No Hi-Speed over crackly lines
Saturday, June 11, 2011, 08:36 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Saturday, June 11
Yesterday morning, at about the time you read your Humor Letter,
the Saskatoons looked their brightest, to lure bees from as far away
as possible.
Sure looks like a good crop of berries to look forward to!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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Talent develops in quiet places,
character in the full current of human life."
--- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
"Everyone has talent.
What is rare is the courage to follow the talent
into the dark place where it leads."
--- Erica Jong
A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across
the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined,
they decided to go in together to buy a car.
After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the
street between them.
A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest
sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash,
so he hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing.
"I'm blessing it," the priest replied.
The rabbi considered this a moment, then went back inside
the synagogue. He reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw,
walked over to the back of the car and cut off two inches of
the tailpipe.
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on
mental health and was giving a test.
Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked,
"How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth
screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a
chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered,
"A basketball coach?"
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Stuart Feltham, 23, from Swindon, Wiltshire, England
Brit 'flasher' was set on fire by Greek woman
Stuart Feltham, 23, from Swindon, Wiltshire, suffered second
degree burns after 26-year-old student Marina Fanouraki
allegedly splashed Sambuca, a flammable alcoholic drink
at his bare front and set fire to him with a lighter, when he
flashed and groped her.
The woman will appear in court today in the city of Iraklion,
in northern Crete, charged with assault.
According to reports, she said she was acting in self-defence
after the man exposed himself to a number of women in a bar,
and then groped her against her wishes.
The story has made national headlines in Greece, where some
have hailed the woman as a heroine. A Foreign Office
spokeswoman said: "We can confirm that in the early hours of
Tuesday a 23-year-old British male national was assaulted in Crete.
"We understand he suffered burns on his chest and abdomen."
Stuart Feltham did not stick around to appear in court and fled
back to England, where he lives with his parents.
His father claims the poor innocent boy suffered a totally
unprovoked attack and did not flash and grope anybody.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Eddie
Re: What is needed to phone over the net?
Hi Mr Webby;
I have been having some serious issues with AT&T's U-verse.
I have had already 10 tech's out to my house because of no
picture on my tv, freezing up, resetting the box every time it
rains, and to top it off I have found out that I am at the end
loop as they call it..... which means that everyone on the
block in front of us who has subscribed to this u-verse is
drawing the same signal off of the old telephone line.
So now this is also why I am having issues.
But I think I know how to deal with them..... anyways this
will be my new email address... and I had asked you a
question about online telephone...
I mean I saw the magic jack, but there were a lot of
mixed reviews... and Vonage.... well I don't know much
about this.... and now with "Google Talk" can you shed
some new light on these questions.....?
Thank you for your great news letter.... keep em
coming.
Eddie
Dear Eddie
First you need to get your line fixed, so that you have
reliable TV reception. Until then, everything else is a
waste of time and money.
AT&T U-Verse has the AT&T version of Vonage or
Magic Jack built in, and for $89 a month, you can
theoretically use it.
However, it sounds like the lines in your area are
hopelessly overloaded, and that method will never
work properly for you.
Try some company, that uses TV Cable instead of
ancient and inadequate phone lines.
The problems, when it rains, are a definite indicator that
your lines are old and get water crackle. You will not
even get reliable high speed Internet over those lines,
never mind TV and all that other promised stuff.
Those old crackly lines are just barely good enough for
low speed dial-up. That's all.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Not far from me we have a friend who raises Brahma
Bulls. I asked how he got them to breed so well, since
he has a nice herd. He said that he gave the bulls
potency pills.
I asked what the pills were made of.
He said "I don't really know, but they taste like chocolate."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Milk Jug for Organizing Plastic Bags
An easy way to store your plastic grocery bags is in an old,
clean plastic milk jug. Most of these milk jugs have an
indented circle on one side. Just cut out the circle and
stuff in the bags. It will hold many bags and is easy to
store.
By Jan from Gainesville, GA
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A young boy was kneeling by his bed and saying his
prayers and asked God to make him a good boy. The
boy's father, passing by the bedroom, overheard his
son praying, "And make me a good boy, if You can.
And if You can't, don't worry about it, 'cause I'm
having a lot of fun being a nuisance."
 Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Showing his friend around his his home, Fred started to
point out all of the collectibles he and his wife had
acquired over their long years of marriage.
"The day before I die, I'm gpoing to sell every piece we've
got just to see how much it's all worth."
"But you couldn't possibly know the day before you were
going to die, so how could you sell it."
"Simple: If I sell it all, my wife will kill me!"
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Needs better email than Windows 7 has
Friday, June 10, 2011, 09:06 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Friday, June 10
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
We had a bright, sunny day and the landscape is starting to
warm up. The Saskatoon berry bushes are still in full bloom.
A few days of rain did not hurt them at all. They ar still
waiting for bees to show up and do their thing. If anything,
the bushes look even brighter than before.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
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It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.
--- William G. McAdoo
It is a waste of time to try to teach a pig to sing.
It hurts the ears, and it annoys the pig.
-- Socratex
Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young
father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you
prepared for it?"
"I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made appetizers
and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and
cakes for all of our guests."
"I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you
prepared spiritually?"
"Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case
of whiskey."
Mary was discussing the various aspects and possible outcome of
the Insurance policy with the clerk at the Insurance Agency.
During the discussion, she asked. "Suppose I take the life
insurance for my husband today and tomorrow he dies? What will
I get?
The clerk eyed her suspiciously and replied "Unless you are a politician,
probably a life sentence"
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to the US DOE's Office of Inspector General
Edication Dept and OIG worse than Gestapo
15 heavily armed members of a SWAT team smashed the door
of Kenneth Wright and his three kids (3,7 and 11 years old)
in a pre-dawn surpise raid.
They did not ring the door bell or knock on the door, they
smashed the door, grabbed him by the neck, threw him on
the lawn and knelt on him, then handcuffed him and put him
into a patrol car for six hours.
A neighbor reported: ""They surrounded the house; it was like
a task force of SWAT team," she told the station.
"They all had guns. They dragged him out in his boxer shorts,
threw him to the ground and handcuffed him."
Kenneth Wright has no criminal record, is not involved with
any criminal or terrorist organization, had no dope, no booze
and no weapons.
He eventually found out, that they were actually looking for
his estranged ex-wife, who had left years ago.
They claimed there was a student loan issue. It is unknown,
why it took them six hours to search the tiny house, but
they did not find anything, that they could use to charge
Wright with.
Wright did not know anything about any student loans and
thinks it may be something his ex wife did, after she left
and moved elsewhere.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Trixie
Re: Not happy with Windows 7
Dear Webby,
I just bought a laptop with windows 7 on it.
I am in several graphic groups and using
windows live mail is a real pain. Nothing
shows up as it should.
Did you at some time mention that
there are still XP programs that
could be bought??
I would appreciate any info you could give me
as I really hate windows 7.
Thanks,
Trixie
Dear Trixie
That is why I recommend buying XP, or at least W7+
with XP pre-installed at the factory.
Your laptop can still be converted to XP.
Contact Jerome at Spiritscents and haggle out a deal.
If you just bought it, you may have a 30 day money back
guarantee, especially if you paid for it with PayPal or a credit card.
Then you could add the $50 - $70 that w7 PLUS costs.
Yes, they give away W7 free with all new machines,
but if you want XP, they charge you $50 - $70 penalty
for that, and STILL claim "Another W7 sold!"
All Windows software will run on XP. XP is backward
compatible all the way to DOS and clay tablets.
By the way, you CAN use Eudora on W7, not just XP
and previous versions of Windows.
Microsoft is in a snit about Eudora being so much
better than the newest one they have, that they won't
allow you to make it your default email program,
but it works just fine. Just start it manually with a
task bar icon. Eudora has been precise, reliable and
predictable since 1991.
If you install Eudora, let me know, and I will send you
a registration code.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
The Ultimate Guide To Discus Fish
Care, Breeding and Keeping Them Healthy
2nd Edition, with even more information!
By the way, did you know that "dirty" fish
tank water is a very potent, natural fertilizer
for your garden or balcony flower or herb
boxes? Turbo Geraniums!
Boost your kitchen herbs like magic.
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man
he meets, "Do you want to go to Heaven?"
The man said, "I do Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got to Heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go
to Heaven?"
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when
you die you don't want to go to Heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group
together to go right now."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Save On Watering By Collecting Rain Water
Place a bucket under the window A/C to catch the water or
insert a long hose that reaches your plants. I also keep a big
tub ready for downpours to catch the rain water, which I use
for plants or to wash my car. My grandmother used to wash
our hair with rain water. She claimed it made hair grow. I
always had very long hair and can't vouch for the rainwater,
but the grass and plants do grow with it.
By iruiz27 from S. TX
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Three little boys were bragging about how tough they were."I'm so
tough", said the first boy, "that I can wear out a pair of shoes in a
week".
"Well", said the second little boy, "I'm so tough, I can wear out a pair
of jeans in a day".
"That's nothing", said the third boy. "When my parents take me to see my
grandma and grampa, I can wear them out in a hour".
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Thanks to Sue for this report:
At breakfast one day, I eagerly waited for my husband to com-
ment on my first attempt at homemade cinnamon rolls.
After several minutes with no reaction, I asked, "If I baked
these commercially, how much do you think I could get for one
of them?"
Without looking up from his paper my husband replied, "Oh,
probably about 5 - 10 years."
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Thursday, June 9, 2011, 08:43 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Thursday, June 9
Skype got murdered
Microsoft lets FSB (formerly KGB) listen in on Skype.
Nikolai Pryanishnikov, the head of Microsoft Russia says
he'd be happy to share the encryption code of newly
acquired Skype with Russia's security services.
You may have noticed a sleazy forced "update" in the last
few days. Skype crashed and came back updating, without
giving you a choice to agree or deny. That seems to be part
of the murder of Skype.
Those two moves totally murdered any trust in Skype.
It still works for sending pictures of your pets and chatting
with Gramma, but if you are involved with Human Rights or
Democracy, it's time to move on over to Google Talk.
It is very unlikely,that Google will sell out.
We may see some super-encryption add-ons for Skype
appearing in the next few months, from people trying to
revive trust in Skype.
That $8.5 Billion dollar panic grab, just to make sure
Google or Cisco or Citrix or Oracle couldn't buy it,
did not make sense. Skype would take over thousand years
to pay back that much money. Now we know where THAT wind
is blowing from.
I will still use Skype for tech suport and to chat with my dad,
but all communication to Eastern Block countries, and anything
of a Human Rights nature, has shifted to Google Talk.
Google Talk is similar to Skype, but takes a bit of getting used
to it, since there are so many ways to customize it for your
own purpose. I still have a lot to learn about it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
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Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
--- Peter De Vries
But what is the difference between literature and
journalism?
..Journalism is unreadable and
literature is not read. That is all.
--- Oscar Wilde
Always and never are two words you should always remember
never to use.
---Wendell Johnson
A man buys a parrot from a pet shop. The parrot is highly
intelligent but all he ever does is swear. Day and night the
parrot shouts out obscene words and phrases until one day
the man decides to teach him a lesson.
He is standing in the kitchen with the parrot, constantly
swearing, seated on his shoulder. The man tells the parrot
that if he doesn`t stop swearing he is going to open the door
of his freezer and throw him in.
The parrot laughs and tells him that he wouldn`t dare.
The parrot ignores the threat and sure enough, the man
opens his freezer, grabs the bird by its neck, throws him
inside and slams it shut.
The bird bangs constantly on the door asking to be let out
and promises never to swear again. After about 5 minutes
the man agrees to give the bird 1 more chance and places
him back on his shoulder.
After a few minutes the parrot has warmed up again and
asks the man,
"What did the chicken do?"
An extremely wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young
woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal.
"Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a
friend.
"Your chances are better," said the friend, "if you tell her
you're 90."
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Marques Jeter, 24,
Underwear thief arested at church
ELYRIA, Ohio (UPI) -- Police in Ohio said they arrested a
man praying in a church after stealing four packages of
underwear from a dollar store.
Elyria police said Marques Jeter, 24, took four packages of
underwear from a Family Dollar store about 4:50 p.m.
Sunday and struck the manager in the face after she
asked to see his receipt, The (Lorain) Morning Journal
reported Tuesday.
The police report said Jeter pushed two customers out of
the way as he fled the store.
Officers said they spotted Jeter outside of the nearby
United Church of Christ an he was arrested while praying
in an "unintelligible manner" in the basement of the facility.
Jeter was taken to the Lorain County Jail on a robbery
charge.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Russ
Re: Convert PDF
Dear Webby
I use a free product called Some PDF to Txt Converter.
Although the interface is a little weak, it does a great job of
converting PDF's to text with the exact spacing, unlike doing a
SAVE AS from Adobe.
http://www.somepdf.com
- Russ
Dear Russ
Thank you very much for that link!
Have FUN
DearWebby
The Ultimate Guide To Discus Fish
Care, Breeding and Keeping Them Healthy
2nd Edition, with even more information!
By the way, did you know that "dirty" fish
tank water is a very potent, natural fertilizer
for your garden or balcony flower or herb
boxes? Turbo Geraniums!
Boost your kitchen herbs like magic.
An old wild west fort is about to be attacked. The wily old General
sends for his trusty Indian Scout. "Yumti-Bi," he said, "you must use
all your thirty years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we
are up against here."
Yumti-Bi laid down and put his ear to the ground.
"Heap large -- war party," he says, "maybe three hundred
braves, four chiefs, two on black stallions, two on white stallions.
All have war paint...many many guns.
Medicine man also with them."
"Good grief!" exclaims the General, "you can tell all of that
just by listening to the ground???"
"No, General," replied the Indian, "I can see under the gate..."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Reuse Backpack and School Supplies
In most areas of the US, school will be over soon.
The last thing on everyone's mind right now is the
next school year. But this is a relatively painless
tip that doesn't take much time and will surely
save you money.
When the kids come home on the last day of
school, don't just put the backpacks in the closet.
Go ahead and empty them out; tossing out the
short pencils, used workbooks, etc. If there
are usable art or other school supplies, put
them in a safe place for next year. At my son's school,
he had to purchase his own art class supplies and I reused
the same paint colors and magic markers because of their
light use. If you have a supply list for next year, put that in
a safe place as well so you will have it when the back to
school sales start.
Finally, inspect the backpacks. Can they be used again
another year? I'm not sure where the practice of a new
backpack every year started but if you start out with a
sturdy one they can be used for many years. Toss it in
the washer and give it a good cleaning. When dry, hang
it back up and it will be ready and waiting for you at the
end of summer.
By wendiesioux from Edwardsport, IN
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Sam Dunne was trying to locate his son, John, whom he hadn't
heard from in 7 years. He hired a private detective, Roger,
who decided he'd start looking for John in New York City.
After pounding the pavement for several days, Roger saw "Dunne
& Bradstreet" on a sign outside a skyscraper.
"Ahh... DUNNE!!" thought Roger, and walked into the foyer.
"Excuse me...you don't work here," said a security guard
seated at a desk.
"Oh, I'm looking for John," said Roger.
"Ah, that's down the hall, third door on the left," said the
guard.
Roger burst into the men's room just as some poor guy was
leaving the toilet stall.
"Are you Dunne??" asked Roger.
The poor guy gestured towards the toilet and said, "Yes, yes
I am."
"Well then," said Roger, "You'd better give your father a
call!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
After a long and serious operation, Lena ended up in a coma.
Try as they might, the doctors just couldn't bring her out of it.
When her husband Ralph came into the intensive care unit to
see her, the doctors gave him the bad news.
"We just can't wake her. It doesn't look good I'm afraid," the
doctor told Ralph in a quiet somber voice.
Ralph looked at Lena and with a soft trembling voice said, "But
doctor, she's so young. She's only 48."
"37," came the weak reply from Lena.
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Wednesday, June 8, 2011, 08:19 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Wednesday, June 8
Yes, I know that alphabet is not the one devised by Morse.
And it is not the Boy Scout Alphabet either.
Officially, if you want to be really picky, it is
"The NATO Phonetic Alphabet Mnemonic".
Because that is too big a mouthful and too difficult to spell
correctly twice in a row, and because the Girl Guides did
not want the Boy Scouts to get any credit for it, good ol
Morse's name was wrongly tagged onto it.
