Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, February 12

Today it warmed up to almost 20, MINUS 20. Yesterday, when I
brought the garbage out, it was -32. The kids at the school
across the street were on break, yelling and screeching and
running around just like in summer. It did not bother them one
bit, and some were stockpiling snow balls, in case a teacher came
outside. They had a good time.

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Naked woman chased man out of hotel and 
through traffic claiming ‘I’m not crazy.'

______________________________________________________
Today, February 12 in
1973 The State of Ohio went metric, becoming the first 
in the U.S. to post metric distance signs.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person.
--- Ethel Mumford
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation 
kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible 
headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, 
there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining 
of a headache. 

Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering 
from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor 
about it. 

The doctor assured the nurse, "Don't worry about a thing. 
He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway 
through the operation we ran out of gas and the anesthetic 
nurse had to bean him with the fire extinguisher." 

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

During jury selection for one trial, the judge asked 
potential Juror No. 12 if there was any reason he could 
not be a fair and impartial juror.
"There may be," he replied. "Juror No. 1 is my ex-wife, 
and if we were on the same jury, I guarantee we would 
not be able to agree on anything." 

Both were excused.

______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by



Kerri Smith, 47,
Dante Hedgepath
York, 
Pennsylvania

Naked woman chased man out of hotel and 
through traffic claiming ‘I’m not crazy

Kerri Smith, 47, was arrested after she was seen chasing Dante
Hedgepath out of a Super 8 Motel and across a street in York,
Pennsylvania on Friday. According to authorities, Hedgepath said
he got ‘freaked out’ and left the room – but Smith followed him,
completely naked, through the lobby screaming for him to come
back.

Hedgepath later told police that he got a hotel room with Smith,
but decided to leave after she began ‘acting crazy’ and saying
they were going to ‘have kids and start a life together,’
according to the affidavit. Police found the pair in the hotel
parking lot and immediately took Smith into custody in the back
of their cruiser, according to CBS 21.

Both Smith and Hedgepath had a strong ‘intoxicating odor’ on
their breath, police said. Smith told police that ‘something
inside me told me to go after him’ and she kept repeating ‘I love
him’ and ‘I’m not crazy.’

Officers later found Hedgepath to be in posession of an open,
half full bottle of Grey Goose cherry flavored vodka, marijuana,
a silver metal grinder containing marijuana residue, and three
pill bottles with assorted pills in them – prompting his arrest.
He told police that he had a Medical Marijuana Card and claimed
that he purchased the marijuana at a dispensary, but could not
provide any proof of purchase.

Both he and Smith were taken to a local jail where they were
booked and a female Sheriff’s Deputy gave Smith a blanket, as
well as some clothes to wear Smith was charged with indecent
exposure, open lewdness, disorderly conduct, and public
drunkenness. Authorities did not specify the charges against
Hedgepath. Both were released for processing and arraignment.





From: Claudia
Re: Blocked by Microsoft

Dear DearWebby,
I know it is a scam that attacks and blocks the browser,
preternding to be Microsoft. Microsoft attacks by replacing
perfectly working stuff with awkward nuisances, but they don't
block the browser and demand that I call their  1-800 number.
I am using Chrome, my daughter uses FireFox, and the same crap
happens on her computer. We are not networked, she lives
downtown.

So, how do I get out of that attack, and how do I prevent it
happening again?

Claudia

Dear Claudia
CTRL SHIFT ESC brings up the task manager.
Kill all instances of Chrome. There will be one for each open
tab. Yes, I know, that is stupid, and I have told them that a
number of times.

After you have killed enough Chrome tabs, it will crash and go
away. 
Get some coffee.
By the time you come back, all Chrome instances in the Task
Manager should be gone.

Restart Chrome.
RESIST their offer to re-open the 57 tabs, that you had open.
One or more of them would be the hacker attack.

Once you have a fresh browser page open, Yes, Chrome steals your
home page and pesters you with theirs. 
Just ignore that childish stunt.
Hit CTRL H
That gives you the browser History.
Checkmark anything that has Microsoft in the subject, 
and also anything, you are no longer interested in.
Hit the DELETE key and the ENTER key.

Now your bowser is saved and the hacker attack is gone.

That attack is NOT a file on your hard drive. It is on Google's
Cloud drive and in the browser.

MalwareBytes can only nuke bad stuff on your hard drive and in
YOUR computer's memory. It's can't go clean Google's server farms
in Mexifornia, or Firefox's server farms.

If you are smart enough to have MalwareBytes,
then check out the Malwarebytes browser extension beta for Chrome
and Firefox and say goodbye to tech support scams and many other
web threats!

If you don't have MalwareBytes yet, get at least the free
version!

Here are the Extensions:
For Google

For FireFox

The browser extension MAY work, if you don't have MalwarBytes,
but don't expect free updates, if you haven't got it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


"I see you bought a new car. What's the make?"

"A Perndle."

"I've never heard of a Perndle before."

"Me neither, but that's what it says, 
right over the steering wheel: P-R-N-D-L."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Leroy was telling his friend Bubba about the date he had the
night before, "It was a bummer. She used four letter words all
evening."

Bubba exclaimed, "Really? I can't believe you didn't enjoy that."

"Guess again," said Leroy, "All night she kept saying 'Quit,'
'Stop,' and 'Don't!'"

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Loading a Moving Truck
Make sure to stack breakable items towards the top and put the
items that you want to get to first in the truck last. Load items
as tightly as possible to prevent boxes from shifting while
driving. Tie large furniture or appliances to the wall to prevent
slipping.

Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________





3D printing in medicine.

___________________________________________________

While touring historic buildings in Alexandria, Virginia, we
visited an old church. The guide told us that George Washington
had attended services there and pointed to his pew.

A reverent silence fell. The guide, encouraged by this, went on
to tell us that church services back then had been very lengthy -
- frequently lasting three hours or more.

The mood of the moment was shattered when an anonymous voice
whispered loudly, "So George Washington slept here too!"

___________________________________________________

>From Anna
My wife-to-be and I were at the county clerk's office to get   
our marriage license. After recording the vital information;   
names, dates of birth, etc. the clerk handed me our license   
and deadpanned, "No refunds, no exchanges, no warranties."   

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


Noella's Special Brownies
Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.
Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.

Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr. "no, no."

Add margarine to 2 cups sugar.

Take shortening can away from Jr. and clean cupboards.

Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.

Take shortening can away from Jr. again and bathe cat.

Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while
removing shortening from cat's tail.

Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted
flour.

Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors
and windows for ventilation.

Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the
line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have
direct dialed call removed from bill.

Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.

Let cat out of refrigerator.

Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13-inch pan.

Bake 25 minutes.

Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain to kids
that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn. Throw
cat outside while there's still time and he's still able to
run away.

FROSTING
Mix the following in saucepan:
1 cup sugar
1 oz unsweetened chocolate
1/4 cup margarine

Take the darn teddy bear out of the @#$% broiler and throw
it away -- far away.

Answer the door and meekly explain to nice policeman that
you didn't intend to make a political statement by throwing
a burning teddybear into the mayor's convertible..

Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring
constantly for 2 minutes.

Answer door and apologize to neighbor for Billy having
stuck a garden hose in man's front door mail slot. Promise to
pay for ruined carpet.

Tie Billy to clothesline.

Move smoking brownies from oven to the shower.

___________________________________________________



Today February 12 in

1554 Lady Jane Grey was beheaded after being charged with
treason. She had claimed the throne of England for only nine
days. 

1733 Savannah, GA, was founded by English colonist James
Oglethorpe. 

1870 In the Utah Territory, women gained the right to vote. 

1879 The first artificial ice rink opened in North America. It
was at Madison Square Garden in New York City, NY. 

1880 The National Croquet League was organized in Philadelphia,
PA. 

1892 In the U.S., President Lincoln's birthday was declared to be
a national holiday. 

1907 A collision of the steamer Larchmont and a schooler resulted
in the death of more than 300 people. The incident occurred off
New England's Block Island. 

1909 The National Association for the Advancement of Colored
People (NAACP) was founded. 

1912 China's boy emperor Hsuan T'ung announced that he was
abdicating, ending the Manchu Ch'ing dynasty. Subsequently, the
Republic of China was established. 

1918 All theatres in New York City were shut down in an effort to
conserve coal. 

1924 U.S. President Calvin Coolidge made the first presidential
political speech on radio. 

1924 "The Eveready Hour" became radio’s first sponsored network
program. The National Carbon Company was the first sponsor of a
network show. 

1940 Mutual Radio presented the first broadcast of the radio play
"The Adventures of Superman." 

1968 "Soul on Ice" by Eldridge Cleaver was published for the
first time. 

1971 James Cash (J.C.) Penney died at the age of 95. The company
closed for business for one-half day as a memorial to the
company's founder. 

1973 The State of Ohio went metric, becoming the first in the
U.S. to post metric distance signs. 

1973 American prisoners of war were released for the first time
during the Vietnam conflict. 

1985 Johnny Carson surprised his audience by shaving the beard he
had been wearing on "The Tonight Show." 

1993 In Liverpool, England, a 2-year-old boy, James Bulger, was
lured away from his mother at a shopping mall and beaten to
death. Two ten-year-old boys were responsible. 

1998 A U.S. federal judge declared that the presidential line-
item veto was unconstitutional. 

1999 U.S. President Clinton was acquitted by the U.S. Senate on
two impeachment articles. The charges were perjury and
obstruction of justice. 

2001 The space probe NEAR landed on the asteroid Eros. It was the
first time that any craft had landed on a small space rock. 

2002 Kenneth Lay, former Enron CEO, exercised his constitutional
rights and refused to testify to the U.S. Congress about the
collapse of Enron. 

2002 The trial of former Yugoslav President Slobodan Milosevic
began at the U.N. tribunal in The Hague. Milosevic was accused of
war crimes during the Balkan wars of the 1990s. 

2002 Pakistan charged three men in connection with the kidnapping
of Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl in Karachi.

2002 Princess Stephanie of Monaco and Franco Knie won a
defamation-of-character lawsuit against the Swiss magazine
"Facts." The case involved a photomontage created by the
magazine. 

2003 The U.N. nuclear agency declared North Korea in violation of
international treaties. The complaint was sent to the Security
Council. 

2004 Mattel announced that "Barbie" and "Ken" were breaking up.
The dolls had met on the set of their first television commercial
together in 1961. 

2013 North Korea conducted its third underground nuclear test. 

2019  smiled.





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Clip views from RealPlayer 
Monday, February 11, 2019, 08:37 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, February 11

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Police say groom tried to seduce 
a teenage waitress at wedding

______________________________________________________
Today, February 11 in
1982 France nationalized five groups of major industries 
and 39 banks.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



The future will be better tomorrow.
--- Dan Quayle (1947 - )

We are here and it is now. Further than that all human 
knowledge is moonshine.
--- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) 
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

The little boy was caught swearing by his teacher.
"Jeffrey," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of
language.  Where did you hear it?"

"My daddy said it," he responded.

"Well, that doesn't matter," she explained, "you
don't know what it means."

"I do, too," Jeffrey corrected.  "It means the car
won't start."

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

It was mealtime during our trip on a small airline in the
Northwest.  "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant
asked the man seated in front of me.

"What are my choices?" he asked.

"Yes or no," she replied.

----------------
Sounds like Scare North!
In winter THE meal was frozen potato salad, an ice cold
turkey sandwich, that had been toasted the day before,
and lukewarm coffee in a cup so cold that you gladly 
used your gloves to hold it. The only hot items were the
two parka clad stewardesses.

______________________________________________________



Northbrook Island in the Russian Arctic National Park
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Matthew Aimers, 
31, 
Willingboro, 
New Jersey

Police say groom tried to seduce 
a teenage waitress at wedding

The "happy" couple smiles at the camera from behind a floral
arrangement, seated at a table dotted with champagne flutes and
plates of pasta. In another photo, the bride embraces her tuxedo-
clad husband on a dance floor engulfed in the mist of a smoke
machine. But hours after saying their vows, this groom was in
handcuffs, accused of sexually assaulting a teenage waitress in a
bathroom stall at his own wedding.

Matthew Aimers, 31, of Willingboro, New Jersey has been charged
with imprisonment of a minor, indecent assault, and disorderly
conduct.

In court documents obtained by Oxygen.com, prosecutors paint a
hellish picture of a wedding reception that descended into chaos.

The incident allegedly unfolded on the evening of Nov. 24, 2018
at the Northampton Valley Country Club after Aimers asked a
teenage server there to “make out” with him.

“We can do whatever you want,” Aimers allegedly told her,
according to the affidavit. She refused Aimers’ alleged advances
but told police this “shook her up.”

The victim explained to authorities that Aimers later followed
her into the women’s restroom where he cornered her in a bathroom
stall. He allegedly kissed and groped her, and tried to unbutton
her pants. The victim told police she swatted his hands away.

At one point Aimers allegedly said, “Can you kiss me like you
mean it?”

Then Aimers reportedly exposed himself and “wiggl[ed]” his penis
against her groin."  When she resisted again, Aimers allegedly
propositioned her by responding, “I’ll give you a hundred
dollars.” The victim told police she eventually shoved the groom
aside and escaped the bathroom.

Shortly after 10 p.m, police were called to the country club,
located in Richboro, PA, after reports that a fight had broken
out. Police found Aimers “pushing and punching people” by the
entrance and said he tried to flee the scene by boarding a nearby
shuttle bus. The dramatic display reportedly ended when a
policeman drew his taser, boarded the bus, and confronted Aimers.

Police allege Aimers physically threatened and “continuously
called” the arresting officer a “pussy and a bitch” before being
taken into custody. Aimers is also accused of punching a country
club employee in the face after wandering outside the venue.

Aimers posted 10 percent of his $350,000 bail and has since been
released from jail. He's expected to be arraigned at Bucks County
Court next week.

The alleged incident hasn’t impacted Aimers’ marital status
Busucio noted, who added his client’s wife, Kayla is “100 percent
supportive, 100 percent loving, and 100 percent in his corner.”




From: Carol
Re: Clip from realPlayer

Dear DearWebby,
Is there a way to print screens from programs running is 
RealPlayer?  Thnaks in advance for you help.  
Carol 

Dear Carol
In MediaPlayer you simply hit the PrintScreen key, jump to 
your graphics program, hit CTRL V and it pastes the clip 
into a new picture.

Probably that will work with RealPlayer too.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


A golfer stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity 
to his partner.  He looks up, looks down, measures the 
distance and figures the wind speed  and direction.  The 
longer he takes, the more irritated his partner becomes. 

Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? 
Hit the blasted ball." 

The golfer says, "My wife is up there watching me from the 
clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." 

"Forget it, man," his partner says. "You'll never hit her 
from here." 



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




The controller who was working a busy pattern told
the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (to do a
complete circle, usually to provide spacing between
aircraft).

The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know It costs
us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this
airplane?

Without missing a beat the controller replied,
"Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth!"

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Keeping Socks Together 
This won't completely solve the problem of unmatched socks, 
but certainly will help. Train your children to fold their 
socks together before they put them in the laundry basket. 
Also, it helps to always buy them the same brand, color, 
and style socks. 

Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________





Unbelievable moments caught on video.

___________________________________________________

This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled
and new dentures were being made.

The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes.
The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes.
But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes.

When asked about this by some of the congregation, he
responded this way:

The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk.
The second Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot.
The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures...
  AND I COULDN'T STOP TALKING!

___________________________________________________

My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and   
marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding   
what marriage to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister   
asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband."   
And she said, "I do."   

Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to   
be your wife," and my Mom said, "He better!"   

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


Two Roofers, Bob and Dan, were putting a new roof on a barn 
when a bundle of shingles slid down the slope and knocked 
the ladder over. 

Bob and Dan decided since it was early they would continue 
working because someone would surely come around by 
quitting time. 

It was nearing 5 PM and they hadn't seen hide nor hair of 
anyone. So, they walked around the roof a few times and 
finally decided there was only one way down. On the West 
side of the barn was a big manure pile. 

Bob says, "It's the only way down. I will go first." Bob jumped. 
Dan heard the squishy landing and yelled, 
"Hey Bob! How deep did you go?" 

Bob yells back, "I went to my ankles Dan, come on JUMP!" 
Dan jumps and goes clear up to his neck in manure. 

He says to Bob, "I thought when you jumped you went up 
to your ankles?" 
Bob replies, "I did, but I landed head first!"

___________________________________________________



Today February 11 in
1752 The Pennsylvania Hospital opened as the very first hospital
in America. 

1808 Judge Jesse Fell experimented by burning anthracite coal to
keep his house warm. He successfully showed how clean the coal
burned and how cheaply it could be used as a heating fuel. 

1812 The term "gerrymandering" had its beginning when the
governor of Massachusetts, Elbridge Gerry, signed a redistricting
law that favored his party. 

1858 A French girl, Bernadette Soubirous, claimed to have seen a
vision of the Virgin Mary near Lourdes. 

1878 The first U.S. bicycle club, Boston Bicycle Club, was
formed. 

1929 The Lateran Treaty was signed. Italy now recognized the
independence and sovereignty of Vatican City. 

1936 Pumping began the process to build San Francisco's Treasure
Island. 

1937 General Motors agreed to recognize the United Automobile
Workers Union, which ended the current sit-down strike against
them. 

1943 General Dwight David Eisenhower was selected to command the
allied armies in Europe. 

1945 During World War II, the Yalta Agreement was signed by U.S.
President Franklin Roosevelt, British Prime Minister Winston
Churchill and Soviet leader Josef Stalin.

1957 The NHL Players Association was formed in New York City. 

1958 Ruth Carol Taylor was the first black woman to become a
stewardess by making her initial flight. 

1975 Margaret Thatcher became the first woman to head a major
party in Britain when she was elected leader of the Conservative
Party. 

1979 Nine days after the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini returned to
Iran (after 15 years in exile) power was seized by his followers.


1982 ABC-TV’s presentation of "The Winds of War" concluded. The
18-hour miniseries cost $40 million to produce and was the most-
watched television program in history at the time. 

1982 France nationalized five groups of major industries and 39
banks. 

1984 The tenth Space Shuttle mission returned to Earth safely. 

1989 Rev. Barbara C. Harris became the first woman to be
consecrated as a bishop in the Episcopal Church. 

1990 Nelson Mandela was freed after 27 years in captivity. 

1990 In Tokyo, Japan, James "Buster" Douglas knocked out Mike
Tyson in the tenth round to win the heavyweight championship. 

1993 Janet Reno was appointed to the position of attorney general
by U.S. President Clinton. She was the first female to hold the
position. 

2000 The space shuttle Endeavor took off. The mission was to
gather information for the most detailed map of the earth ever
made. 

2000 Great Britain suspended self-rule in Northern Ireland after
the Irish Republican Army (IRA) failed to begin decommissioning
(disarming) by a February deadline. 

2002 The six stars on NBC's "Friends" signed a deal for $24
million each for the ninth and final season of the series. 

2006 In Texas, U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot
and wounded a companion during a quail hunt. 

2016 It was reported that scientists had detected gravitational
waves. The waves had been detected on September 14, 2015 by the
Laser Interferometer Gravitational-wave Observatory (LIGO)
detectors in Livingston, LA, and Hanford, WA. 

2019  smiled.






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UV filter for digital cameras 
Sunday, February 10, 2019, 08:15 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, February 10

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Texas grandma defends herself from 
machete-wielding clown masked robbers 
with just grand child's scooter.

______________________________________________________
Today, February 10 in
1935 The Pennsylvania Railroad began passenger service with its
electric locomotive. The engine was 79-1/2 feet long and weighed
230 tons. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



I would rather spend an hour among the notorious than two minutes
with the dull.
--- Stephanie Barron

Who is wise? He that learns from every One.
Who is powerful? He that governs his Passions.
Who is rich? He that is content.
Who is that? Nobody.
--- Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)

He who rejects change is the architect of decay.  The
only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery.
--- Harold Wilson

and Governments
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Recently in Traffic Court, a man who received an
expensive parking ticket testified that a uniformed
Policeman had given his OK for the man to park
there.

The Judge asked the man if he would recognize the
Officer if he ever saw him again, and the man replied
that he would.

The Judge then said, "Good. When you see the Officer
again, tell him he owes you 57 dollars. Next..."

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

On their anniversary night, the husband sat his wife sat down in
the den with her favourite magazine, turned on the soft reading
lamp, slipped off her shoes, patted and propped her feet and
announced that he was preparing dinner all by himself.

"How romantic!" she thought.

Two-and-a-half hours later, she was still waiting for dinner to
be served.

She tiptoed to the kitchen and found it a colossal mess.Her
harried husband, removing something indescribable from the
smoking oven, saw her in the doorway. "Almost ready!" he vowed.
"Sorry it took me so long -- I had to refill the pepper shaker."

"Why, honey, how long could that have taken you?"

"More'n an hour, I reckon. Wasn't easy stuffin' it through those
dumb little holes."

______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Jose Lugo, 35,
Luis Jimenez, 32, 
Texas City,
Texas

Texas grandma defends herself from 
machete-wielding clown masked robbers 
with just grand child's scooter.

A grandmother in Texas City daringly defended herself from masked
attackers by utilizing her grandchild's scooter.

Aretha Cardinal and her husband, Joseph Nelson, were reportedly
approached by robbers in clown masks with red noses and orange
hair while sitting in their parked truck in their driveway in the
early morning on February 1. One assailant allegedly held a
machete to Nelson's throat while making threats on his life.
Nelson reportedly fought back and wrestled the blade from the
attacker's grasp, while Cardinal then defended herself by
grabbing her child's two-wheel scooter and hitting the alleged
mugger with it until he relented, reports local outlet.

Nelson remembers being shocked by the incident.

  couldn't believe what was happening," Nelson said to ABC13
of Houston, Texas. "He reached his hand through the window, put
it on my throat like this and I'm like 'Dude, you serious, you
trying to rob me with a machete?' 

Cardinal then pursued the men with the scooter as her weapon,
hitting them and their car with it and even breaking a window
until they drove away, according to Click2Houston.com.

Cardinal recalled her stunning defense.

"Any weapon is good for me if I can get you off me and my
husband, that's what I'm going to do. I used the scooter, broke
it in half," said Cardinal.

The couple's daughter called the police shortly thereafter,
according to The Epoch Times.

The robbers must have gotten nicely tenderized since gramma
busted the scooter on their heads. Good for Gramma!

The aggressors have been identified by police as Luis Jimenez,
32, and Jose Lugo, 35. They have since been charged with
aggravated robbery. The two are now being held at the Galveston
County Jail. Bond was set at $100,000 for each of them.




From: Harold
Re: UV filter for digital cameras

Dear DearWebby,
I read that digital cameras don't need UV filters even on
bright days. Is that true?
Harold

Dear Harold
While it is true that you probably won't be able to tell 
the difference in the resulting picture, with a good
camera I still recommend UV filters. They are cheap,
since they are just plain window glass, but they protect
your expensive lens from dust and scratches.

Since the UV filter is just regular glass, you can clean it
with anything without worrying about delicate lens
coatings. That alone is worth the $3 - $5 for the UV filter.

If you have a UV filter from a previous camera, and it is
a bit too big, you can just glue it to the lens barrel. 
Regular crazy-glue applied with a tooth pick works fine.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


Two doctors and an HMO manager are killed in a train wreck and
line up at the Pearly Gates for admission to heaven. Saint Peter
asks them to identify themselves.

One doctor steps forward and says, "I was a pediatric spine
surgeon.  I helped hundreds of kids overcome their deformities." 

Saint Peter  says, "Enter."

The other doctor says, "I was a psychiatrist. I helped
rehabilitate  thousands of people." 

Saint Peter nods and invites him into heaven.

The third applicant steps forward and says, "I was an HMO
manager.  I helped countless people get cost-effective health
care." 

Saint  Peter tells him, "You can come in, too." As the HMO
manager walks  by, Saint Peter adds, "But you can only stay for 3
days."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final
exam after a semester dealing with a  broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor
picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the
board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove
that this chair does  not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious
fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour
attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member
of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group
wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely
written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words:
"What chair?"

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Frugal Toys - Cardboard Boxes 
Use small and large cardboard boxes to help your child make 
a playhouse, fort, or space ship. You can easily cut windows, 
doors and then use pens or paint to decorate the outside. Make 
the project outside on a nice day to avoid messes indoors. 

Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________





Flashback - Remember Twiggy?

___________________________________________________

Working as a computer instructor for an adult-education pro-
gram at a community college, I am keenly aware of the gap
in computer knowledge between my younger and older students.

My observations were confirmed the day a new student walked
into our library area and glanced at the encyclopedia volumes
stacked on a bookshelf.

"What are all these books?" he asked.

Somewhat surprised, I replied that they were encyclopedias.

"Really?" he said. Someone printed out the whole DVD?"

___________________________________________________

My little niece, Kelly, went with a neighbor girl to church   
for First Communion practice. The pastor has the children   
cup their hands, and when he gives them the "Host," in this   
case, a piece of bread, he says, "God be with you."   

Apparently this made quite an impression on my niece. She   
came home and told her mother to cup her hands and bend   
down. Kelly took a piece of bread from her sandwich, placed   
it in her mother's hands, and whispered, in her most angelic   
voice, "God will get you."   

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


"That was nice of you to set up a blind date for your ex-   
boyfriend."   

"I know, but I don't hold any grudges."   

"I'm surprised he trusted you enough to agree to go out   
with her."   

"Well, I had to swear to him she's Jennifer Lopez's double."   
"Wow! Is that true?"   

"I wouldn't lie. She's twice her weight and twice her age."   

___________________________________________________



Today February 10 in
1763 The Treaty of Paris ended the French and Indian War. In the
treaty France ceded Canada to England. 

1840 Britain's Queen Victoria married Prince Albert of Saxe
Coburg-Gotha. 

1846 Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
began their exodus to the west from Illinois. 

1863 In New York City, two of the world's most famous midgets,
General Tom Thumb and Lavinia Warren were married. 

1863 In Virginia, the first fire extinguisher patent was issued
to Alanson Crane. 

1870 The YWCA was founded in New York City. 

1879 The electric arc light was used for the first time. 

1923 Ink paste was manufactured for the first time by the
Standard Ink Company. 

1925 The first waterless gas storage tank was placed in service
in Michigan City, IN. 

1933 The singing telegram was introduced by the Postal Telegraph
Company of New York City. 

1933 Primo Carnera knocked out Ernie Schaaf in round 13 at
Madison Square Garden in New York City. Schaaf died as a result
of the knockout punch. 

1934 The first imperforated, ungummed sheets of postage stamps
were issued by the U.S. Postal Service in New York City.

1935 The Pennsylvania Railroad began passenger service with its
electric locomotive. The engine was 79-1/2 feet long and weighed
230 tons. 

1942 The Normandie, the former French liner, capsized in New York
Harbor. The day before the ship had caught fire while it was
being fitted for the U.S. Navy. 

1949 "Death of a Salesman" opened at the Morocco Theatre in New
York City. 

1962 The Soviet Union exchanged captured American U2 pilot
Francis Gary Powers for the Soviet spy Rudolph Ivanovich Abel
being held by the U.S. 

1981 The Las Vegas Hilton hotel-casino caught fire. Eight people
were killed and 198 were injured. 

1989 Ron Brown became the first African American to head a major
U.S. political party when he was elected chairman of the
Democratic National Committee. 

1990 South African President F.W. de Klerk announced that black
activist Nelson Mandela would be released the next day after 27
years in captivity. 

1992 Mike Tyson was convicted in Indianapolis of raping Desiree
Washington, a Miss Black American contestant. 

1997 The U.S. Army suspended its top-ranking enlisted soldier,
Army Sgt. Major Gene McKinney following allegations of sexual
misconduct. McKinney was convicted of obstruction of justice and
acquitted of 18 counts alleging sexual harassment of six military
women. 

1998 A man became the first to be convicted of committing a hate
crime in cyberspace. The college dropout had e-mailed threats to
Asian students. 

1998 Voters in Maine repealed a 1997 gay rights law. Maine was
the first state to abandon such legislation. 

1999 Avalanches killed at least 10 people when they roared down
the French Alps 30 miles from Geneva. 

2005 North Korea publicly announced for the first time that it
had nuclear arms. The country also rejected attempts to restart
disarmament talks in the near future saying that it needed the
weapons as protection against an increasingly hostile United
States. 

2009 A Russian and an American satellite collide over Siberia. 

2009 Amazon announced the Kindle 2.

2019  smiled.






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USB versus FireWire 
Saturday, February 9, 2019, 07:09 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, February 9

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Schenectady man mistakenly texted 
drug offer to detective

______________________________________________________
Today, February 9 in
1969 The Boeing 747 flew its inaugural flight. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. 
The rest cheat in Europe.
--- Jackie Mason (1934 - )

If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; 
But if you really make them think, they'll hate you.
--- Don Marquis (1878 - 1937) 

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head
examined.
--- Samuel Goldwyn
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

>From Jean
A woman goes to a counselor, worried about her husband's temper.
The counselor asks, "What's the problem?

The woman says, "I don't know what to do. Every day my husband
loses his temper for no reason. It scares me."

The Counselor says, "I have a cure for that. When it seems your
husband is getting angry, take a double shot of Jack Daniel's and
swish it in your mouth. Swish and swish, but don't swallow until
he either leaves the room or calms down."

Two weeks later, she goes back to the counselor, looking fresh
and reborn.

She tells the counselor, "That was a brilliant idea. Every time
my husband started to get angry, I swished the Jack. I swished
and swished, and he calmed down.  How does swishing Jack Daniel's
in your mouth do that?

The counselor said, "The Jack Daniel's does nothing. Keeping your
mouth shut is the trick.

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just
in front of her, a man gets up from his seat.

She thinks to herself, "Here's another man trying
to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by
offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat," so
she pushes him back onto the seat.

A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again.
She is still insulted so she refuses to let him
up again.

Finally, the man says, "Look, lady, you've got to
let me get up. I'm twelve blocks past my stop
already."

______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Richard J. Betters Jr.,
Schenectady,
New York

Schenectady man mistakenly texted 
drug offer to detective

A Schenectady man apparently got his phone numbers mixed up, and
that got him arrested, police said.

Richard J. Betters Jr. is facing a charge of third-degree
criminal possession of a controlled substance, a felony, after he
sent a text message of a drug offer to a Rotterdam police
detective, police said.

The detective played along with the offer and arrested Betters,
44, of 626 Lansing St., on Tuesday at the Rotterdam Taco Bell,
where Betters was found to be in possession of 20 Oxycodone
pills, police said.

“It’s kind of an unusual one,” Rotterdam Police Lt. William Male
said of the case.

Police believe Betters had the detective’s mobile number because
of prior dealings the detective had with him.

Betters’ mugshot showed facial injuries that were present when
police encountered him, Male said.

Betters was arraigned and ordered held on $20,000 bail.




From: Earl
Re: USB versus FireWire

Dear DearWebby,
What is the difference between a usb 3.5 inch firewire enclosure
and a usb drive enclosure?
Thanks for all the help and answers.
Earl

Dear Earl
FireWire is for Apple (Mac) machines, USB is for PC.
You can use the same hard drive, but the connection to the
machine is different. The hard drive enclosure is the adapter.

If you run Windows, then you need a USB enclosure, if you run a
Mac OS, then you need a FireWire enclosure.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together.
After the man received the full treatment - shave, manicure,
haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair.

"I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he
said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

When the boy's haircut was done and the man still hadn't
returned, the barber said, "It looks like your daddy forgot
all about you."

"That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up,
took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna
get a free haircut!'"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Laura's husband, Ron, was called into his bank to discuss
his accounts.

"Your finances are in terrible shape," the banker stated. "Your
checking account is overdrawn, your loan is overdue."

"Yes, I know." said Ron. "It's my wife Laura, she is out of
control."

"Why do you allow your wife to spend more money than you 
have?" asked the banker.

"Frankly," replied Ron with a deep sigh, "because I'd rather
argue with you than with her."

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Get Your Air Conditioner and Fans Ready
Get your air conditioner annual maintenance done before 
hot weather hits. Much of it can be done yourself and will 
increase the output of the air conditioner and save you 
money on electricity. Clean the fan blades and cages and 
check your manual for recommendations. 

Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________






Hail storm in Australia

___________________________________________________

Kyle and Justin were about to eat with the baby sitter when
6-year-old Kyle said, "You can't sit in Daddy's seat!"

Daddy's not home," the baby sitter replied.  "Since I'm
responsible for you while he's gone, I can sit here.  Today
I'm the boss."

Justin, the 4 year old, quickly piped up,   "If you're the boss,
you sit over there in Mommy's chair!"

___________________________________________________

At one point in my life I had considered joining the Baptist
Church. For those of you who don't know, the Baptists
practice total body immersion to baptize a person.

Luckily I even knew a minister in that faith, having dated
his daughter, and I asked him if he would consider performing
the service.

He paused a minute or two, gave me a long thoughtful look
and said, "If you're serious about this, a dipping just
won't do it for you. We'll have to find a place to anchor you
overnight."

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


Lynn reported for her university final
examination that consists of "yes/no" type
questions. She takes her seat in the examination
hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes,
and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse
out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and
marking the answer sheet "Yes" for Heads and "No"
for Tails. 

Within half an hour she is all done,
whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out.
During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately
throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The
moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is
going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour, but
I'm rechecking my answers."

___________________________________________________



Today February 9 in

1870 The United States Weather Bureau was authorized by Congress.
The bureau is officially known as the National Weather Service
(NWS). 

1884 Thomas Edison and Patrick Kenny executed a patent
application for a chemical recording stock quotation telegraph
(U.S. Pat. 314,115). 

