Monday, November 12, 2012, 09:49 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, November 12
Remembrance Day Stat Holiday
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die,
your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
--- George Carlin
If you watch a game, it's fun.
If you play at it, it's recreation.
If you work at it, it's golf.
--- Bob Hope
>From Bess
I couldn't decide whether to go to Salt Lake City or Denver
for vacation, so I called the airlines to get prices. "Air-
fare to Denver is $300," said a cheery salesperson.
"And what about Salt Lake City?"
"We have a really great rate to Salt Lake--$99.00, but there
is a stopover, where you have to change planes."
"Where?" I asked.
"Denver."
"Hmmm, that is good to know!"
A porter loaded down with suitcases followed the
couple to the airline check-in counter.
As they approached the line, the husband glanced at
the pile of luggage and said to the wife, "Why didn't
you bring the piano, too?"
"Are you trying to be funny?" she replied.
"No, I really wish you had" he sighed. "I left the
tickets on it."
Number 1 Site For Background Checks: 360
The secret of professionals, now available to YOU!
Check out anybody you want with 360!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop
before a giant puddle covering the entire road.
Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a
farmer leaning on a fence. "Think it's safe to
cross?" the man asked.
"I guess so," replied the farmer.
The car was immediately swallowed by the puddle as
the man drove in. In fact, it was so deep that he had to
roll his window down to swim out of his car back to
the surface.
As his head broke the surface the man said to the
farmer, "I thought you said I could safely drive
through this puddle!"
"Well, golly!" said the farmer, scratching his head.
"It only comes up chest-high on my ducks!"
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Denise Colon, 27, in Nashville, Tennessee
Shoplifter attacked staff with screwdriver, car
Reported by the Weekly Vice
Denise Colon, a 27-year-old Nashville woman was jailed
Saturday after she allegedly shoplifted from a local Walmart,
then stabbed one employee with a screwdriver and ran into
another employee with her car while fleeing the scene.
According to Nashville police, a Walmart employee attempted
to stop Colon after she tried to walk out of the store with
approximately $100 worth of stolen merchandise.
Colon retaliated by stabbing the employee with a screwdriver
before fleeing to the parking lot where her car was parked.
When a second employee followed Colon to her car,
Colon jumped into the vehicle and backed it into the
employee. The employee that received a stab wound was
treated at a local hospital for non-life threatening injuries.
Court records show that this is not Colon's first run-in
with the law. In 2011, she was arrested after she allegedly
left a baby at a local Target retail store. The baby did not
belong to Colon, and the child's mother claimed that she had
nothing to do with the incident.
According to state records, Colon has been arrested for
shoplifting on numerous occasions. She was booked into jail
and charged with theft and aggravated assault.
Tech Support Pits
None of the usual Windows 7 defenders, who usually accuse
me of not reading the instructions and just badmouthing
Microsoft's latest and greatest, have written with any solution
to the Windows 7 Phantom Drive problem.
From: Christin
Re: Printing booklets
Dear Webby,
Is there a formula for sorting the page numbers of booklets?
I want to print them 4 pages to a sheet, 2 on the front, 2 on
the back.
The pagination and printing used to be done by my hubby,
until he died. Trying to shuffle the pages myself is driving
me crazy. Where can I get the formula for that?
Christin
Dear Christin
There is a lot more to that than just a formula. Trying to
get the printer to print the pages correctly with four or
more "pages" per sheet would indeed drive you crazy,
unless you are comfortable with a special type of math.
You need some specialized software for doing that.
I have used Clickbook since the days, when I still had
a noisy Dot-Matrix printer.
With ClickBook you pick one out of over 170 formats,
teach it how your printer works. It needs to know which
way does it print, when you take the output and drop it
straight down into the input tray, without turning or
flipping it. Then you tell it whether you want a blank
cover or no cover, which file to print, and hit PRINT.
After it prints one side, it tells you to take the stack
from the output and drop it straight down into the input
tray, and hit OK.
When done, you simply take the output, fold it in half and
pound it tight with a rubber hammer.
As I mentioned, it has over 170 different formats to choose,
including Tri-Fold brochures, long fold table riders, CD/DVD
jewel case inserts, etc.
Printng e-Books in paperback format, 4 pages per sheet,
saves you an incredible amount of paper and ink / toner.
Naturally, all that high math is not free, however, they kept
the price of Clickbook the same for about twenty years.
If you lose this link, just go to my Tool Box. It has been in there
for almost twenty years, and I have never in all that time
heard a single complaint about Clickbook.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
My client Anita and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant.
When an elderly waiter set chopsticks at our places, Anita
made a point of reaching into her purse and pulling out her
own pair.
"As an environmentalist," she declared, "I do not approve
of destroying bamboo forests for throwaway utensils."
The waiter inspected her chopsticks.
"Velly bootiful," he said politely. "Ivoly flom lasst highland
ellefant!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Save Cosmetics Containers For Jewelry
I have found that old cosmetics containers (that have been
cleaned out) are great to store jewelry in for a weekend trip.
It's also a great way to recycle!
By craftattack
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
>From Ann
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I
got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and
start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class
for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and
down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I
got my leotards on, the class was over.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
At the gates of heaven there were two lines, with signs
above them.
One line was labeled "Hen Pecked Husbands", and the other
was labeled "Non-Henpecked Husbands."
In the line labeled " Hen Pecked Husbands" was filled with
men and it stretched as far far as the eye could see.
The other line "non-Hen Pecked Husbands" had only one
skinny bald little man with thick glasses.
After surveying the two lines, St. Peter walked over to the
little man in the Non-Henpecked line, grabbed his hand
and told him how amazed he was at his accomplishment,
and asked him "how in the world did you do it? You are
the only man in this line."
The little man looked at St. Peter with a puzzled look on
his face and said, "Gee mister I don't know what you are
talking about, my wife told me to stand here."
Today in
324 -BC- Origin of Era of Alexander
1775 General Washington forbids enlisting blacks
1918 Emperor Karl of Austria-Hungary abdicates
1927 Trotsky expelled from Soviet CP; Stalin becomes dictator
1928 British steamer "Vestris" capsizes & sinks off Virginia, kills 110
1933 Nazis receive 92% of vote in Germany
1938 Hermann Goering announces he wants Madagascar
as a Jewish homeland
1946 1st drive-up bank window established (Chicago)
1948 Japanese premier Hideki Tojo sentenced to death
by war crimes tribunal
1954 Ellis Island, immigration station in NY Harbor, closed
1956 Largest observed iceberg, 208 by 60 miles, 1st sighted
( Gullible Warming II )
1977 New Orleans elects 1st black mayor, Ernest (Dutch) Morial
1979 US halts Iranian oil imports & freezes Iranian assets
1984 Space shuttle astronauts snared a satellite
1st space salvage
1987 Heavy snow closes schools from DC to Maine
2012 smiled
Sunday, November 11, 2012, 01:23 PM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, November 11
Remembrance Day
Armistice Day
Veterans Day
Hero's Day
Poppy Day
In Canada, and many other countries, aside from parades
and whatever else is planned for the day, there are
two minutes of silence at 11:00 am to commemorate the
soldiers killed or hurt in the wars. The rest of the day is
for the soldiers, who are alive.
Many stores and offices also play "Pittance of Time" just
before 11:00, to remind people.
If your email rogram hides the movie, you can see it on YouTube at
Pittance Of Time
If you are just traveling in Canada and wonder why everybody
is wearing a poppy, and has been for a week
now you know why.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Take everything you like seriously,
except yourselves.
--- Rudyard Kipling
The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'
--- Ronald Reagan
No one appreciates the value of constructive criticism more
thoroughly than the one who's giving it.
--- Hal Chadwick
>From Anna
The Students in my third-grade class were bombarding me
with questions about my newly pierced ears.
"Does the hole go all the way through?"
"Yes."
"Did it hurt?"
"Just a little."
"Did they stick a needle through your ears?"
"No, they used a special gun."
Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out,
"How far away did they stand?"
And another voice piped up:
"Did they do both ears with one shot?"
>From Nina
Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a
ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Bomber. The dog's
owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy,
Billie, were all very attached to Bomber and they were
hoping for a miracle. I examined Bomber and found he
was dying of cancer.
I told the family there were no miracles left for Bomber,
and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for
the old dog in their home.
As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they
thought it would be good for the four-year-old Billie
to observe the procedure. They felt as though Billie
might learn something from the experience, and realize
that Bomber would go gently.
The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat
as Bomber's Family surrounded him. Billie seemed so
calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I
wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a
few minutes, Bomber slipped peacefully away. The
little boy seemed to accept Bomber's transition
without any difficulty or confusion.
We sat together for a while after Bomber's death,
wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives
are shorter than human lives. Billie, who had been
listening quietly, piped up, "I know why."
Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his
mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more
comforting explanation.
He said, "People are born so that they can learn how
to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the
time and being nice, right?"
Everyone nodded their heads in agreement.
The four-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know
how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."
Number 1 Site For Background Checks: 360
The secret of professionals, now available to YOU!
Check out anybody you want with 360!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what
her own childhood was like "We used to skate outside on
a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree
in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild
raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said,
"I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
(OLD picture)
Shelley Lapsley, 42, in Fort Wayne, Indiana
Charged With Insurance Fraud After
Brawling With School Bus, Losing
Reported by the Weekly Vice
Shelley Lapsley, a 42-year-old Fort Wayne woman has been
charged after she allegedly punched a school bus with her fists,
then attempted to file a false insurance claim.
According to Fort Wayne police, Lapsley allegedly submitted
a claims report to the Fort Wayne Community School's
insurance company, stating that she had been struck by one
of their school buses.
Lapsley's story fell apart, however, when surveillance video
obtained from the bus showed her intentionally punching the
bus with her fists.
Lapsley was charged with Class D felony insurance fraud.
Tech Support Pits
None of the usual Windows 7 defenders, who usually accuse
me of not reading the instructions and just badmouthing
Microsoft's latest and greatest, have written with any solution
to the Windows 7 Phantom Drive problem.
From: Carole
Re: Problem getting McAfee
Carole had a badly infected machine, that the local computer
shop was not able to clean, and could not get McAfee with
the regular link. No idea whether the McAfee site was too
busy, under attack, or whether her virus infection did not
allow her to go to McAfee. (Many viruses do that!)
So I gave her a couple of back-door links:
http://promos.mcafee.com/Offer.aspx?id=419305
or for the Total Protection:
http://promos.mcafee.com/Offer.aspx?id=419268
both still with the ID for the big discounts.
Then she wrote:
Dear Webby,
got it . Now tell me, does it remove viruses already on
my computer?
If not how do I get rid of them?
Thanks again.
Carole
Dear Carole
Yes, it sure does!
The first time you tell it to scan, it will quarantine or
dump anything it finds suspicious.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
>From Sillizzy
When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied,
"I'm not sure."
"Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised.
"Mine says I'm four.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Aspirin For Cold Fingers and Toes
My toes felt frozen throughout the entire month of October
and winter was just beginning. I searched for answers on
the internet and came across one remedy that I felt was
thrifty and worth trying. It said to take one baby/low dose
aspirin every day and guess what? It works!
By oSandi from Sherwood Park, Alberta
-------------------------
Baby Aspirin is a blood thinner. If it makes
a big difference, then the heart should be checked soon!
It is possible that a bit of blood thinning is all, that is needed,
but doing JUST that is messing with the symptoms, not the
cause. Get heart and circulation checked out soon!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
Each year, several giant computer expos at the Convention
Center attract mobs of people. I ran into a friend the day after
she had gone to one, and asked her about it.
"By the time I got there," she said, "it was so crowded you
couldn't get a nerd in edgewise."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Barb
As a frequent flier, I get annoyed when other passengers
disregard the airline attendant's pleas to stay seated when
the plane taxies to the gate. One attendant captured my heart
by announcing:
"The captain will be parking the aircraft at Gate 41 in
approximately two minutes. I have seen the captain's car.
I am going to remain seated, with the seat-belt securely
snugged up."
Today in
1620 41 pilgrims land in Massachusetts, sign Mayflower Compact
1647 Massachusetts passes 1st US compulsory school attendance law
1714 A highway in the Bronx is laid out, later renamed East 233rd Street
1918 Armistice Day-WW I ends at 11 AM
1925 Robert Millikan announces discovery of cosmic rays
1933 "Great Black Blizzard" 1st great dust storm in the Great Plains
1942 During WW II Germany completes their occupation of France
1975 Australian PM removed by crown
1988 Oldest known insect fossils (390 million years) reported
1992 General Synod votes for Ordination of women in the UK
2012 smiled
Saturday, November 10, 2012, 11:18 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, November 10
Saw in the News:
Harper Government blocks new fees on memory cards
Ottawa - Canada's decade old media levy just got an exemption.
The levy which got high tech vendors, solution providers and
retailers up in arms back in 2002, received an exemption for
microSD memory cards from levies under the private copying
regime.
If the vendors pass on the savings, that should reduce the
cost of SD memory cards for cameras, thumb-drives,
cell phones, etc.
November 11 is Veterans Day in the US, and
Remembrance Day in Canmada and the Commonwealth countries.
In Canada, when Remembrance Day falls on a Saturday or Sunday,
it is celebrated on the nearest Monday, since it is a stat holiday.
Many other countries akso have their version of Remembrance
Day on the Monday closest to November 11.
In the US, it is NOT a stat holiday, and not celebrated on
the nearest Monday, but on November 11, and in some places
on the nearest Sunday.
November 11 is also called Poppy Day.
In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Great necessities call out great virtues.
--- Abigail Adams
You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do.
--- Henry Ford
Except in politics! Unrealistic election promises are
even good enough for a Nobel prize.
Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking. There
was a thick and heavy snow storm and a foot of snow on
top of the icy hardpack that had covered the parking lot
when they had arrived earlier.
They jumped into the icy car and started it up. Suddenly
they were in a hurry to get home and the driver floored the
accelerator.
After a couple of minutes in the thick snow storm, just as
the car heater started to blow warm air, an old man
appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly.
The passenger screamed, "Look at he window. There's an
old ghost's face there!"
The driver stomped down the accelerator even harder, but
the old man's face stayed in the window.
The passenger rolled his window down part way and, scared
out of his wits, yelled, "What do you want?"
The old man softly replied, "You got any tobacco?"
The passenger handed the old man a cigarette and yelled,
"Step on it," to the driver, rolling up the window in terror.
A few minutes later they calmed down and started laughing
again.
The driver said, "I don't know what happened, but don't
worry; the speedometer says we're doing 80 now."
All of a sudden there was a light tapping on the window and
the old man's face reappeared in the heavy blizzard.
"There he is again," the passenger yelled.
He rolled down the window and shakily said, "Yes?"
"Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asked.
The passenger threw a lighter out the window, screaming
at the driver: "Step on it!"
The speedometer showed about 100 miles an hour now.
They were trying to forget what they had just seen and heard,
when all of a sudden there came some more tapping.
"Oh my God! He's back!" The passenger rolled down the
window and screamed in stark terror, "WHAT NOW?"
The old man gently replied, "Do you guys want some help
getting off that icy patch?"
One day, a kindergarten teacher said to the class of
5-year-olds, "I'll Give $2 to the child who can tell me who
the most famous man who ever lived was."
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick."
The teacher said, "Sorry Sean, that's not correct."
Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was
St. Andrew."
The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Jock, that's not right either."
Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said,
"It was Jesus Christ."
The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Marvin, come
up here and I'll give you the $2."
As the teacher was giving Marvin his money, she said,
"You know, Marvin, since you're Jewish, I was very
surprised that you said Jesus Christ."
Marvin replied, "Yeah. In my heart I knew it was Moses,
but business is business.
Number 1 Site For Background Checks: 360
The secret of professionals, now available to YOU!
Check out anybody you want with 360!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
A rather Posh Lady was sauntering around an exclusive
London art gallery when she stopped by one particular
exhibit.
"I suppose this picture of a hideous witch is what you
would call modern art?" she asked in a very pompous
manner.
"No, Ma'm," replied the gallery assistant,
"We call that a mirror."
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Niles, Gammons, 22, in Urbana, Ohio
Bonehead In Two Drunk Driving Busts,
At The Same Time
Reported by the Smoking Gun
Due to daylight saving switch, Bonehead was
nabbed twice at 1:08 AM
Niles Gammons, 22, was first pulled over by an Urbana cop
when he was spotted driving an Oldsmobile the wrong way
in an alley. Gammons was pulled over at 1:08 AM by an
officer who reported that he reeked of booze and had glassy
eyes.
Sergeant Dave Reese noted that when he sought to have
Gammons perform a Breathalyzer test, “I could hear that
he had something in his mouth.” As it turned out,
Gammons’s mouth was filled with pennies.
“I then advised Niles that pennies in the mouth were a
myth and that it did not help in taking a breath test,”
Reese noted.
After Gammons’s blood alcohol content was measured at
.116, he was arrested for drunk driving. After being transported
to the Urbana police headquarters, Gammons was issued
citations and “released to an adult.”
Following Gammons’s departure, Reese wrote, “At 2:00 AM,
the time changed from daylight savings time to standard time
and 2:00 AM became 1:00 AM.”
At 1:08 AM, “exactly one hour after the first stop”. Reese
was driving his patrol car in Urbana’s municipal parking lot
when a vehicle “backed out of a spot rapidly and nearly
collided with my cruiser.”
Reese quickly determined that Gammons was behind the wheel.
“I asked Niles why he was driving, because he was under
suspension and still drunk.”
Gammons replied that “his friend that picked him up dropped
him off and refused to take him home.”
Then, in a sterling example of intoxicated logic, Gammons
explained that he “was afraid of getting arrested for public
intoxication so he decided to drive,” according to the
police report.
Gammons was again arrested for drunk driving and transported
to the Urbana Police Division, where his blood alcohol content
registered .109.
The separate tickets issued to Gammons both carry the same
date and time--November 4 at 1:08 AM. He is set to appear
--for both cases-- in Champaign County Municipal Court on
November 15. Each matter is scheduled for 3:30 PM.
Tech Support Pits
From: Alex
Re: Phantom drives in Windows 7
Dear Webby,
Windows 7 has decided that the ancient HP multifunction
klunker, that stopped printing seven years ago but still
works OK as a scanner, is now a hard drive. It also invented
a phantom drive, that has no hardware in THIS universe.
Or not in THIS time. Maybe Windows 7 just reserved it for a
time traveler, that it expects to arrive some day in the future.
What IS extremely annoying, is that it pushed my USB
Expansion Drive from F: to H:
Now all the software installed, when the drive was still F:,
and all the icons pointing to folders on that drive, still
point to F:, not H:
I am afraid if I re-install all the software, that I had put
onto F:, to keep the C: drive lean and fast, like you had
recommended many years ago, onto the H: drive,
and change all the icons to point to places on the H: drive,
then Windows 7 will suddenly stop the nonsense and
call the expansion drive F: again.
What's the story, and what do you recommend?
Alex
Dear Alex
That is actually quite common on Windows 7,
and one of the many reasons, why I don't recommend it.
It makes Windows 7 totally unsuitable for business use,
and is occasionally blamed on Linux infiltrators at Microsoft.
It definitely does encourage businesses to switch to Linux.
As far as I know, there is no fix for the phantom drive bug,
and messing with the partitions is definitely not recommended.
That card house is unstable enough already.
It is qite safe to re-install your programs to the H: drive,
and edit the icons to point to folders on the H: drive.
I have not heard of Windows 7 ever stopping the
phantom drive nonsense.
If anybody knows of a remedy for Windows 7 phantom drives,
please tell me!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Elizabeth was surprised to receive ten dollars from her
aunt for her birthday. The aunt asked how she was going
to spend it.
"I'm taking it to Sunday School and giving it to God." the
little girl replied. "He'll crap his drawers when he sees a
TEN DOLLAR bill instead of just some coins as usual."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Aspirin For Cold Fingers and Toes
My toes felt frozen throughout the entire month of October
and winter was just beginning. I searched for answers on
the internet and came across one remedy that I felt was
thrifty and worth trying. It said to take one baby/low dose
aspirin every day and guess what? It works!
By oSandi from Sherwood Park, Alberta
-------------------------
Baby Aspirin is a blood thinner. If it makes
a big difference, then the heart should be checked soon!
It is possible that a bit of blood thinning is all, that is needed,
but doing JUST that is messing with the symptoms, not the
cause. Get heart and circulation checked out soon!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowpoke.
Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire the lad
and give him a chance.
"This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat.
We use it to catch cows."
"I see," said Bob, trying to seem knowledgeable
as he examined the lariat.
"And what do you use for bait?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Groan Alert!
Vintners in the Napa Valley who produce primarily Pinot
Blancs and Pinot Grigios have developed a new hybrid grape,
which acts as an anti-diuretic and will reduce the number
of trips an older person has to make to the bathroom during
the night.
They will be marketing the new wine as Pinot More.
Today in
1674 Dutch formally cede New Netherlands (NY) to English
1801 Kentucky outlaws dueling
1836 Louis Napoleon banished to America
1864 Austrian Archduke Maximilian became emperor of Mexico
1928 Hirohito enthroned as Emperor of Japan
1951 1st long distance telephone call without operator assistance
1975 Ore ship Edmund Fitzgerald & crew of 29 lost in storm on
Lake Superior
1989 Germans begin punching holes in the Berlin Wall
1989 Word Perfect 5.1 is shipped, best and fastest word
processor ever released.
2084 Transit of Earth as seen from Mars. (Earth will be seen
as a black dot marching across the sun)
2012 smiled
Friday, November 9, 2012, 10:13 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, November 9
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
The news are warning about "Deadly Snow Storms across
the prairies" snd 18 more inches of snow tomorrow. I have a
doctor's sppointment tomorrow mid day. Instead of laying
rubber out of the garage and hitting the snow drifts at full
speed in reverse, and sorta aiming for the road, I am going
to walk. Actually, I am looking forward to the walk. Going
there will be -12, Wind N @ 15, headwind, but coming home,
with the wind at my back, -12 won't be bad at all.
Have FUN!
Dear Webby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"Accept the challenges, so that you may feel the
exhilaration of victory."
--- General George S. Patton
The human race is faced with a cruel choice:
work or daytime television.
--- Socratex
The real hero is always a hero by mistake;
he dreams of being an honest coward like everybody else.
--- Umberto Eco
An American was golfing at the Old Course in St. Andrews,
Scotland. He slices his opening drive out of bounds onto the
beach, so he tees another one up and smacks it right down
the middle.
The golfer turns to his old Scottish caddy and tells him that in
America that is called a "Mulligan" and asks him if there is a
name for it in Scotland.
The caddy replies, "AYE, we call it a three."
>From Joy
Dear Webby,
Here is an oldie but a goodie for this cold and snowy time
of year! Thanks for your humor letter each day. I also enjoy
the bonus links, tech support, and pictures.
Joy
A teacher was helping one of her kindergarten students put
his boots on. He asked for help and she could see why.
With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want
to go on.
When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat.
She almost whimpered when the little boy said,
"Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."
She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier
pulling the boots off then it was putting them on.
She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to
get the boots back on - this time on the right feet.
He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her
tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why
didn't you say so?" like she wanted to.
Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off.
He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me
wear them."
She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up
the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again.
Then she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?"
He said, "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots..."
Number 1 Site For Background Checks: 360
The secret of professionals, now available to YOU!
Check out anybody you want with 360!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Mistakes from her language students:
"I was walking to school and suddenly a beautiful woman cut
my eye."
"She said she doesn't like fringe kissing. She prefers kiss-
ing men without tongues."
"He always erupts before I am finished talking."
"We were lovers, but now she is my biggest enema!"
"My father met us at the airport and gave me a big hog. Then
he hogged my wife."
"We live on the sex floor. Our apartment is small but we have
a nice view."
"He lifted the veal off her face and gave her a big kiss."
"Unfortunately, the school board was forced to cut fifteen
percent off all teachers."
"Do you like this food? I made it from scratching!"
"I like you. My other tutor won't correct my grandma."
"It was so exciting to watch! The cheerleaders threw up high
into the air."
"Rain makes old cars lust. So be careful about that. Once a
car starts lusting, there's no way to stop it."
"You can't sleep with me because it is too crowded. But you
can probably sleep with my sister. That's what most of my
friends do when they visit.
I fell in love with her the first time I sawed her.
He had such a worm heart.
We were two sheeps passing in the night.
We have hated each other for so long. I want to borrow the hatchet.
My dentist makes me blush twice a day.
I don't know if he will propose, but I am expecting.
I have something exciting to tell you.
My girlfriend and I got enraged last night!
The groom was wearing a very nice croissant.
I think she is really glad she got marinated.
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Taquita Lashay Watson, 29, Pensacola
Caregiver Assaulted Bedridden 106-Year-Old
Woman With A "Sexual Instrument"
Reported by the Smoking Gun
A female caregiver was arrested today and charged with
sexually assaulting a 106-year-old woman in her care,
according to cops.
Taquita Lashay Watson, 29, had been providing in-home
care to the bedridden victim, according to the Pensacola Police
Department. Investigators determined that Watson last month
had "used a sexual instrument" on the elderly woman.
Watson, pictured in the mug shot, was charged with
sexual assault and booked into the Escambia County jail in
lieu of $25,000 bond. A police report lists her employer as
Interim HealthCare in Pensacola.
According to a police statement, the investigation of Watson,
who has worked as a caretaker for the elderly for eight years,
is continuing "to determine if anyone else may have been
victimized."
A police report provides disturbing details of the October 26
assault of the woman, who cops described as having
"no known mental health issues" and whose "mental capacity
appeared to be fine." The victim told police that Watson,
whom she knew as "Q", assaulted her with a six-inch "peter",
that she removed from her purse along with a jar of Vaseline.
The woman told police that Watson "pulled her pants and
diaper down and told her that this 'would make her feel good.'"
As Watson allegedly tried to assault her with the sex toy,
the victim said she screamed at the caregiver to stop.
Watson replied that, "all the old people like it and it makes
them feel good," according to the woman's account to police.
The victim said that when she started to bleed from her
vagina, Watson cursed at her and said she would "get it
in next time" before warning that, "if you tell anyone,
I will hurt you."
The victim was subsequently given a sexual assault
examination which revealed "obvious signs of trauma"
to her vagina, cops reported.
Tech Support Pits
From: Erin
Re: Lost icons on Windows 7
Dear Webby,
My Windows 7 desktop keeps losing icons, not just
shuffling them around. Even "Save My Desktop" is no help.
What can I do to keep my icons and keep them in place?
Erin
Dear Erin
Upgrade to XP.
Yes, I know, that is probably not possible for you, but that
seems to be the only way to avoid that bug in Windows 7.
Some moron at Microsoft decided that since the concept of W7
was to be more blonde than VISTA, and to add cutesy gimmicks
without thinking them through, they somehow rigged it so that
momentarily not acessible icons get dumped.
If you use an external drive and have some icons pointing to
programs or folders on that drive, if a momentary power
failure interrupts that drive, or if you unplug it for a moment
to re-route the cables, W7 steals the icons and data for
items on that drive and permanently deletes them.
SMD and similar programs are powerless against such gross
stupidity. They can only log the position and the names and
icon files, but when W7 steals and deletes those, all that
placement info is useless.
Eventually somebody will write a utility to help you cope
with that Windows 7 bug, or should I say concept malfunction?
Desktop Restore from MidiOx helps restore icons, that
Windows 7 lost during resizing or sorting, but so far nothing
restores icons, that Windows deletes because of a temporarily
unplugged drive.
With Desktop Restore, make sure you do not have
"Align Icons to Grid" checked. That function is bad news.
When you download the program, use the 64 bit version for
W7. If you lose this link, I have had Deasktop Restore in the
Tool Box for many years.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Pillow Case as Sewing Machine Cover
For an inexpensive sewing machine cover, purchase a good
quality pillow case from the thrift store or yard sale. Cut and
shape the bottom, fancy open end to fit your sewing machine.
Sew across the edge you just cut. You can add lace or
whatever you like to embellish it.
By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
I came in to work early the other day and began hanging
upside down from the ceiling. Just then one of my co-workers
came in and asked me what I'm doing.
"Shh," I said, " I'm a light bulb -- I'm acting crazy to
get a few days off, as there is an out of town wedding
I need to go to until Tuesday. ."
A minute later the Boss walked by and asked me what I
was doing.
"I'm a light bulb!" I exclaimed.
"You're going crazy," he said.
"Take a few days off, and come back when you are de-stressed”
With that, I jumped down and started walking out. My co-worker
started following me and the Boss asked where she was going.
I can't work in the dark," she said.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
When our dryer broke, my husband set to work. He found the
problem quickly and, since he needed to replace the belt,
decided to repair a cracked knob and a broken hinge too.
Upon arrival at the Sears parts counter, he said he needed
a belt, knob, hinge, and a crescent-shaped wire he'd found
inside the dryer. He didn't know where it belonged, but he
confidently assured the clerk that he could figure it out
once he got into the job.