With Morse's actual dot-dash mnemonic alphabet, which
I learned as a kid, it used the "short vowels" like a, e, i, u
for dots and the "long vowel" o for the dashes.
In that version, ATOM was used for the letter A, and with
a short and a long vowel, you got DOT - DASH.
E, the most used letter, was EIS in German and EGG in English,
just a short vowel, hence just one dot.
Uniform for U was adopted the same by NATO. It is still correct:
Dot Dot Dash
Personally, I prefer the old version, where the vowels indicated
dots or dashes, but I am not going to lose any sleep over it.
Oh, the reason I made it that small is so that you can print it
and glue it somewhere near where your phone is.If you do
want it larger, click through the picture to the large version.
You know the drill by now!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
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Life is not about how fast you run, or
how high you climb, but how well you
bounce.
--- Socratex
Men who never get carried away should be.
--- Malcolm Forbes
While teaching children about world religions, a teacher asked her
students to bring a symbol of their family's faith to class. The next
day, she asked each student to come forward and share the symbol with the
class.
The 1st child said, "I'm Muslim, and this is my prayer rug."
The 2nd child said, "I'm Jewish, and this is my family's menorah."
The 3rd child said, "I'm Roman Catholic, and this is my Mom's rosary."
The 4th child said, "I'm Greek Orthodox, and this is an icon of my patron saint."
The 5th child said, "I'm Southern Baptist, and this is my casserole dish."
TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that
we didn't have 10 years ago.
WILLY: Me!
TEACHER: Alfred, how can one person make so many stupid
mistakes in one day?
STUDENT: I get up early.
TEACHER: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper.
JOHN: I hope so too!
GARY: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
TEACHER: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.
TEACHER: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another,
how many dollars would you have?
VINCENT: One dollar.
TEACHER: (sadly) You don't know your arithmetic.
VINCENT: (sadly) You don't know my father.
TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight
oranges in the other, what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: BIG hands!
TEACHER: Max, use "defeat", "defense", and "detail" in a sentence.
MAX: The rabbit cut across the field, and defeat went over defense
before detail.
Thanks to Chuck for this picture:
Click through the picture to the large version.
Hi Webby,
I've got a weird, flowering cactus in my front yard. Here's a couple pics.
Chuck
.
Hi Chuck, that's a "Spanish Dagger", actually closer to
asperagus or agave than a cactus. There are many different
variations. The one you got, that blooms this time of year, is
probably the one called Yucca Gloriosa or something very
similar.
I love the dry flower / fruit stems for waking sticks in the
desert. They are incredibly light weight and surprisingly
strong.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to John Simister, 51 from Milford, Conn.
Connecticut man charged with DWI twice in one day
in Onondaga County
LaFayette, NY -- A Connecticut man was charged with driving
while intoxicated by state police twice in about 10 hours Monday.
Troopers first came in contact with John Simister, 51, of 38 Linda Drive,
Milford, Conn., at 12:17 p.m. Monday when he was stopped on
Interstate 81 in Tully, troopers said. Simister, who troopers said
was doing 80 mph on the highway, was found to have a blood-alcohol
content of 0.19.
Troopers ticketed Simister and he was released to a sober third
party, troopers said.
At 10:20 p.m., an off-duty trooper spotted a man drinking alcohol
inside a vehicle at the Nice and Easy convenience store in LaFayette.
Troopers checked the area, saw the suspect vehicle and attempted
to pull it over.
Simister led troopers on a short pursuit that ended when the
he pulled into a driveway on Newell Hill Road in LaFayette,
troopers said. Troopers said Simister was again behind the
wheel.
Simister was arrested again and he was found to have a
BAC of 0.17. The legal threshold to DWI is a BAC of 0.08.
He was charged with failure to comply, consuming alcohol
in a vehicle, failure to keep right and DWI.
Simister was arraigned in LaFayette Town Court and ordered
held at the Onondaga County Justice Center.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Ron
Re: Convert PDF
Dear Webby
I need to convert some pdf files to WORD. I thought open office
used to do that but since I upgraded open office I cannot open
pdf files from it. Lots of programs to convert to pdf but not the
other way. Got any good ideas (thats a laugh, I know you do)
to help me out. Thanks as always.
RON P
Dear Ron
PDF files are basically intercepted print jobs, a graphical
image. To convert them to text, you have to scan that image
with an OCR program.
Adobe made many hundreds of Billions by making that as
difficult as possible, in order to provide unalterable invoices
and forms and Books.
There ARE some programs nowadays, that let you edit PDF
files, but I don't think there are any free ones, that will let
you convert a PDF file to WORD.
Since I never need them in WORD format, I just use
PDF-Exchange to edit them when neded, and save them
again as PDF. The nediting is not really true editing,
but more a commenting or mark-up or form filling,
but that suits me fine.
If I have to fix a typo or change a name in a birth certificate,
then it is easier to do a screen capture and use a graphics
program for doing that, because the overlay / annotation
method of PDF Exchange is much sharper than the original,
and the editing / annotating / form filling is just as obvious
as the editing on a certain birth certificate, that received
a lot of publicity last month.
If WORD is just an intermediate step, try ignoring that and
look for a one step converter from PDF to for example
Palm's PDB. There are lots of those listed.
Have FUN
DearWebby
The Ultimate Guide To Discus Fish
Care, Breeding and Keeping Them Healthy
2nd Edition, with even more information!
By the way, did you know that "dirty" fish
tank water is a very potent, natural fertilizer
for your garden or balcony flower or herb
boxes? Turbo Geraniums!
Boost your kitchen herbs like magic.
Thanks to Rose for this story:
After shopping at a busy store, another woman and I
happened to leave at the same time, only to be faced with
the daunting task of finding our cars in the crowded
parking lot. Just then my car horn beeped, and I was able
to locate my vehicle easily.
Wow," the woman said. "I sure could use a gadget like
that to help me find my car."
"Actually," I replied, "that's my husband."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Sort Mail in Front Entry
While organizing my front entryway, I realized I needed
places for junk mail which I recycle, bills, and items to be
shredded. I hung some attractive straw purses on my coat
rack with labels for each. This way I don't carry them to the
dining table or the sofa where they tend to pile up. Now I
sort them as soon as I carry them through the door!
By Susan from Elkhart, IN
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Waiting at a crosswalk, I overheard some kids talking
about their siblings.
"My brother takes Karate lessons," bragged one.
"My sister takes Judo," said another.
Not to be outdone, the youngest piped up,
"MY fister does Karaoke!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A high school senior, saw an inspirational advertisement on
television about becoming a teacher. She called the number
shown: 1-800-45TEACH. After a woman answered, the
student babbled on about how she thought she had found
her life's calling and could she send her some information.
The lady who answered the phone asked the student what
number she was calling. The student told her and there
was a long pause. Then she said, "You misspelled TEACH."
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Times: They Are A-changin'
Tuesday, June 7, 2011, 02:31 PM -
Posted by Administrator
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Charlie: You Were'nt The First
Tuesday, June 7, 2011, 02:30 PM -
Posted by Administrator
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Tuesday, June 7, 2011, 08:02 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Tuesday, June 7
In the North of the province they have wild fires and smoky
conditions for hundreds of miles, here in the foothills
we have rain. I have a feeling somewhere some slingshot
is getting wound up to hit us with some really gorgous
summer weather, as soon as Mother nature is good and
ready for it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
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The least of learning is done in the classrooms.
--- Thomas Merton
The things we know best are the things we haven't been taught.
--- Marquis de Vauvenargues
One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes,
but for real bona fide stupidity,
there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork.
-- Edward Abbey
An older couple had a son, who was still living at home.
They were a little worried, as the son was still unable to
decide about his future career, so they decided to do a
small test.
They took a ten dollar bill, a bible, and a bottle of whiskey,
and put them on the front hall table, then they hid in the
nearby closet, pretending they were not at home.
The father told his wife, "If our son takes the money,
he will be a businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be
a priest, but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid
our son will be a drunkard."
So, the couple waited nervously. Peeping through the
keyhole they saw their son arrive. He saw the note they
had left. Then, he took the ten dollar bill, looked at it
against the light, and slid it in his pocket.
After that, he took the bible, flipped through it, to see if any
stashed money fell out, and tucked it under his arm.
Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an
appreciative sip to be assured of the quality. Then he
left for his room, carrying all three items.
The father slapped his forehead, and said, "It's even worse
than I could ever have imagined. Our son is going to be
a politician!"
From Lisa
For many years I worked as a receptionist and switchboard operator at a
busy company. After a good annual review, my supervisor told me I was up
for a raise, pending approval of the vice president. A month later, my
supervisor called me into his office and told me the VP had refused to
approve the raise. His reason? I clearly wasn't doing my job. Every time
he saw me, I was either chatting with someone in the lobby or talking on
the phone.
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:
Click through the picture to the large version.
The Chilean Puyehue volcano is not paying attention to the
CO2 hype and looks really pretty in the evening light.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Sandra Uher, 54, in Elgin, Ill
Woman facing 6th DUI came to court drunk
An Elgin woman charged with DUI six times had her bail revoked
this week after police say she came to court intoxicated.
Authorities say 54-year-old Sandra Uher had been free on
$100,000 when she was taken into custody.
Uher's last DUI charge was in March, when she ran a stop
sign at the corner of Shales Parkway and Summit Street in
Elgin and crashed into another car. Police said her blood
alcohol limit was nearly four times the legal limit, measuring
at .30. After that conviction, Uher was released from jail after
posting $10,000 of her $100,000 bond. But after her intoxicated
court appearance, her bail was revoked. She still owes the
remaining $90,000.
The Daily Herald reports she's been sent to Cermak Hospital at
Cook County Jail for evaluation.
During her most recent DUI arrest in March, police say Uher failed
a field sobriety test and had a preliminary blood-alcohol content of .30,
nearly four times the legal limit for drivers.
She was also driving on a revoked license.
Uher has DUI convictions dating back to 1997. If convicted of the
latest offense, she faces between six and 30 years in prison.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Mickey
Re: Spelling
Dear Webby
Two things.
I need that Causeway spelling joke again, that you used to
feature every second year or so. I need it and can't find it.
Second, while you are digging in your archives, you used to
have a nice little chart, that showed the boy scout alphabet
for spelling difficult to pronounce words over the phone.
Can you please show us the link to that again ?
Thanks
Mickey
Dear Mickey
The Morse Alphabet is at http://webby.com/alpha
The Caseway story follows a bit further down below.
Have FUN
DearWebby
The Ultimate Guide To Discus Fish
Care, Breeding and Keeping Them Healthy
2nd Edition, with even more information!
By the way, did you know that "dirty" fish
tank water is a very potent, natural fertilizer
for your garden or balcony flower or herb
boxes? Turbo Geraniums!
Boost your kitchen herbs like magic.
(This one you have to read out loud)
"Information? I need the number for Caseway Transport."
"Would you spell that, please?"
"Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as
in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in
are. Y as in you."
"Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Buy Magazines Used at Garage Sales
I go to yard sales and garage sales and sometimes they have
used magazines. I buy them for five to ten cents each.
Sometimes they even give them away. They have really nice
recipes and fresh ideas too. Cheap is good.
By Sue from Mt. Laurel, NJ
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved
auctions; his hobby was golf.
The other night, as they slept, the golfer yelled, "Fore!"
His wife yelled back, "Four and a quarter !"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
The basketball coach stormed into the University President's office
and demanded a raise right then and there.
"Please," protested the college President, "you already make more
than the entire History department."
"Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with,"
the coach blustered. "Look, I'll Give you an example."
The coach went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging
down the hallway.
"Run over to my office and see if I'm there," he ordered.
Three minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath.
"You're not there, sir," he reported.
"Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the University President,
scratching his head. "I would have phoned first."
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What size hard drive should he add?
Monday, June 6, 2011, 07:48 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Monday, June 6
Happy Flag Day for the Swedes!
Today my Saskatoon berries popped their blossoms.
There are going to be plenty of berries, if each of those blossoms
turns into a 5-15 berry grape bunch.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
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Have you ever noticed?
Anybody going slower than you is an idiot,
and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
--- George Carlin
A television may insult your intelligence,
but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
--- Socratex
An elderly gent was invited to his old friends' home for
dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy
addressed his wife with endearing terms-calling her Honey,
My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had
been married over 50 years, and they appeared still very
clearly in love.
While the wife was off in the kitchen, the man leaned over
and said to his buddy, "I think it's wonderful that, after
all the years you've been married, you still call your wife
those loving pet names."
The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth,
he said. "I forgot her name about ten years ago."
Organic Tomato Magic
Harry sent a quick email to his supervisor. "Boss," he wrote,
"my mother-in-law is doing some heavy house-cleaning
tomorrow, and wants me to help with the attic and the garage,
moving and hauling stuff."
"We're short-handed, Harry," the boss replied. "I can't give
you the day off."
After Harry printed his reply, he wrote back to him:
"Thanks, boss, I knew I could count on you!"
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Robert Shreeves, 40, of Princeton, Missouri
Busted for rafting down the river and having fun
in clear view of envious spoilsports
SIOUX CITY - A Missouri man was arrested Thursday for allegedly
floating on a kiddie pool down the Missouri River.
Sioux City Police Sgt. Mike Post said Robert Shreeves, 40, was
observed floating down the river at 9:54 p.m. on a small inflatable
pool that was approximately six inches tall with two floats on the side.
He said the raft was approximately 3.5 by 5.5 feet.
"The individual apparently launched this raft upcurrent and drifted
down the river," Post said.
Shreeves, of Princeton, Mo., was arrested by the Sioux City Police
Department when he docked at the boat ramp on Larsen Park Road
for a misdemeanor charge of public intoxication.
An official with the Woodbury County Jail said Friday that Shreeves
had been released for time served.
Authorities said Thursday night they had received numerous calls from
people who observed a man floating down the river in a raft. One
dispatcher said the people kept calling in because they thought
he was having fun.
The Missouri River was at 28.34 feet on Thursday night, and there
was no danger of getting hung up on a sand bar. Shreeves was not
in any danger and he did not endanger anybody else.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Vern
Re: What size hard drive next?
Dear Webby
My old computer still runs fine, but it's 20 GB hard drive
is getting too small. What size would you recommend?
vern
Dear Vern
You obviously have learned very good and highly
recommendable computer house-cleaning skills !
I would recommend that you keep the 20 GB drive, since
you must have it very well organized and tuned.
Just add an external 1 TB USB drive. That way you
don't have to re-install any software, and you will still
be able to do a virus scan or a defrag in the enviably
short time that you can do it now, and let it do the
house-keeping chores on the big drive while you
are sleeping.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Hyper Tufa? What is it?
Have you seen garden and yard containers and art work,
that looks like rock or concrete, but are extremely light in
weight? That's Hyper Tufa.
This book shows you how to make all kinds of garden and
yard decorations and art work cheaply and easily.
Make everything from artsy stepping stones to x-rated gnomes
and garden fairies. The
Hyper Tufa book has all the info
you need.
Bill told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the
things around the house that he used to do.
When the examination was complete, he said,
"Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English
what is wrong with me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just a
lazy old fart."
"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the latin term so I can
tell my wife."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Buy Magazines Used at Garage Sales
I go to yard sales and garage sales and sometimes they have
used magazines. I buy them for five to ten cents each.
Sometimes they even give them away. They have really nice
recipes and fresh ideas too. Cheap is good.
By Sue from Mt. Laurel, NJ
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A cantor, the man who sings the prayers at a synagogue,
brags before his congregation in his booming, bellowing voice:
"Two years ago I insured my voice at Lloyds of London
for $750,000."
There is a hushed and awed silence in the crowded room.
Suddenly, from the back of the room, the quiet, nasal voice
of an elderly woman is heard,
"So, what did you do with the money?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
It was very crowded at the supermarket, and the customer in
front of me had a large order. As the harried-looking clerk
lifted the final bag for her, its bottom gave way, sending
the contents crashing to the floor.
"They just don't make these bags like they used to," the
clerk blurted to the customer. "That wasn't supposed to
happen until you unloaded them at home!"
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Sunday, June 5, 2011, 10:24 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Sunday, June 5
I often hear: "I bet you use some fancy, super fast computer!"
Well, not fancy, but it IS fast. It is 4 years old, and was the
cheapest I could get from DELL at the time.
I just got a call from them today, reminding me, that the
4 year warranty is running out, if I don't renew it.
Yes, it is old, but it runs circles around the office laptop,
a 2010 W7, and I am in no rush to put this machine out
to pasture.
