Dumping redundant restore points 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, February 11.

Thank you, Nancy!

The voting seems to have been fixed, finally!
Thanks to all who wrote to Ezinefinder or Cumuli and 
complained!

There was no apology, which seems to be tradition with
Mac users, after all, it is OUR fault for changing from 
January to February without telling them!

They did not add an approximation for the lost 10 days,
for example multiplying the Jan 31 votes by 10 to cover
the lost votes, but apparently allowed some wild voting 
for about an hour. 
Don't take the current or tonight's figures as accurate, 
but wait for tomorrow night's numbers. Hopefully by then
their system will work properly.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a fugitive who stole her step-sister's new baby. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2006 In Texas, U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and wounded a companion during a quail hunt. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will. --- James Stephens
If you are traveling or have a dynamic IP address, or occasionally send from McDonalds or a coffee shop, then you need SMTP2go for reliable and uncensored email SENDING. AND, Most ISPs demand that you use THEIR name after the @, instead of your chosen domain name. With SMTP2go you can use YOUR domain name, even if you travel or are at a Hotspot downtown. Send email from anywhere without ANY hassle with SMTP2go.

A man woke up one morning to find his wife packing her bags. "Where the heck are you going?" demanded the husband. The wife replied, "You know all this free sex I've been giving you all these years? Well I just found out I can get $200 a shot for it out in Las Vegas." With that the husband jumped out of bed and began packing HIS bags, too. "Where do you think you're going?" demanded the wife. "I want to see how you can live in Las Vegas on $400 a year!"
On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter to do an intake. While waiting they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sits for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work out?, " they wonder, "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "Jeez!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find a @#$%& lawyer!?"
Click on the picture for the large version Niagara at night Rare shot from above.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kristen Smith Jailed for stealing infant from step sister An hour after a woman reported her newborn son missing from a Wisconsin home, police were questioning her step-sister — found with a prosthetic pregnancy belly, baby clothes and a stroller, but no baby, according to court documents. It was more than 24 hours after Kayden Powell went missing before authorities discovered the infant, less than a week old, in a plastic storage crate outside an Iowa gas station, miraculously alive and well despite frigid temperatures. Kristen Smith of Denver had pretended to be pregnant, went to Wisconsin and stole her step-sister's baby from his bassinet as his parents slept, court documents say. Then, as police closed in on her, she allegedly abandoned the infant, who was swaddled in blankets. Federal prosecutors in Madison charged Smith with kidnapping Friday afternoon, hours after an Iowa police chief found Kayden. The discovery of the infant shortly after 10 a.m. Friday capped a frantic search that involved police officers in Wisconsin, Illinois and Iowa. It began after the boy's mother, Brianna Marshall, called police around 4:30 a.m. Thursday to report her newborn had vanished from Bennett's home, where she and the baby's father, Bruce Powell, had been staying, according to police and the affidavit. Marshall, the mother, said Smith, the step-sister, had left the house a couple of hours earlier to return to Colorado. While police were at the house, Smith called on her cellphone. She told police that Marshall and Bruce Powell were planning to move to Denver on Saturday to live with her and she had Kayden's clothes in her car but didn't have the boy. Police told her to pull over for questioning. An officer met her at a Kum & Go gas station near Interstate 80 in West Branch, Iowa. She was arrested about 5:30 a.m. on an outstanding Texas warrant, but she denied any knowledge of Kayden's whereabouts, the affidavit says. A search of her cellphone revealed emails in which she said she gave birth on Feb. 5, according to the court document. A search of her Facebook page turned up postings in which she claimed she was pregnant. Smith didn't appear pregnant, according to the affidavit. A pregnancy test that was administered while she was in custody came back negative, U.S. Attorney John Vaudreuil said. Meanwhile, dozens of officers began searches for the child at possible stop-offs along Smith's route from Wisconsin to Iowa. West Branch Police Chief Mike Horihan decided to check the area around a BP station about 500 yards from the station where Smith was arrested. He heard a baby's cries and discovered Kayden in a closed storage crate alongside the building. The newborn was responsive and healthy, the chief said. "I had tears in my eyes," BP station manager Jay Patel said, recalling his reaction to the police chief telling him that the infant had been found. "It's good news, but it's sad, too." Temperatures in West Branch, about 180 miles southwest of the Town of Beloit, dipped below zero Thursday night into Friday. They were still in the single digits when the baby was found. "Surprisingly with the weather the way it was, he was surprisingly healthy," Horihan, the Iowa police chief, said. "To be honest with you, that's not what I expected." The baby was taken to an Iowa City hospital, where he was reunited with his parents and released Friday evening. Online court records didn't list a defense attorney for Smith. She faces life in prison if convicted. Police interviewed Smith again after Kayden was discovered, the affidavit said, and she admitted she had taken the baby and left him at the BP station. Smith appears to go by multiple names and has had run-ins with the law in multiple states, authorities said. The Texas warrant stems from a felony indictment charging her with tampering with government documents late last year while she was in jail in Colorado. They don't know why Colorado released her instead of extraditing her to Texas. Somebody might get yelled at over that. Tech Support Pits From: Sandie Re: Dumping restore points Dear Webby, Should I do this suggestion below, a lady I know sent this and said doing this may help clear up some space???? Sandie How to free up disk space by removing old restore points. Click start, all programs, accessories, system tools, clean up. The clean up wizard appears and scans the drive on which windows is installed (usually C ). After it scans click OK then "More options" "Remove restore points". Wizard asks if you want to remove all but the last restore point, if so click OK. Then confirm OK. Sandie Dear Sandie IF and when you are running out of space, then you may want to think about that. Until then, don't worry about it. The restore points are just text and don't amount to beans. If you need space, first go after duplicates of 5MB or bigger movies. Dumping big stuff makes a much bigger difference. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Rice to Absorb Excess Moisture in Electronics I washed my cell phone in the washing machine. I got it out, took it all apart, and placed it in a bag of rice. It is working fine now :) By fancy2253 from Cincinnati, Ohio Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the Condo clubhouse, when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five finish playing the hand standing up. Then Finkelstein looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell his wife?" They draw straws and Goldberg picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. Goldberg says, "Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet mensch you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me." Then Goldberg goes over to the Meyerwitz apartment and knocks on the door. The wife answers and asks what he wants. Goldberg declares, "Your husband just lost five hundred dollars in a poker game and is afraid to come home." Mrs. Meyerwitz yells, "TELL HIM DEAD HE SHOULD DROP!" And Goldberg says, "Okay, I'll go tell him."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A school bus full of kindergarten students was taking the children home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian. The children began discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." A third child came to a different conclusion. "They use the dog," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
Groan Alert! Practice safe eating - always use condiments. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes from morons? Marriage is the mourning after the knot before. Banning the bra was a big flop A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter. A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor. When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

» Julian Lennon's Lens

Today in 
1752 The Pennsylvania Hospital opened as the very first 
 hospital in America.
1808 Judge Jesse Fell experimented by burning anthracite coal 
 to keep his house warm. He successfully showed how clean the 
 coal burned and how cheaply it could be used as a heating fuel.
1812 The term "gerrymandering" had its beginning when the 
 governor of Massachusetts, Elbridge Gerry, signed a 
 redistricting law that favored his party.
1858 A French girl, Bernadette Soubirous, claimed to have 
 seen a vision of the Virgin Mary near Lourdes.
1929 The Lateran Treaty was signed. Italy now recognized 
 the independence and sovereignty of Vatican City.
1936 Pumping began the process to build San Francisco's 
 Treasure Island.
1937 General Motors agreed to recognize the United Automobile 
 Workers Union, which ended the current sit-down strike.
1960 Jack Paar walked off while live on the air on the 
 "Tonight Show" with four minutes left. He did this in 
 response to censors cutting out a joke from the show 
 the night before.
1979 Nine days after the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini 
 returned to Iran (after 15 years in exile) power was 
 seized by his followers.
1982 France nationalized five groups of major industries 
 and 39 banks.
1990 Nelson Mandela was freed after 27 years in captivity.
1990 In Tokyo, Japan, James "Buster" Douglas knocked out 
 Mike Tyson in the tenth round to win the heavyweight 
 championship.
2000 The space shuttle Endeavor took off. The mission 
 was to gather information for the most detailed map of 
 the earth ever made.
2000 Great Britain suspended self-rule in Northern Ireland 
 after the Irish Republican Army (IRA) failed to begin 
 decommissioning (disarming) by a February deadline.
2002 The six stars on NBC's "Friends" signed a deal for 
 $24 million each for the ninth and final season of 
 the series.
2006 In Texas, U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally 
 shot and wounded a companion during a quail hunt.
2014  smiled.


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Restore trashed spam 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, February 9.


Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a guy in Floriduh, who used Baby Stroller, Pickup Truck, Wrench and broom handle in Lakeland Attack Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1950 U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that the State Department was riddled with Communists. This was the beginning of "McCarthyism." Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one. --- Bishop Sheen Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. --- Lee Trevino
If you are traveling or have a dynamic IP address, or occasionally send from McDonalds or a coffee shop, then you need SMTP2go for reliable and uncensored email SENDING. AND, Most ISPs demand that you use THEIR name after the @, instead of your chosen domain name. With SMTP2go you can use YOUR domain name, even if you travel or are at a Hotspot downtown. Send email from anywhere without ANY hassle with SMTP2go.

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions. One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "Called in Sick yesterday!" There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score. The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator. "Wow," he said. "Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"
>From Kat Thanks to Kati for this report: New Sign in Bank Lobby Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender. MALE PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to the cash machine. 2. Put down your car window. 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6. Put window up. 7. Drive off. ********************************************** FEMALE PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to cash machine. 2. Reverse and back up required distance to align car window with machine 3. Set parking brake, put window down. 4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card 5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up 6. Attempt to insert card into machine. 7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from car. 8. Insert card. 9. Re-insert card right way. 10. Dig through handbag to find diary with PIN written on inside back page. 11. Enter PIN. 12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN. 13. Enter amount of cash required. 14. Check makeup in rear view mirror. 15. Retrieve cash and receipt. 16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside. 17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook. 18. Re-check makeup. 19. Drive forward 2 feet. 20. Reverse back to cash machine. 21. Retrieve card. 22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into appropriate slot. 23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you. 24. Restart stalled engine and pull off. 25. Redial person on cell phone. 26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles. 27. Release Parking Brake.
Click on the picture for the large version sky-whale-pigeon-point
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jamaal Tarshae Johnson, 21, Lakeland, Floriduh Baby Stroller, Pickup Truck, Socket Wrench Broom Handle Used in Lakeland Attack A baby stroller. A socket wrench. A Ford pickup. A broom handle. And a revolver. A 21-year-old man was in jail Monday, accused of hitting or threatening a childhood acquaintance with all five items Friday because he was unhappy about how his pickup was running. Jamaal Tarshae Johnson of 3109 Crystal Hills Loop S., Lakeland, faces an assortment of charges, including aggravated battery with a deadly weapon, because he pointed a gun at Randall Settles, 22, of Fletcher Avenue, Lakeland, according to a Polk County Sheriff's Office arrest report. Settles had been working on Johnson's 1999 Ford F-250 for a week and a half before Friday's incident, according to the report. The two men have known each other since they were children, the report said. Johnson was unhappy with how it was running after a test drive near 3018 Crystal Hills Drive, Lakeland, and Settles explained that he couldn't fix the truck any better without parts. After Settles left to walk home, Johnson followed him with the truck and struck him from behind in an empty lot. The impact threw Settles about 10 feet and knocked him to the ground, the report said. The arrest report said Johnson got out of the truck and began hitting Settles with a broom handle, which Johnson allegedly used to beat Settles. Then came the revolver, which John allegedly pointed at Settles. Then there was more, according to The Ledger: As the altercation continued, Johnson went back to his truck and "armed himself with a baby stroller," swinging it in the direction of Settles... Johnson then grabbed a socket wrench and threw it through the open window of the car, hitting Settles in the face. A friend drove Settles to a convenience store, where an ambulace picked him up. Settles was rushed by ambulance to Lakeland Regional Medical Center where he was treated for various injuries. Johnson is charged including aggravated battery and assault with a deadly weapon. Tech Support Pits FFrom: Betty Re: Restoring trashed spam Dear Webby, I have Mailwasher and have tried to restore some email recently for the first time and cannot get it to restore. Can you help me. I get the message that the restored mail is being sent to ****@sbcglobal.net. Then I get an error message that the connection to the in coming server was reset, check the Internet connection, which I did and it seemed ok to me. What do I need to do to correct the problem. Thank you, Betty Dear Betty In MailWasher, go to TOOLS, OPTIONS, GENERAL SET SMTP Server You have to set the same SMTP server as in your email program. I know it's a nuisance when you travel and use different connections every night, but without that, MailWasher can't send the retrieved mail from your 3-day spam trash to your yahoo/sbcglobal mailbox. If you use SMTP2go it is a lot simpler. Basically, MailWasher has to act like outgoing meil, and send the restored mail to your incoming mail, as if it had just arrived and not been dumped into Spam. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Put Alarm Sticker in Your Window If you don't have a house alarm, you can always put an alarm system sticker in your window anyways! It may help deter burglars. Also, a car alarm can be used, if you can sleep with your car alarm remote with you. If you hear someone trespassing, hit the the panic button! If your car is close enough it will sound and hopefully scare the burglar away. By Selina from Hollywood, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The boss was very exasperated with his new secretary. She ignored the telephone when it rang. "You must answer the telephone," he told her irritably. "All right," she replied, "but it seems so silly. Nine times out of ten, it's for you!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets. Someone asked her what the bracelet was for. She replied, "I'm allergic to nuts and eggs." The person asked, "Are you allergic to cats?" The girl said, "I don't know..... I don't eat cats."
'BAMA U DICTIONARY OF MEDICAL TERMS Anti-Body - against everyone Artery - study of paintings Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria Barium - what to do when treatment fails Bowel - letters lik A E I O or U Caesarean Section - a district in Rome Cardiology - advanced study of poker playing Cat Scan - searching for ones lost kitty Cauterize - made eye contact with her Colic - sheep dog Coma - punctuation mark Congenital - friendly D & C - where Washington is Dilate - to live long Enema - not a friend Fester - quicker Genes - blue denim slacks Genital - non-Jewish Hangnail - coat hook Hemorrhoid - a male From outer space Herpes - what women do in the Ladies Room Hormones - what a prostitute does when she doesn't get paid Impotent - distinguished, well known Inpatient - tired of waiting Labor Pain - hurt at work Medical Staff - a doctor's cane Minor Operation - coal digging Morbid - a higher bid Nitrate - cheaper than the Day Rate Node - was aware of Organic - organ repairman Outpatient - a person who has fainted Paralyze - two far-fetched stories Pharmacist - person who makes a living dealing in agriculture Post-Operative - a letter carrier Protein - in favor of young people Recovery Room - place to upholster furniture Rectum - what happened to the Corvette Rheumatic - amorous Saline - where you go on your boyfriend's boat Secretion - hiding something Tablet - a small table Terminal Illness - getting sick at the airport Tibia - country in North Africa Tumor - an extra pair Urine - opposite of You're Out Varicose - nearby Vein - conceited

» Sochi

Today in 
1825 The U.S. House of Representatives elected John Quincy 
 Adams president. No candidate had received a majority of 
 electoral votes.
1861 The Provisional Congress of the Confederate States of 
 America elected Jefferson Davis as its president.
1870 The United States Weather Bureau was authorized by 
 Congress. The bureau is officially known as the National 
 Weather Service (NWS).
1884 Thomas Edison and Patrick Kenny executed a patent 
 application for a chemical recording stock quotation 
 telegraph (U.S. Pat. 314,115).
1885 The first Japanese arrived in Hawaii.
1895 Volley Ball was invented by W.G. Morgan.
1895 The first college basketball game was played as 
 Minnesota State School of Agriculture defeated the 
 Porkers of Hamline College, 9-3.
1900 Dwight F. Davis put up a new tennis trophy to go to 
 the winner in matches against England. The trophy was a 
 silver cup that weighed 36 pounds.
1932 America entered the 2-man bobsled competition for the 
 first time at the Olympic Winter Games held at Lake 
 Placid, NY.
1942 The U.S. Joint Chiefs of Staff held its first formal 
 meeting to coordinate military strategy during World War II.
1942 Daylight-saving "War Time" went into effect in the U.S.
1943 During World War II, the battle of Guadalcanal ended 
 with an American victory over Japanese forces.
1950 U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that the State Department 
 was riddled with Communists. This was the beginning of 
 "McCarthyism."
1953 The movie "Superman" premiered.
1969 The Boeing 747 flew its inaugural flight.
1971 The San Fernando Valley experienced the Sylmar earthquake 
 that registered 6.4 on the Richter Scale.
1971 The Apollo 14 spacecraft returned to Earth after mankind's 
 third landing on the moon.
1975 The Russian Soyuz 17 returned to Earth.
2001 "Hannibal," the sequel to "Silence of the Lambs", opened.
2014  smiled.


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Installing Linux instead of IE 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, February 8.

I got hit with the worst flu of my live. Eyes watering,
air panic when coughing, thick discharge from the nose.
very painful swallowing, and zero appetite.
My voice makes John Wayne sound like a juvenile squeaker
by comparison. Quite funny when I tell a telemarketer to
HOLD and click on Accuradio.com

They might still hear my coughing, even  with the phone
sitting in front of the left speaker, but I really don't 
care. After ten minutes or so, I get the BEEP BEEP BEEP
signal telling me that they have hung up.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Married Teacher - Charged After Nude Selfie Pops Up On Revenge Porn Site Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1985 "The Dukes of Hazzard" ended its 6-1/2 year run on CBS television. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I never guess. It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts. --- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (1859 - 1930) -------------- Somebody should 'splain that to Al Gore and the Climate Change sheeple
If you are traveling or have a dynamic IP address, or occasionally send from McDonalds or a coffee shop, then you need SMTP2go for reliable and uncensored email SENDING. AND, Most ISPs demand that you use THEIR name after the @, instead of your chosen domain name. With SMTP2go you can use YOUR domain name, even if you travel or are at a Hotspot downtown. Send email from anywhere without ANY hassle with SMTP2go.

Two very elderly friends, Max and Wally, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Wally didn't show up Max didn't think much about it, figured maybe he had a cold or some such. But after Wally hadn't shown up for a week or so Max really got worried. However, the only time they ever got together anymore (they used to play a lot of golf together) was at the park, and Max couldn't remember where Wally lived so he was unable to find out what had happened to him. A month passed and Max figured old Wally had gone to his heavenly reward, but one day Max approached the park and, lo and behold, there sat Wally! Max was very excited and happy to see him and told him so! Then he said, "For crying out loud Wally, what happened to you???" Wally replied, "I have been in jail." "Jail???," cried Max!! "What in the world for???" "Well," Wally said, "You know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where we sometimes get coffee?" "Yeah" said MAX, "I remember her. What about her?" "Well one day last month she got mad at me and to get even, she charged me with rape. I was so proud of what everyone would think an old fart like me could still do, that when I got into court, I pled 'Guilty'. The judge then took a good look at me and gave me 30 days for perjury."
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee. "What's the matter dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?" "Do you remember when I met you and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies. The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car, making love?" "Yes, I remember" says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues... "Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 >years?'" "I remember that too" she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says..."I would have gotten out today.
Click on the picture for the large version sky-whale-pigeon-point
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jamie Climie, 36, West Chester, OH Married Teacher - Charged After Nude Selfie Pops Up On Revenge Porn Site Jamie Climie, a 36-year-old married teacher at Cincinnati Hills Christian Academy, has been charged after she allegedly lied to police when nude self-taken photographs popped up on a revenge-porn website. According to West Chester police, Climie was arrested late last month after investigators learned that a mobile phone that she had reported stolen, went missing for an entirely different reason. The trouble began when nude photographs of the 5th grade science teacher appeared on the revenge-porn website myex.com back on November 23. Below the images appeared a message which states "Jaimie is married, has children, and works for Cincinnati Hills Christian Academy. She loves showing off her fake tits to anyone willing to give her attention." Investigators say Climie lied to officers on November 24 when she reported that her iPhone had been stolen from her residence. Climie also told investigators that her phone contained racy photographs that she had taken for her husband. Climie resigned from her teaching position at the school on November 30 when news of the photographs reached school officials. At the time, Climie and her husband told local news outlets that they were working with law enforcement to catch the suspect responsible for stealing the phone that contained the nude images. A forensic investigation of Climie's cellphone records and IP address backtracking revealed, however, that Climie sent at least one of the photographs to someone other than her husband prior to the date she claimed that the phone had been stolen. Charges were filed on Jan 16 and a warrant was issued for her arrest. She reportedly turned herself in to police 5 days later. Climie was charged with second-degree obstruction of official business and then released on her own recognizance. Her crime was not the pictures, she is quite cute enough, but lying to the cops. It would be interesting to find out who posted the pictures, whether she had broken a student's heart, or whether she stopped an affair with a grown-up. Tech Support Pits From: Candy Re: Migrating to Linux Dear Webby, I have internet explorer. How do I go about getting Linux for my computer? Thank you. Candy Dear Candy Linux is not a browser, it is an operating system, a very good one! 99.99% of all web servers, that serve the pages, when you browse, and 60% of the POS (Point Of Sale) computers in stores use Linux, the other 40% use Windows XP, and will jump to Linux the day they can't continue to use XP. The Ezinefinder, that is stuck in January, uses a Mac server. Unlike Windows, it does not keep crashing, and for getting actual work done, it is pretty well impossible to beat. To migrate to Linux first get used to Open Office or Office Libre. They are free equivalents of the expensive Microsoft Office. On Linux you use Open Office or Office Libre. Like almost everything on Linux, they are free. And get comfortable with FireFox for your browser. It is better anyway, and works exactly the same on Linux as in Windows. For email, try Thunderbird. It was built with Eudora's source code and has the same reliability and features, but the features are voluntary, only what you choose, not the whole shebang installed automatically. If you like Outlook, try Evolution. Again, same as everyting on Linux, there are a lot more to choose from, and they ar all free. If all the Penguins in your LUG use a certain program, use that program for a start. They will know all the tricks and features. You can always switch to a different program later. The idea is to get good and comfortable with all the programs, that you will be using. Then get used to a graphics program, that has a Linux version. Most of them do, Once you are comfortable with those programs, have a look for a LUG in your area. A LUG is a Linux User Group, where all the Penguins hang out. Linux users are usually called Penguins. Join some LUGs, they are usually Online Forums. Some are nice and friendly, some have mouthy kids, who probably know a lot, but have not yet learned diplomacy. Dump those and stick with the friendly ones, Just lurk for a while and see who on that group is the most knowledgeable and friendly. You will soon pick up the lingo. On friendly LUGs it is quite OK to ask dumb questions like "What is a Live CD" and where can I get one. Sooner or later you will have to ask that question. A "Live CD" is a CD, that lets you boot from it into Linux, without formatting your computer. You basically run Linux off that CD. The people on that LUG will by that time know enough about you, so that they can recommend a certain flavor of Linux. If you don't like that flavor of Linux, don't be shy on the forum. Having tried a Live CD makes you a Penguin, an Insider. There are dozens of different flavors of Linux. Sooner or later you will find one, that you like, and from each flavor, you will learn something. Then all of a sudden you realize that you are enjoying yourself, and even answering question on the forum. Once you have decided on a certain flavor of Linux, then you can install it on your computer, so that it will ask you on boot-up: Windows or Linux Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Hair Color to Combat Head Lice I brought up 5 children and when one got lice, they all got lice. It is not a very funny subject in that you have to wash and dry everything in the house. The medication is not really great so I used hair dye on them. Each child's hair was dyed the same color it was before they had lice. I found the hair coloring killed the lice better than any prescription medication ever did. Boy, was I thankful when they got older and there were no more lice infestations! By gem Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A friend and his wife were considering traveling to Alaska for a trip that the husband had long dreamed of taking. He kept talking about how great it would be to stay in a log cabin without electricity, to hunt moose, and drive a dog team instead of a car. "If we decided to live there permanently, away from civil- ization, what would you miss the most?" he asked his wife. She replied, "You." ------------- Sounds familiar. Where are you now, Marilee? Still alive?
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

This has been nominated for best email of 1999. The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review. So the story begin: Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees" Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service" RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??" G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs" RS: "Ow July den?" G: "What??" RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?"! ; G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please." RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?" G: "Crisp will be fine." RS : "Hokay. An San tos?" G: "What?" RS:"San tos. July San tos?" G: "I don't think so" RS: "No? Judo one toes??" G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes means." RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?" G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes,an English muffin will be fine." RS: "We bother?" G: "No..just put the bother on the side." RS: "Wad?" G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side." RS: "Copy?" G: "Sorry?" RS: "Copy...tea...mill?" G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all." RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye??" G: "Whatever you say" RS: "Tendjewberrymud" G : "You're welcome"
>From Liz Everybody's a comedian. I called my local home improvement store for a simple piece of advice. "I know the Sheetrock is nailed to the studs," I said to the guy who answered the phone, "but how do I find the studs?" "Call me after 5 or put an ad in the personals column." he suggested.

» Sunrise

Today in 
1802 Simon Willard patented the banjo clock.
1861 The Confederate States of America was formed.
1861 A Cheyenne delegation and some Arapaho leaders accepted 
a new settlement (Treaty of Fort Wise) with the U.S. Federal 
government. The deal ceded most of their land but secured a 
600-square mile reservation and annuity payments.
1900 In South Africa, British troops under Gen. Buller were 
 beaten at Ladysmith. The British fled over the Tugela River.
1904 The Russo-Japanese War began with Japan attacking 
 Russian forces in Manchuria.
1952 Queen Elizabeth II ascended to the British throne. Her 
 father, George VI, had died on February 6.
1963 The Kennedy administration prohibited travel to Cuba and 
 made financial and commercial transactions with Cuba illegal 
 for U.S. citizens.
1963 Lamar Hunt, owner of the American Football League 
 franchise in Dallas, TX, moved the operation to Kansas 
 City. The new team was named the Chiefs.
1974 The three-man crew of the Skylab space station returned 
 to Earth after 84 days.
1978 The U.S. Senate deliberations were broadcast on radio 
 for the first time. The subject was Panama Canal treaties.
1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced a plan to 
 re-introduce draft registration.
1985 "The Dukes of Hazzard" ended its 6-1/2 year run on 
 CBS television.
1993 General Motors sued NBC, alleging that "Dateline NBC" 
 had rigged two car-truck crashes to show that some GM 
 pickups were prone to fires after certain types of crashes. 
 The suit was settled the following day by NBC.
2014  smiled.


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What is an SMTP? And what is SMTP2go? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, February 6.
Did my walk today at Costco. A lot more fun than at 
-35 wind chill outside. And at Costco they give you
all kinds of different new foods about every 1/8 mile.
Usually the foods are nicely contrasting. One station 
might have three bite chunks of deep dish pizza, the
next might be a tangy 4-bean salad, then some crackers 
with chunky salsa, then some Greek yoghurt, and so on.

I just had to go pick up my meds, but naturally, I hiked
the store, enjoyed all the samples, and even bought a 
few items.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today's International Bonehead Award goes to A Floriduh nut wo was jailed for setting an apartment fire because a manager told him to stop masturbating in front of the window. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2000 Russia's acting President Vladimir Putin announced that Russian forces had captured Grozny, Chechnya. The capital city had been under the control of Chechen rebels. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. --- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) I homesteaded in the Yukon, and built my own road. Next time I do that in Florida. --- DearWebby
If you are traveling or have a dynamic IP address, or occasionally send from McDonalds or a coffee shop, then you need SMTP2go for reliable and uncensored email SENDING. AND, Most ISPs demand that you use THEIR name after the @, instead of your chosen domain name. With SMTP2go you can use YOUR domain name, even if you travel or are at a Hotspot downtown. Send email from anywhere without ANY hassle with SMTP2go.