"I have the other parts," the clerk said, "but for the wire
you have to go to Lingerie. This is an underwire from your
wife's bra."
Today in
1526 Jews are expelled from Pressburg Hungary
1720 Rabbi Yehuda Hasid synagogue set afire
1799 Napoleon becomes dictator (1st consul) of France
1862 US Grant issues orders to bar Jews from serving
1872 Fire destroys nearly 1,000 buildings in Boston
1913 Storm "Freshwater Fury" sinks 8 ore-carriers on Great Lakes
1918 Kaiser Wilhelm II abdicates after German defeat in WW I
1923 Beer Hall Putsch-NAZIs fail
1927 Giant Panda discovered, China
1932 Hurricane storm wave sweeps over Santa Cruz del Sur
Cuba kills 2,500
1938 "Kristallnacht" (Crystal Night)-Nazi stormtroopers
attacked Jews
1961 PGA eliminates Caucasians only rule
1984 Vietnam Veterans Memorial ("3 Servicemen") completed
1989 East Berlin opens its borders
1990 President Bush announces DOUBLING of US forces in Gulf
2012 smiled
Thursday, November 8, 2012, 11:36 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, November 8
Election commercials are finished, and Christmas commercials
ready to start any day now. Shoppers DrugMart tried to start
them already, and got a lot of bad PR over that. There was
so much bitching and complaining, that they decided to cut
the Christmas music in the stores and promised to keep it
off until December 1st. They will be playing non-denominational
elevator music until then. As far as I am concerned, I would
be quite happy if they eleiminated the noise and reserved
Christmas music for the last two weeks of shopping frenzy.
Have FUN!
Dear Webby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor.
--- Elizabeth I
It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there
is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.
--- Mark Twain
Idealism is what precedes experience;
cynicism is what follows.
--- David T. Wolf
Friendship Between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she
told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's
house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends.
None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship Between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his
wife that he had slept over at a buddy's house. The woman
called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed
that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant
at their Church. At dinner that night, they got into an argument
as to who had the most important role.
Finally, the 10-year-old said to her younger sister,
"Well you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a
virgin than it is to be an angel!"
Number 1 Site For Background Checks: 360
The secret of professionals, now available to YOU!
Check out anybody you want with 360!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Yes, I know, YOU never fart, but is there some ol fart
you know, who would benefit from this eBook?
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Shena Hardin, 32, in Cleveland, Ohio
Ohio woman who drove on sidewalk
to avoid school bus ordered to
wear 'idiot' sign
Reported by Lillemor
A woman caught on camera driving on a sidewalk to avoid
a Cleveland school bus that was unloading children will
have to stand at an intersection wearing a sign warning
about idiots.
Court records show a Cleveland Municipal Court judge on
Monday ordered 32-year-old Shena Hardin to stand at an
intersection for two days next week. She will have to wear
a sign saying: "Only an idiot drives on the sidewalk to avoid
a school bus."
The judge ordered her to wear the sign from 7:45 a.m. to
8:45 a.m. both days.
Hardin's license was suspended for 30 days and she was
ordered to pay $250 in court costs.
Tech Support Pits
From: Louise
Re: Lost Address Bar
Dear Webby,
The place on my home page where I type urls to get on the
Internet is gone. How do I get it back.
Thank you.
Louise
Dear Louise
In the browser, click on
VIEW
TOOLBARS
and put a checkmark on ADDRESS BAR
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Attach Pull Tab To Driver's License
When you go to the store and write a check.
They want your drivers license, but it's hard to take
out of the slot. Put a strip of scotch tape on the end
to make a tab. Now you have a pull.
Source: A gal came in the store and had it done.
Great idea!
By Vi M. from Mobridge, SD
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
June 2012 Statistics On Airport Screening
From The Department Of Homeland Security:
Terrorists Discovered
0
Transvestites
2,330
Hernias
4,750
Hemorrhoid Cases
6,420
Enlarged Prostates
8,249
Breast implants
3,593,500
Natural Blondes
13
It was also discovered that 535 traveling members
of Congress had no balls.
Thought you'd like to know.
Once this gets out, the fancy X-Ray portals will probably get
scrapped.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved
auctions; whle his hobby was golf.
The other night, during a deep sleep, the man yelled,
'Fore!'
His wife, also in a deep sleep and not missing a beat,
yelled back, 'Four Fifty!'
Today in
1631 Pierre Gassendi observes transit of Mercury predicted by Kepler
1789 Bourbon Whiskey, 1st distilled from corn (by Elijah Craig, Bourbon KY)
1793 Louvre in Paris, opens
1885 Canadian Pacific Railway completed at Craigellachie
1889 Montana admitted as 41st state
1895 Wilhelm Rontgen discovers X-rays
1917 British capture Gaza Palestine from the Turks
1917 October Revolution (Oct 26 OS) in Russia, Lenin seizes power
1918 Goddard demonstrates tube-launched solid propellant rockets
1944 25,000 Hungarian Jews are loaned to the Nazis for forced labor
1962 Richard Nixon quits politics-You won't have Nixon to kick around
1966 Movie actor Ronald Reagan elected governor of California
1972 President Nixon (R) re-elected defeating George McGovern (D)
1980 Voyager 1 space probe discovers 15th moon of Saturn
1982 Liz Taylor's 7th divorce (John Warner)
1985 Colombian troops end 27-hr siege of Bogota's Palace of Justice
1990 100,000 additional US troops are sent to the Persian gulf
1990 Saddam fires his army chief & threatens to destroy Arabian peninsula
2012 smiled
Monday, November 5, 2012, 09:30 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, November 5
Thank you Professor Bill!
While you read this, I will be on the way to Calgary for
more injections into the eyes. There won't be a Tuesday
issue, and possibly not Wednesday either.
The US Government ruled that you lose all your property rights
by storing your data on the cloud. After they shut down
Megaupload's service they denied third parties access to their
own files. Many businesses used Megaupload's cloud service
to store and share files not related to piracy. They used it
for traveling employees to up- or download files without
jeopardizing security at their own server, in case a laptop
was lost or stolen.
This seems to apply to Amazon's S3 or Google Apps or Apple
iCloud services as well, and could lead to some very high
profile court cases. If you used Megaupload to store the
pictures of your wedding for all your friends and overseas
relatives to download, it will be cheaper to get married again,
than to fight the feds over those pictures.
If you are planning to use the cloud for a common repository,
get your own domain! I can secure a domain name for you
for $10 a year, and $4.50 a month will cover the hosting.
Then YOU are in control and the feds can't take your files,
as long as you stay reasonably close to the law.
Have FUN!
Dear Webby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Fortune does not change men, it unmasks them.
--- Suzanne Necker
For a list of all the ways technology has failed to
improve the quality of life, please press three.
--- Alice Kahn
Politicians can do more funny things naturally
than I can think of to do purposely"
--- Will Rogers
"Men are like fine wine. They all start out
like grapes, and it's women's job to stomp
on them and keep them in the dark until
they mature into something with which
you'd like to have dinner with."
"Women are like fine wine. They all start
out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the
mind and then turn full-bodied with age
until they go all sour and vinegary and
give you a headache."
A Minnesota Story
All of his life Olle had heard stories of an amazing family
tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather
and great-grandfather had all been able to walk
on water on their 21st birthday.
On that day, they'd walk across the lake to the boat club
for their first legal drink.
So when Olle's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal
Corky took a boat out to the middle of the lake.
Olle stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned!
Corky just managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Olle went to see his grandmother.
"Grandma, it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across
the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"
Granny looked into Olle's eyes and said,
"Because, you dumb ass, your father, grandfather and great
grandfather were born in January, you were born in December,
when the lake is not frozen yet."
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet
If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your
days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded
afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant
to disease, and have a much easier time using
healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then
this will be the most important message you ever
read. Start Eating for Energy!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Yes, I know, YOU never fart, but is there somebody you
know, who would benefit from this eBook?
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Elzbieta Plackowska, 40, Naperville, IL
Stabbed two children more than 150 times
Reported by The Weekly Vice
lzbieta Plackowska, a 40-year-old Illinois woman has been
charged with murder after she allegedly told two young children
to get on their knees and pray before stabbing them more than
150 times.
That is premeditated first degree murder.
According to Naperville police, Plackowska became enraged
when her father passed away in Poland and her husband wasn't
keen on the idea of moving back to the homeland to be closer
to him.
In retaliation, Plackowska sought revenge on her husband by
stabbing to death her own 7-year-old son and a 5-year-old
girl she had agreed to babysit.
Investigators say Plackowska walked into a bedroom where
her son and the little girl were busy jumping on a bed.
Plackowska allegedly told her son that he was about to go
to heaven before ordering him and the little girl to get on
their knees and pray.
Following a short prayer, Plackowska produced a knife and
stabbed her son more than 100 times as he pleaded for his
life and told her that he loved her.
Plackowska then turned to the 5-year-old girl who begged for
her life. Plackowska allegedly stabbed the little girl more
than 50 times. She later told police that she stabbed the little
girl to death because the girl was a witness to a crime.
Following the stabbings, Plackowska fled to a nearby church
before making her way to a relative's home. The relative
called police after Plackowska arrived at the home drenched
in blood.
During a police interview, Plackowska first told officers that a
stalker had broken into her town home and stabbed the children
to death. A short time later she changed her story and stated
that she heard voices from the devil and killed the children to
save their souls.
Eventually, Plackowska told detectives that she stabbed the
children because she was angry with her husband and wanted
to hurt him the way he had hurt her.
When investigators entered Plackowska's home, they found
her deceased son laying on the floor and the deceased girl
laying on a bed. Two dogs were also found dead near the
childrens' bodies.
Plackowska reportedly came to the United States from Poland
12 years ago and wanted to move back. Her husband was
against the idea.
Police were dispatched to the grisly scene after Plackowska's
older son called 911. Plackowska's husband works as a truck
driver and was reportedly out of town when the murders
took place.
Plackowska was booked into jail and charged with two counts
of first-degree murder. Bail has been denied in the case,
since she will probably wind up on death row.
Tech Support Pits
From: Lynn
Re: Swapping Monitors
Dear Webby,
Love your newsletter!
How hard is it to change monitors? I'm using a 2-yr-old,
medium-quality 17" flat-panel model on my WinXP PC now and
somebody gave me a brand new Dell 17" flat-panel monitor
along with the User Documentation disc. Would it be very
hard for a mostly computer-illiterate like me to do?
--Lynn
Dear Lynn
The biggest challenge is opening the cardboard box and
taking the new monitor out.
Cut the tape on top, open the flaps all the way and tape them
to the side.
Take out any paperwork and styrofoam stuff.
Turn the box upside down.
Lift the box off the monitor.
Lift the monitor from the floor or table to where you
want it to be.
Then the fancy electical work:
Unplug the cables at the old monitor.
Knock the old monitor onto the floor or onto a soft easy
chair.
Push the new monitor in place.
Plug the old cables into the new monitor.
That's all there is to it.
You can't plug the cables in wrong, there is only one way
they will fit.
Windows will recognize the monitor and adjust accordingly.
I doubt that you have to run the CD, since the old one is also
a flat panel LCD monitor.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Pancake Batter in Squeeze Bottle
Use an empty squeeze bottle like a ketchup or syrup
bottle. Mix your pancake batter according to your box
instructions. Add it to your squeeze bottle with a funnel.
Then put it into the fridge the night before, and have
pancakes for breakfast. No rush or mess!
By coville123 from Brockville
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger
This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff,
that you won't keep up anyway."
These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey
MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process,
reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body.
Give "Old School - New Body" a try!
>From Ed
Because I had forgotten the dates for a number of my friends'
and relatives' birthdays and anniversaries, I decided to
compile a list on the computer and have the dates highlighted
on screen when the machine was turned on. I went to a number
of computer stores to find a software program that would do
the job but had no luck at the first few. I finally found
one where the clerk seemed experienced.
"Can you recommend something that will remind me of birthdays
and anniversaries?" I asked.
"Have you tried a wife?" he replied.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he
looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for
"Gorilla Removers". He calls the number, and the gorilla remover
says he'll be over in 30 minutes.
The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a
ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
"What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks.
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going
to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this
baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained
to grab his testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be
subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the
van."
So the guy puts the ladder up, gets the bat and the shotgun and
walks towards the ladder. As he gets to the base of the ladder,
he hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
"If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog!"
Today in
1414 Council of Constance (16th ecumenical council) opens)
1492 Christopher Columbus learns of maize (corn) from the
Indians of Cuba
1605 Gunpowder Plot; Catholics try to blow up English
Parliament. Plot uncovered & leader Guy Fawkes hanged
1895 1st US patent granted for auto (George B Selden)
1914 Britain annexes Cyprus
1955 New Vienna Opera house opens (old one had been bombed)
1956 Britain & France land forces in Egypt
1967 ATS-3 launched by US to take 1st pictures of full Earth disk
1987 Iceberg twice the size of Rhode Island sighted in Antarctic
2012 smiled
Sunday, November 4, 2012, 09:07 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, November 4
Monday morning I have to go to Calgary for more injections
into the eyes. There probably won't be a Tuesday issue, and
possibly not Wednesday either.
Check your clocks! The US and Canada are now in sync with
the rest of the world. Your computer updated automatically,
but your stove and your alarm clock didn't.
>From Tom:
Roon Serbis (Ruin Sorbees)
From the fertile mind of Shelly Berman back in the early 60s.
I thought maybe you would like to give Mr Berman credit.
Tom
Thanks Tom
All these years I did not realize that Holiday Inn employees
were just pretending to be Shelly Berman fans and not
really talking with a certain accent. Actually, I have not
been at a Holiday Inn for over a dozen years.
Where do your donations go?
Have FUN!
Dear Webby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The right to be heard does not include the right
to be taken seriously.
--- Hubert H. Humphrey
Punctuality is one of the cardinal business virtues:
always insist on it in your subordinates.
--- Don Marquis
Everything is funny
as long as it is happening to someone else
--- Will Rogers
Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.
--- Benjamin Franklin
It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth
to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
--- Robert Frost
Danny said to his son, "It's time we had a
little talk my son. Soon you will have urges
and feelings you've never had before. Your
heart will pound and your hands will sweat.
You'll be preoccupied and won't be able to think
of anything else."
"But don't worry, it's perfectly normal,
it's called golf."
-----------------------
Hmmm, missed that one.
I thought he was going to say "Women!".
With me, they made sure I never had time for golf.
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an
evening of church services when she was startled by an
intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home
of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!"
(Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so
that your sins may be forgiven.)
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called
the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar,
"Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a
scripture to you."
"Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an axe and
two 38's!"
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet
If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your
days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded
afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant
to disease, and have a much easier time using
healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then
this will be the most important message you ever
read. Start Eating for Energy!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Yes, I know, YOU never fart, but is there somebody you
know, who would benefit from this eBook?
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Two timid Mexican smugglers
Mexican Smugglers too timid
Reported by The Smoking Gun
A harebrained attempt by suspected smugglers to drive a
Jeep Cherokee up and over a U.S.-Mexico border fence
failed early Tuesday when the vehicle got stuck atop the
14-foot tall barrier.
As seen above, the teetering SUV was spotted by U.S. Border
Patrol agents after it had been driven up a makeshift ramp, but
could not complete the trip’s final leg into Arizona. When agents
approached the vehicle, two individuals on the fence's Mexican
side fled.
Investigators suspect that the Jeep likely contained narcotics,
which were offloaded when the vehicle became stuck.
Obviously the Jeep had been driven way too slow and did not
jump over the kink, a basic challenge in off-road truck rodeos.
Tech Support Pits
From: Kay
Re: Do Not Call Cellphone list
Dear Webby,
thanks again for all your humor, pictures and computer help.
I have been receiving a number to get on a do not call list for
cell phones: 1-888-3821-1222
I don't know if this number is legit or not.
Hope you can help.
Thank you
Kay
Dear Kay
Looks like you got a 1 too many
It should be: 1-888-382-1222
More info is at their new site:
https://www.donotcall.gov/
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Pancake Batter in Squeeze Bottle
Use an empty squeeze bottle like a ketchup or syrup
bottle. Mix your pancake batter according to your box
instructions. Add it to your squeeze bottle with a funnel.
Then put it into the fridge the night before, and have
pancakes for breakfast. No rush or mess!
By coville123 from Brockville
Box instructions?
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger
This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff,
that you won't keep up anyway."
These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey
MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process,
reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body.
Give "Old School - New Body" a try!
>From Bob
I have recently been diagnosed with AAADD -
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it goes...
I decide to do work on the car, I start to the garage and
notice the mail on the table. OK, I'm going to work on the
car... BUT FIRST...
I'm going to go through the mail. Lay car keys down on desk.
After discarding the junk mail, I notice the trash can is full.
OK, I'll just put the bills on my desk.... BUT FIRST...
I'll take the trash out, but since I'm going to be near the
mailbox, I'll address a few bills.... Yes. Now, where is the
checkbook? Oops.. there's only one check left. Where did
I put the extra checks? Oh, there is my empty plastic cup
from last night on my desk. I'm going to look for those checks...
BUT FIRST...
I need to put the cup back in the kitchen. I head for the kitchen,
look out the window, notice the flowers need a drink of water,
I put the cup on the counter and there's my extra pair of glasses
on the kitchen counter. What are they doing here? I'll just put
them away... BUT FIRST...
I need to water those plants. I head for the door and...
Aaaagh! someone left the TV remote in the wrong spot.
Okay, I'll put the remote away and water the plants...
BUT FIRST...
I need to find those checks.
END OF DAY: Oil in car not changed, bills still unpaid,
cup still in the sink, checkbook still has only one check left,
lost my car keys,... And, when I try to figure out how come
nothing got done today, I'm baffled because...
I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY!
I realize this condition is serious... I'd get help... BUT FIRST...
I think I'll check my e-mail.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Wife to Husband:
"I'll have you know that I stuck-up for you today".
Husband..."Really? What happened".
Wife..."Another woman at my card party said that you were
so sloppy, that you wasn't fit to live with pigs.
I stuck up fer you and told her that you definitely ARE!"
Today in
1862 Gatling gun patented
1873 Dentist John Beers of San Francisco patents the gold crown
1922 Howard Carter discovers tomb of Tutankhamen in Egypt
1939 1st air conditioned automobile (Packard) exhibited, Chicago, Ill
1939 US allows "cash & carry" arms sales during WW II
1956 200,000 Russian troops attack anti-Stalinist revolt in Budapest
1956 Israel captures Straits of Tiran from Egypt
1956 Israeli troops reach Suez Canal
1957 2nd Soviet Earth-satellite launched
1979 500 Iranians seize US embassy, take 90 hostages (444 days)
1991 Mid East peace conference ends in Madrid Spain
2012 smiled
Saturday, November 3, 2012, 11:38 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, November 3
If you are planning to donate to organizations to help
hurricane victims, keep in mind that the Red Cross does
not accept canned goods, clothing, blankets or tents.
Just cash. They have a lot of high-end executives, who
clamor to get paid.
Check out this comparison chart:
Where do your donations go?
Have FUN!
Dear Webby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn."
--- Benjamin Franklin
"A market is never saturated with a good product,
but it is very quickly saturated with a bad one."
--- Henry Ford
Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees."
Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
RS: "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin!
Jewish to oddor sunteen??"
G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."
RS: "Ow July den?"
G: "What??"
RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"
G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them?
Sorry, scrambled please."
RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"
G: "Crisp will be fine."
RS: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"
G: "What?"
RS: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"
G: "I don't think so."
RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what
'judo wan sahn toes' means."
RS: "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow
Anglish moppin we bodder?"
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine.
Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RS: "We bodder?"
G: "No...just put the bodder on the side."
RS: "Wad?"
G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
RS: "Copy?"
G: "Excuse me?"
RS: "Copy...tea...meel?"
G: "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem,
Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy....rye??"
G: "Whatever you say."
RS: "Tendjewberrymuds."
G: "You're very welcome."
A chubby young woman boards a plane to New York with a
ticket for the economy section. She looks at the seat in
economy and then looks into the forward cabin at the first
class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be
much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to
the last empty one.
The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman
that her seat is in economy. Chubby replies "I'm young and
beautiful and I'm going to sit here all the way to New York."
Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and
informs the captain of the problem. The captain goes back
and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in economy.
Again she replies "I'm young and beautiful and I'm going to sit
here all the way to New York."
The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns
to the cockpit to discuss the problem with the co-pilot. The co-pilot
says that he has a girlfriend like that and that he can take care of
the problem.
He then goes back and briefly whispers something in her ear. She
immediately gets up, says "thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot
and rushes back to her seat in the economy section.
The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention,
together ask the co-pilot what he said to the woman.
He replies "I just told her that the first class section
isn't going to New York."
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet
If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your
days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded
afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant
to disease, and have a much easier time using
healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then
this will be the most important message you ever
read. Start Eating for Energy!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Yes, I know, YOU never fart, but is there somebody you
know, who would benefit from this eBook?
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Joshua Stuart, 24 and Gregory Lampert, 26 in Bartok, Florida
Verizon Employee Stole Woman's Naked Photos
Reported by The Smoking Gun
Bartow cops say Joshua Stuart, 24, who works at a cellphone
store took personal nude pics from a customer's phone while
transferring her data to a new device.
Stuart then shared the pics with a co-worker, Gregory Lampert, 26.
The duo then showed the racy photos to a customer who
recognized the woman even without any clothes on, and then
contacted her.
The woman went to the police, who confiscated their cell phones
and a computer, and arrested one and put out an arrest warrant
for the other.
Some judge is going to throw the book at them.
Tech Support Pits
From: Regina
Re: Internet radio
Dear Webby
You have occasionally mentioned using Internet radio.
I have tried a few of them, but am not impressed. Some
of them have as many comercials as the local radio
stations, and are quite limited in their music selections.
Which one do you use, and how much does it cost?
Regina
Dear Regina
I use Accu Radio from http://accuradio.com
They have a huge selection of channels, andyou can "ban"
artists. For example, I dion't like screechers for background
music while I am working, so I ban those. There are plenty
of other artists.
Accuradio has visual ads, but they are no problem if you
got their screen running in the back, covered up by the
spreadsheet or word processor, where you work.
You can even browse with other browser windows open,
or minimize the one with Accuradio to an icon on the task
bar.
It has it's own volume control, that does not affect the
overall volume control. For example, I have Accuradio set
as fairly quiet background music, but have the little pop-up
Alarm set for maximum.
Accuradio gets along fine with Skype. When a voice or video
call comes in, it fades to a barely noticeable whisper, and
gives full volume to Skype.
There is no cost. Accuradio has always been free.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Make Brillo Pad Last Longer
To prevent a Brillo pad from getting rusty, rinse after use
then shake out all of the excess water. Make sure no more
water comes out when you shake it. I even hit the pad
against the sink wall a few times. The pad will last so
much longer!
By FI1969 from Catonsville, MD
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger
This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff,
that you won't keep up anyway."
These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey
MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process,
reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body.
Give "Old School - New Body" a try!
After driving up and down several lanes, I finally found a
parking spot at the shopping mall. I noticed another man
driving very slowly in the same direction, and, since he
was closer, I gave him the "Are you going to park there?"
look.
His responding gestures were very cofusing. First he shook
his head. Next he pointed at me, then at the parking space
and then at himself, his watch and the mall. Finishing off,
he frowned, raised his palms upward and shrugged. Once I
parked, I walked over to the driver to make sure he didn't
want the space.
"You must be single," he replied. "If you were married,
you would've known that was the universal sign for 'Go
ahead and take the spot. I'm waiting for my wife.'"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could
dampen her excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce.
Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would
be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her
father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress!
Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused.
"Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress,
and I'm ! wearing it," she replied.
Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind
sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day."
A few days later, they went! shopping and did find another
gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked
her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress?
You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."
Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear.
I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the
wedding! And I'll be there early."
Today in
1394 Jews are expelled from France by Charles VI
1679 Great panic occurs in Europe over the close approach of a comet
1762 Spain acquires Louisiana
1839 1st opium war-2 British frigates engage several Chinese junks
1885 Tacoma vigilantes drive out Chinese, burn their homes
1918 Austro-Hungarian Empire dissolves
1918 Poland proclaims independence from Russia after WW I
1927 Tropical storm flooding kills 84 in Winooski River Valley (Vt)
1930 1st vehicular tunnel to a foreign country (Detroit-Windsor)
1931 1st commercially produced synthetic rubber manufactured
1948 Truman beats Dewey, confounding pollsters & newspapers
1955 1st virus crystallized (announced)
1957 USSR launches Sputnik 2 with a dog (Laika)
1973 Mariner 10 launched-1st Venus pics, 1st mission to Mercury
1979 63 Americans taken hostage at US Embassy (Teheran, Iran)
1984 3,000 die in 3 day anti-Sikh riot in India
1986 Lebanese magazine Ash Shirra reveals secret US arms
sales to Iran
1988 Reagan signs credit-card disclosure-bill
1988 Soviet Union agrees to allow teaching of Hebrew
2012 smiled
Friday, November 2, 2012, 08:58 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, November 2
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
We had some nice hoar frost that lasted till mid afternoon.
No sun to light it up. Maybe tomorrow?
Have FUN!
Dear Webby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"Dictators ride to and fro upon tigers which they dare not
dismount. And the tigers are getting hungry."
--- Winston Churchill
Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length.
--- Robert Frost
Jason went to a psychiatrist "Nobody listens to me!"
The doctor yelled: "Next!"
You got to be nuts to go see a shrink!
A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed an
eternity. Looking up, looking down, measuring the distance,
figuring the wind direction and speed.
Driving his partner nuts.
Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so
long? Hit the blasted ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife and her mother are up there
watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a
perfect shot."
"Forget it, man, you'll never hit her from here!"
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet
If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your
days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded
afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant
to disease, and have a much easier time using
healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then
this will be the most important message you ever
read. Start Eating for Energy!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Yes, I know, YOU never fart, but is there somebody you
know, who would benefit from this eBook?
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Lisa Wagnon, 48, in Salado, Texas
Jailed for Having Sex With 15-Year-Old Student
Lisa Wagnon Facebook
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Lisa Wagnon, a 48-year-old teacher at Salado Intermediate
School was jailed Thursday after she allegedly had sex with
a 15-year-old student.
According to the Bell County Sheriff's Office, an investigation
was launched last Monday after a student told school administrators
that Wagnon was having a sexual relationship with a student.
School administrators questioned the alleged beneficiary, who
reportedly confirmed the relationship.
Investigators say Wagnon picked up the student from school,
drove him to her home and had sexual intercourse with him.
Detectives also obtained information from the beneficiary's
Facebook profile that further substantiate the allegations.
Wagnon, who worked as an elementary school reading teacher,
has since resigned her position with the district. Wagnon is
reportedly married with two teenage children.
Wagnon turned herself in to the Travis County Jail after an
arrest warrant had been published and was charged with
improper relationship between educator and student.
Her bond has been set at $10,000.
Picking a gossipy kid and yapping on Facebook finished her
career.
Tech Support Pits
From: Cleta
Re: MSN does not show the song video
Dear Webby
On my MSN mail the video would not play for me.
It said i had to go to you tube to listen to it.
But I do love that song.
Cleta
Dear Cleta
That is why I added the Youtube link below it.
You can also look at the Humor Letter Online.
Now that day's page, of course is in the Humor Letter Blog at
http://webby.com/humor/blog
There the Taliban at MSN can't censor your stuff.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Reuse a Bird Bath Base:
Recycle that base from your broken bird bath! Many times I
have rescued the bottom portions of those broken concrete
bird baths that are out for the trash.
Just turn them over and sink the narrow top end into the
ground by using a narrow bladed shovel or a post hole digger
until it is sitting stable in the dirt. The solid concrete bases can
be used as a plant display stand or you can put a large clay pot
saucer on the top for a bird bath.
By MaryCrane from Orange Park, FL
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger
This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff,
that you won't keep up anyway."
These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey
MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process,
reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body.
Give "Old School - New Body" a try!
I was recently talking with a friend who bemoaned her
family's lack of holiday rituals. "My family doesn't have
any traditions," she complained. "We just do the same
thing year after year after year."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
NASA reports that galaxies are speeding away
from earth at 90,000 miles a second. What do you
suppose they know that we don't?
Today in
1648 12,000 Jews massacred by Chmielnicki in Narol
1915 1st US election by proportional representation, Ashtabula, Ohio
1917 Balfour Declaration proclaims support for a Jewish state in Palestine
1947 Howard Hughes' "Spruce Goose" flies for 1st (& last) time
1948 Truman beats Dewey, confounding pollsters & newspapers
1956 Hungary appeals for UN assistance against Soviet invasion
1956 Israel captures Gaza and Sheham
1991 Jermaine Jackson releases "Word to the Badd!!" anti Michael song
2012 smiled
Thursday, November 1, 2012, 08:25 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, November 1
One of the fringe benefits of AccuRadio Internet radio is
seeing the info of what is playing. Right now they played
God Bless the U.S.A.