Quad Core machines with 12 GB RAM machines, ready for
Windows 8, have come down below $600. By Christmas
"old fashioned" W7 machines will be below $300.
I am quite confident, that tis machine will still be fine
till next year.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
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Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.
--- Benjamin Franklin
Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.
--- Sir Winston Churchill
Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to
thinking about things. "Mommy, mommy, why has daddy
got so few hairs on his head?" he asked his mother.
"He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for
coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness.
Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and said:
"I hope you don't start thinking. You would look weird
with a bald head !"
Apparently nobody is interested in old-fashioned tomatoes.
Just in case you are, I still have the link:
Organic Tomato Magic
Mary announced that she was going to start a diet to
lose some pounds she had put on recently.
"Great," Sue exclaimed. "I'm ready to start a diet too.
We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. And
when I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and
fries, I'll call you first."
"Wonderful," Mary replied. "I'll go with you."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:
Click through the picture to the large version.
We are overrun by rabbits
Lillemor
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Bank Of America in Collier County, Florida
Homeowner Forecloses On Bank
Collier County, Florida -- Have you heard the one about a
homeowner foreclosing on a bank?
Well, it has happened in Florida and involves a North Carolina
based bank.
Instead of Bank of America foreclosing on some Florida homeowner,
the homeowners had sheriff's deputies foreclose on the bank.
It started five months ago when Bank of America filed foreclosure
papers on the home of a couple, who didn't owe a dime on their
home.
The couple said they paid cash for the house.
The case went to court and the homeowners were able to prove
they didn't owe Bank of America anything on the house. In fact,
it was proven that the couple never even had a mortgage bill to pay.
A Collier County Judge agreed and after the hearing,
Bank of America was ordered, by the court to pay the legal fees
of the homeowners', Maurenn Nyergers and her husband.
The Judge said the bank wrongfully tried to foreclose on the
Nyergers' house.
So, how did it end with bank being foreclosed on? After more
than 5 months of the judge's ruling, the bank still hadn't paid
the legal fees, and the homeowner's attorney did exactly what
the bank tried to do to the homeowners. He seized the bank's
assets.
"They've ignored our calls, ignored our letters, legally this is
the next step to get my clients compensated, " attorney
Todd Allen told CBS.
Sheriff's deputies, movers, and the Nyergers' attorney went
to the bank and foreclosed on it. The attorney gave instructions
to to remove desks, computers, copiers, filing cabinets and
any cash in the teller's drawers.
After about an hour of being locked out of the bank, the bank
manager handed the attorney a check for the legal fees.
He still had to pay the movers to get their stuff back.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Dorothy
Re: Extra mouse buttons
Dear Webby
Another great Humor newsletter! Thanks!
You mention the great mouse, which I have, and then,
"It has two extra buttons on the side. You can assign
hot-keys to those buttons. Here we assign the thumb-tip
button to CTRL C (Copy) and the thumb-ball button to
CTRL V (Paste)."
Exactly how do you "assign hot-keys" to those buttons?
I bet your other loyal readers would like to know, too.
Thanks again for everything!
Dorothy
Dear Dorothy
Click on the "MyComputer" icon
Control Panel
Mouse
And there, if you have that mouse plugged in,
you will see all the buttons and pull-down choices
for assigning hot-keys.
With older versions of Windows you may have to run
the install CD that came with the mouse to be able to
see those extra mouse buttons in the mouse set-up.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Hyper Tufa? What is it?
Have you seen garden and yard containers and art work,
that looks like rock or concrete, but is extremely light in
weight? That's Hyper Tufa.
This book shows you how to make all kinds of garden and
yard decorations and art work cheaply and easily.
Make everything from artsy stepping stones to x-rated gnomes
and garden fairies. The
Hyper Tufa book has all the info
you need.
My aunt's neighbor in New York had a beautiful black cat,
named Felix, who spent his days outside and came indoors
at night. One cool October evening, he disappeared. The
neighbor searched for him in vain for several days.
The following spring,, however, Felix reappeared, looking
healthy and clean. She figured he's been out sowing his
wild oats.
Everything was back to normal until that autumn, when Felix
disappeared again. The next spring, he returned.
Perplexed, my aunt's friend began asking neighbors for clues.
Finally, she rang the bell of an older couple who lived down the
street.
"A black cat?" the woman said. "Oh, yes! My husband and I
hated to see him out in the cold, so we bought a cat carrier.
We take him to Florida with us every winter."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Kitty Litter Bucket for Kitchen Compost
I always wanted to compost, a kitchen composter was easiest
to start with but expensive. I noticed our kitty litter container
(hard plastic) was a perfect size and has a lid and handle.
It fits under the sink and has been working great.
By krisanthemum from Pataskala, OH
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago
for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip
and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he
reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick
e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he
had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type
it in from memory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was
directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose
husband had passed away only the day before. When the
grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at
the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the
floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw
this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything is prepared for your
arrival tomorrow.
PS. Sure is hot down here.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
On a country road, a speeder hit and killed a dog. The dog's
owner stood nearby, a gun in his hand.
The speeder said, "Looks as if I killed your dog."
"Sure does."
"I'm sorry. Was it a valuable dog?"
"I wouldn't say that."
"Well, suppose I gave you a hundred dollars. Would that be
enough?"
"Well, I don't know."
"Two hundred dollars. That should do it."
"Sounds good."
The speeder reached into his pocket and came up with the
money. Pressing it into the man's hand, he said, "I'm sorry
I spoiled your plans to go hunting."
"I wasn't going hunting. I was heading out to the woods to
put that mangy mutt out of his misery."
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ElectroMagnetic Pollution
Saturday, June 4, 2011, 11:31 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Saturday, June 4
Thank you Sharon!
Thank you Lillemor!
Thank you Sandie!
Thank you, Alfred!
The cold and wet and late spring sure loaded up the fields
and also my lawn, like a slingshot. One neighbor, a few houses
north from me, has a huge lawn front an back. When he finishs
mowing in the back, he starts all over again in the front. Maybe
next year he won't fertilize it quite that much?
Mine is not that bad. For one thing, I don't fertilize the lawn,
just to have to cut it that much more often. And I use a 26"
wide mower and set it quite low. I tuned up the engine for
more speed and torque, and added a spring to the drive
control bar. That makes it move faster and without me having
to push. Unless you make that modification, you have to supply
half the forward push! Now it pulls me along quite smartly.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
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There is no distinctly American criminal class
- except Congress.
--- Mark Twain
Phil and Jill had been married for many years but now were
in divorce court. The judge asked,
"Phil, is it true that the last three years of your marriage, you
did not speak to Jill?"
Phil replies, "Yes Judge, that is correct."
"And how do you explain this unusual conduct?" the judge
inquires.
Phil replies, "Your Honor, my Ma told me not to interrupt
when a woman is speaking."
Apparently nobody is interested in old-fashioned tomatoes.
Just in case you are, I still have the link:
Organic Tomato Magic
In the news....
"Dr. Benjamin Porter visited the school yesterday and
lectured on 'Destructive Pests.' A large number were
present."
-----------------------
"The ladies of the county medical society auxiliary plan
to publish a cookbook. Part of the money will go to the
Samaritan Hospital to purchase a stomach pump."
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Tina S. Gonzales, 33 in Naples, FL
Birthday party ends with a bite in the arm, not cake
An East Naples woman is accused of biting her neighbor in
the arm and throwing cake at her head after an all day
birthday celebration for her son took place on Monday.
Tina S. Gonzales, 33, of the 2900 block of Francis Avenue,
was arrested Monday by Collier deputies at home on a
felony charge of burglary with assault or battery. She
also faces a disorderly intoxication charge.
According to a Collier County Sheriff’s Office report:
After several hours of drinking hard liquor and beer at
her son’s birthday party, Gonzales decided to enter
her neighbor’s apartment without permission. She
was asked to leave numerous times.
Gonzales threw a piece of her son’s birthday cake,
hitting her neighbor in the head. She then punched
her on the side of the head, causing a small laceration.
Gonzales pinned her on the ground, grabbed her
hair and proceeded to bite her on the inside of the
arm, leaving large bite marks.
Deputies said that the bite marks matched the teeth
and gaps of Gonzales. Other subjects that were
present either had no teeth at all or only a few.
Her neighbor stated that her and Gonzales had
been having several disputes prior to the incident.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Marnia
Re: Electromagnetic pollution
Dear Webby
How serious are those concerns about "electromagnetic
radiation pollution"? My mother-in-law read some stuff
about it in some magazine and is all worried about it.
Marnia
Dear Marnia
It doesn't seem to affect everybody the same way. Most
people never notice it, but extraordinarily gullible persons
may think that something is affecting them and with some
coaching from fanatics may indeed worry themselves an
ulcer or whatever is fashionable in their circles.
I have worked for years in extremely high electromagnetic
environments like an aluminum smelter, major electric
power plants, and large welding shops, and I have outlived
a lot of doctors that I have known. While doctors usually
die from cancer, heart disease or mysterious ailments,
the people in those high electromagnetic environments
seem to die mostly of traffic accidents or old age.
However, once somebody believes in the danger of
electromagnetic radiation pollution, you can't reason
with them, and trying to use logic on them just makes
them hostile. Just humor them and play along.
Usually those people are so clueless that putting
plastic childproofers onto electrical outlets "to stop
the electric radiation from leaking out" will make them
feel better. In the mid 90's at the peak of the
electromagnetic radiation scare period, I sold a good
number of protective monitor screens.
They were just black metal mesh mosquito screens
made up for me by the local window glazing company.
I added a ground wire to them and a little alligator clip.
Those screens reduced the glare and reflection off the
monitor,and thereby reduced eye strain and headaches,
but the people who bought them swore their headaches
went away because they shielded them from electro-
magnetic radiation.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Hyper Tufa? What is it?
Have you seen garden and yard containers and art work,
that looks like rock or concrete, but is extremely light in
weight? That's Hyper Tufa.
This book shows you how to make all kinds of garden and
yard decorations and art work cheaply and easily.
Make everything from artsy stepping stones to x-rated gnomes
and garden fairies. The
Hyper Tufa book has all the info
you need.
A prospective juror was being questioned by the District Attorney
for a murder trial that had been in all the papers.
"If the defendant were to be convicted tomorrow, could you kill
him for his crime ?"
"Well, no." replied the man. "But I could do it on Saturday,
if that would be OK."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Kitty Litter Bucket for Kitchen Compost
I always wanted to compost, a kitchen composter was easiest
to start with but expensive. I noticed our kitty litter container
(hard plastic) was a perfect size and has a lid and handle.
It fits under the sink and has been working great.
By krisanthemum from Pataskala, OH
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Please keep in mind that the composting process produces
highly explosive methane. Methane is a nice fuel, when it is
handled correctly, but fatal, if you let it sneak up on you.
Indoor composters absolutely need to be vented outside!
For example, a peatmoss composting toilet needs a vacuum
cleaner hose for an outside vent, and never smells.
A kitchen garbage can size container needs a half inch hose
or pipe. There is no pressure involved, so you should not go
with a smaller hose. You simply need a flue for the explosive
gases to get vented outside.
It is best to attach the hose to the lid, so that you can easily
haul the container outside, when it gets full or too heavy
to shake up.
Yes, you HAVE to shake it up or turn it over once a day,
and occasionally add a handful of peat moss and a slice of
dry bread. Otherwise the stuff rots instead of composting.
If you spot mold or if it looks wet, add peat moss and
turn it more frequently.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
How is playing the bagpipes like throwing a javelin
blindfolded?
You don't have to be good to get everyone's attention.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
From Donna
I spent more than two hours in the beauty shop getting
my hair permed, cut and styled.
Relieved to be done, I went up to the receptionist to pay.
"Good afternoon!" she said cheerfully.
"And who's your appointment with today?"
So I told her I had changed my mind, and left.
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Setting Eudora to retrieve Gmail
Friday, June 3, 2011, 09:30 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Friday, June 3
Time to wear a bit of red to showyour support for the troops!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
|
Americans will put up with anything provided
it doesn't block traffic.
--- Dan Rather
It's useless trying to hold a person to
anything s/he says while s/he's in
love, drunk or running for office.
--- Socratex
George ordered a cake with this inscription:
"You are not getting older,
You are just getting better"
for his wife's birthday party.
Asked how he wanted the message arranged,
he said,"Just put 'You are not getting older' at
the top and 'You are just getting better' at the
bottom."
It wasn't until the cake was uncovered at the
birthday party in front of all the invited guests
that he discovered it read:
"YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP,
YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM."
Apparently nobody is interested in old-fashioned tomatoes.
Just in case you are, I still have the link:
Organic Tomato Magic
This one is apparently true:
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a National Organization
for Women gathering, and at a reception/cocktail party
beforehand, his hostess naturally broached the subject in
which the doctor was most at ease.
"Would you mind telling me, Doctor,"
she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in
somebody who appears completely normal?"
"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple
question which everyone should answer with no trouble.
If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."
"What sort of question?"
"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three
trips around the world and died during one of them.
Which one?'
The woman thought a moment, then said with a nervous
laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example,
would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
Thanks to Glenda for this picture:
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Douglas Ellison of Lee, NH
Carjacker claims to be from '5th dimension'
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
PORTSMOUTH, N.H. (AP) — A convicted felon who claimed he was
from the 'fifth dimension' has been ordered held on $25,000
cash bail for allegedly using a hammer during a carjacking
and then leading police on a multi-town chase along Interstate 95.
Douglas Ellison of Lee was arraigned Tuesday in Portsmouth
District Court on charges including receiving stolen property,
driving while intoxicated and two counts of disobeying a
police officer.
The Portsmouth Herald reports that in court, Ellison claimed
he was from a place in the fifth dimension called "Atmaloke"
and that he had a different name.
Police say he was on I-95 at about 2:30 p.m. Monday when
a woman pulled over to ask if he needed help. He allegedly
stole the woman's car. He was stopped when police flattened
his tires.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Amy
Re: Problems setting Eudora to retrieve Gmail
Dear Webby,
I just downloaded the version of Eudora in your toolbox for
reading my Gmail messages, but I am having trouble getting
it to actually download my messages, do you have any tips
on how I can get it set up right?
Thanks!
Amy
Dear Amy
Set your Gmail to POP
follow the guidelines here:
Eudora and Gmail
There are illustrated step by step instructions there.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Hyper Tufa? What is it?
Have you seen garden and yard containers and art work,
that looks like rock or concrete, but is extremely light in
weight? That's Hyper Tufa.
This book shows you how to make all kinds of garden and
yard decorations and art work cheaply and easily.
Make everything from artsy stepping stones to x-rated gnomes
and garden fairies. The
Hyper Tufa book has all the info
you need.
Murphy's Law #14:
To err is human,
but to really foul things up
that requires a committee.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Soap When Sewing Canvas
Frying Pan Bird Bath
Being frugal pays off in so many ways. I could not throw my old frying pan, knowing I could find a use for it. I finally used it as a bird bath and a garden accent.
By Fe
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Here are some comments made by sports commentators that I'm
sure they would like to take back:
1. Weightlifting commentator at the Olympic Snatch and Jerk event:
"This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning
during her warm up and it was amazing."
2. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator: "This is really a lovely
horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted
her mother."
3. Grand Prix Race Announcer: "The lead car is absolutely, truly
unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical to
the one in front of the similar one in back."
4. Greg Norman, Pro Golfer: "I owe a lot to my parents,
especially my mother and father."
5. Ringside Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries
and even some deaths in boxing - but none of them really
that serious."
6. Baseball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should
think we can expect the same thing again."
7. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition
doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
8. At a trophy ceremony BBC TV Boat Race 1988:
"Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president
is hugging the cox of the Oxford crew."
9. Metro Radio, College Football: "Julian Dicks is
everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
10. US Open TV Commentator: "One of the reasons
Arnie Palmer is playing so well, is that, before each
final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses
them. Oh my God, what have I just said?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first
examination.
On the paper there was a single line which simply said: "Is this a
question? Discuss."
After a short time he wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an
answer."
The student received an "A" on the exam.
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Thursday, June 2, 2011, 09:09 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
It's Thursday, June 2
Dimitris from Atlantic inkjet sent me a help request, that he
had received, that might quaify for a bonehead award.