A man was on his way home with a new car, which was absorbing all his attention, when it struck him that he had forgotten something. Twice he stopped, counted his parcels, searched his pockets, but finally decided he had everything with him. Yet the feeling persisted. When he reached home his daughter ran out, stopped short, and cried, "Daddy, where's Mommy?"
>From Beth A lot of people wonder how you know if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this one question: "Would I mind being destroyed financially by this person?"
Click on the picture for the large version Photo Bomber
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kenneth Haskins,58, Tampa, Floriduh Jailed for setting apartment fire because manager told him to stop masturbating Reported by the Huffington Post If I can't masturbate in front of the window, nobody can. That's the attitude Florida man Kenneth Haskins may have had when he allegedly set his apartment complex on fire Sunday night, leaving four people homeless. The 58-year-old Tampa resident reportedly used flammable liquids to start the blaze because he wanted to get back at the complex's management company, Mar Plaza, Tampa Bay Times reports. Recently, management told him he needed to stop masturbating in front of his windows and front door, police told the paper. Haskins reportedly admitted to starting the fire to exact his revenge. No injuries were reported after the fire, which started at about 10 p.m. Bay News reports that firefighters had to evacuate more than 28 units and four were damaged, including Haskins'. Mar Plaza is a community of about 80 small apartments, serving low-income and disabled residents, according to the International Business Times. Haskins has lived there for more than a decade. Previously, his face was disfigured when he shot himself with a shotgun, police said. He didn't previously have a criminal history in Florida. He was charged with first-degree arson on Monday. He's being held in the Orient Road Jail without bail. Tech Support Pits From: Gordon Re: SMTP, wassat? Dear Webby, I have heard that term quite frequently, but nobody has ever been able to 'splain it satisfactorily. Most IT people claim it is some big, huge server, that can handle Gazzilions of emails, but that will shut me down without warning if I fail to obbey the stuff on page 47 of the user agreement. And now you got one of them "big huge servers" TO GO? You better explain that stuff so mere mortals can understand it! Thanks Gordon Dear Gordon I will ignore what it actually is, an agreed on protocol. That is sort of like the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty. Kinda vague, and not everybody agrees with it.. In reality it is the nickname for the part of a web server, that is the port, through which your email enters the net. Your email gets stamped by the SMTP (use that as a memory bridge) with the date and time and IP number of where your mail entered the net. If you send a threatening email to a certain Kenyan, the cops can look at the stamp and see that it was YOUR IP number. The SMTP also does a bunch of checking to make sure your email obeys the agreed on protocols. If it is OK, and with most email programs it will be OK, and if you are authorized to use that SMTP port, then the email is sent out towards the destination. That "authorized" bit is the snag. It prevents a spammer from using your ISP's SMTP port to send out tons of spam. You can send valentines cards to all your 300 Sweeties, no matter where they are, because YOU are authorized by your ISP. The spammer isn't. And if your ISP's SMTP port catches you spamming, then you will be cut off without warning, instantly and automatically. You won't even be able to write to your ISP about it. Such is the power of the SMTP port. At home your authorization is established by your DSL modem / router or your cable modem / router or even by your dial-up log-in. No problem there. The SMTP knows you are legit. However, if you are at a motel or hamburger joint or donut shop, the WiFi works fine and you can browse at acceptable speeds, but you can't send email. To make sure that no spammer comes in, buys a coffee and a donut, and then sends out a Million spams, they simply don't let their SMTP accept anybody except the manager. Here is where you need that SMTP2go. With that you got an SMTP port, that will recognize YOU, no matter where you are, at home, at the donut shop, at McDonalds in Peking, at Walmart on Mars, anywhere. There is also another important consideration. Most ISPs DEMAND, that you use their name after the @, not your own domain name, unless you pay $100 extra for a business account. With SMTP2go you can use gordon@gordonsboats.com as your FROM and REPLY-TO address. For business people that makes a huge difference. Try it out for free, and if you like it, get their $4.50 plan. Even without a big business, it is a lot nicer to send email with YOUR chosen address. I register domain names for $10 per year. Other registrars do it for $15 to $75 Hosting a small site is $4.50 a month, and nobody censors it except you, as long as it is reasonably legal. Then you can send mail as sexy@inthedungeon.net via your SMTP2go and receive mail at your domain. There you can use any email program you want. Information Overload? Ask me about details, that are not quite clear. By the way, inthedungeon.net is still available on a first come, first served basis. Whoever orders it first, gets it. amongstflowers.com is also still available. inthepew.com is still available. Tell me what you want, and I'll find you a suitable name. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reusable Refills for Swiffer I purchase microfiber dish towels at the dollar store. Since they're not very good for drying dishes because they do not absorb water, I use them for my Swiffer to clean my kitchen and bathroom floor. I just wet them down with warm water, wring them out then place them over the Swiffer and scrub the floor. They're washable, thus reusable and I don't have to spend the big bucks for refills. Source: Got the idea from my friend Julia. She does the same thing By Kathy Microfiber dishtowels absorb a cup full of water, if you treat them right. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER dry them in the dryer with a sheet of Bounce or similar anti-static! That makes them repel water! Just wring them out and hang them up. For drying dishes, which seems to be a lost art with today's dish soaps, that let everything dry without drop marks, lightly wet the microfiber cloth and wring it out HARD, as hard as you can. It won't hurt it, even when I do it. Then use that slightly damp microfiber cloth for drying and polishing dishes and silverware. It is the same on the floor. Until the microfiber is wet or at least damp, it does not do anything. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
From Lil The fragrance department of a major New York City store where I shop is always pushing the latest scents. Attractive models move about the floor offering to spray customers with the newest bouquet. One day, outside the store's restaurant, a model sprayed two women who had just finished their lunch. When one woman com- mented that the perfume was too strong, the model replied, "The fragrance will be softer once the alcohol wears off." "See!" her friend chided. "I told you not to have that second drink."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

The new family in the neighborhood overslept, and their six- year-old daughter missed her school bus. The father, though late for work, had to drive her if she'd direct him to the school. They rode several blocks before she told him to turn the first time, several more before she indicated another turn. This went on for 20 minutes - but when they finally reached the school, it proved to be only a block from their home. The father, much annoyed, asked his daughter why she'd led him around in such a circle. The child explained, "That's the way the school bus goes, Daddy. It's the only way I know."
>from Victor I was working as a student operator at Michigan Tech. One particularly trying afternoon, the system was merrily crashing for a number of reasons. After about four such spectacles, we broadcast that the computer would be down for the remainder of the afternoon. There was a resigned groan from the users and they began to file out of the Center, except for one comely young woman with wide blue eyes who wandered up to the counter and queried: "What's wrong with the computer?" Too tired and irritated to give her a straight answer, I looked her straight in the eye and replied: "Broken muffler belt." A look of deep concern wafted into her expression as she asked: "Oh, that's bad. Can you call Midas?"

» Pesky Critters

1778 The United States gained official recognition from France
1815 The state of New Jersey issued the first American railroad 
 charter to John Stevens.
1899 The U.S. Senate ratified a peace treaty between the U.S. 
 and Spain.
1900 The Holland Senate ratified the 1899 peace conference 
 decree that created in international arbitration court at 
 The Hague.
1911 The first old-age home for pioneers opened in Prescott, AZ.
1926 The National Football League adopted a rule that made 
 players ineligible for competition until their college class 
 graduated.
1932 Dog sled racing happened for the first time in Olympic 
 competition.
1952 Britain's King George VI died. His daughter, Elizabeth II, 
 succeeded him.
1959 The U.S., for the first time, successfully test-fired a Titan 
 intercontinental ballistic missile from Cape Canaveral.
1971 NASA Astronaut Alan B. Shepard used a six-iron that he 
 had brought inside his spacecraft and swung at three golf 
 balls on the surface of the moon.
1972 Over 500,000 pieces of irate mail arrived at the mail 
 room of CBS-TV, when word leaked out that an edited-for-TV 
 version of the X-rated movie, "The Demand," would be shown.
1985 The French mineral water company, Perrier, debuted 
 its first new product in 123 years. The new items were water 
 with a twist of lemon, lime or orange.
1987 President Ronald Reagan turned 76 years old this day and 
 became the oldest U.S. President in history.
1998 Washington National Airport was renamed for U.S. 
 President Ronald Reagan with the signing of a bill by 
 U.S. President Clinton.
1999 King Hussein of Jordan transferred full political power 
 to his oldest son the Crown Prince Abdullah.
1999 Excerpts of former White House intern Monica Lewinsky's 
 videotaped testimony were shown at President Clinton's 
 impeachment trial.
1999 Heavy fighting resumed along the common border between 
 Ethiopia and Eritrea.
2000 Russia's acting President Vladimir Putin announced that 
 Russian forces had captured Grozny, Chechnya. The capital 
 city had been under the control of Chechen rebels.
2000 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton formally declared 
 that she was a candidate for a U.S. Senate seat from the 
 state of New York. It was a secure seat with no competition.
2001 Ariel Sharon was elected Israeli prime minister.
2002 A federal judge ordered John Walker Lindh to be held 
 without bail pending trial. Lindh was known as the 
 "American Taliban."
2014  smiled.


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Bouncing spam? DONT! 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, February 5.
-26 and windy. I skipped my walk today. 

When I was living in the bush in the Yukon, after a -40 spell,
that would have been quite comfortable and great weather to 
go cut and sled some firewood. A dozen years here in Alberta
have softened me up and though I COULD look for some long
underwear and dress properly, since it is not really 
necessary, I stayed inside.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Nebraska teacher, who was jailed for having sex 50 - 60 times with a 15 year old. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1999 Mike Tyson was sentenced to a year in jail for assaulting two people after a car accident on August 31, 1998. Tyson was also fined $5,000, had to serve 2 years of probation, and had to perform 200 hours of community service upon release. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! --- Tom Lehrer (1928 - )
If you are traveling or have a dynamic IP address, or occasionally send from McDonalds or a coffee shop, then you need SMTP2go for reliable and uncensored email SENDING. AND, Most ISPs demand that you use THEIR name after the @, instead of your chosen domain name. With SMTP2go you can use YOUR domain name, even if you travel or are at a Hotspot downtown. Send email from anywhere without ANY hassle with SMTP2go.

Thanks to Kati for this story: Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya". "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's me husband?" "That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery." "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me." "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry." Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned." "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?" "Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."
One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw his crutches down the stairs. An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen. "Son, you've just witnessed a miracle!" the priest said. "Tell me where is this man now?" "Uh, he's over there by the holy water, sprawled on the floor, and cussing up a real storm."
Click on the picture for the large version Hongkong skyline from Victoria peak
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Carrie Miller, 24, Tecumseh, NE Teacher - Charged With Repeatedly Having Sex With 15 Year Old Student Reported by the Weekly Vice Carrie Miller, a 24-year-old Spanish teacher at Johnson County Central High School, was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly had sex with a 15-year-old student. According to the Johnson County Sheriff's Office, an investigation was launched Monday after allegations surfaced accusing Miller of having sexual contact with a minor student 50 to 60 times during the fall of 2012. Investigators say several of the alleged sexual encounters took place at an abandoned farmstead in Nemaha County and were often arranged over text messages and calls to the boy's mobile phone. Miller reportedly turned herself in after a warrant had been issued for her arrest. She was booked into jail and charged with sexual assault and using an electronic device to entice a minor. Her bond has been set at $25,000. ------- Bonehead, or Bimbo-malfunction? I know teachers have always messed around, but they used to be a lot pickier about who they chose. The only writing used to be fancy poetry, extremely careful and without naming any names, always assuming that the poetry WOULD fall into the wrong hands. Tech Support Pits From: Ella Re: Bouncing Spam Dear Webby, I have always been bouncing spam back at the sender, but now my daughter told me that you had written once that was a dumb idea. She couldn't remember the details, though, and told me to write you myself. So, what's the story with bouncing spam? Ella Dear Ella The only email to bounce is when your mother-in-law writes that she will come for an uninvited but extended visit. Spammers never use their own address as the sender address, and often they even forge the recipient's address as the sender address. Not all, but some spammers use a collector address to catch all the bounces. They can tell if the mail was bounced by a spam control program. A fake bounce to them is confirmation that the address works, and they sell it as "guaranteed live". Except for the one exception mentioned above, bouncing does not work in your favor. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bleach to Clean Hard Surfaces A 22 oz. bottle of Clorox Spray Cleaner for hard surfaces costs about $3.00 per bottle. If you check the ingredients list, it will indicate 1% sodium hypochlorite (aka bleach) and 99% H20 (aka water). Make your own and save yourself the cash when your 3 dollar bottle runs out! By Nan from Texas Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
*Sixteen Steps to Build a Campfire* 1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers. 2. Bandage left thumb. 3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments 4. Bandage left foot. 5. Make structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand) 6. Light Match 7. Light Match 8. Repeat "a Scout is cheerful" and light match. 9. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base of fire. 10. Apply burn ointment to nose. 11. When fire is burning, collect more wood. 12. Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out searching for more wood, soak wood from can labeled "kerosene." 13. Treat face and arms for second-degree burns. 14. Relabel can to read "gasoline." 15. When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood. 16. When thunderstorm has passed, repeat steps.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Man to Ticket Agent: I want to buy a bus ticket for Norwald. Ticket Agent, Searching Book: Norwald? Let me find that. Hmm... never heard of it. Let me see... Norwald. I don't see Norwald listed, and I can't find it on the map. Just where is Norwald, anyway? Man: Over there. He's my brother-in-law.
From Ella While walking through a parking lot, I slipped and fell flat on my face. As I was lying there, a woman stopped her car and called out, "Are you hurt?" "No, I'm fine," I said, touched by her concern. "Oh, good," she continued. "So will you be vacating that parking space soon?"

» Wind Blown

Today, February 5, in
1782 The Spanish captured Minorca from the British.
1783 Sweden recognized the independence of the United States.
1861 Samuel Goodale patented the moving picture peep show 
 machine.
1885 Congo State was established under Leopold II of Belgium, 
 as a personal possession.
1917 Mexico's constitution was adopted.
1924 The BBC time signals, or "pips", from Greenwich Observatory 
 were heard for the first time. They are broadcast every hour.
1931 Maxine Dunlap became the first woman licensed as a 
 glider pilot.
1952 In New York City, four signs were installed at 44th Street 
 and Broadway in Times Square that told pedestrians "don't walk."
1958 Gamel Abdel Nasser was formally nominated to become the 
 first president of the United Arab Republic.
1962 French President Charles De Gaulle called for Algeria's 
 independence. 
1982 Great Britain imposed economic sanctions against Poland 
and Russia in protest against martial law in Poland.
1988 A pair of indictments were unsealed in Florida, accusing 
 Panama's military leader, Gen. Manuel Antonio Noriega, of 
 bribery and drug trafficking.
1997 Switzerland's "Big Three" banks announced they would 
 create a $71 million fund for Holocaust victims and 
 their families.
1999 Mike Tyson was sentenced to a year in jail for assaulting 
 two people after a car accident on August 31, 1998. Tyson 
 was also fined $5,000, had to serve 2 years of probation, 
 and had to perform 200 hours of community service upon release.
2003 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell presented evidence 
 to the U.N. concerning Iraq's material breach of U.N. 
 Resolution 1441.
2014  smiled.


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Humor: Computer set-up when moving to a different town 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, February 3.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Atlanta man who stole a tow truck and used it to steal stranded cars from their snowapocalypse. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2010 The Alberto Giacometti sculpture L'Homme qui marche sold for $103.7 million. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain. --- Edward De Bono God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778)
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

"Look at ME!!" boasted the fit old man, pounding a very flat and firm stomach, having just finished 100 sit-ups before a group of young people. "Fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why?? I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't stay up late, and I don't chase after loose women!!" He smiled at them, teeth white, eyes aglitter, "And tomorrow, YAHOO, I'm going to celebrate my *95th* birthday!!!" "Oh, really?" drawled one of the young onlookers, "How? With an extra bran muffin?"
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old nuns in the car - two in the front seat and three in the back - wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." "Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that "22" was the highway number, not the speed limit. A bit embarassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer asks. "Oh, they'll be alright in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 119." 119 is a gravel highway, one lane in each direction. When the cop relayed the event to the dispatcher, he was told: You better shoot them down before they get to the 401!" (The 401 is now #1, the Highway of Heroes, named that to honor the soldiers, who died in service in Afghanistan.)
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Aurora Astralis from space
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Louis Mitchell Jr., 34, Atlanta, GA an Atlanta man who stole a tow truck and used it to steal stranded cars from their snowapocalypse. A 34-year-old man is accused of using a tow truck to take cars that were abandoned in Atlanta during the winter storm and traffic jam. Police said Louis Mitchell Jr. was arrested Thursday and charged with auto theft, forgery and other offenses. Atlanta Police Sgt. Greg Lyon told The Atlanta Journal- Constitution (http://bit.ly/1gz4aKo) that a police officer saw an unmarked tow truck pulling a car. The truck fled when the officer tried stopping it. The driver and passenger fled the truck during the chase withut stopping it, sending it crashing. Investigators say the tow truck was stolen this month. It was pulling a Toyota that was stranded on Interstate 85. The investigation led police to five other cars taken from highways. Mitchell is being held in the Fulton County jail on five counts of theft by taking auto, three counts of second-degree forgery and one count each of criminal damage to property, affixing a license plate to conceal, and driving with a suspended license, according to records. His next court appearance is Feb. 14 at the Fulton County Justice Center. Tech Support Pits From: Chris Re: Moving Dear Webby, My question and PLEASE don't laugh because I never did this before and I don't know how. This is my very first computer. I have things on here, by checking acct., bills I pay online, other web sites, stored things like recipes etc., How do I go about changing addresses on all of them if I have to move and once moved will my computer still have all the info once plugged back in? Seriously Webby, I DO NOT know that's why I'm asking you. You never steered me wrong before. Thank You. Chris Dear Chris It depends on how far you are going to move. If you move to the moon, then your address will change from gmail to gmoon. There is also gmars, gvenus, and gheaven. There is no ghell. If you go to hell, you'll have to use Yahell. However, if you stay on earth, then your gmail email address won't change. If you use the same ISP at the new place, for example earthlink, then all you change is the dial-up number to the number of that town. If you use DSL, your ISP will provide you with a pre-programmed modem-router combo, and instructions about phoning them, once you have it unpacked and plugged in. They will, if necessary, walk you rgeough the registration. Usually it is automatic these days. Everything else will stay the same. You can change the default shipping address at DELL, Victoria's Secret, and wherever you shop, when you place your next order. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Photo Coasters Soap Makes Needles Glide Through Fabric You can stick your needles and pins in a bar of soap to make them slide into your material easier. I use the little bars that you get at the motel. You can keep them in the wrapper and it doesn't sliver off. By Mary Warren Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Three small boys were bragging about their fathers. The first boasted that his dad owned a farm. The second said his dad owned a factory. The third boy, a pastors son, replied: "That's nothin'. My dad owns hell." "No way," another boy scoffed. "How can a man own hell?" "Sure he can," the preacher's son said. "My mom told my grandma that them elders of our church gave it to him last night."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A colleague was planning a trip to my business office and asked if I could find him a hotel with exercise facilities. I called several hotels, with no luck. Finally, I thought I had found one. I asked the receptionist if the hotel had a weight room. "No," she replied, "but we have a lobby and he can wait there."
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closching schong, hic, let ussch sching Hymn # 365: "Schall We Gather at, hic, the Rrriver."

» Classic Cars

Today, February 3, in
1488 The Portuguese navigator Bartholomeu Diaz landed at 
 Mossal Bay in the Cape, the first European known to have 
 landed on the southern extremity of Africa.
1690 The first paper money in America was issued by the 
 Massachusetts colony. The currency was used to pay soldiers 
 that were fighting in the war against Quebec.
1783 Spain recognized the independence of the United States.
1815 The world's first commercial cheese factory was 
 established in Switzerland.
1862 Thomas Edison printed the "Weekly Herald" and distributed 
 it to train passengers traveling between Port Huron and 
 Detroit, MI. It was the first time a newspaper had been 
 printed on a train.
1913 The 16th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. 
 It authorized the power to impose and collect income tax.
1916 In Ottawa, Canada's original parliament buildings 
 burned down.
1917 The U.S. broke off diplomatic relations with Germany, 
 which had announced a policy of unrestricted submarine warfare.
1941 In Vichy, France, the Nazis used force to restore 
 Pierre Laval to office.
1945 Russia agreed to enter World War II against Japan.
1966 The first rocket-assisted controlled landing on the 
 Moon was made by the Soviet space vehicle Luna IX.
1972 The first Winter Olympics in Asia were held at 
 Sapporo, Japan.
1988 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected U.S. 
 President Reagan's request for at least $36.25 million 
 in aid to the Nicaraguan Contras.
1998 In Italy, a U.S. Military plane hit a cable causing 
 the death of 20 skiers on a lift.
2010 The Alberto Giacometti sculpture L'Homme qui marche 
 sold for $103.7 million. 
2014  smiled.


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How to prepare a computer for moving to a new location? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, February 2.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Mom who pimped out daughter, 15, for Super Bowl sex Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1989 The final Russian armored column left Kabul, Afghanistan, after nine years of military presence. At that time the CIA had trained and equipped the Taliban to help them kick the Russians out. Like the Americans now, the Russians were not defeated in the field, but at home. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Wine makes a man more pleased with himself; I do not say that it makes him more pleasing to others. --- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

>From Alison I had just moved from an apartment to a house in the same small town. One day at the grocery store, I used the last of my personalized checks bearing my old address. The cashier examined the document and asked if everything on it was correct. I assured her that it was, and she started to put the check in the cash drawer. But then she inquired again if everything was accurate. "Why do you ask?" I responded. "Because," she replied, "my husband and I moved to this address last week." Then she paused while she kicked the 911 floor button a few times, and then continued: "and I don't remember seeing you at breakfast."
Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Kyiv, Ukraine. The protest running since late November, is getting more violent.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Yolanda Ostolaza, 39, Florida, now in jail in New York Mom Pimped Out Daughter, 15, For Super Bowl Sex reported by the Smoking Gun JANUARY 31--A Florida woman is jailed after making a Super Bowl week trip from her home to New York City, where she allegedly sought to pimp out her 15-year-old daughter, according to police. When questioned by cops after her arrest Wednesday, Yolanda Ostolaza, 39, admitted that, “We came up here to work and make money with a pimp. I knew it was for escorting and prostitution,” according to a misdemeanor criminal complaint. As for her child’s role in the illegal activity, Ostolaza remarked, “I thought my daughter was just going to do the fetish stuff.” Undercover vice detectives, who initially contacted the teen via an online ad, arranged to pay $200 for a sexual encounter at a Manhattan hotel. When officers later took the girl into custody, she told them her age and said that her mother was waiting for her at a nearby hotel. Ostolaza, pictured above, was subsequently charged with endangering the welfare of a child, a misdemeanor. She remains locked up in lieu of $2000 bail. Her daughter has been placed in the custody of child welfare officials. A New Jersey native, Ostolaza’s rap sheet includes a narcotics distribution conviction for which she was sentenced to probation. Florida court records show that Ostoloza was sued last month for eviction by the owner of the apartment complex where she resides with her family. The report did not state how many years the pair has been working as hookers or as a pimp-hooker team. Tech Support Pits From: Chris Re: Moving Dear Webby, My question and PLEASE don't laugh because I never did this before and I don't know how. This is my very first computer. I have things on here, by checking acct., bills I pay online, other web sites, stored things like recipes etc., How do I go about changing addresses on all of them if I have to move and once moved will my computer still have all the info once plugged back in? Seriously Webby, I DO NOT know that's why I'm asking you. You never steered me wrong before. Thank You. Chris Dear Chris It depends on how far you are going to move. If you move to the moon, then your address will change from gmail to gmoon. There is also gmars, gvenus, and gheaven. There is no ghell. If you go to hell, you'll have to use Yahoo. However, if you stay on earth, then your gmail email address won't change. If you use the same ISP at the new place, for example earthlink, then all you change is the dial-up number to the number of that town. If you use DSL, your ISP will provide you with a pre-programmed modem-router combo, and instructions about phoning them, once you have it unpacked and plugged in. They will, if necessary, walk you rgeough the registration. Usually it is automatic these days. Everything else will stay the same. You can change the default shipping address at DELL, Victoria's Secret, and wherever you shop, when you place your next order. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Photo Coasters Insert a photo into small square picture frames. Then, seal the edge where the glass meets the frame with clear caulking or a thick bead of hot glue; this will protect the picture from sweaty glasses or spills. Give a set to a grandmother and put a picture of each grandchild in each coaster, or have each child draw a special picture for each coaster and give the set to Mom. By Kelly Ann Butterbaugh Instead of a breakable and not dishwasher safe picture frame, you can get clear laminate. Some are pre-glued and have one edge open with a removable protector strip, others are heat sealed, and some are just plain sheats of heat activated laminate. Those are the best by far, though they require ironing to glue onto the picture front and back. After that, they are as sturdy and washable as security tags or lift tickets. They last forever. You can use the same method for placemats. The pictures will fade a bit after 30 years, but the laminate is still fine. Yoou can also go to the nearest truck stop, and buy laminated picture placemats for a very reasonable price. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Mr. Allen, a high-powered executive trying to impress a client in his office, flipped on his intercom switch and barked to his secretary, "Miss Hunter, get my broker!" The client was impressed until he heard the secretary's clear voice saying, "Yes, sir, stock or pawn!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

As paramedics, my partner and I were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who had become disoriented. We decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation. En route, with siren going, I questioned the man to determine his level of awareness. Leaning close, I asked, "Sir, do you know what we're doing right now?" He slowly looked up at me, then gazed out the ambulance window. "Oh," he replied, "I'd say about 50, maybe 55."
Maturity means being emotionally and mentally healthy. It is that time when you know when to say yes and when to say no, and when to say WHOOPEE!

» The Mosaic Culture

Today, February 2, in
1536 The Argentine city of Buenos Aires was founded by 
 Pedro de Mendoza of Spain.
1653 New Amsterdam, now known as New York City, was 
 incorporated.
1848 The Mexican War was ended with the signing of the 
 Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo. The treaty turned over 
 portions of land to the U.S., including Texas, New Mexico, 
 Nevada, Utah, Arizona, California and parts of Colorado 
 and Wyoming. The U.S. gave Mexico $15,000,000 and assumed 
 responsibility of all claims against Mexico by American 
 citizens. Texas had already entered the U.S. on 
 December 29, 1845.
1848 The first shipload of Chinese emigrants arrived in 
 San Francisco, CA.
1863 Samuel Langhorne Clemens used a pseudonym for the 
 first time. He is better remembered by the pseudonym 
 which is Mark Twain.
1878 Greece declared war on Turkey.
1880 The S.S. Strathleven arrived in London with the 
 first successful shipment of frozen mutton from Australia.
1887 The beginning of Groundhog Day in Punxsutawney, PA.
1892 William Painter patented the bottle cap.
1893 The Edison Studio in West Orange, NJ, made history 
 when they filmed the first motion picture close-up. The 
 studio was owned and operated by Thomas Edison.
1913 Grand Central Terminal officially opened
1935 Leonard Keeler conducted the first test of the 
 polygraph machine, in Portage, WI.
1943 During World War II, the remainder of Nazi forces from 
 the Battle of Stalingrad surrendered to the Soviets. 
 Stalingrad has since been renamed Volgograd.
1945 U.S. President Roosevelt and British Prime Minister 
 Winston Churchill left for a summit in Yalta with 
 Soviet leader Josef Stalin.
1962 The 8th and 9th planets aligned for the first time 
 in 400 years.
1971 Idi Amin assumed power in Uganda after a coup that 
 ousted President Milton Obote.
1980 The situation known as "Abscam" began when reports 
 surfaced that the FBI had conducted a sting operation 
 that targeted members of the U.S. Congress. Phony 
 Arab businessmen were used in the operation.
1989 The final Russian armored column left Kabul, 
 Afghanistan, after nine years of military occupation.
1998 U.S. President Clinton introduced the first balanced 
 budget in 30 years.
1999 Hugo Chávez Frías took office. He had been elected 
 president of Venezuela in December 1998.
2004 It was reported that a white powder had been found 
 in an office of Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. The 
 CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) later 
 confirmed that the powder was the poison ricin.
2014  smiled.


