Remove RightMedia malware 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, January 15, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

There are plenty of good five-cent cigars in the country. The trouble is they cost a quarter. What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel. --- Franklin P. Adams The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives. --- Anthony Robbins:
Thanks to Roland for this story: Doctor Bloom who was known for miraculous cures for arthritis had waiting room full of people when a little old lady, completely bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her turn came, she went into the doctor's office, and, amazingly, emerged within half an hour walking completely erect with her head held high. A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this walked up to the little old lady and said, "It's a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?" She answered, "Miracle, shmiracle, he gave me a longer cane."
At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately she began flattering him outrageously. The guy liked the young lady, but was taken a bit aback by her fast and ardent pitch. He was amazed when after 30 minutes she seriously proposed marriage. "Look," he said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other." "You're wrong," she smiled. "For the past 5 years I've been working in the back of the bank where you have your account. I know all I need to know about you."
Thanks to my dad for this picture. He DOES set a nice breakfast table. Too bad none of the ladies can keep up with him!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Carolyn Paulsen-Riat, 33 of Olympia, Washington Support mailbox over quota OLYMPIA, Wash. — Court papers allege that an Olympia woman, angry that her husband left her, tampered with his power tools so that he received a powerful electric shock. Carolyn Paulsen-Riat was booked Friday into the Thurston County Jail for investigation of third-degree assault, domestic violence, and second-degree malicious mischief. A judge released the 33-year-old woman on her own recognizance. The Olympian newspaper reported that court documents said that on Jan. 1, the man was using a 220-volt table saw when he received the shock, knocking him to the ground. Thurston County sheriff's deputies said the man did not need to go to a hospital. In the documents, deputies said the woman told them she had reversed the wires on his power tools because she was angry he was leaving. The husband told detectives that Paulsen-Riat also had destroyed his vintage Da Vinci accordion, valued at about $5,000, and an antique tool chest valued at about $3,000. A deputy seized Paulsen-Riat’s 9 mm semi-automatic pistol while investigators were at the residence. In most places tampering with the wiring like that is considered attempted first degree murder.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: Infected by Rightmedia Hello Webby, After running Spybot today it said there is trouble with Right Media. What is that? I clicked fix troubles but wondered if Right Media is something serious. I enjoy your newsletter and appreciate all your help. Thanks, Carolyn Dear Carolyn Rightmedia is indeed a very wicked trojan. Usually Spyware-Search&Destroy can get rid of it. You may have to update it beforehand. If it doesn't get rid of it, try Super Anti-Spyware or Malwarebytes’ Anti-Malware. Have FUN! DearWebby
Being able to turn your grandchildren into spoiled brats is God's reward for not killing your children.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bargain Plants at Garden Centers Have a green thumb and a tight budget? I have found that if I go to garden centers in the big box home improvement stores on the day after their vendors go through the plants, I can find some real bargains. I have bought some puny plants that were in planters which cost more than the plant was reduced to! Generally all the plants need is a little water and some TLC. I bring them home, put them in a shady spot, and keep them well-watered for several days before planting them out. The stores usually have them on rolling carts toward the back of the garden section. If you don't see them, ask someone. The folks in the garden center are happy to show you to help get them out of there. Don't be afraid to ask if they will reduce something that is less than vibrant. A little clipping, plant fertilizer and watering can revive most annuals which are droopy. I have been doing this for several years and have lost very few plants. At the price I got them for, that didn't amount to much money. By Sandy from Elon, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A first-grade girl came home from school. She was very happy, and her Mom noticed this. Mom asked, "What makes you so happy today?" The girl said, "Mom, we learned how to make babies in school today!" Thinking that first grade was a bit early for that, she asked her daughter to tell her how. "It's easy, Mom -- you just drop the 'y', and add 'i-e-s', " the daughter said.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go into a restaurant in London. The waiter says, "Excuse me, but if you wanted the steak you might not get one as there is a shortage." The Texan said, "What's a shortage?" The Russian said, "What's a steak?" The New Yorker said, "What the @#$%& is excuse me?"

» Reynold's Wild West
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Gmail Filters 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, January 14, 2010


A painting in a museum hears more ridiculous opinions than anything else in the world. --- Edmond de Goncourt To see what is in front of one's nose needs a constant struggle. --- George Orwell
Miss Prissy was going over Melvin's records with his anxious parents. On one page was the statement, "Melvin used fowl language today." Mr. Messpot, hoping to put the teacher in a bad light, snickered, "Ha! You spelled foul wrong." Miss Prussy corrected, "No, I meant F-O-W-L. Your precious child called me a 'dumb cluck' ."
Son: Why is Father singing to the baby so much tonight? Mother: He is trying to sing her asleep. Son: Well, If I were her, I'd pretend I was asleep.
Thanks to Lillemor for this pictrue from Finland Sure reminds me of the Yukon, but doesn't really make me homesick.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sympatico.ca and BELL Support mailbox over quota This Message was undeliverable due to the following reason: The user(s) account is temporarily over quota. support@sympatico.ca Reporting-MTA: dns; tomts21.bellnexxia.net Arrival-Date: Wed, 13 Jan 2010 16:38:02 -0500 Received-From-MTA: dns; toip29.srvr.bell.ca (67.69.240.31) Original-Recipient: RFC822; support@sympatico.ca Final-Recipient: RFC822; support@sympatico.ca Sympatico has never been praised for reliability, but it must be pretty bad these days, if even their support mailbox is over quota. Those boneheads need support desperately!
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Marlene Re: Your letter is blocked i have subscribed on hotmail, gmail both and your letter is blocked most of the time so now i keep a link on the desktop and just read from the web everyday. so glad you mentioned the voting favorites recently, i thought i could only vote for one, so was voting every other day between you and ophelia. now you both get voted for. -- Marlene Dear Marlene With Gmail you can make a filter. Click on Settings Make Filter In the filter, you can use the FROM field and put in humor@webby.com or the SUBJECT field. The subject line always starts with Humor: and has since 1994, to make it easy to automatically filter it into a humor mailbox. In the early days, spam was not a problem, but neat sorting was high on people's priority list. For the Action select "Never send it to spam" A lot of people use Gmail for filtering their mail. It does an excellent job on that, and keeps a searchable archive of the spam. Just make sure the spam doesn't get you over the 73 GB limit. Otherwise ALL mail stops. Set Gmail to forward the (filtered) mail to a new ISP based address, and tell your ISP to exclude it from any and all filtering. Have FUN! DearWebby
I asked Mom if I was a gifted child... She told me that they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Sewing Patterns in Ziplock Bags I do a lot of sewing, using the same patterns over and over. After a while, I've lost pieces, which drives me nuts! I finally figured how to solve the problem. After I cut a pattern apart, I put it in a ziploc bag, with it's envelope. I don't have to worry about pieces slipping out if it's turned upside down, and it's easy to store. Won't get torn or wet. By crafty nanny from Hartwick, NY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
A fellow who's just reached his 150th birthday was giving a press conference to the assembled media. "Excuse me, sir," one of the reporters said, "but how did you come to live to 150? "It's actually quite simple," the old fellow replied. "I just never argue." "That's impossible," the reporter responded. "There must be something else, like diet, or meditation, or something. Just not arguing won't keep you alive for 150 years!" The old fellow shrugged his shoulders and said: "Hmmm, could be you're right."

» Snow Deep
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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How to re-install Windows 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, January 13, 2010


Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught. --- Sir Winston Churchill Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. --- Albert Schweitzer
Thanks to Scooter for this: My wife asked me what I was doing today, I told her "nothing". She told me that’s what you did yesterday. I told her, I’m not finished yet.
German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nation-wide telephone network. Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig too. 100 meters down, they found small pieces of glass and they soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fiber network. Scottish scientists were outraged. They dug 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing. So they concluded that the bulge in the kilts of the ancient Scotts 55,000 years ago, must have been cellphones.

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Escobar, 40, Vasquez, 29, Ramos, 25 and Machados-Chicas, 34.of Conroe, Texas. 4 men arrested in botched Conroe jewelry store burglary Police captured a band of burglars who made several mistakes when they broke into a Conroe jewelry store Monday morning, officials said. The lookout man failed to disable the alarm system at Camillo's Fine Jewelry, 2107 W. Davis. The suspected getaway driver was found sleeping in his car, Conroe police said. The alarm company notified Conroe police about 2 a.m. about the break-in. Officers converged on the store, covering the front and back of the building. As the officers were checking the back of the building, two men suddenly ran out the front door. They were arrested about 100 yards away. A man believed to be the lookout also was captured, authorities said. Conroe police said the burglars cut a hole through the roof to gain entry the store but tripped the still-operating alarm system. The getaway driver was asleep in a 1998 Chevrolet Lumina less than a mile away from the store when police arrived. Evidence was found linking him to the break-in, authorities said. Conroe police identified the suspects as Alberto Carlos Escobar, 40; William Renee Vasquez, 29 ; Christian Javier Ramos, 25, and Santos Orlando Machados-Chicas, 34. They have been charged with burglary of a building and engaging in organized criminal activity.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Joanne Re: Can't re-install Windows Dear Webby, I have been a fan of yours for years and have used a lot of the advice you have given. Now I have a problem I hope you can help me with. My computer is so slow, takes about 15 or 20 minutes just to get it up and running. I was told to reboot it. I tried to put the original CD's in but it would not work. Then someone told me I had to dump it all first, but wasn't told how. Can you help me. I am to the point I don't want to even use it as it is just too slow. Thanks for any help you can give me. Joanne Dear Joanne First, back up your addresses, bookmarks, pictures and music, either onto CDs, DVDs or onto the net. Don't bother backing up programs. You have to re-install them anyway, but make sure you print the registration numbers for every program that you paid for! To format and re-install Windows you first have to tell it to consider the CD drive as the first choice of boot devices. To do that you need to get into the BIOS Set-up. When you turn it on, you first see a black screen with just the message which Function key to press to get into the setup. It shows that for only a second or so. The Support at your computer maker can also tell you. In the BIOS set the first boot device to the CD, then put the Windows Set-Up CD into the drive, and do a full power-off reboot. Once you have done that and boot up with the Windows Set-Up CD, it will ask you if you REALLY want to permanently dump the mess on the hard drive. When you tell it to go ahead, it does that. Permanently. You can't undo that if you remember later, that you forgot to back up your half finished tax return. After formatting, it will install Windows and your computer will again be just as fast as on the day you bought it. Have FUN! DearWebby
A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. When he finally gets home, he starts tiptoeing up the stairs. Halfway up the stairs, he falls over backwards. An empty pint bottle in his back pocket broke, and carved up his buttocks. A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror and noticed the injury. He repaired the damage as well as he could under the circumstances and went to bed. The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom. "Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?" "I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers." "A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered !" "What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?" he asked. "Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of Band-Aids stuck to the mirror."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Your Raises I recently got my annual raise and have been putting it into savings. If i don't use it, it's like I never got it! A friend of mine read somewhere (not sure where) that a person has been living on the same salary for 10 years by doing this! So yes, it can be done! By Donna from Northlake, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The other night I was waiting for a date getting ready to go out. She sat there and put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes, mascara, toner, blush and lipstick and all kinds of stuff I don't even know the names of, then turned to me and said, "Does this look natural?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
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During a phone conversation, my niece mentioned that she was taking a psychology course at university. "Oh, great," I said, "Now you'll be analyzing everyone in the family." "No, no," she replied. "I don't take abnormal psychology until next semester."

» Edgar Mueller
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Stop Taskbar from hiding under open windows 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, January 12, 2010


The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking. --- John Kenneth Galbraith The great tragedy of Science - the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact. --- Thomas H. Huxley (Facts didn't stop Al Gore and the Algorian Sheep!)
An old Jewish woman has been invited to help screen a movie for the rating it willl carry. The movie is a remake of a Roman Gladiator-type movie. In the middle of the movie is a scene where the Romans are feeding people to the lions. The little old lady hits the buzzer she's been given, which stops the movie. The attendant comes down to her chair and says, "Yes, ma'am?" "This movie should be rated 'R'," she says, "because those Jews are being fed to the lions!" The attendant says, "Ma'am, those are Christians, not Jews." "Oh..... Ok. Well, start the movie up again." A few minutes later she again presses the buzzer. The attendant comes down to her chair. "Yes ma'am?" She points to the screen. "Those lions over there... they're not eating!"
A painter, whitewashing the inner walls of a country outhouse, had the misfortune to fall through the opening and land in the muck at the bottom. He shouted, "Fire! Fire! Fire!" at the top of his lungs. The local fire department responded with alacrity, sirens blaring as they approached the privy. "Where's the fire?" called the chief. "No fire," replied the painter as they pulled him out of the hole. "But if I had yelled about what is down here, would you have rescued me?"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Richard Anthony Flores, 25, of Chandler, AZ One man Bozo Parade A Chandler man suspected of standing through his open sunroof while speeding on Valley freeways has turned himself in. Arizona Department of Public Safety officers arrested 25-year-old Richard Anthony Flores on suspicion of reckless driving and criminal speed. Flores was involved in three incidents on Valley freeways. During the first incident on Nov. 6, Flores reportedly reached 90 mph in a 65 mph zone on the San Tan portion of the Loop 202 near Lindsay Road. In the other two incidents, Flores was captured on camera driving his Volkswagen Passat while standing through his sunroof. Those incidents occurred minutes apart on Nov. 11 on westbound U.S. 60 near Mesa Drive, then Alma School Road. Flores reached speeds of just under 80 mph, according to DPS. is car insurance is expected to be higher than his car payments for a long, long time.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Deeli Re: Taskbar is hiding Dear Webby, Had to reformat so lots of things are working differently now :-( I'll adjust ;-) The one thing that's driving me crazy though is that when I open email or Google they are completely full screen and not on top of the task bar anymore (hiding the task bar) :-( Is there any way to fix that or am I just stuck with it ??? It's a pain in the butt to have to minimize when several things are open and having to move them around to find what I am looking for instead of being able to directly minimize to the task bar :-( Deeli Dear Deeli Click Start Click Settings and then Taskbar and Start Menu Once in the Taskbar and Start Menu Properties window check the Auto-hide the taskbar option if you wish to enable this feature or uncheck this option to disable it. Depending on your version it might be worded differently, but meaning the same. Like most things, this works easier and more predictably in Classic mode than in Yuppie mode. Have FUN! DearWebby
Joe sets Jim up to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Jim is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before. "What do I do if she's ugly and scary?" says Jim, "I'll be stuck with her all night." "Don't worry," Joe says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout 'Aaaaaauuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma attack." So that night, Jim knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts: ..."Aaaaaauuuggghhh!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Small Jars Organized in a Plastic Basket I live alone and have a pretty small refrigerator. I bought a little plastic basket from the dollar store and put all my jams, jellies, etc. in it on the bottom shelf of my refrigerator. It makes it a lot easier to find smaller items, just pull out the basket and it's all there. It's just something I thought up while cleaning out my refrigerator one day and found jars here, there and everywhere. By Barbara from Evington, VA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Marietta phones up her husband at work for a chat. HIM "I'm sorry dear but I'm up to my neck in work today." HER "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear." HIM "OK darling, but as I've got no time now, just give me the good news." HER "Well, the air bag works."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
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One day a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you good?", they ask. It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."