Artist: Lee Greenwood
Album: God Bless the U.S.A
Composer: P. Alger, G. Brooks
As I nudged the volume up, it occurred to me that
anybody singing or listeing to that, might get deprogrammed.
It is from the 80's, so if you want to refresh your memory,
here is a rendition of it on YouTube:
If that does not work in your email program, try this link:
God bless the USA
Have FUN!
Dear Webby
I moved the history column to the end.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"Great moments in science: Einstein discovers that time is actually money."
--- Gary Larson
A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings.
They dialed the number and then sang "Happy Birthday" to
him. But when they finished their off-key rendition, they
discovered that they had dialed the wrong number.
"Don't let it bother you," said a strange but amused voice.
"You folks need all the practice you can get."
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a
drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking
on newcomers. When he left the bar some time later, he
realized that his horse had been stolen.
The cowboy rushed back into the bar, handily flipped his gun
into the air, caught it above his head without even looking,
and then fired a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse!"
he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
"I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back
outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I did
back in Texas. And let me tell you, I don't wanna have to
do what I did back in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly.
The cowboy had another beer, then walked outside to find
his horse was back. So, he saddled up and prepared to ride
out of town.
The bartender wandered out of the bar and said, "Say
partner, what happened in Texas anyway?"
The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home!"
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet
If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your
days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded
afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant
to disease, and have a much easier time using
healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then
this will be the most important message you ever
read. Start Eating for Energy!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
It is fun to fart some of the time,
but there definitely are times, when it is better not to.
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Briana Motley, 19, in Dallas, Texas
Jailed After Dropping Infant On Head
While Fleeing Store Security
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Briana Motley, a 19-year-old Texas woman was jailed after
she dropped her baby daughter on her head while fleeing
store security personnel who was attempting to stop her
for shoplifting.
According to police, security officers at a Macy's department
store stopped Motley in the parking lot after she shoplifted
several items and then left the store without paying the
merchandise.
Investigators say security officers watched Motley as she
pushed a baby stroller around the store with a baby inside.
Motley was also observed stuffing jeans, shirts, sweaters,
leggings and other merchandise into the stroller before
exiting the store.
When security officers made contact with Motley, she
responded by grabbing the baby and attempting to flee the
scene. The escape attempt was short lived when Motley
reportedly dropped the infant on her head.
Paramedics called to the scene treated the baby for a
lump on the forehead.
Motley was booked into the Dallas County Jail and charged
with theft and injury to a child.
Tech Support Pits
From: Ginger
Re: Resize Windows
Dear Webby
I think you covered this before but I cannot remember what
the trick was to make sure all the windows I open are
maximized.
For some reason, about 2 weeks ago, all the new windows
I want to open come up minimized and I have to click to
enlarge them....
Thanks for your help – I always enjoy your computer tips.
Ginger
Dear Ginger
Which browser are you using?
Which Operating System are you using? XP or W7?
Normally that problem occurs only when you use
Internet Explorer. All the others have solved that
problem.
By the way, "Minimized" means all you have is an
icon on the task bar,
"Maximized" is when a program fills the entire screen
so that no other program peeks through on the side or
above or below it.
"Just Right" is when a program is open big enough to
comfortably use it, but leaves a margin open on the side
or top or bottom, where you see other icons or other
programs, or when you use two or more programs
side by side, for example a browser and an email
program.
"Just Right" is achieved with the bigger square at the
top right corner of a window, or by double-clicking the
top bar. Normally programs open again to the same
"Just Right" size and location the next time you open them.
"Just right" is the safest method. That way you can usually
see it, when a site opens something behind the top window.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
sorry – I am using Windows 7 Home Premium, 64 bit with
Internet Explorer.
What I mean by "minimized" is that the screens that open are
about 3x3" – too small to do anything with until I maximize them.
I would like them to open maximized....
thanks,
Ginger
Dear Ginger
3 x 3 is not minimized.
Minimized is OFF the screen and just an icon on the task bar.
Simply grab the edges of a 3 x 3 window and drag it to the size
you want, for example almost full screen with just some icons
peeking around it's edge.
Then it is "Just Right" ( NOT Maximized!)
Don't use the square at the right top for that, or double-
clicking on the top bar. Do it by dragging the edges of the
window.
THEN close that program, and re-open it. It will open in the
same size and position it was in, when you closed it.
That method does not work with Windows Media Player.
Microsoft programs are often not compatible with
Windows.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Using Disposable Tablecloths to Wrap Large Items
When wrapping larger Christmas gifts, instead of using a
lot of wrapping paper and tape, buy a holiday tablecloth
(Dollar Store or equivalent), and tie it at the top with
ribbon. It works wonderfully! This can be done with any
holiday or birthday present and is such a time saver.
By Dreamwvr from Spokane, WA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger
This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff,
that you won't keep up anyway."
These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey
MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process,
reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body.
Give "Old School - New Body" a try!
The recreational director of a mental hospital wanted to
take a well-behaved group of inmates to a baseball game.
The General Manager of the club was a little leery of this.
When the Recreational Director said: "If I prove to you how
well behaved they are, will you let them in?" The General
Director agreed.
The group of inmates came in and sat down. The
Recreational Director shouted:
"Stand up, nuts!" Everyone stood up.
"Sit down, nuts!" Everyone sat down.
"Look behind you, nuts!" Everyone turned around.
Pleased with that, the General Manager let them in.
About the third inning or so, he heard a tremendous commotion.
People were running helter skelter. He asked what happened
and was told that someone had called out: "PEA NUTS!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Work Phrases Explained
Activate:
Spellcheck and add more names to the memo.
Advanced Design:
Beyond the comprehension of the ad agency's copywriters.
All New:
Parts not interchangeable with existing models.
Approved:
Needs revising
Automatic:
Not repairable by user
Channels:
The trails left by interoffice memos.
Clarify:
To fill in the background with so many details
that the foreground goes underground.
Conference:
A place where conversation is substituted for the
loneliness of thought and the dreariness of labor.
Confidential Memo:
No time to photocopy for the whole office.
Consultant:
Someone who borrows your watch to tell you what time it is
and then walks away with the watch.
Forwarded For Your Consideration:
You hold the bag for a while.
FYI:
Found yesterday, interested?
In Conference:
Nobody can find him/her.
Let's Get Together On This:
I'm assuming you're as confused as I.
Note & Initial:
I'm not taking the fall for this myself.
Policy:
We can hide behind this.
Please See Me:
Come down to my office. I'm lonely/bored.
Top Priority:
It is rather stupid, but the boss wants it.
We Are Taking A Survey:
We need more time to think of an answer/excuse
or we can't find anyone willing to be responsible for this.
Will Advise In Due Course:
If we figure it out, we'll let you know.
Today in
79 Pompei buried by Mt Vesuvius
1210 King John of England begins imprisoning Jews
1512 Michelangelo's paintings on ceiling of Sistine Chapel
1755 Lisbon earthquake kills more than 50,000
1894 Vaccine for diphtheria announced by Dr Roux of Paris
1922 Ottoman Empire abolished
1928 Graf Zeppelin sets airship distance record of 6384 km
1932 Wernher von Braun named head of German
liquid-fuel rocket program
1939 1st jet plane, Heinkel He 178
1951 1st atomic explosion witnessed by troops, NM
1952 1st H-Bomb exploded at Eniwetok Atoll
1956 Nagy government of Hungary withdraws from Warsaw Pact
1962 Greece enters the European Common Market
1963 Revolt against the Diem regime in South Vietnam
1979 Federal government made $1.5 billion loan to Chrysler
1979 Tanker Burmah Agate off Galveston Bay, Texas, spills 10.7 M
gallons of oil, in US's worst oil spill disaster
1990 Sandra Miller awarded $100 for Mike Tyson fondling her
breasts
2012 smiled
Wednesday, October 31, 2012, 09:50 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, October 31
Happy Halloween!
Have FUN!
Dear Webby
Today in
1517 Luther posts 95 theses on Wittenberg church-
Protestant Reformation
1815 Sir Humphrey Davy of London patents miner's safety lamp
1952 1st thermonuclear bomb (H-Bomb) detonated-Marshall Islands
1954 Algerian Revolution against French begins
1956 Britain & France begin to bomb Egypt to reopen the Suez Canal
1968 President Johnson orders a halt to all bombing of North Vietnam
1984 Puerto Rican tanker, San Francisco explodes spilling 2 million
gallons of oil as the ship caught fire
1987 A pair in Coventry, England ties the world record for the longest
singles tennis match at 80 hrs 21 minutes
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Life is just one damned thing after another.
--- Elbert Hubbard
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves,
and good fortune to others.
--- Ambrose Bierce
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments
with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment
to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked,
"Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers
and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,
"Thou shall not kill."
>From Rosie
Dear Webby,
a few years ago you had a hilarious diary of a snow shoveler.
Have you still got it, and could please you print it again ?
Rosie
Sure, Rosie!
Here it is:
Diary of a Snow Shoveler:
December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow
of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and
sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes
drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses
Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.
I love snow!
December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal
white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What
a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the
Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever
had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a
boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered
up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to
shovel again. What a perfect life!
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow.
Such a disappointment.
My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a
white Christmas.
No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll
have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never
want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible.
Bob is such a nice man I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14: Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The
temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything
sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed
up by shoveling the driveway And sidewalks. This is the life!
The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything
again. l didn't realize I would have to do quite this much
shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish
l wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought
a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2
extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood
stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We
aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my rear end
on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like you
can't believe. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think
was very cruel.
December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy
to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile
the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the
wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a
wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when
she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own
living room.
December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14"
of the stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. That
dumb snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor
kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey.
I think they're lying.
December 21: Called the only hardware store around to
see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have
another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I
have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.
I think he's lying.
December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas
because 13 more inches of the white crud fell today, and
it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45
minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and
then I had to use the bathroom. By the time I got undressed,
went, and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to
hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter;
but he says he's too busy. I'm sure he is lying.
December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0.
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this
morning. What is she nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do
that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.
December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow,
I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I
ever catch the son of a gun who drives that snowplow, I'll
drag him through the snow by his ears. I know he hides around
the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he
comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws
snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted
me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents,
but I was busy watching for that snowplow.
December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the
miserable slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling
makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow!
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation
and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I
have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch
"It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to scream!
December 26: Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here?
It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
December 28: Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in.
THE B***CH is driving me crazy!!!!!
December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the
roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard.
How dumb does he think I am?
December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing
me for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother.
Nine more inches of snow predicted.
December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more
shoveling.
January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills
they keep giving me.
Why am I tied to the bed?
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet
If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your
days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded
afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant
to disease, and have a much easier time using
healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then
this will be the most important message you ever
read. Start Eating for Energy!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
It is fun to fart some of the time,
but there definitely are times, when it is better not to.
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Jayme Sanders, 33, in Williamston, S.C.
PTO President jailed for screwing daughter's
boyfriend for 5 months
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Jayme Sanders, a 33-year-old Parent Teacher Organization
(PTO) president, has been jailed after she allegedly had
sex repeatedly with a 14-year-old student.
According to Williamston Police, an investigation began
last month when the boy's mother reported the alleged
relationship.
Investigators say Sanders met the boy when he became
friends with her teenage daughter.
Some time in April of this year, Sanders reportedly began
having sex with the boy. The alleged sexual relationship
continued for 5 months.
Police believe the sexual encounters took place at Sanders
home and inside a portable classroom at Palmetto Middle
School where Sanders is the PTO president.
Sanders is also a former substitute teacher at West Pelzer
Elementary School.
Sanders was booked into jail and charged with criminal
sexual conduct with a minor.
Tech Support Pits
From: Bonnie
Re: Boss Key
Dear Webby
I have a really incompetent department boss, who is paranoid
that everybody might be goofing around instead of working as
much as she probably is. For my work I DO have to look things
up, but if she walks by and sees something, that does not
look boring, she stops and asks all kinds of dumb questions
and just wastes my time.
At one time you mentioned a key combo, that quickly hides what
you are doing, but I forgot what it is and how to set it up.
Can you please tell me again?
Thanks
Bonnie
Dear Bonnie
First open your most tedious looking spreadsheet to full
screen size. Hit the Print Screen button to print it to memory,
then jump to a graphics program and paste it as a new image.
CTRL V works for that in standard programs.
Save that to a place, that you can find easily.
Browse to it with the FILE Explorer.
Right-click it, and select: Set as background.
OK, now your computer is primed and ready.
When Ms Snoop waddles into sight, hold down the
Windows key and hit D.
All program screens instantly close, showing your desktop,
which is a picture of a spreadsheet.
Stare at the picture of the spreadsheet with furrowed brow,
as if YOU are about to ask stupid questions.
When the coast is clear, hit the Windows key and D again,
and everything is miraculously restored.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Recycle Plastic Lemons as a Vase
I emptied this little lemon juice container and thought of
using it for my kitchen counter with a few fresh flowers
from the yard. I usually have something blooming year round,
so a bloom or two brightens my day.
Source: On a quest to recycle.
By Great Granny Vi from Moorpark, CA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger
This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff,
that you won't keep up anyway."
These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey
MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process,
reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body.
Give "Old School - New Body" a try!
"Periodic Elements"
Valuable scientific data. Two proposed new additions to the
periodic table (from Chemistry class)elements:
Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there)
Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing
and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly.
Very bitter if mishandled.
Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses
strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic
food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion
of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180+/-50)
Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out
of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to
find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to
conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it
can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes
explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child)for prolonged
period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good specimens
are able to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes
and begins to smell.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a
couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside
heavens gate waiting on St. Peter to do the paperwork so
they can enter.
While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get
married in heaven.
St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says,
"I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked.
Let me go find out," and he leaves.
The couple sit for a few months and begin to wonder
if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the
eternal aspect of it all. What if it doesn't work out?" they
wonder. "Are we stuck together forever?"
St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat
bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple,
"you can get married in Heaven."
"Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out?
Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground.
"What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple.
"Good Grief!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me NINE months
to find a priest up here! It would take me damn near as
long to find a lawyer!"
Tuesday, October 30, 2012, 06:01 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, October 30
>From Nan
Bob will be doing "The Alex Jones Show" tomorrow,
Oct 30 at 12 noon Pacific time. He will be speaking about
Weather Control. Bob testified before the US Senate in 1995
regarding Weather Control (and other things) ..and they
mocked him...A few years ago the Congress initiated a bill
to control weather manipulation as a weapon
Who was right??? If you cannot listen at that time ..it will be
on again on the Alex's website and it usually hits you-tube also!
http://www.infowars.com/
Nan and Bob have been subscribers for many years.
If you are interested or concerned about weather control
and chem-trails, listen to Bob!
Have FUN!
Dear Webby
Today in
1270 8th & last crusade is launched
1864 Helena, Montana's capital, founded
1888 1st ballpoint pen patented
1905 "October Manifesto" Russian Tsar Nicholas II grants civil liberties
1930 Turkey & Greece sign a treaty of friendship
1938 Orson Welles panics a nation with broadcast of "War of the Worlds"
1948 20 die & 6,000 made ill by smog in Donora Pennsylvania
1961 Soviet Union tests a 58 megaton hydrogen bomb
1967 USSR Kosmos 186 & 188 make 1st automatic docking
1980 Honduras & El Salvador settle their boundary dispute
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Life is just one damned thing after another.
-=- Elbert Hubbard
The most erroneous stories are those we think we know best
- and therefore never scrutinize or question.
--- Stephen Jay Gould
A man was on his way home with a new car, which was
absorbing all his attention, when it struck him that he had
forgotten something.
Twice he stopped, counted his parcels, searched his
pockets, but finally decided he had everything with him.
Yet the feeling persisted.
When he reached home his daughter ran out, stopped
short, and cried: "Daddy, where's Mommy?"
That evening a group of parishioners came to visit. The preacher
and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate
several Bible verses. The visitors were amazed. Finally, one
man asked, "Can he do normal dog tricks too?"
"Let's see" said the preacher. Pointing his finger at the dog, he
commanded "Heel!" The dog immediately jumped up on a chair,
placed one paw on the preacher's forehead and began to howl.
The preacher turned to his wife and exclaimed "Good grief,
we've bought a Pentecostal dog!"
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet
If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your
days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded
afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant
to disease, and have a much easier time using
healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then
this will be the most important message you ever
read. Start Eating for Energy!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
It is fun to fart some of the time,
but there definitely are times, when it is better not to.
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Rose Woolbright, 30, Bowling Green, Kentucky
Rose Woolbright - Mother Jailed After
Pimping Out Underage Daughter For Cash
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Rose Marie Woolbright, a 30-year-old Kentucky woman was
jailed Thursday after she allegedly pimped out her 13-year-old
daughter to two men in exchange for money.
According to Warren County Prosecutors, Woolbright allegedly
allowed two men to engage in sex acts with a 13-year-old girl
in exchange for cash.
Investigators say the two men, on one occasion, had a
threesome with the girl and videotaped the encounter.
The case marks the first time an arrest like this has been
made in Warren County and is only the 13th such incident
in the state of Kentucky.
Woolbright was booked into jail and charged with human
trafficking, unlawful transaction with a minor and second-
degree sodomy.
The two men involved in the alleged incidents were also
arrested and charged.
Chad Simmons, 37, was charged with two counts of sodomy
and two counts of first-degree unlawful transaction with a
minor.
Pedro Diaz, 28, was charged with second-degree rape.
The case will now be presented to a grand jury for
indictment.
Tech Support Pits
From: Jorge
Re: How do I make that Hibernate shortcut
Dear Webby
Thank you for the info about hibernating your computer:
"If you want, you can even make a shortcut icon for Hibernation:
Target:
C:\Windows\System32\rundll32.exe powrprof.dll,SetSuspendState 0,1,0
Start In: C:\Windows\System32 "
So how do I apply that? What are the mechanics?
Do I put the code in a text file?
Then what? How does one activate a shortcut?
Sorry to be so dense on the subject, but I just have never
gotten into that before!
Thanks!
Best personal regards,
Jorge
Dear Jorge
Sorry, I should have been a bit more specific.
Right-click on the Desktop
NEW
Shortcut
then into: "Location of the item" paste:
C:\Windows\System32\rundll32.exe powrprof.dll,SetSuspendState 0,1,0
Next
Type Hiber or something like that for the icon title
Finish
If you want, change the icon.
That's all there is to it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Recycle Plastic Lemons as a Vase
I emptied this little lemon juice container and thought of
using it for my kitchen counter with a few fresh flowers
from the yard. I usually have something blooming year round,
so a bloom or two brightens my day.
Source: On a quest to recycle.
By Great Granny Vi from Moorpark, CA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger
This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff,
that you won't keep up anyway."
These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey
MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process,
reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body.
Give "Old School - New Body" a try!
From Sheila in Oz
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he
stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the
neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Here is a delightful Classic:
The Heberts were unable to conceive children, and decided
to use a surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Hebert
kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here
soon".
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
Good morning madam.
I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. Come in," Mrs. Hebert cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! My specialty is
babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and
have a seat."
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
Photographer - "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the
bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed.
Sometimes the living room floor is fun too. You can really
spread out!"
Wife - "Bathtub, couch, bed, living room floor? No wonder it
didn't work for my husband and me."
Photographer - "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one
every time. But! if we try several different positions and I shoot from
six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
Wife - "My, my, that's a lot of...."
Photographer - "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take
his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be
disappointed with that, I'm sure."
(Wife muttering)- "Don't I know it."
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a
portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus."
Wife - "Oh my goodness!"
Photographer - "And these twins turned out exceptionally well,
when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
Wife - "She was difficult?"
Photographer - "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to
the park to get the job done right. People were crowding
around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
Wife - "Four and five deep?" (eyes wide in amazement).
Photographer - "Yes, and for more than three hours, too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could
hardly concentrate! Then darkness approached and I began
to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling
on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Wife (leaning forward) - "You mean they actually chewed on
your.....equipment?"
Photographer - "That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll
set up my tripod so that we can get to work."
Wife - "Tripod?"
photographer - "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon
on. It's much too big for me to hold very long.
Madam? Madam? Good Lord, she's fainted!"
Monday, October 29, 2012, 10:14 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, October 29
Have FUN!
Dear Webby
Today in
539 -BC- Babylon falls to Cyrus the Great of Persia
1682 William Penn lands in what will become Pennsylvania
1727 Severe earthquake in New England
1811 1st Ohio River steamboat leaves Pittsburgh for New Orleans
1929 "Black Tuesday," Stock Market crashes triggers "Great Depression"
1942 16,000 Jews killed in Pinsk Russia
1942 Alaska highway completed
1945 1st ball point pen goes on sale, 57 years after it was patented
1988 China announces a herbal male contraceptive
Today is Labor Day in New Zealand
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Abortion is advocated only by persons who have
themselves been born.
--- Ronald Reagan
In a hat shop a saleslady gushed: "That's the hat for you!
It makes you look ten years younger."
"Then I don't want it," retorted the customer. "I certainly
can't afford to put on ten years every time I take off my
hat!"
>From Britta
My sister and I are close, and that allows us to be honest
with each other. One evening as I prepared for a date,
I remarked, "I'm fat."
"No, you're not," she scolded.
"My hair is awful," I said.
"It's lovely," she encouraged.
"I've never looked worse," I whined.
And she said, "Oh, yes, you have!"
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet
If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your
days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded
afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant
to disease, and have a much easier time using
healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then
this will be the most important message you ever
read. Start Eating for Energy!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
It is fun to fart some of the time,
but there definitely are times, when it is better not to.
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Darien Caruso and James Hardy, 19, in Bradenton, Florida
Idiots Get Lost While Fleeing Burglary,
End Up Back At Crime Scene
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Darien Caruso and James Hardy, two 19-year-old Bradenton
boneheads were jailed Sunday after they allegedly burglared
a residence, got lost while fleeing, and unintentionally
ended up back at the crime scene.
According to the Manatee County Sheriff's Office, a witness
called police after two men were seen burglaring a home and
then fleeing the residence with several items.
While officers were investigating the scene, the suspects
arrived back at the crime scene in the vehicle they used to
flee the scene with.
When officers stopped the car and searched it, they found
several items that belonged to the victims laying in plain view.
When police questioned them, they admitted that they had
burglared the residence, but had become lost while trying to
find a way out of the neighborhood.
Caruso and Hardy were booked into the Manatee County Jail
and charged with armed burglary.
Tech Support Pits
From: Donna
Re: Sleep or turn off
Hi Webby...
maybe you can help me...
Usually I just put my computer into sleep mode overnight and
for the few hours I'm at work.
I recently read something that said because there is still
power to the memory and other parts of the computer, putting
it to sleep is actually harder on the computer than turning it off
and back on because of heat retention.
What do YOU think?
Thanks for your newsletter, I read it daily and love it!
Donna
Dear Donna
The computer has fans, that take care of the heat,
while it is running. If it is completely turned off and unplugged,
then of course the fans can't do any cooling.
Don't worry about night time heating from the computer.
Hibernate is probably the best, unless you expect it to do
virus scans and defrags at night.
Just plan what you want done on which nights. On those
nights leave it running normally, and on nights, when there
are no chores, set it to hibernate.
It comes out of hibernation faster than from a cold start,
and all your programs are the same as they were when you
told it to Hibernate.
If you want, you can even make a shortcut icon for Hibernation:
Target:
C:\Windows\System32\rundll32.exe powrprof.dll,SetSuspendState 0,1,0
Start In: C:\Windows\System32
When you hit that shortcut icon, it goes into hibernation instantly,
without asking any silly questions about whether you really, really
mean it, deep down inside. It just does as told, and when you hit the
power on button the next day, it starts up with each program
as it was.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Dust Cakes With Powdered Sugar Instead of Frosting
When my mother used to have friends over in the evening
she wanted to serve a snack (cake and coffee) but most
of them were elderly and would turn down the cake
because of the frosting.
The problem was solved by using a round single layer cake.
Buy 8-inch doilies, place a doily on top of the cake, and
sprinkled it lightly with confectioner's sugar. Remove the doily
and you have a lacy design on the cake without all of the icing.
By Clynnaltemus from Inglis, FL
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger
This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff,
that you won't keep up anyway."
These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey
MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process,
reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body.
Give "Old School - New Body" a try!
Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf,
and one remarked how for Christmas this year he'd love
to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and
without an argument go directly to the golf course,
meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it!
We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here
early, Christmas morning."
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there
they are on the golf course.
The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I
bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take
her eyes off it."
Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home
planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs
in brochures."
Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her
new car, reading the manual."
They all turned to the last guy in the group and he is
staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't
believe you all went to such expense for this golf game.
I slapped my wife on the behind and said,
'Well babe, is it sex or golf?'
and she said,
"Take a sweater."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A woman went to see her lawyer, taking with her a baby and
four children under the age of five.
"I want a divorce," she said.
"On what grounds?" he asked.
"Desertion, sir," she said.
"Desertion?" he asked, looking at the five young children.
"Well," she confided, "he does come home every Mothers Day
to apologize."
Sunday, October 28, 2012, 10:25 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, October 28
Last night's 7.7 earth quake in BC luckily did not seem to
cause any injury or damage. Some of you probably wondered
where that "Haida Gwaii", that the news mentioned, is.
That is the new (since 2010) and politically correct name
now for the Queen Charlotte islands. Eventually the maps
will be showing the new name.
Have FUN!
Dear Webby
Today in
1492 Christopher Columbus discovers Cuba
1636 Harvard University (Boston) established
1793 Eli Whitney applies for a patent on the cotton gin
1886 Statue of Liberty dedicated by Pres Grover Cleveland,
it is celebrated by the 1st confetti (ticker tape) parade in NYC
1891 Quake strikes Mino-Owari, Japan kills 7,300
1904 St Louis police try a new investigation method-fingerprints
1922 1st coast-to-coast radio broadcast of a football game
1922 Benito Mussolini takes control of Italy's government
1940 Greece successfully resists Italy's attack
1962 Khrushchev orders withdrawal of missiles from Cuba, ending crisis
1946 German rocket engineers, that have not been hauled to the US in 1945,
begin work in USSR
1988 Microsoft cofounder Paul Allen gives $10 million to U Wash library
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The average man, who does not know what to do with his life,
wants another one which will last forever.
--- Anatole France
A sense of duty is useful in work, but offensive in personal
relations. People wish to be liked, not be endured with
patient resignation.
--- Bertrand Russell
Lory, was driving down the street in a sweat because she had
an important doctors appointment and couldn't find a parking
place.
Looking up toward heaven, she said "Lord, take pity on me.
If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday
for the rest of my life and give up margaritas."
Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Lory looked up
again and said,
"Never mind. I found one."
Not long after his marriage, Joe Jr and his
father Joe Sr, met for lunch.
"Well, son," asked Joe Sr, "how is married
life treating you?"
"Not very well, I'm afraid," sighed junior.
"It seems I married a nun."
"A nun?" his father questioned.
"That's right," moaned Joe Jr. "None in
the morning, none at night, and none at
all unless I beg!"
Joe Sr nodded knowingly and slapped his
boy on the back a couple of times.
"Why don't we all get together for dinner
tonight and have a nice talk?"
Young Joe smiled, "Say, Dad, that's a great
idea!"
"Fine," replied Joe Sr, "I'll call home and tell the Mother
Superior to set two extra plates."
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet
If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your
days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded
afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant
to disease, and have a much easier time using
healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then
this will be the most important message you ever
read. Start Eating for Energy!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
It is fun to fart some of the time,
but there definitely are times, when it is better not to.
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Amanda Barker, 32, Mannington, W. Va.
Cheerleading Coach - Charged With Having Sex
With 16-Year-Old Student
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Amanda Barker, a 32-year-old cheerleading coach at North
Marion High School has been jailed after she allegedly had
sex with a 16-year-old student.
According to police, an investigation was launched after a
student reported the alleged sexual assault to the school's
assistant principal.
Investigators say school administrators questioned the boy
about the allegations which the boy denied initially.
The student then admitted to having sex with Barker on three
occasions at her home in Mannington. He went on to say that
he spent a lot of time with Barker at her home because she
was a friend of the family and her husband, Josh Barker,
had coached him in soccer.
The boy went on to say that Barker performed oral sex on
him during each encounter on the couch in her living room.
Barker's husband was reportedly asleep in a bedroom when
the alleged sex occurred.
When investigators questioned Barker, she initially denied
the charges but later admitted to them, according to an
arrest affidavit.