"I have filled my toner with inkjet ink and tried printing but only
got blanks. I realised i should have used toner after what happened.
Has this damaged my printer? what should i do now? i emptied the
ink and left the toner out to dry..
Please let me know if my printer and toner are damaged?"
I doubt that any of you would squirt liquid bulk ink into a
toner cartridge, but just in case you might be confused,
never mix liquid ink and dry toner. That person ruined that
cartridge, and mostlikely also the printer.
With Laser pinters your cost per page is 1/3 to 1/5 compared
to inkjet printers, but refilling laser toner cartridges is not just
a matter of dumping more toner into the cartridge. You also
have to replace the extrortion chip, that the printer expects.
Without that chip, the printer won't "recognize" the cartridge.
The little chip probably costs about 49 cents to produce, but
IBM, HP, DELL, etc. who own the chip plants in China, want
to make a certain amount per cartridge. Expect to pay around
$10 per chip.
Personally, I just order ready to use cartridges from
Atlantic inkjet .com, and let
them match colors and chips. The price is about the same anyway.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
|
Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one
kind of labor by taking up another.
--- Anatole France
"Do not meddle in the affairs of cats,
for they are subtle and will pee on your keyboard."
--- Socratex
"Hello?" A girl's voice came over the line.
"Can I speak to Ben, please?"
I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was
probably a wrong number and I was fed up with wrong number
calls. There always eem to be more during times of full moon.
"I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?"
"Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded.
"I think he said he'd be home around 10:00."
Silence on the other end...a confused silence.
"Is this Steve?"
My name isn't Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong
number.
"Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?"
"Well...he said he would be home tonight and asked me to
call him..." she said in a slightly irritated voice.
I replied, "Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago,
and said that he would be back at 10:00."
A shocked voice now: "Who's Karen?!"
"The girl he went out with."
"I know that! I mean...who is she?"
"I don't know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave
a message for Ben?"
"Yes...please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home."
She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear
her temper flaring.
"I sure will. Is this Jennifer?"
She exploded this time. "Who's Jennifer?"
Apparently she wasn't.
"Well...he's going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you
were her. Sorry...it was an honest mistake."
"Ben's the one that's made the mistake! Tell him that Alice
called him and the she's Very Upset and that I would
Like Him to Call Me as Soon As He Gets Home."
I smiled and said, "Okay, I will...but Becky isn't going to like
this..."
" Click "
Apparently nobody is interested in old-fashioned tomatoes.
Just in case you are, I still hae the link:
Organic Tomato Magic
Giving a man his physical, a doctor noticed several dark,
ugly bruises on his shins, so he asked,
"Do you play hockey, soccer, or any physical sport?"
"Not at all. I just play bridge with my wife."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Steven Long, 23, in South Daytona, Florida
Burglar carries 59" TV on bicycle
SOUTH DAYTONA, Fla., June 1 (UPI) -- Police in Florida said they
arrested a suspected burglar spotted carrying a 59-inch TV
between his lap and the handlebars of his bicycle.
Investigators said Steven Long, 23, was seen carrying the
television set on his bike at about 4:20 a.m. Sunday in South
Daytona and he fled when he spotted the officers, the Orlando
(Fla.) Sentinel reported Wednesday.
Long, who police said eventually abandoned the bike and the
TV to flee on foot, was caught in a back yard and placed
under arrest.
Residents of a nearby home identified the television as
having been stolen along with other items by someone who
pried open the side door to their garage.
Police said the property was returned to the residents,
but the TV, worth more than $2,000, was damaged
beyond repair.
Long told officers the TV had been given to him by a
friend to settle a debt but investigators said the story
did not check out and he was charged with burglary
of an occupied dwelling and felony theft.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Sharon
Re: Substitute for CD drive
Dear Webby,
Dear Webby,
I love your jokes today. Especially the bike riding because
my granddaughter & her other grandmother have been riding
their bikes & the plumber because of out local town plumber.
His final comments on his answering machine message is
"remember a flush is better than a full house". He is a
character anyway.
I have been having trouble getting my cd+rw drive to work.
It won't open so I can transfer pics to it. I know the disks
are fine because I have checked them out in the cd drive.
I finally sent the pics by email to a friend who transferred
them off to disk for me.
1) Is it possible that doing a system restore could help?
It worked fine in Apr the last time I transferred off some
pics but not in May when I tried again.
2) My pics are on cdrw disks that say 700Mb. If I should
buy flash drives that are 4 Gb(?) how may disks approximately
would fit on each flash? How hard is it to put them on flash drives?
I am so happy that you are getting your strength back & able
to get out & about. Thanks for taking time to share w/ us even
when you were under the weather.
Dear Sharon
All CD drives do fail sooner or later.
A 4 GB SD chip holds almost 6 times as much as a CD.
You can also use the cheap 2 GB chips. They are compatible
with more different devices than the 4 GB chips.
You just drag the files to the chip, as if it was another folder
on the computer. No burning or finalizing required.
Befoer you switch over to SD chips, get a suitable cookie tin
to store them in. They don't really need a lot of protection,
but because they are small, they tend to get lost easily,
if you don't have a designated place for them.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Hyper Tufa? What is it?
Have you seen garden and yard containers and art work,
that looks like rock or concrete, but is extremely light in
weight? That's Hyper Tufa.
This book shows you how to make all kinds of garden and
yard decorations and art work cheaply and easily.
Make everything from artsy stepping stones to x-rated gnomes
and garden fairies. The
Hyper Tufa book has all the info
you need.
For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at long
last, he had collected up sufficient courage to ask her the
most momentous of all questions:
"There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor,"
he began, "but there comes a time when one longs for the
companionship of another being -- a being who will regard
one as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one's
absolute own; who will be kind and faithful when times are
hard; who will share one's joys and sorrows."
To his delight he saw a sympathetic gleam in her eyes. Then she
nodded in agreement. Finally, she responded, "I think its a great
idea! Can I help you choose which puppy to buy?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Soap When Sewing Canvas
Sewing heavy materials like canvas can be as hard on the
needle as it is on your hands. If, however, you rub the fabric
well with soap before you stitch, the job will be a lot more
comfortable and the needle will slip through the cloth
without nearly so much danger of breaking.
Source: Farmer's Almanac
By duckie-do from Cortez, CO
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
"When I was a youngster," complained the frustrated father,
"I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper.
But my son has his own color TV, phone, computer and CD
player.
"So what do you do?" asked his friend.
"I send him to MY room!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
I attended an oil exec convention once. The first speaker
was from Texas. He rambled on for a good half hour and
then introduced the next gent, who happened to be from
Oklahoma. The Texas man said,
"Oklahoma, an outlying province of Texas."
The second speaker said, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, but,
just to set the record straight, there ain't NO state that
can out-lie Texas."
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Is Chrome missing basic utilities?
Wednesday, June 1, 2011, 09:42 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Wednesday, June 1
Would you believe that nobody was interested in what will be
in Windows 8, except for one person in Redmond, who said
that nobody tells him nothing.
According to the British press, the locals are quite enthralled
by Obama and his circus at the G20 Summit.
Harper by contrast seems rather frugal. Instead of with eight
planes, he apparently arrived on a regular WestJet flight,
no doubt flying on AirMiles points, and had his wife along
to iron his good shirt.
Because Harper is not likely to promise Billions to countries,
who did not listen to his advice, he is not scheduled as a
top ten speaker. After all, Canada has less pollution per
square mile than any other country, a balanced budget,
no deficit, no long term debt, and did not bail out any banks.
Obviously he must have been cheating and listening
to his own advice! That really annoys those folks..
Harper will probably leave early. His wife and her mother
usually ride their horses in the parade here, and that is
this Saturday.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
|
Few things are harder to put up with than the
annoyance of a good example.
--- Mark Twain
"Of cheerfulness, or a good temper -
the more it is spent, the more of it remains."
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A pipe burst in a lawyer's house, so he called a plumber.
The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious
plumber-type things for a while, and handed the lawyer a
bill for $600.
The lawyer exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make
that much as a lawyer!"
The plumber replied sympathetically, "Neither did I when I
was a lawyer."
Apparently nobody is interested in old-fashioned tomatoes.
Just in case you are, I still hae the link:
Organic Tomato Magic
A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but was
meeting with considerable sales resistance.
"Shucks, I'd sooner spend my money on a cow," said the farmer.
"Ah," replied the salesman, "but think how silly you'd look riding
around on a cow."
"Humph!" retorted the farmer. "Not near as silly as YOU'd look
trying to milk a bicycle!"
Thanks to Bettie for this picture:
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Richard R. Vermalyea, 32, of Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Talking too loud about his warrants
DELMAR, Md.- A man staying at a Delmar motel who loudly
admitted during a telephone conversation that he was wanted
by authorities ended up in custody early Tuesday after other
patrons staying in adjacent rooms overheard his unwitting
confession and notified police, the Wicomico County Sheriff's
Office said.
At around 1:31 a.m., a sheriff's deputy responded to a
noise complaint at the Traveler's Motel on the 9400 block
of Ocean Highway. Police said that patrons called police
to report that a man staying in one of the motel rooms
was yelling loudly during a phone conversation. The
patrons stated that during the conversation they overheard
the man state that there was an open warrant for his
arrest. The patrons, who were staying in adjacent
rooms, reported that they could hear the man's conversation
and it was disturbing them.
The deputy went to the room in question and located
32-year-old Richard R. Vermalyea of Rehoboth Beach, Del.
It was discovered that Vermalyea was wanted in Cecil County,
Md. on two open warrants. One of the warrants was for
failure to appear in a felony theft case and the other was
for a violation of probation in a felony theft case.
Vermalyea was taken into custody and ordered held on
$10,000 bond each on the two warrants, pending
transfer to Cecil County.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Bonnie
Re: Is Chrome missing common utilities?
Dear Webby,
thanks for your answers and for posting my question on Chrome.
Now I have another problem - in Chrome, whatever site I'm on,
including yours, I lost the "email this picture" and "set as background"
option when I right click, as well as a whole list of other stuff that
the right click brought up. What happened, and how do I get that
back, if I can? The only solution I have is to copy the site name
into Explorer (gag) and wait for it, then right click & choose
email or background. Am I lost altogether?
Bonnie
Dear Bonnie
I am not familiar with Chrome, I just use Firefox.
Quite possible, those options are in add-ons, hat you
need to install.
The best info I could find was:
View the image
Right click on image
select "Copy Image url"
Open an email or IM to the recipient
Paste the copied URL
Have FUN
DearWebby
Hyper Tufa? What is it?
Have you seen garden and yard containers and art work,
that looks like rock or concrete, but is extremely light in
weight? That's Hyper Tufa.
This book shows you how to make all kinds of garden and
yard decorations and art work cheaply and easily.
Make everything from artsy stepping stones to x-rated gnomes
and garden fairies. The
Hyper Tufa book has all the info
you need.
Horse Choir
Wait for the entire screen to load up with all four horses.
Then click on each horse. Make sure your sound is on.
Re-click on any horse to make it turn off or turn it back
on again. Somebody did some real wizardry of
programming to coordinate this!
Horse Choir
Not really serious music, but quite handy for annoying
telemarketers.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Dealing With Fine Hair
If you have fine, tangly hair of any length, keep a comb
in the shower. When you put conditioner on it after shampooing,
comb it out, and voila, no more tangles.
By Sandy from Tallahassee, FL
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
How many frogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One frog and 37 light bulbs, slippery hands, ya know.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A nurse at my hospital received a call from an
anxious woman. "I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too
much sugar today," she said.
"Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked.
"No, not really," the caller answered, "Just a bit at the roots,
but other than that I am a redhead this week."
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Tuesday, May 31, 2011, 06:18 PM -
Posted by Administrator
Bangladeshi Woman Takes Attacker's Penis To Police
by AFP
DHAKA, Bangladesh - A 40-year-old Bangladeshi woman cut off a man's penis during an alleged attempted rape and took it to a police station as evidence, police in a remote part of the country said Monday.
The woman, a married mother of three, was attacked Saturday night while she was sleeping in her shanty in Jhalakathi district, some 120 miles south of Dhaka, officers said.
"As he tried to rape her, the lady cut his penis off with a knife. She then wrapped up the penis in a piece of polythene and brought it to the Jhalakathi police station as evidence of the crime," police chief Abul Khaer said.
The woman filed a case accusing the man -- who is also 40 and a married father of five -- of attempted rape, saying that he harassed her for six months.
The severed penis was kept at the police station, and the rape suspect was undergoing treatment in the hospital.
"We shall arrest him once his condition gets better," Khaer added.
Copyright 2011 AFP. All rights reserved.
http://www.myfoxny.com/dpp/news/interna ... 110531-ncx
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How do I make Chrome the default browser?
Tuesday, May 31, 2011, 09:42 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Tuesday, May 31
A friend in China asked me if the strong rethoric by Chinese
politicians about the US getting Osama Bin Laden, and that
China just gave Pakistan 50 brand new jet fighters, is going
to cause friction with the US.
Not likely. Those jets had probably been ordered by Gadafi,
but he can't receive them right now. To keep the industry
busy, they have to get rid of those jets somehow.
As far as the US is concerned, don't worry. The Sheikh will
apologize.
Walmart, Sears, HP, IBM, DELL, etc. will continue buying
their goods in China, and Microsoft, seems to have shifted
their program development to China.
Remember Maxthon? IE6 turned out to be just like it.
W8 is being tested in China right now.
If here is any interest in what W8 is going to be about,
I'll write about it tomorrow, but I have a hunch, most of you
are just lusting after the machines, that will be powerful
enough to run W8.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
|
In judging others, folks will work overtime for no pay."
--- Socratex
Few things are harder to put up with than the
annoyance of a good example.
--- Mark Twain
"Of cheerfulness, or a good temper -
the more it is spent, the more of it remains."
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Q - What does "DNA" stand for?
A - National Association of Dyslectics.
Since my typo fingers are a bit dyslexic,
I get asked that question quite frequently.
Do you remember the smell and taste of REAL tomatoes?
REAL tomatoes, that you could bite into, and smell a tomato
sandwich from across the room?
If you prefer REAL tomatoes like that, over the bland, tough-
skinned stuff, that has been modified for mechanical harvesting,
long distance transport and the convenience of the stores,
the answer could be on your balcony or window sill.
Organic Tomato Magic
Use Method, not chemicals!
A criminal who had been convicted of several murders and
robbery, was sentenced to death by the judge of the court.
It was decided that the criminal will be shot by a firing
squad on a particular day.
On that very day, the weather was very foul. It rained cats
and dogs. There was not sufficient light to see anything
clearly. But duty is duty so the captain of the squad along
with his five soldiers took the criminal and started walking
to the spot.
On the way the criminal told the Captain,
"See,what a weather! I am not afraid of death, but this day
is not suitable for dying. What do you think?"
"Truly, the weather is very foul", the Captain replied,
"But you are fortunate.You are only going one way.
Just think how soaked we are going to get!
We have to walk all the way back!".
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Gerald Sisneros, 28 in Santa Fe, NM
Man tried to remove curb paint
SANTA FE, N.M. (UPI) -- Police in New Mexico said they arrested
a man who attempted to remove yellow paint from the curb by
his house and shattered the windshield of a patrol car.
Santa Fe police said Gerald Sisneros used paint remover on
the curb outside his home because he disagreed with the
neighborhood association's decision to have it painted as a
no-parking zone, KRQE-TV, Albuquerque, reported Thursday.
Police said Sisneros threw a brick at an arriving patrol car
and shattered the vehicle's windshield. Officers said he
continued to throw items, including a horseshoe that made
contact with an officer.
Investigators said the suspect barricaded himself in his
house and police were able to subdue him with a stun gun
after about 30 minutes.
Sisneros is facing charges including battery on a peace
officer, police said
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Bonnie
Re: Make Chrome the default browser
Dear Webby,
SO very happy to see you're still on the road to a great recovery;
you really had us scared. I have a question that may sound dumb,
but is there a way to get my letter from you to open in Google Chrome
rather than Internet Explorer? IE is so darn slow lately, and
Chrome is so fast, it's really becoming frustrating.
Thanks, and please, stay well.
Bonnie
Dear Bonnie
Just make Chrome your default browser for HTML and HTM files.
Access the Tools menu by clicking on the “wrench” icon
positioned in the upper right hand corner of Chrome.
Click “Options”. This will open Google Chrome Options window.