» Windchill Factors
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how to uninstall Personal Security? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, January 11, 2010


The Wizard of Oz is 70 years old. Today, if Dorothy were to encounter Men with no brains, no hearts, and no courage, She wouldn't be in Oz. She'd be in Congress. --- David A. Sonntag
(When you re-tell this joke, you'll have to replace Kentucky and Tennesee with the names of states in your area.) On the border of Kentucky and Tennessee there's a small forest. Half of the forest belongs to a Kentucky farmer, while the other half belongs to a Tennessee man. One day, while out for a walk in the woods, the Tennessee man comes across a wolf caught in a trap. He rushes back to his house and calls his Kentucky neighbor. "There's one of your wolves caught in a trap on my side of the forest." "How do you know it's one of *our* wolves?" the Kentucky farmer asked. "Well," the Tennessee man replied, "he's already chewed off three of his legs and he's still trapped."
Sam made an appointment with a urologist, famous for his work in the field of impotence. The doctor examined him and said, "You're in remarkably good condition for a man of 85. Why are you here?" Sam replied, "My friend Max says he has sex twice a week. I can't do that." The doctor shrugged. "Yes you can. You can certainly SAY you have sex as many times a week as you like."
A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said: "I don't like the looks of your wife at all." "Me either doc." said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids."
Thanks to dad for this picture: What is THAT?
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Steven Alan Locasio, 48, and Christine Locasio, 50, in Marathon, Florida Cops plant ransom note for pot plants A marijuana grower thought his small crop was being held for ransom after a suspicious note was left in place of his plants, the Monroe County Sheriff's Office said. "Thanks for the grow! You want them back? Call for the price … we'll talk," read the note left in place of the stash that was growing on a lot near his apartment. Unfortunately for Steven Alan Locasio, 48, the ransom note was written by detectives, who arrested Locasio when he showed up with $200 in exchange for the safe return of the pot plants. According to the Sheriff's Office, a resident called to report that the plants were growing in a wooded lot off of Coco Plum Drive in Marathon. Police found six plants, took them for evidence and left behind the note. Locasio called the number to arrange the exchange. He handed detectives the cash and they arrested him, the Sheriff's Office said. A search of his apartment turned up 20 more marijuana plants, several Oxycontin pills and $1,380 in cash. Locasio and his wife, Christine Locasio, 50, were both charged with cultivation of marijuana, possession of drug paraphernalia and sale of marijuana.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Linda Re: how to uninstall Personal Security? Dear Webby, Please help! Can you tell me how to uninstall Personal Security? Thanks, Linda Dear Linda That is some wicked malware! Considering the places, that you apparently have surfed to, you really should get a reasonably decent anti virus program! The removal instructions are here Print them out and get a highlighter or crayon to mark off each step. Please note that at one point you are supposed to ignore the on-screen istructions about rebooting, and at another spot you are supposed to follow the instrucions. So, don't try to memorize the instructions, print them out and check off each step. Have FUN! DearWebby
While carpenters were working outside the old house a woman had just bought, she busied myself with indoor cleaning. She had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom. With dismay she looked from his muddy boots to her newly scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," She said, thinking of a quick solution. "I'll put down some newspapers." "That's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already house trained."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thanks to Deeli for this update on yesterday's tip: Here's something that might be helpful to you (or maybe not) but you can get 100 tea light candles from Walgreen's Pharmacy if you buy four packages of 25 for only $10.00 total ;-) They're two packs of 25 for $5.00 each, and they are even scented ;-) My choice is Vanilla ;-) Deeli Thanks to Elsie for another update tip: You better put a real or fake cactus onto those box sconces! Cats just love jumping up on them to look down on their servants. While that looks cute, when they are kittens, an old, fat cat will eventually wreck the box and the candles spill all over the place. Now each of ours have a nasty looking cactus on them, and the cats don't even try to jump up onto them from half way across the room. Elsie Use Plastic Coffee Containers for Paint Cans This is one from my hubby. He has me keeping all of the 2 pound plastic coffee containers with the handles on them for future use in his shop. He builds houses and remodels them as well. He says these containers are perfect for holding paint while working on a house. He can hang on to it easily with the handle and they are very sturdy. By Julie C. from Liberty, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A puzzled expression ran riot over Joanne's face. "An ID ten T error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again??" He gave her a grin... ;-) ... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?" "No," replied Joanne. "Write it down," he said, as he was walking away, "and I think you'll figure it out." (She wrote...) I D 1 0 T
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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What is THAT? It is one of hundreds of benches along a scenic road. A ski lift company upgraded from 4-seater chairs to six seaters, and donated the old 4-seaters to be used as road side benches. In sunshine they get quite toasty and comfortable inside.

» Spehrical Photos
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com

If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your
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Is this letter from the bank a fake? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, January 10, 2010


With most men, unbelief in one thing springs from blind belief in another. --- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them. --- Lily Tomlin
At an annual Bosses Night dinner for Helena, Montana, lawyers, sponsored by legal secretaries, it was time to announce the Boss of the Year. The master of ceremonies began: "First of all, our winner is a graduate of the University of Montana. So that already eliminates some of you as candidates." "Our winner also is a partner in a downtown Helena law firm. That eliminates some more of you. "Our nominee is honest, upright, dedicated..." A voice from the audience cut in: "Well, there go the rest of us!"
A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell 'before.' He stands up and says, "Before, B-E-P-H-O-R." The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?" Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R." Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." Then the teacher asks, "Little Johnny, can you spell 'before'?" Little Johnny stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E." "Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?" Little Johnny says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore."
There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and --WHACK!!-- he knocks him off the bar stool and says, "That was a karate chop from Korea." The little guy thinks "GEEZ" but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden --WHACK-- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan." So the little guy has had enough of this so he leaves and is gone for an hour or so and when comes back. --WHACK!!!"-- He knocks the big dude off his stool and out cold!!! The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he comes to himself, tell him that was ....... a pipe wrench from Snap-On..
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: The fish find their work environment quite interesting.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Swiss court fines speeding millionaire $290,000 By The Associated Press ST. GALLEN, Switzerland (AP) - A Swiss court has slapped a wealthy speeder with a chalet-sized fine - a full $290,000. Judges at the cantonal court in St. Gallen, in eastern Switzerland, based the record-breaking fine on the speeder's estimated wealth of over $20 million. A statement on the court's Web site says the driver - a repeat offender - drove up to 35 miles an hour (57 kilometers an hour) faster than the 50-mile-an-hour (80-kilometer-an-hour) in-town limit. Court clerk Heidi Baumann-Becker said Thursday the unidentified driver can appeal the decision, handed down in November, to the Swiss supreme court. (they usually just laugh at appealing speeders and charge them Supreme Court fees.) The Blick daily newspaper in Zurich reported the fine was more than twice the previous Swiss record of about $107,000. ----- I grew up just across the Rhine from there, in Austria, and everybody there knows that traffic violation fines are based on the law breaker's estimated wealth. If you rent or lease an expensive car, they will fine you, as if you owned it. Keep that firmly in mind if you ever go there and rent a car.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Beth Re:Is this letter from the bank a fake? is this fake? ~ Beth --- On Sat, 1/9/10, `chasebank.com` wrote: From: `chasebank.com` Subject: `notification: To: Date: Saturday, January 9, 2010, 2:27 PM We have detected a slight error in your account information. To eliminate securely this information error please download the form attached to this email and open it in a web browser. Once opened, you will be provided with steps to protect your account access. Thank you ! *Chase-Bank-Team* Dear Beth Yes, totally fake. Just dump it. And dump that attached html file too, without clicking on anything on it. If you click on anything in it, the crooks own your computer. Have FUN! DearWebby
A lady on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park said to her guide, "Look at all those big rocks. Wherever did they come from?" "The glaciers brought them down," said the guide. "But where are the glaciers?" "The glaciers," said the guide in a weary voice, "have gone back for more rocks."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Be Ready For A Nighttime Power Outage We just had an hour long power outage (unexpected as it is 9 pm on a cold winter night). I learned three things tonight that I want to share (common sense but we all know that is not the way it works, LOL) 1. Make sure you KNOW where the candles ARE! it is easy to think "oh sure, I know exactly where they are" (want to bet?) and, during the day or when there is power by flipping the switch, it is easy to find them. It is not so easy when there are no lights (and damn it is BLACK) in here! 2. Make sure if you have pets (cats especially) that candles are not a novelty when they are lit. I had 2 out of three tonight who were determined that they had to stick their noses into the flame (or thought that they should) 3. In a pinch, a small tin can makes a good candle snuffer (something else I DO HAVE, but couldn't find it) Have a good night. By Cinnamon from Williams Lake, BC In most households, flashlights are devices for holding dead batteries. Don't fall for those shaker flashlights, unless you have spastic kids. They are quite a nuissance, and by the time you have used them long enough to find candles, you are ready to toss them for good. You can buy rechargeable flashlights that sit in the charger, always ready to use. As for candles, the only ones that are really safe and useful are "Tea Candles", the little candles in aluminum cupcake liners, used by better restaurants to keep tear or food hot. They are dirt cheap. At a restaurant supply store or over the net you can usually get a bag of 100 for around $20. If you have frequent power outages, then it is a good idea to make a sconce (wall bracket). Just get a rectangular cookie or shortbread tin with a hinged lid and a piece of scrap wood or cardboard as a spacer between it and the wall, so that the lid can open. Attach it in a horizontal position, with the lid on top, and the hinge towards the wall. Keep your tea lights and a lighter in the tin. When needed, open the lid as a reflector and light multiplier, and light one or more of the tea lites. You will be surprised how much good and usable light you get! Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

"Anni caught a Peeping Tom last night, and she'd have killed him if we hadn't stopped her," said Sam. "He must have made her very angry, peeking at her, huh?" replied his friend. "No, that's not what made her the maddest," Sam chuckled. "It's not?" asked the friend. "No, she got mad when he reached in the window and closed the curtains!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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From Cindy Sometimes, when I'm in class, I dream that I'm on a tropical island, with a dozen or more scantily clad females beside me, sitting under a huge palm tree, with some soft gentle music being played on some traditional wood instruments of that region, and a cool gentle breeze caressing my tanned body. I do all this while trying to forget I'm in a classroom. Of course, it would be so much easier without everyone yelling at me to wake up and teach.

» Chevy Collection
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Voting for more than one newsletter 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, January 9, 2010


A nation of sheep will beget a government of wolves. --- Edward R. Murrow
A nursery school teacher was telling her class about patriotism. "We live in a great country," she said. "One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free." One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said "I'm not free!" Taken aback by the boy's positive attitude, she said, "well, at your age I will admit that you are not allowed to do anything you want, but what I meant is that your family can do anything that is legal. Now, do you understand that you are free?" "No -- I'm NOT free," he said looking up defiantly, "I'm four!"
"I'm prescribing these pills for you," said the doctor to the overweight patient, who tipped the scales at about three hundred pounds. "I don't want you to swallow them. Just spill them on the floor twice a day and pick them up, one at a time."
The Father, passing through the son's college town late one night on a business trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy. Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door. After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second floor window. "Whattya want?" "Does Jimmy Duncan live here?" asked the father. "Yeah!", replied the voice. "Just dump him on the front porch as usual, and we'll sober him up in the morning."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Some people quite enjoy the end of the Gullible Warming ripple!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ryan Densmore, 22, of Wallingford, Conn., and Travis McKeaveney, 23, of Middletown, Conn. Lost crooks asked police for directions BRANFORD, Conn. (UPI) -- Police in Connecticut said two thieves were arrested after stopping to ask a police officer for directions back to the highway. Branford police said Ryan Densmore, 22, of Wallingford, Conn., and Travis McKeaveney, 23, of Middletown, Conn., took eight catalytic converters from the parking lots of several automotive businesses in Branford before stopping at about 4 a.m. to ask a police officer for directions to Interstate 91, WTNH-TV, New Haven, Conn., reported. "As the pair drove away, Officer Eula noticed that the rear license plate of the vehicle Densmore was operating was covered with some sort of material," Sgt. Gregory Watrous said. "The officer became suspicious and stopped the vehicle as it entered I-95." Watrous said police found the catalytic converters in the car, along with metal cutting saws and blades. "I knew that we had a group of thieves taking these items, I just figured that that may have been a little better organized and more intelligent," Chief John DeCarlo said. "Some criminals never cease to amaze me."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jerry Re:Voting for more than one newsletter Hi Webby My Friend, Here's a question I've always have been wonderin' about... I vote for your page almost everyday from the EzlineFinder link... I then go to Ophelia Dingbatter's News page and read her daily humor and also "vote" for her page... I was just wondering if both votes count, due to the fact that after I vote for yours it will not let me vote again till after midnight... But I can still vote for her's ... Ya know what I mean, Do Both Votes Count ??? Thanks for keepin' us all in good sprites !!! ~~~~~Jerry~~~~~ Dear Jerry Yes, both votes count. If you simplify voting by registering, then you can click on FAVORITES in there, and add any number of newsletters to your Favorites. Then next time you come in to vote, it shows you the vote buttons for all your favorites, and you can click on them one after the other, all on the same page. AND, using that method, you don't have to worry about confirmation request emails. You take care of that by logging in. Since you can tell your browser to remember your log-in, that is no effort at all. Have FUN! DearWebby
A mother was teaching her four-year-old The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, the child repeated it after the mother. Then one night the child was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride to the carefully enunciated words, right up to the end. "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail Amen. "
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cook for Other Families to Save Money To save money on groceries, you could find one or two families who you know are very busy and either eat out a lot or order in a lot. See if they would be interested in having you make meals for them. The key is they buy enough groceries to make enough for their family and yours. I find if you're making a meal anyways, it is very easy to double it. I personally make meals for two separate families. One family I will cook for two days a week and the second I will cook for the remaining three days, with the weekends being leftover days. Then on Fridays, I sit down and make up the menus for the coming week and the ingredient list for both families. They go buy the food and drop it off to me for the week. By Vicki from Nanaimo, B.C. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

I came across some notes from the days, when I was traveling around the Yukon a lot. Some were quite funny. From the granny in the "Scare North" parka (the stewardess): "They remembered to put the gas cap on today, so we won't be doing the usual circling back to the airport. Which is unfortunate, because they forgot to put the cap on the coffee thermos." And from the pilot during his message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... They will be on the next flight." One time in the 70s when they were still using their drafty see-through DC3 from Whitehorse to Dawson City, Dennis the pilot was in a serious looking conference with the stewardess and then came walking back, looking pointedly at the bright red toolcase on the floor between my feet and asked: "Does anybody by any chance have a 3/4" wrench?" I was on my way to fix a big generator and certainly did have all the wrenches with me. After I handed him a 3/4" wrench, he went back to the stewardess. She handed him a beer. In those days the beer still had crown-caps instead of screw-tops. He grabbed the bottle tighly around the neck with one hand, leveraged the wrench over his thumb and expertly popped the cap. Seems they had forgotten the bottle opener on that trip, and by the time we reached Dawson City the stewardess got pretty good at opening beer with a wrench.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
Georgina likes sitting in the park feeding the pigeons. One day she brought half a loaf of bread that had gone a bit moldy to feed her daily company. Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each pigeon with joy. She sat there without being noticed by anyone. Then suddenly a man rained on her parade by telling her that she shouldn't throw away good food on a bunch of pigeons that can find food anywhere, when there are a lot of people starving in Africa. After staring at him for a few seconds, she handed him the last chunk of bread and said: "Since you are so full of hot air and good advice, I'll let you take this to Africa"

» Best time to buy
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Voting Mystery 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, January 8, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, and that is to contradict other philosophers. --- William James Confusion is always the most honest response. --- Marty Indik
Thanks to Wendy for sending back this classic: Harry urgently needed a few days off work, but, He knew the Boss would not Allow me to take leave. He thought that maybe if he acted 'Crazy' then the boss would tell him to take a Few days off. He hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny Noises. Harry's co-worker who's blonde) asked him what he was doing. Harry told her that he was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think he was 'Crazy' and give him a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What in The name of good GOD are you doing?' Harry told him that he was a light bulb. The Boss said, 'You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.' Harry jumped down and walked out of the office... When Harry's co-worker followed him, the Boss asked her, '...And Where do you think you're going?!' She said, 'I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark.'
A Columbia lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness, stopped and said: "Your honor, a juror is asleep." The Judge ruled: "You put him to sleep; YOU wake him up."
Alex sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya going boy?" Elmer smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting Peggy-Sue." Alex said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need me no dang lantern." "Yes, sure Alex, I know." the boy said. "And look what you got !"
Some Policemen in Britain are having a riot on the shields.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Augusta Cannon, 80 in Kansas City, MO 80-year-old plays Robin Hood, robs banks KANSAS CITY, Mo. (UPI) -- An 80-year-old Missouri man with a pellet gun said he robbed a bank and tried to hold up another so he could give away the money, court documents show. Retired railroad engineer Augusta Cannon was charged with attempted robbery of a U.S. Bank branch in Kansas City. U.S. Magistrate Judge Robert E. Larsen ordered him held without bond pending trial, The Kansas City Star reported. Cannon allegedly pointed a gun at the teller demanding money, but left when told the teller had none, the newspaper said. After his arrest Monday, Cannon allegedly told FBI investigators he had used the same pellet gun about 15 minutes after the attempted robbery to rob a UMB branch of about $8,700. He said his motive for the robbery and robbery attempt was to give the stolen money to underprivileged children, the Star reported. Bank employees said $,8,700 was taken in the robbery, but Cannon told police he had given away most of what he took. Cannon has not been charged in the alleged robbery and less than $1,000 was found at his home in a subsequent search, police said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Len Re:Voting mystery Good morning Webby A curious question about the Ezine Finder voting system. Last week your number was over 50,000 votes. Today, they are showing 645. Is that right or even realistic? Keep up the good work? Len Dear Len The votes get zeroed for everybody on January 1, and traditionally they mess up the first two-three days of the year, then the vote count becomes realistic and believable. By the end of January those first two-three days won't make any difference any more. Have FUN! DearWebby
During jury selection for one trial, the judge asked potential Juror No. 12 if there was any reason he could not be a fair and impartial juror. "There may be," he replied. "Juror No. 1 is my ex-wife, and if we were on the same jury, I guarantee we would not be able to agree on anything." Both were excused.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Your Swimming Pool as a Garden We used to have a swimming pool. We did not like to swim or spend so much money to keep the pool clean, it takes lots of money and time to keep it clean. I suggested we have it filled up with dirt so I could have a garden, We had it filled up, I had a very pretty garden all the year, very good idea. By Kathleen from Dothan, AL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Two Roofers, Bob and Dan, were putting a new roof on a barn when a bundle of shingles slid down the slope and knocked the ladder over. Bob and Dan decided since it was early they would continue working because someone would surely come around by quitting time. It was nearing 5 PM and they hadn't seen hide nor hair of anyone. So, they walked around the roof a few times and finally decided there was only one way down. On the West side of the barn was a big manure pile. Bob says, "It's the only way down. I will go first." Bob jumped. Dan heard the squishy landing and yelled, "Hey Bob! How deep did you go?" Bob yells back, "I went to my ankles Dan, come on JUMP!" Dan jumps and goes clear up to his neck in manure. He says to Bob, "I thought when you jumped you went up to your ankles?" Bob replies, "I did, but I landed head first!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
My friend's sister was to be married on short notice but still wanted an elaborate wedding. The invitations were ready to be mailed when someone noticed that there were no inserted cards inviting guests to the reception. Undaunted, the mother of the bride typed up a note, made 280 copies and enclosed one with each formal invitation. Family and friends were surprised to read: "Conception immediately following the ceremony in the grand Ballroom of the Holiday Inn. Everyone is invited to participate in this memorable event."