1885 The first Japanese arrived in Hawaii. 

1895 Volley Ball was invented by W.G. Morgan. 

1895 The first college basketball game was played as Minnesota
State School of Agriculture defeated the Porkers of Hamline
College, 9-3. 

1900 Dwight F. Davis put up a new tennis trophy to go to the
winner in matches against England. The trophy was a silver cup
that weighed 36 pounds. 

1909 The first forestry school was incorporated in Kent, Ohio. 

1932 America entered the 2-man bobsled competition for the first
time at the Olympic Winter Games held at Lake Placid, NY. 

1942 The U.S. Joint Chiefs of Staff held its first formal meeting
to coordinate military strategy during World War II. 

1942 Daylight-saving "War Time" went into effect in the U.S. 

1943 During World War II, the battle of Guadalcanal ended with an
American victory over Japanese forces. 

1950 U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that the State
Department was riddled with Communists. This was the beginning of
"McCarthyism." 

1969 The Boeing 747 flew its inaugural flight. 

1971 The San Fernando Valley experienced the Sylmar earthquake
that registered 6.4 on the Richter Scale. 

1971 The Apollo 14 spacecraft returned to Earth after mankind's
third landing on the moon. 

1975 The Russian Soyuz 17 returned to Earth. 

1989 Kohlberg Kravis Roberts and Co. completed the $25 billion
purchase of RJR Nabisco, Inc. 

1997 "The Simpsons" became the longest-running prime-time
animated series. "The Flintstones" held the record previously. 

2001 "Hannibal," the sequel to "Silence of the Lambs," opened in
theaters.

2019  smiled.






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Not enough HD space 
Friday, February 8, 2019, 09:11 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, February 8
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Today's Bonehead Award: 
Nashville man tries robbing woman,
her husband chases and shoots him. 

______________________________________________________
Today, February 8 in
1985 "The Dukes of Hazzard" ended its 6-1/2 year run on CBS
television. :(
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



It's never just a game when you're winning.
--- George Carlin (1937 - 2008)

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first
things to be bought and sold are legislators.
--- PJ O'Rourke

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for
mentally disturbed teachers.
--- Woody Allen (1935 - ) 

Yeah, me too.

________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

For years Pensacola, Florida, school crossing guard Dale Rooks 
had tried everything he could think of, including waving his 
hands and yelling, to get drivers to slow down in front of the 
school, but nothing worked. 

So one day he got an old hair dryer  and covered it with gray
duct tape so that it looked like a radar gun, then started
pointing it at speeders.

"People are slowing down, raising their hands at me
apologetically," he says. "It's amazing how well it works." 

Fifth graders at his school later raised money to buy Rooks a
real radar gun. 
Rooks remarked that it "looks just like a hair dryer."

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

Dear Internal Revenue Service: 

Enclosed You Will Please Find My 2008 Tax Return Showing That I
Owe $3,407.00 In Taxes. 

Please Note The Attached Article From The Usa Today Newspaper
Wherein You Will See The Pentagon (Department Of Defense)
Is Paying $171.50 Per Hammer And Nasa Has Paid $600.00 Per Toilet
Seat.

I Am Enclosing Four (4) Toilet Seats (Valued @ $2,400) And Six
(6) Hammers Valued @ $1,029), Which I Secured At Home Depot,
Bringing My Total Remittance To $3,429.00. 

Please Apply The Overpayment Of $22.00 To The "Pelosi's Election
Fund," As Noted On My Return. 

You Can Do This Inexpensively By Sending Them One 1.5" Phillips
Head Screw (See Aforementioned Article From Usa Today Newspaper
Detailing How H.U.D. Pays $22.00 Each For 1.5" Phillips Head
Screws). 

One Screw Is Enclosed For Your Convenience. 

It Has Been A Pleasure To Pay My Tax Bill This Year, And I Look
Forward To Paying It Again Next Year. 

Sincerely,
A Satisfied Taxpayer 

______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Jordan Ponce,
19,
Nashville,
Tennessee

Nashville man tries robbing woman,
her husband chases and shoots him,

A would-be thief was shot Monday night after the victim’s husband
stopped the crime in progress, chased the man down and opened
fire, police said.

The suspect, Jordan Ponce, 19, approached a 25-year-old woman
walking home Monday night in Antioch about 9:30 p.m., Metro
Nashville Police said in a press release. He allegedly ran up
behind her and grabbed at her purse.

But when she wouldn’t let go, the woman told police, he bashed
her head against the building wall.

That’s when her 29-year-old husband reportedly heard her screams
and raced to help.

Authorities said Ponce fled the scene but was chased by the
husband, who jumped over a fence and landed on top of the
suspect. The pair struggled. Still, the relentless husband
remained on his trail and a second fight ensued.

The suspect hit the husband in the head, prompting him to take
out his gun and fire.

Police say the injured suspect, identified as Ponce, got into a
silver car and fled the scene. Authorities later discovered that
the vehicle he left in was stolen 90 minutes before the attempted
robbery. It was located early Tuesday.

A department spokesperson told Fox News on Tuesday that Ponce is
in the hospital and being treated for wounds to his stomach and
hands.

The department spokesperson also said that while the
investigation is ongoing, charges against Ponce are expected.
She said she was not aware of any pending charges against the
husband who pursued the suspect.




From: Mia
Re: Hard drive space

Dear DearWebby,
Both of my computers, desktop and laptop, are getting very slow,
even though I religiously refrained from installing any utilities

or any frivolous programs. The only stuff that is not work
related spreadsheets and docs is music and pictrues.
I have at lest 2 GB space left on both machines, but a friend 
told me that the drives are too full. 
What do you suggest?
Mia

Dear Mia
2 GB of free space is not enough elbow room for Windows.
Get yourself a 1 TB hard drive for $50 -$150, and a USB
drive enclosure for $10 - $30.

That gives you a portable file server that you can plug into
either of your computers. It will show up as an extra hard 
drive, and when your computers are networked, you can
access it from either machine.

Then you can move all your music and graphics to that
drive and use the original drives just for the operating system.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


A wife and her husband attended a very important business   
party thrown by her boss where the husband may have had one   
or two more than he should have.   

On the way home from the party, the woman said to her   
husband, "Have I ever told you how handsome and sexy and   
totally irresistible to all women you are?"   

"Why no," said the husband, deeply flattered.   

"Then what gave you that idea at the party?!" she screamed.   



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Tony, having his second son christened, was much concerned   
about getting the correct name on the birth certificate.   

"Will you please name the baby just as I give it to you?"   

"Certainly," answered the minister, "why shouldn't I?"   

"Well you see, it's like this," replied Tony. "When I told   
you I wanted to name my first boy Tom, you wrote on his   
birth certificate 'Thomas.'   

This boy I want to name Jack."   

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Chill Your Jello Mold
Place your Jello mold in fridge to chill before adding the 
Jello mixture. This will keep the "skin" off the mold. 

Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________






Friday's Shirk Report.

___________________________________________________

 A lady had been exposed to strep and needed to visit
the doctor's office just to have her throat swabbed for a
culture. She sat in the waiting room for quite a while with
her legs crossed, reading a magazine while other patients
came and went.

Suddenly her turn was called, but when she stood up to go
in, she discovered her leg was "asleep". Not wanting to keep
the nurse waiting, she limped and staggered toward the inner
office door. She noticed one elderly lady nudging another
who sat beside her, as the two of them sympathetically
watched her painful progress .

Two minutes later, her procedure completed and her leg back
to normal, she walked easily back into the waiting room. As
she strode past the two elderly ladies, she overheard one whisper
triumphantly to the other, "See, Myrtle, I TOLD you he was a
wonderful doctor!"

___________________________________________________

This woman and her son are in a nice restaurant. There's 
quite a bit of food left over, so the woman tells the waiter, 
"Please put the meat in a bag for the dog."

The son jumps up, "Wow, Mom, are we getting a dog?"

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


Marvin was in the hospital. He was an old man.
Anyway, there was this young nurse. Everytime she came in,
she talked to him like a little child. She would say in a
patronizing tone of voice  "And how are we doing this morning?!"

One day, Marvin had received breakfast, and pulled the juice off
the tray, and put it on his stand. He had been given a Urine
Bottle to fill.

The juice was apple juice. You know where the juice went.

The nurse came in and picked up the urine bottle. She looks at
it. "It seems we are a little cloudy today..."

At this, Marvin snatched the bottle out of her hand, pops off the
top, and drank it down, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again,
and maybe I can filter it better this time."

___________________________________________________



Today February 8 in

1802 Simon Willard patented the banjo clock. 

1861 The Confederate States of America was formed. 

1861 A Cheyenne delegation and some Arapaho leaders accepted a
new settlement (Treaty of Fort Wise) with the U.S. Federal
government. The deal ceded most of their land but secured a 600-
square mile reservation and annuity payments. 

1900 In South Africa, British troops under Gen. Buller were
beaten at Ladysmith. The British fled over the Tugela River. 

1904 The Russo-Japanese War began with Japan attacking Russian
forces in Manchuria. 

1910 William D. Boyce incorporated the Boy Scouts of America. 

1918 During World War I, "The Stars and Stripes" was published
under orders from General John J. Pershing for the United States
Army forces in France. It was published from February 8, 1918 to
June 13, 1919. 

1922 The White House began using radio after U.S. President
Harding had it installed. 

1927 The original version of "Getting Gertie’s Garter" opened at
the Hippodrome Theatre in New York City. 

1952 Queen Elizabeth II ascended to the British throne. Her
father, George VI, had died on February 6. 

1963 The Kennedy administration prohibited travel to Cuba and
made financial and commercial transactions with Cuba illegal for
U.S. citizens. 

1971 The Nasdaq stock-market index debuted. 

1974 The three-man crew of the Skylab space station returned to
Earth after 84 days. 

1978 The U.S. Senate deliberations were broadcast on radio for
the first time. The subject was the Panama Canal treaties. 

1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced a plan to re-introduce
draft registration. 

1985 "The Dukes of Hazzard" ended its 6-1/2 year run on CBS
television. :(

1993 General Motors sued NBC, alleging that "Dateline NBC" had
rigged two car-truck crashes to show that some GM pickups were
prone to fires after certain types of crashes. The suit was
settled the following day by NBC. 

2019  smiled.






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Fuzzy Fonts 
Thursday, February 7, 2019, 12:36 PM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, February 7

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Assault with a frozen pork chop

______________________________________________________
Today, February 7 in
1974 The nation of Grenada gained independence from Britain.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



The trouble with normal is it always gets worse.
--- Bruce Cockburn

Health consists of having the same diseases as one's neighbors.
--- Quentin Crisp

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, 
the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
--- P. J. O'Rourke
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Angela for this story:

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting 
time the  boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.

Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted 
to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to 
try an  experiment.
He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four
objects:
a Bible, a silver dollar, a bottle of whisky, and a Playboy
magazine.
'I'll just hide behind the door,' the old preacher said to
himself, 
'when he comes home from school this afternoon,
I'll see which object he picks  up.

'If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me and 
what a  blessing that would be!  
If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a  businessman, 
and that would be okay, too.
But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good
drunkard,
and, Lord, what a shame that would  be.
'And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he's gonna 
be a  skirt-chasin' bum.'

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps 
as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room.

The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave 
the room  he spotted the objects on the table.
With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm.
He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket.
He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired 
this month's Centerfold.

'Lord have mercy,' the old preacher disgustedly whispered, 
'He's gonna run for Congress.

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining 
to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of 
characteristically telling me it's not so, he
uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. 'If you want
your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper
and rub it between them for a few seconds.
  
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and
stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. 
'How long will this take?' I asked.

'They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband
replies. 

I stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper 
between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger 
over the years?'

Without missing a beat he says 'Worked for your butt, didn't it?'


He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even 
walk again, although he will probably continue to take his 
meals through a straw. Stupid, stupid man.

______________________________________________________



Rikki Pool's rays in approaching sand storm in Australia
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Jennifer Brassard, 
48,
Brooksville,
Florida

Assault with a frozen pork chop

 Florida Woman is facing a domestic battery charge after
allegedly clobbering her boyfriend in the face with a frozen pork
chop during a dispute Friday night in their residence.

Cops allege that Jennifer Brassard, 48, and her beau were
“engaged in a verbal argument” around 9:45 PM when Brassard
“threw a frozen pork chop at the victim.” The pork chop, a
criminal complaint notes, struck the man below the left eye,
causing a half-inch laceration.

After getting hit with the pork chop, the victim fled the
couple’s home.

Police arrested Brassard after determining that she was the
“primary aggressor” during the domestic confrontation.

Pictured above, Brassard was booked into the county jail on a
misdemeanor domestic battery charge. She was released from
custody yesterday afternoon upon posting $250 bond. A judge has
ordered Brassard to have no contact with her boyfriend.

The criminal complaint does not indicate whether the pork chop
was seized as evidence.




From: Wolf
Re: Fuzzy fonts

Dear DearWebby,
I have the same computer at home as my husband has at work.
The fonts on his screen are nice and sharp, no matter what
program he uses. On mine they are fuzzy, except when I use
Safari for Windows. Dear hubby of course does not have a clue
why. His machine had already been set up professionally when 
he got it. So, what do their techs know that I don't?
Thanks
Wolf

Go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools 
or click on the wrench in the side menu here. 
In the toolbox look for a program called Clear Type Font Tuner.

It's a fairly large download, but the actual usage is quick
and simple. It shows you some examples and you click
on the best looking one. Then it sets up your video 
accordingly. That is all there is to it.

You will notice quite a difference. Your fonts will be a lot
sharper, crisper, and more readable. However, I would
not go as far as saying that they look as good in IE as 
they do in Safari for Windows. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old Sarah 
started using her pinwheel as a magic wand, pretending 
she was a fairy godmother. "Make three wishes," she told 
her mother, "and I'll grant them." 

Her mom first asked for world peace. Sarah swung her 
wand and proclaimed the request fulfilled. 

Next, her mother requested for a cure for all ill children. 
Again, with a sweep of the pinwheel, Sarah obliged. 

The mother, with a glance down at her rather ample 
curves, made her third wish, "I wish to have a trim figure 
again." 

The miniature fairy godmother started waving her wand 
madly and finally exclaimed: 
"I'll need more power for this!" 



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




A husband and wife went to breakfast at a restaurant 
where the "Seniors' Special" was two eggs, bacon, 
hash browns and toast for $1.99.

"Sounds good," the wife said. "But I don't want the eggs."

"Then I'll have to charge you $2.49 because you're 
ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.

"You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" the 
wife asked incredulously.

"YES!!"

"Then I'll take the special."

"How do you want your eggs?"

"Raw and in the shell," the wife replied. And she took 
the two eggs home.

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Chill Your Jello Mold
Place your Jello mold in fridge to chill before adding the 
Jello mixture. This will keep the "skin" off the mold. 

Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________






Paintings of a post-apocalyptic world.

___________________________________________________

The honeymoon is over when he phones to say he'll be late   
for supper and she's already left a note that it's in the   
refrigerator.

___________________________________________________

A young woman was worried about her stress-related habit   
of biting her fingernails down to the quick, so her friend   
advised her to take up yoga. She did, and soon her finger-   
nails were growing normally.   

Her friend asked her if yoga had totally cured her nervous-   
ness. "No," she replied, "but now I can reach my toe-nails   
so I bite them instead."   

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


The other day I needed to call home, but the only pay phone I
could find was in use. So I stood to the side and politely waited
until it was free, thinking it would only be a couple of minutes.

Five minutes went by, and still the man was on the phone. He was
just standing there, not saying a word. Two more minutes went by,
and he still wasn't talking.

Finally, I tapped him on the shoulder and asked if I could use
the phone. I really wouldn't be long, but needed to make an
important call.

"Hold your horses," he responded, covering the receiver. 
"I'm talking to my wife."

___________________________________________________



Today February 7 in

1882 The last bareknuckle fight for the heavyweight boxing
championship took place in Mississippi City. 

1893 Elisha Gray patented a machine called the telautograph. It
automatically signed autographs to documents. 

1913 The Turks lost 5,000 men in a battle with the Bulgarian army
in Gallipoli. 

1940 "Pinocchio" world premiered at the Center Theatre in
Manhattan. 

1941 The Tommy Dorsey Orchestra and Frank Sinatra recorded
"Everything Happens to Me." 

1943 The U.S. government announced that shoe rationing would go
into effect in two days. 

1944 During World War II, the Germans launched a counteroffensive
at Anzio, Italy. 

1962 The U.S. government banned all Cuban imports and re-export
of U.S. products to Cuba from other countries. 

1974 The nation of Grenada gained independence from Britain. 

1976 Darryl Sittler (Toronto Maple Leafs) set a National Hockey
League (NHL) record when he scored 10 points in a game against
the Boston Bruins. He scored six goals and four assists. 

1977 Russia launched Soyuz 24. 

1984 Space shuttle astronauts Bruce McCandless II and Robert L.
Stewart made the first untethered space walk. 

1985 "Sports Illustrated" released its annual swimsuit edition.
It was the largest regular edition in the magazine’s history at
218 pages. 

1986 Haitian President-for-Life Jean-Claude Duvalier fled his
country ending 28 years of family rule. 

1991 The Rev. Jean-Bertrand Aristide was sworn in as Haiti's
first democratically elected president. 

1999 NASA's Stardust space probe was launched. The mission was to
return comet dust samples from comet Wild 2. The mission was
completed on January 15, 2006 when the sample return capsule
returned to Earth. 

2000 California's legislature declared that February 13 would be
"Charles M. Schulz Day." 

2008 The Space Shuttle Atlantis launched with the mission of
delivering the Columbus science laboratory to the International
Space Station. 

2019  smiled.






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Lost Recycle Bin on W10 
Wednesday, February 6, 2019, 09:47 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, February 6

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Iowa mom left 2-, 4-year-old in car 
in below freezing temperatures

______________________________________________________
Today, February 6 in
1971 NASA Astronaut Alan B. Shepard used a six-iron that he had
brought inside his spacecraft and swung at three golf balls on
the surface of the moon. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



The truth is rarely pure and never simple.
--- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

To play it safe is not to play.
--- Robert Altman (1925 - 2007)

You're never too old to become younger.
--- Mae West (1892 - 1980)
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Whats the worst thing a wife can get on her twentieth
wedding anniversary?"

And you know what the answer is? "Morning Sickness."

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

An English soldier, an American solider and a Russian soldier
found themselves sharing a table in a Bosnian restaurant, and
the conver sation turned towards how well fed each of them was.
"In the Russian army we have 2000 calories of food a day" said
the Russian.

"Well", said the Englishman, "In the British army we are given
4000 calories of food a day."

"That's nothing", said the American, "in the US army we have
8000 calories of food a day".

At this the Russian got very annoyed.
"Nonsense", he said, "how could one man eat that much
cabbage!!!."

______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Stephany C. Moses, 
25, 
Council Bluffs,
Iowa

Iowa mom left 2-, 4-year-old in car 
in below freezing temperatures

A Council Bluffs woman left her two children in a car unattended
in the cold for about 45 minutes Tuesday, police said.

Police were called just after 10:30 a.m. to a parking lot near
3271 Interstate 80 and 24th Street to check on two children, ages
2 and 4.

The children had been located by a concerned citizen who then
provided them shelter in her vehicle until police arrived,
officers said.

The investigation revealed the two children had been left
unattended in the vehicle for approximately 45 minutes. The
vehicle the children had been left in was not running, was
unlocked and the window was partially down, police said.

Police said the children were only wearing light clothing.

The outside air temperature at the time of the incident was 5
degrees with a minus 14 to minus 15 degree wind chill.

The mother of the children was located by police after she came
out of the Boot Barn Store, police said.

The mother, identified as Stephany C. Moses, 25, was arrested on
two counts of child endangerment.

The children were placed into protective custody, and the
Department of Human Services was contacted.

The children were not injured.




From: Carol
Re: Lost recycle bin W10

Dear DearWebby,
my hubby has deleted the recycle bin by accident. where 
can we go to find it again!! 
Carol

Dear Carol
Here's how to get the Recycle Bin onto your desktop in 
Windows 10:
Select the Start button, then select Settings.
Select Personalization > Themes > Desktop icon settings.
Select the Recycle Bin check box > Apply.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


"I hear the bank is looking for a new teller."

"I thought they just hired a new teller last week."

"Right. That's the one they're looking for."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole some lumber."

"How much lumber did you steal?"

"I built my German Shepherd dog a nice new doghouse."

"That's not so bad."

"Father, I also built myself a 4-car garage."

"Well, now, that's a little more serious."

" There's more. I also built a 5 bedroom, 4 bath
house."

"That's much more serious. You'll have to make a novena."

"Father, I'm not sure what a novena is, but if you've got
the blueprints, I've got the lumber!"

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Chill Your Jello Mold
Place your Jello mold in fridge to chill before adding the 
Jello mixture. This will keep the "skin" off the mold. 

Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________





Sand Art by Ilana Yahav - Miracles don't always happen – take charge!

___________________________________________________

Since another church member, Bonnie, had mentioned that she   
and her husband were struggling with a big decision on   
whether they should become missionaries, my friend offered   
to include them on the prayer list.   

So at the meeting, my friend announced in front of the whole   
congregation, "Let's all pray that Bonnie and Lee can make a   
decision about the missionary position."   

___________________________________________________

Re graduating from highschool:
Interesting article in the NY Times about the government
desperately trying to come up with a single formula for
figuring out how many kids graduated and how many were
left behind. Apparently each state fudges the figures differently
and some don't have the skills to do even that.

Should be simple enough: X kids were born, Y kids graduated,
Z = X - Y and shows the number of kids left behind. Apparently
that is not democratic enough, since then most states would
not qualify for Federal handouts. Also, since some states hand
out graduation diplomas for having signed up, regardless of
attending or test results, the stats are a bit unrealistic.

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


Mrs. Goldfarb was shopping at a produce stand in her 
neighborhood. She approached the vendor and asked, 
"How much are these oranges?"

"Two for a quarter," answered the vendor.

"How much is just one?" she asked.

"Fifteen cents," answered the vendor.

"Then I'll take the other one," said Mrs. Goldfarb.

___________________________________________________



Today February 6 in
1778 The United States gained official recognition from France as
the two nations signed the Treaty of Amity and Commerce and the
Treaty of Alliance in Paris. 

1815 The state of New Jersey issued the first American railroad
charter to John Stevens. 

1899 The U.S. Senate ratified a peace treaty between the U.S. and
Spain. 

1900 The Holland Senate ratified the 1899 peace conference decree
that created an international arbitration court at The Hague. 

1911 The first old-age home for pioneers opened in Prescott, AZ. 

1932 Dog sled racing happened for the first time in Olympic
competition. 

1937 K. Elizabeth Ohi became the first Japanese woman lawyer when
she received her degree from John Marshall Law School in Chicago,
IL. 

1952 Britain's King George VI died. His daughter, Elizabeth II,
succeeded him. 

1959 The U.S., for the first time, successfully test-fired a
Titan intercontinental ballistic missile from Cape Canaveral. 

1971 NASA Astronaut Alan B. Shepard used a six-iron that he had
brought inside his spacecraft and swung at three golf balls on
the surface of the moon. 

1972 Over 500,000 pieces of irate mail arrived at the mail room
of CBS-TV, when word leaked out that an edited-for-TV version of
the X-rated movie, "The Demand," would be shown. 

1973 Construction began on the CN Tower in Toronto, Ontario,
Canada. 

1985 The French mineral water company, Perrier, debuted its first
new product in 123 years. The new items were water with a twist
of lemon, lime or orange. 

1987 President Ronald Reagan turned 76 years old this day and
became the oldest U.S. President in history. 

1998 Washington National Airport was renamed for U.S. President
Ronald Reagan with the signing of a bill by U.S. President
Clinton. 

1999 King Hussein of Jordan transferred full political power to
his oldest son the Crown Prince Abdullah. 

1999 Excerpts of former White House intern Monica Lewinsky's
videotaped testimony were shown at President Clinton's
impeachment trial. 

1999 Heavy fighting resumed along the common border between
Ethiopia and Eritrea. 

2000 Russia's acting President Vladimir Putin announced that
Russian forces had captured Grozny, Chechnya. The capital city
had been under the control of Chechen rebels. 

2000 In Finland, Foreign Minister Tarja Halonen became the first
woman to be elected president. 

2000 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton formally declared
that she was a candidate for a U.S. Senate seat from the state of
New York after the sitting senator had been ordered to retire. 

2001 Ariel Sharon was elected Israeli prime minister. 

2002 A federal judge ordered John Walker Lindh to be held without
bail pending trial. Lindh was known as the "American Taliban."

2019  smiled.






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Memory Full 
Tuesday, February 5, 2019, 07:07 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, February 5

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Woman arrested after punching a fellow 
stripper and ripping electrical meter 
off club's wall

______________________________________________________
Today, February 5 in
1782 The Spanish captured Minorca from the British.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



Normal is not something to aspire to, it's something to get away
from.
--- Jodie Foster (1962 - )

Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so.
--- John Stuart Mill (1806 - 1873)

The upper classes are... a nation's past; the middle class is its
future.
--- Ayn Rand (1905 - 1982) 
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

John's beloved old super economy car was in deplorable 
shape, but he refused to get rid of it. So when the old junker 
was stolen from his office parking lot, his family was delighted.

Nonetheless, they called the police and filed an insurance 
claim.

Their relief was short-lived, within an hour an officer was on
the phone. "We found the car less than a mile away," he said,
trying to restrain himself. "It had a note on it that read,
'Thanks anyway, we'd rather walk.'"

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

The good bishop knew very well that not only did everyone in his
small town look to him for an example, but that all too often,
all eyes were on him as potential fodder for the local gossip
mill, as well.

This could be wearing; but usually, he was able to provide the
good example and escape the tattlers. One night, however, after a
long, hard day, a social obligation beckoned on top of his church
responsibilities, and he came to a sudden stopping place.

His hostess, noting that he looked tired, asked with concern, 
"A spot of tea, Bishop?"

"No, thank you," he managed. "No tea."

"Ah," she said. "Coffee, then?"

"No coffee either, thank you."

In the spirit of triage, she leaned closer and murmured, 
"I could bring you a scotch and soda in a coffee mug?"

"My dear, this is my last word: NO soda."

______________________________________________________



Blue Carpenter Bee
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Christie Caratini-Mendoza, 
37,
New Port Richey,
Florida

Woman arrested after punching a fellow 
stripper and ripping electrical meter 
off club's wall

As the pole-dancing exercise trend of recent years taught the
rest of us, exotic dancing takes some muscle. Police say a
stripper in Florida showed her strength (and fearlessness) in a
different way this week, by ripping an entire electrical meter
off the wall of the club.

According to local station WFLA, police say Christie Caratini-
Mendoza, a stripper at Desire Gentleman’s Club in New Port
Richey, Fla., got into a fight with a co-worker. She reportedly
punched the other woman, knocked her down and kicked her. Police
say she then took her anger out on the Progress Energy meter
bolted to the wall of the club, dismantling the meter and hiding
it.




From: Yorkie
Re: Memory full

Dear DearWebby,
CAN YOU TELL ME HOW I KNOW IF MY MEMORY IS FULL?


Dear Yorkie
When you save a picture from a page, and Windows wants to 
save it as a .BMP file instead of JPG or GIF, then your RAM 
memory is so full that pretty soon programs will start to lock
up. 
Then it's time to log off AOL, run CrapCleaner or reboot.
Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


Mr. and Mrs. Steinfeld are asleep in their beds late one night, 
when Mrs. Steinfeld hears a noise downstairs.

"Wake up!" cried Mrs. Steinfeld, nudging her husband.

"There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they're eating the
pot roast I made tonight!"

"That will teach them!" said Mr. Steinfeld. 
"I just hope  they don't die in the house!"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Parents can be very upset when their children don't get into   
the college of their choice.  As an admissions counselor for   
a state university, I took a call from an irate mother who   
was demanding to know why her daughter had been turned down.   

Avoiding any mention of the transcript full of D's, I   
explained that her daughter just wasn't as "competitive" as   
the admitted class.  "Why doesn't she try anther school for   
a year and then transfer?" I suggested.   

"Another school!" exclaimed the Mother. "Have you seen her   
grades?"   

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Fixing Tweezers
Have your tweezers flattened out and lost their spring? 
Close the tweezers with a pencil placed halfway between 
the hinge and the points to increase the bend. Then they 
should grip again. 

Before bending the tweezers it is a good idea to first true 
the tips by pulling a double-sided diamond grit nail file
or folded sandpaper sideways through the tips a few times.
The sideways wipe will leave a microscopic version of the
serration on pliers. 
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________





The Sun King's perfumed bath.

___________________________________________________

Panicking when her toddler swallowed a tiny magnet; my   
sister, Betty, rushed him to the emergency room.   

"He'll be fine," the doctor promised her. "The magnet should   
pass through his system in a day or two."   

"HDo you cook?ow will I be sure?" she pressed.   

"Well," the doctor suggested, "you could stick him on the   
refrigerator. When he falls off, you'll know."   

___________________________________________________

A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read 
"Unique Breakfast", so he walked in and sat down.

The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted.

"What's your 'Unique Breakfast'?" he asked inquisitively.

"Baked tongue of chicken," she replied proudly.

"Baked tongue of chicken? Do you have ANY idea how disgusting
that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came
out of a chicken's mouth!" the man fumed.

Undaunted, the waitress asked, "Well, what would you like then,
sir?"

The man replied, "Just bring me some scrambled eggs."

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office.  "Boss,"
he says, "I've been volunteered to help move furniture for
my mother-in-law tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help 
with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."

"We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't give
you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"

___________________________________________________



Today February 5 in
1782 The Spanish captured Minorca from the British. 

1783 Sweden recognized the independence of the United States. 

1861 Samuel Goodale patented the moving picture peep show
machine. 

1885 Congo State was established under Leopold II of Belgium, as
a personal possession. 

1917 Mexico's constitution was adopted. 

1917 The U.S. Congress passed the Immigration Act of 1917
(Asiatic Barred Zone Act) with an overwhelming majority. The
action overrode President Woodrow Wilson's December 14, 1916
veto. 

1924 The BBC time signals, or "pips", from Greenwich Observatory
were heard for the first time. They are broadcast every hour. 

1931 Maxine Dunlap became the first woman licensed as a glider
pilot. 

1952 In New York City, four signs were installed at 44th Street
and Broadway in Times Square that told pedestrians "don't walk." 

1958 Gamel Abdel Nasser was formally nominated to become the
first president of the United Arab Republic. 

1962 French President Charles De Gaulle called for Algeria's
independence. 

1982 Great Britain imposed economic sanctions against Poland and
Russia in protest against martial law in Poland. 

1988 A pair of indictments were unsealed in Florida, accusing
Panama's military leader, Gen. Manuel Antonio Noriega, of bribery
and drug trafficking. 

1994 White separatist Byron De La Beckwith was convicted in
Jackson, MS, of the 1963 murder of civil rights leader Medgar
Evers. 

1997 Switzerland's "Big Three" banks announced they would create
a $71 million fund for Holocaust victims and their families. 

1997 Investment bank Morgan Stanley announced a $10 billion
merger with Dean Witter. 

1999 Mike Tyson was sentenced to a year in jail for assaulting
two people after a car accident on August 31, 1998. Tyson was
also fined $5,000, had to serve 2 years of probation, and had to
perform 200 hours of community service upon release. 

2001 Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman announced their separation. 

2019  smiled.






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She is not getting her mail out 
Monday, February 4, 2019, 10:30 AM
Posted by Administrator
		








Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, February 4

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Dumb looking creep busted for 
identity theft

______________________________________________________
Today, February 4 in
1824 J.W. Goodrich introduced rubber galoshes to the public.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



What's done cannot be undone.
--- William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)

It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes
only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.
--- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995)

Setting a good example for children takes 
all the fun out of middle age.
--- William Feather
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A cop stops a speeding car and tells the woman driver:
"When I saw you driving down the road, I thought to myself,
"sixty-five at least."

The woman replied: I don't think that is quite fair. I think this
hat makes me look older.

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop 
where two Americans are waiting.

"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks.
The two Americans just stare at him.

"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two
continue to stare.

"Parlare Italiano?" No response.

"Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing.

The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first
American turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we
should learn a foreign language."

"Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and
it didn't do him any good."

______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Julian Mitchell,
20,
Davidson County,
Tennessee

Dumb looking creep busted for 
identity theft

The 20-year-old Tennessee resident was arrested Thursday night
for identity theft after allegedly trying to use another man’s
bank card at a Nashville bar.

A search subsequent to Mitchell’s arrest found the victim’s
wallet inside the defendant’s fanny pack.

Mitchell is being held in the Davidson County jail in lieu of
$25,000 bond. He is scheduled for a February 4 court appearance.




From: Sam
Re: Not getting my mail out

Dear DearWebby,
I am writing this from my daughter's computer. Any mail I
send to you or almost everyone, never gets there. Yet a few
people do get it. What am I doing wrong? By the way, my
own email address is samtc@***.com
Sam

Dear Sam
I found your samtc address in my blacklist. Most likely all
your other contact also have you blacklisted.

Have you at one time been a silly nuisance and annoyed
people with an a%to-responder? With today's spam protection
programs it is common and normal to automatically blacklist
nuisance mail like a%to-responders. If I sent the Humor Letter
out with that word in the subject line, I would probably get
twenty thousand bounces or complaints that it did not arrive.

Even worse are automatic confirmation requests sent out
automatically. Some of them collect email addresses for spam
purposes, the rest of them are often so insecure that spammers
routinely raid them and harvest the addresses. 
Naturally, those will get you blacklisted too.

About all you can do is change your address to one that has
not been blacklisted, and make sure that you are not using
anything that looks like you are being a nuisance again.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


Delivering his speech at the opening banquet of a national
convention, the visiting minister told several anecdotes he
expected to repeat at meetings the next day.

