you ask. Cut them in half and use them to wrap individual yardages around and store, upright, in those legal-sized cardboard boxes you get from office supply stores. You have only to glance at the top of the box to see what fabric you have in storage and each piece of fabric is the same size and standing straight up in the box. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job as a vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After 3 days of intensive training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice his pitch on his wife. The next morning, the manager asked the beginner how he did. "Well," the man said, "I did what you said, and after I finished, I asked my wife if she would buy the vacuum cleaner from me. She said, 'Yes.' Then I asked her, 'Why?' and she said, 'I know it is a piece of junk, but I'll buy it because I love you'."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The Old Gas Station The service station trade was slow. The owner sat around, With sharpened knife and cedar stick Piled shavings on the ground. No modern facilities had they, The log across the rill Led to a shack, marked His and Hers That sat against the hill. "Where is the ladies restroom, sir?" The owner leaning back, Said not a word but whittled on, And nodded toward the shack. With quickened step she entered there But only stayed a minute Until she screamed, just like a snake Or spider might be in it. With startled look and beet red face She bounded through the door, And headed quickly for the car -- Just like three gals before. She missed the foot log -- jumped the stream, The owner gave a shout, As her pantyhose, down at her knees Caught on a sassafras sprout. She tripped and fell -- got up, and then in obvious disgust, Ran to the car, stepped on the gas, And faded in the dust. Of course we all desired to know What made the gals all do The things they did, and then we found The whittling owner knew. A speaking system he'd devised To make the thing complete, He tied a speaker on the wall Beneath the toilet seat. He'd wait until the gals got set, And then the devilish guy Would stop his whittling long enough To speak into the mike. And as she sat, a voice below Struck terror, fright and fear, "Will you please use the other hole? We're painting under here."

» Pebbles







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