» Cold Comfort
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Alternate blog locations 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, January 7, 2010


Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it. --- Soren Kierkegaard If you live long enough, the venerability factor creeps in; first, you get accused of things you never did, and later, credited for virtues you never had. --- I. F. Stone
A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read "Unique Breakfast" so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. "What's your Unique Breakfast?" he asked inquisitively. "Baked tongue of chicken!" she proudly replied. "Baked tongue of chicken?... baked tongue of chicken! Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!" he fumed. Undaunted, the waitress asked, "What would you like then?" "Just bring me some scrambled eggs," the man replied.
A minister was rather long-winded. During his sermon a young wife in the congregation remembered that she had left the Sunday dinner in the gas range without regulating the flame. She hastily wrote a note and slipped it to her husband, who was an usher. He, thinking it was for the minister, calmly walked up and laid it on the pulpit. The minister paused, took the note with a smile, which turned into a terrific frown as he read: "Please hurry home and shut off the gas."
Little Johnny was reading from a Hans Christian Anderson book. "Miss Figpot?" Little Johnny asked, "Does m-i-r-a-g-e spell marriage?" "No Johnny," sighed the teacher. "But it should."
To get ready for the coming Ice Age, Ford Canada showed off their all new Ford Freezom SXY with dual front furnaces and rear engine.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Dwight J. Brock Jr. of Mesa, AZ Sister Accidentally Runs Over, Kills Brother MESA, Ariz. (Jan. 3) - Police say a teenage girl accidentally ran over and killed her 17-year-old brother as the two played around in an Arizona shopping mall parking lot. Mesa Police spokesman Ed Wessing on Sunday identified the brother as Dwight J. Brock Jr. and his sister as 16-year-old Nicole M. Brock, both residents of Mesa. Wessing says the sister had dropped off her brother at Superstition Springs Mall Saturday evening. And then they started playing around, with the brother jumping in front of the car and the sister slamming on the brakes. The last time that happened the sister was unable to stop and ran over the brother. He was rushed to a hospital in critical condition and later pronounced dead.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bill Re:Blog type Dear Webby If dstokes79 has a domain, she can use the full version of Wordpress from http://wordpress.org, or any of the full featrued blogs, like the one you or I use. Bill Dear Bill Yes, maybe she could, theoretically. However, owning a domain name does not mean having a web site actually set up and working, or that they have enough web skills to manage a full featured blog. When somebody is not a subscriber, has no signature block on their email, and doesn't even sign off with their name, then they are most likely not quite ready to go beyond the most basic type of blog. She can always upgrade later. Have FUN! DearWebby
Casey came home from the doctor looking very worried. his wife said, "What's the problem?" He said, "The doctor told me I have to take a pill every day for the rest of my life." She said, "So what? Lots of people have to take a pill every day their whole lives." He said, "I know, but he only gave me a dozen pills!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cutting Down on Craft Mess My whole family loves to paint and do crafts. To help keep messes to a minimum, I save all the foam trays from the meats we buy. They work great for everything: glitter, paint, glue and sorting beads. I even have other family members saving theirs for me. By Sarah from Berrien Springs, MI Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

When Jean arrived for her daughter's parent-teacher conference, the teacher seemed a bit flustered, especially when she started telling her that her little girl didn't always pay attention in class and was sometimes a little flighty. "For example, she'll do the wrong page in the workbook," the teacher explained, "and I've even found her sitting in the wrong desk." "I don't understand that," Jean replied defensively. "Where could she have gotten that?" The teacher went on to reassure her that her daughter was still doing fine in school and was sweet and likeable. Finally, after a pause, she added, "By the way, Mrs. Johnson, our appointment was for tomorrow."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
College student: "Hey, Dad! I've got some great news for you!" Father: "What, son?" College student: "Remember that $500 you promised me if I made the Dean's list?" Father (beaming): "I certainly do." College student: "Well, you get to keep it!"

» Snazzy Shacks
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Where to put a blog? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, January 6, 2010


If you would be known, and not know, vegetate in a village; If you would know, and not be known, live in a city. --- Charles Caleb Colton There MIGHT be Gullible Warming. On this planet it seems to have moved indoors. --- DearWebby
A Border Patrol Agent catches a guy that just might be an illegal alien. However he begs and pleads and asks for a chance to stay. The BPA decides to give him a chance and says: "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use three English words in a sentence". Of course, the man agrees to this. The BPA tells him, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in one sentence." The guy thinks really hard for about two minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok...... The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"
A college professor asked his class a question. "If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I?" One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon said "Professor you're 44.." The Professor said "You're absolutely correct, but tell me, how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?" The student said. "You see professor, I have a brother; he's 22, and he's half nuts."
A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die. Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman's death. He summoned the astrologer and commanded him: "Tell me when you will die!" The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him immediately, no matter what answer he gave. "I do not know when I will die," he answered finally. "I only know that whenever I die, the king will die a horrible death three days later...."
Mom! Does "can opener" have a meow in it?
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jeremiah Gilliam, 22, of New York Xbox IP leads police to suspect NEW YORK (UPI) -- Police said a suspected serial burglar was arrested in New York after he used an Xbox taken during one of his alleged crimes to play games online. Pelham, N.Y., police said they traced the Internet protocol address of the stolen Xbox to the New York home of Jeremiah Gilliam, 22, who had already been under police investigation for his suspected involvement in 13 unlocked car burglaries, the New York Post reported Friday. "On the day of the burglary, the victim used another Xbox and saw his system was already online," Pelham Detective John Hynes said. "At the house, we found Xboxes, PlayStations, GPS units, laptops -- a total of 53 items, including stolen credit cards." Hynes said the items are believed to be from as many as 200 car break-ins and multiple home burglaries. Gilliam was arrested and charged with grand larceny.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: dstokes79 Re:Blog Hello Webby Rep, I'll would like to set up a new web site and blog for a very inexpensive cost. I juat di=on;t no where to begin. Can you help me. I already have my domain. Hi dstokes79 Just go to http://wordpress.com and register your blog. You need to have a name for it, choose a user name and a password. They will set it up and send you all the information and links on uploading and maintaining it. A Wordpress.com blog is very basic and simple, and allows you to get the experience needed to get into fancier blogs like the one at http://webby.com/humor/blog You don't need to have a web site of your own for a Wordpress.com blog, and there are many hundreds of eBooks available with detailed instructions and tips and tricks about Wordpres.com style blogs. Have FUN! DearWebby
The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books. Willie came up to the teacher's desk and said, "Miss Francis, I ain't go no crayons." "Willie," Miss Francis said, "you mean, "I don't have any crayons.' You don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons. They don't have any crayons. Do you see what I'm getting at?" "Not really," Willie said, "What happened to all them crayons that nobody ain't got?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Give Each Child Their Own Colored Towel Do less wash, buy each child a towel in their own color. When my 4 kids were growing up, I had a problem with them just throwing their bath towels onto the bathroom floor. I remedied this by buying each child their own towel in their own color. The rule was that they were each responsible for their own towel. They had to use the same towel all week long. I'd wash them all every Saturday. If I saw a towel on the floor, I knew who it belonged to. This not only stopped me from yelling about it, it also taught them to take care of their belongings. Believe me, you'll do whole lot less wash! By Cyinda from Seattle Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

When Gore put both feet in his mouth at the same time, he didn't really have a leg to stand on.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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» 1st Olympic Archway
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Music Extraction 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, January 5, 2010


I have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have kept more of it for themselves. --- Bruce Grocott Charm is the quality in others that makes us more satisfied with ourselves. --- Henri-Frédéric Amiel
Officers were being lectured about a new computer. The instructor said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks. Then he hollered, "There will be no eating or drinking in my class! Get rid of that coffee!" Joe inquired meekly "Sure, but why?" "Because a coffee spill will wreck the Keyboard".
A careful study of economics reveals that the best time to buy anything, was last year.
That reminds me.... Greg complains to a friend, "I can't take it anymore." "What's wrong?" his concerned friend asks. "It's Keli. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!" "You mean hysterical," his friend said, chuckling. "No, I mean HISTORICAL," Greg insists. "Every argument we have, she'll go "But I still remember that time five years ago when you said...."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Melodi Dushane, 24 of Toledo, Ohio Ohio woman hit window over lack of nuggets TOLEDO, Ohio (AP) -- Police say an Ohio woman punched through a McDonald's drive-through window because Chicken McNuggets weren't available. Police were called Friday to the restaurant in Toledo. Police say 24-year-old Melodi Dushane was treated for injuries, then jailed. She pleaded not guilty to a vandalism charge. She was released on a recognizance bond and ordered not to have contact with the restaurant.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Anise Re:Get the music from PPS files Dear Webby, How do I get the music from PPS files? Most of the PPS files sent to me have either great pictures OR great music, but usually one of them is not worth keeping. So, how do I get just the music? Anise Dear Anise You need a Program: PowerpointImageExtractor by Alain Lecomte It is Freeware. You can download it from http://alainlecomte.free.fr It puts the music and the pictures into a new and separate folder, so that they are easy to find. Using the program is a LOT easier than finding it to download it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said the first, "but I could never do anything with it." "Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asked the second. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish and....' "
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze Lemon Peels to Freshen Garbage Disposal Save Money By Baking Your Own Bread One way to save money on food is to learn about baking yeast. You can find a whole pound of it for about $2.50 at little shops or places that sell in bulk and you use it a tablespoon at a time - it lasts for months in the refrigerator. There are plenty of sites on the internet that will walk you through the process of making bread. The best advice I ever read about baking bread concerns how to know if your dough is kneaded well enough. If you stretch a piece of it and it holds together like a smooth sheet, it's ready to set aside to rise. Another trick of the trade is to let the dough rise three times before you shape it into loaves. The yeast will have thoroughly altered the flour, making it easy to digest and easing any worry that there is still live yeast in the bread. I also have learned to bake as much bread as our family will eat in a day or two and freeze the rest of the completely risen dough. When I'm ready to bake it I let it thaw completely, then shape it, rest it and bake it. The finished product will taste better than anything you can buy in the store, and will cost less than the most marked down loaf on the shelf. By Linda from Weirton, WV Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The wife chewed out her husband at the company picnic a while back. "Doesn't it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times?" "Not a bit," the husband replied. "I just tell them I'm filling up the plate just for you!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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"I am very much annoyed to find you have branded my boy as illiterate. This is a dirty lie. I was married to his father a week before he was born."

» Borneo Critters
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Extract music from PPS and PPT 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, January 4, 2010


What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong. --- Mo Udall
A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks. As he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says, "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He turns beat red in horror and goes, "Geez, oh..I..." She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."
A doctor told Mrs. Stone to give her husband one pill a day and one drink of whiskey to improve his stamina. A month later, when Mrs. Stone came in for another visit, the doctor asked, "How are we doing with the pill and the whiskey?" Mrs. Stone answered, "Well, he's a little behind with the pills, but he's about six months ahead with the whiskey."
One beautiful Sunday morning, a priest announced to his congregation: "My good people, I have here in my hands three sermons... a $100 sermon that lasts five minutes, a $50 sermon that lasts fifteen minutes, a $10 sermon that lasts a full hour, and a coin sermon that lasts till noon. Now, we'll take the collection to see which one you want."
Don't Tell!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Larry Bernard in Franklin, Indiana Underwear a poor disguise for robber INDIANAPOLIS (UPI) -- A robber's disguise -- women's panties -- wasn't enough to keep witnesses from identifying him, leading to an arrest by Indiana police, officials said. A man brandishing a large knife and covering his face with underwear robbed a convenience store in Franklin, Ind., Monday. He made off with cash, cigarettes and a lighter, WRTV, Indianapolis reported. A customer and the station clerk saw through the disguise and were able to provide a description of the robber detailed enough to lead police to set up surveillance around a Franklin home. Officers spotted Larry Bernard stumbling and intoxicated with a 12-inch knife in his waistband, Franklin Police Lt Chris Tennell said. Panties, cash, cigarettes and a lighter matching the stolen one were found in his pockets, police said. Bernard was taken to Johnson County Jail and held on $21,000 bond, WRTV reported.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Anise Re:Get the music from PPS files Dear Webby, How do I get the music from PPS files? Most of the PPS files sent to me have either great pictures OR great music, but usually one of them is not worth keeping. So, how do I get just the music? Anise Dear Anise You need Program: PowerpointImageExtractor by Alain Lecomte It is Freeware. You can download it from http://alainlecomte.free.fr It puts the music and the pictures into a new and separate folder, so that they are easy to find. Using the program is a LOT easier than finding it. Have FUN! DearWebby
The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, what is the matter?" he asks. "Sweetheart," she sobs, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again "I found that the cat had eaten it!" "Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. I'll get you a new cat in the morning..."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze Lemon Peels to Freshen Garbage Disposal I appreciated the tip about saving lemon peels in the freezer for future recipes, that call for lemon rind or zest. I would like to add that by saving lemon peels in the freezer, you can use a few of them in the garbage disposal periodically. This will freshen the smell, and cleanse the disposal. Hope this helps some people. By Donna Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A farmer stood leaning on a fence at the edge of his property. He watched as a red sports car came over the top of a hill and followed the road up to the spot where he stood. The driver pulled over to the side of the road and called out to the farmer. "Do you know how I can get to Route 91?" the driver asked. The farmer thought for a few seconds. Then he said, "Nope." "Do you know where the nearest turnpike entrance is?" the driver asked. "Nope." "How about the town of Hadley. Do you know which direction it is from here?" "Nope." Exasperated, the driver raced his engine. "You don't know very much, do you?" he said. "Nope," the farmer replied. "But I don't have to. I'm not lost."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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John was describing a 30 pound Bass he'd caught recently after fighting it for three hours. Bill interrupted the story saying, "I saw the picture you took of that fish. You're lucky if it even weighed 10 pounds." John replied, "Well . . . a fish can lose an awful lot of weight during three hours of fighting."