Because he wanted to use the jokes again, he requested that
the reporters omit them from any accounts they might turn in to
their newspapers. A cub reporter, in commenting on the speech,
ended his piece with the following:

"The minister told a number of stories that cannot be printed
here."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Two women were paired together as partners in a club
tournament and met on the putting green for the first time.

After introductions, the first golfer asked the second,
"What's your handicap?"

"Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied.

"Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed
that she was paired up with such a strong player.

"Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the
bad ones!

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Cleaning Contact Lenses 
Before cleaning your contact lenses, close the drain in 
your bathroom sink or cover it with a washcloth. This will 
keep the lenses from going down the drain if you drop them. 

Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________





Lets travel to Bulgaria today.

___________________________________________________

A man goes to the doctor with a swollen foot. After a careful   
examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to   
choke a horse.   

"I'll be right back with some water," the doctor tells him.   

The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience.   
He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down   
his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his   
throat. He hobbles back into the examining room.   

The doctor comes back with a pan of warm water. "Ok, after   
the tablet dissolves, you can sit here and soak that foot for   
at least 20 minutes."   

___________________________________________________

Upset over a newlywed squabble with my husband, I went to   
my mother to complain. Trying to console me, my dad said   
that men are not all like this all the time.   

"Nonsense," I said, inconsolable. "Men are good for only   
one thing!"   

"Yes," my mother interjected, "but how often do you have to   
parallel park?"   

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


 We have women in the military, but they don't put us
 in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight or
 if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has
 to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the
 enemy over there? They say you look fat in those
 uniforms."
--- Elayne Boosler

___________________________________________________



Today February 4 in
1783 Britain declared a formal cessation of hostilities with its
former colonies, the United States of America. 

1789 Electors unanimously chose George Washington to be the first
president of the United States. 

1824 J.W. Goodrich introduced rubber galoshes to the public. 

1847 In Maryland, the first U.S. Telegraph Company was
established. 

1861 Delegates from six southern states met in Montgomery, AL, to
form the Confederate States of America. 

1901 "Captain Jinks of the Horse Marines" opened in New York
City. 

1904 The Russo-Japanese War began after Japan laid siege to Port
Arthur. 

1913 Louis Perlman received a patent for his demountable tire-
carrying rims. 

1932 The first Winter Olympics were held in the United States at
Lake Placid, NY. 

1935 CBS radio presented "Mrs. Wiggs of the Cabbage Patch" for
the first time. 

1936 Radium E. became the first radioactive substance to be
produced synthetically. 

1945 During World War II, U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt,
British Prime Minister Winston Churchill and Soviet leader Josef
Stalin began a conference at Yalta to outline plans for Germany's
defeat. 

1948 Ceylon gained independence within the British Commonwealth.
The country later became known as Sri Lanka. 

1953 "The Stooge" premiered at the Paramount Theatre in New York
City. 

1957 Smith-Corona Manufacturing Inc., of New York, began selling
portable electric typewriters. The first machine weighed 19
pounds. 

1968 The world's largest hovercraft was launched at Cowes, Isle
of Wight. 

1973 The Reshef was unveiled as Israel's missile boat. 

1974 Patricia (Patty) Hearst was kidnapped in Berkeley, CA, by
the Symbionese Liberation Army. 

1976 An earthquake in Guatemala and Honduras killed more than
22,000 people. 

1985 U.S. President Ronald Reagan's defense budget called for a
tripling of the expenditure on the "Star Wars" research program. 

1993 Russian scientists unfurled a giant mirror in orbit and
flashed a beam of sunlight across Europe during the night.
Observers saw it only as a momentary flash. 

1997 A civil jury in California found O.J. Simpson liable in the
death of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman.
Goldman's parents were awarded $8.5 million in compensatory
damages. 

1997 Two Israeli troop-carrying helicopters collided on their way
to Lebanon, all 73 soldiers and airmen aboard were killed. 

1997 Mario Lemieux (Pittsburgh Penguins) scored his 600th
National Hockey League (NHL) goal during his 719th game. Lemieux
reached the milestone second fastest in history. Gretzky had
reached the plateau during his 718th game. 

1998 In northeast Afghanistan, at least 5,000	people were killed
in an earthquake that measured 6.1 on the Richter Scale. 

1999 Warplanes from Israel attacked south Lebanon just after
rockets were fired toward Israel. No casualies were claimed on
either side. 

1999 Amadou Diallo, an unarmed West African immigrant, was shot
and killed in front of his Bronx home by four plainclothes New
York City police officers. The officers had been conducting a
nighttime search for a rape suspect. 

2000 Austrian President Thomas Klestil swore in a coalition
government that included Joerg Haider's far-right Freedom Party.
European Union sanctions were a result of the action. 

2003 Yugoslavia was formally dissolved by lawmakers. The country
was replaced with a loose union of its remaining two republics,
Serbia and Montenegro. 

2004 The social networking website Facebook.com was launched. 

2019  smiled.





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Best Map program 
Sunday, February 3, 2019, 08:06 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, February 3

Thank you, Mary!

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Florida man called 911 more than 200 times 
and hung up. He is in jail now.

______________________________________________________
Today, February 3 in
1966 The first rocket-assisted controlled landing on the Moon 
was made by the Soviet space vehicle Luna IX.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects.
--- Lester B. Pearson (1897 - 1972)

If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end,
I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
--- Dorothy Parker

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, 
do more and become more, you are a leader. 
--- John Quincy Adams

The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he
becomes an adolescent; 
the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; 
the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise."
--- Alden Nowlan
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

>From Bert
Apparently I tend to brag too much about my home state of   
Ohio. One day I told a long-suffering friend, "You know,   
the first man in powered flight was from Ohio. The first   
man to orbit the earth was from Ohio. And the first man on   
the moon was from Ohio."   

"Sounds like a lot of people are trying to get out of Ohio,"   
he observed.   

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

>From Dave
I'm dyslexic, and attended a conference about the disorder   
with a friend. The speakers asked us to share a personal   
experience with the group. I told them stress aggravates   
my condition, in which I reverse words and letters when I'm   
tense.   

When I finished speaking, my friend leaned over and whispered   
to me, "Now I know why you named your daughter Hannah."   

______________________________________________________







Snow blower on the White Pass and Yukon Route railroad, 
steam powered, built in 1909.

Winter and summer picture.
The cast iron vanes are perfectly balanced, and adjustable to
suit the type of snow of the day. You just see the cutters.
Behind them are the "throwers", that fling the cut snow 50 feet.

_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Michael Reston, 
38,
St. Augustine Beach,
Florida

He's called 911 more than 200 times 
and hangs up.

A man accused of habitually calling 911 and hanging up is now
facing charges in St. Johns County.

Michael Reston, 38, was booked into the St. Johns County jail on
what law enforcement calls a public order crime.

Just before 2 a.m. Wednesday, St. Augustine Beach police officers
were called out to the St. Augustine Beach pier to investigate a
911 hang up complaint.

Dispatchers said they had received a 911 hang up from the same
number just days prior.

According to the police report, officers found Reston in his car
and he admitted to calling 911 and not having an emergency. 

That’s when officers decided to look him up on their system. 

Officers say he previously made identical calls in Tampa, Port
St. Lucie and St. Johns County.

According to Tampa police, Reston called 911 approximately 200
times in two months.

St. Augustine visitor Maurice Lafleur called it unacceptable.

Call 911 is “an abuse of something that (is) better left for real
emergencies,” Lafleur said.

A Sheriff’s Office spokesperson said it’s not just illegal but
also costly. 

Call centers are required to dispatch officers to make sure
there’s no real emergency -- not to mention the potential of
holding up the line for someone needing help.

“If you abuse the system, it’s normal that you should be
sanctioned for something,” Lafleur said.

The report said Reston told deputies he had been sleeping in his
car and wanted to talk with someone. 

He was issued a trespass warning and charged with misuse of 911,
which is a misdemeanor punishable by up to one year in jail
and/or a $1,000 fine.





From: Mila
Re: Map site

Dear DearWebby,
You are probably preparing for your annual desert run and
will be up to date on which mapping site is best nowadays.
Don't worry, I'll be heading in the opposite direction, but
would like to know what is best to use these days.
Mila

Dear Mila
Due to insufficient funds, there won't be a desert run this year.

Google maps is the lone leader.
Nothing else comes within the same class.
You can do 25 stops per map.

Yahoo maps goes haywire at or before 10 stops,
Mapquest can handle a lot of stops, but their fat blue
line obliterating highway and road names makes it quite
useless.
MSN maps is the worst.

With Google you can also use Google Earth. The interface
between Google Earth and Google maps seems to be Microsoft
inspired. Same company, but not fully compatible. You can 
step down from Google Earth to Google Maps by selecting
printable version of your route, but you can't edit the map,
step back up to Google Earth and expect the edit to show.
It's strictly a one way relationship. If enough people get noisy
about it, they will probably fix it, so that you can step back 
and forth.

In summary:
For route planning and printing: Google Maps is best.
The overviews and printouts are quite readable while driving.

For detail "homework", Google Earth is best. You can do 
fly-overs if you have an old version, embed links to pictures,
articles, opening times, even hotel registration information.
It's actually quite amazing what you can do with Google Earth.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


Old words with new meanings...

1. Coffee: (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted: (adj.) appalled by discovering how much weight
one has gained. 

3. Abdicate: (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat
stomach.

4. Esplanade: (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-Nilly: (adj.) impotent. 

6. Negligent: (adj.) absentmindedly answering the door when
wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph: (v.) to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle: (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence: (n.) emergency vehicle that picks up someone who
has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash: (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle: (n.) a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude: (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.

13. Pokemon: (n.) a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster: (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism: (n.) the belief that, after death, the soul
flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent: (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn
by Jewish men.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's 
marriage seminar. At a session, last week, the Priest asked 
Luigi, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to 
take a few, minutes and share some insight into how he had 
managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, "Well, I've a-tried to 
treat-a her nice, spend the money on her, but best is that I 
took-a her to Italy for the 20th anniversary!"

The Priest responded, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration 
to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning 
for your wife for your 50th anniversary."

Luigi proudly replied, "I'm a-gonna go to visit her!"

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Cooking Sausage Links 
Stick two toothpicks through three links of breakfast 
sausage before cooking. It makes them easy to flip over, 
they cook evenly and stay together in the pan or on your 
griddle. 

Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________






Flashback - Remember the roadside diner?

___________________________________________________

Sam and Ruth from Maine had just bought a new car when winter 
just would not end this year.
"I wonder if the car has seat warmers," Ruth said. 

"It sure does," said Sam, looking through the owner's manual. 
"Here it is: rear defrosters." 

___________________________________________________

A tourist from the United States of America is at
a restaurant in Havana. He tells the waiter that
the USA is the best country in the world because
of the freedoms it has.

He says, "Take Freedom of Speech for example. I
could stand in front of the White House in
Washington D.C. and yell 'President Trump is a
bastard!' and nothing would be done to me."

The Cuban waiter replies, "We have that same
freedom in Cuba. I could stand in front of El
Capital and yell lies about Trump, and nothing would
be done to me either!"

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


A little boy came home from the playground with a bloody nose, 
black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he'd been in a bad 
fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked
his son what happened. 

"Well, Dad," said the boy, "I challenged Larry to a duel. And,
you know, I gave him his choice of weapons." 

"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair." 

"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his big sister!"

___________________________________________________



Today February 3 in
1488 The Portuguese navigator Bartholomeu Diaz landed at Mossal
Bay in the Cape, the first European known to have landed on the
southern extremity of Africa. 

1690 The first paper money in America was issued by the
Massachusetts colony. The currency was used to pay soldiers that
were fighting in the war against Quebec. That way, if they were
killed, no real money was lost.

1783 Spain recognized the independence of the United States. 

1815 The world's first commercial cheese factory was established
in Switzerland. 

1862 Thomas Edison printed the "Weekly Herald" and distributed it
to train passengers traveling between Port Huron and Detroit, MI.
It was the first time a newspaper had been printed on a train. 

1869 Edwin Booth opened his new theatre in New York City. The
first production was "Romeo and Juliet". 

1900 In Frankfort, KY, gubernatorial candidate William Goebels
died from an assasin's bullet wounds. On August 18, 1900, Ex-Sec.
of State Caleb Powers was found guilt of conspiracy to murder
Gov. Goebels. 

1913 The 16th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. It
authorized the power to impose and collect income tax. 

1916 In Ottawa, Canada's original parliament buildings burned
down. 

1917 The U.S. broke off diplomatic relations with Germany, which
had announced a policy of unrestricted submarine warfare. 

1918 The Twin Peaks Tunnel began service. It was the longest
streetcar tunnel in the world at 11,920 feet. 

1941 In Vichy, France, the Nazis used force to restore Pierre
Laval to office. 

1945 Russia agreed to enter World War II against Japan, since the
end of WWII had become quite obvious.

1951 Dick Button won the U.S. figure skating title for the sixth
time. 

1966 The first rocket-assisted controlled landing on the Moon was
made by the Soviet space vehicle Luna IX. 

1969 At the Palestinian National Congress in Cairo, Yasser Arafat
was appointed leader of the PLO. 

1972 The first Winter Olympics in Asia were held at Sapporo,
Japan. 

1984 Challenger 4 was launched as the tenth space shuttle
mission. 

1989 South African politician P.W. Botha unwillingly resigned
both party leadership and the presidency after suffering a
stroke. 

1998 Texas executed Karla Faye Tucker. She was the first woman
executed in the U.S. since 1984. 

1998 In Italy, a U.S. Military plane hit a cable causing the
death of 20 skiers on a lift. 

2009 Eric Holder was sworn in as attorney general. He was the
first African-American to hold the post. 

2010 The Alberto Giacometti sculpture L'Homme qui marche sold for
$103.7 million. 

2015 The British House of Commons voted to approve letting
scientist create babies from the DNA of three people. 

2019  smiled.






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Setting restore points 
Saturday, February 2, 2019, 08:10 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, February 2

Thank you, Gordon!!!

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Florida girl,14, steals Pizza delivey car

______________________________________________________
Today, February 2 in
1892 William Painter patented the bottle cap. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent,
hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent
that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them.
--- Lily Tomlin (1939 - )
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, 
a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth  When she 
was discharged from the hospital and went home, 
Joyce went to visit.

'May I see the new baby?' she asked.
'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for 
a while first.'

Thirty minutes had passed, and Joyce asked, 'May I see 
the new baby now?'

'No, not yet,' She said.

After another half hour elapsed, Joyce asked again, 

'May I see the baby now?'

'No, not yet,' replied my friend.

Growing very impatient, she asked, 'Well, when can I 
see the baby?'

'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told her.

'WHEN HE CRIES?' Joyce demanded. 'Why do I have 
to wait until he CRIES?'

'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!'

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

While waiting her turn at the catalogue-order desk, my 
mother heard the clerk explain to a customer that their 
state-of-the-art computer would call him when his order 
came in. 

The man told her to leave a message on his answering 
machine if he wasn't home. 

The woman became flustered. "I'm sorry, sir," she replied, 
"but our computer won't talk to a machine."

---------
Well, I don't accept robo calls. 
Click.

______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Josie Bigelow, 14,
Leehigh Acres,
Florida

Florida girl stole Pizza Delivery vehicle

Needing a ride to her boyfriend’s house, a Florida Girl yesterday
ordered pizzas to a neighbor’s house and then popped out of some
nearby bushes and stole the car driven by a Papa John’s
deliveryman, police allege.

As detailed in a police report, Josie Bigelow, 14, placed the
phony food order early Wednesday to lure the victim to a street
near her home in Lehigh Acres, a Fort Myers suburb.

As the driver walked to the front door of a residence with pizza
in hand, Bigelow emerged from some nearby woods and hopped into
the 49-year-old deliveryman’s unlocked 2006 Ford Taurus.

Bigelow was subsequently arrested about six miles from the heist
scene, where investigators say she sought to ditch the hot wheels
in a stranger’s driveway. Before getting collared, the girl twice
escaped from a pursuing sheriff’s deputy.

The teenager, seen above, was arrested around 3:15 AM for grand
theft auto and booked into the local juvenile detention center
(from which she was released after a few hours in custody).

In an interview with a local TV station, Bigelow’s father said
the juvenile “needs an ass whipping...That and jail.” Joseph
Bigelow also told police that his daughter “has fallen in with a
bad crowd” and mentioned “how bad her behavior had been recently.


I wonder who taught her how to drive well enough to get away from
the deputies twice, with am old Ford Taurus. For a 14 year old,
that is quite amazing!





From: Sharon
Re: Setting a restore point

Dear DearWebby,
I love your humor & beautiful pictures I have saved many 
& sent many on to others.

Can you explain in simple terms for a "dummy" what it a 
restore point & how do I do one?

Will Il lose all the current data such as saved mail, graphics 
etc? Should it be put on a disk for backup?
Since I had the problem with the old pc I thought about 
doing one for this one. I'm not having any problems here 
now.
Thanks for all your patience & helpful tips.
Sharon

Dear Sharon
The restore point is just for Windows settings, and not for your
data. All your data is perfectly safe.

When everything is working just right, that is the time
to make a restore point. If an experiment goes wrong,
you can restore the system settings to that good
restore point.

Many people schedule restore points to be set 
automatically once per week.

To set a System Restore Point... 
Open the Start menu 
Open the Programs menu 
Open the Accessories menu 
Open the System Tools menu 
Finally, start System Restore 
Pick the option for setting a System Restore Point and click 
on the Next button 
Fill in a name for the restore point so you can find it and 
click on the Create button 
Click on the Close button when done 

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

Dr. Bloom was known for his miracle cures for arthritis. 
One day, his waiting room was full of people when in 
shuffles a little old lady, bent nearly double, leaning on 
her cane.

When her name was called, she ambled into the patient 
visitation area and, amazingly, emerged less than thirty 
minutes later, walking completely upright, with her head 
held high. 

A woman who had seen the old lady come in to the office 
stood and approached her. "This is incredible!" she exclaimed. 
"You walked through that door bent in half, and now you're 
walking as straight and tall as a young woman! What kind of 
miracle did that doctor DO for you?" 

The old lady looks the woman in the eye and says, "Miracle, 
shmiracle ... he gave me a longer cane." 



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




>From Thor
The generation gap proved glaringly obvious at the mail-order   
music company where my wife works as a customer service   
representative.   

Some college students, who were working part-time inputting   
customer information, wrote the following notes regarding   
some golden oldies: "Customer is looking for two song titles:   
'Shovel Off Two Buffaloes' and 'Honey, Suck a Rose.'"   

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Hanging Linens
To prevent creases when hanging linens from wire hangers, 
take a cardboard tube from a used up roll of paper towels 
and cut lengthwise. Then slip it over the wire hanger and 
apply tape where you cut the tube. Then you can rest your 
linens on the tube instead of the wire. 

Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________





Best of the week "People are Awesome."

___________________________________________________

Here is a list of fake Universities supposedly used
on McDonald's Applications


~Salsa Rancho College
~Reboot University
~Slick State University
~Innuendo Night College
~World Global University
~Sweet Dill Junior College
~North by Northeastern U.
~Kansas Pacific University
~Texas  Aunt Em College
~University of California at Sunset
~Massachusetts Institute of Trees
~St. Cunnilingus Day School
~College of the Equator
~Pungent University of the West
~Shoe Fly Pie Academy
~Menthol State University
~Bay Rum Polytechnic University
~Yahoo College of Atlantis
~Exterior Latex School of Art
~Moon River Divinity School
~Clinica Veterinaria de Brazil
~Louisiana College of Dentistry & Dressmaking
~Uganda U.
~Hash Brown University
~Upstairs Downstairs on the Right College
~Simple Simian School of Tax Fraud
~Plagiarism Creative Writing College
~Degree Mill of Miami Beach

___________________________________________________

Soon after marriage, a lady's husband stopped wearing his wedding ring.
She asked, "Why don't you ever wear your wedding band?"

He replied, "It cuts off my circulation."

She answered back, "It's supposed to!"

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


A man requested Lynn, a locally well known painter,  to 
paint him in the nude.

"No" she said. "I don't do that sort of thing."

"I'll increase your fee two times," he said.

"No, no thanks!!"

"I'll give five times as much as you normally get."

"Okay," said Lynn, "but you have to let me at least wear 
my socks or a belt. I need somewhere to put my brushes."

___________________________________________________



Today February 2 in
1536 The Argentine city of Buenos Aires was founded by Pedro de
Mendoza of Spain. 

1653 New Amsterdam, now known as New York City, was incorporated.


1848 The Mexican War was ended with the signing of the Treaty of
Guadalupe Hidalgo. The treaty turned over portions of land to the
U.S., including Texas, New Mexico, Nevada, Utah, Arizona,
California and parts of Colorado and Wyoming. The U.S. gave
Mexico $15,000,000 and assumed responsibility of all claims
against Mexico by American citizens. Texas had already entered
the U.S. on December 29, 1845. 

1848 The first shipload of Chinese emigrants arrived in San
Francisco, CA. 

1863 Samuel Langhorne Clemens used a pseudonym for the first
time. He is better remembered by the pseudonym which is Mark
Twain. 

1870 The "Cardiff Giant" was revealed to be nothing more than
carved gypsum. The discovery in Cardiff, NY, was alleged to be
the petrified remains of a human. 

1878 Greece declared war on Turkey. 

1880 The S.S. Strathleven arrived in London with the first
successful shipment of frozen mutton from Australia. 

1887 The beginning of Groundhog Day in Punxsutawney, PA. 

1892 William Painter patented the bottle cap. 

1893 The Edison Studio in West Orange, NJ, made history when they
filmed the first motion picture close-up. The studio was owned
and operated by Thomas Edison. 

1897 The Pennsylvania state capitol in Harrisburg was destroyed
by fire. The new statehouse was dedicated nine years later on the
same site. 

1913 Grand Central Terminal officially opened at 12:01 a.m. Even
though construction was not entirely complete more than 150,000
people visited the new terminal on its opening day. 

1935 Leonard Keeler conducted the first test of the polygraph
machine, in Portage, WI. 

1943 During World War II, the remainder of Nazi forces from the
Battle of Stalingrad surrendered to the Soviets. Stalingrad has
since been renamed Volgograd. 

1945 U.S. President Roosevelt and British Prime Minister Winston
Churchill left for a summit in Yalta with Soviet leader Josef
Stalin. 

1946 The first Buck Rogers automatic pistol was made. 

1962 The 8th and 9th planets aligned for the first time in 400
years. 

1971 Idi Amin assumed power in Uganda after a coup that ousted
President Milton Obote. 

1980 The situation known as "Abscam" began when reports surfaced
that the FBI had conducted a sting operation that targeted
members of the U.S. Congress. A phony Arab businessman was used
in the operation. 

1989 The final Russian armored column left Kabul, Afghanistan,
after nine years of military occupation and armed opposition by
CIA funded, armed and trained Taliban. 

1990 South African President F.W. de Klerk lifted a ban on the
African National Congress and promised to free Nelson Mandela. 

1999 19 people were killed at Luanda international airport when a
cargo plane crashed just after takeoff. 

1999 Hugo Chávez Frías took office. He had been elected president
of Venezuela in December 1998. 

2004 It was reported that a white powder had been found in an
office of Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. The CDC (Centers for
Disease Control and Prevention) later confirmed that the powder
was the poison ricin.

2019  smiled.






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Windows Update bug 
Friday, February 1, 2019, 11:12 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, February 1
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Today's Bonehead Award: 

______________________________________________________
Today, February 1 in
1788 Isaac Briggs and William Longstreet patented the steamboat.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.
--- Otto von Bismarck (1815 - 1898) 

According to Glamour magazine, 83 percent of women tell   
their friends secrets to their husbands. So women, if you   
tell your girlfriend something, 83 percent chance she will   
tell her husband. But the good news? One hundred percent   
of the men aren't listening anyway.
--- Jay Leno   

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance 
of a good example.
--- Mark Twain
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie   
popped up out of his ashtray.   

"And what will your third wish be?"   

The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be   
getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second   
wish yet?"   

"You have had two wishes already," the genie said, "but your   
second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was   
before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing,   
because everything is the way it was before you made any   
wishes. You now have one wish left."   

"Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the   
heck. I've always wanted to understand women. I'd love to   
know what's going on inside their heads."   

"Funny," said the genie as it granted his wish and dis-   
appeared forever, "That was your first wish, too!"   

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

An exterminating company was giving free termite
inspections, and my dad phoned for an appointment.
After the inspector checked out our house, he said to Dad,
"You don't have any termites right now, but there's a bunch
of 'em in that firewood out back. When they've eaten their
way through it, I guarantee they'll head for your house."

Dad was silent for a moment. Then, in his slow drawl, he
replied, "Well, from the prices you quoted, I figure it would
be cheaper for me just to buy the termites another cord of
wood."

______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Stefan Ryan Shuford,
Kernersville,
North Carolina

Man charged with thrusting face into 
buttocks of women

A man faces charges after thrusting his face into the buttocks of
multiple women in Kernersville, North Carolina, police reported.

Stefan Ryan Shuford was arrested on multiple counts of assault on
a female and sexual battery, according to a press release from
Kernersville police.

Police investigated three reports of a man inappropriately
touching women on the 300, 900 and 1100 blocks of South Main
Street area on Friday.

He’s accused of sneaking up behind women and thrusting his face
into their buttocks and licking their buttocks.

Police say all incidents happened in areas where people were
shopping.

Shuford was identified as the suspect and was arrested and jailed
in Forsyth County under a $50,000 secured bond.





From: Gordon
Re: W7 Update bug

Dear DearWebby,
For the past couple of weeks, my computer keeps locking up and
the only way to get it to start again is to power off/on. When I
restart the computer, the message I get is “Windows 10 Update
Failed – EError 8004004-40019â€�. I've tried Googling this error
and it shows a registry entry to delete. However, that entry is
not there.  When I do the reboot, my computer runs fine until it
seems to try this update again. Malwarebytes checks my system
regularly and says everything is good. I'm running Windows 7
Professional and don’t really want to switch to Windows 10. Any
suggestions I can try or is my only option to upgrade to Windows
10?

Dear Gordon
It's not a virus, unless you consider Microsoft Windows to be a
virus. It seems to be a bug in their Update.

Microsoft knows it is a bug, so that their "phone a Taliban" can
tell you to downgrade to W10. 

However, since that bug has been around for almost 20 years,
there IS a troubleshooter file online

To run the troubleshooter, hit Start, search for
“troubleshooting,” and then run the selection that search comes
up with.
In the Control Panel list of troubleshooters, in the “System and
Security” section, click “Fix problems with Windows Update.”
In the Windows Update troubleshooting window, click “Advanced.”


There is more detailed info at
How to Fix Windows Update When It Gets Stuck or Frozen

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


A minister got a call from the IRS asking about a member of his
church.

"He stated on his income tax return that he gave $3,000 to the
church last year," said the IRS representative. "Is that
correct?"

"Well," said the pastor, "I don't have the records here but I'll
say this. If he hasn't yet, he will!"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things
around the house that he used to do.  When the examination was
complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it.  Tell me in plain
English what's wrong with me."

"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "You're just a
plain lazy old fart."

"Thank You." said the man.  "Now give me the Latin term, 
so that I can tell my wife!"

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Trash Can Lid Bird Bath
You can make a bird bath with a metal trash can lid by turning 
it upside down and attaching it to the top of a pedestal. A short
fence post works well for the pedestal It's easier to attach the
lid if you hacksaw off the handle. Decorate the lid with paint. 

Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________





The shirk report for the weekend.

___________________________________________________

One day at the veterinarian's office where I take my cat,
a man and the receptionist were verbally sparring.

After a few moments a technician came to her co-worker's
defense.

"Sir...Do you know what happens to aggressive males in
this office???"

___________________________________________________

Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Jill was discussing the various aspects and possible outcome of 
her insurance policy with the man at the insurance agency. 

During the discussion, she asked, "Suppose I take the life 
insurance for my husband today and tomorrow he dies. 
What will I get?" 

The agent eyed her suspiciously and replied, 
"Probably a life sentence." 

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends 
plead with him to let them take him home. He says NO -- 
he only lives a mile away. 

About five blocks from the party, the police pull him over. 
They check his license and ask him to get out of the car and
walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out 
a notice of a robbery taking place in a house around the 
block. The police tell the party animal to stay put, they'll 
be right back and they run around the corner to the robbery. 

The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home.
When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, 
and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he 
has the flu and has been in bed all day. 

A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if 
Mr. Smith is there and his wife says yes. They ask to see 
him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has 
been there all day. 

The police still have his driver's license. They ask to see
his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, 
so she takes them to the garage. She opens the door. 
There sitting in the garage is the police car, with all its 
lights still flashing.

True story; told by the driver at his first AA meeting!

___________________________________________________



Today February 1 in
1788 Isaac Briggs and William Longstreet patented the steamboat. 

1793 France declared war on Britain and Holland. 

1793 Ralph Hodgson patented oiled silk. 

1842 In New York City, the "City Despatch Post" began operations.
It was a private company that was the first to introduce adhesive
postage stamps in the western hemisphere. The company was bought
by the U.S. governemnt a few months laster and renamed "United
States City Despatch Post." 

1861 Texas voted to secede from the Union. 

1862 "The Battle Hymn of the Republic," by Julia Ward Howe was
first published in the "Atlantic Monthly." 

1867 In the U.S., bricklayers start working 8-hour days. 

1884 The first edition of the Oxford English Dictionary was
published. 

1893 Thomas A. Edison completed work on the world's first motion
picture studio in West Orange, NJ. 

1896 Puccini's opera "La Boheme" premiered in Turin. 

1898 The Travelers Insurance Company of Hartford, CT, issued the
first automobile insurance policy. Dr. Truman Martin of Buffalo,
NY, paid $11.25 for the policy, which gave him $5,000 in
liability coverage. 

1900 Eastman Kodak Co. introduced the $1 Brownie box camera. 

1913 Grand Central Terminal (also known as Grand Central Station)
opened in New York City, NY. It was the largest train station in
the world. 

1920 The first armored car was introduced. 

1920 Canada's Royal North West Mounted Police changed their name
to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. The organization was
commissioned in 1873. 

1921 Carmen Fasanella registered as a taxicab owner and driver in
Princeton, New Jersey. Fasanella retired November 2, 1989 after
68 years and 243 days of service. 

1929 Weightlifter Charles Rigoulet of France achieved the first
400 pound ‘clean and jerk’ as he lifted 402-1/2 pounds. 

1946 Norwegian statesman Trygve Lie was chosen to be the first
secretary-general of the United Nations. 

1951 The first telecast of an atomic explosion took place. 

1951 The first X-ray moving picture process was demonstrated. 

1958 The United Arab Republic was formed by a union of Egypt and
Syria. It was broken 1961. 

1960 Four black college students began a sit-in protest at a
lunch counter in Greensboro, NC. They had been refused service. 

1968 During the Vietnam War, South Vietnamese National Police
Chief Brig. Gen. Nguyen Ngoc Loan executed a Viet Cong officer
with a pistol shot to the head. The scene was captured in a news
photograph. 

1976 "Sonny and Cher" resumed on TV despite a real life divorce. 

1979 Patty Hearst was released from prison after serving 22
months of a seven-year sentence for bank robbery. Her sentence
had been commuted by U.S. President Carter. 

1979 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini was welcomed in Tehran as he
ended nearly 15 years of exile. 

1987 Terry Williams won the largest slot machine payoff, at the
time, when won $4.9 million after getting four lucky 7s on a
machine in Reno, NV. 

1991 A USAir jetliner crashed atop a commuter plane at Los
Angeles International Airport. 35 people were killed. 

1994 Jeff Gillooly pled guilty in Portland, OR, for his role in
the attack on figure skater Nancy Kerrigan. Gillooly, Tonya
Harding's ex-husband, struck a plea bargain under which he
confessed to racketeering charges in exchange for testimony
implicating Harding. 

1996 Visa and Mastercard announced security measures that would
make it safe to shop on the Internet. 

1999 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky gave a deposition
that was videotaped for senators weighing impeachment charges
against U.S. President Clinton. 

2001 Three Scottish judges found Abdel Basset al-Mergrahi guilty
of the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103, which killed 270
people. The court said that Megrahi was a member of the Libyan
intelligence service. Al-Amin Khalifa, who had been co-accused,
was acquitted and freed. 

2003 NASA's space shuttle Columbia exploded while re-entering the
Earth's atmosphere. All seven astronauts on board were killed.

2019  smiled.






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Adware 
Thursday, January 31, 2019, 11:50 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, January 31

Today in 
1995 U.S. President Clinton invoked presidential emergency
authority to provide a $20 billion loan to Mexico to stabilize
its economy.

How about asking for that loan to be paid back and use the money
for the long overdue wall?


Today's Bonehead Award: 
Pill thief steals 
laxatives instead of opioids

______________________________________________________
Today, January 31 in
1865 The 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was passed by
the U.S. House of Representatives. It was ratified by the
necessary number of states on December 6, 1865. The amendment
abolished slavery in the United States. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




The minister asked, "Is there anyone in the congregation 
who wants a prayer said for their shortcomings?"

"Yes" said a man in the front pew. "I am a spendthrift. 
I throw money around like it is growing on trees."

"Very well" said the pastor. "We will join in prayer for 
our brother...just as soon as the collection plate has 
been passed."

________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Riley's mother gets off work at 5am. One morning Riley, 4,
got up on her own for preschool, got dressed, did her hair
and put her backpack on ... all without waking her mother.

(Riley's mother takes turns with other moms taking the
children to preschool and that day another mom was driving.)