Barker was booked into jail and charged with three counts
of child sexual abuse by a person in a position of trust.
She was released after posting a $15,000 bond.
Tech Support Pits
From: Chris
Re: Which cookies are safe?
Dear Webby,
I have been fanatically getting rid of cookies for many
years, but more and more people, especially the banks,
tell me to leave them alone and not f***, ahem mess with
them.
What's the real story?
Thanks
Chris
Dear Chris
I agree with the banks. Don't mess with the cookies.
In the 90's some sites stored more than necessary
information in cookies, which led to abuse. However,
by the late 90's everybody had smartened up and cookies
became safe.
For example, the banks don't store account info or anything
confidential in cookies, but IF you have successfully entered
your user name and password, then they look for a stashed
cookie, that tells them that it is indeed you, and not just
somebody, who read the user name and password from where
you had written them onto a post-it-note.
Without that cookie, they dump your password and make you
jump through all kinds of hoops, just to verify it is really you.
The same with many other sites, that require you to enter
the same old stuff again and again.
Leave the cookies alone and the net becomes a much
friendlier place.
It's not the cookies, it's the places you go to, that should
be of concern. Malicious and fraudulent sites don't bother
with cookies, they sneak a virus or trojan onto you, or a
flakey tool bar, that is difficult to get rid of. When you
notice something like that, get outa there fast
and don't go back.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Wooden Spoon When Cooking Fudge
When making fudge, use a wooden spoon not metal.
Heat from the fudge will go to the spoon and it takes
longer for the fudge to come to the right stage.
By Janette from Parkersburg, WV
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger
This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff,
that you won't keep up anyway."
These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey
MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process,
reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body.
Give "Old School - New Body" a try!
A Newfie decides to travel across Canada to see the Pacific
Ocean.When he gets to Nanaimo, he likes the place so much
that he decides to stay. But first he must find a job. He walks
into the MacMillan-Bloedel office and fills out an application
as an "Experienced logger."
It's his lucky day. They just happen to be looking for someone.
But first, the bush foreman takes him for a ride in the bush
in the company pickup truck to see how much he knows.
The foreman stops the truck on the side of the road and
points at a tree. "See that tree over there? I want you to
tell me what species it is and how many board feet of
lumber it contains."
The Newfie promptly answers, "It's a Sitka Spruce and
contains 383 board feet of lumber."
The foreman is impressed. He puts the truck in motion
and stops again about a mile down the road. He points
at another tree through the passenger door window.
He asks the same question.
This time, it's a bigger tree of a different class. "It's a
Douglas Fir, it has 690 board feet." says the Newfie.
Now the foreman is really impressed. The Newfie has
answered quickly and got the answers right without even
using a calculator! One more test.
They drive a little farther down the road, and the foreman
stops again. This time, he points across the road through
his driver side window. "And what about that one?"
Before the foreman finishes pointing, the Newfie says,
"A Yellow cedar, 242 board feet."
The foreman spins the truck around and heads back to the
office. He's a little annoyrf because he thinks that the
Newfie is smarter than he is. As they near the office, the
foreman stops the truck, and asks the Newfie to step
outside. He hands him a piece of chalk and tells him,
"See that tree over there. I want you to mark an X on the
front of that tree.
"The foreman thinks to himself, "Idiot! How does he know
which is the front of the tree? "
When the Newfie reaches the tree, he goes around it in a
circle while looking at the ground. He then reaches up
and places a white X on the trunk.
He comes back to the foreman and hands him the chalk.
"That is the front of the tree," the Newfie states.
The foreman laughs to himself and asks sarcastically,
"How in the heck do you know that's the front of the tree?"
The Newfie looks down at his feet, while moving the toe of
his left boot clockwise in the gravel, replies,
"Cuz someone used the back side for an outhouse."
He got the job!!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Three golfing partners died in a car wreck and went to heaven.
Upon arrival they discover the most beautiful golf course they
have ever seen. St. Peter tells them that they are all welcome to
play the course, but he cautions them that there is only one rule:
Don't hit the ducks.
The men all have blank expressions, and finally one of them asks
"The ducks?"
"Yes", St. Peter replies, "There are millions of ducks walking
around the course and if one gets hit, he squawks then the one
next to him squawks and soon they're all squawking to beat the
band and it really breaks the tranquility. If you hit the ducks,
you'll be punished, otherwise everything is yours to enjoy."
Upon entering the course, the men noted that there were indeed
large numbers of ducks everywhere. Within fifteen minutes, one
of the guys hit one of them. The duck squawked, the one next to
it squawked and soon there was a deafening roar of duck quacks.
St. Peter walked up with an extremely homely woman in tow and asked
"Who hit the duck?" The guy who had done it admitted "I did."
St. Peter immediately pulled out a pair of handcuffs and cuffed the
man's right hand to the homely woman's left hand. "I told you not to
hit the ducks," he said. "Now you'll be handcuffed together for eternity."
The other two men were very cautious not to hit any ducks, but a
couple of weeks later, one of them accidentally did. The quacks were as
deafening as before and within minutes St. Peter walked up with an even
uglier woman.
St.Peter determined which one had hit the duck by the fear in his
face and cuffed the man's right hand to the homely woman's left hand.
I told you not to hit the ducks," he said. "Now you'll be handcuffed
together for eternity."
The third man was extremely careful. Some days he wouldn't even move
for fear of even nudging a duck. After three months of this he still
hadn't hit a duck. St. Peter walked up to the man at the end of the three
months and had with him a knock-out gorgeous woman, the most beautiful
woman the man had ever seen.
St. Peter smiled to the man and then, without a word, handcuffed
him to the beautiful woman and walked off.
The man, knowing that he would be handcuffed to this woman for
eternity, let out a sigh and said "What have I done to deserve this?"
The woman responded "I don't know about you, but I hit a duck."
Saturday, October 27, 2012, 11:33 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, October 27
Have FUN!
Dear Webby
Today in
1492 Cuba "discovered": Discovery Day
1775 US Navy established
1810 US annexes West Florida from Spain
1925 Water skis patented by Fred Waller
1938 DuPont announces its new synthetic fiber "nylon"
1959 Rare Pacific hurricane kills 2,000 in Western Mexico
1969 Ralph Nader sets up a consumer organization
1980 Dave Gryllis sets world bicycle speed record of 94.37 kph
1982 China announces its population at 1 billion people
1988 "ET" released to home video (14 million presold)
1988 Larry Flynt paid hitman $1M to kill Hefner, Guccione & Sinatra
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight
Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns
hideous clothing.
--- Dave Barry
I went to the store the other day to pick out a new tie for
an upcoming wedding. I found one that matched my suit but
it didn't have a price tag on it. So I asked the clerk, "Hey,
buddy, how much is this tie?"
He said, "Sixty-five dollars."
I said, "What! I can buy a pair of shoes with that kind of
money."
He said, "Maybe, but with your neck, shoes would look
silly."
I'll get one from the Salvation Army for a dollar.
While picking up some stuff for a neighbor at the dry-cleaning
shop, I overheard a young airman describe in great detail
how he wanted his uniform cleaned and pressed. When he
finished, the counter clerk asked, "Are you getting an award,
or do you have an important military function to attend?"
"Nothing like that," the airman said. "I'm on leave and my l
ittle brother is taking me to his second-grade class for
'Show-n-Tell.' "
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet
If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your
days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded
afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant
to disease, and have a much easier time using
healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then
this will be the most important message you ever
read. Start Eating for Energy!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
It is fun to fart some of the time,
but there definitely are times, when it is better not to.
If that link to that cute little movie does not work, try this:
One Last KissAn INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Heather Atkins, 26, in Columbia, SC
Charged With Crying Rape After Woman Catches
Her Naked In Shower With Her Boyfriend
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Heather Atkins, a 26-year-old Columbia woman was jailed after
she falsely claimed that she had been raped,
when actually she was caught in the shower with another
woman's boyfriend.
According to the Columbia Police Department, Atkins told
detectives she received a black eye during a sexual assault
on Friday.
Investigators say Atkins told them that she was punched in
the face and then dragged to a secluded area by two black
men who proceeded to rape and then rob her.
"After three days of investigating this case, investigators
discovered that this whole story was a lie," according to
Columbia Police Chief, Randy Scott. "She lied to the
Columbia Police Department, she lied to her family, she
lied to the public and she broke the trust of the people
around her."
Investigators say Atkins had actually gone to the home of
a male co-worker and received her black eye when the man's
girlfriend caught the two naked in the shower and punched
her in the face.
Atkins was booked into jail and charged with filing a false
police report. She was released after posting a
$20,000 bond.
Tech Support Pits
From: Chris
Re: Which cookies are safe?
Dear Webby,
I have been fanatically getting rid of cookies for many
years, but more and more people, especially the banks,
tell me to leave them alone and not f***, ahem mess with
them.
What's the real story?
Thanks
Chris
Dear Chris
I agree with the banks. Don't mess with the cookies.
In the 90's some sites stored more than necessary
information in cookies, which led to abuse. However,
by the late 90's everybody had smartened up and cookies
became safe.
For example, the banks don't store account info or anything
confidential in cookies, but IF you have successfully entered
your user name and password, then they look for a stashed
cookie, that tells them that it is indeed you, and not just
somebody, who read the user name and password from where
you had written them onto a post-it-note.
Without that cookie, they dump your password and make you
jump through all kinds of hoops, just to verify it is really you.
The same with many other sites, that require you to enter
the same old stuff again and again.
Leave the cookies alone and the net becomes a much
friendlier place.
It's not the cookies, it's the places you go to, that should
be of concern. Malicious and fraudulent sites don't bother
with cookies, they sneak a virus or trojan onto you, or a
flakey tool bar, that is difficult to get rid of. When you
notice something like that, get outa there fast
and don't go back.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cardboard Fabric Liners For Storage
Use the inner cardboard liners from bolts of fabrics to store
your fabric. Stores will give them to you if you ask. Cut them
in half and use them to wrap individual yardages around and
store, upright, in those legal-sized cardboard boxes you get
from office supply stores. You have only to glance at the top
of the box to see what fabric you have in storage and each
piece of fabric is the same size and standing straight up in
the box.
By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger
This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff,
that you won't keep up anyway."
These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey
MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process,
reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body.
Give "Old School - New Body" a try!
A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian.
"What is it made of?" she asked.
"Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied.
"I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much
to you as pearls do to us."
"Oh no," he objected. "Any idiot can open an oyster."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
In England apparently they still have a Milkman:
"Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one."
"Please leave an extra pint of paralyzed milk."
"Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it"
"Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds
keep pecking the tops off the milk."
"Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby
and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks."
"Sorry about yesterday's note. I didn't mean one egg and a
dozen pints, but the other way round."
"When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and
wake me because I want you 'to give me a hand to turn the
mattress."
My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before
you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle."
"Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two
months old and did not know about it until a neighbor told me."
"Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it."
"From now on please leave two pints every other day and one
pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays
when I don't want any milk."
My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of
cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table, because we
want to play bingo tonight."
"Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow,
for I wrote this note yesterday or is it today?"
"When you come with the milk please put the coal on the boiler,
let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door.
PS. Don't leave any milk."
"No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either
as he is dead until further notice."
Friday, October 26, 2012, 11:40 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, October 26
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
I sure can emphasize with those of you, who use Dial-Up.
Had totally forgotten how slow that is. Not surprisingly,
the slowest site of all was the one of Telus, my ISP.
Have FUN!
Dear Webby
Today in
1825 Erie Canal between Hudson River & Lake Erie opened
1863 Worldwide Red Cross organized in Geneva
1881 Shootout at the OK corral, in Tombstone, Az
1905 Union of Sweden & Norway ends
1916 Margaret Sanger arrested for obscenity
(advocating birth control)
1949 Pres Truman increases minimum wage from 40 cents to
75 cents
1956 UN's International Atomic Energy Agency statute approved
1956 Vietnam promulgates its constitution
1967 Shah of Iran crowns himself after 26 years on Peacock Throne
1988 Donald Trump bills Mike Tyson $2,000,000 for
4 month advisory service
1988 US-Soviet effort free 2 grey whales from frozen Arctic, Barrow, AK
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Look for the ridiculous in everything and you will find it.
--- Jules Renard
The love of truth lies at the root of much humor.
--- Robertson Davies
Ability will never catch up with the demand for it.
--- Malcolm Forbes
Truck Stop and Diner code, from the days,
when the people who worked there were English speaking locals:
Paint it red Put ketchup on an item
Java, Joe or a cup of mud Coffee
A blonde with sand Coffee with cream and sugar
Shake one in the hay Strawberry milkshake
Cackle fruit Eggs
Wreck 'em Scrambled eggs
Adam & Eve on a raft Two poached eggs on toast
On the hoof Any kind of meat cooked rare
Bloodhound in the Hay Hot dog and Sauerkraut
Whistleberries Baked beans
Frog sticks French fries
Paint a bow-wow red Gimme a hot dog with ketchup
Irish turkey Corned beef and cabbage
Zeppelins in a fog Sausages and mashed potatoes
Burn one Put a hamburger on the grill
Pin a rose on it Add onion to an order
Burn one; drag it through Hamburger with lettuce, tomato
the garden and pin a rose and onion
on it.
A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.
This new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall.
The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he
meant business!
The new CEO walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and
asked, "How much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young fellow looked at him and replied, "I make
$300 a week. Why?"
The CEO then handed the guy $1,200 in cash and screamed,
"Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back."
Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the
room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that
goof-off did here?"
From across the room came a voice, "Pizza delivery guy
from Domino's, waiting for the foreman to bring him today's list."
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet
If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your
days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded
afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant
to disease, and have a much easier time using
healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then
this will be the most important message you ever
read. Start Eating for Energy!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Reanna Douglas, 21, Lake Orion, Mich.
Coach - Charged With Having Sex
With 15-Year-Old Girl
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Reanna Douglas a 21-year-old girl's lacrosse coach at
Lake Orion High School has been jailed after she allegedly
had a sexual relationship with a 15-year-old female student.
According to the Douglas County Sheriff's Office, an
investigation was launched in August after the parents of
a 15-year-old girl contacted authorities about an alleged
sexual relationship that developed between Douglas and their
daughter.
Investigators say Douglas and the girl had an inappropriate
relationship that began after Douglas was contracted by the
school district to coach their girl's lacrosse team.
The school district terminated Douglas's contract shortly
after the allegations surfaced.
Douglas was booked into jail and charged with third-degree
criminal sexual conduct. Bond in her case has been
set at $15,000.
Tech Support Pits
From: Gretchen
Re: Card picked up notice
Dear Webby,
Hi, I have a general question that I hope you will answer.
I have sent 3 cards from Action Cat this month. However,
I only received a notice today that the card I had sent
this morning had been picked up later in the day. Is
this a new feature that was activated on the site to
automatically notify the sender when the card was picked
up between the 15th (when I had sent the previous card)
and today, the 25th? Or does it have anything to do with
how the card is opened? It has been so long since I have
received one of the cards from this site that I have forgotten
if there is something that asks if the recipient wants to notify
the sender that the card has been received. I would be very
appreciative if you could let me know, as I was very
anxious to be sure one of those cards had been received.
I couldn't call the recipient as she has one of those phones
that have the budgeted minutes and at the time I sent the card,
she was out of minutes. But as she was sick, I was very
concerned about her, so it would have greatly relieved me
to get the same message then as I did today.
Any information would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for your time and effort,
Sincerely
Gretchen
Dear Gretchen
We have had the "Picked Up Notification" since the days,
when you were still jail bait.
You CAN turn that feature off, but on most card sites,
the default is to send you a "Picked Up Notification".
The SENDER is the one, who decides whether or not
she gets that "Picked Up Notification".
If the recipient has a full mailbox or does not check her
email during the KEEP time, then the card falls off and
you don't get a "Picked Up Notification".
The KEEP time varies. Some sites have their KEEP time
set to 7 days, others as long as 30, but there is a definite
end somewhere. Even if a site's KEEP time is set for a
whole month, if the recipient does not go and open the card
in that time, then you won't get a "Picked Up Notification".
On the better card sites you can also send an Archive copy
to yourself, so that you can look up what you sent last time.
With frantic lovers, that feature is quite important too.
Just send a card to yourself to get familiar with the system
again.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keep Drawers Closed With Cellophane During a Move
When moving, be careful not to use tape on your furniture
to hold dresser or night stand drawers closed. The tape
can easily damage the finish, especially in hot weather.
Use a self clinging cellophane wrap. It can be purchased
on different size rolls at hardware stores, UPS, and office
supplies. It can be wrapped around lamps or fragile
items also.
By Linda from Arlington, TX
Cellophane is the noisy clear wrapping, that does not stretch.
I think she means a cling or shrink wrap like Saran Wrap.
Grocery stores have it in widths from 8" to 16".
Industrial and commercial suppliers have it in 24"to 60"
widths in mile long rolls at considerably lower prices.
If you use the big, fat commercial rolls, then when done,
give the left over roll to the next person, who moves,
so that your kids are not tempted to shrinkwrap your
car, or the principal's car. For kids, that stuff is hard
to resist!
They even use it across cat doors, just to make a youTube
movie of the surprised look on the cat's face, when it runs
into the invisible barrier. And of course toilets and bath
tubs are favorite targets too.
If you can't hide it, give it away!
Surprisingly, they don't play with the short and thin roll in
the kitchen drawer.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger
This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff,
that you won't keep up anyway."
These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey
MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process,
reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body.
Give "Old School - New Body" a try!
Catherine, a RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted her resignation. She was sure she'd have no trouble finding a new
position, because of the nursing shortage in her area.
She e-mailed cover letters to dozens of potential employers
and attached her resume to each one. Two weeks later,
Catherine was dismayed and bewildered that she had not
received even one request for an interview.
Finally she received a message from a prospective employer
that explained the reason she hadn't heard from anyone else.
It read: "Your resume was not attached as stated. I do, however,
want to thank you for the lasagna recipe."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer
heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer
heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of
sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you
Thursday, October 25, 2012, 02:11 PM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, October 25
Thanks, Miriam!
Sorry about the late delivery. Telus, the ISP, had a major
malfunction. With the phone on speaker, I listened for
hours to their crappy elevator music and:
"Pwease continue to houd foa the nepst avaiwable tservif
repwesentative."
Considering the length of time on hold, their problem must
be awefully wide spread.
Finally got through to "the nepst avaiwable tservif
repwesentative". They do have a major station f***-up
and it may take a few days to get stuff replaced.
Crawling onto the server with Dial-Up now.
>From Papa Hank
My Dear Webby,
Do you have to remind us in Syracuse, NY about the white
stuff that's coming!! Fortunately Your humor is great enough
to overcome the trama of future falling snow.
I especially liked the comment on James K. Lowery, The
peeping tom.I'd great to hear that he was "tenderized"
Keep the humor coming.
Papa Hank
Dear Papa Hank
You don't have to worry about that.
Remember, YOU got Gullible Warming,
plus all the hot air from Washington.
If you get any snow at all, complain to Al Gore.
By the way, if you DO happen to have a bit of CO2 to spare,
send it up to us, please! Our farms and forests desperately
need it. We call it vegetation fuel.
That is why I drive a 1991 Chrysler LeBaron muscle car.
I got out of my driveway OK today. I pulled ahead in the
garage as far as I could, fanned the gas to get the turbo
up to speed, then slammed it into reverse and stomped the
gas. As I was laying rubber from squealing tires, I hit the
garage door remote and kept the foot down on the gas.
I hit the snow drift going about 40 in reverse and plowed
right through it. Once through it, I hit the brake, turned
the steering wheel and skidded onto the hard-packed snow
on the road. I wound up against the sidewalk on the other
side, but not on it. From there on everything was easy.
Have FUN!
Dear Webby
Donald Trump's laughable $5 million offer today to charity,
IF President Barak Hussein Obama can produce a
believable birth certificate and college record, can't change
the fact that the purported billionaire is one incredibly
cheap bastard:
Details at The Smoking Gun
Obviously Obama can't produce those records, so Trump
can keep the money and does not have to donate it to charity.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
1415 Battle of Agincourt, Welsh longbow defeats the armored knight
1854 The Light Brigade charges (Battle of Balaklava, Crimean War)
1918 Canadian steamship "Princess Sophia" hit a reef off
Alaska, 398 die
1944 Japanese navy defeated at battle of Leyte Gulf
1945 Japanese surrender Taiwan to Gen Chiang Kai-shek
1960 1st electronic wrist watch placed on sale, NYC
1975 USSR's Venera 10 makes day-side Venus landing
1983 US invades Grenada, a country 1/2,000 its population (US Wins!)
1985 Kosmos 1700 communications satellite placed in geostationary orbit
1986 International Red Cross ousted from South Africa
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
--- Dorothy Parker
A woman calls the town psychiatrist and cries,
"Doctor, you've got to come as soon as possible.
My husband is in really bad shape!"
The shrink rushes over.
The worried wife says, "Thank God you are here, doctor.
Just go down the hall. He's in the last room on the right."
The shrink goes in the room and sees the woman's husband
sitting on the edge of the bathtub, dangling a fishline in
the toilet.
He goes back to the wife and says, "Yes, this is very
serious. But why didn't you call me sooner?"
"Who has time?" the wife asks. "I've been cleaning fish
all week."
The judged looked at the docket and said, "Good God, man!
You're charged with marrying six women. How could you do
such a thing?"
"Hey, judge, gimme a break," the man replied.
"I was only trying to find one good one."
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet
If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your days
with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded afternoon lull,
create a slim body that is resistant to disease, and have
a much easier time incorporating healthy and delicious
foods into your diet, then this will be the most important
message you ever read. Start Eating for Energy!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
David Lee, 44, Jacksonville, Florida
Jailed After Stealing Plastic Flowers From Grave
Site, That He Planned To Give To His Girlfriend
Reported by The Weekly Vice
David Lee, a 44-year-old Jacksonville man was jailed Sunday
after he allegedly stole flowers from a grave site that he
planned to give to his girlfriend.
According to the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office, a deputy
stopped Lee shortly after 6:00 p.m. as he was walking out
of the Evergreen Cemetery. He was carrying three plastic
flower bouquets, with fresh soil falling from the bottom of
them. He also appeared to be intoxicated.
Investigators say when the officer asked Lee where he got
the fake flowers, he admitted that they were planted next to
a tombstone, but he dug them up. He told the officer that he
was planning on giving the flowers to his alleged girlfriend,
and that he did not know the deceased person from which
he stole the flowers.
Lee was booked into the Duval County Jail and charged with
a felony count of injuring or removing plants from a
gravestone, monument, or tomb.
Tech Support Pits
From: Honor
Re: Do Not Call registry
Dear Webby,
Do you happen to have among your famous facts, the
information I need to get on the 'don't call, don't email'
list? I've moved fairly recently and haven't gotten signed
up for that on my new numbers and addresses. I hope
it isn't too late to do this!
I always read your tips...don't always understand them...
but some I just print off for future reference, like after
I'm smarter!
Thanks for all you do for your subscribers!
Honor
Dear Honor
The DO-NOT-CALL registry is at
https://www.donotcall.gov/default.aspx
There is no Do-NOT-EMAIL registry.
Just use MailWasher from the side of the Humor Letter,
and nuke the mail from the bastids, like most of us do.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Nail Brushes for Cleaning Small Spaces
I rarely use a nail brush to clean under my nails, as I use
the end of a nail file, so I have a small collection of nail
brushes I've saved from gift sets (frugal people save
anything they think they will eventually find a use for).
I keep a couple of them by the sink in the laundry
room and have found they are great for scrubbing
small spaces - a little larger than an old toothbrush and
smaller than a traditional scrub brush. They have
come in handy time and time again.
By Marie from West Dundee, IL
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger
This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff,
that you won't keep up anyway."
These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey
MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process,
reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body.
Give "Old School - New Body" a try!
The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a
cashier and was down to two final applicants -- one
of which would get the job.
The first one interviewed was from a small college in
upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid.
Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up
stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of
himself. "He looks like he can take care of any
situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and
then, to hire him.
He turned to the first applicant and told him he could
go and they would let him know.
Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way
you carry yourself -- that's an important asset for the
job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed
you did not fill out the place on the application where
we asked your formal education."
Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where
did you get your financial education?"
"Oh," replied Jim -- "Yale."
"That's very good ... excellent. You're hired!"
"Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be
called?"
Jim answered "I don't care... Yim... or Mr. Yonson."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A grocer put up a sign that read "Eggplants, 25¢ ea.--three
for a dollar."
All day long, customers came in exclaiming: "Don't be
ridiculous! I should get four for a dollar!"
Meekly the grocer capitulated and packaged four eggplants.
The tailor next door had been watching these antics and
finally asked the grocer, "Aren't you going to fix the
mistake on your sign?"
"What mistake?" the grocer asked. "Before I put up that sign
no one ever bought more than one eggplant."
Wednesday, October 24, 2012, 10:24 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, October 24
Wednesday is my bread run day. I hope the snow drifts between
the garage and the road don't get any higher. I think I can just punch
through them.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
3963 -BC- Origin of Hevelius' Mundane Era
1648 Peace of Westphalia ends 30 year war and Holy Roman Empire
1795 3rd partition of Poland, between Austria, Prussia & Russia
1836 The match is patented
1861 1st transcontinental telegram sent ending the Pony Express
1871 Mob in LA hangs 18 Chinese
1935 Italy invades Ethiopia
1939 Nylon stockings go on sale for 1st time
1940 Japan eliminates US terms (strike, play ball) from baseball
1952 Arab Liberation Movement becomes the only party of Syria
1984 11 members of the Colombo crime family arrested
1989 Rev Jim Bakker is sentenced to 50 years for fraud
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"I may not be a lion,
but I am a lion's cub,
and I have a lion's heart"
--- Elizabeth I
"The government issued a safety recall today on 800,000
Bowflex exercise machines. The good news: No one was hurt,
because no one ever actually used a Bowflex."
--- Jay Leno
If we don't change direction soon,
we'll end up where we're going.
--- Professor Irwin Corey
>From David
My mother once gave me two sweaters for Christmas.
The next time we visited, I made sure to wear one.
As we entered her home, instead of the expected smile,
she said,
"What's the matter? You didn't like the other one?"
An elephant ran away from a zoo one day and ended up in
a little old lady's back garden. The old lady had never
seen an elephant before so she called the police.
"There's a strange looking animal in my back garden
picking up cabbages with its tail" she said to the
policeman.
"What's it doing with them"?
"If I told you" said the old lady, "you'd never believe me!"
Back by popular demand!
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
Huge discount if you act now!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Delicious Revolution Cookbook - Healthy Food For Busy People.
151 Page Cookbook With Over 100 Easy To Make Healthy Meals.
Every Recipe Has A Gorgeous Full Color Photograph. This Is
A Revolutionary Solution For How To Make & Prepare
Deliciously Healthy Meals For Increased Energy And
Weight Loss. Sure To Please! Get the Revolution Cookbook now!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
James K. Lowery, 60, Jacksonville, Florida
Receives Street Justice From Girl's Father
After he Is Caught Peeping On Girl
Reported by The Weekly Vice
James K. Lowery, a 60-year-old Jacksonville man was jailed
Sunday after he allegedly peeped through his neighbor's window
and stared at their 15-year-old daughter.
The father confronted Lowery and tenderized him until
police arrived at the scene.
According to the Duval County Sheriff's Office, the 15-year
old girl called 911 to report that her father was restraining
a man that was caught peeping at her through their living
room window.
The victims told police that someone had been on their
property peeping around their windows on several occasions
recently. The father found evidence that someone had
tampered with the home's window trim and screens.
When detectives asked Lowery what he was doing at the
residence, he had no explanation, but admitted going there
on his own will, even after consuming an entire bottle of wine.
Property records show Lowery lives near the victims. He is
employed as the chief engineer for channel 4 in Jacksonville.
Lowery was booked into the Duval County Jail and charged
with trespassing with intent to commit an offense, public
intoxication, and resisting an officer without violence.
Tech Support Pits
From: Angie
Re: Post-It Notes
Dear Webby,
I had to laugh about your comments about the W8 mouse.
You suggested probably once a year to glue some cardboard
over that silly touch pad, and this is the third laptop, where
I have done that before turning it on the first time.
I sure don't want to have to glue some cardboard on top
of the mouse!!!
Today's question:
Is there some program like the 3M Posti-It Notes for the
computer?
Angie
Dear Angie
Yes, 3M does have a computer version of their post-it notes.
http://www.3m.com/us/office/postit/digi ... notes.html
I have used them for many years and find them even handier
than the paper version.
You can paste text and pictures into them, even links that
work by double clicking them, you can drag them into
spreadsheets and word processors, and you can set alarms
so that they hide until the set date and time comes around.
It costs $10, but eventually you will probably get fed up
with the free clones and get that one.