» Striped icebergs
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Fried Video 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, January 3, 2010


"THE BUDGET SHOULD BE BALANCED, THE TREASURY SHOULD BE REFILLED, PUBLIC DEBT SHOULD BE REDUCED, THE ARROGANCE OF OFFICIALDOM SHOULD BE TEMPERED AND CONTROLLED, AND THE ASSISTANCE TO FOREIGN LANDS SHOULD BE CURTAILED LEST ROME BECOME BANKRUPT. PEOPLE MUST AGAIN LEARN TO WORK, INSTEAD OF LIVING ON PUBLIC ASSISTANCE". --- CICERO, 55 BC
Jill walked up to an airport ticket counter and asked to buy a round trip ticket. "Where to?" Asked the smiling ticket agent. Jill rolled her eyes and said, "Duuuuuh, back here!"
After receiving his medication from the pharmacist, the customer asked, "Are these time release pills?" The pharmacist replied, "Yes. They begin to work just as soon as your check clears!"
The boss went up to the bartender and asked, "Have you been fooling around with the waitress?!" "Oh no, sir, I sure haven't" replied the bartender. The boss replied, "Good, then YOU fire her!"
Thanks to Sandie for sending this:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to A Sicilian man Man opts for jail over New Year with relatives Fri Jan 1, 2010 10:53am EST ROME (Reuters) - A Sicilian man stole sweets and a packet of chewing gum so he could get arrested and spend New Year's Eve in a jail cell rather than be with his wife and relatives, Italian media reported on Friday. The 35-year old Sicilian first showed up at a police station on Thursday asking to be arrested because he preferred spending the night in prison rather than with his family, but was rebuffed because he had not committed a crime, the Agi news agency said. The man immediately went to a tobacco shop next door, where he threatened the owner with a box cutter as he grabbed a few sweets and a packet of gum. He then waited until police arrived to arrest him for robbery, the news agency said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Earl Re:Fried video Hi Webby, Sure enjoy your newsletter and tek tips. A few days ago I hooked my old computer up to my 22 inch HDTV and monitor and as it was booting up everything was blurry, then I heard a weard sound and the monitor said no signal, now it won't do anything and the same message is displayed. Could this be a Mother board problem? or what else could it be? Is there anyway to reset it?. It's an e-machine I have had several years with XP build 2. I was using it as a backup and was wondering if it is worth fooling with or just take out the hard drive and take files off the hard drive. Thanks for any advice you can give me. Earl Dear Earl eMachines typically just have a chip on the board instead of a replaceable video card. Luckily motherboards are fairly cheap these days, just a nuisance to swap all the wiring from the old board to the new board. It is not difficult at all, but best delegated to a kid with good eye sight. The writing on the board is too small for most grown-ups. You might add a dedicated video card at the same time, so that the next TV monitor mishap won't blow the motherboard. Some video cards are made for different types of TV monitors, and some even have inputs for CCTV (surveillance cameras) and translate the analog signal to digital for use by the computer. Have FUN! DearWebby
Robert, age eight, was the son of strict Presbyterian parents. He was very, very good, worked hard at school, did his chores, and was generally helpful and obedient. But one morning, for some reason, he came down to breakfast in a very nasty mood. When his mother served him prunes, he snarled, "I don't want prunes," and he refused to eat them. His parents were aghast, and his father said, "Robert, you know that Lord commanded children to honor and obey their parents, and He will punish those who do not." But Robert still refused and was angrily sent back to bed, and the prunes were put in the refrigerator. A few minutes later, a terrible thunderstorm came up with great roars of thunder and flashes of lightning. "Ah, wonderful," said Robert's mother, "this will teach him a lesson." To their great surprise though, Robert came to the top of the stairs and called down: "Sounds like God doesn't want you to make such a fuss about some silly prunes!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy Second Hand Appliances We sold our 3 bedroom home and moved into what is known as a 2 bedroom apartment home. We sold all our appliances with the house because we just didn't want to move them. I've spent over $200.00 + at the complex laundromat for 11 months. I was getting tired of the washers and dryers breaking down. And I only did my wash once a week. All the apartments have a space for a washer and dryer. We had to buy an electric dryer because they don't provide the gas connection. And we can't make any modifications to the apartment according to our lease agreement. We purchased a used 3-year old matching Kenmore Washer and dryer for $375.00 + $40.00 delivery charge. Kenmore Washer (large capacity) - $200 Kenmore Dryer (large capacity) - $175 The used appliance store gave us a 90 day warranty. You sure can't beat the price of $415.00. Now is that being frugal or what? By MCW from Lewiston, NY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Two men were sitting at a bar recounting their dreams. "I dreamed I was on vacation," one man said fondly. "It was just me and my fishing rod and this big beautiful lake. What a dream." "I had a great dream too," said the other. "I dreamed I was in bed with two beautiful women and having the time of my life." His companion looked over and exhorted, "You dreamed you had two women, and you didn't call me?" "Oh, I did," said the other, "but when I called, you'd gone fishing."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened. Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while." Josh replied: "Gee, I never knew you played hockey." Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Stanley Cup Play-Offs. I put my foot through the television."

» Lotus Flower
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Internet caused shaking 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, January 2, 2010

Recap of last year:
Most ridiculous lawsuits of 2009


My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. --- Ronnie Shakes Wealth is not a matter of intelligence; it's a matter of inspiration. --- Jim Rohn
A teenaged boy with spiked hair, nose ring, and baggy clothes says to his friend,"I don't really like to dress like this, but it keeps my parents from making me go visit my weird aunt Helen with them."
While on a car trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, the man left his hat on the bench, but didn't miss it until they were back on the freeway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around. The woman fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant, that they would be late getting to their destination, etc. She called her husband every bad name she could think of. When they finally arrived at the restaurant, as the man got out of the car to retrieve his hat, the woman yelled to him, "While you're in there, you might as well get my purse, too."
David and an Italian and an Irishman, all first time fathers, are pacing nervously in a maternity ward waiting room when a nurse rushes out of the delivery room holding up a newborn black baby. "Yours?" she asked the Italian man, who immediately curses her out in Italian and says "No! notta my kid!" "Yours?" The nurse asks the Irishman, who answers "It blodie will betta not be!" "OK, then it must be yours", she informs David, who sheepishly looks at the ground and mumbles "It must be, my wife burns everything!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a truck thief in Tacoma, Washington Called 911 because stolen truck ran out of gas RENTON, Wash. – A Tacoma man called 911 to report the truck he had just stolen had run out of gas. But not only was he arrested, he learned not all vehicles run on the same type of fuel. The Washington State Patrol says at about 12:30 p.m. Monday, a City Transfer employee headed south on State Route 167 spotted the silver 1985 Chevy truck that was stolen from their yard earlier that day. Someone was seen in the truck as it sat, disabled, on the shoulder in Renton. Minutes later, and before troopers arrived, the suspect called 911 to report the vehicle had run out of gas. When troopers got there, they say the suspect tried to disguise himself as a City Transfer worker by wearing a fluorescent green reflector vest he found in the truck. A City transfer worker identified the suspect as the person who stole the truck. The suspect was arrested and booked into the King County Jail. As it turns out, the truck did not run out of gas. The suspect apparently didn't realize that the truck took diesel. He topped it off with gasoline and it became disabled.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Shirley Re: Internet caused shaking Dear Webby Thank you for all the computer information. Love your letter. My question is why does a computer like shake when on the internet? I read where a computer should be reformated every three years is this so? Thanking you in advance. Shirley Dear Shirley So far I have not heard about Internet shaking yet. Usually the reasons for formatting and re-installing everything is to get rid of all the utilities and fake speeder-upper programs that you had fallen for, and also all other accumulated junk, that would be too tedious to weed out. Another reason for formatting is when somebody doesn't have a good defragmenter like DisKeeper, and the computer is slowing down, because most files are in fragments here and there. Formatting and re-installing everything brings the computer up to exactly the same speed as it had the day you bought it. Have FUN! DearWebby
During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband, "Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" The hubby replied, "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Browse eBay for Unwanted Gift Certificates After Christmas is a great time to browse ebay for gift certificates. You can get them for considerably less most of the time. People get these gift cards and don't want them, and would rather have the cash. Therefore you get more bang for your buck, by bidding for them on online auctions, such as eBay. Source: Something I discovered while searching eBay. By Karen from Union, SC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

I was just visiting some friends who have a farm. I was watching this one rooster chasing after this hen, when the friend's wife came out to feed them. The rooster stopped chasing the hen at once and ran over to begin eating. I just stood there thinking to myself, "I hope I never get THAT hungry."
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Poor Ole was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The neighbor kept telling him the chickens had the right to go where they wanted. But the birds were ruining Ole's prize-winning flowerbeds. Two weeks later, a friend visited Ole and noticed his flowerbeds were doing great. The flowers were even beginning to bloom! The friend asked, "How did you make your neighbor keep his hens in his own yard?" Ole replied, "Easy! One night I hid a dozen eggs under a bush by my flower bed, and the next day I let my neighbor see me gather them. He put up a fence before noon."

» Snowshoe hares
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Laptop earphone jack problems 



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Good Morning,  !
Happy New Year!

It's Friday, January 1, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



The more memorable the New Years Eve party, the harder it is to remember to use the correct number of the new year.
Then the preacher introduced the choir: "This is our prison choir," he said, "behind a few bars and always looking for the key."
Three small boys were bragging about their fathers. The first boasted that his dad owned a farm. The second said his dad owned a factory. The third boy, a pastors son, replied: "That's nothin'. My dad owns hell." "No way," another boy scoffed. "How can a man own hell?" "Sure he can," the preacher's son said. "My mom told my grandma that the elders of our church gave it to him last night."
A drunk staggers into a bar demanding a beer. The bartender informed him that he was not allowed to serve alcohol to drunken patrons. After a few harsh words, the bartender suggested to the drunk to prove he wasn't drunk by doing twenty push-ups on the floor. As he was doing the push-ups, another drunk staggers into the bar and sees this guy on the floor doing push-ups. He looks at him for a minute and then nudges him in the ribs saying, "Fella, I think your girl friend has gone home."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gregory J. Oras, 37, of Oldsmar, Florida Called 911 for a ride to another bar OLDSMAR, Fla. (AP) - Authorities say a Florida man who called 911 claiming he'd been beaten and shot at was hoping the tale would get him a ride to a bar. Instead, 37-year-old Gregory J. Oras is facing charges of misusing the 911 system and battery of a law enforcement officer. An arrest report says Oras called 911 three times before his arrest early Tuesday in Oldsmar, northwest of Tampa. He told the dispatcher he had a broken nose and bleeding ears, and claimed people were shooting at him. Authorities say he was actually looking for a ride to another bar. The report also says Oras kicked a Pinellas County sheriff's deputy in the knees and a Taser had to be used to subdue him. Online records show he is being held at the Pinellas County Jail
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: Laptop headphone jack Dear Webby, I have no sound (I wrote you about it before and it was just what you thought. Where my headphones were plugged in, caused the problem.) Of course it is connected to the Motherboard. Dell said for $449 they would send me a new computer since my laptop is a 2004. They will put Windows XP for me but they wanted $85 for Powerpoint. I can get that free, I believe so told them no on that. Is it best to go to your tools and download power point from there when my computer comes? Thanks again for letting me "bug" you! I have certainly appreciated your help in 2009 and know I will in 2010. Happy New Year to you!!! Carolyn Dear Carolyn That headphone socket, that is soldered onto the board, just needs some tweaking with tweezers. It has some little "feelers", little flat springs. They just need to be bent inwards a little bit, and the sound will be fine again until the next time you have sex on the desk. Ahem, I mean until next time you accidentally drop the bible onto that corner of the laptop. If you do buy a new laptop, keep in mind that in the low price ranges the screens are sawed off! The yuppies just need them as status symbols, like their fake $19.95 Roleggs, and they don't care if the screen is sawed off. Most of them hardly know how to use them anyway, they just need something to carry around for show. If you are used to a proper 4:3 screen, you will NOT be amused or satisfied with a sawed off screen! (Wide Screen) To test your bullshit-tolerance, put some wide duck tape or masking tape over the bottom third of your monitor. If you tear that tape off in less than an hour, don't buy anything with "Wide Screen" written on it. I and a few other people have been bitching about the sappy wide screen BS for years, and they are reluctantly re-introducing high resolution screens. They are still pricey, but they ARE available again now. We will not have to wait until astronauts walk on the moon again. It would be to your advantage to stroke those little feelers a bit, and make your current laptop last another year, until the prices for high resolution screens come down again. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He was surprised to see God Himself at the Pearly Gates, but God explained that this was St. Peter's day off, and that He, God would check him in and show him around. Well, Heaven turned out to be everything the man had always been told: angles flying around, playing harps, reading, and just enjoying the things they had on earth. There were also pets there, and they were right by their earthly masters. Presently, God and the man arrive at a section of cubicles, and in each of these cubicles, there resides one person. "What's this section Lord?" the man asks. "Oh this is the section for those people who think they're the only ones up here!" the Lord answers.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Plant a Tree for Each Grandchild We planted a tree as each of our grandchildren was born. We took a picture of the child along with the tree as it was being planted. We planted a Red Maple for our oldest grandson. Thirteen years later, it is a beautiful sight, especially in the fall. Our grandchildren range in age from 6 to 13 and I love to watch the trees grow as they do. By Tammie from Moody, AL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

This guy says to his buddy, "You'll never believe what happened last night." His buddy says, "Well then, tell me what happened." The guy says, "Last night the doorbell rang, and when I opened the door, there was my ex-mother-in-law on the front porch." She said, "Can I stay here for a few days?" So I said, "Of course, you can there," and shut the door."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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Little Johnny's dad was a farmer in a poor district of the country. One day his Uncle Festus came to visit. Since there were limited accommodations, he was required to sleep with his young nephew, Little Johnny. When Uncle Festus came into the bedroom, he saw the Little Johnny kneeling at the far side of the bed with his head bowed. Thinking this was the child's religious upbringing, he decided to present a good example and kneeled at the other side of the bed with his head bowed. Little Johnny looked up and said, "Whatcha doin'?" "Why, the same thing you're doing", replied Uncle Festus. "Ma's gonna be mad", said Little Johnny. "The potty is on this side...."

» New Year Around the World
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Replace laptop keyboard 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, December 31, 2009



You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there. --- Lawrence Peter Berra Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon him, and to let him know that you trust him. ---Booker T. Washington Resolved, never to do anything which I should be afraid to do if it were the last hour of my life. --- Jonathan Edwards I'm sort of a pessimist about tomorrow and an optimist about the day after tomorrow. --- Eric Sevareid
Q: How do I make my wife stop buying all these expensive gloves? A: Buy her a nice diamond ring.
"Did your wife have much to say when you got home last night?" "No, but that didn't keep her from yelling for two hours."
A new secretary was confused about paying a bill, so she asked me for some mathematical help. "If I were to give you $23,540, minus 7%, how much would you take off?" she asked me. So I told her: "Everything but my glasses!" Judging by how hard she threw the stapler at me, it seems that was not quite the answer she expected.
Time to take down the Christmas lights!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Marguerite Engle, 45, of Rapid City, South Dakota Driver Had .708 Blood Alcohol Content Marguerite Engle.recorded a mind-boggling .708 blood alcohol content after being arrested earlier this month when a state trooper found her passed out behind the wheel of a stolen truck. Engle's whopping BAC was measured by a Rapid City Police Department chemist who tested a blood sample drawn from Engle Engle is pictured below in a mug shot taken earlier this year after she was arrested for assaulting a government employee and being intoxicated and disruptive. Engle was named in a two-count South Dakota Magistrate Court indictment charging her with driving under the influence and driving with a BAC beyond the .08 limit. A traffic ticket issued to Engle notes that she "bonded out-hospitalized" after being collared in Sturgis just before noon on December 1. Engle is also facing charges in connection with her possession of the stolen vehicle.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sheila Re: Can you fix laptop keys? Dear Webby, I have a few keys on my laptop that have become practically useless, and some that are getting to be a real nuisance. Can those keys be fixed, or is it time to retire that laptop? Sheila Dear Sheila Just replace the keyboard! Google for [name of your laptop] keyboard. Chances are good that some people are selling those keyboards on eBay or Amazon for $10 - $15, and you can also order them from the manufacturer of the laptop. Usually there is an instruction sheet included that shows you how to replace it, but you can find that online too. It is actually quite simple. In most cases you just pry the bezel or frame up with a small, flat screwdriver, then undo two or four screws, unplug the old keyboard, plug in the new keyboard, screw it down, fiddle the bezel back on and press it down with a book, and it's all done. Have FUN! DearWebby
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: "Will the students who are parked on College Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing." Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "Plowing has been completed. The six hundred and twentseven students who went to move 26 cars can return to class now."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Fleece Throws for Warm Curtains For really frugal and warm curtains, I purchased two of those fleece throws that are on sale for under $5 and used the inexpensive gold clips. The two throws fit a 76 inch picture window nicely, and they come in dark colors also nice for wintertime. Mine came with a nice cloth bow tied around it which I used for tiebacks. By Peggy from Canastota, NY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

While attending college, I worked evenings at a retail store. On slow nights my co-worker Susan would often sing along with the radio while we did paperwork or restocked merchandise. One evening as the manager was leaving, I expressed my concern to him about our safety, with just us two working alone at night. "Oh, you'll be fine," he said, waving his hand. "If you see anybody who looks suspicious, just warn him that Susan knows karaoke."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A friend was lecturing in Latin America. He was going to use a translator, but to identify with his audience, he wanted to begin his talk by saying in Spanish, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen." He arrived at the auditorium a little early and realized he did not know the Spanish words for "ladies and gentlemen." Being rather resourceful, he went to the part of the building where the restrooms were, looked at the signs on the two doors, and memorized those two words. When the audience arrived and he was introduced, he stood up and said in Spanish what he theought was, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen." The audience was shocked. The people seemed stunned. He didn't know whether he had offended them or perhaps they hadn't heard him or understood him. So he decided to repeat it. Again in Spanish he said, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen." One person in the audience began to snicker. Pretty soon the entire audience was laughing. Finally, someone told him that he had said, "Good evening, toilets and broom closets!"