Click on the “Basics” tab if it is not selected.
In the “Default browser” section click on the button that
says “Make Google Chrome my default browser”.
Once you click this button, a green text will be displayed
saying “The default browser is currently Google Chrome”.
Click “Close” to exit Google Chrome Options window
The "Close" acts like "Apply and OK". Don't escape out
of that screen.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Hyper Tufa? What is it?
Have you seen garden and yard containers and art work,
that looks like rock or concrete, but is extremely light in
weight? That's Hyper Tufa.
This book shows you how to make all kinds of garden and
yard decorations and art work cheaply and easily.
Make everything from artsy stepping stones to x-rated gnomes
and garden fairies. The
Hyper Tufa book has all the info
you need.
A southern woman was rushing to get ready for church.
She ran frantically throughout her house, tore through her
closet, threw her clothes over her head and ran out the
door to her car. When she arrived at the church, she saw a
man coming towards her. "Tell - me," she panted in her
southern drawl, "is - m - ass out?"
"Nope," the man replied, but yer hat's on crooked."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Make "Lasagna" From Leftover Macaroni
Leftover macaroni with tomato sauce can be transformed to
lasagna (instead of using lasagna noodles). Just add some
fresh vegetables and cheese. Put everything on an oiled
baking sheet and bake for 15 minutes at 350 degrees F.
After it's ready put some more cheese on top and serve.
By Danush from CA
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
This one is a real classic:
Mary noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale,
sucking in his stomach.
She commented, "I don't think that's going to help."
"Sure it will." Bob said.
"It's the only way I can see the numbers."
---------
With my scale I have to bend down to be able to read the
little numbers. I had originally bought it many years ago
as a cheap postage scale and never bothered weighing
myself. Now, though, I have to keep track of not only blood
sugar, but also my weight.
One doctor told me to expect to gain 30 pounds or more due
to ending the smoking, and another one told me that the
walking and exercising would convert 15 pounds of lightweight
blubber into 30 pounds of heavy muscle, and a nurse told me
that if I follow the diabetes diet very closely, I would lose
weight. The heart doctor, who did the operation, told me to cut
out salt, and that the daily fluctuations in weight reflected
how much water was retained between cells due to salt.
To figure out what is going on, I enter the numbers into a
spreadsheet every morning. The spreadsheet shows the results
in a neat graph.
I can see the daily fluctuations due to salt. Obviously I don't
gain or loose two pounds in a day. So that is water retention
due to salt.
I also notice a slight and steady creep upward. That is
probably partly due to not smoking any more, and since I
don't need larger pants, it must also be due to the conversion
of fat into muscle.
Looking at the graph sure seems to help staying on target!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A guy wanted to get in the temple on Yom Kippur, but
without a ticket they would not let him in.
He said, "Look, I just want to give a message to a friend
in there."
The guy at the door says, "Sorry, you got to have a ticket."
The first guy replies, "Just let me in for one minute,
then I'll be right out."
"Alright," says the guy at the door, "but I better not
catch you praying."
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Monday, May 30, 2011, 07:58 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Monday, May 30
Happy Memorial Day!
Sunday was very nice and warm, but it sure cooled off after the
sun set, and now it is around freezing. Being close to snow
covered mountains does seem to have some drawbacks!
I did get the lawn cut, front and back. The rainy week sure
made it and the dandylions grow like crazy the moment the
rains stopped. Especially the back lawn was a sea of bright
yellow.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
|
"A person needs a little madness, or else
they never dare cut the rope and be free."
--- Nikos Kazantzakis
A man owned a small farm in South Georgia. The Wage
and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper
wages to his help and sent an agent to interview him.
"You just give me a list of your employees and tell me how
much you pay them."
"All right," said the farmer. "I have a hired man. Been with
me for three years. I pay him $600 a week, plus room and
board. I have a cook. She's been here six months.
She gets $500 a week plus room and board."
"Anybody else?" asked the agent as he scribbled on a note
pad.
"Yeah," the farmer said. "There's a half-wit here. Works
about eighteen hours a day. I pay him ten dollars a week
and give him tobacco."
"A ha!" the agent roared. "I want to talk to that half-wit!"
"You ARE talkin' to him," said the farmer.
Do you remember the smell and taste of REAL tomatoes?
REAL tomatoes, that you could bite into, and smell a tomato
sandwich from across the room?
If you prefer REAL tomatoes like that, over the bland, tough-
skinned stuff, that has been modified for mechanical harvesting,
long distance transport and the convenience of the stores,
the answer could be on your balcony or window sill.
Organic Tomato Magic
Use Method, not chemicals!
We were on our way to the hospital where our 16-year-old
daughter was scheduled to undergo a tonsillectomy. During
the ride we talked about how the procedure would be per-
formed.
"Dad," our teenager asked, "how are they going to keep my
mouth open during the surgery?"
Without hesitation he quipped, "They're going to give you
a phone."
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Bradley Furchak,29, of Millsboro, Delaware
Napping burglar flees with beer in hand
LONG NECK, Del. -- A Delaware burglar is facing charges
after being caught napping in a home and fleeing with a beer
in hand.
Delaware State Police say a 63-year-old woman in Long Neck
woke up to find her front door open and someone sleeping on
her couch. The homeowner told the man she would be calling
police.
The man ran out with a beer -- one of several he apparently
consumed at the house.
Upon arrival, state troopers found that the man had cut a screen
on the woman’s porch to get into the house.
Police say a state trooper later found 29-year-old Bradley
Furchak of Millsboro walking along a road, drinking the beer.
Furchak is charged with burglary, theft, drug and alcohol charges.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Sir Squirrel
Re: What is RSS?
Dear Webby,
Excuse my eg no rance, Webby, but what do the letters RSS
stand for of mean?
Sir Squirrel
Dear Sir Squirrel
RSS stands for Really Simple Syndication
The gory details are at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RSS
In summary, for most people, RSS is an obnoxious nuisance.
For authoritarian figures like probation officers and teachers,
it is an efficient way to distribute assignments and homework.
If you WANT to receive the Humor Letter via RSS, you CAN
install an RSS reader, and tell it to check
http://humor.webby.com/blog/rss.php
You will probably soon unsubscribe from that, but go ahead
and try it for a few days, just to see what it is al about.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Hyper Tufa? What is it?
Have you seen garden and yard containers and art work,
that looks like rock or concrete, but is extremely light in
weight? That's Hyper Tufa.
This book shows you how to make all kinds of garden and
yard decorations and art work cheaply and easily.
Make everything from artsy stepping stones to x-rated gnomes
and garden fairies. The
Hyper Tufa book has all the info
you need.
While digging a shaft into the German homeland, German
scientists discovered small pieces of copper at 50 meters.
After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany
announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago
had a nationwide telephone network.
Naturally, the British government was not that easily
impressed. The British ordered their own scientists to dig
even deeper. At a depth of 100 meters, they discovered
small pieces of glass. Soon the British announced that the
ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide
fiber net.
Israeli scientists were outraged. They dug 50, 100, and
200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing.
The Israelis concluded that the ancient Hebrews 55,000
years ago used bio-degradable cellphones.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Using a Glove on Either Your Right or Left Hand
I'm right handed and while using rubber gloves, I wear out
the right hand glove before the left one. When I have two
perfectly good left hand gloves, I turn one inside out and
instantly I have a right hand glove to go with my other left
hand glove. A little bath powder sprinkled inside the glove
makes it comfortable and easy to get on and off.
Works for me.
By hate litter from NC
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
My cousin took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler,
calling people for their views on various issues.
On her very first call, she introduced myself,
"Hello, this is a telephone poll."
A man replied, "Yeah, and this is a street light!
Did my dog leave some pee-mail on you ?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Johnny asked his father to explain the differences between
irritation, aggravation, and frustration.
His father picked up the phone and dialed a number at random.
When the phone was answered, he asked,
"Can I speak to Bill, please?"
"No! There's no one called Bill here," the person who answered
the phone replied.
His father hung up. "That's irritation," he said.
He picked up the phone again, dialled the same number,
and asked for Bill a second time.
"No, there's no one here called Bill. Go away. If you call again
I'll call the cops," the person replied.
His father hung up and said, "That's aggravation."
"Then what's frustration?" asked Johnny.
His father picked up the phone and dialled the same number
a third time.
"Hello, this is Bill. Have there been any messages for me?"
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Sunday, May 29, 2011, 07:50 PM -
Posted by Administrator
Sometimes you are encouraged about our country's future when you see something like this.
Specifically, there is an annual contest at Texas A&M University calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term.
This year's term was: Political Correctness
The winner wrote:
"Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
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Sunday, May 29, 2011, 07:57 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Sunday, May 29
A lot of people asked me about the confusion at Microsoft, their
CEO Ballmer announcing Windows 8 to be ready next year,
with "Windows 8 slates, tablets, PCs, a variety of different
form factors", and official spokespersons claiming that
"Ballmer may have mis-spoke and Microsoft is looking
forward to the next generation of Windows 7-based hardware."
Yeah, right. W7 is not really loved any more than VISTA was.
Industry and Commerce are hanging on to XP machines and
threatening to migrate to Linux, if they can't get W7+ with
XP pre-installed. Sure people bitch about it, but in the end,
they pay the extra $70 penalty for using XP.
It's not really a bad deal. You get W7 free, on shrink-wrapped
beer coasters, and pay $70 for XP, less than when XP was
still for sale openly.
As for Windows 8, all I know is that it takes a 4 GHz dual
processor and 8 GB of RAM. Imagine how fast XP will fly
on a machine built for W8 ! Yeehaw!!!!!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
|
Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those
in touch with it.
--- Jane Wagner
Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better
about myself.
--- Jane Wagner
Thanks to Flo for this one:
The company I work for offers tours through the historic
district of Annapolis, Maryland, led by guides dressed in
Colonial clothing. While leading a group, Felix, one of
our guides, tripped and fell, breaking his wrist.
He went to the hospital, and as he sat waiting in the
emergency room, a policeman walked by. Doing a double
take at Felix in his 18th-century garb, he asked, "Just
how long have you been waiting?"
Do you remember the smell and taste of REAL tomatoes?
REAL tomatoes, that you could bite into, and smell a tomato
sandwich from across the room?
If you prefer REAL tomatoes like that, over the bland, tough-
skinned stuff, that has been modified for mechanical harvesting,
long distance transport and the convenience of the stores,
the answer could be on your balcony or window sill.
Organic Tomato Magic
Use Method, not chemicals!
MacTavish's little boy was being questioned by the teacher
during an arithmetic lesson. "If you had five dollars," said
the teacher, "and I asked you to lend me three dollars,
how many would you have left?"
"Five," said young MacTavish firmly.
"Five?" the teacher said "How do you make it five?"
"Well," replied young MacTavish "You can ask me to lend
you three dollars, but from the way your car sounds, your
credit rating is shot, and I am not about to lend you any
money."
Click through the picture to the large version.
Geiser, Iceland
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Myra mays, 22, in Bradenton, FL
Shoplifter Goes On Violent Rampage
After Being Asked For Receipt
This is a textbook example of how not to behave when asked for your
receipt at a store's exit. According to the Bradenton, Florida police,
22 year old Myra Mays tried to leave a Walmart with 43 items
she hadn't paid for, worth a total of $211. When asked for
her receipt, she went on a destructive rampage, causing more
than $1,000 worth of damage to merchandise. She also punched
and spat on store employees, and hit a manager with a bar stool
from inside her cart.
She made her way into the parking lot, where she began ramming
carts into cars, then spitting on and punching employees.
When the cops arrived, she chucked her cell phone at them.
She also spit on and kicked a cruiser when she was placed
in the back seat.
She was examined by medics when she arrived at the Manatee
County Jail. That's when she admitted to ingesting pills of
unknown origin. She also barfed all over the place.
Police officers discovered marijuana in her purse, and she
has been charged with, among other things, aggravated
assault and battery.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Brian
Re: RSS or Newsletter
Dear Webby,
What is better, RSS or a newsletter?
This consultant told us to give up our newsletter, and instead
focus on RSS and Social Media for our marketing.
What is your opinion?
Actually, I don't really understand RSS.
Brian
Dear Brian
Put that consultant on commission. Tie his fee to the results
you get by following his advice. I have a hunch he will leave
rather suddenly.
Newsletters, just like newspapers, focus on having new and
fresh content every day.
RSS is based on new content much less frequently, but being
obnoxious about it and lighting up an alert on your desktop,
whenever there is an update.
RSS works fine for home schooling, where a teacher can alert
the kids about new assignments ready for downloading.
In the business world most people unsubscribe from most RSS
alerts in a month or two, but remain subscribed to newsletters.
For example, I have a choice of getting RSS alerts from NASA,
or their emailed newsletter.
I unsubscribed from their RSS many years ago, but still
get their newsletter. I quietly filter it into the NASA box,
and read it, when I have time or need to know something.
Unless you are in an authority position, like a teacher or
probation officer, RSS might be convenient for YOU, but rarely
for your cutomers or potential customers.
Re Social Media: Lots of fun for times, when you are on hold
on the phone. You can amuse your choir and your friends,
but don't expect a lot of new clients, if any.
Since you are more or less expected to have a page on
FaceBook now, just like you were expected to have one on
MySpace a few years ago, it is usually best to delegate that.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Hyper Tufa? What is it?
Have you seen garden and yard containers and art work,
that looks like rock or concrete, but is extremely light in
weight? That's Hyper Tufa.
This book shows you how to make all kinds of garden and
yard decorations and art work cheaply and easily.
Make everything from artsy stepping stones to x-rated gnomes
and garden fairies. The
Hyper Tufa book has all the info
you need.
A lady on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park
said to her guide, "Look at all those big rocks. Wherever did
they come from?"
"The glaciers brought them down," said the guide.
"But where are the glaciers?" The lady asked.
"The glaciers," said the guide in a weary voice,
"have gone back for more rocks."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Using a Glove on Either Your Right or Left Hand
I'm right handed and while using rubber gloves, I wear out
the right hand glove before the left one. When I have two
perfectly good left hand gloves, I turn one inside out and
instantly I have a right hand glove to go with my other left
hand glove. A little bath powder sprinkled inside the glove
makes it comfortable and easy to get on and off.
Works for me.
By hate litter from NC
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A hospital posted a notice in the nurses' break room saying:
"Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life
are the most dangerous."
Underneath, a nurse had written:
"The last five are pretty risky, too."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Two doctors and an HMO manager are killed in a train wreck
and line up at the Pearly Gates for admission to heaven.
Saint Peter asks them to identify themselves.
One doctor steps forward and says, "I was a pediatric spine
surgeon. I helped hundreds of kids overcome their deformities."
Saint Peter says, "Enter."
The other doctor says, "I was a psychiatrist. I helped
rehabilitate thousands of people."
Saint Peter nods and invites him into heaven.
The third applicant steps forward and says, "I was an HMO
manager. I helped countless people get cost-effective health
care."
Saint Peter tells him, "You can come in, too."
As the HMO manager walks by, Saint Peter adds,
"But you can only stay for 3 days..."
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Saturday, May 28, 2011, 10:09 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Saturday, May 28
Still raining. They evacuated the campground down by the
river. That sure reminded me of a flooded campground in
Nanaimo in 1970.
After arriving in New York had hitchhiked up to Montreal
and then westward from there. Even though I had paired up
with a girl from L.A., who was not nearly as naive and
innocent as I was, people delighted in scaring us with all
kinds of stories.
In Winnipeg we got a pup tent in exchange for me mowing
a huge lawn. Then people scared us about rattle snakes crawling
into tents and into sleeping bags. So we bought an orange tarp
big enough to be a floor and one and a half foot high walls
for the tent, after we sewed it all on. We just folded the corners
and did not cut them.
After getting to the end of the continent we took the ferry to
Victoria, trying to get my education papers accredited.
After that, we hitchiked north to Nanaimo and stayed at the
camp ground overnight.
It was a rather noisy night in spite of the rain. Lots of
yelling and commotion all night. Since it was still raining
in the morning, Mary and me were in no hurry to get up,
but when we did, we sure got a surprise!
The campground was flooded and the water was half way
up the sides of the orange anti-snake "tub", even though
I had picked a high spot just from habit.
Some people had built camp fires on top of picnic benches
and were trying to dry their clothes, and there was thick
smoke and fog wafting between the trees. The general mood
was not cheerful at all.