To avoid the confusion at 3M, here is a link right into their
shopping cart:
http://snipurl.com/3mpostit
There is a Lite version at
http://post-it-notes-lite.en.softonic.com/download
that seems to be a cracked older version. It is free, but
they try to foist weird search engines and tool bars on
you. You CAN decline that stuff, but you have to be very
alert during the installation.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Coke Tab to Hang a Picture
If you get a photo frame and there is no hook on the
back, using a screw attach the Coke tab to the back
of your frame. Then hang your picture!
By coville123 from Brockville, Ontario
----------
If the back is just cardboard or very thin
sawdust board, glue the pull tab on with Goop or any all-
purpose household glue. Measure and mark where you want the
RING to be, not the tab, and then outline the ring and tab
with a felt marker, before applying the glue.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger
This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff,
that you won't keep up anyway."
These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey
MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process,
reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body.
Give "Old School - New Body" a try!
During his freshman year, Steve couldn't get home
for Christmas. So he sent his father a set of inexpensive cuff links
and a note reading: "Dear Dad, This is not much, but it's
all you could afford."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A Scotsman is visiting a zoo in Edinburgh for the first time.
At one cage, he's entranced by what he sees.
"An whut animal would that be?" he asks the keeper.
"That's a moose from Canada," the zookeeper replies.
"A moose?!?" exclaims the Scotsman.
"Hoot, mon. They must have rats like elephants over there."
Tuesday, October 23, 2012, 11:30 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, October 23
Yes, I know, Ezinefinder is down again.
I have written to them. That is all I can do.
They are Mac Users and do not respond to problem reports,
because they consider those to be attacks on their cult.
Like Harley riders or Muslims, they do plenty of bitching
about their system amongst themselves, but if an outsider
mentions something, that is not complimentary, they get
into a big snit in a hurry.
If you write to them, be extra polite and as brief as possible.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
1790 Slaves revolt in Haiti (later suppressed)
1805 Sailing ship "Aeneus" sinks off Newfoundland killing 340
1915 25,000 women march in NYC, demanding right to vote
1942 During WW II, Britain launches major offensive
at El Alamein, Egypt
1944 Soviet army invades Hungary
1954 Canada, England, France & USSR agree to end occupation
of Germany
1956 1st video recording on magnetic tape televised coast-to-coast
1956 Hungarian Revolution began
1958 USSR lends money to UAR to build Aswan High Dam
1970 Gary Gabelich sets auto speed record 622.4 mph (1,002 kph)
1983 Suicide terrorist truck bomb kills 243 US personnel in Beirut
1990 Iraq announces release of 330 French hostages
1991 Dr Jack Kevorkian's suicide machine kills 2 women
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates
what kind of weather we are having.
--- Ambrose Bierce
I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.
--- Wilson Mizner
The great thing about democracy is that it gives
every voter a chance to do something stupid.
--- Art Spander
>From Richi
Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences.
The first man said, " my wife was reading a "tale of two cities"
and she gave birth to twins"
"That's funny", the second man remarked, "my wife was reading
'The three musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets"
The third man shouted, "Good God, I have to rush home!"
When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed,
"When I left the house, my wife was reading
"Ali baba and the Forty Thieves"!
Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by
the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"
"My father said it'd be a good idea, sir."
"Oh? And what does your father do?"
"He's in the Army, sir."
Back by popular demand!
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
Huge discount if you act now!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Delicious Revolution Cookbook - Healthy Food For Busy People.
151 Page Cookbook With Over 100 Easy To Make Healthy Meals.
Every Recipe Has A Gorgeous Full Color Photograph. This Is
A Revolutionary Solution For How To Make & Prepare
Deliciously Healthy Meals For Increased Energy And
Weight Loss. Sure To Please! Get the Revolution Cookbook now!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Sheila Eubank, 48, in San Antonio, Texas
Woman Admits To Making Up Kidnapping
Story To Get A Day Off Work
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Sheila Eubank, a 48-year-old San Antonio woman was jailed
Wednesday after she pretended to have been kidnapped to
get a day off from work and a little attention.
According to San Antonio police, on October 10th, an officer
reportedly found Eubanks laying motionless in her vehicle,
bound with a rope.
Eubanks allegedly told the officer that she had been
kidnapped by an anonymous knife-wielding man, who
jumped into her car and forced her to drive to an ATM
machine to withdraw her money. The man then forced
her to drive him around for 12 hours while he conducted
alleged drug deals.
Investigators say detectives found inconsistencies with
Eubank's story, especially when they found a lottery
ticket in her purse that had been purchased at around
the same time she was being held by a kidnapper,
according to her story.
Detectives checked surveillance video from the store
that sold the lottery ticket and saw Eubanks purchasing
a lottery ticket by herself. She was seen in the video
being polite and calm. She did not appear to be distressed
or anxious, according to police.
Confronted with the evidence police had, Eubanks admitted
to making up the entire kidnapping story. She stated that
she made up the story in order to get a day off work and
a little attention.
Eubank was booked into the Bexar County Jail and charged
with aggravated perjury. Her bond was set at $10,000.
Tech Support Pits
From: Alex
Re: Windows8 Mouse
Dear Webby,
I read that there is a new Windows 7-8 mouse, that has a
touch pad built into it's top. Is it worth it's rather steep cost?
Alex
Dear Alex
That W8 mouse just adds even more frustration, and you
would probably heave it into the trash in the first hour.
Just like the touch pad below the keyboard, it is a half-baked
idea, nice in theory, but rather useless for fast work.
You are much better off with a standard 5 or 7 button Laser
or LED mouse.
As long as you got Left and Right click, Copy, Paste, Enter,
you canget work done. For spreadsheets #6 and #7 (left and
right scroll) are handy, but you can live quite happily
without those two.
I would recommend saving your money and not get any W8
gadgets just yet. Let them work out the bugs in W8 first.
They are still fixing serious bugs in W7. No point in rushing
into an unfinished W8.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Coke Tab to Hang a Picture
If you get a photo frame and there is no hook on the
back, using a screw attach the Coke tab to the back
of your frame. Then hang your picture!
By coville123 from Brockville, Ontario
----------
If the back is just cardboard or very thin
sawdust board, glue the pull tab on with Goop or any all-
purpose household glue. Measure and mark where you want the
RING to be, not the tab, and then outline the ring and tab
with a felt marker, before applying the glue.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger
This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff,
that you won't keep up anyway."
These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey
MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process,
reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body.
Give "Old School - New Body" a try!
After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old Sarah
started using her pinwheel as a magic wand, pretending she
was a fairy godmother. "Make three wishes," she told her
mother, "and I'll grant them."
Her mom first asked for world peace. Sarah swung her wand
and proclaimed the request fulfilled. Next, her mother
requested for a cure for all ill children. Again, with a
sweep of the pinwheel, Sarah obliged. The mother, with a
glance down at her rather ample curves, made her third
wish, "I wish to have a trim figure again."
The miniature fairy godmother started waving her wand
madly. Finally, totally exhausted she stopped and sighed:
"I'll need more power for this!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Cookie:
Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday
because you always end up praying a lot.
Monday, October 22, 2012, 11:21 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, October 22
>From Dr Bill
regarding cleaning the tub - or any ceramic bathroom fixture -
fill with water, drop in several alka-seltzer tablets -
let sit overnight - (just one for the toilet) - learned this
from summer camp maintenance man when our camp was
the third in line - by August the facilities really needed it -
so during the week ahead of the arrival of the kids, I was
up there getting the swimming area and canoes ready when I
caught the guy cleaning the facilities - works like a charm -
Bill
WASHINGTON (UPI) -- The U.S. government has offered a $50,000
reward to whoever comes up with an effective means of blocking
telephone "robocall" sales pitches.
The Federal Trade Commission has been losing ground in the battle
against automated phone calls and is looking for fresh ideas with its
FTC Robocall Challenge.
The winner will receive $50,000 plus a trip to Washington.
The Robocall Challenge is open to U.S. citizens. Groups of as many
as 10 will be eligible for the reward and the trip to the capital.
Bunch of doughheads!
Nothing easier. As I have mentioned a number of times before,
listenjust long enough to note their1-800 number, if it is not
forged into the Call Display.
Take a few extra large pictures of you or a friend writing
a message about robo-calls into snow, with a yellow medium.
Then WinFax them to that 1-800 number, on auto-repeat.
Since all robo-calls, except those by the fire department,
the gas company and the electrical company to notify you of
planned outages, and emergency services, are illegal, the
dumb crooks can't complain to anybody.
Just don't use that trick on the fire department! They might
hose you down at 4am!
Feel free to use that trick to compete for the $50,000.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
1797 AndreJacques Garnerin makes 1st parachute jump from
balloon (Paris)
1906 3000 blacks demonstrate & riot in Philadelphia
1936 1st commercial flight from mainland to Hawaii
1938 1st Xerox copy made
1949 200 killed in train derailment near Nowy Dwor Poland
1953 Laos gains full independence from France
1954 West Germany joins North Atlantic Treaty Organization
1962 JFK imposes naval blockade on Cuba, beginning missile crisis
1975 Soviet spacecraft Venera 9 soft-lands on Venus
1981 US national debt tops $1 trillion
1991 General Motors announces 9 month loss of $2.2 billion
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful
what we pretend to be.
--- Kurt Vonnegut
People often find it easier to be a result of the past
than a cause of the future.
--- Socratex
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I
started out with twenty-eight years ago.
--- Will Rogers
"No matter how much money you make, you always need an extra
$40 a week. I'm sure it was Einstein who first stated: Exp-
ense equals salary plus forty bucks."
--- Jeffrey Jena
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a
wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial
infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a
"massive internal fart."
At a naval barracks the enlisted men were being given their
shots prior to going overseas. One lad, having received his
whole series of injections, asked for a glass of water.
"What's the matter, Mate?" asked the sick bay attendant.
"Do you feel light-headed?"
"No, just checking to see if I'm still watertight."
Back by popular demand!
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
Huge discount if you act now!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Delicious Revolution Cookbook - Healthy Food For Busy People.
151 Page Cookbook With Over 100 Easy To Make Healthy Meals.
Every Recipe Has A Gorgeous Full Color Photograph. This Is
A Revolutionary Solution For How To Make & Prepare
Deliciously Healthy Meals For Increased Energy And
Weight Loss. Sure To Please! Get the Revolution Cookbook now!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Katie Hightower, 26, Pawnee County, OK
Charged With Having Sex With Student
After Football Scrimmage
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Katie Hightower, a 26-year-old teacher at Prue High School
was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly had sex with a
student.
According to the Pawnee County Sheriff's Office, an
investigation was launched after Hightower allegedly purchased
beer for a group of students - then disappeared into a bedroom
to have sexual intercourse with one of the students.
Investigators say the incident began on August 16 when
Hightower accompanied a group of high school students to and
from a football scrimmage - sitting next to a 16-year-old
male student during the trip.
After the scrimmage, Hightower and three students went to
Keystone Lake for about an hour. During the lake visit, two
of the students saw Hightower lay her head in the student's
lap and refer to him as "babe."
Hightower then allegedly purchased beer for the students
and then invited them to her home in Terlton.
The students told deputies that they drank the beer at
Hightower's house, but decided to leave when Hightower and
the boy disappeared into a bedroom. The students then left
when it became obvious that Hightower and the boy were
having sexual intercourse.
Although Hightower allegedly coached the two students not
to talk about the incident, the students reported what they
heard and saw to school officials.
Investigators searched Hightower's phone and discovered
hundreds of text messages that she exchanged with the
student during a four week period.
Hightower denied knowing that the student was at the lake
or her house. The student denied being at Hightower's house.
Both Hightower and the student denied having sexual intercourse.
Hightower was booked into jail and charged with second-degree
rape and furnishing alcohol to a person under 21.
Tech Support Pits
From: Jerry
Re: Jumbled typing
Dear Webby,
I just got a Toshiba Laptop with Windows 7 and cannot do
word processing without text being jumbled like crazy.
It is frustrating. Help!
Jerry
Dear Jerry
Since you are probably using a mouse anyway,
cover that silly touch-pad with a piece of thin cardboard.
That way your thumbs won't accidentally touch it and
move stuff around.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Make Your Own Peanut Butter:
It's easy to save money on peanut butter. Buy bulk,
unsalted peanuts and grind in a blender. Add salt
as needed.
We get our peanuts for $1.25 lb. I like $2.50 for
a big jar of peanut butter, rather than $7 a jar,
don't you?
By Davidicdancer from Spokane, WA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger
This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff,
that you won't keep up anyway."
These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey
MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process,
reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body.
Give "Old School - New Body" a try!
At dawn the telephone rings.
"Hello, Master Carlos? This is Arnaldo, your country house
caretaker."
"Ah yes, Mr. Arnaldo. What can I do for you? Is there a
problem?"
"Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot
died."
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the competition?"
"That's the one."
"Darn! That's such a pity! I spent a small fortune on that
bird. Oh well...what did he die from?"
"From eating rotten meat."
"Rotten meat? Who was so mean as to give him meat?"
"Nobody. He ate the meat of one of the dead horses."
"Dead horse? What dead horse, Mr. Arnaldo?"
"Why those pure breed ones that you had, sir. They died
from all that work pulling the water cart."
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire."
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
"The one at your house! A candle fell and then the curtain
caught on fire."
"What the.....!!! But there's electricity at the house!!!!
What was the candle for???"
"For the funeral."
"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL???!!!!!"
"Your mother-in-law's! She showed up one night, out of the
blue and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your
Tiger Woods Nike Driver."
SILENCE....................
"Arnaldo, if you broke that driver, you are fired!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Village Dry Cleaners has relocated to High Street, right next
door to St. Joseph's Church. After November 1, Cleanliness Is
Next to Godliness.'
Sunday, October 21, 2012, 10:09 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, October 21
Winter Wonder Land!
Big snowflakes and just enough fog, so that everything has
an orange glow from the streetlights. Just like Christmas,
but thankfully without the ads on the radio.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
2137 -BC- 1st recorded total eclipse of the sun China
1520 Magellan entered the strait which bears his name
1553 Volumes of the Talmud are burned
1805 Battle of Trafalgar, Adm Nelson defeats French & Spanish fleet & dies
1915 1st transatlantic radiotelephone message, Arlington, Va to Paris
1918 Margaret Owen sets world typing speed record of 170 wpm for 1 min
1945 Women in France allowed to vote for 1st time
1950 Chinese forces occupy Tibet
1967 Thousands opposing Vietnam War try to storm the Pentagon
1988 Ferdinand & Imelda Marcos indicted on racketeering charges
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.
--- Benjamin Franklin
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
--- Socrates
A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given
an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand to
give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The
husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so
bad."
The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to
pick it up.
"You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the
way my wife would do it?" the husband asked.
"Exactly," replied the instructor.
To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife
and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me."
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband,
"I bet you don't know what day this is."
"Of course I do," he indignantly answered. "How could you
think I would forget?" Whereupon he left for the office.
At 10 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened
the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long
stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound
box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique
delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for
her husband to come home.
"First the flowers, then the chocolate and then the dress!"
she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful
'Hedge Hog Day' in all my life!"
Back by popular demand!
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
Huge discount if you act now!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Delicious Revolution Cookbook - Healthy Food For Busy People.
151 Page Cookbook With Over 100 Easy To Make Healthy Meals.
Every Recipe Has A Gorgeous Full Color Photograph. This Is
A Revolutionary Solution For How To Make & Prepare
Deliciously Healthy Meals For Increased Energy And
Weight Loss. Sure To Please! Get the Revolution Cookbook now!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Dawn Peel, 50, in St. Paul, MN
Kissed Her Boyfriend On The Forehead,
Then Tried To Saw His Head Off
St. Paul, MN (The Weekly Vice) - Dawn Peel, a
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Dawn Peel, a 50-year-old Minnesota bonehead was jailed
Monday after she allegedly gave her boyfriend a kiss, asked
him if he loved her, then attempted to saw through his neck
with a knife.
According to police, officers were dispatched at 1:45 a.m.
after the victim called 911 to report that he had been
attacked by his girlfriend.
The man had fled from his residence after his girlfriend
used a knife to "cut at his neck like she was slaughtering a
goat or a cow," according to the arrest report.
The man told investigators that he was asleep on the couch
when he awoke to find Peel kneeling over him. She then
allegedly asked him if he loved her. When he answered "yes"
she then kissed him on the forehead and said "this is the
last time you'll see my eyes."
That's when Peel allegedly put a knife to the victim's neck
and began sawing back and forth in a vigorous manner.
Investigators say the man was able to escape the slaughter,
however he was bleeding heavily from the neck when police
arrived on the scene.
The man was taken to a local hospital where he received
23 staples in his neck to stop the bleeding.
When officers arrived at the his house to question Peel, she
answered the door completely naked. When officers asked
how much alcohol she had been drinking, Peel answered
"not enough."
She was booked into the Ramsey County Jail and charged
with attempted murder. Her bail has been set at $75,000.
Tech Support Pits
From: Lee
Re: Mail attachments won't open
Dear Webby!
Sometime I try to open a piece of mail. A window comes
down saying to large for word pad to open. And asks if I
want note pad to open it,if i say yes it opens in computer
language. which I cant read. What can I do about this. I am
73 yrs old and am a novice at the computer
Thank you Lee
Dear Lee
If you get weird stuff like that, trash it.
Trash it without even trying to open it.
It's just not worth the hassle.
If it does not open normally, it is probably
some virus or worm and could really
make life difficult.
So, when in doubt, trash it.
There is plenty of normal mail that opens
without hassle.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Clean Bathtub with Powdered Dish Detergent:
When your bathtub really gets grimy looking and the
bathroom cleaners don't seem to be working, try a
scrubby sponge and a bit of powder dish washer soap.
It doesn't scratch, but it will get things super clean.
By Lynn from WV
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger
This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff,
that you won't keep up anyway."
These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey
MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process,
reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body.
Give "Old School - New Body" a try!
Liz goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking
at the paintings. One is a huge canvas that has black with
yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting
is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked
across it.
Liz walks over to the artist and says, "I don't understand
your paintings."
"I paint what I feel inside me," explains the artist.
"Try Alka-Seltzer!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A young man was having some money problems, and needed $200
to get his car fixed and road-worthy again. But had run out
of people to borrow from. So, he calls his parents via the
operator, and reverses the charge and says to his father,
"Dad, I hate to ask, but I need to borrow 200 dollars."
At the other end, his father says, "Sorry, I can't hear you,
son, I think there may be a bad line."
The boy shouts, "Two hundred. I need two hundred dollars!"
"Sorry, I still can't hear you clearly," says his father.
The operator cuts in, "Sorry to butt in, But I can hear him
perfectly clearly."
The father says, "Good. YOU send him the money!"
Saturday, October 20, 2012, 10:42 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, October 20
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
1600 Battle of Sekigahara sets Tokugawa clan as Japan's
rulers (shoguns)
1803 US Senate ratifies the Louisiana Purchase
1813 German Kingdom of Westphalia abolished
1817 1st Mississippi showboat leaves Nashville on maiden voyage
1818 49th parallel established as the border between US & Canada
1818 US & Britain agree to joint control of Oregon country
1905 Great General Strike in Russia begins; lasts 11 days
1906 Dr Lee DeForest demonstrates his radio tube
1930 British White Paper restricts Jews from buying Arab land
1944 30 blocks of Cleveland OH burn after a liquid gas factory explodes
1956 58ø F (15ø C), Esperanza Station, Antarctica (Antarctic record high)
1968 Jacqueline Kennedy marries Aristotle Onassis
1973 OPEC oil embargo begins
1983 IBM-PC DOS Version 2.1 released
1990 3 members of 2 Live Crew acquitted on obscenity charges in Florida
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Human beings are the only creatures that allow
their children to come back home.
--- Bill Cosby
Like its politicians and its wars, society has the
teenagers it deserves.
--- J. B. Priestley
Home computers are being called upon to perform
many new functions, including the consumption of
homework formerly eaten by the dog.
--- Doug Larson
These days, with all the emphasis on one's physical fitness,
a new organization has sprung up called
"Athletics Anonymous."
When you get the urge to play golf, tennis, go power-walking
or bicycle riding (or anything else involving a type of physical
activity), they send someone over to watch TV with you
until the urge passes.
How to Place New Employees in a Proper Department
Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and
put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave
them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the
end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.
If they have taken the table apart, put them in Engineering.
If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them
to Finance.
If they are waving their arms and talking out loud, send
them to Consulting.
If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot
for them.
If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, Computer
Information Systems is their niche.
If the room has a sweaty odor, perhaps they're destined for
the Help Desk.
If they mention what a good price we got for the table and chairs, put
them into Purchasing.
If they mention that hardwood furniture DOES NOT come from rainforests,
Public Relations would suit them well.
If they are writing up the experience, send them to the Technical
Documents team.
If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign
them to Security.
If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send
them to Marketing.
If they are sleeping, they are Management material.
Back by popular demand!
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
Huge discount if you act now!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Delicious Revolution Cookbook - Healthy Food For Busy People.
151 Page Cookbook With Over 100 Easy To Make Healthy Meals.
Every Recipe Has A Gorgeous Full Color Photograph. This Is
A Revolutionary Solution For How To Make & Prepare
Deliciously Healthy Meals For Increased Energy And
Weight Loss. Sure To Please! Get the Revolution Cookbook now!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Kendall Remsing, 35, in New Llano, La.
Charged With Incest After He Was Shot
In Face By 15-Year-Old Stepdaughter
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Kendall Remsing, a 35-year-old Louisiana bonehead was jailed
Wednesday on incest charges after he was shot in the face by
his 15-year-old-step daughter.
According to the Vernon Parish Sheriff's Office, an
investigation was launched in late May after police received
a 911 call stating that a 15-year-old girl had shot her
stepfather in the face.
Deputies who arrived on the scene took the girl into custody
and charged her with attempted second-degree murder.
Remsing was transported to Byrd Regional Hospital where
he was stabilized and then flown to Rapides Regional Medical
Center where he remains in stable, but critical condition.
(Mug shot is from a previous arrest)
During the investigation, however, Remsing was now been
accused of molesting a juvenile family member. Additional
evidence was gathered that corroborated the allegation,
according to detectives.
Remsing has been charged with aggravated incest and
molestation of a juvenile. His bond has been set at $100,000.
Tech Support Pits
From: Fred
Re: Can't get rid of RealPlayer files
AS Always---HELP!!!
I downloaded some not bad, but stupid stuff to my Real PLayer---
Now I want to get rid of it.
But when I send it to the trash I get this---
Cannot delete---Make sure Disk is not full or write protected
or not in use????
I have completely removed Real Player from My PC, but the
files are still on my desk top---I am attaching one---
Thanks.
Fred
Dear Fred
Are you referring to Real Player program files,
or to music and movies ?
To get rid of realPlayer, you have to do it through the
Program Manager or with the Secure Uninstaller, which gets
rid of stuff that the Program Manager can't. In case you still
have not got the Secure Uninstaller, it is still at
http://webby.com/uninst
Nowadays you pretty well need that, because so much stuff
is too sneaky for the Program Manager.
However, if you mean just music and movies, log on as
Administrator and then dump them. If you were too lazy to
save the files into a folder made for that purpose, and just
littered them onto the desktop, then quite possibly they are
"OWNED" by the Administrator, and can't be deleted by a
mere User.
If you have trouble logging on as administrator, save all openfiles,
close all open programs, Hit SMD (Save My Desktop) and then
rudely pull the plug.
After plugging in again, Windows will ask you, if you want to
start up in Safe Mode. In Safe Mode you are automatically the
Administrator. As Administrator you can delete anything you want.
Keep in mind that Safe Mode quite likely messes up your icon
arrangement. That is why it is important to hit SMD before you
do that.
In some cases, uninstalling a program like RealPlayer with the
Program Manager or Secure Uninstaller
does not unlock the data files until you reboot.
Real reboot, not just restart.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use an Empty Can as a Utensil Holder When Cooking:
Here is what I use to prevent spilled mess on my counter when
I am cooking. I usually use more than one utensil when I am
cooking but never know where to place them during the cooking
time as I am still using them. Well, since I usually use some type
of canned goods with all my meals, I came up with the
following idea.
I rinse the can that I used, then I use it as a utensil holder while
I am cooking. Once I am done cooking, I place the utensils in
the sink, rinse the can again and recycle it. So it's kinda like
recycling it twice. The bonus is that it saves a mess to clean
off my counter or a plate.
By tomnsaby from Albuquerque, NM
Cans are too light and get knocked over too easily, plus they
don't have space for ladles and flippers. I use a heavy Pyrex
1 liter measuring cup half full of water. Even with an
assortment of wooden spoons and ladles it never gets knocked
over.
The water adds weight and keeps food from hardening on the
utensils.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger
This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff,
that you won't keep up anyway."
These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey
MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process,
reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body.
Give "Old School - New Body" a try!
The fourth-grade class was studying the development of
the auto industry. The teacher had emphasized the role
played by Henry Ford, whose assembly lines decreased
production costs. At the end of the unit, she gave a
test including the question: "What did Henry Ford invent
that made buying a car more affordable?"
One of the brightest students in the class wrote:
"0% financing."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
On a recent radio station appearance, "Uncle" Larry Reeb
was asked, "Are you a college man?"
He replied, "Nope. I stayed HOME and got drunk at home.
I couldn't afford that $20,000 cover charge."
Friday, October 19, 2012, 11:42 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, October 19
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
During the evening, in the middle of work, suddenly the lights
went out. No warning blink, no brown blink, just click, gone.
All the street lights, as far as I could see, were out too.
The only lights still working were the solar lights on a bower
at my northern neighbor, and the solar Christmas lights from
last year still on a tree in my southern neighbor's yard.
Fine, I figured, I'll sneak off for a nap!
So as not to get too carried away, I flicked the switch for
the big ceiling light in the bedroom.
I don't have time to sleep a lot, so when I do go horizontal,
I am sound asleep usually just about the time I pull a cover
over my shoulder.
Fifteen minutes later I got woken up by the light and various
clicking and popping sounds as the power came back on, but
kept tripping the auto-reset town breakers. That is really
hard on hard drives, but after four clicks the breakers held
and the power stayed on. So much for my nap.
Well, lots of work to do so I went bat to it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
125 -BC- Start of Era of Tyre
1812 Napoleon begins his retreat from Moscow
1872 World's largest gold nugget (215 kg) found in New South Wales
1912 Tripoli (Libya) passes from Turkish to Italian control
1933 Berlin Olympic Committee vote to introduce basketball in 1936
1944 US forces land in Philipines
1950 UN forces entered Pyongyang, the capital of North Korea
1951 Pres Truman formally ends state of war with Germany
1960 The US imposes an embargo on exports to Cuba
1967 Mariner 5 makes fly-by of Venus
1977 Supersonic Concorde jet's 1st landing in NYC
1987 US warships destroy 2 Iranian oil platforms in Persian Gulf
1988 Senate passes bill curbing ads during children`s TV shows
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there
to appreciate it."
--- Franklin P. Jones
>From Simon
When we moved cross-country, my wife and I decided to drive
both of our cars. Nathan, our eight-year-old, worriedly
asked, "How will we keep from getting separated?"
"We'll drive slowly so that one car can follow the other,"
I reassured him.
"Yeah, but what if we DO get separated?" he persisted.
"Well, then I guess we'll never see each other again," I
quipped.
"Okay," he said. "I'm riding with Mom."
>From Kim:
In my job with a credit union, I often run across accounts
that are protected by password.
The credit-union member, when withdrawing funds, must
produce identification and then give the password to the
teller.
Recently, when I asked a woman for her password, she sighed,
rolled her eyes and replied, "SaveDagnabit."
I was puzzled until she explained, "My husband used that
password so I that I have to say it every time I make a
withdrawal."
Back by popular demand!
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
Huge discount if you act now!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Delicious Revolution Cookbook - Healthy Food For Busy People.
151 Page Cookbook With Over 100 Easy To Make Healthy Meals.
Every Recipe Has A Gorgeous Full Color Photograph. This Is
A Revolutionary Solution For How To Make & Prepare
Deliciously Healthy Meals For Increased Energy And
Weight Loss. Sure To Please! Get the Revolution Cookbook now!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Jennifer Wilcox, 36, Middletown, CT
Charged With DUI After Drinking
lots of Hand Sanitizer
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Jennifer Wilcox, a 36-year-old Connecticut woman was jailed
for drunk driving Monday after she allegedly drank half a bottle
of hand sanitizer.
According to police, an officer had just pulled over another
vehicle for a traffic infraction when a vehicle that was driven
by Wilcox drove past the officer at a high rate of speed and
ultimately lost control of her vehicle.
The officer approached Wilcox and detected a strong odor of
alcohol coming from her person.