» Pike's Peak
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Dump obsolete addresses 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, December 30, 2009


"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." --- Albert Camus "Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction." -- Antoine de Saint Exupery
A man tells his doctor that his wife has laryngitis. The doctor said there was nothing he could do to cure it. The man said, "Cure it? I want to make it permanent!"
A man bought several acres of wasteland and within a year, turned it into a thriving produce farm. The local pastor stopped by and complimented the man on his vast progress. Then he added, "Wondrous things can surely happen when man and God work together." "Amen," said the man, "but you should've seen the place when God was running it alone."
A woman called the dean of the college that her freshman son was going to. "I'm worried. I don't know who my son can hang out with. He doesn't have the kind of money all the other students have." The dean replied, " He can hang out with the faculty."
Come on out and play!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joseph Anthony and Lisa Hill in Chatanooga, Tennessee Shoplifting scene turns chaotic at Chattanooga Wal-Mart CHATTANOOGA — Chattanooga police say a couple they believe was trying to steal a cart full of TVs and a computer caused chaos at a local Wal-Mart. According to a news release, Officer Josh Wright was off duty when he saw a man trying to force his way past a greeter with about $2,000 worth of stolen goods Sunday night. Wright displayed his badge, but Joseph Anthony Hill said it was fake and tried to force his way by Wright as well. Wright then tackled Hill and arrested him. Then Hill’s wife, Lisa Hill, feigned a heart attack and said she did not know her husband. After a witness told Wright the couple had been together in the store, Lisa Hill followed the witness into the parking lot and attacked her. The witness defended herself by stabbing Lisa in the arm with a pocketknife. Lisa Hill had to be treated at a local hospital. Joseph Anthony Hill is charged with theft over $1,000 and assault on a police officer. Charges against Lisa Hill are still being totaled up.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rose Re: Obsolete addresses Dear Webby, Merry Christmas. My address book is getting filled with a lot of e-mails that I don't know what they are. Can I delete them without losing something important on my computer? Rose Dear Rose, Yes, sure you can dump them. You can also weed out the Auto-Complete. Have FUN! DearWebby
Ninety-year-old man: "Yes! After all these years, I've finally kicked the habit. I'm a free man. From now on, no more sex. I'm going to be celibate for the rest of my life!" Friend: "Wow! What happened? Are you concerned about declining health?" Ninety-year-old: "No, I'm concerned about my declining wealth. That darn Viagra was so expensive, I almost couldn't afford cigarettes any more!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Clearance Wallpaper for Shelf and Drawer Liners I buy wallpaper on clearance for about $2.00 a double roll and I use it for shelf paper and drawer liners. You can do a large kitchen and all your dressers with just 1 double roll. Department stores put it in the clearance bin because the leftover rolls are not enough to paper most rooms, so they get stuck with it and practically give it away. You can use double face tape, staples or tacks to secure it if you need to. (I usually don't) I look for quiet solids or prints, if you look around you can sometimes find the nice heavy vinyl paper, but even the paper rolls are all washable these days. I usually buy it when I find it and put it away until I need it. So next time you see it in the clearance bin pick some up. By Diane from Rochester Mi Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started to discuss the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." "I know!" said a third... "They use it to find the fire hydrant!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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Lola is on the phone, "Hello? Pizza Shack? Do you have anything on special?" From the other end of the line comes, "Yeah, our veggie haters delight. It has twelve kinds of meat and five different cheeses. Lola asks, "Does anything come with that?" "A map to the fitness club."

» Lights of the world
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Windows Live Mail problem on Quest 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  December 29, 2009


In my many years I have come to a conclusion that One useless man is a shame, Two is a law firm and Three or more is a congress. --- John Adams Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives. --- Abba Eban
The census taker knocked on Donna's door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age. "But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said. "Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she asked. "Certainly," he replied "Well, I'm the same age as they are," she snapped. "As old as the Hills," he wrote on his form.
Here is an annual favorite: Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer's down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. What'll it be?" The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains." "So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest. The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?" "No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing." "In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud." "So be it" says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears. A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks. "The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult." "Why?" asketh the Lord. "He's on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota."
Q :What's the difference between the Government and the Mafia? A: One of them is accused of being organized.
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kip William Keifer, 31, of Madison Heights, Michigan Caught burglaring a cop's house MADISON HEIGHTS, Mich. -- A 31-year-old man is charged with breaking into the home of a Ferndale police officer. Madison Heights police said the officer's 19-year-old daughter called to report the break-in at their home in the 28000 block of Alden Street about 4:40 a.m. on Dec. 18. The daughter told police she was watching television on the home's lower level when she saw a man she didn't know come down the stairs. Police said the daughter used her cell phone to call her father, who was sleeping upstairs. Police said the girl's father, who is a Ferndale police officer, chased the home invader down the street and was able to hold him until police could arrest him. Kip William Keifer, of Madison Heights, has been charged with first-degree home invasion and given a $1 million bond. Police said he stole some money of a shelf in the home, but it was recovered when he was caught by the homeowner. His preliminary exam is scheduled for Jan. 6.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Laverne Re: Windows Live email problem on Quest Dear Webby, OK I added humor@webby.com to my address book and also on my email added site to come in with special color. Checked and could not see where it is blocked, I still don't receive it. I have vista, windows live email, AVG virus program, have checked it and don't see any thing to block it. How do I white list it like you suggested? Laverne Dear Laverne White-List is the same as Friend's List. You can try contacting Quest support, and tell them that the Humor letter jumps through all 20 hoops to stay "The Good Example" for newsletters: 1) Listed Sender ID, 2) Permanent IP address, 3) Proper SPF record, 4) Matching forward and reverse DNS, 5) Approved privacy policy, 6) Full contact information, 7) Strictly Double Opt-In, 8) Not on any blacklist, 9) Uses an IP address that has never been used for spamming, 10) Is family safe 11) Has live, same day response to replies 12) Has an on-line copy that is top listed at Google AND Bing 13) Unsubscribe link at the bottom of every newsletter 14) More than 10 year history of compliance to Best Practises 15) Works fine with all competent mail services 16) Does not have any attachments 17) Does not burden email with embedded pictures or movies 18) Calls pictures from a properly identified server with matching forward and reverse DNS and SPF record 19) Does NOT send solo ads or ANY advertising mails to subscribers 20) Is listed with the Ezinefinder (http://ezinefinder.com) Quest Support should be able to tell you what to do. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I would like to live very long. What should I do?" "I think that is a wise decision," the doctor replies. "Let's see, do you smoke?" "Oh.. Half a pack a day." "Starting NOW, no more smoking." The man agrees. The doctor then asks, "Do you drink?" "Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my meals, and a beer or two every once in a while." "Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions." The man is a bit upset, but also agrees. The doctor asks, "How do you eat?" "Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff." "Starting now you are going on a very strict diet. You are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese." The man is now really worried. "Doc, is all this really necessary?" "Do you want to live long?" "Yes." "Well then, it's absolutely necessary. And don't even think of breaking the diet." The man is quite restless, but the doctor continues, "Do you have sex?" "Yeah, once a week or so..., only with my wife!" he adds hurriedly. "As soon as you get out of here you are going to buy twin beds. No more sex for you. None." The man is appalled. "Doc... Are you sure I'm going to live longer this way?" "No, you will probably die a lot sooner, but whatever time you live, I assure you is going to seem like an eternity!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Cereal For Crumb Crusts Left over or stale sweetened cereals can be crushed and made into crusts for ice cream and other fruit flavored cream pies,also chocolate cereals for other flavors. Stale cheetos, corn chips, potato chips, can be used to top casseroles, coat chicken and thicken soups and sauces. Source: just my old cheapskate self By Eula from Killeen, Texas Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

After a recent move, I made up a list of companies, agencies, and services that needed to know my new address and phoned each one to ask for the change to be made. Everything went smoothly until I called one of my frequent flier accounts. After I explained to the representative what I wanted to do, the woman told me, "I'm sorry; we can't do that over the phone. You will have to fill out our change-of address form." "How do I get one of those?" I asked. "We'd be happy to provide you with one," she said pleasantly. "May I have your new address so that I can mail it to you?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
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Judy went to get her hair cut. The hairstylist cut for about thirty minutes, hands her a mirror, and asked, "How do you like it?" Judy replied, "It's nice, but could you make it just a little longer in the back?"

» Pets in snow
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How to move the task bar 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  December 28, 2009


I have given two cousins to war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother. --- Artemus Ward Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up. --- Wilson Mizner Charm is the quality in others that makes us more satisfied with ourselves. --- Henri-Frédéric Amiel
There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength. Obviously, the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying. One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed. With a trembling voice he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope. The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, "Usually right after it breaks."
After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. "I'm busy," he said, "I'll do the next one." The next time came around and she asked again. The husband looked puzzled, "Oh! I didn't mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby."
Children's Unions went on strike today in Oklahoma, refusing to play with their new toys, demanding compensation for snow days occurring during the Christmas school break. Spokesman Butch Evans, an Oklahoma City 7th grader, said, "This, like, bites, you know. Like, we're already out of school, like, and now, you know, this storm could have, like, waited until we, you know, got back to school, so, like, we could get a snow day. This is like, you know, totally bogus." In a related item, the union also demanded that "time off" should also be granted to any union member who caught a cold during scheduled school breaks. Parents groups were expected to tell the kids to quit their whining, go fetch a beer from the fridge, and then clean their rooms, or "they'll be given real reasons to whine about!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to an armed robber in Colchester, Essex, England Robber sticks around for a meal A DOZY robber was nicked while scoffing a chicken dinner at a restaurant he held up at gunpoint 20 minutes earlier. The 38-year-old is accused of stealing several hundred pounds after waving an airgun at terrified staff. But he then sniffed the tasty aromas at the Southern Fried Chicken branch and demanded: "Give me one of those Hunga Busta Meals too." He sat down to eat the meal and was still tucking in when armed cops alerted by staff burst into the diner in Colchester, Essex. An Essex police source said: "We've come across some stupid criminals in our time but this beats all. Normal practice is to grab the cash and run. But this man was obviously controlled by his belly rather than his brain. "After running in with a hoodie and scarf hiding his face, he took them both off to stuff his face with chicken. "The staff he'd just waved a gun at were gobsmacked. "He sat there eating for 20 minutes so they had tons of time to dial 999. Staff thought it was a bizarre TV stunt." The man, a double glazing salesman who cannot be named, is charged with possessing a weapon in a public place, theft and using threatening behaviour in a public place. He has been bailed to appear at Chelmsford Crown Court on January 4.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Annette Re: Moving the task bar Dear Webby, I hope you had a good Christmas and stayed warm. It was cold here in Tx. where I live , I dont like the cold weather, warmer the better. I appreciate all the help you have given me in the past! well I have a problem I cant fix today, will you help me? my bottom task bar is at the top again, I have tried clicking and dragging it to the bottom, doesnt work, can you tell me another way to get things back in place? any info. will be appreciated. thanks and I hope you have a very Happy New Year, Annette. Dear Annette No Gullible Warming in Texas either? Re the task bar: Close all programs or minimize them. If you still have the "Show Desktop" icon, you can use that to minimize everything with one click. If you lost it, here is how to restore it: Click Start, click Run, type notepad in the Open box, and then click OK. Carefully copy and then paste the following five lines into the Notepad window: [Shell] Command=2 IconFile=explorer.exe,3 [Taskbar] Command=ToggleDesktop On the File menu, click Save As, and then save the file to your desktop as "Show desktop.scf". The Show desktop icon is created on your desktop. Click and then drag the Show desktop icon to your Quick Launch toolbar near the START button. OK, now you got some elbow room. Right-click on an empty grey spot on the task bar, and take the checkmark off "Lock task bar". Next, click and hold that same empty grey spot, and drag the task bar to wherever you want it. It doesn't drag smoothly, but appears to stay glued until your cursor has reached another monitor edge. Then it snaps to that edge. Once you got it where you want it, lock the task bar again. Have FUN! DearWebby
A young bride and groom to be had just selected their wedding rings. As the young lady admired the platinum and diamond ring she had chosen for herself, she suddenly looked concerned. "Tell me," she asked the rather elderly salesman, "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?" With a fatherly smile, the salesman said, "One of the best ways to protect a fancy wedding ring like that is to never take it off and to soak it in dishwater for three minutes three times a day."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Spaghetti Cooking Water to Wash Greasy Dishes Save your spaghetti water and wash your greasy dishes with it. The flour in the water somehow causes oil and grease to get trapped, and you don't have to scrub as much. By Tim from Science Hill, KY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A famed English explorer was invited to Dartmouth to tell of his adventures in the African jungle. "Can you imagine," he demanded, "people so primitive that they love to eat the embryo of certain birds, and slices from the belly of certain animals? And grind up grass seed, make it into a paste, burn it over a fire, then smear it with a greasy and sticky mess they extract from smashed nuts of some kind?" When the students looked startled by such barbarism, the explorer added softly, "What I've been describing, of course, is a breakfast of bacon and eggs and toast with peanut butter."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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A lady called Delta and asked for a reservation from Los Angeles to New York. The clerk knew that the plane was very full with baggage and passengers. "How much do you weigh, Ma'am?" asked the clerk. "With or without clothes?" the passenger asked. "Well," said the clerk, "how do you intend to travel?"

» Flowers and fruit
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dumped and lost icon 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  December 27, 2009


Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it. --- Michel de Montaigne "Either you run the day or the day runs you." --- Jim Rohn:
Imelda reported for her University PHD final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half and hour. But, she says, I am rechecking my answers, and half of them are wrong !"
An airport ticketing agent was working at the counter and began asking a passenger the required security questions. "Have you received any objects from an unknown person to carry aboard the airplane today?" "No," said the woman. "Did you pack your own suitcase?" she inquired, pointing to the traveler's rolling carry-on bag. "Yes," she answered. "Has your bag been under your control since you've been in the airport?" "Well, no, not exactly," the passenger said with a sigh. "The silly thing keeps either trying to go every which way, or else it's trying to trip me. I feel like I am under IT's control."
In a cafeteria : "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria." hand written underneath: "Socks can eat any place they want."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Von Nicholas Stevens, 39 of Townsend, Montana Drunk fakes report of being shot An intoxicated Townsend man is being charged for numerous offenses, including lying to officials about being shot. Officials responded to a 911 call about an apparent shooting Tuesday night. A female caller said Von Nicholas Stevens, 39, was headed to St. Peter’s Hospital with a gunshot wound, Broadwater County Sgt. Nick Korthals said. Korthals said he informed members of the Helena Police Department, Lewis and Clark County Sheriff’s Department, and hospital personnel who were on hand waiting at the emergency room. Stevens never arrived at the hospital. Korthals contacted Stevens by phone. He said he’d run out of gas near Lakeside and was shot and in pain. Stevens told the alleged victim to stay where he was and someone would be out to get him. Medical personnel arrived on the scene and found a small scratch on Stevens’ ear and some dried blood, but no sign of a gunshot wound. Korthals said he had several deputies interview people who had been with Stevens at some point throughout the night, but no one mentioned shots being fired. Stevens accused a man of shooting him. That man can be seen on video surveillance cameras at a local Helena sports bar during the time of the alleged shooting, Korthals said. “Mr. Stevens continued to change his story,” Korthals said. Stevens was charged with driving with a suspended license and is scheduled to appear in court on Monday. Korthals said more charges are pending and he anticipates citing Stevens for obstructing justice and false reporting, and DUI, etc, but the investigation is ongoing.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Patti Re: Dumped and lost icon Dear Webby, There was a new icon on my desktop toolbar that was really bugging me so I went to control panel and unloaded it. OOPS, now I can't play my music. Apparently realtek high definition something or other is what drives the CD's. Dummy that I am, I have no idea how to get it back. Can you help - Please. Thanking you advance, Patti Dear Patti Search for that program. If you didn't change the defaults in your Windoze to something smarter, it probably dumped it into the dumbest place possible: C:\Program Files If you have a smart set-up, it would be in E:\TOOLS or similar place. Find the program, look for an exe file,but not the setup.exe, and try starting the program with it. Once you have found the right file, make a shortcut to it, and drag it onto the desktop. if you can't find that file, then you completely UN-installed it, and have to download it again. If you bought that program, then you should still have a payment receipt with download instructions and possibly a registration key. Have FUN! DearWebby
Before Linda got married, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too. "A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry," she told him. "Really?" asked the boyfriend, "And just how many men are you intending to marry?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Getting The Most Of Your Post-Christmas Shopping The Christmas frenzy frenzy is over and retailers are still trying to move merchandise from their shelves. Now is the time to shop if you can think ahead some. I gather up my discount bucks I got from buying before Christmas. While I was out before Christmas, I gave out my email address and got more online coupons. Any special day passes I may have gotten, I get that too. Just to make it a little bit better, I can shop on senior citizen day and take my mother or sister. A recent trip to a popular department store had me buying Christmas and Thanksgiving items at 95% off. Seasonal items will be the heaviest discounted. Avoid food items because they will not save well. Wrap scented candles in cellophane and store in a cool place to extend their scent. By Morganna from Anderson, IN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The 75-year-old man sat down in the orthopedic surgeon's office. "You know, Doc," he said, "I've made love in more exotic cars than anyone I know. Must be many hundreds!" "And now, I suppose, you want me to treat you for the arthritis you got from scrunching up in all those uncomfortable positions," the medic said. "Naw," the old fellow replied. "I want to borrow your Lamborghini!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him. "And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked. "Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night." "Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?" "Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."