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How to use a memory stick 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, February 1.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Convicted Killer Raymond Morillo, who escapes from New York psychiatric hospital a few days before scheduled release. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2003 NASA's space shuttle Columbia exploded while re-entering the Earth's atmosphere. All seven astronauts on board were killed. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Most new books are forgotten within a year, especially by those who borrow them. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) Health food makes me sick. --- Calvin Trillin (1935 - )
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

Sam and Ruth from Maine had just bought a new car when winter hit with all its fury. "I wonder if the car has seat warmers," Ruth wondered. "It sure does," said Sam, looking through the owner's manual. "Here it is...rear defrosters."
Thanks to Sandie for this story: When we agreed to help our sergeant move to a new apartment, we didn't know the elevator wasn't working. So after hours of carrying heavy boxes and furniture up 11 floors, we were wiped out. And when the sergeant asked us to search for his favorite pot, no one moved. "I'll give a bottle of Scotch to whoever finds it," he shouted. Within minutes, a private found his pot. "Good," said the sarge. "Now look for the Scotch."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version One of our orchids. There are 4-5 more stems coming along, so this plant will be showy for a while forward. Lillemor
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Raymond Morillo, 33, Convicted Killer Raymond Morillo Escapes From New York Psychiatric Hospital a few days before scheduled release. reported by the Huff Post Police in Tennessee captured a convicted killer who snuck out of a New York City psychiatric hospital by swapping clothes with a friend who was visiting him. Cops apprehended Raymond Morillo, 33, at a Memphis bus station on Thursday night, according to the New York Post. The capture should relieve anxieties in Queens where the Daily News reported that residents feared running into the violent felon who slipped out of the Creedmoor Psychiatric Center on Tuesday. Morillo and an accomplice were convicted of slashing the throats of two men on a subway platform in 1998, according to an earlier New York Post article. While he was out on bail for that crime, a man was fatally shot during a dispute with Morillo and a group of teenagers. Morillo completed a 14-year sentence for manslaughter and assault in December. Authorities deemed him too dangerous for release, however, and sent him to Creedmoor for further evaluations, the Daily News said. He escaped just a few days ahead of his scheduled release. The New York Police Department tracked his cellphone to the Greyhound terminal in Memphis and alerted authorities there, DNAinfo reported. NYPD officers also arrested the friend who allegedly put on Morillo's hospital uniform. They charged him with criminal impersonation and obstruction of governmental administration, the Associated Press reported. Morillo's scheduled release will be rescheduled to after serving time for escaping. Tech Support Pits From: Klaus Re: Using memory sticks Dear Webby, I have just purchased a 16 GB memory stick which when I plug it into a USB port shows up on my computer as 'USB Disk (J:)'. My question is how do I transfer files onto this memory stick from stuff on the computer and outlook express? Your help in the past has been greatly appreciated. Thanks Klaus Dear Klaus With most memory sticks you simply drag the files and folders to and from it, like it was a hard drive. It is very rare that a computer does not see and recognize them. Making shortcuts from old default directories to the USB drive really speeds things up. Find out where your Outlook deposits pictures. Go there and make a shortcut to a "Keepers" folder on the USB drive. Then when you sort out pictures, you can just drag them to that shortcut. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Phone Service Wherever You Have Wi-Fi If you have internet service anywhere (even free Wi-Fi at McDonalds), then you also have phone service. Create yourself a free Gmail email account. Then, find the telephone receiver icon on the Gmail email home page. Hit that icon, then dial the number. If you want privacy, be sure to use a headset with a microphone and earplugs, otherwise, it works as a speaker phone. I have used this when traveling. Often you can access free Wi-Fi in parking lots of major hotels, McDonalds, libraries and such. I have also used it at some of the kids camps I work at during the summer months. We have wi-fi, but are so remote our cell phones don't work. You can only call out this way (can't receive), and your number will show up differently every time you call out. But, it beats a service you have to pay for or none at all. By April You can also use Skype. Calling other Skype users is free, text or voice or video. You can also be called by other Skype users. Calling land lines and cell phones is about 2 cents per minute. The downside is that after Microsoft bought Skype, they messed up the font sizes in the contact list, and many people now need a magnifyng glass to read it. Other than that, Skype is still a great program. I have used it for tech support for a dozen years or more, and also use it daily for a quick free video chat with my dad in Austria, Europe. Gmail has better video quality, but needs a better connection. The main advantage of Skype is that a lot more people are using it, and can therefroe be called free. You can also use Skype to send text to mobile phones. "hey Gramma! Put yer teeth in and come onto Skype!" Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet last week."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit." Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."
>From Sheila in Oz I was driving with my three young children one warm evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

» The NCDC:

Today, February 1, in
1788 Isaac Briggs and William Longstreet patented the steamboat.
1793 France declared war on Britain and Holland.
1793 Ralph Hodgson patented oiled silk.
1861 Texas voted to secede from the Union.
1862 "The Battle Hymn of the Republic," by Julia Ward Howe 
 was first published in the "Atlantic Monthly."
1867 In the U.S., bricklayers start working 8-hour days.
1900 Eastman Kodak Co. introduced the $1 Brownie box camera.
1920 The first armored car was introduced.
1920 Canada's Royal North West Mounted Police changed their 
 name to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. The organization 
 was commissioned in 1873.
1921 Carmen Fasanella registered as a taxicab owner and driver 
 in Princeton, New Jersey. Fasanella retired November 2, 1989 
 after 68 years and 243 days of service.
1929 Weightlifter Charles Rigoulet of France achieved the first 
 400 pound ‘clean and jerk’ as he lifted 402-1/2 pounds.
1930 The Times published its first crossword puzzle.
1951 The first telecast of an atomic explosion took place.
1951 The first X-ray moving picture process was demonstrated.
1958 The United Arab Republic was formed by a union of Egypt 
 and Syria. It was broken 1961.
1960 Four black college students began a sit-in protest at a 
 lunch counter in Greensboro, NC. They had been refused service.
1968 During the Vietnam War, South Vietnamese National Police Chief 
 Brig. Gen. Nguyen Ngoc Loan executed a Viet Cong officer, who 
 had raped and killed a number of women, with a pistol shot to 
 the head. The scene was captured in a news photograph and was
 instrumental in raising anti-war hysteria.
1976 "Sonny and Cher" resumed on TV despite a real life divorce.
1979 Patty Hearst was released from prison after serving 22 
 months of a seven-year sentence for bank robbery. Her 
 sentence had been commuted by U.S. President Carter.
1979 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini was welcomed in Tehran 
 as he ended nearly 15 years of exile.
1991 A USAir jetliner crashed atop a commuter plane at Los 
 Angeles International Airport. 35 people were killed.
1999 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky gave a 
 deposition that was videotaped for senators weighing 
 impeachment charges against U.S. President Clinton.
2001 Three Scottish judges found Abdel Basset al-Mergrahi 
 guilty of the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103, which 
 killed 270 people. The court said that Megrahi was a member 
 of the Libyan intelligence service. Al-Amin Khalifa, who 
 had been co-accused, was acquitted and freed. 10 years later
 The National Enquirer and CNN blamed Gadhafi, because he had
 paid a few Billion dollars in rrestitutions, and then had 
 the nerve to flirt at Condolezza Rice.
2003 NASA's space shuttle Columbia exploded while re-entering 
 the Earth's atmosphere. All seven astronauts on board were 
 killed.
2014  smiled.


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Slave Drives 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, January 31.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


It cooled off enough so that the snow became noisy when
walked on. In case you are a Southerner, and have never
heard that, it is a sound half way between a creak and
a scream.

Traction is quite good on snow, when it is noisy. My left
elbow and both hips are still sore from bombing the 
sidewalks yesterday, so I was quite apopreciative of the 
noisy new snow.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Floriduh Deputy charged with scorching 3 year old child's genitals with blow dryer because child wouldn't let him sleep Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"The Constitution does not specify how long the State of the Union address must be. You know who gave the longest State of the Union address ever? Bill Clinton. You know who gave the shortest? George Washington. It was just a couple of minutes. Well sure, when a politician cannot tell a lie, it limits how much they can say." --- Jay Leno ------------ That may have to be updated. Not sure, though, since I don't have time to listen that long.
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

>From Roland Neighbors of ours had a terrible disagreement over a patio they wanted for their backyard. The wife had rather grand ideas, while the husband wanted costs kept to a minimum. The wife won out, and the construction bill climbed higher and higher. I dropped by one day, when the patio was near completion, and was surprised to find the husband smiling from ear to ear as the workmen smoothed over the surface. I remarked how nice it was to see a grin replace the frown he had been wearing lately. "You see where they're smoothing that cement?" he replied. "I just threw my wife's credit cards in there."
>From George Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals .......very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now.
A still evening a few days ago. You still see the almost smoothed over snow angel and drift I mentioned a couple of weeks ago. During a Chinook that chime in the foreground flies straight horizontally. Noisily too! Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Cody Marrone, 21, Spring Hill, Floriduh Deputy charged with scorching 3 year old child's genitals with blow dryer because child wouldn't let him sleep reported by the Weekly Vice Cody Marrone, a 21-year-old Florida man, was jailed Friday after he allegedly burned a 3-year-old boy's genitals because the child wouldn't let him sleep. According to the Hernando County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to Spring Hill Regional Hospital after a 3-year-old boy was admitted for burn marks that didn't appear accidental. The boy reportedly had burn marks to multiple parts of his body including his genital area, buttocks and chest. To make matters worse, the boy's genital area had become inflamed and severely swollen from the burns. The burn marks also took the shape of a grill, which the mother noted as being the same shape and pattern of her blow dryer. Investigators say the mother, Meghan Sherron, had been at work when the boy was injured and had placed the child in the care of her ex-boyfriend, Cody, as she had done many times in the past. When deputies questioned Marrone about the burns, Marrone told them that the boy injured himself while playing with the blow dryer. However, after he was read his Miranda Rights, Marrone admitted to causing the child's injuries. Marrone, who is a Hernando County Detention Deputy, went on to inform investigators that he burned the little boy with the blow dryer because the child would not "let him sleep," according to the arrest affidavit. Marrone was booked into jail and charged with aggravated child abuse and child neglect. His bond has been set at $20,000. Now the detention deputy is in detention. Tech Support Pits From: Ricky Re: Slave setting Dear Webby, How do I change a master hard drive to a slave? I have a couple older hard drives that I would like to be able to add to my com. There is one particular drive that I got out of a computer from freecycle.org, lets call that drive I, always starts when I turn on the computer. I end up running on "Windows 95" I dont' want that. I want to run my current drive, C, and be able to access I as a seperate drive. You see, drive I has a lot of music on it and I just want to be able to access it like I do any of my other spare drives.... Thanks Webby -Ricky On really old drives the jumpers for that are on the circuit board, on newer ones they are between the ribbon cable and the power plug-in. If you look close, you'll see one or two miniature Lego blocks. Those are the jumpers. Now, if you look at the label side of the drive, there is a small diagram showing you how to set the jumper to tell it to be a Master drive, Slave drive or RAID drive. Nowadays the simples way to run extra drives is in external drive enclosures and plugged into a USB port. Externally, with USB-2 drive enclosures you can run another two drives. USB drives have to be set as Slaves. Your C: drive is the Master, it determines which Operating system is used. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ski Mask For Winter Cycling Cold weather cycling can be made much more comfortable by a trip to your local ski shop. Ski gear is designed for breaking the cold wind you're likely to face when winter cycling. A knit ski mask with a vapor-permeable membrane will protect your face from icy winds but won't get soggy as you breathe hard during exertion. It should fit closely enough to allow you to wear your normal helmet on top. By joesgirl Make sure you take it off before going into the bank or even stopping at a drive-through! Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
There was a king in Africa who had a close friend that he grew up with. The friend had a habit of looking at every situation that ever occurred in his life (positive or negative) and remarking, "This is good!" One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was blown off. Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, "This is good!" To which the king replied, "No this is NOT good!" and proceeded to send his friend to jail. About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured him and took him to their village. They tied him to a stake surrounded by wood. As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king had but one thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone that was less than whole. They untied the king and sent him away. As he returned home, he was reminded of the event that had taken his thumb and felt so very badly about his treatment of his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend. "You were right" he said, "it was good that my thumb was blown off." And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. "And so I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this." "No," his friend replied, "this is good!" "What do you mean, 'this is good'! How could it be good that I sent you, my good friend, to jail for all this time?" "If I had not been in jail, I would have been with you - and eaten!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

I know my company has made a big effort to be family friendly, but I was baffled when I read this holiday an- nouncement posted on the bulletin board: "All employees are invited to the annual Valentines Day party. All children under the age of ten will receive a gift. Employees who have no children may bring grandchildren."
>From Myrna Using a new painting program on my computer, I managed to come up with a very credible still life of fruit. I made a color printout and sent it to my daughter, a graphic designer. She called when it arrived. "Isn't it good?" I asked. She chuckled, and in a tone that echoed mine from years ago, replied, "Mom, it's beautiful. We put it on the refrigerator."

» Land of Hope

Today, January 31, in
1606 - Guy Fawkes was executed after being convicted for his 
 role in the "Gunpowder Plot" against the English 
 Parliament and King James I.
1747 - The first clinic specializing in the treatment of 
 venereal diseases was opened at London Dock Hospital.
1858 - The Great Eastern, the five-funnelled steamship 
 designed by Brunel, was launched at Millwall.
1865 - In America, General Robert E. Lee was named 
 general-in-chief of the Confederate armies.
1865 - The 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was passed 
 by the U.S. House of Representatives. It was ratified by the 
 necessary number of states on December 6, 1865. The amendment 
 abolished slavery in the United States.
1876 - All Native American Indians were ordered to move into 
 reservations.
1893 - The trademark "Coca-Cola" was first registered in the 
 United States Patent Office.
1917 - Germany announced its policy of unrestricted submarine 
 warfare.
1929 - The USSR exiled Leon Trotsky. He found asylum in 
 Mexico.
1930 - U.S. Navy Lt. Ralph S. Barnaby became the first glider 
 pilot to have his craft released from a Zeppelin, at 
 Lakehurst, NJ.
1940 - The first Social Security check was issued by the 
 U.S. Government.
1944 - During World War II, U.S. forces invaded Kwajalein 
 Atoll and other areas of the Japanese-held Marshall Islands.
1945 - Private Eddie Slovik became the only U.S. soldier 
 since the U.S. Civil War to be executed for desertion.
1946 - A new constitution in Yugoslavia created six 
 constituent republics (Serbia, Montenegro, Croatia, Slovenia, 
 Bosnia-Herzegovina, Macedonia) subordinated to a central 
 authority, on the model of the USSR.
1949 - The first TV daytime soap opera was broadcast from 
 NBC's station in Chicago, IL. It was "These Are My Children."
1950 - U.S. President Truman announced that he had ordered 
 development of the hydrogen bomb.
1958 - Explorer I was put into orbit around the earth. It was 
 the first U.S. earth satellite.
1971 - Astronauts Alan B. Shepard Jr., Edgar D. Mitchell and 
 Stuart A. Roosa blasted off aboard Apollo 14 on a mission 
 to the moon.
1971 - Telephone service between East and West Berlin was 
 re-established after 19 years.
1982 - Sandy Duncan gave her final performance as "Peter Pan" 
 in Los Angeles, CA. She completed 956 performances without 
 missing a show.
1983 - The wearing of seat belts in cars became compulsory 
 in Britain.
1983 - JCPenney announced plans to spend in excess of $1 B
 over the next five years to modernize stores
1985 - The final Jeep rolled off the assembly line at the 
 AMC plant in Toledo, OH.
1990 - McDonald's Corp. opened its first fast-food restaurant 
 in Moscow, Russia.
1995 - U.S. President Clinton invoked presidential emergency 
 authority to provide a $20 billion loan to Mexico to 
 stabilize its economy.
1996 - In Columbo, Sri Lanka, a truck was rammed into the 
 gates of the Central Bank. The truck filled with explosives 
 killed at least 86 and injured 1,400.
2000 - An Alaska Airlines jet crashed into the ocean off 
 Southern California. All 88 people on board were killed.
2001 - A Scottish court in the Netherlands convicted one 
 Libyan and acquitted a second in the bombing of Pan Am 
 Flight 103 over Lockerbie, Scotland, that occurred in 1988.
 Ten years later Col.Gadhafi was blamed for it.
2014  smiled.


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Recommend a printer 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, January 30.
We got a couple inches of new snow.
There was some ice hidden underneath and on tonight's walk
I bombed the sidewalk in a few places. No real damage done,
but it took the fun out of the walk.
I am going to try the Yak-tracks that a friend gave me.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to British Escort, who got taxpayer funded 32-A to 36-DD implants, now wants reduction surgery Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2002 Japan's last coal mine was closed. The closures were due to too high wages and cheap imports. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Furious activity is no substitute for understanding. --- H. H. Williams Every crowd has a silver lining. --- Phineas Taylor Barnum "Politics is a dirty business. And with Hillary Clinton announcing that she is running for president, Republicans are already digging up dirt on her. And they found out that she once slept with Bill Clinton." --- Dave Letterman
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

An elderly gentleman checked into a New York hotel. The clerk mentioned the phone service the establishment made available for calling guests who wished to rise at an early hour. "No need for that, young man," snapped the old timer. "I always wake up at five A.M. sharp - without an alarm clock." "Very good, sir," the clerk replied, then asked, "Would you mind calling me at six?"
Two friends meet in the street. The one man looked rather forlorn and down in the mouth. The other man asked, "Hey, how come you look like the whole world caved in?" The sad fellow said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me ten thousand dollars." "I'm sorry to hear about the death, but a bit of good luck for you, eh?" "Hold on, I'm just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew kicked the bucket and left me twenty thousand, free and clear." "Well, you can't be disappointed with that!" "Yep. But, last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost one hundred thousand dollars." "Incredible... so how come you look so glum?" "Well, this week...nothing!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Josie Cunningham, 23, London, England Escort, who got taxpayer funded 32-A to 36-DD implants, now wants reduction surgery reported by the Huffington Post Josie Cunningham incurred some wrath when she revealed she’d had a Ł4,800 tax payer-funded breast enlargement. Despite proudly posing topless in The Sun to show off her 36DD breasts, shortly afterwards Cunningham announced her new chest was “ruining her life” and that she intended to sue the NHS for clinical negligence and emotional distress. (NHS is England's version of Obamacare) A skin cancer scare caused Cunningham to perform yet another U-turn and now the 23-year-old single mother of two has vowed to pay for her own reduction surgery, as well as reimburse the NHS for the original implants – by working as an escort. Cunningham, who had her surgery at St James’ Hospital in Leeds a year ago, tells Closer magazine: “Escorting is a fast way to make money and I’ve discovered it’s a great job. “The only hard part is not falling for the client because some are really attractive. I enjoy sex so it’s not like it’s a chore and the free dinners are great – it’s like being paid to date. “I charge Ł450 for dinner and Ł1,000 for the night, including sex. It’s much better than scraping by on minimum wages working in a shop!” The mother-of-two had hoped to re-launch herself as the “new Katie Price” after the surgery, which was approved after she told doctors her 32A chest was “ruining her life” (there's that phrase again!) But despite claims she had been “inundated” with further offers to pose, Cunningham’s glamour modelling dreams fell flat. She said: “I thought I’d give up when I made enough money for the reduction and to pay back the NHS, but I’ve been splashing out on gifts for my family instead. “I’ve saved Ł1,000 so far (in two years since the implant surgery) and I’m having my reduction in the next few months. It won’t take me long to raise the rest I need to reimburse the NHS. So far her threat of reduction surgery seems to be just a publicity stunt to get escort clients. Tech Support Pits From: Marj Re: Recommend a printer Dear Webby, please recommend printer, copier, fax that is economical but reliable . I value your opinion and appreciate you help. Marj Dear Marj I use a DELL 13020c color laser for printing for about 6 years now. For scanning I use a twelve year old Brother 4-function printer, that stopped printing about yen years ago, but still scans just fine. For faxing I use Windows. You can fax straight out of any word processor, spreadsheet or graphics program. You hit CTRL P, select FAX as the printer, and then POPP (Print Other People's Paper) Setting up Fax on your computer is easy. Just hit F1, type FAX, and let it guide you through it. DELL now has much cheaper printers than the old 1320c, but it is still available too. Just get a color laser that is in your price range. Inkjets are cheaper to purchase, but then you really get punished with the ink. If you get a 4 function Inkjet printer free with a magazine subscription, watch out! Good Luck! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Vinegar You can save on cleaning products by using white vinegar and newspaper to clean your windows, windows come out sparkling clean. You can also use white vinegar for washing your floors, add 1/2 cup white vinegar to last rinse cycle of your wash to control static cling. Also white vinegar is good for cleaning coffeemakers, tea kettles, tea pots, coffee and tea mugs. There are so many uses for white vinegar and it is non-toxic and does many jobs much better than cleaners from the store. By Anita in Toms River, NJ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then just how serious is my condition, because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

The building contractor proudly pointed to the nearly completed residence. "Lady, this house may seem a little shaky right now, but you just wait until we put up the wallpaper."
An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. "Yes Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife!"

» Frozen in Time

Today, January 30, in
1649 England's King Charles I was beheaded.
1790 The first purpose-built lifeboat was launched on the 
 River Tyne.
1798 The first brawl in the U.S. House of Representatives 
 took place. Congressmen Matthew Lyon and Roger Griswold 
 fought on the House floor.
1847 The town of Yerba Buena was renamed San Francisco.
1862 The U.S. Navy's first ironclad warship, the 
 "Monitor", was launched.
1889 Rudolph, crown prince of Austria, and his 17-year-old 
 mistress, Baroness Marie Vetsera, were found shot in his 
 hunting lodge at Mayerling, near Vienna.
1894 C.B. King received a patent for the pneumatic hammer.
1900 The British fighting the Boers in South Africa ask 
 for a larger army.
1910 Work began on the first board-track automobile 
 speedway. The track was built in Playa del Ray, CA.
1911 The first airplane rescue at sea was made by the 
destroyer "Terry." Pilot James McCurdy was forced to land 
 in the ocean about 10 miles from Havana, Cuba.
1933 "The Lone Ranger" was heard on radio for the first 
 time. The program ran for 2,956 episodes and ended in 1955.
1933 Adolf Hitler was named the German Chancellor.
1948 Indian political and spiritual leader Mahatma Gandhi 
 was murdered by a Hindu extremist.
1958 The first two-way moving sidewalk was put in service 
 at Love Field in Dallas, TX. The length of the walkway 
 through the airport was 1,435 feet.
1964 The U.S. launched Ranger 6. The unmanned spacecraft 
 carried television cameras and was intentionally crash-landed
 on the moon. The cameras did not return any pictures to Earth.
1968 The Tet Offensive began as Communist forces launched 
 surprise attacks against South Vietnamese provincial capitals.
1972 In Northern Ireland, British soldiers shot and killed 
 thirteen Roman Catholic civil rights marchers. The day is 
 known as "Bloody Sunday."
1979 The civilian government of Iran announced it had decided 
 to allow Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini to return. He had been 
 living in exile in France sending tape recordings to Iran,
 that were instrumental in getting the Shah kicked out.
1989 The U.S. embassy in Kabul, Afghanistan was closed.
1995 The U.N. Security Council authorized the deployment of a 
 6,000-member U.N. peace-keeping contingent to assume security 
 responsibilities in Haiti from U.S. forces.
1996 Gino Gallagher, the reputed leader of the Irish National 
 Liberation Army, was shot and killed as he queued for his 
 unemployment benefit.
1997 A New Jersey judge ruled that the unborn child of a 
 female prisoner must have legal representation. He denied 
 the prisoner bail reduction to enable her to leave the 
 jail and obtain an abortion.
2002 Japan's last coal mine was closed. The closures were 
 due to too high wages and cheap imports. 
2014  smiled.


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How to get rid of Conduit malware 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, January 29.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Shahzad Iqbal, who was jailed after threatening Walmart employee with BB Gun when he couldn't return a used tablet without receipt. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1997 - America Online agreed to give refunds to frustrated customers under threat of lawsuits Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why. --- Mignon McLaughlin For every action there is an equal and opposite government program. --- Bob Wells
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence. "Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked. "I guess so," replied the farmer. The car was immediately swallowed by the puddle as the man drove in. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his car back to the surface. As his head broke the surface the man said to the farmer, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!" "Well, golly!" said the farmer, scratching his head. "It only come up chest-high on my ducks!"
Thanks to Allen for this story: I am a very nervous flyer. During a trip from California to Indiana, it didn't help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after we were aloft, I noticed the lights began flickering. I mentioned this to a flight attendant. "I'll take care of it," she said. Moments later the lights went out. Clearly she'd solved the problem by turning off the lights. A passenger across the aisle who had been listening leaned over and said, "Whatever you do, please don't tell her about the engines."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shahzad Iqbal, 41, Laurel, MD Shahzad Iqbal, who was jailed after threatening Walmart employee with Gun, when he couldn't return a used tablet without receipt reported by the Weekly Vice Shahzad Iqbal, a 41-year-old Maryland man, was jailed Monday after he allegedly threatened a Walmart employee with a BB gun when he was told he could not return an item without a receipt. (After the "Entitlement Crowd" used to march in, take items off the shelf, walk them to the Cutomer Service counter and cash them in, ahem, return them for cash, they started asking for a receipt long before they expanded to Maryland.) According to police, the mayhem started Monday at about 11 p.m. when Iqbal walked into a Laural Walmart, approached the customer service counter and attempted to "return" a used electronic tablet device. Investigators say a woman working at the customer service counter asked to see a purchase receipt, however Iqbal was unable to provide one. He then removed a pair of headphones from his head and demanded cash in return for them as well. When the employee informed Iqbal that no items could be returned without a receipt, he reportedly became angry. That's when he allegedly placed a backpack on the counter, removed what appeared to be a machine gun and pointed it at the employee. When the employee screamed, Iqbal reportedly fled the scene. He was located a short time later a short distance from the store. The gun was located in Iqbal's backpack and was later identified as a CO2 powered BB gun. He was booked into jail and charged with attempted robbery, attempted first-degree assault and possession of a controlled dangerous substance. ____________ Yeah, ya gotta watch that CO2. Dangerous stuff! It can cause Government grants! Tech Support Pits From: Wendy Re: How do you get rid of Conduit? Dear Webby Hi there. Here I come with another question and I'm thinking you could be making a mint by charging for all these questions! HA!HA! I have this horrid "Conduit Search" on my screen after downloading Firefox which I love. Switched from IE to Firefox and just love it, but can't seem to figure out how I got the "Conduit Search" and now , how to get rid of it. Have you got any suggestions? I'm open to just about anything. Went to Control Panel, Add & Remove Programs but there's nothing there resembling "Conduit Search" so no help from that avenue. Hope you're toughing out this very cold winter right across Canada. We live in Ontario and it's been bitterly cold for so long that I'm wondering if spring will ever come! Thanks for all your help, Wendy Dear Wendy It's nice and warm here. Clear sky, warm sun, +3C, and the snow around the West side of the house is gone. On the South side there are still snow drifts. Conduit is a very nasty browser hijacker. It has nothing to do with FireFox, it just hijacks it. It also hijacks other browsers. You get it when you download stuff from dubious sources like Open Candy. For example, if you are searching for a replacement for the no longer working Windows clock gadget, you might find some really cute clocks and fall in love with them. Then, when you are downloading them, there are a few "User Agreement" forms, that APPEAR harmless enough, but somewhere in the small print you agree to the Conduit search and tool bar. It won't necessarily appear right away, so that you won't know, how you got infected with it. Because you agreed to the crap, Anti-Virus programs can't do anything. Conduit burrows deep into your computer, and is not easy to remove. You can try CrapCleaner and Spybot-Search&Destroy from my tool box at http://webby.com/tools. Chances are pretty good that CrapCleaner will get rid of that crap. Run Spybot afterwards for extra cleaning. If those do not do the trick, here are some removal guides: http://botcrawl.com/how-to-remove-condu ... h-malware/ http://www.wikihow.com/Remove-Conduit-Search-Protect http://malwaretips.com/blogs/remove-con ... d-toolbar/ (scroll down past the BS) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6V83Z0YIhY This one has the instructions in a video Good Luck! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Lysine for Treating a Cold Sore Regarding cold sores, I find it much easier to take extra Lysine. One or two 1,000 mg tabs stops it in its tracks. Lysine is an amino acid and unless one has had an actual fever, most cold sores are caused from an amino acid imbalance (too much arginine - for me from nuts). I first heard about Lysine from the Parade Magazine that was carried in the St. Louis Post Dispatch back in the 1970s. The weekend that paper came out, grocery and pharmaceutical shelves were cleared of Lysine. However, it soon became available again. It is not expensive and it works. I always keep a bottle on hand. Noella Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
In the mood for joking, a vacationer strolled over to a farmer working in a field and asked, "Did you happen to see a wagonload of monkeys go by?" "Nope," replied the farmer. "Did you fall off?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

"If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart," said the newlywed bride, "breakfast will be ready." "Good, what are we having for breakfast," said the new husband. "Toast and juice," she replied.
One of the burdens of office of the small town mayor was his brother in-law, a fellow who liked to throw his or, rather, his in-law's political weight around. The mayor had instructed his policemen and other city officials to treat him just like they would any other taxpayer. The brother-in-law got a ticket for overtime parking. He immediately descended in fury on police headquarters, waving the ticket and sputtering, "Hey, do you know who I am?" The desk sergeant surveyed him calmly, picked up his phone and dialed the mayor's office. "Tell the mayor," he said to the secretary, "that his brother-in-law is down here and can't remember his name. Should we send him to the loonie bin, or just lock him up for a few days and see if his memory returns?"