After failing a field sobriety test, Wilcox reportedly admitted
to consuming half of a large bottle of hand sanitizer prior
to getting behind the wheel.
A typical bottle of hand sanitizer contains about 60% ethyl
alcohol (or 120 proof). Drinking half of a large bottle of
hand sanitizer would be equivalent to drinking 16 shots
of vodka, according to experts.
Poison control centers across the country are reporting a
spike in the number of cases that involve teens who drink
sanitizer as a means to achieve a stolen buzz.
Mouthwash was abused in a similar manner until companies
that manufactured the product lowered the alcohol content
to discourage the practice.
A blood alcohol test later revealed that Wilcox was intoxicated
at more than twice the legal limit for operating a motor vehicle.
Wilcox was booked into jail and charged with DUI. She was
released after posting a $500 bond.
Tech Support Pits
:From: Lynne
Re: Logon Profile Error
I cannot access my laptop computer under myself. Only thru
the guest port. The error message is "The user profile
service service has failed the login. User profile cannot
be loaded.
What I did just before this happened this morning was to go
onto my desktop to remove some old icons. Each time the
message came up saying that removal of this icon will not
remove it from the computer.
Can you direct me to a source that can help me?
I am typing this from the "guest" port. Not sure you will
get this.
I am away from home for 6 more weeks, so I don't have my
desktop to help.
Lynne
Dear Lynne
I found this info at Microsoft:
http://support.microsoft.com/kb/947215
I hope that helps!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Laundry Detergent Caps For Bathroom Organizing
The house I live in does laundry a lot. And, they didn't
recycle till I showed them the error of their ways.
So, instead of tossing these in the bin, I put them to good
use. Here is an example of the things you can do with
these wonderful lids!
Can you think of about a bazillion more?
By Poor But Proud from Sweet Home, OR
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger
This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff,
that you won't keep up anyway."
These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey
MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process,
reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body.
Give "Old School - New Body" a try!
A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a
policeman.
Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new
role.
"Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad,
but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Newly wed Angus McKenzie comes in to the room and says
to his wife, "I'm going to the pub. Get your coat on."
The wife, overjoyed that he has included her in his activity,
replies, "Does that mean that you are taking me with you,
darling?"
Angus replies, "No. I'm turning the off the heat."
--------------
I would not be surprised if she comes over here to borrow
a bible or warm up a bit.
Thursday, October 18, 2012, 11:14 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, October 18
>From Dr Bill
Re the Ass in the Well - similar tale I used when teaching
History at Syracuse U. An apocryphal story:
"Thales, the father of philosophy, postulating all matter
as consisting of Earth, Air, Fire, and Water, was getting
along in years and his vision had gone bad. One foggy
night on Miletus, his donkey escaped.
Grumbling, Thales threw on his grey philosopher's coat
and went out into the mist calling for his donkey.
A grey shape loomed before him and he dove at it -
plunging himself accidentally into his well.
Cold and Wet, he shouted until his Thracian maid found him
and got him out - he returned shivering to his home,
blaspheming the Gods -
This is a noteworthy event in History, in that it is the first
recorded instance, though by no means the last,
when a Philosopher didn't know
his Ass from a hole in the ground."
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
1016 Danes defeat Saxons at Battle of Assandun (Ashingdon)
1648 1st US labor organization forms (Boston Shoemakers)
1685 Louis XIV revokes Edict of Nantes, outlaws Protestantism
1767 Boundary between Md & Pa, the Mason Dixon line, agreed upon
1867 US takes formal possession of Alaska from Russia ($7.2 million)
1890 John Owen is 1st to run 100 yd dash in under 10 seconds
1898 American flag raised in Puerto Rico
1908 Belgium annexes Congo Free State
1944 Soviet troops invade Czechoslovakia during WW II
1962 US launches Ranger 5 for lunar impact; misses Moon
1967 Soviet Venera 4 1st probe to send data back from Venus
1968 Police find 219 grams of cannabis resin in John & Yoko's apt
1979 "Beatlemania" opens in London
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Language is the source of misunderstandings.
--- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong.
--- Dandemis
A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.
--- Fats Domino
To help a friend lose weight, I told her that she should
switch to lower-fat foods, including skim milk. When she
said her family would drink only whole milk, I suggested
that she keep their regular container and refill it with
skim milk. This worked for quite a while, until her daughter
asked one morning whether the milk was okay.
"Sure, it's fine," my friend answered, fearing she had been
found out. "Why do you ask?"
The daughter explained, "Well, according to the expiration
date, this milk expired two years ago!"
At a posh dinner party, a Latin American visitor was telling
the guests about his home country and himself.
As he concluded, he said, "And I have a charming and
understanding wife but, alas, no children."
As his listeners appeared to be waiting for him to continue,
he said, haltingly, "You see, my wife is unbearable."
Puzzled glances prompted him to try to clarify the matter:
"What I mean is, my wife is inconceivable."
As his companions seemed amused, he floundered
deeper into the intricacies of the English language,
explaining triumphantly, "That is, my wife,
she is impregnable!"
Back by popular demand!
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
Huge discount if you act now!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Delicious Revolution Cookbook - Healthy Food For Busy People.
151 Page Cookbook With Over 100 Easy To Make Healthy Meals.
Every Recipe Has A Gorgeous Full Color Photograph. This Is
A Revolutionary Solution For How To Make & Prepare
Deliciously Healthy Meals For Increased Energy And
Weight Loss. Sure To Please! Get the Revolution Cookbook now!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Brenda Crosdale, 49, Vero Beach, Florida
Woman Locked Out Of Car Called 911,
Claimed Infant Was Trapped Inside
To Get Quicker Response
Reported by The Smoking Gun
Locked out of her car earlier this month, Brenda Crosdale,
49, called 911 and claimed that an infant was trapped in
the vehicle.
But when a sheriff’s deputy responded to a “priority one
lockout” at Crosdale’s Florida home at around 9 AM on
October 6, he “saw no child” inside vehicles parked in
the driveway.
When Deputy Michael Cavanaugh asked a male on scene about
the whereabouts of the infant, the man replied, “Brenda only said
that to get you guys here quicker.
The deputy then questioned Crosdale inside her Vero Beach
home, and “she stated she only said a child was inside her
vehicle to get the vehicle open quicker,” according to an
Indian River County Sheriff's Office report.
Crosdale, a nurse, was then arrested for misuse of the
911 system.
Pictured in the above mug shot, Crosdale was briefly
booked into jail, where she was released after posting
$500 bond on the misdemeanor count.
The report did not say whether the deputy busted open the
childless car, or made her call a locksmith.
Tech Support Pits
:From: Diana
Re: Diskette error
Dear Webby
All of a sudden when I turn on my computer in the morning,
a message pops up saying diskette drive failure
When I press F1 it starts up ok. I do not have a floppy disk.
What is the message and how do I correct it? I know if anybody
can answer me, you can.
Thanks loads for your newsletter,
Diana
Dear Diana
Sounds like your machine got infected with a really
ancient virus.
Run a GOOD virus scan, like McAfee, and after that
reboot and look VERY carefully for a very brief message
during boot-up, before you get color. It will tell you something like
F12 for Bios
Whatever it is, hit that immediately, before you get color.
You may have to shut down and try again.
Once you are in the BIOS, you can disable the Floppy drive,
and set the boot-up priorities to
D: (CD)
USB
C:\
That way, you can boot up, if necessary, with the Set-Up CD
or a rescue set-up on a thumb drive. You can even have a Penguin
(Linux fanatic) put "Baby Linux" onto a camera chip and boot up
into Linux to salvage data, if Windows gets totally trashed by
some virus.
It will look for those first, and if those are not there,
then it will go for the C: drive. If you try to save 2 seconds
of boot-up time and put C: first, the rescue drives are not
in the queue.
If you have trouble reading that grey on black message, get
some kid to watch it. A lot of adults have trouble reading it.
Once you got it and know which key to hit to get into the bios,
you can put a dot of nail polish onto that F key.
A lot of machines even have a setting in the Bios, where
you can tell it how long to display that message. Smart-ass
kids often shorten that time to 1 or zero, and brag about
having tuned the machine to start up 3 seconds faster.
If you have a crimson dot on F12 or whatever it is for your
machine, that is no problem.
In summary: Take A: and B: out of the start-up drive list,
and if USB is in the list, make sure something is plugged
into the USB port. A camera chip reader works fine.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Your Leaves As Winter Mulch
Have you mulched your leaves yet? After spending years raking
up those fall leaves, I got pretty tired of having a second set of
leaves fall from the Oak trees. I decided to make short work of
the job by using my mulch mower and ran the mower over the
leaves, which mulched them all and enriched my lawn happily
at the same time. The lawn may not be as neat and tidy, but it
sure will be happy having all that extra fertilizer on it, and it will
be even happier next spring, and so too will you! Go mulch
those leaves!
Source: Gardeners around the globe
By Kghornsten from Davis, CA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger
This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff,
that you won't keep up anyway."
These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey
MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process,
reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body.
Give "Old School - New Body" a try!
>From Ed
Our church was planning a chili supper for the homeless,
and my wife, Florence, agreed to prepare four gallons of
her rather mild variation.
The man in charge of organizing the program asked Florence
how she would describe her chili -- three alarm or four alarm.
After hearing some of the ingredients that went into other chili
donations, my wife replied, "I guess you'd call mine false alarm."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets.
Someone asked her what the bracelet was for. She replied,
"I'm allergic to nuts and eggs."
The person asked, "Are you allergic to cats?"
The girl said, "I don't know. I don't eat cats."
Wednesday, October 17, 2012, 11:01 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, October 17
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
1492 Columbus sights isle of San Salvador (Watling Island, Bahamas)
1829 Delaware River & Chesapeake Bay Canal formally opened
1855 Bessemer steelmaking process patented
1918 Yugoslavia proclaims itself a republic
1931 Al Capone convicted of tax evasion, sentenced to 11 years in prison
1933 Albert Einstein arrives in the US, a refugee from Nazi Germany
1956 England's 1st large scale nuclear power station opens
1961 NY Museum of Modern Art hung Henri Matisse's "Le Bateau"
upside-down, It wasn't corrected until December 3rd
1973 5-mo oil embargo by Arab states against US & Netherlands begins
1977 Canada begins regular live TV coverage of Parliament
1977 West German commandos storm hijacked Lufthansa in Mogadishu,
Somalia freeing all 86 hostages & killing 3 of the 4 hijackers
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
once they have exhausted all other alternatives.
--- Abba Eban
"If money is your hope for independence,
you will never have it. The only real security that a
man will have in this world is a reserve
of knowledge, experience, and ability."
--- Henry Ford
Morris realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he
felt unwilling to spend much money.
"How much do they cost ?" he asked the salesperson.
"That depends," he said. "They run from $2.00 to $2,000."
"Let's see the $2.00 model," said Morris the miser.
The salesperson put the device around Morris' neck. "You
just stick this button in your ear and run this little
string down to your pocket," he instructed.
"How does it work?" , asked Morris.
"For $2.00 it doesn't work," the salesperson replied.
"But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder!"
Two salesmen were going door to door. They knocked on the
door of a woman who clearly was not happy to see them.
She told them in no uncertain terms she did not want to hear
their message and then slammed the door in their faces.
To her surprise, the door did not close. In fact, it bounced
back open. Seeing the two salesmen at the door frustrated
her. She stormed back to the door and flung it shut.
But the door still didn't close. Furious, she grabbed the door
with two hands and shoved it as hard as she could.
But again, the door wouldn't shut.
Convinced one of these rude salesmen was sticking a foot
in the door, she reared back to give the door a slam that
would really teach them a lesson.
Just then, one of the salesmen said, "Ma'am, before you do
that again, you might want to move your cat."
Back by popular demand!
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
Huge discount if you act now!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Delicious Revolution Cookbook - Healthy Food For Busy People.
151 Page Cookbook With Over 100 Easy To Make Healthy Meals.
Every Recipe Has A Gorgeous Full Color Photograph. This Is
A Revolutionary Solution For How To Make & Prepare
Deliciously Healthy Meals For Increased Energy And
Weight Loss. Sure To Please! Get the Revolution Cookbook now!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Ashley Stewart, 24, Streetsboro, OH
Charged With DUI After Speeding Down
Wrong Side Of Highway
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Ashley Stewart, a 24-year-old Ohio woman was charged with
drunk driving Saturday after she was caught speeding the
wrong direction down a freeway at 3:17 in the morning.
According to Streetsboro police, officers were dispatched
after receiving a report that a vehicle was traveling eastbound
on the westbound side of I-480.
Investigators say officers activated lights and sirens after
catching up to Stewart's vehicle as it continued down the
wrong side of the highway.
Stewart allegedly ignored officers' attempts to stop her as
the chase reached speeds of up to 80 miles per hour. The
chase was finally brought to an end on State Route 41 near
Shady Lake Drive when an officer pulled in front of Stewart's
vehicle and forced her to stop.
Stewart then refused to submit to a breathalyzer test at
the scene.
She was booked into jail and charged with failure to comply
with the signal of a police officer and operating a vehicle
while intoxicated.
Tech Support Pits
:From: Rndall
Re: Windows bugfix error 646
Dear Webby,
For the last week or so i have been getting a update warning
to update my laptop.So I click on the update button and it
goes out to the update screen but then i get code 646 warning.
the update didn't take effect. some kind of security update.
And the update warning is still showing. I looked into the help
and support queries but that is no help...I know you have the
answer i am looking for ...love your news and jokes..keep
up the great work...have a good week.
Radall
Dear Randall
Do you have an HP (or Compaq or eMachines) laptop?
646 is a bug in the bugfix.
A fix for buggy bugfix is at
http://support.microsoft.com/kb/2258121
Microsoft says that might possibly work.
If it doesn't, they say you can try re-installing Microsoft
Office and wait for the next update in November.
They will get organized really soon, they hope.
Personally, if you have McAfee running, then there is no
need to panic. It will catch anybody trying to get in through
the holes in Office.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Freezing Eggs:
Until a good friend shared this tip with me, I did not know
that fresh eggs can be whisked together and frozen for up
to six months. I have been doing this for over a year now.
I buy large eggs when they are on sale in the 18 pack cartons.
I keep out about six for use in the fridge and then whisk together
whites and yolks of the remaining 12 eggs until just combined.
I then measure them into my ice ice-cube trays, using 3 Tbsp.
of the mixture per segment (3 Tbsp. is equivalent to 1 large egg).
Freeze until solid, then transfer cubes to a freezer bag
for up to 6 months. Don't forget to date the freezer bag.
When ready to use take out one or more and thaw in the
refrigerator.
By Bobbie G from Rockwall, TX
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger
This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff,
that you won't keep up anyway."
These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey
MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process,
reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body.
Give "Old School - New Body" a try!
One day a farmer's donkey fell into a well. The animal
cried pitifully for hours as the farmer tried to figure
out what to do. Finally, he decided that the donkey was
old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; so it
just wasn't worth it to retrieve the animal.
He invited all his neighbors to shovel dirt into the well.
At first, the donkey cried horribly. Then, to everyone's
amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the
farmer looked down the well and was astonished; with every
shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey would shake it
off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued
to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off
and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the
donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The
trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a
step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get
out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up!
Shake it off and take a step up!
Enough of that! The donkey later came back and kicked the
last three meals out of the farmer who had tried to bury him.
Moral: When you try to cover your ass,
it always comes back to get you.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two Jewish men are on a train across Poland, each on his
way to meet a prospective bride on the other side of the country.
Halfway there, the first turns to the second and says,
"Forget about this whole marriage thing. I just don't like the idea."
So he gets off at the next stop and makes his way back home.
Meanwhile, the second man continues on and is met at the final
destination by the mothers of the two prospective brides.
When the mothers realize what has happened, they instantly
begin to fight over whose daughter should wed this precious man.
"He's mine!" cries one.
"Not on your life," cries the other, "He will marry my daughter!"
After bickering for a while, the man and the two mothers
decide to go the local rabbi and ask him to resolve the situation.
In the grand tradition of the ancients, the rabbi replies,
"Well, there is only one solution to this problem. Cut the boy in half,
and you each take half home with you."
At this, the first mother looks shocked, while the second mother
grins and cries emphatically, "Yah! Cut him in half!!"
The rabbi points to the second mother and says,
"THAT is the real mother-in-law.
Case closed."
Tuesday, October 16, 2012, 09:23 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, October 16
I was trying to find a name and mug shot of a Bus driver in
New Berlin, Wisconsin, but their local media plastered
pictures and name and address of her victim all over, but
frantically protected the evil driver,
who is now sorry, that she lost her job.
I did find out the first name of the bus driver: Carol
She did not like the fact, tht a 12 year old kid was not
an Obama fan like her, and told him that his mother
should have chosen abortion for him.
To say that to a 12 year old kid is deep down evil,
and the school bus company fired her. However,
to issue a Bonehead Award I need a picture and
full name.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
1775 Portland, Maine burned by British
1781 Washington takes Yorktown
1876 Race riot at Cainhoy SC (5 whites & 1 black killed)
1923 Disney Co founded
1925 Texas School Board prohibits teaching of evolution
1926 Troop ship sinks in Yangtze River, killing 1,200
1941 Germany advances within 60 miles (96 K) of Moscow
1946 10 Nazi leaders hanged as war criminals after Nuremberg trials
1962 Cuban missile crisis began as JFK becomes aware of missiles in Cuba
1964 Brezhnev & Kosygin replace Krushchev as head of Russia
1964 China becomes world's 5th nuclear power
1978 Polish Cardinal Karol Wojtyla elected pope-John Paul II
1985 Intel introduces 32-bit 80386 microcomputer chip
1990 US forces reach 200,000 in the Persian Gulf
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits
with my net income.
--- Errol Flynn
Everything is vague to a degree you do not realize till you
have tried to make it precise.
--- Bertrand Russell
There is scarcely anything in the world that some man cannot
make a little worse, and sell a little more cheaply. The person
who buys on price alone is this man's lawful prey.
--- John Ruskin
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.
After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,
"Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"
The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says,
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions
of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise,
it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the
morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are
small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will
have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What's it tell you, Tonto?"
"You're dumber then buffalo pies.
Someone stole tent."
Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving.
In her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti
sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. She was worried
about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch.
She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her
concern. They advised Becky to boil the sauce again.
That night, the phone rang during dinner, and a guest
volunteered to answer it. Becky's face dropped as the
guest called out, "It's the Poison Control Center.
They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out."
Back by popular demand!
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
Huge discount if you act now!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Nicole Boover, 19, New Orleans, Louisiana
Nathan Yuhas, 18, New Orleans, Louisiana
She Wanted Her $500,000 Inheritance Now
Attempts To Shoot Mother Dead
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Louisiana State University students Nicole Boover, 19, and
Nathan Yuhas, 18, were jailed Monday after Boover allegedly
agreed to pay Yuhas $50,000 to assist her in murdering her
own mother.
Boover, police say, was after a $500,000 inheritance which
she planned to receive from her mother's death.
According to New Orleans police, Boover planned to shoot her
mother and then profit from her mother's death. She offered to
give Yuhas a $50,000 cut of her inheritance if he would help
with the murder plot.
Boover and Yuhas purchased gloves, duct tape, and a "Scream"
styled Halloween mask in preparation for the shooting.
Investigators say Boover knocked on her mother's apartment
door at around 4:30 a.m. and smiled innocently through the
door's peep hole. When Boover's mother opened the door,
she saw Boover pointing a gun at her. Mrs. Boover slammed
the door shut as Boover fired three shots into the door.
Boover fled the scene with Yuhas and drove back to the LSU
campus. Boover's step-father called police and reported the
incident. Officers found Boover's car on the LSU campus, with
Yuhas sitting inside of it. Boover was found in her dorm room.
Both suspects were apprehended.
Boover was booked into the New Orleans Parish Prison and
charged with attempted first-degree murder. She is currently
being held in lieu of a $500,000 bond. She was unable to
afford a lawyer, and was assigned a public defender.
Yuhas was booked into the New Orleans Parish Prison and
charged with being a principal to attempted first-degree murder.
He was released after posting $100,000 bond.
VIP Video Converter is a reliable, user friendly
and affordable video converting software.
It allows you to convert video files to
various key video formats,
and lots of audio file formats as well.
Under $10 for a lifetime license!
Tech Support Pits
:From: Mary Lou
Re: Internet Explorer stuck on 404
Dear Webby,
I am having trouble gettig my "Internet Explorer" to perform
it's duty. How can I get it back on track?
When I try to open it, i tells me it canot display the web site/page.
Did I ask you this once befor? Please excuse me if I am
repeating a request, but you are so brilliant, I thought I'd
ask in case I failed to conact your expertise.
ML
Dear Mary Lou
Somehow your start / home page got changed to some weird
address, that is no longer available.
When it gives you that error message, type into the address bar:
http://webby.com/humor
After that it should be OK again.
You might also have to edit the start / home page, and put an
address in there, that will be guaranteed working, like the
address of the Humor Letter.
Quite likely you installed some flakey program, that put their
own site as your start / home page into Internet Explorer,
but because they are so flakey, they got shut down, and since
then you get a 404 (page not found).
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Smash Nuts for Baking:
Do you ever need finely crushed nuts in your recipe, but
only have whole walnuts in your cupboard? No problem!
An easy way I discovered to crush the nuts is to place
them on a large sheet of wax paper, fold the wax paper over
the top of the nuts and use a rolling pin to crush the nuts,
pushing down and rolling. No mess, no fuss, and easy!
By Linn from Dartmouth, Nova Scotia
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger
This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff,
that you won't keep up anyway."
These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey
MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process,
reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body.
Give "Old School - New Body" a try!
Two fathers-to-be met in the maternity waiting room.
"Can you believe this? The first day of our vacation,
and she goes into labor!"
The second one looks at the first and says, "What do
you have to complain about? This is our honeymoon!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
If GH can stand for P as in Hiccough
If OUGH can stand for O as in Dough
If PHTH can stand for T as in Phthisis
If EIGH can stand for A as in Neighbor
If TTE can stand for T as in Gazette
If EAU can stand for O as in Plateau
Then the right way to spell POTATO should be:
"GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU"
Sunday, October 14, 2012, 01:08 PM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, October 14
Usually the weather warms up nicely in the second half of
October. This year that has started right after the snow
earlier this week.
On my walk I checked the fruit and veggie stands. Sometimes
they lower their prices on Saturday evening, so that they
don't have to pack up or toss stuff, that has been out for
a while.
Fruit was out of my budget, but I managed to get three
cobs of corn for a dollar! It was tempting to head straight
home after that, but I did complete a 3 mile round. Not
as good as the 4-mile route, but good enough.
The first of those cobs sure tasted great!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
1066 Battle of Hastings, in which William the Conqueror wins England
1586 Mary Queen of Scots goes on trial for conspiracy against Elizabeth
1834 1st black to obtain a US patent, Henry Blair, for a corn planter
1884 George Eastman patents paper-strip photographic film
1922 1st automated telephones-Pennsylvania exchange in NYC
1944 German Field Marshal Erwin Rommel commits suicide rather
than face trial for his part in an attempt to overthrow Hitler
1947 Chuck Yeager in Bell XS-1 makes 1st American supersonic
flight (Mach 1.015)
1949 14 US Communist Party leaders convicted of sedition
1950 Rev Sun Young Moon liberated from Hung Nam prison
1953 Ike promises to fire as Red any federal worker taking 5th amendment
1969 Race riots in Springfield Mass
1971 2 killed in Memphis racial disturbances
1982 6,000 Unification church couples wed in Korea
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
All speaking is public speaking
whether it's to one person or a thousand.
--- Roger Love
It is healthy to be reminded that
the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.
--- Mahatma Gandhi
Government is the great fiction, through which everybody
endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.
--- Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)
A new forestry graduate receives his first 5-year posting
way out in the middle of a huge forest with no people
around for miles. Much to his surprise, included in
the survival gear that they give him, is a recipe for
matzo balls.
When he asks why he's receiving a matzo ball recipe, he is told,
"Sometime, a few years down the road when the solitude *really*
starts to get to you, you'll pull out this matzo ball recipe and
start to mix it together. "Within five minutes you'll have a half
a dozen Jewish women hovering over you telling you what
you are doing wrong!"
--------------
Hmmm, maybe I should try that. There must be lots of matzo
ball recipes on the web. But first I am going to have to
shoot some matzos!
Back by popular demand!
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
Huge discount if you act now!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Betsian Penaloza, 34, in San Juan, Puerto Rico
Fatty The Maneater - Charged With Pimping
Out Teen Daughter For $500
Reported in The Weekly Vice
Betsian Penaloza, a 34-year-old Puerto Rico woman has been
jailed after she allegedly pimped out her 14-year-old
daughter for $500.
According to federal authorities, Penaloza offered to sell
her own 14-year-old daughter and two other underage
girls to an undercover federal agent during a human
trafficking investigation in Puerto Rico.
Investigators say Penaloza brought her daughter and two other
girls to the Sheraton Hotel at the San Juan Convention Center
for the planned sexual encounter. Penaloza allegedly demanded
$500 for sex with her daughter and $250 for each of the other
two girls.
Penaloza, who goes by the nickname "Fatty the Maneater," is
also accused of prostituting other young girls and may face
additional charges as the investigation continues.
A list of charges was not immediately available. Penaloza
remains in jail pending her initial hearing.
VIP Video Converter is a reliable, user friendly
and affordable video converting software.
It allows you to convert video files to
various key video formats,
and lots of audio file formats as well.
Under $10 for a lifetime license!
Tech Support Pits:
From: Lynn
Re: MSIE Link
Dear Webby,
How can I put a link to a website that I use a *lot* in the
Int. Explorer toolbar? I tried dragging the URL into a
blank spot in the toolbar, but it didn't work (That's the
way I do it in Firefox which I use most of the time; but
this one particular website will only work correctly in
Internet Explorer.)
Thanks for any help you can give; love your humor letter!
--Lynn
Dear Lynn
With IE the easiest way is to drag the icon from the
address bar onto a blank spot on the desktop or drop
it onto a desktop folder.
You CAN enable links in the top bar, and drag it to there,
but space there is limited, and if you narrow the window,
those links are often hidden.
Personally, I prefer the first method and have a few
shortcuts to thematic folders along the left margin of
the desktop. For example, a music folder, a graphics
folder, etc. The reason for using shortcuts to folders,
instead of desktop folders, is that you can change the
icons for shortcuts, but all desktop folders look the same.
In W7 that bug got fixed and you can change the icons
for desktop folders.
You can, of course just drag it onto the desktop, and leave
it visible there for anybody who walks by.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Reuse Cake Mix Bag For Decorating:
When I make cupcakes from a cake mix, I always save the bag.
I rinse the bag out, dry it, clip a corner and insert a decorating tip
inside. It makes a perfect disposable frosting bag and these
bags are super strong.
By norulesart from Sunny Florida
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger
This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff,
that you won't keep up anyway."
These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey
MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process,
reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body.
Give "Old School - New Body" a try!
In Jerusalem, a CNN journalist heard about a very old man
who had been to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day,
each day, for a long, long time, and so she decided to
check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he
was! She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes,
when he turned to leave, she approached him for an interview.
"I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. Sir, how long have you
been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"
"For about 60 years."
"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and Muslims.
I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children
to grow up in safety and friendship."
"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"
"Like I'm talking to a stupid wall."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old
fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free
to good home. You want it, you take it".
For three days the fridge sat there without even one person
looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were
too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true,
so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50".
The next day someone stole it.
Caution! These people Vote
Saturday, October 13, 2012, 10:36 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, October 12
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
1483 Rabbi Issac Abarbanel starts his exegesis on the Bible
1860 1st aerial photo taken in US (from a balloon), Boston
1919 Race riot at Elaine Arkansas
1943 Italy declares war on former ally Germany
1953 Burglar alarm-ultrasonic or radio waves-patented-Samuel Bagno
1964 Voskhod 1 crew returns
1987 1st military use of trained dolphins (US Navy in Persian Gulf)
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 a piece
on those little bottles of Evian water?
Try spelling Evian backward."
--- George Carlin
"If you would not be forgotten, as soon as you are dead and
rotten, either write things worth reading, or do things
worth writing."
--- Benjamin Franklin
The following is a quote from a director of sports infor-
mation in the Navy, regarding the theft of some mascots
from the Naval Academy by Army rivals:
"We knew Army cadets were involved because they cut through
two fences to get to the goats, and 15 feet away there was
an unlocked gate."
"Information? I need the number of Caseway Insurance Company."
"Would you spell that, please?"
"Certainly. That's C as in cadence. A as in aye. S as in sea.
E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you."
"Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."
Back by popular demand!
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
Huge discount if you act now!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Erica Hess, 24, in Daytona Beach, Florida
Jailed After Toddler Daughter Found
Walking On Roof Of Two Story Home
Daytona Beach, Fla.