» Volcano Island
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Caked Computer 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  December 26, 2009


Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it, and he'll have to touch to be sure. --- Murphy When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling - live your life so that when you die, you're smiling and everyone around you is crying --- Socratex
"The Jewish people have observed their 5758th year as a people", the Hebrew teacher informed his class. "Consider that the Chinese have observed only their 4695th. What does this mean to you?" After a reflective pause, one student volunteered, "Well for one thing, the Jews had to do their counting without a Chinese abbacus for 1063 years."
B.S. Newswire Report A UN arranged Christmas prisoner exchange was completed today when the Mexican Border Patrol handed over Joseph Dinkerton, an American citizen, who was captured in July, 2009 trying to sneak into Mexico. In exchange the INS handed over 220,236 illegal Mexican citizens apprehended last week by the US Border Patrol. This Christmas prisoner exchange was observed by "Human Rights Watch," whose spokesman said, "This will go a long way to reduce future border infractions between the USA and Mexico."
Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy. Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: No, SIR!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brooke R. Molina, 28, of Nevada City, Calif., and Brianna N. Berban, 22, Ojai, Calif., Too fast for hauling dope Two California women were taken into custody when a state trooper reportedly discovered about 20 pounds of marijuana hidden in luggage and wrapped Christmas presents inside their vehicle on Interstate 44 in Jasper County. The Missouri State Highway Patrol said a 2009 Ford Escape bearing Nevada registration was stopped for speeding at 7:37 a.m. Tuesday near the 13-mile marker of I-44. The driver, Brooke R. Molina, 28, of Nevada City, Calif., and passenger Brianna N. Berban, 22, Ojai, Calif., were arrested after a search of the vehicle. They were taken to the Jasper County Jail in Carthage and charged with possession of a controlled substance with intent to distribute.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Olivia Re: Christmas Caked computer Dear Webby, Nobody in our extended family likes those brick shaped Christmas cakes, so they are usually just covered with a fresh layer of giftwrap, and put away until next December, with a tag for the biggest cheapskate of this Christmas. Yes I have occasonally gotten a well traveled cake too, but not lately, and since it probably would have destroyed the shredder at the municial dump, I passed it on the next Christmas. Now there is a new wrinkle to that old tradition: A sawed off laptop. It is as wide as a regular laptop, but the screen is only 2/3 as tall as a regular screen. According to the sticker on it, it originally came with Vista, but then my useless son in law put Windows 7 on it and caked ME with it! My nine year old XP runs circles around it. I format and re-install XP every three years and as per your advice, keep unnecessary crap off it, as if it was an industrial work machine. I am quite happy with it for a home machine, but occasionally a little travel machine would be handy. I bought a spare XP CD before the prices went up, but I have no clue about where to get XP drivers for it or how to install them. . Should I try anyway, or just cake it next Christmas? Olivia Dear Olivia What a delightful tradition! Chances are pretty good, that you won't have any driver hassle. If you do, contact Jerome@ spiritscents.com. Even if you have to pay him for an hour of work, he can do that over the net and fix it up like it was factory pre-loaded with XP. I realize that the sawed off screen is a nuisance, but on short trips you can probably put up with that. Have FUN! DearWebby
The Navy Captain looked the crew over and said, "Men, before anything more is said, I would like to clear up one thing. This isn't MY ship, this is YOUR ship." From deep in the ranks came a voice: "Hey buddy, wanna buy my share of a nice, big ship?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reusing Wrapping Paper If you get a gift that is wrapped with beautiful paper or a beautifully decorated gift bag with lovely tissue paper but it's all crumpled and creased, here's a way to make it look practically like new again. Iron it! Ironing with a medium hot iron and steam will take almost all the wrinkles and creases out and make it reusable. Caution: Keep the iron moving on the paper or it will burn. By Kalene from Oregon City Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log. "My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf." The wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road, Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again. This time, he is crouched behind a tree stump. "My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf." Again, the wolf jumps up and runs away. A couple of miles down the road, Red Riding Hood sees the wolf yet again, this time crouched down behind a rose bush. "My, what big teeth you have, Mr. Wolf." The irritable, Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you kindly get lost and stop peeking into every outhouse I go to?
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Nancy got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart"

» Backyard bird pix
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OE not receiving email 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  December 25, 2009



"God gave us memory that we might have roses in December." --- James Matthew Barrie "You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses." --- Tom Wilson
The four stages of life: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.
The budding young Yuppette had been dating a successful stockbroker for several months. Just before Christmas she asked her Mother, "Whatever can you give a man who has everything for Christmas?" Her Mother smiled knowingly and replied, "Encouragement dear, encouragement."
Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Did YOU say "Holiday Bush?
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Elsa Benson, 53, of Kerrville, texas 911 Abuser KERRVILLE, TEXAS -- A Kerrville woman has been arrested after calling 911 when her husband wouldn't eat his dinner. 53-year-old Elsa Benson was charged with 911 abuse. Kerrville Police say she has called 911 for non-emergency reasons 30 times in the past six months. "The majority of our officers, if not all our officers, know this particular resident very well," Kerrville Police Department spokesman Paul Gonzales said. Last Friday, Benson called 911 twice. Unable to determine what she was saying over the phone, officers responded to her home, where the Kerrville resident told officers her reason for calling "She had called because her husband did not want to eat his supper," Gonzales said. In recent months, police say Benson has called 911 because she couldn't find her clothes and because her dogs had gotten loose, or about events that happened weeks before the call, among other non-emergency reasons. "These residents have been warned on numerous occasions about the abuse of emergency 911 calls," Gonzales said. Yet Benson keeps calling.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Geri Re: OE not getting my email Dear Webby, Please help me. I have a friend who works on computers and he checked mine to see if I could install the new windows. No problem. I am still considering it. In the meantime he transfered all of my outlook mail to a gmail account and now I am not getting any personal mail in the gmail and no mail in the outlook. He said all I had to do is sign out of the gmail and I would begin getting outlook mail again. Not so! I have important main I need to recieve and now he is too busy to help. I am not very savy but can follow simple instruction. Can you help? Thanks, Geri Dear Geri Why would you want to handicap yourself with the half-baked new Windows? And installed by a "screw-up and run" type "friend", who can't even set up your email properly! Did the eggnog backfire? Try to restrict access to the computer to only sober people, before somebody causes permanent damage or loses important stuff! I have no idea what your "friend" did to mess up your email. You will probably need a professional to sit at it to fix the damage. Have FUN! DearWebby
In a Phoenix airport boarding area they announced that the flight was overbooked. The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats. In exchange, they'd give you a $100 voucher for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later. About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer. About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter announced: "If there is anyone else OTHER than the flight crew who'd like to volunteer, please step forward!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Food Scraps for Wildlife If you are a mother who periodically finds half a peanut butter sandwich, the bottom of a cupcake or a partially eaten cookie left by a child whose eyes were bigger than their stomach, there is a solution other than the "momism" about starving children in Africa (China, Bangladesh, Uganda ...). In a friend's house, the scraps are deposited in a large, covered, plastic container labeled, "good-will can". The children know that these leftovers will be put out daily for the birds, squirrels and other animals who share the world with us. We have attracted many varieties of birds and small animals that are fun to watch and and have taught the children that they can share with those less fortunate who are not human I do this with leftover cat food, and food scraps but I put it into a freezer container. When the containers are full and there are a half dozen, I take them out to my daughter's dog who thinks they are a wonderful treat. They arrive in a red grocery bag and this dog KNOWS that they are for him (he shares with his cat too!) By Cinnamon from Williams Lake, BC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

"Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas," little Jimmie said to his uncle the first time he saw him after the holidays. "It's the best Christmas present I ever got." "That's great," said his uncle. "Do you know how to play it?" "Oh, I don't play it," the little fellow said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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People used the postcard sites again more than the year before and saved a pile of paper about 6000 Meters high. For our friends in the USA, the only country in the world where some people are still using the quaint Imperial-colonial measurement units, about 13043 cubits or roughly 19700 feet. So, picture a pile of Christmas cards 435 times as tall as Noah's ark. Now don't go upgrading your units of measurement! What would I tease you about then ?

» Country Music Internet Radio (Guaranteed no sappy Christmas commercials)
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Convert Internet dates to spreadsheet dates 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  December 24, 2009


"What I don't like about office Christmas parties, is looking for a job the next day." --- Phyllis Diller You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. --- Mark Twain
Little Johnny came home from school one day and said, "Mom, the teacher asked me today if I had any brothers or sisters." "And what did she say when you told her you were an only child?" his mom asked. And Little Johnny said, "Well, she just let out a deep breath and said, 'Thank goodness'."
On their way to church to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter to do the paperwork so they can enter. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sit for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder. "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "Good Grief!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer?"
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to cops in Cremona, Italy Cops total their Lamborghini Italian police officers wrote off a £200,000 ($320,000) supercar given to them by Lamborghini when it smashed into a row of parked cars. The 202mph Gallardo coupe was one of two donated to police by the luxury motor manufacturer to help with high speed pursuits. Witnesses say the police car had accelerated massively just before another car pulled out of a petrol station and forced it off the road in Cremona, northern Italy. Embarrassed cops tried to confiscate phone cameras from witnesses but abandoned the plan when hundreds turned up to gawp at the smash.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Alex Re: Internet date to spreadsheet date Dear Webby, If anybody would know, it's probably you. We got all our client lists safely on the web, so that every staff member always has access to them, no matter where they happen to be at the time. Now we need to get the names and addresses and dates into a regular spreadsheet to send Christmas cards to the clients. Names and addresses are easy, but all dates are weird numbers, that spreadsheets can't convert to dates. Is there a way to convert them to dates, without punching one number at a time into an online converter? Merry Christmas! Alex Dear Alex On the web younormally use UNIX time, the number of seconds since 01/01/1970. Spreadsheets usually use the days since 01/01/1900. Knowing that, you simply divide the UNX number by 86400 to get days, and add 25569 (70 years worth of days) to it. Then format that column as DATE. So, if your UNIX date number is in column D, from row 1 to 5000, and you want the human readable date in column E, put this into E1: +d1/86400+25569 or in Excel it would be =d1/86400+25569 Then copy that formula down to all cells in E from 1 to 5000 and format that column as DATE format. Have FUN! DearWebby
Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Christmas this year he'd love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early on Christmas morning." Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the links. The first guy says, "Boy, this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it." Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures." Number 3 guy says " Well, my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual." They all turn to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I patted my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, is it sex or golf?' and she said, 'Take an extra sweater, it's probably quite chilly out on the golf course'."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Reindeer Food For Christmas Eve Materials * 1 cup of oatmeal * 1 Tbsp. of brown sugar * 1 tsp cinnamon Instructions Mix carefully. Add a dash of glitter just before spreading on front lawn on Christmas Eve. The glitter will sparkle under the moonlight and will catch the eye of the reindeer. This makes a great quick snack for the reindeer, while they are waiting for Santa to return to his sleigh. By Leslie from Brandon, MS Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

It was the day after Christmas. The pastor of the church was looking over the cradle when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures. Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant Jesus. So he walked up the boy and said, "Well, where did you get Him, my fine friend?" The little boy replied, "I got him from the church." "And why did you take Him?" The little boy said, "About a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told Him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas, I would give Him a ride around the block in it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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English - Merry Christmas Afrikaans - 'n Geseende Kersfees en 'n voorspoedige Nuwejaar Afrikander - Een Plesierige Kerfees Albanian - Gezuar Krishtlindje Arabic - I'd MIILAD Said Oua Sana Saida Armenian - Shenoraavor Nor Dari yev Pari Gaghand Azeri - Tezze Iliniz Yahsi Olsun Basque - Zorionstsu Eguberri. Zoriontsu Urte Berri On Bengali - Bodo Din Shubh Lamona Bohemian - Vesele Vanoce Breton - Nedeleg laouen na bloavezh mat Bulgarian - Tchestita Koleda; Tchestito Rojdestvo Hristovo Celtic - Nadolig Llawen a Blwyddyn Newydd Dda Chinese - (Mandarin) Kung His Hsin Nien bing Chu Shen Tan (Catonese) Gun Tso Sun Tan'Gung Haw Sun (Hong Kong) Kung Ho Hsin Hsi. Ching Chi Shen Tan Cornish - Nadelik looan na looan blethen noweth Cree - Mitho Makosi Kesikansi Croatian - Sretan Bozic Czech - Prejeme Vam Vesele Vanoce a stastny Novy Rok Danish - Gladelig Jul Dutch - Vrolijk Kerstfeest en een Gelukkig Nieuwjaar! English - Merry Christmas Esperanto - Gajan Kristnaskon Estonian - Roomsaid Joulu Puhi Farsi - Cristmas-e-shoma mobarak bashad Finnish - Hyvaa joulua French - Joyeux Noel Frisian - Noflike Krystdagen en in protte Lok en Seine yn it Nije Jier! German - Froehliche Weihnachten Greek - Kala Christouyenna! Hawaiian - Mele Kalikimaka Hebrew - Mo'adim Lesimkha. Chena tova Hindi - Bada Din Mubarak Ho Hungarian - Kellemes Karacsonyi unnepeket Icelandic - Gledileg Jol Indonesian - Selamat Hari Natal Iraqi - Idah Saidan Wa Sanah Jadidah Irish - Nollaig Shona Dhuit Italian - Buone Feste Natalizie Japanese - Shinnen omedeto. Kurisumasu Omedeto Kala - Khristougena kai Eftikhes to Neon Etos Korean - Sung Tan Chuk Ha Latvian - Priecigus Ziemas Svetkus un Laimigu Jauno Gadu Lettish - Priecigus Ziemassvetkus Lithuanian - Linksmu Kaledu Manx - Nollick ghennal as blein vie noa Maori - Meri Kirihimete Marathi - Shub Naya Varsh Navajo - Merry Keshmish Northern Sotho - Matlhatse le matlhogonolo mo ngwageng o moswa Norwegian - God Jul Og Godt Nytt Aar Pennsylvania German - En frehlicher Grischtdaag un en hallich Nei Yaahr! Papiamento - Bon Pasku i Felis Anja Nobo Pig Latin - Errymay ristmaskay nday appyhay ewnay earyay Polish - Wesolych Swiat Bozego Narodzenia Portuguese - Feliz Natal Rapa-Nui - Mata-Ki-Te-Rangi. Te-Pito-O-Te-Henua Romanian - Craciun Fericit Russian - Pozdrevlyayu s prazdnikom Rozhdestva i s Novim Godom Serbian - Hristos se rodi Slovakian - Sretan Bozic or Vesele vianoce Samoan - La Maunia Le Kilisimasi Ma Le Tausaga Fou Scottish - Nollaig Chridheil agus Bliadhna Mhath Ur Serbian - Hristos se rodi! Singhalese - Subha nath thalak Vewa. Subha Aluth Awrudhak Vewa Slovak - Vesele Vianoce. A stastlivy Novy Rok Slovene - Vesele Bozicne. Screcno Novo Leto Spanish - Feliz Navidad! Swedish - God Jul and (Och) Ett Gott Nytt Ar Tagalog - Maligayamg Pasko. Masaganang Bagong Taon Tamil - Nathar Puthu Varuda Valthukkal Thai - Sawadee Pee Mai Turkish - Noeliniz Ve Yeni Yiliniz Kutlu Olsun Ukrainian - Srozhdestvom Kristovym Urdu - Naya Saal Mubarak Ho Vietnamese - Chung Mung Giang Sinh Waray - Maupay nga Pasko ngan Mainuswagon nga Bag-o nga Tu-ig Welsh - Nadolig Llawen Zulu - Nginifisela inhlanhla ne mpumelelo e nyakeni

» Norad and Santa
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Missing 'Safely unplug device' icon 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  December 22, 2009
Days are getting longer again!