When Riley's ride came she left -- without waking her mother.
When her mother woke up and Riley was gone she was
obviously frantic.
She called the school and found out Riley was OK.

That night at dinner her mother said, "Riley, don't ever do
that again. Wake Mommy up when you go to school. I
thought somebody stole you!"

Riley replied, "Mom, you know me. If anybody would
steal me they would just bring me back right quick!"

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

A boss asked his employee, "Why were you trying to go over my
head for a raise?"

The employee denied it. "I did no such thing."

The boss proved his point. 
"You were praying for a raise weren't you?"

______________________________________________________




Holy Smoke
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________

Reported by Wayne



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Peter Hans Emery Jr. 
60,
Pinellas Park,
Florida

Pill thief steals 
laxatives instead of opioids

 An accused pill thief got more than he bargained for when he
broke into a pill box at the Pinellas Park home where he was
staying.  

Pinellas Park Police say 60-year-old Peter Hans Emery Jr. "was
observied on video camera entering the victim's lock box,
selecting a pill bottle, pouring pills into his hand and then
leaving."

What Emory didn't realize is the bottle labeled "Hydrocodone
Acetaminophen" actually contained laxatives.

According to the arrest report, Emery admitted that he took both
pills thinking they were hydrocodone, but threw them away once he
realized they were somethign else.

Emery is now facing petit theft and violation of probation on
prior theft and drug possession charges.





From: Lucille
Re: Adware

Dear DearWebby,
I have run spybot twice.  In fact, about two minutes ago, 
it congratulated me for not harboring threats.  I got on the 
web, and sure enough, crap is still popping up and 
interrupting the stuff I want to read.  Any ideas?  
Lucille

Dear Lucille,
Stuff that you agreed to suffer in lieu of cash, may not be 
removed by Spybot-Search & Destroy.
If you agreed to it, and it was mentioned on page 74 of the 
small print, then automatic programs like Spybot may not 
remove it in a wholesale manner.  That's what the judge said.

Also keep in mind that, whatever you got popping,  might not 
be spyware at all. Just because it is being a nuisance, that 
does not mean it is reporting what size bra you bought on 
eBay or Victoria's Secret.

It could be ad-ware or mal-ware or a virus infection, or it could

be "in lieu of" crap.

Spybot-Search & Destroy goes after spyware. 
That's all. 
It doesn't do laundry or vacuuming or anything else.

Malwarebytes might be able to kill that ad ware, but they too
have to tread very carefully when it comes to wholesale removal
of "in lieu" crap.  Pinko judges side with the poor, hard done by

***holes, who foist that stuff on you.

If Malwarebytes doesn't do it, you will probably have to get some
neighborhood wiz kid to go after it. There ARE programs that 
help in that, but they would just frustrate you and you would 
wind up heaving the computer out the window. Programs like 
"Hijack This!" are effective tools, but only for advanced white-
hat hackers, who have spent serious time reading instructions. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


While carpenters were working outside the old house I had   
just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had   
just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen   
asked to use the bathroom.   

With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly   
scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," I said, thinking of a   
quick solution. "I'll put down newspapers."   

"It's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already trained."   



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




>From Anna
My husband and I had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears
repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not
have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a
minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that
time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you
need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
He said, "NO, it's not. Four is larger than two." We haven't
used Sears repair since. 

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Find Your Parked Car
Take a moment to mark down your parking spot number or row on a
piece of paper.  If there is no row or spot number, just count
the spaces and rows yourself as you walk from your car to your
destination.  Also, note what entrance you use so you can leave
through the same door.

Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________





The art of Origami fascinates me. I should learn it......if I had time.

___________________________________________________

A farmer runs into the pastor of his church after missing the
morning service. "I'm sorry I missed you this morning", the
pastor says.

"Well, Rev'rund", the farmer says,"I had some hay to put up
before the rain came. I figured it was better to sit on a bale of
dry hay thinking about God than to sit in church thinking about
wet hay."

___________________________________________________

When I went with my stepdaughter to visit a prestigious
university, our student guide pointed out the nationally
ranked library and state-of-the-art science facilities.
She told us that the professors were the best in the world,
and she recommended my stepdaughter apply early to improve
her chances for admission. "We get so many applicants,"
she boasted, "because of the stature of the school."

After the tour I asked our guide, "So, why did you choose
this school?"

"Oh," she replied matter-of-factly, "Since my boyfriend graduated
here he works at the McDonalds across the parking lot."

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


A tornado hit a Kansas farmhouse just before dawn one morning.
It tore off the roof, and picked up the bed on which the
farmer and his wife slept were sleeping. By some miracle, the
cyclone set them down unharmed the next county over.

The wife was sobbing uncontrollably. "Don't be scared, Mary,"
her husband said. "We're not hurt."

Mary continued to cry. "I'm not scared," she said between
sobs. "I'm happy... this is the first time in 14 years we've
been out together."

___________________________________________________



Today January 31 in
1606 Guy Fawkes was executed after being convicted for his role
in the "Gunpowder Plot" against the English Parliament and King
James I. 

1747 The first clinic specializing in the treatment of venereal
diseases was opened at London Dock Hospital. 

1858 The Great Eastern, the five-funnelled steamship designed by
Brunel, was launched at Millwall. 

1865 In America, General Robert E. Lee was named general-in-chief
of the Confederate armies. 

1865 The 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was passed by
the U.S. House of Representatives. It was ratified by the
necessary number of states on December 6, 1865. The amendment
abolished slavery in the United States. 

1876 All Native American Indians were ordered to move into
reservations. 

1893 The trademark "Coca-Cola" was first registered in the United
States Patent Office. 

1917 Germany announced its policy of unrestricted submarine
warfare. 

1929 The USSR exiled Leon Trotsky. He found asylum in Mexico. 

1930 U.S. Navy Lt. Ralph S. Barnaby became the first glider pilot
to have his craft released from a dirigible, a large blimp, at
Lakehurst, NJ. 

1934 Jim Londos defeated Joe Savoldi in a one-fall match in
Chicago, IL. The crowd of 20,000 was one of the largest crowds to
see a wrestling match. 

1936 The radio show "The Green Hornet" debuted. 

1940 The first Social Security check was issued by the U.S.
Government. 

1944 During World War II, U.S. forces invaded Kwajalein Atoll and
other areas of the Japanese-held Marshall Islands. 

1945 Private Eddie Slovik became the only U.S. soldier since the
U.S. Civil War to be executed for desertion. 

1946 A new constitution in Yugoslavia created six constituent
republics (Serbia, Montenegro, Croatia, Slovenia, Bosnia-
Herzegovina, Macedonia) subordinated to a central authority, on
the model of the USSR. 

1950 U.S. President Truman announced that he had ordered
development of the hydrogen bomb. 

1958 Explorer I was put into orbit around the earth. It was the
first U.S. earth satellite. 

1971 Astronauts Alan B. Shepard Jr., Edgar D. Mitchell and Stuart
A. Roosa blasted off aboard Apollo 14 on a mission to the moon. 

1971 Telephone service between East and West Berlin was re-
established after 19 years. 

1982 Sandy Duncan gave her final performance as "Peter Pan" in
Los Angeles, CA. She completed 956 performances without missing a
show. 

1983 The wearing of seat belts in cars became compulsory in
Britain. 

1983 JCPenney announced plans to spend in excess of $1 billion
over the next five years to modernize stores and to accelerate a
repositioning program. 

1985 The final Jeep rolled off the assembly line at the AMC plant
in Toledo, OH. 

1990 McDonald's Corp. opened its first fast-food restaurant in
Moscow, Russia. 

1995 U.S. President Clinton invoked presidential emergency
authority to provide a $20 billion loan to Mexico to stabilize
its economy. 

1996 In Columbo, Sri Lanka, a truck was rammed into the gates of
the Central Bank. The truck filled with explosives killed at
least 86 and injured 1,400. 

2000 John Rocker (Atlanta Braves) was suspended from major league
baseball for disparaging foreigners, homosexuals and minorities
in an interview published by Sports Illustrated. 

2000 An Alaska Airlines jet crashed into the ocean off Southern
California. All 88 people on board were killed. 

2001 A Scottish court in the Netherlands convicted one Libyan and
acquitted a second in the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 over
Lockerbie, Scotland, that occurred in 1988. 

2019  smiled.






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Adware 
Wednesday, January 30, 2019, 08:35 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, January 30

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Georgia man wanted in 4 Georgia 
murders arrested in Indiana

______________________________________________________
Today, January 30 in
1972 In Northern Ireland, British soldiers shot and killed
thirteen Roman Catholic civil rights marchers. The day is known
as "Bloody Sunday." 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have
ended up where I needed to be.
--- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

Perpetual devotion to what a man calls his business, is only to
be sustained by perpetual neglect of many other things.
--- Robert Louis Stevenson (1850 - 1894) 
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan
3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.

Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have
the first pancake, I can wait.'

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be
Jesus!"

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

It was just another day at the DMV. I had taken a woman out   
on her driving test when a police cruiser came up behind   
us--sirens wailing, lights flashing.   

"Was I speeding?" she asked the officer, after both cars   
pulled over.   

"No," said the officer. "But you are driving a stolen   
vehicle."   

Smiling awkwardly, the woman turned to me. "Does this mean   
I failed my test?"   

______________________________________________________




The patrol bears are hibernating, but the wall is sold.

_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________

Reported by Wayne



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Linden Gibson,
17,
Tioga,
Louisiana

Louisiana teen arrested for hooting cow, 
told police he thought it was a raccoon

A Tioga, Louisiana teen is facing animal cruelty charges after
deputies said he shot a cow, but claimed that he thought he was
shooting a raccoon. 

17-year-old Linden Gibson was arrested Friday following an
investigation. 

His charges include aggravated cruelty to an animal, criminal
damage to property, and criminal trespassing.

Deputies did not give any information about the condition of the
cow. 

What happened to traditional Cow-Tipping? 
Too chicken to get that close?





From: Lucille
Re: Adware

Dear DearWebby,
I have run spybot twice.  In fact, about two minutes ago, 
it congratulated me for not harboring threats.  I got on the 
web, and sure enough, crap is still popping up and 
interrupting the stuff I want to read.  Any ideas?  
Lucille

Dear Lucille,
Stuff that you agreed to suffer in lieu of cash, may not be 
removed by Spybot-Search & Destroy.
If you agreed to it, and it was mentioned on page 74 of the 
small print, then automatic programs like Spybot may not 
remove it in a wholesale manner.  That's what the judge said.

Also keep in mind that, whatever you got popping,  might not 
be spyware at all. Just because it is being a nuisance, that 
does not mean it is reporting what size bra you bought on 
eBay or Victoria's Secret.

It could be ad-ware or mal-ware or a virus infection, or it could

be "in lieu of" crap.

Spybot-Search & Destroy goes after spyware. 
That's all. 
It doesn't do laundry or vacuuming or anything else.

Malwarebytes might be able to kill that ad ware, but they too
have to tread very carefully when it comes to wholesale removal
of "in lieu" crap.  Pinko judges side with the poor, hard done by

***holes, who foist that stuff on you.

If Malwarebytes doesn't do it, you will probably have to get some
neighborhood wiz kid to go after it. There ARE programs that 
help in that, but they would just frustrate you and you would 
wind up heaving the computer out the window. Programs like 
"Hijack This!" are effective tools, but only for advanced white-
hat hackers, who have spent serious time reading instructions. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


While carpenters were working outside the old house I had   
just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had   
just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen   
asked to use the bathroom.   

With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly   
scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," I said, thinking of a   
quick solution. "I'll put down newspapers."   

"It's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already trained."   



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




>From Anna
My husband and I had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears
repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not
have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a
minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that
time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you
need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
He said, "NO, it's not. Four is larger than two." We haven't used
Sears repair since. 

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Find Your Parked Car
Take a moment to mark down your parking spot number or row on a
piece of paper.  If there is no row or spot number, just count
the spaces and rows yourself as you walk from your car to your
destination.  Also, note what entrance you use so you can leave
through the same door.

Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________





I can see where the boys imagination comes from.

___________________________________________________

A farmer runs into the pastor of his church after missing the
morning service. "I'm sorry I missed you this morning", the
pastor says.

"Well, Rev'rund", the farmer says,"I had some hay to put up
before the rain came. I figured it was better to sit on a bale of
dry hay thinking about God than to sit in church thinking about
wet hay."

___________________________________________________

When I went with my stepdaughter to visit a prestigious
university, our student guide pointed out the nationally
ranked library and state-of-the-art science facilities.
She told us that the professors were the best in the world,
and she recommended my stepdaughter apply early to improve
her chances for admission. "We get so many applicants,"
she boasted, "because of the stature of the school."

After the tour I asked our guide, "So, why did you choose
this school?"

"Oh," she replied matter-of-factly, "Since my boyfriend graduated
here he works at the McDonalds across the parking lot."

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


A tornado hit a Kansas farmhouse just before dawn one morning.
It tore off the roof, and picked up the bed on which the
farmer and his wife slept were sleeping. By some miracle, the
cyclone set them down unharmed the next county over.

The wife was sobbing uncontrollably. "Don't be scared, Mary,"
her husband said. "We're not hurt."

Mary continued to cry. "I'm not scared," she said between
sobs. "I'm happy... this is the first time in 14 years we've
been out together."

___________________________________________________



Today January 30 in
1649 England's King Charles I was beheaded. 

1790 The first purpose-built lifeboat was launched on the River
Tyne. 

1798 The first brawl in the U.S. House of Representatives took
place. Congressmen Matthew Lyon and Roger Griswold fought on the
House floor. 

1847 The town of Yerba Buena was renamed San Francisco. 

1862 The U.S. Navy's first ironclad warship, the "Monitor", was
launched. 

1889 Rudolph, crown prince of Austria, and his 17-year-old
mistress, Baroness Marie Vetsera, were found shot in his hunting
lodge at Mayerling, near Vienna. 

1894 C.B. King received a patent for the pneumatic hammer. 

1900 The British fighting the Boers in South Africa ask for a
larger army. 

1910 Work began on the first board-track automobile speedway. The
track was built in Playa del Ray, CA. 

1911 The first airplane rescue at sea was made by the destroyer
"Terry." Pilot James McCurdy was forced to land in the ocean
about 10 miles from Havana, Cuba. 

1933 "The Lone Ranger" was heard on radio for the first time. The
program ran for 2,956 episodes and ended in 1955. 

1933 Adolf Hitler was named the German Chancellor. 

1948 Indian political and spiritual leader Mahatma Gandhi was
murdered by a Hindu extremist. 

1958 Yves Saint Laurent, at age 22, held his first major fashion
show in Paris. 

1958 The first two-way moving sidewalk was put in service at Love
Field in Dallas, TX. The length of the walkway through the
airport was 1,435 feet. 

1962 Two members of the "Flying Wallendas" high-wire act were
killed when their seven-person pyramid collapsed during a
performance in Detroit, MI. 

1964 January 30 The U.S. launched Ranger 6. The unmanned
spacecraft carried television cameras and was intentionally
crash-landed on the moon. The cameras did not return any pictures
to Earth. 

1968 The Tet Offensive began as Communist forces launched
surprise attacks against South Vietnamese provincial capitals. 

1972 In Northern Ireland, British soldiers shot and killed
thirteen Roman Catholic civil rights marchers. The day is known
as "Bloody Sunday." 

1979 The civilian government of Iran announced it had decided to
allow Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini to return. He had been living
in exile in France, sending tons of recorded cassettes to Iran. 

1989 The U.S. embassy in Kabul, Afghanistan was closed. 

1995 The U.N. Security Council authorized the deployment of a
6,000-member U.N. peace-keeping contingent to assume security
responsibilities in Haiti by U.S. forces. 

1995 Researchers from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
announced that clinical trials had demonstrated the effectiveness
of the first preventative treatment for sickle cell anemia. 

1996 Gino Gallagher, the reputed leader of the Irish National
Liberation Army, was shot and killed as he queued for his
unemployment benefit. 

1997 A New Jersey judge ruled that the unborn child of a female
prisoner must have legal representation. He denied the prisoner
bail reduction to enable her to leave the jail and obtain an
abortion. 

2002 Slobodan Milosevic accused the U.N. war crimes tribunal of
an "evil and hostile attack" against him. Milosevic was defending
his actions during the Balkan wars. 

2002 Japan's last coal mine was closed. The closures were due to
high production costs and cheap imports. 

2005 In Iraq, the first free Parliamentary elections since 1958
took place. 

2019  smiled.






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Adding more fonts 
Tuesday, January 29, 2019, 09:19 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, January 29

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Georgia man wanted in 4 Georgia 
murders arrested in Indiana

______________________________________________________
Today, January 29 in
1886 The first successful petrol-driven motorcar, built by Karl
Benz, was patented. Otto's earlier experimental car, that used
the rear axle as the crank shaft proved the concept, but was not
an economic success.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of
ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
--- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910), Notebooks (1935) 

The phrase "action speaks louder than words," is most easily
proven by a swift kick to the genitals.
--- Devin J. Monroe (1983 - ) 
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody 
complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he 
appeared.

"Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he 
cackled. "I have been in the open air day after day for 
some 75 years now."

The celebrants were impressed and asked how he 
managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.

"Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. 
On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever 
we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go 
outside and take a walk."

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day,
and as always the preacher was standing at the door shaking
hands as the congregation departed.  He grabbed my friend
by the hand and pulled him aside.

The preacher said to him, "You need to join the Army of the
Lord!"

My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord,
Preacher."

The preacher questioned, "How come I don't see you except
for weddings and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."

______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Daylon Delon Gamble,
27,
Rockmart,
Georgia

Georgia man wanted in 4 Georgia 
murders arrested in Indiana

 Federal authorities have arrested a man wanted in the slayings
of four people and injuring of a man in a pair of shootings in
Georgia. The Georgia Bureau of Investigation says 27-year-old
Daylon Delon Gamble was arrested Sunday in Indiana by the US
Marshal's Service. Gamble, who was wanted on four charges of
murder in the shootings Thursday night in Rockmart, about 45
miles northwest of Atlanta, was taken into custody without
incident, according to a GBI news release posted on their
Facebook page.
Authorities say 48-year-old Helen Rose Mitchell and 19-year-old
Jaequnn Davis died at one home, and 24-year-old Arkeyla Perry and
26-year-old Dadrian Cummings died at another home, the AP
reports. The GBI says 24-year-old Peerless Brown was injured at
the home where Mitchell and Davis were killed. Authorities have
not disclosed a motive or Gamble's relationship to the victims,
though they say the killings were not random. The Atlanta
Journal-Constitution reports that Gamble was paroled from state
prison in 2016 after a 2011 conviction for armed robbery and
burglary. 





From: Marilla
Re: How do I install new fonts?

Dear DearWebby,
A friend sent me a bunch of new fonts via Skype. How do 
I install them, so that all programs can use them?
Thanks
Marilla

Dear Marilla
click on Start, Run, and type in there
c:\windows\fonts

To confuse you, Windows now opens an old style 
explorer window. Don't let that stop you!
Click on File
In there you see an option called:
Install new fonts
When you click that, you get the option to browse to
the folder where you keep the stuff you get via Skype.
It ignores all other files and just shows you the fonts
that you have in that folder. Highlight the ones you
want to install and hit OK.

That's all there is to it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

After the egg hunt on Easter Sunday, the young farm boy decided
to play a prank. He went to the chicken coop and replaced every
single egg with a brightly colored one.

A few minutes later the rooster walked in saw all the colored
eggs, then storms outside and beats the crap out of the peacock.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




A little boy was roughhousing with his dog. His mother said
to him, "Now, Peter, I know you love Granger, but you're
loving him too much. How would you feel if someone huge
picked you up and squeezed you so hard you couldn't breathe?"

The boy thought a moment and then said, "I guess I'd feel
like it was Easter and Aunt Doreen was here!"

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Buying Headphones
When buying headphones, consider how they feel in your ears. 
If they aren't comfortable, you won't want to use them in the 
first place. Be sure to ask the store manager if the ear 
phones can be returned if you try them out and they are 
too uncomfortable. 

Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________






This is your internet

___________________________________________________

A man who had just undergone a very complicated
operation kept complaining about a bump on his head
and a terrible headache.

Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there
was no earthly reason why he should be complaining
of a headache.

Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be
suffering from some post operation shock, spoke to
the doctor about it.

"Don't worry about a thing, nurse," the doctor
assured her. "He really does have a bump on his head.
About halfway through the operation we ran out of
anesthetic."

___________________________________________________

Sign in the cafeteria:
Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.  


Scribbled underneath:
Socks can eat any place they want.

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the
way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in
church?"

One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

___________________________________________________



Today January 29 in
1820 Britain's King George III died insane at Windsor Castle. 

1845 Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven" was published for the first
time in the "New York Evening Mirror." 

1848 Greenwich Mean Time was adopted by Scotland. 

1850 Henry Clay introduced in the Senate a compromise bill on
slavery that included the admission of California into the Union
as a free state. 

1856 Britain's highest military decoration, the Victoria Cross,
was founded by Queen Victoria. 

1886 The first successful petrol-driven motorcar, built by Karl
Benz, was patented. Otto's earlier experimental car, that used
the rear axle as the crank shaft proved the concept, but was not
an economic success.

1916 In World War I, Paris was bombed by German zeppelins for the
first time. 

1924 R. Taylor patented the ice cream cone rolling machine. 

1940 The W. Atlee Burpee Seed Company displayed the first
tetraploid flowers at the New York City Flower Show. 

1949 "The Newport News" was commissioned as the first air-
conditioned naval ship in Virginia. 

1958 Charles Starkweather was captured by police in Wyoming. 

1963 Britain was refused entry into the EEC. 

1979 U.S. President Carter formally welcomed Chinese Vice Premier
Deng Xiaoping to the White House. The visit followed the
establishment of diplomatic relations. 

1987 "Physician’s Weekly" announced that the smile on the face of
Leonardo DeVinci's Mona Lisa was caused by a "...facial paralysis
resulting from a swollen nerve behind the ear." 

1990 Joseph Hazelwood, the former skipper of the Exxon Valdez,
went on trial in Anchorage, AK, on charges that stemmed from
America's worst oil spill. Hazelwood was later acquitted of all
the major charges and was convicted of a misdemeanor. 

1996 French President Jacques Chirac announced the "definitive
end" to nuclear testing. 

1996 La Fenice, the 204 year old opera house in Venice, was
destroyed by fire. Arson was suspected. 

1997 America Online agreed to give refunds to frustrated
customers under threat of lawsuits across the country. Customers
were unable to log on after AOL offered a flat $19.95-a-month
rate. 

1998 A bomb exploded at an abortion clinic in Birmingham, AL,
killing an off-duty policeman and severely wounding a nurse. Eric
Rudolph was charged with this bombing and three other attacks in
Atlanta. 

1999 Paris prosecutors announced the end of the investigation
into the accident that killed Britain's Princess Diana. 

1999 The U.S. Senate delivered subpoenas for Monica Lewinsky and
two presidential advisers for private, videotaped testimony in
the impeachment trial. 

2001 In Indonesia, thousands of student protesters stormed the
parliament property and demanded that President Abdurrahman Wahid
quit due to his alleged involvement in two corruption scandals.
Wahid announced that he would not resign. 

2014 Archaeologists announced that they had uncovered what they
believed to be the oldest temple in Roman antiquity. The temple
was found at the Sant'Omobono site in central Rome. 

2019  smiled.






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Scratchy sound from Notebook 
Monday, January 28, 2019, 09:42 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, January 28

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Connecticut woman charged with DUI 
was drunk on vanilla extract

______________________________________________________
Today, January 28 in
1999 Ford Motor Company announced the purchase of Sweden's Volvo
AB for $6.45 billion. They later sold it to China.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



Every crowd has a silver lining.
--- Phineas Taylor Barnum (1810 - 1891)

There is no kind of dishonesty into which otherwise good people
more easily and frequently fall than that of defrauding the
government.
--- Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790) 
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

When Sam returned to the house one evening, his wife Anni
announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen
two towels.

"Yeah," said Sam very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa,
"that wasn't very nice of her to do."

"You're darn right it wasn't," Anni said. "And they were the two
best towels we had... the ones we got from the Hilton Hotel while
we were on our honeymoon."

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

Thanks to Linda for this:
  I've had 2 Bypass surgeries.  A hip replacement, new knees.
Fought   prostate cancer, and diabetes.  I'm half blind, can't
hear anything   quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different
medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.

Have bouts with dementia.

Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.  
Have lost all my friends.

But.....Thank God, I still have my Florida driver's license!

______________________________________________________




Wood Sandpiper. Photo by Abdul Momin

_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Stefanie Warner-Grise,
50,
New Canaan,
Connecticut

Connecticut woman charged with DUI 
was drunk on vanilla extract

A Connecticut woman charged with driving under the influence was
drunk on vanilla extract, which contains a significant amount of
alcohol, police said.

Hearst Connecticut Media reports that New Canaan police found 50-
year-old Stefanie Warner-Grise sitting in a car at an
intersection with her eyes closed at about 4:45 p.m. Wednesday.

Officers say they found several bottles of pure vanilla extract
inside her vehicle.

They say they detected an odor of vanilla on her breath, her
speech was slurred and she was unable to answer basic questions.

Police say she was arrested after failing filed sobriety tests.

Warner-Grise was released on a promise to appear in court. No
lawyer was listed for her in online court records.





From: Elvira
Re: Scratchy sound from notebook

Dear DearWebby,
Music on my notebook sounds really scratchy. I tried WinAmp 
and other programs with graphic equalizers, but nothing helps.
Do you have any advice?
Elvira

Dear Ann
Dear Elvira
You can't expect the lower harmonics from those shirt button 
size squeakers. If you want decent music, you have two 
choices: get yourself some good earphones, 
or a cable from the speaker output on the notebook to your home
stereo or a portable boom box. 

Spring cleaning season and garage sales will start soon. You
should be able to find a boom box with big speakers for a bargain
price. Amplified by the boom box and projected from big speakers,
even the tinniest notebook will sound fantastic.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


There was once a young man who, in his youth,
professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said,

"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read,
stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional
level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl
in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.




If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a
pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one
child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to
the older child. It went like this:

"Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so
much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But
think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day
and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home
another wife.'"

One of the women spoke up immediately. "! Does she cook???"

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Friends of the Library Books Sales 
A great way to support your local library and find good deals 
on books is to go to library book sales. Most libraries have 
them multiple times each year and the prices are very 
reasonable. Plus, the money goes back into the library to 
support buying new books or community resources. 

Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________





Colossal snowshoe art that only lasts for a little while.

___________________________________________________

A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven
or hell. She decided to check out each place first. As the
writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon
row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming
sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped
with thorny lashes.

"Oh my," said the writer. "Let me see heaven now."

A few moments later, as she ascended into heaven, she
saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming
sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with
thorny lashes.

"Wait a minute!," said the writer, "This is just as bad
as hell."

"Oh no, it's not," replied an unseen voice. "Here, your
work gets published."

___________________________________________________

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Las Vegas.
She's down to her last $50.  Exasperated, she exclaims, 
"What rotten luck!  What in 

A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, 
"I don't know...  Why don't you play your age?"

He walks away.  Moments later, his attention is grabbed by 
a great commotion at the roulette table.  Maybe, she won!  
He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the 
crowd.  The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table 
operator kneeling over her.

The man is stunned.  He asks, "What happened?  Is she all right?"

The operator replies, "I don't know.  She put all her money on
29.
When 36 came up, she just fainted!"

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


If GH   stands for P as in Hiccough
If OUGH stands for O as in Dough
If PHTH stands for T as in Phthisis
If EIGH stands for A as in Neighbour
If TTE  stands for T as in Gazette
If EAU  stands for O as in Plateau

Then the  right way to spell POTATO should be: 
GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU


If GH   stands for F  as in Rough
If O    stands for I  as in Women
If TION stands for SH as in Solution

Then the right way to spell FISH should be GHOTION

___________________________________________________



Today January 28 in
1521 The Diet of Worms began, at which Protestant reformer Luther
was declared an outlaw by the Roman Catholic church. 

1547 England's King Henry VIII died. He was succeeded by his 9
year-old son, Edward VI. 

1788 The first British penal settlement was founded at Botany
Bay. 

1807 London's Pall Mall became the first street lit by gaslight. 

1871 France surrendered in the Franco-Prussian War. 

1878 The first telephone switchboard was installed in New Haven,
CT. 

1878 "The Yale News" was published for the first time. It was the
first, daily, collegiate newspaper in the U.S. 

1902 The Carnegie Institution was established in Washington, DC.
It began with a gift of $10 million from Andrew Carnegie. 

1909 The United States ended direct control over Cuba. 

1915 The Coast Guard was created by an act of the U.S. Congress
to fight contraband trade and aid distressed vessels at sea. 

1916 Louis D. Brandeis was appointed by President Wilson to the
U.S. Supreme Court, becoming its first Jewish member. 

1918 The Bolsheviks occupied Helsinki, Finland. 

1922 The National Football League (NFL) franchise in Decatur, IL,
transferred to Chicago. The team took the name Chicago Bears. 

1935 Iceland became the first country to introduce legalized
abortion. 

1945 During World War II, Allied supplies began reaching China
over the newly reopened Burma Road. 

1957 The Brooklyn Dodgers announced that circus clown Emmett
Kelly had been hired to entertain fans at baseball games. 

1958 Construction began on first private thorium-uranium nuclear
reactor. 

1965 General Motors reported the biggest profit of any U.S.
company in history. 

1980 Six Americans who had fled the U.S. embassy in Tehran, Iran,
on November 4, 1979, left Iran using false Canadian diplomatic
passports. The Americans had been hidden at the Canadian embassy
in Tehran. 

1982 Italian anti-terrorism forces rescued U.S. Brigadier General
James L. Dozier. 42 days before he had been kidnapped by the Red
Brigades. 

1986 The U.S. space shuttle Challenger exploded just after
takeoff. All seven of its crewmembers were killed. 

1994 In Los Angeles, Superior Court Judge Stanley Weisberg
declared a mistrial in the case of Lyle Menendez in the murder of
his parents. Lyle, and his brother Erik, were both retried later
and were found guilty. They were sentenced to life in prison
without parole. 

1998 In Manilla, Philippines, gunmen held at least 400 children
and teachers for several hours at an elementary school. 

1999 Ford Motor Company announced the purchase of Sweden's Volvo
AB for $6.45 billion. They later sold it to China.

2002 Toys R Us Inc. announced that it would be closing 27 Toys R
Us stores and 37 Kids R Us stores in order to cut costs and boost
operating profits.

2019  smiled.





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Slow first link 
Sunday, January 27, 2019, 08:02 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, January 27

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Fighting deputies over ticket results
in arrests and jail

______________________________________________________
Today, January 27 in
1998 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton appeared on NBC's
"Today" show. She charged that the allegations against her
husband were the work of a "vast right-wing conspiracy." 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace.
--- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

Excellence is not an act, it is a habit.
--- Aristotle
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

On the night of their wedding, a young couple finally retired 
to their hotel room. After making her preparations, the bride 
came out of the bathroom to find the bridegroom on his 
knees in front of the bed.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm praying for guidance," answered the young man.

"I'll take care of that," she replied. "You pray for endurance."

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

GROAN ALERT!
I was in a church meeting where the topic was "Burial or 
Cremation?"
Two of the people got rather worked up. One said to the other, 
"If you have yourself cremated, all you will be doing is making 
an ash of yourself!" 


The other replied, "Well, I'm told that petroleum comes from
fossilized bones. So if you have yourself buried all you will 
be doing is making a fuel of yourself!"

______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Francheska Turull, 37,
Jessie Hernandez, 39,
Duewayne Dixon,26,
West Park, Fort Lauderdale,
Florida

Fighting deputies over ticket results
in arrests and jail

Three family members who were arrested after a scuffle with
Broward Sheriff’s Office deputies, sparked by a traffic stop of
an all-terrain vehicle rider in West Park, appeared in bond court
to face some serious charges.

Twenty-six-year-old Duewayne Dixon faced Broward Circuit Judge
Joseph A. Murphy III, Monday. He was joined in bond court by his
sister, 37-year-old Francheska Turull, and her husband, 39-year-
old Jessie Hernandez.

According to officials, it all started when deputies pulled over
Dixon along the 3100 block of Southwest 40th Avenue after he was
spotted riding his ATV illegally, Sunday afternoon.

Investigators said they were just going to give Dixon a citation.
Then things got out of hand.

At around 3:20 p.m., Hernandez and Turull arrived at the scene
and engaged in a verbal altercation with deputies.

Neighbors said the couple are Dixon’s sister and her husband.

Cellphone video captured the escalating chain of events, as the
argument gave way to physical violence.

Before the tense takedown, deputies told the couple this was just
going to be a citation for the rider.

“It’s not a big deal. He’s going to get a ticket, bike’s going to
be towed, and he will be able to come back,” said a deputy.

But shortly after, the deputy is seen telling Hernandez to back
up behind a sidewalk line several times.

“I’m telling you, do not come any closer,” a deputy is heard
telling Hernandez, who is himself recording the confrontation on
his smartphone.

“On the sidewalk? Which one? I want to know which line on the
sidewalk I can’t cross,” said Hernandez as he walked closer to
the deputy.

“This line right here. If you cross it, you’re going to jail,”
said the deputy as he pointed to a line.

“This one right here?” said Hernandez as he touched the line with
his right foot.

The deputy is then seen grabbing Hernandez, who tries to wrestle
free, causing the deputy to trip. Two other deputies then grabbed
the suspect.

Turull is then seen coming into the frame and tussling with the
deputy who had fallen down. Moments later, the deputy is seen
striking her.

“Why are you punching her?” a woman is heard yelling off screen
at least three times.