We traipsed around barefoot and in shorts and it took us
almost until noon, until we had everything packed up without
getting anything soaked. The trick was suspending our
packsacks from trees and loading the stuff from the tent
into them.
Even though we were reasonably dry, we were ny no means
warm and comfortable, and we were quite happy to get onto
a ferry and flee back to the mainland.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
|
One can survive everything, nowadays, except
death, and live down everything except a good
reputation.
--- Oscar Wilde
Only drug dealers and software companies
call their customers 'users.'
--- Socratex
What is the difference between mass and weight?
Mass is where Catholics go on Sunday,
and weight is where sundaes go on a Catholic.
Do you remember the smell and taste of REAL tomatoes?
REAL tomatoes, that you could bite into, and smell a tomato
sandwich from across the room?
If you prefer REAL tomatoes like that, over the bland, tough-
skinned stuff, that has been modified for mechanical harvesting,
long distance transport and the convenience of the stores,
the answer could be on your balcony or window sill.
Organic Tomato Magic
Use Method, not chemicals!
At most universities some students operate a "bank" of term
papers and other assignments. Nowadays you just buy a
photocopy, but when I went to University you rented a hand
typed copy for $5, and got $4 back if the number of smudges
and beer stains had not increased noticeably. If it didn't come
back or looked too badly abused, the $4 went to whoever
typed up a fresh copy from the original.
Officially the renter was just supposed to use the rented
papers "for inspiration and as an example". Yeah, right.
A similar system is in operation at the unnamed New
England university where this story happened:
There were papers to suit all needs and as it would look
odd if an undistinguished student suddenly handed in a
brilliant essay, there were papers for an A grade, B grade
and C grade.
A student who had spent the weekend on pursuits other than
his assignment, went to the "bank" and as his course was
a standard one he took out a paper for an inconspicious C,
retyped it and handed the work in.
In due course he received it back with the professor's
comments "I wrote this paper myself twenty years ago. I
always thought it should have had an A, and now I am glad
to give it one!"
Thanks to Glenda for this picture:
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes toEli Hutchins, 24, Lowell, Maine
Naked man crashes truck into house,
tenant fights him off with hammer
(the rear end of his trucks looks better than him)
South Berwick Police say a man crashed his truck into an
apartment building Wednesday night, got out - while naked -
and started fighting with a man he didn't even know in the
building.
Police say it started when 24-year-old Eli Hutchins got into
a fight with his lover at an apartment complex in South Berwick,
then took his truck and rammed it into the building, but police
say that Hutchins drove into the apartment of someone else
whom he doesn't know. Still, the South Berwick police chief
says Hutchins fought with the tenant of the apartment, all
while naked.
The chief says that tenant started hitting the naked suspect
in the head with a hammer to defend himself.
Police showed up and arrested Hutchins immediately;
they say he was quite obviously on drugs.
The tenant and a 7-year-old child were in the building at
the time of the impact, but no one was hurt.
Hutchins is facing several charges, including assault
and operating under the influence.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Brenda
Re: Protect printed pages from weather
Dear Webby,
We have to stick printed pages onto the outside of a metal
door. They don't get rained on directly, but wind blown spray
seems to be bad enough to ruin them sometimes in hours.
What is the best way to protect the prints?
Brenda
Dear Brenda
First, switch from an inkjet, that uses water based ink,
to a laser printer. Laser printers melt colored wax into the
paper. Water just beads off the waxed paper.
The wind will eventually still ruin the paper, but chances
are, by then you have fresh announcements anyway.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Hyper Tufa? What is it?
Have you seen garden and yard containers and art work,
that looks like rock or concrete, but is extremely light in
weight? That's Hyper Tufa.
This book shows you how to make all kinds of garden and
yard decorations and art work cheaply and easily.
Make everything from artsy stepping stones to x-rated gnomes
and garden fairies. The
Hyper Tufa book has all the info
you need.
Trisha is five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly
plump. After she had a minor accident, her sister
accompanied her to the emergency room. The triage
nurse asked for her height and weight, and she blurted
out, "Five-foot-ten, 125 pounds."
While the nurse pondered over this information,
her sister leaned over to her.
"Trisha," she gently chided, "This is not the Internet !"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Protect Garden Plants With Wire Basket
A wire in-basket (the ones that look like a freezer basket)
can work hard outside too. Turn one upside down and place
it over young plants to protect them from curious cats and
other creatures. The metal grid keeps pets from uprooting
or trampling delicate plants, such as herbs, and will allow
your plants to grow freely.
Source: Martha Stewart Living Magazine, March 2004
By cailifouhnofthemist from Williams Lake, B.C.
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Speedy Morris was the basketball coach at LaSalle and they
were having a pretty good season. One morning, he was shaving
and the phone rang. His wife answered it and called out to him
that Sports Illustrated wanted to talk to him.
Coach Morris was excited that his team was apparently about
to receive national recognition in this famous sports magazine.
As a matter of fact, he was so excited that he cut himself with
his razor.
Covered with blood and shaving lather and running downstairs
to the phone, he tripped and fell down the stairs. Finally,
bleeding and bruised, he made it to the phone and breathlessly
said, "Hello, Speedy Morris it is!?"
The voice on the other end asked, "Is this Speedy Morris"?
"Yes, yes!" he replied excitedly.
Then the voice continued, "Mr. Morris, for just Ninety-seven
cents an issue, we can give you a ten-year subscription to
Sports Illustrated!"
His response was "No!", but not quite limited to that one word.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Thanks to Sandie for this story:
A husband reading a newspaper says to his wife, "You know, honey.
I think there might be some real merit to what this article says;
that the intelligence of a father often proves a stumbling block
to the son."
"Well, thank heaven," said the wife. "At least our James has
nothing standing in his way."
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Friday, May 27, 2011, 07:54 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Friday, May 27
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Thank you, Ruby!
Had to go for an eye exam today. Because of my diabetes,
there was a bunch of extra testing, and three different
types of eye dilator drugs put into the eyes. Instead of
wearing off in an hour or so, like these drops normally
used to do, my vision is still blurry now.
If you need to get that done, expect to need a driver for the
rest of the day, and don't plan on doing any reading or
writing. It's a good time to do the floors, though.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
|
"Karaoke bars combine two of the nation’s greatest evils:
people who shouldn't drink with people who shouldn't sing."
--- Tom Dreesen
"There is nobody so irritating as somebody with
less intelligence and more sense than we have."
--- Don Herold
Louisiana:
It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the
bank teller with a water pistol.
Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple
assault," while biting someone with your false
teeth is "aggravated assault."
Do you remember the smell and taste of REAL tomatoes?
REAL tomatoes, that you could bite into, and smell a tomato
sandwich from across the room?
If you prefer REAL tomatoes like that, over the bland, tough-
skinned stuff, that has been modified for mechanical harvesting,
long distance transport and the convenience of the stores,
the answer could be on your balcony or window sill.
Organic Tomato Magic
Use Method, not chemicals!
In a physics lab, which involved light, electricity
and magnetism, one requirement of the course
was to read the week's experiment before coming
to class. At one lab session the instructor wanted
to see how many people had actually done so.
"What are the tthree types of light?" he asked. The
lab fell quiet until one wise guy raised his hand
and said, "Uhhh, Canadian, Bud, and Miller?"
Thanks to Sandie for this picture of her Blood Lily:
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Raufeal Waddy, 22 and Terrel Battle, 26, in
Fayetteville, NC
Police say two men beaten, stabbed and shot
in botched robbery attempt
Two men who police said tried to steal a woman's purse early
Monday got more than they bargained for when as many as 15
of the victim's family members and friends rushed to her aid
and then severely beat, shot and stabbed the robbers.
Fayetteville police officers arrived at the scene of the
melee in the Cambridge Arms apartments about 12:45 a.m.
and found two men lying on the pavement of the parking lot
with multiple stab and gunshot wounds. Police found a
group of the woman's relatives walking in the parking lot
covered in blood.
One of the accused robbers was critically injured in the
attack and remained on life support Monday, police said.
The other was treated at Cape Fear Valley Medical
Center and released.
He was not charged.
Maria Consuelo Ramirez Flores, a longtime friend who knew
the victim's family when they were still in El Salvador, said
through a translator Monday that robberies, break-ins and
other crimes have been persistent problems in the area.
The Hispanic community has gotten fed up, and some
members decided to take matters into their own hands
Monday morning, she said.
According to police, 22-year-old Raufeal Waddy, of the
3900 block of Village Drive, and 26-year-old Terrel Battle,
of the 1100 block of Clark Street, were armed with a
handgun when they tried to rob Maria Guevara, 47, of
her purse.
One of the suspects, a known Blood gang member, was
wearing a red bandana across his face when he
approached Guevara, according to police.
Guevara began screaming, alerting from 10 to 15 family
members and friends who live in the same building,
police spokesman Lt. Chris Davis said. They rushed
out, and one of the alleged robbers fired a shot at them,
he said.
"The round passed through the clothing of Alex Echeverria,
but failed to strike his body," Davis said.
Guevara's family members then ran after the two robbers,
caught them and disarmed them during a struggle, Davis said.
"Both suspects were shot during the initial struggle, with
the suspect's gun, and then the family severely beat,
stabbed and cut both robbers," Davis said.
No charges have been filed yet.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Renee
Re: Print Selection
Dear Webby,
I like to print the tech advice.
How can I do that without coping the whole letter. I highlight
the paragraphs and try to cut copy etc. and it prints the whole
letter.
Renee
Dear Renee
Printing a highlighted section straight out of email quite
often does not work.
After highlighting a section, hit CTRL C
then jump to a text editor or word processor, or spreadsheet,
or even your email.
Put your cursor where you want the copied stuff,
then hit CTRL V to paste.
If you have a 5 button mouse, then of couse just use
the copy and paste buttons on the mouse.
Once you have pasted your selection, you can print that.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Hyper Tufa? What is it?
Have you seen garden and yard containers and art work,
that looks like rock or concrete, but is extremely light in
weight? That's Hyper Tufa.
This book shows you how to make all kinds of garden and
yard decorations and art work cheaply and easily.
Make everything from artsy stepping stones to x-rated gnomes
and garden fairies. The
Hyper Tufa book has all the info
you need.
After being laid off, Judie papered the town with her
resume.
Days passed, and she hadn't received a single phone
call. She decided to take a closer look at the copies her
husband had printed at his real estate office.
Judie quickly realized that he hadn't put blank paper into
the machine. At the bottom of each copy, written in bold
type, was a common real estate disclaimer:
"The information contained herein, while deemed to be
accurate, is not guaranteed."
--------------------------
While that would cause a chuckle to other job seekers,
to an employer that says: "This dingbat is not only
incompetent, but she will steal OUR paper to apply for
her next resume!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Garden Mailbox for Gardening Tools
I use a hand painted decorated mailbox for storing hand
garden tools and garden gloves outside. We recently put
up a new mailbox and I wanted to recycle the old box. I
spray painted the box black. Then I free hand painted
flowers, etc. on the box sides, front and back.
I stenciled "Sherrye's Garden Tools" on the top. I then
sprayed the box with polyethylene to make it weather
resistant as it will be sitting on the back porch. I already
had all the supplies on hand so it only cost me my time.
I will put my hand garden tools, etc. and my garden gloves
in the box.
By Sherrye from GA
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A father noticed that his son was spending way too much
time playing computer games.
In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention
on his schoolwork, the father said to his son,
"When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books
by the light of the fireplace."
The son replied, "Dad, I REALLY don't want to be president
by the time I am your age !!!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Bob, an auto mechanic, received a repair order that
read: "Check for clunking sound when going around corners."
Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and
a moment later he heard a clunk. He then made a left turn
and again heard a clunk.
Back at the shop, he opened the car's trunk, and soon
discovered the problem. Promptly he returned the repair
order to the service manager with this notation:
"Removed bowling ball from trunk".
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Thursday, May 26, 2011, 05:33 PM -
Posted by Administrator
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Great Advertising Campaign
Thursday, May 26, 2011, 05:30 PM -
Posted by Administrator
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Lexmark sabotages older printers with fake driver update
Thursday, May 26, 2011, 07:43 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
It's Thursday, May 26
Thank you, John!
We are definitely back in the cooling ripple. It isn't
Mother Nature making a fool of Al Gore and the grant seekers
any more, this is simply a eturn to the cool period like
we had 30 - 35 years ago.
When the grant seekers start howling about a pending ice
age again, then you will know we are close to the end of
the cooling ripple and will soon get gullible warming again.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
|
You see things; and you say, 'Why?'
But I dream things that never were; and I say,
"Why not?"
--- George Bernard Shaw
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad
people will find a way around the laws.
--- Plato
Thanks to Donnie for this report:
I told my friend ....
This morning I waded across a raging river,
escaped from a bear in the woods,
marched up and down a mountain,
stood in a patch of poison ivy,
crawled out of quicksand,
and climbed up an enormous tree! ...
My friend said, " You must be some outdoorsman!"
"No," I replied, "I'm just a lousy golfer."
Do you remember the smell and taste of REAL tomatoes?
REAL tomatoes, that you could bite into, and smell a tomato
sandwich from across the room?
If you prefer REAL tomatoes like that, over the bland, tough-
skinned stuff, that has been modified for mechanical harvesting,
long distance transport and the convenience of the stores,
the answer could be on your balcony or window sill.
Organic Tomato Magic
Use Method, not chemicals!
A pastor and two of his deacons are out on the river fishing in
their rowboat. Twelve o'clock rolls around, and one of the
deacons notices a nice spot on the bank to have lunch. He
turns to the others and says,
"That looks like a nice spot for lunch. What do you say we
have lunch over there?"
The other deacon agrees, and so does the pastor. The deacon
stands up in the boat, steps out onto the river and walks over
to the bank. The pastor looks on with amazement, and thinks
to himself, if THIS deacon is holy enough to walk on water,
surely he can too.
The other deacon stands up, picks up the picnic basket, steps
out of the boat, and walks over to the bank and sits with the first
deacon. Again, to his amazement, the pastor thinks again,
if even his second deacon is holy enough to walk on water,
then surely he can too.
He stands up, gingerly steps out of the boat, and sinks.
The first deacon turns to the second and says,
"Think we should have told him where the rocks are?"
Click through the picture to the large version.
It's nice and sunny up above.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Mark Endicot Jackson Jr, 40, in Jacksonville, FL
5-Year-Old Steers Car When Father Passes Out
JACKSONVILLE | Authorities say a 5-year-old girl took the
steering wheel and did her best to drive the car off the road
after her father passed out.
The 2010 Camaro jumped a curb, ran over landscaping and
crashed into a parking sign before it came to a stop Monday
evening. A Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office report indicates the
child had a bloody nose and lower lip.
Officers found 40-year-old Mark Endicot Jackson Jr unresponsive
and staring at the ceiling. He later told officials he had taken
Xanax and oxycodone earlier in the day.
Jackson was charged with driving under the influence while
accompanied by a minor. He remained in the Jacksonville
Jail early today, with bail set at $3,000.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Dimitris
Re: Lexmark sabotages printers
Dear Webby
It has been reported that Lexmark is sending messages to the users
to update their firmware, passing these changes off disguised as
"product updates" or "system improvements" or printer enhancements
or similar phrases used by the OEM printer manufacturer.
However, installing these "updates" can leave the printer
unable to accept any but the very newest Lexmark cartridges
and really cause problems with remanufactured Lexmark cartridges.
If you are happy with the printer's performance, then there
will be no benefit for you to accept the phony "firmware upgrades".
If you want to be sure to have the choice of a remanufactured
cartridge from a trusted toner cartridges source like Atlantic Inkjet,
then you should say No to ANY and all changes offered by
Lexmark ® or Samsung ®, Dell ® or IBM ®.
Dimitris
Dear Dimitris
Thank you for that important alert!
Since my printer works just fine with toner from Atlantic Inkjet,
I definitely won't mess with the drivers for it.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Hyper Tufa? What is it?
Have you seen garden and yard containers and art work,
that looks like rock or concrete, but is extremely light in
weight? That's Hyper Tufa.
This book shows you how to make all kinds of garden and
yard decorations and art work cheaply and easily.
Make everything from artsy stepping stones to x-rated gnomes
and garden fairies. The
Hyper Tufa book has all the info
you need.
The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a
backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine
invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and
occasional shotgun blasts at some of them.
"Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one
good thing comes out of this drinking?"
"Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It
makes me miss the folks I shoot at."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Safety Pin to Mark Front When Sewing
When I make sweaters for myself or family, I mark the
front of the sweater on the right side with a small safety pin.
I use safety pins for holding sweater pieces together for
sewing them too. They are small and easy to spot.
By Linda from Kearney, MO
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it
creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking
by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window.
"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.
Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within
five minutes, however, it stops again.
The woman sees the same conductor walk by again.
She leans out the window and yells, "What happened?
Did we catch up with the cow again..?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in
a long long line for judgment. As he stood there he noticed
that some souls were allowed to march right through the gates
of heaven - others, though, were led over to Satan who threw
them into a burning fire pit.
Every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire,
Satan would toss the soul to one side in a small pile.
After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's
curiosity got the better of him. So he strolled over and
tapped Satan on the shoulder.
"Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting in
line for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering why are you
tossing those souls aside instead of flinging them into the
fires of hell with the others?"
"Ah," Satan said with a grin. "Those are from Seattle ...
they're too wet to burn!"
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Wednesday, May 25, 2011, 10:34 PM -
Posted by Administrator
The Truth About the Israeli "Occupiers"
By Robert Ringer
Now that our dear leader has again shown his contempt for Israel and his sentimental attachment to radical Muslims, Israelis are feeling the heat from Jew haters worldwide more than at any time since World War II. Obama's modern-day version of the final solution is for Israel to simply cooperate in its own suicide by giving up the Golan Heights, the West Bank, and the Gaza Strip. (Predictably, he has since fudged a bit on the issue for political purposes.)
Read More Here...
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What is so special about Word Perfect 5.1?
Wednesday, May 25, 2011, 08:48 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Wednesday, May 25
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says Europe 'stealing Iran's rain'.
Iran's version of Sheikh Obama, president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
has accused Western countries of plotting to "cause drought" in
Iran by using high tech equipment to drain the clouds of raindrops.
Because Mother Nature doesn't like bullshitters, moments after the
Iranian president made the startling claim at the inauguration of
a dam in a central province, it started to rain.
He got soaked.
Amazing what some boneheads will do to amuse us!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
|
"Never offend people with style when you can offend
them with substance."
--- Sam Brown
"A German psychologist says that women talk more
than men because they have a bigger vocabulary.
But, it evens out because men only listen half the time."
--- Jay Leno
Customer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop:
"Give me four of those pinwheels, two of those pink flamingos,
two of the sunflowers, and one of those bent-over grandma
in bloomers."
Cashier reply's: "That'll be eight dollars for the pinwheels,
ten dollars for the flamingos, six dollars for the sunflowers,
and an apology to my wife!"
Do you remember the smell and taste of REAL tomatoes?
REAL tomatoes, that you could bite into, and smell a tomato
sandwich from across the room?
If you prefer REAL tomatoes like that, over the bland, tough-
skinned stuff, that has been modified for mechanical harvesting,
long distance transport and the convenience of the stores,
the answer could be on your balcony or window sill.
Organic Tomato Magic
Use Method, not chemicals!
Steve wasn't feeling well and so he went to the doctor to get
himself checked.
After a thorough examination, the doctor said, "Well, Steve,
based on my examination, the best thing for you is to cut out
all sweets and fatty foods, give up alcohol, and stop smoking."
"To be honest with you, Doc," said Steve, "I don't deserve the
best. What's the SECOND best?"
Thanks to Debbie for this picture:
Click through the picture to the large version.
Dear Webby,
Just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate all your
time and effort answering my questions, I don't know how
you do it!
Do you actually answer all your email or do you little elves
helping you?
I wanted to share this picture I took here in S.C. on my
mother's deck,
Debbie
Dear Debbie
There are no elves around here, but sometimes it gets
rather late.
DearWebby
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Andrew Hallock, 27 in Sebastian, Florida
Son Arrested after Explosives Burn Mother
SEBASTIAN, Fla. -- A Sebastian man faces charges of making
a destructive device after an explosion in a shed behind a home
sent his mother to the hospital.
Investigators say 27 year-old Andrew Hallock was actually
responsible for two explosive devices. Sunday afternoon,
Hallock's mother, 63 year-old Nancy Galuppo, was cleaning
out a shed behind her home on Shakespeare Street when
an explosion nearly blew out the walls. Galuppo was flown
to Orlando Regional Medical Center where she is in
critical condition.
While questioning Hallock, detectives discovered there
was a second improvised explosive device in Hallock's
home on Mulberry Street.
That device was detonated overnight at the Sebastian
airport by the St. Lucie County Sheriff's Bomb Squad.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Elsie
Re: What is so special about Word Perfect 5.1?
Dear Webby
What is so special about Word Perfect 5.1?
I have seen it even on employment application forms and
often wondered what's the big deal about an old program
like that, when I can use a much newer program.
Elsie
Dear Elsie
Word Perfect 5.1 is the last Word Perfect version, that is not
WYSIWIG. There IS a print preview, but for fast professional
work, you machine-gun the text in at top speed, then spell-check
and proof read, and pretty it up at the same time.
In the same spirit of maximum speed, WOP had every function
and command available as a hot-key. Especially, when the
function keys were still at the left of the keyboard, where
touch typists could hit them without breaking their stride,
that speeded things up considerably. You didn't have to
take a hand off the keyboard and tediously mouse around.
Since WordPerfect 5.1 is from before WYSIWIG.
The screen is a dark blue, regular text is a greyish white.
VERY easy on the eyes. Special formatting is shown in
different colors.
Yes, it does take some learning and practising, just like
piloting a jet takes some learning and practising, but the
high performance results are quite desireable.
Or were, at one time.
In the late 80's and 90's the work flow in offices changed.
Computers started to look like fun, and easy enough for
execs to use. At the same time, Women's Liberation and
unions changed the typing pools. Nowadays the typing
is done by execs and agents themselves, and instead of
high speed, the emphasis is on the letters to look pretty.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Aquaponics is back!
They were just overwhelmed with orders
and their server could not cope.
Aquaponics is on special for $37 instead of the normal $97!
Actually, if you act like you were leaving the site, you can
get it all for $19!
What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology
some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the
time and two to ten times the crop per square foot?
Yes, it sure is!
It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces
all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that
cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish.
Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal!
You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book
tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes
and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs.
If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab
Aquaponics, while it is on sale!
AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books!
By the way, there is no weeding necessary with
Aquaponics!
Heather and Marcy hadn't seen each other in awhile, so they
decided to meet for lunch. The talk naturally got around to
their respective love lives. Marcy confided that there really
wasn't anyone special in her life.
Heather, on the other hand, was beaming about the new man
she had found. "He's perfect. He's handsome, and last night
when we went out to dinner, he said the five little words I've
been waiting to hear a man say to me!"
"He said 'Heather, will you marry me'?" Marcy asked.
Heather replied, "No, he said 'Tonight I'll pay for supper'."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Organizing Jewelery With Ice Cube Trays
Use ice cube trays to organize jewelry. A few trays will fit
nicely into your bureau drawer, and you can use the divided
compartments to keep earrings together and to separate
small-chain necklaces.
By NatashaLee from New England
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a
natural-history lesson.
"Worker ants," she told them, "can carry pieces of food five
times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?"
One child was ready with the answer: "Dumb Republicans!
They need a union."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
At our local funeral home families are given the chance to
chose the music they would like to enter the service to.
One family asked to enter to Elvis Presley's hit, "Love me
Tender."
The day of the funeral arrived and the music was started
ready for the family to walk in to the service.
Unfortunately the wrong track number was entered into the
CD player, and the family found themselves walking in to,
"Return to Sender."
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Tuesday, May 24, 2011, 04:27 PM -
Posted by Administrator
I was in the pub the other day telling that joke, "What do you do if you see an epileptic have a fit in the bath? Throw in your washing."
We were all having a good laugh about this when someone tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me mate, but I don't find that funny. My brother was epileptic and he died in the bath during a fit."
I said, "I'm ever so sorry mate, did he drown?"
"No," he said, "he choked on a sock."
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Is Word Perfect still around?
Tuesday, May 24, 2011, 07:23 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Tuesday, May 24
Thank you, Teresa!
Thank you, Sig!
My Heroes!
Looks like Sheikh Obama backpedaled from his idea,
that Israel should retreat to a 9 mile wide country, like it
was before 1967, after Netanyahu told him that won't happen
until after the US gives Texas back to Mexico.
To Sheikh Obama's surprise, Texas apparently won't
cooperate either.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
|
There is nothing more dreadful than imagination
without taste.
--- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do
with the time we have rushed through life trying to save."
--- Will Rogers
One night Buffy brought her boyfriend home to meet her
parents, and they were appalled by his appearance;
fake leather jacket, cowboy boots, tattoos and pierced
nose.
Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and
confessed their concern. "Buffy," said the mother
diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter,
"if he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of
community service?"
Do you remember the smell and taste of REAL tomatoes?
REAL tomatoes, that you could bite into, and smell a tomato
sandwich from across the room?
If you prefer REAL tomatoes like that, over the bland, tough-
skinned stuff, that has been modified for mechanical harvesting,
long distance transport and the convenience of the stores,
the answer could be on your balcony or window sill.
Organic Tomato Magic
Use Method, not chemicals!
Each Friday night I drove my wife to the train station so
she could go visit HER sister who was ill.
Ten minutes later, MY sister arrived by train so that she
could manage our house over the weekend, while my
wife was gone and I was out coaching.
On Sundays this procedure worked in reverse with my
sister departing by train ten minutes before my wife
arrived.
One evening after my sister left and while I awaited my
wife's arrival, a porter sauntered over.
"Mister," he said, "you sure have some system going!
But one of these days the 5:25 train is gonna be late
and you're gonna get caught!"
Thanks to Betty for this picture:
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Darin Hickman, 46 of Staten Island, NY
He also earned a Darwin Award.
Thief jumps 200 feet and survives dies.
ELIZABETH, N.J., May 22 (UPI) -- A Staten Island, N.Y., man out
on bail for allegedly stealing an expensive handbag survived a
200-foot jump after allegedly stealing another one, police say.
Hickman had a lengthy criminal record dating back to at least
the 1980s, and his third stint in New York state prison --
for a 2005 possession of stolen property and a forged
instrument conviction -- ended in February 2010,
according to public records.
New York Port Authority police were chasing Darin Hickman, 46,
after he allegedly shoplifted a tony Louis Vuitton purse from a
mall in New Jersey. Just as Hickman got close to the Goethals
Bridge in Elizabeth, N.J., he rammed a police car, causing his
Mitsubishi Diamante to catch fire, the New York Post reported
Sunday.
Hickman jumped out of the car and bolted down the highway
and then he made a totally unexpected move, police said.
"Suddenly, he makes a hard left -- and falls 200 feet!" an
officer on the scene marveled. "I still, to this moment, can't
believe what I saw. This mope threw himself off a bridge,
and has no external injuries and seems to be fine."
When police and firefighters discovered Hickman alive
and breathing, all he wanted to know was, "How's my car?"
the officer said.
The alleged robber was out on bail for stealing a comparable
Louis Vuitton bag worth $2,500 last week.
Jones said that initial reports stated Hickman, who was
captured by the authorities in the marsh, appeared to be
uninjured.
"He seemed to be coherent and conscious," Jones told The Item.
However, Hickman apparently suffered internal injuries and
was transported to University Hospital in Newark, where
he died around 11:26 a.m.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Darla
Re: Is Word Perfect still around?
Dear Webby
My gramma wrote a lot about the family history, but it is
all in Word Perfect format. Can that be converted, or is Word
perfect still around?
Darla
Dear Darla
Word Perfect is still around and still has Millions of loyal
fans and users. It is part of the Corel Office suite now.
You can run it in Word Perfect Mode,
Word Perfect Classic (5.1)
Word Perfect Legal
or Microsoft Word mode.
Typists and correspondents, who get paid according to how
many letters they answer per day, swear by the Classic 5.1
mode. That's the 100 words per minute crowd.
Legal transcribers are also quite fanatic about it.
All those modes are not different versions. You simply
select which mode you want to use for any file.
Corel Office is priced professionally, however, you can
usually get previous year's versions at eBay for $10 - $50.
Corel Office also includes Quattro, my favorite spreadsheet
program.
You can also use Open Office. It will pick up Word perfect
files and will even let you save them bak into that format.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Aquaponics is back!
They were just overwhelmed with orders
and their server could not cope.
Aquaponics is on special for $37 instead of the normal $97!
Actually, if you act like you were leaving the site, you can
get it all for $19!
What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology
some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the
time and two to ten times the crop per square foot?
Yes, it sure is!
It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces
all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that
cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish.
Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal!
You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book
tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes
and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs.
If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab
Aquaponics, while it is on sale!
AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books!
By the way, there is no weeding necessary with
Aquaponics!
Anna's third-grade class students were bombarding her with
questions about her newly pierced ears.
"Does the hole go all the way through?"
"Yes."
"Did it hurt?"
"Just a little."
"Did they stick a needle through your ears?"
"No, they used a special gun."
Silence followed,
and then one solemn voice called out, "How far away did
they stand?"
Little Johnny tried answering that one:
"Well, the way your ears stick out like a open barn doors,
I could do it from fifty feet with my '22."
Ann breathed a sigh of relief. She had been afraid somebody
would ask if they got both ears with one shot.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Ice Cream Sundae Bar for Memorial Day
An easy dessert for your backyard Memorial Day gathering is to
set up an Ice Cream Sundae "bar" with several varieties of ice
cream, toppings, chopped candy bar and cookie pieces,
whipped cream, and cherries, of course. Kids love it and
adults get pretty creative too! Don't forget the extra napkins!
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the
bride, "As you give your daughter's hand to the bridegroom,
you should say something nice to him."
The father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice.
During the wedding ceremony, he placed the bride's hand
on his son-in-law's arm and said:
"No deposit, no return."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Recently a large seminar was held for ministers in training.
Among the guests were many well-known motivational speakers.
One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the
entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life
were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The
crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman
was my mother!" The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his
speech, which went over well.
About a week later one of the ministers who had attended the
seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly
approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse
the joke in his head. It seemed a bit foggy to him this
morning.
Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years
of my life were spent in the arms of another woman,
that was not my wife!"
His congregation sat shocked.
After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall
the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out,
"...and I can't remember who she was!"
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Expired Microsoft WORD and EXCEL
Monday, May 23, 2011, 09:40 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Monday, May 23
Thank you, Elizabeth!
Thank you, Staza!
Thank you Rebbie!
My Heroes!
Today's picture reminds me of a trip down the Musqua, Nelson
and Liard river many years ago, in 72. I left with three friends
at 4am, at the end of a wild party. We were going to try and
get jobs at the construction of the Smokey Mountain pipeline.
Yes, we were quite naive and not very sober.
We rafted with an abandoned plywood river boat. No motor,
not even a paddle.
It was quite an adventure!
A few hours before we got to Fort Liard, the sky behind us
looked just like in that picture, except the Liard river is about
three times as wide. We KNEW we were going to get soaked.
So I suggested cutting some saplings on the shore, and tying
up all the blankets we had as sails, because, I figured, the
wind would hit us before the rain.
Pretty soon we were clipping down that river at incredible
speeds. Picture 4 bearded hippies (remember , it was 1972)
on a rickety "boat", that looked like a hijacked sand box,
with four blankets rigged in a rather haywire fashion,
trailing a long steering oar and a fair bit of white water,
just a hooting and hollering, and knowing, that if we hit a
log jam or gravel bar doing 50 miles an hour, it would be
very messy and very painful.
The log jams had been dynamited before the ice went out,
and were just at the upward tips of islands. We managed to
avoid hitting any of those and got to Fort Liard, just as the
first big drops fell. We hit the shore and rode the bow wave
up the sand about 30 feet, grabbed our stuff and ran up the
bank to the porch of an abandoned store.
After all our stuff was safe and dry, we stood out in the
downpour for a very overdue shower.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
|
Most people would succeed in small things, if they were not
troubled with great ambitions.
---Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Some are born great, some achieve greatness,
and some hire public relations officers.
--- Daniel J. Boorstin
Thanks to Donnie for this story:
Sarah dropped in on her sister Molly and found her sitting
at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of
coffee, her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room.
"What's wrong Molly?" she asked.
Molly told her that she had morning sickness.