» Ugly Critters

Today, January 29, in
1820 - Britain's King George III died insane at Windsor Castle.
1848 - Greenwich Mean Time was adopted by Scotland.
1850 - Henry Clay introduced in the Senate a compromise bill 
 on slavery that included the admission of California into 
 the Union as a free state.
1886 - The first successful petrol-driven motorcar, built 
 by Karl Benz, was patented.
1916 - In World War I, Paris was bombed by German zeppelins 
 for the first time.
1924 - R. Taylor patented the ice cream cone rolling machine.
1949 - "The Newport News" was commissioned as the first 
 air-conditioned naval ship in Virginia.
1963 - Britain was refused entry into the EEC.
1987 - "Physician’s Weekly" announced that the smile on 
 the face of Leonardo DeVinci's Mona Lisa was caused by a 
 "...facial paralysis resulting from a swollen nerve 
 behind the ear."
1990 - Joseph Hazelwood, the former skipper of the Exxon 
 Valdez, went on trial in Anchorage, AK, on charges that 
 stemmed from America's worst oil spill. Hazelwood was 
 later acquitted of all the major charges and was 
 convicted of a misdemeanor.
1997 - America Online agreed to give refunds to 
 frustrated customers under threat of lawsuits 
1998 - A bomb exploded at an abortion clinic in Birmingham, 
 AL, killing an off-duty policeman and severely wounding 
 a nurse. Eric Rudolph was charged with this bombing and 
 three other attacks in Atlanta.
1999 - Paris prosecutors announced the end of the 
 investigation into the accident that killed Britain's 
 ex-Princess Diana.
2001 - In Indonesia, thousands of student protesters 
 stormed the parliament property and demanded that President 
 Abdurrahman Wahid quit due to his alleged involvement in 
 two corruption scandals. Wahid announced that he would 
 not resign.
2014  smiled.


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Here is how to make filters in Gmail 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, January 28.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes for Most memorable mug shot after getting jailed for criminal impersonation Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1986 The U.S. space shuttle Challenger exploded just after takeoff. All seven of its crewmembers were killed. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. --- Phyllis Diller He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. --- Friedrich Nietzsche
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

Thanks to Connie for this story: The telemarketer did his best to convince me to renew my subscription for another year. "At this price, it's really a great bargain," he said. I'm elderly," I laughed. "I might die before the subscription ends." "No problem," he assured me. "You'll get a refund."
Thanks to Margaret for this story: Jesse Jackson got out of the shower and was drying off when he looked in the mirror and noticed he was white from the neck up to the top of his head. In sheer panic and fearing he really was turning white and might have to start working for a living, he called his doctor and told him of his problem. The doctor advised him to come to his office immediately. After an examination, the doctor mixed a concoction of brown liquid, gave it to Jesse, and told him to drink it all. Jesse did and replied, "That tasted like bull sh..!" The doctor replied, "It was, Jesse. You were a quart low."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Arena Arnold, 27, Penfield, NY Most memorable mug shot after getting jailed for criminal impersonation reported by Huff Post Investigators say Arnold was in a car crash, and tried to portray herself as a passenger when she was the driver, WHEC.com reported. Arnold was allegedly untruthful about her identity and also was intoxicated, investigators told the Victor Post. Arnold was arraigned and taken to the Monroe County Jail where she remains in lieu of $2,500 cash bail or $5,000 bond. Regardless of the outcome of the case, her bug-eyed, cross-eyed mug is one for the ages. Arnold is hamming it up in her mugshot and apparently doesn't have cross-eyes. Tech Support Pits From: Ruby Re: How do you make filters on Gmail? Dear Webby You have mentioned lots of times to make filters on Gmail, but the issue where you told us how to do that, must have been censored by the ś@#$%&!! at Verizon. They are getting to be a real nuisance. So I need to know the tricks for customizing Gmail to my needs. Thanks Sweetie! Ruby (jewelry please, not lips!) Dear Ruby In Gmail look for the cutesy little gear at the top right corner. Click that Select Settings In there near the top you see a long line of topics. Usually the 5th from the left is "Filters". They are "Alternate Lifestyle" type links without underline. Click "Filters". Scroll all the way to the bottom. There you see another one of those lukewarm links, called "Create a new filter". That gets you to a form, where you can create a filter. It looks confusing, but is probably quite clear to the people at Google. What they mean is you can put in what to look for in the FROM line, or the TO line or the Subject line or the Body. Don't put stuff into more than one field. Their filters are not as robust as the ones in MailWasher. Just fill one field, for example put humor@webby.com into the FROM field. DON'T click on the magnifying glass at the left bottom to test, unless you want to start all over. They klutz3ed up the return from test. So don't do a test unless you really doubt your ability to enter valid criteria. Instead click on CREATE FILTER In the next screen you have all kinds of options for what to do with caught stuff. For example put a checkmark into "Never send it to Spam" and into "Apply the label" and pull that down to the letter H You can even make new labels there. Thenn, down near the bottom is a checkbox "Also apply filter to matching conversations." Check that one. Then hit CREATE FILTER In there the test works without messing up, and from now on that filter will protect your Humor Letter from getting tossed into the Spam, if I am thundering about certain Malware. You can just as easily make filters to nuke unwanted stuff. Theoretically they were going to make it so that it learns about what people deliberately toss into Spam, but that does not work yet. You have to make filters. After the first one it is quite easy. Just don't click on the TEST button. Gmail has VERY good spam filtering, but sometimes their well intentiond efforts go a bit too far and you need filters more to protect legitimate mail than to dump bad stuff. For fine tuning the results I use MailWasher. There you can use "but not if" and similar rules. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ice for Treating a Cold Sore When you first start to feel the uncomfortable tingle start applying ice to the infected area on and off till the cube has melted. Afterward pat dry. Make a mixture out of extra virgin coconut oil about 1 tbs, and tea tree oil (3-4 drops). Heat the coconut oil in a small bottle by submerging it with a lid on it in warm water, then add the tea tree oil shake to mix. Use ice, then mixture 3-5× daily. It should not get any bigger and heal in 2-4 days in my experience. It is best if the mixture is applied with a Q-tip. By mrs.emmert Aloe Vera works well too. I cut or puncture a capsule and squeeze a drop onto the starting cold sore, and repeat that half a day later, if necessary. If not, I eat the cut capsule. Like honey, Aloe Vera does not go bad, but cut capsules littering the medicine shelf are a nuisance. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Laura is driving down the highway with her hand stuck out the window and waving in every direction. The police officer that is following behind her finally has had enough and hits the lights and signals Laura to pull over. "First you put your hand up, like you're turning right, then you wave your hand up and down, then you turn left," said the officer. "I decided not to turn right," Laura explains. "Then why the up and down?" asks the officer. "Officer," Laura sniffs, "I was erasing!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

How many gears in a French tank? Sixteen, fifteen reverse, and one forward in case they are attacked from behind.
>From Chris Dear Webby, can you please bring the "Dogfood Diet" again? Sure! DOGFOOD DIET I have a Labrador Retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog (?) On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned. I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a truck hit me. I thought the tall guy was going to need help as he roared with laughter staggering to the door and fresh air.

» Black Top Art

Today, January 28, in
1521 The Diet of Worms began, at which Protestant reformer 
 Luther was declared an outlaw by the Roman Catholic church.
 Diets have had a bad name ever since.
1547 England's King Henry VIII died. He was succeeded by 
 his 9 year-old son, Edward VI.
1788 The first British penal settlement was founded at 
 Botany Bay.
1807 London's Pall Mall became the first street lit 
 by gaslight.
1871 France surrendered in the Franco-Prussian War.
1878 The first telephone switchboard was installed 
 in New Haven, CT.
1909 The United States ended direct control over Cuba.
1915 The Coast Guard was created to fight contraband trade
1918 The Bolsheviks occupied Helsinki, Finland.
1935 Iceland became the first country to introduce 
 legalized abortion.
1938 The first US ski tow started operation in Vermont.
1945 During World War II, Allied supplies began reaching 
 China over the newly reopened Burma Road.
1958 Construction began on first private thorium-uranium 
 nuclear reactor.
1965 General Motors reported the biggest profit of any 
 U.S. company in history.
1980 Six Americans who had fled the U.S. embassy in Tehran, 
 Iran, on November 4, 1979, left Iran using false Canadian 
 diplomatic passports. The Americans had been hidden at 
 the Canadian embassy in Tehran.
1982 Italian anti-terrorism forces rescued U.S. Brigadier 
 General James L. Dozier 42 days after he had been kidnapped 
 by the Red Brigades.
1986 The U.S. space shuttle Challenger exploded just after 
 takeoff. All seven of its crewmembers were killed.
1999 Ford Motor Company announced the purchase of Sweden's 
 Volvo AB for $6.45 billion.
2014  smiled.


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Lost Excel data 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, January 27.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a bonehead who was jailed after stealing 480 ton ferry. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2003 Altria Group, Inc. became the name of the parent company of Kraft Foods, Philip Morris USA, Philip Morris International and Philip Morris Capital Corporation. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
All movements go too far. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

>From Bev One evening while I was preparing dinner, my daughter came into the kitchen asking for homework help on her vocabulary words. "Mom," she asked, "what's a quarter horse?" As I thought of a simple explanation, my five-year-old son piped up, "It's the one they have in front of the grocery store."
Here is a Classic: A thief in Paris planned to steal some Paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, 'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.' I had no Monet To buy Degas To make the Van Gogh.' Do you have De Gaulle to tell this to someone else? Hey, you have nothing Toulouse .
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture of one of her Calla Lilies: Click on the picture for the large version In our yard today. This is the medium size flower. The big kind gets over 6 feet tall,with flowers to match. We live on the Central Coast of California. ~~ Lillemor
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Samuel McDonough, 33, Preston, Washington Jailed after stealing 480 ton ferry reported by Huff Post A man who told police he took the Victoria Clipper ferry from its Seattle waterfront berth as a birthday present to himself has been sentenced to nearly 2 ˝ years in prison. Samuel McDonough of Preston was able to break the ferry away from the dock on Dec. 1 but didn't know how to operate the vessel, which was spotted drifting in Elliott Bay. The 33-year-old was eventually arrested. McDonough was sentenced Friday. He earlier pleaded guilty to burglary and theft charges. He also told police he was a "pirate" and said he wanted to go to Victoria, British Columbia. In charging papers, prosecutors say McDonough took the $8 million, 480-ton boat after climbing through a hole in a fence and using keys he found in the boat's pilot house. Tech Support Pits From: Ken Re: Lost Excel data I took your suggestion and downloaded crap cleaner. To my chagrin it seems to have have cleaned out all my addresses I had in Microsoft Excel. Any suggestions on how/where to recover them if it is even possible? Thanks. Ken Dear Ken I have never heard of CrapCleaner messing with Excel files. I use it all the time and have Excel files all over the place. It has never touched them. If your Excel file was in the recycle Bin, then it is gone, because one of the first things CrapCleaner does, is dump the Recycle Bin to give you some elbow room. If you "hid" it in the Recycle Bin, chances of recovery are slim. You can try the Undeleter Possibly you had more than one shortcut going to that Excel file. If you did, depending on your settings, it could have deleted the redundant ones. Look for older shortcuts, or search for *.xls with the Search in the START button. Once you find it again, make a new desktop shortcut to it. CrapCleaner most definitely does not reach into Excel files and delete anything inside them. If you have the file, just not the addresses, check the tabs at the bottom. Are you on Sheet 1? If the cat tabbed it to Sheet 5, it would look like the addresses have been cleaned out. I often use tabs further back as a scratch pad, but delete my calculations after pasting the result into an email or invoice. It HAS happened to me that I opened a spreadsheet and not realized, that I was not on Sheet 1 and was momentarily quite worried. Once I checked the tabs and clicked onto Sheet 1, everything was there. I HAVE called myself names over that issue! Check that first. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Liquid Soap in Purse Often when we need hand soap in a public place; none is available. An empty pill bottle is easy to carry with liquid soap in your pocket or purse. No spills or mess. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The missionary asked the cannibal chief, "Do you people know anything about Christian religion?" After a pause, the chief answered, "We got a little taste of it when the last missionary was here."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Two men were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freight vessel. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth! This particular genie, however, stated that she could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" Immediately the genie clapped her hands with a deafening crash, and the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished to her freedom. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. The other man looked disgustedly at the one whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going! Now we're going to have to pee into the boat."
Thanks to Martin for this story: A woman named Jill stood up at her church's Testimony Meeting, or as some churches call it, "Cry Sunday," one Sunday morning. She took the microphone from one of the church ushers and bared her soul to the enrapt congregation: "I want to tell you about the awful accident that my husband, Jim, has suffered this past month. He was riding his bike, lost control, ran off the highway and hit a tree. He was rushed to the hospital, and could have died, but thank the Lord, all he suffered was a broken scrotum." The congregation gasped in horror. The men in the congregation were obviously uneasy and writhed in their seats. "Jim has been in terrible pain all month since the accident. He has trouble breathing. He has trouble swallowing his food. He can hardly lift anything, he's in so much pain, and he has missed work because of it. "He can't lift our children up to hold them and give them the personal love that they need. Worst of all, we can no longer cuddle and have intimate relations. He is in constant pain, a pain so terrible that our love life has all but slipped away into oblivion. I would like to ask you all in the congregation to pray for Jim, and pray for us, that his broken scrotum will soon heal and be as good as new." A dull murmur erupted within the congregation as the full impact of this terrible accident sunk in and the men in the congregation were visibly shaken. Then, as the murmuring settled down, a lone figure stood up in midst of the congregation, worked his way up to the pulpit, obviously in pain, adjusted the microphone to his liking, then said to the congregation: "I'm Jim and I have only one word to say: The word is STERNUM."

» Lifestyle

Today, January 27, in
1606 The trial of Guy Fawkes and his fellow conspirators began. 
 They were executed on January 31.
1880 Thomas Edison patented the electric incandescent lamp.
1900 In China, foreign diplomats in Peking, fearing a revolt, 
 demanded that the imperial government discipline the Boxer 
 rebels.
1926 John Baird, a Scottish inventor, demonstrated a pictorial 
 transmission machine called television.
1943 During World War II, the first all American air raid 
 against Germany took place when about 50 bombers attacked 
 Wilhlemshaven.
1944 The Soviet Union announced that the two year German 
 siege of Leningrad had come to an end.
1945 Soviet troops liberated the Nazi concentration camps 
 Auschwitz and Birkenau in Poland.
1948 Wire Recording Corporation of America announced the 
 first magnetic tape recorder. The ‘Wireway’ machine with 
 a built-in oscillator sold for $149.50.
1951 In the U.S., atomic testing in the Nevada desert began 
 as an Air Force plane dropped a one-kiloton bomb on 
 Frenchman Flats.
1967 At Cape Kennedy, FL, astronauts Virgil I. "Gus" Grissom, 
 Edward H. White and Roger B. Chaffee died in a flash fire 
 during a test aboard their Apollo I spacecraft.
1973 The Vietnam peace accords were signed in Paris.
1977 The Vatican reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's ban 
 on female priests.
1981 U.S. President Reagan greeted the 52 former American 
 hostages released by Iran at the White House.
1984 Wayne Gretzky set a National Hockey League (NHL) record 
 for consecutive game scoring. He ended the streak at 51 games.
1985 The Coca-Cola Company, of Atlanta, GA, announced a plan 
 to sell its soft drinks in the Soviet Union.
1992 Former world boxing champion Mike Tyson went on trial for 
 allegedly raping an 18-year-old contestant in the 1991 Miss 
 Black America Contest.
1997 It was revealed that French national museums were 
 holding nearly 2,000 works of art confiscated from Jews 
 by the Nazis during World War II.
1998 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton appeared on NBC's 
 "Today" show. She charged that the allegations against her 
 husband were the work of a "vast right-wing conspiracy."
1999 The U.S. Senate blocked dismissal of the impeachment 
 case against President Clinton and voted for new testimony 
 from Monica Lewinsky and two other witnesses.
2002 A series of explosions occurred at a military dump in 
 Lagos, Nigeria. More than 1,000 people were killed in the 
 blast and in the attempt to escape.
2003 Altria Group, Inc. became the name of the parent company 
 of Kraft Foods, Philip Morris USA, Philip Morris International 
 and Philip Morris Capital Corporation.
2010 Steve Jobs unveiled the Apple iPad.
2014  smiled.


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Printing in Black 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, January 26.
Back in the saddle again!

Aileen from PayPal wrote about Betty's problem:

Hi! My name is Aileen from PayPal Customer Support. 
I'll definitely help you with the website payment inquiry.

I checked your site and the payment or checkout process 
was smooth. If the drop down menu for the state does not 
show up, rest assured it has nothing to do with your site. 
It's a browser issue, I suggest to contact the client 
and advice her to clear the browsing history, cache and 
cookies and try it again.

In case you need further assistance, please let us know. 
You can also reach us at 1-877-569-1116 during these 
hours:
4:00 AM PT to 10:00 PM PT, Monday–Friday
6:00 AM PT to 8:00 PM PT, Saturday and Sunday

I'm glad I was able to resolve your concern and assisted 
an important customer like you. Thank you for choosing 
PayPal for your online payments. Take care and have a 
wonderful day!
Sincerely,
Aileen
PayPal Consumer Support


Isn't it nice to get prompt and friendly customer service?
I have used PayPal for about 15 years and never had a 
problem with them.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Freeland, Pa. crook, who was jailed after posting his WANTED poster on his Facebook page. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2009 - The Icelandic government and banking system collapsed. Prime Minister Geir Haarde resigned. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. --- Robert Frost
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

>From sexysassysatin Lab Report: Our lab results confirm that the red ring around your penis was not cancer. It was lipstick. We are sincerely sorry for the diagnostic error. We apologize for the amputation and regret any inconvenience this might have caused. Your Obamacare Surgeon
>From Dianne This happened to an Englishman in France who was totally drunk. The French policeman stops his car and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking. With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception and quite a few glasses of single malt there after. Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to alcotest (breath test) him and asks the Englishman if he knows under French Law why he has just been arrested. The Englishman answers With humour: "No! Do you know that this is a British car and that my wife is the driver... on the other side???
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version One of our Camelias has started to bloom.It should really be a 'showcase' soon with all those buds. ~~ Lillemor
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jim Lescowitch Jr., 35, FREELAND, Pa. Jailed after posting his WANTED poster on his Facebook page reported by Mail Online He has evaded police since November, but Anthony James Lescowitch Jr. was finally nabbed yesterday - after sharing a wanted picture of himself on his own Facebook page. Freeland Police Department hunted Lescowitch for two months over allegations he assaulted a man in July last year, before posting the wanted bulletin on their Facebook about 9.20pm yesterday. When the Pennsylvania man unwittingly shared the bulletin on his own page about three minutes later, undercover cops baited him. Police arrest Jim Lescowitch Jr., 35, less than two hours after he shared a wanted photo of himself on Facebook and taunted police for not being able to find him Lescowitch was one one of four men charged by police over the July 14 assault of a man on Ridge St. Court papers filed against Lescowitch on November 27 said he was wanted for hitting the victim in the head. Police said the victim fell to the street, was knocked out and robbed while incapacitated. According to court papers, Lescowitch, who was also wanted by Luzerne County Adult Probation, was arraigned. Lescowitch had reportedly been incarcerated about 15 times, the first time for stealing computers when he was 18. He is now 35. Posing as an attractive woman, one of the investigating officers, T.J. Rentschler, began chatting online with Lescowitch about his wanted picture. Over about 30 minutes, the 'woman' was able to gather key information about Lescowitch which led to his arrest. The undercover cop invited Lescowitch to meet for a drink. When the fugitive declined, the cop said: 'The least you can do is come out and have a cigarette with me.' Lescowitch agreed and when he pulled up in a car at the specified location, cops arrested him. Tech Support Pits From: Sir Squirrel Re: Printing in Black I have a problem I have not seen you address as yet. As we both know when typing a letter with the computer and include your e-mail address, your printer is going to print the e-mail address in blue. Until after the 3rd of Feb. I'm stuck with an empty color ink cartridge. SO! My question is, how can I make the printer print out the e-mail address in black? Sir Squirrel Dear Sir Squirrel Just set your printer to print in Black/White instead of color. You can usually do that in File, PageSetup, where you tell it whether to print in Portrait or Landscape. Most printers have a checkbox there for selecting color or Black. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Loose Leaf Paper In Your Printer Here is a great tip that I came up with out of "desperation": I love to peruse craft websites and print out free directions for ones I want to do later. Well, one day I went to print out a couple and found I was out of printer paper. Bummer! But, I found that loose leaf paper worked just as well, plus it has the holes, so now I can put my collection in a 3 ring binder! Now I always print my crafts and recipes on loose leaf paper, cheap and handy! :) By Carol from Landisville, PA On cheap inkjet printers that is quite OK, but I would not advise it on color laser printers. You can get "copy" paper at Costco for $30 a case (5000 sheets) or under $20 for half a case. Loose leaf is much more expensive. Keep in mind, though, that once you have a case, relatives and friends will want to borrow reams (250 packs) of paper. Set a price and write it onto the case, for example $2 / ream. They will still come and get paper from you, but at least your paper will be paid for. (Your actual cost is about $1.50 per 250 sheet ream, if you buy a $30 case.) What is called "Copy" paper is fine for inkjet and laser and normal correspondence. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Ed My wife and I were stopped by a state policeman. He started to write up a speeding ticket. My wife, who is a hairstylist, said, "If you let us off with a warning, I'll give you free haircuts for a year." The policeman removed his hat. He was completely bald.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

“Look at this mess!” roared an angry customer at a local cafe, pointing to his squashed doughnut. “It’s just as you ordered it, sir,” the waitress replied meekly. "You told me to bring you coffee and a doughnut and step on it. So I did.”
As I pulled into the parking lot at the grocery store, I noticed a car with its headlights on. I jotted down the make, color and license number. Inside the store I joined the line at the information desk, and when it was my turn, I told the clerk that there was a green Ford in the parking lot that had its lights on and gave her the license number. "Thank you," she replied, and went on to another customer. The gentleman next to me asked her indignantly, "Aren't you going to announce it?" "There's no need," she replied sheepishly. "That's my car."

» 1947 Ford Truck

Today, January 26, in
1500 - Vicente Yáńez Pinzón discovered Brazil.
1736 - Stanislaus I formally abdicated as King of Poland.
1784 - In a letter to his daughter, Benjamin Franklin 
 expressed unhappiness over the eagle as the symbol of 
 America. He wanted the symbol to be the turkey.
1788 - The first European settlers in Australia, led by 
 Captain Arthur Phillip, landed in what became known as 
 Sydney. The group had first settled at Botany Bay eight 
 days before. This day is celebrated as Australia Day.
1827 - Peru seceded from Colombia in protest against 
 Simón Bolívar's alleged tyranny.
1841 - Britain formally occupied Hong Kong, which the 
 Chinese had ceded to the British.
1861 - In the U.S., Louisiana seceded from the Union.
1870 - The state of Virgina rejoined the Union.
1875 - George F. Green patented the electric dental drill 
 for sawing, filing, dressing and polishing teeth.
1905 - The Cullinan diamond, at 3,106.75 carats, was found 
 by Captain Wells at the Premier Mine, near Pretoria
1911 - Inventor Glenn H. Curtiss flew the first successful 
 seaplane.
1939 - In the Spanish Civil War, Franco's forces, with 
 Italian aid, took Barcelona.
1942 - The first American expeditionary force to go to 
 Europe during World War II went ashore in Northern Ireland.
1950 - India officially proclaimed itself a republic as 
 Rajendra Prasad took the oath of office as president.
1950 - The American Associated Insurance Companies, of  St. 
 Louis, MO, issued the first baby sitter’s insurance policy.
1962 - The U.S. launched Ranger 3 to land scientific 
 instruments on the moon. The probe missed its target 
 by about 22,000 miles.
1965 - Hindi was made the official language of India.
1969 - California was declared a disaster area two days 
 of flooding and mudslides.
1972 - In Hermsdorf, Czechoslovakia, a JAT Yugoslav Airlines
 flight crashed after the detonation of a bomb in the forward 
 cargo hold killing 27 people. The bomb was believed to have 
 been placed on the plane by a Croatian extremist group. 
 Vesna Vulovic, a stewardess, survived after falling 33,000 
 feet in the tail section. She broke both legs and became 
 paralyzed from the waist down.
1992 - Russian president Boris Yeltsin announced that his 
 country would stop targeting U.S. cities with nuclear weapons.
1993 - Former Czechoslovak President Vaclav Havel was elected 
 president of the new Czech Republic.
1994 - In Sydney, Australia, a young man lunged at and fired 
 two blank shots at Britain's Prince Charles.
1996 - U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton testified 
 before a grand jury concerning the Whitewater probe.
1998 - U.S. President Clinton denied having an affair with 
 a former White House intern, saying "I did not have 
 sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky."
1999 - Saddam Hussein vowed revenge against the U.S. in 
 response to air-strikes that reportedly killed civilians. 
 The strikes were U.S. planes cratering areas with 
 anti-aircraft guns.
1999 - Gary Busey was released from jail after being arrested 
 the night before for investigation of misdemeanor spousal 
 abuse. Tiana Busey had no visible injuries.
2001 - Near Ciudad Boliva, Venezuela, twenty four people 
 were killed when a 50-year-old DC-3 crashed.
2009 - The first trial at the International Criminal Court 
 was held. Former Union of Congolese Patriots leader Thomas 
 Lubanga was accused of training child soldiers to kill, 
 pillage, and rape.
2009 - The Icelandic government and banking system collapsed. 
 Prime Minister Geir Haarde resigned.
2010 - It was announced that James Cameron's movie "Avatar" 
 had become the highest-grossing film worldwide. 
2014  smiled.


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One subscriber's PayPal problem 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, January 22.