The deputy is seen in the footage hitting Turull repeatedly, even
after she fell.

The same deputy is then seen placing her under arrest, as three
deputies are seen holding down Hernandez.

Meanwhile, Dixon is seen calmly sitting in handcuffs next to his
vehicle, several feet away from his brother-in-law.

Witnesses said what started as a traffic stop spiraled out of
control.

“They shouldn’t have gone to jail. For what reason?” said an area
resident. “Because they were coming down here to see what was
going on with their family member, and that escalated to a whole
different thing. Now, three people went to jail for no reason.”

Hernandez and Turull were charged with battery on a law
enforcement officer and resisting an officer with violence.
Turull is facing an additional charge of assault on a law
enforcement officer. 
Dixon was charged with resisting an officer with violence and
illegally operating an off-road vehicle.

The arrests went down as hundreds of riders continued to take
over South Florida roadways as part of the annual “Wheels Up,
Guns Down” protest. Authorities indicated last week that they
would crack down on these holiday weekend activities, stressing
that those riding off-road vehicles on public roads risk arrest
and having their vehicles confiscated.

According to the arrest report, the deputy seen hitting Turull
admitted to striking her but only after he said she struck him
first several times while he was trying to take her into custody.

Turull, Hernandez and Dixon were being held at the Broward County
Jail on a $1,000 bond. They bonded out Monday night.





From: Ann
Re: Slow first link

Dear DearWebby,
I need to pick your awesome brain again....When I click on a link
- 
such as the breast cancer or cup of food sites on your ezine the 
initial click takes about 2 mins to connect to the site..
then the others are easy- this happens on any site not just
yours....
any idea what's going on and how I can fix it ????? 
Haven't a clue or even where to look for this one.  
Thanks and thanks as always...
Ann

Dear Ann
That is just Telus, your ISP,  turning down your speed when 
you are not busy browsing. The first link you go to is slow, 
after that they crank your speed up closer to what you are 
paying for,

Yelling at them does no good, they just have a bunch of lame 
excuses, and do it anyway. They even do it with expensive 
business accounts.

Not all, but many ISPs do that nowadays.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

After many years, Cinderella finally reached the ripe age of 95
years old.

After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she now happily
sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her
front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship. One sunny
afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.

Cinderella says, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after
all these years"?

The fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived an
exemplary life since I last saw you. I'm prepared to grant you
three wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still
yearns?" Cinderella was taken back, overjoyed, and after some
thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish:

"The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I'm
living hand to mouth on my disability checks, and I wish I were
wealthy beyond comprehension. Instantly her rocking chair turned
into solid gold. Cinderella said, "Ooh, thank you, Fairy
Godmother"

"It is the least that I can do," replies her Fairy Godmother.
"What do you want for your second wish?"

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish I
were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had."

At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage
returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been
dormant for years.

And then the fairy godmother spoke once more: "You have one more
wish; what shall it be?"

Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and
says, "I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind
and handsome young man."

Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his
biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man
so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever
seen.

"Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life!" And with a
blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the Fairy Godmother was
gone as suddenly as she appeared.

For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each
other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most
beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.

Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her
rocking chair, and held her close in his young muscular arms.

He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath
as he whispered...

"Bet you're sorry you neutered me."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Thanks to Tina for this classic:
Always wear clean underwear in public, 
especially when working under your vehicle. 

>From the Daily News comes this story of a Walsall couple who 

drove their car to Asda, only to have their car break down in the

car park. The husband told his wife to carry on with the shopping

while he fixed the car. 

The wife returned 
later to see a small group of people near the car. 

On closer inspection, she saw a pair of hairy legs protruding
from under the chassis. 
Unfortunately, although the man was in shorts, his lack of
underpants turned his private parts into glaringly public ones. 

Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward,
quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back
into place. 

On regaining her feet, she looked across the bonnet and found
herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. 

The RAC mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his
forehead. 

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Get an Estimate for Car Repairs 

A man went to his lawyer and stated, "I would
like to make a will but I don't know exactly how
to go about it."

The lawyer said, "No problem, leave it all to me."

The man looked somewhat upset as he said,

"Well, I knew you were going to take a big slice, 
but I'd like to leave a little to my children, too!"



Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________





Enjoy a wee day out in Scotland.

___________________________________________________

There's a little boy at school and asks the teacher
if he can go to the washroom.
"Okay" says the teacher. "But first you've got to
say the alphabet."

They boy says the alphabet:
"a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, q, r, s, t, u, v,
w, x, y, z."

"What happened to the 'p'?" asked the teacher.
"It's leaking out of my boots now."

___________________________________________________

Jim: "How did you get that bruise on your arm?"

Joe: "I ate some Easter candy."

Jim: "Eating Easter candy won't give you a bruise."

Joe: "It will if it's your sister's candy!"

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


A stingy old man who has been diagnosed with a terminal illness
is determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can't take it with
you."

After much thought and consideration, the old miser finally
decides how to take at least some of his money with him when he
goes. He instructs his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough
money to fill two pillowcases.

Then he tells her to take the bags of money to the attic and
leave them directly above his bed. He tells her that when he
goes, he'll just reach out and grab the bags on his way to
Heaven.

Several weeks after the funeral, the widow is up in the attic
cleaning and comes upon the two forgotten pillowcases stuffed
with cash.

"Oh, that old fool," she exclaims. "I knew he should have had me
put the money in the basement."

___________________________________________________



Today January 27 in
1606 The trial of Guy Fawkes and his fellow conspirators began.
They were executed on January 31. 

1880 Thomas Edison patented the electric incandescent lamp. 

1888 The National Geographic Society was founded in Washington,
DC. 

1900 In China, foreign diplomats in Peking, fearing a revolt,
demanded that the imperial government discipline the Boxer
rebels. 

1926 John Baird, a Scottish inventor, demonstrated a pictorial
transmission machine called television. 

1943 During World War II, the first all American air raid against
Germany took place when about 50 bombers attacked Wilhlemshaven. 

1944 The Soviet Union announced that the two year German siege of
Leningrad had come to an end. 

1945 Soviet troops liberated the Nazi concentration camps
Auschwitz and Birkenau in Poland. 

1948 Wire Recording Corporation of America announced the first
magnetic tape recorder. The ‘Wireway’ machine with a built-in
oscillator sold for $149.50. 

1951 In the U.S., atomic testing in the Nevada desert began as an
Air Force plane dropped a one-kiloton bomb on Frenchman Flats. 

1967 At Cape Kennedy, FL, astronauts Virgil I. "Gus" Grissom,
Edward H. White and Roger B. Chaffee died in a flash fire during
a test aboard their Apollo I spacecraft. Oxygen enriched
atmosphere makes every combustibe item a fire hazad.

1967 More than 60 nations signed the Outer Space Treaty which
banned the orbiting of nuclear weapons and placing weapons on
celestial bodies or space stations. 

1973 The Vietnam peace accords were signed in Paris. 

1977 The Vatican reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's ban on
female priests. 

1981 U.S. President Reagan greeted the 52 former American
hostages released by Iran at the White House. 

1984 Wayne Gretzky set a National Hockey League (NHL) record for
consecutive game scoring. He ended the streak at 51 games. 

1985 The Coca-Cola Company, of Atlanta, GA, announced a plan to
sell its soft drinks in the Soviet Union. 

1992 Former world boxing champion Mike Tyson went on trial for
allegedly raping an 18-year-old contestant in the 1991 Miss Black
America Contest. 

1996 Mahamane Ousmane, the first democratically elected president
of Niger, was overthrown by a military coup. Colonel Ibrahim Bare
Mainassara declared himself head of state. 

1997 It was revealed that French national museums were holding
nearly 2,000 works of art stolen from Jews by the Nazis during
World War II. 

1998 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton appeared on NBC's
"Today" show. She charged that the allegations against her
husband were the work of a "vast right-wing conspiracy." 

1999 The U.S. Senate blocked dismissal of the impeachment case
against President Clinton and voted for new testimony from Monica
Lewinsky and two other witnesses. 

2002 A series of explosions occurred at a military dump in Lagos,
Nigeria. More than 1,000 people were killed in the blast and in
the attempt to escape. 

2003 Altria Group, Inc. became the name of the parent company of
Kraft Foods, Philip Morris USA, Philip Morris International and
Philip Morris Capital Corporation. 

2010 Steve Jobs unveiled the Apple iPad.

2019  smiled.






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Partial Mails 
Saturday, January 26, 2019, 07:45 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, January 26

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Crack and BJ in intersection

______________________________________________________
Today, January 26 in
1994 In Sydney, Australia, a young man lunged at and fired two
blank shots at Britain's Prince Charles. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the
belief that one's work is terribly important.
--- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his
priest,
"I almost had an affair with another woman."

The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"

The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together,
but then I stopped."

The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in.
You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five
Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then
walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then
started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over
to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor
box!"

The Irishman replied, "aye Father, but I rubbed the $50 on the
box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

>From Grant
I love the outdoors, and because of my passion for hunting   
and fishing, my family eats a considerable amount of wild   
game.   

I guess they eat so much, in fact, that one evening as I   
set a platter of broiled venison steaks on the dinner table,   
my ten-year-old daughter looked up and said,   

"Boy, it sure would be nice in pizzas lived in the woods."   

______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Freedom Ryder Zobrist, 
38, 
Escambia,
Florida

Florida woman busted for dancing naked 
outside waffle house, licking man's face

A half-naked Florida Woman was arrested early Monday after she
pulled down her pants and began dancing around in the parking lot
of a Waffle House in  Pensacola.  

Before her performance ended, cops report, Freedom Ryder Zobrist,
38, sought to grab the genitals of a restaurant manager before
licking the man on both sides of his face.

When Zobrist was first asked to leave the Waffle House property,
she became verbally abusive and allegedly threatened to “retrieve
a firearm” and shoot workers and restaurant patrons.

Pictured above, Zobrist declined to answer police questions. Cops
reported that witnesses told them Zobrist had “pulled down her
pants exposing her sexual organs and started dancing around the
parking lot.”

Zobrist was charged with multiple crimes, including assault and
lewd and indecent exposure. She is being held in the Escambia
County jail in lieu of $800 bond.

Upon Zobrist’s release from custody, a judge has ordered her to
stay away from Waffle House and barred her from using alcohol and
unprescribed drugs.





From: Duane
Re: Partial mails

Dear DearWebby,
I am not getting the body of the articles. I am only getting 
what you see below. I was getting everything and then all 
of a sudden this happens. Do you have any suggestions??
 Thanks,
 Duane

Dear Duane
Your subject line was:
Subject: Re: {Spam?} Re: {Spam?} {Disarmed} Humor: 

That makes it very clear that the problem is your mis-configured 
spam control. 
Try using a better spam control, like for example 
MailWasher.
I have used it since it was in Beta testing in the mid 90's,and
it has never screwed up like that.

Since I use the same email addresses since the early 90's, my
addresses are on every single spammer's CD and get an awful lot
of spam. I don't care. MailWasher nukes it all on the server,
does not even list it. It recognizes spam and quietly lets it fly
down to hell. 

It is really easy to make filters, both good and bad filters to
protect good mail, no matter what is in it, and to nuke bad mail.
Making filters actually becomes a fun game to outsmart the
spammers. And with MailWasher, you always win.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


As the plane was flying low over some hills near Athens, a   
lady asked the stewardess: "What's that stuff all over those   
hills?"   

"Just snow," replied the stewardess.   

"That's what I thought," said the lady, "but this fellow in   
front of me said it was Greece."   



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Thanks to Wendy for these:
Insane Animal Laws 

In Kingsville, Texas, there is a law against two pigs having sex
on the city's airport property. 

It is illegal for hens to lay eggs before 8 a.m. and after 4 p.m.

in Norfolk, Virginia. 

Ducks quacking after 10 p.m. in Essex Falls, New Jersey, 
are breaking the law. 

In Quitman, Georgia, it is against the law for a chicken to cross

any road within the city limits. 

In McDonald, Ohio, farmers cannot march a goose down a 
city street. And fowl, particularly roosters, are prohibited from

going into bakeries in Massachusetts. 


In Kansas, it is illegal for chicken thieves to work during 
daylight hours. 


In New York, frogs may be taken from their ponds from June 
16 to September 30, but only between sunrise and sunset. 

In Pennsylvania, no one is allowed to shoot bullfrogs on a 
Sunday. 

In Arizona, the bullfrog-hunting season is permanently closed. 

In Vermont, you can be fined if your pig runs in a public park 
without the permission of a selectman. 

French Lick Springs, Indiana, once passed a law requiring all 
black cats to wear bells on Friday the 13th. 

Madison, Wisconsin, will not allow joint custody of a family pet 
when a couple divorces -- the animal is legally awarded to 
whoever happens to have possession of it at the time of the 
initial separation. 

Dogs in Foxpoint, Wisconsin, may not bark profusely, snarl 
or make any menacing gestures. 

In Texas, it's illegal to put graffiti on someone else's cow. 

It is illegal to ride a mule down Lang, Kansas' Main Street in 
August, unless the animal is wearing a straw hat. 

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Get an Estimate for Car Repairs 
Always get an estimate in writing before having repair work 
done on your car. Once the repairs are done, only pay for 
the repairs that you authorized. Pay with a credit card so 
you can reverse the charge if there is a problem with the 
work that the repair shop won't remedy. 

Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________





My distant cousin Johnny Cash.

___________________________________________________

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:  
1. He called everyone brother,  
2. He liked Gospel, 
3. He didn't get a fair trial.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was
Jewish: 
1. He went into His father's business,  
2. He lived at home until he was 33,  
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He
was God.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was
Italian:  
1. He talked with His hands,  
2. He had wine with His meals,  
3. He used olive oil.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a
Californian:  
1. He never cut His hair,  
2. He walked around barefoot all the time, 
3. He started a new religion.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an
American Indian:  
1. He was at peace with nature,  
2. He ate a lot of fish,  
3. He talked about the Great Spirit.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was
Irish:  1. He never got married,   
2. He was always telling stories,  
3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was
a woman:  
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually
no food,  
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men
who just didn't get it,  
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was
still work to do! 

___________________________________________________

Mary was married to a male chauvinist.  They both worked full
time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly
not any housework. 
That, he declared, was woman's work.

But one evening Mary arrived home from work to find the children
bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the
dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete
with flowers.

She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was
going on. It turned out that Charley, her husband, had read an
on-line article that suggested working wives would be more
romantically inclined if they weren't so tired from having to do
all the housework in addition to holding down a full-time job.

The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her friends in the
office. "How did it work out?" they asked.

"Well, it was a great dinner," Mary said.  "Charley even cleaned
up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry and
put everything away."

"But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know.

"It didn't work out," Mary said.  "Charley was too tired!"

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


Anni stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I
have a complaint!"

"Yes, ma'am?"

"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"

"What was wrong with it?"

"It had way too many characters and there was no plot 
whatsoever!"

The librarian nodded and said, "Ahh. So you must be the 
person who took our phone book."

___________________________________________________



Today January 26 in
1500 Vicente Yáñez Pinzón discovered Brazil. 

1736 Stanislaus I formally abdicated as King of Poland. 

1784 In a letter to his daughter, Benjamin Franklin expressed
unhappiness over the eagle as the symbol of America. He wanted
the symbol to be the turkey. 

1788 The first European settlers in Australia, led by Captain
Arthur Phillip, landed in what became known as Sydney. The group
had first settled at Botany Bay eight days before. This day is
celebrated as Australia Day. 

1827 Peru seceded from Colombia in protest against Simón
Bolívar's alleged tyranny. 

1841 Britain formally occupied Hong Kong, which the Chinese had
ceded to the British. 

1875 George F. Green patented the electric dental drill for
sawing, filing, dressing and polishing teeth. 

1905 The Cullinan diamond, at 3,106.75 carats, was found by
Captain Wells at the Premier Mine, near Pretoria, South Africa. 

1911 Inventor Glenn H. Curtiss flew the first successful
seaplane. 

1939 In the Spanish Civil War, Franco's forces, with Italian aid,
took Barcelona. 

1942 The first American expeditionary force to go to Europe
during World War II went ashore in Northern Ireland. 

1950 India officially proclaimed itself a republic as Rajendra
Prasad took the oath of office as president. 

1950 The American Associated Insurance Companies, of St. Louis,
MO, issued the first baby sitter’s insurance policy. 

1959 "Alcoa Presents" debuted on ABC-TV. The show would later be
renamed "One Step Beyond". 

1961 U.S. President John F. Kennedy appointed Dr. Janet G.
Travell as the first woman to be the "personal physician to the
President". 

1962 The U.S. launched Ranger 3 to land scientific instruments on
the moon. The probe missed its target by about 22,000 miles. 

1965 Hindi was made the official language of India. 

1969 California was declared a disaster area after two days of
flooding and mudslides. 

1972 In Hermsdorf, Czechoslovakia, a JAT Yugoslav Airlines flight
crashed after the detonation of a bomb in the forward cargo hold
killing 27 people. The bomb was believed to have been placed on
the plane by a Croatian extremist group. Vesna Vulovic, a
stewardess, survived after falling 33,000 feet in the tail
section. She broke both legs and became paralyzed from the waist
down. 

1979 The ‘Gizmo’ guitar synthesizer was first demonstrated. 

1992 Russian president Boris Yeltsin announced that his country
would stop targeting U.S. cities with nuclear weapons. 

1993 Former Czechoslovak President Vaclav Havel was elected
president of the new Czech Republic. 

1994 In Sydney, Australia, a young man lunged at and fired two
blank shots at Britain's Prince Charles. 

1996 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton testified before a
grand jury concerning the Whitewater probe. 

1998 U.S. President Clinton denied having an affair with a former
White House intern, saying "I did not have sexual relations with
that woman, Miss Lewinsky." 

1999 Saddam Hussein vowed revenge against the U.S. in response to
air-strikes that reportedly killed civilians. The strikes were
U.S. planes defending themselves against anti-aircraft fire. 

2009 The Icelandic government and banking system collapsed. Prime
Minister Geir Haarde resigned. 

2010 It was announced that James Cameron's movie "Avatar" had
become the highest-grossing film worldwide. 

2019  smiled.






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Microscope extension tube for digital camera 
Friday, January 25, 2019, 10:09 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, January 25
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Today's Bonehead Award: 
Crack and BJ in intersection

______________________________________________________
Today, January 25 in
1533 England's King Henry VIII secretly married his second 
wife Anne Boleyn. Boleyn later gave birth to Elizabeth I. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



If nobody spoke unless he had something to say, the human race
would very soon lose the use of speech.
--- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)

I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to 
all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would

be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious 
experience.
--- Shelley Winters
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Sr Anna for this story:
Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what..... 

A  little boy and a little girl attended the same school 
and became friends. Every day they would sit  together 
to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both 
brought chicken  sandwiches every day!  This went 
on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day 
he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.
He said, 'Hey, how come you're not eating  chicken, 
don't you like it anymore?' 
She said 'I love it but I have to stop eating  it' 

'Why?' he  asked. 
She  pointed to her lap and said 'Cause I'm starting to 
grow little feathers  down there!' 
'Let me see' he said.
'Okay' and she pulled up her  skirt. 
He looked and said, 'That's right. You are!   Better  
not eat any more chicken.' 

He kept eating his chicken  sandwiches until one day 
he brought peanut butter.  He said yo the little gir l, 
'I  have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting 
to get feathers down there too!'  

She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his 
pants for her.

She said   
'Oh,  my God,  it's too late for you! You've already got the 
NECK and GIBBLETS!!!'   

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and an
advertisement on the net were the main reasons for the long
line that formed in front of the store by 8:30, the store's
opening time.

A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be
pushed back amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second
attempt, he was punched square in the jaw and knocked around a
bit, then thrown to the end of the line again. 

As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of
the line:
"That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the
store!"

______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Michael Douville, 
51,
Manchester,
New Hampshire

Crack and BJ in intersection

-While stopped at a red light Tuesday afternoon, a New Hampshire
motorist was living his best life, smoking crack cocaine and
being fellated by a  woman in the passenger seat, police report.

Manchester Police Department detectives spotted Michael Douville,
51, behind the wheel of a Chrysler 300 stopped at an
intersection. Douville, a Nashua resident, was engaged
in...illegal acts  at the time, cops allege.

When two detectives approached the vehicle and identified
themselves, Douville sped off. He was subsequently apprehended by
a third cop. His passenger, however,  fled the area and was not
located,  investigators say.

Seen above, Douville was arrested on several charges, including
lewdness, narcotics possession, and disobeying a police officer. 






From: Bezon
Re: Tube for Microscope

Dear DearWebby,
You mentioned the need for a tube between microscope and camera,
but did not tell us how long that has to be.
Bezon

Dear Bezon
Just hold the camera so that it looks into the microscope.
Move it up and down until you see a clean picture on the camera.
That distance is probably from 3/4 inch to 2 inches, depending on
your microscope.

Ideal is of course a camera, that lets you connect to the
computer and view on the monitor what the picture looks like.

You don't have to be perfect with the extension tube since you
can raise or lower the ocular (eye piece) with the fine
adjustment on the microscope.

Once you get a clear picture of a sugar crystal, try it with a
small drop of blood, like you get when poking your finger for a
diabetic lucose test. The picture you will see on the monitor
will probably freak you out. It looks like some aliencreatures
having a space war. Yep, that's what is  going on in your blood!

If you see that, then you got the tube exactly right.

You might also want to make a cradle with coat hanger wire, so
that you can just lay the camera into the cradle and it is
looking straight into the ocular.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She 
charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty 
and fined.

After the sentencing he asked the judge, "This means that I 
cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?"  
The judge said that was true.

"Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked.

The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson 
with no fear of legal action.

The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, 
"Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




A woman, searching for a job, inquired about the benefits.   
The Personnel Manager informed her they had group health   
and life insurance, but the costs were deducted from the   
employee's pay.   

She said, "My last employer had full health coverage, as   
well as five years salary for life insurance and a month's   
sick leave AND they paid the full premiums."   

"I can't help but asking madam why you would leave a job   
with such benefits," the interviewer replied.   

The woman shrugged her shoulders and said, "The company went   
bankrupt."   

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Warning About Storing Garlic Cloves In
Oil 
Botulism can develop when garlic is stored oil, especially 
if it is stored at room temperature. The garlic and oil 
should be used immediately or stored in the refrigerator 
for no more than a week.

Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________





The shirk report for the weekend.

___________________________________________________

When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see   
the head of human resources. "Since I've been with the firm   
for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter   
of recommendation."   

The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the   
letter that next day. The following morning, Peters found   
the letter on his desk. It read, "Jonathan Peters worked for   
our company for eleven years. When he left us, we were very   
satisfied."   

___________________________________________________

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first
man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
 
The man said, "I do, Father."
 
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
 
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to 
heaven?"
 
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
 
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
 
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you 
want to go to heaven?"
 
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
 
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that 
when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
 
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting 
a group together to go right now."

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


Paddy was in New York .
 
He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy 
street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted,

"Okay, pedestrians." Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.
 
He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the
sidewalk.
 
After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians!" for the tenth time,
Paddy 
went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the 
Catholics across?"

___________________________________________________



Today January 25 in
1504 The English Parliament passed statutes against retainers and
liveries to curb private warfare. 

1533 England's King Henry VIII secretly married his second wife
Anne Boleyn. Boleyn later gave birth to Elizabeth I. 

1579 The Treaty of Utrecht was signed marking the beginning of
the Dutch Republic. 

1799 Eliakim Spooner patented the seeding machine. 

1858 Mendelssohn's "Wedding March" was presented for the first
time at the wedding of the daughter of Queen Victoria and the
Crown Prince of Prussia. 

1870 G.D. Dows patented the ornamental soda fountain. 

1881 Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell and others signed an
agreement to organize the Oriental Telephone Company. 

1890 The United Mine Workers of America was founded. 

1915 In New York, Alexander Graham Bell spoke to his assistant in
San Francisco, inaugurating the first transcontinental telephone
service. 

1924 The 1st Winter Olympic Games were inaugurated in Chamonix in
the French Alps. 

1946 The United Mine Workers rejoined the American Federation of
Labor. 

1959 In the U.S., American Airlines had the first scheduled
transcontinental flight of a Boeing 707. 

1961 John F. Kennedy presented the first live presidential news
conference from Washington, DC. The event was carried on radio
and television. 

1964 Nike was founded. The company was originally named Blue
Ribbon Sports. 

1971 Maj. Gen. Idi Amin led a coup that deposed Milton Obote and
became president of Uganda. 

1999 In Louisville, KY, a man received the first hand transplant
in the United States. 

2011 A revolution began in Egypt with the demonstrations that
demanded the end of President Hosni Mubarak's rule. 

2019  smiled.






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From Microscope to camera 
Thursday, January 24, 2019, 09:53 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, January 24

No Gullible Warming at Niagara Falls!
Niagara Falls frozen


Today's Bonehead Award: 
Florida man went to beat, pepper-sprayed 
his mother ‘because she is a narcissist'

______________________________________________________
Today, January 24 in
1980 The United States announced intentions to sell
arms to China. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look 
which becomes a habit. 
--- Peter Ustinov

Love doesn't make the world go 'round. 
Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. 
--­ Franklin P. Jones
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

>From Lillemor
KFC UPDATE !
Remember when Playboy magazine reportedly offered Sarah Palin
$4,000,000 to pose in an upcoming issue?

Then Michelle Obama was offered $50 by National Geographic?

And when KFC offered a "Hillary" meal, consisting of two small
breasts and two large thighs?

Now KFC has a new offer, the "Nancy Pelosi Special," It consists
of nothing but left wings and chicken sh**.
Just keeping you up to date.

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

>From Ed
My wife cannot ride in a car without telling whoever is   
driving what to do, when to do it, etc. She is, bar none,   
the worst back seat driver in the world. I have long   
thought this, though she would deny it. She claimed she   
seldom, if ever made comments about my driving. I, of   
course, claimed the opposite. Now I have proof.   

The other day we were headed for the mall and my daughter   
piped up, "Daddy, before you married Mommy, who told you   
how to drive?"   

______________________________________________________



Hoggar National Park, Assekrem, Tamanrasset, Algeria. 
Photo by AMRI MOHAMMED
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Robert Eddington,
24,
Volusia County,
Florida

Florida man went to beat, pepper-sprayed 
his mother ‘because she is a narcissist'

A 24-year-old Florida man told police that he beat his mom,
pepper-sprayed her and tried to zip tie her hands “because she
was a narcissist.”

Robert Eddington’s mother said that when she invited him over for
lunch on Monday he showed up to her home in Volusia County with a
knife, pepper spray and a zip tie.

Police said Eddington then attacked his mother, leaving her
seriously injured. During the attack, Eddington allegedly punched
her in the head, slammed her head into a window and pepper-
sprayed her in the face.

Pictures of the victim show her eyes swollen shut, missing teeth
and a head injury.

Eddington told police it was “because she needed to be roughed up
enough for the police to be called.”

Eddington’s mother said her son is bipolar and has not been
taking his medicine.

A judge on Tuesday ordered Eddington held without bond until
further notice.





From: Brant
Re: Camera to Microscope

Dear DearWebby,
I want to connect a camera to a microscope. What do I need
to know and watch out for ?
Thanks
Brant

Dear Brant
First you have to realize that you got a HUGE amount of 
magnification between the tiny ocular (the lens closest to the 
eye) and the monitor. Don't go for an expensive microscope
with a very high magnification number. Go for one with a 
wider field of view.

The second thing to watch out for is lighting. 
Sure, electronic cameras go very far into the dark infrared,
but picture quality deteriorates. Usualy, the more light you 
have, the better picture you get. Chose a microscope that
allows both through-light and reflected light or a combination 
of the two. Generally, the more room you have to adapt and 
improvise with the lighting, the better.

And finally, you need an adapter tube between the microscope
and the camera. Hold the camera by hand and find the ideal
distance. 

Cut some black plastic pipe to that length with a pipe cutter.
Do NOT use a hacksaw!  Dull the pipe inside and out with very 
fine sandpaper, then clean it thoroughly with a damp or wet rag. 

Clean the lenses perfectly clean with damp lenscloth. Do a
VERY good job on that, because it is the last time you will
ever have to do that.

Assemble the microscope, tube and camera and hold them 
together with a rubber band. 
Test it.
If everyting works OK, use some hotmelt glue or silicone to
permanently attach the tube to the microscope and the camera.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck 
with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a 
female pedestrian. 

She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention. 
She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the 
truck's path, and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the curb 
and stopped. 

I rushed to the woman's side to see if she was all right. 
"I'm fine," she assured me, "but I hate to think what could 
have happened to me if that dog hadn't honked." 



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Leroy goes to the revival and listens to the preacher. After 
awhile, the preacher asks anyone with needs to be prayed 
over to come forward to the front of the altar. Leroy gets in 
line and when it's his turn, the preacher asks, 
"Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?" 

Leroy replies, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."

The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear and he places 
the other hand on top of Leroy's head and prays and prays 
and prays. After a few minutes, the preacher removes his 
hands, stands back and asks, "Leroy, how is your hearing 
now?" 

"Leroy says, "I don't know, Reverend. It's not until next 
Wednesday." 

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Programmable Thermostat 
Program your thermostat to keep your home to a lower or higher 
(for air conditioning) temperature when you are not home or 
sleeping. If your home doesn't have a thermostat with these 
capabilities, buy one for less than $50 at your local hardware 
store and they are relatively easy to install. 

Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________





Lovely murals.

___________________________________________________

A Priest, a Minister and a Rabbi from one city were taking a car
ride to a conference on world religions. On the highway they were
in an accident.

First the Priest steps out, makes the sign of the cross and says,

"Oh, God, thank you for letting us survive."

Then the Minister crosses himself and says, "Thank you dear Lord
for protecting us."

Finally the Rabbi steps out and likewise makes the sign of the
cross. The Priest and Minister look at each other.

Baffled, the Minister says, "We thought you didn't believe in
that."

To which the Rabbi responds, "Ach no, I was just checking 
to make sure I have everything -- spectacles, testicles, 
wallet, and watch!"

___________________________________________________

The insurance agent was questioning the cowboy who had applied
for a policy. "Ever have an accident?" he inquired.

"Nope," was the answer.

"Not even one?" asked the agent incredulously.

"Nope," the cowboy insisted. "Rattler bit me once, though."

"And don't you call that an accident?" exclaimed the amazed
agent.

"Nope; the danged varmint done it a-purpose."

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


The blind farmer was often taken for a walk in the fields by a
kind neighbor.

However kindly the neighbor might have been, he was
undoubtedly a coward. When a bull charged towards them
one day, he abandoned the blind man.

The bull, puzzled by a lack of fear, nudged the farmer in the
back. He turned very quickly, caught the bull by the horns and
threw it to the ground with a bump that left it breathless.

"Aidan," said the neighbor, "I never knew you were so strong."

"Faith, and if I could have got that fella off the handlebars of
the bicycle I'd have thrashed him properly."

___________________________________________________



Today January 24 in
1848 James W. Marshall discovered a gold nugget at Sutter's Mill
in northern California. The discovery led to the gold rush of
'49. 

1899 Humphrey O’Sullivan patented the rubber heel. 

1908 In England, the first Boy Scout troop was organized by
Robert Baden-Powell. 

1916 Conscription was introduced in Britain. 

1922 Christian K. Nelson patented the Eskimo Pie. 

1924 The Russian city of St. Petersburg was renamed Leningrad.
The name has since been changed back to St. Petersburg. 

1930 Primo Carnera made his American boxing debut by knocking out
Big Boy Patterson in one minute, ten seconds of the opening
round. 

1935 Krueger Brewing Company placed the first canned beer on sale
in Richmond, VA. 

1943 U.S. President Roosevelt and British Prime Minister
Churchill concluded a wartime conference in Casablanca, Morocco. 

1952 Vincent Massey was the first Canadian to be appointed
governor-general of Canada. 

1955 The rules committee of major league baseball announced a
plan to strictly enforce the rule that required a pitcher to
release the ball within 20 seconds after taking his position on
the mound. 

1972 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down laws that denied welfare
benefits to people who had resided in a state for less than a
year. 

1978 A nuclear-powered Soviet satellite plunged through Earth's
atmosphere and disintegrated. The radioactive debris was
scattered over parts of Canada's Northwest Territory. 

1980 The United States announced intentions to sell arms to
China. 

1985 Penny Harrington became the first woman police chief of a
major city. She assumed the duties as head of the Portland,
Oregon, force of 940 officers and staff. 

1986 The Voyager 2 space probe flew past Uranus. The probe came
within 50,679 miles of the seventh planet of the solar system. 

1987 In Lebanon, gunmen kidnapped educators Alann Steen, Jesse
Turner, Robert Polhill and Mitheleshwar Singh. They were all
later released. 

1989 Ted Bundy, the confessed serial killer, was put to death in
Florida's electric chair for the 1978 kidnap-murder of 12-year-
old Kimberly Leach. 

1990 Japan launched the first probe to be sent to the Moon since
1976. A small satellite was placed in lunar orbit. 

1995 The prosecution gave its opening statement at the O.J.
Simpson murder trial. 

1996 Polish Premier Jozef Oleksy resigned due to allegations that
he had spied for Moscow. 

2000 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a Missouri law that limited
the contributions that individuals could donate to a candidate
during a single election. 

2001 In Colorado Springs, CO, Patrick Murphy Jr. and Donald
Newbury were taken into custody after a 5-minute phone interview
was granted with a TV station. They were the remaining fugitives
of the "Texas 7." 

2002 The U.S. Congress began a hearing on the collapse of Enron
Corp. 

2002 John Walker Lindh appeared in court for the first time
concerning the charges that he conspired to kill Americans abroad
and aided terrorist groups. Lindh had been taken into custody by
U.S. Marines in Afghanistan. 