We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves to be like other people. --- Arthur Schopenhauer Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch. --- Orson Welles
One Sunday a priest announced he was passing out minature crosses made of palm leaves. "Put this cross in the room where your family argues most," he advised. "When you look at it, the cross will remind you that God is watching." When the parishoners were leaving church, a woman walked up to the priest, shook his hand and said, "I'll take five."
When Little Johnny's family moved into their new house, a visiting relative asked him how he liked the new place. "It's terrific," he said. "I have my own room, Billy has his own room, and Betty-Sue has her own room. WE can have fun! But dad is still stuck with mom."
Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Rescue Dog in training
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Lucas William Stenning, 32, from Bock, Minnesota Too stupid to live Charges were dismissed against Lucas William Stenning, 32, who six weeks earlier had pleaded guilty to knowingly violating registration required of a predatory offender. Charges were dismissed....because Lucas was dead. In a related story, on the afternoon of October 17 in the city of Bock, an injured "hit and run victim" was reported. The pedestrian, found on the side of the road, died in the ambulance at the scene. In a related story, police reported that a 32-year-old man had concocted a scheme to stage an accident in order to obtain prescription drugs. The plan was to jump out of a moving vehicle, become injured, go to the hospital and receive narcotic painkillers. That plan failed when its mastermind, Lucas William Stenning, died at the scene due to head injuries. In other words: Lucas, 32, avoided a serious parole violation because he was deceased due to injuries he caused himself by leaping from a moving vehicle in order to obtain prescription painkillers. DUH!
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Shirley Re: Missing "Safely unplug device" icon Dear Webby, Another question from one of your fans. We do appreciate the computer help as well as all the jokes and wonderful pictures. I've lost the safely remove icon form the bottom of my desktop. How do I get it back? Shiveringly yours, Shirley from up north. Dear Shirley No Gullible Warming up there either? Maybe we are not farting around enough? The disappearing "Safely Unplug" icon is an ancient Windows There is no fix for that bug. However, there is a sneaky way around it. Right-click on the desktop. New Shortcut paste this into the Location line: C:\windows\system32\RunDll32.exe shell32.dll,Control_RunDLL hotplug.dll Next Type in UN-plug OK The proper icon for it, if you want it, is in hotplug.dll in the C:\windows\system32\ directory, however, you can assign any cute and sexy icon to it. After that, to use the Unplugger on those days of the month, when Windows has a headache and won't let you use the icon in the task bar, use the one you made. A fringe benefit is that when you use yours, Windows feels guilty, briefly blushes and makes the icon in the taskbar usable again. Have FUN! DearWebby
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze Whipping Cream In Ice Cube Trays When I buy whipping cream, I buy it on sale. Then I pour it into ice cube trays and freeze. Once frozen I put the cubes in ziplock bags in the freezer. A cube is about 2 Tablespoons. It's great when you only need a couple tablespoons in a recipe. By Linda from CT Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears. "Oh, Mom, I tried to make Grandmother's meat loaf for dinner tonight, and it's just awful! I followed the recipe exactly, and I know I have the recipe right because it's the one you gave me. But it just didn't come out right, and I'm so upset. I wanted this to be so special for George because he loves meat loaf. What could have gone wrong?" Her mother replied soothingly, "Well, dear, let's go through the recipe. You read it out loud and tell me exactly what you did at each step, and together we'll figure it out." "OK," the bride sniffled. "Well, it starts out, ' Take fifty cents worth of ground beef '..."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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An out-of-towner in New York decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here." "You'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the harried waiter. "I can only serve one table at a time."

» Sand sculptures
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SP3 panic mongering 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  December 21, 2009


"You know your children have grown up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they are going." --- Socratex
One evening a preschooler, Krystal, and her parents were sitting on the couch chatting. Krystal asked, " Daddy, are you the boss of the house?" Her father proudly replied, "Yes, I am the boss of the house." But Krystal quickly burst his bubble when she added, "Did Mommy tell you that you can play boss tonight, Daddy?"
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art and the best I could find." "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?" "Twelve thirty."
Careful with those Christmas Lights!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Train buffs go loco Train buffs are facing jail after building their own ramshackle locomotive and taking it on the public rail network. The six-seater train - made out of garden furniture and salvaged train parts - was powered by an electric motor ( Looks like a gasoline engine to me! ) and even had its own refreshments car in the shape of a crate of beer. Police in Erfut, Germany, were alerted after residents of properties adjoining the railway spotted the unorthodox vehicle - and were aware that there should have been no traffic running. Police however had to call in a helicopter to find and follow the makeshift train as the police cars could not follow it along the tracks. The helicopter pilot was able to radio ahead to other officers who set up a makeshift barrier at a station to stop it. Railway bosses had been asked to suspend all services to avoid a collision although the train buffs had chosen to have their drive when there had been no trains scheduled. "It seems to be one of those mad pub ideas that actually happened. They didn't seem to realise they could have caused a serious accident if they'd got anywhere near a real train," said one officer, who did not seem to realize that trains there run on a very strict schedule, with two hour gaps in between trains. Six men, who were arrested on the unauthorised vehicle, are currently facing public safety charges.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jen Re: SP3 Panic Dear Webby, I understand that Windows is going to end support for SP2 in July of 2010. It is being recommended to add SP3 in order to continue getting updates and security fixes. What's your recommendation? Thanks, Jen Merry Christmas!!!! Dear Jen My recommendation is to NOT risk messing up your computer this close to Christmas. SP3 works OK on 60% of all Windows computers, and messes up on 40%.. If it turns out that you dearly miss the dedicated and useful support by Microsoft after next July, then you can still do the gamble then. Until then, don't worry about it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said, "Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds." "Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend. "Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Pillow Shams On Your Sofa Use pretty pillow sham covers as pillows on your sofa or as throw cushions! I see these all the time at Goodwill for a buck or two, and I decided to make use of them. My kids like to use them as floor pillows, as well. Plus if your sofa is kind of tired looking you can add a couple and give it a whole new look. By Carol from Landisville, PA For those, who commute to work without the benefit of Gullible Warming, cut some white 3/16" packing foam to the size of the sham, and stuff 3-4 layers of it into the sham. Ideally, use the glossy pearl white foam, that has a waxy feel to it, and in between layers use the very thin and flimsy open cell foam. That keeps the layers from shifting, plus either static electricity or some wonderous magic, warms up the sham as soon as you sit on it. Princess Auto used to sell those in the 70's as "Self Heating Seat Pads", and I used them until I left the Yukon in 2000. At -50º a soft and warm sham instead of a rock-hard frozen seat makes a world of difference! If you use a sham that fits into your briefcase, you can keep it even warmer for the trip home. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A couple trying to break into society hosted a dinner party. As the guests were enjoying their soup, the maid called the hostess from the table. The maid informed her that the wine had been enjoyed more than anticipated and a lot earlier than planned. So she jumped in the car and raced to the liquor store to get more and was in such a hurry on the way back that when she drove over the edge of the curb at the entrance or something near it, that she didn't even take the time to check what it was. Just before the maid was supposed to serve the main course, the maid again called the hostess to the kitchen. This time she told her that some time in the afternoon the cat had must have climbed on the kitchen table and eaten a large portion of the salmon's midsection. The hostess decided to fill the eaten portion with some canned salmon and other camouflage. As the guests were enjoying the fish, the maid called the hostess into the kitchen again, and announced while wringing her hands, "Madam, the cat is dead." The hostess and her husband informed the guests and suggested it might be best if everyone went to the hospital and had their stomachs pumped. Returning home, the couple asked the maid where she had put the cat. "It is still out on the driveway, where you ran over it on the way back from the liquor store."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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went to the eye doctor. The receptionist asked why was there. complained, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes." The receptionist asked, "Have you ever seen a doctor?" replied, "No, just spots."

» Funky Art Gadget Tree
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Lost Bookmarks 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  December 20, 2009


An executive is a person who always decides; sometimes he decides correctly, but he always decides. --- John H. Patterson First things first, but not necessarily in that order. --- Doctor Who "Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats." --- Howard Aiken
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Sandy was sitting in the doctor's office when the doctor came in and said, "Sandy, this isn't a urine sample you brought in. It's apple juice." "Oh my god" sandra said, "I've got to get to a phone." "Why?" asked the doctor. "I may have packed the other bottle in Michael's lunch box."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jerzy Jancewicz, 48 Bytom in Poland Burglar found hiding in fridge Police officers in Poland cracked a cold case when they finally found a burglar - hiding in a fridge. The 48-year old crook, from Bytom in Poland, had broken into an office block but was spotted by a security guard and fled before police arrived. Police then received a tip off he was hiding out in his mistress's apartment but a search showed no trace of him. But just as officers were preparing to leave they heard sneezing - coming from inside the fridge. When they opened the door of the fridge, they found Jerzy Jancewicz curled up and shivering. "I don't know how long he'd been in there but he'd caught a cold as a result," said police spokesman Adam Jakubiak. "Officers gave him a blanket and a pack of tissues before taking him away."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bev Re: Lost Bookmarks Dear Webby, I just ran crap cleaner and now all my "pop downs", the sites I go to everyday, are gone. Is there anyway to get them back? Thank you, Bev Dea Bev That sounds like you told it to clean your bookmarks and cookies, and it obediently did as told. Usually, unless you are concerned about hubby finding out about your nasty habits, it is best to take the checkmarks off the bookmarks, cookies and history. That feature in CrapCleaner is intended to safely obliterate your tracks, and I don't think there is a way to undo that. Just take those checkmarks off, so that you won't accidentally do that again. Have FUN! DearWebby
While on board a Navy carrier, the air wing was busy with training missions. After talking to a pilot, one air-traffic controller accidentally left his microphone on and remarked to a nearby buddy, "That guy sounded just like Elmer Fudd." The airwaves got strangely quiet as everyone listened, realizing that the pilot had also heard the comment. After about ten seconds, the pilot broke the silence by announcing, "Be vewy, vewy quiet. We awe hunting submawenes."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shop Other Thrift Stores Before Goodwill I was just reading the comments on the "Saving Money On Jeans" post, and I agree with the poster who said that Goodwill is getting "expensive"! There was a bigger, nicer Goodwill building built here in my city a few years ago, but on recent trips there, I've noticed that the prices are rather high (at least for a thrift store, in my opinion). My best friend used to work for them, and said that they often get brand new merchandise donated to them from Target and other stores. However, there are at least two other different thrift stores here in my city, and I know that at least one of them also gets donations from Target, and they have much lower prices. Once I bought a Target item from Goodwill, only to find it about $1.25 cheaper at Salvation Army! So my tip is to check out all the thrift stores in your area and compare prices. You might find some of the same items there, and get them cheaper than you would at Goodwill. I do still shop at Goodwill, but after I've looked at the other thrift stores first! By Lisa from Kenosha, WI Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of prunes at the grocery store!" "I doubt that!" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store. A clerk answers and Tom says, "Can I please talk to the Vice President of prunes?" The clerk replies, "Sure, Canned or Dried?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great check-up. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?" "Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy." "That's a big decision! Have you talked it over with your family?" "Yeah, we took a vote... and they're in favor of it, 15 to 2."

» Strange Coconuts
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Printing e-Books 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  December 19, 2009


"A champion owes everybody something. He can never pay back for all the help he got, for making him an idol." --- Jack Dempsey The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, --and let the air out of the tires. --- Dorothy Parker
Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit. Her seven-year-old niece was watching as she held up a huge pair of slacks. "Wow," the lady said, "I must have worn these when I was 185." Her niece looked puzzled, then asked, wide-eyed, "How old are you now?"
"It's no good, sir," said the hopeless pupil to his English teacher. "I try to learn, but everything you say goes in both ears and out the other." "Goes in both ears and out the other?" asked the puzzled teacher. "But you only have two ears, boy." "Guess I'm no good at math, either!"
Santa's Comment:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jordan S. Christensen, 19, of Appleton, Wisconsin No dates for Interstate dater APPLETON, Wis. (AP) - A Wisconsin teenager will need legal permission to date girls for the next three years after he was convicted of fleeing to Tennessee with his girlfriend in a stolen car. Nineteen-year-old Jordan S. Christensen of Appleton was sentenced Friday to one year in jail and three years' probation. Outagamie County Judge John Des Jardins has ordered "no dating of the opposite sex without permission of your probation agent." Christensen had pleaded no contest to charges of auto theft, stealing a firearm and bail jumping. He apologized for his actions before the sentencing. Investigators say Christensen stole his foster parents' car May 26 and fled to the Memphis area with his 16-year-old girlfriend, after jumping bail on a different offense..
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Evelyn Re: Printing e-Books Dear Webby, What is the best way to print e-Books? Evelyn Dear Evelyn By far the best way is to use ClickBook. I have personally used it for about 10 years now, with all kinds of different printers, and it has saved me a ton of paper and ink and toner during that time. That is why I have had a link to it in the side menu all these years. When you install it, it shows up as a printer to choose when printing. To print with it, you select one of almost 200 different formats, for example 4 pages per sheet paperback book size, folded, not cut. Then it shuffles the pages and prints one side of the sheets, tells you to grab the stack of printed pages and drop them straight down into the paper tray. You do that and ckick OK, and it prints the back sides. When done, you simply fold the stack and shoot some staples through the fold. All the pages will be in proper sequence, with the proper ones in the back of each one, just like with a store bought book. If you want to cut the pages in half and punch them for a ring binder, you simply select that format. All the fancy math for the page shuffling is done automatically. There are almost 200 formats you can choose from, even for specialized, odd size binders like the Franklin Planner. In summary, ClickBooks saves you 3/4 the paper and ink or toner, makes the book fit on the little tray in an airplane, and at home fits onto your paperback size shelves. Have FUN! DearWebby
Jill was selling tickets at the movie. A woman asked her: "How much is a ticket?" Jill said, "Four dollars." She said, "How much for children?" Jill said, "Same price, four dollars per seat." She said, "The airlines charge half fare for children." Jill said, "OK, put the kids on a plane somewhere, and you come to the movie. You'll enjoy it a lot more that way."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Energy Using Night Lights I purchased white night lights that have an on/off switch from the dollar store, for all over our house. We find they put out plenty of light. For example in the bathroom, the light is fine to use the bathroom, brush our teeth, get dressed, etc. We then switch them off and use the brighter lights as necessary for combing hair, applying makeup, etc. Another example is in larger rooms, someone reading may use a brighter light to read by, and you could use a night light on the other side of the room where someone is watching TV or just relaxing. By Deborah from Terre Hill, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

While riding the bus, my mother noticed a young man, who was holding onto the same pole, staring at her. Eventually, he said, "Excuse me. This is my stop." Since she wasn't blocking his way, she was confused. "Well," she said," go ahead." "And this is my pole," he said. My mother was completely perplexed until the young man added, "I just bought it at the hardware store." And with that, he picked up his paluminum pipe and carried it off the bus.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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At the grocery store I was trailing a frazzled mother with two active children, and I watched as she stalked over to where her young son had perched himself on the rail of the freezer case and was showing off a rather scary balancing act. "If you don't get off there right now," she commanded, "I'm going to e-mail your father!"