Reported in The Weekly Vice
Erica Hess, a 24-year-old Florida woman was jailed Tuesday
after her toddler daughter was found walking on the roof of
her two-story home.
According to the Volusia County Sheriff's Office, deputies
were dispatched at around 10 a.m. after a witness called to
report that a toddler was walking on the roof of a neighbor's
home.
Deputies arrived to find a dog on the roof and Hess's
2-year-old daughter standing on an adjacent deck dressed
only in underwear.
The deputy reportedly watched as the toddler tried to crawl
back onto the roof through a barrier that surrounded the
deck.
The deputy made several verbal attempts to alert the
homeowner of the impending danger while staying within
sight of the child. Erica Hess reportedly came out onto
the deck about 15 minutes later to remove the child.
Hess told the deputy that she was unaware that her daughter
had climbed onto the roof. She claimed to have had an
unobstructed view of the child at all times, but later
admitted to losing track of the child while using the
bathroom.
Hess was booked into the Volusia County Jail and charged
with one count of child neglect. She has one previous arrest
in Volusia County for driving on a suspended or
cancelled license.
VIP Video Converter is a reliable, user friendly
and affordable video converting software.
It allows you to convert video files to
various key video formats,
and lots of audio file formats as well.
Under $10 for a lifetime license!
Tech Support Pits:
From: RJR
Re: eml
Dear Webby,
When I try to open certain emails that have the extension
.eml I am getting the error box that says "this file does not
have a program associated with it...etc." and to create
one under settings, folder options. When I check there I
do see EML already listed. Does this have something to
do with AOL sent emails? I recently removed Earthlink,
which is when I began seeing this error.
Thanks for any ideas. Have a happy Thanksgiving.
R. J.
Dear RJ
That's just a virus masquerading as an Outlook Depressed
message. That is why some of us have called Outlook
Depressed a "Virus Magnet" for many years. It opens that
stuff!
Turn on the settings for showing all extensions, even known
ones, and for showing all hidden files. Probably that file
was actually something like "password.eml.pif" but the
second extension was hidden.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Water Plants With Leftover Tea
Don't throw out your leftover tea. I
nstead feed it to you indoor or outdoor plants for an
extra boost. Use brewed unsweetened tea only.
By Ivy from Rancho Palos Verdes
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger
This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff,
that you won't keep up anyway."
These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey
MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process,
reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body.
Give "Old School - New Body" a try!
Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian
said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this
turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and settle my
guilt?"
"Certainly not," said the Priest. "As penance, you must
return it to the one from whom you stole it."
"I tried," Brian sobbed, "but he refused. Oh, Father, what
should I do?"
"If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to
keep it for your family."
Thanking the Priest, Brian hurried off.
When confession was over, the Priest returned to his
residence. When he walked into the kitchen, he found that
someone had stolen his turkey.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Bonnie
I was in the kitchen one day, trying to reach the baking
powder on the top shelf of a cabinet. Being only five feet
tall, I had to stretch, but still couldn't grab the box.
Fortunately, I have two six-foot-tall sons whom
I often call to come to my rescue.
"Hey, Brian!" I yelled to my second son, who was in the
living room.
"Will you get your tallness in here and get this for me?"
"Sure, Mom," he remarked as he bounded into the kitchen.
"But next time, I'd prefer the title, 'Your Highness'."
Friday, October 12, 2012, 11:28 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, October 12
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Woke up to a white wonderland. It had snowed overnight,
and cooled off considerably. No chance of it melting before
I had to walk to the other end of town to see an optometrist.
My freezing ears remionded me that summer is definitely over,
and that there is no Gullible Warming in Alberta.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
1285 180 Jews refuse baptism in Munich Germany, they are set on fire
1492 Columbus arrives in the Bahamas; the real Columbus Day
1823 Charles Macintosh of Scotland begins selling raincoats (Macs)
1860 British & French troops capture Peking
1918 1st use of iron lung (Boston's Children Hospital)
1933 John Dillinger escapes from the Allen County, OH, jail
1941 Russian govt moves from Moscow to Volga as Nazis close in on Moscow
1942 US navy defeats Japanese in WW II Battle of Cape Esperance
1960 Nikita Khrushchev pounds his shoe at UN General Assembly session
1977 Psychic Romark attempts to drive blindfolded, smashed into cop van
1984 IRA bombs hotel where Margaret Thatcher is staying
1988 Israel & China sign trade deal, plan diplomatic relations
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Only the shallow know themselves.
--- Oscar Wilde
When a person can no longer laugh at himself,
it is time for others to laugh at him.
--- Thomas Szasz
A rabbi was called to a Miami Beach Nursing Home to perform a
wedding. An anxious old man met him at the door. The rabbi sat
down to counsel the old man and asked several questions.
"Do you love her?"
The old man replied, "I guess."
"Is she a good Jewish woman?"
"I don't know for sure," the old man answered.
"Does she have lots of money?" asked the rabbi.
"I doubt it."
"Then why are you marrying her?" the rabbi asked.
"She can drive at night," the old man said
When the aged president of the company was out of town,
half a dozen of his senior executives got together to plan
some way to ease the old coot out of the driver's seat.
To their horror, the executive VP's secretary buzzed him
halfway through the meeting to inform him that the
president had come back early and was on his way to
see him.
"If he catches us all here he'll know exactly what we're
up to," cried the VP. "Quick, you five jump out the
window!"
"But we're on the thirteenth floor," protested the treasurer.
"Jump!" yelled the VP. "This is no time for superstition!"
Back by popular demand!
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
Huge discount if you act now!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Raymond Garcia, 45, Roswell, New Mexico
Jailed After Getting Into Brawl With
Stop Sign, Fighting Officers
Reported in The Weekly Vice
Raymond Garcia, a 45-year-old Roswell man was jailed Friday
after he allegedly got into a fight with a stop sign, then attacked
police officers who had been dispatched to break up the
altercation.
According to Roswell Police, officers dispatched to Main
Street and West Deming at around 2:30 a.m. after a witness
called 911 to report that a man was engaged in a fight with
a stop sign,
When officers arrived on the scene, Garcia became
argumentative and attempted to flee. Two officers shot
Garcia with Taser darts, however Garcia kicked and
fought officers as they attempted to apprehend him.
Officers attempted to use a Taser on Garcia a second
time, however, he pulled the darts out and continued to
resist. One officer attempted to use a baton to subdue him,
however, Garcia reportedly grabbed the baton and swung
it at officers.
When officers tried to use pepper spray on Garcia, he wiped
his face and ran away - throwing the baton at officers as he
fled.
Eventually, Garcia was tackled and subdued by three officers.
Investigators believe that Garcia had used drugs prior to the
incident, however, none were found on his person.
The stop sign was not seriously injured in the attack.
He was booked into the Chaves County Detention Center
and charged with aggravated assault against a peace
officer, disarming, and resisting arrest.
VIP Video Converter is a reliable, user friendly
and affordable video converting software.
It allows you to convert video files to
various key video formats,
and lots of audio file formats as well.
Under $10 for a lifetime license!
Tech Support Pits:
From: Maria
Re: Camera bolt
Dear Webby,
I can't find that 1/4 inch by 20 bolt, that you specify for
holding my camera. Is there a metric equivalent,
that could be used?
Thanks
Maria
Dear Maria
If you force a similar metric bolt into that soft mounting
hole, no tripod bolt will ever fit again. Not a good idea!
You can probably find a cheap table-top tripod at a
Dollar Store or at a camera store for under $10.
Then just glue that onto your telescoping pole.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Water Plants With Leftover Tea
Don't throw out your leftover tea. I
nstead feed it to you indoor or outdoor plants for an
extra boost. Use brewed unsweetened tea only.
By Ivy from Rancho Palos Verdes
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger
This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff,
that you won't keep up anyway."
These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey
MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process,
reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body.
Give "Old School - New Body" a try!
Charlie made an appointment with a urologist, famous for
his work in the field of impotence. The doctor examined him
and said, "You're in remarkably good condition for a man of
85. Why are you here?"
Charlie replied, "My friend Max says he has sex twice a week.
I can't do that."
The doctor shrugged. "Yes you can. You can certainly SAY
you have sex as many times a week as you like."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A linguistics professor was lecturing his class.
"In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a
positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double
negative is still a negative."
"However," the professor continued, "there is no language
wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up. "Yeah, right."
Thursday, October 11, 2012, 10:45 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, October 11
Thank you, Ray!
>From Dr Bill
I enjoy reading the tips you give because people are
apparently doing things with their computer that I know
nothing about - however, I found a free word processor
some years ago which I have found to be the easiest,
most reliable program I ever used, and I write and save a
lot of stuff - it is called "Jarte" - you might like to share it
with folks who aren't into the highly complex stuff that
many appear to be addicted to.
Bill
I have not used Jarte, but it looks quite impressive!
It is available free at http://jarte.com
Jarte might be ideal for people, who just want a simple word
processor or have limited space. You CAN put Jarte onto a
camera chip or key-fob drive, and use it on different machines,
for example home and work, or when visiting relatives. You
don't have to install it on those alternate machines, and as
far as I can tell, it won't leave any traces on those machines..
Thanks Dr Bill!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
1737 Earthquake kills 300,000 & destroys 3/4 of Calcutta, India
1797 British naval forces defeat Dutch off Camperdown, Holland
1811 The Juliana, the 1st steam-powered ferryboat
1923 German mark falls to 10 billion per Pound, 4 billion per $
1945 Chinese civil war begins, Chiang Kai-Shek vs Mao Tse-Tung
1968 Panama revolts
1991 Anita Hill testifies Clarence Thomas sexually harrassed her
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"Our dead are never dead to us,
until we have forgotten them."
--- George Eliot
>From Dave:
Best Out Of The Office messages:
1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply
to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my
mood.
2. You are receiving this automatic notification because
I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't
have received anything at all.
3. I will be unable to delete all the silly emails you send
me until I return from vacation on October 30th.
Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order
it was received.
4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been
charged $10.99 for the first ten words and $5.99 for each
additional word in your message.
5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server
connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please
restart your computer and try sending again.
(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see
how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
6. Thank you for your message, which has been added
to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place,
and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
7. I've run away to join a different circus.
>From Senna
One morning I was called to pick up my son at the school
nurse's office.
When I walked through the main entrance, I noticed a woman,
curlers in her hair, green mudpack on the face, wearing
pajamas. "Why are you dressed like that?" I asked her.
"I told my son," she explained, "that if he ever did anything
to embarrass me, I would embarrass him worse.
He was caught cutting school. So now I've come to spend
the day with him!"
Back by popular demand!
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
Huge discount if you act now!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Keegan Curry, 25, in St. Petersburg, Florida
Struck By Car While Fleeing
From Loss-Prevention Officer
Reported in The Weekly Vice
Keegan Curry, a 25-year-old St. Petersburg man was hospitalized
after he allegedly shoplifted from a local J.C. Penny retail store
before he was struck by a car while fleeing the scene.
According to St. Petersburg police, Curry was stopped by a
loss-prevention officer after he attempted to leave a J.C. Penny
retail store without paying for items he had concealed inside
his pants.
Curry pushed past the officer and stated "I'm not going back
to prison" as he attempted to flee the scene.
Investigators say the officer and a bystander chased Curry
as he ran onto the northbound lane of a busy road and was
struck by a 2005 Chrysler minivan.
As rescue crews attempted to treat Curry's injuries, they
removed two shirts from his pants that he had stolen from
the store.
Curry was taken to Bayfront Medical Center where he
received treatment for severe injuries. The driver and
front passenger inside the minivan were not seriously
injured.
Curry will be hauled to jail when he is discharged from
the hospital.
VIP Video Converter is a reliable, user friendly
and affordable video converting software.
It allows you to convert video files to
various key video formats,
and lots of audio file formats as well.
Under $10 for a lifetime license!
Tech Support Pits:
From: Amy
Re: Tall tripod
Dear Webby,
I need a really tall tripod or something, to take pictures
above the heads of a crowd. My camera does have a swivel
monitor, so that I don't have to be up there myself.
What is the solution, and where can I get it?
Amy
Dear Amy
Tripods and crowds do NOT mix. Everybody will either
trip over it's legs or kick them.
You need a "stick".
Get a telescoping shower curtain rod,
a 1 inch long 1/4" by 20 bolt and a 1/4" wingnut,
plus some two component epoxy.
Roughen one end of the curtain rod with sand paper and
clean it with rubbing alcohol, then epoxy the bolt onto it,
with the head of it on the end of the rod. Use more than the
absolute minimum of epoxy and make it look nice and smooth.
When the epoxy is hard, thread the wingnut onto the bolt, with
the wings pointing towards the rod. Now you can thread the
camera onto the bolt, until it just barely bottoms out.
Then turn the wingnut up towards the camera and lock it.
With the wingnut you can use a bit of force, but not with the
bolt intio the camera.
The telescoping rods can usually be locked by twisting them,
and you can fix it for whatever height you need that day.
If yours does not lock, you can force it to a few popular height
levels and drill small holes through it. A small screw through
both the outer and inner pipe will lock it.
A lengthwise paint stripe on both pipes will really help for
lining up the little holes. You don't have to thread the holes,
the spring in the pipe has more than enough tension to
hold the screw securely.
Some people glue a cross or an "L" bracket onto the pipe
for really smooth panning.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Pringles Cans for Storage
Besides making the solar hot dog cooker that I've seen on
several sites, I use Pringles containers for storing the plastic
bags we get from stores. Then, I have a portable dispenser
for plastic bags to store in car, hunting and fishing gear, and
for gardening (for holding produce while harvesting and for
gifting excess produce to others).
By Clydecito from Western Kansas
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger
This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff,
that you won't keep up anyway."
These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey
MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process,
reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body.
Give "Old School - New Body" a try!
Doctor Bloom who was known for miraculous cures for arthritis had a
waiting room full of people when a little old lady, completely bent over
in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her walker. When her turn came,
she went into the doctor's office, and, amazingly, emerged within half
an hour walking completely erect with her head held high.
A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this walked up to the
little old lady and said, "It's a miracle! You walked in bent in half
and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?"
She answered, "Miracle, shmiracle . . he adjusted my walker."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Jackhas died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out
Jack's Last Willand Testament. "To my dear wife Esther, I leave the
house, 50 acres of land, and 1 million dollars. To my son Barry, I leave
my Big Lexus,the Jaguar and my business. To my daughter Suzy, I leave my
yacht and $250,000. And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted
that health is better than wealth, I leave my collection of vitamines."
Wednesday, October 10, 2012, 11:54 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, October 10
>From Frank
Hi Webby
Re: Winzip eats drive space
Or just use 7zip (www.7zip.com) which is free!!
Cheers
Frank
I have used 7zip.
It does work, but it definitely requires changing habits
and reading instructions. Probably to avoid copyright suits,
they use a different user interface.
If you are willing to read the instructions, the 7zip will
work well for you.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today in
1780 Great Hurricane of 1780 kills 25,000 in Caribbean
1846 Neptune's moon Triton discovered by William Lassell
1868 Cuba revolts for independence against Spain
1874 Fiji becomes a British possession
1911 Sun Yat-sen's revolutionaries overthrow Manchus
(Taiwan Nat'l Day)
1913 Gamboa Dam in Panama blown up; Atlantic & Pacific waters mix
1914 German forces route Belgians in Antwerp Belgium (WW I)
1933 1st synthetic detergent for home use marketed
1938 Germany completed annexation of Czechoslovakia's Sudetenland
1963 Treaty banning atmospheric nuclear tests signed by US, UK, USSR
1970 Fiji gains independence from Britain (National Day)
1975 Liz Taylor's 6th marriage (re-marries Richard Burton)
1979 Panama assumes sovereignty over Canal Area (ie Canal Zone)
1987 Bruce Springsteen releases his 9th album "Tunnel of Love"
1991 Ex-postal worker Joseph Harris kills 4 postal workers
1991 Greyhound Bus ends bankruptcy
2012 smiled
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.
--- Dave Barry
The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern.
Every class is unfit to govern.
--- Lord Acton, 1881
An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.
--- Friedrich Engels
"A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday
but never remembers her age."
--- Robert Frost
A man was burglaring a house in the middle of the night.
All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out.
"Jesus is gonna get you."
The robber ignored it, and takes the TV. Again, the parrot
cries out. "Jesus is gonna get you."
The robber started to get a little worried.
"What's your name, birdie?"
"Moses."
"What dummy named you Moses?"
"The same dummy who called his Rottweiler Jesus."
A man was sued by the mayor for defamation of character.
She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was
found guilty and fined.
After sentencing he asked the judge, "This means that I
cannot call Mrs. Allmond a pig?"
The judge said that was true.
"Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Allmond?" the man
asked.
The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig
Mrs. Allmond with no fear of legal action.
The man looked directly at Mrs. Allmond and said,
"Good afternoon, Mrs. Allmond."
Back by popular demand!
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
Huge discount if you act now!
Click on the picture for the large version
Solar Sneeze. Note the size of the earth!
Earth is not really at that location, just shown for size
comparison. The mass of the sneeze is tens of thousands
of times the mass of earth.
Movie of the sneeze
You may have to visit the on-line version of the
Humor Letter to see it.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Cesar Alcivar, 40, in Clearwater, FL
Jailed for Impregnating 12-Year-Old Girl after
Sexually Molesting Her For More Than A year
Reported in The Weekly Vice
Cesar Alcivar, a 40-year-old Florida man has been jailed
after he allegedly impregnated a 12-year-old girl after
repeatedly molesting her for more than a year.
According to Clearwater police, an investigation was launched
after a 12-year-old girl was brought to the emergency room
complaining of stomach pain, but was found to be pregnant
instead.
Investigators say the girl's mother brought he girl to a
Clearwater area hospital after she complained of chronic
stomach pain. Doctors performed tests, however, that
revealed she was pregnant.
The investigation that followed revealed that the girl had
endured more than a year of sexual abuse beginning when
she was just 11 years old. The victim identified the suspect
as 39-year-old Cesar Alcivar.
Alcivar was booked into the Pinellas County Jail and charged
with capital sexual battery. Bond has not yet been set in
the case.
VIP Video Converter is a reliable, user friendly
and affordable video converting software.
It allows you to convert video files to
various key video formats,
and lots of audio file formats as well.
Under $10 for a lifetime license!
Tech Support Pits:
From: Nora
Re: PPS files that won't open
Dear Webby,
People send me PPS files all the time, often with really
beautiful pictures. Sometimes, however, I get an error about
Open Office not loading password encrypted Microslop
Powerpoint presentations. I guess somebody is trying
to rub it in, that they had the money to buy the full Microslop
Office.
I don't have that kind of money and use Open Office.
Usually, it seems, people password stuff after they slobber
religious or dogooder quotes onto good pictures.
Is there a way around that childish passwording of PPS
files?
Nora
Dear Nora
You can go to my tool box at http://webby.com/tools
and grab the Microsft Powerpoint READER. That one is free.
Depending on the type of passwording, you can only view
the PPS, but can't take the slobbery comments off.
To make it editable, you have to send it to somebody, who
has the full version of Microsoft Office. They can save it in
editable mode.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Pringles Cans for Storage
Besides making the solar hot dog cooker that I've seen on
several sites, I use Pringles containers for storing the plastic
bags we get from stores. Then, I have a portable dispenser
for plastic bags to store in car, hunting and fishing gear, and
for gardening (for holding produce while harvesting and for
gifting excess produce to others).
By Clydecito from Western Kansas
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently
vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in
one place, without having to go there separately for each..
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger
This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff,
that you won't keep up anyway."
These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey
MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process,
reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body.
Give "Old School - New Body" a try!
A nun was sitting at a window in her convent one day when
she was handed a letter from home. Upon opening it a $50
bill dropped out. She was most pleased at receiving the gift
from her home folks, but as she read the letter her attention
was distracted by the actions of a shabbily dressed
stranger who was leaning against a post in front of the convent.
She couldn't get him off her mind and thinking that he might
be in financial difficulties. She took the $50 bill and
wrapped it in a piece of paper, on which she had written,
"Don't despair, Sister Eulalia."
She threw it out of the window to him. He picked it up, read it,
looked at her with a puzzled expression, tipped his hat and
went off down the street.
The next day she was in her room saying her prayers when
she was told that a man was at her door who insisted on
seeing her.
She went down and found the shabbily dressed stranger
waiting for her. Without saying a word he handed her a roll
of bills.
When she asked what the bills were for he replied,
"That's the four-hundred bucks you have coming.
Don't Despair paid 7-1."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
My sister, went to the department store to check out the
bridal registry of our niece whose wedding was coming up
soon. When my sister returned from the store, she tossed
the gift list on a table and declared, "I think she's too
young to get married."
"Why do you say that?" I asked.
"Because," she said, "they registered for Nintendo games."
Click here for a FREE 30 day trial
This is the Mail Washer that we use and have used for 12 years. I have
tested many others, but Mail Washer is still The Best spam control.
The best tool for getting rid of spy-ware and mal-ware.
Still FREE Dear Bubba
All is forgiven. I still love you. Please come back!
Ps. Congratulations on your lottery win!
Your Betty-Sue
Space Weather
Solar storms, Auroras Thesaurus
HungerSite
A free click donates a cup of food to a hungry person.
The number of mammograms donated thanks to clicks has dropped quite noticeably
when these two ladies went away. So here they are back, working hard to get
you to click. Donate by clicking! BreastCancer
Site
A free click helps to donate mammograms to women who
can not afford one.
Tech Support Pits: Re: Not getting a subscription
... not getting my subscription newsletters, not just the Humor Letter, but
others too. I can't re-sub- scribe because I am still on the list....
Dear Friends, If you are on the list, then the subscriptions are sent out
TOWARDS you. If you don't see them, then either you or your ISP are blocking
them.
Complaining to me won't fix your or your ISP's spam block. Check your spam
control program and, if necessary, white-list the missing subscription or
declare it as friendly. If your spam control program is OK, contact your
ISP.
If you are using one of those address collectors that pretend to be email
verification programs, but ask for people to fill out all kinds of information,
forget it!
NO newsletter send program will even click on a verification link, never
mind filling out some silly junkmail order form. If you want a newsletter,
it is up to YOU, to make sure that you are not blocking it.
The Humor Letter is no exception, except that you can still read it here,
on-line, at http://webby.com/humor,
even if you are blocking it in the mail.
kamagra 12/15/2011 Hey,I like your blog..I think you plotted most fascinated...Mona 08/08/2010 Do these comments show up?jason Tyler 04/01/2010 I was never a real big fan of earth link. Either way nice...Dentist Pomona 12/14/2009 I liked the snow house picture it looks very nice. I would...roboform 07/10/2009 Dear Webby, No need to install the RoboForm separate xpi...
Have FUN! DearWebby
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to
Denise Colon, 27, in Nashville, Tennessee Shoplifter attacked staff with screwdriver, car Reported by the Weekly Vice Denise Colon, a 27-year-old Nashville woman was jailed Saturday after she allegedly shoplifted from a local Walmart, then stabbed one employee with a screwdriver and ran into another employee with her car while fleeing the scene. According to Nashville police, a Walmart employee attempted to stop Colon after she tried to walk out of the store with approximately $100 worth of stolen merchandise. Colon retaliated by stabbing the employee with a screwdriver before fleeing to the parking lot where her car was parked. When a second employee followed Colon to her car, Colon jumped into the vehicle and backed it into the employee. The employee that received a stab wound was treated at a local hospital for non-life threatening injuries. Court records show that this is not Colon's first run-in with the law. In 2011, she was arrested after she allegedly left a baby at a local Target retail store. The baby did not belong to Colon, and the child's mother claimed that she had nothing to do with the incident. According to state records, Colon has been arrested for shoplifting on numerous occasions. She was booked into jail and charged with theft and aggravated assault.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
» Currier and Ives
Click on the picture for the large version
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:(OLD picture) Shelley Lapsley, 42, in Fort Wayne, Indiana Charged With Insurance Fraud After Brawling With School Bus, Losing Reported by the Weekly Vice Shelley Lapsley, a 42-year-old Fort Wayne woman has been charged after she allegedly punched a school bus with her fists, then attempted to file a false insurance claim. According to Fort Wayne police, Lapsley allegedly submitted a claims report to the Fort Wayne Community School's insurance company, stating that she had been struck by one of their school buses. Lapsley's story fell apart, however, when surveillance video obtained from the bus showed her intentionally punching the bus with her fists. Lapsley was charged with Class D felony insurance fraud.
Click on the picture for the large version
Click on the picture for the large version
Niles, Gammons, 22, in Urbana, Ohio
Bonehead In Two Drunk Driving Busts,
At The Same Time
Reported by the Smoking Gun
Due to daylight saving switch, Bonehead was
nabbed twice at 1:08 AM
Niles Gammons, 22, was first pulled over by an Urbana cop
when he was spotted driving an Oldsmobile the wrong way
in an alley. Gammons was pulled over at 1:08 AM by an
officer who reported that he reeked of booze and had glassy
eyes.
Sergeant Dave Reese noted that when he sought to have
Gammons perform a Breathalyzer test, “I could hear that
he had something in his mouth.” As it turned out,
Gammons’s mouth was filled with pennies.
“I then advised Niles that pennies in the mouth were a
myth and that it did not help in taking a breath test,”
Reese noted.
After Gammons’s blood alcohol content was measured at
.116, he was arrested for drunk driving. After being transported
to the Urbana police headquarters, Gammons was issued
citations and “released to an adult.”
Following Gammons’s departure, Reese wrote, “At 2:00 AM,
the time changed from daylight savings time to standard time
and 2:00 AM became 1:00 AM.”
At 1:08 AM, “exactly one hour after the first stop”. Reese
was driving his patrol car in Urbana’s municipal parking lot
when a vehicle “backed out of a spot rapidly and nearly
collided with my cruiser.”
Reese quickly determined that Gammons was behind the wheel.
“I asked Niles why he was driving, because he was under
suspension and still drunk.”
Gammons replied that “his friend that picked him up dropped
him off and refused to take him home.”
Then, in a sterling example of intoxicated logic, Gammons
explained that he “was afraid of getting arrested for public
intoxication so he decided to drive,” according to the
police report.
Gammons was again arrested for drunk driving and transported
to the Urbana Police Division, where his blood alcohol content
registered .109.
The separate tickets issued to Gammons both carry the same
date and time--November 4 at 1:08 AM. He is set to appear
--for both cases-- in Champaign County Municipal Court on
November 15. Each matter is scheduled for 3:30 PM.
Click on the picture for the large versionClick on the picture for the large version CC, Dianne's Cat Mat Tester
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Taquita Lashay Watson, 29, Pensacola Caregiver Assaulted Bedridden 106-Year-Old Woman With A "Sexual Instrument" Reported by the Smoking Gun A female caregiver was arrested today and charged with sexually assaulting a 106-year-old woman in her care, according to cops. Taquita Lashay Watson, 29, had been providing in-home care to the bedridden victim, according to the Pensacola Police Department. Investigators determined that Watson last month had "used a sexual instrument" on the elderly woman. Watson, pictured in the mug shot, was charged with sexual assault and booked into the Escambia County jail in lieu of $25,000 bond. A police report lists her employer as Interim HealthCare in Pensacola. According to a police statement, the investigation of Watson, who has worked as a caretaker for the elderly for eight years, is continuing "to determine if anyone else may have been victimized." A police report provides disturbing details of the October 26 assault of the woman, who cops described as having "no known mental health issues" and whose "mental capacity appeared to be fine." The victim told police that Watson, whom she knew as "Q", assaulted her with a six-inch "peter", that she removed from her purse along with a jar of Vaseline. The woman told police that Watson "pulled her pants and diaper down and told her that this 'would make her feel good.'" As Watson allegedly tried to assault her with the sex toy, the victim said she screamed at the caregiver to stop. Watson replied that, "all the old people like it and it makes them feel good," according to the woman's account to police. The victim said that when she started to bleed from her vagina, Watson cursed at her and said she would "get it in next time" before warning that, "if you tell anyone, I will hurt you." The victim was subsequently given a sexual assault examination which revealed "obvious signs of trauma" to her vagina, cops reported.
Click on the picture for the large versionClick on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Shena Hardin, 32, in Cleveland, Ohio Ohio woman who drove on sidewalk to avoid school bus ordered to wear 'idiot' sign Reported by Lillemor A woman caught on camera driving on a sidewalk to avoid a Cleveland school bus that was unloading children will have to stand at an intersection wearing a sign warning about idiots. Court records show a Cleveland Municipal Court judge on Monday ordered 32-year-old Shena Hardin to stand at an intersection for two days next week. She will have to wear a sign saying: "Only an idiot drives on the sidewalk to avoid a school bus." The judge ordered her to wear the sign from 7:45 a.m. to 8:45 a.m. both days. Hardin's license was suspended for 30 days and she was ordered to pay $250 in court costs.