2003 The U.S. Department of Homeland Security began operations
under Tom Ridge.

2019  smiled.





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Open Office versus Office Libre 
Wednesday, January 23, 2019, 08:38 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, January 23



Today's Bonehead Award: 
Florida man arrested after baby overdoses 
on heroin and Xanax

______________________________________________________
Today, January 23 in
1950 The Israeli Knesset approved a resolution proclaiming
Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the
end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do.
--- John Ruskin (1819 - 1900) 

"You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if
you could know how seldom they do."
--- Olin Miller

I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. 
I do and I understand. 
--- Confucius 
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he
asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions.  The new priest
hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to
step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest,
and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this.
The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, "I see, yes,
go on, and I understand.  How did you feel about that?'"

The new priest says those things, trying them out. The old
priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than
slapping your knee and saying 'No shit!  What happened
next?' 
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

An employee of the airport found a cell phone in one of the
boarding areas. She switched it on, hoping a caller would
identify the owner. It rang, and she answered it, but there
was no response.  When it rang a second time, another female
employee answered, and the same thing happened.

Moments later, a supervisor came by and picked up the
ringing phone. "This is Bob. May I help you?"

"Bob," the bewildered woman caller finally spoke. "Where is
Bill, and who are those two women he's with?"

______________________________________________________



Franz Josef Land and Eira Lodge, left over from Benjamin Leigh
Smith‘s expedition to what is now the Russian Arctic National
Park
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Christopher Hartley, 
33,
Boynton Beach,
Florida

Florida man arrested after baby overdoses 
on heroin and Xanax

A South Florida man was arrested for child neglect after an 11-
month-old child ingested his heroin and Xanax pills on Tuesday.

Deputies responded to Bethesda Hospital East on Tuesday regarding
an infant who had ingested drugs.

The child's mother said that she and 33-year-old Christopher
Hartley were both drug addicts and were both in recovery for
several years.

She says approximately 6 months ago Hartley relapsed and has been
using various drugs.

On Tuesday, Hartley informed the mother that the child found his
Xanax and heroin pills and ingested them.

Hartley made an attempt to get the child to vomit the pills back
up.

The child's mother says he was lethargic and his breathing was
slowed when she called 911.

Hartley told deputies that he had heroin pills and a half of a
Xanax pill wrapped inside tissue paper.

He saw the child eating the tissue paper and found pills inside
the child's mouth.

Hartley says he put his fingers inside the child's mouth and
removed 4 heroin pills.

The child's condition is unknown.

Hartley's relationship to the child is redacted from the arrest
report.





From: Anna
Re: Libre or Open Office?

Dear DearWebby,
What is better, Office Libre or Open Office?
Anna

Dear Anna
The only difference I can find is that with Open Office you can
install just one component, for example Calc, with no need to
install all the others.
With Libre you get the works, and  can delete not needed parts
later.

If you are installing on a small camera chip, get Open Office. If
you have plenty of room, install Libre Office.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first 
examination.
On the paper there was a single line which simply said:
"Is this a question?" - Discuss.

After a short time he wrote:
"If that is a question, then this is an answer."

The student received an "A" on the exam.

-------------
My philosophy professors did not have any sense of humor, aside
from letting me ad-lib and fake any and all answers.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Little Johnny's dad was a farmer in a poor district of the 
country. One day his Uncle Abner came to visit. Since 
there were limited accommodations, he was required 
to sleep with his young nephew, Little Johnny. 

When Uncle Abner came into the bedroom, he saw Little Johnny 
kneeling at the side of the bed with his head bowed. Thinking 
this was the child's religious upbringing, he decided to present 
a good example and kneeled at the other side of the bed with 
his head bowed. 

Little Johnny looked up and said, "Whatcha doin'?" 
"Why... The same thing you're doing," replied Uncle Abner. 

"Ma's gonna be mad," said Little Johnny. 

"Why will she be mad?" asked Uncle Abner. 

"Because the bed pan's on this side!" responded Little Johnny. 

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Preventing Soap Scum
If you use liquid soap in your bath and shower instead of 
bar soap, you will not have as much soap scum. The 
paraffin in the solid soap helps cause the scum buildup

Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________





The best of People are Awesome!

___________________________________________________

Thanks to Doc for this story:
At a veterans' meeting in Washington, D.C., a man 
approached me and asked, "Do you recognize me?" 

"Sure," I answered unconvincingly. 

"What did I do in the Army?" he challenged. 

With surprising presence of mind, I replied, "You did 
absolutely nothing." 

Astonished, he said, "You do remember me!"

___________________________________________________


On wall in the men's room: "My wife follows me everywhere."

Written just below it: "I do not."

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


A Sunday-school teacher returning to work one day heard 
this little boy and girl quarreling with each other. 
It looked as if they might come to blows. 

"Children, why are you fighting so?" 

The little boy answered with an airy smile, "Why, teacher, we 
aren't quarreling really; we're just playing mother and father."

___________________________________________________



Today January 23 in
1556 An earthquake in Shanxi Province, China, was thought to have
killed about 830,000 people. 

1571 The Royal Exchange in London, founded by financier Thomas
Gresham, was opened by Queen Elizabeth I. 

1789 Georgetown College was established as the first Catholic
college in the U.S. The school is in Washington, DC. 

1907 Charles Curtis, of Kansas, began serving in the United
States Senate. He was the first American Indian to become a U.S.
Senator. He resigned in March of 1929 to become U.S. President
Herbert Hoover’s Vice President. 

1920 The Dutch government refused the demands from the Allies to
hand over the ex-kaiser of Germany. 

1937 In Moscow, seventeen people went on trial during Josef
Stalin's "Great Purge." 

1943 Duke Ellington and the band played for a black-tie crowd at
Carnegie Hall in New York City for the first time. 

1943 The British captured Tripoli from the Germans. 

1950 The Israeli Knesset approved a resolution proclaiming
Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. 

1960 The U.S. Navy bathyscape Trieste descended to a record depth
of 35,820 feet (10,750 meters) in the Pacific Ocean.

1964 Ratification of the 24th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution
was completed. This amendment eliminated the poll tax in federal
elections. 

1968 North Korea seized the U.S. Navy ship Pueblo, charging it
had intruded into the nation's territorial waters on a spying
mission. The crew was released 11 months later. 

1971 In Prospect Creek Camp, AK, the lowest temperature ever
recorded in the U.S. was reported as minus 80 degrees. 

1973 U.S. President Nixon announced that an accord had been
reached to lose the Vietnam War. 

1974 Mike Oldfield’s "Tubular Bells" opened the credits of the
movie, "The Exorcist". 

1977 The TV mini-series "Roots," began airing on ABC. The show
was based on the Alex Haley novel. 

1978 Sweden banned aerosol sprays because of damage to
environment. They were the first country to do so. 

1983 "The A-Team" debuted on TV. 

1985 O.J. Simpson became the first Heisman Trophy winner to be
elected to pro football’s Hall of Fame in Canton, OH. 

1989 Surrealist artist Salvador Dali died in Spain at age 84. 

1997 A judge in Fairfax, VA, sentenced Mir Aimal Kasi to death
for an assault rifle attack outside the CIA headquarters in 1993
that killed two men and wounded three other people. 

1997 A British woman received a record £186,000 damages for
Repetitive Strain Injury (RSI). 

2001 A van used by the remaining two fugitives of the "Texas 7"
was recovered in Colorado Springs, CO. A few hours later police
surrounded a hotel where the convicts were hiding. Patrick Murphy
Jr. and Donald Newbury were taken into custody the next morning
without incident. 

2002 John Walker Lindh returned to the U.S. under FBI custody.
Lindh was charged with conspiring to kill U.S. citizens,
providing support to terrorists and engaging in prohibited
transactions with the Taliban while a member of the al-Quaida
terrorist organization in Afghanistan. 

2003 North Korea announced that it would consider sanctions an
act of war for North Korea's reinstatement of its nuclear
program.

2019  smiled.






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Saving PowerPoint pictures 
Tuesday, January 22, 2019, 09:42 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, January 22

Thanks Michael!
The delay in acknowledging your help was not due to PayPal, but
due to Telus, the phone company, being slow to fix the sub
station, that had been hit by a drunk. Sorry about that!


Today's Bonehead Award: 
Drunken Eagles fan puts dog in microwave, 
attacks her girlfriend

______________________________________________________
Today, January 22 in
1666 Shah Jahan, a descendant of Genghis Khan and Timur, died at
the age of 74. He was the Mongul emperor of India that built the
Taj Mahal as a mausoleum for his wife Mumtaz-i-Mahal.  
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



"You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if
you could know how seldom they do."
--- Olin Miller

I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. 
I do and I understand. 
--- Confucius 

"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is
no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in
the geriatric ward." 
--- John Mortimer
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A guy asked his mother, "Why don't you get call-waiting? 
Your phone is always busy, and I can't get through."

She replied, "I DO have call-waiting. 
You call; if the line is busy; you wait!"

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________
A knight and his men return to their castle after a hard month
of riding.
"How are we faring?" his king asks.

"Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on
your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the
west."

"What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the
west!"

"Oh." replies the knight. "Well, you do now."

______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Kirsten J. Gaskins , 31,
Philadelphia,
Pennsylvania

Drunken Eagles fan puts dog in microwave, 
attacks her girlfriend

A drunken Eagles fan is accused of physically attacking her
girlfriend and putting her girlfriend’s dog in a hotel microwave
after the Eagles lost in the playoffs.

Police say Kirsten J. Gaskins , 31, had been drinking and was
upset about her team’s loss when she allegedly began yelling at
her girlfriend, knocked the woman the down, climbed on top of her
and started to hit her in the face, according to The Morning
Call.

The girlfriend, who wasn’t identified, was reportedly able to
escape by scratching Gaskins in the face but as she went to flee
the room, police said Gaskins allegedly threatened to kill her
dog if she left the room.

When police arrived at the Hanover Township hotel, where the
couple had been staying, they found the white Pomeranian stuffed
into a small microwave. The microwave had not been turned on and
the dog was not harmed.

Officers also reported that the woman’s girlfriend had blood on
her left ear and cuts on her nose and cheek indicating a fight
had taken place, the paper reports.

Gaskins initially fled the scene but returned after officers
arrived and told her girlfriend the pair were leaving.

"When Gaskins returned to the hotel room, she continued to be
aggressive and (loudly) cursing at police and the victim," a
press release obtained by Oxygen.com said.

Officers arrested her and charged her with simple assault,
harassment, cruelty to animals and possession of drug
paraphernalia.

She has since been released on a $20,000 bail.

Gaskins has denied the allegations against her telling local
station WCAU that the incident was not related to the football
game. She also claimed that she had not put the dog into the
microwave.




From: Jeannie
Re: Saving PowerPoint pictures

Dear DearWebby,
Several times over the past few months I’ve been sent some 
amazing power point presentations. Many of the pictures are 
just breath taking and I’d like to save a few of them. How do I 
do it? I would ask the people that sent them to me for copies 
of the photos but have already discovered that they have no clue 
about the photos as they have just forwarded on what was 
forwarded to them. Any advice or help will be greatly
appreciated.
Thanks!
Jeannie

Dear Jeannie
Just get OpenOffice or office Libre.
They are free.
They have a PowerPoint viewer in it that shows you the thumbnails

on the side, and the big pictures in the center. Or you can hit
F5 and enjoy the show running on it's own.

You can save the individual pictures, and even edit captions and 
make your own slide show.

The only real difference I found between Open and Libre is that
with Opne Office you can, if you want, just install Writer or
Calc or Impress, whereas with Libre office, you get the whole
apple cart. 
If you are short on space, use Open Office.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

One of the world's most famous merchant captains died, having
long been
admired by his crew and fellow officers.
They remained puzzled, however, over a strange ritual he
performed daily.
While at sea he would lock himself in his cabin and open a small
safe, take
out an envelope with a note inside and read it.
After locking the paper back in the safe, he would return to his
duties.

For years this went on, and his crew became very curious.  Was it
a treasure
map?  Was it a letter from a long lost love?  Everyone speculated
about the
contents of the strange envelope.

After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the
entire crew
back to the ship and into the captain's quarters.  He opened the
safe, got
the envelope and read the words aloud to an astonished crew:

'When standing on the bridge
looking towards the bow,
Port is Left, Starboard is Right.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch,
the psychiatrist began his therapy session.  "I'm not aware of
your problem," the doctor said.  "So perhaps, you should start
at the very beginning."

"Of course," replied the patient.  "In the beginning, I created
the Heavens and the Earth..."

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Slicing Round Food 
To prevent an onion, bagel, or anything round from rolling 
while you slice it, cut a small slice from an edge and use 
that as a base. Then it it will not roll as easily and is 
much safer. 

Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________






Beautiful peacock clock.

___________________________________________________

>From the deep South:
The hostess (with a daughter of marriageable age - of long 
duration) sent out an invitation to an officer (who was 
supposed to be the prospective suitor of her daughter's
hand).

"Mr. and Mrs. Dabney request the pleasure of Captain
Black's 
company at dinner on the 16th of March."

She was somewhat dismayed to receive the enthusiastic
reply:

"With the exception of four men on leave, and two sick, 
Captain Black's company accept with much pleasure your 
invitation to dinner on the 16th of March. There are 97 of
us in my company."

___________________________________________________

The waitress was waiting as patiently as she could
while John was dawdling over the breakfast menu.
He said: "I never return to a restaurant unless at least one
of the sausages I'm served is a match in size for my own."

The waitress pulls the menu from the man's hand and
says "I'll be right back with the children's menu."

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


The following conversation took place one morning between a   
wife and her now ex-husband. They were discussing government   
cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper.   

"Honey," his wife said, while reading the newspaper, "it   
looks like our government is going to cut overhead and trim   
down the military forces. They are going to retire six over-   
aged destroyers."   

To which the husband replies, "Oh...I'm sorry to hear your   
mother will be out of work."  

___________________________________________________



Today January 22 in
1666 Shah Jahan, a descendant of Genghis Khan and Timur, died at
the age of 74. He was the Mongul emperor of India that built the
Taj Mahal as a mausoleum for his wife Mumtaz-i-Mahal. 

1771 The Falkland Islands were ceded to Britain by Spain. 

1824 The Asante army crushed British troops in the Gold Coast. 

1874 A patent was issued to Samuel W. Francis for the spork. 

1879 James Shields began a term as a U.S. Senator from Missouri.
He had previously served Illinois and Minnesota. He was the first
Senator to serve three states. 

1879 British troops were massacred by the Zulus at Isandhlwana. 

1889 The Columbia Phonograph Company was formed in Washington,
DC. 

1900 Off of South Africa, the British released the German steamer
Herzog, which had been seized on January 6. 

1901 Queen Victoria of England died after reigning for nearly 64
years. Edward VII, her son, succeeded her. 

1903 The Hay-Herrán Treaty was signed by United States Secretary
of State John M. Hay and Colombian Chargé Dr. Tomás Herrán. The
treaty granted the United States rights to the land proposed for
the Panama Canal. 

1905 Insurgent workers were fired on in St Petersburg, Russia,
resulting in "Bloody Sunday." 500 people were killed. 

1917 U.S. President Wilson pleaded for an end to war in Europe,
calling for "peace without victory." America entered the war the
following April. 

1924 Ramsay MacDonald became Britain's first Labour Prime
Minister. 

1930 In New York, excavation began for the Empire State Building.


1936 In Paris, Premier Pierre Laval resigned over diplomatic
failure in the Ethiopian crisis. 

1938 "Our Town," by Thornton Wilder, was performed publicly for
the first time, in Princeton, NJ. 

1941 Britain captured Tobruk from German forces. 

1944 Allied forces began landing at Anzio, Italy, during World
War II. 

1950 Alger Hiss, a former adviser to U.S. President Franklin
Roosevelt, was convicted of perjury for denying contacts with a
Soviet agent. He was sentenced to five years in prison. 

1951 Fidel Castro was ejected from a Winter League baseball game
after hitting a batter. He later gave up baseball for politics. 

1957 Suspected "Mad Bomber" was arrested in Waterbury, CT. George
P. Metesky was accused of planting more than 30 explosive devices
in the New York City area. 

1957 The Israeli army withdrew from the Sinai. They had invaded
Egypt on October 29, 1956. 

1964 Kenneth Kaunda was sworn in as the first Prime Minister of
Northern Rhodesia. 

1970 The first regularly scheduled commercial flight of the
Boeing 747 began in New York City and ended in London about 6 1/2
hours later. 

1972 The United Kingdom, the Irish Republic, and Denmark joined
the EEC. 

1973 Joe Frazier lost the first fight of his professional career
to George Foreman. He had been the undefeated heavyweight world
champion since February 16, 1970 when he knocked out Jimmy Ellis.


1973 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down state laws that had been
restricting abortions during the first six months of pregnancy.
The case (Roe vs. Wade) legalized abortion. 

1983 Bjorn Borg retired from tennis. He had set a record by
winning 5 consecutive Wimbledon championships. 

1984 Apple introduced the Macintosh during the third quarter of
Super Bowl XVIII. 

1992 Rebel soldiers seized the national radio station in
Kinshasa, Zaire's capital, and broadcast a demand for the
government's resignation. 

1995 Two Palestinian suicide bombers from the Gaza Strip
detonated powerful explosives at a military transit point in
central Israel, killing 19 Israelis. 

1998 Theodore Kaczynski pled guilty to federal charges for his
role as the Unabomber. He agreed to life in prison without
parole. 

2000 Elian Gonzalez's grandmothers met privately with U.S.
Attorney General Janet Reno as they appealed for help in removing
the boy from his Florida relatives and reuniting him with his
father in Cuba. 

2001 Former National Football League (NFL) player Rae Carruth was
sentenced to a minimum 18 years and 11 months in prison for his
role in the 1999 shooting death of his pregnant girlfriend,
Cherica Adams. Adams died a month later from her wounds. The baby
survived and lives with the victim's mother. 

2001 Acting on a tip, authorities captured four of the "Texas 7"
in Woodland Park, CO, at a convenience store. A fifth convict
killed himself inside a motor home. 

2002 Lawyers suing Enron Corp. asked a court to prevent further
shredding of documents due to the pending federal investigation. 

2002 Amazon.com announced that it had posted its first net profit
in the fourth quarter (quarter ending December 31, 2001). 

2002 AOL Time Warner filed suit against Microsoft in federal
court seeking damages for harm done to AOL's Netscape Internet
Browser when Microsoft began giving away its competing browser. 
AOL never released Netscape. They just bought it, shelved it, and
used Microsoft Internet Explorer, making permanent enemies out of
all netscape fans.

2002 Marc Chagall's work "Study for 'Over Vitebsk" was found at a
postal installation in Topeka, KS. The 8x10 oil painting is
valued at about $1 million. The work was stolen a year before
from the Jewish Museum in New York City. 

2002 Kmart Corp. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy making it the
largest retailer in history to seek legal protection from its
creditors. 

2003 In New York, the "Leonardo da Vinci, Master Draftsmen"
exhibit opened at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. 

2003 It was reported that scientists in China had found
fossilized remains of a dinosaur with four feathered wings. 

2019  smiled.






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Transferring to new machine 
Monday, January 21, 2019, 07:45 PM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, January 21

Yesterday, Sunday, the phone lines, and Internet were down here
from before 9 am.
Telus malfunction.
I walked to Copper's home and Barb called the silly nits,
who are paid by the minute, that they can keep a victim on the
phone. Calling the number, to see if a drunk had knocked over a
phone pole, was of course too technical for them. 

After an hour of arguing, when Barb's phone battery -and
patience-was running down, they agreed to send a tech tomorrow,
Monday.

I told them via Barb's phone repeatedly that my phone has no dial
tone and the phone says "NO LINE". Medium smart onions would
realize that that indicates a knocked over phone pole.

So Monday they are going to send a tech. He is going to plug in
his phone and say: "Duh, looks like you got no line."

That's what I have been saying all along, Einstump!

Well, your newsletter is all written and ready to send whenever
they can get the line fixed.

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Traffic stop fugitive was chased by horses

______________________________________________________
Today, January 21 in
1911 The first Monte Carlo car rally was held. Seven days later
it was won by Henri Rougier. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the
second half by our children.
--- Clarence Darrow (1857 - 1938)

All Truth passes through Three Stages:
First, it is ridiculed...
Second, it is Violently Opposed...
Third, it is Accepted as being Self-Evident."
--- Arthur Schopenhauer

"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to   
pull a sled through snow." 
--- Jeff Valdez  
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Wendy: I can't understand why men are so afraid
of commitment!

Anni: Tell me about it! I lived with one guy for a year
and a half, and I finally had to give him an ultimatum.

Wendy: What did you say?

Anni: I just told him, "Look, either you tell me
your last name, or I am moving out of your house!"

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

>From Myrna
Dear Webby,
a few years ago you had that classic bricklayer's
compensation board letter. Do you still have it?
Can you print it again, please?
Thanks
Myrna

Sure, Myrna, here it is. It must be an all time favorite,
because I remember requests for it, when the Humor
Letter was still in fax format, before the Internet.

Dear Sir:
"I am writing in response to your request for
additional information in Block 3 of the accident
report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of  my
accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I
trust the following  details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident,
I was working alone on the roof of a new six story
building. When I completed my work,  found that I had
some bricks left over which, when weighed later were
found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs. Rather than
carry the  bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them
in a barrel by using a  pulley,which was attached to
the side of the building on the sixth  floor. Securing
the rope at ground level, I went up to the  roof, swung
the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I
went  down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to
ensure a slow  descent of the bricks.

You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form
that I weigh 135 lbs. Due to my surprise at being
jerked off the ground  so suddenly, I lost my presence
of mind and forgot to let go of the rope.  Needless to
say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the
building.  In the vicinity of the third floor, I met
the barrel which was now  proceeding downward at an
equal, impressive speed. This explained the fractured
skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as
listed in  section 3 of the accident report form.
Slowed only slightly, I  continued my rapid ascent, not
stopping until the fingers of my  right hand were two
knuckles deep into the pulley.  Fortunately by this
time I had regained my  presence of mind and was able
to hold tightly to the  rope, in spite of beginning to
experience a great deal of pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of
bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the
barrel. Now  devoid of the weight of the bricks, that
barrel weighed approximately 50  lbs. I refer you again
to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a  rapid
descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity
of the third  floor, I met the barrel coming up. This
accounts for the two fractured  ankles, broken tooth
and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter
with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my
injuries when I fell  into the pile of bricks and
fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I  am
sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of
bricks, in  pain, unable to move, I again lost my
composure and presence of mind and let  go of the rope
and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its
journey  back down onto me. This explains the two
broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry."

______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Dominic Maultsby, 
29,
DeLand,
Florida

Traffic stop fugitive was chased by horses

A police helicopter in Florida captured video when a fleeing
suspect was chased through a pasture by a few horses.

The Volusia County Sheriff's Office posted video to Twitter
showing a heat camera's footage of Dominic Maultsby, 29, fleeing
on foot after a traffic stop in DeLand.

The video shows Maultsby attempting to hide under a tree before
running into a field, where he soon found himself pursued by the
horses. 

The horses did not like him, knocked him ass over teakettle and
then chased the suspect until he jumped a nearby fence and was
captured by K-9 deputies waiting there.





From: Richie
Re: Transfer to new machine

Dear DearWebby,
Can I hook a USB jumper from my old pC to my new PC and transfer
all my data and files from one C drive to the other?

Do you have a better idea to perform this?
thanks
Richie 

Dear Richie
No.

You can network the machines and transfer your porno pix,
but if you try to transfer programs, you will have a big problem.

The only safe way to do that is by following the advice of Intel
and Microsoft:
Use PC Mover from LapLink.

Just hit the PC Mover banner in the Humor Letter.
It is not free. 
Just consider it part of the cost of your new computer.

I have used Laplink since the 80's and have never had a problem
with it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


Morris complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other
doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis."

The doctor calmly replied, " BS! Just wait until the autopsy,
then you'll see that I was right."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




A crumbling old church building needed
remodeling, so, during his sermon, the
preacher made an impassioned appeal
looking directly at the richest man in town.

At the end of the sermon, the rich man
stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will
contribute $1000."

Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling
and struck the rich man on the shoulder.

He promptly stood back up and shouted,
"Pastor, I will increase my donation to
$5000."

Before he could sit back down, plaster
fell on him again, and this time he
virtually screamed, "Pastor, I will
double my last pledge."

He sat down, and a larger chunk of plaster
fell on his head.

He stood up once more and hollered, "Pastor,
I will give $20,000!"

This prompted a deacon to shout, "Hit him
again, Lord! Hit him again!"

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Oatmeal Face Scrub
 This is a simple and cheap face scrub that helps get rid
of blackheads. Make a paste with oatmeal and water and
apply it liberally to your face. Let the paste dry completely
and then rub it off with your fingers. As you remove the
oatmeal you will also remove any dead skin. Lastly, rinse
your face with warm water.

Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________





13 things Messy Nessy found on the internet today.

___________________________________________________

>From Pat in OZ
"It's just to hot to wear clothes today," said Jack
as he stepped out of the shower.  "Honey, what
do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed
the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money."

___________________________________________________

A friend went to her doctor the other day and the man was 
not very sympathetic with her aches and pains. 
"You'll just have to learn to live it," he said. 

When she got her bill for $90, she sent it back, with the 
notation, "You'll just have to learn to live without it!"

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


A woman, her husband, and their three rambunctious young sons   
were in their car waiting at a traffic.  The woman glanced   
over at the car next them, noticing a blissfully happy mother   
with her baby daughter.   

Looking at her husband she said, "As soon as I lose my weight   
from the last baby, I want to try for a daughter."   

The husband reached up to the dash, grabbed an open box of   
snacks, and said, "Here, have another cookie."   

___________________________________________________



Today January 21 in
1789 W.H. Brown's "Power of Sympathy" was published. It was the
first American novel to be published. The novel is also known
as the "Triumph of Nature Founded in Truth". 

1793 During the French Revolution, King Louis XVI was executed
on the guillotine. He had been condemned for treason. 

1853 Dr. Russell L. Hawes patented the envelope folding
machine. 

1865 An oil well was drilled by torpedoes for the first time. 

1900 Canadian troops set sail to fight in South Africa. The
Boers had attacked Ladysmith on January 8, 1900. 

1911 The first Monte Carlo car rally was held. Seven days later
it was won by Henri Rougier. 

1915 The first Kiwanis club was formed in Detroit, MI. 

1924 Soviet leader Vladimir Ilyich Lenin died. Joseph Stalin
began a purge of his rivals for the leadership of the Soviet
Union. 

1927 The first opera broadcast over a national radio network
was presented in Chicago, IL. The opera was "Faust". 

1941 The British communist newspaper, the "Daily Worker," was
banned due to wartime restrictions. 

1954 The Nautilus was launched in Groton, CT. It was the first
atomic-powered submarine. U.S. First Lady Mamie Eisenhower
broke the traditional bottle of champagne across the bow. 

1954 The gas turbine automobile was introduced in New York
City. 

1970 The Boeing 747 made its first commercial flight from New
York to London for Pan American. 

1970 ABC-TV presented "The Johnny Cash Show" in prime time. 

1976 The French Concorde SST aircraft began regular commercial
service for Air France and British Airways. 

1977 U.S. President Carter pardoned almost all Vietnam War
draft evaders. 

1980 Gold was valued at $850 an ounce. 

1994 A jury in Manassas, VA, acquitted Lorena Bobbitt by reason
of temporary insanity of maliciously wounding (severing his
penis) her husband John. She accused him of sexually assaulting
her. 

1997 Newt Gingrich was fined as the U.S. House of
Representatvies voted for first time in history to discipline
its leader for ethical misconduct. 

1998 A former White House intern said on tape that she had an
affair with U.S. President Clinton. 

1999 The U.S. Coast Guard intercepted a ship headed for
Houston, TX, that had over 9,500 pounds of cocaine aboard. It
was one of the largest drug busts in U.S. history. 

2002 In Goma, Congo, about fifty people were killed when lava
flow ignited a gas station. The people killed were trying to
steal fuel from elevated tanks. The eruption of Mount
Nyiragongo began on January 17, 2002. 

2002 In London, a 17th century book by Capt. John Smith,
founder of the English settlement at Jamestown, was sold at
auction for $48,800. "The General History of Virginia, New
England and the Summer Isles" was published in 1632. 

2003 It was announced by the U.S. Census Bureau that estimates
showed that the Hispanic population had passed the black
population for the first time.

2019  smiled.






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Spellcheckers 
Sunday, January 20, 2019, 09:17 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, January 20

Today's Bonehead Award: 


______________________________________________________
Today, January 20 in
1981 Iran released 52 Americans that had been held hostage for
444 days. The hostages were flown to Algeria and then to a U.S.
base in Wiesbaden, West Germany. The release occurred minutes
after the U.S. presidency had passed from Jimmy Carter to Ronald
Reagan. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



Every person takes the limits of their own field of vision for
the limits of the world.
--- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860) 

 Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from 
 poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor 
 countries. 
--- Douglas Casey

When we remember we are all mad, 
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
--- Mark Twain
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Preparing for a family vacation, my sister-in-law and her   
husband explained to their young children that they would   
be sitting in the car for a very long time. The kids were   
told they would not be arriving at their destination until   
after dark, and were warned not to keep saying, "Are we   
there yet?"   

After a few minutes of peaceful driving, their five-year-old   
daughter perked up, "Is it dark yet?"   

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

A big, beefy, leather-wearing, biker type fellow walks into   
a bar, slams his fist down, and demands in a loud voice,   
"Give me a bottle of beer, or else...!"   

Scared, the bartender serves the man his beer. This happens   
every day for a week straight, and the bartender turns into   
a nervous wreck. He asks his wife for advice, and she tells   
him he should stand up for himself. Easier said than done,   
he thinks, but he decides to try it.   

The next day, the biker returns.   

"Give me a bottle of beer, or else...!"   

"O-o-o-or else w-w-w-what?" stammers the bartender.   

"Or I'll take a draft if you're out of bottles."   

______________________________________________________



 Cape Stolbchaty, located in Russia’s Kuril Islands.
© Ekaterina Vasyagina

_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Dickface Johnson,
Jeffrey Forrest Poole,
37,
Largo,
Florida

Most memorable Alias in Floriduh

When police in Largo, Florida, arrested Jeffrey Forrest Poole on
charges of violently resisting a police officer, the authorities
made sure to list things like his age, weight and address in his
arrest report.

Officers also included an alias that Poole has allegedly used in
the past ? and it’s pretty awesome, as well as NSFW.

But more on that later.

Police were called to the 37-year-old suspect’s home on a
reported domestic disturbance early Sunday morning.

When the officer arrived, according to the criminal complaint,
Poole exited his home and said, “I will beat every cop’s ass!” 

Then Poole “raised his right fist and began to extend it towards
my face in an attempt to strike me,” the arresting officer wrote,
according to The Smoking Gun.

Since Poole was arrested and taken to the Pinellas County Jail,
it is highly unlikely he made good on his ass-kicking promise.

Poole was charged with assaulting a police officer and violently
resisting a police officer. He remains behind bars in lieu of
$5,150 bail.

What makes this case interesting beyond Pinellas County is one
tiny detail: The criminal alias Poole has previously used, one
“Dickface Johnson.”

That name showed up because Poole was either asked if he had any
alias or a record on file under that name, according to
Brobible.com.





From: Cleta
Re: Spell Check

Dear DearWebby,
I am 71 year's old and I would like very much to install Spell
Correct on my Face Book Timeline page What do you think is the
best one? I look on the Internet and it had 4 different one's
but I have always trusted your thoughts. The four Are 1- Google
Chrome 2-Mozilla Firefox 3- Safari --Internet Explorer Thanks a
lot. 
Cleta

Dear Cleta
Decades ago, long before FaceBook, I installed "As You Type".
It still seems to work in everything, mail, spreadsheets, word
processing, etc., including FaceBook.

I realize that now it is not free, but it has never bugged me
about renewing. Seems to be a lifetime thing. So I have not
checked what is new in that field.

The browser based spell checkers are each just good for that
particular browser. If you use Chrome, get that one. If you use
FireFox, get that one.
If you use many different browsers, get the add-in for each of
them.

The browser based spell checkers won't help you in other
applications like email or spreadsheets or word processors, but
will work nicely in that particular browser.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


John was drunk when he got to Texas.
When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and
said, "Wow,  these seats are big!" The person next to
him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to
visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a
beer and got a mug placed between his hands.

He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The
bartender replied, "Everything is big  in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the drunk asked the
bartender where the bathroom was located. The
bartender replied, "Second door to the right." 

John headed for the bathroom, but accidentally
tripped over and skipped  the second door. Instead, he
entered the third door, which lead to the  swimming
pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to
death, the drunk man started shouting, "Don't flush,
PLEASE, don't flush!"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




The dentist was striving to extract a tooth, but every time 
he got ready to proceed, the patient clamped his jaws. 
At last, he took his assistant aside and told her at the 
very moment he poised the forceps,
to give the patient's balls a vicious pinch.


The pinch was administered, the nervous patient's mouth 
flew open, and the tooth was easily removed.


"Didn't hurt, did it?" asked the dentist.


"Not too much," replied the patient, "but who would have 
thought the root went that deep?"

https://www.facebook.com/TRNDVideos/videos/1527162234054130/
___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Surge Protector or Just a Power Strip
It's a good idea to plug your computer into a power strip 
that has a surge protector in it. Not all power strips have 
this feature. If your power strip doesn't state that it has 
a surge protector it probably does not and you should 
upgrade to help protect your expensive electronics. 