Today I have to go for injections into my eyeballs again.
There will be no Humor Letters in Thursday, Friday or
Saturday.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to A teacher who blew her carreer away Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2003 - It was reported that scientists in China had found fossilized remains of a dinosaur with four feathered wings. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) Instead of worrying about what people say of you, why not spend time trying to accomplish something they will admire." --- Dale Carnegie
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

>From Anna One Sunday sermon... "Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust..." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"
My sister Tammy went through knee surgery a few weeks ago. I called her to see how she was doing. My nephew Bryan answered the phone. "Hello?" he whispered. "Hey, B, how's your mama?" "She's sleeping," he whispered again. "She go back to the doctor for a checkup?" "Yeah. She got some medicine," he said softly. "She's doing ok." "All right. Don't wake her up. Just tell her I called. What are you doing, by the way?" Again, softly, "Practicing on my drums."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nicole Winberry, 28, Oceola, Arkansas Jailed for having sex with multiple students reported by the Huffington Post Nicole Winberry, a 28-year-old math teacher at Osceola High School, was jailed Thursday after she allegedly had sex with three students. According to Arkansas State Police, an investigation was launched after the Arkansas Child Abuse Hotline received a tip alleging that Winberry had engaged in sexual activities with at least one student. Since then, three male students, two 17-year-olds and one 18-year-old, have come forward to say they were sexually assaulted by Winberry. Investigators say Winberry was charged with four counts of sexual assault because she allegedly assaulted one of the students on two occasions. Before placing a call to the Child Abuse Hotline, school officials reportedly investigated the allegations and found evidence they say backed up the students' claims. One major source of information the school used to report the alleged abuse came from chat messages found on at least one student's phone. Winberry, who has been married for 10 years and has 5-year-old twin boys, resigned from her position on Friday. She was booked into jail and charged with four counts of first-degree sexual assault. Her bond has been set at $15,000. Her arraignment hearing has been set for January 31. -------- I can't understand why these boneheaded bimbos keep picking on gossippy students, and then annoying them with one night stands. Teachers sure used to have more class! Tech Support Pits From: Betty Re: PayPal Problem Forwarded from Ophelia I have tried http://webby.com/humor and it is still the same way. So maybe someone can get this taken care of so I can send money this way. I have not seen a post office in this Walmart and the post office is a bit far away. I do not have the correct postage so I can not send it. All I have is stamps. I have sent money to both of you through the Internet before and I am sure other people are having this same problem. In fact I sent it just a little while ago when Wendy needed the money. And it worked fine then. Betty Dear Betty I wrote to Dianne and asked her to try. She sent me a dollar to test. No problem at all. [4:43:39 PM] D.A. Funk: tell her to be patient and go slowly... when I first started I wrote everything down in LARGE LETTERS for ez reading rather than trying to squint at credit card The part where you enter your PayPal address or your Credit Card info is handled by PayPal. We just get you TO that page. Their part is used by Millions of people every day. You can try calling PayPal 1-877-569-1116 or 1-402-935-2050 I am sure they will be interested in finding out why it does not work from your village. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vinegar for Wallpaper Removal I decided to finally re-do the kid's bathroom after finding a great bargain at a yard sale for a bathroom set. The bathroom had really ugly wallpaper and border on the wall. It was stuck on there good and tight - 2 layers in fact! I filled a spray bottle (new one from Dollar Tree) with an equal mix of water and white vinegar. I sprayed the wall paper and used a pan scraper and started peeling. It took the paper off quickly and without much work. I thought I would share this as a safe, environmentally friendly and, best of all, super cheap - less then $1 for a large bottle of vinegar. I was able to do the entire bathroom for less then $1! By Betsy from Hernando, MS By Betsy Butler Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
During the weeks before Jill's wedding, she was terribly anxious about making some mistakes at the ceremony. The minister reassured her several times, pointing out that the service was not difficult and she will do just fine. "All you have to remember," he said, "is that when you enter the church you walk up the AISLE. The groom and best man will be waiting before the ALTAR. Then I shall request the congregation to sing a HYMN....then we shall get on with the ceremony. All you have to remember is the order in which those things happen and you can't go wrong." The happy day finally arrived, and the bridegroom waited nervously for his bride to appear. When she arrived and stood alongside him, he heard her quietly repeating to herself, "Aisle, altar, hymn, aisle, altar, hymn." Or, as it sounded to him, "I'll alter him!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Marketing 101 . . . Revised People often ask for an explanation of "Marketing." Well, here it is: You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising. You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Telemarketing. You see a guy at a party, you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I," and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations. You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, I hear you're fantastic in bed," That's Brand Recognition. You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend. That's a Sales Rep. Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. That's Tech Support. You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" . That's spam. You see two great looking brothers at a party. You decide to take them both home. That's a 2 for 1 sale. You are at a party, this well-built man walks up to you and gropes your breast and grabs your bottom. That's Arnold Schwarzenegger. You like it, but 15 years later your attorney decides you were offended and files suit. That's America.
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Wow doc, exactly what's my problem?" The doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."

» Workers Fail

Today, January 22, in
1666 - Shah Jahan, a descendant of Genghis Khan and Timur, 
 died at the age of 74. He was the Mongul emperor of India 
 that built the Taj Mahal as a mausoleum for his wife 
 Mumtaz-i-Mahal.
1771 - The Falkland Islands were ceded to Britain by Spain.
1824 - The Asante army crushed British troops in the Gold Coast.
1879 - British troops were massacred by the Zulus at Isandhlwana.
1889 - The Columbia Phonograph Company was formed in 
 Washington, DC.
1900 - Off of South Africa, the British released the German steamer 
 Herzog, which had been seized on January 6.
1901 - Queen Victoria of England died after reigning for nearly 
 64 years. Edward VII, her son, succeeded her.
1905 - Insurgent workers were fired on in St Petersburg, Russia, 
 resulting in "Bloody Sunday." 500 people were killed.
1917 - U.S. President Wilson pleaded for an end to war in 
 Europe, calling for "peace without victory." America entered 
 the war the following April.
1941 - Britain captured Tobruk from German forces.
1944 - Allied forces began landing at Anzio, Italy, during WWII.
1951 - Fidel Castro was ejected from a Winter League baseball 
 game after hitting a batter. He later gave up baseball for 
 politics.
1957 - Suspected "Mad Bomber" was arrested in Waterbury, CT. 
 George P. Metesky was accused of planting more than 30 
 explosive devices in the New York City area.
1957 - The Israeli army withdrew from the Sinai. They had 
 invaded Egypt on October 29, 1956.
1962 - Cuba's membership in the Organization of American 
 States (OAS) was suspended.
1970 - The first regularly scheduled commercial flight of 
 the Boeing 747 began in New York City and ended in London 
 about 6 1/2 hours later.
1972 - The United Kingdom, the Irish Republic, and Denmark 
 joined the EEC.
1973 - Joe Frazier lost the first fight of his professional 
 career to George Foreman. He been the undefeated heavyweight 
 world champion since February 16, 1970 when he knocked out 
 Jimmy Ellis.
1973 - The U.S. Supreme Court struck down state laws that 
 had been restricting abortions during the first six months 
 of pregnancy. The case (Roe vs. Wade) legalized abortion.
1984 - Apple introduced the Macintosh during the third 
 quarter of Super Bowl XVIII.
1995 - Two Palestinian suicide bombers from Gaza detonated 
 powerful explosives at a military transit point in central 
 Israel, killing 19 Israelis.
1998 - Theodore Kaczynski pled guilty to federal charges 
 for his role as the Unabomber. He agreed to life in prison 
 without parole.
2002 - Amazon.com announced that it had posted its first net 
 profit in the fourth quarter (quarter ending Dec 31, 2001).
2002 - AOL Time Warner filed suit against Microsoft in 
 federal court seeking damages for harm done to AOL's 
 Netscape Internet Browser when Microsoft began giving 
 away its competing browser.
2002 - Kmart Corp. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy making 
 it the largest retailer in history to seek legal protection 
 from its creditors.
2003 - It was reported that scientists in China had found 
 fossilized remains of a dinosaur with four feathered wings. 
2014  smiled.


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Picture location 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, January 21.

Tomorrow I have to go for injections into my eyeballs again.
You will get the Wednesday issue, but no Thursday, Friday or
Saturday.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Wannabe gunslinger, who takes a taser prong to the eyeball at One Eyed Jack's bar Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2003 It was announced by the U.S. Census Bureau that estimates showed that the Hispanic population had passed the black population for the first time. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way. --- John Tudor Journalism largely consists of saying 'Lord Jones is Dead' to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive. --- G. K. Chesterton (1874 - 1936) All we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about. --- Charles Kingsley
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

"The young army doctor was stationed at a remote dispensary in the South Pacific. One day he was puzzled about treatment for one of his patients. He radioed a base hospital: 'Have case of beriberi. What shall I do?' A prankster got hold of the message. This was the reply: 'Give it to the Marines. They'll drink anything.' --------- Beriberi used to be the name for Vitamin C deficinecy. The cure, of course, was a lemon a day, or a lime for British soldiers. Limes were much cheaper in those days. They didn't really help much, though. That is how the English got tagged as 'Limeys".
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six ."
Thanks to Lillemor for sedning this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Gorge in Norway
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Travis James Rodriguez, 22, Orlando, Floriduh Wannabe gunslinger takes taser prong to the eyeball at One Eyed Jack's bar reported by the Huffington Post One Eyed Jack's has a new mascot. When Travis James Rodriguez, 22, allegedly refused to put down his Glock pistol outside a popular Orlando bar last month, cops took him down -- with an electric shock from a Taser to his eye. The police report released last week states that Rodriguez pulled the pistol out of his waistband on Dec. 8 and held it up, according to the Orlando Sentinel. When an officer deployed his Taser, Rodriguez turned, and received 50,000 volts to the right eyeball and the left side of his face. Rodriguez's mugshot, pictured above, is from a previous arrest and doesn't show the damage done to his eye, the paper reports. "Rodriguez had removed the gun from his waistband and was holding it up at chest level, parallel to his body," Officer Jason Portilla wrote in the report. "As a result of Rodriguez turning his body…one of the Taser prongs struck Rodriguez in the right eye. The other Taser prong struck …his left side." The suspect was admitted to a nearby hospital for an undisclosed amount of time, the Daily Mail reports. It's unclear what led to the scuffle with police. He was charged with carrying a concealed firearm and resisting arrest. Rodriguez reportedly gave a false address and couldn't be reached on Friday, so police revealed his information in an attempt to track him down. Tech Support Pits From: Dan Re: Picture location Dear Webby do you know where todays picture was taken? reminds me of utah. dan Dear Dan In Utah the rock would be more reddish. I am not 100% sure, but it looks like one of the holes up in the mountain SouthEast of Organpipe Park in Arizona. Don't go too far South from there. That area has been given up by the border patrol. Nothing but dope and human smugglers there. They hunt with drones there. However, South of Organpipe Park the scenery becomes rather boring anyway. For that hole and a couple similar ones, go up the dirt road to the East of Organpipe Park. Very rough and VERY exciting scenery up there. The cacti up there bloom at the end of April, and there are LOTS of them! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Peanut Butter Banana Sushi Make your kids a fun and healthy sushi snack. They can even join in on the fun while making it! Ingredients 1 banana 1 tortilla 2 Tbsp. peanut butter 1 Tbsp. honey 1 Tbsp. raisins 1/4 tsp. cinnamon Instructions: Spread the tortilla with peanut butter and drizzle with half tablespoon of honey. Then place the peeled banana at one edge and roll up the the tortilla around the banana. Trim off any extra tortilla. Drizzle the top of the tortilla with half tablespoon of honey and sprinkle with cinnamon. Using a sharp knife cut into 1 inch pieces and top each one with a raisin. Approximate Time: 5-10 minutes By Domestic Charm Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said, "You know, 80 percent of all men think the best way to end a fight is to make love." "Well," said the other, "that would certainly revolutionize hockey!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Thanks to Liz for this story: I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!" The driver of a nearby car gave me a startled look. "I don't know about you, lady," he said incredulously. "But I usually just put my car in park."
BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?"

» One Hit Wonders

Today, January 21, in
1789 W.H. Brown's "Power of Sympathy" was published. It was 
 the first American novel to be published.
1793 During the French Revolution, King Louis XVI was 
 executed on the guillotine.
1812 The Y-bridge in Zanesville, OH, was approved for 
 construction.
1846 The first issue of the "Daily News," edited by 
 Charles Dickens, was published.
1853 Dr. Russell L. Hawes patented the envelope 
 folding machine.
1865 An oil well was drilled by torpedoes for the first time.
1900 Canadian troops set sail to fight in South Africa. The 
 Boers had attacked Ladysmith on January 8, 1900.
1911 The first Monte Carlo car rally was held. Seven days 
 later it was won by Henri Rougier.
1915 The first Kiwanis club was formed in Detroit, MI.
1924 Soviet leader Vladimir Llyich Lenin died. Joseph Stalin 
 began a purge of his rivals for the leadership of the 
 Soviet Union.
1927 The first opera broadcast over a national radio network 
 was presented in Chicago, IL. The opera was "Faust".
1941 The British communist newspaper, the "Daily Worker," was 
 banned due to wartime restrictions.
1954 The Nautilus was launched in Groton, CT. It was the 
 first atomic-powered submarine. U.S. First Lady Mamie 
 Eisenhower broke the traditional bottle of champagne 
 across the bow.
1954 The gas turbine automobile was introduced in 
 New York City.
1970 The Boeing 747 made its first commercial flight from 
 New York to London for Pan American.
1976 The French Concorde SST aircraft began regular commercial 
 service for Air France and British Airways.
1977 U.S. President Carter pardoned almost all Vietnam War 
 draft evaders.
1980 Gold was valued at $850 an ounce.
1994 A jury in Manassas, VA, acquitted Lorena Bobbitt by 
 reason of temporary insanity of maliciously wounding 
 (severing his penis) her husband John. She accused him 
 of sexually assaulting her.
1997 Newt Gingrich was fined as the U.S. House of 
 Representatvies voted for first time in history to discipline 
 its leader for ethical misconduct.
1998 A former White House intern said on tape that she had an 
 affair with U.S. President Clinton.
1999 The U.S. Coast Guard intercepted a ship headed for Houston, TX, 
 that had over 9,500 pounds of cocaine aboard. 
2002 In Goma, Congo, about fifty people were killed when lava 
 flow ignited a gas station. The people killed were trying to 
 steal fuel from elevated tanks. The eruption of Mount 
 Nyiragongo began on January 17, 2002.
2002 In London, a 17th century book by Capt. John Smith, founder 
 of the English settlement at Jamestown, was sold at auction for 
 $48,800. "The General History of Virginia, New England and the 
 Summer Isles" was published in 1632.
2003 It was announced by the U.S. Census Bureau that estimates showed 
 that the Hispanic population had passed the black population for the 
 first time.
2014  smiled.


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Why use a wacky subject line? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, January 20.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Man in Texas got jailed for stabbing girlfriend after she got him a pizza instead of a chicken sandwich Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1952 - In Juarez, Mexico, Patricia McCormick debuted as the first professional woman bullfighter from the United States. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Television – a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done. --- Ernie Kovacs ...when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. --- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (1859 - 1930),
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

A fight broke out between a couple redneck locals and a lone biker at closing time in the local watering hole. After easily laying out the drunken hillbillies the biker heard someone behind him! So he swung around and landed a kick to a butt, realizing too late that it was only the barmaid picking up empty glasses. When the case went to court, the judge asked, "Are you the woman alleging she was kicked in the altercation?" To which she answered, "I ain't never had no altercation! These is all my original parts."
"I play golf in the low 80's," the little old man was telling one of the young boys at the club. "Wow," said the young man, "that's pretty impressive." "Not really," said the little old man. "Any hotter and I'd probably have a stroke."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Corsey, 32, Waco, Texas Man in Texas got jailed for stabbing girlfriend after she got him a pizza instead of a chicken sandwich reported by the Weekly Vice Michael Corsey, a 32-year-old Texas man, was jailed Friday after he allegedly stabbed his girlfriend with a kitchen knife when she returned home with pizza instead of the chicken sandwich he ordered. According to police, Corsey and his girlfriend had been arguing off and on for several days when a chicken sandwich appeared to be the final straw that led to a violent confrontation between the pair. Investigators say Corsey told his girlfriend that he was in the mood for a chicken sandwich, but she returned home with pizza instead. When Corsey confronted the woman, she tried to flee the residence. That's when Corsey grabbed the woman by the throat, forced her back into the residence and then strangled and punched her until she nearly passed out. As the attack continued, Corsey allegedly grabbed a knife and held it to her throat before eventually stabbing her. The woman eventually seized an opportunity to flee the residence and call 911. Corsey was booked into jail and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. Tech Support Pits From: Vinnie Re: Why the weird subject line? Dear Webby Wht do you always have 'humor:" at the begin of the subject line? That makes it difficult to search for any particular issue. Vinnie Dear Vinnie I started that in 1994 to make it easy to automatically filter the humor letter into a hidden mailbox, that the boss did not know about. Then, from the late 90's on it helped to exclude it from spam filters, even if the subject line or the body mentioned specific malware or how how to get rid of it. As for searching, after a few months searching by hand becomes impossible anyway. That is why all, or almost all, email programs have a SEARCH feature, that will search tens of years back by one or multiple key words. For that you usually search the BODY, not the SUBJECT. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cut Post-It Notes in Half When using "Post-it Notes" cut them in half before using them. You'll have twice as many to use. By donnington from Yorktown, VA You can get glue sticks with the same removable type glue. Cut any paper, that has one side blank, into business card size pieces, "write" a glue line on the printed side, and stack them. Any kid can do it, and will cheerfully build you a tall tower of post-it notes. You can probably make more than 5000 post-it notes with one $2.95 glue stick. You don't really need a whole line along the top of glue. A little dab 'll do ya. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
According to a new medical study, it's healthier for a wife to get angry at her husband, than to keep it all inside which can lead to disease. So guys when the wife runs you over with the SUV, she's just trying to live a healthier lifestyle.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Ellen Discovering that I'd overslept, I abandoned my usual morning routine and rushed out. In the van, though, I realized I had time to stop for a take-out coffee. I got my coffee and returned to the van, only to find I had not only left it running but had locked it! The day was going from bad to worse. I returned to the shop, sheepishly explained my situation to the clerk and asked if I could borrow a broom. I managed to open a side window and pop the lock on the back door using the broom handle. Walking from the parking lot to the shop, some smart-ass eye my broom and asked me what kind of mileage I got with it. He almost got to ride that broom! When I returned the broom, the clerk said, "I know you're having a bad day, but..." "I know, I know," I interrupted. "You want to know how I can unlock my van with a broom." "No," she said. "I wanted to tell you that your polo shirt is on inside out, and you forgot your skirt."
A soldier was asked to report to headquarters for assignment. The sergeant said: "We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you a little test. Type this," he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine. The soldier, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible. The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance. "That's fine," he said. "Report for work at 8 tomorrow." "But aren't you going to check the test?" the prospective clerk asked. The sergeant grinned. "You passed the test," he replied, "when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine."

» On The Hoof

Today, January 20, in
1265 - The first English parliament met in Westminster Hall.
1801 - John Marshall was appointed chief justice of the US
1839 - Chile defeated a confederation of Peru and Bolivia 
 in the Battle of Yungay.
1841 - The island of Hong Kong was ceded to Great Britain. 
 It returned to Chinese control in July 1997.
1885 - The roller coaster was patented by L.A. Thompson.
1886 - The Mersey Railway Tunnel was officially opened by 
 the Prince of Wales.
1887 - The U.S. Senate approved an agreement to lease Pearl 
 Harbor in Hawaii as a naval base.
1929 - The movie "In Old Arizona" was released. The film was 
 the first full-length talking film to be filmed outdoors.
1942 - Nazi officials held the Wannsee conference, during 
 which they arrived at their "final solution" that called 
 for exterminating Europe's Jews.
1944 - The British RAF dropped 2,300 tons of bombs on Berlin.
1952 - In Juarez, Mexico, Patricia McCormick debuted as the 
 first professional woman bullfighter from the United States.
1981 - Iran released 52 Americans that had been held hostage 
 for 444 days. The hostages were flown to Algeria and then 
 to a U.S. base in Wiesbaden, West Germany. The release 
 occurred minutes after the U.S. presidency had passed from 
 Jimmy Carter to Ronald Reagan, who was going to go "fix 
 their wagon".
1986 - Britain and France announced their plans to build 
 the Channel Tunnel.
1987 - Anglican Church envoy Terry Waite was kidnapped in 
 Beirut, Lebanon. He was there attempting to negotiate the 
 release of Western hostages. He was not freed until 
 November 1991.
1994 - Shannon Faulkner became the first woman to attend 
 classes at The Citadel in South Carolina. Faulkner joined 
 the cadet corps in August 1995 under court order but soon 
 dropped out.
1998 - American researchers announced that they had cloned 
 calves that may produce medicinal milk.
1998 - In Chile, a judge agreed to hear a lawsuit that 
 accused Chile's former dictator Augusto Pinochet with 
 genocide.
1999 - The China News Service announced that the Chinese 
 government was tightening restrictions on internet use. 
 The rules were aimed at 'Internet Bars.'
2014  smiled.


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Line break problem in Hotmail 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, January 18.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Heroin seller at Pensylvania McDonalds got busted Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1825 Ezra Daggett and Thomas Kensett of New York City patented a canning process to preserve salmon, oysters and lobsters. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. --- Will Rogers Now it all makes sense. And on the 8th day God said, "OK Murphy, you take over." --- Socratex
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A van carrying a dozen movie stuntmen on the way to a film location in the Canadian Rockies spun out of control on the icy road, crashed through a guard-rail, rolled down a 900-foot embankment, slid on it's roof 200 more feet, crashed into a canyon and burst into flames. There were no injuries and nobody got sued.
A driver who was bringing a meticulously prepared and pre-dented bus to a location in New York City for an on-location movie shoot, was too early and drove to a nearby restaurant to wait there. Just to be funny, he carefully lined up the artificial dent at the front with a light pole. When he came back out of the restaurant, there were eight passengers in the bus, moaning and groaning about whiplash and talking to their lawyers on their cellphones.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Theodore Levon Upshaw, 28, Murrysville, PA Heroin seller at Pensylvania McDonalds got busted reported by the Smoking Gun JANUARY 16--A McDonald’s employee who recently served time in prison on a narcotics charge has been arrested for selling heroin from the fast food restaurant, police report. Theodore Levon Upshaw, 28, was busted yesterday after selling “20 stamp bags of heroin” to a confidential police informant, according to a criminal complaint. While Wednesday’s transaction took place in the eatery’s parking lot--after Upshaw took a break from work--the informant had “previously made multiple purchases of heroin” from Upshaw inside the McDonald’s in Murrysville, a municipality in Westmoreland County. Following the buy, cops busted Upshaw--who was wearing his work uniform--on several felony narcotics charges, including heroin possession and delivery of heroin. He was booked into the county jail, where he is being held in lieu of $50,000 bond. Upshaw, pictured in the above mug shot, has been living in an alternative housing facility since his early release from state prison, where he was serving three years on a conviction for possession with intent to deliver narcotics. Since Upshaw is on parole for that conviction, a detainer has been entered for alleged violations of his terms of supervision. Tech Support Pits From: Carl Re: Line break problem in hotmail Dr. Webby, when I copy and paste to send a section of your newsletter (Ophelia's letter also), I don't seem to get the correct point to start a new line. I must go through and add return where I want to end a line.... Carl For instance:... How can you easily determine how much dirt there is in an oblong hole three feet deep at one end and two feet deep at the other end, and four feet wide at one end and two feet wide at the other end? That is due to the Word-Wrap setting in your Hotmail. Set that at "As Original" or 60 characters or somewhere around there, and the wordwrap will be right. Apparently right now you got it set at a large number or flow. Flow means it will flow freely depending on the width of the window. If you squish or stretch the window, the lines will flow to adjust to that. "Flow" looks neat, but is actually quite a nuisance, because it kills the original line breaks. Look for "WORD WRAP" and experiment with the settings in there. If they still have "AS ORIGINAL", pick that. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cheap Teeth Whitening Clean your teeth by chewing on a raw potato. It works fast and better than those expensive whiting strips! By Ann from Saint Peters, MO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: "I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave." At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his desk and found this note: "Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. You drive on Mondays, you idiot."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

I was at the local drug store when a sweet young lady from the neighborhood, who had recently gotten married, came into the store. She was looking at the men's toiletries and the clerk asked her if she needed any assistance. I heard her say, "Well, I'm looking for some deodorant for my new husband , but I don't know what kind he uses." The clerk asked, "Is it the ball type?" I almost lost it when she responded, "Oh No! It's for his under his arms."
Jill, in the personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff broken down by age and sex. She sent this reply: "Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one broken down by age or sex. However, we do have a few alcoholics."

» Paleolithic Caves of France

Today, January 19, in
1419 Rouen surrendered to Henry V, completing his 
 conquest of Normandy.
1793 King Louis XVI was tried by the French Convention, 
 found guilty of treason and sentenced to the guillotine.
1825 Ezra Daggett and Thomas Kensett of New York City 
 patented a canning process to preserve salmon, oysters 
 and lobsters.
1883 Thomas Edison's first village electric lighting 
 system using overhead wires began operation in Roselle, NJ.
1907 The first film reviews appeared in "Variety" magazine.
1915 George Claude, of Paris, France, patented the neon 
 discharge tube for use in advertising signs.
1915 More than 20 people were killed when German zeppelins 
 bombed England for the first time. The bombs were dropped 
 on Great Yarmouth and King's Lynn.
1937 Howard Hughes set a transcontinental air record. He flew 
 from Los Angeles to New York City in 7 hours, 28 minutes 
1942 The Japanese invaded Burma (later Myanmar).
1944 The U.S. federal government relinquished control of the 
 nation's railroads after the settlement of a wage dispute.
1949 The salary of the President of the United States was 
 increased from $75,000 to $100,000 with an additional 
 $50,000 expense allowance for each year in office.
1969 In protest against the Russian invasion of 1968, Czech 
 student Jan Palach set himself on fire in Prague's 
 Wenceslas Square.
1977 U.S. President Ford pardoned Iva Toguri D'Aquino 
 (the "Tokyo Rose").
1981 The U.S. and Iran signed an agreement paving the way for the 
 release of 52 Americans held hostage for more than 14 months and 
 for arrangements to unfreeze Iranian assets and to resolve all 
 claims against Iran.
1983 China announced that it was bannning 1983 purchases of cotton, 
 soybeans and chemical fibers from the United States.
1993 IBM announced a loss of $4.97 billion for 1992. It was the 
 largest single-year loss in U.S. corporate history.
1995 Russian forces overwhelmed the resistance forces in Chechnya.
1996 U.S. first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was subpoenaed to 
 appear before a federal grand jury. The investigation was 
 concerning the discovery of billing records related to the 
 Whitewater real estate investment venture.
1997 Yasser Arafat returned to Hebron for the first time in 
 more than 30 years. He joined 60,000 Palestinians in 
 celebration over the handover of the last West Bank city 
 in Israeli control.
2000 In New York's Time Square, the first WWF restaurant opened. 
2014  smiled.


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How to save pictures from a newsletter? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, January 18.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Naked Woman Wearing Angel Wings jailed in Arkansas Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2002 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced the approval of a saliva-based ovulation test. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Most people have seen worse things in private than they pretend to be shocked at in public. --- Edgar Watson Howe (1853 - 1937) We are none of us infallible--not even the youngest of us. --- W. H. Thompson The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or not." --- George Bernard Shaw
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?" "Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago." "Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?" "Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago." Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting a lot better at it, isn't he?"
Sometimes... when you cry, no one sees your tears. Sometimes... when you are in pain, no one sees your hurt. Sometimes... when you are worried, no one sees your stress. Sometimes... when you are happy, no one sees your smile. But fart just ONE TIME...!
Thanks to Anastassia for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christine Lawrence, 47, Mountain Home, Arkansas Naked Woman Wearing Angel Wings jailed in Arkansas reported by the Smoking Gun JANUARY 15--A naked woman wearing a pair of angel wings was arrested early yesterday after police spotted her walking on an Arkansas street. Christine Lawrence, 47, was busted for indecent exposure after a pair of Mountain Home Police Department officers responded to a 3:20 AM call about “a female walking down the middle of the road with nothing on besides angel wings,” according to a police report. When one patrolman sought to speak with Lawrence, she fled into her nearby Circle Drive residence. As Lawrence was subsequently being arrested, she struggled with police, leading to an additional charge of resisting arrest. The police report does not indicate why Lawrence was promenading in her birthday suit, though yesterday happened to be her birthday. Seen in the above mug shot, Lawrence was booked into the Baxter County jail on the two misdemeanor charges. She remains locked up in lieu of $790 bond, and is scheduled for a February 4 court appearance. Dressed up. It is not a violent or nasty crime, but she should have known that in Arkansas they like their angels in long, white dresses! Tech Support Pits From: Cora Re: How do I save pictures from the Humor Letter Dear Webby, How do I save pictures from the Humor Letter, so that I can use them for other purposes? Thanks Cora Dear Cora Click through the picture to the full size version. That will show in your browser. Once you see it in your browser, right-clcik the picture, select "Copy Image", jump to your graphics program, and hit CTRL V to paste it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Rubber Bands to Keep Tools from Slipping To keep tools from slipping in your hands, wrap those free rubber bands that come on vegetables or newspapers around the handle. It really makes for a good grip and sure a lot cheaper than the liquid you can buy for the purpose. When working on a roof, it keeps them from sliding also. I also use them on cans of aerosol hairspray, my hands seem to slip when I push the button. By latrtatr Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Doug went to the eye doctor for an examination because he was having trouble reading the newspaper. "Now that you're over 40," the doctor told him, "you've developed a condition called 'presbyopia,' in which the lens of your eye can no longer focus as well as it used to." Seeing his worried look, the doctor tried to be upbeat. "Con- gratulations!" he said. "You're now officially a presbyope!" Doug leaned over and asked seriously, "If that means I'm no longer a Roman Catholic, do I still have to go to Confession?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Thanks to Rose for this one: While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. "What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?" "Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."
A guy got on a bus one day and sat in the aisle seat beside an elderly lady. A few minutes later, he couldn't control himself and had to let loose a big noisy fart. Embarrassed, he tried to make conversation with the lady and asked her "Do you by any chance have todays paper?" The lady looked at him and said "No, but the next time we pass by a tree I'll grab you a handful of leaves."