Click on the picture for the large versionClick on the picture for the large version Dragon Falls, Venezuela
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Elzbieta Plackowska, 40, Naperville, IL Stabbed two children more than 150 times Reported by The Weekly Vice lzbieta Plackowska, a 40-year-old Illinois woman has been charged with murder after she allegedly told two young children to get on their knees and pray before stabbing them more than 150 times. That is premeditated first degree murder. According to Naperville police, Plackowska became enraged when her father passed away in Poland and her husband wasn't keen on the idea of moving back to the homeland to be closer to him. In retaliation, Plackowska sought revenge on her husband by stabbing to death her own 7-year-old son and a 5-year-old girl she had agreed to babysit. Investigators say Plackowska walked into a bedroom where her son and the little girl were busy jumping on a bed. Plackowska allegedly told her son that he was about to go to heaven before ordering him and the little girl to get on their knees and pray. Following a short prayer, Plackowska produced a knife and stabbed her son more than 100 times as he pleaded for his life and told her that he loved her. Plackowska then turned to the 5-year-old girl who begged for her life. Plackowska allegedly stabbed the little girl more than 50 times. She later told police that she stabbed the little girl to death because the girl was a witness to a crime. Following the stabbings, Plackowska fled to a nearby church before making her way to a relative's home. The relative called police after Plackowska arrived at the home drenched in blood. During a police interview, Plackowska first told officers that a stalker had broken into her town home and stabbed the children to death. A short time later she changed her story and stated that she heard voices from the devil and killed the children to save their souls. Eventually, Plackowska told detectives that she stabbed the children because she was angry with her husband and wanted to hurt him the way he had hurt her. When investigators entered Plackowska's home, they found her deceased son laying on the floor and the deceased girl laying on a bed. Two dogs were also found dead near the childrens' bodies. Plackowska reportedly came to the United States from Poland 12 years ago and wanted to move back. Her husband was against the idea. Police were dispatched to the grisly scene after Plackowska's older son called 911. Plackowska's husband works as a truck driver and was reportedly out of town when the murders took place. Plackowska was booked into jail and charged with two counts of first-degree murder. Bail has been denied in the case, since she will probably wind up on death row.
Click on the picture for the large versionClick on the picture for the large version Dragon Falls, Venezuela
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Two timid Mexican smugglers Mexican Smugglers too timid Reported by The Smoking Gun A harebrained attempt by suspected smugglers to drive a Jeep Cherokee up and over a U.S.-Mexico border fence failed early Tuesday when the vehicle got stuck atop the 14-foot tall barrier. As seen above, the teetering SUV was spotted by U.S. Border Patrol agents after it had been driven up a makeshift ramp, but could not complete the trip’s final leg into Arizona. When agents approached the vehicle, two individuals on the fence's Mexican side fled. Investigators suspect that the Jeep likely contained narcotics, which were offloaded when the vehicle became stuck. Obviously the Jeep had been driven way too slow and did not jump over the kink, a basic challenge in off-road truck rodeos.
Click on the picture for the large versionClick on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Joshua Stuart, 24 and Gregory Lampert, 26 in Bartok, Florida Verizon Employee Stole Woman's Naked Photos Reported by The Smoking Gun Bartow cops say Joshua Stuart, 24, who works at a cellphone store took personal nude pics from a customer's phone while transferring her data to a new device. Stuart then shared the pics with a co-worker, Gregory Lampert, 26. The duo then showed the racy photos to a customer who recognized the woman even without any clothes on, and then contacted her. The woman went to the police, who confiscated their cell phones and a computer, and arrested one and put out an arrest warrant for the other. Some judge is going to throw the book at them.
Click on the picture for the large versionClick on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Lisa Wagnon, 48, in Salado, Texas Jailed for Having Sex With 15-Year-Old Student Lisa Wagnon Facebook Reported by The Weekly Vice Lisa Wagnon, a 48-year-old teacher at Salado Intermediate School was jailed Thursday after she allegedly had sex with a 15-year-old student. According to the Bell County Sheriff's Office, an investigation was launched last Monday after a student told school administrators that Wagnon was having a sexual relationship with a student. School administrators questioned the alleged beneficiary, who reportedly confirmed the relationship. Investigators say Wagnon picked up the student from school, drove him to her home and had sexual intercourse with him. Detectives also obtained information from the beneficiary's Facebook profile that further substantiate the allegations. Wagnon, who worked as an elementary school reading teacher, has since resigned her position with the district. Wagnon is reportedly married with two teenage children. Wagnon turned herself in to the Travis County Jail after an arrest warrant had been published and was charged with improper relationship between educator and student. Her bond has been set at $10,000. Picking a gossipy kid and yapping on Facebook finished her career.
Click on the picture for the large versionClick on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Briana Motley, 19, in Dallas, Texas Jailed After Dropping Infant On Head While Fleeing Store Security Reported by The Weekly Vice Briana Motley, a 19-year-old Texas woman was jailed after she dropped her baby daughter on her head while fleeing store security personnel who was attempting to stop her for shoplifting. According to police, security officers at a Macy's department store stopped Motley in the parking lot after she shoplifted several items and then left the store without paying the merchandise. Investigators say security officers watched Motley as she pushed a baby stroller around the store with a baby inside. Motley was also observed stuffing jeans, shirts, sweaters, leggings and other merchandise into the stroller before exiting the store. When security officers made contact with Motley, she responded by grabbing the baby and attempting to flee the scene. The escape attempt was short lived when Motley reportedly dropped the infant on her head. Paramedics called to the scene treated the baby for a lump on the forehead. Motley was booked into the Dallas County Jail and charged with theft and injury to a child.
Click on the picture for the large versionClick on the picture for the large version Peacock Decor Jaipur India
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Jayme Sanders, 33, in Williamston, S.C. PTO President jailed for screwing daughter's boyfriend for 5 months Reported by The Weekly Vice Jayme Sanders, a 33-year-old Parent Teacher Organization (PTO) president, has been jailed after she allegedly had sex repeatedly with a 14-year-old student. According to Williamston Police, an investigation began last month when the boy's mother reported the alleged relationship. Investigators say Sanders met the boy when he became friends with her teenage daughter. Some time in April of this year, Sanders reportedly began having sex with the boy. The alleged sexual relationship continued for 5 months. Police believe the sexual encounters took place at Sanders home and inside a portable classroom at Palmetto Middle School where Sanders is the PTO president. Sanders is also a former substitute teacher at West Pelzer Elementary School. Sanders was booked into jail and charged with criminal sexual conduct with a minor.
Click on the picture for the large versionClick on the picture for the large version Vermont Fall
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Rose Woolbright, 30, Bowling Green, Kentucky Rose Woolbright - Mother Jailed After Pimping Out Underage Daughter For Cash Reported by The Weekly Vice Rose Marie Woolbright, a 30-year-old Kentucky woman was jailed Thursday after she allegedly pimped out her 13-year-old daughter to two men in exchange for money. According to Warren County Prosecutors, Woolbright allegedly allowed two men to engage in sex acts with a 13-year-old girl in exchange for cash. Investigators say the two men, on one occasion, had a threesome with the girl and videotaped the encounter. The case marks the first time an arrest like this has been made in Warren County and is only the 13th such incident in the state of Kentucky. Woolbright was booked into jail and charged with human trafficking, unlawful transaction with a minor and second- degree sodomy. The two men involved in the alleged incidents were also arrested and charged. Chad Simmons, 37, was charged with two counts of sodomy and two counts of first-degree unlawful transaction with a minor. Pedro Diaz, 28, was charged with second-degree rape. The case will now be presented to a grand jury for indictment.
Click on the picture for the large versionClick on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Darien Caruso and James Hardy, 19, in Bradenton, Florida Idiots Get Lost While Fleeing Burglary, End Up Back At Crime Scene Reported by The Weekly Vice Darien Caruso and James Hardy, two 19-year-old Bradenton boneheads were jailed Sunday after they allegedly burglared a residence, got lost while fleeing, and unintentionally ended up back at the crime scene. According to the Manatee County Sheriff's Office, a witness called police after two men were seen burglaring a home and then fleeing the residence with several items. While officers were investigating the scene, the suspects arrived back at the crime scene in the vehicle they used to flee the scene with. When officers stopped the car and searched it, they found several items that belonged to the victims laying in plain view. When police questioned them, they admitted that they had burglared the residence, but had become lost while trying to find a way out of the neighborhood. Caruso and Hardy were booked into the Manatee County Jail and charged with armed burglary.
Click on the picture for the large versionClick on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Amanda Barker, 32, Mannington, W. Va. Cheerleading Coach - Charged With Having Sex With 16-Year-Old Student Reported by The Weekly Vice Amanda Barker, a 32-year-old cheerleading coach at North Marion High School has been jailed after she allegedly had sex with a 16-year-old student. According to police, an investigation was launched after a student reported the alleged sexual assault to the school's assistant principal. Investigators say school administrators questioned the boy about the allegations which the boy denied initially. The student then admitted to having sex with Barker on three occasions at her home in Mannington. He went on to say that he spent a lot of time with Barker at her home because she was a friend of the family and her husband, Josh Barker, had coached him in soccer. The boy went on to say that Barker performed oral sex on him during each encounter on the couch in her living room. Barker's husband was reportedly asleep in a bedroom when the alleged sex occurred. When investigators questioned Barker, she initially denied the charges but later admitted to them, according to an arrest affidavit. Barker was booked into jail and charged with three counts of child sexual abuse by a person in a position of trust. She was released after posting a $15,000 bond.
Click on the picture for the large versionClick on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Heather Atkins, 26, in Columbia, SC Charged With Crying Rape After Woman Catches Her Naked In Shower With Her Boyfriend Reported by The Weekly Vice Heather Atkins, a 26-year-old Columbia woman was jailed after she falsely claimed that she had been raped, when actually she was caught in the shower with another woman's boyfriend. According to the Columbia Police Department, Atkins told detectives she received a black eye during a sexual assault on Friday. Investigators say Atkins told them that she was punched in the face and then dragged to a secluded area by two black men who proceeded to rape and then rob her. "After three days of investigating this case, investigators discovered that this whole story was a lie," according to Columbia Police Chief, Randy Scott. "She lied to the Columbia Police Department, she lied to her family, she lied to the public and she broke the trust of the people around her." Investigators say Atkins had actually gone to the home of a male co-worker and received her black eye when the man's girlfriend caught the two naked in the shower and punched her in the face. Atkins was booked into jail and charged with filing a false police report. She was released after posting a $20,000 bond.
Click on the picture for the large versionClick on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Reanna Douglas, 21, Lake Orion, Mich. Coach - Charged With Having Sex With 15-Year-Old Girl Reported by The Weekly Vice Reanna Douglas a 21-year-old girl's lacrosse coach at Lake Orion High School has been jailed after she allegedly had a sexual relationship with a 15-year-old female student. According to the Douglas County Sheriff's Office, an investigation was launched in August after the parents of a 15-year-old girl contacted authorities about an alleged sexual relationship that developed between Douglas and their daughter. Investigators say Douglas and the girl had an inappropriate relationship that began after Douglas was contracted by the school district to coach their girl's lacrosse team. The school district terminated Douglas's contract shortly after the allegations surfaced. Douglas was booked into jail and charged with third-degree criminal sexual conduct. Bond in her case has been set at $15,000.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:David Lee, 44, Jacksonville, Florida Jailed After Stealing Plastic Flowers From Grave Site, That He Planned To Give To His Girlfriend Reported by The Weekly Vice David Lee, a 44-year-old Jacksonville man was jailed Sunday after he allegedly stole flowers from a grave site that he planned to give to his girlfriend. According to the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office, a deputy stopped Lee shortly after 6:00 p.m. as he was walking out of the Evergreen Cemetery. He was carrying three plastic flower bouquets, with fresh soil falling from the bottom of them. He also appeared to be intoxicated. Investigators say when the officer asked Lee where he got the fake flowers, he admitted that they were planted next to a tombstone, but he dug them up. He told the officer that he was planning on giving the flowers to his alleged girlfriend, and that he did not know the deceased person from which he stole the flowers. Lee was booked into the Duval County Jail and charged with a felony count of injuring or removing plants from a gravestone, monument, or tomb.
Click on the picture for the large versionClick on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:James K. Lowery, 60, Jacksonville, Florida Receives Street Justice From Girl's Father After he Is Caught Peeping On Girl Reported by The Weekly Vice James K. Lowery, a 60-year-old Jacksonville man was jailed Sunday after he allegedly peeped through his neighbor's window and stared at their 15-year-old daughter. The father confronted Lowery and tenderized him until police arrived at the scene. According to the Duval County Sheriff's Office, the 15-year old girl called 911 to report that her father was restraining a man that was caught peeping at her through their living room window. The victims told police that someone had been on their property peeping around their windows on several occasions recently. The father found evidence that someone had tampered with the home's window trim and screens. When detectives asked Lowery what he was doing at the residence, he had no explanation, but admitted going there on his own will, even after consuming an entire bottle of wine. Property records show Lowery lives near the victims. He is employed as the chief engineer for channel 4 in Jacksonville. Lowery was booked into the Duval County Jail and charged with trespassing with intent to commit an offense, public intoxication, and resisting an officer without violence.
Click on the picture for the large versionClick on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Sheila Eubank, 48, in San Antonio, Texas Woman Admits To Making Up Kidnapping Story To Get A Day Off Work Reported by The Weekly Vice Sheila Eubank, a 48-year-old San Antonio woman was jailed Wednesday after she pretended to have been kidnapped to get a day off from work and a little attention. According to San Antonio police, on October 10th, an officer reportedly found Eubanks laying motionless in her vehicle, bound with a rope. Eubanks allegedly told the officer that she had been kidnapped by an anonymous knife-wielding man, who jumped into her car and forced her to drive to an ATM machine to withdraw her money. The man then forced her to drive him around for 12 hours while he conducted alleged drug deals. Investigators say detectives found inconsistencies with Eubank's story, especially when they found a lottery ticket in her purse that had been purchased at around the same time she was being held by a kidnapper, according to her story. Detectives checked surveillance video from the store that sold the lottery ticket and saw Eubanks purchasing a lottery ticket by herself. She was seen in the video being polite and calm. She did not appear to be distressed or anxious, according to police. Confronted with the evidence police had, Eubanks admitted to making up the entire kidnapping story. She stated that she made up the story in order to get a day off work and a little attention. Eubank was booked into the Bexar County Jail and charged with aggravated perjury. Her bond was set at $10,000.
Click on the picture for the large versionClick on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Katie Hightower, 26, Pawnee County, OK Charged With Having Sex With Student After Football Scrimmage Reported by The Weekly Vice Katie Hightower, a 26-year-old teacher at Prue High School was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly had sex with a student. According to the Pawnee County Sheriff's Office, an investigation was launched after Hightower allegedly purchased beer for a group of students - then disappeared into a bedroom to have sexual intercourse with one of the students. Investigators say the incident began on August 16 when Hightower accompanied a group of high school students to and from a football scrimmage - sitting next to a 16-year-old male student during the trip. After the scrimmage, Hightower and three students went to Keystone Lake for about an hour. During the lake visit, two of the students saw Hightower lay her head in the student's lap and refer to him as "babe." Hightower then allegedly purchased beer for the students and then invited them to her home in Terlton. The students told deputies that they drank the beer at Hightower's house, but decided to leave when Hightower and the boy disappeared into a bedroom. The students then left when it became obvious that Hightower and the boy were having sexual intercourse. Although Hightower allegedly coached the two students not to talk about the incident, the students reported what they heard and saw to school officials. Investigators searched Hightower's phone and discovered hundreds of text messages that she exchanged with the student during a four week period. Hightower denied knowing that the student was at the lake or her house. The student denied being at Hightower's house. Both Hightower and the student denied having sexual intercourse. Hightower was booked into jail and charged with second-degree rape and furnishing alcohol to a person under 21.
Click on the picture for the large versionClick on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Dawn Peel, 50, in St. Paul, MN Kissed Her Boyfriend On The Forehead, Then Tried To Saw His Head Off St. Paul, MN (The Weekly Vice) - Dawn Peel, a Reported by The Weekly Vice Dawn Peel, a 50-year-old Minnesota bonehead was jailed Monday after she allegedly gave her boyfriend a kiss, asked him if he loved her, then attempted to saw through his neck with a knife. According to police, officers were dispatched at 1:45 a.m. after the victim called 911 to report that he had been attacked by his girlfriend. The man had fled from his residence after his girlfriend used a knife to "cut at his neck like she was slaughtering a goat or a cow," according to the arrest report. The man told investigators that he was asleep on the couch when he awoke to find Peel kneeling over him. She then allegedly asked him if he loved her. When he answered "yes" she then kissed him on the forehead and said "this is the last time you'll see my eyes." That's when Peel allegedly put a knife to the victim's neck and began sawing back and forth in a vigorous manner. Investigators say the man was able to escape the slaughter, however he was bleeding heavily from the neck when police arrived on the scene. The man was taken to a local hospital where he received 23 staples in his neck to stop the bleeding. When officers arrived at the his house to question Peel, she answered the door completely naked. When officers asked how much alcohol she had been drinking, Peel answered "not enough." She was booked into the Ramsey County Jail and charged with attempted murder. Her bail has been set at $75,000.
Click on the picture for the large versionClick on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Kendall Remsing, 35, in New Llano, La. Charged With Incest After He Was Shot In Face By 15-Year-Old Stepdaughter Reported by The Weekly Vice Kendall Remsing, a 35-year-old Louisiana bonehead was jailed Wednesday on incest charges after he was shot in the face by his 15-year-old-step daughter. According to the Vernon Parish Sheriff's Office, an investigation was launched in late May after police received a 911 call stating that a 15-year-old girl had shot her stepfather in the face. Deputies who arrived on the scene took the girl into custody and charged her with attempted second-degree murder. Remsing was transported to Byrd Regional Hospital where he was stabilized and then flown to Rapides Regional Medical Center where he remains in stable, but critical condition. (Mug shot is from a previous arrest) During the investigation, however, Remsing was now been accused of molesting a juvenile family member. Additional evidence was gathered that corroborated the allegation, according to detectives. Remsing has been charged with aggravated incest and molestation of a juvenile. His bond has been set at $100,000.
Click on the picture for the large versionClick on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Jennifer Wilcox, 36, Middletown, CT Charged With DUI After Drinking lots of Hand Sanitizer Reported by The Weekly Vice Jennifer Wilcox, a 36-year-old Connecticut woman was jailed for drunk driving Monday after she allegedly drank half a bottle of hand sanitizer. According to police, an officer had just pulled over another vehicle for a traffic infraction when a vehicle that was driven by Wilcox drove past the officer at a high rate of speed and ultimately lost control of her vehicle. The officer approached Wilcox and detected a strong odor of alcohol coming from her person. After failing a field sobriety test, Wilcox reportedly admitted to consuming half of a large bottle of hand sanitizer prior to getting behind the wheel. A typical bottle of hand sanitizer contains about 60% ethyl alcohol (or 120 proof). Drinking half of a large bottle of hand sanitizer would be equivalent to drinking 16 shots of vodka, according to experts. Poison control centers across the country are reporting a spike in the number of cases that involve teens who drink sanitizer as a means to achieve a stolen buzz. Mouthwash was abused in a similar manner until companies that manufactured the product lowered the alcohol content to discourage the practice. A blood alcohol test later revealed that Wilcox was intoxicated at more than twice the legal limit for operating a motor vehicle. Wilcox was booked into jail and charged with DUI. She was released after posting a $500 bond.
Click on the picture for the large versionClick on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Brenda Crosdale, 49, Vero Beach, Florida Woman Locked Out Of Car Called 911, Claimed Infant Was Trapped Inside To Get Quicker Response Reported by The Smoking Gun Locked out of her car earlier this month, Brenda Crosdale, 49, called 911 and claimed that an infant was trapped in the vehicle. But when a sheriff’s deputy responded to a “priority one lockout” at Crosdale’s Florida home at around 9 AM on October 6, he “saw no child” inside vehicles parked in the driveway. When Deputy Michael Cavanaugh asked a male on scene about the whereabouts of the infant, the man replied, “Brenda only said that to get you guys here quicker. The deputy then questioned Crosdale inside her Vero Beach home, and “she stated she only said a child was inside her vehicle to get the vehicle open quicker,” according to an Indian River County Sheriff's Office report. Crosdale, a nurse, was then arrested for misuse of the 911 system. Pictured in the above mug shot, Crosdale was briefly booked into jail, where she was released after posting $500 bond on the misdemeanor count. The report did not say whether the deputy busted open the childless car, or made her call a locksmith.
Click on the picture for the large versionClick on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Ashley Stewart, 24, Streetsboro, OH Charged With DUI After Speeding Down Wrong Side Of Highway Reported by The Weekly Vice Ashley Stewart, a 24-year-old Ohio woman was charged with drunk driving Saturday after she was caught speeding the wrong direction down a freeway at 3:17 in the morning. According to Streetsboro police, officers were dispatched after receiving a report that a vehicle was traveling eastbound on the westbound side of I-480. Investigators say officers activated lights and sirens after catching up to Stewart's vehicle as it continued down the wrong side of the highway. Stewart allegedly ignored officers' attempts to stop her as the chase reached speeds of up to 80 miles per hour. The chase was finally brought to an end on State Route 41 near Shady Lake Drive when an officer pulled in front of Stewart's vehicle and forced her to stop. Stewart then refused to submit to a breathalyzer test at the scene. She was booked into jail and charged with failure to comply with the signal of a police officer and operating a vehicle while intoxicated.
Click on the picture for the large versionClick on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Nicole Boover, 19, New Orleans, Louisiana Nathan Yuhas, 18, New Orleans, Louisiana She Wanted Her $500,000 Inheritance Now Attempts To Shoot Mother Dead Reported by The Weekly Vice Louisiana State University students Nicole Boover, 19, and Nathan Yuhas, 18, were jailed Monday after Boover allegedly agreed to pay Yuhas $50,000 to assist her in murdering her own mother. Boover, police say, was after a $500,000 inheritance which she planned to receive from her mother's death. According to New Orleans police, Boover planned to shoot her mother and then profit from her mother's death. She offered to give Yuhas a $50,000 cut of her inheritance if he would help with the murder plot. Boover and Yuhas purchased gloves, duct tape, and a "Scream" styled Halloween mask in preparation for the shooting. Investigators say Boover knocked on her mother's apartment door at around 4:30 a.m. and smiled innocently through the door's peep hole. When Boover's mother opened the door, she saw Boover pointing a gun at her. Mrs. Boover slammed the door shut as Boover fired three shots into the door. Boover fled the scene with Yuhas and drove back to the LSU campus. Boover's step-father called police and reported the incident. Officers found Boover's car on the LSU campus, with Yuhas sitting inside of it. Boover was found in her dorm room. Both suspects were apprehended. Boover was booked into the New Orleans Parish Prison and charged with attempted first-degree murder. She is currently being held in lieu of a $500,000 bond. She was unable to afford a lawyer, and was assigned a public defender. Yuhas was booked into the New Orleans Parish Prison and charged with being a principal to attempted first-degree murder. He was released after posting $100,000 bond.
Click on the picture for the large versionClick on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Betsian Penaloza, 34, in San Juan, Puerto Rico Fatty The Maneater - Charged With Pimping Out Teen Daughter For $500 Reported in The Weekly Vice Betsian Penaloza, a 34-year-old Puerto Rico woman has been jailed after she allegedly pimped out her 14-year-old daughter for $500. According to federal authorities, Penaloza offered to sell her own 14-year-old daughter and two other underage girls to an undercover federal agent during a human trafficking investigation in Puerto Rico. Investigators say Penaloza brought her daughter and two other girls to the Sheraton Hotel at the San Juan Convention Center for the planned sexual encounter. Penaloza allegedly demanded $500 for sex with her daughter and $250 for each of the other two girls. Penaloza, who goes by the nickname "Fatty the Maneater," is also accused of prostituting other young girls and may face additional charges as the investigation continues. A list of charges was not immediately available. Penaloza remains in jail pending her initial hearing.
Click on the picture for the large versionClick on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Erica Hess, 24, in Daytona Beach, Florida Jailed After Toddler Daughter Found Walking On Roof Of Two Story Home Daytona Beach, Fla. Reported in The Weekly Vice Erica Hess, a 24-year-old Florida woman was jailed Tuesday after her toddler daughter was found walking on the roof of her two-story home. According to the Volusia County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched at around 10 a.m. after a witness called to report that a toddler was walking on the roof of a neighbor's home. Deputies arrived to find a dog on the roof and Hess's 2-year-old daughter standing on an adjacent deck dressed only in underwear. The deputy reportedly watched as the toddler tried to crawl back onto the roof through a barrier that surrounded the deck. The deputy made several verbal attempts to alert the homeowner of the impending danger while staying within sight of the child. Erica Hess reportedly came out onto the deck about 15 minutes later to remove the child. Hess told the deputy that she was unaware that her daughter had climbed onto the roof. She claimed to have had an unobstructed view of the child at all times, but later admitted to losing track of the child while using the bathroom. Hess was booked into the Volusia County Jail and charged with one count of child neglect. She has one previous arrest in Volusia County for driving on a suspended or cancelled license.
Click on the picture for the large versionClick on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Raymond Garcia, 45, Roswell, New Mexico Jailed After Getting Into Brawl With Stop Sign, Fighting Officers Reported in The Weekly Vice Raymond Garcia, a 45-year-old Roswell man was jailed Friday after he allegedly got into a fight with a stop sign, then attacked police officers who had been dispatched to break up the altercation. According to Roswell Police, officers dispatched to Main Street and West Deming at around 2:30 a.m. after a witness called 911 to report that a man was engaged in a fight with a stop sign, When officers arrived on the scene, Garcia became argumentative and attempted to flee. Two officers shot Garcia with Taser darts, however Garcia kicked and fought officers as they attempted to apprehend him. Officers attempted to use a Taser on Garcia a second time, however, he pulled the darts out and continued to resist. One officer attempted to use a baton to subdue him, however, Garcia reportedly grabbed the baton and swung it at officers. When officers tried to use pepper spray on Garcia, he wiped his face and ran away - throwing the baton at officers as he fled. Eventually, Garcia was tackled and subdued by three officers. Investigators believe that Garcia had used drugs prior to the incident, however, none were found on his person. The stop sign was not seriously injured in the attack. He was booked into the Chaves County Detention Center and charged with aggravated assault against a peace officer, disarming, and resisting arrest.
Click on the picture for the large versionSolar Sneeze High Def Movie
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Keegan Curry, 25, in St. Petersburg, Florida Struck By Car While Fleeing From Loss-Prevention Officer Reported in The Weekly Vice Keegan Curry, a 25-year-old St. Petersburg man was hospitalized after he allegedly shoplifted from a local J.C. Penny retail store before he was struck by a car while fleeing the scene. According to St. Petersburg police, Curry was stopped by a loss-prevention officer after he attempted to leave a J.C. Penny retail store without paying for items he had concealed inside his pants. Curry pushed past the officer and stated "I'm not going back to prison" as he attempted to flee the scene. Investigators say the officer and a bystander chased Curry as he ran onto the northbound lane of a busy road and was struck by a 2005 Chrysler minivan. As rescue crews attempted to treat Curry's injuries, they removed two shirts from his pants that he had stolen from the store. Curry was taken to Bayfront Medical Center where he received treatment for severe injuries. The driver and front passenger inside the minivan were not seriously injured. Curry will be hauled to jail when he is discharged from the hospital.
Click on the picture for the large versionClick on the picture for the large version Solar Sneeze. Note the size of the earth! Earth is not really at that location, just shown for size comparison. The mass of the sneeze is tens of thousands of times the mass of earth. Movie of the sneeze You may have to visit the on-line version of the Humor Letter to see it.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Cesar Alcivar, 40, in Clearwater, FL Jailed for Impregnating 12-Year-Old Girl after Sexually Molesting Her For More Than A year Reported in The Weekly Vice Cesar Alcivar, a 40-year-old Florida man has been jailed after he allegedly impregnated a 12-year-old girl after repeatedly molesting her for more than a year. According to Clearwater police, an investigation was launched after a 12-year-old girl was brought to the emergency room complaining of stomach pain, but was found to be pregnant instead. Investigators say the girl's mother brought he girl to a Clearwater area hospital after she complained of chronic stomach pain. Doctors performed tests, however, that revealed she was pregnant. The investigation that followed revealed that the girl had endured more than a year of sexual abuse beginning when she was just 11 years old. The victim identified the suspect as 39-year-old Cesar Alcivar. Alcivar was booked into the Pinellas County Jail and charged with capital sexual battery. Bond has not yet been set in the case.
Click on the picture for the large version
Recognize
a spoof
Web
Tools
Babelfish
Translator
HungerSite
BreastCancer
Site
Calendar