Thriftyfun.com
If you believe in election promises and
advertising, that is good advice. 

Just because a power bar claims to have a surge protector,
that does not mean it has an effective surge protector. A
light-weight no-name brand power bar for $2.95 - $19.95
just has a token suppressor chip that may suicide from the
surge caused by turning a big monitor on. It will just be a
handy power bar from then on, without telling you that it
no longer even detects surges.

In the class between $19.95 and $49.95 they indicate with
a flickering light that they are just a dumb power bar now.

In the heavier, above $50 class there are heavy coils and
capacitors, and often even a battery that will smooth over
short outages and flickers.

Without getting into technical details, usually the heavier
a power bar is, the more likely it has effective surge
protection.


____________________________________________________





13 things Messy Nessy found on the internet today.

___________________________________________________

Thanks to Millie for this story:
 While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room
 of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his
 full name.

 Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same
 name had been in my high school class some 40 years ago!!

 Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought.
 This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was too
 old to have been MY classmate.

 After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended
 the local high school.

 "Yes!" he replied.

 "When did you graduate?" I asked.

 He answered, "In 1944."

 "Why, you were in my class!"  I exclaimed.

 He looked at me closely, and then asked, 
 "What did you teach?"

 He died on the way to the hospital.

___________________________________________________

After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into an 
old blouse and sweats and proceeded to wash her hair 
and give herself a facial. 

As she heard the children getting more and more 
rambunctious, her patience grew thin. 

Finally, she wrapped a towel around her head and, with 
cold creme on her face, stormed into their room, putting 
them back to bed with stern warnings. 

As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say, 
with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT monfter?" 

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


Thanks to Sandie for this story:
I walked into my sister's kitchen and found my nephew, Mitch, 
having a snack. 

"Where's your mother?" I asked. 

"She said she was going to take a shower. Just a second 
and I'll see." 

Mitch went to the kitchen tap and turned the hot water on 
full blast. 

An indignant yell came from above. 

Mitch calmly turned off the tap and said, 
"Yep, she's in the shower."

___________________________________________________



Today January 20 in
1265 The first English parliament met in Westminster Hall. 

1839 Chile defeated a confederation of Peru and Bolivia in the
Battle of Yungay. 

1841 The island of Hong Kong was ceded to Great Britain. It
returned to Chinese control in July 1997. 

1885 The roller coaster was patented by L.A. Thompson. 

1886 The Mersey Railway Tunnel was officially opened by the
Prince of Wales. 

1887 The U.S. Senate approved an agreement to lease Pearl Harbor
in Hawaii as a naval base. 

1892 The first official basketball game was played by students at
the Springfield, MA, YMCA Training School. 

1929 The movie "In Old Arizona" was released. The film was the
first full-length talking film to be filmed outdoors. 

1942 Nazi officials held the Wannsee conference, during which
they arrived at their "final solution" that called for
exterminating Europe's Jews. 

1944 The British RAF dropped 2,300 tons of bombs on Berlin. 

1952 In Juarez, Mexico, Patricia McCormick debuted as the first
professional woman bullfighter from the United States. 

1953 "Studio One" became the first television show to be
transmitted from the United States to Canada. 

1954 The National Negro Network was formed on this date. Forty
radio stations were charter members of the network. 

1972 The number of unemployed in Britain exceeded 1 million. 

1981 Iran released 52 Americans that had been held hostage for
444 days. The hostages were flown to Algeria and then to a U.S.
base in Wiesbaden, West Germany. The release occurred minutes
after the U.S. presidency had passed from Jimmy Carter to Ronald
Reagan. 

1985 The most-watched Super Bowl game in history was seen by an
estimated 115.9 million people. The San Francisco 49ers defeated
the Miami Dolphins, 38-16. Super Bowl XIX marked the first time
that TV commercials sold for a million dollars a minute. 

1986 Britain and France announced their plans to build the
Channel Tunnel. 

1986 New footage of the 1931 "Frankenstein" was found. The
footage was originally deleted because it was considered to be
too shocking. 

1987 Anglican Church envoy Terry Waite was kidnapped in Beirut,
Lebanon. He was there attempting to negotiate the release of
Western hostages. He was not freed until November 1991. 

1994 Shannon Faulkner became the first woman to attend classes at
The Citadel in South Carolina. Faulkner joined the cadet corps in
August 1995 under court order but soon dropped out. 

1996 Yasser Arafat was elected president of the Palestinian
Authority and his supporters won two thirds of the 80 seats in
the Legislative Council. 

1998 American researchers announced that they had cloned calves
that may produce medicinal milk. 

1998 In Chile, a judge agreed to hear a lawsuit that accused
Chile's former dictator Augusto Pinochet with genocide. 

1999 The China News Service announced that the Chinese government
was tightening restrictions on internet use. The rules were aimed
at 'Internet Bars.' 

2000 Greece and Turkey signed five accords aimed to build
confidence between the two nations. 

2019  smiled.






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Advantages of PayPal 
Saturday, January 19, 2019, 09:33 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, January 19

Today's Bonehead Award: 


______________________________________________________
Today, January 19 in
1937 Howard Hughes set a transcontinental air record. He flew
from Los Angeles to New York City in 7 hours, 28 minutes and 25
seconds. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans
is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your
three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
--- Rita Mae Brown
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

>From Barb
As my five-year-old son and I were headed to McDonald's one   
day, we passed a car accident. Usually when we see something   
terrible like that, we say a prayer for those who might be   
hurt, so I pointed and said to my son, "We should pray."   

From the back seat I heard his earnest request: "Please,   
God, don't let those cars block the entrance to McDonald's."   

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

A little boy walked up to the librarian to check out a book   
entitled "COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE FOR MOTHERS."   

When the librarian asked him if it was for his mother, he   
answered 'no.'   

"Then why are you checking it out?"   

"Because," said the little boy confidently, "I just started   
collecting moths last month!"   

______________________________________________________




Satchari National Park, located in far eastern Bangladesh
Photo by Abdul Momin
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Laura Ulin,
40,
Cape Coral,
Florida

Florida Woman Pulled Gun on Salon Because 
It Was Past Her Appointment Time

A Southwest Florida woman found herself behind bars after police
say she pulled out a gun and threatened another person because it
was past her appointment time at a local hair salon.

Laura Ulin was arrested Monday afternoon after the incident at
the Hair Cuttery in Cape Coral, with the 40-year-old being
charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without the
intent to kill and carrying a concealed weapon without a license.

According to NBC affiliate WBBH-TV, Ulin when into the location
upset and swearing because it was past her scheduled time and
claimed stylists were not working.

When a customer got up in an attempt to calm her down, Ulin
pulled a gun out of her purse and pointed it at the customer’s
stomach before leaving.

Ulin was arrested at her home several hours later and was
released on $35,000 bond. Her next court appearance is scheduled
for February 11th.  





From: Robert
Re: What is the advantage of PayPal

Dear DearWebby,
What is the advantage of having Pay Pal and how do I get it if I
were 
interested Please help!!
   Thank you,
Robert.

Dear Robert
PayPal is like a 2-way debit card.
You can receive money just as easily as spending money.

For example, if you find that you have more stuff to get rid 
off from the spring cleaning than you have garbage bag 
allowance, you sell some of the stuff on eBay. Somebody 
is bound to want that stuff.
They pay you via PayPal and stock up your PayPal account.

When you buy something over the net, for example web hosting, 
you use your PayPal account to pay for it. If you buy something 
major, you can stock your account by dragging funds from your 
bank account onto it. The same also works when you have too 
much in the PayPal account and not enough in your checking 
account. You simply drag some money from PayPal to your 
bank account.

You can view and print your PayPal account any time you want, 
without statement fees like your bank charges.

It works quite well and I have never had a problem with PayPal. 
99.5% of Webby clients pay with PayPal and appreciate the 
convenience.

To get an account, just go to http://paypal.com

By the way, if a company does not accept PayPal, then watch out.
PayPal does not block companies or people for no reason.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


On a balmy day in the South Pacific, a navy ship spied smoke
coming from one of three huts on an island they thought was
deserted.  Upon arriving at the shore they were met by a
"survivor."  He said, "I'm so glad you're here!  I've been alone
on this island for more than three years!"

The captain of the ship replied, "But we saw THREE huts."

The survivor said, "Oh.  Well, I live in one, and go to church in
another."

"What about the THIRD hut?" asked the captain.

"That's where I USED to go to church."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




What Is Easter?
Three cheerleaders died in an accident trying to jump the Grand 
Canyon. They are at the pearly gates of Heaven. St. Peter tells 
them that they can enter the gates only if they can answer one 
simple religious question.
The question posed by St. Peter is - "What is Easter"?

The first cheerleader replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday
in November when we all get together, eat turkey and are
thankful." 

"Wrong!, you are not welcome here, I'm afraid. You must go to 
the other place!" replies St.Peter.

Then he turns to the second cheerleader, and asks her the same 
question - "What is Easter?"

The second cheerleader replies, "Easter is the holiday in
December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and
celebrate the birth of Jesus."

St. Peter looks at the second cheerleader, bangs his head on the 
pearly gates in disgust and tells her she's wrong and will have
to 
join her friend in the other place; she is not welcome in Heaven.

He then peers over his glasses at the third cheerleader and asks,

"Do YOU know what Easter is?"

The third cheerleader smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in
the eyes, "I know what Easter is."

"Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously.

"Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish 
celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at 
the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over 
to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him 
to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a 
crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his 
hands and feet. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed
off by a large boulder."

St. Peter smiles broadly with delight.

Then the third cheerleader continues ...
"Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come 
out and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks 
of hockey!"

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Vegetable Oil on Your Snow Shovel 

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to 
preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand 
my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." 

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his 
sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands.
He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. 

Every hand went up.

The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. 
I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying." 


Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________





Top 100 viral videos of 2018. 30 min. 44 sec. long

___________________________________________________

Two babies were sat in their cribs, when one
baby shouted to the other, "Are you a little girl
or a little boy?"

"I don't know," replied the other baby giggling.

"What do you mean, you don't know?" said the
first baby.

"I mean I don't know how to tell the difference,"
was the reply.

"Well, I do," said the first baby chuckling. "I'll
climb into your crib and find out." He carefully
maneuvered himself into the other baby's crib,
then quickly disappeared beneath the blankets.
After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced with
a big grin on his face. "You're a little girl, and
I'm a little boy," he said proudly.

"You're ever so clever," cooed the baby girl,
"but how can you tell?"

"It's quite easy, really," replied the proud baby boy,
"you've got pink booties and I've got blue ones."

___________________________________________________

Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and 
after a long trial, the jury acquitted him.  Later that day
Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing. 

"Your honor," he said, "I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty
lawyer of mine."

"Why?" asked the judge.  "He won your acquittal.  
What do you want to have him arrested for ?"

"Well, your honor," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money 
to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I had stolen."

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


In his Sunday sermon, the minister used "Forgive Your 
Enemies" as his subject. After the sermon, he asked how
many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held 
up their hands.

Not satisfied, he harangued the congregation for another 
twenty minutes and repeated his question. This received a 
response of eighty percent. Still unsatisfied, he lectured for
fifteen more minutes and repeated his question. 

All responded except one elderly gentleman in the rear.

"Mr. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" 

"I don't have any." 

"Mr. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?" 

"One hundred and one". 

"Mr. Jones, please come down in front and tell the 
congregation how a man can live to be one hundred and 
one and not have an enemy in the world."

The old man teetered down the aisle, slowly turned to 
face the congregation, smiled and said, "I outlived every 
one of them bitches and a few sumbitches too!"

___________________________________________________



Today January 19 in
1419 Rouen surrendered to Henry V, completing his conquest of
Normandy. 

1793 King Louis XVI was tried by the French Convention, found
guilty of treason and sentenced to the guillotine. 

1825 Ezra Daggett and Thomas Kensett of New York City patented a
canning process to preserve salmon, oysters and lobsters. 

1883 Thomas Edison's first village electric lighting system using
overhead wires began operation in Roselle, NJ. 

1915 George Claude, of Paris, France, patented the neon discharge
tube for use in advertising signs. 

1915 More than 20 people were killed when German zeppelins bombed
England for the first time. The bombs were dropped on Great
Yarmouth and King's Lynn. 

1937 Howard Hughes set a transcontinental air record. He flew
from Los Angeles to New York City in 7 hours, 28 minutes and 25
seconds. 

1942 The Japanese invaded Burma (later Myanmar). 

1944 The U.S. federal government relinquished control of the
nation's railroads after the settlement of a wage dispute. 

1949 The salary of the President of the United States was
increased from $75,000 to $100,000 with an additional $50,000
expense allowance for each year in office. 

1953 Sixty-eight percent of all TV sets in the U.S. were tuned to
CBS-TV, as Lucy Ricardo, of "I Love Lucy," gave birth to a baby
boy. 

1955 U.S. President Eisenhower allowed a filmed news conference
to be used on television (and in movie newsreels) for the first
time. 

1957 Philadelphia comedian, Ernie Kovacs, did a half-hour TV show
without saying a single word of dialogue. 

1966 Indira Gandhi was elected prime minister of India. 

1969 In protest against the Russian invasion of 1968, Czech
student Jan Palach set himself on fire in Prague's Wenceslas
Square. 

1971 At the Charles Manson murder trial, the Beatles' "Helter
Skelter" was played. At the scene of one of his gruesome murders,
the words "helter skelter" were written on a mirror. 

1977 U.S. President Ford pardoned Iva Toguri D'Aquino (the "Tokyo
Rose"). 

1979 Former U.S. Attorney General John N. Mitchell was released
on parole after serving 19 months at a federal prison in Alabama.


1981 The U.S. and Iran signed an agreement paving the way for the
release of 52 Americans held hostage for more than 14 months and
for arrangements to unfreeze Iranian assets and to resolve all
claims against Iran. 

1983 China announced that it was bannning 1983 purchases of
cotton, soybeans and chemical fibers from the United States. 

1993 IBM announced a loss of $4.97 billion for 1992. It was the
largest single-year loss in U.S. corporate history. 

1995 Russian forces overwhelmed the resistance forces in
Chechnya. 

1996 U.S. first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was subpoenaed to
appear before a federal grand jury. The investigation was
concerning the discovery of billing records related to the
Whitewater real estate investment venture. 

1997 Yasser Arafat returned to Hebron for the first time in more
than 30 years. He joined 60,000 Palestinians in celebration over
the handover of the last West Bank city in Israeli control. 

2001 Texas officials demoted a warden and suspended three other
prison workers in the wake of the escape of the "Texas 7." 

2006 NASA's New Horizons spacecraft was launched. The mission was
the first to investigate Pluto. 

2013 In Scottsdale, AZ, the original Batmobile for the TV series
"Batman" sold at auction for $4.6 million. It was the first of
six Batmobiles produced for the show. 

2018  smiled.






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Are Eudora and Thunderbird freee? Yes! 
Friday, January 18, 2019, 08:25 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, January 18
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Today's Bonehead Award: 


______________________________________________________
Today, January 18 in
1939 Louis Armstrong and his orchestra recorded 
"Jeepers Creepers."
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work 
the more I have of it.
--- Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826)

Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason 
it was put up.
--- G. K. Chesterton (1874 - 1936)   
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

>From Wendi
I was on the phone trying to set up a furniture delivery.   
"If you would like to arrange a delivery date, please press   
one," the automated voice prompted me. "If you would like   
to confirm delivery, please press two."   

At that moment my three-year-old daughter let out an ear-   
piercing shriek. "I'm sorry," the automated voice said,   
"that is not a valid response."   

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

Don goes into business for himself. He buys a hotdog cart   
and sets it up in a prime spot on a busy downtown corner,   
right near a large bank.   

One day, his friend Jim approaches him and asks Don if he   
can lend him some money.   

Don refuses.   

"But why?" asks Jim. "Everyone knows you're doing well, and   
I'm not asking for much."   

"Well, Jim, in order to get this spot I had to sign a Non-   
competition Agreement with that bank over there. According   
to the terms of the agreement, they're don't sell hot dogs,   
and I don't lend money."   

______________________________________________________



Ring Neck Pheasant on Kenny Hollow Rd. Yale Forest, Union, CT. 
12-31-2018 D J Laroche Photography

_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Ashley Kristen Keister, 
28, 
Nanticoke,
Pennsylvania

Woman smashed way into station looking 
for cop she was sexually harassing

A Pennsylvania woman was caught on surveillance cameras busting
her way into a small-town police station looking for the police
officer she’s been sexually harassing since he arrested her last
May, police officials said. 

Ashley Kristen Keister, 28, of Nanticoke, was booked Monday on
charges of aggravated assault on a police officer, harassment by
communicating lewd or threatening language, two counts of
criminal mischief, two counts of institutional vandalism,
loitering and prowling at night, disorderly conduct and burglary,
according to court records. She is being held in the Luzerne
County Jail in lieu of $50,000 bond.  





From: Janice
Re: Eudora and FireFox

Dear DearWebby,
I see Eudora has a free download.  But does it cost anything to
use or to have just a personal account?  

I hate Chrome and Google (which I think are the same or closely
connected) but Firefox suits me fine.  

Is Eudora compatible with Firefox?  
Janice

Dear Janice
Eudora is free.
It is a self sufficient, independent program and does not need
ANY browser. I remember it was working just fine long before
Microsoft copied Netscape and created Internet Explorer. There
used to be a hot religious war between Netscape users and
Microsoft Internet Explorer users.

It made no difference to Eudora users. 

If Eudora is too Industrial looking for you, you can get
ThunderBird. It is based on the Eudora core, but has all the
corners rounded off and colored nicely.

Millions of former Eudora users now use Thunderbird, because
Windows 7 Pro and Windows 10 does not mesh with Eudora very well.
For example clicking on an email address in Excel SHOULD open a
new mail in Eudora with that address already in the TO line.
Unfortunately, Windows is a bit unreliable about that.
With Thunderbird there is no problem with that.

Eudora is at 
https://eudora.en.softonic.com/

Thunderbird is at
https://www.thunderbird.net/en-US/

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


Year after year Bubba's wife pleaded with him to take her 
fishing but he kept telling her she would not enjoy it. She, 
finally, wore him down, he consented, and early one 
morning they took off to the lake. 
They had not been there very long when the fish began biting. 

Almost as fast as they cast, a fish would bite, and they reeled 
it in. After catching their limit, Bubba said, "Verna Lou, sweet 
thang, I'm sorry. You've been good luck and I'm gonna bring 
you with me the next time. If you'll mark the spot where we 
caught all these fish, we'll go home." 

On the way home, Bubba turned to Verna Lou and said, 
"Sweet thang, how did you mark the spot were all the fish are 
so next time I'll know?" 

"Bubba, darlin', I put a big 'X' on the side of the boat right 
down closest to the water." 

"Sweet thang, that's about the dumbest thing I ever seed you 
do. Don't you know that won't work? We may not get the 
same boat the next time!" 



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




A bus driver is conducting a tour of famous Civil War battle
sites. "Here," he points out at one spot, "is where the
Southern troops routed a whole regiment of Yankees. Over
there, the Reb's wiped out a whole platoon of Yanks. Down
about a mile, there's another valley where we captured a
thousand Union soldiers."

A tourist says, "Didn't the North ever win a battle?"

"Maybe, Ma'am. But not while I'm driving this bus."

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Vegetable Oil on Your Snow Shovel 
Coat your snow shovel with some vegetable oil to keep snow 
from sticking to it. Use the cheapest cooking oil you have on 
hand.
Make sure you carefully wash off that oil
before the dusty season! Unlike dry Moly lube or spray-on
Ski wax, cooking oil attracts and binds dust into a rough
crust that will make your life miserable next year.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________





The 2019 Harbin Ice and Snow Festival.
___________________________________________________

My wife and I were visiting her 95-year-old grandfather when
he asked us to take him to buy a new hat.
My wife took me aside. "I'm worried that he doesn't have
enough money, and he'll be very embarrassed," she said. So I
asked the salesperson to tell my wife's grandfather that
whichever hat he chose cost $15. I would pay the difference.

Grandpa picked out a hat and was charged $15. After he left,
I paid the other $45 of the price.

Later Grandpa said, "What a bargain! The last one I bought
there cost me $60."

___________________________________________________

One woman was talking to her friend. 

"You should listen to my neighbor," she said. 
"She is always bad-mouthing her poor husband behind his back. 
I think that's so rude. Look at me! My husband is fat, lazy, 
cheap, and no good in bed, but have you ever heard me say a bad
word about him?"

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


One criminal who was accused of several murders and 
robbery was sentenced to death by the judge of the court. 
It was decided that the criminal will be shot in front of a 
firing squad on a particular day.

On that very day, the weather was very foul. It rained cats 
and dogs. There was no sufficient light to see anything 
clearly. But duty is duty so the captain of the squad along 
with his five soldiers took the criminal and started walking 
to the spot.

On the way the criminal told the Captain, "See,what a weather! 
I am not afraid of death, but this day is not suitable for dying.

What do you think?"

"Truly, the weather is very foul", the Captain replied, 
"But you are fortunate as you are only going one way, just 
think of our condition! We have to go all the way back!".

___________________________________________________



Today January 18 in
1778 English navigator Captain James Cook discovered the Hawaiian
Islands, which he called the "Sandwich Islands." 

1788 The first English settlers arrived in Australia's Botany Bay
to establish a penal colony. The group moved north eight days
later and settled at Port Jackson. 

1871 Wilhelm, King of Prussia from 1861, was proclaimed the first
German Emperor. 

1886 The Hockey Association was formed in England. This date is
the birthday of modern field hockey. 

1896 The x-ray machine was exhibited publicly for the first time.


1911 For the first time an aircraft landed on a ship. Pilot
Eugene B. Ely flew onto the deck of the USS Pennsylvania in San
Francisco harbor. 

1919 The World War I Peace Congress opened in Versailles, France.


1939 Louis Armstrong and his orchestra recorded "Jeepers
Creepers." 

1943 During World War II, the Soviets announced that they had
broken the Nazi siege of Leningrad, which had began in September
of 1941. 

1943 U.S. commercial bakers stopped selling sliced bread. Only
whole loaves were sold during the ban until the end of World War
II. 

1948 "The Original Amateur Hour" debuted. The show was on the air
for 22 years. 

1950 The federal tax on oleomargarine was repealed. 

1957 The first, non-stop, around-the-world, jet flight came to an
end at Riverside, CA. The plane was refueled in mid-flight by
huge aerial tankers. 

1964 The plans for the original World Trade Center in New York
were unveiled to the public. 

1967 Albert DeSalvo, who claimed to be the "Boston Strangler,"
was convicted in Cambridge, MA, of armed robbery, assault and sex
offenses. He was sentenced to life in prison. Desalvo was killed
in 1973 by a fellow inmate. 

1972 Former Rhodesian prime minister Garfield Todd and his
daughter were placed under house arrest for campaigning against
Rhodesian independence. 

1978 The European Court of Human Rights cleared the British
government of torture but found it guilty of inhuman and
degrading treatment of prisoners in Northern Ireland. 

1987 For the first time in history the Public Broadcasting System
(PBS) was seen by over 100 million viewers. The audience was
measured during the week of January 12-18. 

1990 A jury in Los Angeles, CA, acquitted former preschool
operators Raymond Buckey and his mother, Peggy McMartin Buckey,
of 52 child molestation charges. 

1990 In an FBI sting, Washington, DC, Mayor Marion Barry was
arrested for drug possession. He was later convicted of a
misdemeanor. 

1991 Eastern Airlines shut down after 62 years in business due to
financial problems. 

1995 The "yahoo.com" domain was registered. 

1995 A network of caves were discovered near the town of Vallon-
Pont-d'Arc in southern France. The caves contained paintings and
engravings that were 17,000 to 20,000 years old. 

1997 Hutu militiamen killed three Spanish aid workers and three
soldiers and seriously wound an American in a night attack in NW
Rwanda. 

2000 The Chinese web services company Baidu, Inc. was
incorporated in Beijing. 

2002 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced the
approval of a saliva-based ovulation test. 

2012 Wikipedia began a 24-hour "blackout" in protest against
proposed anti-piracy legislation (S. 968 and H.R. 3261) known as
the Protect Intellectual Property Act (PIPA) in the Senate and
the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) in the House. Many websites,
including Reddit, Google, Facebook, Amazon and others, contended
it would make it challenging if not impossible for them to
operate. 

2018  smiled.






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Yahoo Mail fix 
Thursday, January 17, 2019, 10:01 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, January 17

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Father charged with beating toddler, 
gluing mouth, eyes shut

______________________________________________________
Today, January 17 in
2002 It was announced that Microsoft had signed a joint venture
agreement to produce software with two partners in China. The two
partners were Beijin Centergate Technologies (Holding) Co. and
the Stone Group.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that
brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'
--- Ronnie Shakes  

Live out of your imagination, not your history. 
--- Stephen Covey

A hippy is a guy that looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and
smells like Cheetah.
--- Ronald Reagan 1911-2004
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Confusion is one woman plus one left turn; 
Excitement is two women plus one secret; 
Bedlam is three women plus one lunch check,
Chaos is four women plus one bargain.

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

Thanks to Ginny for this story:
My mother-in-law asked me, "If you hate me so much, 
why is my photograph on the mantle piece?" 

I told her, "To keep the kids away from the fire." 

______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Johnnie Lee Carter, 
29,
Odessa,
Texas

Father charged with beating toddler, 
gluing mouth, eyes shut

A father suspected of gluing shut the eyes and mouth of his 1-
year-old daughter has been arrested in West Texas.

El Paso County records show 29-year-old Johnnie Lee Carter is
being held Wednesday on a charge of injury to a child causing
serious bodily injury.

On Sept. 16, Odessa police called to a domestic disturbance found
the girl with facial injuries and her mouth and eyes glued.
According to an affidavit, the toddler’s mother told police that
Carter choked and punched the girl then applied adhesive. A super
glue stick was found nearby. Carter had fled.

According to Dallas News, an arrest affidavit also showed that
Carter had stuffed a 2-month-old infant underneath a pile of
pillows and blankets.

Carter was arrested Monday at a motel in El Paso by U.S. Marshals
after being on the run for 10 days. He faces extradition to
Odessa, some 270 miles away.





From: Janice
Re: New Yahoo mail rigamarole

Dear DearWebby,
In case anyone else runs into this problem with the "new
improved" Yahoo.  It took a while but I finally figured it out.
I am definitely not a computer guru like you.  I have been
working with this "new and improved" Yahoo since the first of the
year.  

The email that I enjoy had been going directly to "trash".  I
went in opened it and read it before I did anything as I hate to
miss your information.  That was unnecessary but I wanted to be
sure.  I found the "Spam" notation which I had not seen before.
So I marked it "Spam".  It went into the "Spam" folder.  I went
into the "Spam" folder found the "Not Spam" button and clicked
it.   It went into the "Inbox".  I proceded normally after that. 
(Hopefully, it will continue going to the "Inbox".)

I understand why Yahoo is such a mess, too many gurus working on
it.  It is a pain in the toucus to figure out, but it does keep
the old brain cells active.  Maybe that is why I like it.  

Keep up the good work educating.  We need more good honest people
helping.  Thank goodness we have you.  

Sincerely,
Janice

Dear Janice
I tried Yahoo mail, once, briefly, in 1995, for about one day.
Compared to Eudora, which I have been using since about 1992,
Yahoo mail was simply not good enough.

I do have a Yahoo account because some news groups require one to
get access. However, that is the extent of my involvement with
Yahoo, aside from cussing at it whenever they censor mail.

As you probably know, I am one of the originators of Internet
Postcards. At the hayday of postcards there were about half a
million cards sent through our servers on an average day, and
totally insane numbers on Valentines Day and Mothers Day.
With Yahoo censoring cards because Valentines Day Cupids showed
bare naked elbows, and because the cards overloaded Yahoo, I used
to get horrific amounts of complaints from yahoos.

They eased off a bit with the censoring when AliBaba bought Yahoo
and then dumped it off on Verizon for about the same amount as
what the Southern Wall will cost, but there is still way too much
censoring going on. 

Every week a subscriber or two of the Humor letter complains that
Yahoo or SBCglobal has stolen their subscription.
You can see that I am most definitely not a fan of Yahoo.

So I am just pasting your letter as is.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


Only in America 
do we have a general 
in charge of the post office, 
and a secretary in charge of defense. 



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




A soldier went up to the Company Cook and said, "If you
put a lid on the pan there'll be less dust and dirt in
the food".

The cook, very annoyed, replied, "You mind your own
business. Your duty is to defend the homeland!"

"That's right," said the soldier. "But my duty is to
defend it, not to eat it."

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Aphid Repellent Plants 
You can help prevent aphid infestations on your vegetables 
by planting them with plants that repel aphids. Some 
examples are anise, chives, coriander, garlic, onions, 
petunias and radish. Another trick is lay some aluminum 
foil around the base of a plant, the reflection will help 
deter the aphids. 
Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________




The 2019 Harbin Ice and Snow Festival.

___________________________________________________

The new librarian decided that, instead of checking out
children's books 
by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she
would have the youngsters sign their own names.  She would then
tell them that they were signing a "contract" for returning the
books on time. 

Her first customer was a second grader, who looked surprised to
see a new librarian. He brought four books to the desk and shoved
them across to the librarian, giving her his name as he did so. 

The librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them
out. The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and,
with a look of utter disgust on his face, handed them to the
librarian. 

Before the librarian could even start her speech, the boy said, 
disdainfully, "That other librarian we had could write." 

___________________________________________________

Thanks to Irene for this story:
Returning from a trip to visit my grandmother in Canada, I was 
stopped by a state trooper in New York for exceeding the 
speed limit. Grateful to have received a warning instead of a 
ticket, I gave him a small bag of my grandmother's delicious 
chocolate chip cookies and proceeded on my way. 

Later, I was stopped by another trooper. 
"What have I done?" I asked. 

"Nothing," the trooper said, smiling. "I heard you 
were passing out great chocolate chip cookies." 

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


Ending his sermon, a preacher announced that he would preach 
on Noah and the Ark on the following Sunday, and gave the 
scriptural reference for the congregation to read ahead of time. 

A couple of boys noticed something interesting about the 
placement of the story in the Bible.  They slipped into the 
church and glued two pages of the pulpit Bible together. 

The next Sunday, the preacher got up to read his text. 
"Noah took unto himself a wife," he began, "and she was" 
- he turned the page to continue - "three hundred cubits long, 
fifty wide and thirty high." 

He paused, scratched his head, turned the page back, read it 
silently, and turned the page again.  Then he looked up at his 
congregation and said, "I've been reading this old Bible for 
near fifty years, but....this seems to require further study." 

___________________________________________________



Today January 17 in
1377 The Papal See was transferred from Avignon in France back to
Rome. 

1562 French Protestants were recognized under the Edict of St.
Germain. 

1773 Captain Cook's Resolution became the first ship to cross the
Antarctic Circle. 

1852 The independence of the Transvaal Boers was recognized by
Britain. 

1871 Andrew S. Hallidie received a patent for a cable car system.

Cable car systems had been around for thousands of years, but
never patented.

1882 Thomas Edison's exhibit opened the Crystal Palace Exhibition
in London. 

1893 The Kingdom of Hawaii's monarchy was overthrown when a group
of businessmen and sugar planters forced Queen Liliuokalani to
abdicate. 

1900 The U.S. took Wake Island where there was in important cable
link between Hawaii and Manila. 

1900 Yaqui Indians in Texas proclaimed their independence from
Mexico. 

1900 Mormon Brigham Roberts was denied a seat in the U.S. House
of Representatives for his practicing of polygamy. 

1905 Punchboards were patented by a manufacturing firm in
Chicago, IL. 

1912 English explorer Robert Falcon Scott reached the South Pole.
Norwegian Roald Amundsen had beaten him there by one month. Scott
and his party died during the return trip. 

1913 All partner interests in 36 Golden Rule Stores were
consolidated and incorporated in Utah into one company. The new
corporation was the J.C. Penney Company. 

1928 The fully automatic film-developing machine was patented by
A.M. Josepho. 

1934 Ferdinand Porsche submitted a design for a people's car, a
"Volkswagen," to the new German Reich government. 

1945 Soviet and Polish forces liberated Warsaw at the end of
World War II. 

1945 Swedish diplomat Raoul Wallenberg disappeared in Hungary
while in Soviet custody. Wallenberg was credited with saving tens
of thousands of Jews. 

1946 The United Nations Security Council held its first meeting. 

1959 Senegal and the French Sudan joined to form the Federal
State of Mali. 

1966 A B-52 carrying four H-bombs collided with a refuelling
tanker. The bombs were released and eight crewmembers were
killed. 

1977 Double murderer Gary Gilmore became the first to be executed
in the U.S. in a decade. The firing squad took place at Utah
State Prison. 

1991 Coalition airstrikes began against Iraq after negotiations
failed to get Iraq to retreat from the country of Kuwait. 

1992 An IRA bomb, placed next to a remote country road in County
Tyrone, Northern Ireland, killed seven building workers and
injured seven others. 

1994 The Northridge earthquake rocked Los Angeles, CA,
registering a 6.7 on the Richter Scale. At least 61 people were
killed and about $20 billion in damage was caused. 

1995 More than 6,000 people were killed when an earthquake with a
magnitude of 7.2 devastated the city of Kobe, Japan. 

1997 A court in Ireland granted the first divorce in the Roman
Catholic country's history. 

1997 Israel gave over 80% of Hebron to Palestinian rule, but held
the remainder where several hundred Jewish settlers lived among
20,000 Palestinians. 

1998 U.S. President Clinton gave his deposition in the Paula
Jones sexual harassment lawsuit against him. He was the first
U.S. President to testify as a defendant in a criminal or civil
lawsuit. 