» Asia before 1947
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Which Power Point Viewer? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  December 18, 2009
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


"Children have more need of models than of critics." -- Joseph Joubert (1754-1824) "A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another's." -- Jean Paul Richter (1763-1825)
At a truck stop off I-40 in Arkansas about 2 o'clock in the morning, a trucker was having a cup of coffee and a piece of pie and was romancing the solitary waitress there. All of a sudden, three mean looking bikers came in. They observed the connection between the waitress and the trucker and started to make nasty and suggestive remarks trying to get the trucker to start something. But the trucker didn't say anything, just paid his bill and walked out. One of the bikers said to the waitress, "Looks like your boyfriend ain't much of a man." The waitress just leaned on the cash register and looked out the window and said, "Yeah, and he ain't much of a trucker either. He just ran his semi over three bikes out there."
Dave went on a business trip for a few days. When he returned, his wife reported that the dog really missed him. "She spent every night at the front door, waiting for you to come home," she said. "What an example of true love," Dave replied. "I wonder if you'd be that concerned about me?" "Honey," she answered, "if you were gone overnight, and I didn't know where you were, you can be sure me and my rolling pin would be waiting for you at the front door."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Radim Kopecky, 22, from the Czech Republic Man thanks judge for Xmas jail term A Czech man who threatened to carry on breaking the law so he could spend Xmas in jail thanked the judge who finally obliged him. Czech citizen Radim Kopecky, 22, told the court in Korneuburg, Austria, that life in jail - especially at Christmas - was much better than living as a free man in his home land. He was looking forward to having a roof over his head, the company of other convicts and regular meals. He said: "I came to Austria to get myself jailed. My life will be better now." He repeatedly stole and then turned himself in to Austrian cops each time - begging them to see he was sent to jail. Finally, he was sentenced to 16 months and two days in prison for stealing sweets worth £2. He told the court after he was sentenced: "I would like to say thank you very, very much dear judge for jailing me."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: Power Point Reader Dear Webby, my friend can not see any powerpoint presentations I send her in my email. I know I just downloaded a free one years ago. On your Web Tools you have something called PowerPoint Reader. If I send her this, could she download it free and then see the shows I send her? Which year is best to download? I have 2003. Should I download a newer version? I love what I have so probably best to leave it alone. Thanks for you help. I enjoy your letter so much and I continue to vote each day. Carolyn Dear Carolyn The Microsoft PowerPoint Reader in my Tool Box works OK. If it works fine for you, don't worry about downloading updates. It probably has been updated with the regular Windows Updates anyway. The one built into Open Office (Open Office is also in the Tool Box, it works even better, especially if she wants to snag the odd picture. That one opens in harvesting mode by default, and you hit F5 for auto-play. Have FUN! DearWebby
A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly. The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France." The new man asked, "What happened?" "One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Packing Peanuts in Plant Containers Like many others I use packing peanuts in my flower containers. I don't have to use as much potting soil, and it keeps my containers lighter. This year I went to go change out the soil in my biggest container. I had to hand pick out each peanut from the soil. What a chore! When I went to replace the peanuts this time, I put them in an onion net bag and tied the bag off. Next time I go to change out the potting soil it will be a snap! By Liz from New Baden, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A trainee for the New York Police Department, was asked the following hypothetical question: "If your beat was a lonely path in Central Park, and a beautiful young girl rushed up to you and declared that a strange man had suddenly grabbed her, and hugged and kissed her, what would you do?" The police-officer-in-training replied without hesitation, "I would endeavor to reconstruct the crime."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

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Online Voting 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  December 17, 2009


"It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it." ---Sam Levenson
A granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with Nancy, and she decided to teach her to sew. After she had gone through a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, the granddaughter stepped back, put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief: "You mean you can do all that, but you can't operate my Game Boy?"
There were 2 Irishmen walking along looking for jobs, when they came across a sign saying: TREE FELLERS WANTED. "Ohhh, to be sure, too be sure!" said one. "What a shame there are only the too of us!"
Where is that?
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Francis Viliar, 36, in Boston, Mass Dopey crook mutilated his finger tips BOSTON (AP) - Police said a Boston man wanted for drug trafficking tried to hide his identity by cutting off his fingertips. State Police spokesman David Procopio said Monday that Francis Viliar admitted to police that he paid someone $400 to slice off the fleshy pads at the ends of his fingers. The 36-year-old was arrested Friday after state police pulled him over for speeding in Brockton. He was charged with giving a false name and carrying a dangerous weapon. During booking, officers discovered that his fingertips were covered in scar tissue. FBI specialists were still able to identify Viliar, who had 13 warrants, using ridges from the prints.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lillian Re: Vote! Dear Webby, *Please* put in a little message for me, in your newsletter ! * Webby only needs.. ...*1,118 Votes*..... to hit the* 50,000* mark !! Come on everybody let's do it !!!! Webby has earned it !!!! .... (*Thanks for all the wonderful info you give us !! * ) Lillian Victoria, B.C. Thanks, Lillian! Have FUN! DearWebby
A Guy and his wife are riding two up on a bike along a twisty road with a 55MPH limit. A cop pulls them over. "Had you going about 70 in 55 back there," says the cop. "Not me," says the guy, "Could be your radar picked up someone else or something, but my speedometer was set right on 55." The wife pipes up, "You were to going 70. I've told you 20 miles back you were going to get stopped if you didn't slow down." "Quiet please!" mumbles the guy. "Can I see your proof of insurance?" asks the cop. "Sure, my card is right here in my wallet." The wife says, "That card's no good and you know it. You haven't paid the last premium and the company sent you a cancellation notice." "Damn," yells the guy. "Would you shut up for a minute?" "Ma'am," says the cop. "Does this guy always talk to you like this?" "Only when he's been drinking."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stacks Books Under Lamps With the cute lamps that I'd like for my living room being to expensive for me right now, I have to make due with what I have, so I've taken little, less expensive lamps and put them on books! It looks real cute and all you have to do is pile-up some books, what ever height you'd like and put the lamp on top. Hard cover, paperback, cookbooks; they all work! My daughter has started do it also. She's not much of a reader now, working and being busy with children, so she picked some up at yard sales and library sales! Hope this helps someone out! By Corky from Dunkirk, NY You better make a cage for those tall stacks of books, otherwise you are just one little nudge away from a major mess and a broken lamp! Oak or plastic wood look L-shaped corner molding is cheap and works well. It can be glued and screwed to a bottom and top piece of wood. If you tie the stack first with flower wire, hay wire or dental floss, from corner to corner, while somebody sits on the stack, and then hide the wire with the corner molding, the stack will be as solid and steady as a concrete column. Another trick for nice floor standing lights is to make miniature antique gas light poles. The trickiest part is making a form for the pedestal, however, it does not have to be perfect! Then get a pipe and bend it, so that it has a fairly tight right angle at the bottom and touches the form, when the upright part is in the center of the pedestal, and a gentle lamp post curve at the top. Electrical conduit works well, is cheap, and you can get a fitting to match any lamp for less than a dollar. Fill the form with cheap gypsum and water mix. You can stretch it by tossing rocks into it, but not near the outside. Also get a bunch of old rope, or make some from rags. Gypsum hardens fast, and after half an hour or so the pedestal is solid. Wrap the rope or rags around the pole and smear it with gypsum. Mix small batches for that, because it hardens quickly! Once it starts hardening, you can NOT soften it by adding water. Look at a picture of an old gas light pole. Most are 8-sided, and some are nicely fluted. Cut a scraper with the desired shape from a coffee can lid, and use that to scrape the column. Gypsum is only about as hard as cheese during the first few hours, and not much harder after that. It can be shaped easily. You can stop at any time and do another section the next weekend. When you got the column finished and it has dried completely, you can paint it with a bronze patina look-alike paint. Shove the lamp cord through the pipe after removing the pedestal form, attach the lamp to the top, and you have a floor standing lamp that looks like you paid thousands of dollars for it, and is heavy enogh so that kids won't knock it over. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Over dinner one evening, a wife says to her husband, "I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me. He used really bad language. He even threatened me!" "How did you meet this fellow?" her husband asked, very concerned. "Well," she says, "we met by accident. I ran into his wheelchair with the car."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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Jack had the toughest time of his life. First, he got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as he was recovering from these, he got tuberculosis, pneumonia and pythisis. Then he got hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. Jack completely lost his memory for a while. He had diabetes and indigestion, as well as gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis. It was the hardest spelling test he ever took.

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Fonts are too large 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  December 16, 2009


The nicest thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from. --- Ken Olsen Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. --- Mark Twain
Teacher: If your father earned $100.00 and gave half to your mother, what would she have? Little Johnny: A heart attack!
News Item: An Oregon State University animal rights activist denounces vegetarianism because mice, moles and rabbits are often killed in the preparation of farmland to grow vegetables. You might want to stop eating until the dogooders sort this out.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to James and Wayne Snell, in Cardiff, England Bank robbery with personalized license plate A GANG of robbers have been jailed after one used his car with a personalised plate to set up a job. Read more: http://snipurl.com/tpn48 [www_thesun_co_uk] Blundering James Snell was spotted in his BMW with the registration "J4MES" as he nicked a heavy drain cover. The cover was used to smash a bank window in a £104,000 raid - and Snell was tracked down after a witness remembered seeing the number plate and told cops. Snell, 27, his brother Wayne, 34, and two other crooks have now been jailed for a total of 38 years over the robbery in Cardiff. The city's Crown Court heard the gang struck as security guards were refilling a Halifax branch cash machine around midnight. Two raiders used metal drain covers to shatter the window while a third threatened the guards with a bat and the fourth waited in a stolen getaway car. A council highways official later identified one of the covers. The witness had seen it being pinched by a man in a sporty blue BMW with a personal plate. The car was found at a house where the Snell brothers were caught red-handed with £30,000. Prosecutor Daniel Williams said: "It was the distinctiveness of the car which contributed to the robbers' undoing." The Snells and Adam Abbot, 38, admitted robbery. Carl Campion, 44, had denied the charge but was found guilty at a separate trial.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Donna Re: Font sizes too big Dear Webby, I use McAfee Security and when I went to look at it yesterday, the font size is much larger and I can't navigate to all the different things I want to look at. This happened to me several years ago and I can vaguely remember that I had to change the setting on the computer, but have searched and searched and cannot find it. This has also affected my Weatherbug... Can the guru help me? Donna Dear Donna Make sure that your resolution is set to HiColor and the highest comfortable resolution. Sometimes games change that to 256 colors and a rather coarse resolution. That would cause the McAfee and WeatherBug panels to display huge and weird. Try right-clicking on the desktop, Properties, Settings Set the resolution to the highest that you are comopfrtable with. I have used 1600 x 1200 for about a dozen years, and anything coarser than that, looks awful to me. Then click on Advanced an in there play with the DPI setting. Theoretically that should change the font sizes in the McAfee panel. That should do the trick. Have FUN! DearWebby
An American tourist in Tel Aviv was about to enter the impressive Mann Auditorium to take in a concert by the Israel Philharmonic. He was admiring the unique architecture, the sweeping lines of the entrance, and the modern decor throughout the building. Finally, he turned to his escort and asked if the building was named for Thomas Mann, the world-famous author. "No," his friend said, "it's named for Fredric Mann, from Philadelphia." "Really? I never heard of him. What did he write?" "A check."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Soda Bottles for Spaghetti Keep your large 2-liter bottles for storing spaghetti. After you wash the bottles, stuff paper towels inside to help draw out the water. Making sure the bottle is dry, put in your spaghetti. This takes time, but the result is worth it to me, because it will dispense a serving of spaghetti with just a shake of the wrist. It's easier for me than having to deal with spaghetti from a bag or plastic container. It seems to scatter all over the place. By Tim from Science Hill, KY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Recently on a West Coast commuter flight a flight attendant announced, "As per federal regulations every 500th landing has to be a manual landing, not on auto-pilot. Our new co-pilot will be performing his first manual landing for us today, so be sure to give him a big round of applause when we come to a stop." Well, the plane made an extremely bumpy landing, bouncing hard a few times times before smoothing out. Still, the passengers applauded. Then the attendant's voice came over the intercom, "Thanks for flying with us. And don't forget to let our co-pilot know which of his three landings you liked best."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Two cowboys were scouting near their fort and worrying that the Indians might be overrunning them. As they listened to the distant pounding war drums, one cowboy muttered to the other: "I don't like the sound of them drums." Just then, an apologetic voice came from behind a bush, "Our regular drummer slept in."

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Is Hotmail a recruiter for Gmail ? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  December 15, 2009
and -28 º
No Gullible Warming here!


"Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation. It is better be alone than in bad company." --- George Washington
After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, a lady stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for her son. She brought her selection - a baseball bat to the cash register. "Cash or charge," the clerk asked. "Cash," she snapped. Then apologizing for her rudeness, she explained, " I've spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau. I am not too sane right now!!" "Shall I gift -wrap the bat?" the clerk asked sweetly, "Or or you going back?"
Tom was being evaluated for mental problems and was asked by the doctor, "If a train was coming down the hallway toward you, what would you do?" Tom replied, "I would get in my helicopter and fly away!" The doctor then asked, "Where did you get a helicopter from?" Tom replied, "The same place you got your train!"
Climate Gate
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Devan LeAnn 30, of Shongaloo, Louisiana Using mattress pad as air mattress Thirty-year-old Devan LeAnn of Shongaloo, Louisiana, was visiting Lake Ehrling with a male friend. Recent bouts of heavy rain had resulted in a flood of runoff water, and they decided "it would be fun" to take a mattress careening down the surging water in the spillway. Unfortunately Leann was riding a foam egg-crate style mattress pad, rather than a buoyant air mattress. Imagine a wet foam pad. Are you sinking yet? According to her friend, Devan LeAnn simply vanished from sight at dusk. The next morning her body was found in a tangle of trees 70 yards below the spillway. Parents, warn your children! Wetting the bed can be deadly.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Cindy Re: Hotmail problems Dear Webby, I miss you like a favorite neighbor that just moved away! Like a divorce in the family! About a month ago, I got a "backdoor" virus. My computer was used to send out spam. I immediately remedied the problem. However, I was left without my daily Dear Webby fix. I attempted to resubscribe. But got a notice that I'm already subscribed. Is there anything you can do - or I can do - to get me off the black-ball list from wherever I'm being stopped? I REALLY miss you. In the 15 years that I've been receiving laughter and computer help over the internet, there's never been anyone who comes close to the quality of information and laughter that you put out. I don't want to spend the rest of my computer years without you! Please help. And, if you print this letter: Message to your other readers. GET OUT THERE AND VOTE FOR DEAR WEBBY - LET'S PUT HIM OVER 50,000 VOTES THIS YEAR. After all he's done for you - clicking on the link to vote is the least you can do! Thanks for everything, Cindy Dear Cindy Your temporary virus problem was most likely just coincidentally around the time when Hotmail was updated and lost the ability to deliver newsletters. I am still sending your newsletter out to you every night. However, once your subscription has entered the ho'mail servers, there is nothing more that I can do about it. The Dear Webby Humor newsletter is sent from a server that has 1) Listed Sender ID, 2) Permanent IP address, 3) Proper SPF record, 4) Matching forward and reverse DNS, 5) Approved privacy policy, 6) Full contact information, 7) Is strictly Double Opt-In, 8) Is not on any blacklist, 9) Uses an IP address that has never been used for spamming, 10) Is family safe 11) Has live, same day response to replies 12) Has an on-line copy that is top listed at Google AND Bing 13) Unsubscribe link at the bottom of every newsletter 14) More than 10 year history of compliance to Best Practises 15) Works fine with all competent mail services The Dear Webby Humor Letter is "The Good Example" for all other newsletters. I got all 15 points. There simply is nothing more, that I can do from my side, to get through to you. You can try wasting time cussing at the Taliban at ho'mail support, or you can get a respectable and reliable address. By the way, you are not the only one suffering from the gross incompetence at Hotmail. They simply are not competent enough any more to deliver newsletters. If you can't use your ISP based email address, try gmail. Millions of former ho'mail victims have found refuge there, and Google probably considers Hotmail and MSN as their top recruiting agency. Have FUN! DearWebby
Anthony and Kathy married. Anthony thought this would be a modern marriage which meant equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, Anthony brought Kathy breakfast in bed. Kathy wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "A poached egg? I wanted scrambled!" Undaunted, the next morning, Anthony brought her a scrambled egg. Kathy wasn't having any of it. "Why can't I have some variety? I wanted poached this morning!" Determined to please Kathy, the next morning he brought her two eggs - one scrambled and one poached. "Here, my love... enjoy!" Kathy was furious, "You Bozo, you scrambled the wrong egg!" That's when Anthony grew up and helped her wear both.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Create a Tree With Your Children With the economy like it is these days, it may be difficult to afford the Christmas tree this season. Here is a simple solution. While kids are so young they will not always remember the decorative Christmas tree with presents underneath. Trees are expensive! Instead of a tree that may shed, cause allergies, or one that you have to pay $300 for, why don't you make your own? All you have to do, is find some wall space, get a nice sized roll of paper, (however big you want the tree to be) and paint, color or draw a tree! Have the kids participate. It is a fun project and you also get a chance to bond with your children. You can use glitter for garland. Put up baby pictures as ornaments. You get the idea! On the special day you can even put your gifts underneath. By Erin from St. Louis, MO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

4 year old Zachary came screaming out of the bathroom to tell his mom that he had dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So she fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to moms bathroom and came out with her toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw yours out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet last week."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Official sign near door: Door Alarmed. Handprinted sign nearby: Window frightened.

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