» Pedal Power

Today, January 18, in
1778 English navigator Captain James Cook discovered the 
 Hawaiian Islands, which he called the "Sandwich Islands."
1788 The first English settlers arrived in Australia's 
 Botany Bay to establish a penal colony. The group moved 
 north eight days later and settled at Port Jackson.
1871 Wilhelm, King of Prussia from 1861, was proclaimed 
 the first German Emperor.
1896 The x-ray machine was exhibited for the first time.
1911 For the first time an aircraft landed on a ship. Pilot 
 Eugene B. Ely flew onto the deck of the USS Pennsylvania 
 in San Francisco harbor.
1939 Louis Armstrong and his orchestra recorded "Jeepers 
 Creepers."
1943 During World War II, the Soviets announced that they 
 had broken the Nazi siege of Leningrad, which had began 
 in September of 1941.
1943 U.S. commercial bakers stopped selling sliced bread. 
 Only whole loaves were sold during the ban until the end 
 of World War II.
1950 The federal tax on oleomargarine was repealed.
1957 The first, non-stop, around-the-world, jet flight came 
 to an end at Riverside, CA. The plane was refueled in mid-flight 
 by huge aerial tankers.
1964 The plans for the World Trade Center in New York were 
 disclosed.
1978 The European Court of Human Rights cleared the British 
 government of torture but found it guilty of inhuman and 
 degrading treatment of prisoners in Northern Ireland.
1990 In an FBI sting, Washington, DC, Mayor Marion Barry was 
 arrested for drug possession. He was later convicted of a 
 misdemeanor.
1991 Eastern Airlines shut down after 62 years in business 
 due to financial problems.
1995 A network of caves were discovered near the town of 
 Vallon-Pont-d'Arc in southern France. The caves contained 
 paintings and engravings that were 17,000 to 20,000 years 
 old.
1997 Hutu militiamen killed three Spanish aid workers and 
 three soldiers and seriously wounded an American in a 
 night attack in NW Rwanda.
2002 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced 
 the approval of a saliva-based ovulation test.
2012 Wikipedia began a 24-hour "blackout" in protest against 
 proposed anti-piracy legislation (S. 968 and H.R. 3261) 
 known as the Protect Intellectual Property Act (PIPA) in 
 the Senate and the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) in the 
 House. Many websites, including Reddit, Google, Facebook, 
 Amazon and others, contended would make it challenging 
 if not impossible for them to operate. 
2014  smiled.


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Can you mix IDE and ATA drives ? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, January 17.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Thank you George!

This evening at the end of my 4 km walk the full moon came 
out. I was tempted to walk another round, but had too much 
work left to do, so had to limit that to a bit of staring
at the moon and the stars.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Florida woman jailed for trying to run over boyfriend Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1985 "Playboy" magazine announced its 30-year tradition of stapling centerfold models in the bellybutton and elsewhere would come to an immediate end. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, nd to steal bread. --- Anatole France (1844 - 1924) "It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you'll do things differently." --- Warren Buffett
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

>From Evan A young man walked into our insurance office to purchase coverage for his new motorcycle. Only one question confused him. "Do you have a lien holder on the vehicle?" "I've got a kickstand," the prospect replied. "Is that the same thing?"
A businessman had a tiring day on the road. He checked into a hotel and, because he was concerned that the dining room might close soon, left his luggage at the front desk and went immediately to eat. After a leisurely dinner, he reclaimed his luggage and realized that he had forgotten his room number. He went back to the desk and told the clerk on duty, "My name is Henry Davis, could you please tell me what room I am in?" "Goodness Gwacious me! Certaintly, sir" said the clerk. "You in the lobby, sir."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lisa de Lapi, 28, Royal Palm Beach, Floriduh Jailed for Trying To Run Over Boyfriend reported by Huffington Post Floridian and wanna-be model Lisa de Lapi, 28, was arrested after she allegedly tried to run over her boyfriend with a car on their special day of love Monday, WPBF reported. Palm Beach Deputies say de Lapi, a Royal Palm Beach resident, told them her 27-year-old boyfriend "set her off," so she responded by attempting to mow him down with her red Pontiac. She missed him, but then apparently drove over his bike and crashed into his parked car. Investigators also said de Lapi informed them it was the couple's anniversary and they have been dating for a year and a half. The report did not state why she got enraged at her boyfriend. Maybe he gave her an honest answer about her chances to ever make a buck modeling. Tech Support Pits From: Bob Re: Mix and match IDE and ATA Dear Webby, Dear Webby, Can you mix and match IDE and ATA hard drives? I want to use my old IDE drive as a second (slave) drive with my new DELL machine, which has an ATA drive. Bob Dear Bob Even though the sales people at DELL tell you that you can, you can't. They are lying. The way around that problem is to simply use a USB harddrive enclosure for the old IDE drive. USB harddrive enclosures cost $12 and up on-line. However, check PriceGrabber and see if a nearby store has a good deal. With low cost items the shipping costs can make an on-line purchase more expensive than a local storefront. With most USB harddrive enclosures you get a bunch of tiny screws to attach the drive inside the usually almost too snug enclosure. Don't fret if the little screws don't line up or are a nuisance. Once the lid is closed, the drive is held quite nicely. By the way, even though your old IDE drive measures about 4" x 6", it's called a 3.5" drive, because the platter inside is a 3.5" platter. If you ask for a 4" drive enclosure, they will tell you that you are on the wrong planet. Look for a 3.5 inch USB 2 Hard Drive Enclosure for IDE drives. USB 2 standard is 40 times faster than USB 1. Take your old drive along unless you are confident, that the sales staff know the difference between IDE and ATA, and make sure the socket inside fits your drive. The sockets are quite different and few enclosures have both types of sockets. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bamboo Rod For Mug Storage Save yourself several cup hooks. Instead of one hook for each cup, use two to hold a slender rod. I used a disassembled bamboo placemat, cost:$1, and it has been used before for similar needs. Slip your cups onto the rod and set it onto the cup hooks. I saved one hook on one side of the cabinet and two on the side with four cups! The cups can still be used with very little effort of carefully lifting an end of the rod off one of the hooks and taking the cup(s) off. My espresso cups are seldom used and take up valuable cabinet space so in hanging them for display they are no longer in the way! By melody_yesterday from Otterville, MO Too complicated for an (again) untamed batchelor. Cup hooks are 25 for a Dollar. Mark the layout on masking tape and stick that under the upper cabinet. The marks have to be the diameter of the cups plus a bit apart. You can of course have more than just one row. Then drill with a small drill bit about 1/2 inch deep through the marks on the masking tape. If you don't like twisting your body for that chore, assign that to a kid, drill through a bottle cork and use that as a spacer, so that they don't drill too deep. After that it is easy to peel off the tape and twist in the cup hooks. The masking tape keeps the drill bit from skating and keeps the hole nice and tidy. There are T-handle hook wrenches available, but you can easily make one by simply cutting a slot into a piece of scrap. That way you can turn the cup hooks in easily, even if you have arthritis. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, if you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!' It worked."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!" A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend. One student on the balcony jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is full!"
>From Andrew My wife and I, both graduate students, recently celebrated the arrival of our first child. At my wife's insistence, we had paid our entire medical bill and were now worried about meeting other payments. We were discussing our sad financial situation one evening when our son demanded a diaper change. As my wife leaned over the baby's crib, I heard her mutter, "The only thing in the house that's paid for, and it leaks."

» Petal Power

Today, January 17, in
1377 The Papal See was transferred from Avignon in France 
 back to Rome.
1562 French Protestants were recognized under the Edict of 
 St. Germain.
1773 Captain Cook's Resolution became the first ship to 
 cross the Antarctic Circle.
1852 The independence of the Transvaal Boers was 
 recognized by Britain.
1871 Andrew S. Hallidie received a patent for a cable 
 car system.
1893 Hawaii's monarchy was overthrown when a group of 
 businessmen and sugar planters forced Queen Liliuokalani 
 to abdicate.
1900 The U.S. took Wake Island where there was an important 
 cable link between Hawaii and Manila.
1900 Yaqui Indians in Texas proclaimed their independence 
 from Mexico.
1900 Mormon Brigham Roberts was denied a seat in the U.S. 
 House of Representatives for his practicing of polygamy.
1912 English explorer Robert Falcon Scott reached the South 
 Pole. Norwegian Roald Amundsen had beaten him there by one 
 month. Scott and his party died during the return trip.
1913 All partner interests in 36 Golden Rule Stores were 
 consolidated and incorporated in Utah into one company. 
 The new corporation was the J.C. Penney Company.
1928 The fully automatic film-developing machine was patented 
 by A.M. Josepho.
1934 Ferdinand Porsche submitted a design for a people's car, 
 a "Volkswagen," to the new German Reich government.
1945 Soviet and Polish forces liberated Warsaw during World War II.
1945 Swedish diplomat Raoul Wallenberg disappeared in Hungary 
 while in Soviet custody. Wallenberg was credited with saving 
 tens of thousands of Jews.
1966 A B-52 carrying four H-bombs collided with a refuelling 
 tanker. The bombs were released and eight crewmembers were 
 killed.
1991 Coalition airstrikes began against Iraq after negotiations 
 failed to get Iraq to retreat from the country of Kuwait.
1994 The Northridge earthquake rocked Los Angeles, CA, 
 registering a 6.7 on the Richter Scale. At least 61 people were 
 killed and about $20 billion in damage was caused.
1995 More than 6,000 people were killed when an earthquake with 
 a magnitude of 7.2 devastated the city of Kobe, Japan.
1997 A court in Ireland granted the first divorce in the Roman 
 Catholic country's history.
1997 Israel gave over 80% of Hebron to Palestinian rule, but 
 held the remainder where several hundred Jewish settlers lived 
 among 20,000 Palestinians.
1998 U.S. President Clinton gave his deposition in the Paula 
 Jones sexual harassment lawsuit against him. He was the first 
 U.S. President to testify as a defendant in a criminal or 
 civil lawsuit.
2002 It was announced that Microsoft had signed a joint 
 venture agreement to produce software with two partners 
 in China. The two partners were Beijin Centergate Technologies 
 (Holding) Co. and the Stone Group.
2014  smiled.


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Forwarding just parts of an email 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, January 16.

The "consultation" about cataract surgery was mostly 
sitting around various waiting rooms, occasionally 
interrupted by brusque recent imports mumbling impatient
instructions and briefly doing some tests. They seemed 
to be paid by the number of patients they can hustle 
through per day. 

It took about three hours and included probably almost 
ten minutes of actual staff time.
In the meantime Barb, who was driving me there and back,
was fuming about the lack of nearby parking and the cost
per minute of parking. Eventually i was told that there 
was a six month waiting list, and that my turn would come
in July.

We did finally get out of there, me with two sets of not
very cool shades on, and headed for Dennys, Barb's treat 
for the driving. Barb is a friend and neighbor and the 
owner of Copper, the dog I walk with in the evening.

We got a fairly good medical system, about as good as the 
US is hoping to get in twenty years, after all the bugs 
have been fixed, but even with the bugs fixed, a Government
system with no competition is much more annoying than
a Free Enterprise system with competition.

The drops they put into my eyes for the convenience of 
their staff are slowly wearing off, but vision is nowhere
near normal. Expect the odd typo and irregularity!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Alabama couple Jailed After Hanging Dog By Neck, Posting Photos On Facebook Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1985 "Playboy" magazine announced its 30-year tradition of stapling centerfold models in the bellybutton and elsewhere would come to an immediate end. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind. --- Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC) The unpaid ones do too!
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

>from Lisa: Fresh out of high school, I found a job cleaning the elegant home of an older couple. Among other duties, I had to dust their many imported carvings and petrified collectibles as well as pick up after their pets. One day I was astonished to find two ivory fossils lying on the floor beside the bookcase. I quickly picked them up and put them back on the shelf. The next week the same thing happened. That afternoon my employer came into the parlor, her faithful canine behind her. Looking around, she eyed the bookcase. "Tricky," she asked the dog, "how in the world do you keep getting your bones up there?"
A health-food restaurant in Cambridge Mass. had a billboard proclaiming, "Eat here and live a long life!" The barbecue pit next door posted this response, "Eat here and die happy!"
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Caroline Dunnam, 26 and Andrew Parrish, 23, in Valley Grande, AL an Alabama couple Jailed After Hanging Dog By Neck, Posting Photos On Facebook reported by the Weekly Vice Alabama couple Caroline Dunnam, 26, and Andrew Parrish, 23, have been jailed after they allegedly hung their dog by the neck, snapped a photo of the assault and posted it to Facebook. According to police, an investigation was launched after Dunnam and Parrish tied a rope to their dog's neck and hung the animal from a ceiling tile in what appeared to be their living room. After snapping a photograph of the hanging dog, the couple posted the images to Dunnam's Facebook page. When several people complained about the photographs, Dunnam (or someone using her account) defended the photographs. SIC "If u have a problem with my personal (expletive) FB page, delete me and go on somewhere I don't give a (expletive) what anybody on here thinks end of story," Dunnam allegedly responded. Investigators began looking into the matter after someone saw the post and called police. Although the incident took place in late November, the couple eventually turned themselves in on January 10. The dog was placed into the custody of Selma Animal Hospital. Dunnam and Parish were booked into the Dallas County Jail and charged with animal cruelty. They were released after posting $500 bond each. Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: How do I forward just one joke? Dear Webby, Greeting from Northern Minnesota, enjoy your humor letter every day, keep up the great work. question is there any way I can take a joke from your humor letter and forward it to others without sending the whole humor letter ? I'm able to do it with the pictures just right click and save picture but it doesn't work for print. thanks for any help, Jim Two Harbors,Mn Dear Jim Highlight the joke Click on the Forward icon and type in the address of the recipient. Another method is to highlight the joke hit CTRL C to copy jump to a letter to that recipient place the cursor where you want that joke hit CTRL V to paste it. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sturdy Kitty Litter Scoop If you have cats, go to a restaurant supply store and buy a metal mess scoop that is used to remove items from the deep fryer. Use this as your kitty litter scoop. It will never break, bend, or fail you in any way. By Brenda Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
In the days when you couldn't count on a public facility to have indoor plumbing, an English woman was planning a trip to Germany. She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local schoolmaster. She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC. In England, a bathroom is commonly called a WC which stands for water closet. She wrote the schoolmaster inquiring into the location of the nearest WC. The school master, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a "Wayside Chapel" near the house . . . a bathroom never entered their minds. So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply: Dear Madam, I ta! ke great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly. It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was there that! she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly. You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time! I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accomp! animent. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere. The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel it is long needed. I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all. With deepest regards, The Schoolmaster
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

How can you easily determine how much dirt there is in an oblong hole three feet deep at one end and two feet deep at the other end, and four feet wide at one end and two feet wide at the other end? *
Thanks to Tim for this one: My wife and I went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas. The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was. He told her one had a horn and other one didn't, she replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don't expect we'll run into too much traffic out here." --------------- * There is no dirt in a hole

» Puppy Power

Today, January 14, in
1547 Ivan the Terrible was crowned Czar of Russia.
1572 The Duke of Norfolk was tried for treason for complicity 
 in the Ridolfi plot to restore Catholicism in England. He 
 was executed on June 2.
1809 The British defeated the French at the Battle of 
 Corunna, in the Peninsular War.
1866 Everett Barney patented the metal screw clamp skate.
1900 The U.S. Senate consented to the Anglo-German treaty 
 of 1899, by which the U.K. renounced rights to the 
 Samoan islands.
1919 The 18th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which 
 prohibited the sale or transportation of alcoholic beverages, 
 was ratified. It was later repealed by the 21st Amendment.
1920 Prohibition went into effect in the U.S.
1920 The motion picture "The Kid" opened.
1925 Leon Trotsky was dismissed as Chairman of the 
 Revolutionary Council of the USSR.
1944 General Dwight D. Eisenhower took command of the 
 Allied invasion force in London.
1970 Colonel Muammar el-Quaddafi became virtual president 
 of Libya.
1970 Buckminster Fuller, the designer of the geodesic dome, 
 was awarded the Gold Medal of the American Institute of 
 Architects.
1979 The Shah of Iran and his family fled Iran for Egypt.
1982 Britain and the Vatican resumed full diplomatic 
 relations after a break of over 400 years.
1985 "Playboy" magazine announced its 30-year tradition 
 of stapling centerfold models in the bellybutton and 
 elsewhere would come to an immediate end.
1998 Researchers announce that an altered gene helped 
 to defend against HIV.
1991 The White House announced the start of Operation 
 Desert Storm. The operation was designed to drive 
 Iraqi forces out of Kuwait.
1998 It was announced that Texas would receive $15.3 
 billion in a tobacco industry settlement. The payouts 
 were planned to take place over 25 years.
2002 The U.N. Security Council unanimously adopted sanctions 
 against Osama bin Laden, his terror network and the remnants 
 of the Taliban. The sanctions required that all nations 
 impose arms embargoes and freeze their finances.
2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 500 million applications downloaded. 
2014  smiled.


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How to forward just one paragraph? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, January 15.
Next Wednesday I have to go for more injections into my 
eyeballs. Today I have to go for "consultation" about
cataract surgery. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Missouri Woman who was Jailed After Showing Up To Court Drunk With Baby In Tow Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2005 A probe, from the Cassini-Huygens mission, sent back pictures during and after landing on Saturn's moon Titan. The mission was launched on October 15, 1997. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
It is possible to store the mind with a million facts and still be entirely uneducated. --- Alec Bourne What we see depends mainly on what we look for. --- John Lubbock
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

An elderly fellow was taken to the hospital for an examination of his circulatory system. When he got home, his wife asked what had happened. He said, "They worked this gadget into my artery and up into my heart, and then they sucked out thirty years of chocolate cake."
An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal. "Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a friend. "Your chances are better," said the friend, "if you tell her you're 90 and have a heart problem."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Terisha Wallace, 19, Edwardsville, Missouri Jailed After Showing Up To Court Drunk With Baby In Tow Terisha Wallace, a 19-year-old Missouri woman, was jailed Friday after she allegedly showed up to court intoxicated and with her baby in tow. And that's not all she apparently got wrong. According to the Madison County Sheriff's Office, Wallace was taken into custody after she brought her baby to the Madison County Criminal Justice Center while under the influence of alcohol. Although the charge is a misdemeanor, Wallace has developed a history of alcohol related charges and two felony arrests. Investigators say Wallace was placed under arrest as soon as she arrived at the courthouse after they received a tip from her mother alleging that she had been drinking the night before and would likely still be intoxicated. A breath test later confirmed that she had consumed alcohol. To make matters more ironic, Wallace wasn't scheduled to show up for her court appearance until Monday. Wallace was reportedly ordered into court for a probation status hearing after she was accused last June of assaulting a 13-year-old boy. In that case, Wallace and a 16-year-old male reportedly punched and kicked the victim in the head. In April of 2012 Wallace reportedly pleaded guilty to a charge of burglary and was placed on two years of probation. She was also convicted in 2009 of unlawful consumption of alcohol by a minor. Wallace's mother, Cheri, has filed a motion asking the court for an order of protection for herself and the baby. Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: How do I forward just one joke? Dear Webby, Greeting from Northern Minnesota, enjoy your humor letter every day, keep up the great work. question is there any way I can take a joke from your humor letter and forward it to others without sending the whole humor letter ? I'm able to do it with the pictures just right click and save picture but it doesn't work for print. thanks for any help, Jim Two Harbors,Mn Dear Jim Highlight the joke Click on the Forward icon and type in the address of the recipient. Another method is to highlight the joke hit CTRL C to copy jump to a letter to that recipient place the cursor where you want that joke hit CTRL V to paste it. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Don't Toss That Broken Fan! Don't toss that broken fan until you've removed both parts of the round wire blade cover and cleaned them well, for two of the finest and sturdiest patio table/garden baskets, chip servers you will ever find for free! By Lynda from TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
I was shocked, confused, bewildered as I entered Heaven's door, Not by the beauty of it all, by the lights or its decor. But it was the folks in Heaven who made me sputter and gasp-- the thieves, the liars, the sinners, the alcoholics, the trash. There stood the kid from seventh grade who swiped my lunch money twice. Next to him was my old neighbor who never said anything nice. Herb, who I always thought was rotting away in hell, was sitting pretty on cloud nine, looking incredibly well. I nudged the angel, "What's the deal? I would love to hear your take. How'd all these sinners get up here? God must've made a mistake. And why's everyone so quiet, so somber? Give me a clue." "Hush, child," said he. "They're all in shock. No one thought they'd see you."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

At the end of the college year, a star football player celebrated the relaxation of team curfew by attending a late night campus party. Soon after arriving, he became captivated by a beautiful young thing and eased into a conversation with her by asking if she met many dates at parties. "Oh, I have a 3.9, so I'm much more attracted to the strong academic types than to dumb party animals," she said. "What's your G.P.A.?" Grinning from ear to ear, the jock boasted, "I get about 27 in the city and 38 on the highway.
A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon." Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, I have placed an order for it just yesterday." Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was it she asked about?" And the clerk said, "Rapes down in the parkade."

» Pucker Power

Today, January 14, in
1559 England's Queen Elizabeth I (Elizabeth Tudor) was crowned 
in Westminster Abbey.
1624 Many riots occurred in Mexico when it was announced that 
all churches were to be closed.
1863 "The Boston Morning Journal" became the first paper in 
 the U.S. to be published on wood pulp paper.
1870 A cartoon by Thomas Nast titled "A Live Jackass Kicking 
 a Dead Lion" appeared in "Harper's Weekly." The cartoon 
 used the donkey to symbolize the Democratic Party for the 
 first time.
1892 "Triangle" magazine in Springfield, MA, published the 
 rules for a brand new game. The original rules involved 
 attaching peach baskets to a suspended board. It is now 
 known as basketball.
1913 The first telephone line between Berlin and New York 
 was inaugurated.
1943 The Pentagon was dedicated as the world's largest office 
 building just outside Washington, DC, in Arlington, VA. 
 The structure covers 34 acres of land and has 17 miles of 
 corridors. It has since been extended.
1955 The first solar-heated, radiation-cooled house was built 
 by Raymond Bliss in Tucson, AZ.
1973 U.S. President Nixon announced the suspension of all 
 U.S. offensive action in North Vietnam. 
1974 "Happy Days" premiered on ABC-TV.
2003 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the U.S. Congress 
had permission to repeatedly extend copyright protection.
2014  smiled.


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April Panic 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, January 14.

Had to go up to the hospital for my quarter year blood 
sampling. Dianne Skyped me to put rocks into my pockets,
because the blizzard apparently was 80, gusting to 100.
I thought she was exaggerating a bit, especially since
the blizzard was at my back going up there. No problem
at all!

When I shook the snow off my back at the hospital entrance,
and there was enough for a snow man, that was my first clue,
that the way home might not be as easy.
It wasn't.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Kentucky jail breaker, who got so cold, that he asked to be let inside again. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2005 A probe, from the Cassini-Huygens mission, sent back pictures during and after landing on Saturn's moon Titan. The mission was launched on October 15, 1997. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)
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>From Penny A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband ?" All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him ?" Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember. The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart." The women were then told to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received, in response. Here are some of the replies: 1. Who the hell is this ? 2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what ? 3. Yeh, and I love you too. What's up with you ?? 4. What now? Did you crash the car again ? 5. I don't understand what you mean ? 6. What the f*ck did you do now ? 7. ?!? 8. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need ? 9. Am I dreaming ? 10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die. 11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day. 12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she ?? 13. Are you pregnant AGAIN?
Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at Notre Dame was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportsmanlike-like manner at a recent football game. "I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents." "Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin'," the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat. "That's not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my opponents." "Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk mark. "There's more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other team's players in the ..., in a sensitive area." "Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we playin' when you did these awful things?" "Southern Methodist." "Ah, well," said the priest, wiping his sleeve, "boys will be boys."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Wylene Crissel, Titusville, Floriduh Titusville Woman held after box-cutter attack A Titusville woman wielding a box cutter slashed another woman’s neck during a Sunday night argument at the Emerald Place Apartments on Tree Lane, police said. Wylene Crissel was charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon after the 8:36 p.m. confrontation. She was taken to the Brevard County Jail Complex. Witnesses told police Crissel began arguing with the victim, and the argument escalated into a fight. That’s when Crissel produced a box cutter and sliced the victim’s neck, police said. The victim was hospitalized with serious but non-life threatening injuries. Tech Support Pits From: Darla Re: April panic Dear Webby, When I try to vote for your site, I never get an e-mail to confirm. It's been happening for a long time, is there anything I can do ? I also have a computer question to ask you if you don't mind. Both My Mom and I have XP on our computer's & use Outlook Express. After April when Microsoft no longer supports XP, is there anything we can do beside's buy a new computer ? We have been using XP for many years and I don't want to get stuck with Windows 8. I have saved lots of Outlook Express e-mails on my hard drive and I'm wondering what will happen to them. Some have picture's included and some don't. Thank you for your time, Darla Dear Darla the voting is done at the Ezinefinder, not at any of our servers. Write to support@cumuli.com or use the contact form on their site. Re XP supposedly no longer getting support from Microsoft after April: How much support have you received from them on a regular basis? Would you actually notice it, if they stopped providing that ? They are not going to come visiting you and risk a rolling pin over their noggin for tying to turn your computer off or deleting your emails. All they are threatening, if you don't buy a new computer from one of the many companies they own shares in, is that they will no longer have a support desk to answer questions, and that Mujibar will be on the W7 desk after April. Keep in mind, a LOT of industry and commerce are using XP, and have often enough threatened to move to Linux, if they can't continue to use XP. They MEAN IT! They all have Linux installation CD's ready to pop in. With industry and commerce all that counts is the applications, that they actually use, like a word processor or spreadsheet or database or email. Those programs all have their Linux versions. All the other frills are not really necessary, and frequently even frowned upon. Sure, you can play games on Linux too, but it will take people some time to find and install the games, and in the meantime, productivity might break out! As far as the monthly updates to slow XP down to the speed of W7, don't worry, as long as you got decent anti-malware protection like McAfee. So, there is absolutely no panic about April, except for Mujibar, of course. He is probably busy cussing about W7 or W8. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Uses for Juice from Canned Fruit Use it when making yeast breads; including cinnamon rolls and or quick breads. It adds another layer of delicious flavor and nutrition. You may want to reduce the amount of sugar by a Tbsp. or so to keep from having your breads or rolls too sweet. I especially like to use peach syrup (heavy syrup) in cinnamon rolls. Yummy. It is also one of the best additions when making Jello, instead of cold water. Canned fruit liquid or syrup is a delicious addition to making salad dressings. I add a bit of vinegar and a dash of black pepper. Use over any sort of green leafy lettuce. Thicken it with a spoonful of corn starch, cook until mixture thickens, cool and spoon over ice-cream or pudding, fresh fruit salad or pound cake. Source: My dislike of having to waste anything good. By Julia from Boca Raton, FL WHOA!!!! Learn the diffwerence between fruit juice and fruit syrup! Fruit JUICE is juice from that fruit. Pineapple often has Fruit JUICE. Fruit SYRUP is corn syrup with fruit flavor, and will cause you to wonder what made your rear end so wide. Peaches are often in SYRUP. Be very careful at the store! Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
"What do you love most about me," a husband asked his wife, "my tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?" "What I love most about you," responded the man's wife, "is your incredible sense of humor."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside. One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't see us or recognize my pickup." The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make. God knows we're in here... and he's the only one who counts." The first deacon countered, "But God won't fink to my wife."
A mother was teaching her three-year-old The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, the child repeated it after the mother. Then one night the child was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride to the carefully enunciated words, right up to the end. "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us my e-mail. "

» Watermelon

Today, January 14, in
1639 Connecticut's first constitution, the "Fundamental 
 Orders," was adopted.
1784 The United States ratified a peace treaty with England 
 ending the Revolutionary War.
1858 French emperor Napoleon III escaped an attempt on 
 his life.
1873 John Hyatt's 1869 invention ‘Celluloid’ was 
 registered as a trademark.
1878 Alexander Graham Bell demonstrated the telephone for 
 Britain's Queen Victoria.
1907 An earthquake killed over 1,000 people in Kingston, 
 Jamaica.
1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first 
 U.S. President to fly in an airplane while in office. He 
 flew from Miami, FL, to French Morocco where he met with 
 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill to discuss WWII.
1953 Josip Broz Tito was elected president of Yugoslavia 
1954 Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were married. The 
 marriage only lasted nine months.
1954 The Hudson Motor Car Company merged with Nash-Kelvinator. 
 The new company was called the American Motors Corporation.
1969 An explosion aboard the U.S. aircraft carrier Enterprise 
 off Hawaii killed 25 crew members.
1993 The British government pledged to introduce legislation 
 to criminalize invasions of privacy by the press.
1994 U.S. President Clinton and Russian President Boris Yeltsin 
 signed Kremlin accords to stop aiming missiles at any nation 
 and to dismantle the nuclear arsenal of Ukraine.
1998 Whitewater prosecutors questioned Hillary Rodham Clinton 
 at the White House for 10 minutes about the gathering of 
 FBI background files on past Republican political appointees.
1999 The impeachment trial of U.S. President Clinton began in 
 Washington, DC.
1999 The U.S. proposed the lifting of the U.N. ceilings on the 
 sale of oil in Iraq. The restriction being that the money be 
 used to buy medicine and food for the Iraqi people.
2005 A probe, from the Cassini-Huygens mission, sent back 
 pictures during and after landing on Saturn's moon Titan. 
 The mission was launched on October 15, 1997.
2014  smiled.