2000 British pharmaceutical companies Glaxo Wellcome PLC and
SmithKline Beecham PLC agreed to a merger that created the
world's largest drugmaker. 

2001 Congo's President Laurent Kabila was shot and killed during
a coup attempt. Congolese officials temporarily placed Kabila's
son in charge of the government. 

2001 The director of Palestinian TV, Hisham Miki, was killed at a
restaurant when three masked gunmen walked up to his table and
shot him more than 10 times. 

2002 It was announced that Microsoft had signed a joint venture
agreement to produce software with two partners in China. The two
partners were Beijin Centergate Technologies (Holding) Co. and
the Stone Group.

2018  smiled.






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MS Office Requirement in school 
Wednesday, January 16, 2019, 08:46 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, January 16

Facebook saboteurs at Microsoft murdered the old Skype.

Since MS paid twice as much for Skype as Halliburton plans to
charge for the Southern Wall, they figured they can murder the
old, compact skype and force everybody to use the space wasting
Yuppie Skype.
I will be searching for a skin with a compact look. If you find
one, please tell me!

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Tennessee mom put 8-month-old baby in 
neighbor's unused outdoor freezer

______________________________________________________
Today, January 16 in
1920 Prohibition went into effect in the U.S. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
[info][add][mail][note]Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965)

Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender 
look which becomes a habit. 
--- Peter Ustinov

A little nonsense now and then, is relished by the wisest men.
--- Socratex
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Doc for this classic:
Rick, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview
for a good paying job. The company boss asked various
questions about him and his education, but then asked him,
"What is three times seven?"

"Twenty-two," Rick replied. After he left, he double-checked
it on his calculator (he *knew* he should have taken it to
the interview!) and realized he wouldn't get the job.

About two weeks later, Rick got a letter that said he was
hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in
the mouth, but he was still very curious. The next day, he
went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got
such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said,

"Well, you were the closest."

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

Anni wanted a divorce from Sam.  The judge asked,
"What fault do you find with your husband?"

"Your Honor, he's a liar, a brute, a thief and a
brainless idiot."

"That's very serious," exclaimed his Honor, "Can
you prove all that?"

"Prove it? Why everybody knows it."

"If you knew all this, then why did you marry him?"

"I didn't know it before I married him."

Sam shouted out, "She did too!"

______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Brittany C. Smith, 
19, 
Johnson City, 
Tennessee

Tennessee mom put 8-month-old baby in 
neighbor's unused outdoor freezer, 
closed lid

A Tennessee mom is facing a child abuse charge after deputies
said she put her baby in a backyard freezer on someone else's
property.

According to WJHL-TV, Brittany C. Smith, 19, of Johnson City, was
arrested Jan. 3 after a resident saw her with the baby near the
outdoor freezer, authorities said. Witnesses said they found
Smith alone in a crawlspace and the 8-month-old in the freezer,
which had a closed lid and "about an inch of water in the
bottom," the news station reported.

The condition of the baby, who was hospitalized, was not
immediately known, WJHL reported.

Smith was charged with child abuse and neglect, burglary and a
probation violation, according to the Washington County Sheriff's
Office.





From: Rea
Re: MS Office Requirement in school

Dear DearWebby,
At my daughter's school they are requiring kids to buy or rent
Microsoft Office and claim that industry and commerce use MS
Office and not "hundreds of different wannabe programs".
Obviously she has been bribed by the local MS seller and has no
clue about reality. At the place I work, for example, we have
used Office Libre for years. It works just fine, and I don't give
hiring preferences to people, who are limited to MS Office.
I prefer people, who can get the work done and who don't waste
time whining about poor Microsoft.

What do you think I should do about my daughter?
Rea

Dear Rea
You can make a stink in the local paper. Most likely a lot of
parents will feel the same as you.

You can also tell your daughter to just save her work in
Microsoft format. She can do the work in Libre format and then
save it as Microsoft Word and Microsoft Excel, etc.
That way she learns in the way industry and commerce works, but
to her teacher it looks as if she had paid for Microsoft office.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

Dentist to Patient: "Would you help me out? I'd like you to
give a few of your loudest screams?"

Patient: "Why, Doc? I didn't feel a thing!"

Dentist: "I know, but there are so many people in the waiting
room right now and I don't want to miss the five o'clock foot-
ball game."


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




My friend, an ex-Marine Aviator wanted to show off his 
new twin-engine plane. I was riding along as he put it 
through its paces. 
Suddenly, we were caught in a violent thunderstorm, with 
lightning crashing all around us. Next, we lost the radio and 
most of the instruments.

As we were being tossed around in the sky, George said, 
"Uh-oh!" 

Fearing the worst, I asked, "What's wrong now?"

George replied, "I got the hiccups. Do something to scare me." 

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Saucer Decoupage Picture Frame 
If you any have saucers without a cup, you can cut a family 
picture to fit in the center of the saucer. Glue the picture to 
the saucer and decorate around the picture. Let it dry and 
then give it a coating of decoupage. Let that dry and apply 
a second coating. 
Thriftyfun.com
Cheap spar varnish, the type of varnish
that is mopped onto hardwood decks of boats, will work fine too.
It is not quite as clear as expensive decoupage, but extremely
durable.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


____________________________________________________





These wire sculptures are amazing!

___________________________________________________

Thanks to Scorpio for this story:
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.    
     
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says :     
'If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends'. 

___________________________________________________

They do it differently in Scottland!
Angus McKenzie comes home and finds his wife
in bed with his friend. He shoots his wife.

Later, at the pub, his friends ask him why he did that.
His reply was, "I can budget one bullet, but I got a lot
more friends than I want to buy bullets for."

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


Grammar Teacher: "Do you know the importance of a period?" 

Little Johnny: "Yeah, once my sister said she had missed one, 
my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack, the preacher ran
off to a mission in Africa and the neighbor's wife shot him."

___________________________________________________



Today January 16 in
1547 Ivan the Terrible was crowned Czar of Russia. 

1572 The Duke of Norfolk was tried for treason for complicity in
the Ridolfi plot to restore Catholicism in England. He was
executed on June 2. 

1809 The British defeated the French at the Battle of Corunna, in
the Peninsular War. 

1866 Mr. Everett Barney patented the metal screw, clamp skate. 

1896 The first five-player college basketball game was played at
Iowa City, IA. 

1900 The U.S. Senate consented to the Anglo-German treaty of
1899, by which the U.K. renounced rights to the Samoan islands. 

1919 The 18th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which
prohibited the sale or transportation of alcoholic beverages, was
ratified. It was later repealed by the 21st Amendment. 

1920 Prohibition went into effect in the U.S. 

1925 Leon Trotsky was dismissed as Chairman of the Revolutionary
Council of the USSR. 

1944 General Dwight D. Eisenhower took command of the Allied
invasion force in London. 

z 1970 Colonel Muammar el-Quaddafi became virtual president of
Libya. 

1970 Buckminster Fuller, the designer of the geodesic dome, was
awarded the Gold Medal of the American Institute of Architects.
Millions of hippies built a dome and came to the conclusion that
it was interesting, but rather useless.

1979 The Shah of Iran and his family fled Iran for Egypt. 

1982 Britain and the Vatican resumed full diplomatic relations
after a break of over 400 years. 

1985 "Playboy" magazine announced its 30-year tradition of
stapling centerfold models in the bellybutton and elsewhere would
come to an immediate end. 

1988 Jimmy "The Greek" Snyder was fired as a CBS sports
commentator one day after telling a TV station in Washington, DC,
that, during the era of slavery, blacks had been bred to produce
stronger offspring. 

1998 Researchers announce that an altered gene helped to defend
against HIV. 

1991 The White House announced the start of Operation Desert
Storm. The operation was designed to drive Iraqi forces out of
Kuwait. 

1992 Officials of the government of El Salvador and rebel leaders
signed a pact in Mexico City ending 12 years of civil war. At
least 75,000 people were killed during the fighting. 

1998 The first woman to enroll at Virginia Military Institute
withdrew from the school. 

1998 NASA officially announced that John Glenn would fly aboard
the space shuttle Discovery in October. 

1998 It was announced that Texas would receive $15.3 billion in a
tobacco industry settlement. The payouts were planned to take
place over 25 years. 

1998 Three federal judges secretly granted Kenneth Starr
authority to probe whether U.S. President Clinton or Vernon
Jordan urged Monica Lewinsky to lie about her relationship with
Clinton. 

2002 U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft announced that John
Walker Lindh would be brought to the United States to face trial.
He was charged in U.S. District Court in Alexandria, VA, with
conspiracy to kill U.S. citizens, providing support to terrorist
organizations, and engaging in prohibited transactions with the
Taliban of Afghanistan. 

2002 The U.N. Security Council unanimously adopted sanctions
against Osama bin Laden, his terror network and the remnants of
the Taliban. The sanctions required that all nations impose arms
embargoes and freeze their finances. 

2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 500 million applications
downloaded.

2018  smiled.





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Open \ Libre Office compatibility with Word 
Tuesday, January 15, 2019, 11:40 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, January 15


Today's Bonehead Award: 
2 women arrested after stealing 
during ‘Shop with a Cop’ event

______________________________________________________
Today, January 15 in
1973 U.S. President Nixon announced the suspension of all U.S.
offensive action in North Vietnam. He cited progress in peace
negotiations as the reason. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
--- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
______________________________________________________
No one gossips about other people's secret virtues.
--- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)  

It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a
depression when you lose yours.
--- Harry S Truman (1884 - 1972)

As you journey through life take a minute every now and then 
to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting 
something.
--- Hagar the Horrible
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Vicky for this story:
I had run across the term cyber sex a few times lately,
so I decided to try to figure out what it meant.  I figured
it had something to do with the computer, so I tried to
find the sex drive on mine.

I looked everywhere, in all the folders on My Computer,
the Add/Uninstall software, install hardware part of the
control panel, then I got out all the manuals and went
through them.

I finally came to the conclusion that my computer is not
equipped with one.

So I decided to go to the computer store to see if I
could buy one.

Well, the salesperson in the first store was a rather stern
looking woman.  I gave her the make and model of my
computer and asked her if she had any sex drives in stock.
She kinda scowled at me and asked if I was trying to get
smart with her.  Then she said, rather rudely I thought,
that she could not help me and walked away.

Huh, must not have had any in stock.

In the second store, the salesguy kind of sniggered and
asked if I meant a hard drive.  I thought about it for a
minute and told him, 'Yeah, maybe that, but I think I
already have one installed'.  He started laughing and
said something about me killing him. 'You're killing me'
-- like that, and walked away.

Hmmm, must be out of stock here, too.

The guy in the third store laughed and asked me if I'd
fallen off the turnip truck.  I assured him I'd never
been on a turnip truck but I had fallen off the wagon
a few times.  He said that explains it and walked away
laughing.

The guy in the fourth store said something like 'idiot'
under his breath and walked away.

Anyway, I figured they must not carry them in stores,
maybe I have to order from a catalogue or something.

That's where I am now.

So, if any of you have some computer skills and could
help me locate my sex drive, I would appreciate it.
Vicky
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband
was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap.
I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey,"
I said sweetly, "Without your glasses, you look like the
same handsome young man I married."
"Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses,
you still look pretty good too!"

______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

40-year-old Keiana Wilson 
18-year-old Dana Johnson.
Keego Harbor,
Michigan


2 women arrested after stealing 
during ‘Shop with a Cop’ event

Police have arrested two women accused of stealing from a
Michigan department store with officers just feet away.

Keego Harbor Police said officers from four different departments
were participating in a Shop with a Cop event at a Target, where
they took 22 disadvantaged people Christmas shopping.

However, while they were shopping, officers said, they were
notified that two women were accused of trying to steal $1,900 in
electronics.

“The loss prevention (officers) actually apprehended them, then
they asked for police assistance,” Sylvan Lake Police Sgt.
Michael Mondeau told the Detroit Free Press. “The police officers
were only about 20 feet away when they tried to walk out of the
store.”

Officers arrested the two women, identified as 40-year-old Keiana
Wilson and 18-year-old Dana Johnson.

The two women appeared in court and bond was set at $250,000 for
Johnson and $20,000 for Wilson





From: Ron
Re: Libre Office Compatibility

Dear DearWebby,
Does Libre/Open Office work with Word o.k., opening attachments,
and documents? Thank you for suggesting it.
Ron

Dear William
Dear Ron
yes, sure! It goes even further than WORD.
You can make PDF files without having to shell out big bucks
for Adobe.

You can even pick up an MS-WORD doc,
open it with OpenOffice and save it as a PDF file.
Not everybody is stuck in the MS-Mud !

With more and more companies upgrading from MS-Office
to Open Office or Star Office (Open office + Support  package
provided by SUN), the schools are again at the same spot
where they were a dozen years ago, when they finally realized
that very few of the students would encounter a school type
Mac computer in real life after school.

For industry and commerce the future is quite clear. Are you
going to pay $500 + per seat for MS-Office, or get 15% MORE
horsepower from Libre/Open Office for free ?

For a 1000 employee company, that is a half Million Dollar
question with a very predictable answer.

Just like MS-Office has it's quirks and peculiarities, so does
Open office. The switch is not quite "Same stuff, different
color",
but requires about the same amount of learning and adjusting
as a version upgrade while staying with the same program.
That is definitely no deterrent to switching.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

A wild-eyed man dressed like Napoleon with his right hand 
inside his coat entered the psychiatrist's office and nervously 
exclaimed, "Doctor, I need your help right away."

"I can see that. Lie down on the couch and tell me about your 
problem."

"I don't have a problem. In fact, as Emperor of France, I have 
everything I could possibly want. Money, women, power, 
everything! But I'm afraid my wife, Josephine, is in deep 
mental trouble."

"I see," said the doctor. "And what seems to be her problem?" 

"For some strange reason, she thinks she's Mrs. Schwartz." 



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Bubba and Clem find three hand grenades and decide to take them
to the police station. "What if one of them explodes before we
get there?" asks Clem.

"Don't worry about it," says Bubba. "We'll just lie and tell them
we only found two."

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Spices and Seasoning
One of the keys to cooking from scratch is having a good
supply of quality spices. Keep an eye open for sales or
buy spices in large containers from a warehouse store
or by weight in some health stores and refill your spice
bottles.
Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________





This is your Daily Dose of internet.

___________________________________________________

A middle-aged executive was becoming increasingly irritated by
the constant ribbing he was taking from the junior employees who
couldn't resist making fun of his baldness.

One morning, a particularly brash trainee had the gall to run his
hand across the older man's gleaming head while loudly
exclaiming: "Feels just like my wife's butt."

With a look of genuine curiosity, the aging executive rubbed his
hand across his head.
"You're right," he said, "it does!"

___________________________________________________

You've got to know about Skoal to appreciate this one.  For
non-cowboy types..the container for this 'snuff' is a 3"
diameter, 3/4 inch thick round can, and the cowboy carries it in
his back jean pocket)

Prior to her trip to Texas, Buffy (a New Yorker) confided to her
sorority sisters she had three goals for her trip to the Lone
Star State.  She wanted to taste some real Western Bar-B-Que,
take in a bona fide rodeo, and have sex with a real cowboy. Upon
her return, her sorority sisters were curious as to how she
fared.

"Let me tell you, they have a tree down there called a Mesquite
and when they slow cook that brisket over that Mesquite, it's oh
so good.  The taste is unbelievable!

And, I went to a real rodeo...Talk about athletes! Those guys
wrestle full grown bulls!  They ride horses at a full gallup then
jump off the horses and grab the bulls by the horns and throw
them to the ground! It is just incredible!"

They then asked, "Well, come on, tell us, did you have sex with
a real cowboy?

"Are you kidding?  Once I saw the outline of the condom they
carry in the back pocket of their jeans, I changed my mind!"

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


While on leave, my Marine buddy and I met two nursing   
students from Southern California. After chatting them   
up awhile, the conversation turned to what we did in the   
service. When we told them we were in the infantry, the   
girls seemed very impressed, giving us big smiles as they   
told us how sweet that was.   

Since infantry and sweet are seldom used in the same sen-   
tence, I was a little confused. Until, that is, one of the   
girls said, "We admire any man who works with infants."   

___________________________________________________



Today January 15 in
1559 England's Queen Elizabeth I (Elizabeth Tudor) was crowned in
Westminster Abbey. 

1624 Many riots occurred in Mexico when it was announced that all
churches were to be closed. 

1777 The people of New Connecticut (now the state of Vermont)
declared their independence. 

1863 "The Boston Morning Journal" became the first paper in the
U.S. to be published on wood pulp paper. 

1870 A cartoon by Thomas Nast titled "A Live Jackass Kicking a
Dead Lion" appeared in "Harper's Weekly." The cartoon used the
donkey to symbolize the Democratic Party for the first time. 

1892 "Triangle" magazine in Springfield, MA, published the rules
for a brand new game. The original rules involved attaching a
peach baskets to a suspended board. It is now known as
basketball. 

1913 The first telephone line between Berlin and New York was
inaugurated. 

1936 The first, all glass, windowless building was completed in
Toledo, OH. The building was the new home of the Owens-Illinois
Glass Company Laboratory. 

1943 The Pentagon was dedicated as the world's largest office
building just outside Washington, DC, in Arlington, VA. The
structure covers 34 acres of land and has 17 miles of corridors. 

1955 The first American solar-heated, radiation-cooled house was
built by Raymond Bliss in Tucson, AZ. 

1973 U.S. President Nixon announced the suspension of all U.S.
offensive action in North Vietnam. He cited progress in peace
negotiations as the reason. 

1986 President Reagan signed legislation making Martin Luther
King, Jr.'s birthday a national holiday to be celebrated on the
third Monday of January. 

1987 Paramount Home Video reported that it would place a
commercial at the front of one of its video releases for the
first time. It was a 30-second Diet Pepsi ad at the beginning of
"Top Gun." 

2001 Wikipedia was launched. 

2003 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the U.S. Congress had
permission to repeatedly extend copyright protection. 

2006 NASA's Stardust space probe mission was completed when it's
sample return capsule returned to Earth with comet dust from
comet Wild 2. 

2018  smiled.





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Page hijackers 
Monday, January 14, 2019, 11:19 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, January 14


Today's Bonehead Award: 
Fake pastor carrying drug-filled 
Bible visited jail. Got to stay.

______________________________________________________
Today, January 14 in
1784 The United States ratified a peace treaty with 
England ending the Revolutionary War. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
--- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
______________________________________________________

Thanks to Sandie for this keen insight:
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman: 
Before marriage 
and 
After marriage. 

________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. 
Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had 
slipped into the express lane check-out line pushing a cart
 piled high with groceries. 
 
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman 
to come forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, 
'So which six items would you like to buy?' 

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

Maybe this is why they don't teach music in high school   
any more. Following are actual answers from students on   
music tests.

- The principal singer of nineteenth century opera was   
called pre-Madonna.   

- Gregorian chant has no music, just singers singing the   
same lines.   

- Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony.   

- All female parts were sung by castrati. We don't know ex-   
actly what they sounded like because there are no known   
descendants.   

- Young scholars have expressed their rapture for the Bronze   
Lullaby, the Taco Bell Cannon, Beethoven's Erotica,   
Tchaikovsky Cracknutter Suite, and Gershwin's Rap City in   
Blue.   

- Music sung by two people at the same time is called a   
duel; if they sing without music it is called Acapulco.   

- A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.   

- Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies sing.   

- Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one between the   
Hatfields and the McCoys.   

- I know what a sextet is but I'd rather not say.   

- Johann Sebastian Bach wrote a great many musical com-   
positions and had a large number of children. In between he   
practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic.   

- Rock Monanoff was a famous post-romantic composer of piano   
concerti. 

______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

James A. Morman III,
28,
Laurinburg, 
N.C

Fake pastor carrying drug-filled 
Bible visited jail. Got to stay.

Authorities say a man posing as a pastor tried to smuggle drugs
into a North Carolina jail by hiding them in a Bible.

News outlets cite a Facebook post from the Scotland County
Detective Division that says 28-year-old James A. Morman III
visited the Scotland County jail on Dec. 31 in the guise of a
minister.

A search of the Bible he toted revealed Suboxone strips inside.

Authorities then conducted a sweep of the entire detention
facility, and a number of illegal substances and contraband were
located. It’s unclear whether Morman had visited the jail before
with other drug-filled Bibles.

Morman and jail inmate Bryson Brown have been charged in
connection with the operation. Authorities say additional charges
are expected.



While my brother was stationed overseas, his wife wrote to   
him daily. For an added touch, she'd always scribble little   
abbreviated notes on the outside of the envelope.   

One day my brother received a letter with the familiar "SWL"   
(sealed with love) message on the envelope. He noticed that   
the letter was sealed with tape and chuckled when he read   
this notation written by a postal employee: 
"Love didn't stick--resealed in Seattle."  


From: William
Re: Page Hijacker

Dear DearWebby,
I have problem with an exe file. When I attempt to go to a 
website off of Google , it directs me to a porn site. How do 
I rid myself of this executable? I've tried to remove it but it 
says that it is in use.
 
Thanks
William

Dear William
Your machine is infected with malware, a hijacker.
Possibly you agreed to it in the small print of something 
you installed. Once you have agreed to it, as a form of 
payment for something you received.

Spybot is not legally allowed to remove it. The courts 
consider it a negotiated and agreed form of payment, 
owed to the company from whom you got something or other.

There are probably some guerilla methods for getting rid of 
that page hijacker, but without knowing the name of it, it is 
impossible to guess which one you sold your soul to. There are 
way too many page hijackers floating around.

Try MalwareBytes.
Even the free trial will probably clean up your machine quite
nicely.

In the meantime, use the Chinese Maxthon browser. It 
resists a lot of the hijackers.

Also keep in mind that if you use Ad Blockers, some sites
retaliate and send you off to unexpected sites.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

A high school teacher arrived late for class to find a most
uncomplimentary drawing of himself on the blackboard. Fuming,
he asked the class, "Who is responsible for this atrocity?!"

The class clown won tremendous prestige among his peers by
answering, "I really don't know, but I strongly suspect his
parents."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




It was nearly 7 o'clock when an employee walked into a restaurant 
after working overtime for a demanding and demeaning supervisor.

As he was being led to his table, he noticed his supervisor at 
another table arguing with the waiter about his order. Finally, 
the waiter turned and headed toward the bar.

As he was returning to the supervisor's table with a drink, 
the employee stopped him saying, "Here's $20.00 in it if you 
will spit in that drink."

With a somewhat puzzled look, the waiter replied, "Again?"

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Use ATMs During The Day 
Limit your risk of being robbed by avoiding ATM or cash 
machines at night. If you have to use an ATM at night, 
find one in a well lit, well traveled area. People walking 
away from an ATM are particularly vulnerable because 
criminals know that they have cash. 
Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________





The Life and Times of Brighty, the Grand Canyon’s Most Legendary Burro

___________________________________________________

Against his better judgment, the big game hunter is talked into
taking both his wife AND her mother along on one of his
expeditions.

It does not go well. The mother-in-law is, if anything, harder to
get along with in the wilds than she was in the city. And to
make
matters worse, she won't even abide by the simple camp rules
designed to keep the safari safe.

One night after dinner, the hunter's wife realizes her mother
is missing. Panicked, she rushes to her husband and begs him to
institute a search.

He sighs, and together they set out. But before they've gone far,
they hear throaty growling. Soon they come upon a small clearing
in which the mother-in-law stands, backed up against thick,
seemingly impenetrable jungle brush, and facing a huge male lion.

The wife whispers urgently, "What are we going to do?"

"Nothing whatever," responds her husband. "Lions are pretty
tough. The lion got himself into this mess, now let him get
himself out of it."

___________________________________________________

Jim was just falling off to sleep when his wife nudged him 
and said the telephone was ringing. At this hour it was 
probably for him, she said, closing her eyes. Jim rolled 
out of bed and trundled downstairs. 

When he returned, his wife was asleep. He woke her. 
"Wasn't for me, after all," he said. 

She crawled out of bed and pulled on a robe.

Then he added, "It was a wrong number."

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, "You know, I
just can't seem to get a tender missionary. I've baked 'em, I've
roasted 'em, I've stewed 'em, I've barbequed 'em, I've even tried
every sort of marinade. I just cannot seem to get them tender."

The second cannibal asks, "What kind of missionary do you use?"
The other replied, "You know, the ones that hang out at that
place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with
a rope around the waist and their sort of bald on top with a
funny ring of hair on their heads." 

"Ah ha!" he replies. "No wonder.. those are friars!"

___________________________________________________



Today January 14 in
1784 The United States ratified a peace treaty with England
ending the Revolutionary War. 

1873 John Hyatt's 1869 invention ‘Celluloid’ was registered as a
trademark. 

1878 Alexander Graham Bell demonstrated the telephone for
Britain's Queen Victoria. 

1882 The Myopia Hunt Club, in Winchester, MA, became the first
country club in the United States. 

1907 An earthquake killed over 1,000 people in Kingston, Jamaica.


1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first U.S.
President to fly in an airplane while in office. He flew from
Miami, FL, to French Morocco where he met with British Prime
Minister Winston Churchill to discuss World War II. 

1953 Josip Broz Tito was elected president of Yugoslavia by the
country's Parliament. 

1954 Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were married. The marriage
only lasted nine months. 

1954 The Hudson Motor Car Company merged with Nash-Kelvinator.
The new company was called the American Motors Corporation. 

1969 An explosion aboard the U.S. aircraft carrier Enterprise off
Hawaii killed 25 crew members. 

1985 Martina Navratilova won her 100th tournament. She joined
Jimmy Connors and Chris Evert Lloyd as the only professional
tennis players to win 100 tournaments. 

1986 "Rambo: First Blood, Part II" arrived at video stores. It
broke the record set by "Ghostbusters", for first day orders.
435,000 copies of the video were sold. 

1994 U.S. President Clinton and Russian President Boris Yeltsin
signed Kremlin accords to stop aiming missiles at any nation and
to dismantle the nuclear arsenal of Ukraine. 

1996 Jorge Sampaio was elected president of Portugal. 

1996 Juan Garcia Abrego was arrested by Mexican agents. The
alleged drug lord was handed over to the FBI the next day. 

1998 Whitewater prosecutors questioned Hillary Rodham Clinton at
the White House for 10 minutes about the gathering of FBI
background files on past Republican political appointees. 

1998 In Dallas, researchers report an enzyme that slows the aging
process and cell death. 

1999 The impeachment trial of U.S. President Clinton began in
Washington, DC. 

1999 The U.S. proposed the lifting of the U.N. ceilings on the
sale of oil in Iraq. The restriction being that the money be used
to buy medicine and food for the Iraqi people. 

2000 A U.N. tribunal sentenced five Bosnian Croats to up to 25
years for the 1993 massacre of over 100 Muslims in a Bosnian
village. 

2004 In St. Louis, a Lewis and Clark Exhibition opened at the
Missouri History Museum. The exhibit featured 500 rare and
priceless objects used by the Corps of Discovery. 

2005 A probe, from the Cassini-Huygens mission, sent back
pictures during and after landing on Saturn's moon Titan. The
mission was launched on October 15, 1997.

2018  smiled.






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What is UBE? 
Sunday, January 13, 2019, 11:32 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, January 13


Today's Bonehead Award: 
Floriduh woman breaks into police station, 
eats officer’s lunch, forgets her ID there

______________________________________________________
Today, January 13 in
1942 Henry Ford patented the plastic automobile referred to as
the "Soybean Car." The car was 30% lighter than the average car.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



Some have been thought brave 
because they were afraid to run away. 
--- Thomas Fuller (1608 - 1661) 

Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?
--- James Thurber
______________________________________________________

This guy's in the rear of a full elevator and he shouts,
"Ballroom please."

A lady standing in front of him turns around and says, "I'm
sorry, I didn't realize I was crowding you."

________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

AUNT KAREN is the mother of two high-spirited young girls.
When I called her one morning, our conversation was constantly
interrupted by the din of kids screaming and chasing each other.
"Could you hold on for a moment?" my aunt finally asked, putting
down the phone. Within ten seconds all I could hear was absolute
silence. Then, "Okay, I'm back." 

"But it's so quiet!" I exclaimed.
"You must have complete control over those two." 

"Not really," my aunt confessed wearily. "I'm in the closet."

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

IN THE veterinary office where I'm a technician, we mail out
reminders when pets are due for vaccinations. Bruno, a German
shepherd, arrived for his annual rabies shot, and we were
required by state law to ask his owner if Bruno had bitten anyone
in the last ten days. "Oh yes, in fact that's why we're here,"
she replied.

Surprised, I told her we assumed they'd come in because of our
reminder. "We did," she explained. "Bruno bit the mail carrier
who was delivering your card."

______________________________________________________



Do I hear a can opener?
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Yvelande Jean-Pierre
29,
Boynton Beach,
FloriDUH


Floriduh woman breaks into police station, 
eats officer’s lunch, forgets her ID there

 Many of us have had to deal with a co-worker eating our food at
work, but what about a burglar doing it?

Boynton Beach police arrested 29-year-old Yvelande Jean-Pierre,
Wednesday for just that.

1st mistake - breaking into our substation. 2nd - eating Agent
Berben's chicken & asparagus. 3rd - leaving her ID behind. Today,
we charged Yvelande Jean-Pierre w/burglary to an unoccupied
structure, theft & criminal mischief. 

According to police, Jean-Pierre broke into a substation and
stole two pre-made meals belonging to an officer from the
refrigerator.

She actually warmed one up and ate it.

Upon finding the scene the next day, detectives discovered Jean-
Pierre left her ID behind. Police also said Jean-Pierre was
caught on surveillance video.

Jean-Pierre has since been charged with burglary, theft and
criminal mischief.







From: Angel
Re: UBE

Dear DearWebby,
What is this all about?

Subject: Considered UNSOLICITED BULK EMAIL, apparently from you
From: "Content-filter at spamwall19.mweb.co.za"

Date: Wed, 20 Feb 2008 11:07:48 +0200 (SAST)
X-Virus-Scanned: ClamAV using ClamSMTP

A message from  to:
-> .......@mweb.co.za
was considered unsolicited bulk e-mail (UBE).
Angel

Dear Angel
The NOI  (Ninjas Of Ineptitude) at mweb.co.za censored your 
subscription, probably because it had educational content.

Please tell the NOI to whitelist humor@webby.com, because 
the subject line and the Tech Support Pits column frequently 
have educational information about avoiding undesired email 
or software. 

Try to use small words and explain to them, that mail, which 
is about how to avoid bad stuff, is not bad stuff.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


I had put in an 18-hour day at work and was upset to find my
four-year-old Zack asleep in bed with my husband when I got home.
Zack squirms so much it is impossible to get a decent night's
sleep when he is with us. Exhausted, I collapsed into his bed
instead, where I slept better than I had in years.

The next morning, I asked my husband, "Why was Zack in bed
with you?"
       
"Oh," he replied, shrugging, "he wet his bed, and I was too tired
to change his sheets."




If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




"Get this." said a guy to his friends, "Last night, while I was
down at the bar with you guys, a burglar broke into my house.
         
"Did he get anything?" his friends asked.
         
The guy said, "Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out,
and a pair of broken ribs."

One of his friends ask, "How'd that happen?"

The guy answered, "Well, it was really late at night and my
wife thought it was me coming home drunk."

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Lay Outfits Out the Night Before
If they get into the habit of laying out their outfit the
 night before it will make the mornings less stressful 
 and help keep their room organized. For younger 
 children, lay their outfit out for them. 
Thriftyfun.com


____________________________________________________






People are Awesome!  Best of the week.

___________________________________________________

Wife: "I'm going to try something new this summer with the
dog and kids."
        
Husband: "What"s that?"
        
Wife: "I'm sending the dog to camp and the kids to obedience
school."

___________________________________________________

1. Energizer Bunny Arrested & Charged with Battery.

2. A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

3. Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.

4. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your
mother.

5. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

6. Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

7. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

8. Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

9. Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

10. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

11. A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

12. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

13. A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

14. Without geometry, life is pointless.

15. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

16. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


Thanks to Rubye for this story:
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high
school reunion and I kept staring at a drunken lady
swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," I sighed. "She was my old girlfriend. I
understand she took to drinking right after we split
up those many years ago, and I hear she has not been
sober since."

"My God!" said my wife. "Who would think a person
could go on celebrating that long?"

___________________________________________________



Today January 13 in
1128 Pope Honorius II granted a papal sanction to the military
order known as the Knights Templar. He declared it to be an army
of God. 

1854 Anthony Faas of Philadelphia, PA, was granted the first U.S.
patent for the accordion. He made improvements to the keyboard
and enhanced the sound. 

1898 Emile Zola's "J'accuse" was published in Paris. 

1900 In Austria-Hungary, Emperor Franz Joseph decreed that German
would be the language of the imperial army to combat Czech
nationalism. 

1906 Hugh Gernsback, of the Electro Importing Company, advertised
radio receivers for sale for the price of just $7.50 in
"Scientific American" magazine. 

1928 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson gave the first public demonstration
of television. 

1942 Henry Ford patented the plastic automobile referred to as
the "Soybean Car." The car was 30% lighter than the average car. 

1984 Wayne Gretzky extended his NHL consecutive scoring streak to
45 games. 

1992 Japan apologized for forcing tens of thousands of Korean
women to serve as sex slaves for Japanese soldiers during World
War II. 

1998 ABC and ESPN negotiated to keep "Monday Night Football" for
$1.15 billion a season. 

2002 Japan and Singapore signed a free trade pact that would
remove tariffs on almost all goods traded between the two
countries. 

2002 U.S. President George W. Bush fainted after choking on a
pretzel. 

2009 Ethiopian military forces began pulling out of Somalia,
where they had tried to maintain order for nearly two years. 

2018  smiled.






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