Surprised, Sarah said, "Hurray! I didn't even know you
were pregnant!"
"I'm not," the harried middle-aged mother replied.
"I'm just sick of mornings."
-----------
Try changing the coffee grounds more frequently!
Do you remember the smell and taste of REAL tomatoes?
REAL tomatoes, that you could bite into, and smell a tomato
sandwich from across the room?
If you prefer REAL tomatoes like that, to the bland, tough-
skinned stuff, that has been modified for mechanical harvesting,
long distance transport and the convenience of the stores,
the answer could be on your balcony or window sill.
Organic Tomato Magic
Use Method, not chemicals!
Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she
looked up suspiciously at her husband.
"Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from Mother
saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay,
as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by
that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at
her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?"
"Er, yes, I did," said the husband. "But I couldn't spell
convenience, so I made it risk."
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Charles Smallwood, 40, in Acron, Ohio
Duct Tape Sticks Akron Man to 10 Years in Prison
(Akron) - An Akron man who pleaded guilty to aggravated burglary
and robbery will spend six years in prison. 40-year-old
Charles Smallwood was also sentenced to an additional four
years on two other pending cases for a total ten year sentence.
The victim, who was 91-years-old at the time of the offense,
was awakened around 2:30 a.m. on August 5 when two men
broke into his house. The burglars put duct tape on one of the
windows so there would not be noise when they broke in.
The burglars went to the victim’s bedroom and pushed him
around and hit him with a screwdriver, demanding money.
The victim began to yell, at which point they found some
money in the pants he had worn that day. They took off
before police got there.
The victim could not identify the suspects, so DNA was
taken from the duct tape on the window. There was a hit on
Smallwood and a swab was obtained. His DNA matched the
DNA on the duct tape.
Summit County Prosecutor Sherri Bevan Walsh says,
“The number of uses for duct tape just increased by one
– crime solving.”
Smallwood was on community control for a 2009 case for
failure to comply with a police officer when he committed
this offense. He was also awaiting sentencing on a 2010
case for breaking and entering.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Elsie
Re: Expired Microsoft WEIRD and EXCEL
Dear Webby
We got a few computers for work from Dell. They came with
some kind of sneaky trial of Microsoft office pre-installed.
Now, all of a sudden, that stopped working, and we are
supposed to pay serious money, just to keep using it.
All we need is WEIRD and EXCEL, none of the other stuff.
What do bigger companies do about that?
Elsie
Dear Elsie
Not just bigger, but also small companies use Open Office.
It is free. It will pick up WORD and Excel files, and even lets
you save them in WORD or Excel format, not just in Open
format. You can continue using the old format, and gradually
switch to the Open format.
You can download it from http://www.openoffice.org/
Open Office Write and Calc do everything WORD and Excel used
to do, but the switch may take some people a bit of getting
used to. It's well worth it, though.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Aquaponics is back!
They were just overwhelmed with orders
and their server could not cope.
Aquaponics is on special for $37 instead of the normal $97!
Actually, if you act like you were leaving the site, you can
get it all for $19!
What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology
some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the
time and two to ten times the crop per square foot?
Yes, it sure is!
It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces
all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that
cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish.
Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal!
You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book
tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes
and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs.
If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab
Aquaponics, while it is on sale!
AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books!
By the way, there is no weeding necessary with
Aquaponics!
Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend
received a jury-duty notice. She called to remind the people
at the clerk's office that she was exempt because of her age.
"You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms," they said.
"I've already done that," she replied. "I did it last year."
"You have to do it every year," she was told.
"Why?" came the response. "Do you think I'm going to get
younger, or are YOU getting too old and forgetful?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Rosemary For Skewers
Rather than buying skewers I use branches off of my rosemary
bush. I cut them approximately 12 inches long. After thoroughly
washing the branch, I strip the leaves and either dry them in
the oven or use them fresh.
I use a knife to put a point on the branch and "thread" on
onions, pineapple, chunks of chicken and bell peppers.
The taste imparted when put on the barbecue is heavenly.
Equally successful is roasting them in the oven at 375
degrees F. This is just my favorite recipe. Your imagination
and taste can guide you to the food you put on your skewers.
By Maryinaz from AZ
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was
responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at
the end of the season.
When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat
that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several
patients and their families in a waiting area.
"Look, honey," one man said to his wife. "Here comes your
anesthesiologist."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
That baseball bat joke reminds me of this one:
A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept
complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache.
Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no
earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache.
Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from
some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it.
The doctor assured the nurse, "Don't worry about a thing. He
really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the
operation we ran out of anesthetic."
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Sunday, May 22, 2011, 09:59 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Sunday, May 22
Thank you, Anita!
Thank you, Neil!
Thank you Patricia!
Thank you, Chuck!
Thank you, Marilyn!
Thank you, Ruth!
Thank you, Richard!
Thank you, Lisa!
Thank you Thomas!
Thank you, Bonita!
Thank you, Carl!
My Heroes!
Click through the picture to the large version.
A few people asked about how much it costs to send money with PayPal.
It doesn't cost the sender anything.
The recipient pays for the transaction, same as with bank transfers.
With commercial transactions, for example, when you are paying
an invoice or buying something, the recipient pays 30 cents plus 2.9%.
Because of the flat fee 30 cents, that is a big chunk out of a single dollar,
but negligible on a larger amount.
If you want to transfer money to a kid or spouse,
if it is from a PayPal account to another PayPal account, it is free.
Overall, it is a good deal, and better than any other method, that
I have seen. And the sender never pays. Always the smiling recipient.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
|
To get the last word in: Apologize
--- Socratex
'Whatever you are, be a good one.'
--- Abraham Lincoln
Jews don't recognize Christ as their savior,
Catholics don't recognize Jews,
Baptists don't recognize one another in the liquor store,
and moonshiners don't buy corn in their own village.
Gluten Free Low Glycemic Cookbook for Diabetics,
Allergy Sufferers and all food sensitive people.
This Cookbook is gluten-free, low-glycemic,
allergy-aware with meat, vegetarian and vegan
options throughout. There isn't another product
like it on or offline! Yes, it's unique!
Get Fun with GF/LG Food now!
One rainy evening John and his wife emerged from a
restaurant only to find that he had locked the keys in the car.
He insisted he could open the door with a wire coat hanger,
so they went back to the restaurant to get one. There were
none to be found.
John then ran to a department store a quarter-mile away and
returned with a hanger. After a few attempts, he got the door
open and they climbed in. As they sat there, soaked and cold,
he stuck the hanger under his seat.
With a smug grin, he said, "Now if this ever happens again,
I'll have a coathanger ready!"
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Stevie Hickey, 22, New Kensington, PA
Vain 21 year old runs over her father
NEW KENSINGTON, Pa. (AP) - A Pennsylvania woman will stand
trial on charges she fed marijuana-laced margarine to a 12-year-old
girl she was baby-sitting, as well as two other children at her home.
The 12-year-old's mother called Upper Burrell Township police after
discovering the drugs in a tub of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter in
22-year-old Stevie Hickey's freezer. The woman tells police Hickey
spread the substance on two pieces of toast that Hickey gave to the girl.
Police say Hickey told the girl it was "parsley butter" but later
acknowledged to police that it was marijuana.
The Valley News Dispatch in Tarentum reports Hickey remains free
after waiving her right to a preliminary hearing on marijuana
possession and child endangerment charges May 10.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Jacqui
Re: Facebook Cursor
Hi Webby
re the facebook cursor problem
for God's sake don't click on it it's a hacker.
There has been lots of trouble on facebook with the logo popping up
asking you to log in again - but it's this damn hacker.
They get their kicks by going into your profile and screwing around
etc etc
all the best
Jacqui
Thanks, Jacqui!
Some people wrote and figured the problem is due to
IncredibleSilly Mail, and some figured it was due to tool
bars like the Yahoo tool bar. Since I don't use those,
I can't verify those suggestions, but I definitely would
suggest getting rid of any and all optional tool bars.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Magic trick: The Revelation Effect -
Mentalism and Mind Reading!
The Revelation Effect is the #1 Mentalism
and Mind Reading Trick that you can do Anywhere,
Anytime to Anyone.
100% effective mind reading!
Not intended for serious interrogation,
but for entertainment. Quickly become an
effective magician and awe your audience!
Get the Revelation Effect!
Stevie Hickey
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some
friends when the subject of marriage counselling came up.
"Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great
relationship," the wife explained.
"He was a communications major in college and I majored
in theater arts."
"He communicates real well and I act like I'm listening."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Remove Pet Hair with Washcloth
Removing pet hair from any cloth surface is easy if you use
a damp washcloth. Wipe cushions or clothing in one direction
only and the hair will lift off. You can also try a damp sponge
mop to remove pet hair from your carpets. Again wipe in
one direction only and the hair will just pile up and can be
easily picked up by hand.
Source: Dog Fancy Magazine
By Teri from Tionesta, PA
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Jim for this one:
I graduated from a private school that I didn't like much.
Once I was out of there, I had no particular desire to ever
contribute to their latest fund drive or athletic events.
Sure enough, Alumni Affairs staff called my folks, got my
current number and tracked me down. 'So, what have you been
doing with yourself?' the perky alumnus asked.
I responded, "Oh, not a lot. Just what I learned in college:
Stealing cars, selling dope and running moonshine."
They've never called back.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chick
Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked
up the menu and studied it with an appraising eye.
"We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said finally.
"Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That's the chef. He does
not like being boiled or fried."
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Saturday, May 21, 2011, 04:16 PM -
Posted by Administrator
Q:
Where can single men over the age of 50 find younger women who are interested in them?
A:
Try a bookstore, under Fiction.
Q:
What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A:
Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done, you will have a place to live.
Q:
Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible... Is that true?
Where can it be found?
A:
Yes. Matthew 14:92:
"And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt..."
Q:
How can you increase the heart rate of your over-50 year-old husband?
A:
Tell him you're pregnant.
Q:
How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A:
Take off your glasses.
Q:
Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A:
Go braless. It will usually pull them out..
Q:
Why should 50-plus year old people use valet parking?
A:
Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q:
Is it common for 50-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A:
Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.
Q:
As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A:
Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q:
Where should 50-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A:
On their foreheads.
Q:
What is the most common remark made by 50-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A:
"Gosh, I remember these!"
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Saturday, May 21, 2011, 10:21 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Saturday, May 21
Thank you, Melissa!
Thank you, John!
Thank you Ron!
Thank you, Doug!
Thank you Frank!
Thank you, Ann! 
It sure was a hectic birthday. In the morning I had to get my
feet checked. Apparently, diabetics at my level ae not supposed
to do their toe nails and sand their callouses themselves, because
you can't feel it, when you go to deep, and before you know it,
you caused a problem, that won't go away. So Chris at Aestyou
takes care of my feet once a month.
After that things went downhill. At the post office there were
disconnect notices from the phone company, the electrical
company, and the gas company.
So I started phoning people, who owe me money, and asked
Barb to come in and do her fancy account shuffling.
By mid afternoon we managed to postpone the end of the world
to the end of the month.
Then I got Ophelia Dingbatter's birthday present.
She asked her subscribers to send me a donation.
Six of them did!
I was able to put a few more dollars onto the overdue utility
invoices, and kept enough mad money to buy myself a small steak
at the store.
Thanks!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
|
If the English language made any sense,
a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.
--- Doug Larson
I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
--- Tom Stoppard
Thanks to Sandie for this:
I was having trouble with the idea of turning 30 and was oversensitive
to any signs of advancing age. When I found a prominent gray
hair in my bangs, I pointed to my forehead.
"Have you seen this"? I indignantly asked my husband.
"What"? he asked. "The wrinkles"?
Gluten Free Low Glycemic Cookbook for Diabetics,
Allergy Sufferers and all food sensitive people.
This Cookbook is gluten-free, low-glycemic,
allergy-aware with meat, vegetarian and vegan
options throughout. There isn't another product
like it on or offline! Yes, it's unique!
Get Fun with GF/LG Food now!
"Sir," said the timid employee to his boss,
"my wife says I'm to ask you for a raise."
"Fine," the boss replied.
"I'll ask my wife if I can give you one."
.Thanks to Betty for this picture:
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Brittanie Wagner, Bradenton, Florida
Vain 21 year old runs over her father
MAY 19--Driving without her glasses, a 21-year-old Florida
woman early today struck a pedestrian walking on the side
of the road. But it was only until Brittanie Wagner was pulled
over by a cop for leaving the scene of an accident, that she
realized the victim was her own father, according to a
police report.
Wagner told investigators that she initially thought she hit
“an animal or a garbage can” while driving along a Bradenton
street around 1 AM. But when her passenger said that a person
was actually struck, Wagner arrived at an unfortunate realization.
“Oh my God I hit my Dad,” Wagner exclaimed to her friend,
since her father was the only one typically walking on that
road at that time of night.
Wagner, pictured smiling for the police mug shot, told cops
that she came to that conclusion “not because she recognized
him but because she knows he always walks on that particular
roadway.”
It was more or less an admission to knowing she hit somebody,
she just had not realized she had hit her own father until the
cops stopped her.
According to Wagner’s fiancé, Kevin Rodriguez, she was
serving as designated driver for a friend who was intoxicated.
Oliver Wagner, who was treated at a local hospital for minor injuries,
was helping to arrange his daughter’s release this afternoon
from the Manatee County jail, said Rodriguez.
The car was damaged but is repairable.
In addition to the leaving the scene of an accident count,
Wagner was charged with failing to obey a restriction on her
driver’s license requiring her to wear eyeglasses while
operating a motor vehicle.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Carol
Re: Facebook Cursor
Hi Webby,
Another question for you....I am not a Face Book participant,
but for some unknown reason my cursor lights up with a
Face Book icon when I cross over some subjects while on line.
I have never even visited Face Book to see what it's all about.
How can I get rid of this annoying icon??
You've been having some very beautiful pictures as of late....
Thanks,
Carol
Dear Carol
I have never seen that and can't find any mention of that
problem anywhere.
Maybe one fo the readers has seen it r heard about it?
If anbody knows about that Facebook cursor problem,
please hit reply and tell me!
Have FUN
DearWebby
Magic trick: The Revelation Effect -
Mentalism and Mind Reading!
The Revelation Effect is the #1 Mentalism
and Mind Reading Trick that you can do Anywhere,
Anytime to Anyone.
100% effective mind reading!
Not intended for serious interrogation,
but for entertainment. Quickly become an
effective magician and awe your audience!
Get the Revelation Effect!
This one is a classic:
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his
sobbing wife.
Tearfully, she explained, "It's the druggist. He insulted me
terribly this morning on the phone.
"Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the
druggist and demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist
told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it.
This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting
up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just
to realize that I locked the house with both house and car
keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys.
Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later,
when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire.
When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people
waiting for me to open upm and the phone was already
ringing non-stop.
I got the store opened and started waiting on these people,
and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook."
He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against
the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled
all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick
up the nickels; the phone was still ringing anf getting me
more than a bit annoyed.
When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer
which made me stagger back against a showcase with a
bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and
broke. You can imagine the stench of that mixed up perfume
overload!
Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally
got back to answer it.
It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal
thermometer.
And believe me Mister, as God is my witness,
all I did was tell her!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Remove Pet Hair with Washcloth
Removing pet hair from any cloth surface is easy if you use
a damp washcloth. Wipe cushions or clothing in one direction
only and the hair will lift off. You can also try a damp sponge
mop to remove pet hair from your carpets. Again wipe in
one direction only and the hair will just pile up and can be
easily picked up by hand.
Source: Dog Fancy Magazine
By Teri from Tionesta, PA
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
When my neighbor's son Billie came home from college for
the summer, it only took him 2 seconds to recreate the
"look and feel" of his dorm room. He opend his suitcase and
his backpack, and rotated rapidly about three times.
He used to be quite a snappy dresser in highschool, and his
parents were quite disenchanted when they noticed that his
dressing style had dropped to about the same level as the
organization in his room.
Over dinner, they tried to touch on the informal versus formal
dress codes that life outside of college might require. Billie,
however, shared his own firmly held dress code guidelines:
1. informal: sock (s) not required
2. semiformal: two socks required
3. formal: both socks must match
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Several women were visiting an elderly friend who was ill.
After awhile, they rose to leave and told her; "We will
keep you in our prayers."
"Just wash the dishes in the kitchen," the ailing woman said,
"I can do my own praying."
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