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Set programs for different file types 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, January 13.
Voting works again!
Please vote!


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Kentucky jail breaker, who got so cold, that he asked to be let inside again. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1942 Henry Ford patented the plastic automobile, which allowed for a 30% decrease in car weight. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Only exceptionally rational men can afford to be absurd. --- Allan Goldfein The one function TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were. --- David Brinkley (1920 - 2003)
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

Reverend Smith, a respected church leader, arrived in a large city to deliver a series of speeches. At a banquet the first evening, he noticed some reporters in the audience. Because he wanted to use some of the stories he told that night in his speeches the next day, he asked the reporters to omit them from their articles. One article that came out the next day, written by a cub reporter, concluded with this line: "Reverend Smith also told a number of stories that cannot be printed."
The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if we're at the right funeral."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robert Vick, 42, Lexington, Kentucky Kentucky jail breaker, who got so cold, that he asked to be let inside again. Robert Vick, a 42-year-old inmate who escaped from Blackburn Correctional Complex in Lexington, turned himself back in less than 48 hours later when he decided jail was better than freezing to death. According to police, Vick escaped from a minimum security facility in Lexington Sunday, however, the plan quickly backfired when he encountered an unexpected dose of cold weather. Local wind chill temperatures were 20 degrees below zero Monday in Lexington, according to weather reports. Vick would have been dressed in prison issued khaki pants, a hirt and a jacket, according to Department of Correction spokesperson, Lisa Lamb. As temperatures dropped between Sunday and Tuesday morning, Vick reportedly walked into a motel and asked the clerk to call police. He reportedly told the clerk that he wanted to turn himself in because it was too cold outside. Arriving officers called in paramedics to check Vick out before he was returned to Blackburn, said Lexington police spokesperson Sherelle Roberts "This was definitely of his own volition," said Roberts. " It's cold out there, too cold to run around. I can understand why the suspect would turn himself in. Vick was serving a six-year sentence for burglary and criminal possession of a forged instrument when he escaped. Tech Support Pits From: Joy Re: Set file types Dear Webby, Sometimes I can't open picture attachments in email. The message I get is,"This file does not have a program associated with it for performing this action. Create an association in the Folders Options Control Panel. I don't really know what to do after opening the Folder Options folder. Can you help me? Thanks, Joy Dear Joy Right-Click on START select EXPLORE Click on TOOLS FOLDER OPTIONS FILE TYPES Scroll down to the file type that you need a program for, highlight it click on advanced, and select a suitable program for it. For GIF, JPG, PNG, BMP select PaintShop Pro or whatever you use for graphics. For PDF use Foxit or Adobe Acrobat, for PPT use Microsoft PowerPoint viewer. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Strain Sugar from Cereal When you get to the end of the cereal box or bag, you'll see sugar or tiny particles that you don't want to eat. Take a strainer and dump the cereal into the strainer and shake around. The small parts and sugar will fall into the sink or garbage can. By lnygaard Poking some small holes into the bottom of the bag or box works quite well too. That way, if you ar not as far down the box as you thought, you don't have to try getting it back in there. Even easier is buying un-sugared cereal and adding whatever sweetener you are in the mood for in the amounts you want right on the plate, for example dark Demarara sugar. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Isaac guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. His friend Morris said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles." "Yes, that she did," he replied. "But where in the world was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "Macho", and went out walking with one of the hired hands. Walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation: "Say, look at that big bunch of buffalos." The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch' but 'herd'." "Heard what?" "Herd of buffalos." "Sure, I've heard of buffalos. There's a big bunch of 'em right over there." "Yep. You can go ride one of them for the afternoon."
The Easterner had always dreamed of owning his own cattle ranch, and finally made enough money to buy his dream spread in Wyoming. "So, what did you name the ranch?" asked his best friend when he flew out to visit "We had a heck of a time," admitted the new cowboy."Couldn't agree on anything. We finally settled on the Double R Lazy L Triple Horseshoe Bar-7 Lucky Diamond Ranch." "Wow!" his friend was impressed. "So where are all the cows?" "When they saw that branding iron, they all ran away."

» Critter Chatter

Today, January 13, in
1128 Pope Honorius II granted a papal sanction to the military 
 order known as the Knights Templar. He declared it to be an 
 army of God.
1854 Anthony Faas of Philadelphia, PA, patented the accordion.
1898 Emile Zola's "J'accuse" was published in Paris.
1900 In Austria-Hungary, Emperor Franz Joseph decreed that 
 German would be the language of the imperial army to combat 
 Czech nationalism.
1906 Hugh Gernsback, of the Electro Importing Company, 
 advertised radio receivers for sale for the price of just 
 $7.50 in "Scientific American" magazine.
1928 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson gave the first public 
 demonstration of television.
1942 Henry Ford patented the plastic automobile, which 
 allowed for a 30% decrease in car weight.
1982 An Air Florida 737 crashed into the capital's 14th 
 Street Bridge after takeoff and fell into the Potomac River. 
 78 people were killed.
1984 Wayne Gretzky extended his NHL consecutive scoring 
 streak to 45 games.
1992 Japan apologized for forcing tens of thousands of Korean 
 women to serve as sex slaves for Japanese soldiers during WQII.
1998 ABC and ESPN negotiated to keep "Monday Night Football" 
 for $1.15 billion a season.
1998 One of the 110 missing episodes of the British TV show 
 "Doctor Who" was found in New Zealand.
2002 Japan and Singapore signed a free trade pact
2002 U.S. President George W. Bush fainted after choking 
 on a pretzel.
2009 Ethiopian military forces began pulling out of Somalia, 
 where they had tried to maintain order for nearly two years. 
2014  smiled.


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Good results with Crap Cleaner 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, January 12.
Voting works again!
Please vote!


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Meth dealers dining at classy restaurant jailed after leaving waitress a methamphetamine tip Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1998 Linda Tripp provided Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr's office with taped conversations between herself and former White House intern Monica Lewinsky. Today we had a nice and rambunctious Chinook. My wind chimes were gonging like crazy, and one of them tore loose and took off. It sure was funny watching plastic lawn chairs scooting along on the crusty snow. For a while there were dry leaves getting blown along by the storm. They were definitely not from Alberta, where all leaves are covered by a foot or more of snow. They must have come across the Rockies from BC. When I saw a downed wheelie-bin sailing along on the street I went to check on mine, It was OK, down, but firmly wedged between the back steps and the garage. It sure was funny, though, to see a wheelie bin sailing along at slightly over the speed limit. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) There is nothing more dreadful than imagination without taste. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

>From Roland Do you have one in your files about this mother visiting her son and was concerned about them sleeping together so she hid the soup spoon under the girl friends pillow. Something like that. Yes, I found it. Here it is: HAVING MOM OVER FOR DINNER You don't even have to be a mother to enjoy this one. Bryan invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Bryan's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Bryan's roommate, Jessica, was. Bryan's mother had long been suspicious of a relationship between Bryan and Jessica, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two react, Mother started to wonder if there was more between Bryan and Jessica than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Bryan volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jessica and I are just roommates." About a week later, Jessica came to Bryan saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Bryan said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: Dear Mother: I'm not saying that you "did" take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you "did not" take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Bryan Several days later, Bryan received an email from his mother that read: Dear Son: I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Jessica, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Jessica. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom
Andy was reading the paper while his son was doing homework on the opposite side of the table. "Dad", his son asked, "how many people work in the Government?" Without looking up, Andy responded: "Oh, about a quarter of them."
Thanks to Terry for sending this picture, that she took in October: Click on the picture for the large versi"> Click on the picture for the large version Outdoor exercise machines in Black Diamond, AB I think it was around -25 that day, Guess who that is!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ryan Bensen, 40, and Erica Manley, 37, in Seaside, Oregon Meth dealers Dining At Classy Restaurant Jailed After Leaving Waitress A Methamphetamine Tip Ryan Bensen, 40, and Erica Manley, 37, were jailed Thursday night after they allegedly left crystal meth as a tip while dining out. According to Seaside Police, Bensen and Manley were having dinner and drinks at the Twisted Fish Steakhouse Thursday night when stupidity became the guest of honor. When it came time to settle the bill, the couple used a gift card to pay the balance due. Instead of offering the waitress a cash tip, the couple handed her an envelope that had a question mark scribbled on the front. Inside the envelope, the waitress found an undisclosed amount of crystal meth. The waitress then calmly walked away from the table and contacted police. Investigators say Bensen and Manley were still at the restaurant when officers arrived at the scene. Upon search of Manley's purse, officers recovered a half-kilo of meth. Police later searched the couple's car and the motel room and recovered a large cache of crystal meth. Officers also found materials inside the motel room used for manufacturing methamphetamine. Bensen was booked into jail and charged with manufacturing methamphetamine. Manley was booked into jail and charged with possessing, delivering and manufacturing meth. Tech Support Pits From: Dan Re: Crap Cleaner Dear Webby, Thank You for the infomation on crap cleaner. I used it on windows xp where it worked very well But, it was remarkable what it did on my laptop that uses win7 It is like a new computer Thank you. Dan Dear Dan You are most welcome! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Wooden Spoon To Prevent Boil Over When boiling potatoes, noodles, etc on top of stove, place a wooden spoon over top of pan to keep it from boiling over and having to clean up a mess. By mjbretz It doesn't have to be a wooden spoon. A stick works fine when cooking on a camp fire. Metal works too. With anything, that requires a rolling boil or when cooking at high altitude, that trick is indispensible! Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
An airliner is coming into land at an airport obscured by fog. Visibility is practically nil, the ILS system is on the blink, so the pilot has to land on wits alone. "Flaps, check," he says to the co-pilot, "Landing Gear, check. Altitude, check. Right, we're going in. Hold on." The plane lands and comes to a screeching, grinding halt; just short of the edge of the runway. "Holy Cow!" exclaims the pilot, "This must be the shortest runway I've ever landed on!" The co-pilot looks left and right and says "Yeah, and about the widest, too..." ------------------------- That reminds me of a landing in Burwash in the Yukon in 71. Burwash is at the end of Kluane Lake, beside Kluane National Park. Very scenic. Also the worlds windiest airport. There was a short dirt taxi-way and parking area between the gravel runway and the occasionally staffed airport building. We used an old Piper Cub to get from there to Tincup Lake, where another guy and me were pretending to be carpenters and built a big fishing lodge without anybody ever catching on that we were learning carpentry as we went. We stayed in tents at Tincup Lake and once a week flew out to Burwash for hot showers and a meal that we did not have to poach, to pick up nails and other supplies, and to flirt at the waitresses. Top speed of the old souped up Cub was about 85 miles per hour when the tank was near empty. This one day the wind was 80, gusting to 90. Just before Burwash our route was near the Alaska Highway. Cars on the highway below sure looked fast whenever we were drifting backwards! When we finally got to the airport, we realized that there was just no way we would be able to taxi from the runway across the wind over to the parking area without getting flipped sideways. Gerry, who was just as crazy as me, hovered over the taxi way like a tethered kite and slowly forced the plane down to the tiedowns. The tiedowns were 55 gallon drums filled with cast iron engine blocks and old batteries. When we were low enough, I climbed out onto the wing to wheel support strut, and while hanging on with one hand and one leg, fished for the rope on the first barrel. After a few tries I got hold of it and cinched down the left wing. With the engine still running at full blast, I clambered over to the other side, being careful not to touch the ground and taking any weight off the little plane, and finally tied down that side, just before we ran out fuel. After climbing out, Gerry tied the stick to the seat, -yes, the front had a real seat, not just a cooler-, so that the wind forced the tail down. Then we carried a couple of 10 gallon drums filled with concrete and chains over to the tail to tie it down. It's amazing how fast you can run while carrying those drums, when you are in a hurry and you have an 80 mile per hour wind at your back! The waitresses in Burwash didn't want us to fly back that night and managed to persuade us to spend the night. By morning the wind had slowed down considerably, but we didn't need the real runway. The width of the taxi strip was plenty.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

An airliner is coming into land at an airport obscured by fog. Visibility is practically nil, the ILS system is on the blink, so the pilot has to land on wits alone. "Flaps, check," he says to the co-pilot, "Landing Gear, check. Altitude, check. Right, we're going in. Hold on." The plane lands and comes to a screeching, grinding halt; just short of the edge of the runway. "Holy Cow!" exclaims the pilot, "This must be the shortest runway I've ever landed on!" The co-pilot looks left and right and says "Yeah, and about the widest, too..." ------------------------- That reminds me of a landing in Burwash in the Yukon in 71. Burwash is at the end of Kluane Lake, beside Kluane National Park. Very scenic. Also the worlds windiest airport. There was a short dirt taxi-way and parking area between the gravel runway and the occasionally staffed airport building. We used an old Piper Cub to get from there to Tincup Lake, where another guy and me were pretending to be carpenters and built a big fishing lodge without anybody ever catching on that we were learning carpentry as we went. We stayed in tents at Tincup Lake and once a week flew out to Burwash for hot showers and a meal that we did not have to poach, to pick up nails and other supplies, and to flirt at the waitresses. Top speed of the old souped up Cub was about 85 miles per hour when the tank was near empty. This one day the wind was 80, gusting to 90. Just before Burwash our route was near the Alaska Highway. Cars on the highway below sure looked fast whenever we were drifting backwards! When we finally got to the airport, we realized that there was just no way we would be able to taxi from the runway across the wind over to the parking area without getting flipped sideways. Gerry, who was just as crazy as me, hovered over the taxi way like a tethered kite and slowly forced the plane down to the tiedowns. The tiedowns were 55 gallon drums filled with cast iron engine blocks and old batteries. When we were low enough, I climbed out onto the wing to wheel support strut, and while hanging on with one hand and one leg, fished for the rope on the first barrel. After a few tries I got hold of it and cinched down the left wing. With the engine still running at full blast, I clambered over to the other side, being careful not to touch the ground and taking any weight off the little plane, and finally tied down that side, just before we ran out fuel. After climbing out, Gerry tied the stick to the seat, -yes, the front had a real seat, not just a cooler-, so that the wind forced the tail down. Then we carried a couple of 10 gallon drums filled with concrete and chains over to the tail to tie it down. It's amazing how fast you can run while carrying those drums, when you are in a hurry and you have an 80 mile per hour wind at your back! The waitresses in Burwash didn't want us to fly back that night and managed to persuade us to spend the night. By morning the wind had slowed down considerably, but we didn't need the real runway. The width of the taxi strip was plenty.
A group of friends who prided themselves on their intelligence set out to have a contest of wits. Each person in turn asked a question, and anyone who volunteered an answer that was wrong dropped out. If no one could answer,the questioner himself had to answer, and if he was wrong,he dropped out. Each dropout had to put $5 into the pot. Eventually the matter boiled down to Thompson and Brown, and the erudition of each one boiled up so that both were held even for half an hour. Finally Thompson said, "How does a gopher dig a hole without leaving a mound of sand at the lip?" Brown thought about that and said, "I can't answer that. However, since it's your question, you had better answer it." Thompson said coolly, as he reached for the accumulated pile of bills. "Easy. The gopher starts at the bottom of the hole and that's where he leaves the sand." "Hold on," said Brown heatedly, grasping Thompson's wrist to prevent him from taking the pot. "How does the gopher get to the bottom of the hole in the first place?" "That's YOUR question," said Thompson as he took the money.

» Frozen Bubles

Today, January 11, in
49 BC Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon River signaling a 
 war between Rome and Gaul.
1519 Holy Roman Emperor Maximilian I died.
1866 The Royal Aeronautical Society was founded in London.
1875 Kwang-su was made emperor of China.
1882 Thomas Edison's central station on Holborn Viaduct 
 in London began operation.
1896 At Davidson College, several students took x-ray 
 photographs. They created the first X-ray photographs 
 to be made in America.
1908 A wireless message was sent long-distance for the first 
 time from the Eiffel Tower in Paris.
1915 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a proposal 
 to give women the right to vote.
1915 The U.S. Congress established the Rocky Mountain National Park.
1932 Hattie W. Caraway became the first woman elected to the 
 U.S. Senate.
1938 Austria recognized the Franco government in Spain.
1940 Soviet bombers raided cities in Finland.
1943 The Office of Price Administration announced that standard 
 Frankfurters/hot dogs/Wieners would be replaced by 
 'Victory Sausages.'
1945 During World War II, Soviet forces began a huge offensive 
 against the Germans in Eastern Europe.
1948 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that states could not discriminate 
 against law-school applicants because of race.
1964 Leftist rebels in Zanzibar began their successful revolt 
 against the government and a republic was proclaimed.
1966 U.S. President Johnson said in his State of the Union 
 address that the United States should stay in South Vietnam 
 until Communist aggression there was ended.
1970 The breakaway state of Biafra capitulated and the 
 Nigerian civil war came to an end.
1971 "All In the Family" debuted on CBS-TV.
1991 The U.S. Congress passed a resolution authorizing 
 President Bush to use military power to force Iraq out 
 of Kuwait.
1998 Tyson Foods Inc. pled guilty to giving $12,000 to 
 former Agriculture Secretary Mike Espy. Tyson was fined 
 $6 million.
1998 19 European nations agreed to prohibit human cloning.
1998 Linda Tripp provided Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr's 
 office with taped conversations between herself and former 
 White House intern Monica Lewinsky.
2000 The U.S. Supreme Court, in a 5-4 ruling, gave police 
 broad authority to stop and question people who run at 
 the sight of an officer.
2005 NASA launched "Deep Impact". The spacecraft was planned 
 to impact on Comet Tempel 1 after a six-month, 268 million
 -mile journey.
2006 The U.S. Mint began shipping new 5-cent coins to the 12 
 regional Federal Reserve Banks. The coin has an image of 
 Thomas Jefferson taken from a 1800 Rembrandt Peale portrait 
 in which the president is looking forward. Since 1909, when 
 presidents were first depicted on circulating coins, all 
 presidents had been shown in profile.
2014  smiled.


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Lost Files 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, January 11.
Voting works again!
Please vote!


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Indiana man who was jailed after trooper on routine traffic stop finds nearly 50 bombs. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1922 At Toronto General Hospital, Leonard Thompson became the first person to be successfully treated with insulin. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. --- Ann Landers He who speaks without modesty will find it difficult to make his words good. --- Confucius
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

>From Roland The couple was delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them that there was a wonderful Russian baby boy available. The couple accepted him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?" The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby. In a year or so, when he begins to talk, we want to be able to understand him."
The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work: "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two."The husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his wife said: "Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world." But then she said: "I'm glad that you feel this way about my mother moving in with us tomorrow morning ."
Thanks to Nanarina for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Frost Flower
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andrew Boguslawski, an Indiana man who was jailed after trooper on routine traffic stop finds nearly 50 bombs. Andrew Boguslawski, a 43-year-old Indiana man, was jailed New Year's Day after police found nearly 50 bombs and a remote detonating device in his vehicle during a routine traffic stop for speeding. According to Ohio State Police, Boguslawski was traveling 85 mph in a 70-mph section of Interstate 70 Wednesday when Troopers pulled him over for speeding. When the Trooper approached the window, Boguslawski stated that he had no weapons or other unlawful materials in his vehicle. However, the officer saw the handle of a gun between Boguslawski's legs when he returned to the car with a ticket. The officer then held Boguslawski at gun point while waiting for backup to arrive. Officers later recovered 48 explosive devices, a remote detonating system, additional bomb making materials, two pistols and two rifles from Boguslawski's vehicle. Investigators are working to determine why Boguslawski had so many explosives and what he intended to do with them in Ohio. He was booked into jail and charged with illegal manufacture or processing of explosives. He remains held in lieu of $1 million bond. Tech Support Pits From: Rita Re: Lost files Dear Webby, Hello! I need to ask you a question about my Documents settings.I went to click on my Documents this morning and got a box with instructions that it was not recognized and to rt click my documents icon then click properties and check path to target location is correct.So I went there and clicked on the default thinking maybe this would help. It only came up as if I had just started it today.I had tons of pics. and all on there that can never be replaced. Could you tell me where I might be able to retrieve the files? I updated IE, but it has never done this before. I don't understand how my documents could just disappear or not work anymore.Never had this problem before. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Love you letters everyday. Thank you. Rita in Texas Dear Rita IE is bad news, but I don't think it is the cause of this particular problem. Probably the cat batted the mouse around and drug the files elsewhere. Or an errant elbow. Click on START Search and search for *.jpg That will find all the JPG files, and let you drag them back to where you used to have them, or to a more appropriate location. The same trick works with .gif, mp3, doc, docx, and whatever files you are looking for. You will soon find out where they got drug to. Chances are they are all at the same place. This is a chance for you to drag them all to a more convenient location than the rather klutzy default. I put them onto the external USB drive into the !! folder. "!!" is always right near the top and really easy to find. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cooking Pasta or Rice in the Microwave When we got our first microwave, we were without a stove so I learned to cook in the microwave. For any type of pasta or rice: Put in a microwave safe bowl. Add twice as much water or other liquid as there is of the pasta. Microwave on high. 15 minutes for noodles or small pasta. 20-25 minutes for macaroni or thicker pasta. 30 minutes for rice. IMPORTANT, stir well after the first 5 minutes. This keeps the pasta from clumping together. Rice doesn't need to be stirred. Drain and use. Since microwaves vary in their cooking, check 5 minutes before time. You can use stock, tomatoes in juice, et cetera for liquid. When cooking rice, cover and let set for 5-7 minutes and it will soak up the liquid and will be nice and fluffy. Source: Experience By Nightsong If you add a bit of salt and butter and boiling hot liquid 5 minutes earlier, you can drastically reduce cooking time and energy use. Keep in mind, on HIGH the Microwave uses just as much power as the big burner on a stove. KD and generic copies, which often seems to be from WWII, or maybe the pyramids, to save on shipping costs and warehouse space, really benefit from a hot pre-soak. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do? His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home- cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone. "I was totally humiliated," he moaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes." "What's wrong with that?" asked his mother. "I think it's a wonderful gesture." "We hadn't started eating yet."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A telephone repairman was working late in a big office building and became lost. After a long search of the rambling first floor to find an exit, he spotted a woman at the end of a corridor. "Excuse me, can you tell me how do I get outside?" he asked. "Dial 9," she replied.
Dentist to Patient: "Would you help me out? I'd like you to give a few of your loudest screams?" Patient: "Why, Doc? I didn't feel a thing!" Dentist: "I know, but there are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the five o'clock foot- ball game."

» Thimnbles Clubs

Today, January 11, in
1569 England's first state lottery was held.
1770 The first shipment of rhubarb was sent to the US
 from London.
1815 U.S. General Andrew Jackson achieved victory at the 
 Battle of New Orleans. The War of 1812 had officially ended 
 on December 24, 1814, with the signing of the Treaty of 
 Ghent. The news of the signing had not reached British 
 troops in time to prevent their attack on New Orleans.
1861 Alabama seceded from the United States.
1867 Benito Juarez returned to the Mexican presidency, 
 following the withdrawal of French troops and the 
 execution of Emperor Maximilian.
1878 In New York, milk was delivered in glass bottles for 
 the first time by Alexander Campbell.
1902 "Popular Mechanics" magazine was published for the first time.
1913 The first sedan-type car was unveiled at the National 
 Automobile Show in New York City. The car was manufactured 
 by the Hudson Motor Company.
1922 At Toronto General Hospital, Leonard Thompson became the 
 first person to be successfully treated with insulin.
1935 Amelia Earhart Putnam became the first woman to fly solo 
 from Hawaii to California.
1942 Japan declared war against the Netherlands. The same day, 
 Japanese forces invaded the Dutch East Indies.
1943 The United States and Britain signed treaties relinquishing 
 extraterritorial rights in China.
1977 France released Abu Daoud, a Palestinian suspected of 
 involvement in the massacre of Israeli athletes at the 1972 
 Munich Olympics.
1978 Two Soviet cosmonauts aboard the Soyuz 27 capsule linked 
 up with the Salyut 6 orbiting space station, where the Soyuz 
 26 capsule was already docked.
1988 U.S. Vice President George Bush met with representatives 
 of independent counsel Lawrence E. Walsh to answer questions 
 about the Iran-Contra affair.
1991 An auction of silver and paintings that had been acquired 
 by the late Ferdinand Marcos and his wife, Imelda, brought 
 in a total of $20.29 million at Christie's in New York.
2014  smiled.


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Where to get Crap Cleaner? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, January 10.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!





Today's International Bonehead Award goes to 3 crooks who got jailed for Robbing Woman As She Lay Dying Of Brain Aneurysm Details at International Bonehead Awards Today, in 2002 In France, the "Official Journal" reported that all women could get the morning-after contraception pill for free in pharmacies. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses." --- Victor Hugo "When you're a professional, you come back no matter what happened the day before." --- Billy Martin "By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." --- Socrates
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>From Roland HE MUST PAY! Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you." Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.”
>From Roland: A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC: THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC, PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRISOME IN RECENT YEARS. 45% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. That's scary. It means 55% are running around untreated. ------- If Ruth reads this, you are in trouble, Roland!
Thanks to Cookie for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version California Wine Country
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Daquantrius Shaquill Johnson, Quanique Dontrell Thomas-Hameen, Keith Byron Heckels Jr., all 19, in Wichita, Kansas Three crooks got jailed for Robbing a Woman As She Lay Dying Of Brain Aneurysm Danielle Zimmerman and family Three heartless thugs have been arrested after they allegedly robbed a woman as she lay dying of a brain aneurysm while picking up dinner for her family at a Wichita Taco Bell restaurant. According to police, 43-year-old Danielle Zimmerman suffered a brain aneurysm as she was traveling through a Taco Bell drive-thru lane on the evening of Dec. 29. Zimmerman was later taken to a local hospital where she died the next day. Paramedics and police were dispatched to the scene after customers at the restaurant realized that something was wrong, rushed to Zimmerman's aid and called 911. But in the short time before Zimmerman received help, the three goons you see above allegedly paid her a visit first. Investigators say at least three suspects robbed Zimmerman as she lay dying in her car. The thieves reportedly made off with Zimmerman's wedding ring, purse, cell phone and credit cards. On Friday, Daquantrius Shaquill Johnson (left) and Quanique Dontrell Thomas-Hameen (center) were arrested after investigators received a tip through the Crime Stoppers hotline. Both suspects are 19 years old. Both suspects had been charged and convicted of burglary in the past. A third suspect, 19-year-old Keith Byron Heckels Jr., (right) was arrested when he turned himself in for an unrelated probation violation. Johnson was booked into jail and charged with robbery, criminal possession of a firearm and probation violation. He remains held in lieu of $315,000 bond. Thomas-Hameen was booked into jail and charged with robbery, failure to appear and driving while suspended. He remains held in lieu of $200,500 bond. Heckels was booked into jail and charged with robbery and probation violation. Bail has not been announced in his case. -------- I know all about brain aneurisms. My mother died of one at the same age as Danielle. I had one at age 38 and another one at 44. In my case, I was med-evaced from the Yukon to Vancouver, BC, where they sawed my head open and fixed the busted blood vessel in the brain. My heartfelt condolences go to Kris Zimmerman and sons, and I hope those crooks get tuned up and clued in in jail! Tech Support Pits From: john Re: Crap Cleaner Dear Webby, I have seen you mention crap cleaner. I went on google and found several possible downloads. I was hoping you could tell me witch is the one you recommend. Some of these type of programs create more problems that they solve. thank you john Hi John Just go to my tool box at http://webby.com/tools and grab it from there. That way you get the legitimate one, with the fewest ads trying to sidetrack you while getting to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dry Out Paint Before Adding To Trash I open the cans and let the paint dry out and dispose of in the trash. I haven't needed to do this in Ocean City, so I am not sure of their legal disposal rules, which is probably the best place to start. Make sure you're "green"! By looneylulu from Ocean City, MD The reaspn for drying out paint cans is so that they don't spill and glue a big garbage bag onto the bottom of your wheelie bin or trash can. That can turn into a very smelly problem. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Irene While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom. With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," I said, thinking of a quick solution. "I'll put down newspapers." "It's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already potty trained."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should brew the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages that it indeed says: "HEBREWS"
A one dollar bill met a twenty dollar bill in the cash reg- ister of a local grocery store. "Hey, where have you been? I haven't seen you around here!" The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship. I just got back to the States recently, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?" The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff - church, church, church..." Confused the twenty replied: "What's a church?"

» Thimnbles Clubs

Today, January 10, in
1840 The penny post, whereby mail was delivered at a standard 
 charge rather than paid for by the recipient, began in 
 Britain.
1861 Florida seceded from the United States.
1863 Prime Minister Gladstone opened the first section of 
 the London Underground Railway system, from Paddington 
 to Farringdon Street.
1870 John D. Rockefeller incorporated Standard Oil.
1901 Oil was discovered at the Spindletop oil field near 
 Beaumont, TX.
1911 Major Jimmie Erickson took the first photograph from 
 an airplane while flying over San Diego, CA.
1920 The League of Nations ratified the Treaty of Versailles, 
 officially ending World War I with Germany.
1928 The Soviet Union ordered the exile of Leon Trotsky.
1949 Vinyl records were introduced by RCA (45 rpm) and 
 Columbia (33.3 rpm).
1978 The Soviet Union launched two cosmonauts aboard a Soyuz 
 capsule for a redezvous with the Salyut VI space laboratory.
1981 In El Salvador, Marxist insurgents launched a 
 "final offensive".
1984 The United States and the Vatican established full 
 diplomatic relations for the first time in more than a 
 century.
1990 Chinese Premier Li Peng ended martial law in Beijing 
 after seven months. He said that crushing pro-democracy 
 protests had saved China from "the abyss of misery."
1990 Time Inc. and Warner Communications Inc. completed a 
 $14 billion merger. The new company, Time Warner, was the 
 world's largest entertainment company.
1994 In Manassas, VA, Lorena Bobbitt went on trial. She 
 had been charged with maliciously wounding her husband John. 
 She was acquitted by reason of temporary insanity.
2000 It was announced that Time-Warner had agreed to buy 
 America On-line (AOL). It was the largest-ever corporate 
 merger priced at $162 billion. The Federal Trade Commission 
 (FTC) approved the deal on December 14, 2000.
2001 American Airlines agreed to acquire most of Trans World 
 Airlines (TWA) assets for about $500 million. The deal 
 brought an end to the financially troubled TWA.
2002 In France, the "Official Journal" reported that all 
 women could get the morning-after contraception pill for 
 free in pharmacies.
2003 North Korea announced that it was withdrawing from the 
 global nuclear arms control treaty and that it had no 
 plans to develop nuclear weapons.
2007 The iTunes Music Store reached 1.3 million feature 
 length films sold and 50 million television episodes sold. 
2014  smiled.


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How to get rid of AOL flags >>> 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, January 9.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Oregon Spousal Abuser, who was Busted While Wearing A "She's Kind Of A Slut" T-Shirt Details at International Bonehead Awards From the history part at the bottom: Today in 1902 New York State introduced a bill to outlaw flirting in public. Have FUN! DearWebby
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"I have never understood why it is "greed" to want to keep the money you've earned, but not greed to want to take somebody else's money." --- Thomas Sowell
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist.

Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them yelled, "Ma'am, STOP! You knocked out your cat with the first slam. If you are going to keep doing that, you are going to get some very expensive vet bills!"
Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm, and Little Johnny asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?" His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny." Johnny said, "Well I can see why they threw HIM out!"
Click on the picture for the large version Canola In China
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Wolfer, 23, Hermiston, Oregon Spousal Abuser Busted While Wearing A "She's Kind Of A Slut" T-Shirt The 23-year-old Oregon man was arrested early Saturday morning for allegedly punching and choking his wife during an argument in front of their three children, according to a Hermiston Police Department summary. Wolfer was booked into the Umatilla County Jail for felony domestic violence and strangulation, a misdemeanor. He is locked up in lieu of $11,000 bond. Perhaps Wolfer’s spouse will wear an “I’m Not With Stupid” shirt at his next court appearance. Tech Support Pits From: Doug Re: AOL Flag Dear Webby, I have never heard anybody calling those chevron forwarding marks "AOL Flag", but I sure will from now on! Once upon a time, long, long ago, you mentioned a program that strips those AOL flags from mails. Do you still have the link to that program? Thanks Doug Dear Doug Just go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools and look for a n icon that looks like a traffic sign with an AOL flag on it. The Program is called "STRIP". and it's free, really free, without any sleazy tool bars or browser helpers or hijackers. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Rub Zippers with Candle Wax You can fix a stuck zipper by running a candle up and down on the teeth of the zipper. You should then be able to slide it the back and forth easier. By Gerique from Cleveland, Ohio Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka had accidentally been served to a luncheon meeting of local ministers, the restaurant's owner waited nervously for the clerics' reaction. "Quick, man," he whispered to the waiter, "what did they say?" "Nothing," replied the waiter. "They were all too busy slipping the seeds into their pockets."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. Hilda was like that. So when she and her new husband husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Easy! Just carry your own suitcase."
A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz, the historic prison island. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally, they reached the ticket window. "Five tickets, please," the father said. "Two round trip, three one way."

» Snow Flukes

Today, January 9, in
1793 Jean-Pierre Blanchard made the first successful balloon 
 flight in the U.S.
1799 British Prime Minister William Pitt the Younger 
 introduced income tax, at two shillings (10p) in the pound, 
 to raise funds for the Napoleonic Wars.
1861 The state of Mississippi seceded from the United States.
1894 The New England Telephone and Telegraph Company put the 
 first battery-operated switchboard into operation in 
 Lexington, MA.
1902 New York State introduced a bill to outlaw flirting 
in public.
1905 In Russia, the civil disturbances known as the Revolution 
 of 1905 forced Czar Nicholas II to grant some civil rights.
1929 The Seeing Eye was incorporated in Nashville, TN. The 
 company's purpose was to train dogs to guide the blind.
1936 The United States Army adopted the semi-automatic rifle.
1969 The supersonic aeroplane Concorde made its first trial 
 flight, at Bristol.
1972 The ocean liner Queen Elizabeth was destroyed by fire 
 in Hong Kong harbor.
1972 British miners went on strike for the first time since 1926.
1986 Kodak got out of the instant camera business after 10 
 years due to a loss in a court battle that claimed that 
 Kodak copied Polaroid patents.
1995 Russian cosmonaut Valeri Poliakov, 51, completed his 
 366th day in outer space aboard the Mir space station, 
 breaking the record for the longest continuous time 
 spent in outer space.
2002 The U.S. Justice Department announced that it was 
 pursuing a criminal investigation of Enron Corp. The 
 company had filed for bankruptcy on December 2, 2001.
2003 Archaeologists announced that they had found five 
 more chambers in the tomb of Qin Shihuang, China's first 
 emperor. The rooms were believed to cover about 750,000 
 square feet. 
2014  smiled.


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Fix IE Window size 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, January 8.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a A New York woman, who was Jailed After Starving Baby Son To Death, Nearly Starving Daughter To Death Details at International Bonehead Awards Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
When I'm working on a problem, I never think about beauty. I think only how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong. --- R. Buckminster Fuller (1895 - 1983)
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist.

During a county-wide drive to round up all unlicensed dogs, a patrolman signaled a car to pull over to the curb. When the driver asked why he had been stopped, the officer pointed to the big dog sitting on the seat beside him. "Does your dog have a license?" he asked. "Oh, no," the man said, "He doesn't need one; I usually do the driving."
A man meets a guru in the road. The man asks the guru, "Which way is success?" The berobed, bearded sage speaks not, but points to a place off in the distance. The man, thrilled by the prospect of quick and easy success, rushes off in the appropriate direction. Suddenly, there comes a loud "SPLAT." Eventually, the man limps back, tattered and stunned, assuming he must have misinterpreted the message. He repeats his question to the guru, who again points silently in the same direction. The man obediently walks off once more. This time the splat is deafening, and when the man crawls back, he is bloody, broken, tattered, and irate. "I asked you which way is success," he screams at the guru. "I followed the direction you indicated. And all I got was splatted! No more of this pointing! Talk!" Only then does the guru speak, and what he says is this: "Success IS that way. Just a little PAST splat."
Click on the picture for the large version Learn to land over there ====>
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Louisa Givens, 21, Ronkonkoma, NY Jailed After Starving Baby Son To Death, Nearly Starved Daughter To Death Louisa Givens, a 21-year-old New York woman, has been indicted after she allegedly starved her 10-month-old son to death. According to Suffolk County prosecutors, Givens' indictment came after she was originally arrested on charges seven months ago. Police say Givens called 911 on May 19th to report that she found her son, Kayden Givens, unresponsive and not breathing. The boy was rushed to Brookhaven Memorial Hospital where he was pronounced dead. Kayden's older sister, 2-year-old Ava Johnson, was also found to be suffering from malnutrition and dehydration. She was taken to Stony Brook University Hospital where she required nine days of treatment. An investigation into the death revealed that Givens had left the child unattended for at least 17 hours prior to her 911 call. An autopsy and months of toxicology tests revealed that the boy died from malnutrition and dehydration. Givens was booked into jail and charged with second-degree manslaughter, reckless endangerment and endangering the welfare of a child. Givens remains held in lieu of a half-million dollar bond. Tech Support Pits From: David Re: Full Size Browser default Dear Webby, I've got a stupid question for you. It used to be, when I clicked on a link that opened a new page, it would come up as a full new page. Now when I click the link, I get a half page. I used to know how to change this but I haven't had to do it for so long that I've forgotten. A little help please. How do I change the size of a new page? David Dear David Viewing pages full size has gone out of fashion, because you don't see what might be opening behind it. Also, with the higher resolutions commonly used nowadays, you can comfortably have two pages open side by side if you squish them a bit. F11 toggles a window to full screen and back. To set full screen as the default, even though Microsoft has decided it is a dumb idea and refuses to tell you how to do it, follow this top secret rigmarole: Close all browser windows but one. Open a new window from a link on the remaining window. Close the old window (not the new one that just opened up). Adjust the window to be the size you want all the new windows to be (you cannot use the maximize button for this, you have to actually squish or stretch the size of the window to be what you want the windows to automatically open up as). Hold down the CTRL key while closing the window. From now on, all your new windows should open up to that size until perform a similar process telling IE that you want all new windows to be the new size. Most likely what occurred is that you manually sized a window to that size, closed it, and IE remembered that as your preferred window size. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easing Leg Cramps My legs tend to cramp at night. I tried elevating on a pillow but I always lost it at night. So I started putting my heavier reading pillow, the kind that fits behind you and props you up, under my legs at night. I never lose my pillow, and it has really helped with the leg cramp. By ann from Climax, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
John and Bob were two of the bitterest golf rivals at the club. Neither man trusted the others arithmetic. One day they were playing a heated match and watching each other like hawks. After holing out on the fourth green and marking his six on the scorecard, John asked Bob, "What'd you have?" Bob went through the motions of mentally counting up. "Six!" he said and then hastily corrected himself. "No--a five." Calmly John marked the scorecard, saying out loud "Eight!" "Eight?" Bob said, "I couldn't have had eight." John said, "Nope, you claimed six, then changed it to five. But actually you had seven." "Then why did you mark down eight?" asked Bob. John told him, "One stroke penalty, for improving your LIE."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Working as a computer instructor for an adult-education program at a community college, I am keenly aware of the gap in computer knowledge between my younger and older students. My observations were confirmed the day a new student walked into our library area and glanced at the encyclopedia volumes stacked on a bookshelf. "What are all these books?" he asked. Somewhat surprised, I replied that they were encyclopedias. "Really?" he said. "Someone printed out the whole CD?"
An irritated father complained to his buddy. "When I was a kid, my parents sent me to my room without supper if I misbehaved. But my son has his own color TV, telephone, computer, every computer game and CD player in his room!" "So how do you handle it?" his friend asked. "I send him to MY room!"

» Corkscrews

Today, January 8, in
1642 Astronomer Galileo Galilei died in Arcetri, Italy.
1675 The first corporation was charted in the United States. 
 The company was the New York Fishing Company.
1815 The Battle of New Orleans began. The War of 1812 had 
 officially ended on December 24, 1814, with the signing of 
 the Treaty of Ghent. The news of the signing had not reached 
 British troops in time to prevent their attack on New Orleans.
1838 Alfred Vail demonstrated a telegraph code he had devised 
 using dots and dashes as letters. The code was the predecessor 
 to Samuel Morse's code.
1856 Borax (hydrated sodium borate) was discovered by Dr. 
 John Veatch.
1877 Crazy Horse (Tashunca-uitco) and his warriors fought 
 their final battle against the U.S. Cavalry in Montana.
1886 The Severn Railway Tunnel, Britain's longest, was opened.
1889 The tabulating machine was patented by Dr. Herman Hollerith. 
 His firm, Tabulating Machine Company, later became 
 International Business Machines Corporation (IBM).
1900 U.S. President McKinley placed Alaska under military rule.
1908 A catastrophic train collision occurred in the smoke-filled 
 Park Avenue Tunnel in New York City. Seventeen were killed 
 and thirty-eight were injured. The accident caused a public 
 outcry and increased demand for electric trains.
1935 The spectrophotometer was patented by A.C. Hardy.
1964 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson declared a "War on Poverty."
1973 Secret peace talks between the United States and 
 North Vietnam resumed near Paris, France.
1973 The trial opened in Washington, of seven men accused 
 of bugging Democratic Party headquarters in the Watergate 
 apartment complex in Washington, DC.
1982 American Telephone & Telegraph (AT&T) settled the 
 Justice Department's antitrust lawsuit against it by 
 agreeing to divest itself of the 22 Bell System companies.
1982 The U.S. Justice Department withdrew an antitrust 
 suit against IBM.
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush collapsed during a 
 state dinner in Tokyo. White House officials said Bush was 
 suffering from stomach flu.
1998 Ramzi Yousef was sentenced to life in prison for his 
 role of mastermind behind the World Trade Center bombing 
 in New York.
1998 Scientists announced that they had discovered that 
 galaxies were accelerating and moving apart and at 
 faster speeds.
1999 The top two executives of Salt Lake City's Olympic 
 Organizing Committee resigned amid disclosures that 
 civic boosters had given cash to members of the 
 International Olympic Committee.
2009 In Egypt, archeologists entered a 4,300 year old 
 pyramid and discovered the mummy of Queen Sesheshet. 
2014  smiled.


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How to get rid of the "Conduit" hijacker? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, January 7.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a A California woman, who was arrested for burglaring the home of an ex, murdering the cat and stealing stuff. Details at International Bonehead Awards Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in. --- Bradley's Bromide Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now blue-green meat, THAT'S bad for you! --- Tommy Smothers
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist.

Resume bloopers: "While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility." Try the Salvation Army Thrift Shop. They are always looking for empty shirts. ------------- "I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award." Tell Greg not to apply here either. ------------- "Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job." If somebody calls you after 5:30, it will be a telemarketer. ------------- My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage. Don't call us, we'll call you. ------------- I am very computer laterate both on Apple, Ipad and X-box and can sove most oficce chalenges. Once you beat the computer at Solitaire, try spelling. ------------- Very proficcient at all office procedures as long as I can use a computer and have acess to the net. I already have a facebook account and can upload any kind of file. Don't call before 11 am. Don't worry, we won't call after 11 am either.
The widow lay crying on her psychiatrist's couch. "We were married twenty-five years before he died," she said, dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those years." "Amazing," said the doctor. "How did you do it?" "I outweighed him by sixty pounds and he was a coward."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nellie Marie Palacios, Santa Maria, 43, California A California woman, who was arrested for burglaring the home of an ex, murdering the cat and stealing stuff. Nellie Palacios, a 43-year-old California woman, was jailed Thursday after she broke into an ex-boyfriend's home and stabbed a cat to death. According to the Santa Barbara County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to an Orcutt residence at around 3:30 p.m. Thursday after a man called to report that his ex girlfriend had gone into a home and began removing several paintings from the walls. When deputies arrived at the residence, they detained Palacios at the scene while continuing to investigate why she was at the residence and what had transpired inside the home. Investigators say a search of the property turned up a cat that had been stabbed to death before it was placed inside a doghouse located in the yard. Deputies also recovered a knife from under the doghouse that was covered with blood and cat hair. Further investigation revealed that the house didn't belong to a cousin of her, as she claimed, but instead belonged to Palacios' ex-boyfriend. During questioning, Palacios told deputies that she stabbed the cat in self defense. Several paintings and other items that had been removed from the home were found inside her car. She was booked into the Santa Barbara County jail and charged with burglary and animal cruelty. Her bail has been set at $50,000. Tech Support Pits From: Ron Re: How to get rid of "Conduit" hijacker? Dear Webby, Evidently I was not awake enough when I was installing some freeware on a couple of computers because when I looked at my browsers I had a tool bar for Conduit, so I removed it. However, now every time I restart the computers I get the message “ There was a problem starting C:\users\xxxxxx\AppData\Local\ Conduit\Background container\BackgroundContainer.dll.” I have tried everything in my limited knowledge to cure this problem, so I thought I would come to the expert and see if he has any thoughts. I am unsure of which site the problem occurred, because I was doing many downloads to update the computers. Please help. Thanks, Ron R Dear Ron Here is the information for getting rid of that Conduit infection: http://www.techsupportall.com/how-to-re ... it-search/ Tedious, but not difficult. You just have to be stubborn and wade through it all to the very end. I have a hunch, after that you will be extremely picky about which "freeware" you really need. Stuff like Conduit really give freeware a bad name. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easing Leg Cramps My legs tend to cramp at night. I tried elevating on a pillow but I always lost it at night. So I started putting my heavier reading pillow, the kind that fits behind you and props you up, under my legs at night. I never lose my pillow, and it has really helped with the leg cramp. By ann from Climax, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A missionary discovered a tribe of Indians in the Amazon, who had never recorded a baptism, confirm- ation or marriage. The missionary soon rectified the situation by baptizing and confirming everyone. He also married every couple that walked by and desired such. Later, the tribal chief told the Bishop the tribe had never had so much fun. The bishop asked the chief which part they enjoyed the most. "The marriage service," the chief said, smiling. "We all got new wives!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

This one is a Classic: After just a few years of marriage filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other's throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counsellor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be the problem?" Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. In contrast, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour, describing all the wrongs within their marriage. After 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her waist, kissed her passionately and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat speechless. The marriage counselor looked over at the husband, who stared in disbelief. The counselor said to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!" The husband scratched his head and replied: "I can bring her over on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
One night while I was cat-sitting my daughter's indoor feline, it escaped outside. When it failed to return the following morning, I found the beast clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down, I called the fire department. "We don't do that anymore," the woman dispatcher said. "One guy missed his shot and hit a street light by accident." When I persisted, she was polite but firm. "The cat will come down when it gets hungry enough." How do you know that?" I asked. "Have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?" she said. Two hours later the cat was back, meowing for breakfast.

» Schwerin Castle

Today, January 7, in
1558 Calais, the last English possession on mainland France, 
 was recaptured by the French.
1610 Galileo Galilei sighted four of Jupiter's moons. He 
 named them Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Callisto.
1782 The Bank of North America opened in Philadelphia. It was 
 the first commercial bank in the United States.
1785 French aeronaut/balloonist Jean-Pierre Blanchard 
 successfully made the first air-crossing of the English 
 Channel from the English coast to France.
1789 Americans voted for the electors that would choose 
 George Washington to be the first U.S. president.
1887 Thomas Stevens completed the first worldwide bicycle 
 trip. He started his trip in April 1884. Stevens and his 
 bike traveled 13,500 miles in almost three years time.
1894 W.K. Dickson received a patent for motion picture film.
1896 "Fannie Farmer Cookbook" cookbook was published.
1904 The distress signal "CQD" was established. Two years 
 later "SOS" became the radio distress signal because it 
 was quicker to send by wireless radio.
1927 Transatlantic telephone service Service began between 
 New York and London. 31 calls were made on this first day.
1927 In Hinckley IL, the Harlem Globetrotters played their 
 first game.
1932 Chancellor Heinrich Brüning declared that Germany 
 cannot, and will not, resume reparations payments.
1942 The World War II siege of Bataan began.
1949 The announcement of the first photograph of genes was 
 shown at the University of Southern California, L.A.
1953 U.S. President Harry Truman announced the development 
 of the hydrogen bomb.
1954 The Duoscopic TV receiver was unveiled this day. The 
 TV set allowed the watching of two different shows at the 
 same time.
1959 The United States recognized Fidel Castro's new 
 government in Cuba.
1975 OPEC agreed to raise crude oil prices by 10%, which 
 began a time of world economic inflation.
1979 Vietnamese forces captured the Cambodian capital of 
 Phnom Penh, overthrowing the Khmer Rouge government.
1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter signed legislation that 
 authorized $1.5 billion in loans for the bail out of 
 Chrysler Corp.
1989 Crown Prince Akihito became the emperor of Japan 
 following the death of his father, Emperor Hirohito.
1990 The Leaning Tower of Pisa was closed to the public. 
 The accelerated rate of "leaning" raised fears for the 
 safety of its visitors.
1996 One of the biggest blizzards in U.S. history hit 
 the eastern states. More than 100 deaths were later 
 blamed on the severe weather.
1998 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky signed an 
 affidavit denying that she had an affair with U.S. 
 President Clinton.
1999 U.S. President Clinton went on trial before the Senate. 
 It was only the second time in U.S. history that an 
 impeached president had gone to trial. Clinton was later 
 acquitted of perjury and obstruction of justice charges.
2002 Microsoft Corp. chairman Bill Gates introduced a new 
 device code named Mira. The device was tablet-like and 
 was a cross between a handheld computer and a TV remote 
 control.
2009 Russia shut off all gas supplies to Europe through 
 Ukraine. Prime Minister Vladimir Putin publicly endorsed 
 the move and urged greater international involvement in 
 the energy dispute.
2010 Apple's iPad was unveiled. 
2014  smiled.


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Sonic Activation Module alert 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, January 6.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a A Florida man who was arrested for giving dope, booze, cigarettes to minor, and letting him drive Details at International Bonehead Awards Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; But if you really make them think, they'll hate you. --- Don Marquis (1878 - 1937) A fellow doesn't last long on what he has done. He has to keep on delivering." --- Carl Hubbell
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist.

Thanks to Dianne for this one: A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things. The grandad is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . easy boy." Another outburst and she hears the grandad calmly say : "It's okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy." At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the trolley. Grandad says again in a controlled voice : "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes, stay cool William." Very impressed, she goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says : "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandad." "Thanks," says the grandpa. "But I am William. The little bastard's name is Kevin."
Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at four forty four a.m. by his ringing telephone . . . "Your dog's barking, and it's keeping me awake," said an angry voice. Bernard thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up. The next morning, at precisely four forty four a.m., Bernard called his neighbor back . . . "Good morning, Mr. Williams. I just called to tell you that I don't HAVE a dog."
Thanks to Terry for the picture of a sandpiper she caught at her creek yesterday. Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rusty Douglas Johnson, 41, Rockledge, Floriduh Arrested for giving dope, booze, cigarettes to minor, and letting him drive A Rockledge pair has been arrested after police say they gave a child marijuana, beer and cigarettes and then let the child drive a car, according to police documents. Rockledge Police would not release the name, age or sex of the child, who they say was under the care of the two people they arrested. Rusty Douglas Johnson, 41, and Kim Johnson, 32, were arrested Thursday and booked on charges of child abuse and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Police determined the child was given marijuana during four separate smoke sessions, according to the documents. While it sounds like a custody dispute with a vindictive ex, and the "child" being close to, but not quite 18, the law is very picky about those things. Tech Support Pits From: Wendy Re: Sonic Activation Module alert Hi, Webby. For some reason that I can't fathom I have that silly "Sonic Activation Module" alert popping up once again. Why do I have it? How to get rid of it permanently? And do I need to have computer technician do it? On another front, how can I tell if my computer is Wireless compatible? Thanks for all your help. You're a lifesaver and have saved all of us lots of money. Good work, Wendy Dear Wendy That is due to either an incomplete installation of a Sonic program like Roxio or most DVD reader/writer programs, and many music programs, or an incomplete UNinstallation of one of those programs. The easiest way to fix that is to dig up the CDs, that came with your computer, look for anything related to DVD, sound, music,etc., and has the word Sonic on it somewhere. Then run the installation from that CD again, but don't stop half way through, even if it is rather tedious. The other method is to get the troubleshooter for Windows XP, Windows Vista, and Windows 7: Program Install and Uninstall Troubleshooter That might save you from having to search for the installation CD for that software, but is probably a bit tedious too. The easiest way to tell if your computer is wireless compatible is to contact the vendor, who sold you that machine. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Home made Checkers Board You can make your own checkers game by saving plastic milk bottle caps. You need two different colors, 12 checkers for each player. If all your bottle caps are the same color, color the top of half the caps with permanent marker. Then make a game board using a square piece of card board. Use a ruler to measure and draw squares with a marker. A checker board is 8 by 8 squares of alternating colors, the same as a chess board. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But, if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles. All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice, "Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you..."
Scientists were excited this week at having isolated a brief sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang. Apparently, that sound was "Uh oh!" ------------- The "scientists" in the Antarctic, who believed Al Gore and in fudging figures more than actual instruments, and got stuck in real ice, that was not acting according to their wacky theories, got rescued by a Chinese helicopter ferrying them in small bunches first to the Chinese ice breaker, which is also stuck, and then from there to the Australian ice breaker, which is stuck too. The French ice breaker, that was going to show off it's awesome power, appears to have gotten North and South mixed up and is headed in the wrong direction. The biggest US ice breaker is now headed there, hoping to open a channel for the Australian and the Chinese ice breakers, before the local mid-summer wanes and the weather cools off. If theose ice breakers don't get out before it gets cold, they might be stuck there for years. I find that hilarious!

» Best Folk Songs

Today, January 6, in
0871 England's King Alfred defeated the Danes at the Battle 
 of Ashdown.
1205 Philip of Swabia was crowned as King of the Romans.
1453 Frederick III erected Austria into an Archduchy.
1540 King Henry VIII of England was married to Anne of 
 Cleves, his fourth wife.
1720 The Committee of Inquiry on the South Sea Bubble 
 published its findings.
1838 Samuel Morse publicly demonstrated the telegraph 
 for the first time.
1896 The first American women’s six-day bicycle race was 
 held at Madison Square Garden in New York City.
1900 In India, it was reported that millions of people were 
 dying from starvation.
1900 Off of South Africa, the British seized the German steamer 
 Herzog. The boat was released on January 22, 1900.
1930 The first diesel-engine automobile trip was completed 
 after a run of 792 miles, Indianapolis, to New York City, NY.
1945 The Battle of the Bulge ended with 130,000 German and 
 77,000 Allied casualties.
1950 Britain recognized the Communist government of China.
1967 U.S. and South Vietnamese forces launched a major 
 offensive, known as Operation "Deckhouse V", in the 
 Mekong River delta.
1987 After a 29-year lapse, the Ford Thunderbird was presented 
 with the Motor Trend Car of the Year Award. It was the first 
 occurrence of a repeat winner of the award.
1994 Figure skater Nancy Kerrigan was clubbed on the right leg 
 by an assailant at Cobo Arena in Detroit, MI. Four men were 
 later sentenced to prison for the attack, including Tonya 
 Harding's ex-husband.
1998 The spacecraft Lunar Prospect was launched into orbit 
 around the moon. The craft was crashed into the moon, in an 
 effort to find water under the lunar surface, on July 31, 1999.
2013  smiled.


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